# D-Day - 1 year out



## In The Dark (Aug 24, 2011)

It's been exactly one year since discovery of my wife's EA. It's been a long and bumpy road but things are better. She's taken the proper steps to fix our marriage. I still have rough days and triggers but each day I'm healed a little more. 

The toughest part is the trust which is taking longer than I hoped to heal. But I'm realizing that most BS are probably in their own fog a little bit. We keep hoping that the WS will do everything we expect them to and that we will return automatically to the pre-affair trust level. It just doesn't work that way though. Even if they do everything a WS should do, that trust level doesn't come back quick. We now know what they are capable of. It can be built up but it doesn't happen fast. I see why everyone says 2-5 years to repair from infidelity. 

Basically I'm better than I was right after D-day but not better than before the affair. The best thing is I've learned more about myself and have become a better me. Wish I had a different stimulus for this but it is what it is. Anybody else at this stage or been through it?


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

No...only 4 months out but you are giving me alot of hope right now.


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## LookingForTheSun (Dec 28, 2011)

Not 1 year out from DD, but 1 year out from when WH and OW first started talking - that itself is a trigger. I try not to, but even though we are doing great 7 months after DD4 and NC, dates and timeframes can still prove to be difficult. I think you are right about the BS "fog"....I realized I was in it and coming out of it after we started true R and husband finally snapped out of his own and started rebuilding for us. 

As for trust - anyone is capable of anything - and I just decided that I have no control over what anyone does, including my husband, except for myself. I decided to move on as if he would never cheat again (and the way things played out and the way he is acting, I don't see how he could - but yes, there is always a chance - even slim to none). If I chose to divorce or stay marrried, I knew that I did not want to live my life looking over my shoulder. I wanted my marriage with my husband, so I decided to commit myself 100% back into the marriage and live it as best as I could putting the affair behind us. It happened, but neither of us can change it. I forgave him - but told him I would not forget and did not want him to either. I think that if you decide to stay married, you have to trust yourself that you will do what is best for you should an infidelity ever happen again. The true forgiveness was for me. He has his own demons to work through for what he did. I feel he is committed to us and I can feel it in my heart and mind - they are finally both in sync and not at odds with each other - that was a big indicator for me. I know that there will probably be some triggers for the rest of our lives, but they have slowed down a lot for me. I think they will really start to diminish when we finally reach 1 year DD4, NC - then it will all come full circle. 

Trust yourself, commit yourself fully back into your marriage and enjoy it for what it is now and build on that. I think that an affair changes both parties and there is some discovering and even re-discovering to do. This can be a good thing if you let it. Try to make lemonade out of the lemons you have been given. Sometimes it can be sweet!


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