# Flirting, what crosses the line for you?



## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

I'm sure a lot of people "flirt" from time to time, even while in a relationship. I do think there is such a thing as harmless flirting. However, what crosses the line for you? 

My friend told me she saw where her husband had been flirting in a text with one of his coworkers. Nothing major, or even all the time, it seems harmless but at the same time she feels its kinda wrong, after all he is married and so if the women he is flirting with. 

It would be things like, she would say since shes off work, she's gonna go mow, he would say "woohoo put on a sexy bathing suit and get a tan", to where her reply was, "I hope I don't scare people off." This is a woman, that my friend has said her husband has mentioned before as she is like one of the guys at work, and other men flirt with her. Of course he made no mention that he is flirting some himself. 

So whats harmless flirting for you, and whats crossing the line?


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

I rarely ever text any of my female co-workers and if I need to, its strictly about work related stuff. IMO, that kind of conversation, between your friends husband and his co-worker probably shouldn't be happening, no matter how 'harmless". After all, "harmless" is how a lot of things start out.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

_Flirting: Flirting or coquetry is a social and sometimes sexual activity involving verbal or written communication as well as body language by one person to another, *suggesting an interest in a deeper relationship with the other person*._

Based on this, I'd say flirting is unacceptable if you are already in a relationship.


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## Air Texas (May 30, 2013)

Flirting when I'm not around crosses the line. If I'm present and aware (and it really is harmless) I'm okay - everything else would hurt.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

No such thing as harmless flirting.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The example you gave is definitely not harmless.


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## M David (Jun 10, 2013)

When my wife flirts it definitely bothers me. I think it's crossed the line from harmless to harmful when other people perceive it as a problem. I mean third parties, because of course spouses can get it wrong, but when others see it, well it's harder to argue that it's nothing. Maybe some people can control it but I just don't like it at all.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

CallaLily said:


> I'm sure a lot of people "flirt" from time to time, even while in a relationship. I do think there is such a thing as harmless flirting. However, what crosses the line for you?
> 
> My friend told me she saw where her husband had been flirting in a text with one of his coworkers. Nothing major, or even all the time, it seems harmless but at the same time she feels its kinda wrong, after all he is married and so if the women he is flirting with.
> 
> ...


Flirting - period - is harmful, imo. It is extremely unhealthy and immature behavior.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

M David said:


> When my wife flirts it definitely bothers me. I think it's crossed the line from harmless to harmful when other people perceive it as a problem. I mean third parties, because of course spouses can get it wrong, but when others see it, well it's harder to argue that it's nothing. Maybe some people can control it but I just don't like it at all.


Can I just ask you why it takes a "third party perception" before you think it's wrong - when obviously it already is wrong to you?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Whatever I consider saying to a woman, I imagine some guy saying it to my wife or my wife saying it to some other guy. If I wouldn't like it done to me, I don't do it. Another variation: If I wouldn't do or say something with my wife standing right beside me, I don't do or say it when she's not. You could pretend your husband or wife is watching a video of whatever you're doing. If you'd be ashamed for them to see it, you're over the line.


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## M David (Jun 10, 2013)

janefw said:


> Can I just ask you why it takes a "third party perception" before you think it's wrong - when obviously it already is wrong to you?


I don't want to divert the thread, but to me it's not that it becomes wrong then, but that it's definitely wrong then. It's the proof to me, no longer a jealousy issue but one that anyone can see is a problem. Others might use a different standard, but for me that was when I knew for sure that my wife had crossed the line.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Good question.

I think flirting is harmless, but it can also be harmful ,it varies dependeing on the situation.
I'm from a culture where everyone flirts and nobody takes it seriously.
What we consider crossing the line is mostly when sexual innuendoes are used by the flirter to the " flirtee " suggesting that they should get together.
Also tone of voice counts, facial expression , body language.

I think its very relative to the person doing and receiving the negs / complements .

I don't text flirty messages to women because I don't text much outside of business. To me, that would be inappropriate.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

In our marriage, there is no texting opposite sex people unless it is purely business and is something we would not hesitate to show the other person.

If my husband texted another woman that she should wear something sexy to mow her lawn, he'd have that cell phone smacked upside his head faster than he could press send. Then he'd be on his ass out the door.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

If you would not do or say it in front of your partner, it crosses the line.

That's the most practical test I can think of.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

*Re: Re: Flirting, what crosses the line for you?*



COguy said:


> If you would not do or say it in front of your partner, it crosses the line.
> 
> That's the most practical test I can think of.


:iagree:


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Sometimes, people flirt to feel desired or attractive. Sometimes they do so because perhaps something is missing in their relationship and they do it to see if they still got it!
Now I'm by no means saying that is what's happening in your friends case, but anyway! And of course there really is no reason or excuse for that to happen. If its not something the spouse 
Knows about then they probably shouldn't be doing it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I can't say there has EVER been a time that I can remember where we felt ONE was intentionally crossing a line outside of flattery ... though we do hang with some really nice people. 

I agree with Coguy's ...*"If you would not do or say it in front of your partner, it crosses the line.*".... (though depending on the couple..some may have a little more comfort here over others ....we're just not all the same.... some are more sensitive to even the smallest of a comment)...

..I've had GF's tell my husband they want to clone him - one has ALWAYS flirted with him...all in JEST...though in reality there is some truth there.... if I died... she'd be after him... he knows it ..he tells me I can't die ! ... Of course I am not bothered by this... and friends have given some high compliments to me - in HIS presence and NOT in his presence...was they fishing...I don't know...He's never felt threatened.....or was worried...(I tell him EVERYTHING - he knows this - Hell they know it [email protected]#$%)....

We understand we can't control what others do or think ...only to be careful who we hang with and if we sense something brewing (more serious than a little light hearted jesting )....to put up a barrier.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You don't drive around with a for sale sign on your prized car do you?


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

The problem with drawing this line is that one person's flirting might be another's friendly banter. You also get the kind of people who think that any kind of friendliness from another must be flirting.

I think it comes down to intention. If you fancy someone and you're flirting with them, it's probably not harmless, especially if they flirt back!

Suggesting that someone should wear a sexy outfit is kind of crossing the line, but then it could be a complete joke. It depends on why the person has said it. Is it because they are thinking of that person in a sexy outfit and would like to see it themselves, or are they just having a laugh.

People can be so complicated.


