# Help with dating profile



## EnjoliWoman

Photos are dated because some are older like in from of Bellagio with friends (knees up but in coat) 2007, one around 2010 face shot as Carmen Miranda, one in front of Christmas tree, one on the porch, one after hiking to the top of a mountain and another at an awards banquet (both attached here). Full body are one in 2007 captioned new house with my dog (now deceased), one is as Flo from Progressive a few years ago and the other (attached) is Halloween as a bunny dressed up as a playboy bunny (I thought it was witty!) and I have one pic of my daughter playing with our dog. None that are just scenery.

Basic Info is:
Status:	Divorced
Have kids:	1 kid, lives at home
Want kids:	Don’t want kids but OK if partner has kids
Ethnicity:	White
Body:	About average
Height:	5’6”
Faith:	Spiritual but not religions (I figured agnostic was a bit too hardcore in the bible belt)
Smoke:	No way
Drink:	Social

Headline:
I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything.

I am highly self-sufficient but then again, necessity is the mother of invention. I'm still perfectly happy for you to open the door or carry in the heavy bag even if I am completely capable of both. As much as I love my career, I'm old fashioned enough that I'm looking for someone I can greet at the door and make dinner for (or with). I'm not a huge sports fan but happy to bring a drink and a snack while you watch the game - I might even watch as long as it's the Panthers! I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything, and mine is a positive one. I'm looking for someone who enjoys a little bit of everything.

I enjoy big family gatherings or large groups of laughing friends or intimate evenings alone getting close. I love to entertain and I like to try new places in town - in fact it was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year - and I did.  I have a 16 year old daughter that keeps me young (she lives with me primarily). 

I need someone who will challenge me and make me go to the edge and take chances sometimes. I've never backpacked but willing to go (maybe 1-2 nights but not a week!). I've never rafted but REALLY want to go (did the treetop zip line tour at the white water center this past summer and it was fun but HOT!) Sunrise hot air balloon ride (I was going to do this on my birthday but missed it - was raining), train excursions (hello, sleeper car!), a cruise... all things I haven't done but want to. Wanna go? 

I am trying to train for a 5K - my 'record' is only running 1.5 miles straight but I can hike 10 miles without missing a beat. I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. I like cooking healthy foods but also enjoy being a little decadent, too. As my Granddad told me, "all things in moderation". 

*So - feedback?*

ETA - And I've had two initiate via email in 4 months; a handful respond to my emails, a couple winks (which are STUPID) and about 12 photo likes (but they don't email about them) and 258 profile views. Lots of looking, limited action. I have written about 25 emails. Usually something like "I LOVE to fly! How cool! How long have you had a pilot's license?" Usually a question that shows I read their profile, have a similar interest (or admiration) and ask a question which prompts a response.


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## SecondTime'Round

First, take the picture of your daughter off. I don't like when people have pics of their kids on their profiles. 

I'd take out the mother of invention bit and just flow that sentence into the next one. 

For this next part, I'd take out what you've written in parentheses about the ziplining and the hot air ballooning. Just leave it as white water rafting and hot air ballooning are things you want to do. 

I need someone who will challenge me and make me go to the edge and take chances sometimes. I've never backpacked but willing to go (maybe 1-2 nights but not a week!). I've never rafted but REALLY want to go (did the treetop zip line tour at the white water center this past summer and it was fun but HOT!) Sunrise hot air balloon ride (I was going to do this on my birthday but missed it - was raining), train excursions (hello, sleeper car!), a cruise... all things I haven't done but want to. Wanna go? 

Also, when you talk about the 5K I'd take out the part about the 1.5 miles. Just say you're training for one.

I'm a woman so I don't have feedback on the pics....I think you need a guy's perspective for that .


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## SARAHMCD

_I need someone who will challenge me and make me go to the edge and take chances sometimes. I've never backpacked but willing to go (maybe 1-2 nights but not a week!). I've never rafted but REALLY want to go (did the treetop zip line tour at the white water center this past summer and it was fun but HOT!) Sunrise hot air balloon ride (I was going to do this on my birthday but missed it - was raining), train excursions (hello, sleeper car!), a cruise... all things I haven't done but want to. Wanna go?

I am trying to train for a 5K - my 'record' is only running 1.5 miles straight but I can hike 10 miles without missing a beat. I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. I like cooking healthy foods but also enjoy being a little decadent, too. As my Granddad told me, "all things in moderation".
_

In the first paragraph I copied, first list things you have done, like ziplining - and how much you enjoyed it (no negatives about the weather). Perhaps add one more? Then list things you would like to try someday without the stipulations. In other words, saying you'd like backpacking, but not a whole week of it, is something you could discuss in person. Leave out "I'd be willing to". To me, that says "if I HAVE to in order for you to be happy". I'm sure that's not how you meant it, but that's what I hear. 

Also, I agree with STR, leave out the fact you've only reached 1.5 miles so far or the word "trying". Just say you're actively training for a 5k. 
I also agree, no kids in the photos. 
I also don't feel I can comment on the photos. Hopefully the guys will jump in!


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## EnjoliWoman

Thanks for your feedback.

I really tried to not misrepresent what I'm capable of (i.e. running a 5K) or my level of adventurousness. Seems like there are a lot of very fit, type A adventurous guys out there and I'm definitely type B with type A envy. 

Why no pics of kids? I didn't when she was little - didn't want to attract any pedophiles. But I see a lot of guys posting them. We're a package deal, after all. I limited it to one so it doesn't look like I have no life besides being a mother. I don't like it when all or nearly all of a guy's photos are with his kids, though. It looks like he's either trying to hard to look like the perfect catch OR he dotes a little too much on them (which makes he worry that he'll have the 'my kids do no wrong' attitude about them).

It will be interesting to see what the guys say, too.

ETA now that I see Sarah's comments... I see how some things could be negative or could elaborate more in person.


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## bkyln309

Personally I think the one is the costume is abit "weird". I dont think that is a positive for most men. Rather have a regular full body shot.


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## Rowan

I think one picture _with_ your daughter would be fine. Make it one showing the two of you doing something fun. 

I agree that pictures where you're in costume can come across as "this woman is a weirdo" rather than "this gal's fun!" which is I'm sure what you intended. 

I also agree with the others, take out all the qualifiers. I know you don't want to be accused of false advertising and want to be as honest as possible. But I think you've gone too far the other way. It sort of sounds like you're a bit apologetic about the things you haven't done or the milestones you haven't reached yet. 

And get some really smoking hot, brand-new, pictures! Preferably ones taken by another person, with a real camera, edited advantageously, with good lighting.


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## EnjoliWoman

You all are right about my intentions - but if it doesn't come across as fun or willing to get and and try new things, then that should change. 

OK, good feedback from the women!


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## EnjoliWoman

I feel odd asking people to take my photo but I guess I need to.


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## SecondTime'Round

16 year old girls aren't immune to pedophiles . My policy is no pics of kids regardless of age. Just a preference.

This cracked me up: I really tried to not misrepresent what I'm capable of (i.e. running a 5K) or my level of adventurousness. Seems like there are a lot of very fit, type A adventurous guys out there and I'm definitely type B with type A envy. 

But don't sell yourself short. A 5K is not the Tough Mudder so you're not inaccurately stating your a fitness fanatic by saying you're training for one. I had the same thing as my goal before I turned 40. I ran it the day before I turned 40 .


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## EnjoliWoman

God help the guy who tries anything on my daughter. She's a handful, takes no BS, is strong as heck from gymnastics and knows some basic self defense. But true that the men don't know that. Although listing I have a daughter could still attract one. I'll remove that and find one of just the dog or me and the dog.

And true that listing I'm not yet able to do a 5K doesn't exactly attract the guy who wants to bike 20 miles. I just don't want anyone to think I'm "athletic". I'm not. I just don't want to live out my days on the couch. 

Going out with friends Saturday; I'll be sure to look good and get them to take some photos for me.


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## SamuraiJack

No kids pics...too many predators out there.
Also, the rest of the pics suggest a theme wearing disguises. Try some more gals afterrnoon/night out shots.

The challenge me part comes out as either a defiant statement or that you might be high maintainece. Just an observation.

Also, try to make sure that the last paragraph and the second to last dont seem to contradict each other. They seem to tell two different stories for me. Like I thought "Wait she can hike ten miles but has never gone backpacking? What about daypacking?"

Also there is NO mention of your willingness to have "Wild Monkey Sex"...anywhere...

Last one is a joke...just so you know.
My friends say Im too subtle.


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## Rowan

EnjoliWoman said:


> I feel odd asking people to take my photo but I guess I need to.


I had a girlfriend who's good with a camera come over, we opened a bottle of wine, and did a photo shoot specifically for my online dating profile. 

We went through my closet and chose several outfits, and then posed me as if for different activities in different spots in my house/yard. It honestly looks like random candid shots of me doing stuff. You really can't tell they were all taken on the same night, or even in the same location. It was fun, we giggled, and I got several pictures that were perfect for filling the gaps in the actual candid shots in my profile.


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## GTdad

Internet dating seems like something of a nightmare. The amount of crafting the best profile and attention to detail apparently required is a little daunting.

I'm not in the market so nobody take this the wrong way, but I look at Enjoli's profile and think "she's pretty and sounds like a cool person".


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## EnjoliWoman

Well I said that I wanted someone who enjoys a little bit of everything. And I said I wanted someone who challenges me. (Would saying 'helps get me out of my comfort zone' be better?) I also said " I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. " And I imply I'd want someone to do the things with that I listed. I think that along with the height/body/age/non-smoking/income requirements (I only omitted the 28-35K range so basically "employed at something that is above minimum wage") pretty much list it all. Is that not enough?? Not sure what else to say.


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## Rowan

I never know what to put about the man I'm looking for either. Somehow I haven't managed to come up with a non-b!tchy way to say that I want a gainfully employed, not crazy, non-cheating, not narcissistic, not pathologically conflict avoidant, functional adult who can feed himself and wash his own socks. Is there a checkbox so you can set it to filter for that?


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## EnjoliWoman

"Talking aloud" here...

I want someone who is financially secure (but that sounds like a gold digger when all I want is to not be a sugar momma and have them contribute financially and not be in a heapload of debt without the means to pay it).

