# my fiance is always in some type of affair



## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

Ive been with my fiancee for 5 years. We dated for 2 years and i asked her to marry me 3 years ago. The plan was to marry last year, but it never happened. Ill get to the meat of the details and then see if anyone can relate or give me advice

>Early in our relationship, she was always chatting on messenger with other guys. I became aware to this about 9 months in. I told her it upset me and she said it would stop.

>Around the 2 year mark, i went to work but was told i could go home. When i came home she was in bed with another guy. She cried and begged for forgiveness. I forgave her.

>We decided after that, we should try an open relationship. She told me that she wasnt the type of person who could be with just one guy. I obliged and our sex life was pretty awesome. We hooked up with other couples and she was honest with me about every communication with other guys. Or atleast i think. I do have very good reason to believe she didnt tell me about a few other guys she fooled around with.

>She was getting attention from guys left and right while i was having problems finding girls who wanted to fool around with an attached guy. 

>2 years into our open relationship test, we hadnt really seen anyone sexually. She flirted with a ton of guys online though. I constantly begged her to give me the details about her conversations but she would change the subject or lie.

>One day, I came home from work early and she was blowing some guy in our house. She cried again and i forgave her because of the type of relationship we where in. Even though i never gave her permission to meet with him( a stipulation for our relationship), i forgve her because it is a crazy type of relationship and stuff like that is bound to happen right?

>Finally i found my swag and met a bunch of girls in my area(im an introvert but once i warm up people tend to like me). I hit it off with two of them and started hanging out with them. My fiancee got super jealous and called off the open relationship. I had sex with both of the girls several times but she didnt know.

>I told her i had to work one day but ended up having sex with one of the girls, she found out and we broke up for a month. We still had sex on occasion though.

>We both moved in with her sister after having both been laid off. We made up and then found out she was pregnant. We decided to move to another state for a fresh start. 2 days before the move, i told her about having sex with one of the girls. I didnt come out and say it but i did tell her.


So this is what brings us to my current situation. Our baby is now 5 months old(my daughter means everything to me) Right now she is chatting with an ex boyfriend from years ago. My fiancee has always worshipped this guy. He treats her like **** and she comes back for more. She knows i HATE this guy, but for some reason she cant stop talking to him. I have access to her FB page and see her texting him. In the past she has told him lies about me. She told him that i tried to ***** her out so she could get a ride home from a firends house. That night he picked her up and they made out in his car...while i was inside watching her son! She also convinced him recently that i beat her. Ive never laid a hand on her. Shes slapped me several times and i just walk away. They are both in an intense online relationship and i just dont know what to do. I love her sooooo much. I love the daughter she gave me and the family we have. I confronted her about her recent relationship with him and all she did was unfriend him, she still chats with him though. she tells him that she doesnt want to marry me and that she loves him. It hurts soooooo much to read her write those lines. I dont know why i force myself to eavesdrop on her texting but i cant help myself. I dont know what to do so i came here hoping that atleast telling someone all this would help me feel better. 
I left out alot of stuff but i think i covered the major stuff. Sorry it was long but i'm hoping to get some good advice or a new perspective on my relationship. I think it;s still worth saving but i dont think she feels that way. She tells me to my face that she loves me and still wants to marry me but she says the opposite to her ex. Who should i believe, the person telling me she wants to marry me, or the person telling her ex that she doesnt want to marry me?


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## Hawk (Jan 2, 2013)

Oh lord.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

oh lord indeed....
You do see why it happened right???


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

ne9907 said:


> oh lord indeed....
> You do see why it happened right???


uhh maybe? She doesnt respect me, thats what ive come to. 
What are you suggesting?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stay phuck buddies and go back to the open relationship ..... She has!

Let her know it make
No sense at all to be jealous of you when your doing your thing and she is doing her thing. 

It then will b her choice, except the open relationship or go be with the other guy and you go me be with who ever.

I bet if you let each other go you'll make happier and healthier parents. So I think the focus should be on coparenting rather then forcing a commited relation ship.

At the end of the day her double standard is bull crap. It time to lay it out
And tell her how it's going to be, it will b up to her to except other women in your life or not. You can't control her but you can control what you will tolorate with this double standee crap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

BTW your chick has a big prob with honesty .... Hopefully that crap doesn't rub off on you kid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

the guy said:


> Stay phuck buddies and go back to the open relationship ..... She has!
> 
> Let her know it make
> No sense at all to be jealous of you when your doing your thing and she is doing her thing.
> ...


Yeah, her double standard is BS. We both decided that an open relationship doesnt work for us. I stopped talking to other people but she hasnt. 

How do i confront her about her latest relationship. She doesnt know i have her FB password and see her convos. How can i get her to admit it without admitting i spy on her. Does any of that even matter? 

