# Has being unfaithful become easier for women?



## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

Interesting article in the London Telegraph.

Has being unfaithful become easier for women? - Telegraph


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Being unfaithful has become easier for women...and men. Internet and cell phones make it very easy to cheat. Luckily internet and cell phones, along with VARs, spycams, etc. also make it easier to catch a cheater.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

the whole mind set of today accepts more than it used to, it's in every movie, tv show, every family.......it just seems like it is the thing to do now a days, marriage vows seem to be disposable to a lot of people out there, the technology makes it very easy to be in the moment with inappropriateness and the partner is none the ware.......it's sad really that commitment and respect are no longer the corners stones of life anymore......it seems that revolving values for the moment is accepted......sad


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

2asdf2 said:


> Interesting article in the London Telegraph.
> 
> Has being unfaithful become easier for women? - Telegraph


My Affair partner was the aggressor in the affair. 

She was not only the aggressor, she was relentless. 

She also later taunted my wife by claiming that she targeted my wife for friendship to get closer to me and to find out the weak spots in our marriage. 

My wife told her a lot of personal details, sadly. 

Also the articles state that women cheat for intimacy not sex. 

This appears to be true in my case.

In addition, she is now acting like an "intimacy stalker", she will not go away. She periodically resurfaces and attempts to rekindle the relationship. 

My wife recently had to report some of her odd behavior to the police because she has been consistently showing up where my wife shops, eats or parks her car, even though she lives clear across town and has to drive fairly far to come to our end of town. 

My wife has been documenting her presence with photographs.

The weird thing is that the police say this is not uncommon. This Glen Close, fatal attraction type of behavior on the part of women who have affairs. 

In fatal attraction, if you recall the AP pushed for the affair, then she wanted more. 

This bunny boiler stuff appears to happen often.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Yes.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Yes, more married women now cheat now than married women used to cheat. But married women still cheat less often than married men cheat.

I think that one of the main reasons that more married women cheat now is that more married women are capable of being financially independent. So if their husbands leave them over infidelity they are not thrust into poverty.

Another reasons is that society is more accepting of women having sex outside of marriage. In the past, married men used to cheat most often with single women. The demographics of cheating have changed.

With women being in the workforce there is more opportunity for cheating. I've read that most affairs not start in the workplace. Makes sense.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

There is no legal outfall for a married woman to cheat.

There used to be.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Good god, what a vapid article. So in our quest for equality of the sexes, it's a noble goal to make it easier for women to cheat, rather than harder for men? Well the french are more relaxed about it after all -- you see it's all about style and what's "attractive." That's what's important in life, and we should emulate them. I used to think I was a liberal but I'm starting to feel like a puritan, at least that's how my old-fashioned views on stuff like "being loyal to your spouse" and "putting your relationship ahead of your momentary pleasure" are portrayed in the media it seems.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Access, fiscal changes and birth control all make it easier for a woman to cheat.

Any person can now 'hook up' over thousands of miles to choose someone they might like better. Since women seem to get seduced by nice words more than men, it might skew a little wifeward.

Men tend to be visual.

Women don't lose everything if their husband divorces them...but if statistics are to be believed, women STILL lose more than a man. Is it a lack of education thing or are women more easily fed up with their men that they don't mind the (smaller) fiscal hit?

Women don't need to worry about a red headed step child popping out if she has ANY sense whatsoever.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Disenchanted said:


> There is no legal outfall for a married woman to cheat.
> 
> There used to be.


And there is no legal outfall for a married man to cheat either.

I think what is happening is that we are finding out that when all else is equal, men and women will cheat at about the same rate.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

I would believe women are cheating more, for three primary reasons:

1) Financial independence whereas in the past that was not the case,
2) Availability of partners through tech and work
3) Two generations of males who no longer know how to be men.


