# Women 50+; tired or excuses?



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Yes, this is a spin off of @snowbum 's thread. "Men 50+; tired or excuses"

Some other threads have been gender flipped to look into big picture from both directions so let's see if this is informative.

Edited to add snowbum's original post.



snowbum said:


> I know my desires picked up at 50More adventurous. Dh had stressful job. At least twice a mon
> 
> 
> snowbum said:
> ...


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

As a 48 year old woman I have quite a few gf's over 50 and they tell me their sex drive is through the roof. I know mine is pretty high right now.

In fairness my interests are athletic so my friends are heaith minded to various degrees and I really don't have any friends who are materially overweight or inactive. Not only does health help one's sex drive, women's body image becomes more important with age. We can't control getting older but if we feel ok about our bodies that goes a long way.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

My interest has increased. I’m also more active( run 5 days a week gearing for 1/2 marathon). I know one day things will change and I don’t want to waste time while I’m healthy.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

And I don’t know if this an excuse but if I’m tired( usually both of us ) I’ll make a suggestive “ be ready for a wake up call”.


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

I'm in my early 50's and have no interest in actual sex. I do like affection.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

heather42 said:


> I'm in my early 50's and have no interest in actual sex. I do like affection.


Why is that? Are you married?


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

My wife is always tired so uses that as an excuse. But she doesn't do anything about it so I would attribute that to lack of interest. She has told me that at her age sex just isn't important any more. I have heard a friend or two of hers joke about the same thing that their hubby always wants it and its funny to them.

So maybe its also who you hang around? If all her friends were talking about and having sex, maybe that would inspire her?


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> As a 48 year old woman I have quite a few gf's over 50 and they tell me their sex drive is through the roof. I know mine is pretty high right now.
> 
> In fairness my interests are athletic so my friends are heaith minded to various degrees and I really don't have any friends who are materially overweight or inactive. Not only does health help one's sex drive, women's body image becomes more important with age. We can't control getting older but if we feel ok about our bodies that goes a long way.


I would say this is 100000% true!


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> Why is that? Are you married?


Happily married. 

I'm old enough to remember life prior to Facebook but young enough to have posted inappropriate pictures of myself in the past.I've had years reading different forums about sex stuff and seen lots of naked people. Maybe the over sexualization of the internet has made sex boring to me? 

Real life has brought different and satisfying activities into my world.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I would say this is 100000% true!


A 56 year old gf of mine's hb just went through an illness that required a lot of treatment. Prior to that they'd been having sex several times a week.

He wasn't up for sex during months of treatment and she went bat **** crazy. We'd go to dinner and she'd rail about how she wasn't getting any and was ready to throw him out.

Now she wasn't really going to throw him out and she knew it wasn't his fault...she'd just vent to me then go home and take care of him. I told her to let him recover and keep her mind on something else.

He finally finished treatment and has recovered enough to resume sex. We had dinner recently and she was a different person. She told me he'd ****ed the *****y out of her 🤣


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

lifeistooshort said:


> A 56 year old gf of mine's hb just went through an illness that required a lot of treatment. Prior to that they'd been having sex several times a week.
> 
> He wasn't up for sex during months of treatment and she went bat **** crazy. We'd go to dinner and she'd rail about how she wasn't getting any and was ready to throw him out.
> 
> ...


Is she one of the ones that exercises regularly?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Is she one of the ones that exercises regularly?


Yes, some. She does yoga a couple times a week and takes easy bike rides. She had a hip replacement so she's limited in what she can do. I go to yoga with her once in a while but I run and ride so much I have limited time left.

But she watches her diet and looks pretty good. It doesn't take a ton of effort.

Every gf of mine I can think of does something to stay active.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

heather42 said:


> Happily married.
> 
> I'm old enough to remember life prior to Facebook but young enough to have posted inappropriate pictures of myself in the past.I've had years reading different forums about sex stuff and seen lots of naked people. Maybe the over sexualization of the internet has made sex boring to me?
> 
> Real life has brought different and satisfying activities into my world.


Your husband doesn't mind?


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> Your husband doesn't mind?


