# Sex and relationships I don't understand. Bisexual pansexual and more



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Well as some may know my story. I met my ex wife at 15 and she left me last year at 35. I took a year to reflect and ease my pain. I still need a little more time but I decided to be a little more social. So I went online to plenty of fish and something called Cupid. I'm strictly looking for friends to be social and do fun stuff while I heal more.
Well I was talking to some girl online and she described herself as a pansexual. I had no idea what the heck that was.
She explained to me that she has a boyfriend (straight) but she is attracted to the people reguardless of gender. I'm respectful so I said ok and didn't push it any further.
She then asked if I wanted to be her friend with benefits (don't worry I'm not going to do this. I need to heal and this won't be a good situation for me I just want a quality girl that will love me and that's that. But I'm nowhere near dating yet).
So I was thinking pansexual is the exact same thing as being bi. You like the person and you are attracted to them reguardless of their sex.
Then I started thinking about her boyfriend (why would he even let someone else touch his girl???

This led me to think about a lot of stuff and wonder what's out there now no one is happy with a traditional loving relationship???
Im kinda dissapointed.
Here I am genuinely looking for honest true (no sex) friends just to hang out.
But seems to me that things are weird out here. Maybe it's just the online thing 

So here are some questions I have for all of you

Is pan the same as bi?
I know her boyfriend is ok with it but isn't it a form of cheating?
Is it just an online thing where stuff gets this weird?

This whole pan thing sounds great for cheating husbands. They just tell their wives "honey I love you but im pansexual meaning I love makes and females alike"
Wife says ok I love you and u understand. Then husband just has sex with girls 
Wife says " honey I thought you like both genders" husband " I do I just haven't found a man with a vigina that looks this good "
I mean that's what I'm thinking lol. I don't get it

If I had a gf she can call herself bi tri pan pot dish whatever she wants but if she has sex with anyone else other than me then that's when her name changes to cheater and ex girlfriend 

So you tell me. Cause I don't get it
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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Uhh sounds like a fancy name for bi sexual cheater to me as well..... so your not the only one confused by this.
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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

I think you might be looking on the wrong websites Fern, they sound like dating sites to me

And out there in cyber-land there is plenty of strange

When it comes down to it, lots of people looking for a bit on the side dressed up as special preferences

I'd try local meet up groups or sites related to interests you have. If you're fragile, and I think you still are, you don't really want your mind boggled just yet.


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

YellowRoses said:


> I think you might be looking on the wrong websites Fern, they sound like dating sites to me
> 
> And out there in cyber-land there is plenty of strange
> 
> ...


Fragile me...,, absolutely. And even if I wasn't this is not the situation to show progress lol
I'm not going to go from sleeping with one woman that I loved for 20 years to some triangle thing that I don't even get. 
I don't plan on dating for one year. But I do want to get out and find friends. Yes you are right. They are dating sites but many put looking for friends

Lol. I'm going to be the worst at dating. One woman since I was 15. Lol now 36 and have no clue. God help me lol
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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Oh relax ferndog. You will do great!
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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Oh relax ferndog. You will do great!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My friend told me not to set dates on myself. To just progress naturally and that I'll advance and things will just happen.

Well I know for a while I'm ok because I'm focused on myself (exercising, school, emotional, and financial)

I do think about things once in a while . How I was left wa so damaging and painful. After 20 years an email 
But I'm proud that after a year my anger is minimal and the love for myself has grown. I'm confident

I'm silly funny kid at heart loving but I am shy sometimes . I hold a great conversation and people wouldn't know that I don't have experience 
Hmmm well with so many females one will like me and then fall in love. I'll be ok. 
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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

If my gf told me that she was pan. I would throw eggs at her. If she would ask me why I did that. I would say "I wanted to see if you were a non stick pan or not "
Yup I'm silly I tell ya!!!
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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yep... you will do fine. 
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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Fern: Be aware that on dating sites they all say "friends first". But they DON'T MEAN IT! If you are lucky they aren't looking to get MARRIED in the near future. My situation is like yours, except replace the 20 year marriage with 5 years dating and 30 year marriage. Unlike you I was coming out of a four year period of non loving. So I was looking for some affection. I tried the friend with exclusive benefits, and while the sex was awesome (gaining me some needed confidence) not my cup of tea. I now have a gf who I love and loves me. Lots of baggage to work thru but we are aggressive when it comes to communication. And if I can find it so can you. Just continue with you, be social with groups, and you will find her. I agree, don't go by a calendar, don't tell anyone "I'm waiting another year". Let your actions speak for themselves, go into any meeting with looking for a friend, the rest will come. Oh, about the sex thing. What I have found is that just by being into them, wanting to please them first and foremost, already makes you the best lover they ever had, anything else is just gravy....good luck.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

ferndog said:


> Fragile me...,, absolutely. And even if I wasn't this is not the situation to show progress lol
> I'm not going to go from sleeping with one woman that I loved for 20 years to some triangle thing that I don't even get.
> I don't plan on dating for one year. But I do want to get out and find friends. Yes you are right. They are dating sites but many put looking for friends
> 
> ...


It wasn't long ago that I was in the dating scene. And I've browsed those sites... some strang things out there, don't become one of them . I'd look for something local. They have some kind of singles group here that does all sorts of events year round... its something I would consider, that and I'd go to church more, join a gym, go for walks more down on the river, etc.. just thinking what I might do. 

But yeah, I agree with Gaia, you'll do fine out there


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Uhh sounds like a fancy name for bi sexual cheater to me as well..... so your not the only one confused by this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:








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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I think i'm going to a join a local rambling group when i start dating. 

As for dating sites the one i'm on at present i use just for fun, you do get the strange and weird and i am part of that, one guy has just asked to see my dimples of venus, i did ponder the thought of sending him a pic, then i thought, no, i have improved boundaries  

I do like being naked though, so i have a slight issue, but it is such fun.

As for the OP it is just weird and don't worry about it.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Actually, a pansexual refers to someone who likes men, women, trans gendered and is usually into just about any sexual act you can thonk of (bdsm, anal, etc)


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Well then she is mistaken on what she is.
She likes sex with males (one on one) or threesomes (female and male). Her boyfriend is straight according to her. He watches her but doesn't participate (I just think they are swingers and she doesn't know what she wants).
I get it . It's exciting thinking of other people sexually.
Some are emotionally stable (or detached as I see it)
I don't judge but I couldn't do it. I think it's nature to be attracted to others an that's why many cheat
But I like being loved. Just me no one else and I return that.

So I kinda get it now thanx
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## MikelHochst (Aug 28, 2012)

I think you might be looking on the wrong websites Fern, they sound like dating sites to me


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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

I clicked on this thread just to find out what "pansexual" is.. So, correct me if i'm wrong, but pansexual seems to be a person that f**ks everything that moves and if something doesn't move, s/he moves it and f**ks it anyway? 

Or it could be a person with a strong desire to have sex in close vicinity of kitchen utensils...


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## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

MikelHochst said:


> I think you might be looking on the wrong websites Fern, they sound like dating sites to me


Yes I think you are right. It gives options for friends but I guess most mean friends that lead to things. Well good news Is I met a nice lady and we may become training buddies. She is training for a triathlon an I am training for the LA Marathon.
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