# Female Sex Drive



## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Ok fair is fair... Male Sex Drive (In Men's clubhouse) has pretty much defined the male drive. Females your turn.....


Can you please explain in detail what your female sex drive is? 

I want to know some answers: Is it a drive or more pleasing your male partner? How does sex feel? What happens when you get it and don't get it? How can women cope without sex and how long can you go without? Is it essentially nice but not required? Does it change if so how?
What triggers wanting sex? What do you like?

Thanks for your detail and honesty... a sexually repressed male in search of answers.


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

Two hours later and no one gives a ****?


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I give two ****s. I honestly do.

Some do it because its fun, some to please the husband, some do it as a chore, and often times there is mix of the three reasons, and Im sure there are many more reasons I left out.

Based on your first post, your going to get a pile of answers that run the gamut.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> Not something I can really explain. I can tell you it is variable, sometimes I'm more interested than other times, it varies depending on the time in the monthly cycle. What gets me wanting sex, outside hormonally driven times, is when I feel close to my husband through having done something fun or bonding with him like going out somewhere, or when I perceive him as being manly. When he's come across as weak that makes me not interested.


Thats a great explanation, wifeofhusband. I doubt the OP is fishing for any specific response.


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

Hey bright eyes. Wanna deal with this please? Inquiring male minds want to know the deal with the female sex drive. 

Feel free to shed extras intense lighting on the female sex drive after the three year honeymoon period when woman shut down from romantic neglect. 

After all that is where the trouble starts

Then finish strong with a rekindling strategy for sexless marriages

Or like sock puppet would articulate what makes woman want to **** more


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## square1 (Oct 31, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Ok fair is fair... Male Sex Drive (In Men's clubhouse) has pretty much defined the male drive. Females your turn.....
> 
> 
> Can you please explain in detail what your female sex drive is?
> ...


For me it is a mix of both. I have a drive to want/need to have sex but also I do get satisfaction out of pleasing my husband. 



> How does sex feel?


I'm not really sure what to say here. You want a physical or emotional response?

Emotionally sex provides that close connection that I only want with my husband. He is the only one I want and need to share my body withand doing so fills me with many good emotions like satisfaction, feeling needed and wanted, attractive.

physically sex just feels damn good. Best feeling during sex for me is when he first enters. Omg its just great




> What happens when you get it and don't get it?


I may get a lil cranky or *****y when I dont get it but when I do I'm extremely happy and feel like since my needs are getting filled I should make sure my husband is getting his filled to.



> How can women cope without sex and how long can you go without?


 its hard for me to cope without sex only because I'm not really turned on by self pleasure unless my husband is involved in some way even if he just watches.

And how long I can go without depends on the situation. With my husband being in the army he has his 2 weeks away and that drives me crazy but the longest we really have gone without sex was almost 6 months when he first joined the army and had boot camp and ait. side note I got pregnant when he came home at the end of it all.I seriously would wake him up in the middle of the night to have sex. I had a lot of catching up to do.



> Is it essentially nice but not required? Does it change if so how?


for me it is nice AND required. Can't say it changed for me where i felt it wasn't required. For me i need that connection with my husband.



> What triggers wanting sex? What do you like?


This depend on my mood really. One thing that always puts me in the mood though is a back massage. Or sitting together and he kisses the back of my neck, its on then. I also get turned on by watching him workout.and during his drill weekend I can't keep myself off of him something about the uniform drives me nuts. He is also in law enforcement so I get to see a uniform everyday. Guess its a fetish??



> Thanks for your detail and honesty... a sexually repressed male in search of answers.


I hope you get some answers cause if you are like me not having a regular sex life (one in which both partners are happy with quantity/quality) just sucks.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

NoIssues said:


> Or like sock puppet would articulate what makes woman want to **** more


At least you get me.


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

wifeofhusband said:


> Does the honeymoon period have to be over after a few years?
> 
> _*Its an established biological fact that endorphions are released in ape **** fashion in the beginning of a relationship. It is also a biologivcal fact that it wears off after awhile.
> 
> ...


With the proper skills and commitment we can lessen some of the ebb and flow that you describe more to our liking


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> Is it a drive or more pleasing your male partner?


