# Don't settle for an ok sex life, aim for amazing - it is your right as a human being



## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

I haven't seen in this forum a thread talking about how we can go from having an ok relationship with our spouces to having an amazing relationship. And to me, it cannot be achieved unless there is an amazing sex life in it. So how can we get it - I only can speak for myself but here it goes:

1. think about your relationship and think about what you will love to have from it, realize the gaps and talk to your spouce about it
2. explain to her/him why you are not happy with what you currently have with them - don't concentrate in the sex, talk about the need for a close connection. To me, I need to feel loved by my wife, I need her to make me feel wanted, desired, and loved...it can be verbal too.
3. make sure they understand that relationships (any) requires work and it is constant work....that if you don't realize the importance of investing in making sure your relationship still hot, pure, and truthful, that your relationship is doomed to fail. 
4. Educate your partner - share with them information regarding divorces and the reasons for it, the unhappy marriages, all the people (in this forum and others) with problems that make then unhappy, share with them your sexuality, why you so desparetly need fisical conneccion but not a crapy one but an amazing one.
5. explain them that after you invest in your relationship and find out what you need to do to make the other one happy, that your happiness spil over to other people (your family)...explain them that after you start trying new things in the bedroom, you will start liking them like you never thought possilble - why?, because before they were cut up on societal barriers or because of their up bringing...let them know that everyday, people change that change is good and necessary as we became olders....

Anyone has more ideas??


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

It is interesting to see how nobody wants to comment on this tread. I know people have a lot of problems but I do believe that when you love someone, you need to work on the relationship so it can reach a level of happiness for everyone....so nobody out there has nothing to say....so how can you actually be really happy in a relationship when there is no desire to change and advance together...when there is no communication and real desire to have a better and closer relationship.....mmmmm


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## MissMoneypenny (Nov 22, 2010)

marcopoly69 I'm afraid I've been through all that and he keeps promosing things will change, that we'll do something about it and then... nothing ever happens.
We work hard on our relationship or we wouldn't still be together, and we both put a lot of effort into it in all sorts of areas BAR the sex department 
Yes, in theory I agree with everything you say, but in practice it's an entirely different story :scratchhead:


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## Wantloveback (Nov 22, 2010)

I totally agree w/ MissMoney. I've tried all the above, we have talked about wants/needs and made promises to eachother. I've tried to work on the "bedroom" stuff and weeks later we are back to the same place we were. I can't find a way to get my husband to open up to me and talk to me about what he truly wants out of this marriage. He will tell me the little stuff, but there is something much deeper and no one can get it out of him.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

Most men don't want to work on the relationship, they expect it to be fine. My friend is struggling with this right now.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I have done each of those suggestions and I'm still basically in a sexless union. I don't know what causes her low libido but it isn't the result of her not understanding that lack of intimacy is bad news for a marriage, is a major cause of divorce, or that marriages require work. Back when I was a dumb 17 year old, I had sense enough to know that bad results would come from denying one's spouse sex or intimacy. Anyone who doesn't understand that rejection doesn't feel great has no business getting married or even being allowed to move freely among civilized people. I can't imagine that any human really doesn't realize that they are hurting their marriage and their partner by denying them intimacy. I can't fathom anyone being that out of tune with the human race.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

what you mentioned is disapointing since we have only one life and time doesn't stop so everyday that we are not happy or satisfied, is, in my opionion, time of our lives wasted.

I think that the only way to fix the gaps in a relationship is simply by not giving up....keep talking about it....when the time for being intimated comes show your spauce so much passion and desire...be surprising....do something out of the blue....talk to them in the ear right before cuming how much you love them and love to feel this close....don't start having sex right a way...kiss, look at eachothe eyes...look for the person you fall in love with.....tell them that the problem of not being happy at an intimate level is that you never are going to be close to them and that is a dangerous thing....you have to work in your relationship don't give up....educate, ask questions, take care of yourself, look for ways to be romantic and hot.....don't give up....when you get what you always wanted (of course you have to comprimes) , life is beatiful...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Life is short, we should enjoy our life as much as we can. I don't disagree with it. 

But there is another way to make us happier and more content, it is to enjoy what we have. 

When we accept the fact, and know it is the fact, there is nothing we can do, then face it,and focus on something else. When we choose to live our life this way, it will make us much happier people. 

