# Is Captain Mainwaring still alive aka Domestic Violence on Men by Women



## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Do we take Domestic Violence against Men seriously or is it still in the Dads Army Days of Captain Mainwaring , that when hit by his wife he makes a pretence that he walked into the Airing Room Cupboard ?. Could I have your comments please.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

I believe its taken seriously.....however,

I don't think I would have it in me to make 
Out a police report that in essence states
"I got beat up by a girl"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Probably something like a quarter of all rape victims are men. So....no. There's no difference now than a half century before. If anything it's getting worse as men become more and more feminized and harmless.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Domestic violence against men should be taken as seriously as domestic violence against women. Violence is violence.

I used to volunteer at a safe 'house' for victims of domestic violence. I was actually a motel converted into small apartments where a person could stay with their children.

There were a few men who were there with their children.

In my circle of friends and family I have known some men who were victims of DV.

One of them had a wife to pulled a butcher knife on him while he was carrying their 1 year old daughter.

One had a wife who pulled guns and knives on him and the kids all the time.

One had a wife who attacked him by jumping on his back, wrapped her arms around his head and tried to gouge out his eyes. 

Another.. his wife hit him in the head with one of those old land-line phones and killed him accidently. She went to prison for murder. This is the only one of the above where the cops were called.

One of the differences between DV on a man as compared to on a woman is that quite often a woman is much smaller and weaker than her SO/husband. So there is not injury. 

I know that I could hit either of my ex's as hard as I could. It would hurt me and my hand more than it hurt them.. well it did not hurt them at all. No I did not abuse them. They thought it was funny to see how hard I could hit them.. they laughed... thought it was funny.

Often times when a woman hurts a man in DV, she uses a weapon of some kind. Not always of course but very often.

The good thing is that places that handle DV are taking DV on men much more seriously these days. I took the guys I mention above (expect for the one who was killed) to an organization that helps victims of DV and they got the same kind of help as a female victim of DV would.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Probably something like a quarter of all rape victims are men. So....no. There's no difference now than a half century before. If anything it's getting worse as men become more and more feminized and harmless.


Most of the male rape victims are raped by men.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

If you want to look at how serious the situation is being treated....Try looking up battered husbands resources.

The crickets singing will pretty much tell you how serious they take it for men.


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

Hey jacko 

My heart is with you. Been through that. Maybe u should look just leave n be happy. Not easy. But....... misery to stay....


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I remember reading a story out of London a few years ago.
(not domestic violence but woman on man).

An American journalist was in London doing some reporting. Late at night 2 o'clock a.m. he saw a 'damsel in distress' crying in the empty street, so he gave her a ride. When in the car, she proceeded to start punching him in the face and trying to strong arm his wallet. He didn't fight back because he knew what would happen. She kept telling him to give her his wallet or she'd start screaming 'rape' and go to the cops. Finally, after a lot of struggling, he gave her hid wallet and she left. 

He was very reluctant to go to the police station and waited a day or so to do so, but finally did. He figured the sops wouldn't believe him. He was shocked at the reaction of the desk officer when he told his story. the desk officer said "yah, we've been getting a rash of that lately; several reports a day. Seems the crackdown on prostitution in soho has got the girls looking for another way to make $$)."

another story, locally, was of a certain major league pitcher.
He was 6'-5" and could have laid his wife out with one half hearted punch. but she caught (or thought she did?) him cheating and punched him out so bad, he looked in the papers like he had been worked over by a guy twice his size. His face was swollen and battered almost beyond recognition. He never laid a hand on her.

which highlights the special circumstances men face when confronted with violence by women. they can't fight back.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Naw, neither this issue or similar “WASP male issues” like reverse discrimination, can really pass the muster of the canons of Political Correctness and the alleged voices of the populist find it much easier (intellectually) and more lucrative (financially) to make these matters divisive: white v. black, man v. woman, rich v. poor rather than to address the issues from the larger and far more important perspectives of their impact on families, the society, and the future.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Most of the male rape victims are raped by men.


That's not relevant. A victim is a victim. It doesn't matter to society that a man is a victim of rape or a victim of his wife smashing his face with an ashtray. The response, and response of the criminal justice system is the same.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

I take it just as seriously as violence against women.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

SpinDaddy said:


> Naw, neither this issue or similar “WASP male issues” like reverse discrimination, can really pass the muster of the canons of Political Correctness and the alleged voices of the populist find it much easier (intellectually) and more lucrative (financially) to make these matters divisive: white v. black, man v. woman, rich v. poor rather than to address the issues from the larger and far more important perspectives of their impact on families, the society, and the future.


