# What should I do?



## wvcountryboy (Jan 3, 2013)

Back story: My wife was going to nursing school which is really hard and I know this not just from her experience but my mothers, sisters, and friends experiences. While in school, she came home late a lot. I thought nothing of it. But my wife did admit to going out to lunch with a guy once. I know that it was most likely just lunch with a class mate. But to me going out without saying anything to me, and with a guy no less, sounds a lot like a date. Now, we are both gamers. We play a lot of MMOs which means we play with a lot of people from different parts of the world and talk with them on a daily basis. She would literally talk with these three guys online every night all night. That didn't bother me too much. But every now and again I would catch her saying things like- "If his checks stop coming, I'll just fine someone else to take care of me." "I'm only with him for the money." "We are just together cause its covenant." This really made me angry and I am one that can't control anger very well. So last night I kinda exploded and told her to leave the guild in the game and not to talk with them again. Now the school thing happen over 2 years ago. The talking has been happening the last part of the last two weeks. These are people who we have been talking with for years at least 3. I felt so stupid after calming down. I feel so ashamed. And I feel like I hurt her so much. This was her friends and the only people she really talked to at all and I destoryed that. But at the same time I feel like I didn't do all that wrong, I felt like she shouldn't be talking to them like that. I am going guess what people will say but I am still going to ask: Did I do wrong? Did I over react? How should I have handled this? And Where do I go from here?


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

wvcountryboy said:


> But every now and again I would catch her saying things like- "If his checks stop coming, I'll just fine someone else to take care of me." "I'm only with him for the money." "We are just together cause its covenant."


*Do you respect yourself?*

Cause she sure doesn't respect you.


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## wvcountryboy (Jan 3, 2013)

She says she was just joking when saying these things but I can't know that for sure cause I only heard her not what they were saying.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

You'll get much better advice here than what I can give, but I'll repeat something that was said to me a while back....

The one who needs the relationship the least controls it.

Chances are you can snap her out of her delusional state of mind, but only if you RESPECT YOURSELF and don't put up with this kind of mistreatment.

Now, soon you'll get some advice that is more useful than mine.

Sorry you are here, this is a sucky place to be.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Going to lunch with another man doesn't sound like a date. It IS a date! Why should you feel stupid and ashamed for reacting to your wife's repeated verbal disrespect of you?


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

That's why I don't play MMO's. Too addictive. 

So, few things to point out:
She is in an emotional affair. Meaning: she loves someone else, and hates you. Hope you read that correctly, because a lot of really beta BS, mostly BH on this site, have trouble realizing that. 
As for her going out on a date. Well, lets think here: she is going out, late at night, with a man, that is not her husband, out somewhere. How much you want to bet they weren't just sharing dinner? 

As for what to do?
Well, no offense, but you sound beta enough to allow this to continue until you are a cuckold. 
You should've killed this when it became an issue at her school! But because you didn't, you have literally created a cheating machine. She knows she'll get away with it, and you'll do nothing to discipline her. 

So, first thing:
Stop playing MMO's. Get a hobby that makes you a better person. Like, going to the gym. And make her stop playing it. By giving her the option of either: living at home without the game, or living out of her car/parents but being allowed to play the game. 
If you still want to play video games, play something less addictive. Like Mass Effect, Halo, Assassins Creed, or pretty much anything that isn't online. 

Second thing, is called a 180. Problem is, with emotional affairs, they tend to either not notice, or not care. And since your wife has probably a few AP online, she'll probably just consider it a holiday away from you. 

And thirdly, and this is the most important one. 
File for DIVORCE. 
This will shock her out of her emotional affair. Hopefully. Or you two divorce, in which case, you move on with your life. 
Or if you are too beta and scared to divorce her, then hope you enjoy your current marital situation. I am sure it will get better for you in the long run...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So, you are apologising because your wife trash talks about you with strangers?


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

wvcountryboy said:


> She says she was just joking when saying these things but I can't know that for sure cause I only heard her not what they were saying.


