# Being Dominated



## HappyMrs. (Dec 4, 2013)

Hello all, this is my first post here, my husband and i have been married a little over 5 years. Sex is been a problem off and on in our relationship over the past couple years. I want more passionate sex with some variety, want to feel that connection and comfort level about trying new things. He always seemed fine with the same old same old.

I have tried to talk to him about this in the past, and his responses always left me to believe he was not an adventurous kinda guy. I would say, We are starting to get routine in sex, id really like to change things up a bit, is there anything you would like to try? He would say, we dont always do it the same, we do doggie too. Doggie, is not what i had in mind as changing it up. Ive said Id like him to take control, let me how he wants it. As a man vanilla sex can not be all he desires, and i know it is not all i desire. Every time the topic was brought up, i feel like i got the same response from him. 

Recently, we were having a conversation and it came out that he is in fact into other stuff, and has not always had vanilla sex. When I pushed further, he said he is in to dominating me, he wants to be in control. I dont have a lot of sexual experience in this area, so im curious what all this entails, and how to be submissive. He said he isnt in to the hard core stuff, no whips or special devices. When i looked online, domination all looks pretty extreme. Is there toned down domination?

So im looking for some advise info, for men that are into this or women with husbands that like this sort of this. I am so happy and excited to finally be getting somewhere in our sex life, but this is one category i really have no info on.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

HappyMrs. said:


> When i looked online, domination all looks pretty extreme. Is there toned down domination?


It really is a question for you two and what you both can agree is comfortable. What does domination mean? Almost every couple has practiced some for of bondage, even if just being held down. The toy brand "Sports Sheets" makes a very easy and unassuming strap system that might make it easy for you two to ease into this. If you both like that then go for harder stuff, ropes, gags, etc.

But that is the physical form of domination--basically one of you restrains the other and has their way with it (with prior consent of course). The other form is more emotional where he would tell you what to do or wear. This can be fulfilling also for the wife if she is into being the more submissive role. A toned down version of this would be something like your husband picking out your underwear every day for you. The kink here is you are wearing something because your husband wants you to. You may not want to wear what he picks out but you do want to give him some control over your life. No one else knows then it's safe because it's just the two of you.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

HappyMrs. said:


> Is there toned down domination?


There are no rules. You and your husband are consenting adults. Anything goes. I promise that the sex police will not bust into your bedroom to accuse you of doing something the wrong way.

There is a website, Taken In Hand that is dedicated to husbands leading wives in multiple aspects of marriage. Not just sexual. You might find some introductory ideas there.

Good luck.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

As others have said, it is what you make it, and how you like it.

As far as domination in the bedroom goes, a simple place to start is to have you wear a blindfold.

If you enjoy that you could try being restrained - but be careful what you use to tie you up. Handcuffs are probably the safest, since knots can slip and ropes can tighten unexpectedly.

Other methods of domination might not involve any kind of "equipment" at all, but could involve spanking, or your husband holding you down, or talking dirty to you, or instructing you on what you are to do next.

If you get into any sort of role play where you pretend you are being taken by force, or if you want to try something where you think it could get too rough then make sure you have a safe word. Shouting out "no" or "stop" is no good because that can be part of a role play. Best to have a peculiar word that you would not ever use as part of sex ("grapefruit", for example) and if you say it then he immediately must stop. Some people might have a warning word, typically like traffic lights, where if you say "orange" it means you are beginning to feel uncomfortable and he should tone it down but if you say "red" it means "stop at once".


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

congratulations on getting the open discussion going. Talk about what yall want to do, set boundries, and go for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

My GF likes more subtle acts like a gentle push of her head toward my waist when I want oral or a firm hand on her throat (not choking just firm). I know she'd actually like more agression but I'm not quite there yet.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

The last time we had sex, a couple months ago, I was on top just kissing her. Had my hands in her hair. I grabbed a hand full of hair to pull her head back so I could kiss her neck then started down south. She tried to stop me saying she wanted to kiss later but not if I had gone down on her. I shortened my grip on her hair and pulled her head back to the bed. Told her sternly "do I need to tie you up?" She stopped protesting and I continued my journey which she thoroughly enjoyed. I could tell at that moment she was uncomfortable with me saying those words but enjoyed the results of submitting to me. I wish we could do stuff like that more often. 