 In my answers , I will give a BEFORE my awakening, DURING the Awakening (early 40's for a duration of 8 months), and AFTER Awakening (last 2 years)...

*BEFORE* - I was sexually repressed, followed me into marriage to some extent -always questioning the dirtiness of many wonderful things (how unfortunate). I felt ashamed & guilty about "enjoying" fleshly pleasures such as touching myself & touching my boyfriend - since we were not married & this went against the purity teaching I was being taught. But we did it anyway cause it felt so damn good, couldn't control myself, nor did I/we want too. I literally NEEDED to have an orgasm like once a week or I was craving it & would chase my husband down. Yes, it would come over me after a time. No feeling more heavenly on earth. If I was reading a romance novel or watching a sexy movie, I was EASILY aroused, a guaranteed arousal infact. But strangely, once I had that orgasm, I remember feeling "well, I am good for a week". Don't ask me why- I can not relate to this now at all. 

*DURING*: My drive suddenly went into OVERDRIVE +++, I feel everything that was pent up inside of me the last 19 yrs of our marriage came flooding to the surface in expression (Flirting flowed like a natural river) & through my touch, I almost felt pain if I could not Play with my husband. I swear I lost every inhibition I ever had, watching porn was never something I would have enjoyed, NOW it became my favorite DVD time, I rented it ! I found myself undressing evey man I seen in public, hormonally my mind was hi-jacked, and my body NEEDED sex, I was "ready to go" 24/7, no forplay needed. 

I wanted to please My husband so darn much that if he didn't want me too, I would seriously get irritated (I bet some men can relate to this!). I became very sexually Creative, seductive, bought much lingerie to spice anything & everything up. Thankfully he was eating this up - even if he couldn't keep up. I wanted it 3 times a day but needed to settle on once a day. 1st time I ever had 2 orgasms in a row. I also caused fights over feeling he didn't "desire" me the way I was desiring him (I can be so demanding). I was more aggressive & wanted him to be more aggressive. No drugs, pills or creams brought this on, it was truly a phenomenon. I call it my "Mid life Crisis" -but it was 100% sexual. 

*AFTER* I would say hormonally my drive is EXACTLY what it was before my awakening experience but since MY erotic mind was so mighty OPENED 
during this time to understand my husband, men, the JOY and need of sex, the exhileration of trying new things, different places, more playful affection....that I still want sex every single day or close to it.... I/we CRAVE the "*emotional connection*" , it drives us both. But I no longer get bent out of shape about his not being aggressive enough or questioning his desire, all meltdowns ended. And once again, I NEED forplay!! I want to please him always, even if I am not hot, my enthusiam in the act is so much ,that he would never suspect it! I am forever changed. 




> How does sex feel?


 Nothing satifys my personal longing for love more than emotionally connecting in love making. I have had orgasms bring me to tears. 



> What happens when you get it and don't get it?


 When we connect or I am anticipating, I am on top of the world, flooded with joy, it carries me through the day. When I have had my hopes up for it and it didn't happen, I have gotten either very emotional and or/causing fights (the DURING phase only). 



> How can women cope without sex and how long can you go without?


 For me, not at all easily, I would wither , not feel loved, feel like I was missing one of the greatest joys of living. I assume I could go about a week, just like I used to be, but we never wait that long, so I don't know. 



> Is it essentially nice but not required?


 For me, required- essestial -the difference between happiness and misery. I would seriously break up my marriage over this issue. Even back in my past, had he left me hanging-didn't want me, I would have felt the same. It was needed then as well. I do not handle rejection well. 



> What triggers wanting sex?


 Loving my husband & wanting to express that love. His touch, or something I see/read that arouses me. 



> What do you like?


 The sky is the limit, so long as it is monogomous. Though anal holds no appeal, and he wouldn't allow it anyway.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My husband and I are emotionally and physically connected. He takes time every night to snuggle, hold hands and talk while watching television at least 30 minutes without the dogs or kids interrupting. My husband does all the shopping and helps around the house. He always has put my needs before his own. We've been married 12 wonderful years. 

