# After three and a half years finally



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

So, man guys it has been rough. 

I don't really know how to explain the ups and the downs of all this. In the beginning I wanted reconciliation because of fear of physical health. I needed to stay married for insurance, for the kids, for the fact that I was a stay at home mom for 10 years... Little work history....Literally a hundred reasons to stay. 

Here is how it all went D-day to about 2 months. DISTRAUGHT lost about 20-30 lbs. Starved because hunger pain was my therapy...(sick in the head) It was like cutting, only the pain of hunger. Felt good to physically hurt because my mind was in so much pain my body needed to physically bring it to the surface. 

2 months- 6 months, I was planning my suicide. I made the date for october 15th that year. I had a plan too, but i gave myself months to fulfill my business in life. Luckily by the time I was at the month of October I didn't want to die anymore. (i still did not feel better but at LEAST i wanted to live) My husband was not aware that I was planning my death. 

At the time of me wanting to live i got enraged. (Stages of grief, well now it was anger and wrath) My husband who had been trying to reconcile and messing up because both partners stumble along the path... he was needing to stand up for bad treatment from me and vice versa. We argued more often than not. We did not look forward to having kids leave for the weekend because we knew that we would have a fight of EPIC proportions just because. 

We tried talking about the cheating once a week in the first year, to not often the second. Hands down the second year was my worst I think. I hated him, but loved the memory of us before. I wanted a divorce but was stuck. We fought and fought about anything and everything but in the end it always came back to YOU CHEATED! 

Tried counseling for myself, turned out stupid, tried three counselors. 
He tried but stopped when the first counselor told him she could not help him.... He felt rejected so he never went back for help. 

Year three we were doing okay, then not again in march april. I was so done, so exhausted, just finished with the BULL crap that our marriage had become. I didn't care about plans, dreams, love, I was over. 

Somehow my husband saw that I was seeing the doctor and talking about my depression and ADHD and asking to see not just a therapist but a psychologist. I got rediagnosed as ADHD, among other small little things. So my husband saw me go so he decided to go too. In the end he found out a lot about himself. Got on depression meds and he is ADHD too... So two dysfunctional people trying to work things out. 

We have been doing great since the doctor visits. He is attentive, caring, always trying to help...he gets snappy sometimes often when I was snappy first, so that is not a bad thing. We fight rarely now... 

He is on depression meds so has ED right now and we have had a poor sex life for the last few months. But it is not the end of the world. 

Last week after trying strattera and an anti anxiety med for two months I begged my doctor for something different. i was tired, and more depressed than ever before. So he said, why not try wellbutrine. 

One week later I am so much happier... The marriage is on calm footing right now and things are better than ever before. We have both quit smoking pot, (legal here) and my husband has been applying to the big four. Google, Facebook, Amazon and Microsoft for a variety of positions he is qualified for. He had long beautiful reddish brown hair to his mid back, literally the most beautiful head of hair and it's on a man. (The gods are unfair) We cut it, he looks like a boss. 

The jobs he is applying for are dizzying. He has worked for the government in actually a very prestigious sector for 10 years and is grossly underpaid for his line of work. Going private industry like the tech companies will land him about 30 to 40k more a year, and in his level likely a staggering signing bonus... and yearly bonuses... So in total we are looking at almost 100k more than his current situation. 

We have our fingers crossed, he just started sending out resumes and started networking with recruiters over at all the companies. And all companies are hiring in mass. 

We never imagined this path and it kind of came to me because I am clearer headed. I told him to GTFO of the shipyard, they were sucking his soul dry. 

We are both super excited about the future. 

I also started a Nano degree certification In digital marketing. Preparing myself to find a decent job. The wife of a Google products manager does not work for Subway. LOL. 

Things are good, and why are they good? I stopped pointing the finger and playing the victim. Yes I was the victim, totally but I was not acting in a way that helped reconciliation. 

I started taking better care of myself, it started with my mental health. When he saw me working on myself and our marriage headed to divorce he also sought help for himself. 

We are actually happy right now. We are improving our life and being a team. We are looking to be making DOUBLE what we get now and I am also working towards a career of my own. 

Life is good. Why? We both started owning our ****.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Great news and happy for you!


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

threelittlestars said:


> So, man guys it has been rough.
> 
> I don't really know how to explain the ups and the downs of all this. In the beginning I wanted reconciliation because of fear of physical health. I needed to stay married for insurance, for the kids, for the fact that I was a stay at home mom for 10 years... Little work history....Literally a hundred reasons to stay.
> 
> ...


This is an awesome post. 

My only concern is your discussion about money. I really hope he gets the better job and is able to earn more. But earning more won't bring happiness. 

Please focus on the other things you mention (getting healthy, helping each other, etc.).


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Hopefully more good will and times ahead keep coming your way. You earned it and will be repaid in this life and in the next!


