# My Husband's Best Friend response to my Mother in law



## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

I feel like my life is part of a lifetime movie production.

My mother in law called to inform that she has spoken to Chris and she has to say that maybe I am blowing everything out of proportion. Apparently Chris denied having any interest in me (surprise) and reminded her that I am a very sensitive person. She said she reminded him of the two instances I shared earlier and he said he can't even remember ever doing it but if he is doing anything to make me uncomfortable he would do his best to stop. He also told her that if he was ever in the business of cheating on his wife it would be with her or one of her beautiful daughters (she fondly chuckled at that). 

I asked her what she meant earlier about noticing his growing affections towards me, she explained that in retrospect it really is nothing. When I pushed she said that his eyes were always following me, which she explained off as that could be because of my inability to sit still (which is a truth I can't sit still for too long periods of time). 
And that he always positions his seat opposite me, which again she said is nothing referring to the fact that I always take the end of the table because I am left handed, and that he too might have his own seating preferences. 

I can't say honestly that I have ever noticed any of her observation but it does feel that whenever Chris is around he is always in my face without being in my face (I can't explain it). She even added that maybe I should think about having another baby (don't even want to exam that comment). 

I have resigned from it all. I told my husband that if he wanted to stay at Chris' for the summer that is fine with me and Chris can come around as he likes. He said he was happy that his mother was able to talk some sense into me. He also told me that Chris called him while i was speaking to my MIL to talk about his 40th birthday in June. And Chris will be coming home to celebrate his big day with him. 

This morning I woke up to a message from Chris all it had was a smiley face. I didn't even bother to show my husband. I am finished. I am really exhausted at this moment. 

Que sera sera.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

sunshinie said:


> I feel like my life is part of a lifetime movie production.
> 
> My mother in law called to inform that she has spoken to Chris and she has to say that maybe I am blowing everything out of proportion. Apparently Chris denied having any interest in me (surprise) and reminded her that I am a very sensitive person. She said she reminded him of the two instances I shared earlier and he said he can't even remember ever doing it but if he is doing anything to make me uncomfortable he would do his best to stop. He also told her that if he was ever in the business of cheating on his wife it would be with her or one of her beautiful daughters (she fondly chuckled at that).
> 
> ...


It sounds like Chris IS messing with you - for whatever reason! He can only get to you if you let him! I think you are smart to totally let this go! Ignore him, block him from your phone or however he is messaging you! Be respectfully polite around him, but don't show any interest in him or what he does! Don't talk to him, other than to be polite. Let him be your husbands annoying friend that you tolerate for your husband's sake. He will tire of his game if you don't play along!!!


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

How is it any of your MIL's concern?

I don't understand how she got involved. 

As for Chris and your husband... ENFORCE THE BOUNDARY.

Every time your husband ignores your concerns and support Chris, he is choosing a friend over the marriage. 

Make sure he sees and feels this.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

This guy likes to mess with people's heads. Once he knows he has your attention he'll just try to get more and more outrageous. He won't stop and will probably get more and more inappropriate. It obviously doesn't make anyone else uncomfortable...even your MIL. The main thing is that he makes you uncomfortable and if your H won't do anything about it, shame on him. If you say that you aren't going on the vacation and spending time in his house, you are well within your rights to do so.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Hmmmm, maybe respond to Chris's texts in a friendly manner. When Chris is around, make it seem like your husband isn't even around, after all, his doing nothing is allowing this to escalate. When your husband notices only Chris matters, tell your husband why do you have a problem now? I expressed my concerns and you felt nothing should be done, well that's how I feel now. Now let me get back to Chris, I don't want to miss anything. Just my opinion, but when vulnerability falls on deaf ears you make a statement that is deafening.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

drifting on said:


> Hmmmm, maybe respond to Chris's texts in a friendly manner. When Chris is around, make it seem like your husband isn't even around, after all, his doing nothing is allowing this to escalate. When your husband notices only Chris matters, tell your husband why do you have a problem now? I expressed my concerns and you felt nothing should be done, well that's how I feel now. Now let me get back to Chris, I don't want to miss anything. Just my opinion, but when vulnerability falls on deaf ears you make a statement that is deafening.


