# Odd but sincere request - Need help



## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Bear with me. I know this is a really odd request, But I could really use some help. Though it seems off topic, I'm making the request as an direct result of my ex-wife's infidelity.

Anyone good at writing letters? Professionally? 

I've been struggling with this everyday for almost a week. I've googled it, and read everything I could but Im at a loss and Im staring down the barrell at a deadline.

GIST:

As some you know, my wife had an longterm affair. Left me for one of our friends. Divorced as of December. Common but messy story...

Per the terms of the divorce... I got joint custody of my son and kept our home....

Im seeking assistance from bank to adjust the terms of the mortage. House is upside down a bit, and suddenly being a single dad I am over my head. I need an adjustment. I have submitted all the financials. They are requesting a formal letter (which I was advised needed to be heart felt and honest) about what has happened and why I need help...

Has anyone done this? Does anyone know how to format this to be professional and consise yet heartfelt?

I dont know why I feel embarrased asking this... but there is alot of very diverse talent here. 

I could really use a writer...

Thanks,
Pit


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

how soon do you need it?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

I think CantePe(?) is an author but that could still not be exactly what you want. Author and effective letter communicator aren't necessarily the same thing. No one knows the story like you and no one can express your needs like you can - from a ghost writer so to speak - it will lose the emotional appeal. IMO you're best bet is to write it yourself and then get a few people you trust to edit it for you - preferably business types. I know there are several here who would be glad to do so for you.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I actually have writing skills in both business and emotive pieces, so I probably could come up with something decent


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Pit,

Below is one I recently found and and modified for a friend. Part was downloaded, and part was original. I write as a secondary hobby/career (one novel, three short stories). Write technically at work.


Others may have better samples, or any can feel free to edit or improve this version if they want. I think you have some good resources here.

In my opinion, you should feel free to modify the portions in parenthesis, or others, in every day language as long as the overall structure is concise, yet positively expectant.

----




Your name
address
phone 

Loan number 

Company name
address 

To whom it may concern: 

I, (your name), do herein request assistance in the form of a loan modification with a back payment and late fee waiver. Due to circumstances beyond my control I am unable to remain current on my mortgage payments to (your mortgage company). I am asking for your assistance so that I may resume payments on my home and prevent foreclosure. 

Since (date problems began) I have sustained a significant reduction in income through the dissolution of my marriage, and the resulting increases in expenses in providing for my family as a new single father. These increases include additional childcare and transportation expenses of (amount) per month, on average (modify based on your scenario). (Explain your childrens status in one sentence - i.e. I am the sole provider, or I maintain a seperate household from my estranged wife, with partial custody of our children). In (date you became late on payments) I depleted all my resources and was unable to maintain my mortgage payment. I am requesting your assistance in saving my home from foreclosure. 

Through a reduction in my total monthly mortgage payments, I can recover from this incredibly challenging time, gaining the secure foundation I need for my family, and again become a dependable client. I'm optimistic that I can rebuild my life and my family security through your support.(Explain how long you feel your situation will last, and how and why you think it will improve in the future.) 

I am capable of (state when or how much you can make in payments or how much you are capable of paying in back payments if necessary). (State why you think it is in your and their best interest to work together on an agreement. Such as the family loss if the home goes into foreclosure). Again, I wish to work with you for the mutual benefit of keeping my home and making payments. 

Sincerely,
(Name)


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Almostrecovered said:


> I actually have writing skills in both business and emotive pieces, so I probably could come up with something decent


PM sent


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Halien said:


> Pit,
> 
> Below is one I recently found and and modified for a friend. Part was downloaded, and part was original. I write as a secondary hobby/career (one novel, three short stories). Write technically at work.
> 
> ...


this pretty close to what I wouldve come up with, maybe a touch less lawyery


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> this pretty close to what I wouldve come up with, maybe a touch less lawyery


I'm not experienced with these, but my wife and I work with a program for children who have lost one or more parents in death, and sadly, too many single parents also lose the home. In helping one of the parents, another person in the organization shuggested that we should make it sound personal, yet professional. Just realized that I had a copy on the the laptop with me.

