# How do I get over him?



## Sadnow (Jan 30, 2012)

Hi, I'm new to this website. I am currently separated from my husband. We have a 3month old together. I moved out 6wks after giving birth. I suppose it was instinct that led me to do so. I had been putting up with a lot of stuff for the past two years and finally had it. His parents are constantly visiting us and he is extremely dependent on them emotionally. If he has a problem, he consults them instead of speaking to me about it. If we have an argument, he tells them about it. There are no boundaries. He claims that because I talk to my mom (whom he dislikes) often, I do the same. However, I don't! Marital affairs are private in my view and so I don't discuss it with my mom. He has a son from a previous relationship who lives with his maternal grandparents. He announced 3 weeks after I had given birth, that he will be filing for full custody (although the child will remain with his grandparents) without even talking to me about it. I was so angry and hurt. It was obvious that he had spoken to his parents about it, too. He had grown increasingly distant during the pregnancy and now, he barely talks to me when he drops our son off. I'm hurting so badly because I miss the things we do together and the times when he did appear to care. How do I get over this? Logically, I know he no longer respects or care for me but emotionally, I can't seem to accept it. Help!


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

How old are you and your husband? Have you ever seen a marriage counselor? If not, any plans to? How long have you been together?


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## Sadnow (Jan 30, 2012)

I am in my early 30's and he is in his late 30's. I have asked him to go and see a counselor but he told me that unless I am willing to admit that I was at fault for things, there is no point. He has basically told me that I am the root of all the problems we are having....which is strange since I feel that I have bent over backwards to accomodate his and his family wants. We have been together 4 years. It was really good at the beginning but within the last year, he wasn't attentive or caring at all especially with me being pregnant. It was almost like he had removed himself emotionally. This also coincided with the relationship between his parents and I becoming strained. It almost seemed, during our relationship, that I could only be on good terms with him if I were on good terms with his parents. I don't know how to work this out. Telling him to become less dependent on his parents just makes him resent me for "trying to tear his family apart". Besides, I shouldn't have to tell him to put his immediate family (me and our son) first...that should be an innate response. I am so lost and confused. Not sure what direction to take at the moment! Should I try to work it out or just accept that a divorce is inevitable? Do people really change? So many people in relationships have sworn that in the end, people tend not to change. Circumstances do but people don't. Do you agree?


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## justwhy (Dec 7, 2011)

people don't change.. as people get older it harder to mask. I spoke to my ex 1st wife about things I went through and she told me stories that was so similar. it was like she was telling my story but it was her.


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