One of the things that we are, or should be, taught as children is that we don't say anything about another person that we wouldn't say to their face. If she meant it, then she does not love or respect you. If she didn't mean it, then she doesn't love or respect you enough to accurately represent the dynamic of your relationship to someone she's probably never met in the flesh. If she won't even do that in something as meaningless as vent, then do you really think that she'll respect your relationship enough to say no when presented with the opportunity to change an EA to a PA? I doubt it.

I'm sorry you're having problems and I wish you the best of luck.

-JM


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You began by making excuses for her! So what if nursing school is hard?!?! Holy crap.

PLEASE grow a backbone and quit letting her walk all over you.


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## wvcountryboy (Jan 3, 2013)

I will speak to her and let her know its me or the games. Will see where it goes from there. After all these years, it is good to see I wasn't overreacting. I didn't ever think I was but she just kept saying I was overreacting.. Its good to see that everyone is in agreement. Good but sad. Somehow I think she will choose her games.  But I am tried of the lies, lunches, etc. Its a huge relief but a even bigger headache. I hope for the best, but I just don't know. I want to thank all of you.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If she chooses the games that will be GOOD, because that will mean that you won't be going through all this again in a few months. Because she can say whatever she wants - she isn't going to change unless you do something drastic like kick her ass out.

You sound really young. Quit the games yourself and go find someone else who RESPECTS you. Please.

Good luck hun.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

wvcountryboy said:


> Somehow I think she will choose her games.


If this is true then it is much better that you find out sooner rather than later.

Get yourself up to 30 posts and go read my thread.

Then count your blessings.

Good luck.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

wvcountryboy said:


> After all these years, it is good to see I wasn't overreacting. I didn't ever think I was but *she just kept saying I was overreacting*...


That is what she wants you to think. She figures if she tells you often enough, you will start believing it. It is part of the mind game to gain control of the situation and get you to drop it so she can continue her behavior.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

If you don't stop it, it'll consume her life to where nothing but the game matters. Trust me on this, I was a WoW Addict for 4 years. Almost 7 days a week and 4-8 hours per day.

I did a /played on all my toons and in those 4 years I was on that game more than a year in played time. Take in work and time to sleep, that meant almost all my time was in that crack game.

I still play games but it's ALOT more casual now a days and kids&wife take priority.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

wvcountryboy said:


> I will speak to her and let her know its me or the games. Will see where it goes from there. After all these years, it is good to see I wasn't overreacting. I didn't ever think I was but she just kept saying I was overreacting.. Its good to see that everyone is in agreement. Good but sad. Somehow I think she will choose her games.  But I am tried of the lies, lunches, etc. Its a huge relief but a even bigger headache. I hope for the best, but I just don't know. I want to thank all of you.


Dear wvcountyboy,

When you talk to her, be sure you are calm and controlled. Don't raise your voice or speak angrily. Just tell her what you expect (e.g, no more lunches with other guys and no more games -- or whatever you decide).

She will try to argue with you and may get angry. Don't take the bait. Just let her have her say and then repeat what you said as many times a necessary until she stops arguing.

If she refuses or makes any threats, then you must give her a consequence. Based on what's happened so far, I would not advise mentioning divorce. Instead, I would say something like, "then I am going to have to reconsider whether I want to stay married to you, because I deserve better than what you're giving me right now." If she pushes you about this, just say, "you heard me" and walk away.

This is your best shot at getting your wife under control. Don't blow it by getting angry or emotional. You want her to think that you really don't give a d*amn what she does and are only giving her fair warning if she doesn't shape up. Think John Wayne (if you like westerns) or Clark Gable (if you like comedies). The more you can act like either of those guys when you are with your wife, the better behaved she will be.

Good luck.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

SaltInWound said:


> That is what she wants you to think. She figures if she tells you often enough, you will start believing it. It is part of the mind game to gain control of the situation and get you to drop it so she can continue her behavior.


Exactly so. They'll get you to question your sanity by saying crazy things - making you feel ashamed for questioning her being such a back-stabbing traitor.

