# Sexless Marriage: From My Perspective



## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

I've been reading a lot of the threads here on sexless marriages. I have been "researching" as much as I can on how to fix my own sex life, as it is pretty sexless as well. However, I am the one who has "low" drive, while my husband has high drive. 

It wasn't always this way. I used to eat, breath, and dream sex. I used to go down on my man, do all sorts of positions, try new things, we had a great sex life! I was pretty uninhibited, and really enjoyed all we did together. 

We have been married for 12 years and for the past several years especially, it has been pretty sexless. I have gained weight, which I have been unable to lose despite all the dieting, supplements, and exercise I have attempted. I even went down to one small salad a day JUST to see if I could drop anything, and the scale has not budged. This of course, is a huge blow to me as I see so many of my friends think about losing weight and drop it like it's nothing. 

The ONLY way I can even have sex with my husband is if I imagine myself as anyone else but me. If I am myself to myself, I'm a dead fish...NO amount of sweetness, foreplay, or sweet talking is going to get me in the mood. I tense up, stiffen, and just grow distant and cold. 

My husband HAS cheated on me in the past. We tried for a year after to work it out, then separated for a year because I couldn't handle it. We then got back together after a year of separation and have been working on things since. We have had counseling, and he really goes out of his way to make me feel like I am wanted and loved. He helps around the house, tells me I'm beautiful, tries to cuddle with me as much as possible, etc. He knew how much I wanted to live in the country so he moved us to five acres, and we are even raising chickens.

I know he feels rejected and like he doesn't please me (he tells me this) because I'm never in the mood for sex. No amount of me telling him that isn't the case helps, of course, for obvious reasons. 

When we do have sex, it's pretty much missionary only. I feel to disgusting, ugly, and undeserving to do anything else.

The truth is, I'm never in the mood because I can't see how he could want to be with me when I'm overweight. Because I can't stand it and all my attempts to change that have failed. (Currently getting tests run at the dr's office and going to a weight loss class to get help.) 

Buying nice clothes to help me "feel better" about myself is not an option. I'm short and fat so options are limited. In fact, clothes shopping is an emotional battering ram for me and I just wind up in tears. Top that off with being financially stretched and clothes become a low priority.

I also have fibromyalgia that I am currenlty "not" being treated for. I had given up ALL my meds a couple of years ago in hopes that the weight would drop. 

Thinking really hard over my situation I have come up with a few conclusions:

1. I can't help but think he has to pretend I'm someone else since I have to do it myself. 

2. I do not feel good enough, pretty enough, right for him. 

3. I'd rather have sex "by myself" as I'm imagining I'm someone else so I can't disappoint. 

Now, it does not help that my husband admitted to me that he never should have married me and had kids with me. I was not "his type" at all. Now he says that even though I wasn't his type before, I am now. (WTF? To me that sounds like he just doesn't want to be divorced and taken to the cleaners.)

I just read so much about how if the marriage is "sexless" the withholding spouse must be cheating so "show him/her the door. Truth is, it could be the spouse has low self esteem/confidence issues like me. Perhaps they have physical pain they do not wish to verbally complain about. Maybe they don't feel good enough. Maybe an event occured that has given them a mental block. 

All I can share is my situation in hope it gives someone a different view of what could be going on. 

I'm working on improving myself and trying to tear down these mental blocks I have so our marriage and sex life can improve. I have been to individual counseling with sevearl therapists over the years to try and "fix myself." I read self help books. I bought new makeup, got a new hair cut...I'm really trying. But so far, I'm not improving at all. I do not feel any better, more comfortable, or more receptive.


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Sounds to me like your husband doesn't deserve you. He has cheated on you AND told you he shouldn't have married you??? WTF?? It is no wonder you struggle.

Personally I think you deserve kudos for at least trying. I am still not sure if my marriage is technically "sexless" but my wife isn't even trying...


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Thanks for your post. Very insightful and always great to hear from someon who is low/no drive. Gives us all food for thought.

A couple of points I'd like to make regarding your post.

1. His affair- Did the low/no sex drive appear before or after this? Aslo, have you truly found peace with this situation? If not, it's something you'll need to do in order to move on effectively.

