# My wife has a persistant guy friend



## DANSCHMIDT (Mar 9, 2010)

We have been married 1 year. My wife has a male friend whom we have since named, phone a friend. He is a married man.

I have never done anything like this before but I'm at my witts end. I need to know if I'm just being jealous or are my jealousy feelings legitimate.

My wife and I met two years ago. I instantly fell in love with her. She is very outgoing, exciting, and fun. She was 41 and had never been married. She had a lot of guy friends. 

I have learned to accept her relationships with all but one. This guy has been a problem with us since the beginning. The first time my wife met my family was at a summer festival. Her friend of course had to tag along with us. My family is not very fast so we had to walk slowly to be with them. My wife and her guy friend got frustrated so they walked ahead of us together. It was so odd, my sister had to ask me who he was.

Soon after we were Engaged I found texts from him discussing his bad sex life with his wife. I was obviously not very happy. She has since gauranteed me that she does not partake in those discussions with him anymore. In another instance I had previously invited my then fiance to go on a business dinner with me. She accepted the invitation. She did not realize that her guy friends birthday outing was that same night. She cancelled on me that day. He once called at 1am, he was in a different country with his wife at the time. My wife lied to me and said it was someone else. I checked the phone records and found out that she lied to me. 

They call, text and email eachother almost every day. numerous times a day. He invites her to coffee or lunch probably three to four days a week.

This guy also has another girl that is my wife's friend that he pursues. She is engaged and her fiance has no clue some of the details that I know.

When they are together they gossip about other people in the community and can talk for hours if they were left to. I feel like the third wheel when we are together.

Oh yes one minor detail. He is a multi millionaire. He has no job. 

My wife says she is not attracted to him and that I'm just being jealous. 

Please help......


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## maemayon (Mar 10, 2010)

Take it from me...if you are suspecting that at least your wife is having an emotional affair, you are right. 

I don't know about men but most women I know have a hard time hiding their feelings for another man. Even if you didn't know who he was, what his name is, etc, the elephant would be in the room.

You need to have a LONG hard talk with your wife about her relationship with this man and find out exactly what kind of history she has had with this man.

In some cases you may need to read between the lines if she refuses to be blunt.


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## skitown (Feb 9, 2010)

I find it very odd that your wife and her male friend call, text each other every day - numerous times and have lunch/coffee together 3 to 4 times a week. Does your wife give you the same amount of time/attention? You have a right to be concerned. While it appears that your wife has not acted inappropriately with him - she needs to understand how her actions affect you. She also needs to be aware of how her actions may be interpreted by him. Based on your description - it sounds to me like he has tried to establish some sort of emotional connection with her. This is a dangerous thing. If the tables were turned - how would she react. 

He needs to find some guy friends - and something to do besides hang around with women who are spoken for. He needs to respect her marriage.


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## Lyn (Mar 10, 2010)

The dependency they indulge in is inappropriate and the lack of honesty is a huge problem. If it were me (and it has been, on both ends) I would tell my spouse that we have a problem. That problem is being honest with one another. Hopefully a calm conversation can ensue and you can sort this thing out. If not, and she persists with this "one-sided open marriage," you may want to consider not tolerating it indefinitely or at least telling her you will not be tolerating it indefinitely to give her a chance to let it sink in and be confronted with the reality she's been denying.

Lyn


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