# Guilty niceness and presents?



## Prudence222 (Jun 25, 2014)

My dumbass husband is having an EA and I have proof but am still working all the details out before I confront him. He has no idea I know . In the meantime I have been dropping subtle hints about infidelity in general and how wrong it is and how someone would have to be foolish to be unfaithful. This has been highly satisfying watching him act like he agrees.
He has since become Mr. Niceguy and bought me flowers and earing's and is helping around the house. WTF?!? Not sure what to make of this. Does he think he's calming any potential suspicions I may have and that he's continuing to play me or are there some guilty feelings in there somewhere? 
Thoughts?


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Hmmm.

So maybe he'll get wise and realize what you're up to. This might be good, and he'll end the EA.

On the other hand, waiting too long to confront (if you've already got proof) could allow the EA to move on to another level.

If you're monitoring his communication with OW, you might be able to tell which scenario is in play.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Honestly, I think this sounds passive aggressive. Just confront him as soon as possible. If there are no kids, I would strongly encourage you to divorce him.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Prudence222 said:


> My dumbass husband is having an EA and I have proof but am still working all the details out before I confront him. He has no idea I know . In the meantime I have been dropping subtle hints about infidelity in general and how wrong it is and how someone would have to be foolish to be unfaithful. This has been highly satisfying watching him act like he agrees.
> He has since become Mr. Niceguy and bought me flowers and earing's and is helping around the house. WTF?!? Not sure what to make of this. Does he think he's calming any potential suspicions I may have and that he's continuing to play me or are there some guilty feelings in there somewhere?
> Thoughts?


It could be his guilt, and/or he could be just trying to through you off his trail.

Like running your horse back and forth through a river so the posse can't follow your trail.

I wouldn't wait too long on the confrontations. EA's can turn to PS'a over night, literally.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I too got some *guilt gifts* in the midst of her affair. At the time, I thought it was just her being loving, but it bugged the hell out of me why she was being so nice. I would add though, that this was in between her out of character behavior (starting fights with me for no reason, etc). 

And I agree with others, that the other reason is to throw you off the scent.


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## Working1 (Sep 28, 2013)

jld said:


> Honestly, I think this sounds passive aggressive. Just confront him as soon as possible. If there are no kids, I would strongly encourage you to divorce him.


whats wrong with her taking her time? I think its great for her to find her footing before she moves forward.


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## Working1 (Sep 28, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> I too got some *guilt gifts* in the midst of her affair. At the time, I thought it was just her being loving, but it bugged the hell out of me why she was being so nice. I would add though, that this was in between her out of character behavior (starting fights with me for no reason, etc).
> 
> And I agree with others, that the other reason is to throw you off the scent.


I totally got the same, the gifts and then the starting of fights for no reason. The fights are soooo obvious!


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## Working1 (Sep 28, 2013)

Prudence222 said:


> My dumbass husband is having an EA and I have proof but am still working all the details out before I confront him. He has no idea I know . In the meantime I have been dropping subtle hints about infidelity in general and how wrong it is and how someone would have to be foolish to be unfaithful. This has been highly satisfying watching him act like he agrees.
> He has since become Mr. Niceguy and bought me flowers and earing's and is helping around the house. WTF?!? Not sure what to make of this. Does he think he's calming any potential suspicions I may have and that he's continuing to play me or are there some guilty feelings in there somewhere?
> Thoughts?


He just wants to keep things the way they are, he is loving what he is getting right now, so he wants you happy and he wants to keep his EA going.


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## nickgtg (Jan 11, 2013)

Get all the gifts you want then dump him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Well, it might be just because he loves you, even though he is having an EA or even a PA.

Can people do this kind of thing? Love their spouse at the same time as they are having an affair? Yes, it's possible. 

Though you should close down his visits to the Unicorn farm ice cream parlour ASAP, in my opinion.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

He's doing so to balance himself out. He's upping his attention to you at the same time he's paying more attention to his OW.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> Well, it might be just because he loves you, even though he is having an EA or even a PA.
> 
> Can people do this kind of thing? Love their spouse at the same time as they are having an affair?
> 
> ...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

murphy5 said:


> MattMatt said:
> 
> 
> > Well, it might be just because he loves you, even though he is having an EA or even a PA.
> ...


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

Working1 said:


> I totally got the same, the gifts and then the starting of fights for no reason. The fights are soooo obvious!


I was confused about my wife's fights, though she was bi-polar, but now it seems so obvious. I just didn't see it at the time.


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## Prudence222 (Jun 25, 2014)

MattMatt, were you in love with the OW? Did you and your wife reconcile? If I'm getting gifts, etc. do you think that is a sign he doesn't love me anymore?


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## youkiddingme (Jul 30, 2012)

Prudence, sorry you are dealing with this. And I think you are doing the right thing. Take your time. Get yourself together. And keep gathering information. Once you confront him it will become much harder to gather any more information. Are you sure it is only a emotional affair???? Don't expose anything until you are sure you know the whole story.


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