# Seeking advice on what to do



## Wandering_Spirit (Mar 5, 2012)

Hello all
Im new here and compared to most of the people here, i am not married or in any relationship at all. However now i am in a very uncomfortable situation.
The thing is the following: I met a girl about a year ago and we started like a casual dating relationship. We shared emotions, dreams about the future as well as physical desires.
Pretty much where all good relationships start.

Now here is the catch: I found out that this girl is married for a year. So that makes me the "Other Man" and i feel not very comfortable, since marriage for me is something that shouldnt be gambled on that easily.
I stopped contacting her completely (its been 3 days since i know this information) but i still feel very uncomfortable and guilty. I would like to know, if i were married, if my wife is cheating on me.
Now i need your advice...should i contact her husband as a form of honorable thing or should i just ignore it and let her live her life?

This is really bodering me.
Thanks for reading this and hopefully giving me some usefull advice.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

You already know the right thing to do. Just do it. Tell the husband. If you were in his situation you would want someone to tell you.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yes, tell him. He has a right to know.


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## Wandering_Spirit (Mar 5, 2012)

Thanks for your reply.
Yes, i would want to know it.
I don't know him personally, the only thing i have as a contact information is his email at work.
I'd like to stay out of that situation by staying completely anonymous. Do you know a software or service i could use?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I suppose you could just set up a hotmail account or something and email him. But he may not believe you unless he can verify what you tell him. A lot of betrayed spouses want to just pretend it isn't happening to them. Some even do that when it hits them right between the eyes.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Look you have done nothing wrong. How would you supposed to know. Just inform the husband the truth.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

You need to tell him in person, but be prepared that he may not believe you and may defend her. Denial is common at first. He may become angry or even threatening, so be prepared.

Don't feel guilty. You didn't know.


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## Wandering_Spirit (Mar 5, 2012)

Thanks for your answers.
Well i dont have any hard evidence except text messages and facebook-messages.
Thats where my problem lies. I dont want to be involved in this personally, meeting him in person (and actually putting myself in danger) is out of question for me.
I guess sending him an anonymous email and suggesting he should check her phone for text is ok.
Im just hoping he isnt a violent person and actually drives to my place. I heard so many stories about husbands...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Personal meeting may indeed be risky
Email may be passed off as fake

Call is your best option
Do some investigating and find his workplace and call him there, be direct and to the point and offer to send proof by email


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Get a var and tape your conversations and send it to him so your evidence would be water tight. Presumably she's going to brush off the texts and facebook messages.


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## Wandering_Spirit (Mar 5, 2012)

As mentoined above, i completely stopped having contact with that girl and i dont plan to see her again to tape conversations.
Thanks for all the advice, i will think about the emails versus call scenario.


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## oregonmom (Jan 6, 2012)

First of all, you must be feeling horrible. I am so sorry you were decieved this way. What a piece of work this woman is.


If you decide to go the email route, I would contact this woman one last time thru email first and ask her why she never told you she was married, and also mention some specifics about your relationship (sex, dreams you shared, any trips you may have taken together, I love yous exchanged). Hopefully she will reply wanting to explain, and then forward that to her husband. His anger with you will be minimal because he will see right infront of him you did not know she was married. If you don't want to contact her first, let him know you want to cooperate with him, and you are willing to offer him whatever kind of proof he would need from you. You both were decieved by this woman, work together to bring her the karma she deserves.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Man up and call the poor son of a gun and let him know that

"you just found out the chick you *were* seeing is married to you and you have stopped all contact with her"

tell him you want no part of this and for some reason if your number comes up it it either is old or his wife is trying to contact you.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How did you find out?


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

Wandering_Spirit said:


> Thanks for your answers.
> Well i dont have any hard evidence except text messages and facebook-messages.
> Thats where my problem lies. I dont want to be involved in this personally, meeting him in person (and actually putting myself in danger) is out of question for me.
> I guess sending him an anonymous email and suggesting he should check her phone for text is ok.
> Im just hoping he isnt a violent person and actually drives to my place. I heard so many stories about husbands...



Yes, my advice to meet him in person was bad. Scratch that.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

How old are you?
How long have you been dating her?
How did you not know about her maritial status early on?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Wandering_Spirit said:


> Hello all
> Im new here and compared to most of the people here, i am not married or in any relationship at all. However now i am in a very uncomfortable situation.
> The thing is the following: I met a girl about a year ago and we started like a casual dating relationship. We shared emotions, dreams about the future as well as physical desires.
> Pretty much where all good relationships start.
> ...


I would just let her go. Never see her again. In one way telling the husband would be a kind thing to do for him. But it would keep you attached to the situation. She lied to you as well. Not a very good person. 

Move on. I am not saying this is an easy decision. If you were to let him know, I agree a phone call. But then he may become obsessed with finding you. She may convince him you are a predator.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

You don't need a VAR, just forward the texts. The husband surely knows her manner of chatting (vocabulary she uses, acronyms, diminutives etc), it will be evident that they are genuine.


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## Wandering_Spirit (Mar 5, 2012)

I'm 29 years old, as is she.
I've been dating her for about 1 year, since i basically met her.
And i found it out, when i was invited to a party of a friend of mine where she was there too with her husband.
I didnt find out because i dont ask questions. I was happy, and honestly, she was excellent at hiding things. Never i could imagine she would be having a boyfriend, yet even be married.

Im still thinking about this, either mailing him something or just let it go...well...


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Wander over to a phone and CALL HIM. Sheesh

Wouldn't YOU want to know if you were the husband?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Up to the point of knowing you did nothing wrong.

Now is when the clock starts. If you don't tell the husband then you are complicit in her cheating.

Do the right thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

can you call her husband over phone anonymosly and let him know?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Why would you "let it go"?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

I don't think you have much to worry about. Unless this guy is just nuts, he should understand that his wife lied to you.

Good luck.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

What was her reaction when she saw you at the party while she was with her husband?


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