2. As you said, you have some mental blocks. One thing that may help is asking yourself if you trust your husband to never lie to you. In my relationship, I never lie, not even to sugar coat something. If my fiancee asks if some outfit makes her butt look big, and her butt looks big in it, I'll tell her "it makes your butt look big." In my opinion, if you can't handle the truth, don't ask the question.

If you trust your husband to not lie to you (something hard to do considering the affair), then you should trust him if he says you are attractive. Considering you don't seem to want sex with him anyways, if he really found you unattractive he'd just not bother asking for sex in the first place. Why get rejected by someone you don't really want sex with anyways if you don't have to? He likely does want you very much.

3. For a man to want sex with his wife, it's also not all about sex. Rather, it's also about intimacy and a physical bond with his wife. Think of it like getting a hug from your husband when you need one. It feels good and leaves you feeling loved and cared for. Now imagine if your husband said "I don't feel in the mood to give you a hug today. I'm tired and I think if you hug me you'l feel my fat rolls so I'd rather not hug you." Do you really give a crap above his love handles, or are you more concerned with the fact you need closeness with your partner and he's denying it and shutting you out?

4. While your husband shouldn't have said "you're not my type" (unless you asked, in which case, as I said before, don't ask unless you can handle the truth), it's very possible for one person to grow to make another their type. That's what love can do. Thing is, you must be at least somewhat his type anyways, or why would he have wanted you before love came into the picture?

You need to stop beating yourself up about this and focus on the positives. Unless many spouses who are low/no drive, you are trying to improve the situation. Kudos to you and way to go. But loathing in a mudhole of self-pity isn't going to work in your favor. Relax, regroup and keep trying. And listen objectively to what your husband has to say. You're already decoding what he's saying instead of listening to what he's saying and taking it at face value.

I wish you well on your journey and I hope you keep us updated on your efforts and your successes. God bless.


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

My low/no drive happened after the affair. After that, I couldn't stand him to touch me at all. It made me ill. For years the thought of kissing him only made me think of where his lips were and totally grossed me out. 

Do I trust him not to lie to me? Sadly, no. There have been multiple instances where he has lied to me about another woman. It's not been a one time event. 

I expect the truth when I ask. That does NOT mean it doesn't hurt, or cause injury. 

In the past, when I have told him I wanted a divorce and to leave because that way he can be with someoen else, he gets really upset and tells me how much he loves and wants only me. How he doesn't want to lose me and the kids. 

I look at him sometimes and just feel how much I love him, and how sad it makes me that I can't be the sexual partner he wants. It's not a "choice." I just want to let you know that for me, I'm not with holding sex for punishment or anything like that. My mental blocks make it so I "can't" relax and drop my guard. 

It is incredibly difficult. He does all the right things but I'm my walls are so high, I just can't ground myself. 





frustr8dhubby said:


> Sounds to me like your husband doesn't deserve you. He has cheated on you AND told you he shouldn't have married you??? WTF?? It is no wonder you struggle.
> 
> Personally I think you deserve kudos for at least trying. I am still not sure if my marriage is technically "sexless" but my wife isn't even trying...


My husband would probably say the same thing, that I'm not trying. He has no idea all the reading I've done about getting myself more into sex, how to lose weight, better my self esteem.


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## MaybeItsMe? (Oct 26, 2011)

You are an amazing person, you see you have an issue and here you are talking about it and trying to work on it. For that alone you get 5 stars from me. 

*****

If my wife was anything like you I would be so happy!


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

RavenWolf said:


> My low/no drive happened after the affair. After that, I couldn't stand him to touch me at all. It made me ill. For years the thought of kissing him only made me think of where his lips were and totally grossed me out.
> 
> Do I trust him not to lie to me? Sadly, no. There have been multiple instances where he has lied to me about another woman. It's not been a one time event.
> 
> ...


Now we are only hearing your side here, and I hate to judge based on just one side, but from what you've explained it sounds like your husband has the work to do more so than you.

He has helped build those walls, he needs to help tear them down. If he says you're not trying, politely ask him how he has come to that conclusion. Have a list prepared of all the different things you've tried (such as dropping your meds to lose weight, weight loss programs, coming on this forum, etc.) and read that list to him, then ask him what else you should try because you are more than willing to try it (unless there is something you won't do, be clear on that).

Get him involved and make him help you. 

