# Showering with your son/daughter



## NewHubs

So my wife and I know a single mom and she has a 5 year old son. Very nice and polite kid to boot! So my wife had a conversation with her recently and she mentioned that she sometimes showers with her 5 year old. My wife mentioned it to me and we both thought it was a little strange. I jokingly said maybe she is conserving water and here that was the reason she gave my wife! I know she is a single mom and all but when do you draw the line with showering/bathing with your kids?
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## EleGirl

I have no problem with a parent showering with a very young child. But 5 years old is getting to be too old.


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## NewHubs

EleGirl said:


> I have no problem with a parent showering with a very young child. But 5 years old is getting to be too old.


I agree! I forgot to mention she has been bathing with him since he was an infant which seems fine but at 5 years is a bit much. 
At 5 you begin to notice "things"
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## EleGirl

I showered once in a while with my son when he was little.

He was about 4 when he asked to see what I do not have. That was the end of the showers.


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## Cosmos

I think the cut off age is probably between 3 and 5 years of age for this sort of thing. I was a single (divorced) mother, and whilst my son probably caught the odd glimpse of me naked after this age, by then there would have been boundaries in place in this regard.


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## northernlights

It's totally cultural. In my H's home country (one of the more conservative European nations), family pools are full of half-naked kids and adults. Moms take their little ones into locker rooms for changing and showering (boys under 7 probably), and it's no biggie. There are plenty of nude family beaches too, though of course not everyone uses them. And one of the Scandinavian countries is famous for it's naked family saunas.

So, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it, but it is gonna be considered weird here in the US just because it's not done.


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## anja

Yup, one of those "conservative" Europeans here too. I see nothing wrong with it. He's 5, not 15!! I think it's time to stop when the child says so. They won't want to shower with a parent forever. Their natural sense of shame is going to kick in at some point and that's when you'll know. I shower with my 7 and 5 year old girls and so does their American father. And their European grandparents.
Personally I find it harder to try to wash and shampoo them from outside of the shower while keeping me and the bathroom from being flooded and them from getting cold. Practicality is all there is to it.
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## FourtyPlus

Neither of us have have ever bathed or showered together with our daughter, I guess it didn't make any sense to us. We taught her how to bathe and wash herself while outside the tub or shower.
Yup, lots of naked beaches etc. in Europe, there's plenty of parks in Munich were you can sunbathe topless - however, I've never done any of it while living there and I don't think I ever will.


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## FourtyPlus

Neither of us have have ever bathed or showered together with our daughter, I guess it didn't make any sense to us. We taught her how to bathe and wash herself while outside the tub or shower.
Yup, lots of naked beaches etc. in Europe, there's plenty of parks in Munich were you can sunbathe topless - however, I've never done any of it while living there and I don't think I ever will.


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## oddball

I have three daughters. I have showered with all of them. The older two started to say no thanks around 10/11. They are a little older now, and their bodies are developing. They now insist on privacy, close bedroom doors etc. This is respected. I still walk naked from the shower to my bedroom. I sometimes swim naked in the pool. They often come into the bedroom when my wife is getting dressed. Yep, my children know dad has a penis and mom a vagina. Its nudity. It natural. Its normal. Their is nothing sexual about it.

What I find "weird" is a single mom showring with her 5 year old being called "weird"

I am not American, so perhaps its a cultural difference.


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## *LittleDeer*

I don't see it as an issue at 5. If you'd said 10 or 11 then I'd think that was inappropriate.

I read that it's when they start to say they don't want to or you feel uncomfortable.


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## Wiltshireman

I think this is one of those issues that divide’s down the Atlantic.

Too many people do not seem to be able to separate "nudity" from "sex". Human bodies come in two basic types but many different shapes and colours, no one should be made to feel ashamed of their body and for as long as both the parent and the child are comfortable being naked in each other’s company there is nothing wrong with it.

With my daughters they decided they were too big once they started puberty but they are not adverse to getting changed on the beach or at the side of the lake as long as there are not strangers around.


