# Men, if you do *not* care how much money



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?

How does she feel about your feelings about this?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

My wife is retired young due to health issues. She has a small pension. I make enough to support us and to save for my retirement. 

It has always been OUR money, never mine and yours.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I have been the sole breadwinner for most of my current marriage. I have no problem with this; in fact, I consider it my privilege to support my wife. I'm pretty sure she is fine with it as well.

I guess that makes me (us) old-fashioned.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I do care - I expect an adult to be able to fully support themselves from their work, even if they don't have assets to show for it. I would expect that to continue in marriage, unless there is a mutual agreement for some other arrangement, or if there is illness or disability. Money matters, but other things matter more; if she has a lot of money, but lacks in compatibility, the money won't compensate for those shortcomings.

We feel the same about this. And when she has been ill/disabled, she has fought to get well and back to work. She doesn't like being dependent even if I think the circumstances justify it - or as she puts it, she doesn't want to be a poodle.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I care, alot. As I have said before, I knew that before we were married, we would not be able to make ends meet on one income and that if we got married she would be expected to work. She agreed. After the first kid came along she made the proclamation I'm not going back to work I want to be a SAHM. I explained to her that we would not be able to meet monthly obligations and she said that was my problem. Should have divorced her right then.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I raised my girls to never count on any man, I wanted them to get degrees that if they never marry in life, they would be just fine...but i also told them it was not their job to support a man either....either it is true partnership or someone will always have leverage over the other.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I didn't care at all when I was married. I figured we each contributed in different ways to the relationship and I took care of earning the money. I cared that she wouldn't stick to a budget, but that was a separate issue.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I dont care much about money for my own sake, but I do care about it for the sake of my kids. As long as we can meet basic requirements to take care of the kids and give them a happy childhood, I'm good. We're looking at options for my wife to start a small side business and stay home with the kids. Things will be leaner, but it'll be offset somewhat by daycare savings (which could cover a small apartment rental fee)

It makes me a little nervous putting all our eggs in one basket, as my industry is notorious for layoffs, but we'll make it work somehow.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

If there were no kids or they were grown up, I'd expect her to work a full-time job that is appropriate to her abilities.

If she made less it wouldn't matter.

If she made more, it would be okay as long as it wasn't "too much" more. This isn't because I'd feel threatened, It's just that, since most of the money was hers, I'd feel as if I should have little say in how it was spent.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

If it is needed, all I care about is that my W is making an effort to contribute to our house/family. If I really cared about money so much, my W would still be working full time. Also depends on the situation. Currently, given my income and the importance my W and I place on raising our young family, it is a fair tradeoff my W not working. If we had no kids or get to the point where the kids are out of the house (or require less parental time), then I would expect my W to work. All of this is based on no dramatic downturn in my income.

Would I ever support a woman so she could sit around all day and shop, nope.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

From a purely pragmatic perspective, over 40% of marriages fail. If my first wife hadn't been working in a good career (or had made a lot less), my child support would have been much higher, and I would have certainly been stuck with lifelong alimony. Fortunately, I wasn't burdened with that scenario, and have been able to make a good life for myself since I didn't also have to support her while she did nothing.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I do not want or need my partner to work,I want her to raise our child.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

jld said:


> your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?
> 
> How does she feel about your feelings about this?


As long as her aspirations and spending are adjusted accordingly I'm OK.

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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

jld said:


> your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?
> 
> How does she feel about your feelings about this?


I would be fine if she didn't want to work at all but I would expect 3 nonnegotiable things:

1) Spotless house

2) Cooked meals

3) 24/7 access to sex


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I do not want or need my partner to work,I want her to raise our child.


Andy, you mentioned you did your apprenticeship in Germany. Are you from Germany?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My marriage is a lot like my parents and also her parents. She makes some, I make about 20 times what she does. I value her financial contribution. It's always useful. But she brings in more value than just financial so it's never been an issue for me. We both worked at the beginning. I went to college while she worked full time. Back then I made about half of what she did. But we considered that an investment. She got laid off a month before I graduated. A government rif. Two months later she was pregnant with our first. This was 4 years into our marriage.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Money makes some parts of life better, so it matters *some* how much money my wife makes, and more is better. That said, it is by no means the most important thing. 

I do value people who provide benefit to society. That benefit can come in many forms, doing a good useful job is one of those. I also think that it is beneficial for everyone to be able to be self sufficient if needed. I like the idea that if I"m hit by a bus, my wife will be fine.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Andy, you mentioned you did your apprenticeship in Germany. Are you from Germany?


I may have been unclear but I was serving an apprenticeship in New York when I was Sixteen and the idea was that I would qualify at twenty and then go to college while still able to earn money at night and at weekends.Due to being able to read and understand digital electronic circuitry very easily I was head hunted by a German manufacturer and offered a fast tracked place on their in house design training course in Munich when I was eighteen.This was perfect for me because I don't sleep very much,maybe Ninety minutes or two hours a night most nights so I could study longer than anyone else and found it very easy actually.If I knew German I would have completed it a lot quicker.
Ps.When I was twenty I was being paid two hundred and fifty thousand euro a year.Notice I didn't say earning.lol.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

I do not care how much she brings in, but we've never lived paycheck to paycheck, so it really doesn't matter. Excluding when she went back to get advanced degrees, she's always worked, so it was never "it's your money" that we were living off of, for the most part.

At this point in our lives, we could live on her income alone as well. That wasn't always the case, but I don't know that it ever bothered her that I didn't care how much she made, or if she made anything at all. She was never going to be a SAHM - it's just not in her DNA.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

My Wife with a much shorter work experience time is now making more than I am. It seems to be going ok. I'm a bit more worried about what will happen when I weigh less than her.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

I cared that she had a career of some sort. Did not care how much she made. When we got engaged she was finishing up her 2nd degree for a career change, she was unemployed when we got married. 

