# SPINOFF: From the porn debate. Do Men who watch porn fantasize about actresses during sex?



## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

This poll is only for men. But anyone is welcome to discuss it. 

So in one of the other porn spinoff threads there are some women that are absolutely sure that men watching porn are fantasizing about the actresses when having sex. Most of the male posters do not indicate that this is true for them. I thought it would be interesting to ask the men, that watch porn, if they are thinking about porn actresses during sex. 

For those men who answer please indicate what you think porn does for you mentally.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I voted yes because I use to watch a lot of porn.

It wasn't all the time that I brought images into play and I honestly didn't fantasize about a specific person but more the situation, sex act and responsiveness or heat of a certain scene.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I'll just respond maybe a little sidebar. And my usual caveat, I'm not pro/con on porn, I just don't automatically condemn persons who view it without it causing M problems. 

During sex re thinking about anyone other than W;
Couple things. One, I always turn on lights, I like to see DW naked.
Two, I always have my eyes open, always. DW finds that amusing.
3, I can only think about one thing at a time when having sex, and it's always what I'm doing with DW. No room for others.

Guess that's 3 things.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'll just wait for the women to show up and tell me what I think.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

That's not fair.












Mr. Nail said:


> I'll just wait for the women to show up and tell me what I think.


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## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

No one could ever feel as right and as good as my wife. There is a big difference between reality and fantasy and reality is better. I like to look at the visuals but it is no substitute for the emotions or the release involved in a real relationship


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

minimalME said:


> That's not fair.


Life's not fair, I'd get in trouble if I mentioned the username of the woman who will show up to tell me what I'm thinking.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Life's not fair, I'd get in trouble if I mentioned the username of the woman who will show up to tell me what I'm thinking.


You should have your eyes checked. There is more than one of them.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

When I was married, I never thought about my wife during sex towards the end (the last 4 years). She made sex a horrible thing for me and made me feel awful for even wanting it. I turned to porn most days. 

Now that I am with a sex positive gf, I don’t think of porn when I am having sex with her. I really don’t think of anything or anyone besides her. Like someone else said, we have sex with the lights on, which is very important. Men are visually stimulated. We are really into one another. My need for porn has also decreased due to our sex life. We don’t live together and sometimes we don’t see each other for a week or longer. However, the sex is awesome so I can hold out and wait and look forward to it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I voted 'other' because I'm waiting for @maquiscat to show up and tell me I'm wrong and I don't understand the finer distinctions of perversions.🤣 Also, just to throw off the poll because I'm a little overwhelmed with all of the know-it-all men around here and feeling a bit spiteful. So, there!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

So grumpy. 












Mr. Nail said:


> Life's not fair,


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> I'll just wait for the women to show up and tell me what I think.


I'll happily oblige. You would check all 3 including 'other' because you would really like for your wife to talk to you.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

It very well could be true that I fantasize about my wife talking to me, or about an actress talking to me, I'll check at the next opportunity. It might even happen this year.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

leftfield said:


> You should have your eyes checked. There is more than one of them.


Too much porn use, clearly.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> I voted 'other' because I'm waiting for @maquiscat to show up and tell me I'm wrong and I don't understand the finer distinctions of perversions.🤣 Also, just to throw off the poll because I'm a little overwhelmed with all of the know-it-all men around here and feeling a bit spiteful. So, there!


Well you ruined everything. We might as well delete the whole post now.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

leftfield said:


> This poll is only for men. But anyone is welcome to discuss it.
> 
> So in one of the other porn spinoff threads there are some women that are absolutely sure that men watching porn are fantasizing about the actresses when having sex. Most of the male posters do not indicate that this is true for them. I thought it would be interesting to ask the men, that watch porn, if they are thinking about porn actresses during sex.
> 
> For those men who answer please indicate what you think porn does for you mentally.


Not really. For me it's more about the actions therein. When the fantasy comes up, it's usually my wives or playmates in place of the female actresses.

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> I voted 'other' because I'm waiting for @maquiscat to show up and tell me I'm wrong and I don't understand the finer distinctions of perversions. Also, just to throw off the poll because I'm a little overwhelmed with all of the know-it-all men around here and feeling a bit spiteful. So, there!


They're your fantasies. Why would you be wrong in them? It's one thing to correct a category something is in. I won't ever tell you, you are right or wrong to not like a particular fetish, or should or shouldn't fantasize about it. You can even fantasize and never want to put it into practice. 

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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I dont think its so much actresses, but women they have seen in porn, or maybe a young woman they are eyeing up at work.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Life's not fair, I'd get in trouble if I mentioned the username of the woman who will show up to tell me what I'm thinking.


How about those men who think they know more than the women what women think. I find that quite funny.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

:::SNORT:::


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> I dont think its so much actresses, but women they have seen in porn, or maybe a young woman they are eyeing up at work.


Oh please. Why do women think they know what men are fantasizing about anyway?


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> How about those men who think they know more than the women what women think. I find that quite funny.


Didn’t you just do that same thing in your last post? LOL


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

leftfield said:


> I thought it would be interesting to ask the men, that watch porn, if they are thinking about porn actresses during sex.
> 
> For those men who answer please indicate what you think porn does for you mentally.


When I have sex with someone I have always thought of the person I am having sex with, because I am completely present with who I have sex with.

And on the occasions I look at pornography (which isn't all the time or that often), I frequently imagine my wife in that pose or doing that act.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I dont think its so much actresses, but women they have seen in porn, or maybe a young woman they are eyeing up at work.


The women in porn are actresses. What else would you call them?

What does the woman at work have to do with porn? A man could never ever look at porn and still fantasize about the woman at work. Are you going to tell men they can't work around women?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If I was having all these thoughts about porn stars and fantasizing about them during sex and comparing my SO to them, I would wind up losing my wood from all the overthinking and such. I have never, and wouldn’t want to think of anyone but the person I’m with. 

I suspect that’s why so many women have unfulfilling sex and can't orgasm and such...., they’ve got too many bs thoughts going through their brains.

This crap of accusing men of thinking about porn stars or other women during sex.....I believe it’s like a cheater accusing their partner of cheating— displacement..
These women must think men have women in their heads during sex, because they are thinking of other men during sex. I closed my eyes during sex a lot with the woman that I enjoyed sex with the most in my life. She asked if I was thinking of someone else and that’s why my eyes were closed. Crazy!!! She was the one I craved sex with the most. It was her that was in my head daily if I had any sexual thoughts.... yet I still was Accused out of insecurity.

Women are not nearly as smart as they think they are when it comes to knowing what a man is thinking...


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

The only way I could find myself in a situation of thinking about the porn actress would be if I was watching that actress at the very moment I was screwing my wife. My eyes would be on the big screen, my sensations would come from my wife. That though never happens, so no.

If I think back to the porn clips I've watched, I can't actually remember any actresses, what I do remember is the awesome squirting scene or when the guy pinned her against the wall and went to town or that ass that was really bouncing on that guy's ****.

I agree with Evinrude58, there is a lot of projection going on here. Why? Neurologically men and women are wired differently. When two men are talking they rarely sit face to face, they sit by each other and talk and look off somewhere else. When two women talk, they sit face to face and engage. In engineering careers, women engineers usually migrate away from the abstract work and move over into project management. Women are more people oriented. Generally speaking. So what is going on with porn? Of course women are going to see the people in the porn. Men are not focused on the people, they're focusing on the action, on the payoff, on the acrobatics of contorting the bodies in various ways. It's the visuals which matter to men, not the people on screen or the emotion of the two people on screen.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Due to high demand as well as sub-par semen production capacity at my age I am no longer able to waste it by watching porn.

However, at times I do close my eyes with my partner, as I'm not always in my preferred position nor in a position to change it (for example, when one of us is nearing climax in a certain position), nor am I always forfilling one of several particular fantasies (sex everyday means not always the most kinky), nor is she always in the most... 'incendiary' pose that would push me over the edge (nor should she be focused on giving me an eyeful).

In those moments, yes, I do imagine other positions/poses/fantasies, but in the end, it's still all her. We can, and have mitigated some of this through dirty talk, sharing of fantasies, more teases/buildup/sexual tension, and installation of bedroom mirrors for visual stimulation however.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

How many women's minds will be changed by such direct testimony? Anyone? Bueller?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

35 years ago as a really inexperienced newlywed I recall my W accusing me of thinking about someone else. I told her the truth "No I wasn't", however I was thinking about a different position with her. Being naive I said nothing. Sex has been a complex thing in our relationship. Over the years I have gained a bit of wisdom.This is what I know. Being about as close to a virgin as possible I had no clue and I know it came through. Our first Valentine's Day my wife bought us "The Joy of Sex". I thought it was a gag gift (stupid me). Over time I began to understand she was a bit frustrated with me. There are a couple things that began to change this. Here allowing me to go down on her and then me just reading more about physical intimacy and sex. Things got better to the degree where she asked if I had been practicing with someone else (pretty funny) and things just got continually better. When our daughters moved out she would sometimes ask...."would you mind having some of that wild monkey sex"? She started having GNO with her colleages and this resulted in crazy hot sex (I wish she would go back out on those again). Then my world changed when she had her whatever it was. Sex went from Zero to horrible. Porn ruined sex for both of us. She was watching, which shocked me, and I was trying to incorporate some of what I thought she would want. It only made her more distant and resistant. After, "whatever it was" ended magically our sex life began to improve. There is no porn any longer, other than her "bad boy" erotica books. I am not that and never will be and if I know that is what is stoking her fire I will turn her down.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hmmm. Looks like I might be the only man on TAM to have ever visualized someone else while having sex.... I know for a fact plenty of men, and women, have pictured others during sex in real life.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Hmmm. Looks like I might be the only man on TAM to have ever visualized someone else while having sex.... I know for a fact plenty of men, and women, have pictured others during sex in real life.


I don't believe that porn is a force-multiplier though. If you're doing that then the other person could be the Starbucks barista, the neighbor, the coworker, the movie star or the porn actress. Now you're focused on the person. I just don't see most guys looking at porn in terms of getting to KNOW the actresses.

Now some guys do become fixated on the actresses, these are the same guys who will pay for an OnlyFans subscription when we exist in a world of free porn. These are also the guys who will be fanbois for female gamer celebrities, fans of instagram models. I suspect that most of these guys are single or in dysfunctional marriages, they're looking for an imaginary girlfriend.

If a married woman is dealing with a husband who is paying for an OnlyFans subscription, then in that case I do believe there is a substitution effect going on, he wants that very particular woman, enough so that he pays for her attention and photos.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

ConanHub said:


> Hmmm. Looks like I might be the only man on TAM to have ever visualized someone else while having sex.... I know for a fact plenty of men, and women, have pictured others during sex in real life.


I likely have thought of someone else but if I did I cannot tell you who it was but it was not a porn actress.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

RClawson said:


> I likely have thought of someone else but if I did I cannot tell you who it was but it was not a porn actress.


At least I don't feel totally alone here. The testimonials of the others indicate never having done that.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> At least I don't feel totally alone here. The testimonials of the others indicate never having done that.


I wouldn't know where to find the time to do that because I'm not that good at multitasking during sex. When I'm with my wife I'm very engaged in the moment, focusing on her, reading her nuances, so my mind has to be there 100%, this means I can't be off in lala-land fantasizing about another woman. Maybe some guys can, I can't. Even when I have her doggy-style and her face is buried in a pillow, now I have the mental space to fantasize, but I'm just more focused on the moment, the fantasy is a distraction from the action, it's not an enhancer. 

