# should i fight for her ??



## deadline (Dec 17, 2009)

sorry for the drag on.

i need some advice at what to do.

me and my wife have been married for five years, she is from the uk i brought her to Australia five and a half years when we met on a island in Europe and fell in love.
when we first came we rented a house and started from zero i found a full time job and was supporting both of us.
six month's later we decided to get married so she could get her permanent visa so she could start working to.
the night before the wedding we were lying in bed talking she had a cardiac arrest her heart stopped she was dead for half an hour, in that time i was giving her mouth to mouth waiting for the ambulance to come i didn't no what to do i was going crazy , i was saying to my self ( i cant loose my baby not now ) the ambulance came and were trying for 20 min nothing, she's gone they told me at some stage and i told them please keep on trying then a Miracle happened they got her heart going they then rushed her to the hospital.
they had her in intensive care for to days.
Finally she woke up and didn't remember what happened, she staid in for another two weeks then she was let out. the doctors told me if it wasn't for me giving her oxygen for half an hour she would have been dead or had brain damage and that she's here because of me.
three months latter my wife surprised me by telling me she has booked for as to get married again i was over the moon as i loved her more than anything in this world.
we got married and were Very happy and crazy about each other.
after that we put the application in for her permanent visa, for one year we went though hell because the doctors wore saying she has to go back to the uk because she has heart problems and that immigration will not give her a permanent visa.
we were going from doctor to doctor from hospital to hospital so we can give to immigration the ok from the doctors. 
finally a year and a half latter we got a letter from immigration with her permanent visa we wore over the moon and still madly in love.
a few months latter i got her a job were i was working and we were very happy together, 
during that time my parents and sister came in to our lives she loved my parents but didn't get a long with my sister that's when the arguments started ( to cut a long story short ) she was telling me that your sister hates me and that she is brainwashing your parents and now they hate me to, she really liked my parents and wanted more than anything to get along with them as she was all alone here and just wanted to have some Company apart from me but my witch sister just didn't like her.
that's when she started drinking we were arguing more than what we use to always about the same problem, i was always telling her to just concentrate on us like i do forget about my stupid sister, i love this girl more than my life i had given her everything and didn't want to loose her.
this went on for a while for two three weeks we were happy then for a couple of days the same problem again then all good again.
4 weeks ago her mother payed for her ticket ( as we could not afford it ) so she could go for too weeks and se her family again, on the first week she was ringing me five six times a day telling me how much she misses me and loves me.
on the second week things changed she was telling me that shes not shore if she wants to come back home.
so what i did is jump on the next plain and went to uk .
when she saw me she was a bit shocked at first then she hugged me Sed thank you for coming baby i love you and kissed me. 
we ended up having a wonderful too days there and were talking about moving to the uk to stay she even told her mother & sister that we are going to come to stay here.
on our way back we came on separate flights.
back home first tree days were good then one day she tels me she wants to go out on her own for one or too hrs i sead ok just call me if you want me to pick you up.
after six hrs she text es me ( sorry im not coming home tonight please don't wary ) the next day she calls me if i can go and pick her up from somewhere so i did we come home and then she tells me that she wants to go back to the uk by her self and that she doesn't love me anymore, i said how can you say that last week you were saying that you love me and we were making plans to go to the uk.
then she got a text on her mobile i grabbed out of her hand and what i saw was devastating it was a love text from a another man i asked her is this were you wore last night she sed yes i told her after every thing we have been through and every thing iv done for you you do this to me , i then asked her were did you meet him she sed on the plane from Singapore to Australia she then walked away and started packing her stuff i the got angry and slapped her , i regretted slapping her and apologies she then ran out of the house and went to the police and had me detained.
too days later i rang her mother and she told me she is suspecting someone in the uk whas brainwashing my wife in to staying there.
so i went back to the uk last week, when she saw me she said go away forget me its over. a couple of days later i send her a text telling her that im going back home and that im giving her time and space to think and that im not giving up on us. 
so now im thinking should i give her a deadline or just give her time.
because its just not possible to stop loving someone within a week something has happened there and i don't know what to do be4 i loose my mind


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## deadline (Dec 17, 2009)

just 4 weeks ago we were happy thinking of buying a house.
things changed within a week how can some one stop loving you within a week. i think she is just confused and i don't know what to do


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## Wisconsin (Dec 15, 2009)

Dump her. If she is lying and calls the cops on you for a slap, that she probably deserved, you should run (and I am very against violence). In my opinion she will continue to mess with you to make you the bad guy, so that she can justify leaving you. 

