# Women does your significant other keep track when you have sex together?



## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

I came across a piece of paper that my fiance has and he has written down the days we have sex, where we did it, how many orgasms I have and what porn tapes we may have watched. He is a financial type of guy and keeps track of "everything" in this manner...but it appears it spills over into his personal life as well.

I did some searches online and there are applications out there where you can keep track of your sex life in a calendar form and even the positions that you use. Mainly, so that your sex life does not go in the dumps.

But, he is doing this covertly and never discussed it with me. I thought something may be up when he kept asking how many orgasms I had. Believe me, those numbers I told him are skewed.

I don't know if this paper is an ego gratification boost for him. I am suspecting that it is. That is shows he is able to have sex. He is middle aged. Should I just let it be and not say anything. 

Would you like your sex life being documented without you knowing. 

What would you do in this case?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think it's bizarre to not discuss it with your partner.Seems kinda stalkerish to me but then again,I'm not a man so maybe the fellas here can weigh in on this topic.
I'd probably have to take a time out before discussing it with my SO because I'd be so angry he was doing something so shady.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

It sounds like something a weirdo would do. But I don't see any reason to be bothered by it otherwise.


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## d4life (Nov 28, 2012)

Thats weird, and it would be a total turn off to me to know that he was doing that.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

One of the many issues my wife and I had was lack of sexual intimacy and the perception of the magnitude of the problem.

I asked my wife how long it had been since we had sex and she said it had been one week. It had actually been three weeks.

My therapist suggested that I keep track since she (the therapist) couldn't verify our sexual activity but if I kept a log it would help at least verify the magnitude of the problem.

Keeping track of positions? I don't know. It could be that while your frequency is OK, the quality/variability isn't. For example, you may feel that oral sex on him counts a "sex". He may feel that penis-in-vagina is the minimum requirement for "sex". tracking HOW you had sex could just be verification of how variable sex between you two are.

As a side note, once being able to show my wife that her perception of the frequency was wrong, I stopped tracking it. It doesn't matter whether we have sex once per week or five times per week... it is how I feel my sexual needs are being taken care of that is what I discuss with my wife.


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

That is definitely odd, I would guess by your post that you guys are having some struggles in regards to your sex life? Is he often more interested in sex than you are, or reversed, you more interested then he? 

Also, your communication seems to be problematic. He asks you how many orgasms you have, and you exaggerate it to him? You said "the numbers I told him are skewed"

If I'm right, you guys have some work to do together. If not, then yea..... He's creepy....


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

No he doesn't (on paper)....perhaps he does in his head. :scratchhead:


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## IrishGirlVA (Aug 27, 2012)

My SO mentally keeps track of when we DON'T do it..... not when we DO do it. LOL I think your SO writing down all the where, what and how's is a bit, ummm, odd. Is he using the data to chart a graph?


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

I have had similar issues in my marriage with sexual perception. My wife keeps sex at the very back of her mind, and it very rarely moves up to the front. Sex is on my mind at all times, I want it multiple times a day and not only do I want it, I want good sex and not "bend over and fall asleep while I rail you sex". 

My wife is under the impression that we have sex all the time, when in reality it's once a week if that. My idea of sex all the time is like 5 times a day, lol. So I have actually done something similar and tracked it. This would allow me to see when she was initiating, if she had an orgasm, what position the orgasm occured in. It would help me make sex more fun for her, and put into perspective that my needs were not being met.

Do not get me wrong, I do not expect sex 5 times a day. I do not even expect it daily. But with my sex drive being able to do it multiple times a day and hers where she could go once a month and be ok, tracking it helped us meet in the middle and find a good sexual balance. Well I guess as good as it is going to get in this marriage for me.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

I think it's a little wierd, but what does it hurt for him to be anal about keeping track of that? It sounds like his professional record-keeping spills over into the bedroom a little, but what harm does it do? Maybe he's planning to write a book 

I keep a mental record of when my wife and I last had sex, but I don't keep a journal. Different strokes ....


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

The only one who ever kept a written record of when we had sex was my wife, saying that she also recorded her temperature twice a day and would ring me with instructions to "get home to bed ASAP" this was whilst she was trying to get pregnant.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I would be fascinated to be honest. Of course I would the approach my man and ask him why he was keeping track, if he felt insecure, if there was an issue, if he was trying to secretly improve things, if he were trying to boost his ego... And so on and so on... Thats just me though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

He's a man, logical and goal oriented.

He's trying to track what turns you on (position, porn) thinking the the number of orgasms = the goal.

Sex is very important to you man... That's what you need to know.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Lol even trying to get pregnant my wife thought she was having sex way more than she was.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Well, there are two reasons which leap to mind regarding why a man would keep track of sex: because he wants to KNOW how often it is happening (mostly when a woman is denying him) or he thinks that his wife might be cheating (again...either lots of sex from guilt or lack of sex)

But some guys are anal retentive.

There was this nobleman some time in the 16th century or so. He lived on a scale. Every thing he ate or drank, he weighed. Every thing he excreted he weighed...and he kept journals of this information.

While it may seem a bit weird, it's his quirk. As far as not sharing it with you, why? If he's looking for information, he certainly DOESN'T want you to know (not impunging anything. Just stating a fact)

If he is using is as a syllybus to jazz us his sex life (Ha! Reason THREE mentioned by another poster first) he would probably be too embarrassed to mention it.

And of course, if he's anal like that, he would hide it simply to avoid the reaction that *you are now having*, thinking he's a weird stalkerish creep. He's wired to keep track of that stuff...and you are NOT understanding.