The time to fantasize is when I have alone mental time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lance Mannion said:


> I wouldn't know where to find the time to do that because I'm not that good at multitasking during sex. When I'm with my wife I'm very engaged in the moment, focusing on her, reading her nuances, so my mind has to be there 100%, this means I can't be off in lala-land fantasizing about another woman. Maybe some guys can, I can't. Even when I have her doggy-style and her face is buried in a pillow, now I have the mental space to fantasize, but I'm just more focused on the moment, the fantasy is a distraction from the action, it's not an enhancer.
> 
> The time to fantasize is when I have alone mental time.


I stopped imagining others pretty early in our relationship. It detracted from my connection with her but I did do it many times during our first few years.

I still fantasize occasionally but I use her as the template.

Sometimes I'm screwing someone else's wife that just happens to look just like Mrs. C! LoL!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> How about those men who think they know more than the women what women think. I find that quite funny.


Looks like they getting payback right now... lol


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

If I'm doing anything with my mind during sex, it's solving a differential equation, certainly not thinking about porn stars.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Lance Mannion said:


> The only way I could find myself in a situation of thinking about the porn actress would be if I was watching that actress at the very moment I was screwing my wife. My eyes would be on the big screen, my sensations would come from my wife. That though never happens, so no.
> 
> If I think back to the porn clips I've watched, I can't actually remember any actresses, what I do remember is the awesome squirting scene or when the guy pinned her against the wall and went to town or that ass that was really bouncing on that guy's ****.
> 
> I agree with Evinrude58, there is a lot of projection going on here. Why? Neurologically men and women are wired differently. When two men are talking they rarely sit face to face, they sit by each other and talk and look off somewhere else. When two women talk, they sit face to face and engage. In engineering careers, women engineers usually migrate away from the abstract work and move over into project management. Women are more people oriented. Generally speaking. So what is going on with porn? Of course women are going to see the people in the porn. Men are not focused on the people, they're focusing on the action, on the payoff, on the acrobatics of contorting the bodies in various ways. It's the visuals which matter to men, not the people on screen or the emotion of the two people on screen.


For once I think you had a point with differences between men and women here. Maybe that’s really the reason so many women have problem with porn, they focus more on people than action. But frankly I wouldn’t know, I think my brain has some male parts


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> I think my brain has some male parts


What male parts?😊


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> What male parts?😊


Whatever your imagination tells you,..


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> For once I think you had a point with differences between men and women here. Maybe that’s really the reason so many women have problem with porn, they focus more on people than action. But frankly I wouldn’t know, I think my brain has some male parts


When I'm intimate with my wife, I'm paying attention to her eyes, I'm gazing upon her body, I'm moving my hands over her, I'm watching her expression, I'm listening to her, I'm reacting to cues. Afterwards, I remember all of that in detail. I remember exactly when "that sigh" happened or I remember when she curled her toes.

When I try to remember porn, I don't remember anything like that. Not at all. What I remember is "some chick" squirted half-way across the room. That was awesome! It's the circus act aspect that is memorable. It's almost all visuals, not the women themselves. This is related to why so many women see porn as degrading, they're tapping into this same aspect, the male consumers don't really want to know these porn stars, they just want to see body parts and money shots. The women are just props.

It's when you get to places like OnlyFans where you see men focusing on the woman as a woman, as a person, albeit a very sexual person and the sex is the fist thing they know about her. Many of these dudes send women gifts, try to win their favor. This is where the porn criticism can really hit home, there is no doubt some kind of substitution working here. If the husband is engaged with a "real person" OnlyFans star, then I have no doubt that he's fantasizing about that woman when he's with his wife. He's invested into that woman. That's trouble.

If women in porn are merely props, then they're not really competition for wives.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> Whatever your imagination tells you,..


Ooh! Bad case of gutter mind here!


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Ooh! Bad case of gutter mind here!


That’s no secret to TAM regulars, lol


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

To answer the original question - nope, never. I am always present 100% with my living, breathing partner. If anything, it's the other way around - fantasizing about sex with my SO that I cannot have.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Cletus said:


> To answer the original question - nope, never. I am always present 100% with my living, breathing partner. If anything, it's the other way around - fantasizing about sex with my SO that I cannot have.


To riff on your phrase "If anything,it's the other way around."

In my opinion, women have more opportunity during sex to not focus on the moment with their man and to let their minds wander and when wandering to wander to other men. Men are expending more calories than women during sex, meaning they're "doing" things and the woman is "receiving" the male action, and I'm not talking about thrusting. The guy is trying to bring her to orgasm, even the long lasting guys have to moderate their pacing so that they don't blow too soon, so the guy can't be mentally off somewhere else, he's there in the engine room, pulling levers, hitting buttons, flipping switches, reading gauges or he's like the conductor of an orchestra, managing all of those musicians, no time to be elsewhere.

Women, not so much, for women, I think sex is a very mental, inner-person, kind of activity. This is why the "I'm not in the mood" hold-off is so common.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Lance Mannion said:


> To riff on your phrase "If anything,it's the other way around."
> 
> In my opinion, women have more opportunity during sex to not focus on the moment with their man and to let their minds wander and when wandering to wander to other men. Men are expending more calories than women during sex, meaning they're "doing" things and the woman is "receiving" the male action, and I'm not talking about thrusting. The guy is trying to bring her to orgasm, even the long lasting guys have to moderate their pacing so that they don't blow too soon, so the guy can't be mentally off somewhere else, he's there in the engine room, pulling levers, hitting buttons, flipping switches, reading gauges or he's like the conductor of an orchestra, managing all of those musicians, no time to be elsewhere.
> 
> Women, not so much, for women, I think sex is a very mental, inner-person, kind of activity. This is why the "I'm not in the mood" hold-off is so common.


I recently listened to the podcast for men how to please their women and I have to say It made me appreciate men’s work much more. It sounded very complicated. I think our job is really much easier.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

WandaJ said:


> I recently listened to the podcast for men how to please their women and I have to say It made me appreciate men’s work much more. It sounded very complicated. I think our job is really much less complicated.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lance Mannion said:


>


😆😆😆


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Porn is a really general term. What kind of porn? Midgets and donkeys? Brazilian fart porn? Details matter.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> I know for a fact plenty of men, and women, have pictured others during sex in real life.


I'm sure they do, that said for me I simply can't help but be in the moment thinking of who I am with.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> I'm sure they do, that said for me I simply can't help but be in the moment thinking of who I am with.


I actually don't doubt you. You have always been straight.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> I actually don't doubt you. You have always been straight.


I am, although @Mr. Nail is convinced I am full of it.

Oh and if you are interested in seeing some of my artwork, have a look at the Samples - Your writing and other art thread, in The Social Spot.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> I am, although @Mr. Nail is convinced I am full of it.
> 
> Oh and if you are interested in seeing some of my artwork, have a look at the Samples - Your writing and other art thread, in The Social Spot.


Will do and Mr. Nail has led an unfortunately different life and his perceptions are unfortunately shaped by them.

I'm reformed now but I think a bit of promiscuous fun might have helped Nail with a different outlook and confidence?


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

leftfield said:


> The women in porn are actresses. What else would you call them?
> 
> What does the woman at work have to do with porn? A man could never ever look at porn and still fantasize about the woman at work. Are you going to tell men they can't work around women?


If you call that acting...


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

RClawson said:


> I likely have thought of someone else but if I did I cannot tell you who it was but it was not a porn actress.


If you don't know who it IS, how do you know who it ISN'T?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

No I don't fantasize about the women I have seen in "porn" Do I only think about my wife when I have sex with her? Most of the time yes, as I am trying to build emotional connection and a feeling of bonding.

If I am going to emotionally cheat, it is with other women that I have known, past girl friends that I had dated and cared about.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

I do not watch porn, but even my fantasies only involve my wife.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

In a similar vain, my wife and I will sometimes remember our dreams and they are often very debauched with a lot of sex with others in them. Sometimes in the dreams we cheat on each other knowingly, and in other dreams we aren't together at all, or we share sex with each other and others.

I remember one morning 2-3 years ago? my wife woke up, and told me she was cheating on me in her dream she didn't regret it in the dream and the man was amazing and it was very vivid and she was enjoying being on the receiving end of anal sex with him.

Her dream recollection didn't bother me, I sometimes remember wild sex dreams with other people as well and enjoy those dreams, so good for her having the same.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Divinely Favored said:


> I do not watch porn, but even my fantasies only involve my wife.


You've never seen Seven of Nine in Star Trek, or the Romulan woman in Enterprise?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

AndStilliRise said:


> If you call that acting...


No one claimed it _good_ acting.....

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Personal said:


> In a similar vain, my wife and I will sometimes remember our dreams and they are often very debauched with a lot of sex with others in them. Sometimes in the dreams we cheat on each other knowingly, and in other dreams we aren't together at all, or we share sex with each other and others.
> 
> I remember one morning 2-3 years ago? my wife woke up, and told me she was cheating on me in her dream she didn't regret it in the dream and the man was amazing and it was very vivid and she was enjoying being on the receiving end of anal sex with him.
> 
> Her dream recollection didn't bother me, I sometimes remember wild sex dreams with other people as well and enjoy those dreams, so good for her having the same.


I'd say dreams don't count. They're a product of processing past event on a more subconscious level, and as such the event aren't usually straight forward.

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You've never seen Seven of Nine in Star Trek, or the Romulan woman in Enterprise?


Don't count out the Mimbari women on Babylon 5...

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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> I'd say dreams don't count. They're a product of processing past event on a more subconscious level, and as such the event aren't usually straight forward.


That's why I am not worried about it.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Personal said:


> In a similar vain, my wife and I will sometimes remember our dreams and they are often very debauched with a lot of sex with others in them. Sometimes in the dreams we cheat on each other knowingly, and in other dreams we aren't together at all, or we share sex with each other and others.
> 
> I remember one morning 2-3 years ago? my wife woke up, and told me she was cheating on me in her dream she didn't regret it in the dream and the man was amazing and it was very vivid and she was enjoying being on the receiving end of anal sex with him.
> 
> Her dream recollection didn't bother me, I sometimes remember wild sex dreams with other people as well and enjoy those dreams, so good for her having the same.


Happened to my wife also...not a big deal. If anything, reclaiming her from the nocturnal anal perpetrators was kinda hot...
I just hope it isn’t the same guy travelling around people’s bedrooms at night, messing with wives’ dreams. Bit like Santa, but more dirty.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Personal said:


> In a similar vain, my wife and I will sometimes remember our dreams and they are often very debauched with a lot of sex with others in them. Sometimes in the dreams we cheat on each other knowingly, and in other dreams we aren't together at all, or we share sex with each other and others.
> 
> I remember one morning 2-3 years ago? my wife woke up, and told me she was cheating on me in her dream she didn't regret it in the dream and the man was amazing and it was very vivid and she was enjoying being on the receiving end of anal sex with him.
> 
> Her dream recollection didn't bother me, I sometimes remember wild sex dreams with other people as well and enjoy those dreams, so good for her having the same.


LoL! Mrs. Conan has had many dreams about me cheating on her and sometimes got a little miffed at me about it! It always gave me a good laugh and I'd have an excuse to give her some make up sex.

She got me back though by having a dream fling with one of our friends and he was monstrously hung! The slightly unsettling part of it is that her dream fling is actually hung like a damn horse in real life.😳


----------



## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Personal said:


> That's why I am not worried about it.


It was intended as an agreement with. Sorry if it came across otherwise.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Imperfections said:


> Happened to my wife also...not a big deal. If anything, reclaiming her from the nocturnal anal perpetrators was kinda hot...
> I just hope it isn’t the same guy travelling around people’s bedrooms at night, messing with wives’ dreams. Bit like Santa, but more dirty.


If it's Morphius, not much we can do about it. Keith on the other hand....


Bonus point to any who actually get those references. I'm probably showing how old a geek I really am.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> It was intended as an agreement with. Sorry if it came across otherwise.


