# my husband is addicted to live porn. HELP!!!!



## mommamia123s

Well we are not really married yet but he put a ring on my finger so I know it's pretty serious. BUT, I know he has a problem and I want to know what im up against before it actually happens. This is my story. He gets up for work at 2am sometimes before, he leaves the house at 4:30. (He works in the bay and we live in modesto so it takes some time to get there I know this). I started getting up at the same time as him, not letting him know, I peek around the corner without him seeing me and hes looking at live girls on some porn site called [url removed]. I hate it. He drops the page into the bottom. He says it's disrespectful. So every morning from then on I get up without letting him know and he's on the freakin website. That means he spends 2 hours on there every morning, so I now know why he gets up so early. I wasnt really thinking anything of it until I wanted to talk about it and he got defensive. He refuses to talk about it, says it's his private time for hisself. I know he's been doing it before way before I met him. It has now became a problem because I want to know more. I check him web browser, it's in there. He's got a membership. We used to have a problem having sex cause I wasn't sexually active. But one morning I got brave and just decided to walk in on him and he was masturbating. That's when I said wait a minute, I gotta do something about it, maybe it's me, so from there I have been wearing cute little outfits, ****ty outfits, i do suck, I even made him a video of me masturbating from my phone, but the file was to large to send to him so I let him watch it off my phone, that was 2 weeks ago he still hasnt ask me to see it again. He continues to look at these girls on the web. Now live means you have to tell them what to do for you. I am willing to do whatever he wants me to. I want him to tell me what to do. I like it rough, and for him to show me who's boss, he knows I'm down for whatever. I am worried and mad. My situation gets deeper but I'll save that one for another time. I am an alcoholic, and have been sober for 2 years cause it was getting in the way of our relationship. I quit for him now he refuses to show me the same respect. What do I do? I need all the help I can get.


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## mommamia123s

Thanks for sharing, I really do want all the opinions I can get. I wanna see things from every angle possible. Funny you should mention, I have a tattoo on my wrist that says Love is Patient, Love is Kind.


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## SimplyAmorous

I would NOT marry this man!! He has an addiction, he is putting these live women before you -when he should be IN BED WITH YOU those 2 hours before work. He masterbates to it, this has become a life long habit and he feels no remorse, but defends his private time. This will only get worse when you are married. 

I am not someone who is even against Porn viewing by the way (although "Live" does go against our personal boundaries). And his reaction or NON reaction to your gift to him, very telling, if he did not show great delight and desire for this gift, I say RUN.


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## mommamia123s

This man really changed my life for the better. I know its corny to say, "but i love him", thats besides the fact cause i do love him, but do you think these things can be worked out? i mean it is possible right? And if so where would i begin? Sometimes I give myself a headache trying to figure it all out. It starts to hurt sometimes. I'm lost. I need help. I am reaching out to people I don't even know. I feel confused.


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## Blanca

mommamia123s said:


> And if so where would i begin?


There's a few books you can get that will help you immensly. One is called Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil. The other is Boundaries in Marriage by Dr. Cloud and Townsend. And the last one is Seat of the Soul. 

This isnt something you're going to figure out and solve overnight- even in six months. There's a lot going on for you right now. The best thing you can do right now is tell yourself you are OK, and things will get better, because they will. Its awful to be caught up in the pain and the confusion, but things will get better. Just be patient. You dont know how they will get better yet, but keep your mind open to the answers and they will come slowly but surely. Try reading those books and be open to thinking in new ways. Is counseling for you an option?


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## lovelieswithin

Well the good thing is that he knows he has a problem. The bad news is that he is fighting to keep it going. 
I know you probably feel like he is choosing the girls over you but that's not really what it's about. This is an old habit that's probably been around for years well before you came into the picture. There is one major difference between you and those girls that's keeping him online and not in bed: he is merely te audience and there is no pressure to perform. I really believe men feel great anxiety and pressure to perform greatly with their partner and some men fall into the comforts of becoming a "watcher" and making porn a part of their daily lives. 
I agree with others - you're going to need the prof. help if a counselor. Convince him to attend pre-marriage couples counseling with you in hopes of laying down the foundation for healthy marriage. It probably wouldn't hurt to avoid the main subject until you get into counseling so he doesn't feel like the counseling is all about his problem & get defensive. 
Lots of work to be done but he can get over this addiction once he realizes how great of an effect it could have on your self esteem in the long run.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Hi, let me try to give you idea what's going on
I am a guy who is addicted to livejasmin myself. I can tell you EXACTLY why it is addicting so you have an idea what you are dealing with.
I have a hot girlfriend but I am afraid I am loosing interest in her now. Cybersex feels SOO real. The main draw of it is that you can have all variety of girls you want. White hot blonds, brunnets, latinos, asians, ebony you name it. You can have sex with different partners instantly switching from one to another. The girls are also SUPER SEXY - they are models - and you get to tell them what to do, any position, they will do it. It feels real, because you are talking to them and interacting like you would with your gf on skype for instance. The super good resolution of video combined with the crisp audio create a very realistic feeling of being there with her. I have also developed pretty serious emotional connections with few of the girls there, it's NOT just sex! But again the main kick is that you can have almost real experience with a VARIETY of some of the HOTTEST CHICKS ON THE PLANET. And I mean they are damn young sexy hot. A lot of them are girls from russia and other eastern european countries -- we know they are hot and they need money. What can be more sexually stimulating than this (unless you can afford to sleep with different hot chicks every night)? I have been porn addict for 10 years but this is a totally different beast. To me this is also more addicting than having one-night stands because 1) you are not likely to get as hot of a girl in real life as there are on sexcam site 2) you don't have sex instantly while here you can. 
Your boyfriend may not be as badly addicted as I am, but I am telling you how bad it can get. It costs a buck btw. One minute on livejasmin is standardly 1.99 and can go up to 3.99. If you spend 20 minutes there, that's at least $40. I discovered livejasmin 4 months ago and have been hooked ever since and have spent at least $1500.
I will be brutally honest with you but I will share my advice. I don't think you can even closely compete with those models (with variety of them) on livejasmin. Even if you are a model yourself (my girl comes close) you can't beat the site. Your boyfriend needs to realize his addiction (like I do right now), stop doing cybersex and try to erase memories of cybersex experiences he must have developed already as much as he can. Only then you will be attractive to him again. You'll need to keep yourself sexy for him too in the future (the baggage of cybersex memories and the temptation to go back to it will probably always be there for him) But if he does his part and you do your part you guys should be able to have normal relationship and sex relationship in the future.
Good luck!


