# Did marriage counseling help your relationship or make it worse?



## GoingCrazii

My husband and I are going to be starting marriage counseling next week and I'm kinda nervous. I have heard that it can actually do more harm to the relationship then good  Any advice or suggestions?


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## DanF

It saved my marriage.


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## GoingCrazii

Thank you for sharing your story...does this emotional roller coaster ride ever end?


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## Just Tired Of It All

Iv actually said this to my H,,, I am tired of this roller coaster ride..I want off of it already. even if that mean I have to make a huge jump off of it in mid ride.....


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## Just Tired Of It All

Wish I knew the answer to the MC thing guess I will need this one answered before we start the MC too...if we make it that far!


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## Mindful Coach

The important thing is to find a counselor that fits for you and your husband. You may have to go to several, but when you find the one that's a good match, you'll notice miracles can happen.


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## jayde

Yep - find a good one. The yahoo we had was my wife's IC, then our MC (while seeing my wife), then my daughter's IC (with the wife 'sitting' in). Bad sitchy all around. Good luck.


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## DanF

GoingCrazii said:


> Thank you for sharing your story...does this emotional roller coaster ride ever end?


Yes, it does. My wife and I are happier now than ever.
Keep in mind though, it is never perfect. No marriage is. Occasionally, I can allow myself to think about the past and get angry, sad, depressed, etc, etc. I have to make myself snap out of it and think of happier things.

If you both work and are willing to change some things, you can work it out and heal.


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## nice777guy

I can't imagine it could actually "hurt" anything. Counseling - in general - has helped me personally - but did not help our marriage.

Good luck...


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## jayde

In my limited personal experience - IC and MC are to totally different animals. IC I have found to be very helpful. MC not


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## Wildflower3

I have found IC and MC very helpful. We were seeing an MC that is also my IC (started IC after MC), but we are switching to a different MC because we want to try a different type of therapy that will be short term, then return to our current MC. I have heard that you may have to try different MCs before finding the "right" one. We were lucky right off the bat. The new MC we are going to start seeing talked to us on the phone before hand to get a feel of what we wanted and what our goals are. I'm excited about it.

Oh, and to answer your question, yes, it has helped tremendously. Though I can't say where we will be in terms of our marriage (we are separated going on 3 months now), but we are in a better place than where we were when he first moved out.


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## Hope1964

helped IMMENSELY. Still is.


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## OhGeesh

Not a fan of any type of counseling, but totally get how it helps others!!


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## cgh

i have found MC does help to a point. they are only there to help steer you in the right direction. if both people are not on the same page its going to be a hard road. i'm on the hard road at the moment. the MC helps.


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## Rejected

MC neither helped nor hurt my marriage. It hurt my wallet though.


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## cgh

it sure does hurt the wallet, which can itself cause a problem or two. as i know my wife ould look for us to do a weekend away by ourselves without the kids, but we just dont have the money, as both MC and IC is expensive to say the least,


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## accept

What the MC has to do first is to make a working relationship between the H and W. In other words to be a judge which you both have to abide by. However wrong the MC may be.
Once the relationship is more sound and peaceful only then can you go further.
Very few MCs work on this principle and therefore cause more divorce than reconciliation.


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## Conrad

DanF said:


> If you both work and are willing to change some things, you can work it out and heal.


But first.... both of you have to be able to admit what's wrong - and own your part in making it wrong.


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## UCanTalk

If you are both committed and find a good one it can. That said im realsing marriage is always going to have its ups and downs.

I'm also in IC and so impressed with the process am training to Be one now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lionelhutz

I'm very skeptical of MC because I have found IC (for depression) fairly useless. I do think the "talking cure" is useful for some people and not others and about the same as having a concerned friend who will listen to your problems.


