# sex goes from 100% to 10% overnight



## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

My partner & I have known each other for 30 years, been together 7 years, we went out together at school,lost touch for 20 years,then hitched up again. We are both in our mid 40s. We both have bad history behind us with ex partners.
Up until last week we had an amazing sex life,sexual contact of some kind every day. Now we have sex once every 7-10 days. My partner then uses masturbation on his own in between.This bothers me as he never did this before.
We have spoken about this but he says " I worry too much over nothing"


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Masturbation, on its own, is not a problem. It is completely normal. However, if it interferes with your sex life, that's when it becomes a problem. I too, would be worrying if my husband were to choose to masturbate and put me off for 7-10 days in addition...especially after having sexual contact of some sort everyday. If it's "nothing to worry about", what are his reasons for masturbating, rather than sex with a willing partner?


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

He skips over that bit & looks offended. Almost as if to say " who me". I have woken in the night to find him in bed next to me masturbating. I don't let him know I am awake l just lie quite until he's finished. To add insult to injury he seems to enjoy masturbation as much if not more than any kind of sex with me.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

"Up until last week we had an amazing sex life, sexual contact of some kind every day. Now we have sex once every 7-10 days"

This doesn't make sense.

Don't you mean, up until last year?

Coz it's not even been 10 days yet if it only dropped off last week.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Sandfly said:


> "Up until last week we had an amazing sex life, sexual contact of some kind every day. Now we have sex once every 7-10 days"
> 
> This doesn't make sense.
> 
> ...


Depends on how you view the calendar. if you consider Sunday as the last day of the week, rather than the first day, then it's possible. Could have been 10 days from today, which, by that thinking, could be 10 days. But, she could have meant last year, or last month, or the last few weeks, etc. Either way, the point is that it has dropped off and he doesn't seem to think there is a problem, even when she mentions it to him. He glosses over the "why not with a willing partner" part of the conversation.

Honeysuckle, next time you catch him masturbating, turn over and help him. Who knows? He may enjoy that. And it may be what he wants. If he pushes you away, however, you will need to have a talk about that... again.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

"Honeysuckle, next time you catch him masturbating, turn over and help him. Who knows? He may enjoy that. And it may be what he wants. If he pushes you away, however, you will need to have a talk about that... again. "

Yes I had thought of that. But he won't even say yes I am masturbating on my own because.................. So I am not sure if "my helping" would be accepted. It is almost like he is ashamed of masturbating. On the flip side when I have my periods that is our sexual preference no penetration just hand & tongue pleasure to orgasm. 
If he wants my help why ignore me (sexually) in the first place?????? 
He still flirts with me,still likes the odd risky touch/fondle just no bedroom action.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Exactly when did he stop having sex with you daily?
Do you think he could be having an affair? He might feel that he is "cheating on his paramour" by having sex with you, but would not feel the same way about masturbation.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> Exactly when did he stop having sex with you daily?
> Do you think he could be having an affair? He might feel that he is "cheating on his paramour" by having sex with you, but would not feel the same way about masturbation.


No he's not having an affair. I am certain of this. We don't spend enough time apart for him to have found someone else. Apart from that he takes Viagra so those would disappear too quickly. He only has those on prescription from his Dr. He would not buy them off the internet for fear of them not being original or being tampered with. The daily sex stopped about 10 days ago with no explanation,just stopped dead.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

A sudden change is strange. 
It has not been going on long enough to see if this is some temporary low or not. 

Perhaps he is questioning his own performance.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Did he run out of viagra maybe?

How long has he needed viagra? Does he need it for occasional ed or is it neccessary, or just an enhancer? Is there a point where like other meds it becomes less effective?

Actually, 10 days is not so long. this doesn't sound too worrisome yet.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

usmarriedguy said:


> A sudden change is strange.
> It has not been going on long enough to see if this is some temporary low or not.
> 
> Perhaps he is questioning his own performance.



I shouldn't think so he always says " tell me what you want me to do" & always asks " is that nice, do you like that,is that ok" He is very inventive & trys not to be too repetitive . This is what I find strange if we had a really bad sex life I could understand it, but that is not the case. He is a very considerate lover & takes both our enjoyment into consideration, if anything my enjoyment comes way before his enjoyment:scratchhead:


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> Did he run out of viagra maybe?
> 
> How long has he needed viagra? Does he need it for occasional ed or is it neccessary, or just an enhancer? Is there a point where like other meds it becomes less effective?
> 
> Actually, 10 days is not so long. this doesn't sound too worrisome yet.


No he doesn't run out I am responsible for ordering them & always make sure there are enough There are 6 here and 8 on prescription at the doctors waiting to be picked up.
He was using Viagra before we got together. It is necessary to have full sex. Using only hands & tongue we can manage without Viagra.
We used to have sexual contact every day & now nothing. Why masturbate on your own, giving me no sex of any form, when he knows full well I am willing to help him masturbate or will willingly do it for him. 
I don't understand why & he won't talk to me about it. In all other aspects our relationship has not changed.:scratchhead:


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

This is a mystery.
Does he take Viagra for masturbation?
How long have you two been together?
Can you think of anything that may have set him off when you were last making love?
Any conversations that made him uncomfortable?
There should be no fear in discussing or bringing up issues pertaining to your relationship. If he has suddenly stopped being sexual with you, but he is masturbating, that is something that should be discussed until there is an answer and a resolution.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> This is a mystery.
> Does he take Viagra for masturbation?
> How long have you two been together?
> Can you think of anything that may have set him off when you were last making love?
> ...