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## btdt (Nov 19, 2012)

One interesting point raised in the article is the disparity in how infidelity is treated between women and men in entertainment media. A cheating women is usually a much more sympathetic figure. Her motives for cheating more noble (love, abuse, neglect). Often she escapes consquences for her actions and often ends up better off than before her cheating. A cheating man is almost always cast as the villian. His motives are more base (sex). The cheating male character almost always gets his comeuppance.

The reason for this disparity is that these stories are obviously geared towards a female audience, which suggests there's a latent demand among women for this type of entertainment. There really doesn't seem to be a comparable demand among men for entertainment that glamorizes infidelity for men they way you often seem it portrayed for women.

The one place you might expect male infidelity to be glamorized would be in porn, but you really don't see if there either. There's a lot more porn out there about cheating wives than cheating husbands. Rather than glamorizing infidelity for men, porn tends to play more into their insecurities.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Healer said:


> We feel for you. You were helpless. Powerless.
> 
> You should send her here so we can tell her to stop victimizing you. Enough is enough. She needs to know, no matter how sexy, no matter how brilliant, no matter how irresistible you are - that DOES NOT give her the right to abuse you and turn you into a powerless strayer.
> 
> We're here for you man.



Healer, another unprovoked attack. I never said I was helpless, powerless or faultless. That does not change the fact that the women was the aggressor in the affair, not an innocent sweet coerced woman, and she is now acting like a bunny boiler. 

This thread is not about me, let's not derail it. PM me, if you want to make things about me.

I realize for some reason you are very threatened and triggered by me, based on your continuous unprovoked attacks, but please try to get a grip. 

With that said, I feel for you bro'. Your situation with your wife sucks. You truly were helpless and powerless in your situation. 

The best thing to come of my affair is that now I appreciate the type of women my wife is, even more.

I have been inoculated against bunny boilers and sexually predatory and/or aggressive woman who use sex to upgrade to a husband that earns more than their unfortunate spouse.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

remorseful strayer said:


> My Affair partner was the aggressor in the affair.
> 
> She was not only the aggressor, she was relentless.
> 
> ...


I noticed this is my first marriage as well. not so much that women were asking me about problems in my marriage, but they would constantly ask about my husband; what was he working on these days and so forth. I never thought that anyone had an agenda and would freely talk about what my husband and I were up to. And might mention something about his work.

I finally started to notice the pattern that the very women who would let the topic of my husband monopolise our conversations were also the ones who would monopolise his attention whenever all of us get together. 

these days, I take a view as to whether someone is fishing for information and have learned to say simply "oh, he's fine." If anyone walks away after that response, they were never going to be friends with me anyway.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I noticed this is my first marriage as well. not so much that women were asking me about problems in my marriage, but they would constantly ask about my husband; what was he working on these days and so forth. I never thought that anyone had an agenda and would freely talk about what my husband and I were up to. And might mention something about his work.
> 
> I finally started to notice the pattern that the very women who would let the topic of my husband monopolise our conversations were also the ones who would monopolise his attention whenever all of us get together.
> 
> these days, I take a view as to whether someone is fishing for information and have learned to say simply "oh, he's fine." If anyone walks away after that response, they were never going to be friends with me anyway.


I agree, nexttimearound, be very cautious about women who want to become your best friend too quickly and then start discussing very very personal details. 

My wife enjoyed this women's friendship, but she was always manipulating the conversation to focus on delicate marital issues. 

She was looking for weaknesses in the marriage. She found them. 

My wife and I only socialize as a couple these days. 

If I am always running into the wife of a couple we know and she is suggesting coffee or lunch, when my wife is not with me........I run, now.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Healer said:


> Didn't you see all the likes my post got? You have a real support system here. We are sympathetic towards you and your plight.


It sad that you need others to bolster your opinions and self esteem. 

Even sadder that you need the sympathy of "sympathetic" followers. 

You need to learn to trust yourself, man, and respect your own opinions, whether or not other people like your postings. 

Be a leader not a follower.

Leaders don't get to be alpha because they worry about what other people think. 

Man up, my friend, learn to be your own support system. Be an independent module that can survive all on their lonesome, if need be.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It was remarkably easy 30 years ago. For those who wanted it.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Post removed by moderator. User banned for 2 weeks.

