# she's making a fool out of me



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

She knows i'm trapped. She has me where she wants me... as the babysitter.
She hates sex. She knows I can't leave. She doesn't even sleep in the same bed.
I'm such a fool!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> She knows i'm trapped. She has me where she wants me... as the babysitter.
> She hates sex. She knows I can't leave. She doesn't even sleep in the same bed.
> I'm such a fool!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What else are you good for?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

treyvion said:


> What else are you good for?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Excuse me?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Seriously....please seek counseling. You need more help than an internet forum can offer.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> Excuse me?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was getting your attention. You know your down talking yourself. Your going through a phase people sometimes go through.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

yep.... you are hitting a depressive cycle.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Like the others are saying - your marriage issues go well beyond the bedroom.

From things you have posted I get this idea that you are not working (looking for work of course but have been unemployed long term) and not doing a lot else around the house except focusing on your lack of sex.

For one - it's not babysitting when it is your kids. It's being a parent. It's 2013 - there are a lot of stay home dads. If your wife is the sole breadwinner at this time the division of labor is already split. It might not be the situation you desire, but it is a fact right now. She is working. You should be doing everything else. Is she coming home from working full time only to make everyone dinner, doing all the household work, etc? If so it is no wonder she's in a different bedroom at this point. 

If you aren't working there is no reason AT ALL to have a daycare provider.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> Like the others are saying - your marriage issues go well beyond the bedroom.
> 
> From things you have posted I get this idea that you are not working (looking for work of course but have been unemployed long term) and not doing a lot else around the house except focusing on your lack of sex.
> 
> ...


Where do you get the gawl to be so presumptuous to come here and assume I don't do anything at home. For your information, I do everything at home!


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> She knows i'm trapped. She has me where she wants me... as the babysitter.
> She hates sex. She knows I can't leave. She doesn't even sleep in the same bed.
> I'm such a fool!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just wondering why in your own mind you can't leave? If you really feel like a fool it's because you think you have no options or control over your own situation (many of us have been there, my friend).


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Time to untrap yourself, OP. Get counseling to help you do this, if necessary. Things can only get worse if you don't, so do it NOW!


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

Philat said:


> Just wondering why in your own mind you can't leave? If you really feel like a fool it's because you think you have no options or control over your own situation (many of us have been there, my friend).


*Thank you for not judging me. I can't leave. I can't find a job. I have no way of financially providing for myself now. Pathetic, I know. And I am attracted to her. I guess she is not with me.*




Cosmos said:


> Time to untrap yourself, OP. Get counseling to help you do this, if necessary. Things can only get worse if you don't, so do it NOW!


*Yes, it is time. I was hoping counseling for both of us. Now, I don't know.*


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Why can't you find a job? Are you mainly looking for what you are qualified for? You might need to settle for whatever is out there at this point to help make you some money so you can start planning your journey to leave. I see jobs all the time on Indeed job search. Yes some require degree's but others do not. I would think some money is better than no money at this point.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

trey69 said:


> Why can't you find a job? Are you mainly looking for what you are qualified for? You might need to settle for whatever is out there at this point to help make you some money so you can start planning your journey to leave. I see jobs all the time on Indeed job search. Yes some require degree's but others do not. I would think some money is better than no money at this point.


You're obviously not a job hunter. You obviously don't know the plight of today's unemployed and how bad it is. You obviously think it's a lot easier for a middle aged man to get a job than it is.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

I just realized something. There comes a point in time when it's not about sex or not getting sex anymore. It goes deeper than that, doesn't it?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> You're obviously not a job hunter. You obviously don't know the plight of today's unemployed and how bad it is. You obviously think it's a lot easier for a middle aged man to get a job than it is.


As a matter of fact I do, and yes, I do think it depends on what people are looking for. If you are looking for something specific then yes it might be harder to get the type of job a person is looking for, but when I see that restaurants, or retail, and other types of jobs that are hiring that do NOT require a degree etc, then it becomes a choice on what someone will and will not take. The bottom line is, sometimes if you are in need of money and there are places hiring, sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and take whats out there to earn some money. 

I hope you seek IC for yourself, at this point you sound bitter and angry, not saying you don't have a right to be, but the anger needs to be channeled in another way besides cutting others down on a internet forum because someone told you something you didn't want to hear. I have seen people here offer you good advice and things to at least try,but I'm not sure you are doing that.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> Where do you get the gawl to be so presumptuous to come here and assume I don't do anything at home. For your information, I do everything at home!


I haven't come over and observed your situation, of course, but have seen several posts of yours in which you state your wife complains and says you do nothing for the household. 

Maybe she IS that much of a ball-buster that you do everything every day and she still is not satisfied. I don't know you or her, obviously. If she is that much of a ball buster I'm not sure why you are trying to work things out with her.

