# Should I confront him?



## waynenewton (Jan 13, 2012)

I'm starting to question whether my wife is cheating on me with a guy that she works with. We've been having some relationship issues and she swears that there isn't somebody else, but I've seen them communicating a lot via facebook and twitter, which I know is not completley out of the norm. He is quite a bit younger than her, but I'm still questioning it. My wife works in a small office so I know everybody and often see them all. I've considered flat out confronting him and threatening him but I don't know if it's worth it or if it will cause problems. What do you think?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is she using a shared computer at home to communicate with him? Why not put a key stroke tracker on the computer to find out what is going on. Without you having solid evidence she will lie. That's that normal response of cheaters.

If she's not cheating and you accuse her it will hurt her badly.

So getting evidence is the best thing to do.

If you think they are seeing each other, putting a voice activated recorder (VAR) in her car could get some conversation if they are in her car together.

How about her cell phone. Have you looked at the call records and texts?

If you accuse her now and something is going on she will lie and they will work harder to hide it.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I think that threatening and warning him is useless. He'll likely laugh off your empty threats, and if your wife does have something going on, they'll just learn to hide it better.

Your problem isn't with him, in any case. HE didn't exchange any vows with you (I doubt)... Your wife did. And even if you did manage to scare one guy away, there's plenty of other guys waiting to step up if she's interested. So it's HER behavior that needs to change, assuming there's something going on.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

PBear said:


> I think that threatening and warning him is useless. He'll likely laugh off your empty threats, and if your wife does have something going on, they'll just learn to hide it better.
> 
> Your problem isn't with him, in any case. HE didn't exchange any vows with you (I doubt)... Your wife did. And even if you did manage to scare one guy away, there's plenty of other guys waiting to step up if she's interested. So it's HER behavior that needs to change, assuming there's something going on.
> 
> ...


this


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Confronting the OM is pretty much everytime completely worthless.

In fact it often does more harm than good.

So don't bother. However, DO put a keylogger on your home PC, and do find out if he's got a GF.


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## cowgirl70 (Aug 10, 2011)

I would keep my gaurd up make sure you have proof!! Before confronting!!! And in the mean time try and be as loving and attentive to her needs!! Don't give her a reason to want him make her remember why she has you!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

cowgirl70 said:


> I would keep my gaurd up make sure you have proof!! Before confronting!!! And in the mean time try and be as loving and attentive to her needs!! Don't give her a reason to want him make her remember why she has you!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Dont show you are suspecting and alert her. This will make her do more concealing. Try: (1) key-logger, (2) VAR, (3) mobile phone monitoring.

Now you must act normal, if not better. Look for more clues and evidences. Keep a journal of what she says and what she actually does.

Start taking more care of yourself. Do good exercises, hobbies. It looks like the start of EA. But you need to wait.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Be absolutely sure to have enough rock solid evidence before confronting her.

You will soon enough find that her reaction may be: Deny, deny, deny - oh, you have proof... - damage control, damage control and then blame shifting.

I had that experience my self over and over.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

And start reading here:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html


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## mai (Jan 16, 2012)

Signs of cheating are a mere indication of the possibility of something being wrong in a relationship. There is no point in being obsessed about the signs and lose sleep over it. Unless you have collected sufficient conclusive evidence to prove that your partner is indeed cheating infidelity cannot be established.

Why confront him why not your wife- you should have problem with her having an affair not the other way around






waynenewton said:


> I'm starting to question whether my wife is cheating on me with a guy that she works with. We've been having some relationship issues and she swears that there isn't somebody else, but I've seen them communicating a lot via facebook and twitter, which I know is not completley out of the norm. He is quite a bit younger than her, but I'm still questioning it. My wife works in a small office so I know everybody and often see them all. I've considered flat out confronting him and threatening him but I don't know if it's worth it or if it will cause problems. What do you think?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm with the crowd that thinks you need undenielable evidence that you can be specific to both the OM and your W.

Never reveal your source but with the right specific. they will know you know, but won't know how. 

So before you confront, investigate further, with a keylogger and VAR(planted in the car). If you have the dough hire a PI. Alot of this crap happens during the lunch hour, and having this "tool" to investigate them during work hours is worth the cost.

Even if its just at the EA stage and it hasn't gone PA a PI can confirm the amount of time they have lunch together and how often.

But it is a most to plant the VAR in her car.


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