# Do you leave a message when calling OMW?



## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

As we feared/expected, OM contacted my ws while he was in town this week. WS had a convo w/him that basically reiterated NC.

Since being told of the conversation I have been trying to reach OMW, since he obviously did not make any attempt to be honest w/her and has no intention of doing it.

Here's my problem. I've called three times over the last several hours and keep getting the answering machine. So...do I leave a message that I have "Urgent personal business" to discuss with her or just keep calling until I get a live person?

I am determined that she is going to know everything today, just not sure what the best course is. Help?


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

There are different schools of thought on that.

If you leave a message, OM may intercept and erase it. Whether he erases it or not, if he hears it, it can allow him to cook up his best cover story.

On the other hand, if they're lime my wife and I, we never answer the phone if we don't recognize the number, so she may be there, and without anything starting to come through the machine, she may not pick up even if she's sitting right there.

Do you have any othe way of contacting her directly (cell phone, or, not as ideal, but...email, Facebook)? That may be the way to go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

She's probably home and not wanting to pick up to an unknown number. I never do either. I would say something on her machine that makes her want to call you back. Perhaps, "I'm sorry I have to be the one to do this, but I have some information you need to know about your Husband and my wife. Please call me back." That way if anyone else hears the message, like a child or a friend, they won't really know what it's regarding. She can eventually cover it up and say it was regarding business or something.

If she does not call you back, send her a letter for which she must sign. Maybe even fed ex it? I don't know which way is the most reliable for ensuring only the name listed gets the package/letter. I bet there's someone here who knows.

Be sure to give her a way to contact you so she can know it's not a hoax. Plus, let her know you'd appreciate verification that she got the information, even if it's a "mind your own business." You can rest easy with a clear conscience you tried your best to inform her of the situation.

Be sure to give proof, because she most likely will be in shock and denial. Good luck and keep us posted!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Saffron said:


> She's probably home and not wanting to pick up to an unknown number. I never do either. I would say something on her machine that makes her want to call you back. Perhaps, "I'm sorry I have to be the one to do this, but I have some information you need to know about your Husband and my wife. Please call me back." That way if anyone else hears the message, like a child or a friend, they won't really know what it's regarding. She can eventually cover it up and say it was regarding business or something.
> 
> If she does not call you back, send her a letter for which she must sign. Maybe even fed ex it? I don't know which way is the most reliable for ensuring only the name listed gets the package/letter. I bet there's someone here who knows.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

OM fishing is so textbook that its so predictable. 

At least your wife rebuffed it and his fishing was fruitless and he got skunked.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

If the OM's W has any doubts have your wife confess to her.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

That sux, but it was absolutly predicatble.

It does not suck if your wife did her part like it sounds.

How did he contact her? Was she at work? Was it like right away after he got in town?

I agree the wife is probably screening her calls.

Be prepared for anything, including that she does not care.
But she needs to know and you need her to know.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Is it time for a restraining order?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

A bouquet of dead roses with a note attached; "Call Me"


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Saffron said:


> She's probably home and not wanting to pick up to an unknown number. I never do either. I would say something on her machine that makes her want to call you back. Perhaps, "I'm sorry I have to be the one to do this, but I have some information you need to know about your Husband and my wife. Please call me back." That way if anyone else hears the message, like a child or a friend, they won't really know what it's regarding. She can eventually cover it up and say it was regarding business or something.
> 
> If she does not call you back, send her a letter for which she must sign. Maybe even fed ex it? I don't know which way is the most reliable for ensuring only the name listed gets the package/letter. I bet there's someone here who knows.
> 
> ...


I agree with this approach. I would add that you will continue trying to contact her until you have a response, just so you know for certain that she got the message.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> A bouquet of dead roses with a note attached; "Call Me"


:rofl:

TAM is full of LOLz today.

I agree with the poster that said OMW prob doesn't answer to answer an unknown #. I say, leave her a message. Not one that says 'HEY YOUR HUSBAND WANTS ON MY WIFE" but something discreet and for her to call you.