I love making love/having sex with my husband. I love giving him oral as well. Lately it's been 4-6 days a week unless I have my period. Having sex while menstruating really gives me bad cramps and makes me feel ill, so we take those 4-6 days off. Everyday we flirt, touch one another, and a lot of times we make comments when we are in the mood. I'm pretty much in the mood everyday, but I'm also in my mid 30's. I think/fantasize about sex with only my husband everyday. I never fantasize about other men.

It wasn't always this frequent. There are several events that happened to slow our bedroom life down. When our kids were little it was exhausting to find the time. It was at a halt for a while when I broke my neck and had surgery. I do hope it continues on the frequent path. My husband has never ever pressured me or complained when our sex was at a minimum. It makes me feel good to please my husband. He is the SEXIEST man I ever laid eyes on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

*I want to know some answers: Is it a drive or more pleasing your male partner? How does sex feel? What happens when you get it and don't get it? How can women cope without sex and how long can you go without? Is it essentially nice but not required? Does it change if so how?
What triggers wanting sex? What do you like?*

This is interesting, I think about sex all the time, but I never think about drive. (Which is why I had to copy and paste the questions, to keep me on track...)

It's not really about pleasing my male partner, but of course that is one of my goals when we go at it. It's more ...just there... hoping for (and since meeting my current H 5 years ago) attaining MUTUAL maximum pleasure! I'm 49, he is 54... and it is the "maximum pleasure" that is unreal, still...after 5 years you'd think we'd settle into something more predictable and "nice"...LOL. But every time is better than the last, the frequency (6 times a week usually), variety, and the pleasure are beyond outstanding. Like I'm gushing 5 years later...lol linguistically and otherwise!

How do I handle not getting any? There was only a short time between divorce and new H where I didn't get any....maybe 5 mos. I don't think it bothered me much, because I didn't miss the mediocre sex that I'd been having (the once a week and no more sex that is good enough but kind of a chore with no variety) and was looking forward to single life and new sex! BUT... I THINK (and knock on wood... I haven't been tested on this yet) that lack of sex itself would not be a deal breaker for me. It's when it's a lack of effort, or lack of desire that is a problem. If it were a medical/physical reason and there were other forms of intimacy, then I think I'd be ok with no sex. The way I see it, sex with this H has been so phenomenal that if we could never have it again, I'd still be satisfied.... (I know, easy to say when it doesn't apply!)

Does it change? In my case, yes! It's become increasingly better.... but that is due to finding a similar minded partner! The difference in being well-matched is amazing. There is no bad time for sex, there is no "maybe later", there is no "not enough time".... either I have less sleep (and it's WELL worth it!) or we play earlier!!! 

What triggers wanting sex? Hmmmm.... breathing? Waking up and seeing him smile at me. Flirting all day via text, touches, looks, .... it's constant and very connecting. Just KNOWING that the other person desires you that much is a huge turn on. I think we just stay turned on. It makes me WANT to dress sexy, or talk sexy to him! Sweet school marm by day, sexy vixen by nite! 

What do I like? Having a partner who is like-minded is the biggest! We can each make a suggestion at any time, and neither gets ridiculed or just shut down for even thinking of it. So I like spontanaiety, like stopping at a river on a long drive and "getting back to nature".:smthumbup: Or.... taking the time to prepare before bed.... all showered and shaved and nice smelling and smooth with candles, low music, toys and whatever.... Physical teasing, sexually.... mini bj in the car or the backyard or a dark parking lot,... or leaving the panties at home so one of us can be touching ME! (Works well either way!) :smthumbup: But of course, it all comes back to the willingness of the partner. I didn't even get to start having all this fun till I turned 44ish and met my current H.


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## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Ok fair is fair... Male Sex Drive (In Men's clubhouse) has pretty much defined the male drive. Females your turn.....
> 
> 
> Can you please explain in detail what your female sex drive is?
> ...