I expected her to work because at the time I could support myself but not too much beyond that, she needed to pay for her car for instance. Later she needed to at least partially contribute to the daycare bill. Beyond that why would I care? Not interested in someone else supporting me. 

Now, eventually we both did much better and she started contributing more financially but that took a number of years.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Mr. Nail said:


> My Wife with a much shorter work experience time is now making more than I am. It seems to be going ok. *I'm a bit more worried about what will happen when I weigh less than her*.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Assuming I can provide the lifestyle she's comfortable with I prefer she's doing what she wants. If she wants to work or stay home I'm fine either way. 

Why do I feel this way? I don't know I just do. I think I'm wired to work and try to take care of someone and make them as comfortable as possible. I don't know any other way. 

I don't know how my former wife felt about it. I think she was content. Well, she was content up to the point the marriage ended. 🤔


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> I do not want or need my partner to work,I want her to raise our child.




What does she want?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I was the first person my husband ever had a long term relationship that brought anything significantly financial to the table (i.e. Steady income, a home, paid off cars, investments etc.) He also has always been financially saavy, but was waiting for the right person to share it all with. We also don't do the yours/mine thing. I sold my house, we dumped everything into joint accounts and have not looked back. So no, I think he wouldn't have cared if I didn't have anything, but we are both happy that we will get to retire relatively young with our combined contributions to our futures.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Mrs. EB quit with the birth of our children, was a wonderful SAHM, when the youngest was in HS went back into doing what she wanted in medical field again part time.

Even with the difficulty we had, money was never argued about once. Tenacity with other challenges aside, there was trust, I always joked she could squeeze a Pound from a Tuppence, she honored the efforts given and I honored her system doing it.

Every penny has been and will always be "ours".


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I dont care too much about the money. What I do care about is the amount of crazy she exhibits when she doesn't work. 

Plus I really enjoy working with her


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Buddy400 said:


> If there were no kids or they were grown up, I'd expect her to work a full-time job that is appropriate to her abilities.
> 
> If she made less it wouldn't matter.
> 
> *If she made more, it would be okay as long as it wasn't "too much" more.* This isn't because I'd feel threatened, It's just that, since most of the money was hers, I'd feel as if I should have little say in how it was spent.


It would seem that would be easy to resolve if she earned a lot more.

Say you earned $60K and she earned $120K.

You could both put $60K each in a joint account. And then she could keep her extra $60K since you have an issue with her having more money, you could just ignore her extra income.

The best solution would be for all money to go into one pot and the two of you agree with how to handle it. After paying the bills and some agreed upon amount of savings, you could both get some extra spending money.

Have you ever discussed this with your wife to see how she would feel about just putting all her extra earned income into a joint account should this ever happen?

When you earn more than she does, do you put all of your income into a joint account that she has access to?


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> I would be fine if she didn't want to work at all but I would expect 3 nonnegotiable things:
> 
> 1) Spotless house
> 
> ...


.......good luck with that.......


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

BetrayedDad said:


> I would be fine if she didn't want to work at all but I would expect 3 nonnegotiable things:
> 
> 1) Spotless house
> 
> ...




If you have #3, there would be no time for #1 or #2. But then again, who would care.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

The only time I would care would be if my wife behaved like the women who I saw when I worked at a golf country club when I was in collage (she never would). They sat at one table and their kids sat with all their nannys at another table, then the wives went and played Golf or Tennis all day why their kids were watched at the pool by the nanny. This behavior offended me but truthfully I think the nanny probably did a better job raising these kids anyway, at least they weren't just an accessory to them.

If you don't care about your kids don't have them, I would say the same about a man as well. I think this money kind of stuff should be discussed as a couple. My wife is so unhappy about her job right now that I have told he if she wanted to quit I would support us as long as it takes until she could find a career that she was happy with. It would be a sacrifice to our lifestyle but her happiness is more important. I do think if their is no kids and a person is healthy it really isn't good for a person to stay home all day and just play. That is not a moral thing to do, even if you can afford not to have to work then at least volunteer or do something for society with some of your free time.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Betrayedone said:


> .......good luck with that.......


Guess that's why I've never had a gf or wife who didn't contribute at least something financially.

I'd be happy to play sugar daddy to the right woman but I expect a substantial amount of sugar in return. 



blueinbr said:


> If you have #3, there would be no time for #1 or #2. But then again, who would care.


Well, I still got to go to work 40 hours a week. Plenty of time while I'm gone to take care of #1 and #2.


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## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

My exh cared about money but in a different way. I made almost triple what he did and one of his comments when he walked was he didn't feel needed financially. He should have gotten off his a$$ and done something about it then. I wasn't going to do less so he could feel more valued. It was my income that kept us afloat.

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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> What does she want?


It is hard to know.She is kind of all over the place at the moment but apparently she was exactly the same when she was pregnant with her son.She is moving in on Saturday and I hope that helps her relax a bit more.This is my first experience of dealing with a pregnant woman and it is an eye opener.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> It would seem that would be easy to resolve if she earned a lot more.
> 
> Say you earned $60K and she earned $120K.
> 
> ...


When my W was working, our solution was simply to figure out what each person's pro rata share was, and that was each person's responsibility when it came time to pay all the household items (bills, housework, vacations, etc...). We each kept individually whatever was left to do with as we pleased. Obviously if you get a huge disparity in incomes this doesn't work as well (at least for the person on the low end), but I believe this is a large reason why my W and I have never fought over money. When she was making more, she contributed more, when I moved ahead of her then I was contributing more (until it got to the point where I started covering all bills/household items due to our income gap).


