# Should men under 40 that have a low sex drive have their man card taken?



## Marcus588 (May 4, 2014)

Browsing this forum it downright astounds me how many women are dating/married to men under 40 that are low drive. At first I couldn't believe it. What's the deal? Are they all secretly gay? I've known PLENTY of young men and I have never known a man with an attractive woman that would REJECT sex. I dunno, but I know if I ever did meet a man with an attractive wife/gf and I found out he regularly rejected sex from her EPSECIALLY when she, herself wants it I'd laugh in his face and tell him to turn in his man card and he could get it back once he starts acting like a man and grows some balls. 

Whenever I read women complaining about their men not wanting sex and they're under 40 I just think "W......T.......F?? Are these things even human, much less part of the male species??". 

I guess it really gets me knowing that there are attractive women wasting times with these poor excuses of the male gender instead of getting with REAL men that know what being a man means and would happily jump their bones every chance they get. 

Ladies, word of advice: If you are with a man under 40 and try to be sexy/attractive with him and he rejects you, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Laugh in his face, and walk out the door while saying you're going to find a real man that isn't a disgrace to the male gender.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I have a very hard time relating to such a guy. I'm in my mid 40's and I still don't think that way. I've slowed down... still that means 7-10 times a week.

That said: you're lacking a lot of compassion. Many of these dudes are suffering from low-T. Getting it fixed will make them no longer that way. I will suggest a wife / GF push the guy to get checked. If he refused, then she should leave. A woman with an LD man is likely to fair well with a new man. Her chances of getting saddled with yet another LD man are low.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Everyone is different, just because a man is LD does not make him less of a man, it makes him a different man to you.

You are very low in compassion and understanding. I have experienced both in my life, the ex is a very LD to no drive man, it is complicated, it is not about being gay with him, he is emotionally stunted due to his up bringing IMHO. 

Current partner is a very HD man, we have sex daily at a minimum and he is 54 in 2 days. 

Both are very good men.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I must admit, not desiring sex is a sensation I have not yet experienced. I'm sure there was some point before age 8 or so where I wasn't interested but that was a long time ago and I really don't remember. I wish I could say the desire for sex only showed up when a particularly attractive woman was in the vicinity.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Why do I get the sense this post is screaming;

"Hey, just in case you get tired of it I'm over here"

I was pretty much in agreement with you until your last sentence. I can't relate to having a husband with a LD! I also have a couple of friends who are sexually frustrated bc they are HD and their hubby's are low drive. One friend is very attractive and in shape as well as her husband, and she told me they go a few months without it sometimes.. They are both like us, fit at 40 and could pass for 30 something.No obvious health problems but I don't know what their life's like behind closed doors, and I certainly would never advise her to leave him! There would have to be other issues going on before I'd suggest walking out.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Low T is not going to fix things like job stress, family pressure, resentments, and a myriad of other issues.


Or the most likely reason, messed up upbringing.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I do like how when men can't perform sexually there's always "job stress" as the reason, but female issues related to stress or emotions aren't as well tolerated by male posters. Hmm.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I can't relate to stress caused performance issues either. Sex is one hell of a good stress relief. I would go with John117's explanation, there must be some issues with their childhood.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> I do like how when men can't perform sexually there's always "job stress" as the reason, but female issues related to stress or emotions aren't as well tolerated by male posters. Hmm.


We have had to deal with its that time of the month excuse for century's.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Starstarfish said:


> I do like how when men can't perform sexually there's always "job stress" as the reason, but female issues related to stress or emotions aren't as well tolerated by male posters. Hmm.


If you've seen any of my posts, I'm the guy who has far lower tolerance and excuse makng for LD guys than I do for LD women.

