# shared custody and remarriage



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I know this is a question for a lawyer, but I'm curious if anyone on here (Canadians preferably) know the laws surrounding the relationship status between a child in a shared custody arrangement and the parent's new spouse.

I was talking with my exW about my health plan and my son's coverage, and she mentioned to me that her common law spouse recently became employed and his health plan includes my son. I was curious how that works because my son is technically not a dependent on the new spouse unless he was legally adopted (and I'm not ok with that, but I haven't discussed that with her yet) she informed me that they will be getting legally married soon.

I am curious if my son will be considered a dependent on this new guy, even though he is in a shared custody arrangement? I do know that there may be other ramifications, such as child support amounts, but I'm not expecting that I will be off the hook or anything...

Anyone that has been in this situation have any tips on what I should be aware of in regards to coparenting after the ex remarries? I want to make sure I'm not losing any rights as a custodial parent, and I don't want to make any assumptions.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Was any of this covered in you parenting agreement? I don't know how detailed they have to be in Canada, but Chinless and I had to fill out lots of detailed forms and then write up our own restrictions that covered everything from one parent taking DS to church or to counseling, to who paid for various expenses, large and small. Things like insurance are only covered by me or by him. We also alternate who gets to take DS as a dependent on our taxes every other year, since we have 50/50 custody. Are you doing something like this with your ex? Maybe if it's her year, he would cover your son as her dependent? (Chinless and I don't deal with this, as I'm the only one who can get insurance for DS.)

As far as him adopting your son, if it's like it is here, the only way that could happen is if you totally give up all parental rights to your DS, something I could never see you doing. I doubt that Canada would do anything different.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't know anything about custody law, but I know that my workplace benefits cover stepchildren as long as the parent and stepparent are legally married. It doesn't have anything to do with the stepchild having to be adopted by the stepparent, it just doesn't exclude a child from what may be the policy the rest of the family is covered by. I work for a 4-campus state university, so I'm guessing that isn't an outrageous or uncommon practice compared to other large employers.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am our companies group plan admin, and my hubby is the kids stepdad. My hubby never legally adopted my kids, and they've all been on his health plan as long as he's had it (we're in Alberta). There was never any questions asked about custody arrangements or anything, although I do have sole custody. If the child is put down as a dependant, which they would have to be, and as living at the same address, that's all they look for.

If your wife and you also have coverage for the kids, things can get tricky as to which plan has to cover them first, and her husbands plan would probably be the LAST to cover anything. But if he's the only one with group benefits, leave it alone.


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## wtf2012 (Oct 22, 2012)

I'm American, not Canadian.

I have covered my step daughter's insurance for the last 6 years. We decided to do it that way so she would have the same insurance as her brothers so they could go to the same doctors/dentists. Plus it did not cost us any extra to add her to the family plan, and it helped increase the child support calculation for my STBXW.

Here you can cover a step child or partner's child as long as you are married or there is a court order. A court order could be as simple as an agreement between parents that is solidified by the judge in a decree or ruling.

Now that I am divorcing, I will no longer be able to cover my step daughter. This has caused me some stress, as I do not want to have a lapse in her coverage. I am pretty sure the IRS counts a dependent losing coverage for any reason as a qualifying life event, so her dad could add her to his insurance outside of open enrollment. But with any bureaucratic red tape there can be delays and idiots in the way.

I would recommend you not allow this to happen for the following reasons:

1. If your ex is not dependable and you are, then you should be the one to make sure your son has health insurance no matter what. What if your ex decides to leave her current partner. What if this guy loses his job, etc. Not sure about you, but I take my role as provider extremely serious, and I would worry about someone else not blood related to my child fulfilling this responsibility.

2. It could increase your child support payments. It may be cheaper for you anyway depending on cost of your insurance. It may come out in the wash.

3. It may be harder to find out what is going on with your child's health care if your ex is difficult to co parent with.

4. It is a possible argument against you in a future custody battle. (I know this may sound paranoid, but my ex is crazy and never happy). If your ex and her hubby decide to move away and want to take your kid, they could go for full custody. Anything they can use to show you aren't a fully involved parent will be trotted out against you. Don't give them any future ammunition.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Thanks for the responses... Angel, unfortunately I have discovered after the fact that my lawyer really wasn't all that thorough when it came to drawing up a comprehensive separation agreement. It was adequate discussing scheduling, marital property division and maintenance, even had rights of first refusal clause, overnight visit clause and relocation clause. However things like who gets to claim our son as a dependent, and requirements for future relationships was sparse and vague. We've had to navigate a few of these things after... which is why I'm now going over this particular issue. 

Hope, that is useful advice, and kind of matching what I am figuring out about group health plans - even if my son is also covered under his new stepdads health plan, I don't believe that it sets any precedents as to dependency. What is more unusual it seems, is that "shared custody" is kind of an emerging arrangement, lots of laws have been changed in recent years but many policies are still based around the idea that only one parent is custodian, so I just wanted to understand how this new guy would even be able to list him on his policy, his spouse (me ex) I get, but not sure why her dependents would be considered his. And my son is already listed on my own health plan, so it seems beneficial to me anyways since with both plans in place any portions not covered under my plan will be convered under his so likely less cash out of pocket.