My wife is a control freak so there is no way she would enjoy domination (by me anyways). What gets me is the couple times in our 14 years together she has enjoyed it after I asserted myself but before that moment if I were to suggest it she would be mortified.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

committed_guy said:


> The last time we had sex, a couple months ago, I was on top just kissing her. Had my hands in her hair. I grabbed a hand full of hair to pull her head back so I could kiss her neck then started down south. She tried to stop me saying she wanted to kiss later but not if I had gone down on her. I shortened my grip on her hair and pulled her head back to the bed. Told her sternly "do I need to tie you up?" She stopped protesting and I continued my journey which she thoroughly enjoyed. I could tell at that moment she was uncomfortable with me saying those words but enjoyed the results of submitting to me. I wish we could do stuff like that more often.
> 
> My wife is a control freak so there is no way she would enjoy domination (by me anyways). What gets me is the couple times in our 14 years together she has enjoyed it after I asserted myself but before that moment if I were to suggest it she would be mortified.


There's your answer! Your wife is a closet submissive and can't bring herself to admit that she likes a strong assertive lover.

BTW, what you described...totally hot!


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

The area you have to be careful about as to when your wife is in the mood to be dominated. my wife loves when I come on strong and be the dominate one and really push the envelope so to speak. There are other times she wanted to be cherished and enjoyed and made love to softly. We have had this conversation because when she wants to be dominated and I miss read and think its a night to be the soft caring and romantic husband or vise versa its not a good thing. So....

We have a red night light in the toy box. If the night light is plugged in and turned on I know that the mood is for me to take control. No permission is needed I am taking what I want. There are times that I will find the light plugged in before I even leave for work. All day sexting takes place about how she is going to be treated when I get home. Threats of being tied to a bed and blindfolded. 

With the night light lit there is no holding back. I never involve pain other than there are times her rear is left a bit pink from a spanking but I already know she likes her bum spanked. She likes it a little rough or to be tied down to a bed helpless and edged ( which means she has to beg to taken to the big O) even thought she is taken very close to it many times. 

The thing about being Dominate is to have a 100% buy in. TAKE CHARGE. No permissions. Have a good discussion about her wants and desires ahead of time know what is ok to do and what is not ok. make sure you have set safe words like red light. STOP. Yellow like I am not sure about this. No need to have a green light that's what moans are for. LOL

The job of a good Dom is to take complete charge of your Subs pleasure. The thing about pleasure is, it can be a punishment when given and then taken away. 

Good luck I hope I didn't offend anyone. We enjoy the Dom and Sub thing to keep sex on the spicy side.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

There are numerous threads on similar topics if you want to search.

It can range from fairly vanilla domination which involves your man holding your hands above your head and taking you hard with no thought for your pleasure. Although this in itself can be very pleasurable for a woman. And confidently and 'forcefully' moving you around the bed or wherever into the position he wants you in.

Some find it fun if sometimes it is the womans turn to be more dominant, either by using restraints or simply forbidding your partner to move.

At the other end of the spectrum you have the full bondage, whips, clamps etc.


Probably best to start off light and go more 'rough' than the other way round that way you get to a level you are both confident with.