She's abusing your trust *wvcountryboy*. You would never do abusive things to her so when she puts on an act of being hurt by you it makes you think you've done something wrong. 

Never explain or argue with the pod person she has become. You lay down terms. If the terms are not met, you leave them. For good. If you try to explain or justify they'll argue with you, wear you down, find an angle to exploit for guilt-tripping or shaming you etc. 

So you say "that is my decision". You give them the choice of shaping up, 100%, or good bye. You have to mean it. If you make ultimatums you are not prepared to follow through on then you're a chump. 

It sounds like you are prepared for that. But be expecting her to want watering down, half-measures, going underground, etc. So this message is to help steel you for setting concrete boundaries. There are no chances here. Zero tolerance. Make your demand and stick with it.


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## wvwife (Jan 4, 2013)

I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating. As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband. I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Two separate things.

The lunch thing.... Puh lease. I have gone to lunch at the local food court with co workers many times both male and female. I have zero attraction to them. If its Dutch treat at a huge public place like a food court, Whatever.

The part about disrespecting husband. Giant red flag of the highest order. That is far far beyond a joke.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

wvwife said:


> I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating. As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband. I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


I find it difficult to believe that people can be so naive as to not understand what damage they are doing to their marriages with this kind of selfish behavior and then come to a marital message board to defend their actions.

Have you for one second stopped to think about what you are doing and how it is affecting your husband? I doubt it. In fact, I'm willing to bet you put more thought into your post than your marriage's best interest.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Wvwife,
Mutual respect in a marriage is one of the cornerstones of a sccessful marriage. 

You did the right thing. Just as you would expect your husband to honor you when you feel he has crossed a line.

Please don't let this issue become a wedge between you. You said you did it out of respect. You are to be commended. Wvcountryboy should appreciate your gracious gesture. Don't resent his concern or his request.

When a spouse is belittled to others, even in jest, it forms cracks in the foundation of your marriage. Nor should you accept put-downs, in jest or otherwise.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

In a summary, here's what I see:

WV comes on here and did not behave entirely well but has some very reasonable concerns. His wife comes on here and in an attempt to distract us from her poor choices, she throws out comments indicating that "we" are X or Y if we aren't sophisticated enough to allow her bad behavior. 

I'm sorry, I'm not falling for it and I'm not taking that bait. I know for a fact that any time you mingle with the opposite sex behind your spouse's back, try to keep it from them, exclude them from your life and your lunch....that equates to doing HARM to the marriage, not building and strengthening it. And since 100% of affection and loyalty is due to the spouse...in what conceivable way is it more mature and adult to pick the lunch buddy over your own spouse?

Likewise, I know for a fact that any hobby, interest, game or class can all too easily lead to that slippery slope where the hobby, interest, game or class is "more fun" than the spouse and used as an excuse to flirt or spend time with someone other than your spouse. Since 100% of affection and loyalty is due to the spouse...in what conceivable way is it "a joke" to choose the hobby, interest, game or class over your spouse?

Nope. Sorry not falling for it. This is a MARRIAGE so I'd say either start acting married or start getting single. Being married means that you stood before your family and friends and God and promised to forsake all others...and that you would spend a lifetime meeting your spouse's needs (not "getting your needs met"). Mature people understand that marriage means that you personally commit to honoring your promises AND that commitment comes before "feeling happy" or looking only at yourself and your own needs! 

So WVWife....after you have honored your spouse, and after you have included him in every aspect of your life, and after you are sure to give him 100% of your affection and your loyalty...then come on here and try to lecture us  Until then, sorry but you're not doing your job.


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## kevinocarro (Jan 3, 2013)

You'll get much better advice here than what I can give


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

wvwife said:


> I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating. As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband. I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


Yeah, most wayward spouses aren't that fond of the truth.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

:slap:

Maybe there should be a flashing banner on this site that says don't invite your wayward spouse to view your thread because now she'll be able to counter all of the good advice that you're given - which is why I must bow out gracefully.