For example, I want to be able to visit my family often, but they are far away, they are in a different country, I can choose to be homesick, and be sad all the time. Or I can choose to accept the fact that my family is far away, I should spend my time doing something else. When I accept the fact, my life becomes much easier!!!

  

For sex, I don't need to write more. I am happy with ours!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

marcopoly69 said:


> I think that the only way to fix the gaps in a relationship is simply by not giving up....keep talking about it....when the time for being intimated comes show your spauce so much passion and desire...be surprising....do something out of the blue....talk to them in the ear right before cuming how much you love them and love to feel this close....don't start having sex right a way...kiss, look at eachothe eyes...look for the person you fall in love with.....tell them that the problem of not being happy at an intimate level is that you never are going to be close to them and that is a dangerous thing....you have to work in your relationship don't give up....educate, ask questions, take care of yourself, look for ways to be romantic and hot.....don't give up....when you get what you always wanted (of course you have to comprimes) , life is beatiful...


 I am so much like you Marcopoly! I can really identify with your Passion -for your marraige & Sex life. 

But in reality, we are just Blessed- and we should not forget this. All this excitement we share here - can be hurtful to others , who have tried this, been there, done many of these things, even all of these things & through no fault of their own, their spouses are simply NOT up to being "Receptive". Not everyone has a spouse who is willing, no matter HOW passionate, HOW desirous & HOW loving we are. 

There are 5 kinds of love: From reading another's post about the 5 types, I am convinced I am personally "wrapped up" into these 2 types right now in my marraige, I would say you are too :

*Epithumia*: Is of Greek origin and is a love based on a strong desire of many sorts. Many times it is associated with lust or sometimes to covet. While epithumia love can draw couples closer together it can also be divisive as it can lead to an uncontrollable desire to have or to own. We often hear on this forum from people who desperately try and draw a spouse back after they have become detached from the marriage. The efforts can be overwhelming to the retreating spouse as epithumia love can be seen as controlling. Epithumia love can also nurture strong bonds in a couple if they both experience it especially in a sexual context. To mutually desire each other sexually and to engross themselves in love making that is driven both by desire and selflessness in pleasing each other. Epithumia love is a double edged sword and is most likely manifested in a positive manner in the early stages of a relationship.

*Eros*: This the love most associated with romance. It is that head-over-heals feeling we get when a relationship moves forward. Your world and mind circles about your loved one and they are always on your mind. You strive for time together romantically. It is manifested in poetry, words of affirmation, love making, that special look in the eyes.…. A feeling that you could not be happy in life without their companionship and love. Eros love is wholly emotional and cannot be summoned at will. Sadly while most of us have experience eros love in our lives it is not sustainable. Most experts estimate that it will only last 18 – 24 months in the best of relationship before the relationship moves on to another form of love. While eros love is not sustainable, it can cycle in and out of a relationship over its course. 


Here is a link to the full 5 types of LOVE, other marraiges can survive without these 2 types that mean so very much to US personally right now, as these things ebb & flow in relationships - someday one of us or our spouses may not be feeling it "like this", but that is OK too. Just thank our lucky stars our spouses are "with us" now on this journey - and it IS beautiful.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/3991-five-kinds-love.html


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## marco100 (Nov 25, 2010)

marcopoly69 said:


> what you mentioned is disapointing since we have only one life and time doesn't stop so everyday that we are not happy or satisfied, is, in my opionion, time of our lives wasted.
> 
> I think that the only way to fix the gaps in a relationship is simply by not giving up....keep talking about it....when the time for being intimated comes show your spauce so much passion and desire...be surprising....do something out of the blue....talk to them in the ear right before cuming how much you love them and love to feel this close....don't start having sex right a way...kiss, look at eachothe eyes...look for the person you fall in love with.....tell them that the problem of not being happy at an intimate level is that you never are going to be close to them and that is a dangerous thing....you have to work in your relationship don't give up....educate, ask questions, take care of yourself, look for ways to be romantic and hot.....don't give up....when you get what you always wanted (of course you have to comprimes) , life is beatiful...



The problem with your whole idea is the notion that the average person can or should have above-average expectations. That's impossible and will result in disappointment, as unrealistic expectations always result in.