Didn't want to volunteer you, AR, but my thought was that you could probably tweak it up quite nicely


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

well as I told Pit, I am literally out the door in a few minutes and will be busy til saturday night


so my basic advice is to take that form letter, take away the legal sounding crap like "herein". Add a bit more of a dire need, and sound grateful and humble. 


have a great weekend folks


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

I'm a Realtor and have helped tons of homeowners with this. What you are looking for is a hardship letter.
Don't make it longer than it needs to be, stick to the facts only. DO NOT TYPE IT, write it by hand (legible though). Your lender doesn't give a damn about your personal situation, you are only a number to them (that's why you stick with the facts). However, you want them to see you as a person with a hardship (that's where the handwriting comes in). Make sure you mention things you have done to try to keep up with the payments (canceled cable, got second job, had garage sale etc.)> Make sure you mention that you want do whatever you can to fulfill your obligations and how reducing your payment and/or terms would help you do just that.

Be prepared that your lender might not grant you a modification or do a forbearance. They don't have to because that's not what's in the contract you have signed. I know this sucks but please keep in mind that there is no shame in this either. You are doing the absolute right thing in trying to work with your lender.
Be prepared that they will ask for updated financials (more bank statements etc.), keeping that stuff handy reduces stress.
Someone will drive by your home and take photos of it. Don't get the gun out, they're just doing their job. Your lender will order a Broker Price Opinon to get an idea of what your home is worth. They might just do a drive-by but they might also order an interior: A Realtor will call you and ask you to let them see the interior. They will take photos of every room that is living square footage in addiditon to rear, side, front, address and street view. Ask the Realtor if they are from the area or from out of town. If you are going to dispute the value the Realtor comes up with, it helps to make your case if the Realtor is from out of town and if they have tried to solicit your listing or given you legal advice regarding your loan mod during inspection, make notes of it.
If you don't get your loan mod and might consider a short sale instead: GET A REALTOR THAT IS CERTIFIED FOR THESE TRANSACTION AND HAS A PROVEN TRACK RECORD. Anyone with a license can put "Short Sale Specialist" on their business card. Certification for this is not required but you want someone that has done tons of short sales, that has taken the time and money to earn the certification.

PS: I can't emphasize this enough: *WRITE IT BY HAND, SIGN AND DATE IT!*


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Thank you Halien and anyone who can help. sincerly. The letter you provided is a good template... I tried to write something but I could get to a point where I was comfortable with the balance of professional yet heartfelt and personal.

* I have maintained payments. Im not in default but I can't continue my budget is upside down and Ive tapped every resource I can to continue to keep it current.

* divorce agreement states I keep the house. She stays on the deed until I can get it refinaced into my name alone. I cant do that because my income & credit alone likely wont get me approved. 

* she bailed to pursue possible future with OM

* 50/50 joint custody of our 4 year old son 

as your letter mentions, Im a struggling single dad now. 

Thing is I cant tell you if it's temporary (will economy pick up, will I make more $$$ at work???) or permanent and I dont know how that reflects on them approving an adjustment

The void between my income and expenses (bare bones) is probably around 300-400? But obviously I would like to have them adjust it as much as possible. ON paper the house (bought 2.5 years ago) is underwater 20k ?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

FourtyPlus said:


> PS: I can't emphasize this enough: *WRITE IT BY HAND, SIGN AND DATE IT!*


Thank you, I will do that.

PS. short sale, forclosure, etc.. = not an option. No chance, no way. Not losing our home (son & I). Payments are current, I have never missed one to date. 

If there is so much assistance now available and goverment programs etc.. out there now (and election year?) if I dont qualify, who would?!? (Ps. FWIW I live in Florida and our housing market here is beyond brutal with foreclosures etc...)


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Thank you Halien and anyone who can help. sincerly. The letter you provided is a good template... I tried to write something but I could get to a point where I was comfortable with the balance of professional yet heartfelt and personal.
> 
> * I have maintained payments. Im not in default but I can't continue my budget is upside down and Ive tapped every resource I can to continue to keep it current.
> 
> ...


