# PMS / Peri -M....feeling overly sensitive / Mood swings...how do you deal ?



## SimplyAmorous

I've always been more of a circumstantial "whiner" one might say... before I hit my 40's... I never noticed pms symptoms..... I'm sure some of that was going on ....even if I never put 2 & 2 together... my H was never one to joke about it or anything like this.. 

When I was mad  ...I always had a clear reason & could spell it out...with a rant attached... 

Then I hit my 40's...hmmm... it's been interesting... (next post I will explain that)...Being in the midst of it yesterday.. I find myself even *tearing up* out to eat even at a nice steak house across the table from him.. it's like everything I am feeling *is magnified*.. whether it is  or .... it was a good day , I was happy !....he just tells me to "get a grip"...

What has been your experience? ...and how does it affect your marital dynamics .... Husbands, feel free to give your side as well...

Do you Joke about it... are these jokes offending to you/ to your wives ? How long does it last.. can your Husband help in any way ?


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## karole

My heart goes out to you SA. I went through a lot of the same things. The mood swings, anger, disorientation, dizziness, etc. I've experienced it all. I keep waiting for menopause, but I'm still having cycles - except they are coming closer together. My husband asked me the other day, "aren't those things supposed to be stopping instead of increasing?" 

I never had bad PMS symptoms either; but my periods now are way worse than when I was younger. I'm hoping that I am close to the end of that journey - I'm almost 52 years old. I think it's about time. 

My husband is a lot like yours, very considerate and would never say anything to make me feel bad - always encouraging and understanding. I don't know how he's held it together sometimes. Bless his heart, he puts up with my menopausal symptoms and my daughter's PMS - shoot, even our dogs are females!! I don't know how he stands it sometimes.


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## minebeloved

Menopause General Discussions at DailyStrength: High sex drive


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## SimplyAmorous

karole said:


> *My heart goes out to you SA. I went through a lot of the same things. The mood swings, anger, disorientation, dizziness, etc. I've experienced it all. I keep waiting for menopause, but I'm still having cycles - except they are coming closer together. My husband asked me the other day, "aren't those things supposed to be stopping instead of increasing?" *


 Sounds you have been through it Karole...

On my end...I really can't say it's been all that bad ... The worst of it was this over-sensitivity I would feel ....this seemed to be directly related to that mid life surge of hormones...if anything it stirred this up during THAT TIME.. .I posted about this once on jld's thread.. so I am going to copy that post....

I have to admit my symptoms outside of those 2 things (Insatiable sex drive & this part of Pms -feeling a cloud is hovering ...what I'd call "hamster wheel thinking".)...
outside of these .....my symptoms have been scant.... age 48 now....and I hope to ride this out till my late 50's if I had my choice, even early 60's!...... I DO NOT want menopause to come at all !! I hate the idea of it...I know I will cry....Long live my period !



> *My husband is a lot like yours, very considerate and would never say anything to make me feel bad - always encouraging and understanding*.


 this made me laugh , wait till you read my post.. he would say something some women might beat him over the head for ... but I got a charge out of it...



> *I don't know how he's held it together sometimes. Bless his heart, he puts up with my menopausal symptoms and my daughter's PMS - shoot, even our dogs are females!! I don't know how he stands it sometimes*.


I do think it's cool you can say this..and have sympathy for him though... my husband had it harder over me .. dealing with some of the stuff I would lay on him.. most of this has passed...

When I get teary eyed out & about.. or at home, he doesn't mind it ...he just holds me and even laughs a little..then I laugh at my sorry self.. and all is good.


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## SimplyAmorous

minebeloved said:


> Menopause General Discussions at DailyStrength: High sex drive


Good discussion !!.. I was scouring the internet for stories JUST LIKE THIS 6 yrs ago.. before I landed here... it helped me realize I wasn't CRAZY after all.


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## SimplyAmorous

Taken from Jld's http://talkaboutmarriage.com/physical-mental-health-issues/194314-perimenopause.html










This didn't seem to address my strongest symptom.. the insane sex drive spike...which threw me into a Tizzy...so many posts I have spoken of this...

Only because I started to keep a sex calendar ...







...to calm myself seeing all those circled days...did I realize a pattern going on.... I would often get overly sensitive right before my period... I would pick fights with my H -all over Sex, wanting more aggressive







....then a few days later.. I would be thinking "What the hell was wrong with me - I don't feel like that today at all"- life is good! It's like my brain was stuck on a hamster wheel.. 

... I read taking St Johns Wort might help calm me during that time...but he told me to put those away, that I wasn't THAT bad...

He did start joking about this though...he'd tell me he needed to get me a cage and put duct tape over my mouth .. for some reason his talking to me like this made me laugh something awful.. I loved it !! 

I literally could feel this rain cloud hovering over me...







...I'd want to do this....







...even being on this forum....I will start to think ..."I don't belong here.. if someone is short with me or critical, I will entertain they do not like me...I need to leave, or be more apt to delete my posts.. I would ball at a commercial on TV... Don't even put a hallmark commercial in front of me... or a sappy song!! 

I also started to get red blotch rashes here & there...like on my neck ..or on my arm -for no reason....they would come & go...that lasted a little while, not as bad now. ..... 

Periods seem to last longer but coming in less than 28 days.. During that high Drive spell.. my body temperature was so







...like I had a fever ...which I kinda did...felt like Foreigners "Hot blooded ....check it and see, I got a fever or a 103"! ... Goodness.. 

It's a crazy time for women but it seems our symptoms can range a wide degree from women to woman!..










Then to confuse things further...


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## Cynthia

Diet can have a huge impact on hormones. Have you looked into that aspect of dealing with this?
I haven't personally experienced any of what you are describing. I'm 50, but haven't had any sign of menopause yet.


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## staarz21

Okay so I found a video on youtube that made me chuckle a lot. Please keep in mind that the guy isn't trying to be disrespectful, just funny. If my H did this to me, I would instantly bust out laughing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxzkushwAUg

As far as dealing with the symptoms, I wish there was a magic pill I could take. Some months, I am an angel. I get into a great mood, I have lots of energy, and I am just all there. 

Then there are other months (more now than ever before since my tubal 2 years ago), where I am in pain, I have severe headaches, everything makes me angry, I have to spend at least one day on the sofa because the pain gets so bad. My H doesn't understand so he says things that can be insensitive. I know he doesn't mean it, but omg....


I have an appointment on Monday for this issue. My periods, if they show up now, have been up to 3 weeks late, I am bleeding in between them now...everything is messed up now it seems. My suspicion is that my Dr. will recommend BC pills for the hormones....but I don't know. 

I just wanted to sympathize with your situation. You are not alone!


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## heartsbeating

I'm pretty badly affected with physical symptoms/pain the first two days. Some months are worse than others so the level of how bad it can be, fluctuates. I have noticed that when my diet is really clean and I've been working out, that symptoms are somewhat reduced. This may be why I've neglected getting myself to an appointment as there have been fluctuations that I've put down to stress levels and lifestyle.

I have noticed that in more recent times, my emotions are becoming more affected. I've also been getting a migraine at the start each time. I never even used to get headaches but now it's like clockwork, every month that migraine hits. So more often than not, I'm just wiped out and feeling lousy. After last time with another migraine, pain and emotions, I figured I really should go to the doctor. I'd prefer to look at the natural and nutritional route over medications but I need to start somewhere. I don't take any medications other than once a month for the migraine. 

Hubs is pretty great with me. He wakes me with a cup of tea and will take the dogs out in the morning so I can stay curled up in my pitiful state. I'm not someone that readily cries and I remember we watched a movie that had me absolutely blubbering. He even came over to the couch I was on and held me hahah. Gawd. Thankfully he was out last time I was watching a soap drama and found myself crying during the scene. He does keep chocolate stocked and seems to cook steak for us during that time - I'm not sure if that's coincidence or not. I don't eat much red meat otherwise. 

In saying this, many many moons ago, he once said something along the lines of '...but other women have to deal with it..' and he must have seen the fire and rage emerging inside of me haha. I told him that not all women experience the same symptoms and this was my body and this is how it affects _me_. Then I shot fireballs from my eyes.


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## honcho

My stbx’s monthly cycles were getting to be less and less for about a year prior to her leaving and her anger got to be more and more. She was always quick to anger but it was much more pronounced. She had depression/mental issues for a number of years but we had managed that throughout our marriage. 

She was getting into full blown rages over the smallest of things and it would last for days, almost obsessive. As her hormone levels changed her depression and anger problems just got much more intense. This very subject really couldn’t even be talked about with my stbx as it was always everything but this. 

My stbx was taking st. johns wort, all sorts of supplements and telling herself it was all doing wonders, from my perspective it was doing nothing. She saw a doctor once who told her she in peri and my stbx decided the doctor was wrong and never went back. Almost everyone I know tried to avoid her as they often took the brunt of her “anger episodes”. It was right before she left that these became directed towards me. She had also quit taking her anti-depressants etc by this point as she had gotten herself to the point where EVERYBODY else was wrong and everybody was causing her to be depressed and moody. 

Peri stage isn’t the full answer to my stbx’s problems but it was a contributing factor in it all. Most of us thought at some point she would level out but 2 years later it appears its worse. Its definitely amplified her emotional issues that at one time we could manage. 

My brothers wife is just experiencing hot flashes. Bad hot flashes and that’s been going on a year now. One of my co-workers wife is going thru menaupause a second time which happens in some women. She hadn’t had a period is 7 years and suddenly they came back. Her mood swings are very pronounced again and has become increasingly jealous of any woman talking to her husband. She is convinced he is looking for a new younger “replacement”. Its made for some very inconvenient scenes at work with her yelling at employees here to stay away from her hubby.


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## SimplyAmorous

CynthiaDe said:


> Diet can have a huge impact on hormones. Have you looked into that aspect of dealing with this?
> *I haven't personally experienced any of what you are describing. I'm 50, but haven't had any sign of menopause yet.*


No Mood swings.. no oversensitivity.. what about sex drive?? .. did you have a Sexual SURGE...or did everything stay relatively the same ??? Darn Darn CynthiaDe...that's Great ! 

The whole diet thing doesn't make a lot of sense to me personally.. let me tell you why....when my sex drive was Raging insatiably ... I was not eating any better than I am now ...I literally felt like I was WALKING ON AIR.. I had no pains in my body... I had an exuberance of ENERGY.... I could hardly sleep!!..... I still don't eat a balanced diet like I should.... still have a lot of energy... I can get maybe 3 hrs of sleep some nights and feel just fine.... I do take vitamins.. 

The Over sensitivity thing is the only thing that remains now (which considering that list above, I am thankful!)...

Yes, I still get the rain cloud overhead for 2 sometimes 3 days ... ....I always RECOGNIZE IT for what it is... so I remind myself..."I am being irrational.. get a grip... this will pass!"... 

I no long start fights over sex or wanting him to be more aggressive ...that hasn't happened for probably 9 months now.. I don't foresee it happening again to be honest...

Looking back at my behavior... trying to understand this.. it just amazes me how my hormones had me by ...I want to say "the balls" here but I guess I can't get away with that...it was very powerful !!... I remember during that.. I could NOT shake how I felt.. I felt how I felt darn it.. even if *I knew* I was over reacting my Brain was stuck there... flooding me with chemicals or something...

