# My husband wanted me to sleep with another guy



## lynnie

I've been married for 12 years and have 3 kids. As far back as our engagement my husband wanted me to have a threesome with he and another person. At first he said he didn't care male or female, but then it eventually went to just male. I have been saying no over and over for the entire 12 years but he still wouldn't drop it. We would fight about it all of the time. In that time I have stopped wanting to have sex with him. He still however is my best friend. We get along great and work well together with the kids. At first I thought not wanting to have sex with him was just a result of being married for a while.

Then recently I had decided to finally agree to this for two reasons. One, I was expecting him to get upset and two, in the case he didn't get upset, the person he was suggesting I was very attracted to. Well, he loved the idea. It was all he talked about for 6 months. Everytime we had sex he talked about this person and I. My feelings for this person turned out to be alot more serious than just attraction. I think our bedtime talks opened the door for me to think further about him.
This 3rd person came to visit us one night. My husband left us alone together expecting his fantasy. Both of us went our separate ways without doing anything. That night I ended up confessing my feelings for him to my husband. 
That finally did the trick.
He now regrets pushing this for so long. I am left with feelings for another guy, feeling like my husband really doesn't want me, thinking maybe he just wanted to cheat on me and would try to make it ok by having me do it first. He said he hasn't wanted to cheat and wants me, but I'm having trouble believing that.
Sorry this is so long, but I'm having trouble deciding whether to stay with him or not. As I said we are great friends and have 3 kids, but I feel like I can't get past this.
I need advice....please.


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## makingmymarriagework

I think you need to make an appointment for counceling quick. If your marriage is worth saving, you should do it. Had you written that you two don't get along, my thoughts probably would've been different, but because you two have such a healthy loving relationship outside the bedroom, I think your marriage is worth saving. GL


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## Shoto1984

Lynnie,

I agree with the previous post, counseling for both of you will be a big help and will allow you to address issue you're concerned about and issues you may not have thought of.

I'm glad to read that nothing when on with the third person. Think of how much more complicated that would have made it. As it is, you've got enough to work out. You're husband was wrong to pressure you for all this time and it obviously took a toll on you and the marriage. The motivations for a man encouraging his wife to do this are varied but he probably does want you and is not looking to cheat. As the previous poster says, it sound like you have something worth saving.


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## GAsoccerman

hmmmm for a minute there I thought you were my wife...we been married 12 years and have three children as well and I've always wanted a threesome, particularly with a male. Plus we are best friends and are made for each other.

But that is where it ends....

Well here is my take and this is comming from me and my personal thoughts. Why do I want my wife to have a threesome?

I know this will be hard for you women to understand, but it's the honest truth. So here it goes...

Part of me feels my wife is the hottest woman on the planet, that I am one lucky SOB and married this terrible hot woman that no other male will ever get the pleasure to have sex with, it's like hogging up a treasure all to myself. :smthumbup:

Another part wants me to "watch her" seeing her so hot and watching her go wild sexually is not something I can do, becuase I am the one doing it to her, I would love to watch her "in action" Women get mad at the porns, well nothing is Hotter then my wife in the porn...just not with me. Hard to watch yourself, just like it would be hard for you to watch yourself, guys don't want to see their naked butts bouncing up and down...yuck.

Another is the ULTIMATE pleasure for my wife, I know she would LOVE it, she would really enjoy it, I really think she would enjoy the experience of two men pleasing her. Matter of fact I know she would.

Finally, that I am not good enough, part of me can not accept such a georgous creature loves me and wants just me and no other man. Men hit on my wife everyday she is GEORGOUS, I find it very hard and difficult that she only wants me, I am no Brad Pitt, I am no Tom Cruise, I am a average dopey guy who had low self esteem for years, how can I possible have this? How could this georgous woman want just me? I have a habit of beating myself up, that I am not good enough, I am not worthy.

Did he have a girlfriend cheat on him in the past? I had one that screwed everyone and their brother, so it took a long time for my Repair job and my jealousy was OUT OF CONTROL, it took a long time for me to fully trust my girlfriend/wife we dated 7 years...I was waiting for her to cheat, which she did on spring break, but fully confessed the moment she got back, anyway didfferent topic.

