# Sex with Children Sleeping in the Room



## sargam (May 25, 2017)

A few weeks ago my friend , my sister and I got together for coffee.

During the get together my sister has been increasingly disturbed since our friend told us about herself, she and her husband are having sex in the room with their 10 year old and 8 year old asleep. For various reasons they need to share the same room for a few months and so this situation won't change for a while yet.

They do have a living room so my sister can't understand why they don't have sex there before they go to bed. My friend says it's fine - they make sure the children are asleep but I am not certain that you can be sure or that they won't wake up and lie there wondering what is happening. 

She says it is no different to the third world countries where families all share one room which I guess is true. However she feel really uncomfortable since she found this out because of the age of the kids (but I am someone who could even relax to do it with a baby in the room!!). 

Well I have never told my sister that our parents too lived with us in a one bedroom house and they got busy when the lights went out after our bed time.

Is it normal in the circumstances for my friend and her kids (that they are having to share a room)??
How do I explain to my sister about this?


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

I have a 3 year old, a 19 month old and a 9 month old. It totally freaked me out when I saw my first kid, then about 9 months old, staring at us intently while we were having sex. When she caught my eyes looking back she gave me the widest smile. I was mortified.

Now 3 years later we will even steal a quickie in the kitchen while the kids are running around in the family room. So at least she's waiting until the kids are asleep.

The thing that I would question in this situation is why is your friend telling you all about their sex life? So I wonder, is that normal? (talking about your married sex life with your friends).


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## pbj2016 (May 7, 2017)

Children can sleep through anything especially if they feel they are safe. 

I'm not sure why your sister is so concerned. This worry about others (including children) hearing is a rather modern concern if you think about it.

Before the days of air conditioning you really think people only copulated in complete silence?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In the US, were most families do not live in one room, it's consider child sexual abuse. 

I actually know someone who lost their children because the children told a teacher what was going on.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Yes, regardless of whether or not it actually harms the children, it could be viewed as abuse with terrible legal consequences. Really not worth the risk.

I don't know if it is harmful to children. 




EleGirl said:


> In the US, were most families do not live in one room, it's consider child sexual abuse.
> 
> I actually know someone who lost their children because the children told a teacher what was going on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

uhtred said:


> Yes, regardless of whether or not it actually harms the children, it could be viewed as abuse with terrible legal consequences. Really not worth the risk.
> 
> I don't know if it is harmful to children.


I think that parents having sex in front of their 10 & 8 year old children is very different than having sex around a baby. And think its wrong, very wrong.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

It does seem extremely wrong to me - but I also know its done in some cultures. What I don't know is if there is an data on whether or not its harmful to the children.

It does give me the creeps. 



EleGirl said:


> I think that parents having sex in front of their 10 & 8 year old children is very different than having sex around a baby. And think its wrong, very wrong.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

uhtred said:


> It does seem extremely wrong to me - but I also know its done in some cultures. What I don't know is if there is an data on whether or not its harmful to the children.
> 
> It does give me the creeps.


I knew some kids who grew up in homes where this was done. The little kids, as young as 5 used to tell us that their parent's 'activities' would wake them up. But they were so grossed out by it that they would pretend that they were still asleep.

Yes there are some cultures where the entire family sleeps in one 'bed' or room. And the parents have sex. They are all 3rd world countries with very messed up societies. There are lots of things that those societies do that I would never dream of doing.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*To have sex with the kids in the room shows nothing more than blatant disrespect for them as children, and places the adults having sex far ahead of the children's need for emotional development!*


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## thedope (Jan 3, 2017)

I can't even do it with a dog in the room.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Even worse with a cat in the room


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## vauxhall101 (Jul 23, 2017)

It used to be the norm, it's only recently in human history that whole families don't share a room. I heard my parents having sex when I was a kid, a couple of times, and it might have traumatised me (although that might be more because my parents had an effed up relationship). I knew what it was, and although I found it disturbing, I knew nobody was getting hurt and it wasn't any of my business - it was adult stuff. 

Director Kevin Smith talks quite amusingly in one of his one-man shows about his young daughter walking in on him and his wife having sex, and having to try and explain it to her. I think there is a big difference between a child knowing about it, and parents who really don't care. 

To echo what thedope said, I can't even do it if I so much as start thinking that one of the neighbours might maybe be listening really attentatively and might possibly hear some moaning or something. I don't get how some people can be so, uh, "focussed".


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## pbj2016 (May 7, 2017)

Ok so let's make a distinction between "having sex in front of children" vs discretely having sex in the same room (house, block, town, county, state and country) while they are asleep. 

I agree that having sex in front of children is wrong.

But if they are sound asleep and you are vigilant you can still pull off a successful encounter with your spouse without the children being any wiser. If you don't know how your children sleep and also wake then you don't know your children well enough. There is plenty of time to disengage when a child starts stirring. A child on the floor sound asleep will not be traumatized by something they cannot hear or see.

