# Divorce over Facebook



## Lilianrose (Oct 6, 2011)

My husband and I have had arguments over Facebook ever since we married. I once had a Facebook account (encouraged by him) at the very begining of our relationship until our very first issue errupted. A few days following our honeymoon, I decided to post our wedding pictures on my Facebook account. When I clicked on my husbands name, I saw a wall post that said that my husband had recently been to a night club with a girl. I went on and found the pics that proved it was so. Sadly to say, it was the night when we returned from our honeymoon and he told me that he was headed to work. When I first found out, he denied the photos but silly boy, I saw his wedding ring in the photo (2 pics of him with a beer dancing with a young girl, 18. My husband is 39). His excuse was that his "friends" called and asked him to go out and celebrate. He didn't want to tell me cause he said he thought I would be upset. I told him that I knew he had friends and wouldn't keep him from these relationships just because we were married. And a few days later, he blocked me from viewing his Facebook account that was the begining of the end. 
We have had many arguments stemming from facebook (Trust). Let me add that my husbands hobby is photography (he is very talented) and he says he gets some of his clients from Facebook. But in the past 4 months he has only had 3 clients from Facebook. I would accept using Facebook soley as an advertisement media (as well as having old friends and family members) but that is not the case for my husband. I have viewed comments from him to other women that are concerning. In one comment, he talked about going with a female photographer (a friend) to an Island near by us to "photograph a model". They were making plans but he never told me about this possible trip. At one time, he asked this photographer if she liked sushi and a movie. I asked him about this and he said it was because she was going with a female friend of theirs to the movies and this friend loves sushi (fyi:he removed his question to her on his wall post when i discovered it). He told another woman that he missed her but he said this was an "old friend" (so I said fine). And then I saw a message to another woman asking if she wanted him to visit her while she was away. He said she is a friend. In an old message just a month before our wedding, he had talked to this same girl about he and she going away to Florida together. He told me it was to take pics of her. I remember him planning for this trip but he never mentioned her coming along nor did he ask me to come along. He also has pics of him and other woman on his Facebook account but no pics of me. And it was only a month ago when he agreed to post that he was in a relationship on Facebook. Prior to that he made no mention of it until I asked him to. Most recently, I saw a post that said he went to a club party with a girl. I remember him not coming home till late the night of the party but again he never mentioned going to a party. Although he said he never went, I did notice that prior to the date of the party, he had made friends with this girl on Facebook who lives two towns away from us. He claims he had no knowledge of her. But it said they went to the party. 
He use to post his phone number on facebook (again, "for his photography business") and I had to ask him to delete his number. 
I would be fine with his Facebook account if he was making connections with just old friends and family members. But instead, its filled with women (176 "friends") that he does not know nor has had a past relationship with (so he says). 
With all this, I have become untrusting of him. He says I am just jealous but its not that. I think his behavior is disrespectful to our marriage and to me. He comes home every night, heads to the bathroom and then to our guest bedroom to jump on Facebook and is on there all night long (4 to 5 hours). He only comes out for dinner or to use the bathroom. When I enter the room and he is on Facebook, he closes out the window so I can't see what he is doing. He has his cell phone on him at all times (even when he sleeps its by his side). If I go to pick it up off the floor he will immediately remove it from my hands. His cell never leaves his possesion. Sometimes, he is in the bathroom for 30 to 40min (multiple times per night) and I know he is texting or on Facebook. Its hard to accept that he is being faithful to me with this type of behavior. 
For months I have asked him to close out his account but he refuses. He said it was because I didn't want him to have friends. Of course I do! But he has abused Facebook and his behavior has ruined our marriage. I sadly gave him the ultimatum of Facebook or me and ended up kicking him out because he refused to give up his account. That hurt.
He even says, I am wrong for asking him to close his account. 
So now, we are ending our marriage. I am so confused, I at times wonder if I am wrong. What are your thoughts?


