# Update to wifes affair with a woman



## 71bgol

In a previous thread a couple years ago i posted about my wife having an affair with a lesbian coworker. I gave myself a two year timeline. If two years had past and the affair was still the number one issue in our marriage and my life I was going to end it. She ended up moving out exactly one day before the two year mark. I told her a month before i just couldnt do it anymore.

My suggestion to people going through the same thing is try to give it some time if the WS is willing to reconcile. She was great the first year of reconciliation. The second year it went down hill and she wanted all her freedom back. Including going out drinking with friends and crashing at their place. It got to the point it just wasnt worth worrying about what she was doing anymore. It all came to a head one night when she called me a psycho for being upset that she spent the night at a friends that was also friends with the girl she cheated on me with. I told her she needed to move out and ill will take care of the divorce. I havent looked back since.

Honestly the last two years being single has been the best years of my life. I feel like a free man. I have dated here and there, but have no desire for anything serious.

All in all im glad I gave the marriage a chance, i have no regrets. I know I would regret staying with her if i had. Lay some ground rules for your reconciliation. Also establish a timeline. Dont look back ten years post affair and wish you would have got out while you could. There is light at the end of the tunnel either way.


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## SunCMars

71bgol said:


> In a previous thread a couple years ago i posted about my wife having an affair with a lesbian coworker. I gave myself a two year timeline. If two years had past and the affair was still the number one issue in our marriage and my life I was going to end it. She ended up moving out exactly one day before the two year mark. I told her a month before i just couldnt do it anymore.
> 
> My suggestion to people going through the same thing is try to give it some time if the WS is willing to reconcile. She was great the first year of reconciliation. The second year it went down hill and she wanted all her freedom back. Including going out drinking with friends and crashing at their place. It got to the point it just wasnt worth worrying about what she was doing anymore. It all came to a head one night when she called me a psycho for being upset that she spent the night at a friends that was also friends with the girl she cheated on me with. I told her she needed to move out and ill will take care of the divorce. I havent looked back since.
> 
> Honestly the last two years being single has been the best years of my life. I feel like a free man. I have dated here and there, but have no desire for anything serious.
> 
> All in all im glad I gave the marriage a chance, i have no regrets. I know I would regret staying with her if i had. Lay some ground rules for your reconciliation. Also establish a timeline. Dont look back ten years post affair and wish you would have got out while you could. There is light at the end of the tunnel either way.


You gave her more chances than she deserved.

Am glad you are out from under her spell. And away from her spiel of Bull Spit.

I suspect your description is way shy of what she was really up to.

She will be happy with her life, until she falls flat in her fifties. At that point she will be too jaded with what's left in front of her.


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## 71bgol

SunCMars said:


> You gave her more chances than she deserved.
> 
> Am glad you are out from under her spell. And away from her spiel of Bull Spit.
> 
> I suspect your description is way shy of what she was really up to.
> 
> She will be happy with her life, until she falls flat in her fifties. At that point she will be too jaded with what's left in front of her.


Not that it matters anymore, but im fairly confident nothing else was going on after. It was just the issues she had respecting our agreed boundaries. Her friends house she stayed at knew about the affair and was pissed at both of them. She actually talked to me on the phone about it for a good hour. Like I said though, it doesnt matter anymore.

Im glad I am away from her BS as well.

She is NOT happy. She didnt want to sign the divorce papers and has contacted me numerous times asking to try and work things out, even after the divorce was final. She has also text me randomly at night and said she took all her sleeping pills, and that I killed her by leaving her. I just called the cops and sent them to her apartment. She did the same thing again a few months later. I just forwarded the texts to her sister and didnt reply. Glad I dont have to deal with her anymore. ITs honestly weird we were ever married. Shes also gained 50 pounds since the divorce. She realized everything she lost too late and has gone off the deep end. Sad


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## SunCMars

Very sad. 

The grass is not always greener. There are weeds everywhere in life.


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## SunCMars

Sometimes a ho-hum marriage is better than a couple-times done, affair wreckage.


