# New to the forum



## D.B. Kennedy

Hello all, I’m married 22 years with two teenage children. My marriage is going through a rough patch and just looking for some support/ guidance


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## AVR1962

Tell us more about your situation.


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## D.B. Kennedy

Well, after a recent medical exam my wife discovered she tested positive for HPV. She has never been unfaithful during our marriage nor have I , but I clearly infected her prior to our marriage, as we dated from high school on.
There were small lapses during those times on my part.
Rightfully so she is devastated, And I have lost her trust I fear beyond repair


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## ConanHub

D.B. Kennedy said:


> Well, after a recent medical exam my wife discovered she tested positive for HPV. She has never been unfaithful during our marriage nor have I , but I clearly infected her prior to our marriage, as we dated from high school on.
> There were small lapses during those times on my part.
> Rightfully so she is devastated, And I have lost her trust I fear beyond repair


So you had sex with other women while dating your wife before you were married?


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## Prodigal

D.B. Kennedy said:


> There were small lapses during those times on my part.


Could you provide more detail about this? I don't know what defines a "small lapse."

Do you feel your wife wants to separate/divorce over your lapses?


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## sokillme

22 years ago and she is just finding out now?

Um what kind of lapses are we talking about? The kind were you have sex with other people lapse?


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## sunsetmist

If she thought you were both each others one and onlys and you let her believe this--lied--then she will never trust you again.


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## MattMatt

Polygraph for the both of you and counselling. Is what I would suggest.


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## Diana7

Has she never been tested before? It does seem like a very long time after the event to find out. Does she maybe think that you have cheated more recently? Did she think that you were a virgin when you met?


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## aine

D.B. Kennedy said:


> Well, after a recent medical exam my wife discovered she tested positive for HPV. She has never been unfaithful during our marriage nor have I , but I clearly infected her prior to our marriage, as we dated from high school on.
> There were small lapses during those times on my part.
> Rightfully so she is devastated, And I have lost her trust I fear beyond repair


It is amazing how 'small lapses' as you so artfully minimize them can play "large havoc" with your life. I am not sure if you are lying to us or to yourself (denial is a grand thing) but the 'small lapses' you mention are unlikely to have resulted in your wife having HPV virus considering the body usually clears it out within 2 yrs of the 'small lapse.' Sounds like to me there is more to the story which you are not telling us?

If you can prove to your wife that your 'small lapses' happened in HS and come entirely clean then maybe you have a chance of being forgiven. But you must come clean.

However I suspect, as does your wife, that these 'small lapses' were not so long ago, then you have a major problem.


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## notmyjamie

HPV usually can get "cleared" within 2 years, however, it can remain dormant and sometimes resurface many, many years later in some cases. (about 10% of the time) It can reek havoc on marriages because the infection can take place years before but the person assumed his/her spouse is having a recent affair. As a women's health nurse I've had to tell 70 year old women they tested positive. In a few cases, the woman told me it must be a mistake because she hasn't had sex in over 20 years. One women said "well then, I guess he was cheating when he died" which was over 20 years earlier. 

I would recommend counseling. Who you are in high school is not who you are in adulthood. Counseling might help your wife to see this and help you to let her see that you are now committed to her 100%. Give her a little space but ask for the counseling. Offer to take a polygraph to prove that you've been faithful in your marriage. Hopefully the counselor will be able to help her see that breaking up a successful marriage of 22 years over a dumb high school kids' choices would be a real shame. 

I'm assuming you've already apologized and admitted you were an idiot in high school. Ask her what she needs from you to help make this better. When she asks for details, don't hold back anything. Tell her the absolute truth right from the beginning. Keeping anything back that she finds out later will be the end of your marriage. She might need some time away from you. I don't blame her. As an outsider I can see how kids make stupid choices in high school but if it were my spouse I'd be deeply hurt and mortified. It would be a while before those emotions were healed.

Good luck.


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## arbitrator

*Can we safely rule out any blood transfusions on either of your parts during the course of your lives?*


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