Coparenting may be hard. We met in Seattle. She grew up there and i was stationed there. We moved to my hometown in SC so we could be close to my parents when the baby was born. If we break up she'll move back to WA. If we break up im not sure how the custody battle will go. The thought of not being able to see my daughter regularly would devistate me. Guys dont normally win custody battles so id probably have to follow her to WA


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

I don't mean to sound callous, but have you confirmed through DNA testing that the baby is yours?


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

yeah_right said:


> I don't mean to sound callous, but have you confirmed through DNA testing that the baby is yours?


I don't take it as callousness. I've had the same thought. I have reason to believe that she cheated on me(with the guy shes talking to now) during the time that the baby was concieved. I also know that i could have fathered the baby as well. Ive thought many hours thinking about doing a paternity but havent. For one, i already love and consider her my own daughter and flesh and blood. I would be close to killing myself if i found out she wasnt mine. Secondly, my daughter looks like me, my brothers and my nephews as a baby. Her ex that could be the father has black hair and i have brown. My baby has red hair, just like my nephews and my father do. Right now im 98% sure shes mine.


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

Wow. Huge mess here but you contributed to it, and the worst part was your choice to bring a kid into it. That's not your fiancée. That's everyone's fiancée. If I were you I would DNA test the kid and hope it isn't yours.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

When confronting you will have to lie so you don't reveal your sourse, so it's a tough call. Maybe it's best just let your girl frond do her thing and you do yours. At the end of he day this relationship is full of deceit 

My concern is the kid.... He'll tell you have been talking to some girl and if she wants he can talk to other guys. Then see what her response is.

What I suggest is play her at her own game. Get her to put the show on the other foot.

This isn't going to end well no matter how you approach this ....let's face it you had a any others a chick that she is not a one man kind of girl.

Just so you know the open relationship works great for her as long as her SO doesn't have the same opportunity.

Sorry you got a kid, but if it was me I would never ver consider this chick marriage material , so with that said you bro are in a dead end relationship. Unless you can figure out how to control her sh except wearing a charity belt your looking at long distance parenting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry my post look jacked up ...Mobil devices suck when you have big glumby fingers
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

If you married her, would you expect her to change? To stop telling other guys she loves them? To stop having sex with other guys in your house while you are at work? NO, you wouldn't. She has done those things for five years with you, and probably for her whole life before she met you, so she is not just going to stop if she gets married.

1. Don't clue her in on any part of your plan.
2. Get a paternity test on "your" daughter.
3. Assuming your daughter really is yours, go see an attorney about how to prevent her from taking the child to WA when you call off the relationship. See what evidence you need, if any, of her fooling around on you, if that affects custody.
4. Just break up with her. As she told you, she's not the type of girl who can be with just one guy. Confront her, don't confront her, do whatever you want. It doesn't matter that much, but if you have to deal with her as a parent, you might want to keep it as amicable as possible.


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

Thehottness, are you enjoying this situation? I'm asking seriously because no man with a healthy dose of self-respect would tolerate this kind of treatment.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

If this is what you think "love" is, you have a lot to learn. What's been going on between you two is more about drama than love. It doesn't have any of the hallmarks of a stable marriage, so I hope you're not seriously considering getting married to her - that marriage would almost be guaranteed to end in divorce. You do realize that, don't you?

I feel sorry for that child. Her mother is going to be setting a terrible example for her when it comes to men. You really should consider finding out if she is your child.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

What the ****???


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

What the hell did you expect to happen from her behavior in the beginning of the relationship and your unwavering tolerance of all her actions up to now?? Both of you are so worried about who you can [email protected] instead of building a steady, meaningful relationship that doesn't revolve around orgies. Now a newborn is in the picture and you don't even know if its truly yours or not. Congratulations DAD the party is over.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And you have children amongst this... _relationship?_ :slap:

Counselling, Would that help?:scratchhead:

Get DNA checks done and get specialist help for the children.


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

thehottness said:


> I don't take it as callousness. I've had the same thought. I have reason to believe that she cheated on me(with the guy shes talking to now) during the time that the baby was concieved. I also know that i could have fathered the baby as well. Ive thought many hours thinking about doing a paternity but havent. For one, i already love and consider her my own daughter and flesh and blood. I would be close to killing myself if i found out she wasnt mine. Secondly, my daughter looks like me, my brothers and my nephews as a baby. Her ex that could be the father has black hair and i have brown. My baby has red hair, just like my nephews and my father do. Right now im 98% sure shes mine.


Maybe it's your brother's. Or your Dad's.


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

I appreciate people responding and offering advice/criticism. That said, why do some of yall feel the need to be so negative, degrading or cynical?





adriana said:


> Thehottness, are you enjoying this situation? I'm asking seriously because no man with a healthy dose of self-respect would tolerate this kind of treatment.


