# gut punched by serial cheat



## betrayed_by_cheater (Dec 26, 2013)

Three weeks ago I found out that he is not only having an affair, but ALSO having casual hook-ups with whatever woman will have him, and ALSO having oral-sex with men. He meets these people through the internet, swinger websites. 

The lying is a deal breaker to me. We've been together for 4 years and he has put me through drama and hell but I loved him through everything. I just never expected the cheating because he is such a liar, he covered every track. I just trusted. The bi-sexuality floored me, but believe it or not, not as much as the affair. Its with someone that I know casually. 

I realize now that he is compulsive with his sexual behavior and I consider him a sex addict. He is having sex with everyone but me. Our sex has slowed down almost to nothing. I am an attractive woman. He has always displayed a lot of ****-phobia, but it's just a front. And so is this whole relationship. 

Still in his sick way, I believe that he loves me very much. He keeps me for companionship and for the "front" of a normal, nice guy. In many ways a great guy. And it's important to him that he puts forth that appearance. 

I prefer to be alone rather than have someone that disrespects me, lies to me, makes me feel unattractive, and hurts me in many ways emotionally. But I thought he was the love of my life. And I'm shattered. I don't sleep, I don't eat.

Here is the clincher. I'm still living with him. He doesn't know that I found out. With my new clarity I have come to realize what a parasite he is. Unfortunately now I'm in deep with money. He has borrowed money from a family member of mine in the five figures. He doesn't have credit, so I signed for his car loan for his new car. The apartment is in my name and I can't afford it on my own. And he maxed out one of my credit cards in the thousands. I have a job but these extra expenses when I leave him will crush me. I am staying until I can get all my "ducks in a row". I'm suffering greatly.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Dear Betrayed ~
If I had advice for you, I would be happier. I just want you to know that I feel badly for you. Be Strong.
Very Hurt


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

betrayed_by_cheater said:


> Three weeks ago I found out that he is not only having an affair, but ALSO having casual hook-ups with whatever woman will have him, and ALSO having oral-sex with men. He meets these people through the internet, swinger websites.
> 
> The lying is a deal breaker to me. We've been together for 4 years and he has put me through drama and hell but I loved him through everything. I just never expected the cheating because he is such a liar, he covered every track. I just trusted. The bi-sexuality floored me, but believe it or not, not as much as the affair. Its with someone that I know casually.
> 
> ...


Oh my goodness. Just go see a lawyer and declare bankruptcy. It's just money. You can replace that. But you can't replace time spent living a complete farce.


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## betrayed_by_cheater (Dec 26, 2013)

I am logging in after about a year. This was a very hard time for me. I survived and I'm so much happier now. 
To follow up, I did wait until I "got my ducks in a row". He had a volatile temper, so I had slowly moved one bag at a time of all my important things. I was able to move into a friends place where I didn't have to pay a security deposit and the rent was low. I waited until he made a monthly deposit into our joint account. I took all of that money and paid a cancellation fee for the apartment we were sharing. I found someone to buy the car that I signed for him. I took the car on the morning that I left him. I was concerned about his explosive temper so I left in the morning before he woke. I cleared out with all of my most valuable things and some basics that I needed for living. I took my two doggies. I took his car and I left. I left a breakup note behind. The breakup note included jpg images that I found of his lovers. I also stuck a wad of a woman's hair (clearly not my hair) that I found in the trash can in our bathroom. I turned of my phone and blocked him on social media. And ran. 
I still struggle with emotional scars from the ordeal. I have a difficult time trusting. I think I can pass the cheating part; I do have faith that not every man is a cheat. And some people have a better moral compass. ...but I find myself defensive and expect all relationships to turn abusive in time. I expect my partners to lose interest in me sexually, shun me and shut me out. I feel very embarrassed about how I allowed myself to be treated and manipulated. I do not like to talk about it and find it to be an obstacle to reaching emotional intimacy with a new partner.
On the bright side, I am getting back on my feet. 
I never saw any of the replies that I got on this post until now. I appreciate the comfort and the moment you took to reply. Here's to a brighter future.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Good job!&#55357;&#56842; You did what many don't. Be proud of yourself. Best wishes for finding a solid love life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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