# How do women feel about being turned down for sex?



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

Okay. This will probably strike a nerve with those who are having issues with the frequency of sex in their marriage. I will just have to deal with the backlash on that. 

I have a genuine question for the women. 

Has you husband turned sex down with any kind of regularity?

I have found my self over the past couple of years doing it more and more. 

I don't think it's a sex drive or a LT issue. 

My wife and I have sex at least 4-5 times a week. But there are days that i am absolutely dead tired and can't muster the energy. 

I get up at 4:30am, at work by 5:15-5:30 and don't get home until 5:00pm everyday. Don't go to sleep until 10:00-10:30. 

Some days my wife really wants some, but i am exhausted. More often than not, i will find the energy, but sometimes i am just too tired. I don't want to put a half-assed effort in it. 

She always seems understanding, but i worry about what she's really thinking. 

Some of my friends think i'm nuts for ever turning sex down. Am i alone in this? Should i be ready to go at any moment? 

Our sex life is amazing and never boring. There are times when she's tired and i understand. But i can sense a difference in her mood when i tell her i'm tired. 

It's not that i don't have the desire. It's just that sometimes on those days when i am too tired, the thought of sex is just exhausting. 

Is this kind of a normal thing or should i have my T level tested? I am 31 yrs old, it's hard to believe that i would have a problem with T at this age.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

My SO is 31 and he has turned me down in the past around 1-2 times a week. It usually happened on Mondays and Thursdays.
It sounds petty but in order to make myself feel better about it I started making a note of the days in my calendar to see if I could establish a pattern.

Don't judge yourself based on the experience of others though.If you are satisfied with your sex life and your wife is satisfied,that's really all that should matter.
If I had to make a guess I would say rejection bothers women so much because we often aren't used to being told no when it comes to sex.


----------



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> My SO is 31 and he has turned me down in the past around 1-2 times a week. It usually happened on Mondays and Thursdays.
> It sounds petty but in order to make myself feel better about it I started making a note of the days in my calendar to see if I could establish a pattern.
> 
> Don't judge yourself based on the experience of others though.If you are satisfied with your sex life and your wife is satisfied,that's really all that should matter.
> If I had to make a guess I would say rejection bothers women so much because we often aren't used to being told no when it comes to sex.


Thanks. I just don't want her to think that i don't find her attractive or that i'm getting it somewhere else. 

She is very self-concious and i don't want to compound that.

There are many times that i go for it even though i'm tired as does she at times. I guess this is good as we both put in effort. 

As a man i guess i feel pressured to be the streotypical "guy" that will drop everything for sex at any given moment.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Thanks. I just don't want her to think that i don't find her attractive or that i'm getting it somewhere else.
> 
> She is very self-concious and i don't want to compound that.
> 
> ...


I don't know if this helps but when SO turns me down he always amps up the sweetness and loving affection to try to balance out any negative feelings I may have from being turned down.It hasn't been an issue for a while as we have gotten back to our normal routine.But when it was happening,that extra affection and verbal affirmation really helped make me feel better.

Have you asked her directly how she feels about it when you turn her down?


----------



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I don't know if this helps but when SO turns me down he always amps up the sweetness and loving affection to try to balance out any negative feelings I may have from being turned down.It hasn't been an issue for a while as we have gotten back to our normal routine.But when it was happening,that extra affection and verbal affirmation really helped make me feel better.
> 
> Have you asked her directly how she feels about it when you turn her down?


Yeah i have asked her. She said she understands but i think she takes it kind of personally. 

I can understand that she would take it that way, but i do reassure her that it's just because i'm tired and i am still very affectionate.


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Yeah i have asked her. She said she understands but i think she takes it kind of personally.
> 
> I can understand that she would take it that way, but i do reassure her that it's just because i'm tired and i am still very affectionate.


There's really not much more you can do then.She won't truly stop taking it personal until she works on her insecurity and self esteem.You can give her affirmations all day long but it'll never sink in until she lets it.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Honesty is the best policy. If my husband says he's tiered I'm ok with it. If he were to just say no, I don't want to without explanation then I would take it personally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

I would simply be glad that you have to turn her down sometimes. This is a good problem to have. I've turned my wife down maybe once or twice in 17 years. She has turned me down more times than I can count.:sleeping:


----------



## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I feel bad for guys when it comes to turning down sex.I feel they're more likely to be criticized by their peers for doing so and it seems harder for them to find people who understand.


