# I'm living in a sexless marriage... at 22..



## scoley09 (Aug 10, 2013)

Hello everyone, 

As the title states, I am 22 years old (married to a 28 year old) and I am in a borderline sexless marriage after only 14 months of marriage. By borderline sexless I mean I'm lucky to have sex with my husband 2x/month.

This started off as normal as it could have. We had sex several times per week be fore we were married. Shortly after we were married my husband was sent to Morocco (he is a government contractor). We were apart for about 3 weeks. When I finally arrived in Morocco, sex was good..... for the first night or two. It completely dropped off. I tried talking to him several times and he always had an excuse, work, stress, etc. He is overweight by about 50lbs and I feel like that might be an issue too. I would try to have sex with him and he would just roll over, completely rejecting me over and over again. Naturally, I would get upset, he would ask me why, I would tell him, excuses, repeat. So I gave up. I could only take being rejected by my husband so many times. Its heart breaking. 

We came back to the states for about 2 months then he went off to Afghanistan. We did not have sex before he left. While he was in Afghanistan he would tell me all the time how horny he was and all the things he wanted to do to me when he got back and how things were going to be different, sexually, when he got back. I don't know why I got my hopes up. Like in Morocco, his first day/night back from Afghanistan (~1 month ago) was great and then it completely dropped off again. We are now on a new contract in Korea and its Morocco all over again. No sex. Attempts at communications about it have failed. And I have been rejected 3 times in the past week and a half. I'm about to give up again..

We are so young. Isn't this supposed to be the "prime of our sexual activity"? I am not asking him to give me sex every day, I couldn't do that. Just once or twice per week. Too much to ask? It makes me fear for the future. I can't keep living like this. I lobe my husband more than words can express but something needs to change. Its so embarrassing and degrading. I shouldn't be afraid to ask my husband for sex in fear of rejection. I don't know how to cope or talk or resolve my issue. I've tried everything. I've even talked to him about seeing a doctor about it..nothing. All communications seem to go in one ear and out the other when it comes to this topic. What can/should I do? I'm so lost.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Based on your timeline, perhaps he is chatting with another woman online?


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## scoley09 (Aug 10, 2013)

He did have issues with that at the beginning but that got shut down immediately. I'm capable of monitoring all internet activity now. Including his phone. Nothing. He did watch a lot of porn while he was overseas (could also be part of the issue) but other than that there hasn't been anything.


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## Spinner (Jul 26, 2013)

I'm sorry you're going through this heartbreaking situation, but I'm left with only one question.... Why?? Why would you want to be with this man who not only doesn't want to have sex with you, but doesn't want to hear about how upset that makes you? It sounds like he's married to his job. And if he's watching porn a lot, but not delivering it doesn't sound like he simply has a low sexual drive. AND he was fooling around with other women since the beginning of your marriage? :scratchhead:

All I can say is that it's probably not going to get better. My husband is the same way and I wasted two years begging him to talk with me about it. Cut your losses. 

If you're not quite there yet, some things that might help are getting him a physical to make sure he's healthy and try to help him to go on a diet. Not yelling that he can't have sweets ever, but making sure that when he's home he has good healthy options around, and telling him that he'd feel so much better if he'd eat well.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

This is the point in the horror film where you just want to scream at the protagonists in the haunted house and say " GET OUT!!"

Don't try to hold on to something which hasn't even come close to holding up to the warranty. It's broke already and trying to fix it is going to consume so much of your time and energy, when in fact the model husband you bought doesn't do what was advertised.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I suspect porn.

1] You all spend lots of time apart.
2] He's not having any sexual outlet [ affair]
3] You constantly initiate. [ which is supposed to make him respond]

Looking at porn when you all ar apart is normal, but it seems he's unable to make the switch when you get back together.
Also,even though you may have access to his computer's history , there are ways to go incognito online that leaves no traces of pages visited.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

Just don't get the porn is better than real sex, must be be devoid of sensual feeling, how can a man's own hand be better than a woman's body.

op if i was you i'd get out early, i've already been right where you are and it never got any better.


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## soulsearch (Aug 2, 2013)

Overweight, interested until he gets some after a long period, then no libido..... Has he had his testosterone checked? A friend had to go on replacement therapy in his 20's, he had some of the same stuff going on.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Definitely not a good sign at such a young age. Not likely to improve with time. Be sure to think hard before having kids. He doesn't seem to want to change things? Does he seem to think such a low frequency is a problem? Or is he OK with things they way they are?


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## marshmallow (Oct 15, 2013)

have you talked to him about it? you should be able to voice your concerns without him turning into a huge baby. if he cant do that, well, maybe you might look into other options, such as divorce.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

He most likely has a very bad self-image and is reluctant to talk about it because admitting it feels even worse. Him looking at porn indicates desire for sex. But the actors don't see his weight, so he feels safe with this form of relief.
This is my number one opinion. Second, would be that he lost attraction for you. Hope not. Maybe convince him to try counselling before calling it quits. If he refuses, his loss. You're too young and it's too soon in the marriage to go through this. Married and sexless/ affectionless should never be happen together.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Tell him that he should thank his lucky stars for you.

Does he know how many men would be very happy if their wife would initiate. 

So if he comes home and you are wearing a long coat, (with little of nothing underneath), he would roll over and go to sleep?

Have him see a doctor.


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## Almost There (Oct 23, 2013)

The only thing to do to save this for both of you is to WAKE HIM UP somehow... and get him to listen. You said you've tried discussing it with him, tried taking him to the doctor... have you told him you're getting to the point of resentment and you'll leave him if this doesn't get worked out? Because frankly, at this point, you should. I cannot even imagine having to deal with that already, so young, so soon! I get my feelings hurt very easily when I initiate, and if I was ever rejected over and over and just pushed aside... the relationship would die in my eyes very quickly. 

Get this fixed now!! Do whatever it takes to snap him out of it so he really HEARS you. And if that doesn't work... well... I would say I seriously doubt it's going to get any better. It doesn't sound like this is something you can deal with (who would want that, really!?), so tell him divorce is on the table at that point.

Good luck!! I hope he has a serious wake up call and you guys can work it out together.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Tell him you think a little porn in the bedroom will spice things up. Then put on a video of two men going at it. See if THAT gets a rise out of him.


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