# My wife is considering divorce



## Breakingpoint

My wife and i have been together for over 6 years. We have two young boys together...3 and 4. I'm approaching 35 with a good job and she just turned 30 and is a stay at home mom.

We had a talk the other night about why she has been more depressed than usual. She has been diagnosed with clinical depression and was at one point taking two different AD's last year. As of the last six months she has stopped taking them because she was trying to loose weight and the medication was just adding to her weight gain she said. She told me that she has been contemplating leaving me and our kids to find herself and become independent again. She said the only way she feels she can do it is if she hits rock bottom first and has to pull herself back up. She told me all her life she looked for others to make her happy and feel good about herself and that she needs to learn to lover herself first before she can concentrate on anybody else, including our kids and I. I know self love and self confidence is an issue with her because last year while she was taking some classes there was an act of infidelity on her part with a smooth talking classmate that has only mad my trust issues even worse. She told me that she had mixed her meds with alcohol combined with her lack of self love and confidence allowed the OM to get her to let down her inhibitions.

I cant help but think that this is all just a big dramatic story for her to step out again with other men or if she really does need to accomplish something on her own to feel self worth. I told her that if she does decide to leave that the likelihood of us ever getting back together is poor. I will not go through life wondering what she was doing on her "break". 

She said she never pictured herself as a stay at home mom but a career woman and until she accomplishes that she is never going to be happy. However she has little to no experience or education to even start a career. She has tried to go back to school but says she cant pass the classes because she is always with the kids and cant get enough time to sit and study so she quit going.

I on the other hand got my two year degree right out of high school, got an engineering job that I have moved up in and also started going back to school for my four year degree. I'm a very driven person and I have direction. 

Now I am stuck with this knowledge of knowing a "reason" why she is unhappy and what she is contemplating and i'm left wondering, why the hell does the future of the kids and my life hang in the balance of her decision to leave or stay because she took her sweet time trying to figure out what she wants to do with her life? What if she does decide to stay and things don't change or they get worse. The feel of stability is not there with her and I just don't feel i can sleep easy knowing what I know now without constantly thinking...is today the day she jumps ship?

What should I do? Just say you need to go do you're own thing whatever it is...we'll be fine on our own. Do i just sit and wait for her to make a final decision?


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## Thound

what ever you do dont beg her to stay. Give her some space and work on your self. Be strong for your children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33

Show her the door.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

richie33 said:


> Show her the door.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This. 

Don't let her back in after she realizes what a huge mistake she's made either.


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## Maneo

Your wife has a medical diagnosis of depression yet has quit taking her prescribed meds for same. Sounds like she drinks a bit. Is at home with two young kids which seems to sap her energy. You suspect she wants to be with other men. 
Why isn't she under the care of a health professional for her depression? Are the two of you considering what is best for your young children? What do you want? 
Based on what you've written, your wife sounds like a person in crisis, clutching at anything she feels may save her.


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## life.is.pain

richie33 said:


> Show her the door.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Do this and don't beg her to stay. She will see that being out in the world free is not all its cracked up to be. So when she decides she wants to come back to you, don't allow it, for she is making a decision to abandon you and her kids to go have fun for now, then when she done having fun she will wanna return.

Just let her go and move on for you and your kids. In time as time goes by you won't want to be with her again. 

I been there and time does heal all wounds. Just be strong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Breakingpoint

I have no plans to beg her to stay. If this is what she wants to do then I wish she would just leave already. She said that i'm the one making the decision for her because I have a problem with the situation she is getting into. She wants to start her own business. The only problem is that she has no education and little experience. So she is teaming up with a guy from our church who is also a friend of mine. Not a long time friend but just someone I hang out with time to time. He to just filed for divorce this week and needless to say he is know for being a womanizer. Just the other day we went out to a bar and before he even told his wife he wanted a divorce he was out on the dance floor making out with another girl. I have since stopped hanging out with him. 