When does OMonster get in town? 

Re: him breaking contact--either he has no respect for her boundaries or she hasn't told him to go NC. If it's the first part, then he is a d-uchebag. If it's the latter, big problemo.

Where did he call her? On her cell PHONE??


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I have no idea why I typed PHONE in all caps. Crazy.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

NO. DO NOT LEAVE A MESSAGE.

Absolutely NO written evidence, NO recorded evidence.

You do not want to open yourself up to any HARRASMENT lawsuits. Besides the fact that some messages particularly ambiguous ones that the OM intercepts (or OM-W gives to him) can be interpreted in many ways, Lawyers can spin something innocuous into all kinds of bizarre scenario's. No, no, no. Get her on the phone, or find her and talk to her in person.

Cover your a$$ at all times when dealing with fogged people or people with obvious moral failings. You dont want your intentions rewritten to suit some fantasy scenario OM cooks up.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Ok. Yeah Pit has a point.

Maybe you could send her a certified letter she has to sign for? Send it overnight or priority mail when you know OM won't be home? 

Is she online or do you have email or FB you could find her on?


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> NO. DO NOT LEAVE A MESSAGE.
> 
> Absolutely NO written evidence, NO recorded evidence.
> 
> ...


Ugh. Agree you need to CYA, but going and talking to her in person is too traumatic for the OMW. It's how I found out. Even now I get an adenaline rush if someone rings my doorbell and I'm not expecting it. I also get anxious when someone calls and hangs up. It's incredibly scary and for all I knew the guy was going to rape me in front of my children.

Seriously, the worst way to find out. Personally, if I was going to sue for harassement, it would because of the OM coming to my house. My children were there and my neighbor was outside and saw too. I had eye witnesses. I honestly felt violated in more ways then one after that experience, my personal space had been invaded by an angry stranger.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

This may be a question for your MC. 

We discussed with our MC that my H has probably disclosed to me more about the affair than the OW probably has to her H. The MC basically said it's usually standard suggested protocol that there should be no contact between loyal spouses of infidelity and that we should focus on our marriage, not theirs. 

I don't think our MC was very pleased with OWH telling me in person and not sure what she would've recommended in your situation Struggling. My guess would be to file a restraining order against him and follow the proper channels and leave it to the professionals.

May need to go edit my last post more. I hate thinking that OWH or even the OW could be out there reading and figure out this is me due to my description of events. I try to stay as ambiguous as possible on this site.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Thanks for all the responses. I will begin drafting a letter to send registered mail that she will need to sign for. I will also keep calling every few hours to see if anyone ever picks up. The only message I considered leaving was that I have an urgent personal matter I need to discuss with her.

OM is in town currently. He hit town last night and had dinner w/an old friend of wife's. They all went to high school together and reconnected at the reunion. I suspect that was a fishing attempt there, in that he knows how close the two women are and figured that if he invited the friend, the friend would invite my wife. If she was willing to go underground she could have accepted, said she was having dinner w/the friend and seen OM.

Then he called her this morning at her office on her work line. Another sign that he was both fishing and trying to get her to go underground as he would assume that I'd be checking her cell and that I wouldn't be able to track calls on the work line.

With me present, my wife back in May had the NC call where she spelled it out in no uncertain terms. I then got on the phone w/ OM and also spelled out that he was to have no further contact. So yes, he is something of a d-bag. It was typical fishing script..."I was just calling to see how you were doing?"

My anger towards my ws comes from the fact that rather than shut him down immediately she allowed him to engage her in conversation. They talked for several minutes, during which time she reinforced that she is very happy with her decision, that we are doing very well on the way to R, and the best thing he could do is get gone.

His final comment was that he wouldn't try to contact again. I'll believe it when I see it, personally. I'm sure he'll be on another fishing trip w/in a few months. 

We both think this guy is completely checked out on his marriage, no fog left, no nothing, just doesn't want to be there, and he's using me as his hatchet man. Which really hacks me off. 

