# What if the grass is greener?



## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

I read "Not just friends" and there is a good amount of success when the AP is a rekindled romance from the past.... 

I've been reading posts for a while now and I've seen alot of people use "the grass isn't greener" saying for many different situations. I know that we say this to make people feel better about their situation. Of course the WS is in a "fog" and the BS wants this statement to be true. But what if the grass is greener on the other side?


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> I read "Not just friends" and there is a good amount of success when the AP is a rekindled romance from the past....
> 
> I've been reading posts for a while now and I've seen alot of people use "the grass isn't greener" saying for many different situations. I know that we say this to make people feel better about their situation. Of course the WS is in a "fog" and the BS wants this statement to be true. But what if the grass is greener on the other side?


Then the WS is in the delusion for a lifetime. Or, the WS and the AP deserve each other with all their baggages.

I understand that all human relationships and interactions come with a set of expectations. But if the WS is so egotistical that an already existing relationship can be thrown out for a new one, then the WS probably should not enter into a relationship again. A long term relationship means that you promise to stand by the person during good times and bad. If a bad time makes a WS search for greener pastures, then the WS was just being a prostitute, selling companionship for the highs from good times.


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

There's a pro-affair site that is a better place for questions like this. 

I think it would be *best* not to even consider what might be growing on the opposite side of the fence.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

And btw, I have nothing against prostitutes. They sell a service for which there is demand. They are lot better and honest than a WS, at least they don't pretend to care for you and then do one of the most hurtful things you can do to your life partner.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Ahhh I am not pro affair. I am actually a BS. I just know that there are BS, WS, and everything in between on this site. It is just a question...


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> Ahhh I am not pro affair. I am actually a BS. I just know that there are BS, WS, and everything in between on this site. It is just a question...


I feel sorry for you. But as everyone here always say, the grass is never greener on the other side. If the WS had put so much effort that went into the A to save the marriage, then none of us would have to be here.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

life101 said:


> none of us would have to be here.


Haha so true.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If the grass *is* greener on the other side then get the phuck off my lawn so I can plant more seed and add some plant food. Then don't come crawling back cuz my grass is alot more greener then the one you left me for.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

the guy said:


> If the grass *is* greener on the other side then get the phuck off my lawn so I can plant more seed and add some plant food. Then don't come crawling back cuz my grass is alot more greener then the one you left me for.


:iagree:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think if waywards are going to pull this crap then stay in the bed that they have made and don't come back asking for forgivness.

It also pisses me off when waywards sit of the fence...jump off and stay on my lawn or stay on someone else lawn...just get off the damb fence.....

Right?


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

At some point you have to pick a patch of lawn and stake your claim.

No relationship is perfect. There are rewards that come from commitment though. You don't get them unless you commit.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The words " pro affair" are so messed up, I can't even comprehend the meaning.

I mean, being here for so long, I hear time and a gain that the wayward made a mistake/confused or it was an exsit affair/bad marriage, but the whole concept of being pro affair is nuts. 

Granted I've gone over to doccool and read a few posts and it really is out there, but for the most part to poeple grow up wanting to be a cheater irregardless if it was a drunken mistake or a LTA during a bad marriage.

Sorry I got off topic but the words "pro affair" hit a nerve. LOL


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

the guy said:


> The words " pro affair" are so messed up, I can't even comprehend the meaning.
> 
> Sorry I got off topic but the words "pro affair" hit a nerve. LOL


If I use Google to search Doccool, the first three words are "Have an Affair". 

I wish *Anonymous* would take the site down.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

DrMathias said:


> If I use Google to search Doccool, the first three words are "Have an Affair".
> 
> I wish *Anonymous* would take the site down.


 I share this feeling. They should hack the site and expose the scum in real life. Maybe I will ask the people of 4chan to do that, just for the lulz.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

DrMathias said:


> If I use Google to search Doccool, the first three words are "Have an Affair".
> 
> I wish *Anonymous* would take the site down.


But then how would the waywards find that greener grass?:lol:

One thing about green grass (at least here in socal) is it is a b1tch to keep green and once it dies you have to start allover again. 

In the long run if you can commit to the lawn and water it and feed it it will last longer.

Speaking of prostitutes, one can always hire a landscape guy to keep a lawn green.:lol:

I love analogies...


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

I guess I was "blindsided" but upon further thought I realized that my WS was withdrawing and I let him assuming he would come back. He always had before. I also tried to talk to him about issues and he shut me out. His cyber affair was short lived and was more sexual than lovey dovey. I guess I am wondering if it would have gone on longer how far would it have gone. They live in different states but airplanes go everywhere...

Forgiving and forgetting takes alot of hard work, and my WS was only chatting nothing physical. Someone pointed out to me, on another thread that I am having an A with the notion of divorce. Wondering if the grass will be greener for him and me...


