# How often do newly weds have sex? Am I missing something?



## LaurynMcvities77 (17 d ago)

My husband and have been married for 6 months and sexually it’s been a rocky journey 
For the first three months of being married we only had sex 2ce. After I flagged that it’s a problem for me we started using an app called Blueheart which had helped us learn about each other’s sex accelerators, brakes, explore our sexual history, etc. 
however, 3 months into using this app, we only have sex 2ce a month 
I find myself masturbating more as a married woman than I was when I was single.
My husband doesn’t have a high sex drive at all and doesn’t see anything wrong with the frequency of our sexual interactions 
I don’t think 2ce a month id good enough at all
I know he loves me but I struggle with feeling desired 
I’m feeling frustrated and I don’t want to take it out on my husband as I know he’s having a really hard time at work and he says he feels there’s a pressure to have sex more often which throws him off even more 
I don’t know what to do 😭
Any advice would be appreciated


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

How old are you guys? How long were you together before getting married, and did he ever want sex more than this?

Because if he's always been low drive, I am not sure why you would marry him and expect his sex drive to change, that never happens. You get the person he was when you married him.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

There’s a post on here from yesterday (I think) from a woman that started just like this. It’s title is: Advice please for a sexless and getting hopeless relationship. It’s just a few posts down under this one. They’ve been together 18 years. Completely sexless now. And mostly always. Try to find it. It’s your future . Did you two not have sex before you got married? Did you not know this about him? I would say that as an engaged and newly married couple it was probably 4-6 times a week. Twice a month is definitely not in the realm of normal. I’ve never known a man in real life that didn’t have a sex drive. So he’s either gay or asexual, or there’s a medical issue. Does he enjoy it when you do it?


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## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

I’ve been married over 20 years, my wife is 5-6 per week, I’m fine with once a week, so we compromise to 2 or 3 times per week. I wouldn’t worry about how many times newlyweds or any other couple are active, but what works for you.

Sounds like you have a higher drive, but stressors like work and kids, money, health, etc can all wreck havoc with drive. Your spouse sounds stressed about work.

Here’s a tip that has worked for my wife and I. Go to bed on time, keep your bedroom free of stressful topics, and go to bed without clothes on and cuddle. Just ask your spouse to try this as a way to feel closer and intimate, no pressure to have sex. You may find your need for more sex to be satisfied by this, and you may also find you have sex twice as much as you so now. You’ll also sleep better and feel closer. The idea is getting your husband into a relaxed state that focuses on the senses, and out of the mental mind game of thinking about stressful things.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Newly weds having sex twice a month? What the H is your sex life going to be like after 20 years and a couple of kids? At this stage of your marriage, you should be going at it like bunnies.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Erm the first six months of marriage more like 2-3x a day.

So yeah… sounds like you have a dud on your hands.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

OP, you’re in basically a sexless marriage. 

I can tell you with complete confidence that work pressure, nuclear disasters, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions, or whatever else you can think of—- wouldn’t slow down a guy that WANTED to have sex with his wife.

Why are you finding this a problem after the marriage, rather than before? Did you wait until marriage to have sex? If so, now you know. This problem is not going to get fixed.
Either he is asexual or he’s gay and using you for a beard. Twice a month for newlyweds—- highly unusual.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

LaurynMcvities77 said:


> My husband and have been married for 6 months and sexually it’s been a rocky journey
> For the first three months of being married we only had sex 2ce. After I flagged that it’s a problem for me we started using an app called Blueheart which had helped us learn about each other’s sex accelerators, brakes, explore our sexual history, etc.
> however, 3 months into using this app, we only have sex 2ce a month
> I find myself masturbating more as a married woman than I was when I was single.
> ...


Is your husband spending much time out of the house, outside of work?
How is his testosterone levels?


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

LaurynMcvities77 said:


> My husband and have been married for 6 months and sexually it’s been a rocky journey
> For the first three months of being married we only had sex 2ce. After I flagged that it’s a problem for me we started using an app called Blueheart which had helped us learn about each other’s sex accelerators, brakes, explore our sexual history, etc.
> however, 3 months into using this app, we only have sex 2ce a month
> I find myself masturbating more as a married woman than I was when I was single.
> ...


