# need advice



## ange (Jul 10, 2009)

I guess I dont know where to start, please dont respond with rude comments I am really just seeking advice. 

5 years ago I got pregnant my boyfriend of 1 year we decided we loved each other so lets get married. We were both in the military, he was due to get out soon... so shortly before we had our child he seperated from the military. He wanted to go to school full time, this was ok for me since I still had time left in my enlistment but I also wanted to finish school. So the plan was he goes for 4 years and then I will finish school when he is done. everything was ok for a while then we moved to another state. He started going to school at night while I worked during the day. This was hard for me since I wanted to be with our duaghter , this is where we started having problems. He became completely lazy, basically four years later he has failed many semesters of school (and tried to hide this from me) never helped out around the house and when we got short on money never tried to get a job, despite my begging. I have always worked full time, gone to school and taken care of my child and housework. I cannot understand why this was so hard for him. So 6 months ago I decided we should seperate, he does not want a divorce,despite our problems. when I made him move out he finally got a job....but in another state! (temporarily) He is living in florida with some friends, and no responsibility...while I am still here. He begs me to get back together but never tries that hard. as far as I know he has never cheated....and I believe this I dont know why.

So I guess the dilema is: I dont know what to do, I enjoy hanging out with him as a friend and I love to see my daughter happy with him, and she misses him so much. I feel guilty all the time for having him move out.. but I was so unhappy with him I was tired all the time and feeling used. We also havent been intimate in 2 years...becasue of me, and I cannot bring myself to do it either. I dont know if it is worth me trying to work things out ....but I love my daughter and I want her to be happy.... he says he loves us and wants to be a family again, he says he will not be like he was before.. but I dont know..need advice


----------



## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I would say if he is serious, he should find a job near you and move back near you and take things slowly. If his plan is to jump right back into the same home, you are taking a risk that he will fall right back into his previous habits and be in the same spot again...which wouldn't be good for you or your daughter.


----------



## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Gosh honey...sounds like you are really confused. I can't blame you. How much is he helping you out now that you are separated? Does he see his daughter a lot? 

I really don't know what to tell you except that only time will tell you if he is changed. But he should be willing to get a job near you and should be helping you if he is serious about working things out.

You might try counseling....just to get to the bottom of things. Is he willing to do that much to save his family?

I sure don't blame you for asking him to leave. He wasn't taking very good care of his family. He needs to know that he is responsible for you and his daughter if he wants to be a family. 

Good luck and keep talking.


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Wow, tough one. First and foremost, I believe a man needs to provide for his family. If you love something you will sacrifice yourself and your needs for it. It's called responsibility. It sounds like your husband is a bit immature, or perhaps even depressed if he has failed to perform well at school or land a meaningful job. Tell him clearly what your expectations are for him as a man and your husband, and then I agree with the previous responder, let him prove himself to you and your daugther and earn back your trust. If he shows no desire to do this...move on with your life.


----------