Inciting, provoking, personal attacks.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I was going to post here, but it seems like another threadjack where the opinions sought out by the OP are no longer relevant.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Healer said:


> Would you be willing to teach me how to be a real man?
> 
> I need the guidance of a true alpha - a TRUE leader. Show me the way. Show us all. Your undeniable manliness and true Alpha nature, combined with the unthinkable horrors that all those instigator women forced upon your irresistible self make you a true enigma - something really, really special.
> 
> ...


Not just a threadjack, but a sarcastic threadjack.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> It was remarkably easy 30 years ago. For those who wanted it.


Agree. It was likely always easy for women to cheat. After all, the women had to be cheating with men. 

There are studies that show that women are better at hiding affairs. 

Also, because many women are home alone all day, while the husband works, they simply have more opportunity. 

Lastly, A Women may have more incentive to hide an affair than does a man. Particularly if the women is not able to support herself well.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

remorseful strayer said:


> Agree. It was likely always easy for women to cheat. After all, the women had to be cheating with men.
> 
> There are studies that show that women are better at hiding affairs.
> 
> ...


It seems to me to be swings and roundabouts. The 50s, 60s and 70s was dominated by the type of urban planning in which where one lived was to be totally cutoff from everything else, AKA the Bedroom Towns. 

Families really thought that they had arrived when they could afford to live in one of those but then that meant that men had long commutes into work and could commit hanky panky in places where he is less likely to encounter a nosey neighbor.

OTOH, the wife is at home with nothing to do and bored to tears. As John Calvin wrote in the 16th century, the idle mind is a playground for the devil.

I read a corporate history about Procter & Gamble. One of its chapters discussed how in the 60s and 70s, a random knock on the door in certain Cincinnati neighborhoods would bring out a housewife in midday either already strung out on alcohol or valium. Was that considered the better alternative?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

remorseful strayer said:


> Agree. It was likely always easy for women to cheat. * After all, the women had to be cheating with men. *
> 
> There are studies that show that women are better at hiding affairs.
> 
> ...


Not always. Way back then in the early 1980s my first long term girl friend was cheating with another woman.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Not always. Way back then in the early 1980s my first long term girl friend was cheating with another woman.


Sorry, Matt Matt, that was likely quite a shock. 

It's not as uncommon as people think, though.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I read a corporate history about Procter & Gamble. One of its chapters discussed how in the 60s and 70s, a random knock on the door in certain Cincinnati neighborhoods would bring out a housewife in midday either already strung out on alcohol or valium. Was that considered the better alternative?


A very valid point.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I honestly think women have always cheated as much as men. I think women will also tend to 'minimize" their sexual history and escapades. I think the apparent increase I'm female infidelity is simply exposure in an environment with fewer serious repercussions for getting caught for women. 
In the last 20 years I have personally seen about 40 instances of infidelity and only 2 were wayward husbands.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

btdt said:


> One interesting point raised in the article is the disparity in how infidelity is treated between women and men in entertainment media. A cheating women is usually a much more sympathetic figure. Her motives for cheating more noble (love, abuse, neglect). Often she escapes consquences for her actions and often ends up better off than before her cheating. A cheating man is almost always cast as the villian. His motives are more base (sex). The cheating male character almost always gets his comeuppance.
> 
> The reason for this disparity is that these stories are obviously geared towards a female audience, which suggests there's a latent demand among women for this type of entertainment. There really doesn't seem to be a comparable demand among men for entertainment that glamorizes infidelity for men they way you often seem it portrayed for women.
> 
> The one place you might expect male infidelity to be glamorized would be in porn, but you really don't see if there either. There's a lot more porn out there about cheating wives than cheating husbands. Rather than glamorizing infidelity for men, porn tends to play more into their insecurities.


Absolutely true, and this is the same mindless drool that so- called experts have been broadcasting on daytime talk shows for years (which are mostly watched by women also).