My wife approached me the other day saying that she might have found a way to start her career without having to leave. This guy from our church has a side business that is exactly what she is looking to do and that he would be willing to be partners with her until she gets enough experience to go out on her own. Now I'm not comfortable with this idea as I know his story and also what my wife has done in the past. I know with my trust issues I would be constantly worrying about something happening between them and I cant live like that. So I told her if that's what she wants to do then I think it would be better if we just got a divorce. She is just to unstable of a person to trust and he has had to much of a promiscuous past to trust them together alone all the time. 

Am I wrong for thinking like that?

So with that being said she told me that I pretty much made her decision for her because if she stays and takes this job it will slowly kill me from worry and if she doesn't take the job she will continue to be miserable. So the only answer is for her to take the job and for us to separate. 

I also told her that if we do get a divorce, there is no chance of us ever getting back together. She doesn't get to go out and relive her single life then walk back into a family life once it's out of her system.

I asked how would things work with the kids and she said she could come over to the house and be with them while i'm at work and then go back to her place once i get home (she's planning on renting a room from somebody...how grown up). Then when she gets a place of her own then she can take them sometimes but that won't be for a while. So she gets to see her kids then go back to her second life and do whatever while I raise them, wash their clothes, support them and do things with them then when she is ready she can take them sometimes...how f$*@ing selfish.


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## tom67

If she wants to leave just file forget separation and she can have this womanizing pos player.


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## Almostrecovered

I'd start an investigation to find out if she is cheating already


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## lifeistooshort

So through the chorus of show her the door and she's already cheating, nobody has asked if you've attempted to work with your wife to get her toward a career. She's not happy being a sahm, not everyone is even though many men seem to think we should all be grateful for the opportunity, but all I see is you repeating that she has no education or experience. You're supposed to be her partner but you don't seem to think that highly of her. What have you done to work with her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Go to a lawyer and have him/her write up an agreement where she gives you custody of the kids. Have her sign it. Then tell her to go 'find herself.' Problem solved.

Either that, or tell her you'll pay for daycare while she goes back to school. But NOTHING involving other men, period.


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## tulsy

lifeistooshort said:


> So through the chorus of show her the door and she's already cheating, nobody has asked if you've attempted to work with your wife to get her toward a career. She's not happy being a sahm, not everyone is even though many men seem to think we should all be grateful for the opportunity, but all I see is you repeating that she has no education or experience. You're supposed to be her partner but you don't seem to think that highly of her. What have you done to work with her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She chose to be a SAHM, and now wants to be a professional. He already stated how she was in school, complained she couldn't do it because of the kids, and had an affair. Plenty of people manage both, if they really want it...somehow, she couldn't concentrate on school but found a c0ck to concentrate on.

The situation being what it is, she has a responsibility to those children, and if she didn't want that, she shouldn't have had the kids. She doesn't want to be a full time mother, but it's too late for that....the kids are here. 

I wouldn't even bother investigating an affair unless it would affect your divorce...if you are in a no-fault state, who cares...you know she'll be screwing someone eventually anyways. I would call a lawyer, show her the door, and 180.

I say let her go, get a divorce and raise the kids yourself. Let her have visitation, but not at your home. When you aren't there, she should not be in the home she left behind. 

Give her what she wants....she wants out.


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## Breakingpoint

lifeistooshort said:


> So through the chorus of show her the door and she's already cheating, nobody has asked if you've attempted to work with your wife to get her toward a career. She's not happy being a sahm, not everyone is even though many men seem to think we should all be grateful for the opportunity, but all I see is you repeating that she has no education or experience. You're supposed to be her partner but you don't seem to think that highly of her. What have you done to work with her?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have always pushed her to find something that she enjoys doing. I was taking side jobs after work to help make ends meet when times got tough. She told me she didn't want me to have to work two jobs and she should get a job. Every time she started something she gave up or she realized it's not what she wanted to do and quit. Then I would go back to working side jobs until she got tired of staying home and would start mentioning another endeavor. This has been going on for 4 years now. She said anything worth while she needed to go back to school. I supported that too. I still worked my side jobs...took care of the kids while she was in class. She took that seriously by having an affair with a much younger classmate last year.

