# I'm 28 and never had a girlfriend or kissed a woman



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Here is my issue.I'm 28 years old.I'm still living with my parents. I haven't worked since 2010.I don't have a drivers license and never have had one.In 2006,I had a back injury. One day while I was working with the injury, I remember thinking to myself something like,"I don't have to go through this."Ill learn how to drive,so I can open up my work options." I was motivated to learn how to drive.

I went to the DMV and got a permit, I went to a couple driving lessons with my dad,and after some struggles,I cried.After that,I pretty much gave up driving.In February 2013,I decided I would improve my intelligence and become more well rounded by reading books.My goal was read 12 books in 2013. I read 30 pages a day for 3 straight days then stopped.It seems I am the type of person who sees a challenge and sort of runs.....

It doesn't seem like I've matured much in the last 8-13 years.I remember the summer after my freshmen year of high school,all I did was sit around the house and do things that entertained me,such as watching television and listening to music.And thats pretty much my problem now.I always want to do what is pleasurable.Delayed gratification is a problem with me..My question is how can you get that motivation if it doesn't come naturally to you?Also I've never kissed a woman or had a girlfriend.I know that I'll never get the respect of women in my current state.

Eariler today,I was on the internet searching "Jobs that pay 30 dollars an hour". After about seven minutes of reading an article listing the jobs,my brain began to wander a bit...I got a bit disinterested, it felt almost as if it was making me think too much. The first remotely productive thing I've done in months outside of housework, and I don't think I responded very well.

But again, it's hard for me to get that motivation...How can you get that motivation if it doesn't come naturally to you? What do you guys think my problem is?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Have you looked into individual counseling? How have you been paying for your living expenses? Or do mom and dad pay for everything?

A girlfriend is the least of your worries, IMHO. 

C


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

PBear said:


> Have you looked into individual counseling? How have you been paying for your living expenses? Or do mom and dad pay for everything?
> 
> A girlfriend is the least of your worries, IMHO.
> 
> C


No,I haven't looked at any type of counseling. I can't afford it. Yes,my parents pay for everything, with the exception of food.I was actually paying rent every month up until 2012.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How were you paying for rent, if you haven't worked since 2010?

Honestly, if I was your parents, you'd either be working hard at getting better (emotionally/mentally), or you'd be out on your ear. I'd be paying for your counseling before I'd be subsidizing your living expenses. Why are your parents letting you get away with this?

C


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

PBear said:


> How were you paying for rent, if you haven't worked since 2010?
> 
> Honestly, if I was your parents, you'd either be working hard at getting better (emotionally/mentally), or you'd be out on your ear. I'd be paying for your counseling before I'd be subsidizing your living expenses. Why are your parents letting you get away with this?
> 
> C


I was getting unemployment. I was getting $208 dollars a week and I was paying 200 dollars a month in rent.I can't really say why they are letting me get away with this. I guess some parents are less strict than others about their grown children getting out of the house than others.


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

PBear said:


> How were you paying for rent, if you haven't worked since 2010?
> 
> Honestly, if I was your parents, you'd either be working hard at getting better (emotionally/mentally), or you'd be out on your ear. I'd be paying for your counseling before I'd be subsidizing your living expenses. Why are your parents letting you get away with this?
> 
> C


I agree. I think you should see some sort of a mental health professional for this. Is it attention? Why did you start crying after driving? Do you have anxiety leaving the house? I think it would be best if someone were to rule out if there are any mental illnesses and if not then help you to figure out how to change directions.


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

What caused the back injury btw? Does that have anything to do with your motivation?


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I dunno man, that's a lot of different stuff packed into one post. In re the "12 books a year" thing, it sounds like maybe you set unrealistic goals for yourself. How about start with "finish one book I like in a reasonable amount of time." Read 15 pages a day instead of 30. That same principal can apply to a lot of things: "I'm going to get a job, so my goal is to send out 200 resumes by next month" and then you send out five and feel like a failure, see what I mean? Set small, achievable goals. Baby steps. You're not going to totally transform yourself overnight.


