# Why am I SO angry?



## nowimstronger (Feb 6, 2014)

I haven't posted 'My Story' yet. I'm still too angry to write down all the crap going through my head. I've written and deleted so much already...I guess what I really want to know is if I have 'the right' to be angry? I've felt a divorce is what I wanted for a while. When you can't stand the way a person walks, talks, acts, or even BREATHES...its time to go. Found the text messages that were the final nail in the coffin. Kicked him out. Barely 3 weeks later he thinks its OK to introduce this woman to MY children. The papers have been filed, but we're STILL married. I don't want him back. But I have enough respect for myself to not enter a relationship so soon and if i DID give in to my hormones and engaged in a physical relationship, he still wouldn't be meeting my kids! Am I just being bitter? I honestly don't know. I can picture him with her and it doesn't bug me...I know what she's getting and i'm not missing out on anything...trust me...I'm almost certain he's living with her, playing daddy to her kid, while his kids have seen him 3 times in the last month. That's what pisses me off. WE'RE divorcing, doesn't mean he should divorce the kids. Would you be angry if your STBX was bringing your YOUNG kids around the OM/OW so soon after separating?


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

In my situation, my STBXW, introduced my daughter to PosOM in what seems a a few days after I left the marital home.

Now they are living together.

I can understand your anger, but I no longer feel that way. Why? You can't control anyone - once you understand that and feel it... The anger subsides.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Yes I would be angry too. It should be a least a year before anyone introduces a child to a new partner. You don't even know another person until you have been with them at least a year, so why introduce them to children? He's selfish and self centered.


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## bmark33 (Jun 20, 2013)

nowimstronger said:


> I've felt a divorce is what I wanted for a while. When you can't stand the way a person walks, talks, acts, or even BREATHES...its time to go.


No excuses for cheating but dang how come he wasn't satisfied with all the love at home?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

nowimstronger said:


> I haven't posted 'My Story' yet. I'm still too angry to write dDown all the crap going through my head. I've written and deleted so much already...I guess what I really want to know is if I have 'the right' to be angry? I've felt a divorce is what I wanted for a while. When you can't stand the way a person walks, talks, acts, or even BREATHES...its time to go. Found the text messages that were the final nail in the coffin. Kicked him out. Barely 3 weeks later he thinks its OK to introduce this woman to MY children. The papers have been filed, but we're STILL married. I don't want him back. But I have enough respect for myself to not enter a relationship so soon and if i DID give in to my hormones and engaged in a physical relationship, he still wouldn't be meeting my kids! Am I just being bitter? I honestly don't know. I can picture him with her and it doesn't bug me...I know what she's getting and i'm not missing out on anything...trust me...I'm almost certain he's living with her, playing daddy to her kid, while his kids have seen him 3 times in the last month. That's what pisses me off. WE'RE divorcing, doesn't mean he should divorce the kids. Would you be angry if your STBX was bringing your YOUNG kids around the OM/OW so soon after separating?


Yes you should allow yourself to feel anger. Anger can motivate you to act, so now is the time to worry about your thoughts, your actions. Not his. Let go of trying to understand him. You never will. 

Feel bad for him because he is incapable of thinking of anyone but himself and it is sad. Don't give him the time of day, he's gotten enough time from your life already. Worry about yourself and your kids and recognize that if this is who he is then the less time he sees the kids the better, and any damage he might inflict on the kids will be erased by the normal life they experience with you. Don't worry about the stuff now. Kids will survive and they will see him for who he is later. 

180
180
180

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## IronWine29 (Dec 31, 2013)

You are right to be angry, for yourself and for your kids. He's already betrayed you. It will confuse your kids. Regardless of whether they will or will not get over it later, why inflict his poor choices on them? The OW sounds like a catch, too.

ReGroup is right, your anger will subside in time. But that doesn't mean you are wrong to feel the way you do. And your STBXH is wrong.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

nowimstronger said:


> I haven't posted 'My Story' yet. I'm still too angry to write down all the crap going through my head. I've written and deleted so much already...I guess what I really want to know is if I have 'the right' to be angry? I've felt a divorce is what I wanted for a while. When you can't stand the way a person walks, talks, acts, or even BREATHES...its time to go. Found the text messages that were the final nail in the coffin. Kicked him out. Barely 3 weeks later he thinks its OK to introduce this woman to MY children. The papers have been filed, but we're STILL married. I don't want him back. But I have enough respect for myself to not enter a relationship so soon and if i DID give in to my hormones and engaged in a physical relationship, he still wouldn't be meeting my kids! Am I just being bitter? I honestly don't know. I can picture him with her and it doesn't bug me...I know what she's getting and i'm not missing out on anything...trust me...I'm almost certain he's living with her, playing daddy to her kid, while his kids have seen him 3 times in the last month. That's what pisses me off. WE'RE divorcing, doesn't mean he should divorce the kids. Would you be angry if your STBX was bringing your YOUNG kids around the OM/OW so soon after separating?


"Angry" is ok - it may even be a great motivator for positive change.

"Blame" is not ok.

Nobody gets in these situations without more than enough blame to go around.

