# Fighting Over Sex



## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

This is going to be long.

I'm sick of fighting with my H over sex. Long story short, he's cheated on me off and on for the entire 14 years we've been together (he denies all but last affair with my best friend (June - Aug 2010), which I found out about in Sept. 2011). I asked him for a divorce in September, 2010 when I discovered he'd been responding to sex ads on Craigslist. He told me if I left, he would kill himself. I got stupid and had my own affair (sex maybe every 6-8 weeks). We have 2 very young children. I filed for divorce and moved out in September, 2011. We were both miserable in the marriage. We went to MC and reconciled over the last 6 months.

All the major marriage people/organizations, whatever, say that we should have sex.

My H wants sex - lots of it. I have absolutely no desire to have sex. None. Not with him, not by myself, not with anyone else. Zero. The more he pushes, the less I want it. I do, because it's expected. He wants me to perform certain acts "because I did with the OM". Sex is frequently physically painful and generally not pleasurable except to him. I don't feel an emotional bonding going on. Rather, it's just him wanting to "masturbate inside me" as he so eloquently put it a few days ago. I gather resentment because of the expectation and the anger he exhibits when I feel like it's an obligation. He gathers resentment because I'm not a good actress. Additionally, if I give an inch, he wants a mile. If we have sex on Friday night, he wants it again early Saturday morning. If I was to give in then, he'd want a nooner on Saturday. 

It all came to a head this weekend, when I didn't want to have sex again on Saturday morning. He gets angry about it and just stews all day. Then late Saturday night, he wants to argue about it. So we do.. until the wee hours of the morning - which I hate. He's demanding, domineering, and flat out an a-hole. We put a bandaid over it and go to sleep. Get maybe 4 hours of sleep. Had a busy day on Sunday. 

At 10:00 on Sunday night, just got kids to bed, I finished taking a take-home exam for class I have tonight, and he mentions that I can join him in the shower if I want (which isn't a request - last time he "requested" and I declined because I didn't want to take a shower, that was another all night argument about how I had "rejected" him). It was cold, I had already gotten ready for bed and really didn't want to get in the shower - but he's going out of town this morning and I knew that I would be expected to perform. So I do. I'm shivering in the corner waiting for him to finish soaping up in our tiny shower because he's under the water. He gets irritated, gets out and says "I asked you to join me because it was an excuse to spend some time with you naked.". He's already told me during our last 4 hour "talk" over joining him in the shower that he wants to shower so that I'll give him head (his requirement, not mine) and he wants me to shower so that he can go down on me as well. I really don't want to get into all that hoopla. I'm exhausted. I just want to have sex so he can get his fix before he leaves town.

Ends up, because I don't want him to go down on me, he can't perform - even when I give him head like he wants. Of course, this is all my fault. I don't show him passion. I don't want him. He wants to start another all night argument. I'm done with that and I refuse to participate in another 4 hour "discussion". So he gets mad, makes a few snide remarks, tells me that I need to figure out what's wrong with me while he's gone, and immediately reaches for his phone. In the past, when he didn't get laid (and even when he did), he would grab his phone and sext with his OW or cruise porn/craigslist looking for sex. HUGE TRIGGER for me. I lay there in silence until I can't take it anymore and I ask him to at least have the decency to go to another room if he's going to troll the internet. He slams down his phone and yells at me that he doesn't do that - and I said that he used to. He yells at me some more and accuses me of getting up early to e-mail other guys - which I don't choose to get up earlier than he does. I have to.

I've had enough. It's obvious he's itching for another all-nighter and I don't have the energy for it and it's likely going to end by me telling him I want a divorce because I just can't deal with the all-night arguments, no sleep, a full-time job, two kids, and college. I tell him to have a nice trip and I go to sleep in my boys room. He comes in, tells me to stop acting childish and orders me back to his bed. When treating me like a child (for the 2nd time in 2 days) doesn't work, he stalks off, slams stuff around in our bedroom, and generally makes it down how mad he is.