I'd suggest a simple sit down discussion. Make it clear from the top this isn't an argument, you just want to explain your side clearly and in a non-combative way. I'd assume most of the time this issue has arisen it's been in either a fight or out of sadness. Bring it up in a more formal, collected sense and just talk about it like adults.

I sense you are still very hurt and hostile regarding the affair(s?). And you rightfully should be. While you acknowledge you must eventually move past these affairs in order for your marriage to work, you don't appear to be there yet. Explain this to him, but also explain you want to move past it and you want him there with you to do it. Point out that this is still a sore spot without giving him the guilt trip again. 

Is therapy or counselling out of the question for you or for the both of you? If not, go to it. If he won't go, go by yourself.

Finally, one piece of advice I'd give is to not say things which won't move you towards your goal, such as saying you want a divorce. I don't know if you say that now, but saying things like that won't help. Hold words like that back until you not only mean them, but are ready to act on them. 

Have you thought about having your husband read this thread and chime in as well? He may get a little flak regarding his affair, but for the most part people here really want to help and it is a good sounding board for ideas for your marriage.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

This is why cheating is a dealbreaker for me. Despite being thin I'm still waaaaaayyyyy too insecure to ever recover from a betrayal such as that. And then to add insult to injury he's stated he shouldn't have married you??? WTH?

A woman's sex organ is in her brain not her body. Your husband says all the right things NOW but his harsh words have not been undone yet....not even close.

I too give you 5 stars for trying. If I were in your shoes I wouldn't feel very sexy either and it would have nothing to do with my dress size.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

You sound like an ideal wife and wish mine was more like you.

You are not the issue and are just fine the way you are.

You shouldn't have to be doing all the reading and changing. He did the deed, not you. He should be bending over backwards, begging for forgiveness and doing whatever to earn your love and trust again.

Totally understandable, low to no sex drive after he cheated on you.

Why would a guy cheat on a hot wife with a healthy sex drive???? I don't understand.......


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I think perhaps you should work with someone on your self esteem. You say money is tight. Perhaps a work group insurance plan would cover the cost. 

My suspicion is underneath it all you are disgusted by your husbands betrayal. You feel no affection towards him as understandably when he gets close all you can think about is where his mouth has been. For some reason you've turned this lack of arousal around and are blaming yourself for it. 

Losing weight it a tricky thing. For some it comes off easily while others struggle. Generally you want to consume enough nutrition to keep yourself healthy while sparking your metabolism through exercise. 

The key with diet is to consume low calorie high nutrition foods. Do some research or consult a nutritionist to help identify what those foods are. Generally the less refining the healthier the food. Vegetables, whole grains, lean meats etc. If you simply cut back consumption you're setting yourself up to succumb to cravings as your body looks to obtain missing nutrients. What you want to do is fill yourself up with healthy food so you're not craving the junk. 

For exercise pick something you enjoy. You're more likely to stick with it if it's fun. Some like to exercise alone while others prefer to join groups for extra motivation.


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

I'm far from perfect and with my weight gain, no longer hot either. But thank you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I'm sure you are hot, but just don't think so.

I've learned about a way to lose unwanted weight and it works. Free too.

Intermittent Fasting. No food, only water for 16 hrs, then eat all your normal daily calories in the remaining 8 hrs. Your body starts consuming its unwanted weight, spikes HGH, grows muscles and BF% drops. Weights and cardio at home so no serious money needed. My 2 cents. Once you find out how many calories you need to gain or lose weight, it's easy from that point.


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

I'm not the only one working on the marriage right now. My husband is really working to sweep me off my feet. 

I am currently working on myself and trying to better my self esteem. It isn't easy, and I have been to counseling for it quite a lot actually. Several counselors and I'm still not better.

My husband has been doing a lot to improve how I'm feeling about myself as well. However, I have a really hard time accepting compliments and think they are not really meant. 

I will be trying the advice given to see if it helps, especially in regards to the weight loss. 

I am far from perfect. My house isn't spotless, and I can't get a job to save my life. Not even an interview! But I started homeschooling both kids this year so I'm busy with that. I have plenty of room for improvement, and so want to be so much better than I am.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It's admirable that you want to improve yourself. I sense that a boost in confidence would change many of the dynamics you're experiencing for the better.

Best wishes!


