# Sensations



## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

A question for women. After the birth of our 3rd child (almost 11 months ago), it seems that my wife's sensations 'down there' are still different. I don't remember it taking so long to recover back to normal-ish in the past two times. Basically she does not orgasm from oral sex anymore. She says her clit feels different (duller). She can come from penetration in 2 minutes if she has to (meaning, if we only have a 10 minute gap while the kids are napping etc, not because of me. I can go for at least 3 minutes..). 
It used to be the other way around: it was much harder for her to come from penetration in the past.
Is there something I or she can do to bring back the sensation? It's a shame because going down on her was one of my favourite things to do in the past and now I can spend 20-30 minutes down there without anything happening much (except a stuck jaw the next day).
It seems a woman's body experiences a massive transformation during/after child birth or is this related to hormones? (She is still breast feeding occasionally).
Or perhaps sexual preferences change over a life-time of a woman? (Mine are still just about the same, as far as I can remember). Any ideas?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

She passed a human through her hoo-haw. That's bound to change stuff.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Thanks, yes I gathered that much. I was just wondering whether these things tend to change back/repair themselves or whether it's likely to stay that way for good as it's been almost a year.
It's not a complaint as such, just curiosity. It's as if the G spot switched places with the other thing.
I suppose perhaps we could ask a doc. Just don't want to go through all the rouble of receiving a generic reply.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Hmmmm. Yeah I only had two, and my stuff all came back the same. Maybe we will get some posters with more kids. Has she asked her gyno this? She should.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Hmmmm. Yeah I only had two, and my stuff all came back the same. Maybe we will get some posters with more kids. Has she asked her gyno this? She should.


Women were made from Adam's rib.

God....God that God that made women was an Artist.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

I cannot speak for her as it's the opposite for me. Before the birth of my third child (a year and a half ago), I could easily reach O through intercourse. Now I no longer can. It has to be through clitoral stimulation. However, I still enjoy, and want, sex just as much.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

It's hard to say as it could be any of the things you mentioned. It may come back or it may not. 

Womens bodies change many times throughout their lifetime. Men's bodies also change as they age. Instead of viewing this change as a problem, embrace it as a blessing. You get to rediscover your wife'sitting new body and you can explore and conguer new territory. Lol

Try different technigues, different kinds of touches, different erotic areas on her body. What does she like now, what feels good. She still orgasms easily. Thats a blessing. Does she still enjoy oral, meaning does it still feel good to her? If so use it as foreplay. Just don't spend a lot of time to the point of causing discomfort to your jaw. Mix things up, Tease her with it and then switch to some other area or activity, then go back, then switch to PIV to take her to an orgasam. Maybe she can multiples now - and after an PIV organism, she may be able to have another one by oral or manual stimulation. Or maybe not. Lots of new territory to explore. Enjoy the journey and don't focus too much on the end point. 

Change is not always a bad thing. Learn to embrace changes - and turn them into an opportunity, cause you both will have a lifetime of them as far as body changes and sex are concerned.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

"Womens bodies change many times throughout their lifetime."

Yes, I think that's what it is and I wonder whether it has to do with birth at all. Maybe it's a bit of everything, as you say. I think there's also a lot of psychological change going on as well; it seems like she is much more secure (sexually) and knows exactly what she wants (and doesn't want). Whereas before it was all different (I was always in charge). Sometimes it's a little intimidating if I am being honest but also kind of exciting.

"Men's bodies also change as they age."

Mine changed nothing like hers (in this sense). Maybe it's still to come but I feel I have exactly the same preferences and sexual appetite as 20 years ago (I am 36). Must be boring for her. Maybe I am a little less frequent now (my frequency is about every 2 days whereas hers is maybe every 4-5 days, depending on point in cycle; around period time, I try to stay away as anything I do (sexually unrelated), annoys the hell out of her and that's when we fight as well. Maybe I am wrong, but it seems hormones play a bigger part in women than in men, for these things.
Anyway, I will try different things and also follow up with the gyno. Thanks.


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

"it seems hormones play a bigger part in women than in men, for these things." Definitely!! Have you heard of PMS??

PMS Is Real And It's Everywhere


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

About trying "different techniques": she actually told me the other day that she thinks "foreplay is a complete waste of time". I don't know if it's because we don't have so many windows to take time and do it properly or if she really feels that way. Most of our sex life used to consist of foreplay in the past. PIV (I hope I deciphered the acronym correctly?) only took place 5% of the time. Now it's 100%!
Maybe I am concerned for no reason but this seems like a major change.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Women change just like dudes but it seems to me you're both now used to getting off as quickly as you can because you don't have that much time to do it.

