# i messed up big time via sexting weve been together 2yrs



## chrispix (Oct 30, 2016)

**TL;DR; : thankis **.Hello, I basically have screwed up massively i dont know why i was doing it or anything but am now speaking to counsellors taking anti depressants and attending sexaholics.

So basically what happened was i was sexting people online (sending and recieving nudes) aswell as planning fake meetups but i would never attend why i think i did it was it was my version of porn its sick i know.


my partner found out, weve been together for 2yrs and lived together for 2yrs now am obviously kicked out but we havent officially broken up yet she keeps saying she is unsure yet but there is a big chance that we will be breaking up etc she keeps saying a few weeks etc.


Were meeting up this weekend first time seeing each other after 2 weeks. I asked what is this labelled as like a date or a catch up or? and she said to treat it as a date but aswell with a date dont be expecting anything, i asked like what type of date can i make it romantic she said not too romantic so my post is a two part question.

1. how can i fix this please

2. what should i do for our date/not date

ps: pls dont be telling how much of a crappy person i am i already know how wrong i was and that im lucky to be given this chance

thanks for your time


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Be open be honest be transparent.

That is all you can do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Chris,

What steps have you taken to address why you craved this type of attention? She will want to know why you did it and what you are doing so it doesn't happen in the future? Good luck


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

accept that the decision to work it out is entirely for your partner, her timeline, her conditions.

And accept that no matter what you do, even if you do everything that is asked, it still might not work out.

If you can truly accept that, then you might be able to convince your partner that you are capable of change and will do the hard work to see it come to fruition.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

chrispix said:


> ...i was sexting people online (sending and recieving nudes) aswell as planning fake meetups but i would never attend...


Suuuure.



chrispix said:


> ...pls dont be telling how much of a crappy person i am...


LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Learning2Fly (Oct 11, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Suuuure.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Maybe he is being sincere. If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all Gus


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Learning2Fly said:


> Maybe he is being sincere.


Eh... maybe.

I was, though.



Learning2Fly said:


> If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all Gus


Awww...

Now I feel bad.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Maybe you're not relationship material.

Don't be in a relationship and then you can sext and exchange naked pics all you want.

Man up and admit it if that's where you are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

You cant fix yourself while you are with her. Let her go and run your brain through a washing machine.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

To be honest, if she was my friend or daughter I would tell her to please not get back together with you. This is why people date. To find out things like this beforehand. Before marriage and kids.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Truthfully told, I imagine she is going to treat the night as a date. But this date will be very different then any other date you are going to have. She is going to go on this date to see how painful it is to be with you, to decide if this an issue she can get past, to see what your actions are. What have you compiled to show her this won't happen again? What are your new boundaries? How are you going to stop and not do this again? 

She is going to want to see how remorseful you are, but that isn't showing yet as you say you feel crappy enough. Have you thought about her emotions? How she feels? How betrayed she is? Have you thought what if she did this to you? This very well could be a date to find if she can find it within herself to be attracted to you after your betrayal. To determine if there is any spark for you at all other then pain. My questions to you are my advice, show her a plan with actions following that up. Get rid of everything that is associated to you sexting, porn, alleged fake meetings. Just so you are aware, she is probably thinking the same as I, in a short time, after the high of arranging a meeting isn't high enough, you will take the next step and meet them. That's human nature, not just a fault you own outright, most humans are this way. As that high of arranging a meeting and not going fades, that high will need to be replaced, and then you will go. Now you may sit back at a distance, but soon that high will fade too. Then you'll talk, but leave before anything happens. Soon that high will fade, and it will go to even more. 

This is basically the slippery slope you fell down, and it takes time, it doesn't happen so fast that you didn't know. And that is what she will be thinking of, how are you going to put safeguards in place that this doesn't happen again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Herschel said:


> You cant fix yourself while you are with her. Let her go and run your brain through a washing machine.


I will not tell you to let her go. She will decide for you. If you show remorse and get into counseling you might turn this "unforgivable" into a "one time, next chance".

Washing your brain? Yes, but choose the detergent carefully.

These are the leading brands and their effect on any good or bad outcome. No guarantees, here. That is "fer sure".

1) *Tide*, yes you need to turn the pounding tide whose under-tow is drowning all chance at Reconciliation, [R].

2) *All*, yes you need to give it your all, or you will be all finished and all over every gossip page.

3) _*Cascade*_, yes, you have cascaded out of control with the sexting, Mr Weiner. Failure to R will lead you to The Cascade Mountain Range, where 40 years of wandering will be your fate. Bring your fishing pole, not the six-incher....that one will get you ID'd and arrested.

4) _*Wisk*_, yes wisk yourself into a healing frenzy. Wisk the broken eggs and a veggies into a "new-you" omelet. 

5) *Seventh Generation*, yes, the putrid dishes you served up to your significant other, [SO] need multiple "I am so sorry" knee scrubbing deliveries.

