# Military Spouse..much needed advice.



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Hey..Ive been married to my Marine for just about 5 years now. We have 2 beautiful daughters..and our marriage is just like any young couples would be..stressful. Last November he was told he would have to do a 12 month tour in Japan..unaccompanied. As much as I love and trust him, I had a gut feeling something would happen over there, due to his outrageous drinking habits. Well..3 and a half weeks ago he tells me he's being investigated for assaulting a troop, while he was drunk. To make a long story short, I believed him, and the good wife I am decides to call and talk to a lawyer to see if that would help him. WELL the lawyer had already received a msg from my husband and slipped up that it was sexual assault charges. I confront my husband ( over the phone of course) and he hesitantly tells me yes. He went in the girls room to see if his friend was there, and left. Then I tell him it dosent make sense, and I question a little more, he tells me he didnt want to talk over the phone about it..but in person when he got home..then he finally tells me the truth. He went in her room, to look for his friend, and as he was leaving, they kissed and groped each other..but they didnt have sex and blah blah blah. Says he was really drunk, this is the first time anyhting like that ever happened..hes not drinking anymore..25 days sober. I honestly just dont know. Right now, he's going through so much with this case, because this girl is basically the barracks ***** ( which obviously dosent make me feel any better) and just about everyone who knows her on base, knows she bsing to get out of trouble, because they were both in the wrong, but shes trying to pin it on him. If anyone is a military spouse and has had anyhting like this happen, please I need help. Advice..anything. I love him, but i dont want to be the moron who believes him. Thanks.


----------



## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

Nikki, I will first list the mistakes you made, and I know this does not help you now, but after, I will address your current issue.

1. NEVER start a family with a marine. Doing so is selfish. This is because children need and deserve a full time father. With all the single young men around, there is NEVER a need for a father to be in the military. This delusion that they are patriotic and serving their country is Bool Sheet. Children are far more important then the country.

2. A marine having a drinking problem is a man that showed those issue BEFORE you married him and BEFORE he joined up. So why did you marry this loser?

3. A man that points to being drunk as a "reason" for his stupidity is a man that is a loser, and a pooosy. You married a poosy, and loser. Sorry but it is a fact.

4. He broke his married vows and there is NO REASON, no explanation that would excuse this. The fact that he uses these flimsy excuses proves he is a poosy, a loser, and anyone in your family or any of your friends that did not warn you of him before you married and before you had children share in this mistake. They are stupid people.

5. The marines is a respectable organization. And many of them are awesome men. Having said that, I also want to say that many of the young bucks that join up do it for reasons that are not so obvious. For these losers, they joined because they flunked out of college, or didn't have the grades to be accepted. The marines was the last train out, so to speak, the only organization that would take their sorry azz. Often you find a lot of these losers are fathers, and you have to ask, why in the heeell did they put their children 2nd and not first? It's not like there is no one else to go off and play soldier. These selfish idiots use the pretext of "serving my country", "defending America" and other bool sheet. It's all BS. These are mostly losers.

Comments on your current situation:

1. Your marine broke his wedding vows and he cannot EVER be trusted. So get out, get out, get out, and let your family help you with the children and help you on your feet.

2. You might think or be told that "the children deserver a father", but the missing word is the word "Great". Your husband is NOT a good father, muchless great. He must not be relied upon to father your children. He is a poossy, and a loser.

3. Love is NEVER enough to justify staying in a marriage. Love is hopelessly never enough. People in divorce court often have oddlesa and oddles of love...and what got them there is the absense of many other things, like good character, knowing how a stand up husband and father is to be, how a good wife and mother is to be, etc.

4. The road to hell is filled with women that kept waiting and waiting for their little boys to be grown men. Don't be another one of those women! I take it you are still young....move forward, and be there for your kids...in time find a great man that can accept them and be a full time dad and male role model. Your children are far too important to be fathered by a little boy that loves to drink and play soldier.

My 22 year old daughter is engaged to a 23 year old marine but before I blessed their union I ask them both to promise me the following:

1. He will NOT be a career marine.
2. They will not start a family until he is out of the marines, and they both have finished their college educations, and only after 4-6 good years of marriage (to see if it will last).

I wish you the best, and I hope you and the kids get a resolution that will be the best for you all. Your idiot marine forced your hand when he touched that woman...by the way, she is not the bad person here, so don't confuse her with being the one that killed your marraige....if anything, you should thank that sluuut for exposing the bad character your husband had BEFORE he touched her. In a way this is good news...now you are free to find true love, having 100% trust, respect, and MATURITY....find a great man that will be that man, that father, that husband, that will give you awesome sex and ONLY YOU....don't settle for crumbs, Honey!!


