# No Love = Divorce?



## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

Has anyone been in my situation?

Before marriage you thought you were in love then marriage happens and after a couple of years you discover your not really in love and then try and build that love but it just doesn't seem to come?


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## Mrs. Segedy (Apr 17, 2010)

Are you really falling out of love, or is it because you're not getting along?


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## created4success (Apr 9, 2010)

braveheart2009 said:


> Has anyone been in my situation?
> 
> Before marriage you thought you were in love then marriage happens and after a couple of years you discover your not really in love and then try and build that love but it just doesn't seem to come?


My guess is that most of us who have been married for any length of time have been there. Love and marriage is about commitment; not about who can make you feel the best or who looks best on your shoulder.

I would encourage you to continue to work on your relationship. If you need to, seek counseling. Usually, when a couple hits the 2-5 year mark in marriage is when it gets really tough. You realize your spouse really isn't perfect, does have faults, and suddenly, everyone else seems to be so much more appealing.

Unfortunately, the grass isn't greener on the other side. 2nd and 3rd marriages have almost a 74% chance of ending in divorce vs. 1s marriage (50%). I think that's because you bring your same problems into your next marriage.


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## daisykay (Mar 17, 2010)

I do feel the same way. My husband and I have been trying to make things better. We talked about everything that we wanted each other to do to make us happy, and with him doing everything, it hasn't changed a thing for me. I unfortunatly fell out of love with him. I feel bad, and we have two daughters, but I do believe that it does happen. I am here if you want to talk. PM me if you want.


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## braveheart2009 (Mar 25, 2009)

created4success said:


> My guess is that most of us who have been married for any length of time have been there. Love and marriage is about commitment; not about who can make you feel the best or who looks best on your shoulder.
> 
> I would encourage you to continue to work on your relationship. If you need to, seek counseling. Usually, when a couple hits the 2-5 year mark in marriage is when it gets really tough. You realize your spouse really isn't perfect, does have faults, and suddenly, everyone else seems to be so much more appealing.
> 
> Unfortunately, the grass isn't greener on the other side. 2nd and 3rd marriages have almost a 74% chance of ending in divorce vs. 1s marriage (50%). I think that's because you bring your same problems into your next marriage.


Thing with counseling is that I am 99% sure she would reject any counseling as she has been acting like everything is okay for the last 2 years and all the fights we have got into seems like nothing happened when it did? I don't see how counseling will help me. Although, I have not been married for more than 2 years I see the first 5 years as potentially the most difficult. There are many couples who have a better marriage after there first as they know what to expect of marriage. 



daisykay said:


> I do feel the same way. My husband and I have been trying to make things better. We talked about everything that we wanted each other to do to make us happy, and with him doing everything, it hasn't changed a thing for me. I unfortunatly fell out of love with him. I feel bad, and we have two daughters, but I do believe that it does happen. I am here if you want to talk. PM me if you want.


It's good to see both of you are trying to make things better and have sat down and admitted and talked about it. Did you feel by having 2 children would help grow your love between both of you and has it improved in any way? I am getting peer pressure to have children when I don't want to.


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## created4success (Apr 9, 2010)

braveheart2009 said:


> Thing with counseling is that I am 99% sure she would reject any counseling as she has been acting like everything is okay for the last 2 years and all the fights we have got into seems like nothing happened when it did? I don't see how counseling will help me. Although, I have not been married for more than 2 years I see the first 5 years as potentially the most difficult. There are many couples who have a better marriage after there first as they know what to expect of marriage.


I understand. Yes, the first few years are by far the most challenging, so chances are, if you make it past the 5-8 year mark, your on your way!... And as long as you keep the communication channels open and you consistently dialogue with each other, you'll be able to talk thru conflicts, disagreements and problem issues.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

Here's best advice for all.....newbies-grays, *COMMUNICATION !*
I KNOW its simplistic to say, but really hard to perform.
Knowing what I know now, its only limitations is you n yer mate.
1st take a good look inside yourself or get a counselor to help u do so. Then see what u can change n what u cannot. what u will settle for and again, not. No man is an island (sorry, cliche)so check yer beliefs vs a higher spiritual reference. (mine happens to be Christianity.

If i were to guess i'd say being newbies at marriage, leaves u both in the SELFISH stage of personal development. 
If u 2 can sit down and discuss things constructively, rather than destructively (easier said...) Then u'll work it out, minus 
the selfish side of things, that is. if not u'll battle like 
the rest of us, i guess. lol.

good luck


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## created4success (Apr 9, 2010)

cb45 said:


> Here's best advice for all.....newbies-grays, *COMMUNICATION !*
> I KNOW its simplistic to say, but really hard to perform.
> Knowing what I know now, its only limitations is you n yer mate.
> 1st take a good look inside yourself or get a counselor to help u do so. Then see what u can change n what u cannot. what u will settle for and again, not. No man is an island (sorry, cliche)so check yer beliefs vs a higher spiritual reference. (mine happens to be Christianity.
> ...




I couldn't have said it better: communication is key in marriage, as simple as it sounds. The moment one or both partners take offense at the other, withdraw and stop communicating is when problems begin!~


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