# How would you react to your fiance taking pictures of women on your vacation together



## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

He is 50 by the way. He did not hide them from me.

A couple of them look like teenage girls.

They are of women in their bikinis.

Please see the photos he took. I put them on photobucket. They will be up only for a short while.

Pictures by Smokes1234 - Photobucket

I will let the jury decide.

How would you react and what would you do?


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## Xena (Feb 11, 2011)

I would be asking about them. Have you had a conversation about this? He needs to explain what's going on here. Also, you need to let him know your boundries...what is and isn't OK for you. Personally I would not be comfortable with this...it seems kind of sleazy behaviour. But perhaps you are OK with it? It seems you aren't OK with it, otherwise you would not have posted here. So I would have a conversation as step 1.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Seems like he was bored and also a lousy photographer. Some were just beach shots.

If this is the worst you have to worry about, you are fortunate indeed.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

My reaction would be: "Why are you taking pictures of young women? Are you a pervert? How can you do this, when we're on vacation together?"
Sorry, but I wouldn't want some strange old letch snapping pics of me. That would make my skin crawl.
It doesn't matter what we think. It matters how YOU feel. How did YOU react?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

There are several in the set that have older ladies and one not so svelte middle aged lady. If he were full on perving there would be a far different set of pictures than this.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Seems kind of fixated on the caboose of the girl on the boat.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I totally agree with Mrs. G. It doesn't matter what we think, what matters is what you think.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Any older man taking photos of younger women he doesn't know is just plain creepy. He's pin pointing younger women in their bikinis - the older women etc. are just incidental in the photos.

He hasn't hidden the photos from you but have you asked him what the deal is with him having taken them?


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I would think my husband was a creep and didn't respect me or other women. It would make me vomit in mouth a little and I wouldn't feel comfortable being intimate with him.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Regardless of WHY he is taking them, he has obviously hurt you in doing so. You need to point this out to him. You can ask him why he took them but be prepared for excuses.


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## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

It's been a number of things with him that I am grappling with. We are living together. I firmly believe in getting to know someone before I get married again. 

I have talked to him about his ogling other women when we go out in public together--staring at women--several glances--looking them up and down, etc. Following them in stores to get a better look. Once even, with me in tow.

Two examples of this ogling:

There was a pretty woman at the local cafe. So, with me sitting right across from him, he banters with the waitress (unbeknownst to her) to get her to say his name several times and hopefully loud enough for this other woman to hear her. Then he says, I want more coffee. He never lingers over coffee. Then his whole body language changes and he becomes more relaxed and open, stretches his legs I figure in some way for her to notice him. 

When we were staying at a convention, he had to meet his boss and wife at a bar. I went with. Of course, I'm bedraggled having just got there and the women at the bar are dressed to the nines. We sat at a table and this gal walks in with her boyfriend. He looked over at her like 4 times while talking to his boss and wife. I can't believe none of them picked up on it. The girl being stared at surely saw it. Then his body language changed again, he stretched his legs, got more open. I was so distraught over it all. I kept twisting my engagement ring around my finger underneath the table.

It's stuff (I could use another term) like that, that sets me off.

Openly talking how pretty co-workers are, ex-girlfriends, celebrities on tv and random women on the street. It's almost every day that he has to say some woman is pretty. As far as movies we watch together I pick out ones with them being mainly men, like the Shawshank Redemption. In that way I can watch a movie in peace without having to hear about how pretty that woman is or this one is (I'm rolling my eyes).

Then this taking pictures of other women which I believe may be for a porn stash. To me it's creeper peeper like and also pervy. My worry is could it escalate into more. I equate it with being a peeping tom.

A password that he uses that has his last ex-girlfriends birth-date and I believe their first date together (he was deeply in love with this woman). She dumped him. A while back he had told me he changed all his passwords to me. I saw the file and asked him about it and later he said that he wanted to keep that password. Don't get me wrong, he can use whatever password he wants, but to me it's like trying to keep her memory alive in some form. 

