# We've been here many times before...



## jau522 (Oct 3, 2012)

My husband want a divorce. 
What I hear when he's angry is that he doesn't love me. That he hasn't in a long time. That he is through 100% with me. That I am ungrateful. That hes sick of me , That my touch irks him. That he is going to see other women.
What I hear when he's calming down a bit is that he's sorry that he just isn't happy . That he never meant to hurt me. And that he is tired and just wants to be alone.
What I hear when we are fine again is that he didn't mean anything , that he said it out of anger. That he loves me and wants us to stop fighting and for us to be good.
What i hear he says to others is that he just wants me to change my anger and be grateful and learn my lesson.
We have been together for 5 married for 2. We have never fought as much or as bad as we have these last two months. We just bought a home. I lost my job. I feel that part of his frustrations are from a lack of money. But i also know i play my role in it too. I don't know what to say. I have wrote him a long letter begging him not to leave me when I need him. As he was once in jail and the only thing he begged me was to not leave him or forget about him and i didn't. I feel like he should remember that I cherished him at a time it was hard to . But i honestly don't know what to say. He is getting tired of my letters...


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## Couleur (Apr 4, 2012)

Why continue to do something that isn't working? If he's getting tired of your letters, stop writing them. Chances are that he knows that you love him and do not want to split up. He doesn't need to hear that again. 

You just bought a house and you've lost your job. Put your energy into finding a new job. I do realize that unemployment rates are high and that it is difficult to find work. But.... try anyways. If you get a job, you will gain some independence and reduce the stress that you and your husband feel financially. 

Work on making yourself more confident, more healthy, more independent. That means exercise, eat well, declutter your house and read.

Your husband may decide to file for divorce or he may not. If he does, you'll be glad you took charge of your life. If he doesn't, you'll still be happier.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

Agreed with the above statement on looking for work and working towards self-fulfillment. 

Your husband is playing mind games. Honestly if I was in your situation I would turn down the thermostat on him. He's acting very immature with all the mixed signals and you should stop responding to it positively. He's learned right now that even when he's at his worst you're going to shower him with love. 

Sometimes we need some cold truth to wake up. From the sounds of it it's a mixture of issues here though. Financial burden, a perception of unmotivation and he's feeling misunderstood which is why he's lashing out. If he felt understood then he wouldn't feel the need to attack you verbally. 

I know this stuff is hard, but from an outside view, grab the reigns. It may appear that he's the one making the calls and in charge, however it sounds like you're the one in control of yourself and emotions. Situations like this can go from bad to worse all too quickly. I'd let him know you are willing to work on the marriage, as well as work towards bettering the financial situation. It's up to him if he wants to work at it too.


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## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

Agreed with the above statement on looking for work and working towards self-fulfillment. 

Your husband is playing mind games. Honestly if I was in your situation I would turn down the thermostat on him. He's acting very immature with all the mixed signals and you should stop responding to it positively. He's learned right now that even when he's at his worst you're going to shower him with love. 

Sometimes we need some cold truth to wake up. From the sounds of it it's a mixture of issues here though. Financial burden, a perception of unmotivation and he's feeling misunderstood which is why he's lashing out. If he felt understood then he wouldn't feel the need to attack you verbally. 

I know this stuff is hard, but from an outside view, grab the reigns. It may appear that he's the one making the calls and in charge, however it sounds like you're the one in control of yourself and emotions. Situations like this can go from bad to worse all too quickly. I'd let him know you are willing to work on the marriage, as well as work towards bettering the financial situation. It's up to him if he wants to work at it too.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

When he threatens divorce you should tell him that you love him, but it's a free country and you can't make him stay with you. That will wake him up, guaranteed! Call his bluff. He is being verbally cruel and abusive to tell you these things. Your touch irks him? I find that very rude and mean.


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