This might actually be a good way to handle this situation. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

TX-SC said:


> This might actually be a good way to handle this situation.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


This is how I used to get rid of girlfriends friends who hung around too much.On the odd occasion that we would be on our own I would ask "where's x,is she not around today,pity because she's great fun"Worked every time.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

TX-SC said:


> This might actually be a good way to handle this situation.
> 
> Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


Agree. Kill Chris with kindness, so to speak. Go out of your way to be kind and friendly, no matter what kind of jerkoff comments he makes.

Pretty soon (when he realizes he's no longer getting under your skin) you'll be beating him at his own mindgames -- he'll be the one saying to himself, "WTF??"


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## Jo3163 (Apr 17, 2017)

I'm beginning to think that there are more bi-sexual and/or in-closet gay married men that I ever imagined. Whenever I try to get my husband to stay home on a Saturday, he pouts like a teenage girl who can't see her boyfriend. When I play along and let him go over to his bro's every Saturday where the toxic friend is, I'm the best wifey-poo in the universe.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

sunshinie said:


> I feel like my life is part of a lifetime movie production.
> 
> My mother in law called to inform that she has spoken to Chris and she has to say that maybe I am blowing everything out of proportion. Apparently Chris denied having any interest in me (surprise) and reminded her that I am a very sensitive person. She said she reminded him of the two instances I shared earlier and he said he can't even remember ever doing it but if he is doing anything to make me uncomfortable he would do his best to stop. He also told her that if he was ever in the business of cheating on his wife it would be with her or one of her beautiful daughters (she fondly chuckled at that).
> 
> ...


Wow, I can't believe your husband didn't flip out over you getting your MIL involved! What grown man wants his mom getting involved in his business? I guess I owe manwithnoname a dollar. lol

As for this Chris guys flippant response with the smiley face you have to think he's just baiting you and knows perfectly well he has been pushing the boundaries. Does he know you didn't like him in the beginning? Maybe his goal is to cause you discomfort because he feels he needs to get back at you. He is probably telling your husband and MIL you're just making things up because you have never liked him and want him out of your husbands life. You should definitely block any way he can contact you, and you should show your husband the smiley face text as another example of Chris being a ****. Of coarse they will all say he was just trying to say "no hard feelings".


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I wouldn't "kill him with kindness" -- just ignore him. Now that you know that he watches you, and positions himself in certain ways, when he does, just move... He sounds like EITHER he really does like you and is mind****ing everyone else, OR he's the type that likes to get under your skin just to irritate the hell out of you because YOU have your husband which limits their time together.

I WOULDN'T be overly friendly -- honestly is sounds like your husband a) wouldn't notice it unless you were naked and sitting in his lap and b) he'd just be happy "gee it's great you are getting along better".

BTW, DEF block him. Why does he need to text YOU at all? Block him from FB and any other way for him to get to you electronically.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

The guy might be interested in (sleeping with) you and taking advantage of everyone's trust (ignorance) in him to try to get you in his trap. 

In my first marriage, my husband's childhood bf was subtly hitting on me, and my husband thought I was just imagining things. The custom in the country we lived in was to touch cheeks and kiss the air when you greeted each other, or said goodbye. His friend would press his lips on my cheek and let them linger. He would also hug me just a little too long, and press his body to mine, which was definitely not the custom. It creeped me out and I told my husband. He said, "Oh don't worry about him, he has sisters and is comfortable around women.

Fast forward 2 years, and the guy made his real move, that there was no way to explain away. Now he and my ex are not friends anymore because of it, and I am rid of the husband who put his friend above me during the marriage. Ex lost his bf, and he lost me.

Stay away from Chris, and keep the high ground. Scorn him as if he were a worthless peon, not worth your attention.

Above all, protect yourself.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Also, after the bf made his real move on me, and I made it clear to him that I was not interested in having an A with him, he began talking about me to my ex behind my back, trying to convince him that I was not to be trusted.