I was agreeing with you.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Personal said:


> I was agreeing with you.


Don't you just love the pure printed media where we lose the verbal and facial cues? LOL

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

AndStilliRise said:


> I don't expect men to be truthful about it if they do.


Then why bother reading this thread? Me thinks you could have ended your sentence at the word “truthful”.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

AndStilliRise said:


> I don't expect men to be truthful about it if they do.


Well it looks like @ConanHub is the only honest man.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

leftfield said:


> Well it looks like @ConanHub is the only honest man.


I'm just the only one here that has ever done it.

Everyone can bathe in my unique aura.😉


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Well I should answer my own question. I am completely focused on my wife during a sexual encounter. 

And to be completely honest, porn is something I wish I had never gotten into. I have tried to give it up many times, but at this point it is a hard habit to break. For me, porn is a destresser, and its so easy to spend 5 min. at the end of the day to wind down and get re-energized.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> I'm just the only one here that has ever done it.
> 
> Everyone can bathe in my unique aura.😉


I think you are just better at sex than the rest of us. Your the only man that can please the woman he is with while thinking of something else. The rest of us are just amateurs.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

leftfield said:


> I think you are just better at sex than the rest of us. Your the only man that can please the woman he is with while thinking of something else. The rest of us are just amateurs.


LoL!


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## Married_in_michigan (Apr 9, 2014)

i do watch porn, but I dont even know how to fantasize during sex with my wife. My mind seems to be fully on what is actually happening in the moment. Even when I watch porn, I often think of my wife in the situation and not the porn stars. 

My wife on the other hand, fantasizes about women she has seen in porn during partnered sex all the time.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

leftfield said:


> For me, porn is a destresser, and its so easy to spend 5 min. at the end of the day *to wind down *and *get re-energized.*


I can't quite figure out why this sounds contradictory. Is it energizing you to work around the house, play with the kids, cook dinner? Or, is just getting work off your mind so you can settle into family time (nothing like watching two strangers humping to make you think about family)? Or?


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> I can't quite figure out why this sounds contradictory. Is it energizing you to work around the house, play with the kids, cook dinner? Or, is just getting work off your mind so you can settle into family time (*nothing like watching two strangers humping to make you think about family*)? Or?


I can't multi-task at all. So it allows me to clear my head of everything that has been going on (wind down) and gives me a clear mind to focus on whats next (re-energize). I actually don't care for most video porn. I prefer still shots that don't portray humping in anyway.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I have to admit that when I am bing intimate with my wife and she tries to start talking to me about something important, my instincts are now conditioned to try and somehow find and click the "skip ad" button. 

It is kind of like when you feel you phone vibrate in your pocket only to realize that it is not in your pocket but on the nightstand.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Personal said:


> *Her dream recollection didn't bother me*, I sometimes remember wild sex dreams with other people as well and enjoy those dreams, so good for her having the same.


This remark triggers some faint memory I have of some event, could be a real event or a movie, I can't remember. Some dude's wife dreams that he is cheating on her and then makes his life hell in real life. He can't get her to shake that sour mood.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> I can't quite figure out why this sounds contradictory. Is it energizing you to work around the house, play with the kids, cook dinner? Or, is just getting work off your mind so you can settle into family time (nothing like watching two strangers humping to make you think about family)? Or?


It's like women closing their eyes and envisioning glamorous shoes. It gives a pep to life when you reopen your eyes.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> I'd say dreams don't count. They're a product of processing past event on a more subconscious level, and as such the event aren't usually straight forward.
> 
> Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


Yeah but they can hurt like hell and leave you feeling distraught for a couple of daus trying to get the immages out of your head.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Imperfections said:


> Happened to my wife also...not a big deal. If anything, reclaiming her from the nocturnal anal perpetrators was kinda hot...
> I just hope it isn’t the same guy travelling around people’s bedrooms at night, messing with wives’ dreams. Bit like Santa, but more dirty.


Perpetrators or penetrators?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> I'll happily oblige. You would check all 3 including 'other' because you would really like for your wife to talk to you.


Luck and fair fortune were with us and I got a chance to check out this theory. Blondi was right I was fantasizing about my wife talking to me.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Divinely Favored said:


> Perpetrators or penetrators?


Probably "yes" in this case....


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

ordinarydad said:


> I find this thread hilarious. All the porn loving dudes coming out of the woodwork to heroically proclaim how they are 100% focused on their wife. Does anyone else see the hypocrisy here in a man claiming 100% focus but then hiding to beat off the next night when honey is busy or has a headache?
> 
> I’m also chuckling the way some are suggesting that their high level of lovemaking prowess can only be achieved by 100% concentration and focus... how impressive!
> 
> ...


Well, this adolescent boy playing man has managed to fully pay off his mortgage, put his two children through college, allow his wife to pursue her dream career that would alone put her in the poor house. I worked 40 hours a week so I could be home for dinner, coached the soccer teams, and attended every dance recital, all while staying married for now going on 35 years this month to someone with whom I struggle to manage sexual compatibility but whom I never replaced in my mind's eye during sex.

Now if the occasional wank on the side is the price to pay to smooth over the rough spots, so be it.

So if you could just kindly **** off, that would be swell. Or should I tell my mommy on you?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ordinarydad said:


> Does anyone else see the hypocrisy here in a man claiming 100% focus but then hiding to beat off the next night when honey is busy or has a headache?


Who said we were hiding? You seem to be making assumptions.



> Someone really needs to call BS anytime men admit to porn use AND that they are such committed husbands, fathers, lovers, and gentlemen.


Nothing mutually exclusive here.



> PS I’ll add that only a porn loving fool would ever consider making love to their spouse as anything close to challenging or difficult work.


I don't recall this ever being said in this thread. Maybe I missed it. Can you cite the post number(s) for such a claim?


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ordinarydad said:


> I find this thread hilarious. All the porn loving dudes coming out of the woodwork to heroically proclaim how they are 100% focused on their wife. Does anyone else see the hypocrisy here in a man claiming 100% focus but then hiding to beat off the next night when honey is busy or has a headache?
> 
> I’m also chuckling the way some are suggesting that their high level of lovemaking prowess can only be achieved by 100% concentration and focus... how impressive!
> 
> ...


Reading comprehension is clearly not a skill you've mastered.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> Reading comprehension is clearly not a skill you've mastered.


It’s sometimes difficult to read, as eyesight declines from all that porn & masturbation...


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ordinarydad said:


> maybe not, but at least I have self control and give my wife 100% of my love and sexuality- she’s worth it.
> 
> Your wife may be your #1 lover, but not your #2, 3, etc.. that’s occupied by porn apparently


Again, your reading comprehension needs work. Recognize that your comments are simply ego-strokes for yourself. They serve the purpose of telling us how wonderful of a husband you are. Seems you need that reassurance more than we need to know that about you.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> Women are not nearly as smart as they think they are when it comes to knowing what a man is thinking...


One of the reasons I enjoy this site so much is all the insight it gives me into the male brain. I think a lot of women should read this sight...they might be quite surprised to read what many men really think of sex, love, marriage, etc. 

I would never presume to speak for my boyfriend, but I am quite confident that when we are together, it's me he's thinking of and nobody else. I take that as the highest compliment from him.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

ordinarydad said:


> posts 45 thru 47 alluded to it being “work”. We know that many porn loving men consider it work- because their wives eventually wisen up and divorce them.


I didn't take them in the same light that you did, but I can see how you came to that conclusion. Far enough.



> maybe not mutually exclusive, but any man spending time with porn and masturbation isn’t giving 100% to his wife, marriage, or children.


Define the 100% giving thing. If you have children, are you still capable of giving 100% to your spouse?

Most men hide or downplay it so as not to offend their spouse... that’s a fact. Most men aren’t courageous enough to be completely honest... they’re deceitful and can’t give their porn up regardless if it hurts their spouse. That’s a fact.
[/QUOTE]

If you want to call something a fact be willing to back it up. That said, I have to agree with you that a lot do hide it, and probably needlessly. Women are a lot more into porn than is stereotypically thought. And there can be no denying that some people, including women, develop porn addictions, which, like any other addiction, can ruin their lives. I think a lot of men would be surprised by how little their spouses actually cared about their porn use, as long as they were not being denied. My wives will watch with me. They know and they can access my history any time they want. But maybe I'm just not "most men"


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

notmyjamie said:


> One of the reasons I enjoy this site so much is all the insight it gives me into the male brain. I think a lot of women should read this sight...they might be quite surprised to read what many men really think of sex, love, marriage, etc.
> 
> I would never presume to speak for my boyfriend, but I am quite confident that when we are together, it's me he's thinking of and nobody else. I take that as the highest compliment from him.


During the entire history of humanity, 80% of women reproduced, only 40% of men reproduced. There were a lot of men who were dead-ends reproductively speaking. Men must chase women, women decide yes or no. Men send flowers, take women to restaurants, buy chocolates. It doesn't matter the specific act, women are a hot commodity that require the man's attention and commitment to get and to keep. Happy wife, Happy life.

Meanwhile for women "Keep his belly full and his balls empty" accomplishes about 90% of what needs to be done.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

notmyjamie said:


> One of the reasons I enjoy this site so much is all the insight it gives me into the male brain. I think a lot of women should read this sight...they might be quite surprised to read what many men really think of sex, love, marriage, etc.


Why should the bar be so low to begin with though? 
What did you think men thought before you knew what they thought?


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Imperfections said:


> Why should the bar be so low to begin with though?
> What did you think men thought before you knew what they thought?


I had no idea and I wasn't about to presume. My exH was not one to talk about his feelings on things with me. In fact, neither had either of the two other men I'd been in a relationship with for that matter. And while I've had male friends over the years, none were close enough to really discuss the types of personal things that get discussed here. 

I do know that many woman do think all men think the same and this site has certainly proved that is not at all true.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ordinarydad said:


> Does anyone see the hypocrisy here of men claiming “complete 100% focus” IN the bedroom but not OUTSIDE of it?
> 
> I’ll go further by saying we’re all human so no one can really give 100%. Isn’t it at least laughable for men to be claiming how devoted, how focused, and how TRUE they are when they likewise are here defending porn??? I think my point is (perhaps too offensive) that isn’t it perhaps even a higher thing to be devoted outside of the bedroom.. by keeping your eyes, mind, and hands clean from other “women” even if on video?


Chris Kyle, famous sniper - 100% focus on the shot, scattered focus while hanging in the barracks.
Any athlete = 100% focus on the game during the game, scattered focus while not in the game.
Any engineer = 100% focus on the problem when dealing with the problem, . . . 

Husband = 100% focus on the wife while making love to the wife, scattered focus while living the rest of your life. Part of the rest of your life is living with your wife and kids, so if you give her 100% focus then you're a neglectful dad. The only time you can give her 100% focus is when you are alone with her. For sex, you're both there for each other. After the kids go to bed your wife might want alone time, you can't give her 100% focus then because then you're crowding her. If you take her outside to sit on the porch and talk with each other, then that's another time you can give her 100% focus.

You're just here itchin' for a fight, but the point you want to fight on is pretty incoherent, so I again suspect that you're just engaging in your own ego stroking, thinking that you're a better man than everyone else.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

I can't speak for other guys but I see hints that they see things somewhat, if not identically similar, to how I see things. What's a hint? The nervousness before marriage when a cold sweat comes upon them and they realize "This is the last woman I'm going to ever sleep with." So what happens after that realization? For me, "Make the most of it, never treat her as a routine. If I can see the wonder of a sunset or a flower, I can focus on my wife and see the wonder of who she is." This is a purposeful mindset. What's the alternative? Depression about this "being the last woman I will ever sleep with."

