# Help Please



## MissMontana (Oct 8, 2013)

I am seeking some advice with respect to infidelity that has occurred in my marriage. 
First some background:

My husband and I are in the agriculture business and own two properties which are about 300 miles apart. During the summer we are separated, each running one of the ranches.
Throughout our relationship there have been quite a few instances where I have found my now husband engaging in sexual text message exchanges with other women. I have confronted him many times, and even left him for a period of time. 
At each episode he continually denied that anything was going on, attempted to convince me that the messages had been meant for me, or tried to play it off as a joke.
The messages were to many different female acquaintances of his, and were not only sexually explicit but indicated either previous 'private' meetings in person or intentions to meet up.
It got to the point that I was so paranoid that anytime his phone beeped, I pounced on the phone to see what it was. 

Then last December I found out I was pregnant. We decided that we wanted to keep the baby and that we should move up our plans of getting married. 

After finding out I was pregnant and subsequently getting married, he was very good and it seemed that the sexting had completely stopped. 

Then, about a week before my baby was born, he came to stay with me at my parents house to await the baby. Being extraordinarily paranoid, I decided to check his phone. He had since upgraded to an iphone with has a tendancy to store erased messages. 
To my chagrin I found that he has once again resumed sexting with 5 different women. The messages were very explicit and heartbreaking to me. The worst were some from a married woman living close to the ranch my husband runs, and whom we have to do business every year.
I also found messages from a woman my husband had hired without my knowledge to 'clean the house "for me"'. The messages also revealed that he had received oral sex from said 'employee'.

We had an enormous fight where he continued to act quite childish and try to convince me that I had made it up or it was all a joke etc etc. 
We finally agreed that we would start fresh. He would stop all inappropriate communications and I would let go of my harbored anger and resentment over the past transgressions. 
After the baby was born things seemed much better, he was truly a devoted father. Then he had to return to the ranch for a few weeks while I recovered from the birth. 
When he came back to help me drive home I found that while he had been considerably good he had, the day before flying back out to his son and I, been sexting yet another woman. 
His excuse for this was that she had started the conversation and he was just trying to figure out who it was because he hadnt been able to remember. Unfortunately, this was a lie as he had been the one who had started the conversation and led it into inappropriateness. 
He has now been away again for a couple of weeks. I am losing sleep over the fear that he is continuing to cheat despite my telling him when he left that if he did it again I was divorcing him and leaving with his child. 

I feel very foolish for having let things continue on this far and for sincerely believing him when he assured me it would stop. 
Now there is a child in the mix and I absolutely cannot allow my child to grow up amongst such conflict.
What hurts me most is how he lies to me. I no longer believe him when he tells me he's being faithful and I always question what he's doing with that damned phone. 
Had he been honest with me in the past when I confronted him I would have an easier time forgiving him. But he has always maintained his 'innocence' and tried to make me believe that it was nothing but a joke. 

I still truly love my husband. I don't want to separate from him but I cannot put up with any more lies or cheating. 

I am hoping to have some advice that is not so close to home to help me in deciding what to do from here. We will continue to have to be apart for long periods of time and I am going to continue to have doubts and insecurities whenever he is gone. Marriage counseling is probably a necessity but getting him to go would be like pulling elephant teeth.

My main concern is my child. On one hand I want him to grow up with a father, but I don't want him to grow up in conflict. Whatever I decide I don't want it to be a selfish decision that hurts my baby. 

Please help!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Sorry you are here, but glad you found us.

There have been selfish decisions in your marriage, but you did not make them.

Your husband needs to mature.

I would suggest couple's counselling, individual counselling, no contact letters for his women and also have him take a polygraph test.

And realise that divorce could be an option for you if he can't or won't start to fly right.


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

One suggestion call the husbands of the women and expose them. Word will get around that sex with your husband comes at a cost and he will have fewer tramps interested in taking him up.


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Your husband is having multiple affairs and disrespecting you greatly- the mother of his child. 

Dafuq is that sh!t. 

File for divorce. Seek full custody. 

You are a woman, you have an upper hand in divorce and custody courts. 

File First!!!!

I cannot stress this enough. 

If you don't demand respect from YOURSELF. Others will not respect you. 

Do you like the floor? 

Cause your being a doormat, if you don't do these things above. 

I know that's harsh. But it needs to be said. 

Also, expose to everyone. Friends Family. OW's husbands and GF's. Expose. Expose. Expose. Expose. 

Lastly, I am so sorry you are here. I cannot imagine the pain, I was betrayed by my wife, but this is terrible. You deserve a MAN. Not a a little b!tch like your husband. 

I am so sorry. 

Vent here. Best of luck. 

And get a keylogger for his phone- 

here: Keylogger

Also, VAR's (Voice Activated Recorders)

Sony ICD-PX333 Digital Flash Voice Recorder ICDPX333 B&H Photo

Voice Activated Recorder Pen MQ-77N

You can get this stuff quickly. About 72 hours or so online. 

