# Do You Keep Track of Your Dates?



## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I was inspired to ask this question in part by some of the comments in this discussion:

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/new-member-forum-introduce-yourself/438937-thoughts-casual-sex-ons-9.html

And some other dating discussions where people have talked about the number of dates they had gone on. Do you keep track of the number of dates you go on? For instance, 36 first dates, 15 second dates, 7 third dates, and 2 fourth or more. On another discussion about OLD someone said that they had been on *50* first dates over the last couple years. Or is it more like, "I've probably been on 2-3 first dates a month this last year"?

I've been on very few dates in general, especially for someone in their early 40s and I'm still learning about the dating perspectives I might encounter later. I guess I'll share my stats: 2 first dates, 1 second date, and 1 long term relationship.

If I got more than 10 or so first dates, I'd almost have to put it in a spreadsheet or something to keep it straight.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

For me, never did. To me that would've been just one more thing to do.

I was too busy going out back then. I did have the traditional little black book for numbers and one/two word notes though.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I did keep track because I kind of wanted to be able to look back and see where I’ve been for the past year. I knew I would literally not even remember some of the first dates if I didn’t write it down. So I made a note on my phone and just kept adding to it as I went on more dates. I counted it up kinda recently but I don’t recall the exact numbers. I do remember that it was an average of 1.5 dates per month. 

Now that I have the list it’s fun to look back and remember the dates. Again, I would have completely forgotten some of them if I hadn’t written it down.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

No. It often wasn't clear what was a date and what wasn't. Even if it were clear, I don't know what good the stats would have done me at any point.


----------



## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I kept track, mostly so I wouldn't confuse Date A with Date B, etc. No statistics on how many times I saw each. I was usually corresponding with many women at once, and frequently had overlapping early dates with 2 or 3. Notes were essential.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@Hiner112, you are referring to my post on that thread. 

Like @Faithful Wife, I did track the dates I had while online dating (Jan, July, August 2019) only because I didn't do very well with it. Yes, I had A LOT of first dates but the only thing I really learned from all of it is that I am not a good candidate for online dating. I need to meet people organically. 

I have heard of people who go on 100 first dates in A YEAR. I don't have that kind of stamina....or patience. 

This might not be helpful to you but there is great book called "The Ugly Woman's Guide to Internet Dating: What I Learned From 70 First Dates". It's basically an autobiography of how the author rebuilt her life after divorce from a long term marriage (almost 30 years IIRC). There are some tear jerker parts to it but overall, this woman's descriptions of each of her first dates is hilarious!! Gosh I laughed because everything she experienced is so true. I highly recommend it if you want a glimpse at online dating for middle aged folks.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

No never have kept count, but I can remember exactly who I went out with and for how long for even from over 40 years ago before my first marriage.


----------



## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

SpinyNorman said:


> No. It often wasn't clear what was a date and what wasn't. Even if it were clear, I don't know what good the stats would have done me at any point.


That's what I was thinking. Meeting someone at a party - is that a date? If you slept with them at the party, would it be a date then? If you asked them out and they said yes, and the date lasted 20 minutes, would that be a date? That time a girl asked me out, and I met up with her and she was also on a date with someone else, would that be a date?

I'd flip out with the different permutations and then just lose interest and never actually track it. I'd probably come up with some awesome spreadsheets though, that would never get filled in.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Marduk said:


> That's what I was thinking. *Meeting someone at a party - is that a date? If you slept with them at the party, would it be a date then? If you asked them out and they said yes, and the date lasted 20 minutes, would that be a date? That time a girl asked me out, and I met up with her and she was also on a date with someone else, would that be a date?*
> 
> I'd flip out with the different permutations and then just lose interest and never actually track it. I'd probably come up with some awesome spreadsheets though, that would never get filled in.


All of my dates in the past year - except one - were from OLD. Some OLD people don't even consider the first one a date, they call it a meet and greet. This is to see if there is enough interest for a real date at all (that's why we may start with a coffee shop).

