# Wife of almost 20 years



## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

I am writing because I don't know what else to do. Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Scott. I met my wife when I was just starting college. She was perfect. She didn't drink, she didn't cuss, she was "by the book." I soon dropped out of college and joined the Army in 1995. She continued with her education to become a teacher. I left and she endured without me. She stayed by my side. Wherever I was deployed to she was always just a phone call away. She was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was "out of control." She tamed me. In 1998 we got married. It was a rocky start, like most are, and we never really had any money to go on a honeymoon. We just enjoyed spending time together. 
After several years together we started drifting apart. I didn't believe in God at the time. She did. After our first born I started loosing control. I started doing marijuana and regretting ever getting married. She was consumed with the baby. We were living in IA at the time and 8 hours away from any family. She had taken up a job as a principal and I was feeling the effects of a new baby. 
We moved back to IN to be closer to family and as soon as we did we had another child and my parents moved away. I was left alone in a strange city with 2 kids, a wife and all of her family. I was losing control. I pushed her away. I was depressed all the time and didn't know what I wanted. 
After several years we got in an argument and she kicked me out. 
She has filed for divorce three times. I have seen paperwork once since then.
We have always loved each other and over the years I have grown closer to God and her, as she has grown farther from him and me. 
After 2-1/2 years being separated and working on our relationship, this past January, "out of the blue" she decided that she felt like our relationship felt like a brother and sister one and she was filing for divorce again. It hit me by surprise. We had done everything together since last fall. Thanksgiving, dinners, Christmas. I would come home from work and fix dinner and pick up the kids. I would fix dinner for her and have it ready by the time she got home. I would pick up the house, even thought I didn't live there, and provided everything I could for her and the kids. Then one day she had enough. 
I have found out since then that she has been seeing another principal from her district. They are provided new cell phones every few years and I went in to her(our) house one day and took her old one. I found out things that I didn't want to. 
She has been having sex with this man since before she decided to end it with me. That is the reason she ended it so abruptly with me. I can't believe it. It broke my heart. 
I know that I wasn't always there for her but have grown to love her more than life. 
I confronted her with this and she claims to not be "seeing" anyone. I have proof through her phone and going into our house that this is not the case. I am not stalking her but want to know what is going on so as to protect myself. 
I am really trying to let God take control but it is hard. This man is 10 years senior to her and both are public officials. I have read how they have "met up" during the school day to do who knows what. I am just sick to my stomach and cry all the time.
I love her to death and would forgive her today if she would give me the time of day but she is off in la la land and confused.
Our daughter is turning 6 in July and my wife and I have read books to her since she was born, also our son. I have come to find out that she doesn't read to them anymore and they haven't gone to church in over 3 months. I just am so confused as to why she would throw this all away over a fling. Will this last? Do I have any hope left in getting my family back?


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Do not try being nice to her to get her back. If you have enough proof ie copies of texts and emails expose both of them. There will be more people here shortly that have been thru this before. Remain calm and be open to suggestions that you will get here at TAM.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sorry you find yourself here. 

The first thing you need to do, before confronting her further is to read the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley. It's a quick read and will give you a lot of info of what to do. Don't let her know you are reading.

Once you have that under your belt, a lot of the advice and support we give here will help you determine what to do as you try to save your marriage.


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

You mentioned that you have been separated for 2 and 1/2 years now and working on your relationship. What does that exactly mean? Marriage counseling? Going to church together? Datenights?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Woody

You have been separated for 2.5 years, you just realized she does read to the kids anymore nor go to church anymore.

Just how engaged with your wife and kids are you on a daily basis?

The fact she has filed for Divorce 3 times already does not bode well.

Have you cheated on your wife?

I think you need to expose the A. I think you need the truth from your wife.

But I also think you need to be honest with yourself about your marriage.

HM64


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Is the OM married?


