# People and relationships



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I've been divorced about a year, so there are a lot of things i haven't thought about for a long time and need help understanding.

I'm puzzled as to how some people seem to have unlimited dating appeal. they can just move from one relationship to another at will. My x wife, for example, dated a guy for a while who everyone said was a "ladies man." He would date a while and then dump the woman and move on to somebody else. He did that with my x. The weird part is that I don't see the appeal. His looks aren't terrible, but no Brad Pitt, and overall he just doesn't appear to be anything extra. My daughter thought he was the biggest joke ever. She would even refuse to have her friends over when he was around because she said he acted embarrassingly stupid. Yet, he dates very attractive women. We live in a small town where everybody knows everybody; it's not like he pulls the same trick among strangers. So, everybody knows he's a jerk, so i can't figure out what it is that women just can't resist about him.

On the other hand, there are people who stay single all their lives. I had never thought much about it, but I work with several people, both male and female, who are single. They are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. They are attractive, no apparent weird habits, and financially stable, but I don't think they even date. One of the women is very attractive. It looks like she would be getting asked out all the time, but apparently not. Do people who like being single just put off a vibe that says, "don't bother asking."


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's not about the player's looks. It's aobut the way he makes the women feel about themselves. He probably picks up mostly on women who feel unappreciated in thier marriages. He flirts, agrees with them on everything, builds up their egos, tells them they are beautiful. And so forth. The women are vulnerable and fall for it. He's also probably working on building friendships with 2 or more woman at any one time.. even when he's having an affair with on he has one or more who he's talking with and building 'friendships' with on the side.

He also hangs out where the women go. He's not home watching TV and on sports teams with the guys.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Low self-esteem, daddy issues and vulnerability is what those men sniff out.

lol.


----------



## 30Mom (Jan 21, 2012)

I agree that he targets women who have low-esteem. They generally need a man to feel good about themselves. They feel worthless without a man or they need someone to validate that they still have what men desire.

Some people just come to the realization that you don't need a man to feel good about yourself. They get esteem from the work they do, the people they help, or the kids they appreciate. 

Others just had really bad experiences with long-term relationships and are afraid to commit. 

Just my two cents.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> It's not about the player's looks. It's aobut the way he makes the women feel about themselves. He probably picks up mostly on women who feel unappreciated in thier marriages. He flirts, agrees with them on everything, builds up their egos, tells them they are beautiful. And so forth. The women are vulnerable and fall for it. He's also probably working on building friendships with 2 or more woman at any one time.. even when he's having an affair with on he has one or more who he's talking with and building 'friendships' with on the side.
> 
> He also hangs out where the women go. He's not home watching TV and on sports teams with the guys.



Elegirls on the money.

He doesn`t have to be smart or good looking he simply needs to know how to choose his targets and how to tell them what they want to hear.

It`s not hard actually, most guys just don`t think of doing it.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

30Mom said:


> I agree that he targets women who have low-esteem. They generally need a man to feel good about themselves. They feel worthless without a man or they need someone to validate that they still have what men desire.


There are a lot of women like this.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Elegirls on the money.
> 
> He doesn`t have to be smart or good looking he simply needs to know how to choose his targets and how to tell them what they want to hear.
> 
> It`s not hard actually, most guys just don`t think of doing it.


I think that most guys are not as predatory.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I feel some people are perfectly content being Loners - and yes, I feel a vibe can be picked up on by some (word has probably gotten around they don't date even).... others have been burned by relationships & have convinced themselves they have no use for another..... others never give up, still chasing for the Romantic no matter how many burnings they've had .... 

Anyway you slice it, the more you seek, / put yourself out there, take a risk - the more relationships you will score. 

But if one or both is lacking healthy communication skills, give & take, too much emotional baggage, most of those relationships will fall by the wayside rather quickly.... anyone can learn how to be an effective upon 1st impressions BSer... but that doesn't make them good relationship material. It all comes out in the wash after a little "time".


----------



## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> He flirts, agrees with them on everything, builds up their egos, tells them they are beautiful. And so forth.


All qualities that make an awesome husband! Just like me


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

southbound said:


> Do people who like being single just put off a vibe that says, "don't bother asking."


I would imagine so, to some degree.

Those that are just not interested in dating may not make as much of an effort to be as engaging or appealing in ways that would indicate they are 
'available'.

I have a couple of good female friends that are a few years older than me and have been single their whole life.

One is always dating someone or another (although she can't ever seem to find the 'right' man), but she makes a lot more effort to meet people, talk to people, flirt with people.

