# Can you imagine life without your significant other?



## Confused99 (Jul 29, 2010)

I read a quote the other day (I think on someone's Facebook page?) that went something like, "I refuse to be someone's option etc." basically that if it's real love it'll be when that person can't be lived without not simply a choice. 

Anyway, I was wondering if that was how most people felt when "in love"/married. Can you imagine life without your wife/husband? Is wondering about it a bad sign?

Thoughts...?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I don't know if it can simply be thought of as a 'bad' sign.

For a short time I wondered what life would be like without my husband. He actually encouraged me to daydream about this. He wanted me to be sure that this life we were living together was what I really wanted. There were a lot of big changes happening in our world and I was questioning everything. I shared with him the emotions and confusion I was going through. I was still in love with him. And vice verse. It's painful to think about now but for what was happening at the time, it was necessary for us to continue. We waded through emotional stuff together and faced up to certain aspects of ourselves and the relationship. Neither of us could step a foot away from each other. Neither of us could sleep apart. Even when we were going through it, we were still each others best friend. 

I honestly feel we are stronger for this experience. It wasn't just about me 'wondering' ....there were aspects we needed to work on together. 

I think it's a bigger concern to ignore your own thoughts and feelings and continue without pausing to reflect or share them with your SO. It's almost easier to carry on down a path you've set for yourself and not question it. I don't think it means it's the end of the relationship. I'd say it means you have emotions and you're human. Perhaps there are aspects in the relationship that need attention? I think it goes beyond the wondering when people keep thoughts to themselves, allow potential issues to arise, and then begin mentally checking-out: then fast forward to the point where their SO is left thinking what on earth happened?

I'm guessing by your username, that you're a bit confused yourself rather than it being a general conversation topic? I would suggest to bring your mind back to your relationship and what's really going on - together. I never imagined we'd go through this. And now, yet again, I can't fathom my life without him in it.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

I am going through a rough patch now. Really, for a while now. My wife is my best friend. As far as romance/ sex, over 18 years, there has been very little. 

My wife is trying though. in the past year, we have had more sex that the previous 18 years combined. I know she is not feeling it, nor am I.

To answer your question, As bad as things seem to be, I can't imagine my life without my wife. So, I am slowly drifting away. I spend more time at work and I have started a few hobbies.

For the first time in 19 years, I went to have breakfast with "the guys" after the bike ride. I've never done that before. It has ALWAYS been my wife and I.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

I can however I don't want to go there. My wife has essentially forced me to visualize what it'd be like without her because of our now two year old "sexless" marriage. 

I would much prefer to stay and keep our family intact...I do see signs that she is making efforts...so I'm hopeful.

As for how my life would change...I'm pretty self supportive my wife along time ago stopped doing my laundry. I know how to cook. I could manage just fine on my own and be happy. Like I said I prefer being married but a sexless marriage takes its toll. I've had to get myself mentally to the point I'm ok regardless the outcome.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I really and truly could NOT imagine my life without my husband.
And then we divorced.
Now it's hard for me to imagine life with him currently.


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## Again71 (Mar 31, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I really and truly could NOT imagine my life without my husband.
> And then we divorced.
> Now it's hard for me to imagine life with him currently.



I really hope I can feel this way soon. 

I am having a horrible time dealing with the thought of with life without him; he just ended our 10 yr relationship.


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## FormerlyCareFree (Nov 25, 2011)

My husband is much older than me and I worry about the day when he's not here anymore and i'll have to spend the rest of my days alone. Not to mention the utter devastation of losing him. 

Could I imagine my life without him? 

Yes and no.


If he cheated on me, yes, I can certainly imagine my life without him. 

If he passed away, I would die.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Confused99 said:


> I read a quote the other day (I think on someone's Facebook page?) that went something like, "I refuse to be someone's option etc." basically that if it's real love it'll be when that person can't be lived without not simply a choice.
> 
> Anyway, I was wondering if that was how most people felt when "in love"/married. Can you imagine life without your wife/husband? Is wondering about it a bad sign?
> 
> Thoughts...?



Every day with my husband is a blessing to me. Sharing my life with him is a blessing to me. Can I imagine life without him? Yes. I will miss him terribly, but I know I will go on. I won't die without him. 

I will and plan to enjoy him every day I have him.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I can imagine life without him as I was single for a long time.

