# Family Holidays



## sad_shade_of_red (Sep 15, 2011)

Hi Guys

Turning to crowd-sourced knowledge to help me here, I’m at a loss ok so a little back story:

I met my dream girl just over 3/4 years ago, last July we got married, we have had ups and downs like most, but dealt well I feel with them, this post however is about a specific problem

earlier this year my wife wanted to plan a holiday, initially I agreed and was looking forward to it, then she introduced the part that here mother and brother were coming, to me that’s when the alarm bells rang, I tried to explain to here that even though I enjoy the company of her brother and her mother, I wouldn’t be able to relax on holiday with them around, and although she assured me we would have time to our selves I refused (very calmly) to attend the holiday.

I even offered to take her and I away on a separate holiday to make up for me not attending this holiday

the problem is, they are all so similar and enjoy the same activities so picture this:

Mil : Lets go to place X
Wife : Oh yes that sounds great
Bil : yeah cool lets do it
Me : erm ...

at this point I’m left feeling like a spare tyre, as I don’t always enjoy there activities, I have joined in but for the purpose of paying for a 2 week holiday i want to be sure I’m actually having a relaxing time with my wife doing just what we want to do.

another factor is i have been on holiday with them before so i have tried the experience, and without being rude i felt it was a waste of money as i came home more stressed than when I went away, in contrast when myself and my wife went on holiday alone it was spectacular, I loved it.

So my question is what can I do? The die is now cast she has already embarked on the holiday, however I want to know how to logically and lovingly tackle this obstacle, I love my wife very much and don’t want this to be a sticking point

she has sent me messages while on holiday explaining how much she is enjoying it but i also read a tinge of anger in her messages when I say I wish I was with her, with comments like "ur choice to stay behind and go to work instead of having a much needed holiday"

Anyway I must stop now as I feel I’m starting to babble, hopefully someone can help shine a different perspective on the matter! And perhaps a method to make it up to her!

thanks !


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I assume from your post that you are using the term holiday as vacation - I'm an American with an Australian wife, so I tend to over clarify.

I think it depends on a couple of things. Did your wife have a close family growing up? If so, to be considerate of her, I would suggest that part of looking at things from her point of view would be to consider that she would really struggle in a relationship where she couldn't share in at least some time with her parents' family. My wife was like this, and I am very thankful that we did, because she saw this as my attempt to support her needs. We would've never known that her parents were going to pass away within five years, though, so she relishes the time.

Secondly, does she understand the need for the bulk of your away time to be just the two of you? You obviously need that, but not just for your own enjoyment of the vacation, but to build the relationship as a couple.

My suggestion is to seek a compromise that allows her a decent amount of time with her natural family, but the majority of the time alone. Hopefully, she can see that you are doing this for her happiness.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I’m reading that your wife chose her family over you. You don’t have anything to make up for, your wife does though.

Why not book time away by yourself doing something you thoroughly enjoy doing? Learn to scuba dive, kayaking etc. Plenty of people to have fun with there.


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## sad_shade_of_red (Sep 15, 2011)

Halien said:


> I assume from your post that you are using the term holiday as vacation - I'm an American with an Australian wife, so I tend to over clarify.
> 
> I think it depends on a couple of things. Did your wife have a close family growing up? If so, to be considerate of her, I would suggest that part of looking at things from her point of view would be to consider that she would really struggle in a relationship where she couldn't share in at least some time with her parents' family. My wife was like this, and I am very thankful that we did, because she saw this as my attempt to support her needs. We would've never known that her parents were going to pass away within five years, though, so she relishes the time.
> 
> ...


thanks Halien

I will take that into consideration, she comes home on sunday so once she has come back to planet earth il sit down and have a chat


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