# Divorce is not the answer!



## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

Therefore what God has joined together, let man not seperate. (matthew 19:9-11)

Did everyone forget about this in the bible? Have anyone read the bible over the last 20 years? Divorce is not a option and ALL PROBLEMS can be solve! Let me say it again, ALL PROBLEMS can b e solve! Divorce is the easy way out! There will be pain, heartache, and internal bleeding but we cannot throw in the towel. Yes, I am new to the forum but I'm not new to releationships and how they work. It kills me that the divorce rate in America is something like 76%! Don't just give up when times are rough. Just remember why you got married in the first place! It was because two people loved each other will all their mind, heart and soul.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I read the Bible as well sir. I am familiar with Malachi 2:16, and I share God's hatred for divorce, but "not all problems can be solved", as you so passionately state. You can thank me later for the gratuitous "d" I gave you. 

Do you think I have not cried out to God? Do you think I have not prayed? Do you think I really expect all of my problems to magically go away with a sheet of paper? Please, you discredit the God you represent with your simplistic answers. What I want is peace. What I want is an end to emotional suffering. What I want is a faithful spouse. I have honored the convenant of my marriage. My wife has not. I am still married, and I am still struggling, as are most of the people on this form. Do them some good and share with them God's wisdom, not your judgement. LIL


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

how about abuse? is that a solvable problem - considering both people have to be involved to solve the problem? Are you going to tell the one getting the crap beat out of them everyday that this is God's plan for them and if they just remain faithful then it will all work out? Back in the day it was perfectly acceptable (and legal) to beat your wife. She was you chattel, your property. Do you still think that this applies as well. If so, how do we know which items we still need to follow and which are 'outdated'?

If so - your view of God and my view of God are completely different.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

TNgirl232 said:


> how about abuse? is that a solvable problem - considering both people have to be involved to solve the problem? Are you going to tell the one getting the crap beat out of them everyday that this is God's plan for them and if they just remain faithful then it will all work out? Back in the day it was perfectly acceptable (and legal) to beat your wife. She was you chattel, your property. Do you still think that this applies as well. If so, how do we know which items we still need to follow and which are 'outdated'?
> 
> If so - your view of God and my view of God are completely different.


adultery and abuse have both been recognized as grounds for divorce by biblical scholars. BUT if the damage by either can be overcome, why divorce?


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

If both people are involved in solving it - then I see no issue - that's why I said it takes "both" to want to solve it. It just seems rare in abuse cases that the other person is willing to give up their controlling nature in order to do so. The original poster was saying their is absolutely no reason for divorce. I beg to differ in specific cases.


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## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

lastinline said:


> I read the Bible as well sir. I am familiar with Malachi 2:16, and I share God's hatred for divorce, but "not all problems can be solved", as you so passionately state. You can thank me later for the gratuitous "d" I gave you.
> 
> Do you think I have not cried out to God? Do you think I have not prayed? Do you think I really expect all of my problems to magically go away with a sheet of paper? Please, you discredit the God you represent with your simplistic answers. What I want is peace. What I want is an end to emotional suffering. What I want is a faithful spouse. I have honored the convenant of my marriage. My wife has not. I am still married, and I am still struggling, as our most of the people on this form. Do them some good and share with them God's wisdom, not your judgement. LIL


First, do not come at me flaming about some outreach emotions. Second, just because you were the faithful spouse doesn't mean anything. You have to be better than that. It's your duty, to help your spouse to get were she needs to be. Okay, your spouse was unfaithful, I'm truly sorry for that. It take too to tango! I guarantee that she did not wake up one day and say, I want to have sex with someone else. What did you not do? Did you not love her enough, so her your true feelings? Did you not tell her she beatiful? It's a two sided it party! Do you believe someone will jump out of a car on by themself? No, someone had to push them out. The same way you could have push, your spouse away. I'm not her to judge you or the other person. Why do be say that anyways? It's just plain retarded! I never say that if you get a divorce, you are going to hell. Did I? No I did not! I said that ALL PROBLEMS can be worked out, if you put the efforts. It's the husband job to show the effort. 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any blemish, but holy and blameless. 

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church — for we are members of His body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (Ephesians 5:25-33)


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## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

TNgirl232 said:


> how about abuse? is that a solvable problem - considering both people have to be involved to solve the problem? Are you going to tell the one getting the crap beat out of them everyday that this is God's plan for them and if they just remain faithful then it will all work out? Back in the day it was perfectly acceptable (and legal) to beat your wife. She was you chattel, your property. Do you still think that this applies as well. If so, how do we know which items we still need to follow and which are 'outdated'?
> 
> If so - your view of God and my view of God are completely different.


Oh my, that problems can be solved too. Go and get him and tell him that you love him so much and will never leave. Put him in a clinic. I see this over and over that lady will stick by her man and he will change. There are a FEW times the husband will never change cause he has some kind of illness but there are pills for that now. Last thing, the Bible is never outdated. In the 10 commandments, it say we shall not kill and we shall not lie. Is there a difference? In God's eyes's no! But us human, yes because we will take about the part the Bible and follow whatever we want too.