Of course im not enjoying it. It sucks. That being said, i do have a good bit of self respect. Maybe i could use more in the self esteem department but i respect myself. Perhaps you dont know as much about men as you thought



hopefulgirl said:


> If this is what you think "love" is, you have a lot to learn. What's been going on between you two is more about drama than love. It doesn't have any of the hallmarks of a stable marriage, so I hope you're not seriously considering getting married to her - that marriage would almost be guaranteed to end in divorce. You do realize that, don't you?
> 
> I feel sorry for that child. Her mother is going to be setting a terrible example for her when it comes to men. You really should consider finding out if she is your child.



Oh, do i have a lot to learn about love? I forgot that i was a small child who doesnt understand such concepts, please enlighten me on your definition of a word that is a completely subjective. I mean no 2 people can agree what love is, but i bet you have it all figured out. I mean you must have based on the way you treat me like an idiot for saying i love someone.

Yes there is "drama" in the relationship but name me a relationship without it. Relationships are comprised of 99% drama. Our baby doesnt need you to feel sorry for her BTW. Im more worried about media and other influences setting a terrible example than just her Mom.

Other than that, you're probably right, our marriage would probably end in divorce



AlphaHalf said:


> What the hell did you expect to happen from her behavior in the beginning of the relationship and your unwavering tolerance of all her actions up to now?? Both of you are so worried about who you can [email protected] instead of building a steady, meaningful relationship that doesn't revolve around orgies. Now a newborn is in the picture and you don't even know if its truly yours or not. Congratulations DAD the party is over.


Wow, way to only read what you want to read, of course i wasnt super clear so let me elaborate. No, we have not only been worried about who we can sleep around with. We both were focused on building a relationship. There hasn't been any orgies and our sex life was always a facet of our relationship, but never the driving force. I didnt mention any of the relationship building because thats not what i was concerned with. I know the party is over. I wanted a kid. We had talked about having a kid for years, it was just really poorly timed. Im fully prepared for my baby. 




MattMatt said:


> And you have children amongst this... _relationship?_ :slap:
> 
> Counselling, Would that help?:scratchhead:
> 
> Get DNA checks done and get specialist help for the children.


Why do any of the kids need help from a specialist. Nothing that has happened between us is going to negatively effect the kids


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Bro, what do you really want? This is a 'run forrest run' situation.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Parents not loving each other, she doesn't love you, she's using you, adultery, separation and divorce are devastating for kids. Google it.


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## brokeneric (Jan 27, 2014)

Sorry to say, but your gf is Maury material. Man up, get the child DNA tested. Bad news- the child isn't yours. Worse news- The child is yours. I am skeptical how such a mother would be able to raise a child. Whatever happens don't marry her. Advise applies only if you aren't a troll.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

adriana said:


> Thehottness, are you enjoying this situation? I'm asking seriously because no man with a healthy dose of self-respect would tolerate this kind of treatment.


Looks like that. No adult man with a functioning brain would ask what he should do when the answer is that obvious and self-evident. Might be just masochism.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> Maybe it's your brother's. Or your Dad's.


Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Assuming this post is real.... I have my doubts.

What makes you think marrying her will suddenly make her faithful? It won't. I wish there was some kind of online resource where you could read hundreds of testimonials about spouses who weren't faithful in their marriage.

DNA test the kid. You say you are 98% sure? You aren't. 100% is the standard not 98%. You really want to be paying child support to some kid that may not be yours for the next 18-21 years? 

Also, one more word of advice. Use protection when you are with prostitutes. Avoid diseases and pregnancy in the future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

thehottness said:


> I appreciate people responding and offering advice/criticism. That said, why do some of yall feel the need to be so negative, degrading or cynical?
> 
> *Cut and paste your thread and all the responses. Save it in a Word doc. Re-read it in 5 years. Facepalm yourself repeatedly.
> 
> ...


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Have you considered appearing on the Jerry Springer show?


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Spend a few minutes on google looking at in home paternity testing. You will get several options. It is easy, painless, and private. You do not need your fiance to participate. Just a simple swab inside your cheek and the childs; this is enough to tell you if you are the father. should cost around 100 bucks for 1 kid.

You can also buy paternity kits at some drug stores like walgreens and then send them in. I think this option ends up being around 130, but you don't have to wait for the kit top come in the mail. 

