# Question for men - I would apreciate your candid opinion



## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

We've been engaged 3 years and married 4. Well I can't say it was love at first side for me however he is ok looking and made me feel good about myself.
If I think back he was so persistent and consistent in his efforts so I end up caring for him a lot. 
After years of bliss and problems (not between us - mostly us not having experiencing a downsize in the income and therefore in the life stile) he went to work in his birth country (which is Spain). 
Needless to say that is the youngest of three boys and the apple of his mother's eyes.
Spain's economy is troubled and he didn't get the same payment, has money issues and more problems than before.
Three weeks before when the issues with the money get though he started lashing out at me very ugly. Passed from missing me and me being the reason of waking up in the morning to me being the reason he is in such a bad spot and that he does not love me anymore and out of the blue wants a divorce
Besides the initial shock, I am lonely because being always with him and feeling guilty of living him alone I've pushed away my friends, my business is kind of dead and I'm already in advanced discussions with major universities in Spain to do an MBA ( one already accepted me). 
He is not happy at all, is telling me that he does not care what I do, that I can come but he wants to live with his parents and it feels like he wants to get revenge on me or something.
Of course, if he wants a divorce this is what he is going to get although is funny that our mind betrays us and he is still calling me "my love" - he never called me by my name except when he was angry. 
And I am confused because although I invested time and feelings in this relationship and we thought of growing old together - he is trying to hard to hurt my feelings and I am wondering : din he changed so much in 1 month and is telling the truth or is he in a place so dark that he wants me to suffer along?
I would appreciate to have guys answering this thread because although I truly care for him if he really means it I need to go on with my life, I need to mourn, cry but go on living. 
I attached a photo with us - maybe pictures say more than words

Thank you so much


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Can't see the photo.

Based on what you posted, his actions seem out of character.
Have you investigated whether he seeing another woman?

Unless he's suffering from depression or some other disorder,
His actions seem very odd.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

To display a photo you can use imgur.com


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

A man's success in the workplace can most definitely determine his approach towards his partner. If he feels insecure in his role as a provider he may push you away as a way to heal the guilt of failure.

I'm the same way, and I always said that if my business fails then I would divorce my wife. Ironically my business never failed and I'm divorcing her for a completely different reason.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

http://imgur.com/bX4graM 
The link with the photo, hopes it works

Perhaps I should go back and say it is not so out of character because in all those years we had few setbacks based on the house he grew up in and the strange power his mother has over him. Stuff like she likes that he drives her somewhere instead of her own husband. She knows his friends. Went out with him and his friends couple of times etc. 
Before you jump to ideas she is old and showing it. However she had three boys, he is the youngest and she manipulated him the most. The thing she used to tell me over and over was "I don't know what you did to him but he never wanted to marry until you". 
She and I had our quarrels. I am a strong woman, I've run businesses and I was tired of being told what to do and how. 
More than that out of the three boys one never sees her and she does not know her grandchildren because she did something to his wife; the second one went to the other part of Spain and his wife is happy with the distance. 
Coming back to my husband as I said we had 2 smaller episodes before: 1 when he started acting thermonuclear with me out of the blue at the thought of having problems with money - we were supposed to be on a short cruise and I told him to get lost and go to mama (he had a shock that he is loosing me and straightened up); 2 one night before when I was having a major international fair for my most important client when out of the blue he bluntly told me that he is leaving me and was trying to say anything he could to hurt me - needless to say I didn't sleep the whole night and I was a zombby next day - after a day he called me and started crying that he doesn't know how to live without me and bla, bla - and well being in Berlin I had the opportunity to put him off for a week and tell him is the last time he goes bat crazy. 
So now in one month, after his ordeal in Spain - he never ever had problems with money in his life, after the fact that he is close to his mother and father and seeing his mother "suffering"for him that he has an un-suportive wife who in those times of "crises wants to do a MBA and has as a goal running a multinational (forgetting the fact that all things in life started from goals and I generally reach my goals) he comes out of the blue and started on being aggressive first, than on lashing out on me, than 3 weeks ago he started with the wants to be with his problems and his parents and will not live with me in Barcelona, than the divorce, than when I said I go along he pedaled back, than came back stronger and let escape some things that his parents are asking him what is he doing with his life, and yesterday said not that he does not love me but that his heart is empty and compared me with things such as my business that is over, his former job that he lost moving etc.
He is calling mi "mi amor" (which in spanish means my love) and he professed his hate towards me not in so many words but in the things he wants to do to me, he really wants to hurt me and see me suffer because somehow he believes that I've hurt him probably. 
Anyhow there is no other woman - if that will be the case he will kick me to the curb in a minute and he will not want to spend his life with me in in hurting me. It is strange. 
Somehow I think is the fact that he is alone because he keeps saying that and he also said that he does not see the moment when I get there. Altough I just need to sell the car, rent the house, decide on MBA, speak to professors about the job, chose one and get packing 
So as I said, what should I do? Take him at his word, give him the divorce (that is in Spain I get to decide) and let him drown himself or put my big ego aside and try to pack him up and see where it goes? The thing is that if this would not be my first marriage (and the only one as I hopped), if he was not such a big part of my life, if he was any other relationship I would have end it by now because what the ..., I am nobody's foll. But I have doubts...
Thank you so much guys I really value your opinion


