# Yikes



## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Married But In Love With Another Man : I Am Married and Have Fallen In Love With Someone Else Story & Experience

It's same story every single time.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

> I thought I was the only one also. My husband and I have betn married for 14 years. He is loving and cares deeply for me and out children. He is very supportive and is the perfect. But I'm in love with someone else who is in a relationship. It started last year in October. I had seen in the halls at work and we always said hi to each other. One day he instant messaged me at work and it the flirtation started. He told that me that he used to see me on campus before and he used to be so into but I never knew who he was. Ironically we haven't had sex but have kissed numerous times, had lunch and tell each we love one another. I don't know the extent of how he feels about me. I feel like I want to take care of him. We always say if we make love it could turn dangerous. We're afraid to cross that line. I have had an affair before but never loved the guy just wanted something differnt. But this guy, there is something about him. I think about him all the time. We have always said there is two components to our relationship, a deep friendship and lovers. He asked me one day how I would classify him, I said boyfriend. He said no I'm your man. Just you and me. He has women friends and I have mtn friends. We always say "don't cross me" meaning don't cheat on me. I want to break it off but I don't want to lose our friendship. I don't know what to do.



Sick.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

> it's seems there are too many people on here that are fearful of following their heart. falling deeply in love with someone is one of the most cherished experiences in life. eventually the feeling of need for the person you are in love with is so great that your existing marriage becomes an empty, loveless existence, where even touching your husband becomes unbearable. people fear family reprisals and negative perspectives from others but who are you living your life for ? is it about you or them? when you have realized that your happiness is just as important as your husband or children and you have no doubts about the person you are in love with then it is time to leave and be with your perfect partner and lover. *if it's done right then nobody gets hurt*. follow your heart and fulfil your life!


:scratchhead:


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## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

Seems like all these wives have met their soul mates and perfect partners and lovers. It's not nice to say, but I just wish I could see them after they've had their exit affairs, dumped their X's and are dealing with the day-to-day reality of their "perfect partners and lovers". You give 90% 2 years at most before it all blows up.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

> when he touches me I feel discuss



Hmmm, maybe if she did discuss it with her Husband instead of whoring around, she could save her marriage... 


Sorry, just thought it was a funny typo. (looking for humour wherever i can find it today)


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

"I have 1 foot out the door he starts to show he cares for me and does the things he should have done 1yr ago but for me its too late"

If only HE had done what she wanted....That poor wanton creature.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

A few comments condemning her behavior, but most of them supportive, me too comments.

It would save a lot of bandwidth if these people just wrote "I'm a wh0re" and be done with it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

DayOne said:


> Hmmm, maybe if she did discuss it with her Husband instead of whoring around, she could save her marriage...
> 
> 
> Sorry, just thought it was a funny typo. (looking for humour wherever i can find it today)


And that's all it is.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> A few comments condemning her behavior, but most of them supportive, me too comments.
> 
> It would save a lot of bandwidth if these people just wrote "I'm a wh0re" and be done with it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


LOL!!!:rofl::rofl: or a Bafoon....Who went to college and can't spell or put a sentence together outside of her private parts...A "Dissociative Identity Disordered Wh**re": She's suffering from "Mac10 Folie Deux": Hey, DSMV, we got two new Diagnoses here to add to the 6th Edition!!!! Hello?


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

ANYONE who pursues a married person is scum...and any married person who thinks this scum will NOT do the same thing to them is an IDIOT...complete and total IDIOT...the spouse of the idiot is better off without them...


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

missthelove2013 said:


> ANYONE who pursues a married person is scum...and any married person who thinks this scum will NOT do the same thing to them is an IDIOT...complete and total IDIOT...the spouse of the idiot is better off without them...


Dang! A 21 Gun salute for that one!


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Forest said:


> "I have 1 foot out the door he starts to show he cares for me and does the things he should have done 1yr ago but for me its too late"
> 
> If only HE had done what she wanted....That poor wanton creature.


And, since love changes from when it starts, she will feel the same about this guy at some point(read psychcentral articles about love changing and it's relationship to the brain in men and women...it's different, but both change) and will have to do the work she is not doing in her marriage, to keep this new relationship, ooorrr, find a new man...again.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

That was unpleasant. Like wading through sugared poop water.


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## Nostromo (Feb 8, 2014)

A few thoughts after reading many of the comments from the link you provided.

The overwhelming majority of these people (most are self identifying as wives) claim that their husbands' work hard for their family and are so kind and wonderful to them and are amazing fathers to their children. How many of them do you imagine will change that particular part of their stories once they've actually been exposed?