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Wow. Well I guess I foot the blame then. We eloped after knowing each other for 3 months..we had problems before I get pregnant..worked them out..then had not one..but 2 kids together..after having problems on and off. 
My issue with just getting up and leaving is, yeah I know im a turd for marrying someone with alcohol problems..but he stopped drinking. And sounds sorry during our phone conversations. He expresses how he knows hes to blame, and has to go to counseling to find out where all his problems are stemming from. Hes asking for a second chance..and said he would get out of the military so we can focus on ourselves and the kids.

I dont know..im torn. And probably seem like a moron


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Nikki,
Do not foot the blame, always remember that your H made a choice to step out of the marraige. He got drunk and made a choice to but him self in a position that caused him to make another choice by recipricating intimacy with the OW.

Now it looks like the both of you are making healthier choices for the marriage and thats what counts.


----------



## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

Nikki1023 said:


> Wow. Well I guess I foot the blame then. We eloped after knowing each other for 3 months..we had problems before I get pregnant..worked them out..then had not one..but 2 kids together..after having problems on and off.
> My issue with just getting up and leaving is, yeah I know im a turd for marrying someone with alcohol problems..but he stopped drinking. And sounds sorry during our phone conversations. He expresses how he knows hes to blame, and has to go to counseling to find out where all his problems are stemming from. Hes asking for a second chance..and said he would get out of the military so we can focus on ourselves and the kids.
> 
> I dont know..im torn. And probably seem like a moron


Nikki, just know, that your husband will tell you ANYTHING to get back in with you. Anything. You really can't know his sincerity until a lot of time goes by. Words are just that. Words. 

Given the history, I think your chances of having a happy with him is very, very low...Yes, this mess was in part your mistake, but you can learn from it and move on...you deserve a Prince...a man that is a stand up guy, will never cheat, and will have a job that keeps him home with the wife an kids nearly all the time.

And even if he stops drinking, his attitudes, his way of thinking are still alcoholic....so drinking alone is not going to fix much.


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

So you think second chances arent crazy? 10 yrs from now, I just dont want to look back on the decision ive made and regret it. If he's taking the blame and saying he'll go to AA.. counselling..and couples counselling to try and work it out..does he deserve a second chance? DO I owe that to my kids? I mean..if it was just me and him, I would have left. Its more than just that though.


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

SO you dont think people could change? Were young..figured wed face problems sometime in our 20s. I was 20..he was 23..now Im turning 25..him 28.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

What ever choice you make, look at at it as if you feel you are *not* running away from something. Look again and make sure all avenues have beed used and taken before this kind of step is taken. In the event all avenues have been taken and you see your self running towards something then take the step needed.

When you walk out of a marriage it should feel good, a relief, a burden lifted off your shoulders knowing you did everything in your power with out resolve, so you move on with a smile on your face knowing there will be no regrets.

If you leave this marriage crying and with doubt then you will never know will you? Only to have that feeling you mentioned.....years from now. 

2nd Chance are great for both spouses it gives the wayward a chance to redeem, and the loyal a chance to make sure all avenues have been taken so as to never have regrets.

Granted there is no for sure thing here and it is posibly that you may want to kick your self for doing something like giving a second chance, but at the end of the day you can walk away not having the doubt you currently have. Or years from now as your pushing his wheel chair he will thank you for the chance and you will thank him for being the man that he could be.

Every one diserve *one* chance to rdo a wrong. 

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

A 3rd chance is a strike out and then it time to move on.


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

Wow thanks guys. You both gave me two opposite opinions...and advice and I feel like they both will help me. I do miss a lot about him..I went on a different forum dealing with sex in marriage..and it was weird, i dunno. i felt like everyhting i said had no validity because of what he did. There is alot to consider and I really do thank you both..for your opinions, advice and experience.


----------



## ThirdTimeACharm (Sep 1, 2011)

Nikki, hope you can find sustainable happiness!!


----------



## Nikki1023 (Sep 24, 2011)

So do I!! thanks


----------



## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

Nikki1023 said:


> SO you dont think people could change?


In my experience, I've learned (after 12 hard years) that a zebra can't change his stripes


----------



## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

ThirdTimeACharm said:


> 1. NEVER start a family with a marine.
> 
> For these losers, they joined because they flunked out of college, or didn't have the grades to be accepted.
> 
> ...


Why so jaded against marines?
Aren't thanksgiving dinners at your house going to be a peach for your daughter and new SIL??


----------

