# 1 simple question (Bar related)



## dazedandfrustrated

Wife and I are at a bar, I walk out of the bar to try to break up an altercation. I come back and my wife is at the bar talking to another guy..It upset me..We have been married for almost 20 years so it is not really a jealously thing I just feel it is disrespectful and she is either naive to what guys want or doesn't care.

I am going to add this...There were plenty of seats at the bar to sit at. He was in a different seat or walking around the bar. I went outside and I came back in and he took my seat talking to my wife..That is all I know. 

HERE IS THE MAIN THING....I just thought it was disrespectful for HIM to take my seat and for HER TO LET HIM

Like to hear from both women and men please

Should I be upset?


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## Blondilocks

Was she flirting or just passing the time?


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## katiecrna

No you shouldn’t be upset.


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## personofinterest

Blondilocks said:


> Was she flirting or just passing the time?


This. Theres a difference between casual stranger chit chat and flirting.

If it was casual chit chat then yeah, you're overreacting. If she was giggling, leaning in, touching him, etc. that's dufferent.

Has she ever in the 20 years betrayed you? If not, then yeah, you need to chill. If so, then she should have a plan to shut down.prosoective bar conversations.


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## 269370

dazedandfrustrated said:


> Wife and I are at a bar....


It better be funny.



dazedandfrustrated said:


> I walk out of the bar to try to break up an altercation. I come back and my wife is at the bar talking to another guy..


Dammit.


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## Prodigal

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I come back and my wife is at the bar talking to another guy..It upset me... I just feel it is disrespectful and she is either naive to what guys want or doesn't care.


You guys were in a bar. People fraternize, even with total strangers, in bars. If they were doing nothing more than talking, I say it's no big deal. You give no details to go on. Sure, he may have had something more on his mind than just a friendly chat. But I doubt your wife is naïve as to what men want. I also doubt she is being disrespectful or "doesn't care." I mean, c'mon ... she was just talking to another bar patron, right? Do you know the subject of their conversation? Did it look like they were flirting with each other?

With all I've got to go on, which is almost NOTHING, I would say NO. She was sitting there waiting for you to return and struck up a conversation.

P.S. - I am a woman. And you sound a bit jealous/suspicious to me. However, I don't know your story, so that's all I've got ....


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## Suspicious1

"I walk out of the bar to try to break up an altercation. I come back and my wife is at the bar talking to another guy.."


So you're out saving the world and she doesn't care or concern what's happening with you?
These things tend to turn at light speed and she's else where chatting it up! 

Nice.



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## personofinterest

Suspicious1 said:


> "I walk out of the bar to try to break up an altercation. I come back and my wife is at the bar talking to another guy.."
> 
> 
> So you're out saving the world and she doesn't care or concern what's happening with you?
> These things tend to turn at light speed and she's else where chatting it up!
> 
> Nice.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


The projection is strong here. What was she supposed to do, go out brandishing a pump?

There is NOTHING to indicate inappropriate behavior except that she's female.


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## Lostinthought61

can you please provide context to what the guy wanted ?


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## Diana7

Its impossible to say what happened here. Maybe the man asked her a question or they were just being generally polite and friendly. If they were flirting then that is different. 
More info needed. Did he approach her? Did she leave her seat and approach him? Where was she sitting when you left her there? Had she moved? Had he moved?


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## Suspicious1

personofinterest said:


> The projection is strong here. What was she supposed to do, go out brandishing a pump?
> 
> There is NOTHING to indicate inappropriate behavior except that she's female.


How about a little support, an extra pair of of eyes just incase things go south.

I've in situation were my wife has jump behind a paddy wagon to make sure the cops has gotten the right story. This after I've told her to go home. 

I'm just saying stand by your man.

S1

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## The Middleman

We would need more information, particularly what happened when you returned. However, I can understand you being upset; I wouldn’t want to come back and see my wife chatting it up with another guy. Have you talked it out with her?


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## dazedandfrustrated

Not sure if she was flirting because I wasn't there.


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## dazedandfrustrated

Not sure what she doing I wasn't there. As far as I know she hasn't betrayed me. I am going to add something that may or may not make a difference.. I guess I just edit


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## dazedandfrustrated

I added something to the post


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## dazedandfrustrated

Not sure how forums work I am going to add something that may or may not make a difference.. I guess I just edit


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## TRy

dazedandfrustrated said:


> Wife and I are at a bar, I walk out of the bar to try to break up an altercation. I come back and my wife is at the bar talking to another guy. It upset me.


I have a very attractive wife that takes care of how she looks. On date nights we often sit at the bar and she dresses up for the night. It is thus very common that other men will be talking to her when I get arrive. As long as there is no flirting by her, or touching by anyone, and as long as she does not let anyone sit in my seat, it does not bother me at all. In fact, I do not blame them for trying, as I would do the same if I were them. My favorite part is how she treats me when I arrive, making it clear that she is there with me, and that I am her guy. Not only does it not bother me, I often end up befriending them, and we have someone new to chat with.


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## dazedandfrustrated

That is the thing the guy did take my seat I tried to just add that but I have never used a forum before so unclear how all this works.


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## TRy

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I am going to add something that may or may not make a difference.. I guess I just edit


 It make no difference that you added that “I am going to add this...There were plenty of seats at the bar to sit at he wasn't sitting there when I left. If he were there when I left I could not care any less.”


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## dazedandfrustrated

Yeah plus he wasn't sitting there before and he took my seat


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## dazedandfrustrated

Blondilocks said:


> Was she flirting or just passing the time?





Lostinthought61 said:


> can you please provide context to what the guy wanted ?


I hope I am doing this right not sure how to use a forum but all I know is he was sitting at the bar. I went outside and I came back in and he took my sit talking to my wife..That is all I know. I just thought it was disrespectful for HIM to take my sit and for her to let him.


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## Lostinthought61

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I hope I am doing this right not sure how to use a forum but all I know is he was sitting at the bar. I went outside and I came back in and he took my sit talking to my wife..That is all I know. I just thought it was disrespectful for HIM to take my sit and for her to let him.


So why didn't your wife say excuse me but that is taken by my husband, and he would have gotten the message.


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## dazedandfrustrated

Diana7 said:


> Its impossible to say what happened here. Maybe the man asked her a question or they were just being generally polite and friendly. If they were flirting then that is different.
> More info needed. Did he approach her? Did she leave her seat and approach him? Where was she sitting when you left her there? Had she moved? Had he moved?


He took my seat when he was sitting in another seat before I left


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## dazedandfrustrated

Lostinthought61 said:


> So why didn't your wife say excuse me but that is taken by my husband, and he would have gotten the message.


That is what I expected her to do, that is all just thought is was disrespectful


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## dazedandfrustrated

Blondilocks said:


> Was she flirting or just passing the time?


I don't know if she was flirting. I went outside and I came back in and he took my sit talking to my wife..That is all I know. I just thought it was disrespectful for HIM to take my seat and for HER TO LET HIM


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## dazedandfrustrated

Blondilocks said:


> Was she flirting or just passing the time?


I doubt she was flirting but the point is the guy was in a different seat and when I came back in he took my seat and SHE LET HIM


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## happyhusband0005

Your are overreacting, I would guess you have some minor, maybe hidden or subconscious insecurities. If I got upset every time a guy came on to my wife I would be upset every time I left her alone at a bar for more than 3 minutes. Here's what you do in these situations (and maybe this is what you did). You just walk back in and very nonchalantly introduce yourself to the guy and mention you just had to break up a fight outside. Either he is just an outgoing guy who talks to everyone he sees, or he was hitting on your wife in which case he will probably try to find a dignified way to exit the situation. Either way unless you have reason to doubt your wife, or if you think your wife is really dumb and would start getting cozy with a guy when your 100 feet away, the situation ends with her feeling good about herself because a stranger found her hot enough to come hit on her. 

The situation is something you should look at as to why it has upset you. Is there something else going on in you relationship that would make you feel doubtful or insecure? 

Here's the thing, when you have a sexy wife you need to get use to guys hitting on them when your not around. For me I think it's great. My wife doesn't give much value to me telling her she's hot for the 50,000th time. But a stranger telling her makes her feel sexy, when she feels sexy she gets extra SEXY. It's a win win. 

Think of it this way, did you have any doubt she was leaving with you that night, of course you didn't, so why do you care?


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## Lostinthought61

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I doubt it but the point is the guy was in a different seat and when I came back in he took my seat and SHE LET HIM


that there is the crux of the issue, not him but her behavior in just letting him sit there instead of telling him that you were her husband and you would be right back...your right that is disrespectful 

if she is okay to doing that to you are you okay doing that to her? i bet not. 

you need to call her out on that crap. how long have you been married and what is the stat of your marriage?


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## Diana7

Can you tell us what her explanation was?


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## CharlieParker

*Re: 1 simple question edited*

What kind of an establishment was it that you needed to intervene in an altercation? Were there no bouncers or mall security?


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## The Middleman

Did you discuss it with her? If not, are you going to? Just ask her what happened? You should discuss it with her. What happened when you got back, did he leave or did you ask him to leave?


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## dazedandfrustrated

happyhusband0005 said:


> Your are overreacting, I would guess you have some minor, maybe hidden or subconscious insecurities. If I got upset every time a guy came on to my wife I would be upset every time I left her alone at a bar for more than 3 minutes. Here's what you do in these situations (and maybe this is what you did). You just walk back in and very nonchalantly introduce yourself to the guy and mention you just had to break up a fight outside. Either he is just an outgoing guy who talks to everyone he sees, or he was hitting on your wife in which case he will probably try to find a dignified way to exit the situation. Either way unless you have reason to doubt your wife, or if you think your wife is really dumb and would start getting cozy with a guy when your 100 feet away, the situation ends with her feeling good about herself because a stranger found her hot enough to come hit on her.
> 
> The situation is something you should look at as to why it has upset you. Is there something else going on in you relationship that would make you feel doubtful or insecure?
> 
> Here's the thing, when you have a sexy wife you need to get use to guys hitting on them when your not around. For me I think it's great. My wife doesn't give much value to me telling her she's hot for the 50,000th time. But a stranger telling her makes her feel sexy, when she feels sexy she gets extra SEXY. It's a win win.
> 
> Think of it this way, did you have any doubt she was leaving with you that night, of course you didn't, so why do you care?


I understand exactly what you are saying but I just think that my wife should have saved my seat..There were plenty of other seats and he clearly saw I was sitting next to her plus I find it very hard to believe that if a guy KNOWS your women is married to you... You don't think that is disrespectful to you? Come on man. DISRESPECTFUL from both parties.


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## dazedandfrustrated

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



CharlieParker said:


> What kind of an establishment was it that you needed to intervene in an altercation? Were there no bouncers or mall security?


Oh no it was just a hole in the wall


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## dazedandfrustrated

The Middleman said:


> We would need more information, particularly what happened when you returned. However, I can understand you being upset; I wouldn’t want to come back and see my wife chatting it up with another guy. Have you talked it out with her?


I tried but anytime I think something is disrespectful she says I am crazy. All I was asking which I believe is not much..Save my seat..just save my seat...especially when the guy knew I was sitting there and there were plenty of seats he could have sat at


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## dazedandfrustrated

Diana7 said:


> Can you tell us what her explanation was?


she says I am crazy and being jealous. All I was asking which I believe is not much..Save my seat..just save my seat...especially when the guy knew I was sitting there and there were plenty of seats he could have sat at


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## dazedandfrustrated

Blondilocks said:


> Was she flirting or just passing the time?


Honestly I don't think she was flirting..the point is though she says I am crazy and being jealous. All I was asking which I believe is not much..Save my seat..just save my seat...especially when the guy knew I was sitting there and there were plenty of seats he could have sat at


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## Lostinthought61

it not about the guy it about simple behavior....her behavior was rude in not telling the guy it was your seat and she is snowing you with jealous and insecurity crap. It about her behavior.


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## dazedandfrustrated

The Middleman said:


> Did you discuss it with her? If not, are you going to? Just ask her what happened? You should discuss it with her. What happened when you got back, did he leave or did you ask him to leave?


He left when he saw me coming


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## Rubix Cubed

*Re: 1 simple question edited*

Yeah, it was disrespectful on both of their parts if the guy saw you with her, but you'd expect that from a guy trying to hit on a woman sitting at the bar by herself. Either way, your wife should have nipped it in the bud and stopped it before he sat down. What did your wife have to say for herself?


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## dazedandfrustrated

personofinterest said:


> The projection is strong here. What was she supposed to do, go out brandishing a pump?
> 
> There is NOTHING to indicate inappropriate behavior except that she's female.


