# Need input



## askingforadvice (Apr 27, 2010)

Hi everyone.
I read some of the answers posted and they are great.
I've been separated for almost 8 months so far, I've been married with my wife for 10 plus years, the first 7 years were good, but the last 3 years, stress caught up with me, (financial pressures, wife got diagnosed with breast cancer, pregnancy, new house, we almost lost our jobs due to economy, etc etc)
So...since I didn't have a proper way to vent my self, I started to react verbally to my wife in sort of abusive way, that pattern also lead me to, just sulk and not move forward to pursue further education (masters program) I've barely was able to concentrate during those 3 years and had serious problems with my wandering mind.
Now we are separated, she basically force me to leave the house, I am still paying for the mortgage, health care and day care of my daughter, and supporting them in every way that is possible, (my wife actually makes more than me) but..money is not too important now, anyhow, I've been trying to connect and communicate with her, but she still so so angry that at the beginning was not only painful to hear the things that she told me, but I couldn't stop crying (that was because finally I was letting go my self) although she said that she loves me, she keeps blasting me for every single thing now, and sometimes I understand and let her release her anger but at the same time I am trying to make her understand that those past 3 years the things I said were not meant and my attitude was wrong.
Now..that I am separated and trying to get through her with communication I find this wall, and I am getting blamed for everything what happen in her life (from simple colds to whatever you want to name).
I love her, and I believe that we proper communication and counseling we can do much better, but is getting really hard to be patient and I don't know what else or not to do.
I will appreciate any rational and concrete input.
Thanks for your time and patient to read my post
**


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Have you asked her to get into counseling with you? It sounds as if there are issues that she has communicated with you, but haven't let go of yet. Perhaps ask her what she needs from you to begin moving forward into the future, either with or without you, but on better terms with you as you do have a child to raise together.


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## created4success (Apr 9, 2010)

HappyHer said:


> Have you asked her to get into counseling with you? It sounds as if there are issues that she has communicated with you, but haven't let go of yet. Perhaps ask her what she needs from you to begin moving forward into the future, either with or without you, but on better terms with you as you do have a child to raise together.


Thanks, HH, great insight.

I agree that communication is key, whatever you decide to do. Once you've got "it" out in the open (whatever it is), then you can figure out what you want to do, then how to do it.


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