# Honesty plz!



## Sarai-nicole1 (Jan 3, 2014)

So, yesterday I almost encountered death, or so I thought.. Our roads are bad in my area and I spun out of control in front of a semi.. I made it out alive thnk God, I moved my car in time... However, I was terrified after.. I'm nt used to driving on snow/ice, so I panicked.. Afterwards I tried to call my husband fr comfort, but I didn't get comfort... All I get is, we'll what road were u on, and u needa do this next time.. I patiently waited fr his ramble to stop, thn asked him if he could take me home, bcuz at this point I had almost made it to work. I jus didn't want to drive home, because the roads were getting worse and I dint get off work till late and it would b dark. He replies well I don't wanna leave ur car at ur work, it can get towed! Wow, I was kinda hurt and jus Said okay bye. Am I being dramatic or does it seems he doesn't care that I almost gt into an accident. There's been other times where I've questioned if he cared bout me. He shows affection and stuff, but sometimes I wonder about his other actions. Am I being dramatic.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

That was a d!ck move. For sure.


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## Sarai-nicole1 (Jan 3, 2014)

Thnks fr ur realness! I was like dang. I mean he does make me happy overall tho, jus sometimes doesnt give me what I want n terms of sensitivity, comfort, etc.


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## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Just tell him what u just wrote "that u dont c any sensitivity or comfort " from him .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bushman1972 (Dec 30, 2013)

A real man would make sure his family is safe, both physically and mentally. I am not perfect for sure but I did try. My wife(now ex) just got her license at 32 as she had some traumatic experiences int he past involving cars. I was looking forward to her driving me around for a bit as I always had to drive to parties etc. Anyway. She is driving now and good luck to her.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

My ex used to respond like that.It toughened me up that's for sure but I don't necessarily think that's a good thing. it took away some of that endearing softness that so few women have anymore. 

I wouldn't accept that crap from anyone ever again. If you're frightened then it's your man's job to be a good husband by comforting you and helping you just like you'd do for him.


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

Sarai-nicole1 said:


> So, yesterday I almost encountered death, or so I thought.. Our roads are bad in my area and I spun out of control in front of a semi.. I made it out alive thnk God, I moved my car in time... However, I was terrified after.. I'm nt used to driving on snow/ice, so I panicked.. Afterwards I tried to call my husband fr comfort, but I didn't get comfort... All I get is, we'll what road were u on, and u needa do this next time.. I patiently waited fr his ramble to stop, thn asked him if he could take me home, bcuz at this point I had almost made it to work. I jus didn't want to drive home, because the roads were getting worse and I dint get off work till late and it would b dark. He replies well I don't wanna leave ur car at ur work, it can get towed! Wow, I was kinda hurt and jus Said okay bye. Am I being dramatic or does it seems he doesn't care that I almost gt into an accident. There's been other times where I've questioned if he cared bout me. He shows affection and stuff, but sometimes I wonder about his other actions. Am I being dramatic.


I am a guy. I get it.

No, you don't understand. What I MEAN is, I totally feel your pain. I am a very sensitive and emotionally needy man. That is why my fiance and I click so well. 

The problem is, how do you get him to see the light of day? I don't know. I know I have always been very sensitive. However, I am divorced. In my past long marriage, we very gradually became "room mates" while sincerely bragging about how great our relationship was. It happened slowly over time and we didn't even know it was happening.

So, I went through a year of hell in the last year of my marriage. I was traumatized. When it was all over, I was alone. And broken. I believe that played a significant part in my becoming more sensitive and emotional as a mate. I NEEDED a very good deal of what too many women complain about not getting. Leading by example, I gave what it is that I was wanting to be given to me. With my fiance, it works. We are very close.

How can he finally see what is so clear to me without having to go through what I did to see it? And when he DOES finally "get it" he will be so much happier. I wish he could read this post and I could just give him a Vulcan mind meld.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Sarai-nicole1 said:


> Am I being dramatic.


That one.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

MrK said:


> That one.


Can you explain why you feel that way? 


It gets confusing for women,really.On one hand men just wanna be the man and they're tired of being expected to be like women. I always thought part of being The Man is taking care of your woman when she needs you,reassuring her when she's afraid or worried,helping her fix what's wrong...not telling her she's being dramatic or too dependent.

