# My wife had an affair



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

Hello everyone,

I would like to start off by apologizing for the wall of text that is about to follow.

After reading over these forums (stumbled upon them while browsing) I decided to register, post and get feedback to my particular situation. I do not have anyone else to talk to and it is really eating me up and is very detrimental.

A little bit of background info: My wife and I have been married for almost 8 years and have lived in a motel for a little over a year because we cannot afford security deposits, utility deposits and the likes. I cannot work due to psychiatric problems (Post traumatic stress disorder, Bi-polar, Agoraphobia, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder and adjustment disorder) so she is the bread winner (she is also bi-polar). I do however cook, clean, take care of the cats etc..basically a stay at home husband if you will.

We had a good marriage up until about 6 months ago when she found a childhood friend/boyfriend on facebook and started talking to him. He promised her the moon (new cars, a house, the whole nine yards) I noticed she had been acting strange and I did some investigating. I came across e-mails, texts, messages on facebook etc of them going back and forth telling each other they loved each other, the usual stuff you would expect to see, and confronted her with what I had found. We discussed it like rational adults and she said that it was done and over with that she just felt sorry for him because he didn't have anyone in his life and she was just trying to make him feel better.

She said that was the end of it..well, a few days goes by and I found out that she had made another (secret) facebook and e-mail account and was still talking to him. I confronted her with what I had found, and she starts crying and saying she really does just feel sorry for him and didn't want to be mean and stop talking to him. And that it was really done and over this time because she loved me. A couple more days goes by and she tells me she is having a nervous breakdown and needs to go into a psychiatric hospital because she just can't handle her illness anymore. I was fine with this, and supported her decision, so she goes to stay at her moms house for a couple days before supposedly going into this hospital.

A couple days after she supposedly went into the hospital, she calls me and says the doctors want to keep her longer because she is having bad side effects to the medications (seizures, brain zaps, memory problems, nausea etc etc) I assured her that it would get better, told her I loved her and hoped she will get the help she wants. 

A couple more days go by, and she calls and tells me that she has not been in a hospital but instead had her dad buy her a plane ticket to go see this guy, and that is where she had been since the day she left to supposedly stay at her moms house for a couple days before going into the hospital, but assured me nothing has happened between them and it is not what she was told it would be..he takes a lot of pills and does a lot of drugs and that she has a return flight in a few days. I was not happy to hear this, but told her everything would be okay and she just needed to come home.

The day before her return flight, she calls me and informs me that she needs more time with this guy and she is not ready to come home yet and tells me that she changed her return flight date to the following week (she had been gone over a week at this point) but still claims nothing has happened between them. 

Well time goes by, and a couple of days before she is due to return again, she calls me and informs me that she has slept with this guy..greeted him with a kiss at the airport, had been taking pills and doing drugs with him among other things..at this point I was gutted, but being the loving and old fashioned husband that I am told her that we could get through it after some talking and her wanting even more time down there i finally had to take a stand and told her that sh either came back when she was supposed to, or don't come back at all...she agreed to come back on her scheduled flight.

She gets back, and even with my psychiatric issues, I had to go pick her up at the airport...for the next month I had to endure her telling me every detail about her trip..how "big" he was, all the drugs, pills she had taken and done, and that they had intercourse 32 times in a 2 week period. on top of that calling and texting him right in in front of me multiple times a day while having to hear her tell him that she loved him, had a great time etc etc etc. Telling me that she loved us both in different ways (him more so) and needed time to sort things out in her head..But I endured because I do (or maybe did at this point) love her. After all of that and our talks, she decided to stay and promised me no more talking to guys on facebook(I did not ask her to) and all other kinds of things she would not do.

Fast forward to this past week. I find out that she has been talking to new guys on facebook, going behind my back and getting/doing drugs and has started with the odd hour phone calls and such again, and I have caught her in several lies. Today she tells me that her dad (the guy that bought her the plane ticket to go have an affair) is going to buy her a plane ticket to come visit with him and her step-mom for 10 days on the holidays....I strongly objected to this and told her if she did, then she could kiss her marriage goodbye.

She then starts telling me that I have no right telling her that she cannot go see her family, I have no right to not trust her, I have no right to doubt her or her dad and that I would just have to be okay with it. Then tells me that I have to accept her for her and that I am being irrational and a bad husband in doubting her. That she is going to be strong for her and will not back down on this, that she is going no matter what.

