# My wife does all i want except oral



## supr (Dec 12, 2011)

I know this topic as been discussed extensively, but my problem i never had oral sex exp and i heard it is good. I want my DW to try but she says my penis is smelly and it may not be hygenic. 
I just want to know the process like how to clean and give her confidence about hygiene


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Are you circumsized? It's not really rocket science either way... If you approach her fresh out of the shower, after you've carefully washed all your bits, then ask her what the problem really is. Has she ever done that with anyone? How's your sex life other than that?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

:iagree:


PBear said:


> Are you circumsized? It's not really rocket science either way... If you approach her fresh out of the shower, after you've carefully washed all your bits, then ask her what the problem really is. Has she ever done that with anyone? How's your sex life other than that?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::smthumbup:


but don't get your hopes up most likly she just don't want to do it


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Wash all of the nooks and crannies on your junk and buttocks at lest three times and rinse thoroughly between soaping. Do it every day but dont ask your wife until the 3rd day to smell ya. You have to wait because the smell lingers in the skin even when it is clean.

My suggestion - Never approach for sex without bathing so she does not get a wif of body odor. Take a shower together and wash each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Do you give her oral??

She might be more willing if she knows what it feels like for her.

My husband always asked for oral in a very pushy way and it turned me off. Its not that I don't enjoy giving him oral, its just that he was pushy. Also I wish my husband would trim his bush. It does not need to be shaved like women do, but trimmed would be very nice. They also have flavored lubricant that she can use on you if she does not like the taste. Maybe go to an adult store with her and look at all the options as far as lubricants and eratic gels.

Also if I give him oral I WANT TO BE IN CONTROL.....I don't like it when a guy wants to have control of a womans head while she gives oral.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

supr said:


> I know this topic as been discussed extensively, but my problem i never had oral sex exp and i heard it is good. I want my DW to try but she says my penis is smelly and it may not be hygenic.
> I just want to know the process like how to clean and give her confidence about hygiene


-Pull back foreskin completely (if you have any)
-Build a good lather, and clean every inch. Pay special attnetion to the underside of the helmet, as various debris can get stuck there if you still have foreskin. 
-Gently scratch the helmet with your fingernail to remove any skin or dried semen that may stuck on.
-Be very sure not to get any soap into your urethra, unless your into that kind of thing. Personally I think it burns like heck!


Oh, also shave your testicles, shaft, and hair around the base of your penis.


Id also suggest maybe offering your wife to shower with you. That way she can be certain it is completely clean. However, if youve never had oral before, I highly suggest you do it lying on your back and not standing in a slippery death machine (tub).


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

You can't just dive in with this with your wife, even though I know you are dying inside. It has to be in baby steps. Does she like to see you nude, always shower before doing this, and trim for sure. My DH even puts a dab of cologne on his hair. If she enjoys staring at you that's a HUGE step.. then, after a while maybe a month or so... your talking women time here ,when she is staring at your CLEAN body, say something like, "Honey your hands are so beautiful and soooo very soft can you CARESS my testicles?" Yes I said caress and testicles, because saying " woman grab my balls "doesn't cut it. If she DOES that , it's another baby step. See what I mean......slowly she has to fall in love with your penis..it's sounds dumb but true. All the while ALWAYS tell her thank you , only you know what I like, your so sexy honey, how do you know how to do that, I am so lucky to have a woman like you, your my fantasy, It's not being deceptive at all, compliments are like food to a woman. 
:smthumbup:
MOST IMPORTANTLY SAY THESE THINGS OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM!!! 

There is a book called "Sex begins in the Kitchen" by Dr. Kevin Leman, he is a hilarious author who talks about sex in marriage......

Blessings


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## supr (Dec 12, 2011)

thanks annagarret and all others, i am not actually not dying for it but just curious to have it done one time just to have that exp. I will try this step by step also just want to get opinion about hygeine because i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

supr said:


> i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.


 I think you are being completely unreasonable then. If you want her to shove your junk in her mouth, but have no intention of returning the favor, then don't ask for it. Don' whine or complain about something you want when you are unwilling to provide her with the same IMHO.


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

supr said:


> thanks annagarret and all others, i am not actually not dying for it but just curious to have it done one time just to have that exp. I will try this step by step also just want to get opinion about hygeine because i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.


would she shower with you????


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Wash your penis.


