# How many times to try before giving up



## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

I haven't posted for a long while but am nearing the end of my tether and without giving any detail (haven't the energy at the moment and you wouldn't have the time or energy to read & understand!) wondered how many times you've tried and failed and tried and things have got better and tried and failed again before thinking you're probably at the end?
By which I mean two, eight, 20 times, weeks, months, years, decades? And yes I know each couple is different but I just thought your feedback would help me sort my head.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Tried to solved sexless issue for 8 years... How many times? Pfff, more than a 100 times I guessed. I gave up in between and turned to an EA for 3 years.
I was inspired by TAM and I tried out a new way of communication for few months, it broke the ice, began to work. After couple of months, problems solved.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

Which way ultimately seemed to be the one that worked? (no, I know it may not work for us but you gotta ask!)


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## IWon'tDoThat (Jan 16, 2011)

I feel the same way. I've done so much to save the marriage. Put up with so much and allowed myself to feel I couldn't go on unless he was in my life. After all that I'm still here and wondering why. After over 20yrs together I want better. I'm starting to wish I was single to explore others. When is enough trying enough? I feel its now. Am I wrong


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## dka (Jan 23, 2011)

I think that the number of times is less important than the impact each time you try has. With each unsuccessful attempt I think resentment and hurt builds. My fear is that as you continue to try you may end up hurting one another so deeply that maintaining any respect for the other person is no longer an option. Only you will know when you have reached your breaking point and I do believe that often people give up way to soon, however, I think that it is very possible to try for too long too:S I realize that is not very helpful as we would all love for someone to say "if you try 18.7 times and it doesn't work than it never will", but being that probably won't happen, I think you really need to pay attention to the your feelings changing with each attempt.


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## madimoff (Feb 17, 2010)

dka said:


> I think that the number of times is less important than the impact each time you try has. With each unsuccessful attempt I think resentment and hurt builds. My fear is that as you continue to try you may end up hurting one another so deeply that maintaining any respect for the other person is no longer an option. Only you will know when you have reached your breaking point and I do believe that often people give up way to soon, however, I think that it is very possible to try for too long too:S I realize that is not very helpful as we would all love for someone to say "if you try 18.7 times and it doesn't work than it never will", but being that probably won't happen, I think you really need to pay attention to the your feelings changing with each attempt.



LOL! More like 118.7! (no, I jest but only slightly...) It's definitely down to the effect each (failed or vaguely successful) attempt has. My OH says quite often he always hopes things will be better and they never are - but I think that's by way of an exaggeration. Itś definitely true that we have steps forward, backward, sideways and every which way and yet somewhere in my gut I feel itś worth plugging away. Or maybe itś low self esteem, a young child and desperation.


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## shack (Jan 26, 2011)

been married 2 months and i feel same 3 months 4 months is long enougth dnt work then give up prob get worse,maybe i will work it out v soon shes got 3 weeks and am gone bk to england from indonesia


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

This is how my husband feels at the moment. He is thinking he can't handle this every day and so he should go stay with his parents for awhile.  I don't feel like there's any change in the cycle so it keeps happening. And he's totally shut off to counseling. I found this website and it has some helpful articles:
Save My Marriage | Marriage help and restoration for troubled marriages and those needing saving


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I guess it seems to me that rather than trying a certain number of TIMES of the same things that don't work, try something else and see if it works?


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