# Troubles finding love in the bedroom



## Pillowpants (May 5, 2017)

My wife had my son 7 months ago tomorrow. Since the pregnancy she has been really distant from me in the bed room. And by that I mean sex is dwindling away. I can't even talk her into the easy stuff like hand jobs. Quite frankly I don't think she wants anything to do with me in that way. She has been telling me that it takes a while for women's body's to recover form a baby, and I just don't understand. So my question is, am I being fed a line of bull****, or am I just being insensitive to what she has going on?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I think like most things, each person is so different. I have always been on the high drive side, so I was wishing I could have sex before I was even all the way healed. That being said, even as exhausted as I was after getting home from the hospital, and trying to adjust to nursing and a baby and no sleeping, I vividly remember giving my husband a couple of handjobs while we stayed at my moms, which was only the first week after having our first baby.

So while maybe she doesn't feel her body is totally ready, you have needs, and she should be sensitive to that too. Unless she has carpel tunnel or jaw issues. >


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@Pillowpants

You started two threads on the exact same topic in two forums. Please, only one thread on a topic.

I'm going to merge both of your threads and move it to General Relationship Discussion.

Everyone reads and post in every forum. So just post in one place. You will get better replies with only one thread on a topic.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Could you answer a few questions so that we have more to go on?

How old are you and your wife?

Is this baby the only child the two of you have?

Did she have any difficulties in her pregnancy and/or delivery?

Does she now suffer from PPD (post partum depression)?

Is she a SAHM (stay at home mom) or does she have a job?


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## Pillowpants (May 5, 2017)

She is 21

yes, this is our only child

We had no complications having him

I don't think she does although I'm thinking about looking into some counseling.

She has a job that works her 3 days a week 12 hrs a day

sorry about the two posts, I'm new to this form thing


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

The physical recovery from an uncomplicated birth is much shorter than that. There is another reason she isn't wanting to have sex with you. She may have already tried communicating it with you, or maybe she needs you to set the stage for open communication.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Pillowpants said:


> My wife had my son 7 months ago tomorrow. Since the pregnancy she has been really distant from me in the bed room. And by that I mean sex is dwindling away. I can't even talk her into the easy stuff like hand jobs. Quite frankly I don't think she wants anything to do with me in that way. She has been telling me that it takes a while for women's body's to recover form a baby, and I just don't understand. So my question is, am I being fed a line of bull****, or am I just being insensitive to what she has going on?


There are alot of threads just like this on here. You are basically being fed a line of bull****. You gave her what she wanted, a kid. Now you will be hard pressed to get any sex out of her for the rest of your marriage.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I've personally not heard of anyone having such a long recovery period post pregnancy, unless there were some major complications.
At 21, she likely sprung back like a rubber band (not trying to poke fun... I've seen it too many times to count).

Something else is bothering her... PPD? What does her day look like? Is she socializing with other adults?


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Given that she is working 12-hr shifts 3 days/week, how evenly are the two of you sharing chores and taking care of the baby? If she is working and still doing the bulk of the domestic stuff, she may be exhausted and harboring some resentment.

How is the rest of your relationship, outside of the sex thing? Are the two of you spending enough one-on-one quality time, or are you focused on the baby and your jobs all the time?


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

Sorry OP, we're witnessing the start of an LD/HD marriage. The sex will probably pick up when she wants another child. Until then start practicing jumping through hoops.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Spitfire said:


> Sorry OP, we're witnessing the start of an LD/HD marriage. The sex will probably pick up when she wants another child. Until then *start practicing jumping through hoops*.


The problem with hoops.....

They do not provide enough friction.....

Just sayin'


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Pillowpants said:


> She is 21
> 
> yes, this is our only child
> 
> ...


One thing is a for sure.

She does not like sexual intercourse.
She does not need sexual intercourse.

That is just one of the missing brackets holding the marriage together. 

Other brackets missing? Get on your hands and knees. Scan and scour the house. Look for little screws that have come loose. 

Soon the portable four-legged marriage chair will be down to three....legs. 

Sit steady. Steady as you go. 

