# looks like my gf has a problem with my ears



## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

here is the deal.. we are both 28 BTW. 

My ears are sticking out a bit – similar to Will Smith’s. I was quite unconfident about it, for a long long time since I was picked on because of this until I came out of high school. So when I was 4 months into my new relationship… lying on the bed, all of sudden from nowhere my gf grabbed my ear, pinned it back to my head and said ‘what if they glue them back like this’… I was shocked and speechless. 

She has never mentioned my ears one way or another before. I should say ‘then i would be a completely different guy’ but I rather didnt respond. I was asking myself what was the purpose of that? i mean really… WHY? I have the same ears from the first time we met unlike her ass… she mentioned my ears for couple more times after that – like calling me ‘earman’ or just grab an ear in the bed and said ‘ear’. Subtle way to tell me she doesnt fancy my ears and that I should do something about it?! Or was that just a **** test? I don’t know. I have never reacted to it but it gets on my nerves. Only one time I just said ‘whats your deal with my ears?’ she said ‘nothing’…. Right… I was born that way, and they are not growing bigger as fast as her ass. There are always some things that will bother you about you OH, but why bring them up like that? I do not bring up her ass because i do not want to hurt her, and is not that big of a deal to me... Dont know what to do...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

People who point out other people's physical imperfections are insecure azzhole$. This doesn't sound like a woman of substance to me.

The first person I dated after my divorce in 2010 became like this over time. I remember toward the end of our relationship, randomly in the middle of dinner (with my kids no less) he said something about how my nose looked "goofy" when I wore sunglasses. I was like huh?? Is that even a thing?? The way he said it, obviously it had bothered him for a while, but in all honesty it was a symptom of much bigger personality flaws he had.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Sounds a bit immature. We don't get to love only bits and pieces of our bf or gf. We love then in total or at least learn to live with the bits not so attractive to us. Ask her if she has a problem with them the next, she comments on them. She either has to accept the entire package or she can hit the trail.

Don't make her give you a complex. You can always start commenting on her ass.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

And you didn't get out of bed pack your Stuff and walk out the door. Now she has licence to continue doing it, and will continue until you do something about it. And making fun of her Caboose is not what you do about it.

Your only reply should be Friends don't treat friends that way.

Is this the same girl? Have you been putting up with ear pinning for 8-12 months? Along with lackluster Sex drive?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

"You know what? You may be right. Maybe if my ears were smaller I wouldn't hear so much of your sh*t."


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

"Tell you what, hon. I'll have my ears fixed if you have your face fixed. You first."


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Yep, best answer would be," How does a woman hold here liquor? By the ears." It is a play on words but she might get the point.

And to be sure, if her rump get's any larger ask her what the zip code is for mailing. Sorry, so wrong, but I just had to go there.:surprise:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Married but Happy said:


> "Tell you what, hon. I'll have my ears fixed if you have your face fixed. You first."


I think it would be more honest if he went after her AZZ .. since he mentioned it twice in his opening post.. seriously.. she deserves it. 

If she can dish out his imperfections, he ought to be able to voice his.. give her a piece of the pie.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

If you complain about her butt when she says something about your ears, you are entering a war. That kind of response is immature and pointless. It does nothing to resolve a problem.
She is making rude comment to you and you are not telling her to stop. That gives her the impression that it's okay for her to do that. Tell her she is rude and you want her to stop or it will continue. If you don't tell her, but you use some passive-aggressive move like complaining about her butt, you are not dealing with what is bothering you, but you are adding a new negative dimension to the relationship.
It sounds like you are unhappy about her having put on weight. If she's putting on weight now, it's not going to stop unless you say something about it. She needs to know that you do not like her putting on weight. It is likely to continue if she doesn't know it's bothering you. She may get angry at you mentioning her weight. It's not politically correct. Personally, I think if someone changes their appearance, it's a reasonable thing to address. She is not the same as when you first started. She is letting herself go.
If I were in bed with my husband and made a negative comment about me, I would not sit silently and wonder what was going on. I would immediately address it. If you do bring up your girlfriend's weight, it should not be done in bed or at the same time as your conversation about your ears. It should be separate, as it is a separate issue.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

treznik said:


> Or was that just a **** test?


Sounds like it. To see if you'd take her crap and/or to steer her thoughts away from her own insecurities by ragging on you.



treznik said:


> I have the same ears from the first time we met unlike *your* ass…


That would of been my response to her verbatim. People inside greenhouses shouldn't throw stones...


