# No Marriage/Kids= Red Flags?



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Hello all-

So my good friend that I’ve known since I was 13 is wanting me to meet her cousin.
I guess she’s seen my bad luck and wanted to try.
I don’t know anything about him, but I asked her what made her decide to set us up for a meet?

She says he’s wanting the same thing as you, and he’s very nice!

Mind you, I am curious as to why now she wants to set us up. I mean I’ve been single for awhile now.

Anywoo, he just turned 50. Almost was married but the girl was acting off and found out she had some mental issues and they split. No kids.

Is this a red flag? I would think she wouldn’t set me up with a crud bucket, but he may be looking at me as to why I’m still single. 

I dunno.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

It's only one date. If he's a loser, then you're off the hook. OTOH he may turn out to be a great guy. Take a chance and go out with him once.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Have you seen pictures of each other? What else do you know about him?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

She told him a little about me and showed him pics of me. He says I was pretty and why don’t she set us up to meet.

I’ve seen his FB pic. Nice looking man and the above is all I know about him


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Sue4473 said:


> She told him a little about me and showed him pics of me. He says I was pretty and why don’t she set us up to meet.
> 
> I’ve seen his FB pic. Nice looking man and the above is all I know about him


So set up a date in a public place, zero option of going back to your place or his afterward, and see where it goes. Nothing to lose if you set boundaries ahead of time.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

As l see this there are no red flags yet. And l don't care if you BBF sets you up. It's just a date go and enjoy. Have fun !


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Its pretty unusual for a person to still be single and have no kids at 50, but who knows. Give it a try.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Nothing ventured.......nothing gained.........really? At this stage of your life your options are so endless you have to ask? I'm not so lucky.....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sue4473 said:


> Hello all-
> 
> So my good friend that I’ve known since I was 13 is wanting me to meet her cousin.
> I guess she’s seen my bad luck and wanted to try.
> ...


How long was he with this girl friend who was acting off?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I don’t know how long he dated the “off” girl. I haven’t heard anymore from my friend, so I’m letting her set it up if he still interested. With the holidays, I’m sure they’re busy.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> Anywoo, he just turned 50. Almost was married but the girl was acting off and found out she had some mental issues and they split. No kids.
> 
> Is this a red flag?


I had the same exact situation 10 or 12 years ago after finding myself single again.

The guy was decent looking, owned his own home, seemed genuinely nice and kind, and he had no kids and was never married. Not being a fan of dealing with kids and crazy ex's, I was totally fine with that. But it DID strike me as a bit odd that in all of his 50 years on this earth, he'd managed to stay single that whole entire time.

I mean, if I thought he seemed to be a decent catch, surely I wasn't the only one? So why was he still single? According to him, the timing was wrong when he did find someone he wanted to marry (she ended up moving across the country for her career) and his other 2 or 3 serious relationships after that just never got to the marriage stage. Fair enough, I figured.

I always say, "the crazy eventually comes out within the first 6 months," and he was _no_ exception. We used to text or email rather than talk on the phone at night. It kept us free to do other things and I was fine with a few lines here and there over the course of the evening, just saying hi and what-not. But what I came to find out eventually was that the guy was a bonafide alcoholic and _that's_ why he would text and not call. The couple of times I chose to call him out of the blue on a weeknight, he would be slurring his words and I'd have to ask him a few times what he'd just said. He kept blaming it on his lousy phone line (which was legit - the phone wires in his house were awful). But I'm not an idiot. It was apparent to me after this happened a couple times that it wasn't just coincidence - he was a full-fledged drunk who, for the most part, had managed to keep _most_ of it well hidden from me for a few months.

I don't have time for that crap.

I broke up with him at the 5 month mark. We remained friends for a long time after that, but I have no interest in being with a drunk. And NOT surprisingly, he's still single and still child-free, ladies! :grin2:

Not saying that's what will happen to you, but there's a _reason_ this guy is single.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Omg. Wow 
Well maybe is a sign that nothing has developed lol


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sue4473 said:


> I don’t know how long he dated the “off” girl. I haven’t heard anymore from my friend, so I’m letting her set it up if he still interested. With the holidays, I’m sure they’re busy.


I think this is an important question. He's 50. She mentions one woman he's been with. Either they dated for a very long time; or he's had a string of others; or he seldom dates.

Have you googled his name to see if anything comes up?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I did and got his linked in info.