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## marko

my daughter is six and we always change around each other. we do not "hide" from her and wear bathrobes the ten feet between the bathroom and the bedroom, she comes in when we are changing, she is in the same hotel room as us when we are changing to go swimming, getting out of the shower, etc.

I know she has noticed how daddy is different from mommy, as others have said, to me it is pretty natural. at some point though we will need to cover up a little more.

I would never invade her space and touch her when we were both naked in a shower for example. that is her personal space and I have no right invading it as a male. helping her into her swim suit when I was finished that is acceptable to me.

a mom showering with her five year old son, not a big deal to me. the conserving water thing is kind of funny though unless they are in a house with very little hot water. at some point she should let the poor guy bathe by himself though. boys need to learn about themselves, as little girls do. we let our daughter have the bathroom to herself all the time.


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## marko

Wiltshireman said:


> I think this is one of those issues that divide’s down the Atlantic.
> 
> Too many people do not seem to be able to separate "nudity" from "sex". Human bodies come in two basic types but many different shapes and colours, no one should be made to feel ashamed of their body and for as long as both the parent and the child are comfortable being naked in each other’s company there is nothing wrong with it.


I agree completely, people do equate being nude to sex, too bad really. to be fair though, some of the sexiest women I have seen were wearing clothing, sometimes just a summer dress or yoga pants and t-shirt. to me sexy is a state of mind. 

if you look at strippers as an example, I do not find most of them sexy, they are obviously there as a sideline for the drugs and prostitution, not all but most. drugs and hookers and smoking are all huge turn offs for myself. have not been to one of these bars for a looong time now.


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## norajane

My family is European, so this isn't something I would think is weird or inappropriate. 

Remember Mr. Rogers and that song he always sang, "Every body's fancy, every body's fine. Your body's fancy, and so is mine." 

I'm more upset about people who buy their kids all the latest violent video games, or watch murder/crime tv with their kids in the same room.


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## marko

norajane said:


> My family is European, so this isn't something I would think is weird or inappropriate.
> 
> Remember Mr. Rogers and that song he always sang, "Every body's fancy, every body's fine. Your body's fancy, and so is mine."
> 
> I'm more upset about people who buy their kids all the latest violent video games, or watch murder/crime tv with their kids in the same room.


your child does as they are taught. the world is sick enough, it is violent enough , it is scary enough without having the constant exposure to it at a young age. the kids need to be able to play and laugh and learn at a young age. they will have enough time when they get older to be exposed to the horrible things that can happen.

to be fair, there has been a few things come up on the news about bad things, teens getting killed in car crashes or an earthquake etc that I pull our six year old daughter into the room and show her what happens in the world and how it can affect others. use it as an educational moment. now she is hearing about "zombies" from her class mates , and I cannot stop that but I can explain how they are not real and monsters are not real. I will explain to her about human monsters when she gets older of course.


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## anja

FourtyPlus said:


> Neither of us have have ever bathed or showered together with our daughter


You missed out. When my husband's ex wife started to balk at him showering or bathing with his daughter when she was 4/5, up to that point a beloved ritual between them, he wore swim trunks in the bath tub with her a few times. She had the most fun and it made her sad to have to stop. 

Also, I explained to hubby early on that girls WILL discover what is hidden under those pants. If she has no idea at all, the drive to discover it sooner rather than later might be very strong.


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## EleGirl

anja said:


> You missed out. When my husband's ex wife started to balk at him showering or bathing with his daughter when she was 4/5, up to that point a beloved ritual between them, he wore swim trunks in the bath tub with her a few times. She had the most fun and it made her sad to have to stop.
> 
> Also, I explained to hubby early on that girls WILL discover what is hidden under those pants. If she has no idea at all, the drive to discover it sooner rather than later might be very strong.


What? So fathers should show their privates to their daughters so that the daughters will not have a drive to find out about men's anatomy sooner than later?


