# Furry Situation



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Hey guys, I need some thoughts on a situation. I'm sorry, this might be a little bit disjointed; my head is a little full right now!

BF has a medium-sized dog (she's a family dog), very friendly. Hazel is 7 and a higher-energy German wire-haired pointer. She has some pretty bad separation anxiety, and will howl and bark a LOT. Because of this, she bounces daily from home to home: BF's during the evenings/weekends, his XW's during the weekdays. There are people around her house during the weekdays.

I have 2 small dogs who love my BF and his youngest daughter, but aren't a fan of his dog. Dakota (Havanese) and Lily (Shih Tzu) are both 14; Dakota has kidney disease; Lily is healthy as a horse.

BF and I see each other every 2nd week regularly. He will get his XW and daughters to take Hazel overnight and he will come stay with me for 1 weeknight; for the following weekend, I usually take D&L and go see him, or we divide the weekend between our places. Sometimes, I get my folks to petsit my dogs.

Last night, Hazel was with his ex and girls, and he got a text from his oldest saying that their Mom doesn't want the dog there. Besides the girls and us, no one else seems to like Hazel or want her around, which is sad, she's a sweetie. His XW threatened to put her down if BF can't take her (she also told her daughters this). This isn't the first time she's threatened this.

I'm getting ready to move in with BF this year sometime; his youngest is now having reservations; she's 11. I've talked to my vet and gotten the OK to move both my doggos as well. I know that this can be stressful for pets. We were hoping for the summer, but with his daughter feeling funny about it, I'm willing to push it off until the Fall. Fall is the latest I'll move because I really don't want to move in the winter months. We've been together for just over 3 years, and she's known about our plans to eventually move in for about a year now. She was excited and OK with it before, but not now. She's also been acting out a LOT lately with her Dad. This happens mostly when she's told "no", or when she can't have her way.

The plan is/was for me to spend some one-on-one time with his youngest and hopefully resolve some of her fears. I would like to talk to her about this, and answer any questions she has, but if she doesn't want to talk about something, she completely shuts down. She doesn't talk to her Dad about what she's feeling; I highly doubt she'll talk to me.

However, with this dog issue arising again, I've suggested that BF just take Hazel permanently and not give his XW access to her at all. He's to the point where he's ready to do this. Neither of us want Hazel to lose her life over this, and I'm not sure how empty those threats are. As you can probably tell, our animals are our family members, and are treated as such.

Some options that were thrown out last night:
1. I move in faster, and prep my own house over time to rent out; he explains to his youngest, and she isn't given the choice about me moving in fairly fast.

We would need to keep my dogs separate from his when we're not home. Mine are MUCH smaller than his, and while his is friendly, a couple of fights have broken out between his girl and my boy. So...
2. We look for a doggy daycare for his furry girl for the weekdays. This is for Hazel only; mine would stay at his/our home and have the run of the main floor like they do with me now. This would also keep BF's neighbours happy without all the barking.

3. We get a pet care professional to come in during the days to look in on all 3 of our pets.

4. He started looking at single-family homes online last night. Then it wouldn't matter if Hazel barked her little heart out.

We're both at a loss and don't know what to do. We see each other so seldom now that we really don't want to cut back on that time. We want me to move in, but also without making his daughter super distraught. We also have issues with all 3 of our dogs put together, as we don't want anyone to get hurt. 

Thoughts are welcome!


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Has your BF tried anything for Hazel's separation anxiety? My dog takes an antianxiety medication, he also wears a bark collar that beeps and vibrates to stop him from barking. The collar actually helps him a lot because he doesn't get worked up anymore. It doesn't work for all dogs though. There are also sprays that are supposed to calm them down, Thundershirts (which aren't just for thunder, they can work great for separation anxiety), and I'm sure other options as well. It's also important for the humans to be trained on how to handle separation anxiety. Babying them when they are scared just encourages the behavior. 

For night time, are any of the dogs crate trained? That's another thing that can help with separation anxiety for some dogs. If not, it shouldn't be hard to keep a gate up or door closed. 

If the separation anxiety can't be improved, doggy daycare is probably a good solution while no one is home. A single family home isn't really the answer to be honest. When my dog barks (inside) I can hear him down the street. 