I'm very frustrated that I can't get ahold of her as I just want to get this done. I don't like the idea of being the weapon used to destroy someone's marriage. 

So, so far my wife has done pretty well although I think she failed a little in having the conversation. But it's a good step and one that I think brings us even closer to R.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Grayson said:


> If you leave a message, OM may intercept and erase it. Whether he erases it or not, if he hears it, it can allow him to cook up his best cover story.



OM isn't home. He is in the town trying to hook up. I'd leave a brief message. Something like, "You're husband is in ____. He has contacted my wife, trying for a liason. They had been in an affair and he was not supposed to contact her. Please call me at _____."

OK. All of that was before reading Pit's response. He has a point. Also, I didn't think of kids hearing it. Good luck, man.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Saffron said:


> Ugh. Agree you need to CYA, but going and talking to her in person is too traumatic for the OMW. It's how I found out. Even now I get an adenaline rush if someone rings my doorbell and I'm not expecting it. I also get anxious when someone calls and hangs up. It's incredibly scary and for all I knew the guy was going to rape me in front of my children.
> 
> Seriously, the worst way to find out. Personally, if I was going to sue for harassement, it would because of the OM coming to my house. My children were there and my neighbor was outside and saw too. I had eye witnesses. I honestly felt violated in more ways then one after that experience, my personal space had been invaded by an angry stranger.


Yes, this is very understandable. Risky for a great many reasons.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> Thanks for all the responses. I will begin drafting a letter to send registered mail that she will need to sign for. I will also keep calling every few hours to see if anyone ever picks up. The only message I considered leaving was that I have an urgent personal matter I need to discuss with her.
> 
> OM is in town currently. He hit town last night and had dinner w/an old friend of wife's. They all went to high school together and reconnected at the reunion. I suspect that was a fishing attempt there, in that he knows how close the two women are and figured that if he invited the friend, the friend would invite my wife. If she was willing to go underground she could have accepted, said she was having dinner w/the friend and seen OM.
> 
> ...


Not perfect. Maybe good enough. Without out you listening in who can tell? The time they talked gave her a shot of him even if she did set him straight. You don't really know how long the conversation was but sure dwelling on that is not the thing to do right now. Just keep her close while he is in the area to monitor her and for her get warmth from you and not to become lonely for him.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Since the OM is not home .... I don't see a problem with a short message.

Something like, "I have personal information about your husband and his trip, please call me at 555-555-1212"

This would not harm children hearing the message and I don't see how it could be considered harassment.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

I think a very generic message that conveys it is an urgent personal matter could probably be ok. I will keep thinking about it. I tried calling again about 45 mins ago. Will wait another few hours in case she and her kids were out and about. If they're screening, the only way to get to her will be to send a letter or leave a message.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

This is what a voice distortion box and a burner phone are for. I probably still have a homemade ring-modulator around here somewhere that'll make you sound like a Dalek.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Ex-term-in-ate!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Well you can't easily describe that to the cops can you?


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

The fact that you guys even know who the Daleks are tells me I am soooo in the right place! Although Grayson, weren't you the one with the Firefly wristband? 

Thanks for the shot of humor! Certainly makes the day go better.


SM


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

That I am, SM.

Unfortunately, the wife and I are skipping this year's "Can't Stop the Serenity" charity screening because it's scheduled an hour's drive away, instead of the usual 10-15 minutes. Between the drive, getting there early enough to get in line for a decent seat, pre-show stuff, the Dr. Horrible screening, the Serenity screening, then the ride home, it'd be an all-day thing (plus finding someone to watch the kiddo...that's just too long to ask an ADHD 9 year old to sit still in a movie theater)...far too much time and effort for a pair of movies that we own already (one of them, three times over), even if it benefits a good cause.

We now return you to the topic at hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

I hear you. I don't think the screening was any closer for me. Wife isn't a Firefly afficianado but she did love Dr. Horrible. sorry you missed it, you're right it is a good cause.

