# Phobia of Driving?



## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I really wish that I could learn how to drive, but I am much too scared. I feel like such a loser for not being able to master such a basic skill.

I have had a lot of bad experiences with learning how to drive. My first instructor was very mean and loud; he loved to berate me when I made mistakes and scream at me. That experience made me nervous and defensive. I tried another instructor who was a minister and the old pervert just kept trying to talk about sex-ewww! I could never master parallel parking and I have been in more than one accident. So I gave up.

Now whenever I try to get behind the wheel again, I sweat and shake. People try to insult me for not driving and that reinforces the feeling that I am just a dependent loser. My husband drives me a lot of places and we live in a city with excellent public transit-a necessity for non drivers. 

How can I get over this fear and take control of my life? Driving scares me too much.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Let me know what works. My 22 year old son can't stand to drive. Very strange! It was a huge fight to make him drive beginning at age 16. He finally got his license after three or four attempts when he was 19. And now he refuses to drive. He is terrified! Luckily he has public transportation where he lives--and he couldn't be happier. At least you aren't the only one.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Do you think your driving skill (and lack of) is due to the mechanical side of getting the vehicle to do what you want it to, or is it from dealing with traffic and other drivers on the road?

If its basic mechanical skills get someone to take you to an empty parking lot and just spend hours and hours practicing whatever you want to try. its better if there is no one around to make you feel silly, but honestly you can't really hurt the car in a flat open lot with no obstacles. Try steering different ways, forward and reverse, play with the mirrors, shift settings, brake throttle... try going fast, slow, hard acceleration, hard braking, cruise with your foot off the accelerator, try making the tires screech a little. Do that until you feel confident handling the car.

If its traffic, then get your provinces driving manual and read it over and over and over again until you know exactly what every page says and can remember every little detail, understand the rules of the road completely until you are confident you know them.

Then go out on the quieter roads in the evenings or early morning avoiding rush hour of tricky areas. Practice changing lanes smoothly making sure to be not too slow or too fast, count the distance between the car in front of you. Be attentive and aware of all the vehicles around you and realize you have the right to your spot on the road too, your space in your lane is yours to drive in, just keep it smooth and make to signal your intentions. When changing lanes don't be too timid, the driver in the other lane sees you even if he is playing aggressively dumb, judge distances according the car following you... when you change lanes, speed up just a little to make it more smooth.

And just keep practicing - don't overthink it 95% of your attention should be on the other drivers around you... the thing I notice about ALL bad drivers, is that no matter how good or crappy their skills are its when they are not paying attention that they don't even realize they are using bad habits, good drivers pay attention ralize when they've done something wrong and adjust so as to not repeat.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are letting other people (your instructors) control your life.

Driving is not difficult. You could learn easily. Why not have your hubs teach you?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Think of it this way. Driving is something that the government will give permission and a license to something like 98% of the people who ask. Either everyone is a good driver, which they're not, or most people are awful drivers and it doesn't matter. 

**Commonly heard down at my local DMV office**

"YOU WILL HAVE TO BRING AN ORIGINAL DOCUMENT FROM THE MEXICAN CONSULATE!!!!!!!!!"


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Lon has very good suggestions about practicing in low traffic areas. I would love to be able to take public transportation, and you save bundles on car payments, insurance, and repairs. Cars, like houses, are black holes!

I have become nervous about driving in the snow, and I avoid it at all costs. One thing that I have noticed is that my head is full of images of me spinning out and not being able to control the car. When I have to drive in snow, I force myself to see images of me getting safely to my destination. Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones if you can.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My husband has offered, but he can't teach me if I am too frightened. He says that he believes I have some spatial relation difficulties, which is why I am constantly bumping into things whether I am driving or walking. 

I suppose people have difficulty with varied skills; just like I think cooking is easy, but some people can't even boil water. Most people do not fail their test after two different driving instructors.

The way people drive in this city is ridiculous; I don't even drive and I know that some of the manuevers I notice are dangerous and illegal. If I lived where my husband is from, perhaps driving wouldn't be so scary. He grew up in a very rural area where the drivers are slow and relaxed. There are hardly any cars on the road.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

FirstYearDown said:


> I suppose people have difficulty with varied skills; just like I think cooking is easy, but some people can't even boil water. Most people do not fail their test after two different driving instructors.


All skills are learned, and if you can't do it you just haven't learned how yet.

You must admit it would be pretty easy to teach someone how to boil water... even if they have certain hangups. Same for driving, some find it more difficult to learn, but basically everyone who can walk CAN learn how to drive. Just find out what the hangup is and practice overcoming it. (that is what I am trying to do with dating now that I'm divorced and on the market again!)