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Marriage counseling won't hurt I think too. But it will be up to him to kick the addiction. It's very much like heroin once you've tried it you are hooked.


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## mommamia123s

hey niceguybutaddicted. i thank u so much for that info. nope he is way past addicted. we just got into it yesterday cause of that red page, that's what i call it. he was on there all day. every time i walked into the room where he was on the computer at, he was on it. really to tell you the truth, i dont care if he gets on there, but i want him to handle me first. he gets on it at 2 in the morning and i dont care cause im sleep get's off at 4:30, as long as he does me the night before, i'm cool. i want him to do me as much as he does the red page, and i tell him that, but that god damn red page gets him more then i do. i know it costs alot of money and he has a membership cause he refuses to let me handle anything to do with his account. thats because he dosnt want me to see how much he's spending on it. i know these girls are beautiful, and i'm probably not as hot as them, but i am hot, the people in the world tells me every day. i'm not self concious, i'll do anything he wants me to also, i mean anything. he's still not as interested. i have just recently made him a 2 hour video on my own for him in costume, out of costume, this way that way, with this with that, and he hasnt watch it yet. i get it that it's an addiction, but yesterday he flat out told me not to tell him what to do, he said he's not gonna stop and if i keep whinning about it, i'm only gonna push him away. now i need to know should i be competing with a stupid computer. how do you do that cause i'm not tryna lose my man to a computer. i do got it like that, atleast i thought i did. do i become more sexually aggressive or give up???


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Hi mommamia123s, I really feel for you (and for your husband) That's how i think of livejasmin too - "the Red page", your right. That god damn red page has hooked me badly and I'm ashamed to admit since I wrote that post I've already spent at least $400 on the girls. I've made a pretty firm decision to cut with it or at least slow down. For one thing it's major drain on my bank account but also I know it will have far reaching consequences in my future marriage; your husband is one example of what type of person any of us sex cam users can become. So I don't judge your husband harshly but I don't condone of his behavior either, not the least. In fact his behavior is to say the least very inconsiderate towards you, but I can clearly see that he's absolutely addicted.
I will need to continue replying you tomorrow ( i need my sleep now . I think I have couple tips/suggestions for you there. I reach out to you with my goodwill and understanding meanwhile as I can see you get mistreated by your husband's unfortunate addiction


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## mommamia123s

hi niceguybutaddicted. i cant tell u how talking with u makes me feel so much better. just talking with someone who actually has this problem has really opened my eyes. what else u got. I am glad that we can both benifit from this, as u were saying since your last post it really made u think about it too. u see i dont think the girl should not want her man to watch porn,hell, i do every day, the only thing is when it takes over the relationship. so, i have not given up, i have decided to compete with the computer before i give up. i have also decided to take your advice and stay sexy even in my sleep. i have also added on one more scene to my video before i showed it to him, i knew it had to be good. i made him watch it. i dont think he was expecting what he saw. he loved it. he never took his eyes of the t.v. i never seen that look in his eyes before. the way he looked at it was like he was in there. it was great watching him watching me. this made real good foreplay. he really enjoyed it. now i know what it is that he likes, so i think i've found the way to slow him down, which is to make my own videos for him. i also enjoyed making the videos. that was last night. now when he got up this morning at 2am, he went right to "the red page". i only hope this will slow him down. this was my first time. that's all of work and time to make this happen but i'll try anythng once. so does your lady know you get on "the red page"? does she have a problem with it?


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Dear mommamia123s, I'm glad you find my posts helpful for you. I really want to be honest about my experience, not embellish anything so it can give you a perspective on your boyfriends' liveporn addiction. Therefore I write here with the sense of responsibility. I do believe live porn is on a whole level different sex experience from other types of porn. I actually now strongly believe there should be relationship counseling with just liveporn specialization, and I believe this will happen as more couples get into a situation like yours. I hope someone wiser than me can also give you a professional advice what to do here. I will however give you my best opinion.
You are not sure whether you can compete with the red page. The answer depends on what you mean by compete. If you mean that you want to compete for sexiness, attractiveness and beauty then no, I am sorry to say you will lose. They have hundreds of some of the most sexy, beautiful women on the planet there. It's not you, I believe you you are hot and all, but no woman can compete with thousands of other hot sexy models. You see, the appeal of livejasmin and any porn for that matter is the variety of women you can watch. Livejasmin has a staggering variety of most beautiful girls and women. But you said you are fine with him watching porn as long as he likes and do things with you first. That makes things simpler. Many women like you don't mind their husbands watching porn and making love to them, in fact I did this with my girlfriend, we watched porn together to have a better foreplay.
But let's draw a line here. There is big distinction between conventional porn and live porn. Conventional porn -- pictures, movies, what not is impersonal. You watch other hot people perform sex in group or solo. Yes you can fantasize that you are the one participating with them. But it's just a fantasy, never fully satisfying. The porn stars are only in your fantasy, not really there with you. So you crave real relationship and go to your girlfriend/wife to fully satisfy you. Conventional porn is for sexual release, not emotional. 
Live porn is both, so it's no longer porn in my opinion but a form of relationship. You check out a new girl you have some talk with her, ask name, age, maybe she asks what you like in sex. It's so exhilarating that you can engage in conversation also, if you want you can be on a cam so she can see you also, that becomes more personal still.
The sex itself is quite realistic if not to say real. If you hit on the right girl in the right time when she is in the mood you can make her have good time and forget yourself that it's on the web. I don't want to go into details here but I'm telling you it was emotionally quite satisfying on the occasions to have sex with those performers. You ask me, I'll say it's not a good thing if you also have a girlfriend or a wife. It's kind of .. cheating. But first it didn't look to me so. I started just looking at girl's bodies there on free chat. Then, tried my first private.. and then it started. 0.0
You asked if my girl knows? No. I've been living separately as I work in one city, she's in another, so I have kept this secret, doing mostly in the evenings after talking over the phone with her. I see her on weekends. I noticed I think less of her now and she appears less attractive to me now...sadly. Being on jasmin long makes you picky, even beautiful girls are not as good, you look for gems.. it's not good, not good.
I'll continue shortly..


