# feely feely touchy touchy........



## michellin (Apr 4, 2010)

hi this is my first post ever and i need some help.....

i have been married for 3 months to the most amazing girl, i love her to death and we decided to get married a little early (we're 18). 

our life overall is good, not perfect, i mean all couples argue sometimes. The major problem in our relationship has been sexual. We haven't had vaginal intercourse, but before getting married (as we dated for a year prior to getting married) we tried other things (oral etc) at first it was because she was a little nervous about penetration. She even went on birth control for that reason but nothing. I guess i understand her fear i would be a little scared if i was a girl. Lately we have been arguing a lot over this, because i constantly want to get her to do stuff with me but she never wants to, and she tells me that she never has the urge to or that she feels like the birth control too away her libido. I sometimes get unpatient and she always tells me that im always begging for sex. I just feel like i want to do it, and it is a little upsetting that she never wants to do anything or that she always tells me "tonight" which are just empty promises. It also upsets me that i have to recur to masturbation because my wife is not at all interested. I dont wanna pressure her, but i also dont wanna feel like it's my fault or that something is wrong with me... I also have a problem, i always touch my wife's breast or her butt constantly. Sometimes not in the bedroom but in other places or when people are around, and she hates this. I know it is a bad habit that i have stop, but sometimes i do it without even thinking and it just kills me. I say to her that ill stop but then i do it again. And I don't know what to do please somebody please help with some advise.


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## Dr.K (Apr 4, 2010)

I just got married 9 months ago, and I can somewhat relate.
First of all stop touching her inappropriately.
Second of all, if you are married, you should be having sex. 
My wife and I had a great sex life for about 1 month, then she got depressed and overweight and lost her job, and now it happens maybe once every other week. I am trying to fix this problem myself.
Since you have never had sex with her, you are going to have to seduce her, make her want it. Unfortunely women think differently about sex then men, so do some research, find out what gets her wheels spinning, and maybe you'll get lucky. If you do, she will most likely enjoy it so much she won't be able to get enough of you (for a month).
Best of wishes.


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## michellin (Apr 4, 2010)

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## michellin (Apr 4, 2010)

I have just tried everything. She thinks it has to be on her time, we can never do anything spontaneous, she always has to say "later I promise", she blames everything on me like she never wants to becaus I'm constantly begging and stuff like that... She says sex is not important. It is important! She's my wife, is not like I can go o any random
girl and have sex with her. I love her, and she's the only woman I wanna be with for the rest of my life. And I don't feel like I pressure her, i mean I got my needs and I'm sure that if I didn't feel the need to do stuff with my wife I wouldn't ask for it. This just bugs me so much! Because I feel like is my fault, and I feel like I am patient but I also feel like it is a big joke to her and I just wish she would put her self in my shoes. She says that the only thing I want out of her is sex. How could that be? Is it wrong for a husband to ask his wife to be intimate?.. At least it feels good letting all of this out.......
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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

ok so my first though was did something happen to her at some point in her life that would make her not want to have sex...if so this explains so much as to why she wont, and thats soethimng that only she can decide when she is ready..

Married couples have sex its just natural and a way of showing affection but there is something clearly holding her back which is hard for you i get that you need to find out why...open communication is a great start.


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

I hear you man, it sucks...while my wife never rejects me I'm always the one initiating...and she'll hardly ever will want to do anything out of the ordinary...I've been hoping for 3 years that this would change but it hasn't...often what I find works a little but is very frustrating is to just "back off" make her want you...the dating game doesn't stop once your married, cuz once your married you become roommates and you dont respect each other as much as you did before(ex.grabbing her ass all the time) while some woman may like their ass grabbed constantly..if you do it all the time it gets old and will lead to nothing...I've got the same problem, I always wanna grab my wife's ass, and boobs...I've stopped grabbing her boobs all together, unless it's foreplay or during sex..that way when I do give them attention she'll get turned on by it..same thing with the Ass grabbing thing..but I still cannot keep myself a 100 percent away from her ass...

Reason why I say it might be frustrating is because sometimes if you try to distance yourself a bit..she may do the same..and eventually out of frustration you might just give in...that's my problem...but overall I would say with enough time she'll notice that your not paying as much attention to her...and with even more time she might start "wanting it" a little more.

