# Wife of 21 years asked for seperation



## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Hello all, tyvm for reading, and any responses you might put down. 

2 weeks ago, My wife dropped the bomb on me that she wanted me to move out. I NEVER saw it coming. I'll be honest, i've been aware for about 5-6 months we've had some issues going on. We have 2 high school aged kids, one about to graduate. I'll also be honest that I just didnt help around the house or with the kids as much as I could of. I thought it was enough, but finding out now, in retrospect, I could have done more to help her. I made the mistake of just asking, and not enough of just doing.

We have a gay couple (guys) that live next door, and she's been spending a LOT of time with him (the more female of the two) over these same 5-6 months. He's already helped end 2 of our other neighbors marriages. Yet, I still watched as they would "hang out" every friday and saturday night, even as I was begging my wife to spend some time on "us". Even my kids mentioned to my wife that she's hardly ever home anymore. I always took it as she works hard, we have the kids and thier sports', and she needed to get away occasionally. Until, I guess that getting away became more fun that dealing with all the responsibilty.

Now I've been out on my own for a couple/few weeks, and instantly in an attempt to salvage what I could went for a few visits with a couples counselor. I got a lot of insight about myself, mistakes i've made, and things I need to fix on my end. No I dont drink, or do drugs. I'm self employed, but always left my evenings and weekends for the family stuff. I've read a few books, 5 languages of love is a great read btw, even if your marriage is great. Asked my wife if we could attempt to go to a new marriage counselor together, she agreed. 

We got our first appointment 3.5 weeks away, seems like an eternity for me. BUT my wife continues to go out partying with the gay couple even more, has become even more short with me, and often goes out of her way to avoid any contact with me. Now heres the even more tricky part, I'm self employed, but she works for her dad, and that account is 95% of my business. So not only do we basically work together, she does my hours for billing, and signs my checks too. She's asked for room, and i'm giving all i can bare right now, it doesnt seem to matter. She tells me she needs to take it even slower now. lol does it get slower than no contact at this point? 

Now im not sure what to do, we set up a date night, i'll make dinner and do a movie (what she wanted to do) but then invited both kids over as to not be alone with me. Not sure what im doing wrong here, do I stay the course with the marriage counselor, or let he keep running over me? Am I just upset and over-reacting to the fact im trying, and at this point she's still just trying to figure things out? I havent been clingy or been the sobbing mess i was the first couple of days for a couple of weeks (im sure that pushed here even further away looking back at it). Instead i've mentioned some of my flaws, things im working on, and even explored some outlets for myself (new cooking class to help with dinners, took back up my guitar lessons, even taking a dance class (in hopes she lets me take her out-havent told her about that one yet). What am i missing, any advice on the route im taking or my plan to hopefully save the marriage? Thx again for any advice, hopefully I gave enough information for some input.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you sure he is 100% gay? He's broken up thee marriages you say? Have you talked to those husbands?

I'd say there is a full on affair here.

Why are you living outside your home? Move back in, she can't evict you.

I'd also suggest getting her panties checked for semen, because many gay guys are really BI


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also you won't end her affair by being nice.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

You are not over-reacting,you are under-reacting.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Her friends may very well be gay, but they live a promiscuous party lifestyle, that is toxic to a monogamous relationship. 

And.... she's liking it!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Make plans to get back in your house too. How will you reconect if your not there?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Thumper said:


> Hello all, tyvm for reading, and any responses you might put down.
> 
> 2 weeks ago, My wife dropped the bomb on me that she wanted me to move out. I NEVER saw it coming.


That means she is getting it from some other guy or wants to start. She needs to separate from you so you don't figure out what's going on and she'll have the freedom to explore other guys. She gets to let her inner slvt (that you aren't supposed to know about) out of its cage for a while. Don't be fooled, this is all about her getting some strange, finding out what's out there and making a decision on what she prefers. Don't give her the opportunity. If anybody moves out, it's her. 



Thumper said:


> I'll be honest, i've been aware for about *5-6 months* we've had some issues going on.


