# Almost 1 year of marriage and we are going to divorce



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Well, the inevitable is going to happen. We got in another huge fight last night after going out for beers. I hit him with my purse. He grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the pickup and left me on a dirt road in the country about 1/2 mile from our home. He ended up coming back and demanding I get in the truck. When we get to the house, he says I have to leave HIS house. (We have our house through his job). I was scared. I ran into the house and into the bedroom and he ran after me. I finally ended up in our walkin closet because it was the only place I could keep the door shut. He slammed and banged on the door for quite a while and I didn't say a word at that point. He fake called the police, reporting domestic abuse (for me hitting him in the face with my purse). He couldn't even fake give our address correctly. He was drunk and so was I. That's pretty much why the fight started. I was upset that he drinks so much and then drives me home. It started a fight. He said, "I BET you I get you home safely." Not something I really want to be betting on......and this isn't the first time he's done/said that. Later he sent me a text and told me that I have a drinking problem, that I ruin everything in my life, that I cause all the problems, including with my job (I don't know what he's talking about there??? We got a new boss and it hasn't been going real good, but the majority of the people I work with have a problem with the new boss). Said he wants me out of his house and the only reason he hasn't filed for divorce is because he "loves" me. He said he is so tired of me and wants me out. Of course, this morning, he starts sending me texts saying he didn't mean that stuff, but he says that type of **** everytime he drinks and we fight. I say mean **** too. I'm not trying to put all the blame on him. We did counseling for a short time. It wasn't good. He was doing personal counseling, but of course quit as soon as he decided he was better. The counselor says he is very codependent. Also says he doesn't know how to express his anger, so he either holds it all in or explodes. And that he shouldn't be out drinking until he learns how to deal with his emotions.

We are about 2 weeks away from our 1st anniversary and he hasn't slept in our room since December. We've had sex 3 times since being married...the last in October. I've posted many times on here about that. Still the same issue. I've been thinking divorce since about 6 or 7 months....actually it probably came up sooner than that. This is not a marriage. At this point, it's barely roommates.

My dilemma is big, though. I have to find a place to live. We live outside a small town where I work. At this time, there are no open rentals in our town. I have a friend who was looking for a place in town, and found 1 open rental which is now taken. Talked to some of the local realtors and they said they don't know any rentals open now. I would have to buy (and want to own my own home), but don't have the money at this time. Could maybe get help for a down payment from my parents, but not sure. So, not sure where to start or how to financially do this. No help would come from my husband because he makes less than I do (which pisses him off) and he gives almost 1/3 of his pay for child support because he has never filed to change his child support since he changed jobs and took a major pay cut. 

His relationship with his kids is another fight. Another reason I don't want to be married to this man. He never sees his kids. He never contacts them. He used to and then just quit. They were angry at him because he didn't contact them for quite a few months. So, just like everything else in his life, he just ignored it. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess. Instead of feeling the hurt when he texts or calls and they don't respond, he just quit trying. At times, he also blames that on me. Says it started when we got married. I did everything I could to help them feel comfortable and to make a home where they are welcome, but he would hardly bring them around. But, he wants to have children with me and can't even be a father to his own children. It really bothers me.

So, it's time for a divorce. Not sure where I will go or how. My family doesn't live here. But I've got to get out because I don't treat him good and now I am scared of him as well.

Mostly venting.....but also looking for some advice, support, similar stories, etc. Just so I don't feel alone in this. Can't believe I couldn't make my marriage last even a year.


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## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Sorry to hear it come to this. It's a crappy reason to start a fight to end a crappy marriage.

Find even a room at a friends house or something. A lot of people would rent a room if asked. Especially if they are single. 

Best of luck and God bless.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

I think drinking intensifies the problems that we never deal with. Its been the same things from day 1 and they never get fixed. My h shuts down and won't talk if something is uncomfortable. He doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. So a year later I have built up so much anger and resentment and unfortunately it is directed toward him and our marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## onepotatotwo (May 17, 2011)

It sounds really unhealthy for both of you to be in this relationship. Eventually someone is going to get really hurt or worse...

