# Fiance left me and our 7 month old daughter



## Line595 (Mar 1, 2012)

I wrote another post on here last week talking about my fiance and our problems, now he has left.
H's bagged up all his belongings and gone, still got 2 boxes but dont recon he will come back for them
Luckily our baby is staying with my mum, so hasnt heard or seen any of what went on.
I feel num at the moment, has anyone got any advice or been through the same thing?

i feel like i dont want to tell anyone or ask for help, i think its because i dont want it to be true please help


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry to hear you are going through this. It has got to be very tough.

How long has he been gone?

You have to tell people and ask for help, you and your child are in a vulnerable situation. Tell your parents. Hopefully they will be there for you.


I am sorry to say that after reading your other thread I think you will be better off in the long run without him. His smoking around your baby will cause her health problems and she will most likely grow up to be a smoker. And it sounds like he did not treat you very well.

One of the best ways to get through something like this is to focus on the day to day details. Financial support, a home, food, taking care of your baby.

Do you have any kind of income? Can you support yourself and your baby? How about your house? Do you own it and can you pay the mortgage/rent?

Is he still going to be working for your parents?


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## Line595 (Mar 1, 2012)

He went this moning so not long.
I am still on maternity leave but that ends on the 1st of april, and thats my only income, ill then go back to work.
when i go back to work, after my share of the bills ill be left with £25. now hes gone ive got the £25 a week to cover rent, food, council tax, tv licence and insurance. impossible, that'd come to £220 a month.
Doubt he'll still work there.
We also have our daughters christening in the middle of april, think ill have to cancel and tell everyone whos invited its off. how degrading.
I keep thinking we'd be better off on our own, but in reality a roof over our head and food is important and i cant provide that alone.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

See if your parents will help you with the Christening. It’s important to keep as much normalcy as you can in your and your baby’s life. If you can do this hopefully your family and friends will have an opportunity to show you and baby a lot of love and support.

What kind of social services are available to you? Do you live in the UK? Surely you can sue your fiancé for child support.


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## Line595 (Mar 1, 2012)

Yes we live in the uk. will have to find out about support we are entitled to.
If im honest i dont want his money, i dont even want to see him or his family ever again, im being so selfish but if he's willing to walk out and leave his daughter and his family cant even be bothered to see our baby, why should they have the rights to?
Apart from his mum, his other family have seen her at the most 3 times.
he wasnt even bothered and when i said why did you have a baby with me he shrugged and said i just wanted a kid. he doesnt love me and doesnt care, ive dedicated my life to him to do everything to make HIM happy and this is the thanks i get


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He's only been gone a few hours. For all you know he will come back and ask for custody and visitation. Who knows.

Do look into any financial support you can get. The agencies might go after him to reimburse them the support you get. That's often how it's done. But at least it will be them dealing with him and not you. 

Can youg also get into some individual counseling? I would suggest that you look into why you stayed with him and had a baby when things were clearly not going well.

My guess is that you have very weak boundaries and thus are afraid to put your foot down and not accept him (or others) crossing your boundaries.

With a child now it's even more important that you learn how to set boundaries. If he comes back into your life you will need to be able to do that in a way that let's him know how serious you are. Only then will he (or any other man) respect you. And without respect there cannot be love.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hi Line.
I'm very sorry for what is happening to you and your child. I never experience something like that, you are good to stay up and continue in life.
Now that he left, what is going to be next? What would you like your life to look like? You feel numb, how would you like to feel instead? How can you get to that feeling?
Hard moments can put you down, but don't forget that you are not alone!


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## althea (Jan 26, 2012)

A little late to respond...

My daughter's father left me when she was a baby. There was another woman. I can absolutely relate to how devastated you feel. It is so painful under any circumstances, but post-partum is especially difficult.

I know this is of no consolation to you at this moment, but I promise that you will feel better in time. Please find whatever counselling you can and get therapy. Medication might not hurt either. Find whatever resources you can. As much as you hate him and his family right now, you should seek child support. 

Let your friends and your family help you emotionally, with your baby, and your home. This was hard for me at first, but it eased the burden a lot when I made myself receive their loving gestures.

Get through each day and eventualy it WILL get better. Really.

Best wishes...


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