# My Husbands lack of relationship with his daughter



## drgnfly21 (Feb 28, 2014)

My husband has a daughter from a prior relationship. He has allowed his ex to have full control over when he is allowed to see their daughter. I've actually only met his daughter once! Recently I encouraged him to go to court so he can have a set visitation with her without the mother interfering. He went to court a few weeks ago and was given every other weekend and whenever else they can agree upon. So his weekend rolls around and he has her for a few hours before mom comes and picks her up. The mom says she isn't comfortable with my husband having their daughter since he doesn't know her very well....yet she is not allowing them the chance to build a relationship. So today would have been his next scheduled weekend with her and mom says she still isn't comfortable and is willing to bring their daughter to our home when I'm not here. My husband is basically doing whatever she wants and going along with it and its really putting a strain on our relationship. Plus more background info.....hes a great step father to my daughter and they get along great. Plus I'm now pregnant. I just want whats best for my husband and his daughter, and theres no reason why they cant have a great relationship. Need some advice??


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

1.) I applaud your desire to reconnect your husband with his daughter.

2.) The mother, his ex, doesn't get to decide sh!t. There's a full court order now, yes? The Judge has made that decision for her. He needs to read it. Learn it. Memorize it. Follow it to the T and NEVER miss or give up time. He needs to get a notarized/certified copy to carry with him until his ex gets right.

3.) I suggest he uses a VAR at all exchanges. 

4.) Get out of it. No offense but you husband needs to do these things.

I also recommend documentation. Court admissible documentation of any interference or Parental Alienation. She's late to an exchange? Go get a pop nearby. Save that receipt. Make a few cell calls. Save the phone log showing the call. Local PD for a report of no-show. Send an email, R3 and regular post, professional letter stating, "I was at the exchange location at <x location, at x time>. You failed to show. I require make-up time." Nothing more needed. Lather, rinse, repeat. Get a few of those. File a motion for contempt with the court. Seek exchanges made at the local PD along with fees, make-up time and possible add a week or two in the summer. Ask beyond your wants to get what you are comfortable with but don't be silly and piss of the Judge.

If he uses a smart phone, I'm a fan of using Google Voice and pushing callers to that. I can screen and record my calls easily so when my ex gets stupid, I get audio.


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## drgnfly21 (Feb 28, 2014)

He definitely has the court order, but honestly my husband is being the push over. I've told him she cant interfere now that there is the court order. But again, he is allowing her to run the show. I'm at the point where I'm going to stay out of it. I just see his daughters situation is very similar to mine when I was growing up. My father wasn't in my life after I turned 3 or 4. I know the negative consequences a girl can grow up with without out that important father daughter relationship. So I almost feel as though I'm ignoring or condoning the situation by saying nothing. I just don't want to see that little girl grow up without a father because the mother isn't allowing it and my husband isn't putting in the effort. Plus I want my daughter and our soon to be child to have a relationship with her.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My advice... State your piece to your husband, then stay out of it. Your husband is the only one who can change the situation. He's got all the tools he needs to do so. So tell him that you highly recommend he pursue a relationship with his daughter, and you'll support him fully if he choses to do so, but he has to man the F up and make it happen. Then let it go and support him if/when he tries to make it happen. Otherwise, your relationship with him will just suffer. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Good job Malpheous. Usually step parents should try to stay around but here drgnfly is absolutely right and her husband may need a little push.


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## jay125 (May 15, 2013)

You are a great wife and stepmom. Keep pushing your husband. I'm in a similar situation but my wife wants nothing to do with my 13 year old daughter that lives with her mom and this is causing big issues in our marriage.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do you have a relationship with his wife? What about YOU calling her and asking for more time for him and his daughter?

How old is his daughter?


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