# 1 month separated today..



## RayV (Mar 5, 2012)

I'm a 25 year old male. Me and my (ex) wife of almost 5 years are beginning the divorce process. We have 3 kids together and she has 2 from previous relationships and I have 1 from a previous relationship. Me and my wife have separated before but have never been to the point of divorce. This time we've been separated for a month. Everyday still hurts and I am heartbroken. She gets the house and I am temporarily staying at my parents house. I would never ask her to give me the house cause I can't imagine her trying to find a place to live with 5 kids.

Everytime we argue she gets me to believe that its always my fault and somehow I end up going along with it and I'll be the one who always ends up apologizing. The day we separated I begged her and spilled my heart out to her to not let this happen but to no avail. I'm not trying to make it sound like shes a bad person cause shes really not. I just hate life all together right now. I don't know how I'll ever heal from this. I really have no one to talk to this about that's why I'm on here. I look forward to meeting some new people on here.

-Ray


----------



## talkitout (Feb 21, 2012)

RayV said:


> Everytime we argue she gets me to believe that its always my fault and somehow I end up going along with it and I'll be the one who always ends up apologizing. The day we separated I begged her and spilled my heart out to her to not let this happen but to no avail. I'm not trying to make it sound like shes a bad person cause shes really not. I just hate life all together right now. I don't know how I'll ever heal from this. I really have no one to talk to this about that's why I'm on here. I look forward to meeting some new people on here.
> 
> -Ray


Ray, my ex-gf and I lived together for 6 years. We didn't have kids, but pretty much everything I've quoted above is what I've gone through. It hurts a lot. I know. I am still healing. But no matter what she says or how she's conditioned your mind by now you know and I know it wasn't all your fault. She's calling the shots right now and you have no choice but to go along for the ride. Read my posts and see how messed up I've been feeling. Slowly it's getting better for me.


----------



## lala1978 (Jul 21, 2011)

Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.


----------



## RayV (Mar 5, 2012)

When I was with her I basically cut off all contact with my friends. She wouldn't want me to go out and be with my friends cause most of them all they wanna do is drink and party. I figured no big deal cause I love my wife and kids and I don't need friends when I have my family. A lot of our arguments when we first met were when I was drunk or had been out drinking so I had no problem cutting the alcohol out of my life. My days would consider of Go to work at 5:00 pm and get off around 3:00am.. go home wake up at 7 and take kids to school. Try and squeeze in a nap sometime before 11:20 which is the time our preschooler get outs of school. But can't really get naps when you have a 2 year old home with you. I never complained about sleep or lack of. Wife would come home around 2 or 3 pick up kids at 3:20. Theyd come home and I'd leave for work at 4:30. I work 4 10-hour days. On my days off and weekends I would stay home with the wife and kids. Never cared about going out to be with friends or anything like that cause I was just used to the life I had now. 

She told me she still loves me but.. "were just not a good couple". I tell her that I can change (even though I don't know what to change cause in my eyes im not doing anything wrong) but she says I can't change. When we would argue it would involve yelling but never got physical and no name calling. She has it in her mind that I for some reason try and go out of my way to start arguments with her. (like i said its always my fault) In her eyes shes never wrong about anything. In our last argument before the separation it wasn't even a big argument. 

This past weekend I went out drinking with a few friends. Drank a lil too much and started texting her telling her how much I miss her and still love her. Which is a bad idea cause all I got was "you should have thought of that before all of this". I don't want her to know how much I'm hurting but the texts kinda blew that. Now it's time to stay away from drinking completely cause all it does is make me even more depressed. I'm so confused. Even if we were to somehow get back together how long until she kicks me out again and I'm forced to move back into my parents. 

**Sorry for the long read but I hope some of you will read it.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

So she wants the separation/divorce? 

Are you still there doing all that with the kids or is she having to find some way to manage it without you?

There's always MC, have you looked into that?


----------



## RayV (Mar 5, 2012)

Her mom watches the kids while she works now. But i get the kids every other weekend. I asked her about MC but she tells me no.


----------



## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

RayV said:


> Her mom watches the kids while she works now. But i get the kids every other weekend. I asked her about MC but she tells me no.


Maybe give her time... her mom may get really tired of it soon too.


----------



## talkitout (Feb 21, 2012)

Rayv, how are you holding up? Have you initiated any contact with her, or her with you? Keep your head up.


----------



## RayV (Mar 5, 2012)

talkitout said:


> Rayv, how are you holding up? Have you initiated any contact with her, or her with you? Keep your head up.


I have been doing somewhat better. At least I think I have. I walk around like its not bothering me when deep down its still killing me. We only talk when it involves the kids. I thought I was doing real good until she came to pick up the kids yesterday and just seeing her brought tears to my eyes. I just hope she didn't notice. :'( I keep asking myself why would I wanna be with someone who doesn't wanna be with me. But its not really helping. I read some of the women's stories on here and just wish I had someone to care and love me like they do their boyfriends and husbands. I guess just keep taking it day by day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RayV (Mar 5, 2012)

Thank you all for your replies. It means a lot knowing people can care about a complete stranger and to know I'm not alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

Hi RayV, On March 11th I will have been separated for 3 months. She left because she was unhappy, said I was not the guy for her, and to pursue her career ambitions. As recently as next week, she's said she's still undecided about us. We have been living apart since January 1st, which would have been our 7th wedding anniversary. 

I'm still a rookie in the game, but I can share that weeks to make a difference. Still not easy to get through, but week-by-week, you will find yourself in a better place as you cope, deal with the push through the hell you're facing. Personally, I'm in a much better place then I was a month ago, but it still hurts sometimes. I miss my wife, but I have accepted there is no point in my being with someone who clearly does not want to be with me. Took a while for me to get there.

Wish you the best, and there's a ton of people here for you. It helps to vent, share experiences, and get the occasional kick in the butt from fellow forums members. 

Hold on... crazy roller coaster rides ahead, but like all of us, you'll hang on and get through it.


----------



## sd212 (Feb 24, 2012)

I'm not quite to the 3 month mark yet but feeling everything you are. You have to know that your feelings are normal and we shouldn't expect to feel any other way.

I don't have any answers but to say that everyone I know says it will get better. I'm learning that some of us (like you and I) have a slower process than others but surely it will ease. 

I have my first weekend without the kids this coming weekend and I can't imagine how much it is going to hurt. I still see her almost every day and the pain is close to unbearable. 

Hang in there. We must believe will will survive and hopefully come out better than ever.


----------



## phillybrokenheart (Mar 9, 2012)

Im 13 weeks into my separation and Im still dying inside. And outside too for that matter, lol! 

My husband and I keep going on this rollercoaster with one week he is going to work at making things right and he loves me and doesnt want to live without me and I finally start to feel like I can breath again - but the very next week, he starts all over again, he cant do this, he cant do that, just sign the papers and lets get this done. So even though its been 13 weeks, every other week, I am starting from the beginning all over again with all the inital hurt and agony! 

I finally had to tell him no more. And it felt like a knife going through my heart, but I know the longer I let this go on, the long the healing is going to take to even start.

I wish you well, I hope that each week gets easier for you.


----------



## smith9800 (Mar 7, 2012)

Sorry to hear that. The things which happened with you were not good. But you have to get rid from it. You are not alone. there are tons of people in the world facing this problem. You can't do anything now. keep patience.


----------



## RayV (Mar 5, 2012)

Thank you everyone. It means a lot.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