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## sokillme

71bgol said:


> In a previous thread a couple years ago i posted about my wife having an affair with a lesbian coworker. I gave myself a two year timeline. If two years had past and the affair was still the number one issue in our marriage and my life I was going to end it. She ended up moving out exactly one day before the two year mark. I told her a month before i just couldnt do it anymore.
> 
> My suggestion to people going through the same thing is try to give it some time if the WS is willing to reconcile. She was great the first year of reconciliation. The second year it went down hill and she wanted all her freedom back. Including going out drinking with friends and crashing at their place. It got to the point it just wasnt worth worrying about what she was doing anymore. It all came to a head one night when she called me a psycho for being upset that she spent the night at a friends that was also friends with the girl she cheated on me with. I told her she needed to move out and ill will take care of the divorce. I havent looked back since.
> 
> Honestly the last two years being single has been the best years of my life. I feel like a free man. I have dated here and there, but have no desire for anything serious.
> 
> All in all im glad I gave the marriage a chance, i have no regrets. I know I would regret staying with her if i had. Lay some ground rules for your reconciliation. Also establish a timeline. Dont look back ten years post affair and wish you would have got out while you could. There is light at the end of the tunnel either way.


That's one way of looking at it, for others it looks like 2 years wasted.

And I am sure if we went to you old tread people told you, you will be right here.

Don't take her back if she comes back.


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## 71bgol

sokillme said:


> That's one way of looking at it, for others it looks like 2 years wasted.
> 
> And I am sure if we went to you old tread people told you, you will be right here.
> 
> Don't take her back if she comes back.


People told me 2 years would turn into 5, then 5 would turn into 10. Pretty much that i would be miserable forever. I dont regret the two years. If i could go back though, I would have ended it right away.

So I guess my advice should have been, as soon as someone betrays the trust just end the marriage. In my opinion it is never going to work out. There are so many other people out there for you. Also, there is nothing wrong with being alone.


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## sokillme

71bgol said:


> People told me 2 years would turn into 5, then 5 would turn into 10. Pretty much that i would be miserable forever. I dont regret the two years. If i could go back though, I would have ended it right away.
> 
> So I guess my advice should have been, as soon as someone betrays the trust just end the marriage. In my opinion it is never going to work out. There are so many other people out there for you. Also, there is nothing wrong with being alone.


I guess we just won't see it the same. I see time as very limited on this earth and your ex seems like a jerk (to be nice), I don't see any benefit on wasting time on jerks. Doesn't seem noble or even like love to me.


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## Benbutton

Sorry man but there will never be an established timeline with me, I am no cuckold. My ex learned that the hard way and I learned there are better women out there. There's no way in hell I'm wasting a day of my life, let alone 2 years. Just think of all the hotties you missed out on in that time...


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## marko polo

This is what your two years of effort to reconcile have bought you - No regrets.




71bgol said:


> People told me 2 years would turn into 5, then 5 would turn into 10. Pretty much that i would be miserable forever. I dont regret the two years. If i could go back though, I would have ended it right away.
> 
> So I guess my advice should have been, as soon as someone betrays the trust just end the marriage. In my opinion it is never going to work out. There are so many other people out there for you. Also, there is nothing wrong with being alone.


You have identified truths so many fail to appreciate.

Without trust there is no marriage. A broken trust will always remain just that - broken. Yes the marriage should have been ended sooner. However, you have no regrets for leaving the marriage because for two years you made an effort to repair the damage she caused. As a result when you decided to leave your ex had no leverage or means to guilt or manipulate you into staying married. There are so many other people out there for you. You can build a future with many other women provided any of them is willing to respect you and work with you to build a future together. Being alone is not a curse or a burden it is freedom.


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## ABHale

You did what was right for you. Never second guess what you did.

Glad you are enjoying life again.


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## Numb26

sokillme said:


> I guess we just won't see it the same. I see time as very limited on this earth and your ex seems like a jerk (to be nice), I don't see any benefit on wasting time on jerks. Doesn't seem noble or even like love to me.


In my case, I didn't even waste 2 days. I got out and stayed out


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## 71bgol

Numb26 said:


> In my case, I didn't even waste 2 days. I got out and stayed out


I dont blame you. If it would have been a man she had an affair with and they had sex, I would have done the same. I dont know why it matters, but it does.


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## 71bgol

Benbutton said:


> Sorry man but there will never be an established timeline with me, I am no cuckold. My ex learned that the hard way and I learned there are better women out there. There's no way in hell I'm wasting a day of my life, let alone 2 years. Just think of all the hotties you missed out on in that time...


