# how to convince wife to goto marriage counseling?



## jake999 (Sep 21, 2011)

I normally don't seek outside help for problems but I cannot figure out what to do so I am hoping that some opinions from you all would help me.

I have been married to my wife for 8 years. We have gone through a lot together, including having more money than we know what to do with and not having enough for too long. We have 2 wonderful kids together. One child she had before we met and I fully legally adopted. I am especially thankful I did that now since our marriage seems to be ending and the adoption will help protect my rights to the child.

I have been the sole financial provider to our family for the whole time. This is partly because my earning potential was higher, and partly because we both agreed that having a stay-at-home mother would be beneficial for our children.

Now that our kids are growing older (13 & 9), she wants to attend college to get on a good career path. I am fully supportive of this and actually wish she had been more dedicated to that previously. She has completed one semester so far.

My job normally allows me to be home or in our city 95% of the time. However, about 3 months ago I was forced to begin traveling out of town a lot more (4 days per week). I took the family with on two of the trips and we had a great time since one of them was in a very fun area.

About a month ago I took one of my child's privileges away and my wife got very mad. I thought the punishment was justified but she said that I cannot just come home after being gone and start disciplining the children as if I never left. In hindsight, I agree that I was too strict and too reactionary. That night she slept in our guest bedroom. Unfortunately, I had to travel again the next night so I didn't even really try to reconcile with her.

She has been sleeping in that guest room ever since then. I requested to my work that my travel be cut down and I have been home the last 4 out of 6 weeks. She informed me 3 weeks ago that she was on the fence about splitting up and would be making her decision soon. I tried my best to remain positive and encouraged her that we should go to a marriage counselor.

She has been going out almost every night with two friends that she barely hung out with before. She has been friends with them for years but really only hung out with them once a month. Last week she confronted me about seeing a counselor and said, "if you are going to be traveling next week, how can we even see a counselor?" I was frustrated that I had been home this whole time and now that I had a trip coming up that she was going to blame not seeing a counselor on me. I told her that and she said basically that she wanted to see a counselor but based on my response she is no longer interested.

Two days ago she informed me that she saw a divorce attorney and that she wants to split. I really don't want that to happen. Her most common response is that it's time for her to do things for herself and stop putting me first, and the only way she can do that is on her own since she says I don't support her.

I feel that a counselor could help us tremendously and save the marriage but I cannot get her to go. I love her and am confident we can resolve our problems if given the chance.

Any suggestions?


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