# what could it mean?



## ferndog

hello forum. Her is a bit of my background. I have posted here when I first found this site.
I had a walk away wife and was devastated by it. she was my first and true love. She was my first gf at age 14, we married at 28 and divorced at 35. I am now 38.

I can say I do love my ex but with no contact it has made my pain clear and since hearing a year ago that she now lives with another man, I took time to deal with the reality of not getting back together.

I took a long time to even begin going out. I have gone out with 5 different females. I did meet some interesting woman but I was not drawn to them.

I went out with a female on Saturday Jan 11th. I believe the date went well. I know she has a new job and that she is used to dating. after the date I asked her to text me when she got home just to make sure she got home safe. she did and said she had a great time.

I then returned a text saying the same and said maybe we can do it again. she replied "definitely " 

good sign I believe.

on Monday Jan 13th I sent a text asking her out on the weekend. to which she replied she was going to San Diego. but the following weekend we could. Which I felt is also a good sign.

So on Thursday I sent her a text wishing her a great trip and to let me know if she had free time so I may give her a call later. 
she replied "i don't think i'll have time, let's save it for next week"

by this point I'm thinking "Am I getting the brush off?"

so I sent a text " is that a sign or something? i'm not good at this"

she replied "a sign of what?" so I then text "sorry that was meant for my friend. because i felt i was over thinking it.

so today Wednesday. I send her a text "hope you had a great trip and if you would like to go out this weekend I would like that" she replied " hey are you free on friday?"

so we are going out on Friday.


I know she has a new job. but I'm wondering are these normal signs? when we went out, I felt she was having a great time and was asking me great questions about my person. How am I in relationships, my goals, family plans etc.

her going out with me again, does that show some interest? I mean the reason I want to text, talk, go out with her is to get to know her (how else would i) 

one friend told me that she just might be a busy person and that her even texting back means something. and that i should over think it.

another friend said that a female that is interested would text or call (which she did not initiate)


any input?

im new to dating. im so lost its not even funny


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## ReGroup

Definitely over thinking things.

"I'm not good at this" - you are good at everything. Confidence.

Think of this like practice. All you are doing is getting your reps in. That's all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

ReGroup said:


> Definitely over thinking things.
> 
> "I'm not good at this" - you are good at everything. Confidence.
> 
> Think of this like practice. All you are doing is getting your reps in. That's all.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


thanks. I guess I kinda don't want to date a lot. I wish to find a person I fall in love with and call it a life. I did always wonder ... what happens when one dates many people???? how will they really get to know and grow to like someone if it's a new face every week???ding 

but you are right about confidence. I've been told I'm a good looking guy with a great personality. guess I need to keep building


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## Maneo

Over thinking. Over analyzing. Trying too hard. It's a date. Nothing more. Nothing less. A second date means interest but it doesn't mean love or anything serious. Slow down. Take it a step at a time. Deep breath. Relax. It's a date.


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## 06Daddio08

At any point between these "hey, can we get together soon" texts, did she send any your way out of the blue?


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## Shazz1991

Sounds promising. Go for it!


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## EnjoliWoman

Over thinking. Personally I have a life outside dating. A man will complement my life - he won't be the center of it unless I'm in love. Does she have children? I don't like to talk to someone I'm dating in front of my daughter. It's awkward. She may just prefer to focus on one thing at a time and the fact she's willing to schedule a date and follow through is a good sign. I think your rate of contact is perfect. Not smothering but steady small texts a couple times a week.


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## jpr

Yeah....I think you are over-thinking. I would have blown off a request for a phone-call too. Not because I wasn't interested, but because I don't like talking on the telephone--especially to someone I just met.

You have a date on Friday. That is cool. Leave it at that...and just see how the date goes.

Try to take things at face value, and don't over-analyze things too much. 

...easier said than done, I know.  I tend to read into every little text exchange too!


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## ferndog

06Daddio08 said:


> At any point between these "hey, can we get together soon" texts, did she send any your way out of the blue?