Then he has her picture up at his folks cabin. Before we were engaged, his folks took all of her pictures down and put mine up, which was very nice of them. When we went to the cabin, he said with his folks there and me standing right next to him, You took (said her name) down. His father quickly glanced at me. His mother said, But you have a much better deal here, meaning me. Later, I noticed a picture was up. It was a shot of him and his ex-girlfriend far away together in a boat. I asked how is that and his mother quickly answered oh, that is his cousin he took on a boat ride. It looks like his parents covered up the picture as much as possible with other pictures. You can tell they are uncomfortable with it. Yet they caved in to his wishes it looks like. I found the picture because he has kept all of the photos of them on his computer and we share a network. We each have our own computers.

So, yes, I have talked to him about all of these things. I did notice when we went to a store, that his jaw got firm and he looked straight at a check out girl that we passed. I could tell in his demeanor that he didn't like having been told about his staring habit. When we ate at a buffet restaurant, he was going back to his table ahead of me, I watched him and he looked back three times at a lady in the booth behind us before he sat down. She was with her husband and child who were sitting across from her and had their back to our booth so they didn't see him do this.

He tells me I am insecure. That he loves me and always will.

I never wanted to be a nagging wife and then I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill either. 

His good qualities are he doesn't do drugs, drink or smoke. He is a very hard worker. That I admire in him. 

I needed a woman's point of view and what they do and don't tolerate in a relationship. It's nice to hear how other women have handled their relationships.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

You are insecure, but... it appears that his actions have made you insecure. I love looking at women, till this day i look them up and down. In the office, on the train, i just can't help it. What i don't do is stare, and i'm pretty good at not being noticed. One time when we were on vacation, we were on a tour boat and there was this girl who was a teen on the boat, who was HOOOOOOOOTTTTT!!! As i took pictures of the scenary, i made sure to include her in a pic, in which my wife later saw and said, " I see you managed to include her..." and we pretty much moved on from there, no big deal. It seems like your husband has gone overboard and his actions are disrespectful to you. Tell him how would he feel if the roles were reversed?


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

KLT....do you think you could live with him ogling other women for the rest of your life? Because that's what you'll have to do if you decide to marry this man. 

He's fifty years old....he's not going to change now - he's already started putting you down by telling you "you are insecure". It won't stop there because for whatever reason, he doesn't see a problem with what he does. In his mind the problem is "you" because you can't accept it. 

So I guess you are going to have to decide whether you can live with it or not then make a decision from there.

I personally would not live with it - I don't want to spend my life with a man who is insentitive to my feelings not matter how good he is in other areas.


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## TwyztedChyck (Sep 11, 2010)

Bikinis are what you see on a beach. I didn't see anything perverted about it, a lot of men admire the female form and I think that's healthy. Crossing lines (for me) would be if he followed up with flirting, chatting, trying to talk to other women, etc. Photos of women in bathing suits on a beach is just not that big a deal. IMO, of course.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Rob774 said:


> You are insecure, but... it appears that his actions have made you insecure. I love looking at women, till this day i look them up and down. In the office, on the train, i just can't help it. What i don't do is stare, and i'm pretty good at not being noticed. One time when we were on vacation, we were on a tour boat and there was this girl who was a teen on the boat, who was HOOOOOOOOTTTTT!!! As i took pictures of the scenary, i made sure to include her in a pic, in which my wife later saw and said, " I see you managed to include her..." and we pretty much moved on from there, no big deal. It seems like your husband has gone overboard and his actions are disrespectful to you. Tell him how would he feel if the roles were reversed?



How did that work for you? Are you and your wife still together?


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## kipper (Jan 12, 2011)

If you have noticed this behaviour before, and it seems to be entrenched behaviour or a fascination I'd be worried about how it evolves, I mean what are his limits? maybe he's looking for an "ok" from you by showig you the photos. I'd be worried about getting into a world of sadness and pain if you stick with this guy.


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## dawn2011 (Mar 22, 2011)

In my opinion, his behavior towards other women (and teenage girls) is creepy . . . and if not creepy, then at least obsessive in an unhealthy way. He is being insensitive and disrespectful towards you. I see lots of red flags here.


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## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

After we discussed everything there were no apologies or let's fix this or what can I do to improve this relationship. What he said was my insecurities are at play.