Almost every one of the comments I read could be accurately described as 'premeditated'. Most people (after being caught) describe their affair as something they 'fell into' or it 'just happened' as if they were in the 'fog' so many here subscribe to, and yet nearly all of these people in the midst of their affairs or on the brink of them acknowledge the fact that they're crossing or are about to cross that irreversible line and that they know that what they're doing is wrong and will devastate their family. They don't seem all that oblivious to me.:scratchhead:

This may sound silly to some of you, but I personally find it a little eerie the way they're almost like a 'community', the way they respond to each other's stories is so similar to the way any of us would respond when we come across somebody who shares the same hobby or likes the same kind of music as we do, with a "me too" kind of excitement and glee. Except they're talking about betraying their loved ones and breaking their vows.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Nostromo said:


> A few thoughts after reading many of the comments from the link you provided.
> 
> The overwhelming majority of these people (most are self identifying as wives) claim that their husbands' work hard for their family and are so kind and wonderful to them and are amazing fathers to their children. How many of them do you imagine will change that particular part of their stories once they've actually been exposed?



Oops ETA: Many, if not most will change that opinion, of course.





Nostromo said:


> Almost every one of the comments I read could be accurately described as 'premeditated'. Most people (after being caught) describe their affair as something they 'fell into' or it 'just happened' as if they were in the 'fog' so many here subscribe to, and yet nearly all of these people in the midst of their affairs or on the brink of them acknowledge the fact that they're crossing or are about to cross that irreversible line and that they know that what they're doing is wrong and will devastate their family. They don't seem all that oblivious to me.:scratchhead:


I think the term, "fog", is mostly misunderstood as justification. It certainly can be used that way. When I speak of it, I justify nothing, intentionally. I use it to explain why, soon after the first sexual coupling in an affair, it's so difficult to get the WS to turn away from the AP. In part, it's a bonding issue that is natural for humans to experience. It happened with the married couple before marriage and I blame this, "fog", for some folks making a poor choice of partner. 

Now, I don't blame all of it on this, "fog". It is hormonal and will influence rational thinking. It will not make the decision for us. 

Let's face it, in many instances, the WS believes that the marriage is over. Their view of the marriage is based upon what all is wrong about it, the arguments, the differences of opinion, the lack of...whatever. 

In the end, infidelity is....a decision, a choice...based upon perception, reality, hormonal changes that are naturally occurring and some that are naturally occurring due to sex. 

I do not, for a minute, subscribe to the belief that this, "fog", is what makes a person decide to be unfaithful. That decision/choice was made before the sexual act(s). 




Nostromo said:


> This may sound silly to some of you, but I personally find it a little eerie the way they're almost like a 'community', the way they respond to each other's stories is so similar to the way any of us would respond when we come across somebody who shares the same hobby or likes the same kind of music as we do, with a "me too" kind of excitement and glee. Except they're talking about betraying their loved ones and breaking their vows.


"Birds of a feather, flock together", an old saying from my mother's side.


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Nostromo said:


> This may sound silly to some of you, but I personally find it a little eerie the way they're almost like a 'community', the way they respond to each other's stories is so similar to the way any of us would respond when we come across somebody who shares the same hobby or likes the same kind of music as we do, with a "me too" kind of excitement and glee. Except they're talking about betraying their loved ones and breaking their vows.


Years ago I knew an old timer who used to say: if you hang around shi* long enough you will start to smell like it.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

You know if there was the perfect person for everyone, there would be no forum like this. 

It's a off the rack world and when it comes to having an affair, both parties put their very best out there to impress each other and then decide, he/she is the one, they make their exit out of the marriage to be with that "perfect person" and little by little all the flaws, faults, warts and scars start to to rear their ugly head and then you realize that Mister/ Miss Perfect is a far cry from what they projected themselves to be.

It's then when the light goes on in their head that they understand that the husband/wife they threw out with the garbage knew all to well about all of their flaws and imperfections and ...........................loved them for who they were and accepted the negatives as part of who they were and still loved them with all they had.


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

I never cease to be amazed at the sense of entitlement of these people as they lambast their spouses for "losing feeling" and NEVER look at themselves and their behaviour. Like what they can do to improve the situation. It is always on their spouse! I am reminded of the Scott Peck book People of the Lie which discusses evil in ordinary people - where he states "the first step towards evil done to people is to scapegoat another people which justifies future evil." sounds like what is going on in people on that site and people who justify affairs.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

bigtone128 said:


> I never cease to be amazed at the sense of entitlement of these people as they lambast their spouses for "losing feeling" and NEVER look at themselves and their behaviour. Like what they can do to improve the situation. It is always on their spouse! I am reminded of the Scott Peck book People of the Lie which discusses evil in ordinary people - where he states "the first step towards evil done to people is to scapegoat another people which justifies future evil." sounds like what is going on in people on that site and people who justify affairs.


I'd like to change that last part to anyone who justifies anything. 

That would include all of us. Some things are just less readily acceptable than others for each of us, so we don't think we justify when those things don't offend us.


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

2ntnuf said:


> I'd like to change that last part to anyone who justifies anything.
> 
> That would include all of us. Some things are just less readily acceptable than others for each of us, so we don't think we justify when those things don't offend us.


? Hard to comprehend the double negative...


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

staystrong said:


> Married But In Love With Another Man : I Am Married and Have Fallen In Love With Someone Else Story & Experience
> 
> It's same story every single time.


fortunately there are some guys blasting these cheats on this website, though I find the website to have an immoral lean.

It scares moral and good people to the core what these women (for the most part) write here. 

