# My Husband Is Terrible with Money And It is Tearing Us Apart!!!



## ebsis1971 (Nov 4, 2013)

Hello all!!

I am so broken right now and confused right now

My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married 2 1/2 of the 4 years.

He is so terrible with money and i just cannot take it anymore. I don't want to get a divorce because i do love him but he is so irresponsible with money that i have built up so much resentment towards him.

my husband is in real estate so it's kind of off and on for him. however, he has jobs on the side that brings him in extra cash. now, what he does with this money, i have no idea because it does not come my way at all.

we have received so many eviction notices that i can't even count anymore. He only takes on the responsibility of paying the rent and will not pay for anything else. All the other expenses fall on me. that leaves me living pay check to pay check. 

i had a second job when we first started dating and this job was paying me more for working part-time than my day job. My part-time was just too stressful. After a year of marriage he told me that i could let go of my second job and that he would chip in more so that i don't feel the raft of missing that second income. Well, i have yet to see this happen. i'm always robbing peter to pay paul and i have taken out numererous loans just to keep afloat. Now this man brings in thousands of dollars and will not offer me any help at all. I know this sounds unrealistic but it's the truth. he may help out on occasions but that's it. But let me clear up occasions. he paid my cell phone bill once and he paid my car note all of maybe 5 times in total. He bought me a nice pocket book, a pair of sneakers and a nice coat. 

i am thankful for all of those things but that's what he calls helping out. What about gas & electric, water, cable, food, clothes ect. I have a teenage daughter who needs things but i cannot provide for her like i want to because every time i get paid, all of my money goes on bills.

He always trusting people to take his money and invest in things but he always ends up losing. i tell him time and time again that he needs to take care of home first and whatever is left, then you do what you want. Somehow he just cannot grasp that concept. how i know this is because we are facing eviction again!!!

i have complained and complained to him that i need help and but to no avail. he feels that him paying the rent only should cut it. He has two cars which i did not agree with at all but my words mean nothing. he went to gamble one time and he won $9,000 and he gave me $1,000 of it and told me, " now don't say that i have never done anything for you!!". and i believe that he would not have given me that if i had not seen it.

i have been trying to find another part-time job but i feel as though if i get another job to pay all of these bills, then i don't need him there. When we got married he didn't have much and i will admitt, i held down everything. but i was able to do that because i was doing really well with both jobs. i mean i was able to a lot in addition to me paying all of the bills. but somehow, he got lost in space when he started making all of the money. He still felt as though i could handle things on my own. But even if i was able to handle things on my own, the husband is still suppose to provide right? 

i don't trrust him at all when it comes to money and i was trying to figure out a way of telling him this without him taking offense. He is a very sensitive man and cannot handle the truth at all!!!

The other night he told me that he was getting a two family house so that we could rent it out. Now the line of business that he's in, he will get money off of the house because he's the seller. He wants to put the house in my name but i had some reservations about this. 1. i didn't even know about this plan until my credit alert let me know that i had an inquiry. 2. because i feel like he's making a hasy decision to get money fast because of the holidays. 3. which should be # 1, he will blow all of the money and then i'm left with this house in my name that i cannot afford.

Well, i finally mustered up the strength to tell him how i felt, and believe me, i approached this with so much care and caution. but it didn't help at all. he blew up at me like a wild cat!!! he was so offended that we are so distant that anyone can feel it. i tried talking to him to make him feel better, i'm trying to appease him in every way possible but it's not working and i've had enough!!!

i am the one who should be so distant right now. he keeps leaving my daughter and i out there for dead but yet i'm the one who's left feeling guilty because i had to tell him the truth about himself. i am so exhausted from years of this in addition to his infidelities. 

Am I wrong for feeling this way!! I think i want out. i can do bad by myself.

PS: I'd also like to add that he admitted to having a gambling problem but promises that he is not gambling anymore. But since that promise, i still have seen no changes.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Personally, this is a deal breaker for me. I would leave immediately and file for a divorce. I grew up in a house where one of my parents was a gambling addict. 100,000 was gone in just one year. There was much more then that spent. They couldn't keep a job due to gambling either and would take money from other sources. Even from us kids.:/ 

Addicts lie and lie and lie and lie.:/. I wouldn't believe for a millisecond that he quit gambling.

