# Wife and Male Friends



## Bryan1181

My job takes me away from home for days, weeks, and sometimes months at a time. Last Spring my wife got a job as a secretary at a auto parts salvage yard. The people at her work hang out on week nights and do things on weekends and they invited my wife to join. She showed me some facebook pictures of the large group at the movies, having backyard barbecues, etc. Now her job has mostly male workers, but the pictures had some wives, and the few female co-workers so I did not have any concern. Fast forward to a few days ago. I could not sleep so I was on the Internet. My wife had left her FB page open and I took a look out of curiosity. I was looking at some pictures and noticed one of her in a bikini holding fishing pole. I found out it was part of an album where she went on a fishing trip. I started to dig deeper and finding more and found 2 disturbing trends: as time went on, there were fewer females involved in the activities, and her outfits got skimpier and more revealing. Not only did she wear her bikini on the fishing trip but it became her attire for backyard barbecues and shooing pool at what appeared to be at someones garage. Also her skirts became shorter and tops showing more at places like the movies, restaurants, and bars. Now when we talk while I am traveling, she does tell me about these activities, but not about what she wears and who is there. Now I would have never know these things unless I snooped through her FB because she acts the same around me and when I am home it appears we have great relationship. I have absolutely no proof she is doing anything with these guys. But the fact that she has a lot of male friends and the way she dresses around them have me concerned. How do I confront her?


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## Regalpair275

If it were me, I would have saved the bikini pics and printed them out. My wife and I would have a sit down discussion where I would fess up to browsing through the FB page. I would ask her to explain the things I saw that were inappropriate for my wife to be doing. I would leave out any speculations I might have and only address what I know to be real. 
In my shoes, wife would first be offended that I "invaded her privacy", then she would deny that what I saw was real. This is when I would pull the photos out . I would tell her there is no accusation of infidelity (you have no proof), only a need to express concern over her wardrobe selection. 

I say this from experience, because I was confronted with a similar situation two years ago. 

Btw, there ain't no such thing as a "male friend"

Good luck


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## NoChoice

OP,
Perhaps it is time to reevaluate. Your current employment status is not conducive to family life. People marry for many reasons but chief amoung them is companionship. You are in essence having a long distance relationship with your wife. She may understand this psychologically but emotionally, that may be quite a different story.

As to confronting, I have always been in favor of the direct approach. Express to her your concerns honestly and openly and gauge her response. If you are not satisfied or you do not believe her, then move forward accordingly.

Lastly, regarding "snooping" on her. Her marital vows removed any rights to privacy, especially concerning any extramarital activity involving other men. How can there be secrets in an open, honest relationship? Again, I would give serious contemplation to your priorities currently. Few marriages can survive long term seperation, most cannot. Something to consider.


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## MattMatt

The vast majority of people in this kind of situation do not cheat.

Most people in auto part salvage yards are, by-and-large, decent, ordinary folks.

However, I do have one question. Why are you not invited to any of the events and get-togethers when you are at home?

The problem is that your wife has a need for human companionship whilst you are away for up to months at a time.

This need of hers should be addressed. And in a way that does not cause a problem in your marriage.

BTW, what is your field of employment? Any chance of working closer to home?


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## bandit.45

Sighhhh.....

Another one of these wild wife threads. Is this a trend?


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## aine

Your wife may well be looking for attention as she is not getting it from you. It is hard to maintain a relationship when one of the spouses is constantly on the road, the remaining spouse will get lonely. How often do you contact her when you are away travelling, how often do you send her a love note, a bunch of flowers, etc to let her know you are thinking of her. If you don't then she may well be ripe for the attentions of another man. The fact that she socialises with them is nothing but I do not understand the need for her to wear revealing clothes around them, that is totally inappropriate, she is definitely looking for male attention. You need to nip this in the bud.


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## Chaparral

You're not her facebook friend and cant see her pictures on your own? As someone said, you need a new line of work or forget marriage.


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## EVG39

I hesitate to post in threads where I am just sort of dittoing the good advice someone has already received. However in your case maybe the piling on by a bunch of us can create the sense of urgency needed to save your marriage. Your gut is screaming at you already. Trust your gut. Get a job ASAP that puts you home in bed with your wife every night. Before someone else is.


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## 225985

Bryan1181 said:


> How do I confront her?


You don't. You can work on the symptoms or work on the cause of the problem. Basically you have a choice: Your current job or your current wife. Which do you choose? 

You did not mention if you had this job before you met and married her, but at this point it probably does not matter. 

Sit down with her IN PERSON and have a serious talk about your future with her. Discuss her needs, your needs, your job and work out a solution that makes you both happy.


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## PhillyGuy13

Curious why -- as someone who is on the road away from home a lot -- would you not have a Facebook page of your own to see what your wife is posting for the rest of the world to see? If she's posting it on Facebook she isn't exactly hiding it.

You need to have a discussion with her as to how you feel about her socializing with male coworkers and dressing inappropriately around them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## G.J.

Bryan1181 said:


> My job takes me away from home for days, weeks, and sometimes* months at a time*.


Sorry after reading the first sentences there are few women who could survive being married to a man who is away
from home such an extraordinarily amount of time

The forces wife's at least know what they are getting into when they marry 

If its not already progressed to a physical affair I do suggest you rethink your career if you stay with your wife

She is dressing for there attention or some ones..i mean a bikini on a fishing trip.........she was using her bait for......


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## Thor

As an airline captain, I echo the previous comments. You need a new job or a new wife.

Some wives do fine with travelling husbands. But most women don't. The number of wives of pilots who cheat is scary high. Women's psychology requires a man who is present. If he isn't present, she shouldn't be around other males. It is just basic human nature at work.

When you're away, she's building a life and social ties without you. Before long you're the outsider.

Imho you don't say anything about the bikinis or what she does while you're gone. I think you talk to her about the general state of the marriage and how as a team you two can work towards a better marriage and a better life. Long term goals and stuff like that. Where do you want to live? What do your future finances look like? Children? How do you get there together as a team?

You could ask her how she feels about your job. If she doesn't say she hates you being away, she's either lying or she's already checked out.


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## BetrayedDad

Chaparral said:


> You're not her facebook friend and cant see her pictures on your own? As someone said, you need a new line of work or forget marriage.


Good point.

1) Why can't you see these pictures from your facebook page? If she has them blocked from you then she knows she's being inappropriate. This also shows a willful intent to deceive. She thinks she's being smart by giving you HALF the story.

2) No sane woman thinks it's appropriate to wear a bikini in some dudes garage while shooting pool. This is intentional. She wants the men to lust after her. She seeks attention and validation from men who aren't you.

3) She may not be cheating atm but men ARE hitting on her if she is scantily clad, period. Throw some alcohol in and a hubby whose out of town and how long till she says to herself, "What the hell? I'm horny, why not!"


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## TaDor

@Bryan1181 : your gut is already telling you something is wrong.

My wife *used* to work at a small company. She started doing after-hours socializing with younger co-workers (she's 30, they're early 20s), drinking, parties, etc. While I was invited, I would stay home with the baby and let her vent and have her fun. But things became a problem with "just a friend" male co-worker, then a ***-buddy, then an affair. Things really got turned up when he gave her a Christmas "gift", which would be okay for a friend - but not for someone who is married to someone else. It wasn't an adult-gift, or sexual - but it was symbolic enough for me to get angry and then everything went to crap.

She quit working there and is no-contact with ANYONE from that company. What your wife is doing after-hours is a problem.

For the many reasons, women with guy-friends are a problem. Not always. I have many female friends as well - but I don't hang out with them for hours etc. When women, such as your wife is spending 8+ hours a day working with these "manly men" and then drinking and eating all day with the others... yeah, I'd say you're heading into trouble.

Read books on relationship building. One of you needs a career change. You being gone for days, weeks and longer at a time, unless you're cool with it - she's lonely and wants to feel wanted and loved. She ripe for the picking. You know how long it takes to get laid. A few minutes in the bathroom or in a car and nobody the wiser.

People flirt; its a normal thing we all do. But when its constantly with co-workers, it can easily grow beyond that.

Take things a bit slowly, do research. Learn about relationships and communications. An example, you're not there to talk to her about things that bother her or whatever. but one or more guys at her job, are. They'll give her the time she wants to vent or whatever.

Good luck, but I'd say spend at least several days reading up on affairs of the workplace. 85% of all affairs is from co-workers.

I recommend this article: Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW


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## tech-novelist

I see a lot of red flags.

1. You're not her friend on FB?
2. A sausage fest is not an appropriate place for a married woman, regardless of the other characteristics of the place it happens.

But this is the big one:

3. "I started to dig deeper and finding more and found 2 disturbing trends: as time went on, there were fewer females involved in the activities, and her outfits got skimpier and more revealing. Not only did she wear her bikini on the fishing trip but it became her attire for backyard barbecues and shooing pool at what appeared to be at someones garage. Also her skirts became shorter and tops showing more at places like the movies, restaurants, and bars. "

There isn't a woman alive who doesn't know how men react to such attire. She is doing it knowingly.

Time to go James Bond on her. See http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html for details on how to do this.

And don't tell her you are suspicious!


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## the guy

Let me guess...you aren't as lucky as her coworkers...when you see her she is wearing sweats and a baggy shirt?

Clearly she is dressing to attract male attention.

Hire a pi and see how for gone your wife is.


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## bluezone

Bryan1181 said:


> My job takes me away from home for days, weeks, and sometimes months at a time. Last Spring my wife got a job as a secretary at a auto parts salvage yard.


 @intheory; 
I got to this point in OP's post and thought the SAME thing. That was all I had to read!

OP time to talk to her about your marriage. I originally was thinking you should confront about pics, but I'm rethinking this and I agree with the other posters that you not confront yet... until you can get some more information about what is going on. It's not just one picture of her and the guys, it's many pictures...and she is being totally inappropriate by being around them in bikinis, etc. And I would damn well get her login or friend her or whatever it is you need to be able to see what she is posting. 

The travel is an issue. Too much time away and she is feeling neglected. I'm not condoning what she is doing, but she needs you home more often and you guys need to connect...go on dates, do things together, be a part of each other's lives. It sounds like when you are away you guys don't talk that much...?


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## Lostme

Did she know before you got married that your job required you to be gone a lot? If so then there is no reason for her to be dressing skimpy in front of a lot of guys for attention.

If she needs companionship while you are off earning a living then she needs to find some women friends, or hobbies to keep herself busy. My H travels and I don't run around in skimpy clothes when he is gone, I save that for when he is home.

If i was you I would let her know how you feel about this, married women do not act this way ( well not the majority anyway). I would be ashamed of myself. 

Besides you could skype, facetime or have her come visit you on a weekend you are off.


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## Marduk

bandit.45 said:


> Sighhhh.....
> 
> Another one of these wild wife threads. Is this a trend?