When my wife and I were first married we were bonking like 4 times a week sometimes more I kid you not.
There was one evening when my wife walked out of the shower naked and still wet.
I took one look at her and that was it for me, I grabbed her arm, straight into the bedroom and I finished in one minute flat. Wow, what a turn on that was. 
At this early stage in your marriage your husband should be all over you.
Something is definitely wrong and I can only suggest you seek professional help.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

You didn't go for a test drive before you got married?


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## eyeamnicegirl (Dec 31, 2019)

How often when six months into marriage? Counting only days that PIV happens, probably 15 days a month. We had slowed down at that point. We both had a "past" and when we met (OK, second date actually) we decided to wait until we were married to go all the way with each other, so as to not mess things up. Made for a short engagement. I think the first month of marriage, we had sex every day (yes, even on my period), except for the day we returned home from out honeymoon trip and fell asleep (we were major tired). Yes, delayed gratification is a real thing. So by six months, we had slowed down. I can't imagine sex only twice a month. I like sex and I love my husband, and well, put those two things together, and let's just say I wear a smile most of the time (and so does he).


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Newlyweds? Sex was almost everytime we got home. For a long time.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

LaurynMcvities77 said:


> My husband and have been married for 6 months and sexually it’s been a rocky journey
> For the first three months of being married we only had sex 2ce. After I flagged that it’s a problem for me we started using an app called Blueheart which had helped us learn about each other’s sex accelerators, brakes, explore our sexual history, etc.
> however, 3 months into using this app, we only have sex 2ce a month
> I find myself masturbating more as a married woman than I was when I was single.
> ...


My wife got us this sex book for xmas, it's a scratch off book of sex things; we just did the first one last night. the book is called "in bed" I think, but it may help you guys, worth a try at least.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

Everyone is different, but it wouldn't hurt to look into physical and psychological issues your husband may have.

My wife and I were 30 and 32 respectively when we married and we pretty much continued as we had for the previous 14 months or so, seldom coming up for air.


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

If he was like this prior to marriage, you never should have married him.


If he wasn't, but is now,

The only solution is to divorce.

Either there's a medical issue, he's cheating, or he just doesn't have a sex drive or much of it anymore. Not all men are into sex or have high sex drives.

Not all people will remain the same for the rest of their lives.

He's entitled to not have sex or want sex with you. Just like you're entitled to as well.

Don't try to force him to do something he doesn't want to do...


People change.

Whatever it is,


You two aren't compatible.

Things will only get worse if you remain.

Please do not bring innocent human beings into this world with him, also please do not cheat.

Just leave.

There's billions of other men out there.

Find someone that you're compatible with that has a high sex drive.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Married in our mid 30s, the early years were three to four times a week. 
Now. in our early 60s, average twice a week. Not porn star pace, but I'm guessing more than most of our friends.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Sounds like you got a lemon


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> Sounds like you got a lemon


can she use warranty?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It varies for every couple, but you seem to be at the extreme low end of the range. If you're very unhappy with this, you've discussed it without making any lasting progress, and it's not a medical issue like low testosterone, then you may have no option other than divorce.

We got married in our mid 40s to early 50s, and were having sex two or three times a day for the next five years, at least.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Married but Happy said:


> It varies for every couple, but you seem to be at the extreme low end of the range. If you're very unhappy with this, you've discussed it without making any lasting progress, and it's not a medical issue like low testosterone, then you may have no option other than divorce.
> 
> We got married in our mid 40s to early 50s, and were having sex two or three times a day for the next five years, at least.


“Two to three times a day for the next five years” in your 40s/50s. If there’s a Sex Hall of Fame, you are in.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

LaurynMcvities77 said:


> My husband and have been married for 6 months and sexually it’s been a rocky journey
> For the first three months of being married we only had sex 2ce. After I flagged that it’s a problem for me we started using an app called Blueheart which had helped us learn about each other’s sex accelerators, brakes, explore our sexual history, etc.
> however, 3 months into using this app, we only have sex 2ce a month
> I find myself masturbating more as a married woman than I was when I was single.
> ...