You are not in a healthy relationship. not at all.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Open relationship was great for her. She got to bang Tom, **** and Harry. When you do it it's a problem. Please save yourself time, money and misery....do not marry this woman and get the DNA test done on this child.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Right on, Richie! :smthumbup: He needs to get out of the fog and see her for what she really is before, God help him, he marries her and then has to deal with all the affairs that will surely follow. It doesn't sound like this lady is capable of being faithful. She's going to allow herself to be "had" by any man who catches her eye. Who in the world would let himself in for this kind of relationship. I really wish the OP well in the future.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> My bad. Should have kept reading. Clearly a troll. Post some ridiculous story, under the guise of asking advice, when the answers are clear to any rational human being, then attack each poster who responds to the story.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You know, I thought about this. :scratchhead: It's soooo outrageous! How could any self-respecting man put up with this kind of nonsense. Seems like, though, one of the moderators warned someone about calling a thread a "troll." I hope it's not, but if it truly is serious, my heart goes out to the OP. Seems like I saw this same thread on Loveshack.


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## UsernameHere (Sep 26, 2013)

Dear oh dear, train wreck of a relationship…..walk away, or rather run away for your sanity


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

She is a liar. And while you stay with her, she will continue...she will continue whether you stay or not. 

She asked for an open relationship, but only wants it open on her side. Not yours.

How you can expect anything less than heartache, pain, dysfunction, lies and deceit, STD's and worse, I do not know.

And like the others said, I hope this is not just trolling. If it is, have a nice day.

Keep posting if you want real advice. It's there already but you don't seem to see it or want it.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

OP, this is not meant to be negative, degrading or anything, but why are you still in the same hemisphere as this woman?


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

This is no longer about you, your fiance or the other man who may be the father. 

It is now about an innocent 5 month old baby girl. 

Your story sounds far-fetched but truth is stranger than fiction. All I can hope is that it is not true.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

When you came home and found her in bed with another guy, was your first mistake. Some guy screwing your woman in your bed and you forgave her.

Right then and there you should have ended it. Then for some strange reason you and her agreed to a open marriage and set down rules and she can't live by them and from there it's only gotten worse.

With that said, let me ask, who fault is that? You had a first class example of what type of person she is and yet you still decided to turn a blind eye and a deaf ear to it and here you are up to your neck in a disaster.

I'm sorry friend but you have no one to blame but yourself and if your getting negative comments on this thread, well what do you expect. 

Don't get pissed at the people with the comments that you don't like. You brought this mess on by not having the common sense to know when to bail out of a bad situation and now it's worse and IMO only going to increase.

To make matters worse, you now have a child who is part of this train wreck and the way your wife is acting, you should get a DNA test. This mess should have ended when you found her in bed with the other guy and could have been over if you would have thrown her out along with him

Look in a mirror and you'll see who is to blame. Sorry if my post hurts but it's the truth and sometimes the truth hurts.


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

Numbersixxx said:


> Looks like that. No adult man with a functioning brain would ask what he should do when the answer is that obvious and self-evident. Might be just masochism.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Great advice! Tell me, how do you know so much about the adult male brain that a statement like yours can be taken seriously? Where did you get a 4 year degree in neurology or psychology? If you dont have either of those, how the hell do you know how an adult male brain functions?Have you studied all adult male brains and found that mine and mine alone isnt working right?
I might be a little defensive but this is the type of post an ******* makes.



PhillyGuy13 said:


> Assuming this post is real.... I have my doubts.
> 
> What makes you think marrying her will suddenly make her faithful? It won't. I wish there was some kind of online resource where you could read hundreds of testimonials about spouses who weren't faithful in their marriage.
> 
> ...


This story is 100% real. I never thought marrying her would change her. Thats why i keep moving the date, i just hoped time would do that. That maybe one day she'd wake up and stop messing around with other guys and just focus on me and her only. 

Why would you give me advice about prostitution? Have i said anything that indicated i need to pay money to have sex? Im no 10/10 but i a pretty good looking dude that is smart and witty. I can get a girl without paying for her.



thummper said:


> You know, I thought about this. :scratchhead: It's soooo outrageous! How could any self-respecting man put up with this kind of nonsense. Seems like, though, one of the moderators warned someone about calling a thread a "troll." I hope it's not, but if it truly is serious, my heart goes out to the OP. Seems like I saw this same thread on Loveshack.


I posted this on loveshack. I didnt grow up dreaming of being in a relationship like this. I dont even really know how it happened. One day we are in love and everything is fine...5 years later this is the boat we are in. I dont understand why people are fine with just stripping me of my self respect though. Maybe everyone else should post their secrets so i can judge them harshly and tell them they lack certain characteristics.


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

6301 said:


> When you came home and found her in bed with another guy, was your first mistake. Some guy screwing your woman in your bed and you forgave her.
> 
> Right then and there you should have ended it. Then for some strange reason you and her agreed to a open marriage and set down rules and she can't live by them and from there it's only gotten worse.
> 
> ...


I know all that. I never said i wasnt responsible for my part in the relationship. Ive recently came to thinking that maybe im co-dependent. I dont know.