It seems like so many people want women (and men) to be every thing. Masculine,Feminine,independent yet vulnerable.Soft yet tough.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I would question why he had no time for me. What was going on that he couldn't help you and I don't blame you for questioning if he care about you. I would and I don't think your being dramatic.

I have asked my husband for help before and he acted put out by it. I found out later he was cheating and it would of took time away from his girlfriend. Now if he were to do something like that again I will just ask him who is he seeing this time. Which will probably make him mad but so be it.


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## Sarai-nicole1 (Jan 3, 2014)

Thnk y'all fr keepin it real and honest, even u mr k who said that one.. Lol, I talked it over wit my husband again, we talked about it yesterday, but today was different.. He read all the post himself which I suggested, and he sincerely apologized and promised to do different!


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## Syzygy (Sep 13, 2013)

I agree he was being a jerk. We don't get snow where I live, so I would be freaked out and need some comfort, too. The least he could have done was be a little more understanding.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Sarai-nicole1 said:


> *So, yesterday I almost encountered death, or so I thought.. Our roads are bad in my area and I spun out of control in front of a semi.. I made it out alive thnk God, I moved my car in time... However, I was terrified after.. I'm nt used to driving on snow/ice, so I panicked.*. Afterwards I tried to call my husband fr comfort, but I didn't get comfort... All I get is, we'll what road were u on, and u needa do this next time..


 WOW... I would think surely a flush of Thankfulness came over him.. that you were OK.... I hate winter driving... because you just never know..all we need is a Semi to start slipping and we are in his path... 



> I patiently waited fr his ramble to stop, thn asked him if he could take me home, bcuz at this point I had almost made it to work. *I jus didn't want to drive home, because the roads were getting worse *and I dint get off work till late and it would b dark. He replies well I don't wanna leave ur car at ur work, it can get towed!


This has happened to me before.. I feel safer with his driving ....My husband cares more about my safety than anything in life...he's taken me to work, picked me up, pulled me out, left work to help me...anything to assure safety...everything else would be secondary to him....

Mine doesn't even want me to work -due to where we live, bad driving conditions, old country roads...nasty uphill bending driveway that can turn to ice with a little snow..he has parked at the too many times this winter because he fears getting stuck and this is with a 4x4. 



> Wow, I was kinda hurt and just Said okay bye. Am I being dramatic or does it seems he doesn't care that I almost gt into an accident. There's been other times where I've questioned if he cared bout me. He shows affection and stuff, but sometimes I wonder about his other actions. *Am I being dramatic.*


 Hopefully it is a matter of -he didn't process it very good in the moment on the phone... and could have handled it better.. sometimes after we just had a conversation....we might hit ourselves thinking.. I should have done this or that, said this or that.... how did the conversation go later at night....did you & him talk more about it?



> Thnk y'all fr keepin it real and honest, even u mr k who said that one.. *Lol, I talked it over wit my husband again, we talked about it yesterday, but today was different.. He read all the post himself which I suggested, and he sincerely apologized and promised to do different!*


 I see you just posted THIS minutes ago.. very good! 

That is great you kept talkin!


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

When your husband said things like "we'll what road were u on, and u needa do this next time", it felt as if he was just trying to give advice, a technical support rather than an emotional one. But him not coming for you was insensitive for sure. 

My husband was actually critical and not good at offering emotional support back then when we started our relationship, which was hurtful, but then he learned that it is about listenning and emotionally empathizing and validating, rather than trying to criticize or offering "technical" fixes.
But he would have came to me if I go through an almost death situation and sounded emotionally unstable and stressed, and asked for his help! And I would have done the same if he needed me! You don't abandon your partner who is in such emotional state and in need of help, it's not exaggerated at all. It was a near death experience after all and you continuing driving can be dangerous...

If your husband does care for you but is too rational to understand how you have felt, try to explain him later, why it is important for you and how bad it really was for you.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Sarai-nicole1 said:


> Thnk y'all fr keepin it real and honest, even u mr k who said that one.. Lol, I talked it over wit my husband again, we talked about it yesterday, but today was different.. He read all the post himself which I suggested, and he sincerely apologized and promised to do different!


:smthumbup: Awesome! How nice to have a man who is open to approaching things in a different way! Good job to your husband and good job to you for communicating your needs clearly for him


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

well then maybe a new rule that you never drive in poor conditions again . 

personaly I think what he said wasn't all that bad and I would have probly said similiar. But I grew up driving in the snow and so has my wife so its seems not so scary to us.

maybe some lessons on how to drive in the snow would help.maybe a new 4x4. 

so to everyone who called this guy insentive what should he have said and or done.

