# At a loss need advice



## Handyman465 (11 mo ago)

My wife and I have been married for 10 years, with 2 small children. We do not do anything without one another and neither of us have friends that we go and talk too. If we are ever around other people it is her family. I am a devoted husband and father. I have never had any infidelity but my wife has accused me of having relations with every female that I have been around. Her mother, step mother, step sister, ex sis in law, new sis in law. She says that she believes that I wouldn't but I'm on trial weekly sometimes daily. It is a big strain on our relationship and I'm not sure how to proceed. I defend myself and explain why her accusations are absurd but she says I make her out to be crazy and don't care how she feels. I have suggested professioal help but that hasn't went over well. She thinks all women are this way and she just cares. I do not go out of my way to talk to these women and have even developed social anxiety like looking down constantly and sitting outside at family functions to avoid accusations. My wife says that she believes that they are attracted to me but I catch the heat for it. None of these women have ever said or done anything out of the way to make me feel like they have ill intentions. I love my wife and I intended on forever when I married her but this is hard on my psychological state.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Not-a-lady here so I won't stick around on this thread, but I wanted to say
My spidey sense says there's more to this story. Honestly my first thought was to not trust you either.

I mean no disrespect, it's just a hunch purely based on phrases, word choices, intuition, etc. and could be way off.

Either way, having no friends is not healthy. Get her out and into the world.

Best of luck OP, I hope you can resolve things in your marriage.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

She’s projecting her insecurities onto you. She may be misunderstanding some of your actions but in all likelihood it’s a controlling manoeuvre on her part. 
Some people will suggest that she’s actually cheating herself so that’s something else you need to look out for.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Does your wife have a job? You say you have no friends outside her family. Why is that?


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## Handyman465 (11 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Not-a-lady here so I won't stick around on this thread, but I wanted to say
> My spidey sense says there's more to this story. Honestly my first thought was to not trust you either.
> 
> I mean no disrespect, it's just a hunch purely based on phrases, word choices, intuition, etc. and could be way off.
> ...


She chooses not to have friends I have encouraged her too. She has severe trust issues and thinks a friend will stab her in the back but you are entitled not to trust me from just reading a paragraph but I work with her dad and am literally with her every moment that I'm not at work she has full access to my phone and all accounts even shared social media so I can't understand why she doesn't trust me.


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## Handyman465 (11 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> Does your wife have a job? You say you have no friends outside her family. Why is that?


She says that she doesn't trust friends and they'll only stab you in the back and she does have a job 3 days a week.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Handyman465 said:


> She says that *she doesn't trust friends and they'll only stab you in the back* and she does have a job 3 days a week.


WOW. Yikes. I'm sorry, I have no value to add. That sounds really sad and lonely.


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## Vorpal (Feb 23, 2020)

Does she drink?


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## Handyman465 (11 mo ago)

Vorpal said:


> Does she drink?


She doesn't


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Can you give examples of when she says these things to you. You said that you don’t go out of your way to talk to these women… but who are THESE women? 


Is this a case of… a girl looks at you and your wife says ohhh she’s flirting with you and you interpret that as she’s crazy and telling you your cheating on her. 


How often do you guys get into fights about this?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> She’s projecting her insecurities onto you. She may be misunderstanding some of your actions but in all likelihood it’s a controlling manoeuvre on her part.
> Some people will suggest that she’s actually cheating herself so that’s something else you need to look out for.


she also may be project on you her OWN behavior? i.e. she is cheating with someone, and just assumes you are cheating on her too?

do some digging.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

So you married a completely socially and emotionally-stunted woman and didn't know this BEFORE you said "I do?"

*Seriously????*


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## Handyman465 (11 mo ago)

Girl_power said:


> Can you give examples of when she says these things to you. You said that you don’t go out of your way to talk to these women… but who are THESE women?
> 
> 
> Is this a case of… a girl looks at you and your wife says ohhh she’s flirting with you and you interpret that as she’s crazy and telling you your cheating on her.
> ...


The main 2 that I am being accused of at the moment is her step mom and her brothers wife. She says they are flirty towards me and she works with her sis in law and says that she has asked what I like my wife to wear to bed and what I like sexually for my wife to do. I assume it's intended as girl talk but my wife sees it as gathering information for bad motives. We just recently bought a house from my father in law that they lived in for 17 years and my wife has found stray hairs that look to be my mother in laws and asks me for an explanation and gives me the cold shoulder for a couple of days. We have been told that we are together more than most couples we literally don't do anything apart besides work so she knows where I am at all times. I work with her dad and brother.


