# ? about the thermostat thread...



## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

I read through it (yes, all the way!) and one poster had mentioned the 180 switch, and was corrected that we are supposed to cool off not turn all the way off (as a 180 would indicate). How do you accomplish this simply cooling off with all the built up resentment inside from years of being rejected and trying to fix things only to hit a wall? I feel like turning it all the way off like he has done to me so many times.

So, do I understand this correctly if my husband avoids me and does not say goodbye or have a nice day or anything in the morning on his way out to work, I match that? So when I didnt go find him to say goodbye, I did the right thing?

Im sorry for this seemingly simple ?, but its so counterintuitive to how Im wired... warm fuzzy, kiss goodbye...

I have resisted the urge to send a nice txt saying have a nice day... ugh. Im not going to want him after all this game playing. Do other "hots/warms" out there feel turned off by this? Do any female hots have success stories with this method?

Please let me know, because this is literally our last hope for a marriage. Thanks!

After reading this thread, Im beginning to wonder if the therapist only thought he had Borderline Personality bc of his actions/intentions, but its really just as simple as this (bc it almost looks the same on paper)! That would be amazing


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Update... Im :scratchhead: and saying WTF? I ignore him and he just sent me 2 txts... attempting to be nice, somewhat. I dont get it... Im wired like a guy, I want what i want and make no secret of it, if it doesnt want me back after enough tries... I dont want it. Fairly simple unless you are married to the opposite... I dont like games, drama.... is there an icon for pulling hair out?

Guys, please help me understand... or maybe I should be asking the ladies bc my husband acts more like a woman than a man.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Keep it up. 

It seems so strange to you and game playing because your the hot one in the relationship. But keep it up. It may take some time and you will feel like you aren't getting anywhere, but soon you will have him sending you texts like that all day.

Remember, this stuff takes time. Especially if you are trying to relearn how you normally act.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

alphaomega said:


> Keep it up.
> 
> It seems so strange to you and game playing because your the hot one in the relationship. But keep it up. It may take some time and you will feel like you aren't getting anywhere, but soon you will have him sending you texts like that all day.
> 
> ...


Thanks for the support! After I posted here I cried and then went for an hour jog. Im all mixed up about this. Why does he only want me when I dont want him?

How do other hots who have shut down from resentment heat back up after this? 

Can I choose to not respond to any of his contacts? I am that mad after last night trying to get him to go to marriage counselling and him saying it was conditional on NOT talking about sex... he said he would walk out.  Then he didnt say good morning, goodbye... nothing until those 2 txts.


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