# Separated at wife's request



## Roger Lowenstein (Jul 1, 2015)

Briefly I am 35 she is 32. We have been married 10 yrs.
We have two kids 8 and 6yr old.
I have a history of compulsive gambling. She has stayed by my side throughout. Hoping that I can get well and every time I proved that I can mess everything up. This past time of her finding numerous loans and gambling activities it turned out to be the straw that broke the camel's back.(Jun 1) She asked me to leave so now I am living at my parents house. I do interact with her on a daily basis because of kids activities and logistics etc. 

While we were married I obviously ignored all the signs and talks she would give me about us. I am learning the hard way that you don't know what you got until its gone. I love my wife very much. I need to get help. She has stated that she needs stability in her life and will be moving forward in her career and with purchasing her own home(we currently rent) etc. She needs to put herself first and find happiness.

She also says that she doesn't see a future for us. So my question would be is it that she doesn't see a future with me in my current state or at all?
Can we reconcile down the line when I am well?

I have a lot to make up to her, so I cant say it will be easy. She is one of the most caring people that I know. 
This such a shame for me to realize this after so long. I hope I can get another chance


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Are you in GA? 

Have you come up with a workable plan to repay your debts, while still meeting you family financial obligations?

You need to work on getting yourself together before asking your wife about the future. You destroyed your chances there willingly. Get better and prove your are worth yet another chance. But she does not owe you one.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Get yourself into therapy and start attending Gamblers Anonymous. Work your issues and become a better person. But you have to do it for you. If she thinks you are doing it for her she will see it as more manipulation. 

I'm a recovering alcoholic so I know addiction. I know it is hard to beat. But you either choose to do this or you will be a curse to any woman you try to have a relationship with. 

As for your wife? Let her go. She has checked out and made her decision. She does not want to be your wife anymore, and who could blame her? Can you? 

Be nice during the divorce, be the best dad you can be for the kids, and for god's sake get some help.


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## Roger Lowenstein (Jul 1, 2015)

I go to 1 on 1 counseling currently
I have gone to GA in the past and I will go again.
As far as the debts it is a total **** show and my income right now is very low due to a job change but will be more by the end of the year.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You can want you wife all you want and it is sad that you and your family are put in this position. However, if you really want things to be different there is no point in talking about it you have to show your family that you mean it with action. 
You have to get to GA and get help, looks like the individual counselling is not really working?

You have to come clean about all debts and work out a way to settle them and document them.
If you wife is loving and caring as you say she might take back a reformed you but honestly when a women hits the point of no return, she may well be done.

The bottom line is you have to get your addiction under control for you, become a better man and see what happens.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Let me explain something about women who care about their marriages When we leave a marriage (if cheating isn't involved and sometimes even if it is) it's after we have tried and tried and tried to fix the problems in the marriage. When we finally feel it's completely hopeless, we leave. And we are usually totally done (and generally don't change our minds). 

Your wife might change her mind but don't count on it. Get help for yourself and let her get on with her life. Who knows what might happen down the road some day. But don't get help thinking it will make her change her mind. Do it for you. Because you need it.


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