The pills could also have something to do with her libido..I dont think they affected my wife at all..never noticed a difference with or without, but it's common for it to have some serious lack of libido effects...I know the condom sucks...pulling out sucks...honestly I think the best birth control is Anal sex(good luck getting her to agree with this one), maybe just go with the condom..while it sucks compared to the real thing, just be careful that it doesn't slip off...especially just after you've blown your load....

Good luck.


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## michellin (Apr 4, 2010)

I don't know what to do, try or think anymore.... I'm just confused.. I mean sex is not the only thing I want out of our relationship otherwise I'd be single still... It is also frustrating that she thinks that by just giving me a hand job then I'll be ok..She's been off th pill for like 6 months now... I'm starting to believe it's something else. She tells me it's her, or that shes tired, or that she never feels like she wants to do anything, or that she never wants to do anything cuz I'm constantly asking for sex.....
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## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

marriedguy said:


> the dating game doesn't stop once your married, cuz once your married you become roommates and you dont respect each other as much as you did before(ex.grabbing her ass all the time) while some woman may like their ass grabbed constantly..if you do it all the time it gets old and will lead to nothing...I've got the same problem, I always wanna grab my wife's ass, and boobs...I've stopped grabbing her boobs all together,


This post reminded me so much of my husband, it souds like him so much i freaked out a liitle and thought it was untill i relised that i do do different thins to make our sex life better...

Ok so i agree that after the wedding day you still need to make a huge effort to keep the romance and love alive so that you are more than people who live together..

Here's the part that i laughed at.... "grabbing of arse and boobs"ok so how is this going to scream "oh yes you just grabbed me now lets go to bed right now!!!!!!" maybe if you were a little more tacktful this might work... ie go up gently behinh her or while having a cuddle and touch her butt while whispering in her ear how sexy it is.... this would be so much more of a turn on than just having a good old grab, she is not out in the club now if you know what i mean....

Backing off, personally i dont see how this works from a womans point of view, some woman can go weeks with out sex can you? then you face the problem that she feels you may not be as attracted to her and thats not good...its a hard one isnt it guys...:scratchhead:

Maybe you do need to initiate it a little more, set the mood, cook her dinner run her a bath, give her a massage this ususual works,
At the same time she needs to see for herself that by her not being forthcoming with you in the bedroom is not helping your marriage..talking and explaining calmly is the best way to ove come this, what ever you do you do not want to make her feel like she is being "pushed"into it...

Have you ever wanted a porno together? or do you have toys??

Has she ever had sex before you ?


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## michellin (Apr 4, 2010)

No she's a virgin.... And no we don't have toys.... She doesn't like to try anything new.. She won't let me do anything to her unless is just rubbing her or using my tongue.. But she's never in the mood or tries to start anything.
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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

Your relationship is in serious trouble and you are in for a very very hard life ahead if you choose to stay. First of all, I've never heard of a married couple never having intercourse after they were married. I mean this is strange and I can't believe she has so much disrespect for you. It's hard enough to understand how sexless marriages happen after years or decades of being together but this really throws me for a loop. This should literally be the honeymoon stage of your relationship. She shouldn't be able to keep her hands off of you. 

Maybe you just got married too young but she really needs some therapy and I'm being completely serious. If she isn't ready for sex then she's definitely not ready to be married - that is a BIG part of the package. And if there are other issues she has then she needs to talk to someone about them. 

Looking at your situation I don't know if you have many options. Be prepared for a very difficult relationship, marriage and life if this is how your wife is going to be. You may want to consider taking a step back and getting an annulment if things don't change. Refusal of intercourse is grounds for an annulment and it's better to do that then divorce. I'm sorry but if she's refused sex for this long then there are some serious issues and it's hard to believe that she is really ready (or even wanting) to be married.


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

the longer you go without the more risk you take it will not happen at all. she may of heard bad stories about pain or something.

get on line do a little research and work it out sooner before later.

they have lotions that num some they will help but in the end she has a choice weather she wants to or not.


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## michellin (Apr 4, 2010)

I think were just getting sick of each other... Ever since she moved in with me (10 months ago) we have been together 24/7 and there hasn't been a day that I haven't seen her since.. Maybe were just spending too much tine together. We seem to argue way more she always thinks she's right and I always think I am... I am just confused, I had a way different picture of marriage. But I need to work this out. But I don't think that not seeing each other for a week would help. Idk
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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Not healthy. Not normal. Not ok.

