# Need some advice



## Anon829 (Nov 16, 2011)

Ok, so my wife and I are both only 23 and I am in the navy. I have been in for only about 2 years. We had dated and lived together for about 3 years before I joined and married in december of last year. We have always been very close and went through a lot of hard financial times before I entered the military which brought us even closer. She has always acted like she knew exactly what she wanted with our relationship. Constantly talking about our future and children someday, things like that. 

I recently went on a 2 1/2 month patrol which completely changed our relationship. For about the first month I was gone we were able to keep in touch through email and everything was just the same as before I had left, but I went through a period of about a month where we could have no communication. When I got off the boat and met her she acted very different. She admitted to cheating on me with a guy for nearly a month straight, and told me that she had changed a lot since I was gone. It's been about a month since then, and now I am going to counseling and hoping to work things out. However, she is back in our hometown with her friends and goes out to bars nearly every night on my dime. I trust her when she tells me she hasn't cheated since I came back to work because she was so open about the first incident. She says she is confused about what she wants and I am growing tired of playing these games with her. I love her, but intentionally or not she is taking advantage of me and I don't like it. 

I'd like any feedback on this. I have already been told that since we are only 23 we should just end it and move on, and I will consider that, but would also appreciate what seems like more helpful advice.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You are young, in the Navy, and likely to go on long deployments again that require no contact. Do you want to worry about her cheating again while you're gone? She's no acting very remorseful for what she did since she's going out to bars with her friends, rather than being with you.

Sorry to tell you this, but the answer is staring you in the face.
Your relationship will never be the same again. Take it from a cheater, I know this.


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## CSmith (Nov 19, 2011)

Anon,

Military men are usually cheated on, i've seen it many times before...its happened to me before when I joined. You cant marry before you join...I cant stress that enough. Some women will stay faithful but some wont. Its too risky.


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## misticli (Oct 28, 2011)

Long distance relationships and military relationships share a lot of things in common in that you feel distanced from your spouse. I know a lot of women get through it by being very in love with their husbands and proud of them for their work for their country. Unfortunately some women are just to needy for this kind of relationship.

You honestly sound way to nice about this, she does not seem really remorseful, so you cannot move forward with any healing of the marriage on that basis alone. Time to cut off the cash, she is not going to go out partying on your dime and potentially hook up with another guy. Sit her down and have a talk, either she agrees to be there with you and work on this or you are going to get a divorce. You need to demand respect for yourself. She needs to be remorseful and earn your trust again.

On a side note, be proud of working for your country.


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