# Penis shape and female orgasm



## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Can you explain to us why you are fixated on this issue? *It is confusing to me why so many men are so stuck on this issue.* Especially a married man who is having good partnered sex. Why still need to ponder ideas about penis size and what other women think and experience? Why do you remain fixated on it beyond your young adult life?


 @Faithful Wife Look... OK... I'll just say it. If you grew up as a guy, you heard these "stories" on the playground about twice a day on average. It goes like this....



> Did you hear about Timmy's dad? Timmy overheard both his parents "doing it" last night. His dad was all upset an screaming because he was *STUCK* inside his mom, and it took him almost an hour to finally pull it back out.


Every guy grows up thinking his penis will get "stuck!" Then we get stuck on the topic of how the end of our penis looks like a flared hunting arrow, and when you shoot something with one of those, you are not going to pull it back out easily. Particularly if you shoot it into a tree!



















It is really scary stuff for us, and we are all traumatized by it OK! So just relax and do not judge. Just help us guys calm down about the shape of our penises and learn that they work OK, OK?

Thanks, 
Badsanta


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

badsanta said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Can you explain to us why you are fixated on this issue? *It is confusing to me why so many men are so stuck on this issue.* Especially a married man who is having good partnered sex. Why still need to ponder ideas about penis size and what other women think and experience? Why do you remain fixated on it beyond your young adult life?
> ...


In somewhat the same way that men may tend to mock certain habits that a lot of women have....I'm more inclined to mock the habit a lot of men have of being so weird about their penis.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Faithful Wife said:


> In somewhat the same way that men may tend to mock certain habits that a lot of women have....I'm more inclined to mock the habit a lot of men have of being so weird about their penis.


Ah, I've met numerous women that are fixated on breasts and breast size! To each their own.

Besides, the penis is, whether we like it or not, part of our identities as men. Yes, it's stupid, no it makes no sense - but it is what it is.

I think, in all honesty, at this point in our lives we now know that if our wife/partner likes it, that's all that matters. I also think that almost all of us males on TAM fully realize that bigger isn't necessarily better (though there are a few women here who have freely admitted they like big).


To answer the original question, my wife would tend to agree that the shape of the glans makes a difference and that she can not only feel it, but it's what prompts her orgasms. She is, it seems, in the relative minority of women who can have PIV orgasms with little to no foreplay - something she absolutely required before me, she says. She credits this to the shape and size. I can't imagine I'm _that_ unique, but apparently so, according to her.

That said, I am fully aware that it is not 100% MY shape and size, but rather how we fit together. What I have did absolutely nothing for my ex wife, and with my admittedly meagre experience with other women, it was 50/50 as to whether it seemed to work for them, too.

My take on it is that it's 99% being the right overall fit for your partner, and the shape/size of the glans is a bonus. If a man doesn't have a 'mushroom' type glans, I don't think it makes _that_ much of a difference, but I'd venture a guess that it's something that would be a slight preference for many women, if given a choice. Simply for the fact that it's something added that she can feel, gives a texture, etc. My wife says it stimulates her gspot quite well, so it works for her.


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## Matthewporter (Nov 28, 2016)

May I know how many penis shapes are there ???


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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

Ladies: Which of These 10 Penis Shapes Are Most Pleasurable to You? | iDateDaily.com | It's More than Something to Do


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Alex, yes your example of women obsessed with their breast size or shape is a perfect example of what some men like to poke at women for. Also all the do I look fat jokes, and there is a thread about it in the ladies lounge right now, are something some men are keen on mocking women for.

It seems that some men act as if they are mystified about why women are insecure about these things.... but they don't seem to think their own insecurities about penis size or shape are the same thing. Like somehow the penis insecurity is totally justified but women's insecurities are totally silly.

Sorry guys....your insecurities are silly, too.


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## Buffon06 (Aug 14, 2016)

Badsanta, this what my sex chair looks like:


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Buffon06 said:


> Badsanta, this what my sex chair looks like:


Looks like it has a vibrating feature too. 

I'd like to see the Rhode Island School of Design sports mascot sit in it:


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

If you look at the shape of the vagina and the location of the nerve endings (G-Spot), maximizing her pleasure seems to be to rub the protruding edge of the glans along the G-Spot. So you need to be long enough to get the edge of the glans there. I think the G-spot is about 2-3 inches in. Assuming the length of the glans is about an inch long, you need to penetrate 3-4 inches to have the glans just past the G-Spot and thrusting in and out over the length of the G-Spot, about an inch, angling to apply pressure. So, I think the key to a vaginal climax is working with what you have to rub that spot with the edge of the glans. Also, a curve close to the base of the penis would apply more pressure, which might feel more pleasurable. Also, more girth applies more pressure to the g-spot and would cover more of the g-spot's width. So for men with an upward curve, sex positions where you face your partner may be better and leaning back may apply more pressure to the g-spot. If you have a downward curve, rear entry would work well. So, mechanically, whatever your equipment looks like, the goal is to rub that spot. I would list attributes, but I don't know if people can get banned for such things. I'll have to check the TAM rules. 

