# Recovery from being Emotionally Unavailable



## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

HI;

I'm wondering if there are any women here who went through a period where they were emotionally unavailable to their partner for an extended period of time, then healed and recovered the relationship. 

(in our case we think the emotional unavailability started early in our relationship when we were dating and I was briefly involved with another woman)

If so; what things did you do, or did your partner do that helped you heal?


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

jdd said:


> HI;
> 
> I'm wondering if there are any women here who went through a period where they were emotionally unavailable to their partner for an extended period of time, then healed and recovered the relationship.
> 
> ...


Interesting thread. I think my H and I were both unavailable to each other after my miscarriage a couple of years ago. He blamed me and Shut me out right away. I turned to family to heal and eventually shut him out. 

He had an affair and wanted to divorce me before I made any changes. I had to let go of allot of built up resentments and learn a better way to communicate that wasn't so offensive. 

He had to stop being so defensive and start sharing his concerns. 

Listening is also an area we both needed to work on. Often we only heard the blame in what each of us were saying. I had to learn to empathize with my H and understand why he is feeling such a way. I had to acknowledge his feelings and then I could respond.


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

tracyishere said:


> I had to let go of allot of built up *resentments* and learn a better way to communicate that wasn't so offensive.


Thank You for sharing. After searching and reading many threads, I'm finding that there is a very common theme of resentment in the situations where someone is emotionally unavailable.

I asked my partner last night and she said that she does feel a few past events / fights caused her to feel resentment that is part of what is keeping her emotionally unavailable. 

Thank You again for sharing.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

My husband didn't do anything to help me heal after an affair and nasty things that were said. That's part of our problem now and I am still feeling rather distant from him because of it. He's got this idea just because he is here it should be enough for me to feel loved and wanted but its not. I need reassurance he won't do it again, no more secrets and he cares about me. He was just here when he cheated.


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

Thebes said:


> My husband didn't do anything to help me heal after an affair and nasty things that were said. That's part of our problem now and I am still feeling rather distant from him because of it. He's got this idea just because he is here it should be enough for me to feel loved and wanted but its not. I need reassurance he won't do it again, no more secrets and he cares about me. He was just here when he cheated.


Do you feel like you would reconnect with him if he reassured you, proved that he wasn't keeping secrets and showed you that he cared about you?

Would that be enough or would it still take more for you to forgive him and bring the connection back?


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