# How to stop obsessing



## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

Somehow I have to snap out of this!

I find myself obsessing all day about the marriage. It's like I can't stop googling my husband doesn't love me, etc.

The insomnia has been terrible. 

This is really affecting me to where I am failing school. 

I just started seeing a therapist.

How can I stop obsessing so much over the end of my marriage?


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## Jen65 (Nov 27, 2015)

Think it's normal to search google were trying to understand how, why, but try to distance yourself a little bit a time


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

By accepting it.


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## Catcake86 (Nov 26, 2015)

I'm doing the exact same thing... I'm trying to do the 180, but having a hard time. My husband and I have been separated a few weeks and it kills me to think of us not being together. Give it time though, things have to get better


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I too struggle with how to let things go. I have an innate drive to fix things and, especially when other people are involved, that is rarely easy and sometimes impossible. That is what you, and I, must come understand. We cannot accomplish the impossible. We can only do our very best. If that is insufficient to produce the results we desire then we simply have no further control over the situation and must then face whatever results do come no matter how unpleasant they seem.

One thing I have found that helps me somewhat is that the reality of a situation is usually a far cry from my minds projection of it. We have coping mechanisms that allow us to face reality but they help us little with our minds worry. We struggle to find an answer before we are actually faced with the issue and that is not possible. As cliche as it sounds, you must just let go and live one day at a time. I wish us both success.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Love Cat ~

It is tough to stop obsessing, very tough for different people. I believe it is in our nature from birth on how people handle life. Therapy helps, keeping busy helps, trying to understand your individual personality helps. 

Decades ago, I was a nurse in the newborn nursery in a hospital. One day a Pediatrician came into examine a baby. He commented on how this baby was laid back. We started to talk and he told me he could tell what type of adult the baby would likely be.

Some babies lie there quietly and rarely cry. They could stay in a wet or dirty diaper all day long. If something is dropped on the nursery floor, they don't care. If the light comes on, they don't startle.

Then there are some babies that just cannot settle down. They are jumpy and cry and just seem uptight. You bump into their bassinet and they freak out. Go to them to check their diaper and they overreact. 

Our nervous systems are formed in utero and there is only so much we can do to change the way we are.

I am a hyper-type, minds always thinking and therefore I keep repeating and going over my marriage, my STBX and his girlfriend a lot. I want to know if they are together, what are they doing, blah, blah, blah.

It is quite obsessive but that is the way I am. I can find out what he spends online by his credit card purchases, follow him with his car EZ Pass, log onto Facebook even look at his travel plans on United airlines. 

I know, it's totally insane. I get it. I am only hurting myself BUT believe it or not, I AM getting better. We were married 33 years so it's going to take time.

Some people can let things go or drop it but others have a tougher time. My STBX just blocks out life, puts it on the back burner or whatever. Just goes on with life and hardly looks back.

Is he worried about me? No. 
Is he thinking about me? No way.
Is he obsessing about me? Nope! 

Obsessing is part of your personality/behavior and you could take medications to help, learn behavior modification, talk therapy and just keep busy. 

I am not sure if I made sense or if I helped you.

VH


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## lovecat (Jul 31, 2015)

Yeah I think I'm naturally a fixer, problem solver, a researcher, etc. That makes me really good at my job but not so much in personal life.

I don't want him anymore and just wish he would move out. I suspect if he wasn't in my face 247, it would be easier to stop obsessing.

I do take meds and have just started therapy.


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