# Husbands would you do this?



## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

If you knew as a husband that you had a reputation of living off your wife and having a "sugarmamma" would you encourage your wife to go to lunches and strengthen a relationship with a very wealthy businessman? This man who is well connected in the city and is now asking your wife to lunches etc. would you encourage your wife to make lunch appts with this man?
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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Not that I'm that kind of man, but I would say if the sponge husband can see a financial advantage in having his wife meet with this business man then yes. Why wouldn't he encourage it if that's the case? If his wife brings home more money through this connection then it's a no brainer.

On the other hand if this man is single and is interested in this mans wife then be careful. A single man is not wise to chase a married woman, and if she leaves her husband for him then he will need to find another sugarmama and the new gf of the business man will be wondering if the single business man will repeat the behavior when a new girl comes to town.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Well it sure looks like he not only wants to live of his " sugarmamma " wife,
He's probably looking for a " sugar daddy " too , to support his lifestyle.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Wasn't that a movie plot
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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Not sure I understand your post,but does he expect "strengthening the relationship" to stop at only lunches with this business man or would it be whatever it takes as long as he's reaping some kind of benefit?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

In other words, does he want to pimp out his wife?


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Malaise said:


> In other words, does he want to pimp out his wife?


Couldnt have worded that more clearly if I'd tried.
:lol:


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

ConcernedinMO said:


> If you knew as a husband that you had a reputation of living off your wife and having a "sugarmamma" would you encourage your wife to go to lunches and strengthen a relationship with a very wealthy businessman? This man who is well connected in the city and is now asking your wife to lunches etc. would you encourage your wife to make lunch appts with this man?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't encourage my wife to go to lunches and strengthen her relationship with another man, no matter his economic status. But then again i'm not boy toy with a sugarmamma, so my logic doesn't apply.


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## Innosenses (Jul 8, 2011)

No,No,and No! Money is not worth your wife. What you to share. No man should be in btw you guys over money! This does not make sense as I type it so, why would it make sense to do!..


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

No offense to any man but what kind of man is mooching off his wife so to speak? I understand women can be more successful and I would cheer that on whole heartedly b/c in the end it would be "us" or "ours" - guess I'm old fashion that way. 

And yea this is not something I'd encourage unless there was some sort of potential gain such as a potential business relationship.

But if this guy is asking her to lunches for a reason outside that I would certainly not encourage it.

Joe


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

This man is very successful and wants to take me to lunch to "thank me" for all my professional help. He really is a good guy. But my DH doesn't know that. But last week I told my DH I didn't feel like going to lunch with the guy again and he said "you need to. You never know where this could lead. Stay close to him". I just don't think I could see most men I know acting this way. Especially since my husband knows a few years ago I had an emotional affair. Same scenario. 



Clark G said:


> No offense to any man but what kind of man is mooching off his wife so to speak? I understand women can be more successful and I would cheer that on whole heartedly b/c in the end it would be "us" or "ours" - guess I'm old fashion that way.
> 
> And yea this is not something I'd encourage unless there was some sort of potential gain such as a potential business relationship.
> 
> ...


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

ConcernedinMO said:


> This man is very successful and wants to take me to lunch to "thank me" for all my professional help. He really is a good guy. But my DH doesn't know that. But last week I told my DH I didn't feel like going to lunch with the guy again and he said "you need to. You never know where this could lead. Stay close to him". I just don't think I could see most men I know acting this way. Especially since my husband knows a few years ago I had an emotional affair. Same scenario.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Under that scenario I'd say no effing way am I sending my wife into that. No way.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Does your husband not care that this could lead to another EA?

What is more important to him?

Earlier I made a joke about pimping you out, no offense but that is what it sounds like.

It sounds as if he doesn't have your best interests in mind.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

ConcernedinMO said:


> This man is very successful and wants to take me to lunch to "thank me" for all my professional help. He really is a good guy. But my DH doesn't know that. But last week I told my DH I didn't feel like going to lunch with the guy again and he said "you need to. You never know where this could lead. Stay close to him". I just don't think I could see most men I know acting this way. Especially since my husband knows a few years ago I had an emotional affair. Same scenario.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I see two ways to explain that:

1- He doesn't give a damn about you and is in fact a boy toy who would even appreciate that your not around much;

2- He is one of those closet gay guys with a cuckhold fetish.