For the daughter, at this point (and given the history) I'd probably just tell her it's happening and that's that. Obviously I would be more gentle about it but if she can keep controlling the situation, she will. She may do better once you are moved in and everything settles down.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

bobert said:


> *Has your BF tried anything for Hazel's separation anxiety?* My dog takes an antianxiety medication, he also wears a bark collar that beeps and vibrates to stop him from barking. The collar actually helps him a lot because he doesn't get worked up anymore. It doesn't work for all dogs though. There are also sprays that are supposed to calm them down, Thundershirts (which aren't just for thunder, they can work great for separation anxiety), and I'm sure other options as well. It's also important for the humans to be trained on how to handle separation anxiety. Babying them when they are scared just encourages the behavior.
> 
> For night time, are any of the dogs crate trained? That's another thing that can help with separation anxiety for some dogs. If not, it shouldn't be hard to keep a gate up or door closed.
> 
> ...


He has, yes. We actually got quite lucky, and went into PetSmart the one day to enquire about helping her with anxiety, and we got to sit and talk to the dog trainer there for about 30 minutes. She gave us lots of tips and recommended a pheromone collar for her, which is to be kept on day and night for a month (to replace after a month). I'm not sure that it was as effective as it could've been, as when Hazel went back to the XW's house, the oldest daughter removed the collar. 

I've heard of a vibrating collar too, but not a beeping one. BF has also tried a countertop device that will emit a high-pitch that only dogs can hear, when she barks. If she saw him turn it on, she would run, shaking, upstairs. She was petrified of that. He has also made a cozy corner for her in the basement, and put up blockades to keep her down there, but she's blown past them. 

He mentioned trying CBD oil the other night, so that might be an idea. Possibly a small dose of veterinary meds might be the real answer, but I do agree with trying more natural methods first. 

My dogs ARE crate trained, but they haven't gone into their crates for a number of years now; they sleep with me (I know, this is controversial with some folks), and when BF is around, they sleep with us. Hazel does quite well on her bed on the floor (she also pees in her sleep, due to Addison's disease, so BF doesn't let her up on the bed unless it's morning and she's just been taken outside).


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Swear to God I thought I was going to read that you were dating a guy who you found out liked to dress up like a cat mascot. 

Fun times.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

sokillme said:


> Swear to God I thought I was going to read that you were dating a guy who you found out liked to dress up like a cat mascot.
> 
> Fun times.


I was expecting a thread about that sort of "furries" as well


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ursula said:


> Hey guys, I need some thoughts on a situation. I'm sorry, this might be a little bit disjointed; my head is a little full right now!
> 
> BF has a medium-sized dog (she's a family dog), very friendly. Hazel is 7 and a higher-energy German wire-haired pointer. She has some pretty bad separation anxiety, and will howl and bark a LOT. Because of this, she bounces daily from home to home: BF's during the evenings/weekends, his XW's during the weekdays. There are people around her house during the weekdays.
> 
> ...


Yeah. First thing is to get a single-family home with a dog door, because that makes life soo much easier with dogs. Your dogs may eventually become a pack, but I know I had trouble with my seizure dog and my other dog fighting because the other dog didn't like the seizure energy and found it threatening. It took a long time but they eventually got to be okay with each other. I've had one dog who didn't do well with other dogs, best I could tell so I never tried. Because she was pushy with friends' dogs and when I went and stayed on a ranch with them, it and the other dog just sounded like they were killing each other and mine wouldn't eat all week, but there wasn't a mark on either of them, so it was a lot of crapola and territory fighting. They were so wired up though. I tested to see how serious it was (after examining both of them) by throwing a stick into the water while they were going at it on the ground, and they both hopped up and jumped into the water, so....a bunch of noise. 

I will say this, though. It is very hard to train a dog when you have kids around or other people who are not on the same page as you and cooperating. It takes consistency, and that is rare in a family. That's probably how the dog got screwed up to begin with. 

Probably if the dog got a yard of its own and enough exercise, it wouldn't be so frustrated overall. If it could go in and out at will with a strong fence and dog door, it would probably like that better.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sounds like Hazel is an anxious dog in general, and it's no wonder bouncing back and forth like that, poor doggy. Please don't put a bark collar on her, she will still be anxious, you'll only be removing her ability to express it. I run a dog rescue and we have dogs come in all the time who have had those awful things put on them, it's heartbreaking.

Doggy daycare would be best for her. 