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## supr (Dec 12, 2011)

she surely does shower with me, it is some kind of hesitation because of hygiene and could be because my penis is quite black compared to my body and lot of blackness in between legs so she might have some hesitation?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

annagarret said:


> You can't just dive in with this with your wife, even though I know you are dying inside. It has to be in baby steps. Does she like to see you nude, always shower before doing this, and trim for sure. My DH even puts a dab of cologne on his hair. If she enjoys staring at you that's a HUGE step.. then, after a while maybe a month or so... your talking women time here ,when she is staring at your CLEAN body, say something like, "Honey your hands are so beautiful and soooo very soft can you CARESS my testicles?" Yes I said caress and testicles, because saying " woman grab my balls "doesn't cut it. If she DOES that , it's another baby step. See what I mean......slowly she has to fall in love with your penis..it's sounds dumb but true. All the while ALWAYS tell her thank you , only you know what I like, your so sexy honey, how do you know how to do that, I am so lucky to have a woman like you, your my fantasy, It's not being deceptive at all, compliments are like food to a woman.
> :smthumbup:
> MOST IMPORTANTLY SAY THESE THINGS OUTSIDE THE BEDROOM!!!
> 
> ...


^^^^^^ THIS^^^^^^^ I tried expressing my transition from thinking penises were ugly to knowing they are beautiful but I could not say it as well as you have done. . 

Nuf' said. Love the part about women time. ; 0 } 

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I can't figure out why people are in here trying to give the guy advice when he has come out and said he has no intention of doing the same for her, he just wants him a BJ without having to give her any oral. That's crap.


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

supr said:


> i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts


No wonder you don't get any.


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Wash all of the nooks and crannies on your junk and buttocks at lest three times and rinse thoroughly between soaping. Do it every day but dont ask your wife until the 3rd day to smell ya. You have to wait because the smell lingers in the skin even when it is clean.


Holy smokes I had to do less than this for for surgery prep. No one should have to work that hard to get some lovin'.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

supr said:


> thanks annagarret and all others, i am not actually not dying for it but just curious to have it done one time just to have that exp. I will try this step by step also just want to get opinion about hygeine because i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.


what is up with this attitude? you want it but don't want to do back. This just p*ss*s me off no the tenth degree.

your a selfish lover and you don't deserve it!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Ohhhh I did not see that. But lets not be too hasty - the point is not to trade sex acts right? 

. If she enjoys giving him oral provided he is clean then she can decide if she wants to give and not receive. If she is satisfied in other areas and does not feel deprived then there is no problem. Why does he have to give up all hope because he is expressing an honest preference.. Thats the basis of the sugesstions. If he has to force himself to do it then why bother? 

Oral sex is a loving act and in my opinion, accepting oral sex from someone who clearly does not like it is not loving. Sex between two people who love and care about each other is not a bean counting exercise. You'd need to keep a ledger on the night stand and balance the books each week. Isn't Sex an exchange of satisfactions not of sex acts. . 

Supr dont force yourself to give her oral so you can get yours, how is that going to work. The best way to handle this is with complete honesty. it will get you further than doing something to her to get something. Tell her you do not like to give and ask her if there is anything else you can do for her. Then ask her how would she feel about giving you oral sex after you clean up. 

You are being honest and offering to compromise and asking her how she feels about giving to you. Is she satisfied and does she have orgasms?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> Ohhhh I did not see that. But lets not be too hasty - the point is not to trade sex acts right?
> 
> [/i][/size]


Yet people are in here trying to give him advice as how to CONVINCE his wife to give him oral.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Maggot stop whining and take a [email protected] shower and lather up 3 times. : -}}
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Dawn Maybe they did not see that he was reluctant. I still stand by what I said above. The point is not to trick her into giving by pretending he likes giving to her but to be honest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Ohhhh I did not see that. But lets not be too hasty - the point is not to trade sex acts right?
> 
> . If she enjoys giving him oral provided he is clean then she can decide if she wants to give and not receive. If she is satisfied in other areas and does not feel deprived then there is no problem. Why does he have to give up all hope because he is expressing an honest preference.. Thats the basis of the sugesstions. If he has to force himself to do it then why bother?
> 
> ...


LOL why is the point not to trade sex acts?

isn"t that what sex is?:scratchhead:


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> Dawn Maybe they did not see that he was reluctant. I still stand by what I said above. The point is not to trick her into giving by pretending he likes giving to her but to be honest.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would LOVE to hear that conversation. "Honey, I want you to suck me dry, but I find it unsettling to put my mouth on YOUR private areas. Good talk." LMAO. Sorry, wouldn't be happening in this house ROFL.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Chilly how is it trading sex acts!! You do this to me and I'll do that to you. How do you ever lose yourself in the moment if you have to stay alert to mark down each exchange?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

DawnD said:


> I would LOVE to hear that conversation. "Honey, I want you to suck me dry, but I find it unsettling to put my mouth on YOUR private areas. Good talk." LMAO. Sorry, wouldn't be happening in this house ROFL.


