# Parents shouldn’t have sex



## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

Ok, so me and my wife have been going to therapy recently and a couple of sessions in, we have begun to communicate more. That sounds good but it’s not. Lots of stuff has come out and one thing in particular is that my wife has made it obvious that she no longer finds me sexually attractive because I am the father of her children.

After getting her to elaborate on this here is what I have learned...

She loves how I take care of the kids and how good of a dad I am but she thinks of those things in a platonic way. She says that sexual feelings are only aroused by men not associated with her children. Celebrities, attractive strangers, or people she meets in situations far away from the family. She ideally feels that there is the father who is good for her family and the sexy man who’s good in bed and those two people cannot be the same person. 

She has said that she just cannot see the person who she pays bills, raises children, or maintains a home with as a sexual person because the role of husband/father is not sexual to her. She says she has a high libido but she can only be turned on by someone who is not a husband/father.

Is this common amongst women? Is it something that will pass? Or should I worry?

Thoughts?


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## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

A few things to add...

It did come up that maybe we should spend a night or weekend together and have someone watch the kids, which isn’t really an option because they’re special needs children and we have no one willing to do that but anyway...

Spending the night together/date night, role play, fantasy, changes I could make in being more “sexy” for her....nope 

She has made it plain and obvious that what she wants is two men...one for the family stuff and one for the sex stuff. These two roles are mutually exclusive to her


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I amJack said:


> She has made it plain and obvious that what she wants is two men...one for the family stuff and one for the sex stuff. These two roles are mutually exclusive to her


So what are you going to do then, will you accept her wanting and or having other men? Or will you divorce her?


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## pragmaticGoddess (Nov 29, 2017)

Call me traditional, but I believe that sex and the role of the father is more intertwined than most people think. I believe that a lack of sex in a marriage creates problems and potentially a marriage that has an atmosphere of resentment and animosity. How can anyone be a good parent in this environment? Children can sense this friction. Well they will know this for sure when mum and dad don’t live in the same house anymore. To be a good father you need to make love to your wife. 

I’m a woman and I’m not necessarily attracted to my husband but I am attracted to him when I know that despite having given birth he’s still attracted to me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I amJack said:


> Ok, so me and my wife have been going to therapy recently and a couple of sessions in, we have begun to communicate more. That sounds good but it’s not. Lots of stuff has come out and one thing in particular is that my wife has made it obvious that she no longer finds me sexually attractive because I am the father of her children.
> 
> After getting her to elaborate on this here is what I have learned...
> 
> ...


*Her warped perspective and unfamily-like, psychological rationale is only a potential precursor to cheating on her part!

Beware! You deserve far better than that!*


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

lol 

What does your counselor think should be done? If she hasn't cheated, she probably will. If want her, don't ask her what to do or tell her what you are doing. Just do. You don't need permission and you don't need to check with the boss. 

Tell her you want her to do something in the bedroom that you know she will find naughty. It would be good if it was something she does on her own while you watch and direct every move and pleasure. Have fun. She must agree to it. Take charge.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Pretty messed up, isn't she?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Well, from your other posts, she sounds about as desirable as Chlamydia.

This is a no brainer.

Divorce her.

Or, start dating the babysitter?


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

The do you get to have 2 women ?


Its most likely time to move on!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Well as usual the divorce crew has shown up. I think it is highly unhelpful in this case as you have two special needs kids. There is more to life than sex. If you divorce you taking both kids to support and raise on your own?

It is good that you started counseling o think you both need it. I will assume that the counselor will start to tackle this view of a husband she has. Did they work on how you can be less bored?

This is a journey. Also don't give up on finding a babysitter. For severe special needs there are usually support groups that help with that. Do you live anywhere near family or attend church?


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

anastasia6 said:


> Well as usual the divorce crew has shown up. I think it is highly unhelpful in this case as you have two special needs kids. There is more to life than sex. If you divorce you taking both kids to support and raise on your own?
> 
> It is good that you started counseling o think you both need it. I will assume that the counselor will start to tackle this view of a husband she has. Did they work on how you can be less bored?
> 
> This is a journey. Also don't give up on finding a babysitter. For severe special needs there are usually support groups that help with that. Do you live anywhere near family or attend church?


the resentment from what she just told him is going to be almost impossible to overcome. If my W said that to me, I would 1st be devastated and then I would be beyond angry.

they don't need couples counseling yet, though I think he clearly needs to figure out if her counselor is telling her/supporting her with this clap trap.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

anastasia6 said:


> Well as usual the divorce crew has shown up. I think it is highly unhelpful in this case as you have two special needs kids. There is more to life than sex. If you divorce you taking both kids to support and raise on your own?
> 
> It is good that you started counseling o think you both need it. I will assume that the counselor will start to tackle this view of a husband she has. Did they work on how you can be less bored?
> 
> This is a journey. Also don't give up on finding a babysitter. For severe special needs there are usually support groups that help with that. Do you live anywhere near family or attend church?


So are you suggesting he should permit her to take a lover while she denies him sex and still stay married to her?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I am suggesting that they only just begun going to tackle this problem. I'm suggesting you could make his life a lot worse by making him a single parent of two special needs children. The wife will obviously have to learn to rethink her relationship sexually with her husband. This phenomenon has been seen before with husbands who have trouble seeing your wife is sexual after she's had a child. I believe there's good news here she's a sexual being and she just needs to learn how to rethink her husband. What you're suggesting is that sex is the only thing that matters. Obviously sex is important to a healthy relationship. But you cannot ignore his responsibilities as a parent. I really don't think he wants to be a single parent of two special needs children in less you've ever taken care of special needs children so it's hard to imagine the amount of stress and difficulty that can come with the job.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sounds like the female's version of the Madonna/***** syndrom. it is a mental disease she has. 

btw, she needs a NEW therapist!


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Are you attractive? Did you let yourself go? Is she much more attractive than you?

She's feeding you a bunch of a B.S and trying to let you down gently. There is something about you she doesn't like.

Time to start looking at what a divorce will look like. You'll be fine. This is no way to live your one and only life.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

The counseling process begins with an examination of what each other perceive got them to this point. Then you can see if they can be addressed for the sake of the marriage or not. Let us not forget you've have been part of this too, Jack. 

You two have been caretakers and it has resulted in living as resentful roommates. That alone is a reason for you both to be in counseling to make sure your not burnouts. 

