# Why is "Bad" sexy??



## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

see what I mean? i.e. what does "bad" mean in this context?
e.g. One way a man can be truly "bad" is if he harms others physically. e.g. felony-calibre behavior. I assume that kind of bad is not really very attractive...or is it? it definitely qualifies as "not nice"


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I think bad really means manly or clearly masculine - some rough edges and enough testosterone to avoid doormat status.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

nuclearnightmare said:


> see what I mean? i.e. what does "bad" mean in this context?
> e.g. One way a man can be truly "bad" is if he harms others physically. e.g. felony-calibre behavior. I assume that kind of bad is not really very attractive...or is it? it definitely qualifies as "not nice"


I'm not attracted to "bad" men. I'm actually attracted to really good men. It could be that a woman would be attracted to a "bad" man because he is doing things that she would like to do but doesn't have the courage to do herself. But then women are also fed this idea that they can change "bad" men into good men by being sweet and virginal. Think fifty shades of grey. Are men attracted to "bad" girls?


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Pooh Bear said:


> I'm not attracted to "bad" men. I'm actually attracted to really good men. It could be that a woman would be attracted to a "bad" man because he is doing things that she would like to do but doesn't have the courage to do herself. But then women are also fed this idea that they can change "bad" men into good men by being sweet and virginal. Think fifty shades of grey. *Are men attracted to "bad" girls?*


Many of us do....to quote The Offspring...


I know your arms are open wide
But you're a little on the straight side
I can't lie 

Your one vice
*Is you're too nice*
Come around now can't you see 

I want you 
*All tattooed*
I want you bad 

Complete me
Mistreat me _(Not this part...well...sometimes this part)_
Want you to be bad 

If you could only read my mind
You would know that I've been waiting
So long
For someone almost like you
But with attitude, I'm waiting So come on 

Get out of clothes time
Grow out those highlights
Come around now can't you see 

I want you
*In a vinyl suit*
I want you bad 

Complicated
*X-rated*
I want you bad


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

MarriedDude said:


> Many of us do....to quote The Offspring...
> 
> 
> I know your arms are open wide
> ...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Pooh Bear said:


> I'm not attracted to "bad" men. I'm actually attracted to really good men.


:iagree:


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I think a lot of children are taught to associate sexual activity with being naughty. It sticks.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Dangerous, taboo, spontanious, risky, wild.

That's all sexy


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Well, I've been both in my marriage: edgy and non-edgy. Edgy definitely works better.

What constitutes "edgy" I'm sure varies from person to person, but for me it's about being Authentic. In my case that translates to being in the shape I want to be in, saying what I want to say (or at least increasing the flow of the filter), and doing what I want to do (so long as it's not to the detriment of the family).

My wife likes my authenticity, even if it's not always comfortable to her. I think one of the biggest reasons I stopped being authentic was that I didn't want to cause her any discomfort. Turned out to be a loser's game. Maybe my story's more about being not "nice" than it is about being "bad".

You don't even have to have a motorcycle. I gave mine up after the last accident.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Dangerous, taboo, spontanious, risky, wild.
> 
> That's all sexy


Yep.

Some just dont grow out of it. And still wonder why its all so dangerous, risky, and wild.:scratchhead:


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

Bad boys stroke the unconscious desire to be protected. When the bad boys display Dark Triad (Narcissist, Machiavellian, Psychopath) features, it also evokes fear in men. Why are moths attracted to the flame?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Middle of Everything said:


> Yep.
> 
> Some just dont grow out of it. And still wonder why its all so dangerous, risky, and wild.:scratchhead:


You don't have to grow out of it entirely.

You just have to re-direct it.

Keeps it sexy.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> I think a lot of children are taught to associate sexual activity with being naughty. It sticks.


I agree. It's sad.


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## Pooh Bear (Dec 28, 2014)

GTdad said:


> Well, I've been both in my marriage: edgy and non-edgy. Edgy definitely works better.
> 
> What constitutes "edgy" I'm sure varies from person to person, but for me it's about being Authentic. In my case that translates to being in the shape I want to be in, saying what I want to say (or at least increasing the flow of the filter), and doing what I want to do (so long as it's not to the detriment of the family).
> 
> ...