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Ok, I will probably get lambasted here....

But *wonky ears are no different than crooked, yellow teeth.* And no one thinks twice about fixing gnarly teeth. Braces and bleach treatments can fix those suckers right up!

IMHO, ears are no different. If your ears look like a NASA landing pad, have them surgically corrected.

Not an attractive look, IMHO.

Did other girls notice this in the past? (I think they did as evidenced below.) Your ears are a HUGE sore spot for you, both personally and in past relationships.



treznik said:


> *I was quite unconfident about it, for a long long time since I was picked on because of this until I came out of high school.*


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Ok, I will probably get lambasted here....
> 
> But *wonky ears are no different than crooked, yellow teeth.* And no one thinks twice about fixing gnarly teeth. Braces and bleach treatments can fix those suckers right up!
> 
> ...



WOW! just wow... tnx


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

treznik said:


> here is the deal.. we are both 28 BTW.
> 
> My ears are sticking out a bit – similar to Will Smith’s.


Honestly I have never noticed his ears..







or thought a thing of it.. he looks perfectly fine ! I can't recall ever noticing someone's ears in my entire life, in an unattractive way.... I don't know... it's an odd thing to focus on.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

it's _hilarious_ to read the comebacks people thought of for you, but i hope you won't actually use them 

maybe just calmly tell her that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

She insulted you, and you are dating. this is when people are on their best behaviour, usually. She needs to be told that it's unnacceptable. If it doesn't stop, then she needs to go. If she will say this when you are dating, what will she say if you marry her? That's not how you want to live.

Plus, usually the things that make us different, physically, are things to love, not hate.
So you have big ears. some girl someday will LOVE that about you. hold out for her.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

only have your ears fixed if YOU don't like them. Don't change original pieces of yourself for others, or you may regret it.
There have been many celebrities who "fixed" themselves unnecessarily and in many people's opinions, not for the better. Think Bruce Jenner. or Jennifer Gray. after she had her nose "fixed", she just looks average. and really didn't get many more acting roles.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

treznik said:


> WOW! just wow... tnx


Yes, wow! Sometimes, we don't see what others see.



sixty-eight said:


> it's _hilarious_ to read the comebacks people thought of for you, but i hope you won't actually use them ...


I have the feeling that this isn't the first time he was insulted, based on his own admission of all the high-school ridicule.



sixty-eight said:


> She insulted you, and you are dating. this is when people are on their best behaviour, usually. She needs to be told that it's unnacceptable. If it doesn't stop, then she needs to go. If she will say this when you are dating, what will she say if you marry her? That's not how you want to live.


Ummm... no.

Fix the ears... just like someone would fix crooked, yellow snags with braces and veneers/bleaching. He has known this was a problem since he was ridiculed in high school (yes, teens are CRUEL). He's probably a nice looking guy. So fix the ears (minor surgery) -- after all, we can't control our genetics -- and move on.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

treznik said:


> here is the deal.. we are both 28 BTW.
> 
> My ears are sticking out a bit – similar to Will Smith’s. I was quite unconfident about it, for a long long time since I was picked on because of this until I came out of high school. So when I was 4 months into my new relationship… lying on the bed, all of sudden from nowhere my gf grabbed my ear, pinned it back to my head and said ‘what if they glue them back like this’… I was shocked and speechless.
> 
> She has never mentioned my ears one way or another before. I should say ‘then i would be a completely different guy’ but I rather didnt respond. I was asking myself what was the purpose of that? i mean really… WHY? I have the same ears from the first time we met unlike her ass… she mentioned my ears for couple more times after that – like calling me ‘earman’ or just grab an ear in the bed and said ‘ear’. Subtle way to tell me she doesnt fancy my ears and that I should do something about it?! Or was that just a **** test? I don’t know. I have never reacted to it but it gets on my nerves. Only one time I just said ‘whats your deal with my ears?’ she said ‘nothing’…. Right… I was born that way, and they are not growing bigger as fast as her ass. There are always some things that will bother you about you OH, but why bring them up like that? I do not bring up her ass because i do not want to hurt her, and is not that big of a deal to me... Dont know what to do...



Everyone is born with different features and that's what makes us all unique.

