# I need help



## wontgiveup (Jan 6, 2010)

My Husband left me 6 weeks ago and although he threatened it so many times before and i cried and screamed this time i did not so he went. Now after 5weeks and some nasty text mesages from him I have made contact as I still love him and would like our marriage to work. He says he loves me and will never be with anyone else but we cant seem to talk without fighting. We just keep going over the past arguements again and again. He is angry i let him leave im angry he left and has only seen our 10 year old daughter once in all that time. The whole problem started was when i had my hystorictomy and lost my sex drive it took a long time to get the right HRT to sort me out by this time he had decided i didnt find him attractive anymore.I have tried to show him and tell him i do but he wont believe me. If i go out with my friends and have makeup on it cases a fight but he goes out with his. He thinks i should put makeup on to sit in with him. When he tells me he feels i dont care about him if i dont do it. I feel it is a demand now and it is an issue. We try to talk but just go over the same stuff again and again. I want to fix this but dont know how to put the past behind me. im willing to go to counselling but he wont. Any ideas this is just the tip of a large iceburgh that is sinking our ship. Help please


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sorry you and the husband are fighting. This needs to get resolved and both of you find peace--for the sake of your child. Apparently, there is way more going on here than whether to put on make up and sit at home. I know everyone probably gets really tired of me recommending a certain book, but I'm going to do so again. You and your husband could really benefit from reading "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Both of you need to recognize each others "love language" and go from there--make each other feel truly loved and cherished. Also, just because your spouse is unwilling to go to counseling, don't let that stop you. Go alone and always leave the door open to him. Work on improving things for you!

Best wishes in 2010!


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Yea, break the cycle. Stop redoing the same arguments.
Start counseling yourself but try to settle him down enough to get his commitment to go with you. Not many have the skills to resolve all this alone and that seems pretty clear here. If you get counseling go yourself maybe you can first figure out how ot to trigger anger in him.
I am suspsicious of the jealousy thing. (worrying about you looking pretty when you go out)

Hope you work it out.


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