# I belong here.



## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

It's been 2 months since our separation and things are OK. 

I've never spoken a word to him for 4 weeks and that was though text. I've still got some bits and pieces there that I need to give him because I don't want them, wall pics and stuff that I paid for but none the less, were given to him.

Just got a beautiful tattoo which covered his name and I love it. Note to myself, no more names except for family, lol.

I made so many bad choices for myself but I'll just have to take them forward and learn not to make the same mistakes. 

I have been looking for a new flat but everything is so expensive here, I'm just getting by now. I thought there was an opportunity for me but it fell through. That's OK because I love the job I have right now. It is also emotionally draining and know there will be tough times ahead too. I will deal with that when the times come.

The past few days I've been coming home to an empty home. My daughter, her partner and baby went on holiday, youngest 17 YO and it's the first time I've ever been truly alone in my life. No1 in my house to talk to for a week. Feels very strange just cat and me. The emptiness is deafening. Not used to spending so much time on my own. 

Anyway, I keep telling myself I'm doing OK and I am. Still feeling a little lost but know things will get better.....

CK








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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It will get far better as time unfolds, M'dear! You'll be fine ~ just stay away from the alcohol!*


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

You are not doing OK, you are doing great! The progress you are making is good and it will only get better. Just trying to think what you can do when you truly have time to yourself. This was a major issue for me a few months back but I'm starting to find my groove on what to utilize the time for. 

I'm not a huge TV person, aside from sports and using it for background noise and movies with the kids but there was a couple of weekends ago, I had worked out for two hours, did landscaping, cut the grass for 2 hours, came inside, washed the floors, did laundry and when I looked at the click it was 3:30PM lol. I bit the bullet and fired up stuff I have been paying for the whole time and figured I might as well see what it was about, Amazon Prime, etc. I did find some movies that I watched that were enjoyable and made the time go by.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You are doing awesome! As scary as it is getting out on your own, the independence is invigorating!


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

I remember the lonely feeling, it takes some time to get used to the change and to find a new normal.


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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

TY4TR. 

My baby came home last night and really excited. She now has the travelling bug and is already talking about nxt summer, lol. She's already had invites from friends. My baby is spreading her wings. She knows what she wants at such a young age. And she's being very sensible about it. 

It's all happening so fast. My eldest girls is moving out at end of the month so her, the baby and her bf. My middle daughter just left and now it's myself and 17 YO, who is never in.

I feel so teary tonight. Everything has happened at once, I wasn't prepared for this. I feel so lonely and sad. I loved that guy so much. I so wanted him to be the 1. I just wish I could find someone that wasn't tempted by others, not even sure it's possible. I may never trust anyone blindly ever again. 

The silence is deafening. 

CK



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## Uselessmale (May 20, 2017)

I’m in the same shape, no one around but it’s better than going back to where I was. You are tougher than you think. Hang in there.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Never blindly trust anyone. That's just asking for trouble. 

I know this is tough. Time is the only way to heal but it sometimes seems to pass very slowly. Focus on where you want to be in a year and have a plan to make that happen.


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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

I wish I could just up-sticks and leave. But I am struggling to find another place to stay for a price I can afford.

Just a small 2 bedroom place would be ideal for my 17yo and I. It's a 10 year waiting list for a house at the local council. I think it's time to learn how to drive, even though it scares the hell out of me. That way I could move a little bit out from town and rent is cheaper by far. 

Going to try staying in on my own all day today. Will just laze around the house doing nothing, lol. 1 of the advantages of no1 being here is that it stays tidy so I can laze around. In fact, I will play God Of War, I've not played it for a few months. 

My flat feels so much airier and spacious. I threw out some old furniture, got my carpets cleaned and gave a good clean up so it's nice and cosy. Going to throw more things away that I don't need. There's no way I can take it all with me when I do get somewhere. 

Anyways, time for "GOW"! lol.

CK


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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

I've got to admit, I am finding this really hard. 

I have been so tempted to call him to talk to him. I haven't but I have felt very close to it. 

I just wish they all didn't move out at around the same time. I feel so lost without them all and struggling with my new found freedom.

FML. 

CK

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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

I know hearing it isn't the same, but most of us that have gone through divorce have lived with the empty house for a bit and had to struggle to figure out what to do. But a year or two down the road and you'll find that your life is so full that you wish you had some alone time. Try to exercise for 30-60 min every day, because the endorphins are great at elevating your mood and it will help you sleep better. Then, if you have facebook, go to the events tab and look for local activities to go to and find something a couple times a week so that you aren't staying at home bored dwelling on what could have been. I know everyone has their own timeline but it might help knowing what it was like for others...for me it took about 9 months after separation for me to feel neutral with how my life was turning out but by two years I was back to my happy self.


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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

Thank you BP, I appreciate your feedback. 