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## mommamia123s

oh wow. that was really deep. i could actually visualize everything you were saying. did u say seperate life? i couldnt imagine that. that's gotta be eating u inside never talking about it. atleast i know what it is that my man is doing. but i had to investigate to find out, i had help to do that. it's almost kinda the same, you lady would leave u if she found out and mine would leave me if i make him quit (or try to make him quit). like i said, i really appriciate all you advice and opinions. and please do refer me, i want to see this thing from every angle. u have no idea how this has helped me. i hope we can stay in contact. you can let me know how it is from the inside and i'll let you know how it is from the outside. i guess things could be worse for me. my man took me off the streets when i was smoking dope and drinking alcohol everyday, i didnt have a room over my head every night nor did i know when the next time i was gonna eat. since i've been with my love, i've quit everything been sober, cold turkey. i could never imagine my life the way it was before and that's why i think i love him even harder. ive never been so happy, my man is a hard worker, he's a crane mechanic in oakland. he works 7 days a week, pays all the bills and gives me $100 dollar allowance a week. i don't have a job. i go to school once a week. so i guess it could be much worse for me. when i think of all these things, i think to my self, should i turn my head and deal with it? he holds all the cards and i just want us to work.


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## niceGuybutAddicted

hi mommamia123s
I'm really glad this has helped you. It's been also a way to express my problem with liveporn. Yes, I can't say anything about what I do online to my girlfriend and it's like a secret world. In the past I would tell her everything to the smallest detail of my life. Now it's a big part of my life and I have to be careful not to let it out. 

Wow what a story. I certainly see why you love him despite his porn thing. He had rescued you from that life. I admire your staying clean and not drinking since then. But well it's not a good thing to settle for his addiction at least not yet and you should think twice before you do. Remember if you have tried everything and nothing works and you are not happy you have an option to leave and seek another person who will not cheat online. Now however you should try working on this more. The way I see it now if your boyfriend had done so much for you he must have loved you at some point and probably he cares about you now. Or does he? What made him do liveporn in the first place do you know? You say he did porn before, but was it live porn? 
I know personally I wasn't getting a fulfilling relationship with my girl. I care a lot for her now still but there was something missing in my relationship, always. I am a philosopher kind of person, like to think things deep when she doesn't think as deep so we don't click on that level. It's not her fault I understand but I felt something was missing I didn't want to let her go but at the same time craved for more from a girl. I got some of it from livejasmin. Livejasmin is not exactly place to look for deepthinkers but I discovered there are some smart girls, i loved talking to some of them. 
Perhaps something is missing in your relationship. Do you understand your boy completely? Do you know what his dreams are, aspirations. We want our girls not just be hot and be there for sex but understand our souls and be inspiring, interesting companions in our lives. Are you being the girl of his dreams, not sexually but emotionally, intellectually and spiritually? I am not saying that's the cause in his addiction, but that's one possible cause. It was one of the causes in my situation. 
You need to understand what the cause there is and you can do that only through communication. And you can have open communication only if you hold his heart. You basically need to find out what is it he lacks in your relationship that he can get on the red page. If it is better relationship that he is missing, then you could work on it and improve your relationship, and believe me if he get's same and better level of quality of relationship from you he won't need livejasmin. 
However if it is beautiful girl's bodies he is into then you must make your decision based on how comfortable you are with this.If it hurts you that he is lusting for other girls then bring it on and if he doesn't stop then move on. You are mature and smart and strong enough to move on and be independent and you are attractive to choose another person. Are you gonna be happy long run in this marriage? Think of it, if you are young and hot now and he prefers livejasmin girls, what gonna be the situation when you start getting older? Don't get locked up in a marriage you won't be happy in based on the past good beginnings. 
But if it's really ok with you for him to have virtual sex with other women, then stay, but only if it's ok with you. You should know liveporn is a close thing to actual cheating so bear in mind he could be a cheater in real life later on. Some people are ok with cheating in marriage, they cheat, their spouse cheats and they are ok with such lifestyle. The question is are you ok with that? Is that your vision of marriage? Some people are ok. I know I am raising some difficult questions, but it's the the way life is.
People who will read this will raise their eyebrows saying i'm not supposed to counsel you here. And they are probably right. But with your boyfriend only working and providing money for you, not to say also needing to pay for porn bills, you may not really afford marriage counseling. So I'm just saying what I would do. 
ps: don't take anything personal, I am looking at the situation objectively and wanted to help you
pss: here is one tip, since you are spying on him already does he mostly spend time talking (typing) on livejasmin or does he do sex most of time? Does he have one or two favorites that he spends time with or does he change girls all the time. Is he visibly happy (smiling, agitated) when talking to girls or is he just intently looking at the girl's bodies. If the answer to all 3 questions is the first most of time then he is looking for relationship if it's the second then he is there for sex mostly.
good luck!!


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Anyone else would like to comment and provide additional perspective? I don't want to advice mommamia123s in wrong. I need a reality check here too.


