# OLD questions.. One profile and other meeting someone in RL I know has a proflile



## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I am looking to eventually, maybe put up a OLD profile again.. 

What I was considering doing was being very serious about it.. Not looking to be witty and humorous.. 

But something that HONESTLY describes my life situation. 

Expresses what I can offer someone relationship wise but also list my demands as well. 

As an example I might put down something along the lines of 

I am looking for a woman who has never woken up at 6AM in her life but is willing to do that for me.. That she finds me so important in her life as a partner that she is willing to wake up at 6AM for me.. 

Mind you that might not be the best wording but my point with that is basically saying I am looking for a person who understands they have to give themselves in a relationship.. Its not about what I can get.. 

This reflects back on the fact that the ExGF who professed her love for me clearly stated she couldn't get up to take her kids to school in the morning and that is why her mother does it.. 

I want to weed out people like that.. I want to express that I understand that a relationship does have compromises and am willing to make changes, but I need someone who does it as well. 

There is more but I think I am just asking for a general consensus of would women appreciate reading something just straight and from the heart and making it clear what I am looking for in a partner.. 

Another example is wanting to know the Monday through Friday person and not just the person that meets me on a Saturday night.. Because we all know Saturday night person wants to make the best impression, whereas Monday through Friday person is busy working and lets their hair down.. 

Again reflecting back on my past relationship I see that the weekend person is way, way different then the RL person.. When we started dating she was on time most of the time.. When it got serious she was NEVER on time for anything.. 

*The second part*

I seen a woman that I recognized has as OLD profile on POF... I don't have one as I mentioned, but I remember seeing her before.. Me and my coworker found her again on POF. Actually he did.. 

So I was thinking of introducing myself but being honest that I seen her OLD profile and I feel I have the inside on her and a somewhat unfair advantage.. I don't need to use any of it to make an impression.. Either she digs me or she doesn't.. 

What I was also thinking of doing is making up a profile real quick and saying hi to her and then visiting her the next day.. 

Again my issue is I know where she works and again even being a cop and she knows I'm a cop because she sees my shield and gun and my shirt with my unit on it.. I still feel a bit weird about intruding at her place of work, which is a pharmacy chain.. she is a pharmacist.. 

I feel its a bit creepy.. 

I was thinking of actually expressing that in my message to her.. Which I honestly thought would make a good impression and come off well instead of doing some live profile of myself.. 

One of my jokes would have been all my pics are recent.. Since I would be there in person in front of her.. 

So Whats the feel here on these two things..


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

As a pharmacist myself, I would totally advise against approaching her at work. It would be super creepy in my opinion. I've had my share of pharmacy stalkers over the years, and hiding in the bathroom gets old after a while. I would make a profile and approach her that way. Leave the ball in her court. just my two sense.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Hardtohandle said:


> I am looking to eventually, maybe put up a OLD profile again..
> 
> What I was considering doing was being very serious about it.. Not looking to be witty and humorous..
> 
> ...


The "all my pics are recent" is pretty funny. I'd laugh . BUT, with that said, yes, do NOT approach her at her place of work! Creepy. Create a profile and approach her that way. Also, DROP the "I seen her." Sorry if that offends you, but if she's a pharmacist she is probably educated and that poor grammar can be a HUGE turnoff. It is for me. I can't stand to hear someone say "I seen." It is never (ever) grammatically correct. Finally, do NOT say that about 6AM in your profile--and this is coming from someone who typically wakes up before 5:30. I'm a morning person. But, you sound demanding. I do like what you had to say about knowing the M-F person, though. That is very sincere!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

In all honesty (and it may vary from city to city), POF is not a very good place if you are looking for a serious relationship. You may get lucky, and it doesn't hurt to put up a profile, but do not invest much into it emotionally. You might pour your heart and soul onto your profile and get no notice whatsoever (while in the meantime the douche canoe lifting his shirt to show his abs while drinking beer on his inflatable dingy is getting all the attention even from the kind of women you think you are targetting).

