# How to tell extended family



## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I need a little help on something. I'm trying to write a Christmas letter to my family, and in it I was going to put a little blurb on STBXH's and my separation and divorce. What the hell should I write without going into too much detail?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Ursula said:


> I need a little help on something. I'm trying to write a Christmas letter to my family, and in it I was going to put a little blurb on STBXH's and my separation and divorce. What the hell should I write without going into too much detail?


*Just tell them the absolute truth in three sentences or less! No real need to digress until in their presence!*


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Don't do it. You don't owe anyone an explanation. They will all figure it out eventually once they see how happy you are by being free of misery. 

Go to Hawaii by yourself for Christmas and live it up.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Don't do it. You don't owe anyone an explanation. They will all figure it out eventually once they see how happy you are by being free of misery.
> 
> Go to Hawaii by yourself for Christmas and live it up.


I would love to hide my head in the sand and pretend that this isn't happening, but this is how I plan to let my extended family know because the alternative of calling people or telling the story over and over and over again, really doesn't appeal to me.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I would frame it as positively as possible. "New opportunities abound as I look forward to this new chapter in my life. As you may have heard, stbxh and I have split up. I wish him happiness as he moves forward into his new life. This event has reminded me how much I value all of my friends and family members, and how the unexpected events in our lives ultimately provide new positive experiences and friendships."


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Hey thank Thor, I like that! That's what I was hoping to say, but after unpteen drafts, thought it best to get some thoughts from others.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

I just posted a pic on Facebook today with this blurb:

Significant changes going on. My husband of 26 years and I quietly separated in August, parting as friends. This is us in October, still looking cozy. We had a good run. And with three kids, we'll keep running. All is not lost.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

Usually Christmas letters are restricted to good things. How about instead just put in a picture of you + kids, without him and don't mention him in the letter and they'll get the message. And as far as getting asked by extended family, it can still happen even with the letter...they'll just call and ask for details.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Tell the family gossip and wait a week for the news to reach everyone?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

MJJEAN said:


> Tell the family gossip and wait a week for the news to reach everyone?


This. Surely you have an aunt who is in charge of this service for the family? 

Putting such news in a Christmas letter will only encourage everyone to call and ask you for the details. If you don't want that happening, then I would just not mention it in the letter. Or, you could skip the letter entirely and just send a Christmas card from you and the children.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Bananapeel said:


> Usually Christmas letters are restricted to good things.


I agree with this train of thought.




> How about instead just put in a picture of you + kids, without him and don't mention him in the letter and they'll get the message.


Maybe they won't. Doesn't matter: You're sending your extended family warm Christmas Greetings!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ursula said:


> I need a little help on something. I'm trying to write a Christmas letter to my family, and in it I was going to put a little blurb on STBXH's and my separation and divorce. What the hell should I write without going into too much detail?


Make it funny?


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Tell the family gossip and wait a week for the news to reach everyone?


Hahaha, I had suggested this to my Mom, but unfortunately, she's much more into the family letter she usually sends out. So, I'm including that in my little contribution to it.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Bananapeel said:


> Usually Christmas letters are restricted to good things. How about instead just put in a picture of you + kids, without him and don't mention him in the letter and they'll get the message. And as far as getting asked by extended family, it can still happen even with the letter...they'll just call and ask for details.


I agree with this, but the letter that is sent out is written by my mom, and she puts EVERYTHING in. My one Uncle passed away recently, their 1 dog had some serious health complications a few months ago, but is doing well now. There are huge paragraphs written on both of those topics. :-(


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Ursula said:


> I need a little help on something. I'm trying to write a Christmas letter to my family, and in it I was going to put a little blurb on STBXH's and my separation and divorce. What the hell should I write without going into too much detail?


You could go the humor route. Take last years's picture of you two, white him out, and use it again. They'll get the idea.


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Send a card with a picture of you and the kids but without him in it.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

More people know what has happened than you realize. Maybe a simply note in the cards to close friends and family.."2017 was a year of change for our family and this time of year I realize how much I cherish the love of my supportive friends and family"

Even if someone doesn't know yet they will ask and the word will circulate.


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