# Husband Wants Divorce, I don't



## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

We have been married for three years. We have two sons, ages 3 and 22 months. 

My husband announced today that he is filing for divorce. We have had problems like any other couple, him keeping a steady job (he has a felony conviction), him not happy w/his life (after being incarcerated for a long time), us being together isn't what he expected it would be, him being unfaithful (I've forgiven him).

I am devastated.

I want to go to counseling as a last ditch effort and I don't think he'll go.

Advice?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Enough_Is_Enough said:


> We have been married for three years. We have two sons, ages 3 and 22 months.
> 
> My husband announced today that he is filing for divorce. We have had problems like any other couple, him keeping a steady job (he has a felony conviction), him not happy w/his life (after being incarcerated for a long time), us being together isn't what he expected it would be, him being unfaithful (I've forgiven him).
> 
> ...


Convicted Felon who cheats on you. Somehow I think you can do much better. Why put up with someone like this ???


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## Shoeguy (Jun 23, 2011)

:iagree:


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## emptyinside882 (Jul 7, 2012)

You can do much better than him. Trust me, there are plently of men out there that IS faithful with no criminal record. 

I would first make sure you take care of yourself first, if you arent. You could do things for yourself and yourself only, find things you enjoy doing and just have fun being you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If he wants out, let him go.

You're much better off.

Never hang onto someone who is trying w/ all their might to get away from you.

Let go.


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## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

MSC71 said:


> Convicted Felon who cheats on you. Somehow I think you can do much better. Why put up with someone like this ???


That's a little judgmental, don't you think?? I knew him BEFORE the incarceration. 

Yes he was unfaithful, but we moved past it and moved on.

Why put up with someone like this? Because I love him.


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## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> If he wants out, let him go.
> 
> You're much better off.
> 
> ...


Where did I say that he was trying with all of his might to get away from me??


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## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

emptyinside882 said:


> You can do much better than him. Trust me, there are plently of men out there that IS faithful with no criminal record.
> 
> I would first make sure you take care of yourself first, if you arent. You could do things for yourself and yourself only, find things you enjoy doing and just have fun being you.


What is it with you guys and the criminal record thing? I mentioned it just to give background, not to be judged.

Isn't this site for support?

Well, where is the *&^% support?


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## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

I've read a few of the posts here, not too many because this site is new to me, but I've seen some really good support given and I must say that I do not appreciate being judged.

We all love who we love, the end!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Enough_Is_Enough said:


> Where did I say that he was trying with all of his might to get away from me??


You didn't use those words, I did. But you said this: 



Enough_Is_Enough said:


> *My husband announced today that he is filing for divorce*.
> 
> I want to go to counseling as a last ditch effort and *I don't think he'll go.*


And your thread title is "Husband wants divorce, I don't."

Fundamental difference. BIG fundamental difference.

One person alone cannot make a marriage happen. It has to come from both. The commitment needs to be from both sides.


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

We are supporting you. We're just not telling you what you apparently want to hear.


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## Jack Butler (Aug 13, 2012)

If he wants a divorce and you don't it's apparent that you still love him but he has fallen out of love with you. You can ask him if he's willing to try consoling but understand you cannot make someone fall in love with you and you can't go back to what you had before. If you are worried about being alone welcome to the club (membership count is currently around 7 billion, WE ALL worry about that). You WILL find someone else (unless you hide in yor room and never come out). Because of the children don't drag it out and for damn sure don't use them as a weapon. I can tell you I've seen relationships end gracefully with beautiful results, usually with the couple becoming strong friends with happy children or even sometimes correcting the issues and reuniting. BUT IF you use the children as a weapon or try to force him to stay his hate will grow tremendously, you will burn every chance of having a strong alley, friend and a good father. He will not be the blame, you will be. Don't take your children from their father and don't keep him from them. Give him the space he's asking for and if it's meant to be it will work itself out. If it doesn't there is always something/someone better meant to be!


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## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> You didn't use those words, I did. But you said this:
> 
> 
> And your thread title is "Husband wants divorce, I don't."
> ...


I know what I said.. I wrote it. And you're right, there is a difference. You're right again that one person alone can't make a marriage happen. But I feel how I feel... and I thought this site was for support. I am not in denial. I am aware of what's going on, but once again, I feel how I feel...


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## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

solitudeseeker said:


> We are supporting you. We're just not telling you what you apparently want to hear.


