# Confused



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Hi there - first time poster here, hoping to get some insight. 
Recently, I mentioned to my husband of one year, the idea of having another couple over to play Trivial Pursuit (he'd mentioned the game). They are the parents of my 11 year old's best friend and a few years younger than us. He said, "You can have anyone over during the week that you want to." 
(He works out of town during the week, so I'm alone with my daughter and teenage (troublesome) stepson. He could tell that something troubled me about his comment. He's very defensive a lot of time and I have to be very cautious when I admit that something is bothering me because he can easily take what I say personally and get very angry. 
So, I explained to him that it concerned me that he was basically telling me I couldn't invite anyone over on the weekends, while he's at home. He asked who I'd invite over (we don't know many people here) and I said I didn't know, possibly the couple I mentioned. He then said that I knew he was antisocial and didn't want to interact with others. He said that if I invited anyone over and they stayed 2 or 3 hours, that was that much less time we had for one another on the weekends. He said that I knew he'd be uncomfortable if I forced him to interact with others. He said that in his last marriage, he would go out with friends on occasion, but his then wife wanted him to have his friends come to their house instead of going out, so she could be a part of the socializing. He said he didn't like it, but did it to keep her happy. 
I see a couple of issues with what he told me but would like to see what others have to say. 
Thoughts and advice are appreciated.


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

How long did you date?


----------



## Loveontherocks (Oct 17, 2016)

Hi there. Perhaps there's a reason he seems antisocial, he could have social anxiety, does he have this with other people he isn't overly familiar with? I get why the comment about the wife wanting to be involved with his social group upset you, is it perhaps because he did that even though he didn't want to just to make her happy......but won't have another couple over for a games night just to make you happy?

I get that you want to be social with other people who are in the same sort of stages of life you and you H are at, married couples with kids and so on. It's nice to have friends over who not only are company for you but their kids can be company for you kids.

Really try and explain to your H why the comment about his previous marriage upset you and explain to him that socialising with this couple wouldn't be every weekend, just now and again, so you will still have plenty of quality time as a couple. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> How long did you date?


One year.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Loveontherocks said:


> Hi there. Perhaps there's a reason he seems antisocial, he could have social anxiety, does he have this with other people he isn't overly familiar with? I get why the comment about the wife wanting to be involved with his social group upset you, is it perhaps because he did that even though he didn't want to just to make her happy......but won't have another couple over for a games night just to make you happy?
> 
> I get that you want to be social with other people who are in the same sort of stages of life you and you H are at, married couples with kids and so on. It's nice to have friends over who not only are company for you but their kids can be company for you kids.
> 
> ...


He doesn't have social anxiety. He's just antisocial. I'm actually the one with anxiety, lol. Neither of us like crowds but he doesn't get anxious like I do. To be honest, I have no desire to be a social butterfly. But I really like this couple because they have good family values. They don't know anyone here either. It's not like I'm interested in having them over all the time and he is aware of this. Once every few weeks would be grand! 
And yes, you're correct. His comment about making his ex happy really hurt me. He could have crowds of people over quite often to make HER happy, but refuses to allow anyone in our home on occasion because of his own dislikes. 
As for talking to him about his comment hurting me...I'm not sure it would be worth it. He's thin-skinned and defensive. He angers easily if he feels like he's being attacked. And anything that's negative is an attack on him in his mind.


----------



## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

I sort of see his point if he works out of town because your time together is so limited. And if you are both not that social it might turn out kind of awkward.

Maybe you should just see if you and the wife could develop a friendship first by getting together during the week. If you both gel then you could suggest extending it as a couple maybe once every 6 weeks. That might make a couples night flow more smoothly if you two develop a friendship.