My H was very gracious with me... He come to realize...when I pointed out this pattern... to not take me serious when I would get like this.. he knew it was the PMS speaking & in 2 days I'd be back to my cheerful bubbly self... 

Also..I haven't heard many say this.. even though I was more grouchy/ critical or tearing up over the dumbest things....something in me NEEDED him to be *emotionally closer to me during this time*...it was like the confidence I carried all month took a dive & I was suddenly "insecure" during these few days..needing reassurance .....His holding me more, flirting more (silly I know!)... talking me through anything... *this soothed me*... 

Some things have passed..... my sex drive has declined... it takes him more effort to get me going now.. Still love it, just that before, I needed 0 foreplay or very little...I find myself near apologizing that it takes me longer to get aroused now. Darn it !

Kinda miss those days actually...even though I caused turbulence at times....









This is another reason I *don't* want menopause to come.... I will so grieve these years.


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## SimplyAmorous

staarz21 said:


> *Okay so I found a video on youtube that made me chuckle a lot. Please keep in mind that the guy isn't trying to be disrespectful, just funny. If my H did this to me, I would instantly bust out laughing.*
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxzkushwAUg










Wow...that was quick 7 seconds ! If we can't laugh at some of this, it would be a shame... The ability to laugh at ourselves -if not in the moment but at least afterwards....and allowing him a little humor too.. it's a healthy release of some of the pressure on both ends.. 

I found this on you tube.. PMS - He said/She Said w/ Jess Lizama  ... A woman & guy asking if PMS is an excuse for women to lash out?..... I liked what the guy said about his current GF vs his ex.. with his ex.. she would never apologize, and this made it harder ON HIM.. they didn't last.. but he does try to do all he can to help his current GF ...understanding it's a difficult time for some women.. 



> *As far as dealing with the symptoms, I wish there was a magic pill I could take. Some months, I am an angel. I get into a great mood, I have lots of energy, and I am just all there. *


 I've noticed this too, it has no rhyme or reason ...it's almost like if we can get through those few days without something stirring the pot, or setting us off....we may just glide through it without a bump.. then another month WOW.. what happened ! and we leave our H's feeling like this...



> *Then there are other months (more now than ever before since my tubal 2 years ago), where I am in pain, I have severe headaches, everything makes me angry, I have to spend at least one day on the sofa because the pain gets so bad. My H doesn't understand so he says things that can be insensitive. I know he doesn't mean it, but omg.*...


 Being in Pain would drag anyone down  (((Hugs))))....that's gotta be the worst! Not related to the tubal, is it? I get a headache at the onset... 



> *I have an appointment on Monday for this issue. My periods, if they show up now, have been up to 3 weeks late, I am bleeding in between them now...everything is messed up now it seems. My suspicion is that my Dr. will recommend BC pills for the hormones....but I don't know. *


 don't know your age Staarz but be careful with those Birth control pills ... I have a friend who got a blood clot taking those in her 40's... there is a warning on these -especially for us older women...

Is it true that birth control pills cause blood clots? | Blood Clots

Study: Newer Birth Control Pills May Double Blood Clot Risk

Blood Clots, Birth Control and Being Aware | The Oz Blog

Report back to us -how that goes.. thank you for your post Staarz ....

I have a friend who hasn't suffered much of the physical symptoms - but more by the emotional / irrational ...she eventually seen her Doctor & was put on something ...I was trying to find it online.. ..she called it something with numbers .... during that time..she would lash out through texts to her BF, they've had endless breakups over this.. she fired her Lawyer in a huff once (child custody).... she would start deleting all her friends on Fb, then ask to be befriended again a week later... things like that. 

I found this ... 



> According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists, at least 85 percent of women experience at least one symptom of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), which is the term used to describe the physical and emotional changes that occur in the days before a woman’s period. Experts don’t know for certain what causes these changes, but recent research from Sweden suggests that they may be explained by an increased sensitivity to the hormone allopregnanolone. Basically, women who report symptoms of PMS — especially psychological symptoms — have an altered neurotransmitter that makes them less able to adapt to variations in hormone levels.


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## SecondTime'Round

Zoloft helps me. Without it, I blow a lot of things out of proportion for sure! Not that I'm an angel when I'm on it, but it helps a lot with keeping things in perspective. In the past I've also taken Sarafem, which is in the Prozac family and can be taken only 2 weeks out of the month if you wish (from ovulation until your period), but you also can just take it every day (I did). I went on this for a time more than 10 years ago when I was diagnosed with PMDD (that was more depression and not over-sensitivity, etc.).


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## Omego

It's really, really bad. I either cry or am very, very irritable. H is used to it, however. 

I'm just waiting for all of this to end. I take fish oil and other vitamins to help. I try to do lots of sports and get extra sleep during that time.


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## SimplyAmorous

Speaking of the PMDD... Here is an article that explains the difference... PMS vs. PMDD - What's the Scoop? Patient Story by MedicineNet.com

I have a couple books by Daniel Amen M.D ....of course the 1st one I bought was called







....which I enjoyed.....

Another of his books, much more popular, entitled Change Your Brain, Change Your Life: The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Anger, and Impulsiveness .. 

He has used something called "SPECT imaging" ...spoken about here...(14 minute video on Tedx talk)... The most important lesson from 83,000 brain scans | Daniel Amen 


He has a page on PMS on his site with 6 different case studies using these Brain scans..... Images of PMS ......









Article starts out...


> *Is Premenstual Syndrome Real? You Bet!*
> 
> Over the past years we have scanned many women with PMS just before the onset period, during the worst time of their cycle, and then again a week after the onset of their period, during the best time. Most often when PMS is present we see dramatic differences between the scans. When a woman feels good, her deep limbic system is calm and cool and she has good activity in her temporal lobes and prefrontal cortex. Right before her period when she feels the worst her deep limbic system is often overactive and she has poor activity in her temporal lobes and prefrontal cortex!
> 
> I have seen two PMS patterns, clinically and on SPECT, that respond to different treatments. One pattern is focal increased deep limbic activity often accompanied by temporal lobe hypoperfusion that correlates with cyclic mood changes. When the limbic system is more active on the left side it is often associated with anger, irritability and expressed negative emotion. When it is more active on the right side it is often associated with sadness, emotional withdrawal, anxiety and repressed negative emotion. Left-sided abnormalities are more a problem for other people (outwardly directed anger and irritability), while right-sided overactivity is more an internal problem. Focal deep limbic and temporal lobe findings, worse during the premenstrual period, often respond best to lithium or anticonvulsant medications, such as Depakote, Neurontin, Lamictal or Tegretol. These medications tend to even out moods, calm inner tension, decrease irritability and help people feel more comfortable in their own skin.
> 
> The second PMS pattern that I have noted is increased deep limbic activity in conjunction with increased cingulate gyrus activity. The cingulate, as we will see, is the part of the brain associated with shifting attention. Women with this pattern often complain of increased sadness, worrying, repetitive negative thoughts and verbalizations (nagging) and cognitive inflexibility. This pattern usually responds much better to medications which enhance serotonin availability in the brain, such as Zoloft, Paxil or Prozac. Here are several examples.....


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## SecondTime'Round

PMS and PMDD are definitely very real. I no longer suffer from PMDD and my PMS isn't even as bad as it used to be. But as I get older my irritability/over sensitivity and anxiety has increased. Not always in relation to hormones/PMS. 

Have you considered trying an SSRI? 

When I was a teen my mom was going through menopause. There was so much heightened emotion in our house (two twin teen girls, menopausal mom...my poor dad), lots of yelling, crying, overreacting. My mom now says she so wishes she'd been more informed back then and gone on something to help regulate her mood swings. A lot of explosions would have been avoided! I think about that every time I feel bad about being on Zoloft. I've gone on and off it several times over the last few years, but this time I'm staying on it. I'm often not a very nice person without it.


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## SimplyAmorous

heartsbeating said:


> Hubs is pretty great with me. He wakes me with a cup of tea and will take the dogs out in the morning so I can stay curled up in my pitiful state. I'm not someone that readily cries and I remember we watched a movie that had me absolutely blubbering.* He even came over to the couch I was on and held me hahah. Gawd. Thankfully he was out last time I was watching a soap drama and found myself crying during the scene.* He does keep chocolate stocked and seems to cook steak for us during that time - I'm not sure if that's coincidence or not. I don't eat much red meat otherwise.


It sounds you really don't like or want to come unglued around your husband...just too vulnerable... Chocolate makes everything better !!









I wonder does this bother MEN.. does it bother women to show the tears on occasion?... I would think the emotionally sensitive side would sure beat this *=*









I can easily tear up.. with our without some pms.. but it's not something I do in public...very rare....like I mentioned I did at the Steak house, but only he seen...it's happened in church singing more than anything else...feeling this sudden feeling of thankfulness that rises with some of the words....I think that's a good thing...then I get control of myself.. 

Music has ALWAYS been very moving to me.. and the movies/ an emotional Drama/ Romance...bring the







...if a tragedy like a child is killed, or an







type movie, I can barely watch it...H is generally right beside me, he is used to me getting leaky at the end ... Even watching the Bachelor finale I do this sometimes! 



> In saying this, *many many moons ago, he once said something along the lines of '...but other women have to deal with it..' and he must have seen the fire and rage emerging inside of me haha. I told him that not all women experience the same symptoms and this was my body and this is how it affects me. Then I shot fireballs from my eyes.*


I guess your husband learned many moons age...he better bite his lip ! Ha ha...


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## SimplyAmorous

honcho said:


> My stbx’s monthly cycles were getting to be less and less for about a year prior to her leaving and her anger got to be more and more. *She was always quick to anger but it was much more pronounced. She had depression/mental issues for a number of years but we had managed that throughout our marriage. *
> 
> She was getting into full blown rages over the smallest of things and it would last for days, almost obsessive. As her hormone levels changed her depression and anger problems just got much more intense. *This very subject really couldn’t even be talked about with my stbx as it was always everything but this. *
> 
> My stbx was taking st. johns wort, all sorts of supplements and telling herself it was all doing wonders, from my perspective it was doing nothing. She saw a doctor once who told her she in peri and my stbx decided the doctor was wrong and never went back. Almost everyone I know tried to avoid her as they often took the brunt of her “anger episodes”. It was right before she left that these became directed towards me. She had also quit taking her anti-depressants etc by this point as she had gotten herself to the point where EVERYBODY else was wrong and everybody was causing her to be depressed and moody.
> 
> Peri stage isn’t the full answer to my stbx’s problems but it was a contributing factor in it all. Most of us thought at some point she would level out but 2 years later it appears its worse. * Its definitely amplified her emotional issues that at one time we could manage. *
> 
> My brothers wife is just experiencing hot flashes. Bad hot flashes and that’s been going on a year now. One of my co-workers wife is going thru menaupause a second time which happens in some women. She hadn’t had a period is 7 years and suddenly they came back. Her mood swings are very pronounced again and has become increasingly jealous of any woman talking to her husband. She is convinced he is looking for a new younger “replacement”. * Its made for some very inconvenient scenes at work with her yelling at employees here to stay away from her hubby.*


Oh my! Sounds whatever a husband is used to over the years....he better hold on for the ride in Mid Life when Peri Hits!...whatever her moods /behavior was initially... it just gets "amplified" more so...

