# EA vs PA?



## NJEH (Jan 11, 2011)

Is there a difference in behavior with the cheating spouse? 
H has admitted to EA, but I'm not sure what to believe. It might just be my trust issues...


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

Behavior is the same, except that EA more phone/text/online and with PA more being out of the house. Symptoms are the same as far as I know.


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## NJEH (Jan 11, 2011)

LonelyNLost, thank you. Whenever I try to read up on it, it only talks about signs of PA...and H did fit some of them. I love your quote. Maybe I need to trust a little more than I have...but not completely yet!


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

NJEH said:


> LonelyNLost, thank you. Whenever I try to read up on it, it only talks about signs of PA...and H did fit some of them. I love your quote. Maybe I need to trust a little more than I have...but not completely yet!


I love the quote too, just wish I could follow it a bit more than I do!  My H had an EA 4 years ago, and my mom had had a PA in the past, and my mom knew immediately based on his behavior. He was also hanging out with the girl, just hadn't done the deed yet. There's a book a lot of people on here recommend called Not Just Friends, and it's basically about EA's. But the whole I love you but I'm not in love with you spiel, is a big one. As well as saying they don't know if the relationship can be fixed, they are unhappy, etc. My H is again showing these symptoms, but I'm hoping it's just the depression, though my guard is up.  So hard. Good luck! Read up in this section, many examples of EA's tearing marriages apart. I would venture to say it's just as harmful.


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## NJEH (Jan 11, 2011)

I agree, very damaging. I'm sorry you have to go through this too. My H is trying very hard, but some days I'm just over all the feelings of distrust and think I should just move on...but then I think of our 3 young children. I don't think H totally gets why the EA hurts as much as it does. 
I do worry too, because there are rumours that H's dad has had many PA's and H and I know his mom had an EA years ago. (H and I have dated since highschool and she use to use the kids phone line to talk to her "friend") What kind of role models did he have?? I don't want my kids growing up and thinking it is okay to have an A! Its all a lot to think about. Thanks for your responses.


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## Gfxbss (Dec 24, 2010)

My ordeal is an EA for a month or so and a PA for one night....

For me, the EA hurts far more than the PA. 

Maybe this is because she has told me details about the PA, and they would be rather embarrassing for the OM. I'm probably being naive to buy into what she is saying about that encounter, but it makes me feel better and there is NC between them, so hey....

The EA kills me because to me, it's just sex. Don't get me wrong, it is still an extremely intimate time where we feel as close as we can, but anyone can throw it in anyone that they choose.... it's just sex.

An EA on the other hand takes time. It takes understanding. It is your significant other getting inappropriately close(mentally) to another human being.

For me, that is the killer.

Gfx


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I agree with Gfxbss. Unless it is a "met in a bar, went somewhere and screwed like drunk monkeys, never to call again" one night stand, there's an EA before the PA. Flirting, talking, kissing, _planning_ are EA components leading to a PA.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Both are extremely bad but for me I think an EA is worse. Because there are emotions/feelings involved.


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## ligiahag7902 (Mar 21, 2011)

Gfxbss said:


> My ordeal is an EA for a month or so and a PA for one night....
> 
> For me, the EA hurts far more than the PA.
> 
> ...


Thanks you for the post.
__________________
Watch Mars Needs Moms Online For Free


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I kinda think its like trying to figure out which hurts more... getting shot by a loved one or getting stabbed by a loved one?


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

EA's hurt tremendously bad. My wife has been having one for 9 months. I found proof that it was more than "just friends" about a month and a half ago. The emotional connection is very strong. The cheating spouse justifies it because there has been no physical activity. However, from what I've read on here, most EA's eventually lead to a PA. I witnessed a lot of very inappropriate chat. Now, she wants to drive to meet him. It will become a PA within the week. The emotional bond is already very strong. The natural progression seems to lead to a PA. The EA has been extremely painful, so I don't know I can possibly handle the PA end. I suppose I'll be talking to a divorce attorney very soon.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

HurtinginTN said:


> The cheating spouse justifies it because there has been no physical activity.


On the nail Hurting, on the nail. Not only will they justify it but they may be in complete denial that they have done anything wrong and not understand why you oppose their "friendship". Your efforts to end it will then be contorted into "controlling behavior". EAs can be very difficult to overcome but it can be done.


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## Forsaken (Feb 14, 2011)

I don't remember where it was posted or who said this but I remember seeing it and thinking that it made a lot of sense and forgive me because I am paraphrasing at best but it was something along the lines of; in an PA the DS is giving away their penis/vagina and in a EA they are giving away their heart...


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I have told my wife that. I don't know if I posted it here. I said, "You have not given that man your vagina. But you have given him your heart, which is infinitely more important than your vagina."


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