In the meantime, I completely empathize with the whole not having a place to go thing...that's me too. If your parents live nearby, maybe you could go live with them and keep your job? Or maybe it's worth it to just move back home entirely for a while and find a new job from there? 

There are domestic violence numbers you can call... They might be able to help look for a place to live or know of a place--but mostly they just offer to let you come stay at the shelter. 

Another option is to check the paper for rent to own deals...Realtors don't make commission from them so they don't promote them if the market is slow like now--they had been doing it just as a service so maybe one day you'd *buy* from them. Craigslist sometimes will have rentals, but be really careful--some crazies on there! 

The other option is to call some local churches and explain that you need a place, and if someone in their congregation has a place for rent to contact you. 

I hope you can find someplace soon


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

onepotatotwo said:


> It sounds really unhealthy for both of you to be in this relationship. Eventually someone is going to get really hurt or worse...
> 
> In the meantime, I completely empathize with the whole not having a place to go thing...that's me too. If your parents live nearby, maybe you could go live with them and keep your job? Or maybe it's worth it to just move back home entirely for a while and find a new job from there?
> 
> ...


You have some great advice but it unfortunately doesn't work in my situation. Yes I could live with my parents but they live a few hours away. I love my job and landed a great position that I've held for seven years. The same job is not available where my parents live. I'm in a very remote area. My parents hometown has 300 people. My town has less than 3000. Bigger but still very small. So when I say there are no rentals its because I truly found the rentals in our town are all taken. However there are people that would helP me and church is a great way to go. Thanks again foe all your advice. I'd like to explain more but typing on mobile us difficult so I will try later!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

onepotatotwo said:


> It sounds really unhealthy for both of you to be in this relationship. Eventually someone is going to get really hurt or worse...
> 
> In the meantime, I completely empathize with the whole not having a place to go thing...that's me too. If your parents live nearby, maybe you could go live with them and keep your job? Or maybe it's worth it to just move back home entirely for a while and find a new job from there?


Like I said, moving back to my parent's would mean losing my job and possibly not finding a job in my field. They live in a very very remote area and it seems to just be getting more remote every year! lol! People moving to the cities I guess.



onepotatotwo said:


> There are domestic violence numbers you can call... They might be able to help look for a place to live or know of a place--but mostly they just offer to let you come stay at the shelter.


I know my post sounded this way, but it's really not a problem. We were both drinking and we were both angry. I don't think he'd ever hurt me, just yells. The bark is worse than the bite, if you know what I mean. But I do know people I could call if this became an issue. 



onepotatotwo said:


> Another option is to check the paper for rent to own deals...Realtors don't make commission from them so they don't promote them if the market is slow like now--they had been doing it just as a service so maybe one day you'd *buy* from them. Craigslist sometimes will have rentals, but be really careful--some crazies on there!


Again, living in our small town where we have 1 weekly paper, there isn't much out there. I've posted on facebook about rentals and I've been told that any rentals they know of are all occupied. The joy of living in a small town I guess! But it would be great to find something that I could rent to own. That would help with the money part of it.




onepotatotwo said:


> The other option is to call some local churches and explain that you need a place, and if someone in their congregation has a place for rent to contact you.
> 
> I hope you can find someplace soon


Thanks for all the advice. I'm not trying to come up with excuses for your advice, just explanations of my situation. Being in a really remote area in a small town is what makes this difficult. I don't have very many close friends in this town yet because I haven't lived here that long. But, if it came down to it, I'd have people who could help me out in the short term. Definitely something to consider. Right now, though, I just feel stuck. It's hard to figure out what to do. And my h is not much help. I feel like we need to figure this out together and figure out what is best for both of us, but that's been part of the problem from day one. He doesn't discuss any issues that make him uncomfortable. His lack of sharing things with me is one major problem in our marriage. That, along with no sex, but that is for another post or another thread.


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