# Husband wont sign papers but now is sleeping with someone



## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

So I have been having an emotional affair for the past 3 months with someone who lives 2500 miles away. We have only texted and talked on phone, no visits yet. In the state of PA, communication only with the opposite sex does not equal affair. You have to be sleeping with them or staying overnight which is the same thing in the courts here. 

Anyway, I filed for divorce a few weeks ago but my husband ripped up the papers. So I had them resubmitted again and he knew they were coming. So what did he do? He called an ex gf who lives in Rhode Island. This morning he rented a car to drive there and spend the weekend with her. 

So now I really have some ammo against my husband. I think the papers should arrive today or tomorrow by certified mail and I have no idea if he will sign them or not when he gets back in town on Monday. But with his latest move, is there anything else I can do to move this divorce along?

Another thing... we have two kids. So he just left our family to spend a few days with this woman....


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

How does it feel?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why would she care either way? She wants a divorce; he's the one that tore up the papers and then banged someone. I can see that you wish her pain thanks to your bitterness, but all the idiot did was give her ammunition.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PAgirl said:


> So now I really have some ammo against my husband.


Excuse me? You admitted yourself to cheating on your husband.

Pot, kettle? 

Nonetheless, a judge will sign for him. Or you could do a divorce by publication.

There is always a way.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Thanks lifeistooshort! Its too much to go into details all over again but I have a history of posts on this website that Ive explained why Im divorcing. My husband is physically abusive so its taken some courage from me to finally do something about it. Because of lonliness, I did start talking to someone else. Its not right, but it happened. But the fact is, my marriage has been over for years and I really needed to finally cut the cord. Its not like I threw a good husband away.

And yes, I wanted to explain in my original post WHY my husband did what he did. He is rebounding because he is hurt by me talking to the OM. And hurt because I want out of this marriage finally.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you have a lawyer you can always ask for guidance.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Also to add, he flat out REFUSES to move out of our home. I wonder if I can move that process along too. The home is more in my name than his. And I make much more income which means I can afford the mortgage and he cannot. I would like him to get an apt closeby so he can see the kids as much as possible. But he wont have any of it.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> If you have a lawyer you can always ask for guidance.


I do. But they charge so damn much. Just getting some opinons. If I think its worth asking, I will contact her.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

Hold on, you are having an EA with someone that lives 2500 miles away from you. While I don't have an issue with that I think you need to think of something:

1. This is someone you have never met that you are ending your marriage for. If you were already single this wouldn't be an issue.

2. You are condemning your husband for leaving you and your two children to go to Rhode Island which is by no means 2500 miles away from PA. How do you plan to continue this relationship you have without doing even worse?

You are both playing games. I would suggest you both stop and take care of ending your marriage in a civilized way before this gets out of hand. No matter what their age, the only ones to get hurt are usually the children when parents act this way.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Why would she care either way? She wants a divorce; he's the one that tore up the papers and then banged someone. I can see that you wish her pain thanks to your bitterness, but all the idiot did was give her ammunition.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There is no proof he banged anyone. Only her accusation.

Why isn't OP asking her attorney these legal questions?

I do get a kick out of this, though

*"So he just left our family to spend a few days with this woman...."*

OP, you wanted him gone, and you got what you wanted.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I didn't see your post about the abuse. I'm sorry for that but I stand by what I say, you need to end this marriage civilly.

Being he's abusive you probably have no choice but to involve a lawyer. You can't reason with someone like that. Look into free legal services in your area if you cannot afford a lawyer.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PAgirl said:


> I do. But they charge so damn much. Just getting some opinons. If I think its worth asking, I will contact her.


I mean, you are paying her so I would definitely ask her what to do.

But the bottom line is: he doesn't have to agree to a divorce. In the end, a judge WILL sign for him.

If he bounces or leaves and makes his whereabouts unknown, you can have a divorce by publication.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

"Another thing... we have two kids. So he just left our family to spend a few days with this woman...." 

You betrayed them for a longer time, an EA is still an affair.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

PAgirl said:


> So now I really have some ammo against my husband.