[sigh]


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

wvwife said:


> I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating. As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband. I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


How many more affairs have you had?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

wvwife said:


> I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating. As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband. I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


I love watching cheaters sprout verbal diarrhea, trying to rationalize their disgusting antics, it's a fascinating spectacle to behold.

You are not a victim. Not on any level. What you are is a poor excuse for a wife with no boundaries, and clearly zero sense of basic right & wrong if you think going on a date with another man whilst married is OK. Not much of a catch are you....


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

keko said:


> How many more affairs have you had?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This.


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## JMGrey (Dec 19, 2012)

wvwife said:


> I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating. As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband. I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


Narrow-mindedness has nothing to do with it. A coed lunch with a bunch of friends or co-workers is one thing. A lunch between a man and a woman, especially when they have a common bond, such as a place of work or an area of study, is not harmless at all. How many emotional affairs on here have started with the WS saying that they other person just "got them" and "understood what was going on in their lives"? Regardless of what you think, two people sharing a meal is a very intimate and domestic act. How many people, that aren't good friends, do you know that you'd want to have to engage with your complete attention during a meal, without the buffer of others to make things more comfortable? The only person that I ever eat with one-on-one is my brother, and we're so close that we're practically psychic.

My point is that when you take someone with whom you share a bond (common study in this case) sharing a one-on-one meal, emotional bonds are formed. Sometimes they stay platonic, but men and women aren't wired to be strictly platonic with one another. At least one of them, at a given time, is interested in the other and their interest can be more than enough to plant the seed of an affair.

But the others were pretty clear on the point that it's not the lunch, which _is_ risky behavior, but rather the snide remarks that you admit you made. As I told your husband, if you meant them then you don't respect him. If you didn't, then you don't respect him enough that you want others to respect him. People only make such remarks about people they want to tear down emotionally. And the MMO games aren't helping your situation. I've played them in the past, I know the constant immaturity, the torrents of perverse and degrading language that's flung back and forth. That's not healthy for anybody, man or woman. You're an adult and a married woman; it's time to put away childish things and grow into your responsibilities. Take that journey with your husband so that you can learn to respect one another as you should.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

wvwife said:


> I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating. As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, *if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband.* I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


Why would you think that saying such things about your husband was a joke?

What's funny about it? 

Unless of course that's what you really think of him.


And maybe your'e still married to him because of nursing school? Who's paying for that?


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

wvcountryboy: based on what you're telling us and the responses from the person that loosely describes herself as your wife, you should end this marriage now and move on to someone who will love, respect, and care for you. No reasonable person would joke about their spouse the way your spouse "joked" about you. She was intentionally signaling her idependence and availability to other men. In addition, her insistence that she can retain friendships with men is highly disrespectful to you and another indication that she views you as the sap that will provide her food and shelter while she lives the party life in any fashion and with whomever she wishes. You need to run, wvcountryboy, fast and far.

In case you've not yet realized it yet, due to the long hours, emotional strain, and requirement to work in close proximity with the opposite sex for prolonged periods, the medical/health profession has a very high rate of infidelity. With a woman who's proven to have zero boundaries, self-respect, or respect for others, odds are very low for a good outcome between you and this girl.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

Disenchanted said:


> *Do you respect yourself?*
> 
> Cause she sure doesn't respect you.


I heard my wife said this to numerous people before having her affair....listen there are stages to an affair..one is they have to dehumanize you to have their affair..thus to justify their affair. That is what she is doing there. Mine said stuff like ...I am only with him bc he pays half the rent. We are only roommates. the list could go on and on.......what she is really saying is I am open for business.......


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Disenchanted said:


> *Do you respect yourself?*
> 
> Cause she sure doesn't respect you.


I think this answer speaks volumes.

If your wife loves you, she will understand where you're coming from and adjust her thinking.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

If that was a joke then I think your wife is pretty immature and as a result makes immature jokes. 

But I think she's trying to get away with it. She insults your intelligence if she thinks you can buy it. What kind of joke is that? 

