# I dnon't know what to do, please help



## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

I’m new on here and would like some advice please. 

I have been married to my husband for 16 years and together for 21. We have 2 children aged 17 & 19. He was already married when I met him.

He had a brief affair with a friend of mine 10 years ago which ended when it was discovered. We moved forward together and things eventually got good again. As far as I was concerned we were very much in love, although I do admit our sex life was lacking and it was very much my fault. We had argued about it but never really addressed it.

Recently, after a few months of me doubting my husbands fidelity, I discovered he was having an affair with someone he worked with. He said he had felt unloved by me and thought I no longer wanted him. He apologised, said it was over and that he wanted me. We both cried and decided to try and carry on together. 
Just 4 weeks later I found out the affair had not ended. I discovered who she was and confronted her - she is single with grown up children. He said how sorry he was for all the hurt and that it was now defiantly over. 
I found trusting him difficult but when we were together things were great, we had a very good 5 weeks and we were better and more loving than we had been in years. We made plans to buy a business together so he could leave his place of work and we could rebuild our marriage and start again.
Then I discovered he had restarted the affair and my world fell apart. I now have no idea what I should do. Again, he says he is sorry and has been a fool but now realises he wants our marriage and the business. I have seen him tell her it is over and he has not been to work since, so as far as I know he has had no more contact with her.
He has even told our children what he has done, and begged us all for forgiveness.

I still love him despite of all this, but doubt just how much he loves me as he was able to cheat and lie and hurt me so deeply. I am now in turmoil trying to decide where to go from here. I cannot imagine life without him, but feel if I give him another chance I am just being a fool.


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

How many times did he apologize and tell you it was over? You should believe him now...why? It appears your H does not value or appreciate the family he has created and instead is only concerned with his own selfish needs and willingness to lie and betray you. I guess the big question here is how many times does he have to promise to stop and not deliver before you say ENOUGH? 

I do understand that the emotion of love does not come with an on/off switch, but how many times can he betray you before you hit the off switch? Making a big life change by buying a business together is not a sound decision. Sounds like you are trying to "trap" him and make him commit. Please re-evaluate this. I only foresee more assets to divide. Good luck!


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

You said he was already married when you met him. Did he leave his first wife for you?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If I understand correctly... He was married when you met him; did he cheat on his previous wife with you? He had an affair at 10 years. And now he's cheated three times on you in the past few months.

My thoughts, based on the above... It's not going to stop. Either accept the fact that he'll cheat on you, or get out of the marriage.

What have you done to try to heal from any of these infidelities? Counseling, therapy, anything? Or did you just sweep things under the rug with a promise he wouldn't do them again? 

C


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some cheaters just never quit. Sounds like he's one of those. Only you can decide if that's something you can live with the rest of your life.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

Unfortunately, there a number of things that a CS does, that don't bode well for a successful R. Your husband had demonstrated two of the most important ones.

Serial cheating.

Lack of remorse.

The lack of remorse is indicated by his actions. Cheating on you (at least) a second time, and continuing the A when he told you otherwise. A contributing factor to this, may have been the lack of consequences dealt to him. For this behavior to repeat, he obviously didn't fear losing you and probably still doesn't. 

His actions, not his words should be what you focus on.

To me, those actions indicate that chances for a successful R would be slim or non-existent. I'm sorry.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Thank you for your replies, however hard they were to read. 

At the moment my head still says I should walk away.
My heart says otherwise.

I understand everything you are all saying, and the worst bit is that I agree. But...........

I suggested councelling and he said he would if that's what I want. 

I know he is a person who says what he thinks people want to hear, he has always been like this. 
I think he has been unwilling (or unable) to make his own decisions and wanted someone else to do it for him. If he still had any sort of contact with her, I have no doubt that he wouldn't say no to her. But he doesn't.
The fact that he has willingly told our children about it gives me hope.
He has accounted for his every move recently, and I have access to his phone records with his approval. 

I feel almost embarrased that I am considering staying with him, yet here I am. 

I was told not to make a huge decision whilst still upset and angry, so I am waiting to see if my mind becomes any clearer in the coming days.

