# Need to be stronger



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

EDIT: Thread is old, let it die thanks

As some of you know, I've gone a little bonkers today. Yes I deleted my bonker threads, forgive me, but they are quite embarrassing... even for a forum! I've put myself back together - thanks guys for your help during my venting/psycho fit, but I've come to realise I'm not as hardened as I thought I was, there are still ways to get at me and make me go bonkers, and the feeling of loss is more real than I thought. Never thought I would miss my STBX this much, never thought I could share my daughter's pain in wanting us to be a family again.

I need to be stronger for my daughter, how can I be? How can I detach myself from my daughter's pain? It's becoming apparent that it's not possible to harden to the point of apathy, and as AlphaOmega mentioned, it's not the best way to set an example for my daughter... guess that hit me. So ok...

I'm all ears, how do I deal with this?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

The answer lies not in becoming stronger but embracing the loss and pain. FEEL the pain. The only way is through it.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

*sigh* You're right... the more I fight it, the harder it is and the bigger I explode eh? It's evident, I couldn't believe how crazy and emotionally nuts I was today, more nuts than if I just let the pain run its course

I'll be stronger on the other side yes? Hell I don't know

Thanks Mavash


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

There is a concept called the training of a broken heart. I totally believe it. In my own life and in the lives of people I've successfully helped the more they fought pain the more it clung to them. I encouraged them to just FEEL the pain. Just sit with it. Don't medicate it. Don't eat it. Don't drink it. Just embrace it. It will hurt like hell. You might not be able to breathe but RD I promise it won't kill you.

And on the other side isn't strength it's peace. 

Again I've been where you are so I know what I speak of.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> And on the other side isn't strength it's peace.


=/

So how do I regain my strength?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Define strength.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Not going bonkers for example, and saying crap like castrating myself


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'll give you a metaphor. If I want to be stronger physically I must endure PAIN as I push my body hard to do say one more crunch, one more jump, one more anything...

To be stronger emotionally is a similar concept. I must endure PAIN. And that means not trying to make it go away, not looking for some short cut, etc. Feel free to SAY all the crap you want just don't act on it. Self regulation is key.

If you can learn to sit with the pain without pushing it away you will become stronger. The training of a broken heart. What happens is once you've done it you realize it passes. It always passes. No matter how crazy you feel today at some point it does end. It's when we try to make it end NOW that we get into trouble.

Sit with the pain. Invite it to tea and have a conversation with it. Find out what it wants and needs. Sounds silly but I swear it works. Learn to love yourself instead of expecting someone else to do it for you.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

Hi RandomDude
I would consider defining yourself by 5 or more solid principles, for example:

1) Never hurt or be rude to anyone including myself.
2) I always say thanks and please, hello and good bye even if the other person is rude first. It shows my "Strength" of education, good upbrinding and respect for myself (through my interaction with others).
3) I know that irritation, stress, depression are moods which will come and go. I know running, going to the gym and other methods to jolt my mind out of that whilst gaining other beneifts (lean muscle). Because I know that as a fact I can employ them when I choose.
4) What I start to do I try to do to my best of abilities, if it goes wrong or needs abandoning it wasn't from lack of effort or proper intention.
5) I enjoy responsiblities, challenges and self-criticism. I enjoy it and hence I am not hurt/offended/scared by it, so bring it on!

You can define these as you wish, these are just an example. From this you can refer back to them when you feel you a starting to "loose it" or life is against you. It is like we are defining ourselves with a plan which will work in all seasons.

