# Sexually Frustration and Virgin Awaiting



## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

I am a 28 year old Virgin, saving myself for marriage. I have made this my choice and going to wait as long as it takes, because its been a dream of me to get married, and remain and have sex after marriage.

But besides that, my Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year, since we first started talking, then dating, and became official, as in a relationship together, I told him I was a Virgin and saving myself until marriage. He understood and was respecting me, then.

As time went on, he began bringing up how he wanted sex, mentioning it here and there, then it became more often, that he was then sexually frustrated and he wanted to have sex. To him, masturbating a ton, or watching porno, or even the other stuff him and I have done, wasn't good enough for him,

He wanted sex end of story. I told him that him bringing up how he wants sex, hurt my feelings because he knows I want to wait until marriage to do that. But yet he keeps bringing it up, he says its in a guys nature type of thing, if him and I have sex, we will have a bonding experience and share emotion etc.

He then says he is willing to wait and is trying not to bring up how he is sexually frustrated. He wants to be with me and does not want us to break up either. So again it just comes back to him, as of lately, always bringing up how he wants sex. What should I do?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Don't save yourself, have sex as soon as you possibly can and not necessarily with your boyfriend!


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

I applaud you for wanting to wait till marriage to have sex....but you have to understand from a guys view how this frustrates him. 


You say he masterbates and you do other stuff. Which is probably helpful to him. But, in my opinion, all guys want to see how sex with a gf is before he decides to marry someone. 

One of the worst things in selecting a mate for life is a bad sex partner. 

Me personally, I would not marry a women I have not had sex with. I may sound shallow but I'm honest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

My personal opinion is waiting till after marriage is a big mistake. Sexual compatibility is huge for a marriage you you put the cart before the horse this way. I'm not saying you need to jump the guy this second but once an engagement hits I think you should be. Lots of posts I have seen over the years where people waited till marriage and regretted it. You are taking a big risk here with him or any other guy to wait.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> I am a 28 year old Virgin, saving myself for marriage. I have made this my choice and going to wait as long as it takes, because its been a dream of me to get married, and remain and have sex after marriage.
> 
> But besides that, my Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year, since we first started talking, then dating, and became official, as in a relationship together, I told him I was a Virgin and saving myself until marriage. He understood and was respecting me, then.
> 
> ...



Sex should be NATURAL in a relationship! 

You have your boyfriend looking at porn and masturbating. All sexual experiences are imprinted and become part of who we are. You are imprinting sexuality onto your boyfriend that is very UNNATURAL!

In my opinion it is OK to save yourself for the person you intend to marry. The actual wedding date is just a mere formality. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

jerry123 said:


> I applaud you for wanting to wait till marriage to have sex....One of the worst things in selecting a mate for life is a bad sex partner.


I applaud your persistence, just realize it may lead to this:



Wolf1974 said:


> Lots of posts I have seen over the years where people waited till marriage and regretted it. You are taking a big risk here with him or any other guy to wait.


I think that you are ultimately setting yourself up for disappointment. You are expecting to marry the man of your dreams and have this wonderful life with incredible sex. 

What happens when you finally have sex and you find that it is not fulfilling, only feels okay sometimes, and is really messy? Then you wonder why you waited since it is not all it was cracked up to be anyway. Do you think your boyfriend (then husband) will be frustrated once he finds out that you may not be interested after waiting all this time?

Just playing the devils advocate.



jerry123 said:


> Me personally, I would not marry a women I have not had sex with. I may sound shallow but I'm honest.


Completely agree.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

nataly87 said:


> I am a 28 year old Virgin, saving myself for marriage. I have made this my choice and going to wait as long as it takes, because its been a dream of me to get married, and remain and have sex after marriage.
> 
> But besides that, my Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year, since we first started talking, then dating, and became official, as in a relationship together, I told him I was a Virgin and saving myself until marriage. He understood and was respecting me, then.
> 
> ...


Ahhh. Poor baby. He's sexually frustrated and wants in your pants.

Sorry. can't feel sorry for him. If you're worth waiting for, then accept that, be a man, not a man-boy.
Suck it up Bro. And stop whining. 

Hold your ground Nataly


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> I am a 28 year old Virgin, saving myself for marriage. I have made this my choice and going to wait as long as it takes, because its been a dream of me to get married, and remain and have sex after marriage.
> 
> But besides that, my Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year, since we first started talking, then dating, and became official, as in a relationship together, I told him I was a Virgin and saving myself until marriage. He understood and was respecting me, then.
> 
> ...


