# Should I leave?



## kristinnicole_13 (Apr 16, 2009)

Ok- let me first start by saying that I am completely new to this site and I am only coming here to get advice. If you don't like what I have written, please keep your opinions to yourself. Now, with that out of the way I have quite a story to tell. I am 21 y/o living with my boyfriend (we'll call him J) of approx 3 years. Right now I am trying to decide what I want and what I need to do with this relationship. Let me tell you our story.


We both met in my hometown (in Kansas) while we were 18 y/o. He was working in the town I was living in and we started dating. After about 9 months of dating and living together I was getting really confused about our relationship and I decided that I wanted a break. We broke up and I started to see/date one of my long time friends (we'll call him B). He and I have known eachother since we were kids- never dated, it was always just a friend based relationship but he always wanted more. Things between us weren't too bad,we had a really awesome friendship and an even more amazing sex life but I found myself missing J and the way he made me feel special, I know that was probably normal but he was able to get through to that side of me and then I decided to give him a second chance. So we pretty much ran off to Florida where is dad was living at the time. 

While in Florida things between us were pretty good, but our sex life wasn't nearly what I had experienced with B. But, we loved eachother, we were all eachother had. Well, after living in Florida for about 3 months things didn't work out with our living arrangements so we decided to move to Texas (where we are still today).( J is originally from TX so all of his family and old friends are here). I hope I haven't lost you yet! Now it seems as soon as we got back to Texas, things have completely changed for the worse. We have been in Texas a good solid two years but it seems like as soon as we got here things have been going downhill.

Let me first say that I haven't been 100% honest. I started talking to B again, wondering what it would be like if he and I had never split- but I never went past actually talking. He and I have not hooked up, I have not hooked up with anyone. J found out I was talking to B and of course he was not happy about it but we resolved things and moved on. In November of 2007 we were back home visiting some of my family and I had just happened to come across Js email. (He forgot to sign out) In his email I noticed he had been talking to another woman about meeting up and giving eachother sexual favors. I was stunned! Here we are, in Kansas, AT MY MOM'S HOUSE- and I see that he has been seeking another woman sexually. As it turns out, he had posted a NSA (no strings attached) ad for sex on a website called craigslist. I confronted him, he cried like a baby and I forgave him and we continued our life in Texas. 

Of course as soon as we got back I started feeling regret and resentment towards him. Why did he do this? Was it my fault? So, I started talking to B again. B has always been there, he has never hurt me so I wanted to talk to someone I knew cared- even though I realize talking to an ex wasn't the best of choices. Anyways, about two months after the first "offense" I had installed a keylogger onto our computer at home, and guess what? He had been doing it again! He cried, lied, I forgave. As I tell you this story I feel like an idiot, but please just bear with me. After a few more months of pointing fingers, threatening to leave and total confusion, I had decided I had reached my breaking point. I was going to leave when our apartment lease was over. I had plans to get an apartment with a girl friend of mine here in Texas- she was going through similiar confusion with her boyfriend, it was perfect BUT she backed out. I was stuck, so what did I do? I stayed. J had convinced me to just stick around and "go with the flow" He promised if anything else happend I could leave at any time with no fuss.

Well, our relationship wasn't that bad to be honest. We didn't fight much but our sex life was definately struggling. I never wanted to do it. I wasn't interested in it, period. I didn't even get the urges to be with another man- except for B. When I talked to B I would feel these feelings that I never felt with J. To be honest I cannot remember exactly what caused it, but I was getting those feelings of wanting to leave again. I made arrangements, I left. I was on my way home- and I turned around. I could not do it. I could not leave. I love this man, but is he more than a friend? Why was it so hard for me to end it? We decided to wipe the slate clean. Start over FRESH. Even though I told myself things were going to be better I still had those lingering feelings of regret and suspicion. One Friday after noon about two weeks after we "started over" I had a hunch, so I started looking. AND GUESS WHAT I FOUND! HE HAD DONE IT AGAIN! He posted another ad on craigslist! He was looking for NSA, Maybe More!! Let me guess, you are not surprised. I know. I confronted him about it and yet again, he lied. He tried so damn hard to manipulate the situation and make everything seem like HE was the victim. Someone stole his identity and is using his information because HE DIDN'T DO IT. Bull****, of course I didn't believe him- and he later confessed to having posted 2 ads since we started over.