Good luck!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah, you're right, reminds me of the old code I used to have, build strength through hardship was one of my principles I wrote down, my own personal moral code, I was 16 at that time. Funny really, I didn't even understand my own code back then, almost like the spirits tried to instill some wisdom in me back then but I had no idea

Instead I considered strength hardening the fk up and moving on despite the pain. Guess that doesn't work too well if one doesn't face the music.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Ok... well principles, I had this code, I can't remember all of it but it went something like this:

- Build strength through hardship
- Never betray trust
- Never forgive those who have betrayed
- Never wait for miracles
- Never show weakness

The rest I forgot, obviously some principles were changed, such as the issue with forgiveness, my STBX taught me that forgiveness is for the sake of my own peace, doesn't mean I have to forget

I was very young when I had those principles, looks like I have to re-evaluate my own personal code now that I'm nearing my 30s


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah, you're right, reminds me of the old code I used to have, build strength through hardship was one of my principles I wrote down, my own personal moral code, I was 16 at that time. Funny really, I didn't even understand my own code back then, almost like the spirits tried to instill some wisdom in me back then but I had no idea
> 
> Instead I considered strength hardening the fk up and moving on despite the pain. Guess that doesn't work too well if one doesn't face the music.


It's weird, some of the conclusion I had when I was 15 or 16 still stand today, but yet I had far less life experience. I think there is a lot going on, relationship wise, at that age and we learn quickly.

I don't think I need to be emotionally hard or physically tougher than I am. I think I need to have a set of principles which help me cut through life's cr^p and communicate to others that I am level headed. Life is funny when you think about it, and most of it can be laughed off after it happens and smoke clears.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Ok... well principles, I had this code, I can't remember all of it but it went something like this:
> 
> - Build strength through hardship
> - Never betray trust
> ...


Sounds good to me.  I don't mind showing my weakness (or the fact that I didn't know what someone told me) as it tends to bring compassion and human value, but I think you are right if you mean we shouldn't choose to feel sorry for ourself when we could be picking ourselves up and dusting off the dirt, so to speak


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah that's the goal, funny though, I really wanted to castrate myself today, or to cut up my pretty face heh

Thanks guys for your advice and helping me see things on a much healthier perspective.



> Sounds good to me. I don't mind showing my weakness (or the fact that I didn't know what someone told me) as it tends to bring compassion and human value, but I think you are right if you mean we shouldn't choose to feel sorry for ourself when we could be picking ourselves up and dusting off the dirt, so to speak


Yeah, especially when I realised I have to set an example for my daughter as well... that was the kicker for me this afternoon.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Ok... well principles, I had this code, I can't remember all of it but it went something like this:
> 
> - Build strength through hardship
> - Never betray trust
> ...


Pretty much had the same principles (or code) and have only changed 1.
It takes a very strong person to show weakness, especially when someone has been hurt badly before and without showing someone your comfortable with them or within yourself to show it then there isn't ever a full relationship, there's always 1 side your partner hasn't seen of you.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Being strong doesn't mean not feeling. It means being resilient and flexible enough to feel everything, and keep going. You need a strong core, a still place within yourself.


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## Athena1 (Nov 7, 2012)

Hey Random Dude! Sorry to hear that it sucks so much!

You're going through a huge change right now and there are bound to be emotional spin-outs as you go through the process. I think you need to focus on accepting yourself, and accepting the way your life is changing. (Easier said than done, but it's something to work on.)

Do you have any good friends or family who are supporting you while you go through this? It might be a good idea to lean on them a little harder than you would when life is going well. I'm sure you'd expect them to do the same. 

It's good that you're leaning on the forum through this, too. Only problem with us is we can't hang out with you and watch a movie (or whatever) when you feel like a pile of excrement. 

Strong is sometimes about learning to bend in the wind, so you can bounce back instead of breaking.


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## T&T (Nov 16, 2012)

RD,

I agree with what has been written. I'd like to add that a good run/jog does wonders for me. Give it a try and see how you feel.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Thanks guys, I don't have much support in RL, I can't really go up to my mates and tell them why I'm even seperated. I'll have to refer to this thread the next time I go emotionally bonkers, thanks for your sound advice, I can't deny the truth behind it.

Real strength isn't about hardening up to the point I shut off my emotions, looks like it just makes me go bonkers eventually


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

RD, if your marriage as you knew is truly over then you will be grieving. It’s a process with a whole mixture of deeply felt and painful emotions, sadness, anger, anxiety, fear etc.


