# Lost..Confused..



## pixiestarr104 (Aug 12, 2009)

I'm new to this whole thing but I need an outside opinion..

So the other night me and my husband threw a party for my birthday.. Well as the night went on one of my oldest good friends had become very flirty with my husband.. Everywhere I found her I found my husband.. Honestly I did not see my husband once.. Well I watched him walk into our bedroom and few seconds later I watched her walk into there as well when I went in there I found her laying on top of him so I walked out.. Well she went to walk outside he went to follow her and I asked him if he has follow her every where she goes and he said all mad telling me he was going outside to have a cigarette.. Well later on that night I couldn't find anybody and my cousin said they were all by my husbands truck so I go out there to find my husband with his hands on her ass trying to put her on his truck! Well I found out she was taking some dirty pictures on his truck in front of all my family and friends and on top of it he wants all of them.. But than when I attempt to get on the truck I get yelled at because he doesn't want me to mess it up.. Than I also find out during that night he had called her into our bedroom and she proceeds to tell him that its ok if they slept together and he just walked away from it.. Than again in front of both of them I had told them obviously you guys have something going and that if you guys want it that bad than just do whatever you guys have to do I don't care anymore.. I was just irritated and upset with the situation.. I got tired of walking into my bedroom and seeing them in there on my bed just laying there... He says that he did nothing wrong but in my eyes he led her to believe that it was ok... And that me and everyone else who saw all this is just making it up to mess with him.. And I asked him if why didn't stop this behavior he couldn't answer me but he chose to protect her than protect me.. Do I have a reason to be upset? I dont know what to do.. I took my daughters and left but ended up right back here...


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Give me a break. You found her laying on your husband in your bedroom and you just walked out?

What is wrong with you? 

You should have thrown her sorry ass out of your house right away. Instead, you pretend to be helpless and let this go on.

And then you gave him permission to do whatever he wants.

Honestly, between the way you have no respect for yourself and the way your husband and friend have no respect for you, this is about you more than anything. 

Your husband is a first class jerk. That's a given. 

But you have some real self-esteem issues. And when you get those fixed, you'll stop questioning your own thinking and you'll just kick him to the curb.


----------



## pixiestarr104 (Aug 12, 2009)

i know i have self esteem issues and thats thanks to him! making me feel like i'm never good enough or never look good enough and all his put downs.. like his answers are consistent.. one minute it was all her than the next minute its all me and i'm making this situation worse than what is it.. hes trying to cover up both their actions just so he wouldn't start a fight between me and my friend and i asked him why is he trying to protect her and make up excuses he has no answer.. this isn't the first time he has done this... he went to japan with his band and he told me that the other guys invited some girls back to their room and got them drunk and got them to do stuff with eachother and when i asked him why couldnt he leave his reason was that is was his room and he shouldn't have to leave his room... than there was a time with a stripper where he had his hands all over her and when i asked him about he lied to me and said he never touched her but than truth came out and his excuse for that was that he put his hands there but in my head he didn't have to keep his hands on her body... and now this... i am so at the point with him where i just don't care anymore what he does... i know i'm not perfect and i know we have our problems but this is just the icing on the cake! happy birthday to me they ruined it for me!


----------



## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Don't you see that because you stay with him, you are giving him permission to treat you this way. 

You need to get out of this marriage. Who knows what you'll end up with STD-wise. And if those are the things you *know* about, I can't imagine what you don't know about.

This guy is no good. He has no respect.

I'd also tell your friend she is no longer welcome in your home. You need to stand up to all of the people who harm you.

If you can afford it, get into therapy and deal with the things you need to deal with so that you can plan an exit strategy. You deserve so much more than a guy who cheats and then acts like you're crazy. You don't need someone to undermine your thinking. 

Stick to your guns. What he did was wrong. And he owes you a HUGE apology. And then he needs to change his behavior if he wants to stay married. If he won't behave properly toward you, he should go.


----------