----------



## relationshipsguide_gal (Apr 6, 2013)

Hi, i think most women rarely feel that urge to have sex unlike men, so when you're turning her down, it just feels like you're wasting it? i dunno..  Good to know though that you're showering her with your affection.. ~mae


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Okay. This will probably strike a nerve with those who are having issues with the frequency of sex in their marriage. I will just have to deal with the backlash on that.
> 
> I have a genuine question for the women.


 My genuine answer is... I am probably more sensitive HERE than any area in my life... I don't handle it well... but thankfully he hasn't put me through that. I was pushing too much for a time and caused him some performance pressure ... (He was 45 at the time....we worked through that)...and I knew to not take this personally...but I still would let it penetrate me a little.... 

I had to start a "sex calendar"... and mark off how often we were doing it -just so I had a reminder that I am being ridiculous to think he doesn't want me.



> Has you husband turned sex down with any kind of regularity?


 I can only think of 1 time...our oldest was out on icy roads and he was worried about him going home, I was coming on to him and he told me he wasn't in the mood...I was taken aback...and I was hurt......(like I said, I am very sensitive here... ) then when our son hit the door....we went at it. 



> My wife and I have sex at least 4-5 times a week. But there are days that i am absolutely dead tired and can't muster the energy.
> 
> I get up at 4:30am, at work by 5:15-5:30 and don't get home until 5:00pm everyday. Don't go to sleep until 10:00-10:30.


 You are only 31...wait till she reaches her PRIME in late 30's/ early 40's... ..you think it's bad now... you haven't seen nothing yet...

Your schedule is pretty hectic though...it sucks A LOT of your TIME....

For us...(Husband is 49 now)... even though we have lots of kids..he gets up at 6am, home at 3:15... often falls asleep around 10ish... but can stay up to 11:00 half the time.... What I did was this....when MY drive was considerably higher...I would LIVE around what was BEST for him...take advantage of every possible erection I could get out of him.....

Morning sex -was good for him, so I'd send him to bed early & set my alarm for 5am... so we had an hour... or sometimes if he is feeling tired at night, he'll tell me to give him a few hours..and this never failed, he never gave me attitude or me feeling like he didn't want to be there...so he was INTo it... getting his own. With a man, at least it's easy to tell ! And I did EVERYTHING in my power to make his life easier...less stressful at home....



> She always seems understanding, but i worry about what she's really thinking.


 I think you could be right about this... most women will PUT their feelings down, after all...she realizes YOU can't do it, or you are exhausted.......so what is she to do...browbeat you, that will only cause you to loose more desire...if she is feeling rejected though, I am SURE it hurts her... 




> Our sex life is amazing and never boring. There are times when she's tired and i understand. *But i can sense a difference in her mood when i tell her i'm tired*.


 It hurts to be rejected sexually....I'm going to tell you...it's difficult for women, we are supposed to be these "OBJECTS of desire" to our men, when we go out & about and hear other wives whining how their husbands can't get enough sex, won't leave them alone.... secretly knowing ours is lacking desire for us..we are wishing we were in their shoes...how dare those wives complain...they don't know how lucky they are...being chased around and wanted. Yeah..that can take a toll on our self esteem even. 

Though 4-5 times a week...that's pretty good.....she can't really complain too much...



> It's not that i don't have the desire. It's just that sometimes on those days when i am too tired, the thought of sex is just exhausting.
> 
> Is this kind of a normal thing or should i have my T level tested? I am 31 yrs old, it's hard to believe that i would have a problem with T at this age.


 For your age... I think you might be working too hard...too much on the plate... you are exerting your energies other places... 

Can she help you -to alleviate some of your stress ?


----------



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

SA, 
Thank you for your insight. I think she thinks more along the same lines you do. 

My wife does try to reduce the stress the best she can. 

Part of the problem is, she is in school full time, so the burden on the financial responsibility to provide for our family of four and make the mortgage and car payments and utiloties and so on an so on....the stress never ends. 