The dog issues will fix themselves fairly easily, the daughter is a whole other story.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

I thought this post was going to be about furries. Super disappointed.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Addressing the dog issue.
Number 1. Health check for dog to ensure behavior isn’t medical (a good trainer will request one), and possibly change food to one with no chemical ingredients.

Number 2. Call someone knowledgeable in handling high energy working line K9s, and how to integrate into a multi-dog home. And deal with anxiety without long term medication.

Number 3. Stability, and routine.

Number 4. Exercise. Exercise. Exercise. Running, Brain games, such as searching, puzzles etc.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Ursula said:


> He has, yes. We actually got quite lucky, and went into PetSmart the one day to enquire about helping her with anxiety, and we got to sit and talk to the dog trainer there for about 30 minutes. She gave us lots of tips and recommended a pheromone collar for her, which is to be kept on day and night for a month (to replace after a month). I'm not sure that it was as effective as it could've been, as when Hazel went back to the XW's house, the oldest daughter removed the collar.
> 
> I've heard of a vibrating collar too, but not a beeping one. BF has also tried a countertop device that will emit a high-pitch that only dogs can hear, when she barks. If she saw him turn it on, she would run, shaking, upstairs. She was petrified of that. He has also made a cozy corner for her in the basement, and put up blockades to keep her down there, but she's blown past them.
> 
> ...


Dogs are inadvertently taught/trained to have separation anxiety. 
Please don’t punish. 
Until you can Find someone knowledgeable enough to help you counter condition see if can get vet to prescribe something to make it manageable until your able to make progress with training.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Do you think that waiting for longer will enable the daughter to get more used to the idea? Has her dad asked her why she changed her mind? .


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

people get WAY over attached to pets. It affects their lives way too much.
take it to a shelter to get adopted. end of story, problem solved. And DO NOT GET ANOTHER PET!!!! you already have too many, unless you live on a farm ad the dogs live outside


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> people get WAY over attached to pets. It affects their lives way too much.
> take it to a shelter to get adopted. end of story, problem solved. And DO NOT GET ANOTHER PET!!!! you already have too many, unless you live on a farm ad the dogs live outside


They are part if the family not to be discarded if they become 'inconvenient'.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your BF's youngest daughter is 11.

At that age to 16, there is no making them happy. She is just getting ready to be hormone filled.

Her opinion will always be contrary, until her chemistry finds a balance.

It is the way of life!


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Every time I read the title of this thread, I giggle because I thought this was going to be a VERY different topic.

Hazel needs stability and consistency. If you take her to the pound, they'll put her down. I think you should take her and let her get settled and have her live in one place. Bouncing around is easier for humans because you can explain; dogs don't understand and it makes them insecure.

I don't trust people who don't like animals, and if my dog doesn't like someone, I take that as a huge red flag. They're way better judges of character than we are. The XW sounds like someone the dog doesn't like, there's a reason. Hazel shouldn't have to be around her any more.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

red oak said:


> Dogs are inadvertently taught/trained to have separation anxiety.
> Please don’t punish.
> Until you can Find someone knowledgeable enough to help you counter condition see if can get vet to prescribe something to make it manageable until your able to make progress with training.


Oh gosh, I'm so sorry if you think that we're punishing her for having separation anxiety -- we definitely are not doing that! She's a really good girl, and she's loved. If you're referring to that countertop sound emitting thing, BF used that for about a week, but that stopped pretty quickly when he saw how scared she was of it.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Do you think that waiting for longer will enable the daughter to get more used to the idea? Has her dad asked her why she changed her mind? .


Yes, he has, and she shuts down and won't talk to him. Or, she will outright tell him that she doesn't want to talk about it. I'm honestly not sure if more time will get her used to the idea; her Dad and I have been together for over 3 years now, so that's plenty of time to get used to the idea of him having a girlfriend, and we've been talking about moving in for about a year now.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

My previous dog had separation anxiety and he used to wee everywhere when he got worked up. Then he got a tumor when he was 4 and died when he was 6. Somehow, the tumor made him less nervous indoors and more nervous outdoor. I guess he was overreacting outside because he felt more vulnerable. Nothing worked, apart lots of cuddles! I would try and have the 3 dogs together. I'm not sure you can fix that level of anxiety. Single family with large garden might be an alternative.

BTW, I don't think you can have a dog put down just because you don't like it... unless you own a revolver...


