# Guide to find "The One"



## qwer1234

The following methods are not about just getting a girl to go out with you. And it's not about "scoring" or getting laid. It goes further than that. More importantly it's not anti-female or whatsoever. It's a methodology that supports you in finding a woman who is potential committed-relationship material and then determining whether or not she truly is The One".

I didn't "invent" it but just summerize it, in order to hear your opinion on that. I have my own opinion on that but after talking to other people, some points are a little bit ambiguous for me now. So I want to hear your opinion on that matter. What do you think about this material? What are the good points and bad points? And why they're bad?

Key points

# The basics: The basic premises of a fulfilling long term relationship are:
•men need to have qualities of masculine: confidence, control and challenge.
•women need to have feminine qualities: integrity, be giving and flexible.
•a good relationship has: respect, affection, romance, humor

Male Strength Qualities:

Confidence (Self-Confidence, Self-Esteem) - Humor is one way to show confidence. She has to know where the line is drawn where you will walk without you telling her.

Control (Discipline, Patience, Self-Control) - Go in slowly because patience is the key to women. She initiates touching. Practice manners and class always. No public displays of affection (PDA). If another guy checks her out be cool and take it as a compliment.

Challenge - Let her chase you. Only use the phone to setup a date. No social networks or instant messaging. Be honest and closed with personal information. Spoon feed her over a lifetime. Move very slow, stop, backup, this raises interest level.

Female Traits (Attitude):

Integrity (Loyalty, Trust, Honesty) - Would you go into business with this woman? Is this someone you can trust?

Giving - She pays for the dates once in a while. Does she offer a backrub or give you the phonebook to call a Chiropractor?

Flexibility - A girl who is not structured. Someone who is playful. Is she hassle-free?

# Phone calls - The phone is just to make a date and not to chit chat. If you get the answering machine, don't leave a message.

# Reality Factor - Men have a tendency not to face reality when it comes to dealing with Miss Right. They have to stop rationalizing and have to put their ego and pride aside and see things as they are. Strongly connected with that is the "Bottom Line Factor".

# Bottom Line Factor - Only her actions truly reflect her feelings and attitude towards you NOT what she says. For example if you ask her out on a date, and everything she replies which is not a "yes" or she doesn't make any effort of counteroffering, means she's not interested in you. Move on.

# Age 18 -22 - Be careful dating a girl who's between 18 and 22. In general these girls are not grown up yet. They don't know what they want in life and can be a flake. I don't say you shouldn't date them but be very observant of red flags (see "red flags") in dating them.

# Female Interest Level - The most important factor. A thermostat of a woman's romantic feelings for you. It is a scale from 0% to 100%.

90 - 100%: She is in love. The goal is to get and keep her here by practicing the male strength qualities.

51 - 89%: The higher her interest level, the more fun you will have. The lower her interest level, the more she will nag, graze, and act moody.

49%: The point of no return. A guy can't raise her interest level above 50% again. One example of reaching this point is hearing "I need my space."

40 - 49%: She may be with a guy but is gathering resentment to make a clean break. She is generally unpleasant to be around and open to flirting with other guys.

0 - 39%: She walks. It's like she was dating the guy 100 years ago. She has moved on.

# Going back - You can never go back. The resentment and reasons why it didn't work are still there. If she wants to come back it is to satisfy her ego and will be temporary until she finds something better to do. Never ever take her back.

# First date - The first date is a short coffee date at Starbucks. It should take 30-45 minutes at best. No compliments and no gifts on a first date. 

# Topics to talk - She's not your psychologist or your mother, so don't spill out your guts. Keep it light and funny. No put downs, no negatives. Don't tell her about your insecurities or flaws. Avoid topics like politics, religion and sex (this includes sexual innuendos whatsoever as well). 

# 60 Days - Wait 5 - 9 days between phone calls. Only go out on weekdays. Friday and Saturdays you disappear completely. If she starts with 51% interest level or above then after 9 dates (~60 days) she will be in love. Once she is your girlfriend then you can see her up to 3 times per week and you can date her on Fridays and Saturdays.

# Kiss - If you don't land a kiss on the MOUTH (on the cheek doesn't count) after date number 2, you flush her number down the toilet, do this without hesitation.

# Long distant relationship - Don't bother starting one. Dating a girl that is more than 100 miles away won't work in the long term.

# Dating a Co-Worker - Don't do it. It could affect negativley your performance on job. Because if it won't work out, you still have to see her. And this will be an awkward situation for both of you. More over maybe your boss is into her as well. So, resist the temptation of dating a co-worker.

# Next date - Never make a date on a date. Since this shows neediness and is anti-challenge. BUT if she makes a date then you can accept it. (See also "in commings"). Otherwise wait to 5-9 days until you make the next date.