Case in point from the recent loss by Kentucky to Wisconsin in the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament:

Black Kentucky player apologizes for N-word - CNN.com

Had the transgressor been the White kid, I think we all appreciate that there’d have been calls at the highest level demanding his scholarship be revoked and banned from the sport.

I honestly feel it is the same way when domestic violence issues against men are raised. If such a matter is raised, it’s looked upon with curiosity and summarily passed by.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

My cousin was a victim of DV with his live-in GF. During a war of theirs, she started attacking him like a mad woman & threw a glass vase at him. The vase shattered at his feet & gave him a nasty gash. As he was trying to get away from her, she called the cops on him saying that he was trying to attack her. He got arrested, then his lawyer advised him to file a report against her. He filed the report & she was subsequently arrested since she caused the nasty gash on his foot. It was a mess & at first the cops were on her side.

It's sad that he had to get booked in jail when my cousin did nothing wrong. So, yeah, it's not always fair for men when they are innocent. I do not condone domestic violence at all, I don't care who it is.


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Dear personal
Another one for you to comment on please.

BBC Here and Now MORI Poll

All serious studies into domestic violence show a roughly equal balance between the genders. Some studies have shown that there is a higher rate of domestic violence amongst lesbian than heterosexual couples. A poll undertaken by MORI and commissioned by Here and Now had these main findings:


• One in five (18 percent) of men have been victims of domestic violence by a wife or female partner as opposed to 13 percent of women by a man.


• One in nine women admit to having used physical aggression against a husband or male partner (compared to one in ten men)


• 14 percent of men say that they have been slapped by a partner (compared to 9 percent of women)


• 11 percent of men have had a partner threaten to throw something heavy at them (compared to 8 percent of women)


• Only 4 percent of women explained that their behavior (either verbal or physical) was because of drink or drugs (compared to ten percent of men)


• Nearly half (47 percent) of women say that their behaviour (physical or verbal aggression or verbal reasoning) was because "it was the only way I could get through to him"


• Working class men (20 percent) are more likely to have been subjected to physical agression by a wife or female partner than upper or middle class men (15 percent)


• Here and Now's survey reveals that fifteen percent (6.3 million people) of the population say that they have been subjected to physical agression by a husband/wife or hetrosexual partner.


• MORI interviewed a representitive quota sample of 1,978 adults in Great Britain. 1,865 of whom had ever been in a personal relationship with the opposite sex.


• Field work was conducted from 17-21 November 1994 in 150 constituencies. All interviews were conducted face to face in home employing a self completion technique. Data have been weighted to the known profile of the British population.


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## BrutalHonesty (Apr 5, 2015)

Well, let me put it this way... The following is a video of an organization of men's rights activists trying to get coverage for abused men. Basically demand that the state finds a way to treat victims equally regardless of sex. Notice how it was received by the feminists we see here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qodygTkTUYM


"Funny" social experiment of a guy being abuse by his woman in the middle of the street. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlFAd4YdQks

So yeah, most of society doesn't give a crap. 

However, on a personal note i do not feel much sympathy for men that allow themselves to be abused unless they are somehow physically disabled. 

I would be damned if i ever allowed a woman to hit me or treat me aggressively in any way. Any woman who thinks she can hit me and not get a serious can of asswhoop is mistaken. I would never hit a woman first, but i'm not one to turn the other cheek. 

Guys who allow weaker female to rough handle them were deluded into thinking that they are sub-human and can be beaten by women just because they have a vagina.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SamuraiJack said:


> If you want to look at how serious the situation is being treated....Try looking up battered husbands resources.
> 
> The crickets singing will pretty much tell you how serious they take it for men.


Almost every organization that provides help to battered women also provides it to battered men.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Most of the male rape victims are raped by men.





Runs like Dog said:


> That's not relevant. A victim is a victim. It doesn't matter to society that a man is a victim of rape or a victim of his wife smashing his face with an ashtray. The response, and response of the criminal justice system is the same.


It is relevant on this thread as *THIS THREAD is about DV on men by women.*

*
Thread Title: *Is Captain Mainwaring still alive aka Domestic Violence on Men by Women


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Almost every organization that provides help to battered women also provides it to battered men.


