# My story



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

This is really long and not really about asking for help, I just want to bear my soul.

It started more than 15yrs ago, I did as we all do, I met a girl who I liked and she liked me, we went on a few dates and when I asked her out and wanted to become exclusive she hesitated but turned me down, cue much sadness as we were good and close friends from the outset for a couple of years.

Fast forward a month and for some reason her older sister became interested in me, not looking for anything much serious I just went along for the ride and the sex, I know, shallow. The girl was actually very upset that I was now dating her sister but I didn't care at that point as she had her chance and blew it.

Jump another 5 or 6 months and I was actually tiring of my relationship and my many discussions about how things were going for me in it were falling on deaf ears, she had no interest in what I had to say and it was how she wanted or cue A-hole mode for the rest of the day/week/month, I had no intention of doing anything other than seeing how things went and it was after her ruining Valentines day for me that I decided that I would giver her until Easter to work out if this was working or not.

Bombshell time, end of Feb she announced that she had become pregnant even though on birth control, instant horror inside and then a massive soul search for a week as I didn't want to have kids yet and certainly not at a point in a relationship where I was thinking it was time to move on.

I tried several times to talk to her in a rational and reasonable manner about what the future held and that perhaps we were better in the long run not to have a baby together, that was met with extreme anger that I could even consider her having an abortion, yes I did actually think it was best solution given the circumstances.

Now a bit of back ground, I come from a broken home, my parents had a very violent and destructive marriage, there was infidelity on both sides and my parents were both the OM and OW until they got caught and set up home, my father was a serial adulterer and had many OW over the years they were together and after their separation my mother preferred the FWB situation as she didn't want a full on relationship but needed comfort, just a shame the FWB just happened to be married also, but there you go.

So I know what broken homes are like and was torn to pieces about having a child and only being a part time parent, I sought advice from siblings, who told me I should stay and work things out for the child, I consulted my friends who did the same and made me feel as though I was a fool to even consider bailing when she was pregnant and that I should be the happiest man alive about to be a father.

The whole time the younger sister is there in the background, we had a good friendship and shared many of our more private thoughts, she actually told me that I should do what I thought was the right thing, whether it was staying with her sister or leaving and becoming the part time parent it didn't matter as long as I was happy.

I went along with the whole give it your best and make it work philosophy, I took up hobbies and tried to be a good father and SO, but the only way I could actually make anything work was to take a position in a company that saw me working away from home as a traveling machine driver, that way I was all that I needed to be but for only one and a half days in the week, at first it was the answer to my prayers, I could do this, it was easy, three or four texts a day and 15mins on the phone at night, happy me, or so I thought, we carried on like this for around 4yrs, I was good and faithful and never strayed up until a point.

The point in time I am referring to is when my SO decided to take up the same hobby as her younger sister, horses, so she bought a horse but she was too lazy to muck out the stables and do the things properly and put it on her sister to do it in the week and then lumbered me with it at the weekends, and that was when it went wrong in my head, I was then spending a lot of time with the younger sister, we reminisced about our friendship through the years and laughed heartily at some of the things we did together as friends.

I got lost, I mean, really lost as I was not 100% happy at home and used work to escape and suddenly I am rekindling that friendship though not exactly by choice but because I had to do chores to keep SO happy and off my case, those feeling I had years before were coming back as the weeks passed and I actually began to look forward to the weekends, spending time with the younger sister working at the stable yard and having a laugh.

On numerous occasions we were accused of having an affair, but at that point we were not and although we had entered a very much unknown EA with each other we were young and thought affairs were only such if sex was involved, how little did we know, I was having real troubles and found myself becoming depressed by the situation, I started losing weight with the new stress, and it was all in my head, I tried my hardest not to think about her and just concentrated on my family but we were thrust together so often and certainly not by our own choices as, once we had discovered that there was a problem we did our best to avoid each other for a while.

The thrusting of me and the younger sister came almost from the outset, you see, my then SO did not want to eat in public, she would never attend work functions or dinners, going out partying or clubbing was totally out of the question and she would always send her younger sister with me, my work colleagues were stunned that I was sent out with another woman on my arm for a night of drinking and eating, this was an enormous problem later on as the younger sister did virtually replace my SO as she spent so much time with me and doing stuff that we both liked to do, it was all too easy for us to form attachments to each other.