-I guess most people would consider it extremely high. At the begining of my marriage me and my husband did it on average twice a day. With my first pregnancy..atleast once a day. And before he left, atleast 5-6 times a week.
-I like pleasing my husband, but I need to be pleased as well. Its great seeing his reaction to things I do for and to him, but it isnt all about him.
-When its done right, it feels like..well words cant explain.
-When I dont get it, you can tell somethings up. WHen I do get it..yea.
-Its been 5 months, and I want to rip my hair out. We cope without sex the way men do..except we use toys.
-Its REQUIRED. I would never be able to be with someone who didnt have the same sex drive as me.
- It most def changes. Depending on mood and whatever else is going on. Sometimes for the better sometimes not so much.
-For me, just about anything can trigger wanting sex. When he was home and came home dressed in his cammis..I wanted sex. When he was at work and sent me a picture of himself, I wanted sex. When he would rub my back, I wanted sex..If I saw someone attractive at the store and he smiled at me, I wanted sex..I can go on and on here.
-Haha, you really dont want to know the answer to that one, trust me. Some of it is cliche..like nothing beats a good ol' rub down..some of it is a but more rough and tough. Everyones different. 

Hope this helped.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Ok fair is fair... Male Sex Drive (In Men's clubhouse) has pretty much defined the male drive. Females your turn.....
> 
> 
> Can you please explain in detail what your female sex drive is?
> ...


I haven't read the Men's thread. I can tell you about _my_ sex drive. I won't blanket this as female sex drive though.

It's both a drive and pleasing my husband. I have thought about this and what I thought was just my natural "drive" has to also be a result of him fulfilling my needs. It's the way he shows me respect, the way he cares for us, the way he carries himself. I think I have always been flirtatious and somewhat sensual but I also continue to be attracted to him because of who he is. That's not to say it's been 16 years of incredible passion for us. Sure, mutual attraction and affection has always been there but we've certainly endured sexual ebbs and flows. It seems now that we have gone through some awakening moments together, our relationship as a whole has become stronger.

Sex feels amazing to me. It's the way I express how I feel about him. It helps me feel close to him. It's sharing a moment that is completely vulnerable and inspirational. It's allowing myself to ignore any insecurities that I might normally feel, to be free with him. In feeling that, is an acknowledgement that I accept his love. In return I want him to be able to let go and feel replenished too. It's an exchange of energy - that is our most intimate, whether it be raw and exciting or delicate and loving. And with this, my physical self feels alive and rejuvenated through the stimulation.

I feel more connected to him and desire him even more, after we've had sex. I can feel shunned and slightly disconnected if we don't have sex (as in having a dry spell). Touch is important to me. And even if for some reason we're not having sex, still knowing that we crave each other and have some form of physical intimacy is needed by me - by both of us.

How long can I go without? Well, I'm not sure. I probably would start climbing the walls but I can have a very disciplined mind when I want. If the love and respect and other good things are there, I'd first understand _why_ and what's going on between us emotionally for this disconnect to be occurring. 

Being able to express and share sexuality is important to me. 

Does it change? Sure. I'm often thinking of sex but the last week or so I've started a new job. I was thrown in the deep-end and doing lots of overtime. Did I think about sex during this? Not really. He still made his desire known but he gave me a bit of space and helped support me as I figured out where I was at with this new job. 

What triggers me to want to have sex? Recently I was having a day off. I thanked him for helping with my transitional week by listening and offering advice, as well as taking care of dishes and groceries while I worked late from home. He was supportive but also said it couldn't continue this way and we talked about me setting boundaries with my job. All of these things have me wanting to be closer to him. He'd been flirting with me and even when I was busy, he'd tell me that he craved me. In the evening we were watching a movie together. His hand began caressing my breast and this lead to hours of foreplay in the best possible way. So what triggers me? ...feeling respected and cared for; him respecting himself; the way he flirts with me and touches me.

What do I like? Sometimes it's the unexpected. I like him to be slightly dominant but he knows there's a timing to this. I also like his humor. At times just giggling in bed together, him making me laugh so hard I forget any stresses, can also lead us into temptation  Ultimately though, I like to know what he likes, for him to express that to me - either through words or actions. I like to know what dirty things he has in mind. I like to know he desires me. I know that he likes when I tease him and this works well for both of us. When that mood suits, I enjoy teasing him to the point that he can't stand it and just has to have me. Does that make sense?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I guess I will answer this comparing and contrasting myself with my H of 23 years.

