# Sister's relationship causing Husband and I problems.



## gsm (Jun 27, 2008)

My husband and I (both in our mid twenties) have been dealing with a issue because of my sister(late teens). She moved in with us 2 months ago. Everything has been fine except she is dating some guy that cheats on her and tells her hurtful stuff when he wants her gone but acts nice and forgiving when he wants something. In other words my sister is madly in love with him and wants him to be 'husband' material. But the guy doesn't know what he wants in life and wants to have a friends with benefit gf. My sister is constantly being hurt and cheated on yet she keeps going back to him. She finally said she is done with him because he told her he doesn't love her anymore and really hurt her. They were bf and gf for almost a year.

That is great and I talked to my sister as well and she opened up to me and told me it will be hard for her to let him go but she is finally done. I've been trying to guide her along with my husband ( that went through something similar before me). My sister tells me one thing and does other things. For example I told her if she really wants to leave him to do so and stop all communications with him as its going to make the process harder or worse he will once again convince her to get what he wants and repeat the whole process again. 

I understand its hard for her right now and she says she still wants to talk to him etc. I can't stop her its her life but it hurts that i send her text etc and she completely ignores them because she is buy talking to her ex. Or if something eventful happens in her day she calls him before her family or us. 

The problem is that I explain it to my husband because I am hurt from my sisters actions and instead of supporting me and making me feel better he takes her side and says shes doing this because that's what shes used to and wont change in a day etc. I understand what he is saying and I understand hes been through this (he was the one that was hurt) and I haven't but still takes my sisters side and tells me if I don't want to feel this way etc, to pretty much give in to my sister and open up etc and do things that she wants. But how is this going to help her and I am not going to fake and do something I completely disagree on.

I just can't stand this anymore I have talked to my husband about it and told him how I wish he was more supportive and make me feel good when I am down but he keeps supporting her all the time and making me feel bad and doesn't tell me I'm doing bad because he knows I am trying to help but still tells me to change my ways to make my sister happy. But I understand being there and supportive etc but I'm not going to fully do something and fake it either when I don't agree with it and am being hurt.

I understand he thinks he is helping me, but in the end he just makes me feel more down and worse, which I have told him already.

Sorry for the long post, but any help would be appreciated as I don't want my sister to keep making our relationship go south.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

gsm said:


> The problem is that I explain it to my husband because I am hurt from my sisters actions and instead of supporting me and making me feel better he takes her side and says shes doing this because that's what shes used to and wont change in a day etc.


I guess I ask myself what does being "supportive" look like to you? I have no idea. I would bet your husband doesn't either. Could you express it to him?



> I understand what he is saying and I understand hes been through this (he was the one that was hurt) and I haven't but still takes my sisters side and tells me if I don't want to feel this way etc, to pretty much give in to my sister and open up etc and do things that she wants. But how is this going to help her and I am not going to fake and do something I completely disagree on.


Do you have a disagreement on how to proceed. Perhaps you can say thank you for your opinion on how to proceed. I disagree and am going to try it my way?



> I just can't stand this anymore I have talked to my husband about it and told him how I wish he was more supportive and make me feel good


What does that MEAN? How does someone "make" another person feel good? Men are simple creatures. What do you want him to DO? 

Good luck.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Your sister is a TEENAGER, of course she is going to do what she wants. When she moved in, she probably thought you were going to be "so cool", and instead, she feels that you are being a little too "mom and dad". Why did she move in in the 1st place? Was she not getting along with mom and dad? 
I'm saying, cut her a little slack, and unless the guy she is dating is abusive, I would cut him a little slack, too. The guy wouldn't know what he wants in life now, either-he's also young and dumb.

And I think that it may be a tad unrealistic to expect your H to agree with you. Yes, he should be supportive, but he probably sees things the way I would: your sis is young, and she has to make her own mistakes, and learn to mend the mess she makes.


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