# My husband can't seem to let go of an ex girlfriend!



## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

I have been with my husband for almost 10 years and we've been married for 3 1/2 years. He STILL talks about his ex girlfriend who he dated like 20 years ago and who he asked to marry him when he was about 25 (he's now 45). She also came back into his life a few years before I met him. Her name comes up for no reason like "I got this jacket 20 years ago. I wanted one without the laces, but Jen thought I should have them" or "I didn't used to like spicy food, but Jen turned me onto it" or when we were looking to buy a house he told me that he should contact Jen because her mom is a realtor. You know, why does he have to bring her name into that sentence? Can't he just tell me he didn't use to like spicy food without her name??


He has told me they are still friends and he knows I know they are friends on Facebook. He never logs out of his Facebook on our laptop so I go onto it when he's gone to see if they've messaged each other. They apparently ran into each other while he was out for his bachelor party before we got married. I was out of town. She just couldn't get over that he was getting married and then I see a message that was sent 4 days before we got married where she asked him if he got her text and he said "No, but do tell. It's still the same old thing...can't get you out of my head". I literally shook when I saw that after we were married yet never said anything to him. I even saw one message to her that said "I'll be asking you to dinner soon and a yes is expected". Well that never happened because I was always around. then another time I stayed home and he went to meet his buddy at a bar. I usually go with him but wasn't feeling well. Well he just happened to run into her down there. Never told me even when I asked if he ran into anyone down there. Then another time there was a message to her saying that he stopped by her place the night before but then realized it was like 10PM which is why she probably didn't answer. Again, I was out of town.


Then two days ago he went to a class in the afternoon and I met him at a bar after he was done. Well we left the bar around 7:30 in separate cars to go home. It had begun snowing quite a bit and the roads were bad. I got lost leaving the bar and added an extra 15 minutes to my already significantly slowed commute. He always beats me home so when I showed up at the house and didn't see his car I was concerned. I waited about 20 minutes and was just about to call him when he pulled in the driveway. He tells me he was just out driving the neighborhood of the area we left. Really? In the snow when you traffic was going to be bad? I check his Facebook page this morning and see that last night about 15 minutes after we left the bar he sent a message to Jen just simply saying "hello". No response from her. Then I checked his phone today as well and 3 minutes after he sent that message he made a call to her without her answering! Once again not one word to me about him doing this. He was probably sitting outside her house when he called and sent that message just waiting for her to say she's there and for him to go in! Then how would he have explained THAT to me? "Oh I got stuck in the snow and had to wait for someone come and push me out". I can totally see that.


I am so tired of this! He knows how tired I am of hearing her name come up once in a while. Then why whenever he has a chance when I'm not with him, which is hardly ever, does he call her or try and contact her in some way? Always tells me how much he loves me and how wonderful I am and that he was in love with Jen too, but she had issues. She was 20 years ago and she just still happens to live only 30 minutes away from us. She's never been married and he is ALWAYS the one to initiate the contact. If he wants to see her, then take me with him. It boggles my mind that he can't even tell me that he ran into her when he had no plans to do so. Yet he doesn't have a problem telling me that she's his friend on Facebook or bringing her name into conversation when reminiscing. I know damn well he wouldn't want to hear me talk about an ex the way he talks about her. I know too that if I confront him about it he will go "You're making a big deal out of nothing. Yes we were very close at one time but now she's just a good friend and nothing is going on". If she's such a good "friend" then why don't you take me and introduce me to her? Why don't you invite her down to the bar when we are there? Why don't you tell me you gave her a call or ran into her?


Another thing that tips me off that he has been talking to her is that he'll start sarcastically saying to me if he hears me typing a lot and then stopping when he comes in the room "Oh are you writing to your boyfriend?" I can't even go out of town to visit family without wondering if he's going to contact her because chances are he is. I went out of town for 10 days last year but didn't have to worry at all because his daughter was visiting for the month so I knew he wouldn't be pulling any crap like that.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Sigh. Years ago, I dated someone who always talked about his ex-girlfriend. Luckily for me, the relationship did not work out. I was in constant pain, feeling worthless, yet too young and idealistic to just walk away.