Why am I still with him, you ask? I have no idea. I can't honestly say why I am not able to leave but other than I care about him so much. Our relationship has never been perfect, but our friendship has always been one of the best. He claims he has never taken anything past the computer, do I believe him? Yes and no. It's hard to say because I have never found any evidence proving that he has. So what do I do? I have the perfect opportunity to go back home and start things over. Completely forget all of these horrible memories of our relationship - but lose all of the wonderful memories of our friendship. I can't help but feel part of his actions were my fault. Maybe if we had been more sexually involved with eachother he wouldn't have strayed? Maybe if I would have tried harder to please him sexually he wouldn't have felt the urges to be satisfied by another woman? We constantly fight about sex. He wants it, I don't. If I had sex with him when he came to me, would he have cheated? The last time we had sex I cried, to tell you the truth. I didn't feel any connection what so ever. Now I am stuck in this confused state. What the hell do I do? What should my next move be? My head is telling me to leave his lying cheating ass, but my heart is saying something different. I need advice from someone who will not formulate an opinion on my situation. I don't have any real friends to turn to, and my mom just tells me to come home because she is my mother. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, I know it was long and probably confusing.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

Listen to your head. He's a manipulator. If he hasn't followed through on these ads yet, it will happen. Listen to your mother...Go Home!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Leave him and move on. If he is posting on CL for sex sooner or later he’ll get it. Might even bring you an STD as a souvenir. He’s not worth it. Take time for yourself and don’t get immediately involved with B. You need time to discover what you really want in a relationship.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You're young enough to press the do over button and go home.

Chalk up this mistake as a learning experience and retrench, reflect on your future, work toward a positive life, and then when you are ready, begin seeking romance.

But with a fresh slate of potential dates, not the past.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

I agree with the other posters. You should leave him. Do something for yourself and your future....like college! If you must date B then do...but keep your options open....there are a lot of wonderful men out there. You are so close still to the beginning of adulthood, there is no rush...enjoy yourself...have fun...and prepare for your future! Many of here wish we would of done a few things different when we were younger....you still have that chance....TAKE IT!!!!


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## kristinnicole_13 (Apr 16, 2009)

Thank you to all of you who replied. I think it is just so difficult for me to leave because I have a difficult time hurting others and standing up for myself. I know what I need to do, I am going to give it a shot. Atleast if I am at home I will be surrounded by my family- B or no B, I need to do this for myself. Thanks again.


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## DarthQuagmire (May 12, 2009)

go be with b NOW, before u get some crazy disease!


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## osvaldo1321 (May 3, 2009)

You sound like a very unstable person. I believe you should go on your own with out any boyfreinds or lovers. Get yourself a gould education and carreer. become a highly productive person in sociaity and get involved with mature intelligent people. You will sleep in the bed you make for yourself. Good Luck


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## dorado23 (May 11, 2009)

I think u should def leave, what if u didnt see these ads and he did do something which I think he already has, and what if he gives u an std or something like that. Think of yourself and not him, dont worry about losing him as a friend because if he really loves u he wouldnt be looking for another person to do things with. Dont feel like u made him do it because u didnt, if he wasnt feeling loved then he should have communicated w u and he obviously has a fetish for NSA ads, leave now that ur young and start fresh for you. Dont think of being alone and not having someone because a lot of women live life for themselves without having to depend on someone, but that someone will come along sometime just dont rush and dont stay w J because ull regret it when its too late!


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