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

COguy said:


> If you would not do or say it in front of your partner, it crosses the line.


Spot on. Flirting need not be the inevitable slide to sexual depravity it's being made out to be. Flirting for me is playful.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Flirty texts to a co-worker is never a good idea. I would agree with COguy in that if you're saying things to a member of the opposite sex that you wouldn't say in front of your partner, you shouldn't be saying it at all.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I dont do anything that I wouldnt want my wife to do. ie I dont flirt, because I wouldnt want my wife to flirt with other men. To me flirting is the first step into a relationship illict or not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I guess the word flirt has a wide spectrum of meaning just like the word friend. I like saying things that make people feel good, like telling someone who is recently married, "oh well, married life is suiting you well" and my mother would always eat up the "you're the mother, I thought you all are sisters." 

but yes, the dark side or at least personal side of flirting, the double entendres and the bedroom language, no it is not meant for third parties to a marriage.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

I'd consider OPs example harmless... but it all depends on the frequency of such conversation. Almost any fun interaction could be considered flirting - "you make her laugh too much"? I don't think we should all be drab cardboard cutouts.

I don't think its unhealthy to give/receive such affirmations on occasion. You go home to your spouse feeling pretty good about yourself and that they have something special in you. I've heard this more often from women than from men. Maybe it speaks to low self-esteem, I don't know. But it raises spirits and 99% of the time is totally harmless imo.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

I think there's a big difference between flirting with intent and without intent.

Basically, if you're trying to get into someone's underpants, that's when you know it's gone too far - unless you are single.

I think what others said about whether you would be happy to say the same thing in front of your spouse is a good rule of thumb. The exception is when you have an irrationally jealous spouse. In which case, anything you do could be interpreted as flirting.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

There is flirting, and then there is being friendly. here is a big difference between the two, IMO. You can be friendly to someone without switching it over to flirting. For myself, and for my husband, no flirting is ok, unless it is with each other. 

You asked at what point it crosses the line? The point where it changes over to flirting. That's where the line is crossed.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

Thanks for the replies. I think for my friend she was wondering because even though it wasn't terrible what he sent, could have been worse, this is a woman coworker who a few years ago, her husband would send emails to her (the only female) along with his male coworkers, dirty/funny emails. When my friend asked him about it, he told her that coworker was like one of the guys. But the emails were of like monkeys whacking off, or animals giving other animals BJs, etc. Supposedly they were funny and thats why he sent them. She told him she felt it was inappropropriate and he stopped, but now on occasion still finds a way to say something in a sexual manner in a text. My friend did say she never saw where this female coworker would reply to the emails etc.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

CallaLily said:


> even though it wasn't terrible what he sent, could have been worse


It always 'could have been worse'. That doesn't mean a thing.

Your friend needs to stand up for herself.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

WellyVamp said:


> The problem with drawing this line is that one person's flirting might be another's friendly banter. *You also get the kind of people who think that any kind of friendliness from another must be flirting.*


 Me & my husband are not this up tight, we never were.... We know a guy from our church that would be considered "too friendly" .... he is not good looking.. probably why the women get their feathers all ruffled...

True, he can get a little carried away with the compliments compared to the norm...I've told him many times to TONE IT DOWN Boy, town it [email protected]#$ ... as he can make some woman a little uncomfortable, depending on her personality.... where I may see .."OH that's JUST JOHN!"....another may see "CREEPY"....

He struggles here.. I've thought about this....to take this away from him, calm him down to MR PROPER In every context .... it would remove some of his liberty , his expression, he would cease to be HIM... We don't intentionally stay away from this guy -cause he is like this.. we view it as "common place".... His intentions are *not* sinister....All women are creatures of beauty to this man..and he runs at the mouth. He's not a playboy screwing them up & down... so big deal. 

My Grandfather is 96 yrs old, he's been a "Flirt" all his life...MY Grandmother might smack him on occasion when she was living, but I guess she got used to it... She is gone now (she was the crazy one who chased him- that is how he was!).... he still flirts with all the Nurses, he even had this single woman who is 40 yrs younger saying she is his Girlfriend... keeps the old man going... I think it's kinda funny myself. 

My Aunt...his daughter...who is rather religious, has learned over the years, she isn't going to change him...she just shakes her head now & laughs - as do his nurses. It keeps his spirits up. 



> *I think it comes down to intention*. If you fancy someone and you're flirting with them, it's probably not harmless, especially if they flirt back!


 Absolutely .... in one of my books...about sexual integrity... FLIRTING is a very normal behavior... in comparison to SEDUCTION... which is "manipulative"... Of course this should be reserved for those who are single...if their INTENT is to UP something there... to see if it is returned... 

So much of this can be masked in Humor... so what are we to do...analyze every comment that comes forth....pour cold ice on your guests telling them they are "inappropriate" at a party... .... I can't see ever doing this...Not our style... but then we've never felt a comment went too far either...

When we get together with our friends, we do some "course bantering" - we are all like that..Just cause we're married doesn't mean we cease to joke around & interact with the opposite sex...on occasion...

We let people be people.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

You put it far more eloquently than I did SimplyAmorous. 

The difference _is_ between flirtation and seduction. You hit the nail right on the head, for me at least. 

I'm not sure where the line is and it's hard to say until it's been crossed.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

WellyVamp said:


> You put it far more eloquently than I did SimplyAmorous.
> 
> The difference _is_ between flirtation and seduction. You hit the nail right on the head, for me at least.
> 
> I'm not sure where the line is and it's hard to say until it's been crossed.


This book I am reading goes into the* Nature of FLIRTING*/* the Dynamics of Flirting*...*the Dynamics of Seduction.*..it's a whole chapter..(can read it below -link provided)....

Beings people also look at sex through 6 varying lenses, this too can affect their views on FLIRTING as well... it is all rather fascinating...as I am learning... 

When I was younger.. being a Romantic & also taking sex very seriously / wanting to wait till marriage even....I got sick & tried of men flirting with me ...I didn't try to stop this, I let people BE who they are, but I did feel they were all a bunch of Hot Air BSers.....as no substance was behind it -just wanted in my pants...which wasn't happening...

When I met my husband...he was different....didn't seem to act like those others.. .I was even Dumb enough to tell him I liked that he didn't flirt with me.... (BOY WAS THAT EVER the stupidest thing I ever [email protected]#$).... so he didn't flirt all that much ! I kinda regret this NOW ...we missed out on some *FUN* back there. 

