# I'm so confused....



## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Sunday, good day, did some things around the house. Spend some family time at a local lake. Came home helped with dinner, roasted marshmallows, watched the night sky for meteors. Went to bed. Complimented her, talked to her respectfully etc. Today same thing. Went to work, came home, saw that she arrived went to help with unloading the car, playfully teased her, began the dishes, she asked me in a curt way to help. Felt she was overwhelmed and began dishes. Got a supreme headache after dinner, ( while still working on the dishes ) grabbed a couple of glasses of water, took an asprin, went to lye down and relax while the asprins took effect. Played acoustic guitar while doing this. She came in the house freaked out at me, called me lazy, and generally got angry because I was playing guitar while she was folding laundry. Explained to her that I had a headache and had taken some aspirin. She said that didn't matter because she keeps working around the house when sometimes she feels like throwing up. I explained to her that that was her choice. More anger from her. I did continue doing the dishes ( three loads washed, dried and put away.) 

She goes up stairs. I go up later to talk. No anger from me, plenty from her. Tells me to leave her alone. To disengage as she calls it. ( see thread entitled She said "no" in GRD ) 

Then she called me an *******.... WTF? 

Am I being stupid here. I asked her if she wanted to spend the next 15 years like we've spent the last? Meaning I sit alone downstairs, she spends all her time upstairs and NEVER says goodnight to me. She said yes. Am I blind, does she even give a sh#t about me or us anymore?


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## suzziegirl (Aug 14, 2012)

Hey thanks for reply to my question. Gee I see why you are confused....
I think you guys should have a heart to heart.
In reply to you comments on my situation I do still have sex with my husband and enjoy it but he seems to love hearing what I did with the other guy. I am so tempted by his suggestion but wondered if many other wives have had their hubbies wanting this or what guys like yourself think of this situation


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

suzziegirl said:


> Hey thanks for reply to my question. Gee I see why you are confused....
> I think you guys should have a heart to heart.
> In reply to you comments on my situation I do still have sex with my husband and enjoy it but he seems to love hearing what I did with the other guy. I am so tempted by his suggestion but wondered if many other wives have had their hubbies wanting this or what guys like yourself think of this situation


I did try having a heart to heart as you put it. It ended up as I reported. lol.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

You just need to do chores with out even being asked, you need to work together, you know the jobs have to be done in the house hold.

Now when i get a headache as in migraine is the only headache i have to rest with and i have to be in a darken room actually laying down, you were fit and healthy to play guitar.

Yeah right you had a headache, all whist she is doing all the house hold chores.

Don't expect to do things and that she will then be grateful, because if you lived on your own you'd be having to do alot more than washing dishes, it should be a team effort.

Big red flag for me is that she had to ask you to help, she felt overwhelm did she tell you this.

By the way who cooked dinner?

And is the laundry also not yours?

I totally understand your wife, i think now i'd call you the same as your wife did.

You don't give a **** about her.




CanadianGuy said:


> I explained to her that that was her choice. More anger from her.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n5Kp6O181DE&playnext=1&list=PL9529F2F9F86F20DF&feature=results_video


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

She must have a lot of resentment towards you


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

coming from a situation where every time I asked for help on housework my ex was suddenly sick to his stomach, or had a head ache or any of that when it was time for him to participate, I wouldn't buy it either.

and seriously, playing guitar while trying to "recover" from a headache? really? 

I'd have reacted the same exact way your wife did. Not because I didn't care about my husband, but because I personally didn't get married to fill the role of "mommy" to another adult. After asking for help on basic things, it starts to feel like that.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Whoa, okay. lol. She did apologize first thing this morning for calling me lazy and also said she recognized that I have been pulling my weight. When I went to lie down I had already done some dishes. I did not have a migraine but was simply allowing the aspirin to kick in. When I say play guitar it was gentle strumming. It allowed me to get my mind of my headache. That is the first time in my life I've every had to stop something because of a headache. I agree I should not have to be asked. I'm only human. Thanks for the feedback.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

I don't like it if my H agrees to do something, and then half - a%$*$ it. 

How often do you help around the house? When you do, what kinds of things do you do?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Dude, you seriously posted this in the wrong forum. I highly suggest you get it moved to the mens clubhouse. You're a nice guy and you need to fix it.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> I don't like it if my H agrees to do something, and then half - a%$*$ it.
> 
> How often do you help around the house? When you do, what kinds of things do you do?