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Sometimes the only way to do something is to do it, not to navel gaze about your "motivation." But achieving a small, reasonable goal can in fact help you feel motivated to reach for future goals.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As Pooh Bear says, you need to rule out an actual mental illness. There's nothing to be ashamed of in seeking help. I know, easier said than done... But until you get someone to sit down with you and work through your issues, you'll be stuck where you are. If that means asking your parents for help, so be it. Again, if I was your parents, I'd be driving you to each appointment myself, just to make sure you've got what you need.

I wish you well, I truly do. But you're the only one that can take the steps that will get you on the right path. And quite frankly, you need more help than you'll be able to get on an anonymous Internet forum.

C


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BTW, what do you do all day, every day? What kind of work did you do before you got injured? Has your injury healed?

C


----------



## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

You may want to join the army. I'm serious. You need to be thrust into adulthood. If you don't get off your ass, you're going to waste your entire life.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

intheory said:


> Why didn't you approach girls in middle school or high school?
> 
> Having a job or driving wouldn't have been an issue then.
> 
> ...


It was shyness. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to hold a good conversation, and for the most part, I still don't. It's funny I've been thinking about that lately. I should have began to develop social skills when I was a kid. As you said, driving or having a car would not have been an issue then.Now at 29,it's a huge issue.


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

BTW if you can't afford counseling, but your other expenses are paid, why not just get a very part-time job that just gives you enough money to pay for counseling. Doesn't even have to pay $30 an hour.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Pooh Bear said:


> What caused the back injury btw? Does that have anything to do with your motivation?


It happened while I was stocking groceries at work. No it didn't have anything o do with motivation.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

PBear said:


> BTW, what do you do all day, every day? What kind of work did you do before you got injured? Has your injury healed?
> 
> C


I typically wake up at around 11:30 A.M.I watch T.V.go downstairs to eat, get on the computer. Then watch more T.V.,then spend many hours on the computer/.here may be a little housework at the end of the evening. But this is typically how my days are spent. I was stocking groceries in a retail store. My injury is still there, though not as bad.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What do you do on the computer? Why aren't you doing ALL the housework, since you're not working outside the house?

C


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

PBear said:


> What do you do on the computer? Why aren't you doing ALL the housework, since you're not working outside the house?
> 
> C


I typically watch youtube videos,get on facebook,listen to music,etc.Things to entertain me.This one of my problems I always to do things that entertain me rather than things that are productive. I guess because ALL of the housework is not what is expected of me.I'm not expected to wash my parents dishes, do their landry,etc.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

To sum up my advice, then...

Talk to your parents. Tell them that you're tired of being unmotivated and lounging around the house. Ask them if they'll help with funding some individual counseling. If they say yes, then start calling to set up an appointment.

Once you get your job situation worked out, then maybe the dating thing will fall into place. But it's secondary.

C


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

intheory said:


> Why didn't you approach girls in middle school or high school?
> 
> Having a job or driving wouldn't have been an issue then.
> 
> ...


I didn't have any friends. I was always trying to impress people by telling jokes. I wasn't developing social skills. I just didn't know how. I never went to any dances or anything. I guess this is part of my problem in life today.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

OP, I say this with kindness and mean no offence, so please take this with the spirit in which it is intended....

Is it possible you either have a mental illness or a developmental delay? Not being able to concentrate on anything...I wonder...You may even have ADHD. You really need to get a thorough evaluation from a qualified health professional.

In the meantime, you SHOULD help your parents out more and earn your keep. You're 29 years old. You SHOULD do their laundry, wash their plates and clean the house - you're eating their food, using their furniture and living in their house!!! NO EXCUSE for a healthy adult to not pull their weight.


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> It happened while I was stocking groceries at work. No it didn't have anything o do with motivation.


What I meant was, did you have more motivation before the injury? I was sort of wondering if it was a traumatic experience that may have affected how you interact with the world. Maybe not.


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> I didn't have any friends. I was always trying to impress people by telling jokes. I wasn't developing social skills. I just didn't know how. I never went to any dances or anything. I guess this is part of my problem in life today.


There's nothing wrong with being shy or a little bit socially inept. Some of the most brilliant people on the planet are.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Pooh Bear said:


> What I meant was, did you have more motivation before the injury? I was sort of wondering if it was a traumatic experience that may have affected how you interact with the world. Maybe not.