The reality is if you wait until life is perfect to have sex you will never have sex again once you have children. Again such a first world problem this is.


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## cynthiaow2 (Jul 18, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> I knew some kids who grew up in homes where this was done. The little kids, as young as 5 used to tell us that their parent's 'activities' would wake them up. But they were so grossed out by it that they would pretend that they were still asleep.
> 
> Yes there are some cultures where the entire family sleeps in one 'bed' or room. And the parents have sex. They are all 3rd world countries with very messed up societies. There are lots of things that those societies do that I would never dream of doing.


There's no such culture in a third world country . The families who do this are considered extremely poor to afford a big place, even with that the room is always partitioned so that the kids don't see behind the curtain. No human being in his right mind would feel comfortable to have sex in front of other people unless its your job.

In this situation i suggest the kids should sleep in the living room until things get better. Kids can pretend to be asleep when they're not, we've all been kids before. 

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

cynthiaow2 said:


> There's no such culture in a third world country . The families who do this are considered extremely poor to afford a big place, even with that the room is always partitioned so that the kids don't see behind the curtain. No human being in his right mind would feel comfortable to have sex in front of other people unless its your job.
> 
> In this situation i suggest the kids should sleep in the living room until things get better. Kids can pretend to be asleep when they're not, we've all been kids before.


I agree with this, mostly.

However, when I was growing up I knew children who lived in families where the children all slept in the same bed with the parents because that's all they had. And their parents had sex nightly (yes nightly) with the children in bed. There is a post of mine up above where I mention this. And yes those children were very much aware of their parent's sex life because it woke them up, nightly.

So no, it's not always partitioned. Some parents do not care enough to do that.


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

When my wife was with me and we were doing it one night, the cat scratched the window to get into the room and my wood dropped like the '29 market, it didn't recover for about 10 minutes, no way is alright to do this with children present sleeping or not, terrible.

Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Luckily our ancestors several generations back who did not have multi bedroom homes were not so sexually repressed except for those that stopped all this naughtiness once their first and only child was born.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Sooner or later no matter how careful you are one of your kids will catch you. What I'm not sure about is whether that is more damaging than the first time you catch them. 
The best method to use to prevent these embarrassing moments is to use the Vaseline Method. You smear a healthy amount of Vaseline oh the hall side door knob to prevent any one from opening the door.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

twoofus said:


> Luckily our ancestors several generations back who did not have multi bedroom homes were not so sexually repressed except for those that stopped all this naughtiness once their first and only child was born.


There are a lot of thing that our ancestors did that we no longer do. And lot of them were pretty horrible and nasty. Good thing we, as a society, have stopped a lot of those things.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mr. Nail said:


> Sooner or later no matter how careful you are one of your kids will catch you. What I'm not sure about is whether that is more damaging than the first time you catch them.
> The best method to use to prevent these embarrassing moments is to use the Vaseline Method. You smear a healthy amount of Vaseline oh the hall side door knob to prevent any one from opening the door.


How about something less messy and far more effective? Just lock the door.

But even your messy Vaseline method would not help with the op's question because she is talking about the parents having sex while a 10 year old and an 8 year old are in the same bed with them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I would not think of having sex with a child in the room. I would have hated it if my parents had had sex in the same room as me.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Not something I'd do...a baby is one thing, they don't know what they're looking at and they won't remember anyway. But older children would be quite upset I would think. I mean, c'mon my parents had sex 3 times and that's IT. Rofl.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> There are a lot of thing that our ancestors did that we no longer do. And lot of them were pretty horrible and nasty. Good thing we, as a society, have stopped a lot of those things.


Mostly we have lowered the standard of "horrible and nasty". But I digress. I was directed to help the OP with her specific question which was "is it normal? and how do I explain?"
To qualify I assume that by Normal you mean common, Which makes this a sex poll. But to stay on task, my personal experience is that kids don't sleep with parents, not infants, not ten year olds, not even when you are sleeping in a tent. There has always been at least a solid canvas wall between me and the kids. As to how do you explain. Well I don't think you should be explaining your friends to your sister. I'm pretty sure defending your friend in this way would distance your sis. But you may have meant how to explain to your sis that your parents also did this. Well honestly if she doesn't already know, she would probably be happier not knowing.so my vote on the explaining question is don't go there.


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## Bellaballoo (Jul 13, 2017)

I was never comfortable with it. I found the trickiest times was camping in the RV. My ex couldn't last a week without becoming a complete jerk and ruining everyone's vacation, but I felt that shaking the trailer with the kids sleeping in it, and chancing waking them up wondering what the heck was going on wasn't okay.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

In the OLD days, and much of the world - people lived in shacks, huts, one-room cabins, etc. Look at old buildings for common folks. 400sq ft for a household of 6 people. Yeah, sex happens. There is a difference in "HEY KIDS WATCH what ME AND MOMMY ARE DOING" vs. making the best with what is available.