If my expectation is that sex with my partner has to be "amazing" or else it isn't good enough, then I will be an unhappy person in an unhappy relationship.

This concept applies to all areas of life. If I always expect my wife to prepare "amazing" gourment meals then I'm going to be disappointed most of the time.

No as another poster wisely pointed out, there is a value to being able to cherish that which we already have, and not always looking for the greener grass.

So I don't need mind-blowing amazing sex every time or even most of the time to be satisfied with my sex life overall. In fact that's impossible--just as you would ultimately be disappointed if you had the most delicious layer cake for desert every day, you'd soon tire of it.

Roller coasters are a lot of fun (if you're into them) but if you work at Disneyworld maybe they're just old hat.

The message that OP is selling unfortunately is part of a tendency of people to think what they have already isn't good enough and it's this attitude that contributes to a lot of infidelity IMO.


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## marco100 (Nov 25, 2010)

Wantloveback said:


> I totally agree w/ MissMoney. I've tried all the above, we have talked about wants/needs and made promises to each other. I've tried to work on the "bedroom" stuff and weeks later we are back to the same place we were. *I can't find a way to get my husband to open up to me and talk to me about what he truly wants out of this marriage.* He will tell me the little stuff, but there is something much deeper and no one can get it out of him.



Some people esp. men have a lot of trouble being verbal about emotional issues. It's ingrained. Women on the other hand take this inability to communicate as a personal attack.

You need to pull yourself away from this impasse and start trying to apply a little bit more logic to the situation.

Accept that your husband is unable to actually tell you what he wants. Maybe he doesn't know or can't articulate it.

You know him though, you've been with him and observed his behavior. Hopefully you also know something in general about men and human nature.

So what do men, in general, want?

They don't want to be threatened in their relationship. They want to be made to feel secure. They don't want to be belittled. They don't want a fight over every little thing. 

Sexually? Most men are pretty happy with plain vanilla most of the time but with occasional "extras" thrown in now and then. But they want their woman to be open sexually and not grudgingly. No resentments. If you have issues outside of the bedroom try to leave them outside. The bedroom should be a respite from the hassles that are going on outside of it.

This assumes you have a basically healthy relationship. If you don't, then whatever is screwed up outside the bedroom needs to be addressed.


Maybe he doesn't feel he can put his cards on the table because he fears your reaction.

Example: Are you obese? Unattractive? Maybe he doesn't want to tell you that if you lost that extra 30 lbs. of blubber he would find you more attractive. Who knows?

Bottom line is if he is physically healthy all you really need to do is get something moderately sexy from Victoria's Secret, bottle of wine, scented candles, send the kids to grandma's or the babysitter's, cook him a nice steak, try not to nag him about anything for a day or two, and "it's on."

Really really simple with most men, actually.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I SOOO agree with you Marco100 :iagree::iagree::iagree:

I can honestly say & ashamedly admit I am guilty of EXPECTING too much from my husband, it is best to not do these things!! I cause him a little grief now & then because of MY high expectations. 

LOVE everything you just said.


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## marco100 (Nov 25, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I SOOO agree with you Marco100 :iagree::iagree::iagree:


I can't tell if you're being sarcastic here based on what follows in your post.

However this inability to be straightforward/direct, masking real feelings in sarcasm/"humor", is a pretty bad habit to get into, if the objective is to improve communications. It's hard enough as it is to engage in meaningful communications.

Now obviously I'm not your spouse. However, every time you communicate obliquely about a sensitive topic, even with someone on the internet, you are "practicing" a mode of communication which, in the context of your relationship, is dysfunctional. 



> I can honestly say & ashamedly admit I am guilty of EXPECTING too much from my husband, it is best to not do these things!!


This is why I assumed you're being sarcastic. What is the point of sarcasm here? If you actually feel that you are being unrealistically demanding of your husband, then the obvious answer is for you to stop being so demanding. If you feel that you're being reasonable but your h isn't living up to your reasonable expectations, then why make a joke out of it in this way? That's a terrible communication habit to be practicing.

But the point I was making in response to OP was that it is unrealistic for most of us to set the bar so high as to expect "amazing" sex all or even most of the time. In fact it's impossible. It's unreasonable. If you have unreasonable expectations you are never going to be happy.

