# Cheating and angry



## wifeandmommyof2 (Nov 30, 2011)

I found text from someone else on my husbands phone. There were no message back to this person but they knew he was married and some of the messages were nude pics. He says he didn't say anything but that is very hard to believe. Our marriage hasn't been that great for over a year. I feel like im the only one trying. Well since the messages 2 weeks ago he doesn't talk to me much and we argue all the time. He got mad today and grabbed my wrist. I dont understand were this is coming from. Shouldnt I be the one thats angry? I told him we can try to work this out but I can't live like this.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

He's angry because you called him on his little something special on the side.

He might NOT have gone all the way. I had a friend offer to show me her 'art photos' (I declined). But it gives him a thrill even if it's wrong and he has to face some stark choices. And some of that anger comes from guilt.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

wifeandmommyof2 said:


> I found text from someone else on my husbands phone. There were no message back to this person but they knew he was married and some of the messages were nude pics. He says he didn't say anything but that is very hard to believe. Our marriage hasn't been that great for over a year. I feel like im the only one trying. Well since the messages 2 weeks ago he doesn't talk to me much and we argue all the time. He got mad today and grabbed my wrist. I dont understand were this is coming from. Shouldnt I be the one thats angry? I told him we can try to work this out but I can't live like this.



Sorry to hear you're here with this.

I don't want to sound pessimistic but you are going to need a steely resolve and plenty of tissues in the times ahead

Advice on here is generally great and if I were you I'd listen to it as you will need it.

As for your husband I'm afraid you've committed the crime of catching him and he's not going to offer up anything to satisfy you without a struggle and a truck load of trickle truth. 

They always get angry and need to deflect the attention (and blame) away from them.

I'm afraid you are about to become a detective too. Life is about to change and hopefully you can get a positive outcome. 

Good luck


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

You should probably check out the evidence gathering thread. Sorry, if your marriage sucked before, it is about to get worse before it gets better. But it can get better, if you both want it to.


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## MoreOfaMan (Jul 25, 2012)

There has to of been messages back, unless she's a crazy stalker....He's likely deleted the ones he sent her, so he can say that he's not replied, but still keep the 'pics' for future viewing.

Is it an iPhone? you can retrieve the deleted messages.

If he's never grabbed you like that before, I would be very concerned. It's mislaid anger, if there was nothing wrong, and you where just being a nagging nutcase, then he'd be more willing to calm your nerves not get physical with you..
Be careful how you approach this.


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## wifeandmommyof2 (Nov 30, 2011)

MoreOfaMan said:


> There has to of been messages back, unless she's a crazy stalker....He's likely deleted the ones he sent her, so he can say that he's not replied, but still keep the 'pics' for future viewing.
> 
> Is it an iPhone? you can retrieve the deleted messages.
> 
> ...


 We were aruging because he was being disrespectful and when i said somwthing about it and walked away he grabbed my wrist and twisted it. He doesnt have an iphone. Its and optimus? He said i could look at his phone whenever i want but idk. I just feel like he will be better at hidding it next time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MoreOfaMan (Jul 25, 2012)

How was he acting when he tried to stop you from walking away, I mean if it was desperation to keep you from leaving without discussing more, it might be more excusable, and by more, it's still flatly unacceptable.
How has he been since?
-
You don't just wake up one day and have nude picture messages on your cellphone, there is something there, there may be a reason for it, but you have to find out what's going on bub


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## wifeandmommyof2 (Nov 30, 2011)

He was mad that I wouldn't stand there and let him be rude and disrespectful. I agree with what you said about the pictures. Since last night he has been nice. Nicer than he has since all of this happen with the pictures. I told him last night I would not put up with him putting his hands on me and I think he knows I mean it. We had a couple of hours before he had to go to work after the kids went to school this morning. He set on the couch with me and just acted like everything was ok.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

wifeandmommyof2 said:


> I found text from someone else on my husbands phone. There were no message back to this person but they knew he was married and some of the messages were nude pics. He says he didn't say anything but that is very hard to believe. Our marriage hasn't been that great for over a year. I feel like im the only one trying. Well since the messages 2 weeks ago he doesn't talk to me much and we argue all the time. He got mad today and grabbed my wrist. I dont understand were this is coming from. Shouldnt I be the one thats angry? I told him we can try to work this out but I can't live like this.