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## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

voivod said:


> adultery and abuse have both been recognized as grounds for divorce by biblical scholars. BUT if the damage by either can be overcome, why divorce?


You are correct! It can be overcome! I see a lot of people give up so easy with any fight. We American were made to be quitters!


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## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

TNgirl232 said:


> If both people are involved in solving it - then I see no issue - that's why I said it takes "both" to want to solve it. It just seems rare in abuse cases that the other person is willing to give up their controlling nature in order to do so. The original poster was saying their is absolutely no reason for divorce. I beg to differ in specific cases.


I said ALL problems can be SOLVED! If all problems can be solved there no reason for divorce.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I have a hard time taking you seriously sir. You sound like the alligators in the "Pearls Before Swine" cartoon. "shut yo mouf". Hey thanks quack, I'm glad to know my wife's infidelity is all my fault. Also, I'm retarded? Please, I visited your home page...the degree you profess to have is called a doctorate degree, not a "doctorine degree". Who knows in retrospect, maybe that's what they are giving out on line these days. I guess I could be wrong. LIL (an actual doctor)


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## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

lastinline said:


> I have a hard time taking you seriously sir. You sound like the alligators in the "Pearls Before Swine" cartoon. "shut yo mouf". Hey thanks quack, I'm glad to know my wife's infidelity is all my fault. Also, I'm retarded? Please, I visited your home page...the degree you profess to have is called a doctorate degree, not a "doctorine degree". Who knows in retrospect, maybe that's what they are giving out on line these days. I guess I could be wrong. LIL (an actual doctor)


You can take me seriously or not, I really do not care. You can make fun of me, still do not bother me. You are on this forum, getting a divorce because you cannot solve your problems, with your wife. I'm not getting a divorce. I have 23 cases this year and none of them, got a divorce. Just make fun of me all you want too, if that make you feel better. Obviously, your cheating wife didn't make you feel better, did she?

I am here to give advice, on keeping people from getting a divorce. I do not care what color, religion or sex. The divorce rate is way too high in America and I want to keep it down. Take my advice or not but it's seem like you are the problem. Acting like a little kid, talking about cartoon! Grow up and save your marriage.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

*It take too to tango! I guarantee that she did not wake up one day and say, I want to have sex with someone else. What did you not do? Did you not love her enough, so her your true feelings? Did you not tell her she beatiful? It's a two sided it party! Do you believe someone will jump out of a car on by themself? No, someone had to push them out. The same way you could have push, your spouse away.*

Did God cause Adam and Eve to sin by giving them free will, oh great and wise alligator man? Of course not. We are each responsible and accountable for our actions. God says:

Ezekiel 18:20 The soul who sins is the one who will die. The son will not share the guilt of the father, nor will the father share the guilt of the son. The righteousness of the righteous man will be credited to him, and the wickedness of the wicked will be charged against him.

However, you are of the opinion that somehow I "pushed my wife from the car". That if I'd only told her she was pretty a couple more times this whole thing could have been prevented. Dang, and I was so close alligator man (AM). If only I'd loved her more. Gosh, I should have thought of that. I have spent my whole adult life in loving service to this woman, AM. The problem I have with your posts is that you say so much and yet so little. It takes more than misspelled platitudes to fix a marriage AM. 

My wife made a mistake. It was her choice. There were other problems in our marriage, but none of them like this. None of them fatal to our union. I need to forgive her and I can't unless she repents. She hasn't.

To be honest AM, this whole thing is so friggin convoluted and complicated I can't even understand it better than that, and I'm living it. The one thing I am definitely guilty of though is, I have been too busy for too long, and I've done a poor job of blending my professional and private life. LIL


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## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

There are two side to every problems. First, you need to find out why your wife is not repenting for her adultery. Second, you need to look at yourself and make sure you are living up to be the best husband you can be. Maybe you were too busy at your profession so she looked else where. Do that give her a right too? NO! But with women, you have to give them all the attention in the world. I would like to talk more about this.... You can PM the AM anytime, you want. ha ha ha If not, take care and always remember that your marriage can be save. It will take a lot of work to do it!


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

I really wanted to chime in on this, but had to erase what I wrote. So I offer this instead: In short I believe in pretty much the opposite of everything you are saying here.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Alligator man, not to compare my situation to Tiger's, but I think it's a fair illustration of the point I want to make. It's my opinion that sometimes a spouse just "screws up a good thing", because they perceive that something is missing in a marriage or their life. In many cases there indeed may be "something missing", but often it's missing in the person that steps outside the union. What didn't Tiger have in this life? What does he have now? What did he loose that he can never buy back? I honestly feel terrible for him and the family he's destroyed. No "schadenfreude" here. 

