# Is it wrong of me that I hope he is miserable someday?



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

that I hope he hurts as much as I do, that I hope he gets back what he did to me in kind?


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## grizabella (May 8, 2011)

No, it's not wrong. A friend posted on my facebook homepage the following: The person who hurt will eventually screw themselves and if you're lucky God will let you watch. My ex is now married to a psycho-nutbar. I got to watch.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

most betrayed spouses feel this way at some point, even if they go through R

if it helps, I hope he hurts too


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

It's absolutely normal, but be careful. Carrying those thoughts around with you is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it. 

Maybe write out a fantasy, where he is miserable and regrets everything, make it really detailed and write until you can't write anymore. Then burn it. Leave it up to Karma, get it out of your heart and mind and start focusing on living a happy life for yourself.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

Mindful Coach said:


> It's absolutely normal, but be careful. Carrying those thoughts around with you is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it.
> 
> Maybe write out a fantasy, where he is miserable and regrets everything, make it really detailed and write until you can't write anymore. Then burn it. Leave it up to Karma, get it out of your heart and mind and start focusing on living a happy life for yourself.


:iagree:

Ultimately it only hurts you to hold on to it.

I don't even want her to hurt now. I really want her to have a happy life but there is nothing I can do seven months later that will save her from the consequences of her actions. 

The OM is trying to ditch her and I don't want her. She is really going to have to deal with two broken hearts and I don't wish that on my worst enemy.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

*be an editor & re-write the "play/scene"*

It's absolutely (humanly) normal, but be careful. Carrying those thoughts around with you is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies from it. (in essence, u die not ex-H)

Maybe write out a prayer, where he is "aware" and regrets everything; make it a really cathartic experience until you can't write anymore. Then burn it & leave it with God; get it out of your heart and mind and start focusing on living a productive life for the glory of love, which IS God, so that all who know u
and have "seen" what u've been through, will marvel!

Shalom aleichem.....


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi lisa ~

I think your reaction is normal and one of the many stages of grief and coping you will go through.

Yesterday after thinking about YOU and your situation, I went out to Amazon and downloaded the following book to read even though I'm not going through infidelity personally. I'm currently reading this one.

Amazon.com: Transcending Post-infidelity Stress Disorder (PISD): The Six Stages of Healing (9781587613340): Dennis C. Ortman: Books

It is very good. At the top of page four the author reveals the secret of eventual healing - and that is forgiveness.

Forgiveness - of your spouse and of yourself - may seem pretty far away right now, and that's okay. It's a process you will go through.

_"Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself." ~ Harriet Nelson_

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Best wishes.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I think it would be easier if he had died.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

again, youre not the first to say that

in some ways it is a death but instead of burying him you still have to see him walking around- it's like a zombie movie


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

All I can say is that life is unfair. Unfortunately the vast majority of people who are harmed are undeserving of it. You have to be strong not only for yourself but also for your children.

Please do not let him poison the rest of your life, he is not worth it.

It did help for me to write it out and place it away it was an opportunity for me to vent. As others have said you might try that.

I would also suggest reading those books that you find strength in.

Good Luck


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

I set some boundaries and expectations with him today-- he got all pissy saying he'd NEVER hurt the children how unreasonable of me etc. -- I reminded him of the following:

-you harmed me and them already and I never thought you would-- 2x just this week even though your words say you don't intend it
-you have completely blown our trust, all of us, not just me, them too
-Right now your words are cheap, your actions speak volumes and continue to do so (I mean the phone bull****, come on what crap, the not facing me and making me tell our youngest myself)
-Even though we are apart, you STILL have to earn our trust back if you want me to believe you, and you want the children to believe you
- You need to adjust your expectation as regards our reactions to what you SAY you will or will not do
-You refused to go to counseling even just to try to figure out how to relate to each other now
-WE DO NOT TRUST YOU and you EARNED it all by yourself.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I think it would be easier if he had died.


I have thought this before too. And its totally normal to want him to experience the pain you are going through. You are still early days into this. I wish you stength. You are a lot stronger than u think u are. Promise.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Yes, I wish all the time he could feel exactly what he put me through.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Sometimes it ends in a screeching bloody aria of prozac and powertools.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Lisa and Apple,
I think your emotions are normal and justified. But to hold on to this grudge and wish harm on someone else will just drag you down, make you bitter, and put wrinkles around your mouth from pursing your lips.

Take it from a man who used to be the king of retaliation. I used to wish bad things on people who had wronged me and could not wait until something happened to them. Now, I see that energy was wasted. People usually get what's coming to them. If you screw someone over, you're gonna get screwed. I see it all the time. I think you should revel in the fact that this butthead is no longer in your life and you are free to live the way you choose instead of tiptoeing around someone else's selfishness, temper and ego.

