# Am I wasting My Time?!!



## duck3203 (Jul 22, 2010)

The short story - Saw my wife sending nude pics and porno vids to a few guys. Hacked her email and my fears were confirmed. I copied the emails and pic to protect myself in court and sent emails to a few of her guys and her. Years back I had an 'issue' with crossdressing that I quite after she found out.

When we finally talk about her multiple affairs it was all my fault because our sex was almost nothing (I sought out a viagria prescription about a month prior to all this, not real proud of that).

So, she has affairs with at least three guys so far and our 'talk' is It's my fault, I was rude to her guys, she will live the way she has been and we're to poor to do a divorce. I wanted some assurance that she would be faithful, didn't get it. Today right in front of me, Right In Front of Me! she told her 'friend' in german that she has a 'special outfit for him'. He was on her email list for her pics.

So, if she has that little of respect for me, I'm I wasting my time trying to keep this together?


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> So, if she has that little of respect for me, I'm I wasting my time trying to keep this together?


That depends on whether you want to try to save your marriage or not...


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

duck3203 said:


> _So, if she has that little of respect for me, I'm I wasting my time trying to keep this together?_


That depends on if SHE wants to save the marriage or not.


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## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> That depends on if SHE wants to save the marriage or not.


Very few marriages would be saved if the Loyal spouse waited for the Disloyal to decide they wanted to save the marriage. Sometimes it takes some huge doses of reality to break through the fog enough to get the thinking going straight again. His time is only wasted if he is doing something he does not wish to do.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

duck3203 said:


> The short story - Saw my wife sending nude pics and porno vids to a few guys. Hacked her email and my fears were confirmed. I copied the emails and pic to protect myself in court and sent emails to a few of her guys and her. Years back I had an 'issue' with crossdressing that I quite after she found out.
> 
> When we finally talk about her multiple affairs it was all my fault because our sex was almost nothing (I sought out a viagria prescription about a month prior to all this, not real proud of that).
> 
> ...


Look up cuckold. To answer your question... Yes.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

You know what duck? You may not get the result you are hoping for, but your time is your own. YOU are the one who decides if it is a waste of your time, not us. 

I will say, though, that I sort of see two questions here. One is "Will I get her back the way it used to be?" and the other is "How long do I do this?" 

For question #1 I can tell you that you will not get her back the way that it used to be or the way that you wished it was. You had an illusion in your head that you had a happy, loving wife who would never be unfaithful. After an affair, that illusion is lost and usually both you and she would need to mature some--so with the personal growth comes change and that means it will not be "like it used to be." It will be different, but even something that is new can be good. 

For question #2 I can give you some perspective. Lots of times people will marry someone when they are in their 20's, and usually the vow says "...until death parts us" right? So people these days die about 80 years old or so. That means they are vowing to about 60 years together or more! If you spent even up to two years working on this and she came around and did work on herself...that would be 3% of your married life! Yes, just 3% invested to have the rest of the 97% of your time together be happy and emotionally healthy! To me, investing 3% to have a good 97% seems like it is time well spent, not "a waste of time.' 

Still, ultimately it is YOUR life and YOUR time--so you decide. I would recommend not becoming her doormat and taking blame for her choices--she's personally responsible for that not you. So if you keep in mind that you can not change her (she would have to want to change) and keep in mind that you are responsible for what you choose to do, and keep in mind that two wrongs don't make a right...after that it's up to you!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

Tanelornpete said:


> Very few marriages would be saved if the Loyal spouse waited for the Disloyal to decide they wanted to save the marriage. Sometimes it takes some huge doses of reality to break through the fog enough to get the thinking going straight again. His time is only wasted if he is doing something he does not wish to do.


I wasn't suggesting he wait around for anything. It is already apparent that he wants to save the marriage by him saying he wants to save the marriage - "_trying to keep this together_". So I didn't find it necessary to repeat or question what he already stated. Since he wants to try to save the marriage, naturally there are steps they both must take. Frankly, I expected you or your wife to school him in that area and was surprised that you didn't. But whatever they have to do to get her to come around and out of the fog, then yes, he is wasting his time if she refuses to fully participate. Therefore, wasting his time or not is up to her try though he might.


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