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## whatevahz

That's great. Marriage counseling is like the biggest step to reconciliation a couple can take, even when the lasting impression of whatever problem caused it remains for like the rest of the relationship. Seriously, the friends, the in laws, all the fun filled stuff that causes so many issues, the tv the computer, the video games, never go away, the simple fact is, dealing with it is what helps, finding an emotional outlet for all the stuff that clashes in a relationship is the solution. Marriage counseling resulted in this for me, it was about agreeing with my spouse about what a crock of stuff the whole thing was and coming to a realization that marriage has to be something more than counseling and being counseled through it. Frankly marriage involves sex and no third party opinion is going to change the whole of it. So with that and knowing all the issues aren't going to go away, and the idea of an emotional outlet takes the place of a hobby, to de stress, one has to find what it is one is emotionally releasing and why, and why one is warming up to other things like money clothes furnishings tools problems, whatever, and go back to the legal binding rules and realize it is either about the person the problems or the stuff and either use marriage itself as a hobby, job, or annoyance and face acceptance or enjoyment. The only thing equal in the marriage are the legalities. Everything else can be divided into halves and percentages beyond.


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## whatevahz

The technology age I suppose now a days kind of is, has taken the place of a confident conversation with a friend, it is sometimes easier for people to have a typed out convo than it is to sit down and verbalize face to face. With all that is known now a days about a movement of eyes or a deepness of breath some might not be able to feel like they can communicated off screen because of stuff like this. Using a forum is simple, and replies can be brushed off. A conversation requires attention onto a person not onto a sole topic, and usually the convo becomes about appearances silently in terms of other things and the topic discussion is lost, problem not resolved. Yet, yeah person to person interaction is healthy and it costs for a professional opinion the only kind that may be of any value now a days for some. 








Lionelhutz said:


> I'm very skeptical of MC because I have found IC (for depression) fairly useless. I do think the "talking cure" is useful for some people and not others and about the same as having a concerned friend who will listen to your problems.


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## whatevahz

Right and wrong, the laws define it simply the rest is preference. In marriage the sole responsibility of personally morally right and wrong are not a cause and effect result. If you put two adults together that have a pretty much equally high iq and expect either one to make sense out of one another when you have financial obligations, children, pets, careers, hobbies and clashing preferences on entertainment and a need for some quality time like you had it several years ago knowing that isn't going to happen, loss is either anguish or a reason to make something new out of the moment, time is free and there is plenty of it it is the cost of the other stuff factored into that time that accrues. So the right and wrong got lost in there and so did the time spent together. Realization spent together in a moment of the moment is often all busy couples have and they hold on to it. xqze for interrupting. A pardon for simple ignorance and also for an interruption is also simple, maybe some people should try it. (not at the op, I just have to quote SOMEONE to post on here, atm)






Conrad said:


> But first.... both of you have to be able to admit what's wrong - and own your part in making it wrong.


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## cgh

well one things for sure if you see a IC or a MC, they will drag it out for as long as possible. I am sure there are some very good ones out there that won't drag itout. but with some they see a couple as a income. they dont want to sort your problems out to fast. They need to keep you coming back for more....


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## stoomey74

Did not really help or harm the relationship. It defiantly made it more frustrating.

It did not work for me.


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## This is me

We are on 4 months with our MC and she just announced she is moving home after seperating. At a minimum, our visits to MC helped keep us together during seperation. Time will tell if this will help us make it.

I look forward to seeing ours who is someone we both agreed upon. I think it is important to both agree to only one that you both agree to working with and that you can change them if not working.

The marriage is more important than the MC.


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## c2500

Well, four visits in and we are having an in house seperation. This after we reconciled (legally) October 22 after I caught her having an affair. I am crushed to say the least.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

counseling? huh!

all they did was validate my exw affair and tell her it wasnt her fault,
om took advantage of a weak woman. :/


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## UCanTalk

whatevahz said:


> The technology age I suppose now a days kind of is, has taken the place of a confident conversation with a friend, it is sometimes easier for people to have a typed out convo than it is to sit down and verbalize face to face. With all that is known now a days about a movement of eyes or a deepness of breath some might not be able to feel like they can communicated off screen because of stuff like this. Using a forum is simple, and replies can be brushed off. A conversation requires attention onto a person not onto a sole topic, and usually the convo becomes about appearances silently in terms of other things and the topic discussion is lost, problem not resolved. Yet, yeah person to person interaction is healthy and it costs for a professional opinion the only kind that may be of any value now a days for some.


Totally agree. Don't forget the role of therapist in reparenting the client. Many of us had poor role models in our parents but we can be reprinted, just like a computer hard drive. This is slow works and takes time
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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