Her order of importance in her life is our cats, her parents and step mom, her, her facebook "friends" then me.

With all of that and my psychiatric problems, she knows she has me trapped, and believe me, I am trapped. where we live in Oklahoma there aren't any services for at least a 50-60 mile radius.

What do I do? Am I being irrational and a bad husband..I don't have any money, no income, our car is in her name and she says if I take it she will report it stolen and get me with whatever she can. I am about at the point to fitting what I can in a backpack and walking until I can't walk anymore...I really need something..even if just advice, opinions or whatever..I feel so hopeless...How can she justify doing this and live with herself?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Can you get legal aid? You need to find out what your rights are in divorce. If she is still working, you might get alimony at least for the length of the divorce.

Even though the car is in her name, since you are married she cannot have you arrested for using it. Double check this with an attorney but there have been posters here who were told that by the police when their spouse took the car.

Can you get to a city that has services so that you can get the help you need? 

You say that your wife is bi-polar. Well it sounds like she's in the middle of a manic cycle and thus acting out.

Have you discussed all this with her parents? Do you have parents or family members who you can talk to about what's going on and getting you help?


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

Thank you for responding. She is not in the middle of a manic cycle (I know those all to well). 

I called the police station tonight and talked with someone, and was told if I took the car, she can report it stolen, and they would arrest me if found with it, but it would be a civil issue and the judge may or may not decide to consider it car theft.

I have no way at all of getting anywhere for assistance or help. Tulsa is over an hour away by driving, and I have looked into it and made phone calls, there are no services in a 50-60 mile radius of this town.

She is not working, she is collecting disability and has medical insurance, so she can see therapists, doctors and the likes.

I have not looked into legal aid, as I really do want the marriage to work (I feel so stupid and pathetic saying that) but I do.

her parents know everything (she tells them everything that happens in our marriage) but does so in such a way as to make me out to be some horrible monster. Her dad bought her the first plane ticket knowing what she was going to go do.

I do not have any family that I could go to and she has made sure to alienate any friends that I did have..I honestly have nobody to turn to. I have tried applying for disability temporarily (wouldn't be on it longer than I had to) but because I can't see any psychiatric professionals, I keep getting denied..even though I have all of my medical records form when i was able to get psychiatric help when we lived in another state.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Why are you trapped? I understand you have consdierable psychiatric issues; but do you think things will be made better by the stress of your cheating wife. 

Talk with your shrink; but, wish her well in her trip and the divorce papers will be waiting for her when she returns.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Go to the fererally qualified health center in your area. They see patients for a sliding fee and can get behavioral health services for you if you can't find them.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You said that your wife was supposed to go to a psychiatric hospital because she could not handle things any more.

Could you go to that hospital? Surely they have doc who see people for out-patient appointments.

Are you on Medicaid? 

Maybe you can ask your wife to help you get on disability and Medicaid. Being more self sufficient might also make her see you in a better light.


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

I do not have a therapist or a psychiatrist as I do not have any medical coverage and there are 0 places that have need based care within a 50-60 mile radius of where I live. I searched into all of this months ago...

I am trapped because of, no car that I can use without possibly getting arrested, not sure if you are familiar with Agoraphobia as well as the other issues, but they are horrible horrible things.

Any time I try to talk to my wife about what she did, She says "I made a horrible mistake and I cannot fix it, I can only move on. The past is the past and all that matters is the here and now. You have to let it go and get over it."


----------



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

Nobardan said:


> I do not have a therapist or a psychiatrist as I do not have any medical coverage and there are 0 places that have need based care within a 50-60 mile radius of where I live. I searched into all of this months ago...
> 
> I am trapped because of, no car that I can use without possibly getting arrested, not sure if you are familiar with Agoraphobia as well as the other issues, but they are horrible horrible things.
> 
> Any time I try to talk to my wife about what she did, She says "I made a horrible mistake and I cannot fix it, I can only move on. The past is the past and all that matters is the here and now. You have to let it go and get over it."


Isn't there any way to get your hands on enough money to take a bus into the city?