I want someone who has a sense of adventure and curious about the world (hence the things I'd like to do and 'invite' them to join - grew up around too many people who never left the county).



I want someone with good teeth and good hygiene - doesn't have to be in a toothpaste commercial, just normal. A little imperfect is fine but cared for. Same with his body - I love the Dad bod like the weekend warrior types. A little softness, not cut but stays relatively active. Taller than me. Aside from teeth, that is addressed in the basic section - average build, non-smoker, social drinker, workout 3-5x a week.

I'm not overly specific. I like it if he has his own hobbies, some I might try and join in; otherwise I can keep myself occupied with my own stuff.


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## SecondTime'Round

Rowan said:


> I had a girlfriend who's good with a camera come over, we opened a bottle of wine, and did a photo shoot specifically for my online dating profile.
> 
> We went through my closet and chose several outfits, and then posed me as if for different activities in different spots in my house/yard. It honestly looks like random candid shots of me doing stuff. You really can't tell they were all taken on the same night, or even in the same location. It was fun, we giggled, and I got several pictures that were perfect for filling the gaps in the actual candid shots in my profile.


That's funny . Sounds like fun!


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## EnjoliWoman

I don't mind cooking and laundry but he has to balance that with yard work and washing my car, etc. As long as it's equitable, I don't care what he prefers. I can do it all and have been for 10 years.


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## Wolf1974

EnjoliWoman said:


> Photos are dated because some are older like in from of Bellagio with friends (knees up but in coat) 2007, one around 2010 face shot as Carmen Miranda, one in front of Christmas tree, one on the porch, one after hiking to the top of a mountain and another at an awards banquet (both attached here). Full body are one in 2007 captioned new house with my dog (now deceased), one is as Flo from Progressive a few years ago and the other (attached) is Halloween as a bunny dressed up as a playboy bunny (I thought it was witty!) and I have one pic of my daughter playing with our dog. None that are just scenery.
> 
> Basic Info is:
> Status:	Divorced
> Have kids:	1 kid, lives at home
> Want kids:	Don’t want kids but OK if partner has kids
> Ethnicity:	White
> Body:	About average
> Height:	5’6”
> Faith:	Spiritual but not religions (I figured agnostic was a bit too hardcore in the bible belt)
> Smoke:	No way
> Drink:	Social
> 
> Headline:
> I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything.
> this is a great opening line but change to "I'm up for most anything and think attitude is everything
> 
> I am highly self-sufficient but then again, necessity is the mother of invention. I'm still perfectly happy for you to open the door or carry in the heavy bag even if I am completely capable of both. As much as I love my career, I'm old fashioned enough that I'm looking for someone I can greet at the door and make dinner for (or with). I'm not a huge sports fan but happy to bring a drink and a snack while you watch the game - I might even watch as long as it's the Panthers! I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything, and mine is a positive one. I'm looking for someone who enjoys a little bit of everything.
> 
> honestly this whole first paragraph has got to go. The part about about old fashioned and making dinner for the first time I read it came across as you don't want to work and would be happy to be a stay at home wife. Second time I read it I realized that wasn't what you meant but most aren't going to read this more than once. You used the "up for anything" in opening...repeating it seems like no direction so whole thing should go.
> 
> I enjoy big family gatherings or large groups of laughing friends or intimate evenings alone getting close. I love to entertain and I like to try new places in town - in fact it was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year - and I did.  I have a 16 year old daughter that keeps me young (she lives with me primarily).
> this is good. Shows your not an introvert and that you're not afraid to go out. Also showes you have good family and friends bonds...very good
> 
> I need someone who will challenge me and make me go to the edge and take chances sometimes. I've never backpacked but willing to go (maybe 1-2 nights but not a week!). I've never rafted but REALLY want to go (did the treetop zip line tour at the white water center this past summer and it was fun but HOT!) Sunrise hot air balloon ride (I was going to do this on my birthday but missed it - was raining), train excursions (hello, sleeper car!), a cruise... all things I haven't done but want to. Wanna go?
> . This paragraph sounds to me like this. I have a ton a things I want to do in life...but I haven't done them. So then the question becomes why? You can balance this by listing the things you have done then list the things you are interested in trying. So for example ((((I have traveled here, biked here, hiked here. What I would love to try. Is white water rafting can you recommend a spot)))). I phrased this way because it's going to become really important later see below
> 
> I am trying to train for a 5K - my 'record' is only running 1.5 miles straight but I can hike 10 miles without missing a beat. I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. I like cooking healthy foods but also enjoy being a little decadent, too. As my Granddad told me, "all things in moderation".
> this just needs to be reworded. (((I like to stay active. I hike and run, currently training for my first 5 k, not sure which one to do in the area. Do you have any recommendations?)))). Again this will become important in a second
> *So - feedback?*
> 
> ETA - And I've had two initiate via email in 4 months; a handful respond to my emails, a couple winks (which are STUPID) and about 12 photo likes (but they don't email about them) and 258 profile views. Lots of looking, limited action. I have written about 25 emails. Usually something like "I LOVE to fly! How cool! How long have you had a pilot's license?" Usually a question that shows I read their profile, have a similar interest (or admiration) and ask a question which prompts a response.


Ok please don't shoot the messenger. I am honestly trying to help:

The pictures should never ever be more than 2 years old unless it is something really unique. For example a pic of you on the last trip you took to Paris 3 years ago. That's ok if it's dated.

You will Want min of three pics never more than 5. One close showing your smile...you have a great one! One full body shot and one of you actively doing something...hiking would be good. No pics of kids, dogs, cats, friends or scenery. 100% no guys even if it's your brother.

The format of the profile needs to be simplified and follow a basic structure. Here is the truth....guys generally pick who they will contact by pictures alone and then they look at the profile as a way in. This is why I typed general questions into your profile. it gives a guy an opportunity to say hey they dirty dash in is August. It's a blast... You should try it.... That's is the way they can break the ice with you.

Format should be. Opening line, you have a great one
Basic facts about you
Basic facts on what your looking for....no mention of money, stable career, good with kids none of it. Just I am looking for an active guy, great sense of humor and so on.

The entire profile should aim to be 4 or less paragraphs because if it's too much they check out.

Hope that can help some


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## Rowan

EW, be careful using the phrase "up for anything". At least in my area, that's code for a serious party girl looking for NSA sex. That may be a local thing that won't be a concern for you, but I'd still run it by a male friend or two in your area and see how it reads to them.


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## EnjoliWoman

OK I get that. No messenger shooting.  That is helpful. Everyone has some good points. 

New pics, no kids/pets, more about what I have done and would like to do with nothing negative about those experiences, however minor. 

I had used the older pics years ago and just left them when I reactivated the account and didn't see much wrong with that since I did have some current ones. It does seem if it's not a selfie, the only time my photo was taken was on Halloween! And although I am invited to an annual party, this isn't the place to post it. But since I've lost 50 pounds it's just as well I don't have old photos up, anyway. 

I'll leave the windblown hiking one because I think it shows I'm not too uptight about keeping my hair and makeup perfect and I will get at least one good full body shot while out with the girls this weekend. 

Everyone that hikes with the meetup group ends up posting photos so I will try to be in some good ones of the next hike - so far I've been crouched in front or peeking out from behind a tree (while playful it looks like I'm hiding my body) so those aren't any good. 

Back to the drawing board! I'll fix it later so any more tips still welcome.


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## Wolf1974

Rowan said:


> EW, be careful using the phrase "up for anything". At least in my area, that's code for a serious party girl looking for NSA sex. I was told by a male friend to never, ever, say any such thing on my profile. That may be a local thing that won't be a concern for you, but I'd still run it by a male friend or two in your area.


That's why I phrased it specifically that way. Has those types show their hand quickly so you can promptly ignor them


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## EnjoliWoman

Rowan said:


> EW, be careful using the phrase "up for anything". At least in my area, that's code for a serious party girl looking for NSA sex. That may be a local thing that won't be a concern for you, but I'd still run it by a male friend or two in your area and see how it reads to them.


Oh. 

Yeah to me that means I'll go to any event, try any outdoor activity or travel anywhere.

Yikes.


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## Observer

Wolf1974 said:


> Ok please don't shoot the messenger. I am honestly trying to help:
> 
> The pictures should never ever be more than 2 years old unless it is something really unique. For example a pic of you on the last trip you took to Paris 3 years ago. That's ok if it's dated.
> 
> You will Want min of three pics never more than 5. One close showing your smile...you have a great one! One full body shot and one of you actively doing something...hiking would be good. No pics of kids, dogs, cats, friends or scenery. 100% no guys even if it's your brother.
> 
> The format of the profile needs to be simplified and follow a basic structure. Here is the truth....guys generally pick who they will contact by pictures alone and then they look at the profile as a way in. This is why I typed general questions into your profile. it gives a guy an opportunity to say hey they dirty dash in is August. It's a blast... You should try it.... That's is the way they can break the ice with you.
> 
> Format should be. Opening line, you have a great one
> Basic facts about you
> Basic facts on what your looking for....no mention of money, stable career, good with kids none of it. Just I am looking for an active guy, great sense of humor and so on.
> 
> The entire profile should aim to be 4 or less paragraphs because if it's too much they check out.
> 
> Hope that can help some


Solid advice. I met my wife on Match so it works. It took me a while to find her as I never showed up in her matches because my height was not as tall as she had listed in her preferences. If you are not careful, you may pass up the perfect guy if you exclude people based off your criteria. Be prepared to go on lots of dates and meet lots of duds, treat them all as learning experience and be patient.

Good luck!


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## 3Xnocharm

I would take current pictures. I know when I look at profiles of men and all their pics are like 5 years old, it totally puts me off. I want to see what you look like NOW, not back then. 

ETA...OOPS! I just saw that you say you have some current ones as well. I would just take down the older ones altogether....


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## MEM2020

Enjoli,
I really like your write up. I would do as the other poster suggested and make the minor tweaks they mentioned - no need to say you haven't run more than a 1.5 miles, etc.

I'm guessing that many/most people on dating sites put a fair amount of effort into their photo selections. 