My wife has always said no to the threesome, not interested what so ever. I still fantasize about it and tell her I do, but I also said, I will never bring it up, but if you ever decide you are interested, let me know and we will go to a swinger resort in Cancun for couples only, I think a full couple swap would be better for us anyway, or a foursome.

So what can you do? not much, he needs to get it out of his mind, you need to tell your friend it will not happen and it will only be unconfortable afterward.

Do you role play with your husband? Have you ever visited a swinger club? my wife and I have visited a swinger club for couples only, I have found the atmosphere electrifying and so has my wife, but we never have swapped, we watched others and others have watched us and that has been thrilling enough for both of us.

Having a threesome with the friend or just sex is REALLY A HORRIBLE idea, unless you can keep it as friends only then yes, but you can't you already stated you have feelings and you would regret it and it would cause trouble down the road and divorce. This is something you Both would want and I would recommend a Resort or a club, But no friends. But if you are not interested in it a 100% then DO NOT DO IT....EVER.

While I know I want to, and I know my wife would really love it, I know she doesn't want to, so I can't ask her to do it, but I left the door open for her in case she changes her mind.

Do you and your hubby do Photo sessions? make your own erotic movies? Sex texting? any of that? Maybe come up with some innovative ideas to get him off the threesome.

I learned to come up with other ideas for our marriage that my wife enjoys, She knows I will never give up on the threesome, but sometimes it's good to keep that carrot infront of the rabbit.

On a side note, I have not cheated on my wife, and never viewed a threesome as a "free pass" to go cheat, that is not what us men are thinking, it is the ultimate fantasy, the MMF is about pleasing the female in the most erotic way possible....but the issue is there is a third person and those feelings are usually left out, which can lead to major issues.

Don't do it with the friend, ever.


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## tommy.shann

It's a common male fantasy for a man to want his wife to sleep with another man. I believe mostly to show how sexual and attractive the wife is.. to be proud of her, to know that other men desire her that way, but that she is his wife.

Also, it's my opinion that men are more sexually open minded, and often want more than straight monogomous sex, than womem. I don't believe he wanted to cheat, I don't believe he doesn't love you. I think he just wanted to experience something "different" "wild" with you.

Could I ask you why you just didn't do it, when he first asked. What was so horrible about it?


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## marina72

perhaps she was serious when she said it was something she didn't feel comfortable doing...

that's a pretty huge thing to just "do" because her husband "aked her to"...

I would never sleep with another man, I don't care how much my husband wanted me too.. that's over the top for me. I am not a prude, don't mind gettin kinky with my man.... but not Everyone is into that kind of thing,, and that is not a bad thing.

Her hubby pressured her, until she gave in, and then she fell in love with the other man... talk about backfiring...
I think he should have let sleeping dog lie.. and should not have pushed her into it.

perhaps some people don't think it's "so horrible" but some do not feel it's right to just go shaggin anyone who walks up, when they are married, whether it's under the guise of a "fantasy" or not

if you can find a wife that is willing, that is great! but women and men that are not willing to live that lifestyle, don't deserve to be belittled for it.

as I said, maybe she didn't feel like doing it. It's not something one "typically" expects will be a part of normal day to day marital relations...


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## Amplexor

tommy.shann said:


> Could I ask you why you just didn't do it, when he first asked. What was so horrible about it?


 :scratchhead::scratchhead:

Hmm. Boundaries? Moral Code? Marriage Vows? Fear of STDs? Commitment? Personal Values? Religious Convictions? Fear of screwing up the marriage?............


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## marina72

Yes! Amp... always well said, and to the point...


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## tommy.shann

I understand all that, but still think many people would be better off trying something knew, opening their mind. The same reasons you stated above for not fullfilling the hubby's fantasy, are the same reasons the divorce rate in the USA is so high.

I hope it all works out for lynnie. She seemed to "fall in love" pretty quick with this guy, I am sure she could fall out of love just as quick.

Also, It sounds like she screwed her husband over.. she knew "falling in love" wasn't part of it. Why agree to do it... get him all excited.. then don't do anything expect say she has feelings?


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## marina72

oh,, let me get this straight....

