# Its been a year and half...



## marriageiswork (Jul 4, 2010)

Husband is 24 and I turn 28 today
Been dealing with my husband txting and chatting with women online for a year and a half now. We have been "working on our marriage" for some time but the cycle has not broken. He will lie and say the number was a guy friend or his friend had to use his phone...

This all started during deployment 2 years ago. The cycle is this... he will be caught lying, say hes going to fix it..change his number or delete facebook..then usually about 2 weeks later he begins the lying again, i notice so i then find numbers or websites hes been on (dating website), confront him then it starts all over again. 

Many people ask why i stick with him and tell me im stupid BUT we have a 3 yr old and a 6 month old, im 100% dependent on him for finances as I am in nursing school, and I truly do love him just not sure the feeling is as strong for him as it is me. I also have no evidence of him physically cheating...that i know of....

We finally started IC (insurance doesnt cover mc) about 3 weeks ago and have each been to 2 sessions.. no i dont expect a big change already. Well he is in training right now and has done it again...3 nights ago...I saw a number so finally called it and she is a coworker and said it wasnt "like that"...yep. Confronted him and said this time we are seperating so he can figure his life out. He swears up and down he "truly has no clue why he does this, he wants to be a better husband but doesnt know why he cant stop"

It is so hard for me because I feel weak on one hand but on the other I do know he has to get looked at for PTSD not only for the Army but also for things that occured with his family shortly before we met. I am so lost and confused

I am trying to be strong and stick to my seperation without me putting in all the work. He has not contacted me in 2 days unless I txt about the kids...which i dont really need to but i guess its a way for me to contact him... Its really hard to be strong and stick with it. Especially when he says how much he wants it to work out.. I want to protect myself and look for the worst to happen this time. 

If you made it this far, thank you, guess I just need to get it out


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

He's got it right, he has to figure out within himself "why he does this". Until that happens, he *will* continue it.

For you to figure out, meanwhile, is: (1) what will it take to have him figure it out? IC surely... if he's truly there, present, committed, and doing the work. If he's going through the motions, the time spent is useless. You NEED to find a way, insurance or not, to get into MC with him, too. You've got your won stuff to work through, as well as stuff together to work through. Somehwhere, somehow, he's not getting whatever his needs are fulfilled, and while you may not be able to fulfll them, you need ot understand what they are. (2) can you/will you stick with him while he does figure it out? That is the big question. If he's not able to (re-)commit to your marriage to try and make it work, you're fighting a losing battle. It takes both partners. You cannot make up for his missing effort no matter what you do, unless you want to continue being a doormat and have a husband who does what he wants.

I feel for you and your situation. Hard, difficult choices. Good luck to you; wish you weren't here.


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## baseballmom (May 1, 2011)

Your story kind of sounds like mine. I am 28 and he is 27 we have been married for almost 9 years and my husband is also in the military. We have 2 kids 8 and 6. The end of April he text me saying he wasn't happy anymore and wanted a divorce and wanted it quick! Thats when I started looking at our phone records online and finding that he texts girls alot and when I confronted him his excuse was that it's his friends using his phone to talk to their wives or girlfriends or that they are getting ready to deploy and have shut their phone off so they are using their gf/wife phone etc.. Of course I don't believe any of it!! 

I am glad to hear that you are in IC as I to am taking advantage of it while I still can since we are in the process of getting divorced and it's only going to be a matter of a few months until I won't be able to anymore.. But my advice would be to start looking for a job and making some sort of income because I was in your shoes when I started out. I didn't start working until my youngest was almost 1. And even know that I have been working full time for the past 6 years I am still nervous of what it's going to be like now on my own and having to pay for my own insurance etc. At least my boys are going to be covered and taken care of and thats the most important thing to me. And if there is no way to work right now is there anyway you could possibly start stashing away alittle bit of money from each paycheck?? That way if something were to happen you will have at least something to fall back on. 

Are you stationed anywhere near family?? I know it's hard being married to someone in the military and going through something like this. So if you ever want to talk please private message me. Like I said I am going through this and am stationed in a state that doesn't even have an active duty military base! And I have no family here, so I will be packing up, leaving my job and moving back across the states at the end of the month which I am pretty nervous about as I hate change and this is a huge change for me!


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