There are things you can do though, if you want to, such as:

- glasses - get laser eye surgery, I did.
- hair - different colors and styles
- facial and body moles - go to the doctor and get them removed
- feet - I bought amopee and it works great. My feet are smoother than Mrs.CuddleBug's when I use this
- ear and nose hair - cut it
- hands and feet - cut finger and toe nails and keep clean
- ears - if they stick out a lot, surgery
- teeth - get braces and whitened and use white fillings

Mrs.CuddleBug didn't care I had thick coke bottle glasses, thin and nerdy. I got laser eye surgery and weight trained and got big. No complaints on her end. Good hygiene at all times she also isn't complaining.....:grin2:


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

CuddleBug said:


> Mrs.CuddleBug didn't care I had thick coke bottle glasses, thin and nerdy. I got laser eye surgery and weight trained and got big. No complaints on her end. Good hygiene at all times she also isn't complaining.....:grin2:


She may not be complaining, but from what you've posted, it doesn't seem to make any difference to her either.


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Yes, wow! Sometimes, we don't see what others see.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Bad teeth are a commonly fixed problem. not so much with ears. If he was saying his WIFE didn't like them, or HE didn't like them, i would advise having them fixed.

this is a GIRLFRIEND. and a mean girlfriend at that, with a big a$$.
He's supposed to permanently change for her? and then what if the next girl liked the will smith ears better? there are lots of people that think will smith is hot.
Is he supposed to change again for the next girl? 

And what if he "fixes" his ears and the GF's not satisfied? What if it was just about picking on him and putting him down? She will simply find something else to complain about.

This is not some chick who thinks he would be hot if he had bigger muscles or a new haircut.
Surgery like that should only ever be done to make _yourself_ feel better.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"this is a GIRLFRIEND. and a mean girlfriend at that, with a big a$$."

With a big a$$, too? Wow! Don't know why your statement struck my funny bone but, thanks!


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## sixty-eight (Oct 2, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> "this is a GIRLFRIEND. and a mean girlfriend at that, with a big a$$."
> 
> With a big a$$, too? Wow! Don't know why your statement struck my funny bone but, thanks!





treznik said:


> WHY? I have the same ears from the first time we met unlike her ass… I was born that way, and they are not growing bigger as fast as her ass. I do not bring up her ass because i do not want to hurt her, and is not that big of a deal to me...


she insults his ears. she is not perfect ^

i don't have any personal problems with big butts, only mean girls


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

treznik said:


> here is the deal.. we are both 28 BTW.
> 
> My ears are sticking out a bit – similar to Will Smith’s. I was quite unconfident about it, for a long long time since* I was picked on because of this until I came out of high school*. So when I was 4 months into my new relationship… lying on the bed, all of sudden from nowhere my gf grabbed my ear, pinned it back to my head and said ‘what if they glue them back like this’… I was shocked and speechless.
> 
> She has never mentioned my ears one way or another before. I should say ‘then i would be a completely different guy’ but I rather didnt respond. I was asking myself what was the purpose of that? i mean really… WHY? I have the same ears from the first time we met unlike her ass… she mentioned my ears for couple more times after that – like calling me ‘earman’ or just grab an ear in the bed and said ‘ear’. Subtle way to tell me she doesnt fancy my ears and that I should do something about it?! Or was that just a **** test? I don’t know. I have never reacted to it but it gets on my nerves. Only one time I just said ‘whats your deal with my ears?’ she said ‘nothing’…. Right… I was born that way, and they are not growing bigger as fast as her ass. There are always some things that will bother you about you OH, but why bring them up like that? I do not bring up her ass because i do not want to hurt her, and is not that big of a deal to me... Dont know what to do...


Maybe your GF never did come out of high school, sure sounds like she may be stuck mentally in her teens. In any event, why not have her make a list of things she does not care for about you and then you can see a plastic surgeon and have everything fixed at once.....or........ you can get a different GF with a short list of your "flaws" and a smaller buttocks.


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## Nynaeve (Jun 19, 2013)

OP mentioned Will Smith and it reminded me of the scene in Independence Day when Vivica Fox calls Will Smith's ears "dumbo ears" and he responds with a quip about her "chicken legs."

Not everyone thinks mentioning an SO's imperfections is an insult. Some people were raised to think that's no big deal. I'm not saying that's OK. But it is possible that she doesn't realize it's such a sore spot and doesn't mean to hurt you. By not telling her to knock it off, you're only communicating that it doesn't bother you. Be a grown up, use your words and tell her it's a sore spot you'd prefer she not poke anymore.