I don't know what's going on, but you are not wrong to think something is wrong. I've been married almost 40 years, if my husband was acting like that, I'd take him for a physical and get to the bottom of things. 
If he says he's feeling pressured to have sex, and you've only had sex a few times in six months, that seems very odd and I can't blame you for feeling distressed. Pressuring him isn't the answer. It will likely make things worse, but something should be done to find out why he isn't interested in sex.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Cynthia said:


> I don't know what's going on, but you are not wrong to think something is wrong. I've been married almost 40 years, if my husband was acting like that, I'd take him for a physical and get to the bottom of things.
> If he says he's feeling pressured to have sex, and you've only had sex a few times in six months, that seems very odd and I can't blame you for feeling distressed. Pressuring him isn't the answer. It will likely make things worse, but something should be done to find out why he isn't interested in sex.


Could it be that he is gay?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

OP, answering the questions in the thread title, when we married we pretty much got together about every time we saw one another and had time. Like proverbial rabbits. Most of the people we know/knew were about the same.

What you are missing is a lot of fun.

Maybe you have grounds for annulment for not adequately consummating the marriage.

FWIW, wife n I did some test drives before we bought the car. In fact we drove the car enough to break it in. And we had a lot of discussion about our expectations of married life. Plenty of intimacy was #1 on the list. We promised one another that we wouldn't deprive one another. And we haven't.


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## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

How much is environmental or other factors like stress or other focuses? 

Married 20 years and until 2 years ago, once a week but now every other week due to her hitting perimenopause and stressful job. She’s said she’s up for the three times a week but I’ve seen that maybe once or twice in 20 years. 

Our first three years we moved overseas for the military. She had no job, hobbies, family or friends while I was overwhelmed at work. Then I’d get overwhelmed with her pent up boredom, insecurities and chronic complaining. During MC, we described how neglected and bad she felt because I wasn’t into sex like she was at the time (eg books, outfits, games). In her head, she had rewritten history disregarding how stressed out I was by work and omitted her chronic unhappiness/complaining. Looking back she was/is very self-centered. Nagging is a huge libido killer especially if it’s sex-related.

Lately, I came to realize she has attachment and intimacy issues from childhood. So sex was more about getting off, getting attention or validation. It was/has never been never about growing more intimate emotionally. Also, with her growing ADHD it’s also kids and work stress and it’s just not something she thinks about. Her brain is like a merry go around in various states of spinning. Things like sex don’t hang on long once the spinning starts. So like clockwork, 90 seconds after she’s orgasmed her brain spins up and sex is jettisoned off the merry go round for two weeks.

Kudos on the app together! My wife didn’t even want to do the “needs worksheet” we got assigned at MC.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

If your sex life is already going the sexless route this quick into your new marriage, I would consider leaving it before you get too far. Unfortunately no one told me this when I first got married and now I’m 20+ years into a sexless marriage with a wife who I am not sexually compatible with. I should have seen it from the very beginning when right after we got married she just didn’t want sex nearly as much if any, and things like oral stopped completely.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

GoodDad5 said:


> If your sex life is already going the sexless route this quick into your new marriage, I would consider leaving it before you get too far. Unfortunately no one told me this when I first got married and now I’m 20+ years into a sexless marriage with a wife who I am not sexually compatible with. I should have seen it from the very beginning when right after we got married she just didn’t want sex nearly z as much if any, and things like oral stopped completely.


Ugh. Fortunately that’s not a problem here. no oral? Awful


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## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

Haven’t seen a recent reply from the OP? How are things going?


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Ugh. Fortunately that’s not a problem here. no oral? Awful


Yep. I was able to get her to do some light licking on me a while back but she refused to go any further and was so traumatized by it. I could tell she really didn’t want to do it and was only doing it to shut me up. I give up on it and it will just be a fantasy for me unfortunately. 

To the OP, I really hope you’ll consider parting ways before it gets too far. You don’t want a lifetime of sexlessness, trust me, especially if you are high libido.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

GoodDad5 said:


> Yep. I was able to get her to do some light licking on me a while back but she refused to go any further and was so traumatized by it. I could tell she really didn’t want to do it and was only doing it to shut me up. I give up on it and it will just be a fantasy for me unfortunately.
> 
> To the OP, I really hope you’ll consider parting ways before it gets too far. You don’t want a lifetime of sexlessness, trust me, especially if you are high libido.


