# I caught him.....



## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

Last weekend I caught my husband cheating. I had been suspicious for about a month. He started a new job and all of a sudden his cell phone was MIA and he was on our home phone with her at 10:00 p.m. (right after I went to bed). I casually asked him what was going on and he said she was a friend. I told him I trusted that nothing inappropriate was going on. Then he started going out every night and not coming home, still I naively trusted him. He said he was out with his new co-workers.

Last Saturday he left our house at 12:30 p.m. and didn't return home all night. I was blowing up his cell phone every 10 minutes, and he didn't even have the respect to call me back. That's when I went to our cell phone bill, which is in my name. There were over 1000+ minutes in calls to one number and 800+ texts to that same number. I was devastated. I kept calling him and out of desperation got into his voicemail where I found three voicemails from her. A friend doesn't call another woman's husband, "baby", "sweetie", and especially "The kids are at their dad's and I want to see you." 

Through reverse phone lookup I confirmed the cell phone number and to make it worse I had seen the same number on our home phone. Wrong or not, I texted this woman and hold her to tell my husband to bring his ass home. He turned his cell phone off and she texted me back a nasty gram. It was so defensive it smelled of guilt.

He finally got home at 11:00 a.m. on Sunday. I played him the three voicemails I have retrieved from his cell phone and I was sobbing. He showed no remorse and didn't even say he was sorry. He looked me straight in the face and told me I was a crazy and paranoid b**** and she was just a friend.

Still emotional I logged into his Facebook and sent her a message as him. For the record, his FB info is saved on my computer where he had last logged on. Days went by and she took the bait and replied back that she misses her baby. This is not my proudest moment, but emotion took over. They have both since deactivated their Facebook pages, as have I. This is also my closure. She's just as stupid as he is. Even after they had both been confronted you would think she would think twice about responded to some out of the blue Facebook message from him. But, whatever....

After 16 years of marriage we're headed to divorce. The cheating is awful. I don't even care that he doesn't love me anymore, but what hurts the most is not showing any remorse or even saying that he's sorry to his wife of 16 years. It's cruel and it's torture. Plus, they are still communicating, although not as frequently, and he's still been spending the night at her house. I have never known people to be this cruel and hurtful.

I can only imagine the lies that he is telling her....

I'm going back to my therapist tomorrow to help me deal with all of this, but in the meantime I would love any advice on how to get through this.

Thank you.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

SOrry you are here....YOu are doing the right thing by getting rid of him...

Yes the "just friends" thing is a huge red flag. I bought it too at first until I saw emails stating that it was more than that.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Leave his cheating ass... Expose the truth to their family members, co workers etc. 

Do not look back! 
I am so sorry you are going through this, the pain you are feeling must be so incinerating....


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I am so sorry you are going through this. I would boot him to the curb. He does not deserve you. There is never a excuse for cheating. I would ask him to leave and start NC with him. 

Let that rattle his cage. Call your cell phone provider and get logs of the txt. Save them for court. 



Clay


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

I printed out the actual cell phone bill, so I have that along with some other pieces of info. I didn't know cell phone companies could give you logs of the actual text messages. I would love to see what they had to say to each other.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

The only thing I can say positive about his lack of remorse and continued contact; is that it leaves you with no doubts about what to do.

Gather your evidence and secure it. Expose him to your family and his. Find out if the OW has a partner and expose her if so. Separate your finances. See if you can get him to leave the house. If not separate him from your bedroom and implement the 180 to detach.

Use your anger to overwhelm your hurt. Then go find a good attorney, start the divorce and get ready to play hard ball on his cheating @ss.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

I keep replaying the voicemails from her to remind myself of what he's doing and it helps getting me really pissed off. Already consulted an atty. 

Now, she has two kids. How can I confirm if she's divorced or in the middle of a divorce? I know this can definitely screw up custody agreements if they're not divorced yet.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Start with a Google search on her name. If you have her phone number there are a number of reverse look up services that may or may not work, like spokeo.com. There are also services like that for e-mail. Others here can give you good advise also.

You can hire a PI to get her information if all else fails.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I don't think I would go so far with getting a PI. Its clear you already know he is cheating. 

I guess you really just have to decide what you want to do. 

Do you want to stay with him and try to get him to end this affair? 


Clay


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know should do the job. There's even a feature for sending the link to people!

The profile of the top cheater at this link My General Blog: Be afraid, UK cheaters. CheaterVille has come to the UK has been viewed a cool 1,508,530 times.

*So well over 1.5 million people know what a cheater he is! *:FIREdevil:


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## rubpy3 (Nov 19, 2013)

I know how you feel... I just recently exposed a PA that wife was having. After confronting, she showed no sign of remorse or regret, and only told me she wants to have some fun.

