# Going out alone?



## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Does anyone ever go out alone? As many of you know I am in a new town and only know my "interesting" step-sisters. I feel like getting dolled up and going somewhere to have a glass of wine - but then I think, I'll just be there alone, watching everyone else have fun (seeing couples) and it might even be more depressing. Bleh I just got my hair done, it's Friday night, and I don't feel like doing my usual routine of hitting the gym.


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## sadsoul101 (Oct 18, 2011)

go for it  if it sucks, you can always head home. but why not? I love people watching!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It's something I might do. But if you do this be concerned about your safety. 

If you go out like that you probably will not be alone for long. 

Maybe not for tonight, but the future, look for groups in that meet in your area and try some of those. For example here where i live there is a new comer's association. There are jogging clubs, etc. 

You might want to search on Online Event Registration - Sell Tickets Online with Eventbrite for your town and see what is going on.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

There's nothing wrong with going out by yourself. I, too, like people watching. Have some fun! You deserve it.  

But I agree with EleGirl...be aware of your surroundings.


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## sadwithouthim (Dec 8, 2011)

I go out alone all the time....for the past year and meet someone to chat with all the time. Go show off your new hair do and have fun.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Be careful in parking lots. '

And do not take a drink directly from anyone but the wait staff and do not leave your drink unattended. 

Sorry to be such a worry wart.


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## Jason439 (Jul 16, 2012)

I agree with everyone else. People watching is very interesting. I do it all the time. People watching that is.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

I'm just so shy - I feel like I might start thinking "why is nobody talking to me??" Completely lame I know :\

It just feels like such a good waste of good hair lol?

Going out with my sister is always such a pain anyway - drama. Last weekend I went with her and her friends - all of a sudden my sister just stomped off. I later found out she was annoyed, hence her immediate departure.


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## Jason439 (Jul 16, 2012)

I say go out, grab a drink and live your life. If someone catches your eye, start a conversation. As a guy, I always appreciated it when a woman would strike up a conversation with me. 

Don't worry what others ate thinking. I could care less what strangers think of me. Lol


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## Jason439 (Jul 16, 2012)

Are thinking. Not eat. Damn auto-correct!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I do it all the time. I've gone to movies, plays, the opera, bar shows, a concert - all solo. I've also gone to a local wine bar for apps &music. If I don't want to talk to anyone, I just take a book or pretty journal to write in. I always dress up, too. I figure it's my only chance, so why waste it? I play it safe, &so far have not had a problem. Go for it, emma!


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

angelpixie said:


> I do it all the time. I've gone to movies, plays, the opera, bar shows, a concert - all solo. I've also gone to a local wine bar for apps &music. If I don't want to talk to anyone, I just take a book or pretty journal to write in. I always dress up, too. I figure it's my only chance, so why waste it? I play it safe, &so far have not had a problem. Go for it, emma!


That made me lol - "your only chance." 

Well I am in sin city, the land of debauchery and $15 drinks. 

I am using my separation (looking more like divorce) as a time for personal growth as many of you are ... meditation, reading, challenging career and maybe learning how to "rock it" by myself. Oy vey.


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## Jason439 (Jul 16, 2012)

Definitely no shortage of places to people watch in Vegas. Had my first trip there last year. Crazy place to say the least!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Being in a middle of a D, much unlike my STBXW, I choose not to date. Quite often, I'll go out alone for dinner, a movie.

Trust me! I'd absolutely love to have a date~ but with the divorce proceedings looming, it's just not real smart to be seen in public with someone of the opposite sex who isn't family!


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

arbitrator said:


> Being in a middle of a D, much unlike my STBXW, I choose not to date. Quite often, I'll go out alone for dinner, a movie.
> 
> Trust me! I'd absolutely love to have a date~ but with the divorce proceedings looming, it's just not real smart to be seen in public with someone of the opposite sex who isn't family!


Oh I'm not dating - loyal and abandoned I am. But I am also sick of being at 24 hour fitness on Friday nights feeling like the world is passing me by.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

I guess what's irking me the most is I just had my greys covered and had the best blowout of my life - you ladies know what I mean when I say a good blowout


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Emma1981 said:


> Oh I'm not dating - loyal and abandoned I am. But I am also sick of being at 24 hour fitness on Friday nights feeling like the world is passing me by.


Consider yourself lucky that you're at least doing that! I, for one, am greatly looking forward to opposite sex company just as soon as the court room gavel comes to fall for the final time!


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

I feel more nervous? 

Yes, I feel lucky after my husband left me I had the balls to move to a place with sun, take a brand new position and get "me" together.

Well people I am getting ready - the eyeliner is on! At the very least I will me a nice glass of merlot. Dating yourself???? Why the heck not, I like me.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Enjoy yourself, Emma!


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Details of the date! Don't skimp out on what happens when you take yourself home!

Haha I kid! .....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

UpnDown said:


> Details of the date! Don't skimp out on what happens when you take yourself home!
> 
> Haha I kid! .....
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I can already tell you - lots of water, maybe some oatmeal and chicken. 

