# The "weight" thread



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

So after reading countless threads on TAM and as many books on the subject it is pretty much a taken that men are visual and how you look does count in the eyes of your male SO.

So.... 90% and I really mean 90% of all the long-term, seemingly happy couples I know - the women are extremely overweight. Some morbidly obese.

So why are their marriages intact? And they seem extremely confident their man is not going elsewhere. The husbands seems happy too. Any input?


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

brokenbythis said:


> So.... 90% and I really mean 90% of all the long-term, seemingly happy couples I know - the women are extremely overweight. Some morbidly obese.
> 
> So why are their marriages intact? And they seem extremely confident their man is not going elsewhere. The husbands seems happy too. Any input?



You sure know a lot of heavy people, lol.... but my guess is that in most cases they are happy because the husband either prefers heavy women, or they've gotten used to it.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Yeah all the slim women are single and lonely!! There's one woman I work with, she must weigh 280 lbs, her husband of 20 years is a great guy, quite handsome, and she goes on about how much he adores her and how hot the sex is. And she is just one example.

I only bring this topic up since there is so much out there on how important looks are to men.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

No idea where you are going with this.

Are there plenty of happily married men partnered with overweight women? Of course there are.

Are there plenty of men attracted to thin, or athletic women? Of course there are.

I don't see one as better or more likely to succeed in a relationship than the other.


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## Hortensia (Feb 1, 2013)

Not in my reality. I know overweight long term couples that get along great and seem to be going strong. But the men do look after slim, sexy women with desire. They do flirt and you can see in their eyes " I wish I had a woman like that!" They just don't give voice to their feelings.
So my advice to ladies: don't let yourselves go, thinking your husbands honestly won't mind. They do. They just have the delicacy not to hurt your feelings.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

brokenbythis said:


> So after reading countless threads on TAM and as many books on the subject it is pretty much a taken that men are visual and how you look does count in the eyes of your male SO.
> 
> So.... 90% and I really mean 90% of all the long-term, seemingly happy couples I know - the women are extremely overweight. Some morbidly obese.
> 
> So why are their marriages intact? And they seem extremely confident their man is not going elsewhere. The husbands seems happy too. Any input?


If you don't mind me asking, where do you live?


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## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

If a man married a woman when she was heavy, then he probably just really prefers women that way. I'm a little overweight and my husband LOVES my body. That doesn't mean I don't color my hair, keep up with personal grooming, etc. I will say though that my husband says I am the most beautiful when I wake up in the morning. I think happy married couples have just found a way to be happy together and that fuels the sex. It doesn't matter how much you weigh, but that your partner is accepting of it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some men like overweight women and some don't. Men are visual, yes. So the happy marriages you know are because the men happen to be attracted to their overweight wives. That does happen but it equally happens that a husband can be turned off by weight.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I suspect their are more men that like a heavier woman then a lot of people think, it's just that society and mass media preaches that all woman should be a coat hanger with huge boobs so they don't admit it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Where do I live? LOL - California!

All of the women I mention, were not overweight when they got married. 

I'm not really going anywhere with this discussion. My point was - there are a lot of posts from men on this forum sharing that they are disappointed or turned off because their wife has put on so much weight. A ton of books I've read say the same thing. Men are visual and are attracted to women who are in good shape. My own exH was horrified when I put on weight when I had a baby. 

And yet all these happily married women I know and work with, are all extremely overweight. So do their husbands cheat? Do their husband just close their eyes when they have sex? Do their husbands just put up with it or fake attraction?

Then you have all the female empowerment books telling you no matter what to "love your body" etc. They send out such a strong message to women that you can let yourself go - it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you don't care and accept yourself the way you are.

A world of conflicting messages.

I'm not advocating any male or female views. Nor am I condemning skinny or overweight people. Just discussing.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I think physical beauty is one of many wants/needs that men have of their partner. 

I think happily married couples have both spouses meeting the majority of each others needs and appearing attractive to each other. Some guys won't mind (and even enjoy) their spouse being overweight, and some others are getting their needs in other areas met so well that the physical attraction need becomes less important.

Personally, I think when a man's needs are not being met, the first target is complaining about extra weight because men are more visual and it is an obvious target. 

Similarly, when a man checks out of the marriage, I also think pointing out extra weight is the easiest excuse to make to justify the decision to leave.