Did I have more motivation than I do now?Yes.But I also after the injury in 2006,I continued to work and in 2007 I was motivated enough to study a little bit and take the ACT test.I applied to college in 2008 also. So it wouldn't be accurate to say I became less motivated following the injury.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So when do you feel your motivation fell off? Any trigger?

C


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

frusdil said:


> OP, I say this with kindness and mean no offence, so please take this with the spirit in which it is intended....
> 
> Is it possible you either have a mental illness or a developmental delay? Not being able to concentrate on anything...I wonder...You may even have ADHD. You really need to get a thorough evaluation from a qualified health professional.


I'm not sure.I've never been diagnosed with anything of that nature. As far as right now I can't afford to see a medical health professional, and I've already costed my parents enough money, So I'm not comfortable asking them for the money. I actually have an uncle who told me he would be able to get me a work from home job in the field of what I want to go to school for. I thought it was interesting because I never told him what I want to go to school for. Perhaps if I get a job through him I'll be able to save some money and see a therapist.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

PBear said:


> So when do you feel your motivation fell off? Any trigger?
> 
> C


I think me quitting my job in 2010 probably had an affect. It's almost like that made me lazier.I was living off unemployment, paying rent, spending too much money on food. I was just relaxing.I guess I was content with that.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

BTW, you realize that you'll save your parents money in the long run by getting the help you need now, right?

Seriously... You need to get going and do SOMETHING. Besides playing on the computer all day. 

How about you get your parents to come in here, and tell us their side?

C


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> I think me quitting my job in 2010 probably had an affect. It's almost like that made me lazier.I was living off unemployment, paying rent, spending too much money on food. I was just relaxing.I guess I was content with that.


You must not be that content if you are asking for advice. I bet you would feel better if you took little steps to do something. As someone else said, just do little things until it adds up to something bigger.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

PBear said:


> BTW, you realize that you'll save your parents money in the long run by getting the help you need now, right?
> 
> Seriously... You need to get going and do SOMETHING. Besides playing on the computer all day.
> 
> ...


Sorry, but I'm not going to be able to do that.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Pooh Bear said:


> You must not be that content if you are asking for advice. I bet you would feel better if you took little steps to do something. As someone else said, just do little things until it adds up to something bigger.


You're saying little steps,do you have any suggestions?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Jim1980's said:


> You're saying little steps,do you have any suggestions?


How about...

Instead of looking up YouTube videos tomorrow, spend the time looking up career counseling options close to you? My SO facilitates at a free (non-profit) organization that puts on workshops, does resume reviews, etc for people having trouble finding jobs. Look for that. Use your Google skills for positives.

C


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*(1)Work on getting yourself hired first, (2)then seek IC ~ it will definitely help you, and (3) then try plying your social skills by posting up a profile on any of the numerous online dating websites.*


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I have not read all of the responses, but it sounds to me like you could have ADHD and also anxiety issues.

You can give all of the excuses in the world for not pursuing this, but the fact is, you are bringing in money for unemployment and your parents pay for you to live there, so stop spending your money on video games or whatever else you're spending your money on, pay for a psychologist to diagnose you and get on medication that can help you live a happy and productive adult life.


----------



## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

Your parents don't expect you to do more housework, but you are physically capable, so how about making a resolution to do ALL the dishes tomorrow. You parents would probably love it. I think you've forgotten the joy of achieving goals. Do all the dishes and you might get a smile from your mum. A thank you. When was the last time anyone thanked you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> You're saying little steps,do you have any suggestions?


You would be a better judge of that as you know your life. It sounds like a family member may have a job so just follow up on that number one. Maybe decide to send out a certain number of applications a week. Maybe one if that is all you can do. Maybe decide to do a load of dishes once a week. Since you are not doing anything right now, just contributing one chore a week would be an improvement. Maybe add exercise. What seems realistic to you?


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

John Lee said:


> In re the "12 books a year" thing, it sounds like maybe you set unrealistic goals for yourself. How about start with "finish one book I like in a reasonable amount of time." Read 15 pages a day instead of 30. small, achievable goals. Baby steps. You're not going to totally transform yourself overnight.