Also... Not for a minute do I believe that you wouldn't be judging the size of her butt if it weren't for her comments. Puh-lease. You're obviously holding it against her. Very childish tit for tat kind of thinking going on here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

If you were to tell her not to say hurtful things to you, while you criticise the size of her butt, that would make you an immature hypocrite. Don't lower yourself.

You have two choices - be a man and tell her to knock it off, it's hurtful. Or move on and find a nice girl who loves you as you are.

Simple.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I had a boyfriend in uni with ears that stuck out quite a bit, he was tall and goofy looking but that was what i adored about him. It never bothered me.

Many have said you could respond with a good comeback but I think you are probably sensitive about this as this was something you were ribbed about growing up. You should tell her this, it is a sore point and hurtful. If she still does it then she is not the girl for you. We all have unattractive features and its mean of our SO to make fun of them imo.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If you start with the wise cracks about her ass then your no better than her. My advice is to let her know that if she can't say something nice then say nothing at all. One of you two have to be the adult and if she continues then walk out and tell her not to contact you until she can act like an adult.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

treznik said:


> here is the deal.. we are both 28 BTW.
> 
> My ears are sticking out a bit – similar to Will Smith’s. I was quite unconfident about it, for a long long time since I was picked on because of this until I came out of high school. So when I was 4 months into my new relationship… lying on the bed, all of sudden from nowhere my gf grabbed my ear, pinned it back to my head and said ‘what if they glue them back like this’… I was shocked and speechless.
> 
> She has never mentioned my ears one way or another before. I should say ‘then i would be a completely different guy’ but I rather didnt respond. I was asking myself what was the purpose of that? i mean really… WHY? I have the same ears from the first time we met unlike her ass… she mentioned my ears for couple more times after that – like calling me ‘earman’ or just grab an ear in the bed and said ‘ear’. Subtle way to tell me she doesnt fancy my ears and that I should do something about it?! Or was that just a **** test? I don’t know. I have never reacted to it but it gets on my nerves. Only one time I just said ‘whats your deal with my ears?’ she said ‘nothing’…. Right… I was born that way, and they are not growing bigger as fast as her ass. There are always some things that will bother you about you OH, but why bring them up like that? I do not bring up her ass because i do not want to hurt her, and is not that big of a deal to me... Dont know what to do...


What I take from this is that you are very insecure about your ears. What she did is not out of the ordinary and she probably felt close enough to you to goof around. Many women will not expect men to be touchy about their appearance and will not expect to have to be sensitive about what they say. 

Unless I am missing something, I am not convinced she has a major problem with you ears and is unaware that you do.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Will Smith is HOT. Ears are the least of my worries. My BF has serious bags under his eyes, got them from his mama. I think I may have mentioned them one time in almost 3 years of relationship. Do I SEE them? Sure. Do they bother me? Nah. I love him.

My son has a serious snauze. He is so handsome to me, but it drives him nuts when folks mention it. He's even had teachers say things to him. Poor kiddo. The right gal will love him and lift him up, not try to tear him down.

I say move on. She doesn't really respect you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"He's even had teachers say things to him" This isn't right and can cause your son to have a body/social issue. If he were my kid, I'd tear those so-called teachers a new one. What are they teaching him? That it's ok for adults to ridicule kids.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> "He's even had teachers say things to him" This isn't right and can cause your son to have a body/social issue. If he were my kid, I'd tear those so-called teachers a new one. What are they teaching him? That it's ok for adults to ridicule kids.



The kid is 17. He's heard it from at least two teachers, both male. They were "joking" with him. But apparently it hurt his feelings enough to mention it to me. Unfortunately, he would be LIVID with me if I were to contact the teachers about it (and trust me, I wanted to!) I've offered to get him a nose job (half heartedly, I wouldn't really ever do that) but he adamantly refused because he accepts what nature gave him (which I followed up with a HUGE atta-boy.)

His nose is grand, but it's definitely not "hold it up with a sling" sized. I've told him his face will grow into it and kept it moving (it will, he hasn't developed "man jowls" yet.) He has girls hitting on him ALLLLLLLL the time, so I think deep down he knows it's not really a deal breaker as far as looks go, he's just insecure. He knows Mama loves him. :grin2:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's not really clear to me that she was aware that your ears are a sore spot with you. It actually sounds pretty innocent to me, the kind of personal imperfection she might feel comfortable joking and laughing off once intimacy increases. 

