# Lies, lies, and more lies!



## mojo124 (Apr 27, 2011)

Hi everyone,

I am confused. My wife lies to me and I dont know if its normal lies or are they serious trust killing lies so here are some examples.

While we were dating, she told me about her ex. Guy name Sam. they dated for 2 years. He used her and broke her heart. She told me everything about him. Shortly after our wedding she told me this "guy" was actually her female cousin. She said the whole thing was a joke? I just dont get it.

Everytime we fight, she goes to her mother's house. She tells me they dont know any details of our relationship, they never tell me to stay or leave you. Last night she tells me her mother has been encouraging her to leave me from day one.

She sent money to her brother against my will and behind my back. I caught her and her sister planning some way of getting the money back to her account without me finding out. 

Just last night she told me she has a doctor's appointment, the she she said she never said that. "I call you at work at 8:30 and you will be there?" I asked. Yes but I'll have a client cant answer the phone. Well, I just called and shes on her way to the doctor. She said she told me about it upfront!! what the hell. 

I really dont know what's a lie anymore. I question everything and I look like a suspicious freak.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

She's a crazy maker. Google it.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

I'm confused just reading that!!!


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## mojo124 (Apr 27, 2011)

OMG reading about crazy maker, she does some of those things down to the text! Shes always telling people where to sit! She always says shes a leader and a coordinator. We need her to coordinate us otherwise nothing gets done.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Did she do that before you married her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Write things down and keep a record of the weirdness so that you don't feel like you're losing your mind. 

Consider marriage counseling and independent counseling. 

Find a way to track evidence of her behaviors so that if you confront her about the issue, you have concrete details to help point out her lying/manipulation problem. 

Good luck! This sounds stressful. 

I agree -- "crazy maker". You're not losing your mind and keeping track of facts will help you to realize that.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

better yet get a VAR and record it.


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

If she's willing to lie to you about the little things then she'll definitely lie to you about the big issues. She sounds very scatterbrained or just incapable of keeping a straight story. She sounds like a compulsive liar. I found this info. look it over and give it some thought, maybe she doesn't realize what she's doing or it gives her some sort of thrill like the story about "Sam" which makes absolutely no sense. Good Luck! Don't let it drive you crazy.

A Few Facts About Compulsive Lying
Compulsive lying is something that can end a relationship as quickly as it began. If your wife or husband is a compulsive liar, it sets up some serious roadblocks for an effective relationship. Dealing with a compulsive liar is a very difficult task to undertake. 

The definition of compulsive lying is lying out of force of habit. It is your husband or wife's instinctive way of reacting when they are questioned. A compulsive liar will lie about everything, whether it's a small issue or a large one. A compulsive liar has so much difficulty telling the truth that lying actually feels like the right thing to do. 

It is generally thought that compulsive lying develops in the early part of the affected person's childhood. It started when the person was put in a situation where they felt they needed to lie. Compulsive liars are not even trying to be cunning or manipulative. They lie because it's a habit for them. It's a response that's as automatic as breathing, and one that is difficult to break. 

Generally speaking, most everyone lies at one time or another, but compulsive lying becomes a way of life for the person affected. It's a routine, a habit. It is second nature for a compulsive liar. 

Any behavior that gives comfort to a person, or a way to get out of discomfort, can become hard to stop, and addictive. For the person who is affected by compulsive lying, lying actually feels safer than telling the truth, and then they feel the need to lie even more. 

To complicate matters, compulsive lying may be just one symptom of a personality disorder that is larger than the lying. If it is, it makes the issue even more difficult to resolve. It may be just one sign that your husband or wife is affected by borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder. 

Compulsive lying is hard for the person affected to see, and it hurts everyone around him or her. If you don't address the issue, or the underlying cause, it can end a relationship. 



There is no reason readily apparent for the lying of someone who does it compulsively. They will lie about important things and small things with the same amount of non-concern. For liars who do it chronically, everything can be lied about. 

If you confront someone who is a compulsive liar, you don't really gain much, because unless they are very receptive to your concerns, they will just continue the lying and your relationship, which is already strained, may end up even worse, before it gets better, if it gets better. 

You can deal with compulsive lying through talk therapy or counseling. But getting someone with an addictive behavior to admit that they have a problem is difficult. By the time you can get most affected people to realize they have the problem, they have hit rock bottom.


