# We still sleep in the same bed... but I miss my wife



## Sadandlonelyhusband (Jul 16, 2014)

***Moderator(s), I just can't figure which forum is right for this. If necessary, please relocate it.... Thank you:


We still sleep in the same bed... but I miss my wife. How do I fix this?

Been married over 15 years and take our vows (ie for better or worse) seriously. But there is no contact.
We used to say good night and give, at least, a quick kiss every night. Now nothing. Only been intimate once in the past 2.5 years and that seemed to be more "going through the motions" just because the situation was right at the time.... I miss my wife.

We bicker and snap at each other a lot. Basically short fused and little tolerance. We have 3 wonderful boys that we struggle to make sure they have every opportunity to be active, learn, and grow. Over the years, I have made some poor job choices (both unilaterally and jointly) and it is definitely a struggle to catch up, though seem to be on the right track now. But I know this does not help... I miss my wife.

She resents me. She has told me this time and time again, recently. Although our current situation is as much due to her actions as mine, it is placed squarely on me. She is a SAHM and I appreciate and value that more than I can express and tell her all the time. I want us to be an "us" again... I miss my wife.

I have the hardest time bringing up discussions about anything because it almost always turns into an argument and competition as to who makes the most mistakes. Followed with "I'm done! I'm just DONE!". So when possible, I just go through the motions of trying to put on the right face in front of my boys and trying to not steer our conversations toward anything more than trivial. Very business-like... I miss my wife.

I long for her touch. I long for her emotions. I long for our connection... I miss my wife, yet we sleep in the same bed. I just don't know what to do


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Let me move this to a more appropriate forum. Social Spot isn't the place for this thread.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What does she resent? Have you tried counseling?

I'd say your lack of intimacy (not just sex) is a symptom of the resentments and anger that's festered. Resolve those things, and intimacy will magically return. Ignore them, and things will continue to fester. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

PBear said:


> What does she resent? Have you tried counseling?
> 
> I'd say your lack of intimacy (not just sex) is a symptom of the resentments and anger that's festered. Resolve those things, and intimacy will magically return. Ignore them, and things will continue to fester.
> 
> ...


Agree with this, but sometimes you can't "resolve" things that have happened in the past. The best thing, according to my therapist, is to say "Yeah, I screwed up. I apologize" and then move on. If she keeps bringing up the past it's in order to continually play the victim card because she's right in those cases.

Professional help is probably the answer. If she won't go, go alone and let her know you are going because you are serious about saving the marriage.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

First thing I would recommend to you is making fighting rules. Communication seems to be a big issue and you guys need to argue fairly.

Stay on subject/no changing to another event
No anger
No screaming

etc etc (you 2 have to sit down and define that).

Then you need to figure out what she is resentful for?

Meanwhile, EVERYTHING you talked about from Intimacy perspective, I would ask you to start taking steps YOURSELF. You know that you are as guilty as she is, so first, make sure your end is covered. Initiate, be romantic and just cover your 50% of involvement when it comes to intimacy and affection.

In time, hopefully she will come around. If she doesn't, you will need to start think about future. 

Will you accept this for the rest of your life if it continues? Personally I wouldn't.

There is NO relationship if there is no affection or intimacy. Sorry.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening sadandlonelyhusband
This is no way to live. You are unhappy. Surely she is unhappy. 

If it is still possible to talk to her at all, try to convince her that fault doesn't matter in a relationship. That if you both are willing to start with a clean slate, willing to forgive and forget EVERYTHING, that maybe you can be happy together again, maybe you can be in love. Surely it is worth a try for both of you - nothing is going to be worse that where you are now.

If she can't accept that, then I think divorce is the only option. Neither of you is happy, and you are not helping your children. Children are very good at sensing that something is wrong even if they don't know what it is.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sadandlonelyhusband said:


> *She resents me. *She has told me this time and time again, recently. Although our current situation is as much due to her actions as mine, it is placed squarely on me. She is a SAHM and I appreciate and value that more than I can express and tell her all the time. I want us to be an "us" again... I miss my wife.


WHY? I think this question is of major importance for you. What is your "current situation" that you are referring to?


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

Resentments and lack of emotional bonding are what makes you both so distant and cold without intimacy (emotional and physical). You both arbue a lot, how is your current life together? Are each of you too tired with responsibilities, is there lack of money and stress to pay the bills?