Interestingly, some men get the tendon(?) at the top of their penis cut to lengthen the penis by 1-2 inches, but then you lose the ability to apply upward pressure. So, the penis dangles when erect. That would greatly reduce the ability to apply g-spot pressure unless you needed that extra length to get to the g-spot.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Faithful Wife said:


> Alex, yes your example of women obsessed with their breast size or shape is a perfect example of what some men like to poke at women for. Also all the do I look fat jokes, and there is a thread about it in the ladies lounge right now, are something some men are keen on mocking women for.
> 
> It seems that some men act as if they are mystified about why women are insecure about these things.... but they don't seem to think their own insecurities about penis size or shape are the same thing. Like somehow the penis insecurity is totally justified but women's insecurities are totally silly.
> 
> Sorry guys....your insecurities are silly, too.


Oh, I agree! But I'm not sure it's _always_ insecurities that drive a topic such as this. I didn't start this thread, but I'm genuinely interested in what women have to say about shapes and types in regards to their sexual pleasure. It's not something I was generally aware of, until my wife mentioned it years ago. And as I said, she finds it preferable to her. It didn't 'work' for other women I've been with.

I imagine you have a preference, yourself? Not necessarily a 'must-have', but nonetheless?

It's also worth noting that pointing our other people's insecurities is often due to... insecurities!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

MSalmoides said:


> I don't necessarily see anyone's insecurities as silly, men's or women's. Insecurities are brought on by expectations of "normal" or "beautiful" from our cultural environment. When people can't possibly meet those expectations, especially due to physical traits that are out of their control, we get a multi-billion dollar industry for plastic breasts, hair implants, liposuction, Botox, penis enlargement, etc. A large part of our economy thrives on fostering cultural insecurities and making people feel bad about their bodies.
> 
> I started going bald at an early age. One night at dinner, a friend's sister was talking about a blind date she went on and remarked, "I was so happy to see that he had hair." Then she realized what she'd said and looked at me, and all I said was "Honey, you're missing out, just ask my wife." She already had one failed marriage.
> 
> ...


You hear these stories/ articles where parents are giving their daughters silicone breasts for Graduation.. they wanted these over a car or whatever.. .. I think for all of us.. living in a beauty obsessed society... we have to make up our own minds how far to go...where is the dividing line is to say "that's too much".. in fact.. that is ridiculous!!.. and just Be the best we can be, with what we have...

I never had braces as a teenager.. my teeth will never be perfect... I couldn't help but notice my best friend.. her parents got her braces, she was on the shy side.. not exactly popular.. when WHAM...how her confidence soared , suddenly she was more popular, and with the boys, when she got them off.. everything stayed the same for me... I was OK with it.. just figured I'd need to find a guy who loved me - for me.. even if I wished my teeth were straighter .....it never bothered him a bit.. he never had them either, but I don't think he needed them as much as I did.. 

Now with our kids.. I decided.. Yes..I want them to have braces.. so for each one, it's like buying another used car (price wise) but it's worth it.. Silicone breasts.. that will never happen!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> In somewhat the same way that men may tend to mock certain habits that a lot of women have....I'm more inclined to mock the habit a lot of men have of being so weird about their penis.





alexm said:


> Ah, I've met numerous women that are fixated on breasts and breast size! To each their own.


But yet there are no threads popping up like a game of "whack-a-mole" of women talking about the ideal breast size, however it does make for a parallel discussion that would allow guys to put the shoe on the other foot. So if we are to assume:

*Male opinion of breast size = female opinion of penis size*

While it is easy to jump to the conclusion that bigger is better, I would argue that once you are outside of the norm that _both_ bigger and smaller are more "novel!" 

If there is one thing that is proven with behavior regarding how men search for porn, "novelty" is usually the driving factor that creates excitement. Here is an example:

Wow, look at that red apple. I want that one!










Wow, look at that green apple. I want that one!










Once something becomes "novel," we are all genetically programmed to be attracted to it in order to help promote diversity. This way the next generation will have more to choose from:


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Are you becoming scientific about this now, badsanta? :nerd:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Buffon06 said:


> Badsanta, this what my sex chair looks like:


I think this one would be more fun to be honest!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

*Deidre* said:


> Are you becoming scientific about this now, badsanta? :nerd:


only on Tuesdays!


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

wantshelp said:


> Interestingly, some men get the tendon(?) at the top of their penis cut to lengthen the penis by 1-2 inches, but then you lose the ability to apply upward pressure. So, the penis dangles when erect. That would greatly reduce the ability to apply g-spot pressure unless you needed that extra length to get to the g-spot.


:surprise:

OMG, this is a horrible idea!!! Nope, nope, nope, nope!!!!


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

MSalmoides said:


> I know, right?!?
> 
> ~MS


I mean, it would still be hard, but it wouldn't be erect, and that's one of the most appealing things about an erection! I mean, it's not really an erection at that point!

It's just a horrible, horrible idea. And for what? An extra inch or two isn't going to make THAT much difference, unless you're, like, micro-penis tiny.

And they say that losing 30# will gain you an inch in the penis. I think that's a MUCH better idea. 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

FeministInPink said:


> I mean, it would still be hard, but it wouldn't be erect, and that's one of the most appealing things about an erection! I mean, it's not really an erection at that point!
> 
> It's just a horrible, horrible idea. And for what? An extra inch or two isn't going to make THAT much difference, unless you're, like, micro-penis tiny.
> 
> ...