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## rosehalligan (Sep 10, 2012)

hi 
i dont know really what to say help wise for i just know how yo feel i dont know if i am crazy which i am not or is it him getting off with telling me more lies on top of lies to **** me up or not to fight or when he needs something boy he can be so sweet it hurts or if he has done something he is sweet just been to many lies even if yeah i have never caught him cheating just one point at his old job with a girl that work there and things i heard and the way he acted but cant prove it kinda thing and no i have not seen him turn his head around to look at girls but i am just sick of the lies he did not see them and look for they were showing all they had all this had made me feel like a ugle person and i hate me and i gave him the world and still do even being mad i know your pain i too wish there was a reason why thank rose


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

Normal lies? What kind of crazy ass nonsense is this? A lie is a lie.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Pathological! Why invent stuff? Usually the truth is bad enough if you've got any type of past!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Maybe by normal lies, he meant the stuff that many lie about, like exagerating details, or lying by omission. Not that those are any better, but sometimes people think it's easier that way.


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

that_girl said:


> She's a crazy maker. Google it.


I just Googled it. The funny thing is I would have said my wife was one. Then I changed my own behavior, and she doesn't behave that way anymore.


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## rosehalligan (Sep 10, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Pathological! Why invent stuff? Usually the truth is bad enough if you've got any type of past!


 hi read your letters thanks to all the in put yeah its crazy to read worse to live dont know who i am he has me to the point i ask my self what is what like i said i dont know how to deal with this and we are not married been together since 05 my mom dies 2 years this month over this all and my kids cant be around me miss 7 years of thier lives over one man and i fel all i have put into this and all i get back is dont call him a lier oh no it like setting the bombs from hell right on top of me i have never meant anyone who has not lied or who cant be wrong and has to be better at a storie you tell his tops yours whatever just lost and a lost soul i was married for over 20 years yes his thing was a mean drunk but i have never been or loss as much as i have since i have been with this man i seek help and have to take pills to help with my panicn and anity 
but i feel alone and like am i the only one my life gets even more just dont have time to write my open book and i am not perfect never want to be and i have done wrong but i wont lie and i can tell it just like it is and open but that is me i guess thanks again i have no one to talk to i dont want no freinds and not here in low life maryland at that i hate it here my kids are in chesterfield va hated there to but there its woods lolol here its hell


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

I also Googled, and it's definitely not a clinical diagnosis. It's the way people act when stressed out or have a mental illness, but by itself... eh.

My ex-husband lied about dumb stuff. Like seriously... DUMB stuff. What he did in a video game, for instance. It led to a few arguments that were just as dumb as his lies. 

I recognized that his lies were his way of feeling safe and making himself look good because he didn't feel he measured up otherwise, but understanding that didn't make it ok.

I stumbled upon a solution by accident, but it worked amazingly well. I had made a comment, "I'm surprised we haven't seen any water snakes here." We lived in a house with a large pond next to it. 

He replied, "Oh, I've seen one." 

I felt pretty sure he was lying because I figured he'd have told me about it if he had. I asked him where he had seen it. He pointed to an area. I said, "Why didn't you tell me about it?" He sort of shrugged and mumbled something inane. 

I waited a few days and then out of the blue, asked him, "Where did you see that snake again?" He pointed to a completely different area. 

I said, "I asked you that because I knew you were lying. You told me you saw it over there, and now you're saying something else. From now on, when you lie to me, you owe me twenty bucks, and if you don't pay it, I'll buy something on your credit card for that amount." 

He was a man who was VERY motivated by money. I "billed" him a couple times and he was unhappy about paying, but I meant what I had said - either he paid me or I would charge something. I did not need "proof" to know if something was implausible. I didn't get as mad over those lies, either, because I had a few extra bucks to spend any way I wanted.

What motivates your guy? How can you use that to show him what it's like to be disregarded?


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## rosehalligan (Sep 10, 2012)

hi thanks for sharing your story not funny but the money that is good and good point for me could not do that it would not get me no where would if i knew but dont even go there i will get it in his head sometime and this life but thanks rose


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## ZimaBlue (Sep 30, 2012)

My husband is a compulsive liar, and I have no idea how to deal with him. It has got to the point now that every single thing that comes out of his mouth, I assume is a lie, from mundane things to important things. 

I have no idea how to deal with it. I wonder sometimes whether he knows that I know he is lying. When I ever call him up on it, he replies sarcastically and gets angry. I in turn find this pathetic and childish. 

If she lies about small things, she will lie about big things without a second thought. It is the way she gets out of 'being in trouble'. It is pure fear of having to take responsibility for her actions or inactions, or what she perceives as her failures as a human being. 

Sorry, probably haven't helped much, but you're not alone.


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