Support she had.


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## turnera

SAHMs are, IME, pretty ripe for affairs. No adult time, not dressing up, time on your hands, and a man who busts his butt to give and keep giving more - it can (in the right (wrong) person) create a sense of entitlement/a loss of reality without them even realizing it. Especially if they are NOT the driven kind, the kind to take what people give them and not feel guilty for it.


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## LongWalk

You can't say she lacks optimism
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Breakingpoint

Well it's decided, Divorce it is. I'm not going to sit by idle while she "finds herself" all the time wondering if she is stepping out with other men. The time has come to grow up and she's not ready to do that. This selfish decision is the last straw and i'm done. She has agreed to give me physical custody of the kids which was not hard to get her to do which also tells me she doesn't want to be bothered with kids either. She did say that she would like to file for joint custody once she is able to support them and take them for 2 weeks a month. She also told me that she wants no money or any of our assets. She only wants time to find a job and a place to live in return. 

It's been so hard still sharing the house with her. She still talks to me like we are best friends. I try to stay civil for the kids sake. I just really wish this process would speed up so she is not in my sight every day. I don't feel like I can move on until then.

She told me that she hopes I can find someone that can make me happy like she never could. I don't know if i'll ever be ready for another relationship after the nightmare I just went through. I would rather just focus my attention on my boys and if something happens it happens.

I never thought I would ever have to go through something like this. I always took the right paths and made the hard decisions for what was best for my family and myself. I have always worked hard and made an honest living and continually tried to improve myself. All for it to come crashing apart because of a failed marriage. This sucks.


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## turnera

Have you looked yet for the evidence of her affair?


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## tom67

turnera said:


> Have you looked yet for the evidence of her affair?


How about the pos at church?


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## mineforever

Breakingpoint....I know your bitter and angry right now but don't stay there for long....let it go. Take it from someone who has loved someone with manic depression for over 35 years, there is no way to rationalize the behavior of someone with mental illness...you will just drive yourself nuts trying too. You have given it your best effort...feel good about that...now focus on you and the kids and your future. Ultimately it is her responsibility to take ownership for her own health. If she made the decision to go off her medication...then she will have to own the consequenses for her decisions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris989

She is that all too dangerous and all too common person: entitled.

As others have said, tell her to sling her hook and find herself without you paying her bills.

She will owe you half toward childcare of course.

The reality is, it sounds like she has someone lined up.

In my experience, women never leave a good home for a single existence. I bet she is showing other red flags too.

Good luck but you will be well rid of her.


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## Plan 9 from OS

IMHO, make sure it's a clean break. Don't make the mistake of going to try to help her out if/when she calls crying about this or crying about that not going right. Do not be friends with her. Once she's on her own for awhile, she will probably want to come back. If you can overlook her partying ways and likely flings with a few guys, you may consider taking her back IF she basically crawls on broken glass in order to get you back.


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## The Cro-Magnon

turnera said:


> Have you looked yet for the evidence of her affair?


This. She already has superman all lined up. "The monkey doesn't let go of one branch until it has a grip on another" and all.

_Needing space to find myself_ is so cliched that it is almost laughable.


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## Breakingpoint

Well i filed for divorce two days ago. There was a huge blowout over the weekend between my wife, the church guy, his wife and me. Basically there were so many stories being told that it spun out of control and I just couldn't take it anymore. If something is going on ok if not ok...all i know is i'm walking away with everything including the kids (her decision) and she is off to do her own thing. She told me she never expected the separation to be permanent and she never thought it would lead to divorce but she understands why I can't agree to it with the lack of trust between us. So we are going through mediation soon and once that is done then that's it. She will still have legal custody and i'll be working with her on the times she can take the boys. She has agreed to not bring any men around them and the first time she does the overnights will stop. As for me, i now have to look into day care for both boys till school starts in September for the oldest. I have started to get in the groove of doing everything myself even though she is still living in the house till she finds a place. I'm trying to not stir the pot right now until everything is final because I think i'm making out pretty good here.


