# How do I cope



## elmo (Jun 21, 2010)

I feel like I will lose my mind. I am at witts end and struggle to get through a day and it has been 5 months since my wife filed for divorce crushing my world. I find myself (as a grown man) balling my eyes out totally miserable and alone. Our divorce is not final and we have at least one more hearing. I did nothing but love my family and my wife, was good to her and she has everything she has because of me. When I met her, she had nothing, I helped her establish credit, loved her child as my own, built us a house, bought her her first NEW car and her second and together we had also a 4 year old son that is mine. It seems now I have nothing, she is in control of the divorce that she filed. I am living with my parents and have only a bed and a truck that belongs to the company I work for. Due to the debt and going through this, I sold my personal vehicle. We just had our assessment hearing, she is in the house, I'm paying half for everything plus child support and I only get my son on weekends at this point. To beat everything, her family has taken "her friend" in like a long lost son and shunned me. I thouaght out friends would support me but seemingly they never check on me or call me. However, they showed up to support her. She has hurt me to the point that I can't even look at her or her family and I am afraid of what kind of vindictive thing she will do next. Saturday, I must go to the marital home and pick up all of my personal items (which will take most of the day) and I am scared to death of what to expect. It's as if I never knew this woman, she shows no care at all for a man she lived with for 6 years. It's as if she has no regret, no conscience; it's as if she is a machine and is programmed to hurt me. How do you cope with this? Do men and women ever regret do things like this? Do they ever hurt or will hurt for doing this? Please some insight.


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## Intruder (Sep 23, 2010)

your story is close to mine, but my wife is gone 7 weeks. Just picked up and left, with my kids.

It is the toughest thing I ever have been through, and it beats me up all day long.

I don't think they feel bad, they rewrote their own history to justify what they have done. The only one who loses here is us and the kids.

I wish I could help more, but I am a mess also.

Just keep minimal contact, make yourself better, and hope for the best, we aren't going to change their minds. They have to do it.

I like to think my wife feels bad destroying a family I was devoted to, but I know in my heart she doesn't


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## WhoAmI? (Apr 19, 2010)

I am truly sorry to hear of your situation.

Like yourself, I too faced this type of situation. It happened to me in March of this year, so I'm a bit further into it. 

My wife of 7 years (together for 11 years) changed into a different person in the course of a week, and announced she was leaving me for somebody else. We spent nearly every day for 11 years together, and then just like that, within a week she was gone. I have seen her once in the past 7 months. The other kicker is that at the time we had just bought our first home, which has since gone into foreclosure.

What can people like you and I say? We were dumped upon in a big way. There is no explaining the situation, and I can truly say that nothing short of time will begin to heal the situation.

While I am nowhere near completely healed at this point, I can say that I am finding new direction in my life. What I have found to be the most helpful is focusing on the future, and dedicating myself to something that I am passionate about.

Also, getting rid of things that remind me of her or us, simplifying my life, treating myself, exercising, praying, volunteering, helping others, and reading have been immensely helpful.

I am happy to say that I have more good days now than bad, but it's still a long road ahead.

Try to focus on you and maintain as little contact as possible. I feel for you in that you have a child in the mix and I do not. I can only imagine the extra dimension of pain and difficulty that adds to an already bad situation.

Best of luck to you, and I will be praying for you.


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