# unemployed husband paying child surport



## Pema5033 (Jul 24, 2012)

My husband is unemployed with no income. I am working and paying 100% bills & morgage. He pay $800 child surport each month from our joinly account which 100% money is mine. This month I did not mail his ex check and she is keep calling him everyday. I dont like to pay her but my husband says that is his daughter and he doesnt want to go to the jail (for not paying her), I agree but that is not my daughter, why should I have to surport his ex? I am very uncomfortabe with that. Am I selffish? I am serously thinking about divorce now. Am I wrong?


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Actions have ramifications don't they.

I WISH I had $800 a month in child support - wow! for one kid? and he's unemployed? wow

Um I'd say you need your own NON-Joint bank account to take care of all the bills.

If child support doesn't get paid it is on him - as he is unemployed.
He needs to get a job and pay his share.

Yeah I'd be pi$$ed off for paying support when my husband was sitting on his ass. Sorry - get a job or go to jail. 

my opinion.

P.S. Apparently he is a dead-beat mooch.....wonder if that's what split him up from the first family?
How'd you get hooked up with him? Were you the AP?


Regardless, I'd send him packing to his Mommy's - let somebody else take care of him.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

As much as child support hurt me financially to pay, I'm sorry, he did the deed he needs to pay. 

I agree with this below. He can get a job and go back for review. That's a lot of money to pay in support depending on his income. There should be a calculator online at the state's website. He can figure out approximately what he will have to pay. He needs to live up to his responsibilities. They are his, not yours. Sorry you are going through this. 

He can ask for a hearing to review his obligations if he thinks he's not paying the proper amount. 

*Edit:*For some odd reason, I just remembered. He can figure in your income if his ex's husband's income is figured in. Not sure how or why. Maybe I'm mistaken. You need to check on that. I'm not sure. 



Unique Username said:


> Actions have ramifications don't they.
> 
> I WISH I had $800 a month in child support - wow! for one kid? and he's unemployed? wow
> 
> ...


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

Why isn't the state pulling from his unemployment benefits?


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## Boottothehead (Sep 3, 2013)

and why doesn't his ex bother cse instead of you? I've been in the same boat before. You have my sympathy.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

He can go to court to modify the amount. He could find a job since it's so important to him..... which it should be. 

Just because he is unemployed doesn't mean his child doesn't need the support. I'd talk to a lawyer and figure out what to do. It depends on the state as to whether the wife is responsible for the H's child support. Pretty sure in Florida she isn't. 

Do your homework. And separate the finances. And put this back on HIM!


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

He can't pay from your money.

He can't go to jail if you don't enforce.

Get with your lawyer and come up with an agreement. The agreement is that he still owes, he actively seeks employment, if you want to create any allowances for education, etc.

My ex- lost employment. He stopped paying. I understood. Can't get blood, etc. He finally retired. Little one gets a nice chunk from that. Older one turned 18. 

The chance of ever seeing the back money is zero. Reality isn't always pretty. But it is what it is. Your H needs to get on board with reality.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

In most states, he won't get an adjustment if his current wife has enough money to cover it. 

Here is one drastic solution. Legally get a divorce, so that your finances are now totally separate. You can still be a couple, just not a married couple. Then he should be able to reach an agreement with the court.

But this is not a law forum. I recommend discussing all this with an attorney.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

How long has he been unemployed and is he actively looking?

What does he spend his days doing?


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

I have never heard of a spouse being held responsible for the child support of a "step-child". That is not your child and not your responsibility. He needs to go to court and either get an adjustment or a hold. In my XH's case, they stopped his required payments while he was unable to pay. He's still responsible for the money, but it is in the form of arrears so he will have to continue paying past the age of 18 until he is all caught up. Have you told your husband that you do not want this paid out of YOUR money?? If you have and he doesn't stop, I would suggest getting a solo account that he cannot access to pull your money.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Is there a genuine reason why your H isn't working? How hard is he looking for employment?

