# Why do I try?



## Dark Matter (Mar 1, 2009)

I have stayed with the same lady for over 31 years.
Our lives where something out of o Romeo and Juliet novel.
When we met it was magic and the world was to be ours to share.
I now live with a monster that has the ability to change my chemical balance anytime she wants from a mellow life loving person to a angry hermit that wants to leave for someone better.
She has pushed me away over the years and today I feel she has done a good job of it.
I often find myself falling in love with other woman. At the moment there are two who make me feel alive again. One has the eyes of fire that make you stair hypnotically into them for what seems hours. The other has me close to accepting the warmth and love she sends my way. I also have a wonderful lady who can burn my desires to a glowing white passion of heat.
I am easy going and love life for what it gives freely, like the stars at night and a nice cool blunt to make you bust out with laughter while making love as it was when you were the only two on this planet for the one brief moment.
Still want to make it work but the temptation is getting to me.

Hope someone can give me some guidance as I have always helped when I could.


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## T-Dub (Feb 2, 2009)

I can undertand what you are going through! I guess if you can look in the mirror and say that its not wrong to do, then do it. But would you feel guilty if you did it. Do you feel guilty now when you talk with these dishes? There are so many wonderfull women out there!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Your post caught my attention because parts of it could have been written by my estranged husband. With that being said, I'm going to give an opinion from another prospective. 

I'm wondering WHY your wife is behaving as she is. When I got to that point, it was because I was throughly fed up with a number of things. Over 22 years things were allowed to build up until I was one very angry person. My day typically began at 4:30am and ended at 10:30pm. Those days were filled with nothing but stress. I worked 60 hours per week and was the family's servant. I was allowed no time for me!

Then three years ago, my husband began having affairs. His ego exploded and he distanced himself from me even farther. It destroyed our family and business. I can't even begin to express the bitterness I felt at the time. He just called me "Bi-polar" and continued on with his merry life. However, I found a very caring therapist (& church) to help me put my life back in order. My husband is the one who refused counseling! And now I know I'm not crazy or bi-polar for counseling has revealed I had lived a life with a person with the "Peter Pan Syndrome". 

If you haven't already had an affair, it sounds as though you are close. Once you go there things are only going to get worse. Therefore, do the right thing. Either go to counseling and explore what the real problems are or get a divorce. Counseling should be the first choice. If there are are problems and they don't get fixed, they will surface again in another relationship. 

Hope you find peace, balance, and happiness in your life....


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## Dark Matter (Mar 1, 2009)

T-Dub said:


> I can undertand what you are going through! I guess if you can look in the mirror and say that its not wrong to do, then do it. But would you feel guilty if you did it. Do you feel guilty now when you talk with these dishes? There are so many wonderfull women out there!


Thank you for your reply.
I don't want to cheat on her but I am confused by the passion before me.
If I had to make a choice it would be my wife and only her.
I just don't know how long I have to be with her.
About feeling guilty, not until after and everything is quiet.
I love her but feel somehow responsible for her always.
Tonight things got even stranger as one of the Spanish ladies at a function pushed me up against the tiles in the bathroom and kissed me like a love starved survivor from a shipwreck!
This is one that I don't want and now have to avoid her every tuesday and thursday. Some of you ladies are more cunning and dirtier than you let on! If it was reversed it would me some sort of rape. Still the kiss didn't last long as she make her intentions known of the true nature of her kinky desire. I was too far gone to complain as this was something she wanted and I was just glad to get her off my face. Its feeling as if got is testing me and there is more to come.
I'm from a generation of free love and experimentation but my wife's upbringing is British and strict!
Sorry for rambling but thanks for listening.


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## Dark Matter (Mar 1, 2009)

827Aug said:


> Your post caught my attention because parts of it could have been written by my estranged husband. With that being said, I'm going to give an opinion from another prospective.
> 
> I'm wondering WHY your wife is behaving as she is. When I got to that point, it was because I was throughly fed up with a number of things. Over 22 years things were allowed to build up until I was one very angry person. My day typically began at 4:30am and ended at 10:30pm. Those days were filled with nothing but stress. I worked 60 hours per week and was the family's servant. I was allowed no time for me!
> 
> ...



