# baby daddy not my husband



## cutebunny

post deleted


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## Yosemite

Sleep with one man at a time.


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## cutebunny

I can't change the past and whats done is done


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## Lostinthought61

when your husband came back, did you tell him that it was his child?


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## brooklynAnn

Tell your H the truth about the baby. I think he already knows. Then, go thru with the divorce. After divorce is finished work on yourself and grow up a bit before jumping into a new relationship. Take care of your kids they need their mother.


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## phillybeffandswiss

So, you married a navy guy who travels to much and now want to be with a navy guy who travels as well. I find Paternity fraud UTTERLY disgusting so, I will bow out.


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## manfromlamancha

Your husband is in the Navy and is away a lot - that is part of the job and you must have known this going into the marriage.

Somehow, in your mind, that makes him out to be bad ?

You, on the other hand, lie and cheat and disrespect him and go as far as to have unprotected sex with some other sailor who then disappears while you get pregnant. He then reappears when it is convenient for him (and all it takes is an apology to get back in your pants). This makes him a good man ?

I am kind of confused as to what you want here - what advice do you expect ?

Did you ever really love your husband or did he start being bad once you had let another man into your bed ?

Tell your husband the truth and let him decide what happens next. And yes, as others have said, try sleeping with one man at a time. I feel sorry for your husband and even sorrier for your poor unsuspecting children.


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## cutebunny

I am glad everybody here are non judgmental and perfect. I have made mistakes but I am only human. My husband is far from perfect and I don't know why some of you may think he is. I loved him very much but lost of trust and respect after finding out about a lot of lies. I was very disappointed on my husband and I was SEPARATED when met the other man. I am separated and looking to get a divorce ASAP. My husband knows all of that.I do have romantic feelings for the OM and think very high of him. I cannot stop thinking about him. I didn't want to scare him away when I told him about the baby, so I told him I did not wanted a romantic relationship with him even tho I do have feelings for him and he doesn't know. We go out for lunch and talk but haven't have any physical contact with him since the baby was conceived. Reality is I care for him very much and do not want to scare him away. I don't know if he has feelings for me. I don't know if he wants to be with me. He does says this things like "if I marry you" but back up when I say I am divorcing my husband, and say we should try to keep what I have, he doesn't want to be the one that destroys my family, etc.. maybe out of guilt. How to make the OM understand or think of me as a possible wife without scaring him away? I plan to tell my husband soon, I haven't seen him in 3 months. I did tell my husband I don't love him anymore and I want a divorce. I also want to have the OM on his birth certificate.


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## cutebunny

Other man LEFT the navy since finding out about his son and is opening his own business.. told me he wants to settle down and understands that's not how a family should be. My husband told me the same he was gonna move me to a place closer to him but never follow trough with what we planned. Feels like he likes to be away. I loved my husband very much but lost all my trust and respect after finding out about a lot of lies. I was very disappointed on my husband and I was SEPARATED when met the other man.


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## NoChoice

OP,
You must understand that the OM is wary. You cheated with him and you could cheat on him if conditions are ripe. He also will have to assume a step daughter at least part of the time. I believe your best course of action is to work on you at the moment. Know who you are and what you want and when you figure that out then involve another person in your life. Right now be a good mother and support for your children. Then when you feel mature enough, you can pursue romantic interests. And by way of suggestion, insist on using birth control lest you throw a third man into this mix.


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## Kivlor

cutebunny said:


> Other man LEFT the navy since finding out about his son and is opening his own business.. told me he wants to settle down and understands that's not how a family should be. My husband told me the same he was gonna move me to a place closer to him but never follow trough with what we planned. Feels like he likes to be away. I loved my husband very much but lost all my trust and respect after finding out about a lot of lies. I was very disappointed on my husband and I was SEPARATED when met the other man.


You won't find much sympathy on a Marriage website, for sleeping with other people because you're not living in the same house as your spouse. Were you divorced? Nope. So its cheating. 

Tell your H that you slept with some other man, and had that man's baby. And that said man wants you to marry him.

Own your decisions.


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## MrsAldi

I'm not judging you. 
But can you imagine the pain and hurt you are causing to your current husband right now & back then when you told him child wasn't his? 
Even though you were separated it must have been an awful betrayal and heartbreak for him. 
It's no wonder he had resentment towards the poor child, mostly because of your behaviour. 

To be honest I don't think marriage with OM will be a fix for all problems. You're kind of in a escaping fantasy that OM will be great. 
You haven't seen him in three months! 

OM is probably feeding you lines to keep you on good side. 
"He doesn't want to destroy families" 
"If I marry you" IF!!! He said IF! 
Did he say that he is in love with you? 

I don't think your current marriage can survive with all the hurt and resentment but OM is not guaranteed to be a knight. 
So think about that. 
Maybe it would be better to cut both of them loose and start a clean stale with someone who can meet your needs. 












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## COguy

Narcissist speak 101:

"I feel like he's not a good dad, even though he is very loving and attentive when around the kids. Therefore I am justified in screwing around and then lying to him."

Do yourself a favor and don't be marrying anyone. And get on birth control if you're going to be sleeping around. The world needs less people like you, not more.


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## cutebunny

MrsAldi said:


> I'm not judging you.
> But can you imagine the pain and hurt you are causing to your current husband right now & back then when you told him child wasn't his?
> Even though you were separated it must have been an awful betrayal and heartbreak for him.
> It's no wonder he had resentment towards the poor child, mostly because of your behaviour.
> 
> To be honest I don't think marriage with OM will be a fix for all problems. You're kind of in a escaping fantasy that OM will be great.
> You haven't seen him in three months!
> 
> OM is probably feeding you lines to keep you on good side.
> "He doesn't want to destroy families"
> "If I marry you" IF!!! He said IF!
> Did he say that he is in love with you?
> 
> I don't think your current marriage can survive with all the hurt and resentment but OM is not guaranteed to be a knight.
> So think about that.
> Maybe it would be better to cut both of them loose and start a clean stale with someone who can meet your needs.
> 
> 
> I understand the pain I cause and trust me I have no tears left to cry. I have been feeling extremely guilty and have cried all my tears. I know I am wrong and thats absolutely nothing I can do about or that would fix anything.
> I saw OM 2 weeks ago and he looks so happy with our son. I do think he has the best intentions. I do think the L world is too much as he just finded out.. I only told him about baby last month. Baby is almost 7 months.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## cutebunny

I understand the pain I cause and trust me I have no tears left to cry. I have been feeling extremely guilty and have cried all my tears. I know I am wrong and thats absolutely nothing I can do about or that would fix anything. 
I saw OM 2 weeks ago and he looks so happy with our son. I do think he has the best intentions. I do think the L world is too much as he just finded out.. I only told him about baby last month. Baby is almost 7 months.