When a man cheats-- he's a low-life dirty dog. When women cheat-- they're not getting something they need from their husband, essentially giving them a free pass, which many are deciding to use. "My husband didn't comfort me enough when I was sick-- of course I cheated. Dr Phil says it's OK."

I don't see this trend changing until this mentality is defeated. When a man cheats-- its bad! When a woman cheats-- it's just as bad. No excuses and no 'get out jail free cards'.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

It's always easier for women always has been!! They just seem to have a better moral code then men most of the time.

Any average woman at any bar, club, shoot almost anywhere could get laid if she wanted. Guys on the other hand not so much!! Unless they are willing to pay $$$$ which again proves which sex it is easier for.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

btdt said:


> One interesting point raised in the article is the disparity in how infidelity is treated between women and men in entertainment media. A cheating women is usually a much more sympathetic figure. Her motives for cheating more noble (love, abuse, neglect). Often she escapes consquences for her actions and often ends up better off than before her cheating. A cheating man is almost always cast as the villian. His motives are more base (sex). The cheating male character almost always gets his comeuppance.
> 
> The reason for this disparity is that these stories are obviously geared towards a female audience, which suggests there's a latent demand among women for this type of entertainment. There really doesn't seem to be a comparable demand among men for entertainment that glamorizes infidelity for men they way you often seem it portrayed for women.
> 
> The one place you might expect male infidelity to be glamorized would be in porn, but you really don't see if there either. There's a lot more porn out there about cheating wives than cheating husbands. Rather than glamorizing infidelity for men, porn tends to play more into their insecurities.


The entire "cheating wife" porn depiction and reference revolves around a weak minded impotent husband with no game, so she has to take care of matters outside the house.

How often does a "cheating wife" potray increased sexual potency in the cheated on husband?


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## Almost There (Oct 23, 2013)

I have to say that I do feel like cheating/affairs have been romanticized a bit. I don't think that's right at all - there's nothing romantic about breaking your spouse's heart!

I also think that, unfortunately, the internet has made it MUCH easier to cheat - especially with EAs. And as previously mentioned, the genders mix more easily nowadays, (especially in the workplace) which is good!... but also bad, for people with blurry boundaries or not such great self control. It's very easy to slip into too much familiarity with someone, I think much easier for people with good intentions to get into trouble that way. (I bet there are many more people with good intentions who were like "how'd we end up talking for so long?" vs. "Oh my gosh, how'd I end up naked in bed with them!?" lol)


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

remorseful strayer said:


> Sorry, Matt Matt, that was likely quite a shock.
> 
> It's not as uncommon as people think, though.


I didn't date for 4 or 5 years. In fact, a couple I knew were so concerned that they set me up on a date with a friend of theirs. Who turned out to be more than a little bit odd!


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

remorseful strayer said:


> She also later taunted my wife by claiming that she targeted my wife for friendship to get closer to me and to find out the weak spots in our marriage.


What a c#%&!!!!! I've heard of despicable, but that takes the cake.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

I am sure it has gotten easier for both sexes. 

I would say that women get a bigger cop-out than men do. 

For example, I know a guy, high up in his field, that cheated on his wife. And people talked about his lack of class and loyalty, and his thinking with the wrong head. 

Now, what if someone made a joke to the effect of maybe if his wife was more open in bed, he wouldn't have strayed? That person would be branded a perv or an ass for even suggesting it by most people. 

Now, for a woman to cheat, what happens? We ask what did the husband/boyfriend do, or not do. 
Last week, a coworker made a joke saying I must be suffering from ED. When I asked him about it, he joked why else would my wife go looking elsewhere if she couldn't get it from home?

Do I even need to say how emasculating that is? At 32, being told I must have ED otherwise my XW wouldn't have wandered.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

It all depends but I think it might be harder now. My WW had a two year PA back in '88 and I just found out about it last year on d-day when she told me. There were no itemized phone bills, no texting, no emails, no FB, social media, VARs, Key loggers, online phone tracing and background checks. My WW just bonked some guy at work who just happened to be the brother of her best friend. "Where you going honey?" "Oh just going over to Lou Ann's for awhile." Right. :scratchhead: Yeah, good times. At least I caught her this time.


