# Banning



## Harken Banks

In the short time I have been here, I have seen a number of the more important contributers banned. The mods know why, but we don't know why. Speaking only for myself, I have missed the banned. Their insight, guidance, and counsel. What about a little transparency on why individual posters are banned?


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## badbane

Harken Banks said:


> In the short time I have been here, I have seen a number of the more important contributers banned. The mods know why, but we don't know why. Speaking only for myself, I have missed the banned. Their insight, guidance, and counsel. What about a little transparency on why individual posters are banned?


Most bans are temporary and are lifted. I think that a lot of the guys on here that are banned probably are hurting a lot. This could be there catharsis. It can lead to them lashing out or saying things that are overly offensive, or flaming. I doubt the mods like banning a 4,000 poster with 3,000 likes that has used this site and helped a lot of people. 
They will be back eventually give them time to take a breath and get right.


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## Almostrecovered

Rabble rabble!!


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## Harken Banks

People here are looking for help in real time. The penalty box may be deserved, but doesn't necessarily serve.


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## costa200

Problem is when people who are banned for not so clear reasons decide to not return. Sometimes the ban isn't very well explained and a banned guy can't even pm a mod. I was banned once for "name calling" and to this day i'm not really sure if it was because i said someone was being a doormat.


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## keko

costa200 said:


> Problem is when people who are banned for not so clear reasons decide to not return. Sometimes the ban isn't very well explained and a banned guy can't even pm a mod. I was banned once for "name calling" and to this day i'm not really sure if it was because i said someone was being a doormat.


How dare you state the obvious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ing

They would have triggered on a post or an entire thread. Banning is a bit like being pulled off the front line for a while. There has only been one or two perma-bans since i have been here. 

Sometimes people are just SO in denial that the urge to slap them around the head with a haddock is almost impossible to resist. Slap, slap, ban


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## badbane

costa200 said:


> Problem is when people who are banned for not so clear reasons decide to not return. Sometimes the ban isn't very well explained and a banned guy can't even pm a mod. I was banned once for "name calling" and to this day i'm not really sure if it was because i said someone was being a doormat.


It is probably a scenario where someone complained to a mod. IMO the mosd are pretty lax here. (in a good way) PLus the mods are not paid they are just normal people taking on the responsibility of trying to monitor this whole site. I have dealt with bad mods before luckily the mod was tied to a company that I could report. I have only had one run in with a mod here. I admit that I am probably more aggressive than most. I wouldn't be surprised if I got banned eventually.


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## Halien

Thread moved to the Suggestion Box.

The Coping with Infidelity section is for threads directly related to situations involving infidelity.


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## Harken Banks

badbane said:


> It is probably a scenario where someone complained to a mod. IMO the mosd are pretty lax here. (in a good way) PLus the mods are not paid they are just normal people taking on the responsibility of trying to monitor this whole site. I have dealt with bad mods before luckily the mod was tied to a company that I could report. I have only had one run in with a mod here. I admit that I am probably more aggressive than most. I wouldn't be surprised if I got banned eventually.


Hell, I'll mod. I have no more qualification for this job than I do for any other I've held. I won't be arbitrary. Unless I want to be.


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## YinPrincess

Good thing I can't be banned for excessive whining... LoL! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks

Or F-bombs. Those are my stock in trade.


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## kindi

I think it's rather inappropriate for a banned member to be labeled as such in their profile.

It's a private and personal matter between the member and the moderating team, ESPECIALLY if it's a temporary ban. 

It's almost like the banned member is being exploited as in "The rest of you better watch your step because look what happens when you cross the line!".

It takes away some of that warm fuzzy feeling


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## Know_Buddy

YinPrincess said:


> Good thing I can't be banned for excessive whining... LoL!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


thats ok 'P'

you have friends here willing to listen


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## Harken Banks

kindi said:


> I think it's rather inappropriate for a banned member to be labeled as such in their profile.
> 
> It's a private and personal matter between the member and the moderating team, ESPECIALLY if it's a temporary ban.
> 
> It's almost like the banned member is being exploited as in "The rest of you better watch your step because look what happens when you cross the line!".
> 
> It takes away some of that warm fuzzy feeling


Sunlight is the best disenfectant.


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## HereWithoutYou

On another forum the mods post an announcement whenever someone gets banned explaining why they got banned, and the members get 24 hours in that thread to discuss the banning.


