# I've Been Abusive



## Aequo Animo (Jun 15, 2009)

I’ve been emotionally abusive to my wife over the past few years and it might lead to us breaking up. I just started seeing a counselor but I don’t want to waste another day! Can anyone recommend some web-sites, books, programs on how a person goes about changing and stopping abusive behaviors? There’s lots of stuff out there for the victims but I can’t find much to help me.


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## tonyandre (Jun 17, 2009)

Start taking anger management classes. I feel like I've been abusive to my wife as well, but as of recent I think the entire relationship has bottled issues that we have not discussed or dealt with before. 

Just remember, only you can control your actions and reactions, not hers. Part of your abusive behaviors is due to your cognitive thinking. I would start working with that with your counselor. I would also pick up a few books as well:

1) I'm OK You're OK by Thomas A. Harris- Classic book that is still effective
2) Rage: A Step-by-Step guide to Explosive Anger by Ronal T. Potter-Efron

Despite the stigma of what people say about abusive relationships, you do have a problem, but it doesn't mean that you aren't a good person. I have been trying to realize that since I've been separated. It's really tough, but give yourself credit that you are seeking professional help and looking for more ways to improve yourself.

Hope this helps


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## Aequo Animo (Jun 15, 2009)

Thanks Tony. My wife and I have been reading some stuff and I've started counseling too. I totally know it's because of things in my background and my wife seems to have renewed optimism seeing that the cause is probably identifiable and, therefore, can be addressed. One thing I’m seeing very clearly from all this, my wife is incredibly forgiving and loving. I just want to make sure I do all I can do to deserve and return her love.


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## tonyandre (Jun 17, 2009)

Good luck to you and your wife. Hopefully you two have better luck than I do.


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

Aequo Animo said:


> One thing I’m seeing very clearly from all this, my wife is incredibly forgiving and loving.


Cherish that and hold it very close. It will help see you though. Don't take your eyes off the goal or forget what you have learned.

You are a very lucky man. Make the most of it.


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## therealcabreezy (Aug 26, 2009)

You wrote this some time ago. I pray your situation has bettered. If you still check this, how are things?


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