I've heard of that procedure and never could figure out why someone would get it if they are of normal length. But maybe for shorter ones...

http://www.altermd.com/Penis Enhancement/penile_lengthening.htm


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I am tiny. No way can I get far enough in to rub my glans against her G spot. No wonder women do not enjoy having PIV with me. Luckily H2 is happy not to have any sex so this is not a problem for us. I am big enough for my hand!


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Holdingontoit said:


> I am tiny. No way can I get far enough in to rub my glans against her G spot. No wonder women do not enjoy having PIV with me. Luckily H2 is happy not to have any sex so this is not a problem for us. I am big enough for my hand!


It could be your perception. 
My husband thinks that he's small and for the record he is not, it's all in his head! 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

MrsAldi said:


> It could be your perception.
> My husband thinks that he's small and for the record he is not, it's all in his head!
> 
> Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


FWIW, most men these days know exactly where they stand on the scale (thanks, internet!) and most of us (yes, I'm admitting it) have measured at one point or another. It's a guy thing, you don't need to understand!

The sad truth about guys and penises is that for most of them, average isn't enough. Many men equate average with 'small'. The human brain (both male and female) always wants a little bit more. A short in stature man just wants to be average height. An average height man just wants a few more inches. A woman with a-cup breasts just wants b-cups, etc etc etc. And somebody who is average across the board wants to be above average in some or all respects.

The reality is, we all want what we don't have in many respects.

What we men have to realize is that our penises are a great fit for... someone, regardless of size or shape. I was too big for my ex wife and one other woman I was with, and I'm borderline big enough for my wife. Is that my issue, or is/was it due to variances in vagina size? It works for my wife, there's no doubt, but I'm no dummy - for her, bigger would be a better fit. With those two previous partners, I could barely get it in and it caused discomfort, regardless of lubrication. With the other few women I've been with, it was a good fit. With my wife, there's room to move, and the sensations aren't as great for me.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'm not sure most men do know.

Penises seen on the internet are mostly from porn stars or wana-be porn stars - probably a significant selection towards large. Self reported sizes are worse - remember the story that most me will describe a coke can as being 6" tall :wink2:

Aside from that, I think for most women the g-spot is not very far in- usually reachable with fingers, so even a smaller than average penis can reach it if you get the angles right. 

I completely agree that women vary a lot in size as well, and it is very possible for a man to be too large for comfortable sex with his partner. 








alexm said:


> FWIW, most men these days know exactly where they stand on the scale (thanks, internet!) and most of us (yes, I'm admitting it) have measured at one point or another. It's a guy thing, you don't need to understand!
> 
> The sad truth about guys and penises is that for most of them, average isn't enough. Many men equate average with 'small'. The human brain (both male and female) always wants a little bit more. A short in stature man just wants to be average height. An average height man just wants a few more inches. A woman with a-cup breasts just wants b-cups, etc etc etc. And somebody who is average across the board wants to be above average in some or all respects.
> 
> ...


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> It could be your perception.
> My husband thinks that he's small and for the record he is not, it's all in his head!


Thanks for trying to be supportive. Nope, sorry, about 4" fully erect. Quite thin. I have very small hands for an adult male and my hand cover the whole shaft when erect. My palm is about 3.5" across. Head is also small. That is the other 0.5". Maybe 0.75". So maybe 4.25" on a really good day.

Would not be as big a deal if my partner enjoyed HJ and BJ and toys. She doesn't. She doesn't enjoy anything we do together. So now we don't do anything together. If she plays with herself, there is no evidence over 24+ years but maybe she is incredibly discreet. I don't hide that I do (but I go into another room so it isn't obnoxious) and she seems to prefer that so she doesn't have to deal with my needs.

I agree with uhtred. Somewhere there is a teeny tiny woman I would be a good fit for. Somewhere there is a woman who really likes to give BJ and would like that I easily fit in her mouth without choking or gagging. I am not leaving my wife to go find that other woman. So it doesn't matter that she is out there.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Alex, yes your example of women obsessed with their breast size or shape is a perfect example of what some men like to poke at women for. Also all the do I look fat jokes, and there is a thread about it in the ladies lounge right now, are something some men are keen on mocking women for.
> 
> It seems that some men act as if they are mystified about why women are insecure about these things.... but they don't seem to think their own insecurities about penis size or shape are the same thing. Like somehow the penis insecurity is totally justified but women's insecurities are totally silly.
> 
> Sorry guys....your insecurities are silly, too.


I think that there is a significant difference between men being insecure about their penises and women being insecure about their weight or breasts.

It is possible for women to lose weight and get breast implants (or reductions).

Men are stuck with the penis they have. There's nothing they can do about it.

Also, weight and/or breast size don't directly impact a woman's ability to sexually satisfy her partner.

We're being told here that, for some women, certain penises will give them a PIV orgasm and others won't. And there's absolutely nothing the guy could do about this.

Fortunately, men here tell women that they don't care about weight and/or breast size anywhere near as much as women do.

Fortunately, women here tell men that they don't care about penis size as much as men do. 