How much a month do you NEED AT LEAST in order to make it if the economy doesn't pick up?

20 K underwater is a lot on a 35k home and very little on a 250k home. What's the ratio between current market value and your payoff? Also, do you have a second mortgage? That would complicate things as the second will be taking the bigger hit and if it's with a different lender because that'st hey way your mortgage was sold or even originated, the second might balk at taking a bigger procentual loss than the first.

To figure out current market value (if your property appraiser has this info online), check historical assessed value from the time you bought the home, compare it to this year. When you bought the home, you bought at current market value. Tax assessor might have a different value for this home. However, comparing assessed value from back then to know will give you an idea of how much value your home has lost. Apply that to your purchase price from back then and the difference between that and your payoff is the "underwater" amount, ballparked.

Take the payoff amount minus the underwater and amortize it like you would a mortgage. There are easy online calculators that will give you approx. payments. Figure out how much of an adjustment either in terms or principal you will need to meet the payment amount that will allow you to live alright.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

FourtyPlus said:


> How much a month do you NEED AT LEAST in order to make it if the economy doesn't pick up?


300-400 more.



> 20 K underwater is a lot on a 35k home and very little on a 250k home. What's the ratio between current market value and your payoff? Also, do you have a second mortgage? That would complicate things as the second will be taking the bigger hit and if it's with a different lender because that'st hey way your mortgage was sold or even originated, the second might balk at taking a bigger procentual loss than the first.


house - bought 155k, owe 145k
approx market value based on sales of similiar in neighboorhood last 12-18 months = 125-130k range

Im making an educated guess that its 15-20k upside down based on property records for (smiliar sq. ft) sales in the neighborhood


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I should mention, I dont know if it matters but I don't want what I owe changed. Im not having buyers remorse or trying to get the price dropped. I agreed to price. The balance I will honor without a blink... I just need the payments dropped if that is possible...?

and thank you guys for talking with me about this, I appeciate the help. I am stressed pretty bad and feel like its hard to get my head around this...


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Thank you, I will do that.
> 
> PS. short sale, forclosure, etc.. = not an option. No chance, no way. Not losing our home (son & I). Payments are current, I have never missed one to date.
> 
> If there is so much assistance now available and goverment programs etc.. out there now (and election year?) if I dont qualify, who would?!? (Ps. FWIW I live in Florida and our housing market here is beyond brutal with foreclosures etc...)


I absolutely understand what you are saying and there are a ton of things you can do, especially since you haven't missed a payment yet, to keep your home. The reason why I brought it up is that knowledge is power. The more you know, they better you fare and even though you are current on your payments, you never know what you might have to face some time down the road. 

I'm in the same state and I know exactly what kind of market you are in. Florida is like the Wild West real estate wise. 
Despite all what's being reported in the media about all these great government programs, help with short sales etc., our markets are not recovering at all and this goes for central as well as for coastal or metropolitan areas. We have way too many foreclosures on the dockets, not counting future defaults still happening due to unemployment, to even think about recovery within the next 5 years. It's not going to happen. I work in rural as well as metro area and while values vary depending on the region, the default rate and what's on the dockets isn't getting better, it's getting worse.
I have yet to see any improvement in anything. The only thing that has changed is that investors are gobbling up the foreclosures, fix them up to rent out or re-sell for profit - you can imagine that those values are low and if you have a few of these within your neighborhood........it's not a good thing because your 20K underwater might be more like 40k underwater.
I'm sorry if this doesn't sound all positive but it's the truth, it's what I tell my clients and I'll tell you the same.


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

Unfortunately most banks aren't going to be able to much of anything until you do fall behind on payments.

Doesn't make sense, but that's how it is.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Thank you Halien and anyone who can help. sincerly. The letter you provided is a good template... I tried to write something but I could get to a point where I was comfortable with the balance of professional yet heartfelt and personal.
> 
> * I have maintained payments. Im not in default but I can't continue my budget is upside down and Ive tapped every resource I can to continue to keep it current.
> 
> ...