And now you know pretty near how long her sexual misadventures have been going on.



Thumper said:


> We have 2 high school aged kids, one about to graduate.


They're old enough to be on their own and it's a major life change; this often triggers something in women that is limbic and creates an urge to copulate with new men to produce more children from different DNA. Standard stuff.



Thumper said:


> I'll also be honest that I just didnt help around the house or with the kids as much as I could of. I thought it was enough, but finding out now, in retrospect, I could have done more to help her. I made the mistake of just asking, and not enough of just doing.


No, most likely she would have left even earlier had you been her houseb!tch. Just so long as you keep up with the traditionally male side of things, very little female stuff needs to be done to maintain attraction. The more you help out in her domain, the more her attraction to you drops. This is a red herring.



Thumper said:


> We have a guy couple (guys) that live next door, and she's been spending a LOT of time with him (the more female of the two) over these same 5-6 months.


If he's really gay, then he's a "toxic friend" to her. I've seen this one before. He comes off to her as one girl to another, then talks up all his d*ck-taking adventures to her, gets her excited about spit roast and group sex and he just happens to have some straight friends he can direct her to. Not unusual at all.



Thumper said:


> He's already helped end 2 of our other neighbors marriages.


See what I mean?



Thumper said:


> Yet, I still watched as they would "hang out" every friday and saturday night, even as I was *begging my wife to spend some time on "us"*.


That really lowered your rank in her eyes. Men don't beg. The more you beg and do nothing, the more her contempt for you grows.



Thumper said:


> Even my kids mentioned to my wife that she's hardly ever home anymore.


She don't care about them right now. The kids are grown by pre-industrial revolution standards. They won't be allowed to inhibit her sexual explorations. It's like crack when the inner slvt gets out.



Thumper said:


> I always took it as she works hard, we have the kids and thier sports', and she needed to get away occasionally. Until, I guess that getting away became more fun that dealing with all the responsibilty.


No. First, you don't get a vacation from the marriage, which is what she's asking for full-time with the separation, so you made a mistake by not putting your foot down. Second, when she's getting plowed by new guys, your wife gets a huge rush of dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin, PEA, and all sorts of other chemicals that create a crack-like high. When she's back home with you, the high wears off and is followed by a low. So long as she's on this cycle, she associates being around the family with being bummed and getting nailed by her new playmates with exhilaration. Which would you choose?



Thumper said:


> Now I've been out on my own for a couple/few weeks, and instantly in an attempt to salvage what I could went for a few visits with a couples counselor.


Bullsh¡t! Move back into your home this afternoon. If you want to save your marriage, this is the number one most important step to take and you need to do it right now.



Thumper said:


> I got a lot of insight about myself, mistakes i've made, and things I need to fix on my end. No I dont drink, or do drugs. I'm self employed, but always left my evenings and weekends for the family stuff.


There area lot of women who would be foaming at the mouth to sign up for that. Your wife is over 40? Well, in that case a lot of those foaming women are going to be in the 28-30 year old range and never married and quite a bit hotter than your WW.



Thumper said:


> I've read a few books, 5 languages of love is a great read btw, even if your marriage is great. Asked my wife if we could attempt to go to a new marriage counselor together, she agreed.


MC is a total waste of money so long as your wife is conducting affairs. Blow it off until you get the proof of what's going on or she straightens out.



Thumper said:


> We got our first appointment 3.5 weeks away, seems like an eternity for me. BUT my wife continues to go out partying with the gay couple even more, has become even more short with me, and often goes out of her way to avoid any contact with me.


Thump, she thinks it should be obvious to you that she's getting laid. Since you haven't said anything about it, she figures you don't care or you're too stupid to be married to her. These thoughts lower your Sex Rank in her eyes. Furthermore, the fact that you haven't figured it out is a very strong indicator that you are not her "soul-mate." You failed to feel a great disturbance in the Force. In her mind, it's as if millions of voices were crying out to you and you haven't noticed. Her contempt grows stronger. Now, she's full up in your face and you still don't get it.