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## mommamia123s

no,no, no, i dont think of this as couseling, i think of it as advice, a different perspective. i am soaking it all in and really thinking about it. true niceguybutaddicted has an addiction of his own to deal, but what i think is great is how he lets me know in details what it's like on the inside. i visualize and think, this is what my man is looking at, i get a better idea of how seriouse it is. i know its an addiction, i treat it like one. i had an addiction for 9 years with alcohol and your right, i can never step foot in a bar again, but what my problem is, is he refuses to talk about it at all, i just want to be there for him, help him like he helped me, but he wont let me. he tells me not to be jealous over a computer, that maybe i dont have any self esteem. absolutley not the case. livejasmin is not gonna bare your kids. awhile back my man bought me a wedding ring, never asked me to marry but still put a ring on it. being though im female and we tend to get carried away, i just assumed he was proposing. silly me. well just recently, i've been like why do i wear the engagement ring and wedding ring, im not married, so i took off the wedding one and left on the engagement ring. he noticed last night i was only wearing the one, he got really upset, it was a big ol' thing. says he's not getting married for a long time to stop pushing him. he's the one who brought it up. he goes to bed. gets up at about 10:30 pm and leaves. this is the secong night he's done that. he used to do it before, but now he's doing it again. he takes his car keys with him to work when he drives the truck. i know he's hiding something. maybe i'm loving him too hard. yes i am strong, and independent. i know i dont have to put up with it belive me, i'm not gonna just let him walk all over me cause he holds all the cards. nope that's not in my genes. i do however love the hell out of him and not ready to let go yet. to answer your question i never see him typing just laid back in the computer chair, **** in hand, staring intensively.


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## mommamia123s

he is turning the tables on me. you see i did tell him that i dont care if he looks at porn, but when it's taking away from our time together, thats when i get mad. for instance, occassionally he gets weekends off, i dont really get to see him, one weekend he spent all day on "the red page" till it became night time. it was a saturday and we always have movie day together. i got fed up when it was 9 o'clock at night and i walked into the kitchen, he was on "the red page". i told him why dont you come watch a movie with me. he said i'm busy. i said, oh i see, you'd rather be with the computer then me. alright then, i told him, sorry to interupt(sarcastically). he told me i was irritating him, the reason he said this was because every time he got on the computer i went in there. he did come lay down, but he went right to sleep.


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Hi mommamia123, Hi Mommy22
Sorry, I've been away for a while. I actually went on a vacation with my girl for almost a week. Went to all kinds of attractions, cooked together, did all kinds of stuff together, was awesome.
I discovered how caring and nice she is just by spending time together. All this was great. But.. we tried having sex often and I discovered a sad thing -- she doesn't turn me on as much as porn. Sad, right?
I don't know what to do about it. I guess if I stop looking at (all kinds ) of women (I have not done liveporn for almost a week now btw) I should develop enough sexual drive for just one girl right?
You see mommamia, I'm asking myself this question, but that's what your guy has to deal with too. I'm sure your hot, but after having cybersex with red page girls for this long, he is not satisfied with just you.
Mommy22 is right he has to stop liveporn completely. Let's be realistic though. In our age and time you can't stop doing all porn once and for all. It's admirable, but probably that's too much to ask. But if you do porn (I mean conventional one -- pictures or some movies) either do it together or limit the activity to bare minimum when you do it alone.
mommamia, I wonder if your boyfriend realizes that he has a problem. I do now. I have a huge problem. And I commit to do something to fix it. I know I will fail sometimes, but seriously, it's embarrassing and sad when you can't come for a girl who you know loves you much. I need to change that. 
Mommy22 suggested counseling and I support that except I don't see easy way for you to talk him into this or come up with the money to pay for it. Or maybe you should let him read this thread so he can tell he needs to stop abusing his mind and neglecting you.
Cheers


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## Ladybugs

my advice
"run"


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## Ladybugs

He is using the 'addiction' word imo, so that he can wash his hands of any responsibility....sorry honey, Im addicted. I cant have sex with you, im too busy watching these hot chicks.'

anyone can do that with just about anything in their life, name something an addiction, then you get to hold on to basic good person status who is unfortunate enough to have an addiction. 
I do bleieve in addictions, alcohol, and drugs chemically addict you.
but people take the word too far as license to get off doing what they want to and CHOOSE to do
even if it was an 'addiction', the thing is he is not even feeling sorry about it or showing any sign of wanting to stop. He is basically saying 'screw you' and abandoning you while he spends hours in there, even that movie night thing- NO WAY, NO CAN DO would be my mantra
he is basically choosing those girls over you.
Run, fast and far away

its pretty heartbreaking that you took the time to tape yourself on the phone and he doesnt even look at it.
honey I will say it one more time,
RUN!!!


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## niceGuybutAddicted

laelsmom said:


> He is using the 'addiction' word imo, so that he can wash his hands of any responsibility....sorry honey, Im addicted. I cant have sex with you, im too busy watching these hot chicks.'
> 
> anyone can do that with just about anything in their life, name something an addiction, then you get to hold on to basic good person status who is unfortunate enough to have an addiction.
> I do bleieve in addictions, alcohol, and drugs chemically addict you.
> but people take the word too far as license to get off doing what they want to and CHOOSE to do
> even if it was an 'addiction', the thing is he is not even feeling sorry about it or showing any sign of wanting to stop. He is basically saying 'screw you' and abandoning you while he spends hours in there, even that movie night thing- NO WAY, NO CAN DO would be my mantra
> he is basically choosing those girls over you.
> Run, fast and far away
> 
> its pretty heartbreaking that you took the time to tape yourself on the phone and he doesnt even look at it.
> honey I will say it one more time,
> RUN!!!


laelsmom did you read momamia's all previous posts? She can't run just like that. Not right away. With past history of living on streets, alcohol addictions, probably no college education or job experience, with depending on her boyfriend financially completely (receiving $100 allowance a week)..Can she just walk away now and be able provide for herself? Or will she end up on the streets again. I'm afraid latter may happen. Plus she says she loves that guy for all good he had done to her, despite all that porn..That makes it complicated. Sure the situation has to be resolved. I'd say give it a more aggressive try, try "knocking him into senses" by talking more, possibly involving 3rd person in some counseling, and if he persists.. at least she needs a plan --financial and emotional resources -- to walk out of this relationship and have a better future than the present or past.