She screwed her husband over.... but what he did to her, pressuring her for 12 years to break her wedding vows... was not screwing her over? Ever heard of the expression , be careful what you wish for? And furthermore... so what you're saying, is that a married person screwing someone else... is Okay, as long as "falling in love" is not part of it? Wow... i mean, Wow...

You know what, if Both of these two , were okay with the "open marriage thing" which is an oxymoron... clearly.. then it wouldn't be a problem, as they would both be 'open" as you put it, to doing other people... but the fact is, she was not open to it, and he pressured her, and got what he wanted, except he got a LOT more than he bargained for... I have a hard time feeling sorry for him.


So , he did absolutely Nothing wrong, by pressuring her... and his ideas and his fantasies.. are totally fine,,, as long as she doesn't "fall in love"

Perhaps you have JUST illustrated, why this is a stupid idea??? do you not see that, you just made my point for me? geez...

I am guessing, that she never would have developed feelings for someone else, if her husband had not been having her talk to his dude, and get 'used" to him... granted, no one forced her to fall in love... or have feelings..

But that Very reason, is why things like this, Often backfire on a couple .... don't you get that? Why bother getting married?


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## Amplexor

lynnie said:


> Sorry this is so long, but I'm having trouble deciding whether to stay with him or not. As I said we are great friends and have 3 kids, but I feel like I can't get past this. I need advice....please.


Are you still in any kind of contact with the other man? Do you still have feelings for him? As far as your husbands requests of you it is a classic “Be careful of what you ask for.” 

In order to get by this you will need to rid yourself of this other man and your feelings for him. I suspect your concern that you can’t get past this might be tied to TOM just as much as your anger with your husband in asking you to do something that was outside your boundaries.


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## tommy.shann

What are you getting so angry about? Jeez - I didn't say he didn't screw her over too.. All I am saying is people should try opening their mind, epsecially sexually. I bet if she worked with him, they could have worked something out.. if she just gave him something, like maybe dancing sexy with a guy in public or something.

I just don't understand why people say marriages are built on compromising, give and take - but when it comes to sex all that is off limits.


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## marina72

sleeping with someone when you are trying to honor your marrige vows... hardly equates to dancing sexy.. and that is not what he asked her to do... in fact, he asked her and pressured her for 12 years , to do something she didn't want to do...

I wouldn't call what you're speaking of... an example of "compromising" we are not talking about assigning household chores here...

and I'm not angry, your callous attitude about it, well, I guess i just found it disgusting...

I'm entitled to think what I want, as are you... but that wasn't the point of this girls post... she clearly was Not in to doing this... and her husband didn't care enough to stop pushing her... so he got the worst possible outcome...

Again... why bother getting married if you want to have casual sex with other people??


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## reidqa

Sounds like pre swing introduction,

Many couples do this, usually for one time only.

Its not for everyone, but some do explore.


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## marina72

did I read you right Reid? LOL... this , coming from the no cheating , no execptions King of all kings? lol...

alrighty then.

It is only swinging I think, if Both parties are interested in it... I think if that is what this couples wants to do, then that's fine. Swinging is not for me, but I don't say that anyone else can't do that, if that's what they want. 
But this clearly was not a case of swinging... this was a husband pressuring his wife to give in to him, and when she did... they both ended up unhappy with the results... sad...

I hope she can work out her feelings, and that he can also.


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## kirkster5

T.S.

I think why Marina is so ticked off with your statements are that they are well.......not healthy in a MARRIAGE. The statistics are so overwhelmingly against a marriage surviving after "opening your mind" to having sex with someone outside the marriage that it staggers the mind to call it a "compromise". In the huge majority of cases one of the partners involved is talked into it against their better judgment only to have deep difficulties after. Guilt/Rage/Jealousy=divorce. 

The other side of the coin is that very often when the one who really wanted the 3-some gets their wish, THEY cant get the image of another person pleasuring their spouse out of their head. They start to believe that the other lover was better/bigger/more handsome etc...this then leads to you guessed it more jealousy/rage/regret=divorce.

