# Backsliding...



## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Today, I woke up very angry...It's been almost 7 months since the separation.
My husband has not done anything to fix the marriage or end it. We're just in limbo. I've told him that all the ball is in his court, if he wants to fix it, I will work with him, he just needs to give me some sort of a gameplan. If on the other hand, he wants a divorce, then I will sign it and will not give him any pain. I just want him to make a decision. Seven months in...still nothing from him.
I'm so angry...I am imagining all sorts of things to do in order to get even. I know it's not the proper way to think, but I'm just so angry today. Lately, I have been feeling ok, and thinking that I'm going to be alright. but today is one of those days, where I feel like I'm back to square one. When is this going to end???


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## Sod (Aug 20, 2011)

You seem to have given him complete say so in the outcome of your marriage. I understand the need to provide space but what do you want? Why should you have to wait - its your life/marriage too!


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

What do I want...I guess I want what most people here want. I want our marriage to work, I don't want to get a divorce, and that's why I left that decision to him. 
He keeps telling me he doesn't know where he's at. And that's probably why I'm so angry, I'm angry that I still love this person who has no backbone, and is weak in every way.
I guess I'm angry at myself for hoping that our marriage can still make it, and projecting it at my husband's inactions.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

ProfJ said:


> Today, I woke up very angry...It's been almost 7 months since the separation.
> My husband has not done anything to fix the marriage or end it. We're just in limbo. I've told him that all the ball is in his court, if he wants to fix it, I will work with him, he just needs to give me some sort of a gameplan. If on the other hand, he wants a divorce, then I will sign it and will not give him any pain. I just want him to make a decision. Seven months in...still nothing from him.
> I'm so angry...I am imagining all sorts of things to do in order to get even. I know it's not the proper way to think, but I'm just so angry today. Lately, I have been feeling ok, and thinking that I'm going to be alright. but today is one of those days, where I feel like I'm back to square one. When is this going to end???



I'm exactly where you are....almost 7 months on Sept. 3rd (three days from our 14 year Anniversary) - talk about depressing!

I left him though, after trying and trying to get thru to him.
He has written some letters (after he received a "separation agreement" from my attorney - I think this woke him up...A LITTLE) but hasn't done one single thing to try to fight for me or our marriage.

I've left so many open door conversations, texts, emails...etc.
Matter of fact, my email to him after his letters (which were all about HIM and how HE felt and how I made HIM feel) I let it all out. I basically TOLD him what to say to me....and....nothing.

So, my advice to you is....YOU decide what you want. Give him a deadline, TELL him what YOU need and if he can't step up....I promise you, he isn't going to. 

My stbexH told me he loved me, didn't want to continue down this path, I made him feel secure being home, being in love with him blah blah blah....but ACTIONS speak louder than words.

You know this, I know this.....

I know you are beating yourself up....don't! You are only human and still love this man......but take care yourself please.

I wish you the best....
I hope he wakes up! (((HUGS)))


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

Thank you girl...I wish there's a switch that we can turn off when our spouses behaves badly towards us.
Like you...I've opened so many doors, drove hundreds of miles, leaving a very important conference to be with him when his friend called me and told me he was sick.
I've texted and called, telling him I love him and missed him. Owned my part in the unravelling of our marriage.
And all it's doing is feeding his arrogance.
I need a slap on the side of my head...


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## drsparkle (Aug 7, 2011)

Profj 
are you still with him? are you still working it out?

PLease up date us


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

ProfJ said:


> Thank you girl...I wish there's a switch that we can turn off when our spouses behaves badly towards us.
> Like you...I've opened so many doors, drove hundreds of miles, leaving a very important conference to be with him when his friend called me and told me he was sick.
> I've texted and called, telling him I love him and missed him. Owned my part in the unravelling of our marriage.
> And all it's doing is feeding his arrogance.
> I need a slap on the side of my head...


:slap: <--------there I need one too!

He got served papers today....I'm a mess


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ProfJ said:


> Today, I woke up very angry...It's been almost 7 months since the separation.
> My husband has not done anything to fix the marriage or end it. We're just in limbo. I've told him that all the ball is in his court, if he wants to fix it, I will work with him, he just needs to give me some sort of a gameplan. If on the other hand, he wants a divorce, then I will sign it and will not give him any pain. I just want him to make a decision. *Seven months in...still nothing from him.*


His inaction to do anything is your answer. 

Stop doing this:



ProfJ said:


> Like you...I've opened so many doors, drove hundreds of miles, leaving a very important conference to be with him when his friend called me and told me he was sick.
> I've texted and called, telling him I love him and missed him. Owned my part in the unravelling of our marriage.
> And all it's doing is feeding his arrogance.
> I need a slap on the side of my head...


::SLAP:: 

Find your self-respect. If he wantd to work things out, he would put forth the effort. He hasn't, so he doesn't. 

Move on with your life. Limbo is... hell. And notice you are the one doing all the work and he's... doing nothing. Stop feeding him cake on a silver platter. You deserve better.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> His inaction to do anything is your answer.
> 
> Stop doing this:
> 
> ...


^ listen to her!

Ok....I love Jelly!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I also love jelly (strawberry to be exact!) I kid


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## ProfJ (Jul 28, 2011)

I know...I know...:loser:

For somebody who has a doctorate, a college professor...I sure lost all my marbles when it came to my marriage.

People tell me I deserve better, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

DrSparkle, I moved to an apartment when he told me that our marriage is hopeless, and he thinks that it's time for us to separate.
I basically was a doormat after the separation. He would ask me out to lunch and dinner, and I would drop anything to be with him, and then he had the audacity to tell me that he sometimes worry about asking me out since he doesn't want me to think that it's a road to reconciliation. WTF??!!!
I guess deep in my heart, I'm thinking that the best revenge I can get is to shower this man with kindness, because the more he rejects me, the more I am convinced that I am better off without him and it's easier to dissolve the marriage knowing that I did everything I can to save it. I will have no regrets in the future.
I take my Christian vows seriously, even to the point of whipping myself silly.


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