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

This has all just happened since Feb. since then we went out together on family events, I stayed there till we put the kids to bed, but always read to them. I haven't lived with her all this time but we always got along and she promised me that I could move back in by Christmas. Of course this didn't happen since this new guy showed up about the same time. 
She has just recently stopped going to church and reading to the kids. I think that she is just confused and doesn't want to face God. I confronted her and she said she could do what she wanted cause we have been separated for 2-1/2yrs but we have been together doing thing together with the kids since then. 
I have never. Heated on her and still wear my wearing ring, which she hasn't for some time now. I am totally committed to this marriage. 
I asked her if I could come over and put the A/C in her bedroom window and cut the grass. I used to do it for money but offed to do it for free cause I love having my daughter ride along with me. She declined. A few days later she asked me if I wanted to come over and do those things for her. I gladly accepted. It was great having my daughter ride with me the whole time and. Rearing a memory. Come to find out while I was outside doing this she was texting someone else saying how she just wished this divorce would hurry up
And get done. 
I confronted her the next day and she won't talk to me anymore. She somehow blames me for everything. And now can't even cut the grass for free to be with my daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

You are married so act like a husband and no a doormat. Expose the affair to the school district, familf and friends. Take the kids with you and filr for divorce. Do this today

Get yourself to the DR and toan IC


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

I wish I could take the kids. My hours don't permit me to and I don't have any family or friends living nearby to help. I am here by myself. While she has family and friends to help her. I haven't exposed this because I don't want any bad blood and am trying to be the better man. I am trying to let God settle it out. 
I have thought about confronting him and telling him to back off or I will tell his kids. They are grown. 
From what I have read he doesnt want to fall in love and/or have anything to do with my kids. 
I have thought about exposing them to the school board but think it will backfire in my face if I do and I will never have a chance at recogciliation after that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

OP I can't begin to count the mistakes you have made.You are a trained solder I know you are a man. For Christ sake get it together man.Remember who you are. Were you really charging your wife to cut the lawn ? Did I mis read that ?Whats that all about ?Do it or don't do it but don't charge for it . Is work that hard to come.Are you dealing with PTSD ? Tell us the whole story.We are here to listen and help where we can.Fix you then fix what you can.


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

I did it for money cause I was making very little money and she offered to pay me. I didn't like it but didn't have a choice. I am trying to pay my bills plus child support while letting her keep everything we owned.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You have to expose this to have any chance of getting her back. He will drop her like a hot potato if his job is at risk.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

I have more to say but I will wait to hear more of your story before I add somthing that can be helpful.How is your level of self respect these days ?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WooDyB75 said:


> I did it for money cause I was making very little money and she offered to pay me. I didn't like it but didn't have a choice. I am trying to pay my bills plus child support while letting her keep everything we owned.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What do you do for a living?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I know how this ends, by the time the kids are 10-16 yo and the first guy (the princepal is long gone) and she (your old lady) is on her 5th -10th guy you will finally have had enough.

So having been there but in the same breath never have been seperated, me and Mrs. the guy spent over a decade *pretending* to be married. as I treated her like crap and she went thru the motions as a mother and a wife only to focus on the 2nd life she had that put a bandaid on the marriage with her adultorus life style fo 13 freaken years..........

I finally had enough in 2010.

Face this crap head on and no matter how it pans out stop letting this women bring out the worst in you. Stop letting *her* unhealthy behavior dictate how you behave as a man and as a father.

See your chick's bull crap is effecting you as a man and that directly effect you as a father. So stop it! Stop trying to control her and stop being afraid.
Start showing some confidence and stop being a maid. Your chick wants a man not a maid. She want confident man not a husband (hence the old man in a high position that is now her boy friend).

My point is you can be that mature man in a high position and command the respect from any women... So confront her, wish her the best and inform her that this is no longer about *us* this is about you and this is about FINDING A WOMEN THAT WILL BRING OUT THE BEST IN YOU and now that she is no longer doing the job, wish he the best and smile.

See this tactic of self confidence and ego is the *only* thing that can compete with what your chick has now replaced you with.

And to be hinest you can't compete with new love, but you can let her go....a perception that will show her that #1 you will not tolorate sharing your wife, and #2 this tactic will be the only thing that will get your ols lady to think twice about her choices.

At the end of the day dude you have to change for your self and your kids...it will be up to her to either keep up and walk next to you or fall behind.