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I never cared when I was married but now moving forward if I was to ever get married again it's on the top of the list of considerations


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

EllisRedding said:


> When my W was working, our solution was simply to figure out what each person's pro rata share was, and that was each person's responsibility when it came time to pay all the household items (bills, housework, vacations, etc...). We each kept individually whatever was left to do with as we pleased. Obviously if you get a huge disparity in incomes this doesn't work as well (at least for the person on the low end), but I believe this is a large reason why my W and I have never fought over money. When she was making more, she contributed more, when I moved ahead of her then I was contributing more (until it got to the point where I started covering all bills/household items due to our income gap).


In my first marriage, my wife was a tenured professor and I was a programmer who changed jobs on occasion.

When I was making more than she was, then I paid most of the expenses; when she was making more, she insisted on splitting everything down the middle.

That's not why I divorced her (as you will know if you read my story), but it certainly didn't make me feel more affectionate toward her.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

Some would consider me careless because I was the one to push for a joint account, even before we were married.

I think the opposite, showing her that it was our money, regardless of how much she contributed financially. It helped build the trust quickly and allowed us to move forward fast.

Money is important, but it is not that important. Our freedom has always been very important and it included being free from debt. I did not want my family to become a slave to it.

So, we have a small house while many of my colleagues with similar income have much bigger ones. We have used cars.

But we invest in our kids' education which included a stay at home mom.

My wife's contribution to the marriage is far superior that way than if she had an income.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

My ex and I made roughly the same amount. It was never a problem with us. We split the bills, she had her money and I had my money, and we didn't muddle in each other's affairs. 

What I wanted was fidelity, and she couldn't do that. 

I don't care how much my woman makes, or whether or not she makes more or less than I do. What I have is hers and hers mine. It's when women get proud and boastful and selfish about what they make, and then somehow think they are better than their husbands just because they get paid more. That's when I get offended.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

It doesn't matter to me at all if she works or not. Even if we had no kids. Its entirely up to her. I'm very traditional and I believe its my job to take care of my woman.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> It doesn't matter to me at all if she works or not. Even if we had no kids. Its entirely up to her. I'm very traditional and* I believe its my job to take care of my woman*.


That could be the subject of an interesting thread. I wonder how many men would agree with you, RH.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

jld said:


> That could be the subject of an interesting thread. I wonder how many men would agree with you, RH.


In a sense, I agree with that. No so much because of chivalrous ideals, but rather I have a lifestyle in mind, and I make sure I can maintain it without contribution from anyone else. That includes parents, friends, spouse. I am not really bothered if my wife contributes to that or not, because it is not a necessity, as I am able to provide it on my own. Now, if she had lifestyle wants and needs beyond mine, that is where she would need to contribute.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> It would seem that would be easy to resolve if she earned a lot more.
> 
> Say you earned $60K and she earned $120K.
> 
> ...


We've had a joint account since before we were married.

The "her making most of the money so I wouldn't feel like I had a say in how it was spent" is just an irrational problem on my part. I'd be stupid to turn down the money (or ask her to give it up). 

For 15 years her income was under 10% of the family income. This didn't bother either of us.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jld said:


> your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?
> 
> How does she feel about your feelings about this?


I am not married, but would like to be again. So I've given this quite a bit of thought recently.

I would not require her to make a lot of money. The reasons are purely practical: My new job allows me to comfortably maintain a nice home, fund retirement, and educate my child. I don't have to worry about getting a bigger place if I get with someone with a child, for instance.

But, I would require her to have at least a modest income. This is primarily because I have no interest in some who lacks the ambition to do _something_ well on a full-time basis. The minimum wage in CA is $10.50 an hour. If she can't clear a few hundred dollars a week then something is wrong.

Secondly, it does cost money to live. I would expect a partner to at least cover the little bit of added expense (particularly if she has a child too) for household stuff and family outings, and save for her own retirement. As a matter of principle I think everyone needs to have a little skin in the game.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The 60/120 example has catastrophic implications if the household expenses plus 401k type contribution levels are anywhere near 110-120k....

The 60 spouse ends up with zero disposable income while the120....



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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ReformedHubby said:


> It doesn't matter to me at all if she works or not. Even if we had no kids. Its entirely up to her. I'm very traditional and I believe its my job to take care of my woman.


I agree fully with you.I like the thought of my partner being around so we can do what we want,when we want.If she is working and commuting then that eats up a lot of our time and unless she is earning a lot then her salary won't make any difference to our lifestyle.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

jld said:


> your wife brings to your marriage, or if she brings any at all, why is that?
> 
> How does she feel about your feelings about this?


Her amount of savings was not something I ever cared about, but I did expect any future wife to maintain a job. It did not have to be high paying because I knew that I could support both of us if needed. My future wife back then was concerned about my middle class salary, but did not tell me directly. The reason for her concern was that she and her friends are all very wealthy. I did not know my wife had a lot of money until after I married her. 

If we both had middle class salaries and savings amounts, life would be simpler in some ways. We keep our money separate and I likely will never know just how much she has. Because our finances are separate, we can't easily file taxes jointly. She transfers funds to my account once a month to help pay mortgage and other monthly expenses. 

Fortunately, she likes to be thrifty and isn't the type of person to expect (or even want) lavish gifts. I have a respectable career and have always been considered financially comfortable. I never imagined that I would date someone who had to accept that in her perspective, I was poor. After marriage, aside from the points I mentioned above, there haven't been big problems. It's just something we don't talk about. She never complains that I am not more wealthy and has seen that life can still be pretty fun and easy without having millions. Her friends possibly still look down upon me, but they live very far away so I never have to see them. 

Sorry about the information overload to your questions.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband is one of those men who prefers, if he had his choice, that I never had to work... I will ask him to post on this thread (beings it's @jld 's & Dug contributed) when he gets a moment to put this in his own words, feelings.... 

