# What would you do/think?



## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

I filed for divorce and did not tell my husband, some of you may have read my posts, not sure. Anyway, I called and told him everything and we are getting along (not sure how much longer that will last), but anyway, we are being honest with eachother and getting along. We have come to the realization that we both wanted this we were just afraid for our daughter and what she would go through. I am relieved that we are getting along and talking, but scared at the same time. I am not sure how much longer this "niceness" is going to go on, because I know it could just drop anytime. Anyway, not why I am writing this...
I went to his house today, I had to give him a few things that I had. He wouldn't invite me in the house, which is not like him. He went in the house to get me something and he told me he had a "friend" (of course she was female) there and I snuck a peak around the corner and I saw red and green. Red for anger, green for jealousy. It hurt seeing her there and knowing she was there. I asked him if he "slept" with her and he told me "no" but would not look me in the eyes, he said she slept on the couch. I just could not believe him, I wanted to, but I couldn't. 
If this happened to you what you do, how would you feel? He can't even wait a month til I am gone and he already has "someone" over there. I know I probably shouldn't feel the hurt or the pain, but I do. I just want to scream or cry or something, but I have to be strong. What do I do?
Thank you for letting me get this out!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Writing about it here is a good way to let it out. Since you wanted out and he admitted he did too, the actual event--seeing her there--doesn't mean much. You may have sensed that he was pulling away some time ago, that affected how you treated him, the cycle got started and, boom, you are both ready to go your separate ways. 

One thing is for sure: what he is doing is not the best choice, esp. if he has someone "staying" there. Jumping into something new is going to land him in a new nest of problems and he'll never be a happy person if he doesn't take the time to learn to love himself first. So, if anything, his situation may be a little bit pitiful. It is NO reflection on you--he clearly has a lot of growing to do. 

FWIW, I'm in the same situation--I wanted the divorce, and the ex had hooked up with someone before the final decree. I was relieved, actually. I find it hard to stop feeling responsible for him; now he is someone else's problem. 

As for "she slept on the couch." Please. Remember, don't ask questions unless you really want the answer! Does it really matter, now that you are going to be free?


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## Carefulthoughts (Jan 21, 2010)

I got to +1 sisters comment.


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## onelonelymom (Feb 3, 2010)

Yes he was pulling away, but I was too. We both have realized that we are in agreement about wanting the divorce and we are still talking and continue to want to be friends. 
I can't help but feel sorry for him that he can't wait to be with someone, but then again it kinda confirms that he might have been cheating the whole time. Kinda makes me sick actually, but feel so dadgum hurt at the same time. 
I know better than to ask questions if I don't want the answer, but I had to ask anyway, even though I knew he was going to lie to me. I just can't seem to get it off my mind. 
Thank you so much for your replies, it means so much to me.


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