# Custody Agreement with Older Kids



## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

My STBXW and I are working out our arrangements now. We have two minor kids, 17B and 14G. I'm a little perplexed about how to specify all the specifics of visitation.

The kids are living with me, and will continue to. So, from a financial and control standpoint, I will be the primary custodian. Money isn't an issue. Any calculated child support issues will be offset by spousal maintenance.

But, we're writing-up visitation. First, at the ages the kids are at, we really don't feel proprietary toward them coming with one of us or the other. My family is Jewish and my STBXW's is Christian. So, there's never been any real conflicts over Christmas, Easter, Passover, etc. And, today, if there were, we'd both be fine with the kids deciding which family they'd rather be embarrassed by. During the summer, for the past couple of years, the 14G has traveled to stay with her big sister. The 17B is self-sufficient, and doesn't want to be around either of us.

We've been separated for 10 months and haven't run into any conflicts about both wanting the kids at the same time. My STBXW is living with her single sister. Her house isn't really set-up for kids, and neither of the kids has spent the night there at all since my W left. My W has spent the night at our house with the kids maybe 12 nights, when I was traveling for business.

So, any recommendations as to how we write up the visitation to reflect the fact that the kids can make most of the choices, and neither of us really has that much going on that requires the kids' presence? Add to the fact that the boy will be of age within 6 months of the agreement being implemented and the girl has only three + years left.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

I'm in a similar position with my STBXH and our 15 year old daughter. I suppose whatever state you live in will have its own rules, but in Michigan we wrote up our agreement pretty much the way you have stated yours.

"Primary physical custody will be with the mother, with liberal visitation for the father. We all desire a flexible schedule, not a rigid one, with shared time on all holidays and vacations."

In matters of child support, the amount of time the child is with each parent affects the monetary amount, so that might have to be clearly stated in the divorce agreement. We put down 75% for me and 25% for him, but we are cooperating and not fighting about this sort of thing, so this appears to be working for us so far.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

solitudeseeker said:


> In matters of child support, the amount of time the child is with each parent affects the monetary amount, so that might have to be clearly stated in the divorce agreement. We put down 75% for me and 25% for him, but we are cooperating and not fighting about this sort of thing, so this appears to be working for us so far.


Understood. With me having both kids full time, my STBXW should owe me about $450 per month based on the state tables. I make much more than she does, and she probably needs about $450 in spousal support. We'll write offsetting amounts into the agreement, but will self-administer, with no net cash changing hands each month. I still net-out a small tax advantage from that.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It seems to be working out thus far. 

I understand that you need it written down-officially.

We had the one week on and one week off with each parent. 

I think that 2 weeks on and 2 weeks off visitation would have worked better (youngest is 18). It's difficult for them to readjust and bring their things/books etc back and forth. I understand that they are primarily with you due to your ex's living arrangements. However, this can change.

I have to say we were entirely "open" with our arrangement. If it was my week, our daughter could see her father anytime (visa versa). 

Good luck.


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