# sex really the issue??



## Lost guy (Oct 29, 2012)

Hi Ladies...could use some female prespective on the subject....My wife SEEMS to suffer from low self esteem..she is in the beauty industry and has always been very concious of her looks...She is tall, athletic, and gourgous...but she never really seen herself as others did and do...Married for 16yrs, dated her for 3yrs b4 that, 3 beautiful kids, so lots of history between us. After thr last child she went back to work educating in this feild...the job took her around the country and she loved the attention she was getting from other hair artists(men and women)..she looked like a million bucks....at he same time in her life(35Ish) she developed a bladder issue and a diet issue that really limited her to the choices she had for eating or drinking..she was really hard on herself for having this happen to her...said she was to young to have such issues...this also made me feel scared for her health and well being(my mom had colon cancer in early 30's and died @ 45)..she would say that sex was gr8t at the time but after intercourse with me her lower area would be so sore for days that she could'nt get any releif from the discomfort....I felt real bad for what I was doing to her and it made me hesitatnt to be intimate with her...really put a cold blanket on our passion....
Around the same time as her taking the new job she convinced herself that her young body didn't look like it should and she seemed to compare herself to the 20yr olds she was working with...talked herself into a breast job that I assured her she did'nt need.."this isn't for you" she said "It's for me to feel better bout myself"...she had money saved so went through with it against my wishes....as her 40th bday appoached she got talk'n that she should lose weight(135 lbs..did'nt need to lose anything as I told her)..she was always on the subject and I did'nt want her to start some crazy diet and put her health @ even more risk...I brought a nutrition expert's number home that could help her do this safely...I gave it to her telling her that she didn't need it at all but if she was going to go through with it at least he could help her do it safely..thought it was the supportive thing to do She trimmed down and then was talked into a bikini modeling compition as part of a body building show...this is where things seeemed to really go down hill...she was only doing it once she said to prove to herself that she could after having 3 kids and being 40...placed 8 out of 12..everyone thoght it was gr8t except for her...she wanted one of the top three...talked herself into doing it once more the following yr..lots of working out and strict diet to keep herself inshape...second time around she placed 4 out of the 5 in her tall division....not happy...I had driven to the next city with our oldest daughter to see her compete(she didn't know that I would be there, said it was no big deal that I would'nt be)...when she seen us at the half time show the look on her face was not that of a pleasurable surprize even though she tried to quickly cover up the look she gave...after that show she said the only reason she didn't win was b/c the breast job she got yrs b4 were not big enough and the loose skin on her belly had to go...gets herself a tummy tuck(completely and totally against my wishes again) cause then she would stand a chance to win...after the procedure the results are not what she expected and is devistated.........
Soooooo...it's now oct and she tells me that she needs to talk...there is no more passion for me left...fell out of love...says I dont make her happy or feel special...was pissed at me for bring the weight loss thing home cuz it proved to her that I thought she was fat and really mad at me for letting her go through with the tummy surgury(the only thing I didn't do was chain her to the table or put her in a strait jacket)...said she was unhappy for the last 5 or 6 yrs and doesn't know why..she did tellme it started when I would'nt give her the attention that she was getting when she was on the road work'n...I needed to pursue her harder than what I was doing..she moved out of the house and is living in a 1 bedroom place cause that all there is and all that she can afford in the next town...says she has no plans on moving back and feels nothing toward me other than the fact that we are good friends b/c of the kids....long story but can anyone give me thier thoughts? Ive a pretty good idea of what is going on but other opions are very much welcome....Love this woman dearly but don't think I can help her till she sees herself for what she is...thanks for the replies


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

First of all, she's very self absorbed.

Also, all this traveling and effort to recapture her youth is a bits suspect.

Can you access her cell ohone bill? If so, look for a lot of texts/calls to/from 1 or 2 numbers you don't recognize

I usually don't jump on his band wagon right away but could she have someone else in her life?

I ask because she was displayig a bunch of what is known as Red Flags such as:

Sex life sputtered
More and more empahsis on improving her body
Was pissed when you showed up at competition 
Blames you for her "falling out of love"

Before all this blew up, was she exhibiting any other signs like a passworrd on her cell or cell phone always glued to her side?


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I'm not usually one to jump on the 'She's having an affair!' bandwagon, BUT her unhappy reaction to seeing you there at her competition speaks volumes!

I'd check on her cellphone for starters.


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