Let's be clear: if he needs to keep this woman in his life, let him have her. His behavior is ridiculous and immature.

I know this is difficult for you because you are attached, but you need to make a change in how you react to these situations. Complaining and acting insecure is not working. He keeps doing the same things over and over.

Why don't you just say: "Listen, no one deserves to feel like second best in a relationship. I love you and want you to be happy. If this girl is your true love, as it seems to me, let's separate now and get on with our lives. This situation is painful to me, unfair to me, and disrespectful to me. I am worth more than this."

See how he reacts to this. Even if you don't feel this way, say it. And try to mean it. Don't feel less than Jen.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I wouldn't go so far as to say she's his one true love, but it's obviously a problem and WAY out of bounds.

If she WAS his one true love, he'd have left by now, or never married you.

FYI, the wolves are going to come out, right... about... now... and tell you that he's cheating on you. And you know what? They might be right, and I don't blame them.

I mean, he IS cheating on you. It may not be physical (though, you know... duh) but he IS cheating on you, and with your permission, more or less.

You know they're FB friends. He has no problem bringing her name into conversation. You know all about her from their past together. To HIM, he is not hiding anything. It's there in plain sight. He's just not filling in the details. But he doesn't feel like he has to. I get the impression he feels he's getting away with whatever this is, because you're pretty much allowing him to, and he doesn't feel any guilt about it.

I am not saying this is your fault, but I don't think you're doing enough to stop this. And honestly, I don't think there's anything you CAN do to stop this.

You're in a catch-22 situation here. If you put your foot down and forbid him from any more contact, can foresee (and probably very accurately) that he'll use that as the impetus to bolt from the marriage. I mean, hey, he's already got a willing partner all ready to go. All he needs is a reason, unfortunately.

My best advice is to get him to go to MC, WITHOUT accusing him of an affair, or forbidding him any contact with her. It may takes months (or years) of MC, but you can work in this situation in a way that doesn't make him feel cornered and that a choice has to be made. This is, unfortunately, a situation in which HE has to realize, on his own (with help, of course) that what he is doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. And it'll take time.

If you confront him now, and force him into a decision, he likely won't make the choice you want him to.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

I think she should detach from him emotionally by standing up for herself and that's why I suggested making that statement. It's not about her trying to convince him that he should not be doing this, it's about him feeling it.

The only way he can feel respect for his wife if she feels respect for herself.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Omego said:


> Sigh. Years ago, I dated someone who always talked about his ex-girlfriend. Luckily for me, the relationship did not work out. I was in constant pain, feeling worthless, yet too young and idealistic to just walk away.
> 
> Let's be clear: if he needs to keep this woman in his life, let him have her. His behavior is ridiculous and immature.
> 
> ...


Well the thing is, he doesn't know that I know about ANY of these texts or him running into her or him stopping by her place hoping to see her. I keep these to myself because I am so non-confrontational. I just get angry inside but show as if I know nothing on the outside. The most he knows is that I get tired of hearing her name. One time after he had brought her name up, and my stepdaughter was visiting (stepdaughter was 14 at the time) I said "Oh good old Jen...is there anything she CAN'T do?" very sarcastically. He goes "Oh you know she doesn't mean anything to me." Then his daughter goes "Yeah dad picked you over her so you shouldn't be worrying about anything".

Most of the time these messages between them don't mention that he was with me like "had a good trip" without adding "WE had a good trip" or "was at this bar" instead of "WE were at this bar". But then other times he will add me like when he asked if her mom could help US look for a house. Or when she asked him how everything was and he said "Married life is good". It's like sometimes he's trying to make her jealous and other times he's trying to say that he's single.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

I KNOW he's not cheating on me physically because we are barely ever apart from each other outside of work. He always asks me to go places with him. It just seems like the few times he is on his own and he's in her neighborhood he tries to get a hold of her and the past few times she hasn't been around.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You really need to ask a moderator to move this to the coping with infidelity section.

What you need to do is find out how deep this goes. Way too many red flags here. One of the worst is accusing YOU of contacting boyfriends. Cheaters like to think/pretend their spouse is doing something.

