# I am so Angry! The pain and pregnancy hormones are overwhelming!



## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

My husband couldn't care less how I feel and let alone how our unborn child and 4 year old son are. I am so unbelievably angry right now (going through that super fun phase of betrayal!). All he cares about right now is himself and his, excuse me, nasty, WEATHERED, morally corrupt, prune***** of a **** old woman. ACK! Here I am carless (he took my jeep the other night as I slept, unbeknown to me), moneyless, and comfortless. Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself right now. I am 9-10 weeks pregnant and a homemaker/mother of a 4 year old. I currently don't have access to funds of my own, and now I am unable to get to my obgyn appts, my sons doctor appts, or even to the Department of Family Health to get assistance for my unborn child and son!!! ARRRG! He Took My CAR?!

I am so frustrated right now. I have overwhelming morning sickness, and some days I am throwing up every two hours. This makes it really hard to access public transportation. My lawyer has sent the preliminary divorce papers to me so that I can go over them, and is going to send a demand letter about our vehicle, but all that takes at least the amount of time for the mail to come and go. Even though my stbxh has, for all intents and purposes, abandoned us to live with his prune, he will still contest the divorce. He was surprised (I DO NOT like the word 'surprise' right now as that was the name the OW was under in his phone) that the papers are actually in the works. What did he think was going to happen?!

I am in so much pain! I can hardly handle it. This man who loved and cared for me (or acted that way), who was my lovah at LEAST 5 days a week JUST a month ago, could not care less about me, about our children now! He is blatantly cruel! Ouch! It is overwhelming. Especially when I look at my beautiful son that he is just throwing away. 

I feel like calling his work and telling them to drug-test him for the pot he smokes everyday (a new revelation as well, I honestly don't have a huge problem with pot in EXTREME moderation, but EVERYDAY?!), but then we could lose our income. Not that he has been contributing at all...we have been eating our cabinets clean. I am coming up with the oddest meals. Which stinks because my sweet lil boy needs nutrition, not to mention the cravings I have due to my pregnancy! We can't even go get food boxes because we do not have a way to get there. I feel horrible. I feel like telling her children, who are in their mid-twenties, and anyone else that will listen about what they are doing. But I can't handle people being cruel anymore. No one seems to actually care about this kind of immorality these days. I don't want to deal with anyone's defensive reactions. 

What do I do?! Any suggestions? I've looked into the 180 so that I can HEAL (not to get him back. yech!), but I need other help as well. What is Plan B? I AM in IC and have SOME support through friends, but they can really only do so much, and I have a lawyer. Secretly, a TINY part of myself would welcome him home with open arms if JUST for my lil boy and unborn bebelah, but I am so disgusted and hurt. And it is NOT gonna happen cause he is So out of touch with realtiy that even a counselor recently (more or less) told him that he is a helpless case. HELP ME!


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## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

Is it crazy to NOT want my 4 year old son to go on overnights so soon, especially at the OW's house where my stbxh is staying? I really don't want to confuse him anymore than necessary or expose him to any mama bashing. I have professionals telling me this is perfectly reasonable, but other people telling me that ultimately I won't be able to have any real say in that when the divorce comes though, and that I should encourage any time that my husband is willing to spend with my little boy. I am going for full custody. In Oregon, where I live, it isn't as intensely negative as other states and doesn't mean he is an 'unfit' father. It just means that I have been the parent who he is most attached to and who he has spent the most time with. It doesn't change how much child support he would owe, or even visitation. It just gives me the legal last say in important decisions. As I understand it is pretty much the norm in my situation (stay at home mom).


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Is the car he took in your name?

if so call the police and tell them he stole it.

And no I wouldn't want my son going to stay there yet either and especially not with a man who would leave his family in the lurch like that.

I am sorry you are going through this.


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## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

Thank you so much for your support! 

The jeep isn't in my name, and it is ultimately a civil matter. I do have just as much legal claim to it as he does though. I haven't gone to get it because he will just come right back and get it from me. Also, I'd have to go to her place to do so, and that is just too painful. He is beyond angry with me (for simply existing and for being pregnant? I didn't do it on purpose, and it takes two to tango!), and will use anything to fuel that anger. I am letting my lawyer deal with it for now, but it all takes time...My unborn child and son cannot wait to eat. So far, like I said, I have been very creative food-wise, but we are running out.

I am trying to separate my anger and hurt from how I decide to proceed. Thank you for the outside view on objecting my son to the OW at this point.

