# Need a lady's advice



## Alilttlelost326 (Aug 22, 2018)

So my wife and I have been together for a total of 14 years 7 years married with 2 kids and like everybody Both have occasionals thoughts about other people. But for the 1st time my wife wants to act on them. She never had the wild streak like I had. I'm the only guy she had been with. You've always had a strong relationship. She came to me and said this may be something she wants to try with that person, have any women been In her shoes and how did it work out for you.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Never was in your wife's shoes. However, my husband would show me the door if ever, I hinted at this.

As a wife, making this suggestion to my H says the following:

*** I have lost respect for you, therefore you are no longer worth my attention.

*** I no longer find you attractive but because you are a good father and a good husband, I will keep you around to care for the kids, while I have some fun.

*** You no longer satisfied my sexual needs and or emotional needs, I will find it somewhere else, while you hold the fort.

You might want to think on what makes your wife wish to indulge in this type of relationship and would you be allowed to date other women? Or do you just sit around and mind the kids while she ****s other men?????


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I second @brooklynAnn. I was never in those shoes either, but when my now STBXH cut off sex shortly after we got married, I waited for things to pick up/improve for awhile, and when they didn't, I asked him how he'd feel about an open marriage. I wasn't wanting an open marriage; I wanted a husband who wanted to be with me, but that wasn't the case. Needless to say, he shot that idea down.

What I would do if I were you is to sit your wife down and have a heart-to-heart. There are definitely some underlying issues at work here, and you will need to get to the bottom of them. This could be the start to the end of your marriage if you don't nip this in the bud.


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## Alilttlelost326 (Aug 22, 2018)

She gave me to ok to do this with another woman also I just know that I want it.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

So, you are "open" to having an open marriage. Think about those thoughts I have shared with you. 

Just because something seems to be exciting and exhilarating does not mean it is good for you. But you are a grown man and should know what's in your best interest. Having said that, know that your wife will have more dates than you and you will be at home minding the house and kids, while she is out having fun. I don't know how long you would be able to deal with this before it erodes your self worth and dignity.

I wish you well.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I think that you might as well give her the divorce papers now....this is what is going to happen...

1. i only want to do this now and then our relationship will always come first and no sleep overs no going away, and its just sex and i still respect you as my husband
2. then she meet Him and then its a couple times a week, the rules of no sleeping over it out the door 
3. then he does things with Him she does not do with you, or share things with Him she does not share with you
4. then she pushes you to be friend with Him so he can be invited over the house
5. Hey Honey can me and Him go away for the weekend....please

like i said give her the divorce papers now and save yourself aggression and self-esteem issues.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Alilttlelost326 said:


> She gave me to ok to do this with another woman also I just know that I want it.


Hate to say, your wife probably wants another relationship because she;

A: is already in one and this is how she is breaking you in gently for it;
B: has her sights set on the person already (emotional affair has begun);

You have a couple of options if you don't want her to do this which I hope is not even a consideration.

- Have the heart to heart with her as what has been already said above and let her know you don't want to be part of this. You are willing to work on things and try to re-ignite the spark between the two of you

- or let her know you will get the paperwork drawn up later that week for an amicable divorce, so you can find someone that believes in the sanctity of marriage and wants to be a whole family and she can pursue being the 20 year old bachelorette she aspires to be.

Not as many as there used to be but there's still many people out there that have had only one partner with no desire to act on being with another. Usually when this happens, it's not because something is missing from your sex life, something is missing inside of them (a deep rooted issue)


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## Alilttlelost326 (Aug 22, 2018)

I ment to put I'm not open to it spell check


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Alilttlelost326 said:


> I ment to put I'm not open to it spell check


Good for you! As other have stated, your W has someone in mind already. Time to perhaps snoop because these ideas just don't appear out of the blue.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

It’s hard to relate to. I know there are men and women who aren’t the jealous type and don’t mind having open relationships or seeing other people but I am 100% not like this at all so I can’t relate.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Good book:

https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-C...TF8&qid=1534968797&sr=8-1&keywords=opening+up

IF you both are entirely honest, open AND trusting and trustworthy, it CAN work. BUT what are YOUR feelings on the subject? (Not asking you to answer them here.) If you sacrifice your feelings, your views on marriage and the like in order to avoid divorce, you have already lost.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

NobodySpecial said:


> Good book:
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Opening-Up-C...TF8&qid=1534968797&sr=8-1&keywords=opening+up
> 
> IF you both are entirely honest, open AND trusting and trustworthy, it CAN work. BUT what are YOUR feelings on the subject? (Not asking you to answer them here.) If you sacrifice your feelings, your views on marriage and the like in order to avoid divorce, you have already lost.


He is not open to it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> He is not open to it.


Ooops. I read the not open to it wrong... well right, which he later corrected. 

OP you have an issue in that she went into the looking phase without going all the way through the discussion phase. Not Good.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Even if you don't show her the door over this your marriage is damaged, and you will never trust her again. You can't unhear what she said, and you can't unread the sage advice and foreshadowing you have been given here.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Alilttlelost326 said:


> So my wife and I have been together for a total of 14 years 7 years married with 2 kids and like everybody Both have occasionals thoughts about other people. But for the 1st time my wife wants to act on them. She never had the wild streak like I had. I'm the only guy she had been with. You've always had a strong relationship. She came to me and said this may be something she wants to try with that person, have any women been In her shoes and how did it work out for you.


No I have never wanted to commit adultery. If she does it will be a total disaster. Did she make promises to be faithful when you married? Then she needs to stop thinking this way and concentrate on you and her family. 
Has she got anyone in particular that she wants to have this affair with? Could it be that she has another man in mind?
Why are you even asking this is so wrong.

My answer would be to her, 'you have sex with who you like, but the divorce papers will be served the next day'. Let her know that this is a total no no,but like others here I suspect she has a man already.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

She is going to do it with or without your consent. If you aren't cool with it, show her the door.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I do not beat the cheating drum in every thread, but my gut says the reason she brought this up is because she already has a man in mind.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She's going to dump you. Why wait around for that?


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