In the UK, the courts do not usually consider providing financial support for pre-existing children to be the legal responsibility of a new spouse. However, the laws might be different where you live.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Unique Username said:


> Actions have ramifications don't they.
> 
> I WISH I had $800 a month in child support - wow! for one kid? and he's unemployed? wow
> 
> ...


Wow, somebody hasn't kept up with the economic reality lately. All we know is that he is unemployed and has a support obligation. How do you know he is sitting on his ass? Maybe he is looking for a job? Maybe he's trying to get some education and improve his long-term prospects?

Amazing how these gender stereotypes persist, isn't it?


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

DTO said:


> Wow, somebody hasn't kept up with the economic reality lately. All we know is that he is unemployed and has a support obligation. How do you know he is sitting on his ass? Maybe he is looking for a job? Maybe he's trying to get some education and improve his long-term prospects?
> 
> Amazing how these gender stereotypes persist, isn't it?


He was taking the money from her account and paying her with it, let us hope he is getting a job and doing what you say!


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer. But, I did just get through a divorce (in CA) so am somewhat versed in the financial aspects.

First: my ex tried to get child support while I was laid off and getting unemployment (which meant that my income was lower than hers). She requested child support based on an argument that I was choosing to remain unemployed and thus should have income imputed at my old salary.

Her request was denied as she had the burden of proving her case. My lawyer basically said "show me what jobs are out there that he has passed on" and she couldn't. I had a stack of applications with denials to support my search, but it never even came to that.

So (assuming your laws are similar), the first thing is your husband needs to document his search (I would not have known to do it had my attorney not said so). He should have some log of in-person applications, e-mails and print-outs of online searches and applications, etc. Then he needs to get in front of his judge and get an adjustment based on being unemployed despite a good-faith effort to find work.

Second, the law here in CA (and presumably elsewhere) is that step-parent and cohabite income cannot be directly considered in support calculations. I think the key here is "directly". It seems there may be an indirect impact.

For instance, let's say I get remarried and my ex seeks support. Now, my new spouse's income cannot be considered ordinarily. But, I don't think I can say "yeah, she's my wife and, yeah, she lives with me, but she does not help out with any bills so I can't afford any more support", unless we have a pre-nup, file separate taxes, etc. So, you might be on the hook based on your income to some extent, because even if he was working your contribution to the household reduces his burden (or counts as additional income to him).

Bottom line is he needs to get to a lawyer and get an adjustment, but I don't think you can consider yourself without any form of obligation.

Hope that helps.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

2galsmom said:


> He was taking the money from her account and paying her with it, let us hope he is getting a job and doing what you say!


First, the majority of guys do want to do the right thing. I can safely say he probably is doing those things, because most guys would be doing those things. There are some deadbeat dads out there, but they are a relatively small minority.

Second, he did not take the money from her account. He took money from their joint account - the issue is that he isn't contributing much because he's unemployed.

I don't know if you meant it this way, but it seems like there is a pretty nasty double-standard here. When it is a lady not working (whether through circumstance or a conscious choice to be a SAHM) the advice is that she's raising kids, helping around the house, etc. and adding value. It's not his money or her money, it's their money and their obligations.

But, when the guy is not working, then he's presumed to be a deadbeat, he needs to get off his ass, his wife needs to send him home to mommy and detach his leechiness from her assets. Why the about-face? Was it said somewhere the husband hid the existence of this child or lied about his financial obligation? 

A couple more points - if he owes $800 per month, then he was making good money (unless his custody share is very low) and the OP was benefitting from that income. Doesn't that make it somewhat cold-blooded that her attitude is "that's my money, not your money"? And what does this attitude say about her regard for the child?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

DTO said:


> First, the majority of guys do want to do the right thing. I can safely say he probably is doing those things, because most guys would be doing those things. There are some deadbeat dads out there, but they are a relatively small minority.
> 
> Second, he did not take the money from her account. He took money from their joint account - the issue is that he isn't contributing much because he's unemployed.
> 
> ...


I'm not getting the impression that the OP is objecting to supporting her H during his employment, but she is having difficulties forking out an additional $800 a month to his ex-W...

