# Desperate, Confused and need advice ASAP



## goingcrazy123 (Jan 19, 2014)

Ok So I had already posted my story, and am thankful for the couple comments I recieved, but I want to rewrite it with more detail to better explain my situation soo please any help advice and opinions appreciated.

I am a mother of 2 who married her highschool sweetheart at a very young age. from the beginning I was told he was cheating on me, but I chose to not believe them, and carry on. after us being together a year He told me he was not in love with me and could never make himself love me, at 16 i was devestated, but a few days later he wanted me back throughout the course of our relationship we have had some very large fights. But at an early age I became pregnant with our first son, so while I worked nights and weekends he would be out partying and going to bars. one instance i remember was when he came into my workplace at 4 am with some females he had met at the bar.

again i was told he was cheating on me, and i chose to ignore it. I was pregnant then after our child was born we were at a party and my mother caught him with a woman in his laps and he became extreamly angry and took off drinking and driving. I left him for a total of three days and took him back.

on so many occasions I caught him being suspicios (to many to write but heres a few)
-arrived home 5 am with woman in our vehicle (said no big deal and got mad at me for being upset)
-continously goes out drinking and shows home 7 -8 am and is very vauge about his whereabouts or claims he was alone
-a woman who was a friend said she had an affair with him and his story didnt add up and i caught him lieing and he admitted he lied saying he forgot details but her story was 100 percent liable and to this day her story has not changed and his has about 50 times. and to make the best of it he gets mad at me for being upset. 
-i found an earring in our vehcile one time and he convinced me it was mine but i dont think it was.
-he also in a sweet way i guess tells me what i can and cant do for example if i want to go to the salon he will say no need to go there wait till i come with you and ill get it one for you) and every friend i had he didnt like to the point i no longer have friends. and i feel this increadable guilt whenever i go anywhere like i should be home and i am uneasy about telling him if i wanna do something (got yelled at for going grocery shopping the other day)
-he frequently attends bars and lies about it so one night i decided i was going out for payback and i was harrassed so much by him through text i went home in tears and he didnt show home till 8 am
-he always wants to know who i am with and where i am and sometimes i have to send pics to prove it
-family members have seen him with other women
-he lies about everything and i am continusely catching him in lies and he gets mad at me stating i got to leave him alone and let him do what he wants
-he has been on 2 day drinking benders and upset our kids over it.
-once he starts drinking he cant stop and has a history of violent behaviour alothiugh never hit me i have alot of fear.

there are so many more things that i just dont have the time to write, but he can be such a wonderful father and at times so sweet to me. but i hate how he treats me like a child and wants to keep me home all the time and when he is so nice to me i look at him and think all of this is in my head but then i see him do and say something that brings all these memorys back

he has admitted that we have changed and no longer have the same interests and latly we hardly talk, sometimes he starts messaging me and the texts are so sweet(he usually turns off his phone and ignores me) that i think hes changed and he loves me.

I feel trapped and like I have to ask permission to do anything, if i leave the house its a fight and immediatly his tone will change and he becomes suspicious.

And no i have complete guilt as i am starting to womder what life would be like single i dream about it everyday being able to come and go as i please but i wonder is that wrong am i wrong for wanting this freedom?? and i have a male friend who has been there through aol of this and we have both recently confessed feelings but will not act on them as this emotional affair is bad enough.

one last thing that bothers me latly he seems obsessed with getting a disease from a toilet seat has mentioned it a few times and i said dear you can only get stds from sex!!!

Am i expecting to much? am i ruining this marriage by wanting other things?? I am so upset i can barely breathe please advice


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Read this 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

And run to get tested for STDs, he has probably has one which is why he's making up the bullsh1t story about toilet seats.
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## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

Wow. Im not one to give advice so wont even try but all I can is get out while you can. That is not a nice way to live.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

How old are you?
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## goingcrazy123 (Jan 19, 2014)

im 28 with 2 kids. and im so scared cause hes the only one ive ever been with and im afriad to hurt him and my kids i love my kids they are my everything. im starting to think i am crazy i am scared i will fail alone and miss the small things like haivng someone to talk to although he had pretty much cut me off from my family. my parents hate him and tell me they will help me get out because people are going to them telling them they see him cheat. i also recently caught him lieing about drug use and when i caught him red handed he blew up at me telling me if he wants do drugs thats his business.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You are not crazy, he is a manipulative liar, and a serial cheater. You can not hurt him or your kids, he has done that alreay. Read the link I posted. Keep posting here.
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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Please listen to your parents, accept thier help. Listen to your gut, what you feel is normal, stop listening to his lies. If you stay strong you will have a very bright future, but you have to stay true to yourself and put yourself and your kids first.
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## goingcrazy123 (Jan 19, 2014)

Thank you for your advice, I just dont know where to start i have seen drs and psycologists about this stress to which my husband tells me its a waste of time and i need to get over it. one time i was ale to talk civil to him about this, and he said it hurt that i didnt trust him, but how can i? we do have good times together but cannot go out because of his behaviour he is working away right now and is gone a month at a time while he is gone i am more relaxed and do not miss him, but i wonder if he is being nice to me cause he is cheating up there and comes home to remain faithful at home cause he can do what he wants up there and his (sry tmi) sex has changed like he wants to do new things and when hes had a few drinks the things he says to me are disturbing. I feel like I am always on edge and i just need someone to talk to besides family cause he tells me i gotta get over and forget the past but all the lies makes it hard too, normally he dont get much time home so things have been ok distant but ok but he was home longer for christmas and we had quite a few large arguments and i packed his bag to which he laughed at me.


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## goingcrazy123 (Jan 19, 2014)

oh i should also mention that i do work and i have a ery good job and would have no issue supporting me and the kids alone


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You may want to ask a modorator to move your thread to the "coping with infidelity" section, you will get more responses.
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