# Got laid off.. now wife's attitude changed.



## nut (Feb 6, 2012)

my wife didnt want to work for the past 2 years and i was the sole breadwinner. recently, i got laid off and had been sitting around for barely 2 weeks and wife turned nasty on me. it hurts that she didnt realised that while she was comfortably leeching off while i worked my ass off for the past few years, she was happily bumming around. and now she looks down on me even though i am feeling depressed and having thinking about how to make ends meet?

for the record, i have to pay both our bills, car and housing loans and all sorts of expenses AND her shopping. and she brushed off her recent nasty attitude as just being busy and sick! which is crap.


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

If that's the whole story, just quietly go ahead and file for divorce, and when she gets the shock of getting the papers, tell her that you wanted a partner and not a bloodsucker. Don't talk to her besides the bare minimum afterwards. She'll either crack and change her tune or walk out and you won't lose either way.


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## nut (Feb 6, 2012)

i dont want divorce. can't she just understand that i too had to drag my feet to work when i didnt feel like it. and now, just because i am laid off, her attitude towards me changed? i'm feeling terrible and scare knowing that there is no income in this household. whenever i propped up the question of her getting work, she gets angry or changed the subject. when i insisted on the subject, she gets angry.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

lascarx said:


> If that's the whole story, just quietly go ahead and file for divorce, and when she gets the shock of getting the papers, tell her that you wanted a partner and not a bloodsucker. Don't talk to her besides the bare minimum afterwards. She'll either crack and change her tune or walk out and you won't lose either way.


:iagree:

i cant even believe that someone in a marriage would act like that. However once again proves what i have said before about marriages and people in general. All in all TS i wish you the best of luck and i think you need to talk this over with your wife while also listing to the above post. Absurd she would even turn nasty on you i cannot not fathom why a person in a "Loving marriage" would behave in such a way.


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## nut (Feb 6, 2012)

by nasty, i meant she flared up or got irritated at any small mistakes i made in the house, helping out with housechores or not helping out with housechores or doing them in a way different from how she normally did them.

take for example. she asked me to helped slice a piece of meat. i will be honest, i had never done that before. but i agreed and towards the end, it got harder to slice and took me some time. she got angry again and asked me to stop and to dump the whole lot into the pot.

she could be upset that i lost my job. well, i am upset as well. being together doesnt mean i carry her burdens and she shares in my bank account. does she have to show me that im useless now?


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You cant very well tell her to get a job while youre not working. You dont mention kids. Has she always been like that. Youre better off without her.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

If a woman is truly in love with a man, the respect should not go out the window just because he's been struck by hard times.

I became even more loving and supportive when my husband lost his job. We were engaged and I stayed even though people were telling me to leave him. 

She doesn't love you and she's a leech. How awful!

I will always make less than half of what my husband does. This is not an excuse to sit around and do nothing. I am trying to obtain some credentials, so that I can have a career and not just some McJob forever. My husband applauds my ambition.


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## colotnk (Feb 3, 2012)

I'm not saying this to excuse her behavior, but could it be her way of dealing with the financial stress? Although with your being the breadwinner for a long time, I imagine that you feel the stress much more than she does.

If it were me, I would try talking to her about how her attitude and behavior make you feel. I wouldn't mention how she has not contributed to the household income though. Focus on you, your stress and feelings. Talk about what you're currently doing to look for a job if you indeed are. Maybe your wife doesn't think you're doing enough to find a job and need to hear that you're actively seeking. I would also ask her if she can think of something to do to help with your family's financial situation. (Hopefully she can come up with 'what about I'll look for a job?' herself )


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

Seems to me that she was use to living a certain way and now that you are unable to support her lifestyle, She is taking out her anger on you. I would tell her to get off her ass and get a job. She is a big girl now and allowing her to do nothing for the past few years spoils her, Try bringing her back down to earth.


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## Zzyzx (Aug 24, 2011)

You have seen your wife's true colors. It's apparent you've been a nice guy, check out those threads in the Men's Clubhouse. That kind of disrespectful behavior shouldn't be tolerated, but you need to reset your frame before you can make that stick. Do all you can along those lines, but be prepared to leave.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Like the saying goes, "When debt comes in the door, love goes out the window". Typically, men like women to be physically attractive and emotionally supportive. Women like to be materially supported and see their husband as successful in his field. That's human nature.


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

I agree, the way she's normally used to living has changed. It may take some time for her to get used to it and to realize that she may have to get a job. Things in life and marriage change. I remember being told in marriage couseling, sometimes he'll be the breadwinner, sometimes I'll be the breadwinner, sometimes it will be both of us. Either way it goes, we have to be ready for whatever happens and be able to take the responsiblity of the situation. 

If I was a mature wife in her situation, I would probably just want more help around the house since you're home more and to see that you are making an effort to look for a job or pick up other work if needed, but in this economy, there is really only so much you can do. It's really about time for her to get on the grind. You didn't mention kids, so I'm assuming you all don't have any. Sometimes that's an extra complication.



asylumspadez said:


> Seems to me that she was use to living a certain way and now that you are unable to support her lifestyle, She is taking out her anger on you. I would tell her to get off her ass and get a job. She is a big girl now and allowing her to do nothing for the past few years spoils her, Try bringing her back down to earth.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Be aware that most men place a high value on being employed and being the bread winner. So when we get laid off we are not the same person. Our self esteem suffers. Our sexual energies generally are reduced. So we really are a little less attractive.

Now add to the mix that many women place high value on a man's econimic and social status as far as attractiveness are concerned.

So that is the easy stuff. A man really needs his wife during these types of times. More than ever.

Imagine the situation if you both shared the burden of being breadwinners. The pressure on you is way reduced. You can focus on getting a new job with less pressure.

I think being laid off from work should have less stygma these days. Quality people lose their jobs all of the time.

FWIW, make getting a new job ... your job. You really should not have a lot of spare time.


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## nut (Feb 6, 2012)

no, we dont have any kid. i am trying really hard to land a job, but there really is a shortage of jobs here. with companys' placing priority on academic qualifications these days, me not having a collage degree isnt helping at all. although i have more than 10 years experience in what i do, there isnt any reply to my job applications. and with foreigners making up 40% of the country's population, i am pushed out of a job. 

it is just so sad that instead of receiving the same encouragement when i am out of a job, i felt im being looked down. and i am really being looked down.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

What do you do?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

if your going to divorce do it before you get another job so you won't have to pay as much suport/palinony.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

I can't fathom my wife not working.........best of luck!! We both have always worked since highschool, through college, while she was pregnant part time of course....lol.

Not working not a option  unless we were filthy rich or retired.


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## maccheese (Jul 25, 2011)

Is going to school an option for you. You may have to do a career change. Maybe pick up a trade. Go for the careers that are hiring these days. She's going to have to support you though if you go to school. You can get financial aid to help out with expenses, but you can't borrow money as if that's your income. You will have to live a scaled back life. And her...she's going to have to start bring in some income. She can babysit, she can, clean houses, she can find some type of job somewhere. 



nut said:


> no, we dont have any kid. i am trying really hard to land a job, but there really is a shortage of jobs here. with companys' placing priority on academic qualifications these days, me not having a collage degree isnt helping at all. although i have more than 10 years experience in what i do, there isnt any reply to my job applications. and with foreigners making up 40% of the country's population, i am pushed out of a job.
> 
> it is just so sad that instead of receiving the same encouragement when i am out of a job, i felt im being looked down. and i am really being looked down.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Loosing your job sucks, but take this time to really look at your life. Is this the kind of woman you want to share your life with? What will she do if God forbid you become sick, seriously ill, or disabled?


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