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## Harken Banks

Do we get a thumbs up, thumbs down vote?


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## Harken Banks

Almostrecovered said:


> Rabble rabble!!


Apologist.


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## costa200

badbane said:


> It is probably a scenario where someone complained to a mod. IMO the mosd are pretty lax here. (in a good way) PLus the mods are not paid they are just normal people taking on the responsibility of trying to monitor this whole site. I have dealt with bad mods before luckily the mod was tied to a company that I could report. I have only had one run in with a mod here. I admit that I am probably more aggressive than most. I wouldn't be surprised if I got banned eventually.


I moded a major forum for gamers for over a year. Forum full of brats and little teen idiots. I pretty much know a lot of what it takes to control a crowd and so i try never to use harsh language. But that expression was so used that i didn't think it was a big no no... I learned. 

anyway, i would indeed suggest the mods to make the banning reasons a little more specific. Like using the expression that caused the banning for example. That would be a learning tool for the banned. It's not good for a guy to be banned and don't even really know why. It increases re-incidence.


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## Harken Banks

costa200 said:


> I moded a major forum for gamers for over a year. Forum full of brats and little teen idiots. I pretty much know a lot of what it takes to control a crowd and so i try never to use harsh language. But that expression was so used that i didn't think it was a big no no... I learned.
> 
> anyway, i would indeed suggest the mods to make the banning reasons a little more specific. Like using the expression that caused the banning for example. That would be a learning tool for the banned. It's not good for a guy to be banned and don't even really know why. It increases re-incidence.


Plus, no one else knows the rules of the game.


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## HereWithoutYou

Another idea, perhaps give people warnings before banning them. Three strikes you're out sort of thing.


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## Harken Banks

Good policy, abner doubleday. Still, shouldn't all this stuff be in the open?


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## YinPrincess

Know_Buddy said:


> thats ok 'P'
> 
> you have friends here willing to listen


Thanks, lol! Well, I'm trying not to complain so much - but purging is a must every so often! It's good to get input and support as well.  

What I don't understand is how some people can be non-contsructive in their personal attacks and NOT get banned. I'm here for help, just like the rest of you! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess

HereWithoutYou said:


> On another forum the mods post an announcement whenever someone gets banned explaining why they got banned, and the members get 24 hours in that thread to discuss the banning.


I actually like this idea! Does the banned person get to participate?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien

Talk About Marriage offers a unique atmosphere that has made the site popular among a diverse group of members. It is not like other sites. Moderators have the discretion to administer punitive bans for varying durations, based upon history of occurances and an assessment of the situation.

The decision for banning is not a consensus decision among members. Moderators will typically issue warnings on the thread, or PM, unless the violation is a direct personal attack of another member, or other extreme violations of forum rules. The recipe has worked well for a number of years.

When possible, we avoid disclosing information to others that may embarass the member who is banned. Sometimes, we may just feel that the behavior doesn't represent the typical nature of a member's replies, and the temporary ban is primarily aimed at removing them from the discussion for a time. Member status is updated automatically, though. We may leave the reported post on a thread to maintain continuity and alert other members if it is a part of a group discussion where several are close to the boundaries of the site, but we'll remove it if it contains references that are overly insulting to another member of the community.

When a person is banned, the functionality of the site is designed to communicate a reason for the ban when the member tries to log back on. Some interfaces may not work properly, and they can be reported in the Technical Difficulties section when the person returns, if they wish. If PMs are set to active, the banned member will also get an email notification.

Moderators are volunteers, but we are selected by the site administrator. If a member returns from a temporary ban, and wished to better understand the reason, he/she can PM one of the mods. Just to clarify who the mods are and for those using phone apps, here's the list.

827Aug Moderator Female

Amplexor Moderator Male

Chris H Forum Administrator Male

Deejo Moderator Male

Halien Moderator Male

Leahdorus Moderator Female

swedish Moderator Female

sweetpea Moderator Female


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## YinPrincess

This list is very helpful, Halien. Being a 100% mobile user makes determining who is a mod very difficult. 

It would also help to be able to report posts from mobile... But I doubt this will ever change? There has been more than one time I wanted to report but was unable to...

Thanks again for the info... It's helpful for those of us on mobile. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

HA! I didn't know half of those people were mods. Awesome. LOL I don't pay attention a lot.