This is just my opinion, I have nothing to back this up.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

My experience is that most men don't like overweight woman. I've seen plenty of examples of couples where the woman has gained a ton of weight, yet is convinced that her husband loves her body...while the guy is actually very disappointed in the weight gain.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Fundamentally, I believe people thrive on success, reward, or positive feedback.

If you are overweight, odds are people love, appreciate and accept you as you are. Were you to lose a bunch of weight and start running 5 or 10 K's, odds are those same people would support, congratulate, and tell you that you're amazing and look fantastic.

The only reason I ever think anyone should decide to make a change of any kind, is because they choose to, and they feel better about themselves as a result.

If it ain't broke, you don't need to worry about fixing it. 

If tomorrow however, one of the loving husband's of those heavy women confessed that he would find her more attractive if she lost weight, that leaves her with a choice about how she feels about herself and her marriage.

Do I think heavy women are unlovable or deserve to be shamed? No I don't.

Am I attracted to overweight women? No. Never have. Never will be. I live a very healthy lifestyle.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

brokenbythis said:


> Where do I live? LOL - California!
> 
> All of the women I mention, were not overweight when they got married.
> 
> ...


We are taught to keep our mouths shut from the get go in life as to how a woman looks. Rude if we say fat or heavy. Completely out of line if we feel the model on TV is smoking hot and our woman is average or worse. So for many men, they just secretly wish their woman was attractive and accept the mommy role they get out of the deal and take the sex as they can get it. Many heavy woman are great in bed, due to the over compensation IMO. Have to be wild as they are competing with the more physically attractive girls. This is not to say that big is not beautiful, just for most men I think they keep their mouth shut if big is TOO BIG


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Simple, because they love thier spouse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

I usually see couples who are both overweight or both slim. I think they usually gain weight together, or they stay slim together. If the husband is overweight, will he complain about his wife's weight?


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

mablenc said:


> Simple, because they love thier spouse.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Took this long to get to the answer. We do love to read ourselves write on TAM.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

My husband has always been overweight but is now morbidly obese.

As the marriage had more issues I let myself go, too, and put on some 60lb (most of which has now gone and had better stay away!).

At our heaviest our friends would all have sworn we had one of the happiest marriages they knew of. We didn't, we just hid it really well. And the sex life was zero (and I mean total zero) for well over 3 years.

A man I know has a zero sex life with his heavily overweight wife but when they are out with friends they are happy and jolly and his wife even discusses 50 Shades of Grey as if she were an authority on all things sexual.

You can never tell what is going on in someone else's marriage.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

It probably also depends on where the weight is. For example if women have big thighs and big butt, but has a flat tummy a lot of men find that appealing. Of course larger boobs can attract too. But if there is a pot belly with a roll or two of fat and flabby arms that is a lot less attractive. I presume. 

Would anyone say Beyonce is overweight? She has a big butt and big thighs. In her younger days she was even bigger. 

Also some men (my H) are not attracted to thin women at all whether they are shapely or not. And he is tall and slim.


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## Red Sonja (Sep 8, 2012)

People like what they like … skinny, obese, chubby, muscular, older, younger, etc … it’s all over the map, just look at the varieties of pornography that are available. I think attraction problems arise when one spouse changes significantly over the course of a relationship. Large weight gains (or losses) cause a person to look totally different than “the spouse I married”.

Models are stick-women because designers in the fashion industry make all their sample collections, destined for wear on the runways, in one (very small) size. There are exceptions of course, but those are only for celebrity-level models. And, why would we want to look like those models? Imagine what kind of lifestyle they have to maintain that … think cigarettes, drugs, starving themselves, no energy, yuck.

Back in my dating days I had troubles not because I was overweight or ugly but because I was “over athletic”. I was and still am built like Hope Solo (the soccer player) and I often heard the phrase “she looks like she could throw you around in bed” (in a derisive tone). That was fun. 

The point is that no one is that elusive ideal that everyone thinks is “hot”. So, be healthy, go for general fitness and learn to dress the body you have in an attractive manner ... that is the best anyone can do.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> I usually see couples who are both overweight or both slim. I think they usually gain weight together, or they stay slim together. If the husband is overweight, will he complain about his wife's weight?


My husband is rather slim 5'11 and about 145 lbs. I was significantly heavier than I am now when we married, though I am now working on my weight. I don't see myself ever weighing 125 lbs to match his BMI for my height (lol, that would be less than I weighed in middle school.) So - we'll always be the mismatched couple, I guess. 

And yes - overweight men can and do complain about women being overweight. I once had a 300 lb man dump me for being too heavy, when I was about 200.