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> A man's success in the workplace can most definitely determine his approach towards his partner. If he feels insecure in his role as a provider he may push you away as a way to heal the guilt of failure.
> 
> I'm the same way, and I always said that if my business fails then I would divorce my wife. Ironically my business never failed and I'm divorcing her for a completely different reason.


Hi, thank you for your input. Well you said it from the beginning. I used to be his life:


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

Caribbean Man said:


> Can't see the photo.
> 
> Based on what you posted, his actions seem out of character.
> Have you investigated whether he seeing another woman?
> ...


http://imgur.com/ie3x5at 

I've added a photo because sometimes they say more than words. 
Thank you for your answer and yes it does seem odd however he had two more mild "things" where he lashed out at me once because of imaginary money problems he got very verbally aggressive out of the blue : while we were in our first year of dating when I basically told him to get lost in so many words ( we were on a boat, on a short 1 day cruise) and to emphasize my point I want above and ignored him for the rest of the trip until he came and begged me to forgive me. 
The second moment was stronger in intensity because I was preparing myself for a major fair in Berlin, for one of my most important clients and basically while speaking normally on the phone he started out of the blue to say that we need to break up, that he feels he has no space (although we were dating - I was in my house and almost never calling him) and when I told him to please let me be until after the fair he didn't want me to close the phone he just wanted to continue to be verbally abusive. It ended up with me not sleeping all night and next day in Berlin acting like I was on drugs. He basically called me in the evening as nothing had happened and when I did not answer insisted until I did. He was like"he can't live without me bla, bla". Well after a week of begin I let him off the hook. 

The problem is in his family. They are Spanish to the core, his father is native from Catalunia but his mother is from Sevilla and bat crazy. She is always screaming at her husband for no reason, she is speaking of intimate problems and making her husband feel inferior in front of all relatives, friends and strangers. My husband is her youngest of three sons and the only one she can get her hands on. The older has no relationship with her whatsoever ( she does not know her grandsons - because of something she din to his wife), the middle one left to the other side of Spain and his wife is happy with the arrangements and my husband is completely under her spell. 
She also has a strange relationship with him and told me in so many words that his son never wanted to marry until I came along (he being a sort of womanizer). 
I am not afraid he has an affair - if that will be the cause he would kick me to the curb faster than I can say it. He wants a divorce but is up to me and bottom line he just wants to hurt me and make me suffer. Well I kind of know the reason because how much as he loved me he placed a big accent on intimacy (hence the Latin lover however our private life was lacking ultimately not saying was non existent and this is because of me because I had two major issues: 1- I had issues with my appreciation of him as a man and as a provider because he didn't want to do nothing for six months and 2 - because I felt I was doing mostly everything I was feeling that "the me" I knew, the glamorous woman was regressing and I have major self-esteem issues and I blamed him for them. Added to that he felt I was un-supportive, when he went working to Barcelona and my business went south so he was supposed to help me with money, thing he didn't like, not because he is cheap but because he didn't make enough. 
So right now I do not know what to do and I know I can't take a decision until I we are together and see what is really happening to him. He is however in a very dark place, very depressed and he had episodes when he told me that I have one month to get to Barcelona. I still need to tight some loose ends such as sell the car, rent the house, take care of all the paper work for the master and pack everything and the two cats we have
I guess I am very confused and my pride is telling me to cut him loose and let him mourn however I still have feelings for him but my pride is winning