My point remains - it's not called babysitting when you are referring to your own child. That kind of implies you are going out of your way when you are going no more out of your way than any other parent.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she works and you have been taking care of the kids. 

divorce her and try for spoucal suport and child suport.document everything that you do with the kids and how often she goes out or neglects the kids.

time to make a change.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

trey69 said:


> As a matter of fact I do, and yes, I do think it depends on what people are looking for. If you are looking for something specific then yes it might be harder to get the type of job a person is looking for, but when I see that restaurants, or retail, and other types of jobs that are hiring that do NOT require a degree etc, then it becomes a choice on what someone will and will not take. The bottom line is, sometimes if you are in need of money and there are places hiring, sometimes you gotta bite the bullet and take whats out there to earn some money.
> 
> I hope you seek IC for yourself, at this point you sound bitter and angry, not saying you don't have a right to be, but the anger needs to be channeled in another way besides cutting others down on a internet forum because someone told you something you didn't want to hear. I have seen people here offer you good advice and things to at least try,but I'm not sure you are doing that.


I have applied for retail. I thought I was getting the job after the second interview. Like multiple of others they rejected me too.

I am taking advice. I am just a bit slow in the process.
Sorry if I am coming across as angry or bitter. But I tend to be judged and beaten up here.

Oh, and if you do know, then please tell me when you were looking for a job and how long it took you to get hired? Are you looking for a job?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I have applied for retail. I thought I was getting the job after the second interview. Like multiple of others they rejected me too.
> 
> I am taking advice. I am just a bit slow in the process.
> Sorry if I am coming across as angry or bitter. But I tend to be judged and beaten up here.
> ...


Why do you feel they are rejecting you? Is it possible these employers are picking up on a vibe from you that may not come across well? Do you feel you are self confident when you go on interviews? Or do you come across in a different light?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I have applied for retail. I thought I was getting the job after the second interview. Like multiple of others they rejected me too.
> 
> I am taking advice. I am just a bit slow in the process.
> Sorry if I am coming across as angry or bitter. But I tend to be judged and beaten up here.
> ...


Actually I'm not looking for a job, but I know people who have been, and seem to be getting the jobs they are applying for, and no not all of them are degree required jobs. 

I'm sorry if you feel beaten up or judged, maybe if you feel that way, you need to take a break from the forum for awhile. 

Also, the post you made the other day about your wife and the coffee filter, I hope that situation has gotten better.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

trey69 said:


> You might need to settle for whatever is out there at this point to help make you some money


:iagree:

I have had to do that before. I had to take whatever was out there at the time, I had bills to pay. I finally got a better paying job, but it took awhile.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I just realized something. There comes a point in time when it's not about sex or not getting sex anymore. It goes deeper than that, doesn't it?


Dude, we've been saying this since you started posting. You don't respect yourself. So she doesn't respect you. Your kids don't respect you. 

You need to work on yourself for your own sake. You need to find a career counselor to help you figure out why you can get interviews but no jobs. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> *Yes, it is time. I was hoping counseling for both of us. Now, I don't know.*


Deal with yourself first, OP, then take a look at the marriage. You need to find out what came first, the chicken or the egg... It's very hard to try to fix a relationship when our self-esteem has taken a beating.


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I just realized something. There comes a point in time when it's not about sex or not getting sex anymore. It goes deeper than that, doesn't it?


It could be about feeling desired, loved and appreciated by your spouse. By facing rejection often you begin to doubt if any of those exist.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> She knows i'm trapped. She has me where she wants me... as the babysitter.
> She hates sex. She knows I can't leave. She doesn't even sleep in the same bed.
> I'm such a fool!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First, Hi and I am sorry your here and going through this....but there are a lot of great people here who will be your internet friends and try to give advise from their experiences. Take what advice fits and the ones that don't well just smile and read on. ;-) 

For me...hang in there and remember when you go through times of unemployment that your self worth and value as a person are not baised on your income....its on who you are as a person inside. Don't tie the two together. Have you tried looking into service jobs ....like working at a nursing home or with assisted living facilities?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I just realized something. There comes a point in time when it's not about sex or not getting sex anymore. It goes deeper than that, doesn't it?


Yes it might but the only way to know is to clearly openly communicate with her about the relationship. First step is work on your self and self esteem and engage in open dialogue with her. I was blindly not doing this in my marriage and it is such a big advantage being able to openly tell her what I need and listening to what she needs. It's not easy but that might tell you what is left of the marriage


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I have known several people in the last few years looking for jobs. Those that remained long term unemployed thought they were too good to take anything...I mean anything....work fast food, retail, janitor, construction, farm labor, etc.... Don't think you can only do one particular job.


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