# Illegal immigrant



## Batpire77 (May 13, 2019)

Hello. I had posted back in July under coping with infidelity. Backstory, my husband cheated, we tried to make it work but in the end I cant trust him and I want to be free of him. Basically I'm looking for advise. I filed today for child custody, support and visitation in the state of Virginia without him knowing. My soon to be ex has been here in the states illegally for the past 15 yrs. He has a fake ssn, pays taxes with a pin #, is an office manager and gets paid better than I do. Has been to court with a felony but got it down to a misdemeanor. Has tried to get his citizenship once but was denied due to it not being a hardship for me. He was going to start another case but backed out when the lawyer told him he had a 10% chance of being deported. Is over all a good person to everyone but me. I have our mediation and court date set already. I'm just wondering if anyone has dealt with an ******* of an illegal in court. Should I get a lawyer or just do the mediation by myself. If I dont agree, it will then go in front of a judge. I'm not sure if he will have the balls to proceed to court, given that he could be deported or he could lawyer up because he has money and can show it. He told me a while ago that he has already talked with a lawyer to see what his rights are. I definitely plan on having a lawyer if it does go to court and I will have a lawyer for the divorce crap most definitely. The hitch is, what little we have is in my name but he pays for most of it. My main concern is my kids, making sure he doesn't take them across state lines and fearing worse, out of the country, and that I am free of this controlling liar. Help!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Batpire77 said:


> Hello. I had posted back in July under coping with infidelity. Backstory, my husband cheated, we tried to make it work but in the end I cant trust him and I want to be free of him. Basically I'm looking for advise. I filed today for child custody, support and visitation in the state of Virginia without him knowing. My soon to be ex has been here in the states illegally for the past 15 yrs. He has a fake ssn, pays taxes with a pin #, is an office manager and gets paid better than I do. Has been to court with a felony but got it down to a misdemeanor. Has tried to get his citizenship once but was denied due to it not being a hardship for me. He was going to start another case but backed out when the lawyer told him he had a 10% chance of being deported. Is over all a good person to everyone but me. I have our mediation and court date set already. I'm just wondering if anyone has dealt with an ******* of an illegal in court. Should I get a lawyer or just do the mediation by myself. If I dont agree, it will then go in front of a judge. I'm not sure if he will have the balls to proceed to court, given that he could be deported or he could lawyer up because he has money and can show it. He told me a while ago that he has already talked with a lawyer to see what his rights are. I definitely plan on having a lawyer if it does go to court and I will have a lawyer for the divorce crap most definitely. The hitch is, what little we have is in my name but he pays for most of it. My main concern is my kids, making sure he doesn't take them across state lines and fearing worse, out of the country, and that I am free of this controlling liar. Help!


How old is your child(ren)?

YOu say that you filed "for child custody, support and visitation ". Does this mean that you filed for divorce today as well?

You need a lawyer even if you go through mediation because the lawyer will guide you on some important issues. 

For example you will want to lawyer to petition the court for a order saying that your husband cannot take the children out of the state and out of the US. Do your children have passports? If they do, the lawyer can ask the court to have someone hold them, like your attorney.

My son's father is first generation American. His parents are from Italy and he has a lot of extended family in Italy. He got my son a passport without telling me. Based on some mail I found, he was thinking of taking our son and go live in Italy. I had my lawyer petition the court to have our son's passport locked in my lawyer's safe. And there it stayed for a couple of years until our divorce was final.

On the issue of his illegal immigration status. There is a lot to consider. 

If you turn him in for being illegal, you will not get child support or spousal support. 

How will it affect your children if he's deported? Does he have a good relationship with them?

Do any of his relatives live in the US, legally or illegally?

How easy would it be for him to sneak back into the US if he's deported? If he stays here in the US, at least you know where he is, where your child(ren) are and get help raising them. 