I just enjoy life with him more than I enjoyed life being single.

And I hated being apart while we were separated. But I didn't die.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

I think it's called a 'fantasy'.


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## code7600 (Mar 20, 2011)

I could imagine being separate, but it wouldn't be pretty. We're together 39 yrs, married 32. We've reached the "in sickness and in health." stage.
We are very supportive of each other in the loving and emotional sense, and physically. Just have to *not* get sick at the same time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Not only can I imagine it ... I can live it!

Every relationship is optional, and a choice, regardless of some smarmy saying.

When it's good, it's an easy option and choice. When it isn't ... well that's when love has it's feet put to the fire.

NEVER make your personal sense of well-being and happiness solely dependent upon the presence of another in your life.

Life is far too fluid, and people are well ... people.


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## Marque (Nov 8, 2011)

yes i could


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

> NEVER make your personal sense of well-being and happiness solely dependent upon the presence of another in your life.


:smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Again71 said:


> I really hope I can feel this way soon.
> 
> I am having a horrible time dealing with the thought of with life without him; he just ended our 10 yr relationship.


You will. I promise. You are in the thick of it right now. It's still raw to you. There WILL come a time though where you will think "I can't even imagine what it'd be like if we were together again" cause it will seem foreign to you since you're not used to having him around anymore.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I sure can. I am me, he is he, and together we are we. Three separate things going on there. If the three get too mixed up together, it isn't good for either person. Me and he need to be healthy on our own in order for we to be healthy. And that includes knowing that we each would be fine without the other.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I think it is good to be able to imagine your life without your significant other. If people did this more often, they probably wouldn't cheat.

It helps you to appreciate what you have.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Deejo said:


> Every relationship is optional, and a choice, regardless of some smarmy saying.
> 
> When it's good, it's an easy option and choice. When it isn't ... well that's when love has it's feet put to the fire.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


Although I said I couldn't fathom life without him, this doesn't mean I'm emotionally dependent on him. Or vice verse. Rather, we _want_ to be in each others worlds and I'm grateful for the lessons we learned to be where we're at - together. Of course there's ebbs and flows with everything in life, we have our journey as a couple, and we have our journey as individuals.


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## trudy (Oct 2, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I really and truly could NOT imagine my life without my husband.
> And then we divorced.
> Now it's hard for me to imagine life with him currently.


It good to know you have survived the transition despite your earlier doubts.

Now that you are on the other side, do you have any advice for those of us on the brink of making a decision to split but are scared senseless of being alone please?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I know that I can live without my W, but heaven knows, I wouldn't want to.


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Like Jellybeans said (though I am not divorced....haven't seen him in two years).


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

After this last week, I am beginning to think it about it more and more and my smile cannot stop.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I'm almost there. Still trying to shape a new vision for my new life. I just know the old one is gone for good. A bit scary and exciting...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Trying2figureitout said:


> I can however I don't want to go there. My wife has essentially forced me to visualize what it'd be like without her because of our now two year old "sexless" marriage.
> 
> I would much prefer to stay and keep our family intact...I do see signs that she is making efforts...so I'm hopeful.
> 
> As for how my life would change...I'm pretty self supportive my wife along time ago stopped doing my laundry. I know how to cook. I could manage just fine on my own and be happy. Like I said I prefer being married but a sexless marriage takes its toll. I've had to get myself mentally to the point I'm ok regardless the outcome.


How did that happen? Did you have sex before marriage?


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## ClosedOff (Nov 30, 2011)

Hope1964 said:


> ... I am me, he is he, and together we are we. Three separate things going on there. If the three get too mixed up together, it isn't good for either person. ...


Wow, that was good.


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## hunter_aussie (Nov 7, 2011)

Relationships can be really tough. You invest yourself into someone and as the years go by they become the other part of you. You have ups, then downs. You love them, you want to throw them off a bridge.

People mentally check out of relationships sometimes, then come back in for whatever reason. Or they drift off, or through lack of communication it ends anyway.

The hardest part is when times are tough, the grass does seem greener on the other side. Sometimes it isn't, and you find out too late and live with regret. So many people ask what is love? It's different things to different people. 

Some people can't live without their other halves. When it ends, it becomes almost unbearable. For some it is. Others find that inner strength/peace.