She could have saved my seat and not been chatting it up with some dude RIGHT?..lol


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## dazedandfrustrated

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



Rubix Cubed said:


> Yeah, it was disrespectful on both of their parts if the guy saw you with her, but you'd expect that from a guy trying to hit on a woman sitting at the bar by herself. Either way, your wife should have nipped it in the bud and stopped it before he sat down. What did your wife have to say for herself?


She thinks I am being crazy and jealous which is not the case just save my seat that is all.


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## SA2017

*Re: 1 simple question edited*

No is not ok. I even take it further....bars and clubs are places of trouble for couples. But then again, she could have told him that this is her husband's seat and that you will be back in a minute. wasn't she worried for you? looking out for you?


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## dazedandfrustrated

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



SA2017 said:


> No is not ok. I even take it further....bars and clubs are places of trouble for couples. But then again, she could have told him that this is her husband's seat and that you will be back in a minute. wasn't she worried for you? looking out for you?


Obviously not..lol


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## Suspicious1

Did she even say what he wanted?

Very strange is she didn't explain the encounter.

Odd

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## SunCMars

*Re: 1 simple question edited*

Don't get involved in altercations at bars..ever.

Even if you are an off-duty policeman. 
Keep in mind, you were drinking.

Not only that, why get your nose busted over somebody else's nose being full of hydroxl snot.

Now, I suppose if it were a case of two guys roughing up one guy, or roughing up a women, the temptation would be to help.
I might be tempted myself. 

That is the reason I rarely go into bars anymore. Especially, dive bars.

Too many drunken crazies.


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## dazedandfrustrated

Lostinthought61 said:


> So why didn't your wife say excuse me but that is taken by my husband, and he would have gotten the message.


I don't know that is my point exactly.


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## ButWeAreStrange

*Re: 1 simple question edited*

While it's easy to say that both are at fault, I have to say that as a woman it's extremely difficult (and often frightening) to try to reject a man who approaches me. Since he came over once you had gone outside, I suspect he was waiting for an opening to slip over to your wife. Did you gauge an idea of their conversation or how their interaction was going when you had returned? 

Sometimes I've been stuck keeping a conversation civil and friendly because a man has not gotten the hint or listened to me say that I'm not interested. I have also experienced first-hand the violence that can ensue if a man feels rejected, no matter the reason. For example, my husband and I were out at the dance club (small, not-crowded, easy going), and I was dancing and he was not. He tends to stay on the edge of the dance floor and watch from a safe distance. I'm a professional dancer so when I dance, it's never in a "come hither" sort of way, and most of the time there's a good chance of someone getting punched if they get within a few feet of me just from the force in which I move. However, this time a man decided he was going to slip over to me and try to get my attention. I politely said, "No thanks, I'm here with my husband and just want to dance." He didn't leave, insisted on being around me and no matter what I did or said, nothing was changing his mind. Eventually I had to physically remove myself from the dance floor to get away. Apparently he waited for my husband to use the bathroom, because the moment I was alone again, he showed up at my side, tried to strike up another conversation and when I rejected him again, he dumped an entire beer onto my head, called me a ***** and threatened to bash my head into the wall. All because I had said (multiple times) that I wasn't interested and that I was there with my husband. 

It's because of incidents like that (which I have experienced both in the club/bar scene as well as in the general public going to the grocery store) which make me have a response to take it easy when I'm approached. I go into instant high-alert and will do everything I can to try to let a guy down easy without putting myself in potential danger. Given the nature of the establishment you were both in, it sounds like it could be the case with your wife. 

Otherwise she may have simply enjoyed a little attention, saw it as innocent since you were coming right back, and didn't want to make a big deal over the conversation. It really depends on the nature of the conversation and how he viewed your presence with her.


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## Lostinthought61

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I don't know that is my point exactly.


you answered already...forget about the guy it could be any guy the issue is with your wife's behavior in my telling the guy the seat was taken


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## SunCMars

*Re: 1 simple question edited*

Your wife should have shooed the guy away.
How much had she drank?

I suspect, she was not happy with you getting involved in the altercation.

When you got up to leave, she probably said, "****, there he goes again!".

I am sure you made her uncomfortable doing what you did.


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## dazedandfrustrated

Suspicious1 said:


> Did she even say what he wanted?
> 
> Very strange is she didn't explain the encounter.
> 
> Odd
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


She said he was just being nice even though there were other people there to be nice to and other seats. I mean come on it is BS that is the point.


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## dazedandfrustrated

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



SunCMars said:


> Your wife should have shooed the guy away.
> How much had she drank?
> 
> I suspect, she was not happy with you getting involved in the altercation.
> 
> When you got up to leave, she probably said, "****, there he goes again!".
> 
> I am sure you made her uncomfortable doing what you did.


She wasn't drunk and I was trying to break up the altercation.


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## dazedandfrustrated

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



SunCMars said:


> Don't get involved in altercations at bars..ever.
> 
> Even if you are an off-duty policeman.
> Keep in mind, you were drinking.
> 
> Not only that, why get your nose busted over somebody else's nose being full of hydroxl snot.
> 
> Now, I suppose if it were a case of two guys roughing up one guy, or roughing up a women, the temptation would be to help.
> I might be tempted myself.
> 
> That is the reason I rarely go into bars anymore. Especially, dive bars.
> 
> Too many drunken crazies.


I was just trying to break up a fight which I was successful by the way and the 2 guys ended up having a beer together but I know what ya mean


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## Rubix Cubed

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



ButWeAreStrange said:


> Sometimes I've been stuck keeping a conversation civil and friendly because a man has not gotten the hint or listened to me say that I'm not interested. I have also experienced first-hand the violence that can ensue if a man feels rejected, no matter the reason. For example, my husband and I were out at the dance club (small, not-crowded, easy going), and I was dancing and he was not. He tends to stay on the edge of the dance floor and watch from a safe distance. I'm a professional dancer so when I dance, it's never in a "come hither" sort of way, and most of the time there's a good chance of someone getting punched if they get within a few feet of me just from the force in which I move. However, this time a man decided he was going to slip over to me and try to get my attention. I politely said, "No thanks, I'm here with my husband and just want to dance." He didn't leave, insisted on being around me and no matter what I did or said, nothing was changing his mind. Eventually I had to physically remove myself from the dance floor to get away. Apparently he waited for my husband to use the bathroom, because the moment I was alone again, he showed up at my side, tried to strike up another conversation and when I rejected him again, he dumped an entire beer onto my head, called me a ***** and threatened to bash my head into the wall. All because I had said (multiple times) that I wasn't interested and that I was there with my husband.


Wow, @ButWeAreStrange that's kinda scary. What did your husband do when he got out of the bathroom? 
Pretty much every bar I've ever been in would have had your "suitor" getting laid out by either another patron or a bouncer, if the Hubby/BF didn't do it first. A woman dumping a drink on a guy is usually good for a laugh. A guy dumping his drink on a woman is usually good for an immediate brawl.


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## happyhusband0005

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I understand exactly what you are saying but I just think that my wife should have saved my seat..There were plenty of other seats and he clearly saw I was sitting next to her plus I find it very hard to believe that if a guy KNOWS your women is married to you... You don't think that is disrespectful to you? Come on man. DISRESPECTFUL from both parties.


Maybe you are right. But if your wife has never given you any reason to doubt her, why now. Your reaction smacks of insecurity. I don't say that to be negative or insulting, and many people on this board will tell you to be very cautious of this. But these people have been victims of infidelity and that is where they are coming from, I have never been through that so I come from a different place. 

I would ask you a few different questions. 

1. Do you have any reason to doubt her fidelity?

2. What has happened to make you think her eyes are wandering?

You have to realize, women crave validation. You can tell your wife a million times how beautiful she is, she just writes it off. Another man tells her, it's true. So yes she might have enjoyed the attention, but it may not be at your expense. My wife has been hit on a thousand times. And each time the sex we had after, when I showed no care in the world at the situation, was out of this world. 

You see thats the thing, a guy who shows supreme confidence in the face of competition comes off as above all competition. The guy who gets all possessive and jealous, comes off as believing he is below the competition. 

If you truly have no reason to doubt your wife, please just let it go and tell your wife it was all because she is so damn sexy. If you have a reason to doubt her, there will be plenty of other advice to guide you here. 

Totally harsh point of view, (not the way I see this situation) you leave a seat empty you chose to make something else more important than that seat. 

You want to have fun, become another man in a bar hitting on your wife. 

Good news, she must be sexy enough that it only took a few minutes for a guy to notice and approach. 

You'll be fine, just relax, unless you actually have reason to be suspicious.


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## Prodigal

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



dazedandfrustrated said:


> Oh no it was just a hole in the wall


Well, there ya go. If it was a dive, I expect some of the clientele are less than sophisticated when it comes to hitting on women. Sure, the guy was being a douche, but maybe your wife felt uncomfortable asking him to pound sand. As a woman, I don't know if I'd get in some guy's face if my husband was outside trying to break up a fight.


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## Mostlycontent

happyhusband0005 said:


> Maybe you are right. But if your wife has never given you any reason to doubt her, why now. Your reaction smacks of insecurity. I don't say that to be negative or insulting, and many people on this board will tell you to be very cautious of this. But these people have been victims of infidelity and that is where they are coming from, I have never been through that so I come from a different place.
> 
> I would ask you a few different questions.
> 
> 1. Do you have any reason to doubt her fidelity?
> 
> 2. What has happened to make you think her eyes are wandering?
> 
> You have to realize, women crave validation. You can tell your wife a million times how beautiful she is, she just writes it off. Another man tells her, it's true. So yes she might have enjoyed the attention, but it may not be at your expense. My wife has been hit on a thousand times. And each time the sex we had after, when I showed no care in the world at the situation, was out of this world.
> 
> You see thats the thing, a guy who shows supreme confidence in the face of competition comes off as above all competition. The guy who gets all possessive and jealous, comes off as believing he is below the competition.
> 
> If you truly have no reason to doubt your wife, please just let it go and tell your wife it was all because she is so damn sexy. If you have a reason to doubt her, there will be plenty of other advice to guide you here.
> 
> Totally harsh point of view, (not the way I see this situation) you leave a seat empty you chose to make something else more important than that seat.
> 
> You want to have fun, become another man in a bar hitting on your wife.
> 
> Good news, she must be sexy enough that it only took a few minutes for a guy to notice and approach.
> 
> You'll be fine, just relax, unless you actually have reason to be suspicious.





I don't disagree with your post, as you don't want to overreact, but do think it's a respect thing and I'm about as confident as they come. There's certain things I don't tolerate and this kind of thing might be one of them. My wife has been hit on more times than I can count over the years and while that doesn't really bother me, the lack of respect thing probably would. Hell, I couldn't go to the men's room in a bar for more than two minutes without her being hit on several times. I understand that is going to happen but don't let some guy think he's going to take my place by not even mentioning that you're married or that your husband was sitting there and will be right back. I get that the wife maybe doesn't want to tell the new guy this stuff right away and risk losing the compliment and validation from him but I think the fact that he approached in OPs absence should be enough validation 

It's about courtesy and genuine respect for your spouse. You know, some acknowledgement of your existence. I dare say that OPs wife wouldn't like it if the situation were reversed. If he gets the opportunity, perhaps he should try it to make a point. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.


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## Beach123

dazedandfrustrated said:


> She said he was just being nice even though there were other people there to be nice to and other seats. I mean come on it is BS that is the point.


You chose to leave and involve yourself in a fight. She's allowed to talk to people in the world - if you didn't want to lose your seat - don't leave your seat.

Seems like you want to have a reason to be angry with her.


Cool your jets man, it's just a seat...you can stand without a problem, right?

It's not her job to make sure you have a seat when you willingly walk away from it.


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## manfromlamancha

OK here is my tuppence worth of view on this:


First of all, let us be clear - he was not just being nice. He was fishing to see if your wife would take any bait. He probably knew he had a window of opportunity before you got back and he tried it on. That is why he left as soon as he saw you coming. Of course there were other seats (and people he could "be nice" to) - he chose your wife because she is attractive and you left her alone AND he chose your seat to let her know that he knew you were gone and that he was taking your place and that they had a small window in which to establish if there was any interest from her.


Next - I do not know your wife but two things might explain some of this: she loves the attention (especially in this scenario which is the stuff fetishes are made of - wife sitting alone at a bar gets chatted up by stranger) AND she does not like confrontation. In her mind, it could have been confrontational to tell him to **** off (politely, of course) and that the seat was taken. Much easier to lap up the attention and accuse you of craziness and jealousy. In that way she probably hopes that in future you will allow her to engage in her attention seeking without asking her to be confrontational. You are correct to question her on this.