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> people get WAY over attached to pets. It affects their lives way too much.
> take it to a shelter to get adopted. end of story, problem solved. And DO NOT GET ANOTHER PET!!!! you already have too many, unless you live on a farm ad the dogs live outside


Wow, this is horrid advice; our pets are our family members, and are treated as such. No one will be being re-homed, and of course we're not going to add more animals to the mix right now; that would just be silly. It sounds like you have neither use for or respect for animals as pets, so I would seriously suggest that YOU never get one; for those of us who love and respect them though, well, we know that the joy they add into our lives far outweighs any negative that may come with them too.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Swear to God I thought I was going to read that you were dating a guy who you found out liked to dress up like a cat mascot.
> Fun times.





bobert said:


> I was expecting a thread about that sort of "furries" as well


Oops, that totally didn't even dawn on me when I typed that thread title!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Yeah. First thing is to get a single-family home with a dog door, because that makes life soo much easier with dogs. Your dogs may eventually become a pack, but I know I had trouble with my seizure dog and my other dog fighting because the other dog didn't like the seizure energy and found it threatening. It took a long time but they eventually got to be okay with each other. I've had one dog who didn't do well with other dogs, best I could tell so I never tried. Because she was pushy with friends' dogs and when I went and stayed on a ranch with them, it and the other dog just sounded like they were killing each other and mine wouldn't eat all week, but there wasn't a mark on either of them, so it was a lot of crapola and territory fighting. They were so wired up though. I tested to see how serious it was (after examining both of them) by throwing a stick into the water while they were going at it on the ground, and they both hopped up and jumped into the water, so....a bunch of noise.
> 
> I will say this, though. It is very hard to train a dog when you have kids around or other people who are not on the same page as you and cooperating. It takes consistency, and that is rare in a family. That's probably how the dog got screwed up to begin with.
> 
> Probably if the dog got a yard of its own and enough exercise, it wouldn't be so frustrated overall. If it could go in and out at will with a strong fence and dog door, it would probably like that better.


Thanks for the thoughts, and I really like the idea of a doggy door that she can go in and out of. ATM, BF has a sliding glass door, so that's not an option in the current place, but a really good thing to keep in mind for the future. BF and his youngest are very calm around the dogs, and he's taught his daughter very well how to be around dogs. My boy, Dakota truly doesn't like kids; never had, until BF's daughter. He will actually jump onto the couch to snuggle with her. Lily loves everyone, although being that she was abandoned before I got her, she also has separation anxiety if left by herself. With her brother, she's fine though. 

I think Hazel's anxiety has gotten worse being that she's bopped around so much. I think that if she were to become settled into ONE home, she would eventually even out a little. She gets a nice long walk every evening, and she also goes jogging with BF often. We take them all on walks or hikes outside of our city too. Oh, and yesterday, BF set up a spot for her to jump up on so she can look out a front window. She loves doing that, so hopefully that's a bit of a distraction for her as well.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Sounds like Hazel is an anxious dog in general, and it's no wonder bouncing back and forth like that, poor doggy. Please don't put a bark collar on her, she will still be anxious, you'll only be removing her ability to express it. I run a dog rescue and we have dogs come in all the time who have had those awful things put on them, it's heartbreaking.
> 
> Doggy daycare would be best for her.
> 
> The dog issues will fix themselves fairly easily, the daughter is a whole other story.


Nope, there will be no bark collar here; the one that we recently tried is just a pheromone collar; it just emits pheromones similar to that of a mother dog. I also like the idea of daycare; he has so much energy, and it would be a great way to release some of that, plus the added bonus of making buddies and not being stressed all day.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Ursula said:


> Yes, he has, and she shuts down and won't talk to him. Or, she will outright tell him that she doesn't want to talk about it. I'm honestly not sure if more time will get her used to the idea; her Dad and I have been together for over 3 years now, so that's plenty of time to get used to the idea of him having a girlfriend, and we've been talking about moving in for about a year now.


Her Dad should tell her -- if you don't want to talk about it, then I will be making the decision without your input. If you don't like what I decide at that point, you will need to keep it to yourself. NOW is the time to talk to you, not ***** about it after the fact...


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

frusdil said:


> Sounds like Hazel is an anxious dog in general, and it's no wonder bouncing back and forth like that, poor doggy. Please don't put a bark collar on her, she will still be anxious, you'll only be removing her ability to express it. I run a dog rescue and we have dogs come in all the time who have had those awful things put on them, it's heartbreaking.
> 
> Doggy daycare would be best for her.
> 
> The dog issues will fix themselves fairly easily, the daughter is a whole other story.


