# Please read



## InvalidEntry (Mar 15, 2013)

I actually googled this site and read some threads.. I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about it so here goes.

I am almost have been married for almost two decades.. I have two children both are below the age of 12. I met my wife literally by going into the mall and talking to the first woman that I saw.. I was barely 19 years old and was about to leave to go to bootcamp. Simply put, I did not want to be alone. 8 months later we were married. From day 1 our marriage has been difficult at best, and at it's worst it's been brutal.. In the military, my job was to see the really bad stuff and I did not (nor do I now) know how to leave it at the "work site". I was cold and isolated myself for many years because it was the only way I knew to deal with my demons. My wife didn't know how to deal with that and up until 5 years ago was abusive towards me. She always knew I would never hit her back and I guess used that. In retrospect, I guess she was begging for attention.

Fast forward to today and I am broken. I watch couples who kiss each other and desire the other's company and I desperately want that. I've always known that I married the wrong person.. Honestly, I'v stayed due to my children and the thought of devestating her shreds me at the moment.. The love I have for her is because she is the mother of my children and that I've spent my entire adult life with her. Frankly, I am not in love with her and do not think I ever have been.. I didn't want to be alone and was young and well, stupid. I don't know what to do.. I hurt inside everyday of my life and yearn to feel that. We've had counseling and it always comes back to where I am right now.. I desperately, want to be love and at times, feel stupid for thinking this. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

How old are you both? How long together?

Why do you not get any thing out of counseling? Do both of you follow the counselor's lead or instructions? Who's giving up you or her?

What reads about marriage have you done? 

What does she say/think about the relationship? Is she as disillusioned as you?


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

I take it you are roughly 39 years old.. You don't say much about your wife or how she feels about you.

If you are absolutely committed to not ever being able to love her the way you want to love someone I would suggest you sit with her and explain.

You both are too young to spend another 30+ years together if there is nothing there emotionally to bond you two together.

I hate to have to suggest that to you, but it's all I have.

I hope also that you can go to the VA and talk with them about your demons.

If those never get addressed you are going to carry that into your next relationship.. don't kid yourself.

Good luck from another vet.


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## InvalidEntry (Mar 15, 2013)

anchorwatch said:


> How old are you both? How long together?
> 
> Why do you not get any thing out of counseling? Do both of you follow the counselor's lead or instructions? Who's giving up you or her?
> 
> ...


Thank you for the reply.

I have PTSD and it's really revealed itself the past couple of years.. The counselors have said that my wife should be sensitive when I go through "cycles" and reminded me that she is human and will not always do that.. For instance, I have bad flashbacks, we actually went to a movie tonight and I had one in the theater and she let out a big "sigh" and slid away from me. She's tired of it and to an extent me. She feels she needs to numb herself to survive with me. I cannot be in large crowds and she's a social person so it's really driven a wedge between us for many years. 

I do go to the VA 3 times a week and also group sessions.. I am on medication for the nightmares as well as the "social anxiety". 


Thank you.


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## Bad_Wife! (Mar 12, 2013)

Wanting to love and be loved is not stupid. If I've understood you correctly, it's likely that you will never have the kind of relationship that you want with your current wife. Perhaps you should stop trying so hard, then, to fix this marriage. Go your own way. Put your efforts into taking care of yourself so that someday you can have the healthy, loving relationship you want and deserve.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Bad_Wife! said:


> Wanting to love and be loved is not stupid. If I've understood you correctly, it's likely that you will never have the kind of relationship that you want with your current wife. Perhaps you should stop trying so hard, then, to fix this marriage. Go your own way. Put your efforts into taking care of yourself so that someday you can have the healthy, loving relationship you want and deserve.


Just be a straight up man and tell your old lady your plans.

You do diserve good things, its how you acheive them that makes you worth your salt!


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

You are miserable and she probably is too. And likely not a good environment or the kids. Time to move on. And stay with counseling.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> You are miserable and she probably is too. And likely not a good environment or the kids. Time to move on. And stay with counseling.



If you both are miserable and there is no chance of getting better then make a plan to get out. The plan should definitely include you improving yourself anyway that you can. It is very important that you diligently pursue that improvement; no excuses! Hopefully your wife will do the same. *Your children would be better off with two improved parents that are separated than two parents that are together and are miserable.*


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## thatgirl12 (Mar 18, 2013)

Please leave, I know it sounds harsh, but I have a thread on here too, and I am your wife. I HATE my husband. I made fun of him when we were friends and somehow we ended up dating then married before he deployed. We have a small little boy together, and I am afraid every day that he will grow up knowing how I feel. I stay too only for my son. We got married at 18 and 21, and now are 22 and 25. I can't wait to graduate and leave. I know the pain you feel because I see it all the time, but I know also how your wife got to that point...the constant neglect for years, followed by the I'm sorry years later. I don't know if I will ever forgive him.


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