# He doesn't know how his affair happened



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I had an affair and now I'm stuck with the 'other woman' - how did this happen to me?

He is told in no uncertain terms that it was his fault.


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## dawnabon (Mar 11, 2017)

What an idiot. 

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> I had an affair and now I'm stuck with the 'other woman' - how did this happen to me?
> 
> He is told in no uncertain terms that it was his fault.


*My heart just pours forth sympathy for this poor, unfortunate guy, greatly to the point that I can only hope that he gets to truly experience the fastidious accolades of the "drip, drip, drip of gonorrhea!"

Try taking that home and sharing that with your wife!*


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

LOL what a dumb ****.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

> I have ruined my chances with my wife, but would like her to forgive me.


Well, should she or shouldn't she?


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Gotta love that decisive, no nonsense wife. Happiness is that guy in the rear view mirror. 

The fool is now someone else's problem.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

NextTimeAround said:


> Well, should she or shouldn't she?


Forgiveness and reconciliation are 2 different things.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Stupid, Stupid man. He made so many stupid decisions and is now seeing the consequences. I am glad his wife left him, so many spouses act pathetically when there is cheating.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

He says he doesn't know how the affair happened, but what I think he really means is that he doesn't know how his marriage ended.

He knows how the affair happened..... he had the opportunity for a side piece and took it.

He didn't think his wife would find out and certainly didn't think she'd dump him. That much is obvious from his attempt to abuse and manipulate her back with threats of dating the other woman. He thought his wife wanted him so much that she'd panic and take him back. 

His bluff was called, and he's now trying to understand why his wife didn't fold and he wasn't such a prize that his threat would work.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> He says he doesn't know how the affair happened, but what I think he really means is that he doesn't know how his marriage ended.
> 
> He knows how the affair happened..... he had the opportunity for a side piece and took it.
> 
> ...


You know, he will not be able to deal with this until he stops lying to himself.

I couldn't understand how my stupid revenge affair happened. Until I stopped lying to myself.

It happened because I made a series of utterly stupid, disastrous decisions which concluded in the ultimate act of betrayal of not only my wife but of who I was.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Stupid is as stupid does.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

He knows but also knows that the best strategy is to minimize his cheating. I have been on both ends of that dog. Do you think he is going to tell you that he saw a woman that he just had to have sex with and liked her better than you. That the sex was way better and she has none of your annoying habits. Nope, he is going to say whatever has the least impact on him. I was drunk is good for one night stands. For affairs, I used to use that I was just attracted to her and I do not know why since I do not even like her as a person. Pheromones or something. 

I left my wife for 1 month to be with the woman I was having an affair with. The sex was great and there was a lot of it. Eventually I came to my senses and went back to my wife. We decided to not be monogamous as I was incapable of it and my wife knew this before she married me. Luckily my wife discovered her bisexuality and so she wanted to have sex with women too. So we did it together in threesomes and it all worked out well for us. Married for over 44 years. We both agree that had we insisted on monogamy, we would have divorced a very long time ago. We both need another women in our life. We adjusted to each other's sexual and emotional needs. What we did was to choose our marriage over monogamy. Difficult for many to do since it has been ingrained into them that sex outside marriage is the worst thing in the world you can do. There is still the idea of ownership of each other in some way. We looked at marriage and saw all our friends and family divorcing due to cheating or some other reason. Figured that monogamous marriage only gave us a 50% chance of succeeding so perhaps ethical non monogamy had better odds. For us it did but we are not like most couples.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Vinnydee said:


> He knows but also knows that the best strategy is to minimize his cheating. I have been on both ends of that dog. Do you think he is going to tell you that he saw a woman that he just had to have sex with and liked her better than you. That the sex was way better and she has none of your annoying habits. Nope, he is going to say whatever has the least impact on him. I was drunk is good for one night stands. For affairs, I used to use that I was just attracted to her and I do not know why since I do not even like her as a person. Pheromones or something.
> 
> I left my wife for 1 month to be with the woman I was having an affair with. The sex was great and there was a lot of it. Eventually I came to my senses and went back to my wife. We decided to not be monogamous as I was incapable of it and my wife knew this before she married me. Luckily my wife discovered her bisexuality and so she wanted to have sex with women too. So we did it together in threesomes and it all worked out well for us. Married for over 44 years. We both agree that had we insisted on monogamy, we would have divorced a very long time ago. We both need another women in our life. We adjusted to each other's sexual and emotional needs. What we did was to choose our marriage over monogamy. Difficult for many to do since it has been ingrained into them that sex outside marriage is the worst thing in the world you can do. There is still the idea of ownership of each other in some way. We looked at marriage and saw all our friends and family divorcing due to cheating or some other reason. Figured that monogamous marriage only gave us a 50% chance of succeeding so perhaps ethical non monogamy had better odds. For us it did but we are not like most couples.


All of us are capable of being monogamous. Faithfulness is vital in marriage and we just have to use self-control. There is no such thing as ethical non-monogamy, it's called adultery.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

And all of us are capable of cheating, stealing and killing. We all don't have self-control 100% of the time. "ethical non-monogamy" is more an opinion than anything else. There is non-ethical monogamy, ya know.

We are all human. Your way works for you, but we're not you.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Dannip said:


> Gotta love that decisive, no nonsense wife. Happiness is that guy in the rear view mirror.
> 
> The fool is now someone else's problem.


Yes... people don't always leave because the things to overcome are hard, they leave because the things to overcome are simply not worth it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TaDor said:


> And all of us are capable of cheating, stealing and killing. We all don't have self-control 100% of the time. "ethical non-monogamy" is more an opinion than anything else. There is non-ethical monogamy, ya know.
> 
> We are all human. Your way works for you, but we're not you.


Many of us will never kill, cheat or steal. There is no such thing as ethical adultery. if you are not mature and have no self-control, then stay single.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> Many of us will never kill, cheat or steal. There is no such thing as ethical adultery. if you are not mature and have no self-control, then stay single.


There must be many people in prison who knew they would never kill, cheat or steal.

The discovery of their own fallibility must come as a terrible shock to them.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> There must be many people in prison who knew they would never kill, cheat or steal.
> 
> The discovery of their own fallibility must come as a terrible shock to them.


It's all in the interpretation. My exH and mother are the master of selective sight, hearing and vision. I think it is a dishonest way of dealing with people. But both of them are very comfortable saying "I would never lie."


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> There must be many people in prison who knew they would never kill, cheat or steal.
> 
> The discovery of their own fallibility must come as a terrible shock to them.


And yet so many never cheat or kill or rob someone.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Forgiveness and reconciliation are 2 different things.


Yes they are!


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> And yet so many never cheat or kill or rob someone.


The truth is the majority of marriages experience infidelity. 
Known or not.
Sucks. As we here know.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diana7 said:


> And yet so many never cheat or kill or rob someone.


You know, that's sounding a _tiny_ bit smug, @Diana7.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> The truth is the majority of marriages experience infidelity.
> Known or not.
> Sucks. As we here know.


A lot do yes, but not sure its the majority. I thought it was about half, which leaves countless millions who are faithful.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> You know, that's sounding a _tiny_ bit smug, @Diana7.


It's fact.


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