# My Marriage......



## SnowQueen75 (Oct 5, 2010)

I met my husband in April 2003. We got Married in July 2003. for 6 years everything was going well, although we have struggled financially and we both have worked as hard as we can, my husband even harder. He just dont like not working, except for decorating our house..lol. My husband has two children from a previous relationship, he had not seen them in a long time (but he does now). Anyway in 2010 i noticed things was not right and my husband seemed to be distant from me. I confronted him one night and asked what the hell was wrong with our marriage, he said he dont love me no more, he packed his stuff and left 2am. Next day he came round i asked him if there was anyone else involved, he was irritated and defensive, then he told me he had got back with the mother of his kids...I was devastated by this!!! He kept coming round everyday, saying he loved me and that he only got back with her only to see his kids, even tho i told him to go to court for access for 6 years and he wouldnt. Weeks passed..and he was still coming round. I started going out with friends and going out as i was getting myself in such a state and started drinking, my mates snapped me out of it. We got back together...We will be married for 9 years in july this year, but my problem is, I just feel my marriage is worthless, he just wants to work and work and work and have no fun, he see's his kids every other sunday(im not allowed to see his kids) so i feel he dont have time for me. He tells me he loves me, i tell him i love him, but the spark has gone...Im in despair, keep crying, i dont want my marriage to end, but there is no fun here anymore, i feel lonely..I tell him this, and all he says is bills have to be paid..like i dont know that!!! But surely marriage is not about just working hard what about the bits in between. I went to my mums for 2 weeks but i missed him so much i only stayed a week, yet i come back home and i want to go back. I feel miserable in my life right now and dont know what to do. My sex life is good i suppose thats one good thing about my marriage, but sex is not the answer in my case.


----------



## AvaTara539 (Apr 10, 2011)

Every other Sunday seeing his kids should NOT count in your mind as 'time he's not spending with you'. That is his obligation and he's scarcely fulfilling it at once every couple of weeks as it is. Has he ever been the type to not be working constantly?


----------



## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

I don't think snow queen is really upset over him seeing his kids (I hope) but I agree, he is obligated to do so, and I also agree that he is doing the bare minimum..however there are some gaps here.

SnowQueen why can you not see the kids? you have been married long enough that you are not just a "passing" woman. I mean NO offence at all but I have to ask...where you the "other woman"? I understand he left you and returned to her for a while..sounds like what is really going on there is dynamics between two women that have loved the same man..believe me i understand. 

I think that you feel very lonely. and I can see why. I think that you need to ask him how he will feel when all the bills are paid..but you are gone. Bills are important YES but I would live in a tent with my husband and enjoy his company..than a mansion where he never is around. KWIM?

anyway. just wanted to tell you I understand.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Does he need to work this much to make his child support payments and perhaps alimony/spousal support? Does he have other financial obligations? Working a lot is sometimes necessary but should not supercede family when it does not absolutely have to--as long as there is food on the table, health care, and a safe home (and maybe an emergency fund for uncertain times), then retirement can be saved at a more leisurely pace, and it does no good to work so much to send kids to college if you've been an absent parent their whole life, so tell him this, too.

NOW, if he works b/c that is all he enjoys, you two need to find some hobbies--individually AND one that you share. YOU need to find friends/groups to hang with so you aren't unhappy alone. Do you work? If not, get a job and reduce some of the financial burden on him, plus you'll make friends and feel better, having a routine.


----------

