# 2 yrs after divorce



## mike82

Hello all. Its been two years since my divorce. I havent been on here in a very long time. I was a regular poster back in the fall of 2011. This site really helped me alot. So many kind words from strangers. It really helped. My exwife walked away from our 7 yr marriage. We have three kids together. At the time of seperation they were 7,5,3. My ex wife fell in love with another man and threw our marriage and family to the curb. She was so infatuated with this man. It was almost like she was possessed. So much deciet. We had a good marriage. Married young and had ups and downs like anyone, but once this guy came along she turned into a cold stranger. He has no kids. She had 3. I recently heard from a third party that she waited a year and a half for him to start a relationship with her but he never did.He gave her the run around. Aparently she was infuriated.(karma maybe lol)she threw our marriage away for a man that never wanted to be with her. So two years have passed since divorce, me and my ex wife get along great and are actually quite friendly. Joint birthday parties and all.I met another woman over a year ago and have been with her ever since. Life does get better for all of those out there going thru hell. Its still tough on me. I think about it everyday. I dont think a day has passed in two years that i havent thought about it. It will hurt me till the day i die that this happened and the nature in which it happened. Me and my exwife were best friends, or so i thought. The woman i am with is wonderful, but i am forever changed by what happened in my marriage. Its almost like having one foot in the pool. The woman i am with now loves me more than my exwife ever did, she breathed new life into me and in a way saved me. She loves my kids like her own and they love her as well.My girlfriend, although i love her, could be gone tommarow and i would be fine. I am so galvanized thru this expirence that i will never ever put my all in which is sad. I saw first hand how someone can change. My family being broken up was an atomic bomb. Nothing will ever hurt me that bad again. Anything else is a flesh wound compared to that. My exwife, shes not happy. I can tell, i know her very well. It makes me sad. My kids hate the constant shuffle. At the end of the day its like "why did all of this have to happen". I cant believe its been two years, i truely cant. The pain that i felt two years ago was the most unbearable that i have ever felt. Someone that hasnt gone thru it could never relate to us TAMers. Heart in chest,no sleep, cant eat. On deaths door almost. I thought it would never end. And to some extent it hasnt, there is a dull ache where a monsterous agony once resided. Better yes. Wonderful no. One thing i have realized is that this is a scar that i will always have. It will always hurt and be with me forever. I wont let it control my life but at the same time its always there. Even two years later
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mike82

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GettingBetter

The scar will always be there and I believe you are a better man, father and friend for it. 
Good luck to you sir. 
I am only little over a year from divorce and every day it gets better. There are still some bad days but I deal with them as they come. I have more respect for myself and am looking forward to a bright future.
I dont feel sorry for your ex, she made her bed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mike82

Nope, i dont feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for my kids. They have to live with her actions. Sad part is, my 5 yr old doesnt, and never will remember what being a family was like. He was so young at the time, its just a vauge dream to him now. Best of luck to you. Im sure that you are a stronger and better person for what u have been thru as well
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Paradise

I am 2.5 yrs out and almost three years since the bombshell. Yes, the scar remains and always will. But....I'm not sure where I heard this quote but it goes something like "a scar is there to remind you of where you've been. It doesn't have to dictate where you are going." Even though times are hard I do try to look into the future a bit and try to envision what my life will look like. Two years ago I was just trying to survive one day at a time. 

Mike....what you said is why I fear getting attached to anyone. I have gotten into 4 relationships since my divorce only to withdraw 3 to 6 months later. I just cannot make myself do it. Once I feel like it is heading towards an actual relationship I panic and run. It is not fair to those ladies so I've kind of given up on looking for a relationship right now. 

Sounds like you are doing great! I just wanted to say that I can relate to everything you said!!!


----------



## mike82

I totally feel you man. I guess its something we have to give in ourself. A leap of faith you can call it i guess. Maybe it will come for me. But the way things played out for me " i learned that things can change overnight, and anyone is capable of anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

:iagree:

Not only that but I hope you can give your kids the family they deserve.

Just with a newer, better mommy.

Your Ex is defective. Not your fault.

But like any bad part you get rid of it, replace it and go from there.

I know you hurt. But you owe it to yourself to try again.

Glad you got a great girl.

Now go live again. With your new family.