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## Anon Pink

There is nothing wrong with showering with your 5 year old. It is a simply matter of curiosity that they ask to see this body part or that missing thing. It is not sexual at all and treating as such is waaaaay over kill.
Kids learn to want privacy between ages 8-10 and then they won't want to shower together.

I have a pool in the yard and we all swim naked regularly. Husband wears his boxers because we have daughters. But when they were little, it was "all in for nakey swim" It was kind of sad when they reached the age of horror at being naked. But then in the later teens they became comfortable again. My youngest loves swimming naked with me, but not if Dad's outside too.


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## PAgirl

What do you think if the parent wears a bathing suit in the shower while bathing their child?


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## PAgirl

anja said:


> You missed out. When my husband's ex wife started to balk at him showering or bathing with his daughter when she was 4/5, up to that point a beloved ritual between them, he wore swim trunks in the bath tub with her a few times. She had the most fun and it made her sad to have to stop.
> 
> Also, I explained to hubby early on that girls WILL discover what is hidden under those pants. If she has no idea at all, the drive to discover it sooner rather than later might be very strong.


This is disturbing!!! "You missed out???"


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## Miss Taken

I stopped letting my first son see me completely nude when he was three or four and partially nude (in a bra and panties or t-shirt and panties) after around five or six. It just gave me the wiggins to be stared at lol. I imagine I'll do the same when my youngest is about that age. Once they start to notice the differences between my organs and theirs, I'm done.

On the other hand, I do BF the youngest (just turned 1 today and will wean soon) and don't cover up in my own home to do so. This means my oldest 9, has seen my breasts plenty in the last year. It was weird for me at first but I got over it and so did he. I think if you make it weird, it's weird and if you don't it's not.

As for showering, I never showered with my oldest but still do sometimes with my youngest. I try to get my showers in when he's napping but if not, he plays on the bathroom floor when I'm in the shower and crawls right into the stall with me.

As an aside, I'm half Finnish. My relatives from Finland and Sweden do not share the same qualms whatsoever when it comes to public nudity as us Canadians. I remember they all got naked (at a non-nudist beach) when we went for a swim during a family reunion. I was thirteen and thus mortified at the time lol.


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## MyHappyPlace

I have bathed with each and every one of my children. The boys all stopped between 5 and 7 when they got uncomfortable. My daughter is now 5 and regularly bathes with me and/or her father. 

We are in southwest US so the cultural thing isn't really a play... and I'm sure a lot of people are mortified by it! But thankfully we don't care what others think of us. We are much more concerned with raising our children in a loving environment where nobody is taught to be ashamed of their bodies. 

Our daughter has even taught me a few things. I am naturally a fuzzy person and used to regularly shave my arms even though it's blonde, it bothered me. She, in all her innocence, told me she liked my fuzzy arms. I was embarrassed for about 5 seconds before the light bulb went on and I quit shaving my arms. How am I supposed to teach her to love her body when I obviously didn't love mine. (and she picked up my genes, she's gonna be a furball all her life too!)

We all regularly walk around in our undergarments. Definitely not a big deal as they cover more than most bathing suites my kids will see at any public pool!


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## larry.gray

Showering seems too close for comfort after about age 5. I'm quite open to nudity around other family members, but touching is the boundary for me. You're going to "bump" into something I feel uncomfortable bumping into. 

I think teaching kids to hide their body makes them feel that their body is bad. Especially for girls. FWIW, I have a 17 y/o and a 13 y/o girl. They are both comfortable around me, but not so much around their brother. The problem is he stares and that makes them uncomfortable.


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## larry.gray

MyHappyPlace said:


> Our daughter has even taught me a few things. I am naturally a fuzzy person and used to regularly shave my arms even though it's blonde, it bothered me. She, in all her innocence, told me she liked my fuzzy arms. I was embarrassed for about 5 seconds before the light bulb went on and I quit shaving my arms.


Women who have thin pale blond body hair and are able to get away with no shaving anywhere are hot as hell..... I heard a guy refer to it as "angel's hair" and loved it.

Now returning to our regularly scheduled thread....


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