The not being able to recognize that these things are REAL, telling the doctors they are wrong.....how very frustrating this must have been! 

Never heard of one going through it twice... that's new...


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## Wolf1974

SimplyAmorous said:


> It sounds you really don't like or want to come unglued around your husband...just too vulnerable... Chocolate makes everything better !!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> _*I wonder does this bother MEN.. does it bother women to show the tears on occasion?... I would think the emotionally sensitive side would sure beat this*_ *=*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I can easily tear up.. with our without some pms.. but it's not something I do in public...very rare....like I mentioned I did at the Steak house, but only he seen...it's happened in church singing more than anything else...feeling this sudden feeling of thankfulness that rises with some of the words....I think that's a good thing...then I get control of myself..
> 
> Music has ALWAYS been very moving to me.. and the movies/ an emotional Drama/ Romance...bring the
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...if a tragedy like a child is killed, or an
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> type movie, I can barely watch it...H is generally right beside me, he is used to me getting leaky at the end ... Even watching the Bachelor finale I do this sometimes!
> 
> I guess your husband learned many moons age...he better bite his lip ! Ha ha...



I can only speak for myself as a man but I don't ever mind the emotional thing so long as I know what's going on. So my Gf will be weepy and acting off and she will say it's just pms......ahh ok gotcha. 

What I can't stand and never will tolerate is a license to become unglued and mean because of hormones or cramps. I have only ever really experienced that with one woman and it was a constant battle. Instead of keeping herself in check her expectation was I should just take anything hurtful she would say non personally because after all they were just hormones. Umm no thanks discomfort isnt a license to become a ragin *****.


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## Anonymous07

I can't talk about menopause(no where near it), but I will say that the PMS has gotten a lot worse since having my son. My hormonal fluctuations have been insane since I gave birth! I get super nauseous during ovulation and will feel rage or sadness right before my period starts. Normally women would take the pill/hormones to help level out the fluctuations, but I can't take hormones for medical reasons.  I try to exercise regularly and when I notice the crazy coming on, I go for a walk or separate myself to another room. I also watch what I eat(no soy, lots of certain fruits and veggies, etc), which can help. I personally like to avoid medications, so I look at other ways to treat this before putting fake hormones/chemicals in my body.


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## Anonymous07

Wolf1974 said:


> I can only speak for myself as a man but I don't ever mind the emotional thing so long as I know what's going on. So my Gf will be weepy and acting off and she will say it's just pms......ahh ok gotcha.
> 
> What I can't stand and never will tolerate is a license to become unglued and mean because of hormones or cramps. I have only ever really experienced that with one woman and it was a constant battle. Instead of keeping herself in check her expectation was I should just take anything hurtful she would say non personally because after all they were just hormones. Umm no thanks discomfort isnt a license to become a ragin *****.


It's definitely not an excuse, but I do hope you are empathetic. 

Some women have minor annoyances from their period, while others have more dramatic changes/issues. Every woman is different. I have very wild hormonal fluctuations and also have endometriosis, so my cramps are much more severe than the average woman. If my husband told me to "stop complaining", "they can't be that bad", or something to that extent, I would want to rip his head off. I have a high tolerance for pain(been through several surgeries, grew up with brothers, etc), but the cramps I have can knock me out for the whole day, curled up in the fetal position in pain. I know my husband, nor any other guy, will ever experience that, but I hope they can at least understand and show some empathy.


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## Wolf1974

Anonymous07 said:


> It's definitely not an excuse, but I do hope you are empathetic.
> 
> Some women have minor annoyances from their period, while others have more dramatic changes/issues. Every woman is different. I have very wild hormonal fluctuations and also have endometriosis, so my cramps are much more severe than the average woman. If my husband told me to "stop complaining", "they can't be that bad", or something to that extent, I would want to rip his head off. I have a high tolerance for pain(been through several surgeries, grew up with brothers, etc), but the cramps I have can knock me out for the whole day, curled up in the fetal position in pain. I know my husband, nor any other guy, will ever experience that, but I hope they can at least understand and show some empathy.


Empathy for not feeling good of course. Empathy for using it to become a ragin ***** no way. Pain and discomfort sucks as we all experience it. When I have been in pain I didn't treat others poorly because of it and expect the same. I wouldn't tell my GF ohh what you are experiencing isn't that bad. What I would say is your treating me like **** isn't ok just because you don't feel good. As I said only once did I have that experience with a woman and thankfully she is no longer an issue.

I think sometime we lower our standards on how we treat those closest to us.


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## SimplyAmorous

Anonymous07 said:


> I can't talk about menopause(no where near it), but I will say that the PMS has gotten a lot worse since having my son. My hormonal fluctuations have been insane since I gave birth! I get super nauseous during ovulation and will feel rage or sadness right before my period starts. *Normally women would take the pill/hormones to help level out the fluctuations, but I can't take hormones for medical reasons.*  I try to exercise regularly and when I notice the crazy coming on, I go for a walk or separate myself to another room. I also watch what I eat(no soy, lots of certain fruits and veggies, etc), which can help. I personally like to avoid medications, so I look at other ways to treat this before putting fake hormones/chemicals in my body.


oh that's OK.. doesn't have to be about Peri.. it's all related.. 

Like you..I've never taken any hormonal birth control...after trying to conceive all those years.. we just used condoms in between.. Always one to read those side effects... I couldn't bring myself to go there....why I opted for the non -hormonal IUD also. 

I am like you A07 .. the least chemicals I put into my body, I just feel better about that. 

Your post made me wonder something though...as I didn't realize before starting this thread that birth control pills are a regulator for PMS... so those who are on the pill.. since their teens for instance.....they would not even realize they are being "helped" in this regard.. so if/when they go off of it.... hmmmm that could shake some things up in the household ! 

Birth control pills can help with PMS symptoms but then it often lowers the sex drive.. seems the Husband can't win on that one!



> *Anonymous07 said* : *Some women have minor annoyances from their period, while others have more dramatic changes/issues. Every woman is different. I have very wild hormonal fluctuations and also have endometriosis, so my cramps are much more severe than the average woman. If my husband told me to "stop complaining", "they can't be that bad", or something to that extent, I would want to rip his head off.
> 
> I have a high tolerance for pain(been through several surgeries, grew up with brothers, etc), but the cramps I have can knock me out for the whole day, curled up in the fetal position in pain. I know my husband, nor any other guy, will ever experience that, but I hope they can at least understand and show some empathy*.


 Opening this subject up can be touchy.. because WE WANT TO BE HONEST about what we are going through.. and it might not sound so good.. (don't want other women to shy away from posting)...it's a real thing happening , churning in us ... 

I have had thoughts during pms ...days ago even... just looking out the window at the snow falling....feeling so DRAB...like blaaaah....kids were all in school...thoughts like this running through my head...."WOE is me.. what do I have to show for my life...I have nothing to offer... I am just a boring old washed up Mom"...something to that effect... 

My next thought..."This is probably how depressed people feel every day of their lives.. that would be AWFUL [email protected]#" ...now here I am days later..and I feel GOOD !.. back to the norm.. the rain cloud vanished...no trace of it... it's just a really weird thing..I didn't at all get angry or bi*chy this time around.. it was just more of the "weepy"...


----------



## Anonymous07

I'm not at all saying that this or anything else is an excuse to treat anyone poorly, never have said that. I just think that some care and understanding can go a long way. I'm not accusing anyone on here of being rude about someone being on their period or any part in their cycle, but I have seen/heard men say that the wife should just "suck it up, every woman goes through this and they don't act like x, y, z." That kind of attitude is not okay either. I have never treated my husband poorly from all I've been through and highly appreciate when he shows some empathy for what I've had to endure(whether it be period problems, surgery, child birth, etc.).


----------



## heartsbeating

SimplyAmorous said:


> It sounds you really don't like or want to come unglued around your husband...just too vulnerable... Chocolate makes everything better !!


Oh no, it's not that at all. He sees it all with me... it's just the scene in the movie really wasn't worthy of all that emotion haha. Or maybe it was!


----------



## heartsbeating

intheory said:


> A couple of years ago, I had several periods in a row where the nausea was_ terrible._ Is that the same sort of hormonal influence that creates "morning sickness"? One night, I _did_ just puke my guts out during my period. Sorry, tmi I guess. Anyone else have this?


The worst I've experienced was last year. I had to get up in the night due to the pain, was shivering even though it wasn't cold, and vomited. It was the first and only time that has happened. I wasn't in a good way and ended up curled up in a ball for most of that morning. Sometimes I'm pretty okay in comparison to that... mostly after the beginning. That was an extreme for me. 

I'm 38. The migraines began gradually until now they're every month. It sucks. I do also feel heightened. It's like having untapped superpowers... I can feel it but unable to deservedly go out and rule the world.


----------



## heartsbeating

Anonymous07 said:


> I'm not at all saying that this or anything else is an excuse to treat anyone poorly, never have said that. I just think that some care and understanding can go a long way. I'm not accusing anyone on here of being rude about someone being on their period or any part in their cycle, but I have seen/heard men say that the wife should just "suck it up, every woman goes through this and they don't act like x, y, z." That kind of attitude is not okay either. I have never treated my husband poorly from all I've been through and highly appreciate when he shows some empathy for what I've had to endure(whether it be period problems, surgery, child birth, etc.).


:iagree:


A couple of my friends barely know it's happening, they just carry on and there's no discomfort... other friends can relate to my experience and vice verse. I appreciate the empathy my husband shows me. Granted, I owe it to myself to find out more options of how it could be improved. I find it's short lived for a couple of days then I almost forget until it rolls around again. Insert forehead slap.


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## honcho

SimplyAmorous said:


> Oh my! Sounds whatever a husband is used to over the years....he better hold on for the ride in Mid Life when Peri Hits!...whatever her moods /behavior was initially... it just gets "amplified" more so...
> 
> The not being able to recognize that these things are REAL, telling the doctors they are wrong.....how very frustrating this must have been!
> 
> Never heard of one going through it twice... that's new...


When he was describing it to me I had never heard of it either. His wife hadn't had a period in years and went thru what the doctor had called a full menopause. Suddenly she is back to having periods and wild emotions. 

The day he came into work and was explaining this you would have thought someone took a baseball bat to his knees, he kept saying over and over "I survived it once, what did I do wrong to deserve another round?" :lol: I have heard that if someone has a hysterectomy or a major surgery it can trigger one and then later in life as hormones change it can trigger again.


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## Openminded

The 10 or so years I dealt with Peri made the worst of my PMS years seem like a cake-walk. Some women barely notice Peri. I wasn't that fortunate. Those were really tough years. I was very happy to make it to the other side and be forever done with everything period related. Now my life is like it was many decades ago before I ever had my first period. I didn't realize how much I had learned to put up with and just accept over those decades as the price of being female until it was finally, thankfully, gone. Life is good.


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## SimplyAmorous

heartsbeating said:


> *Oh no, it's not that at all. He sees it all with me... it's just the scene in the movie really wasn't worthy of all that emotion haha. Or maybe it was!*


Good to hear ...I misread you there! ...

I pretty much make fun of myself in front of him when this happens..I don't even try to hide it from my H... he just laughs with me, hugs me...this part is just not bothersome...I think he even finds it endearing somehow....