Thank you all for your comments.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

PBear said:


> If I understand correctly... He was married when you met him; did he cheat on his previous wife with you? He had an affair at 10 years. And now he's cheated three times on you in the past few months.
> 
> My thoughts, based on the above... It's not going to stop. Either accept the fact that he'll cheat on you, or get out of the marriage.
> 
> ...


^^THIS. Pretty much everything Pbear said.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Don't start a business with him.

Tell him that you don't trust him and will not take that huge fiscal hit while your marriage is on life support.

He needs to find a different job (too bad if this is inconvienient) and you can revisit the idea of a business in a year.

This a) protects you from being tied in business to this fellow if he does it again, b) shows you if he's interested in YOU or in the business, and c) stops adding additional stress to the family by such a huge transition.

I would start to emotionally withdraw from him somewhat. You can't nice your way into his heart. You were already nice. You can't screw your way into his heart. You were already having sex with him (one assumes).

So...he needs to find he values the family himself.

What he wants is for things to stay the same. They shouldn't. I would consult with a D attorney and tell him. You don't need to file. You don't need to DO anything. But find out what you need to do to protect yourself IF this happens again.

The fact that you consulted should scare the bejeezus out of him. Sometimes a guy needs a 'Come to Jesus' meeting to get his head firmly extracted from his rectum.

While I am a fan of R, your chances are not looking good. Consult that attorney and do what he says.


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## JustGrinding (Oct 26, 2012)

MOOSEY said:


> I have been married to my husband for 16 years and together for 21. We have 2 children aged 17 & 19. *He was already married when I met him.*


You married your adultery partner and now he's fooling around on you?

Wow! I'm shocked! That hardly ever happens . . .


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Well here I still am.
But I have made the decision that I do not want to be with someone who treats me this way.
He doesn't belive I mean it and is carrying on as if everything is going to be ok.
I have asked him to leave and he won't go. I know I need to be strong for my children who do not want me to go through any more pain. I need to think about them and show them Im strong.
I have consulted a solicitor and have a further appointment with them in a couple of days.
But he is at home, (sick leave from work) cooking and cleaning acting like he can win me round.
How do I stay strong (because I am not a strong person at all, I get emotional over everything, always have).
Please help me, how do I make him see I mean it. I know he doesn't believe it because I have never done anything about it before. 
But I know I have to.......


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Moosey,
I am so sorry for your pain, but you will come out of this a stronger person.
If he refuses to leave the house, make plans with the kids or friends without him. Just ignore him and go about your day.
Engage the 180 plan, do things YOU want to do, and do them without him. Focus on you. This is a hard and painful part of your life, but it does not need to define you. 
Does he know you've seen a solicitor?


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

No, he doesn't know yet.
I only did it today while I was at work.
He will be at home when I finish, with a meal on the table expecting me to back down.....like I usually do


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

MOOSEY said:


> Thank you for your replies, however hard they were to read.
> 
> At the moment my head still says I should walk away.
> My heart says otherwise.
> ...


Moosey, reading your post makes me want to cry but it also makes me feel less of a mess myself. I am going through the same kind of crap. WH lying saying he is done and finding out again and again he is talking/texting/seeing the same woman.

I cant tell you what to do, you have to do what your heart and head tell you to do and its not always the same thing. I will tell you for me this time has been a little different in that Im not accepting less then I deserve. My WH has asked for another chance and is doing everything he can to fix this and Im watching and observing. I can assure you that the moment he stops trying Im done with this relationship. The difference between this time and all the others...Ive been hurt enough and Im tired of it. A person that loves you doesnt hurt you!

I will pray for strength for you because its a difficult place to be in!


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Thank you.
It's strange to think that a week ago I wanted nothing more than to forget about things and carry on as if it never happened.
Speaking with my kids about it has helped me so much. Helped me to realise that they nor I should have to put up with this. He has tried to use them as cover, telling them not to tell me he has not been with them because he was 'working and saving money for a surprise holiday for me'.
I think they feel as let down by him as I do. How could he think its acceptable to manipulate our children like that and use them in his lies. I feel so sad they were put in that position by him.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Update:
Last night he left at my request but just took off in the car. He called constantly telling me he could not and would not live without me. If i was sure it was over he said we would never see him again.
I knew he was trying emotional blackmail and stopped answering his calls.
He came back later last night and stayed in our sons room who was out for the night.
This morning he left early saying he was going to look for a job in another town as he could not bear to live near me.
I have not heard from him since.
I would like to know where he is and what he is doing but am NOT going to call or text to find out - but it is hard.
I am worried about the financial side of things and what will happen in the short term.
I see the solicitor tomorrow to get an idea of where I stand.