Any friend who hits on their friend's spouse is a scum bag, and is not a friend of the marriage. You need to make your husband aware of everything, and that even your MIL notices what is going on before you look like you are complicit.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

drifting on said:


> Hmmmm, maybe respond to Chris's texts in a friendly manner. When Chris is around, make it seem like your husband isn't even around, after all, his doing nothing is allowing this to escalate. When your husband notices only Chris matters, tell your husband why do you have a problem now? I expressed my concerns and you felt nothing should be done, well that's how I feel now. Now let me get back to Chris, I don't want to miss anything. Just my opinion, but when vulnerability falls on deaf ears you make a statement that is deafening.


...or you might want to come on strong to mess with HIS head a little. Flirt with him a little since your H and your MIL have no problem with it. You might be amazed at how much Chris won't know what to do. Guys like him never know what to do when a woman finally calls their bluff.


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## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

It is difficult to explain ones life in few sentences so as not to be misunderstood. I will try to explain. My husband is not the kind of man you trifle with, there is a boundary I wouldn't dare cross with him. Causally flirting or paying attention to Chris is one of them, not only would there be hell to pay but it would be a great embarrassment to him. And I would never put him in that position, even at the expense of my hurt feelings. 

Also, I have been kind to Chris that is what I think has gotten me into this whole situation. I had actually let my guard down and really taken to a real friendship with him. When I first noticed his behavior I started ignoring him, and I still do, I usually just tell my husband about it.

Not going on vacation is not an option because my husband said I have to go, and there is no other discussion on it. It would be hard for some to understand but it is our way, our men are our head and they make the final decisions. 

When his wife is around Chris is usually well behaved, too bad she is hardly ever around. Their relationship is hard to decipher, they are hardly ever together and Chris spend most of his time traveling alone, sometimes even vacationing by himself. Can't believe I used to feel sorry for him. 

I'll continue to ignore him, stop talking to my husband about it, three weeks is enough time to kill a dead horse. And maybe just maybe Chris will get bored and move onto mind raping another of his friends' wives.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

sunshinie said:


> It is difficult to explain ones life in few sentences so as not to be misunderstood. I will try to explain. My husband is not the kind of man you trifle with, there is a boundary I wouldn't dare cross with him. Causally flirting or paying attention to Chris is one of them, not only would there be hell to pay but it would be a great embarrassment to him. And I would never put him in that position, even at the expense of my hurt feelings.
> 
> Also, I have been kind to Chris that is what I think has gotten me into this whole situation. I had actually let my guard down and really taken to a real friendship with him. When I first noticed his behavior I started ignoring him, and I still do, I usually just tell my husband about it.
> 
> ...




If what you wrote is really true, then Chris trifling with your husband would have your husband in a very stern conversation with Chris. But alas, your husband is only being tough to you, not a man, because he is scared. You see sunshinie, a man that can't confront and place any saboteur to his family is not a man at all. Chris has definitely overstepped his bounds, your husband knows this, but crawled into the turtle position when you called him out. Now that your husband hasn't confronted Chris he looks weak in your eyes, so he gets tough on you, not the person who caused this to begin with. He is trying to save face, and now I hope you do flirt with Chris, and if your husband has a problem with it so be it. Tell him to go rent a set and confront Chris that he is not to mind rape you as you say. If your husband gets tough with you tell Chris, maybe he will confront your husband if you can get him out of the turtle position.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Something tells me this guy does this with every woman he meets.


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## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

drifting on said:


> If what you wrote is really true, then Chris trifling with your husband would have your husband in a very stern conversation with Chris. But alas, your husband is only being tough to you, not a man, because he is scared. You see sunshinie, a man that can't confront and place any saboteur to his family is not a man at all. Chris has definitely overstepped his bounds, your husband knows this, but crawled into the turtle position when you called him out. Now that your husband hasn't confronted Chris he looks weak in your eyes, so he gets tough on you, not the person who caused this to begin with. He is trying to save face, and now I hope you do flirt with Chris, and if your husband has a problem with it so be it. Tell him to go rent a set and confront Chris that he is not to mind rape you as you say. If your husband gets tough with you tell Chris, maybe he will confront your husband if you can get him out of the turtle position.


