# Wife says to go get a girlfriend?



## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Ok, might be a long background story, but hang with me for a minute.

My wife and I got married "young" (20 and 21) and we come from a religious background and were both virgins until our wedding night.

To be honest the first 5-7 years the sex life was ok, but not great. Between 'gag reflexes' (aka hardly any oral) and frequency of sex all around it wasn't that great (plus by the time we were married 5 years we had our 3rd son).

Then, around 4 or 5 years ago, right when my wife is getting to her late 20s she starts to really hit her 'prime' and we go from somewhat boring to AMAZING in both frequency and kinky stuff.

Now, about a year ago, in a span of about 2 months, we kind of had a 'foursome' with our best friends (married couple). I say kind of because we had some fun with each other's spouses (mostly naked making out and touching). Then, we had a kind of 3 some with my wife's other friend who is a lesbian (lot of girl on girl and me having sex with my wife, nothing with me and the other girl).

Now, my wife has been suggesting for awhile that I could get a GF if I wanted. I have figured out it is mostly because she feels guilty that she got a small sort of emotional attachment to her lesbian friend from our threesome.

At first I thought she was absolutely joking, but since I have realized she is kind of serious. She has said that she wouldn't mind at all if I had sex with her best friend (the friend we had the foursome with) and later said that she wouldn't want my girlfriend to be a one night stand, that it would need to be a relationship because "she knows I'm not that kind of guy to hurt a girl like that".

Now, to this day I have never had intercourse/penetration with anyone else in my life other than my wife. 

Now, even with all the 'fun' we've had I can honestly say we have an absolutely wonderful marriage, our honesty and candid talks about what we want and who we find sexy is far more honest than it ever has been. There is nothing I want to ever do to hurt our marriage, I love her that much. I have told her that is why I haven't even really 'tried' to do what she has told me to do (get a GF).

Now, to add to all this, our families (and us too) are very religious and no one knows (other than the few we had fun with) about any of this so even the GF would have to be kept a secret from all of our family/friends.

To me it just seems too complicated unless it was with the one friend of my wife's that we have already had 'fun' with. The problem there is her husband is my best friend too...

I just need some outside perspective...sex with my wife is great, but having never been with anyone else, I definitely would love to try it.


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## HereWithoutYou (Jul 26, 2012)

Don't do it. Just because she's saying it doesn't mean she means it.

I have a feeling if you actually slept with her best friend she would NOT end up being okay with it. I think she's telling you to do it to try and clear her conscience.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your wife might be a lesbain or at least bi and leaning to lesbian!

maybe
shes banging to lady behind your back and feels guilty so shes giving you a hall pass to do what you want.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Your wife is having an affair... either with the husband of the couple you had the foursome with or the lesbian GF. 

She wants to have an open relationship. She wants you to have a girlfriend so she can justify her affair. Check her e-mails, phone call logs and texts. Betcha you'll find she's got a guy/gal on the side. 

Having the group sex stuff let the genie out of the bottle friend. Good luck stuffing him back in.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Your wife is having an affair... either with the husband of the couple you had the foursome with or the lesbian GF.
> 
> She wants to have an open relationship. She wants you to have a girlfriend so she can justify her affair. Check her e-mails, phone call logs and texts. Betch you'll find she's got a guy/gal on the side.
> 
> Having the group sex stuff let the genie out of the bottle friend. Good luck stuffing him back in.


This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Especially the part about the other man she's already been with. I strongly suspect that she is their regular 3some partner already. She's trying to open up the relationship so that she doesn't feel guilty.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

Just checked her phone, both the phone and online list of texts/calls to/from numbers.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

I know she has an emotional connection with her lesbian friend, I believe that is what is making her feel guilty enough to tell me its 'ok' to have a GF.

I am 99% sure nothing is happening between her and the guy friend we had a foursome with, probably only 70% sure that nothing has happened between her and her lesbian friend outside of those nights.


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> This is EXACTLY what I was thinking. Especially the part about the other man she's already been with. I strongly suspect that she is their regular 3some partner already. She's trying to open up the relationship so that she doesn't feel guilty.


