# Am I Wrong To Do This?



## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

This weekend is Easter for My Orthodox GF. It's not like the Catholic Easter. It's a 3.5 hour mass, followed by pigging out for 2 more. The mass is at 10pm Saturday night. My GF has had issues with her family and she says this whole time of year and this celebration makes her feel at home and give her peace. Now I'm not religious anymore (that's not the point of this post), and while I want to be supportive, I think this is all a bit much. I certainly can't stay up until 3AM and certainly not eat that late. Coupled with the fact that I'm on a ketogenic diet, I can't eat half the stuff anyway. Is it wrong of me, and unsupportive, if I don't tag along?


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

Anyone? 41 of you view and not one response?


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## sscygni (Apr 13, 2016)

jbird669 said:


> This weekend is Easter for My Orthodox GF. It's not like the Catholic Easter. It's a 3.5 hour mass, followed by pigging out for 2 more. The mass is at 10pm Saturday night. My GF has had issues with her family and she says this whole time of year and this celebration makes her feel at home and give her peace. Now I'm not religious anymore (that's not the point of this post), and while I want to be supportive, I think this is all a bit much. I certainly can't stay up until 3AM and certainly not eat that late. Coupled with the fact that I'm on a ketogenic diet, I can't eat half the stuff anyway. Is it wrong of me, and unsupportive, if I don't tag along?


Yes.
My wife is also Eastern Orthodox, and we will be doing the Easter thing, because it is important to her, therefore sharing it with her is important to me.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

How long have you been dating? How serious is the relationship?


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

Three years. We live an hour apart due to work. She's trying to move up to me (I can't move d/t my kids being nearby).


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

How does your GF feel this? Does she want you to join her?

Will SHE feel unsupported?

It doesn't really matter what the cyber world thinks...just your GF


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I think this is more than her feeling "supported" or not. This is a religious service that that is not part of HIS religious beliefs or practices.

If I had a partner who needed me to attend his religious services that were not part of my beliefs or he wouldn't feel supported and it was a problem for him, I would need to end the relationship.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

She would LIKE me to attend, but won't be upset or wanting to end things if I don't.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

Livvie said:


> I think this is more than her feeling "supported" or not. This is a religious service that that is not part of HIS religious beliefs or practices.
> 
> If I had a partner who needed me to attend his religious services that were not part of my beliefs or he wouldn't feel supported and it was a problem for him, I would need to end the relationship.


I don't disagree, this example of religious differences would be a deal breaker for me. However, I didn't want to assume that the OP wanted to break up based on this difference. But rather, can their relationship work in inclusive of this difference and how does he and his GF feel about this. Again- it is a convo he needs to have with his GF and goes way beyond this one event.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

cons said:


> I don't disagree, this example of religious differences would be a deal breaker for me. However, I didn't want to assume that the OP wanted to break up based on this difference. But rather, can their relationship work in inclusive of this difference and how does he and his GF feel about this. Again- it is a convo he needs to have with his GF and goes way beyond this one event.


FWIW, she never gets to go to church (long story, not her fault) any other time and wouldn't ask me to go, just this one as it's where, right now given family situations, she feels at peace. I've attended before, because I was curious, but it was 45 minutes as opposed to 4-5 hours (with post-mass feast).


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I was raised Greek Orthodox I guess I am now "lapsed", I don't go to the Easter services anymore because of the length and the incense the smell gives me a massive migraine (yes I get actual migraines). My family always did our Easter meal around 1 or 2 on Easter Sunday not right after the late multi hour service. 

I don't blame you for not wanting to participate it is a lot to ask of someone. I used to do it for my mother, but I just can't do it anymore.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

The plot thickens..may just avoid visiting this weekend altogether.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

In what way?

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Do what you want to do, you aren't married she is just a girlfriend. It doesn't sound like you two have much of a future together anyway. Differences in religious views can cause a lot of conflicts in marriages.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

She basically said that since this an important weekend, where she feels peace and we have the big celebration, that we won't be having sex.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Yes, even though you aren't religious and won't eat any of the food, if you still want to be with her, you'll have to support activities like this that are important to her. She should also support the things important in your life to. If this is going to be a real problem for you, you should start thinking about if you want to continue seeing her.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Is this really a debate. She wants you there, it happens once a year...go man. Deal with it. Rub one out the night before, eat a big meal before mass and hang out. I'm a Jew and I'd still go.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

She tries to support me from afar, but that's just it, it's from afar.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

Herschel said:


> Is this really a debate. She wants you there, it happens once a year...go man. Deal with it. Rub one out the night before, eat a big meal before mass and hang out. I'm a Jew and I'd still go.


