# My husband is a SERIAL CHEATER



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Yes you read that right- a little background married 7yrs- 4 kids- currently seperated. i have a few quest. My H has cheated w several OW. Me being dumb and thinking I could fix things ALWAYS forgaue him and took him bk. He currently lives with an Ow. The same one he messed with for close to 2yrs about 3ys ago. I HATE THIS *****. She is 25 my H is 30. She has 2 kids by diff men tht her parents take care of. She LIVES with her parents Idk why my H is so caught up in her. They smoke weed everyday dnt wrk. She texts my phone talking **** to me. She threatens to fight me. Etc. Has anyone else bn thru this? I seen my H driving her car yest he followd me and pulld into parking space beside me. Did NOT say a word to me or kids just stared?! I took kids and went in the store. 30 days he has had no contact with kids. But he emails me daily JUST to argue or bicker about meaningless stuff. This woman can have him. I need to D. Can he fght for custody when he has had NOTHING to do with our kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

If you are taking care of the kids. You are establishing a role as the primary care giver. Document how much time you spend with the kids and what you do for them.

If he is following you, file for a Harrassment order. If you can't get one go to the police and file a complaint. Even if they cannot give you restraining order, it will be documented and you have left a trail. Document Document Document Document........ I went to the police 3 times about my EX wife, stealing, trespassing in my house AFTER the divorce was finalized etc... I couldn't do things legally but in a custody hearing that is different.

You H has a right to see his kids because he is the biological father. You need to prove that he is NOT being a father to limit his time with them as much as possible. You may not get 100% but you should get a large portion of it.

When you file for D ask for sole legal and physical custody, but have the documentation to prove that you are the MOM. School meeting, doctors appointments etc...

When I found my wife was cheating on me, she was the primary care giver. That was her role. It is not because I didn't want to be involved like that with my kids, but I was the bread winner. It is how our marriage was. I knew I was going to get half so on Mon and Tues, I made the kids breakfast lunch and dinner and every F/Sat/Sun. I took them to their practices, talked to teachers, took them too their games, FAR more than she did.

I did it to establish a pattern because that is what the court looks at. If the pattern is they are always with you and you are doing the work then it won't change.

I also did it because I love my kids. I never complained about how my wife did her role, but I cook more for them, clean more, do more. I do it now because I want them to be happy and healthy and because I'd rather spend the time making them a good dinner as opposed to getting pizza. Make the effort, establish a pattern and document. You may not get everything you want, but it is the best way to help yourself in this mess.


----------



## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

mama2five said:


> Can he fght for custody when he has had NOTHING to do with our kids?


Sure he can fight for custody.

A better question might be does he have a case. Maybe that's why he's following you.

Could he make allegations that you are an unfit parent due to drug or alcohol issues, have you been abusive or neglectful to the children? These are hard questions you need to ask yourself because if he fights for custody you're going to be asked them by an attorney while you're in the hot seat. 

If you're clean, and he isn't making an effort to see the kids, and you can document his drug use then you've got the edge for sure.

Gotta tell you, he's been cheating on you for a long time.. with so many different women, and even now he's not even living with you and probably not paying any support.. WTF are you waiting for to file at the very least for child support let alone divorce?

Sounds like only recently have you even begun to consider it.

That's rather troubling.



MovingAhead said:


> I did it to establish a pattern because that is what the court looks at. If the pattern is they are always with you and you are doing the work then it won't change.


How'd that work for you, did you get primary custody?


----------



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

Thank you both 4 responding. I do not do drugs-drink or even smoke cigarettes. I am and have been the sole provider 4 our kids. No abuse and no neglect. He followed me to get a rise outta me cuz he is a POS and wantd to rub it in my face that he was driving her car. I do have an order for cs it was established 6yrs ago when our first was born and he left. The courts froze the order 3yr ago and put him on a reporting order since he is NOT working. He has to show once a month tht he is lookn 4 employment. Its not fair because he leaches off these women and doesnt take care of the kids at all. I always thought he would changf and be a good father and husband so I held on. Big waste of time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Make sure that you keep all the emails he sends you that are negative, him trying to argue with you, etc.

If he admits do not drugs in the emails make sure to keep them.

Also keep the texts of her saying things like she is going to beat you up and any other harrassing txts. You can down load the txts or you can have them up on the cell and get a photocopy of your cell with the text showing that they came from her number.

Depending on the court your can ask that he be drug tested before he is allowed to have unsupervised visitation.

Every time he follows you, stalks you, etc call the police. Sit in your car. Dial 911 and call the police. Wait there for them to show up.


----------



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

He has always been a horrible father. To be honest my kids barely know him because he has been in and out so much like a revolving door. I do not keep him from the kids and never have. No matter how hurt I am I still tried to make him form a relationship with them. He chooses to NOT call them or come and see them. He wont even take them for an hour or two. If i dnt push the contact then its NOT there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

For me, I established my pattern because she was a stay at home mom. I took care of the house and work and I did my share of homework and practice.

There was no way i was going to get primary custody in court. I had to make sure I was going to get my 50%. All of my kids want to live with me solely, but that will be another battle. Like I said, be a great mom, take care of your kids and document. You may not get 100% yet but you should definitely get the lion's share of time.

The court is not about being fair so be prepared. Bring documentation. Prove the pattern you have established. Be prepared and go for the max. Most courts do NOT want the children to testify and if you say he never talks to the kids, then prove it. Phone records etc... Don;t let it be his word against yours.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

mama2five said:


> She LIVES with her parents Idk why my H is so caught up in her. They smoke weed everyday dnt wrk.


Well that's self-explanatory. Smoking weed every day, not working, and living off someone else's house payment is paradise for the right mind-set. 

It's pretty easy to have a small recorder handy by the phone that has a jack you can plug into it if that is legal in your state. If all you have to do is let them know it is being recorded they may still be stoned enough to act like idiots. Regular drug and alcohol use is spiffy for stupid acts.

Sorry for your troubles. There are a lot of really good men out there and you are still young enough to be attractive while old enough to be... attractive, instead of an immature girl.


----------



## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

mama2five said:


> He has always been a horrible father. To be honest my kids barely know him because he has been in and out so much like a revolving door. I do not keep him from the kids and never have. No matter how hurt I am I still tried to make him form a relationship with them. He chooses to NOT call them or come and see them. He wont even take them for an hour or two. If i dnt push the contact then its NOT there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have to ask: WHY are you still with this man? File for divorce.


----------



## mama2five (Dec 29, 2012)

I am stupid. I still love him. I stayed around all these yrs hoping he would change. Always believing his "im sorrys" taking him back each time he left us. I finally have had enough thats why I came to this site for support. I want to look into filing my own divorce with online forms.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

If you want to make sure you get custody. I suggest you get a lawyer. It is well worth it. You may want to have all the plans of how you want to divide your assets drawn up, but if you want to make sure you get as much of the kids as possible a lawyer would be well worth the cost.

Get as much information as possible, do the light lifting, but for the child custody part have a lawyer for that.


----------