OLD is a numbers game which makes it much more difficult than IRL to actually meet someone worth getting to know well.

If you want hits on POF, then show how much fun you are, photos where your guy friends are having a good time with you, photos that show you enjoying defeating your opponents at competitions, and add in a very small touch of cheesy sentiment/tenderness and then contact each and every woman that you see on there. AVOID ONEITIS - until the second date they are just a number, a number which you want to treat kindly and nicely but just a number nonetheless.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

in agreement with those who advise against approaching someone at their place of work. also agree about some editing for the grammar - you're not L'il Abner. finally, agree with comments about softening the "demands" stuff. you sound like a strong, dominant type personality and there are plenty who will respond to that and those who don't probably also aren't your type. However, using language like "demand" doesn't sounds petulant, not like a man who knows what he likes. there is a difference.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Even though I have said and continue to say that I will never again be with someone who loves sleep more than sex (or me), I still think the 6:30 line is going to rule out everyone.


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## onlysunshine (Mar 15, 2015)

The whole thing about how she has never done that before but is willing to do it for you is just weird. How is she supposed to know she's willing to do that for you by your profile? 

No to stopping by her work. 

Agree with the others on cleaning up the grammar. Have a friend proofread for you - it helps to have someone else take a look at it.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Honestly, OP, you sound like you're still letting your ex-girlfriend have too much influence on your life to be in a healthy place for another relationship. The things you want to include in your profile are reactionary to who she was. I get it. I've been there. But I also knew I was no use to anyone else as a partner until I'd stopped being that way. You might be okay to date casually, but you don't sound ready to jump back into looking for a serious relationship yet. 

It's okay to say that you want a responsible woman who's ready to be a true partner and knows how to give as well as take in a relationship. I think it's probably fine to say that you want to get to know the real person, not just the Saturday night version of your partner. It's _not_ okay to get into specifics about what you won't tolerate or must have based on all the crappy things your ex-girlfriend did. And the thing about getting up at 6:00 a.m. for you just reads like a reaction to some issue you had in your last long-term relationship - because it is. That just leads women to think of you as you being still hung up on an ex, bitter, emotionally unavailable, and/or not ready.

Oh, and DO NOT show up at her work saying you saw her online dating profile. That's creepy. I think it would be even creepier if you make a POF profile, contact her there, then just show up at her workplace the next day. That's got "budding stalker" written allll over it. If there's no mutual friend to introduce you, just create the profile and contact her that way. If she's not interested, don't pursue it further.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Hardtohandle said:


> Another example is wanting to know the Monday through Friday person and not just the person that meets me on a Saturday night.. *Because we all know Saturday night person wants to make the best impression, whereas Monday through Friday person is busy working and lets their hair down*..
> 
> Again reflecting back on my past relationship I see *that the weekend person is way, way different then the RL person*..When we started dating she was on time most of the time.. When it got serious she was NEVER on time for anything..



Do understand, though, that everyone is generally on their best behavior in the very beginning. Most people don't reveal their faults, their character flaws, or their gross or annoying habits for at least a few months into a relationship. The purpose of dating long-term is to discover who your partner really is before you make any binding commitment to them, like marriage or children. In your case, dating your ex-girlfriend did it's job. You found out that, contrary to how you felt in the beginning, the two of you weren't compatible for the long haul. This is why people date.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Hardtohandle said:


> I am looking to eventually, maybe put up a OLD profile again..
> 
> What I was considering doing was being very serious about it.. Not looking to be witty and humorous..
> 
> ...


You are running the risk of coming off like a control freak and a serious drag if you move forward with this kind of profile. You cant punish the masses for the sins of your ex gf. Everybody is different, you take a risk with anyone you get involved with. Its okay to convey in your profile that you are interested in something serious and long term, but its not okay to list demands and requirements...its dating, not a job interview!


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

First off I would like to say I found many of the comment humorous so that was great..



> Even though I have said and continue to say that I will never again be with someone who loves sleep more than sex (or me), I still think the 6:30 line is going to rule out everyone.