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## MrsAldi

@cutebunny 
Just don't go rushing into another marriage with OM. 
How much time have you actually spent together? 
Do you even know his personality? 

Try to make amends with your soon to be ex husband as he will still be involved with your other child. 
Does your husband want a divorce also or just you? 



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## KillerClown

cutebunny said:


> I am glad everybody here are non judgmental and perfect. I have made mistakes but I am only human. I am human too. But When I said. "I do". It was a promise I made to myself, my wife and to my God. Mature adults take such promises seriously. My husband is far from perfect and I don't know why some of you may think he is. It doesn't matter if he is a serial killer. It does not excuse what you did to him. I loved him very much but lost of trust and respect after finding out about a lot of lies. I was very disappointed on my husband and I was SEPARATED when met the other man. Separated is not divorced. You are still under the marriage vow. I am separated and looking to get a divorce ASAP. My husband knows all of that.I do have romantic feelings for the OM and think very high of him. I do not think highly of a man who sleeps with a married woman. I cannot stop thinking about him. I didn't want to scare him away when I told him about the baby, so I told him I did not wanted a romantic relationship with him even tho I do have feelings for him and he doesn't know. We go out for lunch and talk but haven't have any physical contact with him since the baby was conceived. Reality is I care for him very much and do not want to scare him away. I don't know if he has feelings for me. I don't know if he wants to be with me. He does says this things like "if I marry you" but back up when I say I am divorcing my husband, and say we should try to keep what I have, he doesn't want to be the one that destroys my family, etc.. maybe out of guilt. He said IF not WHEN. He is right to feel guilty. How to make the OM understand or think of me as a possible wife without scaring him away? You are a cheating wife. Action speaks louder than words. If he is smart he would stay away from you. I plan to tell my husband soon, I haven't seen him in 3 months. I did tell my husband I don't love him anymore and I want a divorce. I also want to have the OM on his birth certificate.


You have done irreparable harm to your husband and destroyed any chance of your children having a stable home.

Make amends by staying away from the OM or dating in general. Work on being a more responsible and trustworthy adult. Get an education so that you can help your children with homework. (How are you at high school algebra?) Become the woman your children can be proud to call mom.


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## phillybeffandswiss

Sorry, I'm going to address the sarcastic response. I said nothing about the marriage, your separation or your choice to have sex during your separation. You gave no backstory so, I have no clue. What I do know is, your husband is running around unknowingly sharing his child, oops not his child, with another man. See, this isn't you just hiding the child's paternity, which is terrible, from both fathers and letting your husband raise the 3 years old. This isn't about being imperfect and there should be no judgment. You are actively letting them both participate equally with the child, let one man apparently leave his career, are talking about making a life together, while your husband continues to parent and has no idea of the truth. Perfect has nothing to do with judgment, this is a logical fallacy. You have moved from the realm of "we are all human and not perfect" into full on choices.

Here's just a few choices you had:
You could have told him when you reconciled.
You could have told him when you took the DNA test.
You could have told him when you received the results.
You could have told him when you let the other man meet his biological child.
You could have told him when you started talking about setting up a new life with the new guy.
You could have told him when you decided to create this thread.

Yes, I am judging you harshly on the choice to hide the paternity, while creating an exit plan.


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## cutebunny

@KillerClown

I have a PhD degree, I know I am a intelligent and good person, just made a horrible mistake.


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## cutebunny

@MrsAldi 

My husband is big on verbal abuse and always yell at me in front of the children. He has an explosive personality. I do not wish to live like this. 
Either way if I stay with OM or not I do not want to put my children to live with someone like him. He is no hole model.

I don't know OM super well but believe if we both take the time to know each other something good could happen.


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## KillerClown

cutebunny said:


> I have a PhD degree period. I know I am a good intelligent personperiod. I just made a horrible mistake.


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## MrsAldi

cutebunny said:


> @MrsAldi
> 
> My husband is big on verbal abuse and always yell at me in front of the children. He has an explosive personality. I do not wish to live like this.
> Either way if I stay with OM or not I do not want to put my children to live with someone like him. He is no hole model.
> 
> I don't know OM super well but believe if we both take the time to know each other something good could happen.


Your husband is badly hurting. 
Which is why he's lashing out in anger. 
Does he still want to be with you though? 
Or is he happy going ahead with a divorce? 


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## cutebunny

@MrsAldi

He is been verbally abusive for years. Nothing to do with whats happening. 
He would never divorce me if it was his option. 
He will go trough with it because I can't stay and don't want to stay married.


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## thebirdman

cutebunny said:


> @MrsAldi
> 
> 
> 
> My husband is big on verbal abuse and always yell at me in front of the children. He has an explosive personality. I do not wish to live like this.
> 
> Either way if I stay with OM or not I do not want to put my children to live with someone like him. He is no hole model.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know OM super well but believe if we both take the time to know each other something good could happen.




I've known several people who started relationships that way. A former co-worker of mine is on her 3rd (or maybe it was 4th) marriage in her late 30's because she would start an affair and then divorce her current husband to Marry the AP, every single time. 

The reason you keep receiving negative feedback is because it sounds (at least to me) like you are using your marital problems to justify your poor decisions. I don't think you necessarily mean it this way but I do hope you recognize that you are dealing with two totally separate issues. 

The important thing is not fixing past issues. They can't be fixed. I think you already know that. The important thing is doing right from here on out. You will have to deal with the consequences of your actions. 

So what is the right thing to do? 

1. Tell the truth. You haven't told your husband everything yet and the news will hurt him but he has a right to know. 

2. Go to work on yourself. Your parenting life is about to get much more complicated. Focus on your kids and getting your life where it needs to be. Going to counseling is a great idea.

3. Remember that you know nothing about OM. Also, see my first sentence. 

4. To paraphrase the words of Jesus, "Go forward and don't do bad things anymore."


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## MrsAldi

cutebunny said:


> @MrsAldi
> 
> He is been verbally abusive for years. Nothing to do with whats happening.
> He would never divorce me if it was his option.
> He will go trough with it because I can't stay and don't want to stay married.


If you want out of the marriage then file immediately. 
But be wary of OM, I believe he's telling you what you want to hear right now. Beware of his promises. 
If he's as a good guy like you say he will be there to provide for the child. 
Get counselling for yourself & concentrate on the kids. 
Don't get drawn into bitter divorce. 
Try keep things civil for the kids sake. 
They are aware of everything that goes on 
(children are aware of everything) 




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## EleGirl

cutebunny said:


> @MrsAldi
> 
> My husband is big on verbal abuse and always yell at me in front of the children. He has an explosive personality. I do not wish to live like this.
> Either way if I stay with OM or not I do not want to put my children to live with someone like him. He is no hole model.
> 
> I don't know OM super well but believe if we both take the time to know each other something good could happen.