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Are you absolutely positive that your sexlessness happened after the affair? Not blaming you but his perspective may be different.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> I'm sure you are hot, but just don't think so.
> 
> I've learned about a way to lose unwanted weight and it works. Free too.
> 
> Intermittent Fasting. No food, only water for 16 hrs, then eat all your normal daily calories in the remaining 8 hrs. Your body starts consuming its unwanted weight, spikes HGH, grows muscles and BF% drops. Weights and cardio at home so no serious money needed. My 2 cents. Once you find out how many calories you need to gain or lose weight, it's easy from that point.


Does this work for your wife?


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

Sinnister, from what I remember, yes. Maybe he has a different perspective. I was pregnant when it happened. Trying to get him to post his side.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Getbusylivin (Dec 23, 2012)

My situation is basically the exact same,, only she uses the excuse that she doesn't want to have sex with kids in the house, and we have 3 kids and they are always in the house,,so I just tell her that is nothing but an excuse,, We have also separated and gotten back together and nothing has changed


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## Getbusylivin (Dec 23, 2012)

We should be able to close the door to our bedroom and lock it and have a normal emotional and physical relationship,, I shouldn't have to spend tons of money on a hotel room when I am paying for a complete roof over our heads already,, No all of our parents are gone,, the marriage should work in the home,, period,, If she would give just a smidgen of the effort that I give we would at least have relations once a year,, but she doesn't and it drags on for years and years, and It isn't a healthy environment for our kids which is why I moved out the first time,,


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

Getbusylivin said:


> We should be able to close the door to our bedroom and lock it and have a normal emotional and physical relationship,, I shouldn't have to spend tons of money on a hotel room when I am paying for a complete roof over our heads already,, No all of our parents are gone,, the marriage should work in the home,, period,, If she would give just a smidgen of the effort that I give we would at least have relations once a year,, but she doesn't and it drags on for years and years, and It isn't a healthy environment for our kids which is why I moved out the first time,,


I agree. A relaxing weekend away should be about getting away to relax, not about hoping to finally get laid.

Besides, it's unrelaistic and impractical to expect someone to get out of the house each time they want sex. Sex should be an expression of love in a marriage, and shouldn't require you to book holidays, make arrangements for babysitting, etc. It's sex in a marriage, not a job.


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

You are right, but sometimes life is so mundane and a change can be just what is needed to jump start things. Quality time away from the ordinary.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Getbusylivin (Dec 23, 2012)

Well stated,, and here is another point, they should want to have sex with you instead of making excuses why we shouldn't.. It should be an uncontrollable urge all the time and if they don't feel that way then they should be trying to fix it, or figure out what is wrong, not me cause my love and admiration for my wife is strong and never wavers,,


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## Getbusylivin (Dec 23, 2012)

Raven we have done that, we didn't have sex for 3yrs so we decided to get away and meet in New Orleans for a weekend, we made love twice and acted like we were dating again (it should be that way in our house all the time) we conceived our third child that weekend, she was mortified that she got pregnant and blamed me for not being careful, our son is 6yrs old and we basically haven't been together since.. And he is a blonde hair, blue eyed lottery winner and I am blessed to have him in my life,


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## MrsOldNews (Feb 22, 2012)

If I never orgasmed from sex I wouldn't want to do it with my SO either. Have you really tried all efforts to make that happen?


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

RavenWolf said:


> I have gained weight, which I have been unable to lose despite all the dieting, supplements, and exercise I have attempted. I even went down to one small salad a day JUST to see if I could drop anything, and the scale has not budged.


You've gained weight despite eating nothing more than one small salad per day and despite all the exercise you've attempted? Forget the dieting and supplements, if you're exercising and burning more calories than one small salad per day you're going to lose weight- that's simple human physiology.

My question is what do you define as "all the exercise you've attempted?" That's very subjective, vague and really doesn't mean anything on the face of it. 

I'm thinking it's far less than the minimum recommended 1 hr per day 5x per week of aerobic workouts and weight lifting, and I'm also wondering what else you might be eating (and drinking) besides "one small salad per day".

If you ARE exercising that much and you're really eating nothing more than one small salad per day and the scale hasn't budged, then there's only one possibility. The scale is broken.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> You've gained weight despite eating nothing more than one small salad per day and despite all the exercise you've attempted? Forget the dieting and supplements, if you're exercising and burning more calories than one small salad per day you're going to lose weight- that's simple human physiology.
> 
> My question is what do you define as "all the exercise you've attempted?" That's very subjective, vague and really doesn't mean anything on the face of it.
> 
> ...