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## cdbaker

Selfish of her? Absolutely. With that said, if it does go to divorce, those kinds of behaviors will help you immensely. You sound like a good man and a good father and probably deserve to have full residential custody of your kids. Heck, it sounds like she even suggested exactly that herself. My wife went through a similar phase of her life that lasted three years before I let her come home. During which she was out enjoying the single life, dated a guy for two years (who is now in jail as a convicted pedophile, thank goodness I ensured he had no access to my now 9-year old daughter), went back to school for a lot of the same reasons your wife seems to describe. So if she insists on digging her own post-divorce grave, then at least know that her actions will only make things work out better for you and your kids afterward.

Moving on... Obviously she has some issues of her own going on that she needs to address, but you can't focus too much on that as that is beyond your control. I'd suggest reading the Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011, in a big way. I get the impression that, because you are a good guy and have bent over backwards to make her happy, that she has very little respect for you. Not only is that the main thing we need from our wives (yes, more than sex, though sex is a form of respect to men) but it is also the main element that women must have for her husband in order to remain in love with him. Putting your foot down on some issues, not all, is actually important for her to respect you as a man. It sounds like you are starting to do that already

In the mean time, consider starting a plan to improve yourself and grow her respect for you at the same time. Take care of typical "male" tasks around the house like fixing up the house, making repairs, doing the yard work, etc. Step up your efforts in being a great dad. Start working out and eating healthy to buff yourself up a bit.

It'll either make her think twice or she'll walk away anyway. If she does leave, let her make her mistakes, as long as they don't impact the children too much. Keep a record of everything and put the kids first. She'll likely try to paint you as a controlling husband who tried to trap her into a mold that she was not happy with and divorce is her finally escaping from you. At the very least, if she does indeed leave you with the kids most of the time, she can't question your parenting ability, as doing so would directly indicate that she is an even worse parent by leaving her children in a bad situation alone. Divorce sucks for EVERYONE but if she insists, at least it sounds like you'll get a pretty darn good deal, especially for a man. (Make no bones about it, women always start with an advantage in divorce court. A man can't be an equally good parent to get treated equally, he has to be miles ahead of her)


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## cdbaker

Oh wow, I should have read the second page of this thread as things sure changed dramatically. Whoops.

I'm sorry to hear all this, but maybe it's for the best. My advice is to do everything you can to keep her reasonably happy and trusting you until the divorce is truly final. Remember the "No fury like a woman scorned" line, because it's no joke. Make sure you press for full residential custody. If she says she wants you to agree to maybe changing that sometime in the future if she gets her act together, go ahead and agree to whatever you need to because that sort of thing can't be put in writing on the custody plan. Just make sure the final plan says you have full residential, as that will give you the authority to pull them out of her hands if she starts sliding further downhill, which she probably will.

What she has offered/agreed to is a real blessing for you and your kids, but remember it doesn't take much to piss a woman off and then before you know it everything changes. I don't want to insult her or anything, but she doesn't exactly sound super intelligent here.

Also for your kids, what I did when my wife ran off with her new boyfriend was put my daughter into boys and girls club. In our city there are four of them located at various elementary schools that operate every day after school, and all day long during the summer. They offer income based pricing but even at full price it is way cheaper than a baby sitter. For example, full price for 7am - 6pm care M-F is $70/week, but for most single parents it is less. (I think I pay $35) I know some cities have after school and summer programs through their local parks and recreation department as well.

It might suck sometimes to be the only responsible parent full time, but at least for a while make sure you make clear to everyone that you always want your kids around all the time. At least until the divorce is final, if she starts not coming around for them, skipping their visits, bringing them home early, etc. just let it go. It's nice to get a bit of free time in that situation I know, but at least until the divorce, hold on to them as much as possible without actually keeping them from her of course. It'll only help you, and your kids in the long run!


