# Is it wrong to feel jealous?



## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

so as of 3 weeks ago my husband wanted to separate...I guess icne he moved out of the bedroom and into a spare 3 weeks ago that would be considered separated right? No ring, no talking to me, nothing of his in the bedroom...doesnt want to check in, call etc.

He told me today he was going out to a halloween party with a bunch of people from work and wouldn't be home tomorrow night.... I felt a knife go through m chest.... i hate the feeling of doubt and jealousy... like the only thing that runs through m head is.... who is he with and who is trying to get with him.... how do you even begin to control those feelings without overreacting and flipping out like a pyscho separated wife?


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## colour-me-confused (Sep 15, 2010)

I don't have a great answer for you ... I was crazy jealous when my ex started dating after our separation. All I can tell you is that it is normal and okay to feel this way. You can't control it because it is natural. If you are hoping to reconcile then the only thing you can do is act normal and okay about it even if you are not. Its a horrible thing to go through though! The best thing I did when I felt the same was to have a girls night out ... the girls are always good for lifting the spirits 
Good luck


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Shelly, I'm with you. I think my wife (divorce papers were just filed on Wednesday) was out on a date tonight. I am trying so hard to stay positive hoping that it's just a phase. I just don't know what to believe anymore.


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## NickCampbell (Oct 18, 2010)

Here's the definition of Jealousy: 

1. jealous resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage, etc., or against another's success or advantage itself.

2. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry,

...is that really a place where you want to be? 

He already said he wanted to separate, I think you have to take the ego hit and realize that *he doesn't want to be with you right now.* I feel bad having to type that, but honestly...the sooner you face it, the sooner you can work on getting over it.

But you're going to go through the grieving stages, and what you're feeling is normal...just realize jealously doesn't do you any good, and right now you need all the good you can get.


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

My husband and I have been separated for almost two months now and I am jealous of everything. I am jealous of the time he spends alone, the time he goes out with his friends, the fact that he has no responsibilities for a home/pool/yard (he is in an apartment and I am in our home with three kids), he only has laundry for one, he does not have any bills to pay (I pay them all with out joint money). He has walked away from all responsibilities and left me with everything. He still sees the kids, alot actually but he does not do homework with them or any of the "hard stuff" he is Disney Dad and I am the enforcer.

Life really is not working out like I had planned :scratchhead:


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Shelly29 said:


> so as of 3 weeks ago my husband wanted to separate...I guess icne he moved out of the bedroom and into a spare 3 weeks ago that would be considered separated right? No ring, no talking to me, nothing of his in the bedroom...doesnt want to check in, call etc.
> 
> He told me today he was going out to a halloween party with a bunch of people from work and wouldn't be home tomorrow night.... I felt a knife go through m chest.... i hate the feeling of doubt and jealousy... like the only thing that runs through m head is.... who is he with and who is trying to get with him.... how do you even begin to control those feelings without overreacting and flipping out like a pyscho separated wife?


Is it wrong to feel jealous? No.

We're all individuals and how we each feel about certain things is a great part of our individuality. Far better I think to accept our feelings, work out what they are, name and understand them and then discover how and why they came about.

For example I think a previous poster mixed two emotions, jealousy and envy. They are very different. Envy is to do with wanting what someone else has. Jealousy is to do with losing what we already have.

Bob


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## separatedmomof3 (Oct 6, 2010)

Hey AFEH I think you are talking about my post and you are probably right about the envy vs. jealous. I never really thought about it that way but I do agree with you. 

Thanks for opening my eyes.


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## workin' (Jun 3, 2010)

Shelly29 said:


> so as of 3 weeks ago my husband wanted to separate...I guess icne he moved out of the bedroom and into a spare 3 weeks ago that would be considered separated right? No ring, no talking to me, nothing of his in the bedroom...doesnt want to check in, call etc.


I do not think of that as a separation. He just moved form your marriage bed, to his own bedroom. He has a nice place to live...do you still cook for him? He can come and go as he pleases...and gives no thought to how it is tearing you up. He is conducting his "single life" right under your shared roof! IMO, he needs to get out of the house. Let him feel what it is really going to be like...without you.

He is keeping you in limbo.


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

He does what he wants "workin" I do not cook for him, i dont clean for him, i dont do anything for him at all. I go out and party with my girlfriends and he has been doing the same, although this weekend I could over hear him and his friend talking downstairs...nothing crazy but i was hearing snippets and of course with me being buzzed i actually lost it, so the next day I told him if he plans on staying i the house till all this is resolved he needs to respect the fact that this is my house now. He totally understood and has made efforst to be civil, respect my space and house, which is all i am asking for, because i do love him and he has been my best friend for years...so i would like to end this relationship on a positive note (although there are many times i want to kick him and scream for effin up my life...) I need to be the bigger person.


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