As long as you own "your" pos tendencies, being angry about your situation is somewhat therapeutic.


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## FrustratedFL (May 18, 2011)

oh boy can I relate to this post. My STBXH cheated for years and 3 weeks after we separated he introduced my 10 year old to his skank mistress - convicted felon - 4 yes 4 DUIs and an arrest record as long as my arm. I went nuts. I was angry, hurt and very protective of my child. Selfish self centered cheaters.

Fast forward a year and he ended up cheating on DUI tramp with a new sugar mama. Still not divorced and going through the very slow legal process. All I can say is it does get better. I was the queen of anger when the marriage first broke up. I did everything. I looked at myself as a great wife, mother and friend. I was loyal, hard working, always worked, cooked, cleaned and hosted parties and was always there for him.

The anger started to subside and I was able to reflect on myself and the marriage. I came to realize our communication broke down a long time ago. Not sure if it was the affair and him always gone, or severed communication that led him to escape relationship. Either way, I was lonely in my marriage and could have expressed myself better. Regardless, NO EXCUSE to cheat and lie and avoid your family.

I now get angry with him on legal issues but I am past the deep bitter anger that I had for a long time. I have accepted the outcome of the marriage and find him and his lifestyle to be a bloody mess. 

It will get better. Keep a journal and write down everything. It helps.


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## cagedrat (Jan 12, 2014)

Be angry. Express it, get it out, and feel it. Then let it go so you don't let it control you or consume you. Easier said than done, right?


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## nowimstronger (Feb 6, 2014)

Thank you all so much. You honestly have no idea how much it means to know what I'm feeling is 'OK'... here's an update already. They both sent me nasty texts tonight. Him all about how I need to grow up ( I hung up the phone when he put OW on to talk to my child) her about how I need to get over the fact that she was 'sleeping with my children's father' although she used more vulgar words. Let me tell you what a classy chick he's moved on too. I'll admit I called her a beotch in my text to him...but for him to be OK with her texting me and threatening me (did I mention that)not ok. Told him I was putting a protective order against her. He can be with who he wants but I don't want her around my children.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nowimstronger (Feb 6, 2014)

bmark33 said:


> No excuses for cheating but dang how come he wasn't satisfied with all the love at home?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just like I have no issues owing up to my part in the breakup...I'll admit there wasn't much if any love to come home to. Despite all my faults I wasn't out looking to replace him. Not living with someone else 3 weeks in to the divorce either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

nowimstronger said:


> Thank you all so much. You honestly have no idea how much it means to know what I'm feeling is 'OK'... here's an update already. They both sent me nasty texts tonight. Him all about how I need to grow up ( I hung up the phone when he put OW on to talk to my child) her about how I need to get over the fact that she was 'sleeping with my children's father' although she used more vulgar words. Let me tell you what a classy chick he's moved on too. I'll admit I called her a beotch in my text to him...but for him to be OK with her texting me and threatening me (did I mention that)not ok. Told him I was putting a protective order against her. He can be with who he wants but I don't want her around my children.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Refrain from the name calling etc...

Don't feed into the drama.

Remember, that's the reaction that THEY want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## browneyes74 (Sep 1, 2013)

Oh yes, You have a right to be angry. In fact, I ended up in mediation b/c my piece of crap STBXH wanted to introduce the skank to the kids after less than 3 months.. We ended up in mediation b/c I fought and fought and fought.. 

turns out, the mediator was on my side. BIG TIME. When we went to the parenting class, they said a minimum of 6 months before introducing a new partner from the divorce.. I was asking for 5.. I was a "horrible" person.. 

He looked like a complete arse in mediation.. She reamed him over that.. Now he pretends that he wanted to wait 6 months all along.. of course..

You know what? I don't care that he cheated. He did me a favor. I don't care that he moved in with her before we filed. Again, a favor, b/c he was nothing but a financial leech. 

But my kids? Oh, you had BETTER believe that I will make sure they are as healthy and adjusted through this as can be.. And I will do it to my dying breath.. You don't mess with my kids..


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I completely understand your anger. You feel that his actions have disrespected the marriage and the family you had. He is demonstrating a lack of care for his children and selfishly putting his wants with the OW ahead of his responsibilities as a father.
Guess what?
If he had been acting with the respect you deserve you wouldn't be here. Find a healthy way to get the anger out and be there for your kids.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Understand my desire is to help.

I found anger was the best emotion to help me go dark and move on.

An observation, for someone who claims to not care about him or what he does, you seem to be very focused on what he does.

I am not sure if there is anything you can do to stop him from introducing his conquests to your kids but I do know that you cannot force your morality or ethics on him, that makes him feel like he has power over you.

Good luck you sitch really stinks but you can survive and thrive if you focus on YOU.

Stretch


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## Pictureless (May 21, 2013)

nowimstronger said:


> Just like I have no issues owing up to my part in the breakup...I'll admit there wasn't much if any love to come home to. Despite all my faults I wasn't out looking to replace him. Not living with someone else 3 weeks in to the divorce either.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your anger confuses me.


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## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

Go no contact. 180.

Getting over this is a process, the longer you delay starting it the more heartache and anguish you will put yourself through. Trust me.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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