# I know it's not,but my situation feels the worst



## Tryingtolookup (Oct 26, 2010)

My wife cheated on me. I work from home. Business is slow. She doesnt make enough to afford the house. Nor do I. I was in the process of finding employment at the time I caught her cheating. I was at the end of a 8 month hiring process and as soon as the news came that I didnt get it she claims the cheating started. She was apologetic,broke it off,but has been caught contacting 6 or 7 times in the last 4 weeks. Its pure torture. We're in a new part of the country and I dont have many friends here. 

So we're stuck here while she cheats. Because I worked out of the house I didnt have a vehicle that's trustworthy for a daily commuter (Its a hot rod). I also have an old beater car that's on it's last legs. So at the moment Im selling my hobby car (pride and joy) for half it's value in order to buy something reliable. 

Its hard for me to feel better knowing what she's on her way to do. Constant fanciful tales of why it takes 6 hours to go to lunch with someone,etc.

To make matters worse,it's constantly "I love you" "You're the best thing that ever happened to me" "We'll always be together" or "If not now,someday we will be back together."also... "We were meant to be"

This isnt about what I should or shouldnt do. Its about survival. I feel horrible. Whenever I avoid her she takes it out on me by showing me how she cares about me even less. I love her dearly and we've been married for 10 years after dating for 4. I treated her like she was royalty. I learned to love from her. Now Im devastated and after drinking from the well of love Its the best thing that's ever happened to me. I now fear that I'll ever trust again. Im completely lost. 

She's not living in reality,doesnt see anything wrong with what she's doing other than the "Im sorry" here and there. I believe it's either a personality disorder or mid-life crisis. The reasoning she uses that precipitated this change all the time now she just takes the blame but takes it in stride honestly. She admits she's got a severe mental issue,but other than drugs and alcohol has done nothing to heal herself in spite of my begging.

Edit: Im sorry if I wasnt clear. Im taking steps to get out of this issue. I just want to know how other people make it through this mentally intact.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

The worst or not it is pretty bad. I am sorry for your pain. Being cheated on is awful and your bad financial position makes it worse. 

In your position I would take steps, if possible, to rectify my financial position, I would start to develop a life outside of my relationship, so that the prospect of being alone doesn't seem so daunting and I would issue her with an ultimatum that if she continued I would leave.

Nothing will change if you don't make change happen.


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## Tryingtolookup (Oct 26, 2010)

Thank you. Im selling my vehicle to have something reliable to get a job with. Ive been going to church and attending a support group. Spending more time with new friends. This is the hardest thing Ive ever been through. I still find myself saying to myself that I cant believe she's doing this. I cant believe Ive been with this person so long and was wrong when I thought she'd never do this.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Atleast you see the light and you are moving forward. One day it will hit her about the mistake she is making, but by then it will be too late and you'll be gone. I hope you aren't even sleeping in the same bed with her anymore.


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## bestplayer (Jan 23, 2010)

Tryingtolookup said:


> Thank you. Im selling my vehicle to have something reliable to get a job with. Ive been going to church and attending a support group. Spending more time with new friends. This is the hardest thing Ive ever been through. I still find myself saying to myself that I cant believe she's doing this. I cant believe Ive been with this person so long and was wrong when I thought she'd never do this.


My friend she is simply destroying you mentally by her actions. she is fully aware , how much hurt she is causing you , yet she doesn't care . The only way for you to save yourself is get out of this situation as soon as possible . she would never have any respect for you if you continue to be with her while she is openly cheating on you . 

Best of luck


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## Tryingtolookup (Oct 26, 2010)

Rob774 said:


> Atleast you see the light and you are moving forward. One day it will hit her about the mistake she is making, but by then it will be too late and you'll be gone. I hope you aren't even sleeping in the same bed with her anymore.


You're right. She knows Im going to divorce and has said that she will eventually get mentally healthy again and we will be back together because we are soulmates. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I relisted my car for auction and its at about half of what I paid for it 2 years ago.


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## Tryingtolookup (Oct 26, 2010)

bestplayer said:


> My friend she is simply destroying you mentally by her actions. she is fully aware , how much hurt she is causing you , yet she doesn't care . The only way for you to save yourself is get out of this situation as soon as possible . she would never have any respect for you if you continue to be with her while she is openly cheating on you .
> 
> Best of luck


Thank you,and you're right. I spend as much time as possible away from her. Its not easy though.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Your wife has romanticized her cheating as just some kind of unavoidable speedbump so that;'s ok because some day you'll be back together as soul mates?

Please don't choke on that if you swallow that BS.

You are doing the right thing by divorcing her.

Keep at it.


