# Need help, losing mind and hope quickly.



## petejt32 (Nov 10, 2017)

Now for something you may of heard before. Me and my wife have been together for six years. We have three young kids, are in our thirties, rent together and have combined financial assets, if you can count that little, lol. We have opposite personalities, I have been diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder, add and depression. These are legit and confirmed. She is untested, but her family has bipolar and adhd in it. 
We have what I call cycles. Ups and downs, everything goes smooth, a decline, arguments, nit picking, slow burning arguments and just a bad month or two, with a partial recovery. To further explain she is more of an alpha, she wears the pants. Though, we are both very stubborn. We have also lived with and at times next to her family. She is uncomfortable without her family near her. She has only one unrelated friend. The term "cousin friend" may apply if you've heard it. 
Yes, cycles. After are first month together, the cycles started. They continue 5 or six a year. No communication, a lot of bitterness, no sex, just living like a ghost.
It both our faults really. I won't detail, but we have each done some lousy and potentially unforgivable things to each other. Now, why am I here? The cycles have become unbearable to both of us. There are no more talks, I'm sorry's, touching, affection. All conventional re-conciliatory approaches are not working and have been done for years. She won't even talk about her feelings anymore, I repeat at all. Therapy has been suggested, but denied by her. I am a good guy, but, like I said, I am guilty to, acts that if we we not parents would have led to divorce. Trust lost, never fully regained kind of thing.
We tried an open relationship as well, which kind of worked, but collapsed. Also key, we dated only a week before I moved in. Had kids within two. She also had a daughter from a previous, to whom I began acting as a father to within six months of moving in.
I am losing my my mind and something must be done. I just want her to happy again. All conventional strategies have failed or faltered time and time and time again. Advice? Thank you all.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You are going to need to provide more details.
Especially on the horrible things done to each other.

The mental health diagnosis's are troubling...
For sure.


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## petejt32 (Nov 10, 2017)

Me attempted infidelity, holding things against her, general acting like a rude guy, but with the best of intentions. Her? bullying, sniping, belittling comments and acting like a deservedly angry woman, but, with a legitimately sharp edged tone that I cannot explain. open relationship was attempted, she flip flopped with that herself, only adding to the confusion. Mental health? The a.d.d and depression are mild. Schizoid personality disorder is best described...

"lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary or sheltered lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, detachment, and apathy. Affected individuals may be unable to form intimate attachments to others and simultaneously demonstrate a rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world."

She has never seen a psych, but, bipolar, adhd and autisim exist in her close and distant family.


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

You say therapy has been denied, but I think it's your best option.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

On the 'open' relationship matter.
This may have been a poop test, on her part, on your behalf.

IF you had agreed to this, that would have 'cemented' your spot on the detest list.
Or maybe, she is cheating without your knowledge. Not wanting you to get a chance to enjoy another.

She is floundering, she is flailing wildly. 
Unhappy lady, methinks.

Most here will soon say bail, leave each other.
You are both toxic.

I know, one of you is 'more' toxic, the other 'more' unstable.
But, so what?

When one person in a marriage has serious issues, that is bad.
When both do, that is unfixable.

Then again, you claim she is bi-polar, is flat ass mean.
It could be something else mentally wrong with her, maybe BPD, something. Only a mental health professional should make this call.

It is easier to fix singular, yourself, then it is to fix duality, 'you and her'.

I would move on. Away from this toxic brew.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

One good thing in all this.

At least you have a 'mind' to lose.

Not everyone can make that claim.
.........................................................................

Since your wife is not here to defend herself, I want you to put yourself in her shoes.

If we were to ask her what were the 'root cause' problems in your marriage, what would she answer?

Give us her take, her talking, her screaming points.


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