# Spending the entire Easter weekend with the OW gawd help me.



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

So I really need some incouraging words.. I am really nervous I mean I have seen the ex bff that made out with my hubby in the past two years we all stoped being friends but now its time to spend almost a week with them and our other family and friends. See every easter we always all go camping as one big group we didnt go the last couple years cause I was a coward and let her run the show why I was hiding. Well this year we are going and I am scared ****less... Not sure why. I am a really outgoing talkative life of the party type person and I was thinking about getting a book and sitting by our trailer the entire time lol.. I get really nervous in these situations. and on top of it I have to spend it with my mother-in-law who is always bashing me. I can handle her but when you have her and the ex bff and her clan OMG I am in for a ride.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey sunflower----stop being a doormat

Your H cheated---passionately kissing another woman is cheating---end of discussion----doesn't matter what he thinks---it is cheating

Since he cheated, and he cannot be trusted---he has to be accountable

One of your boundaries must be NC with the other woman---THEREFORE THERE IS NO EASTER WEEKEND WITH THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE---he lost the right to have his enjoyable weekend when he cheated

How to handle the situation---you just tell him---no weekend---when he blows up, or pouts, or sulks or whatever he will do---you stay away from him---no arguing--no discussing---no anything---it is a boundary and he will honor it

If he refuses---then simply say to him fine---if you do not comply with what I want, I will be in an atty's office manana---AND DIVORCE IS ON THE TABLE IMMEDIATELY

You have to hardline him---he may not like it---but if he cares anything about you---or his financial future (and it would be sad if that is his main reason for staying)--he will comply with your request

He wants to go camping on easter weekend---the 2 of you can go camping somewhere else---JUST THE 2 OF YOU

Do not be afraid to use hardline tactics---they really do work


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Stuff that. Why are you going?

or better yet why is she going and not bowing out?


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## disbelief (Oct 31, 2010)

No contact, don't go, he doesn't go you don't need that torture. Stand your ground there's lots of other things to do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gasunrise (Jan 13, 2011)

Another tactic. 

This is time with your joint friends and family, up until this point you have not been on that trip for your own reasons. Take control back. Don't allow the ex bff to continue to mess up your time with your family and friends, your life. The reality is that if you view it as a contest, you won, your husband is with you. That is power you can use and focus. 

If you WANT to go, let him know in no uncertain terms that he is to be at your side, nothing else will be tolerated. Set very firm ground rules with him. If the ex bff wants to speak to you, personally, I would ignore her and keep walking. If she pushes it, a simple "back off" works wonders. 

If it is him that wants to go and you don't .... then don't go. If he wants to go camping because its tradition then start a new tradition, go camping together in a different location. He can get glad in the same pants he got mad in, he caused the problem, not you.

Does the family know anything about what happened? 

Like so many things in life its all in how you look at it. Sometimes you have to tilt your head to the side and close one eye to get the best view.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Thank you for all your responses I really appreciate that! you have no idea how much it mean to me for you to take your time to write on my feelings. I think that each one of you have a very valid argument. I think that you are right that I should not go and spend time with just my family BUT... How long do we all let them take over our lifes really do we just hide from them forever or take back what used to make us happy just because my husband drunken kissed the hooker do I stand back and let her take over the rest of my life.. NO I go and if I spend time alone by the trailer reading a book listening to music or getting jelous a couple times on the trip so be it. I mean I really have to gain control of my life right. I guess its to damn short to sit and let her control my feelings and thoughts and if he reallly wanted to be with her what do I do nothing let it be and move on but with a BIG BUT... he doesnt or he coulda had it she tried a third time and denied it. so doesnt that mean something... I dont think that he would do that again to ruin his family.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

You do need to take control of your life, for sure!! If you choose to go, don't deny yourself fun, just think of this....you go, have a BLAST!!!!! Don't you DARE sit by your trailer and read, HAVE FUN!!!! Talk with your husband and family, stay by him, and have fun with him, dance, listen to music, have a bonfire, hold hands. Don't let her dictate how your vacation is gonna go, if you so chose to go.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

No contact between your husband and this woman is exactly that, no contact, physically, verbally or visually . Going to the occasion where she is , is enabling a restart of the trysts they got up to and for them will bring back exciting memories.