I am still crying constantly and cant bear to think of the future. How long will this last?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

MOOSEY said:


> Update:
> Last night he left at my request but just took off in the car. He called constantly telling me he could not and would not live without me. If i was sure it was over he said we would never see him again.
> I knew he was trying emotional blackmail and stopped answering his calls.
> He came back later last night and stayed in our sons room who was out for the night.
> ...


Sounds like he's now trying to do a reverse 180 on you when plan A didn't work. You should be doing one on him. Ignore his.

Rely on your anger for focus and stay strong. This time, give him the consequences he deserves. Detach from him and start moving toward D.

I'm not advocating that you consider R in the future - as he is a proven serial cheater; but if you were even going to remotely consider it, make sure it's only after he receives and weathers his just deserts.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

He has now returned home but will not leave me alone, begging, pleading, crying for me to give him another chance.
He is constantly telling me how much he loves me, saying how sorry he is, how stupid he was but he wants the life we have together to carry on.
Neither his parents or his sister have any spare rooms he could stay in so I don't really know what to do from here. Its so difficult having him clinging to my knees crying all the time. My daughter is finding it hard to watch too. I have told her she could stay with my parents for a while if she feels she needs to.
I want to stay strong, I know he wants to wear me down and I'm scared that the longer this situation goes on, the more likely that is to happen.
I am heading out now to the solicitors to see about things, but I cannot see him accepting it anytime soon.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

sorry to say MOOSEY, but you have doormat written all over you.

how many times must he betray you before you see him for what her really is- a no-good POS cheater.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Leave apartment advertisements where he can find them.

Leave the phone book open to 'divorce attorneys' or whatever you call them over there

Do not engage him. I would get an iPod with a lot of music.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

I do not want to give in, I know what I must do.
The solicitor is going to send him a letter saying it is everyones best interest that he leaves. Maybe this will make him understand - but I doubt it.
He is in complete denial that I am actually standing up for myself at last. I should have done it 10 years ago. I know that now.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

*Re: I don't know what to do, please help*

Im struggling today, and I can't even put my finger on exactly what my problem is.
He still refuses to accept things when I tell him its over.
He still begs, cries and pleads with me reminding me of the plans we made for our future.
I understand what he's doing, why he's doing it and he's making it so hard.
I'm telling myself that I'm allowed to have a down day and it's ok to feel like this. But I'm scared that I will cave in if these feelings continue. Why can't I snap out of it and feel like I did yesterday? 
Ive been trying to remember all the things he has done to make me feel strong again, it's working.....a little.
How do you get through it?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

You are allowed to feel exactly the way you feel, no apologies are ever needed.
I am so sorry he is engaging in this type of emotional manipulation, it is hard and it is exhausting.
Avoid him whenever possible. Go in a different room, run errands, meet with friends, anything to prevent him more time with you. When you do have to be with him, keep reminding yourself of how you want your life to be in the future. What do you want from a life-partner and does he come to the table with any of it. You deserve to be happy and to be truly loved by a gentle soul. This is the hardest time for you. Sending hugs.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Thank you. 
I have been trying to get out of the house as much as possible, and I plan to hopefully visit my sister this weekend.
I never thought I would say this but I think I wish he would leave & go to the OW. It would make it easier for me to keep focused on what I want to do. 
I find strength reading other peoples stories and how they finally managed to end it with thier serial cheaters.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: I dnon't know what to do, please help*



MOOSEY said:


> Thank you.
> I have been trying to get out of the house as much as possible, and I plan to hopefully visit my sister this weekend.
> I never thought I would say this but I think I wish he would leave & go to the OW. It would make it easier for me to keep focused on what I want to do.
> I find strength reading other peoples stories and how they finally managed to end it with thier serial cheaters.