Take a read of 7 STAGES OF GRIEF so you know what you are going through. My anger was exceptionally intense, I put two punch bags up, one big and one small. It helped me dissipate my anger, you need to get it out of you, if you are angry, as it doesn’t do your insides any good at all.


It looks like you given up on Awareness: The Perils and Opportunities of Reality: Anthony De Mello, J. Francis Stroud: 9780385249379: Amazon.com: Books. If you have, pick it up again as it’s the very best way to learn how to disconnect and distance yourself from those emotions for a while at least such that peace and harmony has a chance to enter inside of you.

These times are normally intense. You can use that energy for positive things, to get physically fitter and to learn new ways of “being”. Buddhism for example helped me out a great deal.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I haven't given up on the Awareness book yet, just going through my fits at the moment it seems. I seem to be in stages 1 through to 4, and approaching 5 at the moment. However I seem to slip straight back into stages 1,2,3,4... then pick myself up again, then slip again...

My marriage is sad story, I want us to work but I can't live with her anymore unless we can really iron out our issues and I no longer love her. She's coming over soon and I hope I can wiggle my way out of the casual sex she's offering me - folks are right, it's just going to fk things up even more.

We have to stick through this process, if we get back together now, as much as we've learnt about our marital flaws it's simply just not enough time for either of us to make changes and furthermore I know for a fact I'm anything but stable.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I hate mondays, now more than ever, it's when I wake up to a very quiet house, I don't feel like sleeping... Since this afternoon I started wondering if she still loves me, or is it just lust - and has it always been just lust? Does she make me feel loved? Not a chance. It's obvious she wanted sex but has not given me any indication that she is serious about changing either than words considering the games she still plays. She still likes to put me in difficult situations.

Sure one can love what I do for them in bed, but what about everything else? I don't know anymore, feeling lost again. Seems like I'm back to stage 4. I don't think I'm even lovable really, even someone who understands me best can't do it. I'm nothing but a c--k and wallet to women it seems, never was anything more.

Except for the woman I fell in love with years ago, but she's dead now. I wish I can have her back but no, the closest thing left is a shell, a twisted version of the woman I loved. *sigh*


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

You’re kind of delving into two psyches, yours and your wife’s. You’re trying to somehow understand what makes the two of you tick as individuals and as a couple.

For a few years you’ve had your wife’s psyche inside of you. A “fully working model” of how you perceive her, understand her living right there inside of you. But now that you are separated you have begun the journey of getting your wife out from the inside of you, it’s a lot of what “separating” is all about.



The two of you have been massively “bonded” not only by your love for one another but also with your “crazy dramas”. It's like you've been super glued at the physical, emotional and psychological levels.

It’s this “bond” that you are now breaking. It takes time and it can be full of very unpleasant emotions and maybe even very traumatic. For example I think I was in a deep shock for at least 12 months after we separated.



And what’s actually happening you are now seeing your wife as though she were “just” another woman. A woman you know, somehow, yet a woman you will get to know more because your blinkers are off. Plus you’re getting her off of the pedestal you’ve had her on.


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## Athena1 (Nov 7, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> She's coming over soon and I hope I can wiggle my way out of the casual sex she's offering me - folks are right, it's just going to fk things up even more.


I'm guessing the sex happened? (Based on your general tone of self-loathing on the board today)

Instead of beating yourself up, make a better plan for how you're going to handle the situation next time.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No it didn't... =/

However I've shortened the amount of time she's willing to wait before she decides if we're worth saving or if we should finish what we've started


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

AFEH said:


> You’re kind of delving into two psyches, yours and your wife’s. You’re trying to somehow understand what makes the two of you tick as individuals and as a couple.
> 
> For a few years you’ve had your wife’s psyche inside of you. A “fully working model” of how you perceive her, understand her living right there inside of you. But now that you are separated you have begun the journey of getting your wife out from the inside of you, it’s a lot of what “separating” is all about.
> 
> ...


