# What should I do?



## goodmom72 (Jul 20, 2011)

Last week I reached out to my H in an attempt to reconcile and it did not go well. We have decided to end our marriage. 

In the 3 yrs of our marriage I have walked out on him thrice - two off which were after my son was born. The first time I walked out on him, he neither made attempts to reach out to our son nor did he talk with me about how our son was doing. When I pointed out this lack of interest, he just said that he kind of had a feeling that I was using my son as a bait to get my way and that he would never give in. This was not true. I walked out on him because he was unhelpful with the baby and was unable to handle my post-preg anger/frustration. I never intended to use our son as a bait to get what I wanted. Nevertheless, I could never erase his statement from my head. 

I walked out on him for the last time early this year. Several reasons - increased suspicion, STINGY and selfish, wanting to control me and my income, not bonding with our son, calling him a mere plaything, treating him as if her were a mere expense and the list goes on. As before, he has not made attempts to reach out to my son nor enquire about his well-being. We have hardly spoken with each other since I walked out on him. A few mails were exchanged between him, his father and me and the contents were pretty aggressive. He even mentioned that he was really happy and worry-free without me and our son. 

Last week when we attempted to reconcile, he mentioned that I have been selfish and have not offered to share my son with him. After his remark the first-time around, i have kept our son away from him lest he feel I am baiting him. I was pretty upset on reading this line in his mail.Should I have offered to bring our son to a park or a mall for them to meet - despite knowing that he was happy without us? Did I do wrong? He hardly ever tried to bond with our son since his birth [now he is 16 months]. And has always considered my son to be no more than a pinch in his pocket. The times when I have forcefully left my son with him he would teach him not to share because the bad world outside will take him for a ride or teach him to watch TV. He would not make attempts to amuse my son or play with him so I could get my chores done instead, he would hand him back to me with the lamest excuse "He is refusing to stay with me". 

We are heading for divorce and am really really confused and worried about visitation. Should I deny him his visitation rights? What are the consequences of allowing or denying visitation rights? Were I to allow him to visit my son, I am really terrified that he would teach my son inappropriate things or manipulate him to believe that the faults completely lie with me [He is an ace at that - I am his best subject btw. Thankfully no longer].


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I don't believe you should limit visitation.

However you should tell him he is welcome to contact you to make times and places for visitation. It is no good if you are the one organising everything, and just shows how little he cares. 

Also I would not allow overnight visitation while he is so young and your husband has a history of not caring for him properly.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

You say he hasn't bonded with his son. He didn't care enough to ask about son when you two were separated, and he was happy and worry-free without you two around.

I hate to tell you, but your ex will not attempt to see his son. He has made no effort when son lived with him. He sure isn't going to make an effort when son lives elsewhere. He doesn't want to be a dad. You will be a single mom. Make sure you have it set up to get child support from him.


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## goodmom72 (Jul 20, 2011)

@4sure
You are damn right!!!

I just heard back from him regarding how we should handle each aspect of separation. I quote that bas***d below. 

"Custody - you keep our son. I wont contest
Visitation - I do not want to visit our son for my own reasons
Fianancial Support - I dont know the laws when both partners are earning. You tell me what you want, if possible, I'll agree, else, I'll say I cannot afford it and lets go by prevailing laws, which based on my research so far is decided by the judge. Or we can ask the lawyer when we meet him."

I am planning to ask him for a single settlement since our son is as much his responsibility as mine. And since he is a miserly rat, I am not going to let go of child support even if I dont really have a requirement for it. I so loathe him and cant believe I spent 3 yrs with a stinking rat.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, doesn't sound like a great catch. He'll keep you...and his son...as long as you don't make life hard on him.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Don't be surprised if he tries to say the boy isn't his, and wants a paternity test. He will try whatever he can to get out of paying the child support.

You may want to talk to an attorney to find out what you are entitled to.


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## goodmom72 (Jul 20, 2011)

I wouldn't be surprised either, after all his wonderful suspicions about me having sex with my uncles, grocery store/ furniture store owners and who ever else!!

Sometimes i wonder if i'd get a better deal if I contest for a divorce rather than filing for a joint petition.


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