# I Dread The Holidays, Suggestions?



## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Because I will be alone for the first time in my life. I am trying to think of alternate plans to combat these lonely feelings but I haven't come up with anything.

My family is totally dysfunctional. One moment there is a plan and then the next day they cancel. This just happened with Thanksgiving. I can imagine they'll do this with Christmas, they all use alcohol and drugs and I am sober.

Any suggestions? I don't want to be feeling so alone.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I was the youngest of 4 kids, and throughout most of my life always had the big family dinners and hooplah going on for the holidays. Even when I married and had a child it was just the three of us, but I totally looked forward to cooking a huge turkey, and making all the sides, and desserts. There was always leftovers for a week after. 

Yesterday I was doing a little grocery shopping (yay i got a fridge), and noticed the turkeys were out, people looking them over, all the bags and boxes of stuffing, and cranberry sauce and baking goods. It hurt. 
It hurt a lot. 
Thinking how excited I usually got when this time of year came around, and how i looked forward to it.
I thought to myself, well, what am I going to do for Thanksgiving? Cook food for myself? Will I sit at a t.v. tray surrounded by nobody?
It totally took all the starch out of me, and I felt it hardcore.

If you werent in florida, I'd have you over.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

shoo: Thanks for the invite. I guess prayer and perhaps volunteering. Don't know what else. I really don't want to go to friends they're all married and need I say more.....probably this is so difficult because it's a first.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Sparkles, it's my first holidays without my husband too. I'm not afraid but my feelings are mixed because all my sisters still have their families in tact, and mine is broken. I have a large family of cousins, aunts and uncles and I'm the only broken family. I would love to have you over too, but it may be too cold here for your Florida blood


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Hey all, I know I don't write much on here, so you all don't me that well, but I feel like I know all of you....I read your posts daily. lol That's not stalking is it!? lol JK

The holidays are very tough for me as well. It was acutally on Thanksgiving Day 3 years ago that I discovered my xhusbands vast affairs. I used to love this time of year....but the last three years have been awful! I will be surrounded by all of my siblings and their families this year....their families are still in tact. I am excited to see everyone, but I know there will be too many times that I escape to the bathroom to cry. The loneliness can be so overwhelming even as you are surrounded by loved ones. 

Why is it that none of us can live close together!? I would be totally up for a group Thanksgiving or a movie on Christmas or anything anytime! lol BTW....I live in WA so if anyone else does....let me know! 

To top it off my kids will go visit their Dad for Christmas....all alone I will be.

Hugs to everyone through this holiday season and always.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

raising5boyz said:


> Hugs to everyone through this holiday season and always.


I had written about how lousy I felt after attending my "parenting" class last week. A big part of the reason was being reminded that the I will need to start making my own "every other year" kind of holiday traditions.

I think - since we are still married and on good terms - that I will still be invited to my in-laws for Thanksgiving - and likely Christmas dinner as well. But - if I am - I'm assuming this will be the last year as part of their family.

Volunteering certainly is a fantastic idea.

I've had some family (Aunt, Cousin) who I'm not real close to reach out to me lately. I suppose the "right" thing to do would be try to become closer with these people. But this year - I think I'd almost rather be alone than spend it with well-meaning family who are practically strangers to me.

Also planning to combat the Christmas blues a bit by getting a real tree - and maybe planting it in the yard after the holidayds. Have always wanted to do this, but never did.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Last year my H ruined our Thanksgiving and we did Christmas without him. My kids and I had a great time. We bought all the special goodies we loved, built a fire in the fireplace and had a picnic. 

I don't know if you have kids but if you are alone then don't hang at home mulling over things and feeling down about it..Get out and do something fun! Do you have hobbies? Maybe you can go away on a cruise or visit someplace else or just treat yourself to something fun to eat or buy something you have always wanted?

It's hard for me to relate because I can always find something fun to do. I have a lot of hobbies and don't mind spending time by myself. I do it a lot.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Shooboomafoo said:


> I thought to myself, well, what am I going to do for Thanksgiving? Cook food for myself? Will I sit at a t.v. tray surrounded by nobody?
> It totally took all the starch out of me, and I felt it hardcore.
> 
> .


What about your child? You don't get any time to do something special with her? :scratchhead: 

Despite our past problems my kids and I are spending Thanksgiving at my husband's house and I'm doing Christmas at my apartment and he's invited. I couldn't let him stay alone for the holidays. It would be too sad. 

My kids are split on this. My daughter would just as soon let him rot and my son wants to see his dad.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

It is the Ex’s turn to have our son for Thanksgiving. This year I decided to participate in a short 5K race on Thanksgiving Day. The pre-paid registration fees for the race will benefit local families by providing them with Thanksgiving Day dinners. Ya, it’s kind of a different way to celebrate a holiday. Figured I’d try to do something completely different since I would have probably spent Thanksgiving alone anyways. Ironically, I’m kind of looking forward to Thanksgiving Day now.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I've been divorced about a year and I'm looking on the positive side. I know everyone is different, so just a few short lines here won't change anyone's feelings, but I have discovered that I can actually enjoy the different times.