As for the grammar, I completely understand. What I usually do is put it in MS word for the quick fixes and then I go online for some sites that deal with college papers and such.. I try to get all the kinks out.. 

I will post it here before sending it out.. 

I do agree with you Rowan, I have to say I learned a lot about myself and my weaknesses during my last relationship.. The long and the short is I should have cut her loose after 8 months and not almost 2 years.. I went completely against what my senses were telling me.. I just thought I was wrong and being too critical. It's like seeing an illusion and purposefully ignoring it as such.. Sadly it wasn't an illusion..( I think of puff daddy and the fiat commercial with the guys in the desert.).. Marduk posted up something about dark triad in another thread which pretty much fit her personality and characteristics.

Personally I am much more a talker than a typer even though my threads can seem to prove me wrong most of the time.. 

I feel confident that once I talk to someone my sincerity seeps through and they get it.. But I know getting to talk to someone I need to convince them via a profile and a few messages that they want to talk to me.. 

I'm no fool and I know once people hear I have custody of my kids and I get child support that this is the first topic of conversation.. Most women want to understand how that happen.. Deep down people want to hear the gossip and women with kids have a hard time wrapping their heads around that statement. So I use that to my advantage.. I usually say, you need to take me out for a drink to hear that story.. They laugh.. 

Personally I believe that many talk about wanting to be free but deep down its all bullsh!t and they want that relationship.. I think it's just the stigma of today's type of dating style.. The hook up.. Its all about the hook up.. 

For me I play against that angle.. I go anti hookup.. I haven't dated much but anyone that I have met always seems to be happy to commit to the more monogamous relationship. I think they want it but have heard so many guys NOT say it that they just have no choice but to play along in the hopes that one guy will change their mind if they date them long enough.. 

So I was looking to make a profile that says this is me.. This is why this is me..

But I want to make sure there is a woman out there that is willing to make some sacrifices of her own as well. 

You know sometimes you have to spell out common sense to people. 

As an example.. I understand and have the common sense to understand that if I am with a woman long enough and we marry or live together, there will come a time when she will deal with my kids.. I also understand that as great as my kids are.. They can screw up sometimes.. That being said.. I understand that if they screw up when my Wife or live in partner is here.. That she should have some right to correct the condition.. I clearly, clearly know that telling someone you can't discipline my kids just simply means a relationship is not going to work.. Because you can't have separate lives.. Its either all in or NOT.. 

Mind you again common sense wise, it doesn't mean this person gets to beat my kids with a belt.. But if my son pisses all over the toilet seat, she has the right to tell him to come in the bathroom and clean it up, because I sure do if he does it !.. And if for some crazy reason my son should mouth off to this person.. I would expect not only to be told but also have her punish my son in some way.. Go to your room, no computer, ETC... Again I realize you just cannot have split lives.. 

So that being said I want to weed out the stupid people that just don't get that.. I truly do not want to waste my time with the women that say oh you discipline your kids and I will discipline mine.. Because my simple comment is what do I do when you're not around.. What happens when I go out with them without you ? Do I call you and tell you the story for you to punish them ? Do I come back home so you can handle it ? Do I just not go out with your kids ? Should we just divide the house in 2 parts and share one bedroom in the middle of the house ? One half for your kids and one half for mine.. 2 kitchens, 2 bathrooms and one bedroom for us.. 

I'm not into kids writing on walls and putting stickers all over the furniture.. I think there is a place for these things and walls and furniture is not one of those places.. The ExGF was okay with this until she had clients coming over the home.. Then she was embarrassed because of the stickers and writing on the walls and the torn up furniture from the cats... I don't know what to call that but just utterly retarded... Its like a double standard of retarded proportions.. 

But again this was a person that clearly lacked the foresight to look ahead.. 

Trust me I would not be in the place I was today if I didn't look and plan ahead.. 

So in not so many terms I would just like to make it clear what I'm looking for and what I need in a relationship.. I would rather have 10 good hits instead of 100s of hits.. 

