# How Do I Keep Living With A Boring Wife?



## solutions

Hello friends. 
I found this site through my search on google for a marriage forum.

I'm married but not happily married. I was introduced to a lady in 2005 by my Pastor as a suitable partner. When I visited her church, and saw her for the first time, my spirit was against any relationship with her. I never proposed to her and never saw her again until 2006 when our part crossed on my way home from the office. In 2007, she came to meet my Pastor and told him that while she was praying, she received a revelation that I'm her husband. I prayed after that but never received any direction from God. However, my pastor and some other church leaders advised me to marry her because they believed she is devouted, prayerful, sings very well, good looking and a good complement to me as a Minister of the Gospel.

After we started the relationship, I began to notice un-christianially character and attitudes in her. I told my Pastor and others about it but they kept telling me she will change after wedding and when she begins to have children. However, after wedding I further discovered that she is just religious but without christian character. She abuses, curses, quarrels at little things, keeps malice and unfriendly. 

Brethren, I'm really fed up with the relationship. I need help.

Thanks.


----------



## Syrum

I think everyone is unchristian at times. Is she cruel and mean? Is she all ways upset and critical of others?

I think you need to go to counseling and discover why you allowed others to override your better judgement.

A good husband makes his own decisions and is not pressured to do things he knows are not right for him, no matter who delivers the message.


----------



## Parrothead

solutions said:


> Hello friends.
> I found this site through my search on google for a marriage forum.
> 
> I'm married but not happily married. I was introduced to a lady in 2005 by my Pastor as a suitable partner. When I visited her church, and saw her for the first time, my spirit was against any relationship with her. I never proposed to her and never saw her again until 2006 when our part crossed on my way home from the office. In 2007, she came to meet my Pastor and told him that while she was praying, she received a revelation that I'm her husband. I prayed after that but never received any direction from God. However, my pastor and some other church leaders advised me to marry her because they believed she is devouted, prayerful, sings very well, good looking and a good complement to me as a Minister of the Gospel.
> 
> After we started the relationship, I began to notice un-christianially character and attitudes in her. I told my Pastor and others about it but they kept telling me she will change after wedding and when she begins to have children. However, after wedding I further discovered that she is just religious but without christian character. She abuses, curses, quarrels at little things, keeps malice and unfriendly.
> 
> Brethren, I'm really fed up with the relationship. I need help.
> 
> Thanks.


Well, I guess you will know better the next time anyone starts talking about "messages from God". I start looking for the exit when I hear that. You also know that your pastor's spiritual discernment is for the birds - I would consider changing churches.

If you don't mind me asking, what church is this?


----------



## solutions

Thanks Syrum for your reply.

To her almost everybody around is evil. She easily picks quarrel with neighbours and is critical of others. She is ungrateful. When you give her a gift or buy anything for her, she will reluntantly say thank you but few days or weeks after that she will pick a quarrel and say I have not done anything for her or give her anything before. She does this repeatedly.

The worse is that she hate been corrected when she does anything wrong. She will rather transfer the blame on me or the person she picks quarrel with.


----------



## Dadof3

Possible BPDer?


----------



## Parrothead

Dadof3 said:


> Possible BPDer?


I think there is more here than meets the eye...


----------



## Blanca

solutions said:


> However, my pastor and some other church leaders advised me to marry her because they believed she is devouted, prayerful, sings very well, good looking and a good complement to me as a Minister of the Gospel


So you married her because someone told you to, not because you wanted to, or because you actually love and value her, and you're surprised that she's not super friendly towards you?? 

You may think she's 'unchristian' but the truth is YOU sound heartless. You married a women you dont love and then expected her to fall in line. Give me a break...Look at the beam in your own eye first before trying to get the speck out of her's.


----------



## Jellybeans

Oh please...you married her because you chose to. Nobody 'made' you. And now you're dissatisfied with your decision....so what are you going to do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CallaLily

"How do I keep living with a boring wife?"

You make a choice. You either stay and try to fix it, stay and not try to fix it and continue on how its been, or you get out of the situation. 