I was a virgin before committing to my wife and regret it to this day. I still have doubts about what I missed out on. I may never know. The regret can eat you alive. I actually agree with the poster that said to have sex with someone else, but for you that is even more of a leap and you are too committed to do that at this point. I think if he's held out a year now, he's demonstrated commitment. Why do you think you need some old guy in a court house (who is a stranger) to sign a piece of paper (which will probably get thrown in a file folder) to validate your commitment. That's bull. Only you can judge his commitment, and IMHO, he has shown you a LOT. And I certainly would not blame him for his natural desire to have sex with you. You should be thrilled because if he didn't have sexual desire toward you, that would be a red flag. To be quite honest, your self-control to not want to have sex until a point in time should be a big red flag to him. It could be that you are low desire (LD) and he is high desire (HD). This will easily wreck a marriage and you need to be as honest with him about that. But how can you know without being sexually active? Do you masturbate yourself at all? With/without him present? Do you want to have sex with him (and not to satisfy him, but because you have the urge to jump him)? If so, how do you suppress that? I ask, because my wife never masturbated and I think this may be an early sign of LD in women. 

You are avoiding one of the most (if not the most) important compatibility tests for a couple. Do this at your own peril.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

No man wants to be stuck with a low drive wife. And a 28 year old virgin who is capable of continuing to wait has a very low drive. Maybe marriage just isn't your thing?


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

What is your plan, is he the one? 

If he is are you thinking marriage will happen when? If that is a far off a couple years from now thing that is a long time. If it is 6 months in the future, not so much.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> No man wants to be stuck with a low drive wife. And a 28 year old virgin who is capable of continuing to wait has a very low drive. Maybe marriage just isn't your thing?


Well said. :toast:


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

Not really sure what to ad that hasn't already been said. Sexual incompatibility is a big problem for a lot of married couples and is responsible for a great many divorces. More importantly it is responsible for many years of misery in a great many marriages as well.

I don't want to over simplify and it certainly isn't my intention to make light the importance of physical intimacy, but you wouldn't buy a car without a test drive right. The car might look great and it may have all the options you want but what happens when you buy it and you find out you hate driving it because it just isn't for you? There you are stuck in a long term payment plan for a car you don't want.

Beyond that there is always the old sowing your wild oats issue. From what I have seen this seems to affect women more than men. Maybe its because men are generally more promiscuous in their youth, I don't know, But how many times do we see where someone in a couple starts getting curious about what they missed out on because they have only been with one person. It's only human nature to wonder, sex after all is the single strongest natural urge in the animal kingdom. Our urge to procreate drives all the rest of our natural responses and to go contrary to those urges isn't necessarily in your best interest.

Talk to anybody that "saved" themselves for marriage and find out if they regret it and I'm sure you'll find most do. I would even be willing to bet quite a few divorces could have been avoided as a result of not waiting. 

anyway, that's just my two cents.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> No man wants to be stuck with a low drive wife. And a 28 year old virgin who is capable of continuing to wait has a very low drive. Maybe marriage just isn't your thing?


This. I lived it with my ex wife. You should be having all kinds of great sex right now.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

jorgegene said:


> Ahhh. Poor baby. He's sexually frustrated and wants in your pants.
> 
> Sorry. can't feel sorry for him. If you're worth waiting for, then accept that, be a man, not a man-boy.
> Suck it up Bro. And stop whining.
> ...



Back to man-shaming again.

This seems to be the theme on this board.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

jorgegene said:


> Ahhh. Poor baby. He's sexually frustrated and wants in your pants.


Yeah, because that's all men are after and it's a woman's job to fight them off until she has them legally committed. This single sided view of sex and sex is something that women should ration out to their partner when he deserves it has lead to many failed marriages.



jorgegene said:


> Sorry. can't feel sorry for him. If you're worth waiting for, then accept that, be a man, not a man-boy.
> Suck it up Bro. And stop whining.
> 
> Hold your ground Nataly


If you read through this board you'll find a commonly occurring theme of couples who waited until after marriage and then discovered that they had no sexual compatibility or sexual connection and the lifetime of misery that follows.

I agree with @badsanta. Waiting for the one you want to marry is just fine, but going into a marriage thinking that sex life will just work is crazy.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

WonkyNinja said:


> Yeah, because that's all men are after and it's a woman's job to fight them off until she has them legally committed. This single sided view of sex and sex is something that women should ration out to their partner when he deserves it has lead to many failed marriages.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


More often, it was known well before marriage, and either ignored or hidden.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

If you are committed to no sex until marriage then stick to your guns. Honestly, your boyfriend probably thought he could handle it (or maybe he thought once you guys were together long enough he could convince you otherwise). If t his is truly what you want and your boyfriend can't accept this setup (which it sounds like you made clear from the start) then it sounds like you guys aren't compatible (probably good to see that now before you are actually married).

