# Bedroom time is lacking. Help.



## Unthought Known (Jul 21, 2014)

I'll try not to be too wordy.

Married for over 10 years. Sex is...not great. My wife and I really do not have alone time very often. As you can guess, a HD/LD situation.

But even when we do, it's OK but not really that good. This might be a little TMI, sorry.

Our encounters, as infrequent as they are, are pretty much like this:

1. She gives the go ahead.

2. I may stimulate her with my hand (rarely mouth) but she typically asks for a toy pretty quick. She just likes the small toys that vibrate her clit (can I say that?). She gets off 4 times or more. That part is great.

2a. I *love* to go down on her. Just never lasts long. Not comfortable or my facial hair rubs/pokes her. 

3. Sometimes she'll do oral on me. Maybe 25% of the time.

4. Then she just wants to be bent over (doggie). Nothing else.

5. That's it. 

She's always been like that. We've tried other positions and without going into serious TMI, nothing else works. She's too uncomfortable, it's too painful, or the worst. She can't feel it.  Now, I'm not carrying a knee knocker but I'm OK down there. Have had 4 or 5 other partners and have done it all kinds of ways. Never had an issue.

Honestly, I think our bodies just don't "fit together" quite right. maybe it's my body's fault. Not trying to cast blame. But she has a short build (petite?) but she's a tiny bit on the heavy side . And her legs don't really spread that wide, if that makes sense. She knows this. 

The other girls/women I've been with in the past were all smaller (as in skinny). That's the only thing I can think of that's different. I'm around the same size/weight I've been for ~20 years or so. 

So, I'm not sure why I'm posting. Maybe for suggestions. Maybe just to vent (*not* rant).

I know the frequency of our sessions won't change anytime soon but I sure wish the quality would.

Any thoughts?


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did you have sex with her before you married her? Was she like this back then?


----------



## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

When it's uncomfortable/painful for her, is it well lubricated? I used to think I'd never have sex that didn't hurt until I realized it just wasn't wet enough "down there".


----------



## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

At the risk of shaving your beard, do you think that's really an issue when you go downstairs? Serious question, or an excuse from her.

Only doggie style? What about on your sides? Still entering from behind, but you can grab her parts, her boobs and kiss her at the same time. Maybe do this while toying her? She'll be getting it from all directions at once, it might drive her wild.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

There is a reason why so many women love doggy style, reverse cow girl and woman on top, in that order. These positions tilt her pelvis just at the right angle so her g spot is being engaged. It doesn't have anything to do with your size.

What would you like to do differently? And how exactly does she refuse those other thengs?


----------



## Unthought Known (Jul 21, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Did you have sex with her before you married her? Was she like this back then?


Mostly. But it's gotten worse since we've had kids.



EntirelyDifferent said:


> When it's uncomfortable/painful for her, is it well lubricated? I used to think I'd never have sex that didn't hurt until I realized it just wasn't wet enough "down there".


No, I probably phrased it wrong. It's her body contorting that's painful in some of the positions. Not specifically vagina related pain. Although there may be one or two ways that pokes her insides the wrong way.



Jetranger said:


> At the risk of shaving your beard, do you think that's really an issue when you go downstairs? Serious question, or an excuse from her.
> 
> Only doggie style? What about on your sides? Still entering from behind, but you can grab her parts, her boobs and kiss her at the same time. Maybe do this while toying her? She'll be getting it from all directions at once, it might drive her wild.


I can't really explain the position very well but for me to stimulate her clit with my tongue/mouth, my chin is right near the hole. It rubs her wrong, literally.

Yes, doggie 98% of the time. On our sides has worked a time or two but maybe she's a bit wider than me so the "parts" don't line up and I end up hovering a bit. Maybe that's my fault though.




Anon Pink said:


> There is a reason why so many women love doggy style, reverse cow girl and woman on top, in that order. These positions tilt her pelvis just at the right angle so her g spot is being engaged. It doesn't have anything to do with your size.
> 
> What would you like to do differently? And how exactly does she refuse those other thengs?


She doesn't like it with her on top. Reverse cowgirl she can't even feel me in her. And that's why I said I've been with others and did that just fine. So, I'm not out here to solely blame her but for the most part the only position that works is doggie.
I would just like to be able to do more things in various ways. I'm just venting, as I said. 
She doesn't "refuse" per say. It's just as I mentioned earlier. It's like Standard Operating Procedures. We do this, this and this, and done. If I do try to do something different, it typically is uncomfortable or just doesn't feel good to her, etc.


----------



## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Ok. First are you fit? Are your finances in shape? Do you do your chores? How's your guy game? Are you flirting/securing with your wife? These are standard questions. 

Second, she has orgasms so your good to go in that department. Each sexual partners orgasm is their responsibility. So I think you worry about this too much. 

Read Married Man Sex Life Primer. Stop asking for sex. What you need to get to is a point where you have sex on your terms. There's a difference between "do you want to have sex" and "meet you upstairs at 9 for sex". One she says yes to, the other she says no to. 

Finally, you can get your wife to O. So stop being timid in bed. Sometimes you need to just do what you want to, put her where you want her, and take her to pound town. Hell, you said she already had 4 orgasms! The beard thing, well my wife complains about that too.