No, you're wrong. I don't care to "hear" anything other than sound advice and was hoping for support. But instead, everyone mentions how I can do better since he has a criminal past... sounds very judgmental to me.. and I didn't come here for judgment...


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## Enough_Is_Enough (Aug 10, 2009)

Jack Butler said:


> If he wants a divorce and you don't it's apparent that you still love him but he has fallen out of love with you. You can ask him if he's willing to try consoling but understand you cannot make someone fall in love with you and you can't go back to what you had before. If you are worried about being alone welcome to the club (membership count is currently around 7 billion, WE ALL worry about that). You WILL find someone else (unless you hide in yor room and never come out). Because of the children don't drag it out and for damn sure don't use them as a weapon. I can tell you I've seen relationships end gracefully with beautiful results, usually with the couple becoming strong friends with happy children or even sometimes correcting the issues and reuniting. BUT IF you use the children as a weapon or try to force him to stay his hate will grow tremendously, you will burn every chance of having a strong alley, friend and a good father. He will not be the blame, you will be. Don't take your children from their father and don't keep him from them. Give him the space he's asking for and if it's meant to be it will work itself out. If it doesn't there is always something/someone better meant to be!


Thank you for this...

He and I have talked since I posted this and he has agreed to go to counseling but has made no other promises. We are going to take it one day at a time... as this is as he says our recovery process. 

I would never use my children as tool against him. He is an awesome dad. I didn't grow up with my father so that is something that I am adamant about. Children need their dads!! That is something that is very important to me. 

Yes, I do have somewhat of a fear of being alone. It's not easy to take care of my boys w/o their dad. He's been away from us two weeks now. My boys are 3 and 22 months old and it's overwhelming at times. I work full time and also have two older children, one away in college and the other lives in GA w/his dad. It's a lot but I try to be a great mom to my children and do the best I can. It's about the children first.

Thanks for your post..it's what I was sort of needing to hear!


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Enough_Is_Enough said:


> No, you're wrong. I don't care to "hear" anything other than sound advice and was hoping for support. But instead, everyone mentions how I can do better since he has a criminal past... sounds very judgmental to me.. and I didn't come here for judgment...


But the truth is that he, as a grown man who wants a divorce, can't be stopped from walking out the door and getting a divorce irregardless of whether you want it or not. In order for you to move forward, you have to accept the fact that it takes two to make a marriage, and one of your "two" wants a divorce.

Once you accept that, you can start making plans with your life to live without him. In other words, you really don't have a choice here as you simple can't "keep him" if he doesn't want to be "kept".


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Enough_Is_Enough said:


> We have been married for three years. We have two sons, ages 3 and 22 months.
> 
> My husband announced today that he is filing for divorce. We have had problems like any other couple, him keeping a steady job (he has a felony conviction), him not happy w/his life (after being incarcerated for a long time), us being together isn't what he expected it would be, him being unfaithful (I've forgiven him).
> 
> ...


Hi - I am so sorry for your pain.

Yes, ask him to go to counseling. If he will not, then go yourself asap. Write him a hand-written letter expressing your feelings.

Most of all, take care of yourself because your children need you to be emotionally happy. Try not to let your husband & children see you falling apart.

Remember, this is a big forum & you will get all kinds of different advice.

Take what you need and leave the rest.

I am praying for you and your family.


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## Luonnotar (Aug 2, 2012)

I can understand how you feel. My husband did many things people would view as more than enough reason to leave him (cheated on me, lied, gambling issues). 
The thing is, I haven't always been the best wife. It's very easy to get a one sided view of a marriage by hearing a quick summary from someone. Especially if they are upset, or mad at the time.
My husband wants a divorce, I don't. I'm going along with it, because it's what he wants and I want him to be happy. But I'm praying that he changes his mind as we go through all the discussions of how we're going to handling.
I'm so glad that your husband agreed to the counseling. I hope it works out well for you. I think you're wise to take it slow. I'm definitely hoping everything turns out for you and the kids.


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## FRANC (Mar 2, 2012)

Enough_Is_Enough said:


> us being together isn't what he expected it would be, him being unfaithful (I've forgiven him).


In what ways is you two being together not what he expected it would be? Is he complaining about you, your behavior, etc? I'm wondering if there are things both of you need to change...

The job/conviction issue and possibly the infidelity are straight forward (as in, i can understand what you mean), the other is a bit vague...

Also, did he try to justify the infidelity, blame you etc? How long did it last and who was it with?

Just trying to get a handle on where his head might be at...


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