# Relocated for DH job - I'm MISERABLE!



## amymc01 (Oct 6, 2009)

I have been married for almost 18 years to a wonderful man. We left our home in NC 14 years ago and moved to SC. We had one child when we moved and had another child born in SC. We lived there for 14 years and I loved it! We had a nice home, I had a job I loved, and my daughter was in an incredible school. Son is in college in SC. DH was in automotive industry (need I say more??), so opportunity to relocate to S. Florida came up. He was super stressed and it was affecting our family, so we agreed to move.

Have been in S. Florida since June (he moved in February) and I HATE IT! I am a southern girl and this place is little NY! People are rude and unfriendly and the cost of living is twice what we had in SC, so finances are tight. The plus side - DH loves his job and daughter is doing well at her school - the school is great. But, I am miserable! I am not working and have gained 15 lbs since moving here b/c of my depression.

Should I talk to hubby? Should I suck it up? Daughter is in 8th grade, so don't know if it would be wise to suggest moving her at this point. I just miss my family and they are now 12 1/2 hours away, so we'll never see them. What do you guys think? I'm scared to mes sup my whole family b/c I am unhappy, but do I just bite my tongue and not say anything???


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I've moved around plenty. I would suggest trying to work on yourself. Get yourself a job or go back to school or take up an activity to meet others. I've been where you are....

You have to take action. It's not the location it's the frame of mind! You aren't being selfish but you are only seeing the negatives...time to move forward.


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## amymc01 (Oct 6, 2009)

I understand trying to work on myself. I can't really work right now b/c of my daughter's schedule. She is in a private school with no bus transportation. Not really interested in going back to school - the thought of it really isn't appealing at all.

I have joined a Bible Study and I volunteer at the school. I think the bigger issue is WHERE I am. South Florida is not a fun place to live (despite what everyone may think).


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

As long as you have that attitude, you will never like it. You can't change your location but you can change your outlook. Try volunteering, instead of feeling sorry for yourself use the energy to help others, putting positive energy out will bring in positive energy.


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

Find an outlet. It sounds as though the situation will not change for the moment, but find a way to continue to LIVE. Get outside, find a support group of some type, connect through church, school, volunteering, part-time job...anything really that will get you out of the house and meeting new people. South Florida is different, but there are people who you can connect with down there...just give it some time and effort.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Ive relocated twice for my H's job. I HATE where i currently live. its just miserable. its hot, humid, grubby people, bugs, and more taxes. i'm also from SC. 

My H also loves his job and im basically trying to get my foot in somewhere. i feel a little lost and of course the location doesnt make it much easier. 

but what are my options? i can complain about it until i get really miserable, or adjust and just accept that this is it for awhile. it took me about a year to adjust though. these things take time. i was so depressed for the first six months. 

Definitely talk to your hubby. but be aware that he might take it personally and feel guilty, so try not to make the impression that your misery is in anyway his fault. but you should go through this together. try not to make it the main conversation every day. but if its really getting you down one day you should definitely go to him for support. and you can even try to fake it til you make it.


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## missems777 (Jun 20, 2011)

I know exactly how you feel. I moved from NC to MD for my husbands job. I graduated college, got married and moved all in the same week. That was in 2007. My husband loves his job, his boss and his peers. (He got his job through a college career fair so he actually has friends he went to school with working with him). 

I on the other hand just keep getting knocked down repeatedly. I can't seem to get a job that I enjoy (been working in jobs that barely require a high school degree), people are rude to me and I feel lost. 

I had no problems in NC. I was well liked, had jobs that I enjoyed while in college and skinny ( I have gained 40 pounds since living here). 

I have kept trying to be positive, but its hard when for 4 years now I have taken blow after blow. I decided to go back to school for a masters and that took two years with several denial letters. Finally I have gotten into a program, but I am stressed by the outrages tuition fees.

Also, to top it all off, we bought our house right before the crash and now the house is worth 100,000 less of what we paid for, so we aren't moving any time soon!

Is it possible that there are places that a person just can't flourish in no matter the mind set?


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Been there done that except I was the one trying to make the best of it. He hated it and 1.5 years later he still hated it. We ended up moving back. 

I'll admit though now that it's over it did suck. It was cold, the people were unfriendly, nobody would hire me (I was an outsider and they assumed I'd move again), and the cost of living was very high compared to what I was used to. I'm glad we came back home.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

I feel your pain. The only thing that gets me through living in this tiny city is knowing I get to leave in two years. Spend a couple of months putting yourself out there. Do things you'd never do otherwise, even if it's uncomfortable. If you still feel depressed, talk to your H about relocating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I've moved three times for my career. With the first two, my wife loved it. In the last, we were living in a town that was voted within the top ten beautiful small towns. On our first house hunting trip here, I picked my wife up at the airport and made the mistake of taking the short route to our meeting with a realtor, instead of a more scenic route. She cried the entire way. Depression set in.