More salt in the wound is that she thought of nothing of my intelligence. Several times she even asked me to drive her to their little rendezvous. She told me that she's meeting girlfriends for coffee, than right after I leave she would text him.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

rubpy3 said:


> I know how you feel... I just recently exposed a PA that wife was having. After confronting, she showed no sign of remorse or regret, and only told me she wants to have some fun.
> 
> More salt in the wound is that she thought of nothing of my intelligence. Several times she even asked me to drive her to their little rendezvous. She told me that she's meeting girlfriends for coffee, than right after I leave she would text him.


Um.. I would have been used like that she would be lucky I did not drop her off out in the middle of no where and taken her phone. Wished her and her new man good luck. 

That would have really pissed me off. 

Clay


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Keep that information and when you divorce him sue her.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

This is a case where you have to act fast as lightning.

No begging, no more crying in front of him. No sign of weakness, no matter how hard. He's staying out all night after 16 years of marriage and they're 'just friends'? This is cruel, as you say, and you should act immediately to reestablish your pride and self-respect.

Immediately file for divorce. ASAP. Don't give him a chance to blink. File and throw him out. The quicker you can do this the faster he will see what he faces as a POS cheater.


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## ne9907 (Jul 17, 2013)

Thebes said:


> Keep that information and when you divorce him sue her.


Oh wow.... I wish I would have done that!!!! No better revenge. I love it!


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Do as AlteDame says. 

It should be fairly easy to find her Ex and clue him in quickly. As for it messing with her custody. I have my doubts about that. They really don't seem to frown on mom being a slvt from what I've seen, and heard.

As for getting the actual texts between the two you need a subpoena. I don't know of a cell company that stores the actual body of the text for you to just ask for. There are ways you can retrieve them from his phone if you care to try to get your hands on it.

He's given you all you need and there is no remorse on his end. So he's doing you a favor. Move head with a good plan for divorce. Let him and the tramp have lots of time together. It usually dawns on one of them they are in bed with a dirty cheater at that point.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Start making this affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible.

Find the OWH and contact him at let him know whats going on. He diserves to know what his childrens mother is do and with whom.

Expose this to everyone by asking for their support in the marriage. Even his employer my give you some support...at the very least inform them that your hausband has a new address and give them the OW name and address. Let them figure out the rest.

Don't forget to take half the money out of the bank account and start up your own personal account...also stop any joint acounts.

If you can find OW parents then contact them and ask them for their support for your marriage.

See when it come to exposure you don;t want to sound like a jealous wife going thru a divorce...but a women looking for support to save the marriage. Even if this marriage is toast the OW will get more sh1t from others when they find out that the guy she is seeing has a wife that wants to work on her marriage.

Also inform them that you had a good marriage until your H met OW and in a short time frame the marriage has been slipping away.
This makes it sound like your marriage has been good until OW came along.

See the statagy here?

Your asking for support for a recent issue in an other wise strong marriage veruse telling everyone what a POS the OW is.

Trust me, once you start contacting OW peeps, she will be pissed. Especially if you come off as the wife fighting for her marriage versus a ex wife that is going thru a divorce after years of an unhealthy marriage.

I hope this damge control tactic helps you when you start exposing this "friendship" for what it really is.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Thebes said:


> Keep that information and when you divorce him sue her.


Yes another way to make the affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible is by naming the OW in the divorce papers....

Make sure your old man is served at work.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Turn off his cell.

Just one more tactic in making the affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

the guy said:


> Turn off his cell.
> 
> Just one more tactic in making the affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible.


Legally I shut my wife's cell off. She had a burner phone she used with the XOM, but it cut her off from some of her toxic friends for a while. And yes she complained, but her attorney said she could not do a thing about it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If he's staying at her place, have him served there. It will go on record where and when he was served.


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

Thank you all so much for your support. Emotionally, at least for now, I'm feeling better. I'm trying to focus on the future and I know they will both get what they deserve in the end.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Hope for better days for you.

Your H will regret his cheating. My WW someday will regret hers.

If she will cheat with him, she will cheat on him. 

File and get him out of your hair. Go NC as much as possible.


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## Yankee99 (Nov 4, 2013)

The no remorse and continued lying hurts just as much as the cheating, in my opinion.

You are right to leave and I wish you strength and peace to get through it.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

BRB

Secure your finances.

Then get legal advice.

HM


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## BRB (Mar 16, 2011)

Tomorrow's the big day....plus, the PI caught his ass. He just sent me the final report. Feeling empowered right now.


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