So, with that in mind, here are a few questions for you:

Is this the first time she has done something like this or is she a regular attention seeker ?

Does she go out on girls nights out (without you) often? At all ?

Any history of infidelity ? On either side ?

Do you come across as needy (you need to take a good look at yourself) as this will only make her want to do this more?

How is your sex life?

How is your marriage ?


----------



## 269370

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



CharlieParker said:


> What kind of an establishment was it that you needed to intervene in an altercation? Were there no bouncers or mall security?



He must have gone Back to the Future, to the past.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## arbitrator

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



dazedandfrustrated said:


> Wife and I are at a bar, I walk out of the bar to try to break up an altercation. I come back and my wife is at the bar talking to another guy..It upset me..We have been married for almost 20 years so it is not really a jealously thing I just feel it is disrespectful and she is either naive to what guys want or doesn't care.
> 
> I am going to add this...There were plenty of seats at the bar to sit at. He was in a different seat or walking around the bar. I went outside and I came back in and he took my seat talking to my wife.. ( I don't think she was flirting cause I wasn't there)
> 
> HERE IS THE MAIN THING....I just thought it was disrespectful for HIM to take my seat and for HER TO LET HIM
> 
> Like to hear from both women and men please
> 
> Should I be upset?


*Despite the fact that I don't do bars, I agree! Had I been in your shoes, I would have been mildly miffed about it myself! There is no rational reason that your wife shouldn't have spelled out to him that "that seat is my husbands!"*


----------



## oldtruck

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



SA2017 said:


> No is not ok. I even take it further....bars and clubs are places of trouble for couples. But then again, she could have told him that this is her husband's seat and that you will be back in a minute. wasn't she worried for you? looking out for you?


Exactly this is how a wife should act. Sorry but that seat is taken 
I am here with my husband. Followed by appropriate body language
to show that the conversation was finished.


----------



## BluesPower

Yes you are over reacting. 

Should have happened like this. You walk back in, walk to your seat. You say, thanks for watching my seat. Guy gets up, you sit down. 

If the guy acts like a jerk, you do what you have to do. 

And if she was flirting, you did exactly the wrong thing, acted butt hurt. 

Acting uptight about this stuff is weak in every way.

You need to chill about all of it, unless you have reason to think your wife has been or is being unfaithful...


----------



## RandomDude

dazedandfrustrated said:


> He left when he saw me coming


Sounds like he knew what he was doing, and your wife was entertaining him.

Looks like your attention alone isn't enough for her. Red flag really, but I wouldn't confront her next time, just watch, play dumb and let her slip.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

@dazedandfrustrated you may want to get a mod 
( @MattMatt , @EleGirl )to merge your 2 threads.


----------



## Livvie

dazedandfrustrated said:


> The Middleman said:
> 
> 
> 
> Did you discuss it with her? If not, are you going to? Just ask her what happened? You should discuss it with her. What happened when you got back, did he leave or did you ask him to leave?
> 
> 
> 
> He left when he saw me coming
Click to expand...

He left when he saw you coming back so he didn't, in fact, TAKE your seat!!! Your issue is that your wife was talking to someone while you were gone.


----------



## hinterdir

I can understand that. If she chose to let him sit down there without saying "MY HUSBAND IS SITTING THERE". Was she actively conversing with him? How long had she been talking with him if she had? Depending on some of these factors I can understand it being disrespectful if she just welcomes him and starts talking with him as if you aren't coming right back and like you weren't sitting there. 

What was her response? Why didn't she say that seat is taken? 
In one way it isn't a big deal but in another way it is a form of disrespect and dishonor to act single and chit chat with some guy who just took her husband's seat. 

First what did you do? Did you just walk up and say this is my wife and you are sitting in my seat?
What did you say to her about it, what was her reaction? What was her thinking and reasoning about the situation?
Did he just leave or resist? Was she apologetic or was she contrite "I'll talk to whoever I want to talk to whenever I want to....I'll talk to every man on Earth if I want to....."?


----------



## hinterdir

Prodigal said:


> P.S. - I am a woman. And you sound a bit jealous....


Jealousy is a normal human emotion. Just like love, anger, fear, joy, dread, excitement.

Yeah, I know many of you act as if it is unnatural, wrong, evil to have a normal human emotion. FYI it isn't. Jealousy is just as normal as any other emotion, it isn't the ONE emotion humans are never supposed ever feel. 

OP, people feel jealous at times. It's ok, don't let the "You have jealousy......you are evil, no one should EVER feel that wicked, perverted thing" crowd guilt you for having human feelings. 

Screw them. They've just been brainwashed to the point that any one ever feeling jealous ever is considered wrong and they act as if people should live their entire lives and never feel jealousy. That is IDIOTIC.


----------



## TRy

Beach123 said:


> it's just a seat...you can stand without a problem, right?
> 
> It's not her job to make sure you have a seat when you willingly walk away from it.


 Wait, when you say “you can stand without a problem, right?”, and “It's not her job to make sure you have a seat when you willingly walk away from it”, do you realize that you are saying that when your spouse willingly leaves their seat to go to the bathroom, that it OK to let a member of the opposite sex take your spouse’s seat, and that when the spouse comes back the spouse can stand, because it is not your job to hold the seat? Really? Are you kidding me? I can tell you one thing, if I ever did not hold my wife’s seat so that I could chat with another woman as she stood, she would take a Uber home and I would be sleeping on the couch. 

I call bull to this line of thinking. Of course it is a spouse’s job to hold each other’s seats when they are out together. Wow, could you image someone not holding a seat on a first date, there being a second date? Wow, just wow.


----------



## personofinterest

Be sure to tell her family when you divorce. Oh, and DNA all of your kids.

Just beating the crowd.


----------



## Middle of Everything

manfromlamancha said:


> So, with that in mind, here are a few questions for you:
> 
> Is this the first time she has done something like this or is she a regular attention seeker ?
> 
> Does she go out on girls nights out (without you) often? At all ?
> 
> Any history of infidelity ? On either side ?
> 
> Do you come across as needy (you need to take a good look at yourself) as this will only make her want to do this more?
> 
> How is your sex life?
> 
> How is your marriage ?


They are likely in their 40s and are still going to bars where fights outside occur. And OP goes to save the day being a tough guy (or was there on his part time bouncer job shift and failed to mention that )

So I think they are both attention seekers and get off on showing they've still got it.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

You say he got up on your way back in. Like maybe your wife said" get up, here he comes". Does she know the guy?


----------



## personofinterest

Rubix Cubed said:


> You say he got up on your way back in. Like maybe your wife said" get up, here he comes". Does she know the guy?


Oh good lord....


----------



## SunCMars

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



manfromlamancha said:


> See my reply on your other thread. This having two threads on exactly the same topic is confusing!


What? You ain't got editing scissors?

I have no problem answering more than one same-same thread. I have multiple personalities.
We give Lilith the easy ones, The Typist II or someone else the harder threads.

Huh?
What?



The Host-


----------



## Adelais

*Re: 1 simple question edited*

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that dazedandfrustrated is at fault for leaving his wife's side at a "dive" to break up a fight. All kind of things wrong with that.

If wife is OK with you taking her to a dive, and she is OK with you leaving her side to break up a fight then why would you think she wouldn't be OK with talking with a guy while you are fighting? She was just going with the flow that the two of you seem OK with. Until you became jealous. Hey, you left her alone at a dive. You are no knight in shining armor, so let her talk to anyone she wants while you are off fighting (I mean, "breaking up a fight.")

Now me: I wouldn't be OK with my husband taking me to a dive. I wouldn't approve of him being the self appointed bouncer between two fighting drunks, and I wouldn't be OK with him leaving me alone to be approached by other men at the dive.

Yes, I know, I'm a Princess.


----------



## sa58

Of course he took your seat. Your at a bar
he sees you talking to a woman and then you leave.
That is what a lot of guys do. He probably didn't know
she was your wife. He just saw an attractive woman 
sitting alone in a bar. How did she react when you 
came back ?

Why did you leave your wife alone in the first place ?
To break up a fight!! Were your friends fighting?
If you and your wife were someplace eating dinner, 
then I could see. 

Do not leave your wife alone in a bar with drunk, 
probably single men, horny men around.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

personofinterest said:


> Rubix Cubed said:
> 
> 
> 
> You say he got up on your way back in. Like maybe your wife said" get up, here he comes". Does she know the guy?
> 
> 
> 
> Oh good lord....
Click to expand...

Because no ones wife has ever cheated with anyone from the local watering hole. No maam , never happens. Geeesh.


----------



## personofinterest

Rubix Cubed said:


> Because no ones wife has ever cheated with anyone from the local watering hole. No maam , never happens. Geeesh.


There is ZERO in the story to indicate this. The idea that an OM is lurking waiting to get into the seat?

I get that the BH club assumes all women's legs are open....but it gets ridiculous sometimes.

I've been cheated on, and I don't assume this wildly.


----------



## Adelais

Same topic, new thread?

IMO OP has no reason to be upset, and in fact he is to blame for the situation. He took his dear wife to a dive. He left her alone while he broke up a fight. A man began to talk to her while he was gone.

If he doesn't want men to talk to his wife while he is gone, he shouldn't leave her alone to break up a fight. What if the guys fighting had turned on him and he had gotten beaten up? That would have put his wife in a worse situation!

Moral of the story:
1. Don't take your wife to dives.
2. Don't be the self-appointed bouncer.
3. Don't leave your wife alone in a bar for an extended period of time.

Apologize to her for leaving her alone while you stuck your nose in a fight that wasn't yours. You put both of you in bad positions.


----------



## ConanHub

I would be angry if my wife didn't inform someone they were sitting in my seat.

The guy was a pathetic, wimpy slime and I would have made a beeline for him and gave him an iron handshake while letting him know I would like to buy him a drink for babysitting my wife. I would have invited him over to get to know us better.

I WOULD resolve the disrespect she showed me or we would separate. No one needs to be disrespected by their spouse especially in public.


----------



## Rubix Cubed

personofinterest said:


> Rubix Cubed said:
> 
> 
> 
> Because no ones wife has ever cheated with anyone from the local watering hole. No maam , never happens. Geeesh.
> 
> 
> 
> There is ZERO in the story to indicate this. The idea that an OM is lurking waiting to get into the seat?
> 
> I get that the BH club assumes all women's legs are open....but it gets ridiculous sometimes.
> 
> I've been cheated on, and I don't assume this wildly.
Click to expand...

Yeah, the seat, that's what the guy was trying to get into. SMH.

eta. @personofinterest , For someone who has only been on TAM for a month you sure sound jaded. Maybe once you read here a while you will start to see that what you belittle is more the norm than the exception.


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Lostinthought61 said:


> that there is the crux of the issue, not him but her behavior in just letting him sit there instead of telling him that you were her husband and you would be right back...your right that is disrespectful
> 
> if she is okay to doing that to you are you okay doing that to her? i bet not.
> 
> you need to call her out on that crap. how long have you been married and what is the stat of your marriage?


almost 20 years


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Lostinthought61 said:


> it not about the guy it about simple behavior....her behavior was rude in not telling the guy it was your seat and she is snowing you with jealous and insecurity crap. It about her behavior.


That is what I am saying exactly.. Married almost 20 years way past the jealousy stage


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



Rubix Cubed said:


> Wow, @ButWeAreStrange that's kinda scary. What did your husband do when he got out of the bathroom?
> Pretty much every bar I've ever been in would have had your "suitor" getting laid out by either another patron or a bouncer, if the Hubby/BF didn't do it first. A woman dumping a drink on a guy is usually good for a laugh. A guy dumping his drink on a woman is usually good for an immediate brawl.


My husband isn't confrontational in any capacity so he's never done anything when those types of situations happen, so we typically leave the establishment and just go on with our night. It's taught me to have to be really careful when out and about like that because I don't have anyone to fall back on. He always regrets not helping or protecting me, but he also never really learned what to do in those situations so he just lets them happen and then we move on. 

As for the other patrons and bouncers, most of the time they won't get involved unless something serious happens, and even then, it's up to the individual to bring it to them as a problem. It's just one of those "don't know them, don't care" sort of things. I don't know how much of that is regional and how much of that is simply generational, but I've never seen anyone brawl in a bar or club despite there being plenty of reasons to get one going.