I realized that me getting a date is not an issue if I needed to get a date.. My issue is wanting to be with the right date or right person... That is what I want in the end..

As a matter of fact a person who has been cheated on, lied to and has picked themselves back up is someone that would be a good fit.. Someone that has been fooled with enough ONS or FWB that they just want off the crazy merry go round.. 

I truly do believe again many want it but they just are afraid to say it.. I think it just makes them weak and possibly more vulnerable to someone else's lines to get in.. 

So when you say I just want to date and nothing serious, you hear oh me too.. That cool.. When deep down they are like fvck, fvck, fvck.. I thought I would be done with this sh!t already.. 

Where I want to say I just want to date you.. I want to go slow, but I just want to date you.. I have enough in my life going on and I have an issue with NOT going slow that I need to go slow.. I need to understand and learn what it means to go slow in a relationship.. 
This is the honesty I just want to portray.. 
I want to say I don't need your money because I have more than enough.. 
I don't need your home because I have one.. 
I don't need for you to find me a job because I don't have a job. I have career. As matter of fact I am retired from one career and doing another totally different career.. So not only do I work but it should be clear not afraid to do it.. 

These are the honest things I just want to get out somehow and weed out those that just don't get it or understand the common sense of it..

I am not looking for a person that wants a date.. I want someone who wants a relationship and understand or has the foresight to understand what that means now and in the future.. That understand what it means to have kids in a relationship.. That I also understand what it means and that I can understand the angst that some might have from previous bad relationships with kids..

Look I know a woman who broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years because his kids just were out of control. Again she loved him but he was getting calls from school, the cops.. She had to get them from police precincts. She had to go to court for one of them and even helped post bail. 

Mind you she was a cop herself. 

She was utterly afraid of kids at this point.. 

Her mindset is thank god I didn't one of those things.. She apologises to me for calling them things but she is happy she realized they weren't for her.. Mind you she is in her 40s so it could be I really wanted one but now I'm too old so I will just jump on the other side of the fence of pretending they are too much a pain in the a$$ to raise one.. 

So I am no fool and do not want to get turned away because some possible good person just had a bad moment with someone who just didn't get how to raise kids..

As for the woman in the drug store. 
I will make a profile and just be honest with her.. I will make it clear that I will also not step inside the store as not to make her feel uncomfortable if she is not interested.. 
But you guys can see I had some common sense about it..


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

OLD is a numbers game and requires a thick skin and a good SOH. TBH I would not put such heavy stuff into your profile, it should be witty and not demanding. Keep it short, sweet and upbeat.

Imagine we were the perfect match, I HATE getting up early and any mention of it in a profile would have put me off. Turns out that I now choose to get up at 5.30 or 6am even when I don't have too so Mr H and I can have a coffee together before he heads off to work. These things happen because it is a natural part of an evolving and loving relationship, not an expectation.

I'm going to go against the grain here with the chemist woman although I do agree that being too upfront while she is at work is creepy. Maybe drop in while in uniform, and give her your number. Don't hang around but she will either take it or not, if she doesn't then leave her alone. I would not at this point mention anything to do with her OLD profile but if you do get a date it could be a really funny story to break the ice.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Hardtohandle said:


> I realized that me getting a date is not an issue if I needed to get a date.. My issue is wanting to be with the right date or right person... That is what I want in the end..
> 
> As a matter of fact a person who has been cheated on, lied to and has picked themselves back up is someone that would be a good fit.. Someone that has been fooled with enough ONS or FWB that they just want off the crazy merry go round..
> 
> ...


All of these things you listed are fine and good, but you cannot put this heavy stuff in an OLD profile and think that your chosen one will magically read it. It is literally impossible to weed out all of the people who are not right for you. You have to talk with and meet people in order to make those determinations. This is way too intense and demanding, and quality women would be put off by this approach. You have to take the risk to reap the reward. 

Maybe you really are not ready to get out there and date just yet....


