# hubby gone off sex



## pippa (Jul 8, 2009)

we hardly ever have sex now and when we did it was awful
he has phobais and says oral sex foreplay is disgusting and dirty and wont/has never touched me. i thought it was just fear tiredness etc but he gets angry if i ask him to touch me intimately

not has sex fo r10 days he always seems to have an excuse headache, tired, backache not in mood etc says we l try later never do
im at my wits end. i have such a high sex drive, im having to use toys when alone
i feel so unwanted and negleted, i have explained all this to him he wont listen he has said he will never ever give me foreplay/oral sex and when we do make love its always on his terms
he pins me down gets on top and traps my legs so i cannot move rams it in then its over in mins thats it


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

pippa said:


> we hardly ever have sex now and when we did it was awful
> he has phobais and says oral sex foreplay is disgusting and dirty and wont/has never touched me. i thought it was just fear tiredness etc but he gets angry if i ask him to touch me intimately
> 
> not has sex fo r10 days he always seems to have an excuse headache, tired, backache not in mood etc says we l try later never do
> ...


he sounds like a very insensitive or inexperienced lover.

when my husband and I decreased the frequency of our sex, it was not due to his technique...
its just that we are getting too old to be having sex everyday.
he told me he was glad I stopped wanting to have sex so much as he needed his energy to work........ 
we still have sex but not as often, it doesn't bother either of us, I guess because we didn't base our relationship or marriage on sex.
Far as your husband and his fears and phobias, I wonder... did you not know these things about him before you married?


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

I agree with Preso...did you not know this? How long have you been married? If a short while, what about an annulment?


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## pippa (Jul 8, 2009)

when we first met i lived 60 miles away and we only saw each other at weekends so i put it down to tiredness and shy
he told me he only ever had i long term relationship before me, that lasted 4 yrs but they never had sex
yes he is inexperienced im so frustrated he is a selfish lover who wont comprmise


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

dcrim said:


> what about an annulment?


:iagree:


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## pippa (Jul 8, 2009)

we cant get an annulment we have had sex not very often though
i feel trapped we rowed this morning he refsued to touch me as usual as he was not horny is it true you have to be horny to touch one another?
we hardly have sex anymore always an excuse and he gets so angry and shouts if i voice my opinion


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

so then divorce.


It is obvious he does not want to be with you. If he has emotional problems he is going to have to work them out on his own. Try to keep things very civil and get away from him, do not anger him as he seems really off the deep end and you don't want to end up getting hurt or killed. Just back off and start the divorce, try to get him out of your place or move, whichever is the best for you.
Do not argue, what is the point in that? He seems to be off his rocker......... and there is no point in fighting and arguement. He doesn't want to sleep with you, that is the reality of it. Don't fight over it, just see it for what it is and if its not acceptable, get away from him.


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## pippa (Jul 8, 2009)

yes he has problems lots he has said to me in the past if i didnt want you i wouldnt stay so i think he does want to be with me that or because he has no where else to go
sometimes i do get scared, feel like im walking on eggshells but i have little money to move and cannot afford my own place let alone removal vans
i want to be with a man that is happy to make love to me
he just makes excuses


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## pippa (Jul 8, 2009)

how can i escape with no house or money to move into?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Make sure that you are on birth control. Even if you don't have sex (rarely)...adding to this situation would be more complicated.

Do you have any friends or family to stay with? Do you work?


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## pippa (Jul 8, 2009)

im 43 with one ovary no chance of me falling pregnant. not used contreception in 3 years never got pregnant.
im islolated and have no freinds
my mum is dead and my disabled dad is poorly and 60 miles away. i have no siblings


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## MsStacy (Nov 11, 2008)

can you move in with your dad? where were you living before you married your husband? how were you making money before your husband?

it can be done....you just have to want it enough.


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## pippa (Jul 8, 2009)

i was in a rented house 60 miles away
i cant move in with dad i have 3 teens and he lives in a 2 bed terrace miles away from their school
i was a riding instructor freelance i gave up my job for hubby ive looked so hard for work here nothing


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## smiley (Jul 15, 2009)

I feel for you. He is not meeting your needs and is seeing sex as one sided. If you are both willing, counseling would be ideal. He's got some issues w/intimacy and if you're committed to the process, your marriage could ultimately come out much stronger and better on the other end of this. He needs your help and support in figuring this out. It may take a lot of steps in his direction and sacrifice on your part in the beginning before you see any willingness to change. It seems like he hasn't listened to your concerns but if you work on improving the overall quality of the relationship (without knowing exactly what that is) maybe he will take steps toward pleasing you too. I personally am a big proponent of trying everything in your power to keep those vows you made, even if it feels like you're in it alone for a season or being the only "giver." (Provided of course, that he's not raping you or physically abusive during sex.) Many marriages can be saved if one partner makes a conscious effort to devote themselves wholeheartedly to pleasing their partner, without expectations for them self. Most of the time, the other partner in that scenario is softened and is compelled to start giving back. Hope that helps.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Even with one ovary, you can still get pregnant! 

You will have to decide what you are willing to live with....

If you want out, then you may need to move kids and all to another town where you have your dad/friends and work. 

If you are going to stay and work on it, then perhaps a get some support for yourself. I would start with pursuing a job.


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## italianchick (Jul 20, 2009)

Some people don't like oral sex. Some people don't like giving it even though they like receiving it. My husband doesn't like giving, so he does not receive. That is the deal. Yes, it puts a damper on our sex life. They don't know what they're missing. We have to find other ways to make sex pleasurable.

Anyway, your situation sounds serious.

If he refuses to participate in any kind of foreplay, then you probably feel violated, almost as if he is raping you. He needs to be faced with a choice: Either go to a sex counselor or lose your wife. You need to get away from him if he cannot get help because his actions are hurtful to you. However, you are letting him do this to you because you are staying there.

I hope you find the strength to get help for yourself and make the right choices. Many churches are available to help you.


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## snake (Aug 4, 2011)

what about teens going to their dads ,for a month or 2 then you can find a room to rent. their are half way houses. i feel 4 u my hubby hasn't kissed me in 10 yrs and hasn't slept in bed in 5 yrs unless we have sex which is doggy style now i'm finding transexual tapes he watches while me and kids sleep. Guys suck.i'm in the same boat how to bring everything out in the open and what to do once it is out


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

He may have been sexually abused as a child.


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