Sorry, I wouldn't put up with that if it was my spouse. I grew up in that environment of an addict and addicts are extremely selfish. That's where all his money is going. He's upset at you because your taking away from his gambling funds. I can't imagine the debt your in. This debt will keep getting deeper and deeper. You will never be able to retire and will have to work for the rest of your life unless a miracle happens. You can not change your h's behavior or help him. He can only help himself and you are living as his codependent.

Good luck. I do wish you the best.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

It's hard to love someone on an empty stomach. Take half the bills, hand them to him, tell him these are his responsibility and prepare yourself for the worst. You must hold firm and come up with an escape plan.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lonely&frustrated (Jan 27, 2013)

It sounds to me like he has more than a money problem it sounds like he has an addiction problem which may involve drugs or alcohol. Check his habits, do a little investigation, you may be surprised to see what he is doing. You need to have him get this situation under control, or leave because you WILL become homeless. I'm sorry to be so blunt but it needs to start now!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

ebsis1971 said:


> Hello all!!
> 
> I am so broken right now and confused right now
> 
> ...



*You can do bad all by yourself. Sorry you need to leave him before you become homeless. *


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## Navy3 (Apr 27, 2012)

Hi, i'm in a bad place myself right now, I think if you click on my user name area you can read other things I've posted.

please read up on ENABLING, it's shocking. I get the fallout of not "helping", you fear the consequences, no money for basic bills & food & shelter. BUT if you keep "helping" it grows like weeds in a garden. it's very scary to say no, but you must but you need support.

the gut wrenching fear of the crazy things he says to make it alright with himself,"it's not as bad as last time" !!!! last time was £20 k of debt & bullying me into signing for asecured loan of £50k & MORE promises of "never again". this "not as bad as last time" in his head was a total of £53k in debts, 9 credit cards - I knew he had 1!!!! a £15 k secret bank loan a secret overdraft on a joint bank account....the lies, & NO money for food this time not even £5. 

you are dealing with financial abuse, please google it - it forms part of domestiv violence.
think you said he hit you? physical abuse, you sure are dealing with mental abuse. read up on it. 
contact your local domestic violence support in your area. 
not sure where you live but gambling support for loved ones.

you fear the fallout of not trying to sort the £ out at the time so you "help". you need to start looking at how you are going to look after you & your child - this will impact her too.

PLEASE ring a help line for domestic abuse - I was shocked all the £ cycles were considered abuse!
PLEASE get your self a bank account ready in your sole name
PLEASE get a sole saving account & start putting bits away now.
YOU CANNOT rely on him to provide food for you & your little girl.

Also note** a gambling addict like any addict could get violent when you cut off money & helping. if you feel you can get out. from experience if he won't get help you need to help you & your daughter. 
keep safe x


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## Navy3 (Apr 27, 2012)

p.s don't tell him about the sole saving account. this is food £ for you & your little girl. tell the bank you want to be paperless so no statements come to the house. 

this is EMERGENCY £ for your little girl & you, be brave for her x


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## Navy3 (Apr 27, 2012)

p.s don't tell him about the sole saving account. this is food £ for you & your little girl. tell the bank you want to be paperless so no statements come to the house. 

this is EMERGENCY £ for your little girl & you, be brave for her x


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## Tmj4477 (May 3, 2014)

Total deal breaker you can have better control of your finances by yourself


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## Happyfamily (Apr 15, 2014)

ebsis1971 said:


> PS: I'd also like to add that he admitted to having a gambling problem but promises that he is not gambling anymore. But since that promise, i still have seen no changes.


I knew there had to be something. It is always better for me if I have hard numbers to work with because once you know income, mortgage, utilities, insurance, food budget and etc. then if the budget doesn't balance out there is money going somewhere unaccounted for.

This guy has a crisis-level problem and he is abusive about it. You need to put the ultimatum down, and start preparing for it to be unmet.


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## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

I'm sorry OM, infidelities? You mentioned that in the last para. So financial abuse, infidelity and anger issues? Gambling as well, this guy is a loser, you deserve much better. 

He's a very sensitive man, you say and can't handle the truth. You are enabling his behaviour and he's scaring you into providing a buffer between himself and reality. Get out now!!!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

NO WAY do you let him put the duplex house in your name!

You will get stuck with a mortgage and property taxes when he stops paying, and it will all be in YOUR name.

Even if it's not in your name, you will still be responsible for the debt since it was purchased after you were married. I would file for divorce. Once you file, you are no longer legally responsible for new debt.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

A man cares and provides for his wife and family. 

If this person cannot do that, he is not worthy of the terms husband or father. It is hard to admit a mistake, but even worse to live with that mistake.

