# Ex Flatmate (also a friend) & Hubby



## essy (Oct 21, 2013)

Okkkaayyy 
So I had a flat mate, now married and with my hubby.
My flatmate and I lived together for 2 years and we were pretty close gossiping about everything.. Boys, relationships etc.
She was so nice to me but had all these guy issues (None of my business, her life).

Before getting married, I dated my hubby for about 2 years and introduced him to her. We all became a big bunch a mates which was pretty awesome until she started flirting? with my hubby back when we were dating.
She would text him heappps (and not really to me - not expecting it), do that touchy feely thing. She is a really nice, outgoing chick and I guess it might just be her personality but I didn't feel comfortable about it for some odd reason...

After this one text - asking him something where that question actually belonged to a friend of ours (member of the bunch), I just texted her back using his phone 'If she (that friend) has a question, i'm pretty sure she can ask herself. You don't have to really put through that effort'
She replied 'Oh hey (me), sure. But don't get me wrong.. you are just being sensitive and you're taking it the wrong way.'
Don't know why she said that. Did I say it to obviously or was it her natural instinct? I literally said nothing about how I felt and I dont think my text was so obvious...Not sure...

Whenever us friends all caught up for drinks and go out we would all just chill and have fun but for some reason whenever she talks she ONLY has eye contact with my hubby as though everyone else is not involved and its just them two having a chat. Everyone else felt the same way... its just weird. 
She obviously knows I don't feel comfortable since she sent that text explaining herself but I feel she is just trying harder to show it?... 

Oh and this one time... Us friends all caught up and were sitting at a cafe when her guy friend? some random guy came along and proposed to her infront of all of us... we were all shocked (didn;t know who this guy was came out of no where), but she was shocked the most and didn't know how to react. The first thing she did was look at my hubby and tried to calm herself telling the guy she isn't ready etc. thought of him as a friend etc. while continuously looking at my hubby at the same time. 
Just found that also a little weird :S

---------- Up to this point, my hubby and I were still bf.gf-----

After getting married, she seemed to of taken a step back but still has that weird chemistry, eye-ing him only w that weird smile going on (haha sorry hard to explain that face)... My hubby knows how I feel and he loves me heaps and told me that it doesn't matter what she does. I know he is right and I shouldn't be so sensitive about it but I just can't ignore it...

I am still keeping in contact with her all because I like her as a friend and we have that group of friends going on.. Don't want many awkward moments so havent told her until now how I felt or didn't even show it...

Whatever... it doesn't really bother me anymore but have always been curious about this whole thing- always wondered if she did have a thing for my hubz.


Would love to hear what you guys all think about this all xxxx
Please give me advice and thoughts


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I learned the hard that anyone, and I mean anyone -- parent, spouse longtime friend -- can break ranks and do a number on you. 

For this reason, do not try to rationalise what's going on. If you don't like what is happening, then you need to withdraw from the situation. If that means in your case, downshifting the friendship or worse, completely withdrawing from it. then do it.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

As Next time states. If your gut is telling you that this connection, even if its one way is questionable, and it is because your in TAM asking about it the you need to start putting space between you and your GF. If you are really happy your H is getting attention that he could well do without then tell him what and why your making the decisons. 

You H knows that you and your GF were friends before he came on the scene. He may just be tolerant of her because if he says something against her he could end up being called controlling etc. 

You clearly see signals. Therefore act!


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## essy (Oct 21, 2013)

Thanks guys xxx love and thanks for the advise 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*Whenever us friends all caught up for drinks and go out we would all just chill and have fun but for some reason whenever she talks she ONLY has eye contact with my hubby as though everyone else is not involved and its just them two having a chat. Everyone else felt the same way... its just weird. *

Your gut is prob spot on. Especially if your other friends "felt the same way."

This chick is bad news. You say she is your "friend" but no REAL and true friend would be making eyes at, only talking to while out in public, and singling out your man, by texting him and whatnot.

NO FCKIN WAY.

She has, at minimum, poor (horrendously poor) boundaries. At worse, she wants your guy. 

Your guy shoulda said something to her. Or you could say something to her.

It's not cool of her--what she is doing. I would prob limit my contact with her. If she asks, tell her, "I am not comfortable with how you interact with my guy. I imagine you would feel the same if you had a boyfriend and I did XYZ." Better to call her out on her bullsh!t. 

I had a friend like this. She clearly had a crush on my husband. One day, she came over and she started TOUCHING HIS THIGHS while we were sitting in my living room. So I mimicked what she was doing and told her "You sure are touchy-feely on my husband." I shamed her. And she stopped. We stopped hanging out after that.


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