# Sex with reforming sex addict



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Hey guys, as some of you know, my wife was a very manipulative/demanding nympho when we were living together. We're seperated and in a slow process of fixing our marital dynamics and reconciling. Since she made her own decision to do counselling as she realised how serious our situation is, I went on a drought over a month after seperation, but as we realised how well we were doing when NOT living together, things well... fell in place naturally, and we broke the drought.

However, sex with my wife now is very different. She no longer initiates, and is much harder to get in the mood nowadays. I enjoy it however, and it has allowed me some room to flirt, tease, and romance her. She's coming to appreciate the non-sexual love as well, something she always downtrodden in favor of routine sex, still her esteem is in a very vulnerable state. She told me that I can't help her with her addiction except to take charge, and to be honest and affirm her.

What else can I do in your opinion?


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

It sounds like things are going well. This really is something she needs to work on, there's not much you can do but be supportive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

It does sound like you're on the right track. Just keep in mind that sex "addiction" isn't quite like an actual substance addiction. If she were an alcoholic, she could give up on alcohol, and you could do so as well (at least in her presence) to help lessen her temptations. Sex being an important part of a marriage, though, she can't give up sex completely. Likewise, it's not the act that is problematic, but rather the "rush" she experiences from certain sexual/attention-providing stimuli. So, on that front, just be aware of her personal triggers...behavior that starts to stoke the fires of the "addiction." Without going into TMI-land, after my wife started getting a handle on her own sex/love addiction, there was a day we decided to just go wild in the sack, and the combination of elements we utilized began to trigger her...it felt more to her like she was starting to feed the addiction again, rather than enjoying fun matrimonial sex.

Communication's the key.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Not sure you need to be doing anything more right now. Just keep it up. You are rebuilding the relationship from the ground up. And it sounds like you are doing well. :smthumbup:


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Hey guys, as some of you know, my wife was a very manipulative/demanding nympho when we were living together. We're seperated and in a slow process of fixing our marital dynamics and reconciling. Since she made her own decision to do counselling as she realised how serious our situation is, I went on a drought over a month after seperation, but as we realised how well we were doing when NOT living together, things well... fell in place naturally, and we broke the drought.
> 
> However, sex with my wife now is very different. She no longer initiates, and is much harder to get in the mood nowadays. I enjoy it however, and it has allowed me some room to flirt, tease, and romance her. She's coming to appreciate the non-sexual love as well, something she always downtrodden in favor of routine sex, still her esteem is in a very vulnerable state. She told me that I can't help her with her addiction except to take charge, and to be honest and affirm her.
> 
> What else can I do in your opinion?




Not that it is any of my business, but what did she do to be a manipulative woman and how bad was her nymphomania?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks guys, I'm worried really though to be honest, it's like we're in a "metamorphosis" at the moment, I just hope we get through this but if I was to lose her I just hope I have done enough to help her see love outside of just sex.

@Grayson
Yes you are right - for that reason I'm very careful with the sex, my approach nowadays is more intimate, trying to show her the value of intimacy rather than demanded routine duty sex, and I guess it's just not the time to go wild yet while she's still very vulnerable.

@CuddleBug

Playing politics, using religion, demands, fights, silent treatments, refusing intimacy unless she gets sex, the lot.
Her nymphomania was severe; 3x a day. When she was on heat she becomes extremely selfish at times like starting sh-t simply because I have to get to work on time forcing me to give her an orgasm or she would make me even more late for work by jumping on me, getting in my way, taking my keys. But that's just the worst of it.

During her times of the month her demands are backed with b-fits. She has tried to make things better after countless fights, and I've tried to appreciate it (considering that many men who have not lived it would want a nympho :scratchhead as she does maintain herself. After four years however of failed attempts at fixing this issue, everything blew up in our face and I had enough of being treated like a c-ck and she had enough of being rejected and have her esteem trampled due to it.

So now we're at the crossroads, and seeing how things turn out.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Not to come off sounding the wrong way, but she sounds almost like a man with a very HD.

I hope everything works out for you both.

See, I would love to have a nympho for a wife but one that is kind and a good woman. Those don't go together?


Here's an idea. What if you had sex with her whenever she wanted sex, but, you very slowly decrease the sex frequency so it isn't really noticeable to her and over time, she has a normal sex drive?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not to mention that I'm a man who likes the tease/game/romance/foreplay/intimacy while she's the queen of raw humping, ironic really. The thing is though - she never used to be like this before marriage. Guess it was "bait and switch", common I guess. She reckons I pulled the "bait and switch" on her however because she thought I could handle it... so did I once upon a time until I realised I've become her sexual doormat. I failed to establish boundaries early in our marriage. This "bait and switch" helped her justify everything else from her ruthless demands to manipulative politics. She's over it now though, we both are.

And there was no way around decreasing the frequency that easily, she wanted it in the morning before I head out the day, after/during my lunch break, and either after dinner or before dinner or both. There was no way around it either than just telling her to leave me alone which she takes to heart and goes off at - hence our fights. She does try to make it good for me as well though (which only just adds to her anger when I reject her - "We only just had sex a few fking hours ago!")

All that, thankfully, is our past. We've reflected on this, talked about it, laughed about it even, discussed it, discussed the good and the bad of our dynamics, discussed each other's flaws, both of us owned up and were almost completely transparent, we studied together on co-dependency and realised we need how tangled up we were, made gradual changes and after xmas things were starting to look up like a flicker of hope. She finally "gets" it.

Well, either than a few things that went wrong and made me facepalm sure but it's nothing to jeopardise a marriage for lol (She lost me a few K due to a blonde moment... GRRR)

After a while she became less of a boogeywoman and now I just see her as someone who does need help (so do I - I'm a nutjob) which she's getting now. I still love and care for her deeply despite her demons, I denied it for a while when we seperated as my emotions were in a lockdown. Anyways past is past, our future... I don't know, but I guess we're on the right track. Since seperation things are better and we're both in counselling... We had to seperate with the threat of divorce over both our heads, it was a long time coming.

I just hope I am doing the right thing, thanks guys for the encouragement. I needed it.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It's easy to be on your best behavior when you don't live with someone.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

That is true, hence why I'm worried about her moving back so soon despite the fact that my daughter is getting increasingly annoyed with our co-parenting arrangements which we have discussed but can't find a solution thus far in that regard.

We need to stay long enough to guarantee this issue is dealt with, yet not too long enough to test my family's patience any further. My wife is no longer seeing this as a joke however which is good. She's not that bad, just a nutcase.


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm more concerned about you. I'd like you to stay away long enough until you're strong enough to tell her 'no' to the three times a day sex.

It's easier for you to do not living with her too. Once she comes back, the anxiety resurfaces, she starts melting down and crying wanting sex to comfort her will you be strong enough to stand your ground?


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yes I'm confident in that, especially now when I have very good grounds to say no with as she has owned up to it.

Also why I'm hoping she will come to understand and maybe even appreciate non-sexual love, otherwise all this will just end in failure and there's no fixing it at that point.


----------