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## TBT

All the talk about banning has me wondering if mods are free to post and if so has one ever been banned?


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## Harken Banks

Halien said:


> Talk About Marriage offers a unique atmosphere that has made the site popular among a diverse group of members. It is not like other sites. Moderators have the discretion to administer punitive bans for varying durations, based upon history of occurances and an assessment of the situation.
> 
> The decision for banning is not a consensus decision among members. Moderators will typically issue warnings on the thread, or PM, unless the violation is a direct personal attack of another member, or other extreme violations of forum rules. The recipe has worked well for a number of years.
> 
> When possible, we avoid disclosing information to others that may embarass the member who is banned. Sometimes, we may just feel that the behavior doesn't represent the typical nature of a member's replies, and the temporary ban is primarily aimed at removing them from the discussion for a time. Member status is updated automatically, though. We may leave the reported post on a thread to maintain continuity and alert other members if it is a part of a group discussion where several are close to the boundaries of the site, but we'll remove it if it contains references that are overly insulting to another member of the community.
> 
> When a person is banned, the functionality of the site is designed to communicate a reason for the ban when the member tries to log back on. Some interfaces may not work properly, and they can be reported in the Technical Difficulties section when the person returns, if they wish. If PMs are set to active, the banned member will also get an email notification.
> 
> Moderators are volunteers, but we are selected by the site administrator. If a member returns from a temporary ban, and wished to better understand the reason, he/she can PM one of the mods. Just to clarify who the mods are and for those using phone apps, here's the list.
> 
> 827Aug Moderator Female
> 
> Amplexor Moderator Male
> 
> Chris H Forum Administrator Male
> 
> Deejo Moderator Male
> 
> Halien Moderator Male
> 
> Leahdorus Moderator Female
> 
> swedish Moderator Female
> 
> sweetpea Moderator Female


Thank you. I was in angry mode again. And not even about the banning policy. This explanation is helpful. I may be wrong, but I think it might help if when a poster was banned an explanation or at least a cite to the offending post were available.

I don't mean to be a snot. I am sincerely grateful for what you do.


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## Mavash.

I always wondered what you had to do to get banned until I was posting in a thread and got to witness the meanness. A regular WELL LIKED poster was obviously having a very bad day or was being triggered BAD. 

I was shocked at the words that came out of their mouth as I'd never heard them talk that way before. Name calling, meanness, the works. I was SHOCKED. And this person didn't let up either when me and someone else tried to calm them down. 

A few minutes later they got banned.

I get it now. 

Being triggered or in a bad mood does not give anyone the right to attack another poster in that way. I still like this poster and the ban was temporary.


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## YinPrincess

And yet, some get away with their attacks. It's lead me to believe that sometimes the act to ban (or not) can be preferential at times. Oh well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

that_girl said:


> HA! I didn't know half of those people were mods. Awesome. LOL I don't pay attention a lot.


I think you should be a mod


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## YinPrincess

I "2nd" that!


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien

that_girl said:


> HA! I didn't know half of those people were mods. Awesome. LOL I don't pay attention a lot.


But you do pay attention where it counts, in my opinion. Thanks for your recent efforts to calm down some brief outbursts.


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## costa200

I was banned before i even knew a mod's name so that didn't help much back then. But it wasn't important for me. It's just that the reason for the banning should be made more clear to the banned. The mod sending a PM with the reason why to the banned mailbox for him to check upon return or something?

I don't know the interface used here but when you ban someone do you have to write down the reason of the ban or do you have some sort of simplified dropdown with pre-written reasons?


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## Halien

YinPrincess said:


> And yet, some get away with their attacks. It's lead me to believe that sometimes the act to ban (or not) can be preferential at times. Oh well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As a mod, I admit that there are several things that I didn't expect in moderating. One of these is that if we haven't reviewed a particular section in a while, the context is sometimes hard to connect as a mod. Believe it or not, we try to give people the benefit of the doubt, so we can miss the proper context of the comment sometimes. Also, there is so much activity on the site that we can't catch everything. I posted the names of the mods for situations like yours, where I believe that you often use a mobile device. You can PM a mod if you can't report the post.


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## YinPrincess

Thanks, Halien. I've had someone report a post for me, but nothing seemed to happen regarding it, and it was in clear violation of the # 1 rule.

