# hi ladies, i need help



## unhappy wife (Aug 30, 2009)

im new here, so i hope im in the right place.
my problem is porn and my husband. i know most guys will have a look now and then, but it makes me sick to think that my husband watches so much. a months ago me and the girls had a night out, and i had my camera, but when i was using his computer a few days later(chaning the screen saver) i saw some pictures of my best friends, when i asked him about it, he said that the lads in work wanted to see them, so he copied them to his phone for them. i was very upset and cried the whole night because the pics he took were the ones were one of the girls were bending over and her skirt went up. these ar my best friends.
the next thing was he golf bag. that was left in the hall and and his shirt needed to be washed, so went to get it and there was about 12 dvds in the bag.i just closed it up and said nothing, but today i was using his computer and went to favourite and then to history, beacuse i was looking for a site i was on yesterday, but i was so shocked to see the ammount of porn sites that he visits, then i could stop myself i even looked back as far as last week. 
i feel like im drifting away from him, and i dont even want sex any more, because from what i see in the porn dvd boxes and sites, im not what he wants really. 
where do i go from here? 
sorry this post is long xx


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

this is an addiction problem and there is a section for that...
on this site below on the main board.
You will find, your not alone.

12 porn dvd's in the bag? wow...
he really has an addiction and not just looking but seriously into it.

My husband doesn't have those problems but I did date someone a long time ago with porn and casual sex addictions that were unknown to me at the time.
When it started to come out, I dropped him faster than a hot potato. We are both happier... I've met him since and he is still single and getting into lots of casual sex with many different people
( so he says) and lives with his mother now...
and I was free to find someone better which I did.

He also told me he has herpes now, guess thats what happens.
Don't know if there is any easy way to help people like that change... guess my feelings are they are what they are. In the situation with my old bf, his wife he had before me left him too and it seems not many other women want someone like this. Because of the internet, I'm sure he is addicted to online porn now, as it can't be easy for a perv 40 something year old guy to keep having casual sex with people he hardly knows .... having a STD... and having a serious relationship, so for him porn may be his only "date options"


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## unhappy wife (Aug 30, 2009)

i just feel like i cant tell him how i feel because of the way i found it, if i mentioned about the golf bag its looks like i was spying on him, when i truly wasnt, and the feeds on the computer would be the same. he is a good husband in every other way but this. i feel like im pushing him away because of the porn, he does nt know i know about any of the other stuff, i really cant bring it up, but its really upsetting me every time i see him leave the room with his computer, i know what he is going to do.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

unhappy wife said:


> i just feel like i cant tell him how i feel because of the way i found it, if i mentioned about the golf bag its looks like i was spying on him, when i truly wasnt, and the feeds on the computer would be the same. he is a good husband in every other way but this. i feel like im pushing him away because of the porn, he does nt know i know about any of the other stuff, i really cant bring it up, but its really upsetting me every time i see him leave the room with his computer, i know what he is going to do.



I know its upsetting........... 
you will either have to confront it and him 
or find ways to deal with it.

The best way is to confront him, although... you may not be ready to right now.


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## unhappy wife (Aug 30, 2009)

i think that all i need is one opening and i can let it all out, but he has no idea that i know, i dont want to make things worse either but i dont want to let them the way they are either!
i dont want to be one of those wives who lock the computers and try very way possible to stop there husbands looking at porn, cuz if they want to they will find away. 

i just want my husband to have more respect for women and more respect for me,
even on one of the sites i found he has been looking up the big brother girl housemates cuz some had done topless stuff, its till on tv at the moment and now that i know he was looking at them i dont what to watch it. am i upsetting myself for nothing? thanks preso for taken the time to answer me


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well the upskirt thing is illegal and he can face jail time and end up on a sex offender regristry depending on your local laws. So clearly that needs to stop immediately, just absolutely no excuses for that sort of stupidity.

Porn is a double edged sword. It's really not bad for you any more than a cheeseburger is bad for you, once in a while it's great for you, but you just can't shovel it down forever without having problems from it. Cheeseburgers and your heart stops working right. Porn and your **** stops working right.

Most heavy porn users just get desentized to normal sexual stimulation. A real live naked woman in front of them just starts looking like "bad porn" because she's lacking studio lighting, professional hair and makeup and isn't instantly screaming in fake pleasure with every thrust. You don't see the enema prep before the anal scenes either. Basically the porn starts needing to get more and more hardcore to get a reaction from the user.

When a man gets heavily desentized by porn, the woman typically struggles to get sexual interest from him despite making attempts to do so (lingere, hinting, begging, dancing about, rubbing on him etc) when she is in her fertile part of her cycle, and eventually just gets a sense of sexual repulsion to him. This is because in biological terms the role of the human male to always be available for sex when the human female wants it. If the male fails to follow through when her need is there often enough, the female will discount him as a full male and will eventually seek other males who can get the job done.

Husbands that don't sex up their wives when their wives are naturally horny, become ex-husbands.

I'm bathering on here I guess...

Start talking to him about it and how it makes you feel. He should seek some help with his addiction.


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## unhappy wife (Aug 30, 2009)

thanks for your help, im not an expert on porn but i dont think its hard core yet. mostly just pictures and some clips, i want to fix it before it gets that far.
im sorry the photo bit might have seemed worse then it was,you could nt see any thing but legs in it, it was nt dirty or anything, but thats not the point he should nt have taken it anyway.


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## goodbyegirl (Sep 2, 2009)

Atholk said:


> Well the upskirt thing is illegal and he can face jail time and end up on a sex offender regristry depending on your local laws. So clearly that needs to stop immediately, just absolutely no excuses for that sort of stupidity.
> 
> Porn is a double edged sword. It's really not bad for you any more than a cheeseburger is bad for you, once in a while it's great for you, but you just can't shovel it down forever without having problems from it. Cheeseburgers and your heart stops working right. Porn and your **** stops working right.
> 
> ...


This is the greatest thing I've ever read. I've never heard it explained in such a straightforward manner. Kudos.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

12 porn DVDs makes you an addict? Really now...and the upskirt picture that was taken among friends is illegal even when the lady knew? Interesting...

I honestly don't think 12 DVDs makes an addiction...1200 maybe but 12, no. 

Embrace the porn...watch it with him, use it as a warm up for some fun...it doesn't sound like it's that big of an issue as it is a blow to your self esteem...and you are in control of that. 

Preacher


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

JDPreacher said:


> 12 porn DVDs makes you an addict? Really now...and the upskirt picture that was taken among friends is illegal even when the lady knew? Interesting...
> 
> I honestly don't think 12 DVDs makes an addiction...1200 maybe but 12, no.
> 
> ...


Who says she knew? 

Of course, it's as simple as her 'embracing the porn'. Get over your self esteem issue, and get into the action that is repulsing and hurting you! 
 Give me a break.


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