She thinks so low of you and jokes about you in such a bad way that you should wonder if she ever loved you in the first place. 
Nobody can make such an ugly joke about someone they claim to love.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

And then in the future, the health care industry is just about the worst for infidelity.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

I don't think there is any thing in OP's post to say his wife has cheated. Going to lunch with someone is hardly cheating. If he had noticed a lot of contact with that person on an ongoing basis maybe but that's so far in the past it really isn't something to dwell on at this point IMO.

The "jokes" are completely out of line and show how little respect you have for your husband. Let's give you the benefit of the doubt here and pretend they were just jokes. The fact that you are using your relationship and your husband as the butt of your horrible jokes to get laughter and attention from other people is just mean. I would never make vicious comments about my SO or even my friends for that matter. Because I care about them and I don't find putting people I love down just for laughs to be acceptable. It really makes people question how much you love or even like your husband.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

OP and Wife,

As you previously noted, you "found out" about her lunch date. You don'r sound like she told you, is that correct? Her late nights would also be a reason for to be a little suspicious. WVwife, what would YOU think if the tables were turned and he did and said what you have?

I also found this to be right on the money:

"But the others were pretty clear on the point that it's not the lunch, which is risky behavior, but rather the snide remarks that you admit you made. As I told your husband, if you meant them then you don't respect him. If you didn't, then you don't respect him enough that you want others to respect him. People only make such remarks about people they want to tear down emotionally"

Take it from someone who has been know to use this type of "humor" to make a passive/aggressive point. The only difference is that I tend to do it to the person's face without others involved.

It's said thet's there's always at least some truth in "kidding" type of remarks


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

wvwife said:


> I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating.


Perfect!  Thanks for shpwing up to demonstrate some classic manipulative tactics. Textbook purity too.

First, beginning with "I'm sorry". This is a form of denial manipulators use: denying the thing they are about to do right before they do it.

Is she sorry that she is calling people narrow minded? Of course not. Can she be asking forgiveness for someone else's narrow mindedness? No. So what is the point of starting with "I'm sorry"? It is a habit of manipulative people that you need to learn to recognize. It comes in many forms like "I don't mean to be rude [followed by rude statement]. It is from their relentless habit of denying what they're up to. 

Who are you going to believe? Me, or your lying eyes? Don't watch what I am doing in front of your face. Listen to me denying it. I'm sorry I am calling you dirty names. 

Calling people narrow-minded is a "shaming" tactic. Shame on you for being narrow minded. It is coupled with the lie by omission: when we leave out the fact it is secretive and who it is with most especially - and replace it with the generic "opposite sex" then this is a lie. She's essentially pretending it was someone else and for some other purpose.




> As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband.


Also classic manipulator defense: I was joking. Many times you will see them saying something really mean to you and then say they are joking because that gets the mean thing said and then makes you the bad guy for not being able to take a joke: blame the victim. See how the husband is a bad guy for not liking the back-stabbing traitorous statements she makes about him to another man behind his back? 

Then the defense about "if I really felt that way I would still be married" - pffft. This is the classic "wounded bunny" play with prospective shags. Put the prospective shag in the White Night role. An 8th grader knows to do this. Rescue me. She's manipulating the prospective shag with one of the oldest tricks in the book. Play to the man's ego. It also doesn't need to be said directly to the man. Just let it be known there's a wounded bunny available to the knight in shining armor. 




> I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game,


Playing the victim, and a strawman at that. Nobody called her a child. Children don't have emotional affairs. Addictions are not matters of child psychology. 



> but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


yes, yes it is urgent to pose one's self as this uber-respectful wife, beyind reproach. No apology for the behavior whatsoever. Attack, attack, attack - and then present an ultimatum you were handed as a story that you_volunteered to do it_. It wasn't that the husband forced her hand: she was sitting there one day and said to herself "hey, I want to show respect to my husband so I am going to quit all this online gaming and the back-stabbing I have been doing..." 

What is entirely absent from this pure manipulative screed is acknowledgement of responsibility for wrong behavior and that is an enormous problem. 