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> To display a photo you can use imgur.com


Thank you, sometimes the photos say more than words

imgur: the simple image sharer


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Yes, it is a strange thing with men.
Our self esteem is tied to our work. If we don't feel good about ourselves, then we don't feel as intimate with our wives. It is a self destructive thing.

I recently caught myself feeling mad and frustrated over a lull in my business. I felt some anger. I caught myself carrying some of that negativity over to my marriage feelings. I scolded myself.

some men will react much more negatively. They will become depressed and lash out at everything. It isn't right at all, but a basic emotion that we must fight.

I hope your husband can get a job or get his business going and then maybe you can get back on tract.

on the other hand, is this showing the true character of your husband?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Him moving away from you (to another country) should've been a red flag?

How did you accept this/let him go? Did you ever think of effects it would have on your relationship?

He either found a new woman or has completely given up on you.

I would recommend face to face discussion to gauge his feelings towards you and talk it out. 

But he clearly said he doesn't love you......so I'm not really sure what else there is or what you expect.

I would be prepared for divorce/start taking steps towards it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm not a man... but I agree with what the others have said. He's left you and wants out of the marriage.

You need to be make plans for a life without him. 

Does it make sense for you to move to Spain to get an MBA there if you are not in a marriage with him? If not, start looking for schools/programs where you want to have a life as a single woman.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Yep ^ agreed

Also going to Spain would be HUGE mistake. That country is in a LOT of trouble > stay away

OP, put your heart to the side and completely ignore your private parts.

THINK WITH YOUR BRAIN!!!! 

Do you want to be with a person that doesn't love you and abandoned the marriage completely?

I really hope your brain doesn't tell you yes.......

Good luck


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

DoF said:


> Him moving away from you (to another country) should've been a red flag?
> 
> How did you accept this/let him go? Did you ever think of effects it would have on your relationship?
> 
> ...


I should start that he is Spanish to the core and they love drama. First week I've stayed with his parents I had a nervous break down. He loves quarrels and making up - because that is what he still sees in his parents house every day (except the making up). On the other hand he will do everything for me as you will see below I just had a new development.

Well he moved to Spain because he is Spanish and we as a couple decided that he will go back and stay with his parents, make money and I will came after tying loose ends such as close the company, end the contracts, sell the car and rent the house.
I wish it would have been another woman: it would be clearer and easier We did discuss about that mostly concerning me than him (I mean he had two relationships before me where the women were cheating him) so he will kick me to the curb faster than I am writing it. 
Unfortunately he is in a very dark place - went to Spain to do things for us and everything went from bad to worse - his new employer is reducing his salary every month, he is unable to send me money any longer, in top of this he has a house bought on credit and the family that was renting the apartment and basically paying the loan wants to get back to China.