I don't cause trouble here and I am respectful to others, so it's pretty hurtful when someone attacks and gets away with it.

Ancient history by now... But it was reported... :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien

costa200 said:


> I was banned before i even knew a mod's name so that didn't help much back then. But it wasn't important for me. It's just that the reason for the banning should be made more clear to the banned. The mod sending a PM with the reason why to the banned mailbox for him to check upon return or something?
> 
> I don't know the interface used here but when you ban someone do you have to write down the reason of the ban or do you have some sort of simplified dropdown with pre-written reasons?


I'll be offline soon, but for the sake of argument, I'll assume that you are referring to the comment about calling someone a doormat, as an example, from your earlier post in this thread.

Sorry, but I'm not familiar with the specific ban, though.

From the General Forum Rules:

1. Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect.
Personal attacks, hate speech, racist or sexist statements or attacks, sexual harassment, explicit sexual comments, promoting violence, will not be tolerated.

-----

If a member says, "You are a [fill in the blank]," this makes the reply personal. If the comment were to take place in the Coping with Infidelity, its far more likely that calling the member a doormat is referring to a person who has just experienced one of the most hurtful betrayals of their life. In the forum rules, we are asked to treat all members with dignity and respect. The moderators have recently gotten significant member feedback that the tone of the CWI forum has gotten more accusatory, and prone to personal attacks. For a person who is going through infidelity, a statement like, "In my opinion, your wife is taking advantage of you," is respectful, and treats the person with dignity and empathy. Such a statement conveys the same intent, and is not name-calling.

If I issue a temporary ban as a mod, I will usually add the notification comment along the lines of , "Personal attack of another member. Failure to follow forum guidelines." Granted, new members don't automatically know the culture of this site. Chris has recently added stickies to the CWI section to provide some additional clarification. Recognize, though, that we see that your replies are generally respectful, and consider you to be a valuable member. It was a temporary ban, specifically so that you could return after an admonition.


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## YinPrincess

I thought the response I got to one of my threads was more harsh than Costa calling someone a doormat, but I'm going to drop it since it seems futile anyways.

Halien, I really appreciate you taking the time to explain things and answer our questions. I am very much grateful. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks

I launched this thread because I saw several of the most sincerely conecerned, sensible, and insightful posters disappear. When I really wanted their insight.


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## that_girl

When I was banned, I got a warning in my PM.

I told the warning to bite me (not the mod, the warning), and carried on.

When I logged in after that, a notice came up that said why I was banned. And that I'd be banned for a week. 

Fine.

Is that not happening any more?


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## YinPrincess

TG - You were banned?? :lol:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks

Almostrecovered said:


> Rabble rabble!!


Do you have something more than that?


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## Maricha75

that_girl said:


> When I was banned, I got a warning in my PM.
> 
> I told the warning to bite me (not the mod, the warning), and carried on.
> 
> When I logged in after that, a notice came up that said why I was banned. And that I'd be banned for a week.
> 
> Fine.
> 
> Is that not happening any more?


Wait, TG, you mean you got a warning to, essentially, knock it off or you would be banned? And then, the next time you logged in, you saw you were banned? If that's what you mean, then yes, that does happen, still. I know of one who was given a warning, stopped what was being said... yet was still banned for a week. Again, this was AFTER the warning PM, and AFTER stopping the behavior. Not sure if that is what you meant? :scratchhead:


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## YinPrincess

Was it a warning - "stop or you will be banned"? Or a notification - "you will be banned for xyz" and then being banned?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75

YinPrincess said:


> Was it a warning - "stop or you will be banned"? Or a notification - "you will be banned for xyz" and then being banned?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The one I am talking about? Got both types of messages. Got the "stop it or else"... and a few hours later, after stopping, got the "you are banned"


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## YinPrincess

Interesting...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

Sometimes you just can't stop! :rofl:

Sometimes you just want to verbally beat someone's ass because you KNOW they deserve it.

I am more in control now. lol.


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## Shaggy

I do think the initial ban of a week is too long. 1 day along with a pm with the reason would be likely just as effective.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07

Beowulf banning was the worst though. I think Beowulf and Morrigan left TAM.

