# Who still makes out with their spouse?



## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Do you still make out? I mean like when you first met. Where you are left breathless. 

Did you stop making out but found the flame again? If so, how did you get it back. 

I am personally aching for the intense passion to return. Our marriage is great. We have our ups and downs like everyone else. We have fun and giggle together. 

I know the type of easy intensity of new love fades. But I believe you can make a choice to keep it alive. A choice you need to conciously make everyday.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I do love kissing. 😏


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

We definitely still make out. At 45 and married for 23 years it is a choice and decision to remain sexually engaged. We know it is healthy, fun, and one of the best things for long term marriage success. We aren’t horny teenagers anymore but intimacy carries a lot of the ties that bind


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

Not much kissing here. Assuming that's what you mostly mean. (27 year relationship) we are sexual without it, for the most part.

I did go through a phase of wanting some passion in my life. Never found a way though. 

It seems like something big would have to happen, to kind of jump start it again. Or you would both have to interested in exploring this, maybe through tantric style practises.


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## Carburatedexcuses (Jun 4, 2019)

Nope. It’s rare. Just go straight to the main act. 


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Making out is the best part of sex. If I don't feel like making out with someone, I sure wouldn't feel like having sex with them.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Making out is the best part of sex. If I don't feel like making out with someone, I sure wouldn't feel like having sex with them.


I like that attitude! It has been a while sense we have really kissed (even during sex). I almost forget how good it feels. I am making the decision to bring that passion back. The worst that can happen is she rejects my advances.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Why not do it in the context of a kind of date night, a dinner or movie and maybe a short walk around the park and kiss her under the moonlight and just linger and see if she is comfy or pulls back. For your sake, I hope she doesn't pull back. Women are always pulling back though if they think it's calculated to lead to sex and that's the only reason you're doing it. You could reminisce. Maybe even take her somewhere you used to make out.


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## GutShot7 (Aug 2, 2020)

Making out is about as rare as the sex, every couple months. We have a good kiss a couple times a week. Most of the time it is just a quick peck.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I’m sort of lost and feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone to hear that some married persons don’t passionately kiss.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It doesn't have to be on the lips...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Yep! All the time. I LOVE kissing, and snuggling with my husband. Love love love it. He's not complaining lol.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am British so not sure what 'making out' exactly is. Do you mean kissing/snogging?


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Diana7 said:


> I am British so not sure what 'making out' exactly is. Do you mean kissing/snogging?


Yes, kissing like teenagers. French kissing and heavy petting. Essentially the foreplay to foreplay.

I want that back. I am trying to remember when it stopped. We had issues with intamacy where the sex stopped. Now the sex is back but it is always qucikies without foreplay and kissing. I think the answer is probably "just do it." After a while if the kissing does not come back after several attempts then we will need to communicate why it is not. I think all couples who feel close probably get the rush when they kiss. If not, there is something wrong in the relationship that needs to be drawn out and worked on. 

I am open to suggestions on ways to being it back without seeming to needy/clingy. My current strategy is day dreaming about when we first met. I can still remember how intense our first kiss was. Honestly, I could kiss her like that now but a lifetime of relationship builds some walls.

Isn't it strange that it is so easy to have that passion when you first meet, but after years of love, compassion, creating a home and qraising a family - it is so hard to get it back. Is it boredom, comfortability, lack of desire or sexual tension?

I am working on breaking down my own personal defensive walls. What I am finding is emotional freedom and I am getting butterflies in my stomach when I am around her. It feels good.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Married 47 years here and just recently I realized that our kissing had turned into just quick pecks. So I decided to bring back the passionate 10 second, open mouth kiss. The first time I tried it the wife was a bit surprised and pulled back. I told her, "I'm not done with you yet," and pulled her in to try again. She seemed to enjoy it but was still surprised and pulled back again. I said, "I'm still not done with you," and I placed my hand behind her neck and brought her in again. This time we completed it. It has brought back the passion. Making out more regularly now and having sex 4 times a week over the last two weeks. Life is good!


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Diceplayer said:


> Married 47 years here and just recently I realized that our kissing had turned into just quick pecks. So I decided to bring back the passionate 10 second, open mouth kiss. The first time I tried it the wife was a bit surprised and pulled back. I told her, "I'm not done with you yet," and pulled her in to try again. She seemed to enjoy it but was still surprised and pulled back again. I said, "I'm still not done with you," and I placed my hand behind her neck and brought her in again. This time we completed it. It has brought back the passion. Making out more regularly now and having sex 4 times a week over the last two weeks. Life is good!


