# emotions all over the map



## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

Does this emotional roller coaster ever stop so I can get off? 

One minute I'm all excited about the separation and having my own place, thinking that this is just what we need. 

The next minute I'm on the verge of tears wondering how I can do this, I'm going to miss him SO MUCH. 

How is this going to go? I am so scared that he's going to change his mind about our 'not seeing other people' agreement. 

I don't know if I can handle this while I'm at work. I should be working, but I'm on here because this is all I can think about today. I can't concentrate and I feel like I'm about to cry. 

I think I need to go home and cry for about four or five hours. 


I haven't even moved out yet! What am I in for? 

Really, please somebody tell me this gets better.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

How you're are feeling is so normal. You are scared to stay and scared to go. Cry your heart out. I cried so hard, in the shower, by my bed, and in my car that I though I'd burst a blood vessel. I can't believe this is happening to me...was my thought. It wasn't supposed to happen to us.

I am treating this as a opportunity for a better marriage in the future. If it doesn't happen, then I will have tried everything. Separation is my last resort to save my marriage.


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## mikey (Jul 7, 2009)

I would still say that try if you can work it out while under the same roof. You or your DH may start harboring bitterness after you separate which might take you in the wrong direction. If you still love him, be hard with him under the same roof and try your best to make him realize what it would be to live separately. 

I did not understand what my wife wanted while still under the same roof, but it was partly her fault to not communicate things in an straight and amicable manner w/o letting the emotions take over the conversation.

You may have crossed that line where you think going back would make him feel like a winner and he will start dominating you even more. But I would say please give it another good look. Your kids coming back soon is kind of pressuring you into this and that may influence you taking a wrong decision. Don't cry, think instead!!


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## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

Mikey, we BOTH agree that separation is the best thing for right now. We have had SO many problems for SO long and tried SO hard to fix them, discuss them, I mean we've talked this stuff to death. We both just keep falling back into old patterns over time and our relationship problems are cyclical. Neither of us want to let it go around again. 

And honestly, you sound so much like him. I feel like you're telling me (just like he does) that I'm incapable of making a sound decision for one reason or another, that I'm too emotional. 

This is just very hard. I want to believe that we will BOTH be better people alone than we were together and then we can start over from a better place. Is that just a pipe dream? Do people really ever get back together? 

Thinking LEADS to crying for me. 

This whole thing sucks ass. 

Corpuswife, thanks for your comments, too. It really is comforting to know I'm not the only one that bawls in the shower and the car. Thank you, really.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Easy,

I break down all the time -- so don't sweat it. Sometimes I feel embarrassed about it but it is natural. 

And it does @#$% ass. No other way I'm afraid. If life was easy I guess we'd all shoot ourselves from boredom.

You will be a better person if you give the effort you deserve. Always remember that, it is about you and not him. I know it is hard to see that right now, but you will. In the end who knows, but you will be a better person from the inside out. And that will resonate with your children.


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## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

Thank you for your comments. It means a lot to me that people care enough to come on here and give comforting words. 

I still haven't talked to my kids about this. They are at their dad's for the summer, but they were supposed to come home for a visit this weekend. I called my ex this morning and just told him it would be a really bad weekend for them to come home, and asked if they could stay there. He agreed, but I know the kids are going to be upset. My son is 14 and he is going to want an explanation. My daughter is 10 and is pretty close with her step-dad. This might be hard on her. 

How do I deal with them? They know that DH and I have problems, and we've been very close to splitting up before, to the point where I took the kids and stayed in a hotel and told them that we were not going home. (This was after a serious altercation right in front of the kids. DH ripped the smoke detector out of the ceiling because my son didn't get it to stop going off fast enough. I blamed myself for that for a long time because I was the one that burnt the food.) 

But anyway, DH and I are still going to be friendly and see each other, we might even .. like .. date or something. So what do I tell the kids? Just that we can't live together? Maybe that we will get along better if we don't live together? 

Any advice?


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

You have to deal with them honestly and openly. Reassure them that you love, he loves them and in that regard nothing will change. Also no talking about fault or anything else. Don't talk bad about them in front of them, etc. 

Thats all I got. Anyone else?


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## separation anxiety (Aug 10, 2009)

I separated from my wife 2 weeks ago, have 2 kids that are 3 and 5 so different situation with kids much younger. 
For the kids, my approach is to tell them what they can process, your kids are older so you probably would talk more about what is happening, but I would say making sure the kids know both you and your husband love them no matter what and that you are both very much in their lives. They obviously know you have had issues so it may be a relief for them. Anytime you are together in front of them keep it friendly. Arguing or using the kids as pawns will seriously mess them up.

Hang in there. It has been hell for me but the separation was the only way to make a change for us and sounds the same for you. 
When you second guess yourself, look back at what got you to separate and think it through. 

Counseling for both of you is essential if you want to work it through, whether you stay apart or get together. 
Be true to yourself and play this out. Our issues were cyclical as well and I wanted to stop the cycle for good even if it meant moving on. And yes.....you will cry. Good luck.


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## karajh (Jul 25, 2009)

I wish that I could tell you that separation works every time. My husband and I have been seeing each other or dating a little lately and even though we have a good time.. It just does not feel like enough after being married for 7 years.. so I have decided that for now.. I just cannot do it. He left me though... I hope all of this works out for you.. the kids will adjust mine have and he is they're step-dad and they love him, but their my kids and want the best for me. Crying is healing so just let it flow!!
Good Luck


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## StongerWithEachLesson (Aug 23, 2009)

First time poster. Hello, everyone.

Here is an article I found very helpful in learning what emotions you can expect to experience when you are dealing with losing a relationship.

End of a Relationship - Recovering from a broken heart

Keep your chin up.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Tell the kids that you and their dad love them. Tell them it has nothing to do with them, that you are separating. Tell them that you are hoping to work on the relationship (if you are hoping). You can make no promises but your love for them is unconditional.

Keep it simple. Their heart will be dropping. Let them express themselves. Listen. Listen. Listen. Ask them if they have any questions.

My daughter cried for 1 hour and didn't say a word. Finally, she asked "where am I going to live." We explained that the plan was to stay in the same neighborhood if possible. My 20 year old was upset and kinda angry. He's wrapped up in his world...he didn't have much to say.


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## H8M32DAY (Oct 16, 2008)

It's good to be emotional. Holding things in only makes it worse. I wish I could cry more. The tears won't come though.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I am all emeotional without even taking any steps toward separation or divorce. I think you all must be stronger than me.


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## gw326 (Jul 1, 2009)

Been two months now since my wife told me she wanted a divorce.While she hasn't filed yet,and i'm doing better i tend to have breakdowns where i just start to cry and i have no idea why.Terrible things we all go through in our lives.


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## StongerWithEachLesson (Aug 23, 2009)

gw326 said:


> Terrible things we all go through in our lives.


Yes. 


If your marriage/relationship was a in a bad state (as most are when they are about to end, even though both may not be aware of it), I think you have keep what is actually happening in focus; see it as the end of negative situation. 

And that is beneficial to you, even though its a painful process to endure..........you gotta keep you eye on the longterm benefit, and the eventual goal: getting through it and onto a better relationship that will be positive, enjoyable and fulfilling. 

Like passing a kidney stone. Hurts like hell when its coming out, but oh the relief once its gone and you are over it.


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