In addition to the good advice others have given...

She likely sent nude pictures because he has shown her in some way that he is open to being flirted with and sexted. 

Even if she is a sex addict, like my STBEH's OW, he still encouraged it some way. 

It feeds his ego, even if he is telling the truth about not responding. 

I have seen men shut down a flirt with one look. I have shut down male flirts with one look. 

People flirt and sext when they feel they have permission to do so.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

SadandAngry said:


> You should probably check out the evidence gathering thread. Sorry, if your marriage sucked before, it is about to get worse before it gets better. But it can get better, if you both want it to.


:iagree:

Information is power.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I am so sorry, and I wish you didn't have this pain.
My STBXH to this day denies any infidelity on his part, but after discovering multiple EAs and PAs, I don't care how or why he lies. I will say that the first time I confronted him, before I knew the extent of his "hobbies" he denied he did it, then said it didn't mean anything, then said it was my fault-all within about fifteen minutes. You'd think he'd have whiplash after that!
Look into keyloggers, VARs, etc. if you want the details and plan to fight for the marriage. But for now, accept nothing that he says as the truth, and that is about anything.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> In addition to the good advice others have given...
> 
> She likely sent nude pictures because he has shown her in some way that he is open to being flirted with and sexted.
> 
> ...


I agree, Sara.


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## Zak68 (Feb 14, 2012)

You said there was no reply. Ask him if there is nothing, why isn't there a reply to please not send these pics to him? See how he answers that.

He doesn't need to reply back to her in a positive way for it to be an EA or something. Letting it go on is as bad as encouraging it. If he is honest about there being nothing he needs to be transparent with this.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

I have not received messages of nude women unless I was involved with them in some shape or form, emotionally or physically. 

Do not tolerate this, NC immediately, transparency immediately.

IF THERE IS NOTHING TO HIDE, THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR.

Why should he worry, or become angry over the fact that if there is nothing to hide? Most faithful spouses do not make an argument of having their own privacy unless something fishy is going on, something he does not want his wife to read/hear/know about.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

wifeandmommyof2 said:


> We were aruging because he was being disrespectful and when i said somwthing about it and walked away he grabbed my wrist and twisted it. He doesnt have an iphone. Its and optimus? He said i could look at his phone whenever i want but idk. I just feel like he will be better at hidding it next time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Take him up on the offer. Check his phone, grab it randomly. Tell him you do not want him to get himself involved in something as innocent as opposite sex friend relationships. Even if its innocent it leads the wrong way for him and you have already argued about it over the texts, which is proof. You are there to help each other, and he is spitting in your face while you offer to help him to stay dedicated to you and the family. You seem to be doing good, stay strong, try not to relapse or fall into depression. 
Play with fire and you'll get burned.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> In addition to the good advice others have given...
> 
> She likely sent nude pictures because he has shown her in some way that he is open to being flirted with and sexted.
> 
> ...


Absolutely...

I know in my case at times I get so angry at the OW but then I think if H had just shut it down..i.e. when she offered to show him around Singapore. She would have gotten the hint but instead he took her up on her offer so of course she went for it. 

Although sometimes I wonder about the gall of some people...I guess because I am not the flirtatious type I wonder how some people can openly flirt wiht someone even before you know if they are married or what.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

He got angry because you found him out. Guilt and avoidance of the issue = anger. Avoidance probably means he will carry on because he doesn't care.

He sat on the couch with you and pretended like nothing had happened because he felt bad, guilty. And wanted to pretend like nothing had happened = you forget about it too. He was probably just testing the water more than anything with this. See if you would pretend with him. 

Cheaters are so similar, they have that fault in their personalities that allows them to treat people like sh*t and to pursue sex while married. And so behaviour is similar, patterns of behaviour similar.

He wants his pudding. Cake!


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