# Am I Overthinking This?



## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Hello everyone! I have enjoyed this website for a long time. Everything from great ideas for your spouse to feeling really bad for some peoples situations. But I finally decided to join.

I have been together with my lady for about 16 years. Other than an argument here and there, there hasn't been any huge fights involving slamming doors, threatening divorce, or infidelity. 

Our daughter met a new friend about 6 months ago. The friends parents are married. When we go over to pick our daughter up from their house, we normally sit around chatting for a while in their house. But I notice the friends mom starring at my wife almost like she is about to start drooling. I have caught her out of the corner of my eye looking her up and down and staring at her chest. She has even started giving my wife a hug upon arrival and leaving while rubbing her hand up and down the back.

I have never had any reason to suspect my wife is cheating or wants to cheat. I felt really guilty and looked at her phone and there aren't any texts beyond scheduling time for the two teens to spend time together and who will do the droo off or pickup. No call records, and the records online for the cellphones dont show that anything was deleted from the phone. Her laptop is not password protected and her Facebook page is just neutral platonic information about books she enjoys, new recipes, etc.

I am not trying to drag this out lol. But come March, my daughter and her friend are going to a concert in New Orleans. This other lady says I have never been there and have always wanted to go. She quickly suggests that her, my wife, and of course the two teens can go together and get a room with two king beds. The friends wife looks at me and says you can enjoy a night off and relax at home or go out with the guys. Or you and my husband can hang out..... yes, this is a little tmi, but her nipples became hard as a rock during this discussion. 

On the way home my wife says of course you can come and we get a separate room and the three of us enjoy the night...... This is where I don't know if I am overthinking or what. Its obvious that this lady has a sexual attraction to my wife. My wife is not showing any signs of flirting. But when you combine alcohol with a fast paced city like New Orleans, some people have made mistakes they deeply regret..... I want to talk to her, but I dont want to hurt her by giving off the idea that I am thinking she might cheat.

"Marriage is like toilet paper. You are either on a roll or dealing with a chitty azzhole ". Luckily my marriage is the ultra soft double roll 🤣


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Make sure you both go on the holiday, and keep the relationship between you and your wife and the other couple cool. 
Must admit that sharing a bed seems off. Not something I would do with another woman.
There is nothing to suggest your wife is in anyway going along with the other lady at all. Especially as she is happy for you to come on the trip.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

sounds like this friend of the family is a lesbian hitting on your wife.
it happens.
your wife going to new orleans, where presumably there will be drinking and questionable behavior, sounds like part of her plan to bed your wife.
but if you also go, that all gets blocked. 

so, go to new orleans!
Have some Oyster po' boys at Mahoneys!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Twat blocking another woman from one’s own wife…. The world is indeed headed to hell in a hand basket.

nipples getting hard…. Gonna be hard to explain to the wife how you knew that one.
Sorry but this situation isn’t funny to you at all, but it’s pretty humorous in totality to me.

I say that since you have a good marriage, your wife seems totally legit and not enjoying the attention—- just be an adult and tell her your thoughts and together plan a scheme to put an end to the rock hard nipple noodler, fishing for your irresistible wifey.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> - just be an adult and tell her your thoughts and together plan a scheme to put an end to the rock hard nipple noodler, fishing for your irresistible wifey.


This. I can't understand why you can't be upfront with your wife and tell her what you have observed so far? I don't get where you have to put the blame/suspicions on your wife???
If you aren't or don't have the confidence to speak matters to your wife then something is wrong in your marriage, or you.

Just remember this; THRUST YOUR GUTS with this lady "friend" of yours.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Evinrude58 said:


> Twat blocking another woman from one’s own wife…. The world is indeed headed to hell in a hand basket.
> 
> nipples getting hard…. Gonna be hard to explain to the wife how you knew that one.
> Sorry but this situation isn’t funny to you at all, but it’s pretty humorous in totality to me.
> ...


