# learning to trust....HELP!



## ds10 (Jan 31, 2009)

ok,so six months ago i find a letter in my wife's purse to another guy that she knows from her job."what turns you on"? "what do you really think of ME?" "how is what we want to happen going to fall into place?" Just a few examples of questions she asked in the letter. she says he was just a friend,she never gave him the letter,they never saw each other outside of work etc. i told her to take a lie detector test she said she would do it.she changed her cell number.got a new job.seems to be doing everything right.says she messed up,we were having a lot of problems in our relationship etc.I have to admit that at the time,if the opportunity would of presented itself i would have probably cheated too.we were doing really bad.
my problem is that i cant trust her....at all!! how can i learn to trust her? how could she be such a two face!! she played the role soooo well!! i wouldnt have known **** if i wouldnt have found the note!!! what if i left her itching to have sex with another man? is she gonna do this again if we go thru some hard times again? if i call her and she doesnt pick up,i start to freak out! what if she is still talking to this guy? 
please if anyone has some good advice on learning how to trust their spouse,or how to stop thinking about what has happend please let me know.at what point is it best to just walk away? how long does this suspicion and doubt last? its driving me AND her crazy? am i just gonna push her away and destroy this anyway??????


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Trust is horrible thing to lose! My husband cheated on me and I struggle with the problem a lot. Our marriage is over, and I still have problems. I go to counseling because I don't want to carry the mistrust over to the next relationship---but it's going to be hard.

If you decide to stay married, I believe you and your wife should go to counseling. Your wife is going to have to be willing to live a transparent life. By that I mean there can't be any secrets. She will have to allow you complete access to all her e-mails, text messages, etc. It is now up to her to EARN your trust. If she isn't willing to do that, you don't have a marriage.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

If she passed the lie detector test and nothing happened...and she has changed jobs and done everything you have asked her to do, then you need to back off...

She's trying to rebuild your trust and you're making it impossible with your paranoia...it's a very real paranoia, but you're making it difficult for not only her, but yourself and your relationship.

By doing what you're doing and feeling what you're feeling, you are going to do nothing more than push her away and you'll end up right back in the **** with her again.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## ds10 (Jan 31, 2009)

thanks for the advice.its been really tough,i dont know if we are going to make it.preacher your are right,i see that comnig if my paranoia doesnt subside.we are going to counseling,i know that i need it,i feel that this is going to be a problem for me in other relationships as well.the kicker to all of this is that she is pregnant!! thats making it sooo much worse,i cant help but wonder if its mine or not!! of course she says nothing ever happend between tham so she knows its mine. we found out she is six months pregnant. that means that she was pregnant BEFORE i found out she was cheating!! this **** is crazy!! i feel like walking away from her stupid a55!!! but she is making it hard because she is doing everything right.......


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

ds10 said:


> thanks for the advice.its been really tough,i dont know if we are going to make it.preacher your are right,i see that comnig if my paranoia doesnt subside.we are going to counseling,i know that i need it,i feel that this is going to be a problem for me in other relationships as well.the kicker to all of this is that she is pregnant!! thats making it sooo much worse,i cant help but wonder if its mine or not!! of course she says nothing ever happend between tham so she knows its mine. we found out she is six months pregnant. that means that she was pregnant BEFORE i found out she was cheating!! this **** is crazy!! i feel like walking away from her stupid a55!!! but she is making it hard because she is doing everything right.......


Doing everything right does not mean that you are happy. The baby is old enough for a DNA test. You should consider it.


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