Making up for it today.  

After reading this chapter in this book... I learned just WHY I felt that way back then...(even though I couldn't have explained it) ... I had a "covenant Lens" view of sexuality... - which is embedded in the Christian tradition...such people will see flirtation of any sort problematic if the flirt's intent is to awaken the sexual or romantic interest of another -where there is no serious possibility of long term commitment...it's like...DO NOT GO THERE...not even in HUMOR.. period. 

Of course this was not really touching on when Marrieds use a little joking...If I did....I don't recall....I read this chapter rather fast...so much to absorb... it was the 1st time I seen Seduction as a very bad THING...seduction could be to SNARE someone - even as a joke... seduction can also be Ego enhancing - this is against integrity... where as flirting is a lessor evil by far... . 

Sexual integrity is huge in all of these things...and understanding our own motives of course... This is the book >> Chapter 4 is all about "*Flirtation and Seduction*" ...if anyone is interested !
Bringing Sex Into Focus: The Quest for Sexual Integrity - Google Books


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

SA is a good gal. She ignores it every time I try to flirt with her.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous;2632954
Absolutely .... in one of my books...about sexual integrity... [B said:


> FLIRTING is a very normal behavior... in comparison to SEDUCTION... which is "manipulative"... Of course this should be reserved for those who are single...if their INTENT is to UP something there... to see if it is returned... [/B]


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

SA, you put that across soooooo much better than I did!!

Lol, that's exactly what I wanted to say!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

sandc said:


> SA is a good gal. She ignores it every time I try to flirt with her.


 Awe .... I do so try to hold my









You remind me of this friend John some...he is more over the top....but he is also single ....your openness with your wife is why I so respect you SandC... this is always very telling.. Glad to see you're still posting here! 

That chapter starts out like this.. 



> "A skilled Flirt is often a JOY to watch... Skilled flirts exude confident embodiment and express appreciation for the embodied presence of others....Innocent Flirtation can be energizing , both for the one doing the flirting and the person being flirted with. ...
> 
> But then it goes on to add...."Skilled flirts can also be destructively manipulative...the subtle and not so subtle ways we convey that we find others physically attractive call along a SPECTRUM.... *with innocent flirtation at one end *and
> *Exploitive Seduction at the other*"....


**** And by the way, the author of this Book is Christian, so her even saying this...well.. should give a little leeway as she is not exactly a liberal thinker... just trying to bring balance to this subject. 

Do WE have the *wisdom* to know the difference ? I guess THAT is the question...


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

I don't think you should be flirting after you are married and if you cheated better not even look at the opposite sex too hard.

Wish my husband would flirt with me, do something to get me worked up, tell me he loves me anything. Sex is getting boring.


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Flirting is not harmless because the line between "harmless" and "harmful" is never clear. You may THINK it's harmless but it can easily morph into something else in a split second.

Flirting isn't just banter, it's being attracted to another person and playing a game with that attraction. The idea that you can flirt while remaining in the security envelope of not being available is a dangerous and false attitude.

I'm not saying don't flirt. Many of us do. But to reassure yourself with ideas like "it's harmless" if I don't go too far or if I don't intend anything beyond the flirtation is unrealistic.

Flirtation may often not lead to anything, but there's always the chance that it may. That's part of what makes flirtation what it is. If you flirted and there was no risk, you'd get bored with it quickly.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

PreRaphaelite said:


> Flirting is not harmless because the line between "harmless" and "harmful" is never clear. You may THINK it's harmless but it can easily morph into something else in a split second.
> 
> Flirting isn't just banter, it's being attracted to another person and playing a game with that attraction. The idea that you can flirt while remaining in the security envelope of not being available is a dangerous and false attitude.
> 
> ...


ITA. IDC if some Christian writer say it's great fun, IMO it sucks for married people to flirt with people who are _not _their spouse. You come flirt with me, I'm going to tell you head back on over to your wife and stop being such a $hit.


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I used to be a helluva flirt. I just enjoyed the energy, the exchange, and so on. However, I crossed boundaries, and sometimes brought someone with me, and that's why today I say there is NEVER any appropriate way to flirt with ANYONE when you're in a committed relationship/marriage. 

If you want to flirt, be single. Then have at it. With SINGLE people. And I can't emphasize enough: NEVER dip in the company pool.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

janefw said:


> ITA. IDC if some Christian writer say it's great fun, IMO it sucks for married people to flirt with people who are _not _their spouse. You come flirt with me, I'm going to tell you head back on over to your wife and stop being such a $hit.





> *doubletrouble said*: I used to be a helluva flirt. I just enjoyed the energy, the exchange, and so on. However, I crossed boundaries, and sometimes brought someone with me, and that's why today I say there is NEVER any appropriate way to flirt with ANYONE when you're in a committed relationship/marriage.


This thread is talking about ...the LINE....

If you was a "Helluva flirt" DoubleTrouble- then you obviously did MORE than just complimenting the opposite sex, am I right..you pushed that envelop in some way ? 

I'd bet for every person on this thread...WE have a different idea rolling in our heads with that said "LINE"....so there goes the disagreement ....I also think it matters what type of circles one hangs with... 

I guess the SEED question should be .... where do YOU draw the line at complimenting the opposite sex...should it NEVER be lest someone gets the wrong idea?? 

Mere complimenting has ruffled feathers in the social section on this forum...some have been "reprimanded" ...

Is this the reality >> " If a girl compliments a guy then the guy will generally take it as flirt/interest. 

If a guy compliments a girl then the guy is flirting (unless he's gay of course)."

I am a bit more relaxed here....

Do I enjoy talking to people - being friendly... I DO..... Has it ever bit me in the ass like Double Trouble...... Not yet...Has my husband ever been ruffled .. NO... Have I by his interaction with other women......NO... he comes home & tells me how he thinks the world of this one woman he works with, says she is Great....she is better than any man there ! He compliments her A LOT ...and I get to hear all about it. There is no line crossing... She KNOWS us...and loves us both. 

Though he does agree women have to be careful because MEN CAN GET THE WRONG IDEA.... he started laughing earlier about a guy we have on our FB ....He goes to our church...not married to the woman he has 5 kids with, their life is rather a mess, never has $$, no vehicle..lives in the projects....they are a bit "shunned" by others....