The fact that he may be relying heavily on porn to meet his needs, I don't really see that ending all that well for you two in the sex department, even if he is willing to wait until marriage.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
You have every right to wait for sex until you are married, BUT he has every right to decide that he doesn't want to stay in the relationship. 

The term "sex" means different things to different people. If you engage in lots of sexual activity with him (oral etc) except for vaginal penetration, that may be enough for many men - though not all. 

To me, learning about sexual compatibility is essential. If I were in a new relationship, I would be willing to wait for vaginal sex, but I would not stay in a relationship without a variety of other sexual activities.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Him knowing it and pressuring you for sex demonstrates he is valuing sex over your beliefs.

However, you waiting to be married first demonstrates you value your beliefs over sex.

What do you both think is going to happen once you get married? Is it going to be a sex-a-thon, or is it going to be business as usual? Have you discussed it?

Have you always wanted to wait for marriage since puberty? How many LTRs have you had, and how did you deal with this topic?


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> You have every right to wait for sex until you are married, BUT he has every right to decide that he doesn't want to stay in the relationship.
> 
> The term "sex" means different things to different people. If you engage in lots of sexual activity with him (oral etc) except for vaginal penetration, that may be enough for many men - though not all.
> ...


Yes, for me also...but I'm sure there are 1-3% of men who would wait. Lots of religious guys/gals do wait. 

Forgot to ask and not asked by anyone yet, I would assume he's at least gave you an orgasm through oral or fingers?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hairyhead (Oct 30, 2015)

We were both 23 when we met. I had lost my V when I was 18 and had several partners since. She was a Virgin but had plenty of other experience. She was saving herself for her husband.

I respected her plan and whilst did plenty of oral etc we didn't go all the way for over a year. I didn't pressure her but gradually she changed and eventually decided to take the step of giving up her V to me.

That was 27 years ago. We are married and still happy.

Despite her Christian beliefs she thinks sexual chemistry is paramount and unless you know each other inside out you take a risk of nor being compatible. 

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

jerry123 said:


> Yes, for me also...but I'm sure there are 1-3% of men who would wait. Lots of religious guys/gals do wait.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


While true, many marry in their very young 20s for this reason.

I would struggle to marry a 30 year old virgin.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

The issue that a number of people on this thread have brought up is sexual compatibility, and it's absolutely important, and vital to the health of a marriage etc. We DO see a lot of folks who married as virgins and turned out to be married to a repressed or LD spouse. Now you're in a relationship that you want to be forever, but with someone who doesn't need or want you sexually. 

But I did notice something else about your post. You say that remaining a virgin until marriage is extremely important to you. I totally respect that. But the issue isn't just that he is frustrated by the waiting, and wants to have sex before marriage, and is some disrespectful monster. It's that he is expressing to you that he finds this scenario isn't working for him, and that he wants to have sex. He's being honest with you. Just like you were honest with him when you said you wanted to wait until marriage. This may just be a case of you not being compatible.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Ridiculous to postpone sex for ~15+ years after puberty on arbitrary grounds. If they were both struggling mightily under this self-imposed ban, I'd see more hope, but the imbalance here is ominous: he's going out of his mind while she seems untroubled by waiting. This sets up a lousy gatekeeping/begging dynamic and probably masks LD on her part. The BF should not expect things to change much after the wedding, regardless of what is promised.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I think you should stop seeing this guy and get a boy friend who has the same feeling you do about this issue. If you don't you'll keep on havig the same problem.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

jb02157 said:


> I think you should stop seeing this guy and get a boy friend who has the same feeling you do about this issue. If you don't you'll keep on havig the same problem.


The challenge, her boyfriend seemed on board with this at first, so what is to say the same thing won't happen with the next one? I have no issues with her sticking to her beliefs on this, but as long as she understands the risk of not finding a guy who is willing to go along with.

Myself and others have expressed possible issues with waiting until marriage but really OP just needs to go with what she believes in.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

joannacroc said:


> The issue that a number of people on this thread have brought up is sexual compatibility, and it's absolutely important, and vital to the health of a marriage etc. We DO see a lot of folks who married as virgins and turned out to be married to a repressed or LD spouse


I always have trouble following this line of reasoning. After reading this board I have come to the conclusion that "sexual compatibility" is fleeting. I haven't counted, but it seems like for every "waited to have sex until after marriage, now sex isn't good" post there are at least 3 "had great sex before marriage, now sex isn't good" posts. It seems to be the same on just about every board that I lurk around. Women and men complaining that sex has tapered off, spouse is no longer interested in things that used to be regularly on the menu, spouse doesn't do things for me that (s)he did for past lovers, kids / jobs / stress killed sexual intimacy. 

