# Found Husband's Secret Toy Stash



## jbvolley (Apr 14, 2012)

I found my husband's secret stash of sex toys two months ago and the wheels have been coming off the marriage ever since.

We've been married almost 2 years (both in 40's, first marriage for both). We've never been overly physical. About once a month is average for us and even then it's not very affectionate. Sometimes I'm ok with it - sometimes not.

Back in January, after having zero intimate relations through the entire holiday season, I went away on a weekend retreat. I left late Friday night only to get a phone call on Saturday AM that hubby fell and broke his ankle - he needed to have surgery.

I rushed home to be by his side only to be told "don't be shocked - I have some toys out in the house".

Some toys doesn't even begin to describe it. There was a full suitcase of anal toys that I had never even imagined. Toys were in the shower, on the floor in the bathroom. We've been in the house over 2 years and I thought I knew every corner. I couldn't even imagine where he had been hiding it from me.

It was a bad break so first priority was getting him out of hospital and settled into make-shift bedroom in living room. I became full-time care-taker and he was in so much pain that I didn't think it was the appropriate time to discuss the toys.

Healing and recovery quickly took priority but everything still weighed on my mind. Then one night he had a very strange reaction to the news of his best friend's engagement. After he sulked for a couple of days - I asked if he secretly loved his buddy. He lashed out in a rage that I was totally off base.

I explained my position - that I was hurt by his secret and felt that he had no interest in me. How painful it was for me to know that he went running to get the toys out the minute I left the house. I suddenly found myself doubting absolutely everything in our marriage.

He has since tried to be intimate 3 times and I've pushed him away. He thinks that I'm turned off by his anal toys. I can't make him understand that my trust is destroyed and his lack of openness and emotional intimacy is where this is all coming from. Yes, I was shocked and surprised but I'm willing to work to keep an open mind if he would just talk to me about it. 

Meanwhile, his reaction about his buddy and his refusal to talk about that makes me wonder if the toys are physical in nature or if there is something more to my suspicions. We are now having all kinds of difficulties and the tension in the house has become totally unbearable. He says the sex issue is settled and that my doubts are totally unfounded but I say they are not if I still have questions. 

Has anyone ever experienced something like this? He has said that he would talk to someone professionally with me but when I try to follow up with him on that he shuts down and won't talk about it. I don't believe it would be successful if I just make an appointment and tell him to go. I just want to discuss things openly. I'm scared and uncomfortable and I told him that but I'm willing to go there. He won't. 

I'm feeling like my only option right now is to abandon this whole deal. I'm tired of fighting to get close to him or understand what is going on. Am I over-reacting to the toys or is that just a portion of the underlying communication problem? Thanks for any one that can share in similar situations.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Having anal toys doesn't mean a man is gay.

However, he was hiding what appears to be a large part of his sexuality and sex life from you, so for that reason, I would wonder what else he is hiding. Maybe nothing but I'd still wonder.

But if you want to know what is going you're going to need to let go of the "oh no does it mean he's gay" attitude.

Unless you have something other than the toys that has made you wonder?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm curious... How long did you date before getting married? 

If it was me, I guess I'd want to go to some form of marriage counselling before calling it quits. I'd want to know "the truth" before making any decisions. But I wouldn't really blame you for throwing in the towel.

C


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I think your feelings are understandable 

-but I agree that it does not mean he is having an affair with his buddy. Make MC or a minimum condition of staying married. Maybe it is just a kink that he feels very embarrassed about.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

I would be upset if I were getting sex once per month only to find out that my husband had a very active sex life with himself. That would be the problem for me - as you said it mostly is for you.

Is this the friends first marriage as well, in his 40's?


