# How to afford the separation...



## californianredhead

Mt husband makes the money. 
I am a stay at home mother.
I don't have money and have to ask for it when I need it. 
If it comes to a separation...I would move out.
How does this work? Money-wise?


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## freeshias4me

That's what I came on here to find out!


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## Brewster 59

californianredhead said:


> Mt husband makes the money.
> I am a stay at home mother.
> I don't have money and have to ask for it when I need it.
> If it comes to a separation...I would move out.
> How does this work? Money-wise?


Uhhh, get a job?


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## californianredhead

Uhhh...I never thought of that! Thank you or your incredibly thought out and helpful answer.

Of course, the money I would make would barely cover the rent and utilities let alone childcare. And I would like to be able to eat every now and then.

I could prostitute myself I suppose, teach my child the hardships of the world.

People on here are asking (nay begging) for HELP. If you have nothing to offer then...don't.

Yours truly,

CR


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## Wisp

I have seen on this site that the spouse has been paid a monthly stipend until she was sufficient trained to be employed or depending how long they were married for qualified for spousal support (no children involved). 

In one thread there was mention of $2000 per month, I guess it depends on your H’s earnings and if you qualify. 

I understand as well that if you start College/ University during the marriage the cost thereof has to be born by the wage earned even if you separate. 

The real answer will be a local lawyer who specialises in this.


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## greeneyeddolphin

Yes, the obvious answer is get a job, but as OP has already said, it won't cover anything, and plus I'm sure she's smart enough to have already figured that out. 

Most of the time, in a divorce, as a sahm, you would ask for and get alimony, which would help you pay the bills. You will also be entitled to child support, which also will help pay the bills. In a separation, I *believe* you can request that he pay you a certain amount each month to help you out, but I'm not entirely sure on that. 

My question to you is: why are you going to be the one to move out? Especially if it's just a separation at present, I would think for the sake of your children, you should stay in the home, keep things as normal as possible for them. Give that a little more thought before you make a decision on it, ok?


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## Brewster 59

californianredhead said:


> Uhhh...I never thought of that! Thank you or your incredibly thought out and helpful answer.
> 
> Of course, the money I would make would barely cover the rent and utilities let alone childcare. And I would like to be able to eat every now and then.
> 
> I could prostitute myself I suppose, teach my child the hardships of the world.
> 
> People on here are asking (nay begging) for HELP. If you have nothing to offer then...don't.
> 
> Yours truly,
> 
> CR


HMMM, Im sure if you are just looking for a way to keep your current lifestyle(husbands paycheck) while throwing him out, why do I think he wont be cooperative to that thought! I dont think I would be either.


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## unbelievable

If there are minor children involved or if the separation is due to abuse, in my state you can petition for an order of protection in which a judge will order him to pay for the family's support even though he's not living in the home. In my state, it doesn't matter who's name is on the lease or mortgage or who earned what. Property acquired during the marriage is equally owned by both parties.
Whatever support you get won't sustain you completely or forever. You'll need to eventually find some sort of job to make up the difference.


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## freeshias4me

Brewster, if you are going to only ASSUME what a person wants, you are NO HELP to them.

Congrats to the original poster for speaking up for yourself!

I am a Stay-at-home mom, too, and I LEGITIMATELY want to know the details of this topic, too...NOT someone's assumptions.


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## nice777guy

Not sure that Brewster was as sensitive as possible, but you very well may have to get a job.

You are talking about living in two different places - 2 cable bills, 2 electric/phone bills, etc.,

I've done a lot of reading on the topic but don't have any real experience.

I wholeheartedly agree with the poster above who is asking you to reconsider who is staying and who should go. Once you leave the house, it can be very hard to get back in. And - assuming that you are trying to keep the kids - being able to stay in their home will be good for them given everything else that is about to change.

Why are you considering leaving? Were you planning to take the kids with you? Does your husband also want a divorce?


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## californianredhead

Okay - thanks or the replies everyone. Here I am going to address the questions raised in your responses...

If "looking to keep my current lifestyle" means a roof over our head and food then yes, that's what I am looking to do. The assumptions of a bitter man do not help anyone, especially themselves. I am also not looking to "throw him out", which was quite clear in my first post. Anyway...

First of, I just want to clarify that I am thinking about a separation. That's all. 