It is the joint responsibility of parents to support their off-spring and, whilst the OP is the child's stepmother, I believe that her H and the _child's mother _need to come to a new fair and equitable (temporary) arrangement during his unemployment.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

My daughters ex lost his job and right now cannot pay his support.

They came up with a barter arrangement....he keeps the girls more, he has repaired her car for free, painted the girls room for free...

It works for them.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

LonelyinLove said:


> My daughters ex lost his job and right now cannot pay his support.
> 
> They came up with a barter arrangement....he keeps the girls more, he has repaired her car for free, painted the girls room for free...
> 
> It works for them.


In other words both parents are adjusting to the problem and cooperating with one another. IMO, this is what the OP's H and his ex need to do. As things stand, the OP is carrying the bulk of the problem.

Incidentally, I have every reason to be very much on the ex-W's side here (which I'm not - I'm trying to view this objectively), because many years ago my ex was retrenched and was only able to contribute very meagre child support payments for about 10 years. During that time I was forced to hold down three jobs, at one time, to keep my son and I afloat.... However, I later found out he'd been running his own company, bought a new house and remarried during that time...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

When I married my wife, I assumed her obligations were my obligations and "my" money became "our" money. The OP's husband has a child and he has a legal and moral obligation to provide for the child. He doesn't have a job, so she gets to pay. I don't see a problem. My wife had a car note and a few credit cards with balances plus a home mortgage. She lost her job. I'm her husband so I had to step up. If she had won the lottery, would I not expect to share in the reward? I think the whole idea of marriage is that two people, neither having a clue what the future will bring, agree to face that future together. In the OP's case, she knew this man had a child and that he had to pay child support. Before she said "I do", she had to have known that her husband could be laid off, disabled, incarcerated, or otherwise rendered unable to meet this obligation. The only logical conclusion was that she agreed to do so when she said "I do".


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

I re-read this, Pema5033 you do not want to pay the ex-wife because A) you admittedly do not like her and B) the child is not yours.

Your spouse will most likely be taken to court. Unless his ex just decides to let him off the hook and take on all the responsibility herself. He has a legal obligation, like it or not to pay the support. You have the issue of an unemployed husband you do not like supporting as well as your step child.

You should probably look into dissolving the marriage and not blame the ex-wife or step child for your problems as it seems the two of you may have more in common than you realize.

The pooling of your money into "communal property," will be a complication for you. It is a joint account. I agree with the other posters who say if you want to "fight" this you will need to separate your $ and get a lawyer or lose this husband.

A judge will not tolerate a splitting of hairs from a married couple. "We are married, we share everything, a house a home, bank accounts BUT that is not my kid so the money is different when it comes to paying that bill and while I can help hubs with obligations that I choose, well that is not my kid and I am the one with the job."

No way. I am not a lawyer but there is no way I would want to go into court and I have been to court a lot. You will be F'd and the attorney will point out your husband can sit back, let you make the money while he is unemployed all while skirting previous legal responsibilities to his ex and child. I highly DOUBT he has a detailed log of all the efforts he has made to find employment only to be rejected or continuing ed class and even so, he has a legal obligation to pay!

Whilst married that money is in a joint account, his money as well in the eyes of the law.

There is a child here, so often that gets lost in the I lost my job, I cannot pay, I do not like the ex etc.

