# How do i know if my marriage is falling apart!!



## unhappy_and_sad (Nov 1, 2010)

Ive been with my partner for 12 years and been marriage 5 years this week. We have 3 wonderful but very stressful and hyper kids.
I thought we had a perfect marriage until 2 years ago when he started a new job. As part of this job he had to deal with a lot more people on the telephone and working away was also a factor.
I can remember the day he first mentioned this persons name but it never worried me before.
I was out with a girlfriend one nite and can remember coming home and seeing him laughing and joking on the telephone but when i came in the phone was nowhere to be seen.
the next day i checked his phone (may i add for the first time in our relationship) and he had texted "sorry for the inconveince (me) and speak soon babe".
I became more aware of this person, deleted text messages, long "work" conversations then came the calling at 2am and 3am in the morning and when i came in the room the phone being thrown down as if i was imiaging it. I was made to think it was all in my head.
Bearing in mind this person was also supposed to have a partned.
To cut a very long story short the texts and phone calls continued and i have asked on 3 occasions for him to stop and he has promised on all 3 occasions that that was the end of his "friendship" and he has maintained that it all it is. He was out at the weekend and i asked if he had text her and he said no but i asked him to get his phone and was able to call him a liar.
Its as if the minute he away from us he cant wait to text and call her and delete all knowledge to i dont see it. he says he does this to protect me. Im an adult i dont need protected.
It has also came to the point where all we do is fight non stop over this person and i throw it in his face all the time. Ive tried to trust him but how can i trust someone who lies all the time to me. Is there a relationship with lies and no trust???
This person has now taken to abusing me on social network sites i have delted all mine but know from my friend that she still abuses me on a daily bases.
Can we save this marriage or do i have to do the right thing and walk away. I love him so much and want to stay for our kids sake but i sometimes think im hurting them by staying. 
Please help me im so desperate as this has been going on for 2 years now.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

2 Years???

Sorry, but he's taking you for a fool. You've asked him to stop and he has continued FOR 2 YEARS and is still with you.

Ask him to (a) stop all contact now and see a marriage counselor with you or (b) leave.

Otherwise, you will be living like this until he decides to leave on his terms, not yours.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

He won't leave. He has his cake and is eating it too.


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## unhappy_and_sad (Nov 1, 2010)

I understand both your comments and when we are happy we are so good together but always at the back of my mind she is always there.
Im just so unhappy, scared of hurting all the time and scared of hurting my babies and taking their daddy away from them.
today is my anniversary and nuthin, he was out the door at 6.30am this morning and nuthin, we havent spoke for 5 days, cant even look at each other. the tears are soaking the keyboard as im typing, im just so stuck in this rut.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

4sure said:


> He won't leave. He has his cake and is eating it too.


Exactly. That's why she has to force the issue. otherwise it will never end.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

I've given gal pals this advice for years, try not to shed so many tears for a person... who isn't shedding tears for you. Your husband is blatantly disrespecting you, and why you cry... he sits back and shows no emotion. To me, he isn't worthy of your tears. 4sure is right, he'll continue this as long as you allow him to. It saddens me to hear threads like yours. It seems as though some women, all they want is a family, which includes a stable household with a husband that treats them well. Some guys, call it a character flaw, just don't get it. 

Move on, give him an ultimatum, a stern one! If things don't stop immediately, you'll file for divorce the next day. Its a shame you have to threaten him to do what's right. But, if you want to try to work it out, by all means. It just doesn't sound like he is willing to do anything on his part to stop all this. File for divorce... and then we'll see some tears on his part.


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## unhappy_and_sad (Nov 1, 2010)

Rob774 thank you so much for your advice, you seem like such a really nice person,
I understand everything you say.
I did pack me and the kdis bags a few months back and i got the "your making the biggest mistake of your life" speech. He often tells me ill be nothing without him. I know i sound so weak but i am really a strong person. I just think my only problem is having no one to talk to. My family all stay distances away and the only people i got are my parents but i dont want to burden them with me and 3 kids problems.
If and when we start talking again or even looking at each other i feel the approach of seperating may have to occur.
Thanks for listening to my rants.
xxx


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

The guy sounds abusive, and he knows there are no consequences to his cake eating double life which makes him feel like a stud. He is being very selfish, and also emotionally /verbally abusive with the "biggest mistake" speech and the megalomania of "you're nothing without me". If you leave him ( I'm not advocating a divorce, but perhaps a separation may not be a bad idea), he will eventually find out who made the "biggest mistake".


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## gtsanchez (Sep 26, 2010)

I'm know that this must be so incredibly difficult for you. I am sorry to say, but I don't think that you can have a true marriage without trust. Right now there is absolutely NO trust, and you are very much right in not trusting him. I suspect that there is more than a "friendship" here, but he is at the least cheating emotionally. Unless you can trust that he wants to end this completely, there will be no foundation of trust for you both to rely on. The fact that he is lying and hiding his texts and calls even after he has said that he will end the "friendship" shows that he probably cannot be trusted to do so. He is trying to make you feel that you NEED him and cannot get along without him. That is how most abusive relationships work. You have to be strong and realize that you do not NEED him and can be fine by yourself. It will be tough at first (particularly where the kids are concerned), but you will be fine on your own and learn to be happy. Don't let him convince you otherwise. 

I have been married for 23 years, and have never once cheated on my wife. Sure there are temptations in every lengthy marriage, but I have always wanted ONLY my wife and still do. It does not sound like your husband feels that way unfortunately. Unless he can say that and you can believe him, I don't see things working out together. I hope that he comes to his senses, but you WILL be fine if he doesn't. BE STRONG!


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## lyka414 (Oct 21, 2010)

Thanks for an eye opener... Actually we're on the same shoes.. the difference is that we don't have kids to take into consideration, but still I can't let go because I know to myself that I still love him. I'm also afraid to face the truth that I could have a failure marriage. I always thinking of what others might say if that will happen to us. Upon reading your threads and all the posted comments, I was enlightened that in order to gain respect, you should respect yourself first. I learned that in a relationship there are three important things to consider: the love, trust and respect. If one of them weakens, it will affect so much on your relationship. In our case, damage has been done, the trust is gone, the respect is gone, and soon the love will fade because of so much hurt. Sorry to say but I think we have to end the agony and do need some actions.. In making decisions always ask guidance from the Lord. God Bless us...


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