# Would like some honest answers please



## Soul (May 14, 2012)

Hi! Brand new here!
I am with a man who has asked me to marry him. He is Greek and came and stayed with me for 3 months before returning home. Yes, he says he still wants to marry me (giggle)
Here are my questions:
I think I am pretty open minded. Will let him do anything to me pretty much, pearls, rear entry, I think I give great blows jobs and I swallow with a smile. I am a great cook and I keep a clean house.
I keep my appearance nice. I am saying this because that is what he says also.
So, I am very open and willing to please him, but he will NOT go down on me. And I give him ALOT of head, sometimes without even sex for me afterwards, just to show him I love him and it's all about him.
I have asked him if there is a problem I need to correct and he says no. I keep a full Brazilian for him because we both like the look and feel. No one has ever said there is a problem down there so I believe him when he says there is nothing wrong he just doesn't like it.
My dilemma is this: when we were Skyping and would "play" we would of course talk and he would always talk about eating me. I asked him if he likes to do that and he said "not really, but if I love a woman, I will". So he gets here and then won't do it.
So, he says he loves me and wants to marry me, and yet he won't eat me even though he said he does if he loves a woman. So which is it. Does he love me or what? 
Is it cultural? What am I missing here guys?!?!?!?!?!
VERY confused.
Thanks


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Hmmm. Not sure you are for real, doubt it.

But if you are, I refer you to Dan Savage -- you can't expect oral if you aren't willing to reciprocate. Period.


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

What do you mean if I am for real? You mean if I am being honest? Yes, why would I lie?
I think I am a good partner and give a man what he needs/wants as well as expecting to also get what I need/want.
I don't withhold sex for things, that is just plain tacky!
I love giving him oral, I just want him to return it and don't understand why he won't. 
Any thoughts would be helpful!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

My thought is to not marry him if oral sex is important to you.

Sounds like you guys have been getting it on pretty good. If he won't go down on you now, he certainly won't be once you guys are married.

If you enjoy oral sex and can't see yourself living without it, don't marry this guy. Also, if you tell him this and he suddenly will go down on you, I would still be worried. Chance of him 'not performing' once you are married will still be very high.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Who cares if it is cultural. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. 

You get head you should be willing to give head.


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

Interesting thoughts SadSam. Thanks.
I guess I could live without it, I think I am just confused by his two seemingly contradictory statements that he will if he loves a woman and that he loves me (but then he won't).
I don't want to be a nag and push him and I seem to be much more sexual than he is, so maybe he just has a low sex drive and the other goes with it.
I just thought some honest "man answers" would help me to understand better.


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> Who cares if it is cultural. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
> 
> You get head you should be willing to give head.


You would think so wouldn't you. I mean, if he said there was something I needed to fix down there that would be one thing but he says everything is fine.


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

If it's an issue either a) tell him if has to change or b) he's not the one for you.


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

WEll, I've never bought that people change because of demands put on them. I think change comes from a self desire to do so.
The one thing I think men AND women forget at the time of marriage is that the bride will not remain the SAME woman he married forever and she can NOT change him. Both are bad thought processes I think and dangerous to a relationship.
I will talk with him again and tell him how this bothers me, but as for here, I was hoping some guy might tell me what he is saying by his words not matching his actions.
I'm also not sure I would be willing to leave a man who is 99% perfect for me because he won't eat me.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Some men think that pleasuring a woman orally is disgusting or degrading. Have you tried coconut oil or flavored lube to see if it is the taste that bothers him?

If this does not work, I would not marry him. It is not likely that he will change. Someone who thinks BJ's are OK for him but will not reciprocate for you is a selfish lover, and you can do better than that.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> Some men think that pleasuring a woman orally is disgusting or degrading. Have you tried coconut oil or flavored lube to see if it is the taste that bothers him?
> 
> If this does not work, I would not marry him. It is not likely that he will change. Someone who thinks BJ's are OK for him but will not reciprocate for you is a selfish lover, and you can do better than that.



I think so too. I don't understand men wanting bj's but not being willing to reciprocate.


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

lovesherman said:


> Some men think that pleasuring a woman orally is disgusting or degrading. Have you tried coconut oil or flavored lube to see if it is the taste that bothers him?
> 
> If this does not work, I would not marry him. It is not likely that he will change. Someone who thinks BJ's are OK for him but will not reciprocate for you is a selfish lover, and you can do better than that.


I have asked if the smell or taste is offensive (even though no one else has ever said so) and I have offered to put whatever he likes there, honey, jelly, Hell he's Greek, I even told him Feta since he loves it so much! LOL!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Don't settle.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Yes please don't expect this to change or improve after your wedding... it won't.

I guess it all comes down to how much you want oral as a part of your sexlife... are you willing to go 'untill death do you part' without it?

Maybe he was just saying he was into it because he feels it's expected of a man. I'd have a real heart to heart with him over this.... if it bothered you enough to post here it's important to you.