Either way, doesn't sound so good. Take the scenario here:



> This man is very successful and wants to take me to lunch to "thank me" for all my professional help.


Every straight guy knows this is BS. He wants some leg, and that's the truth of it. 

And this:


> "you need to. You never know where this could lead. Stay close to him"


Would totally fit the cuckhold fantasy type. It's like he is throwing you to this guy. Pretty non-standard behavior for a guy.


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

I think this is why I resent my husband. I don't ever get the impression that he wants to protect me or be there for me. Now, I am not attracted to this man and he is married. But my husband has NO idea. And Ive asked him before WHY he encourages me to go to lunches etc with other high profile guys. He usually says that they are fine... Or I have to think of my career. And when I had the emotional affair years ago, I told him that his attitude was part of it. He of course did not see that and that was NOT the time to point it out. But since then... He hasn't changed at all. He only seems to care about my income and status. 





costa200 said:


> I see two ways to explain that:
> 
> 1- He doesn't give a damn about you and is in fact a boy toy who would even appreciate that your not around much;
> 
> ...


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

If he's living off of your money and that's his main reason for being with you then YES absolutely he would encourage whatever he had to in order to keep the cash flowing. He cares more about the money than he does you. A typical man would NOT behave this way.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I have to temper my remarks by saying that I go to a lot of business lunches and I have no problem with them. If you have business to discuss then you should go. Networking IS business today. But a thank you lunch is a little weird. And the way you describe it makes me think it's more than a business lunch. I myself went to lunch with 2 women on Wednesday. I was being introduced to a new key employee of a client. Nothing shady there, and I didn't even mention it to my wife. No reason to.


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

.....maybe he views your success as his success also......not necessarily in a bad/money only type of way.........you are the closest to him so you would know best. Do YOU feel loved by him, or do YOU feel he is mooching off of you? Maybe he honestly just does not know how success in the world works, and he thinks you being around somewhat like that will enable you to be more successful.......but without a full examination of your husband, no way for us to ever know.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Okay there's two sides here and I don't feel like we have a clear idea.

IS your husband "mooching" off you or are you just a lot more successful? There's a BIG difference.

I look at myself, my wife contributes probably twice the income into our household (for a number of reasons). Her salary is twice mine, I usually make commissions but because of the economy, I haven't over the last 3 years and I have child support from a previous marriage which takes a substantial amount out of our household. But NEITHER of us look at it as I'm not contributing enough. We see our financial situation as an US thing, not a me vs you thing. I'm also laying down some ground work to fix my income, but that's a different story.

Now is your situation similar to mine, or does your husband not work, doesn't want to work, likes how much you make and lives off your income alone?

You say that he's "perceived to live off you" but is that from outside sources or FROM YOU? Other people could "perceive" that I mooch off my wife, but it's not reality.


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

Well I think it's a little of both. I have always made more money. He has never had a problem with that. And I also saw things as "us" income. However his spending got out of control. And when I've tried to ask him to pick up extra work etc... It hasn't been received well. He recently was unemployed for 7 months and was very picky with his job selection while we used ALL of our savings. He is working now. But he doesn't want our lifestyle to change and we are having money problems because of all the previous spending. 







Dad&Hubby said:


> Okay there's two sides here and I don't feel like we have a clear idea.
> 
> IS your husband "mooching" off you or are you just a lot more successful? There's a BIG difference.
> 
> ...


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Ok, I’ve got a cynical side... How is your marriage?
Why I say that is maybe he’s pondering something on the side. And his ‘circumstance’ where he’d be morally ok with that is if you were cheating. Another thought is in a no fault state, he could divorce and get half plus spousal support.

The reality though is probably more along the lines of him seeing this as an opportunity for you to network with a high-roller. So, he believes he might be trying to help you advance. I know one thing that bothers my wife is that I lack ambition; If she could, she’d force me to really get out there and grow my business. Its not really for her, its just what she’d be doing if she was in my shoes.... She doesn’t think in terms of ramifications though or that I don’t ‘tick’ like her.