What's reasonable to expect of a partner in the sexual realm? Well what's more or less average? I'd say sex maybe 2 - 3 x a week is not unreasonable, accounting for medical issues and so forth. The sex doesn't have to be earth shattering, but it should be a stress reliever and comforting. Maybe sometimes less, maybe sometimes more. 

There are no hard and fast rules but if you're having sex less than 1x a week for a prolonged period of time, say several months, then clearly you have a right to be dissatisfied.

You'll find that when people finally get to the point of actually coming onto the internet to complain about sexless marriages it's been going on for quite a while and the sex drought, by that time, has been severe.

Because in a functional relationship, one of the things that partners should strive for is a positive feedback loop to maintain the desired equilibrium level, with both partners having an obligation to direct the relationship back towards the equilibrium.

That means if one of the partners is out of sorts and lacking in sex drive, for some period of time, the other partner focuses on that and addresses it to the first one. The problem is addressed mutually in a positive way, with the first partner acknowledging a deficiency and attempting to work through it. It takes teamwork.

If your husband is denying you a meaningful sex life and you've pointed that out in a non-sarcastic way, then what positive steps are either of you taking to improve that situation? Being sarcastic is not going to help you. At all. So you should stop, even on the internet when talking about your relationship with strangers. Stop diminishing the importance of what is going on in your relationship, even if what is going on right now is not so great. Stop making a joke out of it. This stuff is not funny at all. It's dead serious and that's exactly how you should look at it. A dysfunctional sex life which is not corrected or correctable can easily spend the end of the marriage. Stop being the class clown when talking about your own marriage.




> I cause him a little grief now & then because of MY high expectations.
> 
> LOVE everything you just said.


 Change your attitude woman. Take your life more seriously.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Marco100 : 

No , I was Not being sarcastic in any sense at all. I was very serious when I said what I said. I felt your 1st reply on this forum was excellent . I see you are new, I have no idea where you came from , but you get to the heart of the matter. Very helpful & clear. Such wisdom. 

I was being very HUMBLE in what I said, openly admitting to my own faults -in regards to my own sex life. I was being honest when I say I can relate to the "mindset" of Marcopoly but still 
agreeing with YOU that --this is NOT healthy & can lead to unrealistic expectations & this is not helpful to either spouse. I already know these things, but yet I struggle in some areas. You have given me extra food for thought. 

My husband is wonderful !! He is not denying me at all. If you look up any of my threads , you will get a better handle on where I am personally coming from. This is one of my 1st & explains better -my mindset . http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...inate-enough-wives-who-how-reverse-roles.html Absolutely no sarcasm. 

Now, I would enjoy hearing your reply (if any) if you had considered that I was NOT being sarcastic but simply "humbly honest" in desiring to agree with your wisdom - as this was my sole intention.


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## marco100 (Nov 25, 2010)

Oh OK.

Let me apologize then, sometimes it's hard to understand intent of someone in these messages.

Congratulations and happy Thanksgiving.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

marco100 said:


> Oh OK.
> 
> Let me apologize then, sometimes it's hard to understand intent of someone in these messages.
> 
> Congratulations and happy Thanksgiving.


marco, 

SA is sincere!

Her life has been interesting in some ways, but she is a very responsible wife. 

Talking about high expectation, this is one area which is causing a lot of problems in marriages. 

Sometimes we think that the other person is just like us, so she or he should know better what I want. If life were this simple, then this planet would have more happy marriages. 

Trick learned here is to set your expectation not high, then your needs are easily met, then you are easily to be content, then you are easily to be pleased, then you are easily to feel happy about your life!

What I have is not much different from other people, but the way I look at things is different. I choose to be happy with simple things, I choose to be happy with a simple life, I choose not to be bothered by smalls things in life, then it is easy for me to feel peaceful and cheerful!


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## marco100 (Nov 25, 2010)

The way of Zen is alien to much of "western culture."


