# The 7 sins that wreck the marriage and family



## msmith (Jun 7, 2011)

I am attending a workshop called Fatherwise on how to be a good husband/father. The discussion brings out the 7 deadly sins:

1. Control. In many cultures man is regarded as the head of the household. The entitlement comes with power and responsibility. But some men would abuse the power to the max degree.

2. Unfaithful. The range is from PA, EA, to porn viewing. Enough said.

3. Pride. Some men will use their wives as trophy displays. Some will drive the children to perform a perfect score in all tasks, just to fulfill their own vanity. One more sign: refuse to admit mistake even if it is your own fault.

4. Religious. The difference between religious and spiritual is that religious is being a front, spiritual is being genuine belief. This happens to a lot of so called Christian families where the children see their parents do not practice what they preach.

5. Afraid to confront. Taking the easy way out (not confront the wrongs) often will result the issue getting from bad to worse.

6. Quarreling. Every couple quarrels. But does it come with the same amount of laughter?

7. Self-center. Too much focus in work, hobby, media and not enough of communication and caring.

Open for more input.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

msmith said:


> I am attending a workshop called Fatherwise on how to be a good husband/father. The discussion brings out the 7 deadly sins:
> 
> 1. Control. In many cultures man is regarded as the head of the household. The entitlement comes with power and responsibility. But some men would abuse the power to the max degree.
> 
> ...



I think whatever works, however, not everyone is a fundamental christian so there might be a disconnect for some people. I personally don't see why p0rn is a problem unless one is forsaking their spouse. Actually, when you are the forsaken one, p0rn sure does help.


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## incognitoman (Oct 22, 2009)

I think its a lot more basic. Selfishness is the killer. Almost everything bad that happens in a relationship can be traced back to a selfish root or motive. 

Now the cure of selfishness is not so simple.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Individualism!

People are taught: This is me, accept me as me, let me be me, let me do what I like, everything should be convenient for me! 

But they forget that they live in a society full of people, if everybody has this attitude, then a cold, arrogant and uncooperative society we live in!






Just read an article yesterday, men who are more sympathetic towards others have more sex!


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

incognitoman said:


> I think its a lot more basic. Selfishness is the killer. Almost everything bad that happens in a relationship can be traced back to a selfish root or motive.


That's what happened to my marriage. It all has to be about him.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> Individualism!
> 
> People are taught: This is me, accept me as me, let me be me, let me do what I like, everything should be convenient for me!
> 
> But they forget that they live in a society full of people, if everybody has this attitude, then a cold, arrogant and uncooperative society we live in!


And I say...."Welcome to the 21st Century!!" 

One way or the other we've all had a hand in creating this self-focussed world we live in....the trick now is, learning how to bring it back to some kind of balance.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I thought the list was very good.



mr.miketastic said:


> I think whatever works, however, not everyone is a fundamental christian so there might be a disconnect for some people. I personally don't see why p0rn is a problem unless one is forsaking their spouse. Actually, when you are the forsaken one, p0rn sure does help.


Actually porn never helps anything, it just widens the gap between couples, helps build resentment, creates unreasonable expectations and can be highly addictive. It is not healthy for marriages.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

However it manifests itself, it's almost always selfishness. People abuse control because they are selfish. They commit adultary because they are selfish. They overspend because they are selfish. They lie to their spouses, avoid confrontations, and demonstrate laziness because they are selfish. If both parties put the needs of their partner and the good of the marriage above all personal concerns, almost all marital problems could be avoided.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't care about the inner child. Because I have to live with the outer adult. The sins, such as they are, aren't about motive or mood. They're about BEHAVIOR. Personally, I don't really care if my wife has lurid fantasies and disappointed urges. Welcome to Earf!

No, the problem is how you act, what you. If your husband or wife is boinking other people it's not relevant why they think that is. They are boinking other people because they are inserting one set of genitals or other appendages into, over, around or near someone else's set of genitals or appendages. 

Everything else is "Mommy drinks because you're bad" or some equally vapid excuse.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Runs like Dog said:


> I don't care about the inner child. Because I have to live with the outer adult. The sins, such as they are, aren't about motive or mood. They're about BEHAVIOR. Personally, I don't really care if my wife has lurid fantasies and disappointed urges. Welcome to Earf!
> 
> No, the problem is how you act, what you. If your husband or wife is boinking other people it's not relevant why they think that is. They are boinking other people because they are inserting one set of genitals or other appendages into, over, around or near someone else's set of genitals or appendages.
> 
> Everything else is "Mommy drinks because you're bad" or some equally vapid excuse.