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

Red Sonja said:


> I was and still am built like Hope Solo (the soccer player) and I often heard the phrase “she looks like she could throw you around in bed” (in a derisive tone).


I looked her up on Google.

You can throw me around, I would really enjoy it.


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## pink_lady (Dec 1, 2012)

ClimbingTheWalls said:


> My husband has always been overweight but is now morbidly obese.
> 
> As the marriage had more issues I let myself go, too, and put on some 60lb (most of which has now gone and had better stay away!).
> 
> ...


Exactly. Often the people who brag at work or wherever about their hot sex lives are covering/compensating.


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## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> So after reading countless threads on TAM and as many books on the subject it is pretty much a taken that men are visual and how you look does count in the eyes of your male SO.
> 
> So.... 90% and I really mean 90% of all the long-term, seemingly happy couples I know - the women are extremely overweight. Some morbidly obese.
> 
> So why are their marriages intact? And they seem extremely confident their man is not going elsewhere. The husbands seems happy too. Any input?


----I am brought to tears by the visual of my other 1/2= when she quit smoking she went to 235 lb. from 115 when we got married to 230,and there is an 1 inch thick wall of fat on the front of her. words do nothing but hurt,and i'm busted by the Visual. still the wonderful lady inside. words don't help.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I suspect their are more men that like a heavier woman then a lot of people think, it's just that society and mass media preaches that all woman should be a coat hanger with huge bobs so they don't admit it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Truth. Give me a woman with girly curves any day over Kate Moss.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

It's really easy to say to anyone just go out and start exercising to lose the weight. 

There's a big problem when the person who gained the weight is unable to exercise. It's beyond frustrating, especially when you have the motivation to do so. Yes, the diet has drastically changed the point where almost everyone is up in arms disagreeing with how few calories they eat. It's a lose lost situation.

I met my husband while I was slightly underweight. During my pregnancies I did gain 100lbs each child, but worked it off. 

Then the unthinkable happened. A freak accident. I no longer can run, I no longer can run. Even my MIL has mentioned how much weight I have gained. It was a big blow to my confidence.

Most people, including women know they are overweight. Some are okay with it while others are not.

I'm not overweight yet by the BMI charts, but I'm still fairly young around 40. It's harder and harder to lose or even maintain the weight I'm at now. I want my old "running" look back.

My husband does love me for who I am. A few extra pounds does is not grounds for divorce. I'm on a life long mission to keep thin, I always have been ever since I remember. 

I ultimately lose the weight for my own self and no one else. Personally it takes exercise and eating right to lose the weight. Right now I cut out nearly all processed foods and eat everything that is naturally grown from the ground. I have no excuses.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Women are more visual too. I'm down 40 lbs since December and my wife likes me at my lighter weight better (from an attractiveness standpoint) than I was. I remember before I started my weight loss, I asked her if she was still attracted to me and she said yes, that the extra weight is not a big issue. Well as I am slimming down, I find out that the weight DOES matter. I asked her why she didn't tell me the truth that I was not as appealing sexually when I was heavier? Her response was that I didn't want to hurt you and that you knew what you looked like without me telling you. 

So guys, if you think your wife is not bothered because you are a porker...think again. 

The weight loss has a lot of other advantages than just looking sexier for your wife (or husband). It also affects your performance in bed. I'm amazed at how much more physical stamina I have now and what I can do vs last year at this time. Also, you want to grow old together, travel and just do things together. The weight just gets in the way and over time you can actually be crippling yourself slowly because your joints will eventually give up with carrying extra bulk. You also want to be around to see grandkids and have fun with them too. There is so much to life that is simply better to experience together if you are both in healthy shape.

I believe that being overweight does make someone less appealing on more than one level. Sure your attraction to your mate gets diminished, but that doesn't mean that you love your spouse less. But it does bring about concern for the overweight spouse and overtime that can wear on you. It's also highly unattractive to watch a spouse slowly kill himself/herself because they cannot control their food intake and/or refuse to eat a healthy diet. And who wants to think of a future where you either have to 1) push your spouse around in a wheelchair, 2) limit excursions out due to fatigue and 3) feel crushed by your spouse when having sex. I can list plenty of others but you get the point.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

There is so much more to a person then their weight and looks.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

greenpearl said:


> I usually see couples who are both overweight or both slim. I think they usually gain weight together, or they stay slim together. If the husband is overweight, will he complain about his wife's weight?


