# Is agreeing online on a messenger considered official?



## rx7marsh (Jan 7, 2009)

Would agreeing to divorce like saying on an instant messenger that "i agree to joint custody" Considered a legal document? My wife is telling me that she can use that as me agreeing.

Just curious. We live in TN, and shes overseas.

EXAMPLE 

RX7Marsh (10:26:03 PM): I agree to joint custody.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I am not an attorney, but I believe the only agreement that is official is the signed divorce agreement...up until that point, I believe everything talked about is still up for negotiation.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

swedish said:


> I am not an attorney, but I believe the only agreement that is official is the signed divorce agreement...up until that point, I believe everything talked about is still up for negotiation.


im in agreeance with this. but having been though a divorce myself, everything that was said before negotiation is nul and void. but this was my case.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I think we are in agreement...I believe everything said prior to the written document does not have any legal bearing...only the final signed divorce decree with the seal of the court is official and most are worded such that any side-bar agreements (before or after this document) are not binding.


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## jonnydee (Jan 14, 2009)

Whew! Good to know. I've written long emails responding to her I agreed that I had caused her pain, etc etc. Naturally I was in bargaining mode (plus truly sorry for things I did 24 years ago) hoping that I was placating her anger and help us find a way to mend our fences. I'm glad those mea culpas won't be able to be used against me. 

jd


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

When I spoke of legal bearing, I was referring to the details of an impending divorce (child support, visitation, custody, etc.) Those things can go back and forth but until the divorce decree is signed and sealed by the courts, it is up for discussion...nothing in stone from a legal standpoint. Again, not a lawyer, but this is how it played out in my case.

Grounds for divorce is another story, but typically irreconcilable differences is used as grounds when there is otherwise no abuse, infidelity, etc. I have no idea if or how taking blame would affect things going forward. My ex and I used a mediator so we met with her and came to an agreement so I did not experience a messy divorce where these things came up.


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## solsticebeast (Feb 17, 2009)

Actually any agreement that you two are willing to draft up, sign, and have witnesses present and also sign to verify that the agreement took place is acceptable in court. It's not just anything that's drafted through the legal process such as divorce decrees.

Courts will look more favorably on the agreement though if the witness is a notary and it has their seal on it.


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