# When is it time to call it?



## benderjl1 (Aug 17, 2012)

So I have posted on here before about my problem, but things have not gotten better. 

A brief recap: my wife does not do anything. We both work (although she left her decent paying job to work part-time at a local bakery), I do the cooking, cleaning, taking care and walking the dog etc. She refuses to get her driver licenses so I also have to drive her around everywhere. 

I have stood up to her a lot more. I refuse to take her places and I only do her laundry if a bra or something accidentally gets in my clothes. The only thing I still do for her is cook. Don't think that she is working around the house more, I am just not doing things that are not absolutely necessary for her. 

We have sex about once every other week (once a week if I am lucky. Is this normal?) She claims she is just too lazy to get undressed but loves the sex. 

Anyway, I obviously am unable to keep up with all of the housework myself and our house is always messy. It drives me nuts. We have fought and had discussions about this topic for almost three years now and she still doesnt get that I need help. 

Is it time to leave


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Why is she so lazy?

Is she depressed?


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## Complexities (Oct 25, 2012)

Why did she leave her other job?

How long have you been married?

Was it always like this?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Refuses to get a drivers license? When exactly did driving her around become a real problem for you? 

I'd like to know if it's always been this way as well. Dependance like that isn't attractive in the least.


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## jane1213 (Aug 10, 2012)

any kids?


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

how long have you been married?
like others ask, is she depressed?
if so, why?

marriage is a partnership.
my wife doesnt "work" per say, meaning she is a stay at home mom.
but i help her when she needs it and i aint afraid of washing a dish or two or folding some laundry.
if she wont help you, i reckon she thinks that eventually you will simply give up and do it all yourself again.
so, i would
not do ANYTHING to help her. as in not cook, not clean, not wash her stuff, NOTHING.
cook for yourself. wash your clothes. clean up your mess.
kinda sad that you have to do something like that.
so yes i would suggest that you re-evaluate your marriage. and let her know that is what you are doing.

also, as far as the sex, that depends on your drive i suppose. 
it seems she is letting you down in all other areas of the marriage, so i reckon she is under the impression that you will tolerate her letting you down in that department as well.
for me, once every other week? um, no. once a week? um, no.
but i take a very strong approach to it, my wife is my only sex partner and that is her "job" per say in the marriage to me as it is mine to her. so its pretty much on demand, for either of us.
im happy with once or twice a day lol. i can live off 2-3 times a week, but that is bare minimum and i am VERY CLEAR on that.
i dont buy the "if im lucky" part of it. its not a reward. and hers isnt magic, i assure you.
my wife and i have been married for 5 years in december btw. one 15 month old daughter, son arriving in february.

my opinion.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

benderjl1 said:


> We have fought and had discussions about this topic for almost three years now and she still doesnt get that I need help.
> 
> Is it time to leave


Oh, she gets it; she just doesn't want to do it. 

She may be depressed, she may just be lazy, she may just not care if the house is a mess. Whatever the reason, she does not share you interest in maintaining a relatively clean and tidy home. 

Only you can decide if it's time to leave. Allow me to pull out my pat saying in these instances when someone poses the question as to whether they should stay or go: When the pain of staying exceeds the pain of leaving, you will leave.


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## benderjl1 (Aug 17, 2012)

Thank you all for the replies. We have been married for three years, it has almost always been like this, we don't have kids. For the first year of our marriage, we lived in a city so the not being able to drive was not a big deal and she promised me she would start. Now we live in the suburbs and it has become a problem. She was fired from her last job becasued she missed too many days of work, but there was no attempt to get a similar job.

Some of you are wondering how I can let this happen, but she usually does enough for me to think she is changing. Yesterday, I got upset with her since it has literally been two weeks since she last did anything around the house. When I got home, the kitchen the cleaned, which is great, but will probably be the last thing she does around the house. 

I don't care about doing these chores. I am not some kind of sexist who only think that women should be cooking and cleaning. I just could use some help.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

She doesn't respect you. You have become a doormat. She will continue to wipe her shoes on you until YOU REQUIRE CHANGE.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Yes. It's time to leave.

Unlikely this circumstance gets better, consistently, over the long term.

Doesn't sound like she needs a husband, sounds like she needs a life coach, or a personal assistant.

Are you prepared to make that choice?


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## Gunthar (Sep 2, 2012)

Do you love her?

Does she love you?

Are you willing to sit down and purposely make changes in your lives for the better?

Are you willing to seek counseling and information to make your lives richer?

You know what to do if you answer the questions either way.


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## Mrs Chai (Sep 14, 2010)

> So I have posted on here before about my problem, but things have not gotten better.


I cringe to think of what was happening before. You've already been given a lot of great advice but I'll just say no one here will make that call for you, but they're going to ask questions you might not have wanted (or thought) to answer. Do this honestly and you'll get your best results.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

benderjl1 said:


> So I have posted on here before about my problem, but things have not gotten better.
> 
> A brief recap: my wife does not do anything. We both work (although she left her decent paying job to work part-time at a local bakery), I do the cooking, cleaning, taking care and walking the dog etc. She refuses to get her driver licenses so I also have to drive her around everywhere.
> 
> ...


Your relationship dynamic is Father & lazy daughter except for the occasional duty sex.

I think you knew exactly how she was when you married her but were blindly in love. Now it's not so fun anymore.

Time to disengage from this unhealthy relationship.


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