# its happening



## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

well...my husband of 17yrs. is getting his own place today. I stayed in bed from 1pm yesterday until 11am today. Tried to tell husband maybe some time apart will help us figure things out. He said that I have ruined him when it comes to trust issues. He doesn't even want to try. I then got super angry. He said all I ever did was manipulate him thruout our marriage. I then yelled at him....that this isn't what I want. I know we can work thru this....it is just going to take time. He disagreed. I dropped a few F-bombs and exclaimed...I am offering to do everything I can....you are quitting on us....and have F-bomb our kids for life because you wont give us another chance. He then replied with a few F-bombs himself. After that...he left. Still isn't back and still haven't heard from him. I packed up alot of his stuff for him...and got some things together for him....plates, pots, pans, all his medicine,towels, stuff like that. Now I am just sitting here alone. The kids are at Grandma's house. I just threw away lots of misc. wedding photos...I am contemplating cutting up all of the photos of us together. It would just be a reminder of the lost love of my life. I don't know how I am going to pick up the pieces. Help.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

No easy way around it..1 day at a time sounds cliche but it really is 1 day at a time..my wife got her own place in April after 17yrs of marriage and 2 daughters 10 and 12..she wanted 'space' but already was having an affair..thought I'd never recover especially the first 3 months..I even hate thinking how I felt at that time frame but I do, just to realize how far I've come..I find out the hurt and 'stomach punches' don't last as long as they used to and each one, though really hurting at that instant, soon goes away or maybe I am just used to pushing it out of my mind...talking to a person really makes a difference.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I know that right now you probably want someone to be "supportive" and encourage you, but I'm going to lay some real live truth at your feet instead of blowing sunshine. 

This is the consequence of your choices. And now you want us to magically make it so that you don't have to pay the price for what you chose to do. That's not realistic. 

In real life you betrayed your husband's trust and humiliated him both at work and in his own home. If there were ever a love extinguisher that would entirely put out the fire of love...that would be it. So I would be blowing sunshine to say "Don't worry it will all work out..." That's just not true! The cost of the lying and the covering up and mismanaging the finances and hiding things from the one person in the world who should know you intimately is that it put out any blaze of love your husband had for you. 

So I would suggest that you mourn and come to grips with what you truly did. Don't blame it on someone else or justify it or minimize it--face it HEAD ON and be honest with yourself! Then, you tell me. If I treated you with this much disregard and lack of trust and humiliated you, how could I "make it up to you"? I can't really can I? What's done is done! 

What you might be able to do is to accept the fact that what you thought you had with him is gone. That image has been smashed into little bits and will never, EVER, *EVER *be put back together. But maybe you can rebuild something entirely new. If he has not filed for divorce yet...and you don't want to...I suggest that you take some time off to mourn and get ahold of yourself, and then begin to deliberately and purposefully demonstrate complete honesty, openness, reliability and trustworthiness. That means he will be able to snoop on you, and you'll take it. That means you prove to him that you were where you said you'd be and that you did what you said you would. That means when it is uncomfortable or scary, that you act HONESTLY and show him things that aren't perfect!!!! 

When you've lived like that for maybe a year, it is conceivable he may consider being with you again. Then again there is no guarantee. This is the cost of your choice, and if this cost is too high I hope that you'll learn how to be an honest, transparent person for your own sake...for the future.


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## keke1 (Dec 26, 2010)

Been where you are one day at a time it will get easier...

Don't cut up your memories you will regret it later....

One day at a time...


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