I just purchased a couple books from amazon about three weeks ago, and I haven't even began reading them yet. Today I'll try to read at least 15 pages from one of them. I'm trying to get used to doing things that don't bring me pleasure.


----------



## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> I'm trying to get used to doing things that don't bring me pleasure.


Why? Why do things that don't bring pleasure? That's why you're not doing them. Why do we do jobs? To earn money. Would we do them if they didn't pay us? Most likely not. There must be something in these activities for you or you won't want to do them. And you won't succeed. 

Do things for your Mum. She'll appreciate and thank you. 

Walk out in the sunshine, feel the light on your face. Go for a walk to a park. Look at nature.

You are not used to ANYTHING other than the couch and TV/computer. It's a very restricted life. Start exploring and find what you enjoy.

Secret - I enjoy my work


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Uncle Sam can make a man out of you.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So, keep us posted on here with meeting your goal. Reading, researching jobs, polishing your resume. Be accountable. 

Try to do something you don't want to do (like reading, or fixing a paragraph in your resume) before you reward yourself with something you do want to do.

C

C


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I know people like this, believe it or not. One of them was my older brother. I've even experienced this myself before during some difficult, lost times and having parents once who would never have kicked me out of their home (though I ultimately never lost sight of how bad I felt about it, so the motivation I had to break free always emanated from within).

This lazy living has become your new norm. You parents have no great expectations for you and have enabled you, likely before you were a legal adult, to live a carefree, lazy life. It's the life you know. Whenever you begin to step outside of that life anxiety shuts you down and you run back to the comfort of your safety, pacifying yourself on an endless loop of TV and internet. Unfortunately the more stagnant you become, the more insecure and ashamed you become about that stagnancy. You then set lofty goals to inspire change, inevitably fall down when you fail to go from zero to 180 over night, which ratchets up the insecurity, which drives you back into the stagnant, safe place, and the whole vicious cycle starts again. The one thing that makes you feel better, your safe, comfortable life in the house, is the very thing that makes you feel like total crap about yourself. 

Truth be told a lot of people do this on some level, perhaps even most; it's not uncommon for people to find themselves stuck in their lives for many years, if not forever. But yours stands out because it's to an extreme and nothing has forced you yet to step up, grow up and man up.

Truthfully counseling, while great, might not have much impact on your at this level. The only thing likely to shock you out of your state of perpetual malise is if your parents wake up, stop enabling you and kick you out. Action is what you need, and action is the enemy of thought. Otherwise it is extremely difficult for most human beings to radically and permanently change their norm, no matter what their norm is.

You need something that's going to fracture the pattern, something bold. You could be sitting in IC for years trying to work this through and if your parents keep enabling you, they'll give you the time to. More would happen in your life if they woke up and said "Look, you've got six months to get out on your own. We love you but there is no place for you here anymore." The IC can happen after you've been startled out of your haze and get a job where you can pay for it yourself.

One simple thing you can do today that, surprisingly, can do a world of good. Start walking. Learn to take long walks. You'd be amazed at the clarity of thought that brings, how much it stimulates the mind and invigorates. It's a place to start.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> I just purchased a couple books from amazon about three weeks ago, and I haven't even began reading them yet. Today I'll try to read at least 15 pages from one of them. I'm trying to get used to doing things that don't bring me pleasure.


Sounds like a person that have not had enough discipline/responsibility and too much pleasure in life.

Your parents spoiled you (it seems), problem is, YOU are the one that will have to deal with the consequences of that....and it's going to be HARD.

Older you get and longer you wait, the harder it will be.

Take action, get physical in life (walk, sports) the goal is to step outside of your norm/comfort zone.

Like anything else, once you get the ball rolling and take action....the easier it will get as you progress.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Going for a walk and getting out of the house is a great step. Doesn't cost anything, be good for your health.

C


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Jim1980's said:


> You're saying little steps,do you have any suggestions?


Sit your parents down and tell them, "The greatest thing you could ever do for me is to throw me out of the house now and to stop enabling me."

You lack motivation because you want for nothing. The hand you everything so what's the incentive? I work because if I don't I'd starve and be homeless.

You're right, no girl wants a bum for a boyfriend. But clearly, you already know this. How do you plan to pick her up for your dates. On a bicycle? Maybe ask dad to borrow an Andrew Jackson take her for a lovely meal at McDonald's?