Look I'm not saying that 2 consenting adults cant do whatever they want (well within the law I guess), its just that if you want to "open your mind" sexually you are playing with an atom bomb to engage in behavior such as bringing an outside complication into the marital relationship. The act of sex releases a hormone called Serotonin into the body its main function is to cause one to want to pair-bond with the one they are having sex with. The Male's flood of testosterone usually weakens this effect and is why we can more easily separate sex from love/commitment. Its a matter of evolution. The man needed to procreate often and with multiple partners to "spread his seed" The women on the other hand needed to have a strong committed partner to help her protect and raise her offspring.(very simplistic but true). So if you introduce another partner you run the risk of her bonding with the other man as well as all the other problems listed above.

If you love your spouse and value your marriage why would you get a six shooter, fill it with 5 bullets, and then encourage them to play Russian roulette just so you can get your rocks off in the short term. Its not "opening your mind". For most couples that try it it is the beginning of closing the door on the marriage. That's just the facts.


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## reidqa

Kirkster,

I did find your post funny, as most swingers are less than desirable.

Ever been to a nude beach, why are there no Paris Hilton strolling by.


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## psnuser12

Look everyone, i'm 22 and understand this and requires no further explanation than this. If your husband wants to screw and do things like that, then get it out of your system before you get marrieed. Marriage is a product of religion and based on religious principles... you're dedicated to your wife ONLY once you get married... it's as simple as that.

I personally think it was childish to nag somebody for 12 years about some sexual fantasy that you should have done when you were dating and/or with different people. it's time to grow up and leave the teenage fantasies behind. They call it a commitment for a reason. 

I personally don't see this as somebody not being able to "open their minds to something new"... just somebody believeing in the fundamentals in a healthy relationship... It then begs the question... why can't your husband just be satisfied with the two of you together? And I know some other guy answered that from his perspective, but my opinion on it is that you're married... if you want that sort of sexual stuff to happen like foursomes and whatnot... then why get married? It makes no sense to me. 

Yeah, i'm 22 and been dating this beautiful girl for 8 months but we've known each other for a lot longer, but my biggest turn on is that she wants ONLY ME and nobody else. I guess from my perspective is that if you want to have sex with others and that's a fantasy... then don't get married until you've gotten that out of your system. But that's only my opinion... so take it for what it is.


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## kirkster5

Not sure I ever inferred that nude beaches or swingers are super models. Although if they were you might see me at the nude beach more often  So I'm not sure I get your point.


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## reidqa

Sorry,

Should have been more clear on post.

They start to believe that the other lover was better/bigger/more handsome etc...this then leads to you guessed it more jealousy/rage/regret=divorce.

Trust me this is not the case, a good looking couple usually leaves.


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## marina72

kirk... you're not alone... LOL.. we have all been asking reid this question for days...

sorry reid! had to give a poke there.

Kirks explanation was dead on... and so was zamar's

reid... why do you say all swingers are ugly? lol.. that is not true. that's like saying all married people that don't swing, are hotties...
and paris hilton? ughhh That is your standard of beauty? Gross.... she's a trollop , looks like a gremlin with a long blonde wig and makeup... 

anyway, I'll stop highjacking now...


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## reidqa

Marina,

Turn off your family filter and take a look, plus we know a few.

Ever gone to a adult only vacation, you would be insulted.

And Paris, my kind of girl.

Its a NYC thingy.


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## marina72

nope never been to a nude beach... I don't have a "family filter" and even if I did... would that be such a bad thing? 

Paris is a skank... LOL... but if that's what you're into... talk about plastic...

and no, I'm not ugly.. not saying that because I'm "ugly" I've never met a man yet that thought she was pretty... you're the first. Learn something new everyday... 

ciao...


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## reidqa

Marina,

Try going to one, you will leave scratching your head.

What the ****.


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## Veronica Jackson

I had a threesome before I got married but it was with another woman. I loved it but i don't thinnk I would ever be able to share my husband with another male or female. I definitely would not enjoy having another male in this situation. 

IMO sex is sacred and an emotional act. Reading this thread confirmed my feelings about sex.


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## kirkster5

Reid

You missed my point. I was not saying that the outside partner was neccesesarily great looking and the married couple was average. My point is that the mind works in strange ways when emotions are involved. Insucurity is a very real consequence of watching your spouse screw someone else. so the rational side of the brain is hijacked. Again not saying that some couples are both into "the lifestyle". There are. I'm just saying that for the vast majority of couples where both partners are not totally in agreement with it it will not end well. And in most couples where both partners thought they were into it find out that it was a mistake as one or both partners regret it when it actually happens.

