# Any women left, but changed their minds?



## rickster

Basically, my wifes left for the 2nd time in our 3 year marriage, saying she doesnt want to be with me anymore.

She said she doesnt want to try counselling, or wait a while to decide. But she said she still loves me, and up to now, we had what i thought was the perfect relationship.

I know i should move on, and try to forget about her. Im not going to beg her or hassle her anymore, but if there is a slight chance, id like to try in the future.

It does seem final, and genuine. But id like to know if any women on here have done the same, but changed their minds.


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## The Cro-Magnon

rickster said:


> Basically, my wifes left for the 2nd time in our 3 year marriage, saying she doesnt want to be with me anymore.
> 
> She said she doesnt want to try counselling, or wait a while to decide. But she said she still loves me, and up to now, we had what i thought was the perfect relationship.
> 
> I know i should move on, and try to forget about her. Im not going to beg her or hassle her anymore, but if there is a slight chance, id like to try in the future.
> 
> It does seem final, and genuine. But id like to know if any women on here have done the same, but changed their minds.


"I love you, but I'm not in love with you"

She has another man.

Sorry bud.


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## rickster

If i thought that i think id be able to move on. She swears blind theres nobody else involved. 

I found her phone bills and cant see any texts to the one number. Just mainly her family and 2 friends. I asked her straight, and she looked me in the eye and said "theres no'one else involved, i just dont think i love you anymore". 

How can someone just destroy 7 good years for what they THINK they feel. She does have history of this, 6 months after the wedding she left saying the same thing. But came crawling back a few months later. She was acting selfish, couldnt look me in the eye that time. This time its different,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

Nope, sorry! I left and have NEVER looked back.

I must say, she is treating you like her Plan B...her Backup Plan. She doesn't want to be with you UNLESS things don't work out in the big, wide, cruel world. Maybe she gets sick of paying the bills, maybe dating isn't as easy as she remembered, maybe she gets tired of being alone. I don't know...but I *DO* know that she is treating you like you're better than nothing. Not MUCH better, but better than nothing. If it's YOU vs. NOTHING, then YOU win. If it's you vs. anything else, then it's anything else.

Take her at her word, she DOESN'T love you...not like a wife SHOULD love her husband. March away from this woman with your dignity intact.


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## animal 2011

Yes, I did this over and over again. The grass is not greener being single.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rickster

animal 2011 said:


> Yes, I did this over and over again. The grass is not greener being single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She done it before. This time she seems serious and shes fine with me going for a divorce. I know she'll regret it, but shes so stubborn she wont back down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

rickster said:


> If i thought that i think id be able to move on. She swears blind theres nobody else involved.
> 
> I found her phone bills and cant see any texts to the one number. Just mainly her family and 2 friends. I asked her straight, and she looked me in the eye and said "theres no'one else involved, i just dont think i love you anymore".
> 
> How can someone just destroy 7 good years for what they THINK they feel. She does have history of this, 6 months after the wedding she left saying the same thing. But came crawling back a few months later. She was acting selfish, couldnt look me in the eye that time. This time its different,
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even if they look you straight in the eye, there is no truth in cheaters. Cheaters lie and liars cheat. Take that with a grain of salt. Sounds like her first time she cheated. 

180 and prepare for a new life, if she comes crawling set bounderies and demand MC to address the two times she did this.


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## Chuck71

Slowly GW sums it up perfectly. Wish her well, let her go. As she's gathering her things, ask her to sign these papers for a D. Do not wait around for months hoping she will come back. This will force her to make a choice. If you remain, she doesn't have to make one.


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## hope4family

Unless its harder in your state to remarry. Divorce. People (your wife) who are like this shouldn't be married. Wish them well, be their biggest fan and support their decision. Even if you disagree. You don't have to help her. 

But you can verbally wish her well and good luck.


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## rickster

The thing is, im hurting so much over this, even though im putting a brave face on. It would give me some comfort knowing she's hurting aswell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Rick-I will not be the only one telling you this. To he!! with her and how she feels, that is of NO concern to you. You take care of you. 180, NC and LET HER GO. Recapture those old hobbies you used to like but she didn't like for you to do them. Go out with the guys. Chop wood.....put a picture of her on a tree and target practice. Occupy your time and get her off your mind. Why even care how she feels, what would be in that for you?????