Do not say anything else about this to him until you have gotten some advice in the cwi section.

Good luck


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Don't keep it in because you'll end up feeling worse. 

He's being ambiguous with her and ambiguous with you. Put a stop to it.

It's not being confrontational to say "Look, I can't deal with this so please make your choice".

You are in a win win situation. If you make the statement, and he says, well, yes, I want Jen, then you'll be sad, but free to find someone for whom you are FIRST choice.

I don't have enough information about your relationship to guess what he will do, but perhaps he will wake up and think: "What in the world have I been doing acting like a teenager! My wife is about to leave me! I'm going to cut ties with Jen."

Remember: people act certain ways because they can. Right now, he is getting what he wants. Attention from both women.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Mapper said:


> I KNOW he's not cheating on me physically because we are barely ever apart from each other outside of work. He always asks me to go places with him. It just seems like the few times he is on his own and he's in her neighborhood he tries to get a hold of her and the past few times she hasn't been around.


Famous last words unfortunately. People take off work early, come in a little late. Vacation/sick day time goes missing. There are a million ways to cheat, not saying it is so but you have way too many redflags gong on.

Get the book, it can be down loaded, NOT JUST FRIENDS by /Shirley Glass. Its the definitive work on emotional affairs. After you have done the proper detective work, make him read it.

You are seeing his messages, how do you know if he deletes any?


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Omego said:


> Don't keep it in because you'll end up feeling worse.
> 
> He's being ambiguous with her and ambiguous with you. Put a stop to it.
> 
> ...


If I bring up that I know about all the texts and calls that have been going on then that will open up a whole new can of worms. He will immediately turn it on me as being the one who doesn't trust him and how could I have been checking on him all this time without him knowing and I will end up cowering because I can't argue.

And he would NEVER leave me. He tells me how awesome I am and he'll never find anyone like me and he has such financial difficulty that if I wasn't around to pay for most of the things he'd be out on the street. Plus this Jen now has a physical deformity that she didn't have when they dated and he has told me about this numerous times so I don't think he would ever really go back to her.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

It is a red flag and it is rude and annoying.

It is nothing more than that at the moment and there are a number of very bitter people on this forum.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Famous last words unfortunately. People take off work early, come in a little late. Vacation/sick day time goes missing. There are a million ways to cheat, not saying it is so but you have way too many redflags gong on.
> 
> Get the book, it can be down loaded, NOT JUST FRIENDS by /Shirley Glass. Its the definitive work on emotional affairs. After you have done the proper detective work, make him read it.
> 
> You are seeing his messages, how do you know if he deletes any?


No I REALLY do know that he isn't physically cheating because I work from home and he leaves here at 4:30 AM to get to work at 5AM and is home at 2PM after his 1:30 shift is over every day and if he was to go see her he would have to spend a total of about 1.5 hours coming and going. 

And I'm pretty sure if he never deleted those other messages that pretty much give away what he has been doing that he's not going to delete any other messages! If I look on our phone account online I can tell if he's had contact with her, which only seems to be when I am gone.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Mapper said:


> If I bring up that I know about all the texts and calls that have been going on then that will open up a whole new can of worms. He will immediately turn it on me as being the one who doesn't trust him and how could I have been checking on him all this time without him knowing and I will end up cowering because I can't argue.
> 
> And he would NEVER leave me. He tells me how awesome I am and he'll never find anyone like me and he has such financial difficulty that if I wasn't around to pay for most of the things he'd be out on the street. Plus this Jen now has a physical deformity that she didn't have when they dated and he has told me about this numerous times so I don't think he would ever really go back to her.



I see. The question is now, what do YOU want? Do you love him and do you want to stay with him. Are you capable of giving him an ultimatum? I realize it is difficult for you, but I think that a small gesture you could request he make is to simply not mention Jen around you anymore because it makes you feel belittled. 

Unfortunately, you will have to bring up the lying and sneaking around. Confrontation is unavoidable. Too bad if he gets angry. Just try to stay calm and bring it up.