Maybe I should have started with the fact that my husband had other two episodes similar to this one while we were dating: the first one due to him thinking of imaginary money problems - it was our first year together and out of the blue he started being verbally aggressive. We were supposed to go on a short boat trip that day and we went so there I got so mad that I've told him to get to the lower deck because I do not want to see him and that at the end of the trip he could go and be the boss of his mother - well between his begging me and literally crying I forgive him.
Second episode was harder - I was going on a trip to Berlin ( organizing a delegation for a fair) for one of my biggest clients and we were talking on the phone ( we were still dating and lived in our own houses - well he with his parents) and out of the blue he becomes aggressive and starts telling me we have to break up, that he has no space etc. In that time as I said I was at my house, more busy with the firm than with him and hardly ever calling him. He kept me on the phone for one hour, if I hang up he kept calling and calling, land line, mobile threatening to call my father - he just wanted to be verbally aggressive and tell me hurtful things, he would just not stop. 
The next day I was in Berlin and he started calling me and calling me until I had to pick up ( I was with customers and couldn't put my pone on silence) he basically started saying that he can't live without me and after a week of begging I forgive him.
We got married, we had our fights but the biggest issue between us is not another woman or men or whatever is his sick relationship with his mother. God the woman was restless in trying to break us up, she tried everything even at the wedding. 
Basically she had three boys and he is the youngest and the only one she can manipulate - the older one does not want to see her, she does not know her grandsons, the middle one does not put up with her and moved to the other part of Spain and my husband is her life line. 
After moving he let slip few things about her doings. Yesterday when he called me he basically told me that I am not supporting of him, he does not believe in my feelings for him, he wants a divorce only if I doing it and basically he can't see the day I am getting to Spain allthough there are few months apart, he is alone and in a very dark place. 
So I am supposed to live him. I am going to Spain because he discovered that he wants a divorce three weeks ago. The first one was out of the blue during a normal conversation telling me that he loves me but so what, the second time we talked about this and I was very cold and told him I am going to do it he immediately started saying it that maybe we should think, that maybe he is mistaken and yesterday he wants to give the marriage another chance but for some unknown reason he wants me to be hurt and suffer. So this is my dilemma.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I'm not a man... but I agree with what the others have said. He's left you and wants out of the marriage.
> 
> You need to be make plans for a life without him.
> 
> Does it make sense for you to move to Spain to get an MBA there if you are not in a marriage with him? If not, start looking for schools/programs where you want to have a life as a single woman.


No matter what happens to us I love moving from country to country. I am going to Spain because they have ten of the most famous Universities in the world. The level of education is out through the roof. The Universities love me and they all pulling me to apply each one offering more: more things, more scholarships, fabulous jobs and well I am very ambitious.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

DoF said:


> Yep ^ agreed
> 
> Also going to Spain would be HUGE mistake. That country is in a LOT of trouble > stay away
> 
> ...


Wow I love Spain, the weather mostly. I speak fluent Spanish and I understand few dialects. Some of the most famous universities in the world and Spain are breaking the accepting rules for me, are writing me to apply asking for scheduling interviews, offering me great executive jobs and scholarships more than half of the tuition. 
And this is not because you may think Spain is in trouble economically but because I am an outstanding professional in line of business. 
If he abandons the marriage so be it but he wants me to do it he says he will stay married to me if I do not fail for divorce.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He sounds emotionally immature, very immature.

I really do not see how the most recent things he said changes anything. What he said is all over the place, nothing definitive.

Forget about what he wants. What do YOU want? 

If you say that you want to be with him, do you really think it's wise to turn your life upside down for a guy who changes his mind on an almost daily basis? Do you like the drama rollercoaster? I hope so because that's apparently what your life will be if you attempt to stay with him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

edgya1234 said:


> No matter what happens to us I love moving from country to country. I am going to Spain because they have ten of the most famous Universities in the world. The level of education is out through the roof. The Universities love me and they all pulling me to apply each one offering more: more things, more scholarships, fabulous jobs and well I am very ambitious.


Then if you want to spend some time in Spain, do it for yourself. I applaud that if this is how you feel about it.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

jorgegene said:


> Yes, it is a strange thing with men.
> Our self esteem is tied to our work. If we don't feel good about ourselves, then we don't feel as intimate with our wives. It is a self destructive thing.
> 
> I recently caught myself feeling mad and frustrated over a lull in my business. I felt some anger. I caught myself carrying some of that negativity over to my marriage feelings. I scolded myself.
> ...


