# how to let go?



## amberlynn

My husband's grandma is slowly dying of liver cancer, she's at home, confined to a hospital bed, with hospice visiting everyday. Shes in the state of mind where she doesnt recognize familiar faces. Its hard on all of us, especially my husband, she raised him and hes having a hard time dealing with whats going on. She was the one I would turn to when I needed advice, regardless of what it was, she never judged, was always there, for everyone. 

Ive never had to go through anything like this, its taken on a whole new level of how I look at life. Death has always been one of my biggest fears, but yet, I know its a part of life. How can I help husband ease his pain, how can I help him let go and not fall apart? We all know her time is near, but no one wants to talk about whats going to happen when shes gone. I hurt inside for all the family and her 6 kids that are having to go through this, but how do we all let go? We dont want this to be her time to go.


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## 827Aug

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. You are correct; unfortunately death is a part of life and each of us must make that journey. It's never easy. Is it possible that you could turn to a minister or priest? 

I'll share my recent story and hope it brings some comfort. In September I became very ill and the the doctors told my family I had very little chance to live. My lungs were so badly damaged I could no longer breathe on my own and was put on a ventilator. In doing so, they had to heavily sedate me. Although I could hear things, I could not react. Fortunately I remember very little. However, I remember two important things. First, I had a near death experience before they could get me set up on the ventilator. It was so peaceful and I honestly didn't want to return. Next, I remember the family gathering (including my children) and it was so sad. That was so hard on me watching/hearing the mourning going on around my bed. During this time my minister came in twice a day and prayed. In addition, she was there for my family and friends. It gave them much comfort. 

Hope this perspective on death helps. It sounds as though your husband's grandmother is an awesome woman and wouldn't want everyone falling apart. When you start feeling sad, try to remember a happy event or time with her. Be strong. Also, here's hugs and prayers for you and your family.


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## amberlynn

Im so touched by your story. Ive never experienced anything like that, and not sure if I ever want too. Thanks so much for your prayers. We have 2 different Pastors come in and talk with the family, one from our church and one that hospice provided. 

Its just so hard seeing her laying in bed, suffering and in pain. I feel guilty to pray to keep her here, knowing shes in pain, but, I feel even more guilty to pray for God to take her home. Its a hard process, and I honestly don't think I could handle it if it was my mom or my grandma going through this. All we can do is pray, but the guilt eats at me cause I want so much for her pain to be gone, yet, I dont want this to be her time, I want her here, to see all her grand babies grow up. Is that so wrong?


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## preso

are you familair with the 
stages of grief? You can read about them online.


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## amberlynn

Ive read up on it online, and Ive read the little blue book that the hospice nurse gave out, but its just so hard to tell whats happening, or when it going to happen. She started having uncontrollable bowel movements last night, her urine is really dark, shes breathing really hard... its just so frustrating...I wanna know why God is letting her lay here in pain and suffer the way she is... I wanna know why he wont call her home and end this all....


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