My post got deleted for the facepalm picture in the post that was extremely relavent to the topic()


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## Ansley

I dont see how moderators do it-especially on CWI forum. Some threads blow up so fast even the OP says they cant keep up. People are well meaning (some) but when that wound gets re-opened watch out.


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## YellowRoses

On a UK forum I frequent, the word 'banned' under a name is always a life ban. Was shocked on TAM at first til I realised it was used differently.

Temporary removals get the word 'suspended' and I'm sure there is another one for a very short term 'detention' but it escapes me, something like 'privileges revoked'.

It gives other posters more of a clue of the length of absences and seriousness of the situation. 

How does anyone know if its a life ban here, or does that just never happen ?


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## Harken Banks

Shaggy said:


> I do think the initial ban of a week is too long. 1 day along with a pm with the reason would be likely just as effective.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

If the point is to take someone out of the game until they can cool down. I'm not asking for it, but I probably could have used that last night. Thanks Mods.


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## Deejo

No one, or 100 contributors is more important than attempting to maintain the tone, consistency, and rules that have been put in place to make sure those that come here seeking advice about VERY personal issues, feel safe.

It is always unfortunate if we lose a long-standing, positive contributor.

But ... it is very easy to overlook the number of individuals that come here looking for input, advice, or a sounding board and then stop posting based on the tone or content of the responses they get.

We see those PM's. The forum at large does not.

Like most things in life, the process of trying to maintain balance on TAM may not always be perfect, and may not always seem fair.

I hope people stick around for as long as they find value here. 

Hopefully they find the mods to be responsive and helpful. Being adversarial or draconian really isn't part of the agenda.


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## Halien

Shaggy said:


> I do think the initial ban of a week is too long. 1 day along with a pm with the reason would be likely just as effective.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


At the time that mods and several long term members began to notice that the tone of the CWI section was becoming more blatantly hostile to those where were experiencing infidelity, shorter, three-day bans were the norm. The same shift in negativity was also taking place in the Gerneral section. Unfortunately, the shorter bans seemed to do little to stop the behavior for a number of people. Multiple, repeated bans had become the norm, more so than the past. Members who started the threads were leaving, PM'ing the mods that the tone was too full of hostility, even in threads where you wouldn't call the infidelity or marriage issue extreme.

I would not say that one week temporary bans are the new, established guideline, though. We communicate as a moderator group and try to listen to the counsel of established users, also.

I have to admit that as a mod, I really begin to connect to a number of members who, unfortunately, occasionally let the threads get to them and then lash out again in insults even after a ban. We see the sense of community that they obviously feel, and the value that the site brings to them, also. Perma-bans are, therefore, rare.

Some of the replies here seem to be inferring inconsistency when it comes to people who receive a PM, but are later temporarily banned. We're not perfect, but as an outsider looking into the process, I understand that it can be confusing. As a mod, we may not know a member's past here at TAM when we first address a reported post connected to their reply. We may not have enough information to even consider the applicability of punitive, short term bans. To give the member an explanation of the problem with the post, and gain time to dig a little deeper or consult other mods, we will usually send a PM or a warning in the thread. It is an effort to explain and warn, considering that most bans are temporary, and the member will likely return. Most of the time, this is enough. Punitive short term bans may be administered later, depending upon further assessment, or if another mod responds to our query with additional info.


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## Almostrecovered

Harken Banks said:


> Do you have something more than that?


Why are you baiting me? Just because i didn't answer your insult calling me an apologist right away? Im just getting a bit tired of threads about banned people. 

For the record, I don't agree with every ban, I dont agree with every policy of the site. But, guess what? It's their board and if I have a major issue with any of it I can find another place or start my own board. Or even PM or ChrisH the mods about it. (which I have done)

I miss Beowulf just as much as anyone and found him to be more insightful and inspirational than most posters. Im not happy about his ban in the slightest and if he doesn't return then I think it's a big loss for TAM. 

I honestly think both sides of the mass banning that night are in the wrong, it needlessly escalated from both sides. And all over what? The right to have thread that talked about having orgies with goats and lots of overtly sexual innuendo? To me that's a silly place to make a stand and this is coming from a guy who constantly pushes the envelope with jokes. As much as I make such comments, if a mod told me to stop, deletes a post or even bans me for it I would back off a bit. (which I have had a comment here and there deleted and been warned)


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## that_girl

Whoa. Goats? :wtf: :rofl: I missed that...


