# For you wives that want out...but can't



## lovemygirls (Feb 26, 2012)

So those with guilt that can't pull the trigger on moving forward with the divorce...

I'm not asking why, I'd like to know what could be said or asked to let you open up, so you can let it out there, and let us go.


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## yellowsubmarine (Feb 3, 2012)

I've been open about my feelings, and always thought it was what my husband deserved. When I was first told by my husband to go live with other family members, I didn't move on. I thought I had much invested in the relationship to throw the towel. But, several years later, here I am, getting a divorce. I tried my best to work things out, but it didn't work.
In order for me to open up, generally speaking, I have to feel comfortable and know that no words will be used against me later on. This was a tactic used by my husband - he would twist what I had said. At first, I tried to watch my word selection, but it got to a point where I just didn't care and told him how it was.
It depends on personality, context, and approach.


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## yellowsubmarine (Feb 3, 2012)

I'm amicable, but he just won't reply to my messages, give me his phone number, or tell me where he is.

As far as I am concerned, I'm willing to work the property issues out. But, when only one wants to talk and the other one shuts you out... communication only flows one way.

No children - luckily in my case.


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## AFriend2011 (Mar 3, 2012)

How are you coping with all this?


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## lovemygirls (Feb 26, 2012)

Well to answer my own question....

Tell them (since it's springtime) you'd be happy to move their clothes and other necessities to get through the next few months.

Holy ****... what a day... I did just that. Now she is actually hiring movers as we speak to come get her stuff (and my daughters  ) . Over 1000 miles away. I was calm, fine with everything, supportive... She yelled at me and hung up!

Now mind you, I've done the whole nice guy routine for the past 6 weeks. Second time on her leaving. She has it made here. Well not anymore. Being a softy, being a nice guy, being a doormat...don't do it...EVER. Keep/regain your dignity. WOW!


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## rviewmirror (Mar 23, 2012)

Kinda sounds familiar. You were the nice guy, tried always to make it work and the other spouse just went about their business and not reciprocating, or trying to make things work.

so how are you feeling now? It was your choice to move on?


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## lovemygirls (Feb 26, 2012)

It was her choice. I've been in a daze to be honest. Can't stop thinking about my daughter, now 16 months. 

I was the nice guy, but took the other path this weekend. Told her I'd send her some of her & my daughters personal items and clothes. She decided to do one better, she let me know she's not coming back.

So I said fine. Told her she should put together a list of what exactly she wants, to be financially smart about it, such as no need to ship both cribs...how much a 2 bedroom runs there, etc. It was difficult to do.

But you know what. I came on here hurt & confused like so many others, thinking my situation was different, I could fix this. It's not. We're all here for a reason. We all are in a haze at one time, thinking it will all work out, we can make it through.. it's us, our family! Bottom line is it take two to get it through, but only one for it to be done. 

Sorry to be a downer on this, but I'm moving forward now. This is my reality.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Tell her if she takes your daughter you are calling the cops. Get the license plates of the movers van and your wife's vehicle. You cannot stand there and let her do this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Oh. Then talk to your lawyer and see what can be done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rviewmirror (Mar 23, 2012)

I agree with bandit. She can't just take the child. You should get some legal help. You have as much right to your child as she does. 

I know when my stbxw and i started down this path, the one thing i would not budge on was doing the best for my daughter. Gave me some confidence also to do things beneficial for myself.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

Stand up for your daughter and stop being a passive. You are telling me you haven't seen your daughter in 6 weeks?

You can not let your wife take your child from you. Do you want joint custody?


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## lovemygirls (Feb 26, 2012)

Yes. 6 1/2 weeks. Yes Joint custody. 

I am being passive. I'm starting to wrap my head around ALL of this.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

lovemygirls said:


> Yes. 6 1/2 weeks. Yes Joint custody.
> 
> I am being passive. I'm starting to wrap my head around ALL of this.



Please don't take this wrong. I am but a mere jaded man right now. 

Man up. There is nothing to wrap your head around. Be a father, not a passive male that lets everything go because its to damn hard. This is your blood.

How old is your daughter?


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