:smthumbup:


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## Red347 (Jun 12, 2011)

What most women do not understand is that porn is a way for a man to avoid being controlled by a woman. To men, sex is based on carnal thoughts, not love. Men do not have sex to show a woman he loves them. He provides for them, buys them gifts, remains loyal in the physical sense (because even he cannot control his mind), are ways men show love. Ladies...Honestly...How many times after sex does your husband roll over and go to sleep? Is there truly hugging and holding all through the night? I think not. Once the carnal thought-driven sex is over, a man is back in control of himself. Some men prefer to masturbate, just to rid themselves of these carnal thoughts. These thoughts are part of man's mind process, there are no way around them. At least with masturbation and porn, there are no infections and you still have your money in your pocket, and most importantly, a man is still in control of himself.

Another separate topic I'd like to address is that cheating not the same for men and women. Say for instance there is trouble in the marriage. The man cheats. In retaliation, the woman goes and gets bled out by a freak of nature. Afterwards they make up and reconcile. It wouldn't work out because she can never again have satisfying sex with her husband. This will lead to a level of discontent in her which in turn, will lead to disrespect. While on the man's side, maybe the cheating sex was lousy, and deep down inside, he wished he never done it. But he does not come back to the marriage physically changed forever, and unable to please his wife. Those are major differences.


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## Mrs.G (Nov 20, 2010)

Red347 said:


> What most women do not understand is that porn is a way for a man to avoid being controlled by a woman. To men, sex is based on carnal thoughts, not love. Men do not have sex to show a woman he loves them. He provides for them, buys them gifts, remains loyal in the physical sense (because even he cannot control his mind), are ways men show love. Ladies...Honestly...How many times after sex does your husband roll over and go to sleep? Is there truly hugging and holding all through the night? I think not. Once the carnal thought-driven sex is over, a man is back in control of himself. Some men prefer to masturbate, just to rid themselves of these carnal thoughts. These thoughts are part of man's mind process, there are no way around them. At least with masturbation and porn, there are no infections and you still have your money in your pocket, and most importantly, a man is still in control of himself. My husband cuddles and kisses me before and after sex. Does this mean he is a girl?? :rofl: I love porn, so what does that mean for me as a woman?
> 
> Another separate topic I'd like to address is that cheating not the same for men and women. Say for instance there is trouble in the marriage. The man cheats. In retaliation, the woman goes and gets bled out by a freak of nature. Afterwards they make up and reconcile. It wouldn't work out because she can never again have satisfying sex with her husband. This will lead to a level of discontent in her which in turn, will lead to disrespect. How do you explain women that run off with the OM? While on the man's side, maybe the cheating sex was lousy, and deep down inside, he wished he never done it. But he does not come back to the marriage physically changed forever, and unable to please his wife. Those are major differences.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Red347 Where did you get your ideas. Don't bother answering. Your whole post is Bull! 
I would rather just pull up a pillow and lie there beside him with no interaction, but he want's to cuddle, stroke, talk. Please, I'm exausted just let me go to sleep. 
The OW. hahaha A joke in itself. She has what I no longer find worth fighting for. He's a cheating pain in the butt. Nothing was good enough, no matter what. I bore his big headed children, I'll never be able to hold my water or live without Prep H in my purse. I raised those monsters, attended school meetings, sat up doing homework, while he slept. Got up while he was still in bed and took them to school things, sporting events, etc. I kept his house, seen to his every need and brought him soup and the TV remote when he was sick. 
Miss La Dee Da is in for a surprise, because he accepted the arrangement to have the kids on holidays, every other weekend, Days of no school and ALL SUMMER. 

I rest my case. 
Oh and by the way. I don't have to have sex to be happy. My body works the way I want it, not the way the Penis wants.


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## Red347 (Jun 12, 2011)

I expected women to disagree with me. It's natural. Deep down inside, your ex won't.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Red347 said:


> What most women do not understand is that porn is a way for a man to avoid being controlled by a woman.


My H seems to think you're over-thinking this a little. He said for him porn just feels good and its there. But if its a control thing for you, to each his own


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Red347 I'm the one that wants to roll over and go to sleep. He wants to cuddle. Go figure that one.


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## heartbroken1957 (Apr 8, 2011)

Red I don't have an Ex. We are still working on it. But either way He read your post and thinks you r on an ego trip. Grow up. Men don't need to have porn. Only those who have a problem need porn to get off. And before you go nutzo, you state porn is needed to make a man feel in control. Because with a woman he is not in control of himself?


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## incognitoman (Oct 22, 2009)

I think that anything that hurts a member of the marriage is a bad thing. For some porn seems to be okay. For others its not. Justifying it to help a man control himself is just weak. 

A real man doesn't need porn to control himself. A real man controls himself because he knows that HE is in control of himself.

If porn hurts his wife then he should not view it. I personally think that it is damaging for most people and should be avoided. Masturbate if you really need to but there is no reason for porn to be involved. If you are that hot and bothered then you should have no trouble without the visual lustful stimulation.


