# Wife - mood swings, depression



## amorous_1 (Nov 29, 2010)

OK, long story here. Complicated. Shocker I know. 

I am 34, my wife is 29. We have known each other for several years and been married for 2 next July. I met her while she was in flight school here in Montana. I had been here since 1995. No kids.

Before we got married my wife and I had conversations. I made it clear that I did not think the relationship would work out long term had she continued in her career path as a pilot. I do not have a college degree and in my field (IT technology) I am extremely lucky to have the job that I have now and the standard of living it provides in this low cost of living area. To quit my job and move an unknown number of times while she tries to establish herself in that career was not something I wanted to entertain. She understood and ceased going to flight school. She got a job at the airport here instead.

At times I feel like she is taking me for a ride on an emotional roller coaster. She misses seeing her family back in CA. They refuse (for the most part) to visit her here. She feels the need to visit them frequently. As in more than a few times a year. I support her in this. Unfortunately every time she goes down to see them she is depressed and moody for a while when she gets back. Typically she will snap out of it after a while. Ditto on the rare occasion they come to see her.

Another issue has come up on top of this one. She is not a "4 seasons" kind of girl and really detests the winter. So whenever the winter hits and things get ugly for a while we are again on the roller coaster. Warms up a bit, roads clear up, and she gets better. For a while.

These mood swings she has because of these issues are affecting me. I feel like I need confidence in my marriage and these things make me question the long term stability of the relationship.

I'm not sure what to do about it. We had a conversation a few months ago. She asked me if moving was a possibility. She desires to move away so she can be closer to her family and out of this climate. I was not happy, at all, to hear this.

Financially it seems to be a very foolish decision. I am 34 years old and I would be ditching a very good job with a good company and leaving to enter a competitive market in a very spendy area of the country. I have looked on craigslist and my job down there pays barely more than it does here - yet the cost of living is significantly higher. There would be so many sacrifices! We own a relatively nice home here and would not be able to afford one down there. We would have to live in an apartment. We would likely have to get rid of our dog. I would have to give up some hobbies that are important to me and which I have money invested in. One of them (semi automatic rifles) is illegal in CA. The other hobby, drag racing my car, would go bye-bye since I would have no place to keep the car down there. And I would be moving away from my family in this area. I have lived in CA for 12 years from '83-'95 and while I love the weather there isn't much else about it I find attractive at this point in my life.

Maybe there is nothing that can be done about it. I am hoping that over time she will just learn to accept the good with the bad, control her own emotions, and take ownership of her feelings. I feel like she is unintentionally painting me in to a corner here. If she expected me to drop everything and run to CA with her then it damn well should've been made crystal clear to me before we went through with a wedding! And yet here I am.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html


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## amorous_1 (Nov 29, 2010)

?

The stickies are nice but none of them are obviously pertinent to this particular situation.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Riptide said:


> ?
> 
> The stickies are nice but none of them are obviously pertinent to this particular situation.


I'm sorry you think that.

If she found you irresistably attractive, the other issues would fade to black.


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## amorous_1 (Nov 29, 2010)

I guess I shouldn't have bothered posting. Why bother since the answer to everything is to simply read some stickies, "man up", and then you'll never have another problem again.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Riptide said:


> I guess I shouldn't have bothered posting. Why bother since the answer to everything is to simply read some stickies, "man up", and then you'll never have another problem again.


Wow - no wonder your wife is so unimpressed.


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

You have a definite issue. Is it possible that her family is expressing unhappiness or doubts about you or your marriage when they visit? Or she visits them? It sounds like it goes beyond merely missing them. You might need to do some deeper digging on that. 
As for the weather? OMG...I couldn't imagine living where you do myself. I am not a cold weather person at all. Is it possible that your wife is suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder? I'd do some research, and see if it's possible. There are things you can do to lessen the symptoms. 
If her family isn't interfering in your marriage in any way, then would it be possible to allow her to visit more often? That might not be the greatest solution, only a temporary one at best. Maybe with time and maturity she can separate from her family with greater ease. 
Spend some more time with her if you can. Do the things that you did in the beginning of the relationship that made her want to give up flight school and remain in Montana with you. Good luck.


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## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

Perhaps she resents you because you asked her to stop following her dreams of being a pilot so that she could keep you.
I mean, she made that decision and now she has to live with it, but I can see to that adding to her depression.

Maybe you should encourage her to take up some hobbies? Maybe the answer is letting her fly for fun?


I for one have severe Seasonal Affective Disorder and I live in the southern states where it is significantly warmer in the winter months....but the lack of warmth and sunshine really do a number on my mood. I can always tell the downward spirals starts reight after daylight savings time.
Look into therapies for SAD.
Also, perhaps just talking to her about what is bothering her and get a dialogue going would help her feel validated and understood.
Maybe you need a counselor to moderate?

If all else fails- I would consider moving... I know you don't like the idea and aren't keen on leaving your current job, but what is more important- living where you do and keeping that job or your wife's mental stability and happiness?

I mean if the roles were reversed, do you think you would have left IT school for her, moved far away from your family for her? What if she refused to move somewhere for your mental well being?

just sayin'


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