My drive is very variable. His drive is very constant and stable. This used to drive each of us nuts in the early years of our relationship, but we were apparently both stubborn cusses who decided to stick it out and make it work. 

My drive honestly goes up and down with my monthly cycles. During the midpoint, I can be as likely to jump him for no reason other than I feel an itch for it. At other points, I often don't feel that itch as much, but I can be 'persuaded' fairly easily.

There have been times of illness and even hormonal imbalance (I have low thyroid issues that I have to keep in check and I am now peri-menopausal too) where I have really been able to see just how much physical issues that are out of our control, such as our hormones, can impact your drive.

I have also been able to see how my commitment and my love for him can often overcome some of the things that can get in the way - like stresses and losses and the general crap that you just get by living.

My H and I are probably stereotypical. He is more visually oriented than I am. Honestly, unless it's that midpoint of the month where things are really easy for me, I could probably look at a bunch of naked dudes and just yawn. He sees a bit of a breast and he's practically salivating. But, he's figured out my trigger point - which is touch - especially my feet. 

I do think about sex everyday, but I know that it is not with the same intensity that my H does. I am obviously a lot more 'mushy' about it too, and I do need attentiveness from him outside of sex. Early on in our marriage I was the proverbial 'football widow' where he was more attentive to his sports stuff and it really turned me off. Then he would grope at me which turned me off even more. We had to do some fine-tuning to get things back in line, and luckily both of us were stubborn cusses again and decided to work it out.

It does change as you get older and you get not just more mileage together but mileage on your body. We've had any number of health issues over the last couple of years, but it's been better than ever - which just goes to show that if both people are willing to put in the effort, it pays off.


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## justsumchik (Oct 7, 2011)

I want to know some answers: Is it a drive or more pleasing your male partner? How does sex feel? What happens when you get it and don't get it? How can women cope without sex and how long can you go without? Is it essentially nice but not required? Does it change if so how?
What triggers wanting sex? What do you like?

For me, it is a drive sometimes and not sometimes.... My drive is very attached to my cycle. I have a week or two that I am very horny, a few days that I don't even orgasm, and the rest of the time I don't hunt for it but don't turn it down either and I get into it once it eats going. There are times, especially lately (I'm 35) that it's all I can think about. If we aren't having sex almost daily we get out of the habit and can go a long time with neither of us pursuing it and both of us just masturbating when necessary. I can probably go a month without sex or masturbating, but I'm not sure I ever have. If I don't get it when I want it I do it myself. 

However, though I have very intense orgasms when masturbating, my husband is the only one who can give me truly satisfying, squirt-inducing orgasms. Unlike many women, vaginal stimulation is amazing for me, whether piv or hands, but I just can't get the right angle and strength on my own.

What else... Even when I am really horny, if my hubby is mean to the kids or to me (in my view) my drive can disappear real quick, but then it also comes back real quick when he is sweet. He is very much an alpha though, which drives me crazy at times but mostly makes me want him... I had my share of betas before he came along.

What triggers wanting it.... Could be just hormones, could be a good kiss, could be a good book or movie, something he's wearing; often just seeing his **** makes me need to suck it. What do I like... Sucking it. . I love oral, manual stimUlation, But nothing can beat (as someone else mentioned) when he first enters me... Omg!!! We like mirrors, porn talking about fantasies... Before we were married we did some threesome and foursomes and we talk about doing it again. Not sure we ever will but it is fun to talk about, and look at the old pics!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

My sex drive is deeply routed to my psychological turn on as well as follows my cycle in intensity.

I will say that I do not always have to cum in order to enjoy sex. There are several different types of pleasure I get from the sexual relationship I have with my husband. Part of it is solidifying our vows to one another and sort of celebrating that we belong to one another in a way no one else does.

If I watch or read a love story that is moving then you can bet I will want to connect with my husband intimately. Not because I am horny or thinking about sex but because I value that connection. It makes me feel alive. 

There's kinky sex, dress up sex, quickie sex, make love sex, quick! someone might walk in on us sex, I'm going to pleasure you like never before sex, sex to show gratitude, oooh! look! morning wood sex, have spent all evening watching tv together sex, he's going to focus on me sex, I'm going to focus on him sex, experimental sex, I wasn't really in the mood but it turned out to be good sex, I need you right now sex, and the list continues on and on and on...

