# Husband pushed my son



## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

I have to start out with my husband and I have been married for a year. He is extremely quick to anger, at pretty much everything. I am not trying to make excuses for him, but he is under a huge amount of stress. He has 3 kids (2 adopted with special needs, and a biological daughter who is a bit crazy. All under 11). I have 2 boys. We have all 5 kids in the house every other weekend. This was that weekend and it is too crowded, extremely stressful, and just not fun...we have to stay home because his 9 year old is autistic and screams and screams if we leave the house. 

Yesterday we dropped off the 9 year old at his mom's house and decided to go for a short hike with the other 4 kids. It was a lot of fun, but I could tell my husband was still on edge. 

My 11 year old son was walking with us while the other kids ran off ahead. It was no big deal. But then my husband wanted the other kids to stop because we came to a road and he yelled for them to stop, and then my son yelled for them to stop (which they did), but my husband physically pushed my son in the back really hard and yelled at him for not running after them. 

I was kinda in shock that it happened because he had never touched my children before. I could tell that my son was upset. And then as soon as it happened my husband apologized, but I was crying. I told him he needed to apologize to my son, not me. Then he went up to him in the car and said he was taking everyone out for icecream.

I don't know what to do anymore, but I was thinking about having the kids alternate schedules so that my boys won't be with his kids at the same time anymore. They get along great, but it's clearly toxic for everyone in the house. And I do not want them around my husband when he is stressed out like that. 

I really don't know what else to do. I have most of my sentimental belongings packed in a box in case we need to leave quickly. I have told him that he needs counseling, but he just doesn't "have time".


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

Push him right in the trash.

The fact that you already have things ready if you need to take off really says something about how serious this is. You need to tell him this is a shape up or ship out sort of situation. If he thinks he "doesn't have time" for counseling, he needs to MAKE time.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@Katiemelanie, you sound like you're in an abusive relationship. Step back for just a second and review your approach to resolving this situation. Instead of standing up to your husband and telling him he IS NOT allowed to lay a hand on your children in anger, you cried and then ASKED him to seek counseling for his stress management issues. You seem to be walking on eggshells in order to prevent provoking his anger. This is no way to live. 

I'm not sure if you have had the boundaries discussion in your relationship with regards to the children but if not, it is time to set some strong ones regarding his anger, you, and your family. Tell him you will not tolerate his physical or emotional abuse towards you or your kids. Tell him that your primary responsibility is to protect your children and that you will not stay in a marriage where you fear for your kids' wellbeing. Tell him this is his first and ONLY warning. If he behaves in that way again, that you will have to leave him.

Mark my words, he's going to do it again unless you set some strong boundaries regarding his anger, you, and your family. There is absolutely no reason for an adult man to take his anger and frustrations out on a child. None whatsoever.

ETA: You might also want to think about this as a potential custody issue with your ex. I know that if my son told me his step-mom hit him in anger, I'd be at the courthouse first thing the following morning requesting all visitation be canceled with his father until further investigation.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you pack your sentimental belongings because your husband pushed your son? Or were they packed before that?


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

They were packed before. He is just not a very nice person and I am exhausted in this marriage. I've been doing too much and "expected" to do too much. I like being in peace, and he is pretty toxic. For example: Today his special needs son needs to get a CAT scan. His ex wife asked if I could babysit her 2 kids (not related to my husband) because my husband cannot take off work to watch them and her husband is working (from home) and she can't find a sitter. Once in a while...fine, but this is the 3rd time in the last 2 weeks. I am already home with my two boys and his daughter...so I guess what is 2 more kids?!!! I have told him that this isn't right and I have said no, but she still brings them over, and holds her special needs son as ammo, since it's medically necessary that he gets this done now. He told me that he will have a conversation with her after today. But I doubt it. I am damned if I do and damned if I don't. He got mad at me because I shrunk his shirt and told me not to do his laundry anymore then got mad at me when I didn't do his laundry. I have nothing to lose and have been speaking my mind, but I'm pretty much done.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

What's preventing you from leaving?


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

I don't know. Hope I guess??? Fear??? a little bit of everything.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Fear is what should be motivating you to leave. If you feel fear as an adult can you imagine the fear your children feel? How will growing up around a man that instills fear in them effect them? How will watching you tolerate fearing your spouse effect them? 

I have a zero tolerance policy for laying hands on me or my children in anger.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Yes, being physical with my child would be a deal breaker for me. I'm surprised you didn't see his temper while you were dating him or did he contain it so you would marry him? Odds are it will happen again. Second marriages with children are stressful enough without adding in special needs children and a husband who is abusive with a temper.


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

I agree. He was very different when we were dating, and in hindsight...I should have seen this coming, but I didn't (or was blind to it). I have never had so much stress in my life, and I honestly don't see this working out, but I keep waiting for him to realize what he has. It's such a cliche. I know that most men can't change, and my husband most definitely won't. I applied for a job (I'm a teacher) out of state, and put my hands up when I clicked submit. If I leave...I have to leave leave.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

Good! Get that job and go.


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## Katiemelanie (Apr 20, 2015)

I just got back from a counseling appointment and was encouraged to get out. She has also worked with my husband and knows that he cannot and will not change and she told me that she fears for my safety. She gave me resources and a few days ago I applied for a teaching job out of state and heard from them today that they would like to interview me. I think I need to just take these small baby steps.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

There are no baby steps.
You could lose custody of your kids if your counselor fears for your safety and theirs and you the responsible adult who is supposed to protect your kids does nothing.

You must take action. You cannot afford to coddle yourself when it comes to your children.

Kids should not be living in fear. You can make that choice for yourself, but you do not have the right to make it for your kids.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Leave now. Get you and your kids safe and then apologise to them for not leaving earlier, and not standing up for your son when your husband pushed him.


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