So none of the bolded above applies to me.

I'm glad I kept my list. It is simply a list of names and some of them have a note or two after their name (mostly to help me remember who the guy was beyond just his name). Of guys who I only met once, I definitely would not even remember them a year later if I had not written it down. So part of it is helpful to see that I really did meet a lot of people and to remember them because they were all very decent guys except maybe 1 of them. It helps me to remember that I can attract good, decent, nice looking men. It doesn't mean there is a match necessarily, but there was enough interest to meet and check each other out.

If I looked back and my list was full of cads and jerks and people who I was like "how did I get here?" when I met them, then I would know I must need to change something in how I'm approaching this. If all I attracted were unworthy men I would need some adjusting. But what I attracted was a lot of really great guys.


----------



## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

Lila said:


> @Hiner112, you are referring to my post on that thread.
> 
> Like @Faithful Wife, I did track the dates I had while online dating (Jan, July, August 2019) only because I didn't do very well with it. Yes, I had A LOT of first dates but the only thing I really learned from all of it is that I am not a good candidate for online dating. I need to meet people organically.
> 
> ...


I've also been browsing https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverforty/ which often talks about OLD being a "numbers game". A recent question was on there about how long / how many dates people went on before they found the person with the baggage to complete their luggage set. (Paraphrasing)

The numbers thrown around blow my mind to be honest. I don't think there's any way I would not write things down if it was too much to just remember. 

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


----------



## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Well, I would first have to have a date before I could start counting them


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Hiner112 said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> > @Hiner112, you are referring to my post on that thread.
> ...


I follow that Reddit as well and did read that thread. I enjoy reading about their experiences but I don't envy them.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Marduk said:


> That's what I was thinking. Meeting someone at a party - is that a date? If you slept with them at the party, would it be a date then? If you asked them out and they said yes, and the date lasted 20 minutes, would that be a date? That time a girl asked me out, and I met up with her and she was also on a date with someone else, would that be a date?


If you slept w/ the two of them, yes.
j/k


> I'd flip out with the different permutations and then just lose interest and never actually track it. I'd probably come up with some awesome spreadsheets though, that would never get filled in.


Agree. I think more of my confusion would be, I had lots of chick friends and sometimes some of them weren't just friends, where to file those?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

SpinyNorman said:


> Agree. I think more of my confusion would be, I had lots of chick friends and sometimes some of them weren't just friends, where to file those?


Who else but you would care how you file those? It’s all for your own use if you want to do it, and just don’t do it if you don’t care to look back. It doesn’t apply to me, but in the question you posed I’d have one list for dates and one for ONS or FWB encounters.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

This tread inspired me to keep track. Right now it totaled up to be zero.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hiner112 said:


> I was inspired to ask this question in part by some of the comments in this discussion:
> 
> https://talkaboutmarriage.com/new-member-forum-introduce-yourself/438937-thoughts-casual-sex-ons-9.html
> 
> ...


I stopped dating when I met my wife over 28 years ago but I never kept a count. 

I pretty much forgot my partner count until a conversation about 15 or 16 years in.

Looking forward with your goal in mind seems far more important than keeping count.

I found my mate despite the odds and part of that success had to be about looking forward while learning from, but not keeping a tally of, the past.


----------



## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)




----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I didn't


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> Who else but you would care how you file those?


Hopefully, no one. I don't much care myself.


> It’s all for your own use if you want to do it, and just don’t do it if you don’t care to look back. It doesn’t apply to me, but in the question you posed I’d have one list for dates and one for ONS or FWB encounters.


I do look back sometimes, but the whole subject wasn't all that empirical.


----------



## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I've been married three times, and I did not keep track of my dates because I just am not wired to go the OLD method. I can't do many people at once--it's just not how I'm built! I'm a "one-at-a-time" gal, and I always have been. 