HM


----------



## LongWalk

Nice post


----------



## mike82

Thanks everyone. I am much better then the dark days of the past. It was an unreal feeling. Wouldnt wish it on anyone. Although at one point 2 days removed from our seperation, after EVERY picture of me and my kids and family was took down and put in garbage bags, along with all my belongings, i was so sad, my exwife said to me in such a coldness in which i will never forget " dust yourself off its not the end of the world. ****, sure felt like it. I hope and this maybe wrong of me, but i hope that she feels the same for someone else that i did for her and they tell her that. But it would never be equivically as significant because her family wouldnt be ripped apart with three small kids invoved. She will never expirence the hell that she put me thru. I wish she could carry my pain for one single day. But at the end of the day no one will ever break me. Every rock they throw i use as a stepping stone. Get on my knees and have a convo with the lord above me, sometimes i think i hear him wrong and think hes sayin [email protected] me, only he can judge me, care less what they thinkin of me,cause honestly ill be alright ive no one ever loved me(excluding my kids, n i got that)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

I'm not sure that the scar will always be there. I divorced my son's father in 1996 for infidelity and abuse. This is after 5 years of dating and 14 years of marriage.

There has not been a cared a hoot about him for so long that I cannot even remember caring. There has not been any hurt for a long time either. The only thing I ever get is that once in a while when posting on TAM and mention it I get a pit upset at myself for being so stupid and staying so long.


----------



## Regretf

I was looking for threads on situations similar to mine, yours inspired me. Every day is a constant struggle for me. The pain of wtching my family break is unbearable, i have to pull through for my son, eh's my motor and engine. Your part about your ex putting your belongings into garbage bags also reminded me of my situation.

My ex also had an EA (pretty positive of this) and ended the marriage because of "issues" i had or we had, but at the time she was constalty talking to this male "friend" of hers that was divorced or going tthru a divorce. After i left the house 8stupidiest mistake i ever made) she was calling him almost everyday, just about a week or 10 days after that the calls ended. What happend? i ll never know. But i believe was what happend to your ex, her "friend" wasn't interested or it was too hot for "them" bacause she was till married.

Anyway, the pain of having your special one, your friend, your confident thrwo away a fixable marriage still hurts me, and it hurts me more fore my three year old son who will never have memories of his mom and dad together. That pain will always be there, we failed as a couple and my son has to pay the consequences.


----------



## Jellybeans

mike82 said:


> The woman i am with is wonderful, but i am forever changed by what happened in my marriage. Its almost like having one foot in the pool.
> 
> My girlfriend, although i love her, could be gone tommarow and i would be fine. I am so galvanized thru this expirence that i will never ever put my all in which is sad.
> 
> was an atomic bomb. Nothing will ever hurt me that bad again. Anything else is a flesh wound compared to that. The pain that i felt two years ago was the most unbearable that i have ever felt. Someone that hasnt gone thru it could never relate to us TAMers. Heart in chest,no sleep, cant eat. On deaths door almost. I thought it would never end. And to some extent it hasnt, there is a dull ache where a monsterous agony once resided. Better yes. Wonderful no. One thing i have realized is that this is a scar that i will always have. It will always hurt and be with me forever. I wont let it control my life but at the same time its always there. Even two years later


Can so relate to this post.

Hugs. Glad to hear you are doing better. You are right - it is like a scar. And there is a huge chunk of naiveté that is lost forever when you divorce. You aren't quite ever the same again.

_"Divorce is like an amputation. You survive it, but there's less of you."_ - Margaret Atwood


----------



## Ynot

As I move forward with my life I have to wonder if it really is a scar or a necessary removal of a useless defective vestigial appendage. We all came out of our divorces changed. While innocence was lost by the process, most of us have learned from it. We become better because we don't have that blind trust that lead us to divorce in the first place. Someone told me to ask myself "what if it was a gift?" Consider it a gift and stop looking at it like an injury.


----------



## Jellybeans

I don't look at is as an injury. I see it as a scar, a part of my past that will always be with me. It's kind of a good thing to lose that blind trust. Because blind trust is stupid anyway.


----------



## LongWalk

Is your ex in a relationship now?

Did she become jealous when you found a girlfriend?


----------



## shattered man

funny thing about your story its eerily close to mine.....I too am in a relationship post bombshell....she loves me and my kids.....however i cant allow myself to give my entire heart to her....what if.....it happens again....its a long distance relationship in the first place...so its destined for issues....i find myself so guarded....now.....almost 2 years into it shes pulling away...little by little....realizing i am forever damaged.....the thinks i still love my ex.....nothing could be further.....its the trama and shame of a failed marriage in this way.....the OM relishes in my pain as well....hes a stand up guy to begin with...NOT....every day is a new challenge and frankly im out of fighting spirit....depression has wrecked whats left of me.....even my kids now see this version of their dad is not what they have ever seen before.....


----------



## Coffee Amore

Zombie thread...time to put it to rest ..again.


----------