Moving out - We rent. We have always rented. We have lived in 4 different states (and about 6/7 homes) in the past 4 years. We are a nomadic family it seems! I feel that I should move out because I am the one "wanting" this. I also feel no attachment to our home or the things in it. Having somewhere, some sanctuary, where we could go to regroup feels like a dream to me, to get away from this stuff, this air, these walls.

My daughter in 15 months old. She would come with me. 

We are locked in a lease and someone would have to stay with this house and get a room mate. I think it would be better if my husband stayed here and my daughter and I got a 1 bed apartment very close by. 

I will not be trying to keep my daughter. I will be keeping her. We both agree on that.

My husband does not want a divorce.

I am aware that eventually i will have to work. I was just wondering how the interim period works.

Anyway, in our session last week he stated that if we did spilt up he would make sure that I was taken care of, in order to take care of our daughter. So I feel a bit of relief now.

I don't know, counselling continues. It just worries me that when we unearth a problem, it seems to bring up about 5 more problems. We are like an infinite russian doll of issues!

I am concentrating on getting myself happy and grounded. Been going to yoga and getting out of the house more. 

Thank you again or your replies.


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## nice777guy

Wondering what you hope you will accomplish by separating?

Seems like more often than not, separation is just a lead-in to divorce. Once people get that space, they don't want to give it back.


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## stophurting_83

In my case I have 4 children, was a housewife for 10 yrs. I separated from my husband because of abuse. I had no where to go, he had no idea I wanted to leave but it took a good beat down during pregnancy, for me to understand I needed to protect myself. I went to a good friends house where she told me to apply for welfare. I did that qualify instantly. You should do that. Helped me out a lot. I found a job as a customer service representative, good job. I've been separated since July on my own, this was the last month I asked for cash aid, because i don't need it anymore. But it helped a lot. It's been hard but if you have the will power you can make it on your own especially if you only have 1 child. I have a single w/ a queen size airbed and a stove. I lost the "husband's lifestyle" but at least my kids and myself are happy. If it worked for me it can work for you. But like the post above said: Think about it really hard because it does not come easy. Good Luck


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## COGypsy

If what you're seriously considering is separation or divorce, why don't you start looking for a job now? How long has it been since you've worked? Even if you had just a part-time job, you'd be getting out of the house more for sure, could get a little nest egg of your own going and be in a much better position to start off when you leave. Maybe a little more independence would freshen the air and and open up the walls some? 

In your original post you said that he has all the money and you have to ask him for it when you need some. If you had your own money and could leave if you wanted to, without permission or a handout from him, it might make staying to work on things easier.

It would give you more choices, and sometimes just having the choices there makes things a lot better.


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## Brewster 59

freeshias4me said:


> Brewster, if you are going to only ASSUME what a person wants, you are NO HELP to them.
> 
> Congrats to the original poster for speaking up for yourself!
> 
> I am a Stay-at-home mom, too, and I LEGITIMATELY want to know the details of this topic, too...NOT someone's assumptions.


Actually if you read my post you will see that it says " IF you are looking to keep your current lifestyle" Getting a job is about the only way for most people to be able to do that unless hubby makes serious bank and even then there will be sacrafices that have to be made.

The fact is not to many people will be willing to go to work and fork over their paycheck and if you want facts of how to recieve support or on what your rights are you need to consult an attourney as all anyone here can do is relate their experiences and those experiences will vary from state to state.


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## Brewster 59

stophurting_83 said:


> In my case I have 4 children, was a housewife for 10 yrs. I separated from my husband because of abuse. I had no where to go, he had no idea I wanted to leave but it took a good beat down during pregnancy, for me to understand I needed to protect myself. I went to a good friends house where she told me to apply for welfare. I did that qualify instantly. You should do that. Helped me out a lot. I found a job as a customer service representative, good job. I've been separated since July on my own, this was the last month I asked for cash aid, because i don't need it anymore. But it helped a lot. It's been hard but if you have the will power you can make it on your own especially if you only have 1 child. I have a single w/ a queen size airbed and a stove. I lost the "husband's lifestyle" but at least my kids and myself are happy. If it worked for me it can work for you. But like the post above said: Think about it really hard because it does not come easy. Good Luck


Kudos to you, this is an awesome post, and shows what can be done. I hope in the near future you get the support you deserve from your hubby. Welfare will go after Hs paycheck.

Good Luck to U and yours.


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