He's just one of those older fashioned men... he's never been one to downplay, even in the smallest way my contribution when I was just a SAHM... I quit my full time job a year into our marriage weeks before we had our 1st son, he was just a Dairy Manager at a small Grocery store.. we managed fine....he's never hinted, asked or expected me to work.. 

Though he has complained that I was never home when I decided to take on some jobs a few yrs later... When he'd pull in the drive, I was off with a kiss, we didn't want to pay for babysitters, or that would defeat the whole purpose..... these were the infertility years, it helped some to get my mind off of that, also saving for a whopping down payment when we found that perfect country home...a dream we both shared...it all worked out very nicely.. paying our house off in 7 yrs...we were debt free by our last son...

Today I choose to work some but I only take jobs where it doesn't interfere with our time together... We've had to live frugally with as many children as we've had...always buy used cars (he's a good mechanic), I love coupons!, I always seek/ compare the best deals to be had- no matter what we buy or project we take on, every little bit adds up & helps... 

I just REALLY appreciate my husband for the way he is, how he feels on this.. there is no pressure... but "freedom" for me... this doesn't make me lazy, eating bon bons at home ... but deeply appreciative where something in me just wants to give him the world.. give back in ways he wants... to make his life easier, carefree, enjoyable.... 

I worked 6 months this year at a new job... ran into a lady who now lives in the little house we started out in .... we went to visit her, seeing our old house...so many wonderful memories there / wedding pics in the yard, etc.... 

There was a moment he said to her (as we were talking about me putting in my notice) how he really just loves me being home...that I don't have to work...seen her the next morning... she commented to me on that.. how she's never heard a man say this, how she thought that was so sweet, it's more "go get a job"....then added what a keeper he was... that's my husband..


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> I would be fine if she didn't want to work at all but I would expect 3 nonnegotiable things:
> 
> 1) Spotless house
> 
> ...


*Hey, Betrayed! Ain't that referred to as "Fantasyland?"*


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Steve1000 said:


> Her amount of savings was not something I ever cared about, but I did expect any future wife to maintain a job. It did not have to be high paying because I knew that I could support both of us if needed. My future wife back then was concerned about my middle class salary, but did not tell me directly. The reason for her concern was that she and her friends are all very wealthy. I did not know my wife had a lot of money until after I married her.
> 
> If we both had middle class salaries and savings amounts, life would be simpler in some ways. *We keep our money separate and I likely will never know just how much she has. * Because our finances are separate, we can't easily file taxes jointly. She transfers funds to my account once a month to help pay mortgage and other monthly expenses.
> 
> ...


That sounds very strange to me. Why does she want to keep her finances secret?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> That sounds very strange to me. Why does she want to keep her finances secret?


I am cognizant that before she met me, a previous boyfriend cheated her out of 100 grand. He asked to borrow it for some business reason and then disappeared. She later prosecuted him and he served a few years in prison. She had told me a bit about this, but I later discovered some attorney documents that provided the details. She could not recoup that financial loss. 

I've never directly asked her for more information about her finances. I do know the source of her income - twenty five years of good and fortunate investing.


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## SA's husband (Apr 9, 2012)

Duguesclin said:


> My wife's contribution to the marriage is far superior that way than if she had an income.


SA is very frugal. There is no need to work. She takes care of so much at home financially paying bills, taking care of kids, doctor visits, planning vacations, etc. It frees my time to work, keep up house repairs, cars and anything else. 

As long as we can live a reasonably decent life, I would rather spend time with her. When she did work there was little time, as I would work in the morning and she would leave when I came home, the money really was not worth the time lost with her. 

I know if we were strapped for cash, she'd be working full time plus. I don't want to give up precious time with her. Life is to short to worry about money.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

SA's husband said:


> SA is very frugal. There is no need to work.


My wife is, too. She is also very disciplined and direct. That makes for an easy life for me.

I agree with everything you said. A mother at home is invaluable, for both the kids and the husband.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

SA's husband said:


> SA is very frugal. There is no need to work. She takes care of so much at home financially paying bills, taking care of kids, doctor visits, planning vacations, etc. It frees my time to work, keep up house repairs, cars and anything else.
> 
> As long as we can live a reasonably decent life, I would rather spend time with her. When she did work there was little time, as I would work in the morning and she would leave when I came home, the money really was not worth the time lost with her.
> 
> I know if we were strapped for cash, she'd be working full time plus. I don't want to give up precious time with her. Life is to short to worry about money.


I would love to show this post to my gf.You are a lucky man and your wife is a lucky woman and the best thing is you both know it.Happy Christmas.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I would love to show this post to my gf.You are a lucky man and your wife is a lucky woman and the best thing is you both know it.Happy Christmas.


Andy just remember some wives/gfs get some fulfillment from working. It's great that SA and her Husband are on the same page about this, and this is no way a criticism of them, I am a big admirer of them. However just because it works for them doesn't mean it will work for everyone. As you posted on here before sounds like you gf want's to work. Part of your role as a provider for her is you need to provide for her emotionally. A lot of guys miss this and because of that they have big problems in the marriage. That means if she needs to work to find some fulfillment in her life then it's your role to help her with that. Yes you have a right to stand up if the marriage is suffering for it, for example say you never see her or whatever, but your spouse needs to have dreams and aspirations. You job is NOT to talk her out of those because it's not what YOU want. If you make it a goal that you do together then her successes will be yours. They will bring you closer together, this is a much better way to go.

