# Caught wife in a lie



## HeartSoul (Oct 10, 2013)

Hey guys and gals, first time poster...I'm interested in hearing male and female opinions on this matter.

My wife and I have been together from 2001-2004 as boyfriend girlfriend where we conceived a child together. 
I went to jail in 2004, and because she heard I was sleeping around the months leading up to my arrest, she decided to break our relationship off. She carried on, had a new boyfriend (that she told me about) and lived her life.
I was released in 2005 and took care of our daughter both living separate lives. By the end of 2006, we were flirting heavily and decided to get back together in the beginning of 2007.
By the end of 07 I we were talking marriage so I asked her what her time was like when we were apart, and who did she screw....where I live is extremely small state, so I needed to know b4 we went further.
Well she said one guy was all, she swore, I believed and now we are married.
Throughout the last 6 years tho, I have asked her 3 different times about another individual I had heard about while I was locked up...all 3 times she denied so I said fine.
Well earlier this week I caught her in a "social network" net and ACCUSED her instead of asking, and she confirmed....
Now this hurt me because she lied on three separate occasions. I have been betrayed heavily in the past (by family, not females) so I took this bad.
I'm still conflicted 4 days later as to what I want to do, I don't seem to have a tipped scale...I'm literally 50/50 on whether to stay married or divorce.
Would love to hear opinion or experiences....is she a repetitive liar? Could she have broken our vows and cheated since we married? For the record she swears up and down she hasn't been with anyone since we started flirting, being together, but my mentality is... If u can lie about something small, chances are you've lied about bigger things.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You say she heard you were sleeping around before you went to jail, but you neglected to say whether you WERE sleeping around. Can you clarify that before I offer you any advice?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HeartSoul (Oct 10, 2013)

No i was not cheating before hand. I did sleep around after I was released and already single.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did she say why she lied?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Were there red flags recently?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HeartSoul (Oct 10, 2013)

She said she lied because he meant nothing, and she didn't want to hurt mr, and she didn't want to mess us up, yada yada yada....isn't that what they all say?
No there have been NO red flags recently, but how do I know I didn't miss some?
The reason I am here is because she was was first "girlfriend". Before her I only dealt with cuddy buddies because I had grew up in infidelity. Everyone around me was cheating, and I felt very early on, I couldn't and wouldn't trust a female.
That's why I want to see if I'm over reacting. I assume, once a liar, always....and I can deal with liars in the street, just not in my home. I turned my life around for this girl, I'm 32...I just don't want to live the life of a fool. If I'm gonna get out, I'd rather get out now while I can still be happy (always questioning her now) and have a happy life for our kids....2 girls now.


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## nevergveup (Feb 18, 2013)

Well,does she treat you good now?
Does she respect you?
Is the sex great?
Does she with hold sex from you?
Do you have fun?
Is the relationship healthy?

If it is yes to most of these questions,
I would live in the now as whats
past is over.Move forward if things
are good.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

HeartSoul said:


> ....where I live is extremely small state, so I needed to know b4 we went further.
> 
> Assuming you are talking US I have to comment on this as I find this more than amusing. I am originally from CT. RI is smaller but come on! LOL. Maybe you mean population wise. But this still is quite humorous.
> 
> ...


FWIW, for me, lying about something like this is a dealbreaker. I get to decide. Lying is important to me.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> FWIW, for me, lying about something like this is a dealbreaker. I get to decide. Lying is important to me.


:iagree:Entropy you are not the only one.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

HeartSoul said:


> No i was not cheating before hand. I did sleep around after I was released and already single.


What you just wrote doesn't gel with this:

"I went to jail in 2004, and because she heard I was sleeping around the months leading up to my arrest, she decided to break our relationship off."

Which is it?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

HeartSoul said:


> Would love to hear opinion or experiences....is she a repetitive liar? Could she have broken our vows and cheated since we married? For the record she swears up and down she hasn't been with anyone since we started flirting, being together, but my mentality is... If u can lie about something small, chances are you've lied about bigger things.


It's odd that she told you about one person and not the other.

Is your marriage good otherwise?

Some people tell what they consider little white lies but do not tell big lies. Though, of course, I cannot judge her as I don't know her.

She has not cheated on you. So my suggestion would be that you let her know that there is where you draw the line. If she has anything else she's lied to you about, this is THE time to tell you because after this. If you find out that she's lied about more it's the end.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

She may have omitted this, because she didn't want you to think she was a slvt.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Technically were you BOTH not single?

Yes she stated about one person and not another. Have you actually asked her for a reason in a calm and respectfull manner. She may have it in her head that you would see her in a different light, that you would become consumed about this. 

If you read your post "*By the end of 07 I we were talking marriage so I asked her what her time was like when we were apart, and who did she screw....where I live is extremely small state, so I needed to know b4 we went further*".

This sounds more than just asking. You appear to have rested your decision on who, if anyone your W had sex with was a determining factor on getting married or not.
If you were not together she can tell you about numbers and really that is all but as to who they were. Did you list off all your sexual encounters who they were as well because she lives in a small state?

There seems to be an element of green eyed monster here. The phrasing used gives the impression of interrigation. If youve asked her about "who she screwed" she may just feel uncomfortable with this type of questioning. She may have decided rightly or wrongly to withold information which could well have caused issues. There may well have been one night stands where full sex did not occure and she has eliminated these from discussion for her own reaosn such as "they were behind the building fumblings".

As to if this one ommission is enough to break a marridge well it might appear that there are weakesses in it to start with and these are getting bigger.

Try just being nice and supportive and ask her why she felt it a reason to not tell you before. She might just say she was sorry it happened or didnt want to hurt you.


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