# Realy need some advice as I am near to leaving her



## phil1234 (Sep 8, 2011)

I have been married for five years and the first 18 months were OK but then she started to cause arguments when she had been drinking. These were always about that she did the gift she wanted or that I had not done what she thought I had to do around the house. A year ago this got realy bad and on one of these ocasions I told her that I had had enough and wanted a divorce. After a few days things settled down and have been ok until a few weeks ago when I told her that we needed to spend more time together as I felt we were doing to much seperatly. This caused a big argument and I do not understand why and a few more since. 
A few days ago It was our 5th wedding aniversary. A week before this my parents best friend died very sudenly and the funeral ended up being on the day of our aniversary. I had already said that I would be attending the funeral before a date had been set. I had grown up with this freinds family and we had holiday together. My wife had meet with them on quite a few ocasions for a meal and to play cards. So up until the day before she had agreed to come to the funeral with me as you would expect. On the morning we got up and I went out to get her some flowers and when I returned she seamed pleased with them and then just at the time we needed to get ready to go to the funeral she told me she was not going. I told her that she should be coming with me as how would it look to his family when I arrived alone but she would not come so I got ready and left in a bit of a bad mood as I felt she was letting me down. I was gone all day and when I got home I was ready to forget the morning and try to make something of our aniversary but found her drunk and very quickly started to attack me verbaly. I was told that I should not have attended the funeral and should have stayed at home with her, the flowers I had bought her where the wrong sort, that my parents had not congratulated her on our aniversary or bought her a gift also that I had not bought her an expensive braclet even though we had agreed to spend the money on some house plants for her and a couple of days out as we did not have the money for both. This went on for around six hours until she decided to go to sleep. The next day she wanted to forget all about it but I was still upset about everything and was looking for her to apologise but she still felt she was right and I was the one in the wrong and by the evening she got drunk again and it all started again. I do not know what to do now all I know is that I can not go on like this for much longer.

Sorry this was so long but I wanted to put it in context properly


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

What you've described is a pretty clear cut case of alcoholism. Tough road ahead for the both of you.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

i don't think it's alcoholism. i think there's other things going on here. why would she suddenly decide not to go to the funeral?

her attitude gets worse when she's been drinking.

i'd start with counseling. if she doesn't want to go, go alone to show you are serious about straightening things out.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

"After a few days things settled down and have been ok until a few weeks ago when I told her that we needed to spend more time together as I felt we were doing to much seperatly. This caused a big argument and I do not understand why and a few more since."


What does this mean? If she hasn't been spending the time with you, who has she been spending it with and what is she doing?

Also, how old are you two, any kids?


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## JStevens (Sep 7, 2011)

This doesn't sound easy. I'd agree with what the other poster's in saying that if she does have a problem with alcohol, that needs to be dealt with. Period. 

She needs to recognise that it's an issue though. As well as this, I think counselling would be a good place to start and help communicate these core problems.

All the best Phil


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## Cristian Luca (Sep 7, 2011)

It seems like you have attracted a narcissistic woman. It may sound esoteric, but she seems to take on your positive energy to feed her own selfish motivations. 

Your reasoning, your behavior and your attitude towards her is positive while she always seeks a reason to sting you and make you feel lesser than her. She thinks that she is the center of the Earth and you are merely a servant that has to make her happy.

Do what you like but she is doesn't seem like a woman worthy of someone with an open heart cause she will tear it apart with her narcissistic tendencies.


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## TwoDogs (Jul 29, 2011)

Married&Confused said:


> i don't think it's alcoholism. i think there's other things going on here. why would she suddenly decide not to go to the funeral?


She may have decided not to attend the funeral in order to stay home and drink. Alcoholics will often pick fights to give themselves an excuse to drink, while placing blame on the other person for their drinking.


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

phil1234 said:


> I have been married for five years and the first 18 months were OK but then she started to cause arguments when she had been drinking. These were always about that she did the gift she wanted or that I had not done what she thought I had to do around the house. A year ago this got realy bad and on one of these ocasions I told her that I had had enough and wanted a divorce. After a few days things settled down and have been ok until a few weeks ago when I told her that we needed to spend more time together as I felt we were doing to much seperatly. This caused a big argument and I do not understand why and a few more since.
> A few days ago It was our 5th wedding aniversary. A week before this my parents best friend died very sudenly and the funeral ended up being on the day of our aniversary. I had already said that I would be attending the funeral before a date had been set. I had grown up with this freinds family and we had holiday together. My wife had meet with them on quite a few ocasions for a meal and to play cards. So up until the day before she had agreed to come to the funeral with me as you would expect. On the morning we got up and I went out to get her some flowers and when I returned she seamed pleased with them and then just at the time we needed to get ready to go to the funeral she told me she was not going. I told her that she should be coming with me as how would it look to his family when I arrived alone but she would not come so I got ready and left in a bit of a bad mood as I felt she was letting me down. I was gone all day and when I got home I was ready to forget the morning and try to make something of our aniversary but found her drunk and very quickly started to attack me verbaly. I was told that I should not have attended the funeral and should have stayed at home with her, the flowers I had bought her where the wrong sort, that my parents had not congratulated her on our aniversary or bought her a gift also that I had not bought her an expensive braclet even though we had agreed to spend the money on some house plants for her and a couple of days out as we did not have the money for both. This went on for around six hours until she decided to go to sleep. The next day she wanted to forget all about it but I was still upset about everything and was looking for her to apologise but she still felt she was right and I was the one in the wrong and by the evening she got drunk again and it all started again. I do not know what to do now all I know is that I can not go on like this for much longer.
> 
> Sorry this was so long but I wanted to put it in context properly


Dude, she sounds very much like my ex.

If you're looking for trouble in your life, stay with her.
If you want to leave your troubles behind then LEAVE HER NOW. 
Sorry to sound blunt but sounds a bit like my story.


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## Aontroim (Sep 14, 2011)

A good friend of mine had a wife like this, always asking him for things which he gave her because it was the only time she was ever nice to him. I kept telling him to grow a set or he'd never get respect, after spending more than a 100k in jewellry and clothes in a year on her, he caught her in bed with a guy from the bar who was a waiter at Denny's. He asked her why and she said "because he treated me like **** and i got off on it, he was a man not a puss, i'm sorry but i don't respect you". I'm not saying thats you bro but its time a bit of place putting was done here, what do you want? Respect or Disrespect, how you handle it will determine her latitude to ever repeat this again. Never ever build your life around trying to keep a woman happy, be yourself and she doesn't love you for that then don't waste your time, cash and the heartbreak. If you're with the right woman, random gifts (never requested) will be received in a manner that will make you want to give them. If you don't have any kids you're a lucky man.


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