I'm weird though. I run a number of different experiments in my interactions with my wife. They're my own hypotheses and, I think, they produce good results, but I can't swear to that because my sample size in this study is 1.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ordinarydad said:


> I suppose the porn using men here are unique and they only focus on their wives during sex... they’ve never seen an act in porn and then recreated it with wife later. I suppose this is still 100% focus on her aka “reading her cues” and all that bs. Per the parallel women’s porn thread this isn’t the case and men do a “monkey see monkey do” approach that is hurtful to some wives at least.
> 
> It’s really short sighted and indefensible to say that a porn watcher doesn’t bring his porn ideas into the bedroom... all must admit there is something disingenuous, sad, and gross about this.
> 
> You can’t say you’re 100% for her when you beat off the day before and go to her with your head full of porn to recreate.


You should start a cult and teach men how to be as fantastic as you. The combined power of all of those egos could solve the Earth's energy crisis forever.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ordinarydad said:


> You’re the one bragging about your supreme sexual prowess, focus and reading cues, etc. You’re just not willing to fathom that porn might be bad for yourself, men, and marriage despite the countless sexless marriages and divorces it has contributed to. You’re not willing to admit it’s low class, adolescent, or adulterous.
> 
> I’d counter that the best things a man can bring to his marriage bed is genuine enthusiasm and a serious “hard on”... something porn users can struggle with.
> 
> I feel sorry for the poor girls trafficked, exploited, and abused by the porn industry. But go ahead and let’s argue about my ego, reading comprehension, or religious beliefs.


Were you or your wife virgins when you married each other? In not, then within your memories are very real people, unlike porn memories.

Also, again your reading comprehension skills freaking suck. I'd glad that you think I have supreme sexual prowess. I'm too modest to make that claim myself, but I appreciate your kind words about me.

Let me help you some with your faulty logic skills. You say I'm unwilling to consider the harm of porn and then you point out the countless sexless marriages and divorce. Do you also believe that people who drink alcohol are flawed people? You should because there are countless marriages destroyed by alcoholism and many divorces due to alcohol. Do you see the problem with your thinking? Why should problems in other people's marriages influence how my wife and I live our lives?

I'm glad that you want to argue about your shortcomings, they're more interesting that the arguments you bring here in regards to porn, those arguments are merely camouflage to allow you to strut about how great of a guy you are and everyone else is "low class, adolescent or adulterous."


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

ordinarydad said:


> You’re the one bragging about your supreme sexual prowess, focus and reading cues, etc. You’re just not willing to fathom that porn might be bad for yourself, men, and marriage despite the countless sexless marriages and divorces it has contributed to. You’re not willing to admit it’s low class, adolescent, or adulterous.
> 
> I’d counter that the best things a man can bring to his marriage bed is genuine enthusiasm and a serious “hard on”... something porn users can struggle with.
> 
> I feel sorry for the poor girls trafficked, exploited, and abused by the porn industry. But go ahead and let’s argue about my ego, reading comprehension, or religious beliefs.


It’s midnight, alter boys should be asleep by now. Rest up, Christmas morning is only three weeks away. You might get that Xbox One you’ve been hoping for.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

ordinarydad said:


> I find this thread hilarious. All the porn loving dudes coming out of the woodwork to heroically proclaim how they are 100% focused on their wife. Does anyone else see the* hypocrisy* here in a man claiming 100% focus but then hiding to beat off the next night when honey is busy or has a headache?
> 
> I’m also chuckling the way some are suggesting that their high level of lovemaking prowess can only be achieved by 100% concentration and focus... how impressive!
> 
> ...


Your message would go over a lot better if you could see the faults within yourself. Here, I have copied your first post and you jump right in and talk about hypocrisy. Then you proceed to hypocritically throw out terms like "low class" and "adolescent boys playing men". 

If you want to see the low class person in this post you need to look in the mirror. Like wise the adolescent boy playing as a man is the one trying to tear everyone else down. Are you sure you understand the term hypocrisy?


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

ordinarydad said:


> That’s all cool but your lack of self control isn’t *honorable or manly*.. does your wife know of your deceit?
> 
> Do you care about the “actors” that may be victims of abuse? Perhaps your an “ethical porn consumer”?


Some more hypocrisy from you. Nothing about your attack on @Cletus is honorable or manly.


----------



## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

ordinarydad said:


> You’re the one bragging about your *supreme sexual prowess, focus and reading cues*, etc. You’re just not willing to fathom that porn might be bad for yourself, men, and marriage despite the countless sexless marriages and divorces it has contributed to. You’re not willing to admit it’s *low class, adolescent,* or adulterous.
> 
> I’d counter that the best things a man can bring to his marriage bed is genuine enthusiasm and a serious “hard on”... something porn users can struggle with.
> 
> I feel sorry for the poor girls trafficked, exploited, and abused by the porn industry. But go ahead and let’s argue about my ego, reading comprehension, or religious beliefs.


And yet more hypocrisy from the person complaining about hypocrisy. You are the only man here claiming anything like the first bolded. Nor do you seem to recognize that your comments are low class and adolescent.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

ordinarydad said:


> Oh wow, I dared say something against porn and got the boys all riled up. You boys must really love it.
> 
> Funny that no one even tried to comment about the actual point but instead just want to personally attack me. Kind of ridiculous to try personal attacks because you really know nothing about me except that I’ve said porn is bad for marriage, bad for the performers, andonly some a weak man or adolescent boy would spend time on.
> 
> Guess I screwed up the whole thread... everyone can go back to defending their porn use and talking about what great lovers they are 😂


I was wondering if you were a hit and run or truly here as a student of humanity.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

ordinarydad said:


> Oh wow, I dared say something against porn and got the boys all riled up. You boys must really love it.
> 
> Funny that no one even tried to comment about the actual point but instead just want to personally attack me. Kind of ridiculous to try personal attacks because you really know nothing about me except that I’ve said porn is bad for marriage, bad for the performers, and only a weak man or adolescent boy would spend time on.
> 
> Guess I screwed up the whole thread... everyone can go back to defending their porn use and talking about what great lovers they are 😂


Why don't you create a discussion and talk about what you want? Then you will not need to thread jack another discussion.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

leftfield said:


> Why don't you create a discussion and talk about what you want?


I do believe there's an agenda or promotion coming 🙂🙄🙄


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

ordinarydad said:


> posts 45 thru 47 alluded to it being “work”. We know that many porn loving men consider it work- because their wives eventually wisen up and divorce them.
> 
> maybe not mutually exclusive, but any man spending time with porn and masturbation isn’t giving 100% to his wife, marriage, or children.
> 
> Most men hide or downplay it so as not to offend their spouse... that’s a fact. Most men aren’t courageous enough to be completely honest... they’re deceitful and can’t give their porn up regardless if it hurts their spouse. That’s a fact.


Methinks you’re being more than a little bit dishonest in claiming to be a dad. I seriously suspect you are in possession of a Y chromosome that has a little extra there.

I find it interesting that your first post on a Marriage forum isn’t about your marriage, but a scathing essay that attempts to devalue any man’s thoughts on porn other than your own.

I don’t disagree that porn is bad, it’s hurtful to marriages, etc. I would be fine if it all disappeared.

Would you agree that romance Novels that are devoured by millions of women are adolescent, low class, and bad for marriages?

I think whomever brought up those rOmance novels have an important point. A man’s brain gets stimulated visually, whereas the ladies like all the emotional stuff AND the visualization they get mentally out of reading that crap. 

why is it that a woman reading a “romance” novel isn’t demonized, but a man watching pois?

seems there’s plenty of sexual “deviancy” rocks to be tossed.

I’m not saying the porn is good in any way. All I’m saying is that I never watched the crap and thought about it while with my wife. I did, however, get all worked up over it and wanted HER.
And I will admit when she knew that happened, it hurt her feelings and I wish I hadn’t done it. I’m not perfect. It didn’t happen often.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Cletus said:


> Well, this adolescent boy playing man has managed to fully pay off his mortgage, put his two children through college, allow his wife to pursue her dream career that would alone put her in the poor house. I worked 40 hours a week so I could be home for dinner, coached the soccer teams, and attended every dance recital, all while staying married for now going on 35 years this month to someone with whom I struggle to manage sexual compatibility but whom I never replaced in my mind's eye during sex.
> 
> Now if the occasional wank on the side is the price to pay to smooth over the rough spots, so be it.
> 
> *So if you could just kindly **** off, *that would be swell. Or should I tell my mommy on you?


I don't think you have to use asterisks to say jerk off.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

ordinarydad said:


> So men and dads have to like porn.? Seems to me any guy with children and especially daughters could hate porn. I’d never want my daughters (to be filmed or have their sexuality exploited like that. Or sons either for that matter.
> 
> Noted another personal attack.. this time my chromosomes. I must be winning the “debate”. The pro-porn team has no argument except perhaps that they love their porn.


nope, I think you’re right porn is bad stuff.
However, I also think you’re dishonest.
This is your first thread on a marriage forum.
Why isn’t it about a thread on marriage?
I’m just curious. Are you capable of honesty?


----------



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I guess another good question could be what are you thinking of when taking care of yourself and not having sex with your wife. Thats what watching porn seems to be about is the fantasy of when you are not having sex with someone yet still want the release and excitement of having an orgasm.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ordinarydad said:


> So men and dads have to like porn.? Seems to me any guy with children and especially daughters could hate porn. I’d never want my daughters (to be filmed or have their sexuality exploited like that. Or sons either for that matter.
> 
> Noted another personal attack.. this time my chromosomes. I must be winning the “debate”. The pro-porn team has no argument except perhaps that they love their porn.


You haven't yet responded to my question - Were you and the Mrs virgins when you married? If not, then you have real memories of real people which are much more salient than men's memories of the porn they watched. How does your wife know what is in your head when you're intimate together. You many be imagining her as your college girlfriend.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

ordinarydad said:


> Your wife may be your #1 lover, but not your #2, 3, etc.. that’s occupied by porn apparently


More than one is always fun, whether fantasy or real!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Evinrude58 said:


> nope, I think you’re right porn is bad stuff.
> However, I also think you’re dishonest.
> This is your first thread on a marriage forum.
> Why isn’t it about a thread on marriage?
> I’m just curious. Are you capable of honesty?


Ipso facto that's why I'm thinking an agenda or sales promotion will eventually come to light.

Too well written, and drops hooks like he's fishing from a trawler.

Like LM.

Who knows, maybe the same person. Of course that's pure speculation.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ordinarydad said:


> Go read Lance’s post 41 (top of page 3) and see if that’s not him sharing his “skills”. I’ve said nothing like that.
> 
> I get it though, you love your porn... how dare I say something against it.


That post is what triggered you? Oh brother. You need to work on your vocabulary as well as reading comprehension skills. Paying attention to my wife's reactions is not a skill, every husband should be paying attention to his wife. Moving my hands over her body is not a skill.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Wow. Y’all really don’t think of _anything_ else while you’re having sex with your wives? How bout any weird situations that you would never want to happen in real life but are oh so nice when you’re trying to get ‘there’. Her being taken by 5 other men while you die from jealousy? Her having sex with her best girlfriend with the bubble butt while you watch? Nothing?! Just all roses and wine huh? Hmmm ... 

I didn’t read the whole thread. Sorry. 🥴


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> Wow. Y’all really don’t think of _anything_ else while you’re having sex with your wives? How bout any weird situations that you would never want to happen in real life but are oh so nice when you’re trying to get ‘there’. Her being taken by 5 other men while you die from jealousy? Her having sex with her best girlfriend with the bubble butt while you watch? Nothing?! Just all roses and wine huh? Hmmm ...
> 
> I didn’t read the whole thread. Sorry. 🥴


As I walk through the days of my life I see things, now while some little boys may see dead people, I see people talking and acting on love in two different ways. One set of people are focused on love as being something that they receive and the other group are focused on what they give.