Initially, since we were from the east coast, we wanted a house/yard in familiar surroundings. It was hard where we currently live to find neighborhoods with trees. We settled on an older home. Also, it was connected to a bicycle trail that went everywhere in our little town. All of this was in a deliberate attempt to build connections.

Finally, I encouraged her to get plugged in to a volunteer organization, and she found one that my whole family participated in. More opened up. For her, the depression was only overcome when the momentum of her work and activities really built into a network of friends.

Of course, I still get the angry glares during every blizzard.

I would say that for us, a threshold has always been that the new position must be something that we both agree upon before considering a formal offer, plus it must provide substantial extra income. I would hope that you had adequate say-so, else this will be harder to overcome.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Halien said:


> Of course, I still get the angry glares during every blizzard.


Laughing at this one. While I love snow I don't like the cold. I glared whenever the thermometer went below 30 degrees. I'm a southern girl through and through so that cold weather was not for me. So glad to be back in the heat.


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## TheAbstract (Jun 19, 2011)

I'm in a similar situation. I got married and moved from OH into my wife's apartment in NYC all in the same weekend. That was a year and a half ago. Then, after a year, we moved to Hawaii for her job...or, I did. She kept making back and forth trips between Hawaii and NYC and I stayed in Hawaii for the entire time. Then we moved back to NYC after 6 months when her contract was up in Hawaii. 

I can tell you NYC has been a *disaster* for me. I tried and tried and tried to get out, meet people, do stuff, become involved in things, and it's never worked. There is so much that makes me unhappy here, I don't even know where to start. 

I can also tell you I flourished in Hawaii. I went there thinking the problem in NYC was with me, that I was a loser who couldn't make friends or be happy somewhere. I ended up making friends every time I turned around, felt connected to the community, and really felt like I was "home." It told me *I* wasn't a loser or anything, that I can flourish somewhere. 

Coming back to NYC, all the old problems have set back in. The loneliness, the despair, the feeling of isolation, etc. 

I'm really not sure if I can't do well here or if it's the fact that NYC has always been my wife's life and I haven't figured out how to make my own life here without her resenting me for not living hers. She really wasn't there in Hawaii much and when she was, we were living totally separate lives, so I was able to be myself. 

I know for me, the biggest challenge has been not being able to talk to my wife at all about my feelings. I've tried, but she either takes it personally or is really not interested in what I'm saying. If your husband won't talk to you about how you're feeling, or insists on you living life his way, or basically communicates that you're not important, then you're going to be miserable sacrificing something for him. Moving somewhere for your partner's career is a *huge* gift and the partner on the receiving end needs to understand the partner on the giving end will hit a few road bumps.


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## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

Ohhh, do I know how you feel!

When my husband graduated college, we moved just 2.5 hrs from where we grew up in Ohio. The move was rocky at first, I had a difficult time being away from family (who I could always see within just 5 minutes) and it was really difficult for me to find a job. In fact, I started one and left just 30 days in...only to go back 9 months later. We lived in that city for just about 6 yrs. Though my husband was never happy with the job, we settled in and found friends.

In 2006, my husband took a job on the opposite side of the country. We have been miserable ever since.

We have 3 kids. They were 16, 14 and 7 when we moved.

Our 16 yr old son cried everyday for months when he would get home from school because he missed his friends so much.

I have a full time job, but no friends. We have relationship troubles and twice now I have almost left him.

I went 3 yrs without seeing my mom.  We haven't seen his family either since 2008. (we have finally started going on short trips home, just me or he. We can't afford to fly the whole family)

I don't understand why it is so difficult for me. Other than I am all about family.


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## Antheia (Jul 5, 2010)

I have a couple of suggestions in case you have not tried them. Do tell your husband about wanting to get some friends and try to like this new place. But tell him in a way that lets him kind of help you find a way to be part of the new place. For instance, if he works at a large company they may have social things going on for workers and wives and you might like to meet some of the other wives. Or they may have company softball teams or something he could look for for you.
This way it is not like you are complaining to him and he can maybe help.
Try to find good things about the new place. If you keep going over in your head all the bad things and how much you dislike it then that is all you will see. Maybe even ask people what they like about living there. There is sure to be something.
Also try to find interesting things to do there. Maybe make it kind of a quest to find places to go things to see for you and the family.
I too moved for DH's job and I do not like where I am living. He likes it and I have to convince him when he retires to move back to where I want to live ....good luck


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