Yes you're right, she's getting pushed off the pedestal. I'm trying to tell myself that she's not the same woman anymore, the woman I still love is gone I keep having to tell myself that. It's not a bad thing though right?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

*sigh*

It's become apparent that it is simply not possible to focus on fixing myself with my STBX on my a$$


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Yes you're right, she's getting pushed off the pedestal. I'm trying to tell myself that she's not the same woman anymore, the woman I still love is gone I keep having to tell myself that. It's not a bad thing though right?


We’re all different in these things. For me it wasn’t a case of pushing my wife off the pedestal. Rather it was a very long and conscious effort to get to know her with my blinkers off. It Involves being judgemental, making judgements. In my case it’s work I could only do successfully by myself, simply because my wife was exceptionally deceitful and two faced, such that it was totally pointless and ineffective “discussing” things with her. Looking back I can see that I was never ever going to get the truth. So I’ve had to be judgemental and make my own mind up about the “truth”.


I can most certainly relate to loving the woman I married but unable to love the woman she became.


Is your wife still reading TAM RD?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

AFEH said:


> We’re all different in these things. For me it wasn’t a case of pushing my wife off the pedestal. Rather it was a very long and conscious effort to get to know her with my blinkers off.


THIS! I NEED to do this but right now she's all broken down and crap and wants us to give it another shot when I'm not NEARLY ready for it! Now she's home and I am contemplating kicking her out no matter how much she cries but I've never seen her this weak before.



> It Involves being judgemental, making judgements. In my case it’s work I could only do successfully by myself, simply because my wife was exceptionally deceitful and two faced, such that it was totally pointless and ineffective “discussing” things with her. Looking back I can see that I was never ever going to get the truth. So I’ve had to be judgemental and make my own mind up about the “truth”.


I don't know what to do at the moment, my STBX is on my a$$ right now (see ladies section). I need to deal with this situation before I can continue my reflection. I know we shouldn't have had that discussion but I fked up a few days ago by trying to be honest with her about me moving on and now she's wants me to hammer the situation so she can either move on or whatever.



> I can most certainly relate to loving the woman I married but unable to love the woman she became.


Yes, no matter how much she cried I felt nothing but pity for her. I no longer love her anymore, that's a solid fact. I can't give her anything she wants, I can't give her love, I don't love her anymore! Why can't she just let me go instead of making this so hard for both of us?



> Is your wife still reading TAM RD?


I don't know, there's nothing really stopping her either than her own conscience and her promise to me which probably means sh-t all now but quite frankly I don't really care anymore what she thinks about what I write here


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Not going bonkers for example, and saying crap like castrating myself


You need to learn how to center yourself.

You need to discover those things within you that give you fire and passion, that drain the craziness out of you and replace it with inner peace.

You need to learn self awareness so you can recognize those times when you are about to lose it, and self composure to formulate a specific plan of action in those moments so you can deal with it.

You need to learn how to recognize what you need in any given moment, and you need to learn it is ok to give yourself that.

That is all vague, yet it's not. Here are some examples of ways you can center yourself:

exercise
get in touch with nature
journal
read
vent frustration to your trusted male friends

You also need to be aware of things that take you off center:

lack of sleep
hunger
triggers of your past pain

Believe it not, you are making significant progress by admitting there is a problem and looking for a solution!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well... I have thought of disappearing for a while with no one but me and my horse in the wilderness for a few days, that normally puts me back in sane mode... don't really have the time for it though, it's december now so it's busy season for work.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Well there's your problem.

You are refusing to take care of yourself. You are making work a higher priority than your health.

Men don't make excuses. Men take responsibility for themselves and what they want.

I can also tell, from one interaction with you, that you are a deficit thinker. "theres not enough this, there's not enough that, this is too hard, I can't do that...."

Think it, and it will happen.


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## trex (Oct 31, 2012)

The other posts here are right. Strength alone is not healthy. It needs to be balanced by compassion and humility.

This is a topic that I've spent years contemplating as part of my own self-improvement.