Look at shanty towns in 3rd world countries. 6x8 homes with 2-3 kids. There is little to no privacy.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

We have a foolproof way to fix this - we don't have sex if the kids are on the same continent as we are. Problem solved.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

twoofus said:


> Luckily our ancestors several generations back who did not have multi bedroom homes were not so sexually repressed except for those that stopped all this naughtiness once their first and only child was born.


*I'd be more than mortified to get caught having sex in front of my kids!

After all, when it woke them up, they'd probably sit right up and howlingly laugh at my sorry a$$!*


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> We have a foolproof way to fix this - we don't have sex if the kids are on the same continent as we are. Problem solved.


I can confirm - different time zones isn't sufficient. Continents works better


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## Apexmale (Jul 31, 2015)

Sex and death are natural parts of life. It's not until the last few decades that we've turned our society towards damaging sensitivity. Everyone seems to have a problem with everything now. Follow a simple solution, take less interest in the lives of others. 

Their kids will be just fine.

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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

It's not something I would do, but I've also never had to share a room with children for any extended period of time.

I think everyone here who thinks "OMG, it's child abuse and disgusting" has to also recognize that some families are far more open than others. I don't mean in terms of believing it's okay to have sex in front of their kids, specifically, but more that something like sex is a normal, natural thing that occurs between people who love each other.

My wife and I are somewhat in the middle ground. We are private when it comes to _having_ sex, and we do not discuss in any great detail our sex lives, but our kids know we have sex. The oldest one does not go "ewwww! gross!!!!" or is in any way traumatized by it. He'll tell us to "get a room" if we're a little close to one another. And he's quite comfortable showing affection (non-sexual, of course) with his girlfriend in front of us.

I mean, I've had sex in the same room as other people sleeping before, and I bet many of you have as well. Perhaps not our children, and probably when we were all much younger, but nevertheless. I've also been in the same room as other people having sex, or in the vicinity of other people. Or had room mates, or shared a room with someone in college, etc. Sex is private (for most), but private moments can be stolen whenever and wherever, and sometimes it's necessary.

And that's the thing - sometimes one's living arrangements are not conducive to privacy. So making love with your spouse, quietly, in darkness, under the covers, while others are sleeping - meh. If that's all you've got, you make the best of it.

All of us who have kids have probably been caught (or nearly caught) at one point or another. And most of us have caught, or heard, our own parents. If you're traumatized by that, then you probably weren't open enough with your children, or your parents weren't open enough with you. There's obviously a fine line, but to insinuate that this particular scenario is child abuse is a stretch, IMO.


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## pbj2016 (May 7, 2017)

alexm said:


> It's not something I would do, but I've also never had to share a room with children for any extended period of time.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I think a poster has mixed up the OP situation with another situation in which the kids were in the same bed and being woken up every night. I would agree that is abuse. OP did not mention being in the same bed.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

pbj2016 said:


> I think a poster has mixed up the OP situation with another situation in which the kids were in the same bed and being woken up every night. I would agree that is abuse. OP did not mention being in the same bed.


I do think there were a few people who thought the same-room thing was abusive, though. I may be wrong.

Same bed though... ugh... no. Wrong on many levels.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

alexm said:


> I do think there were a few people who thought the same-room thing was abusive, though. I may be wrong.
> 
> Same bed though... ugh... no. Wrong on many levels.


The same room, but not same bed has a lot to do with how active the parents are doing sex. If their sex consists of the husband just taking a very short time to get off and the woman not really being involved in the sex except to be used, then the kids who are in a bed across the room might not notice. But if it's more active sex, I don't think it's much different than the kids being in the bed with the parents. The kids are going to know what's going on.


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## sargam (May 25, 2017)

thefam said:


> The thing that I would question in this situation is why is your friend telling you all about their sex life? So I wonder, is that normal? (talking about your married sex life with your friends).


We have been friends since childhood and we tell each other everything. We are not ashamed of anything.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

sargam said:


> We have been friends since childhood and we tell each other everything. We are not ashamed of anything.


 I dont think its a question of not being ashamed, its about what is and isn't appropriate to tell others. I have had good friends for 30-40 years, we don't talk about our sex lives with each other.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

can they not run a big curtain down the middle of the room, and have the kids on one side, and them on the other side?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Talker67 said:


> can they not run a big curtain down the middle of the room, and have the kids on one side, and them on the other side?


and then play one of those noise machines.


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

btdt in the rv with kids sleeping. i give respect to those whose opinion is a solid no, but my vote is in the situation describef by OP, its inevitable. pretty sad when marital relations becomes child abuse.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

I knew this looked familiar...

Is it OK to have sex when your children are in the same room? | Stuff.co.nz


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## Gseries (Jan 6, 2013)

As'laDain said:


> I knew this looked familiar...
> 
> Is it OK to have sex when your children are in the same room? | Stuff.co.nz


 wait, im confused, does this mean the whole thread is fake news? and i was emotionally invested in the replies...


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