# It's been six years



## darticus32 (Dec 26, 2008)

To all who reads this I'm looking for advice. My wife and I have been married for 14 years. We are the perfect match except for the sex area. I want it everyday, she doesn't care if we have it ever again. Six years ago my wife told me she had been cheating on me with several guys and it was just sex. I later learned that a few were repeat offenders. I couldn't understand that how someone who doesn't like sex so much, could do that. The sex for us during that time was better, later found out that was why. She had done things for those and during the time when that was going on for me as well, but once it came to light, she stopped. Keep in my I'm looking for advice and opinions. We are very happy today, but. She wants to get past what had happened and is very remorseful for what happened. My problem is when she told me back then for me to accept what had happened I needed to hear details, the dirty details, and usually during intamacy. so I would spin it in my mind and be able to handle it better. Problem is here we are six years later and I still feel like that is owed to me and she wants to get past it. This is our argument and it doesn't change. So when she doesn't talk about it I can't help but get uspet and feel diappointed. Am I wrong for wanting to keep twisting this so I can handle it?


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## mom876 (Nov 15, 2008)

You want to keep hearing the intimate details of her affairs while you are having sex with her? after its been over for 6 yrs? 

I think you need to move past this. Do the details get you excited and make the lovemaking experience better for you? I am surprised that she has went along with this for so long.


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

It's been 6 years! Yes, I believe you are wrong to keep bringing it up. I would have never given you details during our intimate moments...let alone for 6 years. You are not moving past it, you are still wallowing in it. And you are dragging your wife along with you every time. You have to stop bringing it up like that. If you still need help in getting past her wrongs, you must find another way to do it. And perhaps since you are still not handling it after 6 years you two should seek counseling.


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## Wyst (Dec 27, 2008)

Here's the thing - to keep bringing it up is like voyerism of the mind - like you want to watch your wife in your mind with someone else for your pleasure. This is a bit like using your wife as a porn star in your mind. Now - on one hand a bit of imagination is great for your sex life, however in this case, I think it might be leaving your wife feeling cheap and used. This might be one reason why she's not too keen on sleeping with you at the moment.

Two things to consider - when you say you are doing this to help YOU cope - what is it you are trying to cope with? Are you still angry? Are you maybe "punishing" your wife by doing this without realising it?
Or are you just using the "coping" thing as an excuse to hear the details again for you own pleasure?

It took a lot of courage to come here and ask for help. It's going to take courage to look inside yourself and be honest about what is making you do this. 

One thing that might be helpful is to try and imagine yourself in your wife's place and think how you would feel and what you would want if you were her.


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