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Thank you mommy22 for encouragement,
I'll try my best. 
It's hard. I've read one quote somewhere, can't remember exact words but along the lines of "Self-satisfaction is an empty experience, but as for an empty experience it's a pretty good one"

This is gonna be honest, I would not say this in front of any one in real. 
There are two things in sexual experience -- the gratification of sex itself and the emotional connection with the person. You are right, you can't have a real emotional connection with porn, so it's ultimately unfulfilling. However as for sexual gratification porn is STRONG. Once you had experienced the high from porn it's not easily forgettable. The researchers say that the gratification from porn when taken the brain scans of the users is stronger than of cocaine users. The analogy with alcohol is not valid in my opinion, alcohol makes you relax and forget but it's not euphoric. Porn and drugs is a more fair comparison in my opinion. Porn is also easier to consume than alcohol, quicker and definitely more discrete. 
So I'm just saying it's hard. I wish they never had invented internet
Thank you for your encouragement though, I appreciate.


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## niceGuybutAddicted

I see
you hit it on the nail, One must want something. 
that's what's hard sometimes to want it. But you are right and let's end it here

wish mommamia lets us know how it's going and hope it's all right for her


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## mommamia123s

I'm back. My man has had a couple of days off from work. We have had the best couple of days. It has been all about us. Great sex, great foreplay. Just geat. It's kinda scary. For thesse past couple of days, he has been real discrete with the whole "red page". I know he still gets up and gets on it in the mornings cause i check his history, but usually he'll be on there in the day time all day. I don't know what's going on or how long it will last, but I hope it stays this way atleast till after the holidays. I have a habit of holding a grude and I don't want to be the grinch this year. Hey niceguybutaddicted, I am so glad to hear that you actually enjoyed yourself. Kinda made you realize what you have huh? Atleast your willing to try. That's the first step, admitting you have a problem. I would really love to see you through this. Stay off there, she loves you. Try somethin new. It'll all come back to you. you have to distinguish reality from virtuality. You just have them backwards cause you spend so much time there. there are so many more things you can experience in reality then you can in virtuality, you just have to be creative and use your imagination. Now if I could just get my man to tell the difference, my life would be perfect. If my man ever knew I discussed my business in the open with you guys, he would for sure leave me. He despises me telling my business to my best friend and she's the only one I have to talk to (besides you guys). When the time comes, I will remember everything we have discussed throughout these posts and use it to my advantage. That's why I am so greatful for you guys, I'm not alone and not in the dark. Thank you


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## niceGuybutAddicted

mommamia,
Great to hear that! Appreciate good words from you, yes I want to stay off the liveporn and I'm doing good, I go check on the girls I've befriended and decline talking to them much. Yet I can't make myself break on them completely as it feels like a friendship already. But eventually it will work out i know. Good luck to you. Don't worry that he finds out, if you don't show him this forum he won't know. And if he finds out it's still anonymous for you and him so it's not like anyone knows him in person. And yes, I'd like to see you through your situation too.
Take care, and good luck!! Happy Thanksgiving and Happy Holidays!


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## Blanca

niceGuybutAddicted said:


> Let's be realistic though. In our age and time you can't stop doing all porn once and for all. It's admirable, but probably that's too much to ask.


Its not too much niceguy. It might feel that way right now, but my H has stopped all porn. everything. we dont even see suggestive movies. We dont own a tv. we dont watch tv shows. He's only slipped up once in a couple years, and even then he didnt really look at the site. He wont get a phone that he cant get a site blocker on. that's why he doesnt have a droid. he'll get an iphone because it has a program that effectively blocks all porn. everything. not even a suggestive picture shows up. 

but to do what it takes to quit you have to really want it, for yourself. Not for someone else. not because you cant get it up for a 'real' girl, not because someone else tells you you're missing out, and not because you feel guilty at times. you'll have to find out why its worth it for you to quit. Right now, its not worth it for you. I only hope you are honest with your girlfriend about your addiction. If not, well, because im working on curbing my temper towards people like that, i cant say what i think.


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## mommamia123s

I come here when I want to vent, and that's exactly what I need to do right now. I knew it was to good to be true. My man is back at it again and this time I think it's more serious. I always check his browser history and for the past two days I've been seeing the same dating sites in there. As if he were looking for love else where, then also for two days now I've been seeing girls names and when I click on the site, it's the girls contact info and confirmation number, it even lets you send them flowers. Both days I seen one girls name twice, like he keeps going back to her. Now I know livejasmin he'll never meet those girls, but dating websites, I think it's gone too far. Now I'm mad and now I'm gonna say somethin. In the end it's him we are gonna feel sorry for. My name is Jeanne, now do ya'll remember when Hurricane Jeanne hit Mexico, well it's gonna happen again.(and I mean Mexico as if it were his world). His favorite kind of girl is latinas. That's all he looks at, when he first met me he thought I was latina. I could pass for latina I get that alot but I am a mixture of black and portuguese. The girls he was looking at were not even cute. This sucks, it's the holidays, I just put up my x-mas tree, and I feel like something really bad is gonna happen. I don't know how much more I can take. I've been known to snap, crackle, and pop.


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Jeanna,
we are here to listen and sympathize with you. Yes you are right you will need to talk this over with him. But.. don't make careless decisions.. just saying. I'm sure many people have been in similar situation to yours and someone can identify and help you and tell how to get from this point in life to a better future.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Its just too sad that we even have this thread. While porn has always been available and prevelant in our society, the availability of it 24/7 on the internet has really pushed boundaries and caused a lot of heartache and sadness for spouses of both sexes.

While you can say all day long - they would have done it anyway without the internet, BS - going to the store and buying a sex mag every week or so or wandering into a strip club on the weekends - not something most people have the time or inclination to do every day - but, with the internet, you don't even have to get dressed or comb your hair and you can jump on any porn site at anytime and get your jollies off and ignore and reject the one person who is available, willing and your biggest cheerleader. WTF? 

And I get sick and tired of hearing about the primal urges of a man, his need for visual stimulation, etc. We all have choices, regardless of WHO we are and those excuses are cop-outs.