You may be onto something. Both my exH and I were and still are slim side.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> There is so much more to a person then their weight and looks.


No doubt. But people also lie to themselves too and say that looks should never factor into things either. That is not realistic. Before I started my self improvement (which is mostly for myself, just to be clear), my wife never wanted to do much of anything when she was on her period. Well, we had some pretty passionate sex this weekend and she was only day 3 or 4 in her cycle. She was turned on. There have been other times during the summer too where she was ready to go while still on the rag. The most logical conclusion I could come up with is that the weight loss plus weight training is having a positive effect on how attracted she is to me. I realize that attraction is based on a basket of traits and not looks alone. But I've never heard of anyone getting turned off because their spouse improved his/her looks. 

IMHO, there is nothing wrong with being a visual person. I also think a lot of communication is squelched because someone doesn't want to hurt their spouse. I think in time this raises resentment in one spouse - especially if they see that their spouse is killing themselves with their weight issues and is slowly becoming a cripple, invalid or someone with loads of health issues. 

Obviously we don't have complete control over our looks. If we're born with a big nose, big forehead, etc, we're probably going to be stuck with that trait. But if you have the ability to control your weight and general health, then it's your DUTY to keep yourself in shape for the sake of your spouse. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with demanding your spouse to keep in shape so that the two of you can continue to enjoy a fulfilling life together - including traveling, sex, doing activities together and growing old together.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

brokenbythis said:


> So after reading countless threads on TAM and as many books on the subject it is pretty much a taken that men are visual and how you look does count in the eyes of your male SO.
> 
> So.... 90% and I really mean 90% of all the long-term, seemingly happy couples I know - the women are extremely overweight. Some morbidly obese.
> 
> So why are their marriages intact? And they seem extremely confident their man is not going elsewhere. The husbands seems happy too. Any input?


Their marriages are intact because they and their spouse truly love each other. It really is possible to love someone for who they are.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> No doubt. But people also lie to themselves too and say that looks should never factor into things either. That is not realistic. Before I started my self improvement (which is mostly for myself, just to be clear), my wife never wanted to do much of anything when she was on her period. Well, we had some pretty passionate sex this weekend and she was only day 3 or 4 in her cycle. She was turned on. There have been other times during the summer too where she was ready to go while still on the rag. The most logical conclusion I could come up with is that the weight loss plus weight training is having a positive effect on how attracted she is to me. I realize that attraction is based on a basket of traits and not looks alone. But I've never heard of anyone getting turned off because their spouse improved his/her looks.
> 
> IMHO, there is nothing wrong with being a visual person. I also think a lot of communication is squelched because someone doesn't want to hurt their spouse. I think in time this raises resentment in one spouse - especially if they see that their spouse is killing themselves with their weight issues and is slowly becoming a cripple, invalid or someone with loads of health issues.
> 
> Obviously we don't have complete control over our looks. If we're born with a big nose, big forehead, etc, we're probably going to be stuck with that trait. But if you have the ability to control your weight and general health, then it's your DUTY to keep yourself in shape for the sake of your spouse. IMHO, there is nothing wrong with demanding your spouse to keep in shape so that the two of you can continue to enjoy a fulfilling life together - including traveling, sex, doing activities together and growing old together.


What really sucks is when you look totally healthy on the outside, but have a disability on the inside that prevents you from exercising to a normal level. I know this first hand after I broke my neck. Naturally I gained weight. Not being able to run 36 miles a week is killing me mentally. I guess that's just life.

I'm very lucky to have such an understanding husband who supports me in all aspects of my life, even if I gain weight. That's between my husband and I. What I do for my looks and weight is not for my husband, it's for myself and my own goals. 

I am not one to ever judge on other peoples looks, I never have. I remember in my early to mid 20's hanging out with a group of "friends". They were looking around the room and making fun of just about everyone there due to their looks. I was so disgusted that I got up and left. I don't hang out with those who are shallow with big ego's. It's not my cup of tea.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> What really sucks is when you look totally healthy on the outside, but have a disability on the inside that prevents you from exercising to a normal level. I know this first hand after I broke my neck. Naturally I gained weight. Not being able to run 36 miles a week is killing me mentally. I guess that's just life.
> 
> *I'm very lucky to have such an understanding husband who supports me in all aspects of my life, even if I gain weight. That's between my husband and I. What I do for my looks and weight is not for my husband, it's for myself and my own goals. *
> 
> I am not one to ever judge on other peoples looks, I never have. I remember in my early to mid 20's hanging out with a group of "friends". They were looking around the room and making fun of just about everyone there due to their looks. I was so disgusted that I got up and left. I don't hang out with those who are shallow with big ego's. It's not my cup of tea.


