# I need HELP. NEED to leave, though torn because of step-son



## pegleg83 (Jan 29, 2009)

Hey everyone. I'll try to not make this too terribly long. I'm 25. Retired from the Army in 2006 due to the loss of my right leg in Iraq. While in Iraq, my then wife got deeply into drugs. After my injury, I told her I wouldn't divorce her (as I really needed someone) but it was time to quit the drugs, long story short, she didn't, I told her it was the drugs, or me. She left me for a 42 year old bum drug dealer. Bum literally, he lived in an abandoned air plane hangar with nothing. She was my HS sweetheart, I TRULY loved her, and it hurt bad. I spent about 3 months being depressed until some of my buddies at the hospital basically forced me out of my funk. Anyway, I met my now wife at a dinner for disabled/wounded troops that happened every Friday night. She was dating another friend of mine, another wounded Soldier. She and I became friends, but REALLY became friends after he left her. I, until recently, have always had a very low self esteem about myself. I've never found myself good looking, not smart enough, etc, etc. I never let this hinder any relationships, actually, this made me run into relationships, inspite of MANY warning signs not to. Anyway, my now wife, was great. We had a lot of fun, I really enjoyed spending time with her and her son. One night while out giving a going away party to a friend who just retired, he and I were hitting on some girls, dancing, etc. She got very angry and went literally guy to guy around the bar, having all of them buy her shots of Tequila. Because she was upset I wasn't paying attention to her, or including her in drinks, bought for my friend and I by someone else, as a thank you for our service. I know, this is getting long, many apologies. 

Anyway, the above is one of MANY situations that happened while we were just "friends." Anyway, that night, while throwing up outside all over my truck, she professed that she was in love with me. I knew she was completely drunk, and told her I loved her to, just to get her back in the truck. Although I meant it, in a great friend way. 

About a month later, I was at her house, and we were watching the news, an 8 year old child was shot and killed by a 12 year old child about 100 yards away from her front door, in her apartment complex. I told her that I'd like to get her and Jerred, her son, out of there. So, I was already looking to buy a house using my VA benefits, as I was retireing in a month. Although I was looking back home in Indiana. Because of my self esteem issues, I thought I was in love with her. Because I enjoyed being around her. I know. She basically forced me to buy the house that she chose, and told me if I didn't, she would leave me. Even though I explained to her that it would be a bit out of my price range for mortgages. Injured Soldiers get what's called TSGLI. It's a lump sum amount of money given us, from military life insurance, because of our injuries. It's meant to help us restart out lives essentially after we retire. I got 50,000. She spent the entire 50k in a little over a month, on crap she wanted for this house. We were still just dating. I finished paying off my Harley, and she flipped, saying that I couldn't spend the 5k to pay it off without first discussing it with her. And stupidly, I eventually backed down, and said ok. 

This went much longer than I wanted originally, but it all paints a picture saying she's WAY too controlling, now, women, and ladies on here don't be offended please, but women are a bit controlling. I belive it comes from the fact that by nature, women are more responsible then men are. But this is rediculous. Anyway, over time, she became violent at times. She throws things, put holes in the walls, broke the bathroom mirrior with a stair stepper thingy, etc. Then became violent toward me. Last night was the 4th time. She has grabbed me by the throat and threw me back, then hits me, kicks me in the "groin," scratches at my eyes, etc. All the while yelling at me, "you're being abusive, quit manhandling me." And all I do is try to block her shots or push her away so that I may leave. I've had enough of it. I can't do this anymore. The reason I've stayed as long as I have is because of Jerred. He calls me dad, and I'm really the only true father he has ever known. I love him dearly, but as I go through therapy (PTSD, and other crap from Iraq), I have begun to feel better about myself, and I'm beginning to be my old self again, even if just a little at the moment. And I realize that I never really did love her. I just didn't want to be alone. Now, 3 of the 4 times she's been violent, it was when I told her I wanted to leave her. I even had to call the police on her once. Now, I KNOW i have to leave, and I NEED to, for my sake, as well as Jerred's. He deserves two loving parents, which he has, but he doesn't need to see or hear the things his mother says to me. And things I say to her when EXTREMELY AGGITATED, such as last night. Anyway, I'm in dire need of advice on how to go about this. We currently live in Alabama, and my parents live in Indiana, a 6 hour drive. My mother of course tells me to come home, and finally admits to never feeling quite right about my wife. Especially since my wife told her that I was her's now, and that I couldn't talk to my family, or even go to visit them by myself anymore. So, please, I'm begging. How can I do this the best way possible? I know I have to explain things to Jerred myself. But I'm waiting until the time is that I'll leave. So, please. Any advice.


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## pegleg83 (Jan 29, 2009)

Oh, forgot to add, we've been married for almost 2 years. Got married Aug. 11, 2007


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Thank you so much for serving our country. You paid a massive price and thank you doesn't seem enough.

I'm glad you realize you made some bad choices with regard to your wife. Unfortunately, it sounds as though you will take a financial loss due to that, but I'm glad to hear the old you is resurfacing and you do need to get out...this is over the top abusive and you should not put up with it.

Jerred is the hard part in this...is his mom good to him? does she ever abuse him in any way? that would be my only concern at this point. It is great you have the heart of a dad when it comes to Jerred, but staying with the way things are is no good for him to see.

I wish you the best.


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## pegleg83 (Jan 29, 2009)

She is really good with Jerred for the most part. She's sometimes though overly hard on him. He, as with most 9 year old children, has a pention for not turning in his homework, even though I make dang certain he does it. She will come down on him and curse at him etc, or what she say's isn't cursing at him, it's just cursing, she is the daughter of 2 Sailors. She grew up in an abusive relationship, which has been apologized for about 2.5 years ago...but she still carries that around with her. I believe her abusiveness toward me probably stems, if even only a bit, from her childhood, and honestly, I'm glad it's directed toward me. Not Jerred. Every man she has been with, meaning engagement, which she's had 5 including myself, and 2 marriages including myself, has left her. I called her last fiance, which is my amputee friend, and asked why he left. He explained a situation not that different from mine. I can only imagine that if I did call the others, it would be roughly the same. I've made arrangements with my dad to come down here with a U-Haul, I've paid for, to help me get my stuff and leave. I feel that if I don't have my dad, or any other person around when it happens, that another fight may ensue, and I'd be more "beaten" up than I am now.

Now, I can hold my own in a fight, even one-legged. But I was raised not to hit women, under any circumstance. Short of her pointing a gun or knife at me, I won't hit her. It's extrememly important that I stay healthy, as being an amputee can severely hinder certain aspects of immune systems and the "healing process" one's body goes through. After all, I'm missing 18% of my body, which is 18% of my bone marrow, where antibodies come from. Anyway. Thank you for your support. And I hope to hear a few more replies on the matter. 

I still feel as if I may be doing something wrong. But my therapist assures it's just the issues I have from PTSD, and the Loyalty that I attach to just about anything in my life.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Yeah, the issues with the Step-son are tough. 

I don't know if you are looking for an easy answer, but there really isn't one. If you were honest in saying that she does treat him good other than coming down on him hard, then you should know that although it will be hard for him too, that he will be OK going forward. You were right that it might actually be better, because no kid needs to see those things. 

With the situation you are in, you just have to realize that although it hurts, it sucks, and it won't be easy to leave him, that you have to do it. 

There are times in life when you need to be selfish, and I think this is one of them.


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