# Playing hard to get?



## Annail (Dec 14, 2009)

Hi,

I messed up my marriage and want to save it desperately – please!!! I have made MANY mistakes. My husband has always loved me unconditionally. 

We went thought a terrible financial crisis, which is not over yet. I blamed him, emotionally abused him, told him how bad and pathetic he was for not providing. I asked him many time for a divorce and to leave, as we were living with other people (my family), which I couldn’t take anymore, I felt like a burden to these people and thought that they saw him as a burden as well, and told him this many time. 

Now we are living alone again but he says he want to be alone. And that he wants a divorce. He says we should never have gotten married and that he doesn’t love me anymore. 

I have begged and pleaded and I believe he is involved with wrong business partners. I have been exactly what he is going through and am giving him space. But I do not want to lose him and what we’ve had. I now remember why I fell in love with him. Unfortunately, I am still the only breadwinner. I apologized and asked for forgiveness. I know it will never be the same again, it can only be better. 

I cannot believe how I mistreated this wonderful man. He truly loved me unconditionally. I have truly learned from my mistakes. He has never believed in divorce and now he is the one that is thinking of getting divorced. I am 32 in January and would also love to fall pregnant. I have the support of his entire family.

I have moved into the spare bedroom - after the crazy neediness, threatening, and general mad behaviour passed. And I am giving him his space and playing hard to get (advice everybody gave me). But how do you play hard to get when we live in the same house and I am on leave?


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

I don't think you should play hard to get. I think you should just become the sweet, loving wife you once were, without the needy, threatening and mad part. 

When you catch him in a good mood, with a mature and loving attitude ask him to give you a period of time to gain his trust back. Don't plead or apologize. Just tell him how you realized you love him a lot and how you want everything to work out, also how you aren't pressuring him or in a hurry and if he'd just be open to let you try you'd show him you can get along and love eachother again. 

This obviously involves you being nice and loving with him again and accepting of him (completely). This doesn't mean you jump on him and shower him with affection. You generally respect his space...while being as nice to him as possible (I'm going to say this again, not needy or clingy) and he'll probably start coming closer bit by bit. When he does start becoming closer, don't jump up to what you want it to be and suddenly think you're back to the loving closeness you once had. Nop..self-control..he gets closer a bit, you get closer a bit. That's my opinion on things.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

Nekko said:


> I don't think you should play hard to get. I think you should just become the sweet, loving wife you once were, without the needy, threatening and mad part.


This is exactly right. Think twice before saying anything to him, to make sure you don't say something hurtful. I think you should quietly move back into the same room with him. "Giving him space" is not a physical thing - it's emotional.


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## letitgo (Nov 3, 2009)

What changed your feelings for him? 
I dont blame him for being the way he is after you treated him like that. Dont play hard to get, be yourself but add some extra nice into the mix.


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