# No sex for the weary, even on my birthday....



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

My birthday was a week ago and we had a pre celebration with my kids and my mom the night before where my husband got me 2 books. I thought after dropping my kids at school being a snow day, when everyone went hom early, I would arraive home to my husband with some birthday surprise (since I had gone way out of my way on his birthday a few months ago). WHat happened? He went to work, and gym and came home and put up a light fixture... I began drinking wine about 4pm to try to give him a hint to stop, and suggested he might do that tomorrow, not my birthday. So he was all finished up by 6pmish... and ready to hang out. I was ready to go to sleep! I tried to keep a bight face the whole time, but by the end of it he hinted at just going to sleep and I lost it... I slipped up on my quest to be non-expecting of him in any manner. I just simply stated it was my birthday and was there ever a point in his day when he thought to himself "what would she like today?" Nope. No sex for my birthday. It took a good week to get over that not because we didnt have sex, but because he couldnt just do something outside his normal schedule, something that he knows I would like, just on that one day. 

Just needed to vent. Well God is giving me what I asked for which was to not desire sex so much with my husband... each time he does this I want it with him less and less. SO as I said in my other post, Im going upstairs to help myself out:smthumbup:


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Your husband is crazy.


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## Millania007 (Nov 16, 2009)

AW Toolate I am sorry to hear this  how often does he initate per week? do you have a normal sex life? Do you both initiate 50/50? Just curious 
I Hope you 2 can work something out so that sex can become a balanced part of your life


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i have been through similar, things have really changed for us (wife and I) since we had a very serious argument/discussion on what we need from each other and what would happen if neither of us provide it. we discussed what causes the resentment in our marriage and it was eye opening for both of us. it took along time to get all this out in the open but it was liberating. our sex life has drastically improved over the past few months since that discussion.

it sounds like you need to have a similar discussion.


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

You all know me as Choose2love!! I had to change my screen name because husband was reading my posts even though he said he did not want to, he couldnt help himself.

Okey... I must have missed something in the last month... things are going well? That's great!

As for everyone else... husband and I used to have sexx frequently beofre getting engaged. After getting engaged, I found out about about him emailing with his ex-girlfriend. She had posted an inapropriate post on his FB wall as well a few months prior. I trusted him... but he wasnt able to see he had crossed a line ultimately. Anyway, he promised we would have more sex again once we got married, and that's when it really took a nose dive. He then confessed to punishing me by withholding sex. I then took matters into my own hands and started going down on him as he had said that if I did that I would get sex. I got sex, but then he wouldnt initiate with me... stating if you want it come and get it. 

His revelation to me is this... he is not romantic, does not get turned on (only gets into the mood when the mood strikes him for whatever reason), if sex were only about him and not about my pleasure or orgasm... we would have it all the time. Can you believe he said that?

Where Im at is at a place of complete loss. I now understand that I am married to a man who is so fing hot and doenst like to be touched... by anyone. I will not see romance, I will not see myself getting to live out my fantasies with my partner. I will have to go day to day wondering if he is going to f me or not and know that my pleasure is not going to be considered. I will probably end up in an affair someday if one presents itself to me as I cannot live like this forever... besides that I will wish for an early death for either of us... till death do us part.

I got myself into this and until and unless I am in a position to extract myself without further hurting my kids, Im here to stay. SO instead of brooding, Im going to give up. Last night was my first night of ever just laying there motionless while he f-ed me. I hope he gets used to it... at one point he said that I could put my hands on his back or something... oh really? Like I should give a sh!t about you when you have fully declared a non-interest in my pleasure! Last night before he bagen he asked me to help get him "up" so he could donate the sperm... I sheepishly and quietly asked will you help me out after? Then, retracted when he slammed his palm on his forhead and said Oh My God! out of disbelief that I even asked that.... that is why I laid there motionless without any enjoyment... and will continue to do this as long as required until he 1) leaves me or 2) wakes up and realizes what he has done to us.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

toolate said:


> Okey... I must have missed something in the last month... things are going well? That's great!
> .


i find that when things are going good, i dont post here much. no longer need the advice that has helped me get here. as always, i hope you find some answers, you deserve it kid


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## Minncouple (Sep 9, 2009)

First, not a frequent poster here, but wanted to repsond.

I feel for you big time, and certainly understand how you feel. My wife is alot like you husband and it has killed our marriage.

I am the last thing on her list of priorities and and have come to a few conclusions, painfully over the last year.

1) She is simply not a sensual/sexual being.
2) Or, I am not the guy that brings it out in her.

It's that simple. There isn't a day that goes by that I dont wish I had never married her or night that goes by that I dont wake at 2am and dwell on my situation and get more depressed. Last week, after a certain situation with the bride I went to bed praying god would just take me that night. If not for my dogs, I would care.

It really kills you inside to be with someone like this. As far as you just laying there during sex, I actually need cialis as I have lost that much interest in her. I would rather handle my own urges than be with her. When we are together, I do all the work. It's really like a chore to me, almost taking out the garbage or something.

Enough with the downers, her is what works for me. I found passion in hobby, the hobby isn't important, but allowing yourself to have passion for something is and that is what get's me through each day. Having joy and passion of anything can help.

Not much help, but wanted to let you know I understand.


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## K8_astrophy (Feb 18, 2010)

Wow, this is depressing  

Marriage is useless unless both partners are willing to work at it! Don't be miserable, you don't deserve to be treated so selfishly. If divorce isn't the answer. Then build yourself up to not need him. Makeover, hobbies, friends, independent vacations. Maybe he will start missing you when you are no longer available?


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