Not at all. She did respond to mine but she did not send any on her own
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc

When she says she's busy, she's not brushing you off. She gives you alternatives meaning she is interested.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pbartender

*Step 1:* Chillax.

*Step 2:* Enjoy the company of a woman for an evening.

*Step 3:* Chillax.


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## ferndog

jpr said:


> Yeah....I think you are over-thinking. I would have blown off a request for a phone-call too. Not because I wasn't interested, but because I don't like talking on the telephone--especially to someone I just met.
> 
> You have a date on Friday. That is cool. Leave it at that...and just see how the date goes.
> 
> Try to take things at face value, and don't over-analyze things too much.
> 
> ...easier said than done, I know.  I tend to read into every little text exchange too!


Well I got a text from her saying its better to be friends. So I then thanked her for going out with me. I said if she would still like to go out on Friday . She said yes. 

I am a sweet person, and who knows what she saw or didn't in me. But the reason she gave me was that we are on the opposite side of the spectrum when it comes to dating. (I'm assuming the over thinking). Blank question. Would you still recommend me going out on Friday??

I believe it might be a good idea, less pressure and lower expectations I guess. 

My brother (who has always dated and I believe has a fear or commitment ) said that females send mixed messages and that just to go out and just talk. That the mere fact she is still willing to go out might mean she did find something in me attractive but that she is getting mixed vibe.

I do find her attractive and seems kinda nice and I would like to know her but def not in the friend zone, which rarely one comes out of.

My brother said that after one date doesn't mean I'm on the friend zone. Could mean she's just cautious.


Who knows.

I know if I do go out I won't have expectations.

So what do you all nice people think?
Go out or not?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 06Daddio08

*Re: Re: what could it mean?*



Pbartender said:


> *Step 1:* Chillax.
> 
> *Step 2:* Enjoy the company of a woman for an evening.
> 
> *Step 3:* Chillax.


Step 4: Profit.


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## Pbartender

ferndog said:


> That the mere fact she is still willing to go out might mean she did find something in me attractive but that she is getting mixed vibe.


She's getting a mixed vibe because you are thinking too hard about all of this and needlessly confusing yourself.

You asked her out on a date Friday night. She said yes. So, go on a date with her and have some fun.

What else do you need to know?



(Oh... And for the record, the "sorry, that text was meant for my friend" excuse fools no one.)


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## jpr

What do you *want* to do, Ferndog?

Do you want to hang out with her on Friday? ...if you do, then go for it.

She said she just wants to be friends, though. So, I wouldn't go into it thinking that there is a possibility she could change her mind.


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## ferndog

Pbartender said:


> She's getting a mixed vibe because you are thinking too hard about all of this and needlessly confusing yourself.
> 
> You asked her out on a date Friday night. She said yes. So, go on a date with her and have some fun.
> 
> What else do you need to know?
> 
> 
> 
> (Oh... And for the record, the "sorry, that text was meant for my friend" excuse fools no one.)


True
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

jpr said:


> What do you *want* to do, Ferndog?
> 
> Do you want to hang out with her on Friday? ...if you do, then go for it.
> 
> She said she just wants to be friends, though. So, I wouldn't go into it thinking that there is a possibility she could change her mind.


Well I'm not sure. I would like to know her (cause I don't). And I'm not sure if a long friendship is what I'm looking for. I guess at the end what I want is not to be hurt like my ex wife did. She was my everything for 20 years and that's all I've ever known.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc

For next time 

Onswipe
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pbartender

mablenc said:


> For next time
> 
> Onswipe
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


One my favorite websites.

:smthumbup:


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## ferndog

Website? Ill look it up
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

One thing I know for sure is that you can't make someone like you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

mablenc said:


> For next time
> 
> Onswipe
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Read the BP rule. 
When I did ask her out she said she was going to San Diego but did say we could go out the following week. (Which is this weekend).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc

Next time, put the ball on her court, have her text you instead of just responding. If she is interested she may even worry why you haven't texted to follow up and contact you.

