# No longer in love - not sure if I ever was!!!



## crawfoml1 (Jan 27, 2012)

Ok, I am 36 my husband is 39. I do not enjoy sex with my husband. I never have. We have been married for 13 years. I was 20 yrs old when we met, already had a child. We met online and I was emotionally In Love with him. I had a pretty unstable upbringing and he know this. I was always a very sexual person. We talked online, sent letters, talked on the phone for months and we finally met. He drove to my town to meet me and the plan was to go back with him. 

My daughters father gave me a good bit of money to go away so i did. I rented a uhaul and went to his state. No job, no place to live and had a child. I must have been nuts!! We had sex the day he came and I did not feel the sexual connection at that time. I figured it was just the pressure we put on our selves. 

Well, things in the bedroom never got better for me or him. We used to always argue about it. I alwys thought it was me even though I used to love sex. I figured that would get better overtime, it never did. I just keep telling my self it would. 

Needless to say, a year after I got here, I got pregnant. He asked me to marry him and I said no at first. I wanted to marry him because of love not a child. Well that is what I did. After we had our son, I said yes. I should have never done that. 

Now dont get me wrong, I do love him very much. He is a wonderful person but I have never been "IN LOVE" with him. Not like a wife should love her husband. I thought I did but no!! I really belive I said yes because the thought of raising two kids on m own scared me. 

He is a wonderful person, a great father and good provider. I should love him but I dont. I have tried but I love him as the father of my son and as a good friend!!

We have been through hell and back in our relationship, ups and downs. One day, about 6 months ago, I pushed his hand away from me while he was trying to touch me. I didnt mean to do it, it was instictive. That was a huge wake up call for me. 

I no longer want him to touch me at all. It got to the point where we would only have sex one a month if not longer. Then tried to schedule it for once every two weeks. I dreaded that day. I feel so horrible that I have cheated him out of a woman that wants him body and soul. I am seeking a divorce soon but he does not want it. He wants me to stay until my son is graduated from high school. That is 4.5 yrs from now. I dont think that is the best solution. I really belive he is saying that so I will stay and he can change my mind. 

My mind is made up and I want a divorce. I no longer want to be in the same house. We sleep in seperate rooms now because I do not want to giver him the wrong idea!

I belive it is not fair of me to stay in this marrige and not have sex with him. I t is not fair to him or me. I can not live like this amymore. There is so much more to this story but it all will not fit! Any advice would be wonderful!!


----------



## Flounder (Jan 30, 2012)

Your story and my story are a lot the same. I hate having sex with him. When I was in nursing school, we had scheduled sex. Every Monday and Thursday. I think that is a bit excessive, but he said that was what it normal for married couples. I would rather have broken my femur than to put out. My kids are young too, but I don't think I can wait for them to graduate. We sleep in the same bed, but I try to make sure I am asleep before he even gets into bed, just to maybe save me. If I'm not sleeping, i will pretend. The sex has never been what I wanted it to be. I want passionate sex. Not just a "hurry up and get it done" kind of sex. But even if he were to be passionate now, I dont think I would be interested. Its been too long and my desires of anything are gone with him. I think.


----------



## crawfoml1 (Jan 27, 2012)

So what are you doing about it?


----------

