# Just a General Question?



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I have a general question for everyone that views/posts on TOM.

Why do some posts get lots of views but very few or no feedback while others are blown up with the amount of feedback they receive?

Is it because some topics aren't interesting enough? Or that the person who posted it has a boring issue or the way they posted it doesn't lend itself to feedback? 

I can't believe that every single issue that is posted has not been experienced by at least someone out there viewing it.

So why are some posts answered with alot of feedback and others aren't?

To me it doesn't matter if you have experienced the issue or know someone who has, we all have opinions and advice on every subject, so why not impart some? People just want to be heard and hear what you have to say in return even if they don't agree.

I know some of my posts have not received a lot of feedback, why? Is it the way I post it, the subject matter - what?

Hopefully this one won't be ignored also....


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i usually do not reply to people who aren't married or havent been married very long and are young. i dunno why except that it is likely they have alot of maturing left to do and they usually seem less receptive to advice if its not what they want to hear. i also stay away from people that just come on here and want validation, they too seem reluctant to hear the truth.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Fair enough, thanks for the input. I was just wondering and thinking that maybe no one wants to read my posts and I could get some feedback as to how to improve them. 

I really like this site and look at it everyday to see what people are going through and if I can relate and it has been quite helpful.

Sometimes though the lack of feedback feels like when you're the last person picked for dodgeball...


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I will sometimes view the post, but after reading it, I may not know what to say to them, or I know what to say but I'm not sure of how to phrase it. Like, I might read it and think that they are really ridiculous for doing what they are doing, but obviously saying that isn't useful, but if I can't think of a more polite, helpful way of phrasing it, then I just don't respond. 

Other times, I will realize that they are looking for people to agree with them, or take their side, and I think they are wrong, so I see no reason to waste my time typing a response just so they can shoot it down when I can be typing a response to someone who really wants help and will take what I have to say and give it some thought, even if they disagree in the end.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

For me, I just can't read too many posts and respond too many posts every day. It gets me down reading unhappy posts. And like atruckersgirl said, sometimes we just don't know how to comfort them or reply. We don't have the experience. Everybody's problem is different, everybody's situation is different, everybody's personality is different. 
I like to joke, I wish there is some joking going on here. Everybody is serious and profound.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I think it's mainly that there are so many, you simply can't read and answer them all. If you did, then you'd be obsessive. I'm waiting for a post that reads: "My spouse is leaving me because I spend too much time on this site!" LOL
Maybe they don't respond because they can't relate to the situation. I know that a post about how to make your wife wanna rip your clothes off or how to better communicate with your kids would immediately grab my interest, while I would probably skip one about a husband who works too much.
Let me take this opportunity to vent a bit here; it is a major turn-off when I read one that contains bad grammar, is a bit unclear or my favorite: has no punctuation and is one big three paragraph run-on sentence. No offense intended, but I simply cannot concentrate with that. And I know that you don't have that problem.
Try this: make your titles more interesting. Perhaps they sound too "generic". I know, you're all laughing out there because I looked into this one. Actually, I always find the ones with the innocuous titles to be the most interesting!
Put the words "sex", "cheating", "Mother-in-law is the Antichrist" or "dumbass husband" in it, and they'll be down on your posts like buzzards on a Civil War wounded wagon train!


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## Hopeful1 (Aug 31, 2010)

Agreed with all above. I read as many as I can within the spare time that I have and respond when I feel I can contribute something worthwhile. Often, if others have already responded, all I have to say is "I agree!"

In general, I tend to lean toward more specific or unique post titles. I wonder what the story is behind them...

I find OkeyDokie's comment about not responding to those folks who aren't married, haven't been married long or are young very interesting... but Okey, you may have some very helpful, insightful advice that may help these inexperienced married or young folks. Also, whereas these folks may not seem to be immediately open to your advice, it certainly may sink in and be the thing they need to prevent or fix their issues. That's the great thing about this place -- loads of advice from folks who've been there, done that...


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Me too, I don't read every single post, and most of the time I don't know what to say because I can't relate to everything. I do reply to those that I have at least some experience in.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

MWIL,

I would agree that there are so many posts and so little time, so I tend to respond if I have had experience that I can share. 

I have read many of your posts, and I have some opinion, then read that your h has suffered a brain injury and I honestly have no idea how that plays into your situation, nor do I feel strongly about a 'right' course of action one way or the other. 

I do know that I admire your strength and dedication to your marriage in trying to make the best of a difficult situation.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

I agree with the above and add one more. I'm not the "me too" type of poster. If someone has hit it on the head with a good answer right from the start, I don't need to add my two cents.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Thanks everyone - I now feel like I got picked first at dodgeball!

F-102 - very funny, I'm retired military so I can definitely relate to the Civil War joke.

All others - I agree, guess we all don't have the time to respond to each one. But, if you can, just a little "I hear ya," "I agree," "I don't know what to say but keep your head up," etc., can do wonders for someone even if you can't impart some great wisdom or sound advice.

And, I agree - the ones with typo's, bad grammar, run-on paragraphs, etc., are frustrating and I've been known to make a typo or two myself, but I do read what I post before I hit the "submit reply" button. 

Thanks all! Your responses have been helpful. :lol:


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Thanks Swedish, I'm trying but it's been very hard. 

But, I've come a long way and things are definitely better and happier, but I still struggle where our sexual life is concerned and I'm just reaching out for some ideas and help (other than what my counselor imparts).

Appreciate your time in responding. It helps to know that other people care enough to spend their time to respond...sometimes you feel alone and it helps to know others are there with you, even if you don't know who they are.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I think I responded a few times, but my answers didn't fit what you needed, so I had nothing else to offer.


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## Damselfish (May 21, 2010)

Often I _want _to post to someone's problems/questions. In sorting out my own self, sometimes I am not confident in what I am trying to say. In the future, if can empathize or remotely think I might help, I will do so! Thanks for asking the questions and getting some of us "out of the wordwork!" LOL


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

greenpearl said:


> For me, I just can't read too many posts and respond too many posts every day. It gets me down reading unhappy posts. And like atruckersgirl said, sometimes we just don't know how to comfort them or reply. We don't have the experience. Everybody's problem is different, everybody's situation is different, everybody's personality is different.
> I like to joke, I wish there is some joking going on here. Everybody is serious and profound.



you've posted 260 times this month already :scratchhead:


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> you've posted 260 times this month already :scratchhead:


September is not over yet!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> So why are some posts answered with alot of feedback and others aren't?


 I tend to read what sounds most interesting to me personally, or where I feel I might be able to advise them in a good way -cause I have been there, or know something of what they are asking. Or if the Subject heading stands out. 

*I feel the absolute most important way to get much feeback is to very carefully Choose your words for the subject as this is what GRABS others attention on these boards 1st. * 

Then how you present your story (not too awful long, make sure to use paragraphs, etc) , and if enough who can relate comes upon it. 

Some post and never even come back to check their replies, alot of these do not get much feedback because they don't even care to come back & get invoved with their own issue.


I have read some of your threads. I feel for you & your husband's situation tremendously. I don't think too many can relate to what you are going though , not to this extent anyway. 

I have tried to imagine if I was in your shoes, and honestly, I think you are doing everything you humanly can with him to help the situation, to Be the best wife you can. Not sure what else to add, you seem to be there. The way you are feeling is also very very very understandable under these circumstances , and there-in lies the ongoing struggle you face.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

You are so right! While I'm not perfect, this is the hardest thing I have ever gone through - its truly a "in sickness and in health" situation.

Thanks - appreciate the feedback.


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