# Guys Point of View Needed: Friends vs. Marriage: VERY LONG



## MeepleEater (Dec 6, 2011)

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years. After moving back to the area where we both went to high school and grew up he started regularly hanging out with another guy that he was close to in high school. To make a very long story short, I was never close to this other guy and didn't necessarily care for him. One night (after several nights of just generally being snippy/rude towards us) I finally had it out with him. We got into a huge fight and both of us said things to one another that were very hurtful. Several days after the argument (when things had calmed down) I apologized to him via email. He made rude remarks about how I wasn't grown up enough to talk to him; to I called and apologized. He said that wasn't good enough. This friend gave me an ultimatum of a day, a time and a place that I had to apologize to him. He even provided a script of things that I had to specifically address. Despite this bordering on ridiculousness, I did what he wanted to try to make things better for him and my husband. At the end of my very long apology script that HE wrote. He sat back and said "I just think it's too soon, you should probably leave." So, not only did he NOT accept the apology that he demanded - he never gave me one either. 

Basically 3 years slipped by with zero communication with them. Out of nowhere he comes back into our life because he wants DH to be in their wedding. DH agrees and assures me that he will only be in their wedding and then things will go right back to the way they were with none of us ever talking again, so I'm cool with it. After the wedding is over they immediately start sending us invitations to stuff at their house, they're calling DH all the time wanting to hang out with him (just him) as if I'm not even there. Basically they want DH to hang out with them all the time and pretend that I don't exist. 

DH and I keep fighting over what to do. I feel that these people are harmful to our marriage and are causing a rift between us; that they need to be out of our lives. DH feels attached to them because they are from his past and thinks that I should just get over the fight. I also have argued with DH that him being there without me and hanging out with them only reinforces the idea that he's okay with people treating his wife badly. (This guy point blank looked at DH and said that marrying me was the biggest mistake he's ever made and has not once apologize for it). Anyone have any insight on what to do in this situation?


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

This is ridiculous. He is disrespecting you immensely. This is unacceptable and should have consequences.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

This happens often but I havent yet seen it anywhere else on here. You dont like his friends (maybe for good reason) and dont want your husband to have to do with them. It is difficult and really unsolvable. I think you will just have to give in and accept it. Perhaps not to mention it. In other words tell your husband if he goes there you would rather not know about it or what goes on there. If he cant discuss it with you later it may help.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Your husband should have handled it when he disrespected you. You gave one apology, fine, you're a grown up and thats what grown ups do. His requirements were crazy and your hubby is wrong for not letting the friend know that. Why he's still trying to be friends with this guy at the exclusion of you is beyond me.


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## IAMCIV (Nov 8, 2011)

I am more of a loner type....but if anyone, ANYONE disrespected my wife like that I'd kick his ...

Let alone let my wife degrade herself in an attempt to apologize. I wouldn't let that happen. It's b/s. If it was my own brother, I'd kick his...

I don't understand the mind set of guys who want to hang out with each other, never have. Guys night out? Not for me. So my point of view might be uncommon...


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Your husbands an idiot.

He is also a coward.

No one disrespects my wife in such a manner and gets away unscathed.


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