# Balance Pt. 2



## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

Hey, I've posted this is the Dating Forum as well but I don't know where I'd get the most responses. Well, my friend turned me down because "she'd just end up hurting me" as you all know. Whatever, I'm now trying to work on myself and improve what I've got going on here. I have a great job, my own place and a car sooner than later which is a lot more than I can say than a lot of the guys around my age and I just turned 26 a few days ago. 

Now, I've had two problems that hindered my dating opportunities. The first was that I was too closed off, you can say that "The Ugly Duckling" would some up my childhood a bit. I would get crapped on by the girls in school and they didn't think that I was particularly attractive, this, combined, with my upbringing of not needing any help from anyone caused me to create a shell around myself. I became too independent, guarded, and subconsciencely took a stance of never needing anyone. Now that I've grown and I turn a few heads with my looks but most of the time, I'm not paying attention when a woman gives me the eye because of the past. Those past experiences have made me a stronger person and I wouldn't change any of it for anything but it has posed quite a few problems. My second problem is that, despite being closed off, I'm always available and that's why I think I always become friends with the women I do approach. I'm always available because I was raised to make myself useful, point blank. It seems that women like being my friends because they know that I don't really want anything in return, I'm safe. 

My question is how do I become not so closed off but not too available?


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Hmmm....
I don't understand how you are both "closed off" and "available." :scratchhead:

It sounds like your protective "closed off" shell sends a message of distrust (maybe insecurity?), but when you make friends with a girl, it's a "safe" zone for both of you, so you make yourself available to that friendship? But I still don't know what you mean by available.


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## MisguidedMiscreant (Dec 28, 2010)

credamdóchasgra said:


> Hmmm....
> I don't understand how you are both "closed off" and "available." :scratchhead:
> 
> It sounds like your protective "closed off" shell sends a message of distrust (maybe insecurity?), but when you make friends with a girl, it's a "safe" zone for both of you, so you make yourself available to that friendship? But I still don't know what you mean by available.


I'm a complex cat, baby.

All jokes aside, I'm not insecure, at least I don't think I am. I think it is a trust issue, I will finally admit that and I'm getting over them. I'm learning to accept help but I still try not to be a burden. When I say that I'm alway availabe, I mean if you need me, I'm there. I think the only thing worse than feeling used is feeling useless. I don't want a safe zone with women but I think I tend to be for them because I don't expect anything. You can come cry on my shoulders but I don't expect anything later on like another guy would if that makes sense. I'm trying to find a balance, how to accept people without always being there...if that makes sense. Maybe, what I'm thinking about is being a little more selfish but not in a bad way, you think?


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