Because it's always shocking to some people when they realize that their wives like sexual attention from other men. 

Clue in, OP. Be around more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor

Considering what has already been happening for what, months. Spend the $40 or so for the SONY recorder, they even sell it in electronic stores. Follow the post about going James bond.

Lets say after you have a week or two worth of audio recordings and some other stuff, and really the most of what you have is her wearing skimpy outfits - then tell her that needs to stop and you both need to reconnect.

Because if ALL you have is a few pictures on FB, then you have nothing. She can say "were just being friends". And then she'll start finding ways to hide, passwords on the phone.

It could simply her wanting attention. But after a few beers and some friendly touching, it goes much more.

Also, get a Facebook account and friend her... and see if those same pics can be seen by YOU.... that would also be a good way to say "honey!? Why are you looking sexy in front of your co workers?".

That would be more legit than saying "I looked through your fb account". Note: FB has a messaging system.


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## Sports Fan

Your marriage is heading for the toilet quick smart.

Rule 1 dont confront. You have a smoking gun but need a little more to confirm 100% so there is no wiggle room or denials from her.

Buy a VAR strap it under her car seat with Lithium long life batteries. The VAR should confirm a lot about the state of the relationship with other men. 

In conclusion as a rule there should be no friends of the opposite sex ever. Sure she will socialise with them whilst at work but the minute she clocks off there is no reason at all to hang with them, take calls from them or message them etc.

Women will have you believe his just a friend etc. I can bet you they are all hitting on her, making inappropriate comments, perhaps the odd slap, or grope on arse passing it off as joke. Planting carefully thought out remarks how your never present and she deserves a man who is around. Then she might start *****i...ng about her issues with you they lend a symptahetic ear and first chance they get they will f....uck her if they haven't already.

The male friends have to go and you need to find a job that keeps you home asap or you wont be married much longer.


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## weightlifter

Flip a coin as to whether she is having an affair.

Top link in my signature. Do it and say nothing.
Eyes open moth shut.


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## Decorum

MattMatt said:


> The vast majority of people in this kind of situation do not cheat.
> 
> Most people in auto part salvage yards are, by-and-large, decent, ordinary folks.
> 
> However, I do have one question. Why are you not invited to any of the events and get-togethers when you are at home?
> 
> The problem is that your wife has a need for human companionship whilst you are away for up to months at a time.
> 
> This need of hers should be addressed. And in a way that does not cause a problem in your marriage.
> 
> BTW, what is your field of employment? Any chance of working closer to home?


Matt Matt, really?

I guess if only 51% of these people dont cheat that would be most, but how comforting is that really?

Ask her one question, "Have you behaved at these get togethers in any way that you would not have had I been with you?". A little widening of the eyes, little look to the left, a hesitation or ANY defensiveness and you have your answer.

Quitting his job, and finding another as advisable as that may be (especially with a wife like thus apparently) may not be as easy as truning on the sonic toothbrush in the morning, and may be too little to late to solve the problem here.

OP you are going to have to be more thorough on how you proceed from here on!

Eta: If you are going to do what Weightlifter suggests (and I think you should) then I would wait on any further discussion\confrontation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bryan1181

When I am home, my wife and I spend as much time together as possible, we rarely do things with other people. When I am traveling, we do talk a lot and text, so I know what activities she does, but she leaves out who she is spending time with and manner of dress.


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## Bryan1181

That is what shocked me, because when I am home everything is normal. We do everything together and our romance is the same. When I am traveling we talk about an hour a day on average and we text. I would have no clue anything was wrong if I did not happen to look at her facebook.


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## Bryan1181

I don't have a facebook account.


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## MattMatt

Bryan1181 said:


> I don't have a facebook account.


Then you will have within the next ten minutes, OK? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor

Seriously Bryan, get the facebook account - it'll help you see WHO she is interacting with - her girlfriends, her family. And it'll help you connect.
I bet the second you say "Honey! I'm creating a facebook account - what is your fb address so you can friend me?" - so when you are friend-ed, I bet those sexy photos will be GONE. And keep this in mind, her friends and co-workers are seeing those photos, not you.

Read the post from weightlifter - its excellent. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html#post9756666 They sell those in stores too. Its kind of old, but SONY stuff like that is top-notch. The newer shiny models are simply that.
@ChrisSmith : Yikes! Yeah, my first VAR didn't have a USB port. I didn't think it was worth the extra $15 bucks way back then, 12 years ago. I spent so much time using the headphone jack to copy and convert my recordings to MP3. While I don't have the SONY, I have an okay one I bought a few years back for biz, which I made sure - had the USB port 
@Bryan: Of course she's going to act normal. Are you expecting her to say "Hey, its cool I don't wear panties at work - it so fun"?

My wife had an affair with a co-worker for two months. It started out as "just friends", after work parties, etc. But my gut was saying "something is wrong" and I started looking more and more. But I did handle it badly, and it blew up in my face with the lies and not having better proof. I've never felt such pain in my life, it really does rip your heart out. I'd rather have two broken legs that'll heal in two months than what I went through.

So I'd recommend this way:
1 - DON'T confront yet. You only have speculation. And with facebook, even if you're friend-ed, she can block specific posts from you.
2 - Read the link from Weightlifter and buy the SONY VAR. If you get it from Amazon, make sure you get it - not her. Another address or a friend, etc.
3 - Then make sure you do have access to her phone as any loving couple are NOT hiding anything. While she is asleep, put it back in the same screen you started. review text messages.
4 - Check your family phone records, online you can see WHO is texting who. You may not be able to see WHAT is in those texts, but the amount of texts and when will be telling. When mine was having the affair - the text between OM and her were all over the place. Far exceeded mine and hers. Only you two should have lots of text messages.
5 - Then create your FB page and send her a friend request and tell her you wanna connect more with her, the family and friends. Then note what YOU saw before vs. what you see today.
6 - A week or so later, check the VAR and see if anything is worthwhile.

The moment someone locks their phone without giving you the password, that means something is very wrong.

7 - Then decide what you need to do. Job wise, therapy, talking. Never can have enough talking.


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## CoolHandLuke

This exact story has been posted either here or another site like this before. The curse of almost full recall.


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## bryanp

She is compartmentalizing. She has a great life.
Your working and taking care of the bills and being a good husband.
She is a good wife to you when you are home gets to party like a single
woman when you are gone. What is wrong with this picture?

She is not respecting you or your marriage. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## 225985

bryanp said:


> Your working and taking care of the bills and being a good husband.


I am not taking her side BUT (there is always a "but") are you sure of this^^^?

For 20+ years I have worked and taken care of the bills, house, etc but now I am not so sure I have been a "good husband". It depends on how you define "good husband". Let your wife define what is her version of a good husband. Until now, I have been MY version of a good husband. 

So rather than find my needs elsewhere, and I have been very tempted, I decided this year to fix my marriage. I just read the TAM recommended book "The 5 Love Languages" and discovered that my W values Quality Time (=Love) above all else. Not my very good paycheck or me paying bills or cleaning the gutters. My W wants me to spend time with her. Took me 20+ years to understand that. Pathetic on my part. (There is a free 5LL app in your app store that you can use to get a jump start on this)

So I vowed to wife and myself to be not a "good husband" but a BETTER husband. If your wife values Quality Time and your job keeps you from providing that, you have big problem.


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## thummper

Not meaning to be too cynical here, but perhaps this could be expected when an attractive wife takes a job working with a bunch of horny old men. I think she's really enjoying the attention, but I doubt anything untoward will happen...at least I HOPE nothing happens.


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## MarriedDude

thummper said:


> Not meaning to be too cynical here, but perhaps this could be expected when an attractive wife takes a job working with a bunch of horny old men. I think she's really enjoying the attention, *but I doubt anything untoward will happen*...at least I HOPE nothing happens.


Because she is a special little snowflake that would never ever do such a thing?

The reality is -OP....appearance is everything -in the world today appearance is truth...regardless of facts...regardless of anything else. It may not be right...it may not be fair -it just IS. 

For you to allow this situation to continue -you appear WEAK. The guys she is with...dollars to donuts -she no doubt has been told that if she was "his" girl...she would never be left alone. 

sadly -but most likely true....you have already lost a battle you didn't know you were in the middle of. So...it's up to you -keep losing battles -or win the war. Pro Tip....the war is not for your wife. It's for your self-respect


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## TDSC60

Absolutely get a Facebook account.

If my wife were doing this I would HAVE to find out who is looking at these pictures.


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## beatricecat

First off, snooping on her page, while you did find some stuff that concerned you, is a big breach of trust. If you're that concerned about the contents of her page, add her, but don't go behind her back because she's not going to like that. 

I hang out with lots of guys and I go to a lot of car shows all dolled up. But before our separation, I always first off invite my husband, and if he declined, I would let him know where I was going, who I was hanging out with, and if I was crashing at a friend's house I would always let him know, and I would always stay with one of my friends he had met before. However I used to have a boyfriend who would go through my social media pages, and even tried to set up a fake account to try to trick me into cheating on him. He would constantly bombard me with threatening emails about my pictures, and I felt trapped. I was so afraid to even talk about my friends to him because each time I made a new friend, it turned into an argument, which turned into another threat to ruin my life, which turned into me just not having a life all together.

If you're concerned about this you do need to say something, I would first add her on your own facebook page, then have a discussion with her after you were on her facebook. And if you have that discussuion I wouldn't accuse her of anything, I would just let her know you feel a bit uncomfortable about the situation, and ask her to maybe make some changes to how she dresses, or to check in with you. But if she has a problem with you adding her facebook page, or if she has a problem after you have a discussion about it with her, then maybe I would be concerned about something else going on.


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## turnera

Bryan1181 said:


> I don't have a facebook account.


Time to fix that.

And a perfect time for the Come to Jesus moment. Watch for her reaction when you sit down next to her, say "Honey, I'm setting up my FB account, right now. I'm friending you. Friend me back." And watch her backtrack to keep you from doing that.

But before you do that, go in the dresser and pull out one of the skimpier outfits she's filmed herself in, and have it in your pocket (apparently, it will fit in a pocket...). When she tries to backtrack, gives you an excuse why she can't friend you, just pull them out and say 'What? You don't want me to see you in all the pictures of you playing pool in this with a dozen guys and a ton of alcohol?'

THEN have the serious talk - them or me.

One question, though - I assume no kids, so...why isn't she traveling WITH you?


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## turnera

thummper said:


> Not meaning to be too cynical here, but perhaps this could be expected when an attractive wife takes a job working with a bunch of horny old men. I think she's really enjoying the attention, but I doubt anything untoward will happen...at least I HOPE nothing happens.


If she weren't wearing a bikini, I might agree with you.