Perhaps you need to work things out bit by bit. Pointing fingers to any side in this moment would only further the distant and resentments. Both of you are imperfect human beings so forgive the poor choices or faults and mistakes. Focus on what you want now. If you want to work things out and foster the bond again then it's this you want to focus at.

Perhaps try to start planning a romantic dinner or night time together away from the kids? Maybe send them to school trips or to families for a weekend. Or just a night. If it's too expensive then perhaps plan a surprise dinner at home, like maybe she goes shopping or to family while you prepare a romantic dinner at home, plus watching a movie at home while cuddling and have some special dessert you prepared for both. Try to see what she likes to eat and how she might like. Have a time for enjoyment and bonding, forget about physical intimacy for now as it's about bonding emotionally first. You guys are like stranger now so it's important to bond emotionally again before intimacy, and that way your wife won't think that you only wanted sex. Then perhaps at the end of the night you tell her how you missed her and her emotions, that what you want is to be happy together again. Talk about how you feel and how she must feel and not the mistakes or who is at wrong. Pointing fingers would only make both too defensive to listen, generating more hurt in the end.

Again, you guyys are like strangers now so it's important to work on emotional bonding again. You need to go dating with each other, do little romantic things to enjoy some good times and forget about the daily stress. Maybe get her a small gift like a non expensive bracelet or do some favors for her. Help with some chores too and tell her you understand that being a SAHM is not always easy.

This whole post might sound like you have to do all the work but it's more coz you are the OP and I can only direct to you. In the end, she will also put on efforts of course and you can't be the nice one of course, but someone needs to take initiative first so since you came here I direct this post to you.

Maybe you can also try counselling, so you get proper guidance from an impartial stranger and not feel judged from neither side.

Also, lastly, how fit are you physically? Taking care of your looks is also important to regain the attraction.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Did you tell her you miss her?

Pride is a part of the problem in my estimation. She wants to be right. Maybe she believes she deserves more, but upon what basis? 

Were your screw ups selfish in nature?

Three kids is rough. I really think getting a job would help her. Facing the day in day out of the kids and the home is claustrophobic. There is too much time to focus on what makes you angry or never seems to get done... Laundry, cleaning, bills, etc. And you not being there makes it feel even more like she is such with all of the hard stuff.

Time away from the kids and time together, just as adults is absolutely necessary.

Maybe she needs some spoiling.

Dunno.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Sadandlonelyhusband said:


> We bicker and snap at each other a lot. Basically short fused and little tolerance. We have 3 wonderful boys that *we struggle to make sure they have every opportunity to be active, learn, and grow. *Over the years, *I have made some poor job choices (both unilaterally and jointly) *and it is definitely a struggle to catch up, though seem to be on the right track now. But I know this does not help... I miss my wife.


Did you ever ask her what exactly are the things that you did that made her so angry with you? I'm guessing 1) that you both made a decision to uproot the family to another area without talking to her AND you "convinced" her that the family needed to move to other locations for work. When they fizzled, she left areas with strong support networks and friendships to go live somewhere else that didn't pan out. If you did this unilaterally, it would be a HUGE deal to the marriage IMHO. Also, I'm guessing that both you and your wife are running your kids all over the place to participate in as many activities as possible. If you are the one that is driving all these activities, I can see her building resentments over you pouring too much of yourself into your kids to the detriment of the marriage. If it's not you doing this, then cut out some activities. Most likely, the kids are in too many things.

Just my speculation so far. Hopefully, you can enlighten us on your situation so that we can help out better.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Sadandlonelyhusband said:


> ***Moderator(s), I just can't figure which forum is right for this. If necessary, please relocate it.... Thank you:
> 
> 
> We still sleep in the same bed... but I miss my wife. How do I fix this?
> ...


OK.

#1 stop with the bickering. Wicked sexy dudes that girls can't keep their hands off don't bicker like... well, like b!tchy women. Do b!tchy women find other b!tchy women attractive? No.

#2 keep the job stuff on track, be upfront and confident about it. Feel successful at all you've learned and are accomplishing and let it show.