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

I wholeheartedly agree with most of the posters here. When a guy messes around, he's called everything but a child of God. But when a woman does that to her spouse, the universal reaction (especially in the mainstream media) is that he just HAD to do something to warrant her doing it. It has gotten to the point where a guy's manhood is questioned by other men after his wife has an affair. He knows that the boys will forever rag him about not being 'man enough' to keep her from straying. He could be the most attentive millionaire in the world with a 13" personality and he will still feel like a troll after Dr. Phil or Steve Harvey finishes with him.

Yes, its a double standard; one that will hopefully change one day...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Simon Phoenix said:


> I wholeheartedly agree with most of the posters here. When a guy messes around, he's called everything but a child of God. But when a woman does that to her spouse, the universal reaction (especially in the mainstream media) is that he just HAD to do something to warrant her doing it. It has gotten to the point where a guy's manhood is questioned by other men after his wife has an affair. He knows that the boys will forever rag him about not being 'man enough' to keep her from straying. He could be the most attentive millionaire in the world with a 13" personality and he will still feel like a troll after Dr. Phil or Steve Harvey finishes with him.
> 
> Yes, its a double standard; one that will hopefully change one day...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It happens even on these very pages. You can see lots of WW's, even if remorseful now, full of excuses and blame for why they did what they did. And VENOM if you dare disagree or call them out on it.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Another thing is the Internet makes an easy conduit for women especially stay at home housewives to cheat. My junk mailbox is full of advertising from websites promoting "Horney Housewives looking for Fun", or other websites like it. Somebody must be signing up for these sites or they wouldn't be so plentiful.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I, too, am a proponent that women do have the inclination as well as the fortitude to cheat on an equal with men, or even perhaps exceed them statistically. More especially with the sophisticated technology available to them today.

They are far more secretive than their male counterparts, and usually get caught either wanting to do so to give fast closure to their unhappy marital relationship, or slip up minutely by communicating about it to some "trusted" third party, and by not adequately hiding the trace elements of their sordid evidence or their illicit activities!*


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

I think it is easier for both sexes to cheat. Look at what technology has provided: AM, Craigslist, Facebook even Grindr if that's your thing. On the flip side, it's much easier to catch a cheater these days. GPS, email traces, IM's, cell phone logs, VAR, nanny cam, etc. It used to be that you would have to be able to afford a private investigator to catch infidelity. Now you just need minimal sleuthing abilities to nail them.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't want to blame one sex over another for cheating.

I am more interested in identifying the personality, character, situations, etc that lead to infidelity.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> I don't want to blame one sex over another for cheating.
> 
> I am more interested in identifying the personality, character, situations, etc that lead to infidelity.


I'd rather identify that cheating happened, then give the cheater the boot.


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## remorseful strayer (Nov 13, 2012)

Juicer said:


> Now, for a woman to cheat, what happens? We ask what did the husband/boyfriend do, or not do.
> Last week, a coworker made a joke saying I must be suffering from ED. When I asked him about it, he joked why else would my wife go looking elsewhere if she couldn't get it from home?
> 
> Do I even need to say how emasculating that is? At 32, being told I must have ED otherwise my XW wouldn't have wandered.


Sad but true. 

My former affair partner, told me she was no longer interested in sex with her husband. He was and she told me she often hid in the guest room on the computer late into the night, claiming she was working, in order to wait until he fell asleep so he wouldn't approach her for sex, when she got into bed. 

She was definitely the one not interested. Her husband is a nice looking guy, too. IMO, He is actually a couple notches above her looks wise.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Juicer said:


> I am sure it has gotten easier for both sexes.
> 
> I would say that women get a bigger cop-out than men do.
> 
> ...


How they say it "you must not have been hitting it right". It's the default assumption. 

I think it is better put to say when the ladies do it, people are defensive for her, because the husband must be doing something wrong or not satisfying her.