Oh my god are you ok.......are you sure. I feel so bad for not being able to drive you to work I will be right over to get you. you will never have to drive again.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Well that's patronizing and taking it a bit too far. A simple "that's sucks baby I'm Sorry you had a rough start to your day. I think if you just put your flashers on a drive slowly home it will be ok. If you start sliding just pull over,take a breath and try again in low gear" something like that maybe??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoveLonely (Dec 8, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> personaly I think what he said wasn't all that bad and I would have probly said similiar.


Actually, this is fair. More so, he really DIDN'T say anything "wrong." Even FURTHER, he should get credit, emphasized by his partner, for caring in that way. Amen.

Having said that, she was needing something else too. And I got it. I understood. And it sounds like for them, he later got it too.

All the best to them. And you too.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> so to everyone who called this guy insentive what should he have said and or done.
> 
> Oh my god are you ok.......are you sure. I feel so bad for not being able to drive you to work I will be right over to get you. you will never have to drive again.


"Baby, I'll be there in an hour."


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

MrK said:


> That one.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:




I am a married woman too. I think in all seriousness he was "just being a guy" My Dh would react the same and I know my DH loves me very, very much and is very concerned about my safety. I am sure he did NOT mean to make you feel sad. He was just thinking analytical. Try to GENTLY talk about it and forgive him.


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## Bushman1972 (Dec 30, 2013)

lilith23 said:


> When your husband said things like "we'll what road were u on, and u needa do this next time", it felt as if he was just trying to give advice, a technical support rather than an emotional one. But him not coming for you was insensitive for sure.
> 
> My husband was actually critical and not good at offering emotional support back then when we started our relationship, which was hurtful, but then he learned that it is about listenning and emotionally empathizing and validating, rather than trying to criticize or offering "technical" fixes.
> But he would have came to me if I go through an almost death situation and sounded emotionally unstable and stressed, and asked for his help! And I would have done the same if he needed me! You don't abandon your partner who is in such emotional state and in need of help, it's not exaggerated at all. It was a near death experience after all and you continuing driving can be dangerous...
> ...


I feel your pain from the other side of the sex divide. 

I have and will always support my ex. I hope she comes back one day.

But I am a practicing 180. So I will see what happens. Thanks Temperance! 

I will always treat people with respect and love. That's who I am. I rarely raise my voice. Have never hit anyone since junior school and that was self defense.

I was a supportive husband. I did drift a bit when I was cut off by her emotionally. I have had angry days, sad days, good days, ok days, gumbo days, sometimes I just swim laps of the pool (No I am not Forrest Gump  ). I do feel like she was the Jenny though.

I have thought about death. But I have kids to support and wil take up surfing again in the new year - thus the lap pool.

I agree that you should never abandon a partner. I take my marriage vows seriously, "In sickness and in health etc".

Love is not a computer game or facebook competition (I refuse to be a part of facebook).

All that being said I am no angel either. Nor am I a horrible person. My wife and I have had it tough, financially and with stick from the MIL for my whole marriage. Well I feel like I am rambling now. Good luck to all of you in pain who wish to be in a better place.

I'm not religious, so may the universe bring the gravity and wonder you need.


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

Female here - I think you are being a bit dramatic BUT I also think your H could have shown a bit of sensitivity (even just a 'glad you're ok honey').

I found that once I accepted that *most* men are 'fixers' when it comes to problems, rather than 'empathisers' things like this didn't bother me as much.


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## sgreenberg (Jul 9, 2013)

I agree with those who say he's just being a typical man - i.e. trying to fix the problem and thinking it through in a very rational, analytical way. A guy who was trying a little harder would hopefully see past that and acknowledge that his wife needs some emotional support. It can be hard for us guys to do this, but with some effort it can happen.

Talk to him, explain that you didn't need a solution or driving instructions, but you were calling for emotional support and physical rescue, even if it was impractical. Maybe he'll understand and improve. Maybe not.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

lilith23 said:


> If your husband does care for you but is too rational to understand how you have felt, try to explain him later, why it is important for you and how bad it really was for you.


I think it's this. He immediately went into rational problem solving mode. I don't think it's because he doesn't care about you.


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