I'd really stick to FortyPlus's advice, since it will become like a business deal to them. When I put the basic one together for a guy who had lost his wife, who became a friend, I pulled the source from a mortgage company web site, and just modified it from there. Also spoke to a friend in legal who keeps up with market changes. About a year ago, you would've faced a very different banker, but there apparently has been a trickle down response base on the massive settlements recently in the mortgage industry, so you should expect to at least be able to engage someone. 

See what state agencies may be available, if any. Some states monitor these processes more closely than others. If you have anywhere that you can set up a claim to review the process, or review other aide options, do so. Some states are responding very quickly with resources, while others are just too far under to provide any help. 


As a business guy, I'd urge you to stick to what you know about the finances, and not second guess yourself with what if scenarios. Confidence in your ability to weather this can only help you.


I wish you well through this.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

CantBeJustMe said:


> Unfortunately most banks aren't going to be able to much of anything until you do fall behind on payments.
> 
> Doesn't make sense, but that's how it is.


I feared that and researched it a bit... actually thought maybe I would have a better shot of an adjustment if I stopped making the payments but I CAN NOT take the risk that I somehow lose my house... 

It's fuct that Im in a bad position to get an adjustment because i haven't missed a payment...

I mean I have submitted my bank statements, divorce decree, etc.. etc.. it's clear as a bell that the incoming and outgoing dont match if there was a such thing as hardship, I got one.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> 300-400 more.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Last 12-18 months is history. The bank is going to look at sales within the last 6 months and allow up to a total of 12 months if the outdated sales are within very close proximity, mostly likely under .75miles. They will then adjust those sales down for sale date to reflect more current market values. 
You said you bought 2.5 years ago, your estimated decline in value based on your neighborhood sales, is $20k within 1.5 years, I'd say you're 30k to 35k under (considering that the decline has not slowed or stopped), 40k if you have a lot of foreclosed homes in your neighbohrood. The foreclosed homes, if they fit sf range and age, will become your comparables.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

I spent almost three years fighting with Chase to keep my home. My loan mod became permanent in Jan of this year. I did not use a lawyer, and I wrote several different hardship letters, they are always required, but are almost never looked at by the people handling your modification.

You've been given some decent advice already, I'll attempt to add to it without rehashing whats been said. The following was true for me personally, it may not be true for you:

Unless you are 90 days+ ( or 3 payments) behind, no one will even return your phone calls. I found out in november(2008) that I would be laid off in feb (2009) I did not make my november payment. In december I made 4 phone calls, and sent two certified letters explaining that I was a responsible homeowner, but because my income was gone, I could no longer afford to pay the mortgage. I did not hear anything from them in December, or January.

The week after my January payment (90 days late) did not post, I got a letter from them saying they would foreclose if I did not pay. I filled for whatever program was available at that time (TARP or Making Homes Affordible, I forgot now) and did not make any more mortgage payments. 

Three months later Chase was "finished" reviewing my paperwork, and asked me to make some "trial modification payments" My mortgage was 3043.60 before the trial mod, and they wanted 400 per month for 4 months. 

I made my fourth trial payment, and began asking about the status of my mod, I got the run around for about two months, and was then asked to resubmit the paperwork.

(not very common knowledge, but if any signature is more than 90 days old, you will be forced to refile EVERYTHING, on the one had it sucks, but on the other, you get more mortgage free time in the house. My loan modification became permanent on my sixth or seventh set of applications, during that time I was on 3 separate trial modification payment plans)

Their willingness to work with you will be based on a few factors. Your income being the primary one. Your payment can not be more than 31% of your total monthly income, so not taking a reduction in your principal may not be an option for you. However, because the likelyhood of you not making a single payment for close to two years is fairly high, they will just discharge or at the very least, make all the payments you missed non interest bearing.

My original loan was a 80/15/5 stated/stated (even though I was making 80k a year and had paperwork to prove it, they wanted to shaft me into a sub prime loan) the house closed at 555,000. Chase had both the first and second notes. The first was for 440,000 the second was for 80,000. In order for chase to move forward with a foreclosure, they had to eat the second, because only the entity that holds the first note gets paid in foreclosure. 