Being authentic does not translate as bad to me. Bad to me is "I committed a felony." Isn't that a turn-on?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Pooh Bear said:


> Being authentic does not translate as bad to me. Bad to me is "I committed a felony." Isn't that a turn-on?


I probably committed a felony or two when I was younger. Luckily I only got caught for the small-time stuff.

Like I said, for me I think it was more about being less "nice" than it was about being "bad". Whatever we want to call it, it seems to be working as far as the health of our marriage.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

nuclearnightmare said:


> see what I mean? i.e. what does "bad" mean in this context?
> e.g. One way a man can be truly "bad" is if he harms others physically. e.g. felony-calibre behavior. I assume that kind of bad is not really very attractive...or is it? it definitely qualifies as "not nice"


I am extremely turned on by bad ass women. Not creepy or scummy but confident, tattoos ok, fighters, knows how to handle weapons including "my" weapon, somewhat on the trampy side with self control, someone in touch with her inner b1tch and knows when to let "her" out and how to control "her". Fearless and tough does trip my trigger.

BTW, did the wrong quote but you get my drift.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Lila said:


> I'm a woman and I have no earthly idea. I don't typically associate "bad" with sexy.
> 
> *Kind, protective, take-charge, confident, humble....those are sexy*.


:iagree:


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I'd think the male counterpart would be "naughty girls"... guys trip over themselves when one appears. And rationally, we know they aren't a 'good choice', yet so damn hot for some reason.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

nuclearnightmare said:


> see what I mean? i.e. what does "bad" mean in this context?
> e.g. One way a man can be truly "bad" is if he harms others physically. e.g. felony-calibre behavior. I assume that kind of bad is not really very attractive...or is it? it definitely qualifies as "not nice"


It's an evolutionary imperative for the ladies...

"Other men fear this guy."
"Other men respect this guy."
"Other men won't f*ck w/ this guy."
"...and I get his alpha seed all to myself."

...until they figure out that the last bit -- and Hell, maybe the rest of it as well -- isn't quite the case.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> It's an evolutionary imperative for the ladies...
> 
> "Other men fear this guy."
> "Other men respect this guy."
> ...


there's some "evolutionary" logic there, no question. A lot of men on death row in this country exemplified the first three lines, though.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Jung_admirer said:


> Bad boys stroke the unconscious desire to be protected. When the bad boys display Dark Triad (Narcissist, Machiavellian, Psychopath) features, it also evokes fear in men. Why are moths attracted to the flame?



the truth contains many contradictions etc. 
I see what youre saying......its an interesting conundrum for (some?? many??) women then. no better way to become a victim in life than to marry a genuine psychopath. that can work pretty well for men too, if they want to throw a big chunk of their life away, or all of it.

but we catch up to many of threse kinds of guys eventually. we....society. they are a lot less sexy when they have a life sentence, or are publically disgraced, or when we hang them, electrocute them or otherwise put them to sleep.

I am musing via keyboard a bit here :scratchhead:


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

nuclearnightmare said:


> ..see what I mean? i.e. what does "bad" mean in this context?


---Depends on what age group you're talking about. If you're talking about young girls, then there is an element of teen-age rebellion in their choice of boys. (Three daughters here...)

If the girl's father likes and approves of a young man, that's a virtual kiss of death and I eventually learned to keep my mouth shut when my daughters were still at home. 

But if you run the clock forward a little bit past the storm of adolescence and youthful bad judgement, (And for some females, past an unhappy relationship or two..) good men come into their own...


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all:
I'm attracted to women who are:

sexual: To some people a woman who wants and enthusiastically enjoys sex is "bad". 

self reliant / strong: I want a woman who is fully capable of taking care of her self. Someone who wants me but doesn't need me. This sort of "toughness" is also sometimes associated with "bad".


