# 1 yr married and already talking divorce



## Jackie1234 (Nov 6, 2014)

I don't know where else to turn, I need help.
Ive been with my husband for 3 years, married for 1yr. While dating we never had a fight! 3 months after marriage we had huge fight were we both threw the word divorce out there. He kicked me out, and I moved out all my things. We decided to work things through and got back together. Since then, it has been fight over fight. Every two weeks, and every time we fight he yells i want a divorce. I have moved in and out 4x and now I'm out. Again we are trying to work things out, but i don't even know if its worth it. We love each other but I don't know why we can't just get along like we did before marriage. Its been 3 months since ive been out and trying to come back but NOW he doesn't want me to come back until I apologize to his entire family...for...being quite around them and kept to myself at a few family outings because I was upset with my husband after just having a big fight. He things i was rude and disrespected them. Because of all the drama between us the past year, we have turned our families against the other and I understand that. After asking me to apologize to his family. I asked him if he can just talk to mine to smooth things over with them especially with the holidays around the corner. My family doesn't even want him there and I hate that. He thinks I'm asking him because he asked me first and it's a game I'm playing but its not at all. i just want things to go back to normal. he agreed and said next week or when "I'm ready" but you have to make a mence with my entire family first before I talk to yours. We got into a huge fight about that. Why are my requests being put on hold until issues with ur family is resolved. I asked that I get an apology from his father as I was disrespected by him on so many levels and my husband knows it, he said with in time that will happen. U need to apologize to my family first. There is so much more to our story but I don't want to go into all the details. The reason I moved out in first place is he yelled at me in front of his family about dresses I bought that he didn't want me to wear so it went back and forth until he emailed his dad he wants a divorce. Then I packed my things and got out. My question is... Am I handling the situation all wrong?? Am I just making thins worse on my marriage?? Why do I feel so guilty after every fight when sometimes it's not even my fault?? Should I have just let the whole argument go about him talking to my family? I don't know what to do anymore. I think his family hates me especially his dad and they are all getting in his head for him to leave me and its working


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You are both being extremely immature. You cannot just toss around the word "divorce" like that! You are sabotaging yourselves! Your families have nothing to do with your marriage, this is only between the two of you. Stop insisting that he apologize to your family, thats just ridiculous! Same goes for him! You both sound like little children bickering on the playground. Maybe if the two of you would show some maturity with each other and respect your own marriage, your families would follow suit.


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## Jackie1234 (Nov 6, 2014)

Absolutely right!:we are acting very childish. I say the same thing. This is between us, not our family, but our biggest problem in our marriage is his family. They are everything to him. He is waiting for their approval before giving me the OK to move back in. I don't want him to apologize to my family. I just want him to talk to them so things won't be awkward around holidays and visit. Our problems are so stupid and I know we can work them out and move past them but it's getting him to understand that. He says.. to him they are not stupid and petty. I need to change to make our marriage work. I have made several changes but it's never enough. I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't know how to be me anymore. I get scared to say or do something that I may make him mad and it will cause another fight. I'm so tired of fighting. I just want to be happy, and I think the only way we stop fighting is to do everything he wants me to do and just keep my mouth shut. I can't do that,I don't want to be a puppet but I also don't want a divorce. Sorry for rambling. I have so much on my mind, I don't even know where to begin.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

His family doesn't like you because you were quiet around them? That doesn't make sense. How was it with them in the two years before you married?

Also, your husband sounds like a spoiled brat if he's yelling 'divorce' all the time. Does his family cater to him excessively?


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## Jackie1234 (Nov 6, 2014)

Yes that's all. They look at me being quite a sign of disrespect and that i thing i am better than them. I just don't know how to control my emotions. I am a sensitive person when I'm upset after a fight with him I just shut down and I don't really talk much but they look at it as being rude. I told him I will work on it. They also think i have pushed him away from his family instesd of bringing him closer. Which really blows my mind. His family was great before we got married. He was great! I used to think how did I get so lucky to have such great man and in laws! He was after me for 2 years before i even consider dating him because of fear of getting hurt. I thought he was too good to be true and after we got married he would make comments in a joking matter saying, haha I tricked you, like he finally got me. I don't understand, he fell in love with me being myself and now he wants to change everything about me. I feel like I did get tricked for real, he is not the same person I fell in love with. But why would someone do that???? Yes his family caters to his every need. They all cater to each other, I have never seen a family so close!


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Jackie1234 said:


> Ab*solutely right!:we are acting very childish.* I say the same thing. This is between us, not our family, but our biggest problem in our marriage is his family. They are everything to him. He is waiting for their approval before giving me the OK to move back in. I don't want him to apologize to my family. I just want him to talk to them so things won't be awkward around holidays and visit. Our problems are so stupid and I know we can work them out and move past them but it's getting him to understand that. He says.. to him they are not stupid and petty. I need to change to make our marriage work. I have made several changes but it's never enough. I feel like I'm losing myself. I don't know how to be me anymore. I get scared to say or do something that I may make him mad and it will cause another fight. I'm so tired of fighting. I just want to be happy, and I think the only way we stop fighting is to do everything he wants me to do and just keep my mouth shut. I can't do that,I don't want to be a puppet but I also don't want a divorce. Sorry for rambling. I have so much on my mind, I don't even know where to begin.


If you know you are acting childish and you definitely are, then stop!

You need to start acting like an adult and handle things differently. Conflict is inevitable and you have to learn to fight fair. Don't apologize to his family and don't ask him to apologize to your family. This is just between the 2 of you. Set a time to sit down with your husband and talk about the issues. Set up fair fighting ground rules and stick with it. No name calling, No throwing around the "D" word, No yelling, No using the words always or never. Listen carefully(active listening) and use "I" statements("I feel upset when..."). Don't get defensive. If you need to, walk away to take a breather and then come back to the issue a little while later. There is always a way to compromise on things that will work for both of you, if you are both willing to.


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## Jackie1234 (Nov 6, 2014)

I agree 100% I just don't know how to I can get him to see things that way. Apologizing to his family is a must and not up for discussion. To him that must be done before we can move on.


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## Jackie1234 (Nov 6, 2014)

Thank you all for u r help and advice!


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