Of course it is showing his upbringing and his Spanish nature ( I can't explain this except they love dramas). 
Is something like food. One month ago I was sick and besides being worried and calling three times a day he was angry he can't pick up a fight with me When he is getting like this whatever I say is bad. When he comes back from whatever hell he is in he is sorry and he totally understands what he did by himself because I am not the topical woman that will pamper her man when he does wrong. My pride says kick him to the curb, live him and make him cry his eyes out. The part of the brain that is mature says that I should wait until I go to Spain and see what he is up to. Because if he is in a very dark spot and lashes out at me because I am the closest person to him ( he just told me that he can't speak with nobody about what he is going through) and I live him in top of that and something happen to him ( like drinking, drugs) I will feel very guilty.... This is my dilemma


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

edgya1234 said:


> Hi, thank you for your input. Well you said it from the beginning. I used to be his life:


Well yes but he wants me to fail for divorce he will not do it, he will stay married. And the update from yesterday if I don't fail for divorce he wants to give another chance to the marriage, he says he is in a very dark place and let slip few things - he can't pay for an apartment for us to live in, he forbids me to pay for anything, he can only speak to me about how bad everything is for him financially and depending on his mother and he has a small but consistent history on lashing out on me and begging me to take him back


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

edgya1234 said:


> Of course it is showing his upbringing and his Spanish nature ( I can't explain this except they love dramas).
> Is something like food. One month ago I was sick and besides being worried and calling three times a day he was angry he can't pick up a fight with me When he is getting like this whatever I say is bad. When he comes back from whatever hell he is in he is sorry and he totally understands what he did by himself because I am not the topical woman that will pamper her man when he does wrong. My pride says kick him to the curb, live him and make him cry his eyes out. The part of the brain that is mature says that I should wait until I go to Spain and see what he is up to. Because if he is in a very dark spot and lashes out at me because I am the closest person to him ( he just told me that he can't speak with nobody about what he is going through) and I live him in top of that and something happen to him ( like drinking, drugs) I will feel very guilty.... This is my dilemma


He sound emotionally unstable. I do not buy the idea that his culture is all about being a drama addict. That's more about his temperament (maybe he's bi-polar?) and his upbringing.

I feel the pain of dealing with him just from what you have written. Just reading it is exhausting. Clear your head and re-read what you what you written about him. Read it many times. I think that you have been immersed in his emotional nonsense for so long that you cannot truly see how destructive it is.

He sounds unstable. Do you really want/need this instability in your life? How will it affect you, your career, etc?


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> He sounds emotionally immature, very immature.
> 
> I really do not see how the most recent things he said changes anything. What he said is all over the place, nothing definitive.
> 
> ...


Well he is in this bad place because of me Because he left everything for me and it was very bad for him. He had some hard years. He loves drama but most Spanish people I know do, is kind of in their blood. However if I live him now before going to Spain and seeing all the situation and he starts drinking or worse drugs I will feel very guilty


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> He sound emotionally unstable. I do not buy the idea that his culture is all about being a drama addict. That's more about his temperament (maybe he's bi-polar?) and his upbringing.
> 
> I feel the pain of dealing with him just from what you have written. Just reading it is exhausting. Clear your head and re-read what you what you written about him. Read it many times. I think that you have been immersed in his emotional nonsense for so long that you cannot truly see how destructive it is.
> 
> He sounds unstable. Do you really want/need this instability in your life? How will it affect you, your career, etc?