Now I have been in their presence...and I try to not be "stuck up".... I talk to EVERYONE....I don't discriminate, in fact I feel people like them need more ENCOURAGEMENT -to inspire them to DO for themselves... I have invited their family to one of our Birthday parties....show interest in their lives ...he has opened up about his alcoholism, his struggles...... I've thrown a few compliments his way in trying to encourage him, like what a good Father he has been....etc.....in trying to get his act together- to be there for his kids....and her too for that matter.... I have shown friendliness... 

Well My God....this man must think I am after him... shortly after....every single time I got on FB...he was trying to message me...I just ignored him... .. My husband thinks this is hilarious, it's a running joke... I could have blocked him I suppose, obviously he thinks I want to be his best friend now or ..well.. hmmmm who knows what HE is thinking.... 

Then there is such thing as Humor... now it gets really MURKY...I am not even one who cares for the social section here ... not my cup of tea....even for those who love it...still a crossing of lines has occurred, someone mistook what another said....yet we are hardly going to forgo it...so what to do? 

I'm still going to go back to what CoGuy said....if you can say it in front of your spouse and they know THEY are your #1 - loved to the moon & back.. then it's not going too far. 

But TRUE...always be careful of the sort of person you are engaging with....because they may have a totally different perception....and a mere friendly compliment can be magnified to the sky & back -thinking you want them.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Awe .... I do so try to hold my
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Gotta' respect a woman with good boundaries. They are usually more fun to be around. They can flirt, joke, and laugh about it with you without you having to worry about, "OMG, did she take that seriously??"

And yeah. C is every bit as good a flirt as I but we always save our best lines for each other.


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

IMO, there is no line. There's no flirting. Period. You can use as many colors and fonts as you like to illustrate "lines". I don't - and never will - agree with married people flirting with someone other than their spouse.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

janefw said:


> IMO, there is no line. There's no flirting. Period. You can use as many colors and fonts as you like to illustrate "lines". I don't - and never will - agree with married people flirting with someone other than their spouse.



What do you consider as flirting?

I ask this because I see ordinary people flirting all of the time, with the sole intention of making somebody of the opposite sex smile.
Some people go over the top with it and IMO, that's when things get sticky.
However,you think that all flirting from married folks is bad.
I can't exist in an environment where I can't genuinely tell the girl at the cash register in the supermarket that she has a nice smile, and she blushes and says thanks.
And yes, I do it in front of my wife.

Sometimes the young guy at the service station might tell my wife good morning in a pleasant way and complement her hair, she smiles and says thank you.
I don't see anything really wrong with that, just as long as its done respectfully and in good taste.

But maybe you don't consider these things as " flirting."

Maybe you could shed some more light on what you consider flirting?


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Women flirt with me all the time, in front of my wife - waitresses, bank tellers, the girl at the local Lenscrafters, etc. My wife is OK with it and usually mentions it to me after we leave: "You DO know that she was flirting up a storm with you, don't you?" Most of the time I know it, but sometimes I don't. I am male, after all, and we guys don't always get the body language and flirty talk 

A few weeks ago we were at a local restaurant and the male waiter started flirting with my wife. When I had gotrten up to go to the rest room, he came to the table and offered to walk her to the ladies room 

I don't have a problem with it, and she doesn't either. I guess crossing the line would be to suggest something more personal and inappropriate other than just being super friendly and offering small talk, which I think is OK.

We're both secure with each other, and trust each other absolutely, so flirting is hardly a threat. It's more an ego boost for both of us . Harmless.

If the relationship were more rocky and uncertain, then I'd agree that there is no such thing as "harmless" flirting.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

sandc said:


> Gotta' respect a woman with good boundaries. They are usually more fun to be around. They can flirt, joke, and laugh about it with you without you having to worry about, "OMG, did she take that seriously??"
> 
> And yeah. C is every bit as good a flirt as I but we always save our best lines for each other.


Well you know what is sad.. with me.. I hate to say this about myself.. but in my youth I really struggled with this sort of thing... I was a Christian that felt Flirting was in the line of "Course Joking"...... 

Scriptures like this would pop into my head .... 









Eph 4:29 ...."*Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear*" 

So as you might imagine I was a bit of a stick in the mudd...I didn't go around correcting other people but I felt this talk was against God - therefore I am BAD if I even had a little FUN with it... 

I even quit waitressing cause I couldn't stand men calling me "Baby" "Honey"... I wanted to knock them upside the head & tell them I wasn't there _____.... my BF/now husband remembers me coming home & B*t**ing about this.. no wonder he was never a big Flirt with me! .... I cooked my own Goose on that account.  

So yeah....I've lightened up over the years...I don't feel I have lost my morality though.. I am more carefree, I laugh harder I laugh louder... I  more.... I allow others to BE themselves... I've lost some of "the judgement" you might say...

But really on a subject like this.... .I am not Lax.. .I am all for being Honest & TRUE to the one you are committed to....and if the  is itching to go over some Fence for another ....I don't think anyone here would deny this DOES start with a little innocent flirtation....some fishing... then another takes the bait....it escalates... it's the nature of communication, the dance of the opposite sex... after all. 

So what is the remedy.... Living like the Amish Dutch... men in this room/ women in the other...the end of Humor, expression/ compliments.....

Keeping the fires alive, burning HOT in your own marriage is by far the answer to these things.....if there is lots of upped Flirtation in your own home, in the bedroom... heightened intimacy...this ups so many things in your marriage...you would hardly even notice this sort of stuff... it would fall right off of you. 



> *Caribbean Man said*: What do you consider as flirting?
> 
> I ask this because I see ordinary people flirting all of the time, with the sole intention of making somebody of the opposite sex smile.
> Some people go over the top with it and IMO, that's when things get sticky.
> ...


 Very balanced - in my view... These are compliments.. .they are not OVER THE TOP.... I feel there are many lonely people in this world.. who could really USE a compliment....for whatever reason..... their self esteem may be in the gutter, they feel ugly... nobody would want them....It does bring a  to their face, uplifts their day.

I am the type, male or female, if I am out & about and I feel a worker is exceptional at their Job... I let them know ! I do compliment ! Could be Guy working in the Electronics section who was very helpful ....to a Tour Guide ..... to a Cashier who was friendly & Fast....to a Waiter...heck I told one a couple weeks ago on our vacation... that We were so impressed with his service to our family....I'd surely hit dirt before we'd have another Waiter as wonderful as he was....talk about a high praise ! 