And your comment about her ass not being the same as when you first met? Passive aggressive.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I kind of agree with WorkingOnMe. 

Your ears might be an endearing trait to her, but she wanted to tease you, in that moment, in an affectionate way. Then when you asked her why she said that, then she realized you didn't think it was funny. She knew she stepped in it. So she went silent. 

What she should have done is apologized for hurting your feelings and then shagged your brains out. 

You are making too much of it.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

That was not a ONE time thing! Read my OP. Who insults OH out of affection!!!!???? 

I have never said a thing about her ass. WHY? because i do not want to hurt her. Also i do not feel good when I insult somebody, thats why I dont understand her when she says things like that out of nowhere... but if things continue I will mention her ass!


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> It's not really clear to me that she was aware that your ears are a sore spot with you. It actually sounds pretty innocent to me, the kind of personal imperfection she might feel comfortable joking and laughing off once intimacy increases.


Like telling a girl she's "chubby like a cuddly teddy bear?" See how that would go over with ANY woman on this PLANET but he's a guy so it's not supposed to bother him. How is ridiculing a part of someone's body "comfortable joking"? If he ridiculed himself first, which he didn't then, maybe you could assume its safe but even then you take a big risk when you make negative comments about someone as a "joke". 



WorkingOnMe said:


> And your comment about her ass not being the same as when you first met? Passive aggressive.


Nah, it's just aggressive. Nothing passive about that statement. He should of said it then said, "What? I thought insulting each other was okay?"


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Life is too short to get all butt hurt over some mild teasing. I'd say just about everyone I know mildly chides their partner about various things. I just don't see it as a big deal, assuming there's a lot of compliments thrown in too. The one exception is if she knows it's something you're sensitive about. Teasing a man about his small unit....not cool. Teasing a man about his big ears (when he's never mentioned it's a sore subject)....not a big deal.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

treznik said:


> That was not a ONE time thing! Read my OP. Who insults OH out of affection!!!!????
> 
> I have never said a thing about her ass. WHY? because i do not want to hurt her. Also i do not feel good when I insult somebody, thats why I dont understand her when she says things like that out of nowhere... but if things continue I will mention her ass!


Well, then... tell her it pisses you off. You don't have to insult her back. Just tell her you don't like her making fun of a physical trait you have no control over. 

Your ears are your ears dude. Don't go changing them just because someone finds them unattractive. If she is going to be petty about it, tell her to take a long walk off a short pier and find a chick who doesn't mind them. 

I like women with unusual noses. Offbeat facial features are attractive to me.


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

Be honest with her..tell her it p!sses you off and to cut it out. This way she has fair warning and if she makes fun of your ears again then ask her how it feels to have an a** that is big enough to warrant its own zip code......


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

This is the singer Alison Krauss. I think she is freakin' gorgeous, but some would say her nose is too wide and pudgy. Her eyes are probably too far apart. All those features would be considered by many to be unattractive. But when taken as a whole, the sum total is a knockout. She is probably the only woman on this planet who I would marry at the the drop of a hat. It would be an instant "Hell yeah!" if she proposed to me. 

And if a plastic surgeon even thought about touching that beautiful, exquisite nose, I would beat him to death with his own golf clubs.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Truthseeker1 said:


> Be honest with her..tell her it p!sses you off and to cut it out. This way she has fair warning and if she makes fun of your ears again then ask her how it feels to have an a** that is big enough to warrant its own zip code......


"I'll get my ears pinned back if you promise to get clearance lights installed on your booty... that way you won't keep knocking people over whenever you turn around."


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## Truthseeker1 (Jul 17, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> "I'll get my ears pinned back if you promise to get clearance lights installed on your booty... that way you won't keep knocking people over whenever you turn around."


Or he could ask her to get speakers implanted on her booty so when she backs up there is that beeping sound like when a truck backs up..this way she doesn't crush little kids or small animals...safety first!! >


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## SaffronPower (Mar 6, 2011)

If you calmly tell her that you were picked on as a kid about your ears and you do not want to ever hear about them again, then you are the grown up. If she mentions them again, dump her. Period. 