Since most guys are up for sex as often as it is offered, the easiest fix for a stubborn LD man is replacement.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Marcus588 said:


> Browsing this forum it downright astounds me how many women are dating/married to men under 40 that are low drive. At first I couldn't believe it. What's the deal? Are they all secretly gay? I've known PLENTY of young men and I have never known a man with an attractive woman that would REJECT sex. I dunno, but I know if I ever did meet a man with an attractive wife/gf and I found out he regularly rejected sex from her EPSECIALLY when she, herself wants it I'd laugh in his face and tell him to turn in his man card and he could get it back once he starts acting like a man and grows some balls.
> 
> Whenever I read women complaining about their men not wanting sex and they're under 40 I just think "W......T.......F?? Are these things even human, much less part of the male species??".
> 
> ...


It's not always that simple.

Men can be turned off by women for any number of the same reasons women can be turned off by men.

A lot of sexual resentment goes unsaid in relationships and this usually fosters a dead bedroom.

There have been times in my relationship where I couldn't even get erect due to the amount of resentment I had towards my wife.

If sex with the woman you love is nothing more than a mindless physical act that you can perform no matter how healthy your relationship is then you're doing it wrong.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Any as*hole or teenager can use his ****. That has nothing to do with being a man-an adult male. Measuring manliness by someone's sex drive is about as ridiculous-and revealing-as can be.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> We have had to deal with its that time of the month excuse for century's.


Not an excuse, basic biology. Sorry that's disappointing. Because I'm sure you dealing with "that time of the month" as a sex excuse is far worse than actually having to deal with it.

If you really want a challenge - go grocery shopping alone with one or several small children and ponder how to take them into the bathroom stall without and change a tampon without them looking at you or in the toilet to prevent horrifying them.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Marcus588 said:


> Browsing this forum it downright astounds me how many women are dating/married to men under 40 that are low drive. At first I couldn't believe it. What's the deal? Are they all secretly gay? I've known PLENTY of young men and I have never known a man with an attractive woman that would REJECT sex. I dunno, but I know if I ever did meet a man with an attractive wife/gf and I found out he regularly rejected sex from her EPSECIALLY when she, herself wants it I'd laugh in his face and tell him to turn in his man card and he could get it back once he starts acting like a man and grows some balls.
> 
> Whenever I read women complaining about their men not wanting sex and they're under 40 I just think "W......T.......F?? Are these things even human, much less part of the male species??".
> 
> ...


Wow. That's a hell of a lot of judging, shaming and insulting you just dished out against men whom you don't understand.

Why is this such a hot button for you that you feel the need to belittle men with LD's?


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

What the f$%k is a man card?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

hawkeye said:


> What the f$%k is a man card?


its the proverbial card all men have unless they prove otherwise.



1)getting a boner is at the top of the list for most men.
2) having a job 
3) rasing a child or family
4)defending yourself or family


everybody has a list of what it constitutes what defines a man to them.

just like everybody has a list for women also.

and it varies for person to person.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

WOW!, now we know where our stereotype of being mindless, emotionless, screwing machines comes from? I'm sure the guys that really struggle with some emotional, psychological issue are feeling much better now?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm 47 and all I can say is that with each passing year it gets harder for me to get my little chubby properly hard. ED...sucks...azzz....

And I love sex. I could not imagine not making love to my woman at least three or four times a week. Life would not be worth living.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> its the proverbial card all men have unless they prove otherwise.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Add "winning arm wrestling tournaments" and "killing male lions with a sharp stick" to that list.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

woundedwarrior said:


> WOW!, now we know where our stereotype of being mindless, emotionless, screwing machines comes from? I'm sure the guys that really struggle with some emotional, psychological issue are feeling much better now?




no where did i mention any of the things you mentioned.:scratchhead:

do you consider raising a family mindless or perhaps defending one is mindless. or the fact that most men consider getting a boner important to have love and feel connected the their wife as important for emotional bonding


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> no where did i mention any of the things you mentioned.:scratchhead:
> 
> do you consider raising a family mindless or perhaps defending one is mindless. or the fact that most men consider getting a boner important to have love and feel connected the their wife as important for emotional bonding


Agreed. Except for the boner part. It does matter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

hawkeye said:


> What the f$%k is a man card?