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## Tomson (Mar 10, 2014)

It seems like you have a lot of hurt and anger for being neglected and he has a lot of shame and embarrassment for being exposed in such an accidental way. I am sorry for both of you. I wonder if you think anger or shame are feelings that are going to resolve things or move them forward? Men are freaks - a few women are as well - but it's mostly men that have fetishes. As far as I know, no one gets to ask for their sexuality. That is something that develops both because of biology and environment. What are your feelings about his toys, other than you think he is gay. Would you ever be willing to include them in your lovemaking with you using them on him? If not, maybe you know why he was hiding things from you. I understand that you need more sexual attention and validation in this relationship and you do not deserve to come in second to a piece of plastic - I totally get that. I just think you have got to dial down shaming him about his friend getting married. Did that really come from a place of wonder or a from feeling angry and wanting to deal him a blow - that is sort of how it comes across to me at least. I think the first thing you both have to do in order to work on anything is to get your level of trust back up in the relationship. Trust means that you are able to let down your guard and be vulnerable with the other person because you trust them not to attack you or otherwise hurt you. This may mean you guys need to get a neutral third party to help with some ground rules to set a foundation for this communication that really needs to happen without so much negative emotion attached to it. In regards to counseling, I think he is desperately ashamed of talking with someone and is probably projecting his feelings of shame and judgement onto the "therapist". I would try to find a therapist who deals with human sexuality. Most will let you talk on the phone for 15-20 minutes and explain things. Make sure the therapist is comfortable as well. Then I think you need to acknowledge to your husband that you are aware of his feelings of embarrassment, but that you have no intention of shaming him or belittling him in anyway. As you said, trust is really the issue, not his fetishes. I would tell him that you only want him to agree to 3 sessions and then he can quit if he wants. My bet is that he wants to work through this as much as you and once he sees that he can feel safe he will stop resisting, especially if it helps you both communicate. I wish you each the best going forward and I hope this is something you will be able to work through together and come out closer to each other for it.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Maybe if you would have been having regular sex with him you wouldn't be this dilemma. I feel bad for your husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

over20 said:


> Maybe if you would have been having regular sex with him you wouldn't be this dilemma. I feel bad for your husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Why do you assume it's HER fault they weren't having sex on a regular basis? If he was into other things that he wasn't sharing with her, I'd guess that he was more likely to be the one limiting their sex life. And she even mentions that sex wasn't happening as often as she'd prefer. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm curious if, in the aftermath of all this, you have suggested to your husband that you'd like to try some of his toys with him? 

This issue could be so many different things. When I was reading the first part of your post I thought that he may be embarrassed by his kinks and possibly doesn't trust you (or anyone really) to share them. Then when I read the last part I thought, well maybe he's gay or bi. Maybe he's cheated. I don't know, this is a weird situation that you need to get to the bottom of. I only suggest that you try to do it in a way that doesn't shame him or close him up further. This "could" be the gateway to a deeper connection between you two.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

over20 said:


> Maybe if you would have been having regular sex with him you wouldn't be this dilemma. I feel bad for your husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm with PB why do you assume it is her fault? You don't really like women do you, it is always their fault regardless of the situation.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I'm curious if, in the aftermath of all this, you have suggested to your husband that you'd like to try some of his toys with him?
> 
> This issue could be so many different things. When I was reading the first part of your post I thought that he may be embarrassed by his kinks and possibly doesn't trust you (or anyone really) to share them. Then when I read the last part I thought, well maybe he's gay or bi. Maybe he's cheated. I don't know, this is a weird situation that you need to get to the bottom of. I only suggest that you try to do it in a way that doesn't shame him or close him up further. This "could" be the gateway to a deeper connection between you two.


It would also be useful to figure out what you are really upset about. The toys themselves, the hiding, the lack of sex in your marriage, his rushing to them the moment you were out the door, etc. Figuring out why you are upset can help you figure out what you need to move forward and whether you can do so with him or not.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

His secrecy and reaction to his friend getting married are the two troubling details. OP, have you wanted sex more than once a month? I know the inactivity during the holiday season bothered you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

It is not uncommon for men to like to engage in anal sex. It is a very much taboo thing to participate in in some areas of the world. It is also embarrassing. I think from what I am reading that you are mostly hurt by his need to bot be up front with you. Are you feeling lied to, betrayed, and simply replaced with a toy, by any chance. That is what the main issues seems to be about to me. His preferences are not so much the issue except the concern for being gay. And liking anal stimulation doesn't make one gay. 