The negative comments are annoying because they arent helpful. Its just "huuuuurrrr he has no self respect" and thats it. Really lame, especially coming from people who im sure have problems of their own. Be helpful or dont bother posting. Just making a statement like that without any other words is only self serving to the person who posts it. It has little to do with me.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

thehottness said:


> I dont understand why people are fine with just stripping me of my self respect though.


Your self respect was stripped long before you posted here.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Hotness, it really doesn't matter what any of us on TAM think about you and your situation. The only one it should matter to is you. In reading your texts, I can see the love you have for her and the disappointment in what she's brought to your relationship. I sincerely hope that you two can work on this together and be happy, not only for yourselves, but for your little one as well. They're the ones that often suffer the most when there's tension and discord at home. Life is too short to be miserable. Here's to you two, :toast: and to steal a line from The Hunger Games, may the odds be ever in your favor! Hope it works out better for you than it did for them.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I do agree you have yourself in a very bad situation. Its sad that you allowed it to go on this long but now you have to deal with it. 

Order a DNA Test they are a little over a 100 dollars. Do not tell your GF. Just swab your child and yourself and send it in. It takes a little over 10 days depending on the place to get the results back. 

Once you have these results plan your departure from this horrible relationship. That is right even if this is your child you have to get away from this woman. She does not have a ounce of respect for herself and you are going to have to get away from her so you can get help for yourself. 

If it is yours then setup an agreement on shared custody and move on with your life. There are far better women out there. You will never be able to fix this woman and you are going to go through hell just trying to fix yourself at this point. 

Clay


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## HeartInPieces (Sep 13, 2013)

thehottness said:


> Ive been with my fiancee for 5 years. We dated for 2 years and i asked her to marry me 3 years ago. The plan was to marry last year, but it never happened. Ill get to the meat of the details and then see if anyone can relate or give me advice
> 
> >Early in our relationship, she was always chatting on messenger with other guys. I became aware to this about 9 months in. I told her it upset me and she said it would stop.
> 
> ...


Is there a reason why you have posted this same story on another forum?

my fiancee is constantly having some sort of affair - LoveShack.org Community Forums


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

thehottness said:


> Why do any of the kids need help from a specialist. Nothing that has happened between us is going to negatively effect the kids


The specialist is for you, not for your kid.
Kids, whether it's proven is yours or not, need stability, reliance, security, role models, a enviroment conducive to grow up healty at all levels.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

@Amplexor - please take a look at this one....


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I think if the OP and his fiancé promise to be monogamous moving forward, it will work out fine.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Me too, Plan. They are both honest and upright and understand the meaning of integrity. Their daughter has two really good role models.

Seriously, I think daughter is not safe with a mom like that. Exposure to a lot of strange men puts her at risk.

OP. Take your daughter away and get help for the way you let this ***** of a woman warp you. You need to think about your little girl and not about how to control her mom. That woman is far too messed up.


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

HeartInPieces said:


> Is there a reason why you have posted this same story on another forum?
> 
> my fiancee is constantly having some sort of affair - LoveShack.org Community Forums


Yeah, i figured the more places i posted, i'd have better chances at getting some different perspectives. I chose the two relationship forums with the most traffic.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I think if the OP and his fiancé promise to be monogamous moving forward, it will work out fine.


 100% agree. He should give her another chance. Everyone makes mistakes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I think if the OP and his fiancé promise to be monogamous moving forward, it will work out fine.


It must not be a good sign if this made me laugh



clipclop2 said:


> Me too, Plan. They are both honest and upright and understand the meaning of integrity. Their daughter has two really good role models.
> 
> Seriously, I think daughter is not safe with a mom like that. Exposure to a lot of strange men puts her at risk.
> 
> OP. Take your daughter away and get help for the way you let this ***** of a woman warp you. You need to think about your little girl and not about how to control her mom. That woman is far too messed up.


Ive thought that same thing but she would never put my daughter in harms way. My daughter deserves a relationship with her mother, regardless of how her mother has treated me. To me, that is putting my daughter first


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

thehottness said:


> Why would you give me advice about prostitution? .


Because whether you know it or not, you are engaged to one. She carries a black book of gentleman callers she often calls upon to have sex with on a regular basis, right under your nose. I hope she is at least getting paid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

thehottness said:


> Yeah, i figured the more places i posted, i'd have better chances at getting some different perspectives. I chose the two relationship forums with the most traffic.


None of your followup posts indicate that you are open to any constructive advice. Maybe you aren't trolling, but if you genuinely think your situation isn't filled with drama (including some you contributed) beyond 99% of relationships, then you come off as delusional or at least have very low standards when it comes to relationships. You've posted about multiple affairs on both sides, multiple phases of open relationships, the fact this girl is openly uninterested in a substantive relationship with you, and a child with unknown paternity.

Any ONE of these things on ONE occasion to ANY degree would be enough for most people to seriously consider ending a relationship.

