# The B word in bed



## newwife07 (Jan 11, 2011)

My husband, in a "fit of passion", called me a b**** two times right before he finished last night. I was very upset and slept on the couch (took all the blankets with me!). He would never talk to me like that on normal terms or even when we have blow-out fights, we don't resort to name calling or cursing like that (to each other--we do yell s*** or f***, but not as a way of referring to the other person). 

He genuinely apologized several times and I'm not upset anymore. I want us to both feel free with desires/fantasies but that was too far for me.

Is that behavior normal? Do you think he needs to "resort" to that in order to feel sexually fulfilled?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I think its normal for men to want to push the boundaries a bit sometimes. And I think its normal for people to lose control in the heat of the moment sometimes.

Since you've made it clear that this is not OK with you, I would not expect it to happen again.

If this is the first time he's done something like this, I wouldn't think this would be any kind of a "need."


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## lucky_guy (Jan 23, 2011)

newwife07 said:


> My husband, in a "fit of passion", called me a b**** two times right before he finished last night. I was very upset and slept on the couch (took all the blankets with me!). He would never talk to me like that on normal terms or even when we have blow-out fights, we don't resort to name calling or cursing like that.
> 
> He genuinely apologized several times and I'm not upset anymore. I want us to both feel free with desires/fantasies but that was too far for me.
> 
> Is that behavior normal? Do you think he needs to "resort" to that in order to feel sexually fulfilled?


What anyone else thinks he needs to "resort" to is less relevant than why he did it. Have you discussed, in a non-confrontational and reassuring way why it happened? It could be that he has some fantasy in his head that came out of his mouth. 

Just 3c worth (inflation)


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

newwife07 said:


> My husband, in a "fit of passion", called me a b**** two times right before he finished last night. I was very upset and slept on the couch (took all the blankets with me!). He would never talk to me like that on normal terms or even when we have blow-out fights, we don't resort to name calling or cursing like that (to each other--we do yell s*** or f***, but not as a way of referring to the other person).
> 
> He genuinely apologized several times and I'm not upset anymore. I want us to both feel free with desires/fantasies but that was too far for me.
> 
> Is that behavior normal? Do you think he needs to "resort" to that in order to feel sexually fulfilled?


Well, i dont say it, but sometimes i think it while doing it...it is a fantasy though....i would talk to my wife before using the B word during sex....probably she'll say dont....so i would keep just thinking it....what i can say we are just men....have some needs and dreams like everyone else....


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I guess it depends on the way it was said and the use.

I call my wife "My Sexy *****" all the time. She knows I mean it with sexual interest because she is very sexy to me.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

newwife07 said:


> My husband, in a "fit of passion", called me a b**** two times right before he finished last night. I was very upset and slept on the couch (took all the blankets with me!). He would never talk to me like that on normal terms or even when we have blow-out fights, we don't resort to name calling or cursing like that (to each other--we do yell s*** or f***, but not as a way of referring to the other person).
> 
> He genuinely apologized several times and I'm not upset anymore. I want us to both feel free with desires/fantasies but that was too far for me.
> 
> Is that behavior normal? Do you think he needs to "resort" to that in order to feel sexually fulfilled?


Different strokes for different folks....
Wouldn't bother me, but not everyone is the same.
I bet he won't do it again lol


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Depends. My girl did not want to hear me say that. Then one time, she asked me to. Well, now I can call her stuff in bed. She likes, I like, but it's all dependant on the mood we're in.

Guess I'm saying, it was probably just a fantasy. He doesn't really think of you like that. He probably has some domination fantasies.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You could take it as a silly but fun bit of role playing in bed. A way to defuse things could be to turn it back on him and call him something naughty too.

Or you could be hurt by it so you go off to the sofa to sleep?

Your choice.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

It's actually an honor. 

And you got upset, well, it is your feeling, he should take that into consideration. 

But if you want hot wild sex in the future, you have to free him. 

It is in the bedroom, and you two are having wild sex, sometimes saying those dirty words can enhance the feeling of excitement!

Don't take words in the bedroom too seriously, only if he is calling another woman's name!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Most women like one particular dirty name and dislike the rest. My wife likes "dirty girl" and to a lesser extent "****". "*****" gets no reaction and "*****" gets a bad one.