My fiancee is on several anti-depression and anxiety medication. Sometimes, it makes her retain water like crazy. She has the same issue the OP stated, walking, treadmill, etc and could barely lose any weight, despite watching what she ate, including a diet of just salads. She lost one pound in total on her diet.

Now granted, I don't think my fiancee dieted as long as the OP did, but my point is that sometimes there's more to weight loss, and the lack of success, than a broken scale.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I've heard yo-yo dieting can lead your body into starvation mode whereby you gain weight with less and less calories. Obviously this is very unhealthy. I would never advocate losing weight by starving yourself. I think you have to eat healthy foods in healthy quantities and be active. It's not something you do until you get to your target weight than go back to old eating and activity habits but a lifelong change. 

Eat to Live by Joel Furhman gives a lot of good diet tips (not reducing food but substituting high nutrient high fiber foods for unhealthy ones) and explains why many well known diets set you up to fail.


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

Thank you for that, Kingsfan. I'd been on meds for years and am currently getting tested to see if I have any med reason for not losing. Sharkeey, at one point I was walking four miles a day with my dogs. As far as drinking...water and milk. Occasional sweet tea or soda. Gave soda and tea up completely gor a couple of months now. I have't had mayo in years and butter maybe 5 times a year. Hardly ever eat bad snacks. I gaclve up almost everything I love (coffee with sugar and cream still my guilty morning pleasure.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

RavenWolf said:


> Sharkeey, at one point I was walking four miles a day with my dogs. Hardly ever eat bad snacks. I gaclve up almost everything I love (coffee with sugar and cream still my guilty morning pleasure.)


Yeah walking 4 miles per day at one point falls way short of the required aerobic exercise needed to lose the weight and you're obviously consuming a lot more than "one small salad per day" since you still eat bad snacks and sweetening your coffee every morning and you've given up "almost everything" you love. Lots of grey area in there, and that's pretty much what I figured.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

A guilty pleasure is just cheating your diet.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Self esteem issues like the OP is suffering are horrifying, and can go a long way to a person leading a life far, far, far below their best standards. And it's not just women; as a man who dealt with much of the same BS the OP did ever since childhood, the effects are universal. I wouldn't wish bottom basement self esteem/body image issues on my worst enemy. This mindset is insidious, and extraordinarily destructive. 

No matter what happens with your marriage, you need to do everything humanly, and beyond, possible to rid yourself of the weight. It won't just kill your physical health, it's murdering your mind, and your spirit. 



CuddleBug said:


> Intermittent Fasting. No food, only water for 16 hrs, then eat all your normal daily calories in the remaining 8 hrs. Your body starts consuming its unwanted weight, spikes HGH, grows muscles and BF% drops. Weights and cardio at home so no serious money needed. My 2 cents. Once you find out how many calories you need to gain or lose weight, it's easy from that point.


Intermittent fasting is a miracle, and now thankfully more and more scientific studies are praising the positive, life extending effects.

It's the permanent way I eat now (along with a lower carb lifestyle). It's really helping me to shed some unwanted pounds, and since I've enjoyed fasting my entire adult life, it allows me to incorporate a practice that feels very natural to me.


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Self esteem issues like the OP is suffering are horrifying, and can go a long way to a person leading a life far, far, far below their best standards. And it's not just women; as a man who dealt with much of the same BS the OP did ever since childhood, the effects are universal. I wouldn't wish bottom basement self esteem/body image issues on my worst enemy. This mindset is insidious, and extraordinarily destructive.
> 
> No matter what happens with your marriage, you need to do everything humanly, and beyond, possible to rid yourself of the weight. It won't just kill your physical health, it's murdering your mind, and your spirit.


I absolutely agree. I have to lose this weight not just because of the physical health issues, but also because I hate myself. I started food journaling again so I can see what I am consuming.

As far as exercising and not getting an hour a day in, I'm physically unable to at this point. The point is, that I am trying and pushing myself to my limit and doing a little more each day. 

I highly doubt one home brewed cup of coffee a day with cream and sugar is killing my diet. But, just for the heck of it I am going to try not drinking coffee and see if there is any change in weight loss. I switched to tea, with nothing added. 