Do affairs even matter in divorces in your state? Also, I would think you'd have a hard time proving that he banged anybody.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> There is no proof he banged anyone. Only her accusation.
> 
> Why isn't OP asking her attorney these legal questions?
> 
> ...


She's just moved into the victim chair.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

I guess Im not getting anywhere here. I will ask my lawyer. My real problem is that he is not moving out of the house and there is too much hostility for us to continue to live under the same roof. So Im hoping him doing this, I will have some legal right to have him forced out. 

I dont agree with the posters saying I betrayed my kids because I began an EA. My kids have not been neglected in any way. My communication with someone began as friends but moved into a romantic zone. That does not make me a bad parent suddenly.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Well you hurt your husband, dystroyed your marriage, now looking to kick him out. You where the one having the affair and yes that hurts the kids, it actually has ruined thier lives. Now their lives have forever changed. But, tell yourself what you want.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

I never said it did but how do you plan on carrying this out with the person being 2500 miles away? 

As for him leaving the house, read all the posts her. The first piece of advice given - don't leave the home because it can work against you in the divorce.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why should he leave if you are the one that had the affair?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

thunderstruck said:


> Do affairs even matter in divorces in your state? *Also, I would think you'd have a hard time proving that he banged anybody*.


Unintentionally funny, Thunder. :rofl:

PA - your lawyer can most definitely answer your questions.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

JB is right.

Most of us are here because we've been lied to and/or cheated on.

We all have a low tolerance for any of that.

Your lawyer is your best bet.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Why should he leave if you are the one that had the affair?


Because he cannot pay the mortgage! the house would be in foreclosure in no time!


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

smallsteps said:


> JB is right.
> 
> Most of us are here because we've been lied to and/or cheated on.
> 
> ...


Understandable. 

FYI: I never cheated once in 8 years of putting up with his abuse! He is not exactly a victim, sorry!


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

PAgirl said:


> So I have been having an emotional affair for the past 3 months with someone who lives 2500 miles away. We have only texted and talked on phone, no visits yet. In the state of PA, communication only with the opposite sex does not equal affair. You have to be sleeping with them or staying overnight which is the same thing in the courts here.
> 
> Anyway, I filed for divorce a few weeks ago but my husband ripped up the papers. So I had them resubmitted again and he knew they were coming. So what did he do? He called an ex gf who lives in Rhode Island. This morning he rented a car to drive there and spend the weekend with her.
> 
> ...


This may not stand up legally as an "affair", but in terms of morality, I think it would in the eyes of many.

When you filed for divorce you made it clear that you no longer want him. In doing so you've given him licence to see other women. Why are you concerned about this if you don't want him?

"So now I really have some ammo against my husband" - Too many people treat divorce like warfare. Enough pain is caused for both parties, any children involved, and to an extent the families of the divorcees. Making it a battle just makes things harder in the long run. Try to remain civil. So what if he's banging another chick. So what if he's doing it to hurt you. Why should you care? You don't want him. If on some level you do want him, then don't rise to it and pursue the divorce in a civil manner.

You left your husband and kids when you began your EA three months ago. Not physically, but emotionally. How do you plan to make it a PA without leaving them physically and doing exactly what your H is doing?


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

pagirl said:


> understandable.
> 
> Fyi: I've been cheating on him for the past three months.


fify.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Well you hurt your husband, dystroyed your marriage, now looking to kick him out. You where the one having the affair and yes that hurts the kids, it actually has ruined thier lives. Now their lives have forever changed. But, tell yourself what you want.


My kids would be horribly damaged if they remained in the house while daddy hit mommy and watching that and seeing two parents very hostile towards each other. Matter of fact, my 7 year old is already affected and is in counseling. I am doing them a favor by getting a divorce in my opinion.


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## smallsteps (Feb 23, 2013)

If things are that bad then yes you are doing the right thing.

Consult your lawyer and get your divorce.

If you are doing it for someone who lives 2500 miles away who you've known for 3 months then it's wrong.

Again bottom line, to most of us, cheating is cheating.

And if your husband can't pay the mortgage how does the situation change with him out of the house? You can't force him to pay for it. The courts will decide on payments and splitting marital assets.


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