# If you'd ever remarry, how long would you wait post-divorce?



## SmartAzariel

(I have a long and involved back story here, but don't want it to skew the answers I may get here).

I'm curious about if any of you have self-imposed moratoriums on remarriage. If so, what time period did you choose, and how? If not, why? I guess for my purposes, I'm not needing data points of folks that have said they'd never remarry at all, since I'm specifically curious about the waiting period itself.

Thanks in advance.


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## Cosmos

It usually takes some time to get over a divorce, and I don't think it's wise to jump into another committed relationship inside of about 2 years but, of course it depends on the individual.

I have never remarried, but my ex-husband was in another committed relationship within 3 months and remarried within 9 months. He's now onto wife number 3...


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## SmartAzariel

Cosmos said:


> It usually takes some time to get over a divorce, and I don't think it's wise to jump into another committed relationship inside of about 2 years, but of course it depends on the individual.


Ok, thanks for your input!
I realize that the situation I'm thinking about specifically is much messier (relationship #2 started prior to relationship #1 being officially over. It has been around 3 years since the end of #1, about 4 years since the beginning of #2. Some overlap there that adds complexity). So...I'm thinking that maybe I'll need to make a post with more detail or something...Nothing I do is ever straightforward I guess


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## Cosmos

SmartAzariel said:


> Ok, thanks for your input!
> I realize that the situation I'm thinking about specifically is much messier (relationship #2 started prior to relationship #1 being officially over. It has been around 3 years since the end of #1, about 4 years since the beginning of #2. Some overlap there that adds complexity). So...I'm thinking that maybe I'll need to make a post with more detail or something...Nothing I do is ever straightforward I guess


Yes, that would make a difference, because the likelihood of a rebound relationship is ruled out.


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## Paradise

I'm assuming you are saying you were having an affair for a year prior to the end of your marriage? If I'm wrong then I do apologize and to be honest I'm not judging you one bit if you were. This actually did happen to me, though. My ex was in an EA/PA for over a year before we divorced and moved in a few months after and then married a tad over a year post divorce. It has obviously worked well for them thus far. 

I on the other hand, am taking my sweet time dating and have not even started to think about possibly marrying again anytime soon.


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## sisters359

Marriage to an affair partner has the highest failure rate of all marriages. Not sure if that is what you are asking about, and more clarity would be helpful. 

I personally think it is a really big mistake to leave a marriage for another person. For one's own mental health, you should take as long as it takes to learn to love being on your own. Then you will only give up that freedom for someone really special, who adds so much to your life that the conflict is worth it--and worth the loss of freedom. 

I've read that the "standard" is one year of being single for every 5 years married--but for longer marriages, like 15+ years, that seems a bit off. Maybe 3 years for 15 years of marriage, and then a couple of days for each year thereafter? 

I will add that I am only entering my 3rd year as a single person, and I wanted to be single--and it was not easy. I'm still dealing with fallout, so to speak, but more financial and logistical than emotional. I imagine that a person who did not want to divorce might be on a different timeline, needing more time to adjust emotionally and before beginning the serious rebuilding--not the "getting by""--of a new life. 

Wait, what was the question?


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## nice777guy

:rofl:

:rofl:

Remarry?!?!

:rofl:

:rofl:

Sorry...


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## 23YearWife

I'm considering remarriage, too, and nice777guy, I appreciate your response!


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## Matt1720

I would wait until everyday was as good as the previous one, when i felt the feeling i was HOPING my first marriage would be/bring.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I remarried 5 years after my divorce. My husband was divorced less then a year. He was still talking to his ex w as friends. That stopped immediately once we were engaged.

I honestly do not believe their should be a set time after leaving one relationship before heading into another. My husband and I are extremely compatible and get along very well. We've had a wonderful marriage so far. These last 13 years with him have been the best of my life!


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## 23YearWife

Oh, you mean marry a different person? Sorry. For me, never! Unless of course he happened to be my soul mate, in which case, immediately. In short, there are no rules. I'd say if you've given it at least a year, just follow your heart. If your heart is undecided, wait until it's not.


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## Jellybeans

I've never tought about how much "time" to wait to remarry but that's mostly cause I doubt I'd ever want to remarry. 

I say at least wait a YEAR after divorce to date. But who knows. Not everyone heals at the same pace.

To each their own. 

I would say definitely wait until you are completely over your ex, the divorce and have worked on yourself and have come out with a lot o clarity from the wreckage that is divorce.


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## Jellybeans

nice777guy said:


> :rofl:
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> Remarry?!?!
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> Sorry...


What he said.


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## WomanScorned

I would wait at least a year. And any new relationship would have to go slowly. I'm in a relationship like that now, and I can't imagine marriage for a couple of years, at least. Maybe never. I haven't decided yet whether or not I want to subject myself to all that again.


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## hunter411

This is a very good question. After my first divorce I set a rule of nothing serious for at least 2 years, and forget about marriage again. Looking back, I think that was a huge mistake. Because of my self imposed timelines, I think I missed some great opportunities with some great women. I did remarry and had 10 of the best years of my life. This time around? No rules, no timelines, no expectations or preconceived milestones. I just plan to go out and enjoy myself. If someone special comes along, great, if not, I will still be out there having a great time. The most important thing I learned the last time? Never say never.


