# why is my wife being a b***h?



## captainmeowtron (Jun 29, 2009)

I've been married since January (almost six months) and my wife has turned into a nightmare shortly after the wedding. I am heartbroken. On our honeymoon, we only had sex once (during the entire week) and if I try to have sex more often I feel upset and sad because she just lies there as though she hates touching me. She has stopped washing so that sometimes she smells, and I feel it's meant to keep me away. It's absolutely disgusting, and I've said so.
During my birthday last month, she bought herself a new ipod. She didn't get me anything. I said that I felt this was really insensitive and made me angry, and she said that if I hadn't lost my job (I was laid off and have started receiving unemployment) that there would be more money and I'd have gotten a gift. She actually said, "**** you, I never get anything and I wanted an ipod". This actually made me cry, which I try not to do in front of her. She ridicules me if I cry in front of her. I just wanted something, even a homemade card, or anything at all. 
On our honeymoon, she got drunk and took her clothes off in front of a group of fellow travelers. I packed my bag and was ready to go home. She punched a hole in the hotel wall and was just being a nasty drunk. She started screaming at me that I couldn't get away from her. She said, "where are you going to go, I'll just see you when I get back home". Since the honeymoon, I told her she has to go to AA meetings or I will leave her. She's been sober since then but has continued to have outbursts.

I'm just crushed. She seems to ridicule everything that I value. I cook most of the time, which I really enjoy, and she is condescending about the fact that I'm good at it. She acts like I'm a five year old or an idiot making a crayon drawing. I'm having an art exhibit next month, and she won't support me with it- I asked her to let friends know and she said she doesn't have time for that. 
Why? Why, why. Why is she so spiteful, nasty, underhanded? Why does she do everything to make me feel bad about myself? I told her today, that she's not going to succeed in making me feel bad about myself, that when she does it she only makes herself look bad.
I don't know how much longer I can take it. But I can't stand the humiliation of a divorce, and in my vows I promised that it's forever. I'm starting to feel sorry that I said it. I'm growing tired of hearing her shouting, childish voice. It wasn't like this before. Up until the honeymoon, I thought we were a great team. Her family loves me. I think my friends and family thought it was a mistake to marry her, but nobody really came out and said it. Maybe I should've paid more attention. 
I feel now that I'm trapped in a miserable relationship with no way out. I'm so angry and hurt. I feel betrayed. I feel she wasn't honest with me. There are days when I want to hit her smug face as she's putting me down. Sometimes I want to hit her until she stops being horrible. I've told her that I'm getting to that point. She just makes fun of me and says "oh, tough guy". I want to punch her mouth until it stops making noise.

Most of the time I try to stay quiet for fear that we'll have an argument and she'll start screaming abuse at me. I try to keep it in. I try to talk reasonably. It doesn't help, because she acts like a spiteful child anyway. Why won't she be reasonable? Or at least stop shouting? I can't stand the shouting.
I know I'm just going on here, but I'm really feeling bad. I'm afraid I've made the biggest mistake of my life, and I don't know how it happened. I thought it was such a good thing.
Any comments or encouraging words are appreciated.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Man, I'm so sorry for what you're going through!

What about an annulment rather than a divorce? 

I'd feel betrayed by her actions, too. Maybe that's enough of a reason to dissolve things. 

Don't hit her! Please.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

captainmeowtron said:


> Why? Why, why. Why is she so spiteful, nasty, underhanded?


As a wise man once said to me, "The why will hang you up every time". You don't need to know why, you just need to accept the reality.



captainmeowtron said:


> I don't know how much longer I can take it. But I can't stand the humiliation of a divorce, and in my vows I promised that it's forever.


Your own fear and embarrassment is the only thing that is trapping you in this marriage. If you left tomorrow, it would send a clear signal as to what is reasonable in a wife.



captainmeowtron said:


> Most of the time I try to stay quiet for fear that we'll have an argument and she'll start screaming abuse at me.


This is how she is training you to be a subservient lap-dog.

I noticed in your post, you are fantasising about hitting her. Don't be tempted. I see two solutions here:

1)Man up and be so firm, that she has no choice but to respect you.

2)Leave now before the babies come, and you really will be trapped.

I honestly don't think you have the age or maturity to manage #1. for one thing she is showing signs of being mentally ill. Lots of mentally people can be helped, but there is one class that can not. Those are the ones that are not only aggressive but also in denial about their illness. throw in the drink, and you have a nightmare.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

captainmeowtron said:


> Why? Why, why. Why is she so spiteful, nasty, underhanded?