I agree with what you wrote. I also will love my wife no matter what because of who she is not just because she may have a nice body. That's why I put the caveat in my last paragraph there being no excuse for someone who is fully capable of taking care of themselves but they fail to simply out of laziness. If there is a health issue that prevents you from keeping in shape, that's an entirely different situation in my book. 

It would be the same thing about sex in marriage. If you have a medical condition that prevents you from having sex with your spouse, that's one thing. It's entirely different if you are fully capable, have an otherwise good marriage but refuse to have sex with your spouse. 

But the weight control in my book is not just for looks - although I'd be lying if I didn't like the effects that my efforts are yielding. But there is so much more to it so that you can have a better quality of life to share with your spouse.


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## PM1 (Aug 9, 2011)

I have been developing a theory that response to weight might be somewhat impacted by health or the cause/style of gain. My wife gained a fair amount during her second pregnancy, and I see old video and I'm shocked by how heavy she was after, yet I had no reaction to it at all and do not remember thinking she was that big. I knew intellectually she was heavier than ideal weight, but was not put off in any way. However, recently she has gained a chunk of weight fairly quickly and for some reason it is more off-putting than before. I feel like a total hypocrite because I am overweight and so feel I should not judge, but I do know that I am reacting more this time. In soul searching over this, I've realized that this time she is gaining through unhealthy eating and lifestyle, and is not showing any interest or effort in minimizing the trend or working on it. As someone who struggles to eat better every day, I know how hard it is to lose it, so its hard to see her putting herself in such a position. She's always been closer to her ideal weight than me, so its sad. We're older now than during pregnancy so I know it will be harder to lose, plus more likely to have health impacts. That's the main difference, so I thought maybe that was why I had more of a reaction.

I also think "sexy" is more than skinny with big boobs. I've seen women I would not normally be attracted to who had this aura of confidence that I found attractive. Or a woman who has the ability to truly WALK. Confidence can overcome a lot.
My 2-cents.


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## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

I see some of the posts here and have a lot of respect for women and men who say they love their spouse no matter if they gain weight or not.

Good for you but it's not always the norm. I am in very good shape for my age, I am 40 and run 75 minutes to 90 minutes per run (2 times a week) and try to hit the weights 2 to 3 days a week.

I don't judge anyone by their appearance, nor do I lecture anyone about how they should live their life. I am shallow in a way that I am more attracted to women that are fit.

Don't hate me for it since there are women that are more attracted to men that are fit as well.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

To say that men are just visual and nothing else matters other than looks is very general and doesn't do justice to men and their capability to appreciate beauty.

I as a man get turned on by a very beautiful woman. But I also get turned on by success or talent. If a woman is highly talented in something then it wouldn't matter for me how she looks or how much she weighs (as long as she doesn't weigh more than 200 lb). So what I am trying to say is a man has acceptable limits within preferences for women and as long as something else tips the scale a lack in one section doesn't matter that much.

May be the couples with overweight female partners you know are compatible in other things. May be a woman who weighs 250 lb is an outstanding singer and that's what seals the deal for the husband. It would, for me.

And I will not put too much emphasis on outside appearances of a relationship. Looks can be deceiving (see what I did there? :awink: )


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

brokenbythis said:


> So after reading countless threads on TAM and as many books on the subject it is pretty much a taken that men are visual and how you look does count in the eyes of your male SO.
> 
> So.... 90% and I really mean 90% of all the long-term, seemingly happy couples I know - the women are extremely overweight. Some morbidly obese.
> 
> So why are their marriages intact? And they seem extremely confident their man is not going elsewhere. The husbands seems happy too. Any input?


 Just because they "seem" or look "happy", doesn't mean they really are.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

brokenbythis said:


> Then you have all the female empowerment books telling you no matter what to "love your body" etc. They send out such a strong message to women that you can let yourself go - it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks as long as you don't care and accept yourself the way you are.


I wouldn't relate "loving your body" with letting yourself go. Personally I feel that healthy living and making certain choices, is loving your body. I eat chocolate and cook with butter and such, yet I tend to think my choices overall are fairly healthy. I notice the increase of energy I have when eating certain foods and exercising, my skin looks healthier and my outlook is more positive. 