Don't forget you have a hand in all of this too. You married her based on what others said to you, not because you truly loved her or wanted to.


----------



## RandomDude

> In 2007, she came to meet my Pastor and told him that while she was praying, she received a revelation that I'm her husband.


:rofl:

Well perhaps it was a revelation that you would be her FIRST husband, as a learning experience for both of you. Anyways being a Christian is a narrow path to walk, and it's every Christian's duty to resist becoming a religious pharisee.

Overall I think your God did good, good lessons here; never look to men for God. In your heart you knew it wasn't right.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Parrothead said:


> Well, I guess you will know better the next time anyone starts talking about "messages from God". I start looking for the exit when I hear that.


 I feel the same way. I think to myself under my breath "looney tune, looney tune, looney tune!" - and that is generally what they prove to be if you hang around them long enough & see none of their prophecys seem to come to pass. 

It sounds like your wife is definitely "religious"- not a true follower of Christ and his ways, but very judgemental & has possibly some other personality hangups -being overly critical, 2 faced -that for her, she hides behind her faith, feeling Jesus forgives her. Having such a label generally means very little.

Sounds like you never had any real passion for her to begin with but was led astray by mere religious MEN. I have heard others stories like yours, one man married when he was not physically attracted to his girlfriend -he KNEW IT - but all his christian brothers kept telling him "this is not important" - we are not supposed to LUST...this man has struggled mercilessly to DESIRE his wife his entire marraige of over 20 yrs now, he wont divorce her but he has had SEVERE depression, and he is in a near sexless marraige. So much to listening to our Brothers in the Lord. 

Best to divorce -who wants to be tied with someone who doesn't love , desire and value you. 

Although I missed something here....HOW is your wife BORING ??
Didn't get that part. Reading your replies , she is more of a judgemntal stuffy irritant coupled with some human weakness's like the majority of us have - if we feel FREE to express ourselves . 


I must admit I am very very curous WHAT you are *correcting *your wife about - as many christians , even UNintentionally so, come off as Holier than Thou -so much that the other person may not feel allowed to BE HUMAN -without correction. This will only cause defences, Rebellion or a shrieking away. IF you are guilty of this --I can see why she may be acting --or in this case REACTING in a distasteful way towards YOU. 

I used to be the "so called christian" in my house, I was the MORE judgemental of the 2 of us , my husband never cared for religion, seen it only as a Power Trip, a way to control the masses. HE ALWAYS had more of those "Fruits of the spirit" than Me. Kinda speaks volumes that it was "just religion" that had me bound. 

Many many fall into that trap. I know you feel she has, but any chance you have a little of that going on too?


----------



## Parrothead

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel the same way. I think to myself under my breath "looney tune, looney tune, looney tune!" - and that is generally what they prove to be if you hang around them long enough & see none of their prophecys seem to come to pass.....I used to be the "so called christian" in my house, I was the MORE judgemental of the 2 of us , my husband never cared for religion, seen it only as a Power Trip, a way to control the masses. HE ALWAYS had more of those "Fruits of the spirit" than Me. Kinda speaks volumes that it was "just religion" that had me bound.
> 
> Many many fall into that trap. I know you feel she has, but any chance you have a little of that going on too?


Sounds like you are still a bit on the judgmental side, especially when it comes to Christians and the church. 

No, I don't think "loony tune" when someone tells me they are getting messages from God, because I have no way of knowing. It's when people tell me that God gave them a message that involves me that I get wary. 

Unless I miss my guess I think our friend here is from one of those neo-Protestant denominations that teaches that they are all "ministers of the Gospel" and that any thought that enters their head must be a word from the Lord, whether it's a new revelation from the scriptures or a message to the congregation.

The fact that he married her in spite of his own better judgment on the advice of his "pastor" tells me that his notion of authority is misplaced. He's probably a Jehovah's Witness or a Mormon. 

Here's my advice to him: you can't cop out on this one. You need to love the wife of your youth, as the Bible says. Go to counseling with her, with a real marriage counselor, not those pinheads in your church, listening to them got you into this mess in the first place. 