To get her out of the fog she has to see the her current replacement is not all that and that what she once had she is about to lose as you let her go.


So let her go, man up, and make this affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible.....This my friend is infidelity 101.\\Or you can keep on doing what your doing and watch her emotionally move futher and further away. cuz in her mind you ain't going any were, so why change.

Until she sees that if she continues there will be heavy consequences for her , you, the kids, and even the OM, she will never second guess her choices.


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

tom67 said:


> You have to expose this to have any chance of getting her back. He will drop her like a hot potato if his job is at risk.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

How do expose him w/o hurting or jeperdizing her job?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> What do you do for a living?


My self respect is rather low as my self esteem these days. I can barely make
It most days. 
I am an electrician. Does that matter?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Oh ya and another thing, She can blame shift all she wants and bring up all the crap that was done to her in the past, but in the end this is not about her, this is about CHANGE and she is either along for the ride in getting your kids out of high school or you can do it your self while she goes through man after man.

Sir now that you have focus you want to know if she is in or if she is out.

If she is out then wish her the best and take the raines.

If she is in the welcome her back state your new boundries and the consequense if they are crossed and take the raines.

But one way or another you must take the rainse no matter if she is in or if she is out.

So stop being some codependent bete and alpha up and live...live for you and your kids, it will be up to your wife to reap the rewards you can offfer on bail and not take the risk again.

Its your call man, your old lady can come along or not but you do have control over your own sh1t not hers, so don't let her crap define you brother!!!!!!!!!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

WooDyB75 said:


> How do expose him w/o hurting or jeperdizing her job?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


With out consequences, bad behavior continues.

Start making this affair inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

WooDyB75 said:


> My self respect is rather low as my self esteem these days. I can barely make
> It most days.
> I am an electrician. Does that matter?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get back your self respect by showing you will not put up with this disrespect. you can't control her but you can control what you will put up with. She may or may not come back but the way you are proceeding she will NEVER come back jmo.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

WooDyB75 said:


> My self respect is rather low as my self esteem these days. I can barely make
> It most days.
> I am an electrician. Does that matter?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OK Sparky from one tradesmen to another, stop sharing your wife and face this crap head on.

I made a very big mistake 16 years ago and buried my head in the sand when my old lady 1st started screwing around.

Sir, it just ain't worth it. face it head on and if she can face this and all the consequences then there mat be some remorse...if your lucky!

At the end of the day its a fantasy and if she bails on you now, by the time she is with her 3rd or 4th boy friend she will regret this, and you will have moved on, and your kids are in the middle of a phucked up mess cuz she didn;t take the risk to see if you actually manned up or not.

I stongly suggest you wish your wife the best and smile as you thank her for giving you the kids but its time to move on.

Sorry dude for the rant, I have been her way to long to see that you will never beable to nice your way out of this.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

She has filed for divorce 3 times, kicked you out for 2 1/2 years and replaced you with a professional earning, most likely, over $100k a year while you're trying to scrounge money to pay your bills. The best advice you have at the moment is expose her activities in an attempt to drive her back to you. Son, it agonna work. Her romantic interest is at an all time low. When a woman's romantic interest drops to a certain level, it ain't ever coming back. And remember, your actions caused it. It's time to read the writing on the wall. Your goose is cooked Woody. The best you can hope for is that your kids won't grow up hating you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you want your old lady back you just have to let her go with confidence and a positive additude.

Ya dude I know it sucks I was there 3 years ago, but what this site taught me was to just let her go and if she wants back then she respect your boundries that protect you from more emotional pain.

She plays by the rule and affair proofs her marriage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm in the crowd for exposure and TP makes a good point...this marriage sound like it history, but you can confront her and inform her that you will not be giving her sh1t and that includes alimony, the house, your 401, see just signs what ever you want and you will not expose the princepal.

It sound like you want to fight for a marriage that dies 2-1/2 years ago, so TP has a really valid point.

Even though I'm a big fan in R...TP has a solid perspective in the fact that your chick has bailed a long time ago.


I still stand by the fact that no matter what, you have to dust your self off and get your crap together with or with out your wife.