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

Our marriage is not good. But he's completely in denial. So I really doubt he sees it as an avenue out of it. However I could be completely wrong. He knows I went back to therapy a month ago and I've noticed a difference in his behavior. He is trying to be on best behavior... Because he knows that I'm dealing with a lot of these issues. And I HAVE told him in the past that encouraging me to do things like this... Seems to reveal he doesn't cherish me. But I'm sure if I mentioned that again today he would say "he forgot" that I'd said that. That is what he ALWAYS comes back with. 




Racer said:


> Ok, I’ve got a cynical side... How is your marriage?
> Why I say that is maybe he’s pondering something on the side. And his ‘circumstance’ where he’d be morally ok with that is if you were cheating. Another thought is in a no fault state, he could divorce and get half plus spousal support.
> 
> The reality though is probably more along the lines of him seeing this as an opportunity for you to network with a high-roller. So, he believes he might be trying to help you advance. I know one thing that bothers my wife is that I lack ambition; If she could, she’d force me to really get out there and grow my business. Its not really for her, its just what she’d be doing if she was in my shoes.... She doesn’t think in terms of ramifications though or that I don’t ‘tick’ like her.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I'm sensing based on your description of him you don't really respect your husband. Your question about his motives for encouraging your meeting with another man seem almost like an attempt to justify your feelings. If in your gut you feel like your husband is taking advantage of you you don't really need justification. You're entitled to your feelings.

It seems it's reached the point you need to lay your cards on the table. Explain to your husband how you feel about him and see if he's willing to work on things. If not, you can either accept him as he is...or cut him loose.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Malaise said:


> In other words, does he want to pimp out his wife?


I based the question on the first post.At the time,the H sure sounded like someone wanting to live off the avails. Nice to see OP clarified herself.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well it sure looks like he not only wants to live of his " sugarmamma " wife,
> He's probably looking for a " sugar daddy " too , to support his lifestyle.


:iagree: :lol:

*A "sugar daddy" for the "sugar momma"!* :rofl: :wtf: :rofl:


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

What's interesting is that I went on my "lunch" and I definitely felt that the guy was exactly what I was warned about. After lunch he wanted to take a "walk". 

I obviously didn't do anything improper, but I definitely think my husband made a mistake by encouraging me to go on this lunch in my day off. 

And he never even asked me how it went... 



southern wife said:


> :iagree: :lol:
> 
> *A "sugar daddy" for the "sugar momma"!* :rofl: :wtf: :rofl:


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

How can one know if they are being taken a ride?

At dinner last night I told my husband about the lunch. His first question was... Did you ask him for a job? 


Maybe I'm overreacting? Maybe that a legitimate thought for my husband who suggested I go to lunch with this man on MY day off?




ConcernedinMO said:


> What's interesting is that I went on my "lunch" and I definitely felt that the guy was exactly what I was warned about. After lunch he wanted to take a "walk".
> 
> I obviously didn't do anything improper, but I definitely think my husband made a mistake by encouraging me to go on this lunch in my day off.
> 
> ...


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

What is it that you feel comfortable doing or not doing? Though you are married,you still have a voice in the way you conduct yourself that makes you feel comfortable.


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

Well I guess I just expected my husband to be concerned/jealous etc. a little jealousy is healthy. But when I told him how the lunch went down he basically blamed me. He said that he thought the guy was just a friend and that he didn't see anything wrong with the way I described the lunch to him .. Even after I told him the guy wanted to go for a walk ... After he paid the tab. 

He thought "I" was blowing it out of proportion. Maybe I am? I just thought a loving husband would want to beat up a guy who wanted to take his wife for a walk... After having a lengthy lunch with her.. 




TBT said:


> What is it that you feel comfortable doing or not doing? Though you are married,you still have a voice in the way you conduct yourself that makes you feel comfortable.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

No, I would not.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Maybe he just saw it as a business lunch.... period. 

You'll drive yourself crazy wondering what is inside someone else's head. Just trust yourself to make good decisions. You can only control your own mind and deeds.


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

Sounds like the movie Indecent Proposal. $1 million?


