# Husband hardly initiate intimacy and pulls away when kissed.



## shanalove (Nov 22, 2012)

I've been having problems with my husband for the past 2 years that we are married. We've been together for a total of 8 years and now he's 31 and I'm 26. We are both young, healthy and doing great financially. we also have a 1 year old.

I've just been so confused to why he's always rejecting me when I initiate sex or initimacy. We are both virgins when we got married because of our believes but even during our honeymoon we only had sex once in 4 days. He says he cant produce any more sperm and it takes him 1 whole week to reproduce more. I dont have any experience in the area so I dont know, all I know its it hurts when I'm dressed sexy and kissing him and he says hes too tired or he'll say, not tonight honey. He also has problem with being affectionate in general..he tries hard to be but its just awkward, He also is very quiet guy and cannot open up emotionally at all. He also dont have any close friends because of this. But besides all that he's a good dad, provider and he always helps around the house.

Can someone enlighten me to why he rejects me?..He gets angry to why I question his love..and says he's just not a natural when it comes to kissing etc..but how can i not feel hurt when i kiss him and he pulls away? 

He is not cheating, hes not gay. but what can i do to not feel hurt each time he rejects me?


----------



## needguidance (Aug 17, 2012)

Guess the real ? is what was he like before? Considering since you two were virgins until the honeymoon, what ways did he show affection and what do you define as affection for you? Sometimes you have to step back and think about what changed in your lives at some point in time for him to feel that way now. You think too when we first meet someone we put on our best face, best behavior. Between that we are filling so many needs at once naturally that we don't recognize whats going. It's everything is going with the flow. Over time we start to sync back into are regular scheduled program self and the things we did natural when the relationship was new falls tat the waste side. If he's saying now he's not really into kissing this is definitely a sure example of the natural things he did in the beginning if, you two were kissing before, thats not getting done now.


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Shanalove, if you don't know that it doesn't take a man an entire week to produce more sperm, then you likely wouldn't have any idea at all if your man was gay. You don't come off as particularly well versed in sexual matters, which is fine, but acknowledge that you have limitations.

Is your husband fat or obese? Does he have any self esteem/body image issues that you are aware of?


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I do suggest that you research online about the male body. Men can have sex within a couple hours from the time before. 

The only time my husband ever pushed me away like that was right before he was leaving me.  It's a bad feeling to be pushed away like that, but he's trying to tell you something--he just doesn't know what to say.


----------



## shanalove (Nov 22, 2012)

Actually..This has been from the very beginning..when we were dating..although we weren't having sex..we would dry hump..he would come..but would not be interested for another week because he can't come again..so It has been like that for all i know..he did get his terosterone level checked a couple of months ago..and it was low..but not too low that the doctor are willing to subsribe him something..

How i know he's not gay is because when we were dating..i found porn in his computer..of girls not guy..but he has definetly stopped looking at porn..i know this for sure..

We do have sex..though it has always been once a week..and most time its me initiating it..but i feel that when he does do it..he enjoys it..and its good..but yet again..i feel that i wouldnt know since i have no one to compare it too.

just a little add on: my husband doesnt like me to go down on him..he thinks its gross..and he doesnt want me to have to do that..he also doesnt like to try new things..

He says he loves me..he says he just show it differently than i do..he works hard..to provide for us..he helps me out and he does try to hold me and cuddle me..he says i just have a different standard..

My husband and I are attractive..fit..slim..i know this is sounding a bit up myself..but we are..its not about body issues at all..but he does have high cholesterol..

He also says that when he rejects me..its not me..he says..even if he were married to someone else..it will be the same..he cant have sex more than once a week..his body just cant..Is this true? he is only 30 though

add on: He also doesnt like to try new things and doesnt like it if i go down on him..he think that is gross and he doesnt think its appropriate..


----------



## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

His "religious beliefs" were just a cover story for his impotence.

It may or may not be treatable and he may or may not be willing.

But you should insist on treatment for him.


----------



## shanalove (Nov 22, 2012)

east2west..

actually we met at church.. so we knew we didnt want to do it before marriage.

he can get it up about 2 days after but find it impossible to cum..sometimes he goes soft it it hasnt been 5-7 days recharging..

