# Women might call me a insensitive pig.



## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

Bottom line is when my wife and i were dating she was one of the kinkiest women I ever dated. I couldn't keep her mouth off my penis and her mouth always preceded sex and we usually came together each heated session, several times a day. We tried every position and every toy. 
From the very first penetration I noticed that she wasn't as "tight" as I was accustomed to, mainly when she was worked up and super wet. But the foreplay was so great that it didn't matter to me, it still felt great. But as the years rolled on and the BJs left and the foreplay left I find it difficult to ejaculate and lose my erection. I made the mistake years ago after she was yelling at me accusing me of having an affair resulting from my limpness. I made the fatal error of telling her how she felt to me. Wrong.
I started taking ED pills which helps. I dont have ED because if I masterbate i get hard easily and stay hard indefinately. Perhaps i feel I'm too small to her. I am not overly large but I'm of average diameter and 6 and 7/8 inches long. I suppose I'm average. She did make a comment one night that larger diameter is better than length, which hurt me. She gives me absolutely NO foreplay, even before this incident. For three years she doesn't touch my penis, she wants me to go down on her sometimes before sex but will not return the favor. She knows I like short hair but she grows her bush four inches long. I shave. 
I quit asking for BJs because I noticed the grimace on her face when she went down on me, like total disgust. It's been a year since my last BJ. I have asked her to at least touch me, pretend you want me. I have to pull her hand and manually hold her hand while i stroke my wang. But no, she wants a back massage her neck kissed and sensually ravaged by me but no return. How can she expect me to do this? I have got to be stimulated esp with the way i feel her. I love her with all my heart and I dont care the way she feels, I love her and because of that sex is pleasurable because I'm making "love" to her not her body. 
Shes clueless and just doesn't get it. Im done trying to explain this over and over to her. It's to the point where I don't want sex anymore because i know how difficult it is for me to perform without going limp or staying hard and not cumming. We have suffered thru this for years now and i see no help. I have tried to get her to counseling, I have tried to get her to read books with me but to no avail. I find myself masterbating days on end without cumming just in order to get myself "worked" up before sex but then I get too worked up and have premature ejaculation which is frustrating to her since she can t cum in 1min or less. Arrrgghhhh!


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I think she's the insensitive pig, not you.

I think you have explained your issues and how your trying to cope very well and admire your effort. What I don't understand is why the kinkiness/foreplay stopped on her end. That doesn't seem addressed very much. It even sounds like she does things to intentionally sabotage intimacy.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

You need to figure out what changed. 

You also need to keep in mind that women need to be stimulated, too. We aren't just ready to go on command; we do need to be touched and caressed and put in the mood, so to speak. So...if she gives you what you want/need, you have to be willing to do the same for her. 

But you need to first find out what happened to make the foreplay and all that go away. Something happened at some point to make her stop wanting to do all that. You don't explaining the timing of all this very well, but I will say if it all stopped after you told her that she didn't feel right/tight/whatever to you...well there you go. That would be very hurtful and would certainly make me not want to do anything for you, if I were her. 

You need to talk to her, find out what happened, apologize if it's something you said/did, and instead of trying to lay blame, work together to figure out a way to get back to where you two used to be.


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## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

Thank you for your replies. I wish I knew the answer as to why she stopped. I do completely understand that women need foreplay,and it is ME who does the foreplay for her, i caress, kiss and fondle her but during this time I am not even once touched in where I need to be. Is that right? 
Even before I made the hurting comment this was the case. I have since apologized over and over, I have tried to explain that's not what I meant. I love her and I love her body, I do in fact. Despite how she feels, I love her and this makes up for everything. On those very rare occasions when she used to touch me the vaginal "feeling" issue was not a issue at all. Of course the wetter she is the less sensation I feel but like I said not a issue when I'm heated up. Now I can't even remember the time we came together. 
I am 90% sure she cheated on me a couple years ago but I had no proof, just messed up stories and town gossip. I confronted the guy looked him in the eye, his wife too but he and my wife denied it. I gut felt they did. She got pregnant with "I feel another man's baby" but before I could get a dna test we lost the baby due to a miscarriage. I figured up a very close time of conception and what do ya know it was during the time his wife was out of state for two weeks. Hmmm. I'll never know, I got over it and forgave even if she wasn't cheating on me. Perhaps she has a feeling of guilt during sex or oral sex and touching brings her bad memories from a former cheating relationship, I'm out of theories, other than she doesnt love me anymore. thank you


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Resentment, it will kill sexual attraction.

Have you ever confronted your woman directly about the cheating?

And about the calculation of the timing of the child and what you suspect is the real story?

If she thinks you know, and either afriad to confront her or not caring enough to confront her, her respect for you is greatly withered.