You're a lot way from that. Get your act together first. I like the suggestion of joining the service. It might be the kick in the a$$ you need and it will give you a reason to wake up in the morning.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Everyone told you what you should do. Fair game. You haven't told us what you LIKE to do. If you're watching YouTube cat videos all day maybe you understand cats. Maybe work in a pet store or volunteer at a shelter. 

Think what you like to do and the rest comes easily.


----------



## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Jim1980's said:


> I just purchased a couple books from amazon about three weeks ago, and I haven't even began reading them yet. Today I'll try to read at least 15 pages from one of them. I'm trying to get used to doing things that don't bring me pleasure.


Ok, but that's also an unrealistic plan, "trying to get used to doing things that don't bring me pleasure" by reading books as some circuitous way to becoming more mature. That's like so abstract and so many steps removed it goes nowhere. 

I'm beginning to agree with some of the other posters in this thread -- you need a fire lit under your ass, you need to be pushed out of the nest, you need something to give you an external reason to change. And you probably also could benefit from therapy.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

PBear said:


> So, keep us posted on here with meeting your goal. Reading, researching jobs, polishing your resume. Be accountable.
> 
> Try to do something you don't want to do (like reading, or fixing a paragraph in your resume) before you reward yourself with something you do want to do.
> 
> ...


Today I made a list of fifteen different careers that I have at least a remote level of interest in.I found these by searching things such as "jobs that pay 25 dollars an hour" and such. So today hopefully I'll be doing research on each one.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Does anyone here know of any jobs/careers where a person would be working in an office with people at different cubicles, and people would be assigned tasks that they have to use the internet/google to do?


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Jim1980's said:


> Today I made a list of fifteen different careers that I have at least a remote level of interest in.I found these by searching things such as "jobs that pay 25 dollars an hour" and such. So today hopefully I'll be doing research on each one.


What will you do after you research those careers?
What's the next step for you after the research phase?


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Coffee Amore said:


> What will you do after you research those careers?
> What's the next step for you after the research phase?



I have an uncle who told me that he may be able to get me a work-from home job. He said to tell him what I want to go to school for and he can get me a job in what I want to go to school for. It was interesting because I never mentioned what I want to go to school for. He has a corporate job I believe, so maybe he has certain connections. The idea is for me to research different careers, and I'm hoping that by Sunday evening, I'll have an idea of what I want to go to school for and tell him. I'm really hoping he'll be able find a work-from=home job for me.


----------



## Deep Down (Jun 21, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> Today I made a list of fifteen different careers that I have at least a remote level of interest in.I found these by searching things such as "jobs that pay 25 dollars an hour" and such. So today hopefully I'll be doing research on each one.


What's your plan?
Are you hoping to find a job?
How about starting with an online job search engine? Check the job ads for jobs in the list, and see if you qualify.
In my head, you've taken an abstract way of approaching a job search. But please share your plan?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Deep Down said:


> What's your plan?
> Are you hoping to find a job?
> How about starting with an online job search engine? Check the job ads for jobs in the list, and see if you qualify.
> In my head, you've taken an abstract way of approaching a job search. But please share your plan?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It isn't a typical job search. It is more of a career search where I'm trying to see what I want to go to school for. I have an uncle who says he can get me something in the field I want to go to school for.Now I have to decide what that is.


----------



## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

your uncle can get you a job in any field that you choose? I'm confused, how is your uncle able to do that? What is his line of work?

Are you still getting unemployment checks? Or how were you able to buy the books from amazon? Did you just use your parents money? If they just pay for anything for you, I bet they'd be willing to pay for some counseling for you. Some places are just 75 bucks a session. I really think that going to counseling is the first step for you, regardless of anything else. It will help you figure out your phobia of driving and perhaps overcome it, being able to drive will really solve a lot of your problems. And counseling can help get you there.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Adeline said:


> your uncle can get you a job in any field that you choose? I'm confused, how is your uncle able to do that? What is his line of work?