In my clinical practice and in my personal life this is EXACTLY the opposite of what I have experienced. Women's shelters have often turned men away because the men's "presence would upset the women"

Men were often referred to nonexistent facilities such as the YMCA.
Perhaps things have changed a bit, but I think you will still see coverage for men lacking.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> Almost every organization that provides help to battered women also provides it to battered men.


This would be fascinating if true and I would love to know where this is if you don't mind sharing the state. In Colorado the resources for battered men is very small. We have a shelter for women in every major municipality but none for men save one small church run shelter in Denver that also doubles as a substance abuse resource center. 

They have online resources that can double for either men or women as educational material but if a male domestic violence victim showed up at the door of a domestic violence shelter or advocacy center they are turned away at the door. Hell when I first became a police officer these were still called women's shelter and women's advocacy centers. Luckily the DA and some of us were able to convince them to change the term from women's advocacy and shelter to domestic violence shelter and advocacy. While they still won't service men at least it calls attention to the whole problem and not just one side.

The one other exception is when they are in same sex relationships. The LGBT centers here have a lot of money and resources and will pay for therapy so they fair alittle better than a hetro male here anyway.


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

I think it is quite a problem and I do think we need men's shelters.

I just think the overall shift needs to change from helping one group and not another and to helping all groups.

That doesn't mean I am against a facility being only for men or only for women or only for this or that ethnic group. I think especially between the genders that could be helpful so that an abusive partner cannot follow the victim (I do understand that this happens with homosexual couples...honestly, I am unsure of how to deal with that. There are a lower percentage of homosexual couples than heterosexual couples so I think a facility for one gender only would help cut down on an abusive partner following...but if anyone else comes up with a better solution, please let me know). 

I just think in general as a society, we have to recognize that we are all peoples of one nation/society. We should all be uplifting ourselves. I am still for specific interest groups as we do not all face the same challenges. 

The model would be as follows:

*Human Rights/Citizen Rights Banner*

With subdivisions of: 

-Women's Rights
-Men's Rights
-GLBTQ Rights
-Black
-Hispanic
-Indigenous
-etc...

Each group involved in a larger discussion of uplifting, not of if I give this group more rights this group has less rights. Each group should be uplifted, as it uplifts the whole nation and makes us all more productive and happy citizens. 

Women should not be preferred over men for Domestic Violence as incidences are nearly 50/50 for male and female victims. However, male aggressors and female aggressors display slightly different patterns of control and violence. Therefore, male groups should be trained to identify and deal with the problem in a slightly different way, and female groups should be trained to identify and deal with the problem in a slightly different way.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Runs like Dog said:


> That's not relevant. A victim is a victim. It doesn't matter to society that a man is a victim of rape or a victim of his wife smashing his face with an ashtray. The response, and response of the criminal justice system is the same.


Yes society does accept violence against men, from women, to a much larger degree than the reverse. From daytime TV where you see females slapping males to popular cultural music like Carrie underwood talking about running over guys and destroying trucks. If this was gender reversed you can bet that it wouldn't be so accepted.

That said we do arrest females for this. A slap can get you a night in jail for harassment. Destroying a car will get you a night in jail on a felony. The real problem is that it isn't reported. I can't supoort the facts because no one has them but I believe that female and gay male violence on other males is one of the most unreported crime in the nation. Reason I'm confident in that is because most states now domestic violence covers everything, however people get thier head wrapped up with the word violence. Things like theft and damage to property are as arrestable as slaps to the face and being shoved. That's not to say that I want our jails full of women who slapped or pushed thier husbands and would prefer them full of murders and robbers but the fact still remains that both are in fact illegal and both genders do go to jail for this.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Most of the male rape victims are raped by men.


Yes, according to studies which are now slowly being called flawed.


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Yes, according to studies which are now slowly being called flawed.


Would you be able to direct me to any links or reports about that? Not because I want to disprove them, but I come from a research mind. I doubted the claim that most male rape victims were raped by men but have no evidence. The one instance when I do think most men are raped by other men is during wartime by invading armies. If I can see a report for myself that would very much help.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Maria Canosa Gargano said:


> Would you be able to direct me to any links or reports about that? Not because I want to disprove them, but I come from a research mind. I doubted the claim that most male rape victims were raped by men but have no evidence. The one instance when I do think most men are raped by other men is during wartime by invading armies. If I can see a report for myself that would very much help.