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## Red347 (Jun 12, 2011)

Everyone has their opinion. I just happen to refuse jumping through hoops just to blow one. I have read stories on this site about married men not getting sex from their wives for 5 years. Who's on the power trip? My answer is , why go out and get burned? The actors are taking the risk, you get your satisfaction, your wife remains a nun. Everybody is happy.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

In 'Paradise Lost', by John Milton the most human character is Lucifer. Pride commeth before the fall.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Syrum said:


> I thought the list was very good.
> 
> 
> 
> Actually porn never helps anything, it just widens the gap between couples, helps build resentment, creates unreasonable expectations and can be highly addictive. It is not healthy for marriages.


Actually 3 independent dr's I've seen would disagree with you. According to them without the help of porn my prostate would have exploded by now. The resentment being built up is towards her for what has already been mentioned as selfishness.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

incognitoman said:


> If you are that hot and bothered then you should have no trouble without the visual lustful stimulation.


I can only assume you are religious by your use of the term "lustful". I dont really know if that term applies to porn for most men. We watch it as entertainment and satisfaction, but not as a "lustful" replacement for our wives. That's when porn addiction comes in.

There will always been differing opinions on the porn issue. I just think more understanding into individuals coping mechanisms need to be considered. A lot of us are literally suffering in sexless relationships and watch a little porn while we release. In my particular case my wife doesn't care. So what's really hurting the marriage? Viewing the porn or the actions that lead to it?


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

incognitoman said:


> I think that anything that hurts a member of the marriage is a bad thing. For some porn seems to be okay. For others its not. Justifying it to help a man control himself is just weak.
> 
> A real man doesn't need porn to control himself. A real man controls himself because he knows that HE is in control of himself.
> 
> If porn hurts his wife then he should not view it. I personally think that it is damaging for most people and should be avoided. Masturbate if you really need to but there is no reason for porn to be involved. If you are that hot and bothered then you should have no trouble without the visual lustful stimulation.


What's a sin to you is not a sin to someone else. Why is it OK to look down on people who happen to use it as a means of release when there is little to no other alternative? You can prate on about how superior you are because in _your_ perspective it's sinful and you of course, never sin, and If you never sin, then you _obviously_ must be the second coming.
What if in my own set of spiritual beliefs, a sin is a chance to learn? I do, in fact, see it as a better alternative to cheating on my wife, and if that's a problem for you, TFB.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

mr.miketastic said:


> What's a sin to you is not a sin to someone else. Why is it OK to look down on people who happen to use it as a means of release when there is little to no other alternative? You can prate on about how superior you are because in _your_ perspective it's sinful and you of course, never sin, and If you never sin, then you _obviously_ must be the second coming.
> What if in my own set of spiritual beliefs, a sin is a chance to learn? I do, in fact, see it as a better alternative to cheating on my wife, and if that's a problem for you, TFB.


So a man isn't able to masturbate without porn? Huh?


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So a man isn't able to masturbate without porn? Huh?


Lol, no but it's a lot like eating steak without A-1


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

mr.miketastic said:


> Lol, no but it's a lot like eating steak without A-1


I think what he was getting at was that porn isn't necessary for masturbation. I don't think he was saying masturbation is bad. 

A-1 RUINS a steak! That's cause for a hangin' in these here parts.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I think what he was getting at was that porn isn't necessary for masturbation. I don't think he was saying masturbation is bad.
> 
> A-1 RUINS a steak! That's cause for a hangin' in these here parts.


 I live in TX and most of the time when we go out, the steak needs A-1 

In all seriousness though, I think the use of p0rnographic imagery to facilitate a release is much like intimacy with your partner when you both are turned on. If only one of you is in the mood, then the sex becomes a chore. 
When it's a chore, then it's pretty evident to your partner that it is, and that can become a major bummer afterwards...

It's like having no steak and no A-1


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

mr.miketastic said:


> I live in TX and most of the time when we go out, the steak needs A-1
> 
> In all seriousness though, I think the use of p0rnographic imagery to facilitate a release is much like intimacy with your partner when you both are turned on. If only one of you is in the mood, then the sex becomes a chore.
> When it's a chore, then it's pretty evident to your partner that it is, and that can become a major bummer afterwards...
> ...


I guess what he was saying is that since men can masturbate without it, if it is hurting your partner to view it, don't. Right?

I'm in TX too. You outta be forced to ride the mechanical bull for an evening for tossing sauce on a t-bone.


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## mr.miketastic (Aug 5, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I guess what he was saying is that since men can masturbate without it, if it is hurting your partner to view it, don't. Right?
> 
> I'm in TX too. You outta be forced to ride the mechanical bull for an evening for tossing sauce on a t-bone.


Lol, haven't met one that could throw me yet


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## WhatWhere (Apr 29, 2011)

incognitoman said:


> I think its a lot more basic. Selfishness is the killer. Almost everything bad that happens in a relationship can be traced back to a selfish root or motive.
> 
> Now the cure of selfishness is not so simple.


That's so at odds with the man up message I see on TAM. Aren't we saying that some selfishness is good? That we are responsible for making sure our needs are meet? Is it the degree of selfishness?


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