Where if the male does it, he is demonized. They go offensive on the man.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

vellocet said:


> I'd rather identify that cheating happened, then give the cheater the boot.


the point here is to be able to identify a future / potential problem before it becomes your problem. 

I was glad that I learned from the problems I had in my failed marriage related to OSFs, so when I became in deep with my (future) fiance I knew that his "just a friend ex" was one of those predatory types with whom there was no possibility of coexistence.

In fact, I had predicted some of her acts and behaviors. When my fiance let me see the texts between them, I felt vindicated.

for example:
1. She advised him to drop me.
2. As she was 21 years younger than I am, she made an issue of my age.
3. As he told her that I was getting diagnosed for cancer, she compared her(relative) health to being better than having cancer. 

I saved myself a lot of agro, heartache and time wasted, by accepting that some women like getting their hooks into men and do not let go. So I knew -- from experience-- what my bottom line had to be.


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

When my FWH went NC with POSOW, she was still fishing via my step-daughter. I saw a text from FWH to daughter stating "She needs to make things right with her H", and daughter replied, "She can't, he's an a$$hole and an alcoholic"

So, while I'm not sure if it's easier for women to cheat, others seem to buy into their REASONS (exit affair). BTW, POSOW did R with her H, but I hear she's got a new AP:nono:


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## Insanity (Oct 28, 2013)

jessi said:


> the whole mind set of today accepts more than it used to, it's in every movie, tv show, every family.......it just seems like it is the thing to do now a days, marriage vows seem to be disposable to a lot of people out there, the technology makes it very easy to be in the moment with inappropriateness and the partner is none the ware.......it's sad really that commitment and respect are no longer the corners stones of life anymore......it seems that revolving values for the moment is accepted......sad


:iagree:


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## Insanity (Oct 28, 2013)

InlandTXMM said:


> I would believe women are cheating more, for three primary reasons:
> 
> 1) Financial independence whereas in the past that was not the case,
> 2) Availability of partners through tech and work
> 3) *Two generations of males who no longer know how to be men.*


:iagree:


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

I don't know why we're surprised. We live in a society that worships women and has nothing but contempt for men.


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## amusenet (Jul 12, 2013)

Of course the increase in women's financial independence and the availability of opportunities on the internet and workplace is one thing.

But as others have said it seems to me it's society's attitude that makes it easier these days. Part of this I think is that the solidarity amongst people who claim to be acting in the cause of feminism is often used to defend almost any kind of misbehaviour on the part of women and by default assign fault to men, even if they're the ones cheated on.

There's a kind of unwritten "though shalt not criticise another woman's actions" commandment that people think they're being good progressive citizens by upholding.

So like when this article by Judith Woods got published in the Telegraph (same paper again!) criticising Kate Winslet for having three children from three husbands, everyone rallies round to defend against the attack.

Three babies by three fathers – will it be third time lucky for Calamity Kate Winslet?

Then the responses:

Google search results

Bu thten I think the sad thing is it seems everyone, committed feminist or not, male/female, seems to more or less think the same thing. The default stereotype is, men are either the aggressive, angry, sex obsessed, violent abusive bad guys of relationships, or otherwise they're lazy, layabout, useless impotent types that deserve to be cheated on.

I fact I'm pretty sure I would have thought the same thing myself pre DDay. It just doesn't seem real to think that women can be so malicious and destructive. It's kind of hard to reconcile the idea that people who seem so sweet, pretty, interested in baking, flowers and home furnishing can also be so callous and unkind.

Bad luck if you're a guy who gets cheated on. As well as everything else you have to deal with, you also have people assuming there must have been something very wrong in the way you handled your marriage. I found I even thought it about myself at first. 

It does feel like there's some kind of conspiracy of silence about the whole idea of women being unfaithful and walking out on perfectly good husbands, because I'd never even heard of it before it happened to me.

xx


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Vanguard said:


> I don't know why we're surprised. We live in a society that worships women and has nothing but contempt for men.