You have said yall don't have sex often. Who's choice is that. Do you not want to or does he not want to. If it is him who doesn't want to, and he is turning to toys instead that is not the end of the world. It simply means he is able to to reach a goal sexually that you and him are not able to reach together. Someone suggested you guys sharing in this fetish. I think that is a wonderful idea. I am sure it would be awkward at first. But if his fear was how to tell you and you truly love him then that might be something you might want to share with him. Let him show you what he does or let you do some of the stimulating with the toys. A man having toys is really no different then a female having toys. The purpose of sex is the release and the shard connection weather it is sexual or emotional. 

good luck figuring out what to do. Otherwise is the relationship between the two of you salvageable and something you wish to keep if it were not for this one area of concern.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

PBear said:


> Why do you assume it's HER fault they weren't having sex on a regular basis? If he was into other things that he wasn't sharing with her, I'd guess that he was more likely to be the one limiting their sex life. And she even mentions that sex wasn't happening as often as she'd prefer.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I did not mean any disrespect to the OP. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that if they were only having sex once a month (sometimes good and sometimes bad the OP said...she also stated she sometimes doesn't prefer it) that as a wife one wouldn't start questioning as to why the low frequency...:scratchhead: I am also puzzled as to why if she wanted more intimacy, she didn't give examples of how she repeatedly tried to tackle the lack of sex with him over and over again.

Furthermore,I hope this is not one of those threads where she is trying to blame her husband for it all. For example, a wife that hardly has sex with her husband but then is completely shocked when she discovers his porn and masturbation habits...calling him a pervert or sex addict.

I feel bad for her husband, because when he came to her for intimacy 3 times she denied him. In his darkest hour she failed him. Yes he failed her too about his sexual kinks, for whatever reason he did not want to share it with her.

I am sorry I did not mean to offend anyone....it just doesn't feel right..:scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

over20 said:


> I did not mean any disrespect to the OP. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that if they were only having sex once a month (sometimes good and sometimes bad the OP said...she also stated she sometimes doesn't prefer it) that as a wife one wouldn't start questioning as to why the low frequency...:scratchhead: I am also puzzled as to why if she wanted more intimacy, she didn't give examples of how she repeatedly tried to tackle the problem with him over and over again.
> 
> Furthermore,I hope this is not one of those threads where she is trying to blame her husband for it all. For example, a wife that hardly has sex with her husband but then is completely shocked when she discovers his porn and masturbation habits...calling him a pervert or sex addict.
> 
> ...


I'd love to hear her thoughts on your comments, but the way you blame her for the "dilemma" that they're in seems sexist without cause. There's any number of cases in TAM and otherwise (like my SO's ex-marriage) where the wife bent over backwards (literally) to try to have a healthy sex life only to be rebuffed for whatever reason the hamster wheel in their husband's heads came up with. It's an awful way to ruin a good woman. And it's hurtful to someone already in pain to start pointing fingers at the woman by default, just because she's a woman. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

You are correct...I am a woman myself and know how we are creatures of the heart. We are in tune with our husbands. One can just "feel" when it is not right. Maybe neither one of them wanted to address the issue IDK......I did not mean to sound sexist...I am just tired of the kinds of women who keep their head in the sand refusing to learn, accept and embrace their DH sexuality even it it not what the wife wants to hear. 

Lastly, maybe she is to blame and my original post is spot on.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

over20 said:


> You are correct...I am a woman myself and know how we are creatures of the heart. We are in tune with our husbands. One can just "feel" when it is not right. Maybe neither one of them wanted to address the issue IDK......I did not mean to sound sexist...I am just tired of the kinds of women who keep their head in the sand refusing to learn, accept and embrace their DH sexuality even it it not what the wife wants to hear.
> 
> Lastly, maybe she is to blame and my original post is spot on.