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## rickster

I am getting over her, i dont think i'll ever get over what happened in my marriage. If she was such an evil *****, why did i fall in love with her? 

Im a nice guy, im smart, im not bad looking, i work out, have a good job. Why was i so stupid not to see the warning signs.

The main thing im upset about is how this will affect future relationships. I always seen myself as a family man, a one woman man. This has turned all of that on its head. 

Thats why im bothered!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

rickster, don't beat yourself up, man!

You ARE a one-woman man...when you find the RIGHT WOMAN. Yes, you thought this one was "it", but she wasn't! THAT should concern you more than anything else. 

Leave this woman behind. Get yourself a few sessions of IC (not a lifetime, but a few sessions) to figure out WHY/HOW this relationship was WRONG FOR YOU, then apply your new-found knowledge to get into the RIGHT relationship for you!

Quit defining yourself in your own head as a man who'll be on Wife #2. If your first wife died in a car wreck, you'd be going on Wife #2, but I bet you wouldn't be 'beating yourself up', would you? So, think of Wife #1 as having gone through a "life wreck"; nothing you could have done about that, either; just like a car wreck.


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## Chuck71

Rick-I asked myself the same questions. I had just turned 26 when my 1st W and I met. Next week it will end. I am 41 now. Yes both parties have a part in the demise of the M. I knew I had a couple and of course she magnified them. It took me stepping away from the light (leaving the house) to realize....she has at the least six serious issues which crumbled our M. Each issue is in need of serious help. But she thinks she is above MC/IC......truth is she doesn't want to hear the truth.

I dread hitting the dating world again. I have done better than I had thought. My worst fear was my partially thinning hair. But as a female friend told me, if a woman is turned off just because of that.........you sure would not wish to have anything to do with her. Wade into the dating pool, same as you would when the lake water is freezing....step by step.

The person you fall in love with will change as time passes. When I met mine in '97, I still loved drag racing, closing down bars at 3AM. Now I am an author and working on my doctorate. People change...human nature.

I felt like a failure when I realized the M was over. My parents were M until his death. I expected to marry one time, that's it. If it's rough....fight through it. All M have good and bad times. Dude you n me just married a couple females who couldn't take the heat of digging in and working through things. So truth be told, Rick your wife and mine......failed us.


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## rickster

Chuck71 said:


> Rick-I asked myself the same questions. I had just turned 26 when my 1st W and I met. Next week it will end. I am 41 now. Yes both parties have a part in the demise of the M. I knew I had a couple and of course she magnified them. It took me stepping away from the light (leaving the house) to realize....she has at the least six serious issues which crumbled our M. Each issue is in need of serious help. But she thinks she is above MC/IC......truth is she doesn't want to hear the truth.
> 
> I dread hitting the dating world again. I have done better than I had thought. My worst fear was my partially thinning hair. But as a female friend told me, if a woman is turned off just because of that.........you sure would not wish to have anything to do with her. Wade into the dating pool, same as you would when the lake water is freezing....step by step.
> 
> The person you fall in love with will change as time passes. When I met mine in '97, I still loved drag racing, closing down bars at 3AM. Now I am an author and working on my doctorate. People change...human nature.
> 
> I felt like a failure when I realized the M was over. My parents were M until his death. I expected to marry one time, that's it. If it's rough....fight through it. All M have good and bad times. Dude you n me just married a couple females who couldn't take the heat of digging in and working through things. So truth be told, Rick your wife and mine......failed us.


Very kind and true words my friend. 

She also has about 5 major issues with her life that she doesnt like facing up to. Some of my smaller issues, she tried to magnify, to make her feel better about leaving. 

I know im a good guy, ok i have my faults, who doesnt? But i know, on whole im a decent fella.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

There will be a day, down the road, when all your questions will be answered. But between that time and now, you should work on yourself. Hit the pain as a RB hits the hole between the center and guard. I promise you will be in a much better frame of mind before February is complete. 