Sometimes you will hear women talk about a new lover and occasionally they will say that what made him different was that he made her feel that she was his entire focus. Or a woman is kissed by a man and he made her feel that that kiss was all that mattered to him in the world at that very moment. Now this is from the woman, the receiver of the man's attention, so if even these women can pick up on this, why should it be surprising that the men who do this aren't doing this on purpose?


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> Wow. Y’all really don’t think of _anything_ else while you’re having sex with your wives? How bout any weird situations that you would never want to happen in real life but are oh so nice when you’re trying to get ‘there’. Her being taken by 5 other men while you die from jealousy? Her having sex with her best girlfriend with the bubble butt while you watch? Nothing?! Just all roses and wine huh? Hmmm ...
> 
> I didn’t read the whole thread. Sorry.


I used to make myself think of stressful situations to delay when I was younger, like being told off by MIL...It didn’t help  she had a whip for some reason


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

C.C. says ... said:


> Wow. Y’all really don’t think of _anything_ else while you’re having sex with your wives?


My wife will think of a variety of things in addition to being in the moment. Yet for me, I'm thinking about what I am doing to my wife, what I am going to do next and I think about the pleasure I am feeling as a consequence of that. Anything further than that, is too complicated.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> why should it be surprising that the men who do this aren't doing this on purpose?


Every _single_ time? My mind wanders like crazy no matter how much I want and love sex with the object of my desire. I like to think of him inside other women and how hurt and upset I’d be. Makes me cum so hard I feel like my head’s gonna blow off my shoulders. Dunno why. Guys don’t do this???


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Imperfections said:


> I used to make myself think of stressful situations to delay when I was younger, like being told off by MIL...It didn’t help  she had a whip for some reason


Uh huh. That’s what I’m talking about.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> Every _single_ time? My mind wanders like crazy no matter how much I want and love sex with the object of my desire. I like to think of him inside other women and how hurt and upset I’d be. Makes me cum so hard I feel like my head’s gonna blow off my shoulders. Dunno why. Guys don’t do this???


How much attention do you invest in a session of a 1st person shooter? What happens in the game if your attention wavers?

If I need to stave off orgasm during intercourse but keep up the pace, I'll do math problems in my head, but by that time the dynamics of the interaction have changed. The focus on her is part of a feedback loop, I watch how she is reacting and I adjust. Without the input I'd be flying blind or flying on routine. Her reactions are critical to what I do. Now, admittedly, some guys are dealing with women who show little reaction. I don't know what to tell those guys.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> I can't speak for other guys but I see hints that they see things somewhat, if not identically similar, to how I see things. What's a hint? The nervousness before marriage when a cold sweat comes upon them and they realize "This is the last woman I'm going to ever sleep with." So what happens after that realization? For me, "Make the most of it, never treat her as a routine. If I can see the wonder of a sunset or a flower, I can focus on my wife and see the wonder of who she is." This is a purposeful mindset. What's the alternative? Depression about this "being the last woman I will ever sleep with."
> 
> I'm weird though. I run a number of different experiments in my interactions with my wife. They're my own hypotheses and, I think, they produce good results, but I can't swear to that because my sample size in this study is 1.


I thought I was always weird but the worry of ‘never sleeping with another woman’ never crossed my mind. I had friends getting married and freaking out about this and talk to guys who ‘require’ variety (of women) regularly. Being male, I was confused and alarmed why I never understood wtf they were talking about.

I wondered whether it is because there are two types: those that need variety and those that don’t. Or because maybe those that do, haven’t met a partner they are 100% attracted to. 

Before I met my wife at 16, I went out with a couple of girls and some were more attractive than others. The only times I would turn my head at anyone else was when I wasn’t 100% attracted to a girlfriend at the time. But once I ‘bonded’ with wife, I never could look at anyone else in that way again. Later I read that bonding hormones are released to ensure you become a penguin...as in: one life, one mate. (Or is it swans?)

Another reason wanting variety could also be due to fear of being tied down/settled.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> Sometimes you will hear women talk about a new lover and occasionally they will say that what made him different was that he made her feel that she was his entire focus. Or a woman is kissed by a man and he made her feel that that kiss was all that mattered to him in the world at that very moment. Now this is from the woman, the receiver of the man's attention, so if even these women can pick up on this, why should it be surprising that the men who do this aren't doing this on purpose?


Because women imagine all kinds of stuff during sex 
Men can’t multitask. I can barely pedal and steer a bicycle at the same time; if I also had to imagine I was all that mattered to her, my brain would


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> some guys are dealing with women who show little reaction. I don't know what to tell those guys.


Yea, I’m not one of those lol. 



Lance Mannion said:


> How much attention do you invest in a session of a 1st person shooter? What happens in the game if your attention wavers?


Sometimes. The worst part is if I don’t have someone in mind then yes my attention might waver. Then I have to go into the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind and pull out the hard stuff.

I should’ve known I’d be the odd woman out in this. I’m not sure if I’m the only one telling the truth or if I’m just weird.🤔

I don’t even think I’m supposed to be on this thread. My bad.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> Every _single_ time? My mind wanders like crazy no matter how much I want and love sex with the object of my desire. I like to think of him inside other women and how hurt and upset I’d be. Makes me cum so hard I feel like my head’s gonna blow off my shoulders. Dunno why. Guys don’t do this???


Actually, I thought it’s mostly guys that did this? Jealousy can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
They did tests on this...I can’t remember the exact set up but I remember some monkeys were involved. Something about watching porn of monkeys flirting with your wife would make the husbands ejaculate a lot faster (and stronger) because of strong desire to compete with the sperm of others (yeah, I don’t remember all the details..)


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Imperfections said:


> Actually, I thought it’s mostly guys that did this? Jealousy can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
> They did tests on this...I can’t remember the exact set up but I remember some monkeys were involved. Something about watching porn of monkeys flirting with your wife would make the husbands ejaculate a lot faster (and stronger) because of strong desire to compete with the sperm of others (yeah, I don’t remember all the details..)


Hmm interesting. I don’t know. I think it works for me because the pain of it sends me over the edge. I don’t know why. Maybe the same way it does the monkeys only without the ... sperm.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> Wow. Y’all really don’t think of _anything_ else while you’re having sex with your wives? How bout any weird situations that you would never want to happen in real life but are oh so nice when you’re trying to get ‘there’. Her being taken by 5 other men while you die from jealousy? Her having sex with her best girlfriend with the bubble butt while you watch? Nothing?! Just all roses and wine huh? Hmmm ...
> 
> I didn’t read the whole thread. Sorry.


I think there’s a world of difference imagining having sex with Pierce Brosnan (isn’t he a bit old now?) while banging your husband and imagining your wife going wild while she has sex with Pierce Brosnan while banging the wife...The first, is mental infidelity, the second is a tool to intensify your sexual desire for your wife. Humans are weird.
Regards, human


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Imperfections said:


> I thought I was always weird but the worry of ‘never sleeping with another woman’ never crossed my mind. I had friends getting married and freaking out about this and talk to guys who ‘require’ variety (of women) regularly. Being male, I was confused and alarmed why I never understood wtf they were talking about.
> 
> I wondered whether it is because there are two types: those that need variety and those that don’t. Or because maybe those that do, haven’t met a partner they are 100% attracted to.
> 
> ...


In a roundabout way I think is stems from a sense of honor. Early in our dating, while her parents were still chaperoning us, they had to leave the house for something, so my presence became a problem. I assured them that nothing would happen, I gave them my word and I explained why this was important, because their daughter saw me give my word and after they depart she will be the one who will know whether I am a man of my word or whether I can be tempted to break my word. They left, she tried to tempt me, I kept my word, she got really pissed off (I learned a lesson about women) she knows if she couldn't tempt me, then other women would not. What's my point? Same root sense of honor when you make a choice to be with a woman, this is the path you chose for yourself, to commit to this woman, so no sense longing for other woman, it simply diminishes who you chose to be, your relationship with your woman.

Some people come to hold positions by reasoning, most people use rationalization to defend positions they want to hold. We can excuse anything we want, all we need is a sufficient dose of rationalization. That 2nd helping of dessert, that infatuation with the cute person in the office, you name it. Turning down that dessert because you want to maintain your diet takes willpower, refusing to escalate with the coworker requires self-discipline. Some principle, some objective, comes before the temptation. Honor, commitment, dedication are guiding principles which can be used as a first filter. So, in your case, if you've made a commitment to your woman, then longing for other woman is seen as the first step on the slippery slope and you won't accept any rationalization to allow that to happen.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> Hmm interesting. I don’t know. I think it works for me because the pain of it sends me over the edge. I don’t know why. Maybe the same way it does the monkeys only without the ... sperm.


I think it’s completely normal to slightly fetishise what you fear. Some people are just more open about it than others.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> In a roundabout way I think is stems from a sense of honor. Early in our dating, while her parents were still chaperoning us, they had to leave the house for something, so my presence became a problem. I assured them that nothing would happen, I gave them my word and I explained why this was important, because their daughter saw me give my word and after they depart she will be the one who will know whether I am a man of my word or whether I can be tempted to break my word. They left, she tried to tempt me, I kept my word, she got really pissed off (I learned a lesson about women) she knows if she couldn't tempt me, then other women would not. What's my point? Same root sense of honor when you make a choice to be with a woman, this is the path you chose for yourself, to commit to this woman, so no sense longing for other woman, it simply diminishes who you chose to be, your relationship with your woman.
> 
> Some people come to hold positions by reasoning, most people use rationalization to defend positions they want to hold. We can excuse anything we want, all we need is a sufficient dose of rationalization. That 2nd helping of dessert, that infatuation with the cute person in the office, you name it. Turning down that dessert because you want to maintain your diet takes willpower, refusing to escalate with the coworker requires self-discipline. Some principle, some objective, comes before the temptation. Honor, commitment, dedication are guiding principles which can be used as a first filter. So, in your case, if you've made a commitment to your woman, then longing for other woman is seen as the first step on the slippery slope and you won't accept any rationalization to allow that to happen.


Maybe. I’m not sure my honour is as pronounced as yours though.
I feel it’s more biological: I am a bit obsessed with her (sexually) and I would have to spend a long time trying to ‘unbond’ from her, before I could even physically be able being together with another woman intimately.

Hold on, you actually said to her parents “I promise I will not bang your daughter while you go to the corner shop”? Respect 
I probably couldn’t have done it..


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

C.C. says ... said:


> Wow. Y’all really don’t think of _anything_ else while you’re having sex with your wives? How bout any weird situations that you would never want to happen in real life but are oh so nice when you’re trying to get ‘there’. Her being taken by 5 other men while you die from jealousy? Her having sex with her best girlfriend with the bubble butt while you watch? Nothing?! Just all roses and wine huh? Hmmm ...
> 
> I didn’t read the whole thread. Sorry.


I certainly never said any _thing_ else. I just claimed that when watching porn, I'm usually mentally substituting a wife or gf in for the actresses.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Imperfections said:


> Maybe. I’m not sure my honour is as pronounced as yours though.
> I feel it’s more biological: I am a bit obsessed with her (sexually) and I would have to spend a long time trying to ‘unbond’ from her, before I could even physically be able being together with another woman intimately.
> 
> Hold on, you actually said to her parents “I promise I will not bang your daughter while you go to the corner shop”? Respect
> I probably couldn’t have done it..


I had something I wanted to prove to my girl. I grabbed that opportunity the instant it came up. It was a flash of inspiration. And we weren't at the banging stage yet. I felt good that the parents trusted me.

