# How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you",



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

*How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you",*

What has been your experience with infidelity. 

Does a relationship born with one or both cheating, result in distrust and a repeat cheating cycle. Or just a breakup because the initial relationship was secret? 

There is at least one thread here about this, but I couldn't find it.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

My title cut off but I think you get the point. If they cheat with you, do they cheat on you? How often in this crowd is this been true?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

I have had friends in the past, that cheated with someone married or in a long relationship and they all have got cheated on. Funny how they would seem surprised when it happened. 

Like Dr Phil said, if they do with you- they will do it to you. There might be some on here that know if it has happened like that with anyone, but I do not know of any relationship that has. I would think trust would be a big issue for either side, knowing what they did to another person.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

Cheaters remind me of horse thieves. They could be riding the best stallion, or filly that they've ever ridden. Yet when they gallop past the next plain where there are other horses, they're always looking.

Eventually another horse catches there eye and interest. Though this horse is great, is that horse better?...

There's no honor among thieves.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

Not necessarily true. Depends on the damage. I have a quasi-friend that cheated on his wife. In his case though, he married young. And he married because she got pregnant (which even the circumstances around that are dubious). After getting married, she was ...um... demanding. He was seriously beat down, often ridiculed because his job didn't pay well and she brought home the real paycheck. It was sort of during this time we stopped being friends because a) she isolated him from his friends, and b) I really didn't like her or the way she treated him.

As the story goes through mutual acquaintances, he met another co-worker in that same sort of situation. (I don't know her though). Basically, they talked through these issues with each other. That formed an EA that lasted a couple years. I suspect it went PA at some point, but they both divorced their spouses. Then they got married about a year after. And they've been together about a decade now in a mixed family (she had two kids, he had one and it's all joint custody with their ex's). As far as I know, there hasn't been cheating by either one since (they were both WS's) and seem like a happy regular couple.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

When the comedian/actor George Burns turned 100 or so he was asked if he ever cheated on his long time (but by then deceased) wife, Gracie Burns. 

He thought about the question and then answered 'yes' he had. He stated that Gracie has a very 'plain' looking woman and he cheated on her with beautiful women.

Then he paused some more and stated that had Gracie been beautiful he would have cheated with ugly woman.

Moral of the story is that you either have the betraying gene or you don't.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

Under some conditions, similar to what Racer said, they don't always cheat again. That is on the rare side however. Most cheaters get cheated on and/or cheat again.

Some cheaters reform and regret their destruction as well but that is fairly rare.

Some eventually get too old and tired to play games anymore.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*



ConanHub said:


> Under some conditions, similar to what Racer said, they don't always cheat again. That is on the rare side however. Most cheaters get cheated on and/or cheat again.
> 
> Some cheaters reform and regret their destruction as well but that is fairly rare.
> 
> ...


Whether they betray again or not, there is always the propensity there to do so. But it will be much easier the second time and they will be much more covert.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

thatbpguy said:


> Whether they betray again or not, there is always the propensity there to do so. But it will be much easier the second time and they will be much more covert.


Refining and honing their skills huh? I might have to do some research. I really don't have enough data on this topic.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

A lot of the continuation cheating has to do with folks being like electricity; it takes the path of least resistance and the person ends up again yoked to the wrong person they eventually lose interest in. Thus, once again submit that most don't cheat when they maintain a high romantic interest in their mate. (as vouched by Racer's above post)


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

I think what it does prove is that they are willing to cross that "line". And certain lines, once they're crossed, you can never really go back. 

My WW told me that once she lost her virginity, she really didn't care anymore if she went "all the way" with a guy, what the hell was she saving herself for anyway?She said it was the same way about cheating. She had LTA about 25 years ago and got away with it (Or so she thought). The world didn't come to an end and she eventually ended it and life went on. So when life got tough a few years ago and the opportunity popped up unexpectedly, bam! she went for it. The line had already been crossed and life didn't end the last time, so what hell?

Didn't quite turn out the way she planned this time though, so we'll see.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

I think that saying is probably true at times -- maybe most of the time -- but not always. My ex-husband, who remarried the moment the divorce was final, says he learned from his mistakes. Time will tell. 

His new wife (who was not his AP) doesn't know why I divorced him. I asked him if he told her and he hadn't. She and I get along well and I keep waiting for her to ask me. If she does, I'll be happy to share my story with her. But otherwise I won't.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*



thatbpguy said:


> Whether they betray again or not, there is always the propensity there to do so. But it will be much easier the second time and they will be much more covert.


I agree with this, but there are a few FWS's on here that I do not believe will take to cheating again so fast.

Tears and the woman that has a user name that starts with a "U"(sorry, but I can't remember it right now).

They both had one ONS and they're Husbands left them over it.

They were and still are(as far as I know) working on getting their Husbands to return.

The pain that these two were in...

I just think you'd have an easier time trying to sell a Corvette to a Quaker, then trying to get either one of these young ladies to ever stray again.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*



ConanHub said:


> Refining and honing their skills huh? I might have to do some research. I really don't have enough data on this topic.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There have been studies done (I have posted links to some here before) that state that betraying is addictive behavior. In addition, I can tell you from my ex to dozens of betrayers that the first time was very hard, the second easy and the third+ fully justifiable.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> There have been studies done (I have posted links to some here before) that state that betraying is addictive behavior. In addition, I can tell you from my ex to dozens of betrayers that the first time was very hard, the second easy and the third+ fully justifiable.