A solution for all - if you want to look at porn and do all your sexual activities on-line or in on-line fantasies - then stay single - this way no one get hurts, rejected, feels unloved, etc. And then you can do what you want. If your spouse is withholding from you - then get divorced. Why do we continue to get married or put ourselves into relationships where we continually hurt those we profess to love? 

Life is too short for this crap.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Oh and yes, I'm thinking my life is too short for this crap too.


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## mommamia123s

Thank you. That's what i'm thinking to, life is to short for this crap. I know I can easily say what i'm going to do but for real i probably wont. I know I have to be extremely careful at what I say just because it would be so easy for him to say enough, get out. As much as I would like to bring it up, I dont anymore cause I know it'll be an argument, which I can do without. I don't know, I just don't know anymore. It's either or


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Jeanna,
has anything happened since then?


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Yes, I would be interested in an update too.


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## dazedbeauty

Wow, before I found thus site I felt so alone! This is a very sad thread, but I'm comforted by those on it.
Porn has almost destroyed my marriage, our sex life six and I'm getting to the point I don't care anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dazedbeauty

mommamia123s said:


> This man really changed my life for the better. I know its corny to say, "but i love him", thats besides the fact cause i do love him, but do you think these things can be worked out? i mean it is possible right? And if so where would i begin? Sometimes I give myself a headache trying to figure it all out. It starts to hurt sometimes. I'm lost. I need help. I am reaching out to people I don't even know. I feel confused.


Give yourself some credit. YOU changed for the better, just because he inspired you doesn't mean he would make a suitable life partner. He's facing a nasty addiction and isn't willing to quit, and he won't for you. If you marry him then prepare to have a lonely cold bed. Prepare to share him with those porn girls for the long haul. He has to value change, he may never change.
He can even say that you knew about thus before marriage and so he has a right to continue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kingsqueen

niceGuybutAddicted said:


> You'll need to keep yourself sexy for him too in the future (the baggage of cybersex memories and the temptation to go back to it will probably always be there for him) But if he does his part and you do your part you guys should be able to have normal relationship and sex relationship in the future.
> Good luck!


NGBA, I have found your posts interesting, but this comment in particular really doesn't sit well with me. I think that it can very healthy for both partners in any relationship to put forth effort in their physical appearance, but you are setting her up for epic failure here. 

There are an endless, endless supply of young, attractive women online. And as they age, they will be replaced by new, young, attractive women. You have said yourself that no woman in reality would compare to these virtual women, and yet you are encouraging the OP to "keep herself sexy" for her partner, to compete physically with these women. It is an impossible standard to meet. The OP is a real woman, and will have days when she doesn't look her best. As she ages/has children etc, she will continually be competing against women who are not aging/not pregant, etc.

This is the addict's issue. He is creating an impossible standard, and that standard will bring no happiness to anyone.

NGBA, you acknowledge your addiction and even claim to want to change things, and yet you still justify your addiction and pursue it. The OP's SO is not even where you are, and this problem is not going away. She should not be running herself ragged making videos trying to please him. She will always fail, and that will takes a toll on her (which she shouldn't have to pay).

I think that the OP's best course of action is to start laying groundwork to leave this man ASAP. There is so much better out there.


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## niceGuybutAddicted

Kingsqueen,
thanks for the comment on my post. I see where you are coming from, but you misunderstood what I was saying. Here is a quote from your post
"There are an endless, endless supply of young, attractive women online. And as they age, they will be replaced by new, young, attractive women. You have said yourself that no woman in reality would compare to these virtual women, and yet you are encouraging the OP to "keep herself sexy" for her partner, to compete physically with these women. It is an impossible standard to meet. The OP is a real woman, and will have days when she doesn't look her best. As she ages/has children etc, she will continually be competing against women who are not aging/not pregant, etc."

What you assume is that I suggest that OP should compete with the cyberwomen and that's not what I was saying. Here is the full quote from my previous post

"Your boyfriend needs to realize his addiction (like I do right now), stop doing cybersex and try to erase memories of cybersex experiences he must have developed already as much as he can. Only then you will be attractive to him again. You'll need to keep yourself sexy for him too in the future (the baggage of cybersex memories and the temptation to go back to it will probably always be there for him) But if he does his part and you do your part you guys should be able to have normal relationship and sex relationship in the future.
Good luck!."

As you can see what I was saying to OP was that the guy needs to stop doing cybersex and as the time goes on and his brain has adjusted to not having sex with these models, his gf will satisfy him just great. But I suggested further that she should not get complacent then, but keep up her looks (as much as it's practically possible, aging, pregnancy added pounds all of that I understand). By looking good she will protect him from considering cybersex again or having sex on a side and in that way their sex life should be good.
I still believe this is true.

regards


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## kingsqueen

NGBA - I see what you are saying. I suppose that I was triggered by that particular comment without going back to relate it to the whole thought. I read it as you suggesting that these two courses of action happen concurrently (his quitting cybersex and her working on her sex appeal) and thought that you meant for her efforts to be a motivation for him to quit cybersex. In which case, it would have been a direct competition. I don't want the OP internalizing the idea that somehow she is falling short and it is her deficiences that are the problem, but I understand what you are saying.

I guess it boils down to the fact that I have very serious doubts that this particular individual is prepared to give up pornography based on the what the OP says, in which case her efforts are better directed at improving her prospects of leaving him and having a healthy life, rather than trying to save the relationship by "changing" him.


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## Braelynn21203

@ mommamia123s

I don't know if you're still checking this, but I would like to tell you about my story.

My husband is addicted to porn. He started it at an early age, and when we started dating, it was a habit- if not already addicted to it. I, like you, thought you had dealt with the issue before the ring got on your finger. I personally believe that porn is degrading for women, that he shouldn't need it if I am ready and willing each and every day (after all, science says a guy needs it about every 3 days). 