Yes raising kids/working means everyone at the end of the day is tired etc. Even weekends when there's a bit of free time you're still aware the kids are in the house so that relaxation to get the body loose and receptive is just not there. Meanwhile you're banging it out trying to get her to come and she's trying to get herself up there, it becomes a block especially since she can now get of much quicker to penetrative sex.

Have you tried sending the kids away. Doing the nice hot bubble bath, candles for ambiance, spending hours with oils rubbing and touching but not going down there. 

Essentially switching it up and seeing how it goes. Maybe an encounter like that would create a good memory anchor and from there the next time you go down she'll have a positive memory she can recall and use for stimulation.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

"Definitely!! Have you heard of PMS??"

Yes, I am aware of the hormonal cycle. But (from the link):

"You will not be surprised to know that originally PMS was seen as an imagined disease."

I don't think it's "imagined" but I also am not sure it can actually be classified as a "disease"? If most women (can) have it. It's true that it does make my wife sometimes act "out of character" (but maybe it's all the times around PMS that is not in "character"?? Who can know these things.) and I always felt there was some sort of "animalistic" drive behind all this (because the arguments have no substance) that she can't control with her head.

The only parallel I can find happening with me (when I can't control it with my head, or find it impossibly difficult) is the huge pain I feel when physically rejected, if I approach her. I know, rationally, that is completely irrational and the pain is like a physical reaction. I also absolutely cannot reject her, whenever she approaches me for sex. I always found this asymmetry absolutely mind boggling. 

So my point is, I guess, there must be some things embedded in us from the past, that are beyond the brain's control.

This recent change is perhaps one of those things and a normal part in a woman's cycle.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Personally, things changed ALOT (with my body) after our second child. And there were several factors. I had an episiotomy with the second child, and I had a homonal IUD inserted 6 weeks postpartum. I think the IUD and I were incompatible. I think it dulled my clitoral sensations, and I didn't bounce back as fast (Although i noticed a big difference immediately upon it's removal) I had it removed about 10 months ago, and I feel more like myself now. 

I don't know if your wife is using hormonal birth control, but it can factor into changing sensations.

There are kegel tools that help with regaining vaginal sensitivity, but i don't know if they would do anything for reduced clitoral sensations.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

"Have you tried sending the kids away. Doing the nice hot bubble bath, candles for ambiance, spending hours with oils rubbing and touching but not going down there."

Yes, taking time used to work in the past (although she was always more into role plays / control/mind games etc rather than straightforward sensual stuff: I thought that stuff was only effective in TV/Romcoms? and actual women need a bit more than a bath with candles to get them going? Or maybe it's just my wife. Bath would get her relaxed. But not so much in a sexual way.) 


"I don't know if your wife is using hormonal birth control, but it can factor into changing sensations."

She never used birth control but she is still nursing our youngest one (irregularly) and I read that hormones are still not the same when you are nursing a baby (though she has had her period twice now).
Maybe once she stops breast feeding completely, she might also stop going all John Wayne on me. The only difference with the third birth was that it was a completely natural birth (first two had complications and they weren't vaginal births).


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

inmyprime said:


> A question for women. After the birth of our 3rd child (almost 11 months ago), it seems that my wife's sensations 'down there' are still different. I don't remember it taking so long to recover back to normal-ish in the past two times. Basically she does not orgasm from oral sex anymore. She says her clit feels different (duller). She can come from penetration in 2 minutes if she has to (meaning, if we only have a 10 minute gap while the kids are napping etc, not because of me. I can go for at least 3 minutes..).
> It used to be the other way around: it was much harder for her to come from penetration in the past.
> Is there something I or she can do to bring back the sensation? It's a shame because going down on her was one of my favourite things to do in the past and now I can spend 20-30 minutes down there without anything happening much (except a stuck jaw the next day).
> It seems a woman's body experiences a massive transformation during/after child birth or is this related to hormones? (She is still breast feeding occasionally).
> Or perhaps sexual preferences change over a life-time of a woman? (Mine are still just about the same, as far as I can remember). Any ideas?


My wife had a hysterectomy (fibroids) 5 or 6 months ago, and the feelings haven't come back fully yet. Doctor said it should take about 6 months or so, but there's a small possibility they won't, either.

She says the same thing, it's duller. She's still able to orgasm from oral and PIV, but they're not as strong. She has also yet to recover feeling on one side of her stomach, where they cut her.

One thing the doctor did tell her to do was, believe it or not - have more sex and masturbate often. She hasn't, btw... lol, same old, same old. I guess the idea is that it helps the nerves reconnect quicker or better.

