# why am i the bad guy



## anakin (Feb 1, 2012)

Wife had an affair I could care less if EA or PA. All the lies,she said to my face the she made me feel like I was imagining things. Back in july it blew up and I was ready to leave, I don't know what happened somehow I ended back with her. She did a better job of taking it underground, I ignored it and thought hey she is going to screw up. So she did call him when she was drunk and that's the end. I'm the bad guy because I looked on our phone record. We r filing for divorce and because I don't agree with everything she and her family say about it. I'm the one who can't turn a blind eye to her cheating. I'm the one who wants to have time with my kids. So I am the bad guy, I know its not true just so frustrating
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

She's always going to blame shift. There's absolutely nothing you can do about that. But you can work on yourself by continuing the 180 and detaching. I assure you, as time goes by and you begin to heal, you will realize one day that you are indifferent to her blame shifting. That's the goal to work for: INDIFFERENCE. You'll know you've made it there when you realize that you don't give a sh!t what she or her family thinks. So continue to work on yourself. I know, easier said than done. But make it your goal.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

She can convince herself you are the bad guy all she wants. You know you are not the bad guy (even if you are selling yourself that line of BS) and all of us who've been on either side of infidelity know you are not the bad guy. Checking the phone record??? You pay for it don't you? Even if she wasn't giving you all the suspicious reasons to verify her activity you are still perfectly entitled to check you phone records, even just to make sure there is no fraudulent activity, or to find ways to save on long distance or whatever. Stop taking any blame for her bad behavior, don't even let that frustrate you because she is the one all in the wrong - start realizing it and make sure to remind her that SHE is the one having inappropriate relationships with OM, bringing an uninvited and unauthorized person into YOUR marriage.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Human nature. Not necessarily because she is evil. People justify their actions in hindsight. That is how we live with ourselves. Very few can step back and look objectively especially in matters concerning their heart and emotions.


----------



## Bandit (Feb 8, 2012)

That's what chics do.. Blame shift and make their choices your fault... Flip the script and go dark for a week or so, then call her back and tell her you have diagnosed with cancer and only have 6 months to live.. Ha.. Let's see her blame shift onto the dying guy and not look totally evil to everyone, you'll have plenty of allies, hell her family would probably turn on her at the point..... Joking.. but needed to add some levity to the situation... The truth is it sucks and you just have to deal with it and the fact that you married the devil.. I know, I'm still there...


----------



## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

anakin said:


> Wife had an affair I could care less if EA or PA. All the lies,she said to my face the she made me feel like I was imagining things. Back in july it blew up and I was ready to leave, I don't know what happened somehow I ended back with her. She did a better job of taking it underground, I ignored it and thought hey she is going to screw up. So she did call him when she was drunk and that's the end. I'm the bad guy because I looked on our phone record. We r filing for divorce and because I don't agree with everything she and her family say about it. I'm the one who can't turn a blind eye to her cheating. I'm the one who wants to have time with my kids. So I am the bad guy, I know its not true just so frustrating
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hey, nothing you can do. This is what happens when you have to deal with scum of the earth.

You just do as your attorney says, and tell your attorney you want as much time with your kids as possible. You could fight for custody if you wanted to, but unless you can prove her to be doing drugs, beating the kids on a regular basis, or she feeds them glass, she is the mother...she'll win. Being a lying skank isn't considered in custody. It should, but it doesn't.

It sucks, we fathers know. All you can do is put your life back together and be the best father you can be when you have your kids.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

> So she did call him when she was drunk and that's the end.


Are you paying her cell phone bill? If so cancel the service. Why should you help her cheat on you?


----------



## slater (Feb 3, 2012)

when I caught my wife, I used a VAR in her car. Was she pissed when she found out-yes. But immediately I stopped that line of thinking all together. ANY means used to catch a cheater is justified. The dangerous part is when they are not cheating and you have gone to great lengths to spy. I immediately put it on her and said her lies and actions were the cause of all of this. She has since agreed and said she is actually glad I did it. Without the proof, there is no chance they will admit it, and no chance for the marriage.


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

slater said:


> when I caught my wife, I used a VAR in her car. Was she pissed when she found out-yes. But immediately I stopped that line of thinking all together. ANY means used to catch a cheater is justified. The dangerous part is when they are not cheating and you have gone to great lengths to spy. I immediately put it on her and said her lies and actions were the cause of all of this. She has since agreed and said she is actually glad I did it. Without the proof, there is no chance they will admit it, and no chance for the marriage.


:iagree:

Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights « betrayed but recovering


----------



## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

As for her family supporting her, blood is thicker than water. If my wife stabbed me through the face with a screwdriver and I was bleeding on the floor, my mother-in-law would demand, "Well, how do you think _she_ feels!"


----------