Thumper said:


> Now heres the even more tricky part, I'm self employed, but she works for her dad, and that account is 95% of my business. So not only do we basically work together, she does my hours for billing, and signs my checks too.


She's got you by the balls and she's going to squeeze them. Now you and her really find out what sort of man you are. You're in a bad, bad situation. How soon can you start diversifying and can you go to work for someone else?

what's your relationship with your FIL like?

What does he think about you moving out?



Thumper said:


> She's asked for room, and i'm giving all i can bare right now, it doesnt seem to matter. She tells me she needs to take it even slower now. lol does it get slower than no contact at this point?


Take her room, move back home.




Thumper said:


> Now im not sure what to do, we set up a date night, i'll make dinner


kitchenb!tch DLV (demonstration of low male value)



Thumper said:


> and do a movie (what she wanted to do) but then invited both kids over as to not be alone with me.


She is sexually repelled by you, especially since you can't give her the "new guy high". There is also a theory set forth in the book "Sperm Wars" that she subconciously does not want your semen in her body as that could act as a "block" to another type of "sex high" that comes from the semen of strange men. See, semen is loaded with mood elevating chemicals
 that women absorb into their blood stream through the mouth, sublingually, and through the walls of the vagina and rectum. If you've dropped a load there, your familiar semen (to which she has presumably developed a tolerance) might reduce the potency of the load she's going to soon be taking from someone else.



Thumper said:


> Not sure what im doing wrong here, do I stay the course with the marriage counselor, or let he keep running over me?


What you've been doing wrong is demonstrating that you are a low value male at every turn. Women are attracted to men via their limbic (autonomic) brain. You're pushing none of the attraction buttons. What kind of shape are you in? When was the last time a woman, other than your wife, approached you for sex?



Thumper said:


> Am I just upset and over-reacting to the fact im trying, and at this point she's still just trying to figure things out?


No, she's not really trying to figure things out. She's moving on to sex-world. You've been under-reacting for 6 months and you've done it in a way that fuels her desire for strange men.




Thumper said:


> I havent been clingy or been the sobbing mess i was the first couple of days for a couple of weeks (im sure that pushed here even further away looking back at it).


Doesn't matter. Weakness was shown and the damage was done.



Thumper said:


> Instead i've mentioned some of my flaws, things im working on,


If you shared that with her, you just lowered your value even more.



Thumper said:


> and even explored some outlets for myself (new cooking class to help with dinners, took back up my guitar lessons, even taking a dance class (in hopes she lets me take her out-havent told her about that one yet).


She's not looking for a new kitchen b!tch, she's looking for hard action. She doesn't care about the guitar lessons, unless you've on the cover of some albums or have regular gigs with women tossing their panties to you. The dance class is a good idea, you'll be needing that after she divorces you.



Thumper said:


> What am i missing, any advice on the route im taking or my plan to hopefully save the marriage? Thx again for any advice, hopefully I gave enough information for some input.


The first thing you need to do is move back in. The second thing you need to do is put a PI on her ass when she goes out with her toxic "girl"friends next door. You'll soon have plenty of photos and videos that will curl your hair.

What does her family think about all this?

I'll ask again, do women hit on you? I'll explain why this is important depending on your answer.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

I don't get why this sort of thing happens all the time?

Such a familiar script.

Wife suddenly decides she "wants space", so she says to husband "move out" and he does that. 

It's like she says jump and you say "how high"?

You already did the weak, begging, crying thing which you KNOW is self defeating.

Get your a$$ back in the house and tell her if she wants out, then there's the freaking door.

She's leaving you because you're weak (among other reasons), so change your strategy.

*MAN UP.*

(And assume she's screwing some other guy, maybe one of the two gay guys who aren't really gay, or she's using them as a cover).