Its not to say that there isnt a small group that it may not have disasterous consequences, there are but, its not something you "open your mind" to. It comes down to how you value your spouse. Do you really want to share the body of the one you love with another lover. The thought of someone pumping my wife disgusts me. The fact that someone else might be o.k. with it is not my business. To each, his or her own I guess. But the reality is it does not fit the boundries of a marriage. Go Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn if you want to live the "life"

Keep in mind this thread was started by a woman who wanted NOTHING to do with her husbands desire for a 3-some. He has hounded her for 12 years with this request. Its not like he was asking for her to get him a beer. He is asking her to do something that goes against her core beliefs as to what is appropriate in a marriage. He has shown a lack of respect for her values for 12 years!! Lets turn the tables a bit and say the thread was from a man saying that his wife loves him but wants to have a one-night stand every once in a while. She does not want to leave him it is just her fantasy and why cant he be ok with it even though to him it is not O.K. Would anyone here say he should "open his mind" at that request?


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## reidqa

Kirk,

Based on the lifestyle, there is no emotions and heavily discouraged.

Once again not for everyone, its the idea of one time.

Once again many couples, its a one time.


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## GAsoccerman

big difference between Nudist and swingers.

Again, it is not for everyone, the swinger lifestyle is made of two unique people that are fine with it at 110%


If neither person of the couple is "into it" at 110% then I would say DO not do it.

As i said, for me and my wife, we ventured to go to a club, but we gathered that the "swinger lifestyle" was not for us, but we enjoyed the voyuerism of the club, which is perfectable acceptable by people at the club.

You will often fine allot of swingers very happy, but again it has to be BOTH partners, if not then it will be trouble and end in divorce.

I highly recommend to Lynn not to do this.


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## Amplexor

lynnie said:


> As I said we are great friends and have 3 kids, but I feel like I can't get past this.
> I need advice....please.


Lynnie has not posted since her original request. Can we move back to her question. Thanks.


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## SaxonMan

I'm completely with Marina72 and Amplexor on this - and I applaud the OP for standing by her values.

Personally, I can't even begin to conceive how a person could want to see their loved one being used by another person. It's so far out of my conception that I guess I'm really not qualified to comment on it.

Wow - just wow.


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## revitalizedhusband

There's no way in HELL I would want my wife to sleep with another guy, and I know she feels the same way about me with another girl...so yeah, 3-somes and swinging are out, and will always be out, of the question for us.

I'm with Saxon, I can't even conceive how someone would want to see their wife screwed by another man, but that's just me.


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## revitalizedhusband

tommy.shann said:


> It's a common male fantasy for a man to want his wife to sleep with another man. I believe mostly to show how sexual and attractive the wife is.. to be proud of her, to know that other men desire her that way, but that she is his wife.
> 
> Also, it's my opinion that men are more sexually open minded, and often want more than straight monogomous sex, than womem. I don't believe he wanted to cheat, I don't believe he doesn't love you. I think he just wanted to experience something "different" "wild" with you.
> 
> Could I ask you why you just didn't do it, when he first asked. What was so horrible about it?


I disagree wholeheartedly.

I agree that its cool/fun that my wife is hot and it doesn't bother me at all, in fact I think its great that other men find my wife attractive and even try to flirt with her.

However, no way in the world would I want another man to sleep with her, period.


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## Mrs. Segedy

The Dude said:


> You're the problem. Why did you fight his request for 12 long years? Why not just endulge in his fantasy a few times and make your husband happy? Instead you made it as difficult as possible and then fell for the 3rd party, totally killing his fantasy?! Thats just a shame..bad wife..bad wife.


I'm sorry, Dude... But I think that was quite possibly the most ignorant thing I've ever heard. She wasn't comfortable with it and that's ok. She didn't have to be. She didn't have to bow down to every little fantasy he had, that's no way to have a relationship. So for you to assume she's a bad person is incredibly rude and judgmental. There is a lot of thought that goes into a decision like that. And if my husband had asked me to sleep with another man, I'd say no too! That doesn't make me a bad wife. Because I love him with all my heart.