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

After reading some of this again, I sort of can relate. I remember in the last year before my wife and I separated, I felt a real need to show her I trusted her. I said nothing when she wanted to go to a bar. I felt, if I showed her I trusted her, she may not cheat. She may realize what I was doing. That was a mistake. I sent the message that I didn't care what she did or who she was with. Again, I didn't communicate with her properly. How stupid I am. 

I don't know. Sometimes I think, if I had more experience dating, this may not have happened. Who knows? Maybe the slick dude that took her from me would have had more of a battle to take her away?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

ConcernedinMO said:


> Well I guess I just expected my husband to be concerned/jealous etc. a little jealousy is healthy. But when I told him how the lunch went down he basically blamed me. He said that he thought the guy was just a friend and that he didn't see anything wrong with the way I described the lunch to him .. *Even after I told him the guy wanted to go for a walk ... After he paid the tab. *
> He thought "I" was blowing it out of proportion. Maybe I am? I just thought a loving husband would want to beat up a guy who wanted to take his wife for a walk... After having a lengthy lunch with her..
> 
> 
> ...


What do you think was meant by going for a walk?Speak plainly


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

He said he wanted to show me something on the beach. He ended up showing me some fish that were coming to the end of the beach... And I didn't have sun glasses. So he saw me squinting and he threw his hat on my head ... To help with the sun glare. I didn't even have a moment to say "no thank you". 
He said that he wanted me to see this so I could bring my son back to see it... Does that sound like a business lunch to anyone? 

It just felt like he wanted more from me. I remained closed off and said I had to go. 




Malaise said:


> What do you think was meant by going for a walk?Speak plainly


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

ConcernedinMO said:


> He said he wanted to show me something on the beach. He ended up showing me some fish that were coming to the end of the beach... And I didn't have sun glasses. So he saw me squinting and he threw his hat on my head ... To help with the sun glare. I didn't even have a moment to say "no thank you".
> He said that he wanted me to see this so I could bring my son back to see it... Does that sound like a business lunch to anyone?
> 
> It just felt like he wanted more from me. I remained closed off and said I had to go.
> ...


This was my original post 


Re: Husbands would you do this? 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*In other words, does he want to pimp out his wife? *


What happened is more in line with my post than a business lunch


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## ConcernedinMO (Aug 13, 2012)

I agree. As I said in a previous post. I got a very different vibe from the guy. 

But I told my husband that it bothered me that he didn't seem to care. I told him that it felt like he just wanted me to find more money or favor... No matter the consequences or implications. He said that was not true and he thought that it was perfectly fine for me to go out with him ... 

He said "I understand if you don't want to talk to him anymore, but I don't think this sounds like the guy did anything wrong". 

So no matter the guys intentions ... It bothers me that my husband doesn't really care enough to check up on situations like this. 

I'm on the verge of divorce, but I'd be ticked if I found out one of my husbands colleagues was out walking on the beach with him and him having her wear his hat. That would have me sooooo mad!




Malaise said:


> This was my original post
> 
> 
> Re: Husbands would you do this?
> ...


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

I would encourage my wife to network if this was about her job.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Yea, something is off here. If you think your H is "using" you for the money. Split the bills according to income and then separate your finances. 

Oh and the guy wanted more than lunch!


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## Viseral (Feb 25, 2011)

This boils down to simple biology. Men are natural protectors and providers. Women look to men to be these things. This guy isn't doing either. Hence, the OP's EA's with wealthier stronger men.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ConcernedinMO said:


> He said he wanted to show me something on the beach. He ended up showing me some fish that were coming to the end of the beach... And I didn't have sun glasses. So he saw me squinting and he threw his hat on my head ... To help with the sun glare. I didn't even have a moment to say "no thank you".
> He said that he wanted me to see this so I could bring my son back to see it... Does that sound like a business lunch to anyone?
> 
> It just felt like he wanted more from me. I remained closed off and said I had to go.
> ...


It sounds like PUA to me.

No I would not encourage my wife to go to lunch with a guy and then walk on the beach with another man for any reason whatsoever.

I do not see this as "networking" for a real job. What do you do for a living? What did this man want to "thank you"?

What do you do that he would even think this was about a job. I am baffled why you went at all. The lunch while certainly dubious to me was bad enough but taking a walk on the beach? No.


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