Back on topic. Left a brief message on the voicemail, just explaining who I am and that I have a personal matter I need to discuss as soon as possible. Don't know if that will help but who knows?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

A good chance your wife will have voice mail from the OM in the morning about someone contacting his wife. He will probably feel ... violated.

Hope she calls you. She may have been through this before.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Doubt if OM will hear about it before I hear from her. He is out of town until early next week. Theoretically it should all come out in the wash and he'll be in for an interesting homecoming.

I hope she call me, but I'm not looking forward to the conversation. I guess if she's been through it before it won't be a big deal, but still.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> Doubt if OM will hear about it before I hear from her. He is out of town until early next week. Theoretically it should all come out in the wash and he'll be in for an interesting homecoming.
> 
> I hope she call me, but I'm not looking forward to the conversation. I guess if she's been through it before it won't be a big deal, but still.


Thought she might call his cell phone asking him WTF. Anyway, I am hoping you get this all together and can continue your recovery with your wife.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

Any update today Struggling?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

SM, does the OMW know your wife?


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

No update. Left the vm and no call back. Talked to MC about it last night and she basically scared the crap out of us, talking about a vengeful bs who made it her mission to destroy the life of her husband's other woman. Sent letters to her kids, employer, etc. 

Now I'm worried about what sort of storm I'm about to unleash on my family just because I am trying to do the right thing. Ugh.

And no, she doesn't know the wife, never met her. Only knew OM through high school and reconnected at class reunion.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Don't fear what you're about to do. It's important you let her know


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> Talked to MC about it last night and she basically scared the crap out of us, talking about a vengeful bs who made it her mission to destroy the life of her husband's other woman. Sent letters to her kids, employer, etc.


Well, this situation was probably different. If the OW in that case was the aggressor and kept chasing the husband, that type of action was warranted. In your case, your wife is pushing for no contact. Her husband is clearly the aggressor. I think you are doing right in letting her know that.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

She deserves to know and I think that if you explain that you felt she dererved to know then she will be understanding of where your coming from and not go all psycho.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> No update. Left the vm and no call back. Talked to MC about it last night and she basically scared the crap out of us, talking about a vengeful bs who made it her mission to destroy the life of her husband's other woman. Sent letters to her kids, employer, etc.
> 
> Now I'm worried about what sort of storm I'm about to unleash on my family just because I am trying to do the right thing. Ugh.
> 
> And no, she doesn't know the wife, never met her. Only knew OM through high school and reconnected at class reunion.


So is this MC not in favor of exposure?


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

@forsaken - She's in favor of letting the truth come out, but warned us of the risk to us if the woman goes psycho. I know it's the right thing to do, but I'm really concerned that she is going to try to scorched earth our lives too. Sigh. Nothing's ever easy is it?

In addition to that, I'm second guessing myself because I get the very strong feeling that the OM wants me to make that call. He wants out of his marriage but doesn't want to be the one to pull the trigger. What a dbag.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> What a dbag.


OM = dbag. Plain and simple. If not, they wouldn't be involved with a married woman.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> @forsaken - She's in favor of letting the truth come out, but warned us of the risk to us if the woman goes psycho. I know it's the right thing to do, but I'm really concerned that she is going to try to scorched earth our lives too. Sigh. Nothing's ever easy is it?


You're going down the 'What if...' route. Don't go that way. It's long, dark and is a dead end.

Do what needs to be done. Your MC told you of 1 (one) (SINGULAR) case of maybe hundreds she may have seen in which the 'What if...' didn't happen.
As is often the case.

Don't worry, go for it.
Best wishes
N-B


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Hopefully she will call you soon.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I would not worry too much about her going crazy on you.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

it-guy: I don't really know her, but what little I've heard is she has a ridiculous temper. I agree w/you that it is a very low probability, but I just don't want her nuking my life and the lives of my kids just because she's peeved at my wife. 

She still has not called back yet, btw. Ugh. I hate this.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Who told you she has a ridiculous temper? If it was your wife--well duh. No cheating man ever tells his affair partner his wife is a sweet demure lady who never does anything wrong.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

True and I took it with a grain of salt, but if even half of the stories he told were true then I can still see where she has the potential to go nuclear. 