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

No, sadly there is not. She has all the cards and control of the money. Just the way she likes it. And I don't even know if there is a bus terminal near here. And even if I could:

Agoraphobia (from Greek αγορά, "gathering place"; and φόβος/φοβία, -phobia) is an anxiety disorder characterized by anxiety in situations where the sufferer perceives certain environments as dangerous or uncomfortable, often due to the environment's vast openness or crowdedness. These situations include, but are not limited to, wide-open spaces, as well as uncontrollable social situations such as the possibility of being met in shopping malls, airports, and on bridges. 

Agoraphobia is defined within the DSM-IV TR as a subset of panic disorder, involving the fear of incurring a panic attack in those environments. In the DSM-5, however, Agoraphobia is classified as being separate to panic disorder.[2] The sufferer may go to great lengths to avoid those situations, *in severe cases becoming unable to leave their home or safe haven.*

Although mostly thought to be a fear of public places, it is now believed that agoraphobia develops as a complication of panic attacks

I am a severe case. the last time I was out of this room was when I had to go pick my wife up from the airport after she got back from having the affair roughly 7 months ago now. before that it had been almost a year. Believe me, it was not easy nor a fun trip to the airport..panic attacks, nausea etc etc the whole trip down and back and for a few days afterward.


----------



## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Is your name on the bank acct.--if so---go in and take most of the money----(leave $5 in the acct,)---get a bus, and get out of there

There are facilities, that will help you

You can't stay with her---she is just gonna ride roughshod over you---eventually the way she is going---the money for both of you is gonna run out---and then what do you do----If you get kicked out of the motel---where are you gonna go

You need to do something before it gets to that point------you do not have a wife anymore---and as of now---she probably considers you her slave-------

As to the car---it may be community property of the mge---no matter what it says on the license---actually you should take the car, and go to whatever city, you wanna go to----then call her, and tell her if she wants the car---to come pick it up---if she does call the cops---tell them, you had an emergency, and you needed the car as your transportation


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

My name is not on the bank account, she would not put me on it, because then I would have access to the money. 

Her exact words when I brought that up when opening the account "You never go out anywhere, why do you need to be on the account?"

I never thought about that with the car, that is a good suggestion..now if I can just muster up the courage to go outside and make the trip. Leaving this room is incredibly difficult for me, i'm not trying to use that as an excuse, but it is what it is.....I don't want to be this way, but, alas...I am...


----------



## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

In such a situation I could not live .... how the fxxk do you think to be with her?? we're kidding?
In your place I would go NC, sleep in another room, figure out what are my rights talking to a divorce lawyer, remove all the dirt that surrounds me, I would not think EVEN A MOMENT OF R.

Raise your lower back and react to this injustice that you face!

W.T.F.!


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

Staying is not easy, leaving is not easy...I wish I were kidding, I wish this wasn't true, but it is, every single bit of it. But yet, I am told that I am being unreasonable, controlling, mean. etc. And now she is on facebook once again making me out to be the villian for not wanting her to talk to guys on facebook and for giving her opposition about going to see her dad. First thing she did, logged on to her computer, logged in to facebook and sent some guy a personal message and she sees nothing wrong with it.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

Fight fire with fire. Your "wife" is controlling and abusing you. You are effectively being kept where you are against your wishes.

You are physically capable of:

Walking

Removing the internet connection

Physically preventing access to the laptop/PC so she can't go fishing for more sex with other men

Remove yourself from her.

Do not talk to her, or interact with her.

*You cannot "nice" your way out of this.* 

If she thinks you are being controlling show her what controlling really is like. Get angry (not physically, I mean motivate yourself to do something more than posting on a forum).


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Norbardan, you would be better off living on the street alone than continuing to let this skank rub your face into it. You are in danger of
losing it and doing harm of a permanent nature to her should you stay.
Been there.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Nobardan, are you a veteran? If you are, and you're indigent, you can get full medical and psychiatric services from the VA at no cost to you. Dental not included.

If not, then incarceration may be an option. Not a good one, but being homeless on the streets with severe agoraphobia would be a short miserable life. At least you would get the psychiatric care you need.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There comes a time when each of us has to face our own demons.

You say that you have a laundry list of mental illnesses. You have been living with your wife on her disability for 8 years. How much does she get in disability?