It seems like people get so focused on good sex as a yardstick for marriage that they forget that marriage requires a deep commitment that can weather evolving sexual tastes and desires as life throws it's BS at us. When sex changes, tastes change, or becomes infrequent or disappointing then the whole marriage goes off of the rails. Most of us who have posted about sexual problems in our marriages fall into one of two categories. Our partner is either empathetic and makes an effort to meet our sexual needs because they understand how important it is, or they don't care if we're miserable.

My wife and I had sex before we got married. I don't think that it helped or hurt us, but good sex makes it easy to overlook a lot of other very important issues. I think that if people spent more time before marriage learning about the kind of person that they are considering marrying, reading boards like this one and talking through "what if that was us in 5 years?" then they would have a much better chance of being sexually satisfied when the changes start. And, not just sex. Money, religion, every section of this web site should be discussed in light of people's successes and failures.

Once the rings are exchanged, we need to stay focused on keeping communication going and the relationship flourishing, because complacency has a habit of creeping in. If someone is willing to discuss the issues before marriage, and periodically revisit them to tune up the marriage then I think that they'd have a better chance of having a happy marriage, complete with a satisfying sex life.

To the original poster, I don't have any easy answers for you. I would suggest that you need to be empathetic, and have open discussions. You have set your boundaries, and you need to stick with them if they are important to you. He gets to choose whether or not your goals are compatible with his, including when you choose to have sex. If they aren't then you should both be willing to look for a more compatible life partner. If you do choose to have sex with him now, for whatever reason, and then discover that he's not really great marriage material after all, will you stick it out and marry him just because you already had sex with him?

That said, you need to be very careful about how you manage this. BadSanta made a very important point. If you are both committed to this path, then masturbation, porn, and whatever else you are doing may just be making the situation worse. There are many articles on the web that talk about how porn use tends to make sexual issues worse, because instead of focusing on healthy parts of the relationship porn use keeps the sexual frustration front and center in the relationship and makes it worse. I don't think that the view that "Sex is a healthy and loving expression of love in marriage" is compatible with "use porn to get by until we get married". 

As BadSanta pointed out, porn isn't going to stop when you get married when you've already said that it's an okay substitute for having sex. Now imagine that this is your husband 10 years from now saying "hey, this looks like fun. Let's try it" or "our sex life is not working for me". Are you going to expect that he focus is sexual energy on porn and self gratification rather than bugging you, or encourage him come to his wife to have an honest discussion and find a mutual solution?


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

pplwatching said:


> I always have trouble following this line of reasoning. After reading this board I have come to the conclusion that "sexual compatibility" is fleeting. I haven't counted, but it seems like for every "waited to have sex until after marriage, now sex isn't good" post there are at least 3 "had great sex before marriage, now sex isn't good" posts. It seems to be the same on just about every board that I lurk around. Women and men complaining that sex has tapered off, spouse is no longer interested in things that used to be regularly on the menu, spouse doesn't do things for me that (s)he did for past lovers, kids / jobs / stress killed sexual intimacy.


I think the point being, if from the start you know you aren't sexually compatible then that could be a good indication to not move forward in the relationship. Of course sexual compatibility doesn't solely determine a healthy marriage, but can definitely serve as a big obstacle if things aren't even clicking from the onset.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

EllisRedding said:


> I think the point being, if from the start you know you aren't sexually compatible then that could be a good indication to not move forward in the relationship. Of course sexual compatibility doesn't solely determine a healthy marriage, but can definitely serve as a big obstacle if things aren't even clicking from the onset.


I disagree. I think "discovering sexual compatibility" is deceptive. I suppose if a person knows that they want a D/S kind marriage, can't live with or without a particular sex act, then "sexual compatibility" might mean something. In general, I think that sexual compatibility grows out of the love relationship and each person striving to meet the other's needs. Everything else is a crap shoot. Sex drives change, people tolerate or do things that they don't really enjoy during courtship because they want to make a good impression, people stop trying after marriage, and so on.

IMHO people would be better served discovering other things about a potential spouse. Whether or not they are good in bed seems to lead to short term satisfaction in most cases, if the posts here and on other boards are any indication. Just my opinion.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

pplwatching said:


> I disagree. I think "discovering sexual compatibility" is deceptive. I suppose if a person knows that they want a D/S kind marriage, can't live with or without a particular sex act, then "sexual compatibility" might mean something. In general, I think that sexual compatibility grows out of the love relationship and each person striving to meet the other's needs. Everything else is a crap shoot. Sex drives change, people tolerate or do things that they don't really enjoy during courtship because they want to make a good impression, people stop trying after marriage, and so on.
> 
> IMHO people would be better served discovering other things about a potential spouse. Whether or not they are good in bed seems to lead to short term satisfaction in most cases, if the posts here and on other boards are any indication. Just my opinion.