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ocotillo said:


> *If the girl's father likes and approves of a young man, that's a virtual kiss of death and I eventually learned to keep my mouth shut when my daughters were still at home. *


This is just awful.. when I read things like this.. I feel so WEIRD on this forum.. Just want to raise my hand and say.. *it's NOT always true!*....

When my dad met my H, he trusted him...had his approval.. never swayed me.. and we have 2 teen sons where the Girls are wilder about our boys over how they feel...(I even worry a bit if the girls are coming on too strong, if there would be a fall out)...their dads ADORE them.. if I went on about all the things these dads have said about our sons...well.. it's very praising..

I will say 2 things...they trust them SO much..and us, they allowed their teen daughters to come on an overnight vacation with our family months ago.. and wouldn't hesitate again.. and our boys are also allowed to go places overnight with theirs...

3rd son's GF told me the exchange her Dad had with Grandma over New Years before she met him.....asked what he's like .....and her dad answers "He's the kind of guy you want your daughter to marry"... she loved that & couldn't wait to tell me.. she also goes on how her dad likes him so much he plans trips for them.. it's really a strange thing I guess.. 

Not the kiss of death yet.. 2nd son's been with his GF for *3 straight yrs*...she's a knockout, also a brain, 2nd smartest in their 11th grade class....sometimes I wonder why she is so nuts about our son -to be honest.. but it's there in spades. 

I count these girls pretty level headed... they look around them and see what's out there.. they know guys like our sons don't come around too often.. ..we love them both... Meanwhile... 3rd son's cheer leader 1st love...who had those roving eyes for the bad boys...she tried chumming up to him again.... he's taken now, after she went through about 4 other guys since...Oh she's learning..


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I'm not attracted to "bad" men. I would never want a man who would treat me badly or cheat etc. 

I do want a man who has values and who knows what he wants and who he is. Who won't take crap but also supports others and apologises when he's wrong. 

I do like strong men, however I love men who can also be soft and compassionate


I have known women who liked the bad guy, usually it was from being naive or from having low self esteem and as they got older they moved away from the bad guys.

I've also known guys who have gone for "bad" women.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Not interested in "bad", I adore good men that are confident. I would never tolerate being treated badly.

Having said that watching Sons of Anarchy makes me horny


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Holland said:


> Not interested in "bad", I adore good men that are confident. I would never tolerate being treated badly.
> 
> Having said that watching Sons of Anarchy makes me horny


I have noticed that phenomenon and am researching. Turn ons are funny, no? &#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I only find Bad boys good to LOOK at and for some entertainment value.. Always great to watch in the movies.... but real life.. never been interested in trying to tame the wild buffalo.. 

Higher testosterone men statistically cheat more & prisons are full of them (convicted felons were mentioned)..... they also have more controlling temperaments/ anger issues.. and are emotionally less available...when one weights the good and the bad on each side... give me the Good Guys any day ---please. 

Here is the SEXY mugshot that went VIRAL last year ..oh I can't deny, look at those ocean blue eyes - that serious LOOK.. has some SEX APPEAL... but still wouldn't touch a man like this -unless I lost my mind !! He actually looks like a son of a B___.....Tattoos completely ruin it for me ...I associate them with too many things that would be a deal breaker (maybe not always the case, but it pops in my mind non the less)...










As for SEXY... A gentleman treating his lady like she's the center of his world... when 2 find themselves lost in each other... some intellectual foreplay.. flirtatious banter.....when the good guy is looking a little scruffy - building something...a handyman is SEXY ...or his being dressed to the nines...and you're thinking ...." Oh I can't wait to get you alone tonight !"...

It's so much wrapped up in "the chemistry" of the couple themselves.. not everyone will see SEXY in who does it for us...but yeah.. a little lust on both ends.. does the appetite good.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> When my dad met my H, he trusted him...had his approval.. never swayed me..


That's touching, SA. My three each went through a phase where they would argue about the color of the sky and I would lay awake at night, thinking the last I'd see them was riding away on the back of a pan-head Harley...


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Jessica Rabbit said:


> I'm not bad...I'm just drawn that way.