Just for a reference, My BIL and DS have two special need sons, both now in their 20s. It's not a life I would volunteer for. They have found long-term success by working together as partners, not adversaries. In the beginning, out of desperation to succeed, each pushed for control, causing a lot resentment toward each other. Who'd want to have sex with someone who told you how to do everything. With a lot of family help and counseling experienced with special need families, they recognized are not perfect and started to work together as partners. 

I can't tell you if the two of you can have the marriage you want. I can tell you that if you give up without seeing it out you won't.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Talker67 said:


> sounds like the female's version of the Madonna/Wh*re syndrom. it is a mental disease she has.
> 
> btw, she needs a NEW therapist!


On reflection this is probably a lot deeper than "I don't find my husband attractive, any more."

It could be a psychological or psychiatric problem that her logical brain is telling her is because she doesn't find her husband attractive any more on order to justify to herself why she cannot consider the idea of sex with her husband.

It's probably a treatable problem if dealt with by a real, qualified MD/Psychiatrist and not a counsellor as this type of problem is almost certainly beyond their level of training or qualifications.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

anastasia6 said:


> Well as usual the divorce crew has shown up. I think it is highly unhelpful in this case as you have two special needs kids. There is more to life than sex. If you divorce you taking both kids to support and raise on your own?
> 
> It is good that you started counseling o think you both need it. I will assume that the counselor will start to tackle this view of a husband she has. Did they work on how you can be less bored?
> 
> This is a journey. Also don't give up on finding a babysitter. For severe special needs there are usually support groups that help with that. Do you live anywhere near family or attend church?


Indeed, the special needs children adds a whole extra layer of complexity to the situation--probably both in terms of the way it contributes to the stress creating this situation in the first place as well as complicating any possible solution, including the efficacy of divorce. (as a side note, maybe she doesn't want sex with him because it has led to two special needs children; one is an anomaly, two is a trend not to be repeated!).


There is more to life than sex, yes. But for most it is an essential element. Minimizing the role of sex in a healthy marriage is like saying there's more to a car than the transmission. Overall, the tranny is a fairly small part of the car, and it's not even visible from the outside. But it doesn't matter how attractive the exterior, how comfortable the cabin, and how beautifully the engine purrs; if the transmission isn't functioning, the car goes nowhere. Just because its but one small component doesn't mean that it itself isn't absolutely vital to the proper function of the overall system.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I amJack said:


> Ok, so me and my wife have been going to therapy recently and a couple of sessions in, we have begun to communicate more. That sounds good but it’s not. Lots of stuff has come out and one thing in particular is that my wife has made it obvious that she no longer finds me sexually attractive because I am the father of her children.
> 
> After getting her to elaborate on this here is what I have learned...
> 
> ...


Two questions to clarify:

Does she recognize this as a problem that needs to be worked on, or does she feel this is right, normal and desirable?

When you say she has made it clear she wants two men, has she actually verbally told you that she wants a guy on the side or are you extrapolating that from when she says that she's not attracted to you?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> There is more to life than sex, yes. But for most it is an essential element. Minimizing the role of sex in a healthy marriage is like saying there's more to a car than the transmission. Overall, the tranny is a fairly small part of the car, and it's not even visible from the outside. But it doesn't matter how attractive the exterior, how comfortable the cabin, and how beautifully the engine purrs; if the transmission isn't functioning, the car goes nowhere. Just because its but one small component doesn't mean that it itself isn't absolutely vital to the proper function of the overall system.


In my experience sex is as significant as the engine rather than the transmission.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Has she said what she wants? Does she want an open relationship where you both have lovers on the side? If you flat out ask, does she expect you to be celibate for the rest of your life?

I know you have special needs kids, but you have your own life as well.


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## DaveinOC (Oct 15, 2017)

I amJack said:


> She has said that she just cannot see the person who she pays bills, raises children, or maintains a home with as a sexual person because the role of husband/father is not sexual to her. She says she has a high libido but she can only be turned on by someone who is not a husband/father.
> 
> Is this common amongst women? Is it something that will pass? Or should I worry?
> 
> Thoughts?


Are you freaking kidding me? Ask her how she'd feel if you came up and said you could never have sexual feeling toward a wife who takes care of the house, drives kids to school, makes them snack or goes grocery shopping. If she was like any other normal women, she'd be extremely hurt. I believe in honesty in marriage but this kind of thing is beyond messed up to me. As if that's not enough she goes on to tell you that there are attractive men / celebrities that she would find more sexual. SMH


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

OP the marriage is over unless you want to just be her provider and protector while another man is her lover. If that is what you want then I am sure a man out there would love to be the other man and not have to spend money or energy providing and protecting but just using your wife for sex.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I amJack said:


> She has said that she just cannot see the person who she pays bills, raises children, or maintains a home with as a sexual person because the role of husband/father is not sexual to her. She says she has a high libido but she can only be turned on by someone who is not a husband/father.
> 
> Thoughts?


Thats her gentle, passive way of saying that she's not attracted to *you.*

Seriously, what can you do with an answer like THAT? I guess divorce her, leave the home, give her 100% custody of kids, then see if she magically gets horny when she sees you?!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, in your other threads you've stated how bored you are in your marriage and how boring your wife is as a partner. You've also indicated that you have some personal issues and behaviors that can be off-putting to others in social and work situations. There are also two low-functioning special needs children in the picture. I'm going to guess that home life is a bit taxing, and that you're probably less of a peach to live with than you'd probably like to imagine, as well.

That said, I don't believe that your wife actually thinks that men who are fathers cannot be sexy. I think the reality is probably that she does not find the father of her two special needs children to be sexy. Most children resemble their parents, in looks but also in their behaviors. And for someone who is parenting special needs children, those similarities can create feelings of sexual aversion toward the partner the children most resemble. Do your children take after you strongly in looks, behaviors, etc.? She may find that anything you do that reminds her of the children, or vice versa, generates a level of sexual disgust. She's not sexually attracted to your kids, in fact that thought would probably repulse her greatly. So she may find herself feeling that same repulsion any time you do or say anything that reminds her of the kids. And that repulsion to anything that reminds her of the children is likely to be coupled with the profound levels of guilt, and resentment, that raising special needs children can entail. It's not a great recipe for sexy time. She associates sex with you with her low-functioning, high needs, kids who will never live independently. 

Raising special needs children is very very hard on relationships. Which is why it's been recommended by more than one poster here that you two need to be in counseling with someone who has experience helping the parents of special needs children maintain strong relationships.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

I amJack said:


> She says she has a high libido but she can only be turned on by someone who is not a husband/father.