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I realize this is going to be a much hated perspective, but.... 

My parents were married for 25 years; happy for 6. They "stayed together for the kids" the other 19 vacillated between tolerance and misery. I can tell you seeing that had severe detrimental affects to my own relationships to this date. My mom wanted out when I was 4, and they divorced the month after I graduated HS. My dad had an affair in the end -- do I blame him? No. He ended up marrying his AP and is happier now than he ever was with my mom. Do I think he went about it the right way? Of course not... but if you are going to use the analogy of "can the grass be greener" then I would say in his case it was. I love both my mom and my step-mom... My parents are much better apart.

I also have a very good friend that also had an affair, married his AP and they have been together for 12 years. 

Let me be clear that I don't agree with or condone affairs, but some people lack the coping skills to know how to deal with life and the challenges that come with it.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Pepper123 said:


> I also have a very good friend that also had an affair, married his AP and they have been together for 12 years.


Of course, there are miserable marriages that should probably be ended. If you're unhappy, get a divorce and then go look for greener pastures. Searching for greener fields while still married is the coward's way out.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

I don't at all disagree...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LdyVenus said:


> I read "Not just friends" and there is a good amount of success when the AP is a rekindled romance from the past....
> 
> I've been reading posts for a while now and I've seen alot of people use "the grass isn't greener" saying for many different situations. I know that we say this to make people feel better about their situation. Of course the WS is in a "fog" and the BS wants this statement to be true. But what if the grass is greener on the other side?


Unless there are serious problems in a marriage (infidelity, spouse with serious financial issues, abuse, angry spouse, addictions), a person's unhappiness is generally caused by their own internal issues. If they cannot be happy in an otherwise good marriage, they probably will not be happy after they leave the marriage and are single.

To paraphrase Abe Lincoln.. a person is about as happy as they make up their mind to be.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Of course, the grass is greener. There is always someone better, stronger, faster, bigger. The question is"When am I satisfied?" "When is enough,enough?" Who am I, and what do I stand for? As a woman, you could go from man to man for the rest of your life untill death. For a normal man...not so much. I hope this answers your question David


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> I read "Not just friends" and there is a good amount of success when the AP is a rekindled romance from the past....
> 
> I've been reading posts for a while now and I've seen alot of people use "the grass isn't greener" saying for many different situations. I know that we say this to make people feel better about their situation. Of course the WS is in a "fog" and the BS wants this statement to be true. *But what if the grass is greener on the other side?*


Get some lawn feed for your own lawn?


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## life.is.pain (Aug 28, 2012)

the guy said:


> If the grass *is* greener on the other side then get the phuck off my lawn so I can plant more seed and add some plant food. Then don't come crawling back cuz my grass is alot more greener then the one you left me for.


Exactly....well said !!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrMathias (Nov 19, 2012)

Numbersixxx said:


> I share this feeling. They should hack the site and expose the scum in real life. Maybe I will ask the people of 4chan to do that, just for the lulz.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thought the exact same thing myself


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

DavidWYoung said:


> As a woman, you could go from man to man for the rest of your life untill death. For a normal man...not so much.


I'm pretty sure men are also capable of the same...

Also I thought that was what marriage was essentially about. You've found something that makes you happy and it is "enough", or just right for you. But apparently some people find it easier to cheat, lie, and avoid instead of working on what is wrong.


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## Lmodel (Jun 1, 2012)

life101 said:


> Then the WS is in the delusion for a lifetime. Or, the WS and the AP deserve each other with all their baggages.
> 
> I understand that all human relationships and interactions come with a set of expectations. But if the WS is so egotistical that an already existing relationship can be thrown out for a new one, then the WS probably should not enter into a relationship again. A long term relationship means that you promise to stand by the person during good times and bad. If a bad time makes a WS search for greener pastures, then the WS was just being a prostitute, selling companionship for the highs from good times.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

The grass isn't greener. It's all broken asphalt and dirt everywhere.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> The grass isn't greener. It's all broken asphalt and dirt everywhere.


And from the look of it my ex got her fill of road rash.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

bfree said:


> And from the look of it my ex got her fill of road rash.


LMAO 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I can't ever imagine the grass would ever be greener then what they are now. I have a wonderful husband and there is no other man that could come close to compare to him! I'm a very lucky wife!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

LdyVenus said:


> I read "Not just friends" and there is a good amount of success when the AP is a rekindled romance from the past....
> 
> I've been reading posts for a while now and I've seen alot of people use "the grass isn't greener" saying for many different situations. I know that we say this to make people feel better about their situation. Of course the WS is in a "fog" and the BS wants this statement to be true. But what if the grass is greener on the other side?


Then it is called hypergamy.

Most affairs are about a fantasy however. As they say the grass is greenest where it is watered.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

The grass always looks greener on the other side, but once you cross it, it isn't really all that greener!


