# Need encouragement / advice



## White Dove (Sep 6, 2015)

Hi everyone I am new here. Not really sure where to start but I really need people to talk to because I feel so alone.

I started dating my husband when I was 19. We moved in together a year later and then another five years later we decided to get married despite the fact that I wanted children and he didn't. He wanted to be with me and knew that I would feel very empty if I did not ever have a child so he decided he would have one. So we got married. 

We were great then, basically our relationship was really really good until we decided to have a child four years into our marriage.

Fast-forward four more years we decided to end our marriage in November 2013. He lived in the house until May 2014 and then decided to move to another province. We get along really well now even though he's not paying child support. He chose to give me everything and I'm choosing not to fight for child support and just let things be. The three of us Skype once a week and me and him talk as if we're well....not friends but we're not enemies.

My problem now is that I'm so alone!! He was always there to talk to. And now that he's gone I have no one to talk to. I pretty much don't have friends and my family lives in another city so I don't see them often. I'm just so lonely and I don't know what to do about it. How does one make friends? I'm not even wanting a relationship I just want friends. I sometimes ask myself "what's wrong with me, why does nobody want to hang out with me?" 

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I feel like I'm a fun person. Everyone at work gets along with me and they like talking to me or else they're very good at faking it, lol. Are my morals or expectations too high? I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't smoke, I go to church. I don't mind if my friends like to have the occasional drink or if they smoke and they don't have to have the same beliefs as me and I don't push my beliefs on others. I just expect to be accepted for who I am in return. I just want a friend that wants to hang out, watch movies, talk, spend time together doing hobbies, playing games, but I don't know how to get one. I occasionally have people that want to hang out with me but it's usually me asking them. I feel I'm never asked and will go weeks alone until I finally ask. Why?!

Sorry if this is too long, it's the middle of the night and I'm just letting my thoughts go....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

A lot of how you make friends has to do with here you live. I don't think you live in the USA. What country do you live in? 

Can you move back to where your parents and family live?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You could start going to more activities at church, social activities, that is? 

Join local clubs. Do you any interests? Book clubs, sports club, non governmental/charitable organisations. 

How old is your kid? You could join a mother's group? Toddlers group, etc. These are all ways of making friends.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Depending on where you live, you could join a single moms Meetup group. I've met a lot of great women that way. I don't do the kid events as my kids are older and wouldn't be interested, but I do the "mom's night out" stuff and it's a great way to meet people. This would be a good option for you because you simply just have to RSVP yes for the event and not wait to be invited. Everyone in the group is invited.


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## afab (Jul 28, 2015)

I am not sure if it is relevant but you dont tell us why you ended your marriage.


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## White Dove (Sep 6, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> A lot of how you make friends has to do with here you live. I don't think you live in the USA. What country do you live in?
> 
> Can you move back to where your parents and family live?


I'm in Canada.
Moving is not an option, I have a really good job and I own my home. It really would not be a wise thing for me to move. I feel I need to create as much stability as possible for my son. I myself have moved 27 times and I just do not want to put him through that if I don't have to.



aine said:


> You could start going to more activities at church, social activities, that is?
> 
> Join local clubs. Do you any interests? Book clubs, sports club, non governmental/charitable organisations.
> 
> How old is your kid? You could join a mother's group? Toddlers group, etc. These are all ways of making friends.





SecondTime'Round said:


> Depending on where you live, you could join a single moms Meetup group. I've met a lot of great women that way. I don't do the kid events as my kids are older and wouldn't be interested, but I do the "mom's night out" stuff and it's a great way to meet people. This would be a good option for you because you simply just have to RSVP yes for the event and not wait to be invited. Everyone in the group is invited.


He is four. I am in a moms group and that's about the only get-togethers I do. They don't do anything else with play dates other than going to the park. Don't get me wrong it's nice because I have nothing else, but I haven't seemed to make a connection with any of them in almost a year.

They do make other plans without kids but unfortunately I'm not able to to do them because I cannot afford a babysitter. All of them have either family that live here or the children's dad lives in town or they're still married so their husband watches the children.

I'm not sure if you are familiar with respite work, but I am supposed to be getting this because my son has some delays due to prematurity. It's basically four hours a week of government funded babysitting. I've been on the waiting list for over a year now. Once I finally get that I will be able to join the Mom nights out.



afab said:


> I am not sure if it is relevant but you dont tell us why you ended your marriage.


Well there's more than one reason but basically what happened was he wasn't being much of a father to our child and I slowly lost respect for him because of this and thus our marriage started failing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## afab (Jul 28, 2015)

It sounds to me it is quite relevant. Apparently you 'forced' a child on him and now he doesnt seem to want him. I can only go by what you tell us. May one ask do you want to get married again.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I don't know if this applies or not. It may. But you do understand that making new friends sometimes involves you reaching out to others? Have you suggested to a co-worker or neighbor or even the mother of a child that your son seems to be engaged with that you do something together outside of whatever event you met them at? These are people you already have some connection with, and it represents an opportunity to build on it. You may find that nothing more develops. In which case you can move onto the next connection. 
Have you worked on yourself? Another problem may be that you are giving off vibes of not being happy? How is your self esteem?
Have you tried new things? You listed a whole litany of things that you don't do - but what do you do?
Maybe you need to step outside of your comfort zone?


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## stillhoping01 (Aug 28, 2015)

I think whether or not you have friends, separation/divorce is very lonely. My journey is only just beginning and I can't believe how lonely I feel. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and just lay there feeling lonely. 
I hope you can find a co-worker or mom to just start texting or have an occasional dinner. I have two friends that are out of town but we text, any hours of the night if we are awake. It makes me feel less lonely even though they are in stable happy marriages. I can vent a little and get some emotional support.
Hope you find some support soon


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

I'm going to suggest that, if dad were paying child support, perhaps you could afford a babysitter. If you're worried about custody issues, it doesn't sound like you'd have any problem getting sole custody. You should at the very least consult a lawyer and get a professional opinion.


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