And I would consider changing denominations. 

Everybody has problems. Love is manifested in your response to them. I have often said that love is a commitment, not a feeling, because feelings are notoriously unreliable. After all, the Christian's relationship to God is a commitment as well. Remember what the church is - the Bride of Christ - and in order to represent the church you need to mirror the Church's relationship to Christ in your own marriage. I have many Indian friends in arranged marriages who are very happy and in love with their spouses because of their level of commitment to them. It can be done.

Go in peace.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Parrothead said:


> Sounds like you are still a bit on the judgmental side, especially when it comes to Christians and the church.
> 
> No, I don't think "loony tune" when someone tells me they are getting messages from God, because I have no way of knowing. It's when people tell me that God gave them a message that involves me that I get wary.


If you have sat and witnessed some of the stuff I have- in some Bible Studies -things spoken, attitudes exposed, you MIGHT accually understand why I say the things I do. We all speak out of our experiences, it has become a part of us. 

I have personally witnessed Christians blaming demons for mental illness, too many blame any form of hardship on not paying your tithes (even when you are a single Mom struggling to put food on the table, a preachers wife telling her it would be better to sell her house -and her house is a very poor house- in comparison to the comfort & Beauty of the Preachers wife with a husband taking care of her), blaming sickness on not having enough faith (many start blaming themselves when they do not get healed- a good friend falling for this and going into diabetic shock when he felt he was healed), blaming sin on natural disasters (Like Jerry Falwell)-that the poor people in those countries brought it upon themselves, the list goes on. 

I do judge Fundamenalists (you are correct) they are impossible to talk too & reason with. They throw common sense completely out the window and beat you up with scripture proving their God is on their side in their judgements. 

I have witnessed people in my church hurt BADLY by the way others have used Scripture over them. Beleive it or not, I was treated pretty good, but I tend to take it all in what I see around me. One mother in my church even feels if you have a C-section, you missed God's call for a natural birth that was meant for you- some of these have posted links on FB with such topics. One mom I know shared with me how this lady made her feel because she was not able to deliver naturally, it was bad enough her child almost died, then she felt judged by her words cause she likely didn't have "enough faith" to deliver naturally, missed God's original plan. 

I am just a spectator - and it is all pretty fasinating how mankind , strapped with a little religion -how they carelessly use it on others. 

Give me the churches who want to feed the poor, visit the hospitals, sit by their bedsides, the prisons, help the lonely. Not making a big show of winning 10 souls over the week, pushing the Prosperity gospel , worshipping purity to such an degree that Toy Story 3 is forbidden to your teen becaues of the Barbie & Ken scene (I was told a mother in my church feels this way - my mouth should have hung open but accually I was not surprised to hear this) , feels all kids need to be Home schooled, cause heaven forbid they may hear something secular , and think Benny Hinn is an honorable man. 

I think I see more love in the world. 

This is pretty much the atmosphere I was a part of for a time and I took ALOT of judgement upon myself for NOT agreeing with them, even feeling my Reason was a scorge for a time-that God was not happy with me, so yeah, I will admit I am a bit screwed up and tend to be biased against christians at times. I am free from this now but I feel I wasted many years of my life taking it all " a bit too serious". 

Seen too many get hurt by it.


----------



## aug

Your title to this thread states you have a boring wife. It doesnt seem from what you have written that she is boring. She sounds like an interesting person for you to understand and enlighten.


----------



## southernmagnolia

Blanca said:


> So you married her because someone told you to, not because you wanted to, or because you actually love and value her, and you're surprised that she's not super friendly towards you??
> 
> You may think she's 'unchristian' but the truth is YOU sound heartless. You married a women you dont love and then expected her to fall in line. Give me a break...Look at the beam in your own eye first before trying to get the speck out of her's.