If we can accept ourselves and love our body, without a critical negative eye and/or our size being connected to our feeling of self-worth or esteem, that doesn't equal not having fitness goals and such, it just means having self-acceptance regardless.


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## wilderness (Jan 9, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> I wouldn't relate "loving your body" with letting yourself go. Personally I feel that healthy living and making certain choices, is loving your body. I eat chocolate and cook with butter and such, yet I tend to think my choices overall are fairly healthy. I notice the increase of energy I have when eating certain foods and exercising, my skin looks healthier and my outlook is more positive.
> 
> If we can accept ourselves and love our body, without a critical negative eye and/or our size being connected to our feeling of self-worth or esteem, that doesn't equal not having fitness goals and such, it just means having self-acceptance regardless.


I also think a big part of the problem is all of this female empowerment stuff. I don't really think it's healthy to love or even accept being grossly overweight. My experience is that in present day society, too many women are being too accepting of being fat. Just my opinion.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I see the weight issue as comparable to any other addiction or potential deal-breaker, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, financial irresponsibility, abuse, untreated mental illness, or infidelity.

Now, if we are both okay with it, with no double standard, then it's no one else's business. Otherwise, it would be a potential deal breaker for me if not dealt with. It can be a sign of a physical/health problem, a mental health problem, a passive-aggressive response to problems in the relationship, a distancing mechanism, blame-shifting, or a variety of other things. But most often, it's simply overindulgence.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

I am not fat, but my body shape is rounded. I have large breasts and wide hips and Ice Skater legs. The perfect body for having babies.

My husband LOVES my body.


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## Fallen Leaf (May 27, 2013)

lonelyinlove, you go girl! 

For me, when I was thinner I had guys whistle at me and even dated pretty cute guys who found me very attractive (glad they didn't work out). When I got married, I had a couple of guys (strangers) ask me out (one to dinner and the other to be his girl). Told them both I was married but they persisted. 

The attention was great but my priorities were more important than the attention from strangers so I began to let myself go and focused just on my family. I still got some attention though...one guy got so upset at me when he found out I was married when he saw my ring...I felt so bad for him because he was so shy but always made his way to talk to me when he could...LOL. I didn't know he liked me that way until he saw my ring but afterward he stayed away from me from for good. 

Anyway, I was saying, I let myself go for a short time because I wasn't working outside the home anymore and I didn't need to look put together. But, then my weight got to me and I started getting palpitations, depression, weird things on my body. I was pretty scared. I went to the doctors every other week and it got expensive. I realized I had to change my habits and start focusing on living healthier otherwise I'd be going downhill fast. I started working out earlier this year by walking first then jogging then running. I also biked and went swimming when I was able to. I've lost a little over 10 lbs and feel great (no palps or strange things on my body...no serious depression either). My husband didn't care whether I was fat or thin. He loved me both ways but he now likes how hot I look in my tight work out clothes and hair in a pony. We work out together when he's home and the kids are in school. 

In my neighborhood, a lot of the moms dress in lululemon style clothes. They look good and people do look at them. I won't ever do that though...I don't want the attention. Just having my husband notice how I look in tight workout clothes is enough to tell me that other guys will see it the same way and I don't need that. I wear the tight workout clothes as apposed to sweats and t-shirts because sweats and t-shirts are baggy and weigh me down. I originally started out wearing that but when I began wearing the tighter/fashionable stuff, I felt more positive and motivated...and also felt as though I could do more because the clothes weren't weighing me down.

Of course working out takes up some of the time I could use to do other things like clean the house or work on my part-time hobby job but I'm feeling healthier and happier working out so the other things have to wait...my workouts come after my husband and kids though...they are what makes me most happy.

So, maybe those fatties let themselves go because they don't need to attract anyone and plus maybe their husbands prefer them fat because that's less attractive attention from other guys.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

This is a conversation my husband and I had actually. "What weight would you start to talk to me about?"

We both came to the conclusion that we would talk to each other if we gained more than about 30 pounds. I'm underweight as it is and he's just about normal weight. 

It's not because "OMG I MUST BE MARRIED TO A HOT MAN", but we both have established we feel better and are happier when we are active. Because being active makes us both feel better we will push each other to remain active. 

I married a young, in-shape Marine, yes, but I married him for the person he was, not his abs. Likewise, I've gained some weight and lost some muscle tone since we met, but my husband didn't marry me for how fit and tone I am (I hope! ).


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