True it affected my career and my self esteem. However as you said I am going to Spain for MBA. I will see the situation for myself. I feel bad living him in this state without really knowing if it is his mother or not. On the other hand with his mother out of the picture he is extremely attentive, loving and very generous with everything. However he is sort of high maintenance: he wants a lot of my time and attention and I basically don't have the will to focus on some of the things he wants like businesses I know won't work.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

Gentlemen and ladies, 

Thank you so much for your reply. The truth is I need to just talk to strangers. People that do not know us. 
Everybody that knows him is on his side, even my snobbish family and my father (no matter that I am daddy's girl). My friends, the husbands of my friends is incredible. 
"He is not felling well, he has a lot of problems and has to deal with his mother on top of it.", is what my friends and family say.
People met his mother and they refer to her as the viper I am competing with a 66 year old woman who never wanted her son to marry and sabotaged our relationship at every step. 
The truth is all of you are wright at some point: he is 37 yo and he can make his own decisions, he is emotionally immature and he blames me for his errors instead of self motivating and going further.
He hates the MBA and he does not want me to talk about it. ( his mother opinion when he was very happy to finance if his business did not go south - was that I am doing an MBA to please my father). So now he hates it. 
Most of days I don't have time to think of him but then he calls me and the drama starts over.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

edgya1234 said:


> Of course it is showing his upbringing and his Spanish nature ( I can't explain this except they love dramas).


You miss my point entirely. I know many people from Spain. For the most part the ones I know do not get into drama like your husband does. You seem to use his culture as an excuse for his bad behavior and emotional immaturity. That’s the point.


edgya1234 said:


> Is something like food. One month ago I was sick and besides being worried and calling three times a day he was angry he can't pick up a fight with me When he is getting like this whatever I say is bad. When he comes back from whatever hell he is in he is sorry and he totally understands what he did by himself because I am not the topical woman that will pamper her man when he does wrong.


They “typical woman” does not pamper her man when he does wrong. I am point these things out because you seem to have a very distorted view of male/female interaction. What your husband does is not emotionally healthy and your reaction to it is not healthy either. While you say you do not pamper him when he’s wrong, you seem to gloss it over and make excuses for him. This is not good at all. By doing this you enable his behavior.



edgya1234 said:


> My pride says kick him to the curb, live him and make him cry his eyes out. The part of the brain that is mature says that I should wait until I go to Spain and see what he is up to. Because if he is in a very dark spot and lashes out at me because I am the closest person to him ( he just told me that he can't speak with nobody about what he is going through) and I live him in top of that and something happen to him ( like drinking, drugs) I will feel very guilty.... This is my dilemma


Your pride says to kick him to the curb… shouldn’t it be your common sense that says to kick him to the curb. The purpose should be not to make him cry his eyes out (I get the idea that part of you wants revenge), it should be that you want to protect yourself from an emotionally immature man that you married. 

You have said that he acted like this other times when you were dating. Now you are making excuses for him saying that he’s now in a dark place. Well it seems that he goes to that dark place often. He did it often in the past and now he’s doing it again. The excuse you give him right now is his unemployment. What was the excuse in the past? 

I’m not trying to be mean to you here. I’m trying to get you to see that from what you have told us he lives on an emotional rollercoaster and you have jumped on it with him. In order to live with this you are making excuses for him. 

Why are you making excuses for what seems to be an emotionally unstable man? When will you start to protect yourself?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

edgya1234 said:


> True it affected my career and my self esteem. However as you said I am going to Spain for MBA. I will see the situation for myself. I feel bad living him in this state without really knowing if it is his mother or not. On the other hand with his mother out of the picture he is extremely attentive, loving and very generous with everything. However he is sort of high maintenance: he wants a lot of my time and attention and I basically don't have the will to focus on some of the things he wants like businesses I know won't work.


He is a grown man. A grown man does not let his mother put him in the state he's in right now.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

edgya1234 said:


> Well he is in this bad place because of me Because he left everything for me and it was very bad for him. He had some hard years. He loves drama but most Spanish people I know do, is kind of in their blood. However if I live him now before going to Spain and seeing all the situation and he starts drinking or worse drugs I will feel very guilty


He is in a bad place because of you?

Come on, you are an intelligent woman, a successful professional business owner. Why are you taking responsibility for his emotional immaturity?

