# Is Internet dating too convenient for women or difficult?



## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

I've heard when it comes to a woman looking for a relationship via the internet or dating app, that their inboxes are so full that they barely have enough time to go through their messages.

So basically, the guys are more aggressive or maybe guys are just way more into internet dating than women.

Ladies - if you see one thing that you don't like about a person while out on a date, is it easy for you to press the "Next" button because you know there's a ton of guys knocking at the door (inbox)?


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

After you weed out the idiots and @ssholes (http://www.buzzfeed.com/hnigatu/18-tinder-messages-that-went-from-0-to-100-real-quick#.ld5l0YQpp, TinderLines) and the married guys who are pretending to be not married, there's a lot less in that inbox. 

It really depends what she's looking for but for some women I have spoken to, sometimes they are so happy to get a normal message from a normal guy that they aren't just going to throw him away at one flaw because they have a full inbox.

Pick your matches carefully, don't just go for looks because everyone else is too. Read their stuff and send a thoughtful message.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

I agree with Slowly-

Just weeding out the ones that are married (looking for something on the side), the players, and the one's that really just are not a match. The pool of offerings in the inbox are rather small.

For myself, I didn't really care for online dating, as it sets up each meet with this underlying expectation of a romantic relationship. Kind of puts the cart before the horse IMO.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Apparently my personality and/or photos weed them out just fine. My box is not overflowing and is relatively empty. I guess if you show cleavage and describe yourself as thin and athletic (vs. average) you get more replies.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I was single for a few years (my ex and I are attempting reconciliation now), and my answer is yes.....too convenient, too easy for women. For me it was at least (and I am quite conservative and would not show cleavage in online photos). If I were to become single again, I'm not sure I'd do internet dating again. I agree with the cart before the horse comment. It's just not as natural as other ways of meeting people, IMO. There is a whole lot of yuck to weed through in the inbox, too.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening EnjoliWoman
I think you have the right approach. I've never understood why people exaggerate /lie on dating sites - it seem like that will just result in a lot of inquiries from people who aren't compatible anyway. If you give an accurate impression, you may not get many replies, but the ones you get are much more likely to be from people you would actually enjoy spending time with .





EnjoliWoman said:


> Apparently my personality and/or photos weed them out just fine. My box is not overflowing and is relatively empty. I guess if you show cleavage and describe yourself as thin and athletic (vs. average) you get more replies.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

I am rather conservative myself and posted only a head shot (no cleavage...no duck lips...just a simple smile). However, I would get quite a few emails making no reference to any content to my profile (likes/goals/etc) but stating that we're a complete match because of they liked my smile....Soooo deep!


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I will not do internet dating again. Yuck. LOL!


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## devotion (Oct 8, 2012)

Checked my fiancee and she got about 2-3 messages per month with a very short profile with only 1 picture. Her picture was very modest and it was only one paragraph profile. She would never contact guys, only let them contact her (she would search, but would never initiate contact - I contacted her since it showed her visiting my profile)

I had about 3-4 pictures on my profile and probably about 3-4 paragraphs. I also got about 2-3 messages the month I was on; of course I also sent like a 100 outgoing  

I think the dating game is still 'easier' for girls than guys online, but basically girls can get attention a LOT easier from all sorts of wrong people easily. I'm sure some guys can get that sort of attention too, but its a lot harder for most of us. 

That's my opinion of the 'game'. Girls can definitely get quantity over quality VERY easy. But if they want 'real' matches then its probably just as tough for girls and guys.


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## cons (Aug 13, 2013)

If were talking about just hooking up like being on Tinder or AFF then definitely, women have it easier. But as devotion said...if you're looking for a match...a significant relationship...I think both genders are in the same boat.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Monty4321 said:


> I've heard when it comes to a woman looking for a relationship via the internet or dating app, that their inboxes are so full that they barely have enough time to go through their messages.
> 
> So basically, the guys are more aggressive or maybe guys are just way more into internet dating than women.
> 
> Ladies - if you see one thing that you don't like about a person while out on a date, is it easy for you to press the "Next" button because you know there's a ton of guys knocking at the door (inbox)?


Okay so it's not my intent to blow my own horn. Said with all humility, internet dating for me was a full-time job. I couldn't keep up. That said, it was fun fun fun and that's how I met my current live-in BF of 3 years. I hit gold with him, man. GOLD.