My husband, Sir or madam, is not a coward. A new perspective on the situation for me, is that I have no real proof, as Chris has never spoken to me directly, it is just a feeling that I have. Feelings are not proof enough for a confrontation in the face of a more that a 2 1/2 decade friendship. I trust, that if anything does happen that my husband will do what has to be done. Over the pass few days I have come to realize and understand the position he is in, and I have moved on from it. As everyone has advised, ignore Chris and reject any advances he makes, if he makes them. My husband is one of the bravest men I know, and this is not just words but from actions, in the times he has protected both me and my son. Once he shoved a crowd of people that was pushing at us and I almost fell in the river, another time he spent 3 days in the lock up for beating a guy up for grabbing at me. This problem is not an issue of a stranger making me uncomfortable, this is a brother, someone that he went much with. So it have to handled with some measure of finesse. I has decided to trust him and the decision he has made. And not make things anymore difficult him than it has to be.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

sunshinie said:


> This morning I woke up to a message from Chris all it had was a smiley face.


Why does this man have your number anyway? I have exactly zero of my W girlfriends numbers. My W has exact zero of my male friends numbers. No need for it. Dump the number.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

sunshinie said:


> My husband, Sir or madam, is not a coward. A new perspective on the situation for me, is that I have no real proof, as Chris has never spoken to me directly, it is just a feeling that I have. Feelings are not proof enough for a confrontation in the face of a more that a 2 1/2 decade friendship. I trust, that if anything does happen that my husband will do what has to be done. Over the pass few days I have come to realize and understand the position he is in, and I have moved on from it. As everyone has advised, ignore Chris and reject any advances he makes, if he makes them. My husband is one of the bravest men I know, and this is not just words but from actions, in the times he has protected both me and my son. Once he shoved a crowd of people that was pushing at us and I almost fell in the river, another time he spent 3 days in the lock up for beating a guy up for grabbing at me. This problem is not an issue of a stranger making me uncomfortable, this is a brother, someone that he went much with. So it have to handled with some measure of finesse. I has decided to trust him and the decision he has made. And not make things anymore difficult him than it has to be.




My post was not to say your husband is a coward, but Chris has made comments describing you to a tee while saying he is describing someone else. This was done directly in front of your husband. Even you said the person Chris described didn't have a birthmark or some other noticeable Mark that you did have. This clearly shows that Chris has no respect for your husband nor you, and as badass as you describe your husband, Chris called him on it. Your husband did nothing, your anger should be on your husband. 

I'm sorry that you seemed to have taken offense to my post, it wasn't posted to offend. It was to show you that Chris is calling out your husband, even went to your husbands mother, and what has your husband done? Brother, good friend, whatever you wish to describe him as, your husband should be listening to you and talking to Chris to find out Chris's exact meaning. Your husband should be asking Chris who he was describing when in fact he described you to a tee. But your husband has done nothing. Finesse? When someone describes my wife as Chris described you, I would be talking to that person sternly, your husband made the choice to remain quiet. That's not on me, it's falls squarely on your husband. 

As for the Internet tough guy no ado you describe your husband with, I haven't the time or patience to describe what I go through in a day. Best of luck to you.

ETA: I am a male.


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## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

drifting on said:


> My post was not to say your husband is a coward, but Chris has made comments describing you to a tee while saying he is describing someone else. This was done directly in front of your husband. Even you said the person Chris described didn't have a birthmark or some other noticeable Mark that you did have. This clearly shows that Chris has no respect for your husband nor you, and as badass as you describe your husband, Chris called him on it. Your husband did nothing, your anger should be on your husband.
> 
> I'm sorry that you seemed to have taken offense to my post, it wasn't posted to offend. It was to show you that Chris is calling out your husband, even went to your husbands mother, and what has your husband done? Brother, good friend, whatever you wish to describe him as, your husband should be listening to you and talking to Chris to find out Chris's exact meaning. Your husband should be asking Chris who he was describing when in fact he described you to a tee. But your husband has done nothing. Finesse? When someone describes my wife as Chris described you, I would be talking to that person sternly, your husband made the choice to remain quiet. That's not on me, it's falls squarely on your husband.
> 
> ...


