# Separated but hopeful



## ldobbler (Sep 27, 2011)

I’ve found this forum to be very helpful, so I’d like to thank you all for your input so far.

My wife and I have been separated for a few weeks now. I moved into an apartment nearby but we still talk/text almost daily. Mostly just talk about things that need to get done, or a nice brief conversation about a good day at work or a funny thing that happened. It’s actually been pretty nice.

She went with me to my therapist this week and we talked a little about separation logistics (kids, when/who to tell, time etc.) She made a comment to me that I looked good and noticed that I seemed to be showing signs of change. That was wonderful to hear from her.

She’s afraid to give me false hope for us so is a little unsure how to act with me…..which I fully understand and respect. I’ve stopped pushing and she is appreciating the space. My therapist explained to her how this is a great opportunity for us both to re-claim ourselves that seems to get messed up with marriage and kids. She said that this would be a good time for her to feel like she can get some power back in her life as I was too controlling for too long and took that power away. Again, I fully understand and respect. My wife agreed.

I am cautiously optimistic and hope she can finally breath and feel like herself again. My sessions with my therapist have been invaluable and I’ve been readings some of the books that have been suggested by members of this forum which also have been very helpful…thank you again.

What is a little confusing to me and what I am afraid of looking too much into is the fact that my wife keeps asking my opinion on different home projects; paint colors; new shudder colors; cabinet knobs etc. She keeps using the words “we should do…..or… would you like it if we……”. It’s wonderful to be hear her include me and it gives me hope, but I’m afraid to look too much into it. She doesn’t want to give me false hope, but in a way she is giving me hope……I hope it isn’t false.

She may not be aware she is doing it and I certainly don’t want to draw attention to it. I’ve asked too many questions and tried to control her too many times in the past which is why we are where we are. She seems happier and she is doing projects on her own which may be part of her getting her power back and feeling like a person again….not just a wife or a mother…..which I think is wonderful and fully support.

I know she still isn’t sure of her feeling for me, and she isn’t sure what she hopes to get out of the separation; but do you think it’s wrong of me to have hope for us based on what she has been doing and saying?

Thanks. 
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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Best to not read too much in to this.

Keep going to counseling faithfully and learning to control your negative tendencies. It will take time before your wife thinks that these changes are permanent and not temporary


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