Many years ago I was married to a serial cheater. Even when I found out about her affairs I was the one to cry, beg and plead to save the marriage. She was not remorseful and insisted on the divorce. In retrospect it was the nicest thing she ever did for me.

Just remember one thing Moosey. If he really wants to change and win you back he can still do that even after the divorce. The divorce is to protect you because he had proven that he can lie and hurt you tremendously. My friend always says that after infidelity you have to build a new marriage even if you stay together. In your case there is nothing to prevent a new marriage after the divorce is final and he has proven to you that he is worth your consideration again.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

I have been away for a few days staying with my sister. I intended to talk about things with her, but when it came to it, I couldn't speak, I just want to forget.
Strangely I missed him while I was away, or maybe I'm just missing what we had, what I thought we'd have in our future.
I have found myself re-thinking my decisions and now not knowing which way to turn. 
He is 51 now and I have never seen him like this, maybe he's too old for affairs in the future?? Am I kidding myself? Probably, I don't know.
I just feel unable to move on as I don't think I have come to a final conclusion in my head yet. 
How can I make such a huge life changing decision so quickly? I am the one who will be left alone, struggling financially with little prospects for a happy old age (that's how I feel).


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

*He is 51 now and I have never seen him like this, maybe he's too old for affairs in the future?? Am I kidding myself? Probably, I don't know.*

No, he's not too old. People much older than him still have affairs.

I know it's tough, but continue with the the divorce. It takes a while before a court date. You can always put it on hold in the 11th hour if you still have doubts, or if he's doing monumental things to win you back.

Either way. If you realize that D is the answer then you've already started, continue. If you think he deserves a 3rd chance, nothing says don't screw around on me again like getting served with D papers.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

When you feel very confused, remember that he doesn't care if he hurts you. That isn't love. You deserve far better. Keep telling yourself that.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

LanieB said:


> Did you speak to a lawyer yet? If not, you need to do this so you can determine how much child support and possible spousal support you could receive. It might make you feel better about things (financially).
> 
> I completely understand your ambivalence. It's so hard to deal with when someone pulls the rug out from under you.
> 
> Is your husband still living in the house with you?


Yes I have seen a solicitor, financially I won't get much as the children are not 'minors' any more. (17 & 19) I have not started D proceedings yet.

He is still in the house as he has nowhere to go and says he wants to stay to 'save us'.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You mentioned counseling have you taken some time for IC for yourself? If you called him on his desire to save your marriage would be go now? I'm not suggesting that you go one way or the other just asking. Divorce is a very tough process. But you can find happiness again. 


Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

workindad said:


> You mentioned counseling have you taken some time for IC for yourself? If you called him on his desire to save your marriage would be go now? I'm not suggesting that you go one way or the other just asking. Divorce is a very tough process. But you can find happiness again.
> 
> 
> Good luck
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I haven't had any counseling of any kind. He says he would go with me or alone, whichever I want.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You know him best. Is he bluffing? Would he participate? And most importantly would it matter to you? Even if you don't want MC. Some IC may be a good thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

What I am gonna tell you is all true---switch it on to yourself, or not--it is up to you

For 19 yrs I worked security at Disneyland-------In those 19 yrs---I probably hauled in 25 women who were being physically abused by their H's IN the park (Disneyland or DCA)

When we hauled the abusive H, into the office, along with the wife and kids, did the paperwork, and were in the process of calling Anaheim PD to take the H, to jail---to a woman, all 25 said NO do not have the police take my H, away------In interviews as to why---to a woman, all 25 said---if you put my H, in jail I and my children will starve---we have no way of bringing in any money to feed and take care of ourselves---abusive or not---we need our H's to be able to work and support us

In follow-up with Child services, and various area PD's---it was learned that 3 of those women died from their abuse----the H's are in jail for murder---and now the kids have no parent at all, and all of the other woman in that group of 25 were still being treated periodically for physical abuse----it never changed, it never stopped

---what I am trying to get at is---the women refused to change their situation---in these instances, it was they needed the support, in your case what is it---you need him to feed you, how many instances of emotional abuse are you gonna allow him to throw down on you

You are already wavering---you are just allowing him to manipulate you---he knows you will "cave", he is just having to work a little harder to get you back

Its your life, but either stand up, and be a proud woman, who is not gonna be run over by this POS you have for a H, or cave in, and go back to your life of misery---its all on you


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

It is all on me, I know that, my decision to make. I just dont know which decision I want to make.
Generally my life is not a misery, we have been very happy for years and years.

