# Code words or special touching to initiate sex.



## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

I have heard about using a special touch or a word or phrase or signal that means that one spouse is interested in sex.

How does this work? How is this any different than coming out and clearly just asking "do you want to have sex?"

I just don't understand. If I'm missing the idea behind this please elaborate for me.


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

How about the even clearer " I want to have sex" ?


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## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

Winks, wiggling eyebrows at each other, soft touches to the neck or shoulders. Passionate kisses. Grabbing a boob. That is usually how sex is initiated here.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

hahaha. When we were dating, my husband asked what I wanted to do one night while has was trying to kiss me. So I told him I wanted to play chess. That I LOVED playing chess. 

Soooo......that is how the code word was born LMAO. Its kinda fun, since I can say it in front of anyone. What are you doing later? Gonna go home and play some chess with the hubby. Hehehe. The H will ask me what I want to do for the day. Play a little chess, eat a sandwich.....


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

MAEPT10 said:


> I have heard about using a special touch or a word or phrase or signal that means that one spouse is interested in sex.
> 
> How does this work? How is this any different than coming out and clearly just asking "do you want to have sex?"
> 
> I just don't understand. If I'm missing the idea behind this please elaborate for me.


I understand that some people are uncomfortable with directly asking (particularly some women), so they agree on certain signals or phrases ("want to meet me upstairs tonight?") that mean the same thing without saying "do you want to have sex."

There are also unconsious signals, such as what Dean mentions. Signals that you don't realize you are sending, where you partner realizes that you want sex based on the action or words you are using. My wife has them. When she touches me in certain ways, she is signaling that she is up for sex. I am not entirely sure she knows she does it, but it is there. Of course, sometimes she flat out says we will be having sex (she never seems to ask, perhaps because I don't turn her down).


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

This just kind of happens without any real prior discussion.

For instance when my wife puts her hair up when she`s getting ready for bed I know she wants sex.
She unconsciously puts her hair up because it gets in the way when she goes down on me.

On the flip side when she wears her tiny little boy shorts to bed I know she`s not wanting sexual intimacy because she only wears them when she`s not feeling well as they support her ab muscles which often cause her trouble due to some female problems she`s having.

I once told her about these signals and she was kind of flabbergasted that I had drawn those conclusions but eventually she saw the pattern was true.

Funny thing is just the other night she put those little shorts on before bed and I figured it wouldn`t be a good night to come on to her.
But..when she came out of the bathroom she had her hair up AND the little shorts on.

Totally ****ed me up, I hadn`t a clue what was going on.

She found my asking about it very funny...then we had sex.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

we have our own secret sex language...like dawn, it just came from silliness, and being a teenager.

we can talk about sex, bjs, in public and nobody knows what we are talking about.

at home its more subtle, just sooo...followed by a arm brush. if it is brushed off or shrugged of, than its not gonna happen.

we do flat out ask for sex or bjs, but more often we use our "code" words and watch body language.


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## MAEPT10 (Oct 19, 2011)

Tacoma, sort of like that movie when the girlfriend or wife puts on her sweats and ties the draw-string he knows he isn't getting any. LOL he has to make it home from the office before she puts her sweats on.

I have no signals that I can pick up on with her regarding when she is wanting some sex. Our schedules differ so she is more tired than me when she gets home because she gets home late. We shower at different times (me morning everyday regardless if I shower at men's league night before or with her before bed). She'll shower whenever its convenient during the day or before bed for the next day. So I can't nail down like if she shaves her legs and her who-ha when she wants to do it, if that is a trend or something. [I guess for it to be a trend, sex would have to happen on some kind of steady basis though.]

At night when she showers I sit in anticipation hoping that she will surprise me and come out of the bathroom in her birthday suit and flirt with me or start things up. I guess she is getting to be too shy about that crap. She'll end up coming out in my boxer shorts or sweats and a huge t-shirt. Still sexy to me, cause I know what is underneath, but I don't think she is ready to do anything. 

I've tried brushing my teeth at night and using mouth wash as a sign to her I want to have sex. She didn't pick up on it. 

