# Father Cheating.



## shatteredboy (Dec 7, 2012)

Hello.

I came across this website by accident while surfing for websites to ask for some advice. This seems to be a website for spouses but I was hoping to get some advise nonetheless.

In my case, it is not my spouse that cheated ( I'm only 16 ) but my father. I just discovered this 2 days ago. My father had a phone call and went outside to answer it. I thought this was weird as he always answers his phone infront of us. I secretly eavesdropped ( curiosity got the best of me ) and he was talking to someone using ENDEARMENTS.

I got suspicious and tried to know more (curiosity again) so I read his text messages on his phone while he was showering and saw some pretty nasty messages shared between him and a random woman( I assume based on the name saved on his phone )

I was never the same after that. The person I thought to be a good man and who I admired for a long time in my life turns out to be a cheater. The image I had of him has been shattered completely. I do not know how long the affair has been going on or who is he having it with but I am absolutely certain he is cheating. My mom has really no idea that anything is going on. I do not blame her because I could not believe what I discovered myself. He gave no indication of having an affair. He treated us all with affection. If I hadn't eavesdropped on him I would have never known ( I wish I didn't eavesdrop).

I spoke to my school counselor yesterday and he told me to forget what happened and it is not my place to interfere in my parent's lives. I was not content and decided to confront my mother. I decided I should tell my mother and was about to tell her earlier today until I saw her watching television with my dad and my younger sister happily. It tore my apart to think what would happen to her and our family if she knew. She would be completely crushed, as I am right now. So I decided to keep quiet. My father doesn't know that I know about his affair but I have a feeling he is suspicious ( I haven't exactly been the best of son these 2 days ).

Right now I'm dying trying to decide to tell my mother or not. Even if I tell her, there is a possibility of her not believing me due to my lack of evidence. I have no evidence , except what I saw. 

Please help !


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

shatteredboy said:


> Hello.
> 
> I came across this website by accident while surfing for websites to ask for some advice. This seems to be a website for spouses but I was hoping to get some advise nonetheless.
> 
> ...


 I would confront your dad about it, first... Tell him if he doesn't tell your mother that you will. 

What did the text messages reveal?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Could you get his cell phone and show her the messages?

Once she sees it, tell her to come here for support?

You are in a bad position because this pits you against your father. But I my son knew about something like this I would hope he would tell me. And I would never tell his father that he was the one who revealed the affair to me. I would protect my son from any repercussions from his father.

She could just tell him that she was suspicious so she checked his cell and found the messages.

“Mom I have something to show you, but you cannot ever tell dad that I am the one who showed you this.” And hand her the phone.

Your parents can recover from this. That’s why I suggest to tell her to come here so that she can get help.


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## Frostrose (Aug 1, 2012)

If I was you tell your mom.Its not fair that he's cheating on her behind her back.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> You are in a bad position because this pits you against your father. But I my son knew about something like this I would hope he would tell me. And I would never tell his father that he was the one who revealed the affair to me. I would protect my son from any repercussions from his father.


Not to irritate a long time member, I remember very well when I was 16, and I wouldn't have been the least bit concerned if my father were to know how he was found out. Hell, it might shake Dad down to his core to realize his own son has more moral fiber than he does. How's THAT for exposure! 

OP, this thread just started yesterday. It may help you in your decision.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/62478-suspecting-dad-possibly-cheating.html


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## shatteredboy (Dec 7, 2012)

ladybird said:


> I would confront your dad about it, first... Tell him if he doesn't tell your mother that you will.
> 
> What did the text messages reveal?



@ladybird, based on what you call it here, after I read his messages I'm certain he is in a emotional affair. The messages were quite sexual in nature but none actually proving he is in a physical affair. There were also a few degrading comments about my mother in those messages. To be honest it was those few insults about my mother that makes me even more angrier because she does everything in her power to make him happy. She gives him plenty of attention and even does little things like cooking his favorite meals. Apparently even that isn't enough for my father.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

3putt said:


> Not to irritate a long time member, I remember very well when I was 16, and I wouldn't have been the least bit concerned if my father were to know how he was found out. Hell, it might shake Dad down to his core to realize his own son has more moral fiber than he does. How's THAT for exposure!
> 
> OP, this thread just started yesterday. It may help you in your decision.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/62478-suspecting-dad-possibly-cheating.html


Now why would I be irritated by your post. You have a valid point that the OP might not care if his father knows that he was the one who outed the affair.

But the OP might care.

The OP sounds like a young man with a good head on his shoulders. It’s up to him to figure out if he cares if his dad knows or not. At least we have given him different options that he can think about.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> The OP sounds like a young man with a good head on his shoulders. It’s up to him to figure out if he cares if his dad knows or not. At least we have given him different options that he can think about.


Agree completely. Can't imagine being 16 years old and having to search for this kind of help. 

Obviously he takes after Mom.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think you should tell your mother what you heard and what you saw. She has a right to know.


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## shatteredboy (Dec 7, 2012)

I do not fear my father. I have been treating him with scorn and hatred for these 2 days. The only reason I'm contemplating telling my mom is because of the pain she will have to go through.