As for what he did for his last wife, if that is something that contributed to the breakup then it wouldn't be wise to just blindly demand that he do something for you that was a sore spot before.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

It's possible that he's an introvert, while he's working and being out of town it could be very taxing on his energy levels. Home is his safe place, the place where he can relax and recharge his batteries, introverts can become very protective of their safe place. (I'm an introvert and have did research to see why I am the way I am) If his mind works like mine Saturday is his only real "off" day. Friday he returns home after being gone all week, last thing he want's is to come and have to entertain people, and Sunday his brain is already clicking along gearing up for the coming week, again he doesn't want to be distracted by having people over. So that leaves Saturday, the only day he can "kind of" shut his brain off and relax, so he doesn't want to give that up. 

Also you two have different lives, you are home all week dealing with kids and the day to day issues, you are looking for a distraction or an escape. Your husband is gone all week, his escape from his day to day life is being home, away from his 5/24 work week.

Regardless of the reasons you need a compromise, or should I say he needs to compromise, I don't think you are asking for to much. Also for the kids social well being it's important to socialize with other families, they need that exposure to mature and learn how to integrate themselves into the world, well maybe they don't "need" it, but it sure helps. 

If your husband flat out refuses to be social you will need to develop a social life without him, I'm sure that's not how you wanted married life to be but that's your reality.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

thefam said:


> I sort of see his point if he works out of town because your time together is so limited. And if you are both not that social it might turn out kind of awkward.
> 
> Maybe you should just see if you and the wife could develop a friendship first by getting together during the week. If you both gel then you could suggest extending it as a couple maybe once every 6 weeks. That might make a couples night flow more smoothly if you two develop a friendship.
> 
> As for what he did for his last wife, if that is something that contributed to the breakup then it wouldn't be wise to just blindly demand that he do something for you that was a sore spot before.


Well, he's saying no to ANY guests on the weekend ever. There won't be a future couples thing at ANY point. 
As far as what broke up his last marriage...that was infidelity.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Cooper said:


> It's possible that he's an introvert, while he's working and being out of town it could be very taxing on his energy levels. Home is his safe place, the place where he can relax and recharge his batteries, introverts can become very protective of their safe place. (I'm an introvert and have did research to see why I am the way I am) If his mind works like mine Saturday is his only real "off" day. Friday he returns home after being gone all week, last thing he want's is to come and have to entertain people, and Sunday his brain is already clicking along gearing up for the coming week, again he doesn't want to be distracted by having people over. So that leaves Saturday, the only day he can "kind of" shut his brain off and relax, so he doesn't want to give that up.
> 
> Also you two have different lives, you are home all week dealing with kids and the day to day issues, you are looking for a distraction or an escape. Your husband is gone all week, his escape from his day to day life is being home, away from his 5/24 work week.
> 
> ...


I can see the point in some of the things you've mentioned. 
Allow me share some further information. 
He comes home on Thursday night. I've arranged to be off work on Fridays so we have an extra day together (also, kids are in school so we're alone a good part of the day). I lose a days pay for the privilege of being off on Friday so he and I have more time together. This is what our Saturday usually consists of: 
I make brunch and clean up while he watches TV. I do laundry, while he's watching TV.
Later, I cook dinner while he's watching TV. He comes down to eat and afterward, he goes to watch TV while I clean up and do dishes. After I'm done, he usually wants me to watch TV with him. I'll watch for a while (not a fan of watching too much TV) and then go get ready for bed. That Saturday routine covers about 90% of our Saturdays. 
On Sunday, I get up to spend some time with him and then I make brunch so he can have a home cooked meal before he heads back to his apartment around noon (it's a five hour drive). For the next four days, I will work and deal with the household stuff and the kids. The reason we live separately is so his son could remain at the high school he is in. I was asked, and agreed to stay behind so the kid wouldn't have to go live with his mother if we moved. I won't go into detail, but I've made HUGE personal sacrifices for my husband (and keeping his child cared for and happy). 
I don't think having a couple over once every couple of months is asking much.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Does he wear a wedding ring?


