# School issues Seeking Advice please



## Katemiller (Nov 8, 2021)

My stepson who is 14 has a real Attitude problem and it’s now spilling over into school. He refuses to do homework, refuses help from teachers/Tutors, plays on his phone after the teacher told him not to, refuses to Participate in class unless he wants to. He is currently failing 3 classes because of all these things.

The teachers have reached out to both parents and used words like “insubordination” “Disrespectful” “Disruptive behavior”.

My husband thinks the school should give his son detention or/fail him since this behavior is happening at school. I feel it should be my husband who should step up and Dish out the discipline for this behavior. What do you guys think?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You said it was also happening at home so yes, his parents need to sort this out. I would suggest grounding him and removing something he enjoys. 

How long have his mum and dad been apart and how did that affect him?


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## DinoMom (Apr 27, 2019)

Unless you are a full time, custodial stepmom, I'd stay FAR away from this and let his bio parents deal with it. Otherwise, eventually somehow it will become "your" fault.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Katemiller said:


> My husband thinks the school should give his son detention or/fail him since this behavior is happening at school. I feel it should be my husband who should step up and Dish out the discipline for this behavior. What do you guys think?


I don't disagree, but you don't get a pass here. You can dish the punishment out as well. Both of you need to discuss what should happen and yes, you should tell your husband what you expect, which is not just school punishment.

What is the most important thing to him? A car? Playstation? Going out with friends? They all need to be taken away. How about disconnecting his phone service?


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Katemiller said:


> My stepson who is 14 has a real Attitude problem and it’s now spilling over into school. He refuses to do homework, refuses help from teachers/Tutors, plays on his phone after the teacher told him not to, refuses to Participate in class unless he wants to. He is currently failing 3 classes because of all these things.
> 
> The teachers have reached out to both parents and used words like “insubordination” “Disrespectful” “Disruptive behavior”.
> 
> My husband thinks the school should give his son detention or/fail him since this behavior is happening at school. I feel it should be my husband who should step up and Dish out the discipline for this behavior. What do you guys think?


Take the phone away. Then the game console, then the computer. Most when they lose enough of the things that are important to them with the understanding of how to get them back straighten up.


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## chazmataz33 (Apr 18, 2021)

Why does he still have a phone? I had a 14 year old stepson with the same problems.We ended up in court with him claiming I had attacked him! come to find out he was on drugs.Judge asked him where he got the drugs,his reply,I stole them from my Dad.He later stole my car in the middle of the nite and broke into a drug dealers house.So it looks like trouble ahead for your family.Changing a young mans attitude at 14 is a difficult task that involves cooperation from all involved,including your stepson.good luck with that!! Many times these problems will tear a family apart.


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

Katemiller said:


> My stepson who is 14 has a real Attitude problem and it’s now spilling over into school. He refuses to do homework, refuses help from teachers/Tutors, plays on his phone after the teacher told him not to, refuses to Participate in class unless he wants to. He is currently failing 3 classes because of all these things.
> ...


My advice is to detach from this. It isn't your responsibility. The only thing you should worry about is if the stepson is causing you any trouble at home. Limit yourself to that and let your husband deal with the rest. If he grows up to be a rotten failure, it isn't your problem or your concern.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Katemiller said:


> My stepson who is 14 has a real Attitude problem and it’s now spilling over into school. He refuses to do homework, refuses help from teachers/Tutors, plays on his phone after the teacher told him not to, refuses to Participate in class unless he wants to. He is currently failing 3 classes because of all these things.
> 
> The teachers have reached out to both parents and used words like “insubordination” “Disrespectful” “Disruptive behavior”.
> 
> My husband thinks the school should give his son detention or/fail him since this behavior is happening at school. I feel it should be my husband who should step up and Dish out the discipline for this behavior. What do you guys think?


One of the things that I would probably do is take him over to the ghetto side of town and show him how people live and explain to him that many of these people acted out as he is acting out and look where it got them. Then I would tell him that I don't want that to happen to him, but it could if he continuous his disobedient ways. 

You might also get him assessed for where he is grade-wise in his academic career. Sometimes non-performance in school is due to not having understood previous learned material, so he's not learning everything he should be. He could be frustrated because he's not understanding what he should be understanding.


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