I'm calling BS. 
Jack, the first how many years were the 2 of you together before you had kids? 

How many times a day were the 2 of you having sex during those years? 

The questions lead to more questions for you. 



Personal said:


> In my experience sex is as significant as the engine rather than the transmission.


Yes sir! Sex is a significant part of the drive train of marriage.

Personal, while we may not always see eye to eye on every point of view, I do find your posts to be very useful. If only the reader takes them into consideration.

I know some of the guys give you a hard time about your experiences and call you an outlier, but you are not. It's obvious to me you have created the life you have wanted.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I amJack said:


> She has said that she just cannot see the person who she pays bills, raises children, or maintains a home with as a sexual person because the role of husband/father is not sexual to her. She says she has a high libido but she can only be turned on by someone who is not a husband/father.
> 
> Is this common amongst women? Is it something that will pass? Or should I worry?
> 
> Thoughts?


I have spent a LOT of time discussing marriage, relationships, sex, and sexuality with friends both irl and online. I have never once heard a woman say that or anything like it. I have heard of men saying it, though. I believe it's called the Madonna/***** complex.

Will it pass? It could, but I wouldn't hold my breath, were I you. Most people can't make themselves become attracted to that which they are not naturally attracted to. Not even with the best counselor available. 

Should you worry? YES! A high libido woman has just admitted she's not attracted to her husband. Whether you want to face it or not, she's a high infidelity risk, if she hasn't cheated already.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

I amJack said:


> She has said that she just cannot see the person who she pays bills, raises children, or maintains a home with as a sexual person because the role of husband/father is not sexual to her. She says she has a high libido but she can only be turned on by someone who is not a husband/father.


Stop paying the bills, helping her with the kids, and maintaining the home.

Hang around all day long, put your feet up, drink beer, ignore the kids, watch football and play video games.

When you want sex from her, go get it. 

Sounds like the "new you" will be a real turn on.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

anastasia6 said:


> I am suggesting that they only just begun going to tackle this problem. I'm suggesting you could make his life a lot worse by making him a single parent of two special needs children. The wife will obviously have to learn to rethink her relationship sexually with her husband. This phenomenon has been seen before with husbands who have trouble seeing your wife is sexual after she's had a child. I believe there's good news here she's a sexual being and she just needs to learn how to rethink her husband.* What you're suggesting is that sex is the only thing that matters. Obviously sex is important to a healthy relationship. But you cannot ignore his responsibilities as a parent. *I really don't think he wants to be a single parent of two special needs children in less you've ever taken care of special needs children so it's hard to imagine the amount of stress and difficulty that can come with the job.


Sex isn't the end all, be all, but it is a crucial ingredient to a romantic relationship for most people. A divorce doesn't mean ignoring responsibility as a parent. He can be an effective parent living in a separate home. He wouldn't be a "single parent" of two special needs children. He'd be a co-parent with two special needs children. Quite a distinction.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

JayDee7 said:


> OP the marriage is over unless you want to just be her provider and protector while another man is her lover. If that is what you want then I am sure a man out there would love to be the other man and not have to spend money or energy providing and protecting but just using your wife for sex.


is this lady some sort of mail order bride? Someone you brought here from another country? She strikes me as having used you for a long time without any love


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

She's leading up to ask for an open marriage.


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## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

Ok so I will try to answer as many questions as possible...

I guess I glossed over the facts; my wife in a session and in private has expressed that she wants a man to be a provider/ father and that she cannot view a man who does this as a sexual person. She needs a man who is not connected with paying bills and raising children to be her “sexy” man so to speak. These are direct quotes. She can’t argue with someone and still want them in a sexual way. She has made subtle but undercutting comments to me. She loves Hugh Jackman and The Rock and has explicitly said I cannot compare to them. Well....of course that’s true but that’s like comparing some teenage garage band to The Beatles lol. The garage band has no shot. 

I can’t ever have sex with her again...not after this. I don’t care how petty that sounds. But I don’t want to have sex with someone who has to force themselves into doing it. 

My kids need both of us in the house. They would be worse off without one of us...that’s the nature of their disability. I’m stuck for now. I can’t really have my own life because there’s no room for it. 

My wife isn’t attracted to me and I don’t feel like jumping through hoops just to make her view me as The Rock. I’m not going to do that... I refuse to. The topic of role playing and sharing fantasies was brought up and she mentioned how hot she thought Jason Momoa was in some movie and then the idea of playing out a scene from that movie was brought up and she simply said it wouldn’t work because I’m not Jason Momoa...if you don’t know who he is like I didn’t, look him up. He’s like the perfect male specimen. 

To toot my own horn- which I feel I need to do because my wife has tried to crush my self esteem....I am 34, 6 foot 2, 190 lbs, I work out almost every day and have a lean athletic build, I have mostly Italian ancestry so I have all dark features...I have been told by at least a dozen people I work with that I look 10 years younger than I am and I am not an arrogant jerk but I get plenty of attention from women. 

I have all this pent up sexual energy and honestly...it’s still for my wife for some dumb reason. Despite how I have described her, she has good qualities that make her a very impressive person- she’s a hard working, super intelligent strong woman who used to have the greatest sense of humor once upon a time and physically- she has gained weight since the kids. About 50 lbs to be exact....but I find the so called “Mom Bod” thing soooooo sexy. I have skinny younger girls at work who flirt with me a little but I don’t want “girls “ .... I want a woman. It’s so frustrating....the only way I can describe is that as frustrating as it is for her to not get the awesome sex she desires from The Rock or Hugh Jackman...it’s frustrating not to get sex from this sexy woman I see everyday in my house.

I’m babbling because thinking about her has put me in the mood lol. I know this goes against me saying I couldn’t be with her anymore because of what she’s said but... I am still very much attracted to her anyway....how pathetic am I? Lol


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## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

We have been together for 12 years - 4 before kids. We are currently 33 and 34 respectively.

Our sex life has always been an issue. Before the current celibate state we averaged about once a month. She’s always been uptight about sex but only recently has she said she has a high libido but I just don’t do it for her.

She has basically stated that there are people you want to have sex with and people you want to marry. And essentially she doesn’t want to marry the person she wants to have sex with and she’s not going to have sex with the person she marries. She laughed at the idea that married people could have a good sex life...well to be honest she laughed and then pretended to throw up in response to our counselor saying that many married couples have frequent sex.