Since it's obvious that he's going to slam crap around half the night to make sure I can't sleep anyway, I go back to our bed after about 30 minutes. But I refuse to engage. He, once again, apologizes for treating me like a child. I say okay. He's still mad. He's still mad this morning. I'm still mad this morning. Does he think that ordering me around and treating me like an obstinate teenager is going to turn me on? He doesn't listen. He always comes back with a reason for his behavior and defends his actions to make me come out to be just overreacting. It's always my fault. Either that, or he condescendingly apologizes for screwing up and for "being a horrible man". But he doesn't change. So I know the apologies are not sincere.

I'm the wh0re who had an affair and he was the attention-starved man who had one. He's allowed to have triggers and I'm not. He's allowed to beat me over the head with the affair for months, tell me I'm lying, continue to dig for more information, treat me like I should just be ecstatic that he took me back after I was such a sl*t. Oh yeah... and he loves me sooo much.

So tell me... what should I do?


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well I have to ask if you have no desire for sex then why did you R?


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> well I have to ask if you have no desire for sex then why did you R?


I agree. I really doesn't sound like an R to me.


He seems clueless about how you feel or he doesn't care. It seems that you are still angry and untrusting (with reason) 

You guys still have significant issues and maybe you need to be apart at least until there is a real R


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Any medication related loss of sex drive?


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Sounds like alot of issues going on...I think you have to look at your low desire for sex as well sounds like alot of anger and resentment going on from both of you. It could be a vicious cycle kind of thing..where you are angry toward him so that causes your sex drive to be low and he is angry toward you so when you do not have sex he takes it out on you.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

We have 2 small children. They were struggling with it. He wore me down. I forgave him for having the affair. I don't hate him. I don't hate her. He wanted me back. There wasn't sufficient reason to not give it another go. 

As far as I know, there aren't any other women. We are trying to communicate better. Not bottle things up. But he wants rock star sex and if I'm not giving it to him, he's mad. He's hoping we will have "hysterical bonding"... and we did.. for one night before I moved out. But even then, in my head, I was trying to prove that I was a better lay than she was. Fact is, I'm probably not. Because I don't care about sex like she did. He is surrounded by women who constantly talk about how much they love sex. The OW was always on the prowl for guys. I just can't keep up with those other women.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Any medication related loss of sex drive?


I am on no medications. Had a tubal after our son almost 3 years ago.

Gone to the doc, I had my hormone levels checked and they are all fine - granted, this was a couple years ago. Docs said nothing medically draining my desire. Maybe I should do it again.

I just feel like it's more mental. The pain is troubling. But it's gone on for years and when I talked to my doctor about it, she ran tests and came up with no medical reason that sex should be painful.

I offered to not refuse him for 7 days, no matter how often he wanted it, but then wanted 7 days where he didn't ask for it at all... because 2-3 times a week just isn't enough for him.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well what's point of being married if you are merely being roommates and parents?

I won't excuse his decision to cheat but a sexless marriage is a just excuse for divorce.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I looked back at your very first post last August and you stated that you do not even care anymore and are just staying for the children. I think if you still feel that way..then perhaps a divorce is best. I think the reason you have no desire to have sex is all in that original post....

There are so many red flags in your posts that unless you do some heavy duty MC not sure if it will ever work.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Why did you decide to R? Sounds like you both have serious problems. Sounds like you are both bitter and holding on to the past. Sounds like he's demanding and selfish and you are disrespectful and unadmiring.

What brought you back together? You had separated, there was obviously something there that made you want to make it work. What was it? I don't see any of those reasons in your post.

From only the details you've provided, you should not be married to this man any more.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> well what's point of being married if you are merely being roommates and parents?
> 
> I won't excuse his decision to cheat but a sexless marriage is a just excuse for divorce.


It's not sexless. I consent to sex at least 2-3 times a week.


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

Should have said desireless, or passionless, or loveless. The fact that you "consent" to him two are three times a week is telling. Although your not neglecting him in the classic sense - I'm sure he doesn't feel particularily desired or loved.


