# New Here.....Sunday



## spring66 (Apr 15, 2012)

Hi Everyone,

I just found this site and I am looking forward to reading up on all of the posts on this forum.
I am, of course, considering divorce vs separation with my husband of 18 years.
We also have a 16 yr old daughter, who has been I'd say, badly affected by what has been going on in our house the past year.

In PA..there is no legal separation ( as per my lawyer)

I am thinking about separating for 1 yr and moving into an apt with my daughter. In that time, my hope is for my husband and myself to work on our OWN issues, as well as discussing issues & decisions in Marital Counselling.
My plan is that, if after 1 yr apart.......i'm filing for divorce.

My husband doesnt want to separate or divorce bc of $$$. He is a working alcoholic and he has gotten worse over the past yr. I just cant take it anymore. He's now mean (not physically) when drunk & calls me names & blames the marital problems all on me. I have no one to talk to and stupidly enough, I say things to my daughter, who wants to hear none of it, and she shouldnt have to.

So, here's the thing. He doesnt want to spend money on a mortage and an apartment for me. I am on disability and plan on using my disability and if needed, my daughters acct( since i get SSD, she gets it too) I said that I would continue doing "our" bills and we can just leave our bank accounts as they are. I'm not out to get him.

I dont want to go on, bc then nobody will have the patience to read & respond :awink , but a situation occured this wk which pushed me over and I am actually glad I did.

The one thing that really hurts, is that, I had said to him that we need to be realistic w/ our feelings, and I asked him if he still loved me. He said yes. I said that we needed to BE in love, and when he acted like he wasnt anymore, i felt so sad - even though I love him but am not "in love" with him right now. I do think however, that given some time, there is a poss of reconcilliation.

I need help from all of you and your experiences, info, how you decided which way to go, what you did etc. I need to know how to get started, how to budget, and esp how to learn to live on my own.
btw.....im a just turned 46 yr old RN


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Welcome! Sorry you are having problems though.

From my experience, people who hope to reconcile do not separate. Separation is usually another step in the divorce direction. Have you gone to marriage counseling? You may also find individual counseling beneficial considering your circumstances.

Good luck!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Only 10% of seperations return to marriage. I would say MC first. 

I am sorry you are going through this. One thing that seems to be a repeating set of numbers at this website is women in their late 40's and late teen of maritial years looking to end their marriages. 

There may be good reasons, but keep in mind most people are not happier after Divorce. I am a believer in fighting for the long term marriages.

I wish you well.


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