# She wants me to be more aggressive



## tele (Jun 2, 2014)

Here I go,

My wife wants me to be more aggressive to her. I can be aggressive but I am not sure how to get it started and the timing. 

Need some pointers. 

I know she wants me to take charge to show her I am the man for her.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

1) Get in better physical shape, and don't just do cardio but also build muscle. This will make you more aggressive without even trying.

2) This has been hard for me to learn, but women's idea of "aggressive" is slightly different than men's. I think guys hear this and they think "do it like a pornstar" like just jackhammer away. Not that you should never do this, but only at the right moment. A lot of women like a guy who simultaneously asserts himself and shows control -- you take charge but you still don't move too fast or frantically.


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## tele (Jun 2, 2014)

I agree with the take control. 

What other tips are out there. I know every women is different.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

My longstanding never fulfilled fantasy is to have my husband seductively push me against the wall or whatever and just start kissing me all over my neck and body while holding my hands lightly. 

Not too aggressive...just enough to show me he wants me badly. 

Maybe start small like that?


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## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> My longstanding never fulfilled fantasy is to have my husband seductively push me against the wall or whatever and just start kissing me all over my neck and body while holding my hands lightly.
> 
> Not too aggressive...just enough to show me he wants me badly.
> 
> Maybe start small like that?


My wife loves the same thing.... :iagree:

I hold her hands over her head while I start the kissing...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Mrs. John Adams said:


> Details and sb...that is hot!


lol that's mild...you should see the things in my head that I don't post


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

ROFL Maybe some day I'll write a steamy blog about it


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> lol that's mild...you should see the things in my head that I don't post


I have started learning some of that with my wife. A whole lot more there than I realized, but a heck of a lot of fun discovering it.

We got there by me doing a couple of light things and seeing how she reacted. Holding her hand above her head while I am above her on the bed. Telling her what to do in bed rather than asking. Essentially starting out at being more insistent, and then when she reacts well, continuing. 

Do realize that there are things you will try that she does not like. Don't let that stop you if you are otherwise getting good results.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

aggressive can mean a number of things. Some ideas

Sex in the kitchen...she is in her bathrobe, pouring some coffee, you slide in behind her, slide her bathrobe open from behind....kiss her passionately from behind, play with her body, pull her up and plant her on a table and....

She is outside, working on the garden...kind of open, but secluded too, you start to rub her legs, up her thigh, then inside of her thigh, pretend like nothing is going on to any passerby, but start to build the excitement....

You are traveling down the highway, the traffic is not too heavy, you slide your hand along her leg, up her thigh, start to massage....

In other words, nothing you could not do in the bedroom, but the unexpected nature or it, and the semi public or unusual place it is happening...brings a whole new level of excitement to the sex

Good luck, and tell us how it all works out!


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## tele (Jun 2, 2014)

All,

These are great idea's. thank you very much for the help.

Sex has been a little slow in our lives lately and we need to spice it up a bit. By her telling me this, it is making think of her more and desire her more. 

I can picture some of your idea's in my head. 

She is longing to be desired, wanted and chased. This is a good start.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

I like it when my husband takes me without seeming to give a flying f8ck about whether I'm enjoying it or not. I know, I know--that sounds counter so much of the advice you hear about pleasing a woman in bed. 

But being too solicitous can be a turn off. Do it like don't care if she likes it or not. Be selfish. And then, *after* you've had your way, make sure she gets a mind blowing orgasm.

I'm not saying do it like this every time, but a man who takes control and then just devours his woman . . . mmmmmmm, yum.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

pull her hair. not like a girl fight hair pull. Rather, run your fingers through her hair from the back of her neck up, get your hand right up against the skull, grab. it doesn't even have to be hard. You may find out she wants it to be hard, however.

You'll know by the tone of her "ugh".


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

GettingIt said:


> I like it when my husband takes me without seeming to give a flying f8ck about whether I'm enjoying it or not. I know, I know--that sounds counter so much of the advice you hear about pleasing a woman in bed.
> 
> But being too solicitous can be a turn off. Do it like don't care if she likes it or not. Be selfish. And then, *after* you've had your way, make sure she gets a mind blowing orgasm.
> 
> I'm not saying do it like this every time, but a man who takes control and then just devours his woman . . . mmmmmmm, yum.


my wife is the same way. after the first time I tried it, she was more than forthcoming in the post-coital debrief. 

So, whatever you do/don't do, make sure you chat about it afterward.


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## Sportsfan7000 (Jan 21, 2014)

My wife likes it when I am assertive and just take her how ever I want. It took sometime to get to that because she didn't want to ask me to and I was treating her like my delicate sweet wife. Now if it seems like she wants me to be a more aggressive(not always the way she wants it, depends on the mood) I will pick her up and move her where and how I want. She LOVES when I pick her up and toss her around! She also likes it when I hold her arms down or just hold her in place while I do what ever I feel like doing. Lots of fun but as I said it can be a bit different at first because even though I enjoy being a bit rough and forceful I sure as hell have never wanted to actually hurt or force anything on a woman most of all not the love of my life. We are at a great spot now though she really gets off on it and I enjoy it very much. It's a lot of things I had also fantasized about and while I was wishing I could do it like that so was she. Win Win!!


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Give her a couple of occasional smacks on the ass too when you're behind her. Not hard enough to hurt her but hard enough for her to notice.


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

dubsey said:


> my wife is the same way. after the first time I tried it, she was more than forthcoming in the post-coital debrief.
> 
> So, whatever you do/don't do, make sure you chat about it afterward.