Rock hard nipple noodler 🤣

From your name, I assume you own a vintage Evinrude? When my grandfather died, we found an old Evinrude in his basement. It hadn't been started or turned over in at least 25 years. Me and a friend cleaned the carb and let marvel mystery oil soak in the cylinder overnight. Cleaned out the points system, and plug. We discovered the next day it was not seized. We put fresh gas in it and after about ten minutes, it fired right up! I traded it to my friend in exchange for some plumbing work. He painted it and uses it on a small jon boat for bream fishing.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I do enjoy old outboards. The evinrudes and Johnson’s were built to last, and be easily repaired when needed. I enjoy old things of any nature that are well built.

why don’t you feel comfortable talking to your wife about this? Do you suspect she may enjoy the attention she’s atttacting?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You don't have to accuse your wife of cheating to get the point across. If I were you I would just be real blunt and say, That woman wants to get in your pants, and I don't think any of us should go anyway and ruin the kids fun.

The other thing you could tell is that you are getting a vibe that that couple may be swingers and that you are uncomfortable around them.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

If you have noticed this, I'm sure your wife has as well. Shouldn't be an issue bringing it up. You know her best, so do it jokingly, off the cuff, whatever style works so that you don't come off accusing the wife of anything.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

TDG,

What do you know about this OW and her H?

Are they swingers or cheaters, do they have an open marriage.

Some men do not think of girl girl sex as cheating.

Perhaps some detective work is in order.

Her trying to tell you what to do is inappropriate, as is her sleeping in a bed with your W.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

Everyone hears, knows and reads about communication being so important in relationships yet so many don't communicate well or enough.

WHAT did your wife say about this when you discussed this with her?

If you haven't talked to her about this, why in the hell haven't you?

Not being able to communicate with one's spouse is an even bigger issue than this topic, your thread I mean.

If a guy was doing this to your wife, me thinks you would have talked to her about it already so why not when it's a lady?

You are her husband and you should be doing this regardless of whether this other person was a man or a woman.

You don't have to mean or heavy handed. Just tell her that you love her and you notice when anyone, be they male or female, is acting, looking or talking in an inappropriate way with her (your wife).


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

His wife may just be basking in the attention and thinking it must just be friendship.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Al_Bundy said:


> If you have noticed this, I'm sure your wife has as well. Shouldn't be an issue bringing it up. You know her best, so do it jokingly, off the cuff, whatever style works so that you don't come off accusing the wife of anything.


I talked to her tonight about it. I just casually said are you looking forward to the New Orleans trip with (her)? She said hell yeah! I just wish you could come. I then said while chuckling do you ever get the vibe that she is checking you out? My wife said yeah, she is eyeing me and that most women can easily sense when a person is checking them out even if they think they are being discreet. And while I think she is a fun person with a good personality, I have no desires towards a female in a sexual way and I can tell she is bisexual. I am also glad you noticed as you men would barely notice your own ass on fire and just think dinner is burning🤣🤣🤣

------‐---

Thank yall for the advice. Its not that I was afraid to talk to her. I just didn't know the words to use until someone said ask in a joking way.... I love my wife and been with her a long time 💘. We all have different personalities and take words said in different ways. I just didn't want to say something in a way to make her think I didn't trust her and think she is about to run off and have a wild fling. I know I have been faithful the entire marriage and would feel a little something if i was suddenly asked if I was about to cheat. I just reversed the roles and felt she would feel the same as well. 

Also the room they are getting has two king size beds. My wife and daughter in one and her and her daughter in the other. My wife and friend aren't sleeping in the same bed.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Personally I think they need to end the friendship. It is actually a crush for the other wife.

Set aside the trip to New Orleans for a moment. What if it was the husband instead of the wife that was showing interest in your wife? Would you be so nonchalant about it? If a woman is bisexual and has an obvious and overt attraction to your wife why is it any different than if it was a man? It is still a threat to the fidelity of your marriage.

Back to the trip. Replace the wife with her husband in this scenario again. Your wife says all the same things including: "I have no desires towards him in a sexual way." Would you still let her go? If not why do you trust your wife less with the man vs the woman?