Sure.
My access to articles changed when I graduated so, I will try to find free scholarly articles for you. Please, give me a bit of time.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

In the meantime, this is one of the rare sites that even mentions Domestic Violence against Men.

Domestic Violence Against Men In Colorado


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Sure.
> My access to articles changed when I graduated so, I will try to find free scholarly articles for you. Please, give me a bit of time.


I completely understand. I have had no luck finding public articles and I do understand getting shut out of the research database (both a blessing and a curse). 

If you cannot find them, don't trouble yourself too much, but I also do appreciate that you would take the time to find them


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

These links have general overviews and some decent links to studies to get you started. Please note, these links do not necessarily refute what Elegirl stated. Also, I held the same belief as well.


> Most of the male rape victims are raped by men.


Here may be a reason as to why this is a widely held belief:


> In a survey answered by hundreds of rape and sexual assault support agencies, they estimated that 93.7 percent of male rape perpetrators are male and 6.3 percent were female. (Greenberg, Bruess and Haffner, 575)


This stat had permeated the web and was rarely refuted. 

All I am saying is the numbers/studies are being challenged because of skewed questioning , changing laws and different beliefs.


> Yes, according to studies which are now slowly being called flawed.


Male rape in America: A new study reveals that men are sexually assaulted almost as often as women.

What's telling is the fact the FBI kicked out 86,000+ rape stats, from Chicago in 2010, because the state changed their rape laws from the old gender specific definition of:


> “the carnal knowledge of a female forcibly and against her will.”


To a more inclusive less gender specific law.

The other thing that fascinated me, while blowing away my society held beliefs, was this:


> In the last few years, the BJS did two studies in adult prisons, jails, and juvenile facilities. The surveys were excellent because they afforded lots of privacy and asked questions using very specific, informal, and graphic language. (“Did another inmate use physical force to make you give or receive a blow job?”) Those surveys turned up the opposite of what we generally think is true. *Women were more likely to be abused by fellow female inmates, and men by guards, and many of those guards were female. For example, of juveniles reporting staff sexual misconduct, 89 percent were boys reporting abuse by a female staff member. *In total, inmates reported an astronomical 900,000 incidents of sexual abuse.


These numbers fly in the face of many of the male on male prison rape numbers floating around. Also, it makes an interesting claim about prison and detention rape as well.

The CDC's Rape Numbers Are Misleading

I like this link because it delves into the flaws of the CDC studies, while trying to be neutral.. Also interesting is the accusation that the CDC numbers could be inflated.

Still the interesting thing to note is this:


> And now the real surprise: when asked about experiences in the last 12 months, men reported being “made to penetrate”—either by physical force or due to intoxication—at virtually the same rates as women reported rape (both 1.1 percent in 2010, and 1.7 and 1.6 respectively in 2011).
> 
> In other words, if being made to penetrate someone was counted as rape—and why shouldn’t it be?—then the headlines could have focused on a truly sensational CDC finding: that women rape men as often as men rape women.


Scary right?

Study: 10 Percent of U.S. Youths Cause Sexual Violence



> The study found that females and males had carried out sexual violence at nearly equal levels by the age of 18. Of the survey respondents who reported being perpetrators, 48 percent were female and 52 percent were male. Interestingly, females tend to assault older victims, while males are more likely to choose younger victims. Females are also more likely to engage in "gang rape" types of activity and act in groups or teams (1 in 5 females reported this type of activity, compared with 1 in 39 males).


 Yes, men still lead, but this a huge leap from stats and the perception that men rape way more than women. All of those links have citations or access to actual studies.


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

I can see how the questioning was flawed. That is one of the things I enjoyed about being in the research world. I learned how to question material to see if there were any deeper truths.

Yes, while it is disturbing, it is something we must face if we want to contribute to solve the problem and those who are affected. Thank you for helping me to find more information and broaden the picture.

I am a women who was raped by a man. Many people afterwards asked me if I hated men. I said no, because I met many men who were also raped and couldn't speak about it. I realized we were all in this together as people. Not men. Not women.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SamuraiJack said:


> In my clinical practice and in my personal life this is EXACTLY the opposite of what I have experienced. Women's shelters have often turned men away because the men's "presence would upset the women"
> 
> Men were often referred to nonexistent facilities such as the YMCA.
> 
> Perhaps things have changed a bit, but I think you will still see coverage for men lacking.