6) *Oxiclean*, yes, oxygenate and clean out the foul gasses that your decadent habits have first generated in your brain and then, via the nasal passages, entered your mouth's cavity.

7) *Cheer*, yes, "Cheer Thee", I do. Provided you make all amends, and after any success, "Amens" to your wronged and beloved lady.

8)* Kirkland,* yes, visit Kirkland in Cumbria, UK. Holding your Holy Book, with a curly lock against thy cheek, bang your head against the western remnants of Hadrian's Wall, and wail to the 
ancient souls who still haunt this area.

9) *Finish*, yes, finish the job that you promise, yet, to "us". We are the Hosting Ghostly pixely Judges. Our power is ephemeral, affecting, at best, only the readers resolve, reason and emotional state. 
The real " OE Juge" be the betrayed Lady.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

^^^^ I want some of what he's smoking.

Are you sure she's behaved perfectly, OP? Digging up a little bit of dirt on her would be a great leveller.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

TAM2013 said:


> ^^^^ I want some of what he's smoking.
> 
> Are you sure she's behaved perfectly, OP? Digging up a little bit of dirt on her would be a great leveller.


Ha ha ha ha ha, that's awesome! Dig up dirt on her so what he did doesn't look so bad!

Let's suggest that to the next cheating wife we see here. She can dig up dirt on her betrayed hb so that her screwing another guy won't look so bad and the playing field will be more level.

Geez, please share what you're smoking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

TAM2013 said:


> Are you sure she's behaved perfectly, OP? Digging up a little bit of dirt on her would be a great leveller.


Please share why you think this would be a good path... I am honestly curious.


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

This is not gender specific, lifeistooshort. Why do you always make it so?

If the OP is being honest and he's not gone physical, are his actions really that much worse than her continuing contact with an ex or having a handful of 'friendly' orbiters since they met? If the OP can prove that, his missus is a hypocrite. Just saying.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Emerging Buddhist said:


> Please share why you think this would be a good path... I am honestly curious.


He's a one note. Women are evil.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

TAM2013 said:


> This is not gender specific, lifeistooshort. Why do you always make it so?
> 
> If the OP is being honest and he's not gone physical, are his actions really that much worse than her continuing contact with an ex or having a handful of 'friendly' orbiters since they met? If the OP can prove that, his missus is a hypocrite. Just saying.


Nope, just chose the gender but it could easily be applied to a cheating hb.

Looking for dirt on your partner to make your own sh!tty behavior look less bad shows poor character.

If he happens to find out she's been up to no good that's a separate issue.....it has nothing to do with him owning his own sh!tty behavior.

If this tactic was valid every cheater out there could find ways in which their partner was a jerk, thus negating how bad their cheating was. I was under the impression that there was no tolerance for cheating around here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAM2013 (Jul 15, 2013)

Beating yourself up over your own sh!t is one thing. Getting beat up by someone else who doesn't own their sh!t is another. Goes for platonic interactions also.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

He is beating himself over his own sh!t. His behavior has nothing to do with her.

But we should see if OP bothers coming back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

How long was this behavior going on? The entire two years? Before you got together?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How funny would it be if she showed up to their "not a date" WITH a date?

:lol: :rofl:


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

TAM2013 said:


> This is not gender specific, lifeistooshort. Why do you always make it so?
> 
> If the OP is being honest and he's not gone physical, are his actions really that much worse than her continuing contact with an ex or having a handful of 'friendly' orbiters since they met? If the OP can prove that, his missus is a hypocrite. Just saying.


 Trying to make him into a victim aint going to work, trying to demonise her is not going to work. 

The OP is hurting, his GF is hurting and the advice to dig up dirt on her stinks!

Stick to the issue at hand!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

chrispix said:


> **TL;DR; : thankis **.Hello, I basically have screwed up massively i dont know why i was doing it or anything but am now speaking to counsellors taking anti depressants and attending sexaholics.


Oh for God's sakes. Every time a cheater is caught with their pants down now, the first inclination is to slap the 'addiction' label on them. How about instead, you just *OWN YOUR SH*T?*



> So basically what happened was i was sexting people online (sending and recieving nudes) aswell as planning fake meetups but i would never attend why i think i did it was it was my version of porn its sick i know.


You and a whole lot of other guys on the planet. Guys like you are a DIME a dozen. I guess you're all 'addicted' and need help. :awink: Jeez, talk about a 'get out of jail free card' for male cheaters. Has anyone ever noticed that WOMEN are never slapped with the 'addiction' label when *they're* caught cheating? Funny how that works.



> 1. how can i fix this please


How about you *own your sh*t*?


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## Alli3fire (Oct 23, 2016)

Why did you do it?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Look until you can stop doing what you are doing permanently then get out of the relationship. Seriously you are talking with people long enough to get them interested enough to get a nude. Then you just don't show up. Either your playing with fire because it is exciting or you are fully cooked and are trying to downplay your activities. Either way you don't need to be in a real relationship cause you have some serious baggage to dump.


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