Best Buy sales the Sony for about 50 bucks. 

Get Velcro. Put it under his car seat. Then put another in the marital bedroom. 

Then keep one on yourself at all times after you expose and kill affair and file for Divorce.


----------



## MissMontana (Oct 8, 2013)

I actually have called out some of the women that this occurred with. Conversations with those women has since ceased. However, he seems to have ever lowering standards of women he is willing to sext and he is quite charismatic and charming so meeting new women is easy for him.


----------



## Fleur de Cactus (Apr 6, 2013)

Sorry you are here , but no worries, many people here will give you good advices. However I think you H is a pathological liar and seem like he cannot change. Try counseling. If you do not want to leave him you can stay but be ready to accept his cheating. I am afraid he cannot change. I do not like the way he treat you like you do not know what you are talking about. He is manipulative and is insulting your intelligence when he says that it is a joke.


----------



## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

MissMontana said:


> I actually have call out some of the women that this occurred with. Conversations with those women has since ceased. However, he seems to have ever lowering standards of women he is willing to sext and he is quite charismatic and charming so meeting new women is easy for him.



File.For.Divorce. 

This will wake him up. The threat of him losing is wife and baby, plus you getting half his crap will wake him up. 

Again, File For Divorce. 

If you deem it that you want to take him back and reconcile you can. After Divorce. 

It is really that simple. 

You cannot "nice" or "mitigate" your way out of his affairs. 

I have no more advice. 

Good luck.


----------



## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

I am so sorry you are here. Please look at the facts here. You husband has repeatedly lied to you and cheated on you. He really isn't remorseful. He is just sorry he got caught AGAIN!

I don't think you marriage has a snowballs chance in he11. I personally would expose him to his family and friends and file for divorce. 

Please don't stay for the baby. Better to be from a broken home than to be in one.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MissMontana said:


> I actually have called out some of the women that this occurred with. Conversations with those women has since ceased. However, he seems to have ever lowering standards of women he is willing to sext and he is quite charismatic and charming so meeting new women is easy for him.


What I did was to keep electronic copies of all the chats and emails I could find from all the women. Then I put them in a zip file and emailed them all to all the women. That way the all got to see exactly how special they were to him. He'd write a love poem and end the same poem to each of them. It worked.

If you can find out who their husbands are, send copies of all the texts, etc to the husbands.


----------



## JadedHusband (Aug 17, 2013)

His family needs to know. He isn't showing he has any respect for you. If the only person he is hurting is you he doesn't experience repercussions for his actions. If mom and dad think he's being a dog that might make him uncomfortable enough to seek change. 

He is depending on your pride and shame to keep his secret. Take that away from him and let him deal with the consequences. 

You have to expose him. Until you take that step you are merely "spinning your wheels"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

Believe me when i tell you that having a poor example of manhood in the form of a father, is worse than not having one at all. I promise you this. There is nothing stronger than a determined mother. Take him back if he deserves it, but not for the child. You'll make due countless mothers have.


----------



## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> BY* Mrs Montana*
> My main concern is my child. On one hand I want him to grow up with a father, but I don't want him to grow up in conflict. Whatever I decide I don't want it to be a selfish decision that hurts my baby.
> 
> Please help!



Your husband has betrayed you several times, you cannot trust him, and he may be an addict. *In any case you demanding and taking ACTIONS to maintain your dignity and respect are vital!*


Taking the right actions will benefit you if you divorce or stay. The first action that you can take is to impose consequences on him. He has repeatedly sabotaged the marriage so you should take actions that reset your relationship with him as one that IS NOT married. Take bold action but stay away from being guided by vengeance because vengeance can side tract you off your plan.


*You should take all action to be independent of him, cut off all contact with him, and only concentrate on improving you and your child.* You will hurt big time but if anything is going to produce a real change in him right now it is consequences. You need to decide that you are going to endure the pain and will only consider reconciliation if he PROVES with verifiable proof, for a long time, that he is committed to real change. If he does not change then your actions are still in your best interest.

*You need to make a plan to be self sufficient and not cave into allowing him to interrupt your plan or become the source that will fulfill your needs.* Becoming as self sufficient as possible will always make your life better! I know that having someone to share your life with and meet some of the emotional needs is very desirable. However, you will be in such a better position to not be powerless and walked on if you are self sufficient to a higher degree. You will also be able to help your future mate be a better person, have more self esteem for yourself, and be treated with respect.



Because your child has a weak father right now you need to become as strong as possible for your baby. You are a good woman that wants your child to be your main focus and to protect your baby even at the cost of your needs. *That is exactly what it is going to take! Millions of women have done it and so can you.*


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You married him knowing that he did this. He is a pathological liar and cheat. If you don't divorce him, you are looking at a lifetime of the same heartbreak. Divorce him.


----------