I think that the point here is to deal with the reality of the current situation. I'm sorry that some are chosing to just attack you. The only thing I will say in their defense is that this site is full of people who have been cheated on. There are a lot of people here hurting from that side of the situation and they often lash out at situations like yours.

But, getting to the issue here. As you know, you cannot change history. The best you can do is to move forward in a way that causes the least amount of harm and hopefully ends up leading to good.

As you said, you need to tell your husband he's not your son's father.

Since it sounds like you have not been happy married to him for some time and he's asbuse, a divorce makes sense. Plus after you tell him about your son I rather doubt he would want to continue the marriage. Most men would not.

You are an educated woman, have a Phd (what in?) and I assume that you can support yourself. Do do that. Concentrait on yourself and your children. Work to become the best/strongest person you can.

Now about the other man. Sure he might be wary of you because you cheated with him. But he cheated with you. He's already part of what will make it impossible for you to continue your current marriage if you had wanted that. He needs to own that.

I would tell him that you like him. That you are not divorcing to be with him. You are divorcing because your husband is abusive and you were seriously unhappy with the marriage.

After your divorce, after you work to get your life straight, you might want to date him. But do the work you need to do first.


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## cutebunny

@thebirdman
thank you for your kind worlds and good advice


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## EleGirl

cutebunny,

What kind of support system do you have? Any family? How about friends?


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## bandit.45

Divorce your husband, give him 50% time with the kids, move on and grow the fvck up.


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## cutebunny

@EleGirl

Thank you for your wise words and the time you took to answer me in such a respectful way.

I agree with a lot of what you said. I have been extremely unhappy in my marriage and very much heartbroken. I did something really bad and I own it, no excuses for what I did. But i can't undo it. 
I need to divorce my husband and he knows that. He is away and I might only see him in a few months. 
The other man I told he should contact me when he wishes because I don't wanna feel like I am pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do. and that I wouldn't contact him. 
He doesn't know I have any feelings for him and I told him I do not want a romantic relationship with him. Truth is I can see us in the future but he doesn't know that. 
I might tell him that I am divorcing my husband and that got nothing to do with him next time I see him in person.
Although I don't know when or how to tell him that I like him.


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## cutebunny

@EleGirl

I live in a different country from my home country. My family is in my home country and they know about the truth. I have friends but take care of the kids by myself. I am not working at the moment because I am taking care of baby.


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## cutebunny

@MrsAldi

I believe he has good intentions... I know I can see a future with him but he doesn't know that. I never told him anything or expressed any of my feelings. I actually told him I do not want to have any romantic relationship with him. 
He is the one that found me, he is the one that message me. 
I told him after a few months because I tough that was the right thing to do. He did spend time with his son and looked really happy around him. 
He also told me knowing that he has a son "changed" him and that he wants to settle down and a family. 
SO... you think he is saying like he wants to settle down with someone else after finding out he has a son? I found that unlikely.. as he told me he doesn't have a girlfriend and is single I feel like every time I see him he is more comfortable and into the situation.. I agree with you in a way that he might want my husband to stay but at the same time he wants to be part of his life... He gave me a good amount of money in a envelope ($3.000) last time I saw him and is giving me $1.000 every month. He has guaranteed me he won't desapper ...


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## Miss Independent

.


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## MrsAldi

@cutebunny
I don't know what his intentions are, maybe keeping you sweet so you won't enter in a child support payments against him. 
He's already given you $4k, why? 
In my experience men don't have over money so easily unless it's for a reason. 
He could have gone the conventional route & ordered court visitation. 

I'm not saying he's a bad guy but you don't really know him fully. 
He had no morals in regards to seducing a married woman, what makes you think he values marriage or being faithful to one? 

He may have looked you up on Facebook & found you for commitment free sex. But then found out about the baby & changed, possibly. 

Has he ever been married before? 
Is this is first child? 


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## cutebunny

@MrsAldi

He said he never wanted to be married or have kids, this is his first child. He never been married before and it is single. He said he didn't want any of that but the fact that he found out he has a son changed him and now he wants to have a family.
His son looks just like him and he seems really proud of him, he is a very smart and happy baby.

I guess you are totally right about he saw me as a commitment free sex but changed when found out about the son.

He gave me money to help me support him financially and it feels that he really does feels guilty. He told me he didn't want to fight and go to court and I am the same, I would like to keep things amicable. 

I don't see why he would do all that if he was not going to be committed at least to his son. 

Like I said he looks really guilty and said he is very sorry for putting me trough all this. 

what do you think?


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## MrsAldi

@cutebunny 
How old are you, OM & husband? 

Red Flags regarding OM
He said "never wanted marriage" 
He looks for "commitment free sex"
He doesn't want to "fight & go to court" 
He said he doesn't want "to break up a family"

Right now you are in a fog & are vulnerable, not thinking clearly. 

Your current husband is verbally abusive, OM might seem like an escape to a better family life but he hasn't really done anything solid to prove that apart from paying you off with cash. 

What way did your husband verbally abuse you before the separation?
Did he call you names & was he critical of you before you met OM? 











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## cutebunny

@MrsAldi

We are all in our early 30's. Before anything happened, my husband is been abusive since I got pregnant with our first child. He calls me names, yells at me, put me down and made me feel worthless, raised his hands a few times but never hit me. 

OM does seems like a better scape as I would prefer to work things out with him than to have a 3rd man in my and kids life. 

When I met my husband he also was having multiple one night stands and never wanted to get married. Meeting me made him change so I think people change. The OM said he never wanted to get married but now he wants, to me that means he changed. 

I know I am not thinking straight and thats why I am in a forum in the internet. lol

I understand you are skeptical of OM but I do see a lot of good signs... I just wish things work out for the best...


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## cutebunny

@MrsAldi

I never have said anything at all about my husband to OM.. as far as he is concerned I have a wonderful marriage and just happen to made a mistake. He doesn't know about the abuse or anything. 

OM dad killed himself when he was 15 and thats why he didn't want to be a dad, neither have a family I think. I told OM that when my husband finds out he might kill himself as he is a very depressed person as it is. OM is probably scared of that too


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## Evinrude58

A few questions:

How many months in the past 5 years have you held a job, and have you ever had a job lasting uninterrupted for more than 2 years?
Do you realize there is a difference between separated and divorced?
You realize you said you were married and your OM still decided to have unprotected sex with you?
Do you realize that you had a baby with another man and knew it was not your husbands, but didn't tell him?
Do you realize you're thinking that this other man might someday want a long term relationship with you, in spite of the fact that he's said he doesn't want kids, nor a marriage? 
Who is supporting you now, since you don't work?
Who was supporting you when you were separated the first time and making babies with another man?