He's the same.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I also see scattered throughout threads when a H initiates and is rebuffed 4 out of 5 times, or more..(some W's have said they stopped sex years ago) the H is supposed to suck it up and not let it affect him in any way.......here it seems like there's a slight window into how a W thinks and gets feelings hurt if she's rebuffed say 1 out of 4 times, and women's hurt feelings seem to be accepted and approved.

Which seems to be completely different socially accepted feelings by the rejected, solely based on gender.

An interesting topics maybe.

Why different?

Eta correct spelling.


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## Zabu (25 d ago)

And, sometimes excuses are not excuses....
I have a very bad back which began to bother me 3 years ago. 2 discs have disintegrated, severe arthritis and chronic sacroiliac inflammation from trying to compensate for the pain. I was on long term disability and when that ran out, my employer paid me to leave.
As a result, our sex life wasn't what it once was...I often did the "grin and bear it" thing because I knew it was important to him and our relationship. We tried "other things" but that obviously wasn't enough because he went looking elsewhere. So...Just saying that sometimes those excuses are valid.
Editted to add: H told me he felt hurt when I would say no and when I said yes, he said it felt like I was doing him a favor. (Which I kind of was, considering how much pain I was in. Pain which he knew about.)

Zabu


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

heather42 said:


> He's the same.


All good then!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My wife is always tired so uses that as an excuse. But she doesn't do anything about it so I would attribute that to lack of interest. She has told me that at her age sex just isn't important any more. I have heard a friend or two of hers joke about the same thing that their hubby always wants it and its funny to them.
> 
> So maybe its also who you hang around? If all her friends were talking about and having sex, maybe that would inspire her?


I probably told you this already... when my wife decided to cancel our sex life unilaterally, she said that all her colleagues at work didn't have sex with their husbands any more. We were 55 at the time. Her colleagues were roughly the same age, but some were younger.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> I probably told you this already... when my wife decided to cancel our sex life unilaterally, she said that all her colleagues at work didn't have sex with their husbands any more. We were 55 at the time. Her colleagues were roughly the same age, but some were younger.


I recall you mentioning that and believe this as since being here, I have start talking to my male friends and almost all complain of poor married sex lives. They hear about mine and say I should shut up and be happy with what I have as its better than theirs.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

lifeistooshort said:


> As a 48 year old woman I have quite a few gf's over 50 and they tell me their sex drive is through the roof. I know mine is pretty high right now.
> 
> In fairness my interests are athletic so my friends are heaith minded to various degrees and I really don't have any friends who are materially overweight or inactive. Not only does health help one's sex drive, women's body image becomes more important with age. We can't control getting older but if we feel ok about our bodies that goes a long way.


I've found weight to be irrelevant to my actual sex drive and I've been from skinny to fat many times. My sex drive changes with age, and the practicality of having sex changes with overall health, such as arthritis, bad knees, etc. But the biggest thing that brings my sex drive to the fore is if I am interested in someone.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Yes, this is a spin off of @snowbum 's thread. "Men 50+; tired or excuses"
> 
> Some other threads have been gender flipped to look into big picture from both directions so let's see if this is informative.


60yo female human here! 

I wouldn't say I'm "too tired" but I will say that when I was 45yo or so, I was horny and thought of myself as pretty HD--I'd say I would have been happy with once-a-day at that time. Now, 15 years later, I still have desire, but rather than feeling like an URGE, it feels more like something I would deeply enjoy 2 or 3 times a week.

Also "what I crave" has changed too. It used to be a definite urge for a rigorous physical romp (envision swinging from the rafters). Now what I honestly crave is closeness! It can be emotional depth--spiritual depth--intellectual depth--or physical depth. And physically it can be monkey sex or romantic, slower making love...both are something I crave. 

I think when I was younger, it was moreso about what * I * felt I needed (or wanted) and scratching my own itch with my partner. Now the focus has changed 100% to what * WE * need or want or what my partner needs or wants--and that attitude is also reflected back to me. So if the focus goes from "I have an itch and NEED it scratched!!!" to "I would like to share something with you" and it's more couple-focused, it just does kind of change the feeling of urgency too. 