You don't have to preach to me. My STBXW was the one that shut down our sex life without consulting me. But I know that it also happens the other way, too. And I suspect it's just as painful, if not moreso, for the women in those cases. Because after all, ALL guys want to have sex all the time! 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

PBear said:


> You don't have to preach to me. My STBXW was the one that shut down our sex life without consulting me. But I know that it also happens the other way, too. And I suspect it's just as painful, if not moreso, for the women in those cases. Because after all, ALL guys want to have sex all the time!
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do get unnerved with this kind of topic. You are very wise and can see both sides justly. A character trait I need to develop more in myself.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Big Mama said:


> It is not uncommon for men to like to engage in anal sex. It is a very much taboo thing to participate in in some areas of the world. It is also embarrassing. I think from what I am reading that you are mostly hurt by his need to bot be up front with you. Are you feeling lied to, betrayed, and simply replaced with a toy, by any chance. That is what the main issues seems to be about to me. His preferences are not so much the issue except the concern for being gay. And liking anal stimulation doesn't make one gay.


I'm straight so here's my take for what it's worth. If a man likes being a pitcher and obviously his target is female then it doesn't mean he's gay or pretending not to be. This by itself shouldn't be cause for alarm. However, if he likes being the catcher, by himself or otherwise, then I'd call that a red flag. 

Sure he might not be gay but yeah it's definitely a huge... red.... flag.....


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

over20 said:


> I do get unnerved with this kind of topic. You are very wise and can see both sides justly. A character trait I need to develop more in myself.


Do you visit the threads where the HD woman complains that the hubby doesn't want sex? Did you visit the "LD Husband Journal" thread? Or do you just look for the threads where the wife is not putting out in order to reinforce your view that women always withhold sex from men?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

over20 said:


> I do get unnerved with this kind of topic. You are very wise and can see both sides justly. A character trait I need to develop more in myself.


No, not wise. But I've seen both genders get hurt badly being on the sexless side of a marriage. My SO was over 3 years without. Ugh! So we've tried making up in our time together. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

I dont know how many heterosexual males play with anal toys ALONE on themselves, but I would dare say probably very few.

So, they were out and all over the house. That certainly sounds like some sort of party. Who called you and how, exactly, did he break his ankle? Who was the person that called you, why didnt they hide the toys tor him? Maybe he wanted to get caught and get it out in the open with you.

and, if he weren't alone....then he was more than likely being unfaithful with whomever was at the anal sex toy all over the house party attendee(s)

He got them out quickly after you left the house...

he was unusually upset when his close male friend got engaged...

you are both in first marriages, both over 40 , and sex only once a month

I would certainly be questioning his sexual gender preference.
I read a lot of signs, red flags

and I'm really surprised that others are admonishing you for questioning it.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

techmom said:


> Do you visit the threads where the HD woman complains that the hubby doesn't want sex? Did you visit the "LD Husband Journal" thread? Or do you just look for the threads where the wife is not putting out in order to reinforce your view that women always withhold sex from men?


In all honesty I did not visit that thread. I do browse threads that catch my. I NEVER said "that women always withhold sex from men". You are putting words into my mouth.

I have been married over 20 years. I have learned a lot about my husband and men in general about male sexuality...I have read countless books and works on the topic. I chose a long time ago to be the kind of wife my DH needs. Therefore fulfilling his deepest sexual desires. I love to do this for him and me.

I am different though. I am tired of my own sex continually belittling men for having such raw sexual desire. I am tired of women ridiculing men in this area. I do not participate in conversations that bash men.

Furthermore, I am intelligent enough to know that there are LD/HD issues with both sexes.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

And I see from other threads that he is passive aggressive, and you pay all the bills.

hmm what a sweet set up he has. 

He knows you wont usually confront him on anything, he doesnt want to be with you at family or friend social
Events....

sounds to me like he is doing and saying what he can to stay in this "relatinship" since he has you for a sugar mama..meal ticket...and when you're gone (even for a weekend) he can resume his secret life/behaviors.

What exactly are YOU getting out of this martiage/relationship?


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

I daresay that your husband is not being honest about his sexuality. 

The plethora of anal toys, the hiding and lying, the lack of sex and the depression when his friend got engaged just don't seem right. 