But now that many can stop worrying about size, they now get to worry about girth and shape instead.

I've been happily married for 27 years and, if my wife died or left me I doubt I'd be interested in dating again, so this doesn't effect me. 

But, for a lot of guys, this is an important issue.

Maybe every date with a new women should include a d!ck pick


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Buddy400 said:


> Also, weight and/or breast size don't directly impact a woman's ability to sexually satisfy her partner.
> 
> We're being told here that, for some women, certain penises will give them a PIV orgasm and others won't. And there's absolutely nothing the guy could do about this.
> 
> ...


My post above pointed out that, regardless of penis size, the size of one's vagina can also play the same role in sexual satisfaction. So to worry about it is pointless. And this is what men tend to do - I'm too small/thin/whatever. What about: "She's too big"? 

My wife is built in a way that she could accommodate more, and I'm already above average in both length and girth. If my glans was the same girth as the shaft, or less, I'm genuinely not sure I'd be able to properly satisfy her with what I do have. And to hammer home this point, two previous women I've been with, I was too big for (girth for one, and both length and girth for the other). With my wife, it works just fine, but unlike my previous experience, certain positions are required for optimal stimulation. Whereas with a few women, certain positions were a no-go. 6 of one, half dozen of another...

So 4" penis, 7" penis, or 9" penis, thin, average or thick - it still depends just as much on what the woman has as what YOU have.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

uhtred said:


> I'm not sure most men do know.
> 
> Penises seen on the internet are mostly from porn stars or wana-be porn stars - probably a significant selection towards large. Self reported sizes are worse - remember the story that most me will describe a coke can as being 6" tall :wink2:
> 
> ...


Oh yes they do! Obviously there are some who don't know, or don't care, or don't care enough to find out, but reliable data is readily available.

Even if you've never properly measured yourself, most guys know how long/tall things are by looking at them. We build and fix things, own tools (or at least rulers!), that kind of thing. We all know, at least roughly, how much penis we have 

You're right about the angles in regards to hitting the right spots, but again, all women are different, as are men. A penis with a slight curve or bend in it might be better for hitting woman 'A's spot then woman 'B's. For those who have a larger glans (or mushroom head), it'll hit those spots in even basic positions.

If you ask 100 women what their (purely physical) ideal penis is, you'll get 20 different answers. Some more popular than others, no doubt, but all the same.


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

Holdingontoit said:


> I am tiny. No way can I get far enough in to rub my glans against her G spot. No wonder women do not enjoy having PIV with me. Luckily H2 is happy not to have any sex so this is not a problem for us. I am big enough for my hand!


This makes me sad. For fun once, I bought a "large" penis extender. It was thick and long >. We had a good laugh at the time and it was fun, but it was a bit too big for her. However, you should totally try one. It's fun for everyone and even if it doesn't get her off, I bet you'll have fun trying!


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## wantshelp (Mar 10, 2016)

Holdingontoit said:


> Thanks for trying to be supportive. Nope, sorry, about 4" fully erect. Quite thin. I have very small hands for an adult male and my hand cover the whole shaft when erect. My palm is about 3.5" across. Head is also small. That is the other 0.5". Maybe 0.75". So maybe 4.25" on a really good day.


I think you need to stick to the positions that allow the deepest penetration and you need to be lean. The fat pad above the penis limits the penetration depth. You can also get liposuction for that one spot. It could REALLY help if it gets you another 0.5" deeper. 



Holdingontoit said:


> Would not be as big a deal if my partner enjoyed HJ and BJ and toys. She doesn't. She doesn't enjoy anything we do together. So now we don't do anything together. If she plays with herself, there is no evidence over 24+ years but maybe she is incredibly discreet.


Does it make you feel better to know it could be worse? You could have a sexual dysfunction that prevents you from having orgasm at all. 

Now I am going to be harsh, but I am doing it because I care. I think you're using your length as an excuse. There are guys that are 3". That can really present issues. You can have orgasm and she can have orgasms. Maybe you need a few toys, but you can still have a mind blowing experience together. And IMHO, you are not married if a partner denies the other physical affection (including sex). You guys are roommates. Stop it. I think you would benefit from a sex therapist and some toys. I think if you are willing to give her oral and deliver orgasms, she should reciprocate with oral. And you're right, I'm sure it's better for her with respect to gagging. Think about it. It's now or never! (I should probably follow this advice myself). I challenge you to buy a penis extender and walk into the bedroom with nothing else on. Don't get one that is ridiculously big though.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Buddy400 said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Alex, yes your example of women obsessed with their breast size or shape is a perfect example of what some men like to poke at women for. Also all the do I look fat jokes, and there is a thread about it in the ladies lounge right now, are something some men are keen on mocking women for.
> ...


As to the dik pic, actually these days it's pretty standard that you may have already shared naked pictures before even meeting in person.

Of course it depends, but myself being a highly sexual person, that means I meet and date other highly sexual people....and a lot of us are ok with sharing pics first because we want to know what we are in for.

I have a gallery of dik pics of guys I dated before meeting my current boyfriend.









As for the things women are insecure about are not as severe because they can change their issues but men can't change their penis....all I can say is, that's just more of the same thing. An excuse, in other words. 