At the end of the process, the 440,000 note became 527,000 with 170,000ish being non interest bearing (all the missed payments and penalties for almost 3 years of rent free living) the entire non interest bearing amount is subject to forgiveness, 20% per year for 5 years. There are also other incentives they throw your way to make you pay on time. 

Your credit score will get crushed, sorry, I went from 775 to 560. Dont be in a hurry to take your WW off the deed. She is responsible for half the debt, and I doubt you will have equity any time soon. If you really want to do it, have her sign a quit claim deed in front of a notary. 

Be prepared to submit tax returns, bank statements, pay stubs, profit and loss statements, and anything else they may ask for, every 90 days. Keep an eye on the mail you get, tons of it will be spam, but some of it will be crap like "acceleration notice" they can only move forward with foreclosure if you are not actively trying to fix things.

Take every other mortgage payment that you would otherwise be making and stash it in a fund to pay a good bankruptcy attorney. Banks can not foreclose if you are in bankruptcy, and a good lawyer can drag it out for 9 months or so. about a month before the bankruptcy is set to end (if you go that route) have your lawyer file a law suit against the bank. Banks can not foreclose while litigation is pending.

If you get offered a trial payment plan, take it. Make all payments on-time and with secured funds (cashiers check) sent to them via certified mail. Write down the names of everyone you talk to, with dates and time, and the details of the call.

Start looking for an apartment now, and if you find one that is about half of what your mortgage payment is supposed to be, move out, and rent out the house. (this is the only scenario where you would benefit from having your WW sign a quit claim deed, she would have no rights to any of the rent income) 

ALWAYS say you plan to keep your home, and that you are living there, when asked. Its a common question. 

You have a long road ahead, but it may break your way, and if it does not, you still have lots of options. You can drag this out and be rent free for a long time. Once you get a feel for how the bank is reacting toward you, you will be better equipped to make other decisions. For instance, if you think 70% its going to foreclosure and you will file for BK, start maxing your CCs, and start hoarding your cash. Unsecured credit (CCs and other crap) gets shafted in BK. If you plan on not paying for your car, always park it in the garage. Repo men cant take it if its in the garage, I made the mistake of leaving my truck in the driveway one night, and the bastards got it. Not before I had a chance to walk out my front door butt naked with a Benelli M3 leveled at them, I will remember (forever) the faces those huge burly men had when they saw me and the shotgun. I know one of them dropped a load in his pants, and they were both pale as ghosts. They were so scared they let me take almost 45 min getting all my stuff out of my truck before ASKING me for my keys.. lol.

Anyhow, I rambled on, if you have questions shoot me a PM. I'm a veteran of the scene  

-P


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## CantBeJustMe (Jan 27, 2012)

I don't know your particular circumstance. That being said.

How does $80K a year equal a $500k home? Of course it was subprime with a second, the broker saw you coming. Sorry but it's true.

And basically telling him to RENT the home then tell the bank you ALWAYS intend on keeping and living there? That's illegal. I'd be real hesitant on ADVISING people to break the law?

OP - Call the mortgage holder and be upfront and honest with them. Write down names / dates of who you talked to. If you're negative income vs expenses every month, is it really worth all the stress on you, and your son (if you think he doesn't pick up on it, you're wrong) ? 

Find an apartment or rental in the same school district. Heck, ask your son what he would think about changing schools? you might be shocked at the answer. 

I know you feel like you're holding on to something when everything else seems to be changing or slipping away, but in the end it's just brick / wood / siding and cement. Your home is wherever you and your son end up TOGETHER.

Just my 2 cents.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

CantBeJustMe said:


> I don't know your particular circumstance. That being said.
> How does $80K a year equal a $500k home? Of course it was subprime with a second, the broker saw you coming. Sorry but it's true.