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## SweetiepieMI

As for the op- that is something i completely agree with you! You were not into it- that alone gives you 110% right to say no and stick with your beliefs in it.....

I have to laugh at the ppl who believe the swinging is purely screwing another man/woman.....hubs and i are new to the lifestyle and NEVER contemplate "full swapping"- ie intercourse with another couple.... but we love voyeurism. To us its like porn, but in real life. 

We to believe that sex in a marriage is something that should remain between husband and wife. But we dont mind and do enjoy "playing" in the same room as a couple.....So not all swingers are there to screw other ppl, just so you know...

And the idea that all swingers are ugly LMAO- it is as diversed as couples who do not swing. You find ones you dont like, you find ones you do. 

Anyways back to OP- i appluad you for sticking to your boundaries, and you cant always control you emotions. However i think it was great that you admitted your feelings to you hubs instead of going through the act and it having horrible effects...


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## Freak On a Leash

The Dude said:


> You're the problem. Why did you fight his request for 12 long years? Why not just endulge in his fantasy a few times and make your husband happy? Instead you made it as difficult as possible and then fell for the 3rd party, totally killing his fantasy?! Thats just a shame..bad wife..bad wife.


:wtf:You are a complete and utter idiot and are obviously trolling but I'll bite..

Because to SOME people the act of sexual intercourse (or any sexual act) MEANS something special and maybe, just maybe, the OP doesn't picture herself as a someone akin to a prostitute who is willing to spread her legs and engage in what is suppose to be a loving act with just anyone! Maybe her marital vows actually MEAN something to her. Yeah, maybe that's it!  :slap:

All I can say to the OP's husband is "If you play with fire, then don't be surprised when you get burned". He demeans his wife and their marriage by asking such a thing of her repeatedly and won't accept "no" for an answer and now he is reaping what he sowed. I call this "karma".


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## too_far_into_it

I have not read all the posts here, but just want to say that this happened to me. I did comply with my husbands fantasy and it ruined our marriage. You can read my first post to get the details if you like. I would caution all women and men to keep this type of thing a fantasy and not make it happen.
Our divorce will be final on July 7th. This is not the only reason for the breakdown in our marriage but it was the straw to break the camels back. I just cannot be his wife after knowing this is what we wants from me.
Beware everyone who considers this. It's a divorce waiting to happen


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## he4she

Threesomes are for some people and some people they are not.
You must be able to separate love from lust, obviously you cannot, so it is not for you.
Now that he has dropped the threesome idea; you got what you wanted.
Some men do have that fantasy, I have been in a threesome with three couples several times and all three are very secure in their relationship and very much in love. 
The wife must be able to like someone without falling in love.
This is more common than most people realize. 
Does you husband love you? I believe he does.
Rekindle your love for your husband, as he has learned his lesson.


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## he4she

You wrote this about a year ago, how did things work out?
I hope things became better, time heals a lot of wounds.


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## NewZealand

Simple answer - it is definitely all down to that CONTROL thing. Hubby wants to control the wife. That is exactly why he wants this to happen, he wants to feel in CONTROL. Get some help dude, trust me I was just like him. I loved controlling my wife, and did not even know it - until I searched deep within and got dealing with the root of control!

Now things are getting better with my wife, I honor and respect her a little more!

OH and one more thing I detect - the dude also has a problem with one of the the fruits, of controls, it is called SELFISH!!!


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## Runs like Dog

So she can lay there an nag someone else? Sounds good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad

The idea of another man enjoying my wife's passion?

Not sure what planet I'd have to be on to tune into that channel.


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## Runs like Dog

Does your husband have rape fantasies too?


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## SweetNPetite

went through a similar situation with my ex. I felt hurt...and also found myself wishing I was married to the OTHER guy instead. My point of view in my situation was that if he wanted another mans penis inside me, then he didnt look at me as a wife and didnt live me. I was merely a sex toy to him.


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## MariaR

Amplexor said:


> :scratchhead::scratchhead:
> 
> Hmm. Boundaries? Moral Code? Marriage Vows? Fear of STDs? Commitment? Personal Values? Religious Convictions? Fear of screwing up the marriage?............


I completely agree!