Mine is reaching but was not saying what I was wanting to hear. I placed her in a situation where, I did not hear what I wanted to but what I needed to. That helped me pull my one non-negotiable off the table. Games over. Well until she wakes up to what has happened......when the real truth befalls someone, it's not a pretty sight.


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## This is me

Hang in there. Better days ahead. I can tell you the 180 works wonders. Read and reread and see how you are doing with it and strive to better yourself by it. It's for you, to help you down the healthy path.


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## Garry2012

Remember that what you STBXW saw in you when you met, is what your next will see in you. Bring your best to the table, work on your flaws and keep the communication channels open. When my STBXW met me, she asked "why did you last GF break up with you?" i said "she wanted to be single", STBXW "well she is a da$m fool to let you go". Now STBXW wants to let me go to be single....and my hope is the next woman thinks she was a fool too.


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## rickster

Why commit to someone for life, then throw it all away to be single? When you didnt enjoy being single in the 1st place .... 

I'll never understand why this happened, because she was completely in love with me. All her friends and family are shocked aswell. The ones ive spoken to cant understand it, as she'd tell them how much she loved me when she was alone with them.

I am moving on. I will find another partner who'll appreciate me. But i know i'll never understand why she done this. Its something i'll just have to live with.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Rick-She did this before. Some people just can not stay in a long term relationship. You deserve better than that. If she came back this weekend and you took her back, bet the farm she will do it again and again. Tell her to GTFO of your life. Cut her off.......then and only then, will she see what she has lost. If she knows she can waltz back in anytime she wants, believe me she will take full advantage of it. And just think, how would she feel if you did this to her. Oh my goodness, she would be at the courthouse steps at 6AM telling the whole town how you mistreated her.


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## rickster

I hear ya, i really do!

Im over her, and its only been a fortnight. I wouldn't take her back now, its went too far. Ive been flirting with someone else, and the next stage will be to take her out.

But it does anger me that shes changed me, i dont think i'll ever open up to someone again.

Marriage was a massive step for me. Its not something i rushed into.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71

Do not make people in your future pay for the sins of the ones from your past. 

You will have good days and bad days. But the day will come and you will know.....you are turning the corner. You can read my two main threads and see exactly when I did. If you push the feelings away they will still be there.......it hurts......you will cry. NORMAL.......but you will pick yourself up and live to fight again. Ain't a thing wrong with being knocked down, how you pick yourself up is how you will be defined. Hang in there! We're always here for ya!!!


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## rickster

Chuck71 said:


> Do not make people in your future pay for the sins of the ones from your past.
> 
> You will have good days and bad days. But the day will come and you will know.....you are turning the corner. You can read my two main threads and see exactly when I did. If you push the feelings away they will still be there.......it hurts......you will cry. NORMAL.......but you will pick yourself up and live to fight again. Ain't a thing wrong with being knocked down, how you pick yourself up is how you will be defined. Hang in there! We're always here for ya!!!


Thankyou very much. This websites been a god send. Hearing about peoples stories, knowing other peolle got through it and made a better life. My family have been great, really supportive. My family are solid, they all have strong, long lasting relationships. But they knew deep down, she wasnt right for me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## This is me

rickster said:


> Thankyou very much. This websites been a god send. Hearing about peoples stories, knowing other peolle got through it and made a better life. My family have been great, really supportive. My family are solid, they all have strong, long lasting relationships. But they knew deep down, she wasnt right for me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My family was very supportive to me in the darkest period which was last year at this time. What a true blessing.

Also this website helped me work through the issues and get a better understanding of how to deal with it all. 

Sounds like you have good support. I am glad for you!


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## zillard

rickster said:


> Why commit to someone for life, then throw it all away to be single? When you didnt enjoy being single in the 1st place ....
> 
> I'll never understand why this happened, because she was completely in love with me. All her friends and family are shocked aswell. The ones ive spoken to cant understand it, as she'd tell them how much she loved me when she was alone with them.
> 
> I am moving on. I will find another partner who'll appreciate me. But i know i'll never understand why she done this. Its something i'll just have to live with.