I'll agree if the woman is hot, save your breathe, she gets enough compliments..... but I would never be for a world where men & women can't freely be themselves and give Compliments to each other...how DRAB. 

I like "personable people".


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well you know what is sad.. with me.. I hate to say this about myself.. but in my youth I really struggled with this sort of thing... I was a Christian that felt Flirting was in the line of "Course Joking"......
> 
> Scriptures like this would pop into my head ....
> Eph 4:29 ...."*Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear*"


I could tell a coarse joke here but I won't because I try to refrain from it. But there is a big difference in my mind between coarse joking and flirting. 

If I said, "SA, you are looking smokin' hot today!" Could that be considered flirting? Yup! Given your state of mind at this age, would this build you up? Yup! Would it give grace to those who hear? Maybe. That's why I'm careful in what situations I flirt. If it will build you up but offend someone else, I'll not say it.

This is also why I LOVE women who are aged 40+. They are comfortable in their own skin. The twentysomethings and thirtysomethings always seem so uptight.

And I don't know for sure but I'd be willing to bet... SA, you look smokin' hot today! :smthumbup:

(This was harmless flirting. I have no desire to actually have sexual intercourse with SA. This was a public service message for the humor impaired.)


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

I read this yesterday and have been thinking about it a lot.

Speaking from prior (bad) experience here, I am not a fan of flirting when married.

I don't mind a bit of charm from hubz. Like SA said she does when complimenting people. Sincere and appropriate is okay. I do the same. 

What I don't do - and I wouldn't accept from hubz - is "questionable" flirting. The kind that implies someone MAY be interested if the "flirtee" were to take them up on it. 

If hubz is the flirtee, I trust he would shutdown. Can be done totally lightheartedly. I had to do it not long ago. A guy I was chatting to said something flirtily. I smiled and said, "I don't think my husband would like that." Point was made.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## janefw (Jun 26, 2012)

I don't care what anyone else does. Flirt all you like, have a great time - do it to my husband and you will know about it - as other women have found out. 

BTW, I thought this thread was supposed to be about opinions, but evidently if I don't have the same opinion as the OP I'm not "personable". Whatever .... :sleeping:


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

I joke alot, so i might say a flirt like that....but I would also consider telling a male friend something similiar too....I am just like that...I wouldnt consider the bathing suit comment terrible, unless it is followed up with a "then come mow my yard" , or "send me some pics" then you are fishing for something more.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

sandc said:


> I could tell a coarse joke here but I won't because I try to refrain from it. But there is a big difference in my mind between coarse joking and flirting.


 Back then...and even now, I am still NOT CLEAR on the intended definition.....here is a thread trying to hammer that out - what it's supposed to mean- for those who ARE trying to live honorably by their faith... 

Cause Really... this is where Christians get uptight about having a sense of Humor. As you can see in these replies....
coarse joking



> If I said, "SA, you are looking smokin' hot today!" Could that be considered flirting? Yup! Given your state of mind at this age, would this build you up? Yup! Would it give grace to those who hear? Maybe. That's why I'm careful in what situations I flirt. If it will build you up but offend someone else, I'll not say it.


 I am going to ignore this SandC....  



> This is also why I LOVE women who are aged 40+. They are comfortable in their own skin. The twentysomethings and thirtysomethings always seem so uptight.


 I would think it is more mindset related / beliefs/ experiences.... if one has been cheated on, lied too, watched a Bf/ Gf *flirt* with another then leave them... this is a very very touchy subject that hits home...their life experience screams - THIS IS WRONG... 

I've never been cheated on... and really my husband is not a flirt... he will compliment , sure.... but never over "looks"...doesn't mean he doesn't "THINK IT" -but he doesn't say it. We do talk about what we think of the opposite sex very openly though... it's something we'd never change about ourselves (some feel that is going too far in a relationship, even disrespectful - we would disagree).... He knows every friend I've ever had a "crush" on - or could have remotely been a "potential" had I not met him. And vice versa. 



> (This was harmless flirting. I have no desire to actually have sexual intercourse with SA. This was a public service message for the humor impaired.)


I wouldn't have intercourse unless the man walked me down the aisle - so they'd have to do a hell of a site more than just flirt with me !! I may be a little lenient in expression over some... but clearly they'd run into a world of *seriousness* before a potential escalation ...that is just who I am .... and I wouldn't change it..



> * tobio said*: I had to do it not long ago. A guy I was chatting to said something flirtily. I smiled and said, "*I don't think my husband would like that.*" Point was made.


 This is exactly the response my husband gave once to a girl who attempted to bring him a jar of Homemade Jelly and asked for his phone # when he worked in a Grocery Store... he said ...."I don't think my fiance would like that"... she dropped all her stuff and ran out of the store ... 

Now granted, my husband is a quiet man, rarely hit on... I got a real chuckle out of this incident... but yeah, he showed his fine character & how much I meant to him in that quick "shut down" ... He never thought he was anything special... and frankly.. I enjoyed him getting that ego boost!! A friend of a friend had a huge crush on him, and my friend used to tell me how she wanted to see him naked in his apron, I thought that was a hoot ! I'd be jealous of course if I felt he was interested in any of these women, I just knew he wasn't...so this makes a HUGE difference.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

So, my ex accused me of flirting if i even talked to woman, including her married cousin--hello was over the line.

So it was a glaring concern when she was talking to a male aquaintance on facebook about the weather and was, in my opinion, reaching for more when she said "are you still cold "...that to me was an attempt to start a convo of how they can warm up.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

For myself, my own behavior, I know where the line is. It has taken a lot of self-awareness to really find that line, though. 

Also, sometimes if you are attracted to someone (even if only slightly), your body will flirt with people even if you aren't consciously doing it. Things like twirling your hair or arching your back, or a man might stand up straighter when a pretty woman walks by. So one of my own internal "lines" is that if I catch myself straightening up around a guy or if I feel "interest" in him (even if only slightly), then I will actually avoid that person. I know these indicators mean attraction is there, so I will deliberately go out of my way to not befriend or be too chatty with that person.

Same when I can see those indicators of attraction coming my way. I will avoid that person.

