# Rented a place and now emtional



## jojo_lynn (Jun 16, 2015)

Over the last 8mos I have felt strong on my decision that my marriage hasn't been working for the past 4 yrs. Hubby has felt it too. We been married 20yrs. He is 100% dedicated to the marriage no matter what. I kills him that I finally said I cant do this anymore. I want to be happy in life. I am the positive one and his personality is very negative. Which makes everyday life so unbalanced and miserable. 

We moved into different rooms about 6mos ago. About a month ago something was mentioned that we were still working on it by him. In my mind we havent been trying to solve any issues. When we talk about our issues, it ends in a yelling match. 

I decided at that point maybe I should move out. I signed the Rental Lease today. Even as I was handing the deposit and rent money to the lady. I felt a painful urge to run screaming from the office and not sign the lease. 

I did sign the paperwork against my painful heart. I stood there smilling but was so numb. I came back to our home, I cried and cried. Which I have not cried this whole 8mos. I had this pull to talk to hubby about it. All I could do is cry, he held me and let me get it out. 

After a few hours, I asked do you think maybe we will reconcile after this year. Maybe being apart will help it. He said no, if we havent by now he cant see how we can.

In my mind I see everything so clear. How we got to where we are, why it doesnt work between us, where I like life to go to be happy. As soon as I start thinking about the new place (I move in tomorrow). I just ball like a baby.

I just dont understand why I was so strong until now and now I feel so weak.

Any advice how to kick this feeling. I can see me pushing my feelings down and walking around numb for the next year.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

#1 Do things you LOVE. Work is work...and if you are lucky enough to love it, then YAY! Otherwise, find things outside of work to love!

#2 Date him. What could it hurt?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*In any major decision, there's always going to be vacillating feelings all while the hammer is being pulled! It's nothing really all that unusual!

Just move on and don't look backward! IMHO, he wants this separation as badly as you do!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It's normal when things move in a direction of finality. It's anther step into the disconnection. It seems that you truly care for each other. Try not to predict the future. Live your life "as if" you are happy and free. See what it brings.


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## zackie (Aug 27, 2013)

I am experiencing the exact same thing, even down to my H being the one committed to the marriage and also being the negative one. I put down a deposit on an apartment and I can't bring myself to go sign the lease. I start crying every time I think about it. H says once I move out we are moving forward with the divorce. It all seems so final. I know we can't move forward if we don't separate and I can't stop vacillating between this feeling of need for him and the feeling for freedom from the marriage. Just wanted you to know you are not alone!


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## Karen Smith (Feb 14, 2016)

JoJo Lynn, I too am in a very similar situation. H being committed and negative. I work hard on our marriage, while he says he gets stressed when he works on it. That I need to lower my expectations. Going on for about 4 years now. Just now planning my separation, financial and future home. I separated 2 1/2 years ago, I left for 4 months. Reconciled. We are right back to where we started when I left the first time. 30+ years of marriage and he makes me feel like I am not worth the effort of his working WITH me to save it. He'd rather I be his mother and caregiver than a wife/woman! I'm ready to move on. Painful as it is and will be for some time. Reading many stories here has helped me understand that life is too short. 

I feel your pain and also thank you for sharing your story. I love that you are a positive person and desire happiness. That you are not going to let his pessimistic attitude change you. My H is like that. He has changed a lot in the last 5 years. Not the happy man I feel in love with. I love him and care about him...but am not IN LOVE with him anymore. I too desire happiness and positive mental attitude with my partner for me to flourish. 

My renewed love in God and Jesus is keeping me healthy and feeling loved in this new to come chapter of my life. I hope you can find that same faith in you to help ease your pain.

Bets to you! Karen


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Jojo, sorry you are here. It sounds like you are not really done, a woman who is done will look forward to moving on. What have you guys done exactly to try and restore the marriage? Have you read the relevant books, gone to counselling individually, gone to MC, etc. Marriages go through seasons and the winter season is the worst but people come back from it, but they have to put in the effort.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

As someone married to a negative person, I completely understand. When I finally got my H to a counselor after 30 years of marriage, she gave him ONE homework assignment: just to say five positive things a day, come up with five things nice he could think of to say, even something as lame as I'm glad it's not raining. He tried - once - that day, and couldn't even THINK of five things. And quit. Hearing negative comments day in and day out - or being the FOCUS of that negativity - is crushing.

You only get one life. Don't waste it with someone who sucks the soul out of you like that.

And of course he said 'if you move out, it's over.' It's all he knows to say to threaten you not to leave. Because he hasn't done any soul-searching to understand what he'd need to do to make things different.

And I think that moving out DOES give your marriage a chance. He will never look at himself because he doesn't have to. But if he decides he really wants back what he had, he MIGHT give himself the motivation to seek help for it.


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

The clarity on top of the fact that you have taken this huge step is emotionally tolling. He has less power over you.


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