 *giggle*


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

I think what I hear being described are somewhat one in the same. The confident "steroid filled" man who can fix and build things can go bad without proper direction early in his formative years. Under the right direction that same man, can be the man someone like SA finds attractive. Or the same man without the proper guidance will be the man who looks attractive but SA would run from. 

Parents (especially dads) teach your sons well, teach them to be someone who is a good neighbor, co-worker and great husband and dad. Someone who makes a positive difference in the lives around him, that should be sexy.

My youngest son, who plays football and basketball, I tell him don't just play your best, play to make a difference for the team. And, carry that attitude off the the field and court as well. It takes work, competitive motivation (built into our testosterone filled bodies) and self-discipline. He is in his off-season, but already preparing for the next (with my guidance ). Men can teach their sons to re-focus from "bad" to descent men. They can look somewhat the same but are very different, respect and honor rather than selfish and manipulative. 

So it is not our testosterone filled bodies that is the problem, it is the guidance we require to harness something better from it. My $0.02

Caveat - I did not necessarily get this from my own father, but I did from other male relatives and my kupuna (Hawaiian grandmother).


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ocotillo said:


> *That's touching, SA. My three each went through a phase where they would argue about the color of the sky and I would lay awake at night, thinking the last I'd see them was riding away on the back of a pan-head Harley..*.


I was never the rebellious type to do something that would come back to harm me...I'd spit on that... I listened to those who've lived longer... if I had questions or didn't like what they were saying, I probed more.. if something didn't resonate -I'd want to open it up...nothing wrong with a little arguing/ debate !...So much seemed as "common sense" to me.. 

I was more the Young girl who was telling her friends to be careful, to not TRUST THAT... my H was the same.... he had a friend who wanted him to rob a store yrs before we met...just for kicks...you just couldn't sway him to do something reckless or stupid.. .

Oh we weren't the most adventurous couple around, but we were happy... we had enough friends who kept us entertained with their antics (not robbing stores mind you).. smaller crashings & burnings of sorts. We'd call them A-holes on occasion.. terms of endearment of course. 

Having witnessed my Mother ... no forethought, flying by the seat of her pants...this was the biggest reality check to how our choices can come to haunt , even destroy us..especially with certain types of men.. 



> *Ikaika said*:* I think what I hear being described are somewhat one in the same. The confident "steroid filled" man who can fix and build things can go bad without proper direction early in his formative years. Under the right direction that same man, can be the man someone like SA finds attractive. Or the same man without the proper guidance will be the man who looks attractive but SA would run from*.


 So true... those formative years... how much of a difference just 1 person who believed in us .. can make even..

I didn't have the best examples growing up, obviously... some things modeled were worthy, many others had to be thrown out.. I'd have to say on many fronts, myself & H paved our own way...neither of us are just like our parents ...my Grandmothers influence was the best I had too Ikaika.


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## 'CuseGal (Feb 5, 2015)

It's not just physical attraction I know that. I'm far more attracted to Hugh Jackman as Wolverine than I am to Hugh Jackman as the hero in some sweet rom-com.

However I'd take the rom-com Hugh Jackman over Wolverine when it comes to a serious relationship!

But then there's Hugh Grant. Who I don't think has ever played a bad boy. I'd take him anyway.

But...truth be told...my lifelong celebrity crush is a Christian musician. Doesn't get much more "good boy" than that. And he's not even particularly good looking. To me there's something seriously attractive about a man who has spent 25 years happily married, is a great dad, and publicly admits he's more in love with his wife now than he was when he married her. (The great voice doesn't hurt.)


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Ikaika said:


> The confident "steroid filled" man who can fix and build things can go bad without proper direction early in his formative years.


I agree. There's still a lingering question for me. --Not at a personal level, but simply as an observer of people.

For example, there's a young boy in my neighborhood that I've watched grow up. Ten to twelve years ago, he was dispatching other people's pets with an air rifle and throwing rocks at horses.