That's the same thing I was wondering, but I didn't ask him. I just know that he has a job in, if I'm not mistaken, the corporate world. He is depended by on people who live in other countries, and he skypes people internationally in his line of work. He has a degree in human resources. I'm not sure what exactly he does for a living.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Adeline said:


> Are you still getting unemployment checks? Or how were you able to buy the books from amazon? Did you just use your parents money? If they just pay for anything for you, I bet they'd be willing to pay for some counseling for you. Some places are just 75 bucks a session.




I haven't gotten unemployment since 2012.I was given an amazon gift card as a birthday present.


----------



## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

you say your parents pay for everything except food. How do you pay for food?


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Adeline said:


> you say your parents pay for everything except food. How do you pay for food?


I get food stamps. I know that's not good. But its how I eat. I hope to not have to get them for much longer.


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

richie33 said:


> Uncle Sam can make a man out of you.


Would they take him with a back injury?


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

*Truthfully counseling, while great, might not have much impact on your at this level. The only thing likely to shock you out of your state of perpetual malise is if your parents wake up, stop enabling you and kick you out.*

That kind of depends on what's going on. If he has some sort of a mental illness that is getting in his way, he may need help with that before he can move forward. I mean, I don't know him, so maybe that is not the case.


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> Does anyone here know of any jobs/careers where a person would be working in an office with people at different cubicles, and people would be assigned tasks that they have to use the internet/google to do?


A call center. Most of them don't pay 25 dollars an hour though.


----------



## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> I have an uncle who told me that he may be able to get me a work-from home job. He said to tell him what I want to go to school for and he can get me a job in what I want to go to school for. It was interesting because I never mentioned what I want to go to school for. He has a corporate job I believe, so maybe he has certain connections. The idea is for me to research different careers, and I'm hoping that by Sunday evening, I'll have an idea of what I want to go to school for and tell him. I'm really hoping he'll be able find a work-from=home job for me.


What did you go to school for?


----------



## Lone Shadow (Aug 5, 2014)

Pooh Bear said:


> Would they take him with a back injury?


Depends on the severity of the injury, and the severity of current symptoms relating to it. That said, after reading most of this thread, I don't think that the military would be a good fit. For some people, it just isn't.

There might also be other disqualifying factors. ASVAB score, other potential medical disqualifies, body weight. I only say this last because we have no idea what level of physical condition Jim is in, but with a back injury, related medications during treatment, and current activity level, it is a question that I feel warrants being asked. 

Jim- 

1: You're on food stamps. Why aren't you on some type of medicare/medicaid? This will enable you to seek out counseling.

2:If your back injury still bothers you to the point where it makes work that difficult, why aren't you on some type of SSDI?

3: First things first. You need to get motivated. Get out of the house and go for a walk. This week, just walk around the block once. Next week, do 2 laps around the block. Gradually build up your laps, then gradually incorporate other physical activities. 

You will begin to see a marked improvement in yourself, and that will motivate you to improve more. You're building a house here. You can't put up the walls before you have the foundation laid. You my friend, still need to run the conduit before we even discuss laying the foundation.


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

Lone Shadow said:


> Jim-
> 
> 1: You're on food stamps. Why aren't you on some type of medicare/medicaid? This will enable you to seek out counseling.
> 
> ...


1.If I'm not mistaken Georgia(where I currently live) has not expanded Medicaid.The last time I checked they weren't offering it to people who have an income of 0 and are unemployed.


2.I just never tried. From what I understand that takes months even years to be approved for.

3.Thanks a lot for the advice. I was checking the weather where I live for this very reason.


----------



## Lone Shadow (Aug 5, 2014)

1: You may be right. It's too late and I'm too tired to look into it myself, but I would suggest looking into it again to make sure. Go to the social services office and talk to someone.

2: If the residuals from your injury are severe enough, do it. Don't try. Do.

3: See above. Weather shouldn't matter, unless it's a hurricane or a blizzard. I checked the weather, Georgia isn't experiencing either of those at the moment. Get out and DO. It's raining? So what. It's freezing? Dress warmer. It's too hot? Not this time of year.

"If it ain't rainin, we ain't trainin!"


----------



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

I'm just wondering what your upbringing was like. Did you ever have to help out around the house, or did your parents do everything?

What do your parents do for a living? Do either of them have motivation issues?

Was there dysfunction in the family?

Do you have brothers or sisters? Do they work?