For example, a woman may feel insecure about her body shape, which is not something that will always change from weight gain or loss. Or she may be insecure about stretch marks or scars...things which cannot be removed. Or she may have thin hair, or persistent acne.

But regardless of what she may be insecure about, many men will be quick to tell her that she shouldn't worry about FITB...and meanwhile he will go right on worrying about his penis size, shape, length, thickness, etc.


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## 247769 (May 18, 2016)

Buffon06 said:


> Ladies: Which of These 10 Penis Shapes Are Most Pleasurable to You? | iDateDaily.com | It's More than Something to Do


So is it safe to assume some of these are combined too and is that a benefit?

Sent from my XT1060 using Tapatalk


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

wantshelp said:


> I think you need to stick to the positions that allow the deepest penetration and you need to be lean. The fat pad above the penis limits the penetration depth. You can also get liposuction for that one spot. It could REALLY help if it gets you another 0.5" deeper.


That would require us to have sex. We don't. 



> Does it make you feel better to know it could be worse? You could have a sexual dysfunction that prevents you from having orgasm at all.


Yes, I could not orgasm when I took SSRI A-D meds and that was awful. This is better.



> Maybe you need a few toys, but you can still have a mind blowing experience together. And IMHO, you are not married if a partner denies the other physical affection (including sex). You guys are roommates. Stop it. I think you would benefit from a sex therapist and some toys. I think if you are willing to give her oral and deliver orgasms, she should reciprocate with oral.


We tried sex therapy. She did none of the exercises. Not hugging with clothes on. Not sitting on the bed naked and just looking at each other without touching. None of it. So we did not get any benefit from a sex therapist.

We never tried toys. We went to a few sex shops and I offered to get some but she was opposed. So we didn't.

I agree we are more like friends and roommates than a married couple, but that is how I want it. She denied me for years (decades). For various reasons I stayed with her. At this point, I am denying her. I am comfortable with that. How can she complain after how much she rejected me all those years? She can't, and she doesn't. I am not trying to fix the problem. That ship sailed over a decade ago. 

This way, she does not have any power or control over me by granting or withholding sex. I like the freedom to be honest and tick her off and not have to worry I just cost myself the only sex we were going to have this month. Because we aren't having any sex either way. I hated having to walk on eggshells and worry that anything I said or did or didn't say or didn't do might send me to the doghouse. Now she can't send me to the doghouse - because she has nothing I want from her as much as she wants time and attention and conversation with me. If she gives me the cold shoulder, I just go into another room and think "great, now I get to watch the show I like instead of pretending to care about the Real Housewives of _____." I am never giving her back that lever to use against me.

Yes, I am twisted and broken and our situation is sad. But I have no intention of doing the work to fix myself. Should I divorce and date and foist my broken self on some other unsuspecting woman? No, that would be wrong and mean. Isn't it right and fair and even poetic justice that the woman who is stuck living with my sad excuse for a husband is the woman who spent 20 years rejecting me?


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Holdingontoit said:


> This way, she does not have any power or control over me by granting or withholding sex. I like the freedom to be honest and tick her off and not have to worry I just cost myself the only sex we were going to have this month. Because we aren't having any sex either way. I hated having to walk on eggshells and worry that anything I said or did or didn't say or didn't do might send me to the doghouse. Now she can't send me to the doghouse - because she has nothing I want from her as much as she wants time and attention and conversation with me. If she gives me the cold shoulder, I just go into another room and think "great, now I get to watch the show I like instead of pretending to care about the Real Housewives of _____." I am never giving her back that lever to use against me.


I think you're employing exactly the right strategy. If I ever find out you've caved, I'll find out who you are, where you live and come beat the crap out of you! 

It sometimes seems as if male sexual drive is a curse.

If my wife ever tried to use sex to gain power over me, that would be the end of sex for us.

But, I've always been a fairly low-drive guy so I could handle it. The upside of a low libido is that I've never done stupid sh!t or put up with anything just to get sex.

And when the relationship is good, I can always pump myself full of testosterone.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

MSalmoides said:


> My wife and I were virgins when we met and married, so we've only known each other and did a lot of discovery learning. For my wife, it's all about the position and movement. In fact, no matter what we do, how it started, how long the foreplay, how long it's been going, which room we happen to be in, etc. we end up with her finishing in the same position using the same chair we've had for YEARS. In fact, if I walk into a room and see that chair out I know what is about to happen :surprise: Once we're on the chair, in the span of 10 minutes she will have 2 or 3 orgasms; they are strong and I can feel them. She can orgasm with other means and has, but nothing comes remotely close to that chair!
> 
> ~MS


 How much $ you want for it?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

MSalmoides said:


> @badsanta you asked to see it, no judging! I can't believe I'm posting this 0
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Ewwww something's all over the seat!!!


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

...


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Faithful Wife said:


> As to the dik pic, actually these days it's pretty standard that you may have already shared naked pictures before even meeting in person.
> 
> Of course it depends, but myself being a highly sexual person, that means I meet and date other highly sexual people....and a lot of us are ok with sharing pics first because we want to know what we are in for.
> 
> ...


