# This is really weird!



## Aflahm (Jul 8, 2016)

Hi Everyone,

Well, I'll get right to the point without wasting anyone's time. 

My ex-wife and I were married for 13 years and had two children; separated in April 2015. And I had my extented family and close friends; at the time I grieved and we have been in court for the ustody of our children. 

Now, she has agreed to give full custody to me by next year. I have also found the person that I will re-marry who seems to be the perfect mom for my children and I like her too.

Suddenly, I have been feeling down and not being able to cope up with the daily routine (kids with me on weekends in two weeks cycle and then from Wednesdays to Saturdays in 2nd Cyclcle).. I have been feeling down. Had a minor stroke while in the office two weeks ago.

I cannot understand this. This is what I wanted. And is about to happen for me.

Why am I so down and depressed? Is it because I have gone tires of it all or I just want it to happen quickly... I cannot understand and feel that I'm really messed up. (Mind you, I'm a IT professional with a permanent job with a name in the industry and some one who everyone in the circle of family and friends look up to).

I just do not know what is happening to me??

Any thoughts and suggestions / comments would be appreciated.

Thanks.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I cannot say with certainty why you are down but I can empathize. I have felt this for quite some time now. I feel it stems from uncertainty and the apprehension that ensues. Major life changes cause one to have to reassess what they thought they knew to be true. It raises questions that simply have no answers. Is this the right person for me, will my kids adjust and will I be able to, etc. etc.?

It casts doubt on things once thought to be permanent and having to redefine what one thought to be a surity is quite unsettling. You, and many of us here, have experienced severe trauma and the results can be devastating likened unto PTSD. Your mind and body are in turmoil, even if you do not consciously realize it.

I have no simple fix but I can assure you that you are not alone in your struggle. We must face each new day and deal with what it brings. Hopefully, as life gets better, the days will bring more positive and less negative thereby giving our minds a chance to establish a new normal. I wish you good fortune.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"Now, she has agreed to give full custody to me by next year. I have also found the person that I will re-marry who seems to be the perfect mom for my children *and I like her too.*"

Well, that's good but don't you kinda think you might want to marry a woman you love?

Marrying her just so she can mother your children is a disservice to her unless you've told her of your intentions and she's on board.

There is a lot of upheaval in your life right now so, of course, you're going to be on an emotional roller coaster. Remember to take care of yourself i.e. eating well, sleeping and relaxing. And, reconsider if you really want to marry the lady.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Why are you getting remarried so soon?


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You had a 'minor stroke'?

That could be your entire problem. Strokes do tend to alter the way people behave and think sometimes.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Why full custody in a year?
Why remarry because you "like" her?
What are her (the fiancée) bad characteristics? If you say "none", you don't need to marry her yet, because everyone has problems. You don't know then well enough of you think they don't have them. 
If you do recognize problems, maybe your subconscious is trying to tell you something.

If you're this stressed, you really need to see a counselor/ therapist.
You may need help in dealing with all the change. And I totally agree-- divorce is super traumatic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Aflahm said:


> Hi Everyone,
> 
> Well, I'll get right to the point without wasting anyone's time.
> 
> ...



Could just be emotion overload. I remember feeling very unsettled when I bought my house, because I never thought I would own a house. I also felt this way when I got my current job. It was such a good fit, and yet it took me a while to be happy about it. I think part of me was unsure it was real or something. Like I can't get too excited about all this because the next shoe is going to drop.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I went through the same thing. Some days I was happy and relieved, and some days I was sad and overwhelmed. I think it is your bodies natural way of coping with all the emotions involved in divorce, our children, and moving forward in a new relationship.

Unless your kids mom is an unfit mother, I hope you encourage and help your children keep a healthy relationship with their mom. It is concerning that you intend to replace her with a new woman that you view as a "perfect mom" for your kids. 

Don't rush into anything. I wish you the best.


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