I am just saying if your gf wanting to work and that is a deal breaker to you then you should find a woman who want's to stay home, not try to change the one you are with. That never works and will only lead to resentment.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

sokillme said:


> Andy just remember some wives/gfs get some fulfillment from working. It's great that SA and her Husband are on the same page about this, and this is no way a criticism of them, I am a big admirer of them. However just because it works for them doesn't mean it will work for everyone. As you posted on here before sounds like you gf want's to work. Part of your role as a provider for her is you need to provide for her emotionally. A lot of guys miss this and because of that they have big problems in the marriage. That means if she needs to work to find some fulfillment in her life then it's your role to help her with that. Yes you have a right to stand up if the marriage is suffering for it, for example say you never see her or whatever, but your spouse needs to have dreams and aspirations. You job is NOT to talk her out of those because it's not what YOU want. If you make it a goal that you do together then her successes will be yours. They will bring you closer together, this is a much better way to go.
> 
> I am just saying if your gf wanting to work and that is a deal breaker to you then you should find a woman who want's to stay home, not try to change the one you are with. That never works and will only lead to resentment.


It's not a deal breaker.I have to learn to compromise and this is not going to be easy.We haven't been talking much about this I'm just venting really.If she goes to work then I have to live with it.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

sokillme said:


> However just because it works for them doesn't mean it will work for everyone.


 Yes, absolutely.... I've heard many women say this over the years, how they could never stay home.... even yesterday.. we had a lady at our house, she came to do a service for us...our kids & working came up in the conversation, she has 2... she was saying how she would go stir crazy at home.... 

I've never felt this way personally.. I have always been able to find something to do, or throw myself into something....Yrs ago, I really wanted a new look in the kitchen, I don't care for dark wood... but too cheap to pay big money.. so I had him take all the doors off the hinges... I sanded them all down & gave a new varnish job, adding some white to the corners (Love the country look)...then stripped 2 darker wood hutches to make them lighter wood, adding some white to the corners to make them all match...can't say that was a lot of fun... but I was happy with the new look... and the price was right ...

One thing needed though -is getting out some so you still feel a connection with other people, nurturing that...I have very little family, I don't see any of them hardly... so friends are very important to me.... going to church yrs back helped with that too... 

I still work some, it's only like 6% of our income.. Since it's completely around his schedule & the kids ....it's like I am always here anyway, for the most part.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

jld said:


> That could be the subject of an interesting thread. I wonder how many men would agree with you, RH.


Probably very very few JLD. Glad i have one of them! He's probably like that because he knows he's high maintenance tho.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

thefam said:


> Probably very very few JLD. Glad i have one of them! He's probably like that because he knows he's high maintenance tho.


I agree, tfam. Though I am married to a low maintenance man, and like it that way!


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

jld said:


> I agree, tfam. Though I am married to a low maintenance man, and like it that way!


Low maintenance would definitely be easier. But then there are days like today when he woke up and said "I got you" so all I have to do today is breastfeed. Merry Christmas to me! LOL
/end threadjack


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

thefam said:


> Low maintenance would definitely be easier. But then there are days like today when he woke up and said "I got you" so all I have to do today is breastfeed. Merry Christmas to me! LOL
> /end threadjack


I would not want to be with a high maintenance guy, as then my energy would have to go into supporting him, instead of having it go to the kids and myself.

I remember an older mom telling me, when I was younger, that breastfeeding was at least a part-time job! 

Are you nursing both younger kids, tfam? I did that with my first two. My second weaned the day he saw his little brother. 

Okay, sorry to extend the t/j. Back to the subject of the thread . . .


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I like the thought of my partner being around so we can do what we want,when we want.


Yes, freedom is a big advantage of being a sahm. That is what I like about homeschooling, too. We are not tied to a school calendar. We are in charge of our own lives.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Yes, freedom is a big advantage of being a sahm. That is what I like about homeschooling, too. We are not tied to a school calendar. We are in charge of our own lives.


This is the point I am trying to make to my gf but to no avail so far.I am normally working from three am until maybe five or five thirty am and then my time is my own.At the moment she is living with me along with her son,he is on vacation from school right now.We normally have breakfast with the boy,leave him to school and then we walk in the woods,sometimes with my neighbors guide dog.We go to art exhibitions,museums etc and I bring her to all her appointments.I draw the line at shopping though lol.
This idea of home schooling is starting to interest me but I would have to hire someone,I'm not sure how J would feel about this.She went to a normal school with lots of other kids,mine was more selective.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> This is the point I am trying to make to my gf but to no avail so far.I am normally working from three am until maybe five or five thirty am and then my time is my own.At the moment she is living with me along with her son,he is on vacation from school right now.We normally have breakfast with the boy,leave him to school and then we walk in the woods,sometimes with my neighbors guide dog.We go to art exhibitions,museums etc and I bring her to all her appointments.I draw the line at shopping though lol.
> This idea of home schooling is starting to interest me but I would have to hire someone,I'm not sure how J would feel about this.She went to a normal school with lots of other kids,mine was more selective.


What exactly are her objections to staying home? 

I totally agree with you, btw. To me, it is just a matter of your earning her trust, and her accepting your vision for family life. And that vision could be very enriching for your family.

ETA: Andy, please reconsider the idea of hiring someone to homeschool your child. A big part of homeschooling is the bonding that takes place between parent and child. Otherwise it is just hiring a private tutor.

Really, you could do it yourself, if she does not want to. You certainly have the time.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> What exactly are her objections to staying home?
> 
> I totally agree with you, btw. To me, it is just a matter of your earning her trust, and her accepting your vision for family life. And that vision could be very enriching for your family.
> 
> ...


Well I haven't been broaching the subject lately but she has made it clear that she wants to go back to work and also that she doesn't want to work for me.She may change her mind when the baby comes.I think it's just that she wants to earn her own money because to be honest it doesn't matter what she earns it won't make any difference to our lifestyle.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> What exactly are her objections to staying home?
> 
> I totally agree with you, btw. To me, it is just a matter of your earning her trust, and her accepting your vision for family life. And that vision could be very enriching for your family.
> 
> ...