Strength can manifest as physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental (not just intelligent, but have a strong mind able to do what you want it to do). You need to develop all of them, otherwise you will restrict your development. A good example is if you go to the gym every day but you lack emotional and mental strength, you won't push yourself past your comfort zone. The interplay between you physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental sides is complicated and rarely understood.

There a lot of ways to develop your strength, as others have correctly noted. For me, it's martial arts and meditation. Many schools focus on more than just self defense and fitness. They focus on mental and spiritual development as well. It provides an outlet while building capacity in all of these areas. It's made me more adaptable to change, able to withstand greater challenges.

Just as important to my martial arts practice has been regular meditation. It calms and strengthens your mind in ways that are hard to express. You begin to see things differently. Especially in your case, I would highly recommend reading up on techniques for quiet sitting. Zen meditation practices are my personal preference.

I also agree that strength does not mean just being able to force anything you want. That's strong physical with weak mental. Remaining "present" and in control in any situation is much more difficult.

This is a bit scattered - sorry. I have to run and only had time for a quick response. Hope this helps!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It's getting ridicolously busy and I'm a business owner/manager/director and no one else can keep the place from falling apart and I can't hire a general manager for just December, that's just not realistic, whether this can be seen as an excuse or not - this is reality. There's nothing I can do about it now until after New Years I guess. Thanks though, I have to prioritise healing after all this but for now, it's getting busier and busier. Thankfully work also keeps my mind off sh-t.

Anyways, there's not much I can do now until 2013, the suggestions are sound, but I won't be able to act on them at the moment at least for this weekend when I'm pretty much flat out busy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Start to listen to people when they tell you things.

You were very much sure you were "over it" and "done with it" just a couple weeks ago. People were trying to help you and you kept shooting them down.

Shut your mouth, open your ears (eyes in this case) and reflect. Deeply.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I am, but my weekend is booked out at least. I'll try to get some time off to get away for a while - being in the wilderness away from civilisation and life gives me more peace and clarity than when I'm stuck here. Tomorrow night too my mates said they are dragging me out, said they are all going to put my house under siege if I don't go out, besides I probably would have to work 12-14 hours at work tomorrow, would be good to iron out the stress.

Only thing I'm worried about tomorrow is the fact that a few "friends" and "aquaintances" within that circle have had crushes on me in the past, some I knew about others my wife just shot down - politely of course. Oh well, think as long as I don't touch the alcohol, and masturbate before hand, and just dance the night away, I should be safe from doing anything stupid.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)




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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

You don't get it...I hope someday you do :smthumbup:



RandomDude said:


> no one else can





RandomDude said:


> I can't hire a general manager





RandomDude said:


> that's just not realistic,





RandomDude said:


> There's nothing I can do about it





RandomDude said:


> I have to prioritise healing after all this but for now, it's getting busier and busier.





RandomDude said:


> not much I can do





RandomDude said:


> I won't be able to act on them


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Saki is right. You DO have choices. You just don't WANT them.

Anyway, I've read that a good way to get through the pain is to allot yourself 30 minutes tomorrow morning, alone, locked away, and just cry your eyeballs out. Use a timer. Once it dings, wash your face, and go face the world. Next day, set it for 29 minutes, do the same. Next day, 28 minutes. Rinse and repeat. At the end of 30 days, you should have been able to at least get a handle on your emotions, if not the pain.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't function like normal people do, I can't just allocate 30 minutes for crying, I have to push myself to cry, and if anything I need to reflect. I need a day off, hopefully by monday - be patient people! I have work to do in the meantime, this weekend is fked.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why?


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

Do you wanna just start giving us excuses for next week now, or are you going to keep us in suspense until monday?? :scratchhead:

"There is no better time and no one to blame" -David Deida


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> but I've come to realise I'm not as hardened as I thought I was,


I never thought you were.

Quite the opposite. You actually appear to be extremely emotionally sensitive, and malleable, to me.