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

What about having friends over for night during the week? For example, they come over with the kids on Wednesday. You all have pizza or do a pot luck dinner and play a board game, cards, watch a movie, go to a museum, or whatever. If you want adult time to chat without the kids right there listening, the kids can keep each other occupied in another room. If you don't want to feel like a 3rd wheel, add other friends and family members to the group. The evening ends at a reasonable hour so everyone gets their beauty sleep. You get your social interaction and your DH doesn't have to deal with guest during his home time. Win-Win.

When I was growing up, my parents did that kind of thing all the time and it was a lot of fun. When my kids were young, I did it, too. Friends would come over, we'd share a meal, the kids would go off to play in the living room or their bedrooms, and the adults would hang out in the basement family room. I'd clean up the adult debris, but the kids all understood that they had to clean up their messes before the evening ended, so there wasn't very much extra housework at all. Sometimes we'd have as many as 8-10 adults and 15+ kids running around. It was a blast!


----------



## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

evewasframed5 said:


> I can see the point in some of the things you've mentioned.
> Allow me share some further information.
> He comes home on Thursday night. I've arranged to be off work on Fridays so we have an extra day together (also, kids are in school so we're alone a good part of the day). I lose a days pay for the privilege of being off on Friday so he and I have more time together. This is what our Saturday usually consists of:
> I make brunch and clean up while he watches TV. I do laundry, while he's watching TV.
> ...


No, it's not. No wonder you are upset!

Is it worth it to you to stay married? 

The benefits to him seem clear. What are the benefits to you?


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> Does he wear a wedding ring?


Yes.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

There are just a lot of flags waving to me. What do you anticipate ever getting out of this marriage? Right now, he is using you as a full-time babysitter, maid and cook - to your detriment. He doesn't want to establish friendships with other couples. If he does have friends, he will go out with them and leave you sitting at home. It sounds like he wants to live a single lifestyle when he chooses and doesn't want to be a 'couple' with you (or his ex). Did you realize this before saying 'I do'?


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

jld said:


> No, it's not. No wonder you are upset!
> 
> Is it worth it to you to stay married?
> 
> The benefits to him seem clear. What are the benefits to you?


Financial mostly. I have no doubt he loves me - I want to make that clear. And I truly love him. I don't want to leave him - I just want him to stop bullying me and being so controlling.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> There are just a lot of flags waving to me. What do you anticipate ever getting out of this marriage? Right now, he is using you as a full-time babysitter, maid and cook - to your detriment. He doesn't want to establish friendships with other couples. If he does have friends, he will go out with them and leave you sitting at home. It sounds like he wants to live a single lifestyle when he chooses and doesn't want to be a 'couple' with you (or his ex). Did you realize this before saying 'I do'?


No, I didn't. Most of the baggage I'm seeing now has all come to light after we were married. There are soooo many other things I could mention, but it would be pointless.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What do the next five years of your life look like to you? Do they look appealing and fulfilling? Are you excited about them?


----------



## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Who was the unfaithful one? Him?

And tell us the other things. They are relevant. You will get better advice the more you tell.


----------



## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Eve, well, now I can see why you "liked" my 12/25 post in Rsting's thread. If you would like to discuss the red flags in your H's behavior, it would be very helpful if you would tell us which of the 18 warning signs you found to be very familiar.


----------



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

evewasframed5 said:


> Financial mostly. I have no doubt he loves me - I want to make that clear. And I truly love him. I don't want to leave him - I just want him to stop bullying me and being so controlling.


"bullying and controlling" are very different labels than a guy who just isn't social. 

Right now you are a tad resentful he's not concerned about your wants and needs, over time that resentment will only get worse. I'm not sure how you can get him to compromise without playing hardball, you can only talk and ask so many times and obviously he isn't interested. I would suggest inviting people over, tell him early in the week that "Sat. we are having company", he will either step up and socialize and possibly enjoy himself or possibly not come home that weekend, that decisions on him. 

I'm not sure what your other options would be, if you don't build a social life of your own that tad of resentment you feel now will turn to anger and hate in the coming years.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Uptown said:


> Eve, well, now I can see why you "liked" my 12/25 post in Rsting's thread. If you would like to discuss the red flags in your H's behavior, it would be very helpful if you would tell us which of the 18 warning signs you found to be very familiar.


