# I am the bad person now??



## baseballmom (May 1, 2011)

Well ever since my H texted me alittle over a month ago saying he wanted a divorce ASAP after almost 9 years of marriage I started thinking he was cheating on me. 

So last weekend I just happend to be driving taking my kids to get ice cream in a nearby city that I wasn't familiar with when I saw some girl driving my husbands truck! WTF I know right?!? So I made a U-turn and by the time I got in the housing area his truck was not in sight, so I was driving around looking for it and luckily it's not hard to find and eventually I found it. Well I parked and texted him to see what he was doing. (FYI he is military and says he is always working) So of course he texted back and said he was in the field on a range. 

I was like well that's kind of funny because I was taking the boys to get ice cream and saw a girl driving your truck which is parked outside some house.. Would love to know what's going on. And then he went on to say it's his friends wife that was driving it as they are moving, bla bla bla. Don't know what to believe. And then he tried saying why was I following and all this stuff. 

Well I still don't believe that story and don't even know if he wasn't in the house and didn't go to the door to find out because my boys were in the car so I don't know where to believe him or not.

So this morning I needed to go to walmart and there was one near the house where the whole incident last weekend occured. So I decided to take a drive passed there this morning and sure enough his truck was there again! So I text him and asked where he was at and he said that he was at his office and would be heading to the field. And I was like why are you lieing to be because I just drove by that house and your truck is parked in the driveway! And he said that he drove there and got a ride with his friend since they were both going to the office so they didn't waste gas.. Well I have never met any of his friends so I really don't know what to believe.. 

And now he is making it out like I am stalking him and he has been betrayed and all this stuff... Not to mention earlier last week I caught him in another lie about playing softball. He left our sons baseball game so he could go and play for his softball team!! WTF And I drove up there to confront him about it.. I just can't believe anything he says to me.. And he wonders why I am the way I am.. 

Any thoughts or suggestions on what I should do?? I told him my trust is gone right now because he keeps lieing to me. But for him to feel betrayed like I did something wrong! :scratchhead:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He's lying.
You already know that. The woman driving his truth is probably the person he's cheating on you with. 
My advice: don't call him anymore. He left and abandoned you a month ago and isn't being straight w/ you. Only discuss co-parenting from now on w/ him.
DO NOT PURSUE HIM or go crazy texting him. It will make things worse. He knows you're not stupid but is hoping you will be dense enough to believe his stories.
Let him go.


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## Cypress (May 26, 2011)

You could go back to the house and ask the woman at the door to verify the story.

Then if you don't like the answer, use your spare keys for the truck and take it home with you.

Since he is in the military, he can be prosecuted for having an affair. Just talk to the JAG office and give them as much info as you can. He will either be demoted or discharged.


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## baseballmom (May 1, 2011)

I know I should just drop it. I am filing the divorce paperwork on thursday anyways so he's getting what he wants. I guess once the boys and I leave the state and go back home at the end of June he will realize what he really had. 

Cypress we aren't in a state that has an active duty military base so there aren't any Jag offices here to go to. I wouldn't want to get him in trouble to the point were he got in trouble by getting demoted/discharged because then that would affect my children getting the support/health care they need from him. That's the only reason why I wouldn't go to his command.

It's just frustrating when you know they are lying and they just won't man up and tell you the truth! What do they have to lose when your getting a divorce anyways?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I recommend against filing the divorce paperwork. You've been married 9 years. He's in the military. Stick around for another year and I'm pretty sure you get half of his military pension. I think the cut-off is still 10 years. Not sure how old either of you are or what his rank is, but if he puts in 20 years active, he gets a pension for life complete with cost of living adjustments every year. You are in the driver's seat in this situation. He wants out and it looks like he's fooling around, maybe with another Soldier or another Soldier's wife. He could have an awful lot to lose. He has big reasons to keep you reasonably happy and quiet. If he's involved with some little thing, he's not thinking clearly and will probably sign whatever's put in front of him. I would pretend to know nothing about any other woman and I'd pretend to be completely opposed to getting a divorce. Suggest marriage counseling to him. The idea is to delay and play the part of the devoted wife and mother. Let him dig his own pit. Don't follow him yourself. Don't accuse him of adultary. Quietly squirrel away some money and if you need evidence of an adultary, hire a good PI. Husband is more likely to be careless if he doesn't believe you suspect him. If he is active duty and retires at age 40, you're looking at maybe 40+ years of pension and medical benefits. If he's a National Guard or Reserve soldier and starts drawing retired pay at age 60, you're still looking at maybe 20+ years of pension and medical. Either way, it's worth another year of being technically married.


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## baseballmom (May 1, 2011)

Unbelievable thank you for the advice. The only thing is if I don't file he is and I would rather be in the drivers seat here not him. He has been in for 8 years so far and is planning on retiring. We did discuss the pension part of his benefits and even though we haven't been married for 10 years yet I can still get part of his pension. The only difference is instead of it coming automatically from the government it can be arranged to be set up to come directly from the payment that he receives. He has agreed to give me the portion of his pension that I am entitled to and my lawyer will be putting that into the paperwork. Before I even mentioned that I was entitled to part of his pension even though we haven't been married 10 years to my H he said he wanted to give me part of it. 

So it's like on one hand he is being a jerk and lying about things but then on the other hand he says he doesn't want to screw me over and wants to make sure the boys and I are taken care of. I don't get him sometimes..


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

baseballmom said:


> but then on the other hand he says he doesn't want to screw me over and wants to make sure the boys and I are taken care of. I don't get him sometimes..


Don't believe a word of that! Trust only your attorney in this arena. I kept hearing things like that for five years. My estranged husband never intended to keep that promise or any other promise. A cheater is the biggest liar of all. In addition, they are selfish--and intend to look after no one but themselves.


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