I was having a real hard time one week and got drunk with some pals in a pub, I was chatting to a girl about her broken down car and offered to help her by fixing it as a charity gift, well I had my first taste of a woman who was not my SO nor her sister, I was still a bit tipsy from the night before and so was she, it was me ringing the doorbell and her answering in her PJs, her putting kettle on me flirting and then before the kettle had boiled I was having sex with her on her kitchen table, her name was Angela, she was my first affair, the only one I care to remember, it was my relationship with her that stopped me ruining my family at that point, but she tired of being the OW and we parted on good terms, but I was hungry, I was hungry for a means of stopping my wanton desire for the younger sister, and so spawned more than 80 new affairs, ONSs FWB the list went on, and for more than a year I was practically screwing anything with a pulse.

I had a mini melt down, all week long I would be screwing other women and I had to stop as I was getting uncontrollable urges with women too close to home, I stopped, I played happy families and get over myself for a few months, right up until SOs younger sister had a fight with her parents and ended up moving in with us, really bad news that, and so comes a second part to my story, it's late and I have work in the morning, feel free to judge me but there is a lot more to come.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well you don't want advice so consider yourself bared since that's what you did want to do. 

I have always thought it was particularly icky to sleep with siblings. Do the sisters hate eachother? Is the sister you were first with awkward around you guys? 

Just wondering.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

Jellybeans said:


> Well you don't want advice so consider yourself bared since that's what you did want to do.
> 
> I have always thought it was particularly icky to sleep with siblings. *Do the sisters hate eachother?* Is the sister you were first with awkward around you guys?
> 
> Just wondering.


The older sister hates on her younger sister, but you might say with good reason when you get to read the rest tomorrow.

Was she awkward, to begin with yes, and when she realized she had deeper feelings she had a real hard time, jsut like I did.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

The younger sister moved into our spare room, and things were ok, but I had no means of escape when things got hot under my collar, only staying at work that weekend and excusing myself by making work to do, but we both allowed one another to get closer, I found myself falling in love with her and it was easy to see she felt the same.

One fateful Saturday night I made the mistake of asking her if she wanted coffee when she got up at 5am to go to work and she just replied "that might be nice" and smiled.

4.45am I am wide awake and sneaking off down stairs to make coffee, I opened her room door and I think you can guess the rest, I not proud of my actions, they were those of sin and lust, my SO was asleep in bed right above us but I had not a care in the world, I was in love with this woman and I was in her bed.

The initial foray over and dressed she went to work and I had chores to do, it was without doubt the most nerve racking morning of my life, I was actually overcome with guilt, I had a real sense that I was about to make a tremendous mistake and the sad thing is, I didn't care, I wanted her so bad, I felt so strongly that nothing was getting in my way.

This first episode carried on for a couple months, she moved down the yard to my old working away caravan and had set up home in there, I was leaving home early on a Sunday night to go to work and in reality I was just driving round the back of our village and sneaking into my own garden to be with her, I even traveled back 120 miles on a Wednesday night each week to be with her and then back to work in the morning, just those few precious hours to hold her was what I needed more than the air I could breathe, so strong was my desire and feelings for her.

The next bit is too hard to write tonight, I have trouble coming to terms with what happened entirely but I will tell all when I feel I can.


----------



## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

What happened next?

very curious of this story in more ways than one!


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

These sisters are witches. But I have a problem trying to keep up with which witch is which ?


----------



## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

And then you told your wife and she decided to open up the marriage as a triad and you all had a threesome and lived happily ever after?

What happened?


----------



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Bad novel. Keep your day job dude.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

*OMG*, this *exact* same thing happened on "All My Children" back somewhere in the mid 90's. Man I *love* Susan Lucci, but she can be a real b!tch! Wait until you see what happens next! I hope no one gets shot like on the show, that would be a real downer.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Dear god these stories keep getting worse and worse


----------



## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Too much sex bro. Try celibacy. It's working for me.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

> I was hungry for a means of stopping my wanton desire for the younger sister, and so spawned more than 80 new affairs, ONSs FWB the list went on, and for more than a year I was practically screwing anything with a pulse.


Tell us about all 80 of them.

You made love to 80 women to deaden your feelings for the little sister and it didn't work.


----------



## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

LongWalk said:


> Tell us about all 80 of them.
> 
> You made love to 80 women to deaden your feelings for the little sister and it didn't work.


"Dear Penthouse Forum- I NEVER thought I would be writing to you........"

Danger_mouse, ignore the haters. TAM is a place of sharing, and I for one sincerely want you to confront the awful pain that is the next part of your story and endure the agony that typing it out and posting it will cause you.

While it may be excruciatingly uncomfortable, I have to think that you will feel a sense of closure and release from walking through this personal inferno.

And, yeah, detailed accounts of all 80 affairs using lots of descriptive language will also help. My preference is that you give the most detail on those affairs between you and women, but if you want to go into detail about the ones with other guys, well, okay.