Puberty hit and the naked sadism was submerged under a smirk. Now he's irresistible. -So much so that he literally has a retinue following him wherever he goes, whereas bigger, stronger, smarter, "Nicer" boys who would literally braid this little jerk's arms and legs together in a physical confrontation have to work very hard to even be noticed. 

There _does_ seem to be a "Moth to flame" perversity in the human nature. (And not just with women, but men too..)


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> I agree. There's still a lingering question for me. --Not at a personal level, but simply as an observer of people.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I think it also goes to who is gathering around the flame, moths, not butterflies. It says more about them as it does about him. Just my opinion.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

So about 8 years ago I say to my wife that I want a little motor scooter to go to and from work with (We live only 2 miles away from my office and it is nothing more than a 2 lane mountain road). I got a lot of "chuckles" from her and my friends when I would say that I wanted a scooter and I liked the practicality of them...good on gas mileage, good storage...very practical. Anyway we end up at a Honda dealership in SF and my wife sees this used VTX1800R full dress cruiser for sale, right? This thing is a gorgeous black and chrome beast and she asks me to sit on it. I tell her "No...I don't want something like that." She insists...she hounds. I finally say "fine...If I sit on it, will you then be quiet so I can check out the scooters?" She agrees, so I oblige.

Once on the thing, she gets this HUGE smile on her face and sez..."Oh...that is so YOU" and then goes on and on about how she could see us on it.

*sigh* I didn't get my scooter and you guys know how our women can be, right? Needless to say, she won.

Yes, she is drawn to the "bad boy" image as well. I find it surprising as she is such a well educated, learned, articulate, professional woman...interesting dichotomy that I've often pondered.


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## Marriedwithdogs (Jan 29, 2015)

Maybe bc the media portrays "bad" boys as being hot and sexy?

I like for a man to have a backbone, not be afraid to stand up to whoever or whatever, when the cause is right. I am drawn to a more dominant male as opposed to passive. However that does not mean I want him to dominant ME or rule me with an iron fist! Being controlled is NOT sexy!!!


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Ikaika said:


> I think it also goes to who is gathering around the flame, moths, not butterflies. It says more about them as it does about him. Just my opinion.


I think we might be mixing our metaphors a little bit. 

Does every good little Christian girl who finds the idea of vampires titillating embrace the darker aspects of the legend at an intellectual level? (i.e. To come under the influence of a vampire is to become damned, or as the Van Helsing character put it, "Satan's concubine."" Or is there something about the social taboos surrounding sexual attraction that causes this conflict to be arousing in and of itself? 

I don't know. :scratchhead:

In the case of the young man I mentioned; I doubt if his gaggle of admirers know as much about him as I've described or would even believe it if someone told them.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Pooh Bear said:


> I'm not attracted to "bad" men. I'm actually attracted to really good men. It could be that a woman would be attracted to a "bad" man because he is doing things that she would like to do but doesn't have the courage to do herself. But then women are also fed this idea that they can change "bad" men into good men by being sweet and virginal. Think fifty shades of grey. Are men attracted to "bad" girls?


*Being an overtly good guy, nice girls with just a slight streak of wickedness always seem to preeminently attract me! And being a good guy, in no way, entails that you can't occasionally wear the bad boy image with your girl, more especially in matters of flirting/teasing with your lady love, or in the bedroom ~ or anywhere that you might choose to bed her down.

And while you have "nice girls, per se, you also have another type of nice girl called "a pretender!" They will wear that nice girl logo only up until such time that their "true" self emerges and conflict ensues. Such was the case with both of my XW's!*


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> It's an evolutionary imperative for the ladies...
> 
> "Other men fear this guy."
> "Other men respect this guy."
> ...


Evolutionary, the last one is the opposite. 

"If I have a son, he'll have the traits that give me a vast number grand-babies from a multitude of different women"


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I had a tatted up, muscular bad boy type on one of my job sites once. He ignored a very common safety rule and very nearly got another worker killed. I told him to pack up his tools and get off the job site. Called him a stupid SOB too and made sure the other workers heard it and take note. 