If I saw something undesirable while on a date, yes, it would be easy to move on, and I frequently did. But not because I had other prospects; it was because I knew he wasn't the man for me. It had nothing to do with my overflowing in-box.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

If I ever became single again, I wouldn't even attempt Internet dating. It just seems so creepy to me. It seems like people tend to lie their @ssess off in those profiles anyway. 

I would rather meet a real person and decide from there if I want to date them.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

lucy999 said:


> Okay so it's not my intent to blow my own horn. Said with all humility, internet dating for me was a full-time job. I couldn't keep up. That said, it was fun fun fun and that's how I met my current live-in BF of 3 years. I hit gold with him, man. GOLD.
> 
> If I saw something undesirable while on a date, yes, it would be easy to move on, and I frequently did. But not because I had other prospects; it was because I knew he wasn't the man for me. It had nothing to do with my overflowing in-box.


Snap, Mr H and I met with OLD and are in our 3rd year, never been happier.

I had a blast OLD, no cleavage shots from me but I got too many contacts to reply to. I just took it all as a bit of fun, was not looking for anyone in particular, met some really great men and ended up meeting Mr Wonderful.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Maybe it was my cleavage shots that gave me the bad luck.....(in my defense, unless I'm wearing a turtleneck, ALL pics are cleavage shots.....) 

But seriously. I met some nice guys and I met some total weirdos. I had an overflowing inbox, but most were looking for hookups. I had turned to internet dating because there just weren't many opportunities to meet anyone where i live in rural GA. I met my recently ex BF on there, and it was a great relationship for over a year.......but he pulled the old switch-a-roo on me (or something like that.) 

I have about decided that all the men I have met on there have had some kind of issues. So what did that say about ME being on there? Maybe it was the site I used.....PoF. Perhaps I should have tried something different. I dunno. But I am avoiding it like the plague right now. 

I'm tired of trying. Meh.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

cons said:


> I am rather conservative myself and posted only a head shot (no cleavage...no duck lips...just a simple smile). However, I would get quite a few emails making no reference to any content to my profile (likes/goals/etc) but stating that we're a complete match because of they liked my smile....Soooo deep!


Yeah, guys should definitely put in more of an effort than that. Gotta do better than one liners right.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

GA HEART said:


> I will not do internet dating again. Yuck. LOL!


 What happened? lol


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Lordy, I have some stories! Haha!

My VERY FIRST date scared the living daylights out of me, my second stalked me, and my third was a complete weirdo. I should have just stopped then. Haha!


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

lucy999 said:


> Okay so it's not my intent to blow my own horn. Said with all humility, internet dating for me was a full-time job. I couldn't keep up. That said, it was fun fun fun and that's how I met my current live-in BF of 3 years. I hit gold with him, man. GOLD.
> 
> If I saw something undesirable while on a date, yes, it would be easy to move on, and I frequently did. But not because I had other prospects; it was because I knew he wasn't the man for me. It had nothing to do with my overflowing in-box.


That's good - I'm glad it worked out for you. I haven't been out there dating in while as my relationship ended not too long ago. I'll be hitting it soon though. Good luck to me.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

GA HEART said:


> Maybe it was the site I used.....PoF.


HA! That's where I met my current BF. Lots of weirdos for sure, lots of attempted booty calls (some were successful *cough*). Man that site moves FAST.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

GA HEART said:


> Maybe it was my cleavage shots that gave me the bad luck.....(in my defense, unless I'm wearing a turtleneck, ALL pics are cleavage shots.....)
> 
> But seriously. I met some nice guys and I met some total weirdos. I had an overflowing inbox, but most were looking for hookups. I had turned to internet dating because there just weren't many opportunities to meet anyone where i live in rural GA. I met my recently ex BF on there, and it was a great relationship for over a year.......but he pulled the old switch-a-roo on me (or something like that.)
> 
> ...


Yes everyone has their issues - anyone who says they doesn't is not truthful lol. When I was dating, I ran into some weird and crazy people too. Most of the weird ones came from plenty of fish. I had to drop POF. From those experiences, I'm not really looking forward to dating again. It's hard meeting people on the same page.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Monty4321 said:


> That's good - I'm glad it worked out for you. I haven't been out there dating in while as my relationship ended not too long ago. I'll be hitting it soon though. Good luck to me.