80k on stubs (W2)

My P&Ls were +20ish (1099)

and my wife always brought in 25-35k /yr too, not sure where you live, but on the coasts, single income homes are a thing of the past. I was not educated enough (I was 25 when I bought the house) when sitting down at the table, and if I had to do it over again, I would have shelled out an extra 50-60k for the down payment instead of new floors and windows... but hind sight is 20/20 or so im told. I was born in Ukraine BTW, so my parents and I came from a non ownership society, to one that valued material wealth. The values my parents placed importance on all had to do with making it in America. So as you can imagine, owning a home was something I overvalued when I was younger. 




CantBeJustMe said:


> And basically telling him to RENT the home then tell the bank you ALWAYS intend on keeping and living there? That's illegal. I'd be real hesitant on ADVISING people to break the law?


Sorry, did not realize you were an occupancy attorney, you can rent a house out, and still have the full intent to keep it, I suggested the apartment because the OP has kids. As our politicians are so fond of pointing out, your primary residence is where your mail goes, there are no minimum amount of days you need to spend there to call it that.

As far as advising goes, I simply went through it myself, so felt like I was qualified to speak from a personal place. 

In general I agree with you, a house is just wood and bricks and such, but the memories you made there are not tangible items. Also, what kind of advice is "just walk and save yourself and your kid the stress?" I think he would have a far easier time keeping himself and his child happy if he had his mortgage payment in his pocket every month. 

If it does come down to losing the place, tanking the credit score, and starting from scratch, why _wouldn't_ he stay as long as possible? You think the bank would do the "moral" thing for him?


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Hey Pit---what you are talking about is H A M P---the government sponsored Home Affordable Modification Program---Your bank MUST look at it and evaluate it, if this is not what you are looking at, you need to google it and look at it----actually your forms, and paperwork, can be printed right from your computer. But the bank should provide you with someone to help you, when you call in.

Everything is based on you paying NO MORE than 31% of your available income toward your mtg.

Your hardship letter has to reflect this, and be KEYED/BASED to showing how you are not able to without the modification.

I have modified twice, the last modification took me down 2.1% interest---it was done with Wachovia, which became Wells Fargo.----I was given a liason, at Wachovia, who helped me, and Wells Fargo actually Faxed all my paperwork, free of charge right there from the bank.

In your hardship, you compare how things were then, to how they are now, bringing in changes in cost of FOOD, GAS, MEDICAL INSURANCE, CAR INSURANCE, TAXATION, UTILITIES, everything is thrown into the mix, and you show that, and this is the big point, that what you are paying in mtg. payments, is more than 31% of your available income, and spendable ability.

By government edict, the bank must look at your paperwork, and if they give you a hardtime, threaten them, with your congressman, this being an election year, they are very willing to help out their constituents.

Hang in there, if you persist, and stay hard headed, you will get your modification.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

jnj express said:


> Hey Pit---what you are talking about is H A M P---the government sponsored Home Affordable Modification Program---Your bank MUST look at it and evaluate it, if this is not what you are looking at, you need to google it and look at it----actually your forms, and paperwork, can be printed right from your computer. But the bank should provide you with someone to help you, when you call in.
> 
> Everything is based on you paying NO MORE than 31% of your available income toward your mtg.
> 
> ...


This type of backup, through representatives, or using contacts through states with mortgage watchdog agencies, can be well worth the effort. I once nearly faced backrupcy over a new type of surgery for my child's vision. Partly by constantly reminding my insurance providor that I had a claim pending with the state, listing the claim number, I eliminated $70,000 in the amount I owed. I'm convinced that they just realized that I would never let this drop without assistance. I was sooo nice to these people, but they were tired of hearing my name one hour a day.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Paladin said:


> 80k on stubs (W2)
> 
> My P&Ls were +20ish (1099)
> 
> ...


The difference between occupying the home and renting it out (while still owning it) makes a big difference to the bank. If he rents it out, that's additional income and he will become an investor owner instead of owner occupant in the lender's view - and make a difference between the two. 
As an owner occupant, he's asking the lender to cut him some slack and mod the loan (prinicpal and/or terms) so he can keep his roof over his head.
As an investor owner, he's adking the lender to cut him some lack and mod the loan (principal and/or terms) so he can keep making a profit from renting the home.
See the difference?


