# UPDATE: Younger man fever



## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

About a month ago or so, I had made a post seeking advise on how to handle an unwanted attraction to a man almost half my age. I felt since I would have made progress in this situation that I should do a follow up and share.

Running through this site, I came across a post from a woman with a similar situation to mine, and a contributor had warned her of 'limerence', a term that was new to me. I researched it, and it appears to be exactly what I was suffering from. I had almost all of the signs of limerence. What had struck though was the fact that it was mentioned that this emotion was one sided and that the individual found little ways to make a connection to his/her love object (LO). This was troubling since I felt that he had the same connection to me that I had to him. I visited the restaurant again with the sound track of that of 'limerence' in my head. In an effort to test this theory and get control of my emotions again. 

It should be noted that avoiding this particular restaurant in the long term would be futile for me, because I not only socialize there but conduct a lot of business there as well. I would have been visiting there, minimum three times a week for the last five years. The employees know my name, my kids name and husband's name. I am even called in advance to have my meals prepared before my arrival when reservations are made in my name. Hence, I had two choices, either get this feeling under control or have him dismissed. The latter did not rest well on my conscience.

On my first visit back, I remembered when I walked in a group of employees looked at me and then directly at him. Can not lie, I was very embarrassed. I have also observed whenever reservations were made in my name, he would not be around. And if it was made in someone else's name, he usually goes on break. There would have been times as well where we would have been seated in his section but he never serves me. These behavior on his part solidifies that in deed my feelings are one-sided and I guess his avoidance of me, is the result of the other employees, probably telling him who I am. Or maybe, he just badly wants to avoid the creepy 'old lady' that was obviously attracted to him. 

The shame of this experience and the knowledge of limerence has helped me a lot in managing my feelings. I am not going to lie and say that the feelings are gone. They are still there, but I feel in control of it. I no longer have that trembling fear of what it is, I acknowledge the attraction, remind myself of what it is and move on.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

sunshinie said:


> About a month ago or so, I had made a post seeking advise on how to handle an unwanted attraction to a man almost half my age. I felt since I would have made progress in this situation that I should do a follow up and share.
> 
> Running through this site, I came across a post from a woman with a similar situation to mine, and a contributor had warned her of 'limerence', a term that was new to me. I researched it, and it appears to be exactly what I was suffering from. I had almost all of the signs of limerence. What had struck though was the fact that it was mentioned that this emotion was one sided and that the individual found little ways to make a connection to his/her love object (LO). This was troubling since I felt that he had the same connection to me that I had to him. I visited the restaurant again with the sound track of that of 'limerence' in my head. In an effort to test this theory and get control of my emotions again.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you’ve had a little growth. Bravo!

So what happens when you get the fever for the flavor of a Pringle that wants to get munched on and responds positively?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

sunshinie said:


> About a month ago or so, I had made a post seeking advise on how to handle an unwanted attraction to a man almost half my age. I felt since I would have made progress in this situation that I should do a follow up and share.
> 
> Running through this site, I came across a post from a woman with a similar situation to mine, and a contributor had warned her of 'limerence', a term that was new to me. I researched it, and it appears to be exactly what I was suffering from. I had almost all of the signs of limerence. What had struck though was the fact that it was mentioned that this emotion was one sided and that the individual found little ways to make a connection to his/her love object (LO). This was troubling since I felt that he had the same connection to me that I had to him. I visited the restaurant again with the sound track of that of 'limerence' in my head. In an effort to test this theory and get control of my emotions again.
> 
> ...


You say your feelings were one-sided...but didn't he ask your friend for your number? What was that about then?


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## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

LisaDiane said:


> You say your feelings were one-sided...but didn't he ask your friend for your number? What was that about then?


Forgot about that. But I think it was my reaction to him, maybe at the time it intrigued him until be sense kicked in.


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## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> Sounds like you’ve had a little growth. Bravo!
> 
> So what happens when you get the fever for the flavor of a Pringle that wants to get munched on and responds positively?


LoL. I don't eat fastfood


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> You say your feelings were one-sided...but didn't he ask your friend for your number? What was that about then?


Are you trying to mess this up for her?!


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

sokillme said:


> Are you trying to mess this up for her?!


Of course not!! I was genuinely confused by the complete turn around in what she interpreted about his feelings, and I actually expected her to say that it was a mistake that she thought he wanted her number. 

I was just trying to clarify what was going on. Besides, my question shouldn't sabotage anything for her if her character and understanding are strong...which they definitely appear to be.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

LisaDiane said:


> Of course not!! I was genuinely confused by the complete turn around in what she interpreted about his feelings, and I actually expected her to say that it was a mistake that she thought he wanted her number.
> 
> I was just trying to clarify what was going on. Besides, my question shouldn't sabotage anything for her if her character and understanding are strong...which they definitely appear to be.


Ahh, uh-huh.. 

OP probably isn't the most reliable narrator being all hot an bothered by her grandson's friend.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

There are many reasons he might be acting the way he is. He might have found out you were married and gotten spooked, his boss might have spoken to him about getting involved with married customers, he might have started dating someone else. None of which mean he wasn't genuinely attracted to you.

Since he dropped his pursuit for whatever reason it's not meant to be for now, but the one thing you really shouldn't take from this is that you're some "creepy old lady". Don't ever devalue yourself like that. There's nothing stopping men of any age from being into you.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

sunshinie said:


> About a month ago or so, I had made a post seeking advise on how to handle an unwanted attraction to a man almost half my age. I felt since I would have made progress in this situation that I should do a follow up and share.
> 
> Running through this site, I came across a post from a woman with a similar situation to mine, and a contributor had warned her of 'limerence', a term that was new to me. I researched it, and it appears to be exactly what I was suffering from. I had almost all of the signs of limerence. What had struck though was the fact that it was mentioned that this emotion was one sided and that the individual found little ways to make a connection to his/her love object (LO). This was troubling since I felt that he had the same connection to me that I had to him. I visited the restaurant again with the sound track of that of 'limerence' in my head. In an effort to test this theory and get control of my emotions again.
> 
> ...


I'm afraid it's more he's avoiding you for his own reasons. He probably is creeped out and I'm glad you got a grip on it.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

sunshinie said:


> About a month ago or so, I had made a post seeking advise on how to handle an unwanted attraction to a man almost half my age. I felt since I would have made progress in this situation that I should do a follow up and share.
> 
> Running through this site, I came across a post from a woman with a similar situation to mine, and a contributor had warned her of 'limerence', a term that was new to me. I researched it, and it appears to be exactly what I was suffering from. I had almost all of the signs of limerence. What had struck though was the fact that it was mentioned that this emotion was one sided and that the individual found little ways to make a connection to his/her love object (LO). This was troubling since I felt that he had the same connection to me that I had to him. I visited the restaurant again with the sound track of that of 'limerence' in my head. In an effort to test this theory and get control of my emotions again.
> 
> ...


What about Chris? Is your husband still friends with him and do you still hang around with him at all?


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