Do you think this likely the cause why he doesnt want to kiss aswell..because he doesnt want to dissapoint me if it does lead to sex?

what can he do though about it?
we have gone to the doctor but he didnt prescibed him with anything


----------



## east2west (Oct 19, 2012)

shanalove said:


> east2west..
> 
> actually we met at church.. so we knew we didnt want to do it before marriage.


Lot's of people talk the talk. But the one's who can walk the walk are LD. Otherwise he would have been all over you before marriage.



> he can get it up about 2 days after but find it impossible to cum..sometimes he goes soft it it hasnt been 5-7 days recharging..


Hormonal problem.



> Do you think this likely the cause why he doesnt want to kiss aswell..because he doesnt want to dissapoint me if it does lead to sex?


Yup.



> what can he do though about it?


1) See more doctors. Most likely there is a medical cause for his LD.
2) Start a muscle building workout and diet routine to boost his T.
3) Masturbation. He probably doesn't want to masturbate because he thinks it will make him not perform later in the week. But having orgasms makes the body want more orgasms. Just like going jogging causes the body to prepare for more jogging. So two days after sex he should rub one out on his own, without the pressure to perform for you. If he can't cum two days later, even on his own, then it's definitely a medical issue. He should also look at porn and develop a fantasy life. Having sex on the brain makes you want more sex.
4) If all of that fails at least he can use penis pills.


----------



## Michael A. Brown (Oct 16, 2012)

Maybe your husband does have a problem with his sex drive.


----------



## shanalove (Nov 22, 2012)

its been hard because he wont be clear about the problem but he has made to effort to exersize because we research that it may help with his sex drive though he think it has improved his drive..but even then its always me that makes advances towards him..and often gets rejected..which really damages my confindence..

but its really upsetting for me if he doesnt see a reason for us to make out or touch each other in a sexual way if he can't have sex anyway for that day...is this true with men?


----------



## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

shanalove said:


> its been hard because he wont be clear about the problem but he has made to effort to exersize because we research that it may help with his sex drive though he think it has improved his drive..but even then its always me that makes advances towards him..and often gets rejected..which really damages my confindence..
> 
> but its really upsetting for me if he doesnt see a reason for us to make out or touch each other in a sexual way if he can't have sex anyway for that day...is this true with men?



can you rephrase that question? Its a little confusing.

My guess is that he is rejecting you because he is afraid he cant perform. That is probably the most ego damaging thing in the world for a man. The problem with that is rejecting you is also the most damaging thing to a female and so it becomes a vicous cycle.

I would also be curious as to the actual numbers as pertains to low testosterone ie how low is low.


----------



## shanalove (Nov 22, 2012)

Stonewall, what i meant is.. my husband thinks its pointless to touch sexually, caresses and kiss..because he thinks he cannot perform anyway..


----------



## KendalMintcake (Nov 3, 2012)

I would have to say I am LD or maybe a tad above LD. I used to need to masturbate daily when I was younger and now it is once every 1-2 weeks. Part if this is also due to medication that once I started I just had no libido. I actually like the fact that I am not always getting aroused by little things. However if my wife wanted Alex nightly I would celebrate because I like the intimacy more than anything else. Lets face it, an orgasm is quick and once it is over that's it, you are done for a while. To me it sounds like abuse. A fear if intimacy and losing control is more likely than a week to produce sperm. Btw, no need to have sperm that's so crazy to hear that someone would say no sperm no desire! I think it is a bad excuse for something that maybe he does not even realize - a suppressed memory of something traumatic is more likely...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

east2west said:


> Lot's of people talk the talk. But the one's who can walk the walk are LD. Otherwise he would have been all over you before marriage.


HD man here.

Stayed celibate for years before my wife and I married for spiritual reasons.

Don't assume because a man is able to practice celibacy, that he's LD. There are religious men who take vows of celibacy who are HD, and even very HD.

It's about control, and spiritual strength. Some men can manage it, most won't even try.


----------