Honestly, I think the photos you selected aren't helping you. They are friendly but have minimal sex appeal. 

You don't have to do a bikini shoot. How about pics of you in shorts and a short sleeved shirt. 


QUOTE=EnjoliWoman;12560090]Photos are dated because some are older like in from of Bellagio with friends (knees up but in coat) 2007, one around 2010 face shot as Carmen Miranda, one in front of Christmas tree, one on the porch, one after hiking to the top of a mountain and another at an awards banquet (both attached here). Full body are one in 2007 captioned new house with my dog (now deceased), one is as Flo from Progressive a few years ago and the other (attached) is Halloween as a bunny dressed up as a playboy bunny (I thought it was witty!) and I have one pic of my daughter playing with our dog. None that are just scenery.

Basic Info is:
Status:	Divorced
Have kids:	1 kid, lives at home
Want kids:	Don’t want kids but OK if partner has kids
Ethnicity:	White
Body:	About average
Height:	5’6”
Faith:	Spiritual but not religions (I figured agnostic was a bit too hardcore in the bible belt)
Smoke:	No way
Drink:	Social

Headline:
I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything.

I am highly self-sufficient but then again, necessity is the mother of invention. I'm still perfectly happy for you to open the door or carry in the heavy bag even if I am completely capable of both. As much as I love my career, I'm old fashioned enough that I'm looking for someone I can greet at the door and make dinner for (or with). I'm not a huge sports fan but happy to bring a drink and a snack while you watch the game - I might even watch as long as it's the Panthers! I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything, and mine is a positive one. I'm looking for someone who enjoys a little bit of everything.

I enjoy big family gatherings or large groups of laughing friends or intimate evenings alone getting close. I love to entertain and I like to try new places in town - in fact it was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year - and I did.  I have a 16 year old daughter that keeps me young (she lives with me primarily). 

I need someone who will challenge me and make me go to the edge and take chances sometimes. I've never backpacked but willing to go (maybe 1-2 nights but not a week!). I've never rafted but REALLY want to go (did the treetop zip line tour at the white water center this past summer and it was fun but HOT!) Sunrise hot air balloon ride (I was going to do this on my birthday but missed it - was raining), train excursions (hello, sleeper car!), a cruise... all things I haven't done but want to. Wanna go? 

I am trying to train for a 5K - my 'record' is only running 1.5 miles straight but I can hike 10 miles without missing a beat. I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. I like cooking healthy foods but also enjoy being a little decadent, too. As my Granddad told me, "all things in moderation". 

*So - feedback?*

ETA - And I've had two initiate via email in 4 months; a handful respond to my emails, a couple winks (which are STUPID) and about 12 photo likes (but they don't email about them) and 258 profile views. Lots of looking, limited action. I have written about 25 emails. Usually something like "I LOVE to fly! How cool! How long have you had a pilot's license?" Usually a question that shows I read their profile, have a similar interest (or admiration) and ask a question which prompts a response.[/QUOTE]


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## gouge_away

I'm not in your target age group, or location, but kid picks bad idea here.

I say this because people may light-stalk your kids to get a look at you, if say they see your kids around town, school, ect. They all of a sudden know too much.

You do not want people to approach your child to get to you, especially if you already blew them off for being a creeper.


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## Wolf1974

Observer said:


> Solid advice. I met my wife on Match so it works. It took me a while to find her as I never showed up in her matches because my height was not as tall as she had listed in her preferences. If you are not careful, you may pass up the perfect guy if you exclude people based off your criteria. Be prepared to go on lots of dates and meet lots of duds, treat them all as learning experience and be patient.
> 
> Good luck!



Putting these profiles through the lens of the gender you want to attract helps. My Gf found me on Match after my female friend fixed my profile.

I found her her husband after I did the same lol. 

You are right about dating in general. I seriously have gone on well over 100 first dates. Most were duds


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## Holland

Firstly you are a gorgeous woman that is clearly into life and enjoying what it has to offer.

My 2c worth (from experience)

Only put recent photos.
no kid pics EVER, don't even mention how many and what genders.
Cut your profile into half the amount of words. Bullet points work well.

It is a number crunching exercise, many will not read your profile fully to start with. I found it better to say less on the profile and more in a live chat. It is easier to work through the players and duds in live chat.

Be short, sweet and succinct. Good luck EW, you are a fab woman


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## SecondTime'Round

EnjoliWoman said:


> *It does seem if it's not a selfie, the only time my photo was taken was on Halloween! *And although I am invited to an annual party, this isn't the place to post it. But since I've lost 50 pounds it's just as well I don't have old photos up, anyway.
> 
> I'll leave the windblown hiking one because I think it shows I'm not too uptight about keeping my hair and makeup perfect and I will get at least one good full body shot while out with the girls this weekend.
> 
> Everyone that hikes with the meetup group ends up posting photos so I will try to be in some good ones of the next hike - so far I've been crouched in front or peeking out from behind a tree (while playful it looks like I'm hiding my body) so those aren't any good.
> 
> Back to the drawing board! I'll fix it later so any more tips still welcome.


Haha! That made me laugh . 

I agree with you about the wind blown pic. That's a nice pic of you .


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## EnjoliWoman

*OK so here is the re-write. Still too long? I'm not sure bullet points say enough but I did think it needed to be more succinct. I could leave out the entire last paragraph, probably. I want someone who would enjoy a cross country trip where we stop at diners and the largest ball of twine and the house made of bottles and yet still want to visit the Louvre and Mayan ruins. Is that so hard to find?  Maybe I DO need to add Monkey Sex.*

I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything.

I'm looking for someone who enjoys doing a little bit of everything, has a great smile and laughs easily, is generally easy-going in nature and has a positive disposition.

I enjoy big family gatherings or large groups of laughing friends or intimate evenings alone getting close. I love to entertain and I like to try new places in town - in fact it was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year - and I did. 

I am training for my first 5K and I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. I like cooking healthy foods but sometimes a pizza night is just right.

I need someone who will help get me out of my comfort zone and take chances. There are lots of things I’d like to try such as overnight backpacking, rafting, a hot air balloon ride, train excursions (hello, sleeper car!) or a cruise, and I want to visit more places than I can list.

Things I’ve done and enjoyed recently include the treetop zip line tour at the white water center, a 10 mile hike up Crowder’s Mountain and across the ridge and a Segway tour of historic uptown. I also enjoy a night at the theatre, fine dining, wine tastings and trips to interesting/historic places.


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## SecondTime'Round

EnjoliWoman said:


> *OK so here is the re-write. Still too long? I'm not sure bullet points say enough but I did think it needed to be more succinct. I could leave out the entire last paragraph, probably. I want someone who would enjoy a cross country trip where we stop at diners and the largest ball of twine and the house made of bottles and yet still want to visit the Louvre and Mayan ruins. Is that so hard to find?  Maybe I DO need to add Monkey Sex.*
> 
> I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything.
> 
> I'm looking for someone who enjoys doing a little bit of everything, has a great smile and laughs easily, is generally easy-going in nature and has a positive disposition.
> 
> I enjoy big family gatherings or large groups of laughing friends or intimate evenings alone getting close. I love to entertain and I like to try new places in town - in fact it was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year - and I did.
> 
> I am training for my first 5K and I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. I like cooking healthy foods but sometimes a pizza night is just right.
> 
> I need someone who will help get me out of my comfort zone and take chances. There are lots of things I’d like to try such as overnight backpacking, rafting, a hot air balloon ride, train excursions (hello, sleeper car!) or a cruise, and I want to visit more places than I can list.
> 
> Things I’ve done and enjoyed recently include the treetop zip line tour at the white water center, a 10 mile hike up Crowder’s Mountain and across the ridge and a Segway tour of historic uptown. I also enjoy a night at the theatre, fine dining, wine tastings and trips to interesting/historic places.



I think it sounds great, and I'd actually end it with what you put in bold because I think it is funny. I'd end it like this: So basically I'd be interested in someone who would enjoy a cross country trip where we stop at diners and the largest ball of twine and the house made of bottles and yet still want to visit the Louvre and Mayan ruins.


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## Wolf1974

EnjoliWoman said:


> *OK so here is the re-write. Still too long? I'm not sure bullet points say enough but I did think it needed to be more succinct. I could leave out the entire last paragraph, probably. I want someone who would enjoy a cross country trip where we stop at diners and the largest ball of twine and the house made of bottles and yet still want to visit the Louvre and Mayan ruins. Is that so hard to find?  Maybe I DO need to add Monkey Sex.*
> 
> I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything.
> 
> I'm looking for someone who enjoys doing a little bit of everything, has a great smile and laughs easily, is generally easy-going in nature and has a positive disposition.
> 
> I enjoy big family gatherings or large groups of laughing friends or intimate evenings alone getting close. I love to entertain and I like to try new places in town - in fact it was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year - and I did.
> 
> I am training for my first 5K and I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. I like cooking healthy foods but sometimes a pizza night is just right.
> 
> I need someone who will help get me out of my comfort zone and take chances. There are lots of things I’d like to try such as overnight backpacking, rafting, a hot air balloon ride, train excursions (hello, sleeper car!) or a cruise, and I want to visit more places than I can list.
> 
> Things I’ve done and enjoyed recently include the treetop zip line tour at the white water center, a 10 mile hike up Crowder’s Mountain and across the ridge and a Segway tour of historic uptown. I also enjoy a night at the theatre, fine dining, wine tastings and trips to interesting/historic places.


Ejoli 

What is th age demographic you are hoping to attract here?

Also do you like any professional sports? Baseball, football hockey?


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## bkyln309

Bullet points work well with men. They just browse each profile anyway.

I want to agree with about being careful with age ranges and exclusions. The man I am dating now (who is fabulous) was outside of my criteria in age. In fact, I only messaged him to give him grief about a baseball team. We ended up just clicking and its been great. Is he older than I would have liked? Yes but in every other way, he has exceeded my expectations as a man and as a person. I would have missed him altogether due to what I felt was ideal. 

Also be careful with the list of expensive adventures. Some men translate that to she has expensive tastes!!!


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## EnjoliWoman

Wolf1974 said:


> Ejoli
> 
> What is th age demographic you are hoping to attract here?
> 
> Also do you like any professional sports? Baseball, football hockey?