SOMEONE has to step up and help that child, I think it is admirable you have paid it for as long as you have.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Any woman who would divorce me because I had bills and misfortune is a woman I don't need. She'll stick around while the gravy flows but bail on me when things get tight? That's not a marriage and it's nothing any man needs. If he gets sick and incurs medical bills, she'd bail, too? Here's the way this stuff works... We don't know if we will be wealthy or not have a pot to piss in. We don't know if we both will remain healthy and sane or if one or both of us will become disabled. If we marry, it's understood that we share great times of abundance but we also share the load during crappy times. If you have kids when we marry, they become my kids, too. If you have living parents, they become my parents, too. Your loads, moral or legal will be mine, even if you die.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> When I married my wife, I assumed her obligations were my obligations and "my" money became "our" money. The OP's husband has a child and he has a legal and moral obligation to provide for the child. He doesn't have a job, so she gets to pay. I don't see a problem. My wife had a car note and a few credit cards with balances plus a home mortgage. She lost her job. I'm her husband so I had to step up. If she had won the lottery, would I not expect to share in the reward? I think the whole idea of marriage is that two people, neither having a clue what the future will bring, agree to face that future together. In the OP's case, she knew this man had a child and that he had to pay child support. Before she said "I do", she had to have known that her husband could be laid off, disabled, incarcerated, or otherwise rendered unable to meet this obligation. The only logical conclusion was that she agreed to do so when she said "I do".


I understand your thinking and do agree with you that all money is joint money. However, I do feel that an ex should step up to the plate, too, in times of hardship... I would imagine that the OP's situation was very different when the order for him to contribute $800 per month was made.

Turning this around... Had I remarried when my son was still dependent on me, I wouldn't have expected my new spouse to support my son had my ex stopped paying child support. I would have worked extra hours to make up the shortfall.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

I was still paying child support when I married a second time. My ex2 was never obligated to pay anything. The courts told me it was my responsibility. I don't know about this one. Take it to court. 

While I sympathize some with the husband in this case, I realize it it his child. I never felt that my second wife was responsible for my support. It would have really bothered me to let her pay for my child's support. I did what I had to do and made sure x1 was paid. 

On the other hand, I don't think it is a good idea for the wife to take it so lightly that she doesn't care about her husband. The thing is, she is here asking. So it means to me she does care. She is paying for his child's support. 

He needs to get out there and find a job to pay for his own child's support. If he can only pay a portion of what is set in the order now, he will have to have it adjusted, if that's allowed. In some cases, the courts will not make an adjustment until some time passes and it is determined that his new, lower income is what will now be standard. 

He needs a job. He needs to get to court. In the mean time, it's either pay or let him go to jail if it is not paid. That will take a little time, but not much. Good luck.


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## CarefulinNY (Sep 30, 2013)

Pema5033 said:


> My husband is unemployed with no income. I am working and paying 100% bills & morgage. He pay $800 child surport each month from our joinly account which 100% money is mine. This month I did not mail his ex check and she is keep calling him everyday. I dont like to pay her but my husband says that is his daughter and he doesnt want to go to the jail (for not paying her), I agree but that is not my daughter, why should I have to surport his ex? I am very uncomfortabe with that. Am I selffish? I am serously thinking about divorce now. Am I wrong?


No, you are not wrong, selfish. You should not have to support someone else's child.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

As a Parent receiving far too little support 
(since the ex has remained under-employed going on 9 years now)

I don't care whom I get the support from...if the AP/now wife wants to pay it....that's her stupidity. (course she doesn't work a real job and is probably making the cash on her back while her husband is working...lmao she talked him in to working graveyard truck driving)

the Thread starter has a right to vent.

I hope it all works out..for her and for her step-child.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

Back in the day, i was paying $895 a month for one child. I worked the lowest of low jobs and lots of hours to make this happen. This wrecked my first marriage. 

It wrecked it because virtually of my income went to the mother (which was not my wife). The ex wife pretty much supported me. This bred resentment from her and my end. On my end because it hurt my pride and made me very irritable and grouchy. These situations are hard but he needs to man up and get a job even if it does not make enough to pay all of his child support. Something is better than nothing.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> When I married my wife, I assumed her obligations were my obligations and "my" money became "our" money. The OP's husband has a child and he has a legal and moral obligation to provide for the child. He doesn't have a job, so she gets to pay. I don't see a problem. My wife had a car note and a few credit cards with balances plus a home mortgage. She lost her job. I'm her husband so I had to step up. If she had won the lottery, would I not expect to share in the reward? I think the whole idea of marriage is that two people, neither having a clue what the future will bring, agree to face that future together. In the OP's case, she knew this man had a child and that he had to pay child support. Before she said "I do", she had to have known that her husband could be laid off, disabled, incarcerated, or otherwise rendered unable to meet this obligation. The only logical conclusion was that she agreed to do so when she said "I do".


