# it only happened once...



## PlainJoe (Jan 11, 2010)

My wife had an affair twice in our 17 year marriage. She confessed to me and claimed that sexual encounter only happened once. 

When I read all the other threads here, all cheaters will only claim they did it once. I don't believe it. Witholding the truth is just making it hurtful. 

This feeling sucks. I know its a roller coaster ride... I'm just on the down side right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

I'm not sure what hurts more, the truth or the cheater withholding the truth...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You can keep working on it. Tell her things like you won't hold it against her, and promise her not to leave (only if the both of you still want to work it out).

I got my WS to tell alot by letting her know that if she was holding back that it was not going to work for us.

I'm the kind of guy who wanted the details, I assuered her that it was all matter of fact and that I promise not to leave and I wouldnt hold it against her. I told her I wanted to learn from them in what made her feel good.

She would tell me a little then I'd pretend to laugh...I just acted curious and like "how interesting" Then a few days later again with another question....same response,no anger, no additional question, and no judgement...just "hey that interesting thanks for sharing" I kept it quick.

So the hard part is keeping your mouth shout in what you really want to tell her, but get her comfortable in talking about it.

Be warned, once that happens alot of ugly will come out so be prepared. You will need to hold it in for a while until it all come out.

For me it got to a point were I didn't need to know any more. There was the sex clubs and alot of ONS, but when my good friend came into it I had to stop knowing. I had a clear picture of it all.

So stay cool, thank her for sharing that little bit and wait for another day for some more info. It hard for them to spill it all at once.

I would ask a question in the AM, told her I needed an answer in the PM, if I didn't get it, I would have moved on and she knew it so I got my answer. Then again another question the following AM.

This gave her time to sole search and find the best way to tell me, see she knew she had to and she had been caught in so many lies in the past It wasn't worth the speration or divorce. See, I made the promise.

I believe she was remorseful and knew it was the only way to stay around. So it took time and alot of tonge bitting ,but I got alot of painful info that I now know what was really going on and my imagination has left with regards to circus clowns, miggets and gangbangs. Basicly random guys with no emotional connect that paid her attention, when they got to close she moved on to the next one.

Would I want to know all the details if I had to do it all over again? YES, I learned from her behavior and what she is capable of. It gave me the understanding that it is all out (as much as I want to know about anyway) I know we can move from that and towards some healthier behaviors. Its over with no more questions, no more imagination running wild...so she help me heal by being so opened.

I hope this helps and makes sense in getting more details from your wife
Good luck its tough on you and her so keep that in mind.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

The 13th_Floor said:


> I'm not sure what hurts more, the truth or the cheater withholding the truth...


im gonna go with the truth on this one. When i decided to work on mine, i just said " Ok, it has got to be 10 times worse than what you know... can you still handle it?"

Wife#1 - no
Wife #2 - so far so good.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

No I would not want to know. First off she's already a lying beotch hoe bag so what's her 'truth' worth now? If she told me it was raining outside I'd check with the weather channel.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

the guy said:


> You can keep working on it. Tell her things like you won't hold it against her, and promise her not to leave (only if the both of you still want to work it out).
> 
> I got my WS to tell alot by letting her know that if she was holding back that it was not going to work for us.
> 
> ...


Midgets? Really?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

We don't call them midgets. They're little people. Or in your case micro *****s.


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## The 13th_Floor (Mar 7, 2011)

If my wife confesses to having a PA with a dwarf, I probably wouldn't be mad for some reason. Just saying...


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You would have to assume that it happened only once, twice. Right? that's a stretch for me. I think you can assume what the truth is.


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## Corkey88 (Sep 16, 2010)

I would be more apt to believe her if the affair only happened once but you say she cheated twice during your marriage. I tend to believe that she has had far more encounters than she is saying. Regaining trust is a real *****. You can never trust her 100% ever again. You have to ask yourself if you are prepared for that.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

The 13th_Floor said:


> If my wife confesses to having a PA with a dwarf, I probably wouldn't be mad for some reason. Just saying...


I just spit out my drink... thanks bud.

:lol:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

lol come on guys, 13 your killing me,the point is all the assumtions and imagination was wripping me up.

2x,
Youve been there done that, this sh*t makes your imagination go wild.

PlainJoe,
I'm just giving my perspective in what helped me. The analogy was ment to discript all the things that went though my head.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It would shock me more if my wife left me for another man versus another woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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