You post here, but all your responses say you are just fine with how she is, mostly.

So what was your goal? FWIW I was at Love Shack before I came here (posters there recommended this place, actually), and I don't think anyone there is going to validate your inexplicable decisions, either.

MAYBE some cuckold forums would be a little more your speed, but I think even those people might have a hard time believing all this. Though at least they could probably help prepare you for a life of watching your wife do other men and clean up after them, if that's what you are into.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

*Re: Re: my fiance is always in some type of affair*



thehottness said:


> It must not be a good sign if this made me laugh
> 
> 
> 
> Ive thought that same thing but she would never put my daughter in harms way. My daughter deserves a relationship with her mother, regardless of how her mother has treated me. To me, that is putting my daughter first


Your wife is already putting her at risk.

Guys who like little girls are crafty. Your wife is sick and into her own issues more than anything else in the entire world.

So cut the naive crap.

She is a *****. She is involved with different men and is not discriminating. 

She is at risk for AIDS.

Do some reading and start acting like a man.

This is no joke.

If anything happens to that little girl it is on you for not protecting her from a horrible situation.


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

martyc47 said:


> None of your followup posts indicate that you are open to any constructive advice. Maybe you aren't trolling, but if you genuinely think your situation isn't filled with drama (including some you contributed) beyond 99% of relationships, then you come off as delusional or at least have very low standards when it comes to relationships. You've posted about multiple affairs on both sides, multiple phases of open relationships, the fact this girl is openly uninterested in a substantive relationship with you, and a child with unknown paternity.
> 
> Any ONE of these things on ONE occasion to ANY degree would be enough for most people to seriously consider ending a relationship.
> 
> ...


Im not looking for validation from these posts. I was actually hoping people who had similar situations would post and i could engage in a conversation where judgement isnt just thrown around. Im very open to constructive advice. My follow up posts to some of the members does show differently though. Ill admit that i have been a bit more defensive than i should be. I should just let comments i disagree with go and move on. That being said, there are people who only post "advice" to make themselves feel better or look better, and its blatantly obvious. That's where my defensive demenor is coming from. I dont feel like those posts were constructive at all. They offered no advice, just jumping to judgements about me or my family based on a small bit of info given. Of course those people have every right to respond however they want, but i have a right to do the same. I apologize to any of the people who i responded to if i came off as mean or whatever, i just dont know how to address this without taking every comment deeply personal. I'll try to be better about that. The most common advice is to get a paternity test but i dont think its the right course of action. Shes my daughter regardless of what some test says. I feed and change her everyday. I was at the first ultrasound and her birth and every doctor and obg/yn appointment in between. She's mine and that wont change. I'll do whatever it takes to give her everything she needs, including having a mother in her life.

I'm definately no cuckold. I considered that possibility a while ago but quickly realized that it wasnt how i am. I'll admit there is a part of me that is turned on when i think about her with another guy(telling her that is what started the open relationship. When i first walked in on her with the first guy i was upset but also turned on). That being said, i realized that she doesnt seem to want to follow any of the boundries i set in an open relationship and it destroys me. Does that make me cuckold or a guy that can sexualize his girlfriend?


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## thehottness (Feb 2, 2014)

clipclop2 said:


> Your wife is already putting her at risk.
> 
> Guys who like little girls are crafty. Your wife is sick and into her own issues more than anything else in the entire world.
> 
> ...


Yeah, i know that im responsible for keeping my daughter safe. Why do you think that isnt my main concern? Why is my wife sick? Shes cheated on me but shes not a deviant. Other than that she is a decent person. Just because she hurts me doesnt mean she doesnt deserve to be around her kid. Stop treating her so awful. Ive only really told you the bad parts about her and even then theres no reason to take this kind of stance. Shes just as worried about pedophiles as I am. Shes not a sex starved idiot who will let just anyone close to her children. Give her more credit than that at least.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

OP, I think the advice of getting the paternity test now, regardless of how you feel about your daughter, is to give you peace of mind that she is yours. You will always have a little bit of doubt, no matter how small a chance. If it turns out she is not yours then you can protect yourself a bit legally. But that doesn't prohibit you from still loving the baby and being a positive influence on her, if you choose to be.

I stand by my originally posts, no matter how glib they were, that you should not pursue a relationship with this woman. If you are bounded by a child then keep it at that. Otherwise for your own sanity move on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I can't give her the credit you give her. And I wonder why you trust her at all given that she is a liar and a cheat.

Her lack of boundaries places your daughter at risk. Ask any kid who was molested and they will tell you how boundary breaches created the opportunity.

You aren't in love, IMO. You have been some sort of brain-washed. 

Tell me how your little girl is going to take learning the truth about her parents. She will see you as weak, making her even more vulnerable. 

