# Despite Progressing, Do You Ever Miss Your Ex?



## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Hi All - 

Even though I feel that I have made some good progress with emotianl detachment and acceptance of my separation, including the possibility that we will end up divorced, I sometimes backslide and experience moments of missing my H terribly. Does this happen to anyone else?

I know it is useless to focus on him and the limbo and unknowns, and am working hard to stay positive and make each day the best it can be. But the memories of him and the good times and the things I miss about him still tug at me occasionally. I suppose this is normal, right?

Cheers, - A12


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

YES. I was never married to my ex, but YES I still have bouts of missing him. It's awful, I wish I didn't have those feelings. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

You seperated for a reason, dont ever forget that. By cutting all ties, you help yourself the most.


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## MainStreetExile (Jun 26, 2012)

I miss her right now.

I left my home on Easter Sunday of this year when my suspicions regarding my STBW's EA were finally proven to be correct. There has scarcely been a moment in the intervening 79 days in which I have not missed her. Sometimes vaguely, often intensely, when all is said and done I can count the moments of real peace on one hand. Despite therapy, endless self-reflection and an effort to be objective that can only be defined as enormous, I measure my progress in microns.


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## Mothra777 (Apr 10, 2012)

Sometimes I miss her incredibly then at other times not at all. I think after 17 years of marriage I will have these ups and downs for a long time. There are so many memories and there is a lot of her personality in my son whom I have primary care of. I don't know if I will ever reach a point of never missing her completely. The worst is when I dream of us as a family again and I wake up for a second thinking the whole separation was just a bad dream.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Your EX is your EX for many reasons --- focus on those reasons and mssing her/him may not be so hard.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

try moving on from 30 years of a marriage ! 

~sammy


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

No. I miss what was in my heart that was attached to the relationship and life I thought I was building at the time. But I don't miss my energy being sucked into the vortex of his own personal h*ll. I'm glad to be in a place where I can put my energy into my day and my next day and my future and have it waiting for me there when the rest of me arrives, so to speak. 

I really don't miss having him lie to me and feeling that he is not sincere about what he's saying, but not having any proof to confront him with and having to accept the lies or have him start in on accusing me of stuff when I questioned his behavior/words and expressed how it was making me feel, only to have my feelings made fun of, ridiculed, etc. and being accused of seeing someone at the gym, not loving him, etc. Good grief. No, I don't miss any of that. It was so oppressive, and yet I kept on trying, not realizing how energy-sucking he was, and deliberately. He lied to me about OW (that's plural) from day 1. When I started uncovering his mess of lies, deceit and manipulation it was such a big cesspool I had to call in major help for my rescue. I'm not real sure I could pull that off again.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Awakening2012 said:


> Hi All -
> 
> Even though I feel that I have made some good progress with emotianl detachment and acceptance of my separation, including the possibility that we will end up divorced, I sometimes backslide and experience moments of missing my H terribly. Does this happen to anyone else?
> 
> ...


Yes, it's normal. I too ponder on what it would be like to get back with him. But, in my situation, it would be like taking a giant step backwards. Kind of like giving up on what I have accomplished living without him. And, since he never really showed any remorse for his actions, it would, for me, be more of a resignation than a new beginning.

I weigh those thoughts as an academic exercise rather than wishful thinking, and always come up with the same answer. Leaving him was the right thing to do and I have no regrets.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

No, I have not missed her once in the last month and a half. Then I look at the bank account and see another bounced payment, I find myself missing her even less...I will be so glad to just be done with this, and actually be able to take care of myself and stop taking care of her. Paying bills on time...what a concept.

And the thought of her with another man? Good! Means less time I will have to pay maintenance.


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## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

It's been 2.5 weeks since I moved out with the kids, and I do not miss him, but I miss the dreams we put together. Day to day it can still be rough going, but I'm determined to find myself in a better spot emotionally so I can move on with my life. Huzzah!


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

I had fear I would miss her terribly once she moved out. The first week was hard sleeping in an empty bed. The first night both kids were gone was also hard. Two months later I do miss her sometimes, but I enjoy not having to deal with our emotional BS day in and day out. I'd rather be single then live like that ever again. The last two years of emotional he!! seem to override the good memories I have prior to D-Day. No prior good memory can justify living in the pain/limbo we were sharing together.


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## Awakening2012 (Apr 13, 2012)

Thanks all - It helps to hear your experiences. It is my impression that the spouse who feels they were the "dumpee" -- the one who did not want or initiate the breakup and who hoped themarriage could be saved -- has a harder time letting go and moving on. I know I am regressing here, but just feel the need to get it out of my system: I still feel so disappointed that my husband left me, gave up on me and our marriage, and broke my heart. I could never in a million years have imagined this happening, and it still feels surreal. Yes, it is getting a little easier with time, and I am not crying over it as much or as often. I am doing everything I can to stay busy and keep my focus off of him and the sad situation, but there are times -- like this morning alone at home getting ready for work -- when the feeling of solitude still devastates me. Thanks for letting me vent.

