# Fellas... Please help me!!



## Backedup (May 13, 2010)

Hi there. I'm 21 years old, in the United States Air Force as a Civil Engineer and I feel like my life since marriage has been a complete disappointment. Let me tell you my story and I'm completely open to ANY advice. I know this is gonna be long but I want to be as thorough as possible to eliminate as much of a bias view as possible... so PLEASE bear with me!

I met my wife through a friend my freshman year of High School. We dated for all of my years in High School and the sex was decent for living 40 minutes away (maybe once every 2 weeks or so). After I graduated we both moved in together away from home (about 3 hours away) to start college together. After 2 weeks of living together she starts feeling homesick (no sex) because she's the only one ever at the apartment because I was working 40+ hours a week while going to school for 15 credit hours. She lived in the same house for 21 years so I felt like I was understanding. Our relationship began to get rocky and she moved back home and we broke up (no sex). She then commuted every Tuesday and Thursday for 6 hours round trip because she couldn't stay at the apartment. I was okay by myself because I was paying everything by myself anyways. During this time of being single and in college, I used it to my advantage and explored with several different ladies each coming back which was refreshing because I thought the reason my (ex at the time) wasnt wanting it was because of my lack of abilities. BUT ANYWAY

I then get laid off because my school work was cutting into my job. Moved back home and we start talking again. I decide my life was better WITH her so I take her back and I enlisted into the Air Force to make a career for myself (sex at least twice a day before I left for basic training).

After basic training and tech school, I was sent to Korea for a year unaccompanied. Before I left I proposed to her because I could see myself with her for the rest of my life (assumed that our sexual relationship would only blossom after marriage and living alone together).

I come home after 6 months in Korea to get married. BIG, all out wedding. Rented a hotel room afterward to finally consummate without being inside of her parents house. NOTHING happened. We got inside the room... I popped some champagne... and I get the ever so worn out "I'm so tired, I cant even keep my eyes open". I tried anyways. She just shrugged me off. I went to sleep pissed off. In the month I was home on leave we didnt have sex once. I left unaccompanied for another 6 months to complete my year tour in Korea.

After Korea, I came home for 2 weeks (no sex) to get all of our stuff together to move to Hawaii for my next duty station. Here is where I thought our marriage would really sky rocket. All of the feelings would just EXPLODE. Oh how was I wrong. We've been here in Hawaii for 7 months now and we have had sex a total of two... TWO times!! We've even been through Valentine's Day... our one year anniversary... Christmas... both my 21st birthday and her 22nd... No sex ANY of those days.

We've had many MANY discussions about our sexual relationship and how I feel it's a very important part of a marriage. She seems to not care if she would have sex ever again nor search out if she has any problems preventing her to WANT to. You know how if you've gone without sex for a longer period of time than normal then you start to realize all of the little stuff that irritates the SH*T out of you? This is that time. When I try to talk to her about things that upset me she thinks I'm just criticizing her. When I do say something about sex she says that's all I ever think about. True... sex is like air... it's not important unless you're not getting any!!

It's our first time living together and she's transitioned quite well. She's not homesick that I can tell. But I'm not realizing stuff about her that I completely despise. She has over $30,000 in student loans with no degree, a $16,000 car, a mandatory Blackberry phone that's over $100 a month, and a couple of credit cards that are probably $1000 each. Oh, she had no aspirations to get a job until I made her get one while here in Hawaii. She got one... working 4 hours a day doing toddler tumbling. She gets home and is SOO EXHAUSTED so she sits around on the computer and watches her "shows"! When I come home I usually do a load of laundry, dishes, and clean up the house a little before either her or I make dinner.

I am deploying and she's going home because she doesn't want to be here by herself not knowing anyone. So she quit her job and she wants to go home and take this Medical Transcriptionist course that costs $1800. Okay... fine.

It's to the point where we argue about every little thing because deep down I despise her for taking something that should be shared between two married people away from me. She doesnt want to see anyone about it nor talk to me about it. I feel neglected. She obviously doesnt care about my needs. I got a Maxim magazine in the mail the other day because it was a free 3 month subscription and she wanted me to explain myself on why I ordered it. She ripped it up and threw it in the trash in front of me and I just told her I felt sorry for her because she is so self conscious.

I was talking to one of my female friends at work (because I cant talk to them anywhere else, cause if she knew I talked to other females she would completely blow up at me) and she told me I was too nice of a guy for her to deserve me and is completely astonished that I havent sought out a release elsewhere.


That's not the complete story but I just realized how long this was and I'm sure no one is gonna read it so I'll stop here. There's just too many stuff that's bothering me to type down on here. This is majority of it... but PLEASE if you do make it through this comment on what I should do because I feel like if things don't get any better after I come back from my deployment... I'll have no choice but to divorce her. When do you cross the line because you are no longer happy with your life? I'd love to carry my vows to the grave with me... but where does that line exist? Thank you sooo much ahead of time.


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## dubcoza (May 12, 2010)

I think she may need some sort of counselling. The best way to handle it is to start off with couples therapy, then slowly ease her into therapy for herself. But if she doesn't seem keen, you have to be honest with her and tell her its not acceptable, both the lack of sex and her attitude toward work.


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## omar77 (May 10, 2010)

from what i read you 2 seem not to talk to each other she feels lonely so much that it influence everything else her watching her shows sleeping depressed. my opinion don't tell her she needs therapy just sympathize with her sit with her tell her she is the best thing in ur life and you're proud of her and don't disrespect her issues or ideas thoughts or concerns listen to them and stat working on solving them sometimes military changes people in the sense that you assume things in home and work are same and compare between her and other females no one is complete from the way you're writing she feels that you brought her just to have sex with her and this is why she is upset but don't want to confront you you have to care about her emotions some women are very nice and honest and faithful but they need to share feelings she needs to believe that she is the one in your life and you care and protect her try to sit and watch her shows try to see what she likes and do it catch her hand when you're walking driving women are very nice just know how to deal with them and they will make you happy.


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