What did your husband yell at you about? Were the arguments anything to do with the cleanliness of the home, spending excessive amounts of money, not being a fair and equal partner? Basically, people yell when they get the idea that they aren't being listened to or heard, and their partner won't validate any of their feelings by showing them they understand what is being said. Not saying I excuse it, but I understand it.


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## cutebunny

@Evinrude58 

You are right, thats no excuse for that. Specially if you do it in front of your kids. I told him multiple times stop, the kids are watching whats happening but he doesn't give a S$#@.... so I cannot live like this another day in my life. I came from a family that had verbal abuse and do not want to do the same mistake my parents did to my kids, they mean the world to me.

OM did say he DIDNT WANT family and kids until NOW... now he wants it


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## EleGirl

Have you started the divorce process yet?

What are your plans to get a job?

What sort of things do you do for yourself, things that make you feel better and stronger about yourself?

My point is that it's time that you look to the future and start working on that.


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## MAJDEATH

Do I stick with the Jody I hooked up with while my husband was deployed, or do I remain married and keep another man's child as a constant reminder of when I cheated? Tough decision.

Get on birth control until you figure it out, please.


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## See_Listen_Love

cutebunny said:


> @*KillerClown*
> 
> I have a PhD degree, I know I am a intelligent and good person, just made a horrible mistake.


Just curious, PhD? 

Why is your first post looking a bit strange in relation to PhD? Are you not native english speaking?


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## cutebunny

@See_Listen_Love

English is not my first language


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## cutebunny

@EleGirl

I don't know if you have kids.. they are A LOT of work. It takes literally all my time. specially because I take care of them by myself. My intentions are put baby at daycare when he is at least one and go back to work. Until them is not much I can do. Husband agree to pay until that happen even if divorced.


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## EleGirl

cutebunny said:


> @EleGirl
> 
> I don't know if you have kids.. they are A LOT of work. It takes literally all my time. specially because I take care of them by myself. My intentions are put baby at daycare when he is at least one and go back to work. Until them is not much I can do. Husband agree to pay until that happen even if divorced.


Yes, I have 3 children. THey are all in their 20's now.

When they were young, I worked full time as I have always been the bread winner. Their father would not help with them at all. So yea, sometimes women have to juggle a lot when they have children and have to be the financial support as well.

If your husband is willing to support you unit your child is one, then you are lucky. How old is the baby now? I think you said 8 months old. That's 4 months out.

I wonder if he would be so generous if he knew that he was not the baby's biological father?


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## just got it 55

Only on page one people but my first observations is.....

She (OP) just doesn't get it.

55


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## lifeistooshort

I too have kids. Two sons to be exact.....that i raised for a while as a single mother. 

While I worked full time. 

They are now teenagers.

My ex did pay child support for a while but otherwise has had little part in actually raising them.


My suggestion is to focus on supporting yourself.....you are in your 30's and can't support yourself, so all of your decisions come from a place of who's going to support you. That leaves you little room to actually consider the kind of man you're getting.

And please get on birth control and stop having kids until you get yourself together.

You're going to have to tell your hb the baby's not his.....it's really crappy to keep that from him because you want money from him. Jerk or not he's entitled to know. 

As for OM, even if he were to marry you the foundation of the marriage would be weak. You don't know each other well and your only real connection is a kid that's here as a result of him banging a married woman unprotected. 

Doesn't really say much for his character.

When you can support yourself you can make better decisions when it comes to men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Evinrude58

cutebunny said:


> @EleGirl
> 
> I don't know if you have kids.. they are A LOT of work. It takes literally all my time. specially because I take care of them by myself. My intentions are put baby at daycare when he is at least one and go back to work. Until them is not much I can do. Husband agree to pay until that happen even if divorced.


Your husband is such a beast! Paying for you to stay at home with the kids, 1 of which is jody's, even after you divorce him.

You, however, are kind enough to let him work overseas and finance your Jody babies and "separate" from him while he's gone so you can feel less guilty about banging other dudes. Let's face it, you have no intention of ever working unless no other man will pay your way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MAJDEATH

So if your H was gone for months, and you had sex 1 time with the OM and got pregnant, your H can't do simple math and figure out that he is not the father?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cutebunny

@EleGirl

I am very sorry to hear that you had to do everything yourself as well as financially support your family, that must been really hard. husband is very generous man and I am sure he would still support me until I get back to work even if he knew.. I made as much as my husband prior the pregnancy and have no problem going back to work, just haven't as yet because I don't wanna trough baby at day care at such young age if I have the option not to.


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## *Deidre*

cutebunny said:


> I am glad everybody here are non judgmental and perfect. I have made mistakes but I am only human. My husband is far from perfect and I don't know why some of you may think he is. I loved him very much but lost of trust and respect after finding out about a lot of lies. I was very disappointed on my husband and I was SEPARATED when met the other man. I am separated and looking to get a divorce ASAP. My husband knows all of that.I do have romantic feelings for the OM and think very high of him. I cannot stop thinking about him. I didn't want to scare him away when I told him about the baby, so I told him I did not wanted a romantic relationship with him even tho I do have feelings for him and he doesn't know. We go out for lunch and talk but haven't have any physical contact with him since the baby was conceived. Reality is I care for him very much and do not want to scare him away. I don't know if he has feelings for me. I don't know if he wants to be with me. He does says this things like "if I marry you" but back up when I say I am divorcing my husband, and say we should try to keep what I have, he doesn't want to be the one that destroys my family, etc.. maybe out of guilt. How to make the OM understand or think of me as a possible wife without scaring him away? I plan to tell my husband soon, I haven't seen him in 3 months. I did tell my husband I don't love him anymore and I want a divorce. I also want to have the OM on his birth certificate.


Everyone does make mistakes, this is true. But, before you leap into another mistake, think about why you are running back and forth between men. If you are just getting with this new guy because he's the father of this kid, that's not a great reason. Because if you don't truly love him, you may end up doing what you did to get into this situation, but with someone else. I caution you to perhaps live on your own for a while, and start taking care of yourself and not rely so much on men to do that for you. Then, if you have true feelings for the guy, then move forward with him. But, jumping from guy to guy will only result in more drama for all involved, and you will end up very unhappy and confused. That's my advice, anyway.


----------



## cutebunny

@Evinrude58

You sound like a very angry man that is here to justify other angry man.
You love attacking woman so you can be the angry man you are, and justify yourself "oh I am angry because she made me angry" ....let me tell you something you have control of your own emotions and if you are angry is your own fault...and you jump into conclusions like there's no tomorrow. 
I am happy to go back to work but I love been a mom and spending time with my children. Is that so bad? 
Let your anger go, stop attacking others and go and be happy, I wish you the best.