Honestly, I think that's just aging and maturing, don't you?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

I am 53yrs old, and I love and want sex as much as I did when I was 20. I have never noticed my sex drive going away, whether I was tired, pregnant, breastfeeding, busy, stressed, PMSing, etc etc. I probably wasn't thinking about sex all the time during those times, but I was always excited to have sex even then. And I don't anticipate my drive going away even after menopause.

My sex drive isn't based on a "turned on" feeling in my body...it's based on how much I love and enjoy touching and sex, which I don't believe will ever go away. Having sex makes me feel happy and alive and connected with my body and my partner.

However I will admit that it definitely kicks into overdrive when I am with my guy and I know he wants me!! At those times, I enjoy having sex as much and for as long as he wants to!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

heather42 said:


> He's the same.


Be careful about that. He will be the same, until he isn't.


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> Be careful about that. He will be the same, until he isn't.


LOL! 

Then things will change I suppose.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

heather42 said:


> I'm in my early 50's and have no interest in actual sex. I do like affection.


I am curious, if you don't mind -- how long have you felt no interest in sex...has it been your whole life or only the past few years? And do you ever masturbate?


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

heather42 said:


> He's the same.


Another question (as long as you don't mind!) -- have you ever discussed it specifically with him and he's said he feels the same way? Or are you just assuming because he doesn't attempt to have sex anymore?


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

LisaDiane said:


> Another question (as long as you don't mind!) -- have you ever discussed it specifically with him and he's said he feels the same way? Or are you just assuming because he doesn't attempt to have sex anymore?


We have a good marriage because we do talk about all subjects which includes sex. We're on the same page.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

heather42 said:


> LOL!
> 
> Then things will change I suppose.


Yeah but hopefully you will find out when you still have some input.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> My wife is always tired so uses that as an excuse. But she doesn't do anything about it so I would attribute that to lack of interest. She has told me that at her age sex just isn't important any more. I have heard a friend or two of hers joke about the same thing that their hubby always wants it and its funny to them.
> 
> So maybe its also who you hang around? If all her friends were talking about and having sex, maybe that would inspire her?


Same here - wife is always tired or has a raging headache. Now, to be fair, we're mid 50's with 11 year old twin boys and nowhere to dump them off on occasion (i.e. grandparents) so they're always with us. Also, she leaves for work around 5:30 each morning. That said, your comment about your wife's friends joking about their husbands always wanting sex sounds familiar - my wife's best work friend says that she's done with sex at age 50, while another close friend who's our age I'd venture to guess hasn't had sex with her husband in years (and she's an attractive woman). Have a buddy of mine who's a couple of years younger who says that his wife is never in the mood, and he makes it sound like it's been years for him. I know that we haven't had sex in just over two years as she says that she needs to have some drinks to loosen up, but then never has said drinks.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

For you women who crave sex after 50; was there a point in your past where you had no libido? Trying to see if my no libido wife who is in her 40s will possibly have a change in libido. She’s had little to no libido since the first month of our marriage over 20 years ago.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

GoodDad5 said:


> For you women who crave sex after 50; was there a point in your past where you had no libido? Trying to see if my no libido wife who is in her 40s will possibly have a change in libido. She’s had little to no libido since the first month of our marriage over 20 years ago.


This cannot be a serious question....have you even truly considered what you are asking?

Your wife hasn't wanted to have sex with you since the first month of your marriage over 20yrs ago, and you are asking if her libido will change?? You have your answer already. NO, she is happy not having sex with you, and she doesn't care how you feel about it. She will not change.

Even when I had a lower libido in my past (when I was breastfeeding and just after I had my babies), I was still always excited to have sex with my husband....because I cared about him and desired him as a man. His feelings and needs mattered to me very much. 

You have tolerated your wife not caring about your feelings or needs for so long now, which has taught her that YOU don't care about your own feelings or needs....so nothing will ever change.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

GoodDad5 said:


> For you women who crave sex after 50; was there a point in your past where you had no libido? Trying to see if my no libido wife who is in her 40s will possibly have a change in libido. She’s had little to no libido since the first month of our marriage over 20 years ago.


20 years she hasn't wanted sex with you. That's never going to change, and as an intelligent adult who can read and write you should know that. If I were you I'd explore, in counseling, what made you ask such a question (re inability to face the reality of your wife).


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