In my wife's case she has said she is envious of my position. She doesn't want to do what I do. She just would like the authority to have people actually do what you tell them to do when you tell them to do it. In her mind, that's basically what my job is. That's what appeals to her as a stay at home mom. She would like a staff that would handle her side duties like paper work, or even trite things like coffee. Unfortunately, there are some "catches" that go along with these perks. Those she doesn't want.

The world is give and take my friends. The trick is to try to give more than you take. That's what makes you a decent person. That's all I have to say about that AM. LIL


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Yes the Bible has answers to ALL of our problems.

The problem is us.

We all play a part in the demise of our marriage.

Most wouldn't argue that point.

Add free will and bam! Divorce.

I believe your post have gotten off of the wrong foot as they come across strong and judgemental. 

76% is not the divorce rate in the US. I'm not sure what statistic you are using.


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Going by numbers on the CDC site - last year it was a little less than 50% - FASTSTATS - Marriage and Divorce

According to divorcerate.org - The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage: 
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> Yes the Bible has answers to ALL of our problems.
> 
> The problem is us.
> 
> ...


Very well said CW.


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## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> Yes the Bible has answers to ALL of our problems.
> 
> The problem is us.
> 
> ...



You right the problem is with you so just fix your problem. It's really not that easy but you are commit in a marriage to the end. My post are suppose to be strong, that's the way I work my clinic. Most of you guys, come one here and want to hear what you want to hear.

You want to her that she is wrong or he is wrong for cheating. You guys have to first look at yourself and then help your partner. Just like the saying said, " be there through thick and thin". If you guys get remarried, put," I will be there through thin but when times get hard, I'm out"!


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## MentalInstructor (Dec 1, 2009)

TNgirl232 said:


> Going by numbers on the CDC site - last year it was a little less than 50% - FASTSTATS - Marriage and Divorce
> 
> According to divorcerate.org - The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage:
> 50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”


Whatever the rate is, it still high. One out of two couple get divorce! Still hight too me, no matter how you look at it.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I’ll chime in because I find this interesting. I think it may be easier to salvage a very religious couple than those who aren’t. You’ve got the fear of sin, heaven and hell to work with and people who truely believe in those things. Isn’t adultery one of the basis sins (one of the ten commandments) in Christianity, so a devout religious person would already be struggling internally for turning their back on God’s word? (They cheated not only on their spouse, but on God’s as well...) 

My thoughts are: You can repent and make yourself whole again in God’s eyes for your sin, so it’s easier to take that next step and repair your marriage with your spouse. The Bible doesn’t argue back or continue to make things worse. It’s easier to come to terms with a scripture, and once you are going down the road of asking for forgiveness, it’s easier to continue along that path and ask it from others as well.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Racer said:


> I’ll chime in because I find this interesting. I think it may be easier to salvage a very religious couple than those who aren’t. .



We had an interesting thread on this line of thought this summer. Here is the link.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...on/5476-does-help-have-god-your-marriage.html


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

You can't control anybody else but the power of forgiveness is in you. For me unfortunately I can not accept an affair.. That would end it for me. Mistakes are one thing but to have an affair you have to make MANY mistakes leading up to it.. 

So I believe that you should work on your mariage at almost any cost but if Physical Abuse and Adultry are present I am out of here..


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## JMAN777 (Dec 4, 2009)

Agreed with the last poster. There are some things out there that people should not tolerate (one being abuse). Period.


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## desperatelyseeking (Dec 8, 2009)

And abuse is not just physical. Abuse is also emotional, psychological, verbal, sexual, and even spiritual. None of which shall be tolerated. We need to remember that God is more concerned with the people in a marriage than he is with the marriage itself as an institution.

God does not value the "institution" of marriage ABOVE the people within that marriage, any more than He would value a Church above it's members. God is about people. About our hearts and our souls.

God did not create us to be abused in any way shape or form. What is done to us, or what we do to others, might as well have been done to God himself.


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## Malibu17 (Nov 30, 2007)

I've read this thread with alot of intrigue. I agree that Divorce is NOT the answer, if both are willing to work on the relationship...not just the husband OR wife. Also, the issues that have destroyed the relationship MUST be resolved and forgiveness given and accepted by both. If these factors aren't followed the relationship won't work. 

Many of you that have been on here for the last 1-2 years know my story. We had been through ALOT of counseling before the separation and even after the divorce was filed...with our pastor...but to no avail. What's done is done and the damage can't be reversed. All I can do (speaking for myself), is ensure I don't carry the same issues, that contributed to destroying our marriage into the next relationship and her also.

I would give anything to have a successful reconciliation with my wife (and told her so), but she's definitely finished and wants the divorce. I do too, at this point. However, we are active in our teen kids lives and working on being amicable.

Unless you walk in someone elses shoes, you have NO idea the abuse or other issues they may be enduring...behind closed doors.

BTW. My wife and I are both Christians and even attend the same church at times.


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## searching4marbles (Dec 22, 2009)

Considering that your source of such absolutist wisdom is a 2000year old myth, I'd say this thread is bunk.


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