It's a deal breaker. It means she is mean. You don't want to live life with mean.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

bandit.45 said:


> This is the singer Alison Krauss. I think she is freakin' gorgeous, but some would say her nose is too wide and pudgy. Her eyes are probably too far apart. All those features would be considered by many to be unattractive. But when taken as a whole, the sum total is a knockout. She is probably the only woman on this planet who I would marry at the the drop of a hat. It would be an instant "Hell yeah!" if she proposed to me.
> 
> And if a plastic surgeon even thought about touching that beautiful, exquisite nose, I would beat him to death with his own golf clubs.


Sorry, bandit but I have a feeling that a plastic surgeon has already had his way with her. If he would have left her alone, she'd be even more beautiful. Remember how gorgeous Cher was before all the plastics? Now, it's hard to look at her.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

She sounds pretty immature to me. Unless you're really interested in a future with her, perhaps it's time to mention her butt after all?


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## perol (Oct 6, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> Fix the ears... just like someone would fix crooked, yellow snags with braces and veneers/bleaching.


One of the many lesser known uses for velcro. Or duct tape.


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## Goobertron (Aug 14, 2012)

Maybe your GF is just playfully teasing you, but if it bugs you tell her it bothers you and about what happened at school and looks at it as a bonding opportunity. Some things are just out of bounds. Don't reciprocate with negative comments as it could just escalate feelings of resentment. 

A friend of mine growing up had his ears pinned back when he was about 18. I never knew at all or even noticed his ears until he told me. Afterward I thought that it must have bugged him but I never knew why.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Sorry, bandit but I have a feeling that a plastic surgeon has already had his way with her. If he would have left her alone, she'd be even more beautiful. Remember how gorgeous Cher was before all the plastics? Now, it's hard to look at her.


No....

You don't think so do you? I would hate to find out she did.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Idun (Jul 30, 2011)

Anyone with sticky out ears will look instantly more attractive if the ears are pinned. But the cosmetic stuff ain't worth doing to please others, only yourself. She was being a total b1tch for picking on it, and it's not something you do to your best friend. If you plan on staying with her, assert yourself and don't put up with that kind of treatment.

If it bothers YOU, I would probably get the surgery at some point - because I personally don't believe in 'love yourself the way you are' if you just _don't_. If you just hate something on yourself that makes you less attractive, less confident - why suffer? Because you DO suffer every time you see the defect - if you feel a pang of sadness/anger.

For me this was my spider veins. I've had them since I was 16! Only just gotten them fixed now at 32, and don't regret it AT ALL. So happy. It's not that I want my legs to look stunning, I just don't want them to look _bad_ :grin2:


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## Idun (Jul 30, 2011)

SaffronPower said:


> If you calmly tell her that you were picked on as a kid about your ears and you do not want to ever hear about them again, then you are the grown up. If she mentions them again, dump her. Period.
> 
> It's a deal breaker. It means she is mean. You don't want to live life with mean.


Perfect :smthumbup:


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Like telling a girl she's "chubby like a cuddly teddy bear?" See how that would go over with ANY woman on this PLANET but he's a guy so it's not supposed to bother him. How is ridiculing a part of someone's body "comfortable joking"? If he ridiculed himself first, which he didn't then, maybe you could assume its safe but even then you take a big risk when you make negative comments about someone as a "joke".
> 
> 
> 
> Nah, it's just aggressive. Nothing passive about that statement. He should of said it then said, "What? I thought insulting each other was okay?"


Perhaps that is how it should be.

However, taking offense at these things means the man seems thin skinned and defensive. A better reply is to send her off to make a coffee, or joke about how you can hear her getting cheeky all the more clearly, with a quick spank.

He is upset as he was made to feel demeaned. There are better ways of coming out on top.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Idun said:


> Perfect :smthumbup:


Acting like a wuss is not perfect. He can dump her if he wants, but he should get over the complex about his ears.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

treznik said:


> That was not a ONE time thing! Read my OP. Who insults OH out of affection!!!!????
> 
> I have never said a thing about her ass. WHY? because i do not want to hurt her. Also i do not feel good when I insult somebody, thats why I dont understand her when she says things like that out of nowhere... but if things continue I will mention her ass!


People tease out of affection. Personally I don't like it, but many people do. My kids do it to each other all the time and it drives me crazy, but they think it's hilarious.
As far as insulting her on something, that is no way to have a healthy relationship. Those tactics are foolish and immature. They don't solve a thing. They make a relationship adversarial. Adversarial relationships are not healthy relationships. If you don't want to handle it with grace and maturity, you are in for an unhappy life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

boltam said:


> It's not only for cosmetic reasons. Those big flappy sticking out ears can really cause drag if a person is in competitive sports such as water skiing, bike riding, swimming, and even wind surfing.
> 
> True story I had a friend once who had big flappy ears, he wasn't hung up about it he didn't even mind us calling him Dumbo, but on a windy day we had to hold him down or else he'd go flying quite a distance.