I'm 47 - I put 45-55.

I really don't care to watch sports on TV. I don't mind if an SO does - I'll sit there with him and read or do my own thing. Although I don't want someone who only wants to mow on Saturday, dinner and movie then football on Sunday and that's the extent of his life. I see a LOT of that. 

Now live games are cool because there is a certain excitement in the air - it becomes a social event, too. Been to a few football games and learned the basics on how it's played (tho I still don't understand all of it) and I like baseball (tho we don't have a pro team so games are Thursdays; I can't go). Never been into hockey mostly due to perceived violence. I hate watching people get into fights. Or boxing, etc. History/triggers.

As to expensive things/destinations, I think I put a lot that isn't expensive - I would think as a couple we should be able to afford 3-4 weekend getaways a year and a week somewhere. Every couple years a major destination. I'd rather have a small home that leaves a lot of disposable income. No desire to keep up a McMansion. I don't want to clean it, mow it, heat or cool it or maintain it. I'm VERY happy with my 1500 sq ft with large screened porch. I've had 3500 on 2 acres and frankly don't want it unless he can afford a house keeper and a lawn company. In fact, a tight community of smaller homes is more my style. I like knowing my neighbors; not keeping up with them.

And unless he's doing a start-up operation, I expect he earns as much as me although I gave SOME leeway in salary for the guy and started at 35K, because if he makes that and is a teacher, then he is intelligent and curious and we might be a good match. If he is in construction and treats it as a skilled craft and can appreciate cool architecture, we're a good match. But mostly below that we don't have the same values, desires or drives.

I know that might seem snobby but it's really about interests. I know quite a few men who make less that that and the majority of them are the type who want to eat dinner and watch TV during the week, then do yard work on Saturday, maybe go see a movie and eat at a chain and on Sunday settle in for a day of football. I would be bored out of my MIND.

On the flip side, I've met men who earned well over 6-figures and they tend to be type A, ultra driven, very athletic, want a wife who is a 10, value education to the point that I would not be on their radar due to lack of a formal education and worldy yet judgmental. 

These are all assumptions, yes. I'm looking for the eclectic. The educated, curious mind who isn't driven by dollars, tho he likes nice things. Someone curious and interested/interesting who loves seeing and learning new things and talking about them excitedly. Yet stable and responsible enough to understand bills need to be paid.


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## arbitrator

*Enjoli: Dadgum it, Hon: You are one great looking lady! If you were anywhere near the Central Texas/Houston area, I'd be hitting on you myself!

As yet another TAM'er who has profiles posted on a few dating sites(eHarmony, POF, and *******) and seem to attract only the interests of either ladies older than I am or from a plethora of various foreign countries, I often think that my advanced writing skills along with my rough Texas exterior tends to scare a lot of them away! But by the same token, I'm also a rather picky guy who wants his woman to possess not only some smarts and common sense, but some sophistication, and a marked sense of humor and internal spirituality as well!

Regarding your profile, it looks pretty darn good as is. But I'd wholeheartedly agree that a photo of your lovely daughter is no place for a dating profile. In your description, do not invoke any negativity, unless, of course, you are poking fun at yourself showing the world that you do possess a great sense of humor! And picture wise, please use primarily current photos and absolutely no "selfies!" With that, I could not agree more!

Just from an aesthetic point of view, you seem to be one "hunk" of a lady who should not be out on the market for any discernible period of time!

Go get'em Tiger!*


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## EnjoliWoman

Aw, that's sweet, Arbitrator. But I have been on the market for a long time - 10+ years. Although I'm often not actively looking for anyone and have spent most of my time raising my daughter and working. I can be a bit too blunt and a bit too hard headed and I'm pretty selective. After all of these years I'm not going to settle. I could have done that long ago.


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## arbitrator

EnjoliWoman said:


> Aw, that's sweet, Arbitrator. But I have been on the market for a long time - 10+ years. Although I'm often not actively looking for anyone and have spent most of my time raising my daughter and working. I can be a bit too blunt and a bit too hard headed and I'm pretty selective. After all of these years I'm not going to settle. I could have done that long ago.


* Then in that regard, we're "two peas in a pod"! I know that I should have been far more selective the last "go-around" and have consequentially paid a rather hefty price for it! Operating under my old archaic standards ~ well, that ol' dog just ain't gonna hunt anymore!

Like you, I'm going to be far more selective in the future ~ well, I just think that I preeminently owe it to myself to do so!*


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## Wolf1974

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm 47 - I put 45-55.
> 
> *I really don't care to watch sports on TV. I don't mind if an SO does - I'll sit there with him and read or do my own thing. Although I don't want someone who only wants to mow on Saturday, dinner and movie then football on Sunday and that's the extent of his life. I see a LOT of that. *
> 
> Now live games are cool because there is a certain excitement in the air - it becomes a social event, too. Been to a few football games and learned the basics on how it's played (tho I still don't understand all of it) and I like baseball (tho we don't have a pro team so games are Thursdays; I can't go). Never been into hockey mostly due to perceived violence. I hate watching people get into fights. Or boxing, etc. History/triggers.
> 
> As to expensive things/destinations, I think I put a lot that isn't expensive - I would think as a couple we should be able to afford 3-4 weekend getaways a year and a week somewhere. Every couple years a major destination. I'd rather have a small home that leaves a lot of disposable income. No desire to keep up a McMansion. I don't want to clean it, mow it, heat or cool it or maintain it. I'm VERY happy with my 1500 sq ft with large screened porch. I've had 3500 on 2 acres and frankly don't want it unless he can afford a house keeper and a lawn company. In fact, a tight community of smaller homes is more my style. I like knowing my neighbors; not keeping up with them.
> 
> And unless he's doing a start-up operation, I expect he earns as much as me although I gave SOME leeway in salary for the guy and started at 35K, because if he makes that and is a teacher, then he is intelligent and curious and we might be a good match. If he is in construction and treats it as a skilled craft and can appreciate cool architecture, we're a good match. But mostly below that we don't have the same values, desires or drives.
> 
> I know that might seem snobby but it's really about interests. I know quite a few men who make less that that and the majority of them are the type who want to eat dinner and watch TV during the week, then do yard work on Saturday, maybe go see a movie and eat at a chain and on Sunday settle in for a day of football. I would be bored out of my MIND.
> 
> On the flip side, I've met men who earned well over 6-figures and they tend to be type A, ultra driven, very athletic, want a wife who is a 10, value education to the point that I would not be on their radar due to lack of a formal education and worldy yet judgmental.
> 
> These are all assumptions, yes. I'm looking for the eclectic. The educated, curious mind who isn't driven by dollars, tho he likes nice things. Someone curious and interested/interesting who loves seeing and learning new things and talking about them excitedly. Yet stable and responsible enough to understand bills need to be paid.


Sounds like bliss to me, except the all day yard work sat. I spend that hiking or running errands taking kids to the pool or whatever but yep Sunday is beer, wings and football lol 

This is why I asked though. It's ok not to be into football or any sport. But if you are then it's a huge point that should be stated . My x wife would basically never hang with me for football which sucked. My GF loves football. Watches games with me, though generally only our team, goes to the games with me, I'm a season ticket holder, so all that is important to me.

I think the proflile as written is good for the age demographic you are looking at. Nothing wrong with having minimum money requirements at all just don't state it ever in a profile. All that will come out organically when you start communicating. 

Ok so where are the new pics???


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## EnjoliWoman

Regarding money - that's in the "my match" preference section. I selected the options starting at 35K and I put my salary range, though I'm thinking of removing it. 

New pics will come sometime after Saturday.  I'm using the two on the front page of my thread and ditching the bunny and my friend said she'd get some good full body shots Saturday and we worked out an outfit of skinny jeans rolled up, black sandals and told me to get/wear a top that is kind of sexy. I might have to shop. I usually look for "pretty" not "sexy" and approved of my normal hair (down) and makeup (light). LOL


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## Morcoll

A couple things-- have you googled this topic? I am sure you have but something small to stand out is huge. I am on match and going to go back and look at some that I liked. 

Honestly, as a guy and all guys are visual, that is clearly the first step. I personally not a fan of the 'suit' pic either, BUT I do prefer kid pics. I am divorced dad of 2 and have pics with my kids. I want women who appreciate that and, well, I think you would want men who appreciate and will UNDERSTAND that. Now, you do not have to have a pic to express this, but seeing it is more effective....and really endearing. Id keep a picture of you and your girl in there. 

(Having said that, I am more trusting than most. I do not believe people go on match to exploit children. I might be in the minority here I guess...)

Also, just a thought, but if you have a unique talent or passion, definitely mention it. I have a cousin who is an amazing sketch artist and I told him to put at least one of his pieces in there, definitely stands out and shows more of who he is. I am a poet. For real. Cant really put a poem on there but it is in my profile and shows I have passion. 

Just some thoughts. Hope these help. And yes, you are pretty....


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## Morcoll

EnjoliWoman said:


> Aw, that's sweet, Arbitrator. But I have been on the market for a long time - 10+ years. Although I'm often not actively looking for anyone and have spent most of my time raising my daughter and working. I can be a bit too blunt and a bit too hard headed and I'm pretty selective. After all of these years I'm not going to settle. I could have done that long ago.


The best luck I have had in approaching this is that it is not about actually finding that 'someone' but just meeting new people and enjoying that. No endgame, no expectations (of anything more). 

So as far as 'actively looking for someone', you don't have to be to take a couple hours to meet for coffee. And no need to be 'selective' (other than how you choose to spend your time) if it isn't a prospective LTR partner, which you should not see it as (IMO).


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## Tomara

I am on Match, joined a week ago. I have been talking to a couple guys already and been on a couple of dates. I would not put pictures of my kids on my profile. I have provided but a hint of what I am looking for only because it does get the guys to ask more question. Maybe a little less wordy and a little more intriguing? Remember in your pictures that guys are very visual so the profile picture needs to make the guy want to look at your profile. Don't know if that helps ......internet dating is a pain in the ......


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## arbitrator

* I absolutely refuse to place any of my fin-stats/earnings into a dating profile, per se.