Find the other acme-threaded clues.

Find em', reinsert.."righty tighty"!


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

One other important question: Is she breastfeeding?

Many women have zero desire during this period. Hormonally, they are driven to provide for the new life to the exclusion of all other concerns. The body doesn't want a new baby when the first one is still totally dependent, so the desire factory shuts down completely. Wven without postpartum depression, the breastfeeding period can be sexless.

As for the lack of HJs or other non-PIV activity, it's been my experience that the presence or absence of this is directly proportional to PIV activity. It may not seem logical; we (guys especially) tend to think it makes sense that if you can't do one thing, you oughta' do the other. However, my wife informed me that often not wanting PIV means she'd not feeling sexual and if she's not feeling sexual, it doesn't matter what the act is, it's not going to be desirable; when you think about it, this is equally logical. 

After each of our three children were born, there was a good 9-12 months which were pretty tough ... on me. She was so completely fulfilled by motherhood that I became an afterthought and that was hard to take. However, that is for most, a biologically driven imperative every bit as strong as our desire to keep having sex. There is no easy answer. All I can say is give it a little more time. After junior's had his first birthday _and_ after breastfeeding stops (assuming it is happening), then it's time to start being concerned if things don't improve.


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## Pillowpants (May 5, 2017)

She is no longer breast feeding. It all formula and baby food.


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## Pillowpants (May 5, 2017)

FeministInPink said:


> Given that she is working 12-hr shifts 3 days/week, how evenly are the two of you sharing chores and taking care of the baby? If she is working and still doing the bulk of the domestic stuff, she may be exhausted and harboring some resentment.
> 
> How is the rest of your relationship, outside of the sex thing? Are the two of you spending enough one-on-one quality time, or are you focused on the baby and your jobs all the time?


I am fortunate enough to live close enough to my mother to have her watch him while she and I work. We have Wednesdays off together, but most days she doesn't see me till 3 pm or so. I help with housework as best I can but with school, she takes care of things like laundry and very in depth cleaning. She also cooks because not even the dog will eat what I cook. I'll admit I don't feel I do enough housework but with school, I'm lucky to have an hour at home with her and my baby on weekdays. I don't remember her telling me about any problems with communication. I make it pretty clear that she can and needs to talk to me about problems, but still, find I have to pry out the answers.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Start dating her again. Get a sitter for the kid at least 2x a week. Don't balk at the $$, it's worth every cent. You two need to start bonding. Also make sure the kiddo isn't sleeping in your room. Your bedroom is your sanctuary, you should be craving and desiring each other. 

Are you in good shape? Start hitting the weights hard, get in the best shape of your life!


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## Pillowpants (May 5, 2017)

GuyInColorado said:


> Start dating her again. Get a sitter for the kid at least 2x a week. Don't balk at the $$, it's worth every cent. You two need to start bonding. Also make sure the kiddo isn't sleeping in your room. Your bedroom is your sanctuary, you should be craving and desiring each other.
> 
> Are you in good shape? Start hitting the weights hard, get in the best shape of your life!


Ill Start doing that. I was thinking for sure the weight thing (She got pregnant and I gained 30lbs).


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Pillowpants said:


> Ill Start doing that. I was thinking for sure the weight thing (She got pregnant and I gained 30lbs).


Bada Bing ! 
I've been through four pregnancies and four recoveries and I've never experienced what you are going through. I have some off the cuff recommendations that may seem weird. But there are good reasons behind them.
1) evaluate all the household chores. Anything that is gross or icky, you claim as "Mans work" 
2) Take over night feedings, and diaper changing.
3) you Breastfeed 30 minutes per week. Preferably in 3 @ 10 minute stints.
4) Get a Hobby besides School. limited time as you are very busy, but manly. Woodcarving would be a good idea.
5) regularly scheduled (SCHEDULED) dates.
6) Learn how to cook something. I don't care what, but grilling a burger on a hibachi is a good suggestion.

BTW I gained significant weight the first Pregnancy. I ate anything she didn't want. At 50 I'm still trying to lose it. Good that you decided to get on that early.
MN


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