I'm hoping that by the time she hits her "prime" a lot of the stresses going on now will be reduced when she is working. 

Something that i have found that eases her anxiety sometimes....i will seem a little uninterested in sex through the evening...and right before we go to sleep....i take her passionately and surprise her. 

We message a lot throughout the day and she sends me all kinds of sexual texts...i respond back with the same, but i try not to go overboard as i don't want to lead her on and be too tired that evening. Maybe i need to excesize and take some vitamin supplements to help with my energy level


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Rand OmGuy said:


> SA,
> Thank you for your insight. I think she thinks more along the same lines you do.
> 
> My wife does try to reduce the stress the best she can.


 Smart woman !:smthumbup:



> Part of the problem is, she is in school full time, so the burden on the financial responsibility to provide for our family of four and make the mortgage and car payments and utiloties and so on an so on....the stress never ends.


 She sounds busy, must have high energy levels ... I bet she uses SEX as a stress reliever too...there is such a thing as a "Dependent Libido" ...in one of my books talking about the different Libido types...I consider myself one of those (these last few yrs anyway)



> I'm hoping that by the time she hits her "prime" a lot of the stresses going on now will be reduced when she is working.


 IF she will be working too, or maybe a kid or so thrown in there, you may be right!



> Something that i have found that eases her anxiety sometimes....i will seem a little uninterested in sex through the evening...and right before we go to sleep....*i take her passionately and surprise her*.


 I am sure she loves that! It's nights like that.....that will make all the difference to her (or so I would think) to remind her.... yeah...my husband still wants me, HE Takes me ...he JUMPS me...he still initiates -even though he is tired...

Once mine worked a double from 6am to 11pm and had to get up again at 6am...when he got home ....I was NOT going to bother him for it...(even though I wanted it)...and ya know ...he came on to me...I wasn't expecting that at all....told me he wanted me... It just meant the world ....I often think back on that night...it really UPPED my spirits ....those little things can "carry us" ...when there are some let downs...



> We message a lot throughout the day and she sends me all kinds of sexual texts...i respond back with the same, but i try not to go overboard as i don't want to lead her on and be too tired that evening. Maybe i need to excesize and take some *vitamin supplements* to help with my energy level


Vitamin supplements --YES !! I hand my husband a handful...we get ours from  Puritan's Pride ... (can read customer reviews on there too)

Here is what I give him - just as a sample:

Ultra Vita man (for men) High potency time release
DHEA 25 mg
B-12 100mcg
Zinc 25mg
C-500 with rose hips
Oderless Garlic
Fish oil 1000mg


----------



## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

I think it's only happened a few times but it was devastating. More often than not, it's been that I perceived it as being turned down as in, not even trying. If he said his back was hurting, he was tired, or some such thing, I would shut it all down thinking he didn't want to have sex.

Oh, all the sex we missed out because of this - heartbreaking!


----------



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

I think there is a bit of a double standard at times. If the woman isn't in the mood, as men we have to accept that and hope for the next day. But if men say we aren't in the mood, it turns into a bigger issue and affects them emotionally. 

I would rather go without than my wife just give in and not be as in to it as normal. I would expect that she would feel the same. If i'm tired or not really in the mood, would she want me to put in a half-assed effort?


----------



## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

You're right there's a double standard, and there shouldn't be. And you should make sure you tell her that.

My H turns me down occasionally when he's too tired. I get it, I am there sometimes too. Most of the time I am fine with waiting till the next day...he never leaves me waiting too long. Sometimes if I really can't wait, I will ask him if he'd be happy to participate if I did all the work. Most times he says yes, and he gets to lay back and enjoy while I "use" him lol. He never complains much about that.

If he's sick, I leave it off the table and just know we will bring the subject back up later.

We both have a deal, that if we are too tired and the other wants sex, instead of saying no we say "you'll have to convince me", which is really code for saying - be warned that you have to put in some work to get me in the mood, but im game for trying. If one of us says "can I get back to you tomorrow?" That means the topic is off the table for that night.