You have a couple of kids that are looking for an examble of what it means to be happy and confident and being able to show them what self respect is.


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

Thx guys. I know I have been a push over but just wanted her back. I wanted to do right by my kids. I wanted my marriage to last but it sounds like it is over. It sounds like I need to confront him and tell him to back off. It sounds like I need to get on with my life and let God take over. This weekend is my boys 3rd birthday and I want to be there for it so I won't do anything till next week. Hopefully I will have what it takes to confront him and let him know that if he doesn't back off I will expose scything to the school board and his kids. 
Thx for all the advice. I will let you know what I find out later.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

WooDyB75 said:


> My self respect is rather low as my self esteem these days. I can barely make
> It most days.
> I am an electrician. Does that matter?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, it matters. Women are generally governed by the Law of Female Hypergamy. The other guy makes more than you do, so you have to have something else going for you that a woman wants in order to overcome that deficit. Like a great body and a lot of women after you and making her jealous, for example. How are you doing on that front? Women are generally speaking only really attracted to the top tier guys, if they can't marry one of those, they'll settle for the best they can get. Yours just traded up and has probably had a number of affairs prior to this guy. That's why she wanted you off the property in the first place. See how that works?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I went through your original post quite fast, what eveidence do you have to show the district/board superintendent?

They will want to see it...the OM will want to seee it. Can you put your money were your mouth is. Cuz if you can and you have some serious dirt it will scare the crap out of the OM.

Is he married or have GF ( again I read through the thread kind of fast so forgive me)?

It can be argues, but in the end once the OM is completely out of the picture then you guys can focus on finding a new marriage with the same women.

The trick to this proposal is seeing if that same chick wants to evn try after the fantasy fog clears and Om is completely out of the picture.


Dude you have a lot to deal with now, next week after you confront, you have the trask of validating what your old lady promises and what the OM promises.

Serious dude the infidelity crap is an addiction and they will take it deeper underground...even if they have to stay way from each other for a month or two.

I'm betting there is a whole lot of remorse from your old lady so be careful it could all be smoke and mirrors. Only time will tell.

So with that said....never reveal your source. I suggest as far as the OM and WW is concerned ...tell them you hired a PI and have enough to bury him.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> Women are generally speaking only really attracted to the top tier guys, if they can't marry one of those, they'll settle for the best they can get.



Fortunately, there are relatively few top tier guys and many women, especially after age 30 who are reconciled to the fact that they will never land a top tier guy in this market. 
You treat relationships like vehicles. I love my GMC Duramax. But I realize that even with proper maintenance, it will one day let me down. I can cry about it and even shoot myself because of it. Or I can simply replace it. There are many, many others that I could love just as much.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Machiavelli said:


> Yes, it matters. Women are generally governed by the Law of Female Hypergamy. The other guy makes more than you do, so you have to have something else going for you that a woman wants in order to overcome that deficit. Like a great body and a lot of women after you and making her jealous, for example. How are you doing on that front? Women are generally speaking only really attracted to the top tier guys, if they can't marry one of those, they'll settle for the best they can get. Yours just traded up and has probably had a number of affairs prior to this guy. That's why she wanted you off the property in the first place. See how that works?


On the other side of the coin here, she may have traded down. I don't remember any physical attributes being mentioned about WDB75 or OM. So with that said, there are women that will leave their doctors, lawyers and even electrician, for a ex con parole that doesn't have a job or a car....the bad boy sitch....

The point I am aiming towards, is that no matter if it cheating down or cheating up, its the waywards lack of moral compass that draws them to the direction they decide in the deciet....and yes it is a choice and not a mistake to deceive the betrayed spouse a wayward took vows with and has a contract with.

Having been here this long I have, I can tell you there a tons of reason for betrayal, but at the end of the day none of it points towards the betrayed spouse.........
Sure as a spouse you can have 50% of a unhealthy marriage, but the deciet is all on the waywards choosing.
Its simply a choice the wayward make, no matter who the AP is! big shot principal or a convicted thief


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Women are generally speaking only really attracted to the top tier guys, if they can't marry one of those, they'll settle for the best they can get. Yours just traded up and has probably had a number of affairs prior to this guy. That's why she wanted you off the property in the first place. See how that works?