But I certainly take the time to read the others posted financial info and related commentary, as it's often a dead giveaway as to who the real "gold-diggers" are out there in cyberspace!

And basically weed out all of those whose primary interest is looking for money/security much rather than looking for a meaningful relationship!*


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## EnjoliWoman

Morcoll said:


> The best luck I have had in approaching this is that it is not about actually finding that 'someone' but just meeting new people and enjoying that. No endgame, no expectations (of anything more).
> 
> So as far as 'actively looking for someone', you don't have to be to take a couple hours to meet for coffee. And no need to be 'selective' (other than how you choose to spend your time) if it isn't a prospective LTR partner, which you should not see it as (IMO).


Coffee IS a commitment of time to me. Up at 6, leave at 7, at work by 7:35 usually. Yes I don't have to be there until 8 but the detour for coffee would eat up most of that. I leave at 7 to make sure my daughter leaves for school on time. After work is gym/trail, dinner, homework, etc. And dating is only every other weekend unless kiddo gets a job or starts making more weekend social plans.

So I don't want to spend time with someone who isn't LTR potential. But the definition is broad when first meeting someone. 



arbitrator said:


> * I absolutely refuse to place any of my fin-stats/earnings into a dating profile, per se.
> 
> But I certainly take the time to read the others posted financial info and related commentary, as it's often a dead giveaway as to who the real "gold-diggers" are out there in cyberspace!
> 
> And basically weed out all of those whose primary interest is looking for money/security much rather than looking for a meaningful relationship!*


What does my profile say about money? Does mentioning travel seem like I'm looking for someone to fund it? I earn above the median but nowhere near 6-figures.


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## Morcoll

Well, I don't know your personal situation. If you were doing coffee with someone you MIGHT like, would you always do it on a work morning? I think a sunday might be better but again, depends on your situation. This is another topic though. 

What I am trying to say is....be OPEN to meeting people without expecting it to turn into anything, then when you do and it feels ok, like you may want to know them better, you can move forward. But don't be so picky that you decide strictly based on a profile that you want nothing to do with them. I am not saying meet just anyone, but itll be a lot more enjoyable if you don't have the internal pressure of LTR going into it, and see it as more of a fun thing to do.


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## EnjoliWoman

No, doesn't have to be a work morning but it could only be alternating weekend mornings. I'm not going into every encounter with the idea of a LTR, but if I don't want to spend time on anyone who doesn't at least meet very minimal requirements. 

I'm really not overly choosy. I believe it is just the opposite - men are! I have about 65 views a day and hardly any emails and a wink or two which I find annoying - just email if you're interested. It seems like they just click on the wink for everyone they are even remotely attracted to and the one from last week just liked football and cooking out and quiet evenings. Obviously did not read the profile. 

And then there are the delusional ones - this guy checked his physical as "athletic and toned" and wants someone "slim" or "athletic and toned". Dude. Do you SEE your belly? Now, I don't mind it, I just would describe THAT body as "average" out of all of the choices. Kind of amusing.


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## RandomDude

:scratchhead:

I would have thought women get flooded with emails on dating sites.


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## SecondTime'Round

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> I would have thought women get flooded with emails on dating sites.


Initially, you do. Tapers off when everyone "gets to know each other." (Meaning, recognizing you, already had contact, etc.)


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## Hopelessus

I notice I go right to new users also. I am separated now over a year and going though a divorce. I do seek out men that are divorced, with kids is better. I like it when I see pics of them with kids, even if it isn't their own. I prefer my hometown. I really feel no need to discuss travel plans and in the future try to figure out who is moving where. So while I narrow it down a bit, its what makes sense to me and my life. I am mostly honest. Like I wrote Divorced , not separated bc it is over, I've moved on and that's it. I look for men either same age and up to 5 years older. I need the spunk. There is no ideal "date". I don't even like that word. Meet up sounds better. A date seems like there is intention, while a meet up seems like a "hey, lets get to know each other like we did online, but face to face" I don't like to jump in after one conversation to meet with someone. I need to know more. I want to feel comfortable around someone I am chatting with and not feel like a complete stranger. But first meets do say a lot. I have yet to have one yet, even though some have asked. I do look forward to sharing time and having fun with someone that is not under the age of 10, like my kids. I am ready. It didn't come quickly, but I knew with every passing day.


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## Chuck71

I enjoy most anything. I think attitude is everything.

*I enjoy participating in a plethora of activities. My view is engaging in anything with a positive attitude will result in an uplifting experience. *

I'm looking for someone who enjoys doing a little bit of everything, has a great smile and laughs easily, is generally easy-going in nature and has a positive disposition.
*
My personal goal is to meet someone who enjoys a variety of activities and hobbies. A man with a sense of humor, great smile, one who can understand the complexities of life.... but not take life too seriously is desired.*

I enjoy big family gatherings or large groups of laughing friends or intimate evenings alone getting close. I love to entertain and I like to try new places in town - in fact it was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year - and I did. 

*Coming from a large family, I revel in large family gatherings. Exploring new places in my vicinity is a relished adventure. A quiet evening at home where I can explore creative ways to entertain is a cherished event. Maybe a movie night or sitting outside discussing life in general would elicit a communicative connection. *

I am training for my first 5K and I'd like someone who wants to take walks after dinner and generally stays active, yet doesn't feel guilty if we decide to lounge around some days. I like cooking healthy foods but sometimes a pizza night is just right

*Currently I am training for my initial 5k race. My preference would be someone who would accompany me in walks after dinner; while a night in would be favored as well. Healthy food is a staple in my life yet ordering pizza from time to time would encompass a pleasant evening.*


I need someone who will help get me out of my comfort zone and take chances. There are lots of things I’d like to try such as overnight backpacking, rafting, a hot air balloon ride, train excursions (hello, sleeper car!) or a cruise, and I want to visit more places than I can list.

*Connecting with someone who is not fearful of getting out of their comfort zone would be a plus. My bucket list includes overnight backpacking, white water rafting, hot air balloon rides, train excursions (welcome..... sleeper car!), and a cruise to (be vague.... Caribbean, Alaska, South Pacific). Possibly if several of these are scratched off, we could add more! *


Things I’ve done and enjoyed recently include the treetop zip line tour at the white water center, a 10 mile hike up Crowder’s Mountain and across the ridge and a Segway tour of historic uptown. I also enjoy a night at the theatre, fine dining, wine tastings and trips to interesting/historic places. 

*Recent activities I have participated in have been tree top zip lining, ascending Crowder's Mountain, and a tour of the historic district. A sporadic night out on the town is a guilty pleasure of mine..... fine dining, theatre, opera, wine tasting. * 


*******************
Be sure to add............... 1-you are a professional (tie in with work you do)..... aka you are not a waitress shaking your goodies for tips, 2-you enjoy spending quality time with your daughter...... this is better than "I'm a mother and my kid come first", that screams bad choices in your past. 3-Expose your intelligence somewhere, be it hobby, work....4-"I want" sounds needy...... "I need" sounds very needy. 5-Pick one hobby and tie it in with your intelligence..... exploit your cerebral assets. 6-Sentences beginning with "I"..... a no-no. Note to self.... check my own profiles LOL

Keep in mind, I prefer cerebral females. A cute female who can't chew bubble gum and scratch her head at the same time would bore me to hard liquor. EW you do not appear that way in the least. I am a part time writer.... this is all over my profiles. Yardwork, simple things in life are as well.... My goal is to run off all the females who have never grew up, still want to bar hop, dine out every night, and are seeking "daddy checkbook." Noting my advancement in the doctorate program screams "this guy has his crap together and does not run the roads skirt chasing" and my expertise in finance (and my parents teaching me from their own expertise) screams "he may open his checkbook but not just for anyone coming down the pike." 

Sorry it is late.... hope it helps you


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## Hopeful Cynic

Honestly, I know you're probably trying to seem well-rounded, but your profile sounds wishy washy to me, like you're trying to be all things to all possible men.

You like big family gatherings AND small intimate ones. You like being active AND being lazy. You like healthy foods AND indulging. You like doing active, thrilling things AND high-brow cultural things. You want to try so many different things you seem like you can barely make up your mind.

It's like you're saying "I'm an extrovert AND an introvert!" "I'm a cat person AND a dog person!" "I can be whatever you'd like me to be as long as you pick me!"

The sad thing is that you're still doing better than most profiles I see. Far too many women just say 'I love to laugh' and pretend to like sports and camping. Maybe that's what works, though it holds no appeal to me.


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## frootloop

EnjoliWomen,

First off, the hiking picture is cute - I'm in your age range, and I would consider contacting if you were in my area, etc. If its too old of a shot, you might want to try get get a newer one that shows you doing something active. Have at least one picture (like that one) that has a reasonably close-up shot of your smile.

While there is nothing distasteful about your profile text, I also don't see anything very unique about it. Having read your posts on this site, it shows you have a good sense of humor and interesting thoughts, but your profile comes across as a rather average.

Btw, it saddens me that agnostic is too strong a position to take on your profile, but I guess you do live in the south. 

Personally, being a busy person, I go to Meetup groups in my area - this lets me meet a dozen women at once - much more efficient than match, and you can try and strike up a conversation with whoever appeals to you.


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## bravenewworld

For some reason I am the go-to person for writing my friends dating profiles and editing their photos. My own profile was pretty successful despite the fact I'm no model - or mogul!

Two big notes - You are stunning but the pictures are not doing you justice. Especially the bunny suit one. Try taking some outdoorsy ones (sunset time has the BEST lighting) from flattering angles after getting your hair blown out or giving it some smooth waves if you are good at doing your own hair (I am not.) 

Also, you always want to shoot from a slightly upward angle and drop your shoulders back a bit to create those nice flattering lines. Definitely include at least one sexy pic. Maybe something in a gown or ****tail dress from an event? If you don't have one of those - Take a pic in a super low V-neck shirt of your fav sports team while wearing a padded push up bra with some tight jeans. Just trust me. 

The second big note is that your profile comes off a little generic. My edit:

I believe that in life, attitude is everything. If you can shrug your shoulders after getting rained out of picnic, we probably have a lot in common. After all, there's nothing wrong with cuddling in front of a roaring fire. 

