# Should I or shouldn't I?



## Bodhitree (Dec 29, 2011)

Posted story before but long term (unmarried) 20+ years SO (female) got involved with co worker last fall. I caught her and since we've had rocky road, but going through MC, trying to rebuild with a lot of success I might add. Now talking to some people that watch one of these detective shows telling me that sometimes the betrayed partner can be in danger from OM in an affair (she claims EA only) So I go on the website to check criminal histories and OM name comes up like 12 times- all for CIVIL matters- no criminal. I did not pay subscription fee to investigate further so here is my question for the board: it's been 7 going on 8 months, we're doing pretty good right now making progress. Should I go ahead and see what all the court cases were about? Or just let it go as that would open new can of worms. Secondly should I let her know about this guys history? Any advice welcome.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Bodhitree said:


> Posted story before but long term (unmarried) 20+ years SO (female) got involved with co worker last fall. I caught her and since we've had rocky road, but going through MC, trying to rebuild with a lot of success I might add. Now talking to some people that watch one of these detective shows telling me that sometimes the betrayed partner can be in danger from OM in an affair (she claims EA only) So I go on the website to check criminal histories and OM name comes up like 12 times- all for CIVIL matters- no criminal. I did not pay subscription fee to investigate further so here is my question for the board: it's been 7 going on 8 months, we're doing pretty good right now making progress. Should I go ahead and see what all the court cases were about? Or just let it go as that would open new can of worms. Secondly should I let her know about this guys history? Any advice welcome.



For as little as it seems that it will cost you to find out, I would not hesitate for one minute to investigate further, if for no other reason than for your very own peace of mind!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Bodhitree said:


> Posted story before but long term (unmarried) 20+ years SO (female) got involved with co worker last fall. I caught her and since we've had rocky road, but going through MC, trying to rebuild with a lot of success I might add. Now talking to some people that watch one of these detective shows telling me that sometimes the betrayed partner can be in danger from OM in an affair (she claims EA only) So I go on the website to check criminal histories and OM name comes up like 12 times- all for CIVIL matters- no criminal. I did not pay subscription fee to investigate further so here is my question for the board: it's been 7 going on 8 months, we're doing pretty good right now making progress. Should I go ahead and see what all the court cases were about? Or just let it go as that would open new can of worms. Secondly should I let her know about this guys history? Any advice welcome.


They need to go NC. They should therefore not be working with one another. Yeah go ahead and invest the money to find out what this is about. BUT even if this guy does not have a criminal background she should not not around him.

Frankly the OM should be more worried about you than the other way around.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Its been over 1/2 a year and if you haven't seen any reason to continue investigating OM. I would how ever spend the money to confirm your chicks commitment to the relationship.

So wait and see if he starts to "fish" later down the road, then invest in investigating OM. Especially on the 1 yr anny when your SO met OM. If that doesn't happen then there is a good chance OM has moved on to easier prey.


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## Bodhitree (Dec 29, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> They need to go NC. They should therefore not be working with one another. Yeah go ahead and invest the money to find out what this is about. BUT even if this guy does not have a criminal background she should not not around him.
> 
> Frankly the OM should be more worried about you than the other way around.


I forgot to tell you- she quit the job 2 1/2 months ago. Only contact was him texting her about six weeks ago to which she didn't reply.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Well OM went fishing and didn't get a reply, even more of a reason to believe he moved on to easier prey. 

Interesting though, it seems around the same time she quit, he goes fishing.

Again save the dough and keep an eye on things. I mean if you see this guy following you around then ya go for it.

If you can't help your self to look then bring your SO in on it and look together. It may be an eye opener to see what she was really risking.


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

the guy said:


> Well OM went fishing and didn't get a reply, even more of a reason to believe he moved on to easier prey.
> 
> Interesting though, it seems around the same time she quit, he goes fishing.
> 
> ...


I agree with this. I don't think you have anything to fear from the OM but checking his info can't hurt.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Bodhitree said:


> I forgot to tell you- she quit the job 2 1/2 months ago. Only contact was him texting her about six weeks ago to which she didn't reply.


Ah. Very good. Then yeah I agree with the others. Would not hurt to find out his history.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

If it were me, I would find out the history, but keep it to myself. Presenting this to your SO will come across as you not moving forward.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I agree with Gabriel. do it but keep it to yourself.


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## Bodhitree (Dec 29, 2011)

Thorburn said:


> I agree with Gabriel. do it but keep it to yourself.


Did it- man what a slug. Nothing criminal, but like 11 things from collection agencies taking him to small claims court plus two divorces. I was originally irate at finding she was hanging with such a loser and put our relationship on the line for that. Then, I let it go, put the info in my back pocket. Had a nice dinner and long walk with her afterwards and not one word about it from me to her. I think I learned what I had suspected all along- WHAT A JOKE THE WHOLE THING WAS!!!


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