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## PhillyGuy13

beatricecat said:


> First off, snooping on her page, while you did find some stuff that concerned you, is a big breach of trust. If you're that concerned about the contents of her page, add her, but don't go behind her back because she's not going to like that.


with all due respect, Facebook is an online social networking platform accessed by millions (billions?) across the world. Because OP is one of the few who doesn't at least have some kind of access to Facebook, I wouldn't quantify what he pokes around and finds as snooping. If the rest of the world can see it, it's not snooping.

"But her account could be set as private". True. And therefore only a circle of people who have access to her pics and post could see them. And then forward them to wherever and whomever.

When it comes to social media there is no such thing as privacy or snooping.

I agree with you that he needs an account of his own. To help monitor her behavior.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beatricecat

PhillyGuy13 said:


> with all due respect, Facebook is an online social networking platform accessed by millions (billions?) across the world. Because OP is one of the few who doesn't at least have some kind of access to Facebook, I wouldn't quantify what he pokes around and finds as snooping. If the rest of the world can see it, it's not snooping.
> 
> "But her account could be set as private". True. And therefore only a circle of people who have access to her pics and post could see them. And then forward them to wherever and whomever.
> 
> When it comes to social media there is no such thing as privacy or snooping.
> 
> I agree with you that he needs an account of his own. To help monitor her behavior.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right, and that is true, but he said her Facebook page was left up and he got curious and that's the only reason he saw everything he did.

If my husband or I borrow each other's computers and one of our facebook pages is pulled up, we exit the page. And if my husband did that to me, I would be pissed. I have absolutely nothing to hide from him, we're friends on facebook, and all my posts are public, but I would still be pissed.


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## ConanHub

beatricecat said:


> First off, snooping on her page, while you did find some stuff that concerned you, is a big breach of trust. If you're that concerned about the contents of her page, add her, but don't go behind her back because she's not going to like that.
> 
> I hang out with lots of guys and I go to a lot of car shows all dolled up. But before our separation, I always first off invite my husband, and if he declined, I would let him know where I was going, who I was hanging out with, and if I was crashing at a friend's house I would always let him know, and I would always stay with one of my friends he had met before. However I used to have a boyfriend who would go through my social media pages, and even tried to set up a fake account to try to trick me into cheating on him. He would constantly bombard me with threatening emails about my pictures, and I felt trapped. I was so afraid to even talk about my friends to him because each time I made a new friend, it turned into an argument, which turned into another threat to ruin my life, which turned into me just not having a life all together.
> 
> If you're concerned about this you do need to say something, I would first add her on your own facebook page, then have a discussion with her after you were on her facebook. And if you have that discussuion I wouldn't accuse her of anything, I would just let her know you feel a bit uncomfortable about the situation, and ask her to maybe make some changes to how she dresses, or to check in with you. But if she has a problem with you adding her facebook page, or if she has a problem after you have a discussion about it with her, then maybe I would be concerned about something else going on.


Did you stay overnight at a male friends house?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub

beatricecat said:


> Right, and that is true, but he said her Facebook page was left up and he got curious and that's the only reason he saw everything he did.
> 
> If my husband or I borrow each other's computers and one of our facebook pages is pulled up, we exit the page. And if my husband did that to me, I would be pissed. I have absolutely nothing to hide from him, we're friends on facebook, and all my posts are public, but I would still be pissed.


That is kinda strange.

My wife and I view everything we have, FB phones, etc.

Our only privacy from each other is toilet time and sometimes not even then! LOL!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13

I can see if he was poking around saved files (without cause) but Facebook is different.

It doesn't feel like we've heard from OP so not sure if he is still around or what he will do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## beatricecat

ConanHub said:


> That is kinda strange.
> 
> My wife and I view everything we have, FB phones, etc.
> 
> Our only privacy from each other is toilet time and sometimes not even then! LOL!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lol my husband and I are currently separated, there is no infidelity there are just other reasons. So I've got plenty of time to myself. But we do give each other privacy even when we're living together. Like I was saying, I have nothing to hide from him, so if he were to be sitting right next to me, I would have no issue at all going through my facebook or anything else for that matter or care if he read anything. The biggest thing would just be if he went on my computer and snooped behind my back.

Even when I was worried that he was cheating on me because of how emotionally distant he was, I never snooped around on his computer behind his back, even though I could have very easily done so.


----------



## badmemory

beatricecat said:


> First off, snooping on her page, while you did find some stuff that concerned you, is a big breach of trust. If you're that concerned about the contents of her page, add her, but don't go behind her back because she's not going to like that.
> 
> I hang out with lots of guys and I go to a lot of car shows all dolled up.


Did you also happen to go to neighbors' houses where _as time went on, there were fewer females involved in the activities; where your outfits got skimpier and more revealing; where your bikini became your attire for backyard barbecues and shooting pool, in some unknown person's garage - while your "husband" was out of town_?

OP, keep snooping. What you found was reason enough to justify it - if you can even call looking on her FB page snooping. If your wife isn't doing anything wrong she needn't be offended.


----------



## ConanHub

beatricecat said:


> Lol my husband and I are currently separated, there is no infidelity there are just other reasons. So I've got plenty of time to myself. But we do give each other privacy even when we're living together. Like I was saying, I have nothing to hide from him, so if he were to be sitting right next to me, I would have no issue at all going through my facebook or anything else for that matter or care if he read anything. The biggest thing would just be if he went on my computer and snooped behind my back.
> 
> Even when I was worried that he was cheating on me because of how emotionally distant he was, I never snooped around on his computer behind his back, even though I could have very easily done so.


I hear you but if Mrs. Conan started acting like OP's wife, I would investigate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## beatricecat

ConanHub said:


> I hear you but if Mrs. Conan started acting like OP's wife, I would investigate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not saying that it isn't worth looking into, I'm just saying there are better ways to go about it.


----------



## turnera

Like what?


----------



## Bryan1181

Let me clear something up, her Facebook feed has only that one picture of her in a bikini, but it links back to her friends photo album. I am planing to get an account but not sure if I will be able to see her friends albums. Also, on her FB feed was a picture of her shooting pool which was a close up of her face and pool stick. When I clicked on it I found it was from Instagram and when I followed the link I saw what she was wearing. So most of the revealing photos where not on FB, but had to dig and saw them on flickr and Instagram.


----------



## Bryan1181

thummper said:


> Not meaning to be too cynical here, but perhaps this could be expected when an attractive wife takes a job working with a bunch of horny old men. I think she's really enjoying the attention, but I doubt anything untoward will happen...at least I HOPE nothing happens.


That is what I am hoping to.. I have not confronted her YET, but still am digging and may take some advise from other about using a VAR and such.


----------



## Bryan1181

The problem is it appears she has been telling me half-truths...activities with mix company became mostly middle aged men. Yes, we talk and text and she tells me about going to the movies, dinner, swimming, etc, but some pictures I have seen paint different story. Example, she told me about a Halloween party and was going to dress up as Alice from Alice in Wonderland with some friends dressing up like similar characters, but from some pictures I found she wore a french maid costume (very revealing) and saw her pose with people dressed like Freddy and Jason and such.


----------



## Bryan1181

turnera said:


> One question, though - I assume no kids, so...why isn't she traveling WITH you?


I travel for work, they wont pay for her air fair and such...


----------



## 225985

Do you travel to places that your wife would like to visit? Have you even just once invited her on a trip with you, with you paying her airfare?


----------



## Sparta

Hey OP I just got done reading your thread., first off I'm sorry that you're here, but under these conditions glad you are. After what I just read yeah you've got some concerns that you need to deal with. I know it sucks but don't have any notions that this will quit if I just look the other way. You need to come to terms with your wife's infidelity, you have to take some action. Just remember she lying to you in anyway. Just mentioned about her telling you what she was going to wear to the Halloween party. Isn't it scary how easy it is for your wife to lie to you, your wife is a liar and for a cheater that is what they do they lie. They lie about everything so that's why you do not confront her and tell you have proof. 

Ok so your guts in knots, you're saying to yourself I can't believe she's doing this or she might be capable of doing this. You really do have to listen to what the good people of TAM have to say, they're gone through your pain or are going through it right now. You need to get a VAR (digital voice recorder), you need to get at least two of them, Amazon has them Sony PX-333 $40 something, place it in her car under her seat with Velcro and you got to make sure it's attached good you don't want her finding it. The other VAR somewhere in the house you she likes to sit and take her calls. Do all the other things suggested from other members. When you're doing this keep posting on here because will guide you through it. We're here to help you buddy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## naiveonedave

1/2 truths are the easiest lies to maintain and for someone else to believe.


----------



## ReidWright

Bryan1181 said:


> The problem is it appears she has been telling me half-truths...activities with mix company became mostly middle aged men. Yes, we talk and text and she tells me about going to the movies, dinner, swimming, etc, but some pictures I have seen paint different story. Example, she told me about a Halloween party and was going to dress up as Alice from Alice in Wonderland with some friends dressing up like similar characters, but from some pictures I found she wore a french maid costume (very revealing) and saw her pose with people dressed like Freddy and Jason and such.


hmm...sounds like a full lie to me!

sure, nowadays female halloween costumes are revealing, but a 'french maid' outfit has never been innocent. It is ALWAYS meant to be sexy and draw attention.


----------



## bryanp

She is giving you half truths to manipulate you.
She goes out to movies with men? Come on get real.
If you think your wife is not cheating on you then I
have bridge to see you.

Get tested for STDS.
See an attorney to understand your options.


----------



## OldWolf57

Let me get this out 1st.

DON'T give a damn if my wife get pissed if I looked.
She should be proud I care enough to look.
If she is pissed, she better keep it to herself !!!
Getting pissed and saying something to me, would set off my BS radar.

Now B, you know she is hiding stuff, so do as the most are saying.

Yes it's time to go James Bond !!

I would want to go to the house with the pool table to see if he has a pool also..
If not, why is she in the bikini.


----------



## OldWolf57

How many family members have access to those albums??
None I bet.
Or you would have been informed.


----------



## SnowToArmPits

Bryan1181 said:


> The problem is it appears she has been telling me half-truths...activities with mix company became mostly middle aged men.


Hire a PI to watch her the next time you're gone. The PI will give you the full truth.

You're in a tough spot trying to maintain a healthy marriage when you travel a lot. Sorry you're here man.


----------



## tom67

Next trip you go on have vars set up in the house and car or if you have more $$$ to spend hire a PI.
Otherwise this will drive you nuts.

PIs are expensive maybe you can contact some good friends to drive by and see if there is a car that shouldn't be there ect.


----------



## 225985

She did tell OP about the party ahead of time without hiding it. She did say she was "going to dress up" (not went) as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Perhaps when she went to get the costume it was sold out or did not fit. OP at least should shown SOME interest in what she was doing and asked her to send him some pictures of her dressed up. Yes, she did not volunteer the pics but he did not ask either.