3-12, 14 and 18. Most of the others to some degree. 
In all fairness, I have some abandonment issues myself (the poster above asked whose infidelity it was. It was his. He's already done the same to me once and blamed it on his low self esteem. Yes, I know people with low self esteem are more vulnerable to the feel good feelings they get when someone shows them attention.)
We also have issues with the children. They drive me crazy, but his need to be their friend instead of their father makes things very difficult and even dangerous for his two sons - ages 16 and 18. 
He also makes a marked difference between them and my 11 year old daughter. It doesn't bother all that much - I don't think most step parents feel the same toward their step kids as they do their bio kids. 
H and his ex and their kids kinda see me as a babysitter and that's about it as far as their children go.


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

evewasframed5 said:


> Financial mostly. I have no doubt he loves me - I want to make that clear. And I truly love him. I don't want to leave him - I just want him to stop bullying me and being so controlling.


From his point of view, you trying to force him to be social could be seen as bullying and controlling.

You said you love him and don't want to end the marriage, so the only solution I see is you have a social life separate from him.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

evewasframed5 said:


> Financial mostly. I have no doubt he loves me - I want to make that clear. And I truly love him. I don't want to leave him - I just want him to stop bullying me and being so controlling.


I assume it was his Ex that cheated. At least that is what he told you, right? I suspect she did cheat.

He gave her the same treatment...the controlling treatment. The sitting on the couch, not wanting to do anything treatment. The "having no friends" treatment. This "treatment" gets old after awhile.

This is not a marriage. Sorry.

You sound like a wonderful lady, a lady who is patient and kind and giving. You also sound co-dependent. You are also very easy to please...really easy to please. This husband of yours gives you scraps, yet you give him all that you have.

If his Ex wife did cheat on him it was very wrong. But I can see why she did it. Your husband is selfish and you are too forgiving, too nice. 

Tell him his bullying has to stop. Make your demands heard, loud and clear.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> From his point of view, you trying to force him to be social could be seen as bullying and controlling.
> 
> You said you love him and don't want to end the marriage, so *the only solution I see is you have a social life separate from him.*


This is good advice. It really is. Just because he is a toad it does not mean you have to gain his solitary warts.

I suspect his ex wife started to have a social life separate from him. In the process she "found" herself. She "found' that others enjoyed her company and her smile.

At some point she "found" herself in the arms of a loving man. She never looked back, after that.

Married women and men should never "find" themselves in solitary confinement. Not every woman is a social butterfly, however, every women needs a rose to gaze at, to smell and maybe nibble around the edges. That rose has a beard and three lower stems. Two long, one short.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

MJJEAN said:


> From his point of view, you trying to force him to be social could be seen as bullying and controlling.
> 
> You said you love him and don't want to end the marriage, so the only solution I see is you have a social life separate from him.


I didn't push the issue. He said he would feel uncomfortable having anyone over so I dropped the matter and accepted it. No bullying - I promise. 
As for having a social life apart from him, my concern is this:
He's trying to get a job back in this area. If he does, this means I can NEVER invite someone to my home for dinner, etc. 
It's a depressing thought, to be honest.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> I assume it was his Ex that cheated. At least that is what he told you, right? I suspect she did cheat.
> 
> He gave her the same treatment...the controlling treatment. The sitting on the couch, not wanting to do anything treatment. The "having no friends" treatment. This "treatment" gets old after awhile.
> 
> ...


He has admitted to me recently that he cheated on her more than once. He said that she cheated on him. Both of those statements are accurate. 
I
It's possible I have some codependency tendencies. I'm no longer who I was when
I met him. You'd think being fairly low maintenance and not too difficult to please would be an asset and appreciated. Seems I'm wrong about that.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

evewasframed5 said:


> He has admitted to me recently that he cheated on her more than once. He said that she cheated on him. Both of those statements are accurate.
> I
> It's possible I have some codependency tendencies. I'm no longer who I was when
> I met him. *You'd think being fairly low maintenance and not too difficult to please would be an asset and appreciated. Seems I'm wrong about that.*


NO!

