# He's gone.



## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

My lying husband just left. About five minutes ago. I will post my thoughts and recall what just happened through my post.
I went to my first class of the semester tonight. All went well, I really enjoyed it.
I came home, talked about some interesting things I learned tonight. H goes outside for a cigarette while I check my laptop. While he's gone I find my history has been deleted, and he installed a "Recover my filers" program. When he gets back inside I ask him WTF he was doing on my laptop and why he cleared my history. I said WTF is this? Why were you trying to restore my files?? (I just got this lap top YESTERDAY) He said it's because I deleted my history and he said he wanted to see it.
I said, no, I didn't delete my history. And even if I DID delete my history it's none of your damn business because you delete your phone's history ALL.THE.TIME.
So we got into a debate about that, going back and forth about going through each other's crap.I finally said it pisses me off because I'm not the one doing anything!
Fast forward about 5 or 10 minutes, I finally told him that I don't trust him and i -know- he is still talking to people online and has accounts. He says he knows I was watching him and that's why he made the accounts. I literally started laughing.
I asked him how many accounts he's made in the last month and he said like 30 (just to fck with me)
Because he knew I was watching him.

I said, oh really.... I JUST logged into your POF account TODAY. I just found out about it TODAY. 

And for the record you guys, I've only been watching for about a week and he had no idea. Lol.

Anyways, I told him for the past week or so I've been contemplating what will happen as far as separation. I told him don't wory you will get to see your son. Come over and spend some time with him everyday, it's totally cool. He tells me he loves me and he can't live with out me.

Asked me if i want him to leave and I said I will never be able to trust him. He offered getting rid of his smartphone and not using internet anymore to win my trust back. Told him it's not gonna happen, I tried reconciling before and just got stabbed in the back and I can't take it anymore.

Fast forward some more, he left. 

Here's to preparing for a long night of manipulation and stupid lies and denial. I don't want him to try slithering back into my life. I told him i'm not even happy anymore. 

I'm half dead.
He just texted me. Here it goes.....

Edit to add:
He told me he wasn't even cheating.
I told him a lot of people consider it cheating and I don't like it one bit either. I said it's not my style and I asked him to stop before and he promised he would but he didn't. I don't like that either. 
I told him I think he has an addiction. He got all.... weird. He said 'i'm just going to go you think i'm a total pervert or whatever" completely denying it.

And now: He is just driving around because there's no room at his parents house. All the bedrooms are full (his aunt and his brother are currently living in the extra rooms.)

I don't want to be by him. I don't want to let him be here because he has nowhere to go. I don't want him face to face with me trying to feed me stupid bul**** anymore!


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

Well... how about you not respond and go to sleep? Drink some NyQuil and conk-out. Gather some of your strength. I doubt he has anything important to say, anyway.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't respond. You have the control.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Why do they do it?

We'll be here for you.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

He thinks I was watching him through google, which I wasn't...
Which goes to show he didn't have a clue i was watching him. I even told him it wasn't through google... but somehow he didn't catch that.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Your partner sounds much like my ex. He's making excuses and blaming you which is total manipulation. Now he's trying to make you feel sorry for him so he can play the victim. Your partner created the mess that he's in, it is not your job to dig him out of it.

I'd suggest you turn off your cell and turn the ringer off of your land-line for the night. There is no need to participate in a cyclical argument full of his manipulations and lies. Get some rest and focus on your son. 

Take some time to think of boundaries that you'd like to establish. Write them down if need be and think things through with a clear head. Make those the topic of any future conversations. Unless he wants to be honest, accountable and apologetic, there is really no need to hear what he has to say.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

He's telling me 'it's just a fetish and it means nothing'


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Text him the location of the nearest fleabag hotel


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

Tell him to get bent. Or better still, ignore him and maintain peace of mind.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I did tell him to get f**ked. Also to get a hotel, he's harshing my mellow and to STFU.
He's begging me to take him back, we're going to get old together.
He wants to come back to sleep with our son.
Ugh.

Thanks guys.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

ugh. Just drama.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Let me get this right. You have been tracking his on line action for a week or so?
Who was he screwing and do you know who she (or he) is and where they work?
If he wasn't involved in any physical activity with another person, you sure are good at discovery before your "cheater" can stray very far.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

"I have a fetish for cheating"

Well that's encouraging........