Thanks! Hold on to yer britches when you dip your toe into the internet dating scene. It was a long, strange trip indeed. But worth it.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Monty4321 said:


> Most of the weird ones came from plenty of fish. I had to drop POF.




Now I'm starting to think _I'm_ the weirdo.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I don't really look down on it at all. Maybe in a year or 6 I might try it again. I dunno. I'm not in the mood to ever try again, ever. I'm 3 for 3 right now in the relationship department. (Although each one has gotten progressively better.....physically abusive to mentally abusive to verbally abusive......maybe my next one will be the winner!)

I thought I fixed the picker, but I guess it's still broken. I think I'm just one of those women who is destined to be single. It has it's perks for sure.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

lucy999 said:


> Now I'm starting to think _I'm_ the weirdo.


Maybe you are :iagree: lol. j/k. I really had to shut my account down because of the people on there. There's obviously good folk on there too, but too hard to find.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Darn curiosity. So what is a good site? (SWEAR I'm only curious! LOL!)


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

GA HEART said:


> I don't really look down on it at all. Maybe in a year or 6 I might try it again. I dunno. I'm not in the mood to ever try again, ever. I'm 3 for 3 right now in the relationship department. (Although each one has gotten progressively better.....physically abusive to mentally abusive to verbally abusive......maybe my next one will be the winner!)
> 
> I thought I fixed the picker, but I guess it's still broken. I think I'm just one of those women who is destined to be single. It has it's perks for sure.


Well you're certainly not the only one with a broken picker. I was just recently having a conversation during the superbowl about "how in the world do I pick em". I want normal - normal seems to be rare. 

Verbally and mentally abusive . Physically abusive coward a$$ wipe -pissed me off. Especially when you have a good one. Beyond me for sure. Sorry to hear that. 

If you are a good woman, you're not destined to be alone. There's someone who would appreciate you. Now how y'all find each other - that's the how....? Someone show me/us. lol


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

GA HEART said:


> Darn curiosity. So what is a good site? (SWEAR I'm only curious! LOL!)


I think, again - I only think that EHarmony and Match are decent. The way I figure: if you're willing to pay, you're probably serious about finding someone for real. At least I hope.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I like to think I'm a good egg. Problem is, I might be too picky. How does one determine if your standards are unrealistic or if you are actually settling?

Of course, I'm only like 2 weeks out of this last one and the dumb heart is still tangled. Not wanting anything yet, just wondering for the future. (Took me 2 years to get right after the one before this. Jeez.)


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Monty4321 said:


> Maybe you are :iagree: lol. j/k. I really had to shut my account down because of the people on there. There's obviously good folk on there too, but too hard to find.


HA! It's okay. Weirdos need love too. 

GA Heart, I agree that Match might be a good one. It was just too slow-moving and conservative for me. I will say though that 3 years ago when I put my profile on dark on POF it was getting realllly gritty up in there. I can only imagine how it is now. And my picker was broken too. For a looong time. I'm 46 and it's about damn time I got a good one. You will too.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

GA HEART said:


> I like to think I'm a good egg. Problem is, I might be too picky. How does one determine if your standards are unrealistic or if you are actually settling?
> 
> Of course, I'm only like 2 weeks out of this last one and the dumb heart is still tangled. Not wanting anything yet, just wondering for the future. (Took me 2 years to get right after the one before this. Jeez.)


I just read your post about asking him to move out. Sorry to hear that. 2 years to recover, people don't realize the stain they put on others. Really sorry to hear that.

Maybe you should come up with a list of your own expectations and see how they compare to others. Being picky does make it difficult, but you never know - you're probably not picky.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Monty4321 said:


> I think, again - I only think that EHarmony and Match are decent. The way I figure: if you're willing to pay, you're probably serious about finding someone for real. At least I hope.


I wouldn't agree with you there. I used OKC and met a few women. I'm in a wonderful steady, but long distance, relationship and a few of the other women I met are now really good friends who I still go out with often. Before anyone asks my gf knows about them and when and where. 

I had zero luck with POF and Zoosk was the pits. 

On the other hand I've met some women who've had dreadful on line experiences.