Always felt his support.. I am sure this goes a long long way during these little episodes.... asking him earlier tonight if this ever bothered him, what he thinks..over the silliest things like that.. he replied.. "no I love you, that's how God made you"....

So then I asked what about when I turn into a fire breathing dragon.....he said ...."It's the same thing.. it doesn't last long".....he's just not one to take it personal.. he seems to realize I am out of my mind for a day or 2, whatever flies out of my mouth he takes with a grain of salt..... it's never been a 2 week thing for me - at the most maybe 4 days I FEEL that cloud hovering .... 



Anonymous07 said:


> *I'm not at all saying that this or anything else is an excuse to treat anyone poorly, never have said that. I just think that some care and understanding can go a long way. I'm not accusing anyone on here of being rude about someone being on their period or any part in their cycle, but I have seen/heard men say that the wife should just "suck it up, every woman goes through this and they don't act like x, y, z." That kind of attitude is not okay either. I have never treated my husband poorly from all I've been through and highly appreciate when he shows some empathy for what I've had to endure(whether it be period problems, surgery, child birth, etc*.).


I have to agree with* the SPIRIT* of your post very much A07...Yes, the care & understanding of our husbands...what I would call giving some GRACE...it just means so much.. 

I think what helps here.. does the GOOD outweigh the BAD (hopefully by far)...and does the BAD get "resolved"..if we've lashed out, did we realize how BAD it comes off..do we sincerely apologize, doing our best to make it up to him..... and if he's hurt us, had his own bad moment.. his coming around too... offering that "olive branch"..







.. so at the end of the day... no one is feeling abused...*but on the same team.*. 

We've all had unruly moments..haven't we ! 

I'll give a heightened PMS moment of mine.....years ago now....the one neat thing about US is... we can start laughing right in the middle of a fight...







...all of our fights are over something STUPID like me over thinking his sex drive was in the gutter... or I wanted him to be more of an SOB in bed.. just hearing myself ... he is right, I need my mouth DUCT TAPED and put in a cage..

So this night...I was getting out of hand....He looked at me across the bed & told me I was vicious....he never spoke to me like that before... it shocked me -but I deserved it!.....I'm not one to defend myself if I am being a *****... I'll just outright admit it.... I stopped....suddenly this thought came to me... days before we seen "*Oz the Great & Powerful*"







at the theater....he thought that Lady who played the Witch was HOT... before he knew she was the witch of course......

So I referred to myself needing to go throw some green paint on my face...Grab a black hat...and put a broom inbetween my legs.... I think he told me I could put any witch to shame... OMG we just started laughing..... it just breaks the tension.. 
Then right after ...this is me...


----------



## Anonymous07

intheory said:


> A couple of years ago, I had several periods in a row where the nausea was_ terrible._ Is that the same sort of hormonal influence that creates "morning sickness"? One night, I _did_ just puke my guts out during my period. Sorry, tmi I guess. Anyone else have this?


It is the same hormonal increase that causes morning sickness. 

I just started experiencing nausea with my cycles after my son was born. It completely freaked me out the first time it happened, as I thought I was pregnant. I took 3 pregnancy tests thinking I was already pregnant again! :rofl: Luckily that wasn't the case, but then again not lucky since I have a "fun" new symptom every month during ovulation. Ugh.


----------



## Anon Pink

Openminded said:


> The 10 or so years I dealt with Peri made the worst of my PMS years seem like a cake-walk. Some women barely notice Peri. I wasn't that fortunate. Those were really tough years. I was very happy to make it to the other side and be forever done with everything period related. Now my life is like it was many decades ago before I ever had my first period. I didn't realize how much I had learned to put up with and just accept over those decades as the price of being female until it was finally, thankfully, gone. Life is good.



Please please let this happen to me very very soon! I am so DONE with hot flashes, mood changes, fatigue, lack of sleep, joint pain. Hot then cold, hot then cold, hot then cold. They disappeared for a few months and now they're back again!


----------



## Anon Pink

intheory said:


> I had an aunt who used to say that, "you're so much better off when it leaves you".
> 
> And I read in a women's health book once that going through menopause should just mean that you don't ovulate anymore. Nothing more, nothing less.
> 
> I was wondering if I would be sexually/hormonally like I was in 7th or 8th grade. I hadn't had a period yet; but I was developing sexually and had crushes on boys all the time.
> 
> But no periods.


I don't think you need to worry about your sex drive post menopause. Like you, I had that surge in sex drive and like you, I don't want it to go away. So I've made up my mind that it won't go away. I think the time both you and I have spent having this super sex drive has created a behavior pattern that isn't totally dependent on hormones. The brain is a dynamic organ and learns from itself. The neural pathways we've created by having this sex drive and loving it, will keep those pathways open and well traversed even when the hormonal push is gone.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it!


----------



## EnjoliWoman

I'm the one my friends hated - no PMS, no symptoms, no cramps. The biggest drawback was that I could be surprised by it, but as long as I was on BC my period was regular and predictable. But not being on it for a long time, back to no symptoms and I never knew when it's going to show up. 

I went through a period of about 3 months in the spring two years ago (at 45) where I just didn't feel RIGHT. Emotional, tired, foggy and sort of 'out of tune' and my period was late once. I did some herbal supplements for a bit and then experienced my first hot flash and about a month later another. After a physical for the first time my BP was up so I modified my diet and really starting hitting the gym more. I don't know if it helped but I can only assume things would be worse had I not dropped some weight and started taking better care of myself. I haven't had any more hot flashes. My period is random - sometimes 6 weeks between yet last month only 2 weeks. It seems to be a bit heavier sometimes but otherwise none of the other symptoms and the fuzziness seems to have gone from my head. So again, I think the exercise and improved diet definitely helped.

The worst part really is never knowing when my period will start due to zero symptoms. (I know, I know) When I wear white or other very light colored bottoms I wear a pantyliner just to be on the safe side.


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## SimplyAmorous

intheory said:


> *I had an aunt who used to say that, "you're so much better off when it leaves you".*





Openminded said:


> The 10 or so years I dealt with Peri made the worst of my PMS years seem like a cake-walk. Some women barely notice Peri. I wasn't that fortunate. Those were really tough years.* I was very happy to make it to the other side and be forever done with everything period related. Now my life is like it was many decades ago before I ever had my first period.* I didn't realize how much I had learned to put up with and just accept over those decades as the price of being female until it was finally, thankfully, gone. Life is good.


Until some of these posts... *(((*thank you all for contributing *)))*... I did not realize just HOW DIFFICULT /Painful these years are for some women!!

Here is some statistics on PMS...



> Almost 85% of American women experience premenstrual syndrome in the childbearing years.
> 
> About 5% of these women are disabled by PMS due to the extremely severe symptoms.
> 
> PMS is most common in women between 20 years old and 40 years old, but can occur in any woman of childbearing age.
> 
> Patients with one child and a history of depression are more likely to experience PMS symptoms.
> 
> The suicide rate for patients with depression is much higher in the second half of the menstrual cycle (14 days before the period begins).
> 
> Symptoms can get worse as patients age and approach menopause. Perimenopause: Hormone ups and downs can last years - CNN.com


Even struggling with the psychological symptoms that I've shared...WEEPY, needing more of my H's reassurance, feeling more insecure, what I call negative "Hamster wheel thinking", my moments of *>>*







... (God Bless some of our Husbands!).....Outside of that I've felt these years have been some of the BEST of my life....I've said so many times ..."If I could just stop the clock HERE"...

Saw that Menopause commercial on TV last night , speaking how intercourse will be dry & painful.. I DREAD THIS COMING.. ABSOLUTELY DREAD....I will grieve this season in my life/our lives... . 

I was one of those who rarely had cramps.. I do recall calling off work one morning due to being doubled over in pain.....this was very rare.. I think I bought 1 bottle of Midol in all my years -probably that week...

This write up below mentions the cingulate gyrus being overstimulated in our brains -how the dipping of our hormones cause these symptoms...learning these things brought me some comfort...realizing I'm not alone... this is normal even !...

Yes... I hated myself for getting like that at times, bring MEAN to my H (he certainly didn't deserve it!) ... It wasn't every month, it was hit or miss really and at it's worst the higher my drive was...that had it's pluses & minuses! 

Not making excuses here but there is something very powerful about our hormones !!... Since my SURGE & HOW that messed with my head, my wants, my body...the whole subject rather fascinates me... and it seems none of us are the same in this roller coaster of Mid life either....our experiences are all over the map!!

What is premenstrual syndrome (PMS)? - Gynecology 



> During the days prior to starting your period, estrogen and progesterone levels hit rock bottom. On brain scans, the worry center (*the anterior cingulate gyrus*) starts to fire up, so women can get stuck on negative thoughts or give in to behaviors they think will make them feel better, such as reaching for wine or cookies. This makes sense, because the anterior cingulate is the part of your brain that helps you shift attention, be flexible, and go with the flow.
> 
> The anterior cingulate fires up as the end result of a series of events. First estrogen falls. As it does, serotonin, the feel good neurotransmitter, also falls. The deficiency in serotonin causes the anterior cingulate gyrus to fire up. To make things worse, just about this time the prefrontal cortex tends to quiet down, which is why women may have a hard time focusing and controlling impulses. So we see emotional difficulties, intensified feelings of sadness, and disturbed sleep.
> 
> This is hard enough to deal with on a monthly basis. But by the time you hit your later thirties, your body is less efficient at producing progesterone. And in your forties, your progesterone curve stops creating that nice hill and looks more like a bump. Research shows that progesterone levels start to decrease eight years before a woman goes into menopause, and this is when progesterone withdrawal symptoms can become more pronounced.
> 
> Memory declines and it’s hard to concentrate. You experience mood swings. Your brain has lost its natural sleeping pill and anti-anxiety hormone. This can lead to marital problems and sometimes even addictions.


----------



## Openminded

Anon Pink said:


> Please please let this happen to me very very soon! I am so DONE with hot flashes, mood changes, fatigue, lack of sleep, joint pain. Hot then cold, hot then cold, hot then cold. They disappeared for a few months and now they're back again!


You'll be there soon. I didn't think I'd live through it either but one day it was all gone. 

Life is great on the other side!!


----------



## Openminded

SA, sex after menopause is for very many women just exactly like sex before menopause. 

You'll be just fine!!


----------



## jld

I have the same fear, SA, of being dry afterwards. But I am choosing to be optimistic, a la Openminded. 

I am having some of those peri symptoms, too. I am a vegan, and I do think that helps. If I eat very much fat, though, some of the symptoms seem worse.

I used to get cramps the first day of my period, before I had my first baby. After her, I never got them anymore.

Dug had to go away last month, for two weeks. I was really upset the first day, crying a lot. I just feel so sad sometimes, thinking anything could happen to him. He's been such a blessing to me, such a gift in my life (and the children, too). 

If you feel sad, just send me a pm. I will do my best to cheer you up.


----------



## happy as a clam

SA... so glad you started this thread! I almost started a thread with the same topic.

I have diagnosed PMDD (which is significantly more troubling than PMS). My monthly cycle is atrocious and my cramps are severe -- I've often said my monthly cramps are worse than childbirth  I delivered both my children naturally, with no epidural and no drugs -- it was less painful than my monthly cycle. Seriously.