I don't have a single tat, I don't ride a Harley, I don't smoke or drink. But my workers know I dont put up with dangerous laziness and they know I have their back. 

I don't call myself a bad boy nor do I think I fall in that category. But on the job I'm El Jefe, and I'm not afraid to use my authority.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I had a tatted up, muscular bad boy type on one of my job sites once. He ignored a very common safety rule and very nearly got another worker killed. I told him to pack up his tools and get off the job site. Called him a stupid SOB too and made sure the other workers heard it and take note.
> 
> I don't have a single tat, I don't ride a Harley, I don't smoke or drink. But my workers know I dont put up with dangerous laziness and they know I have their back.
> 
> ...


*And SE Texas is greatly looking forward to your arrival here! We need more men like you, Bandito! Especially here!*


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *And SE Texas is greatly looking forward to your arrival here! We need more men like you!*


Problem is, if some of the TAM ladies were there and saw how it went down they would call me a jerk. Not particularly sexy I imagine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Problem is, if some of the TAM ladies were there and saw how it went down they would call me a jerk. Not particularly sexy I imagine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


*Don't be fooled, Bandit! The Houston Metroplex is a literal melting pot, especially with the women!*


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *Don't be fooled, Bandit! The Houston Metroplex is a literal melting pot, especially with the women!*


I've only been hear a day and I've already seen some gorgeous Asian women. Wowee! Common trait? None of them had tats. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

I didn't read through all 4 pages, so I'm not sure if someone has brought up this angle, but I personally believe that the attraction to "bad" exists because it's a feeling of being "special" because this hard to love person gives you love and/or attention back. Feelings of "I'm the only one who understands him/her" "no one else knows him/her like I do" "I know a different side of them that no one else sees" etc it gives you this status that is seemingly hard to earn. And that makes you feel special, even if this person is terrible and sucking the life out of you. This person is rough and tough and does -insert "bad" activity here- but yet gives you the time of day, so it gives you this feeling of an exclusive experience with this person. Like you were able to conquer them when no one else could.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Bad boys bring out the mothering instinct in women. They see a bad boy and they just need to tame him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

larry.gray said:


> Evolutionary, the last one is the opposite.
> 
> "If I have a son, he'll have the traits that give me a vast number grand-babies from a multitude of different women"


And yet the man-woman and mother-son relationship paradigms are _completely_ different. Given that, I'd think that most women would be just a bit more at ease w/ the notion that their sons will have multiple children by multiple women than they would w/ idea that their mate might have multiple children by multiple women.

'Cause you know... resources and all.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> Problem is, if some of the TAM ladies were there and saw how it went down they would call me a jerk. Not particularly sexy I imagine.


F*ck that noise. It's a job site, not a knitting class.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

A lot of people crave a challenge. So the man or woman who acts unimpressed.... or worse becomes the one that challenge seeking man or woman prefers. 

I have learned over the years to amp up my feistiness instead being that boring "let's talk, let's gain agreement" type of woman. Men and women too, are more likely to follow along when you indicate, my way or the highway.

And sadly, some people are just passive aggressive. they will choose the exactly the one that they are told not to. OTOH, let's think about some of the specifics of these situations. Quite often, a parent may worried that that their child is dating a drug dealer. OK, say something about it. 

But from my own experience. sometimes parents are just telling their kids that while it's ok to be friends with non whites, please don't date them expect them to join us at our dinner table.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

If you never read Married Mens Sex Life Primer, it talks a bit about this phenomenon. I think Adeline hit the nail on the head actually as for why women flock to the classic toubled "bad boy".

One word sticks in my mind as I've heard so many women say it that I have decided it must be the most important thing women look for, and that is confidence. Certainly other traits come into play for a relationship, but there is no doubt confidence is sexy for attraction.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Observer said:


> If you never read Married Mens Sex Life Primer, it talks a bit about this phenomenon. I think Adeline hit the nail on the head actually as for why women flock to the classic toubled "bad boy".
> 
> One word sticks in my mind as I've heard so many women say it that I have decided it must be the most important thing women look for, and that is confidence. Certainly other traits come into play for a relationship, but there is no doubt *confidence *is sexy for attraction.