#3 how's the fitness level? Confidence? Dress? Hygiene? Sort all that stuff out. You'll know that you're on track here when other women notice you, are overtly chatty with you, or come on to you. Those are my litmus tests, anyway. If I don't have a reasonably attractive woman try to flirt with me at least once a week or two, I know I'm a bit off track and need to get back on the wagon or change something up with my diet, exercise, clothes, or something. 

Try this for 3 months. Until you know you both notice the change in you. See if that triggers a positive change in her. You'll know, because at this time try hugging her, kissing her, whatever floats your boat. Do it quick, guerrilla style. In and out and away before she can have a hissy fit. If she doesn't have a hissy fit, keep it going, you're likely in a better place.

However...

After 3 months, or sometime before, you'll likely get a BIG sh!t test from her. BLOW IT OFF. Just laugh it off, let it roll off of you, and don't let it get you upset.

She'll ask what you are doing, or start to act nervous, or whatever. That's the time to sit her down and tell her that no sex in 2.5 years is not any kind of marriage you want to be part of, and you're trying to be the best most awesome dude you can be for yourself, and for your kids, and for your marriage. And any marriage you want to be part of includes sex.

Then walk away and let her sit with that for a while.

That's my advice.

Worked like gangbusters for me, with a few tweaks for my particular situation.


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

As others have suggested, you need to have a sit down with your wife. If you can't learn to fight fair and work on your problems, then you need to go to MC. And, tell her I miss you. It never hurts.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

inquizitivemind said:


> As others have suggested, you need to have a sit down with your wife. If you can't learn to fight fair and work on your problems, then you need to go to MC. And, tell her I miss you. It never hurts.


In my experience, resentment that isn't linked to some obvious d-bag move that is accompanied by lack of sex is usually a result of "I'm not attracted to you therefore every thing you do wrong bugs the crap out of me and I resent you for that" and can morph into lack of affection and zero sex. It doesn't even have to be a conscious thing, just a body agenda thing.

At least that was a component of my first (failed) marriage and happened in my current one, too.

Unless he's holding something big back of course.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Sex once in the past 2 1/2 years and she is a SAHM. 

Could be she has someone else. You should at least consider this and do some checking.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

barbados said:


> Sex once in the past 2 1/2 years and she is a SAHM.
> 
> Could be she has someone else. You should at least consider this and do some checking.


I was sort of thinking along the same lines. I wouldn't tolerate two and a half weeks, let alone two and a half years.

I would have had a discussion with her after the first month of this nonsense and laid down the law. You know, something along the lines of "we have regular sex or I'll get it somewhere else" kind of thing. Some things can't and shouldn't be tolerated and this is a primary one IMO.

You may need to consider a life without her but that shouldn't be hard as you've had a good taste of that already. Truthfully, you'd get laid more if you were divorced and dated a little than staying in your current situation.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Sorry I have no solution but if she has no interest in any kind of intimacy with you and it's been 2.5 years she's bidding her time. Deep down you have to know this. She's a SAHM. Does she have options if she leaves? 

People who harbour this kind of resentment generally can't be changed. Too caught up in her anger and contempt to save the marriage.


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## Sadandlonelyhusband (Jul 16, 2014)

First.... Thank you everyone for giving your feedback. Some very hard to read. I do not know how to put the quotes to reply directly, so please forgive the blanket response.

A common question was for a little more info. Why is she resentful? What were the job decisions?...
They are related. The job decision was not a move, but rather a change of industry. Into a commission based sales (ie. not a steady budget-able income). She was not necessarily comfortable with it. I was not getting any other offers (right around the time of the big economic crash) so chose to move ahead anyway. In so doing, also happened to move into this (unknowingly) with a company and an individual that was less than honest. As a result, we were left in a very bad financial position. Further drawback was that she decided to maintain the lifestyle as though we still had the same income I had before getting "down-sized". Fast forward a bit and I get a good stable position which I stayed with for far too short when I got "head-hunted" for an executive position. Having made the mistake already, I was not willing to decide unilaterally again so had her join the process with me. By the end she said to me "you'd be crazy to not do this". So gave up my good stable job with great benefits only to be swindled again (to which I am still in legal battles to rectify). Although this was a joint decision this time, 100% placed on me and told frequently she resents me for this.