Still no response to vm.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

@NZ - Thanks for the pick-me-up! Yeah, not looking forward to any of this, but it has to be done. If I don't hear from her today I'll try calling again tomorrow.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

StrugglingMan said:


> it-guy: I don't really know her, but what little I've heard is she has a ridiculous temper.


Would I be wrong in guessing that what you've heard is third-hand, from your wife, as told to her by the OM? If so, keep that in mind. My wife's OM would tell anyone who'd listen about how "crazy" his wife was and tell stories to back that up. When I found out about the A, and exposed it to her, I was fully expecting a tremendous backlash from her. Instead, she very politely and civilly thanked me, asked me for any other details I might have, and later updated me that she'd kicked him out and was filing for divorce. Since I didn't have many low-level details, my wife provided them to OMW, and, again, she didn't go off on my wife...thanked her for the details and just asked my W why she did it (to which my W admitted she didn't had a good answer).

It's a fairly standard tactic for the affair partner to paint their spouse in as negative a light as possible for many reasons, ranging from helping their partner rationalize the affair to making it seem like exposure would make for a loud, messy scene for everyone remotely affected.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

Do only what you feel comfortable doing. If you want to play it "safe" reveal only what you feel comfortable revealing. 

You don't have to give her full disclosure. You can let her know her H has been contacting your wife in an inappropriate way and thought she should be aware of it. If she blows it off or starts demanding more information, tell her to talk to her H or do some snooping, but that's all you feel comfortable discussing.

It's very possible she won't ever call you back. Some people don't want to know and she might prefer to believe it's some crazy trying to get her in a scam.

Personally, I probably wouldn't have called you back. I probably would've waited to talk to my H, then go from there. You could stop right here and know that at least you got the ball rolling. Her H can tell her some bull, but now the seed of doubt has been planted. It will unravel at some point.

I can relate to your fear and I'm not sure I'd be brave enough to stir the betrayed spouse pot. I'm not going to call and tell the OWH every new detail I learn. If his wife is still lying to him, I'm not going to start playing "he said/she said". I'm not their MC or moral compass. The OWH revealed that his wife and my H had an affair and that's all I needed to know. From that point on it was my responsibility to do the research and get the truth from my own spouse. I don't feel the OWH owed me anything. If he just had said my H acted inappropriately with his wife, that would've been enough. I would've snooped then discovered my DS's sent email to her he forgot to delete.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

It is very possible that she will call her husband on his cell phone to see what is up.

Do you know for sure if he tried contact again today?


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

He can always call the number to listen to voicemails and delete them. He'd probably be doing it because you warned him and he's expecting it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Didn't I tell you this DOUCHE-BAG was gonna be "fishing." 

"Since the OM is not home .... I don't see a problem with a short message."- Yeah... me neither. It definetly has to be done though.
He needs to be put in his place. Besides, his BS has a right to know of his behavior. Whatever your MC says- this ain't your fault, he did it to himself: He shouldn't have been ****ing around in the first place. You gave him a chance to come clean and "do the right thing," but he doesn't get it- time to SQUEEZE.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Update: Got a call during lunch. OMW didn't even allow me to talk. Simply said, "I know why you're calling. Please don't say anything more and please don't call me again. I am handling it."

So, I guess that's that.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

StrugglingMan said:


> Update: Got a call during lunch. OMW didn't even allow me to talk. Simply said, "I know why you're calling. Please don't say anything more and please don't call me again. I am handling it."
> 
> So, I guess that's that.


Is it bad that im wondering if it was really her? Was it the number you called her at?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> Update: Got a call during lunch. OMW didn't even allow me to talk. Simply said, "I know why you're calling. Please don't say anything more and please don't call me again. I am handling it."
> 
> So, I guess that's that.


Well... dont' call her again. Apparently she knows. 

Has your wife said anything else? Has he called her again?