It would not work for everyone and your position is valid. You are being honest. My point is that he should not do oral to manipulate her to give to him. He is clearly not doing it as an act of love but as currency to get oral. That is not the type of relationship I want. I care and respect my husband too much to pretend I like something so that he will give me something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Catherine602 said:


> It would not work for everyone and your position is valid. You are being honest. My point is that he should not do oral to manipulate her to give to him. He is clearly not doing it as an act of love but as currency to get oral. That is not the type of relationship I want. I care and respect my husband too much to pretend I like something so that he will give me something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh, I get what you are saying completely. My only confusion is the fact that she has been honest, and doesn't seem to want to perform oral on him. But there are people in here giving him advice on how to get her to do so. Yet he won't do it himself. I get that he shouldn't do it to manipulate her, but should he be trying to convince her since she doesn't want to ? Isn't that her being honest?

Don't get me wrong, I love oral, performing and receiving. But I do not think its in anyone's best interest to advise him to "convince" her to do it knowing that he has no intention of doing it either. He wants her to do something she isn't keen on, but doesn't want to have to bite the bullet himself. Seems odd to me.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

supr said:


> I will try this step by step also just want to get opinion about hygeine because i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.


Duh...


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> ^^^^^^ THIS^^^^^^^ I tried expressing my transition from thinking penises were ugly to knowing they are beautiful but I could not say it as well as you have done. .
> 
> Nuf' said. Love the part about women time. ; 0 }
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


thanks its the truth.......my DH now asks me to come talk......in the...shower....


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

Still haven't figured out if he's circumsized or not, but DH isn't and as long as he washes throughly there isn't an issue with hygiene (always does just in case). I agree though, don't shave but trim things down for sure. I find that shaved is too little boy like and that definitely isn't a turn on! Also, trimming things down makes the penis appear bigger fyi! Something every man wants! 

Oral is very personal way more so than intercourse in my opinion, if you aren't willing to do it back, don't expect a return. Also, I prefer to do it in the shower because the water helps keep things nice and slippery and from what I've gathered the wetter the better in this area!  I enjoy giving hubby oral but love it in return as wellwell!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> what is up with this attitude? you want it but don't want to do back. This just p*ss*s me off no the tenth degree.
> 
> your a selfish lover and you don't deserve it!


ooooooh you right on!!!!:iagree::iagree:


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> what is up with this attitude? you want it but don't want to do back. This just p*ss*s me off no the tenth degree.
> 
> your a selfish lover and you don't deserve it!


Really, this is shocking to you? Have you read his posts? He posted one about Asian massage parlors and getting a "good massage" but what he really wanted info about was would he be getting a happy ending from a Craigslist ad no less. 
Here's a clue: When the person doesn't even bother to spell out an actual sign on name.....he's a short guy living under a low bridge.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Pay special attnetion to the underside of the helmet, as various debris can get stuck there if you still have foreskin.
> -Gently scratch the helmet with your fingernail to remove any skin or dried semen that may stuck on.


Heh helmet, such a funny way to put it lol
Reminds me of this:
Your helmet is so big ... - YouTube


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Really, this is shocking to you? Have you read his posts? He posted one about Asian massage parlors and getting a "good massage" but what he really wanted info about was would he be getting a happy ending from a Craigslist ad no less.
> Here's a clue: When the person doesn't even bother to spell out an actual sign on name.....he's a short guy living under a low bridge.


TRBE You outdid even you with this one and in the process, gave me a fit of uncontrollable laughter. 

:allhail:

Umm this guy has big problems, too much time on his hands. :loser:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Chilly how is it trading sex acts!! You do this to me and I'll do that to you. How do you ever lose yourself in the moment if you have to stay alert to mark down each exchange?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


what, 

oh I just keep a soft erase board by the bed:smthumbup:

and a stop watch so we get equal time.


seriously, how would you feel if you put a bunch of thought into buying your husband a gift and he just bought you the same thing every year.or if every year you go to his parents for the holidays and then when you want to go to your parents he say aw I just feel uncomfortable going over there. 

eventually you would feel resentfull and maybe even putting in less though because he dosn't apreciate it by recrocating.or quit going to his parents. 

the whole world works on the tit for tat prinecable.

so I think its quite normal to feel slighted if your putting effort in for your mate and they don't put forth the same effort weather it be sex related or not. everybody kinda keeps score in their head and when the balance seems out of wack then there is a problem.

take friendship for example when your friends with someone who is overly selfish or dosn't recrocate eventually or distance yourself from them and the friendship fades.