The ABOVE! DITTO!



solutions said:


> Thanks Syrum for your reply.
> 
> To her almost everybody around is evil. She easily picks quarrel with neighbours and is critical of others. She is ungrateful. When you give her a gift or buy anything for her, she will reluntantly say thank you but few days or weeks after that she will pick a quarrel and say I have not done anything for her or give her anything before. She does this repeatedly.
> 
> The worse is that she hate been corrected when she does anything wrong. She will rather transfer the blame on me or the person she picks quarrel with.



Let me get this straight, it's your job to correct a grown woman? And what exactly does your correction consist of?


OP, instead of handing your life over to God, you've handed your decision making ability and common sense over to MEN and the trappings of RELIGION and allowed them to tell you what choices to make and how to live instead of actually having a real relationship with God in your heart. Now you've got yourself into a marriage that you aren't happy with and what galls me is that you are blaming her when the blame is on yourself because you married a woman that you didn't love nor respect because some MEN and RELIGION told you to, not because God did.


----------



## RandomDude

@SimplyAmorous

I understand how you feel, but I use different terms for these "Christians" who hurt others. I call them churchies, the missus used to call them pharisees - and even Jesus stood against them.

Now sure, I'm a "pagan", but I still like the principles that the missus taught me years ago (before she became psycho), and she helped me understand Christianity on a spiritual side, and not a religious one.


----------



## Parrothead

SimplyAmorous said:


> If you have sat and witnessed some of the stuff I have- in some Bible Studies -things spoken, attitudes exposed, you MIGHT accually understand why I say the things I do.


What makes you think I haven't? I have seen all this and worse - so bad I can't even recount it. 



> I have personally witnessed Christians blaming demons for mental illness, too many blame any form of hardship on not paying your tithes (even when you are a single Mom struggling to put food on the table, a preachers wife telling her it would be better to sell her house -and her house is a very poor house- in comparison to the comfort & Beauty of the Preachers wife with a husband taking care of her), blaming sickness on not having enough faith (many start blaming themselves when they do not get healed- a good friend falling for this and going into diabetic shock when he felt he was healed), blaming sin on natural disasters (Like Jerry Falwell)-that the poor people in those countries brought it upon themselves, the list goes on.


That is not the Christianity I know. That is the 19th century neo-Protestantism I have spoken of, which is about as far away from the original reformers as you can get. The problem is that this is the only thing most non-believers know. 



> I do judge Fundamenalists (you are correct) they are impossible to talk too & reason with. They throw common sense completely out the window and beat you up with scripture proving their God is on their side in their judgements.


That is just a label people use. I consider myself "fundamentalist" - that is, orthodox. Reason with me. 



> I have witnessed people in my church hurt BADLY by the way others have used Scripture over them. Beleive it or not, I was treated pretty good, but I tend to take it all in what I see around me. One mother in my church even feels if you have a C-section, you missed God's call for a natural birth that was meant for you- some of these have posted links on FB with such topics. One mom I know shared with me how this lady made her feel because she was not able to deliver naturally, it was bad enough her child almost died, then she felt judged by her words cause she likely didn't have "enough faith" to deliver naturally, missed God's original plan.


I, too, am one of those people who has been hurt by people like that. The difference between us is that I didn't throw the baby out with the bathwater.



> I am just a spectator - and it is all pretty fasinating how mankind , strapped with a little religion -how they carelessly use it on others.


I say that some people's so-called "spirituality" is just another religion in a different wrapper to make themselves feel superior. There is nothing wrong with religion, it's just like anything else. Some people use it for good, others misuse it for their own purposes. Anybody who judges a belief system by it's misuse is a bigot. 



> Give me the churches who want to feed the poor, visit the hospitals, sit by their bedsides, the prisons, help the lonely.


They exist, I know of several. Prison ministry and hospital ministry has always been our focus. 



> Not making a big show of winning 10 souls over the week, pushing the Prosperity gospel , worshipping purity to such an degree that Toy Story 3 is forbidden to your teen becaues of the Barbie & Ken scene (I was told a mother in my church feels this way - my mouth should have hung open but accually I was not surprised to hear this) , feels all kids need to be Home schooled, cause heaven forbid they may hear something secular , and think Benny Hinn is an honorable man.