----------



## Unthought Known (Jul 21, 2014)

U.E. McGill said:


> Ok. First are you fit?
> 
> Are your finances in shape?
> Do you do your chores? How's your guy game? Are you flirting/securing with your wife? These are standard questions.
> ...


I'm reasonably fit. Might carry an extra 10 lbs or so. 
Finances. Not sure what that has to do with the act of sex. Yes, finances cause issues and that might lead to infrequency (which is a whole nother isssue). 
I'm not worried about her having orgasms. Never said I was.
I don't ask for sex very often at all. Almost never. That's not the issue.
Timid? I'm not timid.
I don't know if you really understood alot of my post. Not trying to be insulting. But thanks for taking the time to reply.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I think what he's getting at is 99% of sex problems are due to things outside the bedroom.


----------



## Unthought Known (Jul 21, 2014)

Hicks said:


> I think what he's getting at is 99% of sex problems are due to things outside the bedroom.


I get that, I really do. We do have problems, doesn't everyone? The infrequency has been an issue. That's something that has come from outside the bedroom. 

The issue at hand is mainly the positions, etc. And again, I know no one here has the magic answer but I had to at least vent out a bit.


----------



## Unthought Known (Jul 21, 2014)

Lila said:


> There are several schools of thought out there to help men address a lack of sex in the bedroom. The questions asked were to address one school of thought, that's all.
> 
> OP, if I understand your post correctly, your concern is less with the quantity but the quality? Are you strictly looking to spice up your sex life?


I really should have titled this thread a bit better. I mentioned I am HD and she's is LD. So, definitely the amount of sex is lacking but that was not the intention of the thread. That's for another day.

As you correctly mentioned, it's the lack of quality that was the purpose of the thread. As far as spicing it up, I don't know. I'll take suggestions but I'm not sure how that would help.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I know your just venting, which is fine. Sounds like you actually have it pretty good, just not quite outstanding.


----------



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Unthought Known said:


> I'll try not to be too wordy.
> 
> Married for over 10 years. Sex is...not great. My wife and I really do not have alone time very often. As you can guess, a HD/LD situation.
> 
> ...


Omg Dude Not sure what you are complaining about ??? Your getting BJ's, Your wife is giving you sex, She like's doggie, You give you Oral, and she come's 4 times. And she like's toys . Not to bad of duty my friend


----------



## Unthought Known (Jul 21, 2014)

Well, I haven't discussed the frequency in depth because I didn't want that to be the point of this thread so it really isn't that often As far as BJ's, 25% of once per month isn't that large of a number. 
Don't get me wrong, some people have it worse. I know I've been for weeks and even a few months without. It doesn't make a very healthy marriage IMO.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Talk to her about your desires and expectations. She should be considerate and not only listen but also take action.

READ: It's NOT just about her....it's about you as well.

You know very well the balance is tipped completely to 1 side, that's never healthy. Nothing is good when taken to the extreme, and you my friend are at an extreme.

Another advice would be to take more control and toss her around a bit/dominate her. Who knows, she might like it!!!


----------



## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

Unthought Known said:


> I'm reasonably fit. Might carry an extra 10 lbs or so.
> 
> Finances. Not sure what that has to do with the act of sex. Yes, finances cause issues and that might lead to infrequency (which is a whole nother isssue).
> 
> ...



I understood 100% what you wrote.

I ask about finances because women are security seekers. If she's worried about having to pay one bill, and hold another bill till next paycheck, well that fücks with her security. 

Banging your wife is an all day thing. If you do things right, you won't have to ask. Fact is, you should never ask. Never. Sex isn't something to be doled out cause your a good little hubby. LD spouses deny two people intimacy, themselves and their spouse. 

Your in a sexless marriage (1-2 times per month). Not good. The book I told you about is a good one. It talks in detail of the things I'm asking about. 

You can't negotiate attraction. You can't make your wife just decide to have monkey sex with you every day. You need to get fit, get your house in order and improve your sex rank. These are why it ask these things. You may get to a point where you can get a woman hotter than your wife, and your wife still has no interest in you. Then it's time to decide, do I stay or go. 

If you do get to the point where she's always game, she'll let you throw her around and do unspeakable things to her. Which makes all your other questions moot. 

So I know exactly what you were saying.


----------



## Unthought Known (Jul 21, 2014)

U.E. McGill said:


> I understood 100% what you wrote.
> 
> I ask about finances because women are security seekers. If she's worried about having to pay one bill, and hold another bill till next paycheck, well that fücks with her security.
> 
> ...


I genuinely appreciate your insight.

My wife has been LD since we dated. Sadly, most of the time I wonder what on earth I was thinking to get married to someone that had a much lower desire than I. Not that I need or want it daily. 

My wife is a worrier no matter what. She has been since we dated. She has gotten significantly worse since having kids. She knows this and is trying to deal with it.

I will definitely look into the book you suggested, thanks.

I'm not out of shape. If anyone is, it's her. And I don't say that to be rude but it's the way it is. 

I can't emphasize it enough, I'm not asking how to get my wife to give it up more often. I'm venting about pretty much only being able to do it doggie, very infrequently getting a BJ, and "sexy" time is almost like checking off items on a grocery list. The same items on the same list. Every. Single. Time.

But again, I appreciate the banter. It does seem to help when I can put this down in writing.


----------