 So a guy comes here with a real issue and this is how you show support for him? Really?


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## Idun (Jul 30, 2011)

Mr The Other said:


> Acting like a wuss is not perfect. He can dump her if he wants, but he should get over the complex about his ears.


I am firmly against men acting like wusses, not sure why you thought otherwise!


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Idun said:


> I am firmly against men acting like wusses, not sure why you thought otherwise!


I had a girlfriend who started to hit me once. It was a misunderstanding, but her punches were so feeble that my reaction was to teach her how to box. Your less wuss reaction may have been to show her the side of my hand, but I consider not being affected to be less wussy. 

To put it crudely "How dare you be so mean! I am really touchy about my ears so take it make or I will be cross and cry and dump you!" is wussy to me. You can define it as you will.


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## Idun (Jul 30, 2011)

I don't know how you got this



Mr The Other said:


> "How dare you be so mean! I am really touchy about my ears so take it make or I will be cross and cry and dump you!"


From this??



SaffronPower said:


> If you calmly tell her that you were picked on as a kid about your ears and you do not want to ever hear about them again, then you are the grown up. If she mentions them again, dump her. Period.


That says a lot about you, I think. I saw SaffronPower's post as assertive, personally. But it depends A LOT on HOW it is done/said. To each their own.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I hope every person posting on this thread saying it's no big deal, does not post the opposite when a man says he wants his wife to lose weight. 

That said, I am always shocked when people are so cruel. To me it wouldn't be an issue at all.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Mr The Other said:


> Perhaps that is how it should be.
> 
> However, taking offense at these things means the man seems thin skinned and defensive. A better reply is to send her off to make a coffee, or joke about how you can hear her getting cheeky all the more clearly, with a quick spank.
> 
> He is upset as he was made to feel demeaned. There are better ways of coming out on top.


That's it. Every time she teases the ears, smack her hard on the rump. She will figure it out eventually.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Idun said:


> I don't know how you got this
> 
> From this??
> 
> That says a lot about you, I think. I saw SaffronPower's post as assertive, personally. But it depends A LOT on HOW it is done/said. To each their own.


Because the man is very sensitive about his ears. if a lot is in how it's said and done, it is going to be tricky. The main issue is his sensitivity about his ears rather than the reality. As mentioned, Will Smith manages and I imagine if I tried to tease Will Smith about his ears, it would be water of a ducks back.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I hope every person posting on this thread saying it's no big deal, does not post the opposite when a man says he wants his wife to lose weight.
> 
> That said, I am always shocked when people are so cruel. To me it wouldn't be an issue at all.


That is quite true. There are double standards. We can all go on equality marches, but in the meantime that is how society is.


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## Spitfire (Jun 6, 2015)

I would dump her and go get my ears fixed. Problem solved.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Mr The Other said:


> That is quite true. There are double standards. We can all go on equality marches, but in the meantime that is how society is.


Or we could point it out and act like decent people without double standards. Just a thought.


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## boltam (Oct 14, 2015)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I hope every person posting on this thread saying it's no big deal, does not post the opposite when a man says he wants his wife to lose weight.


Weight loss is voluntary. Regardless of what obese people tell you.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

SaffronPower said:


> If you calmly tell her that you were picked on as a kid about your ears and you do not want to ever hear about them again, then you are the grown up. If she mentions them again, dump her. Period.
> 
> It's a deal breaker. It means she is mean. You don't want to live life with mean.


I like this idea, however, this could be a sign of her character. If she doesn't ever speak of his ears again, but begins to pick on another "quality" of his, he should dump her.


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## boltam (Oct 14, 2015)

I think you really need to take a more lighthearted approach, go with what nature gave you and the heck with anyone that says or thinks otherwise.

Meet your demons head on. Halloween is coming, dress up like an elephant.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

boltam said:


> I think you really need to take a more lighthearted approach, go with what nature gave you and the heck with anyone that says or thinks otherwise.
> 
> Meet your demons head on. Halloween is coming, dress up like an elephant.


thats a great idea... maybe you should dress up like a monster or something like it, all you have to do is to turn your inside out. 
Gimme three fiddy monster!