I agree that sexual compatibility can grow (or shrink lol), but if from the start you and your partner are way off in that department, then that is something additional to factor in when deciding whether or not to pursue the relationship. No one is saying it should be the only factor, but one of many things to consider. Can't hurt having too much info before making a decision about whether or not to spend the rest of your life with someone.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

pplwatching said:


> I always have trouble following this line of reasoning. After reading this board I have come to the conclusion that "sexual compatibility" is fleeting. I haven't counted, but it seems like for every "waited to have sex until after marriage, now sex isn't good" post there are at least 3 "had great sex before marriage, now sex isn't good" posts. It seems to be the same on just about every board that I lurk around. Women and men complaining that sex has tapered off, spouse is no longer interested in things that used to be regularly on the menu, spouse doesn't do things for me that (s)he did for past lovers, kids / jobs / stress killed sexual intimacy.


I agree. Almost everyone is sexually compatible for the first six months of a relationship. Sure, there are some things you'll find out. I don't favor waiting until marriage, but it's not like having sex before marriage has solved any problems in the last 40 years.

I'd focus on how much each partner cares about the other's happiness. If this is the case, then they'll wok with each other to have a good sex life.

That's my #1 piece of advice I give my kids. "Find someone who is genuinely concerned about your happiness".


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

pplwatching said:


> In general, I think that sexual compatibility grows out of the love relationship and each person striving to meet the other's needs.


 I tend to agree with this. However, someone that won't have sex with you is demonstrating a lack of commitment. They are committed to a perceived societal expectation more than they are committed to their prospective partner. In the early part of a relationship, signs like this are a red flag. Few things demonstrate your commitment like sex.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> I am a *28 year old Virgin*, saving myself for marriage.
> 
> My Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year
> 
> So again it just comes back to him, as of lately, always bringing up how he wants sex. *What should I do?*


You know what! I think all of us could look at abstinence-only education as a blessing in disguise.










Ladder sales are booming and that creates jobs! I imagine as part of this presentation the lady climbs up the shaky ladder and demonstrates how you can really fall and get hurt once you reach "this is not a step" on the ladder. 

Badsanta

PS: It is also a bit sexist since right outside the school that day during recess you have some man doing this to the lights on the playground. Really sends children a mixed message that it is OK for men to climb ladders but not women!!!!!!


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

wantshelp said:


> I tend to agree with this. However, someone that won't have sex with you is demonstrating a lack of commitment. They are committed to a perceived societal expectation more than they are committed to their prospective partner. In the early part of a relationship, signs like this are a red flag. Few things demonstrate your commitment like sex.


One could argue that few things demonstrate commitment these days like respecting a potential life partner's wishes when society and biology screaming otherwise. I think that hooking up, FBs, FWBs, and any other form of disposable sexual relationship are en vogue because in general people don't believe that sex implies commitment (or don't want it to). Having personal beliefs about sex in spite of these societal expectations doesn't mean that she doesn't care about her beau. Respecting her personal beliefs says everything about his commitment to her. The question would seem to be, "what is the middle ground in which each person feels respected".


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
sexual compatibility is about more than kink, though that can be important. 

I happen to think that a good sex life is when each person goes out of their way to try to please the other, even if it is doing something that they don't particularly enjoy. 

Other people think that your sex life should consist only of things that you both enjoy and that neither should do something they don't like just to please the other. 

Both are reasonable viewpoints and something you could notice fairly early in a a sexual relationship. They are not very compatible. 






pplwatching said:


> I disagree. I think "discovering sexual compatibility" is deceptive. I suppose if a person knows that they want a D/S kind marriage, can't live with or without a particular sex act, then "sexual compatibility" might mean something. In general, I think that sexual compatibility grows out of the love relationship and each person striving to meet the other's needs. Everything else is a crap shoot. Sex drives change, people tolerate or do things that they don't really enjoy during courtship because they want to make a good impression, people stop trying after marriage, and so on.
> 
> IMHO people would be better served discovering other things about a potential spouse. Whether or not they are good in bed seems to lead to short term satisfaction in most cases, if the posts here and on other boards are any indication. Just my opinion.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Why do you want to wait till your married? Is it for religious reasons? Or is it just because it's been a dream of yours?
My husband and I waited till we got married to have sex bc of religious reasons. I have never regretted it a day in my life.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> Why do you want to wait till your married? Is it for religious reasons? Or is it just because it's been a dream of yours?
> My husband and I waited till we got married to have sex bc of religious reasons. I have never regretted it a day in my life.


Did you both wait till you were close to 30 or even older than that?


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I got married a month after I turned 25


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I understand waiting for religious reason. I don't understand waiting for any other reason to be honest.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> I got married a month after I turned 25


Which seems perfectly reasonable to me, that said being left on the shelf till one is almost 30 and or older while remaining a virgin is a big relationship red flag.