----------



## cutebunny

@*Deidre*

Thank you for your message. I know a lot of people are very fast to jump into conclusions in this forum but reality is I have been married for 6 years and have never showed interest, flirt, kiss or slept with any other man. 
When I was separated I was devastated as I have never loved anyone more than my husband. I was really heartbroken, reality is I felt over heels for OM and never felt this way before about anyone else, I don't know and I cannot explain why I had this instant attraction and care for him, I have never felt like this before for nobody like I said.. I only slept with him once. Thats the real story believe or not...


----------



## Miss Independent

.


----------



## manfromlamancha

cutebunny said:


> I have been married for 6 years and my husband is in the navy. We have a daughter thats gonna be 3 this year. When I was pregnant with our daughter I would see him one every 8 months or so. He is always away and never part of mine or her life, I feel like he is a holiday daddy even tho he is very attentive when he is around, which is not much. We separated last year for a few months, and *I met this guy that I really liked.. I told the guy I was still married and he didn't seem to care much. I ended up sleeping with him once, before he went away to Europe*, he is also in the navy. I have find out I was pregnant and knew it was the other man. I could not contact the other man because he was gone and out of desperation went back to my husband. He thinks is his kid but he treats him and my daughter very different. Does not give my son much attention at all. Since them I have reached to the other man (he has find me and contacted me trough social media and apologized for despairing) *I decided to tell him and have done a DNA test and it is his baby*. I am now separated from my husband and I want to divorce him and tell him the truth as I can't leave like this anymore. I like the other man and he is currently paying me child support to help with expenses. In my conversation with the *other man he has mentioned things like "if I marry you"* and that he is buying a house and want to settle down. He also mentioned a few times that *he doesn't want to be that man that breaks a family and that we should try to keep what I have*. I guess he is confused. I don't know what to do or what to expect, *I just want whats the best for my son and believe the other man has better qualities and will make an amazing father for my kids. *What to do?



I*n your thread you said you really loved your husband yet you jumped into bed with another man as soon as your husband was gone!

This POSOM is a player. He managed to charm his way into your pants and you "fell for him straight away" !

He doesn't want to be the man that breaks up another family. In your thread you said he didn't know about your marital problems and thought you had a wonderful marriage but decided to fvck you anyway - what kind of man does that make him?

And you sound kind of cold and calculating when you say he would make a better father for your kids! 

The first time he slept with you and you managed to get pregnant! How unlucky was that! Why didn't you use protection ? And then he disappeared and when he felt like coming back for round 2 of easy sex, he contacted you by social media and all it took was an "I'm sorry, I despaired" to get back into your pants! This man is a real piece of work isn't he? *




cutebunny said:


> @MrsAldi
> 
> My husband is big on verbal abuse and always yell at me in front of the children. He has an explosive personality. I do not wish to live like this.
> Either way if I stay with OM or not I do not want to put my children to live with someone like him. He is no hole model.
> 
> *I don't know OM super well but believe if we both take the time to know each other something good could happen.*



*First you say you really know him and that he is a wonderful guy and then you say you don't really know him - which i it? I don't know if you have noticed but your husband has gone from being away a lot to becoming a complete monster over the course of your posts - especially when you get push back from anyone here - you seem to increase your making him look like a villain and this other POSOM look more like a hero! * 




cutebunny said:


> @EleGirl
> 
> Thank you for your wise words and the time you took to answer me in such a respectful way.
> 
> I agree with a lot of what you said. I have been extremely unhappy in my marriage and very much heartbroken. I did something really bad and I own it, no excuses for what I did. But i can't undo it.
> I need to divorce my husband and he knows that. He is away and I might only see him in a few months.
> The other man I told he should contact me when he wishes because I don't wanna feel like I am pushing him to do something he doesn't want to do. and that I wouldn't contact him.
> *He doesn't know I have any feelings for him and I told him I do not want a romantic relationship with him.* Truth is I can see us in the future but he doesn't know that.
> I might tell him that I am divorcing my husband and that got nothing to do with him next time I see him in person.
> Although I don't know when or how to tell him that I like him.


*You say the POSOM doesn't know that you have any feelings for him - so did he think that you too were in this for the easy illicit sex with someone else? You must wonder what he thinks of you - someone who cheats but with no feelings for the man she is fvcking? * 



cutebunny said:


> @MrsAldi
> 
> I believe he has good intentions... I know I can see a future with him but he doesn't know that. I never told him anything or expressed any of my feelings. I actually told him I do not want to have any romantic relationship with him.
> *He is the one that found me, he is the one that message me. *
> I told him after a few months because I tough that was the right thing to do. He did spend time with his son and looked really happy around him.
> He also told me knowing that he has a son "changed" him and that he wants to settle down and a family.
> SO... you think he is saying like he wants to settle down with someone else after finding out he has a son? I found that unlikely.. as *he told me he doesn't have a girlfriend and is single* I feel like every time I see him he is more comfortable and into the situation.. *I agree with you in a way that he might want my husband to stay but at the same time he wants to be part of his life.*.. *He gave me a good amount of money in a envelope ($3.000) last time I saw him and is giving me $1.000 every month.* He has guaranteed me he won't desapper ...



*So he didn't want a relationship but is extremely happy that his illegitimate child with you looks like him - he must feel really good about sticking it to your husband who he really doesn't know - and you supporting this makes you equally bad - surely you must see this and see what an utter [email protected] this new man of yours is. And he is paying you for the privilege of being able to cuckold your husband - what do you think that makes you? Really like others are saying - stop this and start repairing yourself asap. Don't have any more "relationships" until you have fixed you. Become independent - you have a PhD and have been earning before - so go do that again! And stop taking money from this vile [email protected] and regain some pride (for your own well being). *





cutebunny said:


> @MrsAldi
> 
> He said he never wanted to be married or have kids, this is his first child. He never been married before and it is single. He said he didn't want any of that but the fact that he found out he has a son changed him and now he wants to have a family.
> His son looks just like him and he seems really proud of him, he is a very smart and happy baby.
> 
> I guess you are totally right about he saw me as a commitment free sex but changed when found out about the son.
> 
> He gave me money to help me support him financially and it feels that he really does feels guilty. *He told me he didn't want to fight and go to court and I am the same, I would like to keep things amicable. *
> 
> I don't see why he would do all that if he was not going to be committed at least to his son.
> 
> Like I said he looks really guilty and said he is very sorry for putting me trough all this.
> 
> what do you think?


*So basically the advice is stop pursuing him - certainly do not have sex with him anymore until you are divorced and even then, with a condom! Why ? Because you can bet your bottom dollar that this "sailor" is fvcking other women too! Why should he get married when he can have his cake and eat it too!*


----------



## *Deidre*

cutebunny said:


> @*Deidre*
> 
> Thank you for your message. I know a lot of people are very fast to jump into conclusions in this forum but reality is I have been married for 6 years and have never showed interest, flirt, kiss or slept with any other man.
> When I was separated I was devastated as I have never loved anyone more than my husband. I was really heartbroken, reality is I felt over heels for OM and never felt this way before about anyone else, I don't know and I cannot explain why I had this instant attraction and care for him, I have never felt like this before for nobody like I said.. I only slept with him once. Thats the real story believe or not...