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

H2H.... if you are not over your XW or g/f, they can sense it. If a female has her crap together, 

she will not invest any time with you. As for females with issues.... CoD, BPDish etc.... those will

sense out your vulnerabilities (just like arthritis to a bone break) and mirror EVERYTHING you are

looking for.... for about 18 months. Then the wheels come off, they can't progress past the romantic stage.

Enter pulling back, blame shifting.... y'know exactly what you went through with your X gf.

How do I know..... UG was that way. It was hard letting her go but I knew it was the right thing.

There are a few guys from TAM that I back chat with.... they were involved with an XW or gf who

sounded A LOT like yours and UG. Looking at it from the outside it is clear as day... I am not invested in their

W / gf. There were a few things I always wondered "if I had done things differently" would UG and I

have worked out.... we wouldn't have and I realized this by taking these few guys "under my wing."

Yes they are a work in progress.... I 2x4 them A LOT, even have one where a guy is getting a bat to his 

nads. But helping them helps me understand what to watch out for as "the skeletons fall from the closet."

H2H.... do you know anyone who works at the pharmacy? Does any of your friends? If not you could 

make mention of her to one of her female co-workers (My she is very intelligent.... attractive too.... Could you see 

if she is involved with anyone?) or.... walk up compliment her a couple times, then ask for her #.

Yknow kind of how you would approach a female at.... the grocery store or mall.

You and I are in a similar field.... after you go out with a female for.... about a month, you sort of 

need to profile her as you would in your field of work. It has saved me from a couple of sure fire

BSCs had I continued to date them.

As for POF.... I have a saying, 'men trade attention for sex, women trade sex for attention'

on POF there are plenty of guys just looking for sex

and plenty of gals just looking for attention

tread carefully on POF.... and OKC for that matter


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Okay I get that much of that is coming across wrong and I have to steer away from things that sound ExGF/Exwife issues.. 

If and when I am ready I will just make up a profile and hit the pharmacy woman up.. I will make sure not to go in after as it would make her uncomfortable.. 

Mind you I am juggling many balls right now in my life.. I am not looking to add another ball into the mix..

But I am looking ahead.. It is what I do.. I plan..


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Hardtohandle said:


> Okay I get that much of that is coming across wrong and I have to steer away from things that sound ExGF/Exwife issues..
> 
> If and when I am ready I will just make up a profile and hit the pharmacy woman up.. I will make sure not to go in after as it would make her uncomfortable..
> 
> ...


I assume there are other pharmacies you can go to?


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I assume there are other pharmacies you can go to?


Oh, yea.. matter of fact within a month it will be completely out of my radar.. 

I went in to get something and I noticed her. I immediately realized who she was.. I told my partner to get a look a well for confirmation. 

That was 2 weeks ago I think.. I went back in monday for sinus pills.. 

I don't need to stalk her and I don't want to.. Because it will look just like that if she found out about the POF..

So it would be either ask her out in person and never mention POF or send her a message on POF and be honest and upfront.. Personally I never like looking over my shoulder so I am honest and upfront.. Nobody can ever say I didn't say this or that. Because I do.. 

You never, ever have to guess what is on my mind.. Because I tell you.. Because I just can't hide it.. 

Mind you I am just looking ahead..

On my mind ATM are getting this new job and being scared. 
Retiring from the Police Department and being happy and scared.. 
Needing to do work on my home but being slightly dependant on this new income after the work is done.. 
So right now I am not looking to add the complexities of a new relationship or dating into one, into this mix.. 
But once this is all squared away I want to look in that direction.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Hardtohandle said:


> But once this is all squared away I want to look in that direction.


Well, once you're ready maybe you should just ask her out in person. Most people would like to have their "story" of how they met be in person and not through online dating. I'm not bashing OLD, but it's the way it is.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Well, once you're ready maybe you should just ask her out in person. Most people would like to have their "story" of how they met be in person and not through online dating. I'm not bashing OLD, but it's the way it is.


I agree.. I am gonna make it short and sweet..


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