# having sex when you are mad



## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

OK so prior to my husband coping with his porn/masturbation addiction whenever we would argue there was pretty much no chance of sex if either of us was ticked off sometimes for a day or 2 depending on the argument (not saying neither one of us didnt want to have sex but it was that "well I'm mad so you ain't getting any" attitude we were both guilty of this behavior) it was like fake punishment cause we would also be punishing ourselves at the same time.

But now with him going through giving up porn and masturbating I feel like I should still try to have sex. I feel like if i don't and he is mad he might fall back into his addiction to relieve stress and his progress will be lost and have to start over again. I want to help him get through this as much I can. Not saying i could have sex 4-5 times a day but maybe sex and a bj or 2, whatever he needs to satisfy his needs I'm OK with. I enjoy having sex with him. 

So my main issue is making myself try even when I'm mad, any tips?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Have you talked to him to see what would help him through the recovery?


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## lht285 (Aug 25, 2011)

Having been married for almost 20 years and having had "relations" with my wife for 24 years, things for us have gotten out of sync. My mother suggested what some of her friends did after a suggestion from a sex therapist. For them it was to spend a month doing all the foreplay kind of things without actually allowing themselves to get to the main act. It was a way to build up intimacy without the actual act itself being important. Finally by the end of the month they were so ready for completion that the sex was awesome and got them back in sync. 

You need to spend some time connecting without it just being about the sex. He needs to know that you value him sexually, and you need to reestablish your own intimate feelings for him. 

Have fun touching each other, a lot. Work your way back into the joy of time together.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Have you talked to him to see what would help him through the recovery?


I try but it is a very touchy subject which if he or myself misunderstands something said it can lead to an argument and thus no sex. I have told him when he first decided to work on his addiction that I would help him in anyway he needed. And whenever he got the urge he did come tell me and we would have sexual intercourse of some kind. But again if we fight I knownhe won't bother telling me he wants sex or even try. And i tend to be the same way.


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## aston (Oct 24, 2011)

Here's the truth....masturbation is something that will never go away. It's a part of our existence and the sooner you accept that the much better your relationship will be.
Alot of people perticularly women were told masturbation is a bad thing but remember these are the age old rules and taboos that really have no basis beyond the fact that a few old man gathered together in earlier times to set rules that will keep them in control.
Advice: Join your man, explore together and make it a journey you both embark on. Trying to get him to quit masturbation or watching porn is like someont trying to get you to quit having cholocaltes or sweet things. Figuratively speaking that is.
Anyone who says they've "quit watching porn and quit masturbating" is telling a bold faced lie. It's a core part of our existence and not going away anytime soon.
Explore with your man, don't alienate him. Otherwise he's just gonna find ways to hide it from you even more...which makes his so called "addiction" even worse. The only circumstances under which this would be a problem are thus;
1. if it gets in the way of his job - i.e. taking time off to do it
2. if it gets in the way of you and him interms of him prefering to do it instead of you. I'm sure if you did it together it would be more fun. Then you won't feel so alone.
3. If it becomes his entire existence i.e. locking himself up for days to do it...

Otherwise...go to your local adult store and SHOP....surprise your man and embark on the journey TOGETHER.


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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

Perhaps even if you're briefly on the outs, touch him and say "You know, just because we don't agree on every thing doesn't mean I don't love you. And just because we don't agree on everything doesn't mean I don't want to ___ you." (or please you, or whatever word might work given your typically word choices).

Just convey that you're available and receptive. And good for you being so supportive.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

lht285 said:


> Having been married for almost 20 years and having had "relations" with my wife for 24 years, things for us have gotten out of sync. My mother suggested what some of her friends did after a suggestion from a sex therapist. For them it was to spend a month doing all the foreplay kind of things without actually allowing themselves to get to the main act. It was a way to build up intimacy without the actual act itself being important. Finally by the end of the month they were so ready for completion that the sex was awesome and got them back in sync.
> 
> You need to spend some time connecting without it just being about the sex. He needs to know that you value him sexually, and you need to reestablish your own intimate feelings for him.
> 
> Have fun touching each other, a lot. Work your way back into the joy of time together.


Oh i love the touching. I do alot of the touching, him maybe not so much these last few years. He became more of a straight to the act kinda guy and I told him I miss the touching phase so he has been trying to work on that.


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

aston said:


> Here's the truth....masturbation is something that will never go away. It's a part of our existence and the sooner you accept that the much better your relationship will be.
> Alot of people perticularly women were told masturbation is a bad thing but remember these are the age old rules and taboos that really have no basis beyond the fact that a few old man gathered together in earlier times to set rules that will keep them in control.
> Advice: Join your man, explore together and make it a journey you both embark on. Trying to get him to quit masturbation or watching porn is like someont trying to get you to quit having cholocaltes or sweet things. Figuratively speaking that is.
> Anyone who says they've "quit watching porn and quit masturbating" is telling a bold faced lie. It's a core part of our existence and not going away anytime soon.
> ...


I didn't have any problems with porn until it replaced the intimacy and frequency of sex in our marriage.
I never asked him to stop all together that was his decision not mine. I told him I just wanted us to be closer and maybe do it more than he did himself. At that point we would have sex maybe once a week whereas he was masturbating 4+x a day. I told him he didn't have to stop masturbating as i know that is unreasonable but he told me he would go as long as he could cause to him it was a slippery slope and he was afraid of falling back into it.

And seeing how he was during this time of constant porn and masturbating I cannot condone watching porn with him. If he wants to stop I will support him in that decision and do everything I can to help him through it. And not have him fall
back into it.


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