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## Tryingtolookup (Oct 26, 2010)

michzz said:


> Your wife has romanticized her cheating as just some kind of unavoidable speedbump so that;'s ok because some day you'll be back together as soul mates?
> 
> Please don't choke on that if you swallow that BS.
> 
> ...


There's something wrong with her. Ive pleaded with her to get help and she ignored me before it came to this. She blamed me for everything and now freely,casually accepts the blame. I know that Im suffering now and she will suffer later. I will be healthy and she will be a shell of her former self. She's decided to throw away over a decade for a few months of recklessness.

Edit: No,I dont believe anything any more.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Trying,
The church thing, support group and new friends will help, but STOP BEGGING. You will feel a little better by showing her, your self ,and others that you are confident, strong and positive. Even though thats not how you feel, please at least pretend, especilly in front of her. She may start second quessing her dicisions.

Right now, talking to her about her behavior wont work, so distance your self from that topic the next time you see/talk with her. Do not bring it up, If she does, simply and calmly tell her you love her but until she stops all contact with OM you do not want to discuss it. Do not say another word about it.

Start excecising, that will be the biggest boost for you right now. This will help in strenghtening our selfesteem and it will make you look better to her, you, and to others. The healther you get the better off you will navigate throught this BS. The second thing is start reading up on affairs there are alot of books that will help you get through.
Good luck


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## rjd1488 (Apr 1, 2013)

i can totally relate to what your saying
when we dated we did everything and never fought
i never put her down and complimented her all the time
and she screwed around twice in one year 
like an idiot you believe her when she says your the one she wants
then theres the bull**** it isnt you its me
we married and it lasted 20 yrs but i know she screwed around at least 10 of them but you turn a blind eye when theres kids involved
even though i did all the running from day care and school made suppers did laundry and would fold her clothes and put them on the bed and shed throw them on the floor and say she was too tired to put them away!!!did dishes worked a full time job and when i told her she needed to help more she said that it was my job to do those things??????
even though she was never there how many times does the guy get screwed?which is why i looked the other way
and she was the one who filed because she said i was to demanding and hard to live with go figure
you just cant understand how a person can cheat and look there mate in the eyes like theyve done nothing wrong
i couldnt do it
i did end up with kids but divorced in 99 and after i thought i did everything a woman would want and that wasnt good enough 
makes you wanna jump right in there
im so worried ill end up with another like her id rather be alone than that so i joined a couple swinger sites cause i dont want a commitment issue just have fun
its amazing how the trust issue can make or break a person
so its one day at a time 
if i had it to do over id of blew outta there a long time ago after we dated but the only kicker is my oldest just finshed 4 yrs of school to be a police officer my daughter graduated college then the air force and then graduated law school and my youngest is in his 3rd yr of the air force and they cant stand her but yet she takes credit for there accomplishments
self centered big time
and the thought of them keeps me sorta strong but not trusting
so i guess i had to suffer for them to accomplish goals
but anyway i know your pain and the long road you have ahead


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Attack of the zombies
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Tryingtolookup said:


> There's something wrong with her. Ive pleaded with her to get help and she ignored me before it came to this. She blamed me for everything and now freely,casually accepts the blame. I know that Im suffering now and she will suffer later. I will be healthy and she will be a shell of her former self. She's decided to throw away over a decade for a few months of recklessness.
> 
> Edit: No,I dont believe anything any more.


Is your wife Bipolar....is she in a manic phase? It is not uncommon for hypersexuality and permissive behavior during a manic cycle....not an excuse but it is a known symptom. When someone acts completely out of character and they admit they know there is a problem mentally ..... you might want to see if you can get her to a Dr.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)




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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Tryingtolookup said:


> You're right. She knows Im going to divorce and has said that she will eventually get mentally healthy again and we will be back together because we are soulmates. Thank you for the words of encouragement. I relisted my car for auction and its at about half of what I paid for it 2 years ago.


Next time she says that just say soul mates don't have sex outside of marriage. Stop telling her you love her. Stop pleading, stop begging, stop caring in general. Don't kiss her and don't accept kisses from her. Don't talk to her unless you have to and even if you have just tell her if she wants to talk about her feelings just turn around and walk off. Stop worrying about her and get your life together. The more you chase her the more she feels she has control. Right now she's on top of the world. She has you trapped in a corner to be dear old husband, while she goes out and acts like a high school girl and screws around. 
It may sound difficult but it isn't. You yourself realize your wife has stopped caring for you. You admit she is blatantly manipulating you and does not care. In short this is emotional abuse and she enjoys it. Stop playing her game and work on yourself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Your situation is the worst, because it is your situation that you are suffering through.

You treated her like royalty? Well, she's now a little entitled princess.

Sadly, she's losing her kingdom and the king's about to cut her off without a penny.

Stay strong, we'll be here for you.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

This thread is 4 years old, in case no one notices.


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