Marriage is a big deal, any man who wouldn't balk at nataly87's approach at her age is a fool.

One of my wife's close friends is a single Catholic woman that has never been married, who is now in her 40's and remains a virgin for religious reasons.

When she was in her twenties she was engaged twice yet it never worked out in the end. So today she is still looking for a man yet she gets nowhere, because who wants to continue to date a sexually stunted person who is still a virgin in her 40's?

P.S. I'm glad you're happy with your marriage.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I see a few want to shame you for having standards and sticking to it. Personally I think that it's beautiful that you want to wait until you're married. Sharing that part of yourself with only a man that totally commits himself to only you will be beautiful and the husband will consider himself blessed. 

My concern with your current boyfriend is that he doesn't seem to respect your desire to wait. With him trying to guilt you with the fact that he's turning to porn, makes me think he's not really into you but only in taking your virginity. Some here may deny it but the fact that you're untouched, makes you very desirable to most men, including some men who won't value what you're giving up once they've taken it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

jsmart said:


> Some here may deny it but the fact that you're untouched, makes you very desirable to most men, including some men who won't value what you're giving up once they've taken it.


Not by most in the secular world I live in! Virginity certainly isn't special to me, to the point that I have easily turned down explicit offers of virginity before.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

I am waiting to have sexual intercourse until marriage, because its been a dream of mine. I never had an age range in mind when to get married, just if it happened at this time and this age so be it. I wanted for me and whoever I was with at the time to be stable in our lives, finish college, have jobs, cars, own place, moved in together, etc. THEN get married.

As of currently I don't work, don't go to college, have a driver's license but don't drive, and live at home with my parents. My Boyfriend lives at home with his parents, works, goes to school, has a driver's license and drives, and has his own place, a guest house on his parents land. He hasn't asked me to marry him because, he wants us to work together as a team, in a business type of sense, and he needs to save up for a ring, to buy us our own place, etc.

Counting this relationship, I have been in 4, and 2 engagements. In my past relationships those guys, respected my choice with wanting to wait, and never brought up if they were sexually frustrated. They were happy with what sexual activity we did do, and that was that. I have done other sexual activity, including some BDSM and my exs par-took in that as well and were all happy with what we did.

I am still saving and waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse. I will have sexual intercourse on the honeymoon night.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

I'm going with bridge-under-dweller on this one.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'm trying to wrap my head around the difference between premarital BDSM and premarital intercourse from a religious point of view.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

john117 said:


> I'm trying to wrap my head around the difference between premarital BDSM and premarital intercourse from a religious point of view.



Hypocrisy and lunacy come to mind.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> I am a 28 year old Virgin, saving myself for marriage. I have made this my choice and going to wait as long as it takes, because its been a dream of me to get married, and remain and have sex after marriage.
> 
> But besides that, my Boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year, since we first started talking, then dating, and became official, as in a relationship together, I told him I was a Virgin and saving myself until marriage. He understood and was respecting me, then.
> 
> ...


Stop stoking the fire by being alone together and making out or watching porn together.

I would have a hard time not ripping your clothes off in those situations.

Masturbation is fine to take care of things but should not be done together.

He isn't on your page. It isn't just a guy thing to push.

I have always respected boundaries from women.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting to have sexual intercourse until marriage, because its been a dream of mine. I never had an age range in mind when to get married, just if it happened at this time and this age so be it. I wanted for me and whoever I was with at the time to be stable in our lives, finish college, have jobs, cars, own place, moved in together, etc. THEN get married.
> 
> As of currently I don't work, don't go to college, have a driver's license but don't drive, and live at home with my parents. My Boyfriend lives at home with his parents, works, goes to school, has a driver's license and drives, and has his own place, a guest house on his parents land. He hasn't asked me to marry him because, he wants us to work together as a team, in a business type of sense, and he needs to save up for a ring, to buy us our own place, etc.
> 
> ...


Oh boy...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

john117 said:


> I'm trying to wrap my head around the difference between premarital BDSM and premarital intercourse from a religious point of view.


Yea, I kind of agree. Not really sure what OP meant by BDSM but if it means BJs, anal, or sliding over, without entering, then I'm think that she might as well just have sex.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

BDSM - Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism

I am into kinky, bondage things, from me getting tied up and gagged, then messed with like groped, spanked, etc. I am into this type of sexual context, than sexual intercourse, but plan to still remain a Virgin until marriage, where I will then have sexual intercourse on my honeymoon night.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

don't work or go to school,have a drivers license but don't drive. and your 27yrs old 

hmm. what are you doing to better yourself beside saving your virginity for marriage? 

this guy must be the ultimate nice guy.