I bet she welcomes you giving her oral homage.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Longtime Hubby said:


> I bet she welcomes you giving her oral homage.


Sometimes. But why do that when it’s one sided? Where’s mine?


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## lmucamac (5 mo ago)

Every couple is different. The important part is that you both agree on the frequency and have open honest communication.

What was it like before you were married? What has changed? if there’s been a major change, then there’s something definitely wrong, and you need to identify it and fix it.

Did you only have sex a few times a month before you were married and think that things would magically change? If yes, then you have a difficult decision to make because it won’t change.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

My grandfather once told me a story.
A young couple on their wedding day were given a large empty whiskey bottle.
They were told each time they made love for the first two years of their marriage, to put a penny coin into the bottle and then after two years to take a penny coin out the bottle each time they made love.
He said; "they`ll never empty the whisky bottle of those coins for the remainder of their married lives".


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

GoodDad5 said:


> Sometimes. But why do that when it’s one sided? Where’s mine?


Should be equal


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

GoodDad5 said:


> Sometimes. But why do that when it’s one sided? Where’s mine?


In my view it is better than nothing. Do you enjoy doing it or do you expect it to be transactional. Meaning 1 for you, 1 for me? I happily give my wife oral if she wants it and even just a random opportunities, but it rarely get it in return. I've never had a BJ to completion from her. It happens as part of foreplay. Sure I would love it all the way, but it isn't the be-all and end-all.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

gameopoly5 said:


> My grandfather once told me a story.
> A young couple on their wedding day were given a large empty whiskey bottle.
> They were told each time they made love for the first two years of their marriage, to put a penny coin into the bottle and then after two years to take a penny coin out the bottle each time they made love.
> He said; "they`ll never empty the whisky bottle of those coins for the remainder of their married lives".


Not the case with us. Not by a long shot. I've been keeping a diary of our sexual activities for several years now, since the start of us becoming empty nesters. In 2022 after 32 years of marriage we shared sex about 250 times, right around 5x/week on average. And that is with me spending several weeks on the road spread throughout the year. Our low was 2020 when we were dealing with some medical issues my wife was suffering from. That year was 126. We had a lot of sex our first couple years, but not more than we are now. In large part because I was in the Army and had several short term deployments. I wasn't tracking when our kids were little, but I would suspect that was our lowest frequency period, but I doubt that time frame ever dropped below the 2x per week mark. Not everyone is enduring a sex starved marriage. It doesn't have to be that way.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> In my view it is better than nothing. Do you enjoy doing it or do you expect it to be transactional. Meaning 1 for you, 1 for me? I happily give my wife oral if she wants it and even just a random opportunities, but it rarely get it in return. I've never had a BJ to completion from her. It happens as part of foreplay. Sure I would love it all the way, but it isn't the be-all and end-all.


I enjoy giving her oral very much as it gets me very turned on.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Not the case with us. Not by a long shot. I've been keeping a diary of our sexual activities for several years now, since the start of us becoming empty nesters. In 2022 after 32 years of marriage we shared sex about 250 times, right around 5x/week on average. And that is with me spending several weeks on the road spread throughout the year. Our low was 2020 when we were dealing with some medical issues my wife was suffering from. That year was 126. We had a lot of sex our first couple years, but not more than we are now. In large part because I was in the Army and had several short term deployments. I wasn't tracking when our kids were little, but I would suspect that was our lowest frequency period, but I doubt that time frame ever dropped below the 2x per week mark. Not everyone is enduring a sex starved marriage. It doesn't have to be that way.


I’d hazard a guess that you are in the 1 percent, saying you had sex 250 times a year after 32 years of marriage. Married 28 years here, checked in at 108 times in 2022. that was our best since I began keeping track in 2003. So, happy about that. I don’t know. 250 seems almost like a chore. “Okay, let’s go, where shall we start today? I eat you first?” LOL.

