# My husband won't touch me!



## anabella (Sep 18, 2012)

Here is a case in which there is a little of everything:
Financial Stress (currently living with my mother)
Past drug and alcohol abuse (on his part) 
Age difference (he is 14 years older than me)
Different background (I am hispanic and he is white)
Cheating tendencies (On his part)
There is more, but that is all I can quickly think of...:scratchhead:
We have known eachother since I was 18 and I am now 27. He is 41 and have been married for only 2.5 years now and have a almost 3 year old son. We dated for almost 2 years until he decided to cheat on me with an ex. He was using drugs and alcohol then and I wasn't aware of it but decided to blame his affair on that and that is how I found out he had an substance abuse problem. The sex was much better then. Decided to split for 2 years and we both had time to think and seems like we both realized we needed eachother to be happy. Gave it another shot, I became pregnant (unplanned).... needless to say the sex was still good and frequent... Got married around 4-5 months after having our son. After giving birth to my son I worked very hard to get back into shape and have accomplished it. Sex was good until about 9 months ago or so... 
He has gained some pounds but no big deal for me. We have been struggling financially and had to move to my moms house, my son has to sleep in the same room as we do and that leaves to privacy almost... He suddenly has rules about having sex... for example we can never have sex at night... he gets home from work eats and wants to just go to sleep no good night kiss no cuddle, I cant even remember the last time we shared a passionate kiss  If I wake up early enough and iniciate things between us then the chances are pretty good but if I dont we can easily go as far as an entire month without any physical contact unless I look and work for it. I don't really know if this has anything to do with his age or his past substance abuse...perhabs the fact that we have very little privacy is also affecting our sexual life... I am a night lover, have always been and we used to do it at night all the time back when we were dating and I enjoy sex in general I am willing to spice things up and explore to make things work between us but as of right now I am not satisfied at all and can not understand why this is happening... He has turned into a very cold and isolated person. Divorse for me is not an option and neither is cheating but I must do something.... I will have to talk to him about this but I also need guidance as far as how to do it without preasuring him ....


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry you find yourself in this position.

From your post I would suspect that most of the issues are his. I would think that the lack of privacy is the most difficult.

Also, is he on any medications that could be affecting his drive? Also, he's right about at the age where he should have his testosterone levels checked. 

Does he work 7 days a week? If not, would he do night sex on a Friday and/or Saturday night?

Have you asked him why not?


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## SoulMeetsBody (Sep 22, 2012)

I'm only 23, but I'm still a guy and I think I can relate to your husband a little. I'm in a similar situation with my wife, financial problems and living with my parents. Toddler that sleeps in bed with us. For me, my son in the bed does not bother me that much. There's times when I wish we had the privacy and freedom to be more sexually spontaneous, but that isn't a huge issue. I don't think its you either, I think its him and his own emotional health. When a man is going through financial troubles and can't provide everything that his family needs, it takes a toll on all aspects of his life. I've just now realized this myself, and because hindsight is 20/20, I can see how it affected my relationship for several months. If your husband has a conscious, which I'm sure he does, then I think he probably feels guilty for whatever has happened to you all. If he pushes that guilt inside and doesn't ever talk to you or anyone else about it, that guilt may turn into discontent, anger, or this introvertedness you mentioned. Have you talked to him about everything that's happened? Is it possible that you unintentionally or intentionally made him feel more guilty about it? How are your communication skills as a couple in general?

I'm only speaking from my own experience and going off of what you posted, but I highly doubt it is a physical problem. I think physical problems are all too often a scapegoat for a more serious and dangerous (to a relationship) emotional issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Soulmeetsbody has a very insightful post. To a man, providing for his family is essential. When he can't do that he may feel a little bit depressed. Just eating and going to sleep after work without much interaction points in that direction.


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