# Spouse cheated, now OW is pregnant!



## Brokenheart8 (Mar 1, 2018)

On Jan 24th my husband let me know he had been unfaithful and the OW had informed him she is pregnant with his child. I was completely devastated. My husband and I have a 3 yr old together and have known each other for 10 years. I never had a reason to believe he was cheating on me, I never thought he was capable of doing so. The news has hit me pretty hard and I am not sure what to do. We didn't speak for a month and when we finally spoke, he claimed he wanted to continue a relationship with me, he wanted to work things out. He claims he doesn't love the OW, she has developed feelings for him but he says he always told her where she stood. He says he wants to be there for the child, but she's already manipulating him, telling him he doesn't want him involved if I'm in the picture, and things like that. We started counseling last week and we've agreed to keep going every week. However I can't help but think he wants to be with her and not me, because with her it was easy and with me well we have work now... 

I don't know what to do. Should I just move on, and keep being civil for the sake of our son? I love this man and he claims he loves me. He says it was meaningless sex and I can't help but think there's more to the story. I'm tired of having the same conversation when I see him, and I'm tired of thinking about this every day. How do I keep myself from thinking about this? Can we move past this? Im so confused and hurt.


----------



## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

You concentrate on yourself for now. I hope you both are in individual therapy as well.

Of course it’s all fun and games until someone gets pregnant or gains an STD.

You should probably get an STD check as well.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I'm sorry that you are going through this. It's bad enough to find out your spouse is cheating. A child on top of it must be awful.

Until there is a DNA test that shows he's the father, he's not the father. The woman was capable of sleeping with a married man... for all he knows she has another man or two as well.


----------



## SomeLurker (Mar 1, 2018)

You need to speak with an attorney to see what your options are and how to best protect your son. 

In some jurisdictions who ever files for child support first will get the larger amount of support since the second person filing takes into consideration the fact that his income is actually lower do to support going to the first child. Should the child be his, you want your child to be receiving the possibly larger amount in the event that you divorce.


----------



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

If it was me, NO THERE WOULD BE NO FIXING THIS...

this other woman wants your husband and trust me she will manipulate the hell out of your husband and YOU, and YOUR OWN CHILD. 

this woman is sick, and since your husband was willing to risk it with her, he should keep her. 

Love is a choice and I would CHOSE to not love anymore. He screwed you both over. (your child and YOU) 

Get your ducks in a row as in file for child support. It usually goes to whom ever files first, NOT who was born first, so you need to protect what your child has more of a right to. i would also divorce and get the alimony all set up and then let her try to take her cut for her own kid. As to your POS husband.... Let him suffer. 

but that is just me. You do you.


----------



## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

threelittlestars said:


> If it was me, NO THERE WOULD BE NO FIXING THIS...
> 
> this other woman wants your husband and trust me she will manipulate the hell out of your husband and YOU, and YOUR OWN CHILD.
> 
> ...


Ruthless! Haha. My grandmother always said "You don't choose who you love" and I tend to agree. Although you can make choices that separate yourself from someone, I don't think you can just wish away love... because then everyone would be doing that and separation wouldn't be so hard. 

In terms of cheating, I think people can make mistakes...however, it seems like this wasn't really a mistake for your husband unless he is just SUPPPERRR careless to have not worn protection (for his sake and yours). This was really, really shortsighted and selfish. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't seek to reconcile but you have made your choice so I hope it works for you both.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I hope it works out.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

You should already know what to do. It's something that everyone should think about even as teenagers. Did you never say to yourself "If my boyfriend (or husband) cheats on me, I will leave him?" Or, Did you never set any standards for yourself and the men you dated? Now you are in this situation with no idea what to do.

Well, even if you never said it, you should love yourself enough to know what you have to do even though it is hard as h3ll and you don't want to do it. This is your reality no matter what you don't want to do. You have to face the reality.

Whether you stay with him or not, that woman is going to create all kinds of problems in your life. She has already started with her manipulations. It doesn't matter if you and he work things out or not, she's going to make his life h3ll and that translates into making YOUR life h3ll though him. If you divorce him, the problems will be at a minimum. If you stay with him, the problems she creates in your life will be endless with her constant demands and manipulations. And that is not even to mention you having the constant reminder of their child in your face every single day. You will have to see the child or if you never have to see him/her, you will have to always know that your husband is with that woman in order to spend time with their child. This is a never-ending nightmare of torture for you from all directions.

Since you are too devastated right now to make a decision about your marriage, at least be wise and proactive to protect yourself and your child as much as you can. Go see an attorney, require that he pay your attorney fees if you don't have the money, file for legal separation, request child support, and request maintenance support. That way, he will still have to maintain the home you and your child live in, and he'll have to take care of your court costs.

This is all so hurtful and devastating, and you are incredibly confused, but it doesn't matter how you feel right now. Push that aside and deal with it as you are able because for now, you have to be smart and do what's best for yourself and your kid. If you decide later to work things out with him, then you can always do that and not file for divorce. But even if you do change your mind about divorcing, don't let him off the hook from the separation agreement no matter how much he begs and tries to convince you, which he will surely do. You are going to need the child support and maintenance, so don't let him get over on you like that. He has done quite enough to you as it is.

And go to the doctor right away to make sure you don't have any STD. Both AIDS and Hep-C are running rampant.


----------



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

I second the above... 

You really NEED to do the legal crap to protect yourself. if if if if you try to reconcile you can do that with the legalities being in place. Protect yourself and YOUR child first from your husband and this other woman. 

At this point your husband may be trying to stay with you, but he has done NOTHING to protect you and your child. You need to get him to cooperate with giving you some LEGAL peace of mind.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Regardless of whether the child is his or not...

He cheated. I couldn't forgive that, but that's just me.

And meaningless sex? Please. That's just him making excuses. There's no such thing as meaningless sex. He meant it or he wouldn't have done it.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Satya said:


> Regardless of whether the child is his or not...
> 
> He cheated. I couldn't forgive that, but that's just me.
> 
> And meaningless sex? Please. That's just him making excuses. There's no such thing as meaningless sex. He meant it or he wouldn't have done it.


IMO saying the sex was meaningless is even more disrespectful to your spouse. In essence, what you are saying is that you were willing to throw away your marriage... _over nothing!
_
Stupid.
Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

Unforunately, you won't be able to stop thinking about this, for as long as you remain in a relationship with him.

Infidelity never goes away. You'll never fully trust him again. You'll wake up in the morning and your first thought will be about his cheating and this will go on for years.

You'll have to think about and deal with him interacting with this woman for the next 18 years.

He will be seeing her, talking to her, etc, all things co parents do.

You only found out because she got pregnant.

You don't have the whole story, guaranteed.

The person you think you married doesn't really exist, its a false front for someone of poor character.

You are young and so is your child. Cut your losses and run. Move on.

Kick him out and file for divorce as quickly as you can.


----------



## annierose7995 (Mar 11, 2018)

Step 1, get an std test. Next, get a divorce. The above is right. You are young and you like anyone has a chance of finding someone who will treat you better. So just cut your losses and run for the hills. Yes, you do have to co parent with him, but you don't have to put up with him in more than that.


----------