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## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

Open marriage....yes she wants to have someone else and doesn’t care if I do it too. She hasn’t cheated and has no one in mind because in her words - “all the guys I know are gross”

And I have checked her phone, Facebook, etc....nothing suspicious at all. And she never has time to cheat anyway.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

For the love of God, Jack!

Really?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Jack both of you should be in therapy. It takes a while. I wouldn't give up on you two until you have worked the program or until one of you refuses to go and try. She obviously has some unhealthy ideas about sex but that is what counseling should work on and the amount of stress you both must be under. Have you raised some of your issues? Is the counselor competent? Don't be afraid to switch if needed. Make sure to also use this time to work on yourself with the counselor. As you've stated yourself you also have issues.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

I amJack said:


> We have been together for 12 years - 4 before kids. We are currently 33 and 34 respectively.
> 
> Our sex life has always been an issue. Before the current celibate state we averaged about once a month. She’s always been uptight about sex but only recently has she said she has a high libido but I just don’t do it for her.
> 
> *She has basically stated that there are people you want to have sex with and people you want to marry. And essentially she doesn’t want to marry the person she wants to have sex with and she’s not going to have sex with the person she marries.* She laughed at the idea that married people could have a good sex life...well to be honest she laughed and then pretended to throw up in response to our counselor saying that many married couples have frequent sex.


So the obvious answer seems to be to divorce her but continue living together as an unmarried couple.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

I amJack said:


> She has made it plain and obvious that what she wants is two men...one for the family stuff and one for the sex stuff. These two roles are mutually exclusive to her


Dude again, wtf! This is even up for discussion in your mind? Find your happiness (and your balls)!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I don't want to come right out and say your wife is a bad person, but.....






your wife is a bad person.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Nucking Futs said:


> So the obvious answer seems to be to divorce her but continue living together as an unmarried couple.


This seems like possibly a workable solution until someone gets attached to a new partner and wants to remarry/move out.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Well, Jack. At this point, it seems plain. If she doesn't recognize that you won't live in a marriage with either of those choices and will divorce her, you're going to have to play by her rules. That doesn't mean you can't continue with counseling to push that point. 

BTW, Some of the divorced men I've known were better dads than the miserable married ones.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

Fozzy said:


> I don't want to come right out and say your wife is a bad person, but.....
> 
> 
> 
> ...


A bad wife for sure. Your wife should want to fulfill your needs, love you, respect you. The opposite of what she is doing.....

Just the thought of my SO talking about other men she wants to have sex with and that she does not want me at all, ugh, wtf. Then embarrassing me in public, laughing in the face of my needs. Telling me she wants to keep me for domestic support, basically as her roommate. I would tell her she was very much delusional if she thinks I will tolerate being treated this way. I would tell her she can work with me to change this dynamic or I am leaving her. Thats just for the sexual issues the respect issues would have to end that very moment. I love, resect, and care for the needs of my SO. I would accept no less in return.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I amJack said:


> We have been together for 12 years - 4 before kids. We are currently 33 and 34 respectively.
> 
> Our sex life has always been an issue. Before the current celibate state we averaged about once a month. She’s always been uptight about sex but only recently has she said she has a high libido but I just don’t do it for her.
> 
> She has basically stated that there are people you want to have sex with and people you want to marry. And essentially she doesn’t want to marry the person she wants to have sex with and she’s not going to have sex with the person she marries. She laughed at the idea that married people could have a good sex life...well to be honest she laughed and then pretended to throw up in response to our counselor saying that many married couples have frequent sex.


This is sort of a twisted view of things and frankly something of a bait and switch if she knew this before marrying you. Most of us think a healthy sex life is an integral part of marriage.


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## entropy4hunt (Nov 26, 2017)

I amJack said:


> Ok so I will try to answer as many questions as possible...
> 
> I guess I glossed over the facts; my wife in a session and in private has expressed that she wants a man to be a provider/ father and that she cannot view a man who does this as a sexual person. She needs a man who is not connected with paying bills and raising children to be her “sexy” man so to speak. These are direct quotes. She can’t argue with someone and still want them in a sexual way. She has made subtle but undercutting comments to me. She loves Hugh Jackman and The Rock and has explicitly said I cannot compare to them. Well....of course that’s true but that’s like comparing some teenage garage band to The Beatles lol. The garage band has no shot.
> 
> ...


Ok, she watches too much T.V. And seriously how old is she? 12? Jason Momoa?. She is buying into the whole celebrity culture, and that is so toxic. The job of Jason Momoa is to look "hot", the guy is on a ton of supplements and spends hours a day at the gym with professional trainers. Not to mention he is on a crazy diet to stay lean AND strong as ****, which being absurdly lean is only "hot" in today's world because of our society, it doesn't even mean you are healthy. It is kind of like some men being obsessed with super skinny girls. 

I don't think she is a bad person, what she is doing is mean, but I think she is sick. She probably watches way too much T.V., reality shows, reads stupid magazines, and looks at too many pictures of giant men on the internet. She needs help, her mind and perception of the male body is twisted, so twisted she can only be attracted to celebrities that are NEVER going to give her attention. She is attracted to a fantasy, and she is way too superficial.

This is kinda like men who watch a lot of porn and expect life to be like porn, and they're never sexually satisfied.

I would never be with a woman like that. I promise you, even if you destroy yourself to resemble the physique of Jason Momoa, she would never be satisfied.

I think she needs a psychologist, books to read, no T.V., and a reality check.

And you know what I think you should do? since she seems to be ok with open relationship kind of deal. You should find a pretty hot girl and go out with her. Maybe that would make your wife realize what kind of material she would be losing.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

entropy4hunt said:


> And you know what I think you should do? since she seems to be ok with open relationship kind of deal. You should find a pretty hot girl and go out with her. Maybe that would make your wife realize what kind of material she would be losing.


She won't.

If financially possible, you need to divorce and stop cohabitating.

I know the kids having disabilities is a big deal but this is wrecking the **** out of you.


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## Slartibartfast (Nov 7, 2017)

..


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Not gonna lie, Jason Momoa is hot. Really, really, hot. Dwayne Johnson is super hot and, at least during our brief meeting at a charity function, also seems to be a nice person. HOT. So, I totally get her thinking men like that are hot and sexy. They are. Or, at least their public personas are. Arguing with her that they're not or that they're out of her league or would be a pain to live with or whatever, is senseless. Because they are, and the latter is irrelevant. It's like arguing with your husband that he shouldn't find the VS models attractive. It's both idiotic - because they are attractive - and completely irrelevant - because it's not like they're knocking down his door. 