----------



## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Ooops, perhaps I should have just sent a PM to encourage him to continue to share?

Please play nicely boys and girls, there are a lot of reasons why WSs are not so common in this forum, because we hunt them down and blow them up and often without knowing their full stories.

Please continue to post dm, I have no idea what it would be like to have to deal with your feelings and emotions, I am guessing a very screwy childhood will not have helped though.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Bad novel. Keep your day job dude.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


When you know the full story of my life and how this all panned out then feel free to judge, this is a true story unfortunately and many people were badly affected by the choices I made, it actually gets a whole lot worse, in a sense I completely lost my mind.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

No one that likes Danger Mouse can be all bad. Sounds like you had to many sidekicks though...............


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

It was over a 2 and a half month period that our affair bloomed and it was those final weeks that I found it the hardest to cope and fathom out where the hell this was going, I took a note from my past and wrote poems describing how I felt inside, it was those poems that, once written and out there on paper some how soothed my troubled mind, it was the height of summer and as I lay on the South Downs watching the sun setting between the downs over the river Arun I was a very lost soul, a troubled mind and a heart torn into a million pieces.

I lost more than a stone in weight and I barely ate and lay awake trying to workout the way forward, I never wanted to hurt anyone, I kind of, wanted the world to open up and swallow me whole so I didn't have to try and deal with the situation I had put myself in.

(as some of you are struggling with which sister is which I will call the younger sister Lucy and the older sister Jenifer)

Both Lucy and I were loosing our spark in our affair due the guilt kicking in, although we still needed each other and text all day, spoke for hours at night I knew we needed to make a choice, but I just didn't know how to say it, I didn't want to put pressure on her to choose one way or the other, I just didn't want to do anything to risk loosing her, selfish, I know.

What came next was the most traumatic experience of my life, it lasted for almost 3yrs and it has forever changed who I am.

It was the discovery of me and Lucy at the bottom of the garden by Jenifer.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I'm torn. Not sure what I want you to post next - some of your poems or the next chapter in your story.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Danger, do you have a publisher?

And when in the world did you find time to *b*ng 80 different women* without your wife finding out? That's a lot of time spent in the barn. I feel sorry for the obviously neglected horses.

I'm glad you got it off your chest, but I'm really not buying it.

But please do post some of your poetry...


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

80 women?? That's it? You must mean just over 6 months or something.


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

danger_mouse said:


> When you know the full story of my life and how this all panned out then feel free to judge, this is a true story unfortunately and many people were badly affected by the choices I made, it actually gets a whole lot worse, in a sense I completely lost my mind.


Ok Danger. But I think you really need to take this to a shrink. Discussing it with complete strangers on the internet probably won't help you gain any introspection or improve your lot.

Sorry for your troubles... If you have truly lost your mind, you should probably be on psych meds. We, unfortunately, can't help you with that.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> Ok Danger. But I think you really need to take this to a shrink. Discussing it with complete strangers on the internet probably won't help you gain any introspection or improve your lot.
> 
> Sorry for your troubles... *If you have truly lost your mind, you should probably be on psych meds.* We, unfortunately, can't help you with that.


LOL :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

I am about as sane as any other man on this god given earth these days.

No, I don' self medicate with booze or illicit substances either, been sober for over six years now.

I actually wanted to share my story as that of the wayward that I became, the reason why I became a wayward, the rather interesting and very random actions I took, and my reactions to situations that now, in my current mind set, would be met with some rather choice words and or possibly rather a lack of.

Also, I read a lot here before I joined and felt I wanted to tell my own life experiences, I saw a lot of newly betrayed spouses pretending it was much less than they had seen, burying their heads under the covers wishing it was back like it was and they were blissful in the bubble, I *KNOW* how far things can get before anyone notices anything out the ordinary, this is kind of a post about making others aware of how deep the rivers run and how they will oh so often never know the full depths of the betrayals they are faced with, I don't care, this is history for me, I have been honest with myself and with everyone around me, take me or leave me the f*** alone.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

All those affairs are dangerous. Get tested for STDs. And HIV.

And please seek counselling for your addictive behaviour.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Folks, if you want to: "Call people out in public" please don't be too shocked if you get banned.

The report button's there for a reason.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I'm torn. Not sure what I want you to post next - some of your poems or the next chapter in your story.


On an eve such as this,
My mind should be joyful,
contented in bliss.

But it is not,
for my heart is for another,
that I wish to hold and to smother.

As I sit here right now,
I want never to return home and simply to take a bow,
to be there again with such turmoil and pain,
in my head I begin to wonder if I am sane?