If you harbor resentment from this affair, it will diminish your performance.

If your woman does not respect you, it will diminish her performance.

And these other things:

Stop apologizing to your woman so much. Too much apologizing is not honest and sincere, and is also a great respect killer. 

If you make an error, correct it, otherwise stop begging or pleading for her approval. This is proper for your whole attitude and approach to this relationship, top to bottom, sexually, emotionally, intimately, day to day activities, have this attitude and it will serve you well.

And finally, your title implied the "insensitive pig", so I am still waiting for this facet of your personality to be revealed. 

So far I see perhaps too much a "nice guy", and am still waiting for the pig to appear.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

My wife does Kegel excercises, they can be done while sitting and watchiing tv or anytime really. After 2 kids and weight gain weight loss it doesn't matter, she is always tight. Google it and then lead your way gently into the discussion with her about the subject 

I know this doesn't answer everything but it may help with the one problem.




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"A recipe is only a theme, which an intelligent cook can play each time with a variation. -Benoit


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## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

BigBadWolf said:


> Resentment, it will kill sexual attraction.
> 
> Have you ever confronted your woman directly about the cheating?
> 
> ...



Well, I should have phrased that such as, I apologized years ago after I said it. Since that time we/I haven't spoken of the comment again. It's history. Although I'm sure it lingers in her thoughts.
As far as resentment, I agree resentment can be causitive factors for problems. Again, that was years ago and if resentment remains after I have forgiven it is slight. I have moved on and think of it rarely. 
Honestly, I feel she is the insensitive pig, not I. Nice guys finish last. She's a stonewall and I really don't feel there's nothing I can do. She is the way she is. If she doesn't want to touch me and she thinks that I should saddle up, or "man up" as she said the other night. I should ride her like her fantasy without any input from her. Shes sadly mistaken, not gonna happen. I usually give in after I get really horny and thats all it takes, not rewarding, master-bating is better sadly. She has some deep personal issues with me or more than likely her.


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## prometheus (Nov 13, 2010)

I agree, however bringing that up to her inmature and childish nature in the most adult and loving way would be a place I wouldn't want to when she started screaming and throwing things. Thanks though.


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## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

Your situation sounds much too complicated to address here.

I think you guys definitely need counseling to work through
the stacking resentment. 

Personally, I agree with the poster above who said that you 
don't sound insensitive at all. However, you have only given us
your side of the story and this is crucial since you undoubtedly perceive things differently than your partner.

I would strongly suggest a neutral counsellor to just open the 
issues up. After that, it is up to the two of you to either try and work through things, accept the status quo, or bid each other
farewell.

Good luck!


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

well i am a woman, and i have a little bit of experience in this area. but first off, let me tell you that i don't think you are being insensitive about it, sounds to me like you are trying to work at it so that both of you have an enjoyable sex life.

ok so not all people are going to "fit" together perfectly...but love usually conquers this area and people learn to deal. lets also remember that having kids probably made some adjustments as well. my ex b/f, who was also a sex addict so it does make the situation a little different, wasn't very well endowed, maybe lets say a little less than average, which i didn't mind at all, let me also say in my opinion he was the BEST i'd ever ever had...but apparently he thought i was "loose"...and accused me constantly of cheating bc he would say it felt different than other times (which let me add a woman will feel different at different times of the month, look it up if you don't believe me). he also wanted sex about 4 times a day everyday, so when was i supposed to tighten back up? anyways, he was very insensitive about it, and would yell at me and accuse me during sex, and make me feel awful.

here are the things you could try, or rather she could try... kegals is one, but there is this cream on the market called Virgin Cream, it tightens you up almost instantly, i dunno how it works but it really does work. but the most important factor here is that she respects your needs. i would do oral for my man everyday if he wanted me too....sex also for that matter. my son is 12 weeks old, but i still find time to "get kinky" 2-3 times a week, you gotta keep the love alive. i hope things get better. i think you need to keep talking until she gets it...make her realize a sexless marriage is no way to live.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She wants her back massaged and her neck ravaged? Go to town on that, get her worked up and then exit. Right now, she has no reason to pursue or please you cause you will take care of her needs whether she actively participates or not. She's told you what her idea of foreplay is...the massage and the neck business. Get her well into the game and then retreat. She sounds like she'd respond to the tease. 99% of sex happens between the ears and it happens outside the bedroom. Rather than focus on what you can get from her (BJ, etc), how about changing the game? The goal is just to get her as excited as humanly possible. Few people would stay interested in fishing if fish just hopped into the boat. As it stands, you've assigned her the role of the pursued and you, the role of frustrated pursuer. She gets horny just like you do and you know how to get her that way.


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