However because of your extreme reaction, your husband is probably going to completely shut down his sexuality towards you unless you do something to repair the damage.

If he can't have wild sex with you, then who can he have wild sex with?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I am fine with whatever he calls me! 

He does it even when we are not having sex. 

He calls me " pu$$$" all the time, and he can even do it in my dialect, (I taught him), when I don't behave(for example, not going to bed on time), he will call me "pu$$$" in my dialect, I don't like to hear it, so I start to behave right away.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

Atholk said:


> Most women like one particular dirty name and dislike the rest. My wife likes "dirty girl" and to a lesser extent "****". "*****" gets no reaction and "*****" gets a bad one.
> 
> However because of your extreme reaction, your husband is probably going to completely shut down his sexuality towards you unless you do something to repair the damage.
> 
> If he can't have wild sex with you, then who can he have wild sex with?


Agreed, as long as it's not another women's name, you could take everything he says as "you are a sexy sexy woman!".

Seriously, my girl likes everything from bad girl all the way to any combination of c***, w****, s***, tramp and other words (in Dutch ofcourse). On the other hand, she also says nasty things aimed at me. Quite awesome


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

greenpearl said:


> But if you want hot wild sex in the future, you have to free him.
> 
> It is in the bedroom, and you two are having wild sex, sometimes saying those dirty words can enhance the feeling of excitement!
> 
> Don't take words in the bedroom too seriously, only if he is calling another woman's name!


I love this Greenpearl :iagree: My husband would NEVER in a million years talk like that , he doesn't like those kinds of words at all but I gotta tell you, I woudn't mind if he did ---IF freeing a man verbally in the bedroom brings that out of him & makes him a little more wild & creative , I would be all over that !


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Most women like one particular dirty name and dislike the rest. My wife likes "dirty girl" and to a lesser extent "****". "*****" gets no reaction and "*****" gets a bad one.
> 
> However because of your extreme reaction, your husband is probably going to completely shut down his sexuality towards you unless you do something to repair the damage.
> 
> If he can't have wild sex with you, then who can he have wild sex with?


Your joking right. Her husband sounds like a man's man if he is using that word; shutting down his sexuality because he can't call his wife a ***** would make him out to be a silly pansy, his wife would lose sexual attraction to him if he acted like such a girly man. I don't thnk she needs to worry that he will want to cheat so that he could call an OW a B because he wife made one simple request not to be called a b as you last sentence implys. 

If their sexual connection were on so fine an edge that any miscommunication would effect a man so profoundly his sexuality was weak to begin with. A woman cannot make one small request with out risking a shut down and cheating she should get out now. OP you have done no damage really. 

Just let it go, don't make a big deal next time something happens you dont like, just tell him when you don't want something give him a chance to accommodated you. It's all part of adjusting to what you both like. If he were having sex with himself he could say or do anything but he is having sex with you and you have a responsibilty to make sure it's enjoyable for you. He loves you and he is having sex with you not a wild fantasy. Since that is the case, you have things that are not fun for you. I am certain that he wants mutual enjoyment and if calling you a b makes the experience unpleasent for one person then it a problem for both. 

What if she considered wild sex to be calling him "my little *****" or or "pencil d**k little doll" because it turned her on? Would you give the same answer .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

I don't believe that there is anything wrong with dirty talk, it can be quite liberating and add an extra bit of zing to it all, but as with anything new being introduced....it has to be talked about first. You can't just call your wife names during sex if she isn't aware that you are going to do it and expect her to simply go along with it. 

If talking wasn't part of our deal and my partner called me a "b!tch* completely out of the blue (as happened with the OP)....then yes I'd be upset too initially.

Newife07....the only way you can know if he needs to have that for sexual fulfillment, is to ask him. Is it normal behaviour? I don't know....it seems to be a bit of an accepted norm among those who do it. Ask someone who isn't in to dirty talk and they'd probably say no, it's not normal.

If you are both comfortable with talking during sex....then maybe just talking dirty to eachother without resorting to name calling would be the way to go.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> Your joking right. Her husband sounds like a man's man if he is using that word; shutting down his sexuality because he can't call his wife a ***** would make him out to be a silly pansy, his wife would lose sexual attraction to him if he acted like such a girly man.