I have a great regret and I completely shoulder the responsibility of it. I was looking to vent that day, searching online for a place to do just that and I found this site and registered right away, so as to selfishly rant and rage over my situation. My regret now is that I have exposed my husband to such harsh criticisms from persons who don't know what a stand up person he is. A family man who is loving and kind and protective of his family. This is someone I greatly respect and love dearly. He is someone that has fought for us from the very beginning of our relationship, you see we are an interracial couple, whose differences does not end there. We have completely different cultures and religious beliefs. Which in his, is a complete disgrace to be with me. It is something his people describe as "nasty-ing the blood". But yet through all that he didn't give up on us. He spent many a days convincing me why we should stay together. And that part of his character, to me, is stronger than any fist fight he would have gotten into. Also, he is not an "internet bad ass", he is not out picking fights and kicking ass. I am not married to a professional wrestler or MMA fighter, I am married to an everyday professional guy with exceptional commitment to me and our family. 

I keep stating this behavior is so out of character for him, I didn't understand why at the time he was acting that way but now that he has explained it all, I am even more ashamed of what I have done to him here in this forum. I should have just been patient and wait on him to explain things to me as he always does. And now that he has, well.... 

You are right I don't know what your daily life is like and I am sorry for miss interpreting the meaning of your post. Thanks for your point of view.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Sunshinie

I do not have a problem with you or your husband. That said I was trying to point out a weakness that was apparent to me, and that is, Chris does not appear to respect you, your husband, nor your marriage. I would not do as Chris has, if a friend of mine did this, they would have a talking to and the friendship in peril. That's me, I also protect my family without going out looking for fights. 

I can only give input from what you post, nothing more, and then try to give a perception that I see from what you wrote. I do not see how you have done anything to him, his explanation should have come when you were vulnerable with your feelings to him. You got upset because your vulnerability was discarded by your husband until he later explained himself and his decisions. 

Something to keep in mind though, if Chris doesn't behave this way with his wife around, why do you think that is? And what is your husbands response to that?


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## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

drifting on said:


> Sunshinie
> 
> I do not have a problem with you or your husband. That said I was trying to point out a weakness that was apparent to me, and that is, Chris does not appear to respect you, your husband, nor your marriage. I would not do as Chris has, if a friend of mine did this, they would have a talking to and the friendship in peril. That's me, I also protect my family without going out looking for fights.
> 
> ...


I wasn't going to get into to but I might as clear the air and I swear i swear I didn't make this stuff up. My husband apparently has been living with unwarranted guilt for past few years. Well our entire relationship apparently. I am still kind of wrapping my brain around it because he only told everything last night. 

He said that Chris was very attracted to me during college. Apparently enough so to want to break up with his then girlfriend in order to date me. But as fate would have it, I despised the guy. This apparently made Chris hold back a bit but on what my husband said, only to change gears in getting to me. However around the same time he got through with a scholarship to study overseas and that was when he left. 
My husband and I became friends after that and from there things grew. He said that he and Chris spoke often, and Chris would always ask about me but he always avoided the question and never told him that he and I were dating. I am not too sure about the time line here but Chris met up with a mutual friend of theirs few years later and the guy told him that my husband and I were dating. Chris apparently was pissed. They had a falling out and had not spoken for almost two years. I didn't even know all of this was happening. 
But that would explain why Chris was not at our wedding, and the fact that he is not our son's god father (I feel like such a dummy for not noticing this). 
Anyway, they made up sometime later, and Chris said he that he was over it and was glad that at least one of them got the girl. My husband said that he felt bad about what he did knowing that Chris had strong feelings for me but he would do it again in a heartbeat.