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

I have always found that if the grass is that much greener it must mean that a substantial amount of manure has been applied.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

I've heard that Astroturf is really green too
.
.
.
.
.
AND FAKE AS HELL


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## WhatASituation (Sep 27, 2012)

Well I am the BS, and I have to agree with Pepper123. My parents divorced when I was 9, and my mom remarried a wonderful man and they held hands until the day he passed away. My mom was divorced but my step-dad was in a miserable marriage. They were together for almost 20+ years, and genuinely happy. For me, my spouse who stepped outside the marriage, I asked her if she found that happiness with the OM. She swears up and down no, but I am choosing to exit this relationship. I guess all I am saying, the grass can be greener on the other side but yes, I'm sure most A's are just greener due to manure.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

I am surprised to see that there are not many WS responses yet... :scratchhead:

How about for devastated BS's finding greener grass after finally letting go?


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

To cheat and carry on into a new relationship brings so many lies that it will almost inevitably self destruct. It may last a few years especially if the BS is engaging with one of the cheaters.[Don't do this] It gives them a common enemy and a corner to defend. 

Once the BS leaves the arena, the kids are no longer interested in the drama and especially when the BS starts an open and honest relationship a year [ two months in my case. lol] down the track then it all reveals itself to be rather tawdry and shallow. 

I suppose some can get past all the pain they have inflicted on people but the figures of success are statistically insignificant at the ten year mark. 

We can all find examples of the 97 year old smoker on 50 a day. Not so many point out the thousands of 40+ who died of a heart attack
Cheaters are very fond of this type of anecdotal evidence. and in that same study which gave a 97% failure rate at 5 years they found that at 10 years it was almost impossible to find couples who admitted to starting their life together in affair. They simply rewrite history over time. 

Except it isn't. 

I wish them all the happiness they deserve.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

LdyVenus said:


> I am surprised to see that there are not many WS responses yet... :scratchhead:
> 
> How about for devastated BS's finding greener grass after finally letting go?


You have to replant you know. 

All your left with is a muddy blackened field from the fight that ended your relationship.

To extend this metaphor..
Year one.
Dig up what is left of the lawn
Go over and over the soil, improving it always. Blood and bone is good. [stop it. don't go there!]
Plant fast growing flowers immediately.
Plant nutritious vegetables. 
Tidy up things you want to keep. Do a bit of grafting on the trees. 
Cut off dead wood.
Have parties that burn off all that dead wood inviting new friends and old friends if you want.
Reap the benefits of your garden. For you.

Year Two

Plant more longer lasting plants. Chilli. Asparagus. 

Refine your grafting.
Cut off more of the old limbs.
PLant more of what you like.
Stand back.. 
Look at your garden. Taste it.

Laugh as you dig up fresh potatoes, snip off some chives, strip a few leaves off the spinach and cook your new friend a meal. 
make her/him fresh strawberries and double cream, share this life. Live well..

You reap what you sow. 

now look at the lawns! Even the lush ones.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

The grass isn't greener. 
Why? 

Because the relationship isn't built to last. 

A relationship built out of cheating, stands on rocky footing. You don't love the person, you don't know them like you think you do, you just have lust. 
So you will be blindly jumping into the relationship areana with this person. 
Plus as we all know, if they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you. So then the karma bus will take a stop at your place in 5-10 years. 

Plus people cheat with losers. People working dead end jobs, people that live with their parents, people that work 60 hour weeks, people that do drugs, old high school sweet hearts, etc. 
None of those people will make a good room mate. But the WS suddenly thinks it is their soul mate. 

A relationship is like a house. It takes time and effort to build. 
And the WS thinks they can just magically transport their house from its current location to an entirely new location, and nothing will get in the way because it's love and that's how it works. 
Sorry WS, that is not how it works.


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

Juicer said:


> A relationship is like a house. It takes time and effort to build.
> And the WS thinks they can just magically transport their house from its current location to an entirely new location, and nothing will get in the way because it's love and that's how it works.
> Sorry WS, that is not how it works.



I like this


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

the grass only looks greener while in the fantasy world the affair partners have created, when it becomes a reality it's just grass.
when the affair partners are on their own and they have to fill all emmotional needs for their new love, their faults soon come to the surface and they finally know who they left their lives for.
suddenly the new grass is very disappointing and unappealing.
that's when karma hits them in the face.
they now feel stupid, it's a huge price to pay for fantasy.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

If the grass is too green doesn't that mean you have too much iron in the soil? Time for an iron leaching agent like phosphorous.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

It's just a line of sight trick. Look down at the grass under your feet, you'll see down to the dirt between the blades. Can't see all the way down to the ground when the grass is further away.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

the guy said:


> If the grass *is* greener on the other side then get the phuck off my lawn so I can plant more seed and add some plant food. Then don't come crawling back cuz my grass is alot more greener then the one you left me for.