Well, you found out and his fears were justified.

How about having a conversation with him now instead of the internet?


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## OrionGordon (Feb 4, 2013)

I had thought about it in the past, when she would say I was exaggerating how long it had been since we last had sex. lol


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## KLT (Mar 10, 2011)

Thanks everyone. I am with Hicks on this and feel it is a guy thing. I never deny him sex and he has told me that himself unlike his ex-wife. As far as the orgasm count I want him to feel good about himself. I will let it be considering this is how he approaches everything else in life. Just so he doesn't publish it as a book as Terry CO said...lol. Thanks, again.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I don't think it's weird. My mother taught all of her 5 daughters to keep track of our periods and when we had sex. I have had a small notebook since that I've used since is was 13 when I started. 

I've never told my husband that I do this as it's never come up.

It's a good thing to know, especially for a woman. But I can see why a man would want to keep track of when he had sex. AFter all one fo the first questions asked if she gets prego is when the last time you had sex and when the last period is.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

No not normally but he did when we had a houseful of babies and he was feeling neglected (although he just put a X on the calender when we had sex...of any kind). I'm sure I downplayed how long it had been between romps a few times so hubby kept a record. He's a facts man! 

No need to nowadays... the kids are older and things are back to normal. 

If he's keeping this detail it must be something that is important to him. Talk to him.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

I find it to be very odd and I would find it weird if my husband did this. I kept track of my period on the calendar, but that was for birth control reasons. I wouldn't keep track of when we had sex, as I don't see any reason for it. 

My husband and I don't keep secrets, so I would be upset if he had hidden information.

If it bothers you, talk to him about it.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> I find it to be very odd and I would find it weird if my husband did this. I kept track of my period on the calendar, but that was for birth control reasons. I wouldn't keep track of when we had sex, as I don't see any reason for it.
> 
> My husband and I don't keep secrets, so I would be upset if he had hidden information.
> 
> If it bothers you, talk to him about it.


Two things here. First this reinforces the meme that sex is FAR more important to men than women.

Second...did you know your husband is a devoted 'Dear Abby' reader? If you didn't know that,would it bea 'secret'? Ele doesn't tell her husband about her period piece (sorry...couldn't help myself) but I don't see that as a secret.

Is there a reason this is so important that you would see this as a mini betrayal?


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

JCD said:


> Two things here. First this reinforces the meme that sex is FAR more important to men than women.
> 
> Second...did you know your husband is a devoted 'Dear Abby' reader? If you didn't know that,would it bea 'secret'? Ele doesn't tell her husband about her period piece (sorry...couldn't help myself) but I don't see that as a secret.
> 
> Is there a reason this is so important that you would see this as a mini betrayal?


What someone reads and keeping track of your sex life are two very different things, in my opinion. I know what my husband reads and what websites he frequents, but if I noticed a new page it wouldn't bother me, as it doesn't really pertain to something I am doing. Him keeping track of when we had sex, the positions we used, etc. is creepy to me. I would hope that my husband would feel comfortable enough with me that if there was an issue in our sex life, he would talk to me about it instead of keeping tabs of it all on paper. My husband and I talk about our sex life and are open about everything, so I could never see him doing this(even as a big math/financial type of guy - he loves to follow the economy). There is just no reason for it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

KLT said:


> I don't know if this paper is an ego gratification boost for him. I am suspecting that it is. That is shows he is able to have sex. He is middle aged. Should I just let it be and not say anything.
> 
> Would you like your sex life being documented without you knowing.
> 
> What would you do in this case?


If It was ME, I would just be honest, say you found this...and ask him, be receptive, hopefully he will be honest with you...and not embarrassed. See what is going on.. he might be worried about his performance, if it is declining, or some of the other ideas offered here.  

I did this at one time - kept a "Sex calendar "...Husband knew all about it, I would mark it right in front of him -kept it under the mattress... I WAS worried about HIS recently tested (normal but lower end ) Testosterone levels... It gave *me* "comfort "somehow to see all those days marked that we were having







...and lots of it.. 

I wanted some record of when, his quality of erections , if/when he needed a little viagra......even how long we could keep this up... I kept that thing for a good 2 years. If we managed to do it twice in one day, that was like winning a Superbowl !

I guess my point in all this is....their might be some ODD reasons why some do what they do... but It may mean something to them. As that did for me- during that time .


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## humanbecoming (Mar 14, 2012)

Interesting that I'm the only one that would have an issue with a woman lying about her orgasms? To me, that speaks of a deep seated problem in a relationship, and as a man, I would be very unhappy to find out my partner was not comfortable helping me to please her.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

No you arent the only one and frankly I cant see why people lie about that. I mean... Dont they want amazing sex? Just my thoughts though and Anony7 you may feel like there is no reason for this but maybe her H has a legit reason. Everyone is different and maybe its just one of the guys personality quirks. Thats why I would be fascinated if my man was doing this. Then again im curious about alot and love to figure out and understand things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

If his purpose is to control/improve/maintain a good sex life, then lying about the O's is skewing his facts. Doesn't make sense to lie about that anyway. 

He'd probably rather try different things to make you NOT lie....than to know that you lied.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Personally I think you should say honey that seems a little creepy so stop it . It has to put a damper on your drive when you wonder how many details he's attempting to catalog.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

I'd have done it in the past, but now, being single, if it's not up to snuff and there's not an underlying medical reason, I'll just move on.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Zombie thread. Closing.


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