I'm not saying it has to be exactly the same same but through comunacation the exchange you outlined above should take place.

maybe something along the lines of did that feel good I would like to recieve also. and if the partner say I really don't like that or I feel uncomfortable with that then they should offer something else but in most cases where this is a problem that dosn't happen and its very lopsided. thats when resentment builds.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> what,
> 
> oh I just keep a soft erase board by the bed:smthumbup:
> 
> ...


I hadn't thought of the eraser board; you can color code things - bj = azure, intercourse = magenta, anal = vermilion...... You dont mind if I steal your idea do you? 

Wouldn't leave it up to the other person to offer an alternative and I would not quietly suffer. Rather, I would ask for what I want and be careful to chose my attitude words and approach though.

I was very repressed when I first got married. My husband is HD and uninhibited. When I think of it now, it could very well have been a match made in hell but it wasn't. I changed and he guided me. 

I dont remember that he was ever angry with me about my inhibitions, impatient, or demanding. He seemed relaxed, and encouraging and never critical of me. The atmosphere was light and I was seduced and coaxed out of my shell. Having a mutually satisfying sex life is like a project we both work on and support each other as team members. 

Every couple is different but I think there are universal truths - there can be no anger, no show of frustration, no demands, no heavy tense atmosphere. I cannot imagine that I would have opened up if I was exposed to my husbands anger and frustration in the bedroom. He gets angry and frustrated but never shows it in the boudoir. 

The HD person is in charge of shepherding the LD or inexperienced partner. If it sounds like my husband did all of the work, I agree, but I followed. I was a good sheep. :angel3:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> I hadn't thought of the eraser board; you can color code things - bj = azure, intercourse = magenta, anal = vermilion...... You dont mind if I steal your idea do you?
> 
> Wouldn't leave it up to the other person to offer an alternative and I would not quietly suffer. Rather, I would ask for what I want and be careful to chose my attitude words and approach though.
> 
> ...


what do you do if she a renagade sheep. who don't care


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## supr (Dec 12, 2011)

I think many of them are over reacting about what i said. Dont complicate things my friends by twisting english the way want. All i said is i am not desperate and one of the reasons i am not asking my DW to do oral is because i am not prepared yet to return back the favor i usually return more than what i get when ever possible. My wife is good to me and i try to be the same. I dont see anything wrong about asking asian massage experience as i genuinely want to go for it to save money not for happy ending. I am not desperate or egoistist like the person who is finding fault about it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> what do you do if she a renagade sheep. who don't care


Chilly You are a brazil nut, hard to get to the good stuff. How to crack open the shell hmmmmm..... ;-}

PS gently guide her back to you. Chillymorn, sheep herder. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Maggot stop whining and take a [email protected] shower and lather up 3 times. : -}}
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Smell test on the 3rd day? I'm a clean guy but sometimes you want to be loved spontaneously.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Just a not on manscaping....

shaving my shaft and especially balls terrifies me. 

I still do it..but I get scared.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

sinnister said:


> Just a not on manscaping....
> 
> shaving my shaft and especially balls terrifies me.
> 
> I still do it..but I get scared.


Poor man :bunny: (((bunny for you)))
Put your glasses on, take something to steady your nerves and get rid of that strait razor in favor a safety one.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

supr said:


> I think many of them are over reacting about what i said. Dont complicate things my friends by twisting english the way want. All i said is i am not desperate and one of the reasons i am not asking my DW to do oral is because i am not prepared yet to return back the favor i usually return more than what i get when ever possible. My wife is good to me and i try to be the same. I dont see anything wrong about asking asian massage experience as i genuinely want to go for it to save money not for happy ending. I am not desperate or egoistist like the person who is finding fault about it.


The why don't you work on preparing yourself? I know you want oral sex, but can you at least be prepared to give... Follow the leader type thing 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

sinnister said:


> Just a not on manscaping....
> 
> shaving my shaft and especially balls terrifies me.
> 
> I still do it..but I get scared.


OMG ME TOO! Well, not my shaft and balls...but one time I caught my clit with the razor....