I rub one out many of the 24 days a month I don't see her. Don't want to do it when I have her next to me for 72 hours.


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

I have learned that since I am not a religious person, it is best that I didn't pursue women who are. It creates a void in the relationship. I have no desire to attend church. I get no comfort out of church and to have a SO try and make me make it important just doesn't work. I am to logical minded and trying to put my destiny in some mythical "might be" just isn't happening. But I digress.

Personally I would talk to her and explain my position. She will either understand or not. All I can say is that if you go, I hope that she reciprocates and does something you really enjoy that she dislikes.

I have done the LDR thing and it is hard, especially if you only see each other once a month or so. Add complications and it only gets worse. I wish you luck, not sure I actually provided anything useful.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

C3156 said:


> I have learned that since I am not a religious person, it is best that I didn't pursue women who are. It creates a void in the relationship. I have no desire to attend church. I get no comfort out of church and to have a SO try and make me make it important just doesn't work. I am to logical minded and trying to put my destiny in some mythical "might be" just isn't happening. But I digress.
> 
> Personally I would talk to her and explain my position. She will either understand or not. All I can say is that if you go, I hope that she reciprocates and does something you really enjoy that she dislikes.
> 
> I have done the LDR thing and it is hard, especially if you only see each other once a month or so. Add complications and it only gets worse. I wish you luck, not sure I actually provided anything useful.


I appreciate the input. Thank you!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

jbird669 said:


> She tries to support me from afar, but that's just it, it's from afar.


I'd be running for the hills.

this is a giant $hit test.

he must love me if he will attend this ridiculous religion function that he doesn't believe. and he must really love me if he attends and know hes not getting any a$$.

yuck. no thanks.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

One big event every year is not a [email protected] test. He's known she does this for at least three years.



> he must really love me if he attends and know hes not getting any


 I agree with this IF, she's never done it until he backed out. His reaction makes it sound like this is a test.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Are you saying that she said if you don't go, she won't give you sex? Or are you saying that she said because she wants this weekend to be a mystical experience for her, she won't be having sex as to not distract from the experience? Two different things.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

jbird669 said:


> I rub one out many of the 24 days a month I don't see her. Don't want to do it when I have her next to me for 72 hours.


But that's not the point. You won't be getting laid this weekend regardless. Either you won't get laid at home, playing Call of Duty or watching some playoffs, or you can not be getting laid supporting your girlfriend through something that means a lot to her.

I get that #1 is definitely more fun, and something you'd rather do in the long run. But if this woman is someone you may want to marry, then option 2 is something you'll make her feel good for doing, but you'll feel better about yourself on the long run. And even if you are someone who doesn't care about their own self worth, it is definitely worth it so you don't have to hear her bring it up like once a month until death do you part.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

IMO, don't pretend to be something you are not, or believe something you don't, even for the benefit of a partner. A relationship formed on lies will not last, and attending an apparently important religious event would imply you were willing to be pulled into that life.

As for the 'no sex', I don't see how that has anything to do with the event. Sounds more like she just doesn't want to be bothered with sex when she's about to spend all night praying and eating. I wouldn't either. That's a romance killer if ever there was one.


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

So I went and boy, was I glad I did! Not only did we not go to church (mass was at 10:30, but she fell asleep), but we had sex as soon as I walked in her door, and much of the weekend!


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## llahti (May 4, 2016)

Jbird, that is a tough one..... You have to bend sometimes. I would go to make the wife happy. I am not sure if it would be rude to show up and be supportive and then leave but if that would make things worse then I would probably stay for the entire thing, if its that big of a deal for her then I would go


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You passed the test.
But are you sure you want to be tested like this?


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## Jayg14 (May 23, 2011)

1) This isn't my wife. Doubtful I would get married again. 
2) Hicks, never been tested like this before with her. If it continues, I can bounce. Plenty of fish in the sea.


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