# Heart ache devastation => numbness



## PainPainPain (Aug 9, 2009)

Please help me with any and all advice possible. 

I've been married for three years after dating for 1 1/2 yrs. While dating, he came off as very modern open minded. After marriage: hasn't cut umbilical cord from mother yet and wants me to be the perfect wife (which I am) but also put up w/ all he has to throw at me. After looking through phone records 2 months ago, I discovered a repeated number and it turns out he was cheating on me for 8 months. So as of right now, he was lying to me 10 1/2 months. When it started, I was with my grandmother who was dying in a city 3 hours away. He is completely remorseful now, but at the same time not being able to be patient with my emotional rollercoaster. There are days when I'm ok but when I'm not, I dont get angry w/ him, I just distance myself. He expects me to be consistent with him. How is that possible when I truly found out the depth of the affair only 1 month ago??? He doesn't let me just be. The woman he was cheating on me with was always at his business, taking pictures of herself behind the counter and posting them on her myspace and facebook. The first time I confronted him about the phone calls he swore saying it was never physical. He begged me to come back and after 3 weeks I did. Then 1 month later, I get 2 emails from the wh*re. The first I ignored, trying to be the bigger person, and the second got to me. It said how she was in my home taking care of my husband on my couch and blanket while I was visiting my family in another city. She continued with some more devastating details. When I first confronted him, he lied about her being in my home and having sex w/ her. Then after the second email, it took him about 1 months to tell me honestly everything. He says he didn't want to tell me details to avoid hurting me anymore than he already had. How is that possible??? They had sex on our couch in my apartment, and they NEVER had protected sex. BTW, we also have a beautiful 21 month old daughter. There were even times he would have sex w/ her and come home and act completely normal. The b*tch also moved right next to us after divorcing her husband w/ 3 kids. I could write a book! I'm in therapy right now, which is slowly helping, but how is it that he is not being able to have patience w/ me and my healing process??? I am doing anything and everything possible to overcome this, but he just wants everything to be normal. Ohhh, we also live w/ his parents who are always in our business and cater to his every need and he doesn't understand how much buying a new couch means to me (financial difficulties). Does he really think/expect me to sit on that couch? And our daughter to sit on that couch?? Come on man!!! I just don't know how to continue on w/ him if I don't know if he truly cares about me healing. Men: what is he thinking??????? Does he really care about me? Or he just cares about not having to deal with the consequences???


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## stillINshock (Apr 9, 2009)

He sounds like my H - whatever is easiest for him, least painful for him, most convenient. Grrr.
Throw the damn couch out and buy a new one when HE'S not around. If his parents ask, tell them exactly why. Let them read the email. 
Please think carefully before doing this. I'm sure many readers would completely disagree.... but damn, I feel your pain. Made my H get rid of something of significance too. 
Seriously, think before acting. Its a move that will have an impact for a long long time. But I find it helpful to at least recognize that YOU DO have the ability to do this. Perhaps YOU will choose not too, but its YOUR choice. Know what I mean? Good luck and I'm so sorry for your pain.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Buy a cat. Pour cat urine on the couch.

"Oh, my... even the cat can't stand to be on that couch!"

I'm kidding of course.

Has he fessed up to his parents what he did? That's the first place I'd go with him. He needs to account to his parents because accounting to you is obviously not enough for him.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

At the very least he should give you some more time and space, one month is not much time.

Living with parents, (cough)(loser)(cough), sometimes cant be helped in this economy but it sure puts alot of stress on a person. My wife and I could'nt stand her mother living with us and she worked 3rd shift.

As for his cheating and lying. He's not being honest with you in my opinion. There are more shoes to drop. He still thinks he's some kind of player. You only found out about the girl dumb enough to e-mail him.

Want revenge? Get his favorite shirts and use them as diapers. Make him drive a minivan with baby seats in the back and make him take you with him whenever he goes out. He will never cheat again.


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## PainPainPain (Aug 9, 2009)

Thank you all.
His parents do know everything that has happened. They sided with me in the beginning but now just stay out of it after a blowout fight I had with his father. My H says he'll get a new couch but cant right now financially, but in my mind: "when there's a will there's a way." His parents were sympathetic in the beginning, but now are just like "get over it so you can move on." 

Gomez: I found out by phone records, but then 2 months later she emailed me telling me how she was taking care of my husband in my apartment which I was visiting my family. Completely unprovoked! She's such a wh**e! 

I'm not even trying to be a b**ch about the couch, just trying to make him understand my feelings. I sincerely feel he is sorry, but not sure if it's cuz he got caught or not. 

The cat idea: I LOVE IT! Too bad it'd just be one more thing for me to take care of these damn people!


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Um... do you actually even want to continue with him? Sounds like the only thing of value coming from this mess is your daughter.

And seriously... you're both living with his parents? That's a bad plan for you to have any kind of say in anything. Fix that if nothing else.


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## beyond betrayal (Jul 21, 2009)

Ruin the couch. Its got to go. Thats disgusting and he should know better. Now that was disrespect. As far as the parents. Who cares what they say. Right is right and wrong is wrong. I like the cat idea too. I guess it won't work so come up with something else. Post an ad on craigslist and have someone come pick it up. You deserve better. You do! She is a skank and I can't believe some women are like that. Then to move by you. See thats what I'm dealing with. Its so classless. You dont have to just get over it. Its a process and step 1 is the damn couch. Be strong girl.


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