# Why Can't He Help?



## Tigriz (Jul 26, 2007)

We have an 18 month old son. We're also expecting our second child in January (totally unplanned, we had planned for there to be three years at least between them). I know I'm hormonal being pregnant, but I'm completely wiped out, and it seems like I can't get any help from my husband at all. He's currently contracted to work 3 hours away during the week, so his office is paying for him to stay in an apartment there, and he's home on the weekends. The weeks absolutely wear me out, and when my husband comes home he just wants to lay on the couch or work on his car (which he can't do with our 18 month old who wants to get into everything), and I STILL don't get a break. I understand he works a full time job, but I work a full time job too, and am dealing with miserable morning sickness and a part time freelance career. What can I do to get some help around here?


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Hi T! 
Boy, are yoiur hands full! That's rough! *hug* This may be an obvious question, but have you told your husband the things that you posted (full time mom, part time writer, full time PREGNANT, horrendous morning sickness, JUST PLAIN WIPED OUT)? Whew! Makes me tired just typing it, let alone living it! What's his reaction to it all (besides sitting on his butt)?
Hard to give suggestions without an idea of what he thinks of your exhaustion...
***BIG HUG***


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## ImaginativeResource (Aug 4, 2007)

Hey there,

My Best friend is in exactly the same situation... The thing that actually helps her is she has her mom take the baby a few days a week so she can have time for JUST herself.... 

If you don't have a family member to do this, I would recommend "if your budget allows" looking into a really great daycare or hire a part time nanny... You need to have some time away too... This is not a selfish thing and shouldn't be looked at that way... 

This will allow you to be a better mother, wife and person in general!!! You'll also be regenerated to handle that little one who I'm sure is non-stop pure energy and will feel like you have away time too like your husband... 

Things will get better, for the toddler stage is the most difficult part physically... Chin up and stay clear of the path! You're a Great mom I'm sure!!!


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

Tigriz said:


> We have an 18 month old son. We're also expecting our second child in January (totally unplanned, we had planned for there to be three years at least between them). I know I'm hormonal being pregnant, but I'm completely wiped out, and it seems like I can't get any help from my husband at all. He's currently contracted to work 3 hours away during the week, so his office is paying for him to stay in an apartment there, and he's home on the weekends. The weeks absolutely wear me out, and when my husband comes home he just wants to lay on the couch or work on his car (which he can't do with our 18 month old who wants to get into everything), and I STILL don't get a break. I understand he works a full time job, but I work a full time job too, and am dealing with miserable morning sickness and a part time freelance career. What can I do to get some help around here?


How did it happen that you consented to his working and living arrangement? It seems that there needs to be a change, with him staying at home at the end of each workday to take up his half of the household and family responsibilities. Have you started insisting on a change?


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I would agree that something needs to change with his job. I hope that this is not the way it will always be with his job. I also agree with having a relative take the baby for a day here and there to give you a break. One thing you might want to do just to let your husband realize what it is like is just get in the car one Saturday morning and go. Just leave for a day and let him do everything for a change.


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## lostforwords (Aug 10, 2007)

Ok, first off this cannot be good for your unborn child! I agree with everyone else you need to talk to your husband and try to get someone to take care of you 18 month old so you can have some time alone! if you don't start taking some time out for yourself it's going to be dangerous for your un born child. You need help from your husband its his job to help with the kid, not just earn money and lay around! He needs to get off his butt and help you!


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## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I have a quick question have you told him how you feel yet? Just curious because if you haven't that is the first thing you have to do.


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

tater03 said:


> One thing you might want to do just to let your husband realize what it is like is just get in the car one Saturday morning and go. Just leave for a day and let him do everything for a change.


That is a wonderful idea. He shouldn't be left in the dark about how difficult things are. The situation couldn't be conveniently pushed aside if he had to spend a day in your shoes.


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## mamab (Jun 29, 2007)

You know, they have ways to allow men to experience pregnancy. Perhaps you should check with the local hospital to see if they do. He helped make the babies, he needs to do more than just work outside of the home while you're pregnant.


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## deidre (Aug 17, 2007)

You poor super mom.......It's hard I'm sure and just as those above me stated you truly need some you time...I would try and get that hubby of your's to take the baby off for a few hours so you can have a nice quiet nap,or soothing bath or just some peace and quiet...I would even suggest you packing your bags one weekend and checking into a local hotel...One that offers massages and treat yourself...your body is going through alot and stress isn't good for you or the unborn little one...If it's in the budget I would try and make it work...if not for a weekend at least for a night....

Good luck!


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## katharina (Jun 29, 2007)

deidre said:


> I would even suggest you packing your bags one weekend and checking into a local hotel...One that offers massages and treat yourself...your body is going through alot and stress isn't good for you or the unborn little one...If it's in the budget I would try and make it work...if not for a weekend at least for a night....


I like this idea and it sounds as if it could be really calming. I'd probably see if my sister or a friend would want to go with me, though... it's much more fun having a night out like that with a friend.


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## deidre (Aug 17, 2007)

katharina said:


> I like this idea and it sounds as if it could be really calming. I'd probably see if my sister or a friend would want to go with me, though... it's much more fun having a night out like that with a friend.


Sounds like you have it...I wish you luck and peace.....:smthumbup:


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## MrsLV (Jul 3, 2007)

"I understand he works a full time job, but I work a full time job too, and am dealing with miserable morning sickness and a part time freelance career. What can I do to get some help around here?" That's your outlet right there! When he's home for the weekends, go do your "freelance" work OUTSIDE of the home-even if you're not working. Find another place to be sometimes on those weekend whether it be window shopping at the mall, reading at the library, going to a spa, visiting friends, or taking in a movie alone. You may also be missing that quality time with your husband, so during that time perhaps get a sitter and "date" your husband. Whatever it takes, find your happiness during the time you're not alone. Having a husband that is away out of time may feel like being a single parent, and you are probably depressed and lonely, which can lead to being overwhelmed. Good luck.


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## hotpepper1979 (Sep 12, 2007)

Darn straight. he needs to loose the poor attitude and work as part of the team that he helped create. Try getting addidtional support from family, coworkers or freinds in the form of an afternoon without the child to take a warm bath or nap under a tree. If the people around you really truly care they will keep the little one for a while, so you can rejuvinate yourself. DONT BE AFFAID TO ASK. Those that really care will love helping you.


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