_*(Side note: When we were teenagers, my sister had her tonsils removed. They gave her a large bottle of liquid Demerol for the pain. We hoarded that prescription for YEARS!!! She would dole out 1 teaspoon for each of us on the first day of our periods and we would lie in bed in the fetal position for a whole day! :lol_

As for menopause, I am 49 and my doc tells me I'm nowhere close to being done. But I have been experiencing peri-menopause for nearly 10 years, and I simply cannot believe that EVERYTHING has gotten worse. My cramps are worse, flow is heavier, breasts swell to gargantuan proportions, and my moods are sooooooooo bad during that time of the month -- my poor SO, sometimes I think he must think I'm psychotic! 

Interestingly, my 17yo daughter has NONE of these problems, although my mom, my two sisters and I were all nearly debilitated every month. My daughter never even knows her period is coming until it starts.

I cry at the drop of a hat, blow my lid at the drop of a hat, basically my emotions are all over the place. And the hot flashes are ridiculous too. I've tried dozens of supplements, birth control, and bio-identical hormones but nothing has helped. Despite all this, my sex drive has increased through the roof .

I basically eat a Paleo diet (no bread, no gluten, very few processed foods), lift heavy weights 3x per week, and walk 4 miles daily. I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm not sure what else I could do in that arena to improve things. 

Honestly though, I try not to complain about it. I've never had any "female" problems, had no trouble conceiving children, and am as regular as a clock. 

I just wish it would be done already -- 37 years of this nonsense seems more than enough for anyone!

One more observation... I've noticed as I age I don't metabolize alcohol very well any more. I used to get that "happy" feeling after a glass of wine. Now I just get tired and grumpy. So I've switched to dark chocolate.


----------



## Openminded

I began peri in my late 40's and didn't hit menopause until around 60. I never dreamed when my period began at 12 that it would take almost 50 years to get rid of it. 

What I hated more than anything else during peri was the rage that would come out of nowhere. One day everything, including the rage, disappeared. I am not normally giddy but I danced around for days to finally be free of that.


----------



## happy as a clam

Openminded said:


> I began peri in my late 40's and didn't hit menopause until around 60. I never dreamed when my period began at 12 that it would take almost 50 years to get rid of it.
> 
> *What I hated more than anything else during peri was the rage that would come out of nowhere.* One day everything, including the rage, disappeared. I am not normally giddy but I danced around for days to finally be free of that.


OMG!! You hit the nail on the head! I have gone from being a stable, relaxed, laid-back individual to a raging lunatic with volatile, unpredictable moods. And the rage is the worst. Where the h*ll DOES it come from?

I have never been one to anger easily. Until the hot-flashes and peri-menopause symptoms kicked in full fledge.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Openminded said:


> *SA, sex after menopause is for very many women just exactly like sex before menopause.
> 
> You'll be just fine!!*


 Well I am sure measures can be taken to make it do-able.. and still want it... and given this inspiring post by Avon Pink here..



> *Avon Pink said*: I don't think you need to worry about your sex drive post menopause. *Like you, I had that surge in sex drive and like you, I don't want it to go away. So I've made up my mind that it won't go away. I think the time both you and I have spent having this super sex drive has created a behavior pattern that isn't totally dependent on hormones. The brain is a dynamic organ and learns from itself. The neural pathways we've created by having this sex drive and loving it, will keep those pathways open and well traversed even when the hormonal push is gone.
> 
> That's my story and I'm sticking to it!*


This too is HOW I FEEL..and want to continue to feel.. Loved that post [email protected]#

*BUT *.... I can not deny others experiences , what I have read, hearing other personal stories -even those close to me... my own Mother & step Mother....also how my own has taken a dip as of late...and I'm still not there yet.. I need lube now darn it, not every time but never needed it before. 

I had a conversation with my step Mom about this a few yrs back.. telling her what I was experiencing-couldn't get enough...she went through THAT too... then after she had "the change"....she said "that was IT"...she just didn't care anymore... could live without it..she said this all the while knowing it's not something my Father particularly liked,

One thing I know about those 2... vibrant very active sex life their entire marriage, why he married her a week after his divorce from my mother.. Very close...so I thought..."Darn...that sucks!"... I am sure it helped that my dad has some health issues, RA, and this set him back some.....so yeah that conversation remains in my memory...plus the guys at work tell my Husband ..."it's all gonna dry up, enjoy it NOW!".... that's been many of their experiences too with their wives....

*Would like to hear from more of the husbands on this ??*

OH there is always the option of hormones.. should we, should we not ?? That will be the BIG question....If she does... it would make sense it all carries on smoothly.... some have spoken of the wonders of ESTRING® (estradiol vaginal ring)  ...then those warnings of an increase in cancer risk... 

I told myself I wouldn't dare read "50 shades of Grey" when my drive was insatiable -that could have been dangerous...that I'd save it for when I need a jump start... I figure menopause will probably be that time...I'll need all the Help I can get !!!

Then there is the hit on orgasms ...taken from  The North American Menopause Society, NAMS



> Many of the age- and menopause-related hormone changes and vaginal changes that can dampen arousal around midlife can also affect women’s enjoyment of sex and ability to achieve orgasm. Here again, the vaginal atrophy and dryness related to low estrogen play a role, as does reduced blood supply to the clitoris and lower vagina.
> 
> Also, the clitoris—a key center of sexual pleasure for most women—is likely to be less sensitive than in earlier years, possibly due to reduced estrogen levels and changes in the vascular and nervous systems.
> 
> All of this may mean some reduction in the sensations and pleasure you experience during lovemaking. It also can affect orgasm, which may be less intense, take longer to achieve, or rarely happen at all. If you are troubled by a consistent difficulty or delay in reaching orgasm, or a consistent inability to reach orgasm after adequate stimulation, you may have what has been called "female orgasmic disorder."
> 
> Orgasm problems are more common in women over 45.
> In a large nationwide survey about sexual behavior among older US adults, 23% of women ages 57 to 85 said they did not find sex pleasurable. Of these women, 64%—or 15% of women in the overall survey—said they were troubled by this lack of pleasure.
> 
> Another large nationwide survey found that about 5% of US women have a problem achieving orgasm that causes them concern. In that survey, the rate of these problems with orgasm was higher among women ages 45 to 64 and those 65 or older (6% in both groups) than among women younger than 45 (3%).
> 
> The experience of sex as anticlimactic and less pleasurable is likely to dampen desire over time. This makes it easy to see just how interrelated sexual problems can be.


This sounds a little brighter...



> Sex After Menopause - Sex Tips for Women After Menopause
> 
> *Truth #5*: *You May Have to Work a Little Harder for an Orgasm *. “You may be used to 30 orgasms a night, but the reality is that during and after menopause, you may have to work a little harder to have one or two,” says Dorree Lynn, PhD, a psychologist and sex educator who works with the AARP in Washington, DC, and the author of the forthcoming book Sex for Grownups: Dr. Dorree Reveals the Truths, Lies and Must Tries for Great Sex After 50.
> 
> Don’t let that get you down, she says. “Just remember, you can't compete with the memory of your younger self,” she adds. “Fifty isn't the new 20, its being 50 and loving every aspect of who you are and your breadth of experience.”


----------



## Openminded

SA, while it's true things can dry up (in every way) for many women after menopause, for many women it's just the same as it's always been. For me, there is no difference at all when I compare now and 50 years ago.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

jld said:


> *Dug had to go away last month, for two weeks. I was really upset the first day, crying a lot. I just feel so sad sometimes, thinking anything could happen to him. He's been such a blessing to me, such a gift in my life (and the children, too).
> 
> If you feel sad, just send me a pm. I will do my best to cheer you up.*


I know how much you mean that !....







..."That's what friends are for "... 
Your Peri years he has been gone a good bit.. this would be difficult enough on a wife...then add the turbulent PERI ..







...I'd say you've managed pretty well JLD !


----------



## SimplyAmorous

happy as a clam said:


> SA... so glad you started this thread! I almost started a thread with the same topic.
> 
> *I have diagnosed PMDD (which is significantly more troubling than PMS). My monthly cycle is atrocious and my cramps are severe -- I've often said my monthly cramps are worse than childbirth  I delivered both my children naturally, with no epidural and no drugs -- it was less painful than my monthly cycle. Seriously*.


 But you always seem "happy as a CLAM"... 



> As for menopause, I am 49 and my doc tells me I'm nowhere close to being done. But I have been experiencing peri-menopause for nearly 10 years, and *I simply cannot believe that EVERYTHING has gotten worse. My cramps are worse, flow is heavier, breasts swell to gargantuan proportions, and my moods are sooooooooo bad during that time of the month -- my poor SO, sometimes I think he must think I'm psychotic! *


 I was going to ask how HE handles this.. so he doesn't get on you ...seems to understand.. and bites the bullet so to speak.. 

It seems the majority of women WANT LEFT ALONE when dealing with this, they separate themselves, go for a walk.. if they have a "woman cave"...they'll shut the door behind them...

My experience.. I know I've already said this...I want to be closer...more reassured by him...this *soothes* me many times...I've told my Husband...he is "MY PILL" , my relief.. 



> Interestingly, my 17yo daughter has NONE of these problems, although my mom, my two sisters and I were all nearly debilitated every month. * My daughter never even knows her period is coming until it starts*.


 She may take more after the women on her Father's side.... whatever the case, I'm sure you are relieved for her ! 



> I cry at the drop of a hat, blow my lid at the drop of a hat, basically my emotions are all over the place. And the hot flashes are ridiculous too. * I've tried dozens of supplements, birth control, and bio-identical hormones but nothing has helped. Despite all this, my sex drive has increased through the roof *.


 Another women landing here due to *the surge* ?? 

Surprised the Bio-identical Hormones didn't help some... isn't this the big rave in keeping our youth..bringing immediate relief...what Suzanne Somer's books are all about....
.









Why Suzanne Somers Loves Bioidentical Hormones - US News

Suzanne Somers On Her Anti-Aging 'Bombshell'  (@ 1:20 she speaks of what she does daily).....

I found this.. sounds EXTREME -that many pills [email protected]#$...


> For years Somers has loudly spoken and written about bioidentical hormones and how she has benefited from taking them.
> 
> Somers invited cameras into her home to show her daily routine, seen below. First she rubs hormone lotion on the inside of her upper arm, always estrogen and two weeks a month progesterone. She then injects estriol vaginally, which she did not let cameras see.
> 
> Then there are her pills, all *60* of them. 40 in the morning with a smoothie and the rest at night. She admits the pill quantity is extreme, saying, "I know I look like some kind of fanatic."
> 
> Thanks to her routine, and exercise, Somers claims to have beaten what she calls "the Seven Dwarfs of Menopause": Itchy, b****y, Sleepy, Sweaty, Bloated, Forgetful and All Dried Up."


But the Debate rages on.. 

 Prescription for Change -- Why Suzanne Somers is wrong about hormones

Suzanne Somers' Hormone Hackery Is Unscientific and Dangerous 

This sounds reasonable to me (I am just starting to read about this stuff !).. the ending of that 1st link...


> *Here’s our recommendation*. Hormone use of any kind, bioidentical or not, should only be used for symptom relief (severe hot flashes and/or bothersome vaginal dryness) and only at the lowest doses for the shortest time possible. If you take hormones after menopause, do not take progestagen every day (a popular regimen).
> 
> You can take two weeks of progesterone every three months; that will protect you from the endometrial cancer risk of estrogen and lessen your exposure to the progestagen. If you are treating vaginal dryness, use a vaginal preparation—an estrogen cream or an estrogen ring-- to lower your total estrogen exposure.