It's just I've never been this alone b4, ever.

I'm finding myself thinking about him more and more. I hate being on my own like this. No1 to spend spare time with, no1 to text and say all the I love u. 

We nearly made counselling but at the time, I thought I was dead set on leaving him. Now I'm on my own and feeling like I have no1.

I miss his smell, I miss the laughs we had when I felt happy at times, I just plain miss him. It's just a damn shame that his work came b4 me and always has.

Now I'm struggling to keep my head above water. I can't find another place because it's so expensive here. The local council has a 10 year waiting list, it's unbelievable.

I just can't stop thinking about him. 

CK

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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

CaringKind said:


> Thank you BP, I appreciate your feedback.
> 
> It's just I've never been this alone b4, ever.
> 
> ...


Keep in mind, he is an ass. It is much better to be alone than in the company of an ass. He is a worthless cheater. For some reason, when our dysfunctional, unhappy relationship ends, our mind constantly comes back to the good stuff. Well, if the good stuff was really good enough, then we would still be with them. It wasn't, so we aren't. Focus on WHY you are where you are, maybe write down all those horrible things that made you get to where you're at, and keep that list in a place you can look at it frequently. If you reach out, then you have to start this whole process all over again, and maybe again... because he hasn't changed, it wont magically go back to those elusive good times. 

Hang in there CK, it really does get better. Stay the course.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Time helps. It's really the only thing that does. Don't give in even once because that resets the clock and then you have to start all over again. 

I never lived by myself until much later in my life. At first it was odd but I adjusted. You will too.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

My Mom started over in her 50's. Never lived alone, never supported herself alone. She had the same fears and worries you did. Almost 20 years later she will tell you this had been the greatest time in her life. Don't assume it's not going to be as good as what you had before. I would be willing to bet what you had wasn't so great you just didn't know any better. And even if it was, doesn't mean you can't have another kind of great. 

Just be brave and go get your happiness.


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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

U thought I was getting better but today I am dying inside.

I tried to text him to ask him to talk to me and he's blocked me again. 

All I can do is cry. I wish the pain would go away.

I can't live without him. :,(

ck

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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

I can't figure out how to edit. The U in last post was supposed to be an I.

But a great thing has just happened to me. 

My big brother is letting me move into his spare room. 

I can't believe how sad I was earlier but now I am so relieved. I love that guy so much, he's been my saviour more than once and U am forever grateful.

I have asked youngest to ask her dad to help her get somewhere from his family. 

I feel like this dark cloud has lifted from above my head. 

I'm going to be alright. 

CK

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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

So, I have to confess that I reached out to him last Saturday. I told him I wanted him and needed him and he was delighted just as I was. 

He came up on Monday and we slept together almost straight away. We went out and I drank 6 half lagers and he pints (I've had nothing since and have no intention drinking anytime soon). He also told me he had started a relationship 2 weeks ago with the woman in his work and finished it with her and she said that she hoped that it did not effect their friendship. He told me that he was friends with her b4. The penny did not drop. We came home, slept together again he left to go to work in the morning. Next morning I was texting my friend telling her how it went and when describing the 2 week relationship, the penny fell. I didn't send the text to friend, she would've spotted it straight away. I asked him straight away if this is the same thing that happened b4 and he said "no no, not after the last time CaringKind" and stupid me believed him, like I always do. I don't even think he sees it as an emotional affair, all he sees is they were "just friends". And as I am typing here, the more this is all making sence. 

She started near 5 years ago, that's when it's went downhill for us. That's when I noticed how far apart we were. He's been falling in love with someone else again and he didn't even know it. 

Just Wow!!!!

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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

CaringKind said:


> TY4TR.
> 
> My baby came home last night and really excited. She now has the travelling bug and is already talking about nxt summer, lol. She's already had invites from friends. My baby is spreading her wings. She knows what she wants at such a young age. And she's being very sensible about it.
> 
> ...


First of all find something to do even in the silence, don't just sit there in silence. I suggest working out, it is your bodies natural way to build endorphins plus it give you daily successes and accomplishments to feel good about. Also you get a reward when you look in the mirror.

As for your other paragraph. 

You are never going to find someone who is is not tempted by others. That is the normal human condition. What you need is someone who is mature enough, who has enough character to not cheat on you just because the temptation is there. 

We are out there, you just need to refine your picker. There is a good post on the board about this right now.

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/428873-avoiding-identifying-infidelity.html


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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

I met a guy the other day. He's 55 so 9 years older. He's been upfront and told me that he is not looking for anything serious and just wants some fun, which suits me right now. It's given me something/someone else to think about. He makes me laugh and that's exactly what I need right now. 

I'm giving up my house at the end of the month. I'm leaving most of my stuff here, I don't want it. I want a fresh start with new things. I'll be able to save some £ and I'll have company. My youngest is moving into my friends daughter's and she will be ok as they love my kids like their own. 

