# 7 hrs of hell begins at 7pm-but i put myself there



## lmh11706 (Sep 22, 2008)

married 15yrs-known each other for 18

after 3 and a half almost 4 months of my wife separating herself from me and going out every single saturday or friday night since without me-just a couple of her girlfriends,tonight is the hardest for me

thats how my wife and i have fun-we went dancing[disco,dance music] to the clubs weve been goint to for years.im 48 shes 48 but we look much younger.

tonight she is going out for halloween not to one but two clubs-early for happy hour at a place with younger people and then later tonight at a place we always go for older people

she always dresses as a sexy cat-and she dresses in a black lycra body suit that contours to her sexy curvy body and looks amazing-especially with her big blonde hair-and she doesnt want me to be there still-after 4 months-rather be with her friends

and i know its probably all in my head but shes going to get alot of attention tonight from men
not that shes going to do anything about it but shes going to soak it up-especially when im not there

this is the first halloween in 18 yrs we havent gone out together-it hurts alot

and i know the best thing i could do tomorrow morning is not say a word to her about it-just ignore it

you see we are still living together and are not getting divorced-shes says shes just not ready yet to go out drinking and partying with me-being together as a couple yet

a year and a half ago i cyber cheated and although she did this then for a month-she forgave-i thought- and we went a year with no problems-she chose 4 months ago to do this again and now its lasted this long

tonight will be very hard for me

if i didnt do it i wouldnt be writing this now and id be going out with her-its all my fault


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

I'd just like to say that it looks like she has forgave you but she hasn't forgotten. That's how us women work. It takes a long time. Maybe she really needs her space to see what she wants and also "punish " you for a while. By wearing a sexy outfit she knows there will be lots of crazy thoughts going through your head and maybe that's just what she wants. She'll probably spend whole night dancing with her friends and not paying any attention to other men.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

lmh11706 said:


> married 15yrs-known each other for 18
> 
> after 3 and a half almost 4 months of my wife separating herself from me and going out every single saturday or friday night since without me-just a couple of her girlfriends,tonight is the hardest for me
> 
> ...



this post brings up an interesting point for me...how long is longaf?&!ing nuff...

a year and a half! dude, i'm all for patience, leting wounds heal...but a year and a half?

ladies tell me i'm wrong, but you could beat cancer in a year and a half! not ready to go out as a couple???

how long is long enough??? if he's doing the right things, isn't this long enough??? i mean, let's just say he's doing the right things...i mean, she's hung around for a year and a half...
ladies, your answer is anticipated.
thanks.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

*Aceso* said:


> I'd just like to say that it looks like she has forgave you but she hasn't forgotten. That's how us women work. It takes a long time. Maybe she really needs her space to see what she wants and also "punish " you for a while. By wearing a sexy outfit she knows there will be lots of crazy thoughts going through your head and maybe that's just what she wants. She'll probably spend whole night dancing with her friends and not paying any attention to other men.


ok...and that's ok? that's the way to handle this? c'mon!!! :scratchhead:


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

voivod said:


> ok...and that's ok? that's the way to handle this? c'mon!!! :scratchhead:


I never said it's ok but that's how things go most of the time.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

The ONLY thing I can think about is DO NOT have sex with her!! 

She may say she isn't/hasn't...but you don't know. 

It's definately a punishment. 

Well, I say to h.ll with her. 

I'm not saying go get you some...but da.n sure don't give her any until she's proven medically that she's clean. 

Yours was an EA, hers could well be a PA!


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

She didn't say she's sleeping around.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

dcrim said:


> The ONLY thing I can think about is DO NOT have sex with her!!
> 
> She may say she isn't/hasn't...but you don't know.
> 
> ...


naw..i say hit it all ya can...maybe some grudge

i'm sorry, i'm fiesty tonite...got in a bit of a tiff with my separated wife...i'm just about not taking any more of her s#!t

just about.


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

I thought you guys are working it out. And things were going good.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

*Aceso* said:


> I thought you guys are working it out. And things were going good.


us??? i don't know. i'm living so pure, and not getting much back, in my opinion. hang tight, i'm gonna take some little ones trick or treating. i'll update post when i get back.


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

voivod said:


> us??? i don't know. i'm living so pure, and not getting much back, in my opinion. hang tight, i'm gonna take some little ones trick or treating. i'll update post when i get back.