A lot of dogs chasing a lot of weak women. These women will fail and hopefully their ex or husbands dump them in a heartbeat. I like the story of the guy who sicked his attorney on her. 

I emphasize 'women' in relation to the posted thread only and not as a general principle.

Disgusting human beings screwing around


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Calibre1212 said:


> ? Hard to comprehend the double negative...


I thought the same when I read it again.



bigtone128 said:


> I never cease to be amazed at the sense of entitlement of these people as they lambast their spouses for "losing feeling" and NEVER look at themselves and their behaviour. Like what they can do to improve the situation. It is always on their spouse! I am reminded of the Scott Peck book People of the Lie which discusses evil in ordinary people - where he states "the first step towards evil done to people is to scapegoat another people which justifies future evil." sounds like what is going on in people on that site and people who justify affairs.





2ntnuf said:


> I'd like to change that last part to anyone who justifies anything.
> 
> That would include all of us. Some things are just less readily acceptable than others for each of us, so we don't think we justify when those things don't offend us.


I think we all justify something. I don't think we realize it because, for me, what I justify is of little consequence. I have things that bother me more than others. 

I have over the years, tried to really listen to what was being said by those who say they don't justify. 

_bigtone, I am not saying you are justifying anything with what you posted. I am sorry if it came across that way. It is not what I meant. I'm sorry if anyone took it that way, especially you. _

I just wanted to explain that we all do it to some extent. We just don't recognize it when we do. Many times, it's much less than life-changing situations that we justify.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

missthelove2013 said:


> ANYONE who pursues a married person is scum...and any married person who thinks this scum will NOT do the same thing to them is an IDIOT...complete and total IDIOT...the spouse of the idiot is better off without them...


agreed 1000%


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## bigtone128 (May 1, 2012)

No NOT this site....the site which was mentioned in the thread. They are saying if my husband did this or that then....


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

missthelove2013 said:


> ANYONE who pursues a married person is scum...and any married person who thinks this scum will NOT do the same thing to them is an IDIOT...complete and total IDIOT...the spouse of the idiot is better off without them...


This is what I always thought.

Being hit on by a married man has never been flattering, only embarrassing for the man and pathetic. I'll never understand.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

I read through the comments and the OP.

I couldn't help but think of the utter selfishness of the vast majority of these WORTHLESS, traitorous cheaters, most of them women.

I had to laugh at how they talked about all the good things about their spouses being hard working, good parents, etc...but then went on to whine about relatively small issues, mainly arising from some complacency and lack of communication, as a justification for their A's....lol....that and a lot of bulls*it about 'soulmates'.

I had to laugh because these statements show the totally myopic stupidity of cheaters IMO.

Do these ignorant fools really think that their loyal, BSs would describe them as some idealized image of perfection?

Most of them would probably be utterly shocked to find that their BSs probably had a long list of things about THEM that annoyed and irritated the BS to no end...and yet, somehow THEY can remain faithful.

These cheaters are too busy living in Fantasyland to realize that the reason they cheat and their partner doesn't IN THE SAME M is because they are broken and worthless people, incapable of loyalty and integrity.

And the WSs who were cheating on a spouse who was struggling with illness and health issues...one woman even said she resented her BH for needing her assistance during his health struggles...these people REALLY disgust me.

Overall, a pretty revolting collection of useless skanks and scumbags.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

hahaha!  That was great! Thanks for that. I needed it.


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

I left my reply. I am sure I will be asked to leave shortly.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

This was a retort to us 'haters'.



> My god. You people are cruel. The last time i checked you were not so perfect either, yet how easily you can judge someone for their feelings. Heart feels what it feels. We get to live only once. If you think you can handle the consequences, id say go for it. Your husband might indeed be the BEST person in this world, does not mean he is best for you. Just be sure your feelings for the other guy is actually love, but not lust.


And there you have it.. the internet version of the toxic friend.


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## OptimisticPessimist (Jul 26, 2010)

I think human beings are innately serial-monogamists; I think it is inevitable that the majority of human beings will not be able to be happy with one person for a lifetime.

It takes a lot of effort and it takes personalities that mesh well in ways that we as a species have not been able to completely explain with science, art, poetry, etc. 

It truly is a gift to be in such a marriage. 

Its just IMO, but I think it serves an evolutionary purpose to be serial-monogamists- *or at least it did.* Children are most vulnerable until age 5-7, at which point they can at least reasonably follow the instructions of a mother concerned with their well-being. How convenient is it then that 5-7 years is _often_ when relationships fail?

When the relationship fails, life has done its job- the partners reproduced, and now they seek new partners to further diversify their genetic portfolio. Diversification helps protect against 1 genetic flaw destroying a genetic future.

The women in that link seem to be desiring that diversification. Of course, we have evolved beyond the cave, and as such we see that 1 relationship to rule them all is more important- the mental capital of a good relationship is more important in our society to a child than the genetic capital of moving from lover to lover (especially since our medical science can combat many genetic flaws). 

Like many of you, I think the really scary part about that link is how casual and premeditated they are; they are following animal instincts and doing so regardless of how much damage they cause their lovers. Its a shame human beings still treat each other so poorly...


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