Gay Husbands / Straight Wives Marriage Specialist Bonnie Kaye See if anything resonates with you here. Good luck.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

over20 said:


> In all honesty I did not visit that thread. I do browse threads that catch my. I NEVER said "that women always withhold sex from men". You are putting words into my mouth.
> 
> I have been married over 20 years. I have learned a lot about my husband and men in general about male sexuality...I have read countless books and works on the topic. I chose a long time ago to be the kind of wife my DH needs. Therefore fulfilling his deepest sexual desires. I love to do this for him and me.
> 
> ...


Just to reiterate, there are men who don't display the "raw sexual desire" because they are low desire by nature. I first learned this by visiting the online forums. I used to think every male was a horndog and was HD. I learned a lot especially from the LD Husband Journal thread.

It would help if women and men knew that low libido happens in both genders so that highly sexual women won't feel like just because a man does not desire sex he is gay. I think that what is happening with the OP is that her husband has an anal fetish which he is ashamed of. Some men are ashamed of this, even though anal is very pleasurable for men to receive. Some men like prostate massages for example, but to admit this means that people will assume that they are homosexual.

I think the OP should pursue counseling with her husband to get out the truth about his sexuality and his apparent LD with her.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Or, he could be gay and using her as a meal ticket.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

techmom said:


> Just to reiterate, there are men who don't display the "raw sexual desire" because they are low desire by nature. I first learned this by visiting the online forums. I used to think every male was a horndog and was HD. I learned a lot especially from the LD Husband Journal thread.
> 
> It would help if women and men knew that low libido happens in both genders so that highly sexual women won't feel like just because a man does not desire sex he is gay. I think that what is happening with the OP is that her husband has an anal fetish which he is ashamed of. Some men are ashamed of this, even though anal is very pleasurable for men to receive. Some men like prostate massages for example, but to admit this means that people will assume that they are homosexual.
> 
> I think the OP should pursue counseling with her husband to get out the truth about his sexuality and his apparent LD with her.


I agree with you, wonderful insight


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Have any of you read her other threads?

I think you are missing the big picture....and it isn't simply a problem of LD or a presumed taboo kink.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

No I haven't. Does one just search under the user name? I never tried it before


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Look under the user's profile, then under the statistics tab..and you can view posts snd threads started by them.

I pulled one up and posted in the general relationship forum
so it would be easier to find....and JB needs to re-read it herself.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Ahhhh, thank you UU


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Unique Username said:


> I dont know how many heterosexual males play with anal toys ALONE on themselves, but I would dare say probably very few.
> 
> So, they were out and all over the house. That certainly sounds like some sort of party. Who called you and how, exactly, did he break his ankle? Who was the person that called you, why didnt they hide the toys tor him? Maybe he wanted to get caught and get it out in the open with you.
> 
> ...


That he whipped out his toys quickly, or even the number of them is not a red flag of some extramarital relations of incompatible sexual orientation. I am not discounting that he has not taken his personal fetish further or to innappropriate places, but more likely to me it seems he is just ashamed of his own compulsive, secret behaviors. It is one possible explanation why he got so defensive when you asked if he was gay, or if he was cheating with gay men. But there are lots of possibilities, and he has never felt safe enough to reveal any of these personal desires or behaviors with you, that is where the real problem and barrier to true intimacy comes in (and what man who is into that kind of thing would EVER feel safe revealing it with someone whom is threatened by it?). I am not blaming you at all OP, I'm just suggesting to not jump to conclusions, and keep an open mind and positive faith about your husbands mind, and if indeed it goes beyond what he does in his own time, if there is outside threats in your marriage definitely take decisive action.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

I just finished reading one of the OP's other threads, it sounds like the hubby is living under her roof and is not contributing to the finances. If that is what they agreed to do then fine. I don't think it has anything to do with the sex toys however. Looking for more input from the OP...


