# How long did it last for you?



## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

I am looking for how long your anger lasted towards your cheating spouse, whether you are separated, considering or going through a divorce now.

My anger is eating me up and I am not sure how to move forward so I'm just kind of looking to see if I am where I'm suppose to be in consideration of time.

Thanks


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

I stoped when I realized he just plain ole didn't give shyt. I was letting him hold all the power of my mood and disposition. He don't want to hear it and I have no need to say anything nice ;o( or mean to his azz. If I am so forgettable, so is he.


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## maxter (May 24, 2011)

Hard to say for me. My WW had a long term affair for 3 1/2yrs during which there were many D days. So I've had my heart ripped out and hope dashed too many times to count. 

After the last D day in Aug, the one that finally killed our marriage, I finally got the courage and strength to file for D. Since that time my emotions have been on a super roller coaster of up, downs, and twists. Until just recently, I had a lot of anger and resentment boiling out of my blood toward the STBXW. Only within the past week have I begun to feel less anger and more positive about my future without her. Probably because I'm starting to make progress within the D process. I've separated bank accounts, closed all joint cc accounts, been looking for a place to live, sold my classic car to generate cash to pay off our remaining cc debt and leave us each some money to start our separate lives. It's hard to describe but letting go of and selling my beloved muscle car seems to have flipped a switch inside me and I'm looking forward more than behind me now. I just hope the feelings continue in this direction.


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## upset/confused (Jul 26, 2011)

@maxter..I can relate on the possessions. I started selling my things because I can buy new ones once I relocate. It finally clicked for me that they were just items with memories attached. Not all good ones and not all bad. So it hurt to let them go but felt better too.

I just don't know how to funnel this anger away. I know this is a process and you must go through each stage, I am just trying to see how long everyone's path took. I know we all have different twists, but just curious.

Thanks for your reply.


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## 20matc11 (Mar 1, 2011)

My anger lasted a lot longer than it should have but that's because I hadn't broken out of the same routine. 

W had unrealistic expectations of how I would handle things after she admitted to cheating. She wanted immediate forgiveness and trust restored. She wanted me to fix the things I did that she claimed caused her to cheat, but I just found out that she is still talking and texting the OM regularly a year and a half later because up until today at 11:00am I was still paying for her phone bill and just saw the records. I could do nothing to fix the situation("too little too late" in her words), but she still wanted me to fight for our relationship(?). So I became very bitter and perhaps resentful. We are now separated. I am working through a lot of stuff but was very angry and unreceptive to what she might have been trying to change, because I felt that she wasn't letting me express my anger or feelings, then saying that I was shutting down and not telling her anything. 

I will be filing soon because I realized that she is still in contact with him outside of work quite often. So for me anger over the cheating has lasted over a year because of the constant reminders. Time to move on, for me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I never really hit the anger stage much. I was just sad. Disappointed. Sad. Teary-eyed. Embarrassed. Humiliated. And sad.

Over time ti's lessened. The scar is still there though. I told him one day "I really hate you sometimes." Yeah.



hesnothappy said:


> I stoped when I realized he just plain ole didn't give shyt. I was letting him hold all the power of my mood and disposition. He don't want to hear it and I have no need to say anything nice ;o( or mean to his azz. If I am so forgettable, so is he.


Love this answer so much.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

It can take a while. Im getting better but it takes all I have some days. Anger is natural I do lots of push ups lol. I messed up yesterday and she asked if I would watch the SS and I said yes and well it just brought all the emotions back so Im not ready to do that again any time soon even though I love him a lot its just not good for my own emotional well being. But do not let the other person know that you are still hurting "smile and even if it kills you smile"


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

I'm not angry any more. I stopped being angry when I forgave him for his EA's, neglect, treating me like furniture, etc. I sort of just clicked and stopped caring about all that stuff.

None of it matters anymore. My long marriage coming to an end makes me sad. All my hopes and dreams for our family's future have been completely obliterated.

I am now in self-preservation mode and will do whatever it takes to ensure me & my child's survival and well-being.


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