The bond is biochemical but it's not blinding you to the objective attractiveness of other women, something else is kicking in and running a program between the input and output stages.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

notmyjamie said:


> I had no idea and I wasn't about to presume. My exH was not one to talk about his feelings on things with me. In fact, neither had either of the two other men I'd been in a relationship with for that matter. And while I've had male friends over the years, none were close enough to really discuss the types of personal things that get discussed here.
> 
> I do know that many woman do think all men think the same and this site has certainly proved that is not at all true.


Actually for me, it was the opposite. This site (and others) made me realise that I know very little what actually is going on in my wife’s head and made me question a lot more things and become more paranoid...

Though to be fair, it would be crazy to take what strangers think and apply it onto your partner. 

Maybe for you it was different because men don’t really open up easily in person, they feel it is easier being open when on an anonymous forum/not being judged. Men don’t like being seen as vulnerable. Especially with their spouse. (The only time a man could be slightly open is right after the post-coital sandwich/snack..)

Women...that’s a whole other story When you think you figured it out and your woman appears to be open with you, but then it turns out she is most probably being open about something she doesn’t mean or feel or is just saying it because it sounds right. Or maybe doesn’t even know what she feels and you will never find out... Either way, you feel like an idiot. And never wiser. 
Best advice for men: just stick to the post-sex sandwich and be happy...


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> The bond is biochemical but it's not blinding you to the objective attractiveness of other women, something else is kicking in and running a program between the input and output stages.


I mean yeah I would look at them (if I was made to look) in the same way I would admire a piece of art, but I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Nor would I want to. 
I think it’s sweet you waited till marriage for the banging..We couldn’t do it..For various reasons. (Couldn’t get married till we finished all the studies).


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Imperfections said:


> I mean yeah I would look at them (if I was made to look) in the same way I would admire a piece of art, but I wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Nor would I want to.
> I think it’s sweet you waited till marriage for the banging..We couldn’t do it..For various reasons. (Couldn’t get married till we finished all the studies).


Sorry, didn't mean to give the impression we waited for marriage. Nope, we banged early and often before marriage. It was an age issue, not a religion issue.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

C.C. says ... said:


> Wow. Y’all really don’t think of _anything_ else while you’re having sex with your wives?


You find this surprising?



> Just all roses and wine huh? Hmmm ...


Well, to be frank it's really more face and tits, but you get the idea.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

C.C. says ... said:


> Wow. Y’all really don’t think of _anything_ else while you’re having sex with your wives? How bout any weird situations that you would never want to happen in real life but are oh so nice when you’re trying to get ‘there’. Her being taken by 5 other men while you die from jealousy? Her having sex with her best girlfriend with the bubble butt while you watch? Nothing?! Just all roses and wine huh? Hmmm ...
> 
> I didn’t read the whole thread. Sorry. 🥴


I might be the only man here that does stuff like that.

I use to imagine porn scenes and stars, I still imagine situations occasionally similar to what you are describing and it is simply molten!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I might be the only man here that does stuff like that.
> 
> I use to imagine porn scenes and stars, I still imagine situations occasionally similar to what you are describing and it is simply molten!


I do that too, just never in the moment when I am actually engaged in sex. Even then, more often than not I'm imaging doing all of those things with the person with whom I would most like to do it, but who will not allow it. Perhaps it is that slight taboo that does the trick, I don't know.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Cletus said:


> You find this surprising?
> 
> Well, to be frank it's really more face and tits, but you get the idea.


C’mon man! 😁 I thought I left you over in the political forum.

((( hugs )))


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Cletus said:


> I do that too, just never in the moment when I am actually engaged in sex. Even then, more often than not I'm imaging doing all of those things with the person with whom I would most like to do it, but who will not allow it. Perhaps it is that slight taboo that does the trick, I don't know.


The fact that men think that it’s taboo to imagine their wives doing ‘things’ makes me sad  Actually what’s even more sad, is when their wives then call them a dirty pervert porn addict who needs help.
I better sign out before it’s too late..


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

TBH, when I am with my gf, I think about my gf. Not really “thinking”, more like just looking at her body, etc. Now when I’m watching porn, I’m not thinking about my gf exclusively. Much like when I’m having sex with my gf, when using porn I’m also turned on by what I’m SEEING. Again, for a lot of men, it’s visual. Why do we buy sexy panties and bra’s for our women? Cause we are visual. I don’t know if a Victoria Secret for men...not one woman I’ve been with has bought me anything “sexy”. There’s a difference in the genders.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

C.C. says ... said:


> Yea, I’m not one of those lol.
> 
> 
> Sometimes. The worst part is if I don’t have someone in mind then yes my attention might waver. Then I have to go into the deepest, darkest recesses of my mind and pull out the hard stuff.
> ...


That actually would be interesting spinoff of the spinoff of the spinoff thread....


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Porn is interesting to me, but I never saw the sex as being real or believed that the girls were turned on or having orgasms.

The actresses have all the appeal of prostitutes who slept with tons of customers, scary to think of the STDs.

The sexual situations are also unlike what I've had.

The women in mainstream movies I find attractive are mostly the anonymous actresses, like the girl in the chevy in the original mad max movie. 

I have known guys who are obsessed with the porn actresses and even flew to Vegas every year for some sort of porn industry show to get autographs and etc.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> Would you agree that romance Novels that are devoured by millions of women are adolescent, low class, and bad for marriages?
> 
> I think whomever brought up those rOmance novels have an important point. A man’s brain gets stimulated visually, whereas the ladies like all the emotional stuff AND the visualization they get mentally out of reading that crap.
> 
> why is it that a woman reading a “romance” novel isn’t demonized, but a man watching pois?


I may be one of the odd ones, but I believe 'romance' novels are as damaging as porn. It's all trash.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

[/QUOTE]


AndStilliRise said:


> If you don't know who it IS, how do you know who it ISN'T?


Because I have never been obsessed with a porn actress ever. Does that work for you?


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

AndStilliRise said:


> I may be one of the odd ones, but I believe 'romance' novels are as damaging as porn. It's all trash.


How about the trash TV romantic-sci-fi show "Outlander" where a married woman travels back in time and marries another man and then gets pregnant and comes back to her own time where her husband agrees to raise another man's baby, but is a bad guy for having his own affair. Swoon.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> How about the trash TV romantic-sci-fi show "Outlander" where a married woman travels back in time and marries another man and then gets pregnant and comes back to her own time where her husband agrees to raise another man's baby, but is a bad guy for having his own affair. Swoon.


Personally, I've never seen it and it doesn't sound like anything I would watch. But what's your point? It's okay for you to do wrong because other people might? What are you, 14? You sound like a teenager trying to justify stupid ass decisions insted of taking responsibility for your own choices.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

C.C. says ... said:


> Every _single_ time? My mind wanders like crazy no matter how much I want and love sex with the object of my desire. I like to think of him inside other women and how hurt and upset I’d be. Makes me cum so hard I feel like my head’s gonna blow off my shoulders. Dunno why. Guys don’t do this???


Not this one! I would loose that loving feeling if that happened.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lance Mannion said:


> How about the trash TV romantic-sci-fi show "Outlander" where a married woman travels back in time and marries another man and then gets pregnant and comes back to her own time where her husband agrees to raise another man's baby, but is a bad guy for having his own affair. Swoon.


Those novels, written by a woman, are escapist ho fantasies.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Imperfections said:


> Actually, I thought it’s mostly guys that did this? Jealousy can be a powerful aphrodisiac.
> They did tests on this...I can’t remember the exact set up but I remember some monkeys were involved. Something about watching porn of monkeys flirting with your wife would make the husbands ejaculate a lot faster (and stronger) because of strong desire to compete with the sperm of others (yeah, I don’t remember all the details..)


Maybe after the other male is disposed of.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Divinely Favored said:


> Not this one! I would loose that loving feeling if that happened.


I was thinking that too, if I was having sex with my lady and even for an instant had a thought of another man banging her, I’d lose that loving feeling and go watch a fishing show. 

I had a woman say she wanted me to pretend to rape her once......nope, that didn’t do it for me either..... the only man I can imagine that turning on would have to have rapist tendencies.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Evinrude58 said:


> I had a woman say she wanted me to pretend to rape her once......nope, that didn’t do it for me either..... the only man I can imagine that turning on would have to have rapist tendencies.


That's like saying the woman really wants to be raped. A lot fantasies that people do, aren't what they would do in real life. IOW, they want a willing partnet, not an actual victim/attacker/whatever. Someone who does a boss seducing secretary scene, doesn't automatically want to be that unprofessional in their real job. Never conflate the fantasy with what they would do outside it.

Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> I had a woman say she wanted me to pretend to rape her once......nope, that didn’t do it for me either..... the only man I can *imagine* that turning on would have to have rapist tendencies.


Clearly your imagination is way off kilter.

This rape fantasy women have is simply a part of their domination desire. You walk up that ladder incrementally. Have you never been inside her, missionary, then pinned her arms and had her struggle to break free. Lots of giggling, laughter, frustration, desire. Next step up the ladder, just taking her to the bedroom or ordering her to undress. Up the ladder you go.

When I pick up my wife, put her over my shoulder and take her to our bedroom, I'm not exhibiting rapist tendencies. That's a stupid insinuation.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> That's like saying the woman really wants to be raped. A lot fantasies that people do, aren't what they would do in real life. IOW, they want a willing partnet, not an actual victim/attacker/whatever. Someone who does a boss seducing secretary scene, doesn't automatically want to be that unprofessional in their real job. Never conflate the fantasy with what they would do outside it.
> 
> Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


That is logical, But I’m just not a good role player I suppose. I don’t want to prerend to be this or that.... but I wouid consider trying done tile playing, just not a rapist.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Lance Mannion said:


> Clearly your imagination is way off kilter.
> 
> This rape fantasy women have is simply a part of their domination desire. You walk up that ladder incrementally. Have you never been inside her, missionary, then pinned her arms and had her struggle to break free. Lots of giggling, laughter, frustration, desire. Next step up the ladder, just taking her to the bedroom or ordering her to undress. Up the ladder you go.
> 
> When I pick up my wife, put her over my shoulder and take her to our bedroom, I'm not exhibiting rapist tendencies. That's a stupid insinuation.


I suppose since I have never role played a rapist, or been one, I don’t really know what that consists of. Sounds a lot more forceful than taking her upstairs to me.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> I suppose since I have never role played a rapist, or been one, I don’t really know what that consists of. Sounds a lot more forceful than taking her upstairs to me.


Like I wrote, it's a domination/submission spectrum activity. Haven't you played out behavior which is mild on that spectrum? What if your wife wants you to be even more dominant so that she can be even more submissive? What if you ramp it up a bit and she likes it and then wants a bit more, then a bit more. That rape fantasy has as its central element the woman being completely powerless. Because it's a fantasy, it's completely safe, so the woman can explore and she can stop it if she finds the emotions too overwhelming, then can be held safely in your arms and reassured of your love and protection.

Have you playfully wrestled with your wife on your marital bed? My wife finds some satisfaction knowing that I can overpower her. I don't break a sweat and she's struggling, all serious, to break free, to flip me, etc. Then she gives up and laughs and kisses me. Women like male strength, they simply don't want to be threatened by it, they want to be protected by it. That's the core difference in play that distinguishes fantasy from reality. She's the boss of you. She controls the play. They like physical strength, they like strength of character, a man sure of himself and his power. The sensitive male and the metrosexual were nothing more than intellectual innovations which were not field tested against real women.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Evinrude58 said:


> I suppose since I have never role played a rapist, or been one, I don’t really know what that consists of. Sounds a lot more forceful than taking her upstairs to me.


