# Guys opinion please...



## torani (May 6, 2013)

My partner occasionally talks about his co-workers...

He has mentioned a hot girl where he works, but that he thinks she is a real b!tch.... he also says she is a ***** to him. He has always given me the impression that he doesn't like this girl to much. 

I didn't think much about this until the other day I came home for lunch and my partner was also home for lunch. He was loading a tire in his truck. When I asked about the tire, did he get a flat or something, he said no that this same girl I am referring to at work needed a new tire for her truck, so he came home to get one that he had to give to her... 

Do men do this for people they supposedly don't like? I cant help but wonder if he is really attracted to her but just doesn't want me to know so he tells me that he doesn't like her... Im confused. I wouldn't go out of my way to help a man or woman if he or she was mean to me.... 

Honest feedback appreciated... thanks...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

He could be honest with you because he's too busy lying to himself.

I would not make that effort for someone I hate.

It's like that old joke: what is the difference between a slvt and a b*tch?

The first will sleep with anyone. The later will sleep with anyone BUT YOU.

So his hate was probably predicated on her indifference to him. That has changed..or he is trying to change it...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One of my brothers-in law talked about a couple of women at work that way. He ended up having affairs with them. He left my sister for the second one and is married to her now. 

I think that this kind of talk is a way for them to hide their feelings from their wife. Actions speak a lot louder than words. You husband has no business taking his lunch hour to get her a tire and help her.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Yeah, not saying that this a clearly one thing or another, but my wife developed a sincere hatred for a co-worker...that just didn't seem to be steeped in any concrete reason...but later admitted that they began to start up an EA but she blew him off when she found he was not as desirable as she originally thought..which sparked off negative tension. Boy, do I feel like an idiot not seeing that.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

He wants to do her.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Yh sorry actions don't words don't measure up with actions, plus a lot of time calling someone a b**** or s*** is just trying to throw there partner off scent.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband would only offer a free tire or give something away to a women he liked at work and there is one... he speaks very highly of her.. he would never do that for someone he complained about.... male or female. 

Yeah....the husband is downplayin! I agree with Elegirl....ACTIONS speak louder than HIS words to describe her...you don't do favors for those you don't like....unless they have the power to give you a raise.....in this case...maybe a RISE.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

"Hating" without a substantial reason means to be spiteful because he is being rejected and is not seen with the same eye he sees the other woman he pretends to hate.

He's putting on a show and covering the traces of his inner-deep desire to touch and do her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Often it's the *****y women guys work hardest to please, especially if the guy is a nice guy. Is he a nice guy?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Asked my husband and he said no he would not do this.

He might change her tire if it were flat but he'd do that for anyone because he's nice.

He wouldn't go out of his way though.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Shaggy said:


> Often it's the *****y women guys work hardest to please, especially if the guy is a nice guy. Is he a nice guy?


I would say yes he is a nice guy to people who are nice to him, but he is typically brutally harsh with people that he doesn't care for and sometimes even those he does care for... I have observed that He has a hard time making friends due to his lack of empathy for others most times... I have accepted this about his personality so its natural for me to see people get easily offended by him at times. I just chalk it up to everyone has their own way about them...


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Asked my husband and he said no he would not do this.
> 
> He might change her tire if it were flat but he'd do that for anyone because he's nice.
> 
> He wouldn't go out of his way though.


Thank you for asking, much appreciated!


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

I really do appreciate all the feedback so thank you everyone...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I have worked with people that I didn't like, some I even detested. and in time came to like and respect them.

I wouldn't leap to the conclusion that he was doing this simply because she is physically attractive, familiarity goes a long way to building relationships of all sorts, and if I new a coworker could use help I would offer it, regardless of their personality - so long as they didn't treat me disrespectfully.

Now if he still says that he dislikes her after changing her tire, he is downplaying it, but is it because he has something to hide or is it just simply to avoid facing what he told you about this person (that he changed his mind and actually likes this person)?


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

I may be in the minority on this one but here is my logic.

Can you think someone is both "hot" and a "*****"? I sure can!

Can you have a good working relationship with someone even if they are a *****? I sure have!