I meant an established timeline for someone that is going to try and reconcile. I get what you are saying. I think it also depends on how far the affair goes and in my case the sex of the AP. No way would i try to reconcile if she was getting it from some other dude.

Ive made up for what i missed out on during those two years. Right now im just content being alone. I dont want to deal with the stess of a relationship. Everyone wants to move so fast these days as well. No one is content just dating.


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## Numb26

71bgol said:


> I dont blame you. If it would have been a man she had an affair with and they had sex, I would have done the same. I dont know why it matters, but it does.


Wasn't a man my ex had an affair with


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## 71bgol

Numb26 said:


> Wasn't a man my ex had an affair with


Well are you a man or a woman? Did your wife have an affair with another woman?


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## ConanHub

71bgol said:


> In a previous thread a couple years ago i posted about my wife having an affair with a lesbian coworker. I gave myself a two year timeline. If two years had past and the affair was still the number one issue in our marriage and my life I was going to end it. She ended up moving out exactly one day before the two year mark. I told her a month before i just couldnt do it anymore.
> 
> My suggestion to people going through the same thing is try to give it some time if the WS is willing to reconcile. She was great the first year of reconciliation. The second year it went down hill and she wanted all her freedom back. Including going out drinking with friends and crashing at their place. It got to the point it just wasnt worth worrying about what she was doing anymore. It all came to a head one night when she called me a psycho for being upset that she spent the night at a friends that was also friends with the girl she cheated on me with. I told her she needed to move out and ill will take care of the divorce. I havent looked back since.
> 
> Honestly the last two years being single has been the best years of my life. I feel like a free man. I have dated here and there, but have no desire for anything serious.
> 
> All in all im glad I gave the marriage a chance, i have no regrets. I know I would regret staying with her if i had. Lay some ground rules for your reconciliation. Also establish a timeline. Dont look back ten years post affair and wish you would have got out while you could. There is light at the end of the tunnel either way.


Or..
One and done. Life is short. 😉


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## ConanHub

P.S. I am glad you have reached a healthy resolution.


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## Marc878

Most will wallow in these things but from what I’ve seen you just waste life you can never get back.

Life is pretty precious but at the time you don’t realize it.


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## Numb26

71bgol said:


> Well are you a man or a woman? Did your wife have an affair with another woman?


My ex wife had an affair with a woman


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## MattMatt

@71bgol You gave your wife the chance to be the person she should be and she didn't want to be that person. Too bad for her.


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## Marc878

From what I’ve seen once they step out they rarely step back in. Most have trouble making a decision and wallow in these things way to long. Trying to justify it doesn’t change the facts.


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## Marc878

71bgol said:


> Not that it matters anymore, but im fairly confident nothing else was going on after. It was just the issues she had respecting our agreed boundaries. Her friends house she stayed at knew about the affair and was pissed at both of them. She actually talked to me on the phone about it for a good hour. Like I said though, it doesnt matter anymore.
> 
> Im glad I am away from her BS as well.
> 
> She is NOT happy. She didnt want to sign the divorce papers and has contacted me numerous times asking to try and work things out, even after the divorce was final. She has also text me randomly at night and said she took all her sleeping pills, and that I killed her by leaving her. I just called the cops and sent them to her apartment. She did the same thing again a few months later. I just forwarded the texts to her sister and didnt reply. Glad I dont have to deal with her anymore. ITs honestly weird we were ever married. Shes also gained 50 pounds since the divorce. She realized everything she lost too late and has gone off the deep end. Sad


Cake eaters love their cake. I’d block her on everything. There will never be any future for you with her. Put the final touch on dropping that hopium pipe.


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## Marc878

Numb26 said:


> In my case, I didn't even waste 2 days. I got out and stayed out


This is the best course of action. When they tell you by their actions you don’t matter believe what they’ve shown you.

There are a lot of snake oil salesmen around the “save your marriage industry” but sadly all you’re doing is wasting time/effort and sometimes money for a magical fix that’s not there. If you read enough you’ll see mostly failures but hope is a big seller.


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## Marc878

Another really bad piece of advice is give it some time, don’t make a quick decision, etc. All you’re doing is keeping yourself in limbo for an extended length of time for what? Hopium usually.

The other thing is most will jump into married counseling. That field is full of rugsweeping morons. For a lot you just help pay for their kids college fund.


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