> *happy as a clam said*: *I basically eat a Paleo diet (no bread, no gluten, very few processed foods), lift heavy weights 3x per week, and walk 4 miles daily. I'm in the best shape of my life and I'm not sure what else I could do in that arena to improve things.*


 Wow!! 4 miles a day (what discipline!!)....a strict diet , lifting weights ...and still no relief  that's just not right...you have so much dedication ...how frustrating !!



> *One more observation... I've noticed as I age I don't metabolize alcohol very well any more. I used to get that "happy" feeling after a glass of wine. Now I just get tired and grumpy. So I've switched to dark chocolate*.


 Yes...chocolate !.. I swear I need a cocoa FIX everyday.....I can't even have chocolate chips in the house, or I'll get into them.. my kids get so  at me - they want to make cookies & Mom ate half the bag! 








..


----------



## jld

I hear you loud and clear on the chocolate chips, SA. A few after lunch, a few after dinner . . .


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Openminded said:


> SA, while it's true things can dry up (in every way) for many women after menopause, *for many women it's just the same as it's always been. For me, there is no difference at all when I compare now and 50 years ago*.


Was you always easily orgasmic though...and this remained ?? If so.. you have surely beat the odds.. there was a comment left on one of my threads , this male poster has said a few times I sounded like his wife, so of course THEIR experience could be what lies await for US ...as he sounded so much LIKE MY HUSBAND too (in how much that means to him).... then Menopause hit...things just were not the same.. new challenges..

This was the post...



> I'm living the struggle as we speak.
> 
> In reading your posts you two sound a lot like us, err, us in the past that is. Menopause has decreased her drive and her ability to orgasm (related?). There is a big difference between "take me" as you put it and knowing she won't come. It's a different dynamic and set up or lead into.
> 
> We used to generally simultaneously O from PiV. That hasn't been the case for a few years, no problem, we make sure she cums first. Earlier this week as I'm about to go down on her she say no, hop on board now. I knew that meant she wouldn't cum and it just wasn't not the same. To make matters worse then I couldn't cum and she got upset about that.
> 
> Yes, I probably need to get over it, fast, it but it's not easy on so many levels. After 20+ years of being very much in synch it is very difficult for me. I do realize it is primarily on me, she's not deliberately doing anything wrong/bad/harmful (I'm not coming up with right word) and is trying to work with me but it's still hard.


Keeping an open mind of course... but No, I don't expect it to all remain as it has been.. There will be challenges.. oh we'll get through!


----------



## SimplyAmorous

jld said:


> *I hear you loud and clear on the chocolate chips, SA. A few after lunch, a few after dinner *. . .


I just had some in a little dish with my morning tea.. (great breakfast -my diet sucks!)...yep, opened up a new bag.. !


----------



## Openminded

SimplyAmorous said:


> Was you always easily orgasmic though...and this remained ?? If so.. you have surely beat the odds.


Yes, ultra quick from the very beginning. Until I joined TAM I didn't realize that all females aren't extremely fast. I'm a very impatient person so perhaps it's a good thing I turned out to be the way I am because I don't think I would have patience enough to work at it -- no doubt I would have just given up.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

intheory said:


> *Wow, Openminded; having a period until you were 60. I have heard of this. It should stand your bones and your heart in good stead, to have had the estrogen protection and influence a bit longer*.


 Yes, there are indeed WONDERFUL HEALTH benefits for it to stay away...there is a plus side.. but also the increased risk of cancer...

Causes of Late-Onset Menopause (between the mid-40s to mid-50s is the traditional time for regular menopause to occur so they say). 



> *The Good* :
> Unlike early and premature menopause, late-onset menopause can actually have some major health benefits. Because menopause occurs with a decline in the production of estrogen and progesterone by a woman’s ovaries, it often signals such problems as osteoporosis and heart problems. When a woman’s ovaries produce these hormones longer, osteoporosis and heart problems seem to also be delayed. Because of this, women with late-onset menopause actually tend to live longer.
> 
> *The BAD*: There is an increased risk of breast cancer, however, due to the lengthened amount of time a woman’s body is producing estrogen. Researchers have also pinpointed an increased risk for cervical neoplasia, the changes in cancer cells that can signal the onset of cervical cancer. Pap smears detect the presence of these cells and can catch them early enough to prevent progression into cancer. Regular mammograms and pap smears are especially important for women experiencing late-onset menopause.





> SA - I know this sounds kooky, but I would recommend olive oil as an internal sexual lubricant. *Extra-virgin, organic. * It does have a "green" odor. But commercial lubricant has a "chemically" odor. I use it with my kegel exerciser. The reason why is that olive oil is estrogenic. So, it is ideal for a woman to use. NOTE: don't use with latex condoms, it can cause them to break. You can research it;like you do so well on all these sexual topics  It might not be for you; you never know. AnonPink always recommends *coconut oil. *I don't know if you can use it internally or not. There is now a coconut oil that is in liquid form. It's usually solid at room temperature. It's quite expensive $12/bottle. It's in the organic section of the grocery store.
> 
> *Don't use lube that's got any kind of sugar in it. Watch for words that start with gly-, or end in -ose. Sugar in your vagina means yeast infection.*


 I can only remember having 2 yeast infections over the yrs.. both related to taking antibiotics, then I wised up & started downing the yogurt & taking acidophilus pills during treatment.. . 

Been using *>*







which has the "gly-"s ... Looked up the ingredients "Purified Water, *Gly*cerin, Propylene *Gly*col, Polyquaternium 15, Methylparaben, Propylparaben ".. it's good to learn of other alternatives.. I like to try new things and read up on this stuff. 



> *And if you have trouble "getting there" as you get older, they have all those tiny egg or finger vibrators. I'd use one of those with H, if I had to. All that really matters (I think) is feeling good and being close.*


 I never really tried any of these ...I bet Adam & Eve has a slew to choose from.. what I like about their site is...they have reviews ! I will take the approach I feel about men.. the whole "use it or loose it"... All for keeping that going..


----------



## tangled123

Wow! lots of information on menopause, I need to read up. 

Hope it gets better soon for you SA and you continue to enjoy lots of sex

Has anyone have experience with early menopause? My mother stopped menstruating at 40 and I have been having severe mood swings since I turned 36. I am 38 now and starting to see the symptoms. 

My mood swings starts one week before and I easily get annoyed by everything. I used to be pretty emotional and would cry when faced with extreme emotions but the tables have completely turned since last few years. I don't cry for anything any more. Honestly its been like 3 years since I cried if I remember correctly. Instead of going into crying mode I see myself going into thinking mode. 

I only realized the mood swings were PMS after a year and would usually tell H that I am having PMS and to excuse me. I will sail this period by watching nice movies or indulging in retail therapy and try to talk very less. 

Looks like I need to change the diet and start exercising again. Early menopause seems like a good idea when I think of the 2 days of pain every month


----------



## minimalME

SimplyAmorous said:


>


For me...

My last period was the first week in November.

For the next two months, I had intense hot and cold flashes, night sweats and clamminess. I dressed in layers, and as soon as I peeled a couple of things off, I was putting them back on.

Some hot flashes would build to a peak, and then subside, while others would just simmer. And there was one day in particular where it was one on top of another, with no relief all night.

But the worst part was the trigger for the flashes, which was like a 'drop' inside me. I don't know how to describe it other than to say it felt like a second of despair/hopelessness - and then I would have the flash. 

It didn't happen each time (there was no consistency or pattern to it at all), but there would be days where I'd end up crying because I would get that moment of weirdness over and over again.

I told myself when all this started that I wasn't going to go on any type of medication, but the emotional aspect of it changed my mind.

And then around the first week or so of January, the flashes stopped.

I still get the weird feeling occasionally - like now, being woken up way too early in the morning, but no period and no flashes.

And some of those flashes were whoppers! A couple of them went on f-o-r-e-v-e-r. 



> Truth #5: You May Have to Work a Little Harder for an Orgasm . “You may be used to 30 orgasms a night, but the reality is that during and after menopause, you may have to work a little harder to have one or two,” says Dorree Lynn, PhD, a psychologist and sex educator who works with the AARP in Washington, DC, and the author of the forthcoming book Sex for Grownups: Dr. Dorree Reveals the Truths, Lies and Must Tries for Great Sex After 50.
> 
> Don’t let that get you down, she says. “Just remember, you can't compete with the memory of your younger self,” she adds. “Fifty isn't the new 20, its being 50 and loving every aspect of who you are and your breadth of experience.”




Yeah. 

I've never been highly orgasmic - at least not with a partner. But now the spontaneous feeling of being excited has gone too. 

It takes conscious effort these days. Which is fine, but still - the end of an era.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Openminded said:


> *Yes, ultra quick from the very beginning. Until I joined TAM I didn't realize that all females aren't extremely fast. I'm a very impatient person so perhaps it's a good thing I turned out to be the way I am because I don't think I would have patience enough to work at it -- no doubt I would have just given up.*


 What is ultra quick... so you mean you've never needed much foreplay ....could live on Quickies? and this remained after menopause...or am I misreading you?

I would think this would be outside of the vast majority of female experiences.. although I have ALWAYS loved sex & when aroused.. it's like "don't stop NOW!" or he'd have an angry women on his hands... 

Yet that saying "*women are slow cookers & men are microwaves*".. this was true of us too, outside of that insatiable surge phase I experienced ...I was more like a MAN during that, ready to go all hrs of the day...but it's back to "slow cooking" once again... bummer.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

tangled123 said:


> Wow! lots of information on menopause, I need to read up.
> 
> Hope it gets better soon for you SA and you continue to enjoy lots of sex
> 
> Has anyone have experience with early menopause? My mother stopped menstruating at 40 and I have been having severe mood swings since I turned 36. I am 38 now and starting to see the symptoms.
> 
> My mood swings starts one week before and I easily get annoyed by everything. *I used to be pretty emotional and would cry when faced with extreme emotions but the tables have completely turned since last few years. I don't cry for anything any more. Honestly its been like 3 years since I cried if I remember correctly. Instead of going into crying mode I see myself going into thinking mode. *


 How odd is this.. so you become LESS weepy and more of a THinker.. oh my goodness.. does anything make sense with us women [email protected]# Ha ha.. 



> I only realized the mood swings were PMS after a year and would usually tell H that I am having PMS and to excuse me. * I will sail this period by watching nice movies or indulging in retail therapy and try to talk very less.*


 Getting lost in a movie is ALWAYS enjoyable...what is retail therapy?...shopping online.. that's enjoyable too! 



> *Looks like I need to change the diet and start exercising again. Early menopause seems like a good idea when I think of the 2 days of pain every month*


There is a zillion links for a better diet on this.. but here's one from Doc Oz...