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

He thinks it's harmless. He doesn't consider it cheating. 
WHY THE HELL WAS HE PUTTING FILE RECOVERY ON MY COMPUTER.
WTF!
What could he even find with that? Lol, seriously.
I got this laptop yesterday.

And he thinks since he wasn't using his real identity it's all ****ing gravy.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Complexity said:


> "I have a fetish for cheating"
> 
> Well that's encouraging........


My thoughts exactly....I find it interesting that he used the word "pervert" to describe how he thinks YOU think of HIM...well, anyone sick enough to create mock profiles and string along single women, including their sister-in-law, not sure what other word to use.

It's sad how serious his problems are. He's absolutely pathetic.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Stay strong, turn off your phones, get a good night's rest.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Hope you were able to sleep. This just reminds me of some of the same crap my H pulled years ago.. just before we separated in 2010. He discovered online personals, for "attention". Ended up in counseling where our counselor spelled out what "cheating" is in a marriage and would you know he still didn't stop browsing personals or communicating with these skanks? And the marriage was over. Went back to counseling and she spelled that out too. 

We had withdrawn our entire divorce case and he was still playing online  He did stop at the point I contacted my previous divorce attorney to refile.. things changed, not just the browsing.. but a lot of other stuff. My H use to pick fights to leave the house.. he would text me things like yours does.. "I need you", "I love you", "I'm sorry".. blah, it gets old. 

And here we are. We no longer have high speed internet, or a computer laying around to jump online, we have complete transparency on both sides. I don't know if he would classify it as an addiction he was falling into, but he certainly knows it was harming our marriage and his time with the babies.

Good luck to you!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sick. said:


> He thinks it's harmless. He doesn't consider it cheating.


I TOLD you this is what he'd say/something similar. 

Dude was going as far as to spit game to your sister. He is fvcked in the head.

Girl, you are only 21. Dump this zero. Find your hero.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Did he know you just got it yesterday? Just curious. If he did, then he's got some marbles missing.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Girl, you are only 21. Dump this zero. Find your hero.


 Yep.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Going on the 13th year of my husband's "innocent" internet use. He seems to have disregarded his not so innocent use and his continual dumping of the internet history. He also threw at me "you think I am a pervert" crap. It only got worse, more hidden, as the years went by.

File recovery is supposed to restore your computer to "brand new" system operations. It has nothing to do with him spying on you.

He may have done something on your computer that he was worried may have left a permanent footprint. Do you have a webcam/microphone built in? If so, this is where my bet goes.

I have busted my husband with this scenario several times in the past:

Husband goes live with a woman on the webcam. He does or does not capture the video of his little home movie. He can delete the video or save it on a flash drive. He always got busted though because the program he uses captures the last date the program was used. Back in the day, skype wasn't born yet so there were programs you had to use to webcam with someone. Same rules apply to skype though. If you see he was on skype or the webcam program when you were in class by viewing the modified date through windows explorer....busted and can't really back out of it so much.

Doesn't really matter though, I just wanted you to be aware.

Take good care of yourself! Be strong! Study! And kiss and love that little one of yours as often as possible.

One question though....what did he say about flirting with your sister?


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

Hi Sick, sorry for how it went down but at least, you're free now and it's only a matter of time until he leaves you alone.
I side with you on your decision and you're doing great so far.

- He doesn't get a third chance. 
- You're not his parent to take away his smartphone and "internet previleges". If he couldn't do it by himself, his bad. 
- It's not his job to define his actions for you. He's not your dictionnary. You made it clear what kind of behavior suits you and what doesn't. Don't let him win you with his twisted rationals. Betraying someone's trust and deceiving him through lies and hiding is the engine that powers cheating.
- It's noble of you to leave your child out of it and he should be grateful that you don't give him a taste of his medicine.

Be strong and never flinch on what your guts tell you. Block his number if he's tiring you. If he wishes to talk to you about seeing your child, he should go to a payphone. Exercice for him, peace of mind for you. Win/win situation.

Keep us updated.




sick. said:


> He thinks it's harmless. He doesn't consider it cheating.
> WHY THE HELL WAS HE PUTTING FILE RECOVERY ON MY COMPUTER.
> WTF!
> What could he even find with that? Lol, seriously.
> ...


