# Help please!!



## crawfoml1 (Jan 27, 2012)

Ok, I am 36 my husband is 39. I do not enjoy sex with my husband. I never have. WE have been married for 13 years. I was 20 yrs old when we met, already had a child. We met online and I was emotionally In Love with him. I had a pretty unstable upbringing and he know this. I was always a very sexual person. We lalked online, sent letters, talked on the phone for months and we finally met. He drove to my town to meet me and the plan was to go back with him. 

My daughters father gave me a good bit of monet to go away so i did. I rented a uhaul and went to his state. No job, no place to live and had a child. I must have been nuts!! We had sex the day he came and I did not feel the sexual connection at that time. I figured it was just the pressure we put on our selves. 

Well, Things in the bedroom never got better for me or him. We used to always argue about it. I alwys thought it was me even though I used to love sex. I figured that would get better overtime, it never did. I just keep telling my self it would. 

Needless to say, a year after I got here, I got pregnant. He asked me to marry him and I said no at first. I wanted to marry him because of love not a child. Well that is what I did. After we had our son, I said yes. I should have never done that. 

Now dont get me wrong, I do love him very much. He is a wonderful person but I have never been "IN LOVE" with him. Not like a wife should love her husband. I thought I did but no!!

We have been through hell and back in our relationship, ups and downs. Oneday, about 6 months ago, I pushed his hand away from me while he was trying to touch me. I didnt mean to do it, it was instictive. That was a huge wake up call for me. 

I no longer want him to touch me at all. It got to the point where we would only have sex one a month if not longer. Then tried to schedule it for once every two weeks. I dreaded that day. I feel so horrible that I have cheated him out of a woman that wants him body and soul. I am seeking a divorce soon but he does not want it. I belive it is not fair of me to stay in this marrige and not have sex with him. I t is not fair to him or me. I can not live like this amymore. There is somuch more to this story but it all will not fit! Any advice would be wonderful!!


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## Wantsmore (Sep 13, 2011)

I think you said it all. You can't live like this and it will never get better. Leaving sometimes is the only answer. It sounds like you are not very happy and that will start to effect your children as well.


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