I would suggest that you need to be careful. Let a good friend know who you are meeting, when and where and how long you expect to be. Even better include them in your phone position sharing just to be on the safe side.


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## Monty4321 (Jul 15, 2011)

WonkyNinja said:


> I wouldn't agree with you there. I used OKC and met a few women. I'm in a wonderful steady, but long distance, relationship and a few of the other women I met are now really good friends who I still go out with often. Before anyone asks my gf knows about them and when and where.
> 
> I had zero luck with POF and Zoosk was the pits.
> 
> ...


You know - I kind of agree with that. If a woman is going out for a date with someone for the first time - she should either have a tag along friend come and / or let people know about it to be safe. 

Is OKC good - I never tried that.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Monty4321 said:


> I've heard when it comes to a woman looking for a relationship via the internet or dating app, that their inboxes are so full that they barely have enough time to go through their messages.
> 
> So basically, the guys are more aggressive or maybe guys are just way more into internet dating than women.
> 
> Ladies - if you see one thing that you don't like about a person while out on a date, is it easy for you to press the "Next" button because you know there's a ton of guys knocking at the door (inbox)?



LOTS of women struggle with online dating, especially women who aren't conventionally attractive. This assumption makes me feel bad for them, because I know amazing women who absolutely do not have their dating site in boxes overflowing with mail.

The assumption definitely should not be that all woman clean up in the dating scene, online or otherwise. That's far from true.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

Monty4321 said:


> You know - I kind of agree with that. If a woman is going out for a date with someone for the first time - she should either have a tag along friend come and / or let people know about it to be safe.
> 
> Is OKC good - I never tried that.


Well I'm a Liberal, Pro-Choice, Pro-Gun Control, Pro-Healthcare for all Athiest who doesn't hunt living in the deep south and I found someone on OKC. I think that's pretty darned good going!!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

You got say things so that you will be part of someone's search parameters.

I knew that "Black" was a very unpopular race. since I have that Halle Berry look, I called myself something else. I can't remember what - mixed race maybe. I don't think I ever called myself white.

And then there's the age thing. I think a lot of people lie about their age people when it's hovering around a "5" or a "0" as the second digit.

I only had facial shots as well. Maybe that scared some men off as well.

thankfully, I live in a big city like London where there's lots to do and lots of single people. My husband tells me he thought I was the same age as he and that I was either Jewish or Mediterranean when he decided to cross the pub to introduce himself.

Imagine how much his jets would have been cooled had he known the truth before he even had a chance to take a look.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

forget about Internet ;
search for something real;
why don't you just explore the possibilities in places;-I hope nobody takes my response negatively -I am not suggesting you stand by the corners ..

Why don't you enrol in more activities and meet real ppl , share dance lessons , go to GOLF !

Or if you can't afford , just go to same coffee shop everyday , to a bookstore .

Engage in an NGO, music club or activity ?

You will get real people .


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

can you please post your profile for example here ,


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Funny thing is that real people do online dating as well as activities, GOLF etc.

A lot of happy couples have met online so why would you think they are not real people? It is nothing new, my dad was OLD over a decade ago and has met some great women.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

just because there is higher chance that you meet also jerks ...


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I think a reasonably attractrive white woman between the ages of 25 and 35 probably get a lot of play.

But then I couldn't vouch for the quality of that play.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

No offense but ,

When you are more than superficial , and racism becomes no issue for you ; a black version of venus , in her 60s might look to you gorgeous.

Not talking about just sex here , talking about charm ,feminism , attraction , accent , and so many attractive patterns .

In my teen ,I have always thought that I will never date except a white sexy woman .

being married to a white barbie , after 15 years , i sometimes get attracted to females who are not white , lovely and in their 50s or 60s !

I haven't tried anything beyond a talk or a coffee, but I assure you ; when it happens it will be better than my experience with Barbie .


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Internet dating is difficult for both men and women, just in differnt ways. Women have to deal with the influx of emails, many of which are down right bizarre to sexually aggressive. More of a time commitment if you are reading lots of emails everyday.

Men it's more frustrating cause it's a competition to try and get anyone's attention cause of the non stop competition. You have to somehow stand out in the sea of emails and and that can get very discouraging. I always do find it interesting how many people here Do not like POF........ It's really the only website I have had success on and met all three of my GF's on since I started Internet dating. Match was way to many women looking for the BBD. This must be dependent on where you live maybe?? 

