# Just realized she hasn't been a good mother



## cisco7931 (May 2, 2011)

Just a background: We're both 27 years old, have a 5 year-old daughter and have been married for 6 years. We're now 57 days separated. 

We are both working regular jobs, but when we were still together, she doesn't bother helping our daughter with her schoolwork. Our house maid/in-laws does all the schoolwork for her. Probably out of her 10 homeworks, she helps out with 4... She tutors during exams though... 

Now that were separated, I have been hearing from her parents that she still goes home late, more than before. And goes to eat and straight to sleep afterwards. 

All my other mother-friends, regardless of how busier their day is, makes sure to help out with tutoring on a daily basis....

What can I do? I am feeling she is totally forgetting to become a mom after we separated... Now that we are separated, are the only people who can help my in-laws? Need some advise here... I don't want her to be missing out on the precious young years of our daughter. 

If she only allows me to go home, I will definitely do everything I can to help and be a dad to our daughter, but she doesnt want me there... 

Why do mom's realize that they aren't ready way too late, and don't do anything about it other than being "single" again...?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

My child who is of home work age does his own home work. Maybe your child does not need help with home work. In any event, you cannot do anything to change your STBX mothering skill. Worry about you instead.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You have every right to file for custody. Be thankful your in-laws are there helping.


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## lyngreen504 (Jun 7, 2011)

moms don't really have a choice to realize that they are in a lot of responsiblity, "too late". it's not just women, and it happens more often to men. men, during pregnancies have realized that they arent ready. Men after the birth have disappeared. For your daughter, yes, the both of you should be on the same page (you can still go to some type of family therapist to help you get through this separation whichever way is best for you three) 

Talk to her parents and ask for their imput and advise. If they see something alarming going on I'm sure that they would tell you. 

I understand that its frustrating, but women have the same feelings that some men have so don't just think that because we're women we're ready to give everything up and be happy about it. She could be depressed in a way. She's not a horrible mother is she? if I were you, I would try the family counseling first. I really do hope that everything works out for the best for all of you, especially your little girl. best of luck!


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