As there are so many problems here, it would probably be best to go to MC, but only once you've decided what YOU want from the relationship.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Mapper said:


> If I bring up that I know about all the texts and calls that have been going on then that will open up a whole new can of worms. He will immediately turn it on me as being the one who doesn't trust him and how could I have been checking on him all this time without him knowing and I will end up cowering because I can't argue.
> 
> * But you don't trust him at all because he is acting shady and he is 100% in the wrong. *
> 
> And he would NEVER leave me. He tells me how awesome I am and he'll never find anyone like me and he has such financial difficulty that if I wasn't around to pay for most of the things he'd be out on the street. Plus this Jen now has a physical deformity that she didn't have when they dated and he has told me about this numerous times so I don't think he would ever really go back to her.


You would be surprised. At least go do some reading in the cwi section. Spouses are almost always totally shocked that their loved one can betray them.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

Mr The Other said:


> It is a red flag and it is rude and annoying.


:iagree:

Exactly. This is what needs to be dealt with. Put a stop the rude behavior, then see about the rest....


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Why have you put up with his disrespect for so long? 

He is still in love with her. Do you really believe a physical deformity prevents him from wanting to be with her? You prevent that, not her deformity.

Why do you think the moment you are not around he reaches out to her?

Him doing that right after being out with you seems like a huge sign that either you had a good time together but it isn't good enough to prevent him wanting to talk to her as soon as you are gone or, he wasn't happy being with you in the first place.

Either way, you are number two.

If you want to know where you fit in, tell him she must be cut out of his life completely - no contact - no Facebook, calls, texts, emails, visits, etc. And then watch carefully.

You should have done that long ago.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

I would still be bothered by this to be honest, even if i was told they were just friends and its not worth worrying about, by him or his daughter. I think hes still being disrespectful to you bringing her name up here and there.

My husband was with his ex 18 years, and he was also married for 14 years to his first wife, and do you know apart from a few times in the 10 years we have been together he has only mentioned them a few times, and not NICE things either...... But otherwise why would he need to?.

The way he casually brings her up. Jen thinks this and Jen thought this etc, I think he has feelings for her although i am not sure what sort of feelings.

I just think if your not happy with the situation with her, then your husband should be respecting your feelings on the matter, and from what you say i do not think he is.

Also My husband would not be happy at all if i had my ex on FB, and nor me either, If he had his ex or the ex wife, it would make me feel a little uneasy, I would always be wondering if they were communicating, and if they're not, then what reason would he want her on there for?.

I just believe he should not be trying to contact her, fine he wants her as a friend, I mean my husband says hello if he sees his ex, but that is as far as it ever goes, he does not feel the need for anything else.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Mapper said:


> Another thing that tips me off that he has been talking to her is that he'll start sarcastically saying to me if he hears me typing a lot and then stopping when he comes in the room "Oh are you writing to your boyfriend?"


Your response:

"Yeah, I decided that if you're going to carry on this 20-year emotional affair with Jen, I may as well find someone else to stroke MY ego."


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

If they don't share children then he needs to go "no contact" with Jen. Which also means stop mentioning her name around you. This should have happened before you married him.

Nothing good will come of his friendship with his ex who is single & he still has feelings for.


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

Mapper said:


> If I bring up that I know about all the texts and calls that have been going on then that will open up a whole new can of worms. He will immediately turn it on me as being the one who doesn't trust him and how could I have been checking on him all this time without him knowing and I will end up cowering because I can't argue.
> 
> And he would NEVER leave me. *He tells me how awesome I am and he'll never find anyone like me and he has such financial difficulty that if I wasn't around to pay for most of the things he'd be out on the street.* Plus this Jen now has a physical deformity that she didn't have when they dated and he has told me about this numerous times so I don't think he would ever really go back to her.


Read this over and over until it sinks in. This is a huge reason he is with you. Money and convenience, plain and simple. Sorry OP but he seems like a user.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Wow, how did I miss that? Seriously, you are NOT paying his bills, are you?


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

NeverMore said:


> Read this over and over until it sinks in. This is a huge reason he is with you. Money and convenience, plain and simple. Sorry OP but he seems like a user.


I also missed that part. Seems like hes just got comfortable.

