# Would this annoy you?



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

We have more credit card debt than we should... various reasons, doesn't matter really I guess. 

Anyway, I have worked for the past 16 years, while my dh largely has been a SAHD... I was fine with that. He still doesn't really work a substantial job... I am fine with that. I am also not particularly bothered by the credit card debt. It isn't ideal, but in relation to the amount of income I make, and the amount of assets we have between us, it just isn't a blip on my radar.

It bothers dh immensely, he *****es and moans about it all the time. He really really wants it paid off. He is coming into about $120K from his parents, and in the past he has said he was going to pay off the debt when that happens (it is about $15k). I also had some money from my parents, I used much of it for the kids stuff (camps etc. when we were running tight) or medical bills (my youngest has some serious medical issues), and even for some home updates that we needed done or were a bit unexpected. I did that gladly. 

So now, we are about to close on the sale of our home, and he wants to use that money (rather than putting it all into the new place for the lowest payments). He is saying he wants to save it for HIS retirement.

I mean, geesh, what the heck, I have worked all these years for the benefit of 'us' and now it is about the benefit of HIM? 

I am so annoyed.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

lisa3girls said:


> We have more credit card debt than we should... various reasons, doesn't matter really I guess.
> 
> Anyway, I have worked for the past 16 years, while my dh largely has been a SAHD... I was fine with that. He still doesn't really work a substantial job... I am fine with that. I am also not particularly bothered by the credit card debt. It isn't ideal, but in relation to the amount of income I make, and the amount of assets we have between us, it just isn't a blip on my radar.
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I would be annoyed too but maybe he is feeling insecure because he will have no retirement at all (since he has been a SAHD). 

I think he's just feeling the crunch and doesn't want to go through life with no security when he retires. Most men that I know have a plan...my husband is 28 and already has a hefty retirement savings.


----------



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

No words of wisdom, but you're living my life. Can't agree on kids, finances f*** all. Ummm saving for one's retirement comes largely from payroll deductions. We're not speaking now - so frustrating!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> I would be annoyed too but maybe he is feeling insecure because he will have no retirement at all (since he has been a SAHD).
> 
> I think he's just feeling the crunch and doesn't want to go through life with no security when he retires. Most men that I know have a plan...my husband is 28 and already has a hefty retirement savings.



I am sure that is partly true, but the youngest kid is almost 11, nothing is stopping him from getting a more substantial job... he still has YEARS to accumulate retirement savings. Besides, I have always earmarked my deductions as OURS not MINE. I guess I am upset because if I called my salary 'mine' he'd be mad at me.


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

He just turned 50 and it's dawned on him that he isn't getting any younger. I hear this frequently from my 45 year old husband. I just say "no" and am done with that conversation. Read any financial book out there and all of them say pay off debt THEN save for retirement. Besides my husband is a police officer with a pension plan I don't know really what he's worried about. And when buying a home ideally you need 20% down which btw is why I'm renting.

My husband can pout all he wants to but I'm not budging. I'm right and he knows it. I'm a CPA with 20 years of experience. My husband couldn't balance the checkbook. He has no money experience whatsoever. I'm the financial savvy one and while he doesn't always like my answer he does respect it.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh I get it.

But maybe he's scared to go looking for a job. He's been out of the market for a while and it's scary, especially when you have no recent experience and are older. That's just fact.

I completely understand your position, and I see his as well.

We have credit card bills (well my husband did before marriage) and have paid them down from 37,000 to only 4,000  But it's a task and has taken 3 years so far. Maybe your husband is worried about retirement and having big credit bills on top of it.

Maybe see a financial adviser to put your husband's mind at ease...money is a touchy subject for men especially when they aren't providing it. Maybe hearing advice from a 3rd party would help?


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Oh I get it.
> 
> But maybe he's scared to go looking for a job. He's been out of the market for a while and it's scary, especially when you have no recent experience and are older. That's just fact.
> 
> ...


We need a new advisor... our old (good) one left the business and his replacement sucks. I really need to find someone else, but right now we are in the middle of trying to get my MILs Medicaid application through and we may NEED the lousy one to help with some things (MILs money was there too). As soon as that is over, I will find someone new.

I don't disagree that we should pay it off, it is the how I guess. We have more than 20% down, but he wants to do exactly 20% and pay down the debt with the rest and leave 'his' money where it is.


----------