Best, - A12


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Hang in there, Sweetie! *hugs* 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rawrdonstein (Jun 14, 2012)

At first yes. Then I found out the real reason why she left. Now I'm happy to be on the lookout for the person I deserve instead of someone who just viewed me as an option instead of a priority. Fvck Em


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Rawrdonstein said:


> At first yes. Then I found out the real reason why she left. Now I'm happy to be on the lookout for the person I deserve instead of someone who just viewed me as an option instead of a priority. Fvck Em


While our seperation and impending divorce was officially a mutual decision, she was the one who initiated it, and yeah, at first it was horrible, but now it is a huge relief, and really, I don't miss her at all, don't miss her in my bed, don't miss her condecending tone of voice, don't miss her spending money we don't have, don't miss her guilt trips, don't miss her...well don't really miss anything about her.


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## Rawrdonstein (Jun 14, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> While our seperation and impending divorce was officially a mutual decision, she was the one who initiated it, and yeah, at first it was horrible, but now it is a huge relief, and really, I don't miss her at all, don't miss her in my bed, don't miss her condecending tone of voice, don't miss her spending money we don't have, don't miss her guilt trips, don't miss her...well don't really miss anything about her.


Like you said "Relief" Amen brother Amen


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

A12,to me it's only normal and I don't see it as backsliding.I left my wife,but to say I never missed her or the connection we had would have only been a denial.Truth is you and your H,though you ran into some trouble,have/had a deep love connection and I'm sure he experiences moments similar to your own.It maybe trite to say,but time is a great healer and in my opinion you've got a pretty good handle on things.Hope the day gets better for you!

"To let go is not to deny,but to accept"


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## in my tree (Jun 9, 2012)

Sure it is. You are remembering the good times which is something that happens when we miss someone. 

Personally, I don't miss my ex at all but I am weird.


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## Twins (Jun 26, 2012)

Yes, I agree with awakenings comment. The mornings are the worst. Today I cried at the drug store when shopping for a card. Thought about all the cards he gave me that were truly from his heart. Still in shock really.


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## Dustball (May 16, 2012)

I've been missing him since before we split up. I miss the good moments, and I miss the man he used to be. I miss the dreams, the plans we had, etc.


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## worrieddad (Nov 3, 2011)

The person she's morphed into...don't miss much at all. I do however miss having an intact family.


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## Bitter+Sweet (May 19, 2012)

I miss him sometimes. I miss him BBQ on the grill, cutting the grass, telling me how cute I look, or palming my butt. I miss those good times.

I don't miss his anger. I don't miss him lying to me. I don't miss him expressing himself to me and then when I tried to talk he would cut me off, talk over me, or tell me he already knows what I am talking about. That would really piss me off.

I figure I will be missing the good times for a while. But the bad times should help me know what I want from a man and what I am not willing to put up with...provided another man comes into my life one day. Of course I can't even think about that right now b/c I miss my STBXH.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Bitter+Sweet said:


> I miss him sometimes. I miss him BBQ on the grill, cutting the grass, telling me how cute I look, or palming my butt. I miss those good times.
> 
> I don't miss his anger. I don't miss him lying to me. I don't miss him expressing himself to me and then when I tried to talk he would cut me off, talk over me, or tell me he already knows what I am talking about. That would really piss me off.
> 
> I figure I will be missing the good times for a while. But the bad times should help me know what I want from a man and what I am not willing to put up with...provided another man comes into my life one day. Of course I can't even think about that right now b/c I miss my STBXH.


It will happen -- just take your time to recover and heal you heart. It is like a death -- your marriage died -- but like everything else in life -- take it a day at a time --- and you will get there.

The best thing you said is that you now know what you don't want in a man -- never forget that !!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> While our seperation and impending divorce was officially a mutual decision, she was the one who initiated it, and yeah, at first it was horrible, but now it is a huge relief, and really, I don't miss her at all, don't miss her in my bed, don't miss her condecending tone of voice, don't miss her spending money we don't have, don't miss her guilt trips, don't miss her...well don't really miss anything about her.


oh amen
it's like a switch has been turned off for me, I don't miss him one iota - like you, the spending money we didn't have, the anger at everything around him, the explosions and tantrums and complete disregard for anyone else's feelings, the selfishness, always having to have his own way

I'm not saying I never get lonely, but I definitely do NOT want him back. In any way shape or form.


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