Mrs. Conan has never asked for a specific rape role play but she absolutely responds with heat and greatly increased arousal when I dominate her physically. This has included holding her wrists pinned to the bed as I take her, pinned above her head, held to her sides when I am behind her and using her own arms as pullies to assist my thrusts.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Evinrude58 said:


> I had a woman say she wanted me to pretend to rape her once......nope, that didn’t do it for me either..... the only man I can imagine that turning on would have to have rapist tendencies.


It’s one of the most common fantasies, apparently (of women)


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## Lakesparrow (Mar 17, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> I voted yes because I use to watch a lot of porn.
> 
> It wasn't all the time that I brought images into play and I honestly didn't fantasize about a specific person but more the situation, sex act and responsiveness or heat of a certain scene.


My husband has kept his eyes shut during sex for our entire nearly 26 years together. I kind of assumed he had some sort of movie in his mind. It's hard to take cues or know if you should bother someone w their eyes shut....it's hard to know what they like when they won't say anything. Maybe he was thinking about the heat of a scene? I know like you said....that's what I do now. If he wants me. Which can be as long as 7 months apart. I've stopped asking or hinting or trying. Actually I've pretty much disengaged. I'm his maid.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lakesparrow said:


> My husband has kept his eyes shut during sex for our entire nearly 26 years together. I kind of assumed he had some sort of movie in his mind. It's hard to take cues or know if you should bother someone w their eyes shut....it's hard to know what they like when they won't say anything. Maybe he was thinking about the heat of a scene? I know like you said....that's what I do now. If he wants me. Which can be as long as 7 months apart. I've stopped asking or hinting or trying. Actually I've pretty much disengaged. I'm his maid.


Ugh. Definitely not our situation. I stopped that pretty early on. I sometimes close my eyes with pleasure but they don't stay closed long. Mrs. Conan closes her eyes more than me.

I'm sorry it has been that way for you!


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

Lakesparrow said:


> My husband has kept his eyes shut during sex for our entire nearly 26 years together. I kind of assumed he had some sort of movie in his mind. It's hard to take cues or know if you should bother someone w their eyes shut....it's hard to know what they like when they won't say anything. Maybe he was thinking about the heat of a scene? I know like you said....that's what I do now. If he wants me. Which can be as long as 7 months apart. I've stopped asking or hinting or trying. Actually I've pretty much disengaged. I'm his maid.


Yea, that sucks. Might as well just put a bag over each other’s heads.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Imperfections said:


> It’s one of the most common fantasies, apparently (of women)


I keep reading this in posts by *men;* but, since I don't discuss sex with friends have no clue as to its veracity. Am wondering if this is some type of urban myth. Someone could start a poll of women to see how many female members have this fantasy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> I keep reading this in posts by *men;* but, since I don't discuss sex with friends have no clue as to its veracity. Am wondering if this is some type of urban myth. Someone could start a poll of women to see how many female members have this fantasy.


I really have no idea but I do know it's out there to varying degrees but so is a lot of other weird stuff.

I don't believe any woman actually wants to be raped unless they are insane but there is something floating around in the womansphere about being dominated, taken or even fantasizing about a dreamlike scenario rape that doesn't resemble an actual one at all.

I don't personally believe that the more extreme fantasy is all that common at all.

It's possibly similar to the myth that most men fantasize about their wives with other men.

It is out there but I doubt just how common it is.

I will say that most women I have known, including Mrs. Conan, enjoy being controlled or dominated in bed to a certain extent.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> I keep reading this in posts by *men;* but, since I don't discuss sex with friends have no clue as to its veracity. Am wondering if this is some type of urban myth. Someone could start a poll of women to see how many female members have this fantasy.


Not rape itself obviously. But domination and ‘pretend-rape’, power and control games etc...Apparently majority of women fantasise about this if you google questionnaires/studies.
It’s hard to prove (and to account for the fact that everyone answers truthfully). With a very important caveat that those fantasies are all within a LTR in a committed relationship.
I don’t like bringing this up because it’s a dangerous topic (plus women that are not into it, will absolutely riot against it) and may give men the wrong ideas. In society, we obviously need to absolutely make sure no one gets hurt and nothing is done against anyone’s actual will.
Plus I only can refer to a sample of one and it is definitely a thing...Moreover, I am also not sure she would answer the questionnaire 100% truthfully either (too embarrassed). It is very confusing. But in the rare moments when she was comfortable being open about it, she explained it to me..And I think I finally get it now & and feel privileged she would feel comfortable enough to share that aspect of herself with me.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

^ I have [this] fantasy. But not with (for) strangers. So yes, maybe it’s more a domination thing with your partner. I notice that when a man is too gentle and tender in general, I’ll have this fantasy. Or like if I push him too far, I‘ll imagine him coming in screaming at me, spit flying everywhere, throwing me down and exerting his manhood. Save the tender crap for when I’m hormonal and needy.

Am I even on topic anymore. ..


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

C.C. says ... said:


> ^ I have [this] fantasy. But not with (for) strangers. So yes, maybe it’s more a domination thing with your partner. I notice that when a man is too gentle and tender in general, I’ll have this fantasy. Or like if I push him too far, I‘ll imagine him coming in screaming at me, spit flying everywhere, throwing me down and exerting his manhood. Save the tender crap for when I’m hormonal and needy.
> 
> Am I even on topic anymore. ..


This is an interesting topic but I'm probably too lazy to start a thread about it.😁


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> This is an interesting topic but I'm probably too lazy to start a thread about it.😁


I’m not going to because it’s just going to boil down into the same thing it always does- that I‘m a “sicko“. Then I’ll feel bad about myself and sulk.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

C.C. says ... said:


> I’m not going to because it’s just going to boil down into the same thing it always does-* that I‘m a “sicko“*. Then I’ll feel bad about myself and sulk.


Well, I was going to say ...lol j/k

Methinks you need to get laid.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

I know right! 😂


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

C.C. says ... said:


> I’m not going to because it’s just going to boil down into the same thing it always does- that I‘m a “sicko“. Then I’ll feel bad about myself and sulk.


You talked me into it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> You talked me into it.


Hey, now! lol


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> I keep reading this in posts by *men;* but, since I don't discuss sex with friends have no clue as to its veracity. Am wondering if this is some type of urban myth. Someone could start a poll of women to see how many female members have this fantasy.


Not my fantasy at all!!!


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> You talked me into it.


Oh ****.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

pastasauce79 said:


> Not my fantasy at all!!!


Notice the horrified face ^ 

SEE WHAT I MEAN


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

C.C. says ... said:


> Notice the horrified face ^
> 
> SEE WHAT I MEAN


Lol! 

I guess I'm the opposite, if I need something different I take charge and ask and do things instead of waiting for the guy to make them happen. I have plenty of fantasies but rough handling or yelling at me are not a turn on for me.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> I don't personally believe that the more extreme fantasy is all that common at all.


This is a difficult question to answer because it depends, during a snapshot in time, a moment in a woman's life, where she is on the domination spectrum at the moment you ask her. This is an evolving issue for a lot of women. They work up to that big fantasy.

Ask a bunch of 16 year old girls about wanting a rape fantasy and they'll think you're nuts and that it doesn't exist.
Ask a bunch of 36 year old women and you'll get a different answer.
Ask a bunch of 36 year old women who've previously enjoyed themselves when being dominated, to various degrees, and you'll get an even higher response than from the general 36 year old female sample.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Lance Mannion said:


> This is a difficult question to answer because it depends, during a snapshot in time, a moment in a woman's life, where she is on the domination spectrum at the moment you ask her. This is an evolving issue for a lot of women. They work up to that big fantasy.
> 
> Ask a bunch of 16 year old girls about wanting a rape fantasy and they'll think you're nuts and that it doesn't exist.
> Ask a bunch of 36 year old women and you'll get a different answer.
> Ask a bunch of 36 year old women who've previously enjoyed themselves when being dominated, to various degrees, and you'll get an even higher response than from the general 36 year old female sample.


Thank you, Captain Obvious.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Thank you, Captain Obvious.


I do what I can. Truth, Justice and the American Way.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

C.C. says ... said:


> ^ I have [this] fantasy. But not with (for) strangers. So yes, maybe it’s more a domination thing with your partner. I notice that when a man is too gentle and tender in general, I’ll have this fantasy. Or like if I push him too far, I‘ll imagine him coming in screaming at me, spit flying everywhere, throwing me down and exerting his manhood. Save the tender crap for when I’m hormonal and needy.
> 
> Am I even on topic anymore. ..


Yeah that...in that fantasy, I’m apparently both me AND the stranger. 
Does he know when you are pushing him? Or is he as clueless as I am when you are doing it?
The problem for me is that I cannot really be both angry and horny at the same time easily. And I cannot tell the difference when she is pushing me because of sex, or just doing the usual nagging/telling me off for something. It’s very bad if I get it wrong...

I can just hear how ‘reasonable’ this would sound in court: “But you honour, she loves it when I get angry...” 
We need to have an ‘aftercare’ section for husbands with submissive wives...Nobody ever thinks about the poor husbands who were brought up being (gentle)men in today’s society...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I akso short term dated a gorgeous woman that was pretty crazy. She liked the dom-sub thing and wanted me to read up on it and make her my sub. At the time, I was building a cabin and didn’t care to take the time to read up because I was dead tired after working non stop. I didn’t have enough time for her and she flew the coop. What a figure!
Kinda wish I’d made more effort, but she was nuts so no big deal. 
so apparently lots of women out there with freaky tendencies.


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## Dread Pirate Roberts (May 22, 2012)

I haven't read most of this thread, but for me the porn I watch is primarily positions that my girlfriend doesn't like to do and imagining that it's her and not the other way around. If that makes any sense.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

C.C. says ... said:


> I’m not going to because it’s just going to boil down into the same thing it always does- that I‘m a “sicko“. Then I’ll feel bad about myself and sulk.


I guess we need to form our own "sicko" club......


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Blondilocks said:


> I keep reading this in posts by *men;* but, since I don't discuss sex with friends have no clue as to its veracity. Am wondering if this is some type of urban myth. Someone could start a poll of women to see how many female members have this fantasy.


Not really. It's been noted over several studies, and is just as common among men, and is as common to be the "attacker" as well as the "victim".



https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rape_fantasy said:


> *Fantasy*
> Studies have found rape fantasy is a common sexual fantasy among both men and women[_citation needed_]. The fantasy may involve the fantasist as either the one being forced into sex or being the perpetrator. A 1974 study by Hariton and Singer[1] found that being "overpowered or forced to surrender" was the second most frequent fantasy in their survey; a 1984 study by Knafo and Jaffe ranked being overpowered as their study's most common fantasy during intercourse. In 1985, Louis H. Janda, an associate professor of psychology at Old Dominion University, said that the sexual fantasy of being raped is the most common sexual fantasy for women.[2] A 1988 study by Pelletier and Herold found that over half of their female respondents had fantasies of forced sex.[3]
> 
> The most frequently cited hypothesis for why women fantasize of being forced and coerced into some sexual activity is that the fantasy avoids societally induced guilt—the woman does not have to admit responsibility for her sexual desires and behavior. A 1978 study by Moreault and Follingstad[4] was consistent with this hypothesis, and found that women with high levels of sex guilt were more likely to report fantasy themed around being overpowered, dominated, and helpless. In contrast, Pelletier and Herold used a different measure of guilt and found no correlation. Other research suggests that women who report forced sex fantasies have a more positive attitude towards sexuality, contradicting the guilt hypothesis.[5] A 1998 study by Strassberg and Lockerd found that women who fantasized about force were generally less guilty and more erotophilic, and as a result had more frequent and varied fantasies. However, it said that force fantasies are not the most common or the most frequent.[6]
> ...


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> The most frequently cited hypothesis for why women fantasize of being forced and coerced into some sexual activity is that the fantasy avoids societally induced guilt—the woman does not have to admit responsibility for her sexual desires and behavior.