I think you should get into counseling for yourself, and not be with the OM, or anyone for a while. The thing is, you're bringing kids into this drama, and it's not fair to them, mostly. I say this to you with kindness, but find a way to get your life together, and not leap into anything further with other men until you get your life together. I doubt you're in love with this OM, lust and chemistry sometimes feels like love, though.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Ok, so you can support yourself, you just don't want to. 

But it doesn't change the fact that your decisions are based on the fact that you don't want to work, so you're not making good decisions. 

Tell your hb and let the chips fall, and go back you work.

Then while you're paying your own bills you can evaluate your marriage. If it's bad then leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cutebunny

@manfromlamancha


manfromlamancha said:


> I*n your thread you said you really loved your husband yet you jumped into bed with another man as soon as your husband was gone!
> 
> I didn't see my husband for a while them and it was heartbroken.. still thats no excuses, I know I am wrong and I made a huge mistake.
> 
> 
> This POSOM is a player. He managed to charm his way into your pants and you "fell for him straight away" !
> 
> He doesn't want to be the man that breaks up another family. In your thread you said he didn't know about your marital problems and thought you had a wonderful marriage but decided to fvck you anyway - what kind of man does that make him?
> 
> And you sound kind of cold and calculating when you say he would make a better father for your kids!
> 
> The first time he slept with you and you managed to get pregnant! How unlucky was that! Why didn't you use protection ? And then he disappeared and when he felt like coming back for round 2 of easy sex, he contacted you by social media and all it took was an "I'm sorry, I despaired" to get back into your pants! This man is a real piece of work isn't he? *
> 
> 
> I have never slept with him again, it was once and only time. I was very very unlucky.. didn't use protection out of stupidity but told him that was a really bad idea, felt really bad and asked him to pull out because I didn't want to get pregnant.. still got pregnant. c
> 
> 
> *First you say you really know him and that he is a wonderful guy and then you say you don't really know him - which i it? I don't know if you have noticed but your husband has gone from being away a lot to becoming a complete monster over the course of your posts - especially when you get push back from anyone here - you seem to increase your making him look like a villain and this other POSOM look more like a hero! *
> 
> I am probably protecting the other guy don't know why .. but I wanted to make sure you guys know that I have really serious problems in my marriage trough the posts.
> 
> 
> *You say the POSOM doesn't know that you have any feelings for him - so did he think that you too were in this for the easy illicit sex with someone else? You must wonder what he thinks of you - someone who cheats but with no feelings for the man she is fvcking? *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *So he didn't want a relationship but is extremely happy that his illegitimate child with you looks like him - he must feel really good about sticking it to your husband who he really doesn't know - and you supporting this makes you equally bad - surely you must see this and see what an utter [email protected] this new man of yours is. And he is paying you for the privilege of being able to cuckold your husband - what do you think that makes you? Really like others are saying - stop this and start repairing yourself asap. Don't have any more "relationships" until you have fixed you. Become independent - you have a PhD and have been earning before - so go do that again! And stop taking money from this vile [email protected] and regain some pride (for your own well being). *
> 
> I don't know how happy he is about that.. he's son is like a little twin, they look exactly the same and he mention a few times in a few conversations that if he lives in his home country is good education and he can have this and that.. how is he gonna live there if I am not there?
> His speech changed completely trough the few times we met. He was the one organizing the meetings and telling me he needed to speak. The first meeting he was white and shaking I tough he was gonna have a panic attack. The next time around he said he spoke to his lawyer and that he knows he has no right on the baby and that he could only have contact with him if I allowed. Also asked me to write a list of what I want and expect from him. Said he could be part of baby life sometimes as long as didn't interfere with anything else. Last time I saw him the speech changed again and now he was saying knowing that he has a son changed him and that he wanted to settle down and have a family, was going to go home so that would be possible without having to go back to navy and having a steady business. SO ... it might be that because he changed so much from day 1 that makes me so confused.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *So basically the advice is stop pursuing him - certainly do not have sex with him anymore until you are divorced and even then, with a condom! Why ? Because you can bet your bottom dollar that this "sailor" is fvcking other women too! Why should he get married when he can have his cake and eat it too!*


I am not having sex with anyone for a long time.... I really appreciate your time to write me this post and you sound like a very reasonable man, thank you! @manfromlamancha


----------



## cutebunny

@*Deidre*

You are right, I won't put my kids into this drama, I messed up and now I have to fix it


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## MattMatt

Newsflash!

You are not a bunny.

You are not cute.

Grow up. And use contraception.


----------



## MrsAldi

cutebunny said:


> @EleGirl
> 
> I am very sorry to hear that you had to do everything yourself as well as financially support your family, that must been really hard. husband is very generous man and I am sure he would still support me until I get back to work even if he knew.. I made as much as my husband prior the pregnancy and have no problem going back to work, just haven't as yet because I don't wanna trough baby at day care at such young age if I have the option not to.


You stated that your husband is a "very generous man"
I am having a hard time believing that he can be so "verbally abusive" and "generous" at the same time. 
If he was really bad you should have filed for divorce by now. 
Instead you're looking to go into another support system with another man instead getting out & being independent. 

I have been abused before & I had to leave penniless & with debt. 
I was only lucky I didn't have children, but I still would have left, even with a young baby. 

The new guy will be x10 worse once you're living with him & the new baby love spell wears off him. 
He already cheats with married people & has little morals. 
Your husband may be the better devil you know...



Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## cutebunny

@MrsAldi



MrsAldi said:


> You stated that your husband is a "very generous man"
> I am having a hard time believing that he can be so "verbally abusive" and "generous" at the same time.
> 
> WHY would I came to an internet forum to lie? The only reason I came here is to make me get out of this blur I am in... Husband is generous man, he always have been not only with me. Still have a very explosive temper, has depression and it is an alcoholic. Got fired a few times before for been drunk at work. Doesn't do it at home, only when away.
> 
> If he was really bad you should have filed for divorce by now.
> Instead you're looking to go into another support system with another man instead getting out & being independent.
> 
> I have been abused before & I had to leave penniless & with debt.
> I was only lucky I didn't have children, but I still would have left, even with a young baby.
> 
> 
> Maybe you have a better self stem than I do.
> 
> The new guy will be x10 worse once you're living with him & the new baby love spell wears off him.
> 
> He already cheats with married people & has little morals.
> Your husband may be the better devil you know...
> 
> Thank you for your message, I know you only trying to help but how would you know that? neither me or you can predict how he would be.. this is the worst time of my life, trust me
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## bandit.45

People here are trying to help you. The advice you have gotten is spot on. 