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

BTW - it certainly sounds like he has as much to work on as you in this.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

COguy said:


> Why did you decide to R? Sounds like you both have serious problems. Sounds like you are both bitter and holding on to the past. Sounds like he's demanding and selfish and you are disrespectful and unadmiring.
> 
> What brought you back together? You had separated, there was obviously something there that made you want to make it work. What was it? I don't see any of those reasons in your post.
> 
> From only the details you've provided, you should not be married to this man any more.


He never wanted to divorce. I came back initially for the kids. I stayed because a lot of things seemed to have changed - for the better. I've made an effort to change a lot of my behaviors.

Our major issue at this moment is sex. He grows resentful because I have no desire. I grow resentful because he gets angry because I have no desire. He says he wants me to have passion, that he doesn't want me to fake passion. But really, that's what he wants. I've faked it in the past. I faked it for years. I just grew wearing of faking it for someone who was spreading the love around. And now I have no desire to fake it at all. 

I think that some passion and desire would return over time, with his proven faithfulness. If I didn't feel like I better have sex with him or he's going to get it from somewhere else. He claims it's a special magical bond between us. Not when he's gone and shared that special magical bond with God only knows how many other women. So, for me, he's reduced it to just sex.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

eagleclaw said:


> Should have said desireless, or passionless, or loveless. The fact that you "consent" to him two are three times a week is telling. Although your not neglecting him in the classic sense - I'm sure he doesn't feel particularily desired or loved.


That's what he says. I've initiated. The other night when I was tired and didn't want to, I initiated early the next morning.

He also complained that I rejected him by sitting at a seat at our dining room table that was across from him rather than next to him - as if it were an intentional slight.

And that I don't hold his hand in the car often enough - even though I'm the one who always has to reach for his hand.

He complained to his best friend that I don't kiss him passionately when I leave and arrive home from work - does anyone have a makeout session with their spouse at times like this? 

It's like whatever I do, it's not enough. And everything I do is a slight against him. Even down to the position I sleep in. Evidently, it is not enough to snuggle up next to him, with my back to him. It's a slight when I roll into the most comfortable position. He wants me to sleep turned towards him, with him being able to switch between looking at me or turning so that I can spoon him.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

No, these wouldn't be issues during normal times. During troubled times, every small issue gets magnified. He feels slighted because he does not have enough confidence in the relationship or if you are truly into it. And he can sense the resentment even though you put out for 2-3 times each week. Who wants that?

Let me ask you this. Is he reasonable to expect loving passionate sex from his partner ? Do you think just having sex is enough. Many posters on this site stop having sex with their wives because they lie on the bed like a dead fish without any passion. Just putting out isn't enough to many husbands


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Lovebug501 said:


> Our major issue at this moment is sex. He grows resentful because I have no desire. I grow resentful because he gets angry because I have no desire. He says he wants me to have passion, that he doesn't want me to fake passion. But really, that's what he wants. I've faked it in the past. I faked it for years. I just grew wearing of faking it for someone who was spreading the love around. And now I have no desire to fake it at all.
> 
> I think that some passion and desire would return over time, with his proven faithfulness. If I didn't feel like I better have sex with him or he's going to get it from somewhere else. He claims it's a special magical bond between us. Not when he's gone and shared that special magical bond with God only knows how many other women. So, for me, he's reduced it to just sex.



It is good to hear you stopped faking it. There is zero chance of building on a good sex life if it is founded on lies. Faking it is usually founded on the self-satisfying and ultimately embittering fiction that it is done for your partner's benefit when in reality it is just a way to avoid the discomfort of dealing with it.

But ultimately it really doesn't sound like there is genuine forgiveness here. You sound bitter and perhaps with good reason. Until that is resolved there is no reason to believe the sex problem is solvable or the marriage is salvageable. 

Have you told him " I'm not interested in sex and I feel pressured to have it. it is causing me to be resentful if it continues and it will no doubt cause other issues and or divorce"?