OP, if you'd like to remain married, you two need to be in therapy, separately and together. Otherwise, you need to file for divorce and figure out how to co-parent in an equitable and responsible manner for the duration of your children's lives. Staying and complaining about your awful marriage while doing nothing about any of it, though, is the worst of all options.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Rowan said: "Staying and complaining about your awful marriage while doing nothing about any of it, though, is the worst of all options."

And the wimpy and paralyzed with fear of ending the relationship option.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Rowan said:


> Not gonna lie, Jason Momoa is hot. Really, really, hot. Dwayne Johnson is super hot and, at least during our brief meeting at a charity function, also seems to be a nice person. HOT. So, I totally get her thinking men like that are hot and sexy. They are.


How do you think I got my wife to agree to see Justice League with me?


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

I amJack said:


> Ok so I will try to answer as many questions as possible...
> 
> I guess I glossed over the facts; my wife in a session and in private has expressed that she wants a man to be a provider/ father and that she cannot view a man who does this as a sexual person. She needs a man who is not connected with paying bills and raising children to be her “sexy” man so to speak. These are direct quotes. She can’t argue with someone and still want them in a sexual way. She has made subtle but undercutting comments to me. She loves Hugh Jackman and The Rock and has explicitly said I cannot compare to them. Well....of course that’s true but that’s like comparing some teenage garage band to The Beatles lol. The garage band has no shot.
> 
> ...





I amJack said:


> We have been together for 12 years - 4 before kids. We are currently 33 and 34 respectively.
> 
> Ok, 4 years with just the two of you,and sex has always been an issue? She's not a high libido woman. She's moving the goal posts again.
> 
> ...





I amJack said:


> Open marriage....yes she wants to have someone else and doesn’t care if I do it too. She hasn’t cheated and has no one in mind because in her words - “all the guys I know are gross”
> 
> It's a setup. Her goal is to make you the bad guy. Her goal is to make you so mad that you file for divorce. That way she comes out squeaky clean to all the family members and friends. If you agree to open marriage then you fall into her trap.
> 
> ...


Man, your marriage is like being stuck in a pit with a 12 foot rattlesnake. You better get serious or you won't get out with your sanity.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I amJack said:


> Our sex life has always been an issue. Before the current celibate state we averaged about once a month. She’s always been uptight about sex but only recently has she said she has a high libido but I just don’t do it for her.
> 
> She has basically stated that there are people you want to have sex with and people you want to marry. And essentially she doesn’t want to marry the person she wants to have sex with and she’s not going to have sex with the person she marries. She laughed at the idea that married people could have a good sex life...well to be honest she laughed and then pretended to throw up in response to our counselor saying that many married couples have frequent sex.


There's your sign.

"Uptight" Sex once a month prior to kids is called "ovulation sex." It is a thing. It is when the woman has no actual sexual attraction to the guy (hence being "uptight") and the once a month is during her phase of highest fertility during her cycle when her body is telling her to have sex during the time she is most likely to conceive.

You were already behind the eight ball from day one.

And the fact she showed disgust when a professional counselor told her married people have sex was your sign she is a list cause. At that that you stand up, thank the counselor for his/her time and inform him/her that there is no need to waste anymore time or money discussing this.

I disagree with those encouraging continued MC here. That will be a waste of time and money. No one this disordered can be transformed into an enthusiastic and engaged lover ( at least not for you; I can't speak for how she would be for The Rock)

Your options are - 

- suck it up and be a provider and platonic roommates.

- divorce and find someone who does find you attractive and can have a healthy sex life within a a healthy relationship.

-get your sexual needs met outside the marriage with or without her consent. 

Those are your only real options. Her getting "fixed" is not realistic. 

Sometimes people that had a sincere and healthy attraction in the early stages of a relationship/marriage but got bogged down in Mommy and Daddy Mode, can sometimes get some of their attraction and desire back.

But she never had it to begin with.

This cannot be fixed.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FWIW, the reason I am so pessimistic about this is I believe that her only finding single, childless men sexually desirable and finding married men with children as basically eunuchs is a basic core value and belief of hers. 

Those really can't be changed. It is part of who she is and part of her basic make up as a person and a woman. 

That may be pathetic and sad and may not be conducive to a healthy marital life, but it is part of who she is.

She doesn't find married fathers sexy. 

The OP is a married father. He is off the list and I don't know if he can ever get on her sexy list.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> FWIW, the reason I am so pessimistic about this is I believe that her only finding single, childless men sexually desirable and finding married men with children as basically eunuchs is a basic core value and belief of hers.
> 
> Those really can't be changed. It is part of who she is and part of her basic make up as a person and a woman.
> 
> ...


See, I don't think she's telling the actual truth. I think she is saying these things for the very purpose of hurting him and keeping him away from her. Some of the men she's claimed to find attractive are fathers, married, and presumably pay their bills. This is personal....very, very, very personal.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Magnesium said:


> See, I don't think she's telling the actual truth. I think she is saying these things for the very purpose of hurting him and keeping him away from her. Some of the men she's claimed to find attractive are fathers, married, and presumably pay their bills. This is personal....very, very, very personal.


Potato, poTAHto.

She's being openly hostile in counseling where people normally put their best foot forward. I don't see this improving.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

Fozzy said:


> Potato, poTAHto.
> 
> She's being openly hostile in counseling where people normally put their best foot forward. I don't see this improving.


Yeah...see, I was responding to *oldshirt* about her motivations for her statements. I think we all agree with the result. Thx.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Magnesium said:


> See, I don't think she's telling the actual truth. I think she is saying these things for the very purpose of hurting him and keeping him away from her. Some of the men she's claimed to find attractive are fathers, married, and presumably pay their bills. This is personal....very, very, very personal.


You hit the nail on the head. The is psychological Warfare and it's VERY PERSONAL. You don't say the **** she has said to him without intending to cut a person down. This is being done on purpose. 

That old saying about not saying anything unless you have something nice to say, it goes for spouses too.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> Potato, poTAHto.
> 
> She's being openly hostile in counseling where people normally put their best foot forward. I don't see this improving.


You are right. It won't improve. That's why I told him his best choices are to either record it so it can be used in court as abuse or engage in said abuse right along with her. Two wrongs don't make a right, but we ain't talking about someone with honest intentions. She has an ulterior motive, and I think it's having him file so she saves face. So use her own tactics against her. Record it.