Our marriage had its ups and downs before DDay, but for the most part I thought we were in love and happy. Little did I know...


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## LostJB (Aug 3, 2011)

I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I'm 14 weeks pregnant with a 3 year old son. However, I made the stupid decision to leave the house. I thought it was better to remove myself and my son from an unhealthy environment, but now I would pretty much have to fight my way back in. Be thankful you still have your son in the home that he knows and feels safe.

My H isn't living with the OW at this point, but I have no faith that it wouldn't havppen as soon as the divorce really moves forward. We have our initial meeting to discuss child support, custody, and assets on Tuesday. My H has tried to make me feel bad for "keeping" his son from him, when he hasn't made much of an effort to have him for more than a 30 min icecream run every two weeks. 

However, I'm trying to be the bigger person and let him take my son for the weekend, because I know he misses his daddy. Its very difficult not worry about what might happen when we are not with them, especially when giving them off to our H's who don't have a good trackrecord of making good decisions for anyone besides themselves. I'm trying very hard to listen to my counselor, who says "You cannot force people to make good decisions". Also, "Worrying in definition is stressing out over a situation that you cannot control". Hes talked with me about letting go of those worries, and focus more on the "what now". Kids are great observes, but poor interpreters. I'm going to make sure that I communicate as best as I can to my son so that he doesn't try and make heads or tails of this situation himself. 

I agree its difficult to remove the emotion and hormonal reactions when pregnant. (I reacted really badly when i found the OW in my home less than a week after I left, and now I have charges for destruction of property. Brought on by my H and the OW). But the less you let them get the best of you int hat way, the better and more control you will feel.


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## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

Oh, girl! I am sooo sorry that you are in such a nasty situation! Thank you so much for responding...it's awful that you are going through this, but it means a lot to me to know that there are other women surviving (?) this horribleness! I'm really sorry to hear that you are dealing with leaving home and a legal issue as well (aside from divorce, etc!). Wouldn't it be awesome if there was some kind of legal forgiveness regarding 'overwhelmed with hormones and the pain of betrayal so I kinda need to have immunity from all laws I may break within reason'?! I know I feel like doing all KINDS of questionable things! If you don't mind me asking, what did you do that led to charges? I know that it isn't reasonable for us to go around keying cars, and kicking booty, but those inclinations are SO understandable! 

I am also very frustrated that my stbxh and his LOVAAAH have absolutely NO compassion for what this must be like for me, especially pregnant! Stinks!!! I do NOT like the man that my H is today, but I really miss the him I knew SO VERY RECENTLY! I got all kinds of really good legal/personal advice as soon as I found out about his other life or I am SURE I would have made all kinds of mistakes I have been lucky enough to avoid. I've messed up big, don't get me wrong, but overall I'm GENERALLY OK with how I've behaved so far (although I went on a futile I AM SO MAD text binge...about 5 texts in a row (more or less) spewing frustration at how he is so negatively effecting our lil boy! It doesn't seem to matter though. He is nasty, cruel, and angry no matter what.

Found out that the 'legal counsel' he has obtained is 'pre-paid legal services, inc.' I think this may work in our (my unborn bebelah, son and self) favor. I don't know. Anybody have any opinions/knowledge about this route he's taking compared to the actual lawyer I've hired? I am really glad he has access to legal advice now, but I am also glad I tied down an atty when I did and that we are one step ahead. I am so sad that it has come to this. I hate that I think of him as an adversary from the enemy camp now. Never in a million years did I imagine the two of us on either side of this war. All that love and friendship just lost, up in smoke. It sucks.

How long has it been since DDay for you? How is your general outlook day-to-day? I am absolutely rooting for you!!! Hang in there LostJB! Lets stay in touch and hold each other up in place of our lost sweeties turned strangers!


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## angelgal (Jul 25, 2011)

P.S. I SO relate to what your wrote. I am so proud of you for working so hard to do what is best for your sweet child. It is amazing to have such strength in the face of the unknown. In a way it was good that he moved in with her right away, because I didn't spend TOO much time hoping and wishing and waiting for him to come back to me. He made it undeniably clear that we are donedonedone. Also, I didn't have to deal with that anticipatory anxiety just WAITING for the other shoe to drop. Now, the process of reality hitting them square in the kisser will happen much sooner...ultimately I want my stbxh to be in a healthy, stable relationship for the sake of my dear boy, but not with his pruneypants! She is icky, and NOT nice...


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