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## MarriedWifeInLove

too_far_into_it said:


> I have not read all the posts here, but just want to say that this happened to me. I did comply with my husbands fantasy and it ruined our marriage. You can read my first post to get the details if you like. I would caution all women and men to keep this type of thing a fantasy and not make it happen.
> Our divorce will be final on July 7th. This is not the only reason for the breakdown in our marriage but it was the straw to break the camels back. I just cannot be his wife after knowing this is what we wants from me.
> Beware everyone who considers this. It's a divorce waiting to happen


A lot more common - people would be surprised.

Your next door neighbor,

The couple you sit next to at church,

A close family friend,

Your doctor.

It's more widespread than any of you (unless you've been there), realize.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

too_far_into_it said:


> I have not read all the posts here, but just want to say that this happened to me. I did comply with my husbands fantasy and it ruined our marriage. You can read my first post to get the details if you like. I would caution all women and men to keep this type of thing a fantasy and not make it happen.
> Our divorce will be final on July 7th. This is not the only reason for the breakdown in our marriage but it was the straw to break the camels back. I just cannot be his wife after knowing this is what we wants from me.
> Beware everyone who considers this. It's a divorce waiting to happen


Not for everyone.

And not everyone who participates - divorces.

My husband and I participated in the past - we are still married. 

Our issues HAVE ASOLUTELY NOTHING to do with this - had the issues before we participated - still have them after.

But you're right - not for everyone.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

reidqa said:


> Marina,
> 
> Try going to one, you will leave scratching your head.
> 
> What the ****.


You must have been to the wrong one.

Ones I went to a lot of the people were hot.

Guess it's a New York thingy!


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## MarriedWifeInLove

reidqa said:


> Marina,
> 
> Turn off your family filter and take a look, plus we know a few.
> 
> Ever gone to a adult only vacation, you would be insulted.
> 
> And Paris, my kind of girl.
> 
> Its a NYC thingy.


You name shows you are banned.

How are you able to post?


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## Amplexor

He was banned a long time ago. This is an old thread.


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## MarriedWifeInLove

Amplexor said:


> He was banned a long time ago. This is an old thread.


OMG, I didn't even pay attention to that.

Need to keep my eyes open - I'm old, I'll use that as an excuse this time.

Thanks!


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## huskyone

Well contrary to popular opinion, I agree with GASoccerman on certain points:

Part of me feels my wife is the hottest woman on the planet, that I am one lucky SOB and married this terrible hot woman that no other male will ever get the pleasure to have sex with, it's like hogging up a treasure all to myself. 

-Agree

Another is the ULTIMATE pleasure for my wife, I know she would LOVE it, she would really enjoy it, I really think she would enjoy the experience of two men pleasing her. Matter of fact I know she would.

-Agree

Finally, that I am not good enough, part of me can not accept such a georgous creature loves me and wants just me and no other man. Men hit on my wife everyday she is GEORGOUS, I find it very hard and difficult that she only wants me.

-Agree

My wife has always said no to the threesome, not interested what so ever. I still fantasize about it and tell her I do, but I also said, I will never bring it up.

-Agree



While I know I want to, and I know my wife would really love it, I know she doesn't want to, so I can't ask her to do it, but I left the door open for her in case she changes her mind. I learned to come up with other ideas for our marriage that my wife enjoys, She knows I will never give up on the threesome, but sometimes it's good to keep that carrot infront of the rabbit.

-Agree

On a side note, I have not cheated on my wife, and never viewed a threesome as a "free pass" to go cheat, that is not what us men are thinking, it is the ultimate fantasy, the MMF is about pleasing the female in the most erotic way possible...

- Agree and to add

My wife is 7 years older than myself, but takes excellent care of herself and looks much younger than me. I am 6'4" and linebacker build while she is a curvy 5'8" and very, very attractive.

It is easier for me to convey to her how attractive she is, however women are very hard on themselves and she does not see it that way. My desire to have another capable man join me in pleasuring my wife is not to only grace her with all the effection she richly deserves, but to also build her confidence within herself knowing she can still attract men. Before we got married I had a FFM two seperate times in my adult life and very much want to experience treating my wife with all of our attention.