I would not have the patience to teach anybody anything.The pastor in a nearby church asked me to help teach some basic IT skills to some people who call into his day centre but it didn't work out.Also I have always had a problem with learning new languages,I worked for short periods of time in so many countries that I just never bothered.I never had to study very hard as a child to pass exams and this shows when I try to teach somebody anything.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I would not have the patience to teach anybody anything.The pastor in a nearby church asked me to help teach some basic IT skills to some people who call into his day centre but it didn't work out.Also I have always had a problem with learning new languages,I worked for short periods of time in so many countries that I just never bothered.I never had to study very hard as a child to pass exams and this shows when I try to teach somebody something.


Not all people homeschool in a way that involves actual teaching. It is just the time together that is bonding.

I do not actually "teach" much. My kids mostly use self-teaching materials. That actually works better because it puts them in charge of their own education. Empowering for them, and freeing for me.

You could always live for a period of time with them in another country. Kids have a way of picking up languages quickly when they are with other kids who speak the language, and when they are watching cartoons, for example, in another language. Immersion works great for kids.

You are obviously very intelligent. Your child's genes are going to be half yours. That will make it easier, all the way around.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> Well I haven't been broaching the subject lately but she has made it clear that *she wants to go back to work and also that she doesn't want to work for me*.She may change her mind when the baby comes.I think it's just that she wants to earn her own money because to be honest it doesn't matter what she earns it won't make any difference to our lifestyle.


Has she said why she does not want to work for you? Does she feel it would be giving up too much of her power?

That might be the reason she does not want to be a sahm, either. A woman cedes a lot of power to a man when she accepts to be a sahm. She has to trust he will not abuse her in any way, that he truly loves her and will treat her the way he would treat himself.

Andy, very honestly, have you given her any reason to believe you would not treat her the way you would treat yourself?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Not all people homeschool in a way that involves actual teaching. It is just the time together that is bonding.
> 
> I do not actually "teach" much. My kids mostly use self-teaching materials. That actually works better because it puts them in charge of their own education. Empowering for them, and freeing for me.
> 
> ...


I have a high IQ all right.Dealing with relationships is another thing though.If it was as easy as designing something I would have no problem.This falling in love is hard work and reading the stories on this forum It seems marriage is hard work too.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I have a high IQ all right.Dealing with relationships is another thing though.If it was as easy as designing something I would have no problem.This falling in love is hard work and reading the stories on this forum It seems marriage is hard work too.


Marriage is not hard work for everyone. The secret is compatibility. And that is something that, imo, is more found than created.

It is critical to be transparent with your spouse. And to accept them as they are. You can try to persuade, to influence, but you must be able to hear No when they say it (if you want to stay together). Even when it just about kills you to hear it.

What drew you to this girl? Just her beauty? Or was there more to it than that?


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

Personally, my opinion is more in line with the post from @john117 earlier on this. Doesn't matter, as long as her spending is in line with her aspirations. I think families actually function better with a SAHM. Having a parent around is good for kids. And having a spouse at home to help take care of the basics frees the other spouse to work harder and not have to focus on those issues.

I apply the "barbell" strategy to a lot of things in life. Mixing of Hyper-conservative and Hyper-aggressive strategies tends to make one less vulnerable to unpredictable "bad" events, and gives you the option to turn them into an opportunity. A SAHW (especially one with some skill / degree, who could work if she chose) would provide options to the entire family unit, and options are power. She doesn't have to directly provide money to be a benefit. Not all of life is economic benefit, in fact, the vast majority of life's benefits are non-pecuniary.

Also, there are ways to make money while being a SAHM...


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Has she said why she does not want to work for you? Does she feel it would be giving up too much of her power?
> 
> That might be the reason she does not want to be a sahm, either. A woman cedes a lot of power to a man when she accepts to be a sahm. She has to trust he will not abuse her in any way, that he truly loves her and will treat her the way he would treat himself.
> 
> Andy, very honestly, have you given her any reason to believe you would not treat her the way you would treat yourself?


The reason she doesn't want to work for me is because I own her former business.It is a large health studio with over three thousand members and if she hadn't been giving money to her mother and letting her friends use the facilities free she would still own it.She was about to declare bankruptcy when I stepped in and we weren't even together at the time.I have been called a KISA by tam members and they may be right.The business is running like clockwork and will be in profit by February despite being almost half a million in the red three months ago.I could sell it easily but I want her to have it back and if we get married I will give it to her as a wedding present.I currently need a manager and she refuses to consider it.I may be repeating myself here but when I bought her business I gave her four hundred thousand dollars over the independent valuation of the place,she returned this money a short while later saying she wasn't a gold digger.I only bring this up as a way of showing that I will look after her and she has no worries about money.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> The reason she doesn't want to work for me is because I own her former business.It is a large health studio with over three thousand members and if she hadn't been giving money to her mother and letting her friends use the facilities free she would still own it.She was about to declare bankruptcy when I stepped in and we weren't even together at the time.I have been called a KISA by tam members and they may be right.The business is running like clockwork and will be in profit by February despite being almost half a million in the red three months ago.I could sell it easily but I want her to have it back and if we get married I will give it to her as a wedding present.I currently need a manager and she refuses to consider it.I may be repeating myself here but when I bought her business I gave her four hundred thousand dollars over the independent valuation of the place,she returned this money a short while later saying she wasn't a gold digger.I only bring this up as a way of showing that I will look after her and she has no worries about money.


Do you think she just feels overwhelmed by you, by your intelligence and superior business sense? Just completely overpowered?

I would not worry about the KISA label. I do not see you being stepped on in any way, too meek to stand up for yourself.

Also, Andy, did you make some rules about whether or not she could interact with her family? Don't you think that might feel overpowering to her? Like she has lost control over her own life, and decisionmaking ability?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Kivlor said:


> Also, there are ways to make money while being a SAHM...