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Something I forgot:
If your lender does order an interior and someone ends up taking photos, take the $30,000 boat and park it someplace else. Take down the art collection, put your gold watch away and if you do any social media showcasing your last skiing vacation in Aspen, take the photos off!
I had a short sale denied because the bank felt the brand new boat in the driveway could be sold to pay off all missed payments. Might be that the seller really got this boat as a gift from his girlfriend and it was therefore not disclosed as an asset but he could have sold it nonetheless. They knew about the boat because it was parked in the driveway and showed up on the photos the Realtor took.
In another case, the bank wanted the sellers to contribute $2000 out of the own pocket at the time of closing the short sale. Sellers tell me they don't have that kind of money. The negotiator said he knows they do and when I asked why (their financials didn't suggest they have money to throw away), he pointed me to seller's facebook page and there was the seller's wife bragging about her $8,000 diamond ring she had gotten from hubby for Christmas - photos from all angles!


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

FourtyPlus said:


> The difference between occupying the home and renting it out (while still owning it) makes a big difference to the bank. If he rents it out, that's additional income and he will become an investor owner instead of owner occupant in the lender's view...


We can argue this all day long, if the rent he is charging is offset by what he is paying to the bank, then he is not making a "profit," all that aside, I was simply pointing out that an individual can certainly look at the situation from a particular angle if his/her morality was fundamentally challenged by the things they had to do in order to make life better for themselves and their loved one/s.

The best example to draw from would be all the threads where members of TAM say a BS has to do the "right/hard" thing because a the end of the day, that thing is what is actually the best thing to do for their own family and themselves. Well in this case the right/hard thing to do for himself and his family may involve doing everything in his power to stay in the home and save as much money as possible. If he ends up keeping it, he has a base of operations to operate out of while he builds his life back up, also will have something to give to his kid/s in the future. Having a house certainly does not hurt his chances in finding a good loving and faithful woman (not saying material items are the end all be all of relationships, but it would be naive to ignore the importance of it when looking for stability)

It may not be the most morally correct approach, but there is enough wiggle room there to not be wracked by guilt when going to sleep. Not to mention that as the case may be with many DS, the bank only cares about their own selfish needs, and as people here often say "I dont know a single person who thought that they should have been nicer to the DS during divorce," I dont know a single person that went through a loan mod and thought "Man I should have been more honest with the bank"


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

CantBeJustMe said:


> OP - Call the mortgage holder and be upfront and honest with them. Write down names / dates of who you talked to. If you're negative income vs expenses every month, is it really worth all the stress on you, and your son (if you think he doesn't pick up on it, you're wrong) ?
> 
> Find an apartment or rental in the same school district. Heck, ask your son what he would think about changing schools? you might be shocked at the answer.


I have been upfront and honest about everything. I have applied and submited my tax forms, paystubs and bank statements. I have documented everything. 

My bank who manages the loan has assigned a "home retention specialist" who is personally handling my case. That is my single point of contact, she has been helpful. 

I could not complete the letter on Friday and I am working on it again today.

Losing my home is NOT an option. NOT. I have fought and fought for what is now years to put myself in the position to get that house (in the divorce). I can't tell you the lengths I had to go to and the personal sacrifice it required for me to get this done. 

I do not have a family here, I don't have any type of support structure. My W betrayed me, what I thought was my family and my support structure crumbled under the weight of some "soul mate" fantasy she was sucked into. Her "master plan" was for me to just "go away"... Like many DS's she envisioned keeping the house, getting custody of my 3 year old and plugging 'mr. wonderful' into my spot... 

I didn't let that happen. 

and I 'm not going to let this happen.

Sorry for the rant... But, this is not sticks and walls to me.

I want to thank all of you for the help and support. Using the rough draft from the first page, I think I have the raw materials to put it all together... I just have to find a way to stop "shutting down"... It's a horrible defense mechanism/coping strategy that I have struggled against my whole life...

ps. lol, I hadn't realized how hard to is to hand write something... You become so reliant on CPU's that it's almost foriegn trying to actually hand write something. Plus, no spell check or delete button. lol.


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