# How do I get the trust back after so many screw ups and 700 miles away?



## JamesMh (Sep 3, 2011)

I have been in a relationship for 5 years now, we have been married for 3. When I met my wife she had a 6 month old child who I fell in love with and raised as my own and eventually adopted after we got married. My problem beings to when we first started dating I smoked pot and it wasnt that big of a problem but becamse one over time. I have struggled with my addiction and my wife has wanted me to stop but I have struggled with understanding that I cant act like a kid anymore. This is when things started getting very difficult I would promise that I would stop and I would end up being selfish and relapsing. Anyways my problems turned into me leaving from miami and coming home to nc this happened twice when we were dating. Her and I would work through it and she eventually moved up here where we got married I was working all the time and it became a problem for her and then she left. I really stopped for li ke 8 months and we would visit back and forth for a while untill I moved back down there a year and a half ago. Things got rocky last week I had got fired from my job and got very stressed out and used again she asked me to take a drug test and I told her the truth and she kciked me out of our condo. I had finally got to talk to her the other night and she was telling me like she has many times she doesent know how she can trust me again and if I come down there I cant stay there. My wife doesent go out and is very work,school,family oriented. I have been doing nothing but trying to call and talk to her Ive sought counceling for my problems and am trying to explain to her how I wont do this again. The other night we were talking and starting to make up after days of her not picking up and me calling 80 times. I put on my facebook of all stupid things that I was packing my stuff up getting ready to leave nc and her little brother told her parents who ended up calling her up all that day and so when she said I could call her she was super pissed told me to leave her alone I tried calling all night and day only to get a message that she was trying to look at porn on her phone and go to sleep and I was interrupting her. So I left her alone all the next day untll she got out of work and called her all night and she didnt pick up. Today I left her alone tried calling her at night nothing....I txt her and she just ignores me I have talked to her mother and my friends and family and everyone is just like give her space leave her alone when she is ready to talk or started wondering why your not calling she will call. I miss my son and wife so much and am so tired of being selfish with my drug habbit I just want to fix myself, be normal and get the people that matter to me back. sorry for any thought gaps their might be, I want so bad to return to miami to be with my son and wife.


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## JamesMh (Sep 3, 2011)

Im sorry this was wrote so sloppy, I am just so tired of being a liar. I know she has every right to be mad at me I know I dont dserve for her to forgive me. I just want so bad for things to work out and for me to not have these problems anymore. I love everything about this girl even the things I dont like. I am just so scared she is never going to talk to me again and Im never going to see my son again. Everyone is like well she cant keep him away from you but with the distance and the fact that Im still working on finishing school its scary to think I wont get to see him very much. I dont know whats wrong with me for some reason I cant stop trying to call her and I feel so bad she has to do everything by herself. I want to just drive down there and try to talk to her face to face.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

James,

You can tell her as many times as you want. That don't mean sh$t! A woman gains trust by action. YOUR action. If you want your family back, then stop using. Nobody can make that happen except for you. Get clean then SHOW her your clean.

Go find a purpose. That will make you stop. Join a gym, join a club. Get a hobby. Whatever. Just do something passionate that forces you to have focus and goals and to stop the 4:20.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JamesMh (Sep 3, 2011)

I have stopped the 420, I just go for long walks. The thing is I have no idea how to show her she is so far away Im in Charlotte and she is in Miami. I want to just drive down there but even though she was talking to me last week for a day she isnt now. I have somewhere I can stay down there till if she lets me in the house I just dont know if I should confront her this way. This is stupid on my part but I havent given her any space at all I have just trying to get a hold of her everyday pretty much by calling a bunch of times when I call. I know in the past when we have had these fights she always says she would of talked to me sooner and made up with me quicker if I had not blown her phone up. I am just so sad, tired of betraying my best friends trust, and nervous that she is really done this time.


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## 40cal (Sep 2, 2011)

maybe you should show her that you are capable of living and functioning without her. If she sees you doing your own thing shes going to call you. Stop smoking do it for your kid. I personally don't care if someone smokes or not. I say leave it alone because if your ever caught with it u could go to jail. I wouldn't risk my freedom to get high.


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## JamesMh (Sep 3, 2011)

I just hate being away from them for so long, I know what you saying, yeah I know everytime I back off and stop calling she alwasy eventually either answers or calls. I am so done with drugs for so many reason, I just hope I havent pushed her so far away that she wont forgive me. Still I miss her and my son so much and I dont understand why I make these selfish decisions.


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## JamesMh (Sep 3, 2011)

I want to just drive down there find a job Im to late to enroll in school I dont know how she will ever see change when Im all the way up here


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## JamesMh (Sep 3, 2011)

Sorry to triple post I just noticed this fight when I was reading past conversations from about 2 years ago is about the exact same thing and she is even saying the same things. She is saying she is done, leave me alone, restraining order (which last time I was nagging so much she actually got one for one day), etc. Seriously word for word and I know it is serious but she acts like it is completely over like this then I move on and she has always somehow came back. I know that is insanely good luck/borderline ludacris but for one reason or another her and I have always wanted to make things work. Im not sure if this time is going to be the nail in the coffin or if maybe God can shed hope on us one more time. Whatever the reason I have learned my lesson about drug use unfortunately it might have taken its toll on my marriage.


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