# He lifts me up then breaks me down



## Ebbie123 (May 12, 2015)

I have been with my husband for 15 years. We started dating when I was only 17 & he was 19. I'm now 33 & he's 35. But we have only been married 2 years....that's another story. 
Anyway, when we met, I was quite a bit thinner (I've honestly gained nearly 100 lbs since we met when I was 17). We have 1 kid together.
He tells me all the time how beautiful & sexy I am. & he loves "thick" women .... Then when he feels like he has a bug up his butt, he lashes out at me & tells me how fat I am. He tells me I need to go to the gym, eat better and so forth. 
It's starting to bother me to the point I'm very depressed because one minute he says I'm great & when he's angry, he tells me how horrible I am. 
Truth is, I'm overweight & I feel horrible. I want to change it, but I feel fatigued from mental stress (I've also owned my own business for 6 years). I really want him to love me regardless, but I don't think that happens in real life. He wants what he wants I guess.


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## Ebbie123 (May 12, 2015)

Exactly. But when I try to explain that, he thinks I'm exaggerating & trying to make him look like a villan. 

I honestly think he doesn't like the way I look....just not sure why he ever says he does...


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## Brigit (Apr 28, 2015)

Ebbie123 said:


> I have been with my husband for 15 years. We started dating when I was only 17 & he was 19. I'm now 33 & he's 35. But we have only been married 2 years....that's another story.
> Anyway, when we met, I was quite a bit thinner (I've honestly gained nearly 100 lbs since we met when I was 17). We have 1 kid together.
> He tells me all the time how beautiful & sexy I am. & he loves "thick" women .... Then when he feels like he has a bug up his butt, he lashes out at me & tells me how fat I am. He tells me I need to go to the gym, eat better and so forth.
> It's starting to bother me to the point I'm very depressed because one minute he says I'm great & when he's angry, he tells me how horrible I am.
> Truth is, I'm overweight & I feel horrible. I want to change it, but I feel fatigued from mental stress (I've also owned my own business for 6 years). I really want him to love me regardless, but I don't think that happens in real life. He wants what he wants I guess.



100 pounds is a lot of weight. How did you gain so much?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think losing the hundred would make you feel better, no matter what. I recommend low fat vegan.

Hon, it is pretty normal for a woman to look to her man for reassurance. I certainly do. A good man will steady you when you are feeling insecure.

Your man does not have the emotional stability to do this. I would make plans to dissolve the relationship if I were you. One of your deepest emotional needs is not being met. You are young, economically independent, and can (relatively) easily start over.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

Ebbie123 said:


> I have been with my husband for 15 years. We started dating when I was only 17 & he was 19. I'm now 33 & he's 35. But we have only been married 2 years....that's another story.
> Anyway, when we met, I was quite a bit thinner (I've honestly gained nearly 100 lbs since we met when I was 17). We have 1 kid together.
> He tells me all the time how beautiful & sexy I am. & he loves "thick" women .... Then when he feels like he has a bug up his butt, he lashes out at me & tells me how fat I am. He tells me I need to go to the gym, eat better and so forth.
> It's starting to bother me to the point I'm very depressed because one minute he says I'm great & when he's angry, he tells me how horrible I am.
> Truth is, I'm overweight & I feel horrible. I want to change it, but I feel fatigued from mental stress (I've also owned my own business for 6 years). I really want him to love me regardless, but I don't think that happens in real life. He wants what he wants I guess.




Why don't you try in having a serious discussion with your spouse so that you can find if he really is attracted to you or not and why. Because it could be your attitude toward you that he doesn't like or he feels pressured in reassuring you all the time.

And after that decide what do you want to do, lose weight or not or maybe just go shopping and choose really sexy clothes and be provocative with him and see his reaction.

Try in getting a makeover, including your attitude and be sexy!


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## Ebbie123 (May 12, 2015)

Kristisha said:


> Why don't you try in having a serious discussion with your spouse so that you can find if he really is attracted to you or not and why. Because it could be your attitude toward you that he doesn't like or he feels pressured in reassuring you all the time.
> 
> And after that decide what do you want to do, lose weight or not or maybe just go shopping and choose really sexy clothes and be provocative with him and see his reaction.
> 
> Try in getting a makeover, including your attitude and be sexy!



I think it may be the opposite. It's HIS attitude about me. Although the I've gained weight, I don't let him know it bothers me. I actually pretend to be more confident than I am. I think it irritates him because he believes I think I look great. & he probably feels I shouldn't.


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## Ebbie123 (May 12, 2015)

Brigit said:


> 100 pounds is a lot of weight. How did you gain so much?


Hummmm...how _DO_ people gain weight over 14 years?
Stress, depression, lack of rest, depression, bad eating habits, having kids, depression, life....
Was that a serious question?
Besides, although we've been "together" 14/15 years, we just got married 2 years ago & I haven't gained a pound...so why did he marry me anyway if it was such an issue?


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