# I need help, marriage falling apart



## Calvinj198 (Sep 20, 2010)

Hi all,

I don't know what to do. I'll explain the best I can, but I need some serious advice on what to do. 

My wife and I have been having a lot of problems for a while now. We fight a lot and argue, and when we do fight it's very dirty, name calling, saying hateful things, and being very cruel to each other. I don't know if it matters, but she comes from a household where her parents have been back and forth their whole lives, and her biological dad left her mom when she was pregnant, I come from a household where my mom and dad divorced when I was around 2 and my dad never remarried. So neither of us have the strongest background to build from.

Here is where our relationship is now. She recently went to Haiti for two weeks for her job, military, and when she left we were arguing. We talked while she was there, and about 4 days before she was supposed to come back we got into another argument about something stupid, I yelled at her, and she hung up on me and hardly talked to me the rest of the time she was there.

When she came back I was so mad about it all, and I was treating her crappy, because I felt slighted and felt like crap myself. Well the obvious happened and we got into an argument. She said that she is done with me, that she no longer wants to be with me, and the thought of being around me disgusts her. She said she wants to go straight into a divorce. 

This hurt me so deeply, because as bad as things were a lot of the time, I married her and I'm in it for the long haul, and I love her so much. Well when I try to bring all this up to her she finally opens up and starts to talk to me about all of it. How she's feeling about not wanting to talk to me, that she's not in love with me anymore, and she can't stand being around me. We argued before and she said she wanted a divorce and screamed, but she always got over it the next day and we moved on.

This time is different however, she is adamant that she doesn't feel anything for me in her heart at all anymore, except for a I don't want to see you hurt and you're the father of my child kind of love. Hearing her say all this just struck me hard from out of nowhere. She's always said she wants to build to our family and be happy together.

I couldn't shake the idea that there had to be someone else, because otherwise she wouldn't have jumped straight into wanting a divorce and not wanting to try. I asked her about it about 5 times and she finally admitted to me that there was someone else. 

She said that after our fight while she was in Haiti she started just talking to this other guy. She says they didn't do anything and I believe her, but she says that he could tell she was upset and was there for her and listened to her and after she got done explaining all her issues to him, that he said he felt sorry for her that she was in this situation, (unhappy marriage) and wished that she could be happy again. 

I don't know what to do. She said that she feels something for this guy. I've asked her to please cut all contact with him and give our marriage one last try, to go to counseling and try to make it work. We've talked a lot the past two days since she's been back and it's come up that she doesn't feel like I've been there for her emotionally since she got pregnant and she's come to resent me for it, and she can't stand to even be near me. 

I know this other guy is what is holding her back from being able to open her heart to another chance with me. I don't know what to do. I need advice, I love her so much, and I love our family, I really know I can change and be there for her emotionally like I haven't been for so long. 

Our marriage anniversary is on Nov. 20th, that will only be one year. I want to see that anniversary and so many more after that. Please tell me what I need to do. She wants me to move out for a while so she can sort things out in her head, and figure out if she still feels anything at all for me. I feel like if I move out though that is only going to give her all of her free time to talk to this other guy and will only hurt us more. 

PLEASE HELP, sorry about the disorganization typing while emotional.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Hello! I am sorry you are going through all this. It must really hurt. You have come to the right place and there are plenty of people hear that can give you good advice.but you have to be willing to change and go through the process,
First, the fighting has to stop. You need to get the book Love Busters. It discusses what happens when you fight and how to talk to your spouse with out the yelling. She needs to read this too. Also read his needs, her needs. She feels like you are not emotionally there so this book helps both of you learn what each others needs are and how you need to address them. Also go to marraigebuilders.com. it will give you great advice.
Try to get your wife involved. You read a book and have her read the other and discuss what you have read.take the love busters questionaire and the emotional needs questionairre on marraige builders. Thiiks will get you talking.
Hope this helps,good luck!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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