I agree on the general level with this.

The thing that hurt me with my wife's betrayal was all of the negativity about me. It was my friend's and family's comments or questions to me about "what did you do that may have caused it?" that hurt the most.

My second son did not speak to ME for a year after I decided to D after my exWW's two seperate affairs. He was fed a pack of lies by my ex and her parents. Not sure why he bought it.

I was not a flawless man, but I was a damn good husband and father.

This probably is a large factor in the thread about men not being able to R or forgive infidelity as well as women.

Wonder why men are now meto or gay?

Wonder why men are fearful of commitments?

Society had a war of the sexes. There were victories and defeats. One defeat was the perceived value of men in the family.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> the point here is to be able to identify a future / potential problem before it becomes your problem.


It won't ever become my problem again. I simply won't be entering any commitments so that someone can use some rough spell or argument as an excuse to cheat. Never going to take that chance again.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

My opinion on this is comes from a bombshell a guy dropped on me in my teens. We were talking about how things are so much harder now then they were back in the day. He looked at me and said "no they weren't we did the same stuff you guys did except we could get away with it." 
I really don't think Affairs have gotten worse I think the increased availability has enabled people to discover affairs. Seriously try having an affair these days. Back in the 80's you had to worry about the gossip or the OW slipping up. Now between twiter,facebook, instagram, linked in, e-mail, cell phone, land phone , easy online access to records, bank statements, call logs, gmail, yahoo, rocketmail, hotmail, msn, windows live mail, and the list goes on. There are too many factors and too many ways to slip up now vs then. So I think the same amount of people are cheating just fewer and fewer are getting away with it.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Why should men or women be faithful? Who believes in Heaven or Hell? All of these nominal Christians who fornicate like monkeys keep popping up in threads. How many TAM threads involve infidelity and church? We live in an age of permissive consumerism. If people feel marriage is like a happiness producing consumer good, they will return unsatisfactory spouses. They will not show loyalty to old brands.

The problem of gender and cheating is that women check out emotionally and men are poorly prepared to being disposed of like an old Motorola telephone when a new Apple smart phone is in the shops.

Once a contraceptive lubricant that protects well against STDs comes on to the market, then the number of cheaters will rise dramatically.


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## amusenet (Jul 12, 2013)

Yep the increase in women's financial independence and the availability of opportunity on the internet and workplace is one thing. That definately makes divorce more likely than before, if not affairs.

But as others have said it seems to me it's society's attitude that makes it easier these days. Part of this I think is that the solidarity amongst people who claim to be acting in the name of progressive thinking or feminism, which gets used to defend almost any kind of misbehaviour on the part of women and by default assign fault to men, even if they're the ones cheated on.

There's a kind of unwritten "though shalt not criticise another woman's actions" commandment that people think they're being good progressive citizens by upholding.

So like when this article by Judith Woods got published in the Telegraph (same paper again!) criticising Kate Winslet for having three children from three husbands, everyone rallies round to defend against the attack.


Three babies by three fathers – will it be third time lucky for Calamity Kate Winslet?

And then all the angry responses:

Google search results

The sad thing is it seems everyone, progressive or not, male/female, seems to more or less think along the same lines. The default stereotype is: men are either the aggressive, angry, sex obsessed, violent abusive bad guys of relationships, or otherwise they're lazy, layabout, useless impotent types that deserve to be cheated on.

I fact I'm pretty sure I would have thought the same thing myself pre DDay. It just doesn't seem real to think that women can be so malicious and destructive. It's kind of hard to reconcile the idea that people who seem so sweet, pretty, interested in baking, flowers and home furnishing can also be so callous and unkind.

Bad luck if you're a guy who gets cheated on. As well as everything else you have to deal with, you also have people assuming there must have been something very wrong in the way you handled your marriage. I found I even thought it about myself at first. 

It does feel like there's some kind of conspiracy of silence about the whole idea of women being unfaithful and walking out on perfectly good husbands, because I'd never even heard of it before it happened to me.

x


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