This woman is so obviously attracted to your wife that she noticed and you noticed. She's touchy-feely, eyeing her up and down and getting erect nipples when thinking about being away with her. I ask again, what if it were the husband instead?

None of this is acceptable in my opinion. You have an individual that has shown obvious interest in bedding your wife and you are going to just let them stay in your social circle? What line would she have to cross before you said enough is enough?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I don’t believe in playing with fire. I would insist that your wife and daughter get separate rooms in the hotel. If the other woman takes offence then tough ****.
I spent years living with a lesbian and then with her and her girlfriend. Some of the stories they used to tell me would amaze you. 
I would hate to see you back here in a few months telling us about a tearful confession from your wife about something that happened in New Orleans. 
This woman sounds like a predator, she openly eye’s up your wife while you are beside her. If it were a male friend would you want your wife to go?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Personally I think they need to end the friendship. It is actually a crush for the other wife.
> 
> Set aside the trip to New Orleans for a moment. *What if it was the husband instead of the wife that was showing interest in your wife? Would you be so nonchalant about it? If a woman is bisexual and has an obvious and overt attraction to your wife why is it any different than if it was a man?* It is still a threat to the fidelity of your marriage.
> 
> Back to the trip. *Replace the wife with her husband in this scenario again. Your wife says all the same things including: "I have no desires towards him in a sexual way." Would you still let her go? If not why do you trust your wife less with the man vs the woman?*


 Going with a man other than her husband would be a big fat NO, and is a different scenario in many ways. If OP's wife was bisexual or bi-curious then that trip would have to be discouraged as well. 
Separate rooms for sure, and then there's the unknown of what the other woman is like after she's had a few drinks. Probably will pour it on and try something.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> I talked to her tonight about it. I just casually said are you looking forward to the New Orleans trip with (her)? She said hell yeah! I just wish you could come. I then said while chuckling do you ever get the vibe that she is checking you out? My wife said yeah, she is eyeing me and that most women can easily sense when a person is checking them out even if they think they are being discreet. And while I think she is a fun person with a good personality, I have no desires towards a female in a sexual way and I can tell she is bisexual. I am also glad you noticed as you men would barely notice your own ass on fire and just think dinner is burning🤣🤣🤣
> 
> ------‐---
> 
> ...


I thought you said that you were going as well?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

manwithnoname said:


> Going with a man other than her husband would be a big fat NO, and is a different scenario in many ways. If OP's wife was bisexual or bi-curious then that trip would have to be discouraged as well.
> Separate rooms for sure, and then there's the unknown of what the other woman is like after she's had a few drinks. Probably will pour it on and try something.


I dont see it as a different scenario. She is still going away with someone who clearly fancies her.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> I dont see it as a different scenario. She is still going away with someone who clearly fancies her.


If she is attracted to men and not women, it would be different if she was with a man rather than a woman, all else being equal. 
With the man, she would have to be attracted to him and lower her morals to the point of cheating on her spouse. 
With the woman, she would have to also become a lesbian all of a sudden.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

manwithnoname said:


> If she is attracted to men and not women, it would be different if she was with a man rather than a woman, all else being equal.
> With the man, she would have to be attracted to him and lower her morals to the point of cheating on her spouse.
> With the woman, she would have to also become a lesbian all of a sudden.


I completely understand what you are saying. Since the wife is not bi/lesbian she has an extra layer of "protection". I still don't think either is worth the risk. Why would you send your wife on a trip with a shared hotel room with someone that is so bold that they express their physical attraction right in front of you? I'll ask you the same question I asked @ThatDarnGuy! Where do you draw the line on removing this person from your life? If drooling, rubbing her back and eyeing her like a juicy piece of meat isn't enough, what is?


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

DarnGuy, I agree. If it were me I would tell my wife: “I trust you, but I am uncomfortable with you being with someone who is so openly showing their attraction to you. That is true whether it’s a man or woman. They are not a friend of our marriage and this is causing an uneasiness in me that is painful. Again it’s not you, whom I trust with my heart. But we need to figure out a way for me not have to sit at home or work wondering what kind of pressure she is putting on you to take your relationship to another level. I don’t see her giving up and it’s truly hurtful that she disrespects me so to be so openly hitting on you.