I think you need to explore who you are outside of a relationship too so if for whatever reason it ends, in 5, 10 or 30 years - you know enough about yourself and are strong enough to cope.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Would it be sad to say YES? With enthusiasm, even??

Technically, yes, I can live without my husband. I will still eat, breathe, and function.

Would I be sad without him in my life? I suppose at times, I would be. 

The sad truth is, there wouldn't be much to miss anymore... I'm a ghost in his life and I long for the attention he once gave me. I am only human, I want to be loved, held, kissed, even just have my existence acknowledged without me having to be dramatic to get it. It's getting old, and I'm getting tired.

To be fair, I've never had that "can't live without you feeling" for anyone, and I've had several years-long relationships I ended with little or no pain.

Maybe my heart is just being scarred over with the pain of disappointments, all the failed attempts to be myself without being someone else for somebody else.

Sorry if that all came off as a scornful over-reaction. Must be the hormones. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## charlene (Jul 21, 2011)

I was like that /"can't imagine life without you"/ in early years of dating ... Now, i can imagine it... My imagination goes even further...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I can't imagine life without my wife, we've just been through too much together and at worst we will just end up being best friends again. Marriage is a pain, and I can live without it however,


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Not at all. The best part about is that my hubby and my feelings are mutual for each other. We both have very strong feelings for one another and have for the last 13 years together. We have a very strong bond and emotional/physical connection with each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

stritle said:


> i can imagine it
> 
> it's becoming my happy place thought


This is pretty much where I am at right now.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I often think TOO MUCH playing "What If?" games in my head ...and this question is one of them.....what if something happened to my dear husband & he was taken from me!? The near thought of this can cause me to tear up within seconds - and it has... or if this song would come on the radio, I'd cry a river right there ! 

BREAD - Everything I own (1972) - YouTube

I am pathetically & weak in the knees emotionally attached to my husband. Although my time of greiving would be a walk in HELL, I believe I would pick myself up off the floor & go on, even find another. I would not enjoy being single, I just know me too well, I NEED romance and I NEED a man - "Amorous" might as well be my middle name. 

But I do not believe I would find a "fit" equal to him no matter how hard I searched this earth or how long I lived......I would find myself with someone I faught more with, who is more emotionally distant than what my husband was, who may not appreciate my level of transparency, who would find my lust for giving & receiving affection too much and I might kill him with sex.... I don't think any could "happily handle" me the way my husband does. He has spoiled me terribly and I know if something happens to him, the joy & happiness I once knew would only be a measure with another. 

I asked him this question last night and he says to me..."It wouldn't be good.....You are my everything....and I hate everyone else". Always short & to the point, that's my man!


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Deejo said:


> NEVER make your personal sense of well-being and happiness solely dependent upon the presence of another in your life.


Perfectly said. What's funny is I often cringe when people have screen names like "hersforever" or "lovingwife". I often wonder if they no longer see themselves as an individual.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Kobo said:


> Perfectly said. What's funny is I often cringe when people have screen names like "hersforever" or "lovingwife". I often wonder if they no longer see themselves as an individual.


A lot of those people have really optimistic names, but they're posts aren't always so positive...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Kobo said:


> Perfectly said. What's funny is I often cringe when people have screen names like "hersforever" or "lovingwife". I often wonder if they no longer see themselves as an individual.


Cringe , why cringe - and anyway, why is there something wrong with this if BOTH feel the same? Granted, as for me, if my other half didn't feel the same, maybe I would have MORE hobbies , even gotten a job to get away from him some. I am not the co-dependent type-at all , I would find my separate identity real quick and make a life without him, if I was being mistreated. 

Some people are so into their careers, positions, their kids, a specific hobby, religion, they get lost in it, our identities can get wrapped up into anything outside of ourselves, if we are not careful, being near consumed . What is so wrong with being LOST in our spouses- in our marriages, if that is what we ENJOY in life, the togetherness ? 

The only thing I see bad about this is ....if they DIE or something tragic happens to do an overhaul to the relationship to where it will never be the same. But hey, Life is a RISK at every turn, better to loved & loved HARD with every fiber ...and experience LOSS -than shy away from it fearing it is too much. 

I do not have a career, my heart is in the home, I was destined for that. That is what does it -for me. I am very much in tune with who I am. 