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Beach123 said:


> You chose to leave and involve yourself in a fight. She's allowed to talk to people in the world - if you didn't want to lose your seat - don't leave your seat.
> 
> Seems like you want to have a reason to be angry with her.
> 
> 
> Cool your jets man, it's just a seat...you can stand without a problem, right?
> 
> It's not her job to make sure you have a seat when you willingly walk away from it.


I wasn't trying to get into a fight I was trying to break one up before all hell broke loose


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

manfromlamancha said:


> OK here is my tuppence worth of view on this:
> 
> 
> First of all, let us be clear - he was not just being nice. He was fishing to see if your wife would take any bait. He probably knew he had a window of opportunity before you got back and he tried it on. That is why he left as soon as he saw you coming. Of course there were other seats (and people he could "be nice" to) - he chose your wife because she is attractive and you left her alone AND he chose your seat to let her know that he knew you were gone and that he was taking your place and that they had a small window in which to establish if there was any interest from her.
> 
> 
> Next - I do not know your wife but two things might explain some of this: she loves the attention (especially in this scenario which is the stuff fetishes are made of - wife sitting alone at a bar gets chatted up by stranger) AND she does not like confrontation. In her mind, it could have been confrontational to tell him to **** off (politely, of course) and that the seat was taken. Much easier to lap up the attention and accuse you of craziness and jealousy. In that way she probably hopes that in future you will allow her to engage in her attention seeking without asking her to be confrontational. You are correct to question her on this.
> 
> 
> So, with that in mind, here are a few questions for you:
> 
> Is this the first time she has done something like this or is she a regular attention seeker ?
> 
> Does she go out on girls nights out (without you) often? At all ?
> 
> Any history of infidelity ? On either side ?
> 
> Do you come across as needy (you need to take a good look at yourself) as this will only make her want to do this more?
> 
> How is your sex life?
> 
> How is your marriage ?


First time she has done this yes
She goes out for girls night
No history of Infidelity on either side as far as I know
I must admit I am kind of needy 
Sex life is good but remember been married 20 years so it is no where like it used to but great when we have it
Marriage is good , we have issues but we love each other

You bring up a good point I probably don't pay enough attention to her when we go to bars.. A lot of stuff goes on. Maybe she was trying to make a point because to me that seems very obvious to save your spouses seat but even after being married for 20 years we still have completely different ideas of our line that we shouldn't cross


----------



## sa58

I read your other thread about wife does not want 
to have sex after your drinking. 12 beers really?
Your problems seem to relate to drinking, bars, 
and bar fights etc 

Maybe you, and your wife should stop drinking 
for a while and see if things improve !! 

Just a suggestion


----------



## katies

This has happened to me on occasion. If I'm there with hubby and he gets up to go to the bathroom does that mean it's open season on me? I mean, WTF, guys? He just comes back and asserts himself. I would have to be VERY RUDE to guys to get them to shove off. And I am, on occasion. Many occasions. But don't put women in that situation guys. Or their partners. It not my fault or his.


----------



## BluesPower

katies said:


> This has happened to me on occasion. If I'm there with hubby and he gets up to go to the bathroom does that mean it's open season on me? I mean, WTF, guys? He just comes back and asserts himself. I would have to be VERY RUDE to guys to get them to shove off. And I am, on occasion. Many occasions. But don't put women in that situation guys. Or their partners. It not my fault or his.


Yeah, I get what you are saying. But here is the other side of the sandwich, can woman not say hey, that is my husband's seat? 

I have told many woman that come sniffing around, sorry sugar, I am here with my GF. 

So I think there are a lot of angles here for this type of stuff...


----------



## Beach123

Instead of a bar take her out for a nice dinner.

Maybe you'll get lucky that way.

Stay away from the bars - nothing good happens in there - you've proven that one!


----------



## EleGirl

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I don't know if she was flirting. I went outside and I came back in and he took my sit talking to my wife..That is all I know. I just thought it was disrespectful for HIM to take my seat and for HER TO LET HIM


How long ere you gone?


----------



## EleGirl

I merged your two threads. Only one thread on a topic please.


----------



## Middle of Everything

Beach123 said:


> Instead of a bar take her out for a nice dinner.
> 
> Maybe you'll get lucky that way.
> 
> Stay away from the bars - nothing good happens in there - you've proven that one!


Reminds me of one of my favorite movies. Coming to America

"Well thats your problem right there. You aint going to find no good woman in a bar."

Instead OP should take his wife to:

1. Libraries
2. Church
3. Miss black awareness pageants


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Rubix Cubed said:


> You say he got up on your way back in. Like maybe your wife said" get up, here he comes". Does she know the guy?


No she didn't know him


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

EleGirl said:


> I merged your two threads. Only one thread on a topic please.


Ok sorry Honestly the first time I have been on a forum


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

ConanHub said:


> I would be angry if my wife didn't inform someone they were sitting in my seat.
> 
> The guy was a pathetic, wimpy slime and I would have made a beeline for him and gave him an iron handshake while letting him know I would like to buy him a drink for babysitting my wife. I would have invited him over to get to know us better.
> 
> I WOULD resolve the disrespect she showed me or we would separate. No one needs to be disrespected by their spouse especially in public.


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



ButWeAreStrange said:


> My husband isn't confrontational in any capacity so he's never done anything when those types of situations happen, so we typically leave the establishment and just go on with our night. It's taught me to have to be really careful when out and about like that because I don't have anyone to fall back on. He always regrets not helping or protecting me, but he also never really learned what to do in those situations so he just lets them happen and then we move on.
> 
> As for the other patrons and bouncers, most of the time they won't get involved unless something serious happens, and even then, it's up to the individual to bring it to them as a problem. It's just one of those "don't know them, don't care" sort of things. I don't know how much of that is regional and how much of that is simply generational, but I've never seen anyone brawl in a bar or club despite there being plenty of reasons to get one going.


I think your "Don't know them Don't care" is part of why so many bad things happen... I broke up the fight and all was good except I lost my seat to some well dude


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Middle of Everything said:


> Reminds me of one of my favorite movies. Coming to America
> 
> "Well thats your problem right there. You aint going to find no good woman in a bar."
> 
> Instead OP should take his wife to:
> 
> 1. Libraries
> 2. Church
> 3. Miss black awareness pageants


What timing! Just checked that one out from the library so I could watch it with my 19yo son. He loved it.

Now back to our regular scheduled programming.


----------



## DjDjani

Well, think about this. What if she is unfaithful to you? What if she met that guy on her GNO and had something with him? What if he new that you are her husband, he saw you come out of a bar, and then he approaches your wife to see if you are gone for the evening so they can be together. Then, he saw you coming back and he left before you got to him so he wouldn't have to explain anything. If I were you, I will demand a good explanation why did she let him sit on your chair, and how did he know when to leave. And go through her phone records and online accounts, if you don't have her password install a keylogger on your computer. Then you will see if she is unfaithful to you or not. And GNO is just stupid when you are in marriage.


----------



## happyhusband0005

DjDjani said:


> Well, think about this. What if she is unfaithful to you? What if she met that guy on her GNO and had something with him? What if he new that you are her husband, he saw you come out of a bar, and then he approaches your wife to see if you are gone for the evening so they can be together. Then, he saw you coming back and he left before you got to him so he wouldn't have to explain anything. If I were you, I will demand a good explanation why did she let him sit on your chair, and how did he know when to leave. And go through her phone records and online accounts, if you don't have her password install a keylogger on your computer. Then you will see if she is unfaithful to you or not. And GNO is just stupid when you are in marriage.


Oooooh Boy


----------



## Cletus

hinterdir said:


> Screw them. They've just been brainwashed to the point that any one ever feeling jealous ever is considered wrong and they act as if people should live their entire lives and never feel jealousy. That is IDIOTIC.


Feeling angry enough to punch your wife in the face is just an emotion too.

Having the feeling isn't always inappropriate, though sometimes it can be rooted in your insecurity rather than fact. What matters is how well you override your reptilian brain and deal reasonably with the feeling. 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

*Re: 1 simple question edited*



dazedandfrustrated said:


> I think your "Don't know them Don't care" is part of why so many bad things happen... I broke up the fight and all was good except I lost my seat to some well dude


I didn't say that it was _my_ attitude, I'm saying that's the attitude that is the reason why other people don't interfere in public. Like I said, it could it regional or generational, but I've personally never witnessed a brawl break out in a venue over an incident like that and I've worked in the club industry for several years in some of the more dangerous areas in the country. If something does go down, it's usually on a level where the cops are immediately called and it isn't a fist fight but a gun or knife fight (both of which strangers are unlikely to want to get in the middle of).


----------



## personofinterest

Rubix Cubed said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Rubix Cubed said:
> 
> 
> 
> Because no ones wife has ever cheated with anyone from the local watering hole. No maam , never happens. Geeesh.
> 
> 
> 
> There is ZERO in the story to indicate this. The idea that an OM is lurking waiting to get into the seat?
> 
> I get that the BH club assumes all women's legs are open....but it gets ridiculous sometimes.
> 
> I've been cheated on, and I don't assume this wildly.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Yeah, the seat, that's what the guy was trying to get into. SMH.
> 
> eta. @personofinterest , For someone who has only been on TAM for a month you sure sound jaded. Maybe once you read here a while you will start to see that what you belittle is more the norm than the exception.
Click to expand...

This isnt mu first forum. I've been on them for years. And they all pretty much have the same groups of hammers who see nails everywhere.


----------



## personofinterest

Just divorce her and buy some beer. Because all humans with xy chromosomes cheat. 

Or something


----------



## SpinyNorman

Middle of Everything said:


> Reminds me of one of my favorite movies. Coming to America
> 
> "Well thats your problem right there. *You aint going to find no good woman in a bar.*"
> 
> Instead OP should take his wife to:
> 
> 1. Libraries
> 2. Church
> 3. Miss black awareness pageants


Maybe you won't, but I sure have.


----------



## SpinyNorman

Beach123 said:


> Instead of a bar take her out for a nice dinner.
> 
> Maybe you'll get lucky that way.
> 
> Stay away from the bars - nothing good happens in there - you've proven that one!


The wife and I spent Friday night in a bar, talking to friends, listening to live music and dancing. I guess we forgot that life is a rehearsal for being dead.


----------



## ConanHub

personofinterest said:


> Just divorce her and buy some beer. Because all humans with xy chromosomes cheat.
> 
> Or something


LOL! Have you been having some 🍺?:grin2:


----------



## 269370

personofinterest said:


> Just divorce her and buy some beer.


But not more than 12, otherwise he might not get laid.

Dammit, I know too much info.


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

BluesPower said:


> Yeah, I get what you are saying. But here is the other side of the sandwich, can woman not say hey, that is my husband's seat?
> 
> I have told many woman that come sniffing around, sorry sugar, I am here with my GF.
> 
> So I think there are a lot of angles here for this type of stuff...



I think is greatly depends on the individual as well as the venue. A man telling a woman he's not interested is not likely to land him in the hospital, however a woman telling a man she's not interested is. 

It's a shame, but social and cultural boundaries dictate different approaches to those types of scenarios depending on whether you are a man or a woman. There is no one-size fits all to that kind of confrontation.


----------



## SpinyNorman

ButWeAreStrange said:


> I think is greatly depends on the individual as well as the venue. A man telling a woman he's not interested is not likely to land him in the hospital, however a woman telling a man she's not interested is.
> 
> It's a shame, but social and cultural boundaries dictate different approaches to those types of scenarios depending on whether you are a man or a woman. There is no one-size fits all to that kind of confrontation.


Wait, are you saying it is common for guys who get shot down to beat up the woman?


----------



## Cletus

ButWeAreStrange said:


> I think is greatly depends on the individual as well as the venue. A man telling a woman he's not interested is not likely to land him in the hospital, however a woman telling a man she's not interested is.


It is? Either I've been going to the wrong bars, or your part of the country is a lot rougher than mine. 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


----------



## Livvie

SpinyNorman said:


> ButWeAreStrange said:
> 
> 
> 
> I think is greatly depends on the individual as well as the venue. A man telling a woman he's not interested is not likely to land him in the hospital, however a woman telling a man she's not interested is.
> 
> It's a shame, but social and cultural boundaries dictate different approaches to those types of scenarios depending on whether you are a man or a woman. There is no one-size fits all to that kind of confrontation.
> 
> 
> 
> Wait, are you saying it is common for guys who get shot down to beat up the woman?
Click to expand...

That happened to me in college. I turned down a guy and he hit me very hard in the face. And this was in a crowd of people, it's not like we were alone.


----------



## personofinterest

A few questions:

Did she cheat when you were dating?

Has she betrayed your or cheated on you during the marriage?

Does she have a history of lying?

Do you believe your wife loves you?

