# Need a mans perspective!!! PLEASE



## ConfusedinTN2009 (Apr 23, 2009)

OK, a few months ago I found out that my husband of 8 years had been talking and texting an OLD friend that he re-sonnected with on Facebook. They talked or text each other every day for almost 2 months. I was isolating myself at the time (without meaning to) and my hubby said that he needed a womans perspective on OUR problems in OUR marriage. 

He said they were JUST friends. Since then he has cut all communication with her (that I know of). He DID tell me that he felt as though she were becoming emotionally attached to him. 

We have been going to marriage counseling since I found out - It is going great...

My problem is that my hubby still says he did nothing wrong. I have a VERY hard time believeing that. Either way, our marriage has never been stronger since we started counseling.

My question is: I still wonder every day if he is chatting or e-mailing her from work....I know there is NO way to find this out but it drives me crazy

What do you guys think?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

It is possible that it was an emotional affair, maybe not. Did he initiate ending the contact or did you discover it? If he ended it on his own I would tend to believe him that he felt she was getting attached to him and he was avoiding a dangerous situation. Kudos to him for that. Do you trust in your husband? Has he lied to you before? 

In his mind, he has done nothing wrong, it was just a friendship. My wife said the same thing when I discovered her EA. It was not until contact ended that she realized that her feelings for him were much more than friendship. But she never admitted she had done anything wrong.

Are you discussing your concerns with your counselor? Good for you guys in addressing the issues. Good luck


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## ConfusedinTN2009 (Apr 23, 2009)

Amp, thanks for responding. I discovered it BUT he was not trying to hide it for very long. The cell phone account is in my name so he KNEW I would find out. As far as ending it, it was kinda a mutual thing between him and I. Our counselor and myself both told him he had to end all comunication with her for our marriage to work and he said he had already blocked her from Yahoo messenger, took her off of his Facebook and blocked her e-mails. He said that I was #1 and his marriage means the world to him. My husband is brutally honest (doesn't spare anyones feelings)....I don't know anymore!!!

My husband has NEVER lied to me in 8 years. I think this is why this has been so difficult for me. He denies betraying or deceiving me. He stands by "I did nothing wrong" thing. On one hand I trust him with my life but on the other I doubt him too. 

Yes, our counselor knows everything. She has been a God send for us! 

I just wish I could put it behind me and move on!!!!

Thanks again!!


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## revitalizedhusband (Feb 9, 2009)

If you know your husband is an honest man, then believe him in this. It was strictly because you were pulling away and he wanted a woman's opinion, someone he could trust (old friend).


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

ConfusedinTN2009 said:


> He denies betraying or deceiving me. He stands by "I did nothing wrong" thing.


If he really saw this as just a friendship then that is why he says he didn’t do anything wrong. Couple that with the fact that he had the conversations with her on a cell phone he knew you could monitor and I think that shows, in his mind, there was nothing there. Even though my wife ended up in an EA I still have no problem with her having male friends. I trust in her in this but trust did have to be rebuilt. I have let the AE go and we are now focusing on other areas of our marriage. If you trust your husband then accept that he has ended the relationship and let go of it yourself. It will only eat away at you and likely cause more anxiety in the marriage.


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## white_chinaman (Apr 25, 2009)

ConfusedinTN2009 said:


> OK, a few months ago I found out that my husband of 8 years had been talking and texting an OLD friend that he re-sonnected with on Facebook. They talked or text each other every day for almost 2 months. I was isolating myself at the time (without meaning to) and my hubby said that he needed a womans perspective on OUR problems in OUR marriage.
> 
> He said they were JUST friends. Since then he has cut all communication with her (that I know of). He DID tell me that he felt as though she were becoming emotionally attached to him.
> 
> ...


If you are so desperate to find out, the nlearn how the computer works and install a software program like KGB spylogger or something. It allows everything he does to be recorded, including a screenshot of what websites he is visiting. I had to use this one because I suspected my own wife is cheating, we never talked or had sex, and when I was out nothing ever seemed to be getting done, but I have been able to stop worrying about her cheating because now I know that her lack of focus on everything in our home is because of her an addiction to Ebay! 

The bad thing is that I fear she is bidding on items she cannot afford and I will have to bail her out when the debt collectors come.


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## ConfusedinTN2009 (Apr 23, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> If he really saw this as just a friendship then that is why he says he didn’t do anything wrong. Couple that with the fact that he had the conversations with her on a cell phone he knew you could monitor and I think that shows, in his mind, there was nothing there. Even though my wife ended up in an EA I still have no problem with her having male friends. I trust in her in this but trust did have to be rebuilt. I have let the AE go and we are now focusing on other areas of our marriage. If you trust your husband then accept that he has ended the relationship and let go of it yourself. It will only eat away at you and likely cause more anxiety in the marriage.


Amp, thank you so much! I just wish my trust would come back!!!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You are feeling insecure, so focus on that. What he did to "deserve" that is something only he can know for sure. If he has not lied in 8 years, I would think he's not lying now. I have a couple of good male friends I can talk about very personal issues with and there is absolutely nothing between us; I'd share everything we discussed with my husband. Maybe that's what you need to ask him: was there any exchange between them he would have felt awkward having you hear b/c it was inappropriate? If he can say no, then try to focus on why you continue to feel insecure. Good luck.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

ConfusedinTN2009 said:


> Amp, thank you so much! I just wish my trust would come back!!!


It doesn't come back overnight. It does take time. In the mean time work on spending time together, dating..... and it will improve.


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