# In comming - If it is in comming you can accept it. If she offers to go out with you, then it's the wrong time to be a challenge.

# Boyfriend/ hunsband - No boyfriend or husband lurking in the background! Never date a girl who's already in a relationship. If she betrays her boyfriend/ husband, she'll in all liklihood do it to you, too. Wait till she drop him. And even if she's dropped him, wait 2 to 3 months before thinking of taking things seriously.

# Physical Attraction Test - When a girl first meets a guy she determines whether she has 51% or higher interest level based upon his appearance and communication.

# Head games - Girls who are into you are less prone playing hard to get. If she's really into you she'll help you and make it easy for you.

# Maintenance Program (Respect, Affection, Romance, Humor):

Respect - Say no to her once in a while and stand your ground.

Affection - This only applies to when she has 90 - 100% interest level. Quietly hold her in your arms for 10 seconds, stare into her eyes, act like you enjoy it, no kissing, when meeting her and and departing.

Romance - Do something special or buy her a small gift every few weeks.

Humor - Diffuse direct questions with humor like Jim Carrey. No matter what she asks, or how many times she nags you, she'll only get a funny answer. Keep it light and funny always (no religion, no politics, no sex, no negatives, no putdowns).

# Home phone numbers - Always ask for her home phone number. Don't accept mobile phone numbers. If she has a hard wired home phone and she doesn't give it to you, then it's a sign of low interest level which means she's not Miss Right. 

# Red flags - If you detect any red flags (= bad behaviour like nagging, flaking, lying, inconsistency, .... ) you should back off and start to hustle other phone numbers. Keep in mind, everthing that bothers you about her in the beginning will be 10 times worse if you're married with her. So think twice if you can live with any of her bad behaviours.

# Marriage - Date her for 2 years and watch her attitude (Integrity, Flexibility, Giving) for red flags. Show that you can keep her in the 90's. Never ask her to marry you by yourself. She has to ask you to marry her (or hint for you to ask). Date your wife. Never take her for granted. Treat her with respect. Always be a gentleman to her and always act classy around her. Show her affection NOT with words but by action - but only if she's already fallen for you. Always be a challenge. She initiates touching. Make a place away from her like the garage or live in separate houses. Say "I love you" a handful of times in your lifetime - but only when she has said it more often than you did.


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## toolate

I see no responses to this. I actually took the time to read through the entire post and well... is this an April Fools?


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## peacefully

Where is this information from?
It seems manipulative to me. I did not like the line "Quietly hold her in your arms for 10 seconds, stare into her eyes, act like you enjoy it" if you have to "act like you enjoy it" then why bother? Also, what is with the thing about only seeing a woman on weekdays and not on the weekends?
This makes it seem like it's okay to play head games, when I do not think that it is.
I do however agree on the traits of the sexes as being important.


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## Momof3kids

Frankly, I think this is junk... I can see some value in the basic traits, but I would want all of them to apply to both genders. I can also agree with the stance to not date a co-worker. 

The rest of it? I'm with peacefully - it's a set of mind games.


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## Deejo

It's a Pick-up-artist/dating tips 12 steps to recovery daily affirmation how to find your soul-mate and have them eating out of your hand mish-mash.

This should totally be a movie ...


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## qwer1234

peacefully said:


> Where is this information from?
> It seems manipulative to me. I did not like the line "Quietly hold her in your arms for 10 seconds, stare into her eyes, act like you enjoy it" if you have to "act like you enjoy it" then why bother? Also, what is with the thing about only seeing a woman on weekdays and not on the weekends?
> This makes it seem like it's okay to play head games, when I do not think that it is.
> I do however agree on the traits of the sexes as being important.


It's from doclove. A dating coach. As far as I understood, this guide is to find a woman, whit whom you'll get a loving marriage without nagging and divorcing. The key points I mentioned are little tests to evaluate the interest of the woman. The higher the interest, the better the marriage to come. 

In the beginning I thought they were stupid head games as well, but when I really read his advises through I came to the conclusion he's not that far away from reality, since I made mistakes with women as well. I couldn't let a woman go, I was persistent and thus wasted a lot of times. Now with his advice I can "test" her interest and know when to move on and don't always have to ask questions like "Does she like me or not?".


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## qwer1234

Deejo said:


> It's a Pick-up-artist/dating tips 12 steps to recovery daily affirmation how to find your soul-mate and have them eating out of your hand mish-mash.
> 
> This should totally be a movie ...


As I said in the beginning: It's NOT about pick-up, it's not about getting laid. The adviser even recommend sex after marriage and to treat women with respect and always be a gentleman to her. And if this woman is your girlfriend/ wife, you are not allowed to take her for granted.


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