I like to spend time with family and friends, but can also enjoy a cozy night in as long we're adding sea salt to the popcorn and opening a good bottle of wine. I love to entertain and like to try new places in town. It was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year, which I did. My favorite spots were *(insert 2-3 places here and include what your favorite dish was and why. Paint a picture, make it a little sensuous.)* 

While you don't have to be a fitness model since I'm attracted to both six packs and kegs, I would like to meet someone who has fun being active. Recently, I went on a treetop zip line tour at the white water center, completed a 10 mile hike up Crowder’s Mountain, and toured historic uptown on a Segway. Well, not all on the same day.  Right now I'm training for a 5k and think it'd be cool to go running together. Just think, we can order a pizza afterward without feeling guilty!

I still have a lot of things left on my bucket list such as overnight backpacking, white-water rafting, a hot air balloon ride, train excursions (hello, sleeper car!) or a cruise. I want to visit more places than I can list, especially *(put your number #1 destination choice here and why) 
*

What I'm looking for in a partner: Someone easy going enough to take a spontaneous road trip, but still pays all his bills on time. A person who is passionate about where they are going in life, and accepting of where they've been. If anyone of this resonates, please feel free to reach out. Chemistry's important - I'd rather meet sooner than later. 

Hope that helped! Internet dating is kind of weird but also very fun! Good luck!


----------



## Rowan

Wow, bravenewworld, you're really good at this! 

I'll just send you my particulars and let you write mine!


----------



## SARAHMCD

Rowan said:


> Wow, bravenewworld, you're really good at this!
> 
> I'll just send you my particulars and let you write mine!


:iagree:


----------



## Brigit

EnjoliWoman said:


> I'm really not overly choosy. I believe it is just the opposite - men are! I have about 65 views a day and hardly any emails and a wink or two which I find annoying - just email if you're interested. It seems like they just click on the wink for everyone they are even remotely attracted to and the one from last week just liked football and cooking out and quiet evenings. Obviously did not read the profile.


I'll throw my in my 2 cents.

I'm glad you're taking new pictures because the ones you have in the beginning don't belong on a dating site. They are cute family pictures but will not help you achieve your goal which is to find a boyfriend.

*Photos* (What men look at first and put more value to. VERY IMPORTANT)

~You don't want too many photos (too eager)
~You don't want too little photos (hiding something)
~Just right amount of photos about five.

Photo Selection:

2 Headshots: One color and one black and white.

Black and White: VERY sensual. Not obvious with kissy lips or cheesy. Think modeling for a perfume commercial. Big eyes, slight smile, wavy hair, bare shoulders.

Color: Use outside lighting and wear something slightly low cut. Friendly and sweet with a bit of spice. Make sure the color makes you look fantastic.

The color picture you have now with your hair blowing is the right idea. *BUT* Your expression isn't flattering. You only have a few pictures to get this guys attention and each one MUST look like a great shot of you. You'll need to practice posing. I looked at your shots and you are attractive but you don't know how to pose. For the record a straight on shot isn't flattering to most. Find your best side which is probably the left and turn your head slightly so the camera favors that side. You'll want to have a relaxed expression. Take a million shots if you need in order to get the one that looks best. 

3 Body shots:

Jeans and Tight T Shirt: Causal dress shot with a sexy pose.

Dress: Sexy but not s1utty. Black is usually the way to go.

Bathing suit or Fitness Wear: You better have one: your competition will.

Your Bio:

*KEEP IT SHORT*

Just the facts and try to add in some humor. If you write too much guys will think you talk a lot and they usually find that irritating. 


Hope this helps


----------



## arbitrator

bravenewworld said:


> For some reason I am the go-to person for writing my friends dating profiles and editing their photos. My own profile was pretty successful despite the fact I'm no model - or mogul!
> 
> Two big notes - You are stunning but the pictures are not doing you justice. Especially the bunny suit one. Try taking some outdoorsy ones (sunset time has the BEST lighting) from flattering angles after getting your hair blown out or giving it some smooth waves if you are good at doing your own hair (I am not.)
> 
> Also, you always want to shoot from a slightly upward angle and drop your shoulders back a bit to create those nice flattering lines. Definitely include at least one sexy pic. Maybe something in a gown or ****tail dress from an event? If you don't have one of those - Take a pic in a super low V-neck shirt of your fav sports team while wearing a padded push up bra with some tight jeans. Just trust me.
> 
> The second big note is that your profile comes off a little generic. My edit:
> 
> I believe that in life, attitude is everything. If you can shrug your shoulders after getting rained out of picnic, we probably have a lot in common. After all, there's nothing wrong with cuddling in front of a roaring fire.
> 
> I like to spend time with family and friends, but can also enjoy a cozy night in as long we're adding sea salt to the popcorn and opening a good bottle of wine. I love to entertain and like to try new places in town. It was my New Year's Resolution to try 2 new places a month last year, which I did. My favorite spots were *(insert 2-3 places here and include what your favorite dish was and why. Paint a picture, make it a little sensuous.)*
> 
> While you don't have to be a fitness model since I'm attracted to both six packs and kegs, I would like to meet someone who has fun being active. Recently, I went on a treetop zip line tour at the white water center, completed a 10 mile hike up Crowder?s Mountain, and toured historic uptown on a Segway. Well, not all on the same day.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Right now I'm training for a 5k and think it'd be cool to go running together. Just think, we can order a pizza afterward without feeling guilty!
> 
> I still have a lot of things left on my bucket list such as overnight backpacking, white-water rafting, a hot air balloon ride, train excursions (hello, sleeper car!) or a cruise. I want to visit more places than I can list, especially *(put your number #1 destination choice here and why)
> *
> 
> What I'm looking for in a partner: Someone easy going enough to take a spontaneous road trip, but still pays all his bills on time. A person who is passionate about where they are going in life, and accepting of where they've been. If anyone of this resonates, please feel free to reach out. Chemistry's important - I'd rather meet sooner than later.
> 
> Hope that helped! Internet dating is kind of weird but also very fun! Good luck!


* I'll certainly attest to the fact, bravenewworld, that you appear to be the preeminent expert of putting together very likeable dating profiles for the gals!

Conversely, what erstwhile advice in that same domain would you have for us guys?*


----------



## Lone Shadow

EJ, you are a lovely woman, and I enjoy participating with you in threads on this site. That said, reading your updated profile, I would not message you (if that is a final draft). 

Not a critique, just my feelings in general:
I may not be able to spell to save my life, but grammar and punctuation are very important to me. An online profile is an introduction. It's your first impression. If you can't take the time to be grammatically correct in your profile, when it took who knows how long to draft, what other facets of your life get neglected?

(Remember, not a critique. Those are just my thoughts when reading any profile. The "you/your" is collective, not singular.)

So, while I wouldn't respond to your profile, I would respond to the rewrite that Chuck71 did. His version doesn't say anything different than yours, but it is grammatically correct. Ignoring grammar for a moment, writing style is the *key* difference between his version and yours. Your profile is written passively, and his is active.

Example from my own post here:

_...writing style is the key difference between his version and yours....

...the key difference between his version and yours, is writing style..._

The difference is noticeable, yes? Both sentences say the same thing, but the first version is more compelling.

Your profile (again, collective your) could promise monkey sex with all of the Rockettes, but if the grammar and punctuation aren't there, I won't respond. If the profile is written passively, but the grammar and punctuation are there, it's a 50/50 chance that I won't respond.


----------



## Brigit

Lone Shadow said:


> EJ, you are a lovely woman, and I enjoy participating with you in threads on this site. That said, reading your updated profile, I would not message you (if that is a final draft).
> 
> Not a critique, just my feelings in general:
> I may not be able to spell to save my life, but grammar and punctuation are very important to me. An online profile is an introduction. It's your first impression. If you can't take the time to be grammatically correct in your profile, when it took who knows how long to draft, what other facets of your life get neglected?
> 
> (Remember, not a critique. Those are just my thoughts when reading any profile. The "you/your" is collective, not singular.)
> 
> So, while I wouldn't respond to your profile, I would respond to the rewrite that Chuck71 did. His version doesn't say anything different than yours, but it is grammatically correct. Ignoring grammar for a moment, writing style is the *key* difference between his version and yours. Your profile is written passively, and his is active.
> 
> Example from my own post here:
> 
> _...writing style is the key difference between his version and yours....
> 
> ...the key difference between his version and yours, is writing style..._
> 
> The difference is noticeable, yes? Both sentences say the same thing, but the first version is more compelling.
> 
> Your profile (again, collective your) could promise monkey sex with all of the Rockettes, but if the grammar and punctuation aren't there, I won't respond. If the profile is written passively, but the grammar and punctuation are there, it's a 50/50 chance that I won't respond.


I think your points are valid but most guys don't focus as much on clean and tight writing styles as you might.

Also, when someone (she or he) writes a bio, it's just an introduction. It shouldn't tell your whole life story because that comes across as self-centered. The potential date wonders "OMG if I go out with this person will they talk about themselves through out the whole date????" 

A bio is a sneaky sales pitch. It should be one or two paragraphs of who you are and what you're looking for and most importantly why you're interesting to date. Plus, like I said before: humor goes a long way. You don't need to be a comedian but a slight witty edge is helpful.


----------



## Lone Shadow

Couldn't agree more. A paragraph is fine for me; I don't need to read about your life story on your profile. 

People tend to write in the same voice they speak in. I value the ability to communicate intelligently just as highly as I do intelligence itself. My severe dyslexia plays a major role in that, I'm sure. Communicating is often difficult for me. Expressing an idea, in a way that others can understand, can be challenging. Especially so when I am tired, and it seems like I am always tired. Humor and sarcasm are wonderful, but humor has to be compatible. 

My sense of humor is dark (think basement at midnight), and my delivery is dryer than the Sahara. People who don't know me tend to be appalled because they think I'm serious, while the people who do know me are laughing so hard they can't breathe.


