# So....am I considered a Walk-away wife???



## TGTLTBTS (Sep 16, 2011)

I was just wondering if I was considered a walk-away wife if I decide I don't or can't work out the issues I have in my marriage??

I have other posts explaining the conditions within my marriage but the short story is we have not had sexual relations in over 9 years and he is fine with avoiding issues. Going to therapists now and planning to separate end of February.

Am I considered a WAW just because now he has decided he doesnt want a divorce.....even if it is for the sake of our kids and to save his reputation in our community?? And because I want to "live" the second part of my life?


----------



## 381917 (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't know what a walk-away wife is exactly but I don't think it is acceptable for a person to deny their spouse sex (I'm talking ongoing, not just every once in awhile) unless they are unable physically to have sex. That is not a husband or wife, that is a roommate. I would not even consider staying with someone who expected me to live like that.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You just sound like someone who tried against all odds and finally got fed up w/ it.

If he wants to try & you're ok with that, let him have another shot at saving your marriage.


----------



## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

381917 said:


> I don't know what a walk-away wife is exactly but I don't think it is acceptable for a person to deny their spouse sex (I'm talking ongoing, not just every once in awhile) unless they are unable physically to have sex. That is not a husband or wife, that is a roommate. I would not even consider staying with someone who expected me to live like that.


Agree... if you really can't get him to hold up his end by working through the issues with you and fixing them, then he's closing the door on your relationship. 9 years w/o sex is downright cruel - no one should have to live with that.

I don't think staying in a relationship for kids' sake is a good idea... that could actually lead to unhealthy / worse situations in the future like resenting the kids or subjecting them to horrible arguments, possibly violence, etc...

Financially your kids will have the support they need if your divorce, and separation will probably guarantee they have the mental sanity from you as well to help nurture their well-being as you continue to raise them.


----------



## Dadof3 (Mar 14, 2011)

I would say "what took you so long?". In my opinion, its another form of abuse (withholding affection from a spouse)


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

There is a youtube video from Michele Werner Davis that explains the WAW. There are specifics that I learned about oh too well. Generally, if the husband thinks everything is fine and the wife has been planning an exit strategy for months, maybe years, I believe that qualifies. Yours sounds like you are both aware of the problem for a very long time.

Marriage Counseling?


----------



## KittyKat (May 11, 2008)

Go. Leave. Run. Fast.

Your situation is no different than someone who has been mentally abused for 9 yrs or physically abused.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

TGTLTBTS said:


> Am I considered a WAW just because now he has decided he doesnt want a divorce.....even if it is for the sake of our kids and to save his reputation in our community?? And because I want to "live" the second part of my life?


IMO these are not the reasons to stay married. 

9 years? I'd also be saying what took you so long. 

I hope you get some clarity and understanding with your sessions for yourself, and can help support your children during this. Best wishes to you.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

TGTLTBTS said:


> I was just wondering if I was considered a walk-away wife if I decide I don't or can't work out the issues I have in my marriage??


 No you are not considered a walk-away wife. A walk-away wife just walks out of the marraige without trying to fix the issues, and without even telling the husband that their were issues. You have gone 9 years without sex. You tried more than most would. Many posters (myself included) are actually wondering what took you so long? Again, you are not a walk-away wife because you did not just walk-away.

Good luck, I hope you find happiness.


----------



## TGTLTBTS (Sep 16, 2011)

Thanks everyone for the responses. We are both in IC right now and will start MC once we separate at the end of next month. H has been aware of problems and my unhappiness for years and years, what made me ask for the most part is the fact that now he doesn't want to end our marriage yet I am so emotionally detached I don't know that I could ever be able to reconnect or if I even want to attempt to.

He always knew what was being ignored was wrong yet when separation was brought up in the Spring last year he acted shocked because he never thought I would actually leave. WTF? How can you possibly be surprised.

I am working & praying on an answer so that I can be happy, be a better mom and raise happy healthy children.....and I have posted this before but I take nothing away from H as a father, he is the absolute best father I could have for my kids. As a husband...not so good.


----------



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Update please if your still on earth
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

KittyKat said:


> Your situation is no different than someone who has been mentally abused for 9 yrs or physically abused.


I hope you are joking.


----------



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

Yeah I see a big difference. But I understand what she means. When one marries they expect a healthy balanced relationship (emotional,physical, financial). Him not being intimate with his wife in 9 years yes I consider it abuse. Could be mental abuse . She probably felt rejected for so long
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

synthetic said:


> I hope you are joking.


Being rejected sexually for 9 years is a form of emotional abuse.

I would not compare emotional abuse to physcial abuse. Apples and oranges.


----------



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Being rejected sexually for 9 years is a form of emotional abuse.
> 
> I would not compare emotional abuse to physcial abuse. Apples and oranges.


Yes I agree. I did this to my ex (not as bad but bad enough) I guess that's a sign of unhappiness or lack of love for the rejector (still no excuse)

Best thing to do is work through these issues and figure out what is wrong so it won't happen again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

A walk away wife is someone who leaves suddenly, without warning or apparent reason. 




TGTLTBTS said:


> I was just wondering if I was considered a walk-away wife if I decide I don't or can't work out the issues I have in my marriage??
> 
> I have other posts explaining the conditions within my marriage but the short story is we have not had sexual relations in over 9 years and he is fine with avoiding issues. Going to therapists now and planning to separate end of February.
> 
> Am I considered a WAW just because now he has decided he doesnt want a divorce.....even if it is for the sake of our kids and to save his reputation in our community?? And because I want to "live" the second part of my life?


----------