In the past, we did do counselling which did help. But can no longer afford to do this. And yes I both understand and agree that it is not just the sex (though important to me as it consumes my thoughts almost all day every day) but the emotional connection. As I mentioned... I miss my wife

When I said we bicker etc.... It was me taking responsibility for my part of it. That said, I do not get into it the same way. I don't bring up the past or point the fingers, but it does happen usually followed with "and you obviously don't care because you haven't (gone back in time and changed the decisions you made) or in a constant state of meltdown". I already stress daily/hourly about staying on track and getting to a better financial position while the thought of sex is always prevalent. I don't have time to meltdown as it does not help. With this, it is not really possible to set fighting rules as it will be responded to poorly as me telling her how to feel.

I try to be close. Give her a kiss on the cheek, hold her hand, a gentle touch when I can. I have intentionally tried to "woo her" again. Sometimes she gets a small glimmer in her eyes. More often, I just see the anger.

I have told her I miss her and want to be us again. She has said she wants that too, but not recently. Recently I have started thinking on the lines of what some of the last posts have mentioned or alluded to: Is she having an affair? emotional or physical? (so you know, I have been fighting to hold back tears each time I read that suggestion, and now full on crying as I type). Little things that make me suspicious happen all the time. I can't tell if there is substance to my concerns or if it is paranoia because I can't seem to explain anything else.

As I mentioned what we do for our kids, it is not to the point of over busy and taxi driving all around. But as things get more difficult for me to handle, I have started putting more of myself into those activities simply because it keeps my mind focused. 

She had a bout of PPD after our first. At that time the physical connection stopped too. I tried to understand what she was going through and was patient. She actually often said to me then, that she would not be surprised or mad if I were to "get it elsewhere" (never did). This could be a contributing factor again (though it isn't the same) but not all of it. The counselling very much helped, but as mentioned before, can't afford it now.

Thanks again for the feedback so far and some of the confirmation to what I have been thinking as well as some words of encouragement. For now I look forward to further comments, but now need to compose myself so I can get back to work


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Make yourself the best you can be.

Tell her what you expect from your marriage.

Give her a chance to respond.

If she doesn't, you're done.

Give it 6 months, tops.

If you're done, exit clean, rip the bandaid off, and let you both move on.


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## Sadandlonelyhusband (Jul 16, 2014)

@marduk
This is so hard to consider for me... I just don't know that I can accept that outcome. It is so difficult to even hear.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

She maintained the same lifestyle or you both did? If it was her did you attempt to reign her in or were you getting too guilty? If guilty, that's a mistake she probably resents you for as well... Not being the leader. It is a lose-lose but not putting your foot down on important family issues is worse than having to tighten your belt and suffer together. 

She sounds spoiled.

I'm very serious that going back to work is important. I learned a lot being a stay at home mom. Once the kids are at a good age going back to work is the best thing much of the time. Stay at home moms, given the internet, are in danger for EAs because they have too much free time and not enough adult interaction. So pay attention to her internet use. Get a bead on where she hangs out online.

Since intimacy dwindled with the first I am guessing that you were patient and hoped for the best instead of pursuing her as though she were your girlfriend. Becoming a mom is confusing physically especially if you breast feed. Your body becomes the baby's and not your husband. It gets worse if you grow up and your husband is still acting like a young man or boy. Men don't tend to keep up at that time and it can kill the marriage even though the guy remains clueless and doesn't hear what she is saying despite how many times or ways she tries to convert her feelings.

I feel she is probably out the door in her mind but doesn't have the logistics down.

What's her level of independence? And who are her friends? Single? Married? Happily married? That really matters.

I don't think you have a choice but to be direct and say that you want a better relationship and that you will accept nothing less than a sincere effort from both of you... And that includes sex at least weekly for now but ideally 2-3 times per week which would be considered normal/average for a married couple. Nonnegotiable. Men and women BOTH need to t release those warm and fuzzy chemicals together to bond emotionally. That means she needs to O. How was that area way back when?

Do not be needy. Be clear. Do not be a nice guy. Be honest. 

Look down the road a bit and plan a vacation for the two of you... Maybe six months from the talk where you spell out the changes you want to see. That's something you can plan and work on together. Don't put money into it right away. 

