# Explain the "Drama Triangle"



## ToothFairy (May 19, 2013)

Conrad mentioned the drama triangle and I have seen it in a couple of threads. Is there anyone who can explain in lay terms so I can figure out where I fit in this?
Thank you so much..


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## Urban (Mar 29, 2013)

Is this the same thing as the Victim's Triangle? I just found on this site earlier a link to a Lynne Forrest article on the Victim's Triangle, and it has been a complete paradigm shift for me.

I don't know if I can explain it though, since I only just read it myself. I'd like to get her book and read more. The article really blew me away.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

I am sure others can do better than me, but, to start the ball rolling, here is my take on it (relying on my memory from learning about it over 25 years ago).

The Drama Triangle can arise in situations where you have three people (surprise, surprise!) but possibly more. The key element is that people must assume three roles - Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer. One interesting feature of the triangle is that the roles can swap around with alarming speed. The classic situation described to me was where a couple are having a fight, with one 'playing' the role of the Persecutor and the other the Victim. An outside party intervenes (the Rescuer), only to find that the couple turn on him/her. The Rescuer now finds he/she is the Victim while the original Victim is now one of the persecutors.

The essential idea is that where you have three or more people the basis exists for drama to arise as soon as people start playing one or more of these roles. In general Drama Triangles are to be avoided but some people find them addictive or cannot see how to break out of the patterns of behaviour which arise.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Trying's description is well worded. I'll fill it out with an example or two: 

Joe is married to Mary. Mary's sister is Jane. 

Joe takes on the victim role when he gets frustrated and stressed out by work and his marriage, so he stops by the bar for a beer after work with his pal James. James is Rescuer - providing relief for Joe's pain.

One beer turns into two, three, half a dozen. He suddenly realizes he's much later getting home than he planned to be, and Mary is angry. Mary's taking on the Persecutor role as she yells at him and blames him for his irresponsibility. 

Joe may or may not argue back with her. If he does, the two people rapidly shift back and forth with Joe as Persecutor and Mary as victim, then Mary as Persecutor and Joe as Victim within the argument. 

However, the drama triangle goes past the arguments. The next day, Mary's still feeling like a victim and complains to her sister, who is a good Rescuer and tells Mary that everything is Joe's fault... he's the "real" Prosecutor who is treating her badly. 

Joe comes home and listens to Mary's tirade about how she was right, even her sister said so! Here, Mary's playing out the Victim role by emphasizing her sister as the Prosecutor and appealing to Joe to be a Rescuer that fixes Mary's unhappiness.

Last note: All of these roles can involve action or words. Rescuing can be offering soothing words that target someone, OR they can take actions that ease another's burden.


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## ToothFairy (May 19, 2013)

Thank you...


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

The worst are people that always enter any situation assuming the victim role no matter what reality is. They are looking for an excuse for the awful things they have done or are about to do and they find it in the smallest appearance of an attack on them. They make the people closest to them into their persecutors for imaginary reasons often on a daily basis. It's a psychological issue that will likely never resolve itself. It excuses addictions and cheating and theft and abuse of everyone around them. It's the number 1 takeaway I get from the victim triangle, that sometimes you have to be the persecutor, you can't always rescue people from their problems.


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## Urban (Mar 29, 2013)

It turns out the Drama Triangle is the same thing as the Victim's Triangle, which I have been reading a lot about lately.

According to Lynne Forrest, most of us are victims. She says that there are three faces of victimhood, which she demonstrates using an inverted triangle, with one point facing downwards, (developed by a guy named Stephen Karpman). The top left point represents the Persecutor, the top right the Rescuer, and the bottom point the Victim. Forrest asserts that each point represents a victim, just a different type of victim.

Forrest says that every dysfunctional relationship plays out on this triangle, with each individual moving from point to point at various times. As individuals, our life's experiences and core beliefs dictate our Starting Gate on the triangle - some people are Starting Gate Persecutors, some are Starting Gate Rescuers, and others are Starting Gate Victims - however, no matter where a person starts out on the triangle, everyone ends up at the bottom, as a Victim.

SG Rescuers come into the triangle as the helpers and caretakers. They're the ones who want to solve all the problems, and "fix" everyone. Classic co-dependent.

SG Persecutors come into the triangle with the notion that the world is a dangerous place, and they need to protect themselves from it. Classic abuser.

These two positions are at the top of the triangle because both the Rescuer and the Persecutor have an inherent belief that they are better than others. 

SG Victims are on the bottom because they feel incompetent and unable to take care of themselves, so they tend to look up to others for help. Think Charlie Brown.

Here's a couple examples of how the triangle works:

Imagine an SG Rescuer finds an SG Victim to "save". Both are happy, right? Forrest says not for long. Because the SG Rescuer is in the upper position, the SG Victim eventually feels resentment towards the SG Rescuer. When this happens, the SG Victim moves to the Persecutor role against the SG Rescuer - "You think you're better than me!" When this happens the SG Rescuer shifts into the Victim role - "After all I've done for you..." Then the SH Rescuer shifts into the role of Persecutor when s/he withdraws all care. The SG Victim moves back into the Victim's corner. Lather, rinse, repeat.

When an SG Persecutor is paired with an SG Victim, their happiness is also short lived. The upper hand of the controlling SG Persecutor means that eventually, the SG Victim will rebel. Th SG Victim then shifts into the role of the Persecutor - "Stop bullying me!" and the SG Persecutor then shifts into the Victim's role - "See? Everyone's always out to get me!" And around and around they go. 

Forrest says there are many relationship variants based on this triangle, involving two or more people, and in any argument or emotional exchange, each player spins around the triangle, sometimes at the blink of an eye.

She says that in order to break the Drama Triangle, we must first understand our Starting Gate Positions, and the core beliefs and life experiences that have made us that way. She warns that these are so fundamentally woven into our fabric that we can never truly change what we are. We can only seek to understand our emotional reactions as a result of these beliefs, and those of our partners, and through awareness, change the ways in which we relate to each other. That's the only way to get off the Drama Triangle.

I hope my brief explanation has done justice to her work. I have ordered her book off of Amazon, because I found this startlingly applicable to my situation. It's been a real eye-opener for me. Too bad she doesn't have many YouTube talks.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Thank you.

It sounds as though Forrest is essential reading for Drama Kings and Queens everywhere!


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-could-use-advice-strange-situation-home.html

There you go. The third side of the triangle is TAM.


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