FW, you have things figured out in a pretty awesome way. You know what you want, and you go get it, and are unapologetic about it. You are a rare bird, and you know it! I don't think there are too many women in their 40's (I think you said you're in your 40's? Apologies if I'm wrong) that swap sexy pictures of the men she dates, never mind keep a collection!

In any case, you have your preferences, just like all of us do, including with peens (as you call them!) I can't pinpoint any particular post you've made here, but I seem to recall you prefer at least an average size, if not slightly bigger.

And therein lies the insecurity issue for many men. Those who are average or below are constantly aware of many women's preferences for -at least- average, and often times above average. The whole idea of 'bigger is better' isn't, in fact, true (for ~95% of women, I'd say), but there is absolutely an air of 'at least average' is ideal.

FW, you are currently in the midst of dating purely for fun, even though your current BF and you seem to be hitting it off. A big part of your current relationship is the sex, and I don't want to make assumptions, but I am willing to bet that if he was lacking in the peen dept. (or was too big, for that matter) that it wouldn't have progressed any further. You have a collection of **** pics from the men you've dated between your marriage ending and now, and as you say, they were sent for a reason - because you wanted to know what you were in for. Men with 3" penises probably don't send too many **** pics, but had any of those men done so, I'm not sure anything would have progressed with them from your end, correct?

As I've alluded to, the insecurities about penis size are not as cut and dry as they seem to many men. As most of them fall within the average range, we technically should have nothing to worry about. Technically. Those who fall in the outer ranges (smaller OR bigger) actually have more to worry about than those who are average.

But even then, people like me who are technically "big" (but on the lower end, ie. not "wtf is THAT?") can, and do, have insecurities about size. As has been mentioned in this thread, as well as many others, vagina size is rarely, if ever, taken into consideration - it's almost always the man who is too big/too small. I'm not so sure that's entirely the man's fault that most people see it this way. If my wife were to ever (and she wouldn't) say something to her friends, she wouldn't say "My vagina is too big for Mike's penis". She'd say "I wish Mike had a bigger penis".


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## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

I think the insecurity is a lot of the reason for dik pics to begin with. If I send a pic to a woman and she still wants to meet up, well she just said it's good enough didn't she. But then I don't know if it's "hell yeah!" big enough or "sure that'll work" big enough or even "yeah... but..." big enough. As in "Yeah it's not terribly big, but he's cute/has a nice body/I really need some" big enough so the insecurity doesn't really go away.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> As to the dik pic, actually these days it's pretty standard that you may have already shared naked pictures before even meeting in person.
> 
> Of course it depends, but myself being a highly sexual person, that means I meet and date other highly sexual people....and a lot of us are ok with sharing pics first because we want to know what we are in for.
> 
> I have a gallery of dik pics of guys I dated before meeting my current boyfriend.


Indeed. Try before you buy. And window shop before you try! :wink2:


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Holdingontoit said:


> I am tiny. No way can I get far enough in to rub my glans against her G spot. No wonder women do not enjoy having PIV with me. Luckily H2 is happy not to have any sex so this is not a problem for us. I am big enough for my hand!


But I wonder if guys who are 3-4" long are able to hit the G-spot "head" on , with every thrust. Whereas a longer guy will tend to slide past??

I know you're not sexually active with your wife, so you're not going to be finding that out.

But that's the reason: the absence of sex. The length of your penis is not the reason.


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> But I wonder if guys who are 3-4" long are able to hit the G-spot "head" on , with every thrust. Whereas a longer guy will tend to slide past??
> 
> I know you're not sexually active with your wife, so you're not going to be finding that out.
> 
> But that's the reason: the absence of sex. The length of your penis is not the reason.


Perhaps if @Holdingontoit wife engaged with him more sexually, he would not feel so inadequate.
Confidence can be wiped away swiftly from years of rejection. 
But H it's not you or your penis that's the problem, it's her and her issues which she never dealt with and will likely never deal with. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Buddy400 said:


> It sometimes seems as if male sexual drive is a curse.


That is certainly how I see mine. I am so glad I have gotten older and the drive has faded and the chains that bound me have loosened.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

MrsAldi said:


> But H it's not you or your penis that's the problem, it's her and her issues which she never dealt with and will likely never deal with.


It is not the entire problem, but it is part of the problem. If I were average size, that would be one less "negative" when considering the pros and cons of leaving. In my limited experience, women who don't mind that I am small are the ones who are not all that into sex. The ones who seem to be into sex don't seem to be into me once they discover my shortcoming. I have to take that into account in deciding whether it is worth leaving to try to find a woman who wants to have lots of passionate sex with me.

Yes, it is possible for me to have mutually satisfying sex with a woman despite my size. However, it is likely going to require more time and effort to locate that woman than if I were average. I am lazy. I would rather stay sexless than hunt for a unicorn. As Buddy and I discussed, there are benefits to a sexless relationship. I choose to focus on those.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't think your penis is the problem with your sex life, the problem is your wife (or possibly something else you haven't mentioned). She doesn't want sex. My wife doesn't want sex - one of her excuses is that I'm too big for her so its uncomfortable. (I'm not, too big, ist just that sex is likely to be uncomfortable for a woman if she only does it a few times a year). 