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

b.blue said:


> I do not think they are gay probably bisexual


Research (very politically incorrect, career limiting research) tells us that men, unlike women, have little sexual fluidity and the percentage of truly bisexual men is approx zero. However, they will have sex with women and especially so in a threesome, group-sex scenario that will or might involve male-on-male sex. OP's wife may be being used as sexual currency or the gay guys may just be getting off on bringing an "innocent" into their hyper-sexual world and corrupting her.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

One other thing, my gay uncle (married to my mom's sister) used to come around to see my cousins after the divorce. He'd always have a different woman with him. These women were lesbians who were his "beards." I doubt gays, Tom C. notwithstanding, feel the need to do this any longer, but they may have introduced your wife to a nice group of girls, or all the above.

Private investigator, VAR velcroed to the bottom of her car seat, key logging software on the computer.


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## daMan (Dec 18, 2012)

I don't see anywhere in your story that you've sat down and discuss with your wife to find out exactly why she wanted you to move out.

You can't fix a problem if you don't know what it is. It's like saying "my car just stop running, how can I fix it?" 

Seems like you're trying to do various things to save the marriage, are these the things what your wife looking for in you? No one can give you a meaningful advice until YOU know what the root of the problem is, some time the root of the problem can't be fixed.

The starting point should be sitting down with your wife and ask her to honestly let you know exactly what she's looking for and what she thinks you can do to save your relationship. Don't waste time and money running around trying to do a hundred things that she might not even cares about.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Machiavelli said:


> you need to...put a PI on her ass when she goes out with her toxic "girl"friends next door. You'll soon have plenty of photos and videos that will curl your hair.


I don't know why they NEVER do this. I recommend it EVERY time there's a toxic girlfriend/partying at meat markets scenario. Such an EASY way to bust this stuff. And NOBODY does it.

She's living single. It's really not complicated. And you're allowing it. A PI will get cellphone video. Video she will NOT want her parents, friends, kids seeing. That'll give you a little leverage.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

MrK said:


> I don't know why they NEVER do this. I recommend it EVERY time there's a toxic girlfriend/partying at meat markets scenario. Such an EASY way to bust this stuff. And NOBODY does it.


_Some _people do it. I've seen the TV shows.

Why don't _more_ people do it?

The cost, and the fear of finding out something they'd rather not know.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

The one who wants to separate is the one who moves out of the house. Did you seriously leave your home? Do you have any idea how weak that makes you look to a woman?


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## Madman1 (Oct 24, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> The one who wants to separate is the one who moves out of the house. Did you seriously leave your home? Do you have any idea how weak that makes you look to a woman?




*Yep if your are going to save this you are going to have to man up, but quick, listen to the advise here, or lose it all!*


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Yes my neighbors are definetley GAY, like real women gay. They are also married.

I'm a very healthy mid 40's, own a small construction company, and do much of the work. Still as strong as an ox, and yes get hit on all the time, but always considered myself happily married.

The thought of my wife being unfaithful has never crossed my mind cause we're ALWAYS together, even in our seperation were 100ft away.

Today, after posting, I went to my wife and told her I would just give her the divorce as I didnt want to be a plan "B" or something she had settled on. She instantly said "No" and said she thought we were going to counseling to fix our marriage.

The reason she said she wanted the seperation was "She loved me, but wasnt in love with me". We'd basically become business partners, not marriage partners. She wasnt sure she could fall in love with me again, but she wants to try anything possible. 

She said divorce wasnt a thought she wanted to think about right now, but thought a seperation would "kick-start" some responses from me that apparently i wasnt giving her. ie emotional support, help with kids, making dinner to help her out, etc.

Maybe i'm being niave now, but I want to try to save our 21 years.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I love you but I'm not in love with you. Verbatim right out of the cheater script.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Thump,

Why are you letting her dictate all the terms. Glad you look and feel Alpha now you should begin to act a bit Alpha. Let her know you are moving back in and that if she wants to separate then she should switch locales with you.

Let her know that since she has been spending time with the "girls" next door your marriage has taken a backseat and you see it as a direct correlation to where you are now. If she tries to deny it then remind her about all the happy divorced neighbors and the curious circumstances relating to the the gay couple and your neighbors.

Do something, stand for something and quit being your wife's doormat.