I was a victim of betrayal before too ( girlfriend of few months ). It didn't hurt for long but still did. I understand the pain I went through was nothing compared to being betrayed after years of marriage and with children involved which is exactly why I was hesitating to tell her. 

After reading a few threads and posts here, my opinion changed. I have decided to tell my mother regardless whether she trusts me or not. The anger is just too much for me to keep without killing either myself or my father. Besides, I feel it's better for her to know what a **** my father truly is underneath that nice, caring man facade.

Thank you everybody for your help so far.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

shatteredboy said:


> The anger is just too much for me to keep without killing either myself or my father.


Alright SB, you need to cool your jets on this ridiculous line of thinking. I know you're pissed and upset, but how do you think, if this actually occurred, your mother would feel? Knock this crap off now. She needs you to be strong and be there for her, not talking this insane garbage. Where do you kids come up with this way of thinking anyway? 

Settle down and do what needs to be done. Your mother deserves the truth about her life for certain, but you must abandon these incredibly stupid-assed comments and thoughts about killing. 

NOTHING ON THIS PLANET IS WORTH THAT!! 

I know you're better than this bullcrap.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

3putt said:


> Alright SB, you need to cool your jets on this ridiculous line of thinking. I know you're pissed and upset, but how do you think, if this actually occurred, your mother would feel? Knock this crap off now. She needs you to be strong and be there for her, not talking this insane garbage. Where do you kids come up with this way of thinking anyway?
> 
> Settle down and do what needs to be done. Your mother deserves the truth about her life for certain, but you must abandon these incredibly stupid-assed comments and thoughts about killing.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

SB...think of yourself as the rock for your mom and sister now... they will need you. So don't do anything foolish. Yes these things can cross you mind but that's where it needs to stay.

Don't give your father all the power to destory you.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

1st your school counselor---is full of crap---he just doesn't want to be liable for anything he says---he was not the person to go to

IMHO---talk to your father, and tell him, you know he is having either an EA, or a PA----put it in his hands----see how he wants to handle things------also tell him, either he (your father) tells your mother, or you will tell her----also do not let him bully you----you are still a minor, so he is still responsible for you, and he cannot harm you---so you do not have anything to fear from him


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

SB, this must be tearing you up inside. However you decide to handle it, please find some on, other than that counsellor, whom you can talk to. Ask our family doctor for a referral to a professional counsellor. You shouldn't be trying to cope with this and the possible fallout alone.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Tell your mom. She will deal with it. If not she, no one can. She is the person directly affected.

We had a similar thread, from a 22 year old daughter.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

Your parents marriage can be saved.

For that to happen your mom must be told. Unfortunately the job has fallen on you. You did ask for it but it is now your task to protect your mom and your family.


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## HappyHubby (Aug 16, 2012)

SB. make sure you don't do anything for selfish reasons. I know exactly what you are going through because when I was about 16/17 I walked in on my dad kissing another woman. He didn't see me and I walked out of the room right away. It was weird and awkward. They must have heard me because he came over to where I was soon after and was very awkward. I pretended like nothing happened but I think he suspected I knew. 

He was definitely going through a midlife crisis at that time, had gone back to school to do an MBA at 50. I thought about whether I should tell my mom or not but in the end I decided not to hurt my mom. She was already aware of their "friendship" and was concerned from what I could tell. The OW was a total psycho too... 

In the end it all fell apart and the nutbag hit my dad in the face and wrecked his glasses. haha. I imagine he was breaking up with her... hahhaha. I laughed hard about that. karma. Anyway, he's back to normal and my mom and dad are happy 10 years later.

In your situation, I would talk to your dad first. Tell him to knock it out, its not fair to your mom. Oh and try not to sound like an immature teenager by pulling a 'tough guy' act. JIC


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Tell your mother or show her the evidence yourself whether you see it on the phone and email. She needs to know.

My dad was a gambler and I found $900 of cash after he supposedly quit. It was a good thing I told my mother right away. That $900 was to pay their bills and not for gambling. I know it's not the same, but I wasn't comfortable and I knew I needed to do it. My dad stopped and got the help he needed.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

People on here are mostly Adults I think so the consequnces to them might be a hole lot different then yours.

You are 16 so are you planning on going to college how might a divorce effect that,does your mother have enough income to make it with just you three,yes she would get child support but that is usually not much,how will your sister react if the family comes apart, are you ready to move homes,schools,lose good friends if you do move.

I am not saying tell them or don't tell them but at your age you need to look at everything.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Tell your mother or show her the evidence yourself whether you see it on the phone and email. She needs to know.
> 
> My dad was a gambler and I found $900 of cash after he supposedly quit. It was a good thing I told my mother right away. That $900 was to pay their bills and not for gambling. I know it's not the same, but I wasn't comfortable and I knew I needed to do it. My dad stopped and got the help he needed.


I remember a story where there was a BH that did not know about his WW affair.

His son's found out first.

His 18 and 20 year old son's went and paid the OM a visit on their own. It never was revealed what his boys did during that visit with the OM but when they left the OM the affair was over.


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