I'm glad I now know what has been going on so I can stop blaming myself for this mess. I'm am never contacting him again. I'm done being hurt by him. I have stayed loyal and loved him with all my heart but I know it's time for me to move on and make a new and even better life for myself. I outed him on FB and it made me feel a lot better and I am glad I did it. I got so many messages of support and I know I have lots of good friends who really care about me.

I've got a great friend from work who I clicked with straight away. She is good fun and makes me laugh. I know I am going to be OK and beginning to look forward to this new chapter in my life.

I have cut down my drinking too. I have managed to stay off wine, which has been a big part of my life for so long. I have 2 weeks holiday starting today but I'm doing some over time so I'll still be kept busy.

Time to live for me now.

CaringKind. 

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## changingmale (Aug 19, 2018)

I know and understand what you mean about being alone. I went from having 4 or 5 other people leaving with me(wife,our 3 kids and her daughter some in college). Now i am all alone and the weekends are the worse. It drives me crazy. I am not looking forward to rainy,colder and bad weather days. Good luck to you Caring kind and any others going though this


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

CaringKind said:


> Feels very strange just cat and me.
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk


Cats are great little furry buddies.


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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Cats are great little furry buddies.


He is the descendant from my cat b4 him. He's a great little fella. Loves to be clapped and when I am sad or crying he always comes over to me. 

I am feeling quite good today and looking forward to my new life. I am so grateful 2 have my job, it's been my saviour and I know that I would've been in an awful state without it. It's given me the path that I needed to keep me sane. I'm trying to get my appetite back, I've lost so much weight and look so skinny but I am very small though so it could be worse.

I'm so looking forward to leaving this house. I am taking so little with me, I don't want anything that reminds me of the twat. I destroyed a large canvas of my wedding day today and it felt very theraputic. 

Time for work. 

CK

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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

CaringKind said:


> He is the descendant from my cat b4 him. He's a great little fella. Loves to be clapped and when I am sad or crying he always comes over to me.
> 
> I am feeling quite good today and looking forward to my new life. I am so grateful 2 have my job, it's been my saviour and I know that I would've been in an awful state without it. It's given me the path that I needed to keep me sane. I'm trying to get my appetite back, I've lost so much weight and look so skinny but I am very small though so it could be worse.
> 
> ...



Aren't they great little "therapists" 


Work is a well known solace for emotional problems. I'm glad to hear you have meaningful work.


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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Aren't they great little "therapists"
> 
> 
> Work is a well known solace for emotional problems. I'm glad to hear you have meaningful work.


My work is everything to me, I love it. I get a great deal of satisfaction for it. Crazy hours with mostly split shifts but the satisfaction is immense. 

I am not going to miss being in that house and will be glad to see the back of it. Damned place is like a ghost town and u can hear a pin drop. The silence absolutely kills me as it used to be teaming with life.

I had hit an all time low a few days ago when I found out about his affair. I cried and cried until I couldn't cry anymore. But I am glad to know, it has made it easier to move ahead and go with my plan.

Today, I've had a smile on my face and even managed a wee joke with my colleagues. Life is getting better for me already.

Back to work for me. 

CK

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## CaringKind (Jan 12, 2016)

So I'm moving into my brothers house on Saturday and it's been a roller coaster. Between feeling sad, angry and and then some days feeling really positive and happy. 

Got most of my stuff that I'm taking organised. I gave enough clothes to the charity shop to hold a jumble sale. I'm a clothes and trainer hoarder, not to the point that it all over my house but because I find it really difficult to throw them away. Some I haven't used in years so just did it. The more I throw away the more free I'll feel.

I know this is me moving forward but also feels like I'm reverting back by not having my own home. I've had keys to my own house for 30 years and now none. The good thing though is I'll have company. I know there I am loved unconditionally and I will feel safe and wanted. It's giving me a chance to save up too which is something that I can't do in here. They are also good influences as alcohol is not a priority in their house and SI is tt and can't be bothered with it. 

I feel like I have a bit of my appetite back and trying to get a bit more weight back on. I'm so slim that people stare at me in the street and it's hurtful seeing the disgust on their faces. Some people are so judgemental, looking at me like I want to be this way. It just isn't fare. 

So I've still been chatting to this man who is 10 years older and he's a nice guy. I don't feel that it will go anywhere other than help me through this tough time. He knows exactly what I am going through as he is 1.5 years out of his LTR (She cheated also). So just I'm just taking it easy. 

I have also been diagnosed with a skin condition on my face which is knocking at my confidence. It looks terrible and although I shouldn't wear make-up I'm so embarrassed to go out without it. 

Oh well, less than 2 days before the end of an era. 

CaringKind

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