I'd be running for the hills like forest .


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
that is all good fun and it sounds like you enjoy a very active sex life. 

Be careful not to set yourself up for disappointment. Vaginal sex is not the ultimate perfect thing. Its great but many women enjoy other sexual activities just as much. 




nataly87 said:


> BDSM - Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism
> 
> I am into kinky, bondage things, from me getting tied up and gagged, then messed with like groped, spanked, etc. I am into this type of sexual context, than sexual intercourse, but plan to still remain a Virgin until marriage, where I will then have sexual intercourse on my honeymoon night.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

nataly87 said:


> I wanted for me and whoever I was with at the time to be stable in our lives, finish college, have jobs, cars, own place, moved in together, etc. THEN get married.
> 
> I am still saving and waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse. I will have sexual intercourse on the honeymoon night.





nataly87 said:


> I am into kinky, bondage things, from me getting tied up and gagged, then messed with like groped, spanked, etc. I am into this type of sexual context, than sexual intercourse, but plan to still remain a Virgin until marriage, where I will then have sexual intercourse on my honeymoon night.


OK, this at least sounds like you are having fun...

Carry on!


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

nataly87 said:


> I am waiting to have sexual intercourse until marriage, because its been a dream of mine.


Well shoot. You've convinced me. It sounds like ya'll have a very sexual relationship and it really sounds like you are saving PIV because that is what you want, not because you are trying to meet some social expectation. I think that is a-ok. And getting to your original question, I still think that you should be happy and flattered that he wants to have PIV sex with you. Don't let it bother you, it's natural. 

Just don't expect your first PIV experience to feel great... women should chime in on this point, but my understanding is that it can sometimes be painful, this is unless the gyno already broke the hymen during a routine exam assuming you were sexually active... But I am out of my element on that stuff...


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

john117 said:


> I'm trying to wrap my head around the difference between premarital BDSM and premarital intercourse from a religious point of view.


I'm glad I'm not the only one!


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Wolf1974 said:


> My personal opinion is waiting till after marriage is a big mistake. Sexual compatibility is huge for a marriage you you put the cart before the horse this way. I'm not saying you need to jump the guy this second but once an engagement hits I think you should be. Lots of posts I have seen over the years where people waited till marriage and regretted it. You are taking a big risk here with him or any other guy to wait.


I couldn't agree more with this post.

There is NO good reason to wait for marriage to have sex. To do so is an illogical, outdated concept and is just such a bad idea on so many levels that have already been suggested by posters such as the one I quoted above.

Just freaking lose the whole "wait to have sex before marriage" idea or live to regret it. 

You'll lose this guy and you'll lose the opportunity to gain a great deal of experience and perspective, and you'll gain nothing in return.

If nothing else, consider this, on a personal note:

The guy you will eventually marry won't be a virgin, that much is almost guaranteed.

If that's not enough, consider this.

I'm a great guy, when I'm single and actively dating, women can't get enough of me and I've broken many hearts. I'm a good catch, I have a lot to offer, and women know it.

If I met you, and liked everything about you, the whole "wait til marriage for sex" thing would be an immediate dealbreaker.

Primarily because I'm never getting married again.

Do you really want to lose opportunities with great guys like me?

didn't think so


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I'm still struggling how my life would have gone if I would have gotten really experienced in tying up, gagging, and spanking girls before I ever put my penis in one.

And calling myself a virgin.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

How about women who say they want to be a "vaginal virgin" until marriage but they won't think twice about taking it up the ass?

Logic escapes me there but I've had past occasions to gladly oblige with every spare inch.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Mclane said:


> How about women who say they want to be a "vaginal virgin" until marriage but they won't think twice about taking it up the ass?
> 
> Logic escapes me there but I've had past occasions to gladly oblige with every spare inch.


That's known as the poop hole loop hole.


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## theb4ssplayer (Apr 28, 2016)

My recommendation would be to make sure you are on the same page before you get married. If you tell him and he backs off and respects you he's a good catch. If not, and he keeps pushing then you are probably incompatible. 

I have experience in a similar, though not exactly the same, situation. It created a plethora of issues. 

Whether or not you should wait for marriage is another question - I encourage you in this - but either way, you need to be on the same page or there will be strife. And it won't end when you get married.


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

Mclane said:


> I couldn't agree more with this post.
> 
> There is NO good reason to wait for marriage to have sex. To do so is an illogical, outdated concept and is just such a bad idea on so many levels that have already been suggested by posters such as the one I quoted above.


Waited until marriage and I would do it over and over again. There are many good reasons, but the most important for me was my conscience. I believe there is an emotional bond created with the person you have sex with, and I was happy to unravel this mystery after I was married. And so far, I have not regretted, why I did not taste before. Not sure if my hubby secretly regrets! 