Your wife will be an embarrassment to her.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

thehottness said:


> Yeah, i know that im responsible for keeping my daughter safe. Why do you think that isnt my main concern? Why is my wife sick? Shes cheated on me but shes not a deviant. Other than that she is a decent person. Just because she hurts me doesnt mean she doesnt deserve to be around her kid. Stop treating her so awful. Ive only really told you the bad parts about her and even then theres no reason to take this kind of stance. Shes just as worried about pedophiles as I am. Shes not a sex starved idiot who will let just anyone close to her children. Give her more credit than that at least.


Ok, let me try. The reason people are saying you have no self respect is because your woman has cheated on you repeatedly and you have not thrown her out. Only 15% of men keep a wife that has cheated once.

You don't even know how many men she has cheated with. Your wife is in an open relationship but you ar not allowed. You are not the leader of your family. By definition this makes you a "door mat."

Your wife is a serial cheater, google that. She cannot stop, she cannot be fixed by counseling. If you can get the truth out of her you will almost certainly find she was abused sexually.

The only way you can stay with her (until she finds someone she thinks is better) is if you accept all the things she has done. She can not stop.

You need to move on and take care of your child before she beomes just like your wife.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

*Re: Re: my fiance is always in some type of affair*



Chaparral said:


> . If you can get the truth out of her you will almost certainly find she was abused sexually.


I believe this will be the case. And she can't protect your daughter until she learns to protect herself.

I don't believe she can't be fixed. But I know she can't do anything positive unless she gets help.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

thehottness said:


> I appreciate people responding and offering advice/criticism. That said, why do some of yall feel the need to be so negative, degrading or cynical?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Really? 

Even I, with my very basic level counselling qualification, know that that almost certainly is not true.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Do the 180 on your cheating friend. 

Tell her the results of what you know are from the PI you hired.

Do not marry this female.

she is a cheater and a cheater.

Do the best thing that you can do. Drive her over to the OM without your daughter.

Have her take her bags with her. Keep your daughter away from the OM. he may have the inclination to molest her. Keep her safe.

After the cheater is gone with the OM, you and your daughter become hard to find.


Run from this cheating woman. Quick, hide. I hope the OM will let her stay at his house. If he is married, inform his wife. She will not mind taking care of one more.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

thehottness said:


> I'm definately no cuckold. I considered that possibility a while ago but quickly realized that it wasnt how i am. I'll admit there is a part of me that is turned on when i think about her with another guy(telling her that is what started the open relationship. When i first walked in on her with the first guy i was upset but also turned on). That being said, i realized that she doesnt seem to want to follow any of the boundries i set in an open relationship and it destroys me. Does that make me cuckold or a guy that can sexualize his girlfriend?


 Your pissed off that she's cheating on you and yet your turned on when you caught her. She knows that and now when she breaks the rules and you still do nothing about it, all your doing is sending her a message that you'll be "unhappy" that she's not living up to her end of the deal and just hope that she changes her ways.

What your doing is giving her the best of both worlds by not putting a stop to this mess and giving her the boot and she has the security of a home life with a family.

Do you understand that by letting her live that kind of a life is only going to make your life more miserable. You have to let her know in a way that she finally understands that she crossed the line once too many times and now she has to answer for her infidelity. 

The only way she's going to understand is by slapping her with divorce papers and letting her know that you will get 50% custody of your daughter.

In other words friend, you got to bring the hammer down on her cheating ass hard enough that she finally grasps the severity of her behavior. Only then will she open her eyes and close her legs. 

Now the big problem is your willingness to make it happen. Your the only one who can do it. By sitting and watching is only making her stronger and you weaker.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

"Now I know I'm being used
That's okay because I like the abuse
I know she's playing with me
That's okay cause I've got no self-esteem"........

........."When she's saying that she wants only me
Then I wonder why she sleeps with my friends
When she's saying that I'm like a disease
Then I wonder how much more I can spend
Well I guess I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer
The more it shows you really care, Right?"
- The Offspring

For some reason I can't get this song out of my mind when I read this thread.


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## daggeredheart (Feb 21, 2012)

Pancakes....you know how you get the griddle warmed up and make weekend pancakes. The first one always fails and you toss it but the rest come out beautiful and fluffy. This woman is your first pancake. You know what to do.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

The OP doesn't understand something about how fear and excitement go together. They can feel similar. He chose the immature interpretation. He went with the feel good interpretation. 

How does it really feel?

Boys think with their penises.

I think the boy doesn't want to give up the boyish pleasure and can recognize the adult pain but is too afraid to accept the truth of it.

His baby girl cannot make adult decisions. Her parents will not.

May I ask where her grandparents are?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

thehottness said:


> Secondly, my daughter looks like me, my brothers and my nephews as a baby. Her ex that could be the father has black hair and i have brown. My baby has red hair, just like my nephews and my father do. Right now im 98% sure shes mine.