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I have a lot of anxieties. 

Most of them appear when I am super stressed and things are going on that I cannot control. 

This means, I have to force myself to drive anywhere, talk myself through stop lights, and sometimes I get to the point where I won't leave the house even walking. 

I get the driving phobia, I yell at every car coming to the intersection that might pull out in front of me, I brace myself for impacts, etc. and I live in rural nowhere land. lol.

I can see how it's overwhelming. I actually recently helped teach a few people how to drive. The best thing you can do, is to just drive, and have someone with you who does not panic or get angrily easy. I've been driving since I was 17, and have even driven to other states, and I still have anxieties. You're not the only worry wart, if anything, it just makes you more aware and a safer driver once you calm that anxiety down.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> I have become nervous about driving in the snow, and I avoid it at all costs. One thing that I have noticed is that my head is full of images of me spinning out and not being able to control the car.


come on scaredy cats.
ive only ended up in 1 persons yard after taking out their mail box and in a ditch 3 times due to ice. not a big deal.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> come on scaredy cats.
> ive only ended up in 1 persons yard after taking out their mail box and in a ditch 3 times due to ice. not a big deal.


LOL. If only it were so easy to get over irrational fears. Our stupid amygdala primitive brain doesn't get the message!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> LOL. If only it were so easy to get over irrational fears. Our stupid amygdala primitive brain doesn't get the message!




kinda like us with women


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> kinda like us with women


Maybe you should give driving lessons to one?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I didn't get my drivers license until I was 19 because I had a fear of driving due to losing two friends in accidents. I decided to work through the fear step-by-step. We started in a parking lot and I freaked out because I was driving so fast. Turns out, I was going 15mph. LOL Taking things slowly meant I didn't drive on the interstate until I was 24, but eventually is better than never, right?

I still don't know how to parallel park and I don't have any reason to learn to do so. There's always another parking spot and walking a little farther never hurt anyone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i know a lady in los angeles, she is now in her 60's i believe, NEVER makes a left hand turn across traffic. she will drive soooooo far out of her way to only make right hand turns, its funny.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

If someone cannot parallel park without hitting one of the two cars, she will not pass her driving test.

It feels like getting hit by a car, dinging other vehicles and running over a hedge might have made me scared. Not so irrational; those are reasons that make sense.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Family Guy Asian Woman Driver - YouTube


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

I have a fear of driving that has been reinforced by a lot of things. I like to drive, but sometimes, I become very afraid of driving and don't do it. It's an anxiety and depression issue. I also stop leaving my house if I'm overly anxious and depressed. I have to fight to overcome it. I'm over-concerned with safety for a lot of reasons. When I'm relaxed and confident, I enjoy driving. Lots of useful details on this thread about the practical and mechanical aspects, but I'll speak to your fear.

In my FOI, I'm everyone's punching bag and driving is all about control, so if we're going someplace together, I never get to drive and when I want to, it invites conflict. MY EH used to be supportive of me a lot before we got married, but once we did, he became hypercitical of every flaw -- and driving was a big one. He's a confident driver and I am not (though I am very safe) and would get angry about my driving mistakes, so I learned to just leave the driving to him so we wouldn't argue over stupid stuff; that caused more problems, unfortunately. I didn't have a car for a long time and it meant something for me to buy one, so I did. I've gotten a little better about driving recently, but I am often afraid of it and will take a taxi or a bus or walk instead, if I can. I'm sharing this with you because I believe that experiences with people that undermine our confidence in driving can be pretty hard to shake. It becomes a deeply-seated issue in the psyche, but it has to do with control and confidence. You have to work to break those thought patterns and then you will get past it.

In order to get over it, you have to build your confidence about driving. This will sound stupid, but, I am very serious about it. Go to a Go Kart racing track and drive there for a whole day. Then, try a little local driving in your neighborhood. Go Kart again. Bike the next day. Then, try driving again, a little farther. Repeat so that each time you drive, you drive a little farther. Take lessons with a female instructor if you don't actually know how to drive. Explain that you are learning how to get over your fear. Practice with your husband in parking lots and at night. EH used to go with me at night and just let me drive for a couple of hours so I would feel comfortable; less people on the road, calmer and more quiet. It helped me.

You've got to break the thought patterns slowly. Oh, and try playing simulation games that involve driving, like racing games -- Mario Kart, Grand Theft Auto, etc. I know it sounds dumb, but each time you do this successfully, you're teaching yourself to break the fear of doing it badly and that builds confidence and makes way for skill to follow.


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