# Husband cheated 5 moths before wedding



## anonymous11111 (May 27, 2014)

Hi,

I have been in a relationship with the perfect guy for about 8 years now. A day after my wedding on my honeymoon I saw some pics of a girl on bis laptopnand contacted her on facebook and found out that he was cheating on him for last 5 months before we got married. It was very clear from the pictures and the emails that they were deeply involved with sex. We were in long distance for two years. My husband says that he was scared about the wedding and he wanted to have some fun before the wedding. He says it started as **** buddies but later on the girl got too emotional and was not ready to let go and my husband then had no option but to tell her that he might get married his dad has fixed his marriage.He also admits that she used to do a lot for him and used sex as a tool to manipulate him to keep him with her and said things like you ll be the happiest man alive with me and he got swayed by her talks and in between he also started thinking that maybe he ll be happy with her since she s so open about sex and takes care of me but it was like a fleeting moment he said

Well, 8 years that i have been with my husband to be honest i took him for granted very much i never could think that he ll score some chick and start having sex. I always avoided sex with him it had been more than a year that we had sex well i didnt know he was getting it elsewhwere. when in long distance i would hardly talk to him or be bothered that he might have found someone.

after we came back from the honeymoon, he was ready to leave his job and shift to the city where i was staying to avoid future problem since she was there. but i insisted that he should continue his job and i will come with him

we were going througha rough patch and he told me later taht she has his laptop also which she had stolen from his house while he was away for honeymoon. so i told him to message her to return the laptop. then she started calling him like crazy and sending sentimental messages like pls meet me once which he dint tell me cuz he thought that will upset him plus he was apologetic towards her and he didnt want her to feel like he used her so he spoke to her and met her her for 10 mins and said sorry when she asked if you have sex with her i cant imagine you do he said no we dont cuz we are having problems right now he says he wanted to put her to peace and part ways by pacifying her by saying whatever made her feel nice. she then asked him to **** her one last time cuz she still felt for her which he refused

this happened for 2 days and then it stopped , he dint want to tell me cuz he didnt know how will i react. well i found out and then he said that he did this to get his latop back by getting in her good books and yes he was guilty towrads her. i got in touch witb her and she tried to tell me how he love her missed her and how he has no choice but to work on this relationship

now what i dont understand is why did he entertain her agin after getting married when we were trying to work towards our marriage and if he did why did he lie to me may be he still had/has feeling towrds her


to prove her wrong he wrote an long email explaining to both of us saying how he dint love her and it was just sex for him and that he loves me and that he thought he owed her an apology but she misused it


we satred working on our relationship again, after a week she mails my husband saying good bye dear friend, it was such a pleasure to meet you. do what your heart says follow your heart with the heading of beautiful way.


what should i do, i am literally going mad!!!

pls advise, im so confused

thanks


to prove me wrong he wrote an email to her to tell her that


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

anonymous11111 said:


> My husband says that he was scared about the wedding and he wanted to have some fun before the wedding. He says it started as **** buddies


Sorry, but this is such a BS answer. He was afraid because he wasnt sure about getting married to you. He sure as hell wasnt committed to you.


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

This is really weird and missing a lot of detail... but you seem to approach the situation with a level head.

Not that I am condoning his behavior on any level, but the fact that you are able to recognize that you took him for granted shows a lot of humility and you deserve a great deal of credit! You have the skills and makeup to salvage the situation if you so choose.

Otherwise, I don't know what to make of your husband but the other gal seems pretty crazy.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

anonymous11111 said:


> Well, 8 years that i have been with my husband to be honest i took him for granted very much i never could think that he ll score some chick and start having sex. I always avoided sex with him it had been more than a year that we had sex......when in long distance i would hardly talk to him or be bothered that he might have found someone.


This is a good example of "use it or lose it". To me the most surprising thing is that he married you instead of her. I mean, really! Why would he do that?


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## anonymous11111 (May 27, 2014)

Thank you all fo your replies


I agree that I was as fault for taking him for granted and not considering sex as sucha big deal but it was a long distance relationship and we could hardly spend time together. I realise my mistake and if he fell for some other girl thats okay but he could have told me that and should not have married me thats all. 

i asked him several times why he married me then. He says that it was a phase of his life he was enjoying his freedom away from family, me , real friends in which he got trapped he was enjoying sex fun no responsibility just enjoyment plus that girl really fell for him and just kept crying and crying when he told her it has to end she try to mailpulate always by saying lets have sex one last time whenever he tried to end it.

I know for sure that the girl just didnt want to let him go and tried to get him bac even after we got maried.

anyway its all over now, but i just want him to be happy how do i know he loves me. He says he does love me more than anything he just got swayed and made a big mistake and he loves his new phase of married life with me but i dont know if he really loves me

Did he really love her, why is that he felt so guilty towards her, that is something i just done understand????

He s there says he ll never give up on us but im confused i dont want him to stay with me if he doesnt love me and he loved her

Pls i need some advise FROM A MANS POINT OF VIEW

thanks


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## maverick23 (May 2, 2014)

anonymous11111 said:


> Thank you all fo your replies
> 
> 
> I agree that I was as fault for taking him for granted and not considering sex as sucha big deal but it was a long distance relationship and we could hardly spend time together. I realise my mistake and if he fell for some other girl thats okay but he could have told me that and should not have married me thats all.
> ...


encourage him to write down qualities that he finds important in a mate, honestly, without skewing it towards you or anything else.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

anonymous11111 said:


> Pls i need some advise FROM A MANS POINT OF VIEW
> 
> thanks


Your husband had sex a bunch of times with another woman.

You find your husband so attractive that you take him for granted by your own admission and don't have sex with him.

From a man's point of view, I recommend that you divorce him and find a man you find even more attractive than this one, so much so that you have sex with him and don't take him for granted.

P.S. I also advise you that if the man you have a relationship with has sex with another woman, he does not love YOU, and you should divorce him and find somebody who DOES love you.


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

So he had sex with another woman before you were married, while you were in a "long distance relationship"... all while you "hardly talked to him". You gave him a lot to be sure about...

The guy having sex was NOT you husband... he was a single guy you had a relationship with, but not sex.we have to put this into a proper temporal frame.

He was also being manipulated.

You were in a competition with another woman, he chose you, you won. He left her before you got married, and after he "signed with the team", he's been doing MVP duty, without any issues, other than that which happened only because of what you told him to do, which was contact that woman.

Of course she wanted to have sex with him, but he didn't... and he didn't want to worry you about this nutcase he left... props to him.

This all happened when he wasn't your husband, and for the most part, you weren't really his girlfriend, but more like someone from an arranged marriage.

This is all water under the bridge. "Let it go" is a phrase absolutely warranted in this case.

I hope that "rough patch" was really rough, and warranted you telling him to resume some kind of contact with a manipulative kook.

I also hope that 8 year old laptop was so precious.

You don't need to get divorced (despite what ssems like stupidity, if it really isn't satire) as NotLikingYou said, and you don't need marriage counseling. You need to talk to a psychologist, alone, and possibly a psychiatrist, depending on your psych screen.


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## homedepot (May 13, 2014)

NotLikeYou said:


> P.S. I also advise you that if the man you have a relationship with has sex with another woman, he does not love YOU, and you should divorce him and find somebody who DOES love you.




LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. The man that punches you in the face, makes fun of your mother and father, and is verbally abusive is the man that doesn't love you.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Are you having sex now?


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