I would assume by now OP has already joined FB, has friended his wife and has already posted comments on her timeline.


----------



## OldWolf57

You would think she would send him pics anyway. Saying something like "thinking of you."


----------



## OldWolf57

OR, she knew he wouldn't see them.
After all, he had to dig and find them.

If it looks like a duck, walk like a duck, and quack like a duck,,, guess what ??

It's a f#cking duck.

People complicate simple thing, trying to be so modern. Even when it's staring them in the face.

Fact, she hiding things and lying.


----------



## OldWolf57

A wife that wants to stay connected to her away hubby, would WANT to send him pics if she is having fun.


----------



## OldWolf57

B, if you get an account on Fb and those albums pics disappear, don't say anything.

Just file and let her prove she hasn't cheated, with a polygraph.

I say that, because this is just to open around the job, so everyone knows.
It's either 1 or more guys dude, you can bet on that.
She either has a work hubby or a bunch of work husbands, depending who's in her favor that week.


----------



## Decorum

blueinbr said:


> She did tell OP about the party ahead of time without hiding it. She did say she was "going to dress up" (not went) as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Perhaps when she went to get the costume it was sold out or did not fit. OP at least should shown SOME interest in what she was doing and asked her to send him some pictures of her dressed up. Yes, she did not volunteer the pics but he did not ask either.
> 
> I would assume by now OP has already joined FB, has friended his wife and has already posted comments on her timeline.


Wait wait I didnt know we were playing find a plasuable excuse for somthing that looks really bad.

I got one,

Maybe she was volunterring teaching young children how to swim at the "Y" and she got a invite to play pool while there and its all she had to wear!!


Or or or maybe this,

She got an invite for pool and thought it was a swimming pool?

"Hey while you are here in that hot bikini bend over ther table with that long hard pool que and I"ll take a close up instigram"

You should have seen the one george got from the back side, wink wink.

Dont worry sweetheart your husband wont see them they self destruct!

It's all in good fun.

Yep if it were me I could sleep much better knowing there is a possible explination for this.

Oh and I have an even better one for the french made costume!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

Btw op men in their 50's can pull 20 somethings, dont think for a second it aint so!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Decorum

This is the point (while you are collecting evidence) where you should begin to think about renewing your marriage and being the best option for your wife. That is the kind of leadership a husband needs to do.

If there has been no actual infidelity then a confrontation alone is only half a solution.

This may only be an immature attempt on her part to meet her needs.

Its possible she is bringing some of her fantasy life into her daily life to fill a void. Just some stimulation. A sort of sublimation.

There are more healthy ways for her to deal with this.

Op I think you want to heal not harm here, thats what I get from your posts.

Do the var and stuff but its not to early to begin to work on the relationship.

Dont tell her why, just let her kkow how important she is to you and make some changes.

It will mean a lot and more so if not tied to her issues (should there prove to be any).

We can talk about what you can do.
@Tunera is a great resource for these type of things and brings a needed females perspective that is valuable as well.

I really do wish you both well.
Take care
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45

Decorum said:


> This is the point (while you are collecting evidence) where you should begin to think about renewing your marriage and being the best option for your wife. That is the kind of leadership a husband needs to do.
> 
> If there has been no actual infidelity then a confrontation alone is only half a solution.
> 
> This may only be an immature attempt on her part to meet her needs.
> 
> Its possible she is bringing some of her fantasy life into her daily life to fill a void. Just some stimulation. A sort of sublimation.
> 
> There are more healthy ways for her to deal with this.
> 
> Op I think you want to heal not harm here, thats what I get from your posts.
> 
> Do the var and stuff but its not to early to begin to work on the relationship.
> 
> Dont tell her why, just let her kkow how important she is to you and make some changes.
> 
> It will mean a lot and more so if not tied to her issues (should there prove to be any).
> 
> We can talk about what you can do.
> @Tunera is a great resource for these type of things and brings a needed females perspective that is valuable as well.
> 
> I really do wish you both well.
> Take care
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Great ideas. 

I think he should buy her a new, larger wedding ring too... At least a 2 carot rock. And while he's at it, maybe set her up for monthly makeovers at a resort spa, with massage and mud packs? And as icing on the cake, why not a $1,000 a month clothing/salon allowance as trade for her to not go out to parties with other men dressed like a Tijuana hooker? I think that's a fair trade.

Reward someone for doing what they were supposed to be doing per their marriage vows to begin with. I'm loving this idea.


----------



## Chaparral

Before you friend her on facebook see if you can see her pages without friending her. It depends on her privacy settings. if you can see her pictures without her knowing it it might be more revealing.

Same for her friends.


----------



## Thor

Friending one of her friends may open up her page to view. Privacy settings are "Friends Only", "Friends and Friends of Friends", or "Anybody". You do have to have a FB account to see anyone's page at all. Once you have your FB page, see if you can find her with a name search. You should be able to unless she has locked down her privacy totally. Assuming you can find her, you can click on her name and see what is on her page. If she has set it to "Friends of Friends" or "Anybody", you can generally see what is there.

However, individual posts, photos, and videos can be set to additional privacy. She could set one of her photo albums as "Nobody", or "Only Friends". She can set up groups, such as "Family" or "Work Friends" and add people she wants to those groups. Then she could set privacy to "Only Family" or "Only Work Friends".

Which means even if you can see her page without friending her, there may be stuff there you can't see.

The next step is to friend one of her friends. There are two strategies here. One is to create your FB profile using a false name. Then look at her page and see who her friends are. If one of them has well over 100 friends she is probably not very careful about who she friends. So send that person a friend request and she'll probably approve you. Now you are a "Friend of a Friend" to your wife, and you can see anything she has set privacy to as"Friend of Friend".

The second strategy is to use your real identity on your FB profile, and then friend one of her friends. This is fairly safe except for her closer friends or the guys at work. You could also friend her mother or a sibling. Pick someone who you don't think will go to your wife and remark about you being on FB finally.

Also look at all the photos on your wife's friends' FB pages. They may have posted something your wife has not put on her own page.

Finally, once you've done all that you can consider friending your wife. Once she accepts your friend request you can choose to tag her as your wife, which will then show on her information when someone looks at her page. That might be an interesting experiment. Once she is your friend, you can see anything on her FB page which she has restricted to "Friends Only", "Friends of Friends" or looser. You still won't see stuff for groups you're not in or that is set to "Nobody", but if she isn't sophisticated with FB she may not do the groups thing.


----------



## Decorum

bandit.45 said:


> Great ideas.
> 
> I think he should buy her a new, larger wedding ring too... At least a 2 carot rock. And while he's at it, maybe set her up for monthly makeovers at a resort spa, with massage and mud packs? And as icing on the cake, why not a $1,000 a month clothing/salon allowance as trade for her to not go out to parties with other men dressed like a Tijuana hooker? I think that's a fair trade.
> 
> Reward someone for doing what they were supposed to be doing per their marriage vows to begin with. I'm loving this idea.


Shortsighted!

If there has been no infidelity and she is in some attention seeking stage then it is best to get out in front by showing a willingness to work on the relationship.

It's clear to me this op is going to try to save this, if so this is the best time and way to lay a foundation for growth and healing.

Characterize this any way you want big boy, the op would be wise to make a two pronged approach here, and (if I may say so myself) he is more likely to listen to my advice than your ridicule. You're still a legend to me btw. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TaDor

Bryan1181 said:


> The problem is it appears she has been telling me half-truths...~ Example, she told me about a Halloween party and was going to dress up as Alice from Alice in Wonderland with some friends dressing up like similar characters, but from some pictures I found she wore a french maid costume (very revealing) and saw her pose with people dressed like Freddy and Jason and such.


If she can tell little half-truths about about a Halloween costume, then she sure as hell isn't going to tell you that she's having sex with other people, right?

As stated, french maid outfits *IS* about sexuality. Those *ARE* are co-workers. Not friends or family! You do know that its easy to have sex with panties on, right? And especially if its several co-workers hanging out with her - then its likely she's having fun with ALL of them. But who knows? Having a spy-program (that can't be found) on her phone will give you more info than a VAR (which you should still have) since in todays world - people text more than talk.

Other reason for the VAR is that when you confront her, you have one of them in your pocket (make sure the recording light can't be seen) and you can record the conversation, ask her questions and get her answers and reactions on a recording. Also, you may forget some parts of what was said between the two of you because of the emotional situation.

Now *I* do like my wife looking sexy, and I do go out to dance clubs with her dressed like this sometimes (without the ears - below) and usually with a thong - but it has to be with the both of us. (BTW, my wife avg weight is 102lbs or so, which means she looks yummy dressed that way)

Think its revealing?









Would it be okay for anyone's wife to be dressed that way with "co-workers"?

I have an important question. WHY were YOU not at the Halloween party with her? 
Halloween parties are for children and adults who want to be naughty. Hence, teenagers don't have much to do with it, until they become adults and use it as an excuse to have fantasies.


----------



## TaDor

Thor said:


> Finally, once you've done all that you can consider friending your wife. Once she accepts your friend request you can choose to tag her as your wife, which will then show on her information when someone looks at her page. That might be an interesting experiment. Once she is your friend, you can see anything on her FB page which she has restricted to "Friends Only", "Friends of Friends" or looser. You still won't see stuff for groups you're not in or that is set to "Nobody", but if she isn't sophisticated with FB she may not do the groups thing.


ALSO, before and just after you have friend-ed her, check her ABOUT information and see if her "family info" is public and the status.

Does it say Single, complicated or married? Then after you friend her, that info may become available... check the status again. You can state "married" without being linked to anyone. 

But DON'T do a marriage link to her right away... wait a few days or so and then send the MARRIED status to her "honey, I found this cool feature...". She should offer to link you as her husband rather quickly, like the same day - when you friend her.


----------



## Graywolf2

Bryan1181 said:


> The problem is it appears she has been telling me half-truths...activities with mix company became mostly middle aged men.


Don’t discount middle aged men and old farts. There is an old saying that women give sex for attention and men give attention for sex. Old men are able to give more attention than you can imagine in order to get into a young girls pants.



Bryan1181 said:


> That is what shocked me, because when I am home everything is normal. We do everything together and our romance is the same. When I am traveling we talk about an hour a day on average and we text. I would have no clue anything was wrong if I did not happen to look at her facebook.


Your wife likes you just fine and plans to grow old with you. Why shouldn’t she treat you nice when you’re home? She might even treat you a little nicer when you’re home to compensate for the fun she’s having when you’re not.


----------



## alte Dame

She needs to quit this job. If she can't act like a respectable married woman, then she can't work there. Period.

In my opinion, you should copy the photos and sit her down with them & tell her that no wife of yours does what she is doing. You can snoop to find out if it goes deeper, but, frankly, the behavior that is evident from the pictures is already enough for me to confront with an ultimatum. If she wants the ego boost of being the whole shop's plaything, then she can do that as a single woman.