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

Thanks everyone.
I know Skype is not real sex or a real relationship, I based accepting his proposal on real visits to me and the three months we spent together, not an Internet fantasy.
Do know I am that rational.
And yes, it bothers me, but not the not getting it, his contradictory comments as I posted in my first post. It made me wonder if he was mouthing the words, "I love you" but not feeling them as he said he does it if he loves a woman and he won't do it to me.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

I think he was just saying that... to be a man... to hook you... and he probably wanted to have sex with you too!

Look around here and you'll find plenty of men saying their wives were into BJ's before marriage but stopped as soon as the ring is on the finger. Poor guy is stuck in a marriage void of any oral sex.. forever!

At least your seeing it BEFORE the wedding...

It's a chance to run...


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

**** in hand, I guess the moment makes you say a lot of things.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Aw soul... your still in the getting to know each stage. It's ok to find that, actually, your not mean't to be together for ever.

Theres a lovely man out there..somewhere... who will be more than willing to be as giving and loving as you. Honest!


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

Thanks waiwera, but I have looked my whole life for that man. Was with my husband for 25 years before I had to divorce him and I REALLY thought this guy was finally what I had been looking for.
Don't get me wrong, I know no one is perfect, hell, I'm sure not, but I was SUPER honest with him from the start and thought he was with me and now, I just kinda feel like giving up.
There's more but I wanted this one question answered and I think some of the responses have actually answered some of my other questions as well.
Seems I was just a "receptical" so to speak. And that doesn't feel good ~ no matter who you are 
Think I will just give up on dating. I thought I had a lot to offer the right person, but seems no one really wants to return it these days.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

They say true love is ellusive...like trying catching a butterfly.


You've just got to know that this particular issue is all HIS issue. Nothing to do with you. 

Maybe take some time out, recharge and try to have some fun... it will be good for you mind, body and soul. 

Keep posting...you'll find a lot of caring & smart people here.


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## Soul (May 14, 2012)

Thanks, thing is he is the first guy I have said "yes" to since I divorced in 2006. First guy I wanted to marry. I didn't even ever really want to remarry.
Oh well. I'll hang out here and see what's going on.
And yes, you're right, a lot of caring people here. Thanks <3


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

You're contemplating marrying a guy you have spent only 3 months with who lives in a different country???????

Just my opinion, but I think you are nuts.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Soul, you are looking for honest answers, but all I can give you is an honest opinion, based on what you have written.

Your dilemma is that you want your Greek boyfriend to give you oral, but he won't. You wonder if his aversion to this act is cultural, and you wonder if you are missing something here.

Yes, you are missing something REALLY IMPORTANT here.

I will now quote your own words to shine some light on what you are missing.

"I asked him if he likes to do that and he said "not really, but if I love a woman, I will". So he gets here and then won't do it.
So, he says he loves me and wants to marry me, and yet he won't eat me even though he said he does if he loves a woman. So which is it. Does he love me or what?"

See the part where he says "if I love a woman, I will" ?

That is your Greek lover being 100% truthful with you, right there. You need to keep that firmly in mind, for purposes of matching it up to his actions.

So let's check his actions.

No oral.

Uh oh. 

So here's the deal. You're 3 months into a brand new romance with a mysterious, exotic man from a different culture, and man oh man is it exciting! You've been swept off your feet by the Greek version of Prince Charming.

I think it is SO IMPORTANT that you get your feet back on the ground so that you can make a clear-headed decision on whether or not to marry this guy.

So I'm going to list out some attractive things about you that you may not have considered.

1) You're an American Woman. Just like the song, except that to guys from 3rd world countries (yes, Greece qualifies as a third world country), American Women represent things to them like "Green Cards" and "US Citizenship."

2) See point 1 above, except that 3rd world guys also see ya'll as cash cow meal tickets. If you own your own home and have a decent job, you are better off than most Greeks, especially with them fixing to all be dirt poor when they leave the EU.

3) In listing out everything you have done in bed with Greeko, you end up describing yourself as an accomplished lover. While I'm not judging you, you might want to give some thought to whether or not your boyfriend is judging you, and what judgment he is making, based on your bedroom antics. 

Greeks do have their own version of machismo, where they want a girl to yield to their every whim, but then if she does, well, what kind of girl is she, exactly?

4) You don't list ages, but having been married for 25 years, that puts you in your 40's, unless the part of the southeast you are from is Arkansas, in which case you could be as young as 36. 

Okay, bad joke. I retract that, confident in the knowledge that no one reading this lives in Arkansas, due to needing to own a computer, and also be able to read.

Where was I?

Oh, right, your age. If your BF is younger than you, I'm going to estimate that there is a 150% chance that he wants you for other reasons than that you are his soul mate. 

If he's younger than you, you're being played, and I hope you get out of the situation and find someone who loves you for yourself. 

The reason I think you're being played goes right back to your original dilemma- If he loves you, he'd do oral, and he ain't doin' oral on you.

Here's hoping things work out for you!


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## lost soul (May 20, 2009)

:iagree:

The whole if I love her I will do it sounds shady. Getting freaky is more of a sexual thing than a love thing. How often does he fall in love with a girl ? is he good at it (going down) or has he never fell in love before :scratchhead: I would say not to get married right now, keep ur eye on ur money and have some fun in the sack :smthumbup:


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