# She has nothing??



## Dieselmech609 (Aug 20, 2015)

Im an active duty soilder. Living on base. Me and my beautiful wife have been married three years and have two great kids 5yr old and 3 month old..it recently came to my attention my feels awlful and says she has nothing.. she is a stay at home. Home maker.(does it great). I bought here a brand new chevy tahoe (her dream car). Out my own pocket... I beg her to spend our money on things for herself( she refueses). I dont understand. She mentiond she wants a job when my boy starts school next month. To pay for the truck i bought and put in her name!. She said it was my money from before we were married)..we dont need money and i realy dont want my baby in day care as an infant. . I just dont understand.

Any input? 
Thank you


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## Dieselmech609 (Aug 20, 2015)

Also i should have added she mentiond all the bills all the accounts the house is are sighned to me. And it upsets her?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Maybe she's changed her mind about being a SAHM and is using the excuse that it's 'your money' to do it.

What was your agreement with her regarding child rearing? For example, did you two agree that she would stay home with the kids indefinitely?


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## anonfrank (Apr 18, 2013)

She wants the pride of earning her own money and some sense of control over her own life. Totally normal in a military wife, I would think--my mom is a military wife and wanted the same for herself when I was younger. 

Dad was deployed often on training missions and she had to run stuff on her own. She didn't even learn to drive until I was six though! She learned nearly on her own. Once driving was mastered, she started to work. My mom started with part-time work and progressed as time went on and us kids aged. Has to be a happy medium in there somewhere for you guys.

My mom is the strongest person I know....and I think your wife wants to be strong for her kids.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

My wife has been staying home 10 years and I deal with this all the time. She controls .99 of every 1.00 I make, but she always feels like everything is "mine" and she is jealous that I "get to go to work." She probably needs more friends to socialize with - that's my wife's #1 issue. It got REALLY bad in my house, man, with her throwing stuff at me, etc. I didn't want my kids in daycare either, but she was going nuts. Eventually, she started working part time. It's a happy medium but she still has bouts of jealousy thinking I run the show. Once she starts working, she will be BEGGING to come back home.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Being a SAHM is not every womans dream. She probably feels the need to be around adults and feel like she is contributing. Also if everything is in your name, she might not want to put her career and professional life on hold to raise children and end up homeless and with no career should you divorce.


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## Dieselmech609 (Aug 20, 2015)

I was in the military when married she always wanted to be a house wife and idolized june clever. From leave it to bever. She was so happy with the life we built untill the new baby was born. She has friends. Frends with kids. Family. Im ok with her working. I can even send her to collage. But I have a lengthy deployment coming up. I dont think now is the right time and she is being very Very persistant about a job and "rembursing me" for things. And it creates alot of negitive tension i dont want her money just her happiness.. 

Any suggestions. Do i give in? Stand my ground? Take the money and build an account for her? idk


Thank you all very much


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Do you two share a bank account? You should insist on that at this point in your marriage. Only have one account, and if she gets a job insist that her paycheck go into the joint account just like yours does.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Not everyone wants to be a sahp, I hated it. I work full time and am much happier. ..... it's not every woman's dream stay at home. 

What does it mean to "stand your ground"? Are you going to forbid her from getting a job? 

I love working and I love what I do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Dieselmech609 said:


> I was in the military when married she always wanted to be a house wife and idolized june clever. From leave it to bever. She was so happy with the life we built untill the new baby was born. She has friends. Frends with kids. Family. Im ok with her working. I can even send her to collage. But I have a lengthy deployment coming up. I dont think now is the right time and she is being very Very persistant about a job and "rembursing me" for things. And it creates alot of negitive tension i dont want her money just her happiness..
> 
> Any suggestions. Do i give in? Stand my ground? Take the money and build an account for her? idk
> 
> ...


June Cleaver was a TV character, and Ward came home every night. You are in the military, they are kind of notorius for not paying all that great. So while you can care for your family, perhaps she is interested in bettering your situation.

If you stand your ground it is very likely she will grow to resent you for it. Why would you want to stifle her that way?

Oh, put your money where your mouth is and put her name on the deed to your house if that is the way you feel. Having the house solely in your name can't be making her feel that secure.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Work provides much more than a paycheck. I'm sure you get a lot out of your job. You get to learn, to create, to win praise, to meet challenges. You get to associate with other adults. You get a lot of self-respect and pride from your work. There is no part of me that would wish to be a dependent. I don't want to completely depend on someone else, even someone very nice. I especially wouldn't want to be dependent on someone who might be deployed for a year or more and not come back or might come back missing pieces. 

If your wife wants to work, you might stick yourself in her shoes for a moment. If you spent the majority of your day wiping poopie butts and snotty noses, communicating at the level of a toddler, you might find the experience taxing. I know she loves her kids, but it would take a few hours of playing "mom" and I'd be ready for some adult interaction. You might find you will benefit in a number of ways from having a wife with a little income and some interests beyond baby words and bowel movements. She might also find added security in knowing she could handle business if you were gone from the picture. Maybe she doesn't really want a job at all, but wants to vent to her husband and to know he has her back if she ever does decide to be something beyond "wife" and "mom".


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## Dieselmech609 (Aug 20, 2015)

Solid copy . That make alot of sense. A litlle day care for the baby while the oldest is in school would be great for wify to go do job or school.. but im still very consernd why she insists on paying for the truck.. 
Previously i posted "stand my ground" in regaurds to her not working to pay me back but to work if it makes her happy


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Maybe the truck thing is turning into a power struggle. Tell her that it's not necessary because you're a team but if it makes her happy that's fine, and see if she backs down. She may be uncomfortable with the idea of being kept, at least in her own mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Just an observation, but when folks are upset or troubled, what they say is frequently not what they really mean. I think this may be more common with women, but you'll get it from men, too. Obviously, she doesn't have "nothing" so don't fixate on that. Hear the emotions she giving you. Maybe "nothing" in this case means she feels that she has no independence or that she doesn't feel appreciated or maybe she's feeling overwhelmed. I was in the Army many years. We put our spouses through some major grade A crap just so we can serve. If you sometimes feel like an insignificant cog in a huge green machine, imagine what she feels like. Not only is she married to a soldier in time of war, she's got two tiny sprouts to contend with and she's probably a long way from her family. Y'all have only been married three years so she's gone through lots of changes in a short period. 

Just a thought... Maybe she'd be open to taking some college classes. That might empower her and make her feel like she's growing and building for the future, preparing for a rewarding career....but a couple nights a week while you watch the kids and your baby doesn't end up in daycare just yet. You get something, she gets something and rather than slaving away at an entry level job, when she does go back to work, she'll be able to make taller bank doing something she's proud of. I expect there are dozens of education and training programs on base. She could even take college on-line.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When did she start telling you that she wants to work? Was it before she got pregnant with the 3 month old? During the pregnancy or after the baby's birth? I'm wondering if there is any post partum depression going on.

Is the upcoming deployment the first that you have been on while married to her? The idea of her being left alone with two children might be freaking her out.

How old are the two of you? Did she have a career before you two married?

There is not really much you can do. If she wants to work, she's going to work. So making the best of it is your only reasonable choice.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Dieselmech609 said:


> Also i should have added she mentiond all the bills all the accounts the house is are sighned to me. And it upsets her?


Does this mean that her name is not on the house? If not, it should be. Heaven forbid something were to happen to you, legally the house is yours only. I don't know what she would have to go through to get her name on it so that it's hers at that point. So she really should be on the house.


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