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## In_The_Wind

I waited 5 years and I agree that people should take some time to get to know themselves again however long that may be for some its a 1 year, I read somewhere that it takes a minimum of like 20% of the time you where in your last relationship to get over it example 5 yrs would equal 1 year. I have seen instances where a person hops from one relationship to another immediately finding themselves in the same situation the only thing that changed were the names just my opinion


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## Monty4321

I'd say at least a year. Nothing wrong with dating during that time IMO. 

Everyone heals differently.


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## ScarletBegonias

I don't have a timeline. Right now I'm incredibly skeptical on the concept of everlasting love.I don't see remarriage in my future.

I DO however see many fun days filled with purpose,margaritas,and sleeping soundly at night.


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## Jellybeans

ScarletBegonias said:


> I don't have a timeline. Right now I'm incredibly skeptical on the concept of everlasting love.I don't see remarriage in my future.
> 
> I DO however see many fun days filled with purpose,margaritas,and sleeping soundly at night.


The life


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## docj

23YearWife said:


> I'm considering remarriage, too, and nice777guy, I appreciate your response![/QUOTE
> 
> 23 yr wife hi. When did you divorce
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *LittleDeer*

I've been separated quite a long time, however that has no bearing on my decision.

If you fall in love, then you fall in love. If you meet someone great then you meet someone great. There are no rules.

I would also never let someone from my past dictate my future. I may learn from them and my past relationships. I would also never punish a potential life partner (husband) because of the past. It might make me wary of red flags, but if I don't get those I am happy to go full steam ahead.


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## LonelyNLost

I don't think there's a timeline, and I think everyone is different. Take some time to get to know yourself, and to make sure you really know that person and that you're both committed. Marriage in general is a crapshoot. I bet most of us thought our marriages would last forever and were so sure the first time around. But then we're all here. According to the relationship experts, in ANY relationship, you should wait past the 2 year mark before marrying, as that's when the "in love" feeling starts to fade and you see if you're meant for the long haul.


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## OhhShiney

LonelyNLost said:


> I don't think there's a timeline, and I think everyone is different. Take some time to get to know yourself, and to make sure you really know that person and that you're both committed. Marriage in general is a crapshoot. I bet most of us thought our marriages would last forever and were so sure the first time around. But then we're all here. According to the relationship experts, in ANY relationship, you should wait past the 2 year mark before marrying, as that's when the "in love" feeling starts to fade and you see if you're meant for the long haul.


IMHO any timeline is relative. 

I was in a 30 year unhealthy relationship that I stayed in for the wrong reasons for many years past it's expiry date. The marriage was essentially over for the last 10 years. Therefore, the "in love" feeling was long gone by the time I sought to leave for my own health. I had already spent the time within the relationship "finding myself," and when I finally did, I realized any feelings about my ex were long gone. I had already gone through the whole mourning, anger, pain, cycles; I had made major changes in my career and leisure time activities while remaining in a crappy marriage. I stayed "for my child," which was not the best reason to stay. I had remained sexually faithful, though I think I developed an EA with my right hand as a way to keep sane. 

After I finally moved out, I thought I'd remain single for a long time. 

I met someone within a few months, and remarried less than 18 months after my separation,a few months after the divorce was final. 

Was my wait a few months, 18 months, or 10 years? 

My marriage was essentially over many years before it officially ended. We had been out of love for years, we were essentially room mates. I DO wish I had the courage to leave earlier, I seriously DO regret not ending it sooner for a bunch of reasons. 

HOWEVER, I do NOT regret getting remarried so soon. 

Marriage is a crapshoot, and "true love" IS hard to find. I was told by a therapist that I would be NUTS to apply an arbitrary waiting period, such as 20% of the length of the marriage before committing myself. 

So, IMHO, the best answer is "it depends." If your relationship ended unexpectedly due to some sort of an affair or other painful discovery, it may well take a few years to get over it.


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## thunderstruck

After nearly 20 years of this, I don't think I'll ever get married again. I'm going to become a permanent man-ho instead.


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## frigginlost

I'd go all in again with the right girl. I refuse to become bitter. At times it's tough not to be. But give me a girl who I connect with, and I would walk the plank... er... I mean Isle again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mamatomany

I had a good marriage for most of it and am ready when the opportunity comes along again. There's no rule and no timeline. I have told a couple of guys I dated that I anticipate that 2014 will be a big year for me  We laugh about it, but I could see it. I also don't use the state's definition of divorce, I would go from the date that I became emotionally divorced rather than when the judge says "you are divorced." So maybe spring break 2014 I will have a wedding - lol - that's 2 yrs from my emotional divorce. 

Actually my mom told me not to get re-married just live w/ the man at least to try it out before an actual marriage. I have young children and would consider it possibly but what message does that send? Plus my job may question it to. I do already have the basics of my next wedding planned in my head - lol- I know it's crazy! Btw my D isn't even final yet we are still negotiating, but no longer have to wait other than negotiate and judge signing. 

I know I am insane.


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