It's apparently something that quasi-men carry on them to reassure themselves that they have it all together...but I most often see it used by 18-26 year olds living in their parents cellar...So I guess I missed my window to get one.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

SamuraiJack said:


> It's apparently something that quasi-men carry on them to reassure themselves that they have it all together...but I most often see it used by 18-26 year olds living in their parents cellar...So I guess I missed my window to get one.


I'd rather have a Batman utility belt. Wouldn't you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Marcus588 said:


> Browsing this forum it downright astounds me how many women are dating/married to men under 40 that are low drive. At first I couldn't believe it. What's the deal? Are they all secretly gay? I've known PLENTY of young men and I have never known a man with an attractive woman that would REJECT sex. I dunno, but I know if I ever did meet a man with an attractive wife/gf and I found out he regularly rejected sex from her EPSECIALLY when she, herself wants it I'd laugh in his face and tell him to turn in his man card and he could get it back once he starts acting like a man and grows some balls.


I remember reading some thread, and I think it might apply to men outside your age range, but I thought it was interesting. 

It was a thread started by a woman who said that sometimes, when wives and L/T gf's don't want sex, it isn't always us as men, but they just don't want it. 

And someone made a post about, how men, after getting rejected and rejected, just stop asking. And they build up resentment. 
So when the hormones hit the wife and they start wanting sex more and more, the boyfriend/husband finds more enjoyment in rejecting and turning their women down just like they were rejected and turned down years ago. Tit-for-tat. 

So...just saying. 


> Whenever I read women complaining about their men not wanting sex and they're under 40 I just think "W......T.......F?? Are these things even human, much less part of the male species??".
> 
> I guess it really gets me knowing that there are attractive women wasting times with these poor excuses of the male gender instead of getting with REAL men that know what being a man means and would happily jump their bones every chance they get.


Or maybe he has something he needs to do. Or is super stressed. 
Or has ED and is too embarrassed to ask his doctor about viagra. (Viagra, you can PM me for where to send the check for the advertising)

Or, and I am sure I will be flamed for this, but maybe the wife, isn't that hot. 
You are reading posts by women. 
I am willing to bet they will lie about their appearance. Maybe they gained a lot of weigh. Maybe they don't put any effort into their appearance. They never put on makeup. They never wear sexy lingerie to bed. 
Going to bed with no makeup, wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt, and wanting to get it on might not stimulate a man. 
Now flame away ladies 



> Ladies, word of advice: If you are with a man under 40 and try to be sexy/attractive with him and he rejects you, do not pass go, do not collect $200. Laugh in his face, and walk out the door while saying you're going to find a real man that isn't a disgrace to the male gender.


Does that mean I can do that to the female gender too? 
Oh, you don't want to have sex with me? Why not? I'm me! I'm a big deal!
Well, I am going down to the local bar to find the nearest woman that will be a woman and let me be a man and have sex. 


Dude, I think you have issues.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Old Chinese saying (obviously said by a woman) "a good man is hard to find, but a hard man is a good find". 

I remember when I was in my early 20s this old man (of Chinese ancestry) told me the key to keeping his wife happy, green tea. . I drink my green tea everyday and that means I don't have to resort to the blue pill at age 54. 

However, my real man card is the one that says I'm a father to my sons. Being a dad and raising my sons is the manliest thing I know that I can do. And, not just occupying space in their life, but really being there for them, not as their friend but as dad. My $0.02 worth of contribution to the "man card" mantra.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Man card Phptttt whatever.

FWIW When my Testosterone levels were bottomed out I still had twice the Drive my wife had. 

I guess is isn't always a symptom. I'm taking the T weekly because I want to keep my bones not my Man card.

MN


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> no where did i mention any of the things you mentioned.:scratchhead:
> 
> do you consider raising a family mindless or perhaps defending one is mindless. or the fact that most men consider getting a boner important to have love and feel connected the their wife as important for emotional bonding


Who said I was responding to anything you said? I'm talking about the original post. No problem with your list.


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

Can't breathe under the weight of all these gender stereotypes and expectations.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

richie33 said:


> We have had to deal with its that time of the month excuse for century's.