In addition, the counselor has a expectation of client confidentiality. So when the counselor tells Jack that it seems hopeless and that his best choice is to probably file, it makes it her word against Jack's. Hence the open hostility in counseling.

Jack should ask her point blank if that's her intent. Watch her mouth hit the floor because she thought he was to stupid to get it.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Huh interesting. For me, attraction is important, and it all depends on who the person is. Personally, I think that being a good and involved Dad is sexy. It's the same as being a good partner and provider, and team player/contributor. All of those things are sexy, and for me, being with someone like that would probably boost my libido because I would have someone to share life with, equally. Plus, there's always the point about working as a team, which allows more downtime together, which allows more time for things like sex. Your wife is lucky to have a team player and good Dad in her court. Some of us aren't so lucky!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Magnesium said:


> Yeah...see, I was responding to *oldshirt* about her motivations for her statements. I think we all agree with the result. Thx.


I think she is fundamentally telling the truth.

I think she does have some kind of reverse Madonna/W#0re thing going on and only sexually digs playa's, lady's men, skirt chasers etc and has no respect for decent men that provide and support. I think that part is true.

The real-life marital and parental status of the celebrities doesn't matter because she digs the lifestyles of the characters they portray.

Women that only find their husbands unattractive often sit in the counselor's office and say that they themselves do NOT have a libido and complain that their husbands are not supportive ENOUGH. 

For her to say that she does have a strong libido and that she finds supportive husbands and fathers as sexually unappealing is probably largely factual.

She has some kind of hitch in her git'along that makes her find supportive husbands and fathers weak and anemic and not virile. 

But yes, regardless of her exact motives, I think we can all agree she has no respect or regard for the OP and is a jerk.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Jason Momoa YUCK a thousand times!

Jack, your W has some dysfunctional ideas. BTW, some men have the same problem so insist that she see a shrink or the relationship is going to change in a BIG way. You are more than a pay check and her employee.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Did she say she used to find you as attractive as any other man before she had kids? Or, did she marry you because you seemed to be a good provider and child-care provider for her future children?

If the former, psycho-therapy may help her turn around. If the latter, she will never find you hot and never respect you as a man.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

I amJack said:


> We have been together for 12 years - 4 before kids. We are currently 33 and 34 respectively.
> 
> Our sex life has always been an issue. Before the current celibate state we averaged about once a month. She’s always been uptight about sex but only recently has she said she has a high libido but I just don’t do it for her.
> 
> *She has basically stated that there are people you want to have sex with and people you want to marry*. And essentially she doesn’t want to marry the person she wants to have sex with and she’s not going to have sex with the person she marries. She laughed at the idea that married people could have a good sex life...well to be honest she laughed and then pretended to throw up in response to our counselor saying that many married couples have frequent sex.


Her thinking the bolded is no where near the important part. 

Sure, wives have been known to lose attraction to husbands after they're "gotten" and the new relationship energy wears off. But any sane woman KNOWS that she can't have her husband bearing all the responsibilities while she bangs other guys, no one would put up with that.

She's not going to get any of her "sexy men" anyway. She's 50 lbs overweight and the mother of two special needs kids; that's not exactly in high demand by guys like the Rock.

And she's no "high libido" woman; certainly not with anyone other than the Rock. Not when she used to have sex once a month. 

What's interesting is why she would be so offensive about it (especially, as @Fozzy says, in a situation where most would feel the need to be on their best behavior). 

She doesn't want to have sex with you and figured saying that would do the trick.

You refusing to have sex with her is the right move. Nobody can need sex enough to have it with someone who would say what she did. You're in a very difficult spot because of the kids (which she is well aware of). 

Tell that's fine. You'll never have sex with her again. Obviously, if she has sex with someone else, you're gone. Tell her that since you're really just roommates now, that you will start treating her like one instead of treating her like a wife.

And then, do NOTHING for her that you wouldn't want to do for yourself or the kids. 

There's going to be pain for you going forward, there needs to be some for her as well or there will be no motivation for her to change (on the off chance that she wants to). She's interested in guys who are not obtainable. Maybe she'll be interested in you if you're unobtainable (probably not).


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Thor said:


> Did she say she used to find you as attractive as any other man before she had kids? Or, did she marry you because you seemed to be a good provider and child-care provider for her future children?
> 
> If the former, psycho-therapy may help her turn around. If the latter, she will never find you hot and never respect you as a man.


I dunno.

I don't know if there is any kind of therapy that can make a person be sexually attracted to someone they do not find sexually appealing. 

Conversion therapy to turn homosexuals straight has been largely debunked and in some places outright banned. 

No amount of therapy could make me be attracted to 300lb, loud, obnoxious, drunk women and you could lock me up in a Turkish prison for 40 years and I'd never turn gay. 

People really can't be turned into feeling a sexual attraction for people they innately find undesirable.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Buddy400 said:


> She's not going to get any of her "sexy men" anyway. She's 50 lbs overweight and the mother of two special needs kids; that's not exactly in high demand by guys like the Rock.
> 
> 
> She's interested in guys who are not obtainable. .


That's not technically true.

"Sexy" guys may not be interested in marrying her or being in an exclusive, long term relationship with her - but they will gladly bang on her on the side regardless if she is 50 lbs overweight and mother of special needs children.

Remember we are talking about sexual attraction here.

She isn't attracted to the OP but she likes his support and child care assistance. She has the dutiful husband and father at home, she doesn't need to marry the Childless studs; she has a Husband Appliance at home.

She can bang studs wherever and whenever
She wants for her sexual thrills. 

These guys won't want to marry her but she is not looking for a replacement for the OP; she only needs some single, childless playa' to bang her and those guys will be lined up down the street and around the corner for some free poon. 

Her chances of cheating on the OP are astronomically high.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

Slartibartfast said:


> I don't know. It's hard from a distance to tell if she's crazy or just an a**hole. This is clearly a job for a professional. (But probably not a handsome one with no kids.) ((And pool boys are not really professionals, even when the business name is Pool Doctor.))