My take on it is that maybe Chris seeing us together, after I ignorantly invited him in, (and us being one of those grossly happy couples) is thinking that it should have been him? I don't know. As I mentioned before he and his wife are never really together and that is all year round. He has no biological children, and although his career is booming he has no real family life. I am still trying to figure it out. 

All of their mutual friends, like my husband, have their young families, all of our kids are around the same age. We all relatively have the same standard of living. And Chris is the only one that is the odd man, especially when he is here and we have family outings together. This is my making assumptions. 

And my husband apparently is going through his bout of guilt again but I told him that he shouldn't because I never liked Chris, I doubt i would have started a relationship back then with him. And even if I did, who is say that we would still be together. Anyways working on trying to make him feel better. 

I guess Chris being an ass was more to rib at my husband than at me. Knowing what I know now, my focus is to protect my husband from his unwarranted guilt and the next time Chris does cross the line I will deal with him myself.

We didn't get around to vacation discussion as yet, but I find myself wanting to go and stay and Chris' and rub our relationship and our family in his stupid ass face. Maybe i'll change my mind in a few days. But as of today not right now.


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## sunshinie (Apr 18, 2017)

drifting on said:


> Sunshinie
> 
> I do not have a problem with you or your husband. That said I was trying to point out a weakness that was apparent to me, and that is, Chris does not appear to respect you, your husband, nor your marriage. I would not do as Chris has, if a friend of mine did this, they would have a talking to and the friendship in peril. That's me, I also protect my family without going out looking for fights.
> 
> ...


I wasn't going to get into to but I might as clear the air and I swear I didn't make this stuff up. My husband apparently has been living with unwarranted guilt for past few years. Well our entire relationship apparently. I am still kind of wrapping my brain around it because he only told everything last night. 

He said that Chris was very attracted to me during college. Apparently enough so to want to break up with his then girlfriend in order to date me. But as fate would have it, I despised the guy. This apparently made Chris hold back a bit but on what my husband said, only to change gears in getting to me. However around the same time he got through with a scholarship to study overseas and that was when he left. 
My husband and I became friends after that and from there things grew. He said that he and Chris spoke often, and Chris would always ask about me but he always avoided the question and never told him that he and I were dating. I am not too sure about the time line here but Chris met up with a mutual friend of theirs few years later and the guy told him that my husband and I were dating. Chris apparently was pissed. They had a falling out and had not spoken for almost two years. I didn't even know all of this was happening. 
But that would explain why Chris was not at our wedding, and the fact that he is not our son's god father (I feel like such a dummy for not noticing this). 
Anyway, they made up sometime later, and Chris said he that he was over it and was glad that at least one of them got the girl. My husband said that he felt bad about what he did knowing that Chris had strong feelings for me but he would do it again in a heartbeat.

My take on it is that maybe Chris seeing us together, after I ignorantly invited him in, (and us being one of those grossly happy couples) is thinking that it should have been him? I don't know. As I mentioned before he and his wife are never really together and that is all year round. He has no biological children, and although his career is booming he has no real family life. I am still trying to figure it out. 

All of their mutual friends, like my husband, have their young families, all of our kids are around the same age. We all relatively have the same standard of living. And Chris is the only one that is the odd man, especially when he is here and we have family outings together. This is my making assumptions. 

And my husband apparently is going through his bout of guilt again but I told him that he shouldn't because I never liked Chris, I doubt i would have started a relationship back then with him. And even if I did, who is say that we would still be together. Anyways working on trying to make him feel better. 

I guess Chris being an ass was more to rib at my husband than at me. Knowing what I know now, my focus is to protect my husband from his unwarranted guilt and the next time Chris does cross the line I will deal with him myself.

We didn't get around to vacation discussion as yet, but I find myself wanting to go and stay and Chris' and rub our relationship and our family in his stupid ass face. Maybe i'll change my mind in a few days. But as of today not right now.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Trust your gut....


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Trust your gut....




Quoted for truth Sunshinie!!


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