# Starting to go down hill fast! need advice and help



## mets21 (Oct 20, 2013)

This is my first post. Ive been reading everyone else's and finally wanted to write. Ill make this quick.

My wife and I have only been married for 4 years and together for 6. We are both 30, Fit and good looking people. Like everyone else sex was amazing in the first 3-4 years of our marriage. With that came the affection I loved. She made me feel like a great man to her and a grear great husband. She always complemented me, would look at me in ways to tell me she was madly in love. It was perfect. We got married and moved away from north to the south. Within the last 2 years she has basically gone away. Shes not affectionate anymore, no passionate kissing, no staring, no doing things to show love and now sex is once every 5 weeks. We have no kids and aren't having any. Ive She seems to ignore me now. I feel like I was once her king now im in 5th place in her priority list. Shes always first for me. Ive told her im depressed, sad and feels like im not much to her anymore. I asked her to help me through this and try to help our marriage. She got more angry and now is frustrated with me because im more quiet now and dont talk much. Sje just keeps putting me down even after ji told her how I felt. I need her to make me feel like our marriage matters. Anytime I tried sleeping on the couch before shed attempt to get me but she doesn't care anymore. 

Heres what I do know. SHE hates her job
I dont think she is seeing anyone else she doesn't have much friends down here. All she has is me and her animals. I have a great career here as a personal trainer and makes the bread in our marriage. But I cant keel feeling like this. I wont drag the relationship. Ive told her to let me know if she cares anymore and she just doesn't respond. Its a very akward situation. Any advice? Or help something.
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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

mets21 said:


> I need her to make me feel like our marriage matters.


This is the line that stood out to me. You "need her to".... I would suggest counseling. And reading The Five Love Languages as a start. What did she say when you told her how her actions were making you feel? Did she give any reason as to why she's acting this way?

Best of luck.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

Communication is everything. Tell her exactly how you feel & your concerns & ask her point blank if she still loves you & wants to stay married? Any answer besides "yes" to either question means "no". This will be painful but putting off asking won't make you feel any better. Best of luck to you.


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## mets21 (Oct 20, 2013)

BeachGuy said:


> This is the line that stood out to me. You "need her to".... I would suggest counseling. And reading The Five Love Languages as a start. What did she say when you told her how her actions were making you feel? Did she give any reason as to why she's acting this way?
> 
> Best of luck.


No.. she says she still loves me but I can see in her eyes its just not the same. The love language thing would work if she she actually would try. She doesnt try! Shows no effort in fixing any problem and its driving me away from her. And because of my new attitude and sadness I seem to be annoying her and shes just bored of me
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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Are you sure she is not having an affair?

It seems like she does not respect you.

Respect yourself. Do the 180 for you. Keep exercising, try to put some distance between you. Start doing things you like to do.

Maybe she is not seeing you as Mr. wonderful and become Mr. wonderful again.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

mets21 said:


> Ive told her to let me know if she cares anymore and she just doesn't respond. Its a very akward situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_





mets21 said:


> No.. she says she still loves me but I can see in her eyes its just not the same....She doesnt try! Shows no effort in fixing any problem and its driving me away from her. And because of my new attitude and sadness I seem to be annoying her and shes just bored of me
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know she has fallen out of love with you, right? Of that I have ZERO doubt. The REALLY bad news is that they rarely come back after that. 

Read up on walk-away-wives to find out what the problem is. Read up on the 180 to see how to fix it.


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## mets21 (Oct 20, 2013)

harrybrown said:


> Are you sure she is not having an affair?
> 
> It seems like she does not respect you.
> 
> ...


Thanks. Yea I thought of that. I just dont like putting all the effort myself to change. I want to see her put effort in. Bit since this is a big problem I need to do somethimg for myself to shoe her theres a problem. I guess I have to ask her a couple more questions before I decide to do a 180 (which I should do anyways) I told het the other day am I really worth your happiness I got no response. She doesn't respond to anything I tell her about my feelings. But like you said I guess I have to be a new guy to her to see me as mr.wonderful. its just hard not knowing if shel even care
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## mets21 (Oct 20, 2013)

MrK said:


> You know she has fallen out of love with you, right? Of that I have ZERO doubt. The REALLY bad news is that they rarely come back after that.
> 
> Read up on walk-away-wives to find out what the problem is. Read up on the 180 to see how to fix it.


I dont know what she feels anymore. I was thinking of a in house separation
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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

If you still have the same strong feelings for her, then an in house separation will be difficult to do. It is not "natural" for a couple to not act like a couple, and living in the same house, but not really being "together" will eat you up. PROs- you can both cohabitate, be friendly with no stress or pressures. CONS- one or both of you adapt & the marriage is over.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Maybe she's depressed? She hates her job, has no friends, and maybe hates where you're living. The north and south are quite different. You know she hates her life so why don't you try asking her what she needs to be happy with her life. Maybe a different job? Would you move back up north if that was important? Either you're leaving out details or everything is very you centric because you know she's miserable and all you've done is talk about what you need.
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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

I'm calling it now... She's at least considering, or already involved in an affair IMO. She doesn't want to cheat on her new lover with you. Stop the beta groveling, investigate her fidelity, 180, and prepare for the worst. Sorry.  Hope I'm wrong.


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## mets21 (Oct 20, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Maybe she's depressed? She hates her job, has no friends, and maybe hates where you're living. The north and south are quite different. You know she hates her life so why don't you try asking her what she needs to be happy with her life. Maybe a different job? Would you move back up north if that was important? Either you're leaving out details or everything is very you centric because you know she's miserable and all you've done is talk about what you need.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I think your correct about her job and friends. But weve been here for 4 years and she doesn't make friends easily. I dont think its all about what I need. Its more about what happend to her commitment to her husband. Weve talked recently and will be going to therapy tomorrow. Thank you for your response
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## mets21 (Oct 20, 2013)

OnTheRocks said:


> I'm calling it now... She's at least considering, or already involved in an affair IMO. She doesn't want to cheat on her new lover with you. Stop the beta groveling, investigate her fidelity, 180, and prepare for the worst. Sorry.  Hope I'm wrong.


I highly doubt shes having a affair. Its more of she doesn't enjoy her life down here and is just having a hard time trying to make her own independent life down here. Ive tried the 180 and it started to work already. So will see thanks for replying
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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Why did the two of you move? Was it your idea or was it your prospects that led you down south? Was she resistant to moving at first? I'm wondering if she is feeling resentment for uprooting her from where she was comfortable to a new place where you are being validated through your work while she's struggling.


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## mets21 (Oct 20, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Why did the two of you move? Was it your idea or was it your prospects that led you down south? Was she resistant to moving at first? I'm wondering if she is feeling resentment for uprooting her from where she was comfortable to a new place where you are being validated through your work while she's struggling.


It was both of our ideas. Not just mine. I am not the dominant one in the the relationship. I dont ever make decisions on my own unless I have her input in it. We both moved because both had job opportunities and the warm weather would help her small health condition. Fortunately for me I made it for myself and started my own business which is doing very well. Her on the other hand has been working for a company she doesn't enjoy. Shes also a big animal lover and thats more of what makes her happy more then anything.
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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

mets21 said:


> She seems to ignore me now. I feel like I was once her king now im in 5th place in her priority list. Shes always first for me.
> 
> Then what you do is this. if your going to be #5 on her hit parade, then make her #5 on yours. You can ask, plead, beg, grovel until the cows come home and it will get you no where.
> 
> ...


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