Which is why there are a lot of unhappy women in this world. Women like that set the bar so unrealistically high that they almost always have to "settle for less," and even if they do get the prize, he's probably got so many women knocking on his door that he can dump her whenever he likes.

Pity for them.


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

I can almost guarantee that she has never cheated before. This is a first. She was just waiting for the right chance to leave and he just happened to come along.
My sons birthday is this coming weekend and I don't want to create waves. I want to be there for it. But after that I am going to confront him and threaten to tell him kids and the school board about what is going on if he doesn't back off. And if lets on that I talked to him about it to my wife than all bets are off. It is over. I am tired of playing games and waiting by the sidelines.
Her best friend is her sister. I am also contemplating talking to her about what is going on. I'm not sure that she could keep it from her but I would like to think that we could have an adult conversation about my wife going insane.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

WooDyB75 said:


> I can almost guarantee that she has never cheated before. This is a first. She was just waiting for the right chance to leave and he just happened to come along.
> My sons birthday is this coming weekend and I don't want to create waves. I want to be there for it. But after that I am going to confront him and threaten to tell him kids and the school board about what is going on if he doesn't back off. And if lets on that I talked to him about it to my wife than all bets are off. It is over. I am tired of playing games and waiting by the sidelines.
> Her best friend is her sister. I am also contemplating talking to her about what is going on. I'm not sure that she could keep it from her but I would like to think that we could have an adult conversation about my wife going insane.


Don"t threat no advanced warning Just go NIKE on them and *Just do it* a threat that is not executed wil only make you look weaker


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Wb75..........get counselling pronto!!


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## Red2 (Apr 28, 2013)

My opinion as a woman is that you have already lost all of her respect and she has moved on with her life without you. In her eyes, she is not having an affair, she is legally (?) separated and dating. She just wants a divorce and I would be very surprised if you managed to save the marriage.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Red2 said:


> My opinion as a woman is that you have already lost all of her respect and she has moved on with her life without you. In her eyes, she is not having an affair, she is legally (?) separated and dating. She just wants a divorce and I would be very surprised if you managed to save the marriage.



I'm a woman too and I agree with this. It sounds like you didn't treat her well earlier in your marriage and that is difficult to come back from because it sets a general tone. Us women need to feel like our man has our back and I'd be willing to bet that thanks to your earlier years she doesn't feel like that, thus the loss of respect. I know everyone likes to jump on the expose bandwagon but since they're both principals (at two different schools right?) I would be surprised if the school board cares to get involved in that ( I spent a few years in a school system). She's already filed several times so this marriage has clearly been in trouble for a long time. The best thing to do now is file for divorce yourself and keep what's left of your dignity, then start working on yourself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

WooDyB75 said:


> I am writing because I don't know what else to do. Let me start by introducing myself. My name is Scott. I met my wife when I was just starting college. She was perfect. She didn't drink, she didn't cuss, she was "by the book." I soon dropped out of college and joined the Army in 1995. She continued with her education to become a teacher. I left and she endured without me. She stayed by my side. Wherever I was deployed to she was always just a phone call away. She was the best thing to ever happen to me. I was "out of control." She tamed me. In 1998 we got married. It was a rocky start, like most are, and we never really had any money to go on a honeymoon. We just enjoyed spending time together.
> After several years together we started drifting apart. I didn't believe in God at the time. She did. After our first born I started loosing control. I started doing marijuana and regretting ever getting married. She was consumed with the baby. We were living in IA at the time and 8 hours away from any family. She had taken up a job as a principal and I was feeling the effects of a new baby.
> We moved back to IN to be closer to family and as soon as we did we had another child and my parents moved away. I was left alone in a strange city with 2 kids, a wife and all of her family. I was losing control. I pushed her away. I was depressed all the time and didn't know what I wanted.
> After several years we got in an argument and she kicked me out.
> ...