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## Harken Banks

Almostrecovered said:


> Why are you baiting me? Just because i didn't answer your insult calling me an apologist right away? Im just getting a bit tired of threads about banned people.
> 
> For the record, I don't agree with every ban, I dont agree with every policy of the site. But, guess what? It's their board and if I have a major issue with any of it I can find another place or start my own board. Or even PM or ChrisH the mods about it. (which I have done)
> 
> I miss Beowulf just as much as anyone and found him to be more insightful and inspirational than most posters. Im not happy about his ban in the slightest and if he doesn't return then I think it's a big loss for TAM.
> 
> I honestly think both sides of the mass banning that night are in the wrong, it needlessly escalated from both sides. And all over what? The right to have thread that talked about having orgies with goats and lots of overtly sexual innuendo? To me that's a silly place to make a stand and this is coming from a guy who constantly pushes the envelope with jokes. As much as I make such comments, if a mod told me to stop, deletes a post or even bans me for it I would back off a bit. (which I have had a comment here and there deleted and been warned)


I was angry and behaving badly last night. I also was and am sincerely interested in understanding the banning policy. Your post pissed me off. It probably should not have, but I some my wounds are pretty fresh. I recognize you as an important and level headed contributer to this place. I will probably not ever be either of those. Olive branch extended.


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## Almostrecovered

Thank you, my apologies if my sarcastic post upset you


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## Chris H.

The "Banned" underneath the username is a function of the software the forums run on. I'm not sure how to change it off-hand, but I'm sure it can be done. This is the first time anyone's complained about it that I know of. I will look into it and consider other options.


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## Chris H.

Harken Banks said:


> Their insight, guidance, and counsel. What about a little transparency on why individual posters are banned?


We ban people every day on this board, some are trolls, some spammers, some new members who aren't following our guidelines, and sometimes established members.

Unfortunately, we don't have time, nor would it really be appropriate, to get into public discussions on the specific reasons why members are banned.


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## 06Daddio08

I'm curious.

If someone 'attacks' another member, lets say, in there own blog / thread.. are the thoughts and feelings of those attacked taken into consideration?

Or are the 'attackers' simply banned off the bat?

Because quite honestly, there are certain members here who have strong relationships and bonds and appreciate the tough love they are given.


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## Deejo

If the 'tough love' approach is in breach of the forum rules, then they will in turn be on the receiving end of tough love.

Neither the moderators nor other users can be expected to always infer what the context or relationship dynamic is between other posters. 

If a post is reported and is in violation of the rules, it will be removed and the poster will be dealt with if necessary.

Use the private message feature if responses are not appropriate for the open forum.


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## costa200

Halien said:


> I'll be offline soon, but for the sake of argument, I'll assume that you are referring to the comment about calling someone a doormat, as an example, from your earlier post in this thread.
> 
> Sorry, but I'm not familiar with the specific ban, though.
> 
> From the General Forum Rules:
> 
> 1. Treat others on the forum with dignity and respect.
> Personal attacks, hate speech, racist or sexist statements or attacks, sexual harassment, explicit sexual comments, promoting violence, will not be tolerated.
> 
> -----
> 
> If a member says, "You are a [fill in the blank]," this makes the reply personal. If the comment were to take place in the Coping with Infidelity, its far more likely that calling the member a doormat is referring to a person who has just experienced one of the most hurtful betrayals of their life. In the forum rules, we are asked to treat all members with dignity and respect. The moderators have recently gotten significant member feedback that the tone of the CWI forum has gotten more accusatory, and prone to personal attacks. For a person who is going through infidelity, a statement like, "In my opinion, your wife is taking advantage of you," is respectful, and treats the person with dignity and empathy. Such a statement conveys the same intent, and is not name-calling.
> 
> If I issue a temporary ban as a mod, I will usually add the notification comment along the lines of , "Personal attack of another member. Failure to follow forum guidelines." Granted, new members don't automatically know the culture of this site. Chris has recently added stickies to the CWI section to provide some additional clarification. Recognize, though, that we see that your replies are generally respectful, and consider you to be a valuable member. It was a temporary ban, specifically so that you could return after an admonition.


I'm ok with my ban. I don't have a problem with it. I don't get caught up in internet drama. But what i'm trying to say is that the communication of the reason for the banning wasn't really happening in my case. I supposed "name calling" was about that doormat thing because it was the only thing i could remember that might have been considered "name calling". Clarification of the reason for banning is a good thing, i think. 