I don't like this any more than you do. So?



> This is pretty much the atmosphere I was a part of for a time and I took ALOT of judgement upon myself for NOT agreeing with them, even feeling my Reason was a scorge for a time-that God was not happy with me, so yeah, I will admit I am a bit screwed up and tend to be biased against christians at times. I am free from this now but I feel I wasted many years of my life taking it all " a bit too serious".
> 
> Seen too many get hurt by it.


Seek and you shall find. In my case it was in the last place I looked.


----------



## RandomDude

> Some people use it for good, others misuse it for their own purposes. Anybody who judges a belief system by it's misuse is a bigot.


At the same time it's actually very unfair to judge individuals for their use or misuse with a belief system, as it does tend to have a 'shepherd/sheep' structure to them. Shall we judge the sheep for merely following?

There are belief systems out there that need to be addressed and held accountable for the damages and frauds they have performed. One such instance is the missus' church, the biggest church in Sydney, which is very popular and on the surface they look very anointed, beneath the surface however, hides a rather dark side to it.


----------



## Parrothead

RandomDude said:


> At the same time it's actually very unfair to judge individuals for their use or misuse with a belief system, as it does tend to have a 'shepherd/sheep' structure to them.


That is not what I said. What I said was "anybody who judges a belief system by it's misuse is a bigot". It's just like anybody who judges a group by the actions of an individual, or anybody who judges a race by the individual. It's about time people started owning their bigotry, wouldn't you agree?



> Shall we judge the sheep for merely following?


Who is judging the sheep?



> There are belief systems out there that need to be addressed and held accountable for the damages and frauds they have performed.


By who? To me it's always interesting that it's the non-believers who want to tell Christians how to live, as if they would know. Yet the same people are always accusing Christianity of trying to tell them how to live. 



> One such instance is the missus' church, the biggest church in Sydney, which is very popular and on the surface they look very anointed, beneath the surface however, hides a rather dark side to it.[/


In America people get to face their accusers in court. If you know of anything illegal going on, make your charge. Otherwise, it's just slander.


----------



## Parrothead

We can continue this in another thread if you wish.


----------



## Soccerfan73

I'm not religious, so I don't care about that side bar honestly. 

However, you really should be honest about if this is a relationship you truly want to continue if you are completely Incompatible. 

It's not only unfair to you, but it's unfair to her to be in a marriage where she isn't loved.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Parrothead, the truth is ....I did NOT leave christianity over what people have done to me or Hypocrites at all, I have always been a questioner. But I WAS always troubled at how judgemental the people in my church was about near everything. It never sat well with me. They are more extreme than most. 

I used to want to argue many things in the bible with others, I would go to Forums, I used to be on thier side! But some people said things that I could not dispute, so I took to learning ----I eventually spent 2 years studying the Doctrines of the faith, where they came from, those who had faught against them..... what I came to realize during that time was... I have always thought more in line with the Heretics. I do not agree with the Original Sin Doctirne, nor do I beleve in the Trinity, so it is really NOt throwing the baby out with the bath water at all, it is just finally admitting I was never one to begin with. I might have confessed with my mouth many things, but I really had no idea what I was confessing too, things I never understood. 

But Yes, I am angry because many of these Churchies, Pharasees, whatever you call them, much of thier teachings have affected alot of my earlier thinking and I felt it robbed some parts of my life and experience. Unless you have walked in my shoes , I can not expect you to understand this. 

I do not feel Martin Luther was a good man either, did you ever read his "On Jews & their Lies" written 3 yrs before this death, There is a reason this is in the Holocaust museums...
.....*what HE penned , Hitler carried out*. Should these things NOT anger us? 

On the Jews and Their Lies - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I just don't think that is OK, but we spout he was a Holy man used by God. 