1) I thought he would say okay I will try and tone down the ogling.
2) He has stopped saying how pretty women are although he does slip up.
3) He has not deleted those pictures of the girls in the bikinis.
4) He has not changed the password.
5) I'm not sure if he has approached his folks about his ex-girlfriends picture. --He told me he did not know it was up there which I do not believe at all. He was standing right there when his mother said it was him and his cousin on the boat which it was not.

When we go to develop the vacation pictures I was going to say why don't we make an extra set of prints of those girls for your folks. I think I will post them on my Facebook too. Also, I thought of putting them on a slideshow as a screensaver on my computer. --I'm venting. lol

Life is about choices. He is chosing to act this way in public and do these things. I believe a person has to own up and take responsiblities for their actions and suffer the consequences or fallout.

I think it is a perving behavior or peeping tom type behavior. It is rather sickening and I am very uncomfortable with it. It's like he is a walking hormone with no boundaries.

He may adjust his behavior, but will it ever "really" change?? Deep down won't those tendencies always be there?

Yet he says he loves me and please don't ever leave me.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Houston, we have a problem!!

I'm afraid you have latched on to a Perv. Look, I'm a guy and although I too glance at a beautiful woman if one is there, I'd never follow her to get a better look/take inappropriate pics etc. And how F'ing dissrespectful is he to have you tag along in his Perv pursuits. How do you think that young woman on the windsurfer would feel knowing that some old Perv was taking Pics of her ass just feet away from her. Oh, and don't anyone try and fool yourself into believing he is not using these images for masturbation.

The fact that he is not hiding these images from you means he truly does not feel there is anything wrong with it. That is why he tries to say "you are insecure". Tell you what, why don't you go to the beach, take some crotch shots of some very fit young men, and put them on your computer screen as a screen saver................Better yet, just leave. You deserve better.


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## Wrench (Mar 21, 2011)

KLT those are pretty creepy, that dude in #16 looked like he was gonna smack him. I like checking out women and I know lots of other guys that do too but we have some decency about it.

The fact that he's not embarrassed about those pics and is calling you insecure doesn't sit well with me. You'd be better off with a kind-hearted guy who maybe drinks a bit but respects you.

Don't let him shrug these off, he has a problem he can't control.


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## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

Wow! It is really nice that some guys out there agree with me.

I believe those pictures are for spank material too. I should e-mail them to his friends, so they really know what he is like. I'm just getting a little revengeful.

It makes me wonder what his employees would think since he is the head of an organization. It's bad because I know what he is really like now and where the deviation comes in and they haven't a clue.

It was on a catamaran. The girl kept running up front to the boat as if in saying, look at me, I am hot. She went up there several times. So that did not help matters. The other women on the sailboat were rolling their eyes at her. So we had a flirt and a perv together (sigh). The other guy was a crew member and it looks like he caught on to what was happening.

I'm on a limited income so moving won't be that easy, but that won't stop me from looking at properties. At least I can buy a house outright if need be. I just need to crunch the numbers.

All of this has really devastated me. In the beginning I thought he was a really nice guy and how lucky I was to find someone like him.

Obviously I am not enough for him, maybe too old. It appears he wants the young ones with tight bodies. Model types, arm candy seems to be what he is really after.

One of my girlfriends said, well maybe someone having a drink and a smoke now and then wouldn't be so bad. That he sounded boring to her. lol


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I can understand looking at other people - you're engaged, not dead.

But - why do men have to make it so obvious as to cause insecurity in their SO or so that they feel bad about themselves.

Look - yes

But can't you guys be more discreet?

I see tons of HOOOOTTTTT guys on TV and at work, in town, etc. But I have yet to look them up and down, follow them with my eyes and mention how hot I think they are in front of my husband - it's about respect, plain and simple.

Nobody is saying - don't look - but be respectful about it and not make your SO feel like a piece of s**it when you do.

Just saying...


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

KLT said:


> When we go to develop the vacation pictures I was going to say why don't we make an extra set of prints of those girls for your folks. I think I will post them on my Facebook too. Also, I thought of putting them on a slideshow as a screensaver on my computer. --I'm venting. lol


I know you probably wouldn't actually do any of those things and you are just venting but just in case you are thinking of doing it - please don't. 

Don't forget these are pics of people who had no idea that their photos have been taken in the first place and at the moment they are already on the internet without their knowledge.


