# unsure what to do



## mama nabors (Feb 7, 2013)

Me and my husband are expecting our first child on the 17th of this month. We have been married since june. Lately he has had this thing about watching porn. He stopped the last time I told him it bothered me but now I have found that he is doing it again and he's going on omegle and talking sexually to people. Mind you we do have sex. Maybe not quite as often as before but I meam I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant. I'm at a loss for whay to do here. He knows I have trust issues due to my past and he was great at first but now he just keeps hurting me. I just don't know how to go about comfronting him about this again. Can someone please give me some helpful advice and not judge me. He is the father of my son and I want him envovled and he's excited for our son to get here yet he's still doing something that I told him bothered me. Please help


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Dear OP,

One thing you can do is to tell him that you want to watch porn TOGETHER with him. If he is aroused, have sex with him. At least he will not have excuses that you don't meet his needs.

If he does not want to watch porn together with you, only want to watch when he is alone, this is not good, it is selfish, and you should make it clear to him you dislike that. It could also means he is covering something. Be on the alert.

There is also a possibility that he does not enjoy having sex with you due to your pregnancy (he does not want to hurt the baby maybe?), and so he resorting to masturbating himself while watching porn. Find out. If this is his reason, then point out to him that you are still willing to satisfy him even without having to do PIV. No PIV there are still oral. Too queasy for oral? There are still handjobs. So, no excuses.


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## mama nabors (Feb 7, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> Dear OP,
> 
> One thing you can do is to tell him that you want to watch porn TOGETHER with him. If he is aroused, have sex with him. At least he will not have excuses that you don't meet his needs.
> 
> ...


He enjoys having sex with me or he did. He said as long as it won't hurt the baby and the doctor assured him it wouldn't. He just seems more interested in the porn. I have told him it bothers me and he contonues to do it. It used to not be a problem until one day I was all ready for some fun and he wanted to play a damn video game instead and when I got bored and fell asleep he proceeded to go into the next room and watch porn! It hurt so bad. I've tried talking to him and he'll stop for awhile and then he starts again. I just don't know what to do


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Oh my God, I am so sorry to hear that! It must felt terrible!

This is not good, if a man chooses porn over a real-life woman whom are ready and willing to please him. Not a good symptom.

I believe a visit to a marriage counsellor is in order. Something is making him watching porn, and he could be addicted if he is not careful!


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## mama nabors (Feb 7, 2013)

john_lord_b3 said:


> Oh my God, I am so sorry to hear that! It must felt terrible!
> 
> This is not good, if a man chooses porn over a real-life woman whom are ready and willing to please him. Not a good symptom.
> 
> I believe a visit to a marriage counsellor is in order. Something is making him watching porn, and he could be addicted if he is not careful!


Sometimes I just don't feel good enough. I can't count the number of nights I've cried myself to sleep. I'm afraid to talk to my friends about it because I'm truly afraid that their husbands will say something to him. I've suggested counseling but he just shrugs it off...


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Don't just suggest. Insist that you two see a counsellor, because obviously this is a big problem for you. If he loves you and your baby, he should be able to go along with your request, or at least be considerate.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Quick question...how old are you two? 

Truth is men act one of two ways when their wife gets pregnant. Some get totally into it and some are scared by it. I know for me, it was one of the sexiest things seeing my wife pregnant both times. Man, that second trimester was always great sex!


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## Carlchurchill (Jan 23, 2013)

Guys are visual creatures hence we watch porn, natural healthy curiosity...becoming addicted to porn or anything for that matter is a problem ofcourse.


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## mama nabors (Feb 7, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> Quick question...how old are you two?
> 
> Truth is men act one of two ways when they're wife gets pregnant. Some get totally into it and some are scared by it. I know for me, it was one of the sexiest things seeing my wife pregnant both times. Man, that second trimester was always great sex!


We are 20 and 19 but we are out on our own. My husband is going to school for the navy. We have known each other for almost 7 years though and he wasn't like this till we got married.


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## mama nabors (Feb 7, 2013)

Carlchurchill said:


> Guys are visual creatures hence we watch porn, natural healthy curiosity...becoming addicted to porn or anything for that matter is a problem ofcourse.


I have nothing against porn. .. it just feels like he choses it over real sex with me


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

mama nabors said:


> Sometimes I just don't feel good enough. I can't count the number of nights I've cried myself to sleep. I'm afraid to talk to my friends about it because I'm truly afraid that their husbands will say something to him. I've suggested counseling but he just shrugs it off...


What does he say when you said how much it hurts you?

What are your ages and how long have you known each other?


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

mama nabors said:


> We are 20 and 19 but we are out on our own. My husband is going to school for the navy. We have known each other for almost 7 years though and he wasn't like this till we got married.


The good news is you both are young enough and still have things to learn. The bad news is you both are young enough and haven't experienced a lot in life.

I'm going out on a limb and say that your husband is scared. You guys got married...you're having a baby...AND he's getting ready to go to school for the Navy. That is a lot of stuff to have on your plate, especially at a "young" age. Trust me, I'm not saying that to demean anyone. Hell, I wish someone had comforted me when I was 20 and said - you're gonna think about this a lot differently in another 20 years.

Talk. Open up about your feelings. Let him know it's okay for him to be vulnerable and open up, too. Guys tend to clam up and not speak their mind. Usually cuz they don't wanna seem "wimpy" but mostly cuz they don't wanna feel "dumb" or "embarrassed". Trust me...start talking now and you guys will create an awesome future for your marriage. Be honest in your openness. Take a look at any thread in this section or go over to the Coping With Infidelity section ~ you'll find a ton of people with wicked huge issues simply because they didn't communicate.


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