We have done therapy and counseling but she could not find someone the she feels comfortable with. I have always agreed and still do as far as any sort of help. The Church is something that has come into play but it scares me. People go to pray for forgiveness and yes ALL that is in this board is covered by a beautiful place to worship. The devil lurks within the wall of the church and prays on emotions of tragedy and sorrows. One of the priest at the Church that we attended had an affair with the Sunday school teacher. Now that just shows you that we are of flesh and blood and plead never forget our desire to give and receive love even if its sexual. I find myself in situation that are strange. I had a woman from the CBC channel 5 offer me drinks in a silver tray. She was completely naked and expected me to fill her secret desires because my ******* boss too off with her husband and left me alone in the condo to finish the pot lights. Because me and my wife were friends and lovers I took a good look and finished the job. Why not some other worker? But if you start a friendship and fall involve then I am like a lost puppy.
Honey my life is a miricle and I just am finding it hard to say no as tomorrow may never come and I cant live with regrets.
Im glad you have moved on because I was abusive. Sorry.
I just love life and love to its fullest. Ive seen enought death to last me a lifetime with more on its way and Its me always who is ther holding there dying hand a listening to their confessions.
Good bless the fallen as time is just an illusion.

Sorry for the rambling but the sleeping pill is starting to work and what is coming out is hopefully not senseless.


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## TIME (Mar 2, 2009)

Dark Matter said:


> I have stayed with the same lady for over 31 years.
> Our lives where something out of o Romeo and Juliet novel.
> When we met it was magic and the world was to be ours to share.
> I now live with a monster that has the ability to change my chemical balance anytime she wants from a mellow life loving person to a angry hermit that wants to leave for someone better.
> ...


Does she want to be the Juliet she once was with you?

Are you the Romeo she once knew?

Or are you both who you now, and there is not much chance of changing?

Can you look at who she is today as if meeting her for the first time and say "this is exactly the person I want to spend my life with?"
If both, then why waste her time or your, there is someone better suited for you out there.

I also say, if you can so easily "fall in love" with other women, you are not in love with your wife the way she deserves to be loved. 

Doesn't sound hopeful. Have you done counseling together? Do either of you want to?


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## Dark Matter (Mar 1, 2009)

TIME said:


> Does she want to be the Juliet she once was with you?
> 
> Are you the Romeo she once knew?
> 
> ...



If she finds someone else then so be it. I just have to wait. I know she is a wonderful person and loves from the heart.
I once was her Romeo but now fell more like Romeo in a porn movie. I know its a quick patch but I have no more willpower to say "NO!" If I do then I am doing it wrong as they don't take the hint or get angry with me later. Nothing is worse the a woman scorned! The daggers are endless not to mention the mind games.

OK! I still think of her as my Juliet and will feel a part of me dies if and when she leaves but she was a HUGE part of my life. My angle and the most precious friend I ever wanted.
I got hooked on her and she never left my side.

Why is it that when a woman seduces a married man its because she needs something that her husband could not give her but turn it around and its therapy time?

I am fighting for our relationship and she knows it. I do anything I can for her but she just wont her open up the way she use to. I wand my friend back first and then we can work on the rest.

For a couple of year its nothing but funerals and divorce? I have never turned anyone away who asked or needed help.
Funny thing is I am a healer but not for myself. If I had more time I would tell you all the time I spend helping friends who are suicidal, off their bathroom floor. Sit all nite with a friend whos wife poundid him with a curry pot across the head. Another one has lost everything to a nasty coniving bloodsucking creaton. Confessions of adultery before passing on and sitting in ICU for days holding hands with a loved one and praying for hope. I am tired!! Honestly tired. With more to come. So they may be crimes of passion but it feels so right at the moment. My mind is clouded with the passion and desire that these ladies give. They are all married and dont want to leave their husbands. We talk and then some more, after that its a fantasy come true. I have done things that I would not dare ask my wife again. Phew
Its time to get back to work as I do video editing for weddings. That does not help either.
Im torn tonight.
Its time to take care of her and hope she has something non generic to say.
Phew that was close.. Almost got nabbed. She is happy now and I am going to take advantage of tonight and watch Slum-dogs Millionaire, this is a amazing film.
One that that I must say with what little time I have left is. When you are involve then its forever even for that moment in time its forever! I do love each and every one of them.
Love come is all form and different perspective but if I had to choose then the sweat taste that when a woman comes in your face is something I will remember. Cuddling up by the fire is something different altogether its more of a puppy comfort.


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