Nice! Tell me a bit more. I plan to take a similar approach. Why do I feel like I need to work up courage to kiss my wife 😁.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

We do, prior to having sex.
We make out until we are breathless.
However, being older, breathless comes a lot sooner now.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Tdbo said:


> We do, prior to having sex.
> We make out until we are breathless.
> However, being older, breathless comes a lot sooner now.


Great to hear! 

I am in pretty good shape. I'll go surfing for 6 hours straight until my arms feel like they are falling off. That said, I have noticed in the last year I will get so into sex (PIV) that I will forget to breath. To the point I get light headed and have to consciously remember to take a breath. This used to happen from time to time when I would go down on her, but she does has not wanted that in 10+yrs. I would focus on pace and rhythm as that was what she needed to get over the edge, then all of a sudden it has been 30 seconds without a breath 🤣.

On a somewhat related note to not kissing your spouse, do any of our spouses not like receiving oral sex? My wife has trouble climaxing so it ends up frustrating her so we stopped even trying. There were times where I would go 20+ minutes and she just asks me to stop.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

hubby said:


> Nice! Tell me a bit more. I plan to take a similar approach. Why do I feel like I need to work up courage to kiss my wife 😁.


OP,

See @Diceplayer 's post that's all a H needs to do.

Dive in. Just do it. 

Advancing meekly with your plan will be detrimental to a positive outcome and hurt the passion you're wanting to regenerate.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> OP,
> 
> See @Diceplayer 's post that's all a H needs to do.
> 
> ...


Planning on it. Will report back with results 😁


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

My wife has said she doesn’t like making out. Any making out is pro forma like asking your server at a restaurant how their day is going. Done and quickly dispensed with but clearly noticeable if not done.

The older we get the less passion she shows. If I give more than a peck on the lips I get a “mmmm” but that’s about it. I think she likes it but is restrained in showing affection towards me. Especially with kids in the room. No real passionate kissing outside the 45 seconds before she climaxes. Makes me feel more like she wants friends with bi-monthly benefits while I want a lover.

I think propensity to make out is tied to attachment style. Avoidants like sex but not making out or other physical expressions. Anxious people feed of it and secure people like it as well.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Maybe we both give @Diceplayer advice and just take control and go for it. Find a moment when you connect and go for the deep kiss and don't back off unless she give a firm "stop". The worst thing that can happen playing with fire is getting burned.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Yes, absolutely make out like we have for 26 years. We just conduct our marriage like are still dating!


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Well, that was pretty much a big fail. Aunt flow just left town so we escaped to the "love closet". I made sure to start with some kissing. She told me at first I was being too rough, then told me she could tell I was loosing rhythm when we started having sex. I change it up and then she said she was doing all the tongue work. I told her lets just take our time, have some fun and learn how to kiss each other again. That was responded with "we need to make this quick as she has a lot of stuff to do", she is tired and has a headache. Well, that hit me in the gut, literally, and that pretty much told mister happy to go relax. At that point I knew it was not going to happen. When I pulled back she got said "no lets finish, I want to get credit." I kinda lost it and left the room.

I cooled of in the shower and let her know that I wanted us to work on being more intimate. We need to learn how to kiss and be close again. I expressed how I felt our lack of kissing was a symptom of a deeper disconnection. How could we fit together so perfect on our first kiss and now we somehow can't figure it out. We also need to figure out how to spend more intimate time focusing on each other -- not just sex.

One other tidbit, she still feels that kissing adds pressure to lead to sex. That is totally not true and I told her. It leads to whatever we want it to lead to - ideally more general intimacy. Hopefully she believed me and we figure out how to be new lovers again.

I feel a bit beat down -- but I will get back up and we will figure this out. Just had to vent!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We kiss (briefly) often, but "making out" typically happens when we have sex (also often).


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

And it continues...she came in to my office to try and get some closure. We shared how we are both upset. I let her know that I feel that I am finally letting some defensive walls come down and I am seeking to regain the intimacy (all the kinds) we used to have. I told her my gut is that there has been some level of disconnection for a long time. I reminded her how we stopped kissing and having sex two years after we met. How sex is ALWAYS rushed.