One day, my husband got up for work and started doing his usual morning routine... or so I thought. That morning I happened to be thirsty but didn't have a bottle of water next to my bed like I usually do. So I got out of bed, about 10-15 minutes after he did and when I left the bedroom I saw him sitting in front of the computer, "walking the dog". I thought this was kinda strange, but i figured since our text books and laundry were all over the couch we have he was just using the chair (but in the back of my mind I knew better- but I chose to give him a chance). So I walk into the kitchen, grab some water and walk back to the bedroom door and start talking to him (the screen was off when I first caught him, and I didn't hear any clicking when I went to the kitchen and he was still going at it). As I'm talking to him, I start hearing moaning. At first I was like, "What the hell is that? Where is that coming from?" Then I realize he's got headphone plugged into the computer so I wouldn't hear it in the bedroom.

To make this long story short-er, that was about almost 3 months ago now. After my complete shock and break down to what had happened that day, my husband chose me over his addiction. He's since realized that he's addicted and needs help. He's also started actively going to Sex and Love Addicts Anon. We've also agreed to have a block put on our computer, and we're resetting the passwords to our computers so that only I know what they are. I've started seeing a relationship and marriage counselor, plan on attending recovering couples anon, and I plan on checking out the co-dependents of sexual addicts (a support group for S/O's who have addicted S/O's - and who have one as well). So there is plenty of support out there for you. If you can't afford a counselor, you can also talk to your chaplin or pastor. 

My advice to you (if you chose to take it), is understand that addiction is powerful. It seems so simple to us to just be like, "stop watching porn", when to them their world practically gravitates around it. Like, you know how some people who are addicted to money, and will do anything to make sure they can buy $3000 shoes? It's like that. They will do anything they can to justify feeding their addiction, and the addiction literally has control over their life. Understand how addiction affects him. My second piece of advice is to always communicate effectively. Instead of saying, "You never get off the computer! You never spend time with me!", try saying something like, "You remember last week when we went bowling? I really enjoyed it. The best part was being able to spend time with you." It may inspire him to do something like that again (it did for my relationship, not that you have to do it every time though).

I realize that I'm lucky to have him chose me over this powerful addiction. But I have to tell you that as it is a struggle for him, it's a struggle for me as well. The only way to take it is day by day. I really hope you find the best path for your life. Take care.
-B


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## mommamia123s

so, its been awhile since i have been here and im back so something must have went wrong. i havent been here in awhile because i started taking some of the advice i was given from here as well as from friends and it got better. it got so much better that we got married in april 15, 2011. well since then, it has all gone down hill seriously. recently, i found naked girls in his phone, i found girls numbers that had texted him when can we meet and another one was, do you like the way my crouch looks but in different words. these texted messages were from 2 days after we got married and are still in his phone. when he was comfronted he basically told me i was trippin. he says he doesnt have time for that. he wouldnt do that to me. he was offended and wanted an apology. i keep track of the days we have intercourse and i shockingly discovered that march and april we had intercourse once, my wedding day. this was about the time he was recieving those messages. 2 days ago i was with a friend. i was gonna go to the pumkin patch with my friend and her daughter, but i just decided to go home. i got home and found the front door oped but locked so i knew my husband was close but not home. he showed up 1 hour after me and was shocked to see me home but so was i because he was all dressed up and smelling like cologne. he greets me and says he's gonna go for a ride, on his brand new motorcycle. i was like, you just came in. he says he was on his way to work and decided not to go so he came home. he must think im a damn fool because first of all, he was dressed up, second of all he had none of his work stuff including lunch pail which he never leaves without. when i pointed that out, he gave a little laugh and left the room. what do i do now that im married.


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## dazedbeauty

I remarried May 2005 to who I thought was my dream guy. I was previously married for 15 years to an angry sort of man and I got sick of it. In that marriage I never dealt with porn at all, so when I discovered, three weeks after marriage, that my new husband was very active in porn I was sandbagged to say the least. I was completely shocked, hurt, betrayed, disgusted, and whole emotional crushed thing. I felt ripped off too. I had specifically asked my husband, before marriage, if he was involved in porn because his brother was deeply involved, my husband said, "Nope, I have no use for it." He lied. 
He did what is called "Gaslighting". Check out the old movie. It's about a man that marries a woman and makes her think she is crazy to get her fortune. The thing is, he would do things and then tell her things were different. So she thought she was nuts. Trust your guts and realize your husband is a liar. 
That's what some men do. I knew my husband was into porn. I saw all the evidence, magazines, pictures, DVD's, internet and so on. I'm not sure about live women, but I know for sure media porn. We hardly ever had sex and my self esteem plummeted to an all time low. I am considered attractive, so I thought there was something wrong with me, I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, thin enough.... a never ending list. 
Turns out he had multiple addictions, he was on drugs too. He hid that from me. Oh, and he gambled all our money away. 
So I went through hell for about 3 to 4 years. 
Finally I read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. Boy was that an eye opener! 
I sat down with my husband and quietly told him I wanted out. I told him that we married under false pretenses and that what I thought I was getting into was different than what I got and I wasn't willing to live that way. Divorce would be easier than living in pain. We had no real estate or children together so it would be easy. I also told him that I was aware that he had human rights to live anyway he so chose, and that I had no right to take away his desire to live the way he wanted to, he was free to go. I told him that what I invisioned for my life and what he was doing didn't match up, so it was best that we moved on and that my broken heart would eventually mend.
He did a 180. 
He does still smoke synthetic weed (although lately he's been trying to quit all on his own), and he doesn't do porn or gamble or any other drugs. 
We have sex regularly, and he's fun and flirty. He's who I wanted to marry. (except the "spice" but he's working on that).
I did pack my stuff several times and I did file for divorce several years ago. The only thing left on the papers is to sign in front of a notary and they are legal and binding. He knows those papers are there when I decide I can't stand him anymore. 
I love my husband very much, I adore him. I think he's handsome, funny, smart, industrious, and generally a good soul. However; I love myself too. 
Any situtation that is painful for me I have to get out of for my sanity's sake. Life is too short to live in hell anymore. 
I'm 46 now, I don't want to play childish games. Hope this helps!


