# I'm so lost.



## gemini2502 (Jan 12, 2011)

My husband and I have been together 8 years, married for 5. We spent the first couple years of our marriage trying to conceive, we ended up going through a couple miscarriages and some treatments so that I could carry a baby full term. We finally had a baby a year ago.... at first I suffered from some anxiety and depression just over the general shock of becoming a parent... then around the time I went back to work my husband started this phase of telling me how I "ruined" his life by having a baby. After a couple months of that, he finally stopped..... but since then he has been infatuated with our baby (telling me how much he loves the baby, and how great the baby is) but now he is very hostile (verbally not physically) toward me. Yelling and screaming at me when I ask him simple questions, making hurtful comments. Saying hurtful things about my body and then way they are a joke. He has make some huge changes in the last year or so (lost over 100lbs) and during that time he has become more and more angry and easily frustrated.... I'm kind of at my wits end. We had another talk last week where he apologized and promised to work on his attitude, and try and treat me better..... but this isn't our first conversation like this... it lasts a week or two and then goes back to the way it was..... He has said things like "you better never take my child away from me" and "I'll kill you if you ever try to divorce me" .... I don't know how serious he is, but I'm afraid to find out..... I see a therapist for anxiety and depression that started with my miscarriages and infertility....I've begged him to go to counseling, but he always says "we don't need that"... he also wants me to quit going to my therapist....... I see the signs, but I'm in denial right now..... I wouldn't know how to move forward if I did decide to leave him. I'm not sure if it is to late to try to save our marriage or if we are just spiraling out of control..... I am lost, and completely blind sided by this. We were always the happy couple that was going to stay together forever (I guess everyone is at some point though right?) I don't know where to go..... I need advice.


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

gemini2502 said:


> My husband and I have been together 8 years, married for 5. We spent the first couple years of our marriage trying to conceive, we ended up going through a couple miscarriages and some treatments so that I could carry a baby full term. We finally had a baby a year ago.... at first I suffered from some anxiety and depression just over the general shock of becoming a parent... then around the time I went back to work my husband started this phase of telling me how I "ruined" his life by having a baby. After a couple months of that, he finally stopped..... but since then he has been infatuated with our baby (telling me how much he loves the baby, and how great the baby is) but now he is very hostile (verbally not physically) toward me. Yelling and screaming at me when I ask him simple questions, making hurtful comments. Saying hurtful things about my body and then way they are a joke. He has make some huge changes in the last year or so (lost over 100lbs) and during that time he has become more and more angry and easily frustrated.... I'm kind of at my wits end. We had another talk last week where he apologized and promised to work on his attitude, and try and treat me better..... but this isn't our first conversation like this... it lasts a week or two and then goes back to the way it was..... He has said things like "you better never take my child away from me" and *"I'll kill you if you ever try to divorce me"* .... I don't know how serious he is, but I'm afraid to find out..... I see a therapist for anxiety and depression that started with my miscarriages and infertility....I've begged him to go to counseling, but he always says "we don't need that"... *he also wants me to quit going to my therapist*....... I see the signs, but I'm in denial right now..... I wouldn't know how to move forward if I did decide to leave him. I'm not sure if it is to late to try to save our marriage or if we are just spiraling out of control..... I am lost, and completely blind sided by this. We were always the happy couple that was going to stay together forever (I guess everyone is at some point though right?) I don't know where to go..... I need advice.


Definitely don't quit seeing your therapist. Speak to your therapist about this and it might be good to speak to your GP too. What country are you in? I know more about the UK and it helps posters give better advice if they know where you are, so what is available and the laws etc.

The comment about killing you - has that happened once or more than once? Is it frequent? Has he ever pushed you or physically been aggressive - even if you consider it a small thing, 'just a bit of a shove' etc? How is your post-natal depression now - is that gone or are you still having to deal with it?

Be safe. If he gets violent get your baby and walk out, call the police and get their help immediately. Don't stop to pick things up or pack, just go. Depending on how likely you think this could be you might want to have a discreet bag packed with basics (nappies, formula, a few clothes, spare phone charger etc). If he is verbally abusive call the police. Don't put up with it - he needs to know you mean business and you need to know you are not alone. Talking to your therapist and GP could help you find ways to work through this or to persuade him to get some counselling - give you ideas, support and advice. Stay strong, stay calm, and stay safe x


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Contact you local Abused Woman's center and go for a confidential consultation. Don't tell him you are doing this. This is very serious abuse going on her, the verbal put downs, the threats. Don't underestimate and be in denial about the danger to you and your child.


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