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

High expectations.....mmmmm......greenpearl and marco100 you may be right from your perspective.....I guess, when you have gone through life the way I have gone through, and what I have accomplish in terms of stability, is when you look at your relationship and ask yourself: are you happy?, and if the answer is no so much, then can you really spent the rest of your life, not being very happy?....or trying to fullfill your fantacies by yourself, or trying to ignore your sex drive and dreams?....to me it was about connecting with my wife on a level where I can talk to her about everything I like and dislike, want and don't...and being able to have a good reception on her part. I know that time will make my sex drive to slow down, and I won't be so demanding anymore, I don't want to look back and feel that the only life I got to live and I couldn't be happy in what makes me be SO human...I give love with all my heart, I think about her and tell her everyday how beautiful she is to me...how sexy she is and how much I desire her....she knows that I need to feel the same way (before she would take the complements and laid down in bed wainting for me to do everything) not anymore, she finally, learned how to give me an amazing bj that it is not always the same, that include kissing my chest and a lot of passion from her.....how long it took?, years....she loved me so I was lucky she was able to be with me when I was the most frustrated, she was very lousy in her making love to me or anything related with sex, today, everyday, I let her know how important is to me feeling wanted and desired....I do my very best to make her happy and I just feel I deserve the same...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Marcopoly, 

I am happy that you have finally achieved what you desired. 

I have achieved what I wanted long time ago too. 

But the method I used was different! 

And I was trying to comfort others who can't be as lucky as you!


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## kendra2705 (Oct 31, 2010)

This just doesn't work for me now and in past relationships I have explained and talked till i'm red in the face , but to no avail, mine doesn't want sex he says its the last thing on his mind, it seems tv and money comes first I am leaving pretty soon after trying so hard to do things the right way. I have decided now in future relationships I will never try and talk again , if it doesn't seem to be working I am gone .


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

kendra2705 said:


> This just doesn't work for me now and in past relationships I have explained and talked till i'm red in the face , but to no avail, mine doesn't want sex he says its the last thing on his mind, it seems tv and money comes first I am leaving pretty soon after trying so hard to do things the right way. I have decided now in future relationships I will never try and talk again , if it doesn't seem to be working I am gone .


The problem is that you have to find someone that falls in love with you...it love is not the common denominator, then how can you cause change?....if love is strong that there is willingness to improve, change and feel close....to me, my life is devoted to my wife, but I know she loves me very much!....so when faced with a prospect of my not being happy and what it did for our relationship and everyone around, she knew that something had to change....it was tough and not even today, we are done trying to make our sex lives better. To me, is about showing that you care, showing that you want and desire.....if you don't feel like doing something, communicate, if you are going to do something do it, like you mean it; otherwise, you are not showing your love....to be successful, you have to talk about how everything makes you feel, and also listen!...and compromised - I do, in the sense that when things I want and how I want them do not happen, I keep telling myself that with passion and love some day they will...but my W makes sure that every time we are together she shows excitment of being with me, and that is a change that she made that is always presente in our love making sessions.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

There is also another issue that could be at play: everybody is different and gets different things out of sex. Some people get that emotional high, a huge emotional connection and fireworks and love of life, whereas some people just get physical release and none of that emotional mumbo jumbo out of sex. So if you demand to have mind blowing sex with someone - even if you do get that part, the other person doesn't. It is one sided. That may explain why some people don't have a huge passion about "improving their sex life", because to them it currently is at optimum level. I think it is unrealistic to expect that your partner is exactly the same as you - ie. gets the same thing out of being sexual. For some people their life revolves around their sexuality, but to others sexuality is just a tiny piece of the pie so to speak.


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## XtineB (Nov 28, 2010)

"What's reasonable to expect of a partner in the sexual realm? Well what's more or less average? I'd say sex maybe 2 - 3 x a week is not unreasonable, accounting for medical issues and so forth. The sex doesn't have to be earth shattering, but it should be a stress reliever and comforting. Maybe sometimes less, maybe sometimes more. 
There are no hard and fast rules but if you're having sex less than 1x a week for a prolonged period of time, say several months, then clearly you have a right to be dissatisfied."

