# Is there a chance?



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Here's the history: My husband and I have been married for 24 years w/14 and 20 year old. We've had a great life for the most part. We've always been loyal, honest, and faithful and basically on the same page. Neither of us like drama and we steer from it.

Since Oct. my husband has been disconnected in the marriage. Oct. was when the stock market/economy dropped and his job is tied to that industry. It's been bad work-wise. Financially we are good. However, that disconnect he blamed on the "I love you but no longer in love with you" or I am no longer attracted to you. He admitted to being confused with to the cause of his unhappiness. He saw a counselor in November until present.

In January, we began working with a couples counselor. The disconnect was still there. In Feb. he announced that he was heading toward a divorce. No affairs, no abuse. I had a feeling that he was still looking for a source of his unhappiness.

In May, I couldn't stand waiting when the axe (divorce) was going to fall. I wanted to make the marriage work but couldn't do it alone. I told him that I wanted to move out and let him proceed with whatever (divorce) he needed to do. I felt like I was in LIMBO. He was horrible up to this point (like a cloud hanging over him and pained).

I plan on moving out with my daughter in August.
Leaving him alone.

Our family life is still in tact. No fighting or drama. Still the disconnect. Sex every 2 weeks (not that good). He calls me a few times a day to see if I need anything on the way home, etc. We watch movies as a family, go places together. 

It is my hope, when we move out, that he will find that the grass isn't greener. That he really missed our family. That he has a pretty good life. 

I plan on leaving the "door" open to our marriage/relationship. Moving out will allow me to move forward, and give him space. I REALLY don't want to divorce and have no plans in filing...I'll let him do the honors. 

What are my chances that he sees the light? He doesn't have anyone on the side. He's 45 and reevaluating his life, I can see...I've been there. Perhaps, he will change his mind? Or do you think that I should try to move on?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I think moving out, in your case puts you both in an ideal position to launch a reconciliation, or actually _prepare_ you to move on.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

When a spouse is unwilling or unable to reconnect in the marriage a separation or a strong show by the spouse wanting to salvage the marriage can draw the other back. There is a chance he will see what he is about to lose but prepare yourself for the worst. Try reading Dobson’s “Love Must be Tough.”When a spouse is unwilling or unable to reconnect in the marriage a separation or a strong show by the spouse wanting to salvage the marriage can draw the other back. There is a chance he will see what he is about to lose but prepare yourself for the worst. Try reading Dobson’s “Love Must be Tough.”


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Thanks for the comments. I did read Dobson's "Love Must Be Tough" after I told him about me moving out. When I read it, I realized that I was doing the right thing. It's difficult to do when you are the one wanting the marriage still and then you are leaving. 

Many days, I feel like begging, pleading, and talking the marriage to death. It has taken me months of significant restraint in order to NOT do these things. I am doing this by the "book."

It's like I am living in a surreal world. 

I am having a diffiult time in figuring out if I want a 6 month (harder to come by ) or a 12 month lease or furnished (in case his mind is changed/harder to find with a dog) or unfurnished. It's the hope that I am still holding onto to....


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