# Wife trying sabotage my diet



## Ricky2424 (Jul 23, 2012)

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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Your wife isnt being very kind or supportive.

That said, you CAN choose make make healthy choices at a restaurant. You are an adult.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

I understand the beginning stages of getting the ball rolling and having support from all around and I'm sorry as it doesn't look like you are getting that but as POI has said, it's still up to YOU to have some sort of willpower. If you are ever to conquer your fight against being overweight, it's going to take, eventually breaking down the walls and being able to go to restaurants, parties, etc.

I try to eat healthy, at least most of the time but I love to eat, I'm very active and eat many times a day so the key was not cutting down on eating it was taking the fight to the food and finding foods i could eat all the time and anywhere. This means going out to eat and finding stuff that tastes good but isn't a diet killer, that can be found at any restaurant and while some may argue, any fast food place too!

I know how it feels not to get support but you have to be bigger than that, which means taking full responsibility for your own eating actions.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I'm sorry that your wife isn't being helpful. 

And I understand. It's kind of like the folks here who have themselves banned because they don't trust that they can stay away.

It's really just about rewiring habits. It'll be uncomfortable for a couple of weeks, but then the desires dissipate.

And since your wife wants to eat differently than you, get in the mindset of doing it on your own.

Start small. 

Take a few hours and wander around the grocery store - usually just the perimeter. Everything inbetween is processed. Find stuff you'd genuinely enjoy eating. Steamed/raw veggies are super easy and inexpensive. Do you like seafood? Broiling fish, baking scallops. Find whatever you like. 

Encourage your wife to eat out without you, and do your own thing.

Take a walk early in the morning or in the evening - or do some yard work. 

If you have the space, put your food in a different part of the house until you get confident about not eating the stuff she buys and puts in the kitchen.

Seperate yourself mentally and physcially, and do what's healthy for you.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Ricky, don't blame your problems on your wife. You make your own choices and no one is responsible for them but you. You choose to let her cook and eat her food, and you choose to eat out. If you want to lose weight how about you spend some time in the kitchen and cook lean meats with steamed veggies and give your wife a break from cooking? Same thing goes for her wanting to eat out. Just tell her that you want to cook a nice meal for her while she relaxes at home, then head to the kitchen or fire up your grill. 

As far as weight loss goes the general rule is 3500 calories is a pound. So if you overeat by that much you gain a pound and if you diet or exercise off that 3500 calories then you lose a pound. Go on myfitnesspal and create an account to start tracking your calories and exercise, then you can plan your diet better. You also need to decide how important weight loss really is for you. Fat people tend to like to blame external factors for why they can't lose weight when they really should be looking internally and asking why they don't want it enough to commit to it. I exercise 5-7 days a week and eat healthy, and my body shows it. It is my choice just as it would be my choice to not exercise or work out, and I'd never blame that on anyone.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

There's two sides to this issue. I'd say you have a valid point that she is undermining your weight loss effort (not sure I think it is conscious sabotage.) On the other hand, is she never to go to a restaurant or cook pasta because you have no self-control?

It would be nice if she were more supportive, but you are ultimately responsible for your own choices. Is there no way to compromise? Perhaps you could eat out one day a week and you could cook a healthier meal the other day she is off? Do you prepare your own food or do you rely on her? You don't have to eat what she makes.

The reason you are overweight is that you make poor choices. Don't choose to be powerless and blame it on your wife's habits. Your fate is in your own hands. Focus on what you can control. Your own actions.

Good luck. Losing weight is a worthwhile endeavor.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Ricky2424 said:


> Wife always complaining that I am over weight for many years, which I agree i am overweight.
> I told her I cant do that because I have no will power..


1) you cannot lose weight to keep your wife from complaining. It's not a motivation which comes from inside YOU. That's the only kind of motivation which is sufficient to empower people to change ingrained habits.

"Agreeing" that you're overweight won't cut it, either. You have to HATE being overweight, and for your own reasons. Not your wife's.

2) You probably see very little reason to exercise your will power to lose weight. Perhaps, you see very little reward coming for all the effort it will require.....or, you recognize that the reward of your wife's admiration will not be given, even if you're svelte. 

However, I want you to understand that you do, indeed, HAVE will power. You have plenty of will power which impels you to eat lots of your wife's pasta..... that is an exercise of your will....you have the will power to make that choice and cause your body to obey that choice.



Ricky2424 said:


> she told me i am weak and have no self control.