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## Handyman465 (11 mo ago)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> So you married a completely socially and emotionally-stunted woman and didn't know this BEFORE you said "I do?"
> 
> *Seriously????*


We married at 19 things didn't seem as unhealthy then


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Was she always like this? It sounds as if she is very jealous but in a paranoid way. No not all women are like her, of course they aren't. It's also not because she cares, it's because she wants to control everything you do due to her paranoia. 
I doubt this will change unless she agrees to get some help. It's hard to know why you would marry a person whose extreme fears keep you in prison.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Something is up.
either, lilke i said, she is cheating and projecting on you, or she has some sort of mental illness. Mental illnesses get worse with time, so she might have been borderline when you married, but years later.....it starts full on crazy


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Handyman465 said:


> We married at 19 things didn't seem as unhealthy then


The fog of hormones will do that.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'd suggest you read up on Paranoid Personality Disorder. Sounds like your wife fits it to a tee. JMO


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Why have you put up with this for so many years? You need to eatable some boundaries.


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## MiaMia0930 (11 mo ago)

Handyman465 said:


> My wife and I have been married for 10 years, with 2 small children. We do not do anything without one another and neither of us have friends that we go and talk too. If we are ever around other people it is her family. I am a devoted husband and father. I have never had any infidelity but my wife has accused me of having relations with every female that I have been around. Her mother, step mother, step sister, ex sis in law, new sis in law. She says that she believes that I wouldn't but I'm on trial weekly sometimes daily. It is a big strain on our relationship and I'm not sure how to proceed. I defend myself and explain why her accusations are absurd but she says I make her out to be crazy and don't care how she feels. I have suggested professioal help but that hasn't went over well. She thinks all women are this way and she just cares. I do not go out of my way to talk to these women and have even developed social anxiety like looking down constantly and sitting outside at family functions to avoid accusations. My wife says that she believes that they are attracted to me but I catch the heat for it. None of these women have ever said or done anything out of the way to make me feel like they have ill intentions. I love my wife and I intended on forever when I married her but this is hard on my psychological state.


Have you, at any point given her reasons to doubt you? Maybe you made remarks about another woman you fancied? Perhaps, you have openly told her things that you find attractive, traits that those women possess that she might not? Have you, whether gently or bluntly, told her things you wish she would do (dress a certain way, wear more makeup, be bubbly and outgoing, etc)? Have you flirted with females in the past, while with her (daying or married)? Possibly lied about non important things (white lies)? All of these things will eat away at a woman. She will assume you’re always looking for someone else, because these things make women feel disrespected and undesired.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

She does need to find more things to do, people to see, so she isn't sitting around overthinking everything. IT couldn't hurt to get her hormones checked out either. I'd also consider the questions in the post above to see if you have contributed to her insecurity. It seems to me that something is missing or something has changed that is making her suddenly question her trust in you.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

The real power move would be to prove her right.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> So you married a completely socially and emotionally-stunted woman and didn't know this BEFORE you said "I do?"
> 
> *Seriously????*


This. 

She's emotionally and socially stunted. I don't think you are going to change that. She needs to change that. 

Refusing to be part of her baseless accusations could spur her on to working on herself, but I don't think it's very likely.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

She is BAT CHIT plain and simple

Here are a couple of details where you haven’t established yourself as independent and it has allowed her to feel and act more in control of you:

You moved into the parents old place
You work for her family

I realize on the outside that doesn’t seem like too big a deal but that really isn’t a manly power play and considering the nature of your wife it just wraps more of her control blanket around you. I bet both those things were her idea.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

thunderchad said:


> The real power move would be to prove her right.


WHAT???

Exactly how is that being a powerful man at all? Sounds like a manipulative, immature toddler move to me.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> WHAT???


This was a joke.

But obviously this woman has mental issues and I'm not sure they are fixable.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Sounds to me like she has developed some kind of anxiety disorder..... These conditions can usually be treated with the right counseling and/or medications depending on what the specialist feels. 

You say she was not always like this. So I would absolutely suggest to encourage her to seek help and be there every step of the way to bring back the person who you knew before.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

It sounds like your wife is projecting her own insecurity on you.
I don't see a "nice" and non-upsetting way to solve this.
Since your wife won't get counseling how about you get it? Tell your counselor that you want to learn about boundaries and not allowing yourself to be drug through the mud because of your wife's insecurities.
When you become less manipulatable and you stop tolerating her abuse (yes, false accusations are abuse when they are constant) she will feel even more insecure and will get worse. At some point either you will have to have enough, or she will begin to change.
You teach people how to treat you by what you tolerate.

Sent from my SM-N975U using Tapatalk


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Damn dude! I know your pain. It got to the point I was about to leave my wife. Her issue was from previous unfaithful hubby who was serial cheater. Friends and family knew it and never told her. 

She has it in her mind that men could not control their selves. If another woman was game, then the man was GTG. Took years to break this in her. She says that she knows she acted so badly and is greatful I did not leave her. 

Your wife was not cheated on, so why act that way? Mental or does she have her eye on someone at work?


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## Peering_Within (8 mo ago)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> So you married a completely socially and emotionally-stunted woman and didn't know this BEFORE you said "I do?"
> 
> *Seriously????*


You are so nice to everyone She'sStillGotIt. Lovely.


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