# Trust Broken



## letitbe (Jul 18, 2011)

After reading these threads, it seems to me that it is so common that many H betrayed W. My H and me were together for 9 years and we are into our 7 years marriage. Last October, I found out he had an affair with a girl. He admitted that is a 3 years relationship. My heart sunken but I have to stay calm because of my 2 kids and for the fact that we are staying with my parents. They went tour together in that October before I found out and my family are also going to the same place in December. It was our First family tour, and a terrible one for me. He assured that he will regain my trust, but because of businesses, they still have to be in contact. My H is the only breadwinner, he can't lost the income from her side. And I can only give him my trust. It has been almost 9 months. Recently I learnt to use whatsapp, and I happened to have the contact of this girl. Hence, I am able to see who is online. When he is online, she will be online. I am still monitoring, though not a good evidence to say that they are still in close contact. One Saturday night, he came back from work, I asked to take a look at his phone. He resisted and gave me all the reasons that wife should not do that. I talked to him that night about being open in a relationship, on why we should not hide things from each other, but there were no conclusion. From that night onwards, I know I am having a failed marriage, my love is failed. As a father, he really did a lot for the family. As a husband, I cannot demand more from him, but to be contented that I can still be with him and my kids. This is wat my mind wants me to do, but my heart is so heavy. I guess I joined this forum in hope of getting support to move on as a wife and a mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You can expect and ask for much more then you are getting.

Please don't allow him to treat you like that.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

letitbe: It is hard to continue to live with your spouse when you know that they have lied to you and your marriage is no longer what it was originally; where you could trust your partner.

When trust goes, so goes the marriage. From what I have read about reconciliation, it is a hard, hard journey and not for the faint hearted. My stbxh had an emotional affair (EA) and denied it, then finally told me the truth, and the next day denied it again. He told me I couldn't face the truth, that it was my control issues and that he did not have an EA.

Well he did. And he not only lies to me but to himself. If this person can lie to himself, what chance do you have of them not lying to you.

You deserve more out of a relationship then lies and pain.

Take a long hard look and ask yourself some very hard questions. You know the questions if you listen to yourself. Sometimes we hide from the truth because it is too painful. But the other side to that is pretending and living a lie which will eat away at your soul.

Maybe marriage counseling will help.

I wish you the best and keep posting. Your situation is difficult but there are others on this site that have similar stories where you will be able to connect and get valuable information.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

If money wasn't the issue, would you divorce him?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

letitbe said:


> . Last October, I found out he had an affair with a girl. He admitted that is a 3 years relationship.
> 
> He assured that he will regain my trust, but because of businesses, they still have to be in contact.


This is bullsh!t. If he were truly committed to the marriage, he would axe all contact with her fast.

What do you want to do?


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## letitbe (Jul 18, 2011)

Thank you all. I appreciated all your concerns. I think it is better for me alone to suffer than to let my kids and loved ones suffered. I don't want to lose these family, I just hope that things get better one day. Now I think I should consider a career path and shelf this problem aside. But i am going to be 40 years old, with this heavy heart, with the kids that are still young at age 5 and 7. I have very little confident that I can do it, and with the fact that I have not being working for almost 5 years and in my career path, I have never achieved anything. I really lot confident, hence I am procrastinating. However, if I were to be gone forever, I have no regret and I still feel lucky at I am able to be the one I truly loved. For now, I know I need to move on. Sad to say, move on by myself and see if he care to catch up. Nothing is forever, including lies, pain and suffering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## letitbe (Jul 18, 2011)

I just need someone to hold on me. Maybe this forum will.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

If you intend on staying, you should absolutely have an exit plan. And I would sure as hell cut off the sex. Tell him to call a meeting at work if he needs it that badly.


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