I need to learn about investing. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to learn about investing, but I need to learn about it.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

jld said:


> I need to learn about investing. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to learn about investing, but I need to learn about it.


Well, the first place to start would be to figure out what kind of things you'd like to invest in. 

If you're just talking about the securities exchanges, there are some excellent reads out there. I've never really done much with it myself, because I prefer tangible assets (Real Estate). I'd highly recommend Nassim Taleb's Antifragile, for investment, and for life in general. 

It's less of a direct guide to investing, and more of a guide to changing your mindset so that you avoid engaging in behaviors that put you in the position of the "Sword of Damacles" myth (if the thread breaks, you're dead) and not even that of the Pheonix (no matter how bad things get you bounce back), but rather that place you in the position of the Hydra (cut off one head, two take it's place). The more things go wrong, the better you do, and if things don't go wrong, you're not any worse off than you were.

Some other folks may have some great ideas for investment books that are more of the how-to guide variety.

But JLD, you also don't have to just invest in securities, there are other things a SAHM can do to make money. Starting a part-time home business is always an option. I know folks who go to auctions, and buy stuff for resale on the interwebs for example.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Kivlor said:


> Well, the first place to start would be to figure out what kind of things you'd like to invest in.
> 
> If you're just talking about the securities exchanges, there are some excellent reads out there. I've never really done much with it myself, because I prefer tangible assets (Real Estate). I'd highly recommend Nassim Taleb's Antifragile, for investment, and for life in general.
> 
> ...


I don't really feel like I need to make money. But we do have some saved and it is time we learn about investing. 

I just dread it, though. Truly no interest in any of it, and a lot of fear.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Do you think she just feels overwhelmed by you, by your intelligence and superior business sense? Just completely overpowered?
> 
> I would not worry about the KISA label. I do not see you being stepped on in any way, too meek to stand up for yourself.
> 
> Also, Andy, did you make some rules about whether or not she could interact with her family? Don't you think that might feel overpowering to her? Like she has lost control over her own life, and decisionmaking ability?


I made no rules whatsoever about J interacting with her family in fact it was me who suggested she reach out to her sisters at least.When J owned her business her three sisters were employed by her and she was paying her mother five hundred a week for food and looking after her son.She was also giving her mother "loans" for god knows what that were never repaid.When her business failed her mother expected her to do all the housework and her sisters were very passive aggressive with her and refused to help with her son because they weren't being paid by her any more.When she returned the money that I gave her her mother threw her and her son out.I still welcomed Js family into my home until they insulted my best friend and house guest with homophobic insults but I never stopped J from seeing them.They accepted an invitation to thanksgiving dinner which J and Ally went to a lot of trouble for and then didn't turn up.Js mother then made more homophobic remarks until I told her who my business partner was.When she realised that her three daughters were technically employed by Ally her attitude changed.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I made no rules whatsoever about J interacting with her family in fact it was me who suggested she reach out to her sisters at least.When J owned her business her three sisters were employed by her and she was paying her mother five hundred a week for food and looking after her son.She was also giving her mother "loans" for god knows what that were never repaid.When her business failed her mother expected her to do all the housework and her sisters were very passive aggressive with her and refused to help with her son because they weren't being paid by her any more.When she returned the money that I gave her her mother threw her and her son out.I still welcomed Js family into my home until they insulted my best friend and house guest with homophobic insults but I never stopped J from seeing them.They accepted an invitation to thanksgiving dinner which J and Ally went to a lot of trouble for and then didn't turn up.Js mother then made more homophobic remarks until I told her who my business partner was.When she realised that her three daughters were technically employed by Ally her attitude changed.


Wow, sorry to hear all that. I have not read your thread, except a few bits, and did not know.

Homophobia usually stops when people meet and get to know homosexuals that they like and feel comfortable with. I hope that can happen with Ally and J's family.

Is J just a soft touch for her family? And the family takes advantage of that?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jld said:


> Marriage is not hard work for everyone. The secret is compatibility. And that is something that, imo, is more found than created.
> 
> It is critical to be transparent with your spouse. And to accept them as they are. You can try to persuade, to influence, but you must be able to hear No when they say it (if you want to stay together). Even when it just about kills you to hear it.
> 
> What drew you to this girl? Just her beauty? Or was there more to it than that?


First of all KISA means knight in shining armour lol.
When I met J the first time I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.I had just moved into an apt near her business while my house was being built.I had recently returned from Scotland where I had buried my parents.I asked her out to dinner straight away but she explained that she had a son and couldn't just go out when she wanted.I brought her to lunch instead and we very slowly started dating.
She is the kindest,warm hearted person I have ever met and if people had stopped interfering in our life we would be married now.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> First of all KISA means knight in shining armour lol.
> When I met J the first time I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.I had just moved into an apt near her business while my house was being built.I had recently returned from Scotland where I had buried my parents.I asked her out to dinner straight away but she explained that she had a son and couldn't just go out when she wanted.I brought her to lunch instead and we very slowly started dating.
> She is the kindest,warm hearted person I have ever met and if people had stopped interfering in our life we would be married now.


She sounds lovely. 

I think things are going to work out. But you both get the opportunity to grow a bit along the way.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Steve1000 said:


> I am cognizant that before she met me, a previous boyfriend cheated her out of 100 grand. He asked to borrow it for some business reason and then disappeared. She later prosecuted him and he served a few years in prison. She had told me a bit about this, but I later discovered some attorney documents that provided the details. She could not recoup that financial loss.
> 
> I've never directly asked her for more information about her finances. I do know the source of her income - twenty five years of good and fortunate investing.


Maybe you should play this for her:


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Kivlor said:


> Well, the first place to start would be to figure out what kind of things you'd like to invest in.
> 
> If you're just talking about the securities exchanges, there are some excellent reads out there. I've never really done much with it myself, because I prefer tangible assets (Real Estate). I'd highly recommend Nassim Taleb's Antifragile, for investment, and for life in general.
> 
> ...