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## tom67

Breakingpoint said:


> Well i filed for divorce two days ago. There was a huge blowout over the weekend between my wife, the church guy, his wife and me. Basically there were so many stories being told that it spun out of control and I just couldn't take it anymore. If something is going on ok if not ok...all i know is i'm walking away with everything including the kids (her decision) and she is off to do her own thing. She told me she never expected the separation to be permanent and she never thought it would lead to divorce but she understands why I can't agree to it with the lack of trust between us. So we are going through mediation soon and once that is done then that's it. She will still have legal custody and i'll be working with her on the times she can take the boys. She has agreed to not bring any men around them and the first time she does the overnights will stop. As for me, i now have to look into day care for both boys till school starts in September for the oldest. I have started to get in the groove of doing everything myself even though she is still living in the house till she finds a place. I'm trying to not stir the pot right now until everything is final because I think i'm making out pretty good here.


Good his wife is p!ssed and should be!


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## tulsy

Breakingpoint said:


> ... She will still have legal custody and i'll be working with her on the times she can take the boys.....


What happened to her giving you custody? I would not give her legal custody if you're doing all the raising. She could turn around and demand child support even though you have the kids.


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## turnera

Or she could just legally take the kids from you.


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## 6301

Wait a second here. I was self employed for 35 years. Now this OM church friend of hers has a side business and he said "sure, we'll be partners". You want to be partners in a business, you have to BUY IN to the business. Doesn't matter if it's only a dollar or 50 grand. What is she using to buy into the business with? Does she have money? You just don't hand over 50% of your business for free so the 64 dollar question is, what is her donation to this endeavor? The fish stinks from the head down on this one. 

I agree with you. Give her the bums rush out of your life. Do not give up being the primary care giver to your kids and make sure that it's in writing. You don't have two kids. With her, you have three. She want's this and that but doesn't have the moxie to go out and earn it. Love your kids and get on with your life. You and the kids will be better off.


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## r0r0bin

She will not keep the promise not bringing any men, this is cliche for cheating wives, they are liar even if the claim themselves as Former WW, ouch they are not former but they are the liars.


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## mattsmom

BreakingPoint,

These guys are giving you some really good advice. Even though the courts seem to have a really tough time getting it through their heads, residing with the mother is NOT always in the children's best interest. Fight for those babies. They need the stability that you're going to be much more able to offer them.

I also agree with the other men that advised you to watch your step. Women can be evil, vindictive people... and often don't play fair. Document EVERYTHING. It may seem mundane, but documentation can be an invaluable tool when it comes to divorce and/or child custody.

When she walks out the door, allow her to walk out of your life. There are so many good things out there waiting for you to experience. Once she's gone, you'll be free to do so.

Best of luck,
Mattsmom


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## Breakingpoint

Well she has signed the papers, leaving me everything including full physical custody of the kids. She is planning to be out of the house by the end of this month. It has been so hard having her around...i'll just be glad when it's just the boys and I. Now the panic is setting in on how to make all this work on my own. I know this is a long ways away but I worry about my love life being no existent now. I'm not the type of person to go out and have a fling but I know I will never have the time to even date again. It just hurts my heart to know that I could face the possibility of being single the rest of my life.


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## turnera

You're not going to be single. Once the ladies meet you and see you raising your kids, you're going to have to fight them off with a stick.

Just don't rush to find someone anytime soon. Give yourself a year or two to heal. Date for fun, but PLEASE nothing serious anytime soon. Won't end well.


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## Jellybeans

Check it out: if she wants to get a divorce and she still wants to see other dudes, ten let her go. Don't ever try to hang onto someone who so clearly wants out of being with you. It's not good for you or her. The harder you cling, the more you push her away. That is a fact. So if she wants a divoce and doesn't want to fight for your marriage, that is on her and her decision. Let her go. 