Do some recon. Get a vision of what you want your life to look like with her or without, and then plan implementation. Tell her what you require and help her succeed. If she fails it will then be because she didn't have the desire to resolve the marital issues, not because you posed a road block.

You will have to ask her what her vision is as well. If she waffles or doesn't know tell her that is a problem but until she has a vision you will work toward yours and you would like her to consider it her own as well.

If you get strong and can still be kind, you will either see a change in her or know you've lost her for good. No change means she has her own secret agenda. Small change means she has an agenda she is scaling back temporarily until your resolve breaks. Or plain old she doesn't think you are going to do anything in the first place but has a small concern you might.

You have to do something and you have to lead. Problems at work don't get resolved just by people saying they wish things were different. There are visions, goals, milestones and timelines. You have to have some metrics within reason.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Sadandlonelyhusband said:


> @marduk
> This is so hard to consider for me... I just don't know that I can accept that outcome. It is so difficult to even hear.


Well, you can stay and remain a sad and lonely husband.

Your wife doesn't have any physical interest in you.

Your wife resents you for a choice she had a part in making.

Heck, your wife doesn't even like you, other than for the money you bring into the equation.

And it's hard to consider giving her an ultimatum?

Okay. I don't see what you would be losing by telling her to get her feces amalgamated or there will be serious consequences.:scratchhead:


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Sadandlonelyhusband said:


> @marduk
> This is so hard to consider for me... I just don't know that I can accept that outcome. It is so difficult to even hear.


Then she has ALL the power.

And she won't respect you.

And she won't be attracted enough to be your wife.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

When a person holds on to something negative for a long time, refusing to deal with it, it's because they are getting something out of that anger. In your wife's case is sounds like she gains a lot of power in the relationship for the anger. She also is using it to maintain a wall between you. This way she does not have to face her own faults and can basically live an independent life while you do all the work earning an income and all the worrying. She's probably not as unhappy as you think. She's created the life she wants.

The only way that you will change this is if you destabilize this sick life-style she's created.

If I were you, the first thing I would do is to verify that she's not cheating. She very well might not be but it would help to be completely sure.

You said that there are things that made you wonder sometimes. What are these?

Another thing that you need to do is to start doing every thing you can to improve as a person. Working out is a good thing. It will reduce your stress and make you look/feel a lot better. Do you have weight to lose? If so it's time to do it.

What things do you do for yourself?


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## ariel_angel77 (May 23, 2014)

richardsharpe said:


> If she can't accept that, then I think divorce is the only option.


Gee, you guys suggest divorce in every single thread, don't you?



inquizitivemind said:


> As others have suggested, you need to have a sit down with your wife. If you can't learn to fight fair and work on your problems, then you need to go to MC. And, tell her I miss you. It never hurts.


This advice is amazing. I agree. MC can for sure improve your marriage TONS and save it from further destruction (I am a living testimony to that), just make sure you find a therapist who has lots of great reviews and a good success rate. There are some pretty bad therapists out there so you want to find a good one.

I agree that you should tell her you miss her. Tell her you miss the relationship and intimacy you used to share. Nothing can go wrong with you expressing your feelings.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

ariel_angel77 said:


> I agree that you should tell her you miss her. Tell her you miss the relationship and intimacy you used to share. Nothing can go wrong with you expressing your feelings.


Not sure I agree.

In two marriages, when she is limiting affection and going dark on me because of attraction issues...

Opening up about your feelings can just turn them off about you.

I had to turn the attraction issues around, and only NOW are fixing the emotional stuff.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> When a person holds on to something negative for a long time, refusing to deal with it, it's because they are getting something out of that anger. In your wife's case is sounds like she gains a lot of power in the relationship for the anger. She also is using it to maintain a wall between you. This way she does not have to face her own faults and can basically live an independent life while you do all the work earning an income and all the worrying. She's probably not as unhappy as you think. She's created the life she wants.


Absolutely on target. SLH, you need to pay attention. Your wife has you snookered Dawg and without following EleGirl's instructions, ain't nothing going to change except she'll physically ditch you like she emotionally already has done.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I feel for you OP, I really do. She's holding onto a LOT of resentment.

There's no getting around it - your marriage, your family are in crisis and it's time to mobilise things. Everything except your marriage needs to go on the back burner for now. Including the kids. Not their needs of course, but their wants must come second. You and your wife need to channel ALL your reserves into saving this marriage and family.