Be free, girls! Go get a bottle of vodka, some cranberry juice and celebrate you. Turn the music up and dance in your living room.
Just because you can...


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

She is still early days in this so of course she's feeling bitter and slighted...he just walked out on her to go with the OW. Feel your feelings. It would be worse to pretend like you're fine with everything now after a prolonged amount of time you are still feeling hateful n vindictive toward him...get therapy to help u deal with it. And a vodka cranberry never hurt anyone!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Hey do you have a dog? Does his teeth need cleaned?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Loooool
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

"Miserable?" 

He's a cheater, with the bad behaviours; sneakiness, deviousness, plausible all bad characterstics. 

Like all cheaters, he has lived a duplicitious life.

He sought to make your marriage an open one without seeking your consent!

The situation is a breach of contract. 

He deserves worse than just miserable. He deserves everything. Let's prey for some nasty venereral disease that puts his willy out of action for a while:lol:

Well he's got a liar just like himself. Two cheatin liars that deserve each other. 

Rise above him, keep your head high, stretch your legs forward so that you can move on quickier than he could ever have imagined. 

Show your kids the importance of being respected and the consequences of someone who treats you like a piece of wallpaper tossed in the garbage can. 

Like many LS, you thought you were with someone decent but instead you chose a lying cheatin rat.

Check out his friends... 

Cheaters usually have close cheatin friends.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Dear Ex - who's going to start your car every morning?


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## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Dear Ex - who's going to start your car every morning?


Cue music from "The Godfather"...


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Unless your are Ghandi or Mother Theresa of Calcutta, this is expected.
I have some fantasies of getting legal revenge. One is that my XW is stranded by the roadside in sub zero weather, in a remote place. I see her and she sees me as I drive by. No legal obligation to help. Nothing legally wrong with simply waving by and leaving her to freeze. I wonder what I would really do if the opportunity presented itself.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

Arnold said:


> Unless your are Ghandi or Mother Theresa of Calcutta, this is expected.
> I have some fantasies of getting legal revenge. One is that my XW is stranded by the roadside in sub zero weather, in a remote place. I see her and she sees me as I drive by. No legal obligation to help. Nothing legally wrong with simply waving by and leaving her to freeze. I wonder what I would really do if the opportunity presented itself.


You'd find out IF.....u had Jesus in yer heart or not, &/or to what "degree" u did/didnt.

selah.


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## Onedery (Sep 22, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> that I hope he hurts as much as I do, that I hope he gets back what he did to me in kind?


You are within your rights to wish anything you want for your cheating spouse. However, I think you will better appreciate concentrating on your own happiness and let fate deal with him.
The old adage of "what goes around comes around" is true in most cases and his behavior will eventually lead him to his reward.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

cb45 said:


> You'd find out IF.....u had Jesus in yer heart or not, &/or to what "degree" u did/didnt.
> 
> selah.


Yes, I suppose I would, although there are many other religions and philosophies that promte forgiveness and mercy, as well, Chritianlity does not have a monopoly.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

Arnold said:


> Yes, I suppose I would, although there are many other religions and philosophies that promte forgiveness and mercy, as well, Chritianlity does not have a monopoly.


Yes, i suppose some of them do but.....

they cant in reality/actuality/punctuality(oh what fun is this!)/
any ''ty" u want...lol, DELIVER the Goods when IT comes to 
cleansing away SIN, and resurrecting a dead body/soul.

In THAT, do Christians have a monopoly, yeeeessssss!
(all thanks to Jesus, of course)

and when the new heaven arrives, well.....they (christians) 
inherit the whole "board"(world, ya digg?).


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

appleducklings said:


> hey do you have a dog? Does his teeth need cleaned?



lmao!!


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

I feel better after reading this thread.
God let me watch... yup, I am laughing now!!!!

Karma bit my H in the nuts, not the ass, literally. Okay, a little higher than the nuts even. 

and I'm going to be evil and ENJOY It for a day or so. 

I know its wrong to feel happy about someone's pain... but I'll deal with that tomorrow.

Some people do get what they deserve. 

I hope I deserve better, so I'd better try to be a good person.
After today.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

cb45 said:


> Yes, i suppose some of them do but.....
> 
> they cant in reality/actuality/punctuality(oh what fun is this!)/
> any ''ty" u want...lol, DELIVER the Goods when IT comes to
> ...


Well, I guess time will tell on that, eh?


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