----------



## Jim1980's (Jan 21, 2015)

hehasmyheart said:


> I'm just wondering what your upbringing was like. Did you ever have to help out around the house, or did your parents do everything?
> 
> What do your parents do for a living? Do either of them have motivation issues?
> 
> ...


Yes,I had to help around the house. I used to have to wash dishes, vacuum, clean the bathroom, clean my room.But it wasn't an everyday thing.My mother is a nurse. My dad does radio voice overs.
There wasn't really any dysfunction in the family. There were disagreements, but nothing abnormal. I have one 17 year old brother and two adult siblings. They are both working and they both live on their own.


----------



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

You might have just gotten into a pattern of not doing much, and being content with it. There's hope for you though.

I agree with some of the others that said we're all like this to some degree. I work full-time, but I play a lot of an on-line game that I enjoy, instead of house duties that I should be doing. I'd just rather play my game than do housework.

Do you have social anxiety, or any fears that unmotivate you from getting a job?

What things are you good at? What things are you interested in?

It sounds like you like internet research. I like that too. My job is in the drug research industry.

The fact that you've never had a girlfriend is probably because you don't get out much. You'd need to get a job or get out of the house to meet women.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> It isn't a typical job search. It is more of a career search where I'm trying to see what I want to go to school for. I have an uncle who says he can get me something in the field I want to go to school for.Now I have to decide what that is.


Ask him what field and what school you should go to? 

Have you asked him if he would offer onjob training?

In general, don't look for a quick fix. Apply for Financial aid and sign up for Community College and get your Associates > from there you can get an entry level job and continue education in a University.

I would NOT recommend any "business" schools like Devry or any of those "online phoenix" types of "universities". FOR MANY MANY REASONS. 

Jon Oliver explains it best....watch it carefully.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8pjd1QEA0c


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Just a suggestion... But rather than searching for "jobs that pay more than $25/hour", perhaps you should try some aptitude tests? A decent paying job that you hate will not be something you do well at.

C


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Jim1980's said:


> Today I made a list of fifteen different careers that I have at least a remote level of interest in.I found these by searching things such as "jobs that pay 25 dollars an hour" and such. So today hopefully I'll be doing research on each one.


It's going to be very difficult finding a "job that pays $25-$30 per hour" when you haven't worked since 2010, your last job was stocking shelves in a grocery store, and you have a bad back.

Go out today and apply IN PERSON to at least 5 places. Accept minimum wage if that's what you have to do to get your a$$ moving. And rinse, repeat, rinse repeat. Go out everyday to 5 different places until someone hires you.

Once you start working you will begin to feel empowered, that you are actually earning your own way (no matter how small) and contributing to society.

Plus, you might actually meet a nice female coworker and end up getting that first kiss.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Btw, it's great that you're doing something. How'd the walking and reading go?

C


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Pretty much says it all.
You are in a complacent slump.
You are officially in danger of becoming a meme.
You need to get out of it.

Nearly all Community Mental Health services offer a sliding fee scale for people. I have had people counseled for free if I had spare time.

There is help for you out there...but you have to go find it.


----------



## Age (Jan 11, 2015)

Do you think you might have ADHD, apserger's, or autism? Is it Asperger's Syndrome and/or ADD ADHD? Autism-Symptoms

If not then for motivation think of it this way if you don't find your motivation or make yourself motivation reasons then life will do it for you but you won't like it cause when life FORCES you to be motivated it is cause bad things happen & you have no choice. There is so many information in the internet in how to motivate yourself you just have to want it real bad. If i was you i would be traveling the world...what you don't have money oh well how about doing WWOOF you get to travel the world and stay in peoples organic farms while you help them in their farms and here is more info World Wide Opportunities on Organic Farms - WWOOF


----------



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Jim,

If you don't have self-discipline then may I suggest that you talk with your parents and ask them to help you by applying a little tough love? Something along the lines of "you don't contribute x amount of dollars every month to this household, you are not going to eat here anymore". This will force your butt out of the house to go look for work to earn that money. And once you achieve this, you will then begin to feel good about yourself as a man and will give you the much needed confidence to go after higher goals. Remember the old saying "Every journey begins with a single step".


----------