I had some emotional vomit there but this was some deep and somewhat brutal honesty. We'll see where it goes.

Another side note, I find myself brushing my teeth like five times a day. She mentioned a few times over the years when my breath was ripe so I want to make sure I am fresh.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Without kissing sex is empty, at least for me,I suppose it has something to do with your first sexual experiences.

I would almost object to my W kissing someone else even more so than have sex with them. The response from me would be the same in terms of making the other person pay.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

She's taking you for granted because she knows that you will always be there, so she doesn't have to put much effort into it. Whatever you do, do not beg or plead with her. That shows weakness and will turn her off to you even more. Put a smile on your face and go about your day. No moping around. You might even do a soft 180 on her. Show her that you can live without her. Start making yourself sexier. Hit the gym; lose some weight if you need to; start dressing better. Do all the things that you would do if you were single and wanting to attract women. This takes time, possibly several months, but you probably didn't get where you are over night. Eventually she will find herself increasingly attracted to you and she will be forced into choosing either a more sexual relationship or risk losing you to another woman.


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## hubby (Aug 10, 2009)

Diceplayer said:


> She's taking you for granted because she knows that you will always be there, so she doesn't have to put much effort into it. Whatever you do, do not beg or plead with her. That shows weakness and will turn her off to you even more. Put a smile on your face and go about your day. No moping around. You might even do a soft 180 on her. Show her that you can live without her. Start making yourself sexier. Hit the gym; lose some weight if you need to; start dressing better. Do all the things that you would do if you were single and wanting to attract women. This takes time, possibly several months, but you probably didn't get where you are over night. Eventually she will find herself increasingly attracted to you and she will be forced into choosing either a more sexual relationship or risk losing you to another woman.


Thanks for the advice Diceplayer. We talked more last night and she did listen to me. She knows what I need and she said she is going to try. However, she did say that she is not the person she used to be and she is scared that she will fail. I will give her some time. If things don't go well, I am going to bring up counseling. I have suggested that a couple times before and we actually went to a few sessions. She feels threatened that the counselor will "take my side"...red flag. If all else fails is it 180 time.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

My wife and I snog/tongue pash/swap spit a lot for longish periods of time. It occurs outside of sex plentifuly enough because it's fun. Although we don't do that kind of thing in front of our children, other relatives etc, unless they catch us at it through stumbling upon us.

While it also occurs very frequently as part of sex during foreplay, through a lot of intercourse and sometimes afterwards as well.


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## Tasorundo (Apr 1, 2012)

I have to remind myself to occasionally just go and grab her and give her a kiss. Kissing is normally a part of any sexual activity, but I know that she feels desired when I just approach her and kiss her, not just a peck, but a real kiss.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

hubby said:


> Thanks for the advice Diceplayer. We talked more last night and she did listen to me. She knows what I need and she said she is going to try. However, she did say that she is not the person she used to be and she is scared that she will fail. I will give her some time. If things don't go well, I am going to bring up counseling. I have suggested that a couple times before and we actually went to a few sessions. She feels threatened that the counselor will "take my side"...red flag. If all else fails is it 180 time.


Be sure and remind her there is no "failing" here.

The only fail would be lack of trying imho.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

This kind of doesn't apply since I'm now divorced but it is kind of interesting nonetheless. My ex said fairly early on that kissing was wet and gross so "making out" was more what I did with my hands. This was a bit of a double edged sword because if I misjudged her interest being "grabby" or "touchy feely" when she wasn't (yet) ready, it killed her mood. Until we stopped really being intimate, what constituted "making out" for us was something we still did. It wouldn't usually last so long that she soaked through her PJs / sweatpants like when she was a teenager though. A big part of the reason for that was because our making out only happened when either we were alone or the kids were asleep but in the beginning it might just be when there wasn't someone else actually in the room so we could transition to other things.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

This thread made me feel so much better about my marriage...lol!

We rarely makeout. I will complain about it and wonder if that means my husband doesn't see me like that anymore, but I think its something that is forgotten. We are intimate a moderate amount (at least once a week), but we aren't 50 shades of grey. 

Sometimes we do if we've had a few drinks and feel more "hot" 😅


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