# Last anniversary



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Believe I have just celebrated my last anniversary. No card, no gift, no acknowledgement of the day in any fashion from my wife. Same drill on Valentine's. Matter-of-fact, I don't believe she did anything for me on Christmas or my birthday. If these days are not significant to her, it seems rather stupid for me to go to any effort to celebrate them. 
As the man in the relationship, I do expect I am to make the greatest effort to celebrate these days, but I don't believe it's over-the-top to expect some level of participation from the other half of the alleged relationship.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't even expect half effort. Something beyond a pulse would be nice.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I've been there done that. It sucks, you don't feel loved or appreciated.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

My friend calls it the wife's anniversary. It isn't about the husband.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Ah, not enough "attention and compliments", eh?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

My anniversary two years back was a low point in my marriage. I posted about it and it still pains me to look back at it.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Forest said:


> Ah, not enough "attention and compliments", eh?


Nope, not enough basic human civility. Not even "thanks" for her gifts, dinner, flowers, etc, or the slightest indication that she valued me, the marriage, or the day in any way, shape, or form. If a stranger gives me a friendly greeting, I at least acknowledge it. I don't need attention and I wouldn't believe compliments.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

It came down to just an acknowledgement of the day was all I expected/hoped for. A worse feeling than an anniversary snub was when he acted like I didn't exist on my birthday. That hurt worse for some reason. Especially since I at least verbalized "happy birthday" to him on his even though things were terrible between us. 

Anyways, I don't know your story, but for what it's worth I still think that was noble of you to offer those sentiments and gifts to her even without much thanks from her. That really sucks OP and I'm sorry.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> Nope, not enough basic human civility. Not even "thanks" for her gifts, dinner, flowers, etc, or the slightest indication that she valued me, the marriage, or the day in any way, shape, or form. If a stranger gives me a friendly greeting, I at least acknowledge it. I don't need attention and I wouldn't believe compliments.


I'm sorry to hear that, unbe.


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## SolidSnake (Dec 6, 2011)

SadSamIAm said:


> My friend calls it the wife's anniversary. It isn't about the husband.


I get my husband a gift and we go out to dinner or on trip. You are right to be upset. Your wife is ungrateful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

More often than not when I read posts in this forum I am amazed at how the simplest acts that go unnoticed hurt most deeply.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

So have you asked why she has stopped being part of the celebration? Btw how old and how many years together ?


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

After a while it can be hard to keep caring about someone that seems to care so little for you or about your special day.


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## Tom Tybee (Sep 5, 2013)

My DW always makes my birthdays and other occasions special.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Together 11 years, married 5. She's 47, I'm 52.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Sorry to hear unbelievable....when did you notice her attitude towards you change...also is her attitude similar towards others or just you?
what other changes have you noticed in her as well?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's Bipolar, so I saw all sorts of strange behavior before we married and she could love or hate anyone, sometimes in the same hour. Back then, her sweetness was more frequent than the hostility. Three or four years ago, she just kinda went to a dark, bad place and stayed there. I know it's not a choice for her but it's not Disneyland to live with.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> She's Bipolar, so I saw all sorts of strange behavior before we married and she could love or hate anyone, sometimes in the same hour.


Unbelievable, as I said two years ago in my *4/24/12 post* in your old thread, many of the behaviors you describe sound much closer to BPD than bipolar. I bring this to your attention again for three reasons. One is that, if your W's issues are largely attributable to BPD, medication will not make a dent in them. Whereas bipolar often can be treated very successfully by swallowing a pill, BPD cannot. A second reason is that, if your W does suffer from bipolar-1, the results of a recent large-scale study show that she has a 35% chance of also having full-blown BPD. See *Table 3: J Clin Psychiatry. Apr 2008*. 

A third reason for mentioning this is that, if your W actually does have BPD, it is unlikely her therapist would tell her, much less tell you. Therapists generally are loath to tell a BPDer the name of her disorder (for her own protection). Because BPD almost always is accompanied by one or two co-occurring "clinical disorders" (e.g., depression or bipolar), therapists generally will report only those clinical disorders in the diagnosis. 

This is why, two years ago, I suggested you obtain a second opinion from your own psychologist. If you see a therapist who has never treated or seen your W, that therapist will be ethically bound to protect only YOUR best interests, not hers. Hence, seeing your own psychologist -- for a visit or two -- likely is your best chance of obtaining candid advice whenever BPD is a strong possibility.

I therefore suggest you read about BPD red flags to see if most of them sound very familiar. An easy place to start is my list of red flags in *18 BPD Warning Signs*. If most of those signs ring a bell, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them in *Maybe's Thread*. If you find that description of interest, I would be glad to discuss it with you. Take care, Unbelievable.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> I don't even expect half effort. Something beyond a pulse would be nice.



I'll see your pulse and raise you a couple of blips on an EKG 

I saved a few $100 gift cards from work plus the $200 gift card for switching to U-verse and just bought me an awesome Specialized bicycle today as a belated birthday gift to myself.

No gift or card as well going back quite a while. Not that I was expecting any. She got about the same except for Mothers Day...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> She's Bipolar, so I saw all sorts of strange behavior before we married and she could love or hate anyone, sometimes in the same hour. Back then, her sweetness was more frequent than the hostility. Three or four years ago, she just kinda went to a dark, bad place and stayed there. I know it's not a choice for her but it's not Disneyland to live with.



Find my thread I started last December. Late onset BPD. Not fun. PM if you can't find the thread


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