Have fun trick or treating. I forgot it's still Friday in USA. :smthumbup:


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

*Aceso* said:


> Have fun trick or treating. I forgot it's still Friday in USA. :smthumbup:



wait, isn't halloween on march 31st down under? and the favorite treat vegemite?

what was your question? oh yeah, aren't we working things out?

well, you tell me. i'm playing nice 100% of the time. i am a prince, zero alcohol, sincerely worshipping my wife. we get together regularly. but we're still living apart. i get no real indication that we're gonna be back together, except that she still wants to spend time with me. 

tomorrow, for example, we'll spend the day watching our local college football team dominate a rival, have dinner together, then we'll go our separate ways.

my biggest hope is a combination of things. she does spend huge amounts of time with me, as you may know from previous posts. also, she has mentioned recently that she has noticed some improvement in me. she has also made comment that it would be so empty for her if i would have perished from my stroke, she has said stuff about wanting to keep my lawnmower rather than sell it, saying it's "stuff WE will need down the road..." i don't know. sometimes i feel like it's a lost cause, other times i'm real hopeful. probably due to my stroke-affected depression. beth can almost always tell when i'm not on meds, so the depression is real. my biggewst problem is that i cannot accept that i have always been able to BS my way back into her life. this time i can't. also, the reason she stated that she moved out, alcohol, is completely gone from my life since 
may 19th. she also commented recently that one of the reasons she held my old counselor in such contempt was because he "made everything about alcohol." well honey, so did you!

so us working things out??? you tell me.


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## lmh11706 (Sep 22, 2008)

by the way i spoke to my wife over the phone before she left to go out-i was on my way home from work-i said i love you like i always do and she said i love you too i really do-for the first time in 4 months-thats something i can work with i hope


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

voivod said:


> wait, isn't halloween on march 31st down under? and the favorite treat vegemite?
> 
> what was your question? oh yeah, aren't we working things out?
> 
> ...


It was already Sunday morning here when I wrote that post. 
Yeah we have Vegimate here and it's the best thing ever. 

Anyway, back to you. If you have been sober since MAy.....Hmmm That's not that much time really for her but it is a big step for you. Do you know what I mean? My husband used to drink himself stupid for years and then he became mentaly abusive so I told him it's me or alcohol and he alwasy picked me. Noticed how I said "always"? That's because he'd stop for about 6 months and then he's binge drink for months until I got pissed off with him again. In the end it turned out that he was suffering from depression and alcohol and marijuana were his escape. He's on meds now and is doing much better but at the same time I am still on guard and just waiting for him to slip up again. It's always in the back of my mind and I just can't seem to relax about it. Anyway, my point is that maybe your wife is feeling the same. Maybe she wants to make sure that you are going to stay sober and not just for a little while. Maybe it'll take longer then you thought but hang in there. If you still love her, wait and she will come around.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

*Aceso* said:


> It was already Sunday morning here when I wrote that post.
> Anyway, my point is that maybe your wife is feeling the same. Maybe she wants to make sure that you are going to stay sober and not just for a little while. Maybe it'll take longer then you thought but hang in there. If you still love her, wait and she will come around.


but until that, can't i want for a little human respect? a thank you once in awhile. i do ALOT for her. and she knows me. i'm not gonna "slip up."


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

Respect is earned and there is no time limit on how long it takes but if you are really serious about staying sober and you are doing a lot for her it'll happen. Try writing her a letter telling her how you feel but whatever you do, don't say stuff like "I do so much for you...." Instead focus on your feelings (good ones  ) and tell her how much you appriciete what she does for you. I promise, you'll be few steps closer. 
I get mad at my husband when he wants me to thank him every time he does something for me like loading the dishwasher, taking kids to school....Every time? How many times do I do that and no "thank you"?But that's because that's my job, he says. No. That's not my job. I have a full time job and I earn good money there and planty of "thank yous" so this is all "OUR" job.
Do you ever thank your wife? I hope you do. And if not, please start. Not every time but once in a while it's nice to know that it's noticed. Do you know what I mean?


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

voivod said:


> this post brings up an interesting point for me...how long is longaf?&!ing nuff...
> 
> a year and a half! dude, i'm all for patience, leting wounds heal...but a year and a half?
> 
> ...


It totally depends on the situation. In this case after the first time being caught cyber-cheating he was caught again 5 years later. When to counseling but stopped in 08 and lied and was caught lying, again. I think the clock restarted in 08 when caught in the last lie regarding counseling...I can see from her perspective that trust will be very difficult to rebuild at this point...I would have a hard time because I wouldn't want to feel the need to check up on my husband 24/7 or to question whether he's being honest, it's not a healthy way to live. I think the only thing that would help me stay in the marriage would be if he got serious counseling and focused on the secrets/lies/cyber sex and understood where that stemmed from and communicated to me his progress/enlightenment...Then I would see a chance of real change going forward...Otherwise it's 'hey it's been xxx months...aren't you over this yet?' I don't think she's being distant to hurt him...I think she feels hurt and betrayed and is trying to cope the best she can.


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