If he cares enough about you and the marriage, it should cause him to step back and think about how you guys can get on the same side to deal with it. If not then maybe he will leave but it doesn't' sound like that is necessarily bad for either of you.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Lovebug501 said:


> This is going to be long.
> 
> I'm sick of fighting with my H over sex. Long story short, he's cheated on me off and on for the entire 14 years we've been together (he denies all but last affair with my best friend (June - Aug 2010), which I found out about in Sept. 2011). I asked him for a divorce in September, 2010 when I discovered he'd been responding to sex ads on Craigslist. He told me if I left, he would kill himself. I got stupid and had my own affair (sex maybe every 6-8 weeks). We have 2 very young children. I filed for divorce and moved out in September, 2011. We were both miserable in the marriage. We went to MC and reconciled over the last 6 months.
> 
> ...


Sorry for focusing on this, the first paragraph in your post...but honestly, do you really believe that there's anything worth saving here? Perhaps best for all of you to end this for once and for all.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Just tell him that you're not emotionally attracted to him and have no desire for sex all the time. Stop forcing me to do it. 

It doesn't really matter if you hurt his feelings or not because frankly he does come across like an a-hole and I suspect you're not really in love with the guy. I'm sure the children would do better than to live in a empty shell marriage. They pick up on these things very easily.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> No, these wouldn't be issues during normal times. During troubled times, every small issue gets magnified. He feels slighted because he does not have enough confidence in the relationship or if you are truly into it. And he can sense the resentment even though you put out for 2-3 times each week. Who wants that?
> 
> Let me ask you this. Is he reasonable to expect loving passionate sex from his partner ? Do you think just having sex is enough. Many posters on this site stop having sex with their wives because they lie on the bed like a dead fish without any passion. Just putting out isn't enough to many husbands


I'm not a dead fish. I'm just not ripping clothes off and pretending to be so hot for him that I can't take it anymore. I'm an active participant. Yes. It is reasonable to expect loving passionate sex from him partner... but I wasn't the one who insisted we stay together. He was. And he wants to continue to berate me for not being the wife that he wants. I never promised sex 5-7 days a week. I never promised crazy amounts of passion. We lived together for 7 years before getting married, and the passion had waned within the first 2... when he started with other women.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

Lionelhutz said:


> Have you told him " I'm not interested in sex and I feel pressured to have it. it is causing me to be resentful if it continues and it will no doubt cause other issues and or divorce"?
> 
> If he cares enough about you and the marriage, it should cause him to step back and think about how you guys can get on the same side to deal with it. If not then maybe he will leave but it doesn't' sound like that is necessarily bad for either of you.


Yes. I have. In almost those exact words. And he came back with.. but you were interested in having it with him! When, in all actuality, sex with him wasn't much different from sex with my H - and I put him off even more than I do my H. And our "relationship" was more on the talking, more of an EA, which led to sex because that's all he really wanted. So I had sex with him to keep him listening and talking to me. 

But if I have sex with my H, it doesn't lead to talking and listening to me. It leads to more sex and arguing about not having more sex.


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## Lovebug501 (Aug 30, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Sorry for focusing on this, the first paragraph in your post...but honestly, do you really believe that there's anything worth saving here? Perhaps best for all of you to end this for once and for all.


I understand what you are saying. And if many things hadn't changed in the course of that 6 months, I wouldn't have come back. As I read and type, I process it more.. and my main issue is that it seems like some changes are temporary... which leads me to believe that all of them are... which leads me to, how long will it be before another girl pops up in the picture, if there hasn't already.

He travels out of town every other week to the same city. It's 20 miles from another city that he traveled to for about a year. He could have a girl set up there that I wouldn't know about because he has a work phone that I have no access to - work required passcode on the phone, no access to records and the easy answer of - she's my point of contact.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Life is way too short to spend it with someone that you're not attracted to. Your H sounds like a spoiled petulant brat and you appear to be carrying a lot of resentment.

I spent almost 20-years in a marriage where my STBXW determined when we had sex -- and the kind of sex that we had. Every major argument that we ever had involved sex -- or lack thereof. We would go weeks without having sex and she would look at me and ask me 'what's wrong?' As if totally clueless about our lack of intimacy.

When she had her affairs and distanced herself from me, sex with her was cold and emotionless. Finally, one night after feeling her cringe to my touch, I told her that I had had enough. I was taking control of my sex life for the first time in twenty years. I would no longer put myself in a position of having to beg her for sex. I would just do without. She looked at me with puppy dog eyes and said, 'what about if I want to have sex?' And I told her that if I felt like it, we would -- but if I didn't feel like it we wouldn't.