Time is slipping away and I hope we may have the opportunity to experience a MMF. I am a very confident husband and in no way am threatened or jealous by another man no matter where my wife may be. I only wish have the chance to prove to my gorgeous wife that she is strong enough to handle two men and deserves all the effection myself and another man can give her.


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## RJ65

I too am a male/husband who has a desire to see my wife with other men and have asked many times previously. We've even had long serious talks about it. All discussions to date have resulted in her stating she simply can't do it and the subject gets dropped. The last time I felt she really doubted my love for her so I told her I would not bring it up again. I love her and we've created a very nice life together. It's not that I take her for granted nor is it a sign of disinterest in her. I'm not into the sissy cuckolding life style and I really can't explain why I have that desire other than these keys things:

- I am proud of my wife and she is great in bed so it is kind of showing her off to other men.

- The thought of seeing her being posessed by another man is an incredible turn on.

- The risk of it all is also a big turn on to me. I'm a risk taker in business and I get motivated the larger the risk (as long as there is the reward). Would it become more than just sex to her (would she start to have feelings for another man)? Would she become pregnant? Would she become addicted to the sex beyond my comfort level?

It may be that your husband shares one or all of the above feelings or perhaps an entirely different set. But the key I think is that if he really loves you and you've expressed you cannot do this he will respect that enough to keep it just a fantasy.

But I don't think it's a sign that your marriage is in trouble (previous posts from women are WAY off) nor is it a sign that he's a sissy or not masculine enough. He may be those things I don't know but his asking you is not an automatic sign.

I see this is a really old post but if you come back to check replies I hope this perspective from another man helps.


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## RNTracee1

Also, as Marina was trying to say, that you TOMMY are NOT GETTING is that this girl did not INTEND to fall in love. You said, "she screwed her husband over, and he DIDN'T EVEN GET ANYTHING except 'I have feelings'." What did you expect? That even though she had feelings for him she would sleep with him anyway????? That way at LEAST her husband could get some excitement from it and her feelings could get MORE intense???? How stupid you sound. And trust me dude, I speak from experience because am a female and I have had MMF threesomes. I will NOT have intercourse however because I too have issues separating feelings. Not that I have feelings for anyone besides my husband, but I cannot have intercourse with someone I do NOT have feelings for. I feel that is saved for making love and the rest is sexual play. Hubby is lucky that I will do that, and he feels that way. The minute he no longer appreciates it is the minute he can find someone else. Back to this issue, your feelings control you, you cannot always control them. To say that falling in love was not part of the deal is an idiotic thing to say. Obviously she didn't CHOOSE to fall in love and it bothers her. Otherwise she would have left the jerk.


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## olwhatsisname

lynnie said:


> I've been married for 12 years and have 3 kids. As far back as our engagement my husband wanted me to have a threesome with he and another person. At first he said he didn't care male or female, but then it eventually went to just male. I have been saying no over and over for the entire 12 years but he still wouldn't drop it. We would fight about it all of the time. In that time I have stopped wanting to have sex with him. He still however is my best friend. We get along great and work well together with the kids. At first I thought not wanting to have sex with him was just a result of being married for a while.
> 
> Then recently I had decided to finally agree to this for two reasons. One, I was expecting him to get upset and two, in the case he didn't get upset, the person he was suggesting I was very attracted to. Well, he loved the idea. It was all he talked about for 6 months. Everytime we had sex he talked about this person and I. My feelings for this person turned out to be alot more serious than just attraction. I think our bedtime talks opened the door for me to think further about him.
> This 3rd person came to visit us one night. My husband left us alone together expecting his fantasy. Both of us went our separate ways without doing anything. That night I ended up confessing my feelings for him to my husband.
> That finally did the trick.
> He now regrets pushing this for so long. I am left with feelings for another guy, feeling like my husband really doesn't want me, thinking maybe he just wanted to cheat on me and would try to make it ok by having me do it first. He said he hasn't wanted to cheat and wants me, but I'm having trouble believing that.
> Sorry this is so long, but I'm having trouble deciding whether to stay with him or not. As I said we are great friends and have 3 kids, but I feel like I can't get past this.
> I need advice....please.


 you let him manipulate a situation. with words you could tell him how foolhardy his dream senairio was but this was better. good luck on the years to come.


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