Maybe it is an adictive behaviour? Like a desire to participate in a dangerous sport?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

It's probably a good "rule of thumb" that isn't always true. As they say in the investment world: Past results are not a guarantee of future performance. Just the same, many people go by past performance and fail to perform due diligence.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*



Rugs said:


> My title cut off but I think you get the point. If they cheat with you, do they cheat on you? How often in this crowd is this been true?



I agree Rugs. If they cheat with you, more likely than not, they will cheat on you or they will have a greater propensity to do so or you will be going out in a tainted relationship with a tainted individual IMO


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*



GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I agree with this, but there are a few FWS's on here that I do not believe will take to cheating again so fast.
> 
> Tears and the woman that has a user name that starts with a "U"(sorry, but I can't remember it right now).
> 
> ...


This is a good story. It shows that some probably will be one and dones but it also shows it is because actions have consequences and their H's stepped to the plate and laid down the law and there was some pain ( a lot of pain) in their wayward actions. It shows that they have motivation to correct their actions and will probably do so.

I do agree that most who cheat will do so again however.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*



HarryDoyle said:


> I think what it does prove is that they are willing to cross that "line". And certain lines, once they're crossed, you can never really go back...
> 
> *The line had already been crossed and life didn't end* the last time, so what hell?


Agreed...

Crossing the Line? What HD is speaking of is probably the "Dirtiest Little Secret" of cheating that is usually dismissed or ignored by most BS as well as WS. 

When caught my wife admitted to a short EAPA with an old boyfriend from college days. As I uncovered the truth, she had been serially cheating with other men for years. She finally did admit,

"Once I crossed that Line, years ago, what did it matter."


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

I think it's a character flaw for some people, especially if there has been no consequences in the past. 

When my BIL looks back at the beginning of his relationship with my SIL, he now realizes that he was probably the OM. She gave him the line that her and her husband were separated but living in the same house. In fact, my BIL helped her move out of the house. 

Now years later, guess what she told all her co-worker friends about her current marriage when she started up with the new OM? Yep, that BIL and SIL living a "in-house" separation. This was news to my BIL.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

It’s like the recidivism rate within the American Criminal Justice System. Fact of the matter is that regardless of what we wish, hope for, aspire to, etc.; within 3-years of release 2/3 to 3/4th of all parolees will find themselves back in the system for some type of a criminal infraction.

The correlation isn’t necessarily strong enough to make a scientific cause-effect statement, but anecdotally or if you’re a betting person, it’s a safe assumption to rely upon.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

No, not always. I know very commited and great marriages that came from cheating. His marriage was dead and were just waiting for a kid to go to college. Her marriage was verbally abusive and very rocky. Together they has build something very beautiful. They learnt the value of mutual respect, communication, and that relationship takes work.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

Personally I believe it is situational as to whether they will cheat again but because of the lack of integrity I believe that I would always have that in the back of my mind if I were to engage with a former WS. No matter the problems, there are legitimate and honorable ways out, cheating not being one of them. So, I see any relationship with a cheater as starting with one strike already against them. Just my .02 cents worth.


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## fearfulheart (Dec 8, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

Sadly it is so true - I am a living example of this - my WW broke off an engagement with her fiancee and fell in love with me. 15 years into our marriage and 2 kids later she is filing for divorce to be with a kid 10 years younger than her - after all the lies and deceit once I confronted her with VAR evidence she openly admitted that she can't control herself - somehow it is part of her genes to betray the ones she falls in love.


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## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

I have a friend that cheated on her H with a married man. They left their spouses for each other. They don't trust each other at all, Fuss & fight about it all the time. I don't know if either of them have cheated on the other, But if you ask them they both say they think the other probably has.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

if you go out with a cheat, there is a likelihood that you will be cheated on by that same cheat.

What is happening is karma. I actually can't stand it when cheating partners have a successful relationship afterwards because they left so much carnage in their wake.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

And some can resist anything except temptation...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

And even if they do remain faithful to each other the fear that either one of them could chest again can destroy such a relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BrightEyes86 (Nov 1, 2014)

*Re: How often does the statement, "If they will cheat with you, they will cheat on yo*

My sister eventually broke up with her ex boyfriend over this issue. When they first met he had a girlfriend, and cheated on said girlfriend with my sister. Eventually he broke up with girlfriend and became "exclusive" with my sister. She always wondered, and obviously didn't trust him around other girls. He had other character faults that caused a lot of fights, but this one was the big one. They were on-again off-again for years until they finally called it quits, and he went and got married to some girl he hardly knew. I didn't like him much anyway, he was a jerk to my sister and treated her badly, and never would talk to me. After he got married he tried reaching out to my sister and starting a conversation, and she told him to go to hell. People like him are obviously never satisfied, and the rule proves true. I know a few other people who keep getting married and divorced over this cheating thing, and the people they get married to always think they're going to be the ones to change him/her. But it never happens.

On the flip side, there are circumstances that prove to be the exception to the rule. If your spouse or significant other treats you like garbage and is abusive (mentally or physically), sometimes someone else comes along and shows you how you really should be treated. You technically cheated, but your relationship was going downhill with no hope of recovery anyway, and you start a new healthy relationship with the new person and nobody cheats.

Every situation is unique to the individuals involved. There can be no one rule that covers everyone.


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