# Am I asking for too much or is he as shady as it seems?



## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I posted another thread titled "Husband refuses to leave" which will give you my back story. We went to counseling two weeks ago and were given homework which he didn't do and that was the straw that broke the camels back. This week he again did not do the same homework. The counselor again asked him if he wants to be in this marriage. He said yes. I was asked if there is anything I would be willing to do other than the separation. I told the counselor that I had come up with a list a few weeks ago but had never shown it to H and I thought that I would be willing to give him one chance to do it. It basically consisted of the following, He doesn't go out with friends without me, Total transparency, date night once a week, I need to see all his receipts from his business (because I think he's hiding $ from me), I can see his phone anytime I want and he can not erase any browser history or texting from it till I do, he wears his wedding band and I think that was it. I have been with him for 18 years and only seen him truly raging angry a few times. This was one of those times. He says he's done. He will not be treated like a child and will not be put on a leash. Won't talk to me, threw his phone across the room last night. Tell me, am I out of line? The only reason I can think he is soooo mad is because he can't hide anything from me anymore. I don't honestly think I am asking for anything that is truly intrusive. He also says he's mad because this whole thing started because he was mad at me and it got turned on him. Maybe but I think that was to hide what he was doing and even so, I fixed everything he didn't like immediatley. Any thoughts? I have no idea where to go from here. I am so confused and desperate. Help!


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

gee sounds like my husband. Things I hear when asking him to be honest with me:

I won't be put on a leash
You are trying to control me
Its none of your business
I'm not accountable to you
Go f$#k yourself (if I ask for transparency)
Storms out of the house
I want a divorce.

You know... actually I think I WANT a divorce now!

These reactions from these guys are an extreme defence mechanism and also a manipulation technique so they make you feel like the bad guy. You know what, they are accountable to us, as we are to them, to be honest and loyal to their spouses.


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