If the answers to these questions are no, no, no, yes....then you need to take some stock of your own emotions. If she has betrayed you in the past, then she needs better boundaries.

Please answer these questions.


----------



## TRy

SpinyNorman said:


> The wife and I spent Friday night in a bar, talking to friends, listening to live music and dancing. I guess we forgot that life is a rehearsal for being dead.


 My wife and I often do the same. The main difference between the places we go to and the bar that the OP went to, is that we do not go to dive bars on fight night. But maybe that is just me.


----------



## BluesPower

ButWeAreStrange said:


> I think is greatly depends on the individual as well as the venue. A man telling a woman he's not interested is not likely to land him in the hospital, however a woman telling a man she's not interested is.
> 
> It's a shame, but social and cultural boundaries dictate different approaches to those types of scenarios depending on whether you are a man or a woman. There is no one-size fits all to that kind of confrontation.


I have no idea where you live or what type of people you guys are around. But in the worst bars that I have ever played in, if a guy laid a hand on a woman for any reason, he would go to the hospital if he made it out of the place alive at all. 

This behavior is dealt with very harshly where I live.


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

SpinyNorman said:


> Wait, are you saying it is common for guys who get shot down to beat up the woman?



I'm not saying it's a rule, but it happens often enough that a lot of women feel the need to guard how aggressive they are when turning down a guy. I've seen very nasty encounters, usually when the man is either intoxicated or feels entitled to whoever he has been going after in a club or bar. It's frightening to be on that end of an interaction where you don't know whether or not you saying "no" (regardless of how polite you are) could instigate something violent. It isn't something you simply forget.


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

BluesPower said:


> I have no idea where you live or what type of people you guys are around. But in the worst bars that I have ever played in, if a guy laid a hand on a woman for any reason, he would go to the hospital if he made it out of the place alive at all.
> 
> This behavior is dealt with very harshly where I live.


I used to work in NE DC and Baltimore, so yeah, it could get pretty crazy pretty fast. Not all places in those cities are like that at all, but depending on the event, the venue, and whether or not bouncers are even hired for it, people need to be able to look after themselves. 

Just as another example of my own experience, I was working a NYE event and at the end of the night a man broke into the single-room bathroom I was using, cornered me and watched me urinate. I was petrified and had no one to call for, so I finished quickly and got out of there as fast as I could. Aside from him managing to get by the three guys "guarding" the bathroom, I reported it to the management and more or less got some good laughs out of them. Not everyone looks to be a knight in shining armor, and a lot of the time unless someone has something to prove, they won't bother getting involved with another person's altercation.


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

Cletus said:


> It is? Either I've been going to the wrong bars, or your part of the country is a lot rougher than mine.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk



The DC/Baltimore area can be pretty rough when it wants to be. When I moved away from the area I realized just how different it is to be outside of that bubble. It has a lot of great benefits for being part of it, but you do learn early on how to keep yourself out of harm's way. Hell, when I was 12 a group of men asked my father how much he was willing to sell me for, and that was in a suburban town outside of the city in a "good area". So like I said, depending on the individual, it can either be a good experience, or a bad one.


----------



## RandomDude

Curious why you felt the need to break up the fight in the first place? Just put your money on the one you think is gonna win and let them go.


----------



## The Middleman

Livvie said:


> That happened to me in college. I turned down a guy and he hit me very hard in the face. And this was in a crowd of people, it's not like we were alone.


I would hope he spent some time in jail.


----------



## SpinyNorman

TRy said:


> My wife and I often do the same. The main difference between the places we go to and the bar that the OP went to, is that we do not go to dive bars on fight night. But maybe that is just me.


I would agree w/ the statement "There are bars you shouldn't go to", but I was replying to a post that said don't go to any of them.


----------



## The Middleman

dazedandfrustrated said:


> First time she has done this yes
> She goes out for girls night
> No history of Infidelity on either side as far as I know


Makes me wonder: if she lets a guy chat her up and your right outside the door, what does she do when she is “out with the girls”. How much do you know about these “girls nights”?


----------



## SpinyNorman

Livvie said:


> That happened to me in college. I turned down a guy and he hit me very hard in the face. And this was in a crowd of people, it's not like we were alone.





ButWeAreStrange said:


> I'm not saying it's a rule, but it happens often enough that a lot of women feel the need to guard how aggressive they are when turning down a guy. I've seen very nasty encounters, usually when the man is either intoxicated or feels entitled to whoever he has been going after in a club or bar. It's frightening to be on that end of an interaction where you don't know whether or not you saying "no" (regardless of how polite you are) could instigate something violent. It isn't something you simply forget.


I wasn't asking if it's ever happened in the history of alcohol, I was asking if it was common. Have spent a fair amount of time in bars and have never seen a man hit a woman. Have overheard a number of pickup attempts and suspect there were a lot more that were out of earshot. OTOH am quite sure no beatdowns escaped my notice.


----------



## SpinyNorman

TS, to answer your question I don't think a guy talking to my wife at a bar is a big deal, we go there to be social. If certain things are said, that could be a big deal, but you didn't say what was said.

OTOH, taking your seat and not immediately giving it back when you returned isn't good, unless he didn't know you were sitting there. In which case, you or your wife could've pointed out you were sitting there. We haven't heard your wife's side, but I think she should've at least told him to give your seat back.


----------



## ConanHub

ButWeAreStrange said:


> The DC/Baltimore area can be pretty rough when it wants to be. When I moved away from the area I realized just how different it is to be outside of that bubble. It has a lot of great benefits for being part of it, but you do learn early on how to keep yourself out of harm's way. Hell, when I was 12 a group of men asked my father how much he was willing to sell me for, and that was in a suburban town outside of the city in a "good area". So like I said, depending on the individual, it can either be a good experience, or a bad one.


That is a very interesting culture. Those men would have been talking to God, face to face the instant after they said something like that to me. If I even heard of it happening to a friend or relative, I would find them to discuss their proposition and make them a final counter offer.


----------



## manfromlamancha

SpinyNorman said:


> TS, to answer your question I don't think a guy talking to my wife at a bar is a big deal, we go there to be social. If certain things are said, that could be a big deal, but you didn't say what was said.
> 
> OTOH, taking your seat and not immediately giving it back when you returned isn't good, unless he didn't know you were sitting there. In which case, you or your wife could've pointed out you were sitting there. We haven't heard your wife's side, but I think she should've at least told him to give your seat back.


He left as soon as he saw OP coming back - which confirms his hitting on OP's wife!


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

SpinyNorman said:


> I wasn't asking if it's ever happened in the history of alcohol, I was asking if it was common. Have spent a fair amount of time in bars and have never seen a man hit a woman. Have overheard a number of pickup attempts and suspect there were a lot more that were out of earshot. OTOH am quite sure no beatdowns escaped my notice.


I guess it's more common in some areas than others since I've witnessed (and personally experienced) these types of altercations a number of times as well as know many women who share that experience. I've also noticed that unless a man is specifically involved in a situation like this, they don't tend to notice because a lot of the time they are either simply unaware or view it as none of their business. And remember, it isn't always just a punch, it could be a grope, grab, pinch, or verbal assault, a lot of which can slip under the radar of someone looking. Predatory jerks are just that, predatory, and they know how to intimidate and often get away with it.


----------



## happyhusband0005

ConanHub said:


> That is a very interesting culture. Those men would have been talking to God, face to face the instant after they said something like that to me. If I even heard of it happening to a friend or relative, I would find them to discuss their proposition and make them a final counter offer.


I want to hang with Conan.


----------



## WildMustang

happyhusband0005 said:


> I want to hang with Conan.


Yeah, yeah...we all do. Get in line! :smile2:


----------



## SpinyNorman

ButWeAreStrange said:


> I guess it's more common in some areas than others since I've witnessed (and personally experienced) these types of altercations a number of times as well as know many women who share that experience. I've also noticed that unless a man is specifically involved in a situation like this, they don't tend to notice because a lot of the time they are either simply unaware or view it as none of their business. And remember, it isn't always just a punch, it could be a grope, grab, pinch, or verbal assault, a lot of which can slip under the radar of someone looking. Predatory jerks are just that, predatory, and they know how to intimidate and often get away with it.


I did specifically ask about beatings and not the other stuff.


----------



## SpinyNorman

manfromlamancha said:


> He left as soon as he saw OP coming back - which confirms his hitting on OP's wife!


Thanks, I did find the part about the guy leaving when TS came back. It is likely but not certain he had designs.

I don't see why TS is so upset about someone using his seat while he wasn't if he gave it back promptly.


----------



## Cletus

SpinyNorman said:


> Thanks, I did find the part about the guy leaving when TS came back. It is likely but not certain he had designs.
> 
> I don't see why TS is so upset about someone using his seat while he wasn't if he gave it back promptly.


Because there will always be those men who think of women as their personal property. If another guy chats her up or is caught eyeballin' her, then someone is at fault. Him or her, one of them is going to take the fall.


Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


----------



## ButWeAreStrange

SpinyNorman said:


> I did specifically ask about beatings and not the other stuff.



The problem with asking for statistics on beatings specifically is that not every instance is reported (usually out of fear), and even if it is, that doesn't mean it sticks or gets to a statistician. That's the unfortunate nature of the justice system. And it happens even in schools where girls are subject to violence but because of either the school not wanting to mess with its reputation or to even the punishment out, a lot of girls learn to mistrust those they report to. For example, when I was 13 a boy tried to grope me on the school bus and I told him to go away, that I wasn't interested. He slammed my head into the window and repeatedly punched my belly until I was doubled over. Despite the fact that I was the one with the bruises, I was the one suspended for "inciting violence" by rejecting his approach. It's that kind of attitude that silences people. I was told that I had to understand that I had "hurt his feelings" and that I should have "at least tried" to give him a chance. It's a lesson that I learned repeatedly throughout my teenhood, and then entered adulthood and continued to witness it with other women. It's a nasty side of society that few people want to admit exists. 

I don't know how common it is across the board, but it's common enough that many, many women (myself included) have stories regarding physical violence in response to rejecting a man, regardless of how polite we were or where we were. There are literally thousands of accounts of this online, you just have to look. Unfortunately many women also face people questioning the validity of it, which is another reason why so many don't share their stories openly.


----------



## SpinyNorman

ButWeAreStrange said:


> The problem with asking for statistics on beatings specifically is that not every instance is reported (usually out of fear), and even if it is, that doesn't mean it sticks or gets to a statistician. That's the unfortunate nature of the justice system. And it happens even in schools where girls are subject to violence but because of either the school not wanting to mess with its reputation or to even the punishment out, a lot of girls learn to mistrust those they report to. For example, when I was 13 a boy tried to grope me on the school bus and I told him to go away, that I wasn't interested. He slammed my head into the window and repeatedly punched my belly until I was doubled over. Despite the fact that I was the one with the bruises, I was the one suspended for "inciting violence" by rejecting his approach. It's that kind of attitude that silences people. I was told that I had to understand that I had "hurt his feelings" and that I should have "at least tried" to give him a chance. It's a lesson that I learned repeatedly throughout my teenhood, and then entered adulthood and continued to witness it with other women. It's a nasty side of society that few people want to admit exists.
> 
> I don't know how common it is across the board, but it's common enough that many, many women (myself included) have stories regarding physical violence in response to rejecting a man, regardless of how polite we were or where we were. There are literally thousands of accounts of this online, you just have to look. Unfortunately many women also face people questioning the validity of it, which is another reason why so many don't share their stories openly.


I keep trying to direct this conversation back to the original question but I think it is pretty well hopeless.


----------



## SpinyNorman

Cletus said:


> Because there will always be those men who think of women as their personal property. If another guy chats her up or is caught eyeballin' her, then someone is at fault. Him or her, one of them is going to take the fall.
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


Based upon # of posts it really sounded like he was more jealous about his chair.


----------



## ConanHub

SpinyNorman said:


> Thanks, I did find the part about the guy leaving when TS came back. It is likely but not certain he had designs.
> 
> I don't see why TS is so upset about someone using his seat while he wasn't if he gave it back promptly.


Well, I can't speak for everyone but I am territorial where my mate is concerned. My seat by my wife is an extremely dangerous place for another man to assume to sit his dumb ass.

Mrs. Conan and I are on the same page however and there is no mistaking that she is mine.

Friends and relatives could sit in my seat while I'm off it but a stranger would be less intelligent than a carrot to try.


----------



## I shouldnthave

Interesting to hear about the various bar cultures.

My husband works in the alcohol industry - we go out and drink often.

Our spots tend to be tap rooms (beer bars - serve only craft beer), or cocktail bars (the kind of place that makes specialty cocktails).