In HS, I dated one boy, and he started off as my friend in youth group and team mate on the baseball team...so we knew each other and liked each other. We didn't feel all lovey-dovey for each other, but I knew he was a good guy, we had fun together, he was cute...so we 'went out' and he was the only one. 

In college I had a crush on two guys and they did not have a crush back. But what's funny is that I'm still friends with one guy, his wife and kids, and his brothers and sisters and all their spouses and kids! 

After college I dated a guy in seminary and he was assigned to a church far away and that ended us. Then I moved to another state in the West, met H#1 (exH) and we were married 15 years and he cheated.

After my divorce I didn't date for four years because I was busy getting my head on straight. When I thought I was ready I tried OLD and HATED IT!!!! I did go on a date mid-week and a date on the weekend once with different men, and it drove me crazy because I felt like I was just there for the dinner and wasn't getting to know them at all and all they wanted was in my pants anyway so I said "Skip this!" and went organic. I dated a man in my yoga class and we decided we liked each other but didn't have a spark, and again, we stayed friends and met at the coffee shop to talk about life. 

Then I met Dear Hubby (H#2) on a forum. We talked online in posts, then in PM, then in chat, then on the phone, then met...and sparks flew! We both were way into each other, so I moved to his state and about a year later we married. We were married 12 years and it would have been longer, but he passed away. 

After Dear Hubby I had NO INTENTION to ever date...EVER. I had no desire! I was okay being 55yo and single because that way I could live my own life, right? In a way, it felt kind of free. But my path crossed with Beloved Hubby (H#3) right here on this site. I thought of him highly just because he seemed like an excellent person here online, and as I got to know him, he's even better in real life! So I married him! 

So I never dated a bunch of people at once, or dated even several people but one-at-a-time. I think I tend to get to know one person at a time, and I tend to stick with them until I see a clear sign to end it or move to the next level. It's surely a slower method but it's so much more my style.


----------



## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Hiner112 said:


> I was inspired to ask this question in part by some of the comments in this discussion:
> 
> https://talkaboutmarriage.com/new-member-forum-introduce-yourself/438937-thoughts-casual-sex-ons-9.html


Yeah, I wondered if you were referring to my comment about the effort of tracking *******. 



> If I got more than 10 or so first dates, I'd almost have to put it in a spreadsheet or something to keep it straight.


Yeah, I did exactly that. Spreadsheet. Not to "know the stats", but to keep notes of who's who, what they've told me, so I don't get mixed up and think she works in finance when she's a nurse, or whatever. Or what we talked about last time, because it's easy to have the same conversation twice by mistake. 



Married but Happy said:


> I kept track, mostly so I wouldn't confuse Date A with Date B, etc. No statistics on how many times I saw each. I was usually corresponding with many women at once, and frequently had overlapping early dates with 2 or 3. Notes were essential.


Yeah exactly. I'm not interested in counting them. 

I'd correspond, and go as far as a first coffee shop meet, before stopping overlapping and focusing on one.



Lila said:


> @Hiner112, you are referring to my post on that thread.
> 
> Like @Faithful Wife, I did track the dates I had while online dating (Jan, July, August 2019) only because I didn't do very well with it. Yes, I had A LOT of first dates but the only thing I really learned from all of it is that I am not a good candidate for online dating. I need to meet people organically.


I'm puzzled now because on that thread you seemed to be advocating to me that this dating thing made sense. As far as I'm concerned it's a necessary (or in fact unnecessary) evil to find someone, not a pleasurable way to spend time meeting and potentially sleeping with a lot of strangers. But I guess I misunderstood you.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Laurentium said:


> Lila said:
> 
> 
> > @Hiner112, you are referring to my post on that thread.
> ...


I probably could have explained it better.

I'm no advocate for online dating. This is just my opinion but I absolutely detest it and feel it negatively impacts how we interact with others. Again this is just my opinion. However, I do understand it's here to stay and it is the most common tool people use to find others to date. 