4 Ways to Manage Perimenopause Through Diet | The Dr. Oz Show



> I remember when my mother hit menopause, she started sporting a button that said, “I’m out of estrogen and I have a gun.” She was, needless to say, joking, but our entire family tiptoed on eggshells until the button came off. While women across the globe know that “The Change” lies somewhere in their future, replete with varying degrees of physical and emotional shifts, most women are shocked to learn that there’s actually another stage many of us hit before then: perimenopause. ...
> 
> *Eliminate Key “Hot Spot” Triggers*...
> 
> Think of Hippocrate’s advice: “First, do no harm.” Sugar, caffeine and alcohol are three compounds in the diet that can exaggerate any hormonal symptoms, igniting a c***tail of emotions when stress is added. If your blood sugar is sky high after a donut, or your body’s “fight or flight” stress response is over-activated from a mega-jolt of caffeine, you may be creating a perfect storm for that emotional rollercoaster. And while alcohol may seem to settle your nerves in the moment, overdoing it can have lingering effects on your edginess the next day. Eliminate these three things in your diet and you can often see a difference almost immediately.
> 
> *Omega-3-rich Foods*...
> 
> Happy brain chemistry is dependent on getting adequate amounts of omega-3s in the diet, as research has linked adequate omega-3s in the diet with better moods and lower rates of depression. The brain particularly loves DHA, a key omega-3 fat in the brain which comprises 50% by weight of some brain cells. *Enjoy at least two servings of fatty fish each week *like salmon, sardines, tuna, mackerel, barramundi or bluefish weekly to naturally include some of nature’s richest sources of omega-3s. *Snack on one ounce of walnuts*, which packs a day’s worth of omega-3s in the form of alpha-linolenic acid, or ALA. *Or drizzle two tablespoons of ground flaxseed or one tablespoon cold pressed flax oil on your morning bowl of oatmeal for an added boost*. If you absolutely don’t like fish, consider taking a USP certified fish oil supplement (the USP certification will ensure good manufacturing practices). Of course, be sure to check with your health-care provider before adding any new supplements to your regimen.
> 
> *Load Up on Legumes*....
> 
> *Beans and lentils are superfoods which offer several benefits to women going through either perimenopause or menopause*. Why? The combo of high fiber and protein help to keep blood sugar stable longer after meals and snacks, providing a nice buffer against those “mood swings within minutes” that many perimenopausal women describe. They also score high points for being low in calories, which helps women in their 40s and 50s maintain a healthy body weight during what is typically a time of creeping weight gain (metabolism can slow as women lose lean muscle mass if they are not involved in strength training).
> 
> Legumes are also rich in B-complex vitamins, including folate and B6, which serve as cofactors for enzymes involved with estrogen metabolism. Aim to include at least one cup per day (a half-cup provides about 7 grams of protein): Enjoy a cup of pasta fagioli or lentil soup with a green salad for lunch, simmer a pot of three-bean chili this weekend, or savor French, green or red lentils (they’re tinier and more delicate) as your next side dish along grilled fish or chicken.
> 
> *Think About Adding Some Soy*..
> 
> Should you start stocking up on soy products to help you stay cool as things heat up? Possibly, depending on your personal family history. Some evidence suggests that soy might help thanks to the phytoestrogens that soybeans contain. Phytoestrogens are naturally occurring plant compounds that can mimic the body’s own estrogen by binding to certain estrogen receptors, potentially helping your body ease through the loss of your own source of estrogen.
> 
> Though they are about 1000 times weaker than regular estrogen, there is some evidence to suggests that including 2-3 servings of soy food daily may help reduce the severity of hot flashes, protect against bone loss and heart disease, and reduce your risk of breast cancer (a half-cup of roasted soy nuts or edamame as a snack, or a half-cup of *tofu* in your stir fry all count as one serving). For that, it may be worth a try to see if you start feeling better after a month or two of adding soy to your diet. However, there have also been some studies which have found no added benefit, and adding soy may be contraindicated if you have a personal or family history of estrogen-sensitive cancers like breast cancer, so be sure to talk with your doctor first.


----------



## Openminded

SimplyAmorous said:


> What is ultra quick... so you mean you've never needed much foreplay ....could live on Quickies? and this remained after menopause...or am I misreading you?
> 
> I would think this would be outside of the vast majority of female experiences.. although I have ALWAYS loved sex & when aroused.. it's like "don't stop NOW!" or he'd have an angry women on his hands...
> 
> Yet that saying "*women are slow cookers & men are microwaves*".. this was true of us too, outside of that insatiable surge phase I experienced ...I was more like a MAN during that, ready to go all hrs of the day...but it's back to "slow cooking" once again... bummer.


I have never required more than five minutes at most. Normally it's just a couple of minutes. I always thought that was how all females were until I joined TAM (obviously I hadn't read anything about female sexuality). 

I was surprised the first time I read here about a female needing 20 minutes. The range for females is far more varied than I thought.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

minimalME said:


> My last period was the first week in November.
> 
> *For the next two months, I had intense hot and cold flashes, night sweats and clamminess. I dressed in layers, and as soon as I peeled a couple of things off, I was putting them back on.
> 
> Some hot flashes would build to a peak, and then subside, while others would just simmer. And there was one day in particular where it was one on top of another, with no relief all night.
> 
> But the worst part was the trigger for the flashes, which was like a 'drop' inside me. I don't know how to describe it other than to say it felt like a second of despair/hopelessness - and then I would have the flash. *
> 
> It didn't happen each time (there was no consistency or pattern to it at all), but there would be days where I'd end up crying because I would get that moment of weirdness over and over again.
> 
> I told myself when all this started that I wasn't going to go on any type of medication, but the emotional aspect of it changed my mind.
> 
> And then around the first week or so of January, the flashes stopped.


So in a period of 2 MONTHS ...it sounds you had INTENSE Hot/cold flashes.. enough to seek medication.. I have not experienced any of this YET.. (only when my H kept telling me my BODY temperature WAS TOO







during those beginning months of the surge) then this went away.. I remember thinking / hoping I didn't have some sort of cancer growing in me !....I felt FINE but I guess I was overheated to the touch!

It seems many have ongoing hot & cold flashes for years with the Peri ...but yours waited to explode on you in a 2 month period..... hmmm it might not be over yet !

My Mother has told me her transition was "like nothing" -no big deal at all.. however I recall when HER mother (my Grandmother) was going through it, she DID have those Hot/cold flashes and caused my Grandfather some real grief...
I guess we'll see! 



> *I've never been highly orgasmic - at least not with a partner. But now the spontaneous feeling of being excited has gone too.*
> 
> *It takes conscious effort these days. Which is fine, but still - the end of an era.*


 It is an end of an era.. this is what I expect --and yeah...I don't like it at all...kicking & screaming comes to mind.. STAY AWAY [email protected]#..

I understand I will have to WILL myself to "get in that erotic mindframe"... given how much of a HIGH I felt /lived / breathed only 6 years ago...to the point of near Obsession and addiction with sex.. I am hoping that experience can carry me ... inspire me so to speak to use my Brain...transporting me to places like this..







they say our biggest sex organ IS THE BRAIN...

The biggest sex organ? Your brain - today 

Brain and Sex | HealthyWomen

Sex After Menopause Tips  (2 minute video)

This site seems packed with info ...on every aspect..

libido loss :: Female Menopause Mentors | Menopause Coach | Menopause Weight Loss | Menopause Nutrition | menopause relief


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Openminded said:


> I have never required more than five minutes at most. Normally it's just a couple of minutes. I always thought that was how all females were until I joined TAM (obviously I hadn't read anything about female sexuality).
> 
> I was surprised the first time I read here about a female needing 20 minutes. The range for females is far more varied than I thought.


There was much I was not aware of either, very surprised to learn that only about 1/3 orgasm through PIV while oral sex/ Cunnilingus is far more common (I am the complete opposite of this)... I've learned a TON by reading stories here & googling numerous links... it's been eye opening in many ways! 

Female Orgasm Facts ......Female Orgasms: Myths and Facts.....Female Orgasm May Be Tied to 'Rule of Thumb'......Understanding orgasm


----------



## tangled123

SimplyAmorous said:


> How odd is this.. so you become LESS weepy and more of a THinker.. oh my goodness.. does anything make sense with us women [email protected]# Ha ha..
> 
> *No, it doesn't make sense at all and my H once joked that I am turning into a man*:lol:
> 
> Getting lost in a movie is ALWAYS enjoyable...what is retail therapy?...shopping online.. that's enjoyable too!
> 
> *Yes, by retail therapy I meant "shopping" its therapeutic for me to walk around the malls looking for things I like all by myself *
> 
> 
> 
> There is a zillion links for a better diet on this.. but here's one from Doc Oz...
> 
> 4 Ways to Manage Perimenopause Through Diet | The Dr. Oz Show
> 
> * Thank you*


----------



## Tabbyscatt

It seems that when I eat reasonably --meaning very little sugar, red meat, and carbs -- I've noticed a significant reduction in my hot flashes. They've returned, and I can only think it's the extra weight I gained since the holidays by letting my diet slide. These flashes have renewed my focus on dropping those extra 5 pounds! Like now. I'm so done with night sweats.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


----------



## Holland

SimplyAmorous said:


> ........................
> 
> 
> 
> There is a zillion links for a better diet on this.. but here's one from Doc Oz...
> 
> 4 Ways to Manage Perimenopause Through Diet | The Dr. Oz Show
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Eliminate Key “Hot Spot” Triggers...
> 
> Think of Hippocrate’s advice: “First, do no harm.” Sugar, caffeine and alcohol are three compounds in the diet that can exaggerate any hormonal symptoms, igniting a c***tail of emotions when stress is added. If your blood sugar is sky high after a donut, or your body’s “fight or flight” stress response is over-activated from a mega-jolt of caffeine, you may be creating a perfect storm for that emotional rollercoaster. And while alcohol may seem to settle your nerves in the moment, overdoing it can have lingering effects on your edginess the next day. Eliminate these three things in your diet and you can often see a difference almost immediately.
> 
> Omega-3-rich Foods...
> 
> Happy brain chemistry is dependent on getting adequate amounts of omega-3s in the diet, as research has linked adequate omega-3s in the diet with better moods and lower rates of depression. The brain particularly loves DHA, a key omega-3 fat in the brain which comprises 50% by weight of some brain cells. Enjoy at least two servings of fatty fish each week like salmon, sardines, tuna, mackerel, barramundi or bluefish weekly to naturally include some of nature’s richest sources of omega-3s. Snack on one ounce of walnuts, which packs a day’s worth of omega-3s in the form of alpha-linolenic acid, or ALA. Or drizzle two tablespoons of ground flaxseed or one tablespoon cold pressed flax oil on your morning bowl of oatmeal for an added boost. If you absolutely don’t like fish, consider taking a USP certified fish oil supplement (the USP certification will ensure good manufacturing practices). Of course, be sure to check with your health-care provider before adding any new supplements to your regimen.
> 
> Load Up on Legumes....
> 
> Beans and lentils are superfoods which offer several benefits to women going through either perimenopause or menopause. Why? The combo of high fiber and protein help to keep blood sugar stable longer after meals and snacks, providing a nice buffer against those “mood swings within minutes” that many perimenopausal women describe. They also score high points for being low in calories, which helps women in their 40s and 50s maintain a healthy body weight during what is typically a time of creeping weight gain (metabolism can slow as women lose lean muscle mass if they are not involved in strength training).
> 
> Legumes are also rich in B-complex vitamins, including folate and B6, which serve as cofactors for enzymes involved with estrogen metabolism. Aim to include at least one cup per day (a half-cup provides about 7 grams of protein): Enjoy a cup of pasta fagioli or lentil soup with a green salad for lunch, simmer a pot of three-bean chili this weekend, or savor French, green or red lentils (they’re tinier and more delicate) as your next side dish along grilled fish or chicken.
> 
> Think About Adding Some Soy..
> 
> Should you start stocking up on soy products to help you stay cool as things heat up? Possibly, depending on your personal family history. Some evidence suggests that soy might help thanks to the phytoestrogens that soybeans contain. Phytoestrogens are naturally occurring plant compounds that can mimic the body’s own estrogen by binding to certain estrogen receptors, potentially helping your body ease through the loss of your own source of estrogen.
> 
> Though they are about 1000 times weaker than regular estrogen, there is some evidence to suggests that including 2-3 servings of soy food daily may help reduce the severity of hot flashes, protect against bone loss and heart disease, and reduce your risk of breast cancer (a half-cup of roasted soy nuts or edamame as a snack, or a half-cup of tofu in your stir fry all count as one serving). For that, it may be worth a try to see if you start feeling better after a month or two of adding soy to your diet. However, there have also been some studies which have found no added benefit, and adding soy may be contraindicated if you have a personal or family history of estrogen-sensitive cancers like breast cancer, so be sure to talk with your doctor first.



