# Husband is suggesting counseling



## 2hurt

My husband has been having some issues with wanting to mess around. He knows we are one our last leg and suggested counceling with his preacher. I agreed to go but I am worried that everything he has done ( that he doesnt feel bad for) will come out and then when we leave it will just be a big fight.....


HELP


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## Conrad&Janie

Your concern is that your marital concerns will be communicated?

I can guarantee ignoring them won't make them go away. 

My husband and I attended many 'failed' counseling attempts, leading to many nasty arguments. Our truth - as yours may be - was ugly. Our options were to bury the toxic dump with delusion (we tried, but were unsuccessful), clear the swamp with truth and communication, or leave and don't fix it at all (likely dooming us both to repeat the same mistakes).

The only way to save your marriage, or hope to have a good one, is through forgiveness and communication. Both are extremely difficult when resentment has built for so long. It will take real commitment from both of you and strong guidance from your counselor (make sure he is helpful or find someone else).

Although communication is a 2-way street, one person can have tremendous impact on its success or failure. 
Calm & curious - center your communication there. 
Avoid judgment - strive for understanding. 
And remember the person you are dealing with is the man you love. Try - every day, at all times - to SHOW _him_ you love him, to SHOW _yourself_ you love him. When we love someone, it should show. You are much more likely to become defensive or aggressive with an adversary than with the man you love. Decide which he is and act accordingly. 

An aggressive and/or defensive spouse is often disarmed when faced with their open/loving/understanding/calm spouse. You have some power in this.

It is a good sign your husband wants counseling - that shows commitment to the marriage. Of more concern is your reluctance....

... janie ...


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## 2hurt

I am all for going for help. the thing i am worried about it it just turning into a messy fight. 

***Update**** 
he told me he was setting up the counseling and well ...... didnt. He said "well we arent fighting anymore" I told him that the things he says and the things he has done are not just going to disappear. The emotional wounds he has caused me are so deep I just dont know what to do. I told he we need the counseling and we need help and he just gave me a look. At that point I just gave up on the convo for that moment.


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## viggling

good job! 

unless you get help and talk about your problems then there is going to be no resolution and your marrage will end .. but by going to MC there is still no way that for sure your marrage will be saved .. all you can do is try


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## Corpuswife

I would still encourage the counseling...even if he is letting "sleeping dogs lie." 

The problems in marriages will and do exsist.


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