IMO I don't think you should have that date with her as she said she is not interested and wants the be friends. 

Don't waste your time with her, unless you truly want to be her friend.


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## EnjoliWoman

Personally, I would go out AS FRIENDS with her Friday and ask what she meant about being on different spectrums (i.e. is she looking for LTR and you aren't, etc.) and then ask if she knows anyone you may be interested in.  Networking isn't just for business. If she agreed to go out again then she thinks you are nice at least. So maybe she knows someone.


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## ferndog

mablenc said:


> Next time, put the ball on her court, have her text you instead of just responding. If she is interested she may even worry why you haven't texted to follow up and contact you.
> 
> IMO I don't think you should have that date with her as she said she is not interested and wants the be friends.
> 
> Don't waste your time with her, unless you truly want to be her friend.


My plan is to go out have a great time. Leave her with a pretty fair impression of who I am and then not call or text. And if she does not seek me that would be it.

I do believe I have a lot to offer and don't want to waste my time. And I don't want friendship with her. By her going out again gives me an opportunity to show more of myself with no expectations and then I can just move on. I might learn something about dating. Who knows.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

EnjoliWoman said:


> Personally, I would go out AS FRIENDS with her Friday and ask what she meant about being on different spectrums (i.e. is she looking for LTR and you aren't, etc.) and then ask if she knows anyone you may be interested in.  Networking isn't just for business. If she agreed to go out again then she thinks you are nice at least. So maybe she knows someone.


I'm kind of picky . To me I feel a spark right away. It has only happened 3 times in my life. A girl I wanted to meet (when me and my gf at the time ex wife now, had broken up briefly), of course my ex wife. And this woman . 
If I don't feel that spark. I just don't seek it out.

Yeah I just thought about it. If she doesn't cancel and would like to go out on Friday I will. I will show her more of me and if it made an impression then she will text if not then I will move on 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jpr

Easy, breezy.

Sounds good, Ferndog.


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## ferndog

Thank you all. I appreciate it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

Any advice for Friday feel free. I like honesty
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tulsy

ferndog said:


> thanks. I guess I kinda don't want to date a lot. I wish to find a person I fall in love with and call it a life. ...


Come on man!...do you want to end up in another failed relationship? You need to date for a while, not just find someone quick and fall in love.



ferndog said:


> Well I got a text from her saying its better to be friends. So I then thanked her for going out with me. I said if she would still like to go out on Friday . She said yes.
> ....Blank question. Would you still recommend me going out on Friday??
> ...


NO. Don't waste your time. If she just wants to be friends and you are looking for a relationship, your needs won't be met here. Move on.



ferndog said:


> Any advice for Friday feel free. I like honesty
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ya...cancel and go on a date with someone else. 

Seriously.
Not kidding.

Or EVEN BETTER:

just go hit the gym, clean yourself up with a haircut and some stylish new clothes & shoes, and then hit the bar with a couple of buddies. *Repeat that cycle* for a while until you start to build up some confidence and game.

If you are looking for a relationship, don't waste your time in friend-zone.


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## ferndog

tulsy said:


> Come on man!...do you want to end up in another failed relationship? You need to date for a while, not just find someone quick and fall in love.
> 
> 
> 
> NO. Don't waste your time. If she just wants to be friends and you are looking for a relationship, your needs won't be met here. Move on.
> 
> 
> 
> Ya...cancel and go on a date with someone else.
> 
> Seriously.
> Not kidding.
> 
> Or EVEN BETTER:
> 
> just go hit the gym, clean yourself up with a haircut and some stylish new clothes & shoes, and then hit the bar with a couple of buddies. *Repeat that cycle* for a while until you start to build up some confidence and game.
> 
> If you are looking for a relationship, don't waste your time in friend-zone.


