# Issue with Role Playing



## ABitTooMuch (Feb 19, 2012)

Hi Everyone, I'd just like a bit of input on something that happened last night.

To start, my wife and I have been married for about 13 years and have a pretty good sex life. Maybe 3 or 4 times a week. We've always been pretty good with each others fantasies and are happy to help each other in living them out.

One thing my wife likes to do is a bit of roleplay, we've done it a few times and it can be fun. Usually more for her, but that's the point if it's her fantasy. You know, the quarterback/cheerleader, teacher/student, master/slave kind of thing. So, anyway. She died her hair last night and when getting ready for bed I commented that she looked like a different woman. She smiled at that and I guess thought that I was starting a role play game where I'm cheating on my wife. So she undresses and climbs into bad and says "Hi, I'm <insert random not my wifes name here>" I kinda killed the mood here because I told her she looks great and I like role playing but not I'm "me" and she's someone else, or she's "her" and I'm a different man. I'm uncomfortable with cheating fantasy and told her that, if she's going to be a different woman, then I'd feel better acting the part as a different man as well. I guess what I'm worried about is while she's pretending I'm someone else she's say something I won't be happy with. Like "Oh, you're so much better than my lousy husband" or something like that.

She did get a bit upset about this, she said she understood my point but she said I'm acting like I think she would really cheat on me, and not just something we keep in the bedroom between ourselves. She's thinking that I don't trust her.

We still ended up making love last night, but she understandably wasn't as into it as before I opened my mouth. She said she thinks we should put off role play until we has a discussion on what each other felt comfortable with. I agreed, but I'm not sure she's going to want that talk. She sometimes avoids these things and I now a bit worried she'll be reluctant to share future fantasies with me. It took her a long time to tell me as much as she has.

Anyway, hope to talk to her today about it. Not sure what advice I'm looking for. Maybe just some advice on how to approach this without making things worse.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

My wife once wore a wig to bed to have a little fun and spice things up.
I figure she thought I`d like fantasizing about another woman.

The hair change reminded me of an ex girlfriend, it`s the only time I ever had another woman on my mind during sex with my wife.

The session wasn`t so good because of this and she`s never done it again.

However I never mentioned a thing about what was on my mind.
She was trying to have a little fun and I knew when to keep my mouth shut.

Indulge her fantasies and she`ll have no reason to seek them out elsewhere.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Just tell her one of your role play boundaries that you won't cross - is the playing at being cheaters. Not because you're afraid of her or you doing it, but because there isn't any turn on - and only turn off - there for you.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

for the record it wouldnt bother me if my wife did that. i would be happy she was interested in changing things up, it would show me she has some sort of sexually driven fantasy.

but you and i are in different places. i am more desperate as we dont come close to the frequency you have. you have already grown accustomed to roleplay sex, i cant even get pity sex.

if your uncomfortable, you just are. she has crossed your boundry. i think she should respect that, everyone has boundries and nobody should expect people to cross them.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

great minds shaggy


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

relax and enjoy. Don't let reality creep into fantasy. Thats what fantasy is for.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

i have had 1 rp session going along doing what we had a few times before then something was said during that i couldnt get out of my head and ended up going soft just a couple minutes later. just couldnt get back into it again.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

ABitTooMuch said:


> Anyway, hope to talk to her today about it. Not sure what advice I'm looking for. Maybe just some advice on how to approach this without making things worse.


Just be honest about it - tell her that you really enjoy role playing with her, but that you've found that there are areas that are not comfortable and not a turn on to you - and one of them is the cheater scenario. Try and discuss frankly where each of your boundaries are in the area of role playing.

You are not alone - I wouldn't be able to get in to that kind of scenario either. 

Best wishes.


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## ABitTooMuch (Feb 19, 2012)

Thanks everyone. Sometimes it's nice to have people to bounce idea's off of that aren't close to our relationship (I couldn't imaging talking to family or most friends about this). Of course not everything that we try in bed works, we keep what does and throw out what doesn't. This is just one of the few times she's gotten upset about something in bed so I want to deal with it properly before it becomes an issue.


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