Funny but I was always someone who drank maybe 2-3 times a year due to my bodybuilding and fitness. Since I have been in Vegas, I don't think getting drunk will be my thing, but a nice glass of wine is great  BUUUT I do account for it in my macros since I am anal as hell with my diet and will most likely compete next month. Little steps away from my OCD ...


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Man I wish someone would sit me down and tell me what to eat and when. I'd do it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Well I did it - it was interesting. Actually I got hit on by a really hot guy, not bad considering how I have been feeling about myself. Pretty much begged me to make out with him and I was like "yay, can't do that - sorry for wasting your time" - he said "you really must have it for this guy." Pretty much. Either way, new experience and mission accomplished.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Emma1981 said:


> merlot. Dating yourself???? Why the heck not, I like me.


Truth be known, if you don't like yourself, how on Earth can you realistically expect other people to?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Good for you!! So now you at least have 3rd party confirmation of how great you looked, right?


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Yes, I guess so - lol I posted a pre-going out pic in my profile for all to see ha ha! I wasn't sure how I felt about putting pics of my face on here but I don't care anymore. 

Either way, it was liberating and a positive experience - less the $15 charge for their cheapest merlot - but that's Vegas for you, well when you are on the strip anyway. I think next time I might go local, tourists are a different breed.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No one has suggested "Meet Up" (meetup.com) It's the best. You can find groups meeting almost anywhere, anytime.

I got out alone all the time--have done this my whole adult life (the ex didn't like spending money on sitters, so he wouldn't want to go). I am perfectly comfortable. I have good, safe habits, and I don't drink. Definitely gives me an advantage over the drunks I might run into. Also, I'm not a small woman, so I'm not an easy target. 

I'm glad you went out and enjoyed yourself, and got the ego boost as a freebie! That's awesome!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Just took a look -- no wonder you were approached -- you looked great! :smthumbup:


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Meetup is good, I have just yet to attend an event. I joined a divorce group back in Seattle but moved here before I met with them. Tomorrow I am joining a hiking group which should be fun.

IDK if going out alone will be a regular thing for me (in that type of scene anyway) - I really think it came down to me not wasting a good blowout lol.


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## Matt1720 (May 7, 2012)

I think i checked this thread sometime before going to sleep last night, and had a rather interesting vegas dream. So thanks!

I need a book or something when i go out alone, i'm too awkward and just looking at things (people included) feels creepy after a while.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Matt1720 said:


> I think i checked this thread sometime before going to sleep last night, and had a rather interesting vegas dream. So thanks!
> 
> I need a book or something when i go out alone, i'm too awkward and just looking at things (people included) feels creepy after a while.


There is nothing really inherently wrong with taking a book with you to dinner. After all, they can actually be great little conversation starters!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Emma, just want to say, that if guys aren't approaching you it's because you are WAY too intimidating (by that I mean any warm blooded guy with decent set of morals would think you are way out of his league - I would never approach, between your good looks, hot clothes and amazing muscles, I would just automatically presume I'd be laughed at all the way across the room if I tried). The only reason I can even say so here is because I've read your posts.

As for me I love going out alone, though it is usually empty, the isolation is understandable when I become a recluse, but it hurts to feel so all alone in a place full of people apparently doing what you want to be doing. So it usually feels a lot more comforting to come home alone.


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

Emma1981 said:


> pic in my profile for all to see ha ha!


meow! helloooooo Emma.


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## muriel12 (Jul 10, 2012)

Emma - You make me want to go out alone too. so inspirational!!! I don't feel like going out anywhere or join any groups at this time. So depressing. I sometimes wonder how I even survived the past two months of roller coaster ride.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

One step at a time, muriel. For me, just going to a coffee shop and sitting and reading the paper over coffee was a big deal. Same with going to a movie. But now, not so much. You can do it!


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

muriel12 said:


> Emma - You make me want to go out alone too. so inspirational!!! I don't feel like going out anywhere or join any groups at this time. So depressing. I sometimes wonder how I even survived the past two months of roller coaster ride.


Do it! I just did a hiking meetup group today and made a new gf who lives in my area. It was a great day 

Think about it...

When you are on your deathbed what do you want to remember? That you sat home alone, pining over a man that could care less??? Waste of time imo. All of our spouses that did these things to us are our soulmates and we should be thanking them - thanking them for causing us to grow and become who we are really supposed to be. Use this time for you and treat it as an opportunity


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> Do it! I just did a hiking meetup group today and made a new gf who lives in my area. It was a great day
> 
> Think about it...
> 
> When you are on your deathbed what do you want to remember? That you sat home alone, pining over a man that could care less??? Waste of time imo. All of our spouses that did these things to us are our soulmates and we should be thanking them - thanking them for causing us to grow and become who we are really supposed to be. Use this time for you and treat it as an opportunity


And now a hiking group today!!! You go girl!!

There is a huge world out there to discover.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

What a great pic and how about the dude checking you out!Glad you had a great time.Now you're getting the right philosophy!!


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> And now a hiking group today!!! You go girl!!
> 
> There is a huge world out there to discover.