You do not need to be with either man. You have destroyed your marriage with your husband with your immature choices. You have completely rewritten the history of your marriage with him and are blaming him for your poor choices and lack of boundaries, and are determined to make him out to be the bad guy. And to add insult to injury, now you are considering taking his children away from him and getting that piece of **** you have been banging on the side to be their new baby daddy. 

Right now you are not fit to be a wife to any man. You are actions are amoral, selfish, entitled and short-sighted. Women like you are the reason fewer and fewer young men want to get married these days. You have a choice: choose to be honest and open with your husband, admit your bad choices and pray he forgives you for what you have done, and then work to rebuild the marriage...like an adult would do. If he cannot, give him a fair and equitable divorce and move on. The court will make him pay child support for the child that is not his, so you should at the very least allow him the opportunity to visit and be a part of that child's life. He has bonded with that child and has been the only daddy the child has known. To take that away would be unbelievably cruel and selfish. 

If you cannot reconcile with your husband, or if you just no longer love him, divorce him and then stay the fvck away from men period...at least until you get some counseling and work on becoming an independent person. That is your only way forward, because shacking up with the other guy won't last either. You are deluding yourself if you think he will take responsibility for those kids.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt

So OP, here's a newsflash - not *everyone* is such a special snowflake that they DESERVE the luxury of staying home with their kids while depending on everyone else to support them. 

I know - that's crazy talk, right? 

Yet there are many, many single mothers who actually DO work and support their children.

You just want to latch onto ANYONE who'll support you rather than putting that supposed PhD you claim to have to good use and supporting YOURSELF.

And incidentally, one doesn't *need* to have a PhD to understand the SIMPLE concept of birth control.


----------



## cutebunny

@She'sStillGotIt

I am sorry I had better luck in life than other people.

With a few exceptions, this forum is full of angry, judgmental and quick to assume and jump to conclusions people. No wonder you guys live in the internet. I obviously don't fit in here.


----------



## bandit.45

cutebunny said:


> @She'sStillGotIt
> 
> I am sorry I had better luck in life than other people.
> 
> With a few exceptions, this forum is full of angry, judgmental and quick to assume and jump to conclusions people. No wonder you guys live in the internet. I obviously don't fit in here.


Post deleted due to assholishness.....


----------



## EleGirl

cutebunny said:


> @She'sStillGotIt
> 
> I am sorry I had better luck in life than other people.
> 
> With a few exceptions, this forum is full of angry, judgmental and quick to assume and jump to conclusions people. No wonder you guys live in the internet. I obviously don't fit in here.


We don't live on the internet any more than you do. We all have lives. Most of us are highly educated professionals who come to TAM to unwind when we have a few minutes.

For me TAM started out as a place to go to late at night, after work, after the children were in bed, when I was having trouble with my marriage. It gave me a place to talk through the problems that I was avoiding. To be honest, having this outlet pulled me out of a depression that immobilized me.

Now, years later it's a place I go to distract me from work.. LOL.. when I take breaks between doing other things. That's what most people on TAM are doing. 

Yes some people can be harsh.. I wish that they would tone it down. But they are being brutally honest.


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## EleGirl

bandit.45 said:


> Well, then run away. That seems to be your M.O. Run to people, like your affair partner, who will coddle you and encourage you to believe the lies you are telling yourself. Good luck. I do hope things work out for you and your kids.


Ya know, this is not going to help her. A bit of brutal honesty can help all of us. But this is beyond what is helpful.


----------



## cutebunny

EleGirl said:


> We don't live on the internet any more than you do. We all have lives. Most of us are highly educated professionals who come to TAM to unwind when we have a few minutes.
> 
> For me TAM started out as a place to go to late at night, after work, after the children were in bed, when I was having trouble with my marriage. It gave me a place to talk through the problems that I was avoiding. To be honest, having this outlet pulled me out of a depression that immobilized me.
> 
> Now, years later it's a place I go to distract me from work.. LOL.. when I take breaks between doing other things. That's what most people on TAM are doing.
> 
> Yes some people can be harsh.. I wish that they would tone it down. But they are being brutally honest.


@ EleGirl
I wasn't referring to you per say, I think you gave me pretty good advice and I respect that.. I do feel like some people are here just to put others down tho.


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## bandit.45

I'm very harsh and direct, but it is the only way I know to be. It was the way I was raised I guess ( yes I was literally raised in a barn). There are so many people I admire here on TAM...so many who are far mor sophisticated and elegant than I am. And yet sometimes I feel like TAM is the only place I can be myself and express myself. 

Bunny if you want to come back and trade anger with me then please do. You can call me every name in the book, as long as you are being real and honest. I give Elle Girl the go to let you trash me as much as you want as long as you stick around. Better yet, I will even bail from this thread and say no more to you if that will encourage you to stay and work on things. 

You can say "Bandit is such an ass...I hate guys like him", and I will be perfectly fine with it. As long as you are learning and sharing.


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## bandit.45

EleGirl said:


> Ya know, this is not going to help her. A bit of brutal honesty can help all of us. But this is beyond what is helpful.


Agreed. I apologize.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

It sounds like you & your husband have failed each other in numerous ways since getting married...add to it... his being gone months at a time is hard enough on any marriage.. I remember reading somewhere members of the military have one of the highest statistics of divorce... Pretty sure , even if it's not talked about... the lonely spouse , him over seas & too often the wife at home.. pretty common to be tempted elsewhere.. It's still NOT Ok... but it's a hard life.. very lonely.. I can only imagine... 

You do go back & forth about your husband.. he's verbally abusive, he's an alcoholic.. but he's generous ! It's a little hard to follow or get the real picture.. you have got yourself in a MESS here.. not for one minute would I believe this other man is an honorable man though or that he plans to run off with you... 

And it's one of the ugliest betrayals to pawn another man's child off on an unsuspecting husband.. If I was a man betrayed like this.. I can't even describe the anger/ disgust I would feel - coming to learn this after the fact..

As heart wrenching as it may be.. you gotta be honest with HIM.. TELL HIM THE TRUTH.. he deserves that...and go from there.. let us know how this goes..


