# Saying sorry during the 180



## eyesopen (Mar 16, 2012)

I get the principal of the 180. I am doing it.

But I would also like to communicate to my wife (we are separated), in letter or in person, that I understand what I had done, how my actions/inactions have contributed significantly to the situation, and that I am sorry. Not in order to ask her to come back, but to express that I understand (and thus am thinking/changing). If she would agree to tell me, I would also like to understand how things felt from her side, for my understanding and future growth.

Is this type of communication also "forbidden"?


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My concern would be that rather than her seeing it as your personal growth, that you would instead be validating the things she holds against you, and reinforcing her resolve.


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

yes, give it time & space, trust me, my supporters tell me i should bang my head against a brick wall lol, time & space


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> Is this type of communication also "forbidden"?


Yes


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## eyesopen (Mar 16, 2012)

synthetic said:


> Yes


OK. Forbidden. Why.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

eyesopen said:


> OK. Forbidden. Why.


Because your feelings have value. She has absolutely no respect for them right now. Save them for when the fog around her head has cleared. 

180 + absolutely no contact unless totally necessary and only initiated by her + socialize


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## MainStreetExile (Jun 26, 2012)

I bled myself white writing exactly just such a letter. I consider it my magnum opus; I don't think I've ever put more effort into any one piece of writing.

No response. Nothing. Not only that, but I don't doubt for a minute that she and her new man probably had a laugh reading it together.

If you don't wish to be shot, never willingly hand someone a gun.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

our vision shattered said:


> yes, give it time & space, trust me, my supporters tell me i should bang my head against a brick wall lol, time & space


Hey, how did you get out? Get back to that wall!
...

If your x already knows that you're sorry and that you are open to working on things then adding more fuel to the fire isn't going to help you at all. Write that letter and then file it away in a drawer or on a computer. The act of writing will help you process stuff. It will help you identify the things in you that you want to address moving forward.


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