True. And if she can get along and doggy daycare where they will be playing with random dogs, then she will eventually pack up with the two little dogs.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ursula said:


> Thanks for the thoughts, and I really like the idea of a doggy door that she can go in and out of. ATM, BF has a sliding glass door, so that's not an option in the current place, but a really good thing to keep in mind for the future. BF and his youngest are very calm around the dogs, and he's taught his daughter very well how to be around dogs. My boy, Dakota truly doesn't like kids; never had, until BF's daughter. He will actually jump onto the couch to snuggle with her. Lily loves everyone, although being that she was abandoned before I got her, she also has separation anxiety if left by herself. With her brother, she's fine though.
> 
> I think Hazel's anxiety has gotten worse being that she's bopped around so much. I think that if she were to become settled into ONE home, she would eventually even out a little. She gets a nice long walk every evening, and she also goes jogging with BF often. We take them all on walks or hikes outside of our city too. Oh, and yesterday, BF set up a spot for her to jump up on so she can look out a front window. She loves doing that, so hopefully that's a bit of a distraction for her as well.


I think just the fact that there's someone in that dog's life who is willing to put her down rather than have inconvenience means that that is the toxic person in that dog's life and that the dog shouldn't be around that and that that may be who is causing the problems with the dog.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I share two very anxious, very big rescue dogs with my family. I am the one with lots of time so I do almost all of the pet-sitting. While they are not destructive they are very loud if they are left alone so I stay home a lot more than I did before we got them. If I’m gone I make sure another family member is here with them and if we are unavoidably all gone it’s just for a brief time. We all work together to make sure the dogs lead the best life possible because they are part of the family and important to us but it is definitely a lot of work.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> They are part if the family not to be discarded if they become 'inconvenient'.


did you READ my post, the part about People taking pets WAY TOO SERIOUSLY???

i rest my case


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Every time I read the title of this thread, I giggle because I thought this was going to be a VERY different topic.
> 
> Hazel needs stability and consistency. If you take her to the pound, they'll put her down. I think you should take her and let her get settled and have her live in one place. Bouncing around is easier for humans because you can explain; dogs don't understand and it makes them insecure.
> 
> I don't trust people who don't like animals, and if my dog doesn't like someone, I take that as a huge red flag. They're way better judges of character than we are. The XW sounds like someone the dog doesn't like, there's a reason. Hazel shouldn't have to be around her any more.


That thought seems to be going around: that it was going to be a very different thread!

We would never take her to the pound and just drop her off. There WAS talk of re-homing her a few months ago, but then BF managed to get his XW to see a little light and realize that she also needed to step up. That of course, didn't last! Apparently, she's being this way because she wants their oldest daughter (17) to take more responsibility. That daughter has dropped out of school 3 times and refuses to get a job. So, a little responsibility would be good for her, and I think she's finally realizing that too. I don't think that will last long either though.

Bouncing around has been hard on her, and that's actually when she got sick with Addison's disease. I'm sure she's stressed out. Like you, I also don't trust people who don't like/respect animals. Animals are a better judge of people than most people are!


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think just the fact that there's someone in that dog's life who is willing to put her down rather than have inconvenience means that that is the toxic person in that dog's life and that the dog shouldn't be around that and that that may be who is causing the problems with the dog.


I hate to say it, but she probably shouldn't be responsible for her kids either.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> True. And if she can get along and doggy daycare where they will be playing with random dogs, then she will eventually pack up with the two little dogs.


Oh, it's not her that's the problem with my dogs; MY dogs are the issue. Lily is tiny and is a little scared of Hazel; Dakota takes a long time to warm up to strange dogs, and being that Hazel is quite a bit bigger than him too, I think he sees her as a threat. Someone to protect his sister from. And, he gets pretty jealous.

The size difference between our furry girls. My boy is just a wee bit larger than my girl:


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Ursula said:


> I hate to say it, but she probably shouldn't be responsible for her kids either.


