# left by husband and came back



## Anna11

I'm 43 yrs old mother of 2 (16 & 12 yrs old) my husband who will be 42 this yr and I married for 18 yrs and he was my boyfriend for 5 yrs total 23 yrs together. We migrated here in Canada 15 yrs ago and had a good life with our respective careers. Dec 06 we had a vehiclel accident and i went into depression he then my husband with out me knowing he started to flirt with this woman in his office (older woman) As a busy mother and fulltime working my mind is occupied with work, kids, depression and other responsibilities. February 07 when my husband started to act differently, get upset easily with the kids and wanting stay out with friends which he never did before. he was always a good husband. He continued to make me feel horrible and trying to start a fight all the time until i cried one day and asking to help me with my depression because I thought it is me who's having a problem. I got hospitalized and believe me staying in the hospital is the best thing ever happened because I had a break from my nagging husband.
June, July 07 he started talking to me about his plan to try and live on his own as he never experienced that before, he is always with family and me after we got married. August 07 he left and rented an apartment with his promised that he will be with me and the kids everynight and will only leave when it's time for bed. and he even told me that he try only for 2 months. but the 2 months to 6 months to years. he lost his job Feb 09, no where to get money he was forced to live with his niece. It lasted him 8 months with no job and I was actually the one helped him get a job. paid for his luxury car while he is out of job as well. During the time he is on his own he hated me and telling people that i cheated on him make so many excuses to justify himself that he is right in leaving me and he talk to me about divorce so many times while I beg for him to comeback and even went down on my knee asking him to comeaback for the sake of my 2 kids. 17 months after he left I found this nice guy mature guy and we dated. May 2009 I had no idea that my husband and his mistress who is older, married with 2 adult kid, is already having an issue. The mistress is cheating on my husband and he caught her tru emails with this another guy. 
I then went to work at site and comes home thursday night and happily dating with this new man that I met. he loves my kids and my kids likes him as well. While my husband has no job he then offered to look after our kids at the time that im away for work. October 09 my husband and started to be nice to each other just civil relationship until I found out that he had a 2 yr affair with older woman which I thought they are just friends as my husband always tells me. It is unreal, because this mistress even made my husband and her husband to be friends and hangs out a lot in their house. So to make the story short, my husband and the other woman ended their affair with out proper talking and that makes my husband so upset and cursed her, while her husband divorced her.
Dec 09 my husband returned to us and lived at home, he wanted me to break up with my boyfriend and because I want the best for my kids I followed what he told me to do, That time then I got new assignment in town and quit my job at site. my ex boyfriend continued to talk to me and send gift, I love him, he is nice and loving and adores me. But I thought I could sacrifice that for the sake of my family specialy the kids. Being with my husband though this time makes me realized that my feeling with my husband is not the same anymore. Abandoning me and my kds for another woman is just too much to forget like that. I then reconciled with my boyfriend and when my husband found out he turned the table and put all the blame on me telling me that now he's back and I was the one who cheated. As in only 2 months after he came back he is accusing me of cheating on him, and those 2 months he's only with me on week ends as his job is 3 hrs away from home.
Again, I beg , cried and ask forgiveness if I hurt him. cried more and hurt I thought I ahd the family back until I realized I am not crying anymore and just hurt and angry of how he turned the table and put the blame on me. My kids only understand their dad is back but doesnt really understand how much hurt he caused me. Now he is trying to show to our kids that he is the good guy and I am the bad person. trying to agree with what the kids want and spoiling them to make them think that he's really nice to them.
I am hurt and angry and talking about divorced, as he always talks about that . I know that he is only doing that to find the easy way out as he is not really committed to this family. (by the way it runs in their family "cheaters')
Should I leave him for good and move on with my life? is there hope in this family for the sake of my kids? my heart and mind says "enough is enough" and by the way, my husband is a childish and never a man in the house. I do everything as in everything. and I know I can survive with my kids with out him as I make better money than him as well.
Please I need to from someone who had the same experience..thank you


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## Blanca

well, you're not going to like what i have to say, but here it goes anyway. 

When you became depressed over the car accident you likely pushed your H away. You said yourself he was a great husband before that. depressed people are incredible selfish and narrow minded. the world revolves around them and anyone not catering to their needs is evil. Your H more then likely did the right thing by leaving. Own up to your contribution to the dysfunction in your marriage.

He was wrong about having an affair if you two were still married. 

But you are having an affair. He didnt turn the tables on you. You're going to have to start being accountable for your own actions. You are married and seeing another man. that complicates things. im sure your H is hurt. Im not in any way negating that he also had an affair, which was wrong. but you'll have to start taking responsibility for your own actions. Until you are legally divorced your intentions with your bf are wrong. It is an affair. the fact that you call him your bf while you are married and vehemently deny any wrong doing is ludicrous. Own up to your contribution to the dysfunction in your relationship. 

Either get a divorce or end this nonsense with your bf.


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## Anna11

I am a happy contented wife and mother before, the accident made me upset. I tried my best to cope up but my h was pushing me away. reading a lot pf peoples experience here made me realize that when a w or h wanted to justify their action as correct they create a lot of stories and makes horrible comment about their spouse. the fact that I asked for help because i myself doesnt know it is depression and begging him to read more about depression he turned his back on me and he thought that the grass is greener on the other of the fence. when he lost his job, he lost the OW as well 19 months on their affair she cheated on him because he doesnt have anymore money to support her luxury, i end paying my h expenses and 9 month of no job I was the one who helped him get a job. the day after he left he told me to move on get a bf and to the bar to get one, I maintened my compusure and dignity stayed single accepted all the responsibility of mother, income earner, the household works and my fulltime stressful job in engineering. 17 months after he left and I was forced to move on because he came to me to tell me his decision is final to divorce me because i phoned his AW husband. he is scared because they good friends and my h asked me where is my respect. after 2 suicide attempts. I had enough. I waited for him to file but he never did, he gave me all the bs but his scared to do it. I know it is wrong to go into relationship but in my opinion it is more horrible if i went into relationship while my h is faithful and good person to me. what i forget to mention in my post is, my h is a boyish type of guy, brat and wont try to do more, while I do everything, i never thought there are guys out there who can do things their w like my bf now.if there is something to fix at home be carpentry or paper works..sure its me, if there is anything to decide or for the kids to discipline...of course thats me because he doesnt want any responsibility but if there is anything to buy luxury car or motorbike or anything for enjoyment of course he's number one, who makes better money , of course it's me, i asked him to look for other high paying job, he said i should get a part time aside from my full time job. to me saying he's good before, in my culture being good is someone who doesnt hit physically or no verbal abuse. Why condemn a wife whos husband abandoned her and her kids for AW and have bf after 17 months of being alone, when there are millions of h & w who cheats on their spouse (like my h) while they are together and happy? I consulted my counselor about having a bf, i asked lots of friends and nobody had said it is an affair, he abandoned me, left....yes he came back, he had no choice because he no where to go, no money but it hurts to hear from him that he was advised to go back rather than a voluntary coming back because he loves me still. i got him job last yr oct and his work is 3 hrs away, he comes home only on fridays and leave again on sunday...he came back to the family last dec 09, do you think that Feb of this is enough time for him to make up all the time loss? do you think i have moved on and forget what he had done? as my daughter says, he only had 18 days on being with us and his acting very arrogant and be the boss already?
while my bf, i call him bf but in fact we have agreed that he will wait until im clear and then go ahead with our relationship i don't call him OM because i never consider him as OM he is too nice and I can't accept that because I never cheated on my h my kids and friends are aware and theyre happy for me, OM or OW is only for those who hide the relationship....he will wauit until im free and marry


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