Plus, from my time here is see that everyone gets banned in this board sooner or later. Not have been banned here is like being a virgin or something


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## YinPrincess

!!!! :lol:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75

costa200 said:


> I'm ok with my ban. I don't have a problem with it. I don't get caught up in internet drama. But what i'm trying to say is that the communication of the reason for the banning wasn't really happening in my case. I supposed "name calling" was about that doormat thing because it was the only thing i could remember that might have been considered "name calling". Clarification of the reason for banning is a good thing, i think.
> 
> Plus, from my time here is see that everyone gets banned in this board sooner or later. *Not have been banned here is like being a virgin or something*


HEY! I'm a virgin then!
Well, so far anyway... >.>


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## FirstYearDown

I understand why some posters are banned, when I see some of the horribly insulting and antagonistic words written. 

As someone who has been targeted with unprovoked insults, I can say that sometimes refusing to respond to the rudeness actually makes it worse. Reminds me of someone who is not heard, so he raises his voice. 

I think it is immature to take shots at someone and then accuse them of not wanting to hear the truth. The truth is fine, but it must be communicated respectfully.


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## Harken Banks

costa200 said:


> Plus, from my time here is see that everyone gets banned in this board sooner or later. Not have been banned here is like being a virgin or something


When I am taken against my will, let it be a female mod. Please


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## larry.gray

Halien said:


> We may leave the reported post on a thread to maintain continuity and alert other members if it is a part of a group discussion where several are close to the boundaries of the site, but we'll remove it if it contains references that are overly insulting to another member of the community.


I'll point out to people that often the reason people are banned is scrubbed from the site because it is bad. On some other forums I'm on, I've seen some real doozies where people deserved the 'blam stick' because I happened to be reading before a moderator came along and cleaned things up.


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## Ansley

Im really curious about the jb100 thing. How did the mods figure out he was fake? I got totally sucked into those threads.


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## cloudwithleggs

hmmm banning still a time honoured purpose, no ban her   

:banhim:


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## Amplexor

Halien said:


> I'll be offline soon, but for the sake of argument, I'll assume that you are referring to the comment about calling someone a doormat, as an example, from your earlier post in this thread.
> 
> Sorry, but I'm not familiar with the specific ban, though.
> 
> .


Since I did the ban on costa, will address this. Costa's very first post was reported via PM to me by a long term respected user. While I found the post aggressive, it was not a bannable offence IMO. Shortly after he posted the tips to the ladies thread which to some was a sexist thread. The thread would obviously raise some hairs on some members but was respectful and well thought out however it did put up a flag that we might have a troll.. The banning post occurred when costa had less than a dozen posts. His statement did not say "you are acting like a doormat." or you are a doormat but the OP is a doormat. Directing his comment to the crowd and not the OP was where I took acceptation to it. Being a band new user I took the discretion to set the tone immediately with a 3 day ban. The explanation was short... name calling. Had the comment been from a long term user I would have let it slide or sent a PM. That discression is earned by long term member IMHO. Costa took the ban and has since returned to the forum and continued to contribute and we appreciate that.


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## YinPrincess

^^ This is cool! Thanks for the info, Amp! I'm sure Costa will appreciate it! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200

Amplexor said:


> Since I did the ban on costa, will address this. Costa's very first post was reported via PM to me by a long term respected user. While I found the post aggressive, it was not a bannable offence IMO. Shortly after he posted the tips to the ladies thread which to some was a sexist thread. The thread would obviously raise some hairs on some members but was respectful and well thought out however it did put up a flag that we might have a troll.. The banning post occurred when costa had less than a dozen posts. His statement did not say "you are acting like a doormat." or you are a doormat but the OP is a doormat. Directing his comment to the crowd and not the OP was where I took acceptation to it. Being a band new user I took the discretion to set the tone immediately with a 3 day ban. The explanation was short... name calling. Had the comment been from a long term user I would have let it slide or sent a PM. That discression is earned by long term member IMHO. Costa took the ban and has since returned to the forum and continued to contribute and we appreciate that.


Ahah... It was you... 

People actually reported my thread as sexist? Really? Damn... I wacked both men and women in that thread! So who was i being sexist against? Perhaps i should have included the homosexuals in too? They felt left out? 