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

Oh the dreaded Facebook. You are not wrong, he shouldn't be contacting other women and hiding it from you. My H has dropped that same bullish!t line on me - I didn't tell you because I didn't want to argue. It doesn't make it better because he is still lying. Have you talked this out with him letting him know how you feel? What does he say? Do both of you still want to be married? It's easier when kids are not involved so if he is decided to choose his FB friends over you then give him a dose of reality and kick him out!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Yup the dreaded Facebook.

Happened to me too.... husband hooking up with ex girlfriends, etc. 

Both of you should go to marriage counseling where he can learn what proper behaviour in a marriage is. He needs to hear give me full access to your FB account or we are over.

I hate Facebook.

Listen, he has CLEARLY chosen the other women over your marriage. He refuses to stop so ending the marriage is his choice.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Sweetie, go with your instincts. If FB was just for business, they why block your access? I've got several family members that are professional photographers and they don't behave this way. Now maybe the business situations are different, but..... You guys have major trust issues to resolve. If he's serious about your marriage, suggest couples counseling, and opening the FB access. If he declines, I think you have your answer. So sorry you are dealing with this.


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## Lilianrose (Oct 6, 2011)

A few more words:

Back in May, I had conveyed to my H that I was uncomfortable with his Facebook account and that I thought his behavior was a threat to our marriage. He said I was acting silly and was jealous. But I said I had great concerns over his behavior and would like for him to close his account (I was crying at the time). He said," I had this account before you. I will do what I want and am not changing for anyone. I am not closing my account". And he stormed off. Days later, I told him how much those words hurt and that I felt he was chosing these woman over me. He said, he was not going to give in "over principles" (I should trust him regardless). 
I asked him to see a marriage counselor with me. He refused to go. But I still went. Yup, alone. The counselor said,"where is he? you can not fix your marriage alone". He continues to refuse to go with me.
Thankfully we do not have children. 
I would consider asking him for his FB account access but it would not help. He speaks to these girls in Portuguese (I speak very little) because he says they don't speak/write English well (yet, they live in America. Hmmm?) so I can't make out or understand everything.
Lastly, he is very depressed due to many financial issues he is facing. Thus, we have not had sex (his decision) for months, nor does he sleep in the bed with me. This has gone on for the past 4 months now. He says because he is too stressed for being in the mindset for sex. But why not sleep in the same bed with me. Now, when he is done playing on Facebook all night, he falls asleep on the floor in the guest bedroom. He is too "stressed out", has no time for me but has the time to spend on Facebook. He refuses to see someone for his depression as well so this will not change anytime soon. This is why I said I wanted to divorce.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I think you've been very thorough in describing just what your H is up to on FB. He's hiding his other life from you. Now it is up to you to make a decision as to what you need to do to feel good about your life. He is not interested in contributing to your peace of mind or need for a sense of security in the marriage.

That being said, I would get tested for STD's (because it is quite possible he has indulged in a PA here and there), and then I would make an appointment with a good family law attorney.

Life is too short to spend it arguing over access to someone else's FB account. You've seen enough to know he's lying to you and hiding stuff. He also doesn't seem interested in sharing a life with you; hours on FB seem to be fulfillment enough. Ouch.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

He sounds like a jerk. You're doing the right thing getting a divorce. Find someone who will treat you with respect.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The very fact that he has blocked YOU, his own wife, from seeing his Facebook says it all.


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

He's up to no good. If you are able to get into his FB there are various online translators that are simple to use. Just copy, paste, select the languages, and hit translate. Naturally it won't be a perfect translation, but it will be clear enough to reveal the true nature of his relationships.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He's cheating on you. Can you install a keylogger on your computer or hide a VAR in the bathroom where he goes to talk. On the phone? Him not letting his phone out of sight is very telling...even grabbing it away from you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No sex for 4 months and he doesn't sleep in bed with you....does not sound promising!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2yearsince (Sep 20, 2011)

FB was my wifes downfall. Alot of good things but like everything comes some bad


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