# dating someone with kids



## rep (Jun 11, 2012)

I love kids but my current on again/off agian girlfriends son is soo hyper. Im thinking, why would I move on if I could never imagine living with her son??
I have never met a kid I didnt like,, or at least get along with. This child is a good kid but wow,,,, I call him the tazmanian devil bc he comes in spinning and never stops. He also doesnt listen to me when Im not pleased with his beahviour. 
How do you guys/gals deal with dating and kids


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I suggest that you read a book on step parenting. I know you are not a step parent, but the same rules apply.

"Stepparenting: Everything You Need to Know to Make it Work" by Jeannette Lofas, is a good one.

I don't know how long you have been dating her, but it's really best to not meet the children of someone you are dating until there is a decision that this is a permanent relationship. But I guess it's too late for that now. 

Is this kids father around much?

Have you asked her if her son is like this all the time? If he is not me might just be putting on a show for you.. whating your attention. 

You really have no business trying to discipline him. He is not your child.

When I first divorced my son's father I made the mistake of b bringing over a guy from my high school reunion. We had been sort of friends in high school. So we started to 'sort of date'. Well this guy went right into the 'father' mode around my son. He was telling my son what to do. He would complain to me about what he saw as my son misbehaving.

My son really disliked this guy. The guy trying to parent my son made it worse. I started to not allow him over when my son was with me. Eventually I just stopped see him.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It would depend on how old this kid is and his mother's reaction to his behavior. If she doesn't seem to notice or care, if he also doesn't listen to her, odds are she's not taking her parenting role seriously and that is a sign of neglect. If she can't be bothered to care for her own child (and training and discipline is part of caring), I wouldn't trust her to take her role as wife any more seriously. 
Where is this kid's father and why isn't he with her? Things would have to be pretty awful with the mother before I'd leave my young son. If she tells you the child's father was an abusive alcoholic or a psycho, remember that kid is carrying half that DNA. You can heavily influence a child through love and training, but genetics does contribute a great deal to who they are.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Tasmanian not Tazmanian


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## cheburg123 (Dec 10, 2012)

I have kids yet am not a 'kid person' I had fear of meeting gf's child (and we knew to wait extended period of time for introductions) I used to call our night out 'date nights' and would only schedule when all kids were with babysitters/ex's. 
This is not a long term solution but it may provide time and space for you to decide if current gf is worth the effort and stress of learning to deal with child.
When you do choose to include him you could try zoo, playground, park...large public areas to provide room and noise level to allow him to do his own thing and maybe not annoy you as much. Having smoother, calmer times like this may help ease into relationship where homelife with child is more bearable and understandable.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

rep said:


> I love kids but my current on again/off agian girlfriends son is soo hyper. Im thinking, why would I move on if I could never imagine living with her son??
> I have never met a kid I didnt like,, or at least get along with. This child is a good kid but wow,,,, I call him the tazmanian devil bc he comes in spinning and never stops. He also doesnt listen to me when Im not pleased with his beahviour.
> How do you guys/gals deal with dating and kids


75% divorce rate in second marriages and the reason why is the kids. As a stepfather (and ESPECIALLY a boyfriend) you have no standing or say if the mother isn't on board with you and especially if the father is involved. I can tell you a hundred stories about marriages of people that I have personally known that were destroyed because of their spouse's kids from prior marriage. 

I personally would never get into a serious relationship or marry someone with children that aren't grown up and out of the house. That's no guarantee either as I have adult friends who have problems with adult children as well but at least it would lessen the odds. A childless person would be a big plus in my book! I really don't want to be involved in someone else's family life. I want no part of it. I've raised my kids already and don't expect or want someone else to become involved with them and I don't want to be spending time with someone else's kids at all. Fortunately I'm in an age group where people don't tend to have young children anymore. I don't mind older kids, teenagers, etc. I'm not into toddlers or young kids below 10 at all. 

I have two kids myself (D18 and S15) and wouldn't introduce someone into their lives nor have someone move in with me, getting married, etc. Then again I don't want ANYONE moving with me and I don't want to get married. 

My advice if that you can't deal with her kid is to move on and save yourself a lot of grief because chances are it'll be a dealbreaker anyway.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I had a not so easy child to raise from my first marriage. When my husband dated me, he knew this. Once we married we were on the same page as far as parenting goes. He did a mighty fine job helping me raise her. I couldn't of asked for a better father for my children.


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I wouldn't last long in a relationship like that because I'd have to put my foot down. I love kids as much as the next guy, but out of control hyperactive kids need focus to direct that energy into something productive.

And doesn't listen to his elders? Sounds spoiled. This is just a wild guess, but I'm willing to bet his father isn't there for him or treats him more as a friend then a son.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Maybe he has ADHD or something? My son has that and he was REALLY HYPER when he was younger. Drove me batty!


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## Serenity_Prayer (Oct 31, 2012)

If he behaved that way because his mom and dad don't make him mind, then I'd be out of there because the kid will always be that way. If he had ADD or something, then I'd probably tolerate it more if his mom and dad were doing their best and the kid was good in general.

As for step-parenting, I've been there, and I was "like a mom", because sometimes when he visited, his dad had to work and I was the only parent, and he eventually lived with us. I told people he was my kid, and that I had three children (gave birth to two). How would that have worked if my stepkid didn't have to listen to me?


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