In the dating world it is not a matter of one method being more evil than another. It's a matter of picking your poison and doing your best to survive it.


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I viewed online dating as a way to meet interesting men who I would otherwise not have encountered in my daily life. And it worked very well for me as exactly that. 

I never kept track of how many dates I had, nor kept notes of the specifics of particular guys. Because I never felt the need to do that. I just didn't date enough to justify the effort of notes or spreadsheets. Guys never overlapped much. Once or twice, I had a first date with one man and a second date with another in the same 1-1.5 week period, but if either gentleman seemed like someone I wanted to keep seeing then I would bid the other farewell. I just don't have the emotional energy, or desire in fact, to either go out multiple times every week or juggle dates with multiple men. It just wouldn't work for my personality. 

To be honest, I had relatively few prospective matches while online dating. I _really_ used the profile tools to narrow down my options to guys I thought I stood a chance of being truly compatible with. I never saw the profiles of smokers, guys with young children, guys with no children or who wanted children, guys who lived too far away, or anyone outside of my preferred age range - and a host of other factors I don't even remember now. I also, where the software allowed, had my account set so that no one could even see my profile unless/until I had made contact with them first. This method allowed me a lot of control, and filtered out the vast majority of the yucky stuff women usually deal with while online dating. To me, it was worth it, even if it seriously narrowed the number of my prospective matches. 

I met my now-fiancé 4.5 years ago on Match.com, after reading his profile and reaching out to him so he could see mine.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I haven't kept track, once I move on I move on. I have had a couple of them contact me again weeks or months later but I'm the type who when the interest is gone its just gone. 

I also hate online dating, the culture is a huge turn off for me. Talking with multiple people at one time is something I won't do and I try to find men who think similiarly to myself. If I'm talking to someone and get a message from another who looks promising I'll tell him I'm currently talking to someone else and won't talk to more than one man at a time and thank him for the message. I've gotten responses that fully agree with my outlook and comments stating that talking with more than one man at a time is trashy. 

For me, the idea of going on a date with someone who's talking with other women leaves me feeling like I'm a piece of meat in a shop he thinks he can sample amongst all the others at his leisure, nope. I see it as condescending and arrogant and I won't go on a date with someone if I know there are other women already in his que. I wouldn't do that to someone.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Hiner112 said:


> I was inspired to ask this question in part by some of the comments in this discussion:
> 
> https://talkaboutmarriage.com/new-m...ourself/438937-thoughts-casual-sex-ons-9.html
> 
> ...


It was all I could DO to remember the details of each guy which I _continually_ failed at miserably. I would erroneously mention their hobby of restoring muscle cars or mention his parents who were living in Kansas...and they'd have to correct me and tell me, "sorry...wrong guy...I don't restore cars." Ugh. My memory SUCKS!

This is why I recommend index cards, kiddies (or keeping notes in your phone!) :grin2:

I wasn't even capable of keeping everyone's *personal *facts straight, so keeping a spreadsheet or chart of my date progression with each one would have made my head explode. :rofl:


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@Not, I may be confusing you with someone else but were you the one that had gone of over 200+ first dates? I can't remember who that was but they posted about it here.


----------



## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Lila said:


> @Not, I may be confusing you with someone else but were you the one that had gone of over 200+ first dates? I can't remember who that was but they posted about it here.


No, definitely not me. Divide that number by ten and that’s probably close to where I am with first dates.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@Hiner112

Your post inspired me to think about my online dating experience. It is a numbers game and just to prove it, here is my breakdown based on my efforts.

Caveats: I was one of those who was talking to multiple people when doing online dating. I was not chatting over the phone for days or weeks at a time before meeting them face to face. I usually exchanged a few messages where I asked screening questions. If things seemed kosher (no immediate red flags or deal breakers, similar relationship goals, etc..), I made plans to meet within a day or two for coffee or a drink. 