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## boltam (Oct 14, 2015)

Now you're talking!

It's like someone who has a phobia of crossing bridges.

Go tackle that bridge.


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## Goobertron (Aug 14, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I hope every person posting on this thread saying it's no big deal, does not post the opposite when a man says he wants his wife to lose weight.
> 
> That said, I am always shocked when people are so cruel. To me it wouldn't be an issue at all.


If your wife is trying to lose weight it's a big warning sign. Chances are she's already picked out a very figure hugging dress for an encounter which is in the works. Check your credit card details and start leaving around a lot of excess chocolate...


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## karazy (Aug 31, 2015)

The reason why she didn't mention anything about your ears before is that you guys were freshly dating so were still in the blissful honeymoon stage.

A few months passed and now the feelings settle, she started noticing them.

It's obvious it is a sore spot for you that you need to address to her. 

If your ears were like Will Smith's, I don't think people would have picked on you. I sense they are much worse.

Everyone is entitled to their opinions regardless if they have their own flaws or not.

Her "big ass" can be fixed by losing weight; your ears can't be fixed unless you decide to get surgery.

If you decide to crack at her weight as retaliation, you might as well just break up with her. 

But honestly, ears that stick out on a man with short hair are quite hard to miss and not notice. It's like seeing a huge mole on someone's face. I wouldn't be able to ignore it.

Anyway, forget your gf, you need to decide what to do about your ears: 1) get over it and say "f y'all, I don't care that my ears stick out." Or 2) get them fixed and move on with your life.

Also, unless you have a medical problem that stops you from being normal weight, every fat person (men and women) need to lose weight. There is no reason for a healthy person to be fat. It is not fair to the spouse.


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## karazy (Aug 31, 2015)

And Bandit, that lady is not attractive. She looks masculine, like with dwarven features. However, she doesn't have any features that stick out like a sore thumb like big ears...so people can still look at her and not be distracted by any of her features.


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

boltam said:


> It's not only for cosmetic reasons. Those big flappy sticking out ears can really cause drag if a person is in competitive sports such as water skiing, bike riding, *swimming*, and even wind surfing.


You mean like Michael Phelps?

Ret*rd!?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

If the ears genuinely do bother you, tell her you'd be happy to have your ears fixed for her, if she foots the bill.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

treznik said:


> You mean like Michael Phelps?
> 
> Ret*rd!?


"Retarded"? I understand that you are responding to an offensive comment, but this is an example of an immature response. You are a grow man and should be able to express yourself clearly and effectively without shaming someone or playing tit for tat. 
Are you going to speak to your girlfriends about how her words are hurtful and inappropriate or are you going to play a game about how you are dissatisfied with her bottom instead? If you don't learn how to handle difficult relational situations with grace and strength, you are going to suffer for it through any relationship you have. There is a way to set healthy boundaries without firing back at the other person. If she doesn't respond well to you, then you know it's not going to work between you and you move on with your life without her.
It's been several days since you asked for help. You've received some good responses. Now how are you going to handle it?


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## treznik (Jul 13, 2015)

Yes, i got some good responses, and some very offensive ones... AGAIN: I have never ever mentioned her ass to her! NEVER! i havent played tits for tats. I think Im gonna break up and live a single life.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

treznik said:


> Yes, i got some good responses, and some very offensive ones... AGAIN: I have never ever mentioned her ass to her! NEVER! i havent played tits for tats. I think Im gonna break up and live a single life.


Sounds like a good idea. If you get comfortable with yourself and start a process of growth, you will be much better off in the long run. I wish you the best for success and joy in your life.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
When I was in junior high school my gym teacher thought it cool to single me out in class. As I also had large ears and a very closely trimmed haircut which made them all the more pronounced. After singling me out yet again with some embarrassing quirp he then said "hey boy, you know what...when you get embarrassed, it's like looking at a red taxicab with both doors open".

I mostly ignored that teacher, as much as one could at that age and once I left junior high I never heard anything else about my ears. He was early thirties, all of 5'6" and already starting to go bald. Perhaps his way of asserting superiority.....to an seventh grade boy. Who really should have been embarrassed? Often when people attempt to diminish another it is an effort to elevate themselves. They feel inadequate and think that by reducing you they will appear better. It is actually quite pitiful. Forget about your ears and find a grown up gf.


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