# One positive section on TAM



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

We all find ourselves here from troubled marriages and sometimes other relationships, but there should be one section where positive stories can be shared.

This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

Looking at the current top stories, you would think this is the one of the other forums related to separation, divorce or infidelities, with no interest in reconciliation.

Is there a monitor that can relocate these stories that are unrelated to successful or even hopeful reconciliations?

There should be a place people can go for hope and seek advice from those who weathered the storm.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Reconciliation This forum is for those focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

"For those focused on reconciliation" is the key phrase here. We created this section to also give people who are focused on reconciling a place to post where they should be free from the divorce hounds who yell "dump her" as soon trouble rears its head.

The idea is if people are starting a thread here, hopefully they will get less "leave him / her" responses.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I thought the key phrase was the whole phrase including... focused on reconciliation and success stories from people who have been through separation and reconciled successfully.

Might as well remove the rest of the phrase then.

Let me guess...I will be banned again for pointing out the fact this section should be free of the stories of those who have no intention on reconciling.

I lost a little respect there. Sad.


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## lostwithouthim (Apr 15, 2013)

I agree with you this is me. I would much rather go to a positive section on this forum, than get negative responses from all the people who say there's no chance of recon, divorce him, legal separate from him, why do you want him back anyway?, etc. What Chris H said is exactly what I am thinking. I posted something about R in another part of the forum, was really positive at the time but now I feel depressed again from the negative responses. It's early days for me, my husband only left me about 2 weeks ago but I hope and pray that one day he'll come back and be his old self again.


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## InOverMyHeart (Apr 1, 2013)

Hey all. I am a newbie to this site and discovered when I needed to talk about what was happening in my marriage. I had already resolved in my mind and heart what I wanted so I just needed the reinforcement if that makes any sense. 

None of us here are perfect in thought or action or we would not be typing our hearts out. Most of us just want a little push or gentle guidance or encouraging words to get us thru the day. Some of us know how to do that with a little empathy. There are those that like to bash right away and it seems that if you don't have a strong idea about what you want to occur in your marriage then you can be tossed about with negative advice. 

What helped me was listening, trusting and believing what my H told me even when it made no sense. I had to. It was where I failed in our marriage and it was what I needed to prove. He pulled the NC on me, and probably didn't even know he was doing it. So to get certain advice about what to do kinda defeated the purpose. An example: he shipped the OW out of his home within 3 weeks. He could not take hurting me. If I had listened here and been cold and callous toward him with complete NC, who knows when it would have ended. And to be honest, I needed to believe in him, in us, in our marriage more than I believed in what was happening all around us.

We have not moved back under the same roof. We are working in that direction though. We are taking our time with our children and family. He calls it baby steps. I call it following his lead. And I am ok for the first time in years. 

I got off track... I say all that to say this. Sometimes posting here, we just need a virtual hug. Sometimes we need a smack in the head. Sometimes we just need to vent. It's all a part of what the forum is about. Discover what you need and don't worry about the rest. Find your conviction and stand. It could all be a test of your resolve anyway.... How badly do you want it?

Lost, I'm sorry you are going thru this... Ask yourself those hard questions and be completely honest with yourself. It will be the beginning of your journey.

G'Nite all~


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## lostwithouthim (Apr 15, 2013)

Thanks for your reply inoveryourheart. I believe marriage is sacred and should be preserved. I get enough negative comments in my life during the day and when I come on here I don't need to get down or depressed about stuff, I just like the company especially late at night when I can't sleep. It is still early days and I think that we can work things out eventually. He still calls my house home and still refers to things in the house as ours and not mine. This may be out of habit, who knows! Today he came round to get his bike, he could've called when my son was here but he chose to come round when I was at home and my son was still at college. When people post empathetically on this forum, I get more out of those replies than when people just have a go. I am trying to not let my heart rule my head at the moment and keep on going for the sake of my son and me. When I get depressed I take it out on everyone around me and I don't like being in that place!


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Well I can honestly say as troubled as my marriage has been so far, and even though I left my H last year due to infidelity issues, me and my H are still together, trying to work it out. Recently H started back at it again, and stopped short quickly. So now we are having issues, but we are working on it. 

I've been very angry and frustrated with my H these past two weeks. And I've been reconsidering everything...even thinking about leaving. I sometimes wonder why I even married him. But at the end of the day, I know why I married him. Because we have the same dreams, the same goals, a lot of things in common, and we still love each other. We have beautiful, smart children. And we know each other very well. 

Marriage is not easy, and cannot be defined. It's so dynamic and different with each couple. I say if two people can make it through the struggle, how much stronger will the marriage be in the end? I hope me and my H can make it through the struggles and come out together in the end.


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## lostwithouthim (Apr 15, 2013)

I believe that as well somethingelse, that if you can put up with the struggles then the marriage will be much stronger in the end. My husband had an affair about 10 years ago and I feel that it hasn't been the same since. I think he rushed me too much to get back together again, but if he wants to get back with me this time he will have to take things more slowly with me, go to marriage counselling with me and basically start over again by dating, etc. That way I won't feel unsettled and neither will my son because it's unfair on him to have his life disrupted yet again!


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

lostwithouthim said:


> I believe that as well somethingelse, that if you can put up with the struggles then the marriage will be much stronger in the end. My husband had an affair about 10 years ago and I feel that it hasn't been the same since. I think he rushed me too much to get back together again, but if he wants to get back with me this time he will have to take things more slowly with me, go to marriage counselling with me and basically start over again by dating, etc. That way I won't feel unsettled and neither will my son because it's unfair on him to have his life disrupted yet again!



Time is the healer. And it's always harder especially when there are children involved. I hope for yours and your son's sake that your H will come to his senses.


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## lostwithouthim (Apr 15, 2013)

Thanks somethingelse, I really appreciate the kind words at this time  My son is 19, but he's got high functioning autism which makes any change difficult for him.


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