# So sad and scared



## huskylover34 (May 24, 2011)

Hello,

I am engaged to be married this january. My fiance has recently come to me to say he doesn't feel connected anymore. He said he still loves and cares for me. Currently, the only reason he is staying is because I believe in us so strongly. I am trying to give him space but also be his comfort as he figures things out. It is so hard.

I am not 100% sure what resulted this, but he said he thinks it comes from when he tries to come to me i push him away with anger. I felt like he is pretty high in the demand area. Regardless, the way i pushed him away was through frustration, which came out as anger. I have been working on this so a while but apparently it has not worked. I came from an abusive relationship and just sometimes feel anxious/smoothered. No excuse though.

Now I feel that it is too late or worried that it is.

How does one build back the connectivity over years of damage. 

I am so sad. I feel like he is the love of my life and i finally have been able to fully trust him (a breakthrough for me after the abuse) and feel my anger starting to finally recede.

What steps to take forward? How? 

I am so scared.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Well, the first step is admitting that you have an issue with this. I am sure a lot of people will tell you this, but it is really important that you go to counseling for yourself to help you with the issues of your past. Without it, you will never be able to have a healthy relationship. 

I'm sorry you are hurting.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## huskylover34 (May 24, 2011)

I am trying to get myself and us too into therapy. The thing that scares me though is the cost. It seems to be between $80-100 a session, which I would gladly pay but I think we can only afford so many sessions.

Does anyone have any book recommendations for anger/abuse issues?

I do feel like I live a pretty normal life but you are right, I have (had) a hard time trusting people truly without thinking they will leave and without thinking they want something always in return. 

He does come from a high intensity family.... I just didn't know how to say no in the past and say it nicely. Sounds crazy i know, but i thought if i said no i was afraid he'd get angry. He told me 'no i won't get angry, you just have to tell me'.

Seven years and i (still) haven't figured that out. At least I know now....

I am scared it is too late. I hope it isn't. He is on the fence. He wants to say sometimes... but other times he doesnt....

I know however that this 'issue' needed to happen in our relationship. Either we will come out stronger or not at all.


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## huskylover34 (May 24, 2011)

Well, my fiance just walked out the door to go home for a couple of days to give himself space and time, as well as me. 

I am having a hard day.


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