Here's one: https://www.amazon.com/Permanent-Po...482521559&sr=8-1&keywords=permanent+portfolio


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> Maybe you should play this for her:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Egcq0HHpC0


It wasn't until the 1 minute mark when I started to figure out why the heck you picked this song.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Steve1000 said:


> It wasn't until the 1 minute mark when I started to figure out why the heck you picked this song.


The title might have provided a clue too.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> The title might have provided a clue too.


Some of us are just slower than others.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> It's not a deal breaker.I have to learn to compromise and this is not going to be easy.We haven't been talking much about this I'm just venting really.If she goes to work then I have to live with it.


I think you see it wrong. You are seeing it as something she is not doing for you, you need to see it a something you can do for her as a provider. That is in our (mens) nature. You are an emotional provider for her, become active in helping her find fulfillment in her career, kind of like a teammate or coach. (Just don't go all Lombardi on her, your English so I don't know if this translates so here you go)


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

sokillme said:


> I think you see it wrong. You are seeing it as something she is not doing for you, you need to see it a something you can do for her as a provider. That is in our (mens) nature. You are an emotional provider for her, become active in helping her find fulfillment in her career, kind of like a teammate or coach. (Just don't go all Lombardi on her, your English so I don't know if this translates so here you go)


I'm not English,I was born in the US.I know who Vince Lombardi was.I have lived in a lot of countries since I was born so my vocabulary probably sounds messed up to you.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

jld said:


> *I would not want to be with a high maintenance guy,* as then my energy would have to go into supporting him, instead of having it go to the kids and myself.
> 
> I don't blame you! But oddly enough I wouldn't change that about him if I could.
> 
> ...


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

jld said:


> I don't really feel like I need to make money. But we do have some saved and it is time we learn about investing.
> 
> I just dread it, though. Truly no interest in any of it, and a lot of fear.


Me either, JLD. My husband is SO into it and so wants me to be too. I just can't with it.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

jld said:


> I don't really feel like I need to make money. But we do have some saved and it is time we learn about investing.
> 
> I just dread it, though. Truly no interest in any of it, and a lot of fear.


What fear you feel now is nothing compared to the fear you would feel if something happened to Dug and you still had no knowledge about investing.

Especially if you had any significant amount of invested money at that point. Widows are notorious for being taken advantage of by slick "advisors".

For example, when my stepfather died and my mother had no idea what to do with the money. A "financial advisor" came along to relieve her of it; I had to step in to rescue her. There is a happy ending with my story, as she is fine, but if I hadn't been there, I'm sure the results would have been quite different.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

thefam said:


> Me either, JLD. My husband is SO into it and so wants me to be too. I just can't with it.


You are too busy right now, dear. Leave the investing to him!

Yes, breastfeeding is a very natural part of mothering. It does take time, though, especially with a small baby who nurses frequently.

I am so glad I breastfed. I did it for over 15 years, and it was so helpful.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I'm not English,I was born in the US.I know who Vince Lombardi was.I have lived in a lot of countries since I was born so my vocabulary probably sounds messed up to you.


I thought I remembered you lived in England. Whatever you got my point then.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

sokillme said:


> I thought I remembered you lived in England. Whatever you got my point then.


Have you been partying tonight lol.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

I have been happy to be the sole provider for the last 15 years. However, during that time, she has become very unappreciative of all of the work I do to provide for the family. That has caused a great resentment in our relationship and may be the end to it. It is not a financial issue. It is a respect and appreciation issue.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I think there can sometimes be a tendency for a non working spouse to lose sight of what's involved in generating income.

This is natural the longer one is out of the workforce and also can be impacted by how much one was ever in it. 

I know a woman whose husband has never really had a job.....they met young and she had far more earning potential because of the field she studied.

So he became a sahd and allowed her to build her career. They're still married 20 years later and he does a fine job at home.....cooks meals, cleans, runs the kids around, etc.

But I know she feels like he doesn't really appreciate what's involved in bringing in money and just spends it at will. They work through it but I think it's probably not an unusual dynamic when one spouse doesn't work outside the home.


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## bbdad (Feb 11, 2013)

Ours is similar (losing appreciation for what it takes to work 50-80 hours per week) except we eat out mostly, have cleaners come clean and both run the kids around. I work from home, so it is quite annoying that we do not get time apart and there is little appreciation for what is done. We have been very close to splitting. She is trying to show more appreciation. It is just not her style.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> I think there can sometimes be a tendency for a non working spouse to lose sight of what's involved in generating income.
> 
> This is natural the longer one is out of the workforce and also can be impacted by how much one was ever in it.
> 
> ...


Agreed. I'd say it probably applies also to where a spouse works but does not support the household. If I have a Starbucks gig for pocket cash and can satisfy my immediate personal needs, I'm not going to understand how my spouse making a good professional salary has money worries. If I don't see or have to worry about a mortgage, retirement planning, etc. then it's just an abstraction - something that happens to someone else.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

DTO said:


> Agreed. I'd say it probably applies also to where a spouse works but does not support the household. If I have a Starbucks gig for pocket cash and can satisfy my immediate personal needs, I'm not going to understand how my spouse making a good professional salary has money worries. If I don't see or have to worry about a mortgage, retirement planning, etc. then it's just an abstraction - something that happens to someone else.


That is just one of the several very important reasons that both spouses should understand finances.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I do indeed care how much money she makes. This isn't 1940. Both spouses should be working and both should be capable of making a living on their own.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Never did care.

I believe I should be able to not only support myself but a wife and children.

If I met someone who made as much or more than me it wouldn't bother me at all but I would never stop working or providing.

I believe that I should be able to take care of my family's needs regardless of how little or much my wife makes.


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