# Should we seperate longer?



## confusedlittleme (Apr 23, 2012)

A little about us,

We have been together since I was 13 & he was 15

We married when I was 23 and he was 25

We had twin daughters when I was 24 and he was 26

We separated when I was 26 and he was 28

We have been separated now for 6 months due to him having an emotional affair with a coworker (20yrs old) They started working together when the twins were 2 months old.

He said that he loved her and that she loved him. He was very remorseful and sorry and said he wont speak to her again. I said he had to quit his job ( it was a 2nd job working in a tribute band, so they traveled a bit) I also made him ring her in front of me to tell her it was over, she cried and he sounded so sad. I was so angry at this stage. We decided to move on from this and went to 1 counselling session which went well. 

His boss rang and said he had to fill in the rest of his contract to the band (3 months left) I was not happy about this but I understood. Emotions from both of us were very up and down at this stage.

Arguments were constant. I found out that he used his parents phone to call her for 3.5 hours one night. When I approached him he said it was for closure but my gut was telling me something different.

We decided to separate. We started having separate lives. When I was child free I went out with friends and I knew he was doing the same. In my eyes we were over. I started seeing other people and I knew he was seeing the 20 year old again.

I would ask him lets get back together and he would say no then a few weeks later he would ask me and I would say no. Its been a constant roller coaster for 6 months and now we are seriously talking about getting back together. But he is scared and I am scared that it will go back to the way it was. I got mild depression after having the twins, so I wasn't easy to live with.

We have said some really nasty things to each other over the 6 months and we have slept with other people also, which he says he might not be able to get over. Because we were each others first.

I would love to know if this roller coaster of "should we? shouldn't we?" ever stop?

We are still saying hurtful things to each other. I can see he is really angry and keeps bringing up the other men. I'm thinking we aren't ready to get back together but I'm worried living separate lives for a prolonged time is going to push us more apart.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I don't really see anything that says you two are doing anything to fix your issues. Ending your separation by getting back together seems pretty pointless, as you'll just have the same problems, plus you've got the issues of having slept with other people. Continuing the separation as it is seems pointless to, as you're (again) not doing anything to fix the issues. Your relationship is not going to magically fix itself.

My thoughts... Both of you stop seeing other people and get some help. Individual and joint counselling. Failing that, call it a day and end things so you can both move on.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedlittleme (Apr 23, 2012)

PBear said:


> I don't really see anything that says you two are doing anything to fix your issues. Ending your separation by getting back together seems pretty pointless, as you'll just have the same problems, plus you've got the issues of having slept with other people. Continuing the separation as it is seems pointless to, as you're (again) not doing anything to fix the issues. Your relationship is not going to magically fix itself.
> 
> My thoughts... Both of you stop seeing other people and get some help. Individual and joint counselling. Failing that, call it a day and end things so you can both move on.
> 
> ...


I'm so glad you mentioned this because I can now see that we really aren't taking any steps to fix any problems. 

I think we were both hoping that we would just wake up one day and it would all be better. Stupid really.

I totally agree with you, Thank you.


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