My oldest is a Worship Leader, Youth Leader, wanna Youth Paster - we get along better than most Moms & sons, we LOVE 
the debate, he tells me I sharpen his mind & keep him balanced, most of my friends ARE Christians, I do not hate Christians. And for the ones who can still tolerate me for not being one, more blessings upon you. Cause I am really not all that bad. I just don't agree with your doctrines, I think they utiminately do MORE harm than Good, and pour more judgement on people than loving them for ...simply being human.


----------



## mr.miketastic

Parrothead said:


> Well, I guess you will know better the next time anyone starts talking about "messages from God". I start looking for the exit when I hear that. You also know that your pastor's spiritual discernment is for the birds - I would consider changing churches.
> 
> If you don't mind me asking, what church is this?


A revelation from on high to one person, is merely hearsay to another


----------



## Parrothead

SimplyAmorous said:


> Parrothead, the truth is ....I did NOT leave christianity over what people have done to me or Hypocrites at all, I have always been a questioner.


As am I. Christianity is not lacking for answers, it is lacking apologists who know what they are talking about. 



> But I WAS always troubled at how judgemental the people in my church was about near everything. It never sat well with me. They are more extreme than most.


ALL people are judgmental, they are just judgmental about different things. 



> I used to want to argue many things in the bible with others, I would go to Forums, I used to be on thier side! But some people said things that I could not dispute, so I took to learning ----I eventually spent 2 years studying the Doctrines of the faith, where they came from, those who had faught against them..... what I came to realize during that time was... I have always thought more in line with the Heretics.


Well, I can dispute them. Try me.



> I do not agree with the Original Sin Doctirne, nor do I beleve in the Trinity, so it is really NOt throwing the baby out with the bath water at all, it is just finally admitting I was never one to begin with. I might have confessed with my mouth many things, but I really had no idea what I was confessing too, things I never understood.


Again, the answers are out there, you just didn't get them where you were.



> But Yes, I am angry because many of these Churchies, Pharasees, whatever you call them, much of thier teachings have affected alot of my earlier thinking and I felt it robbed some parts of my life and experience. Unless you have walked in my shoes , I can not expect you to understand this.


I _have_ walked in your shoes. This may come as a shock to you, but I was once an atheist myself, I was once a Pagan myself, I was once a skeptic myself. 



> I do not feel Martin Luther was a good man either, did you ever read his "On Jews & their Lies" written 3 yrs before this death, There is a reason this is in the Holocaust museums...
> .....*what HE penned , Hitler carried out*. Should these things NOT anger us?
> 
> On the Jews and Their Lies - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> I just don't think that is OK, but we spout he was a Holy man used by God.


Yes, and David was an adulterer and a murderer, Paul was a mass murderer, Peter was a traitor, Thomas was a skeptic, but these men were all used by God. Judging them is just...well, judgmental, which is what you said you were trying to get away from. 



> My oldest is a Worship Leader, Youth Leader, wanna Youth Paster - we get along better than most Moms & sons, we LOVE
> the debate, he tells me I sharpen his mind & keep him balanced, most of my friends ARE Christians, I do not hate Christians. And for the ones who can still tolerate me for not being one, more blessings upon you. Cause I am really not all that bad. I just don't agree with your doctrines, I think they utiminately do MORE harm than Good, and pour more judgement on people than loving them for ...simply being human.


Hey, I didn't give you any noise about your use of porn - give me a break.


----------



## freshstart

Hi,

I agree with Blanca. You made those choices to walk with your wife and made a covenant with your God to remain married until death do you part. The excuses beyond this do not matter, you have to make it work. Just think of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us when he walked this earth and the pain he had to endure, it is nothing compared to our current struggles so if he can do it with unconditional love so can we. I do know how you feel though..I sometimes feel that I made the wrong decision when I married my husband but I blame myself not him. I ask God for forgiveness and ask Him to take over but he only will once you relinquish control. I pray that you ignore all the negative banter and back and forth about the problem you are having...only God can change things. I would recommend that you start praying for your wife daily that she changes and God makes her a virtuous woman. I've read a wonderful book you may already have heard of: The Power of a Praying Wife. I like it because it gives specific prayers for you about specific issues so you would of course get the book The Power of a Praying Husband. I hope this helps. Of course, you can also read the bible, it has answers for everything that we g through if we are open to receive the messages. God Bless Your Marriage.