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Lon said:


> That he whipped out his toys quickly, or even the number of them is not a red flag of some extramarital relations of incompatible sexual orientation. I am not discounting that he has not taken his personal fetish further or to innappropriate places, but more likely to me it seems he is just ashamed of his own compulsive, secret behaviors. It is one possible explanation why he got so defensive when you asked if he was gay, or if he was cheating with gay men. But there are lots of possibilities, and he has never felt safe enough to reveal any of these personal desires or behaviors with you, that is where the real problem and barrier to true intimacy comes in (and what man who is into that kind of thing would EVER feel safe revealing it with someone whom is threatened by it?). I am not blaming you at all OP, I'm just suggesting to not jump to conclusions, and keep an open mind and positive faith about your husbands mind, and if indeed it goes beyond what he does in his own time, if there is outside threats in your marriage definitely take decisive action.


:iagree:


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## Big Mama (Mar 24, 2014)

My H doesn't have a collection of sex toys. we have been married for 20 years. He is completely straight. As straight as they come. But in me showing him what I like and he showing me what he likes, I was a little shocked to find that he likes anal stimulation. We all like what we like and if that is what he likes and it intensifies what we are doing together, I don't have a problem with his likes. 

Like I said though he doesn't have a collection of toys. He was also up front about this like of his, and I have no doubt he is straight. 

I have not read any other threads by the poster. Not yet anyway.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

I have zero personal stake in any of this, but I would certainly be questioning his underlying motive. 
Sounds to me after having read all of her threads, that he was looking for a meal ticket, pretending to be straight, 
Happy that she doesn't require sex often, and the moment the cat's away the mice call all their mouse friends over to play with their toys.

anyway, good luck to OP


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## jbvolley (Apr 14, 2012)

Thanks everyone for the input. It all applies to this situation. This has been a struggle from almost immediately after we got the piece of paper (marriage license). 

It seemed to me like he became a whole new person. Sex was never a significant part of our relationship and I thought we both accepted that. I am rather LD myself so I thought it was just a good fit. It wasn't long though until I realized that my wants had very little significance in the relationship. If I initiated anything and he wasn't interested - he simply disregarded my attempts. 

He often stays up late into the night and sleeps on the recliner so he'll come to bed just as I'm getting up in the morning. If he's in the mood, then he'll let me know. I went along with things whether I was interested or not because I was happy to get the attention.

This situation has become the breaking part after many, many other issues. I am very afraid that I do know what the answer is here and I'm just now coming to terms with it. I never imagined that I would need to make this decision this soon into a marriage. Not even 2 years. 

He has agreed to go to counseling but I've put the ball in his court. I gave him the insurance information and the link of where to find a therapist and told him that if he truly wants to go - he needs to make the appointment. We'll see what happens.

As far as posting this question here - I'm not sure if my drawing the line in the sand was a result of my reaction to the toys so I wanted to try and isolate that incident. 

Regardless, I have come to realize that my marriage does anything but make me happy and it's time for that to change. Wish I knew what the next step really was.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

I have zero judgements about toys and anal sex...and most dudes actually enjoy a little prostate massage. 
BUT, HETEROSEXUAL men and women usually find a way to bring up these desires WITH their partner....not the minute they leave

I also could care less what sexual orientation a person self identifies

Point is im not bashing people having a fetish, kink, whatever

but it all sounds fishy...snd not in a im hiding my kink way...more of a im hiding my true orientation kinda way


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

The next step is guarding your assets and getting him out of your house.
I truly hope you find someone who will be your partner and love you.

but, you know being alone isnt all that bad either  

concentrate on you....Learn from all of this...don't settle and you will be fine.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Found Husband's Secret Toy Stash*



Unique Username said:


> I have zero judgements about toys and anal sex...and most dudes actually enjoy a little prostate massage.
> BUT, HETEROSEXUAL men and women usually find a way to bring up these desires WITH their partner....not the minute they leave
> 
> I also could care less what sexual orientation a person self identifies
> ...


It is very possible for a person to wish to hide their masturbatory kink as much as another may wish to hide their true orientation. Maybe even more so.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

over20 said:


> You are correct...I am a woman myself and know how we are creatures of the heart. We are in tune with our husbands. One can just "feel" when it is not right. Maybe neither one of them wanted to address the issue IDK......I did not mean to sound sexist...*I am just tired of the kinds of women who keep their head in the sand refusing to learn, accept and embrace their DH sexuality even it it not what the wife wants to hear.
> *
> Lastly, maybe she is to blame and my original post is spot on.