_You said: . I'm approaching 35 with a good job and she just turned 30 and is a stay at home mom._

Date me. Lol. You sound like a catch. A man who has a good job, responsible, and doesn't let his lady work so she can stay at home sounds great. I still have yet to find one of those.


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## Jellybeans

turnera said:


> You're not going to be single. Once the ladies meet you and see you raising your kids, you're going to have to fight them off with a stick.
> 
> Just don't rush to find someone anytime soon.


And Turner is messing up my game here.

Just kidding.  No but seriously, she's right. You sound like you have your stuff together. So if she doesn't want you, please let her go so you can find someone who does.


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## Breakingpoint

turnera said:


> You're not going to be single. Once the ladies meet you and see you raising your kids, you're going to have to fight them off with a stick.
> 
> Just don't rush to find someone anytime soon. Give yourself a year or two to heal. Date for fun, but PLEASE nothing serious anytime soon. Won't end well.


That's what everyone keeps telling me but I find it hard to believe that there is a single woman out there with her s**t together that wants to get involved with a single dad. To deal with kids that are not her own. 

Trust me, i'm in no hurry to get into another relationship. I have a lot of things to juggle being a single dad plus i do need time to heal or my pain is just going to hurt the next person that comes along.


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## mattsmom

Breakingpoint said:


> That's what everyone keeps telling me but I find it hard to believe that there is a single woman out there with her s**t together that wants to get involved with a single dad. To deal with kids that are not her own.
> 
> Trust me, i'm in no hurry to get into another relationship. I have a lot of things to juggle being a single dad plus i do need time to heal or my pain is just going to hurt the next person that comes along.


Breakingpoint, you are experiencing the same thing that single moms go through all the time. The thing of it is, women look at things differently than men do. You want to win a woman's heart? Let them see you as a doting father. We're suckers for that kind of thing. It kinda sucks that Jellybeans has already thrown her name in the hat here , because you really sound like a helluva catch. There should be more men like you in this world. Stay strong. Happiness is just around the corner.

Mattsmom


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## tom67

Well Breaking it sounds like you have a harem already.


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## Breakingpoint

Thanks ladies...i'm not saying i'm a saint i mean everyone has their flaws. Mine is a passion for working on cars in the garage after the boys went to bed for the night but it's a hobby. I always asked every time before i went out there if she wanted to do anything and it was almost always no. The times that she did it was to watch a movie and that's it. Nothing ever constructive like a puzzle or some craft or something. When I did stay in to watch a movie she would pass out 45 minutes later or be on her phone playing games, texting, or reading the news. She had nothing that she took an interest in including my hobbies. She would say I deserted her all the time to work in my garage but she had every opportunity to come out with me or even show me that she wanted me inside. I told her that i didn't need to be out there...i just have a problem sitting still but I can guarantee that if she was to push me up against the wall or grab my hand and say you're staying in tonight that i would have gladly obliged. Then instead of her trying to be with me it turned into her going to the bar instead. It got to the point where she would ask "are you working in the garage tonight?" and i always replied...i don't need to and then she would say well i'm going out with so and so, so you might as well work out there.

She told me the other day that she thought i loved working in my garage more than i loved her and with her lack of self confidence it just equated to that.


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## turnera

Note for next relationship: You have to MAKE opportunities to do things. Sign both of you up for a class; arrange a day trip; invite neighbors over for a round-robin. Life doesn't just happen; not the good kind, anyway.


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## Breakingpoint

Oh I know, and it's not like i was waiting for life to happen...I tried to plan times to go out, we did have friends over but it was mostly the guy she's having a relationship now. It was hard to get out together with the boys around...we were tight on cash so I always worked out a deal with our baby sitter to work on her car in exchange for babysitting time.