We go to socialize, I talk to "strangers" both male and female all the time. As does my husband. It wouldn't be unusual for me to return from the bathroom, and have my husband introduce me to a woman he had been chatting to. And I do the same quite often (meet guys - have a great conversation - introduce husband).

Heck we will split up and get engrossed in different conversations with different people - irregardless of sex.

I have also never felt unsafe in these places. Never witnessed a fight or violence.

We don't go to dive bars and shady spots that drunks hang out at, nor meat markets over pumped with testosterone, but rather lively social spots which are great for enjoying a drink, meeting people and engaging in conversation.

So to that end, this story is bizarre to me, as are some of the responses. But I am one of those shews, one of those harlots who talks to men she isn't married to.


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## ConanHub

I shouldnthave said:


> Interesting to hear about the various bar cultures.
> 
> My husband works in the alcohol industry - we go out and drink often.
> 
> Our spots tend to be tap rooms (beer bars - serve only craft beer), or cocktail bars (the kind of place that makes specialty cocktails).
> 
> We go to socialize, I talk to "strangers" both male and female all the time. As does my husband. It wouldn't be unusual for me to return from the bathroom, and have my husband introduce me to a woman he had been chatting to. And I do the same quite often (meet guys - have a great conversation - introduce husband).
> 
> Heck we will split up and get engrossed in different conversations with different people - irregardless of sex.
> 
> I have also never felt unsafe in these places. Never witnessed a fight or violence.
> 
> We don't go to dive bars and shady spots that drunks hang out at, nor meat markets over pumped with testosterone, but rather lively social spots which are great for enjoying a drink, meeting people and engaging in conversation.
> 
> So to that end, this story is bizarre to me, as are some of the responses. But I am one of those shews, one of those harlots who talks to men she isn't married to.


Your situation is better and different than OP's. Your husband isn't waiting for other husbands to leave their seat by their wives so he can scurry over to chat her up only to scurry away as soon as another husband shows up.

Men you talk to probably know your husband is near and everything is above board when he joins you.

Mrs. Conan gets straight up hit on with regularity, she is little and cute, but she never has allowed anyone to chat her up when they are aiming for what is mine.

She would allow respectful discourse but OP's wife didn't let the twerp sitting in her husband's seat know it was his and the little weiner ran on first sight.


----------



## personofinterest

The assumptions borne from personal wounds in this thread would be funny if they weren't so sad. I mean, they practically have her secretly having sex under the bar stools while he's gone. OM's waiting in the shadows to get in a quick word. His wife trolling the second he gets up.

I am glad the pains of my past haven't made me so jaded.


----------



## Cletus

I just read this article yesterday on the NyTimes about raising good boys in the #MeToo era that I just know is going to cause some furor -

“One thing you want to be careful of,” he said, “is teaching boys to be chivalrous. We need to sop socializing boys to see women as needing protection.”

...

“Holding doors and giving up seats are prime examples of courtesy,” Peter said. “Of course those are good things. But the idea that women should be cherished and put on pedestals fosters what’s known as benevolent sexism, which subtly demeans women as fragile and less competent. It reinforces a sexual script in which a man takes charge while a woman remains passive.”

"Even if well-intentioned, he said, benevolent sexism has been shown to correlate with hostile sexism, with threats to women “who don’t fit the idealized mold of women as pure, faithful and compliant. It’s important to promote a masculinity that’s not all about ‘protecting women,’ but rather about standing up for whoever is vulnerable.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/01/well/family/metoo-sons-sexual-harassment-parenting-boys.html


----------



## Blondilocks

For all anyone knows (including the OP), the guy could have just sat down and then noticed the OP returning. It's not like the wife knew how long her husband would be gone or the stranger knew he would be returning. As we used to say in kindergarten 'your name's not on it'. Much fuss about nothing. 

Here's a hint: don't take your wife to a bar and seat her on a barstool and then get up and leave knowing full well that her derriere is on full view for all of the patrons to admire. Because you just might come back to an occupied seat.


----------



## 269370

There must have been at least a quick HJ under the table in the absence. Otherwise it would be very atypical for TAM 

Did she sleep with him? Why do you care if he tried it on? Just a misunderstanding.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## minimalME

Cletus said:


> “One thing you want to be careful of,” he said, “is teaching boys to be chivalrous. We need to sop socializing boys to see women as needing protection.”


So sad.


----------



## Cletus

minimalME said:


> So sad.


It's only sad if by teaching chivalry as he explains it we are not in the long run doing women a disservice.

I get that it sounds bad on the surface, but perhaps there is a deeper reality to it. The kind of guy we're talking about here - who picks a bar fight with every guy in the room for looking askance at his "woman" - that level of toxic masculinity is not good for anyone. If we have to take you off of that pedestal to actually see you as equals, then perhaps your gains will outdistance your losses.


----------



## personofinterest

inmyprime said:


> There must have been at least a quick HJ under the table in the absence. Otherwise it would be very atypical for TAM
> 
> Did she sleep with him? Why do you care if he tried it on? Just a misunderstanding.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


So true. Like I said, better DNA those kids.


----------



## minimalME

Cletus said:


> It's only sad if by teaching chivalry as he explains it we are not in the long run doing women a disservice.
> 
> I get that it sounds bad on the surface, but perhaps there is a deeper reality to it. The kind of guy we're talking about here - who picks a bar fight with every guy in the room for looking askance at his "woman" - that level of toxic masculinity is not good for anyone. If we have to take you off of that pedestal to actually see you as equals, then perhaps your gains will outdistance your losses.


I'm not a feminist, and I'm not looking for equality.

And the bar scene you've described isn't chivalry - it's more bravado.


----------



## personofinterest

minimalME said:


> I'm not a feminist, and not I'm looking for equality.
> 
> And the bar scene you've described isn't chivalry - it's more bravado.


Exactly. This whole "take them off the pedestal" crap sounds like "knock them down a few pegs." Because that is likely exactly what it is. Let's be honest. I mean, the people I hear say that a lot don't generally think much of women.

Being kind and helpful and using emotional intelligence and manners is not "putting someone on a pedestal." It's being a decent person.


----------



## FrenchFry

.


----------



## ConanHub

Thanks for the female perspective.

I wouldn't mind a man talking to my wife, never have minded unless she was being bothered, but I would mind it if a man waited until I left my seat to approach my wife and sit there.

I would expect Mrs. C to at least let him know it was taken. If he was chatting her up when I got back, while not sitting in my seat, I wouldn't have any issues and talk with him as well.


----------



## uhtred

I think this is an interesting topic, but maybe not on topic for this thread? Maybe a new thread?





Cletus said:


> I just read this article yesterday on the NyTimes about raising good boys in the #MeToo era that I just know is going to cause some furor -
> 
> “One thing you want to be careful of,” he said, “is teaching boys to be chivalrous. We need to sop socializing boys to see women as needing protection.”
> 
> ...
> 
> “Holding doors and giving up seats are prime examples of courtesy,” Peter said. “Of course those are good things. But the idea that women should be cherished and put on pedestals fosters what’s known as benevolent sexism, which subtly demeans women as fragile and less competent. It reinforces a sexual script in which a man takes charge while a woman remains passive.”
> 
> "Even if well-intentioned, he said, benevolent sexism has been shown to correlate with hostile sexism, with threats to women “who don’t fit the idealized mold of women as pure, faithful and compliant. It’s important to promote a masculinity that’s not all about ‘protecting women,’ but rather about standing up for whoever is vulnerable.”
> 
> https://www.nytimes.com/2018/06/01/well/family/metoo-sons-sexual-harassment-parenting-boys.html


----------



## Cletus

personofinterest said:


> Exactly. This whole "take them off the pedestal" crap sounds like "knock them down a few pegs." Because that is likely exactly what it is. Let's be honest. I mean, the people I hear say that a lot don't generally think much of women.


What an utterly uncharitable assessment of the professor responsible for the quote in question. Clearly you didn't read the article to gain any context at all. 

"Recognizing that this issue can’t be summed up in a list of quick tips, I still wanted some advice. So I reached out to Peter Glick, a friend and colleague at Lawrence University,*the college where I teach. He is a psychologist and an expert on sex stereotyping."

I expected better from you. 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


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## personofinterest

Cletus said:


> What an utterly uncharitable assessment of the professor responsible for the quote in question. Clearly you didn't read the article to gain any context at all.
> 
> "Recognizing that this issue can’t be summed up in a list of quick tips, I still wanted some advice. So I reached out to Peter Glick, a friend and colleague at Lawrence University,*the college where I teach. He is a psychologist and an expert on sex stereotyping."
> 
> I expected better from you.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


I was actually referring to the general lay-guy who uses it on sites like Reddit and such.


----------



## Cletus

personofinterest said:


> I was actually referring to the general lay-guy who uses it on sites like Reddit and such.


Allright, I'll accept that. It was most certainly NOT the case here.


----------



## SpinyNorman

ConanHub said:


> Well, I can't speak for everyone but I am territorial where my mate is concerned. My seat by my wife is an extremely dangerous place for another man to assume to sit his dumb ass.
> 
> Mrs. Conan and I are on the same page however and there is no mistaking that she is mine.
> 
> Friends and relatives could sit in my seat while I'm off it but a stranger would be less intelligent than a carrot to try.


I was never too clear on the getting to first base/getting to second base, which base is sitting in a nearby chair?


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## Cletus

SpinyNorman said:


> I was never too clear on the getting to first base/getting to second base, which base is sitting in a nearby chair?


In this case, that's a SAC bunt.


----------



## Robert22205

Letting him have your seat? He chats and bails when you return?
Sounds to me like it's highly likely that they've spoken before (even though she doesn't 'know' him).
I don't like deception even when it's for your own good (so you don't get mad or blow it out of proportion).
They either know each other or your wife is a silly giggling girl that's easy to approach.


----------



## TeddieG

frenchfry said:


> i've been reading this thread with amusement - my husband used to be like this when we first started dating. I remember one night where he'd gone outside for a smoke and when he came back, some guy was talking to me. It might have been one of our first fights - it's been a long time. My husband first - an aggressive reaction toward the guy and second, a pissed off attitude with me for not immediately telling the guy to **** off.
> 
> 
> Me? I wasn't impressed with that reaction. I didn't feel protected, but infantilized. I did see it as a yellow flag that this guy was controlling and insecure. I felt that if you are going to get angry with me every time a guy hits on me when we aren't in sight of each other, you are going to be angry a lot. if you can't trust me to take care of him in my own way, we can't be together. If you don't like the way i take care of dudes hitting on me, we aren't compatible - and no, i will not tell a dude to **** off because i too have been assaulted by doing so.
> 
> After that, my husband took a step back and just generally observed my behavior with other people and saw that i can be trusted to deal them on my own. I always appreciate him making his presence known by walking up mid-conversation but i'm not into these aggressive maneuvers to prove that i'm his property.


this!


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## BarbedFenceRider

Well, here on the border....Things go a might bit different. We have two very different cultures right on top of each other, and nightlife is a very common occurrence. That said. One does NOT go out of their way to break up a fight outside of a bar. Too many people shot for that kinda nonsense. Now, if the two *meatheads fighting decided to use my car during the altercation, yeah, I'd probably be there to put a swift end to it. But break it up....Nah. 

But, it is very plausible for most gents to get up from their seat and "find" the barkeep and get drinks rolling. And yes, you WILL be standing in line awhile. I do expect that when the missus is most pleasantly engaged by another male passing by, I do expect she does keep my respect in check. Period. 

And if I was to return to my seat to find a nice young man sitting in it. Which I have. (kids just don't have manners these days). I simply put my drinks down on the table and start rubbing his shoulders....Seriously! The fine young man, will stand up and promptly exit the scene and you sir will have the laugh of your life. In spanish we simply say..."Soy es un cabron, pero no soy es pendejo!" " I might be a player, but I ain't a stupid jerk"...More or less.


----------



## I shouldnthave

Cletus said:


> “Holding doors and giving up seats are prime examples of courtesy,” Peter said. “Of course those are good things. But the idea that women should be cherished and put on pedestals fosters what’s known as benevolent sexism, which subtly demeans women as fragile and less competent. It reinforces a sexual script in which a man takes charge while a woman remains passive.”





Cletus said:


> It's only sad if by teaching chivalry as he explains it we are not in the long run doing women a disservice.
> 
> I get that it sounds bad on the surface, but perhaps there is a deeper reality to it. The kind of guy we're talking about here - who picks a bar fight with every guy in the room for looking askance at his "woman" - that level of toxic masculinity is not good for anyone. If we have to take you off of that pedestal to actually see you as equals, then perhaps your gains will outdistance your losses.



