# How to confirm if my husband is gay?



## Qurious (Jan 24, 2013)

Hello
It may sound like a common question but is there a way to figure for sure if my husband is gay or bi?
Going by some discussions ive read, i do see some signs. 
He has gay friends.
We've been married only a few months and he is never really interested in sex. 
Ive never seen him check out girls. If at all he does, he notices the makeup or finer nuances.
I feel he's gay or bi. Ive tried discussing with him but he laughs it off. I expect him to be angry about my asking but he vaguely dismisses it saying im struck to this thought. About our not having sex often he says it isnt a big deal.
Ive been fighting a lot. At first i fought cuz i felt he didnt love me. Thats obvious. But now i feel the crux of this loveless marriage is his wanting to show me off so hes never percieved as gay.
I feel disturbed if this marriage is just a sham from day1. 
Please advise.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You get him to watch gay porn and put your hands down there and see if there's a twitch or erection.


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## Qurious (Jan 24, 2013)

We've never watched porn together...how do i get him to watch gay porn with me.. we hardly talk like friends. I just feel we're just living together and mentally hes somewhere else.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just tell him you want to give it a try, don't shock him though, just try normal porn at first. The next day, try gay porn and feel his pecker.

But hell if you're just living together and can't even talk like friends or even agree to spend some time together then I wonder if this marriage is even salvageable regardless of his sexual orientation,


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## Grayson (Oct 28, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> You get him to watch gay porn and put your hands down there and see if there's a twitch or erection.


Not exactly a conclusive test.

Being about a 1 on the Kinsey scale, I can find guys arousing. My college gf enjoyed bi/gay porn. I watched with her, less to see it myself than because she watched lesbian porn wi me even though she didn't enjoy it. When I watched bi/gay porn with her, I had no reaction. If I watched the same videos on my own, it was a different story.

I guess what I'm saying is, situational context can result in different responses.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Have you ever caught him with balls in his mouth? Does he wear macrame shorts? Does he have a rainbow bumper sticker on his Prius?


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

Qurious said:


> We've never watched porn together...how do i get him to watch gay porn with me.. we hardly talk like friends. I just feel we're just living together and mentally hes somewhere else.


why go through all this set up stuff. gay or not, you are not emotionally fulfilled in this relationship. if he isnt interested in exploring why or how to fix it, it doesn't matter what his sexual orientation is the result is still the same. He isnt into you for reasons only he knows. Annul or divorce. staying is just dumb.

theyre bi men who marry and are totally into their wives. he sounds like an ass


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## brokendown77 (Dec 15, 2012)

Check his Pinterest.

But seriously, if he is not fulfilling you emotionally what does it matter if he is gay or not? Find someone who will treat you right.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

Thoreau said:


> Have you ever caught him with balls in his mouth? Does he wear macrame shorts? Does he have a rainbow bumper sticker on his Prius?


:rofl::rofl::iagree:


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## OrganizedChaos (Jan 23, 2013)

I have Gay friends, am I gay?

Maybe its a testosterone issue. And not all guys have raging libido's, just start trying different methods, sometimes a guy doesn't really know what his fetish is, help him find it.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

There are lots of theories that a guy is either straight or gay, there is no "bi" just 'gay in denial' or 'gay and knowing it but lying about it'.

It makes a lot of sense.

Go do some reading on it.


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## EntirelyDifferent (Nov 30, 2012)

janesmith said:


> why go through all this set up stuff. gay or not, you are not emotionally fulfilled in this relationship. if he isnt interested in exploring why or how to fix it, it doesn't matter what his sexual orientation is the result is still the same. He isnt into you for reasons only he knows. Annul or divorce. staying is just dumb.
> 
> theyre bi men who marry and are totally into their wives. he sounds like an ass


This. My partner is bi, and you'd never know it if you talked to him. The whole gay porn set-up wouldn't work on my guy either, and you might go to all that trouble for no results at all, even if he isn't straight. There's no 'Gay/bi test' you can give him, so the only way to 'confirm' is if he comes out and says so himself. 

With that being said, in a situation like yours, I'd let go of all that and focus on what I see as the main issue from your posts: you being in a relationship that doesn't fulfill you in any way, not even as a friendship.


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