# suggestion plz



## chinchpokli (Jan 24, 2011)

i recently got married 1.5 yrs back to one of my friends, whom i've known since past 3 yrs. However, I had to enter inot a joint family as he stays with his siblings(un-married elser sisters) and parents. I was okay with that sicne I was working woean and felt that adjustment would be simpler for me. The family too showed lot of affection prior to our wedding.

However post-marriage ther were definelty some serious adjustments issues that i had to face at home and to ease out my tension or sort the issues in a better way, I started discussing (in a rather complaining tone  ) to my husband. He carefully used to listen to all my talk and never even tried to soothe my inner feelings or help me get adjusted to his family. 

Oflate I realised that he started taking all my discussion as serious complaints that I have against him and his family and started discussing all this with his friend(this guy has also discusses the issues with his wife with my husband). I started feelign soo low. And since I asked him not to reveal anything to his friends, he started being careful in sharing any sort of info about any of the family matters or about any of friends to me. He clearly told me that he would not talk out everything which he doesn't feel that I don't need to know. 

I suddenly started feeling low and not able to be free with him. I started getting into a mode of self-pity where in I myself had to adjust all thru this new phase of my life, still he blames me to complain abt them and not understand their feelings. I never had a harsh argument with anyone else at home too. Now, I'm not sure how much of my life should be exposed to him? Can we remeain like this forever in a relationship not revealing facts to one another since we belive that the other will not respect our decision. Please suggets me what to do here.

For now I'm trying to curb my feelings towards him and remain as a distant friend(no more as a wife). He is happy with me being so (not provoking him with questions). But somehwhere i find myself becoming insecure day by day. I dont' want to burst out again my shedding all my tears which did not help me anywhere till date.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

In my opinion, if you can't talk to each other, then it won't work long term. 

Part of what makes a relationship work is open communication with each other. If you look through the threads on this site, you'll notice that regardless of what else is going on (cheating, lack of sex, fighting), they almost all come back to they have trouble communicating. It's key. If you two can't share and talk with each other, every part of the relationship will suffer. 

He might claim to be happy with things as they are right now, but that won't last forever. And you're already not happy. 

Personally, I would try to start talking to him again. Get into counseling if you need to to make that happen. But you guys need to talk if you're going to be together.


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## chinchpokli (Jan 24, 2011)

thanks for your advice. However, last night I triggered him on this talk and told him that am losing confidence on him and wanted a kind of assurance form him that he would try to settle matters within ourselves, rather than discussing with a third person. However, he did not take ti positively, instead he took it as i am trying to find faults with him ... he started blaming me for not understanding what actually triggered him to talk it out to a friend. what best can i do to get him back ... and assure that i really want to be with him. Its hell to be in this dilema day in and day out. He finds a way out by chatting and having fun with his family. I somehow find myself being all alone.


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