Both of these statements are incorrect. You are definitely not "weak", because you will order what you want in a restaurant despite her disdain for it. A "weak" person would order food which placates her, then eat 6 candy bars in the car on the way to work. Your actions in ordering what you want is an application of self-control.

Basically, as I see it, you have two choices:

1) you can remain overweight and disrespected by your wife;

2) you can normalize your body weight and will most likely continue to be disrespected by your wife.

But, as a consideration, I want to "throw this out there"....

If you normalize your weight, you will gain self-esteem. If you have a better self-opinion, you will probably then tell your wife not to let the door hit her in the a$$ on her way the hell outa here..... that she has a choice, to be supportive and edifying to you, or she can live her life alone while you find someone who will be your supportive and edifying wife.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

I know it's hard, but your wife should be able to eat what she wants. It is YOUR diet.
Drop way down on the carbs (including NO PASTA!!!!!) - just meat/veg until you start really losing weight.

What worked for me was to allow myself ONE cheat meal per month -- eat WHATEVER, however much, you want for ONE meal. 
Then back to the diet. You just have to get some self-discipline -- I know that is easier said than done, but once you start dropping the weight and feeling better about yourself, and you get past that carb-craving stage, you will fee GREAT about what you did.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Ricky, Making a big life shift usually requires a good deal of extra support which you don't have. I think MinimalME gave good direction as to tackling it yourself. I would sit your wife down and tell her you are planning on getting on the right track and you plan to do it yourself unless she can be 100% supportive and helpful. 

Start with making a 1 month personal commitment to go ultra restrictive on your diet. Eat only healthy non processed foods, go very heavy on raw fruit and veggies, whole grains, go for nuts and beans for protein. Stay away from any animal protein. The idea is to clear out the cravings for the refined carbs and processed foods which are essentially addictive. Do some research on healthy eating how many calories and the nutritional profiles of various foods and do you shopping for a specific weekly meal plan and stick to the plan like your life depends on it. The meal plan should cover all food intake meals and snacks. Drink lots of water no soda or alcohol. 

Exercise daily, walk a few miles do some lunges pushups sit ups anything to get your heart rate up and your muscles working, don't sit for too long at work without getting up and walking around for a few minutes. Every week add 5-10 minutes to your workouts and increase intensity adding in more and more muscle building exercises. 

The combination of healthy eating and exercise is going to make you feel like a million bucks after a month. You're going to have much more energy, your mood will improve, your going to find healthy replacements for the stuff you use to crave. The idea is to get you addicted to feeling awesome. When you start to reintroduce breads and meats back into your diet go for the healthy options, whole grain breads, lean meats. Find healthy snacks you like so you don't grab crappy sugary snacks and fall back into that cycle. 

It's about breaking cycles and habits. 

The will power thing is an excuse, it always is, you have to say the words to order crappy foods at restaurants. You have to keep stuffing food in your mouth once you're already full. Eating pasta doesn't make you gain weight, eating 3 servings of pasta and then sitting down and watching TV the rest of the day does. That is why having a detailed plan in place is important. When you have a specific plan in place there are no spontaneous decisions to make about food. 

Get some books about proper portion control. There are also some really good apps you can use like livestrong that make it easy to track you calorie intake and exercise. You want to be burning more calories than you take in. 

Take any decision making of your own out of the equation until you have enough motivation from success to make good ones.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You HAVE to learn some self control and willpower or you will never succeed on your weight loss journey. Its the hardest part for anyone, for sure. BUT, shame on your wife for not being supportive, especially if she complains about your weight! That's just mean spirited.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

I have lost alot of weight off and on over the years. WHat works for me is to plan "treat meals". That way I can stay on track and not feel like I can never again eat out.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

Oh and Ricky you didn't gain whatever you lost in a week in 1 meal. It is from the extra salt in the food. I can be up as much as 6 lbs when I go off plan for a few days and eat too much. I lower the cals, clean up the salty food and within 4 or 5 days I am down 5 or 6 lbs. It is just water weight.

Go find an online calculator for men. height, age, weight. Put no activity. It should show you how many cals a day you need to MAINTAIN your weight with NO extra activity. 

Just say that is 2,500 for you. So then you cut back 500 cals a day. That is 3,500 cals in one week which = a 1 lb loss. Then figure out an exercise you like, or walking. Figure out what you have to do exercise wise to lose another 1 lb a week. That is 2 lbs a week x 4 weeks = 8 in a month. 