.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

My DH is a natural-born flirt. I knew him for years before we became an item. He was the boyfriend of my HS best friend; they were together for 8 years. He was loyal to her, but he was a huge flirt. When we met up again years later, I blew off all his advances figuring he was just flirting. 

When we started dating, I let him know directly that his flirting with other women made me uncomfortable. I was not going to be a relationship with a guy who flirted with other women. Thankfully he chose to stop flirting, except with me. 

To me, being complimentary is being nice. Making sexually-charged compliments is flirting. Flirting is a potential advance; friendly is not.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Every betrayal starts with a flirt.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> Every betrayal starts with a flirt.


I always viewed it as a way to check interest. Now that i am starting to enter the dating world again, you can see how it is used to gauge interest. The response to the flirt means everything....whether to pursue or not. Its a fishing trick....so when my ex all of a sudden want to flirt..i knew then it was the wrong direction to go for "us".


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Faithful Wife said:


> For myself, my own behavior, I know where the line is. It has taken a lot of self-awareness to really find that line, though.
> 
> Also, sometimes if you are attracted to someone (even if only slightly), your body will flirt with people even if you aren't consciously doing it. Things like twirling your hair or arching your back, or a man might stand up straighter when a pretty woman walks by. So one of my own internal "lines" is that if I catch myself straightening up around a guy or if I feel "interest" in him (even if only slightly), then I will actually avoid that person. I know these indicators mean attraction is there, so I will deliberately go out of my way to not befriend or be too chatty with that person.
> 
> ...


Well I can tell you all ... I ain't this GOOD... running from the scene....really...I kinda thought you might have an answer like this though -thinking back to that Alpha thread of yours ...all that predator talk. OmG... me & my husband had some real laughs over that... don't get mad at me FW !! 

I still like talking to people and if I find a guy attractive, I don't need to avoid him lest I fall into something.....if I had this little self control over my thoughts & overt behavior.... my husband better tie me up! 

We go just about every where together.....where he is, there I am... where I am...there he is sitting beside me...or I am surrounded by kids out & about. 

I wouldn't get together with any single men, or call them or anything like that... but no need to avoid. I've never had any instance where some hot tension was building with another ... or them to me .... the boundary was every present somehow.... Not sure how to explain that.. no one in our lives has ever *tried* to cross it .....where it was even a remote issue between me & him.......though there has been Joking/ sexual compliments made (when a gang of us are hanging together)....that some here would shrug at .... 

But still ....anyone who knows us as a couple....they just know that venture would be "fruitless". 

I am sure this is so true of you 2 also! Funny how different we are.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well SA...I mean more like people I work with.

Just an example, not about me but here where I work...

I sat here in my office and literally watched an affair start before my eyes. A cute girl worked at the front desk and a married guy who works here kept hanging around at her desk all the time. I could see the mutual attraction immediately.

Over time, they became "friends".

Um yeah...sure, "friends".

So eventually these two "friends" were spotted hanging out outside of work a few times. Then "work lunches" started happening a few times per week.

Every step they escalated this "friendship", I was sitting here just discusted. This man's wife was a real sweetheart. He always claimed she was "crazy jealous" and "never let him have friends".

Guess what happened next?

He left his wife, oh but, "they were having troubles anyway" he says. "It had nothing to do with co-worker" he said.

His wife meantime was devastated and so was their young son.

That is only ONE story of at least 4 other stories I have seen with my own eyes happen at work.

And being that I have seen it so many times....when a co-worker starts hanging around me too much or indicating attraction or interest, I politely end the conversation and then avoid that person. Not avoid them like the plague, but just be too busy with my work to really engage with them.

So it isn't like people would just straight up "hit" on me necessarily....but try to develop a friendship? Yes, for sure.

The guy in my story above - before he became "friends" with the gal in the story - tried to be "friends" with me too, for awhile. The moment I noticed an off-color sexual joke by him, I was done with that. I kept it all biz after that moment.

That is more what I meant, SA.

There really are predators out there. They might not even know they are being predatory....they just think they are "bored at home" and are just "being nice" and "innocent flirting".

I know better, having seen it lots of times in person.

.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I should clarify too.....the initial contacts between the two co-workers in my story above were all very "innocent flirty"....the "friendship" started with "innocent flirting".

.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

SimplyAmorous said:


> ..
> 
> Now granted, my husband is a quiet man, rarely hit on... I got a real chuckle out of this incident... but yeah, he showed his fine character & how much I meant to him in that quick "shut down" ... He never thought he was anything special... and frankly.. I enjoyed him getting that ego boost!! A friend of a friend had a huge crush on him, and my friend used to tell me how she wanted to see him naked in his apron, I thought that was a hoot ! I'd be jealous of course if I felt he was interested in any of these women, I just knew he wasn't...so this makes a HUGE difference.


This is a great example of where I see the difference between friendly fun and flirting.

Friend joking with a wife that you'd like to see what's under her DH's apron-  Friendly fun!

Friend joking with the wife's DH, when the friend and DH are alone: Hey hottie! I'd love to see what's under your apron! Whatcha got between those buns?  Over the line. 

Friend joking with the DH, in front of his wife: Hey, hottie! I'd love to see what's under your apron! - well, maybe cute, but kinda in poor taste. A good opportunity for the wife to step up and compliment her fella: Ooh! You want the truth? You couldn't HANDLE the truth! That's why he married me- not many women could handle what is under that apron! I am a lucky woman!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Faithful wife said*:
> There really are predators out there. They might not even know they are being predatory....they just think they are "bored at home" and are just "being nice" and "innocent flirting".
> 
> I know better, having seen it lots of times in person.


I know... I know...so many stories here...Truth is, I *DON'T* get off the farm much...probably why when we do hang with friends, I really ENJOY it and have a blast...we talk about it all...and it's FUN... I don't go to work every day brushing up against men. 

I only have my kids and my keyboard....when he's at work. 



Faithful Wife said:


> I should clarify too.....the initial contacts between the two co-workers in my story above were all very "innocent flirty"....the "friendship" started with "innocent flirting".


 Yes, I don't deny any of this.. it all starts that way... I said that in one of my posts too... as I read that chapter on flirting... 

It's just another reminder -while we live in this world brushing up against the opposite sex every single day... coworkers at lunch, etc...joking, talking about our lives... WHY it's so damn important to keep those FIRES burning at home & in the bedroom...... so we anticipate rushing home to grab our wives or straddle our husbands when we walk through the door... I know this must sound unrealistic to some...that's a shame. 