Update:

Well a few weeks ago a friend of mine caught the wife kissing the other man at a bar. After that there have been a lot of night time meet up's, sometimes till 2 am. She was gone for a week with the kids visiting her parents which gave me some much needed time away from her...although she was constantly checking in on me to see what i was doing...i didn't feed into it and told her not to worry about it. Once she got back...that night she couldn't even wait till the kids were asleep to go run off and see the OM. Now today I finally have a chance to go out with some friends and she is already talking about calling the baby sitter to watch the kids so she can go out again. I'm so sick of her blowing money going out with this guy...I have had to watch my spending with all the extra costs of this divorce and her constantly going out and looking at apartments, cars...etc. While all this is going on she wont except that I don't want to be her friend...she keeps asking me advice on cars, places to live and jobs. Then she has the nerve to say i'm not being civil with this divorce because i'm refusing to be her friend. I told her being civil doesn't mean I need to be your friend and help you...I just want you out.


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## lifeistooshort

Here's the thing, you're going to be divorced so how she spends money is no longer your business. It's not good for you anyway, the more you worry about what she does the longer it will take to detach. She signed the papers, who she kisses is no longer your concern. I know it's tough but it's better for you.
As for dating, my advice as a single mother of two young boys that remarried a great guy is to make sure you maintain structure and discipline for your boys, and DO NOT parent out of guilt. A lot of women don't mind kids as long as those kids aren't brats that can do no wrong because "they've been through enough". A new woman must be good to your kids but they must also be respectful. Also, take the lessons of this marriage with you and be sure to make time with your SO a priority. You sound like a great catch and will find someone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera

Actually, how she spends money will probably factor in to how your assets are divided. I hope you're keeping track.


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## temperance

Sorry to hear you going through hell for a while and still going... 

Your original story kind of similar to mind, except that I am the 'man' in the house as a woman, and he is like your ex-wife. Since you decided a divorce, you also need to try to divorce your emotion with her for your own good. Don't let her actions effect you negatively, otherwise you are just allow her to control your emotion while your upset won't affect her at all. It is for your emotional health... tough but you have to do it 

I also lost a two best female friends because they both have gone through the same 'finding themselves' and 'I never planned to be a house wife but a career woman'. After they have kids, a while later they do not want to involve me in anything. Until one day I confronted them about it, and their response to me is that I am selfish because I don't need to take care of children, that I have the freedom and luxury to build a successful career and a successful business. I am not successful, and my cash is so tight that I am sweating to save my business now with the ordeal with my stay-at-home husband, it is not pretty. I envy they have children and their men were able to work so hard to take care of them. If they didn't want to take on a job/role of a mom, then why did they decided to build a family and start having babies! It takes two to tango and partnership to build anything including a family. Anyways, I am not in a good partnership so what am I to judge. 

I also read someone here ... that he let his wife back after a few years of their soul searching.... well... I really don't know how you do it...after the broken trust, the heartbreak, and the hurt.

About being a single father, the routine is different and I guess you might get a knot in your stomach going into the uncomfortable zone, but I am sure you will figure something out and everyone will get used to the arrangement. 

Dating, as a few girls here mention, yeah... we think a real man who take care of the children with all the weight so put together.... HOT. So don't worry about going into another relationship... when you meet the one you will know. 

But seriously... you need to go out more and meet some new friends, need to start taking care of yourself. Enjoy life and enjoy your children.


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## Chaparral

So this thing with your friend and your wife has been going on for quite awhile.

Help him out with some free publicity, put him on cheaterville.com.

Looks like she's gotten over her "depression"too.


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## Breakingpoint

I don't know what to do.

Lately we have been living like roommates. she has a job now and works erratic hours. She still goes out on night she's not working with her male "friend". Most times she doesn't get home till 1:30 am. She still swears there is nothing physical going on and that he is just someone that she can talk to openly without the fear of him throwing what she says back in her face like she said I do sometimes. I admit that I have done that before. This week we both had made plans...she had plans to go out on thursday for his birthday with him and his guy friends...I was suppose to go out on saturday to a ballgame with friends. On thrusday she sends me a txt saying her plans might change to saturday. I told her that was ok cause my plans got cancelled. Then she tells me the that the plans are for sure on saturday now and she is still going out on thursday...I was pissed. So not only did I loose my one night but now she is going to go out twice...wtf. I know I have no control over what she does but seriously.