Because deep down he knows and is convinced that what he's doing is cheating on you and deceiving you but in his infinite insecurity and self-centerdness he's projecting his actions on you and doesn't like what he's imagining one bit.
Your ex has a f***ed up moral compass and twisted ethics. You're better without him.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I didn't even get a chance to print the stuff out. I wasn't even ready to discuss this with him yet! It just happened because he was putting crap on my laptop. I decided why wait, and just told him right there.
He told me he 'knows what I've been doing\watching him'
I'm guessing somehow on POF gave it away that I logged on to his account.
His excuse for talking to my sister was that he knew I was watching him, so he did it to mess with me. Which is bul****.
When I told him I just logged on yesterday and just found out about it yesterday he gave me a deer in the headlights look. The account was created Last friday.It appears to me he would make accounts and delete them after a short period of time, and then start new ones.

I told him I know he doesn't know that I've been watching him.

As far as looking at things on my laptop that he wants to get rid of, that's probably not the case because I'm tracking all activity and everything. 

He thoroughly believes it isn't wrong.
I asked him if he even felt bad when he did it and he said he didn't because he didn't see what the problem is.

Since he watches my little one while I'm at school, I'm considering putting a password on my laptop.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

he was likely scouring your laptop to see what you know and how to lie around what you have uncovered


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

fwiw, you may considering starting a new thread in the private section or moving this one there as if was actively looking into what you were doing he may know about TAM


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## heaven1 (Sep 27, 2012)

sick. said:


> He thoroughly believes it isn't wrong.
> I asked him if he even felt bad when he did it and he said he didn't because he didn't see what the problem is.


I understand this only too well! 

Me: Please stop
Him: Okay
Me: You have not stopped
Him: Yes I have!
Me: No you have not! Here is the proof.
Him: Oh well it doesn't mean anything. We are only friends and you are suspicious because you had an affair.
Me: Yes after years and years of your bs
Him: You are always suspicious of me and I only lied because you are spying.

ARRGGHHH! Except I don't want a divorce. I just want it to end!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

heaven1 said:


> ARRGGHHH! Except I don't want a divorce. I just want it to end!


why would he stop if he faces no consequences? the fact you won't divorce is the very reason he continues to do it


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

sick. said:


> His excuse for talking to my sister was that he knew I was watching him, so he did it to mess with me.


Every serial cheater says that. 

I just made it LOOK like I was cheating, to catch YOU.

Yeah, and I got a bridge...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> he was likely scouring your laptop to see what you know and how to lie around what you have uncovered


 Or installing a keylogger on your computer.


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

turnera said:


> Or installing a keylogger on your computer.


Looks that way to me. Explains messing with your _new_ laptop


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> why would he stop if he faces no consequences? the fact you won't divorce is the very reason he continues to do it


I don't know whether I want to smack myself or hug you but truer words have never been written. The pain I could have saved myself had I really known this.

I love my husband so much it shakes me to my core but I trained him to disregard me by not respecting myself and establishing clear parameters. More importantly, by not backing up repeated threats.

So all these years while I wanted so desparately to make it all right I was doing all the things that actually will lead to our divorce. Putting up with his crap for so long was the single worse mistake I made.

Oh well, live and learn. At least I figured it out early enough that I won't make the same mistakes twice. That is something good I guess.


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## heaven1 (Sep 27, 2012)

Falene... It seems you and I are on the same ride! Are you still in the marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

So what's the game plan now?


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

heaven1 said:


> Falene... It seems you and I are on the same ride! Are you still in the marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sent a pm, didn't want to muck up someone else's thread!


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

Okay. Everything will be okay. Thanks for all the support, guys.
Heaven1 & Falene: You will be recieiving PMs from me as well!


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## heaven1 (Sep 27, 2012)

I think it will be okay but okay is subjective  I look forward to receiving the PM


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Yeah, if that laptop is only a couple days old I would take it back to the store and have them reformat the drive, start over from scratch, password protect it with a very strong password. Maybe install your own keylogger just to be sure.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

GO sick.... go sick.... go sick.... Congrats on getting that worthless man out of your life. You fall in love and everyone seems to just overlook or accept the bad stuff. Then it rears its head and in your case he became toxic. He does have an addiction and he will have to find someway to overcome it. I just feel bad that he didn't work harder to save his marriage. I would expose expose expose now to anyone who will listen. Good luck job well done. I hope other people who are struggling with the nerve to confront can use this for support.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

South Pacific - I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out Of My Hair - Complete Audio - YouTube


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