Who was refusing to learn or embrace her husband's sexuality in this thread? :scratchhead:

Sounds like you have an axe to grind and you are projecting your anger on the OP.

Turning on your own gender isn't going to help women become more interested in sex. 

Also, just because a wife may not meet YOUR standards for a good sex partner, it doesn't mean that she doesn't satisfy her husband.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

BetrayedDad said:


> I'm straight so here's my take for what it's worth. If a man likes being a pitcher and obviously his target is female then it doesn't mean he's gay or pretending not to be. This by itself shouldn't be cause for alarm. However, if he likes being the catcher, by himself or otherwise, then I'd call that a red flag.
> 
> Sure he might not be gay but yeah it's definitely a huge... red.... flag.....


And you'd be wrong.

Catching means nothing if the pitcher is female.

The very definition of homosexuality is an attracting to the same sex.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

tacoma said:


> And you'd be wrong.
> 
> Catching means nothing if the pitcher is female.
> 
> The very definition of homosexuality is an attracting to the same sex.


I didn't say it means he's gay. I said it was a red flag that he could be. Catching, whether you agree or not, is largely a homosexual activity. Gay men use anal as a substitute for the penetration sensation of a vagina. I don't need to put something in my butt to have a good time but perhaps if I were gay then my partner would.

The OP's concern is that he could be using her for stability, when in reality his preference is men. It's certainly a valid concern based on his behavior.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Found Husband's Secret Toy Stash*



BetrayedDad said:


> The OP's concern is that he could be using her for stability, when in reality his preference is men. It's certainly a valid concern based on his behavior.


The real concern, according to me anyways, is that he may be using her for stability, when in reality his preference is for his own compulsive, anally obsessive masturbation alone time.

Either way, it is clear that there is a lack in true intimacy with the OP.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

We don't know for certain he was alone. Perhaps his lover took off when he hurt his ankle? Why would he have toys all over the house if he was alone? Even if he was alone maybe he was practicing for or fantasizing about a prior or upcoming homosexual experience? Who knows... 

Am I the only one who thinks there is clearly more to this story then a straight guy who likes to play with his butt when he's alone? It certainly doesn't sound like his first rodeo.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> We don't know for certain he was alone. Perhaps his lover took off when he hurt his ankle? Why would he have toys all over the house if he was alone? Even if he was alone maybe he was practicing for or fantasizing about a prior or upcoming homosexual experience? Who knows...
> 
> Am I the only one who thinks there is clearly more to this story then a straight guy who likes to play with his butt when he's alone? It certainly doesn't sound like his first rodeo.


Pretty much. I mean this guy was planning on having some party if the toys were all over the house like that. Seems to be more to this


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Found Husband's Secret Toy Stash*



BetrayedDad said:


> We don't know for certain he was alone. Perhaps his lover took off when he hurt his ankle? Why would he have toys all over the house if he was alone? Even if he was alone maybe he was practicing for or fantasizing about a prior or upcoming homosexual experience? Who knows...
> 
> Am I the only one who thinks there is clearly more to this story then a straight guy who likes to play with his butt when he's alone? It certainly doesn't sound like his first rodeo.


It's compulsive behavior he has kept hidden secret for years so far and his W never had a clue. You can presume he acted alone or you can presume there were other people involved, in absence of any proof there is someone else, which is the more useful presumption to make? If your W walked in on you masturbating to amateur porn, is it a useful presumption for her to make that the person in the porn was someone you knew personally and were having an affair with, or that it was sent to you by a mistress? Because that is the same rationalization being applied when you suggest there has to be someone else. I mean isn't it bad enough what the OP stumbled upon?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I'm sorry did the OP not come here asking for opinions? Is this not a forum for discussion and sharing viewpoints? Has something changed since I logged In this morning? 

I also share the opinion that from what is described it doesn't seem that sex toys all over the house were just for a singular act or for a singular person. Could it be that is just what he was into....sure how am I or you to know. We are expressing our opinion. That doesn't mean we presume it to be true only that it our opinion is that it could be


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