Often times the people who are the most easily "hardened", who have the most staunchly erected emotional walls, are the ones who feel the deepest, the rawest. Their defense mechanisms are just severe in order to protect the raw nerve center behind them at all costs.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

RD, the end of a relationship is like a bereavement and you will go backwards and forwards in the grief cycle before being able to move forward with your life. During this time it's important for you to take care of yourself (eating healthily, getting enough sleep and exercise etc) and surround yourself with good friends and family.

It sounds to me like you're expecting too much of yourself right now...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@Jaquen

Yes I was always emotionally sensitive as a child, learnt to harden up at a young age due to trauma at 12 - these walls as you describe. Shuts off all feeling, I needed it at a young age, but it drove me a bit psychopathic and very violent until I turned 18. Still, they are useful. Hence I'm not naturally hardened no, it's something imposed on me, but not my core personality. Deep inside I'm also a romantic, but I learnt how to be flirtateous without vulnerability. I remedied that situation, but I guess it was too late by the time I changed.

@Saki

Responsibilities are responsibilities, anyone should understand that.

@Cosmos

Perhaps, I almost physically assaulted an extremely rude customer today, felt the blood pump and adrenaline, I was almost begging him to come 1 inch closer to my face. I simply didn't need that sh-t, and it got the point when I realised the only thing that could calm him down from disrupting everyone was to knock him out... but, still managed to keep it within myself, hell my restraint was really being tested. Became a "hero boss" today though, he was rude to my staff as well.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> Perhaps, I almost physically assaulted an extremely rude customer today, felt the blood pump and adrenaline, I was almost begging him to come 1 inch closer to my face. I simply didn't need that sh-t, and it got the point when I realised the only thing that could calm him down from disrupting everyone was to knock him out... hell my restraint was really being tested. Became a "hero boss" today though, he was rude to my staff as well.


Anger is part of the bereavement package, RD... Good for you, though, for not actually hitting the guy.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> @Jaquen
> 
> Yes I was always emotionally sensitive as a child, learnt to harden up at a young age due to trauma at 12 - these walls as you describe. Shuts off all feeling, I needed it at a young age, but it drove me a bit psychopathic and very violent until I turned 18. Still, they are useful. Hence I'm not naturally hardened no, it's something imposed on me, but not my core personality. Deep inside I'm also a romantic, but I learnt how to be flirtateous without vulnerability. I remedied that situation, but I guess it was too late by the time I changed.
> 
> ...



You're spinning out of control because you've spent only God knows how long ignoring your true, honest, authentic self, which is a feeler, in order to stay safe behind manufactured walls.

In essence, you're a backed up toilet. And the clog is so deep that your sh*t is overflowing.

What you're dealing with pre-dates your marital problems, and even your marriage. You're likely in the middle of an entire life crisis right now.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Cosmos said:


> Anger is part of the bereavement package, RD... Good for you, though, for not actually hitting the guy.


Heh it was close though, too close, my staff joined in the argument which saved me I guess. I had to punch it out as soon as I got home as my blood was still boiling. Ironic when I'm in an industry where it calls for restraint yet I had a hell of a violent history heh.

@Jaquen

A lot of past pains/hatreds are actually gone, I know that for a fact. If not I wouldn't be human enough to even have friends let alone a relationship or marriage. Or even to put two sentences together that didn't involve how to brutalise someone simply because I didn't like his face, his voice, or simply because I was in the mood.

I was psycho at 12 to 18. Never had counselling during those times, couldn't afford to involve myself with the system. After that, I was still lost until I found my wife/STBX who changed my life, taught me how to forgive. Felt like the whole world just got off my back. Still, alot of past lessons I haven't forgotten.

I'm not completely out of control, if I was I would be facing yet ANOTHER court charge for assault today heh. Speaking of which could be a weapon against me if I p-ss my STBX enough to fight over custody in court - I've never hurt her, but I've heard of women beating themselves up and saying their husbands did it. Sick really, just sick. Don't know if my STBX is capable of that, but I'm trying not to risk it.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

You are also going to have to have "Self Talk" to get thru this. Just say " I am GREAT, I have POWER in my LIFE, I have a PLAN and HOPE, Things are going to be a lot BETTER!


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