What kind of disability is she on? Most disability is hardly enough for one person to live on, much less two people.

Are you on food stamps? Why haven't you gotten on disability yourself? 

Get to a mental health hospital and commit yourself. IF you need to tell them that you are suicidal so they will put you in for observation. Just drive the car there. Then call your wife to tell her to come get it.

That will get you someone to talk to. Tell them that you need help getting on Medicaid, food stamps, and disability.

Another way to get a ride is to call 911 and tell them that you are in a mental health crisis.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Nobardan said:


> I do not have a therapist or a psychiatrist as I do not have any medical coverage and there are 0 places that have need based care within a 50-60 mile radius of where I live. I searched into all of this months ago...
> 
> I am trapped because of, no car that I can use without possibly getting arrested, not sure if you are familiar with Agoraphobia as well as the other issues, but they are horrible horrible things.
> 
> Any time I try to talk to my wife about what she did, She says "I made a horrible mistake and I cannot fix it, I can only move on. The past is the past and all that matters is the here and now. You have to let it go and get over it."


Tell her YOU are getting over IT by DIVORCING HER.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Get in the car and drive to nearest family. Drive tonight middle of the night. Keep your marriage license in the car with you. If you get pulled over on the plates show the marriage license.


----------



## someone90 (May 31, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> There comes a time when each of us has to face our own demons.
> 
> You say that you have a laundry list of mental illnesses. You have been living with your wife on her disability for 8 years. How much does she get in disability?
> 
> ...



Exactly, with the situation you're in you only have one option, call 911. Tell them your condition and that you can't even leave the house, and tell them you're risking hurting yourself. 
That's the only way you can get out of this.


----------



## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Get in the car and drive to Tulsa. Go to a mental health facility and ask for help. If they refuse go to the nearest homeless shelter or church. 

If you get arrested - tell them that you have psychiatric issues that are untreated. They will send you for an evaluation. 

If you're going to get the help you need you have to take the bull by the horns. 

Is your part of OK tweaker country? Is she one? Are you? If she is, you're condemning yourself to imprisonment and abuse if you stay.


----------



## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

OP…. Please set your marriage aside and get the help you need.

You seem to be in a very dangerous position with nowhere to turn but the internet. While you will get some good advice here, you need a professional in your corner.

Until you can get control of your demons you can't possibly expect to save your marriage. Especially if she is BPD you have severe limitations on coping with this.

55


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Nobardan

Time to find a cure for what hurts you.

Because if you do not do it your life will truly suck forever.

Stop the focus on your marriage and your wife.

Focus on yourself.

Your wife is so selfish she will probably not even notice.

Why not look for a teleworker job you can do over the phone???

Because you need to find a way to support yourself without the wife........

HM


----------



## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Options-

Call 911 and tell them you are a risk to yourself. Psych wards who take the uninsured have social workers who will assist you with applying for emergency cash assistance from welfare, SSI, medicaid, and food stamps.

Drive to the nearest homeless shelter. They should have people to help you get services there as well.

Stay where you are, be made a laughing stock by your wife and her lover(s), get evicted, walk to a shelter or a hospital.

Sorry, but your wife is GONE. There is no saving the marriage, and why would you want to? Be strong, and when she returns- be gone! Good luck, I also have bipolar disorder and anxiety and I know it sucks, but self respect goes a long way.


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

The PTSD and the bi-polar are treatable conditions. The phobia's are exactly that. Phobia's and those fears can be over come. 

You need to STOP making excuses and get moving to get yourself fix! You mentioned packing your crap in a backpack and hitting the road, well do that!! If help isn't around you, then you go to where the help is! Even if you have to walk to Florida! 

You know damn well that if she leaves to "visit her Dad" that she's going to screw some other dudes. Why not?!?! She got away with it before and you couldn't do anything about it, what's to stop her now? She has you right where she wants you. Helpless and dependent on her. Her little pet that she can show affection when she feels like it, or kick the dog when he's down. Whatever suits her fancy. 

A lot of the conditions you have are brought on by a lot of stress, I venture to say that you've been under a crap load of stress; which obviously, isn't doing you any favors. 

Dude, this is way too toxic and you need to get out.


----------



## ecotime47 (Apr 3, 2013)

Man, I am so sorry you are going through this. I know this is painful and my heart goes out to you.