Well this is I assume the first time he's ever called her something in bed and she tore his ass out over it. So why would he bother opening himself up to to that reaction again?

Trust me, that man is going to withdraw from her. Emotionally and sexually.


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## SteppingStones (Dec 20, 2010)

Different strokes for different folks -- I don't think there is anything innately wrong or right with "name calling" in bed.

Personally I love it and I get turned on whenever my H talks dirty to me or calls me dirty names. I encourage him to do it even. It's all a matter of what you are comfortable with. We had a discussion about it early on that it was restricted to sexual encounters. As much as I love it when he calls me names during sex play, I would not like it if he called me those names in every day life.... unless he were whispering it in my ear as a kind of foreplay


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> But if you want hot wild sex in the future, you have to free him.
> 
> It is in the bedroom, and you two are having wild sex, sometimes saying those dirty words can enhance the feeling of excitement!
> 
> Don't take words in the bedroom too seriously, only if he is calling another woman's name!



:iagree: Yes you are so right. I love it. 

In 16 years he has never called me a bad name while out of the bedroom. Using dirty names is not disrepect it is sexual play.

The namecalling intensifies a mans orgasms. When he explodes his body shakes. He looses control. I love when that happens for my H. It turns me on that I can give my H that kind of pleasure.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Atholk said:


> ...So why would he bother opening himself up to to that reaction again? ...


Why? Because he would be man enough to realise the mistake he made by not okaying it with his wife first. That's why.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I think the message here is that his intention was not bad, disrespectful or hurtful. Intention is important.
You let him know it didn't sit well with you, he apologized, take his apology sincerely, and don't let it get between you in the future.
You're not "wrong." he's not "wrong."
you didn't feel comfortable with it, and you let him know.
Now let him know that you're not shut down to him sexually too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Better yet - the OP could suggest some spicy stuff they haven't tried yet. She can drive the process a bit. 




credamdóchasgra said:


> I think the message here is that his intention was not bad, disrespectful or hurtful. Intention is important.
> You let him know it didn't sit well with you, he apologized, take his apology sincerely, and don't let it get between you in the future.
> You're not "wrong." he's not "wrong."
> you didn't feel comfortable with it, and you let him know.
> ...


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I think B____ is pretty tame. As someone else said, he meant no harm with it and didn't mean it as an insult. But if you don't like it you need to tell him nicely and not get angry or else he'll be walking on egg shells when he does you.

I call my wife a sl**, wh***, c*** when i do her. she loves it! But it certainly doesn't mean that you need to like it. Just don't make him feel stupid for saying it. Many guys are pretty sensitive to trying something different in bed and then meeting a harsh reaction like this.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Couple makes a good point.
Just as you want your husband to be sensitive to your feelings, it won't do any good to make him feel ashamed about it, because it sounds like he really was just taking a chance and hoping you'd like it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## typewittyusernamehere (Feb 12, 2011)

:iagree:

My friend just recently told me that she likes to be talked dirty to in bed. Things like "you dirty little s**t" she also told me her husband loves it. I was quite shocked at this, and thought that I totally would not like to be told things like that in bed. Then I started thinking, if my partner were turned on by something like talking dirty in bed, then that would turn me on. I get great satisfaction knowing that what I do, or facilitate turns my partner on. 
Like everyone is saying, to each their own. I know it caught you off guard, but you never know, if you talk about it with you H, and realize it turns him on, it might turn you on knowing it does him.


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## Mrs. In Love..But (Jan 11, 2011)

You know people should really consider hos they react to their spouses, especially in the bedroom. Remember that there is no one in the bedroom expect you and your spouse. If you are uncomfortable with something, that is fine. BUT it is okay to experiment with each other. Who would know what you do? or who's to say what is appropiate? Relax and have fun.

I actually like talking dirty/my hubby calling me a B/naughty. If being called a B** is a deal breaker, then I guess your husband will have to adjust. But before you make the final decision, consider indulging in some of his fantasies (within reason), so he doesn't surpress them and find another outlet. 

Just my two cents.


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