You won the thread :allhail:



entropy4hunt said:


> Ok, she watches too much T.V. And seriously how old is she? 12? Jason Momoa?. She is buying into the whole celebrity culture, and that is so toxic. The job of Jason Momoa is to look "hot", the guy is on a ton of supplements and spends hours a day at the gym with professional trainers. Not to mention he is on a crazy diet to stay lean AND strong as ****, which being absurdly lean is only "hot" in today's world because of our society, it doesn't even mean you are healthy. It is kind of like some men being obsessed with super skinny girls.
> 
> I don't think she is a bad person, what she is doing is mean, but I think she is sick. She probably watches way too much T.V., reality shows, reads stupid magazines, and looks at too many pictures of giant men on the internet. She needs help, her mind and perception of the male body is twisted, so twisted she can only be attracted to celebrities that are NEVER going to give her attention. She is attracted to a fantasy, and she is way too superficial.
> 
> ...


I started wondering about the childish/too much TV thing myself. I like the analogy about the porn and the unrealistic expectations it gives some people.

It's odd...the split she MUST make in her psyche about sex. Makes me wonder what happened? Why did this occur?

Doesn't want to think of fathers and sex in the same thought? I'm wondering if this is some sort of deflection from what she really feels? She's in her mid thirties and yeah that sex drive goes wild for the women (BEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE!!)

I tend to think there's more than what is being said. Perhaps SHE doesn't feel as sexy anymore? The Rock? I figure Dwayne Johnson probably has better prospects. 

And yeah, I'm also going to say for the sake of the children, work on it. That being said, I admire your loyalty to your children but don't let her issues drive you insane and kill your self esteem. 

It's her- not you.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

I amJack said:


> She loves how I take care of the kids and how good of a dad I am but she thinks of those things in a platonic way. She says that sexual feelings are only aroused by men not associated with her children. Celebrities, attractive strangers, or people she meets in situations far away from the family. She ideally feels that there is the father who is good for her family and the sexy man who’s good in bed and those two people cannot be the same person.


 Yet, as @Slartibartfast pointed out , her three celebrity crushes are all husbands and fathers. 
You really need to sort out a way to leave this nutjob. She is severely damaged and has every intent of breaking you. 
I'd wager when she finally does cheat on you, and she will at the rate she's going, it will be with a married father.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

VibrantWings said:


> It's odd...the split she MUST make in her psyche about sex. Makes me wonder what happened? Why did this occur?
> 
> Doesn't want to think of fathers and sex in the same thought? I'm wondering if this is some sort of deflection from what she really feels?


I still think she associates sex with him with all the negative feelings she has regarding having two low-functioning special needs children. A husband and father won't turn you on if all you see when you look at him is the pain, guilt, drudgery, sorrow, disappointment, anger and resentment of knowing that you have two children who will require constant intensive care for the rest of their lives. I think she may be projecting her sexual aversion to _her_ husband as being an aversion to 'husbands and fathers' as a whole class. That might make her feelings about him more palatable, in her mind, than just admitting that he disgusts her because he's a constant reminder of, and she blames him (at least in part) for, whatever the issues are with the children.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I amJack said:


> Ok so I will try to answer as many questions as possible...
> 
> I guess I glossed over the facts; my wife in a session and in private has expressed that she wants a man to be a provider/ father and that she cannot view a man who does this as a sexual person. She needs a man who is not connected with paying bills and raising children to be her “sexy” man so to speak. These are direct quotes. She can’t argue with someone and still want them in a sexual way. She has made subtle but undercutting comments to me. She loves Hugh Jackman and The Rock and has explicitly said I cannot compare to them. Well....of course that’s true but that’s like comparing some teenage garage band to The Beatles lol. The garage band has no shot.
> 
> ...


 @I amJack, I want you to genuinely imagine that this post came from one of your grown-up CHILDREN, as if in your very shoes. How would you feel for them, "stuck" in such a situation? 

Because there is a MUCH higher chance your situation WILL happen to them because you are modeling that such a dysfunctional relationship is a NORMAL marriage.

It is NOT. You CAN show them what a healthy, loving marriage is like. You CAN successfully coparent with special needs kids - I know no less than 5 couples who do. You CAN have a fulfilling sex life with someone who loves and adores you and is NOT the mother of your children (suggest that you fully divorce before doing so).

You won't rock the boat, so your wife has zero reason to reassess how she treats you. I bet if she knew you were going to seriously leave her, she'd suddenly (and suspiciously) act like fathers were going out of style. You deserve better than this abuse, and yes, I would personally classify the way she's treated and talked to you as abuse.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Rowan said:


> I still think she associates sex with him with all the negative feelings she has regarding having two low-functioning special needs children. A husband and father won't turn you on if all you see when you look at him is the pain, guilt, drudgery, sorrow, disappointment, anger and resentment of knowing that you have two children who will require constant intensive care for the rest of their lives. I think she may be projecting her sexual aversion to _her_ husband as being an aversion to 'husbands and fathers' as a whole class. That might make her feelings about him more palatable, in her mind, than just admitting that he disgusts her because he's a constant reminder of, and she blames him (at least in part) for, whatever the issues are with the children.


This makes a lot of sense, but you still have to factor in that the sex problems pre-date the children. It could be a compounding issue.


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## m00nman (Nov 29, 2014)

Jeez, I hear a lot of excuses and the therapist is completely clueless. Raising a special needs child is time consuming, financially expensive and emotionally draining enough than to have deal with her baggage. I have to ask: what kind of mother is _she_? What kind of family life did her parents provide to her?


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

I amJack said:


> Open marriage....yes she wants to have someone else and doesn’t care if I do it too. She hasn’t cheated and has no one in mind because in her words - “all the guys I know are gross”


 This is how cheaters tell you that they will be cheating without guilt because they told you. You not saying that you want an immediate divorce will be treated by her as your consent to the new rules of your marriage; the new rules include that "she wants to have someone else and doesn’t care" what you think. 



I amJack said:


> And she never has time to cheat anyway.


 As many of the regular posters will attest, this is one of the common statements made by the cheated on spouse to this board, and it is just not true. Cheaters will always be able to find the time. Always. Watch for her telling you something to the effect of if you want to have a chance at her being attracted to you again, you need to give her some "me time" without you. 

You need to tell her that if this is how she feels about you as her husband, then you no longer want to be her husband. That you have no intention of living this way. That instead of spending money seeing a marriage therapist in order to try to save the marriage, you need to be spending that money on an attorney in order to end the marriage. Say it and mean it. If she is OK with a divorce and does not beg to work it out, your marriage was already dead, and now you are just papering that fact with a divorce.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'm surprised people are even debating how this marriage might end up working out.