The husband did the right thing with the ultimatum. Manipulators understand consequences. That is the only thing you can do with them. You cannot get them to agree on something. You make them choose between divorce and cake-eating.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Perfect!  Thanks for shpwing up to demonstrate some classic manipulative tactics. Textbook purity too.
> 
> First, beginning with "I'm sorry". This is a form of denial manipulators use: denying the thing they are about to do right before they do it.
> 
> ...


:lol: Bravo


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

wvwife said:


> As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband. I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people.


 Where is the humor in saying to others such comments as "If his checks stop coming, I'll just fine someone else to take care of me"? How is it funny that you told someone that "I'm only with him for the money"? Why would you find joy it saying "We are just together cause its covenant"? Telling others that you have no commitment to your husband and are just using him to pay the bills is not funny, it is hurtful and disrespectful to both your husband and your marriage. If you are making a joke out of your commitment to your husband to your game friends, you are probably doing the same to your school friends and thus lunch does not appear so innocent.



wvwife said:


> It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


 The fact that you are defending your actions, rather than begging for forgiveness, speaks volumes about why he needs to be reconsidering your commitment to this marraige long term. Since by your own words it appears that you are only using him to help you through school, he needs to look out for his own long term happiness since you do not appear to have that as a priority to you. You have no children together, so now is the best time for him to determine if you are good wife material for him or not. Your arrogant response indicates not.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

wvcountryboy said:


> She says she was just joking when saying these things * "If his checks stop coming, I'll just fine someone else to take care of me." "I'm only with him for the money." "We are just together cause its covenant."*but I can't know that for sure cause I only heard her not what they were saying.


Hilarious. 

Who jokes like that? I would be livid! You should put the headset or telephone on and pretend to be talking about her like that...see who she reacts, then let her listen to the headset/telephone so she can see that no one is there. See if she thinks it's funny.

Do not allow her to humiliate you like that. Also, if she talks about you relationship like that, not only does she lack respect for you, she doesn't appreciate you or the relationship.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

tulsy said:


> Hilarious.
> 
> Who jokes like that? I would be livid! You should put the headset or telephone on and pretend to be talking about her like that...see who she reacts, then let her listen to the headset/telephone so she can see that no one is there. See if she thinks it's funny.
> 
> Do not allow her to humiliate you like that. Also, if she talks about you relationship like that, not only does she lack respect for you, she doesn't appreciate you or the relationship.


You make a good point. WVCB, your wife would slap you with divorce papers so fast your head would spin if she overheard you say:

"If she doesn't give me better BJs I'll just have to find someone else "


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't think she is allowing him to come back.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wiserforit said:


> Perfect!  Thanks for shpwing up to demonstrate some classic manipulative tactics. Textbook purity too.
> 
> First, beginning with "I'm sorry". This is a form of denial manipulators use: denying the thing they are about to do right before they do it.
> 
> ...


:iagree:
Yup!


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

wvwife said:


> I'm sorry that people are still so narrow minded that they think that if you go to lunch with someone of the opposite sex that they think of it as a date and cheating. As far as the comments I jokingly made they were exactly that a JOKE, if I really felt that way I wouldn't still be married to my husband. I'm not a child I should be able to choose my friends whether they be in real life or on an online game, but out of respect for my husband I told him I would no longer socialize with these people. It's very disheartening that so many people view me talking to other people no matter what was said as a reason for divorce.


Did you apologize to your husband for hurting him with your "joke?" Why would you want to hurt the person you supposedly love? I also noticed that not once in this post did you actually say you love your husband. Why is that?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

chapparal said:


> I don't think she is allowing him to come back.


Ya think? This reminds me of the guy that drove his wife to the airport to fly off to screw her adultery partner for the first time.....

_*and knew what she was doing*_


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## wvcountryboy (Jan 3, 2013)

Thank everyone. We have talked and worked on things. I think see everyones comments made her open her own eyes. I talked calmly and cool and just state the same sentence basically over and over. I hope things stay good, but who knows other than time.


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