Not true. Women who are low maintenance are God's gift to men. Seriously. Being low maintenance does not mean you allow a man to "use you". Love and generosity must be reciprocal.

He is not God's gift to women. He is high maintenance. You two are not compatible. What a shame.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

evewasframed5;17139345[B said:


> ]He has admitted to me recently that he cheated on her more than once.[/B] He said that she cheated on him. Both of those statements are accurate.
> I
> It's possible I have some codependency tendencies. I'm no longer who I was when
> I met him. You'd think being fairly low maintenance and not too difficult to please would be an asset and appreciated. Seems I'm wrong about that.


Be ever so careful....once a cheater, always a cheater, often applies.

The first time you cheat is the hardest. Thereafter, you feet are muddy. They never clean up afterward.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Be ever so careful....once a cheater, always a cheater, often applies.
> 
> The first time you cheat is the hardest. Thereafter, you feet are muddy. They never clean up afterward.


That's what my therapist told me. He said the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. I started seeing a therapist not long after I became responsible for my stepson and the realization that our lives are not going to be as it was implied to me and short of another divorce, there's nothing I can do. I'm not in a position to leave at this time (health and financial issues). I don't want to leave - I want things to change. 
I've asked him to go to therapy, either with me or alone. He didn't refuse, but said he needed to "wrap his head around it." So in essence, no. Or at least that's how I took it. His ex was no saint and I feel that I'm paying the price for the way she controlled him when they were married (about 17 years). One of the reasons he won't be more aggressive with consequences and discipline for his teens is because she was always very controlling with them also. He said he wants things "to be different for them at our house than when she cared for them."
Geez. Guess he thinks the complete opposite end of the spectrum is "different."


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Well, things are certainly different for them. He gets to stick you with all the responsibility and he gets to play Disney dad. Face it, this man is a cake-eating pro. How long had you been married when he cheated on you?

How long have you two been married?


----------



## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

evewasframed5 said:


> 3-12, 14 and 18. Most of the others to some degree.


Eve, you seem to be identifying a strong pattern of BPD behavioral traits. If so, you almost certainly are seeing strong occurrences of black-white thinking (items 1 and 2 on my list). It would be evident, for example, in his categorizing everyone as as "all good" ("with him") or "all bad" ("against him"). And you would see him occasionally recategorize someone from one polar extreme to the other -- in less than a minute -- based solely on a minor comment or action. 

BPDers (i.e, those with strong and persistent traits) are too emotionally immature to be willing to tolerate having strong mixed feelings toward anyone. An example of this B-W thinking toward other people is the way he can flip, in seconds, between adoring you or devaluing you. That is item #5 on the list -- an item you identify as being strong and persistent.

Significantly, when a BPDer flips and starts perceiving you as black, his love for you is not gone. It does not disappear. Rather, his subconscious puts the love completely out of reach of the conscious mind -- i.e., it "splits off" the love from his conscious thinking. In that way, he has the much simpler task of having to deal with only one intense feeling (e.g., love or hate) at a time. 

Like young children, BPDers do this B-W thinking (called "splitting") to avoid having to deal with ambiguities, uncertainties, strong conflicting feelings, and the other gray areas of interpersonal relationships. When your DD11 was a young child, this B-W thinking would have been evident in the way she would adore Mommy when you were bringing out the toys but -- in seconds -- would flip to hating Mommy when you took one away.



> I have some codependency tendencies. I'm no longer who I was when I met him.


If he is a BPDer, he was able to accept the "true YOU" throughout the courtship period only because his infatuation held his two great fears -- abandonment and engulfment -- at bay. Yet, as soon as that infatuation started evaporating, both fears returned and it was impossible for you to avoid triggering them.