Can we discuss this more and come up with a strategy that helps me feel safe?”

Honestly I think you need to go too. I wouldn’t want to have regrets about this later.


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## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Obviously you HAVE to go so there will be a second room where your wife & the other woman can do the deed.

You can be the referee.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

Imho, you don't trust your wife. You checked her phone, laptop, and facebook page. The talk should have been first instead. If that didn't qwell your concerns well that might be different.

Honestly whats wrong with confronting the friend? If there was a misunderstanding it should easily be laughed off. If not it might effect your daughter's frienship but that was the other mother's fault and you wouldn't want your daughter in the middle of all that anyway.

Also if wifey is looking forward to this trip knowing the situation, why? Because you two don't go out much?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

It is within your rights to have a word with this OW, she touched your W inappropriately.

When things like that happen with my W I make it crystal clear I will respond, I would speak to her H as well.

Emotional affairs start out slowly until they catch on fire and become physical.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

It’s good that you finally discussed your concerns with your wife. I’m sure it was an awkward subject to bring up. It can be easy for things to come across as you being paranoid, witnessed by how some here are making you out to be insecure and controlling. 

Even though your wife said she’s not interested in anything with a her or any woman, my concern is how interacting with her, without you or her husband around, can make her feelings change. How many times have you been around a girl that is not your type at all but you still end up having an attraction to her. Through the years I’ve developed a crush on a girl that I would normally never be attracted to. I’m sure the same happens to women too.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I completely understand what you are saying. Since the wife is not bi/lesbian she has an extra layer of "protection". I still don't think either is worth the risk. Why would you send your wife on a trip with a shared hotel room with someone that is so bold that they express their physical attraction right in front of you? I'll ask you the same question I asked @ThatDarnGuy! Where do you draw the line on removing this person from your life? If drooling, rubbing her back and eyeing her like a juicy piece of meat isn't enough, what is?


... and the wife has not said "eew", stopped her touching, or expressed any hesitation re sharing a room with her. Or mentioned to you that this woman ogling her makes her in any way uneasy. 

On the contrary, she's quite excited to go on this trip. 

No lesbian wife required OP, trust me on this. Some alcohol, a hot outwardly predatory 'friend' and a dash of fun curiosity on your wife's part, and -something- is happening. 

I don't see how this trip could end without this woman getting at least a feel in. Her plans for your wife are HER FANTASY, is that not obvious enough? 

Do you know if your wife considers a little girl-on-girl smooching as cheating? Have you asked? Do you? 

You two need to talk, and yes, keep making the discussion fun, not about a need to protect your feelings of insecurity etc. It can still be a fun exploration of each other's sexuality and boundaries. Nothing has happened.. 
yet.

So talk about it now, not afterwards when you have to tell your wife how upset you are that the inevitable happened.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I completely understand what you are saying. Since the wife is not bi/lesbian she has an extra layer of "protection". I still don't think either is worth the risk. Why would you send your wife on a trip with a shared hotel room with someone that is so bold that they express their physical attraction right in front of you? I'll ask you the same question I asked @ThatDarnGuy! Where do you draw the line on removing this person from your life? If drooling, rubbing her back and eyeing her like a juicy piece of meat isn't enough, what is?


Best to not go on the trip. For all anyone knows, OP's wife may be curious.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

I absolutely never would stand for my wife sharing a bedroom with someone who has expressed romantic interest in her. Nor would my wife stand for the same with me. 

Id be uncomfortable having them at the same event. Having them sleep in the same room is completely out of the question.

Quite honestly I am looking to your wife to do the right things to make you feel safe and tell the other wife “thanks but no thanks”.

