# Best Friends vs. Wife



## JennyinAL (Jan 1, 2017)

My husband: 40 yr old, 2nd marriage, 1 child
His Best Friend (male): 41 yr old, Never married, >4 kids, lives with his parents



My husband and his best friend have known each other for over 20 years...he has more respect for him than me. My husband was invited to his best friend's birthday party...only guy's to watch football. Ok, no problem. We were really going through a stressful time in our marriage when this party was mentioned. It was so bad that we were complementing separating at that moment. I asked him to stay home so that we could focus on US. I feel our marriage is priority. The next thing he said BLEW my mind...he was choosing to go and the party would be at his best friend girlfriend house. She was going out with her friends so that he could use her place for his party. He felt to reassure me that it was only the guys. Am I wrong for being upset because 1. I met the girlfriend once (and I met the new baby mother once, and his other "lady friends") 2. I don't know where she stay. 3. We have serious problems to handle. 4. All the guys there are single. 5. He came home after 1 am. The thing that really bothers me is...that this best friend hardly attends anything that we host...couples events or family parties. He is always working or has his kids. However that is not my business and my husband is not bothered by it. My husband feels I treat him like a child because I "monitor " where he goes. I just simply think its respect. When you get married you have to surround yourself with people who will also respect your family.

I feel this is not appropriate behavior for a married man. Please help...how would you feel?


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

So he is a mama's boy and a manchild? Why did you marry him (serious question)? From your posts you two don't seem compatible at all.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

EunuchMonk said:


> So he is a mama's boy and a manchild? Why did you marry him (serious question)? From your posts you two don't seem compatible at all.


This. 

But I think you are over reacting about the party. His best friends birthday party to watch a football game and few brews, what's the big deal?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

rockon said:


> This.
> 
> 
> 
> But I think you are over reacting about the party. His best friends birthday party to watch a football game and few brews, what's the big deal?




This ^^^^

There were plenty of other times to work on "US".


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## JennyinAL (Jan 1, 2017)

I married him because he was a great man...and he put me first and treated me like a queen actually. Our problems did not start until after we were married. His mom felt like he was running behind me...her words exactly. She started doing things like going in and out the ER (hospital) for things like choking on a chicken bone and passing out in church and stores for attention. It was getting out of control so I stop feeding into the drama and she really distanced herself from me. We do not have a relationship so this causes tension in our marriage.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So, you have problems with your husband, your husband's mother, your husband's best friend, his best friend's girlfriend and perhaps even the other women in his best friend's life, too?

You know, there's possibly a common factor within all of these situations. But I can't *quite* put my finger on it.

Nope. Sorry.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I doubt your MIL choked on a chicken bone or passed out in church just to get your goat. Everything isn't about you.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

What does "running behind me" mean?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I'm thinking it means pu$$y whipped.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

JennyinAL said:


> I feel this is not appropriate behavior for a married man. Please help...how would you feel?


You guys have some serious *trust* issues going on between the two of you. 

My guess is that if you kicked down the door of the bathroom, and found your husband using his phone to look at porn while moments before he verbally claimed to just be reading the news...










...well then I bet he would loose some of his unrestricted bathroom privileges, and have to surrender his phone before going to the potty again to do #2. 

So in a marriage where is the line between Personal Space, Privacy, Respect, & Trust? If you have problems with this topic, perhaps this is an area you need to work on and read more about!

Badsanta


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I've dated guys that treated me ''like a queen,'' and honestly, that gets old. lol I just want someone to be a true partner, not someone who ''worships'' me, because first...that will never last. It seems like your husband simply took you off of the pedestal he had you on, and you don't like it. What you should want is a true equal partnership. My fiance loves me and would do anything for me, but it's not about treating me like a queen, or me treating him like a king. 

A relationship that has those types of dynamics usually end up imbalanced and unhealthy. Looks like his mother has picked up on that dynamic. You don't want to have a husband ''running behind you,'' you want him walking beside you. 

His mom shouldn't really have control over him either...he's 40, not 16. So, sounds to me like you're married to someone who can't stand up for himself when it comes to the women in his life.


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## Loveontherocks (Oct 17, 2016)

Hi, sorry to hear you're having difficulties. From your post I sense that you could hold resentment towards people who your husband has close relationships with, his best friend, his mother, however, I always think there's usually reasons behind this, something he's done or not done to make you feel that way. 

If it were me I wouldn't have an issue with my husband going to his best friends for his birthday, unless I had reasons to doubt that's what he was actually doing. As for the mother choking on a chicken bone and being in hospital....doesn't sound like a dramatic act to me because if it was all for show she wouldn't end up in hospital. 

You should try to talk with your husband and see if the marriage can be worked on and if youse can't resolve it perhaps counselling should be your next step. Good luck.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

JennyinAL said:


> I married him because I thought he was a great man.


There, fixed that for you.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

> My husband feels I treat him like a child because I "monitor " where he goes. I just simply think its respect.



I've seen marriages that worked both ways. It all depends on the couple. I think he was there a little late. I think he wanted to let the issues go for one day, since you and he were having issues for a little while. I'm figuring you were probably telling him what you didn't like about him and he was listening and doing nothing about it. 

You two are different. There are couples out there who have open marriages and have some form of trust in them with each other's hearts. I'm not sure you two can figure this out unless you both are willing to compromise a little. 

He shouldn't have to give up his friends. You shouldn't have to worry so much. Maybe get a few friends and go watch soap operas together for an evening? He probably wouldn't have a problem with that. If he does, ah oh....get to counseling quick. 

So far, this isn't something to throw away a marriage on. Take your time and get things figured out. Get help from a good counselor. 

Read Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud and Townsend and try to get him to read it too. 

Read The Five Love Languages and again, try to get him to read it too. 

You can get through this if you both want to, or you will end up splitting up if it is not addressed.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

This sounds like you both have some problems. Read His Needs Her Needs to see what a healthy marriage looks like. It sounds like you spend WAY too much time deciding if he's being inappropriate, more than he actually is.


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