Those calculators aren't perfect, but gives you an idea.

I track my cals on fitday.com.


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

You can lose weight and still do carbs. You just need to limit them. The junkier carbs make you want more though. 

I have gotten to where I can have 1-2 chicken thighs, 1 cup mashed potatoes, and a salad or veggie on the side for diner. And lose weight eating like that. The thing is for me to keep it to 1 cup, not just pile potatoes on the plate. 

Mex food. I measure. 1 tortilla (check carbs) and then do 1/4 cup or 1/2 a cup of beans. Then weigh out lean ground beef or chicken breast, a little bit of cheese. 

My usual carb goal for lunch or dinner is a max of 45 each meal. I am a female though. Males may need a little more.

Don't starve yourself. 

Find what foods you like and make them work for you.

I can still do spaghetti, I will measure, but can't do rolls or french bread with it or my carbs will go to high. Unless Its a cheat meal.

Alot of times I make my own tortillas, sometimes I even do whole wheat flour.

When I do bread for lunch I do 100% whole wheat.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Your wife does not sound supportive. It almost sounds like she is doing this on purpose so she can keep criticizing your weight. Like you were saying about being an alcoholic but going to bars. If the weight bothers her and she wants you to lose it, she needs to be working with you to make that happen. I wonder if she'll find something else to criticize you about after you lose the weight? Like, maybe you don't exercise enough, make enough money, etc. Is she a natural criticizer and weight is just the topic she has currently chosen?

Do you want to lose weight for yourself? If she never said anything about your weight, would you change anything? If you want to lose weight yourself, then you'll be most successful. 

It also sounds like you may have some issues with controlling your eating. If you are put in certain situations, it sounds like you can't limit yourself. If that's the case, you might want to look into some groups like Overeaters Anonymous to learn ways to get more control over it. Just like an alcoholic has to learn many things and make many changes in order to stay clean, you may have to change many things in order to get your eating under control.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your wife doesn't really want you to lose weight. 

Start cooking for yourself and don't rely on her to choose meals for you. Compromise on one meal out a week instead of two. If she insisted on going out two nights a week then she can go alone the second night. Take charge and don't let her bully you into doing something you don't want to do.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I posted a while back with the same issue. 

How is the rest of your relationship?

Couple things to think about. When going out to eat, ask for a take home box to be brought with the meal. When the plate lands in front of you, HALF everything and put into take home box. Eat it for breakfast or lunch the next day.

Start walking, at least a mile a day if possible.

Lift weights at least 2 times a week. It helps keep your motor running longer.

Figure out why you eat, I am a nervous eater. When the IT Helpline rings & I gotta deal with it, I start getting the cravings. Walking for me helps deal with the stress.

DO NOT drink diet soda, you will get more cravings drinking diet soda than just water.

Do you get enough magnesium? I've found that adding that to my diet helped me lose weight.

If ya want to do some social experimentation, make up your mind your gonna lose 40 pounds.
Say NOTHING to your wife. If ya go out to eat, just order a Taco Salad, and skip the shell. (I lose best on lower carb meals).

I love grilled food. So I keep thawed skinless, boneless chicken breasts in the fridge, quick marinade & I can have them on the grill, or Foreman grill quickly.

Don't talk about losing weight, just do it. Ya gotta get to the point of being so sick of being heavy that you get royally pissed off.

Watch & observe how your wife reacts as the weight goes off.

Does she have low self esteem and you retaining weight makes her feel more comfortable in relationship?

Ten bucks says as the weight goes off, she starts baking your favorite desserts.

Every time she does this, let them get moldy on the kitchen counter and keep lifting weights. Use it for motivation. (I've been called sick & twisted before). Then punish her for baking treats by banging her hard on the kitchen counter.

ps- drink lots of water, losing weight needs lots of water to metabolize fat & also prevent any kidney stones.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

I call all of this "wife trying to sabotage.."" rubbish. She is not holding a gun to your head.

This is just your turn of the mill typical person unable to take responsibility for their own ****, and blames it on everybody's. 

Your typical self-entitled individual in today's world. 

Yeah, your wife is sabotaging your diet..NOT. YOU ARE.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> I call all of this "wife trying to sabotage.."" rubbish. She is not holding a gun to your head.
> 
> This is just your turn of the mill typical person unable to take responsibility for their own ****, and blames it on everybody's.
> 
> ...


Yep.


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