Look IMHO You sound like you still don't know what you want. You treated your marriage and family like a toy that you got involved only when you felt like it. There are years of neglect and the fact that it took infidelity for you to suddenly wake up bothers me. If you are legally separated then I don't know how I feel about her seeing other men. Right now you are not jut fighting to show your wife that you love her. You are going to have to show her that you are willing to be father, a lover, and a man. You will do that by cutting off the begging and pleading. You will start taking care of your responsibilities as a father. Taking the kids to school, being involved in all of their activities. You will be doing this for yourself more so than for her. I am a father of four and I bust my but every day for my kids and two of them aren't even mine. She will have a lot of resentment and the only way to show her you aren't the same is to change everything about yourself for the better. Start taking care of yourself. Stop questioning whether or not you want to be married. You already answered that and I am guessing your wife is still unsure. If you didn't want to be married you would have up and left a long time ago and not you have kids so I am sorry for the harshness but, If you want a chance at this you are going to have to do more than just stand up for your marriage. You are going to become the man you should have been all along. 
This isn't just a cut and dry she is cheating. There are some serious failures on your part in the marriage to the point that she was already willing to leave. You two are separated and the fact that she may have found someone that 
A) wants to be involved with your wife
b) Would be willing to be involved and not push their family away for selfish reasons.

The reason this is so harsh is to put into perspective the true mess you are wrapped up in. I am surprised your wife did not go through with the D.
With all that said you have a chance to salvage your relationship but your time is running out fast. You need to confront your wife on her infidelity. You need an IC for yourself and her. Then you need a MC. I hate to say this but your inability to commit, and act like a husband and father are the root cause of this. You wife is not in the right in that she did not wait until after a Divorce was final to go see other men. You have to change and doing some chores and being more loving aren't enough here. You are going to have to change your wife's understanding of who you are. Right now you are the husband that couldn't commit, you are the man she is just happy that you are there for the kids, you are the man that turned his back on his family. 
Now you need to be the man that fights for his marriage and the boundaries within that marriage. I am gonna go out on a limb and ask if you have been 100% faithful? If you have not then you don't have much of a leg to stand on to be upset. Regardless you now need to say enough is enough I want this marriage. I will go to counciling and work on myself. But I will not be number two to someone else. 
Good luck you are going to need it.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Her best friend/sister is in the know from the very beggining, maybe even encouraged her to begin with.


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Hello and welcome to TAM. I went thru something similar to what you are going thru. I was in the military and lost my wife there. There are some things you need to understand and get thru your head.

1. The woman you married is gone, no longer exist. 

2. The woman that is there now, doesn't love you, respect you, want you. Sorry, but that is just the way it is.

3. You must accept that you are going to start a NEW LIFE NOW! I know that you think about the past, but that is just wasting the few days that you have left in your life.

4. You will receive a lot of very good advice here on TAM, use the knowledge here to evolve into a better person. You will have to move forward, like it or not, the future is coming.

5. You need to work on yourself. You are good enough, you are smart enough and you are blessed to be in the USA. Try listening to Tony Robbins tapes, try YouTube. Become better at electronics, just stop worrying about her and start worrying about you.

6. Keep us updated on your progress. There are other women in the world, this one just did not work out. She is not a God, she is not better than you, she just changed her mind. Do not do anything that would land you in jail over a woman. This is her time on Earth, and it is your time also.

7. Just my 2 cents David


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

You know there comes a time in life where two adults have to act like adults.

I think this is one of those times.

You both need to be there for your kids.

You guys have been separated for a long time.

I think you should collect your evidence, sit your wife down and tell her you know and ask her for the truth.

Your priorities should be your kids.

If your wife is truly done with the marriage then you need to own up to your part in it failing.

And then the two of you decide how best to proceed coparenting together so your kids do not suffer as much.

