# Still head over heels for my first love



## mickey10186 (Mar 15, 2010)

I have been with my husband for five years, and I can honestly say that I am still in love with my first love, which started a couple of years before him. I told him how I felt, but he didn't feel the same way for me. We were very close friends, and then he changed. He became quite selfish and didn't give a damn about anyone but himself. I have talked to him about how he wasn't the person he used to be, and we just argue about it. I have tried to cut him out of my life, but its too hard for me or he always talks to me to apologize or check up on me. Its like I am trying to cling on to him and keep in my life any way I can. I only see him once in a while, but every time I do see him or hear his voice, I still get butterflies. I have never loved my husband like I loved him, and I think I always will. When he slept with my close friend a couple of years ago, I even took it hard and cried. I wonder if I should still keep him around or tell him that I don't ever want to see him or hear from him again, as to not jeopardize what I have for my husband. A long time ago, I typed up a letter that poring out how I felt and the end part is that I can't have him at all in my life, because of how it can jeopardize what I have with my husband who is madly in love with me. I know it sounds dumb, but it was nice to type away how I feel about him and have even debated on sending it to him. I have not told one person about how I feel and what is going on. What should I do?


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## Ted (Mar 2, 2009)

"I have never loved my husband like I loved him"

And You never will as long as you keep holding on to him. Your husband is only getting a fraction of your heart, and best parts you have hidden away for your old boyfriend. You need to let go. If you don't you'll lose your husband, and you probably still won't get this other guy.

If you value your marriage at all, you will completely end contact with your "first love." If you really don't care about it, at least be honest with your husband so he knows you aren't invested in it, and that you will always be pining for this other guy. Don't string him along believing his marriage is a happy one if its not.


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## mickey10186 (Mar 15, 2010)

You are right. I am a very lucky girl and he is a very good man and doesn't deserve this. I know I need to cut him out of my life for good. It will hurt, but for my husband and my sanity, I know I need to. Should I give him the letter? If I do, I know this will keep me from trying to talk to him again and I will block him from my phone, email, Facebook everything. I feel like he has a right to know how I felt about him and why I can't have him in my life anymore instead of just cutting him off and being *****y about it.


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## Ted (Mar 2, 2009)

My advice is not to give him the letter. You telling him you still have feelings, even if you are now deciding not to contact him at all anymore, will just fuel the fire for him to continue contact.

If you really feel you must write him, I think it should only be something like this: "Because I value my husband and our marriage, I can not longer have contact with you. Please honor my decision and make no attempts to contact me in the future."

That's it, nothing more, no feelings, no comments about your regrets. Let him know you are done, and you will have nothing else to do with him. It will be better for you, but it is also better for him, because he will know where he stands, instead of you dragging him on for months or years to come.

I know this will be hard, but I really think it will help your marriage, good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You should give him the letter. It will tell him to stay away from you.


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## mickey10186 (Mar 15, 2010)

One says give him the letter, one person says not to. This letter that I saved up is telling him how much I cared for him and how now him still being in my life has and always will be toxic in my life that I have a have a great marriage and this man has loved me unconditionally throughout the five years I have been dating/married to him. Its all that I have built up in the eight years that this all started, but its not pining at all. It all accumulates to why I want him out of my life forever and not to contact me ever again. After that, I will block him from everything and if this is sent, I won't have the courage to contact him again. Any other opinions? I am sorry, I just can't talk about this with anyone close to me.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Of course, in a good marriage, you should be telling your husband the truth, and he should help you send the letter, so that it's a starting point for a better marriage based on radical honesty.


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## mickey10186 (Mar 15, 2010)

Thanks everyone. I have made my decision. I will send him the letter, mostly because this will bring closure to my eight years of feelings for him. Once I have closure, everything is done. By the time I have sent the letter, I will all ready block him from having any contact with me. I know him well that he will be put back by this but he will also respect my wishes. As for my husband, I going to talk with him and let him know what I am doing. He does deserve to know. I know once this other guy is out of my life, I can finally move forward with the future and let go of this big part of my past. Thanks again with all of your help!


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## Ted (Mar 2, 2009)

I wish you the best


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