# Ok so I can't be the only one



## helloitsme (Oct 22, 2008)

I have been reading about other peoples problems all night and they don't seem much different than my own. But why does it not make me feel any better.

Two weeks ago this Sunday my husband told me he did not love me anymore and wanted to move on and see other people and start a new life. He said that he married to young and did not live at all before we got married. It would have been 19 years together 3 days after he left.

I feel so alone and don't know what to do... my life walked out that day. 

The hardest part is that on the very first weekend he was at a girls (she flirts with him all the time) birthday party at the next door neighbours yard. No alley between our place and the neibhours just a fence. He spent the night (its not her house and she did not spend the night) He was going to talk to me that Sunday morning, and I was up at 4:am so at 9:am I called and woke them all up. Ok so a little dirty on my part, but it did feel kind of good. Oh he has been there every weekend since.

We had an ok but nothing talk I did most of the talking trying to figure out what the heck was happening and he just cleaning his laptop stand. He left to go to his parents for Thanksgiving dinner gave a hug the first real one in years... and I was alone with all my thoughts and feelings and not knowing what to do next.

We have talked some and he keeps trying to move forward (way to fast for me) and I keep asking him to slow down that I am not even at the starting line yet and he is already at the finish line.

I found out that he has been trying to talk to a girl that he went to highschool with (he has had no relations with her up till now 20 year reunion is all) I found out he has been going on sex sites and I don't know how to deal with it all.

He has kind of said he will go to therapy with me, but not really sure if he is committed to that or not. 

I have told him I am not ready to give up and he just says nothing like always.

I have know that we had problems for sometime, and tried to talk to him about it and he would say a few things and try a few things, but then he just turns off again.

I have not had sex with him in over a year and everytime I tried he would come up with some kind of excuse. Even when we did it was more me doing the work and he just was a tool. 


Anyway I need to open up to someone that is not family and does not say all the wrong things because I know they are trying but I find myself turning inside and I know its not good for me...

So I thought why not see what people that have the same problem are doing to deal with the same thing.


Fist time alone and very upset and emotional...


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## italiana86 (Oct 21, 2008)

helloitsme said:


> He said that he married to young and did not live at all before we got married.


Hi!
I'm really sorry for you, that sounds so sad. I'm not married yet but i can feel with you! How old have you guys been when you got married? I'm about to get married very soon and I'm only 22. My fiancé is 24 and I'm his first girlfriend... :scratchhead:

Now to you!
I would try to distract myself, do something like going shopping or going the hair stylist. Do something for yourself... These things always help for the beginning... For sure you should visit friends, hang out with them... Do you have kids ?


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## helloitsme (Oct 22, 2008)

He was 25 and I was 24 when we got married, but we started dating when I was 18 and he was 19 he asked me to marry him two years into the relationship, but I waited 3 years to get married. No we don't have any kids he did not want them and I was unsure. 

Anyway thanks for your help good luck to you... Just remember to keep him close to you and try reall hard to not drift apart.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

If he has “kind of” indicated he will go to therapy then push for that. You and he both need to understand why he has disconnected form the marriage. Whether the marriage survives or not this will be an important lesson for you both should you enter into a new relationship. Because you married so young you appear to be adrift with living your life by yourself. With time it will become self evident that you will get a long just fine. People do it all the time. Spend what time you can with him to try and get an understanding of what’s wrong in the marriage and try to resolve those issues one at a time. Spend the remainder of your time connecting with friends, finding new interests and keeping busy with work or projects.


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## helloitsme (Oct 22, 2008)

Thanks,

I am trying to meet new people joined a few groups here and havent gone to a meeting yet. the only night they are on this week I have plans already. I am looking forward to getting out some. But its hard to have a good time when it is always on your mind. But each day it is getting a little better. 

I know that therapy is going to help ME for sure, and I know it will help him even if he does not want to go at first he will come to the understanding that he does not really know what he wants for sure. I think that is why he is not talking to any of his friends about it. He does not want to be talked out of it, or to hit the nail on the head sort of speak.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I am sorry to here of your situation. By yourself you can not fix the relationship if he isn't willing to try too. But you are doing the right thing in helping yourself first.

draconis


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## helloitsme (Oct 22, 2008)

draconis said:


> I am sorry to here of your situation. By yourself you can not fix the relationship if he isn't willing to try too. But you are doing the right thing in helping yourself first.
> 
> draconis


Thanks I know it is the right thing, but it still does not make it easy. starting to feel less about everything. But I will get there.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

I have been on these threads for some time. Sometimes people can only heal themselves. Others save their relationships. Some find they are better off to move on. I really hope that you stay with this and that in some way someone can help, even if just to listen to you vent or have a sympathetic ear.

draconis


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am in a similar situation my wife of almost 16 years came out and told me a month ago she no longer loved me. said she didnt believ in marriage and would rather meet someone new who she had interests with. Broke my heart and my family apart when she finally asked me to leave. She said she could never think of spreading her legs for me again.. here is someone i have loved and would do anything for to be so cold and distant not caring how i felt but only thinking of herself. she said she wanted me out of her life and for close to 2 weeks hasnt contacted me or anything. only saw her when i packed up my stuff..

i am having such a hard time moving on.. all i can think of is all the future plans we had and family trips we went on knowing that there will be no more..

keep strong and take it day by day... thats what I am trying to do.. best of luck and god bless


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## helloitsme (Oct 22, 2008)

really sorry for you. I don't think they understand the impact it has. But the good news is that I can tell you every day that goes by you will feel a little stronger, and the pain gets easyer to handle. What I have been doing for the last month is really looking at what was going on REALLY going on, and thinking about maybe its the right thing. He is still my best friend and always will be. However when I see him or talk to him he is really cold right now, and it hurts every time. But I do find myself looking forward to things again, and starting to make plans just for me. In a stange way it makes me feel a little better. 

Hang in there and take care.


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## skinman (Nov 5, 2008)

helloitsme said:


> really sorry for you. I don't think they understand the impact it has. But the good news is that I can tell you every day that goes by you will feel a little stronger, and the pain gets easyer to handle. What I have been doing for the last month is really looking at what was going on REALLY going on, and thinking about maybe its the right thing. He is still my best friend and always will be. However when I see him or talk to him he is really cold right now, and it hurts every time. But I do find myself looking forward to things again, and starting to make plans just for me. In a stange way it makes me feel a little better.
> 
> Hang in there and take care.


thanks so much  I do believe that it will get easier as time goes by. Its just at this moment still being so fresh in my thoughts that its hard to look at things in that perspective. I saw her last night and as I looked at her I thought "why are you so upset you can do so much better" but then I started thinking thats all I have known for 15 years or more... She was mine and now is no longer mine.. it doesnt ease the pain any less just puts thing in a different light.

Thanks for your good wishes and your in my thoughts.


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