# 1 year post dd. recently found wife and guy emailing



## wvrams42 (Jul 5, 2013)

its been one year since my wife checked out of my life. we spent 7 months separated and 5 months ago she moved back home. i am always wondering if she is committed to the marriage and recently I have been getting these GUT feelings and she had been acting strange. I ask her simply if she has had any contacts with any men that would be inappropriate to our marriage and she admitted that the a-hole that broke my family up emailed her he would be in town and wanted to hook up.i saw 1 email of 4. the one i saw said that she didn't want to hurt me and that she loved me but, she also said for him to ignore her e-mails if she tried to contact him. my mind is going crazy! do you think im over analyzing the last sentence or should i be alarmed?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

She still has feelings for him. Can you live with that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Michelleinmichigan (Jun 26, 2013)

She is honest with you, that's good. She is in a childish love/fantasy with another man. You must tell her to tell her to leave. Be nice, but firm. Tell her this isn't fair to you. Since this is what she has decided, she needs to be fair and leave you free to find someone who truly loves only you. You want an adult committed relationship with a good woman. Be firm.

As long as your wife and OM have a fantasy relationship, reality can't compete. Kick her out. It is something you can't put up with. A month that they have together of reality and they'll probably hate each other.

I'm sorry but your wife is dumb. But people do things because they can. Don't listen to explanations, cut her off emotionally. Take care of yourself, act happy, confident, and just say things happen for a reason. Look forward to meeting someone special. Stop letting her drag your heart around. Be strong. That's it.

That is the only way your wife will respect you, and maybe you can start over on your terms.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html#post430739

Tell him never to contact your W or you again. If he does you'll get the law involved, for harassment and a RO. Have the wife write a NC letter too. Block his numbers and emails. 

Put your post in the infidelity area of the forum for more advice, as to what else to do. 

Good luck.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

imhopeless said:


> Don't be so quick to judge this situation Michelle. i am that woman, and the OM is my ExH. He blindsided me by asking for divorce and we went through it. I then got into a rebound relationship and got pregnant. I am married to my child's father now, but before we married I cheated on him with Exh. I ended it, went NC with him and threaten to charge him with harassment if he tried to contact me again. My child's father and I got married and everything was going along good.
> 
> About two months ago my ExH and I ran into each unexpectedly and it was such a shock. I just acknowledged him and went on my way. Ever since then my feelings for him have erupted again. I try to put them out of my mind but can't. But I will not cheat on my now husband.
> 
> ...


Good work, keep at it (NC). 

Have you read Dr. Harley's books?


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I have to agree that it's premature to be booting your wife out! 

She *is* demonstrating that she wants to be faithful to you, OP, but she is also indirectly communicating to him that she still has feelings for him and *could* contact him in the future. As Hopeless said, this can be difficult and emotional, especially if she found him while you were not meeting her needs well or if she had some fantasies going on that now just got revived by him wanting to see her.

I would ask her to commit to NEVER contacting him again OR answering any emails from him, and if she wouldn't agree, then yes, I'd look at moving on without her.


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## Michelleinmichigan (Jun 26, 2013)

You cheated. So maybe he deserves it. It isn't normal for previous relationshps to be in the marriage picture (period). That isn't my personal judgement. Actions have consequences. Some people don't understand that.


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## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

imhopeless said:


> Don't be so quick to judge this situation Michelle. i am that woman, and the OM is my ExH. He blindsided me by asking for divorce and we went through it. I then got into a rebound relationship and got pregnant. I am married to my child's father now, but before we married I cheated on him with Exh. I ended it, went NC with him and threaten to charge him with harassment if he tried to contact me again. My child's father and I got married and everything was going along good.
> 
> About two months ago my ExH and I ran into each unexpectedly and it was such a shock. I just acknowledged him and went on my way. Ever since then my feelings for him have erupted again. I try to put them out of my mind but can't. But I will not cheat on my now husband.
> 
> ...


How crappy for your husband. You are with him for how he treats you and your kid not because you love him, (or in love or however it is people qualify it). I think he probably would be wise to dump you. Even though you are trying to make it work, it is just that work (probably with love like a brother or some other cliche). You described him as a rebound where you got knocked up, and here you are pining for someone who treated you like sh1t. I say you should let husband go so he can find someone who truly loves him. 

To the OP, I know you probably love her and really want to make the best life for your family, but she sounds like a moth trying her hardest to resist the fire. I don't think you will ever be that fire. Look how she described your relationship in your own thread. You are just a rebound with good swimmers. She already cheated once. Why the h3ll is she emailing ANYTHING in response. He should be blocked, any contact even don't email is going to fuel this. How is your self esteem? Why are in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you? I understand responsibility and doin what is right by the kid, but agreeable people can be good co parents. Not what is best, but I know first hand what it is like to be with someone who isn't into you in that way. Think long and hard about what you want for your life, do you really want to be in a relationship where your love is not reciprocated?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

imhopeless said:


> Don't be so quick to judge this situation Michelle. i am that woman, and the OM is my ExH. He blindsided me by asking for divorce and we went through it. I then got into a rebound relationship and got pregnant. I am married to my child's father now, but before we married I cheated on him with Exh. I ended it, went NC with him and threaten to charge him with harassment if he tried to contact me again. My child's father and I got married and everything was going along good.
> 
> About two months ago my ExH and I ran into each unexpectedly and it was such a shock. I just acknowledged him and went on my way. Ever since then my feelings for him have erupted again. I try to put them out of my mind but can't. But I will not cheat on my now husband.
> 
> ...


Your husband is the ultimate Plan B, You freely admit you like the way your ex did things better. Your husband deserves to be with a woman who like the the way HE does things better. 

Your husband posted the following :

" i saw 1 email of 4. the one i saw said that she didn't want to hurt me and that she loved me but, she also said for him to ignore her e-mails if she tried to contact him"

Why would you think to contact him ?? Why is he e mailing you still ?

Your husband should absolutely begin divorce proceeding.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

To the wife - seriously? One time contact and you are now laying awake a night dreaming of the ex?

Time for you to grow up and choose who you will give your passion and love to.

It very much seems like you are indulging your fantasy by allowing yourself to put so much thought and energy into your ex.


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## imhopeless (Dec 18, 2012)

Just to clarify - i am NOT the OP's wife. I guess I should have said I'm in a similar situation as the OP's wife. So any advice pertaining the OP should be directed to him. 

OP Sorry for the highjack and confusion I caused. I have deleted my post.


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