# NYT: What Sleeping with Married Man Taught Me About Infidelity



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Interesting read. No doubt polarizing. And absolutely no surprise to anyone that has been through the trenches here.

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

*Deej!*


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

In the flesh?

Nah...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

farsidejunky said:


> In the flesh?
> 
> Nah...


He should'a come back on Easter.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First off, Deej, it's great to see you back in the fold!

On topic, it absolutely amazes me that this skank of a woman places a higher priority on getting her personal jollies off over the probable breakup of a marriage and/or family, that such activity usually brings about, all while unconscionably doing little more than promoting gross infidelity! *


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *On topic, it absolutely amazes me that this skank of a woman places a higher priority on getting her personal jollies off over the probable breakup of a marriage and/or family, that such activity usually brings about, all while unconscionably doing little more than promoting gross infidelity! *


I've both read on here and had a guy say to me that the spouse being cheated on isn't their problem. They're just in it for themselves, and if a married person is unfaithful, that's on them.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

minimalME said:


> *I've both read on here and had a guy say to me that the spouse being cheated on isn't their problem. They're just in it for themselves, and if a married person is unfaithful, that's on them.*


*It's women like her, and that profound line of logic that makes one want to roundly applaud when she finally contracts a nasty, searing case of "crotch-rot!"*


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *It's women like her that makes one want to roundly applaud when she finally contracts a nasty, searing case of "crotch-rot!"*


Well, this is the world that we currently live in.

Where there used to be standards of behavior, now it's all about having fun and being entertained and who are you to judge me, and if two people are in agreement, then who cares what the future consequences are?

I don't see it getting better anytime soon.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

minimalME said:


> Well, this is the world that we currently live in.
> 
> Where there used to be standards of behavior, now it's all about having fun and being entertained and who are you to judge me, and if two people are in agreement, then who cares what the future consequences are?
> 
> I don't see it getting better anytime soon.


*Mini-me: You've hit the nail on the proverbial head! And make no mistake about it ~ over the due course of time, it's only going to get worse!

There is obviously no shame anymore!
*


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

minimalME said:


> Well, this is the world that we currently live in.
> 
> Where there used to be standards of behavior, now it's all about having fun and being entertained and who are you to judge me, and if two people are in agreement, then *who cares what the future consequences are?*
> 
> I don't see it getting better anytime soon.


We see it 'here', on TAM, with infidelity, with heartbreak.

This is the twig, the little drab green on our thinly-held-firm, branch of life.

The rest of the branch, the human race, is in a race by themselves, for themselves. 
Their direction is down, down the drain, to the bottom, to the pits.

Hurray for me, flub, snub you.

So goeth Religeon, Philosophy, so goes our Race, our Chase to the Stars.



The Host- off the chain, so as to pee, secretly type.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Well, hello good people of TAM!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The following quote from the article amuses me, as did other similar claims in the article.

"What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex."​
So she believes the nonsense that her affair partners used to justify their seeking out sex via online meet-up sites. Yea because people who cheat never lie.

When I was married to my son's father, he decided to make the marriage sexless for the last several years of the marriage. He actually told me one day that he would never have sex with me again, and he stuck to that.

From what some of the women he cheated with told me, he was out there telling these women that I was the one who chose not to have sex with him.

Cheaters are liars. They lie to their spouse and they lie to their affair partners.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Deejo said:


> Well, hello good people of TAM!


Hi! Long time no see around here. >


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Nothing can ever justify an affair. I don't care what the circumstances are.

But I would bet this article is particularly offensive to women who deny their husbands sex.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I read the article, yes, it is well written.

The authoress offers up two sides, shines one up, briefly mentions the other, the opposite view, the con.

She is reasonable, is sophisticated, is light hearted.

Most women, most men are not......... that.

And that is where this article goes awry, away from helpful truth.
From helpful truth to an excuse to cheat.

To Cheat with Benefits, employing the Benefit of Doubt.

Doubt of wrong doing, giving the cheater an out. 
Giving the cheater(s) a door. A door past sworn boundaries.

I love logic, I love reason.

Reason and logic cannot un-ding a dented, bilked, deflated heart. The heart of the BS.
It cannot soothe, it cannot replace a skipped beat, nor make it 'not' fret and flutter.

What this lady Cheetah wrote, wrung the good out of marital promises made, wrestled from, removed, re-arranged the words, from "I do" to "I disavow".

Why not just divorce?
Then do the dis-avowing.



KB-


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The following quote from the article amuses me, as did other similar claims in the article.
> 
> "What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex."​
> So she believes the nonsense that her affair partners used to justify their seeking out sex via online meet-up sites. Yea because people who cheat never lie.
> ...


*So true! And they also lie to everybody else! It's totally pandemic!

Cheaters will lie when the absolute truth would be far more believable!*


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> The following quote from the article amuses me, as did other similar claims in the article.
> 
> "What surprised me was that these husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex."​
> So she believes the nonsense that her affair partners used to justify their seeking out sex via online meet-up sites. Yea because people who cheat never lie.
> ...


And they lie to themselves, not admitting that it is 'they' that cannot make the marriage work, that it is they that have given up.

Given up, letting the air out of the marriage's tyres.

They lighting the flame. 
Subtle, small petty flames set. not yet a funeral pyre.
More so, smoke signals of despair, giving up hope.

The smoke, therefrom, blinding all eyes as to the source.
The source, 'the liar in wait', marital arsonist.


KB- from SunCMar's notes.


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## WildMustang (Nov 7, 2017)

Deejo said:


> Well, hello good people of TAM!



Deejo!!! Is it really YOU, Dude? Ha! Where have you been???

I used to love reading your posts on TAM years ago but then you disappeared. I just recently became a posting member about 5 months ago, so I doubt you would recognize me/my posts, although I have lurked for many years.

Just want to say hi and tell you that you are missed in this neck of the woods. Welcome back! I love the wisdom, quick wit and sense of humor in your posts!

Forgot to mention: I previously read that article. Very disturbing how a person seeks and/or welcomes sex with a married person and tries to justify it and normalize it as acceptable, because...insert reason.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

However there are some spouses who tell their husband or wife to get sex (But not emotional love one would suggest?) outside of the sexless marriage.

My wife said she thought it unfair that I should suffer from a lack of sex, so she gave me her blessing to have extramarital sex. Even apparently making a suggestion as to which of her friends might benefit from such a deal.

I tactfully turned the suggestion down. I am sure that i would confuse sexual intimacy with love and such an arrangement would not have ended well for anyone.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

It seems.....

It seems here, in this thread, that logic and reason cannot tamp down blind passion. 

Tamp down the fire within, this self-immolation, one committing marital Hara-Kiri!

Committing, one or both, pushing Harry and Kerry to heartbreak and anguish.

Hopefully, to penitence.

The heart is a hungry beast. 
It lives on sugar, not salt, not denial, not abstention.

It wants what is wants, it never quits, never goes off it's electric echoing.

If it does, it just dies. Taking the whole Corporeal Nation 'down' with it.

It wants what it wants.

And more times than not, it gets it's Way. Even a Wayward Way.

To deny one's heart is to deny life. 
A worthy, or not, life, pumped full of joy.

A Wayward's heart, not excluded.
A Wayward's heart, yet deluded.

It is better for a heart to beat deluded, than to beat to no refrain.
To beat alone.


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