He cant support himself, and hes crap with finances, this would definitely have alarm bells ringing.

I also think hes a bit of a user after reading that.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

You: "I know you've been contacting Jen and it needs to stop right now, because it is hurting our marriage."

Him: "How do you know? Are you spying on me? That is so low. I can't believe you've broken my trust like that!"

You: "It doesn't matter how I know. I have my ways. As for trust, you are the one breaking it by having a thing for her. Contact her once more to tell her that you will not be contacting her again or responding to her if she contacts you. If you contact her after that I am filing for a divorce and kicking you out on the street. You have a lot to do to earn my trust back."

Before you do the above, install tracking software on his phone. Follow this up for at least two weeks.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Mapper, you're in a tough spot. My wife carried a blazing torch for an ex-bf for many many years. They had no contact and we lived across the country, but then they reconnected on FaceBook and with one message she was hooked again.

One thing I believe is that your husband is who he is, as shown by his behavior. You are in distress because you are analyzing his behavior by your own template, not by his. You see what he does and you think along the lines of "I would never do such a thing!".

I think the first thing is for you to accept in your heart that this is who he is. His ground rules for your marriage include him keeping an emotional fondness for this woman, and keeping contact with her. His ground rules include casually mentioning her name in conversations with you. He has no understanding of how it bothers you, nor can he understand why it would bother you.

He isn't going to change who he is.

You might get him to change some behavior. But he will never understand how or why these things bother you.

If you want to try to get him to break all contact with her, you should do it strategically. Implement some spy tech. Put a keylogger on the computer if he uses one at home. Put a VAR (voice activated recorder) hidden in his car to catch any phone conversations he might have with her. Consider some spyware on his phone (though I am not convinced there is good phone spyware, so be very careful with the phone).

Then confront him about going no contact. You will be able to verify his compliance via the spy tech.

You must be ready to end the marriage before you can save it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Honestly, I would say this (but then, I'm willing to walk away from a marriage if it's that bad): "Look, I know you'd rather have her so I'm giving you a pass. Go see her. See what happens. When you come back, if you come back, you will be required to sign a postnup agreement that states you get nothing from this marriage if you ever contact her again in any form before you can step foot in the house. Oh, and I'm no longer paying your bills."


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Mapper, weren't you the poster last year who said her husband didn't work much and you primarily supported him and he wanted you to buy a house for the two of you because he couldn't afford to? If not, apologies for mixing you up with someone else. If so, why are you still with him considering he's in love with Jen?


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

Openminded said:


> Mapper, weren't you the poster last year who said her husband didn't work much and you primarily supported him and he wanted you to buy a house for the two of you because he couldn't afford to? If not, apologies for mixing you up with someone else. If so, why are you still with him considering he's in love with Jen?


Yup that's me. We now have a house and he does practically all of the yardwork and builds stuff and puts stuff together (he never did that when we rented so this is surprising to me!), but yes I still pretty much pay for everything.

I am with him because I am used to him. He tells me I am the best thing that happened to him and he loves me so much. Plus neither of us is the type to go about changing our situation. Hell, we've been talking for months how we need to paint the kitchen but neither of us wants to buy the paint or take time to do it! It took him almost two years to get an annulment from a previous relationship because it "brought up so many bad memories and was hard to have to rehash again". And no, this was not Jen. This was a relationship that came from left field and never should have been.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

So do you want to change things for real or are you just venting?

If you are just venting say so and we will stop giving advice and just tell you we understand.

This is your life, not ours.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Depressing situation. Husband that thinks you are the best thing since sliced bread because you look after him and don't mind him have an EA with his old girlfriend.

Things will never change if you don't own up to the snooping. You will just have to bite the bullet and lay it all out for him the way you did here.

Yep, he'll accuse you of not trusting him, and you'll be able to tell him why you don't trust him... because he is UNTRUSTWORTHY! What you found out proves it.

