# How & When



## Nutty Boo (Sep 1, 2012)

I have been with my Husband since I was 18, he is 8 years older than me. We are coming up to our 10 years wedding anniversary. I never "lived" as such when I was younger and he is the first person I went out with & slept with. When we met I gave up my friends which was my choice. We have 2 kids 7 & 5 and have only had sex once since concieving our 5 year old. I havent been happy for the last 4 years and finally said something in Jan this year. We started councelling in Feb and it hasnt helped. We never spend time together sit in different rooms at night hardly talk unless its about the kids. When I look back I should never of married him. There was a lot of lies in the early days over drugs that he was taking and at the time I was young n naive. I have grown a lot since then and become a very independent person, strong willed and wanting more out of life. I now have a great friend network and have met someone who I have fallen for. 
Our daughter went thru a major operation 4 weeks ago and is undergoing rehab for the next 8 weeks. During the operation & recovery time neither of us were there for eachother, we are well n truely past being able to do this. The person I have met was always there for me as a friend and still is. Because I have fallen for someone else I can honestly say my heart isnt in our marriage. My biggest dilema now is when I should say something and how. I worry because of our daughter but not being happy all the time in myself is affecting not only me but my kids & husband. We are friends and hope we always will be for the sake of our kids. I want to make this as amicable as I can and hope he will too.
I am sorry for the long winded topic but I needed to get this off my chest & hope someone can offer some advise for me.
xxx


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

I can't see how much effort you could have put into MC if you had a friend to confide in. MC only works if there are two in a marriage, not three. It would have been best to end the marriage before you got involved with someone else. I'm not saying you had a fulfilling marriage and it didn't need to end, but your husband really had no chance with you these last months. Did he? Tell him you found someone else and wish to separate and move forward toward divorce. During that period you can work out the logistics of shared parenting and finances. Good luck.


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## WTBJ (Sep 1, 2012)

I too am in a bad marriage, but in a much more terrible situation. I want to fall in love with someone else, and have not found anyone or looked. I have no one to talk to and have isolated terrible, except for social networking.

You have not had sex in 5 years and things are not TERRIBLE, I would ask myself do I want the marriage to end, REGARDLESS if I end up with this other person or not. Only 3% of affairs end in marriage.

You could separate and not see other people. You could separate and see other people. You could separating with no intent of divorcing for a job or health reasons. IDK You could just cold turkey hand over the divorce papers.

If I were going to do this, (I am deciding on living separate staying married for health reasons, and to "save the marriage" so I am in a different spot than you) you need to make sure you are

1. prepared to support your kids (if not fight over them) all by yourself

2. prepared to pay your own rent, food, car, all of that with no other assistance

3. put your children through that

4. live alone for the rest of your life - my mother never remarried and only dated a couple of guys and stopped over the past 20 years and she is 50 so divorced at 28, dated 2 years and then never again :'( 

If you can say that being away from him, and these 4 things are better than being with him, then you know your decision.

However, I know a lot of my divorced friends (I'm 28 also) and single moms pretending like they are happy to be single, when they are in poverty, alone, depressed, and emotionally damaged from their divorces/raising their children alone.

There are some happy divorced single woman that don't care about those 4 things, and that is okay with them. You just need to be honest with yourself and make sure you are okay with not having any money, never having anyone to watch the kids, watching your children being hurt, and being alone the rest of your life. If that is better than what you are going through now, then of course yes.

I hope I was of help

Jess


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