# Faith, Hope & Trust



## cam2468 (Feb 3, 2009)

It was a little over three and a half years ago that my wife and I met on a web site and began to formulate our relationship. After a month she wanted to meet me and so I flew from another country to meet her. We hit it off and I stayed for one month. I returned back home for three months and then returned to visit her for one month and to meet her 12 year old boy. I had proposed to her when we first met and she agreed to marry and we then spent a year working on our relationship and future marriage.
She flew to my country and we were married in June 2006 and in October the same year I came to live in New York. I cooked and cleaned I worked, contributed financially and did what I could to support and care for my new family. Last year the marriage began to have some major problems and in the last quarter they became worse. On December 31st 2008, I had to leave the family home as I did not want her to do something that would harm me. 
Three times during these last three months she asked me to leave and once said she was going to send me home. I tried to negotiate with her, tried her to get counselling for all three of us and asked her to consider mediation.
So I had no transport as both cars belong to her and I had to surrender the car that I was driving and resign from my job. I applied to the Family Court and had my case heard on the 27th January 2009 where I was awarded spousal support. That same day her legal counsel applied to The New York Supreme Court for divorce. There are many things wrong with her actions and the road that she now takes is not a prudent one. I feel sorry for her and do not feel angry or bitter as these are negative emotions.
I have had to apply to Social Services for assistance and feel very sad about what has and is happening to my marriage and my life. I still have faith and hope and trust that there is a bigger picture and that life is good and indeed a learning experience. One day in the future I will be able to put this experience behind me and move forward with my life. I believe her actions and words are based on anger, bitterness and revenge. I also feel that this type of malice serves no good and that two wrongs do not make it right.
It would be easier for me to act as a victim. It would also be easier to want to fight. I do want to protect myself and to defend myself against the accusations. I wanted to borrow money from my family and to fly out of the US and return to my country but was informed that I needed to settle our relationship and have a formal separation agreement. I still hope that my wife can find some common sense and reasoning and work with a mediator to make this whole matter easier to negotiate.

To sum this all up, I made a mistake in not understanding the implications of the marriage and the new dynamics and I can be accused of being a romantic fool.
Hatred, malice, anger, revenge and anything less than love and compassion serve no common good and that is why I still have faith, hope and trust.
I pray that other men can find some comfort in these words and look at their own situation with a new light.

Sincerely,


Cam.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

well cam, you are caught in a nasty legal battle with a woman who seems to want control of you and make you suffer.

Now, after reading your thing, if she has a job or "money" and you don't and she has control of all assests, I would go get a lawyer, I imine she has drained the bank accounts and moved the money into seperate ones in either another family name or her sons.

See she has been through this before and knows the game, especially in NY.

But I would go talk to a lawyer that specializes in NY divorce law and see if he/she can help you.

Best of luck


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## cam2468 (Feb 3, 2009)

Again, I agree with what you have said in your reply. It is such a shame when people turn to these actions and are working out of anger and bitter feelings. I hope that your situation improves and I appreciate your thoughts.

All the best.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

cam2468 said:


> I believe her actions and words are based on anger, bitterness and revenge. I also feel that this type of malice serves no good and that two wrongs do not make it right.


I'm not sure what got her to the point of feeling this way, but many times anger is a way of showing a deeper hurt and understanding, empathy can help turn that around.


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