# Outgrown their spouse



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Has anyone every felt like they were working on themselves and improved themselves to the point of our growing their spouse? Or maybe their spouse never grew up and you felt like you outgrew them.


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## Aadrika (Apr 6, 2020)

I am new to this forum.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

You mean I have to stop wearing diapers? Lol sorry just needed a laugh this early.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

sounds a bit self righteous. I am aware that some successful men think that they deserve a "trophy" wife. 
I have heard the complaints of many who think that their spouse will never mature.
I have also heard that many appreciate a spouse who can make them laugh. 
I have heard the opinion that after some arbitrary age (23 in one case) sex is too immature.
This is not my difficulty. My difficulty has to do with a spouse that has replaced me with a hobby/addiction. While I don't think I've outgrown that, I am heartily sick of it, and could do better.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> Has anyone every felt like they were working on themselves and improved themselves to the point of our growing their spouse?


Not me. It's not a bad question though I have some trouble relating as I got married sort of late in life and didn't see myself "growing" exactly. People always change, right up until they die, so marriage involves adapting but that is different.


> Or maybe their spouse never grew up and you felt like you outgrew them.


Marriage IMO is strictly for grownups, so to the person whose spouse had yet to grow up as of the wedding, I'd say there was your colossal mistake.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Girl_power said:


> Has anyone every felt like they were working on themselves and improved themselves to the point of our growing their spouse? Or maybe their spouse never grew up and you felt like you outgrew them.


I did, and it's part of the reason we divorced. I grew and changed a lot in the 10 years we were together, but he stayed in one place. Maybe even regressed. 

Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

If your marriage makes you unhappy then divorce.

if you want someone more motivated to grow then start dating AFTER your divorce is final.

When anyone gets to the point in any marriage where they don’t respect their spouse anymore and says unappealing things about them - it’s already on the road to being finished.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

One of the more adult opinions is to recognize each partner will grow at a different rate.

If both aren't already secure independent individuals when two meet and get M, the different rate of growth in different areas will, expectedly, vary.

Yes, if the "rubber band" between the two gets stretched too far as the pair move ahead on the road to adultship if you will, the delta can be a problem.

But if each are in tune and committed the safety rope between the two help the pair ascend.

Always another but; if the distance between the two gets too far, yes, there are difficult choices ahead.

All this said, it is expected there will be a delta between every pair on some topics.

If the core values mature near the same all is good, the differences are fine. And normal, one will always be more mature than the other in certain ways.

But again, if the core values grow together, all is good and quite normal.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

An example I can think of is a baseline lazy couple who is overweight and enjoys tv and that’s it. No hobbies, doesn’t care about their eating habits or exercise etc. then one spouse gets into their health, loses weight and feels great and changes to a different lifestyle. I can imagine it would be difficult for this “new and improved” spouse to be with their old spouse.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Growth is a part of life - but it's not always in ways that you think is positive.
You can choose to grow together or you can choose to grow apart.

This didn't happen in a marriage for me, but it did happen with my best and oldest friend in the world. We grew up together until we hit 19 or 20... and then he just stopped.

When I was 30 or so, he moved in with me for about a month as a favour. He never helped with any bills, he ate all my food, never cooked anything, drank all my beer. I'd walk into my townhouse and my stereo would be going full blast, the TV would be going full blast, and he'd be talking on the phone at the same time. I would literally have to go into my bedroom, close the door, and use my cell phone to make a call. My computer was instantly used just for porn.

My girlfriend (future wife) started refusing to come over. Talking to him did nothing, he'd make a joke about it because we had history.

The thing that pushed everything over the edge was when my girlfriend threw me a big (and I mean big) 30th birthday party at a local club. Everyone was there - my friends, her friends, even my family. A great and swanky time, and she was paying for it all.

He asks me if he can bring his girlfriend. I say fine, but since when did you get a girlfriend? The weekend before, he tells me. She's 19, and a stripper. I say "dude, you're not bringing a stripper to my party." He's all like "man, she's not going to strip, she's my girlfriend." I say "no way man" and he flips out and bounces off to my spare room.

That night she dumps him and he's all depressed - because she dumped him because 'he's too immature for her!' A 19 year old stripper is too mature for a 30 year old man. Wow.

I told him that night it wasn't working out and he needed to leave. I gave him a month to wrap things up, and then I moved in with my GF.

We've rarely spoken ever since. He's still essentially a 19 year old that is late 40s.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

I outgrew my first husband, and so did his next three wives.


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