I am with someone now but if single again i'm determined to get out more and not use Internet as my sole means of meeting women. My good friends swears I will mop up if I go salsa dancing with her so will likely give that a try.....all those poor feet I might step on eeek


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Zouz said:


> can you please post your profile for example here ,


LOVE this idea! Someone should start a thread.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Monty4321 said:


> Ladies - if you see one thing that you don't like about a person while out on a date, is it easy for you to press the "Next" button because you know there's a ton of guys knocking at the door (inbox)?


The same argument could be made for men.

Digital age = everything is abundant/at your fingertips/convenient.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Online dating is a tool. How well you use it - partly - determines your results. The rest is luck (and you can improve your luck by meeting more people and by improving your screening process).

It rarely worked when I'd contact women - probably too much competition to stand out, if they even bothered to check my profile. I decided that it would work better if I let women contact me - and figured that those that did would be showing initiative, confidence, and might have a good idea of what they wanted and seek it, rather than just weeding through the many, mostly unsuitable men contacting them. Of course, I had to do the weeding out, but I wasn't exactly inundated with contacts (I averaged about 10 a week over a two year period), either! 

All my best dates - and my wife - found me. I was on a few sites back then, but over 90% of the good contacts were on match.


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## 15_Days_at_a_time (Jul 19, 2015)

I would not say easier but I also had a long list of personal rules.

Creepy messages, men sending emails bragging to have fancy cars, or VIP this, or in any way tried to use money to impress me. Thank you for your interest and time but I am not interested. 

Did not fit the criteria that was outlined in my profile. Only give I gave was age. Thank you for time and interest but I am not interested.

If they would only hit the flirt or wink button but would not engage a conversation with me introducing themselves I would not engage them. I never engaged any. More so because I want to see a man has enough confidence to politely say hello and introduce himself.

If they asked a question that would have been clearly answered in my profile I would not email back at all. Why? Because they did not take the time to read my short paragraph of info. They went based on look alone. And I mean HUGE obvious things...like do you have kids? 

My interest were ones that met my criteria for the most part, presented nice pictures that didn't involve them partying it up at a frat house, read and asked questions about the info I provided, and that seemed to be direct, open, clearly spoken, and engaging. 

Biggest prob was men old enough to have fathered me and men claiming to be very wealthy with I have this and that. I wanted a partner and friend. Not a sugar daddy.

All that said I had to "hide" my profile after less than 24 hours because I could not respond to emails fast enough and felt it was rude for someone to wait on a reply for several days.


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## Constable Odo (Feb 14, 2015)

EnjoliWoman said:


> I guess if you show cleavage and describe yourself as thin and athletic (vs. average) you get more replies.


I haven't used OLD since 2003 when I first was divorced. Back then, in my experience, you needed to take whatever the description was, and add 30-50 pounds. So, a 5'4" woman describing herself as "average" would actually be closer to 13 stone. In the case of men, separated = "married but looking for something on the side", divorced = "what I will be in the future if my wife finds out about you" and single = "what I wish I really was".

I loathe OLD from my experiences, and the experiences relayed to me by several of my female friends. 

The principle reason is the number of "shill" accounts vendors place on their web site. Thus, you never know if you're actually paying $$$ to contact a real person or not. Eventually, with a little time, you can start to recognize and weed out the shills. While I do not mind paying for something, I want to pay for something which is not fundamentally false.

Yet, OLD poses somewhat of a dilemma. In my life travels, I do not have the opportunity to interact with a large number of single women at the appropriate life-stage or maturity level I have (yes, I interact with a large number of single women my daughter's age at work, but they're way too immature to be compatible.) However, generally women I find interesting and attractive in the few social circles I do engage in also have another adverb attached to them: married.

Fortunately, I have a wonderful SO who, oddly enough, I found through OKC when I was trolling for young women one day (Hi Baby! Stop Reading TAM and get back to work!) But, if I were to become single again, I don't think I would use OLD, but would instead try one of those professional matchmaking services like "It's Just Lunch", which over the past few years have become more popular in major metropolitan areas, rather than attempting OLD. I simply don't have the time, or energy, to wade through that morass.


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