# When to move back in together



## CarlJ (May 26, 2012)

My wife and I have been separated for 2 months since I found out about her affair. All contact has stopped and she is trying to make things right. We have both decided that we would like to try and reconcile. Would this be too soon to move back in together and get counseling? She is currently living with family out of state, so she also has the option of moving back here and living separately while attending counceling. Would that be a better situation?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Have you verified complete NC?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My opinion is that you can't work on the marriage while apart. You can't build trust if she's on her own. If I were you I would be wondering every single day what she's doing and who she's doing it with while she's living in another state. That's no way to even contemplate reconciliation. 

So if you've decided to try reconciling, I think it's critical that you live together. Personally I would be glued to her hip as close to 24/7 as you can get. Start taking advantage of some of that hysterical bonding. Anything less isn't really reconciliation. It's more like deciding you can live with the status quo.

And if you do move back in together, don't settle for anything less than 100%. She's either all in, or she's all out. You too. You know what I'm talking about.... agreeing to move back in and then not being an intimate couple (that means frequent sex in case you're not getting it) would mean that she's still in the fog and remaining faithful to her affair partner.


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## CarlJ (May 26, 2012)

Complexity said:


> Have you verified complete NC?


Yeah, with all available means I've had.


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## CarlJ (May 26, 2012)

Do ever reconcile after being apart for a more extended period of time, or do they have a better chance if they seek counsel relatively quickly after separation?


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