----------



## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

You can find help if you want too, you do not need insurance to receive assistance. People who have you condition are not expected to work anyway, at least without therapy and med. if you call 911, they will help you. Good luck.


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

> There comes a time when each of us has to face our own demons.
> 
> You say that you have a laundry list of mental illnesses. You have been living with your wife on her disability for 8 years. How much does she get in disability?
> 
> ...


No, I have not been living with my wife for 8 years on her disability, I used to work, but had a breakdown a while back..I have been through the ringer with disability, fought it for over 2 years getting denied, denied, denied over and over again. When we lived where there was need based psychiatric help, my therapist and psychiatrist both could not understand why they kept denying me. After so many appeals and denials, I finally requested a court hearing, that was denied..



> The PTSD and the bi-polar are treatable conditions. The phobia's are exactly that. Phobia's and those fears can be over come.
> 
> You need to STOP making excuses and get moving to get yourself fix!


I am sorry you feel that I am making excuses and that these problems are so easily overcome. I assure you, they are not. I do not want to be this way, but alas, I am...



> You know damn well that if she leaves to "visit her Dad" that she's going to screw some other dudes. Why not?!?! She got away with it before and you couldn't do anything about it, what's to stop her now? She has you right where she wants you. Helpless and dependent on her. Her little pet that she can show affection when she feels like it, or kick the dog when he's down. Whatever suits her fancy.


My sentiments exactly, I kind of do feel like a caged or trapped animal.



> Nobardan, are you a veteran? If you are, and you're indigent, you can get full medical and psychiatric services from the VA at no cost to you. Dental not included.
> 
> If not, then incarceration may be an option. Not a good one, but being homeless on the streets with severe agoraphobia would be a short miserable life. At least you would get the psychiatric care you need.


I am not a veteran and have no intention of ever wanting to be incarcerated, that is not an option.

Someone asked if me or the wife are tweakers..no, I do not do drugs..the strongest thing I take is ibuprofen for headaches (I should probably buy stock in it hah)

I do appreciate the replies. I did call a local hospital today and explained to them what was going on, and my research and suspicions were confirmed..there are no mental health services in this town without insurance and the best they could do was a 72 hour hold/eval, but they really are not equipped to handle psychiatric issues.....here is hoping for the best I guess. 

I will continue to check in here as much as I can. Again, thank you for all the replies, info and suggestions.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Nobardan said:


> No, I have not been living with my wife for 8 years on her disability, I used to work, but had a breakdown a while back..I have been through the ringer with disability, fought it for over 2 years getting denied, denied, denied over and over again. When we lived where there was need based psychiatric help, my therapist and psychiatrist both could not understand why they kept denying me. After so many appeals and denials, I finally requested a court hearing, that was denied..
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Incarceration is only an option for the truly desperate, I'll-do-anything-to-get-the-help-I-need people. Glad that you're not there yet.

I'm a little confused though about where you actually are. You've been given a lot of good suggestions on this thread, most much more reasonable than what I suggested, but have rejected them out of hand. So since we know there is no help for you where you are, and you're not willing to go where the help is, what do you expect from us?


----------



## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Nucking Futs said:


> Incarceration is only an option for the truly desperate, I'll-do-anything-to-get-the-help-I-need people. Glad that you're not there yet.
> 
> I'm a little confused though about where you actually are. You've been given a lot of good suggestions on this thread, most much more reasonable than what I suggested, but have rejected them out of hand. So since we know there is no help for you where you are, and you're not willing to go where the help is, what do you expect from us?


Yea its almost like a test, like he's trying to give us the worse possible scenario and see what our responses are.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If you can't leave your rented hotel room to visit a bank, how did you get out to buy food for the weeks she was away?


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

> If you can't leave your rented hotel room to visit a bank, how did you get out to buy food for the weeks she was away?


I do not, last time she went awol, I did not eat for over a week after running out of food. And I could not go to the bank..my name is not on the account and I do not have access to the bank.credit cards..they are all in her name as she refuses to put me on any of them.



> Yea its almost like a test, like he's trying to give us the worse possible scenario and see what our responses are.


I am doing no such thing. the situation is what it is. I am not giving the worst possible scenario, this is actually how it is.