That word gets thrown around a lot.

What does confidence look like? What does lack of confidence look like?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

"Bad" isn't sexy on its own. "Bad" can be sexy because it frees the woman to be sexy without feeling like a sl*t. "Bad" boys can be sexy because of what they bring out in us.

People are attracted to others who have something they want in their own lives. For some women, that's the feeling of freedom to be themselves rather than what is expected of them by "good" guys and society.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

So this all boils down to women not being too different from men...the "bad" one to bang, and the "safe" one to bring home to mama?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> So this all boils down to women not being too different from men...the "bad" one to bang, and the "safe" one to bring home to mama?


Nope. Some of us stick with the "bad" one who really wasn't all that bad, just mischievous and playful and non-judgmental. 

Men aren't all one thing either. Different women bring out different aspects of a man.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

bandit.45 said:


> I had a tatted up, muscular bad boy type on one of my job sites once. He ignored a very common safety rule and very nearly got another worker killed. I told him to pack up his tools and get off the job site. Called him a stupid SOB too and made sure the other workers heard it and take note.
> 
> I don't have a single tat, I don't ride a Harley, I don't smoke or drink. But my workers know I dont put up with dangerous laziness and they know I have their back.
> 
> ...


I greatly respect this attitude, when I see it in others, I praise it [email protected]#


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Observer said:


> If you never read Married Mens Sex Life Primer, it talks a bit about this phenomenon. I think Adeline hit the nail on the head actually as for why women flock to the classic toubled "bad boy".
> 
> One word sticks in my mind as I've heard so many women say it that I have decided it must be the most important thing women look for, and that is confidence. *Certainly other traits come into play for a relationship*, but there is no doubt confidence is sexy for attraction.


What I learned in a very humid movie theater this weekend is--apart from being a troubled bad boy, it helps to have ripped abs, a helicopter, and a mattress stuffed with cash.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> That word gets thrown around a lot.
> 
> What does confidence look like? What does lack of confidence look like?


I would say it's how you carry yourself, from walking, talking...the way you stand, body language, attitude. Thin line between confidence and arrogance though, a lot of women are unable to see the difference, hence they end up with unsecure, overbearing gas bag who overcompensates by being a loud mouth.


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## Observer (Aug 23, 2011)

Fozzy said:


> What I learned in a very humid movie theater this weekend is--apart from being a troubled bad boy, it helps to have ripped abs, a helicopter, and a mattress stuffed with cash.


HAHA true! Ah the female...what a wonderful creature she is. Complex or transparent..who can figure it out, lol :scratchhead:


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

nuclearnightmare said:


> see what I mean? i.e. what does "bad" mean in this context?


I don't know about bad boy (maybe there was a twinge of that) but I do know that back in the day he was doing his own thing, had moved out at 16, was renting a flat and was self-sufficient with this way about him that seemed to know the realities of his world; that he knew what he was about and was assertive while being easy to be around. There was a subtle undertone of strength along with a hint of vulnerability. To me, there was an allure about that. 

Those traits still emerge. He's not a 'yes' man. Life might be (falsely) easier for him if he was at times. It amazes me what he's achieved for himself and with his integrity in tact. He's a good guy. Over the years he has altered his look and now has slightly long hair and does have a tat. I don't necessarily relate these things to being a bad boy. Not these days. 

We were conversing before we'd met in person, and had arranged to casually meet at a bar. I remember feeling nervous at the thought of meeting him. We'd barely exchanged smiles and hellos before I went to get a beer with my friend. At which point, an older man asked to see my ID. I had a smidgen of attitude back then and he pulled out his badge. So my (to be) husband saw me being escorted out of the venue for being underage. Needless to say, our evening was cut short. Maybe I just wanted to leave a lasting impression?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Problem is, if some of the TAM ladies were there and saw how it went down they would call me a jerk. Not particularly sexy I imagine.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But would you even care?


The key thing that you wrote was that your coworkers know you have their back.


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