# The requirements of women. .



## Irritated (Oct 23, 2008)

My wife and I have been married for 7 years and have two children. I work 50-60hrs per week on night shift(10PM-8AM) and she is a stay at home mother. We have sex somewhere around 14-15 times a year.

She says the reason we don't have sex is because we don't have the time, although she has time to watch television for 2-3 hours a day and spend 1 - 2 hours going out to get her coffee every single day. I am, more often than not, watching the children when she does these things. When I point this out, she then says that I don't pamper her enough.

My wife's idea of pampering is giving her a backrub for 30-45 minutes. This would be fine if my hands were not as arthritic as they are due to my profession(mechanic) and numerous past injuries. She knows that my hands cause me a lot of pain, but she still complains constantly that I don't rub her back enough, and asks for it at least 2-3 times per week. She also strategically times these requests to closely coincide with the time I need to leave for work, which makes for a convinient reason to not be intimate afterwards.

Regarding the rare occassions of intimacy that we have, it sucks to be the man. It generally starts off with about 30 - 45 minutes of rubbing her back. About 10% of the time this will lead to some foreplay, which then leads to another 30 - 45 minutes of me taking care of her 'needs'. Once she is done and satisfied, I have about 7 or 8 minutes to do what I need to do. If I take any longer than that, I am usually told to 'hurry up and finish'. All in all, out of the nearly two hour endevour, I earn myself a pair of cramped painful hands, a very stiff neck, and about ten minutes of actual pleasure. It's a shame, because I have a very high sex drive and I'm nearly to the point that I have no desire for intimacy with her. 

I'm sure some of you will find this situation perfectly reasonable, but for those of you who find it a bit outlandish, how would you handle this situation?

EDIT: I forgot to mention, I'm 29 and she's 28.


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## sheepdog98 (Oct 19, 2008)

You're in a tough situation, but it can be worked out. From a practical standpoint how about buying a small or large hand massager - there are several types and I think your wife would be satisfied if you ran these over her neck and back to try and save your hands. As to the timing, then next time you believe that there's only time to complete a back rub before you have to go to work, tell her, I'd love to hun, but I have to ..., ..., etc before I go to work; I'll give you a raincheck for x o'clock tomorrow ( and give yourself enough time to be intimate). On a deeper level, I hate to say it, you're going to have to communicate with her on your wishes and desires, and how you see the inequality on the sex issues. Be gentle and use the I statements (how you feel) and not accusatory or critical of her. Hope this helps some. You didn't mention the age of your children, but younger ones do usually require a lot of time and effort to monitor.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

sheepdog98 said:


> You're in a tough situation, but it can be worked out. From a practical standpoint how about buying a small or large hand massager - there are several types and I think your wife would be satisfied if you ran these over her neck and back to try and save your hands. As to the timing, then next time you believe that there's only time to complete a back rub before you have to go to work, tell her, I'd love to hun, but I have to ..., ..., etc before I go to work; I'll give you a raincheck for x o'clock tomorrow ( and give yourself enough time to be intimate). On a deeper level, I hate to say it, you're going to have to communicate with her on your wishes and desires, and how you see the inequality on the sex issues. Be gentle and use the I statements (how you feel) and not accusatory or critical of her. Hope this helps some. You didn't mention the age of your children, but younger ones do usually require a lot of time and effort to monitor.


:iagree:

d5raconis


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