Do not go , your husband stays with you , there must never be any contact between the two again. If you let your husband go there with or without you tells him you have lowered your boundaries and are willing to place your marriage in jeopardy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

I agree with you Elizor, I certainly wouldn't go, I was just saying that IF she chose to go. I can see both sides to the argument here. I know for a fact I wouldn't go and insist my husband didn't go, if he chose to go against my wishes, that would say to me that our marriage isn't important enough to stay away from somewhere she'd be.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

LOL, I laughed when sunflower referred to OW as a hooker, I like Kissyface too, I refer to my husbands first EA by her first name, the second EA/turned PA ugly meatball, cuz that's how she's shaped LOL, and the third one, Pigfaced troll LOL. I refer to my EA/PA as [email protected] bumpkin.


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## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

i say go and make sure that whenever the ow is near, plant a bigh wet one on his lips.

and make sure the sex you have with him at night can be heard throughout the campground.

nothing like rubbing the b!tch's face in it.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I know it was actually like 3 years ago lol It was a drunken kiss that she started and he ended... She claims "I dont remember" BAHA Betch please! I know she does. But I see where you guys are coming from the ones that say to stay home and do our thing BUT if I do that I am donig what Sonny says locking my self in her chains and still letting her control me.. If I avoid her she knows still that its gotten to me. still after three years. And you are right people are losing homes and family and babies and jobs and I am stressing over a kiss. I really need to remind myself of that. Also I am NOT by any means perfect I have been stupid to., I really think that we all need to tell ourselves that we cant run from these people they should be running from US they should be the ones that feel really stupid not us. I think that we are and have been really burned. and are stuck in a rut in our lifes.... I dont think its about winning or losing with these people its about US..


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Sunflower, 
If I were you I wouldn't give her any power, I would be the bubbly outgoing person you are, don't giver her a second thought, be happy and loving towards your hubby, show the tramp that she in no way made any difference to your marriage........
make your husband feel loved, and make sure you always keep yourself in the game, no opportunity no worries.......
You have let this take some time away from your life and for what it simply isn't important anymore, if you are making your husband happy and he is making you happy, why give a rats a$$ about her or anything in her life.............
don't ever trust her but keep that to yourself, you can be a great actress for a few days........take the power back girl, you rock.......make her realize why she means nothing in the big picture...........if she tries anything be nice and friendly.......she will look like the fool not you


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## mommy2 (Oct 27, 2009)

You're right. DON"T LET HER OR WHAT HAPPENED CONTROL YOU! I agree with those that said, "Go and have fun!" Be your normal, outgoing self as you usually would. (and I'd go for the noisy sex! LOL)

I hear ya on being a bit apprehensive though. I understand your situation as my H's A was with a good friend of mine. (unfortunatley more than kissing.) Because we both stayed in our marriages, we didn't tell people. So since we have many mutual friends, we are bound to be at the same places. At first, we made sure only one of us went, etc. But now it's just not feasible. In fact, I now see her once a month. Not that thrilled about it, I tolerate it and since I want to still see my other friends, it's the way it is. My H and her have had zero contact. We did end up at the same event once last fall. It was a going away party at a restaurant for a friend and we stayed at one end and they another. I don't even think they made eye contact. We have another event/party next month that will be in a much smaller setting so the chance for eye contact and forced interaction may happen. Not sure - they know we are coming later so they may choose to leave early. 

Sorry to ramble! Again, be strong and have fun. You make the most of it. 

Although to be honest, I think I'd rather spend the week with the "hooker" as you refer to her versus my MIL any day of the week! :rofl:


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Lol you crack me up I love these last three comments these give me strength to do this balls to the wall and I really wish I could do the really noisy sex but we have the kids lmao It will traumatize em hahaha! I really think that we all have strength obviously we all stayed with a spouse that completly lost all they had in us... Why cant we facve some stupid biznatch that should be a walk in the park right! and mommy what do you do when those feelings come rising up and you want to just take it all out on your hubby lol do you just slam down a shot lol.. Not sure how to handle that part! The thing that just drives me nuts to is anywhere we go and she is there she acts like her **** doesnt stink and she is amazing and perfect... thats when I get in the dumps I NEED that confidence. Like no betch you are not that girl I AM.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Well, if that's what you feel you need to do, then OWN IT GIRL!!!! Walk that sexy walk, and do it with PRIDE!!!! No one is perfect, but like I said, if that's the road you wanna go, than take it with a BRING IT attitude lol


