# needing advice



## miknilser (Oct 24, 2012)

So I joined this site today. I like to see others helping eachother in a positive way. Maybe the same can be done with this issue.
I am happily married. We have two kids and like everyone else we have problems. His ex, step children, money ect. But we seem to get through it all. I think maybe because I am so able to deal with things and I let alot go that bothers me. This latest concern of mine is that my Husband has spent the last year gaining a new trade. He has been away and not making an income while in school. He took time off in between courses too. We live in a small town where employment is scarce. I run my own company sortof created a job for myself. I am stressed and worn out trying to pay for everything. He appreciates it Im sure. Still, while gone he stays at a friends. For which I am thankful. There is every amenity there and much fun. I think I may be jealous. This week is his last week of school, then he goes to work. His job will be there, not here so he will remain living a couple hours from home. I don't know when we will be together again. I see him on most weekends. I want to be together more. In evenings and such. We cannot afford to move anytime soon either. So I stay here and he is there. It is very hard for me somtimes. I am lonely and frustrated. Any ideas on how to communicate this with him, or coping skills. ??


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

IF you agreed to this arrangement and knew you would be alone, one thing I would NOT do is complain about it. You can tell him it is harder than you expected, but you did agree to it.

Other than that, daily contact, emails, texts, making the weekends count are about all I can suggest.


----------



## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

When you say "we" cannot afford to move, you actually mean "you", right? Because it sounds like he's already moving. And visiting you on some weekends. Not really how I define a marriage, but I guess it takes all types. I know if I were in that situation, I'd move heaven and earth to make sure that my family lived together under the same roof. It's the only way that's acceptable to me.


----------



## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Write him a letter & explain it all... what your heart is saying about needing to spend more time with him , the jealousy, the frustration about financies.... (well, maybe save that for a face to face conversation).. And let him know you'd like a letter back.


----------



## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

you are strong for sacrificing now for a better future together but i do agree with the above that as the man of the house i would do anything to make sure my family was together as soon as possible. given that sentiment you have to be responsible and handle your situation as well - i.e. sounds like a lot is involved with kids, exes, money issues, etc...

bottom line is talk to him but do so in a way that will not put him on the defensive or argumentative. put a plan together so you have something to shoot for as a couple.

i may still be married today if i learned how to communicate better with my ex wife. i didn't and it ruined us. don't hold anything in. 

then when you are together in the meantime make it as quality as possible. treat it as if you are new and in love again! this could be a great opportunity for you both and your marriage.

does it suck? well yes nobody wants to be away from their spouse but sounds like you both are making those sacrifices for a better future - the key is not to forget about the present and how to make it work for everyone.

Joe


----------



## sheldonbloopr (Oct 23, 2012)

miknilser said:


> Any ideas on how to communicate this with him, or coping skills. ??


okay, while I'm the man of the home, in the past, I've given up on opportunities just to be living under one roof.. but I guess our needs were very limited and we managed to sail through..

However, in your situation, I would probably have a plan jotted down by numbers that takes into account your joint income and at what point can you attempt to move your business/self-employment to his vicinity. 

You've supported him through the year of education, now it's his turn to support you through the move (if such a move is possible in your business)


----------



## miknilser (Oct 24, 2012)

Thank you for all your sensible responses. As well it feels good to get some of this off my chest. Replys from Men as well help me to feel that it isn't wrong to approach him with my feelings. I don't want to upset anyone. Just make it easier. I think he would move mountains if he could. Sacrafice for a better future is exactly what I am hoping for. Thx again.


----------



## sheldonbloopr (Oct 23, 2012)

All the best


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

For the first half of our marriage, hubby would be away filming for weeks at a time. Even when they filmed within driving distance, he'd be gone 14 - 16 hour days, sometimes 6 days a week. 

It was really hard, my daughters were 8 and 10, to do this but a lot of it had to do with being really open about how I was feeling. 

We didn't have Skype then but I would use as many channels as you can for staying close. Lots of texting, some fun, some sexy. Lots of reminders of how you feel. 

Also, make special plans for when you're together so you don't forget why you married in the first place.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

miknilser said:


> I don't want to upset anyone.
> 
> I think he would move mountains if he could.


These don't seem to go together. It sounds like you aren't standing up for yourself and he is taking advantage of it. When he went away to school, was it with the understanding that the JOB would be there, too? Did you agree to that?


----------

