# Do I believe lying spouse or the other woman



## regretfullyhis (Aug 12, 2012)

My husband an I have been married 10 years tomorrow and he had went to a detox program to get off pain pills after years of fighting and me trying to fix him
I found a free place and took him (one year prior he had stayed in a hotel with his ex using opiates because he found out I allowed our adopted son to talk to my ex husband his biological dad)
And I forgave him then she said then he and her kissed and snuggled he denied. Back to now while in detox he began writing a girl 15 years younger who was also at detox 
While writing me letters saying he wanted to be the man I always dreamed of make out entire family better be the his and and father he use to be. 
One week after he is out and spending a great week end with him she gets out. He starts texting her. Tuesday the next day he left me at work a 4000 sq ft home I clean 
Ad I walked (with lupus and a messed up foot I have to actually have an MRI on tomorrow) to walk from one city to another. Texts. Her told her he missed her sexy size (she is 195 I am 130) her eyes he missed her blah blah then hides my phone so I can't check phone bill. Invites her I Galveston which if course e couldn't do he hasn't had a job in forever but lied to get said me and him 
Already filed for a divorce and he had lots of money. Even claimed the car he was in was his when it's actually mine. 
After I found a text from her she offered to meet me. Said the day he didn't get me from work they were together he kept silence phone. She says they went somewhere and had sex in my car. He says she is lying because she wants to break us up and wants him but after telling her the story I kinda doubt she would. Barely 21 (a month ago) three kids three baby daddies and also addicted to opiates. 
He says he did it because he thought I hated him and I wasn't as nice as he expected on phone. He wants me to stay with him. We have been together 12 years married ten 10-4-13
I just want him to admit they had sex but he denies. I never thought he would but we have been through same type situation before. 
But for some reason I don't want to be with anyone but him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Please read up about codependency. Your H is an addict and a cheater and is using you as a crutch.

Of course he lied about the sex so you know you can't trust HIM. 

Can you trust her fully? Probably not. But I bet the dirty details she is giving you are mostly true, even if there may be a revenge factor involved.


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Agree... You sound incredibly codependent to me. Look up CoDA meetings in your area... They have them all over.
Anyone that would want to stay with someone that has so little value of the relationship isn't worth your time.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

To your original question neither of them are reliable sources of truth. 

Is this the life you want?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whispersofme (Sep 18, 2013)

I'm not quite sure what to tell you - You want him to own up to cheating when the fact he left you at work and you had to walk home...think about that for a minute, he left you at work and took YOUR car to go visit a woman he met in a rehab unit and silenced his phone so you could not interrupt. That fact right there gives you more than enough evidence in my book to assume he is lying to you and is having an affair. He has shown you that his priority was not you, the person who supports him financially and emotionally. His priority was his sweet young thing that he can do drugs with and get his rocks off and not have to be responsible with. Do you really need him to say it to your face that he is having an affair? I can tell you now that Yes, he is having an affair. He will continue to disrespect you, use you and make you feel worse than crap if you allow him to. He doesn't want to lose his bread and butter while he is eating his cake...because his cake can't support him! Stop enabling him. Lawyer up and kick his butt to the curb. Stop talking to him and only engage if it has to do with your child. 

If the above doesn't help you think about this - What would you tell a child of yours that was in the same situation? Do you want your son to grow up and become the man you married? Those are some of the additional questions you need to ask yourself. 

Good luck, he is not going to change and he will continue to lie and cheat on you. Tough situation but you appear to be a stronge person who can take care of herself - you don't need to put up with him.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You have a history with him. Good and bad. Addict, cheat, etc, is really a difficult situation. I would say run. I have worked as a pastoral counselor in the 90's and seen worse and have seen the couple work things out. But my advice would be to run from this guy. The stats on these guys is that he is more likely to start using again. He cheated so easily. 

My yougest sister died when I was in Iraq. Her life was similar to yours. My sister dumped her druggie husband about a year before she died of cancer. She could no longer put up with his abuse (he started using steroids and he was huge before he started using) and all his lame excuses. He got everything in the D, alimony, the new truck, etc. Short version my sister had a bad attorney who fell in love with her husband.

But my sister died without this jerk in her life and her last year of life was fairly happy. Brings tears to my eyes to write this but my sister faced her last year very bravely.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You have self esteem problems. You are more than you think you are, you deserve more you think you do.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

He hooked up with her because
1. As another addict she validated him, shows him he did make bad choices getting on drugs

2. She obviously has no problem having care free sex, she will do anything no questions asked.

3. And she's obviously quite the catch, those guys who knocked her up and fathered those babies must have all thought they got really lucky to have nailed someone as good as her!

Seriously, get out. Your husband is making horrible life choices. They are his right to make for himself, but it's not ok to drag you dine with him.


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