I don't remember, but i think the thread must have been the first post. I don't remember posting before that. 



> Being a band new user I took the discretion to set the tone immediately with a 3 day ban. The explanation was short... name calling. Had the comment been from a long term user I would have let it slide or sent a PM.


Yeah, i kinda suspected that the shortness was due to me being a zero around here. I know cuz that's what i did all the time at the boards i used to mod. New guy gets hammered faster!


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## Chris H.

costa200 said:


> People actually reported my thread as sexist? Really? Damn... I wacked both men and women in that thread! So who was i being sexist against? Perhaps i should have included the homosexuals in too? They felt left out?


"Sexist" can apply to both. We generally frown upon any negative generalizations about groups of people.

No one likes to be generalized about or stereotyped. Those types of discussions can quickly deteriorate into hurt feeling and anger.


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## costa200

Chris H. said:


> "Sexist" can apply to both. We generally frown upon any negative generalizations about groups of people.
> 
> No one likes to be generalized about or stereotyped. Those types of discussions can quickly deteriorate into hurt feeling and anger.


I still think i was pretty reasonable. Didn't say anything that i haven't seen myself hundreds of times. But oh well! As long as people respect my opinion i respect theirs. :smthumbup:


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## Cosmos

I host a large forum and the rules are clear. It is a support forum and I cannot afford to have people who are already dealing with painful issues hurt further by those who lash out and/or belittle in order to feel better about themselves. My way of implementing rules are to:-

PM a warning to the offending party. 
If they persist, we ban them
Obvious Trolls are banned without warning and are not permitted to rejoin the forum.

My forum has been up and running for over 2 years and I have only ever had to ban one member.


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## costa200

> PM a warning to the offending party.


Big softy you...


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## calvin

I do have a question about PM's.
I can see if someone sends a pm and calls another member names,ask for a date or just does something stupid to offend that member and the member turns the offending party in to the mods or the owner of this site.The mods must take action.
My question is are PM's ever monitored? I could see a repeat offender who has harassed other members being looked after but are PM's ever looked into at all? Unless a complaint arises?
I appreciate your time and reponse...thanks guys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris H.

There is no way for me or the mods to see another member's pm unless they report it.

I have heard of people altering the software our forum runs on in order to be able to view member pm's, but that seems like too much of an invasion of privacy to me. I can't forsee that ever being necessary or appropriate.


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## calvin

Thanks Chris,I appreciate your reply.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Harken Banks

costa200 said:


> I still think i was pretty reasonable. Didn't say anything that i haven't seen myself hundreds of times. But oh well! As long as people respect my opinion i respect theirs. :smthumbup:


If I may, What's Wrong With Being Sexy? | This Is Spinal Tap | Classic Clips - YouTube


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## Hopefull363

I've been here a short time. I'm a virgin never been banned. I have been very disappointed a lot of times by logging on and finding some of my favorite long time posters banned. Especially lately. I miss them. I hope 2nd times the best comes back.


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## Maricha75

Hopefull363 said:


> I've been here a short time. I'm a virgin never been banned. I have been very disappointed a lot of times by logging on and finding some of my favorite long time posters banned. Especially lately. I miss them. I hope 2nd times the best comes back.


Don't worry.... 2nd will be back in a couple days.


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## Cosmos

Hopefull363 said:


> I've been here a short time. I'm a virgin never been banned. I have been very disappointed a lot of times by logging on and finding some of my favorite long time posters banned. Especially lately. I miss them. I hope 2nd times the best comes back.


2nd Time has been banned? I really enjoyed his/her posts. I also find Beowulf's posts succinct and enlightening. Ho hum...


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## Almostrecovered

explains why my likes per day has dipped substantially


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## blinky

deleted


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## Chris H.

blinky said:


> I guess NOT, re the bold I added to your quote. I got a really really offensive PM from a "new" user last month, which I reported. Nothing happened to them, they didn't even get the short term ban option. And no mod ever replied to my report explaining why or why not. I am still offended thinking about that PM even now; but who cares about me being threatened, I guess.


It's up to our discretion whether or not something reported gets acted upon.

I did find the reported PM from you, and I made a note on the person's account about it, but I can't tell if the person was ever banned because of it.


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## blinky

deleted


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