# 50/50 Custody of Kids



## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Has anyone on here done this? My husband or soon to be separated husband is insisting on this arrangement. We have not told our kids anything yet (ages 9 and 11) although I am sure they suspect. We want to wait to tell them until the separation agreement and the apartment that he is moving into is secured.

I am just wondering how well this has worked for others and how the kids do with it. I am feeling like mine are going to hate every minute of it.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

LIMBOLADY said:


> Has anyone on here done this? My husband or soon to be separated husband is insisting on this arrangement. We have not told our kids anything yet (ages 9 and 11) although I am sure they suspect. We want to wait to tell them until the separation agreement and the apartment that he is moving into is secured.
> 
> I am just wondering how well this has worked for others and how the kids do with it. I am feeling like mine are going to hate every minute of it.


You feel like they will hate every minute of their time with their father?

50/50 is becoming much more common from what I've seen here on TAM. In my state most fathers get 45/55 with younger children.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

A good friend of mine did 50/50 and I have to admit it worked well. The kids changed once a week, the couple lived pretty close to one another so if something was forgotten it was easily retrieved, and the kids attended the same school. The kids got to feel that both parents were involved with them. Both parties went on to marry other people. All hell broke lose when one parent moved out of state, but that's another story.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

No, not their time with their father. Just the living in two different places. Perhaps I am being pessimistic. My question was really more directed as to how the kids do with it. Do they like it? Dislike it?

I am still coming to grips with all of this so I have a lot of questions.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Pluto2 said:


> A good friend of mine did 50/50 and I have to admit it worked well. The kids changed once a week, the couple lived pretty close to one another so if something was forgotten it was easily retrieved, and the kids attended the same school. The kids got to feel that both parents were involved with them. Both parties went on to marry other people. All hell broke lose when one parent moved out of state, but that's another story.


That is exactly our situation. We will be living close to each other and in the same school district. I am glad to hear that it went well for your friend's kids. My biggest concern is how they are going to deal with all of this.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

I have this arrangement with my stbxw. I have them Wednesday to Sunday evening - she has them Sunday evening until Wednesday when I pick them up after work. I guess that's more like 60/40.

I don't know if you can say it works "well", a broken home isn't "well" by definition. My kids are 8 and 5. It is difficult. They will adapt in time, but it still blows, honestly. The most difficult part for me is when she comes and gets them Sunday night, and silence falls over my house. It's a deafening silence...a silent scream. It's hard not to be paralyzed by it and be stuck on the couch, in pain.

But - you pick yourself up and do something to keep your mind and body occupied. And then when you see them again it's amazing.

My daughter said to me not long ago "I'm tired of going back and forth". It broke my heart. But they seem OK now - and look forward to time with both of us (daughter does anyway - I think my son senses his mom did something heinous and he resents her).

It can work. Good luck to you and your children.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

They will be living in two different places if the two of you share custody no matter what the split it.

We did 60/40. It worked out very well. My son did not like going between two houses but he got used to it. But when you divorce it's unavoidable. Divorce is hard on children. 

There are things that can be done to make it work. For example have everything they need at both houses. They should not need to carry toiletries, toys, clothing, etc between houses. 

This is what divorce looks like for kids. Depriving them of one parent most of the time is worse than the 50/50 time split.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

We do 50/50. The kids are ok, the things they get stressed about is knowing their schedule (I keep a calendar with my days in pink & x's in blue, ha ha) and making sure that things are well organized for transitions.

Also making sure they have doubles of whatever they need, for example bikes at both houses, etc. Not everything is practical to move back and forth.

My kids have been doing it a couple years (since they were 4 & 6) and hardly ever talk about it anymore. Its pretty common for a lot of their friends so maybe doesn't have the stigma that I remember from when I was young and hardly anyone did it.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Unless one parent isn't actually capable of raising the children it should be 50/50 by default. If you're concerned about how they will handle it, I suggest looking into courses on the matter. Most government's appear to have such support.


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## greenfern (Oct 20, 2012)

I took my kids to a counselor and it was very illuminating to discover what they were actually stressed about vs what I was projecting they were stressed about.

For example my daughter was stressed about the fact that I didn't appear to have a lot of food at my house. I shop daily so I don't keep a lot at home (hate to have it go bad) but I find now that when I have a whole big bowl of fruit when she arrives it soothes her a lot. Of course she didn't express this to me, it came out in the play therapy done by the counselor.


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## LIMBOLADY (Aug 26, 2013)

Okay, well this all makes me feel a lot better. I totally 100% agree that they should have doubles of almost all of their belongings at both residences.


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