Also remember, especially if you do go fairly kinky to always have a safe word.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

HappyMrs. said:


> Hello all, this is my first post here, my husband and i have been married a little over 5 years. Sex is been a problem off and on in our relationship over the past couple years. I want more passionate sex with some variety, want to feel that connection and comfort level about trying new things. He always seemed fine with the same old same old.
> 
> I have tried to talk to him about this in the past, and his responses always left me to believe he was not an adventurous kinda guy. I would say, We are starting to get routine in sex, id really like to change things up a bit, is there anything you would like to try? He would say, we dont always do it the same, we do doggie too. Doggie, is not what i had in mind as changing it up. Ive said Id like him to take control, let me how he wants it. As a man vanilla sex can not be all he desires, and i know it is not all i desire. Every time the topic was brought up, i feel like i got the same response from him.
> 
> ...


A lot of our sex is same ol same ol, life just gets in the way sometimes.
When we do have time to play we like to use a website like this.

Sex Positions Guide


We both look and choose a position to add to our repertoire for that evening.

There is also another website that allows you to dial in your partners penis size and it recommends positions based on that.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


>



Oh Wysh, where do you get these? That is hysterical!


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Oh Wysh, where do you get these? That is hysterical!


I liked that one too.

I think I got it off photobucket.

I sometimes see something like that and think "One day I'll be able to use that on TAM" and save it to my pics album.

If they are a bit risqué I'll save to my 'nude selfie pics' album and then censor them.

This is another good one I've been waiting to use.

Oh wait, I just have!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

That one could go into soooo many threads!


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

There is also another website that allows you to dial in your partners penis size and it recommends positions based on that.

Need to be a phone app for this one. LOL


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Happyquest said:


> There is also another website that allows you to dial in your partners penis size and it recommends positions based on that.
> 
> Need to be a phone app for this one. LOL


Well I have the Kama Sutra Pro one but it's pretty meh.

The idea behind the penis size one is quite good. A long one will allow you to use some positions a shorter one can't whereas a shorter one allows you to do some things without causing pain.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

See penis LENGTH has less bearing on sexual fulfillment then men think.


And yet another penis length thread.....


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Ooops!

My bad.

Was just mentioning a couple of websites I'd found.

Tried to find the one that had the length thing but can't find it now.

And to be honest it was a very light hearted site.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Just proves something else that men think, yes the world does revolve around your penis!


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

not sure about the world but sometimes, if I am lucky my wife does. ROTFLMAO


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Wysh said: "Also remember, especially if you do go fairly kinky to always have a safe word."

This always baffles me...I guess I've never gotten so deep into pain or "scary" type sex that I've ever needed a safe word with anyone.

The only reason I can think of to need one is if you are having sex with someone you don't actually know very well.

If my H paddles a little too hard or squeezes me and it hurts, I just squeal out in pain a bit and he stops. Then I usually slap him around, but he's gagged so a safe word wouldn't help him anyway. :smthumbup:


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> Wysh said: "Also remember, especially if you do go fairly kinky to always have a safe word."
> 
> This always baffles me...I guess I've never gotten so deep into pain or "scary" type sex that I've ever needed a safe word with anyone.


Exactly. Light swatting/squeezing isn't for losing yourself in the fantasy. However, a rape fantasy may require protesting to be satisfying. That's when "eggplant" is much more useful than, "stop."


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Just proves something else that men think, yes the world does revolve around your penis!


To be fair, this is the SIM section of the forum and it is a little hard  to discuss sex in marriage without mentioning willies, hoo has, bewbies and bums.

Besides they have a habit of popping up when you least expect it!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> Exactly. Light swatting/squeezing isn't for losing yourself in the fantasy. However, a rape fantasy may require protesting to be satisfying. That's when "eggplant" is much more useful than, "stop."


A safe word are very often more for the partner in charge. If gives confidence that you can proceed, particularly in the beginning when you may not feel as confident about reading your partner when trying something new.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

*Re: Re: Being Dominated*



PHTlump said:


> Exactly. Light swatting/squeezing isn't for losing yourself in the fantasy. However, a rape fantasy may require protesting to be satisfying. That's when "eggplant" is much more useful than, "stop."


But what if an eggplant is already involved, how would you know the difference between a safetied and a toy?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Just proves something else that men think, yes the world does revolve around your penis!


:rofl:


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