We women have had to deal with the reality (not an excuse) that there is a time of the month. 

It seems that most men will not engage in sex during that time. Yet it's a great time for sex because sex helps to relieve PMS. Best medicine there is.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

If there are health issues, trauma, or brief periods of reduced/no sex due to anything life sometimes throws at us, then no I do not think that makes them any less of a man. We are humans first.

But if it is just because they are lazy, taking it for granted, or using it as power or punishment, then I think I would definitely have to agree with the OP.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

meh. I grew up in a ******* town with all sorts of dumb ******* ideas about what it means to be a man. Like, picking fights with people who look at you sideways! Reallly manly there. Also, the only jobs that matter are in the woods or on the ocean. Oh boo hoo you work in an office? you might as well be on welfare!!!!!

I feel the most manly when I'm out with my kids I guess. Being willing to have tea parties with my daughter and not being embarassed. Or just knowing that if a motherloving grizzly bear ran out of the woods to attack my kids, he'd have quite a fight on his hands.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> We women have had to deal with the reality (not an excuse) that there is a time of the month.
> 
> It seems that most men will not engage in sex during that time. Yet it's a great time for sex because sex helps to relieve PMS. Best medicine there is.


Just like diet, smoking, stress and other factors ( not an excuse) contribute to why a man couldnt perform.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

what makes a man or a woman biologically is between their legs.

as for what's it means to be a man or a woman is up to the individual and their experiences through life. while there were some stereotypes mentioned to a lot of people that is indeed part of being a man. the easy part mostly. And as you grow and mature you add and subtract things for the list and its a work in progress at least for me.

in my first response I mentioned some things that I do feel for me are essential to ME to feel like a man. as Bandit point out the bonner part could have offended some that was not my intention but I think I would and most men who have problems regarding bonners feel less of a man. 

I would like to add to the list dealing with adversity. as I feel this might be the most manly trait of all!

how a man deal with something like ED could really define him as more manly that any of the already mentioned.

I already altered my dealing with adversity requirement.......to

dealing with adversity with intelligence, kindness, and though fullness to those around him.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> Or, and I am sure I will be flamed for this, but maybe the wife, isn't that hot.
> You are reading posts by women.
> I am willing to bet they will lie about their appearance. Maybe they gained a lot of weigh. Maybe they don't put any effort into their appearance. They never put on makeup. They never wear sexy lingerie to bed.
> Going to bed with no makeup, wearing sweat pants and a sweat shirt, and wanting to get it on might not stimulate a man.
> Now flame away ladies


For the most part, I agree with you. I won't "flame" you for the above, but I do know there are men who prefer no makeup. Maybe some lie, maybe they don't. And some, like me, never get dolled up... never have. And their men are, or were, attracted to them because they weren't afraid to let them see the real thing from the beginning. It happens. 

As for wearing makeup to bed... I honestly don't know anyone who does this. I know some who USED to, because they were too exhausted at the end of the day to wash it off. Not a pretty picture when they wake up.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

"Man Card" sounds like something out of a Doritos commercial.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"in the days of my youth, I was telling what it means to be a man.
Now I've reached that age where I try to do all those things the best I can". Jimmy page/Robert Plant


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

If wanting sex all the time is what it means to be a man, I was a man when I was 13.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

John Lee said:


> If wanting sex all the time is what it means to be a man, I was a man when I was 13.


and if not wanting sex and not caring about your partners sexual satisfaction is what a mans is then hmmmmm


its not the only thing but in my opinion it should be up there on the list


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> I do like how when men can't perform sexually there's always "job stress" as the reason, but female issues related to stress or emotions aren't as well tolerated by male posters. Hmm.


Except standard advice to men who's wife is not wanting to have sex...is to do more for her...to reduce her stress and workload. Hmmm.

As to the initial point...my ex wife was gorgeous, and loved sex...wanted it all the time. I didn't have sex with her for the last four years of our marriage...not because I had no desire...I just had no desire for her, regardless of how she looked. She is diagnosed NPD.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

John Lee said:


> "Man Card" sounds like something out of a Doritos commercial.