That was almost 10 months ago and we never had sex again. Funny thing is that she never came to me for intimacy during the five months preceding dday.

Bottomline: The two of you need to separate and work on your respective issues, which may or may not lead to reconciliation.

Good luck to you.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Life is way too short to spend it with someone that you're not attracted to. Your H sounds like a spoiled petulant brat and you appear to be carrying a lot of resentment.
> 
> I spent almost 20-years in a marriage where my STBXW determined when we had sex -- and the kind of sex that we had. Every major argument that we ever had involved sex -- or lack thereof. We would go weeks without having sex and she would look at me and ask me 'what's wrong?' As if totally clueless about our lack of intimacy.
> 
> ...


Count,

I'll bet you felt like laughing when she asked you "what if she wanted to".


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Count,
> 
> I'll bet you felt like laughing when she asked you "what if she wanted to".


Conrad, I didn't laugh but that was the most empowered I felt about my sex life in our entire marriage. I think her question was just another attempt to gaslight me and keep me off balance while she went out and had her fun.

[_Deleted earlier post because sometimes I lose track of what I have already responded to._]


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Sounds like you have attempted to reconcile but it is not working.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Life is way too short to spend it with someone that you're not attracted to. Your H sounds like a spoiled petulant brat and you appear to be carrying a lot of resentment.
> 
> I spent almost 20-years in a marriage where my STBXW determined when we had sex -- and the kind of sex that we had. Every major argument that we ever had involved sex -- or lack thereof. We would go weeks without having sex and she would look at me and ask me 'what's wrong?' As if totally clueless about our lack of intimacy.
> 
> ...


You aren't divorcing?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Lovebug501 said:


> So tell me... what should I do?


Divorce him so both of you can move on to find relationships that are actually fulfilling.

If I was your H I would have divorced long ago


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Ditto....he shouldn't have wanted you to R, and you shouldn't have agreed to, based on the facts as I know them.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

You've long lost interest in your old man Lovebug; I suspect before he started chasing women. And being a woman, you know that once the interest is gone, it never comes back. Ya'll need to call it a day.


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## Subi (Apr 4, 2012)

God that man is such a spoilt brat. You have got so much resentment towards him. It reminds me of my husband demanding for sex. I often wondered whether i could serve it up on a plate and give it to him. Yo man talks of you being passionate blah blah. How about he tries to be romantic and surprise you for once. They like to receive these things but never give them. Sex is painful for you because not body or lady bits do not lubricate themselves. They only do that when theyget aroused with fore play and stuff that is fun. Sex is a chore that you have to perform. I feel so sorry for you. You got more years of suffering. The guy is such an arsehole. Cant tell you what to do though. Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

I foresee a lifetime of miserableness living with this guy. Why do you want this?


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

In reading the initial post, I can sense that both of you haven't taken the proper steps to R. 
You seem stuck in a tit-for-tat battle,
where neither one is willing to let their guard down.

This is a lose/lose battle for you.

I think what your husband is trying to express to you (in his own, short sighted way) 
is he wants you to want him on a passionate level, that's only expressed through his "style" of love making. This is unfair to you.

He wants you to be as excited as he is. He wants you to want him
(sexually) like he wants you. Unfortunately, this isn't healthy thinking on his part
and just tells me that there's a lot more work for you two down the road if true R is ever going to happen.

I feel your pain... but you shouldn't have to feel like you're giving up anything by making love with your husband.

Whatever the case, you guys need a lot more counseling until
you can both some to an agreement on what each of you
are comfortable with sexually. If you can't commit to trying to 
make it better... it won't work. It takes the two of you.

I think it's wrong for you to bag on him when it seems he's trying, 
yet I also think it's wrong for him to demand something
from you that you are obviously NOT comfortable doing.

The decisions are yours.

Good luck.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

This is the most disfunctional damn thing I have read in a while. If it is the way you say it is, get out. The kids will be better for it.