JMO

HM64


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

You've been separated for 2 1/2 years. She probably hasn't felt married to you in quite some time but just couldn't file for divorce and stick to it. Now that she has another man in her life she is probably thinking there is a better life out there for her than the one she's been living with you. I'm not sure there really is anything you can do here to be honest but good luck to you anyway.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

WooDyB75 said:


> I wish I could take the kids. My hours don't permit me to and I don't have any family or friends living nearby to help. I am here by myself. While she has family and friends to help her. I haven't exposed this because I don't want any bad blood and am trying to be the better man. I am trying to let God settle it out.
> I have thought about confronting him and telling him to back off or I will tell his kids. They are grown.
> From what I have read he doesnt want to fall in love and/or have anything to do with my kids.
> I have thought about exposing them to the school board but think it will backfire in my face if I do and I will never have a chance at recogciliation after that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will never end the A and you will never have a chance to R without exposing. In my case my wife was f'ing a high school teacher. I exposed to the Principal and the super. He used school email and school phones to set things up. Exposing shut it down. Your wife is using you as a doormat. She likes the take charge attitude she is getting from the OM. 

You are not in charge of your family, your wife or your life. She has no problems because she can string you along. The only chance you have to fix this is to be tough. The A is over, it has been exposed and you move back in and do it now!

I speak from experience nice guys do not fix marriages they get run over


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

OP, you have made a number of mistakes along the way. That goes without saying. But the worst one you made was agreeing to separate for that long and giving her control of the process. You should have insisted that you either live together as a family or you would move on without her. 

I know it's water under the bridge now, but all that did was diminish whatever remaining respect your wife had for you and give her the time to plan her exit affair - all the while she kept you in the background as plan B.

Too late to correct that. But not too late to expose them to her family, your family, his wife/SO, and to the school board. Don't confront him directly because it makes you look even weaker. The exposure likely won't get either of them fired, but it will make the A all the more difficult for them. When she gets mad about it, too bad. Tell her you were trying to save your marriage.

At the same time, you need to show her that you are moving on without her. Do the 180 on her, but be a good father. Improve yourself mentally and physically. Assume that she won't change her mind because she likely won't.

That is not only your best path to even have the slightest chance for R, but also to prepare you for the rest of your life without her.


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

Thanks to all who have responded. I am definitely hurting right now but am able to make it day to day. I am thinking all this information over and will let you all know what I plan on doing. As I stated before, this weekend is my sons 3rd birthday and I would like to attend. If I do anything before that than it will just make for a bad weekend. I pray to God everyday to bring her back to Him and me but I'm not sure He is listening right now, or is on a different time table. I will surely keep working on myself and ignore her except when it come to my kids. 
I only see them for about 24hrs a week. This is not enough. But as my daughter goes to school in the same city where my wife works and doesn't get home till late it doesn't help through the week.
This past weekend I took them on Friday night and returned them home Saturday evening. I was hoping that the wife would take them to church Sunday morning. I called later Sunday evening to check on the kids and was informed that they spent the night at their aunts house Saturday night and didn't go to church Sunday. I am really upset about this. If I would have known that she was going to have a sleepover with her new man, I would have had my kids stay with me again Saturday night. I feel like I am so "out of the loop." And I cant make her tell me whats going on with our kids. I know they would have rather spent the night with me too.


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## Shoshannah (Aug 29, 2012)

WooDyB75 said:


> Thanks to all who have responded. I am definitely hurting right now but am able to make it day to day. I am thinking all this information over and will let you all know what I plan on doing. As I stated before, this weekend is my sons 3rd birthday and I would like to attend. If I do anything before that than it will just make for a bad weekend. I pray to God everyday to bring her back to Him and me but I'm not sure He is listening right now, or is on a different time table. I will surely keep working on myself and ignore her except when it come to my kids.
> I only see them for about 24hrs a week. This is not enough. But as my daughter goes to school in the same city where my wife works and doesn't get home till late it doesn't help through the week.
> This past weekend I took them on Friday night and returned them home Saturday evening. I was hoping that the wife would take them to church Sunday morning. I called later Sunday evening to check on the kids and was informed that they spent the night at their aunts house Saturday night and didn't go to church Sunday. I am really upset about this. If I would have known that she was going to have a sleepover with her new man, I would have had my kids stay with me again Saturday night. I feel like I am so "out of the loop." And I cant make her tell me whats going on with our kids. I know they would have rather spent the night with me too.