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

At 50 you're not going to change him. If you can't live with it then get out. But if you do love him and can forgive this one terrible habit of his AND you're sure he's not a cheater then live happily ever after and tease him about his wierdness in that way a secure happy couple tease each other about their faults.


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## marky (Mar 27, 2011)

First of all, I have done this with my woman's permission. She is secure enough that she allowed me to do it. She even pointed out some girls that she thought looked good in teeny weeny bikinis. Of course we both agreed that I was just taking the pictures to send to my friends who live in a cold climate state. When you're secure about your relationship, these things can be little or you can blow them up and make an issue out of something that was nothing. I later deleted the pictures because they meant nothing to me. Just something to lust at from time to time. I have the real deal so the pictures lost their power.


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## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

He said that I was yelling at him when we discussed this issue of the picture taking and his ogling. I was not. I was tearful and conveying how hurt I was by his actions. He defends himself that the girl on the boat had her butt in the way when he took those pictures (I'm rolling my eyes as I type that). He won't own up to it. He says he wants to marry me. There is no one else and to never think that I am not good enough, because I am. He begs me to not take my love away from him. 
I told him when we are out that I will not be disrespected and made a fool of. But, soon as we went out he looked at other women. He did playfully put his hands around his eyes as if he had blinders on the first time we went out. I am resigned that this ogling will never stop. It's very annoying and upsetting to me. As I was driving myself to an appointment, I got sick to my stomach thinking about those pictures. It creeps me out. Why do guys do this? It appears perverted to me. Yes, SaffronPower you do have a point. Can I forgive him this one mistake? I don't know. He took pictures like this the first time we went on a vacation together. So as one poster asked if it was an entrenched behavior--I think it may be. Eventually, I will pull down the pictures as SurferGirl had indicated I should. I was going to do this the first day but I wanted responses as to what I should do or how others would have handled it. I even went as far as looking at properties to purchase these past few days. I've been moping about trying to figure out what to do. I seem very indecisive. Sad by what has transpired too.


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

Is there a reason why you think this guy is the best you can do? You appear to have very low self esteem if you are willing to tolerate this kind of creep in your life. And he does indeed sound like a total creep. You ask why guys do this? Not all of them do, and very few do the things your BF does. This is not typical behavior, as you can tell from many of the responses here...including from men. It seems he doesn't have to try very hard to convince you to stay even though deep down you know he'll never change. You can do better than this, trust me.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I noticed none of the "men" weighed in on why they can't be more discreet.

Perhaps some guilt out there? HA


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## sweet pce (Oct 28, 2010)

wow, I find this extremely disrespectful! My BF can look at whoever he wants WHEN I'm not around, if I am around I expect him to be discrete and not oggle or over stare. have a little self control and a lot more respect for your woman gentlemen. My BF did this he would be gone, I know it would breed insecurities and I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. Be the strong, confident woman you can be and let him know it's pissing you off, that it's a total creep move to take a picture little own 20, and that if he can't respect you you'll find someone who will. This is obviously how you feel, am I wrong?


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## moonangel (Jan 19, 2011)

KLT said:


> After we discussed everything there were no apologies or let's fix this or what can I do to improve this relationship. What he said was my insecurities are at play.
> 
> 1) I thought he would say okay I will try and tone down the ogling.
> 2) He has stopped saying how pretty women are although he does slip up.
> ...


I think you should take your own advice (bolded above). "Life is about choices. You are choosing to be with this perv...you know deep down you don't want someone like him and you're just trying to justify if it is one bit okay even though you know it's not. A person has to own up and take responsiblities for their actions and suffer the consequences or fallout....this means you too."


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## MarriedGirl_2007 (Mar 29, 2011)

I don't think it matters what we all think hun. Final say so is what you think and how you want to move forward!


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## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

Sweetpce-I did tell him other men out there wouldn't do this with their significant others present and that I wanted respect.
It's obvious my confidence has gone down and I'm not as strong as I thought.
Moonangel is right that I need to follow my own advice.
Myopia1964--I do suffer from low self esteem. Otherwise, why do I tolerate this behavior? My late husband verbally abused me for years. After that long of a time you start believing what they tell you.
I need to gather the courage to leave and get on with my life. Life is too short. I've suffered enough in the past and I don't need any more suffering because of someone elses deviant behavior. I don't need their problems to become my problems. And yes, I will tell him if he can't respect me, I am sure there is someone else out there that will.