Can you go out off your way to help people even if they are "just" a co-worker / neighbor / stranger? I sure do!

OP, you should know your partner better than anybody else. 
Is he the type that will go the extra mile to help a stranger let alone someone he knows? If so you could have nothing to fear.
If however he is the sort who will only do a favor if he thinks there is something in it for him then you do have a problem (apart from him being selfish that is).


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

LOL...I always get a giggle when the thread's are titled things like "I need a guy's opinion" or something like such, and the ladies just CANNOT help but to respond!! :rofl:

Oh...don't worry guys, you do it in the Ladies Lounge, too!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Whatever happened to "kill with kindness"? 

I realize that everyone's first instinct when a guy does something for a woman is that he wants to get in her pants but maybe, just maybe, he's being nice because he's a nice guy?


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## Keeponrollin (May 14, 2013)

I am a nice guy sometimes too nice so would i change a tire for a co-worker, sure.

Would i drive home, put one in my truck and drive back WITHOUT informing my wife if i was married..HELL NO!!! 

He trying too hard for someone he says is ***** to him at work, something is not jiving.


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## ravioli (Jan 23, 2013)

This is a major major red flag:

Here's why. Men love to have sex with bit*hes. Why? because they want to F**k the attitude right out of them. It's a sexual conquest type of thing. It doesn't matter how much of a b**** this woman is, the only thing that matters is if she is really attractive. I know men that hated their female bosses but would jump at the meat like a dog if she tossed her kitty his way.

Keep an eye on your husband. He's going out of his way to help someone he claims he doesn't like. It just makes the sex even hotter when you have sex with someone you previously hated. You're able to get a lot of aggression out. Your husband is not fooling anyone.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Chris Taylor said:


> Whatever happened to "kill with kindness"?
> 
> I realize that everyone's first instinct when a guy does something for a woman is that he wants to get in her pants but maybe, just maybe, he's being nice because he's a nice guy?


Well, to give you an example, this weekend my 14 yr old poured gasoline into the oil of the lawn mower... Yes, that is bad... Im the type of mom that believes if my child breaks something then its my job to take care of it financially.. That's the rule, we don't break other peoples things and then just say sorry oh well. We are responsible as parents to fix what our children break if it belongs to someone else... Yes its my partners lawn mower and he was very angry, even accused my son of doing it on purpose.. Not the case... but whatever. the key got left on and also needed a new battery. I told my partner I would take responsibility for fixing it, if it was possible he told me I needed to get a new battery also. My son left the key on and killed the battery too.. ouch ouch ouch for me and my pocket book... I asked my partner what type of battery I should get today, he told me to figure it out. When I asked how to replace the battery he told me to follow the instructions.... then stormed out the door....

Yeah, mr. nice guy gives the girl at work a free tire meanwhile, instructs his 8 mo pregnant partner to figure it out.. 

this morning was a huge eye opener for me....


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

torani said:


> I asked my partner what type of battery I should get today, he told me to figure it out. When I asked how to replace the battery he told me to follow the instructions.... then stormed out the door....
> 
> Yeah, mr. nice guy gives the girl at work a free tire meanwhile, instructs his 8 mo pregnant partner to figure it out..
> 
> this morning was a huge eye opener for me....


Sorry hon. 

That's right. Keep your eyes open. This guy is way out of line.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

At this point, my attitude is that he can just have the b**** he works with.... they may be a good fit for each other... 

and today, I think my kids and I deserve better than what we are getting....


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

How long you been with this guy? If that's how he treats you and your son maybe it is time to move on...


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## donkey_punch (Jan 15, 2013)

That's not normal. If he hates her then why do it? maybe he is getting something in return...


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

Lon said:


> How long you been with this guy? If that's how he treats you and your son maybe it is time to move on...


Hi Lon, we have been together 5 years. 2 of those years he was in Afghanistan, 1 year living apart in different states and the past two years trying to live together.... 

He used to be so wonderful to me and my son... the last two years have been pretty tough.... now we have one son together and a little girl on the way...


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

Hes gaslighting.....hes trying to tell you something...hes guilty....

Who changes a tire for a co worker and go out of way to go home....I mean come on....some people will make and excuse to get someone coffee.....getting out of a tire situation should be easy.....