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## Tuyu2000 (Mar 19, 2013)

Thumper said:


> She said divorce wasnt a thought she wanted to think about right now, but thought a seperation would "kick-start" some responses from me that apparently i wasnt giving her. ie emotional support, help with kids, making dinner to help her out, etc.


So, she gets to dictate the terms of your marriage/reconciliation? You meet to her standards of what she wants from you, but she can still go out and party with the gay neighbours? 

Thump, your wife may have some legitimate concerns about your relationship. Maybe you do need to help more, make dinner etc. But she should also realise that she needs to cool the contact with the neighbours, stop going out and partying with them and spend more time at home with you and the kids. She needs to be present and account for her own part in saving your marriage.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Thumper said:


> We have a guy couple (guys) that live next door, and she's been spending a LOT of time with him (the more female of the two) over these same 5-6 months. He's already helped end 2 of our other neighbors marriages.
> 
> We got our first appointment 3.5 weeks away, seems like an eternity for me. BUT my wife continues to go out partying with the gay couple even more, has become even more short with me, and often goes out of her way to avoid any contact with me.





Thumper said:


> *The thought of my wife being unfaithful has never crossed my mind cause we're ALWAYS together, even in our seperation were 100ft away.*
> 
> The reason she said she wanted the seperation was "She loved me, but wasnt in love with me". We'd basically become business partners, not marriage partners. She wasnt sure she could fall in love with me again, but she wants to try anything possible.


So, potential infidelity is off the table?



MrK said:


> I don't know why they NEVER do this. I recommend it EVERY time there's a toxic girlfriend/partying at meat markets scenario. Such an EASY way to bust this stuff. And NOBODY does it.





totamm said:


> The cost, and the fear of finding out something they'd rather not know.


Indeed.

I have NO DOUBT she's met a lot of men while out partying with her girls. A LOT! Has she told you about any of them?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Do I wonder if infidelity has happened, no i dont.

Do I understand why she's feeling this way, of course I do, she's raised our kids, done the laundry, fixed all the food, kept the house clean, and always been there for me. With almost no support from me during our 21 years. Thats why i'm trying to change, give her some help, hell i dont know how to do any of those things really. Does taking out the trash occasionally count?

No one is dictating anything, I moved out cause I already know i cant take care of the kids, do the laundry, make all the food, get them to and from school everyday. I took the easy way out. But, I am trying to fix some of those issues, if some of you think i'm being a ***** and laying down to her every whim, your wrong. I never said she asked for a divorce, just a seperation, just help that I dont know how to give right now. We've had the same neighbors (the gay guys) for years. She went with them occasionally to get a break from her routine, I understood, and had no problem cause at least she wasnt going to a bar to meet single guys. She ALWAYS came home within and hour or two. I guess that I helped push her that way, i have to assume some of the blame. 

Hell theres even been times I told her to go out cause I didnt feel like spending time with her. The tough part, is after 21 years of helping her out the door, she finally opened it. Thats on me I guess. Its me having the problems of being a man and admitting to my mistakes, and that she's to some extent already started to move on because of it. Thats all I was trying to say, and was hoping for advice on whether it can be saved or if its too late.


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## NewM (Apr 11, 2012)

It probably can be saved as you already stated that she doesn't want divorce but wants you to change and start going to counseling with her.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Thumper said:


> Do I wonder if infidelity has happened, no i dont.
> 
> Do I understand why she's feeling this way, of course I do, she's raised our kids, done the laundry, fixed all the food, kept the house clean, and always been there for me. With almost no support from me during our 21 years. Thats why i'm trying to change, give her some help, hell i dont know how to do any of those things really. Does taking out the trash occasionally count?
> 
> ...


Thumper- It could be that you are correct. But I doubt it. I'm sorry, but I'm just playing the odds. There's at least a 95 percent chance that there's another guy involved with your wife. If you spend enough time here you'll be amazed how the script is always the same. Well, at least 95 percent of the time. If I were in your shoes, I'd dig quietly and find out what you're wife is up to.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Thumper said:


> Do I wonder if infidelity has happened, no i dont.
> 
> Do I understand why she's feeling this way, of course I do, she's raised our kids, done the laundry, fixed all the food, kept the house clean, and always been there for me. With almost no support from me during our 21 years. Thats why i'm trying to change, give her some help, hell i dont know how to do any of those things really. Does taking out the trash occasionally count?
> 
> ...