Everyone is different. yes, wish had more frequency here. but it’s a two-way street with different libidos. When she says “no” I can’t change her mind. Leads to argument. From what peers in our age group (early 60s) tell me, we are getting way more fun than they are. 108 is just over twice a week. Sure beats 2017 when out total was a awfully terrible 26. Been on upswing since. Prob cuz I put less emphasis on getting laid? She seems more receptive. Women are tough to decipher.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> I’d hazard a guess that you are in the 1 percent, saying you had sex 250 times a year after 32 years of marriage. Married 28 years here, checked in at 108 times in 2022. that was our best since I began keeping track in 2003. So, happy about that. I don’t know. 250 seems almost like a chore. “Okay, let’s go, where shall we start today? I eat you first?” LOL.
> 
> Everyone is different. yes, wish had more frequency here. but it’s a two-way street with different libidos. When she says “no” I can’t change her mind. Leads to argument. From what peers in our age group (early 60s) tell me, we are getting way more fun than they are. 108 is just over twice a week. Sure beats 2017 when out total was a awfully terrible 26. Been on upswing since. Prob cuz I put less emphasis on getting laid? She seems more receptive.* Women are tough to decipher.*


LOL, that bolded sentence is a major understatement. 

Really nothing wrong with twice a week. It may leave you wanting more, but that isn't always a bad thing. This may seem gross/weird to some or maybe TMI, but I want my wife to be carrying a little bit of me with her at all times. Given sperm survive about 5 days a fresh infusion twice a week gets the job done, lol.

Nope, not a chore. More like heaven if you ask me. We engage in some sort of sexual intimacy every morning before she leaves for work. It often includes intercourse, but not always. We actually get up earlier than needed for the sole purpose of having time for intimacy. It all starts with showering together and it goes from there. Throw a couple evening sessions in and weekends and 250 isn't hard to get to.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

So she never turns you down? Sorry, I find that tough to believe.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Sex is overrated...


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> Sex is overrated...


I think I might have to agree with you my friend!


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> Sex is overrated...


Nah.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Nah.


It is when you don't have it...  But I haven't had any sex for 4 years now and you know what? I don't miss it.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> It is when you don't have it...  But I haven't had any sex for 4 years now and you know what? I don't miss it.


stop yourself!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

LaurynMcvities77 said:


> My husband and have been married for 6 months and sexually it’s been a rocky journey
> For the first three months of being married we only had sex 2ce. After I flagged that it’s a problem for me we started using an app called Blueheart which had helped us learn about each other’s sex accelerators, brakes, explore our sexual history, etc.
> however, 3 months into using this app, we only have sex 2ce a month
> I find myself masturbating more as a married woman than I was when I was single.
> ...


It's only going to get worse. You might want to end this before you get deeper into it.

It's ridiculous and you know it.

Six months with no children is far easier to end than six years and dependents.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> So she never turns you down? Sorry, I find that tough to believe.


I didn't say she never turns me down, but that only really occurs in the evening. Even then I don't really get turned down often, because I can see when she is tired and I don't bother. In those instances she will sometimes surprise me and she either initiates or sends me some strong signals that she wants me to make a move. My wife knows I'm always available for sex. 

Same thing in the morning. There are some occasions where she needs to leave early or we are just running late and we won't have intercourse, but that is exception. That is okay though, because we still showered together, which always involves me washing her and her washing me, so we still had a very intimate interaction. Realize that not all these sexual interactions are long drawn out sex sessions. Some may conclude with just a few minutes of intercourse. Or even just a few minutes of looking in each other's eyes and kissing while I'm inside her. It builds incredible tension for when we do finally go all out. 

