# Merry Christmas Everybody!



## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Just got rid of the kiddo and I am exhausted. The up and down rollercoaster of emotions are still there after three years of this crap but the good moments outweigh the bad. I hate to say it but I am just kind of numb to much of the holiday stuff. Just doesn't mean as much to me as it once did. Kind of sad and something that I know I am in partial control of because to be honest, it has nothing to do with the ex-wife anymore. But...Let's face it. Christmas and New Years, etc, are definitely a lot more fun when there is a special person in our lives. Saying I don't miss having someone at this time of the year is a lie. 

So...Tomorrow morning I will be waking up before the sun comes up and driving back to my folks to work all day. Figure I have two options. Sit in my sh!tty little apartment and drive myself crazy and waste the day away or kick on the power tools and turn on the radio and freeze my butt off in a garage with no heat putting in a ceiling for my dad. Side benefit to that is I get to make some cash and give it to the credit card companies at the end of the month. Life is grand! :lol:

I'm cautiously optimistic about the new year. Hopeful that I can achieve a couple of major goals, including paying off the last of the credit card, buying a house, and maybe, just maybe, find some lucky lady to share a bit of free time with. Damn, that would be nice. It's been WAY too long. 

Anyway, hope you TAM folks have a great Christmas tomorrow.


----------



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Don't give up hope, Paradise. It has taken a few years for me, but things are much, much better this Christmas than the last bunch. No, I don't have someone here with me tonight to share Christmas Eve with -- in fact, it's the first C. Eve that I haven't even had DS with me. And while that doesn't make me happy, per se, there is so much more about life that is better than years past, that it has bled into the general holiday, and it gives me even more hope for next year. Even last summer, I couldn't see myself in this place. Yet, here I am. Sometimes, I think it just sneaks up on us. Just keep on doing what you're doing, Paradise. It will get better. That numbness won't always be there. You will find someone with whom you can share these moments. Believe it.

Merry Christmas, Paradise!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Merry Xmas!


----------



## stillhoping (Aug 27, 2012)

Merry Christmas. I had a much nicer day than I thought possible. Both sons and their girlfriends were here for breakfast and gift exchange. S24 left to see his girlfriends parents, then s26 and I went to see his girlfriends 90 year old grandma, made crafts, it was fun. Now I am back with my tree, napping and watching Christmas movies. Going to my s26 house later tonight for drinks. I still miss the partnership of my exH, it's hard watching them go off to see their dad and my former in laws without me, but I took the time today to do what I needed to do for me. No extra family visits where I feel like a stranger, no overheating, no over drinking. Feels okay. I am grateful for my sons, my family and my life. I am sad he is gone, and missing all of this


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Merry belated xmas all


----------



## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Merry Happy Everything to everyone!!! :toast: 

Feeling a combination of holidays blues and acid reflux after my first winter holiday season solo. Christmas was harder than Thanksgiving for some reason. But I still spent time with loved ones, laughed quite a bit, and cuddled a furry animal or two. I'm considering those minor victories against my anxiety, depression, and numbness. 

Angelpixie - always love when someone who's far wiser than I am posts it gets better. Hope is my holiday blessing. 

Side note - Didn't realize how good of a job I was doing with the eating healthy/exercising thing until I overindulged in wine, butter, dessert, etc. Maybe when we get used to a healthier lifestyle (both mentally and physically) our body starts rejecting all the old nasty stuff? Not a bad thing....


----------



## Mrlonelyhearts (Apr 12, 2012)

Merry Christmas. Prayers for a better tomorrow for all of us.


----------



## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Well, I had a pretty good day. Woke up at 5 and did my p90x workout and then headed to the folks to work. My parents were at the hospital all day with a friend of theirs so it was me alone on the farm taking out a fence and fixing a garage. I find it is usually a good thing for me to get away from the city for a while and spend the day doing manual labor. My body is exhausted, which always helps me sleep. 

Angel, I know my first post probably sounded kind of depressing but I am not even close to being in that state of mind anymore. True, there are moments of sadness but for the most part I am doing really well right now. I'm happy but far from content. I look at how far I've come in the last year and I can see all of the hard work I have done and how much it has paid off. Once again, I am hopeful for an amazing 2014 but I am also realistic. Nothing ever comes easy for me and that's ok. It's going to be darn special when I reach that zenith. 

Folks, I hope everyone had a great day, whether it was spent with family, friends, or even alone. There are lessons to be learned and joy to be had no matter what.


----------



## Paradise (Dec 16, 2011)

Happy early New Year. 

I'm about as nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. One of my friend's wife work in the ticket office to the big performing arts center near where I live. Anyway, his wife got us two tickets to the New Year's Eve thing (they were $500 tickets) for free so I guess I am going. This is one of those types of things that make me very anxious. I mean, yes, I am quite cultured for where I come from but I grew up in a town of 200 people on a farm. Where I'm from it is normal to go to school wearing the boots that you just used to feed the cattle and pigs. A majority of these people with be in tuxedos and I'll be in my crappy suit that I bought 15 years ago when I was interviewing for teaching jobs after college. Thank God it still fits right. I know it shouldn't matter and years ago I would have not cared at all but I have admitted on here many times that I've kind of turned my lifestyle into being a hermit since my divorce. Not cool, I know, and I know this is a chance to get out and meet some new people but I just cannot help being a bit nervous. 

Any advice? 

On another note....Remember the gal I talked about in a past post of mine? Well, I ran into her again today...kind of. I was in line at starbucks in my truck and I looked in my rearview mirror and she was behind me. When I got up to the window I bought her coffee and went about my merry way. I know she saw me. but....No text, nothing. I didn't do it for the recognition so no big deal but I just can't help but think it is strange that I run into this gal constantly.


----------