> Im a little confused though about where you actually are. You've been given a lot of good suggestions on this thread, most much more reasonable than what I suggested, but have rejected them out of hand. So since we know there is no help for you where you are, and you're not willing to go where the help is, what do you expect from us?'


I have not and am not rejecting anything. What do I expect? Nothing really, I posted here to talk about things, and possibly get some ideas, which I have gotten quite a few and am very appreciative of. However, it seems to have now turned into the same thing that I get almost every day..people just don't understand the limitations that I have...Do I want to have them and be this way..Of course not, but I do and am. Basically being told "just get over your limitations, they are not that bad".."Stop making excuses"...well I am telling you they are indeed that bad.

I have had therapy and meds in the past, and you know what good that did?..none...Sometimes things can't be fixed with therapy and a pill or combination of pills.

I am sorry if you all feel like I am disregarding suggestions, but i assure you..I am not disregarding them and they are appreciated.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You say you have all these problems that keep you from taking care of yourself, but I have to ask:

When she moves out and into this dude's house and no longer provides for you, what are you going to do THEN? Just lie down and starve to death?


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

This woman controls every aspect of your life - to the point that you are literally starved - EXCEPT your net access?

Leaving you for a week without food in your circumstances is a criminal offence.

Ring the police.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

In fact, I believe the mods have sufficient information to report your case to the authorities.

Certainly, if this was in the UK then not doing so could, in and of itself, be a criminal offence.

If you are a troll, I hope you are using the non NSA cracked TOR as a reasonable person would have cause to believe your life is in danger.


----------



## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

So, you're telling me that you have no friends or family that can loan you some cash to get a bus ticket outta there.....


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Just stay in the hotel room and live your own separate life. Treat her cordially, take care of thecats and cook and clean the hotel room as you've been doing- but dont act like her husband- you're really just a roommate at this point and lets face it- you need her to keep a roof over your head. You have no other options that I can see.



Chris989 said:


> If you are a troll, I hope you are using the non NSA cracked TOR as a reasonable person would have cause to believe your life is in danger.


Why would a reasonable person believe his life is in danger if he's a troll? And why would you hope he's using a secure proxy server if he's trolling??


----------



## tribesman (Aug 17, 2013)

Nobardan I believe it is time to an hero


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

turnera said:


> You say you have all these problems that keep you from taking care of yourself, but I have to ask:
> 
> When she moves out and into this dude's house and no longer provides for you, what are you going to do THEN? Just lie down and starve to death?


This is the point.

OP we are having a hard time believing this story because even in the most dire of mental health cases, the afflicted person has a self preservation mechanism that kicks in.

Staying in a hotel room until food runs out and you start to starve is....beyond the afflictions you've described.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

sinnister said:


> OP we are having a hard time believing this story


Speak for yourself when you question a poster's credibility, thanks.

Better yet, keep those types of comments off the thread and contact a moderator if you have doubts. Otherwise you're simply derailing the thread and probably chasing away a person in need, simply because you don't understand them and what they're going through.

To the original poster- sorry you're having a tough time, just ignore the comments that question your "believability" and I hope things work out for you.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Wow ! This situation is incredible, almost unreal !


----------



## ecotime47 (Apr 3, 2013)

Somehow you have to figure out how to cope with your ailments and live on your own. What your wife did is detestable. I wouldn't sit around and wait for the next slap in the face to come. I'm praying for you. I hope you can figure things out.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Nobarden are you a military veteran? What was the cause of your PTSD?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> Nobarden are you a military veteran? What was the cause of your PTSD?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's already said he's not a veteran.


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

I assure you that I am not a troll and everything I have and am posting is 100% real.



> So, you're telling me that you have no friends or family that can loan you some cash to get a bus ticket outta there.....


I do not, most of my family are dead, in jail, strung out on drugs and the likes. The ones that are not, want nothing to do with our side of the family because of my parents. my mom is a needle junkie, I had to cut her out of my life after trying to get her help multiple times to no avail. and my dad is dead, my older brother is dead, my younger brother is in jail for drugs, car theft and a lot of other things. The list goes on and on. As for friends, over the years my wife has alienated them all, although since she was able to do so..they really weren't friends I guess.