As a wise man once said to me, "The "why" will hang you up every time". You don't need to know why, you just need to accept the reality.



captainmeowtron said:


> I don't know how much longer I can take it. But I can't stand the humiliation of a divorce, and in my vows I promised that it's forever.


Your own fear and embarrassment is the only thing that is trapping you in this marriage. If you left tomorrow, it would send a clear signal as to what is reasonable in a wife.



captainmeowtron said:


> Most of the time I try to stay quiet for fear that we'll have an argument and she'll start screaming abuse at me.


This is how she is training you to be a subservient lap-dog.

I noticed in your post, you are fantasising about hitting her. Don't be tempted. I see two solutions here:

1)Man up and be so firm, that she has no choice but to respect you.

2)Leave now before the babies come, and you really will be trapped.

I honestly don't think you have the age or maturity to manage #1. for one thing she is showing signs of being mentally ill. Lots of mentally people can be helped, but there is one class that can not. Those are the ones that are not only aggressive but also in denial about their illness. throw in the drink, and you have a nightmare.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

"...But I can't stand the _*humiliation of a divorce*_...."
 

 But then again, you could stand a future of the _humiliating_ way she is treating you?  Am not usually one say this but: SCREW the vows, Dude! Run!

Buying herself an ipod on your birthday and telling you to f-off when you expressed your feelings; her ridiculing everything you value; her outbursts are probably going to get worse, and this is likely just the tip of the iceberg. 

You don't sound like a guy who isn't sensitive to what is going on as you said: "_I think my friends and family thought it was a mistake to marry her, but nobody really came out and said it. Maybe I should've paid more attention_".

Surely she didn't turn into Dracula overnight :scratchhead:, did she? Are you now mentally noting other signs she may be a little , how should I say "_wacko_" ?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Oh, and what MT and dcrim both wrote :iagree: wholeheartedly.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

agreed, Dump and Run, you will only fall into a darker deeper hole if you stick around with this woman.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

She is either a good actress or you didn't get to know her before you married. That she doesn't bathe and smells is something she maybe has always been like.
Some people are just not compatible and have different values and goals in life... I'm sure you didn't marry to raise her into a wife and partner, so what you see is what you get. If you don't like it, I'd advise you start the divorce.


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## captainmeowtron (Jun 29, 2009)

Thanks for all the advice. She is an actress, actually, and I've often said that I feel now she was acting out a part until she was able to trap me. I feel like an idiot. I guess I know what the answer is.


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

:iagree: with what dcrim and MT said. Pack you bags and run, you have nothing to lose, you guys don't sound that own any that can be split and you are out of work right now, so pack up, leave and file for an anullment. make sure you document everything that has happen and pesent you case. If you guys have had not sex then it should be a lot easier, and you will not be leaving children behind.

Man up to it, be srong and leave, I am sure you deserve better than what you are getting.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

No kids involved you split your assets and away you go. It's a no brainer. There's an old saying: "You don't know what you really got until you get it home."


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

captainmeowtron said:


> Thanks for all the advice. She is an actress, actually, and I've often said that I feel now she was acting out a part until she was able to trap me. I feel like an idiot. I guess I know what the answer is.


So I have to ask, what was it that brought you together, to the point of marriage, if not lust?

People just don't understand. If there is not a huge amount of physical attraction on both sides before marriage, it's more or less doomed. In the animal kingdom, it's all based on hormones and tail feathers. We think we are more sophisticated than that. Well we are, but it often makes a mess.

Spouses who fancy the arse of each other are less likely to wander off with someone else.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

MarkTwain said:


> ...In the animal kingdom, it's all based on hormones and tail feathers. We think we are more sophisticated than that. Well we are, but it often makes a mess.
> 
> Spouses who fancy the arse of each other are less likely to wander off with someone else.


:iagree: 

MT you have such a way with the English language...:rofl:

This is why am still attracted to my dh and he to me! Sheer animal. I admit it.  He _smells_ great...all of him, arse and all.:rofl:


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> :iagree:
> MT you have such a way with the English language...:rofl:


That's coz I'm English ma'am


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

martino said:


> It's a no brainer. There's an old saying: "You don't know what you really got until you get it home."


Yes, rather like when you don't look in the bag at the drive through.....to see if they put pickles on that burger or not, huh, Martino?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

captainmeowtron said:


> Thanks for all the advice. She is an actress, actually, and I've often said that I feel now she was acting out a part until she was able to trap me. I feel like an idiot. I guess I know what the answer is.


Well, that's it! Captain-meow-tron:

Actress = Drama Queen (DQ). 

You have certainly described a DQ very well by your posts.

We all know a few of those, except those I know don't make a living being an actress, so I call them "DQ"!

