# Bored



## Pap (Nov 21, 2017)

I am happily married with kids. Only thing is my sex life is unfulfilled. 

My wife is lovely and makes sure we have sex fairly regularly. However, she finds it mostly 6/10 and is happy to stick with that. I feel she is selling herself short and want her to experience more pleasure. However she is unwilling to embrace this.

I find this a big strain on our marriage.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Pap said:


> I am happily married with kids. Only thing is my sex life is unfulfilled.
> 
> My wife is lovely and makes sure we have sex fairly regularly. *However, she finds it mostly 6/10 and is happy to stick with that*. I feel she is selling herself short and want her to experience more pleasure. However she is unwilling to embrace this.
> 
> I find this a big strain on our marriage.


??? not sure what you mean by 6/10 six out of 10 days?
Anyway she is happy and you feel a big strain. It's almost impossible to motivate a happy person.


----------



## aaarghdub (Jul 15, 2017)

I think he means 6 on a scale of 1 to 10. Face it sex means something different to her than you. Previous poster is right, if she’s happy with it, the bar’s going nowhere. My wife got pissed at the thought of our sex life needed to be improved and that she wasn’t good enough. What she heard thru her filter is i wanted porn star sex. Which is not what I wanted. What I said was I wanting to have more fun and for her to talk more.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'm confused by the OP. Are you stating that you think your wife is selling herself short by not getting the most out of sex, i.e. refusing to be adventurous and/or refusing to allow you to get her to orgasm? Or are you saying she is selling herself short because she settled for mediocre sex because you can't give her any better than a solid 6 our of 10 performance? Seems like you can interpret this in multiple ways.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

What is she discouraging that you want to do? Perhaps you've had prior sexual experiences that were better? Have you read books like Married Man's Sex Life Primer? Love Busters? His Needs, Her Needs?


----------



## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

We were there ourselves. Without going into great detail that some may find distasteful, we decided to put our marriage before all else, even monogamy. We did not look for it but one drunken night our best friends asked us if we would like to wife swap. I left it to my wife figuring she would say no since I was the only man she had sex with. I did not think she would be curious as to how sex was with someone else so she said yes. 

We both hated it. You think you know people. Our friends were into very rough sex and it left my wife bruised and without even coming close to an orgasm. My friend’s wife kept telling me to hurt her more until I just gave up. However the sex my wife and I had when we got home was fantastic as we reclaim each other. There is something called sperm competition and even valuing your spouse more when others want them involved. 

We did not want to wife swap again, but my wife did invited a few of her girlfriends to join us in a threesome which they all did. TO be immodest, I was considered a hot guy in our town. Those threesomes were not great. They were just to spice up the sex my wife and I had afterwards. Long story short mew wife’s BFF got divorced and moved in with us. Turned out she was secretly bi and my wife had been fantasizing about sex with women (she is now bi), so it worked out great. We moved our girlfriend into our home and she was in our life for most of our 46 years of marriage. Fantastic is all I can say and not just the sex. We were all very good friends since childhood and each was able to provide the things the other two could not provide for each other, even if they wanted to.

So that is what we did. We made a decision to put our marriage before all else, even monogamy. We were no promiscuous as we were in a polyfidelitous triad with our best friend. Basically monogamy for three instead of two. It worked for us but I never recommend it to others as no one else we knew made it work without ending up divorced. In our case it was a perfect storm of three lifelong people who fit tougher like a puzzle with never so much as a jealous moment or even an argument of note. 

You do not need to do what we did though. That just happened and was not planned. Yet if the shoe fits and all that. You can remain monogamous and explore all the fetishes and kinks out there to see which you both like. Try taking a quiz that you each take and only those things you both want to try will show up in the result so no embarrassing moments. Go here https://www.weshouldtryit.com

We have been a monogamous couple again for the last 9 years and still find things to try to spice up our sex life. My point is not to follow our sex life as most will not even believe it. We actually gave it no thought because to us it was just our normal life while it was happening. It was only after it ended that we realized that we had something special. We are always trying new things to keep our monogamous sex life interesting in our late 60’s. All it takes is two willing people who can honestly communicate with each other and find a mutually satisfying solution. It is important that you let your wife know that you are unhappy with the current state of affairs and you want to head off any problems due to it.


----------



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

As soon as your wife moves to another level that you want, you will move the goal posts to another level. You are chasing an impossible target. 

Better to just slowly grow together into sustainable sexual enjoyment. 

It is always wrong to seek to change another person just because you married them.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> As soon as your wife moves to another level that you want, you will move the goal posts to another level. You are chasing an impossible target.
> 
> Better to just slowly grow together into sustainable sexual enjoyment.
> 
> It is always wrong to seek to change another person just because you married them.


Respectfully, you have no idea what the OP even means. None of us do really. For all you know, this is one of those "drive by" cuckold fantasy threads. It's too vague without any further feedback from the OP.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Are you able to talk to her about it. Does she think its fine, or does she want more excitement, but maybe different things than you want.

Do you think she would enjoy the things you want to spice things up? Do they involve other people?


----------