My ex did this....worked at a place...said all the men were scummy there...and the girls were calling her names......she kept op the routine after I found out and didn't tell her I knew.....said this one guy bothers her...well that guy turned out to Be romeo


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## imsohurt (May 13, 2013)

Also ifyou are not familiar with gaslighting as a term....learn it quick...and you wont have to post such questions about how his words don't match his behavior.....its the #1 trick of manipulators....

I am not deceptive....so I never knew of such things....as I keep my word and don't lie....other people gaslight like crazy...in fact if I catch them doing it once now....they are done


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

No way would I go out of my way for someone that was a ***** to me. 

The tire on top of how he talks of her is a red flag.

The way he is acting about helping you with things in the meantime...

Hate to jump to conclusions as it might be that he has come to like or respect her, it might be that he is stressed with things.

Or it could well be that he is either hooking up with her or wants/is trying to.

You are right to have your eyes open right now. Whatever the reason, something isn't adding up to a happy marriage.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I hope things turn around for your torani.

Lift the seat or the hood of the mower to find the battery.

THere may be a clamp or lip screwed down to hold down the battery. It will need to be loosened.

BEFORE YOU TAKE IT OUT, TAKE A PICTURE OR TWO ON A CELL PHONE. Now you know what it should look like after you put it back in.

The red terminal is to the positive. The black is to the negative.

There are Right hand and Left hand batteries for lawn mowers. The battery will have an R or an L written on it. This is important information because the wires will be specific lengths to go to proper terminals.

Please note: take OUT the battery (you might need a cresent wrench to do it) and BRING IT WITH YOU to the store. There is a 'core exchange' cost which will lower the price of the new battery. The sales people can look at the battery and give you exactly what you need. The steps you took to get it out, reverse to get it back in. 

I hope this gets to you in time to help you.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

JCD said:


> I hope things turn around for your torani.
> 
> Lift the seat or the hood of the mower to find the battery.
> 
> ...


Thanks JCD, I went ahead and drained the oil, replaced both filters, replaced the battery, (the cell phone picture was helpful, they knew exactly what to give me at the small engine repair store from that, battery and oil ) filled it up with new oil and gas. It started and runs good so far...

However, when I pull the knob to engage the blades it kills it immediately... Any ideas for me on that one?

Also, my partner says because I didn't flush the crankcase, whatever that is, with fresh oil, that its not fixed correctly. 

lol... this is why I am in sales and not a mechanic... I have no idea what a crankcase even is, first I have ever heard of it...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Guys opinion please...*



torani said:


> Thanks JCD, I went ahead and drained the oil, replaced both filters, replaced the battery, (the cell phone picture was helpful, they knew exactly what to give me at the small engine repair store from that, battery and oil ) filled it up with new oil and gas. It started and runs good so far...
> 
> However, when I pull the knob to engage the blades it kills it immediately... Any ideas for me on that one?
> 
> ...


I have an idea on what to do about the knob (the one on the mower): nothing. Not your problem, you've remedied the problem and have gone beyond any obligation you may have felt about accidentally adding gas to the oil. You drained the oil and changed the filter, flushing the crank case with more fresh oil is just a waste of oil, money and time, whatever trace amount is left in there won't pose a problem. If you doubt me then go ask the guys at the small engine repair shop.

As for the other knob, tell him to fix his own stuff if he doesn't like the way you do it. Geesh!


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

Lon said:


> As for the other knob, tell him to fix his own stuff if he doesn't like the way you do it. Geesh!


:rofl: :iagree:

Love that turn of phrase Lon!


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

torani said:


> Hi Lon, we have been together 5 years. 2 of those years he was in Afghanistan, 1 year living apart in different states and the past two years trying to live together....
> 
> He used to be so wonderful to me and my son... the last two years have been pretty tough.... now we have one son together and a little girl on the way...


This really filled in an important backdrop to his behavior. He acted more nourishing of the relationship when you weren't living together.

The last two years are a better guage of what marriage to him is like. He seems to harbor real resentment towards you but is Mr. Eager Beaver with this skank at work. 

Isn't that the opposite of what marriage should look like?


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