# Newly separated - feeling guilty



## rivvergerl (Jul 21, 2014)

I'm newly separated (5 months) and I've filed for divorce from my husband of 3 1/2 years. Tried marriage counseling and in the process caught him texting/talking to other women. That was the last straw so I kicked him out. I took 1 month to spend time alone and with our 3 year old son to decide if this is really what I want and it was. He instantly chose to go out and chase tail. Now, he's realizing that the grass is not greener, he's begging to come back. It's like a switch went off in inside me and I have no desire to be with him and I'm not in love with him anymore. I feel guilty because I'm the one keeping our little family apart but I can't help the way I feel. I met a wonderful new man whom I really like. I know its probably wrong as they say to wait 1-2 years for healing and to have divorce finalized. In my heart, this marriage was over a few years ago so I mentally left then but physically left in March. Question is why do I feel so guilty for moving on and with a new love in my life? I see my soon to be ex husband hurting and wanting us back but I can't change my heart. I feel like a horrible person. Any advise given would be grateful.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you tried individual counseling?

C
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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

My My best advice is to finish one relationship before you start a new one. All new relationships are good, you have little commitment and only see each other's best. Slow down and and make sure all issues are resolved,so they don't tarnish the future.


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## rivvergerl (Jul 21, 2014)

Hi,

Thanks for responding. We have tried individual counseling and it didn't work. We've had marital problems for 2 years now. After we were in the processing of counseling and trying to make it work or at least I was then I caught him texting other women, I was done. My heart feels the damage is already done. :/


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I meant individual counseling for you, so you could understand and deal with your feelings and guilt. 

C
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## rivvergerl (Jul 21, 2014)

C,

I'm sorry. Misunderstood your reply. No, I have not but thinking it would be a good idea and would help me with the guilt I have. Thx!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No worries, and good luck. I'd also advise taking things slow with the new guy, no matter how good and right it feels. 

C
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## rivvergerl (Jul 21, 2014)

Hi C,

Yes. That's one thing I am doing..taking it slow with new guy. We only see each other every other weekend so slow it has to be.


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

rivvergerl said:


> I'm newly separated (5 months) and I've filed for divorce from my husband of 3 1/2 years. Tried marriage counseling and in the process caught him texting/talking to other women. That was the last straw so I kicked him out. I took 1 month to spend time alone and with our 3 year old son to decide if this is really what I want and it was. He instantly chose to go out and chase tail. Now, he's realizing that the grass is not greener, he's begging to come back. It's like a switch went off in inside me and I have no desire to be with him and I'm not in love with him anymore. I feel guilty because I'm the one keeping our little family apart but I can't help the way I feel. I met a wonderful new man whom I really like. I know its probably wrong as they say to wait 1-2 years for healing and to have divorce finalized. In my heart, this marriage was over a few years ago so I mentally left then but physically left in March. Question is why do I feel so guilty for moving on and with a new love in my life? I see my soon to be ex husband hurting and wanting us back but I can't change my heart. I feel like a horrible person. Any advise given would be grateful.


I'm sorry but I don't really understand why you're feeling guilty. It might be your decision to divorce, but isn't it his behavior that's making your decision a no-brainer? I agree with the others that IC might be a good way to go, but from where I'm standing it doesn't seem like you should feel guilty given all that you've gone through.


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