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Your confidence will come from you LAYING DOWN THE LAW---and your H, doing what you need done---

You need to stay NC---also stop with caring about the other broad---what do you wanna get in a p*ssing contest with her----SHE IS NOTHING----

Your beef is not with her---YOU DID NOT TAKE VOWS WITH HER you took vows with your H----he is who needs to know what the boundaries are

If you go on this vacation this year---you are giving in---take your stand and do not go---and make sure your H--does not go----once again---for this year the 2 of you go somewhere else----if he doesn't like it---tell him too bad he doesn't het a choice----that is unless he wants to see a lawyer, and defend a divorce action

Come on lady STAND UP FOR YOURSELF


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Your situation is different than mine, but I believe one piece of advice I was given applies. I have (had) been trying to compete with the other man. I fell into the trap that it seems like you may be in. I thought I had to become better in order to be the better man in her eyes. As someone pointed out to me, competing with an affair partner is impossible. An affair is based on fantasy instead of reality. They write their own script where the Loyal Spouse is the villain. I am coming to realize that I am much better than him. She can't see that at this point due to the "fog". 

My point is that competition with the OW is not healthy. You need to grow your own self-confidence and not base your opinion of yourself on your husband's actions. This is a very big struggle for me, but I feel stronger already by making that realization.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Sunflower, 
First of all try not to choke on that stench you are going to have to deal with........in no way do you let her see any insecurity, that is the best revenge for her to see and believe that she was not worth the trouble of a second thought.......This is a place where you can regain your control of yourself. I watched the show House one day and he didn't want to deal with his mother in law at a supper event and he slipped a sleeping pill in her drink (it was funny) and a quiet night for him......Since you can't do that, I guess you are going to have to put your best foot forward, show a little cleavage, flirt a little and just be the best you..........my focus would be on my husband, make him forget every other woman in the room......


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## gasunrise (Jan 13, 2011)

Go buy some new panties, something outside your ordinary and don't wear them until you are there for the weekend. Don't let him see them before then either. Before you step out of the tent/camper/cabin make sure he sees them on you. That is the image that will be in his mind all day, not a drunken kiss but the new sexy undies on his wife. 

Use them to fortify your inner sex kitten and let her roar all weekend, heck let her roar forever but start with that weekend. 

Its not about competition its about taking back control. 

Chin up, shoulders back, show the rack and strut. Your **** smells like roses.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Sonny said:


> Poor Sunflower just doesn't get it, her mind is still bent on competition and payback. Enough said here.




ya know when I first was reading this I was a little taken back and offended. I was thinking WHAT no way and I in competition with this girl but you are effin right... I mean I was even going to the extreme of going shopping.. SHOPPING for a camp trip. of what to wear to make sure that I really look cute every day WHY... why the hell would I do that I should be able to wear whatever and just be happy and into my husband family and enjoying my weekend... ugh gawd why did this happen to me why.. I hate that I even have to deal with this maybe I should have never found out.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

You guys are right and I hate that you are right lol DAMN IT>>>> competition has been now into jelousy UGHHHH I am so freakin mad at myself right now.. you are so right. I turned the tables it went from her being jelous wantting my life to me now jelous of her cause she took what was mine.. (*@#&$*( that was a swear word btw lol


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

Oh sunflower, suicide is NEVER the answer sweetheart.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I dont think that suicide would ever happen I have two kids and nothing is ever worth that its just the thought that pops in your head when you are really down on yourself... And I dont think I am obsessed with her. I think that I am obsessing over if its a lie or truth of him having feelings for her.. its not the kiss if I knew absoulutly knew in my heart that it was a kiss and nothing more then blah done.. but when aI doubt that it was just a kiss or something more. then I am torn. I see a big differance in someone kissing and someone in aww and kissing. maybe cause I am a women I don't know. BUT to me when feelings are involved its a whole other game. And dont tell me that you NEVER in your life ever crossed the thought of what if.


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

the what if's when it comes to feelings? oh hell yeah, because in my case, there were feelings actual romantic feelings involved with my husband.


