# Silent Punishment



## daisy3 (Jan 6, 2012)

Hello All! First time poster here...

My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and when I do or say something he does not like, it usually results in me receiving the silent treatment for an indefinite period of time. The silence ranges from a couple or three days to more than 4 weeks.

This latest episode is four days and counting. The reason is that I am not doing the household chores up to his standards, time-wise. You see, we have a chore schedule where all chores are split. There are daily chores like cooking and dish washing, and then there are other chores that are done less frequently (once per month). These chores are to be completed on the weekends. I despise chores, but I still get them done - the problem is that sometimes I skip a weekend chore and try to double up the following weekend. Sometimes in a bad month I'll end up missing two weekend chores. The day to day chores always get done, however. I also do extra things occasionally that are not on the chore "list". I also tend to be quite thorough with chores (I have to admit, more thorough than he, who seems to treat them only as items to be checked off - this does not bother me, however), so I'm not too terribly lazy.

Each time I miss chores, I get silence. Last month between getting the house ready for Thanksgiving visitors and traveling out of town for Christmas holidays, I just did not feel like cleaning when weekend came. I just wanted to relax. This was not acceptable to him. 

Okay, this was way longer than I intended for it to be. Thanks to those who managed to get through the entire confusing post. I don't feel like I am wrong. I feel that my husband is not happy unless he gets his way. However, I could be wrong and am looking for insight.


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## blondali (Jan 6, 2012)

This sounds like manipulative and controlling behaviour, although I believe chores should be shared equally and done in a timely manner, I don't think there are many people in this world that are so anal that they would punish you with days of silent treatment! Quite frankly I find this nehaviour extremely immature! He sounds like he is acting like a spoilt brat who is not getting his own way. What would be more productive is to remind you that the chore has not been done and give you the opportunity to give a new timeframe if the current one is not realistic! At the end of the day if he is so concerned that something has not been done, why doesn't he just do it himself! It does not sound to me like you are the lazy one!


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You may not like what I am saying. I dont believe in this whole chore sharing. Like this is my job and this is yours. But if it has to be for it to get done decide on a different kind of punishment than the one you are getting more acceptable to you.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I think that the silent treatment is cruel and immature. I also think having a deadline on chores is ridiculous.

I gave the silent treatment to my wife once over a 30 year span. I was incredibly angry and felt that it would be better to say nothing than to lash out.
It hurt her so bad that I swore I would never do it again.


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## daisy3 (Jan 6, 2012)

Thanks for the replies everyone. I admit that although in general I am not the greatest at staying on schedule with chores, Sept through Dec were especially bad. I started a new job over the summer and it became extremely demanding, and I also questioned whether or not I made the right decision to take the job. As a result I became extremely depressed and did not feel like doing much of anything outside of work. In addition, I had additional commitments due to extracurricular activities that I am engaged in, so energy was pretty much sapped and I could not bring myself to exercise, clean, or do much more beyond what absolutely had to be done. Then, there was vacation planning, going on vacation; as I mentioned preparing for Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. However, the cleaning got done eventually. 

I have seen him go through the house and finish dusting in five minutes - no exaggeration. It takes me about 20 to finish dusting, so I KNOW he is not being thorough. He also does not clean out sinks and clean off the mirror when he does the bathroom cleaning, but I don't care. I figure, I'll catch what is missed when it is my turn. It isn't for me to stand over someone's shoulder and tell them they aren't doing a good job. I know the effort is there. When I have brought this up in the past, it was only to defend myself against his attacks against me, but he did not want to hear this at all. He shut down again as a defense, which leads me to believe he is okay with criticizing me, but it is not okay for me to criticize him.

Now, he has completely shut down and is refusing to do anything. He comes home, does some stuff on the computer and goes to bed. He isn't doing a single chore. The last thing he said to me was "you do what you want, and I'll do what I want". He refused to elaborate. I think this is completely unfair.

Anyway, I'm probably going to be leaving this weekend, because I'm tired of putting up with this behavior.


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## insomnia255 (Dec 4, 2011)

I did silent treatments with my wife then when she seperated and did them on me i realised that its really cruel and horrible. Both of you see a marriage counsellor and save and improve your marriage. Seperating and divorce is worse then hell


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