# Cruel unfeeling Wife



## Benaiah (Feb 5, 2013)

My problem is quite long and complicated. I will be as brief as possible. My wife and I have been together for 18 years 9 of which as a couple and 9 as married. When we first started dating, I fell hard for her.

Shortly after dating, we became sexual. Everything was going fine until a few months into the relationship. She just started having very little or nothing to do with me. I continued to pleasure her via oral sex, etc. but she found little to interest in me or pleasuring me. 

If she did at all, she would do so through my pants not touching me at all. This went on for quite some time and she blamed her lack of interest on religious beliefs wheras she was completely okay for me to take her clohtes off and pleasure her every weekend while my clothes remained on.

This went on for 9 long years and for some reason, I stayed with her. Before we married, I asked her sincerely to think long and hard about marrying me in that we would be each others and no one else's and that I would be the only guy she would have sex with, etc.

She was completely fine with that and stated that things would change as soon as we were married since there would be no problems in regards to religion since of course sex in marriage is okay. So we did get married and the reality is, things got much worse.

Now she NEVER wants to be with me and if we are together, she desires that we mutually masturbate as in her using a vibrator and I pleasure myself while in the same room. Furthermore, we haven't had sex in over 2 years and we have no child. My health has grown worse over the course of the last five years and I just recently had a heart attack. 

I have talked to her sincerely about having a child for the last six or seven years but she ignores me or tells me she doesn't want a child with me.

To top all of this off, before she was with me, she was what you'd call a wild girl with two others before me. She had sex in the woods with them, had oral sex on the back of a school bus many, many times, and on and on. 

The sad fact is that in the three full years that she went with the two of them, she did more sexually withthem than she has done with me in 18 long years. I know this because she has told me how often and what they did together. 

By my count, she had oral sex with them at least 100 times more than she has with me in the 18 years I've known her giving just one example. 

I have grown much more unhealthy over the last couple of years and the sicker I become, the less she cares. She doesn't care that after I am gone, there will be nothing left of us since she seems to depise the idea of us anyway.

I feel trapped and unable to change my situation. I have talked to her countless times and she just sits there or actually lies down on the couch and closes her eyes and acts as though she is listening. 

As soon as I finish, she gets up and goes about her business as if I never said a word.


So what you would do? I'm sorry this was so lengthy but it is hard to squeeze in 18 years with some 
detail and not be a little lengthy.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

D i v o r c e


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Sir, you are not going to live forever.
How much longer do you want to live like this?


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Mr. Benaiah, usually I could go on with lengthy speeches on how to save a marriage, how a marriage is blessing, how to be a good husband, etc.

But for your particular case... just like Mr. Toffer, I have one word: DIVORCE.

Your marriage is so unsalvageable, there is no point in trying because it's not a marriage at all. 

Leave while you still can. I am warning you, a woman so cruel like your wife is capable of doing anything. I fear for your safety.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

She was like this for nine years, you still agreed to marry her, and now she's the cruel one? You did this to yourself. If you really can't stand it, get out. She's being who she is, you bought into it of your own choice. No one made you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

You knew what she was like before you married her. So you really have no right to expect her to change.

But you do have a right to a happy marriage with a good sex life. So my advice is that you divorce her. Go find a woman who can love you and be happy to be sexual with you.


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## TomorrowNeverKnows (Jan 27, 2012)

kingsfan said:


> She was like this for nine years, you still agreed to marry her, and now she's the cruel one? You did this to yourself. If you really can't stand it, get out. She's being who she is, you bought into it of your own choice. No one made you.


Having made the same exact mistake, I agree you did this to yourself. I have kids though so mine is a difficult choice. Your situation sounds like a no brainer. No kids AND she is just sounds cruel. Did you bring up your health because you think nobody would find you attractive any longer? You can try to change that with exercise and healthier diet, but being trapped in this relationship is going to be counterproductive to your health, happiness, and well being. Get out.


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## Benaiah (Feb 5, 2013)

I realize I should have known better, but somehow she convinced me things would be a LOT better once we were married.