> This woman controls every aspect of your life - to the point that you are literally starved - EXCEPT your net access?


Thankfully I have my own pc and the internet is provided by the hotel so there is no way she can control it, and even if it wasn't provided by the hotel, I am more computer savvy than she is.



> You say you have all these problems that keep you from taking care of yourself, but I have to ask:
> 
> When she moves out and into this dude's house and no longer provides for you, what are you going to do THEN? Just lie down and starve to death?


I would like to state that I have no intentions of harming myself in any way shape or form, but really not sure what I will do if/when that happens.



> Somehow you have to figure out how to cope with your ailments and live on your own. What your wife did is detestable. I wouldn't sit around and wait for the next slap in the face to come. I'm praying for you. I hope you can figure things out.


Thank you, I do appreciate your kind words and prayers. I hope one way or the other all of this ends soon. I have tried most suggestions that have been put forth here with the exception of a psych hospital/911 and jail...Again, I have no intentions of harming myself in any way shape or form.



> Nobarden are you a military veteran? What was the cause of your PTSD?


Years of physical and sexual abuse at the hands of my father growing up. As far back as I can remember, starting around age 6 and going through until I was 17. My father was a gungy vietnam vet (not saying they all are, but he was) Daily multiple beatings, and when I say beatings, I don't mean spanked or the likes..I mean thrown through walls, guns put up against my head and in my mouth, and much much worse..things that I probably could not post here. As well as watching my older brother who I was very close with get the left side of his head crushed in a go-kart accident and holding him as he took his last breath..the go-kart flipped, tossed him out and the engine came down on his head, he was not wearing a helmet...I didn't think writing this part would bother me as much as it has.........

I realize that I am the only one that can change my situation, and believe me, I would love to be able to do so, and do things that other people can do. I hate being this way, I really do..it is disgusting and pathetic..I know this...Some would say I am pathetic and a loser among other things... I know this too...It sickens me to be this way....But with all of that said. I know I am a good, decent and kind person who has been given some of the worst cards in the deck..There are a lot of people worse off than I am, I know it could be worse..at least I am not homeless (yet) and I have a couple kitties that love me.

Thank you all for everything, sorry for being in such a difficult situation and for being so screwed up. I wish you all nothing but the best.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Do you have a social life ? (on the internet pehaps ?)


----------



## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

lenzi said:


> Speak for yourself when you question a poster's credibility, thanks.
> 
> Better yet, keep those types of comments off the thread and contact a moderator if you have doubts. Otherwise you're simply derailing the thread and probably chasing away a person in need, simply because you don't understand them and what they're going through.
> 
> To the original poster- sorry you're having a tough time, just ignore the comments that question your "believability" and I hope things work out for you.


Didn't mean to speak for you or anybody else.

I will re-phrase.

I have a difficult time believing this because of what has been described. Self preservation is involuntary. I'm not just speaking for the sake of it. I have had the misfortune of dealing with a family member with mental health issues that are severe. Even she would find a way to eat.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Nobardan, the amount of abuse you describe frankly cannot be dealt with WITHOUT a psych hospital. Maybe you think that's a death sentence, but it's not. My daughter's in psychology and they really do HELP people in such places. Wouldn't you rather take a step like that and reach a state in which you can handle life, than just exist like this?


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Didn't mean to speak for you or anybody else.
> 
> I will re-phrase.
> 
> I have a difficult time believing this because of what has been described. Self preservation is involuntary. I'm not just speaking for the sake of it. I have had the misfortune of dealing with a family member with mental health issues that are severe. Even she would find a way to eat.


Ok that's fair. But I don't think the guy is down to his last meal. He's depressed, he's scared, he feels helpless so he's doing the only thing he's capable of doing right now which unfortunately is nothing. 

I'd guess that if push comes to shove he'd eat out of a dumpster before he starves to death, but it hasn't come to that yet. 

It always irks me when people post about how unbelievable a poster's story is. It isn't helpful, it has chased many people away when they really need assistance, and let's face it, in all but the most obvious troll threads, there's no way to really know so why make posts like that, there's nothing to gain and everything to lose.


----------



## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Nobardan, have you contacted your county social services office? They may be able to help or direct you to some other agency that can help. Have you called any local churches? Some offer services for people who are struggling.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm going to think out side the box here and suggest you be a good husband and in turn she needs to be a good wife.