It's 2014 and I am still shocked every time I read a response like this from a poster. If you love the child and don't want to know, I completely understand. Sorry, "The baby looks like me/family" is silly to me.

Oh and please look at the definition of cuckold, you are basically a beginning one. You may not be deep, but it oozes from many of your angry posts. If you are cool with that, live your life, but don't complain when she keeps "cheating." You agreed to an open marriage and unless you both REALLY enjoy that lifestyle, someone always ends up feeling like you do. Sounds like you don't or possibly never did, enjoy the lifestyle, but you engaged in it to please your fiance.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I think this is marriage made in heaven. They both have the same values and ethics. They each do not care about putting their partner at risk for STD's. I think they should get married as soon as possible. They are absolutely perfect for each other.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

thehottness said:


> Yeah, i know that im responsible for keeping my daughter safe. Why do you think that isnt my main concern? Why is my wife sick? Shes cheated on me but shes not a deviant. Other than that she is a decent person. Just because she hurts me doesnt mean she doesnt deserve to be around her kid. Stop treating her so awful. Ive only really told you the bad parts about her and even then theres no reason to take this kind of stance. Shes just as worried about pedophiles as I am. Shes not a sex starved idiot who will let just anyone close to her children. Give her more credit than that at least.


This is what you wrote earlier:

*Our baby is now 5 months old(my daughter means everything to me) Right now she is chatting with an ex boyfriend from years ago. My fiancee has always worshipped this guy. He treats her like **** and she comes back for more. She knows i HATE this guy, but for some reason she cant stop talking to him. I have access to her FB page and see her texting him. In the past she has told him lies about me. She told him that i tried to ***** her out so she could get a ride home from a firends house. That night he picked her up and they made out in his car...while i was inside watching her son! She also convinced him recently that i beat her. Ive never laid a hand on her. Shes slapped me several times and i just walk away. They are both in an intense online relationship and i just dont know what to do. I love her sooooo much. I love the daughter she gave me and the family we have. I confronted her about her recent relationship with him and all she did was unfriend him, she still chats with him though. she tells him that she doesnt want to marry me and that she loves him. It hurts soooooo much to read her write those lines. I dont know why i force myself to eavesdrop on her texting but i cant help myself.*

This lady meets the definition of deviant. Slapping you around, etc.

She has no respect for you.

There are not many relationships that can withstand an open marriage. You are not married and you are seeing that she can't even stay true to your agreement about an open relationship.

She has one son and now a daughter to you.

You think the best thing for your daughter is to be with this woman!!!!!!

Let me tell you this, many girls like your daughter will end up like their moms.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Is this for real????


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## adriana (Dec 21, 2013)

bfree said:


> is this for real????


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The Cro-Magnon said:


> Maybe it's your brother's. Or your Dad's.


Not to be insensitive, but I had that exact thought. And even if your daughter is actually yours, you certainly don't want any more children w/ her.

Man, GTFO out of this nightmare of a "relationship".


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Exactly Adriana. That's exactly my reaction. Wow.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

I'm hoping like hell that this isn't real. . . for the sake of a little boy (OP hasn't said how old) and a 5 month old baby girl caught up in this mess.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What doesn't seem real is OP's problem with our opinions. He wants help from others that have been through this. I think he is breaking new ground. I don't think any man has put up with this much.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

To be fair OP, I am sure your not completely shocked at some of the responses you have here, with what you have told everybody about your relationship, which i think is rather shocking myself.

Do you actually ask for self respect, you say you do and your asking for some, but your letting your wife treat you like ****.

Shes shagging tom, ****, harry, behind your back, you have caught her on more than one occasion, AND YOU FORGAVE HER. I agree with the PP. this was your first mistake. you should have walked out the door the first time she cheated, and made a complete idiot out of you.

Then you decide on a open relationship believing this is the best way to go. shes choosing to do this because she wants to sleep with different guys, and cant stay faithful to you, and its her way of sleeping around, and keeping you around as well, so instead of putting an end to this toxic relationship you do the same, and start sleeping about too....... Lovely!!!.

Then she decided she cant handle the fact that you have started sleeping about, and whats to stop the open relationship.

Then in among on the craziness you decide to have a child, which i think is absolutely crazy, Of course its not my place to say, and i am sure you love your child, but surely, you can see why people on here feel the way you do by what you have said has gone on in the relationship. Do you think its the best environment to bring a child into.???

I mean how can you be 100% sure shes yours without the test??. Yes maybe you think the baby does look like you, but just maybe your seeing what you want to see.

I just think this relationship was doomed from the start, and if i was you i would not have let it get this far, It would have ended when i came back from work that first time and found her in bed with that guy.


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