Works for us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## OrangeCrush (Sep 12, 2012)

I'm 100% okay with being turned down sometimes. I feel like it's unrealistic to expect my partner to always be in the mood and ready to go at my whims. Sex wouldn't be enjoyable if I knew he was really tired/stressed/not feeling well/just not in the mood for whatever reason and was feeling pressured to get into it- we can do it another time when we're both ready to enjoy it.  I also don't expect him to always be ready and wanting it just because he's a guy; I feel like that's an unfair gender stereotype.


----------



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

OrangeCrush said:


> I'm 100% okay with being turned down sometimes. I feel like it's unrealistic to expect my partner to always be in the mood and ready to go at my whims. Sex wouldn't be enjoyable if I knew he was really tired/stressed/not feeling well/just not in the mood for whatever reason and was feeling pressured to get into it- we can do it another time when we're both ready to enjoy it.  I also don't expect him to always be ready and wanting it just because he's a guy; I feel like that's an unfair gender stereotype.


Good to hear that some women feel that way. My wife seems to most of the time, but she has some deep self-esteem issues that fuel the feeling of being rejected thati think plays a big role in how she takes it


----------



## LouAnn Poovy (Mar 21, 2013)

Me? Turned down? Yes, about every time I try with my SO. He's always tired....always tired. It's really very disheartening.


----------



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

LouAnn Poovy said:


> Me? Turned down? Yes, about every time I try with my SO. He's always tired....always tired. It's really very disheartening.


sad to hear...look at some of SimplyAmerous' posts on this thread...maybe some ideas to help you


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Rand OmGuy said:


> I think there is a bit of a double standard at times. If the woman isn't in the mood, as men we have to accept that and hope for the next day. But if men say we aren't in the mood, it turns into a bigger issue and affects them emotionally.
> 
> I would rather go without than my wife just give in and not be as in to it as normal. I would expect that she would feel the same. If i'm tired or not really in the mood, would she want me to put in a half-assed effort?


I would have to say the sexes male and female have to understand that many of the same situations affect them the same way. So to consider the others person view point, it's up to you. If you care you would do it.

I had no idea that male and females almost viewed the sexual rejection in the same way and it had the same cumulative affect on the psyche ( decreased confidence, over time decreased libido ).


----------



## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

OP,
It's often suggested for a wife that when she turns down her husband, it would be good for her to offer "something" like a bj or hj just for him. When you wife approaches you and you don't feel like it, have you considered just doing something for her? (oral, vibrator, manual, etc.)


----------



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> OP,
> It's often suggested for a wife that when she turns down her husband, it would be good for her to offer "something" like a bj or hj just for him. When you wife approaches you and you don't feel like it, have you considered just doing something for her? (oral, vibrator, manual, etc.)


Yes actually. But she says she would rather have sex. I can understand as there is a deeper emotional connection. Just getting her off, no matter how enjoyable for her, she is really looking for the connection too. I always get her off a couple of times during foreplay before sex...so i'm sure she associates the oral/hand play with the end result. Sex.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

As the wife of a man who had a bad porn and intimacy problems (a totally broken human in every way), getting rejected over and over again for years was worse than when he told me "I want a divorce. I don't love you and have not loved you in a long time". Recovering my self esteem....my sexuality and confidence with another man.....that is an open wound I will carry for a long time. My love language is physical touch. Imagine my pain.


----------



## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Yes actually. But she says she would rather have sex. I can understand as there is a deeper emotional connection. Just getting her off, no matter how enjoyable for her, she is really looking for the connection too. I always get her off a couple of times during foreplay before sex...so i'm sure she associates the oral/hand play with the end result. Sex.


If you are willing to take care of her, even if you don't feel like going the "whole 9 yards", then it is on her if she does not want to take advantage of that. As others have stated, taking a break every now and then is just natural. People get tired. Things happen. 

Have you gone out of your way to make sure that she knows that the heart and mind is willing but the body is weak whenever you have had to say no?


----------



## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I'm really good at reading my HD man. I don't approach him for sex if he seems tired or uninterested or sick etc...

I think in 26 yrs he's turned me down twice. I don't think he saw my lower lip quiver... 

No honestly it hurts my feelings, I hate it. I understand it but I hate it.

Which is why I rarely, if ever say no to him.