I do not feel , or maybe some of these other wives with these names that cause cringing, that there is anything wrong with that --unless they are being used /abused / and hurt at home & couldn't pull themselves away -seeing a "*separate identity*" away from the abuse. 

Does that make sense? Or am I missing it ?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

trudy said:


> It good to know you have survived the transition despite your earlier doubts.
> 
> Now that you are on the other side, do you have any advice for those of us on the brink of making a decision to split but are scared senseless of being alone please?


My advice is to give it your best shot. And if it does not work out, then you can walk away knowing you tried your best.

Life does, indeed, go on. Sometimes we want to hang onto something that we know isn't good for us because we fear the unknown, the alternative. When fear is so useless. It keeps people from doing things they should. A lot of people stay in bad relationships/marriages because they thing that being single is 20x worse than being badly coupled when in fact it couldn't be more untrue. It's unhealthy to stay in a bad relationship. 

Nothing lasts forever. 

And it does get better with time. Everything does. 

Time is on your side.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Cringe , why cringe -





SimplyAmorous said:


> Some people are so into their careers, positions, their kids, a specific hobby, religion, they get lost in it, our identities can get wrapped up into anything outside of ourselves, if we are not careful, being near consumed .



You answered your own question


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I might have answered my own question Kobo but those things I just mentioned ---being consumed in careers, positions, kids, specific hobbies & religion can DESTROY marraiges -not when you are caught up in each other-- again -if you both "desire" that. 

Maybe all these "LuvMyHusband" and "ImInLoveWithMyMan" posters are living just that. How many men on here complain their wives LIVE for the kids ? How many wives on here are hurt because the husbands Job gets more attention than she does?

We go on & on & on about how we are suppose to put our spouses 1st , and when someone expresses that in a username - we cringe. 

I am just picking apart your words , you know .  

I just don't cringe. Although on Parenting sites in the past, I must confess when I see names like "HeathersMommy" or something , I do tend to get the idea this MOM lives for her daughter, but it is just a name, ya know, she takes pride in her daughter, no different than someone calling themselves "#1SteelerFan" or something. It is an expression of who they are, what they love.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

What Kobo is saying is swap out career, position, kids, for 'spouse' and it can be equally detrimental, unless, as you point out ... there is balance and understanding between both partners.

People that define themselves according to their spouse get tagged as needy, or smothering ... neither being terribly attractive.

My ex defined herself completely by the kids, to the exclusion of being a partner, wife or even her own personal wishes. 

It's undoubtedly how people get lost.

Too much of anything is seldom a good thing.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

...Except too much lovemaking!!:smthumbup::smthumbup: What a glorious problem to have!!

I can imagine my life without my husband. It would be lonely, but it is doable.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> "It wouldn't be good.....You are my everything....*and I hate everyone else*". Always short & to the point, that's my man!


heheh ....I likey!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Deejo said:


> What Kobo is saying is swap out career, position, kids, for 'spouse' and it can be equally detrimental, unless, as you point out ... there is balance and understanding between both partners.
> 
> People that define themselves according to their spouse get tagged as needy, or smothering ... neither being terribly attractive.
> 
> ...


 I guess some could be looked upon as *Needy smothering blood suckers*.... I guess if our spouses enjoy it, it is all gooood. 

I wasn't needy enough in the past , asked him about that tonight, he said "Heck No!". He was the Needy one then --but he wouldn't show it... No, he was too much of a man for that. 

He did admit I am "needy" now, he added I was building it up over all those years- but he WANTS that, saying the other was NO GOOD. Smothering.... he says NO, I threw Blood sucking in there, he said "Yeah! " but he was just kidding. 

I like being lost where I am lost. Since we missed each other along the way for so many years, me falling into the whole MOMMY thing like so many do, I am a bit overly "lost" right now, I am over compensating, likely. This would make sense given our personal journey. 

I suppose it will all even out ....in time. I am still on my Mid Life Honeymoon. 

I will admit, I often sympathize MORE with the "needier" spouses, it may very well BE unattractive, but I also feel sometimes the faults lie equally on the other side, as the other may be.... too busy.... overly independent.... ..lacking affection...distant....cold. 

What a blessing, without the uphill battle, to be rightfully "matched" with what WORKS for us as the unique individuals that we are.... whether that be on the needy side or the independent "I need my space- go away!" side of the coin. 

Some of us just ENJOY the ball and chain!