----------



## Evinrude58

cutebunny said:


> I have been married for 6 years and my husband is in the navy. We have a daughter thats gonna be 3 this year. When I was pregnant with our daughter I would see him one every 8 months or so. He is always away and never part of mine or her life, I feel like he is a holiday daddy even tho he is very attentive when he is around, which is not much. We separated last year for a few months, and I met this guy that I really liked.. I told the guy I was still married and he didn't seem to care much. I ended up sleeping with him once, before he went away to Europe, he is also in the navy. I have find out I was pregnant and knew it was the other man. I could not contact the other man because he was gone and out of desperation went back to my husband. He thinks is his kid but he treats him and my daughter very different.
> 
> Yes, he treats him differently because he can add and knows it's not his. Yet he takes care of him and you.
> It's not his fault that the best way for him to make a living is working in the navy. It's not like he was choosing to be away from you, it's party of the job. You knew that, I assume.
> 
> Does not give my son much attention at all. Since them I have reached to the other man (he has find me and contacted me trough social media and apologized for despairing) I decided to tell him and have done a DNA test and it is his baby. I am now separated from my husband and I want to divorce him and tell him the truth as I can't leave like this anymore. I like the other man and he is currently paying me child support to help with expenses. In my conversation with the other man he has mentioned things like "if I marry you" and that he is buying a house and want to settle down. He also mentioned a few times that he doesn't want to be that man that breaks a family and that we should try to keep what I have. I guess he is confused. I don't know what to do or what to expect, *I just want whats the best for my son and believe the other man has better qualities and will make an amazing father for my kids. *What to do?


From your post, I see a dad that's doing his best and a wife who is expecting him to be there all the time even when deployed. That's unfair. I see a woman that leaves her husband and has unprotected sex whom she barely knows and has a baby with him, then returns to her chump husband and leads him to believe it's her husband's baby.

Then, she has the gall to say the OM, who had so little character as to knock up a known married woman and then disappear, is a possible better father to her husbands kids.

Then when multiple people point out the error of her actions and thoughts, says her husband is an alcoholic who loses jobs, but doesn't drink at home. Alcoholics by definition drink at home. How would you know he's drinking if he does it away from home and out of your sight? He has a job on the navy. How long has he held that job? Why not mention right away that he was a drunk and worthless and you left him?
Why in Hades would you return to a drink that can't hold a job?

Yes, I guess I was annoyed because all that you e written doesn't add up.
You're making judgements about a guy's fitness as a father that disappeared after you had a baby and whom you've spent little time with. His actions speak volumes, his words very little. Your husbands actions--- supporting his and another man's kids speak volumes about him.

You do need to divorce your husband. Now that your feelings for him are gone, regardless of the reason, you'll never love him the same as before. Only you and he know if he's a bad guy or not.
But based on what you've said, this new Other man is a real piece of work. No way is he husband material.

I'm attacking your behavior, btw, not you.

I'm old enough to know I'm not perfect, and that you are just a person looking for happiness. I hope you find it, but I think you're in the wrong path.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty

Get yourself into therapy because you are too reliant on a partner taking care of you. You are jumping from one relationship to another without working on yourself and you will bring that baggage into the next whether the OM is genuine or not. He may be a great guy and a potential husband, but the question is can you be a great wife.

Plus, the reason you need to seek employment is because you do not know the future and whether you will have a partner to rely on financially. Are you willing to place your children on a gamble that you have no control over the other guy's action. You do realize that your goal an safety net is not based on yourself but another, with their own autonomy that could as well leave you for another woman as well or simply not want a relationship. You are in the honeymoon phase, where things seems magical and so right, but the reality is behavior tends to change and this new guy, this current you, will probably be different and want different things. You also need to own the fact that you are willing to let others take the consequences of your action, like your husband being responsible for a child that is not his. From an outsider's perspective, you want someone to carry your baggage..


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## As'laDain

Wait a second... the navy is the job that brings him away. He has been fired a few times for being drunk, but only drinks when he is away...


In what part of the military, let alone navy, is a repeated pattern of alcohol related offenses tolerated?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski

cutebunny said:


> I have been married for 6 years and my husband is in the navy. We have a daughter thats gonna be 3 this year. When I was pregnant with our daughter I would see him one every 8 months or so. He is always away and never part of mine or her life, I feel like he is a holiday daddy even tho he is very attentive when he is around, which is not much. We separated last year for a few months, and I met this guy that I really liked.. I told the guy I was still married and he didn't seem to care much. I ended up sleeping with him once, before he went away to Europe, he is also in the navy. I have find out I was pregnant and knew it was the other man. I could not contact the other man because he was gone and out of desperation went back to my husband. He thinks is his kid but he treats him and my daughter very different. Does not give my son much attention at all. Since them I have reached to the other man (he has find me and contacted me trough social media and apologized for despairing) I decided to tell him and have done a DNA test and it is his baby. I am now separated from my husband and I want to divorce him and tell him the truth as I can't leave like this anymore. I like the other man and he is currently paying me child support to help with expenses. In my conversation with the other man he has mentioned things like "if I marry you" and that he is buying a house and want to settle down. He also mentioned a few times that he doesn't want to be that man that breaks a family and that we should try to keep what I have. I guess he is confused. I don't know what to do or what to expect, I just want whats the best for my son and believe the other man has better qualities and will make an amazing father for my kids. What to do?


Your family is already broken.

Tell your husband the truth, and grant him a swift and amicable divorce in which you neither request nor demand anything from him other than support for the child that IS his.

Assuming, of course, that it's actually his.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## larry.gray

As'laDain said:


> Wait a second... the navy is the job that brings him away. He has been fired a few times for being drunk, but only drinks when he is away...
> 
> 
> In what part of the military, let alone navy, is a repeated pattern of alcohol related offenses tolerated?


I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed. You don't get fired, you get a Big Chicken Dinner.


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## Evinrude58

The prevarications were pouring like an avalanche coming down a mountain.
He's not home enough from the navy for the last few years, but very attentive when he's home.... 
Wait, you're thinking I'm CHeatING while he's gone? No, I was separated.....
You think I'm a bad girl for letting him think another dude's baby is his?
Well he's verbally abusive and always has been...

Oh, I'm not working and living off my husband while pining for Jody who's disappeared at the news I was pregnant, but I'm a very attentive, great mom. You're judging me harshly??
Well he's a drunk who gets fired a lot... He's a bad husband. Yeah, he's willing to pay for my Jody baby and his baby while I text Jody and arrange dates with him while sitting at home....
But he gets angry and yells when I tell him that Jody will be a better father if he shows back up.

You don't believe my bs? Not taking the bait? Well I just don't fit in here...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## As'laDain

I have been on active duty for over nine years. My wife is a former sailor. By father was in the airforce. Both of my brothers are currently serving on active duty. 


They do NOT tolerate being drunk on duty. Someone might be able to get by with it once and still stay in, but I seriously doubt that in today's military, where you sometimes have to get a special permission JUST to stay in due to the draw-downs, that someone could get away with it multiple times. 

I could see it if it were a low ranking yeoman getting transfered to a different ship a couple times, maybe, but I could not see it being tolerated in officers. Let alone any of the numerous highly specialized jobs like the nuclear machinist mates. 

This story isn't making sense...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Yosemite

I've been away from this thread for a bit, just checking in.

Are you still lying to your husband about carrying another man's child?


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