Now go out and meet some women and have a life...your wife will be fine with it...after all if she wants to be a good wife she will have to let you live your life and do what you want.


Sarcasim.... but this kind of thinking can ring true with this kind of bull crap...Let your wife takes care of you while the both of you get to screw around?????

Now back to reality....


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

I did some more searching and came across a number I hadn't seen before. Called it, explained my situation and they were able to put me in touch with a psychiatric place that will see me on a sliding scale, but the only service I get is meds/med management. no therapy, no support network, nothing else. However, they will come pick me up and take me to appointments. I have an appointment today and I am freaked out. Bad anxiety, multiple panic attacks, stomach is in knots, shaking like a leaf. I have such a sense of dread and doom. ...I guess it is a start.

Along with the psych problems, I also have Chron's disease. Was diagnosed with it in 2007. All this stress and such is causing that to flare up too...I am a mess.

The suggestions and great posts I have gotten here have kept me going, for that I thank you..without finding this forum and all of your posts I would have just given up and continued to exist in this situation.



> Do you have a social life ? (on the internet pehaps ?)


I do not, don't use facebook or any of the social networking sites. I make music/beats (electronic, techno, hip hop, rock etc etc) on my pc with a few programs and record guitar and bass tracks that I come up with (I play guitar and bass). That is mainly what my pc is used for.



> I have a difficult time believing this because of what has been described. Self preservation is involuntary. I'm not just speaking for the sake of it. I have had the misfortune of dealing with a family member with mental health issues that are severe. Even she would find a way to eat.


I really do not, it may sound/seem strange, but I do not..My last psychiatrist said I have a "Passive death wish" which means: I want to die, but do not have any plans or desires to do it myself, but won't do anything to stop it from happening.



> Nobardan, the amount of abuse you describe frankly cannot be dealt with WITHOUT a psych hospital. Maybe you think that's a death sentence, but it's not. My daughter's in psychology and they really do HELP people in such places. Wouldn't you rather take a step like that and reach a state in which you can handle life, than just exist like this?


I really hope it does not come to that (A psych hospital). However, I guess it is up to the people at the psych place I am going to later today.


----------



## Nujabes (May 16, 2013)

Forgive me peoples but not sure if this is a troll post or a real scenario.... Excuses when solutions given, disorders, and live out in the middle of nowhere supposedly with internet... My gut feelings is sniffing this one out.


----------



## Nobardan (Oct 14, 2013)

> Forgive me peoples but not sure if this is a troll post or a real scenario.... Excuses when solutions given, disorders, and live out in the middle of nowhere supposedly with internet... My gut feelings is sniffing this one out.


I don't know how many times I have to say it, nor how to say it any clearer. This is not a troll post, this is 100% real. Your gut is wrong and needs to get its feelings checked. I never claimed to live out in the middle of nowhere (that I can recall) It is just a very small town about an hour or so northeast of Tulsa. There are literally 2 stop lights (and I think the second one is just outside of the town limits.), a gas station, a mcdonalds, a wal-mart, a pizza hut and a few small businesses in the town. 

I have not made any excuses, I have only provided facts and my personal mental and health issues. It is an extremely messed up situation, I will give you that. It may not make sense to you, but please don't judge someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.

I found this forum while searching on the internet and posted here for support, ideas and the likes. A lot of you have been very helpful and kind, of which I am very grateful. You can believe what you want to believe, but I know what I know.

As someone stated before


> Better yet, keep those types of comments off the thread and contact a moderator if you have doubts. Otherwise you're simply derailing the thread and probably chasing away a person in need, simply because you don't understand them and what they're going through.





> It always irks me when people post about how unbelievable a poster's story is. It isn't helpful, it has chased many people away when they really need assistance, and let's face it, in all but the most obvious troll threads, there's no way to really know so why make posts like that, there's nothing to gain and everything to lose.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

You are in a hotel right ? Do you have an issue talking with new people ? Maybe go out and talk to the receptionist ? Sit in the lobby and observe other people for an hour or two ? Can you do that ?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Thank you for calling and scheduling an appointment. Just keep telling yourself this: they will help me, they will help me, they will help me.


----------