----------



## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

I'm another one who has a really tough time being turned down. Especially if I put something sexy on and he just totally ignores me. I got turned down a lot in our first 7 or 8 years, and then I stopped initiating. Then I started turning him down. But we have deeper problems than just the sex.

You have tough hours, though. When I first started turning my husband down, it was mostly because I was so tired (small kids). I did tell him that if he wanted sex, he'd have to initiate by 9. Waiting until 10 or 10:30 was just NOT gonna work! :sleeping:


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband are of the same cloth in this... 

....I wouldn't say it's about insecurity ...being turned down so much... we know how deep, how high, how wide, and how moving our love is for each other... it's just that we really LOVE to please each other...since I've learned my blunder in NOT understanding HOW he was feeling all those yrs... (He was very passive about it)....how we missed each other in the sexual ... we both have a renewed sense of BEING/ doing/ Pleasing each other....

Both of us view masterbating as hollow in comparison to being in each others arms.... when my drive was higher than his... I entertained the idea I was being a PEST....one night I told him I didn't want to be a burden.....and he just laughed at me and said... "SEX, a burden - are you crazy woman!!!"... That made me 

I went and bought some toys so I could leave him the heck alone...and he told me to put them away and to come to him every single time.... he wanted me to "use him".

His attitude...in my time of need... well How can I not worship the ground he walks on.....So yeah.... I feel very blessed to have a man like that... he's a pleaser... if he's breathing and he can get it UP... he wants to use it ..

And me, so long as my hands and my mouth work, I'll gonna keep that boy happy. This is our way... Excuse the scripture, but this is kinda how we feel.


----------



## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

The only time it irks me is if I know he's expended the effort elsewhere. Like, I don't mind losing an hour of sleep to have sex when he comes home. But he turns to porn so he doesn't "bother" me. Bother me! Bother me! 

Illness and fatigue don't hurt my feelings.


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I have too much experience with this issue but can offer some perspective. Ex was very LD and he turned me down often, I stopped initiating and we eventually divorced. Of course there is a huge amount more to the story.

SO has only ever not been up for it a couple of times and like you it was due to tiredness. Because of my painful past it was a real issue for me.
To help the situation SO wrote me a beautiful letter which I keep in my bedside draw. It says that he loves me, desires me but is exhausted. To let him re energise and then he can give me his full attention. The fact that he wrote this letter means as much to me as what it says.

So from my POV it is not the rejection that is the issue, it is the whole picture surrounding it. Rejection due to being tired is a totally different thing than a husband that rejects because he is ND/LD and has no desire, that kind of rejection cuts very deep.

If you have a great sex life anyway and you are showing her that you desire her greatly but your body is exhausted then all you need is to tell her that. Tell her that you want her, crave her but you need to sleep and give her a rain check. This is not rejection, this is merely a postponement.


----------



## Rand OmGuy (Apr 1, 2013)

So, I had a mind numbingly exhausting day at work yesterday. I came home and helped the kids with their homework and cooked dinner (since the wife is studying for her finals this week). After dinner i helped the kids with bathing and getting ready for bed. The wife and I relaxed on the couch for about watching some TV. I was almost dozing off at 9:00pm. I had to come to work at 4:30 this morning to open the building as i am 2nd in command and the big boss decided he wanted to sleep in 

Well the wife and I head to bed around 9:45. We get confortable and were watching some TV. Then she reaches over under the covers and starts rubbing on me. 

Oh crap, i am exhausted, it's been a couple of days since the last time we had sex, how can i tell her i am too tired. 

Well, i decide that she takes very good care of me and our family no matter how tired she is. Time for me to man up. I roll towards her and the kissing and foreplay commences....the rest, well ya'll know.

What was surprising is, it was right up there in the top 10 of the best sexcapades we have ever had. Because i was tired and initially not in really in the mood, my intention was not driven by my desire for pleasure, but my desire to pleasure her. The passion and intensity was off the scales. I was so tuned in to make sure she was being pleasured, not to mention since i wasn't revved up before we started, it last quite a bit longer than usual. 

Afterwards, still a bit out of breath she said..."i'm surprised you were up for it tonight" She knew i had a rough day and i didn't realize she noticed me dozing off on the couch earlier. 