Yes that’s 100% her. Have you by chance ever come across an explanation why a (non-religious) woman would need to feel guilty for having sexual desires?


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Imperfections said:


> Yes that’s 100% her. Have you by chance ever come across an explanation why a (non-religious) woman would need to feel guilty for having sexual desires?


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


>


I don’t think it’s a feminist thing. Nor societal pressures. I feel like it runs deeper than this. Almost some kind of an instinct; can’t experience pleasure without some form of pain that has to be inflicted by me in one way or another.


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## Lance Mannion (Nov 24, 2020)

Imperfections said:


> I don’t think it’s a feminist thing. Nor societal pressures. I feel like it runs deeper than this. Almost some kind of an instinct; can’t experience pleasure without some form of pain that has to be inflicted by me in one way or another.


Men and women have different interests. Biologically speaking.
Men want to be assured of paternity, so a woman's sexual behavior is of paramount importance to men. A man wants his woman's sexual desire to be solely directed at him. This is more problematic BEFORE the man and woman commit to each other.
A woman has sexual desires. No different than a man. She wants to act on them, but freaking hates being held accountable for her choices, because to be held accountable results in a diminution of her options, some doors will close for her.
So, what is going on is an internal battle regarding her choices - act in the immediate time-frame with respect to her sexual desire and therein close some future doors, or refrain from acting on the immediate sexual desire in order to keep open more choices for the future. 
People generally have very poor impulse control, will power, so the act of holding off on immediate desires often fails, this means women will be held accountable by future men and they freaking hate that. It's a form of cake-eating, they want freedom of action and freedom from being held accountable.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Imperfections said:


> Yes that’s 100% her. Have you by chance ever come across an explanation why a (non-religious) woman would need to feel guilty for having sexual desires?


A non religious person may have had a very religious upbringing. Other than that, society in general has a lot of overall little cues that can be absorbed unconsciously.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

maquiscat said:


> A non religious person may have had a very religious upbringing. Other than that, society in general has a lot of overall little cues that can be absorbed unconsciously.


There has also been a lot of trash research and science that people have been swallowing for nearly a hundred years, probably more actually.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

Lance Mannion said:


> Men and women have different interests. Biologically speaking.
> Men want to be assured of paternity, so a woman's sexual behavior is of paramount importance to men. A man wants his woman's sexual desire to be solely directed at him. This is more problematic BEFORE the man and woman commit to each other.
> A woman has sexual desires. No different than a man. She wants to act on them, but freaking hates being held accountable for her choices, because to be held accountable results in a diminution of her options, some doors will close for her.
> So, what is going on is an internal battle regarding her choices - act in the immediate time-frame with respect to her sexual desire and therein close some future doors, or refrain from acting on the immediate sexual desire in order to keep open more choices for the future.
> People generally have very poor impulse control, will power, so the act of holding off on immediate desires often fails, this means women will be held accountable by future men and they freaking hate that. It's a form of cake-eating, they want freedom of action and freedom from being held accountable.


How does acting on desire limit someone’s choices? Shouldn’t it leave one with more choices? (As males tend to appreciate seeing a woman with desire; as sign of fertility?)
And why would a woman still act that way when both have committed to each other? That seems the more slightly weird part.

Also you write as if it all happens consciously. I don’t think it does. It feels more like something that’s built into genes and totally subconscious. Like men being competitive. Not something we do consciously, most of the time.


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## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> A non religious person may have had a very religious upbringing. Other than that, society in general has a lot of overall little cues that can be absorbed unconsciously.


She didn’t have a religious upbringing. And parents seem ‘normal’ (as in, no weird hang ups about sex, that I know of. But I haven’t observed them having sex..). The only explanation she mentioned herself once was that she doesn’t like it to be ‘too easy’ (with sex). It’s almost a kind of game she is playing that she doesn’t seem to know and want to know that she is playing. Sorry, if i feel brave enough I will start another thread. I don’t want to irritate with off topic. 

I think it is important to understand it better in the context of a LTR because I see a lot of men complaining about behaviour in their wives that seems very similar but it is misinterpreted as deliberate unwillingness to want to participate in sex or various kinks...Whereas it could just be a kind of block or a (very elaborate) way to entice a man. Like a tigress walking to the male and smacking him with her tale or biting him, would not necessarily indicate to the outside observer that she actually is very horny at this point..(but in the human world the man may start sulking because he might interpret it as rejection).

You see, I don’t think we have evolved enough to be able to use the right words for sex initiation. And men seem to have evolved too much to pick up on the wrong cues...But it seems that certain hang ups or mental blocks are central to various kinks and are there for a reasons; so that it seems easier for the brain to process them or get around actually enjoying sex, in a very roundabout way.
(I don’t mean ‘hangups’ in a negative sense. But it seems to be a thing and I don’t know what else to call it. It’s like an internal conflict.)


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## Lakesparrow (Mar 17, 2019)

C.C. says ... said:


> Yea, that sucks. Might as well just put a bag over each other’s heads.


Yup. I've tried everything. Even wigs and accents. Sometimes for an angry joke i wave my hand in his face to see if he's there. 

He's pretty much asexual or a porn dog now I'm assuming since he hasn't reached for me in years. I'm sleeping in a different room now for a few reasons. I've trained myself out of chasing him and I've managed to stay faithful though I fantasize about a guy in my building at work.

I was going to leave and have a life of debouchery but our son got a DWI and i stayed to help him, then to help our daughter through college. Also who would pick my H dishes up off the floor where he leaves them for the dogs or do his laundry or fix up the house for his next wife? I hope she enjoys Benjamin Moore palattes.

Is it any wonder I have entire fantasies about random office building guy? I submit that it is not. He even works in my field (I transferred a client to him) and agrees that our job is work. Unlike my H who believes he works and I just go to an office. Also cute office building guy works out swoon. And kayaks like I do Double Swoon. 

I find myself fantasizing that my H meets someone and runs away to be w her. Wow. That's a 180 from when he had his affair years ago. It's funny what happens when your husband stops treating you like a sexual being.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Evinrude58 said:


> I akso short term dated a gorgeous woman that was pretty crazy. She liked the dom-sub thing and wanted me to read up on it and make her my sub. At the time, I was building a cabin and didn’t care to take the time to read up because I was dead tired after working non stop. I didn’t have enough time for her and she flew the coop. What a figure!
> Kinda wish I’d made more effort, but she was nuts so no big deal.
> so apparently lots of women out there with freaky tendencies.


Look how many got all hot and bothered with the SofG books. Pretty much tells you about alot of women who peofess to like one yhing but what they get off on is something entirely different.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lakesparrow said:


> Yup. I've tried everything. Even wigs and accents. Sometimes for an angry joke i wave my hand in his face to see if he's there.
> 
> He's pretty much asexual or a porn dog now I'm assuming since he hasn't reached for me in years. I'm sleeping in a different room now for a few reasons. I've trained myself out of chasing him and I've managed to stay faithful though I fantasize about a guy in my building at work.
> 
> ...


Ugh. You need to go live woman!


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Ugh. You need to go live woman!


I concur. My exH is gay so I know exactly what happens when your husband stops treating you like a sexual being. I got out and now have a man who treats me like he is not only in love with me but also very attracted to me.

I never had somebody before who would say "nice ass" anytime I bent over. I gotta say...I like it. Sometimes I bend over on purpose just to hear it. Having a guy want me again has been true heaven for me.

You really need to get out and start living again!!!!!!!!! _hugs_


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## Lakesparrow (Mar 17, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Ugh. You need to go live woman!


I don't know what that means but I did have a vid go viral on Tictok.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lakesparrow said:


> I don't know what that means but I did have a vid go viral on Tictok.


You aren't living. You are being killed slowly through neglect and indifference.


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## Lakesparrow (Mar 17, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> You aren't living. You are being killed slowly through neglect and indifference.


Ha I thought you meant "go live" like live TV. I'm living. I have a BA and options. Since the kids moved out (except for internships) I've been in a fun dance troop where we dress up as witches or elves and do events at local wineries and breweries and other places. and joined the gym and yoga. I bought a cool vintage bicycle. I redid most of the house by myself...flooring, wall repair, painted the whole place. I'm looking for a dog to do agility with. I kayak. I'm living my best life and he's missing it. I feel bad for him. I told him he should buy the motorcycle he has always wanted. Like do it! I'm 44 and he is 50. And after covid calms down I'm making plans to do some solo trips to visit my old girl pals. If I have room mate status at this point I'm going to use it. I know he loves me. But if he wanted this to work he would have done counseling. Maybe addressed why he's so unhappy? It is what it is. He wanted me to shut up and not nag him for sex or help with anything. He stonewalled me....until I used to beg and cry. Now I just do what I want. I rip out carpets and threw the old sofa on the front lawn and demanded a new one w my finger over the order button on Wayfair. (don't judge it was 15 years old and he said I couldn't get a new one till the kids moved out then rebuffed me). I guess he won? Lol. I really don't gaf. But if I bounce nobody's going to say I left the house a wreck.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

notmyjamie said:


> I concur. My exH is gay so I know exactly what happens when your husband stops treating you like a sexual being. I got out and now have a man who treats me like he is not only in love with me but also very attracted to me.
> 
> I never had somebody before who would say "nice ass" anytime I bent over. I gotta say...I like it. Sometimes I bend over on purpose just to hear it. Having a guy want me again has been true heaven for me.
> 
> You really need to get out and start living again!!!!!!!!! _hugs_


As a man. I would love if my wife would make me feel wanted. I completely understand where this is coming from.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

leftfield said:


> As a man. I would love if my wife would make me feel wanted. I completely understand where this is coming from.


I want to "like" this post but I can't...I just feel for anyone who feels unwanted in their relationship. It's so damaging. I'm sorry.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

notmyjamie said:


> I want to "like" this post but I can't...I just feel for anyone who feels unwanted in their relationship. It's so damaging. I'm sorry.


Sorry, I didn't mean to mislead. I feel wanted in general. But I would like to feel sexually wanted.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

leftfield said:


> Sorry, I didn't mean to mislead. I feel wanted in general. But I would like to feel sexually wanted.


I knew that's what you meant. My exH still wants me as his wife. He misses me terribly and would say yes in a heartbeat if I asked to come back to him. Still doesn't want me sexually though and that hurts.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Lakesparrow said:


> Ha I thought you meant "go live" like live TV. I'm living. I have a BA and options. Since the kids moved out (except for internships) I've been in a fun dance troop where we dress up as witches or elves and do events at local wineries and breweries and other places. and joined the gym and yoga. I bought a cool vintage bicycle. I redid most of the house by myself...flooring, wall repair, painted the whole place. I'm looking for a dog to do agility with. I kayak. I'm living my best life and he's missing it. I feel bad for him. I told him he should buy the motorcycle he has always wanted. Like do it! I'm 44 and he is 50. And after covid calms down I'm making plans to do some solo trips to visit my old girl pals. If I have room mate status at this point I'm going to use it. I know he loves me. But if he wanted this to work he would have done counseling. Maybe addressed why he's so unhappy? It is what it is. He wanted me to shut up and not nag him for sex or help with anything. He stonewalled me....until I used to beg and cry. Now I just do what I want. I rip out carpets and threw the old sofa on the front lawn and demanded a new one w my finger over the order button on Wayfair. (don't judge it was 15 years old and he said I couldn't get a new one till the kids moved out then rebuffed me). I guess he won? Lol. I really don't gaf. But if I bounce nobody's going to say I left the house a wreck.


Excellent! Just one primal area that hasn't been dealt with but it sounds like you are well on your way.

It is too bad he decided to drop out of life and I'm glad you didn't follow suit.


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