----------



## cb45

the truth is ....I did NOT leave christianity over what people have done to me or Hypocrites at all, I have always been a questioner. But I WAS always troubled at how judgemental the people in my church was about near everything. It never sat well with me. They are more extreme than most. ---SA

Truth is, u r not quite telling the "truth" OR, are changing yer tune/tactics, oh buddhist, athiest, hari-krishna WHATEVER U ARE. 

Methinks PHead "nailed" ya good (accurately) when he pointed
out yer own judgmentalism/istic thoughts/words. Hyprocracy isnt OWNED by christians alone, it seems. selah.

we all fall short of the glory of God (in the flesh) and need
forgivenss daily. its not so bad that u disagree with us 
christians, but per yer many/old posts pointing out the fallacies
of christianity (and Jesus himself....the real barn burner!) based
on human beings folliables etc, is ludcrious coming from one who
claims she once was a christian.

for if u truly ever were christian, u'd know not to judge others
(especially brethren) as they too have a work, a walk to do with
Jesus Christ as they go along in their life.

furthermore, u'd point out their sin, their shortcomings, *in love*, and not take their "faults/sins" as excuse to leave, put down the whole order, unless u plan on at least being
consistent and do likewise to yer buddhist buddies as well.

in time, perhaps?


----------



## solutions

SimplyAmorous said:


> I feel the same way. I think to myself under my breath "looney tune, looney tune, looney tune!" - and that is generally what they prove to be if you hang around them long enough & see none of their prophecys seem to come to pass.
> 
> It sounds like your wife is definitely "religious"- not a true follower of Christ and his ways, but very judgemental & has possibly some other personality hangups -being overly critical, 2 faced -that for her, she hides behind her faith, feeling Jesus forgives her. Having such a label generally means very little.
> 
> Sounds like you never had any real passion for her to begin with but was led astray by mere religious MEN. I have heard others stories like yours, one man married when he was not physically attracted to his girlfriend -he KNEW IT - but all his christian brothers kept telling him "this is not important" - we are not supposed to LUST...this man has struggled mercilessly to DESIRE his wife his entire marraige of over 20 yrs now, he wont divorce her but he has had SEVERE depression, and he is in a near sexless marraige. So much to listening to our Brothers in the Lord.
> 
> Best to divorce -who wants to be tied with someone who doesn't love , desire and value you.
> 
> Although I missed something here....HOW is your wife BORING ??
> Didn't get that part. Reading your replies , she is more of a judgemntal stuffy irritant coupled with some human weakness's like the majority of us have - if we feel FREE to express ourselves .
> 
> 
> I must admit I am very very curous WHAT you are *correcting *your wife about - as many christians , even UNintentionally so, come off as Holier than Thou -so much that the other person may not feel allowed to BE HUMAN -without correction. This will only cause defences, Rebellion or a shrieking away. IF you are guilty of this --I can see why she may be acting --or in this case REACTING in a distasteful way towards YOU.
> 
> I used to be the "so called christian" in my house, I was the MORE judgemental of the 2 of us , my husband never cared for religion, seen it only as a Power Trip, a way to control the masses. HE ALWAYS had more of those "Fruits of the spirit" than Me. Kinda speaks volumes that it was "just religion" that had me bound.
> 
> Many many fall into that trap. I know you feel she has, but any chance you have a little of that going on too?


You really understand the situation. I'm not claiming to be a perfect man but I understand what the scriptures says about "by their fruits you will know them" Apart from all the religious activities she engages in, little will anybody know she is a Christian judging by her character. I'm a romantic person but she the opposite. Sex to her is a burden except for child bearing. I'm not comfortable going out with her because of her public attitudes that makes me feel ashamed. For a little family issue, she can just come to my office and challenge me. My little nephew went to the market with her recently and came back with the report that my wife was just getting unnecessarily angree with traders who doesn't agree with her price for the stuff she wants to buy, which is while I stopped going to the market or any function with her again. 