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## Myopia1964 (Feb 10, 2011)

KLT said:


> Sweetpce-I did tell him other men out there wouldn't do this with their significant others present and that I wanted respect.
> It's obvious my confidence has gone down and I'm not as strong as I thought.
> Moonangel is right that I need to follow my own advice.
> Myopia1964--I do suffer from low self esteem. Otherwise, why do I tolerate this behavior? My late husband verbally abused me for years. After that long of a time you start believing what they tell you.
> I need to gather the courage to leave and get on with my life. Life is too short. I've suffered enough in the past and I don't need any more suffering because of someone elses deviant behavior. I don't need their problems to become my problems. And yes, I will tell him if he can't respect me, I am sure there is someone else out there that will.


KLT...I feel for you...I have serious self-esteem and co-dependent problems myself as the result of growing up in an alcoholic family. As a result, I've been in one relationship after another where I've been a doormat and put my own needs after a man's. I've accepted poor treatment and not stood up for myself. I've allowed myself to be devalued and disrespected over and over. But the key is (I've finally figured out after much reading and counseling), I'm allowing these people to treat me this way. I happen to have a very strong negative opinion about porn...I find it is degrading to women and unhealthy for relationships. And yet, a few years ago I dated a man who had a porn addiction and I found myself not only overlooking it but participating in it! I was doing things in that relationship that totally compromised my principles and I did them because I was afraid that I would lose him if I didn't. He didn't force me...I did these things and I tolerated behavior that was normally unacceptable to me. The thing is, losing him was exactly what I needed to do because he was a total creep and a lying, cheating, abusive man who despised women. I suspect you are compromising your principles with this man because you are afraid of losing the relationship. The thing you don't acknowledge is that, letting go of this guy and reclaiming your identity is probably the best thing you can for yourself.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I noticed none of the "men" weighed in on why they can't be more discreet.
> 
> Perhaps some guilt out there? HA



We can and are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would throw his camera in the ocean. Then I'd tell them a real woman is here, right here, in front of him.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> I would throw his camera in the ocean. Then I'd tell them a real woman is here, right here, in front of him.


For some men, having a real woman right there in front of him simply isn't enough....and it never will be.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

surfergirl said:


> For some men, having a real woman right there in front of him simply isn't enough....and it never will be.


So sad. I never cared what my wife weighed or how young she looks.


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## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

Myopia1964--I grew up in an alcoholic family situation. I never felt safe from my dad. He was nice off the booze, but he was mean and nasty on it. He never hit me or my mother, but he said foul things and would come home in the wee hours of the morning. I lived in fear of his temper throughout my childhood. It's complicated at best. Then I married a very strong opinionated man that beat me down verbally, but never physically. He passed away and a weight was lifted from my shoulders. Then I meet someone from my past that I dated before and he seemed like a very nice man and so different from my late husband. I know there is co-dependency going on here, I can somehow feel it. Yes, I have compromised my principles in the porn area too and have also participated in it. I think too and I know this does not sound good, but I am very scared financially because the economy is not sound right now and I'm scared I would head into poverty. I don't know how I would make ends meet. I'm not young anymore. Plus, I need some surgeries in this coming year and what company would allow time off for all of that? So, I have been hanging tight. I do feel I need some counseling for this situation at least for myself, but I can't afford the out of pocket expense at the moment. 
As far as SurferGirl said--Having one real woman in front of them is not always enough is true.
Runs like Dog--It seems very visual on his part, being young and in top shape. So, I can't figure out why he doesn't just go with that type of person then?


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## Etherial (Mar 31, 2011)

And you want to be with this guy because ...? Honey, you are already "playing house". I don't know where you get the idea that you want to try someone out before you marry them makes any sense. That's like sleeping with someone on the first date and then a week later say "you want to take it slow" That always confused me

if you stay or even marry this guy, you will be so damn miserable, you'll either divorce or annul the marriage.

There's nothing here. Love should be effortless, some work, but without all that crap and tears in between.

Insecure, my butt! Leave now!!!


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