That said.. by gut reaction is, yep, turn him in. Does he know whose SSN he is using? If it's someone who is alive today, he could be messing up their life, their finances and their ability to get social security and Medicare when they retire. I have a friend who ended up having to pay thousands in taxes because an illegal immigrant used her SSN. IRS said to bad, it's on her SSN and so she has to pay it. At them time my friend was a divorce woman with 3 children, the youngest was a year old. Her ex ran off with his affair partner and gave her zero in child support. But someone who was here illegally basically robbed her of thousands of dollars that she had to pay in taxes on income that some illegal earned and penalties for late filing, etc.

I've read that there are hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of illegal immigrant doing this and the IRS will not go after the illegal immigrant. They just tell the person who the SSN actually belongs to that it's just too bad.


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## Batpire77 (May 13, 2019)

Thank you for responding. My children are 11 and 3. We never got them passports but I dont put it past him to try and get them someway illegally.
I have not filed for divorce yet. I am trying to come up with the money for it. I do want to have a lawyer present through all this the more I've been thinking about. I have had a lot of free consultations and all the lawyers said regardless If I hire them or file for divorce to start the paperwork for custody. 
My main goal is to have sole custody and child support. Spousal support would be a plus but I'm not to worried about it. 
My husband does have a good relationship with the kids, when he is around. He is the spoiler and buddy kind of dad.
If my husband gets deported, I will be able to manage. I have a great supporting family. Him being deported will only make me sad because of the heartache my kids would endure from it.
He has family on both coasts of the US. Legal and illegal. So I know they would help him anyway possible. I do know if he was deported he would do anything possible to get back. But if he is deported and gets caught trying to get back into the US he would be sent to prison. Also once deported he would have to wait 10 years before he could be allowed to enter into the US legally.
Yes, it has allows bothered me about the ssn. 
Dont get me wrong, I myself, have thought about calling ICE on his ass. I know it would solve all my problems. All but one, my children. I couldn't do that to them. I do fear that someone will call, like a friend, family member or even the husband of the woman he cheated on me with and he'll blame it on me and have someone do something to me.
Either way, it's not a great turn of events.
But, I just want to be free of him, move on and live my life, happily, as best as i can.
Has your husband since flown to Italy with the kids?


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

how exactly have you been filing your tax returns? you signing them knowing he is illegal and using a fake social security number. Thought of your responsibility about identity theft? Its definitely an issue for him but might also be a problem for you as well. Quite frankly I hope it is. You want ICE to do your dirty work for you now that things are inconvenient, but not before. How awesome of you. Didnt care any of this was wrong before but now that things are not good you want laws enforced. As Ellegirle pointed out people get f'd by this kind of garbage by no fault of their own but didnt concern you at all when it was ok for you. Please call ICE get him deported and then I hope there are consequences for you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Batpire77 said:


> Has your husband since flown to Italy with the kids?


My son was 8 when we divorced. My ex took him to Italy on a vacation when my son was a teen. By that time, I had no concern about my ex staying in Italy. He's an MD and had established a practice here locally. And my son knew how to get back to the US if he his dad did try to keep him there. I have family and friends in Italy too since I lived there for years, so there were people who would help get him back.

My concern when he was younger is that in Italy, the father automatically gets custody. So had my ex taken our son to Italy when he was young, I'd have to fight very hard to get him back.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> My concern when he was younger is that in Italy, the father automatically gets custody.



As far as I know, if married, and the child is a minor, both parents have custody, equally. Never heard that the father automatically gets custody...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In Absentia said:


> As far as I know, if married, and the child is a minor, both parents have custody, equally. Never heard that the father automatically gets custody...


In Italy? 

I just looked up the current laws in Italy. Apparently they have changed since the time when I lived there and since my son was a young child. Now they are going towards 50/50 custody.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> In Italy?
> 
> I just looked up the current laws in Italy. Apparently they have changed since the time when I lived there and since my son was a young child. Now they are going towards 50/50 custody.



Yes, in Italy... the law was changed ages ago... it's 50/50, unless the judge deems one of the parents not suitable, for whatever reason (there are a few)...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In Absentia said:


> Yes, in Italy... the law was changed ages ago... it's 50/50, unless the judge deems one of the parents not suitable, for whatever reason (there are a few)...


Yes, it was ages ago when this was a problem for me.


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