# Boundaries, Husband, Younger Married Woman



## Nanani (Dec 25, 2011)

I have been married to DH for 25 years. For about 15 of these years our marriage has been sexless - his choice. ED, refusing treatment. Over the past year he has developed a close friendship with a 30 some year old married woman. They visit together a lot when I am at work (he's retired) and text frequently throughout the day. He claims she is like ' a daughter' to him, there is nothing going on. Yet he put a short letter she wrote to him saying how important his friendship is to her in a frame, he has little nicknames for her, etc. He has taken her on a several day camping trip to a blues festival (she had her own tent), and has offered to take her on a spring camping trip wish has been up until now, a guy thing. Yesterday, he compared me to her. I suspect an emotional affair. The boundaries here are uncomfortable to me. Thoughts?


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## Taze3 (Dec 25, 2011)

Ugh. Emotional affair, yes. I was a bit confused with the wording-- he framed a short letter to whom? To her? To you? He has little nicknames for her...uuugh. Even if he does view her as a daughter, he is waaay out of bounds (as is she) taking her out on camping trips without the respective spouses involved. And you waved goodbye as his car left? I would have been sitting at the door with...well, never mind. Their relationship is wrong in all sorts of ways. And what does her husband think of her camping with a man who could be her father? My husband would not tolerate that at ALL. You have so many years of marriage together. What direction would you like to see this go?


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Why do you stay in a sexless marriage for 15 years.


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## Nanani (Dec 25, 2011)

Good question. Because I married him? Because I enjoyed his company? Because I made a commitment? All of the above. But it is very painful to me; I would never have chosen this way to live had I known before I got married that this is how my life would pan out. There are things we don't plan for.

However, this is what makes his friendship(?) with this young woman hurtful. I have been faithful and stuck by him, in spite of missing sexual contact.

He seems blind to what he is doing in many ways. It is hard for me to tell if he is really blind to how hurtful this is by adding yet another strain on our marriage, or if he is just making excuses to me.


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

He is not blind. He believes this to be a very innocent relationship, hence framing the note. 

You have issue with his relationship, and regardless whether or not anything is happing between them, you are entitled to your opinion and your boundaries. So set them. You have to have a frank discussion with him, about the pain this relationship with younger woman is having on you, and ultimately your marriage.




Nanani said:


> Because I married him? Because I enjoyed his company? Because I made a commitment? All of the above. But it is very painful to me


You married him, enjoy his company and are commited....... And this is worth pain and suffering? Silly woman. You are to blame for the misery you live with, and there is an exit sign... You just need to be willing to throw away your commitment to misery and walk out the door.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you know this young lady? Have you spoken to her?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Emotional affair and with all the outings and time spent together, very likely it's already gone physical.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

What does her husband have to say about this??

And yeah, 15 years no sex?!?! Why are you still with him?


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