----------



## 225985

Many of the posts are mentioning VARs or that W needs to quit her job, but I propose that maybe H needs to quit HIS job. In the initial post OP says that he is gone weeks or possibly months at a time. So, how many of you that still have sex with your spouse would be happy if the spouse said that they will be gone until April or May of this year? During that time, no physical touch, no sex, no shared dinners in the evening, no date nights, no cuddling, not even sharing pictures via FB. Then, after being physically together for little while, they are gone again for months repeatedly. Yes, there are many people who have this type of work arrangement that do not cheat on their spouse. But maybe this arrangement just does not work for this W and the coworkers are filling a void left by the OP. 

OP should be thinking what is more important to him - his job or his marriage.


----------



## happyman64

No one should quit their job, especially in this economy.

She either acts like a mature, loyal spouse or she does not.

The OP needs to investigate quietly. He needs to determine just what his wife's game is.

She is being deceitful and needs to be called on it but before that he needs to find out just why she is lying.

Be smart, be cool and calm.

Get the answers you need to confront your wife properly.

And keep your job. You probably are the breadwinner.

I traveled extensively for years as did my wife. She was always loyal and honest.

You deserve the same.

HM


----------



## alte Dame

I don't agree that she shouldn't find another job. The genie is out of the bottle with her behavior in her current job and it will be impossible for her coworkers to unsee and unknow what they have seen and know about her. Suddenly acting like a reasonable married woman at this point will not make the men she works with suddenly believe she's a different type of woman.


----------



## 225985

happyman64 said:


> I traveled extensively for years as did my wife. She was always loyal and honest.


Glad it worked for you and W, but your situation is not the same. In your case both of you traveled. Both of you had interactions with people through work and found a sense of self-worth. In OP's case, he travels and she stays home. Did his wife start working for the money or just so that she gets some human interaction? IMO she is making a new life for herself because he just is not physically present. Yes, he is out making money but there is much more to being a good husband than the paycheck. 

Agree that he should not just quit but he should consider changing jobs so that he can spend more time with his wife. And maybe his next job is slightly lower paying and they will have to cut back on some things, but they will get much more in return with a more loving marriage.

Right now, OP has no trust in his wife, and all this talk about VARs and standard infidelity checks are really are no way to live. 

I would hope that the next time OP goes back home he has a deep discussion with his wife about the whole being away for months situation, not just jump in with accusations about the french maid costume.


----------



## OldWolf57

NO !!! You don't say a word until you investigate.

Don't fall for that crap.
Cheaters lie. She has been lying !!!


----------



## OldWolf57

She lost the benefit of doubt when she DIDN'T tell you about being around them undressed !!!


----------



## *Deidre*

Um, if someone wants to cheat...someone will cheat...whether you have a job that takes you away from home or not. If you have to be at your wife's side constantly to guarantee that she won't be dressing to attract men...what do you really have? Not saying your marriage is doomed...but this is a test of sorts, it seems. Your job location doesn't seem to be the issue, I just believe that your marriage has never been tested, because she didn't have a job with mainly men, it sounds like. Coupled with you being away, it is a recipe for what has been happening here. That is actually the problem...her new job, not yours. And how she is dealing with her new job, actually ...more than anything. Many women stay faithful to their men in the military, for example. Many don't...but many do. Your job isn't the problem, your wife's desire for male attention if it's there, when you're not around...might be more of the problem. (my opinion as an objective observer here) I hope you both find a way to get to the heart of the matter.


----------



## happyman64

You guys are too narrow minded and can't see straight.

No one should quit their jobs "at this time".

The OP needs to determine what the hell is going in.

Having her quit before he has any true facts will just allow her to cover her tracks if in fact she is cheating.

I agree she will have to leave her job but not now.

I agree she will have to stop wearing bikinis and sexy Halloween costumes to work or after work functions.

The OP needs to get the facts first.

Then he can take the proper course of action because all he knows right now is his wife is acting/dressing improper with her work buddies and is lying to him........

HM


----------



## Chaparral

Still, just like many jobs have way higher rates of infidelity, so do marriages where traveling away from home have much higher rates of infidelity.

If you travel, marry a teacher, a nurse, a doctor etc. the odds are much higher infidelity will rear its ugly head. Also, the more contact one has with the public the more likely one is to cheat.

Being gone for a lot of the year leaves too many openings for a player or just a jerk to keep putting bugs in her ear, telling her all men cheat that travel and concentrate her thoughts on your real faults and made up faults.


----------



## MattMatt

Any sexy costumes are for home. For both of you.

She could be Tinkerbell and you, Captain Hook. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Divinely Favored

Bryan1181 said:


> Let me clear something up, her Facebook feed has only that one picture of her in a bikini, but it links back to her friends photo album. I am planing to get an account but not sure if I will be able to see her friends albums. Also, on her FB feed was a picture of her shooting pool which was a close up of her face and pool stick. When I clicked on it I found it was from Instagram and when I followed the link I saw what she was wearing. So most of the revealing photos where not on FB, but had to dig and saw them on flickr and Instagram.


I would save copies and the url of these photos.


----------



## Divinely Favored

I do not see why a married couple has separate FB accounts. You should have a joint account. John Jane Smith simple enough, both know log in. We do not add anyone else unless both agree. No way in he'll would wife be going to pool parties with a bunch of horny guys, especially dressed like a call girl. I'm one who might need a poly to prove there has been no hanky panky with the fact she is that comfortable to dress like that around the coworkers. Very inappropriate in my book.


Wonder how many women would be ok with hubby going to party with a bunch of cougers and him in only a Speedo?


----------



## TaDor

Well... My wife and I had FB accounts before we meet. Each with their own history and set of friends. My wife posts things that reflect her, not me. We tag each other, we follow each other, etc. We have lots of mutual friends, but plenty that don't know each other.

Each their own.


----------



## eric1

Married couples who share Facebook accounts are just plain weird.

70% of my friends my wife has no personal relationship with (growing up, college, work buddies, etc). Why would she even want to see them, and likewise why would I want to see hers? 90% of her feed are the self-centered ramblings of her college friends. Including the weird anti-vaccine college roommate who posts about vaccines no less than 20 times a day


----------



## FeministInPink

TaDor said:


> Well... My wife and I had FB accounts before we meet. Each with their own history and set of friends. My wife posts things that reflect her, not me. We tag each other, we follow each other, etc. We have lots of mutual friends, but plenty that don't know each other.
> 
> Each their own.


I don't know of any married couples/friends who share a Facebook account, unless they're like my parents, who share an email account. Because my dad has no idea how to use a computer, except to buy Fiat parts on Ebay. And they still don't SHARE a Facebook account. My mom has one, my dad doesn't.

When I was married, both of us had a FB account, and it was pretty much like your experience, @TaDor. 

You don't stop having two distinct personalities and histories when you get married. Sure, my partner will be All. Over. my Facebook page, and I his--but we're not the same person.


----------



## JohnA

Hi Byran, 

Your on a roller coaster and you are going insane wondering. Been there, done that as every BS here has. So accept you will hate yourself for not doing or saying something. Accept it, put it in context of the entire event, review how to apply the lesson to other possible problems that may or may not occur and then just let it go. Do not beat yourself up over it.


Not confronting now, and digging for additional info is your wisest decision yet. Hold to it. Confronting now, if she is guilty, only warns her to take it underground, discover new means to do so and starts her thinking about possible cheating scripts just in case.


----------



## 225985

happyman64 said:


> The OP needs to determine what the hell is going in. The OP needs to get the facts first.


How? Seems like OP is not even around to do that. 

I can't understand how any guy, when he starts seeing pictures of wife behaving inappropriately, does not immediately confront the wife. (You can switch the genders, same thing.) Many problems can be solved quickly when they are addressed right at the start.


----------



## eastsidefarm

I agree with confronting her, but I disagree with "no male friends". As women, we are different than men. We really can separate friendships from sexual attraction. Neither way is a negative, it's just how men and women are genetically wired. I have more than a few male friends who I care about, but ONLY as a friend. However, the outfits are a sign of a red flag. Whether she's looking to go farther or not, she's definitely looking for attention, which can be a sign of insecurity. If you tell her it bothers you and would be happier if she wore less revealing clothes when she's around these men and you're not there, I'd think she wouldn't have a problem with that. I'm not saying you should dictate what she wears or how she dresses. But if something a partner is doing is upsetting to the other partner, and care about their feelings, (also if it's a legitimate request), we shouldn't have a problem with it.


----------



## Rubicon

> but I disagree with "no male friends". As women, we are different than men.



LOLOLOL, my sides are splitting here.. LOLOLOLOL

Ever been a MAN? Then I guess you have no idea what you are talking about huh?

We are however all human and in that we tend to share a LOT of traits. so many in fact that you are better served to have to DISPROVE an assumption that we are same if you want to make claims we are different. What evidence do you have?

PEOPLE cheat. PEOPLE are more of less prone to it depending on a variety of factors. PROXIMITY and OPPORTUNITY are two. Morals are another.

Now, she has made it clear she has a blurred line on morals. Married women with proper morals do not go scantily clad off to parties with groups of males while their husbands are out of town and then don't tell him about it.

So there, she has been inappropriate with male friends. done deal. 

Time to remove proximity and opportunity because the moral part is clearly broken.

Why don't you tell me how these male friends do anything positive for this situation at all.. in any way... ever..

Sure you think you have married friends you care about and would never have an affair with (well maybe, I have no way of knowing, please remind me, are you a BS or a WW) But I'm here to clearly state that these guys are orbiting. Waiting for you to give the go signal and if you are not aware of that you are simply naïve at best or willfully ignorant at worst.

The bottom line is that this woman is pursuing inappropriate relationships with multiple males. If the OP wants it to stop he need to do something about it. NOT expect her to.

That's why I think Blueinbr is spot on.

A person CAN and SHOULD dictate and control things in their life. You cannot control what your wife wears but you can express yourself and if ignored you CAN take actions to protect your boundaries.

I would never force someone to wear something or not wear something but I can tell you clearly no wife or girlfriend of mine is ever going to dress up like a Slvt and go hang with the boys, ever..... Because the second it happens she is no longer my wife or GF.

I will not try to dictate or control her behaviour directly but you can bet my potential reaction gives her pause before she makes a bad choice. The same goes the other way. If I love her, then I'm not going to do things that might cause her to leave me. There is a "How would she feel" filter in the front of my head for just this purpose. 

She didn't put it there. I DID. 

Because she matters.

The OP's wife better decide if he matters. 

And again, This is all a foolish waste of time. She is either on her way to an affair or already there and pretending that there is NO WAY AT ALL to change the circumstances that are creating the problem then you get what you deserve. 