My wife is a bit of an enigma. She is a good girl in that she doesn't like to talk too much about sex, doesn't care for dirty words to describe our genitalia or sexual activities, and isn't into anything too wild and crazy in bed. At the same time she can be such a bad girl. She is constantly feeling me up. When we are out to dinner, with or without others, she loves to slowly work her hand up my thigh and rub my crotch while nonchalantly having a conversation. My favorite is when we are at a party or gathering and she will take me to another room to show me the sexy panties she has on. At the end of the day she is a very sexual person, just in her own way. And I'm not complaining.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I didn't say she never turns me down, but that only really occurs in the evening. Even then I don't really get turned down often, because I can see when she is tired and I don't bother. In those instances she will sometimes surprise me and she either initiates or sends me some strong signals that she wants me to make a move. My wife knows I'm always available for sex.
> 
> Same thing in the morning. There are some occasions where she needs to leave early or we are just running late and we won't have intercourse, but that is exception. That is okay though, because we still showered together, which always involves me washing her and her washing me, so we still had a very intimate interaction. Realize that not all these sexual interactions are long drawn out sex sessions. Some may conclude with just a few minutes of intercourse. Or even just a few minutes of looking in each other's eyes and kissing while I'm inside her. It builds incredible tension for when we do finally go all out.
> 
> My wife is a bit of an enigma. She is a good girl in that she doesn't like to talk too much about sex, doesn't care for dirty words to describe our genitalia or sexual activities, and isn't into anything too wild and crazy in bed. At the same time she can be such a bad girl. She is constantly feeling me up. When we are out to dinner, with or without others, she loves to slowly work her hand up my thigh and rub my crotch while nonchalantly having a conversation. My favorite is when we are at a party or gathering and she will take me to another room to show me the sexy panties she has on. At the end of the day she is a very sexual person, just in her own way. And I'm not complaining.


Well, count your lucky stars. You have a very rare woman in your life.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Well, count your lucky stars. You have a very rare woman in your life.


They all seem to be on TAM, or at least the husbands...


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> They all seem to be on TAM, or at least the husbands...


TAM as a whole seems to be at the opposite end of the spectrum. It seems there might be a dozen or so regulars here that have robust sex lives. Compare that to the non-stop onslaught of people posting about their sex starved lives. You need someone at the other end of the spectrum to provide some hope, lol.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> They all seem to be on TAM, or at least the husbands...


Exactly. And the hubbies all have 8 inches at least, never have ED, get laid whenever they want - usually five days a week - and always have amazing hour-long sessions. Oh, and some get lucky two or three times a day, even at age 70 or older.

Gimme a break.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

In Absentia said:


> It is when you don't have it...  But I haven't had any sex for 4 years now and you know what? I don't miss it.


Multiple older dudes have told me if you don’t use it, you lose it when you get older.
You’re loving like a monk.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

TAM is definitely the anomaly in my world. Since being here, I start talking to my guy friends about their sex lives and most have it worse than me!

None seem to have wives who want sex let alone have orgasms from PIV or do any of what BigDaddy just mentioned above or what other guys share here. (Note: BigDaddy keep her forever and if she ever wants a divorce do whatever it takes to keep her as being married twice myself and dating many women along the way, I can tell you what you shared above is not common in the world outside of TAM)

But in contrast there is realty from the women who post here as I just read the thread about the one who does not want sex while dating and others that while seem to enjoy sex with their husbands, are not into porn and do not have all the orgasms claimed here by the guys. 

So maybe it balances itself out?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> So she never turns you down? Sorry, I find that tough to believe.


My wife has never said no in more than 50 years.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> My wife has never said no in more than 50 years.


”I’ve got some oceanfront property in Arizona” - George Strait

sorry, but your comment started that song playing in my mind


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> ”I’ve got some oceanfront property in Arizona” - George Strait
> 
> sorry, but your comment started that song playing in my mind


Ok. Believe what you wish. I understand your disbelief given your reality,


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Ok. Believe what you wish. I understand your disbelief given your reality,


My reality? Im just calling your bluff. Your wife has never said no when on her period, tired, focused on children or work or family, distracted by a financial problem, etc. or simply was not in the mood? You have a perfect batting average over 50 years? hats off to ya!


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Longtime Hubby said:


> My reality? Im just calling your bluff. Your wife has never said no when on her period, tired, focused on children or work or family, distracted by a financial problem, etc. or simply was not in the mood? You have a perfect batting average over 50 years? hats off to ya!


I didnt initiate when she was on her period. Or when she was tired. Or when we were focused on kids. She was always in the mood.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> I didnt initiate when she was on her period. Or when she was tired. Or when we were focused on kids. She was always in the mood.