I get it, and I encounter it all the time. I often mention that I grew up as a "tom boy". I was raised in a large part by my dad, but my mother, a strong feminist was also a big influence on me. 

And to that extent, I have never wanted to be treated differently because I was a female. Nor have I limited myself because I am a female. 

I have heard how it is improper, dangerous, wrong, etc for a woman to go to a bar by herself (on another forum board I have seen huge topics about this! With a consensus that it shouldn't be done!).

Yet if I was a man, no one would think twice. I go to bars by myself all the time. I am a grown woman and know how to handle myself. 

I have been told I shouldn't walk alone, talk to strangers, the list goes on. As if because I am a woman, my world should be sheltered in ways that you would protect a child. 

On the train, often if I do not have a seat, a man will offer his. I appreciate the gesture, but I gave up wearing heels to work years ago (seriously, want to talk about some gender BS) and I am just as capable of standing as he is. I am not old and frail, or disabled, I do not need special treatment. 

Or the mechanic who assumes I know nothing about cars because I have a vagina. 

As a woman there are so many things we are told we shouldn't do because of our gender. So many things we are assumed to not be capable of. So many things we are assumed we need help with. 

And I think many women are told these things enough times - that they internalize it. 

Back to the original topic - OP, did you ASK your wife what the deal was with that guy? People on here seem to think that she must be asking for it, must be flirting, must have whispered in his ear that she wants an affair for a guy to do this..... That she definitely did something wrong. 

I have had guys come sit next to me in crowded bars. I have told them "my husband is sitting there, but you are welcome to squeeze in and order a drink". Maybe we would have even struck up a conversation - only to have the guy get up and move when my husband came back - because you know, I told them the seat was taken.

All that said, if my husband took me to the kind of place that breaks out in fights I would have been pissed. 

If he left me to go get involved in a fight that was none of his damn business I would have been SUPER PISSED.

And if the fight was his business - I would have been incensed. Fighting is for people who have nothing to lose, and I expect more of my husband. He knows that I won't tolerate fighting. 

If it was truly a situation on the verge of becoming dangerous, I would expect that we LEAVE, and not get involved.


----------



## ConanHub

SpinyNorman said:


> I was never too clear on the getting to first base/getting to second base, which base is sitting in a nearby chair?


It is actually just stepping up to the plate to take a swing at it.

The problem is that, I own the field and stadium and my team is the only team allowed to take up any position.

A guy that watches you with your woman and waits for you to go to the bathroom or outside for a smoke to go sit next to her when there are plenty of other seats is only one thing and that thing squishes nicely under my foot.


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## TRy

SpinyNorman said:


> I was never too clear on the getting to first base/getting to second base, which base is sitting in a nearby chair?


With my wife it would be a strikeout, so it would be no base as you get sent back to the dugout.


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## SpinyNorman

TRy said:


> With my wife it would be a strikeout, so it would be no base as you get sent back to the dugout.


I was kidding about any bases as sitting in the vicinity of someone to me is not at all intimate, and I often sit near people I have no attraction to. Not sure if this is what you're saying or not.


----------



## TRy

SpinyNorman said:


> I was kidding about any bases as sitting in the vicinity of someone to me is not at all intimate, and I often sit near people I have no attraction to. Not sure if this is what you're saying or not.


LOL! I figured that you were joking, so I joked back.


----------



## Bacon&eggs

dazedandfrustrated said:


> Should I be upset?


First, I don't blame you for being upset. 

It MIGHT be one thing if a stranger just stood there or sat in a seat on the other side of your wife making small talk while waiting for someone, for example (and there was no flirtation going on), but as soon as he sat in your seat she should have told him it was reserved for her husband and she should have not encouraged him (if that's what happened, at this point you don't really know). 

You should stay clear of any advice to the contrary in my opinion. 

Even the conversation itself was arguably inappropriate depending on what happened. Remember, this is a bar, so we know what men AND women want half the time or more. 

Our socially engineered mid-to-late 20th and early 21st Century values, however, have destroyed the institution of marriage. In my opinion it is time to unlearn virtually everything we've learned over the last half century (or more) and focus no relearning what really works for the human race again. Under the current paradigm, when marriages are destroyed, families are destroyed, trust is low, and society becomes fractured and dangerously incohesive. 

The bigger question now is how you should address this with your wife. I'm not a big proponent of therapy these days. Psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists mostly drink the Kool-Aid disregarding how things between men and women really work. Unfortunately, we can't even rely on "common sense" we're spoon-fed because it has been largely BS for nearly a century in my opinion. The alternatives might not be all that much better because family and friends are not good at consoling each other anymore. For thousands of years, like hundreds of thousands, men and women relied on close friends and family for such support, but over the last century we've outsourced this to for profit individuals which is not a good thing in my opinion. 

So be careful who you consult. You might want to research and interview a lot of people to find someone who isn't exactly mainstream but still someone you can trust. In fact, I'm not religious, but talking to someone in a church might be the best way to go. 

Anyway, I said I don't blame you for being upset, but that doesn't mean I advise being upset. Make sure you have a calm and clear head when thinking about it. If you decide you have to be firm, so be it, but make that decision based on rational thought more than a knee-jerk reaction (which most of us would have). 

We may even be blowing the whole thing out of proportion, so keep that in mind as well (and it seems like you are). I hope it turns out to be a non-issue for the both of you. Even if you both get upset, you can put it behind you if you're both committed to the marriage. My wife and I have been together 20 years this year. Luckily she doesn't drink, so we don't go to bars too often.

Good luck!


----------



## redpoppies34

Dont worry. Your wife is just social and maybe she is trying to make you jealous/mad because of something you did to her... could be anything from ignoring her/ not having enough time for her/ not paying attention/ help with the dishes/ etc. If she keeps doing it... you should try it!!! see how she feels when you flirt ...


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## Rah

Just my two cents but yes, she was being disrespectful. All this talk about women being too scared to tell men to go away just seems like an excuse to me. I am over 45 and i have been to 100's maybe 1000's of clubs and parties and I have honestly never seen or been around a woman who was been physically assaulted for rejecting a man during nightlife. And I don't know any man who has done it. I've seen a few women get cursed out but never physically harmed. Perhaps this happens more in white clubs so maybe I don't understand. 

90% of guys who routinely hunt women can tell when a woman is uninterested within 1 minute of talking to her. They look for cues and signs, they try to create tension. If they can't do these things then they will usually go on to other prey. They think numbers not a specific woman. The committed married ones tell you they are married with conviction. She showed interest and gave him a cue that is why he stayed. She shouldn't have and she should have told him that was your seat and if he didn't want to move she should have moved or got you. Period.

If trust hasn't been an issue in the past, i'd probably let it go as an anomaly but let her know that it made you uncomfortable. You're not wrong for demanding she respect marital boundaries. She is your wife. A wife with no boundaries is not a wife at all.

If it happens again, i'd say you're about to go through some ish Hopefully it doesn't. Good luck!!


----------



## Suzyq410

Hello sir- 
As a woman, I am concerned by your feeling of "entitlement" to who your wife should talk to. In my marriage, I have business lunches, social engagements without my husband, and yes, I even on occasion have gone into a bar where men are. They are everywhere. Just as women are around you. 

What I find ironic is that you were in a BAR. Bars are where people mingle and converse to strangers on an ongoing basis. If you were there and left her sitting alone, that's what men do. They see a woman sitting alone, they pounce. 

You say you aren't jealous. I am quite confident that you know what her true character in 20 years. Thus, if you say you have nothing to worry about, then I would say at the least you are extremely insecure, and at worse, abusively controlling. If you trust your wife, as you say, then it's your issue not hers. 

There is no way I would be married to a man like this. It's abusive.


----------



## personofinterest

Suzyq410 said:


> Hello sir-
> As a woman, I am concerned by your feeling of "entitlement" to who your wife should talk to. In my marriage, I have business lunches, social engagements without my husband, and yes, I even on occasion have gone into a bar where men are. They are everywhere. Just as women are around you.
> 
> What I find ironic is that you were in a BAR. Bars are where people mingle and converse to strangers on an ongoing basis. If you were there and left her sitting alone, that's what men do. They see a woman sitting alone, they pounce.
> 
> You say you aren't jealous. I am quite confident that you know what her true character in 20 years. Thus, if you say you have nothing to worry about, then I would say at the least you are extremely insecure, and at worse, abusively controlling. If you trust your wife, as you say, then it's your issue not hers.
> 
> There is no way I would be married to a man like this. It's abusive.


Add to this the fact that he feels compelled to becoming in physical fights that are NOT his....


----------



## Suzyq410

ABSOLUTELY- and then leaving his wife sitting alone where drunk men are there to pick up women. LOL


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

ConanHub said:


> Your situation is better and different than OP's. Your husband isn't waiting for other husbands to leave their seat by their wives so he can scurry over to chat her up only to scurry away as soon as another husband shows up.
> 
> Men you talk to probably know your husband is near and everything is above board when he joins you.
> 
> Mrs. Conan gets straight up hit on with regularity, she is little and cute, but she never has allowed anyone to chat her up when they are aiming for what is mine.
> 
> She would allow respectful discourse but OP's wife didn't let the twerp sitting in her husband's seat know it was his and the little weiner ran on first sight.


Thank you Conan... We talk to people of the opposite sex ALL the time... Situation described was just a completely different situation than the one I was in but we did agree on not going to Hole in the wall Bars so I guess that part I can agree with.


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

BarbedFenceRider said:


> Well, here on the border....Things go a might bit different. We have two very different cultures right on top of each other, and nightlife is a very common occurrence. That said. One does NOT go out of their way to break up a fight outside of a bar. Too many people shot for that kinda nonsense. Now, if the two *meatheads fighting decided to use my car during the altercation, yeah, I'd probably be there to put a swift end to it. But break it up....Nah.
> 
> But, it is very plausible for most gents to get up from their seat and "find" the barkeep and get drinks rolling. And yes, you WILL be standing in line awhile. I do expect that when the missus is most pleasantly engaged by another male passing by, I do expect she does keep my respect in check. Period.
> 
> And if I was to return to my seat to find a nice young man sitting in it. Which I have. (kids just don't have manners these days). I simply put my drinks down on the table and start rubbing his shoulders....Seriously! The fine young man, will stand up and promptly exit the scene and you sir will have the laugh of your life. In spanish we simply say..."Soy es un cabron, pero no soy es pendejo!" " I might be a player, but I ain't a stupid jerk"...More or less.



That is good!!!


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Suzyq410 said:


> Hello sir-
> As a woman, I am concerned by your feeling of "entitlement" to who your wife should talk to. In my marriage, I have business lunches, social engagements without my husband, and yes, I even on occasion have gone into a bar where men are. They are everywhere. Just as women are around you.
> 
> What I find ironic is that you were in a BAR. Bars are where people mingle and converse to strangers on an ongoing basis. If you were there and left her sitting alone, that's what men do. They see a woman sitting alone, they pounce.
> 
> You say you aren't jealous. I am quite confident that you know what her true character in 20 years. Thus, if you say you have nothing to worry about, then I would say at the least you are extremely insecure, and at worse, abusively controlling. If you trust your wife, as you say, then it's your issue not hers.
> 
> There is no way I would be married to a man like this. It's abusive.


That is just plain stupid...It is not abusive,, not insecure,,it is just a matter of respect/consideration on her part..Save my seat I am going to break this fight up before all hell breaks loose ..You sound like a scorned women.. I so wish I knew how to block NEGATIVE people!!!