OK then,, this is exactly what I have been searching these threads for; I believe I qualify as "drought". Hubs hasn't touched me since September. I've done all those things. We have talked talked talked this to death over the last 18 years; Now it's worse than ever. If we get divorced over this, it will be the most incredible waste. I don't need earth shattering,, heck, I don't even need to have an orgasm. I just want the closeness and the comfort. I don't want any more apologies- (Just PUT OUT already!! ;-) I understand there are medical issues, but OMG,,, September??? There's no compromise here. He says he's broken and doesn't feel sexy and thats the end of the story. This is a beautiful man, who's just as sexy to me as the first moment I met him, who satisfies me completely when he's in it, and he just seems like, now that he can't do the things he used to do, all bets are off. What do I do? It seems a little shallow to end our marriage now that he's down, but my needs aren't being met AT ALL, and as much as he apologizes,, his actions say more. Add 12 beers a day and you get my own private hell. I KNOW he loves me. I KNOW he wishes things were different but other than back into therapy,, this is going no place fast. I'm no match for the Mother of all Mid Life Crises. I just want to scream, but that upsets the neighbors. Everyone's bodies change as they age,, meniscus's tear,, why does it mean the end of our sex life?? BTW, we don't talk about this issue anymore, he just starts yelling like I'm in the wrong and it escalate immediately. If we go to therapy, they'll tell him that he has to find a way to connect with me physically, but he knows that already. I could leave, but then I lose my entire life, and he'll probably end up committing suicide, seriously, so please,, give me some words of wisdom. We fought so hard,, survived my affair & sex addiction,,, raised an amazing Marine,,, I thought we were just getting to the good stuff after so much bad. This has completely blindsided me.


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## marcopoly69 (Sep 7, 2010)

XtineB said:


> "What's reasonable to expect of a partner in the sexual realm? Well what's more or less average? I'd say sex maybe 2 - 3 x a week is not unreasonable, accounting for medical issues and so forth. The sex doesn't have to be earth shattering, but it should be a stress reliever and comforting. Maybe sometimes less, maybe sometimes more.
> There are no hard and fast rules but if you're having sex less than 1x a week for a prolonged period of time, say several months, then clearly you have a right to be dissatisfied."
> 
> OK then,, this is exactly what I have been searching these threads for; I believe I qualify as "drought". Hubs hasn't touched me since September. I've done all those things. We have talked talked talked this to death over the last 18 years; Now it's worse than ever. If we get divorced over this, it will be the most incredible waste. I don't need earth shattering,, heck, I don't even need to have an orgasm. I just want the closeness and the comfort. I don't want any more apologies- (Just PUT OUT already!! ;-) I understand there are medical issues, but OMG,,, September??? There's no compromise here. He says he's broken and doesn't feel sexy and thats the end of the story. This is a beautiful man, who's just as sexy to me as the first moment I met him, who satisfies me completely when he's in it, and he just seems like, now that he can't do the things he used to do, all bets are off. What do I do? It seems a little shallow to end our marriage now that he's down, but my needs aren't being met AT ALL, and as much as he apologizes,, his actions say more. Add 12 beers a day and you get my own private hell. I KNOW he loves me. I KNOW he wishes things were different but other than back into therapy,, this is going no place fast. I'm no match for the Mother of all Mid Life Crises. I just want to scream, but that upsets the neighbors. Everyone's bodies change as they age,, meniscus's tear,, why does it mean the end of our sex life?? BTW, we don't talk about this issue anymore, he just starts yelling like I'm in the wrong and it escalate immediately. If we go to therapy, they'll tell him that he has to find a way to connect with me physically, but he knows that already. I could leave, but then I lose my entire life, and he'll probably end up committing suicide, seriously, so please,, give me some words of wisdom. We fought so hard,, survived my affair & sex addiction,,, raised an amazing Marine,,, I thought we were just getting to the good stuff after so much bad. This has completely blindsided me.


Hang in there....It is very unfortunate what you have to deal with...to be honest with you, the point about different sexual drives and the importance to accept it, has its merits but in my experience, not having the physical and emotional intimacy that a satisfying sexual lives brings, is the bigging to the end for any human being....in the sense that after a while we get used to it and just forget it....and what you are forgetting is to be a lover...if you cannot be a lover, you cannot be a husband...(if not medical conditions are present)...you cannot be a husband because you don't love your wife...everything else is excuse and not truth...if your husband doesn't want to be with you physically, what's the point?....I trust is what you are lacking off because of an affair, then the marriage is over....and you should separate and move on.....if not, you'll recent your husband the rest of your life...and this is it...only one life to live....it is easier said it than do it, but you should try to give your life some excitement and happiness; otherwise, you'll become grumpy and resentful towards other...good luck!:scratchhead:


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