Agreed. People who would harm animals will harm humans. Life is not disposable.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Talker67 said:


> did you READ my post, the part about People taking pets WAY TOO SERIOUSLY???
> 
> i rest my case


Yes, and we do not agree with you. Let's agree to disagree on this one, and please for the love of God, NEVER get yourself a pet that you will discard on any old whim. They deserve better. Also, if this is your attitude, I also suggest that you don't procreate either.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> Her Dad should tell her -- if you don't want to talk about it, then I will be making the decision without your input. If you don't like what I decide at that point, you will need to keep it to yourself. NOW is the time to talk to you, not *** about it after the fact...


Him and I spoke last night, and this will pretty much be the plan going forward. I'm now planning on a summer move, and we see no reason to hold off any longer.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Talker67 said:


> people get WAY over attached to pets. It affects their lives way too much.
> take it to a shelter to get adopted. end of story, problem solved. And DO NOT GET ANOTHER PET!!!! you already have too many, unless you live on a farm ad the dogs live outside


🤮


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Every time I read the title of this thread, I giggle because I thought this was going to be a VERY different topic.
> 
> Hazel needs stability and consistency. If you take her to the pound, they'll put her down. I think you should take her and let her get settled and have her live in one place. Bouncing around is easier for humans because you can explain; dogs don't understand and it makes them insecure.
> 
> I don't trust people who don't like animals, and if my dog doesn't like someone, I take that as a huge red flag. They're way better judges of character than we are. The XW sounds like someone the dog doesn't like, there's a reason. Hazel shouldn't have to be around her any more.


Yep. People who don't like animals are lacking a certain amount of empathy.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ursula said:


> Oh, it's not her that's the problem with my dogs; MY dogs are the issue. Lily is tiny and is a little scared of Hazel; Dakota takes a long time to warm up to strange dogs, and being that Hazel is quite a bit bigger than him too, I think he sees her as a threat. Someone to protect his sister from. And, he gets pretty jealous.
> 
> The size difference between our furry girls. My boy is just a wee bit larger than my girl:
> View attachment 85351


😍😍😍


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Here's a kind of weird thing that just happened to my friend. She's real good with pets. She has a daughter now who is a younger teen and been diagnosed bipolar and it's been a real mess for the last few months. The dog they had for years died right before all this came to light.  So they adopted a cat recently. She thought it would help her daughter calm down, have a companion, etc. And it was a gentle cuddly cat. But they had to take it back to the rescue because for some reason it was just overload for the daughter now with her mental state fluctuating the way it was. She said yes, the daughter was taking care of it and doing everything right, but that it was just somehow keeping her worried all the time about what the cat was doing. They'd only had it a few days. It was a shame, but they'll get a dog one of these days or another cat when the time is right. I think it was just overload for the girl. I'd never heard of that, but I mean, she's been fine with pets and always wants them. My friend said it was just "too soon."


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Here's a kind of weird thing that just happened to my friend. She's real good with pets. She has a daughter now who is a younger teen and been diagnosed bipolar and it's been a real mess for the last few months. The dog they had for years died right before all this came to light. So they adopted a cat recently. She thought it would help her daughter calm down, have a companion, etc. And it was a gentle cuddly cat. But they had to take it back to the rescue because for some reason it was just overload for the daughter now with her mental state fluctuating the way it was. She said yes, the daughter was taking care of it and doing everything right, but that it was just somehow keeping her worried all the time about what the cat was doing. They'd only had it a few days. It was a shame, but they'll get a dog one of these days or another cat when the time is right. I think it was just overload for the girl. I'd never heard of that, but I mean, she's been fine with pets and always wants them. My friend said it was just "too soon."


That's really too bad, but maybe it was just too soon after the passing of their dog, and it was just too much. Losing a pet is so hard.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Ursula said:


> That's really too bad, but maybe it was just too soon after the passing of their dog, and it was just too much. Losing a pet is so hard.


My two cats dies of old age, in comfort, after long and happy lives. I miss them still. They get in your heart and make it fuzzy. 🐕🐈💗


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ursula said:


> That's really too bad, but maybe it was just too soon after the passing of their dog, and it was just too much. Losing a pet is so hard.


I think it must have made her daughter manic or something for her to have returned it. They're still trying to get her regulated. It is a shame. I was surprised when she got one because her life is upside down right now, totally.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ursula said:


> Yes, he has, and she shuts down and won't talk to him. Or, she will outright tell him that she doesn't want to talk about it. I'm honestly not sure if more time will get her used to the idea; her Dad and I have been together for over 3 years now, so that's plenty of time to get used to the idea of him having a girlfriend, and we've been talking about moving in for about a year now.


