# Updates



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Today, a colleague of mine who is out of state walks into my office and asks how I am doing and "How is married life, Jelly?"

My divorce was a year and a half ago. 

I generally keep my work & private lives completely locked down and this was just a testament to that. 

I know he felt funny when I told him we (me and Mr. Ex Jelly) aren't together anymore.

**

I was out having a drink with a girlfriend last week and in walked Mr. Ex-Jelly. He didn't see me. I finished my drink and left.

One of my friends told me he posted on his Facebook recently about how he's a point in his life where he wants two girls in his bed, one to talk to the other after he falls asleep. And how "Men operate on hungry and horny. If you see your man without an erection, make him a sandwich." 

On his public Facebook. 

Life is so weird.

**

On the flip of that, I am experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. The prospect of dating and getting rejected make me feel strange. In my marriage one of the biggest issues with communication and the silent treatment (ex could go days/weeks w/o saying a word to me) so now if I am interested in a guy and we don't talk I automatically feel anxious. How do you know when it's healthy and not healthy to talk? Or rather, _*how do you know* _ if a guy is cooling off/not interested vs. normal non-talking times? I feel like a blind person.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Today, a colleague of mine who is out of state walks into my office and asks how I am doing and "How is married life, Jelly?"
> 
> My divorce was a year and a half ago.
> 
> ...


Ew...I think you're much better off! Give yourself time, sounds like Mr. Ex Jelly did quite a number on you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Classy right, Candie? 

Yeah I am still dealing with the aftermath in some ways.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

If you are still dealing with the aftermath, you are not ready to date


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's nowhere near as bad as it was but I think I am in a much better place now. 

I think any divorce is traumatic.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Your ex sounds like he's 13.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You aren't the first person who has made a comment like that. 

He's 35, by the way.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Don't invest your self esteem on 'dating' status.

And you gotta go with the flow.

I think I'm dating a woman ...

Had 2 dates, then we both had vacations, so no correspondence for a little over 2 weeks. 

I'm pretty good at picking up the 'I'm interested' vibe, but this woman has me vexed. Which actually has me interested ...

I texted her once at the start of my vacation, indicating that I hope she enjoyed hers and to wish me luck on mine. Got a follow-up 24 hours later.

Purposely didn't text her when I got back ... I presumed she was done. Then bam ... she texts me.

(I will also confess that I do not understand what it is about women and 'texting' but by FAR that is how all the women I have dated prefer to communicate)

She and I SHOULD have chemistry ... but it isn't clear yet whether we do or not. I don't think either one of us are really playing games. I do know that she got burned badly by her ex. So ...

my text reply was basically along the lines of: "I'm in no hurry. I would very much like to spend more time with you, and I want to make that perfectly clear. Doesn't matter when."

People get squirrelly about dating and dumping. Don't. First bit of advice I give? Be selfish.

Your life, your time. Get what you want, do what you want ... for your time is limited.

If a guy is interested in you, he will contact you. If he is very interested in you, he will make that clear. If he is mildly psychotic, he'll text you every 10 minutes ... so be careful what you wish for.

You just need to get a couple of casual dates under your belt, and you're going to do just fine.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Deejo said:


> (I will also confess that I do not understand what it is about women and 'texting' but by FAR that is how all the women I have dated prefer to communicate)


Haha. Sign of the times!!! I am experiencing the same thing. It's weird to me. When y ex and I were getting to know eachother, we talked on the phone all the time. Now, ti's like people are in these "textationships." Hehehehe.



Deejo said:


> People get squirrelly about dating and dumping. Don't. First bit of advice I give? Be selfish.
> 
> Your life, your time. Get what you want, do what you want ... for your time is limited.
> 
> If a guy is interested in you, he will contact you. If he is very interested in you, he will make that clear. If he is mildly psychotic, he'll text you every 10 minutes ... so be careful what you wish for.


Lol. Great advice that I will take to heart. I firmly believe if a guy is into me, I will just "know" it. Also agree on the "being selfish." Woot woot! 

I am getting my feet wet with flirting and putting out/receiving feelers and so far, so good. Teensy baby steps. 

Life is SO weird!  (And by that, I mean, I never ever thought I'd be single again but am enjoying the new possibilities).


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

Have some fun with it Jelly.

You desire it and enjoy yourself. 

If you are not enjoying dating then maybe you aren't doing it with the right person.

Consider it a chance to upgrade your man!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Shoeguy said:


> Have some fun with it Jelly.
> 
> You desire it and enjoy yourself.
> 
> ...


Lol. It sounds like "upgrade your phone." Hilarious. :rofl:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> On the flip of that, I am experiencing a lot of anxiety lately. The prospect of dating and getting rejected make me feel strange. In my marriage one of the biggest issues with communication and the silent treatment (ex could go days/weeks w/o saying a word to me) so now if I am interested in a guy and we don't talk I automatically feel anxious. How do you know when it's healthy and not healthy to talk? Or rather, _*how do you know* _ if a guy is cooling off/not interested vs. normal non-talking times? I feel like a blind person.


this is probably lame and i'm breaking dating "rules" when i do this but when we're in the getting to know you stage I just straight up warn the guy, Hey I get anxious when xyz happens so i might just come to you and ask instead of spinning it my head until i'm ready for a meltdown. The non talking times would be one of those instances. Surprisingly,i was met with warm reception and not "omg you're crazy".
I actually got told that my openess was refreshing and it was nice to not have to play games about communicating things like that.

your ex sounds like he needs to attend a seminar on being a grownup.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Surprisingly,i was met with warm reception and not "omg you're crazy".
> I actually got told that my openess was refreshing and it was nice to not have to play games about communicating things like that.


Yeah, laying cards on the table is paramount from the get-go. Boundaries... lol


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