You are absoutely right - there are all sorts of ways you could please your wife if she wanted sex. Heck you could use a huge dildo if that is what she wanted, but it isn't. You could buy one and ask her, but I think you know she would say no.







Holdingontoit said:


> Thanks for trying to be supportive. Nope, sorry, about 4" fully erect. Quite thin. I have very small hands for an adult male and my hand cover the whole shaft when erect. My palm is about 3.5" across. Head is also small. That is the other 0.5". Maybe 0.75". So maybe 4.25" on a really good day.
> 
> Would not be as big a deal if my partner enjoyed HJ and BJ and toys. She doesn't. She doesn't enjoy anything we do together. So now we don't do anything together. If she plays with herself, there is no evidence over 24+ years but maybe she is incredibly discreet. I don't hide that I do (but I go into another room so it isn't obnoxious) and she seems to prefer that so she doesn't have to deal with my needs.
> 
> I agree with uhtred. Somewhere there is a teeny tiny woman I would be a good fit for. Somewhere there is a woman who really likes to give BJ and would like that I easily fit in her mouth without choking or gagging. I am not leaving my wife to go find that other woman. So it doesn't matter that she is out there.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

uhtred said:


> I don't think your penis is the problem with your sex life, the problem is your wife (or possibly something else you haven't mentioned).


You guys keep focusing on my current relationship. H2 is not my first partner. None of the others were all that hot to have sex with me, either. It was always begging and pleading. I was consistently willing to use fingers or tongue but none of them seemed to want much of anything with me. Seems pretty clear to me that I am lousy in bed. I am in my 50s. What woman who is into sex wants an old guy with a small penis and no bedroom skills? Someone who really really likes reclamation projects?

I agree that H2 not being into sex is likely to arise from her being an unrecovered rape victim and not from my having a small penis. But that doesn't mean ALL my problems arise from her traumatic experiences. It is not like I was having lots of great sex with lots of partners before I got married.

Anyway, back to the point of this thread. Size matters. It is not the only thing that matters and you can adjust and deal with whatever issues result from the combination of his size and her size. But it matters. It makes a difference. And some (many? most?) women can only orgasm from PIV if their partner has a particular size and shape. That is a functional aspect that is very different from breast size or hip size or whether you have straight or curly hair. It affects the physics / mechanics of intercourse.

And lots of people try to pretend it doesn't matter to avoid hurting guys' feelings. But that is lying. It matters.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OK, there are lots of reasons women might not be hot for sex with you. 

A fair number of women don't like sex much - you may have just been unlucky. 

Maybe you are not very skilled in bed. Have you made an effort to learn to be a good lover? IMHO if you try to bve a good lover, and have read up on general information, you are probably good in bed.








Holdingontoit said:


> You guys keep focusing on my current relationship. H2 is not my first partner. None of the others were all that hot to have sex with me, either. It was always begging and pleading. I was consistently willing to use fingers or tongue but none of them seemed to want much of anything with me. Seems pretty clear to me that I am lousy in bed. I am in my 50s. What woman who is into sex wants an old guy with a small penis and no bedroom skills? Someone who really really likes reclamation projects?
> 
> I agree that H2 not being into sex is likely to arise from her being an unrecovered rape victim and not from my having a small penis. But that doesn't mean ALL my problems arise from her traumatic experiences. It is not like I was having lots of great sex with lots of partners before I got married.
> 
> ...


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

Holdingontoit said:


> And lots of people try to pretend it doesn't matter to avoid hurting guys' feelings. But that is lying. It matters.


I think it matters in the beginning of a relationship far more than later on.

I always had problems getting an erection in initial sexual encounters.

I'm a great kisser and a skilled cunnilinguist, I never failed to bring my partner to orgasm orally. 

But, first encounter and the guy can't get an erection? What woman needs that? Especially when there's not a deep connection yet.

The answer is insecure women. This can actually be a bit of a bonus for them as it makes them more secure to know that the guy has this vulnerability.

Same for a guy with a smaller than average penis. If he can get past the initial phase, he'll have an opportunity to improve or demonstrate his other skills. But getting past the initial stage isn't a given.

Apparently, for some women, if the penis isn't the right size or the right shape, she'll never be able to orgasm from PIV. This is (or should be) a dealbreaker. Who wants to be in a relationship with a woman who could orgasm this way with previous lovers but not him (this assumes that the woman, for some odd reason, continues the relationship). 

I can't think of a similar situation that would prevent a woman from giving a man an orgasm. 

I also can't think of a similar situation that would cause a woman to worry about her sexual performance. 

For a guy in this situation, or @Holdingontoit 's, they're going to be a bit leery entering relationships and they'll lack confidence in their sexual capability. I think there are a lot of guys in this situation. It's going to be hard for them to be sexually confident with women, and chicks dig confidence.

So I think pooh poohing guy's insecurities in this area is a bit thoughtless.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Holdingontoit said:


> You guys keep focusing on my current relationship. H2 is not my first partner. None of the others were all that hot to have sex with me, either. It was always begging and pleading. I was consistently willing to use fingers or tongue but none of them seemed to want much of anything with me. Seems pretty clear to me that I am lousy in bed. I am in my 50s. What woman who is into sex wants an old guy with a small penis and no bedroom skills? Someone who really really likes reclamation projects?
> 
> I agree that H2 not being into sex is likely to arise from her being an unrecovered rape victim and not from my having a small penis. But that doesn't mean ALL my problems arise from her traumatic experiences. It is not like I was having lots of great sex with lots of partners before I got married.
> 
> ...