Well, I don't think anyone's going to top this.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

LdyVenus said:


> I am surprised to see that there are not many WS responses yet... :scratchhead:
> 
> How about for devastated BS's finding greener grass after finally letting go?


If the grass is dying already, just leave. Find a new lawn to water on your own time and dime.

The grass is only greener because you stopped watering the current lawn. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out, but then again most cheaters are far from being called rocket scientists, REAL FAR.

LOL, btw I love your reply the_guy.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> I am surprised to see that there are not many WS responses yet... :scratchhead:
> 
> How about for devastated BS's finding greener grass after finally letting go?


That would be me. ex is still bitter, still using people and she not only hit the wall but it fell on her. Meanwhile I am now married to a wonderful understanding woman. I traded up big time!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I try to be objective about these things. My sister believes that her exH was having an affair for about 6 years under her nose. They divorced in 2001 and he's still with the same woman. So I assume he is happy with the relationship that he got.

I don't satisfy myself with these little platitudes. My exH had an affair and then dropped the woman like a hot potato when I filed for divorce..... but he wanted out anyway. 

What I think can make a difference is timing when a WS is sampling the population, or checking to see if the person wants them and just wants to cake eat. 

If my sister had been more observant, I don't know if she could have saved the marriage, but she could have pulled the financial rug out from under him...... he used the family budget to put his mistress through nursing school and bought her a house. I always wonder if he ever told my sister that they could not afford something either for her or for the kids during that time.

In my recent situation, I think my timing was good as I threatened to move on at a time when his EA had a boyfriend and well, no time for him. I'm glad he didn't need to think about it at all. 

I assume that if the fWS stays with fAP, then they must be happy. It's not for me to decide who's prettier or more interesting. Although a friend of mine has a very close female friend who cheated on her husband (who made $300K a year) and ran off with a starving artist. My friend said that when reality set in for her friend, she regretted her choice, I guess, somewhat. She's still with the guy.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

If it is indeed greener...More glory to them! SO what!? Letting me know, before letting me go, is the most important thing. But karma is and will always be a B!tch...No one can make karma greener. I told my spouse to go back to AP...She is the love of his life, the one he sacrificed me, his marriage and children for for 8 years. He knew the risks and he was willing to take every one of them for her sake. I told him since he found true love, he should not let it go...He's still here...I wonder why?


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## LdyVenus (Dec 1, 2012)

RightfulRiskTaker said:


> Letting me know, before letting me go, is the most important thing.



This has always been the way I see it as well. I don't like sharing.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

It’s always possible it is greener....

You always have to be honest with yourself. What you see is only what they are willing to share, and a lot of what you hope it’d be like.. It is a view they have specifically manipulated to please you and attract you. It is the best of the best. And you’ve groomed yourself to only see what supports the fantasy of your own hopes and paint your best picture for him. 

What isn’t seen is the stuff they don’t have to show you. What you could turn a blind eye toward once becoming part of the landscape is hard to ignore. Think of it in these terms: Assuming you are married and looking, and they are too.... aren’t you both ignoring the simple fact that your greener pasture is occupied by someone who isn’t concerned or respectful of the vows marriage? Isn’t that counter-intuitive to a primary character traits of someone you’d want to marry someday? Isn’t their current marriage in trouble, and you are seeing it “green” instead of a sign that they can’t keep theirs alive? Shouldn’t that say a bit about how good they are at making relationships work? It’s a fantasy...... you are only seeing and projecting what you want, not reality.


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

LdyVenus said:


> But what if the grass is greener on the other side?


Then the grounds keeper needs to do a better job.

T


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

The issue is not about the grass being greener. People break up over a lot of reasons. It is the deception that is the problem.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Juicer said:


> Plus people cheat with losers. People working dead end jobs, people that live with their parents, people that work 60 hour weeks, people that do drugs, old high school sweet hearts, etc.
> None of those people will make a good room mate. But the WS suddenly thinks it is their soul mate.
> .


It doesn't always go like this. Not all affair partners are cheaters and losers. 



And I agree with warlock. The grass could indeed be greener on the other side but at least be honest about it without the need of cheating and deception.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Did any BS ever think that if it weren't for you, they would not be so compelled to connect? A majority of their conversations were about you, how awful you were that WS needed a friend to listen and AP picked up the phone to listen? 90% of their conversations were about you, where you were, what time you left, what time you come home, where you are going, how long you will be gone...Greener grass? What happens when they have no more "you" to plan around and talk about and they are left to face their own demons? Greener weeds.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

life101 said:


> If the WS had put so much effort that went into the A to save the marriage, then none of us would have to be here.


Well said my friend. I've been a little over 2 yrs since dday and 6 months since our divorce. But that little statement you just said helped put one of those nagging questions I ask myself from time to time... to rest. Thanks.


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