I’m sure he’s dated others. 
I guess I was assuming that he is decent knowing his cousin (my friend that I’ve known since teens)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sue4473 said:


> I did and got his linked in info.
> 
> I’m sure he’s dated others.
> I guess I was assuming that he is decent knowing his cousin (my friend that I’ve known since teens)


It's reasonable for you to assume that he's a decent guy. Just go slowly. As others have suggested, if you do start seeing him, just start slow. Meet him for coffee, or something simple like that at first. Drive yourself to and from. 

It takes several months to really get to know a person. That's what dating is about. From what I've read and experienced, it takes about 18 months to really know a person.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Keep an open mind, and dont' have sex too soon. A few possible reasons...

Positive.

He is unlucky, he has high standards, he is deeply religious, he focused on his career.

Negative

He just used prostitutes his whole life*, he's lying about his lifestyle, he's a psychopath, 

Neutral

I've noticed that people who remain unmarried until their 50's are often set in their ways and firmly independent they may have a difficulty adapting to a partner or handling disapproval.

*told to me by someone in their 50s first time marriage that he was going to save money on prostitutes, I am not making this up!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Just remember - the crazy usually comes out within the first 6 months, so stay vigilant. :laugh:


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

There are obviously many possibilities. If you do meet him and are interested, just be cautious (which is always a good idea with anyone you meet).


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I looked in my crystal ball.

He may be bi-sexual.

If true, you may want to bicycle away.

Anyway, if you want to give him a try, require that he wear an umbrella under the sheets. (condom-dee-do)

50 years being single allows for a lot of germs to find home in a worm.



King Alroy-


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Thanks all!
I’m meeting my friend tomorrow for coffee, so I will ask more questions and see what happens.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wow, I'm lucky my husband didn't have the attitude that because I was single and childless at 38 when he met me that it meant there was something wrong with me! I was that way because I wasted years on the wrong man, stuck in an abusive relationship. When I finally left I had to recover from all that.

A dear girlfriend of mine got married earlier this year - at 57. She is the most beautiful, amazing woman and there is nothing "wrong" with her. She was just very unlucky in love. She married a divorcee with an adult son, and they are two peas in a pod, so happy and great for each other.

It's one date - go, enjoy yourself with no expectations. He may be a wonderful man. He may be a complete loser, but you won't know if you don't go.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Sue4473 said:
> 
> 
> > Anywoo, he just turned 50. Almost was married but the girl was acting off and found out she had some mental issues and they split. No kids.
> ...


But again, a guy who is 50, has been married, and has kids, could also be an alcoholic. 

Personally, I’ve never felt that having never been married past 40 is necessarily a red flag. It could be that some people just don’t have the typical personality for marriage. 

I know a guy who dated until age 42. He said every woman he dated seemed pushy and controlling. Who knows, it may be what some would call normal. He finally met a woman and married at age 42 and had 2 kids. He’s been married now for 15 years and seems happy as a lark.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Sue4473 said:


> Thanks all!
> I’m meeting my friend tomorrow for coffee, so I will ask more questions and see what happens.


Did you get a chance to ask your friend if he's still interested?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

**Update**
Hello all-
I ended up meeting my friend for lunch, and I got to ask a few more questions about her cousin etc. he’s an only child like me lol and he got into a bad dirt bike accident and he was told he would never walk again- he dated at that time, but was more invested in recovering. 
Then over time he worked went to school, lost a few jobs, got his feet back on the ground and he met a nice lady they were engaged, but some things started to come out that showed her mental illness.

I guess after that he just never met anyone that he wanted to go long term with. 
Both parents have passed, and he’s wanting to find a long term companion and he wished to have a family, but it never happened.

She gave him my contact and he’s busy trying to sell his house and with work schedule. So I’ll sure when he’s freed up we will be in contact.

I’ll look at this as a positive that maybe we will hit it off. 

Never know!


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Sue4473 said:


> **Update**
> Hello all-
> I ended up meeting my friend for lunch, and I got to ask a few more questions about her cousin etc. he’s an only child like me lol and he got into a bad dirt bike accident and he was told he would never walk again- he dated at that time, but was more invested in recovering.
> Then over time he worked went to school, lost a few jobs, got his feet back on the ground and he met a nice lady they were engaged, but some things started to come out that showed her mental illness.
> ...


Sorry cool, good for you!


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