I get different things from all of them. I'm not so sure that it's connected to my sex drive as much as it is to my relationship with my husband and the deep connection I feel underneath it all. Take that connection away and there wouldn't be any sex. I'd have no reason for it. I would masturbate more and that's about it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No two drives are the same so these threads are pointless.

That being said, I want sex almost every day...and I get it almost every day 

Happy campers over here.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

that_girl said:


> No two drives are the same so these threads are pointless.
> 
> That being said, I want sex almost every day...and I get it almost every day
> 
> Happy campers over here.


In men drives are pretty similar...

Women so far they range but this is very helpful.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

But you've only heard from women with healthy or positive sex drives... and we don't really look at is as a drive. If you've read about women who want less sex, they are almost always referred to as "low sex drive".... so maybe none of it is about "drive", maybe that's just a guy thing? 

And how does anyone else's situation help you figure out yours or your wife's? How can this be helpful? Seems like it only proves that it's all very individual.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

NoIssues said:


> Hey bright eyes. Wanna deal with this please? Inquiring male minds want to know the deal with the female sex drive.
> 
> Feel free to shed extras intense lighting on the female sex drive after the three year honeymoon period when woman shut down from romantic neglect.
> 
> ...


My input on this would probably be moot. I do not need an emotional connection to have sex. It is preferred but not required. That is vastly different than most women I know/met.
I think we would all be better served letting our partner know what we want/need. Keeping it inside and then getting resentful with your partner for not reading your mind serves no one.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

As long as everything is going well in our marriage, just looking at him gets me going! lol He's a very goodlooking guy. When I was younger, I'd never have thought he'd be even sexier in his 40's than he was in his 20's.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> But you've only heard from women with healthy or positive sex drives... and we don't really look at is as a drive. If you've read about women who want less sex, they are almost always referred to as "low sex drive".... so maybe none of it is about "drive", maybe that's just a guy thing?
> 
> And how does anyone else's situation help you figure out yours or your wife's? How can this be helpful? Seems like it only proves that it's all very individual.


It helps just to see the variety of responses... I pretty much learned its not a drive necessarily. That helps me. Just searching fro knowledge I appreciate the ladies being straightforward with something so personal.

Sure my wife has her own desire level... I wish I understood hers better in time.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> It helps just to see the variety of responses... I pretty much learned its not a drive necessarily. That helps me. Just searching fro knowledge I appreciate the ladies being straightforward with something so personal.
> 
> Sure my wife has her own desire level... I wish I understood hers better in time.


I think you've got it - if you understand that for many women it is not a 'drive' or a compulsion like what a man would feel. It is much more multi-faceted and nuanced in a woman.


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Ok fair is fair... Male Sex Drive (In Men's clubhouse) has pretty much defined the male drive. Females your turn.....
> 
> 
> Can you please explain in detail what your female sex drive is?
> ...


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> Ok fair is fair... Male Sex Drive (In Men's clubhouse) has pretty much defined the male drive. Females your turn.....
> 
> 
> Can you please explain in detail what your female sex drive is?
> ...


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## Ishtar (Jun 17, 2011)

My sex drive is, on one level just that, a sex drive. Similar to any other compelling physical drive it is like a fire that consumes from the inside out...an impetus for action. The physical aspect of my sex drive is a darker, more primal part of me and a strong part, it seems that much of the time when I am going about my day there is a sub-channel in my thoughts that is sexual in nature. At times almost to strong to handle and, coupled with my more old fashioned sense of morality, it made life before my husband hell. On the other side it is an intensely emotional drive to connect and express love, but that is more from my emotional self. I do love to please my husband, it validates me in away that few things can.

Emotionally sex makes me feel naked and vulnerable, like I am being stripped of my outer layers and cannot hide...it makes me feel loving towards and close to him plus feminine/attractive. Sex also can make me feel submissive...On a physical level sex feeds a deep longing and feels good.

With sex I feel a satisfied, content, relaxed, and more devoted, adoring, and less likely to notice others. When I am left wanting for sex...I am stressed, both physically and mentally. I feel restless and ill at ease, I cannot concentrate and I become irritated. I am more critical of him and more likely to notice when a hot guy is in the midst (I never flirt or anything, I just notice).