You will fail. Sooner rather than later.

I'm not trying to be insensitive or cruel, but age 18, married, and _not_ having sex happily and frequently, means that within two years, you will likely despise one another, and it will not be a pleasant journey. Do you really want to surrender having a positive, healthy sex life at age 18?

This only gets worse with time michellin, not better. If she was traumatized, that is tragic - but it won't change your feelings of resentment.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

You should really repost this with a header line of "married for 3 months with no sex-what should i do" more concerned people may respond. then the way you have it currently written. 

As others have mentioned set a mood...candles...etc. try your best to get her stimulated. Try genly touching her...do your research on the web regardin how to seduce....See if this works! Ask her why she is scared, reluctant, etc. When you say you have done oral, is that on her, has she liked it? If you get her juices flowing that would be the time to try. Could it be physical? Are you really big? Perhaps she may have reason to be scared but, sounds like you haven't gotten to that point. Regardless, from what you have said she is unwilling to try. 

I would agree with others she may have had some abuse in the past as it is hard to comprehend how this could happen. 

She has no right to make YOU feel bad. Getting married and not engaging in intercourse means your marriage is not normal!!!! In fact, to "consumate" a marriage you have to have sex. Essentially to make is "official" by the church or the law or both (I am niether a theologian nor a lawyer) regardless it is implied that married people have intercours. This is such a serious issue that the law and the churge treat it as such. The THE FACT THAT SHE IS BLAMING YOU AND TELLING YOU NOT TO PUSH IS REDICULOUS. 

I agree with others that predict this to be a long term problem. You should seek counseling from professional or priest or something. Regardless if you love this girl or not, you NEED to think of yourself. You seem like a nice guy and deserve a happy life. 

Believe what your friends and others tell you. Seek professional help by yourself (and possibly with her). I don't know you or your wife but, from what I am hearing you should try your best to resolve but, should strongly consider what your future will look like. You have known her for what 15 months. That may seem like a long time but if you live till 80, 15 months is 1/64th of your life with her. Unless you have not told the whole story or I am missing something...There is a chance this can work but, as a friend who has not met you, this has a life full of misery written all over it.


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## michellin (Apr 4, 2010)

I mean I have tried every single thing I kno so now I just have to recur to asking and sometimes naging her cuz otherwise not a chance... I know her pretty well and she has never been abused or anything. We've dine oral sex before both of us, but after a while it became like a chore to her ad she just wanted me to shut up and stop nagging her. 
She just doesn't get that she needs to make an effort and myself included.. I joined this forum because I feel like I lack experience..and I wanna work thing out I now we can overpme this she means a lot to me and I would domaine sacrifices but there is a limit.... I wonde what shed say if she found out about this lol.

Thank you for all of you people that are helping me I really apreciate it.
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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

you guys are young! you should be having sex all the time! Especially if you waited until after getting married.


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## MMA_FIGHTER (Feb 2, 2009)

michellin said:


> I have just tried everything. She thinks it has to be on her time, we can never do anything spontaneous, she always has to say "later I promise", she blames everything on me like she never wants to becaus I'm constantly begging and stuff like that... She says sex is not important. It is important! She's my wife, is not like I can go o any random
> girl and have sex with her. I love her, and she's the only woman I wanna be with for the rest of my life. And I don't feel like I pressure her, i mean I got my needs and I'm sure that if I didn't feel the need to do stuff with my wife I wouldn't ask for it. This just bugs me so much! Because I feel like is my fault, and I feel like I am patient but I also feel like it is a big joke to her and I just wish she would put her self in my shoes. She says that the only thing I want out of her is sex. How could that be? Is it wrong for a husband to ask his wife to be intimate?.. At least it feels good letting all of this out.......
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


before i got married one thing i told my wife is that ill be damned if i marry into a sexless relationship. 10 years later we are still having great sex:smthumbup...sometimes i feel i have to beg, but she says she hates telling me that she is not in the mood, so i just say ok...and pull out my stuff and go to town, by the time im done then she wants me......works everytime.:smthumbup:


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## bumpgrind1 (Mar 29, 2010)

Anulment...then wait at least 5 years before you get married again. And for Gods sake kid, go get laid somewhere.


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