# Husband shares everything with his friends



## Becca89 (Sep 9, 2021)

We’ve been together almost 10 years and he’s always been a bit immature around his friends. It’s never really bothered me until I found out he showed one of his co workers a sex tape of us. Even worse is that I found out through the wife of the co worker, who I know very well and believe her to be telling the truth. I’ve confronted him and he brings up old arguments from the past instead of admitting he was wrong. How should I go forward with this? He diverts everything back to being my fault.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Becca89 said:


> We’ve been together almost 10 years and he’s always been a bit immature around his friends. It’s never really bothered me until I found out he showed one of his co workers a sex tape of us. Even worse is that I found out through the wife of the co worker, who I know very well and believe her to be telling the truth. I’ve confronted him and he brings up old arguments from the past instead of admitting he was wrong. How should I go forward with this? He diverts everything back to being my fault.


That's completely inappropriate. Not sure what you do about it, but 99% of people would surely know that it was wrong to do that.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

That’s really awful… your poor thing that would be an awful thing to experience 😔


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Where are these sex tapes? Do you have access to them? I would quietly destroy every single one, and refuse to make more. 

And if it were me, I’d not argue or even discuss this topic.

It would be a hard no in every way.

This was a horrible violation of trust.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Sounds like you married a boy and not a man. 

Agree with minimalME. Destroy the tapes and refuse to make another one. If you don't have kids yet, wait. He needs to grow the F up and you need to decide what you're going to do if he doesn't.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

I feel for the coworker too, that can’t have been comfortable for him either. My husband’s friend had a habit of doing this when he had girlfriends. Terrible.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

As of 2020 41 states made showing explicit footage or images of someone without their consent a crime. 
This can be classed as revenge porn in your case because your husband is using past arguments to justify his actions. 
I would let him know that you will be talking to your local law enforcement department and getting their opinion about this.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> As of 2020 41 states made showing explicit footage or images of someone without their consent a crime.
> This can be classed as revenge porn in your case because your husband is using past arguments to justify his actions.
> I would let him know that you will be talking to your local law enforcement department and getting their opinion about this.


If it were me, I wouldn't tell him this. I'd just go and find out what I need to do to protect myself. And if the recordings are needed as evidence - fine. I'd still cut off his access. And, if possible, find out if he's put it online anywhere.

Telling him about it will simply give him an opportunity to be manipulative.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Talk about marital fidelity which includes not airing dirty laundry to everyone. 

I would destroy every naughty tape / picture you ever made. I would also educate your guy about revenge porn. I understand that he didn't show your tape to the buddy out of revenge. He was probably bragging but the law covers the disclosure of sex tapes without your permission & it's a crime.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Please tell us what argument he uses to claim this is your fault. He's a moron. He'll be a moron until the day he dies. Enjoy your life with this clown.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

he, AND his friends, are scumbags.

there is nothing wrong with being proud of your spouse, and wanting to show off. but any media like a sex tape, the spouse HAS TO SIGN OFF on sharing it, and who it is being shared with. period. no exception.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Becca89 said:


> We’ve been together almost 10 years and he’s always been a bit immature around his friends. It’s never really bothered me until I found out he showed one of his co workers a sex tape of us. Even worse is that I found out through the wife of the co worker, who I know very well and believe her to be telling the truth. I’ve confronted him and he brings up old arguments from the past instead of admitting he was wrong. How should I go forward with this? He diverts everything back to being my fault.


That is the last sex tape we are ever making. 

On his phone? I see a factory reset in its future. He can get busy locating all his contacts #s again.


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## hplove (Jan 19, 2021)

A real man keeps his intimate secrets to himself. This is sad.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

OP may be able to "destroy" any "tapes" if she does find them, but there is really no way to eliminate the possibility that there are tapes/pictures of her on other peoples' phones and/or online somewhere. And once that happens it is a lost cause. (As far as preventing others from seeing them)


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

minimalME said:


> Where are these sex tapes? Do you have access to them? I would quietly destroy every single one, and refuse to make more.
> 
> And if it were me, I’d not argue or even discuss this topic.
> 
> ...


I agree.

I assume he sent other men copies of the sex tape. You should also assume he did.

And what if the original recipients, also start forwarding copies to their buddies.
Soon, the whole community may have access to them.

For your sanity, you may have to move to another far-away place where no one recognizes you, ah but, after you divorce this child.



_Are Dee-_


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Divinely Favored said:


> That is the last sex tape we are ever making.
> 
> On his phone? I see a factory reset in its future. He can get busy locating all his contacts #s again.