*ETA - it's highly likely your wife has lost sensation due to nerve damage, not hormones. Whether it was a vaginal birth or a caesarian, there's usually cutting involved... My wife had a caesarian 10 years ago, but it didn't seem to do any nerve damage. The hysterectomy was using the same incision point, but wider, and it also obviously involved pulling out internal organs which were connected to her body. Unlike a birth, where the baby is connected to her at one point only. Know what I mean? They also had to cut through muscle, which is where the bulk of the recovery is.

In any case, nerve damage is to be expected. As I said, the doctor told her ~6 months or so to full recovery in terms of feeling, with an outside chance of permanent nerve damage. I believe she was told 8 out of 10 patients can expect complete recovery to where they were before. 1 will not recover full feeling, while (and this is the best part!) 1 will have _better_, post-surgery.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

inmyprime said:


> A question for women. After the birth of our 3rd child (almost 11 months ago), it seems that my wife's sensations 'down there' are still different. I don't remember it taking so long to recover back to normal-ish in the past two times.* Basically she does not orgasm from oral sex anymore. She says her clit feels different (duller). She can come from penetration in 2 minutes if she has to* (meaning, if we only have a 10 minute gap while the kids are napping etc, not because of me. I can go for at least 3 minutes..).
> It used to be the other way around: it was much harder for her to come from penetration in the past.
> Is there something I or she can do to bring back the sensation? It's a shame because going down on her was one of my favourite things to do in the past and now I can spend 20-30 minutes down there without anything happening much (except a stuck jaw the next day).
> It seems a woman's body experiences a massive transformation during/after child birth or is this related to hormones? (She is still breast feeding occasionally).
> Or perhaps sexual preferences change over a life-time of a woman? (Mine are still just about the same, as far as I can remember). Any ideas?


I returned to this older post for reasons unspoken.

While "here" I have an answer.

She does not enjoy sex "now" because of the limited time available, the kids on her mind and in her ears. She cannot relax, unwind.

She is giving you duty sex. She says she is having an orgasm via PIV to please you. And for you to get off, so that she can return to "Mommy" role. 

Not getting off on oral? Same thing....here mind is not at/on her hip level.....it is on her duties as Mom. Many women need to concentrate very intently on their actions while lovemaking. She does not want to take the time to please herself. She does want you to get off and in her. Duty comes first at this juncture covered with fur.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Thanks, it got better shortly after this thread.
The sensations returned and she can now can more or less come from either. And also comes pretty vigorously.
The sex is also pretty regular (almost too regular, because I must have thrown too many hints about it...). 

It seems she can never 'win' with me: no sex/desire means = bad. Regular sex = forced/unnatural. I have no idea how to stop these stupid insecurities from time to time.

For sure, reading the numerous threads here on TAM is pretty depressing and think they possibly fuel some of those insecurities. It makes me realise how fragile every single relationship is. And that you can dress up almost any situation reported here to view in entirely different light. And nothing seems to be more true than the fact that there is no such thing as an 'objective truth' when it comes to relationships. And the more I dig and try to understand what's underneath it all, the more I realise that there is nothing really intrinsically there, that can hold a relationship together forever, unless both work at it pretty hard and keep positive about each others intentions otherwise it can all come crashing down in a matter of seconds.

Kinda sucks.

An example: I was coming back the other day from a tiring trip abroad and texted her beforehand, jokingly, that I was 'going to be in her' whether she was asleep or not, when I came back. Her response was playfully positive (meaning she didn't shut me down).

So back at home we had dinner and there was this 'expectation' in the air to have sex. It was relatively late and she was tired/complained about neck pain a lot etc. I wanted to talk to her and started telling her something about my trip, she cut me off and said if we can go upstairs already because it was getting late.
I felt taken aback a bit. I said that it's ok, and that I preferred if she went to bed if she was tired. Since I was tired too. She took it to mean that I was playing hurt (I wasn't playing hurt, but I *was* actually tired but I was also slightly hurt that the whole thing felt so forced and I would have been more happy if she showed some interest in my life at this particular moment instead). After I said it, she suddenly became a completely different person, totally awake and became really enthusiastic about getting me 'upstairs'. While I was getting more and more annoyed because it became clear it was a control thing.
What happened next, somebody else could easily describe as 'rape' :smile2:

Because basically even though I was protesting (and insisting that I was too tired), she wouldn't let go until i eventually gave in (after 20 mins of fighting). It was like a game for her. And she left being satisfied. Not so much from the sex but from the fact that I gave in.

In the past, I would have felt good and 'manly' about the whole thing but after I read things on TAM, this could easily be viewed as manipulative behaviour (technically, it was unconsented sex though 

I am not so sure I know what is true anymore!


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