Either stop the travel or get her coming along on every trip or this will never go away.

Economy sucks, jobs are hard to find. So are marriages. You have to either get rid of the job or the marriage. Not a choice I envy but if you don't choose this just drags out forever.


----------



## 225985

Rubicon said:


> She is either on her way to an affair or already there and pretending that there is NO WAY AT ALL to change the circumstances that are creating the problem then you get what you deserve.
> 
> Either stop the travel or get her coming along on every trip or this will never go away.


This ^^^ I agree.

FWIW, IMO Women might better able separate male friendships from sexual attraction, but as a guy men mostly do not separate female friendships from sexual attraction.


----------



## italianjob

Women THINK they are better at separating friendship from sexual attraction, but it's just not true.

For a lot of women physical attraction often comes as a consequence of being attracted to the person, emotionally and for his personality and conduct.
So actually when a man is a really close friend, more than half of the work is already done.
It's even easier because usually women think they can handle loose boundaries because of the friendship, but they're wrong.
If I had a dollar for every "just friend" that I know that ended up bedding a woman friend, I could retire tomorrow...


----------



## Rubicon

Well, that is a fair comment blue and I'm not completely blind to what you are saying, there is obviously a difference in how men and women view co-ed relationships.

IMO the significant difference is that woman maintains the upper hand because they can be more confident in being successful at seduction than men are. I can't explain why this is but I think we can all agree that women that cheat have for more options and can be more selective than the average guy. 

I think this fact, regardless of the reasoning behind it, however is total disconnected from what happens when someone decides to cheat.

If someone is against cheating, they are not going to cheat, male or female. If they are for it, they will, and again gender does not play a role.

Once the decision to cheat is there then the a woman's ability to carry out the task is much simpler than it is for a man. Now, this is a general statement and may not apply if the two in question are Mama June and Channing Tatum....... But I'm sure you get the point.

I really fail to see how a woman's ability to be more selective somehow means they are less prone to cheat???


----------



## tech-novelist

Rubicon said:


> IMO the significant difference is that woman maintains the upper hand because they can be more confident in being successful at seduction than men are. I can't explain why this is but I think we can all agree that women that cheat have for more options and can be more selective than the average guy.


You can't explain why this is?

Ok, I'll help out. It's because on average, men are hornier than women. Thus, women, on average, have much less trouble finding sex partners who are at least as attractive as they are.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

technovelist said:


> You can't explain why this is?
> 
> Ok, I'll help out. It's because on average, men are hornier than women. Thus, women, on average, have much less trouble finding sex partners who are at least as attractive as they are.


LOL. I think the divorce rate would drop and many marriages would survive longer if we stopped selling this antiquated belief. They are slowly, makes me wonder why, allowing women to research sexuality and research is showing they are just as horny as men.


----------



## tech-novelist

phillybeffandswiss said:


> LOL. I think the divorce rate would drop and many marriages would survive longer if we stopped selling this antiquated belief. They are slowly, makes me wonder why, allowing women to research sexuality and research is showing they are just as horny as men.


Yes, women are just as horny as men.

But the average woman is not horny for the average man, whereas the average man is horny for the average woman.

Thus we have a discrepancy in "sexual market value" that causes the noted phenomenon that it is easier for a woman to get laid by someone at least as attractive as her than it is for a man to get laid by someone at least as attractive as him.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

technovelist said:


> Yes, women are just as horny as men.
> 
> But the average woman is not horny for the average man, whereas the average man is horny for the average woman.
> 
> Thus we have a discrepancy in "sexual market value" that causes the noted phenomenon that it is easier for a woman to get laid by someone at least as attractive as her than it is for a man to get laid by someone at least as attractive as him.


We will disagree all day long, even with your semantics based shift. Last word to you.


----------



## tech-novelist

phillybeffandswiss said:


> We will disagree all day long, even with your semantics based shift. Last word to you.


Thanks.

If an average looking woman walks into a bar and says "Who's DTF?", she will have her pick of several men.

If an average looking guy walks into a bar and says "Who's DTF?", the results will be quite different.

Maybe it shouldn't be that way, but it is.


----------



## italianjob

technovelist said:


> Yes, women are just as horny as men.
> 
> *But the average woman is not horny for the average man, whereas the average man is horny for the average woman.
> *
> Thus we have a discrepancy in "sexual market value" that causes the noted phenomenon that it is easier for a woman to get laid by someone at least as attractive as her than it is for a man to get laid by someone at least as attractive as him.


Actually, IMO the set of "qualities" women find attractive in a man are much wider than the other way around. Physical attractiveness is sure one of them, but not the only one and probably even not the most important one.

On that bolded part, if you ask around, you'll find many attractive women with average men, and even a lot of woman who cheat on their reasonably attractive men with what you would classify as "ugly losers", just ask BHs on CWI, you might be surprised by the quantity of women who actually "affaired down"

The reason for the discrepancy, IMHO, has to do, as much of human sexual behaviors and instincts, with reproduction.

one fertile and healthy woman can, potentially, reproduce, say, 10/11 times in ten years. One fertile and healthy man can, potentially, reproduce about 3500 times in the same time frame.

That means it is extremely easier for a woman to find an available partner for reproduction than it is for a man, so she usually has first choice.

That's also why, IMO, male sexuality is more based on urgency and direct approach, while female arousement needs to be built and nees adequate context.
So man usually find direct approach arousing, while women often find it gross.

And this: 


technovelist said:


> Thanks.
> 
> If an average looking woman walks into a bar and says "Who's DTF?", she will have her pick of several men.
> 
> If an average looking guy walks into a bar and says "Who's DTF?", the results will be quite different.
> 
> Maybe it shouldn't be that way, but it is.


actually demonstrate that, IMO.
In your example is not a matter of attractiveness, but a matter of approach.
If you have a very ugly woman do that, you'll still come up with a couple of guys who will be willing.
If you have an extremely attractive guy do that, you'll still have a hard time finding one woman.
That's because men will find that approach somehow interesting, while women will mostly find it gross and wouldn't touch the man with a pole, attractive or not.


----------



## ConanHub

technovelist said:


> Thanks.
> 
> If an average looking woman walks into a bar and says "Who's DTF?", she will have her pick of several men.
> 
> If an average looking guy walks into a bar and says "Who's DTF?", the results will be quite different.
> 
> Maybe it shouldn't be that way, but it is.


Sigh.

Extremely limited and unrevealing experiment.

Different environment and circumstances and you will find the results reversed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

ConanHub said:


> Sigh.
> 
> Extremely limited and unrevealing experiment.
> 
> Different environment and circumstances and you will find the results reversed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hate to add to this thread jack but it has been studied at length. On average women view about 90% of men as unacceptable. They settle.
On a side note, married women act and dress more provocatively on girls nights out when they are ovulating than single women.
And don't forget, 70% of men AND women admit they would cheat if they knew they wouldn't get caught. One out of three do cheat.


----------



## ConanHub

Chaparral said:


> I hate to add to this thread jack but it has been studied at length. On average women view about 90% of men as unacceptable. They settle.
> On a side note, married women act and dress more provocatively on girls nights out when they are ovulating than single women.
> And don't forget, 70% of men AND women admit they would cheat if they knew they wouldn't get caught. One out of three do cheat.


Other studies contradict.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bluezone

Rubicon said:


> A person CAN and SHOULD dictate and control things in their life. *You cannot control what your wife wears but you can express yourself and if ignored you CAN take actions to protect your boundaries.
> *
> I would never force someone to wear something or not wear something but I can tell you clearly no wife or girlfriend of mine is ever going to dress up like a Slvt and go hang with the boys, ever..... Because the second it happens she is no longer my wife or GF.
> 
> I will not try to dictate or control her behaviour directly but you can bet my potential reaction gives her pause before she makes a bad choice. The same goes the other way. If I love her, then I'm not going to do things that might cause her to leave me. There is a "How would she feel" filter in the front of my head for just this purpose.
> 
> She didn't put it there. I DID.
> 
> Because she matters.
> 
> The OP's wife better decide if he matters.


OP this is great stuff...you need to read it over and over. Rubicon, thank you for this post. It hit the nail on the head for MY situation with my husband and his poor boundaries.


----------



## tech-novelist

italianjob said:


> In your example is not a matter of attractiveness, but a matter of approach.
> If you have a very ugly woman do that, you'll still come up with a couple of guys who will be willing.
> If you have an extremely attractive guy do that, you'll still have a hard time finding one woman.
> That's because men will find that approach somehow interesting, while women will mostly find it gross and wouldn't touch the man with a pole, attractive or not.


Men will find it "somehow interesting" because they may get to screw her.

Women will find it gross because they don't want to screw him.


----------



## BetrayedDad

technovelist said:


> Yes, women are just as horny as men.
> 
> But the average woman is not horny for the average man, whereas the average man is horny for the average woman.
> 
> Thus we have a discrepancy in "sexual market value" that causes the noted phenomenon that it is easier for a woman to get laid by someone at least as attractive as her than it is for a man to get laid by someone at least as attractive as him.


There are several other factors that attribute to this discrepancy.

1) Women can get pregnant, men can't so they have to be more mindful because their is more risk for them.

2) Society biases dictate that men having many partners is a good thing and women have many partners is a bad thing.

3) I know I'm going to get roasted for this one but.... both genders crave sex however by and large men have more of a "need" to get off on a regular basis than women. So they are more willing to have sex to satisfy these urges. 

It's built into the biology of men. If men don't orgasm for a period of time they will actually have wet dreams from his body's NEED to release the semen he has built up. Women can go months or years without an orgasm and, aside from maybe crankiness, I don't know of any biological factors besides mental, driving her to cum like they do for men.


----------



## tech-novelist

BetrayedDad said:


> There are several other factors that attribute to this discrepancy.
> 
> 1) Women can get pregnant, men can't so they have to be more mindful because their is more risk for them.


Correct.



BetrayedDad said:


> 2) Society biases dictate that men having many partners is a good thing and women have many partners is a bad thing.


This is not social bias. It is biology. Men who can attract many women show that they are fitter for reproduction, in an effect called "pre-selection". This is important to women's sexual response because the factors that make men fitter are not as obvious as those that make women fitter (hip-waist ratio, clear skin, etc.). Thus, women unconsciously take cues from other women's behavior. 



BetrayedDad said:


> 3) I know I'm going to get roasted for this one but.... both genders crave sex however by and large men have more of a "need" to get off on a regular basis than women. So they are more willing to have sex to satisfy these urges.
> 
> It's built into the biology of men. If men don't orgasm for a period of time they will actually have wet dreams from his body's NEED to release the semen he has built up. Women can go months or years without an orgasm and, aside from maybe crankiness, I don't know of any biological factors besides mental, driving her to cum like they do for men.


Yep.