You therefore started walking on eggshells, i.e., not being your true self but, instead, being what he expected you to be at any moment in time. Although this does not enable you to completely avoid triggering his fears, it does reduce the frequency of the triggering somewhat. The other primary result, of course, is that you will start forgetting who the "real You" is after you've been acting out of character year after year.



> In all fairness, I have some abandonment issues myself (the poster above asked whose infidelity it was. It was his.


We all have abandonment fears to some degree. The issue, then, is not whether your H exhibits a fear of abandonment. Of course he does. Everyone does. Rather, at issue is whether his abandonment fear is particularly strong and persistent, which would be evident for example in his exhibiting strong irrational jealousy or being very controlling over your personal life.

To be clear, having a fear of abandonment after your H has cheated on both you and his exW does not imply you have an irrational abandonment issue. Instead, it only implies you're not stupid.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> Well, things are certainly different for them. He gets to stick you with all the responsibility and he gets to play Disney dad. Face it, this man is a cake-eating pro. How long had you been married when he cheated on you?
> 
> How long have you two been married?


We dated for one year and have been married for a year. 
Near as I can tell, the physical cheating started when he started living and working out of town. I'm sure me being miserable over his kids probably contributed to him being unhappy. I'm not excusing it - there is no excuse. Just giving some background info.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Uptown said:


> Eve, you seem to be identifying a strong pattern of BPD behavioral traits. If so, you almost certainly are seeing strong occurrences of black-white thinking (items 1 and 2 on my list). It would be evident, for example, in his categorizing everyone as as "all good" ("with him") or "all bad" ("against him"). And you would see him occasionally recategorize someone from one polar extreme to the other -- in less than a minute -- based solely on a minor comment or action.
> 
> BPDers (i.e, those with strong and persistent traits) are too emotionally immature to be willing to tolerate having strong mixed feelings toward anyone. An example of this B-W thinking toward other people is the way he can flip, in seconds, between adoring you or devaluing you. That is item #5 on the list -- an item you identify as being strong and persistent.
> 
> ...


I want to reply in detail to this very informative information, but will have to return a little later. 
Thank you so much (everyone) for taking the time to reply. <3


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I'm not sensing any anger from you. And, I'm angry for you. The nerve of him!

When you are together, does he take you out to dinner, shows etc.? In short, is he ever seen in public with you?


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> I'm not sensing any anger from you. *And, I'm angry for you*. The nerve of him!
> 
> When you are together, does he take you out to dinner, shows etc.? In short, is he ever seen in public with you?


I think a lot of TAMMERs get these feelings of anger, sometime sadness and especially frustration when reading these posts from our virtual mutual travelers.

I know I do. These stories can ruin your day. If you have enough empathy, of course!

But when they turn their lives around, especially when some of the TAM posters have a small part in their recovery, it brings a modicum of joy to many of us Avatars.


----------



## evewasframed5 (Jan 2, 2017)

Blondilocks said:


> I'm not sensing any anger from you. And, I'm angry for you. The nerve of him!
> 
> When you are together, does he take you out to dinner, shows etc.? In short, is he ever seen in public with you?


Lol...my therapist and I have worked hard on keeping my anger over these things from consuming me. So I'm HAPPY that the anger isn't boiling over anymore. 
In answer to your question, yes - he takes me places, spends time with me, buys me things on occasion. 
Unfortunately, the good he does isn't outweighing the bad. 
Probably the one thing that keeps us at odds, is his inability to discuss issues instead of acting like he's being attacked. He doesn't know how to fight in a healthy way. He screams, insults me and then walks off (says he's not going to fight). 
Everyone knows that's the opposite of what someone should do because nothing EVER gets resolved and it festers. That anger festering is part of the reason I see a therapist.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You need to have a time frame to work against.

He needs to know that if things do not improve during the period then the marriage is Kaputski.

Give him the list of things that must improve. Ask him to provide a list of things he needs from you. It should be a short list!

Put him on notice....see if he notices. See if it is in him to noticeably change for the better.

I wish you the best! Happy 2017.


----------

