# Pretty sure I destroyed my marriage



## mojer (Mar 12, 2013)

I'm pretty sure I destroyed my marriage. I'm not sure where to start, or what I should even post.
For starters we were just way to young, (18 and 16 when we had our first). I think it was the pressure and the bills, and eventually the alcohol that led me to believe things might be better if we were separate. I can only see now how stupid I was and how late I am to figure this out.

I don't want to go in to details, the story involves my wife and some close friends and I, apparently I drink way to much and let my messed up mindset take over, I don't even remember the things I try to do but I certainly hear about it in the morning. 

I think I lost my wife, and probably most of my closest friends. I don't think the things I do and say can be taken back or forgiven. 

I'd do anything to turn back the clock (I'm sure we all would some times), I really don't want to mess things up but I guess I already did.

What do I do now?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Sorry OP, but if you want to get informed advice - or even any advice - you will have to tell us what happened. 

But my assumption is that you got drunk, you thought your wife was cheating on you at a get together with one of your friends (or several of them) and you made a huge scene.


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## mojer (Mar 12, 2013)

thanks for the reply, but its worse than that.
I got really drunk (like blackout drunk, trust me it happens), and I tried to get on her (our) best friend, in front of all our friends (and her). The friend has a family of her own now too, and doesn't need any of this, she is how I met my wife! 

I think I need to stop drinking, but that's forward looking. I'm not sure what I can do to repair the past?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

mojer said:


> thanks for the reply, but its worse than that.
> I got really drunk (like blackout drunk, trust me it happens), and I tried to get on her (our) best friend, in front of all our friends (and her). The friend has a family of her own now too, and doesn't need any of this, she is how I met my wife!
> 
> I think I need to stop drinking, but that's forward looking. I'm not sure what I can do to repair the past?


Would it be possible to call everyone together and apologize to everyone at once about your drunken behavior, and to then check yourself into a detox clinic? You're an alcoholic, and if you start taking tangible steps to remove this disease I think your wife and friends will be able to support you. If this behavior you exhibited is out of character for you, then I think you can salvage most of your friendships and marriage.

But you have to be serious about wanting the change. You cannot just say "I promise to reduce my drinking" or "I promise to never drink again". You need to do more than just words. If a clinic is too expensive, then consider joining AA. You need to take action to salvage this.


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## mojer (Mar 12, 2013)

Thanks so much for the advice. I don't know what's going to happen from here, but changes will be made.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

First stop drinking today.

The best way you can show your wife and friends you want to change is by CHANGING.

Don't just talk about it. Words are worthless is you don't back them up.

Go to AA. Your drinking has possibly destroyed your marriage. 

How much more destruction and hurt to those you love will it take to prove that you DO have a problem with alcohol.

Show them your commitment to never letting this happen again...go to AA. 

Today.


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