# The next step



## Lifelover (Feb 7, 2010)

Hi all,

Been a few days since my last post, for those of you following my story thanks for staying tuned in, and if you havent read my other posts well they are kind of all over the forum so I wouldnt even know where to start linking them... but if you click on my name I think you can sort my posts that way.. 

Since my last stop to the forums I have been to the doctor who gave me the ativan. I am proud/embarassed to say that I am now on antidepressants, zoloft to be exact.. On day 2. My experience with it so far has been strange. Mentally, I feel happy I guess. Or more like, it helps me to see the good things in my life and amplifies the "good" feeling I get from them. Also, I find it hard to be sad, even when I am thinking about sad thoughts. Very strange. Its like it flipped off my sad emotion switch in my brain.. which to me isnt really going to help me in the long run. People grieve and cry to heal right? I plan on coupling the drug with personal counseling. No side effects so far, maybe a slight headache, but I think Im just tired from week 3 of my new job. Also, talk about a serious upper! My thoughts race all day and it feels like I could jump 20 feet into the air. But its all very... unnatural. I am very aware that I am feeling differently than i should actually be feeling. But hey, I was going down a bad road before, and I didnt know how to deal. Im treating this drug like its a tool to help me fix myself, rather than being the fix in itself.

Ah yes, on to my meeting with my stb ex wife. It never happened. She found a shady notary, a friend of hers I think, who was willing to notarize the documents without both of us being there. I say fine, I dont care how it gets done as long as it gets done. My spouse and I arent out to be malicious or evil to eachother so whatever. So it turns out I only HAVE to see her one more time in my life, woohoo to that. I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel, its a small light, and sometimes the fog hides it, but its down there. And I am running like hell is at my heels to reach it.


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