# Recently seized by the urge to settle down - is it time?



## ispellgood (Mar 31, 2011)

Hello everyone,

I just needed a little advice about marriage and settling down. I'm 24 and my boyfriend is turning 38 this year. We've been in a relationship for a little over a year and a half and have known each other for about the same length of time.

To put it simply, I am starting to feel the need to domesticize. As this relationship with him progresses - I have started to notice a change in my mindset and personal attitudes towards life and relationships.

I have never, in my entire life, have felt any inclination to marry or indulged in daydream fantasies about my wedding dress and walking down the aisle - nor have I ever had any thought about having kids or imagining future children. Growing up, I've always the kind of person who was allergic to babies, allergic to sentimental romance - the kind of girl who didn't mind sitting alone in a room full of strangers while reading a book. 

This has been my personality to date. Until recently. 

I was already in a serious relationship a few years ago with someone nearer to my age which lasted 3 years. The relationship was mature and we parted on good terms without any baggage. However I can honestly say that although we loved each other genuinely, there was no desire to marry, and definitely no desire to have kids.

But now, with this man, I've done a complete 180. I catch myself daydreaming about our future childen. I dream about building a life with him and a future together. The desire is strong, and it's scaring me because I've never felt this way before. There's so much I'd still like to do with my life (or rather, should do with my life), but I can't deny that my heart wants to settle down.

I know that the age difference is a factor. But I can also vouch for the originality of what I'm feeling towards this person. 

Nesting instincts? The fabled biological clock? I don't know what to do and this recent urge has kept me up at night overthinking. Hope you can help.


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## ispellgood (Mar 31, 2011)

If it means anything - I'm a college graduate and hold a steady 9-5 marketing job in a multinational company. I met my boyfriend at work, and we both have similar personalities - we're both loners, we both like long walks, we both enjoy intelligent conversation (although majority of the time, we're wuite) - but where I'm actually outspoken and vivacious he is more silent and reserved.


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## Neil (Jan 5, 2011)

i'll give you 3 words of advice, especially since the mindset of an average bloke cannot mind read...

Talk
to
him

You never know, he may feel exactly the same way, and have the same issues in being scared to bring it up.

You may have a very pleasant suprise


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## Neil (Jan 5, 2011)

oh and if your familiar with the famous speach tony blair once gave before coming into power in the UK (education, education, education)...

I will say one other thing, genuine long lasting relationships have one major thing in common...

"Communication, Communication, Communication"...


Good Luck


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## JJG (Mar 9, 2011)

I would just make sure that these feelings are coming 100% from you and you are not adopting them (even subconsciously) from him where he is in a different stage of life. There are so many stories on here of people falling in love with someone and settling down young only to resent it (and their partner further down the line.

Also (just my opinion) i would suggest not marrying anyone that you have not been in a relationship with for at least 3 years and lived together for at least 6mths to a year.


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## ispellgood (Mar 31, 2011)

Thanks for your replies! Neil - I think I'll take your advice and gently try to talk to him about this. Hard to do so though because he happens to be a very taciturn person. Difficult to engage him in emotionally intimate conversation without his feeling threatened by my need to communicate. JJG - thank you, interesting though there as I definitely could be mirroring his own subconscious desires to settle down at his age. At the same time though, my feelings have not subsided. Will see where this goes... Thank you both so much again!


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