# Bitter



## hellosp (Jul 14, 2013)

Do you believe the word 'bitter' is an accurate description of the BS? Do you think BS's have a "right" to be bitter? 

Of the forums I belong to (this and L.S), I see it used in an almost insulting or dismissive manner... ex: "Don't listen to those bitter BS's, they're..." or "You're just bitter that..." and so forth. I usually see it being used by APs, although I have seen a few BS describe themselves as such.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I can't imagine why a BS wouldn't be bitter after being betrayed and lied to by the person that committed to them. 

Love is a action. Cheating is not a loving action. Hell, yeah, BS should feel bitter about being cheated by someone they built a life with.

Others who say, "oh, the BS is just bitter" want to downplay the terrible emotional damage inflicted by the cheater, and discount what the BS is saying about it.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

The BS has every right to be "bitter". 

Deeply hurt, betrayed, humiliated, crushed are other feelings that come to mind, also.

However, "bitter" is not a healthy place for BS to remain, so in that case I can see a negative connotation. Healing is getting over the "bitterness", whether it is with the WS (recovery) or not (divorce).


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Sure BS have a right to be bitter. Just like cheaters have a right to cheat. If there's no law prohibiting it, then you have a right to do it, generally speaking. Of course others might be harmed in the process but if it fits your own morals and ethics, and you're willing to face any possible consequences then yes you can do whatever you want.

When people say "don't listen to those bitter BS's" they might be refering to the fact that sometimes advice given is more of an attack on the cheater rather than useful, supportive advice. It seems that many of these BS's identify with these new posters when they read their stories and they want to get revenge and retribution on a perfect stranger only because they haven't yet come to terms with their own betrayal and unresolved anger towards their own wayward partners.

Obviously advice offered from such posters must be considered carefully. Doesn't necessarily mean the advice is bad, some of these people have gained much knowledge, wisdom and experience from their situations, others just want to go nuclear because it makes them feel better, although it's not usually the best course of action.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

hellosp said:


> I see it used in an almost insulting or dismissive manner... ex: "Don't listen to those bitter BS's, they're..." or "You're just bitter that..." and so forth. I usually see it being used by APs, although I have seen a few BS describe themselves as such.


You may see it used in that context more on L.S. than here.I think some bitterness is to be expected from the betrayed.The degree might depend on the prior state of the marriage,the depth of the betrayal and the distance from dday.jmho


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Man, I see the word "bitter" and it seems so mild. I'm not "bitter" about her affairs, I'm engraged, pissed off and resentful as hell. Bitter is what I am when she nags me about something minor like being a bit late. It's entirely beyond that point when she screws up our lives like that.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Of course they have a right to be bitter.

And if I'm bitter, you better be worried.

Pretty soon bitter changes to enraged, then that changes to vengeful.

At that point AP's, YOUR emotional state is about to turn into very sorry.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I believe it depends on the situation that is presented as the BS is not always bitter towards or about everything. Yes bitterness is part of the BS's bag of emotions and reactions, but is not a true characterization of their person and traits. It is not as fair and accurate to say that the BS is always characterized as "bitter" like it is to characterize the cheater as a "liar".


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## jen53 (Apr 26, 2013)

I am afraid I have become bitter - I thought I had found my soulmate - I found he lied to me all along, and isn't who I thought he was, that our love isn't what I thought - who do I trust now? I feel bitter,stupid, for ever believing in true love- it has tainted everything, even my memories, all the things I found out he was doing while supposedly we were having and bringing up our kids and sharing our life  I cannot unknow what I now know, and my faith just up and went along with trust


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## love=pain (Nov 26, 2012)

Bitter seems so relaxed, think nuclear devastation ever seen one of those videos of what happens after a atomic bomb goes off now condense all that and stuff it inside a human being and you are getting close.
But really why do I have any of those feelings oh wait I know-the person who I pledged to be with forever couldn't hold up their end of the deal forcing me to feel humiliated, to question everything in my life that should be my strength, lower my self esteem into negative numbers, take one of the things in a marriage(sex) that should be a constant source of reaffirming your love and one of the greatest pleasures in life and turn it into a roller coaster of emotions and visions that make it hard to preform at times.

Have I scratched the surface not even close but really it's a mystery why anyone would have any negative feelings after being cheated on. Shaking my head


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I am not a bitter person as a result, but I have bitterness over various aspects.

I am bitter that I lost the love of my life.

I am bitter about what her betrayals did to our daughter.

I am bitter about the fact she lied to a close friend and that it ruined our friendship.

I am bitter about blind trust betrayed.

But as a person in whole, I am happier and healthier without her than with her.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I see bitter used by cheaters and supporters of cheating as a poor and ignorant way to dismiss and undermine the well thought out logic and arguments from people who are against cheaters.

I really don't see folks here as bitter for the most part. I do see them as educated on cutting through the games, lies, double talk, and garbage spewed out by self entitled cheaters.


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## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

I am bitter but will not stay that way. I wish all kinds of bad karma on the OW.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

There's a point at which bitterness or other negative emotions will get in the way of progress towards reconciliation. Everyone has the right to feel what they feel, but everyone is also responsible for owning how they feel and deciding what to do about it, if anything.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

for me "bitter" indicates that a person is affected negatively in how they view an entire range of ideas and institutions. e.g. adultry results in bitterness in feelings toward marriage itself, the opposite sex etc. what the BS feels toward the WS is better characterized as anger, outrage, contempt, resentment etc.
i.e only affects the way they feel about the WS, not other things.
BTW if the BS does not feel any of these things toward the WS they have low self-esteem issues in the extreme.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lenzi said:


> Sure BS have a right to be bitter. Just like cheaters have a right to cheat. If there's no law prohibiting it, then you have a right to do it, generally speaking. Of course others might be harmed in the process but if it fits your own morals and ethics, and you're willing to face any possible consequences then yes you can do whatever you want.
> 
> When people say "don't listen to those bitter BS's" they might be refering to the fact that sometimes advice given is more of an attack on the cheater rather than useful, supportive advice. It seems that many of these BS's identify with these new posters when they read their stories and they want to get revenge and retribution on a perfect stranger only because they haven't yet come to terms with their own betrayal and unresolved anger towards their own wayward partners.
> 
> Obviously advice offered from such posters must be considered carefully. Doesn't necessarily mean the advice is bad, some of these people have gained much knowledge, wisdom and experience from their situations, others just want to go nuclear because it makes them feel better, although it's not usually the best course of action.


:iagree:


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

The advice here, and anywhere else on the Internet, should all be taken with a grain of salt. 

Other information sources I can think of that are often quite biased:

Reviews of products, restaurants, service providers - what kind of customer is most likely the type to take time to post a review? Hint: it's not the guy that received good service. They are either pissed off about something, a business competitor, or the odd one that received such outstanding service that they felt the need to blog about it.

I also use automotive / boat / motorcycle forums quite a bit as a resource. The advice you tend to get on those forums is usually of the totally over the top "spend $10k and replace everything just to be sure" type. This is because the keyboard jockeys aren't spending their own money, and like to show off what they think they know. 

I'm a BS and have been called bitter on this forum a few times. Doesn't bother me. There is some truth to it, although it doesn't rule my life. It just tends to come out on this forum because of the topics. 

What others see as bitter or pessimistic, I chalk up to being pragmatic and honest with myself, and never trusting anyone 100% (which comes from my overall understanding human nature, not just from my experiences with infidelity).


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