If they're on his phone and he's already shared them with friends then there is a very good chance those images are also on the internet. He may have uploaded them to get his ego kibbles from more people or one of his friend may have, if he sent the video to them. So, yeah, you might want to start looking around for your sex tape to have been shared.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, btw. I'd consider this a divorce worthy offence. It's a total and complete breech of trust with absolutely no accountability from him. Only blameshifting and rationalizing. Additionally, he must be very insecure if he feels he has to prove he's studly by showing off his sex tapes. Not the kind of man I'd want in my life.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Damn. 😳

I’d advise divorce. Additionally, when speaking with an attorney, find out if you can press charges against him for this — if so, it would make great leverage in the divorce.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

So sorry @Becca89 that is just awful! It sounds like you are married to a sophmore in HS who just had his first sexual encounter. Unreal! I don't know how you can ever be in the same room with the coworker or his wife again. I hate to say this but he is probably not the only coworker he showed also if he has friends outside of work you can be sure he as showed them as well. Also as someone posted above he could have very well uploaded it to the internet. Finally not to make it possibly even worse if this was recorded on a phone and it sent it to anyone on their phone then they have the ability to send it on to their friends and anyone else they want. This is just terrible! Best of luck! If I were to do something like this to my wife of 34 years I would probably never be heard from again.


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## AndStilliRise (Nov 9, 2020)

Becca89 said:


> We’ve been together almost 10 years and he’s always been a bit immature around his friends. It’s never really bothered me until I found out he showed one of his co workers a sex tape of us. Even worse is that I found out through the wife of the co worker, who I know very well and believe her to be telling the truth. I’ve confronted him and he brings up old arguments from the past instead of admitting he was wrong. How should I go forward with this? He diverts everything back to being my fault.


He is violating you and your trust and gaslighting you to get away with it. Erase any and all nude photos and videos of you and put him on notice.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> If I were to do something like this to my wife of 34 years I would probably never be heard from again.


If you do this to your wife have her give me a PM. I have a shovel and lyme.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

MJJEAN said:


> If you do this to your wife have her give me a PM. I have a shovel and lyme.


I'd be buried so deep no lime would be needed. lol
The shovel yes or a big concrete block might work.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

This is divorce worthy imo. What a complete and utter violation of trust.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Becca89 said:


> We’ve been together almost 10 years and he’s always been a bit immature around his friends. It’s never really bothered me until I found out he showed one of his co workers a sex tape of us. Even worse is that I found out through the wife of the co worker, who I know very well and believe her to be telling the truth. I’ve confronted him and he brings up old arguments from the past instead of admitting he was wrong. How should I go forward with this? He diverts everything back to being my fault.


Wow, I'm horrified for you, Becca. How old are you both? Was your face visible? I'd be sleuthing for more info before I did anything drastic. But I have to agree with others who said this is a divorce-worthy offense. How could you ever trust him again or look any of his friends/co-workers/employees/the mailman in their faces again not knowing who else has seen it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

He thought...

_Hey guys, see what I got! _

Later...

_Hey guys, see what I lost. _

What an idiot! 


This is another result of today's rampant porn folly.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

SunCMars said:


> He thought...
> 
> _Hey guys, see what I got! _
> 
> ...


This is a particular insecurity I don't get.

The guys see the woman their buddy is with. They know her as a person. They know what the buddy has.
The guys know their buddy is in an adult romantic relationship. Adults have sex. They know he's getting laid.
What the hell is the point of showing the video? "Look, guys, I am so insecure I need you to see my partner have sex so you can validate me as a man!"

Well, congratulations, idiot! You've just revealed that you're incredibly insecure. I'm sure they'll all admire you more. /s


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

The op hasn’t said but I reeeeeeeely hope they don’t have kids.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> This is a particular insecurity I don't get.
> 
> The guys see the woman their buddy is with. They know her as a person. They know what the buddy has.
> The guys know their buddy is in an adult romantic relationship. Adults have sex. They know he's getting laid.
> ...


He's trying to bond with his 'bros'. You know - the whole bros before hos bs. Hopefully, his bros wil be happy to jump in and take over the wifely duties.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

So many of our countrymen are foreign to us....

Their values seem always, in the arrears.
Some, up their rears.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> He's trying to bond with his 'bros'. You know - the whole bros before hos bs. Hopefully, his bros wil be happy to jump in and take over the wifely duties.


I knew it was coming. Just had to wait a bit for some more Blondi comedy gold.


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## plastow (Jan 4, 2022)

Becca89 said:


> We’ve been together almost 10 years and he’s always been a bit immature around his friends. It’s never really bothered me until I found out he showed one of his co workers a sex tape of us. Even worse is that I found out through the wife of the co worker, who I know very well and believe her to be telling the truth. I’ve confronted him and he brings up old arguments from the past instead of admitting he was wrong. How should I go forward with this? He diverts everything back to being my fault.


i would think what he has done without your consent is illegal and he could be in serious trouble if you were to inform the police.if he refuses to destroy them and stop his vile act inform the police


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Becca89 said:


> We’ve been together almost 10 years and he’s always been a bit immature around his friends. It’s never really bothered me until I found out he showed one of his co workers a sex tape of us. Even worse is that I found out through the wife of the co worker, who I know very well and believe her to be telling the truth. I’ve confronted him and he brings up old arguments from the past instead of admitting he was wrong. How should I go forward with this? He diverts everything back to being my fault.


I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's not your fault and he knows it, that's why he brings up old arguments. I don't see a way out of this. You have to accept that this is who he is and that he has no respect for you, or leave.


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