If I could tell her how I feel,
would she risk her heart on this one time deal?

I don't want them to hurt,
but I know the end this will bring about,
so now I need to find my way out.

I wrote that sitting on the South Downs overlooking Arundel castle.


----------



## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

You don't love anyone but yourself. You are kidding yourself if you think you love anyone.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Folks, if you want to: "Call people out in public" please don't be too shocked if you get banned.
> 
> The report button's there for a reason.


I am not looking to upset anyone here and if it pleases all around here then all of this can be deleted.

This is not about stiring up the hurt and pain but sharing what has happened in my life as a result of my infidelities.

Oh and MattMatt, I was tested many times, clean as a whistle every time, thank you for your concerns regarding that, been in a monogamous relationship for 6yrs now and as long as she aint messing around then I should be A OK


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

TurtleRun said:


> You don't love anyone but yourself. You are kidding yourself if you think you love anyone.


People from badly broken, very dysfunctional homes don't always do "normal" particularly well.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

TurtleRun said:


> You don't love anyone but yourself. You are kidding yourself if you think you love anyone.


How can you say that?

Think you need to chilax on the judgementals..


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

So, did you smother her?

(This certainly would account for trauma and paralyzing guilt.)


----------



## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> Folks, if you want to: "Call people out in public" please don't be too shocked if you get banned.
> 
> The report button's there for a reason.


Exactly. 

Now, please note that I am not offering an opinion on anything here. I just need a little help stitching two statements made by the OP in this thread together. 

Danger_mouse 04-21-2014, 6:30 PM

it's late and I have work in the morning, *feel free to judge me* but there is a lot more to come

Danger_mouse 05-02-2014, 6:06 PM

Think you need to chilax on the judgementals..


Separately from that, I find the author's statement that he had relations with approximately 80 women over the course of a year to be, well, fascinating.

According to this study by the CDC (which is US-centric, but the UK can't be orders of magnitude different), danger_mouse is in the rarefied top 0.4% of "how many women did you have sex with" for that year. To, ahem, qualify for this tier, you have to have had sex with 6.8 or more women in the preceding 12 months (and the survey was taken around 2002, which is close to when this was occurring), which, with 80 partners, has to place him at pretty much the tippy top end of the category.

Link: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nhsr/nhsr036.pdf

I draw these observations from the chart on page 15 of the study.

Anyway, that's all I got, but I would appreciate some clarification from danger_mouse on whether we can judge him yet or not. Because I certainly wouldn't want to judge him without permission, and its now unclear whether that's been given or not.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

Not sure if many here are familliar with the party and club scenes in some of the bigger metropolitain cities of the UK?

Promiscuity is a given and I was in that scene for a number of years, it really was not uncommon to have sex with 2 or more women in a weekends partying, also when there is a lot of drink to be had there can be some rather spur of the moment group sex goings on at after party chilling sessions at hotels and other peoples houses.

I know for many this will be a whole new world and an eye opener but if you think that every one else works the 9 to 5 and goes home to watch Corrie and Eastenders then guess again.

Not to mention date nights with women in the week who were not part of that scene.

If you want you can by all means judge me, but I have become a person who prefers to know the facts before I label, tar and feather. Just refrain from getting too excited, you'll get banned and I just skip the greusome name calling as it makes my sides hurt laughing.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Thank you for your poem that was beautiful. You have a talent for writing. You should publish a blog, if you haven't already. Or at least apply for a staff writing job at Eastenders 


I wrote that while sitting in my bathroom, overlooking the neighbor'a pool.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

danger_mouse said:


> Not sure if many here are familliar with the party and club scenes in some of the bigger metropolitain cities of the UK?
> 
> Promiscuity is a given and I was in that scene for a number of years, it really was not uncommon to have sex with 2 or more women in a weekends partying, also when there is a lot of drink to be had there can be some rather spur of the moment group sex goings on at after party chilling sessions at hotels and other peoples houses.
> 
> ...


umm you do realize this is an international forum right? Half wouldn't have a clue what Corrie or Eastenders is.

What exactly is your point? To antagonize people?

Farewell to you. Out.


----------



## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

BobSimmons said:


> umm you do realize this is an international forum right? Half wouldn't have a clue what Corrie or Eastenders is.


They could try google? I did


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

wranglerman said:


> They could try google? I did


UK Soap opera. 6000 episodes. I plan on binge watching this weekend. Or write some poems.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sthsthzhen (May 3, 2014)

This is really long and not really about asking for help,


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm confused... You mentioned that it was late and you had to work in the morning...I didn't figure you to be a 9 to 5 kind of guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

He's so torn up he can't finish his story. Poor little guy.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I, for one, am not judging, DM.