Because it wasn't about you, it's about her inability to remain close to someone for the duration. She thought she loved you. You thought she did. Part of love is commitment. She lacks that part. You were in love with the expectation of what a loving wife should be but didn't see her clearly.


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## Chuck71

I see a future in MC for Z.......if not you missed your calling


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## lostwithouthim

I get annoyed with my friends and people on here who seem to want to get rid of him/her at the drop of a hat! Rickster, I feel for you. This was exactly what I was like when my husband first left me. I still want my husband back and I am still hopeful that this may happen. My situation happened like yours did when he said he didn't want to be with me anymore, without any warning!
Take one day at a time. Start changing things in your life. Change your routine. Don't be available if she calls round or phones. Go out with your friends and have fun, but don't start looking for anyone else just yet - it's too soon! You'll be on the rebound and it won't be fair on the other person. You'll be comparing her to your wife the whole time and it will drive you crazy! Flirt by all means and make your wife jealous, but nothing too serious. If I can't R, it will take me ages to get over my husband and if I stay single for the rest of my life then I don't really care at the mo.
This has been a devastating blow to me! Yes I do want him back, but I will take things slowly, see a marriage counsellor, date him again before he moves back in and take things slowly! Show her that you've moved on and you are letting her go, only then will she see what she's missed! good luck!


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## InOverMyHeart

I did. I left twice in our relationship and once in our marriage. We are working on R now. I missed him. I grew up. And I realized that I had to give up a lot of what I thought I needed. I just wanted my best friend back. R is not easy, (ya'll said it would not be), but it will be worth it. Best to you Rickster~


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## whitehawk

animal 2011 said:


> Yes, I did this over and over again. The grass is not greener being single.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah I'd like to butt in here and agree with this.
I was extremely wrestless , l needed that much space . Definitely thinking of other girls , l felt disillusioned about marriage and all the bs it involved , resentful.
Basically that led to an EA , coulda gotten much worse.
And all that led to x's final unhappiness and so I basically brought it on but she broke it off. 
But with this last 6mths since our sep , can't really say it's much greener at all.
There's been some girls that could have gone somewhere so far but l don't really feel like it .

I'd much rather the life we had than this one unfortunately and I feel as if I've got the whole marriage thing back into proportion now. 
Can only hope something good happens down the track.


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## whitehawk

BTW , my x has been seeing someone on and off and once she told me she's happy now.
But she's a totally different person. l know what she really looks like when she's happy though and l haven't seen close to that girl again .
She actually also told me herself just the other night , she has totally fkd - EVERYTHING !
Not sure exactly what everything is , didn't ask.


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## lostwithouthim

Ooo I would ask her what she means and let her talk - don't interrupt  this could be a breakthrough fingers crossed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostwithouthim

It brings me hope to hear the the grass is not always greener on the other side. Get back in touch with your ex and have a heart to heart with her. 6 months isn't long at all to give the marriage another chance. I wouldn't like to think our separation would go on for years without him having second thoughts. Good luck and keep us posted 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitehawk

lostwithouthim said:


> Ooo I would ask her what she means and let her talk - don't interrupt  this could be a breakthrough fingers crossed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah you think . Already been regretting not asking her let me tell you.
You know what the main reason was though , l didn't want to embarrass her.

Whatever she's doing now , l know how hard it's all been . l know to there's a lot of pride involved for her , it would have killed her to admit that.
Stupid me hey .


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## whitehawk

lostwithouthim said:


> It brings me hope to hear the the grass is not always greener on the other side. Get back in touch with your ex and have a heart to heart with her. 6 months isn't long at all to give the marriage another chance. I wouldn't like to think our separation would go on for years without him having second thoughts. Good luck and keep us posted
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I would do that Lost , but 1 , now it's my pride . While she's seeing someone else , no way .
l think it's too soon for her anyway.

But you know what else , she was my wife. But now she's been with someone else . l don't think l could live with that.


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