I get three days off for Thanksgiving, and I will actually be able to relax and enjoy the time off and not have to run everywhere stressed out going to dinners. I guess that was ok when i had it, but just don't fall into the trap that you're supposed to be sad on a holiday. Society tells us if we have nobody on the holidays, we're supposed to be sad; doesn't a lot of holiday movies go that direction?

I always enjoyed watching the parades on Thanksgiving morning and then watching the history of Thanksgiving on the history channel. Well, this year, i can do that uninterrupted.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

southbound said:


> I always enjoyed watching the parades on Thanksgiving morning and then watching the history of Thanksgiving on the history channel. Well, this year, i can do that uninterrupted.


I've always liked watching the parade as well. It has been a Thanksgiving tradition for years. We get up, stuff the turkey and put it in the oven and sit and watch the parade. 

I think your attitude is great. I also like to look at holidays as a time to sit back, relax, and enjoy a good time, be it alone or with friends and family. 

This year is going to be a bit tension filled with us going over to the H's house for Thanksgiving. My son is OK with it but my daughter is already rolling her eyes. I keep telling her to calm down, that it will be alright. She keeps saying "I hope he isn't a di*ck." All I can say is that he's on double secret probation because none of us will put up with any antics, that is a fact but I'm willing to give him a chance at least to act decently. 

My H is trying hard to make things right. Today after taking my daughter for a college visit and the dentist we came home and found that he left both my daughter and I some nice flowering plants and my son some candy and soda. He said it was so we would know that he was thinking of us. NEVER has he done this type of thing! 

I think that now that he's sober he's trying to make amends for his past actions. Regardless of his intentions it's nice to see him act like a human being in some respect. 

I'm hoping this will translate into a good holiday season. Maybe Scrooge can turn into Santa? Would be nice.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Freak On a Leash said:


> I've always liked watching the parade as well. It has been a Thanksgiving tradition for years. We get up, stuff the turkey and put it in the oven and sit and watch the parade.
> 
> I think your attitude is great. I also like to look at holidays as a time to sit back, relax, and enjoy a good time, be it alone or with friends and family.
> 
> ...


Yes, we can enjoy the holidays alone. I've discovered that I like observing the holidays better than participating anyway, and I have apparently always been that way. Let's take Christmas for example. I have always loved Christmas; there is just a different feeling in the air. But that doesn't mean I have to spend half of December stringing lights over the house, spending a fortune of gifts and food, stressing over what to buy as a gift, and attending 10 different meals with people that cause you to roll your eyes.

I just enjoy watching Christmas shows on tv, love listening to Christmas music and seeing all the decorations that are in town.
I get to do that whether I'm with someone or not.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Start new traditions. Reclaim the holidays as part of your new life. 

When I was in Florida, I wanted to just take turkey sandwiches and go to the beach.... the kids voted me down tho. I wanted to take them camping... but apparently everyone else in Florida camps for Thanksgiving and I couldn't find somewhere to go. 

On Christmas eve, we all opened our gifts at midnite... that was cool. Now we have granddaughter living here, so it's the whole Santa thing all over again... no sleeping in! 

"Do" the holidays YOUR way. Don't be pressured by relatives to do it their way. Figure out what MIGHT work and go for it. And realize that all the "firsts" just suck. And that there is no telling how this time next year will be...


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanksgiving has come and gone. I got up, watched the parades and spent the rest of the day working on the farm with my brother. I can't say that I missed anything; I rather enjoyed myself.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Stop wallowing, no sniveling.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I had a good Thanksgiving. My daughter and I picked all the stuff out on Monday, and ate really heavily on thursday. Then we bought Skyrim, Elder Scrolls V, and played that for a large part of the day. Ate some pie. She had cookies and cream pie, and mine was dutch apple, hot, with vanilla ice cream on top.
It was a great thanksgiving, just the two of us. 
She went back to her mom's on Friday. Ol' whatshername...

Yesterday I mowed the lawn for the first time in the new house, trimmed a tree, made the area look better. 
Its just me this week, and its Monday morning. 
I think I feel a twinge of holiday spirit trying to creep in,,, might just have to go get some lights...


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

shoo: Lucky you. Sounds wonderful and Skyrim. I have to wait until they get the darn bugs out for the PS3. I keep tabs on the patches.

Now Christmas: I'm looking at away trips, I don't know what I'm doing at this point.


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## Lowlife (Nov 27, 2011)

FWIW - I used to dread Christmas. We always had big fights around the holidays and it always seemed so phony. It was about this time two years ago that really marked the end of the marriage. 

This year I'm having fun with it actually. I put lights on the house and I'll be getting a tree this weekend. Feels kinda good for once. It's a little weird but it seems like everything is just coming together for the better these days.


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