# Some did not get the memo....



## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Somebody had what some call an
“Affair” this weekend...
An adulterous affair.
They had been talking to that guy at work, telling him all their problems about that guy at home.
Or there was a man who felt that twinge of different in that woman that spent a long time just listening.
It was enough to keep them interested. Eventually, enough to bring them to an affair.
A young wife whose husband left her, after he committed adultery, admitted he should never have started talking to the waitress who flirted.
But he said he didn’t want to talk to his wife anymore.
Adultery is a choice.
Adultery is not an accident, I didn’t mean for this to happen, reality.
The reality is that you chose things that positionally set you up for adultery.
Somewhere along the way, you knew something was getting too close and you liked it.
You talked too long.
You spent too much time.
You talked badly of your spouse.
You let a few bad days create your life outside your home.
You had unresolved issues.
You didn’t communicate at home.
Adultery doesn’t start in the bedroom. Or the back seat or a hotel. Or a work office.
Adultery starts in a heart that’s positioning itself in unfaithfulness.
You talk.
They touch.
They talk.
You comfort.
How many scenarios are there?
Today, be careful.
Set a hedge around your marriage.
Engage with others without lacing up your conversation with your discontent at home.
You do not solve issues at home with adultery.
The best rule of thumb I’ve ever known to be a great deterrent to bad behavior, is simply the golden rule.
Would you want them to do to you, what you are doing to them?
If the answer is no, then get yourself in check.
As the wife of a faithful man for over 40 years, who has set hedges and guardrails and good walls around his marriage, I know this security in marriage creates passion and extravagance.
Adultery starts with conversations and most often, conversations you really should not be having.
One of the greatest things you can ever do for your valentine, is give them the security of a faithful marriage.
Every valentine is a gift.
Throwing it away is a selfish sad thing to do.
Adultery ruins families and lives nearly daily.
Watch your conversations today.
Guard the love God gave you.
~AnnStewartPorter


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

This is why I tell my W when a woman makes a pass at me or when a woman is attractive to me. A form of radical honesty.

Oddly my W is still friendly with the woman who wanted me to take her into the woods last Autumn, perhaps she put her up to it?


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## NorseViking (Apr 14, 2018)

TAMAT said:


> Oddly my W is still friendly with the woman who wanted me to take her into the woods last Autumn, perhaps she put her up to it?


Google: women relationship tests


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

TAMAT said:


> This is why I tell my W when a woman makes a pass at me or when a woman is attractive to me. A form of radical honesty.
> 
> Oddly my W is still friendly with the woman who wanted me to take her into the woods last Autumn, perhaps she put her up to it?


Or did your wife already have her turn with her in the woods? I’m joking of course........?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Thank you for calling it what it is.... adultery. God gave us the right to name animals, but not behaviors.


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## Ella-Bee (Apr 18, 2020)

In my experience, cheating is a symptom not a cause. If I am happy with my partner, it wouldn't matter how attractive, rich or anything else the guy was. I would take his interest as a compliment but nothing more. If I'm in a bad relationship that probably should end but drags on for whatever reason, then suddenly the attention from those other men starts to register more. It doesn't mean that I act on it, but I definitely makes me think about what is wrong in my current relationship. These days I'm of the opinion that cheating (even just emotional affairs) happen because:

a) the couple was incompatible from the start but one or both have attachment issues and jumped into a serious committment without taking time to work out if they were a good match 

or

b) the couple was a good match to begin with but one or both partners have changed significantly over the years and they are no longer a match

I used to be strongly against divorce under any circumstance except abuse, infidelity, etc (extreme stuff). These days I've realised that a lot of people have different needs at different times in their lives. Sometimes their existing partner can adapt to these new requirements, sometimes not. For example, when I was younger I wanted a stand-in father figure. I was far more submissive and was happy with the idea of being a SAH wife/mother and letting a man take care of me. Then in my 30s I wanted the type of men that would be good parents, so anyone who loved kids instantly attracted me. Overly dominant men were a turn off. The older I get, the more independent I get and now I would go as far as being ok with a more submissive type of man (at least in the bedroom) and don't have the same strong need to be with anyone at all. I'd still like to find someone to travel and share life with, but I can look after myself and kids are no longer a factor so my requirements are very different to that of my 20 year old self.

I've seen the same change in some of the male friends I have. They were very dominant, assertive types when younger, and wanted the ditzy submissive trophy wife type of woman or women that were drama queens and 'challenging' (i.e. *****y, almost abusive at times). Now they are older, they have calmed down a lot and want a woman who is a bit more 'maternal' and able to look after herself rather than just rely on him. Although this tends to skew more towards men that were raised either by single mothers or mothers who took more of a lead in the family.

Obviously this doesn't apply to everyone, and some people change in completely the opposite way. But the above seems to be the general trend among family/friends. The couples where the partner adapted have stayed relatively happy and faithful. Others cheated or divorced. The ones who divorced rather than cheating both seem a lot happier with the new partners.


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