# Suddenly Divorce



## Laststandwa (Nov 15, 2015)

Married 17 years...more tough times than smooth. Bad communication, intamacy issues due to my ED, three teens still at home. Two tries at MC, both her doing. First time worked for yeas, second got to intamacy and broke down due to my issue and fear of admitting a problem with porn. We would slowly not communicate and stress would build then blow, cycle repeated self. She would want to quit, I would beg and logically convince her o stay. Last time the Lise's to say out numbered the minuses......always hinged and referring to staying until last child is out of the house. Bombshell Jan this ear....wife admitted hooked on meth and heroin cheated once during binge. I admitted porn issue. Fast forward to now. Moth seeing counsellors, I have addressed porn issue and have stayed away for 90+ days, have turned around my connections with the kids. Generally doing better all around. Wife going through recovery program, 115 days sober and sounds like she has turned the corner on this stage of her recovery. She is working the program to death with meetings, contacts, sponsor, etc. she is doing well. Second bombshell, "I don't think we were meant to be together, married you for father for her small child, financial security, we had fun together. Now two aren't true, so want divorce. No more drugs in system (was using pain pills for most of early marriage) to mask the feeling of shouldn't be married. I am lost.....I did all the right things in my recovery, and hers, discussing and agreeing that US had to wait until SHE was solid in her recovery. So now we are both solid and I think ready to see what new marriage we can build without our addictions, and she is done, no romantic feelings for me, not attracted to me. Only wants divorce, any and all feelings, actions or closeness during her recovery were just to keep me rrom taking kids. Intemacy we experienced during her recovery was just her chasing a replacement high for the drugs. I so desperately want to save this marriage an forge a new future for us and our family, not throw away all the positives we have built with our home and lives, but I am broken hearted and stunned. What is next step, I still have fight in me, friend of both of ours has said that if she is worth it, then fight for her! Now what? Anything that hints at that gets her agitated and shuts her down, closes her off... she seems hell bent on not trying, just cutting loose. I thought that this rash decision wasn't encouraged during recovery, but I think she has her sponsors approval and her therapists agreement....Help!!


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

I don't think there is anything to save. Can you get custody of your children? How old are they?


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## Laststandwa (Nov 15, 2015)

They are mid to late teens. Doing that would really get her fired up, would unduly traumatized the kids and wouldn't be in any bodies best interest right now. She has told them of her struggle (not the details of the drugs, just an addiction) so they are outwardly comfortable and aware if it and the meetings she goes to.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

You're done. Move on and do everything to take care of the kids.

Nothing else to save here. You are responsible for your part in this.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Last Stand
I am sad to say that it is impossible to "fight for her" if you WANT her. 
You can buy her a diamond ring, a box of chocolates, write her love notes with your hopes and dreams or you can literally fight for her and buy a tank, AK47 and boxing gloves BUT unless SHE WANTS you are wasting your money and emotions. 
VH


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## asdfjkl (Sep 26, 2015)

Get custody of the kds and then move on.
I would not trust an (ex-)drug addict to meht and heroin around my kids.

Regards

asdfjl


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