Like some said, I agree that I was too sheepish to have allowed other people influence my decision. But you see, I was an associate Pastor in that church at that time and just trying to be obedient to church leadership in order not to be seen as disobedient or rebellious to advises. But now I know better and I'm already advising singles not to make the same mistake.

The Pastors who advised me then that she will change after our wedding and when she started having babies are now surprised that she hasn't changed as they anticipated. When I informed the Pastor that I'm planning to separate, he said it is against the scriptures. 

Thank you all for your comments.
I love this forum.


----------



## Danielson67

My advice might not help you right now, but spiritually speaking beware of anyone who tells you they have heard from God about a direction you should take in your life. If God doesn't confirm it to you personally (if it is regarding something not stated specifically in the Bible that we know we are to be doing...) then toss it out. As far as the marriage goes, I suggest you get some really solid Bible based counselling from a reputable (not your pastor or anyone connected to your church), third party counsellor who doesn't know either you or your wife. Consider finding a new church... just by your short explanation it sounds a bit "cultish" to me. All the best...


----------



## Ithamar

Blanca said:


> You may think she's 'unchristian' but the truth is YOU sound heartless. You married a women you dont love .


Blanca riveted the truth about your marriage. So often Christians criticize arranged marriages i Africa and the Muslim world and they have been correct in doing so. Have you ever seen or witnessed a truly happy Arab marriage? Look here, there aren't any, everything else is sugarcoating. This is because they are forced to marry, at the minimum, cousins but at the maximum, the criteria is quickly shifted to wealth and I mean, mega wealth where a non-family member will overturn the tradition simply by proving his wealth.

Yours, unfortunately, was an arranged marriage as well. Truth is, you didn't love the woman you now chastise for attitude, and bla bla... Working as a reporter in one of the Arab North African countries, I fell in love with an Arab girl whom I thought was the most liberal. Surprisingly, she was indeed free-minded. I found she grew up in France where her father was a professor at a university. Astonishingly, the parents approved her going out with me and many times invited me over to their house for dinners and tea. That alone gave me the strongest hope that I have found my soul-mate and we loved each other so much. Time came when I had to leave the country and I asked if she could leave with me. Bwoy oh bwoy... was I struck by a locomotive engine?

After dating her for over two years and doing the couple's thingi normal, she blatantly told me it was impossible to leave with me and was even more impossible to marry me. I wondered for days why she didn't tell me she was already betrothed to a cousin who work in a certain port city. We planned escape routes for her but were all possible disasters.

I have always told myself that had I managed to smuggle her to my country Canada, this woman would have been the first happily married Arab woman because we truly loved each other, or was it really..?.

It may help if you went for counselling but y'll have to do so with a different group, not the ignorant animals you claimed were the cause of your unhappiness. Personally, I don't believe in counselling where another person is involved, in this case, your wife.Retreats and moments of thinking seriously would do for me and I have gone through hell as well with relationships.


----------



## unbelievable

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Cor. 13.4-5

I'm not sure why God saw fit to match you with your wife, but I always assume He has a plan and that plan is what's best. Her performance as a wife isn't your problem. That's a duty she owes God and. Your duty is to fulfill your role as husband and to take care of His daughter the best way you can even if circumstances are not ideal. 
The Bible says that in the last days, "because iniquity shall abound, the love of many will wax cold." It shouldn't surprise any believer that the enemy would attack marriages with such zeal. If your goal was to destroy faith and happiness, wouldn't you concentrate on ruining marriages? You and your wife live on a very active battleground and prophesy tells us things will get worse. Resist the temptation of turning against her and realize who your real enemy is. Regardless of whether your wife is boring or exciting, short, tall, fat, thin, loud, quiet, you can have a loving marriage. God doesn't lie. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." He knows what you and your wife need far better than either of you or anyone on this forum.


----------



## diamondmate

I guess you cant just divorce her because it was in the bible that you cant just marry another woman if she is not cheating you first.

____________

 free money online poker


----------