No Viagra for masturbation.
We have been together for 7 years.
When we last made love we had an absolutely amazing all night session which I am 100% certain he enjoyed as much as I did.
I have tried discussing this he says" you are worrying over nothing." He won't admit to masturbating on his own, i don't think is aware that I've woken up will he is masturbating,so he isn't aware that i know for certain. He is assuming that i am guessing & trying to find out for certain by getting him to admit to it off his own back. I don't mind him masturbating, i just want sex with him as well & yes i have told him this.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

You aren't telling him the whole truth, which is that you woke up when he was masturbating, so you know he was. For some reason, he doesn't feel comfortable in telling you. If this happens again, tell him gently that you he awakened you with his masturbation. No accusation, just the facts.
He could refuse to discuss it with you further, but this shows there are other things going on where he is not feeling comfortable being open to you.
Other than that, it might be good to just be quiet about the situation, work on other areas of your relationship and see what happens in a week or two. It could work itself out. However, if this keeps going on for a month or more, telling him that he is hurting you with his neglect could open up the doors to better communication and resolution.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> You aren't telling him the whole truth, which is that you woke up when he was masturbating, so you know he was. For some reason, he doesn't feel comfortable in telling you. If this happens again, tell him gently that you he awakened you with his masturbation. No accusation, just the facts.
> He could refuse to discuss it with you further, but this shows there are other things going on where he is not feeling comfortable being open to you.
> Other than that, it might be good to just be quiet about the situation, work on other areas of your relationship and see what happens in a week or two. It could work itself out. However, if this keeps going on for a month or more, telling him that he is hurting you with his neglect could open up the doors to better communication and resolution.


Yes I think you could be right. That sounds like a plan I could be happy to run with. 
THANKYOU FOR YOUR ADVICE.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

Maricha75 said:


> Honeysuckle, next time you catch him masturbating, turn over and help him. Who knows? He may enjoy that. And it may be what he wants. If he pushes you away, however, you will need to have a talk about that... again.


was woken by Mr honeysuckle masturbating,so I turn over & start playing with his nipples( he really gets off on that) he turns to face me, stops masturbting, puts my hand on his penis & says make me come. Which is what I did,brilliant it also led to amazing PIV. In the morning he says to me "you can wake me up like that more often if you like!"
After a long chat it transpires that "sleep sex" is to blame,Mr honeysuckle suffered with it about 20 years ago!
The lack of sexual contact was apparently due to a medical procedure I am due to undergo "doctors want to look at the inside of my uterus" He thought it would be better to just stop rather than speak to me about it,ironic cause I wanted the closeness,to know it wouldn't affect our sexual relationship. We have had a long talk now & are in the same book & on the same page,thankfully.:lol::smthumbup:


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

It's amazing how quickly things can turn around when we are open to looking at things a little differently. I'm glad you now understand what was happening.
Sleep is a weird thing. My family has strange sleep issues that unfortunately I passed onto my children. My daughter once called a friend in the middle of the night and had a talking in her sleep conversation. The friend was grounded for being on the phone in the middle of the night. My daughter didn't remember the conversation and we finally figured out that she was actually sleeping the whole time. I once cleaned out a closet in my sleep. If I didn't have a lot of experience with the strange things that can happen while sleeping, I'd be very skeptical about what your husband says, but by your brief description I think he's telling the truth.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> It's amazing how quickly things can turn around when we are open to looking at things a little differently. I'm glad you now understand what was happening.
> Sleep is a weird thing. My family has strange sleep issues that unfortunately I passed onto my children. My daughter once called a friend in the middle of the night and had a talking in her sleep conversation. The friend was grounded for being on the phone in the middle of the night. My daughter didn't remember the conversation and we finally figured out that she was actually sleeping the whole time. I once cleaned out a closet in my sleep. If I didn't have a lot of experience with the strange things that can happen while sleeping, I'd be very skeptical about what your husband says, but by your brief description I think he's telling the truth.


Thanks for your advice. I would never of had the nerve to try it off my own back. That incident happened 2 nights ago both nights since I have been woken by "sleep foreplay" now I am aware of it Mr honeysuckle seems relaxed about it, I don't have an issue with sleep sex, I almost see it as a complement that even in his sleep he wants to "touch me" Both nights before going to sleep we have had sex so the "sleep sex" to me is either another sex session or him saying " let me play, cause I love to touch you" win win situation for me. The solo masturbation has also stopped:smthumbup:


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

It makes me so happy to see a positive resolution to marriage problems. You have made my day. Thank you, Honeysuckle, for sharing.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

"Why masturbate on your own, giving me no sex of any form, when he knows full well I am willing to help him masturbate or will willingly do it for him."

Yeah, that is a good question. 

But regardless of his seeming to want to do it on his own I do not think that ends his obligation to you. You two seem to have had a pretty consistent sex life and that sets up expectations for acceptable behavior and suddenly going from some daily sexual contact to none is outside of that -I would think.


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## honeysuckle (Feb 23, 2014)

Exactly my issue. I understand dropping off a bit from say 7 nights to say 3-4 nights a week.
At least I know the reason was not lack of interest in me or another woman. 
It wasn't the solo masturbating that worried me, it was the lack of our sexual activity 
Mr honeysuckle now understands that having this procedure looming over my head has not dampened my need for a sexual relationship with him


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