Well, good for you. She’s a rarity.


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## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> TAM is definitely the anomaly in my world. Since being here, I start talking to my guy friends about their sex lives and most have it worse than me!
> 
> None seem to have wives who want sex let alone have orgasms from PIV or do any of what BigDaddy just mentioned above or what other guys share here. (Note: BigDaddy keep her forever and if she ever wants a divorce do whatever it takes to keep her as being married twice myself and dating many women along the way, I can tell you what you shared above is not common in the world outside of TAM)
> 
> ...


Similar experience here as well. Over the years, guys constantly complaining about their lack of sex in their marriage. When in large groups, or public speaking events and the topic is thrown out, lots of laughter about this topic, as people identify with it.

It’s been good to discuss the topic though, so that men can feel like having a high drive is normal, that there’s nothing wrong with it.

It ultimately makes me wonder the percentage of marriages that are lacking in intimacy, we’ll never know of course, but it’s pretty obvious what the answer is.

This little joke sums it all up:
20s: Tri weekly
30-50s: Try weekly
60s and up: Try weakly


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

TrailTrekker said:


> Similar experience here as well. Over the years, guys constantly complaining about their lack of sex in their marriage. When in large groups, or public speaking events and the topic is thrown out, lots of laughter about this topic, as people identify with it.
> 
> It’s been good to discuss the topic though, so that men can feel like having a high drive is normal, that there’s nothing wrong with it.
> 
> ...


at 62 still trying … strongly! But the defense I face is like the old Steel Curtain! lol


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

TrailTrekker said:


> Similar experience here as well. Over the years, guys constantly complaining about their lack of sex in their marriage. When in large groups, or public speaking events and the topic is thrown out, lots of laughter about this topic, as people identify with it.
> 
> It’s been good to discuss the topic though, so that men can feel like having a high drive is normal, that there’s nothing wrong with it.
> 
> ...


You're missing a large group of ltr M couples that are empty nesters and now have sex anytime. 
Many 55, in 60s, etc do indeed have sex 3 to 7 times a week. Thoroughly enjoying the ability to now be naked and fool around with their spouse literally anywhere in the house anytime.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> You're missing a large group of ltr M couples that are empty nesters and now have sex anytime.
> Many 55, in 60s, etc do indeed have sex 3 to 7 times a week. Thoroughly enjoying the ability to now be naked and fool around with their spouse literally anywhere in the house anytime.


That may be true, but it only works if both have sex drives. Here? I do, wife does not. So although I love the scenario described, it rarely ever happens. I recall mid-day a few weeks ago, shot down last week and Monday morning Jan. 2 when she was more interested in catching up on her work than making love.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Longtime Hubby said:


> That may be true, but it only works if both have sex drives. Here? I do, wife does not. So although I love the scenario described, it rarely ever happens. I recall mid-day a few weeks ago, shot down last week and Monday morning Jan. 2 when she was more interested in catching up on her work.


I grok that. Just saying, W and I are part of the group that do have frequent and easy sex, at will, as we're empty nesters.

And that group is larger than many think. As those folks don't come into these forums much I'm thinking.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I grok that. Just saying, W and I are part of the group that do have frequent and easy sex, at will, as we're empty nesters.
> 
> And that group is larger than many think. As those folks don't come into these forums much I'm thinking.


Perhaps. just so frustrating being the one who’s always got to start, who has to come up with ideas, etc.,


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Perhaps. just so frustrating being the one who’s always got to start, who has to come up with ideas, etc.,


I get you there. I do bear that responsibility too, but because of the high success rate I try and embrace that as a plus. 

Which means I let my imagination and ingenuity run free, from building new toys, to planning our trips adult stores, new toys, lotions, and settings. Sometimes I throw things out there knowing all won't fly but know in the kicking things around sometimes things turn out a yes that I wouldn't have thought, so I'm surprised time to time.

