# Problems with the in-laws, please help



## ladyj23 (Oct 28, 2013)

Lately I have been having some issues with my in-laws. These issues have been going on since I had my kids. I think I'm finally understanding that my mother in law has been taking control and she cant stand not having the control. Since I met my husband she didn't like me, my friend who was then my husbands cousin's GF, told me that my mother in law told them she didn't like me already because she had a bad "feeling" about me. Usually when you program yourself to automatically dislike somebody for no given reason, you pretty much will dislike them and have negative feelings all the time for them and also make up reason to dislike them. Especially since she is that type of person. The control part comes in when I got pregnant she was really upset and for several weeks she was mad, she showed it too. Whenever we would go out together she was mad and talked to me rude never really made eye contact with me. But mid-ways or a lil more into the pregnancy she started to act like she liked me, I was stupid to fall for it because NOW I see that she only did that to be able to be apart of her grandchild's life. That right there is the control I'm talking about, that is taking control and manipulating. The reason is because she still don't like me( never has), they only want to do things with us to be with the grandchildren. It hurts, because I got manipulated for so long (how stupid am I). Also, they really are competitive with the grandchild, towards me. I know grandparents are competitive with other grandparents since they want to be the best. But is it normal for them to be like this towards me, always wanting to win them over with toys and such. It's frustrating to have to deal with this. A few weeks ago I went on a trip for 4 days without the children. They were the babysitters and all I ask for was to call before they went to public places just so I would know for my own reasons. Is that to much to ask? They didn't do that for me. I felt like I had no control over the whole thing especially since I was 8 hours away. They took them to like 7 different public places. They assured me, "We ain't going to go out anywhere thought since we don't have money." I was like ok thats fine but all I ask is a phone call. When we got back my husband had a talk with them the part that got me mad was that she said. "Why do you guys NOT want me to not take them out, you just want them stuck inside!!" What the hell? We never asked for that, she said that herself! All I asked for was a phone call! She is trying to make us sound like some big bad people. So now I don't even know how to feel, were not talking to them. They are not talking to us. Who's wrong here? also the thing is they have always done things like that, when they babysit they do the opposite of what I ask. They like to have all the control over them and their son too. I asked if we can all talk but then they pretty much ignored that it seems it will be on their time.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Stop doing things with her. Arrange for the kids to have time with her, but you don't have to be around.


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## Oatmeal (Mar 30, 2012)

Step way back from contact with these people if they show such disregard for your desires as a parent. Your kids shouldn't be around people who show this much disrespect for you either.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Oh, and please break your posts into paragraphs. More people will read it and post that way.


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

You and your husband need to tell them in a straight foreword manner they are your children and its your rules my mother was a bit of a do this make sure you do that type of grandparent till I sat her down and said "I am an adult with my own family now please but out unless we ask for advise" you don't need to be rude or mean about it but you just need to make sure you get the message across clear and simple that if they want to play the game of grandparents then its by your rules.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

"A few weeks ago I went on a trip for 4 days without the children. They were the babysitters and all I ask for was to call before they went to public places just so I would know for my own reasons." You can on a trip and ask them to babysit for YOUR convenience. They do a reasonable job. 

I can understand a little discussion but I am not sure about checking with you 8 hours away about going to a park each day or whatever. 
I can understand the need for a call and there are feelings both ways. This should not be a big deal.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

This thread is from Oct 2013 and the OP has not come back to post on it.


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