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## sexuallyfustrated (Mar 24, 2011)

gasunrise said:


> Another tactic.
> 
> This is time with your joint friends and family, up until this point you have not been on that trip for your own reasons. Take control back. Don't allow the ex bff to continue to mess up your time with your family and friends, your life. The reality is that if you view it as a contest, you won, your husband is with you. That is power you can use and focus.
> 
> ...


I agree!! My kids were invited to a party of a co-worker of my husbands that is very close with the woman he cheated with and I know her and her kids will be there. There are alot of things that we are invited to by his co-workers or him. It's simple I tell him no. I am not comfortable with it. i don't trust it and I can not stop him from going but if he does I see it as a sign of disrespect. I also tell him that there will be consequense to him choosing to attented what ever it is. I believe you me I stand firm behind it and my husband nows me enough to know that I don't make idle threats. I stand by what I promise.

Also you should not feel afraid. F&%$# her. Your self esteem is shaken at this point and while that is understandable if you allow this tho go on it will take longer to get the old you back. Its' about you and your needs at this point. There so very right he cheated and with your friend at that. You hold the power on how you will be treated by them all. Husband, the other woman and your mother in law. Own it and let him no (same as I always tell my husband) he sets the stage fro what happens in your relationship so act accordingly.
GOOD LUCK.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Thanks! we had a really good talk the other night and he said I am not going this isnt worth it nothing is worth our family and your happyness!!!!! I think that he gets it and I will thats right WILL GO! screw her. she is nothing NOTHING.. and its time for her to see it!


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

that a girl, take your power back, couldn't be more proud of you.
jessi


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Thanks Love!!!! I am kinda happy to! it will be scary but I will get it done!


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

I can empathize, sunflower.

Short background: my wife, the OM she was with one time, and I all work together. Wife now works from home, so the two of them having to deal with one another is minimal.

A few weeks ago, a co-worker organized a gathering for everyone at work. We'd planned to go. Then heard the OM was going. I have the willpower to be civil to him at work if necessary, but opted no to put myself in a situation to ruin an evening for everyone else. Naturally, though, as it turned out, he didn't go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

See... no way will I be able to handle a direct encounter with HIM. I'll end up breaking his face in a million pieces... I swear I would. I don't care who he's with.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

See, for me, at work, it's actually kind of funny. He'll go to great lengths to avoid me. One evening, there were two of us in my department. My partner was busy, and OM ha a question for us. He had a choice between asking me and going back to his customer empty-handed. He looked around, as I someone else might magically appear, then turned around, walked away and made something up.

That's not to say that the though of turning his face into a bloody mess hasn't crossed my mind. I just haven't acted on it.

Outside of work, however, would be a different matter. I have to at least be civil on the clock. Outside the office, not so much.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

HOLY ****!!! You work with him? Dude, you're a hell of a person, to not go up and CRACK him. I feel for all of you who have to go through this on a constant basis. Like I said, I wouldn't be able to handle that.


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Our MC says I have a lot of self-control for that reason, too. 

Fortunately, we're in two different (if related) groups at work. It's comforting to know that he hacks off most everyone else in the office, too. But, since it's no secret I dislike him (even if the reason is a secret), so that helps me keep myself in line a bit, too. I don't even point out his screw-ups. Since I'm friendly with management and he's not, don't want to seem as if I'm finding fault for it's own sake. No...they see enough of it as it is, so I'll just let him hang himself, and not give the appearance of someone with a vendetta.

Although it's REALLY tempting to at least key his car every night when I leave.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

WOW ya I give you credit for keeping your cool and working with him EVERY DAY...... UGH I would have slapped a ho by then! lol. But anyways ya I know it was just a kiss with them and I am over that just wasnt and maybe still not over the fact that she was a betch! thats why I think that I obsess do you still do that!


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

Oh, for sure. On the occasions that I see him, I feel all the resentment bubbling up inside me. All directed towards him, not my wife. She and I are working on us. There's nothing to "work on" with him. Even before everything went down, he bugged the crap out of me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

OH ok so you were never EVER friends with this man before you found out? thats good! see I feel bad cause I worked on us and not on me and her when she was also very close to me. Now I also have resentment. I think that you as well as me need to not have that towards these people though cause really do you think that they give a damn about us!


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