Yeah. Or something a guy who grows a beard and then won't shut the f$%k up about his beard would say. Or a guy who still uses the term "man cave". Or a guy who still thinks Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious.

Man card. Good god.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

hawkeye said:


> Yeah. Or something a guy who grows a beard and then won't shut the f$%k up about his beard would say. Or a guy who still uses the term "man cave". Or a guy who still thinks Chuck Norris jokes are hilarious.
> 
> Man card. Good god.


Or the over 40 guy, wearing his high school letterman jacket, who still regails audiences with his heroics as his high schools third string quarterback...


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Broken at 20 said:


> ................
> Or, and I am sure I will be flamed for this, but maybe the wife, isn't that hot.
> You are reading posts by women.
> I am willing to bet they will lie about their appearance. Maybe they gained a lot of weigh. Maybe they don't put any effort into their appearance. They never put on makeup. They never wear sexy lingerie to bed.
> ...


Yeah right on dude 

Shows how little you know about the topic. Can tell you that I could easily have a new man each week so I am not a frumpy woman. I keep myself very well and yes love sexy lingerie.
Funny how you blame the woman instead of the man. I can tell you in my marriage I was not the problem when it came to his low drive. I was to blame for other things but not being sexy enough was not one of them.

It is unevolved to think that all it takes is a sexy woman and all men will want sex. It is degrading to both genders to suggest so. 

Not all men are the same and it is damaging to both men and women to perpetuate such a incorrect notion.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Maricha75 said:


> For the most part, I agree with you. I won't "flame" you for the above, but I do know there are men who prefer no makeup. Maybe some lie, maybe they don't. And some, like me, never get dolled up... never have. And their men are, or were, attracted to them because they weren't afraid to let them see the real thing from the beginning. It happens.
> 
> As for wearing makeup to bed... I honestly don't know anyone who does this. I know some who USED to, because they were too exhausted at the end of the day to wash it off. Not a pretty picture when they wake up.


As I get older (48) I'm finding my arousal is far more focussed on touch as opposed to the visual.

In my twenties a hot girl could walk near me and I'd get hard now that never happens.

Same way with my wife, I love looking at her and it does put sex in my head but doesn't really do much for the erection potential.

However, the feel of her skin, her hands on me, the way she kisses, her breath in my ear.

That gets me going where as the visual is very ....meh in that regard.


EDIT: 
Don't misunderstand me, I find my wife hot as hell. All 5 foot 100lbs of her wonderfully sculpted little body.

It's just the way my body reacts now, Doesn't matter how hot the woman is she's not getting a rise out of me through the visual.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> what makes a man or a woman biologically is between their legs.


Two of the three things down there on a guy emit brain altering hormones. Ones that are very powerful.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

To be clear, Holland and tacoma, the parts I agreed with Broken at 20 about were regarding the other things that could be physically wrong with a man when it comes to sexual desire, etc. I totally disagree with his assessment that those of us who don't get as much as we would like must have let ourselves go or any of the other things he said. Oh, but I did agree that Marcus needs help. He really does. 

My 33 year old husband was diagnosed with low testosterone and has been getting injections. We're dealing with it, together. So for someone to come on here, the way Marcus did, and say that men like my husband are not men because he's not having sex with me as much as I would like... well, it should make Marcus glad that you can't punch people through the internet. I totally would do that. We have our issues in that department right now. But thanks to the help of a few people on here (you know who you are), we're getting through it. For that, I thank them (even if we don't always agree on everything lol). 

Anyway, my point. Yes, Broken, you are clueless. Marcus... there really is no nice way to say what I think of your premise.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Howdy Maricha  The part that annoyed me with the post was the accusation that women here are lying about their appearance. He has no clue.

I fully agree that if a spouse lets themselves go, man or woman, then there can be an issue with that.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

There's many comments here that had me nodding in agreement. 

This topic hits close to home for me, as our sex-life was the indicator of other sh*t happening. My ego boarded this roller coaster ride with the finger of blame pointing firmly outside myself and a stereo-type to lean on in support of that blame. That's where I was at.