The friends live too far away for her to be their 3some partner. Plus, trust me, the wife of the couple wants me pretty bad (has told me this) alone. So if there was a 3some going on involving her husband and my wife, she should be all over telling me to get me to do her alone.

Like I said, if anything I would suspect something with the lesbian friend, not the married couple set of friends.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

well honestly if you want advice for making a poly relationship work this isn't the right website. It's very possible that she's starting to "detach" emotionally from you and moving emotionally toward her lesbian friend. I guess how you react all depends on how you see your marriage going forward, if at all. But I do think you need to think 3 or 4 moves ahead....not just forward to Saturday night with your unit.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

revitalizedhusband said:


> The friends live too far away for her to be their 3some partner. Plus, trust me, the wife of the couple wants me pretty bad (has told me this) alone. So if there was a 3some going on involving her husband and my wife, she should be all over telling me to get me to do her alone.
> 
> Like I said, if anything I would suspect something with the lesbian friend, not the married couple set of friends.


It's naive of you to think this man's wife says these things with no ulterior motives or without the full knowledge of her husband. Her husband may even be getting her to say these things to you to make your wife more available to him. The same way your wife is saying things to you so that she is more free to do what she wants. 

Very good chance you're being manipulated in all of this. Pretty easily manipulated I might add.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I just need some outside perspective...sex with my wife is great, but having never been with anyone else, I definitely would love to try it.


It will be exciting to try it. You will probably be sexually charged just thinking about it and the physical sex and excitement maybe very elevated for several times doing it.

Then you will pay the price and you will start another thread but it will be different. You will be all emotional and stressed out and cry about how you love you wife so much and hate that you got sucked into one of the oldest and most damaging temptations, Yada, yada, yada


As for your wife, well the other responses got it down pretty good especially bandit. I would not be surprised if your wife has already replaced you with some one else for her sexual excitement.

If you do not belive me or the rest of the reposnses and you do it then we will just wait for your next thread in a few weeks or months. We will be hearing the poor me sob story that we have read so often.


The damage will almost be impossible to repair


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

(in the future, knowing what I know now, if I marry) If my W told me to get a GF (and she meant it) I would serve her a divorce instead. But that's just me, no point in an open marriage if you have to get your sexual needs outside of it.


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## bribrius (Jun 29, 2012)

wow. just wow.
i dont even know what to say. i would never let anyone near my wife or lead her in any direction even close to this. i would probably kill anyone that touched her. Nor would i do that type of thing because it would be leading her that direction. wow........

Im not sure even how that marriage exists...


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Horses for courses!

Revitalized - all the responses on here are valid, but there ARE open marriages that DO work and ARE good. 

Maybe your wife is trying to justify her own actions by encouraging you to have a GF...She loves you, wants you etc but is also enjoying a bit of the 'forbidden' fruit and wants you to enjoy it too....I dunno.

Its your marriage....if you think (and think hard about it) an open marriage is right for you guys then go ahead...enjoy and be happy.

Just go in with your eyes wide open. 

Most 'open' marriages don't work out long term...but some do.

Just as some affairs make the marriage stronger....


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

As others have said, you're playing with fire.

Best case scenario is that your wife keeps her emotional attraction to her girlfriend to a manageable level and your sex with this woman doesn't create any significant emotional attraction for either of you. So, you get a bit of fun from it. They live too far away for it to be a regular thing, so it's a minor plus for your marriage.

Worst case scenario is that either you or your wife become very attached to the other woman. Since you're both already cheating on each other, it will be easy to rationalize cheating more, or just ending your marriage. So, it's devastating to your family. At that point, the secret will most likely come out. So your family, friends, and church knows that your marriage ended because you were swinging.

That's why I think polygamy, open marriage, swinging, etc. should be avoided. In the best case scenario, it only adds a little to your relationship. In the worst case scenario, you blow up your family and embarrass yourself for a few awesome orgasms.

Good luck.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

have fun getting it back into the tube


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

SeaMaiden said:


> ...Her saying that you should get a girlfriend instead of just have a one night stand with some girl says alot about what she is thinking for herself. She's got the wedge in between you already and is just waiting for you to help her pound it in deeper.