There is a balance in this. The first thing that he needed to when he lost his job was to go to court and get the support reduced until he finds a job. It's unfair to his new wife to have her support his child. It's his responsibility to take the steps necessary under the circumstances. And this of course will also mean that he needs to take a job.. if it pays more than unemployment he needs to take it because he has a child to take care of.


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## Mr Wolf (Mar 1, 2012)

DTO said:


> Bottom line is he needs to get to a lawyer and get an adjustment, but I don't think you can consider yourself without any form of obligation.


It is NEVER the non-biological spouse's obligation UNLESS the non-biological spouse formally adopts the child. If that was the case, the court could simply pick anyone to pay support (i.e. a live in uncle of the child). What the courts can and sometimes will do is look at the effect a working spouse has on the biological spouse's ability to pay and factor that into the amount that is required to be paid - but it is still the biological spouse's obligation to pay. 

Strangely, courts do no look at the effect the CS recipient's spouse has on his/her ability to provide for the child in the calculation. It comes down to *"you have to pay so we can look at your spouse's income but we will not look at the recipient spouse's income as that is not fair and it is not their responsibility to support the child."*


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Honestly how hard should it be for him to find a job that covers the $800/month? He could probably cover that working at McDonald's. Why doesn't he just get any old part-time job, just to pay the child support, while he looks for something better? That way he shows his commitment to taking care of his obligation, and the strain on your marriage from that money is removed.


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## WalterWhite (Sep 14, 2012)

The wife is legally responsible for the child support ONLY if she adopted the child. Since she has not, she is off the hook. Also, the husband is lying about getting thrown in jail for non-payment. He says this only to manipulate the wife. I think the wife married very very poorly. I'd suggest she divorce this loser and find a real man.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

Mr Wolf said:


> It is NEVER the non-biological spouse's obligation UNLESS the non-biological spouse formally adopts the child. If that was the case, the court could simply pick anyone to pay support (i.e. a live in uncle of the child). What the courts can and sometimes will do is look at the effect a working spouse has on the biological spouse's ability to pay and factor that into the amount that is required to be paid - but it is still the biological spouse's obligation to pay.
> 
> Strangely, courts do no look at the effect the CS recipient's spouse has on his/her ability to provide for the child in the calculation. It comes down to *"you have to pay so we can look at your spouse's income but we will not look at the recipient spouse's income as that is not fair and it is not their responsibility to support the child."*


That is not true. In my state the look at both parent's income.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

2galsmom said:


> That is not true. In my state the look at both parent's income.


In my state they only look at the income of the actual parents. Step parent income does not count.


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## 2galsmom (Feb 14, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> In my state they only look at the income of the actual parents. Step parent income does not count.


True for my state as well. Mr. Wolf addressed that but his last post was confusing and seemed to contradict what he posted earlier.

Either way, the OP has an issue with a spouse that has taken years to NOT find a job that can pay $800 a month and money going from her (even if you label it joint it is still HER account) earnings to his child.

This thread is a almost a month old, I hope the OP has received some relief. It looked as though the CS issues were just the beginning of her problems.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> In my state they only look at the income of the actual parents. Step parent income does not count.


(Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, just been through divorce)

In general that is true, but there are some ways some judges get around that to "impute" higher income/ability to pay on the non-custodial parent based on the new spouse's income.

Here are a couple of Divorce Lawyer links from New York and California that superficially address this.

Child Support: Is My New Spouse's Income Used to Calculate My Payment? : New York Divorce Report : Daniel E. Clement: New Jersey & NY Lawyer & Attorney for Family Law & Pre-Nuptials

Is My Spouse's Income Included When Calculating Child Support?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

What if the non custodial parent marries someone who does not work? Will the new spouse be expected to work? Will the courts accept that the non custodial parent has taken on a new dependent?


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