My husband went to the doctor. His T-levels were on the lower end of normal. We went to counseling. Yes, he had issues from his upbringing to deal with. And yes, he had some resentment towards me as well. He began working on that for himself. What I didn't anticipate discovering through this, was the sh*t that I had to own that was impacting us. It was a loop we needed to break individually, as well as together. Communication being the main component in this. It wasn't easy to turn things around. After the initial discomfort, facing parts of yourself becomes easier, and the raw discussions become safer and from a place of trust again rather than blame. We are not only more aware of each others' needs again but also willing and able to meet those needs. 

While my husband responds visually to me and does like the tease of lingerie, he (like Tacoma) increasingly responds to touch and intimacy. I've become more aware of how much we touch, and of how much he touches me... both sexually and non. We recently celebrated 20 years together. I surprised him with a massage table for us, the instrument of touch, which was also a positive nod to our early days. He surprised me with arranging a day off work so we could spend the day together.

My husband took responsibility for what was happening in his life that was impacting us. I did the same. No doubt we have more to learn and are learning on a daily basis together but that's just part of this life thing. It's not about having a man-card or a utility-belt. It is about moving forward though.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> We women have had to deal with the reality (not an excuse) that there is a time of the month.
> 
> It seems that most men will not engage in sex during that time. Yet it's a great time for sex because sex helps to relieve PMS. Best medicine there is.


Judging by my wifes initial reluctance then comment after I took her in the shower early on in our relationship, your most men comment seems to be accurate. Not this man, as long as you don't mind an occasional winking /smirking / humorous comment about the possible crime scene afterwards I'm game


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> We women have had to deal with the reality (not an excuse) that there is a time of the month.
> 
> It seems that most men will not engage in sex during that time. Yet it's a great time for sex because sex helps to relieve PMS. Best medicine there is.


And it's not limited to just men. I have ZERO interest in having sex at that time. None. It may be the "best medicine" for you, but as has been pointed out SO many times... we're not all the same. (Yet another sexual thing my husband and I agreed on from the start... what are the odds?  )


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> We women have had to deal with the reality (not an excuse) that there is a time of the month.
> 
> It seems that most men will not engage in sex during that time. Yet it's a great time for sex because sex helps to relieve PMS. Best medicine there is.


Sex during that time of the month is great because it does so much for pms, cramps, and other symptoms. It's been great for my horrible cramps I get every month, as I have endometriosis. Luckily my husband has never had an issue with it , although I know of and have heard of many men who won't do anything during that time of the month. 

With that said, there is more to being a man than just sex. We've had issues with him turning me down for sex, among other issues, and we're always trying to work on those issues. There are things both of us have had to work on and we're slowly but surely making progress. Is he less of a man because of it, no. We're human, we're learning and growing.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I don't wear makeup as a policy, don't own sexy lingerie, and frequently wear sweats to bed.

I still seem to have more sex on average than many a TAM poster. So ...


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Holland said:


> Yeah right on dude
> 
> Shows how little you know about the topic. Can tell you that I could easily have a new man each week so I am not a frumpy woman. I keep myself very well and yes love sexy lingerie.
> Funny how you blame the woman instead of the man. I can tell you in my marriage I was not the problem when it came to his low drive. I was to blame for other things but not being sexy enough was not one of them.
> ...


It was simply an observation. 
And I didn't say all women or wives weren't as sexy as they make themselves out to be online. It was simply a possible reason behind young men not having any drive to have sex with their wives. 

And yes. 
I didn't bring up the fact that the lack of sex could be because a man is 50-100 lbs. overweight, and hasn't seen his manhood in years. And he can't perform as a man simply because the blood can't reach down there anymore because there is too much fat in the way. 
Or maybe he has built up rage and aggression from his childhood that he never dealt with, that caused him to not trust people and he resent his partner for loving him because he feels like he can't be loved. And in this messed up head of his, he refuses to have sex because he believes he can't be loved, so he keeps his distance. And his partner is pushed away, and shows less love to him. Therefore, when they divorce, he feels less of a shock because he was subconsciously preparing himself for it. 
Man, I should have been a psychologist. 

