# Know I should leave but SO SCARED!



## s'yllas (Jun 12, 2013)

I have been married for 6 1/2 years. I have a 3year old and an almost 2 year old. My husband and I have been fighting and butting head since before we were married. We were highschool sweethearts, seperated for 5 years and got back together. I think we both wanted the people we were as teenages (that young love feeling that we never felt with anyone else). After a few months it was gone but we got married anyway. We fight constantly, I cannot stand him most of the time and I know he feels the same way about me. We are TOTALLY NOT RIGHT FOR EACH OTHER!!! 

I never had the guts to end the relationship and neither has he, but I know we both do not want to be together. Outside of our desire to have a kids grow up in a home with both of their parents, we don't have any other reason to stay together. I want more kids, so does he. I want to move on before I get too old (I am almost 34) to meet, marry, and have more kids with someone else! 

I keep telling myself that eventually we will find that balance that we've never had, that acceptance of one another that we have never had. He lies all the time, about everything. Even things that don't matter at all. He's just a liar, to everyone, it's second nature to him. He used to have a gambling problem which led to us having to file bankruptcy and losing our home 4 years ago. He blames it on the economy, which I'm sure contributed, but without the 6 figures he lost over a few years, I'm sure we would have survived financially!

Basically I KNOW that we should not be together anymore, but I am too scared to leave. I feel like if I could just find someone else first so that I wouldn't be alone, I would be able to do it. I know that is the WRONG thing to do, but that's how I feel sometimes.

HELP HELP HELP!!!


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## talin (Apr 25, 2012)

s'yllas said:


> I feel like if I could just find someone else first so that I wouldn't be alone, I would be able to do it. I know that is the WRONG thing to do, but that's how I feel sometimes.
> 
> HELP HELP HELP!!!:rofl:


Lots of people don't leave a relationship until they've got the next one lined up. It's not "wrong" but that sort of strategy is not conducive to healthy long term relationships.

Much better and healthier to learn to stand on your own first, be happy with yourself and not rely on someone else to make you happy and whole.

That much being said, although I didn't have the next one lined up before I left my exwife, I wasn't single for very long, in fact I've never been single for more than a few months in the past 3 decades of my life.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

s'yllas said:


> Basically I KNOW that we should not be together anymore, but I am too scared to leave. I feel like if I could just find someone else first so that I wouldn't be alone, I would be able to do it. I know that is the WRONG thing to do, but that's how I feel sometimes.
> 
> HELP HELP HELP!!!:rofl:


Is this a "make fun of posts on TAM" post, hence the :rofl: image at the end?

If so, well done!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

talin said:


> Lots of people don't leave a relationship until they've got the next one lined up. *It's not "wrong"*



Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure :rofl:


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## talin (Apr 25, 2012)

I'm going to guess it was an incorrect smiley insertion?


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## talin (Apr 25, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure :rofl:


It has to do with the definition of "wrong".

If a relationship is broken beyond repair and one or both parties decide to seek solace elsewhere, it's probably not the most effective way to deal with the problem. It may involve deception (if it's a clandestine affair) or it might just be the two of them saying "We're done here but for now I'm just going to go find someone else and we'll take care of the splitting up details later on".

People lie, people are selfish, people watch out for themselves. Happens all the time in one fashion or another, but I don't see it as "wrong". It's just.. human nature.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

talin said:


> I'm going to guess it was an incorrect smiley insertion?


No. I meant it.  Because it is wrong to cheat on your partner.


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## Dreamz (Jun 10, 2013)

Hello, 

When I read your post I feel like I'm reading about myself and what I have gone thru for 13 years. 

Me and my girls dad have a 3 and 13 year old together and he was my first real love... the feeling I got from him I have never got from any other man.. however I can't stand him he is very controlling and abusive man... He has hurt me more than any other man in my life... We have broken up more times than I can remember. I'm almost 34 years old and I guess the reason I never left and never looked back is because I was scared and I wanted nothing more but for us to raise our kids together... just like you... 

He decided to leave on Sunday.. over an argument.. and I haven’t heard from him since.. I'm done... I'm changing my locks and I'm moving on with my life.. it's really hard for me but I know it's something I need to do... Our relationship isn't good for our Girls.... to see their mother get called out her name and beat up.. wasn't and isn't cool... 

I too always felt like if I meet someone else I can move on... I tired that huni.. and it’s not going to work... You need to find yourself... learn to love you... it's hard... however when you have been with someone for so long... that being alone feeling will get to you but you have to fight that feeling do more things with your kids.. etc... 

Good luck... don't continue to waste time.. and you know it's not working.. that's what I'm fighting with right now..


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## s'yllas (Jun 12, 2013)

All... This is my first time posting... And that emoticon was supposed to be crying! Oops.
Not making fun, seriously upset here.


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## s'yllas (Jun 12, 2013)

talin said:


> I'm going to guess it was an incorrect smiley insertion?



That's correct. Thought it looked like someone rolling around crying actually! Oops.


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## s'yllas (Jun 12, 2013)

DREAMZ, you are totally right. I am wasting time, I have been wasting time for so long now! I need to just do it, sigh!

It's just such a terrible feeling.

I'm glad you are in the process of moving on! Sometimes I wish that my husband would just leave or cheat on me so I wouldn't have to make the decision for myself. Although I'm sure that would be just as painful.


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## Dreamz (Jun 10, 2013)

S'yllas, 

You know what I use to ask for the same thing wanting him to just leave or cheat... and now that I have it... It hurts.. I'm going to be so honest with you.. even though I know we are not right for each other it just still hurts like hell it's like he is all I know... he is my girls dad... I feel like I can't have life without him in it... but I'm going to try so hard.. My oldest is so happy and she begging me not to call or text her daddy.. she ask me why do I like her daddy to hit on me... I was speechless.. It hurts so bad for me to hear her talk like that 

My 3 year old has been affected by us fighting and arguing. We cannot even talk around her.. she would start crying and shaking.. asking him to leave... and stop arguing with her mommy.. and asking him daddy why are you mad... etc... 

Please before it starts to affect your kids.. do what you have to do.. Just pray and ask God to give you the strength to move forward...


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