# Same Routine



## RosesWillBloom (Jul 2, 2018)

My husband and I don't have the best sex life. He wants to do it every single day which normally I would be ok with, but its the same routine. Go down on him, suck him off until hes satisfied, climb on top and ride him for 3 minutes until he comes. There is no excitement, he never wants to try anything new, he hates doing anything for me that would please me, I just don't know what to do.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ummm talk to him. Communicate your unhappiness. Tell him that you want more variety and tell him what you like. How will he know unless you say something?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Have you asked for new / different things and been turned down? Did he give a reason?


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Getting in a rut can be boring. It's happened to us.....sometimes we just get into a routine.
One of you has to just do something different. Just a little courage is required. My wife did that a long time ago. She came out of the bedroom naked, with a toy in hand, and told me she was going to start without me.....and did! 
Woke me right up!


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Well he certainly sounds like a lousy lover.

Was sex always like this? If so, why did you accept this?

If not.... When did things change?

In my opinion sex is kinda like gift giving - sure, it's nice to receive gifts, but the real pleasure is in giving.... And glowing in the joy you created.

Your husband sounds like an unappreciated taker.... There is no fun in giving to someone like that. It's akin to a gift for a spoiled rotten child - they do not deserve nor appreciate it.

I have no real suggestions with out more info. He has always been lousy, then I wouldn't expect any change. If he was once a caring and compassionate lover - perhaps things can be fixed.


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## RosesWillBloom (Jul 2, 2018)

To answer everyone's questions, no he wasn't always lousy. When we first got together it was amazing, he was open to doing new things, he always asked me what I wanted out of sex and was willing to work with me. Honestly I don't know what changed. I talk to him about it now and ask him if we can do new things and he says yes but then when it comes time to it he doesn't do it.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

RosesWillBloom said:


> To answer everyone's questions, no he wasn't always lousy. When we first got together it was amazing, he was open to doing new things, he always asked me what I wanted out of sex and was willing to work with me. Honestly I don't know what changed. I talk to him about it now and ask him if we can do new things and he says yes but then *when it comes time to it he doesn't do it*.


Not that he should have to be instructed to do it but I get the impression you are waiting for him to do 'it' on his own. Next time you are having sex/making love, ask him to do something for you but make it sexy and nice. If he doesn't respond to that then I don't know what to say


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

RosesWillBloom said:


> My husband and I don't have the best sex life. He wants to do it every single day which normally I would be ok with, but its the same routine. Go down on him, suck him off until hes satisfied, climb on top and ride him for 3 minutes until he comes. There is no excitement, he never wants to try anything new, he hates doing anything for me that would please me, I just don't know what to do.


Looks like a one way street to me. In fact, you description here appears your H is only using you for his relief sexually. Stop the BJ and whatever else.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Does he say no when you ask for something when you are having sex, or does he just not do things on his own?



RosesWillBloom said:


> To answer everyone's questions, no he wasn't always lousy. When we first got together it was amazing, he was open to doing new things, he always asked me what I wanted out of sex and was willing to work with me. Honestly I don't know what changed. I talk to him about it now and ask him if we can do new things and he says yes but then when it comes time to it he doesn't do it.


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

What does he say when you ask him for something different?.....Maybe you should take the initiative and try to change things up.....I would think someone with a high sex drive would want to try/do different things...


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

All I can say is to STOP doing what you've been doing. It doesn't work. Don't go down on him, lay there until _he_ makes a move. He HAS to do something to get things going, or nothing will. Don't accept words, or promises - only deeds. Don't get on top, require him to do some work. You may both go without sex for a few days, until he does something to change things. And only accept things that improve it for you. It's not like he doesn't know what works - he's just gotten very lazy.

Once some change begins, do things to keep it changing - he'll go with the program, or do without. I can guess what he'll prefer. Heck, be assertive if necessary. Instead of climbing on, keep going and sit on his face. He'll either go along, or stop - in which case do nothing until next time.


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## genabee (Nov 26, 2016)

You need to communicate more. Don't be afraid to tell him what you want. You might be surprised, but that may be exactly what he wants to hear. My husband is the nicest guy in the world and if we didn't communicate he would find the thing that worked for me once and he'd repeat it every night for 20 years for fear of "letting me down" and I would be bored out of my mind in bed. 

Several years ago we made a pact to not freak out if one of us has a request in bed and it was the best thing we ever did. We've done/tried more "kinky" things than I would have ever imagined once we gave each other permission to ask to try something. Sometimes it was a horrible disaster, but now we laugh about it. 75% of our sex life now is in the same three sex positions, but it is better than it ever has been because both of us know that if we want to do something different it is only a matter of asking and we will give it a try.

Don't be too hard on your husband. He may not be selfish, he may just be trying to repeat a routine that he thought you would like. You might be amazed how turned on he may get if you ask for something different.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Op...you should ask the mods to merge your 2 threads. You have the same basic problem with both situations. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

That does not sound like sex, more like masturbation with you in the starring role of right hand. Sex takes place in the head first. We have the luxury of being alone in the house. We take our time, having a cocktail or two, maybe a joint. We talk, not of business, but romantically (we do the same thing for a living, and I HATE TALKING SHOP, when I am home, it is personal time). Then we head upstairs for lovemaking (although, if it is quite dark out, and we can be quiet, we have done it on an air mattress on our deck.) Lovemaking includes a lot of foreplay, I like going down on her for a very long time, she orgasms a lot, and they increase in intensity, I get off giving her as much as she can handle (she says sometimes that she thinks she is going to have a stroke from coming). A selfish lover is not concerned at all with their partner's pleasure, and it would cause a significant amount of resentment.

Does he know that this is not how it is done? You should be communicating your needs. If he then chooses to ignore them, you will then have to consider that you are sexually incompatible.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

What exactly do you want? Why are you putting all the emphasis on him doing it. I am a big believer in taking charge of your own sex life. If I were you and we were in bed and he wanted to have sex I would tell him why don’t you warm me up first, and take his head and push him down there. Or say warm me up first and sit in his face. 
If you want a better sex life why do you keep doing the same old things? Why are you waiting for him to change.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Exciting compared to my sex with my husband!


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RosesWillBloom said:


> My husband and I don't have the best sex life. He wants to do it every single day which normally I would be ok with, but its the same routine. Go down on him, suck him off until hes satisfied, climb on top and ride him for 3 minutes until he comes. There is no excitement, he never wants to try anything new, he hates doing anything for me that would please me, I just don't know what to do.


 So Mr. Selfish just wants you to service *him* every day, while he contributes exactly ZERO during sex, is that it?

Why on earth are you degrading yourself for this pig every day?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Definitely start off the next session by continuing the climb sitting on his face. *I'm just recapping above advice from KCRNA above. That indeed imho was is super advice.

I'd add (just my preference, insert your preference here) have everything trimmed/shaved/ or not, to YOUR liking.

H needs to knows your a sexual individual as well as a sexual partner. Bring a vibrator to bed....


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