----------



## italianjob

technovelist said:


> Men will find it "somehow interesting" because they may get to screw her.
> 
> Women will find it gross because they don't want to screw him.


Not in that environment and situation. Same guy different circumstances they will want him.

It's situational not out of attractiveness.


----------



## Rubicon

I'm with Italianjob on this one. It is clearly the approach that defines the result in Tech's example. 

I also think you could fill a book with just the names of members here who think their wife "Affaired Down"

The things you are claiming to be reasons Tech I am seeing as symptoms. Like women being more selective. To me this has nothing at all to do with "Men are Hornier" but might be a subliminal thing where a lady without even knowing she is doing it, is preserving her body for reproduction. knowing that her body will be unable to reproduce with a better male for at least 9 months if she chooses poorly. Sex can result in a 9 month commitment and a lifetime of motherhood for a woman, not so with a man. None of this I would imagine would actually take place in the frontal cortex but it's got to be there on some level.

Regardless, the reason I made the statement that I couldn't explain it was to avoid the mindless speculation and thread hijack that could result from it, not because I thought someone would come in with pearls of wisdom and enlighten me. At this time, as far as human behaviour and sexuality goes. This has no answer yet. NOBODY on the planet has a definitive answer.


----------



## tech-novelist

Rubicon said:


> I'm with Italianjob on this one. It is clearly the approach that defines the result in Tech's example.
> 
> I also think you could fill a book with just the names of members here who think their wife "Affaired Down"
> 
> The things you are claiming to be reasons Tech I am seeing as symptoms. Like women being more selective. To me this has nothing at all to do with "Men are Hornier" but might be a subliminal thing where a lady without even knowing she is doing it, is preserving her body for reproduction. knowing that her body will be unable to reproduce with a better male for at least 9 months if she chooses poorly. Sex can result in a 9 month commitment and a lifetime of motherhood for a woman, not so with a man. None of this I would imagine would actually take place in the frontal cortex but it's got to be there on some level.


This is quite compatible with what I said. Men are hornier precisely because they didn't have much to lose in the "Time Before Writing", which is when these adaptations were formed, whereas women had a lot to lose in those days. 

Of course these days men have much more to lose than women do, at least in misandrist cultures like the US. But those adaptations haven't adapted yet.



Rubicon said:


> Regardless, the reason I made the statement that I couldn't explain it was to avoid the mindless speculation and thread hijack that could result from it, not because I thought someone would come in with pearls of wisdom and enlighten me. At this time, as far as human behaviour and sexuality goes. This has no answer yet. NOBODY on the planet has a definitive answer.


Yes, they do. You just don't want to accept it.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Is the OP still around?


----------



## Bryan1181

blueinbr said:


> She did tell OP about the party ahead of time without hiding it. She did say she was "going to dress up" (not went) as Alice from Alice in Wonderland. Perhaps when she went to get the costume it was sold out or did not fit. OP at least should shown SOME interest in what she was doing and asked her to send him some pictures of her dressed up. Yes, she did not volunteer the pics but he did not ask either.
> 
> I would assume by now OP has already joined FB, has friended his wife and has already posted comments on her timeline.


Yes, I did join facebook but not have not sent a friend request yet. I want to be able to investigate her and her friends before she knows I am on FB.


----------



## Bryan1181

blueinbr said:


> Do you travel to places that your wife would like to visit? Have you even just once invited her on a trip with you, with you paying her airfare?


We have talk about it before, but I would not have much time to spend with her if she traveled with me. We do travel a lot when I am home.


----------



## Bryan1181

So I do need to find out what is exactly going on. So I plan to stay at a friends house for a week and tell my wife I have another job to do. I want to:
1. Make sure my wife is doing the things she tells/text me she is doing. 
2. Who she is doing the activities with (men, women, or mixed)
I will use my fiend's car to essentially spy on her.


----------



## TaDor

Get binoculars too. GPS her car, so you don't actually have to follow her closely or every moment, get one with real-time GPS, of course.

About other things:
Men who cheat, its mostly for the sex - usually. So when they are caught, they rarely leave their wives/GF. Its about getting his tool "wet".
Women who cheat, its usually for the "emotional" connection - which leads to sex. So when they get caught, they are far more likely to LEAVE the husband.

Hence, IMHO, women tend to be in the affair fog more then men.

For women to get sex from men, strangers even - it takes little effort. Other than being very over-weight or ugly. That is no secret.
But I've gotten sex from women with just a few minutes of talking, or even just asking. "I never had sex with an XYZ race before", so she said "okay, my place"... I said it as a joke, but 10 minutes later we're doing it.


----------



## MachoMcCoy

TaDor said:


> Hence, IMHO, women tend to be in the affair fog more then men.


If your wife were having an "affair" with any these boys, she would have gone to the costume party as a very UNSEXY Cruella DeVille knowing that pictures would be flying around. Then gone and banged her lover all over his apartment. She went as a french maid. The textbook "sexy" costume. 

No, there's no "affair" fog. She loves these boys touching her, druling over her, buying her stuff. It may even get a little racy some times. But anything more than a little tongue followed with "oh, that was NAUGHTY, no more" giggle, giggle, ruins the dynamic.

Sex is cheating. Getting AT ALL "physical" is cheating in her mind. But playing with these boys while you are away is a-OK. No "cheating". Not yet anyways.


----------



## G.J.

Bryan1181 said:


> So I do need to find out what is exactly going on. So I plan to stay at a friends house for a week and tell my wife I have another job to do. I want to:
> 1. Make sure my wife is doing the things she tells/text me she is doing.
> 2. Who she is doing the activities with (men, women, or mixed)
> I will use my fiend's car to essentially spy on her.


Set up a couple of VARs in your house

Will also catch phone calls as a plus


----------



## nursejackie

I respectfully disagree with Macho.

An affair fog can be so thick that she wouldn't care if she was obvious with the costume. She would care more about looking good for her PA partner. Not saying it is physical- just that that wouldn't rule out dressing sexy. If it was at an EA stage then she would want him to see her as a potential sexual partner even if she theoretically hasn't gone that route yet.

I would guess at the very minimum while she is enjoying all the attention from the guys she has one in particular that she has her eyes on.


----------



## 225985

Bryan1181 said:


> Yes, I did join facebook but not have not sent a friend request yet. I want to be able to investigate her and her friends before she knows I am on FB.


Right now, make a list of all her FB Friends. After you friend her, note which "friends" are no longer on her list.


----------



## Sparta

Hey Bryan, be patient remember she's been doing this for a while if she is guilty. Good idea staying at your buddies and using his car good job now you're becoming a PI. You're emotionally attached to her so you have to be patient when discovery indiscretions. Remember you have to gather enough concrete evidence. Cheaters or liars and they are very good at it. Because they use it to manipulate. You need to put a stop that right away during the confrontation. When you go to confront her she will lie that what cheaters do, or minimize what evidence you have there. 

You need to check a thread written by weightlifter; Standard Evidence Gathering. It will help you on your evidence gathering. I'm sure you have heard the term VAR (Voice activated recorders) they will be your best friend in this unfortunate circumstance that you are in. You should get two VAR One for her car and one for or you know she likes to sit in the house and talk on the phone. Cheaters tend to be their worst enemiesbecause there is always someone can because there is always someone they are telling everything to usually a girlfriend who is not a friends of your marriage she's usually the one talk to your wife into doing what she's doing. They also referred to as toxic friends,if you decide to reconcile your marriage these friends will have to be no if and or but i if you decide to reconcile your marriage these friends will have gone. You will find most of the information you will need and weightlifters thread also you can come here we can help you as you. Also you can come here we can help you as you were gathering evidence. Bryan be patient keep your cool when discovery evidence, never give away your source of information when you confront her ever. Oh and let the force be with...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## G.J.

blueinbr said:


> Right now, make a list of all her FB Friends. After you friend her, note which "friends" are no longer her list.


Weightlifter if you haven't got this one add it...very good, first time ive heard this take


----------



## FeministInPink

Bryan1181 said:


> We have talk about it before, but I would not have much time to spend with her if she traveled with me. We do travel a lot when I am home.


It's not necessarily about you having a lot of time to spend with her, it's about the smaller things... sleeping in the same bed consistently (and therefore having sex more consistently), sharing meals (breakfast/dinner), getting ready together in the mornings... those things. Just including her in some of the normal things. As long as you'll physically be somewhere there is "STUFF" to do during the day, like museums, libraries, sightseeing, etc., so she's not BORED all the time, it would HAVE to be better than what's going on now.

Of course, she would have to quit that job with all those hound dogs.


----------



## Thor

Hopefully your buddy isn't the OM.


----------



## MachoMcCoy

There is no "OM". There are a bunch of boys she likes to party with. If you think he's going to bust in and find her in bed with someone, you'll be disappointed.


----------



## G.J.

MachoMcCoy said:


> There is no "OM". There are a bunch of boys she likes to party with. If you think he's going to bust in and find her in bed with someone, you'll be disappointed.


Stranger things have happened.....always expect the unexpected


----------



## 225985

MachoMcCoy said:


> There is no "OM". There are a bunch of boys she likes to party with. If you think he's going to bust in and find her in bed with someone, you'll be disappointed.


Maybe. Let's hope.

But that does not mean that most of the bunch of boys are not trying/hoping to bed her.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

What is with this weird "women like to party, but won't have sex" mantra suddenly popping up all over TAM? What's crazy is, it is being pushed by men lately.


----------



## MachoMcCoy

blueinbr said:


> But that does not mean that most of the bunch of boys are not trying/hoping to bed her.


I fully understand that every single one does. But at various points in my life I have been one of the guys drooling over the attention wh0re waiting for my turn that never came. Nor did anyone els's.

I still DO NOT want my wife being that attention wh...

That being said, my money is at a whole bunch of VERY minor infidelities and a whole lot of lies. I'm not condoning it, I'm just not labeling it an "affair" and attacking it from that angle. I think he will not only come up empty, but give her a lot of "I told you I wasn't sleeping with anyone" ammunition for a very effective deflect.

She just likes to party with the boys. Nothing wrong with THAT, right?


----------



## MachoMcCoy

phillybeffandswiss said:


> What is with this weird "women like to party, but won't have sex" mantra suddenly popping up all over TAM? What's crazy is, it is being pushed by men lately.


I know, right? Don't they know it's a full blown physical affair with full body fluid swapping each and every time? I mean...JEEZ!


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

> She just likes to party with the boys. Nothing wrong with THAT, right?


Yes, when your clothes get skimpier and skimpier plus, you become the main attraction at a sausage fest.


----------



## MachoMcCoy

She's either having 6-ways with the bunch of them or she's an attention *****. I'm going with the latter. It is MUCH more believeable, particularly with ZERO evidence for the former. 

Having an affair with one while the others hang around drooling is a DISTANT third.