Yes, you know what the answer is. Live and learn.:smthumbup: We've all stuck our tails between our legs  and heard relatives and our dear friends say: "I told you so" or "What were YOU thinking??? at least once  in our lives and lived to tell about it...


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## Hera (Jun 30, 2009)

captainmeowtron said:


> I told her she has to go to AA meetings


Sounds like she needs _professional_ _treatment_.

She reminds me of this book.


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## MrsVain (Feb 1, 2009)

i agree with the others, stop whining, pack your sh*t and leave. move back with your family or whoever but get the h*ll away from her as fast as possible. 

this is not normal behavior for someone just married. As a matter a fact this is not normal "just being b*tchy" either. This is someone with a seriously unhealthy attitude. 
1. ridicules everything that I value
2. condescending about the fact that I'm good at it.
3. acts like I'm a five year old 
4. she won't support me with it
5. she so spiteful, nasty, underhanded
6. she do everything to make me feel bad
7. She has stopped washing so that sometimes she smells
8. she just lies there as though she hates touching me
9. She ridicules me
10. She punched a hole in the hotel wall and was just being a nasty drunk
11. She just makes fun of me 
12. she'll start screaming abuse at me
13. she acts like a spiteful child
14. won't she be reasonable

Those are your reasons for leaving. She will NOT change and her abuse of you will only get worse. If you want to keep your sanity, mentality, plus not be damaged so that you CAN fall in love again and have a good life--YOU SERIOUSLY NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!! Stop blaming her for your miserable life (and we do agree with you, she is horrible) just get out and make a good life on your own.

good luck


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## captainmeowtron (Jun 29, 2009)

Thanks for your support, guys. I'm getting my money and my things (and my dignity) and leaving no forwarding address. If anyone blames me for it, I will just have to accept that.


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

Run to the closest exit, do not look back and do not pay the $200 to pass by jail (like in monopoly) and if somebody blames you that is their problem. One of my favorite sayings is "Ask me if I care", apply it to this situation and go for it.

You should not care what SHE or anybody else thinks, you need your health and you sanity and this is the only way you will get it.

the best of luck to you.

Bella


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Chalk this one up to one big mistake. No shame admitting your marriage is over. I think it would have been a bigger mistake staying. Just live, learn and think long and hard before committing yourself again to someone. As far as the stink of her not bathing and no sex, blessing in disguise. No children to complicate things. Good Luck. Keep us posted.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

captainmeowtron said:


> Thanks for your support, guys. I'm getting my money and my things (and my dignity) and leaving no forwarding address. If anyone blames me for it, I will just have to accept that.


Sound and rational. Good luck to you. 

Remember, she may likely have all sorts of conflicting behaviors toward you, (very sweet and nice to you one moment, a b*tch the next...) to control you (if) whenever she has contact with you. 

We are here if you need us to support your decision!  Stay strong!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

captainmeowtron said:


> Thanks for your support, guys. I'm getting my money and my things (and my dignity) and leaving no forwarding address. If anyone blames me for it, I will just have to accept that.


Keep us posted. And don't do anything illegal. Good luck


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Are you saying that she wasn't like this before you got married?

In any case, I agree with leaving her. It won't get better if there are no consequences to her behavior.


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## Tole (Jun 28, 2009)

I would leave. Annullment if possible, divorce if not. Definitely do not share any debts, expenses, or finances jointly with her like I did. This is exactly how my marriage started out with my husband. It seemed that the morning after we wed, he woke up a very different, very out of control person. Sometimes it seemed as though it could work out, especially during what they call the "honeymoon" phase when he acts nice for a while out of guilt for his behavior. But it would always start back up again. I dealt with it for two years and it never stopped escalating. Each encounter had to progress worse than the last, and only then would he let it drop. The marriage deteriorated my self esteem, my family ties, my friendships, my life pursuits, my money, and almost ended my career before I realized that I was going nowhere but down. It is liberating to be out of that situation and if I could do it all over again I would have said **** off instead of I do.

Anyway the way you describe your wife is EXACTLY how my husband was when we first married (except the opposite side of the sex thing), and there is no reason anyone should have to tolerate such puerile and disrespectful behavior from the one who is supposed to hold them in highest regard.


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## TabbyCat (Jun 13, 2009)

Where is the repect, and the wanting to please each other? I am not feeling love here.

This sounds like an abusive relationship. It's early, you made a mistake. That doesn't make you a bad person.

I would have her bags packed so fast. You need to think with your brain. Keep the emotions out of this. You will make better decisions. It really worked for me.

A couple of books to read by Dr Laura. "10 Stupid Things Men Do to Mess Up Their Lives" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It's told like it is, or the way it's supposed to be.


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