# Need some different perspective on my situation ...



## ILMW61 (Jan 3, 2013)

Could I please ask for some womens' perspectives on my situation?

I've asked in the Men's Clubhouse and CWI forum but it is starting to feel like I'm only getting responses from a bunch of disgruntled men ... and I want to be sure that isn't the case.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/66150-my-gut-tells-me-im-losing-have-lost-my-wife.html

Please ... I just want honest opinions. I'm not looking for simple fixes. I know it is more than that. But right now I'm at a loss and I'm hoping to find some direction here.

Thank you for anything you do to help me.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I read the responses in your other thread and thought many of the responses were helpful. Before you can do anything, you first must know what you are up against. Is she cheating or does she suffer from a stress disorder/depression? Until we really know the reason behind her behavior, it's really hard to give advice. Nonetheless, more time on the same course will only lead to more distance between the two of you.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

I have also read your other threads, and agree you have received excellent advise from experienced posters. Trenton's post addressed my initial thoughts, but since your response cleared up those questions I have to agree with everyone else there are alot of red flags. 

At the very least the level of disrespect your wife is showing you is a huge concern. I know you don't want to believe she is cheating on you, but you need to follow the advise given and investigate, you are going to need proof because she is going to continue gaslight you without it.


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## ILMW61 (Jan 3, 2013)

Just kind of an update ...

Last night we got into it again about the lack of sex. I simply, calmly, asked why we don't have more sex and she went straight into 'I don't want to talk about this right now'.

So that only bothered me more and when I pressed her it just escalated into a loud argument. (I'm sure the boys heard in their rooms unless they were REALLY sound asleep.)


What I DID get out of it, however, was that I said I want us to see a marriage counselor.

She agreed.

That's good right?


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

That's a good thing. However, you still need to know if she is involved in an affair *before* landing in the counselor's chair. Otherwise it is a waste of time and money. Trust me. A good cheater can convince the therapist you are crazy (that you must be imagining things). That's what my cheating husband did for four therapy sessions. We got nowhere, and I had to have individual therapy after that.

If your wife is suffering from a stress disorder and/or depression, then, clearly, counseling will need to take another direction.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

ILMW, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I read your other post, and I, too, agree with the responses, and I'm inclined to think that your wife is cheating -either an EA or a PA. Not one response there sounded like it was from a disgruntled man. 

Even if she's not cheating, she lying, being sneaky and deceptive, blowing you off, and being disrespectful to you, and blameshifting. The louder she gets, the guiltier she is, either of cheating, or knowing that she's treating you badly but trying to lay it all on you.

I guess MC is good, although I think it's to play along and shut you up. Sex isn't the main issue here, and that's what you seem to be asking for. It's common respect that you want and openness, full disclosure and honesty.

Those books mentioned have been written about tons of times here and I recommend reading them. There is one post I read recently where the guy read the book, started to do his 180, and his wife totally fell in line, sensing that perhaps she was losing him and that he grew some balls and self-respect.

I'm sure it's hard to think of losing this marriage when you love her so much, but your marriage vows did not include this kind of treatment of you. It's not a marriage anymore. It's a get-through for her, and being a doormat for you. You need to consider that if MC doesn't seem to be doing anything, then you need to leave.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yeah, until you do some investigating and figure out if there is cheating involved, MC may or may not help.

BTW I'm not a man, disgruntled or otherwise


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## zombie0401 (Jan 27, 2013)

hey man this would be my advice get in on the action start texting her all the time to. start making up stories about an old girl friend or something and by that i mean go out and when you come back be like omg i just ran into so and so. or man i was out and this pretty little thing started talking to me you know stuff along those lines. start trying to make her jealous in little ways. because i know women i know the only thing that drives them more crazy then something they can't or are not supposed to have is when some body wants what they already have. #2 get some pot smoke her up and you guy's talk and have fun. shes looking for a break from the routine, don't ask or hint that you wanna make love just sweep her off her feet. sneak up behind her and start kissing her neck. make up a number and say some realy cute chick gave it to you. or just come out and say look i think you have a boyfriend and then be like if you have one is it ok if i have one? and if the answer is no ask why not? may be you guy's should try being a little more unconventional some people find that it can reinvigorate the relationship.i don't think in any case that the path forward would be easy but since if your wife is like most people wrestling with whether or not to have an affair it's the routine of your situations that are the culprit and you winking and saying i took a pill tonight is just adding to the non exciting routine. if their is another guy then he or her is giving her those "i'm in high school and this is new and exciting feel for me" you have to put your self in those new and exciting shoes, remember what it was like for you to kiss a girl for the first time. and maybe you go and find your self a real girlfriend your self. either way you must start communicating with her. if she only text's all the time then communicate with her through texting. texting is dangerous with strangers because you never say it out loud and so you find your self with the ultimate mask of being somebody else, regular social norms don't apply and so you say the stuff you never would out loud. so remember that she may have gotten to a point where she can only talk through text cuz it's the only time she's truth full to her self. so even if shes sitting next to you text her. when you guy's are watching tv and she's texting take out your phone and text her all the things you want to do to her (lol) get really sexually depraved about it, say you wanna take her out side and bang her doggy style on the front lawn as people drive by, tell her you want to go down on her while shes pretending to wait for somebody at a restaurant table just get filthy with it. CUZ THATS EXCITEMENT! THATS THE **** THAT TEENAGERS DO CUZ LOVE IS NEW AND EXCITING!! i hope this goes well for you man, i know you were looking fo a womens advice but i recently engaged in an affair because i felt the same about my wife giving me no attention, and my affair was with a married woman who felt the same. we didn't plan for it it just happened and i regret it and i'm trying to end but she doesn't want to and i miss my wife despite the fact that she's with me all the time and has no idea i miss the women she used to be but it started through texting andi know the addiction and thrill of it, and i wish i could do that with my wife as i still love her very much. so get in on the texting hell get another phone she dosen't know about and be that exciting stranger!!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

ILMW,

So after checking in with the ladies, have you decided that you should try and find out what (if anything) your wife may be up to or will you continue to ignore your gut and the advice you've gotten here?


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I am not a disgruntled husband. In fact i am very gruntled. For the record I agree with the other responses here!


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