If he starts to drink and use drugs then he's a loser of his own making. You are not responsible if he choses to act badly. You are not responsible for his current drama... he's a drama queen... mature men (and women) are not drama queens. They do not create drama to feed off the intensity of it.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> He is in a bad place because of you?
> 
> Come on, you are an intelligent woman, a successful professional business owner. Why are you taking responsibility for his emotional immaturity?
> 
> If he starts to drink and use drugs then he's a loser of his own making. You are not responsible if he choses to act badly. You are not responsible for his current drama... he's a drama queen... mature men (and women) are not drama queens. They do not create drama to feed off the intensity of it.


I actually like you and like your way of thinking and your comments and replays are most welcomed and appreciated.
You are right I am making excuses for him. His mother is a drama queen so ... like mother like son in this case

Unfortunately business women are renowned for issues with emotional intelligence Just kidding, not making excuses. 
Anyhow we have a lot in common ( not the craziness) but friends, 2 cats and one adores him and is looking for him through the house ( and my heart breaks for the little animal). 
I feel like I've lost 8 years of my life. It is sad. 

I wish I would be able to keep the friends we make in common. But I have friends that were his friends and then become more my friends and they love me but they've known him longer. 

Maybe it will be smarter to go for the Bilbao School of Business if they accept me. It will be easier, Barcelona seems to much like my 2nd home, to many memories 

Can I ask you a question? You appear very put together emotionally, what are you doing on this forum? Please don't get me wrong I am glad you are and get involved. I was just wondering Paint me curious?


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Situations when women despise their husbands and emotionally feed from their sons...are called emotional incest. It sounds like his mom is mentally ill and that is going to have a huge affect on your husband...especially if his father has been pushed aside. 

Mom has become the unstable matriarchal figure in the family and your husband has probably grown up in the dysfunctional chaos of meeting her emotional whims. This would make him to be emotionally sensitive and good at anticipating needs of others...but it also might make him a bit on the cruel, woman-hating side...as he may act-out passive-aggressively in ways that reflect his deep resentment against his mother.


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## edgya1234 (Apr 10, 2014)

FormerSelf said:


> Situations when women despise their husbands and emotionally feed from their sons...are called emotional incest. It sounds like his mom is mentally ill and that is going to have a huge affect on your husband...especially if his father has been pushed aside.
> 
> Mom has become the unstable matriarchal figure in the family and your husband has probably grown up in the dysfunctional chaos of meeting her emotional whims. This would make him to be emotionally sensitive and good at anticipating needs of others...but it also might make him a bit on the cruel, woman-hating side...as he may act-out passive-aggressively in ways that reflect his deep resentment against his mother.


Wow, totally true. I've never thought of that. He did a lot of things for me, our marriage was good we had two major fights in 8 years. She wants me out of the picture. However everything he had it was for me, he never denied me anything. Now do to the breakup I created because lately I pushed him away, never allowing him any type of intimacy with me - our intimate life was zero to none. 
So this is one of the things he is reproaching me 
And he only functions well as a person (work, friends, life) in Spain - I wish I would have understood that before and I wished he never had open the mouth to say the words "I'm moving". I am extremely adaptable, I love new cultures, I speak several languages, my clients are multinationals and I've worked for them in several countries so this is what I want. But I was comfortable with my lifestyle and I only saw what I wanted.
I do not know if I can save my marriage, of if there anything to save. I wish I could change the things I've done but I can't and I wish I could be certain I would never do them again but I can't do that either. I just don't know. What do you, as a man, think?


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## Code-Welder (Dec 17, 2012)

FormerSelf said:


> Situations when women despise their husbands and emotionally feed from their sons...are called emotional incest. It sounds like his mom is mentally ill and that is going to have a huge affect on your husband...especially if his father has been pushed aside.
> 
> Mom has become the unstable matriarchal figure in the family and your husband has probably grown up in the dysfunctional chaos of meeting her emotional whims. This would make him to be emotionally sensitive and good at anticipating needs of others...but it also might make him a bit on the cruel, woman-hating side...as he may act-out passive-aggressively in ways that reflect his deep resentment against his mother.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


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