Hopefully the weight comes off, because I can't live like this anymore. 

As far as "intermittent fasting," do you just calculate 8 hours back from your bed time and start eating your calories then? 

Thank you for all the responses!


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

Reduction in any processed food will help you lose weight.
The biggest one I found to eliminate from my diet is white processed (enriched) flour...way too many foods have this and it is a killer.
I lost 30 lbs simply from eliminating it from my diet with no additional exercise.


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## Pravius (Dec 12, 2012)

My wife actually just learned that she has cilacs disease, which is an allergy to wheat (gluten). Just because she no longer eats gluten she has lost nearly 40 lbs in 4 mths with no exercise at all and she still eats sweets and stuff. 

If you do switch to Gluten free just make sure to take vitamins for and nutrient that is lacking in your diet. I have since switched to a gluten free diet (by choice) and I have lost around 10lbs in 2 weeks, no exercise. 

I do exercise as well, but have taken a small break for the holidays.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

IndyTM said:


> Reduction in any processed food will help you lose weight.
> The biggest one I found to eliminate from my diet is white processed (enriched) flour...way too many foods have this and it is a killer.
> I lost 30 lbs simply from eliminating it from my diet with no additional exercise.


I second this. I lost 26 pounds in about 2 1/2 months, simply by cutting bread out of my diet (much of the bread I did eat was white enriched), avoiding basic sweets like pop, and not eating less than 3 hours before my bedtime. I didn't exercise at all.

Now that the holidays are over, and I gained back 10 pounds, I'm back on the diet kick and doing the same methods.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I respectfully disagree with the concept of fasting. The human body is built with survive famine. Fasting boosts your bodies ability to survive on less calories and makes you susceptible to bingeing. Your body requires energy simply to remain alive so if you're not taking in calories something is being sacrificed and you're not going to be functioning on all cylinders. It may work but can't be healthy in the long term. They key is to find food that provides the nutrition you need without excessive calories. 

For instance you could eat 32.7 oz of spinach (213 calories, 1.2 oz of carbs, 0.1 oz fat and 0.9oz of protein) or 3.6 oz of beef (290 calories, 0 oz of carbs, 0.7 oz of fat and 0.9 oz of protein). Obviously you will be more full after eating the spinach than you will be after eating the beef not to mention the fiber and phytonutrients provided by the spinach which are absent in the beef.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I respectfully disagree with the concept of fasting. The human body is built with survive famine. Fasting boosts your bodies ability to survive on less calories and makes you susceptible to bingeing. Your body requires energy simply to remain alive so if you're not taking in calories something is being sacrificed and you're not going to be functioning on all cylinders. It may work but can't be healthy in the long term. They key is to find food that provides the nutrition you need without excessive calories.



The latest evidence is debunking a lot of this as unfounded nutritional myths. Many cultures throughout history, and even today, have regular fasting. In fact our hunter-gather ancestors did not eat every single day, on schedule, throughout the day. They tended it eat large meals after a kill, and would go long stretches of time without food. It is a totally modern, manufactured notion that human beings need to eat every single day, throughout the day. It's a myth manufactured by food companies.

Even all the talk about more meals stoking the metabolism, or fasting slowing it down, and the body eating away muscle tissue during fasting, are lies. The human metabolism will not slow down, nor will the body cannibalize muscle, if you do not eat even for two or three days. Those effects only kick in with long term fasting, or chronic, severe caloric restrictions. 

Evidence is pouring in now that implementing fasting into your diet can have astronomically positive effects on the human body. There is evidence that it can increase longevity, it's an incredible way to maintain body weight, and fasting even has incredible effects on insulin sensitivity, and the production of growth hormone (which actually aids in muscle preservation, and increased fat loss). This is the reason why some people can actually eat above maintenance calories, and still lose weight. 

Intermittent fasting is not starving, it's merely eating in shorter windows, and going longer without food. For many this allows more freedom of choice, and satiation, without needing to constantly watch calories as strictly. Also very, very few people report falling into a binge cycle. I know that personally IFing doesn't prompt me to binge...at all. But you know what did use to prompt me to binge? Eating high carb food, regularly. 

And for those still afraid of muscle cannibalization? You might want to take a look at the success stories of the Leangains program:

http://www.leangains.com/search/label/Client results

http://www.leangains.com/search/label/Success Stories


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