As with a child, they might get angry Mum found out they did something wrong, not because what they did was wrong, but because they were found out. He will be angry for being found out, and he'll try to blame you, but at the end of the day, you are not the one running around behind his back seeing another man every chance you get.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

When something is bothering you in marriage, it is important to address it. His behavior is hurting you. Tell him that he is hurting you and that you want him to let go of what appears to be an obsession with Jen and that you want him to unfriend her on facebook, remove her number from his phone, and put her in his past. His present and his future are with you and you want him to move on with you alone.
You don't need to explain your snooping to him, but it is important to not let this go on. (I do not consider a certain degree of snooping to be inappropriate.)
He seems to be obsessed, because he envisioned his life with her, but she rejected him. She does not seem to be leading him on and he needs to let go for the sake of your peace of mind and the marriage.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Um... could you clarify Jen's physical deformity? I'm just trying to understand what would potentially turn him off to her? Because I'm not certain he's turned off by it.


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## yeah_right (Oct 23, 2013)

Mapper said:


> No I REALLY do know that he isn't physically cheating because I work from home


Help! I'm confused. On your other post, you are concerned that your H is mad because you stay out late for work meetings, have all day meetings at your boss' home and go to happy hour meetings at bars with your co-workers. You are gone enough that you don't really know what your H is doing.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...ngry-i-go-some-work-functions-after-work.html

It sounds like a terrible stay at home job. I hope the boss at least pays for your drinks.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> Um... could you clarify Jen's physical deformity? I'm just trying to understand what would potentially turn him off to her? Because I'm not certain he's turned off by it.


She was shot in the eye after they broke up and has a glass eye which looks funky. He has even said to me numerous times how she's never going to find anyone because of that.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Mapper said:


> I KNOW he's not cheating on me physically because we are barely ever apart from each other outside of work. He always asks me to go places with him. It just seems like the few times he is on his own and he's in her neighborhood he tries to get a hold of her and the past few times she hasn't been around.


How often have the two of you run into Jen when you are out and about? Seems he manages to.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

KathyBatesel said:


> How often have the two of you run into Jen when you are out and about? Seems he manages to.


I've never "run" into her. He has "run" into her twice.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

MissFroggie said:


> It's so awful when the ex's name keeps coming up  I'm sorry to hear you get that so much, especially after such a long time. I expect you tried to just ignore it in the early days of your relationship because it was more recent and you probably thought it would fade out. Once you ignore it for so long and say nothing it gets harder to mention it.


:iagree:

It started out with me trying to be mature and non-judgmental about her having a past. Once you let it go for a long time, bringing it up results in shaming and belittling, at least it did for me.

It is best to set a boundary around this behavior early in the relationship. If it bothers you, it bothers you. You have the right to be bothered, the right to speak up about it, and the right to a boundary about it.

Years later it is very tough to correct such behavior if it has been ignored.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Since she never confronted him with the evidence she has she can tell him the lastincident broke the camel's back. 

But she won't. 

Jen may have lost an eye, but she knows she has the husband's eyes, ears and heart if she wanted them. But she has too much self-esteem for that. OP has no self-esteem and worries that her loser husband wants someone else who apparently doesn't want him... even AFTER losing that eye and according to the H will never find anyone because of it.

I put my money on Jen being the only normal person here so I see why the H loves her still.

The OP is wasting our time with her foolishness.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> Since she never confronted him with the evidence she has she can tell him the lastincident broke the camel's back.
> 
> But she won't.
> 
> ...


So why did you just spend YOUR time wasting it on my foolishness?? Think of how many other things you could have accomplished in that time other than reading and responding to my silly silly posts!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

clipclop is probably trying to get you to wake up to the reality of your situation.


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## Mapper (Jun 5, 2012)

turnera said:


> clipclop is probably trying to get you to wake up to the reality of your situation.


Oh I already know I'm crazy! Not news to me!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Not crazy, you're just thinking that something is going to magically change without YOU making some changes in how YOU deal with this situation.

The bottom line is, you can't change him. You can't make him WANT to change. What you can do is change what you accept and what you do when he disrespects you. He will then have a choice - keep doing what he does and lose you more and more, or stop doing what he does to keep you happy.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Mapper said:


> Oh I already know I'm crazy! Not news to me!


See, there you go again. No one said the word "crazy" except you.


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