If I were in your shoes, I would sit my husband down and tell him we cannot continue to live like this. Neither of us are happy and we need to make our marriage our No. 1 priority and get to work. I would say that I don't want to rehash the problems, I want us to work out a plan to help us move forward. Counselling is a must.

That said, you can't do it alone. If she won't join you in this, you may need to accept that the marriage is over.


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## Brafdor (Jan 27, 2014)

Just out of curiosity, what does she bring to the relationship other than tending the kids?


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## bjchristian (Jul 23, 2014)

This case sounds like a complex problem that has been brewing for a good number of years. You two may be too close to the situation to fully understand how to solve it. If you haven't solved it in a few years it's time for a mc to intervene before more damage and distance is done to the relationsihp.

Sounds like there is a lot of resentment, hurt, misguided anger and confusion that needs to get cleared or thrown out the window before you can rekindle things.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Sadandlonelyhusband said:


> ***Moderator(s), I just can't figure which forum is right for this. If necessary, please relocate it.... Thank you:
> 
> 
> We still sleep in the same bed... but I miss my wife. How do I fix this?
> ...


As far as I can make up from this post there is a simple solution to your problem.

Two blockades for that though.

The first is that she may have an EA or PA going on. That needs to be excluded for certain first.

The second is yourself. That is the real problem. You are where you because of your thinking. I rarely meet a person who is willing to change his thinking. They rather die in misery than that. Because it feels they will lose all, including themselves.

But it is the chance to find yourself, and a whole new world above that.

Make a decision to change. To do it whatever you have to give up. I assure you you will give up only bad things, but that you do not see it like that now, it is like cancer, it grows because it is part of you. You feed it. You need change to cure, maybe amputate some things that you consider part of your undividable self.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

Sadandlonelyhusband said:


> I try to be close. Give her a kiss on the cheek, hold her hand, a gentle touch when I can. I have intentionally tried to "woo her" again. Sometimes she gets a small glimmer in her eyes. More often, I just see the anger.
> 
> I have told her I miss her and want to be us again. She has said she wants that too, but not recently.


An example of 180 degree the wrong actions.

Even though you get no sex for so long, you keep trying to nice her into giving in. You did not evaluate your actions, change them to see if other things work better! Major error on your side.

She sees you as weak and pathetic. You get no sex, because she is angry at just the behavior you use to have her behave nice!

Read Married Man Sex Life Primer, website has free articles, the book you can buy.

Further a little from No More Mr. Nice Guy.

From these I advise to take only the most elementary improvements, and implement these in your life. The advise given by other posters is a good example of actions like these.

It does not matter with what you start, pick some change you like, BUT STOP BEHAVING WEAK. You have to cut that out like a cancer!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Festering unresolved resentment is probably the #1 sex killer in marriages.. 

From all you have said, your wife sounds spoiled rotten to me.. as a SAHM for the most part, if we were drowning in bills, I'd put myself out in the work place if I expected to continue a certain lifestyle... I bet you make more in a year than we ever did....and I never felt this in my marriage but was wholly thankful I could afford to stay home..there were sacrifices but they were worth it...

With the sparkle in her eye completely disappearing and her refusing to see any of her own faults... she has effectively tied your hands behind your back.... I give your credit for even wanting to work this out.. your attitude is very soft, I can't imagine even feeling that way -if I was treated as you the last 4 yrs... 

I too, would suspect she is getting her emotional needs met elsewhere -at least. 

Taken from my resentment thread ... >>>> Resentment Test 









...........Resentment: The Biggest Relationship Killer..........

Resentment often functions in a downward spiral. Resentful feelings cut off communication between the resentful person & their spouse who they feel wronged them, which often results in future miscommunications & the development of further building of a resentment wall. Because of the consequences they carry, resentful feelings are dangerous to live with and need to be dealt with. Resentment is an obstacle to the restoration of equal moral relations among persons, and must be handled and expunged via introspection and forgiveness.

*MOST COMMON ISSUES FACED BY COUPLES*:


> “Not Tonight Dear” Why Couples Stop Having Sex (and what you can do about it)
> 
> *1*. Anger and resentment in the relationship
> *2*. Mediocre or boring sex
> ...


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