My H had his A with someone at work and so I have told him that while ever they are both working there I am unwilling to give him my heart back. 
He has taken a week off work and is trying to look for another job, but its hard. He has worked there all his working life (35 years) and knows no different. It is just a factory job but the money is not bad. With the climate like it is at the moment, it is proving difficult to find a comparable position elsewhere. 
He could get a job, and a paycut at the same time. I have told him that this is a decision I am unwilling to make for him, and he must sort it out as it is his mess. If he wants me, then he will do what ever is necessary.

He has arranged MC for next week, we'll see how that goes. I have told him that I still dont know if R is what I want, maybe the counsellor will help me decide??


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Were you angry and hurt the first time he cheated?
The second time, how did you feel? Less than a woman? Hurt? Betrayed?
What about the third time, did you feel unloved, inadequate and ugly?

Yeah I bet you did.

Remember your anger. Use that to stay strong, as someone else advised (excellent advice). If you start to cave, just run a mind movie of him naked with another woman. If that doesn't work, nothing will, I'd think. 

When he's hanging off your knees crying, look at him with disdain (I do...). This isn't a MAN talking to you, it's a confused BOY looking for Mum. You aren't his Mum! He's the man of the house, he's supposed to be strong. Oh, and loyal...

He has to do more than talk and cry. He needs to walk the walk. He's the one who shat where he sleeps.

I understand the long-standing feelings you have for the man you thought he could be. But he's shown you time and again he's NOT the man you thought he was. He can't keep his pistol in his pocket, and uses you for a safe zone while he's out there endangering YOU with possible STDs, sharing family resources with these cows, and totally disrespecting your marriage vows. Is your marriage sacred to you? It isn't to him. It's a security blanket while he goes out and toys around. 

I'm truly sorry for your situation. There's nothing worse, I think. It's a constant pressure inside you that sucks your energy and makes you feel hollow. 

But you don't tie your boat to the dock to keep it from sinking. You pull it out of the water and fix the leak. In your case, the promise of divorce is the only way you'll get to dry dock.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

He won't go to another job. He will stay where he is, promising not to restart things with the OW, but when things level off with you and start to seem more 'normal,' he will start up again, either with her or with someone else. That is what a serial cheater does. He hasn't had any serious consequences. He cries and begs, you are scared and hurt & you get worn down and take him back and hope for the best.

The script is pretty predictable, though. Without serious and obvious consequences, he'll just go back to what he wants to do, which is have his cake and eat it, too. And every time he does, you'll die just a little bit more.

Just FYI, so that you know what the odds are.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

OK, you ain't gonna like this---but you need to read it

You are scared shi*less of life aren't you-----you say you are not in misery----then why the he*l, are you here

You are being picked apart with infidelity, after infidelity, and you allow it to happen------do you LIKE finding out another woman has replaced/is replacing you----yet you throw a little hissy fit, and then your H, manipulates you with lies/tears/begging, and you cave in

Why are YOU letting some counselor decide how the rest of YOUR life will go---THAT IS A DECISION FOR YOU, AND ONLY YOU TO MAKE---or do you think when you are 65, and have physical problems, financial problems, and what have you---THAT, THAT COUNSELOR IS GONNA COME AND RESCUE YOU

Stop being a chicken sh*t, and stand up for yourself, look in the mirror, and be pround of that person looking back at you-------right now, you are a long way away from being proud of anything about yourself----and stop lying to yourself, about your wonderful mge----IT AIN'T WONDEFUL, AND YOU F'ing WELL KNOW IT


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

jnj express said:


> OK, you ain't gonna like this---but you need to read it
> 
> You are scared shi*less of life aren't you-----you say you are not in misery----then why the he*l, are you here
> 
> ...