Think about it... how could she leave the man who saved her life? She has to make you look bad so that the rest of her family and friends don't think she's cold hearted jerk. 

You are right that something weird is going on, and it doesn't make an sense. But do you want to be involved with something that could wind you up in jail. What if you see the two of them together? Would you beat or kill the guy. It's not worth it. Maybe she is being brain washed but she clearly has a choice in which way she wants to go. My advice is if you keep going after her, her reaction will be to pull away. I think you need to stand up and say that this is unacceptable and I won't tolerate this anymore. Then watch her come running back to you. I say, "dump her." 

You sound like a great guy and you deserve better than this.


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## deadline (Dec 17, 2009)

yes i don't know if i will ever be able to trust her again. but i do know she was confused,vulnerable and had a little bit to drink on that plane. because be4 this and over the past five years i would have trusted her alone in a bar full of men. but what happened in the uk changed her to another person. and what her mother told me is eating me inside. and we have still got commitments here thats shes not even thinking about like house rent, bills,personal loans, car loans everything is on both our names and a puppy that she loves more than anything. thats why this dose not make any sence , everything changing in a week.
as for that pri** on the plane he he was telling her i love you , i want you ,i'm crazy about you, and as soon as she left me a week latter he left her . shows what a pri** he is and wright now i feel like killing him becouse all he did is destroy our marriage and the run .


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

This is what we call a Hail Mary - a very long shot that has a low probability but if it works it works great. 

So it goes like this: Darling you know how much I love you so I am not going to dwell on that. I need you to do one thing for me so that I can move on with my life and not go crazy wondering what happened. 

Do this one last thing for me and we will call it all even - I saved your life and now I simply want you to save my mind. Tell me what happened to change your mind. Whatever it is I will accept it - I simply need to know. Even if it is maybe a little crazy I still need to know. So just like I once saved your life, now you save my mind. 

And then hope that in the process of telling you - she tells you enough so you can figure out how to save this - or maybe she will come to her senses as well. 

If your story happened in the US I would think the heart attack was related to celebrating the night before the wedding.....





deadline said:


> yes i don't know if i will ever be able to trust her again. but i do know she was confused,vulnerable and had a little bit to drink on that plane. because be4 this and over the past five years i would have trusted her alone in a bar full of men. but what happened in the uk changed her to another person. and what her mother told me is eating me inside. and we have still got commitments here thats shes not even thinking about like house rent, bills,personal loans, car loans everything is on both our names and a puppy that she loves more than anything. thats why this dose not make any sence , everything changing in a week.
> as for that pri** on the plane he he was telling her i love you , i want you ,i'm crazy about you, and as soon as she left me a week latter he left her . shows what a pri** he is and wright now i feel like killing him becouse all he did is destroy our marriage and the run .


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## deadline (Dec 17, 2009)

no her heart attack happened after dinner lying in talking about the wedding for the next day. the doctors told me the corze for heart attack most likely was drugs. before i met her and we came to Australia she was drinking allot and doing drugs i took her away from all that and i gave her a new life. and because shes got a week heart if she starts drugs again it could be fatal. everything was fine till she went back to the uk. im thinking of trying your Hail Mary cose wright now iv got nothing to loose everything to gain.
thanks for your quick response MEM11363


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## Wisconsin (Dec 15, 2009)

Let us know how the holidays went. I'm curious if things are better or if it's more drama. I still think you deserve better.


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

no


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No one ever deserves a slap, ever. Quit justifying abuse. Deserve to be left, yes. Deserve to be touched in violence or out of anger in any way, shape, or form, never. 

But OP, you two "fell in love" in an extremely short time. That's not love--that is desperation and lust. It usually ends as quickly as it started. Love takes a long time to grow. 

I'm sorry she moved on before you were ready, but clearly she is a mess and it honestly sounds like you would be better off without her. It's time to think about you. You need to do some serious work building up your self esteem so you don't make the same mistake twice. The pain of loss will diminish with time, but you will be tempted to find another woman to make you forget the pain. Don't--it will just be another mistake. Take care of yourself!


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## NorthernHunter (Dec 30, 2009)

Stop right there.. further advancements in saving your relationship will just prolong the inevitable. Be glad its not 20 years into the relationship and much more time invested. Learn from your experience and move on..


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