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

I shouldnthave said:


> I get it, and I encounter it all the time. I often mention that I grew up as a "tom boy". I was raised in a large part by my dad, but my mother, a strong feminist was also a big influence on me.
> 
> And to that extent, I have never wanted to be treated differently because I was a female. Nor have I limited myself because I am a female.
> 
> I have heard how it is improper, dangerous, wrong, etc for a woman to go to a bar by herself (on another forum board I have seen huge topics about this! With a consensus that it shouldn't be done!).
> 
> Yet if I was a man, no one would think twice. I go to bars by myself all the time. I am a grown woman and know how to handle myself.
> 
> I have been told I shouldn't walk alone, talk to strangers, the list goes on. As if because I am a woman, my world should be sheltered in ways that you would protect a child.
> 
> On the train, often if I do not have a seat, a man will offer his. I appreciate the gesture, but I gave up wearing heels to work years ago (seriously, want to talk about some gender BS) and I am just as capable of standing as he is. I am not old and frail, or disabled, I do not need special treatment.
> 
> Or the mechanic who assumes I know nothing about cars because I have a vagina.
> 
> As a woman there are so many things we are told we shouldn't do because of our gender. So many things we are assumed to not be capable of. So many things we are assumed we need help with.
> 
> And I think many women are told these things enough times - that they internalize it.
> 
> Back to the original topic - OP, did you ASK your wife what the deal was with that guy? People on here seem to think that she must be asking for it, must be flirting, must have whispered in his ear that she wants an affair for a guy to do this..... That she definitely did something wrong.
> 
> I have had guys come sit next to me in crowded bars. I have told them "my husband is sitting there, but you are welcome to squeeze in and order a drink". Maybe we would have even struck up a conversation - only to have the guy get up and move when my husband came back - because you know, I told them the seat was taken.
> 
> All that said, if my husband took me to the kind of place that breaks out in fights I would have been pissed.
> 
> If he left me to go get involved in a fight that was none of his damn business I would have been SUPER PISSED.
> 
> And if the fight was his business - I would have been incensed. Fighting is for people who have nothing to lose, and I expect more of my husband. He knows that I won't tolerate fighting.
> 
> If it was truly a situation on the verge of becoming dangerous, I would expect that we LEAVE, and not get involved.


I DIDN"T leave to get into a fight I left to BREAK one up as best I could


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Bacon&eggs said:


> First, I don't blame you for being upset.
> 
> It MIGHT be one thing if a stranger just stood there or sat in a seat on the other side of your wife making small talk while waiting for someone, for example (and there was no flirtation going on), but as soon as he sat in your seat she should have told him it was reserved for her husband and she should have not encouraged him (if that's what happened, at this point you don't really know).
> 
> You should stay clear of any advice to the contrary in my opinion.
> 
> Even the conversation itself was arguably inappropriate depending on what happened. Remember, this is a bar, so we know what men AND women want half the time or more.
> 
> Our socially engineered mid-to-late 20th and early 21st Century values, however, have destroyed the institution of marriage. In my opinion it is time to unlearn virtually everything we've learned over the last half century (or more) and focus no relearning what really works for the human race again. Under the current paradigm, when marriages are destroyed, families are destroyed, trust is low, and society becomes fractured and dangerously incohesive.
> 
> The bigger question now is how you should address this with your wife. I'm not a big proponent of therapy these days. Psychiatrists, psychologists, and therapists mostly drink the Kool-Aid disregarding how things between men and women really work. Unfortunately, we can't even rely on "common sense" we're spoon-fed because it has been largely BS for nearly a century in my opinion. The alternatives might not be all that much better because family and friends are not good at consoling each other anymore. For thousands of years, like hundreds of thousands, men and women relied on close friends and family for such support, but over the last century we've outsourced this to for profit individuals which is not a good thing in my opinion.
> 
> So be careful who you consult. You might want to research and interview a lot of people to find someone who isn't exactly mainstream but still someone you can trust. In fact, I'm not religious, but talking to someone in a church might be the best way to go.
> 
> Anyway, I said I don't blame you for being upset, but that doesn't mean I advise being upset. Make sure you have a calm and clear head when thinking about it. If you decide you have to be firm, so be it, but make that decision based on rational thought more than a knee-jerk reaction (which most of us would have).
> 
> We may even be blowing the whole thing out of proportion, so keep that in mind as well (and it seems like you are). I hope it turns out to be a non-issue for the both of you. Even if you both get upset, you can put it behind you if you're both committed to the marriage. My wife and I have been together 20 years this year. Luckily she doesn't drink, so we don't go to bars too often.
> 
> Good luck!


That is great advice, I think a big start is changing the type of bars we go to..


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Bingo


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

ConanHub said:


> Thanks for the female perspective.
> 
> I wouldn't mind a man talking to my wife, never have minded unless she was being bothered, but I would mind it if a man waited until I left my seat to approach my wife and sit there.
> 
> I would expect Mrs. C to at least let him know it was taken. If he was chatting her up when I got back, while not sitting in my seat, I wouldn't have any issues and talk with him as well.


That really was all I was saying Conan..To me it is about respect/consideration


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

SpinyNorman said:


> TS, to answer your question I don't think a guy talking to my wife at a bar is a big deal, we go there to be social. If certain things are said, that could be a big deal, but you didn't say what was said.
> 
> OTOH, taking your seat and not immediately giving it back when you returned isn't good, unless he didn't know you were sitting there. In which case, you or your wife could've pointed out you were sitting there. We haven't heard your wife's side, but I think she should've at least told him to give your seat back.


He left as soon I came back but there were plenty of other seats to sit at and he saw we were together.. IDK lack of Respect/Consideration that is what it boiled down to


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

happyhusband0005 said:


> I want to hang with Conan.


me too


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

SpinyNorman said:


> Thanks, I did find the part about the guy leaving when TS came back. It is likely but not certain he had designs.
> 
> I don't see why TS is so upset about someone using his seat while he wasn't if he gave it back promptly.


I don't really even care so much about the dude. I don't really blame him I just thought my wife should have said the seat was reserved or at least not chatted up while he stole my seat.


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

SpinyNorman said:


> Based upon # of posts it really sounded like he was more jealous about his chair.


Oddly enough sarcastic or not to some degree you are right... IDK lack of Respect/Consideration that is what it boiled down to


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

TRy said:


> My wife and I often do the same. The main difference between the places we go to and the bar that the OP went to, is that we do not go to dive bars on fight night. But maybe that is just me.


I agreed to no longer take her to "Dive Bars" so that is a start


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

RandomDude said:


> Curious why you felt the need to break up the fight in the first place? Just put your money on the one you think is gonna win and let them go.


The one guy was gay and everyone knew it and the other guy I guess knew a lot of people at the bar so the gay guy was fitting to get a beat down and I was close to the fight so I thought it was the right thing to do..IDK man


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

personofinterest said:


> This isnt mu first forum. I've been on them for years. And they all pretty much have the same groups of hammers who see nails everywhere.


 @personofinterest

If anybody belittles anyone it is CERTAINLY you!!! just read all your replies...Completely one sided,belittling, and judgmental..


----------



## The Middleman

Suzyq410 said:


> There is no way I would be married to a man like this. It's abusive.


I believe that any person (male or female) has the right to ask (and expect) their spouse not to socially engage with members of the opposite sex if it makes their spouse uncomfortable. This is especially true in places where alcohol is being served and social interaction of a personal nature (not business) is expected (like bars). It’s even a larger offense if the spouses are out together and one steps away for a few minutes. When you get married, it’s no longer all about you.


----------



## Blondilocks

dazedandfrustrated said:


> Oddly enough sarcastic or not to some degree you are right... IDK lack of Respect/Consideration that is what it boiled down to


Have you considered that you are directing your upset at your wife when you really should be directing your upset at the guy who didn't respect you enough to not sit next to her? Your wife is the easy target.

Now, if you truly want to get your nose out of joint, your wife could have gotten up and gone and sat next to and chatted up another guy while you were playing good Samaritan. That would be a sign of disrespect and lack of consideration. But, sitting there and minding her own business - nope.


----------



## Robert22205

Most men immediately look for a ring (and usually back off to avoid wasting their time when they see it) so he knew she was married. So I guess he sat down and chatted because he was desperately lonely and there were no other women sitting alone?

Did you ever ask her what they talked about? Including the first few sentences exchanged when he first approached?

Perhaps her first words were: "that's my husband's seat" so he knew all along that it was going to be a short conversation.
In that case there's no disrespect with regard to seating.

Where does she go on girls night out? 

In the circumstances you describe that evening, being approached by a bold man (especially taking your seat) would be a news worthy and entirely knew experience for her ... that's all she'd talk about for the next hour - repeating the story (and every word spoken) over and over. In addition to the 'respect' issue, I'd also concerned that she's used to guys trying to pick her up. It's also possible that while she didn't recognize him - that he's seen her out with her girlfriends or for some other reason thinks she may be available (so he's grooming her for future contact).


----------



## personofinterest

I do think this could be overcome with some very simple boundaries

You: Honey, if I ever need to leave my seat, please save it for me. And please let any man who approaches you know you are happily married.

Her: Honey, please don't leave me along to stick my nose in other people's bar fights


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Robert22205 said:


> Most men immediately look for a ring (and usually back off to avoid wasting their time when they see it) so he knew she was married. So I guess he sat down and chatted because he was desperately lonely and there were no other women sitting alone?
> 
> Did you ever ask her what they talked about? Including the first few sentences exchanged when he first approached?
> 
> Perhaps her first words were: "that's my husband's seat" so he knew all along that it was going to be a short conversation.
> In that case there's no disrespect with regard to seating.
> 
> Where does she go on girls night out?
> 
> In the circumstances you describe that evening, being approached by a bold man (especially taking your seat) would be a news worthy and entirely knew experience for her ... that's all she'd talk about for the next hour - repeating the story (and every word spoken) over and over. In addition to the 'respect' issue, I'd also concerned that she's used to guys trying to pick her up. It's also possible that while she didn't recognize him - that he's seen her out with her girlfriends or for some other reason thinks she may be available (so he's grooming her for future contact).


Yeah she said he was respectful just said he was from Texas..small talk.. I don't think (never sure) but don't think he meant any harm but something like that could get ugly quick if it is not stopped at the beginning.


----------



## dazedandfrustrated

Blondilocks said:


> Have you considered that you are directing your upset at your wife when you really should be directing your upset at the guy who didn't respect you enough to not sit next to her? Your wife is the easy target.
> 
> Now, if you truly want to get your nose out of joint, your wife could have gotten up and gone and sat next to and chatted up another guy while you were playing good Samaritan. That would be a sign of disrespect and lack of consideration. But, sitting there and minding her own business - nope.


I mean every one is entitled to their opinion.. I was just raised with a different set of manners.


----------



## The Middleman

Blondilocks said:


> Now, if you truly want to get your nose out of joint, your wife could have gotten up and gone and sat next to and chatted up another guy while you were playing good Samaritan. That would be a sign of disrespect and lack of consideration. But, sitting there and minding her own business - nope.


Don’t you think that the moment the guy sat down, she could have said: “This is my husband’s seat and I’m waiting for him to return”, then turn away from him and ignore the guy? That would have sent the would be player a clear message. Instead, she was chatting it up.


----------



## Blondilocks

The Middleman said:


> Don’t you think that the moment the guy sat down, she could have said: “This is my husband’s seat and I’m waiting for him to return”, then turn away from him and ignore the guy? That would have sent the would be player a clear message. Instead, she was chatting it up.


No one knows what she said - not even the OP. They didn't go to a bar because the price of drinks was cheaper than staying home. They went for the sociability factor. The guy got up and left when he saw OP returning so, obviously, the wife wasn't leading him on. What is the point of going out on the town if one spouse is only allowed to talk to their spouse? 
They can do that at home. 

Manners dictate that when you take a person on a date, you don't deposit them on a seat and then take a hike for a while - leaving them to fend for themselves and then whine about what a crummy job they did defending your turf.


----------



## Suzyq410

dazedandfrustrated said:


> That is just plain stupid...It is not abusive,, not insecure,,it is just a matter of respect/consideration on her part..Save my seat I am going to break this fight up before all hell breaks loose ..You sound like a scorned women.. I so wish I knew how to block NEGATIVE people!!!


I'm sure glad I'm NOT married to you. LOL


----------



## TRy

Blondilocks said:


> Manners dictate that when you take a person on a date, you don't deposit them on a seat and then take a hike for a while - leaving them to fend for themselves and then whine about what a crummy job they did defending your turf.


If as you say that "Manners dictate that when you take a person on a date, you don't deposit them on a seat and then take a hike for a while", a guys should not drink any beers at a bar, because if he leaves to go to the bathroom he is being rude, and his date is not required to try hold his seat. Your version of manners is ridiculous.


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## Blondilocks

TRy said:


> If as you say that "Manners dictate that when you take a person on a date, you don't deposit them on a seat and then take a hike for a while", a guys should not drink any beers at a bar, because if he leaves to go to the bathroom he is being rude, and his date is not required to try hold his seat. Your version of manners is ridiculous.


Cherry picking is so touristy.


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## DjDjani

When your wife let another man to sit in your chair, she disrespected you. Im not saying anyyhing about talking to a guy, thay could talk about the church, it doesnt matter, she shouldnt let him sit in your chair. If I were you, she would need to apoligise to me. What kind of wife lets another man to sit in her husbands place? And what would happen if the guy didnt leave? The husband eould stand beside them when they are sitting and chatting? That is just not right!


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