It must be different in different states.. I've helped on volunteered with organizations that provide help to victims of abuse in New Mexico & Texas. Every organization that I have dealt with helps men who are abused as well as women who are abused.

I've volunteered at safe houses that had accommodations both men and women.

The national DV hotline helps both men and women. They say that only 13% of the calls they receive are from men who self-identify as victims of abuse. 

Here is info in two other states. 

Help For Men | Get Help | Center Against Domestic Violence

MenWeb Are you abused? Here's What You Can DO

I did not look up every state but I'm sure that all states have help available for men. New Mexico is a very poor and backward state in so many ways. I know for a fact that NM has many organizations that provide help for male victims of abuse. If NM can do it right, surely the more 'sophisticated' states do as well.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> It must be different in different states.. I've helped on volunteered with organizations that provide help to victims of abuse in New Mexico & Texas. Every organization that I have dealt with helps men who are abused as well as women who are abused.
> 
> *I've volunteered at safe houses that had accommodations both men and women.*
> 
> ...


In the same house? Were they separated somehow? That would never fly here one state to the north. If things are that progressive in NM I would start recommending make victims travel there, it's only about 3 hours from my city


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Good morning everybody

Well in Conservative Britain, it is thought that it never happens, even the agency set up to help are not doing anything to help. It is though DV never happens to males from females and is still treated as the Captain Mainwaring of 40 years ago, in that it simply does not happen. Obviously in America it is being taken seriously, any comments from people on how to get it taken more seriously in this country.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Move to America


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

I don't feel like domestic violence against men is taken as seriously as it is against women. However, I do feel like it should be. My son was in a relationship with a young lady that used to hit him. She would punch him in the face. He hid it from us for a long time, until he just had enough and told me about it. I confronted her, and she denied it, but even his friends said that it was true.

Thank God, after dating 3 years in high school, they are no longer dating. 

I don't think it's right for anyone to be abused.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

That's horrible grush....

Lord help the girl who ever does that to my son.


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## grushim1239 (Apr 13, 2015)

Blossom Leigh said:


> That's horrible grush....
> 
> Lord help the girl who ever does that to my son.


Trust me, I wanted to beat the snot out of her!! I'm just so grateful that he's no longer in the relationship!


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

grushim1239 said:


> Trust me, I wanted to beat the snot out of her!! I'm just so grateful that he's no longer in the relationship!


I bet you did...


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

jacko jack said:


> Good morning everybody
> 
> Well in Conservative Britain, it is thought that it never happens, even the agency set up to help are not doing anything to help. It is though DV never happens to males from females and is still treated as the Captain Mainwaring of 40 years ago, in that it simply does not happen. Obviously in America it is being taken seriously, any comments from people on how to get it taken more seriously in this country.


Not sure from These posts here where you get that it's being taken seriously. I would say here it is acknowledged it happens but otherwise not talked about much. I would say it's very much culturally accepted here. And a large part of that plays to the men in the situation. If more came forward and more arrestes were made it would drag the issue further into the spotlight. Things in the spotlight get resources and attention. But so long as we maintain a "suck it up guy" way of thinking that's not going to happen. 

In 15 years of doing this I would say the only change I have seen in this regard is we have stopped using one sided terms like women's violence or abused wife to more gender neutral terms like domestic violence and domestic partner abuse...... But I can tell you none of these changes were made for hetro men it was actually made for the LGBT community but that has great benefits for everyone


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Thank you grushim1239, Blossom Leigh and Wolf1974, but on this side of the pond it is simple not taken as true, I am not against equal rights, indeed I am all for them but they must be equal and not lopsided.


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## Maria Canosa Gargano (Jan 30, 2015)

jacko jack said:


> Thank you grushim1239, Blossom Leigh and Wolf1974, but on this side of the pond it is simple not taken as true, I am not against equal rights, indeed I am all for them but they must be equal and not lopsided.


The rights part has to be changed,

as does the culture. Change does not come from just the law, it must come from the attitude. Law can help change the culture as it opens up our definitions.

Just like how Wolf said.

Culture is not just transmitted by one group to another. It is not just women transmitting to men that they are lesser men by standing up. It is also transmitted by other men as well. 

It is a problem that we all have to come together as people, the men and women who understand the problem, and work together to change other men and women's minds who do not understand the problem.


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