I help in and around the house everyday. Lawn, garbage, dishes, cooking, laundry, fixing things ( that can take a bit to research parts and order them etc- it gets done though ) Making the bed, general tidying, wood chopping and stacking, ( get prepared for winter ) I am very good at cleaning up after myself. Childcare/parenting. I will say I don't do everything on the above list everyday but will do some of the things as necessary. I do cleaning as well but we are encouraging the kids to pitch in too so they have responsibilities as well. Although sometimes it takes longer to encourage them than the job takes. lol.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Dude, you seriously posted this in the wrong forum. I highly suggest you get it moved to the mens clubhouse. You're a nice guy and you need to fix it.


Thanks WOM. Originally I was looking for a woman's perspective on this just in case I'd missed something in the complexity of it all. I am currently evaluating my relationship. I'm having serious doubts about a lot of things. I'm not sure if I want to continue or not. I sure want a change and believe that I need to change myself first as I am living with inner turmoil first and foremost. I did the nice guy test and yes I am. lol. But I think I already knew that I was. Funny how you think you're doing the right thing and it turns out to be exactly the opposite.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

Playing guitar while you're waiting for your aspirin to take effect is a little contradictory. If you can play guitar, you can help clean. Somehow, I think there is another side to this story.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

lifeisnotsogood said:


> Playing guitar while you're waiting for your aspirin to take effect is a little contradictory. If you can play guitar, you can help clean. Somehow, I think there is another side to this story.


There is nothing else to the story. Thats it. Picture a man lying on a bed with an acoustic guitar lightly fingerpicking the strings. Not energeticly rocking the house. Was doing that for about 5 mins before she got pissed. Seriously? Frankly her behavior was over the top. She did apologize however. But only after I confronted her on her behavior. For the record I had done a bunch of other household stuff that day.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

CanadianGuy said:


> I help in and around the house everyday. Lawn, garbage, dishes, cooking, laundry, fixing things ( that can take a bit to research parts and order them etc- it gets done though ) Making the bed, general tidying, wood chopping and stacking, ( get prepared for winter ) I am very good at cleaning up after myself. Childcare/parenting. I will say I don't do everything on the above list everyday but will do some of the things as necessary. I do cleaning as well but we are encouraging the kids to pitch in too so they have responsibilities as well. Although sometimes it takes longer to encourage them than the job takes. lol.


Ok.....so that's awesome!

I don't really know why your W would come down so hard on you about the dishes then, being that you so willingly help her around the house...and often. 

My only other guess is that maybe she was having a bad day? :scratch head:

If I were you in that situation, I would have quickly reminded her how much you DO do around the house. Sometimes people take for granted what they are so used to having.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

snickers... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/957767-post63.html

so pray do tell about doing less around the house.

really some guys


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> Ok.....so that's awesome!
> 
> I don't really know why your W would come down so hard on you about the dishes then, being that you so willingly help her around the house...and often.
> 
> ...


Yes, thanks. Here is the thing. If I get into it, it becomes a this/that kind of defense. I did not want to become defensive about the issue I have a good sense of what I accomplish around here. lol. We had had a really good day up till that point. (I thought anyway.) At least she apologized. not for calling me an a##hole though. She apologized for calling me lazy. I'm pretty fed up and am doing a 180 here so how I really feel on the inside is not showing on the outside. My stomach is in knots/empty feeling most of the time as I'm v unhappy. Have kids in the relationship too so that is killing me really. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

cloudwithleggs said:


> snickers... http://talkaboutmarriage.com/957767-post63.html
> 
> so pray do tell about doing less around the house.
> 
> really some guys


Thanks for mentioning that post. I will say that this "was" true. It was really an experiment. Until i realized the immature behavior on my part. It was spiteful and uncaring and just not me. Also I have children and do not believe that it sets a good example to be a lazy person in general. I have since changed back to my original ways of helpfulness as I feel better about myself to do so.


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

CanadianGuy said:


> Yes, thanks. Here is the thing. If I get into it, it becomes a this/that kind of defense. I did not want to become defensive about the issue I have a good sense of what I accomplish around here. lol. We had had a really good day up till that point. (I thought anyway.) At least she apologized. not for calling me an a##hole though. She apologized for calling me lazy. I'm pretty fed up and am doing a 180 here so how I really feel on the inside is not showing on the outside. My stomach is in knots/empty feeling most of the time as I'm v unhappy. Have kids in the relationship too so that is killing me really. I just don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.


That's good that she apologized (for the lazy comment)

There must be deeper issues then I'm suspecting...does this happen a lot?


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> That's good that she apologized (for the lazy comment)
> 
> There must be deeper issues then I'm suspecting...does this happen a lot?


Yes. Can't say for sure how often but it's to often. There is deeper issues. Being here on TAM and reading posts has been a great help.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

My first thought was it was a matter of her having a bad day. It seems that this is not the case though.

Is it possible she is experiencing stress from something unrelated to you but that she takes out on you? Say a problematic boss or something like that? Sometimes we lash out at the people who least deserve it because we're most comfortable with them.


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