# my marriage is a crazy mess



## jhou88 (Feb 5, 2010)

Hello, I really hope someone can offer some advice. The marriage started off bad and somehow just manages to get worse. The latest is my evil crazy 3 times divorced father in law, calling my mother inappropriately when my father is not there. Once he called when my dad was there, and my fil spoke to him for about 5 minutes then spent 20 minutes chatting with my mother, right in front of my dad. 
Ok the bad backdrop of this story is that: my fil has an anger management problem and is a bit of a womanizer. He confronted my mother angrily when he didn't want me to go to my family member's wedding in a different country, and they had a fight. That was a few years ago. He forbid me from going. I eventually did. Since then we have tried to maintain a civil relationship for the sake of the greater good. My father can't stand him and will say hi how are you to him but doesn't talk to him. 
Since then my demented fil got in another fight with me, this time calling me some really bad names. I decided to stop communicating with him, realizing there has to be some limits. I still say hi how are to him if I have to see him, but that's it. Again for the greater good. In spite of what he did to me, my mother still wanted to call him when he had surgery. I forbade her, and we fought about it. 
I just found out today that my fil called her, again when my father wasn't there. She was very friendly back to him and they spoke for quite a while. The whole situation makes me sick. How could my mother have so little concern or respect for me that she would be friendly to someone who I don't speak to and called me some very bad names, that she only knows through me. She claims it is more important to maintain good relations. It's like she has no respect for herself. 
This just happened, and I am thinking of calling my fil and asking him to not call my mother anymore and that it is inappropriate. (did I mention he is married and divorced 3 times). My father does not know about the last time, but he will be furious. But my mother does not listen to him. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Am I taking it too seriously?
Ok I didn't even get into the issues with my husband which I will post about later. But this incident just happened, can someone give me their views on what I should do?


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## blacksage (Apr 28, 2009)

OK. I am trying to get this straight. Your husbands father or your father in law is calling your mother and being inappropriate. Your father doesn't like him and your mother is nice anyway to keep the peace? So far, so good?

If that is the case I agree with your mom. I would keep it civil and talk to him. It is not like they are going out to dinner or anything. If you are really concerned maybe have your husband talk to him? Maybe your father should tell him to stop calling his wife if he feels it is inappropriate...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

It's not your business what two adults do.

I _would_, however, let your dad know that he may want to keep an eye on mom, for she seems to be developing an attraction for FIL. That's how affairs start.


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## bchin (Feb 5, 2010)

Totally agree with sage and turnera, its really none of your business, Yet maybe your husband speaking directly to his dad, Fil will take it better.


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