I told her that I was very tired and thought about asking for a rain check, but i wanted to show her that even though i was tired, i wanted to fulfill her desires and needs that night and find the energy as she does so often with me and the kids when she is exhausted. 

I will do this more often when i can, but even when i can't she now knows that i will try when i can. I think this will also go a long way with her confidence, knowing that even when i am tired and not really in the mood, she still can turn me on and i still find her very sexy and attractive.

All of your input helped me get some perspective and reminded me to not be so selfish at times. Thank you!


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Rand OmGuy said:


> Well, i decide that she takes very good care of me and our family no matter how tired she is. Time for me to man up.* I roll towards her and the kissing and foreplay commences....the rest, well ya'll know.*
> 
> What was surprising is, it was right up there in the top 10 of the best sexcapades we have ever had. Because i was tired and initially not in really in the mood, *my intention was not driven by my desire for pleasure, but my desire to pleasure her.* The passion and intensity was off the scales. I was so tuned in to make sure she was being pleasured, not to mention since i wasn't revved up before we started, it last quite a bit longer than usual.
> 
> ...


 post Rand OmGuy.... got me all teary eyed... seriously I am a freaking SAP... 
Now that is "*the spirit*".....

What you shared HERE was at the very  of one of my threads...


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

I am currently uninterested in sex with my wife, ergo, other forms of intimacy and affection have ceased. I would think she feels turned down but in fact she doesn't really initiate. I think she wants me to initiate (like our prior 20 years) so she can have the control of accepting or turning me down. There are a lot of other unhealthy contributors to our issues so I may not fit the bill as far as responding to this.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

okeydokie said:


> I am currently uninterested in sex with my wife, ergo, other forms of intimacy and affection have ceased. I would think she feels turned down but in fact she doesn't really initiate. I think she wants me to initiate (like our prior 20 years) so she can have the control of accepting or turning me down. There are a lot of other unhealthy contributors to our issues so I may not fit the bill as far as responding to this.


I've read through your thread. You've taken rejection for years until it cut into your esteem and sex drive. I don't blame you for not wanting to initiate.

If the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn't blame a female for not initiating in the same situation.

Besides after taking responsibility for your end in this, you are rightfully on the way out. It's not too hard to care when you actually care. If you don't care, then it will be physically painful to put together the contrived actions of appearing to care. Wifey hasn't cared about this in a long time.


----------



## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

It hurts my feelings pretty bad. If he is exhausted or sick I get it. But if he just wants to lay around or go play video games or something it cuts pretty deep. I'm pretty emotional about sex though.


----------



## happysnappy (Jan 8, 2013)

My ex turned me down 99% of the time that's why he's an ex


----------



## dream_weaver (Jun 5, 2012)

When my partner turned me down the first time I was sooo upset, understandably he was tired but I've never been turned down before so it shocked me...I could not sleep, thinking what was wrong with me blah blah blah..

In 1.5yrs this has only happened twice and since living together there are times I am tired too but it sort of an understanding now before we go to bed if one of us is too tired it probably won't happen that evening. If we haven't had sex that night I must admit if I don't get it in the morning I'm cranky all day! I was never like this with my XH so this has come as a surprise to me I'm like this.....


----------



## KimatraAKM (May 1, 2013)

I'm in the spot of your wife. I use to try and snuggle and have sex with my husband at least twice a day. After repeatedly turning me down and telling me he was tired, etc I stopped trying. 

Now I let him initiate the sex because I feel unwanted when he turns me down. 

I'd say you be completely truthful with her.. tell her it's not her. You're attracted to her, you love her, she's amazing, etc etc.. but that you are dog tired and need to rest. 

If my husband would just tell me WHY he doesn't want to have sex other than "ugh NO".. I wouldn't have given up.


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

KimatraAKM said:


> I'd say you be completely truthful with her.. tell her it's not her. You're attracted to her, you love her, she's amazing, etc etc.. but that you are dog tired and need to rest.


While that may be the truth, do you know how many people use that reasoning as a lie when they are cheating? It might work once in a blue moon, but I would not make a habit of it. Same goes for lack of conversation. Do you know how many times I heard my husband tell me "I have been talking at work all day and just don't feel like talking"? I believed him. Stupid me.


----------