Yes it's a long time for her to get used to it. I think that sometimes the adults have to make these decisions anyway and just go ahead otherwise it may never happen. Presumably it's only for half the time anyway?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Y


Ursula said:


> Nope, there will be no bark collar here; the one that we recently tried is just a pheromone collar; it just emits pheromones similar to that of a mother dog. I also like the idea of daycare; he has so much energy, and it would be a great way to release some of that, plus the added bonus of making buddies and not being stressed all day.


You can also get plug in versions.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think just the fact that there's someone in that dog's life who is willing to put her down rather than have inconvenience means that that is the toxic person in that dog's life and that the dog shouldn't be around that and that that may be who is causing the problems with the dog.


Absolutely. Goodness knows how she is treated there with someone who hates her so much.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> You can also get plug in versions.


And a room/car spray!



Diana7 said:


> Yes it's a long time for her to get used to it. I think that sometimes the adults have to make these decisions anyway and just go ahead otherwise it may never happen. Presumably it's only for half the time anyway?


I agree, and yes, technically they have 50/50 custody, although she tends to stay with her Dad a little more, so it's probably more like 70/30 custody. Her Dad did mention though that if I move in, she might decide to stay with her Mom when she's actually supposed to. Time will tell, and I'm good either way.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Agreed. People who would harm animals will harm humans. Life is not disposable.


My uncle, who was a Catholic Priest said "If they can't be humane to animals, they can't be human to other people"


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Ursula said:


> Oh, it's not her that's the problem with my dogs; MY dogs are the issue. Lily is tiny and is a little scared of Hazel; Dakota takes a long time to warm up to strange dogs, and being that Hazel is quite a bit bigger than him too, I think he sees her as a threat. Someone to protect his sister from. And, he gets pretty jealous.
> 
> The size difference between our furry girls. My boy is just a wee bit larger than my girl:
> View attachment 85351


Oh my heart, that is ridiculously cute!! Naw.



Ursula said:


> Him and I spoke last night, and this will pretty much be the plan going forward. I'm now planning on a summer move, and we see no reason to hold off any longer.


So glad to hear this, you can do it gently and with compassion, and absolutely the kids should get to voice their feelings, but the final decision is the adults to make.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Ursula said:


> View attachment 85351


He has the face of a distinguished gentleman. 💗 💗 💗 💗 💗 💗


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Ursula said:


> I hate to say it, but she probably shouldn't be responsible for her kids either.


Not if she's teaching them it's okay to dispose of pets.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Not if she's teaching them it's okay to dispose of pets.


People like that also say things like, "Animals don't feel pain the way people do, so it's fine to torture and kill them." They're just disgusting.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TexasMom1216 said:


> People like that also say things like, "Animals don't feel pain the way people do, so it's fine to torture and kill them." They're just disgusting.


Yeah, and they don't have souls. Obviously they never had a dog..


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> He has the face of a distinguished gentleman. 💗 💗 💗 💗 💗 💗


Yup! Except that the "he" you're referring to is a "she" 😄


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Ursula said:


> Yup! Except that the "he" you're referring to is a "she" 😄


Oh gosh don’t tell her I said that! She is very beautiful. We have a friend with a hunting dog that looks almost exactly like yours, and from far away you can’t tell but if you’re close you can clearly see she has girl face. She is so pretty and sweet.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Oh gosh don’t tell her I said that! She is very beautiful. We have a friend with a hunting dog that looks almost exactly like yours, and from far away you can’t tell but if you’re close you can clearly see she has girl face. She is so pretty and sweet.


LoL, no worries at all, and I'm sure she would forgive being called a boy. Heck, I do it quite a bit with the 3 of them. At one point, between my sister, my folks and I, we had 6 small breed family dogs. They all got called each other's names, and "good boy/good girl" was a frequent mistake when we were all together. It was easier to just address them all together, "come on everyone, let's go, good pupperoni's!"


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Ursula said:


> LoL, no worries at all, and I'm sure she would forgive being called a boy. Heck, I do it quite a bit with the 3 of them. At one point, between my sister, my folks and I, we had 6 small breed family dogs. They all got called each other's names, and "good boy/good girl" was a frequent mistake when we were all together. It was easier to just address them all together, "come on everyone, let's go, good pupperoni's!"


Aw, I call my dog a pupperoni too! ❤


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