It's just that much less likely that something will "bud" at work...ya know. 

Keep your family pics at your desk, speak highly of your husband/wife.....I think in these situations too....one could immediately interject spouses into the mix...... when an inappropriate comment comes their way....if you do that enough...this itself is a SHUT DOWN.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

RoseAglow said:


> This is a great example of where I see the difference between friendly fun and flirting.
> 
> Friend joking with a wife that you'd like to see what's under her DH's apron-  Friendly fun!
> 
> Friend joking with the wife's DH,* when the friend and DH are alone:* Hey hottie! I'd love to see what's under your apron! Whatcha got between those buns?  Over the line.


 *When alone* is the thing here.... to Be honest, a Girlfriend of mine (in fact 2 of them) -who has known us since I met him -- we are talking 31 yrs here...jokes with my husband quite frequently similar TO THIS..... to ME.. . to HIM.... but no, she wouldn't do that alone... It just doesn't bother me..like at all.. we all laugh.. I even join in and offer more .... She is getting married this Sept...I her Matron of Honor... will be interesting to see if that comes to a stop... 



> Friend joking with the DH, in front of his wife: Hey, hottie! I'd love to see what's under your apron! - well, maybe cute, but kinda in poor taste. *A good opportunity for the wife to step up and compliment her fella:* Ooh! You want the truth? You couldn't HANDLE the truth! That's why he married me- not many women could handle what is under that apron! I am a lucky woman!


 I LIKE the way you think RoseAglow ... I would more so respond similar to THIS as well - over jumping to get into another's face to back off... I've seen threads like this on here...I just kinda shake my head... that just isn't ME... 

I am not into clawing women & cat fights. 

Me & mine has had some in depth conversations over this sort of thing over the yrs....just in who we'd be / pi$$ed at or go after ....IF one of us felt disrespected / hurt....as we've been around jokey/ flirtatious people......we understand we can't stop others mouths, what they think... bla bla bla... so long as there is no touching..

It is not THEM we are accountable towards.... but each other...so if He or I does something we feel is inappropriate, *crossing that LINE*... (I know we would be sensitive outside of a joking scenario) whether in response to a comment or just something in the heat of the moment..to escalate/whatever. (again this has never even happened).....and this was FELT by the other.....our BEEF would be with each other... ya know. We'd be talking afterwards about it ... 

It's each other we trust, we count on, we share all, our foundation is laid with.

It's an interesting subject... I think I have beat it to death here.. ha ha


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## psychedelicately (Jun 11, 2013)

There is a big difference between being friendly (e.g. 'Have a nice day! See you tomorrow.') and being flirty (e.g. 'wooooo! go put on a sexy bathing suit.'). I would not be okay with my husband texting a coworker to put on a sexy bathing suit, joking or not. Fortunately neither of us are very flirty by nature so this hasn't been an issue.

I agree with COguy: if you would not do or say it in front of your partner, it crosses the line.


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## 4thand11 (May 20, 2013)

I don't really think it's a big deal. Depends on intent. Some people flirt because they are feeling out the situation and looking for an affair. Others just flirt because a little bit of harmless flirting can be fun and occasionally a nice boost to the ego. If a woman flirts with me it is enjoyable but I have no intention of cheating on my wife, so I forget it practically the minute after it happens.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sorry, I'm not really buying the intent argument. If my line is in the water, any game warden would say I'm fishing. If someone needs an ego boost, they can get a dog. Unlimited adoration. Take a college course and get an "A". Learn a new language. Clean something, fix something, etc. I'll save women lots of time. The easiest thing on earth is to get laid. Roaches and rats manage without any problem. Being sexually interesting to someone isn't an achievement. It just means you're breathing. They guy who hit on you today probably hit on 20 others.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

COguy said:


> If you would not do or say it in front of your partner, it crosses the line.


Great call. 



janefw said:


> Flirting - period - is harmful, imo. It is extremely unhealthy and immature behavior.


So you call others names and then play the victim for having a "different opinion"? Good for you in later saying to each his own, but this is very different here. 

We openly flirt in front of each other where we see the other person is also cheerful, fun-loving and is not taking it seriously. Having the spouse there with you is a lock on people understanding you are joking around.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I don't agree with flirting either. It sends out signals that your interested in the person you flirt with.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Considering my history with having an EA, I'm hyper-vigilant about not intentionally sending out the wrong signals. I work in a place where I interact with a lot of women, both as co-workers and customers. The most I'll say to anyone beyond "Hi" or "Have a nice day" is to maybe compliment them on something they are wearing. Other than that, I don't say anything at all, especially if they are in any way attractive to me. 

In short, I'm in the camp of not saying/doing anything that I wouldn't do in front of my wife.


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## sad_angel (Jul 10, 2012)

If it is something you can't do in front of your partner then it is probably wrong to be doing.


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## DrWally (Jun 2, 2013)

I personally find that flirting can defiantly be harmless. Flirting is just a cheap fix to feel good about yourself. Hearing how handsome or beautiful one is from the same person gets repetitive, lets be honest, it does. Those of us who have kids can understand as a parent you may say something to your kids until you are blue in the face, but the moment an uncle says the same message, that's when the kid listens. Doesn't mean the kid is now going to view this person as their new parent. Like a husband/wife flirting, they hear from a stranger how good looking they are which makes them happy and feel good despite the fact you've been saying that for years. They only hear it when someone else says it. 

And to those who say that my wife/husbands opinion is the only one that matters... come on. Don't kid yourself. Their opinion may carry the most weight but you still listen and seek others approval too. 

So flirting to me is completely harmless. (assuming there aren't any problem within the relationship)


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

DrWally said:


> And to those who say that my wife/husbands opinion is the only one that matters... come on. Don't kid yourself. Their opinion may carry the most weight but *you still listen and seek others approval too.*


Actually, no, I don't. When I say my husband's opinion is the only one that matters, I mean exactly that. You can be friendly toward someone, offering a compliment, WITHOUT crossing over into flirting territory. Don't kid yourself on that. It's actually quite easy, if you WANT to do that. But that's the thing, you have to WANT to not flirt with others.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

WellyVamp said:


> The problem with drawing this line is that one person's flirting might be another's friendly banter. You also get the kind of people who think that any kind of friendliness from another must be flirting.
> 
> I think it comes down to intention. If you fancy someone and you're flirting with them, it's probably not harmless, especially if they flirt back!
> 
> ...