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

No. No further calls today and his plane took off half an hour ago for the next leg of his trip so now he is gone. Hopefully now we can really start to work on putting it behind us.

Best thing that came of it is the call to the wife yesterday actually made her angry. She got angrier and angrier w/him as the day went on as she realized that his ignoring her request showed how selfish he was and how he was only interested in pursuing his vision of her instead of who she really is. Hoping this will make it a lot easier for her to put him out of her mind once and for all.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> Best thing that came of it is the call to the wife yesterday actually made her angry. She got angrier and angrier w/him as the day went on as she realized that his ignoring her request showed how selfish he was and how he was only interested in pursuing his vision of her instead of who she really is. Hoping this will make it a lot easier for her to put him out of her mind once and for all.


Who got angry? the OMW or your wife???


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

At least your wife seems to be complying to you requests about coming clean when contacted by DOUCHER. You've done all you can, so now you can focus on your R. I hope this guy gets his, but it seems like his BW might do some rugsweeping, given the way she spoke on the phone. She didn't want any details from you so she can plead ignorance on her part to the exact specifics of how it came to be.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

StrugglingMan said:


> No. No further calls today and his plane took off half an hour ago for the next leg of his trip so now he is gone. Hopefully now we can really start to work on putting it behind us.
> 
> Best thing that came of it is the call to the wife yesterday actually made her angry. She got angrier and angrier w/him as the day went on as she realized that his ignoring her request showed how selfish he was and how he was only interested in pursuing his vision of her instead of who she really is. Hoping this will make it a lot easier for her to put him out of her mind once and for all.


Now the recovery begins in earnest, but that said a little celebration is in order sir. Give yourself a big pat on the back for being a real man about it all. What you are going through would have broken me apart. 

Maybe you can find some time where your wife and you can put this away for a moment and try to rediscover why you guys fell in love to begin with. Not saying to not deal with things. Just reward yourselves for very good behavior this week.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ahhhmaaaan! said:


> At least your wife seems to be complying to you requests about coming clean when contacted by *DOUCHER*.


I love this term! :rofl:


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Thanks for all the support. To answer jb's question, my wife was the one who got angrier. Probably the most promising thing she said to me in the whole day was "He's not the man I thought he was." 

She's seeing that he's selfish and obsessive and still living in a serious fog if he thinks that coming out here was going to win her back. 

Yes, I think we can really start moving forward now. She is almost cmpletely out of the fog and is coming back to me. I am more hopeful than I have been.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I honestly see your wife's anger and disappointment about who is really is as a GOOD THING. 

That means the anger is lifting. And the anger means she knows he's a DOUCHER as Ahhhhmaaamaaan! said.


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

Yes. I am feeling very good about where we are going. Communication is staying wide open and she is being as transparent as possible.

Had a minor trigger this morning and am feeling sad, but otherwise all good.


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Hey SM, I don't want to retread on anythin as it seems you're on the road to R, but what to you think this means- "He's not the man I thought he was." What kind of man DID she think he really was. I mean this in general terms. What kind of person do our WS's think they are dealing with in the first place? They're not good people to begin with as they are pursuing a commited person.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ahhhmaaaan! said:


> Hey SM, I don't want to retread on anythin as it seems you're on the road to R, but what to you think this means- "He's not the man I thought he was." What kind of man DID she think he really was. I mean this in general terms. What kind of person do our WS's think they are dealing with in the first place? They're not good people to begin with as they are pursuing a commited person.


The thing is the wayward can't see this thru the fog. That's why exposre is so important.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StrugglingMan (May 20, 2011)

I think she thought he was honorable and decent, which his actions certainly argue against. But in the fog I'm sure he was her knight in shining armor. I am happy she is seeing him for the controlling, obsessive, selfish jerk that he is. 

He knew that it could potentially affect her marriage for him to show up and yet he did. That shows that he doesn't care about my marriage or his own. Ugh. 

I'm still down from my trigger this morning, but trying hard to shake it off. Think I may need to go for a run or work the heavy bag to channel out some of the anger.


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