----------



## Brigit

Lone Shadow said:


> Couldn't agree more. A paragraph is fine for me; I don't need to read about your life story on your profile.
> 
> People tend to write in the same voice they speak in. I value the ability to communicate intelligently just as highly as I do intelligence itself. My severe dyslexia plays a major role in that, I'm sure. Communicating is often difficult for me. Expressing an idea, in a way that others can understand, can be challenging. Especially so when I am tired, and it seems like I am always tired. Humor and sarcasm are wonderful, but humor has to be compatible.
> 
> My sense of humor is dark (think basement at midnight), and my delivery is dryer than the Sahara. People who don't know me tend to be appalled because they think I'm serious, while the people who do know me are laughing so hard they can't breathe.


I like dark humor 

Not everyone does. It could be scary if you're meeting someone on the internet, so I'd probably stay away from that on a bio. When you go on your first date you can test to see if your date "gets" your humor.

I've never done OLD but my friend is on Match.Com and she has mixed results. I do know of a couple met on OK Cupid and then married.

If I was ever single again I'd probably just shave my head and become a Buddhist Nun. I don't think I'd want to go back into the scene.


----------



## arbitrator

* I too, look at a ladies ability to express herself in written form and weigh somewhat heavily on it. I am more in tune with a women who is worldly, moreso from the perspective that she is educated or shows the marked propensity to want to learn even more, even at a more mature age!

As a man, I can sense through their written word certain traits, basically to the extent of whether they are energetic, empathetic, humorous, religious, practical ~ you name it! 

And while I, like most guys certainly appreciate viewing a beautiful "flower in bloom," I am far more attracted to a woman's overall personality than I am to her physical characteristics or attributes; just as I hope that she would be about me!*


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## bkyln309

I suggest you use bullet points. Men like it and it cuts down on the grammar and spelling mistakes. Besides its short and to the point, a summary of who you are. If they want to know more, they can take you out.


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## gouge_away

I get a kick out of the faceless cleavage profile picture(s), and one sentence *About Me*(s), _"I'm not into games or one night stands, so keep your perverted comments to yourself."_

Right your not....?


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## Lone Shadow

Bullet points are OK, if they're used sparingly. I don't care to see them myself, but I will overlook them.


----------



## Chuck71

Brigit said:


> I think your points are valid but most guys don't focus as much on clean and tight writing styles as you might.
> 
> Also, when someone (she or he) writes a bio, it's just an introduction. It shouldn't tell your whole life story because that comes across as self-centered. The potential date wonders "OMG if I go out with this person will they talk about themselves through out the whole date????"
> 
> A bio is a sneaky sales pitch. It should be one or two paragraphs of who you are and what you're looking for and most importantly why you're interesting to date. Plus, like I said before: humor goes a long way. You don't need to be a comedian but a slight witty edge is helpful.


I would....


----------



## Chuck71

gouge_away said:


> I get a kick out of the faceless cleavage profile picture(s), and one sentence *About Me*(s), _"I'm not into games or one night stands, so keep your perverted comments to yourself."_
> 
> Right your not....?


:iagree:


----------



## bravenewworld

arbitrator said:


> * I'll certainly attest to the fact, bravenewworld, that you appear to be the preeminent expert of putting together very likeable dating profiles for the gals!
> 
> Conversely, what erstwhile advice in that same domain would you have for us guys?*


Aw shucks, thanks guys! 

My advice for dating profiles (for both sexes) is pretty simple - show instead of tell and give little details that make your story pop. 

Instead of "Sometimes I like to stay in and watch movies." I would probably write, "On gloomy days I love to wrap up in my favorite flannel blanket and watch comedies; preferably starring Steve Martin, Tina Fey, or Bill Murray." 

Think of adding the senses to your profile - touch, sound, taste, and smell. "I love to garden and recently planted several citrus trees in my backyard. There's nothing like slicing a freshly ripened grapefruit for breakfast." Stimulating the senses is very important in dating. Plus you are giving the reader little details to feel attached to. Hey, I love Bill Murray too! Maybe I'll message this person and ask how many times they've seen Ghostbusters. Oh wow, I'd love to learn how to garden. I want to message them and see how long it took their trees to bear fruit. Making sense?

I think spelling is important because it shows attention to detail, but grammar less so. Grammar is also subjective depending which writing style guide you prefer. It's more important that your writing is compelling than "correct." Shorter is better, but for me personally it needs to be more than a few sentences unless you are on Tinder. 

No matter what, I think photos are the most important. They are the bait in the fish hook. Recent, flattering ones are best. You don't have to look like a model but you should put your best food forward. If you don't have a talented friend to take great shots of you, think about hiring a professional photographer or a photo student from the local college. 

Lastly, I think people need to keep their "what I'm looking for" really, really, short and only hit the absolutes. Listing too many "requirements" is off-putting and Prima donna-ish. Listing things like "no liars, cheaters, and flakes" sounds extremely bitter. Keep your options open, you don't have go on a date with everyone who messages you. 

I can't write things from scratch, but if people want to post their profiles I am totally open to editing them! For me it's fun. 

Edited to add: Sorry I forget one of the most important things - an invitation to connect! "If any of this resonates with you, please reach out." "If you found yourself nodding your head to any of the above, don't hesitate to message me." 

Sometimes people need that little push, and it really helps to know that the profile person seems friendly and open to receiving communication.


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

Lone Shadow said:


> I may not be able to spell to save my life, but grammar and punctuation are very important to me. An online profile is an introduction. It's your first impression. If you can't take the time to be grammatically correct in your profile, when it took who knows how long to draft, what other facets of your life get neglected?
> 
> Your profile (again, collective your) could promise monkey sex with all of the Rockettes, but if the grammar and punctuation aren't there, I won't respond. If the profile is written passively, but the grammar and punctuation are there, it's a 50/50 chance that I won't respond.


I thought I was the only person turned away by grammar to this extent! If someone can't take the trouble to come across professionally when they are trying to promote something, I have no faith in their reliability or conscientiousness. I don't patronize stores that have errors in their signs or advertisements, and I certainly wouldn't date someone who didn't bother to make their online profile the best it could possibly be. It'd be like dating someone who didn't bother with their hygiene.



bravenewworld said:


> Lastly, I think people need to keep their "what I'm looking for" really, really, short and only hit the absolutes. Listing too many "requirements" is off-putting and Prima donna-ish. Listing things like *"no liars, cheaters, and flakes"* sounds extremely bitter. Keep your options open, you don't have go on a date with everyone who messages you.


Liars and cheaters aren't going to be deterred by that requirement, are they? No, they'll just lie! And flakes don't realize they are flakes; that's part of the problem with them.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Brigit said:


> I like dark humor
> 
> Not everyone does. It could be scary if you're meeting someone on the internet, so I'd probably stay away from that on a bio. When you go on your first date you can test to see if your date "gets" your humor.
> 
> I've never done OLD but my friend is on Match.Com and she has mixed results. I do know of a couple met on OK Cupid and then married.
> 
> If I was ever single again I'd probably just shave my head and become a Buddhist Nun. I don't think I'd want to go back into the scene.


Are Buddhist Nuns bald? Are there even Buddhist Nuns???  (Seriously, I don't think I know the answer to that question).

I get you though. Dating sometimes sucks. Sometimes it's super fun to meet new people though. I'm about to be single again so I keep having to remind myself of the latter.


----------



## Brigit

SecondTime'Round said:


> Are Buddhist Nun's bald? Are there even Buddhist Nuns???  (Seriously, I don't think I know the answer to that question).
> 
> I get you though. Dating sometimes sucks. Sometimes it's super fun to meet new people though. I'm about to be single again so I keep having to remind myself of the latter.


Here is a link:
Women in Buddhism, Buddhist Nuns, Ordination, Ayya Khema, Buddhist Studies.

I don't think I'd really shave my head and live with a bunch of women. I was being dramatic. 

Dating can be lots of fun! Are you going to do OLD?


----------



## SecondTime'Round

Brigit said:


> Here is a link:
> Women in Buddhism, Buddhist Nuns, Ordination, Ayya Khema, Buddhist Studies.
> 
> I don't think I'd really shave my head and live with a bunch of women. I was being dramatic.
> 
> Dating can be lots of fun! Are you going to do OLD?



Oh, I don't know. Maybe eventually. I'm not going to be dating for a while. Gotta get myself healed first .


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## gouge_away

SecondTime'Round said:


> Oh, I don't know. Maybe eventually. I'm not going to be dating for a while. Gotta get myself healed first .


I've made a profile and kept it hidden, personally I don't feel comfortable even advertising myself "available," until my D is final. I do, however, understand some people never really had their hearts in the marriage. They could be totally prepared for a relationship, but I'm not sure I fit into that group. I'm bitter, confused, and feel so foolish for being so ignorant.

The profile however gives me hope, it's a bittersweet reminder of my values, and what I have to offer, most of which I marginalized or backpedaled on over the past few years.


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## Brigit

SecondTime'Round said:


> Oh, I don't know. Maybe eventually. I'm not going to be dating for a while. Gotta get myself healed first .


That makes sense.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Wow. Well, it's a good thing I took down my profile. Without going back with my red pen, I wasn't aware of any glaring grammatical errors. Perhaps there are.

And while I love Chuck's re-write, I want to be me. I understand, and occasionally use, every word he has used but my profile is in MY words.

I don't mean to attempt to be all-pleasing. I really DO feel content doing all of those things and I wouldn't want a life polarized one way or the other. Sometimes a fish camp dinner on picnic benches is fun; other times a 5-star dinner with wine pairings is just right. That really IS me. Not an attempt to appeal to a large demographic.

As to posting a pic of me in swimwear or workout attire, I get that men want to see the whole body and I'm open to that. But I'll be damned if I'm going to advertise my body to the highest bidder or some across as desperate by posting cleavage shots. I don't think that is attractive or tasteful for a person approaching 50 and I'm not applying for a stepford wife position.

So I took it all down. I'm done. I have two more years with my daughter at home and I will keep doing my own thing, including meetup activities, until she's off to college. Then I will spend more weeknights going to meetup groups.

Whether or not I agree with the approach, I do appreciate the attempts to improve my profile. Six months in I have had two requests for dates and one liar ( mentioned on other thread). The numbers don't warrant it. I've re-written many times; I've changed photos many times. Perhaps I'm not as great with the written word as I think I am and that's OK. That just tells me that I'm better off meeting people in person.