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I tend to agree with Catherine on this. However, while this should not be a hard and fast exchange of favors, I do think that if both of you are a little bit uncomfortable with oral activities, exploring them together can be a great way to break through this and do something new together.

Nobody should do something that they truly do not want to do, however, breaking through barriers and trying new things that you are not totally comfortable with can be very exciting. Sex should not be about always staying 100% within your comfort zone.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> The HD person is in charge of shepherding the LD or inexperienced partner. If it sounds like my husband did all of the work, I agree, but I followed. I was a good sheep. :angel3:





chillymorn said:


> what do you do if she a renagade sheep. who don't care


Catherine, I notice that you haven't answered this question. Any suggestions?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

that_girl said:


> OMG ME TOO! Well, not my shaft and balls...but one time I caught my clit with the razor....


Lord have mercy...see what I mean? I'm never shaving again...game over LOL.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

supr said:


> i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.


to me this is selfish to not even be willing to try.
besides, you have no idea you are missing out on one of the best sex acts that you can enjoy as much as the woman.


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## Henry (Nov 20, 2007)

supr said:


> thanks annagarret and all others, i am not actually not dying for it but just curious to have it done one time just to have that exp. I will try this step by step also just want to get opinion about hygeine because i feel if she does this sometime i will have to do something similar for her and i am not comfortable putting my mouth inside her private parts so this is going to be difficult to make this happen.


NOT COMFY, ya gotta be kidding me.Every women I.ve been (3) LOL ,I have licked clean . The lovemaking isn't completewithout suckingall the parts. This should just be a natural thing man. BTW, have you tasted uyourself ? If you are repulsed try a little in a dish with a potatoe chip. Experiment man. C'mon man !


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> Catherine, I notice that you haven't answered this question. Any suggestions?


Sawney, you completely missed the point of the many post that I have made on this subject. You default to - the woman is depriving the man. That assumes that she is withholding something unfairly and it is her fault that he is frustrated and angry.

I don't think there is any other human exchange where the breakdown is blamed on one person except in the sexual relationship between men and women.

The default attitude seems to be that women come into marriage with a predetermined debt because she cuts off the man's access to hot 20 yo chicks. In some societies, the man is compensated with a dowery. 

In enlightened societies the female indebtedness has ostensibly, gone the way of child labor and debtors prisons. Sadly, I think it is still ingrained in the psyche and leaks out in the guise of the imposition of sexual expectations on women. Many men will not date or marry women who chose not perform certain sex acts. 

Add to that the assumption that women accrue debt by accepting the monetary support of her husband for maintaining a household, which includes his children and their caretaker, his wife; his "helping" with household chores in a domicile that he enjoys along with his kids and their caretaker, his wife; etc etc. 

My answer - have a relationship with the person you selected for a mate. Assume that you both made, and are making equal sacrifices and contributions. 

If you start off with those assumptions and attitudes, how can you go wrong? There is no place for anger, ultimatums and threats around sex acts.

Lets say the more enthusiastic partner did not approach his/her reluctant partner with feelings of entitlement for acts but felt the desire to share his/her enthusiasm and passion. 

It would make sense to create a safe accepting environment so the reluctant partner will come out and play. In addition, make sure that when they do come out to play that they get equal chance to enjoy the pleasure of the game. 

It would also make sense for couples to have premarital comprehensive sex education. We don't know swat about male or female sexuality and that is the elephant in the room.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Sawney, you completely missed the point of the many post that I have made on this subject. You default to - the woman is depriving the man. That assumes that she is withholding something unfairly and it is her fault that he is frustrated and angry.
> 
> I don't think there is any other human exchange where the breakdown is blamed on one person except in the sexual relationship between men and women.
> 
> ...


You didn't actually answer my question with this diatribe. Nor do I EVER default to the position of the woman depriving the man.

My question was a very specific one regarding a very specific comment of yours.

You said "I followed. I was a good sheep".

What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> You didn't actually answer my question with this diatribe. Nor do I EVER default to the position of the woman depriving the man.
> 
> My question was a very specific one regarding a very specific comment of yours.
> 
> ...


Are you sure I didn't answer, do you mean that after all of those words you can't find an answer among them? It was such a strait forward question too. :scratchhead:

Well, give me some multiple choice questions and I will try to focus. As you can see, I can go off on tangents that veer badly off topic. 
_____________________________________________________
"If I've left anything out, just ask me specific questions - and - and I'll be glad to answer them one by one." Captain Queeg, Film - The Cain Mutiny, 1954. 