Earthy, but true.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Last night I told him it’s over and told him to leave, and I mean it. And I actually think he knows I mean it.
He refused to go as it was late so I said he must be gone before I get home from work today. This morning he went to see his sister after telling me he would be back during the day while I am at work to collect some of his things.
The enormity of it all is hitting me in waves, one minute I’m ok because I know it’s the best thing to do, the next I’m so sad at the loss of everything. I presume this is normal?
I hope to god he is not there when I get home, but I have a suspicion he may be. I think he wants to stay in the house as we are not in a great financial position to fund two places. But I think this will be impossible to deal with. His sister has a room he could stay in – which I suggested last night – but I don’t know how long it would be feasible, even if he could be persuaded to stay there. Or how long she would be willing for him to stay there.
I cannot afford to run the house by myself, so I see the only option is to sell and split, but this could take months & months. 
Can people who have been through this tell me how you cope with this transition period, especially on a limited budget?


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

I can't answer you question as I am on that spot others will pop on to answer it tho I am sure. I did want to say that I think you are doing the right thing you need to stand up for yourself and your happiness. I think you are doing wonderful.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Aaagghhhhh.
Im so angry right now. My Husband has just phoned me begging and pleading to sort things out and try again, crying down the phone saying he will do anything to have me back. Apparently he will 'have his k**b removed' if I would just take him back.
I told him firmly that his actions have caused this and now he must face up to the consequenses.
He then said 'I have never thrown this in your face before because I'm not that sort of person but don't you think you should take some of the blame for what I did?'.
I just swore and hung up the phone. I am so mad that he dare to think this is my fault, I just know that he has portrayed me as a poor wife to all his family. 

I want to scream.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

My H recently brought up that things happen for a reason, implying that I had done something to cause him to go cheat. I told him there is NOTHING I could have done that he couldnt have told me was upsetting and/or left me before he cheated on me. I will never buy that a spouse could do anything bad enough to be cheated on, besides cheating on you first, maybe. And then two wrongs dont make a right!

Im sorry he is not going to make it easy for you to move on!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

People need to justify so that they don't have to think of themselves as such low human beings.

So, if you've been such a 'poor wife,' why is he so desperate for you to take him back?


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

MOOSEY said:


> He then said 'I have never thrown this in your face before because I'm not that sort of person but don't you think you should take some of the blame for what I did?'.


He just did you a tremendous favor. Erasing any misplaced doubt you might have had to reconcile. Use it to fuel your anger and increase your resolve - to dump him on the curb.


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

MOOSEY said:


> Aaagghhhhh.
> Im so angry right now. My Husband has just phoned me begging and pleading to sort things out and try again, crying down the phone saying he will do anything to have me back. Apparently he will 'have his k**b removed' if I would just take him back.
> I told him firmly that his actions have caused this and now he must face up to the consequenses.
> He then said 'I have never thrown this in your face before because I'm not that sort of person but don't you think you should take some of the blame for what I did?'.
> ...


Drop this piece of shyte as if he was real piece of shyte. No body really remorseful would say something like that he is just trying to game you. You are deserve way more than that.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Yes, in a funny sort of way, once I'd calmed down, he helped me. Because I feel just a little bit less sad than I did before. And slightly more resilient to his whimpering and crying. So, thanks to him for that. Yey.


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## Nujabes (May 16, 2013)

MOOSEY said:


> He was already married when I met him.


You reap what you sow... That's all I gotta say.


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## MOOSEY (Apr 24, 2013)

Nujabes said:


> You reap what you sow... That's all I gotta say.


Thanks


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## PamJ (Mar 22, 2013)

I have told my H that I will take 50% responsibility for the condition of our relationship, good and bad, but 0% for his decision to betray and cheat on me, that was all him. 
Yes, when he looked elsewhere for the ego boost we were not communicating well, but surely he's intelligent enough to know that I felt as much unloved/unliked/unheard as HE did, right? He's a smart guy. The 2nd time he connected with this same OW (all online/phone etc) I thought we were in R and doing well, so he has no one to blame this time, even HE can't justify this one in his head. Luckily he beleives me when i tell him this is his very last chance and is doing all the right things. Let's hope it continues as I will not accept less ever again.


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