Then if she's giving you a chance, take it. She wants to be first in the list of your priorities. Not third of fourth. Instead of letting her go out with the gay fellas, start dating her yourself. Never leave it to others, to do what you should have done yourself.

Take it from someone who's been on the edge of goodbye. 

Start here, while your waiting for MC to start. His Needs, Her Needs See what a marriage should be.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Thumper said:


> But, I am trying to fix some of those issues, if some of you think i'm being a ***** and laying down to her every whim, your wrong.* I never said she asked for a divorce, just a seperation,* just help that I dont know how to give right now.


Exactly. And always means the same dam thing.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

A wife says these words.... only when she is feeling in love with someone else... Guaranteed.. Most married people are not "in love" with each other and never think about being "in love" with their spouse.. It's only when they fall "in love" with someone else do they say this. She may be in love with the gay neigbor and he may not be in love with her or having sex with her... But the harm to your marriage is the same.

If you were that bad of a husband and father for 20 years, while she was the ideal wife, then you should probably stop trying.

If you can realize that it takes two to tango, and put some accoutability on both her and yourself to become better marital partners toward each other, then you have a chance.


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## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

Thumper said:


> Do I wonder if infidelity has happened, no i dont.
> 
> Do I understand why she's feeling this way, of course I do, she's raised our kids, done the laundry, fixed all the food, kept the house clean, and always been there for me. With almost no support from me during our 21 years. Thats why i'm trying to change, give her some help, hell i dont know how to do any of those things really. Does taking out the trash occasionally count?
> 
> ...


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## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

Hicks said:


> A wife says these words.... only when she is feeling in love with someone else... Guaranteed.. Most married people are not "in love" with each other and never think about being "in love" with their spouse.. It's only when they fall "in love" with someone else do they say this. *FALSE* She may be in love with the gay neigbor and he may not be in love with her or having sex with her... But the harm to your marriage is the same.
> 
> If you were that bad of a husband and father for 20 years, while she was the ideal wife, then you should probably stop trying.
> 
> If you can realize that it takes two to tango, and put some accoutability on both her and yourself to become better marital partners toward each other, then you have a chance.


*I was no longer in love with my exhusband, but there was not another man either. *


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Thumper said:


> Do I wonder if infidelity has happened, no i dont.
> 
> Do I understand why she's feeling this way, of course I do, she's raised our kids, done the laundry, fixed all the food, kept the house clean, and always been there for me. With almost no support from me during our 21 years. Thats why i'm trying to change, give her some help, hell i dont know how to do any of those things really. Does taking out the trash occasionally count?
> 
> ...


I'm sorry for what you and your marriage are going through. I felt MUCH the same as your wife for a long time. My H was pretty similar to you, we led separate lives until it was time to appear on one field or another or one family event or another.

I think your marriage can be saved and I think everything you are doing is GREAT! AND I am totally jealous about the dancing!!!!!

She's said she doesn't want a divorce, but wants space. Coming from my own perspective, having been in your wife's shoes, I think moving out was a mistake and I suggest you move back in ASAP. The reason is because she is spending time on herself as an individual and not on herself as a wife; part of a couple. If the goal is to fix the marriage, then you have to be together to fix the marriage. You have to deal with all the crappy little reminders of how she has felt marginalized over the years, and she has to see the efforts you are making to become the husband she wants.

I suggest you just tell her you are moving back in and if she doesn't want that she needs to file for divorce. I think you have done a lot already to make things better and now is the time to step up and force the issues. By insisting you are moving back you are sending a clear message that your marriage together is more important than what ever issue either one of you are currently dealing with. By insisting you move back the message she will get is you are not quietly allowing her to walk away and learn to go about her day with out you in it.