With my little sample size of one I would agree with these diet suggestions however I doubt it would make much difference as a last minute, ad hoc change to your life style.
This is how I have eaten for 30 years and on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being severe peri and menopause issues I would sit at about a 1.
I started peri at about age 46ish, went for 2 years and now at 49 I am in full menopause.
No significant hot flushes.
No significant mood swings.
No change to my sex drive.
No need to use lube.
No hair thinning
etc.

The worst I had was itchy skin which I controlled with zyrtec. I also have to be more carful with portion sizes so I don't put on weight.

I pretty much breezed through menopause and believe it was due to my health vegetarian diet that is high in soy, legumes, linseeds etc.


----------



## TX-SC

This is a great discussion and very informative! My wife is 42 and I hope we have a decade or two before dealing with menopause, but you just never know. Her PMS can be pretty bad at times. I also have 12 yo and a 14 yo daughters, so it seems somebody is always pissed off about something. 

My kids will be out of the house in 6 years, and I was hoping to have a few years of empty nest fun before menopause. 

I do have perhaps a delicate question for the women who have been through menopause. I realize desire can vary afterwards, but when you are turned on do you still lubricate as before, or is lube a must? I've heard dryness can be an issue, but I'm not sure if that means just in general or during sex? 

One thing is for sure, I want to be very supportive and I know it can be a difficult time. Reading this thread has helped.


----------



## Holland

I don't need lube post menopause but that might be because I am only 49 and finished with menopause.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Holland said:


> With my little sample size of one I would agree with these diet suggestions however I doubt it would make much difference as a last minute, ad hoc change to your life style.
> This is how I have eaten for 30 years and on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being severe peri and menopause issues I would sit at about a 1.
> I started peri at about age 46ish, went for 2 years and now at 49 I am in full menopause.
> No significant hot flushes.
> No significant mood swings.
> No change to my sex drive.
> No need to use lube.
> No hair thinning
> etc.
> 
> The worst I had was itchy skin which I controlled with zyrtec. I also have to be more carful with portion sizes so I don't put on weight.
> 
> I pretty much breezed through menopause and believe it was due to my health vegetarian diet that is high in soy, legumes, linseeds etc.


What is full menopause.. no more periods ? I get confused with all of this.. I still haven't had any hot /cold flashes -other than my temperature being on the HOT side when I was 42 -with that high sex drive phase...

My diet has never been good...it's one of those things I just can't seem to stick to....I eat way too much chocolate.. not many vegetables.. never been one to stick to any exercise plan either.. I can't stand exercising.... but I've always been very active...never struggled with weight.. thankfully.. but I hear this can change with menopause.. I might be in for a rude awakening there..


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## SimplyAmorous

TX-SC said:


> pause.
> 
> I do have perhaps a delicate question for the women who have been through menopause. I realize desire can vary afterwards, but when you are turned on do you still lubricate as before, or is lube a must? I've heard dryness can be an issue, but I'm not sure if that means just in general or during sex?
> 
> One thing is for sure, I want to be very supportive and I know it can be a difficult time. Reading this thread has helped.


Not my personal experience (yet) but it sure sounds many women loose their sex drives.. have a harder time getting there.. just not "feeling it" anymore , and dryness does become an issue.. we see the commercials on TV about it...

My step Mother being one... I recall a conversation with her about sex yrs ago... when I had a raging drive.. cause I know her & my dad were crazily in love - and always getting it on back then... she shared how their 40's were HOT HOT HOT.. but then she told me when she went through "the change"...that was it.. it was GONE..









Though obviously this is not the case for all women...they say our *brains* are our greatest sex organ...I'm counting on still being about to work it up.. turn myself on.. if not.. I think I'll want some hormones to help me out.. 

Estring (Estradiol Vaginal Ring)  has been mentioned on this forum - that has helped keep the Sex drive alive after menopause.. though reading all those warnings & upping our cancer risk is scary !



I've seem some very telling posts by women who started Hormones DUE to menopause, they were miserable & this gave them their life back... then their Drive SPIKED and WOW...it's like their eyes were opened for the 1st time & they couldn't get enough..and this really sucked as their husbands were slowing down, as their TEST was declining. 

As with the whole Peri symptoms thing.. it seems this too (after menopause, what to expect) also varies from women to women... 

I really don't know what is in store myself.. other than I don't want it @# Stay away!


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## Holland

SA you are classed as full menopause when there have been no periods for 12 months.


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## SimplyAmorous

Holland said:


> SA you are classed as full menopause when there have been no periods for 12 months.


Ok.. that's what I was thinking.. I had a friend who thought she was over it.. didn't have anything for like 2 yrs.. then WHAM.. this gushing came out of her .... so hmmm..it's a crazy time.. I think she got that checked out... 

Mine hasn't slowed down at all.. every time I get my monthly.. I :grin2: ...bring on the blood !...

My mother had a hard life & I guess she went through it in her early 40's.. but her older sister, my Aunt, didn't till age 55 or so.. it's not even consistent in our family tree.. I guess time will tell.


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## Holland

SimplyAmorous said:


> Ok.. that's what I was thinking.. I had a friend who thought she was over it.. didn't have anything for like 2 yrs.. then WHAM.. this gushing came out of her .... so hmmm..it's a crazy time.. I think she got that checked out...
> 
> Mine hasn't slowed down at all.. every time I get my monthly.. I :grin2: ...bring on the blood !...
> 
> My mother had a hard life & I guess she went through it in her early 40's.. but her older sister, my Aunt, didn't till age 55 or so.. it's not even consistent in our family tree.. I guess time will tell.


Yes weird things can happen SA but the 12 month timing is the standard benchmark. I recently had some issues with bleeding post sex which can be an indicator of major health issues. Had pelvic exams, ultrasounds, blood tests and a biopsy, all clear thank The Universe. The testing showed that my hormone levels and lack of follicles in the ovaries all indicate that I am post menopause. The Dr said your body can have one last flush out (for want of a technical word).

My mum and sister both had a much harder time with menopause than I did so I don't see any family trend.

Oh and thinking about it I am going to raise my 1-10 level to about a 3, think I was being a bit unrealistic saying it was that much of a breeze. Looking back I did get quite sad and emotional at times during the process but it was all fairly internal and not mood swings. Considering what was happening in my life at the time (son doing VCE, work stress, moving house and doing a full renovation blah blah) then I think I got through it all relatively unscathed. 

Don't stress SA, IMHO it is attitude that takes us a long way in life and yours is good


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## brooklynAnn

SA, what I have noticed in the pass few months are very heavy periods just for two days. Then, bam the third day it's gone. I am nauseous, tired and having headaches like crazy. Just for a day or two after. I guess because of the changing hormones. The mood swing are quite diminished and very mellow. I was crying like crazy last Saturday because my DD tried to correct me on something. It was so stupid, usually I would just argue with her and let it drop. But i started to cry and could not stop, even my MIL came and put her arms around me for a few minutes. My DD felt bad but she understood I was just weepy from my moon time. 

I my sex drive is slowly decreasing. Even my H noticed and said I am not as grabby anymore>. I am sad. I loved being horny and attacking my H. He really enjoys that. I am usually very giving. These pass few months, I have had to make an effort. 

I am peri but if menopause is going to be like this, heck I am not looking forward to it. I have an appointment for next month to get my yearly exam and blood work. I am going to ask for everything. 

My H on the other hand is excited about the boy leaving next year, so we can have wild sex and be loud as we want. I think he will be in for a surprise, when it's not so wild.:crying:

I also, seemed to be putting on weigh more easily around my middle. I have to step up my cardio. Planning on doing that this week. I need to buy a dvd player for downstairs to do my cardio there in the man cave.


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## stephscarlett

Upping cardio hasn't worked for me. Cutting and counting calories has. It's a bummer because I like to eat and LOVE hard core cardio. 
I'm doing IF 16:8


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## heartsbeating

Since this thread started, I've noticed the 'emotions' have somewhat calmed. I'm typically not a crier, or haven't been in the past at least. In saying that, hubs phoned while I was driving home from work. He asked how my day was. As soon as I attempted to answer, my voice cracked; tears at the ready. I told him I needed time and didn't want to talk. He reassured me, told me to drive safe. Based on the happenings of the day, I'm pretty sure that reaction would have occurred regardless of where my hormones were at. However when my male colleague pointed out that I normally look 'vibrant and relaxed' but instead looked 'tired and washed-out' (yeah thanks, haha) that was absolutely related to hormones. I felt too washed-out to bother aiming fireballs from my eyes so instead just laughed and agreed.


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## RainbowBrite

I cried during dinner last night. At home, just the two of us, luckily. I'm definitely feeling more emotional lately - not sure if it's hormonal or just because of stuff that we've been going through. But I've decided to go with bioidentical hormones as soon as they're indicated. I'm still getting periods, but lately they've been nothing but a day of spotting.


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## SimplyAmorous

OliviaG said:


> I cried during dinner last night. At home, just the two of us, luckily. I'm definitely feeling more emotional lately - not sure if it's hormonal or just because of stuff that we've been going through. But I've decided to go with bioidentical hormones as soon as they're indicated. I'm still getting periods, but lately they've been nothing but a day of spotting.


Sorry to hear Olivia ..







...Hormonal highs & lows put aside, the roller coaster of a woman's 40's.... aren't the vast majority of us on the sensitive side..so when things just aren't working out.. just too many things hitting us at once ... sometimes we just need a good cry.. hopefully this is just "situational" or circumstantial... 

There is a poster here (Mary35) ...she knows quite a bit about the Biodenticals....


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## RainbowBrite

SimplyAmorous said:


> Sorry to hear Olivia ..
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...Hormonal highs & lows put aside, the roller coaster of a woman's 40's.... aren't the vast majority of us on the sensitive side..so when things just aren't working out.. just too many things hitting us at once ... sometimes we just need a good cry.. hopefully this is just "situational" or circumstantial...
> 
> There is a poster here (Mary35) ...she knows quite a bit about the Biodenticals....


Thanks, I'm going to tag her in another thread. Would love to hear her experience.


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