Also, I had profiles on only one dating app at a time. I know some people like using multiple apps to get the best bang for their buck but I found one was about all I could handle. For reference I tried Match, Hinge, and E Harmony.

I went on 33 first dates. 1/3 of those (11) went on to a 2nd date and about 1/2 of the 2nd dates (6) went on to a 3rd. 1/3 of those (2) went on to exclusivity talks (sexual relationship). One of those killed himself 4 weeks after we started dating and there was sexual incompatibility with the other, although we continue to stay friends. 

Doing the math. All told, I spent roughly 3 months online dating (Jan, July, Aug) in 2019. I went on 50 dates prior to the 2 exclusivity talks. Assuming 1 hour for initial meetup, 2 hours for 2nd dates, conservative 4 hours for 3rd dates, that's 79 hours of time invested on actual physical dates. If I include a VERY conservative 1 hour per day for 3 months time spent on the apps "fishing" and then chatting/screening, time invested is 169 hours. Some of my dating adventures rolled into other months but that's about a 14 hour investment per week or 2 hours per day. 

YMMV and you might be one of those lucky ones who hits the jackpot right out of the gate but in general, I don't think these numbers are at all unusual and might even be lower than most online dating app users. If you go this route be prepared to invest the time.


----------



## RubyRing (Jun 13, 2016)

When I was unwillingly thrown back into the dating game in my late 50's and started Online Dating, I thought it would be interesting to journal, keep stats etc. But since I was working 2 jobs, (and dating seemed like a 3rd part time job) it was just too much, but I did save the correspondence from guys I actually met up for a date, so I had a quasi record in my computer.

I have been happily with my husband for a little over 5 years now (married almost 3), and I would say that I have lost track of how many first dates I had. 

Sometimes when cleaning up my old e-mails, I run across correspondence with someone that the first date either never materialized, or it did and went no where, and I'll have completely forgotten about that person. 

I do have a special folder where I keep all the e-mails from my hubby from when we first started corresponding and planning our first date, and the first few weeks of our courtship. I still smile when I read those. They are on a compute that is about to go kaput, so unless I store them on my new computer, I know that eventually they will be lost. Eventually I stopped putting our back and forth e-mails in the special folder, because once the relationship became official, the e-mails were more like "stopping at Fry's on after work, do you want anything" as opposed to the romantic wooing e-mails.


----------



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I did keep track because I wanted to know that information for myself. I just kept a simple list of names in TextEdit on my Mac, with stars beside their name according to how many times I saw them (3 stars = 3 dates). From that, I got to know how busy OLD kept me, and how many meetups I went on before finding my current beau. Now, I write our dates in my day planner. He thinks it’s cute that I keep track and digs it when I say to him things like, “hey beau, happy 50 dates!” or “happy 10 months!”


----------



## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

@She'sStillGotIt, I think using the wrong details could have gone either way. It could be laughed at as something silly or an indication that you weren't that involved. I'm glad in your case that it didn't seem to be taken that seriously.

@Lila, your analysis is interesting in a couple ways to me. My sample size of dates was too small to make any conclusions but 1/2 of my first dates had second dates and 1/2 of my second dates went longer. I hadn't thought of it like that before and was still thinking of it from the perspective of 1/4 of first dates turn into 20 year relationships. I definitely do *not* have time for a part time job right now (14 hours / week). I created a profile a while back just so I could understand the lingo I was reading on divorce / dating discussions (what the heck is a "swipe left" for instance) and I've rewritten my own description 3 or 4 times even though I'm still hidden so the 14 hours is probably low for me.

I like the theory of online dating more than how it is described by people that have done it. It just makes sense on so many levels. Having a place where people can go/register where everyone is "single" and looking for a relationship and before even talking the first time you can confirm that there is some kind of attraction on both sides and common interests. *shrug*


----------