Actually she wants her BF to do the pounding... What it says to me when one spouse wants to have a mutually open marriage where both are having emotional and physical needs met by others, is that she thinks you are good room-mate material, and doesn't want to lose your share of the living expenses, but she never wants to be naked with you again.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

revitalizedhusband said:


> Just checked her phone, both the phone and online list of texts/calls to/from numbers.
> 
> Nothing out of the ordinary.
> 
> ...


I was 100 percent sure my honest sincere husband would never have an affair. 

I only found out through anonymous letters and photos. 

Otherwise I would have had no proof. 

Your wife is trying to alleviate her guilt by allowing you to have an affair to justify her own.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Lon said:


> (in the future, knowing what I know now, if I marry) If my W told me to get a GF (and she meant it) I would serve her a divorce instead. But that's just me, no point in an open marriage if you have to get your sexual needs outside of it.


Amen


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

OP, there was a thread in this forum about a couple who had a swinger experience, they regretted it. You open too many new doors of emotions and experiences outside of the exclusive love between one man and one woman, body and mind. You decided to pervert your marriage with this foursome (and yes some may disagree but these things do NOT help marriage, it degrades) and instead of protecting your wife you've exploited her. I hope you dont end up posting in the "coping with infidelity" section of this forum to find out it was not a female she was cheating on you with, and there is a recent thread over on that topic. Work hard in rebuilding.


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## J.R.Jefferis (Jun 27, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Your wife is having an affair... either with the husband of the couple you had the foursome with or the lesbian GF.
> 
> She wants to have an open relationship. She wants you to have a girlfriend so she can justify her affair. Check her e-mails, phone call logs and texts. Betcha you'll find she's got a guy/gal on the side.
> 
> Having the group sex stuff let the genie out of the bottle friend. Good luck stuffing him back in.


I am afraid I have to agree with this post. No woman in her right mind would actually suggest to her husband that he go find a girlfriend. She is up to something and needs you to do the same to clear her conscience. The "lesbian theory" seems plausible, though I think she is straight up cheating with another man.

This is a big, huge, enormous red flag. Sorry my friend. Do keep us posted though.

JR


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I agree with some of the other posters. I would be worried. Something is going on, or she wants something to happen. That's why she want to to get a girlfriend. I mean, think about it. What wife WANTS their husband to get a girlfriend? Does she think that lowly of you that she doesn't mind sharing you with others?

I have a feeling something happened and she see you sleeping with someone else to ease her own guilt.


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## MWD (Jul 16, 2012)

This goes inline with if my wife told me we were to appear on Jerry Springer. Would be a huge sign that something is wrong and it isn't worth showing up for. 

-MWD


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Your wife likely wants you to get a girlfriend so she can:

A. Screw her too eventually.

B. Have an excuse to get her own girlfriend/boyfriend.

C. Is already screwing someone behind your back.

D. All of the above.

If you're perfectly fine with the above, good luck.

If not, nip this in the bud now, or have a serious conversation with your wife about where her supposedly new found sexual awakening is leading to.


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## cindy lou (Apr 20, 2017)

Let me tell you a story that will sound familiar. I know a man. (Dave) who was married to a woman who was ok in bed until she hit menopause. Then she went crazy over sex. They did a threesome with her and Dave and another man. Neither man could perform because of the situation. Then the other guy calls and wants to have sex with her one on one. She tells Dave she wants to see him and he doesn't satisfy him anymore. So he say. She starts bringing this guy to her and Dave's him and is really rubbing it in his face.
All along she is telling Dave to get a g/f. he doesn't and time go's by. She doesn't behave much like a wife anymore and her b/f keeps coming over. Then finally Dave mets someone. And he starts spending time with her. Wifey has a hissy fit when it gets too serious. then Dave leave and she tells everyone how he lift her for another woman. She leaves out having a b/f for 4 years before that happened. It was a very ugly situation. So if you play with fire you'll get burned. This being said. let me add. What the hell is wrong with you. you say you love your wife and then you say you want to have sex with other women and it's ok for her to have sex with other people. Really?? Is that what you think love is. No, that is not love. That's just a habit.If you really loved her and she loved you neither of you would be doing the stuff your doing.


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