As for my health, I didn't mention it to get attention but to show the grave situation that I am in. I probably won't live much longer and she knows this as well since my health has deterioted over the last two or so years.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

I don't understand how some people can be wired so differently from the rest of us 

The marriage is over. It just needs formalizing. Get a lawyer, Mr. Benaiah


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## Benaiah (Feb 5, 2013)

I'll never understand either how people can be SO different. To those who told me that I'm the cruel one or the one to blame. While I take credit for not waking up and realizing sooner what was going on, it isn't as if she didn't deceive me and tell me marrige would be so much better and that we would have a wonderful life together.

What I feel those of you who are saying this is missing is that I'm the one in pain and not her. I have dealt with this for 9 long years of marriage, but now I'm facing death sometime soon down the road and all I want from her is compassion.

Instead, when I do talk to her, after I have tried to speak to her heart, she gets up and acts as if I never said a word. I have treated her well and gave her every thing she ever wanted. I have loved her and never withheld from her while she has ignored me, withheld from me, and almost certainly cheated on me.

So I'm just lost and extremely depressed to say the least.


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## Benaiah (Feb 5, 2013)

And thank you also for all of your responses good or bad. I don't really have many people to talk to and so that is why I came here. May God bless you all.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

You deserve better. Good luck, my friend


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

You do deserve better.
How old are you?
What are your health problems?

I don't think it's your fault that you were naive and believed her when she said marriage would improve your relationship, you were in love. Hope before belief is what some say.
But now you do know better. You do not have to waste any more time with her. Please move on and enjoy the rest of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

What is she getting out of this marriage? Do you make a lot of money?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mupostori (May 20, 2012)

I feel your pain , I hope God will deliver you from your illness ,maybe your wife is stressed out with your illness and doesn't know how to handle the situation


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Do you think she could have an STD that she hasn't told you about? Perhaps that's why she won't have sex or children with you.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Benaiah said:


> I realize I should have known better, but somehow she convinced me things would be a LOT better once we were married.
> 
> As for my health, I didn't mention it to get attention but to show the grave situation that I am in. I probably won't live much longer and she knows this as well since my health has deterioted over the last two or so years.


If you worked for me for minimum wage for nine years and I constantly refused your requests for a pay raise, but then told you if you sign a contract where you will be my employee forever I would give you a pay raise, would you sign that contract? The past often predicts the future?

And I'm sorry to hear that your ilness is that bad. What is the problem? Do you KNOW you will be dying soon, or is that something you personally believe?



Benaiah said:


> I'll never understand either how people can be SO different. To those who told me that I'm the cruel one or the one to blame. While I take credit for not waking up and realizing sooner what was going on, it isn't as if she didn't deceive me and tell me marrige would be so much better and that we would have a wonderful life together.


Once again, the past predicts the future. She may have lied to you, and that was wrong of her, but she gave you nine years proof of who she really was. The fact you ignored a nine year precident and took her on her face value, despite the fact everything she'd done was contray to what she said, is where you are to blame. 

My ex-wife let sex slide off well before the marriage, but I was the one who noticed this, noticed how she wouldn't even let me talk about sex, and still chose to ignore it and get married to her. While I do blame her for a bunch of things she did to me, I know it was my fault I married her. I could have told her no and walked away, but I didn't. That's on me.



Benaiah said:


> What I feel those of you who are saying this is missing is that I'm the one in pain and not her. I have dealt with this for 9 long years of marriage, but now I'm facing death sometime soon down the road and all I want from her is compassion.


But you put yourself in that situation. \No one is saying you aren't feeling pain, but to blame her when you seen the warning signs and still chose to get married, that's your fault. You brought this pain on yourself. I'm not trying to be harsh here, that's just the reality of the situation.



Benaiah said:


> Instead, when I do talk to her, after I have tried to speak to her heart, she gets up and acts as if I never said a word. I have treated her well and gave her every thing she ever wanted. I have loved her and never withheld from her while she has ignored me, withheld from me, and almost certainly cheated on me.
> 
> So I'm just lost and extremely depressed to say the least.


Then don't talk. Act. Leave. If she really cares, she won't get up and act as if you never said a word when you leave.

Think of a few things, assuming you are on the road to passing away. Firstly, is the last face you want to see hers, considering how much pain she has caused you? Sharing your dying moments with someone is reserved for those people who are most special to you. My dad died a few years ago, a very long, drawn out battle with cancer, and he was bedridden for weeks at the end of his life. It was a special time, but he was in great pain and discomfort. I can only imagine how much more uncomfortable that would have been if he was spending his last moments either facing someone who had almost no compassion for him or someone who couldn't even bother to be around him, like you describe your wife. Do you really want to have this heartache right until the end?