WTF2012, no worries my son will certainly have coverage under my plan, I also take the role of provider and protector seriously. I had never considered my health plan premiums a contribution to child support, I think I have read in Canada the courts don't consider it a direct or extraneous child support item so I don't get a discount on the support I pay. However, since we used the "offset method" to determine child support, with the increased household in his mom's home she will probably be expected to contribute more, possibly more than myself in which case the offset payment should technically come my way instead of hers (which would me she should be paying me child support, an arrangement I certainly will consider).


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Lon said:


> Thanks for the responses... Angel, unfortunately I have discovered after the fact that my lawyer really wasn't all that thorough when it came to drawing up a comprehensive separation agreement. It was adequate discussing scheduling, marital property division and maintenance, even had rights of first refusal clause, overnight visit clause and relocation clause. However things like who gets to claim our son as a dependent, and requirements for future relationships was sparse and vague. We've had to navigate a few of these things after... which is why I'm now going over this particular issue.
> 
> Hope, that is useful advice, and kind of matching what I am figuring out about group health plans - even if my son is also covered under his new stepdads health plan, I don't believe that it sets any precedents as to dependency. What is more unusual it seems, is that "shared custody" is kind of an emerging arrangement, lots of laws have been changed in recent years but many policies are still based around the idea that only one parent is custodian, so I just wanted to understand how this new guy would even be able to list him on his policy, his spouse (me ex) I get, but not sure why her dependents would be considered his. And my son is already listed on my own health plan, so it seems beneficial to me anyways since with both plans in place any portions not covered under my plan will be convered under his so likely less cash out of pocket.
> 
> WTF2012, no worries my son will certainly have coverage under my plan, I also take the role of provider and protector seriously. I had never considered my health plan premiums a contribution to child support, I think I have read in Canada the courts don't consider it a direct or extraneous child support item so I don't get a discount on the support I pay. However, since we used the "offset method" to determine child support, with the increased household in his mom's home she will probably be expected to contribute more, possibly more than myself in which case the offset payment should technically come my way instead of hers (which would me she should be paying me child support, an arrangement I certainly will consider).


My kids were covered under stepdad's plan. His wage had nothing to do with child support unless my kids dad claimed undue hardship. My H was just allowed to claim them on health plan and it was sure easier than dealing with my ex (who dumped them off his plan before they were picked up by my H to save a whole $25 a month).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: shared custody and remarriage*



golfergirl said:


> My kids were covered under stepdad's plan. His wage had nothing to do with child support unless my kids dad claimed undue hardship. My H was just allowed to claim them on health plan and it was sure easier than dealing with my ex (who dumped them off his plan before they were picked up by my H to save a whole $25 a month).
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess what seemed weird to me is why my ex's bf would want to spend the money to include her and my son under his plan... Until the revelation they are marrying, that is.

Funny thing is she is still listed under my plan since I don't get a discount by removing her, and nor has she made any claims under it since leaving.

My main concern about all this is not my son's health coverage, it's what parental rights over my son this other guy is acquiring by marrying my ex. My son's school already has him listed as a legal guardian, but that technically isn't so, but I think they designate him that way since he is authorized to pick him up after school.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Hm. I don't know about Canada but I can list other adults who have authority to pick up my daughter without them being legal guardians. I have my best friend and my parents listed. There is a place for relationship to child but the relationship would be step-father, not legal guardian. ???


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

Lon said:


> I guess what seemed weird to me is why my ex's bf would want to spend the money to include her and my son under his plan... Until the revelation they are marrying, that is.
> 
> Funny thing is she is still listed under my plan since I don't get a discount by removing her, and nor has she made any claims under it since leaving.
> 
> My main concern about all this is not my son's health coverage, it's what parental rights over my son this other guy is acquiring by marrying my ex. My son's school already has him listed as a legal guardian, but that technically isn't so, but I think they designate him that way since he is authorized to pick him up after school.


Canadian here...

Ok, I know this for a fact, your ex's fiance should NOT be listed as guardian just because he picks the kid up. The school requires "emergency people" to pick up kids, but does not ask for a guardian...very weird, and you need to address that immediately. A guardian is equal to parent.

Second of all, I went to mediation with my ex, and the fact that he lives with his partner/SO did not change the fact that I was paying child support (shared agreement), I was making more than him, although him and the g/f were making more together combined than me. So, child support payments do not change. 

I wouldn't agree to having your ex put her son on her SO's medical plan, just out of principal that it's your kid, and you already have him on your plan.

Time to have a sit down with your ex wife.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

working_together said:


> Canadian here...
> 
> Ok, I know this for a fact, your ex's fiance should NOT be listed as guardian just because he picks the kid up. The school requires "emergency people" to pick up kids, but does not ask for a guardian...very weird, and you need to address that immediately. A guardian is equal to parent.
> 
> ...


My H was listed as step dad. He is not legal guardian.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: shared custody and remarriage*



golfergirl said:


> My H was listed as step dad. He is not legal guardian.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I called up the school, asked them to change it, they didn't really have a proper category (though I don't even know why they have him listed) so set him as "father B" and added note (mothers boyfriend) to his file.

my ex can change it to "stepfather" if she so wishes, after they are legally wed that is.


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