I've tried shaving my face at night, standing stark naked after a shower, with the door wide open so she can see me standing there. (it worked only once)


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

My man likes to get his hands really cold under the water, come to bed and touch my legs. It's fun.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

I don't consider myself a prude, but I do find it hard to just come right out and say "I'd like to have sex tonight". So instead I'll put on some lingerie that I know he likes and then make sure he catches a glimpse, or I'll tell him I'm going to bed and ask him if he'd care to join me. 

My favorite "subtle hint" of his is when he asks me if he can "show me something in my size". Still makes me laugh every time.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

MAEPT10 said:


> Tacoma, sort of like that movie when the girlfriend or wife puts on her sweats and ties the draw-string he knows he isn't getting any. LOL he has to make it home from the office before she puts her sweats on.
> 
> I have no signals that I can pick up on with her regarding when she is wanting some sex. Our schedules differ so she is more tired than me when she gets home because she gets home late. We shower at different times (me morning everyday regardless if I shower at men's league night before or with her before bed). She'll shower whenever its convenient during the day or before bed for the next day. So I can't nail down like if she shaves her legs and her who-ha when she wants to do it, if that is a trend or something. [I guess for it to be a trend, sex would have to happen on some kind of steady basis though.]
> 
> ...


My wife won't do the things you are asking for very often. I have to pursue her, and recognize if she is giving me the sign that I should keep going. Also, hop in the shower with her. See if you can't get things moving from there.

You also need to start a lot sooner than right before bed. Touching (sexual and non-sexual), flirting, etc. start at dinner, that morning, even the day before. 

The hardest part is learning from the rejections. I think she is interested, make an effort, and get a rain check. I then spend a chunk of time thinking about what signals she was sending and what I missed. Same with when she accepts.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I've read before about if one or both spouses were really hesitant about initiating (and potentially getting rejected), that they could set up a 'signal' between the two. For instance, they could each have an object, such as a pretty rock, that they could set out on the dresser when they felt like they were in the mood for sex. If both objects appear on the dresser, then it's on.

That's kind of similar to the '40 Beads' method.

He Wants Sex, She Doesn’t. Are Beads the Answer? | Healthland | TIME.com

I guess that assumes that you are both equally in to trying to make the relationship work and making sex a priority, so that one person's rock or bead doesn't just sit there lonely all the time collecting dust.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When we go to lay down for bed, if we snuggle front to front, sex is on.

If we spoon, sex is off....at least until we get a little nap. Many times, we'll fall asleep, wake up a few hours later, at sex is on. LOL


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Tall Average Guy said:


> My wife won't do the things you are asking for very often. I have to pursue her, and recognize if she is giving me the sign that I should keep going. Also, hop in the shower with her. See if you can't get things moving from there.
> 
> You also need to start a lot sooner than right before bed. Touching (sexual and non-sexual), flirting, etc. start at dinner, that morning, even the day before.
> 
> The hardest part is learning from the rejections. I think she is interested, make an effort, and get a rain check. I then spend a chunk of time thinking about what signals she was sending and what I missed. Same with when she accepts.


:iagree:

This is very good advice. Your wife is very lucky! You don't sound 'average' at all.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

any sexy touch is sexy any sexy word is sexy any hand to skin not on the arms or legs is all systems go.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> :iagree:
> 
> This is very good advice. Your wife is very lucky! You don't sound 'average' at all.


I was not this aware early in our marriage. Those not so good times average out where I am now!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

During the day, Hubs or I will grab the other's hand and drag him/me to the bedroom/bathroom/wherever.

We're good with quickies when we need to be


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## SecondTimesTheCharm (Dec 30, 2011)

If I see that my wife has turned on a couple dimly lit lamps in our room, that is usually a good sign that she is in the mood. Those lamps are just bright enough for very soft mood lighting.

But, when I am horny (DAILY), I will initiate sex and more often than not at least be tucked in by my wife with a BJ or a handjob. 

However, I know that she is all in when we are both showered and I come out of the shower to find our bedcovers pulled and those little lamps on.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

My ex and I used to have a little noise we made that was sort of like saying "nookie" with your mouth closed. It was cute and endearing, because one of us would say it with a question intonation and then the other would repeat or decline. I actually prefer my current relationship where we are both up for it all the time and in the rare occasion someone isn't, we just communicate that in a mature way.


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