That’s what a supportive partner does for their spouse.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

From a female's perspective, if some guy I wasn't interested in that I knew was interested in me sexually wanted me to go out of town and share a room and with our kids, I would never do it, married or not! I find it very uncomfortable being around someone I know I'm not interested in who I know is interested in me. There will be plenty of alone time for this lady to try it because they can't keep up with the kids. I'm also somewhat worried about the kids' welfare with her around, even at home. Because she seems to have no boundaries, and that's troublesome. 

So I don't know your wife, but I know that I wouldn't put myself in that position if I weren't somewhat interested, enough to not care if there's some sort of incident that comes up. Maybe she thinks having the kids there is enough to prevent that from happening, I don't know because I may have missed how old the kids are, but if they are old enough to go to N.O., probably nearly adults, and that's going to leave alone time. 

Does your wife have close female friends, or is she maybe friend-starved and just so happy to have a new friend?


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

Thought I’d check in. Is your wife still going on this trip with the woman who has expressed romantic interest in her? That still scares me. I don’t think it’s a matter of not trusting your wife. Would you be ok with her going with a man who has expressed the same, even if she says she has no interest in him?

im just worried for you both.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Well they went on the trip. She said they were having a great time in the city talking, laughing, and cutting up. This lady tried to make a move after they had some drinks. She said she finds her really attractive and wants to know if she would be curious to be with another lady and they could keep it a secret...I know this because my wife called me after and said it was extremely awkward and uncomfortable. She thought they were just having a great time in the city.

She said she cut the night short and she came back a bit early the next day..... I felt bad for my wife because they get along so well. But I also feel proud that she called me to say what happened. The wife said she isn't sure whether to write it off to the alcohol or if she wants to still hang out with her.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

So if this were a guy doing this how would you feel? Would she stay in contact?

personally I have a big problem if she stays in contact with anyone who hit on her. You don’t have an open marriage do you? But that is just me. It’s your life and relationship.

I’d tell her I’m glad she has been open and honest with what happened. That’s the basisof a strong relationship. But so is cutting out of your lives anyone who is not a friend of your marriage. And this woman is actually an enemy of your marriage. She is promoting infidelity.

Im not sure why she and you are allowing this to be chalked up to drunken behavior. You have both agreed that in the past she already showed interest thru improper looks, touches and comments.

I’m not sure why you both thought it would be a good idea for her to go, but now that she has, and the inevitable happened, it’s up to you how you handle things going forward.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

ThatDarnGuy! said:


> Well they went on the trip. She said they were having a great time in the city talking, laughing, and cutting up. This lady tried to make a move after they had some drinks. She said she finds her really attractive and wants to know if she would be curious to be with another lady and they could keep it a secret...I know this because my wife called me after and said it was extremely awkward and uncomfortable. She thought they were just having a great time in the city.
> 
> She said she cut the night short and she came back a bit early the next day..... I felt bad for my wife because they get along so well. But I also feel proud that she called me to say what happened. The wife said she isn't sure whether to write it off to the alcohol or if she wants to still hang out with her.


Surprise, surprise, lol. Knew this was exactly what would happen. Good for your wife and how she reacted. She has to be done with this "friend". I don't know how you or her could react any different. She hit on your wife and is fully prepared to lie to you behind her back. . If it were the husband instead of the wife that did this would you continue to hang out with him? I would be furious with the OW and would confront her right in front of her husband. If you/her allow this person to stay in your life she will try it again.


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## Landofblue (May 28, 2019)

TDG. Thought I’d check in on this thread and see what happened after they got back front the trip. Does your wife still Interact w the woman who hit on her? Did you get any more information on what happened that night?

Most important did you and she discuss boundaries for any outside attention that either of you garner from others?

Im hoping you are each able to make the other feel safe in your relationship.


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Landofblue said:


> TDG. Thought I’d check in on this thread and see what happened after they got back front the trip. Does your wife still Interact w the woman who hit on her? Did you get any more information on what happened that night?
> 
> Most important did you and she discuss boundaries for any outside attention that either of you garner from others?
> 
> Im hoping you are each able to make the other feel safe in your relationship.


Ever since getting back, my wife hasn't seen her since. She has texted my wife a few times to get together, but my wife has said she has other plans.


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