Just sayin'.

MY opinion.


----------



## naiveonedave

MachoMcCoy said:


> She's either having 6-ways with the bunch of them or she's an attention *****. I'm going with the latter. It is MUCH more believeable, particularly with ZERO evidence for the former.
> 
> Having an affair with one while the others hang around drooling is a DISTANT third.
> 
> Just sayin'.
> 
> MY opinion.


you may be correct, but with how comfortable she was in the arms of one of the OMs, I would not want to bet on it.


----------



## MachoMcCoy

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Yes, when your clothes get skimpier and skimpier plus, you become the main attraction at a sausage fest.


I am in NO WAY condoning this behavior. Just trying to keep this OP from jumping on the "SHE'S CHEATING" bandwagon and screwing it all up.

And I'm not saying she's NOT screwing one or more. I'm just picking which is most likely


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## phillybeffandswiss

MachoMcCoy said:


> I know, right? Don't they know it's a full blown physical affair with full body fluid swapping each and every time? I mean...JEEZ!


Right. You know, seeing a woman in a sexually provocative position is just fun. You know, don't be worried, it is just a bored housewife out with the guys. Sex can never occur because no one EVER goes off by themselves.... ever. LOL.
*snicker*


MachoMcCoy said:


> MY opinion.


I know. It's just funny how you get offended and sarcastic when someone disagrees with your opinion.


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## MachoMcCoy

naiveonedave said:


> you may be correct, but with how comfortable she was in the arms of one of the OMs, I would not want to bet on it.


I used to LOVE IT when my turn came to be the recipient if the AW's affections. She used to nibble my earlobe while doing it. This is bringing up fond memories.

No sex for ANY of us.


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## MachoMcCoy

phillybeffandswiss said:


> It's just funny how you get offended and sarcastic when someone disagrees with your opinion.


I'm a sensitive guy.


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## Rubicon

> She just likes to party with the boys. Nothing wrong with THAT, right?


Actually, unless she is single the YES, there is a lot wrong with it. People in relationships that insist on being out alone partying with members of the opposite sex are not worthy of a relationship. These are broken selfish people who only think of themselves and you would be best to steer clear of them as far as relationships go.



> I fully understand that every single one does. But at various points in my life I have been one of the guys drooling over the attention wh0re waiting for my turn that never came. Nor did anyone els's.


That you know of... Just because she didn't pick you and you are not aware of who she did pick doesn't mean it didn't happen every time.

When being discrete matters, people know how to find it. perhaps they figured you would go bragging to others. Perhaps they didn't find you attractive... I think a lot of us would be shocked if we could detect the secrets others around us are keeping. Pretending you are in the know is not a smart thing to do. You are better off to assume nobody is telling you anything and go from there.


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## jb02157

This could have a very slippery slope to a PA. What she is wearing around these male coworkers is a real "red light" and she's definitely trying to attract them. If you're married to someone you can't trust, you should start to think of ending the marriage. It must hurt so much when you are out there working your tale off for her to make your lives together better all the while she's busy showing her body off to other men.


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## MachoMcCoy

I've got to get away from this.

Yes, she could be screwing any or all of them. But if it's sex she wants, she can get it anywhere. She's not a cheater, so she gets her thrills this way. Lying and cheating either way. Jut pick the most likely scenario.

ZERO evidence of physical affair.
TONS of evidence of attention wh0ring.

You decide. Just stop arguing with me. There is plenty of "she's cheating" on this thread. Let him see a LITTLE opposing viewpoint.

Funny, it's me saying "it could be anything, but here's another idea". Yet I'm getting shouted down for being unreasonable by the crowd that KNOWS she's screwing one or all of them.

I don't get it. We're on the same side.


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## MachoMcCoy

jb02157 said:


> What she is wearing around these male coworkers is a real "red light" and she's definitely trying to attract them.


I think you meant "green light".

Green for go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8HNSSDIdvo


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## 225985

MachoMcCoy said:


> I fully understand that every single one does. *But at various points in my life I have been one of the guys drooling over the attention wh0re waiting for my turn that never came.* Nor did anyone els's.


Been there too. :frown2:


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## Rubicon

OK, Maybe she hasn't gone physical.

What difference does it make? 

I think a person is very foolish to turn a blind eye on a partner who has "flirting with the idea of cheating" as a hobby. 

If you think it is somehow a more noble pursuit than cheating itself, then I don't know what to tell you.

If your partner is getting all dolled up and going out to hang out with a group exclusively made up of the opposite sex then there's your problem right there.

What more do you need? I'd tell her one more night out with the boys and we are done.


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## G.J.

Rubicon said:


> OK, Maybe she hasn't gone physical.
> 
> What difference does it make?
> 
> I think a person is very foolish to turn a blind eye on a partner who has "flirting with the idea of cheating" as a hobby.
> 
> If you think it is somehow a more noble pursuit than cheating itself, then I don't know what to tell you.
> 
> If your partner is getting all dolled up and going out to hang out with a group exclusively made up of the opposite sex then there's your problem right there.
> 
> What more do you need? I'd tell her one more night out with the boys and we are done.


:iagree:

Its comes to some thing in a relationship when you have to tell your spouse to stop hanging round with guys

Why did she get married if she isn't content with women's company and other guys when her husbands around

Which women who are married socialize with a group of guys when their husbands away ?


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## 225985

G.J. said:


> Which women who are married socialize with a group of guys when their husbands *away* ?


Depends on your definition of away. If he is away 9 months of the year for example, he is not away. He is GONE. 

I wish OP would tell us how long he is away each year. Some or most of you may disagree, but I really think that is relevant. And did he travel this much before they married?


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## G.J.

blueinbr said:


> Depends on your definition of away. If he is away 9 months of the year for example, he is not away. He is GONE.
> 
> I wish OP would tell us how long he is away each year. Some or most of you may disagree, but I really think that is relevant. And did he travel this much before they married?


9 months didn't see him post that thought it was 2


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## G.J.

No just went through his post nothing about the length of time away as you pondered

And yes it is relevant especially if its been since they got married


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## 225985

G.J. said:


> 9 months didn't see him post that thought it was 2


I was just giving an example. Hence the "for example". If OP said he is gone only 2 months a year, IMO that is reasonable. I must have missed that. Initial post said ...months at a time.


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## G.J.

blueinbr said:


> I was just giving an example. Hence the "for example". If OP said he is gone only 2 months a year, IMO that is reasonable. I must have missed that. Initial post said ...months at a time.


yep youll see in my second post above yours......'pondered'

I took months at a time wrongly as 2


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## MattMatt

G.J. said:


> 9 months didn't see him post that thought it was 2


He mentioned "sometimes months at a time" not nine months. Unless that was mentioned later?


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## Divinely Favored

MachoMcCoy said:


> jb02157 said:
> 
> 
> 
> What she is wearing around these male coworkers is a real "red light" and she's definitely trying to attract them.
> 
> 
> 
> I think you meant "green light".
> 
> Green for go.
Click to expand...


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## 225985

Divinely Favored said:


> I think you meant "green light".
> 
> Green for go.
> 
> Or RED for HO.
> 
> Fact she shut hubby down cold in front of the other men and then was very open to the OM doing same thing in front of the same group of men is complete and utterly, in your face FU DISRESPECT.
> 
> I would have nuked the party and told her in front of everyone she could either go with me to HR tomorrow and file harassment on him or she must like acting and being treated like a *****.....if that is the case I'm leaving and if you are not in the car...than that means you want to be his ***** and Monday morning I will be filing for divorce because I refuse to be married to a woman who acts like another man's *****.
> 
> If she was not embarrased enough from her behavior toward you with these other men to never go back, then I would tell her the job or me. She totally smeared **** on your face in front of all these guys and they know she does not give a rats ass about your feelings.
> 
> 1st off my wife would not dress that way as its inappropriate to be around these other men knowing you are going to be stroked like a kitty.
> 
> 2nd if another man touched my wife like that she would remover their arm and shove it up their azz.
> 
> But my philosophy is " Rock the boat HELL, I'm gonna sink it!!!! I can swim!!"


Are you posting in the right thread? " my wife got a job as a secretary at a auto parts salvage yard. The people at her work hang out on week nights and do things on weekends and they invited my wife to join."

Doubt there is any HR and no harassment if after hours and weekends. This is just a group of coworkers on their own time. 

The touching was in another post about party, wife and single male coworkers. 

The wife here is probably look but do not touch.


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## x598

for you all debating the attention ***** needs of a woman who has to be surrounded by men and thinks that is acceptable behavior........

I dated a woman like this. one night she went out "with the boys" to a card game, and not make it back home.

the story was she was drugged or "ruffied" and woke up having no idea where she was.

i have no doubt she was most likely raped.

take what you wish from this information.


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## ConanHub

blueinbr said:


> Are you posting in the right thread? " my wife got a job as a secretary at a auto parts salvage yard. The people at her work hang out on week nights and do things on weekends and they invited my wife to join."
> 
> Doubt there is any HR and no harassment if after hours and weekends. This is just a group of coworkers on there own time.
> 
> The touching was in another post about party, wife and single male coworkers.
> 
> The wife here is probably look but do not touch.


There are two similar threads. He is thinking of the other one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss

Yeah I think he is mixing threads.


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## Divinely Favored

My bad. You got the bikini pool shooter correct?


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## MachoMcCoy

x598 said:


> for you all debating the attention ***** needs of a woman who has to be surrounded by men and thinks that is acceptable behavior........


Why do you all think that I'm claiming it's acceptable? All I'm saying is it is not necessarily a full-on PA? Probably not, even. That does not mean I think lying about partying with the boys is a good idea.


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## bandit.45

Amazing. 

This OP has posted what, two or three times, and this thread has dragged on for eleven pages? 

He's a lot less interested than we are.


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## FeministInPink

bandit.45 said:


> Amazing.
> 
> This OP has posted what, two or three times, and this thread has dragged on for eleven pages?
> 
> He's a lot less interested than we are.


He's posted more than that. Maybe 5 times


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## phillybeffandswiss

bandit.45 said:


> Amazing.
> 
> This OP has posted what, two or three times, and this thread has dragged on for eleven pages?
> 
> He's a lot less interested than we are.


LOL He's has the second highest posts in this thread, what are you talking about?


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## bandit.45

phillybeffandswiss said:


> LOL He's has the second highest posts in this thread, what are you talking about?


No he doesn't...


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## Acoa

bandit.45 said:


> No he doesn't...


He has posted 11 times, but if you group multiple posts in the same hour, he posted 5 'time periods' and hasn't posted in 2 days. Seems interested enough. 

A 2 day lack of presence doesn't mean much. Could be taking a break, or all hell could have broke lose and he is dealing with the sh1t. 

OP, hang in there. I hope you are doing alright.


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