Earlier on thursday she sends me a txt sayin "Can I tell you something that's probably completely inappropriate for me to say?" I didn't see the txt till much later when she called me. I asked her what she wanted to tell me and she said nevermind. Later that night when we were fighting about how she is always going out and spending my money going to bars, driving all over putting miles on the car that I pay for to go see her "friend"... she says to me that what she wanted to tell me earlier is that she was thinking about her and I going out to dinner on sunday to try an re-kindle our relationship because she doesn't want a divorce...that she wants to be with me. She then said that she now realizes that it would be pointless because she now knows how I feel about her and what I suspect she is doing with this other guy. I told her that she was right, it wouldn't work. We fought a little more and then she left to go see her "friend". I was outside working in the garage till 12am when she walked u the driveway and started to talk to me. She explained the she understands that I'm angry with her and how I feel towards her. She then said that she just wanted to say she was very thankful for the good times that we shared and that she was sorry that things turned out the way they did. I then responded to her that I never wanted to get divorced but that is where all this BS has lead to. She then walked away and that was it.

Now my mind is completely active thinking...what if she is telling the truth and they are just friends...am I just being stubborn thinking what I know is right...what if I stay with her and I find out I was right...do I waste more of my life only to find out it's not ever going to work...what if I make the wrong decision...if I stay with her are the late nights out with her "friend" going to continue?

This is all just tearing me apart inside, I know it would be easy at first to just not get divorced and try and work on thing but would I just be delaying the inevitable. I worry that the courts are going to favor her and i'm going to loose 50% of my kids to her and have to pay her money.

Why do I have to go through this?


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## Chaparral

Ask her to take a poly. A wife spending time with another man, that's laughable.

And that's all it took to make her change her mind. Let her go.


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## Chris989

Breakingpoint said:


> Now my mind is completely active thinking...what if she is telling the truth and they are just friends...am I just being stubborn thinking what I know is right...what if I stay with her and I find out I was right...do I waste more of my life only to find out it's not ever going to work...what if I make the wrong decision...if I stay with her are the late nights out with her "friend" going to continue?
> 
> Why do I have to go through this?


Oh, come on. She isn't telling the truth. We know she isn't. She knows she isn't and you know she isn't.

You are being a doormat and making excuses so you can continue being one.

Don't waste your life. Get on with it. Get rid of her. Move on.


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## VFW

I won't tell you to divorce that is your decision to make. However, the fact that she has put your marriage second to her friendship is a fact. If I was a betting man I would bet that they have other benefits as well, but that is merely my opinion. The only way I see that this can be fixed is if she gives up this Barney and goes to marriage counseling. All successful relationships are built on the premise that the relationship is more important than your own selfish desires and unfortunately she has made her choice. 

My advise is to consult with an attorney and determine your legal rights. Decide on a plan and start living your life without her.


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## soulconnection

Let's say she isn't cheating. Who would be ok watching their marriage crumble over a friend??? Not someone who wants to b married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602

Do you have a female friend that you can hang with? 

She is cheating with this guy. Your wife is living the life of a single 20 yr old on your dime. She is probably standing her friend a few rounds. I think you are waiting for the woman you loved to come back but she is gone for good. This person you are married to now is delusional, selfish, deceptive, lazy, entitled and a poor parent Your wife needs a heavy dose of reality. So do you. 

You must act. She is out of control. That money she is siphoning away could have been used for a family trip instead of party's with this POSOM.

Please, for the sake of your kids, act decisively to shut this down. Read her the riot act and require compliance as a condition of staying married. See a lawyer, get control of your finances. Doing these things does not mean you are giving up your marriage. 

You are giving up on the type of marriage you have now. You can have the marriage you want but it may not be with the woman you are married to now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LongWalk

Why do you think she wanted to reconsider?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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