# Finding a balance with working and making/spending money



## peteG (Feb 12, 2013)

My wife and I are in our early 30s, have no kids. About three years ago my wife decided to start working part time, because she wanted to go back to school. She took one class, and didn't like it, so she stopped - but she didn't want to go back full time.

Some weeks she works 35 hours a week, and some weeks, like last week, she works like 16. I on the other hand have a full 40 hour a week corporate job and have had to start a side business to try to make ends meet at the house. Basically the extra income is about thre difference between her working full time and part time.

So we fight...she keeps taking less and less hours and work but continues to spend money on cosmetics and clothes. Our bills are piling up and we are constantly behind on ulitility payements. I keep trying to get her to either work more, or spend less, neither of which she'll do, and we just get in huge fights.

It's a problem because I can't really work much more. I have a growing small business and a full time job and I'm pulling in good money, but we are never getting ahead. She's always buying gifts for people, making plans for expensive dinners, volunteering instead of working...etc...and then gets mad at me when I don't want to spend extra money on groceries. She'll donate our money that we need for bills and then tell me I should be more genorous when I get angry.

The worst is she gets mad at me for working too much and tells me it 'makes her feel bad like she isn't pulling her weight'...but she never tries to put in any more hours at work, it just keeps getting less and less...recently she took a carribean vacation that she 'had to go on'...and still didn't put one extra hour in at the office.

what do i do here? I feel like i'm just supposed to be the man and provide, but does a girl who has no children or responsibilies need a 3-4 day weeked every week? why does she need so much time off?? i like that she's around but it just puts more pressure on me to make the money we need. 

She got so mad at me last night when i found out she took today off after not working friday or saturday last week that she hit me...then ripped up a photo album we have been collecting for 5 years. I couldn't believe it. It really hurt my feelings to see her rip up all those memories over needing her help to pay OUR bills. I'm buried in debt at this point and have tried everything to stop playing 'dad' with the money but i don't know what else to do.


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## peteG (Feb 12, 2013)

I'm making decent money, but it's not enough to support two people and with my wife's spending and part time job, i have incurred a lot of credit card debt. we have three cars, a mortgage, and student loan debt.

I'm not trying to troll, i was just looking for some insight for other who may have had a SO that had different financial goals. it's like she thinks the money is just going to 'be there' because we are 'good people' and 'we deserve it'


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is on you. Stop all access to your money. If she wants more she can work for it. You're enabling her.


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## tennisstar (Dec 19, 2011)

anotherguy said:


> 3 cars? Mortgage, student loans. You are both working.. yeah she 16-35 hours. Should be able to work this out, if you are both reasonable.
> 
> Put a budget together. Prior 6 months in excruciating detail...EVERYTHING right down to coffee. Then forcast next year at the current rate of (non) savings or even negative cash flow. Show her. Remind her that it isnt a joke. Then you can both sit down and figure out where you want to be in a year and what its worth to you - both of you.
> 
> ...




hat is there not to believe about his story? A lot of people make good money, but spend too much. His story happens all the time. 

Sounds like you are going to have to be tough and realize this might break the marriage. Move your paycheck to a separate account. Sounds like she's going to throw a fit. So be it. Walk away. It is terrible she wants to tear up things. If this continues, maybe you need to think about counseling or divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

anotherguy said:


> "I'm pulling in good money"
> 
> "I'm buried in debt"
> 
> Which is it?


Both can be true. There is a big difference between _making_ money and _managing_ it. OP is obviously good at the former but struggles with the latter. A good example of this would the lottery winners, celebrities, wall street brokers who came across a windfall once in their lives only to lose it all -

More Rich People Who Lost it All (Free Money Finance)

OP, since you make 'good money' your problem isn't financial. Its got everything to do with your wife's inability to comprehend personal finances.



peteG said:


> she thinks the money is just going to 'be there' because we are 'good people' and 'we deserve it'


We get money that we *earn*, not what we "deserve". If that were true all of us would be millionaires and billionaires. . IMO someone who thinks like this has developed a sense of entitlement.

Tell her she has 2 choices - Either pick up more hours or cut back spending. If she won't listen it may be time to put her on a budget or separate your finances.

IMO its ridiculous to donate money to charity when you are struggling to keep the lights on in your own house. Charity begins at home, remember ?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

For heaven's sake, pete, just stop giving her any money. Man or mouse? "You don't wanna work? Fine. Have fun figuring out how to buy more stuff without my money."


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Get a new bank account in your name only and cancel her credit cards.

Make a budget and stick to it.

Sell 2 cars and any other junk you don't need

Whatever you do don't get her pregnant now


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Cleaned up two posts with troll accusations. Hijacking a thread is a violation of forum rules. Please feel free to report suspicious threads, but refrain from hijacking threads.


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## aquajay (Feb 13, 2013)

Separate your finances and make her contribute "equally"... based on percent. Take the totals and divide it up. This works well for spouses who make varying incomes, rather than sharing 50%-50%. 

Also, it can work to limit the spending $ and make sure that is in the budget. Both partners need money they can blow without having to discuss with the other.


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