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## Confused99 (Jul 29, 2010)

One of my Facebook friends posted a status the other day saying something like "People finally make a change when the fear of the unknown is less than the fear of staying"...I just think I'm at that point. MAYBE if I stayed things might get better periodically or they may turn around completely I dont know...but so far I've stayed for two years with constant stress and downs. Its either in between (neither good or bad) or chaos. Cant remember the last up at all. I got fed up and went to my parent's house for two months and came back and I feel like I dont even live here anymore. Every day there has just been constant frustrations and disappointments STILL!! Can we just get along for one week especially since I've been away??? I finally got a chance to relax at my parents house and came back to rotten food in the fridge, no groceries, dishes, stack of unopened mail etc. What a welcome home gift that was.."hi honey now get to ur wifely duties!"...Now I'm just getting moody and angry and then I feel worse about myself cauz I dont even like being in a bad mood so being in a bad mood makes me feel bad and then I feel worse and its a vicious cycles of moods and stress from having to run myself ragged taking care of my life and someone else's when he's supposed to be a competent adult.

I've always been afraid of being alone but the idea of cleaning up after myself only and taking care of myself only seems like heaven on Earth lately. I just want to relax and enjoy life and if he washed his own plates more often (among other such things) it would really give me more time to do so!! 



And we dont even have kids yet...can't imagine going from this lack of freedom and happiness to being a mom and having to take care of an adult man+helpless young lives...


Starting to think being on my own for a few years until I can find someone willing to be more of an equal partner is what the doctor ordered...just dont like to be around people who feel the need to make life harder than it already is...


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Honestly, yes I can. 

I think relationships can be awesome when they are working, but I know first hand how wretched they are when they fall apart. So if that were to happen to me again, I'd rather be single than to spend years fighting for it. 

So, in short I'll make it either way.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Confused99 said:


> One of my Facebook friends posted a status the other day saying something like "People finally make a change when the fear of the unknown is less than the fear of staying"...I just think I'm at that point.


That is the impetus for most unpleasant decisions people make.


SA, think I've told you before, I am by nature a giver. A big giver. I'm a facilitator, a fixer, a negotiator, a peacemaker.

I want good outcomes for everybody. There was a time that I would have called myself idealistic.

I have most certainly tweaked aspects of myself for protective measures, and overall, to meet, and experience what more women may have to offer. I have yet ... ever ... to meet someone who is just like me. I've come close.

My last 'relationship' ended in April. In hindsight, I actually think our not truly connecting was a case of neither of us willing to be completely vulnerable. 

You know what I've discovered as a bonafide grownup? Love isn't easy. Certainly not nearly as easy as when we are young, and have neither the burdens, nor knowledge that we come to bear as older adults.

Often warms my heart to read your posts, and posts from a number of others that from my perspective ... seem extraordinarily self-aware, and part of that self-awareness is a deep desire to serve their marriage.

Boy do I wish there were a whole lot more like you.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Nope, I can't. The idea of a life in which he isn't at all a figure is unbearable to me. Of course, that's why I'm deeply depressed during this separation which doesn't look like it's going anywhere good. He cheated and was abusive; when confronted, he blame-shifted, gas-lighted, mis-directed with anger, and is currently blaming me for his affair and behavior being exposed but not even admitting that he did anything wrong. I hope he'll snap out of it and we can try counseling. Doing what seems to be the 180 Plan B thing -- not contacting him, hoping he realizes he's screwed up, but it's going badly. Stalemate. He wants me to accept blame for his actions (and just say that I deserved his behavior) but I want him to realize it was his own choice and not my fault. Separated 3 months. We've spoken about once a month and it's approaching month 3 and I'm debating calling because he seems like he finally wants to talk. He emails me though. I know I would survive and do fine without him, but he's the love of my life (even if he's an a******) and I can't imagine him not being in my life; it is and would be emptier. Troubled, yes, but when he's not making me cry, he delights me. I'm no good at boundaries. Therapy has shown me that this is not at all a healthy thing. I don't think that such an attachment is a good gauge for real love. Better to think of whether or not the person makes you happy and whether when you are with the person, you feel like your life is enriched.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

Confused99 said:


> I read a quote the other day (I think on someone's Facebook page?) that went something like, "I refuse to be someone's option etc." basically that if it's real love it'll be when that person can't be lived without not simply a choice.
> 
> Anyway, I was wondering if that was how most people felt when "in love"/married. Can you imagine life without your wife/husband? Is wondering about it a bad sign?
> 
> Thoughts...?