----------



## Brigit

EnjoliWoman said:


> Wow. Well, it's a good thing I took down my profile. Without going back with my red pen, I wasn't aware of any glaring grammatical errors. Perhaps there are.
> 
> And while I love Chuck's re-write, I want to be me. I understand, and occasionally use, every word he has used but my profile is in MY words.
> 
> I don't mean to attempt to be all-pleasing. I really DO feel content doing all of those things and I wouldn't want a life polarized one way or the other. Sometimes a fish camp dinner on picnic benches is fun; other times a 5-star dinner with wine pairings is just right. That really IS me. Not an attempt to appeal to a large demographic.
> 
> As to posting a pic of me in swimwear or workout attire, I get that men want to see the whole body and I'm open to that. But I'll be damned if I'm going to advertise my body to the highest bidder or some across as desperate by posting cleavage shots. I don't think that is attractive or tasteful for a person approaching 50 and I'm not applying for a stepford wife position.
> 
> So I took it all down. I'm done. I have two more years with my daughter at home and I will keep doing my own thing, including meetup activities, until she's off to college. Then I will spend more weeknights going to meetup groups.
> 
> Whether or not I agree with the approach, I do appreciate the attempts to improve my profile. Six months in I have had two requests for dates and one liar ( mentioned on other thread). The numbers don't warrant it. I've re-written many times; I've changed photos many times. Perhaps I'm not as great with the written word as I think I am and that's OK. That just tells me that I'm better off meeting people in person.


I think you have to do what makes you comfortable. If the meetup groups are fun and something you enjoy doing then of course do that more. This is your life and your memories. You never have to be something your not. 

As for for workout wear/swimsuit pictures being seen as desperate I don't agree. But you are the one who is putting themselves out there not me and you need to do what you feel is right.


----------



## coffee4me

EW, I know you took your profile down but if you ever decide to put it back up I agree with the other posters that the pics don't do you justice. 

I like your avatar pic better than the one in your profile. I also loved all the cute pics you used to post of your well put together outfits on the "what are you wearing thread". In those you always looked stylish and relaxed. Really pretty. 

I agree that at my age almost 50 it feels undignified to post cleavage (not that I have any ), Bathing suit or athletic wear pics.


----------



## Brigit

coffee4me said:


> EW, I know you took your profile down but if you ever decide to put it back up I agree with the other posters that the pics don't do you justice.
> 
> I like your avatar pic better than the one in your profile. I also loved all the cute pics you used to post of your well put together outfits on the "what are you wearing thread". In those you always looked stylish and relaxed. Really pretty.
> 
> I agree that at my age almost 50 it feels undignified to post cleavage (not that I have any ), Bathing suit or athletic wear pics.


I'm 46 and recently had a bunch of bathing suit shots & workout wear shots posted on a fitness site. I liked the male attention and didn't feel undignified. I did take the pictures down and shut my account because I liked the attention *too* much but that is another story. 

In any case, there were plenty of women on that site in their 40's with bathing suit shots and they looked fantastic.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Well, you obviously look better in a bathing suit (as do the others) than I do. I wouldn't dream (at a size 12) putting myself out there like that as if I were a supermodel. It FEELS cheap and desperate - I'm sure for those who are really hot in that attire it just feels normal. For me, it feels forced.


----------



## Brigit

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well, you obviously look better in a bathing suit (as do the others) than I do. I wouldn't dream (at a size 12) putting myself out there like that as if I were a supermodel. It FEELS cheap and desperate - I'm sure for those who are really hot in that attire it just feels normal. For me, it feels forced.


OK. You wouldn't want to wear something you didn't feel good in. Workout wear doesn't need to be all that skimpy. You could wear a long sleeve top that's fitted with yoga pants. Something that shows your figure. All of your shots should be in clothes that make you feel great.


----------



## gouge_away

I think less is more.
Less info,
Less intro,
More initiating.
Wouldn't that seem more organic?
Few words and a smile to get someone's attention.


----------



## SecondTime'Round

EnjoliWoman said:


> Well, you obviously look better in a bathing suit (as do the others) than I do. I wouldn't dream (at a size 12) putting myself out there like that as if I were a supermodel. It FEELS cheap and desperate - I'm sure for those who are really hot in that attire it just feels normal. For me, it feels forced.


I'm with you. I'm just more conservative and have never been into showing off my body. I'd rather show off my brain and personality.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

gouge_away said:


> I think less is more.
> Less info,
> Less intro,
> More initiating.
> Wouldn't that seem more organic?
> Few words and a smile to get someone's attention.


Perhaps - I'm just tired of trying after a dozen different approaches. Changed the profile many times, changed the photos. 

Funny, it was different 10 years ago. I was going on a date every other weekend and chatting with a lot of different guys. I didn't even HAVE a full body shot and I had no one giving me advice on my profile and I did have a Halloween costume pic in there! Maybe there is just more of a market for 35y/o women. Most of the guys were pretty nice and just as they represented themselves.

This time after six months and I initiated ALL contact (except the obvious pick-up one liners: "hi, ur hot", etc) and I have been on 1 date with a guy whose photos did not include his mutton chops, and an "almost date" with the guy who wanted me to come over for yard work and steak and some conversation with a guy who STILL (I checked this morning) lies about his marital status.

And I don't own yoga pants. Leggings, yes.


----------



## gouge_away

You don't need body shots period.

Half of the 40+ year olds I know don't even have facebook.

As far as market, I'm sure 35yr old women have more dates. Most 35yr old ladies are willing to date a man significantly older, and are pursued by horny boys significantly younger.

But that doesn't mean real men aren't looking, you see quite a bit browsing I'm sure.

fwiw, I met and married a 40 something on a dating site. She's over a decade older than myself. I was attracted to the idea that she would be less histrionic, and more responsible then the 20-30s I had been dating before. I was way wrong, but that was me being ignorant.

You seem far more down to earth, your adorable, and smart.
See OLD for its entertainment value. It wouldn't matter what age bracket your in, or into, OLD is not reliable.


----------



## EnjoliWoman

Aw, thanks. Maybe I'll go back to the free sites. My experience 10 years ago was that men who were more serious were more inclined to spend the money for a subscription. Maybe now there are so many free sites/ways to meet women that it has become less popular. Then I don't have anything [monetarily] invested. But for now I have a meetup to attend next weekend (with my daughter and dog) and a guy is going who I rode with last time and he piqued my interest. He is a vegetarian, but that's not a deal breaker for me. His desire to retire to northern Montana might! LOL


----------



## Brigit

EnjoliWoman said:


> Perhaps - I'm just tired of trying after a dozen different approaches. Changed the profile many times, changed the photos.
> 
> Funny, it was different 10 years ago. I was going on a date every other weekend and chatting with a lot of different guys. I didn't even HAVE a full body shot and I had no one giving me advice on my profile and I did have a Halloween costume pic in there! Maybe there is just more of a market for 35y/o women.


Yes. Men look at women 35 and under before they look at women over 35. That is why pictures are your sales pitch. On paper, I don't look so desirable. 46 year old white woman. Right? Guys would probably overlook me based on that alone. 

But...

I put my pictures up and all of a sudden the age becomes sort of hot and exciting. 

You *ARE* battling age discrimination now. You'll need to up your game if you want to go on dates. If you aren't currently working out then get yourself a gym membership and start. You need to look reality hard in the face and deal with it.


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## EnjoliWoman

I've been working out for the past year and have lost 50 pounds. I understand men weren't interested back then, nor was I trying. There are a LOT of MILF's here (in my city). I don't want to be one of those and I don't want the men they attract. I guess like anyone, I am looking for a rather specific type. Moderately physical; highly cerebral and curious with a hint of sophistication.

I HAVE learned I'd rather be single the rest of my days than settle.

ETA - I'm not hot enough to attract the man who generally falls into that category, or I'm too intimidating to the others who fit the criteria. I used to get a lot of couch potato, weekend football watcher, mid-manager types. I think I have weeded those out pretty well with my profile now but it doesn't leave a lot.


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## Brigit

gouge_away said:


> You don't need body shots period.
> 
> Half of the 40+ year olds I know don't even have facebook.
> 
> As far as market, I'm sure 35yr old women have more dates. Most 35yr old ladies are willing to date a man significantly older, and are pursued by horny boys significantly younger.
> 
> But that doesn't mean real men aren't looking, you see quite a bit browsing I'm sure.
> 
> fwiw, I met and married a 40 something on a dating site. She's over a decade older than myself. I was attracted to the idea that she would be less histrionic, and more responsible then the 20-30s I had been dating before. I was way wrong, but that was me being ignorant.
> 
> You seem far more down to earth, your adorable, and smart.
> See OLD for its entertainment value. It wouldn't matter what age bracket your in, or into, OLD is not reliable.


OLD isn't the only way to meet people. But if she's going to take the time to put up a profile she might as well give herself a fighting chance. OLD is picture focused; if that doesn't sound appealing then you're better off not wasting your time doing it at all.


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## Brigit

EnjoliWoman said:


> I've been working out for the past year and have lost 50 pounds. I understand men weren't interested back then, nor was I trying. There are a LOT of MILF's here (in my city). I don't want to be one of those and I don't want the men they attract. I guess like anyone, I am looking for a rather specific type. Moderately physical; highly cerebral and curious with a hint of sophistication.
> 
> I HAVE learned I'd rather be single the rest of my days than settle.
> 
> ETA - I'm not hot enough to attract the man who generally falls into that category, or I'm too intimidating to the others who fit the criteria. I used to get a lot of couch potato, weekend football watcher, mid-manager types. I think I have weeded those out pretty well with my profile now but it doesn't leave a lot.


You know best what you want. OLD might not be the way to go. I do hope you find someone amazing!


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## Jane139

So many men do not post pics at all. I am fifty-ish, female and have only one head shot posted, and received dozens of emails and requests to chat or meet. I never considered a body shot, much less a bathing suit. I am small, maybe even "skinny" to some, and just do not wear revealing clothing so would not consider posting myself in clothing I would not normally wear. 

I don't get why so many men think they do not have to post even a head shot. You need some idea of what they look like. I kind of like to get an idea of clothing too, if possible, as I am not into cowboy/western wear, or tank tops, sandals, etc, lol, but now I am being picky...


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