# What to say when telling the other spouse



## broken30 (Apr 9, 2013)

Hi everyone.

I want to email the other BS about his WW's affair but not sure what to say. What should I put in subject box? I don't want him
to read it and think it's just spam then delete without opening
email.
Plus I don't know how to start it. Maybe he knows, does't care, is open marriage, etc.
Brief story is, it was an online smutty, sex fantasy, explicit
talk, etc. also, phone sex. I found the emails, printed but later
BS find and destroyed them. I can still remember them word for
word which could prove I'm not making it up. i.e. private things about herself that no one would probably know. I still have the old computer but don't know if I can still get them. No longer have the same email address and he might of had it swiped. I found these emails years ago but couldn't do anything because my husband's (I was always a homemaker) career, (military) would have been destroyed, and I had to protect my family's future. He met her at a conference and at the time she was trying to pick up a couple of guys. Said she ( lives in another state) was married but had a Navy Guy (PA) on the side Real crazy wacko. Would write WS long sick emails and he just responded with one liners to keep it going. He said she was a real skank but had to admit that the talk was fun. He is retired now so I no longer have to worry about out financial stability. I keep putting this off. Chicken I guess.
Please give me advice on how to write this to him.

Also
I looked for other post about this as I'm sure they're here but
Guess I'm not doing it right. If someone could help I appreciate it. 
Also, if I find one from months or more ago, do I reply to it. Will it be seen?
Thanks much!


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

If it was several years ago, I would let it go. Although I am an advocate for exposing, from what you written here, it appears that you just rug swept the whole thing. I don't get an impression that your husband has had to pay for his sins and wrongful transgressions, so why after all of these years drag it up again?

Also without proof, it may be hard to convince the AP's spouse of any wrong doing. If you really feel that you must do this (sounds like a revenge thing rather than a public service), then find out his number and call him directly.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

broken30 said:


> Hi everyone.
> 
> I want to email the other BS about his WW's affair but not sure what to say. What should I put in subject box? I don't want him
> to read it and think it's just spam then delete without opening
> ...


There's a possibility that you can retrieve those deleted e-mails off the hard drive if it hasn't been formatted since. Particularly if at the time, he was using a hard drive installed e-mail program; such as Outlook. There is software available (Recover My Email) for around $100 that can recover them. They will be in the PST file folder if Outlook was used.

That's how I got the POSOM's e-mails to my wife (3600 of them).


----------



## broken30 (Apr 9, 2013)

Your probably right in it being a revenge thing however, I still feel he's had a right to know. I would no matter how long ago it happened.
I will check out this program. I know it was outlook with an AOL acct. not very smart with this stuff and had thought about taking it to "I Spy" or somewhere like that. I really really want those back.


----------



## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

I sent a message via facebook and text. Asked if he was married to XYZ and to call because I had information he needed to know.

Then I waited. When he responded, I asked if he wanted the proof and sent it when he asked.

I apologized to him for bringing it to his attention and he apologized for his wife's behavior considering she was a serial cheater.


----------



## Chris989 (Jul 3, 2012)

broken30 said:


> Your probably right in it being a revenge thing however, I still feel he's had a right to know. I would no matter how long ago it happened.
> I will check out this program. I know it was outlook with an AOL acct. not very smart with this stuff and had thought about taking it to "I Spy" or somewhere like that. I really really want those back.


Hi,

There are several open source solutions to recover deleted files. I've had to do this several times over the years and found that there is little correlation between how much you pay and how good something is at recovering previously deleted files.

Also, you owe it to the other partner to tell the truth about what happened. One of my favourite maxims: " 'Tis but for a few good men to do nothing for Evil to thrive".

Let me know if you would like further information. It depends on which OS you are using (Windows XP, Vista, 7, Mac OSx etc.).


----------



## broken30 (Apr 9, 2013)

Badmemory and Chris989

Thank you for the help and I will contact you for further information.

Sqeakr.... Thanks for your input however, I don't consider it as rug sweeping. As I stated, at the time, being close to retirement and all the possible career repercussion for WH action,my family would have suffered in many ways. I had to put my kids and our future 1st.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

broken30 said:


> Sqeakr.... Thanks for your input however, I don't consider it as rug sweeping. As I stated, at the time, being close to retirement and all the possible career repercussion for WH action,my family would have suffered in many ways. I had to put my kids and our future 1st.


Whether the reasoning for your actions was justified or not (and whether you believe they were or not) it is still rug sweeping? Others here have been accused of the same when they reacted the same way for things such as family obligations or illness/ health issues. If I do the same because my kids are close to 18 and I just want to not affect my family or be cheap and not pay child support, I am rug sweeping the situation until which time it comes out again or is easier to address (and usually it is not easier).

I am curious if your husband has ever been really held accountable for his part (as you have stated that it is somewhat revenge driven), as your story doesn't say, but reads as though he has gotten off pretty easily.


----------