Anyway, I probably should have mentioned that in the first post. Oops.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> It was simply a possible reason behind young men not having any drive to have sex with their wives.


Wives gaining weight and getting "frumpy" is honestly a new thing?

Have you ever seen pictures of what Queen Victoria looked like before and after marriage?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Why should any man give a damn what other dudes think about how often he wants to use his penis?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

there have been many times in my life where sex was the last thing on my mind. 

oh well. i never picked up a man card on my way out of middle school, so i guess i have nothing to lose.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

richie33 said:


> Just like diet, smoking, stress and other factors ( not an excuse) contribute to why a man couldnt perform.


I'm really glad stress stress doesn't do that to me.

I'm nearing the finish of a $10 million project. I was already stressed... and then a coworker effed up his part of the presentation in front of upper management. He basically called me and the project manager liars.

He's not fired... at least yet. If he was the cause of mycox-a-flopping I'd take him out back and kick his ass.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

only if hes not trying to rectify it by going to the doctor.


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## Cabsy (Mar 25, 2013)

So a man must essentially be a s*** to keep their man card? Real men bully or belittle people who they don't conform to their vision of masculinity. Real men think there's mega alpha, and only beta, and nothing else or in between. "Grab yer pitchfork! This one's probably a gay fer not wantin' sex anytime, every time! He probably even has feelings & sitch!!"

Sex drives, sexual dysfunction, relationship dynamics, and seeking compatibility in those areas between willing partners is not always easy or cut & dry. That's why the (no) sex in marriage forum is second only to the sex outside of marriage forum in terms of activity. It can be a complex and sensitive issue, and it isn't solved by digitally castrating and tarring/feathering a man.

I think it's men who can't see past their own manhood and testosterone levels who give men a bad name, and quite often in my experience, their own sexuality isn't as black/white/awesome as they put forth (which can help explain some of their behavior).

I probably don't belong in your club, seeing as I have a different view of what being a real man is all about (and it doesn't involve when/where/what I poke with the end of my penis). I guess I get to keep my man card, though, because I've already been laid today... and I'm ready for more! :smthumbup:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Cabsy said:


> So a man must essentially be a s*** to keep their man card? Real men bully or belittle people who they don't conform to their vision of masculinity. Real men think there's mega alpha, and only beta, and nothing else or in between. "Grab yer pitchfork! This one's probably a gay fer not wantin' sex anytime, every time! He probably even has feelings & sitch!!"
> 
> Sex drives, sexual dysfunction, relationship dynamics, and seeking compatibility in those areas between willing partners is not always easy or cut & dry. That's why the (no) sex in marriage forum is second only to the sex outside of marriage forum in terms of activity. It can be a complex and sensitive issue, and it isn't solved by digitally castrating and tarring/feathering a man.
> 
> ...


sounds like a humble brag to me especially with your ending statement.

just proves the whole point. and i think to the vast majority of men being able to have frequent sex and desire your wife is manly. weather society put too much emphasis on it is irrelevant.

now if your a real man and your still ready for more you would go get some more instead of talking about.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

My sex drive is all good, yet I've turned down sex. I've turned it down with women who wanted a serious relationship because my accepting it would have been misleading given that knowledge. I've turned it to avoid a spate of stress/anxiety-related ED I had once upon a time. I've turned down sex when I've felt the offer to be a form of manipulation. After feeling neglected for an extensive period by my EW, I began rejecting sex and even bjs, out of my resentment for her. I didn't want to please her or be pleased by her. I wanted her to feel the cold, bizzare normalcy that I felt.

There are many reasons a man will say no to sex. A man who can't say no to sex doesn't have a "man card" either... where I come from we call that being p*ssy whipped or desperate.


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## Hopelessus (Oct 29, 2014)

I think if you have to initiate every time then its time to look into why.
This is addressing both men and women.


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