# Any way I can stop her from seeing him?



## Dannyboy1 (Apr 6, 2010)

The issue is my wife of 8 months apparently will not stop cheating. It's been almost 4 months ago since finding evidence of her affair through her email by accident. She left the message open and I was only curious but never knew this would happen.

I'm really at lost of what to do. No matter how much I demand we go to marriage counseling and beg her to stop seeing the OM, she refuses to expressed remorse.

I know obviously divorce would be the answer but what if she comes back to me and decides to work on the marriage? Is there any solution left to this, something that will make her come back to me? I would take her back if she displayed at least some remorse.

Don't get me wrong, the first time I found out about it my first reaction was to end the marriage and possible throw her out. However, she kept begging me to take her back and that things would change but 2 weeks later it was the same again.

Now she denies there was sex with the OM. The worst part is last week she told me I can start seeing other women, that she wouldn't mind as long as I don't bring any at home.

I'm aware that probably any other men would have throw her out but there was something special about her that made me fall in love long ago. Without her (if I divorce her) it seems part of my life is over. I feel like I can't live without her. An hour as my wife left I sat down on the bottom of the stairs, covered my face and started crying.

I really want to beat the living hell out of the OM. He took her away from me.

Will anyone give me answers and feedback.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Tell us more about your situation. Does she work? Do you have children? Is the OM married? Do they work together? How did they meet?


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## Dannyboy1 (Apr 6, 2010)

Initfortheduration said:


> Does she work? Do you have children? Is the OM married? Do they work together? How did they meet?


We don't have any children and yes she does work as a receptionist. The OM is a single man she met online. 

I really want to beat the hell out of him.

I don't know why can't I find the strength to throw her out. She's putting me through all this BS and yet I'm still there suffering in my sadness.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

You will not keep her by begging, pleading, crying, or even finding the OM and kicking his a$$. First you have to man up. Next, close her off of all your bank accounts, cut off her credit cards. Kick her out of your place. Send her home to her parents. Call all friends and family and let them know. That includes her parents, and family members. Your parents. Your friends. File for divorce ( You don't have to sign the papers) so you can protect yourself from her financially. She doesn't respect you. You must respect yourself. If she is telling you, that you can fool around too. It means on some level she still wants to be married. Its like she is on drugs. Exposure will sober her up. YOU HAVE TO BE STRONG.


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

You seem like a really good man and a devoted husband. I am sorry about your wife. Though she has basically destroyed your marriage and your trust in her, the marriage is still salvageable if you would like. 

My advice--Be the better man.

Continue to treat her with respect. Love her and seek to meet her needs. Work on changing any behaviors you might have that work against the relationship. Be the man that she fell in love with. Do this persistantly and diligently and she might start getting confused. While she may be "in love" (or whatever you call it) with the OM, she may begin to see her husband in a new light. Going this route would definitely be difficult (though worth it), but choosing to end the marriage may also be necessary. 

Good luck.


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## themarriedwoman (Apr 6, 2010)

Hi dannyboy1, Well there's one way u can do perhaps u can sit down and talk to her, ask her expectation and make sure both u and ur wife make ur expectation clear, and one thing that is constant is change, so do some necessary changes. 

there must be something that is missing that is why your wife is behaving such a way. If she is really serious to patch things up and if u re serious of not letting her go..i suggest both of u to read *"speed of trust"* written by Stephen m.r covey so that u both can start a new chapter in ur marriage. 

Just my two cents..cheers..


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

Dannyboy1 said:


> I really want to beat the living hell out of the OM. He took her away from me.


He didn't take her. She left. And she doesn't feel bad about it.

I wish I could tell you something more positive, but I can't. If she does stop seeing this guy, she'll just do the same thing with some other guy later on.

You have to decide whether you want that. If not, then you don't want her.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

She really is obsessed with him right now, and can't think clearly. Stop begging her, because the more you beg her, the more you give her power over you. From you actions You are telling her, that whatever you do I want you back. Let her know that there are some limits that both of you have to respect in order to be together. 
He didn't took her way from you. Why don't you try to analyze what pushed her to do what she is doing. There is something missing in your relationship, and you have to find it out. Talk with her. Try to be a better man, but stop begging her. If she still doesn't want to talk, or make this relationship work, then you better live separated for a while. Maybe then, she will realize, what she really wants. If she still doesn't, divorce is the only option.  It's good that in this difficult moment you are going through, there are no kids involved.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

I think #1 is you need to decide do you want to live like you currently are? I'm hoping the answer there is no - for your own good.

Now you need to open up lines of communication with her. Tell her what feel but in a firm loving way, not a begging way, not a demanding way.

It may go something like this "I want you to know I love you, part of me wants to just end this now, but there is the other part that is just enamored with you. That said however I am not willing to remain married to you if this is what it will be like. I am not so gullible as to say it is all your fault as there must have been something you felt you weren't getting from me to make you stray. The trick is as long as you are in contact with him you are putting your energy into that relationship not ours. So the choice is yours at this point. Do you want to totally end that relationship and work on ours, or end ours and work on that one? I would like to go to counseling together so we can work on us. I really would love for you to respect me enough to give me a direct answer but if not, I will just go by your actions - if you contact him again I will assume that is the choice you have made."

Of course put your own into it. but you need to be firm, not mean, do not threaten, just be firm - almost businesslike. AND you need to live by your words!

Trust me I KNOW this isn't easy. but in the end all will be better, however that end may be. This is the best way to be fair to yourself and to be an upstanding gentleman imo.

Best Wishes!


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## Keely (Apr 25, 2010)

Your wife has asked you for an open marriage, she has not asked you for a Divorce. I think she is enjoying the extra attention from flirting on the internet, and she is not alone - hundreds of thousands of married men and women are flirting all over the world, thinking it is harmless and not thinking it is true adultery. 

It is a craze that is sweeping the internet, something modern young people are doing, casting aside the old dating and marriage rules.

Your wife is wanting to act out her fantasies with her boyfriend, and is saying you can do so with a girlfriend of your own.

Your wife has resolved that she wants an open marriage, and I don't expect her to "recover from her addiction" anytime soon.

She will meet and have sex with the guys out of curiosity, but it does not necessarily mean she will fall out of love with you, as you are her main squeeze and provider.

Hopefully, you can talk to her often with passing critique onto her - try to understand her needs without threatening divorce, and gently talk about your expectations from the marriage.

She sounds determined to act on her primal needs.


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