I agree with this, except for the part about the suggestion to wear a sexy outfit being a joke. No way. Unless the person saying that is a complete moron, then what was said was intentional...and also inappropriate. 

Friendly banter, however, can be seen by many as flirtation when it's only meant to be banter. Especially with my husband and I. We're very sarcastic people and like to tease not only each other, but our family members and our friends. However, we do follow the rule that, if we wouldn't say it with our spouse around, then it shouldn't be said. That crosses the line. Anything that is too embarrassing that it needs to be concealed or hidden is, obviously, way, way too much.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> This thread is talking about ...the LINE....
> 
> If you was a "Helluva flirt" DoubleTrouble- then you obviously did MORE than just complimenting the opposite sex, am I right..you pushed that envelop in some way ?
> 
> ...


We all need to be affirmed in our lives. Complimenting the people we know on things we see that they've accomplished, or a new haircut, or building them up when they need the encouragement, is what we, as humans, should do to those we like and care about. It's sad, in my opinion, that a person can't give an honest compliment these days without other people taking it the wrong way. 

Now, again, there are times when a compliment is given where there are clear intentions...and those intentions aren't good. Saying sexual things, imo, is definitely not appropriate when in a committed relationship. Flattery from members of the opposite sex is usually fairly exaggerated, and if not over the line, is dangerously close to it. 

But an honest compliment, given and taken as such, in my opinion, is completely acceptable.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

The issue is that "flirting" can't really be defined. I have a friend who thought she was flirting any time she laughed at a guy's jokes. She had quite a few guy friends, who really were nothing more than friends...there wasn't even attraction between any of them...and she was paranoid that what she did or said what flirtatious. She would tell me all the time about how so-and-so female friend berated her for flirting with all of the guys and I was always just standing there thinking, "Really? THAT was what these girls consider flirting? The guys were telling jokes...are we supposed to stand there straight-faced and not laugh? Who wants to be around girls like that?" 

I decided then and there that I would never be so uptight. Clearly, for those other girls, even laughing at a guy's joke was too much. Me? I like to laugh. I like to be around people who make me laugh, regardless of gender. Heck, it's why I liked being around DH when we were dating. He could, and still can, make me laugh like no one else can. But even _then_ neither of us saw it as flirting. 

So, how do we even define flirting? Do think I flirt with others? No, definitely not. Nor does my husband. But, according to the girls I mentioned above, I flirt with anyone who makes me laugh...men and women. So, it's pointless to get upset and worked up over something that few of us are even going to agree on how to define it. All I know is that I don't do anything that I consider to be flirtatious.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Great points, Created.

And Simply...I love giving sincere compliments and I do it at any opportunity. I can even deliberately "build someone up" if they need it, without ever crossing the line. I guess I sort of put something like a maternal or sibling vibe out, when I am deliberately building up someone's esteem. Sometimes we even have to do this at work, like if a co-worker is having a hard time with a client. That can really shake you up, for a long time...clients can sometimes be mean people. So after one of us gets knocked around by a client, the rest of us might have to rally around to help that person back up on their feet. 

I think any type of sincere esteem building messages are good, including sometimes "you look great today!", and yes even sometimes to the opposite sex. I just know internally where my line is....am I attracted to this person? I can be honest with myself about this now. (Which was not so easy when I first got together with my husband.)

I am also honest with myself about where my self-esteem comes from. I know sincere esteem building words when they are coming toward me, too, and I can see flirting coming from a mile away. They feel very different to my inner censor, though they may look the same on the outside.

I am honestly so happy with my husband and he flirts with me daily, almost hourly if we include texts. And we do some hardcore flirting, too...the kind that actually counts for foreplay. It is soooo good, that a little flirt or glance with a stranger literally means nothing to me. It is not exciting or flattering. It pales in comparison to the charge I get from having my man be totally into me and showing me he is every day.
.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Faithful Wife said:


> Great points, Created.
> 
> And Simply...I love giving sincere compliments and I do it at any opportunity. I can even deliberately "build someone up" if they need it, without ever crossing the line. I guess I sort of put something like a maternal or sibling vibe out, when I am deliberately building up someone's esteem. Sometimes we even have to do this at work, like if a co-worker is having a hard time with a client. That can really shake you up, for a long time...clients can sometimes be mean people. So after one of us gets knocked around by a client, the rest of us might have to rally around to help that person back up on their feet.
> 
> ...


I feel the same and honestly... If my husband didn't want to flirt with me in the last 4 yrs ~ with the touchy feely....I think I would have had to get rid of him.... I just had a little too many years of pent up flirtatious fury to unleash ... A little late... but hey...it arrived.  

It's just something we seemed to take for granted - it's not the normal story I suppose... we should have flirted more in our youth..(before kids)... 

Although I can be very complimentary...especially if I feel someone could use an UPlift / someone's having a bad day....if I am impressed by someone's work performance, etc.... I see this as a good thing.... 










Back to around friends again.....I just wouldn't reprimand the idiot friend who has a big mouth & gets a little carried away in moment .....or a GF etc... I just allow people to BE people... I am not one to throw a bucket of cold water on someone for a stupid joke....or cause a scene, even if I think it might be too much...or I wouldn't say it....my husband is the same way...

Ya know...unless it was so obvious, the whole room got quiet or something...or touching... (I'm talking Jokey situations here with the spouse present) ....as really this is kinda what we are talking about on this thread I believe....

Most of our friends are Christians and Mormons so it's not like they get all carried away anyhow. I am sure all manners of situations are flooding through people's heads on this one, and one might even have to BE there - to understand...

Obviously anything subtle - without one's spouse present... behind closed doors/ hushed flirting with sexual egos stroked... this is reaching into a territory that is and should be...forbidden....for very obvious reasons.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


>


Its as simple as this^^^.


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## sosotired (Jun 8, 2013)

4thand11 said:


> I don't really think it's a big deal. Depends on intent. Some people flirt because they are feeling out the situation and looking for an affair. Others just flirt because a little bit of harmless flirting can be fun and occasionally a nice boost to the ego. If a woman flirts with me it is enjoyable but I have no intention of cheating on my wife, so I forget it practically the minute after it happens.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe I'm missing something. How can it boost your ego if you practically forget it the minute after it happens?


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