# Wife has said divorce/separation - is there a chance?



## zeezack (Sep 8, 2013)

My Chinese wife of 3 years, has recently (August 13th) said she is not happy and wants to divorce/separate.

- There have been house issues since July 2012 - after my wife bought a house without me, without waiting for me to become acceptable to take on a mortgage (freelance web developer)
- she has lived in this house full time since August 2012, whilst I continued to live mostly in the rented studio (we had both signed a tenancy agreement from May 2012 for a year).
- she has started to become resentful of my family. In particular she feels my mother does not like her.
- she went to my mother and father anniversary meal with me in late March. Where she started to look glum and withdrawn in conversation and mood. My felt this behavior was inappropriate.
- In May my wife gossiped to my Aunty that my mother didn't like her. She was cold and withdrawn to talking to my mother when she attended the event. She did not even want to hug my mother goodbye when she left. My sister defended my mother via an email in June.
- Also in May I was granted access to getting a mortgage, I asked my wife if she would consider selling her house to get a proper joint mortgage, she refused. Although she did consider getting a joint mortgage with me. But she took on a new job in May her probation period this time stopped her from doing so.
- In July my wife became withdrawn and very disconnected.
- When she announced she wanted a divorce she didn't want to talk about anything. She left to China 2 weeks later. Still in China now (3 weeks in).

I know she is reading my emails, sometimes more than once, but there has been no communication since. I feel she is acting very passive aggressive and in a sense has developed a serious anger management issue after withholding anger.

I am very anxious about what she intends to do in October. If she wanted to wait until she got back from China after discussing things with her parents.


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## zeezack (Sep 8, 2013)

My wife bought the house in the hope that we would start a family soon. She last spoke about having children in May. In my last communication with her in regards to having children she replied "Will talk about it properly when I'm back"

- some more information on the background
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...-chinese-wife-has-said-she-wants-divorce.html


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well.. she got a house for having children. But she forgot that she needed a father for those children? That's what it sounds like to me.

She's punishing you now because you did not so what she wanted you to do.. even if you could not get the house earlier... you are being punished for it.

Life is too short.


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## zeezack (Sep 8, 2013)

When I was last at the house on July 1st. She was ok. She seemed more preoccupied with the idea of "talking" to my parents about the issues. But I tried to distinguish this idea as my parents are going through a hard time with my grandfather (he had an amputation in mid-July).

I wish now she had that conversation at least. I asked her then and there if she wanted a divorce - she said no. My wife is indecisive on the smallest of things. I feel she is showing signs of ultra passive aggressive behavior.

You are right - she was really angry with me when I last saw her (Aug 26th) saying that I make her angry, that I am stubborn etc... My clothes were still in the cupboards, clean and folded, until I initially refused to leave to talk about the problems more. Then she flipped and a few minutes later after she calmed down, then I left with my clothes.


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## Zomb (Aug 12, 2013)

I think you don’t have to worry that much... From what you are saying, it seems that your wife is just mad because you didn’t do what she wanted.. So try not piss her off while she come back from China but dont beg or plead during the process... Just be Cool, Calm and collected... Good Lock


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

zeezack said:


> When I was last at the house on July 1st. She was ok. She seemed more preoccupied with the idea of "talking" to my parents about the issues. But I tried to distinguish this idea as my parents are going through a hard time with my grandfather (he had an amputation in mid-July).
> 
> I wish now she had that conversation at least. I asked her then and there if she wanted a divorce - she said no. My wife is indecisive on the smallest of things. I feel she is showing signs of ultra passive aggressive behavior.
> 
> You are right - she was really angry with me when I last saw her (Aug 26th) saying that I make her angry, that I am stubborn etc... My clothes were still in the cupboards, clean and folded, until I initially refused to leave to talk about the problems more. Then she flipped and a few minutes later after she calmed down, then I left with my clothes.


You have been trying to get her to communicate and she's playing hard to get. If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will keep getting the same results.

I think it's time for you to start treating her according to the 180... see the link in my signature block below. this is be a complete change in your behavior. The purpose is to protect yourself from further hurt. You will probably get her attention as well.

If you write her, keep it short. Do not mention anything personal or emotional. for a couple of weeks just send her short emails that say something like "How's your day. It's beautiful here." That's it. If she does not reply then stop emailing her all together. Let her be the one to contact you in the future.


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## zeezack (Sep 8, 2013)

I got my first reply back. 

Subject: Thanks for the parcels
Contents: 

Hello x, 

I have received two parcels from you. Thanks for sending them. My mum wrote a letter to you and your family. I will translate it and email it to you all. 

y


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This should be interesting. How well do you know her mum?


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## zeezack (Sep 8, 2013)

I don't know her too well. She doesn't speak English. But I do recall back in May that she encouraged my wife to try and make the marriage work. So we will see etc...


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