The things OPs wife has said have made it clear she will never be a normal healthy marriage partner. In fact, I have been here a few years and I don't recall hearing much worse, actually! Coming right or and saying she doesn't believe in having a sexual relationship with her husband (but she finds other men sexy)? Making a gagging sound in counseling when the counselor suggested that sex is part of a marriage? Does it get much worse than this??


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Livvie said:


> I'm surprised people are even debating how this marriage might end up working out.
> 
> The things OPs wife has said have made it clear she will never be a normal healthy marriage partner. In fact, I have been here a few years and I don't recall hearing much worse, actually! Coming right or and saying she doesn't believe in having a sexual relationship with her husband (but she finds other men sexy)? Making a gagging sound in counseling when the counselor suggested that sex is part of a marriage? Does it get much worse than this??


I agree. There just isn't anything to work with here. If she actually does believe that fathers are sexless and she has an aversion to fathers being sexual beings, that that is a deeply ingrained core belief and value that cannot be fixed. 

And if she is just so in attracted to the OP specifically that she talks and behaves this way, then it is doubtful there is anything he can do to be attractive and sexy to her. 

It really doesn't matter if she feels this way about all fathers or just him. 

He is SOL either way.


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## BadGrammar (Oct 29, 2017)

If you are for real, you are in an intolerable situation. You are probably a cuckold or soon to be. Your wife seems to be demented. An overweight housewife pining for the Rock? She is ridiculous. How can she be a good mother and categorize men as either husbands or lovers... not both? Does she want her children to grow up with this same absurd outlook toward marriage and family? 

I would separate from her immediately. Do what you must to ensure the well being of the children. In my opinion that means providing them with a healthy home environment. In your current situation this is impossible. I have a special needs son (autistic), so I know how tough it can be. If I were in your situation, I would make arrangements for civil co-parenting on terms of separation. I would also look into state or local services for help with your children. My SO and I both work full-time, and the assistance provided by the state and his local school are invaluable. It fills in the gaps, when neither of us can simply not be at home. We have a wonderful woman who stays with my son from the time he arrives from school until one or both of us gets home from work (about two hours).


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

BadGrammar said:


> If you are for real, you are in an intolerable situation. You are probably a cuckold or soon to be. Your wife seems to be demented. An overweight housewife pining for the Rock? She is ridiculous. ).


Pretty much sums it up.

OP may want to check the bank statements in case his dumpling is paying for sexy time with The Rock wannabe.

Doubtful she is a gym rat and got her sights set on the resident hard body.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Jack question 

so did you wife and you not discuss this before you got pregnant? frankly i woudl tell her "i would be glad to divorce your ass, be a real jerk in custody and child support so that you will not see me as the father figure if it will get me laid" 

also have you asked her what are her plans now?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Sell the family home...buy a beautiful duplex to share and then get divorced.


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## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

Lots of good advice....
I’m going to keep this short as I am not in the mood for details. But I am leaving and moving into a place of my own. I have consulted a lawyer to cover my bases for a worst case scenario but me and my wife are doing an uncontested divorce. 

I’m prepared for this to go downhill but honestly after talking about divorce...we’re getting along really well lol

We’re surprisingly on the same page with this and she’s being very agreeable. We both just kinda realized after our last meeting with the counselor that we both hated marriage. So there ya go...


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Best of luck to you Jack.
Protect your interests and your children.
Prepare for the worse and hope for the best.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Another soul, searching for answers way too late... 



I amJack said:


> We both just kinda realized after our last meeting with the counselor that we both hated marriage. So there ya go...


You mean that you both hated the marriage that you have. 

Be prepared for the next one. 

My best wishes to you and your children.


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

I'm sorry about your break up Jack but if it puts you both in a happier place, then I wish you the best


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

I amJack said:


> Lots of good advice....
> I’m going to keep this short as I am not in the mood for details. But I am leaving and moving into a place of my own. I have consulted a lawyer to cover my bases for a worst case scenario but me and my wife are doing an uncontested divorce.
> 
> I’m prepared for this to go downhill but honestly after talking about divorce...we’re getting along really well lol
> ...




Yeah. You did. She resents you for giving her 2 children with special needs and you resent her for not putting out.

You do not hate marriage, you both gave up because of your crappy circumstances. I know. I have 2 special needs kids. My ex walked away.

Make sure
you are not a **** like my ex and you pay your child support. 
You could have fixed this.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

anastasia6 said:


> I am suggesting that they only just begun going to tackle this problem. I'm suggesting you could make his life a lot worse by making him a single parent of two special needs children. The wife will obviously have to learn to rethink her relationship sexually with her husband. This phenomenon has been seen before with husbands who have trouble seeing your wife is sexual after she's had a child. I believe there's good news here she's a sexual being and she just needs to learn how to rethink her husband. What you're suggesting is that sex is the only thing that matters. Obviously sex is important to a healthy relationship. But you cannot ignore his responsibilities as a parent. I really don't think he wants to be a single parent of two special needs children in less you've ever taken care of special needs children so it's hard to imagine the amount of stress and difficulty that can come with the job.




Well he could be the Dad, pay the bills be the husband that “She” wants. 

She cook the meals, wash the cloths, clean the home, take the children to various Dr appts etc. A normal house wife. 

And both have relationships outside of the home but with other people. It would be unconventional but would solve the problem in the short run. 

Eventually he will meet another woman who isn’t BatChit Crazy like the one he has now and live happily ever after....... 


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

xMadame said:


> Yeah. You did. She resents you for giving her 2 children with special needs and you resent her for not putting out.
> 
> You do not hate marriage, you both gave up because of your crappy circumstances. I know. I have 2 special needs kids. My ex walked away.
> 
> ...




Did you cut him off like the op?


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Goodluck buddy... Having a divorce with two young kids seems very difficult... doing it with two special needs kids seems even more monumental


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I amJack said:


> Ok, so me and my wife have been going to therapy recently and a couple of sessions in, we have begun to communicate more. That sounds good but it’s not. Lots of stuff has come out and one thing in particular is that my wife has made it obvious that she no longer finds me sexually attractive because I am the father of her children.
> 
> After getting her to elaborate on this here is what I have learned...
> 
> ...


Worry? You should get divorced.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

xMadame said:


> Yeah. You did. She resents you for giving her 2 children with special needs and you resent her for not putting out.
> 
> You do not hate marriage, you both gave up because of your crappy circumstances. I know. I have 2 special needs kids. My ex walked away.
> 
> ...


How?


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