If he does not provide, nurture, and safekeep, he is a failure. Unworthy.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

How the hell did he make an inquiry on your credit without your signature and permission?

Married or not, that is fraud. Deal breakers all over the place with him, get out and get out fast.

AND flag your credit for fraud. I bet he forged your signature. Flag it yesterday before he does something you get stuck with.

My father did this to my mother, he is still a gambling addict to this day. A disowned one. He defrauded my mother to the tune of 100's of 1000's of dollars. Luckily for her she was able to prove it wasn't her signature and they removed it from her credit report and it is no longer her responsibility.

I have to keep an eye on my credit reports because of him (he has never attempted to defraud me but wouldn't put it past him to try).


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

ebsis1971 said:


> . . . . He always trusting people to take his money and invest in things but he always ends up losing. i tell him time and time again that he needs to take care of home first and whatever is left, then you do what you want. Somehow he just cannot grasp that concept. how i know this is because we are facing eviction again!!!
> . . . .
> Am I wrong for feeling this way!! I think i want out. i can do bad by myself.
> PS: I'd also like to add that he admitted to having a gambling problem but promises that he is not gambling anymore. But since that promise, i still have seen no changes.


*Howdy ebsis,*

To the first paragraph above, BS he hasn’t lost money to anything but gambling.

To your second and third paragraphs above. Nope, you’re 100% in the right. Listen, I myself have a physiological issue with full bottles of alcohol. I see a full one and I just don’t feel right until I have personally assured myself that it no longer contains any of the offending substance.

To that end, and mind you our house has a beautiful and fully stocked wine cellar and liquor cabinet, we (read I) have installed locks to which only Ms. Spin has the key. 

Look, nobody in this world is perfect. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. The wisdom of a marital relationship is that we look out for each other.

In your relationship, I’d proffer that means you’re taking care of the finances the way Ms. Spin minds the liquor cabinet. Nothing to be embarrassed about – United we stand, divided we fall.

Hang tough and ride hard my Sister!

Spin


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I do not understand that he can not discuss money but have you put a mortgage in your name only. People frequently get made when are hiding something. You seem to be handling it the right way. 

i don't trrust him at all when it comes to money and i was trying to figure out a way of telling him this without him taking offense. He is a very sensitive man and cannot handle the truth at all!!!

The other night he told me that he was getting a two family house so that we could rent it out. Now the line of business that he's in, he will get money off of the house because he's the seller. He wants to put the house in my name but i had some reservations about this. 1. i didn't even know about this plan until my credit alert let me know that i had an inquiry. 2. because i feel like he's making a hasy decision to get money fast because of the holidays. 3. which should be # 1, he will blow all of the money and then i'm left with this house in my name that i cannot afford.

Well, i finally mustered up the strength to tell him how i felt, and believe me, i approached this with so much care and caution. but it didn't help at all. he blew up at me like a wild cat!!! he was so offended that we are so distant that anyone can feel it. i tried talking to him to make him feel better, i'm trying to appease him in every way possible but it's not working and i've had enough!!!


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

Navy3 said:


> Hi, i'm in a bad place myself right now, I think if you click on my user name area you can read other things I've posted.
> 
> please read up on ENABLING, it's shocking. I get the fallout of not "helping", you fear the consequences, no money for basic bills & food & shelter. BUT if you keep "helping" it grows like weeds in a garden. it's very scary to say no, but you must but you need support.
> 
> ...


I agree with the financial abuse... See a lawyer also (just in case) and try to figure out what you need to live on for a year.. instead of fighting TELL HIM that this amount is put away period.. and don't give him access.

My husband cleared out MUTUAL accounts and over drafted them by thousands. He is still so super financially abusive he wouldn't allow his attorney to authorize $20 for medication!
Meanwhile he is positing pictures of multiple social media sites with hundreds of $ in his hand AND strippers!

You need to start thinking about the worst case scenario NOW.. it doesn't matter if he has a problem or not- you still need to start thinking about what you will do if he can't get help.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Awesome. You have a dreamer, schemer, wheeler, dealer type. He'll tell you to quit your second job but he doesn't understand why you needed it and doesn't help you deal with the fallout. He'll buy the nice stuff but then go belly up in bankruptcy unable to pay for it. He'll make a bunch of money on a deal but then lose it gambling.

Sadly OP, you're the rock in this relationship. If you want a responsible partner then he's not it.


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