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

Paulination said:


> This is the most disfunctional damn thing I have read in a while. If it is the way you say it is, get out. The kids will be better for it.


Agreed.

Again, I don't endorse the H's methods or sexual expectations, considering their situation... 
but her post just oozes resentment and bitterness. Not healthy at all and certainly NOT a true R.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Well we know what he expects sexually but what do you want and need? What do you need? Do you feel that he shows you love and concern. Are you sexually satisfied? Does he make sure that you are having as much pleasure and passion as he expects? 

He demands a sex goddess but does his performance rate such a partner? if he is making demands on you then demand equal from him. If you are giving more than you get, I don't think your marriage is sustainable. Stop giving him more than he goves you? If you need the emotional support and a show of love and concern to meet your needs, ask him as persistently as he ask you.

I think you guys need a lot more help. You made some changes but not enough. He seems selfish, and entitled and a jerk. Sex needs to be mutually satisfying and passion is important on bothb your parts. His comment about maturbating into you - did he say that because he was angry? Do you feel that is what he is doing? If so why do you want to R with him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Simon Phoenix (Aug 9, 2010)

Egads; and I thought that I had issues. Perfect case of getting back together without properly reconciling. He wants a porn star in the sack while you're still resentful of his nefarious behavior in the past and, therefore, not willing to do that; stop me if I'm wrong. 

I agree with an earlier poster who said that once the passion wanes, its almost impossible to get it back. Can you see yourself being passionate with him again? If not, there is nothing left to discuss.

Life is wayyyy too short to stick around with someone you have little/no desire, passion, and sponteneity for. When things are this far gone, does it really matter about staying for the kids, so they can learn what unloving, passionless marriages are all about? Really?

Get out and get out soon...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

It certainly looks like you had a dysfunctional sexual relationship even before you married in addition to his sexual addiction. From your posts on other threads:



Lovebug501 said:


> *I introduced 3-somes into our lives when we were only dating*... 14 years later, he's obsessed with them, *had an affair with a woman, asked her to be my best friend so that he could try to get us both at the same time, and then I had an affair with a man who was supposed to be our "bed time buddy*".. and we were on the brink of divorce.
> 
> That's the abridged version. After our first spouse swapping session, I realized that I couldn't handle seeing him with another woman. I've never looked at him the same. Yes, I married him, I bore him 2 children, and I love him... but it has never been the same. We made a rule that *if he wanted to continue with the swinging... it had to be another guy only. No women. He agreed.*
> 
> Then comes the constant searches by him on the internet, joining adult swinging sites, and the cheating. I felt like a wh*re.





Lovebug501 said:


> In some cases, it's only pleasurable for him... and he wants a performance of how fantastic it is for you or it deteriorates to an argument and him being all whiny and pouty... and when you are already tired and not in the mood, its even more of a pain in the @ss to put on the performance. And *I know that there's something physically wrong with me that it's just not fireworks like everyone else feels, but doctors don't know what it is (I've had every test under the sun)*, and I get really tired of feeling broken and his determination that it's something he's not doing and he can "fix" me.





Lovebug501 said:


> A lot of times, *it is physically painful to have intercourse*, but I suck it up because if I complain, it still hurts but *it just takes longer for him to get off because he's trying to find a position that's "good for me*".


All these threesomes, spouse swapping, cheating on both sides...its a wonder you've stayed together this long. You need to divorce because you don't feel passion for him anymore and he obviously need to seek help for his sexual addiction.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

If you guys can't put your past behind you to start over, if you're going to be perpetually punishing each other for the affairs, then you might as well split up because this is no way for either of you to live.

You have to feel on track to be on track, not just maintain the image of it. Sex is related to intimacy, not just physical satisfaction, especially in the case of the two of you. You guys need to find better ways to move past the affairs and build new intimacy.

Just my opinion...


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

What a dysfunctional marriage. You should have never returned. The marriage has been over for years and someday, hopefully sooner rather than later, you'll recognize that. You are actually in a dangerous situation and you're putting your children in harms way. 

By the way, I'm a guy. I know most would have expected a woman to say that.


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