Would you believe me if I told you that my H's average size penis is too big for me? I would happily couple with a 'small' man. I have no reason to lie to you.

I don't know your story but I don't even think the problem is with your technique as such. I sometimes think repeated problems come from not being able to communicate our tastes and we leave it to our partners to just work it out instinctively. Some men and women are naturally good at instinctive sex, but most of us need very specific instruction - in fact done well the instruction part of sex can be very...sexy. Not everyone gets to the stage where they can just ask and it is given, *not everyone gets to the stage where they even know what they want....because their imaginations are limited.
*
I wonder if it is the personality type of lady you are attracted to that is the common factor?


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Holdingontoit said:


> However, it is likely going to require more time and effort to locate that woman than if I were average. I am lazy. I would rather stay sexless than hunt for a unicorn.


FWIW, I disagree wholeheartedly. Maybe 20 years ago this would have been an issue. Now, not so much.

Online dating is where you can put forth an accurate description of, not only what you are looking for in a partner, but what you have to offer - and that can certainly include your penis size, if you so choose, and any other piece of information that allows one to weed out (or attract) potential partners.

I wouldn't be shocked if there was a dating site for under-endowed men that already exists, TBH.

Barring that, that information can be put forth in a profile, provided it's kosher to do so, and any woman that contacts you will already have that information.

It may decrease your dating pool, but I can't imagine any more than for many other reasons. I'm 5'7", and while not super short, it's definitely too short for many women. Same with things like baldness, being overweight or thin, having facial hair, tattoos, kids, 2 ex wives... etc. The list goes on. It's just something that's not apparent initially, but thanks to online interactions and dating sites, it can be presented early enough to weed out those that care.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

peacem said:


> Would you believe me if I told you that my H's average size penis is too big for me? I would happily couple with a 'small' man. I have no reason to lie to you.
> 
> I don't know your story but I don't even think the problem is with your technique as such. I sometimes think repeated problems come from not being able to communicate our tastes and we leave it to our partners to just work it out instinctively. Some men and women are naturally good at instinctive sex, but most of us need very specific instruction - in fact done well the instruction part of sex can be very...sexy. Not everyone gets to the stage where they can just ask and it is given, *not everyone gets to the stage where they even know what they want....because their imaginations are limited.
> *
> I wonder if it is the personality type of lady you are attracted to that is the common factor?


I second all of this.

For starters, at least two of the women I've been with would be a good fit for a sub-average sized penis.

Second, there is no such thing as good technique. It all depends on your partner (and your chemistry with them). For the love of me, I couldn't please my ex wife in the slightest. Part of it was due to penis/vagina size, yes, but nothing else worked (except for fingers/gspot stimulation). Even with proper communication, trying different things - nope. If you asked her if I was a good lover, I'm 99.9% sure what her response would be.

With my current wife, it all works. It just does. I pay attention, I've learned, she's even guided me in some (rare) occurrences. But from the get-go, it just all came together, no pun intended.

Did I learn something during the years with my ex wife, or between her and my current wife? Good god, no. I'm the same lover I've always been - attentive, intent on delivering pleasure, and I listen. My penis was too big for my ex wife, and borderline too small for my current wife. Yet she's had the best sex she's ever had with me, and she was fairly experienced before I came along.

Chemistry > technique


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

MSalmoides said:


> It's surprisingly sturdy and does fold up. *We've taken it on trips!* ~MS


This just caught my funny bone. DH is still asleep, and I've been giggling silently to myself since this chair of aweseomeness entered the discussion. But when I read the bolded above the giggles could no longer be maintained and tears rolled down my face.

I would like to write more to you now, but I have to go chair shopping.


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Buffon06 said:


> There also seems to be a general consensus among the ladies of TAM that PIV orgasms are more "satisfying" and "completing" than orgasms from manual, oral, or toys, and that even when preceded by multiple clitoral orgasms, the PIV ones are the best.


Inside ones, with something to press against while its happening


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MSalmoides said:


> @Spicy I asked my wife in a serious way about the chair tonight. We hadn't really discussed it like that, it was always something that was just a part of our sex life without question. *She said two things: 1) she felt in charge, and 2) the only thing she had to feel was my body; no bed, no sheets, no floor, no couch, no pillows, no restrictions, etc. * If she lifted her legs and bicycled (her words, she's 5'1") the only thing she was connected to was me. I originally posted the chair comment and pic to share what worked for us, but dang I learned something today.
> 
> ~MS


double dang! 

I'm going chair shopping now too!


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Spicy said:


> I would like to write more to you now, but I have to go chair shopping.


https://www.overstock.com/Home-Gard...Folding-Stool-with-Back/11999085/product.html


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

...


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

badsanta said:


> https://www.overstock.com/Home-Gard...Folding-Stool-with-Back/11999085/product.html


Can't you just drop it down my chimney in a couple weeks?


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## MSalmoides (Sep 29, 2016)

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