# Trying to leave but dont know how



## Jamie28 (Jun 2, 2021)

Where to even begin. I'm 28 been with my husband for almost 11 years now we got together after I had a bad breakup and honestly I knew from the beginning it wasnt going to last. But being young and dumb I stayed with several failed atempts to leave he always talked me into coming back fast forward 3 years and I get pregnant (wasnt planned) but I was ecstatic she was born and everything seemed so perfect we were happier than ever but then after a year things started going down hill but we had another daughter and a son years later because my daugher is the only thing that brought me happiness so I wanted more kids and I love all 3 of my babies more than life itself but now I feel like I need to stay so they dont get caught up in our drama of getting divorced I know staying together can cause just as many issues but I feel like ive failed them but I dont know how much longer I can take of being ignored and pushed to the side I stuggle with getting out of bed every morning I'm so miserable. My husband is a branch manger at a busy company I know his job stresses him out but I honestly feel like he doesn't love me at all but he wont admit it he just keeps us in this limbo and I'm so tired but when planing to leave I have nowhere to go im a warehouse worker at his company and only get about 25 hours a week I dont even know where to begin how to leave and if I can I dont want to break my babies hearts my oldest is 7 so shes old enough to understand im just so lost and beat down I just want to be happy again I guess this post is to see if there is anybody on here that has been in my position and how they got through it.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

What things do you mean other than him working a lot and feeling like he doesn’t love you? Unless there’s more, it’s a very common feeling when kids come along that the working spouse works a lot, and the one working less or stuck at home feels unloved.

what specifically led you to leave the last few times?


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## Jamie28 (Jun 2, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> What things do you mean other than him working a lot and feeling like he doesn’t love you? Unless there’s more, it’s a very common feeling when kids come along that the working spouse works a lot, and the one working less or stuck at home feels unloved.
> 
> what specifically led you to leave the last few times?



Its been a long time since ive tried to leave and I guess the same reason now he is just super detached doesnt want to do anything with me I'm definitely not that needy women who gets upset if her husband is tired and just wants to relax but after almost 11 years its just getting to me we dont talk I try so hard to start conversation and to do fun things but he just gives me one word replies and acts like he'd rather be anywhere else I go out of my way to try and make his life easier but its met with nothing in return we seem as tho we've been roommates he will talk for hours with his friend but cant bother to say 2 words to me I know hes under alot of stress but deep down i know he isnt happy with me but he just wont let go everytime I bring up not being happy he gets mad and plays the victim and then just completely ignores me when I try and talk about things and everytime im to the point where im ready to walk away and he knows it he'll send me a mile long message about how much he loves me and doesn't want me to leave. everytime it gets that bad he also blames whatever we got going on for the reason he is distant rather it be money. where we live. Work you name it he always blames one of those reasons why he cant hold a conversation with me even when we eat dinner he sits to where he can watch tv. Im just tired I just want him to let me go but I also dont even know where I'd go or if the kids will be better if I stayed.


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## Hope4us55123 (Jun 1, 2021)

Jamie28 said:


> Where to even begin. I'm 28 been with my husband for almost 11 years now we got together after I had a bad breakup and honestly I knew from the beginning it wasnt going to last. But being young and dumb I stayed with several failed atempts to leave he always talked me into coming back fast forward 3 years and I get pregnant (wasnt planned) but I was ecstatic she was born and everything seemed so perfect we were happier than ever but then after a year things started going down hill but we had another daughter and a son years later because my daugher is the only thing that brought me happiness so I wanted more kids and I love all 3 of my babies more than life itself but now I feel like I need to stay so they dont get caught up in our drama of getting divorced I know staying together can cause just as many issues but I feel like ive failed them but I dont know how much longer I can take of being ignored and pushed to the side I stuggle with getting out of bed every morning I'm so miserable. My husband is a branch manger at a busy company I know his job stresses him out but I honestly feel like he doesn't love me at all but he wont admit it he just keeps us in this limbo and I'm so tired but when planing to leave I have nowhere to go im a warehouse worker at his company and only get about 25 hours a week I dont even know where to begin how to leave and if I can I dont want to break my babies hearts my oldest is 7 so shes old enough to understand im just so lost and beat down I just want to be happy again I guess this post is to see if there is anybody on here that has been in my position and how they got through it.


What your describing is probably all too common. I’m probably not as emotionally available for my wife as I should be. We have 3 kids, she stays at home and takes care of them from dawn to dusk. On top of that, she has to take care of managing the household (paying bills, taking the kids to the Dr., planning their activities, laundry, meals, etc. etc.). I can’t imagine how exhausted she feels.

I know I don’t help given a full work load and prior to COVID quite a bit of travel. So she really was doing a lot of it by herself.

I don’t think that I’ve reacted negatively to anything she’s asked for however I haven’t been too proactive either. 

I hope your husband recognizes that what you are doing is invaluable. 

There are no quick answers to a problem especially when someone isn’t able to acknowledge that one exists. I hope you can start a dialogue that makes him realize all the things that you are doing. Maybe that will cause a light bulb to go off and make him start to turn the corner. Approaching the topic directly maybe setting him into a defensive position off the bat and not letting you get the conversation far enough along.

I don’t fully know your situation and so maybe the recommendation isn’t a good fit, it’s just an option to consider if you haven’t already.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

I don't have a solution for your problem but I will offer some advice that might prevent it from becoming even worse.

Having more children will not bring you more happiness.


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