# please help ... I messed up ... but I want to work it out



## wish_ (Mar 20, 2013)

Where am I?

Oh god .. try to summarize that. I love my wife. We have 2 very young kids. She says she loves me but is too tired to try to work on our marriage any longer. 

She agreed to go to marriage counselling though she did say she is leaning towards ending the marriage.

The summarized part of this that I have to take ownership of is that I have a temper and I lose it sometimes. I've really been working on controlling it and even she says that I'm much better. She says that she doesn't trust me any more because of past arguments.

The other part of it that I have to take ownership of is that the hours I work are too long and she has to take care of the kids by herself which is exhausting.

She has post-partum depression and a few other issues which belong to her (like bottling up her feelings and withdrawing from problems).

I don't know what to do. I fear that the marriage counselling is going to fail. I feel that if we could get over the current hump, we could work it out (like when the kids get a little older and her depression recedes and when I've managed my anger and temper for a longer period of time ... like a year say). 

I just don't know how to get us over the hump.

Does anyone have any advice of what to do or where to look? Can I ask our marriage counselor for advice one on one or would that be unfair and would he say no?

One of the things I can think of is that she needs a vacation. If I offered to take the kids for a week and let her go to a resort (which we can only sort of afford but ... hey its a lot cheaper than the alternative ... and she deserves it) do you think the break would help or the space away from us would make it worse.

Any advice is welcome. I am adrift.

Also if this is the wrong place to post ... I apologize ... I wasn't sure if this should go in the considering separation or divorce forum (but I don't want that to happen).


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## wish_ (Mar 20, 2013)

Kids are 1 and 3.

She is getting treatment for PPD and I think its pretty well managed. Though I am not a pro.

I have been coming home to help her the last month or so. I actually am responsible for the kids in the morning and by the time I get them to daycare and finish my hour long commute each way to work, I really can't get home much earlier than I do. But I'm trying to get home for bath time each day. Not always successfully. I am actually meeting another company tomorrow to see if they might have a job that would be a better fit for my situation. Hard to say in this day and age. 

We don't have reliable baby sitting where we live. My family lives too far away and her family is not comfortable with the responsibility. So unfortunately, there will be no trip away alone for the two of us. But perhaps a date night is a good idea. Can't hurt to ask her.

I think she feels that its too little too late.

Thanks Moxiesbuddy


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

She needs your confidence right now. She's lost hope and meeting the needs of the kids is taking what little energy she has left. She isn't seeing things very clearly right now otherwise she'd realize that being a single parent is going to be a lot harder. Date night is great. Allowing her a few days away without kids will probably also help. But when she talks of ending the marriage, just listen. Remind her you love her and though things are tough right now, they WILL get better. Give her your strength and confidence that you two will make it through this difficult time.


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