I'll second the importance of communication--her feedback is gold, get as much of it as you can. Like dubsey says, right after when you're sweaty and full of endorphins is a good time. Another time I'm fairly, ah, uninhibited with voicing my desires is when he's pounding the heck of of me while growling orders in my ear to tell him what I like. 

Start slow and build your way up--and have a good time with it. If you're nervous and tentative, she'll sense it, so go at a pace that you can pull off confidently. You'll get to the point where you can push the envelope and read her reaction fairly well. 

It's good that she was able to ask you for this--if you can communicate freely, most of the battle is won.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Aggression for men and women are soooo different, lol. Don't ram her up against the wall so hard she hurts herself or slap her around - she wants you to "make" her have sex with you. 

I love it when hubby "makes" me...I can be washing dishes, or folding washing and he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. Sometimes he'll take my hands and yank whatever I'm holding away from me and throw it down...*shivers...oooooh* he'll tell me we ARE having sex and we're having it NOW. I LOVE IT!!!!!

Sometimes in bed he'll put me where he wants me and "make" me do something...love that too 

I can do this because I know that if I'm not comfortable I can say stop and he will immediately - I can give myself to him completely because I know I'm safe with him, and he knows my boundaries.

He did struggle with this at first, because like another poster, he was treating me like his precious, delicate wife, lol...I told him I wanted him to be more aggressive sometimes. He's very good at reading me too - he knows when I just need slow and gentle, or when I'm super frisky and want him to take me - now.

God I wish he was due home soon, I need a cold shower now!!!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

It does depend on what aggressive means to her and she will need to help communicate that. 

I love when my husband is 'aggressive/passionate' - he doesn't say a word, kisses me intensely, we end up on the floor, ripped tights, that kind of thing. 

He takes the lead with changing positions or saying what's going to happen next. He also picks up on my cues - verbal or otherwise - while in the moment. It's exciting while still being comfortable as I know I can trust him. A simple look and a laugh between us can flip the script if so desired. An element of humor and lightheartedness can go a long way, especially if trying something new together.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

tele said:


> She is longing to be desired, wanted and chased. This is a good start.


Do you flirt with her? Date her?


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Aggression for men and women are soooo different, lol. Don't ram her up against the wall so hard she hurts herself or slap her around - she wants you to "make" her have sex with you.
> 
> I love it when hubby "makes" me...I can be washing dishes, or folding washing and he comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me. Sometimes he'll take my hands and yank whatever I'm holding away from me and throw it down...*shivers...oooooh* he'll tell me we ARE having sex and we're having it NOW. I LOVE IT!!!!!
> 
> ...


Yup! That's exactly what GF wants when she says she wants me to be more aggressive.

Struggled with that too after so many years of the more vanilla variety


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

EasyPartner said:


> Yup! That's exactly what GF wants when she says she wants me to be more aggressive.
> 
> Struggled with that too after so many years of the more vanilla variety


EP, do you think if you had been more aggressive with your wife, she might not have left you?


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## WillinTampa (Jun 18, 2014)

What works for us:

It starts with the kiss -- put your hand around her waist and pull her to you. Then your other hand on the side of her face and kiss her long and passionate. Then gently push her to the bed and go from there.

She wants to feel desired.

As for exercise -- Yes, build up your arms. Men need to do this. My doctor told me that the best thing I could do for myself at my age was build my arms. It strengthens your neck and upper back, as well.

But, also, it seems women really like strong arms. My marriage has problems right now, but my wife still likes to hold on to my arms. 

As a side benefit, I was in a fender-bender and the guy got out of his car yelling and jumping around. When I got out, I didn't have to say a word, he shut up real quick -- that felt good. 

So, yes, men -- build muscle and get strong. She'll like it and you'll get an added respect that might surprise you.

.


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## EasyPartner (Apr 7, 2014)

jld said:


> EP, do you think if you had been more aggressive with your wife, she might not have left you?


No jld, she was a bit LD and selfconscious about her body. Don't know why, I thought she was beautiful (in the eye of the beholder, I know).

Not really open to new things, toys, more exotic places, the groping and right here right now thing my gf likes so much.... tried it all. Even my australian kiss got turned down regularly.

So no, would be the answer to your question. 

Gf is quite the polar opposite of her in many respects. Most of them good.


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## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Tele - don't forget sex starts with a woman's brain long before you're in the bedroom. 

All these physical acts are great, but don't forget to play the mind games too. My wife has absolutely never refused me when I tell her she's having sex. 4 or 5 hours before the kids go to sleep, I'll pick out an outfit, put it on the bed and say "after the kids go to bed, I'm going to shower. I left something out and I will meet you in the bedroom. Wear it". I never ask for sex. I'll talk shît about it all day then. 

Subtle things work too. If she asks you what you want for dinner, tell her. Don't be like "what ever you want". I mean tell her too. Say "yeah you know that meatball dish, yep. That". 

Be the first to discipline the kids. In my house, if my oldest gets in trouble, I'll go in and reinforce my wife even after she's doled out the punishment. I don't say a lot. Or engage the kids, but my word, final. 

Your wife has given you the green light! Start working on that husband game. Maybe even get a safe word. Tell her "I'm going to push your limits". You may find she has much greater limits than you thought but her nice girl, anti-slût shield has kept her from expressing it. So it started with "I want you to be more aggressive"

It's a subtle balance, you want to project "I take what I want" but not "I'm an ogre". 

Married man sex life primer is a great read in this regard. I also recommend watching game of thrones together.


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