# Stupid emotional roller coaster



## OH-WHY-O? (Jul 30, 2010)

I'm so low today. Just need to air out some emotions. It's been 2 months since D-Day. I suspect the emotional part of the affair has been going on for many, many months. I have been so up and down. We have separated, but he comes home on the weekends to be around the kids. 

A few weeks ago I was about ready to forgive. Last week, I became very aware of how MY needs weren't being met during our 17 year marriage - he's never been very respectful of me. He's taken advantage of me (in ways like not helping around the house or with the kids). He is so immature. We're in such different places - he craves the feeling of falling in love (hence the affair) and I need a marriage where I feel safe and secure and comfortable. I need someone who is mature enough to handle the responsibility of a family and a marriage and all that goes with it. I really felt like it was time to let him go and move on. I felt so strong. Today as he was getting ready to leave, I completely broke down. I could not bear to watch him walk out the door. I wanted to scream for him to stay. I wanted him to hold me and tell me he wants me. Why am I so weak today? I can't stop crying.

Our anniversary is next weekend. How do I handle that? I can't seem to handle anything. I am so lost and sad today. I feel like there is no hope for us. I know I will get stronger as I adjust to him being gone again. And I know that I will have to tell him to stop coming on the weekends. And I know I will eventually have to file for divorce because he won't. I just never thought it would end this way. I can't believe our family is torn apart like this. I can't believe my husband is "that" guy - the guy who cheated on his wife. The guy who chose his job over his family. The guy who seemingly had it all and then threw it away. 

I know tomorrow he will return to work and see OW and this whole thing will start all over again. His affair is not over. And it won't be until he quits. And he won't quit because he enjoys the money and the fact that it ties him to her. I feel powerless. He is a child who only wants things that make him feel good and I am left with all of the crap. God, tomorrow has to be a better day...


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

oh why O, 
(((hugs)))
I just wanted to send you a little note and try to get you to focus on that what you are feeling is all normal....
When a marriage goes through something like an affair, you have an opportunity to look at the big picture, what was missing for both of you, if you want to keep your marriage together let go of things you can't change and focus what you can make better.....if you both talk and decide to work on making each other happy you can turn things around and make your relationship the best it can be.....17 years is a long time to just walk away from......watch the movie Fireproof, you can start alone if he is not willing at this point......good luck


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## Neverwouldhave guessed (May 5, 2010)

I agree with jessi - unfortunately, these emotions just go with the territory. There are days you feel it is hopeless, and days where there is hope. It truly is one day at a time for awhile. It is possible for your marriage to turn around if you both want it to. It may take some time, so just focus on you and the kids right now. If you think you still may want the marriage, try your best at Plan A. You won't be perfect at it, but I can assure you it will make you a better partner for the man in your future (and yes, it could be your H.)


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

OH-WHY-O? said:


> I'm so low today. Just need to air out some emotions. It's been 2 months since D-Day. I suspect the emotional part of the affair has been going on for many, many months. I have been so up and down. We have separated, but he comes home on the weekends to be around the kids.
> 
> A few weeks ago I was about ready to forgive. Last week, I became very aware of how MY needs weren't being met during our 17 year marriage - he's never been very respectful of me. He's taken advantage of me (in ways like not helping around the house or with the kids). He is so immature. We're in such different places - he craves the feeling of falling in love (hence the affair) and I need a marriage where I feel safe and secure and comfortable. I need someone who is mature enough to handle the responsibility of a family and a marriage and all that goes with it. I really felt like it was time to let him go and move on. I felt so strong. Today as he was getting ready to leave, I completely broke down. I could not bear to watch him walk out the door. I wanted to scream for him to stay. I wanted him to hold me and tell me he wants me. Why am I so weak today? I can't stop crying.
> 
> ...


Sorry, but I just don't understand this.

He's cheating, won't stop but you let him come home "to be around the kids"?

How about him stopping the affair, going to counseling with you, moving back into the house while doing this -OR- filing for divorce? he can get the kids weekends and you don't have to watch him walk out the door Monday mornings.


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## OH-WHY-O? (Jul 30, 2010)

Chris - I know you are right. I just feel so weak and I so desperately want this to work and to have him in my life as my husband. I'm making a lot of mistakes. Today I feel like there is no hope and I should just go ahead and file for divorce. I'm playing by his rules and it's not fair to me. I just keep hoping that he will come back because he wants to come back and work it all out. But I know he doesn't. And it kills me. I need to find my backbone again. These last couple of days have been rough. I don't want my kids to hurt. I want to laugh again.


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