When I want him I tend to just pounce on him; take what I need...I have a low frustration tolerance. When I was single, I masturbated (lots) and just suffered through it.

What is a requirement? To be happy/content/satisfied? Absolutely, but my body will not wither and die without it. It is an emotional need and I highly doubt I could be in a marriage in which it was not met.

There is a baseline that it does not seem to go under, but many things can trigger me wanting it more. When I am ovulating or on my period I am a fiend. When I am stressed or feeling disconnected, I compensate with sex. When I see/hear/think/feel/taste/smell something that turns me on. Many times it is just my body needing release and my thoughts follow. I like lots of things, but my big things tend to fall under BDSM.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

WOW, I LOVED your post Ishtar, I identify with your every word - except your last sentence, no BDSM here, though I did buy a book once for curiosity's sake .....so well spoken! :smthumbup:


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

When I was married to my first husband, I had a low sex drive after our kids were born. I would actively avoid sex with him and I was just not into it. I now know that it was because we were not connected emotionally and I was deeply resentful of him in many ways. He was a "good" husband and dad, but he paid me little attention, was stingy with his compliments (when we were divorcing he said "You are a knockout" and I thought to myself bitterly "You should have said those things when we were married, dumbass!"), and we just didn't do any fun things together as a couple.

So for me, my emotional state plays a huge role in my sex drive. My second husband and I are in a good place in our marriage and I want sex from him constantly! I am deeply attracted to him, even after 7 years together, and much of that is because he loves and accepts me for who I am (something I didn't get with my first husband). I want to have sex with him because it feels so good, because it makes me feel even closer to him, and it is an expression of my love and commitment to him. It is not about just "getting off" and way more about expressing something to him and also receiving something from him - admiration, affirmation, and a tangible reminder of his love for me.

I don't have sex just to please my husband. It is such a fulfilling experience that I am always eager for it. So my drive has nothing to do with pleasing him per se, although I get off on pleasing him when we are making love. Not sure it I'm explaining it right....

It would be a big problem to not get sex. I think your sex life is a barometer for the rest of your relationship. Sex is essential for keeping connect with your spouse, I think. When I don't get sex, it's because our schedules are conflicting or there is something stressful going on for one of us, like work or a crisis with the kids or something. I get cranky when I don't get it. I have a higher drive than my husband, so it bothers him less.


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## RDJ (Jun 8, 2011)

From a mans perspective, 32 years with my wife.

If I am fulfilling her emotional needs, she is sexual.

If I am NOT, she is NOT!

Simple as that.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

TTFIO - How is the 180 going with your wife? I don't recall seeing any recent postings on it.

It seems to me with all of these questions that you are still focusing on your wife and trying to figure HER out instead of focusing on yourself. This is barking up the wrong tree and a waste of energy on your part, if I'm being honest. It's a shame, since you deserve to be happy.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Laurae1967 said:


> TTFIO - How is the 180 going with your wife? I don't recall seeing any recent postings on it.
> 
> It seems to me with all of these questions that you are still focusing on your wife and trying to figure HER out instead of focusing on yourself. This is barking up the wrong tree and a waste of energy on your part, if I'm being honest. It's a shame, since you deserve to be happy.


Laurae...

I decided to do a slightly modified 180... I am concentrating on myself and am working one on one with a lady who has been helping me through this. So I'm on a different path that I believe will lead to success.

I've got sex off my mind mostly and I am enjoying my life. My wife and I will work through this together. Thanks for all the advice.
I'm not posting my story because until there are solid results it is not beneficial to anyone. So I've gone a little more private while my wife and I work on this together with the help of my "therapist" who has been a god send.

I'll give updates later...


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## MNM (Nov 30, 2011)

I agree with Laurae. Sex is so much more with my husband than it ever was before with anyone else because it is about building and reinforcing an intimate connection. I don't know if it is the same for other women, but for me, I can't imagine not having time or energy to be intimate with him because it is "integral" to our relationship. I think, for us, if the sexy time were to ever decline past 2 times a week, that would be the first clue that something was up.


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