 When I went through our rough period of infidelity, when my husband of 12 years told me he didn't love me or want me anymore, when I looked into my children's eyes and wanted to die, I remember that "the battle belongs to The Lord." It wasn't my battle, it was a spiritual battle needing much prayer, whichblasted well over a year. I prayed, I cried a lot. This was all 12 years ago. Today we have a wonderful, much closer marriage. I wish I had had TAM back then because I thought I was going crazy with all of the trickle truth I was getting, but in my heart I knew it wasn't my battle. Don't stop praying. Don't forget that you are fighting a spiritual battle. I am praying for you.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Red2 said:


> My opinion as a woman is that you have already lost all of her respect and she has moved on with her life without you. In her eyes, she is not having an affair, she is legally (?) separated and dating. She just wants a divorce and I would be very surprised if you managed to save the marriage.


I'm a woman and I have to agree with the above. If you were charging your wife to cut the grass , you guys weren't really married in her eyes. I'm not sure I can say I blame her.


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## WooDyB75 (Apr 29, 2013)

Shoshannah said:


> When I went through our rough period of infidelity, when my husband of 12 years told me he didn't love me or want me anymore, when I looked into my children's eyes and wanted to die, I remember that "the battle belongs to The Lord." It wasn't my battle, it was a spiritual battle needing much prayer, whichblasted well over a year. I prayed, I cried a lot. This was all 12 years ago. Today we have a wonderful, much closer marriage. I wish I had had TAM back then because I thought I was going crazy with all of the trickle truth I was getting, but in my heart I knew it wasn't my battle. Don't stop praying. Don't forget that you are fighting a spiritual battle. I am praying for you.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

WooDyB75 said:


> I pray to God everyday to bring her back to Him and me but I'm not sure He is listening right now, or is on a different time table.


You STBXW may be praying to God that you just let her go. Woody your best strategy is to let her go. If she realizes she made a mistake and comes back, that's great. If she never comes back, she was already gone emotionally a long time ago and you may as well accept that staying with this girl is not your destiny. It's life man. You can't always keep from going over the cliff just because you've turned it around.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Woody

Let us know how you make out this weekend.

Maybe you can get your wife to open up and be honest with you.

It is worth a shot.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Woody-----if you have definite, rock solid proof, you do the following------1st---I don't think there is a future with your wife---but you do not want her to lose her job---as half of her retirement---while you are married---will come to you when she retires----even if you are separated---YOU ARE STILL LEGALLY MARRIED---so half that retirement is yours---you will need it down the line

If you are just separated, and NOT LEGALLY SEPERATED---then you are entitled to half of her paycheck------

You need to start demanding what is rightfully yours

You go to her lover, and tell him the following, and take someone with you---and have a VAR----so he can't fabricate some lie to get you in trouble, or try to weasel out of what he has done

You tell him---he stops seeing your wife as of YESTERDAY---or you will go to the school board, and you will go to the state licensing board---and you will go to the newspapers, and TV stations---and expose him---He will get nailed on the district morals clause, in his contract.

He as a principal---is held to a MUCH HIGHER STANDARD, than that of a teacher---so his job will be gone----even if the school supt., and school board members love him---they cannot protect him, if you take this public---plus the school district---DOES NOT WANT THE BAD PUBLICITY

Tell him he has 24 hrs to break it off----and if you ever find out that he has contacted your wife, except on a work level---his job, and career are gone

When you talk to him---it is with ICY CALM---you say your piece---do not argue, discuss, anything---say what you have to say and leave

If he tries to come back at you, or threaten legal action----simply tell him---THE TRUTH WILL PREVAIL---AND I HAVE PROOF OF WHAT THE REAL TRUTH IS

As to your wife---I think it is over---just prepare yourself to move on, and try to have a good, decent, and productive future.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

One more thing--if the male principal---the so called lover---says you are threatening him---tell him---NO---I am just telling you WHAT I ACTUALLY INTEND TO DO---this IS NO THREAT---this is what is gonna happen----again---make your statement and leave.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Believe me JNJ, there may be some women worth going to jail for, but I've never met one. It's better to just replace them.


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