# My brother in law is cheating on my sister!



## MyAngel0304 (Feb 12, 2012)

My husband and my brother in law work together. So my husband told me he is cheating on my sister and all the co- workers also know. I dont know if I should say anything about it. My sister doesnt work and has health issues. My brother has cheated before. They have been married 10 years and have 2 children. I know she doesnt trust him. I know he lies to her about being at work when his not. I have not seen him with anybody but Im very close with my sister so its pretty obvious his messing around so it should obvious to her. Maybe she doesnt want admit it to herself. I would love to take advice on this matter.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

The truth is always best.

How would you feel if your husband was cheating and everyone knew about it except you?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

BIL vs. sister - where do your loyalties lie? Would you want your sister to tell you?


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## Wheels65 (Jul 17, 2011)

Would you feel betrayed by her if the situation was reversed and she did not tell you?

Have some solid proof ready and let her know.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I aggree with MSP, but be prepared for the bearer of bad news and the back lash.
There are alot of variables to consider so make a plan to expose this and look at all the possiblities that can come back and bit you in the but and be prepared for them.

having a well planed out exposer may help you in some of the back lash that will come your way. In a perfect world you could expose this with out ever being acuused of being the bad guy.

Ya, its wrong but thats just how the world turns

Think about the R, if/when they get back together you most likely will be shuned, along with the back lash you will get that do not have the moral compass you have. close family and friend will villianize you b/c that just how there moral compass points.

The point is yes expose this, plant some evidence or figure out some colvert opperation that will expose this while you look like just a by stander.

So often the couple gets back together and the one that exposes is shuned. So please think this trough and quitely make up a plan to expose, and work the plan. Do not wait, she will be even more pissed if she finds out 1st and thinks you didn't tell her.

So in short yes "let her know" but do the reasearch and make a plan, this is something that should not be taken lightly.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Stress & anxiety from being lied to when you know that there's something going on can cause significant health issues. I would imagine that her health might improve once she felt like someone cared enough about her not to join in on the Big Lie. She's your sister. If I had a sister, I'd want to know that she was on my side, entirely.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes tell her.

If i found out my H was cheating and everyone knew I would feel so humilated ( on top of the hurt of the affair)...to know my sister knew and did nothing would devastate me.

Tell her.


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## clenzemary (Feb 12, 2012)

Most times saying the truth requires you standing alone.In essence you may not expect the backing from very close relations who may have known about this illicit affair even before you.What you should therefore do in this circumstance is to work more closely with your husband in order to get substantial and verifiable evidence(s).With these information,you can privately invite your sister to your home and disclose your observations. You should however not present the matter as if you are already judging her husband-this may likely put her on defense (make her confrontational). Assure her that the situation is not hopeless but still redeemable and you are always there to offer every necessary assistance if called on.With this approach,even when she later resolves the matter with her husband she would always cherish your role during her moment of crisis. If however she does not (in very rare cases),please do not regret your action, rather rejoice because the burden of guilt you are likely to suffer for not disclosing the illicit relationship far outweighs what you would experience from them after their reconciliation.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

clenzemary said:


> Most times saying the truth requires you standing alone.


:iagree:

Wow... now ain't that the truth!

Great post clenzemary!


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Try not to expose it yourself. Somehow arrange things so your sister finds out.

From what you posted, your sister may already have an idea and is probably going to forgive her husband. That will not leave you in a good place.

Just put enough signs out there for your sister to figure it out. Get some evidence and just put it in your sister's mailbox.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Better make sure what you say is absolutely bulletproof.

You have many lives in the balance and 3rd hand stories won't fly.

What if your husband is wrong?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Do you support hs cheating! The why would you even think of protecting his affair. Not only tell her, but help her find ashark lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have the money to have a PI follow him and get info? Do it if you do. Or get whatever you can. Give her the gift of her not having to wonder if you or he are lying and who is playing games with her.

Is the other woman married? Her husband could be the one to let your sister know if someone would talk to him.

Another way of handling it is to tell her husband that he was a couple of days to tell his wife himself. And if he does not then you will. Perhaps the 'you' could be you and your husband.

Informing her anonymously is not really a bad idea... would she call you and let you know after she found out? Then you c


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

If it's my sister or good friend, I would sit her down and tell her. ESPECIALLY if it's my sister. Omg. If she knew I knew and didn't tell her, she'd be pissed off and soooo hurt. I would be too.

No one makes a fool of my sister, least of all me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

that_girl said:


> If it's my sister or good friend, I would sit her down and tell her. ESPECIALLY if it's my sister. Omg. If she knew I knew and didn't tell her, she'd be pissed off and soooo hurt. I would be too.
> 
> No one makes a fool of my sister, least of all me.


:iagree: You are right. My concern is that it can be used by her her BIL to drive a wedge between the sisters.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Nothing would come between my sisters and I.

We can smell bullshet. She knows I would NEVER EVER make something like that up. Ever. So, it would have to be true if I went to her.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

It is her marriage and her family and her relationship. She has a right to know so she can make an informed decision. If you have more than suspicions, I would talk to her and show her whatever "proof" you may have such as he's HERE when he's told you he's THERE. If it's only hearsay...get evidence first, even if "everyone knows." 

However, don't forget that it may be entirely possible that it hurts your sister but she has decided to accept his unfaithful ways so that she and the kids can be provided for. I'm not saying that's what YOU would do...but she may. The point is this: in order to make a fully informed choice, she needs to know all the relevant facts.


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## RDL (Feb 10, 2012)

I would suggest caution when dealing this situation. It has been detailed by several answers that while it seems you have an obligation to tell her that would also hurt her and bring about other negative consequences. 

In this situation I would suggest you speak with her husband and tell him that he needs to tell your sister the truth. That you feel obligated to let her know if he does not. 

I suggest you approach the subject in a calm and non threatening manner as much as you are able in order to secure his cooperation.

If he refuses I would suggest you let your sister know indirectly and anonymously. Such as an anonymous letter. Reason being that she will be doubly hurt by the fact that the whole family knew. She most likely would prefer to keep aspects of her pain private and I suggest you allow her that dignity.


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