I have trouble communicating sometimes I guess. I am not in a rush to get in a relationship. Falling in love does not happen over night . But I do not want to date multiple woman at once. I decided to go out with her Friday . No expectations. No over thinking. I have also decided that I will not call or text her after that. And if she does then we shall see. Not looking beyond that. As far as gym I am running every day 1 hour. Just bought clothes etc. my hair is short ( no clip by choice I like it like that)

Thank you for your input I do appreciate it
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisab0105

Cancel. right. now. 

Do not go out with her. You like her (sorta, since you don't really know her), she doesn't like you (in that way). She already put you in the friend zone. There is no getting out of it. No backtracking. 

Send her a text "Gotta cancel for Friday, take care." 

Leave it and her alone.


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## lisab0105

ferndog said:


> I have trouble communicating sometimes I guess. I am not in a rush to get in a relationship. Falling in love does not happen over night . But I do not want to date multiple woman at once. I decided to go out with her Friday . No expectations. No over thinking. I have also decided that I will not call or text her after that. And if she does then we shall see. Not looking beyond that. As far as gym I am running every day 1 hour. Just bought clothes etc. my hair is short ( no clip by choice I like it like that)
> 
> Thank you for your input I do appreciate it
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sorry, you are fooling yourself already. Of coarse you have expectations. You are hoping (whether you will admit it or not) that she will see the light at the end of your hang out session and all will be well. Won't happen. I am even willing to bet that she will cancel sometime between now and then or she is going out with you to give herself something to do...and someone to buy her a meal or drinks..or whatever it is you are doing. She probably wants some attention and a nice ego boost so she is willing to see you again. 

Don't go out with her. It will be a waste of your time.


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## ferndog

lisab0105 said:


> Sorry, you are fooling yourself already. Of coarse you have expectations. You are hoping (whether you will admit it or not) that she will see the light at the end of your hang out session and all will be well. Won't happen. I am even willing to bet that she will cancel sometime between now and then or she is going out with you to give herself something to do...and someone to buy her a meal or drinks..or whatever it is you are doing. She probably wants some attention and a nice ego boost so she is willing to see you again.
> 
> Don't go out with her. It will be a waste of your time.


True . Just cancelled. 

I do however need to change my over thinking stuff for next time. Ill keep focused on me for a bit. I'm just glad I tried 
Boy my ex messed my emotions up so bad that I lack confidence. But I will be better 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karole

ferndog said:


> True . Just cancelled.
> 
> I do however need to change my over thinking stuff for next time. Ill keep focused on me for a bit. I'm just glad I tried
> Boy my ex messed my emotions up so bad that I lack confidence. But I will be better
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


For what it's worth - when asking someone on a date - don't ask in a text message.


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## ferndog

karole said:


> For what it's worth - when asking someone on a date - don't ask in a text message.


She asked me initially.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ferndog

karole said:


> For what it's worth - when asking someone on a date - don't ask in a text message.


She asked me initially on the first date through text. Then I asked if I could call and she replied she preferred texting. So it was either text or not to ask. So I text 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mo42

dont be afraid to not care so much about women you dont really know. you keep saying you 'have no expectations' but it is clear you do. maybe go out with a girl that you really are not attracted to so you do not actually have expectations. I know that sounds absurd, but if you truly act yourself and the woman sees you are ok with or without her, you are going to see a different response. I just dont think you will see that response if you go out w/ someone you think you might actually like, b/c you will already pedastalize her and that will prevent you from being truly care free.


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## ferndog

I have gone out (very few times but I have) with some females that are not my type physically before. I have found that on those occasions they have gotten attached and I knew that it would lead nowhere and they have kept there hopes up. They have gotten hurt and I am not that type of person to try and hurt people. Maybe I just need more time that's all. One thing I am is very honest with my person. I am in a good place although at times I do feel lonely. Going from having the same person from 15-35 then her walking away was hard mentally and emotionaly. 

It made me a better person though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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