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

SadSamIAm said:


> This is an awesome post.
> 
> My only concern is your discussion about money. I really hope he gets the better job and is able to earn more. But earning more won't bring happiness.
> 
> Please focus on the other things you mention (getting healthy, helping each other, etc.).


Of course money is not the object, but the working together to improve our life together is.  Financial stress often strained us and helped contribute to our black cloud of three years. But totally agree, money is not the object. But its just a fact. Seattle private industry pays and values employees than where he has been. Work has deeply depressed him where he has been ten years. He needed a change even if it was a linear one.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

It's nice to hear a victory once in awhile. Congratulations. 

Many blessings for the years of love and affection for years to come....


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Beautiful update!


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Sounds like you both are on the right track for long term success! 

Best of wishes!

P.S. Wondering why you stopped using pot. I thought it doesn't "hurt" anybody? (I don't use it, and am prejudiced against its recreational use. However since it was legalized in our state, I'm trying to be open minded and learn more about its benefits.)


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> Sounds like you both are on the right track for long term success!
> 
> Best of wishes!
> 
> P.S. Wondering why you stopped using pot. I thought it doesn't "hurt" anybody? (I don't use it, and am prejudiced against its recreational use. However since it was legalized in our state, I'm trying to be open minded and learn more about its benefits.)


Pot, well I love it. It does great things, but if doctors start studying it more they will find chronic smokers of pot often get very depressed. Happened/happening to friends and myself. It is a GREAT sleep aid. I have a lot of pain so it helped BUT i found it was contributing to a LOT of unhealthy habits. 

Over eating
Lazy
Procrastination
underachieving 

Dont get me wrong, you can be brilliant and have a brilliant career but if you do enough of it daily it will bring you down. I think it should be legalized, and am supportive of it staying that way, but im not gonna partake anymore. It was not enhancing my life and it was a bad habit. Just like cigarets. 

And anyone who says Pot is not bad for you is lying or an idiot. I have known it was gunking up my lungs for years. I had a chronic cough... Not as bad as cigarets, but still not good. 

It is a great pain reliever, lowers anxiety in many people (while it heightens in others). You are mellow on weed and probably too chill to be a danger to anyone unless behind the wheel. 

It's nice...Recreationally. Habitually...Don't go there.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

I've thought about it, but I absolutely hate the smell, as well as how it makes me feel. (I tried it a few times in my 20's.) I'd rather drink a glass of wine! It tastes better, smells better and doesn't make me have weird 60's psychedelic stupid thoughts along with paranoia, a dry mouth and the munchies.

Funny story. When in my 20's when I was "trying" it a few times, I thought I had the most genius ideas. The last time I tried it, I decided to write the idea down and read it the next morning.

When I read it the next morning it was the most stupid thing! I don't remember what the genius idea was, but it was something akin to: "If you want to keep something fresh, put it in the refrigerator." Or "Lined curtains will keep a room darker when the sun comes up."

LOL.


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## AKA Broken Arrow (Feb 19, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> When I read it the next morning it was the most stupid thing! I don't remember what the genius idea was, but it was something akin to: "If you want to keep something fresh, put it in the refrigerator." Or "Lined curtains will keep a room darker when the sun comes up."
> 
> LOL.



One of my favorite weed ideas back when I used to smoke was “people should retire to Minnesota and not Florida because when you want to preserve something, you put it in the freezer!”

It actually still seems like a good idea in theory. LOL

Glad to hear things are improving OP.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Threelittlestars 

I am so happy for both you and your husband, you have come to know peace and love with happiness once again. Reconciliation is very difficult, as you know, but you should be proud of both your efforts. It’s obvious you both have strength and perseverance along with love for each other. It’s not easy, but in a year from now you will discover just how much it is worth it. Your marriage won’t be perfect, you’ll still argue from time to time, but your coping skills will bring you through. 

One must be able to deep reflect on yourself, discover and embrace their flaws. Then one must commit to fixing themselves while learning how to love ones self. Then you can love others and accept their flaws. You have both reflected deeply, made changes, and owned ones behavior. That is a huge character and moral change you have both made. I’m so happy to read you are doing well and happy in your life. God bless you both.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Araucaria said:


> *I've thought about it, but I absolutely hate the smell*, as well as how it makes me feel. (I tried it a few times in my 20's.) I'd rather drink a glass of wine! It tastes better, smells better and doesn't make me have weird 60's psychedelic stupid thoughts along with paranoia, a dry mouth and the munchies.
> 
> Funny story. When in my 20's when I was "trying" it a few times, I thought I had the most genius ideas. The last time I tried it, I decided to write the idea down and read it the next morning.
> 
> ...


i hated the smell too when i first started. I used to say it smells like puke! Haha. Got over that once I enjoyed smoking it. Now the smell is not bad. In fact it is now associated with a good smell to me. But I totally understand what you say about it stinking. Good weed stinks bad.


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