Secondly, if you stay married to her, odds are everything of yours will go to her, outside of a few things you may have dealt with in a will. She'll get any pension you have, house, car, etc. Do you want all of what you have built up and earned in your life, even if you don't think it's much, to go to someone who "has ignored me, withheld from me, and almost certainly cheated on me"? Stand up for yourself and be proud of yourself and who you are and what you have accomplished and have to offer. You may not have long to live, hopefully you can go out on your own terms and not hers.

Honestly, God bless you and I have said a prayer for you regarding your health. May God touch you and help you. And may you find the strength to help yourself.


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## Benaiah (Feb 5, 2013)

Thank you for all of your comments and advice. I realize that I should have known better, but I was deeply in love. In our relationship before marrige, I see now (but didn't then) that she was very manipulative and would hold out for a long time, but as she saw me slipping away, she would have renewed interest, but only for a short time.

It was a back and forth game from cold to hot and mostly cold. As for my health and the effects on our marriage, I have not always been like this but could keep up with the best of them, and then some.

However, in the last two years my health has gone down dramatically. I don't want to get into many particulars but I have several health issues one of which is a bad heart. It is only working at a small percentage.

I feel so lost and alone since I've spent much of my adult life chasing after her, and now, even if I wanted to have a healthy sex life, I'm sure I couldn't because of my heart. But none of this bothers her, and she has certainly never cried before over the thought of my death.

You would have thought after my heart attack that she would have wanted to try even more, but she has stayed the same. I think she secretly wants me to die and is just waiting patiently for my demise.

We do in fact have many possessions. We have a nice home, and world class collections, as well as a Park that we own as well. It is admittedly a small Park, but still. We also run a "very small" farm.

I believe she is just biding her time until I'm finally gone so she can be with someone else. I suppose her religious beliefs keep her from divorcing me and marrying someone else. God only knows.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Mr. Benaiah, please read Mr. Kingsfan's response above. We really feel sorry for you, and wish you the best.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

B... I am truly sorry that you are going through so much pain. My thoughts are with you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Your wife is a lesbian, trying to be hetero. There is nothing you can do, or not do, to change this. She tolerates oral sex with you because she can pretend its a woman. She has nothing to do with your body and never has, because lots of lesbians are actively turned off by men's bodies.

Go with your head held high, with honor. You did everything possible. She gave nothing, while she lied to you about her preference for women.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

Benaiah said:


> I think she secretly wants me to die and is just waiting patiently for my demise.
> 
> We do in fact have many possessions. We have a nice home, and world class collections, as well as a Park that we own as well. It is admittedly a small Park, but still. We also run a "very small" farm.
> 
> I believe she is just biding her time until I'm finally gone so she can be with someone else.


All of this should SCREAM the answer to you. Get.out.now. Leave her without a word. Have a family member or friend help you. Secretly collect info on your financial situation and see a lawyer without her knowledge. From what you have stated, she does not love you. There is absolutely nothing to salvage here except your dignity.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Sounds like your right she is waiting for you to die. Tell her if things don't change your filing for divorse. If she is just waiting for you to die ...she won't want to lose 1/2 the assets ...I bet she changes her tune.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

I don't know if you already got out of the situation or not. However, I just wanted to tell you. That if you are with someone, and actively loving someone and looking for positive feedback from someone who really doesn't care about you, it creates stress over time which causes pain and can cause illness. I hope you got out of there.

I was wondering if you could confirm if she cheated or not.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh "once we're married things will be better because its ok to have sex in marriage" lol

Mate, you've wasted enough time... 18 years is a FKING LONG TIME
Enough of this, move on!


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Based on his near total disappearance for months, I'm afraid Mr. Benaiah is no longer with us to answer. I sure hope I am wrong.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> Based on his near total disappearance for months, I'm afraid Mr. Benaiah is no longer with us to answer. I sure hope I am wrong.


I'm about to get off TAM. I made my contribution, and the main point I gleam from all of these situations is to be true to yourself, and not to get leveraged into positions you can't maintain, especially if you know your reasonable.


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