Is Queeg a real last name or did Wonk make it up to fit the character?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You consider this response forceful, bitter, and a verbal attack?? How so? Does it bother you that I said what I said or just the tone of the post? 

Maybe you feel it is a diatribe because I did not give you a concrete answer like "you do this and she will do that; then you do this and she will ...." 

I dont think people work like that. I shared my experiences about being very inhibited and how my husband helped me. 

What I thought would come across was that it was that his attitude that tuned the tide. He made me feel safe, that is all I can tell you. 

I expected to be judged for the person I was and to be pigeon-holed into a category with the added burden of trying to prove my worth (prude, selfish). I expected him to grow weary of me but he didn't. He did not give up on me, he was the first person in my life who did not give up. 

He cared enough to endure my fumbling efforts with little show of frustration. He was the right man for the job. 

You asked with some emphasis "What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?" You could ask it another way - what can I do that would inspire my partner to follow me. The former puts the power in the sheep's hands the latter puts the power in your hands.


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## appcomedd (Jan 4, 2012)

he just wants him a BJ without having to give her any oral. That's crap.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> You asked with some emphasis "What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?" You could ask it another way - what can I do that would inspire my partner to follow me. The former puts the power in the sheep's hands the latter puts the power in your hands.


Awesome, Catherine! :smthumbup:

Our own 'hands' - our thoughts and the implementation of those through our actions - are the only tools we ultimately have.

_“A good leader inspires people to have confidence in the leader, a great leader inspires people to have confidence in themselves." ~ anon._

It sounds like you have a GREAT husband, Catherine.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> You consider this response forceful, bitter, and a verbal attack?? How so? Does it bother you that I said what I said or just the tone of the post?
> 
> Maybe you feel it is a diatribe because I did not give you a concrete answer like "you do this and she will do that; then you do this and she will ...."
> 
> ...


I think he gets what you said but he is saying he tried his best at leading and so forth so whats the next step.

instead if just saying the same thing over and over you could have said I don't know.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> You consider this response forceful, bitter, and a verbal attack?? How so? Does it bother you that I said what I said or just the tone of the post?
> 
> Maybe you feel it is a diatribe because I did not give you a concrete answer like "you do this and she will do that; then you do this and she will ...."


No, I just didn't see what the bit about dowries and material acquisition / mutual debt bought to the table. I asked a simple question and got an essay on the history of marriage in the west.




> I dont think people work like that. I shared my experiences about being very inhibited and how my husband helped me.
> 
> What I thought would come across was that it was that his attitude that tuned the tide. He made me feel safe, that is all I can tell you.
> 
> ...


Good for him. But you cared enough to want to be lead. You DIDN'T say "This is how I am, accept it or get lost". 



> You asked with some emphasis "What is your solution for people whose partners, of either sex, refuse to be led?" You could ask it another way - what can I do that would inspire my partner to follow me. The former puts the power in the sheep's hands the latter puts the power in your hands.


And if the sheep isn't a person willing to be led, but a passive-aggressive sh*t-fit specialist? Someone who sits squarely on the victim side of the drama triangle and refuses to move? Who will NOT give up the power?

God, I'm glad I don't have to put up with this kind of old cobblers in my marriage. The drama, the effort, the entrenched positions. We manage to do what the other wants and get what we want ourselves without it becoming a full-scale psychological case study. 



chillymorn said:


> I think he gets what you said but he is saying he tried his best at leading and so forth so whats the next step.


Like I said, luckily, I don't have to. I cannot comprehend how people who have to go through this level of rigmarole to achieve any sort of sex live maintain their sanity, never mind any sort of motivation.


> instead if just saying the same thing over and over you could have said I don't know.




Ah, but where would be the fun in that?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> No, I just didn't see what the bit about dowries and material acquisition / mutual debt bought to the table. I asked a simple question and got an essay on the history of marriage in the west.


Having a bad day? 

You weren't asking a question you were picking a fight. Next time you want to post a diatribe, do so.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> Having a bad day?
> 
> You weren't asking a question you were picking a fight.


No, I was asking a question. You had volunteered some very useful, specific information from your own experience. I wondered if you had any suggestions as to how someone of either sex could take that information in a general sense (i.e. lead someone who wants to be led) to a situation where one partner does NOT want to be led.


Believe me, if I pick fight, there's no equivocation about whether or not I have.


> Next time you want to post a diatribe, do so.


Thank you for your kind permission


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