I think you are doing great and your wife is very lucky to have such a responsive husband!

I soooo wish my H would take dancing lessons and surprise me like that!

I think the gay neighbor is just making her feel sexy as only gay men seem to know how to say those things without women feeling like they are being propositioned. And the semen hormone thing... Complete horse sh!t! However regular sex does indeed improve a persons mood!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

At Missme, don't bother... They see affairs everywhere!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> And the semen hormone thing... Complete horse sh!t! However regular sex does indeed improve a persons mood!


here you go: Scientific American That one's from 2010, but there has been more confirmation since.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I read both links, plus did my own search. While, anecdotally, I can't deny it's a very interesting theory and certainly worth several good jokes, there simply isn't enough empirical data to make corelary conclusions. One study, involving just under 300 women, using one depressive rating scale...interesting, but not conclusive by any stretch.

I would like to see this study done again, on a large scale with a control group that already has depressive symptoms. I would like to see a study done that can factor out, and I don't think it's possible to do so, oxytocin. Seritonin is the hormone with antidepressant effects. Oxytocin produces bonding and uterine contractions. Combined, I could see the one two punch effect, but couldn't see it lasting for more than a few minutes.

Bottom line, if this 13 year old study was so ground breaking, why hasn't it been repeated? Please don't claim conspiracy by feminists and drug companies?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I read both links, plus did my own search. While, anecdotally, I can't deny it's a very interesting theory and certainly worth several good jokes, there simply isn't enough empirical data to make corelary conclusions. One study, involving just under 300 women, using one depressive rating scale...interesting, but not conclusive by any stretch.
> 
> I would like to see this study done again, on a large scale with a control group that already has depressive symptoms. I would like to see a study done that can factor out, and I don't think it's possible to do so, oxytocin. Seritonin is the hormone with antidepressant effects. Oxytocin produces bonding and uterine contractions. Combined, I could see the one two punch effect, but couldn't see it lasting for more than a few minutes.
> 
> Bottom line, if this 13 year old study was so ground breaking, why hasn't it been repeated? Please don't claim conspiracy by feminists and drug companies?


It was obviously a conspiracy by feminists and the drug companies.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Shared this study with H tonight. He decided I needed a dose just to run our own tests. Oohhhh he is sooooo wonderful! 

Speaking on behalf of this feminist, I think a regular dosage is extremely beneficial! Now...I'm so sleepy....:sleeping:


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

MissMe said:


> *I was no longer in love with my exhusband, but there was not another man either. *


But, did you say to him "I love you but I"m not in love with you?"

In other words did you love him, but were not "in love" with him? That speaks to another man in the picture, becuase it's a comparitive statement.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Shared this study with H tonight. He decided I needed a dose just to run our own tests. Oohhhh he is sooooo wonderful!
> 
> Speaking on behalf of this feminist, I think a regular dosage is extremely beneficial! Now...I'm so sleepy....:sleeping:


As the Limey's like to say, "that's brilliant!"


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Hicks said:


> But, did you say to him "I love you but I"m not in love with you?"
> 
> In other words did you love him, but were not "in love" with him? That speaks to another man in the picture, becuase it's a comparitive statement.


I have said that to my H, about 4-5 years ago. This was the conversation that began with I don't know whether to divorce you or have an affair, but I do know this marriage can't stay the way it is. I told him I loved him and always would, but I hadn't been IN love with him for years, we had drifted so far apart.

I am sick and tired and really frustrated with the constant rush to judgment I see on this forum. The ILYBINILWY is NOT synonymous with I met someone else! It took my H two years just to pull his head out of his ass before he realized I was serious! We're better now but only because I have FORCED every damn issue onto the table.


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## MissMe (Feb 26, 2013)

Hicks said:


> But, did you say to him "I love you but I"m not in love with you?"
> 
> In other words did you love him, but were not "in love" with him? That speaks to another man in the picture, becuase it's a comparitive statement.


No, I did not. He would say "I love you" and I would say "ok"


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Looks like Elvis has left the building. But, he did nicely sweep everything under his rug before he left.


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