The other friend could care less (or in my opinion has given up). She doesn't make as much effort in being engaging or going out of her way to meet and greet people.


----------



## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

southbound said:


> Do people who like being single just put off a vibe that says, "don't bother asking."



I think these people just don't care to put up with the bullsh!t anymore that comes with a relationship. They have found being single is easier for them.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

He's a smooth talker. Many women lap up the bullsh!t that he shovels. You dont have to look like Brad Pitt, just be able to talk your way into their pants. Its easy to pretend to be prince charming for some guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RDJ said:


> All qualities that make an awesome husband! Just like me


An awesome husband.. but only if he keeps that all to his wife.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

southbound said:


> I've been divorced about a year, so there are a lot of things i haven't thought about for a long time and need help understanding.
> 
> I'm puzzled as to how some people seem to have unlimited dating appeal. they can just move from one relationship to another at will. My x wife, for example, dated a guy for a while who everyone said was a "ladies man." He would date a while and then dump the woman and move on to somebody else. He did that with my x. The weird part is that I don't see the appeal. His looks aren't terrible, but no Brad Pitt, and overall he just doesn't appear to be anything extra. My daughter thought he was the biggest joke ever. She would even refuse to have her friends over when he was around because she said he acted embarrassingly stupid. Yet, he dates very attractive women. We live in a small town where everybody knows everybody; it's not like he pulls the same trick among strangers. So, everybody knows he's a jerk, so i can't figure out what it is that women just can't resist about him.
> 
> On the other hand, there are people who stay single all their lives. I had never thought much about it, but I work with several people, both male and female, who are single. They are in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. They are attractive, no apparent weird habits, and financially stable, but I don't think they even date. One of the women is very attractive. It looks like she would be getting asked out all the time, but apparently not. Do people who like being single just put off a vibe that says, "don't bother asking."


In hockey, we say to the kids if you don't shoot, you won't score.
There are also people who play the game from a defensive standpoint. They're not married, but that's apparently their choice. You're also assuming that the only way to get to know someone and be in a relationship is to date, to play that particular game in a designated arena. That would be an incorrect assumption. There are many different ways to get to know someone well enough to marry, and traditional dating is probably low on the list.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> It's not about the player's looks. It's aobut the way he makes the women feel about themselves. He probably picks up mostly on women who feel unappreciated in thier marriages. He flirts, agrees with them on everything, builds up their egos, tells them they are beautiful. And so forth. The women are vulnerable and fall for it. He's also probably working on building friendships with 2 or more woman at any one time.. even when he's having an affair with on he has one or more who he's talking with and building 'friendships' with on the side.
> 
> He also hangs out where the women go. He's not home watching TV and on sports teams with the guys.





lordmayhem said:


> He's a smooth talker. Many women lap up the bullsh!t that he shovels. You dont have to look like Brad Pitt, just be able to talk your way into their pants. Its easy to pretend to be prince charming for some guys.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is apparently the case, which proves once again that that a big piece of the relationship puzzle is a "game."




4sure said:


> I think these people just don't care to put up with the bullsh!t anymore that comes with a relationship. They have found being single is easier for them.


You are probably right. I've just about come to this place myself. Being single certainly is less stressful and less work than a relationship.


----------



## 30Mom (Jan 21, 2012)

RDJ said:


> All qualities that make an awesome husband! Just like me


For me, it would make an awful husband. I want a husband who is intellectually stimulating; someone who makes me think outside the box; someone who has a different way of thinking about things. 

Someone who constantly agrees with me communicates that he's either not smart or do not feel comfort with speaking his mind with me. Both of which are not qualities of an awesome husband.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

30Mom said:


> For me, it would make an awful husband. I want a husband who is intellectually stimulating; someone who makes me think outside the box; someone who has a different way of thinking about things.
> 
> Someone who constantly agrees with me communicates that he's either not smart or do not feel comfort with speaking his mind with me. Both of which are not qualities of an awesome husband.


I always had a different way of thinking about things, but I think it grew thin with my x wife over the years. I think she actually wanted me to agree with her and see things her way, and that is probably why she warmed up to this new guy who functions the way others described. 

We built a new house, for example, and she loved it. I, on the other hand, had things about it that I wish we had done differently.  Everybody said this was normal. People who built before us said there were many things they would change if they had it to do over. She took it as a personal insult that I didn't like everything about the house being that she loved it.:scratchhead:


----------