And there is no guarantee that if people taste, they wont divorce, In fact, some have divorced because they had sex before, and they can't trust one another. The only problem I have with @nataly87 is that she is putting herself in compromising situations.... which guy wouldn't want to have sex with a girl she is in love with when they are watching porn, doing all sorts of this in private! Why start a fire, if you can't put it out?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Annette Tush said:


> Waited until marriage and I would do it over and over again. There are many good reasons, but the most important for me was my conscience. I believe there is an emotional bond created with the person you have sex with, and I was happy to unravel this mystery after I was married. And so far, I have not regretted, why I did not taste before. Not sure if my hubby secretly regrets!
> 
> 
> 
> And there is no guarantee that if people taste, they wont divorce, In fact, some have divorced because they had sex before, and they can't trust one another. The only problem I have with @nataly87 is that she is putting herself in compromising situations.... which guy wouldn't want to have sex with a girl she is in love with when they are watching porn, doing all sorts of this in private! Why start a fire, if you can't put it out?




Were you 30?


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Were you 30?


lol @ 30. Close


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

My first boyfriend was from Spain, I was 18 he was 25. He taught me a lot a things in the bedroom!! Unfortunately because of his Latin temper tantrums it ended. But when I met my husband 2 years later he was real impressed with my skills as a lover! You're using your virginity as a power over men, hence the BDSM. You're d teasing this guy, giving him mixed messages. Poor guy. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Annette Tush said:


> I believe there is an emotional bond created with the person you have sex with


Yes, of course there is, assuming it's not meaningless casual sex. But it's completely irrelevant to the topic of sex before marriage. People can have emotional bonds with more than one person, although preferably not at the same time.




Annette Tush said:


> In fact, some have divorced because they had sex before, and they can't trust one another.


"People divorce because they had sex before so they can't trust each other".

This could be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on this forum.

And I've read lots.


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## Annette Tush (May 4, 2016)

Mclane said:


> Yes, of course there is, assuming it's not meaningless casual sex. But it's completely irrelevant to the topic of sex before marriage. People can have emotional bonds with more than one person, although preferably not at the same time.


Is it irrelevant really? Some people like me prefer to have one emotional bond, in sexuality matters if at all possible. 




Mclane said:


> "People divorce because they had sex before so they can't trust each other".
> 
> This could be one of the most ridiculous things I have ever read on this forum.
> 
> And I've read lots.


 It could be ridiculous but there is some truth in it... Just like I read on this very thread that not having sex before marriage leads to divorce. While that might be true for some individuals, the reverse is also true:frown2:


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Well good luck to you OP.

I do not know where to find it, but do recall a study which suggested that those who wait until they marry are less likely to get divorced. Make of that what you will.

FWIW, DW is my one and only, coming up to 40 years now, and it has been wonderful for me. It makes it very special for me.


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## nataly87 (Apr 29, 2016)

I am still going to be saving myself for marriage, its what I want and want to do and the guy I find will respect me and do what I want if he truly loves and cares for me.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Ah, I remember that sentiment. Right down to the exact quote.

Thus started a 3 decade long struggle to manage the unbridgeable gulf that was our sexual incompatibility. Which has until now and never will be fixable in any real sense of the word.

Perhaps you can never know that you won't one day be sexually incompatible. But you very much should figure out the answer to if you are even compatible TODAY, by whatever means you find morally acceptable. Because if the answer is no, it does not get better. IF you boyfriend respects your wishes and you get married, you damned well better work your butt off to make it worth the trust he put in your willingness to be a good sex partner, sight unseen.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

^^ Great first post. Too bad it's wasted on a person who is not in a position to understand and acknowledge what should be obvious.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Mclane said:


> ^^ Great first post. Too bad it's wasted on a person who is not in a position to understand and acknowledge what should be obvious.


The school of hard knocks is a better teacher than any stranger on the internet will ever be.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

nataly87 said:


> I am still going to be saving myself for marriage, its what I want and want to do and the guy I find will respect me and do what I want if he truly loves and cares for me.


If you're getting married then it should be do what *we* want if *we* truly love and care for *each other*.

When you take the stand that he will follow your rules if he loves and cares for you then you also need to make sure that you are finding a partner with the same values. The fact that your partner doesn't share your values is a big problem before you've even started. 

Love and Sex should be a mutual thing and not dictated by one partner or, even worse, used as some kind of reward for when he follows your rules.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

Festivus said:


> The school of hard knocks is a better teacher than any stranger on the internet will ever be.


It's a school we'd rather avoid therefore we ask for advice from internet strangers. Unfortunately advice is much easier to ask for and receive than to actually follow.


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