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## dazedbeauty

I have to comment, I'm just throwing this out there for consideration. Could it be that this man "rescued" mommamia because she was a victim of circumstance? Think of it, here's this girl who has nothing, and a man takes her in, and now he's in total control, she has NOTHING. She gets emotionally attached to her rescuer and he pretty much has little or no respect for her because she's been rescued and now she owes him in one way or another. Hince, the boundary he places on her about the porn. 
I'm not saying this is what is really happening, but this relationship sounds VERY codependent to me... unhealthy in many ways, porn is just the obvious.


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## mentaltrip

Hi everybody! My name is Sergey and I am from russia. Earlier I was a little webcam studio owner so I know what 'live porn' means. Seems like it is a real evil... since I saw guys doing cam2cam to my girls who were telling them that webcam sites ruined their lives and so on... I knew guys who were spending hours in private video chat with girls whom they would never meet in real. They know it and it makes em even more depressive... I cant see any solution of this problem so far... Cause since there are many poor or not stable countries where always will be girls who are in need of money... Some of them will be ready to do anything to get some money even to become an adult webcam performer... On the other hand, there are many guys in usa and europe who are not satisfied with their fat piggy girls, who are eating hamburgers and all this stuff. The only solution I can see is that all people start to value themselves more. Nobody wants to be fat or ugly or stupid or so on... Every man wants to have pretty innocent virgin for himselve. So I am not surprised that this guy discussed in this topic is not satisfied with mommamia who were alchoholic before. He prefers live girls since he is not watching the back side of the medal  You know some those live girls looks really disqusting b4 putting make up and setting cam to hide wrinkles and so on...So everybody should just value himself since childhood... Dont use drugs, alchohol, sigaretts ect. Think about raw eating, I`ve heard many times that aging goes slower when people use such a way of feeding themselves. Also people looks more equal on raw eating. All those numerous webcam sites are making money cause people are not equal... fat ugly guys who are eating much, drinking and smoking seaching for young fresh girls who would never like them in real life. Build your own life, don`t let others earn money on your problems.


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## Depressed and dazed

Dear Mommamia123
I read with interest the history of your posts and wondered how on earth you thought this 'man' would ever change. He clearly has no respect for you, is abusive, a liar, dishonest and completely lacks maturity, integrity and will power. He was not, is not, and will never be, a marriage prospect. Then as I read on- you had married him! What were you thinking my dear? These traits do not vanish after a wedding ceremony! In fact, with the passing of time, they worsen. There is a book that could be written about the utter worthlessness of this man!!

But, I am more interested in you. How has this, will this, affect your life. your sense of self, sexuality, intergrity, peace and security? Of course you know the answer to that- living in this will destroy all of those things. And he is NOT worth it- no partner, male or female who dsiplays such abusive and flagrant disregard is worthy of time- let alone marriage. 

His issues are his issues. You are not his therapist- not do you want to be. Do not let his issues become yours, anymore than you have. Walk away- no actually, RUN from this pathetic excuse for a human being. DO NOT fall pregnant to him, whatever you do. If you think his treatment of you is bad now- be prepared because it will only worsen.

I am sorry to be so brutal, but the truth is obvious to those who stand on the outside. Sometimes, love IS NOT enough. It cannot be used to justify tolerating abuse, and my dear, this IS abuse. Make no mistake. Love cannot and should not, be the master to the point where you are the slave.

Love is a wonderful thing- but not when it is harming you!!!!! Real love with an honest man, who has integrity, awaits you. It is not here for you- you will not find it in this marraige/relationship. LEAVE him- for your sake. Life is short and he is not worth the time you have invested already- let alone throwing good after bad. 

I wish you luck dear girl. But more than that, I wish you strength. GO GO Go. xxxxxx


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## PBear

2 year old zombie thread alert...

C


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## SweetDee47

dazedbeauty said:


> I have to comment, I'm just throwing this out there for consideration. Could it be that this man "rescued" mommamia because she was a victim of circumstance? Think of it, here's this girl who has nothing, and a man takes her in, and now he's in total control, she has NOTHING. She gets emotionally attached to her rescuer and he pretty much has little or no respect for her because she's been rescued and now she owes him in one way or another. Hince, the boundary he places on her about the porn.
> I'm not saying this is what is really happening, but this relationship sounds VERY codependent to me... unhealthy in many ways, porn is just the obvious.



Bingo! :iagree:


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## Thebes

I think it would be a big mistake to marry him. You will be extremely lucky if he stops. The reason he doesn't want to see your picture is because it doesn't excite him like those women do. He's like a junkie seeking a high. 

Are you sure he hasn't had an affair with a live person, wouldn't put it past him. Not that I don't consider this cheating.


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## mildaddict

Hi, Mommamia, I just wanted to add my two cents. In fact, I just registered on this site so I could respond. I am also a little bit addicted to that site, although I don't think it's as bad as with your man or with some other posters. But I sure understand how addictive the site can be. But what I want to say is your man is really lucky to have a woman like you! Rather than being judgemental, you are trying to understand what he wants and are trying different things to do for him. He is a lucky guy to have someone like you! 

The thing that occurred to me from reading your posts about how he liked one of the videos that you did is that maybe he could be convinced to let you share one of his online experiences with him, like be with him when he goes on and maybe help him masturbate or just hold him or whatever you two get into.

I did this once with my girlfriend and she ended up picking a woman and having her watch while she sucked me. It seemed like it was exciting for her, and I enjoyed sharing my weird addiction with her.

It sounds like he is very addicted and probably will need a lot of help to get free, but I just have a sense that if you were to go in there with him, he might be able to make it out!

Whatever happens, I have to say I would be a very happy man if I had a woman as understanding and caring as you!


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## suga

Hello, I am so glad you've asked this question because I am going through the same situation and well I just found the you jizz site and it shows that it is live and well I am not handling it very well because he has been doing it for a while, It really hurts my feeling knowing now that he is doing the live chats. Honestly, I feel so a shamed and disgusted


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