I've seen that quote on a friends FB, and had a very different opinion of it.

To answer your question, I cannot. We are one, and I will always love her. Now if the time comes when we are no longer together, I know I will survive.


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## annagarret (Jun 12, 2011)

I have thought about the day when death will separate us. It breaks my heart so badly.....but at the same time we have known each other for over 26 yrs and I know I am so blessed to have met and taken care off and loved the most wonderful and selfless man God ever created. I feel complete peace in my husbands eyes and arms. If I lost him at first I would feel like I couldn't go on but I would know I would have to for the sake of the children. 

It's a peaceful but strange feeling knowing that one day one of us will die first and leave the other behind, crying... 

I am truly the happiest and most loved woman who walked the earth just by being married to my beloved husband


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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

annagarret said:


> I have thought about the day when death will separate us. It breaks my heart so badly.....but at the same time we have known each other for over 26 yrs and I know I am so blessed to have met and taken care off and loved the most wonderful and selfless man God ever created. I feel complete peace in my husbands eyes and arms. If I lost him at first I would feel like I couldn't go on but I would know I would have to for the sake of the children.
> 
> It's a peaceful but strange feeling knowing that one day one of us will die first and leave the other behind, crying...
> 
> I am truly the happiest and most loved woman who walked the earth just by being married to my beloved husband


I so VERY much said the same thing until my marriage crumbled with one freaking boundary crossing affair of my love's .

Enjoy. All who FEEEEEEEEL the love, cherish and enjoy!


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I might have answered my own question Kobo but those things I just mentioned ---being consumed in careers, positions, kids, specific hobbies & religion can DESTROY marraiges -not when you are caught up in each other-- again -if you both "desire" that.


Yes, being caught up so much that you don't allow your spouse the freedoms they desire can hurt a mariage

being consumed with someone so much that you allow them to be disrespectful to you can hurt a marriage

being consumed so much that you allow them to physically abuse you can hurt a marriage

Listen my basic rule to a happy marriage is to put each other first. That doesn't mean you lose your sense of self. In fact its when we do lose ourselves that spouses begin to feel cramped, begin to see us as needy, etc. While it seems logical to be totally consumed with your spouse it can actually work to your detriment.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^^ Excellent post


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## Ayan (Nov 26, 2011)

> NEVER make your personal sense of well-being and happiness solely dependent upon the presence of another in your life.



:iagree:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Kobo said:


> Listen my basic rule to a happy marriage is to put each other first. That doesn't mean you lose your sense of self. In fact its when we do lose ourselves that spouses begin to feel cramped, begin to see us as needy, etc. While it seems logical to be totally consumed with your spouse it can actually work to your detriment.


This is so silly, here I am trying to defend "Neediness" ... Leave it to me! 99 % will agree with you ....my husband wouldn't -not the part about feeling cramped or coming to detriment. 

Yeah, maybe he is a bumbling fool, but it is what it is. Accually it is a part of his temperment, read the 1st line of this.... ISFJ Profile 



> ISFJs are characterized above all by their desire to serve others, their "*need to be needed*." In extreme cases, this need is so strong that standard give-and-take relationships are deeply unsatisfying to them


Trust me when I say, this is how the man IS. He has never felt as loved ...until I became more "NEEDY" - he once described it as "EASY".... And I have discovered parts of him I was missing our entire marraige due to being a little too independent -taking him for granted. 

I never said we were normal !! But everything else you said KOBO, of coarse -it is all sound & very very True, we shouldn't loose site of ourselves - not healthy! I do not believe we have. 

I totally identify with Annagaret's post -as I always do, I have to check myself....did I write that ! 

Deejo, you are a Sweet heart  ... I do believe you totally "get me" . I do have my unfavorable traits, but yeah, self awareness, I do so try to be.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Deejo, you know, I still have this habit of reading your posts and thinking to myself --hmmm if I don't agree with him, I must be off track somehow .... many times I want to take what you say and throw up like 5 or 6 of these >>> :iagree: but it will seem like I am stalking you , so I restrain myself . Ha ha 

You appear to be incredibly self aware also.


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