Not all is on the wild side of course but open discussion adds those accoutrements to the big picture.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I get you there. I do bear that responsibility too, but because of the high success rate I try and embrace that as a plus.
> 
> Which means I let my imagination and ingenuity run free, from building new toys, to planning our trips adult stores, new toys, lotions, and settings. Sometimes I throw things out there knowing all won't fly but know in the kicking things around sometimes things turn out a yes that I wouldn't have thought, so I'm surprised time to time.
> 
> Not all is on the wild side of course but open discussion adds those accoutrements to the big picture.


Are we related? Lol. Yeah, I do all of the above. Some ideas succeed - reminded of visit to adult store where we picked a vibe we now enjoy in bed - or maybe I order things online. Other ideas I float like trial balloons. Plant seed of idea which May blossom down the line. Used to hear “NO” if I suggested us with another person or couple. Now? I hear “one never knows what future has in store.” Hmmm … lol


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Rus47 said:


> I didnt initiate when she was on her period. Or when she was tired. Or when we were focused on kids. She was always in the mood.


Ahh, now, that's a bit like going fishing only when you know the pond is freshly stocked.

If one truly likes to fish, they fish in all kinds of unknown environs at times.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> 250 times, right around 5x/week on average





BigDaddyNY said:


> That year was 126.





BigDaddyNY said:


> 2x per week





Longtime Hubby said:


> 108 times in 2022





Longtime Hubby said:


> two or three times a day





Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> 3 to 7 times a week


Somebody's counting, which brings me back to my original post elsewhere. Maybe everyone is not counting the same way.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Sfort said:


> Somebody's counting, which brings me back to my original post elsewhere. Maybe everyone is not counting the same way.


taken out of context. We don’t “two or three times a day.” That was directed at someone else’s lofty claim.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Sfort said:


> Somebody's counting, which brings me back to my original post elsewhere. Maybe everyone is not counting the same way.


I posted my methodology.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator Notice:- *All this pointless bragging and boasting is not helping @LaurynMcvities77.

Also, OP if that is your real name, please contact our admin, @EleGirl who can help you change it to something else.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Marriage counseling has helped many. Us Included. Perhaps that is worth exploring? I hope you find assistance.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> *Moderator Notice:- *All this pointless bragging and boasting is not helping.


Sorry, I guess it’s my fault for starting the OT.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I get you there. I do bear that responsibility too, but because of the high success rate I try and embrace that as a plus.
> 
> Which means I let my imagination and ingenuity run free, from building new toys, to planning our trips adult stores, new toys, lotions, and settings. Sometimes I throw things out there knowing all won't fly but know in the kicking things around sometimes things turn out a yes that I wouldn't have thought, so I'm surprised time to time.
> 
> Not all is on the wild side of course but open discussion adds those accoutrements to the big picture.


Exactly, spent $100 at the toy store Friday night, have another $200 in lingerie in wife's Amazon cart ATM. About to buy an armoire just for her lingerie and heels. 

If guys could talk a SO into like a 30 day challenge, maybe play on her competitive side, ex. "I don't think you can do it" 

My wife said more we have, the more she wants to. It is like she is addicted to me. Might surprise some of these people that think they are not interested in sex to do a "30 day challenge" 30 days straight. May light a fire, hell...an inferno.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Where's Waldo?

There should be a forum called neglected vaginas.😋

I'm not totally joking.

There's a lot of desperate women out there and it's alarming.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Where's Waldo?
> 
> There should be a forum called neglected vaginas.😋
> 
> ...


Too bad there is not a way to identify these women (and men) and connect them in a relationship. Notice, I said "relationship" and not "marriage" as I am not sure that marriage doesn't change that dynamic of some of the desperation (of course of both men and women)???


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

To the OP, what would happen if you did a 180 in your marriage?


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## TrailTrekker (10 mo ago)

GoodDad5 said:


> To the OP, what would happen if you did a 180 in your marriage?


Good idea, sometimes it can take a little shock and awe to get the spouse to sit up and pay attention. It’s good to have habits and routines, but when those routines work against the marriage, such as it seems with the OP, the routines aren’t always helpful.

I’m always going to fall on the side of trying to work through issues vs. just give up and divorce. It sounded like things were going pretty good except for this one intimacy issue.

Hopefully the OP checks in and maybe we can offer some ideas to help.


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