I know that you are just contributing to the TAM commonweal. You're offering your experience so that others can benefit. You want to be a guiding light. I get it.

As the world has turned in my life, I, too, experienced the thrill of being young and restless. And later, after I overcame some of my debilitating shyness, I knew what it was like to be bold and beautiful. Now that I am older, I know that I was nothing special. I was just a fading footprint in the sands of time. And we all know, like sand in the hourglass, so go the days of our lives - of your life, of my life.

I, too, want to give something back. Like you, I know that it is futile to ask for whom the bell tolls. I know that it tolls for me. And you, DM. You, too.


----------



## 12345Person (Dec 8, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> He's so torn up he can't finish his story. Poor little guy.


The last time someone posted their story in bits, they were found out to be a troll.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

Not one of your trolls.

I have a life and at this time in it I am working very long hours and have at the moment very little free time to delve deep into the past to bring my full history to bare, I figured it would have been easier to tell a group of anonymous strangers in a place where infidelity is such a common theme, guess not.

I found a place here at TAM where you pounce like tigers at the waywards, you snarl and growl as scorned cats do, I understand that, but I also always find that there is only advice given to betrayed spouses, but you never seem to ask questions, you never try to dig a little deeper to discover more.

Suppose that is why many of you are here, lacking imagination, flair and passion, I came to share part of my life that a great many of you waywards might understand, but it might help those newly betrayed members open their eyes to a potential reality that what they know is just a snippet, just as Jenifer was to find out after our getting caught at the bottom of the garden.

I might find time for more later tonight but then again, will have to think about whether or not my experiences would help anyone here?


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

danger_mouse said:


> I might find time for more later tonight but then again, will have to think about whether or not my experiences would help anyone here?


Don't bother, they don't help anyone but you. At best. And asuming they are actual experiences.

If the "message" is what-you-found-out-is-not-more-than-the-tip-of-the-iceberg, then again don't bother. We already know. We insist to tell it to all freshly wounded betrayed spouses here, we encourage to gather intel, we give the snooping tools to get it, we are aware of the "cheating code", the minimization, the damage control, we warn about "gaslighting", we have acronyms (TT, DDay2,3), we have a whole jargon, poeple forces their WS to take poligraphs, we deal with it everyday, we even have funny pictures to post about it.
Nobody needs the minutiae of your scapades.
Seriously.

At best you are just bragging. Not useful at all.


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

_"Crumbs!"_


----------



## TurtleRun (Oct 18, 2013)

danger_mouse said:


> How can you say that?
> 
> Think you need to chilax on the judgementals..


You had 80 affairs. That is insane and you are/were sleeping with your wife's sister. How cold hearted can someone get? You said feel free to judge you and I did. Don't get upset because I did exactly as you said. 

Also not coming back to this thread. Bring back memories of one of my parents cheating.


----------



## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

There was me wanting this to reach a climax and for us to get to know more but seems DM has been side tracked by the comments here and forgotten why he wanted to post in the beginning?

If you do come back, do yourself a massive favor and write your story to the end and let us know what happened, I am quite intrigued by it all genuinely, it is "history" so it happened and is not likely to change the path or course of anyone else' life, so just get on with it man.

Pray let there be some sort of happy ending?????


----------



## davecarter (Aug 15, 2013)

wranglerman said:


> There was me wanting this to reach a climax and for us to get to know more but seems DM has been side tracked by the comments here and forgotten why he wanted to post in the beginning?
> 
> If you do come back, do yourself a massive favor and write your story to the end and let us know what happened, I am quite intrigued by it all genuinely, it is "history" so it happened and is not likely to change the path or course of anyone else' life, so just get on with it man.
> 
> Pray let there be some sort of happy ending?????


Nah, he _gawwwwwn_.

Dude's probably 'chillaxing' at the bottom of the 'secret garden' with 2 or 3 'b!tches' after a heavy weekend at Pacha.


----------



## danger_mouse (Apr 21, 2014)

davecarter said:


> Nah, he _gawwwwwn_.
> 
> Dude's probably 'chillaxing' at the bottom of the 'secret garden' with 2 or 3 'b!tches' after a heavy weekend at Pacha.


Not quite, best laid plans of mice and men and all that 

I wanted to make time tonight but I just have not got the time required to pen from discovery to present day as was suggested by someone else, I would rather get it out as one rather than piece meal being drip fed so to speak.

I am glad I have stirred this up in my own head, it has given me a few new dynamics and provoked a whole new train of thought.

I miss Fantazia and Dreamscape from back in the day, deffo DnB all the way :smthumbup:


----------