Yes, new pic in profile. The girl I made friends with snapped a random pic of me - we later realized, well look at the guy in the back. Must have been my super fantastic hiking shoes


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TBT said:


> What a great pic and how about the dude checking you out!Glad you had a great time.Now you're getting the right philosophy!!


Oh my he is checking her out... look at his face... :smthumbup:


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

TBT said:


> What a great pic and how about the dude checking you out!Glad you had a great time.Now you're getting the right philosophy!!


LOL I was mid comment when you wrote this - first my Friday shenanigans and now this. Totally random photo...


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Hope muriel12 decides to take a chance as well.Life is too short and we all need the human touch.I know I don't want to go to my grave with Eleanor Rigby playing in the background! Nice to see a positive experience.Keep it up.:smthumbup:


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

TBT said:


> I know I don't want to go to my grave with Eleanor Rigby playing in the background!


Oh, if that isn't impetus to give it a try, I don't know what is! I know I'm going to keep that in the front of my mind.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

angelpixie said:


> Oh, if that isn't impetus to give it a try, I don't know what is! I know I'm going to keep that in the front of my mind.


Sorry,I didn't mean that to be a downer angel.I have faith that you're going to do just fine in this old life!


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## Why Not Be Happy? (Apr 16, 2010)

Emma:
I just looked at your pictures. You look great! Men will be attracted to you-----take your time, be confident and go slow.
You'll be fine!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

TBT said:


> Sorry,I didn't mean that to be a downer angel.I have faith that you're going to do just fine in this old life!


No-- it was actually a kick in the pants that I need lately. I'm at the point where I"m _more_ comfortable going out and doing things alone than I am reaching out to other people. I need to start going that next step.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> Does anyone ever go out alone? As many of you know I am in a new town and only know my "interesting" step-sisters. I feel like getting dolled up and going somewhere to have a glass of wine - but then I think, I'll just be there alone, watching everyone else have fun (seeing couples) and it might even be more depressing. Bleh I just got my hair done, it's Friday night, and I don't feel like doing my usual routine of hitting the gym.


Well holy heck. I wish I would have known there was another "loner" perusing the Vegas town. Just got back from there myself and spent the whole weekend running solo. People watching is a blast, but it's always funner to share some laughs and convo with another person.

Even better, it could have been fun watching you kick the crap out of guys who tried to get cute with you!


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

frigginlost said:


> Well holy heck. I wish I would have known there was another "loner" perusing the Vegas town. Just got back from there myself and spent the whole weekend running solo. People watching is a blast, but it's always funner to share some laughs and convo with another person.
> 
> Even better, it could have been fun watching you kick the crap out of guys who tried to get cute with you!


LOL - well, I am actually pretty docile. At 103lbs I'm not very intimidating 

I actually had more fun being by myself, no drama per other people.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> LOL - well, I am actually pretty docile. At 103lbs I'm not very intimidating
> 
> I actually had more fun being by myself, no drama per other people.


Ha!! I've seen 100 pound women take on 250 pound men and it was not pretty for the men!


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

frigginlost said:


> Ha!! I've seen 100 pound women take on 250 pound men and it was not pretty for the men!


Not this gal - I've never even been in a fight and/or can open a pickle jar. It's all for show 

I actually covered up my arms so people didn't get the wrong idea.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> Not this gal - I've never even been in a fight and/or can open a pickle jar. It's all for show
> 
> I actually covered up my arms so people didn't get the wrong idea.


Well of course you have never been in a fight. Most of the free world knows that 103 pound women can pack a heck of a punch if provoked. My ex was 110 pounds and I lost many a wrestling match with her. Of course, many I lost on purpose. ;-)

You need to go with the arms uncovered. It makes the entertainment value skyrocket for those folks like myself doing some people watching. It's like watching a Mongoose toy with a Cobra.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

frigginlost said:


> Well of course you have never been in a fight. Most of the free world knows that 103 pound women can pack a heck of a punch if provoked. My ex was 110 pounds and I lost many a wrestling match with her. Of course, many I lost on purpose. ;-)
> 
> You need to go with the arms uncovered. It makes the entertainment value skyrocket for those folks like myself doing some people watching. It's like watching a Mongoose toy with a Cobra.


Ummm yeah ok.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I would never go out alone to have a glass of wine/c*cktail/drink in a bar setting. But that's just me.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

What about if there's a band you want to hear? Most of the local ones here (and even some national acts, for that matter) only play in bars.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> I would never go out alone to have a glass of wine/c*cktail/drink in a bar setting. But that's just me.


How come?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Because it's just how I roll. 

I would never ever go to a bar alone.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> I would never go out alone to have a glass of wine/c*cktail/drink in a bar setting. But that's just me.


How come Jelly? Sleaze factor? 

I didn't want to do the alone thing as I thought it would just look/feel odd. What I found out was that there are folks out there in the same exact situation and have gained a few new friends from doing it.

Truth be told, it was really an odd feeling at first.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Because it's just how I roll.
> 
> I would *never ever* go to a bar alone.


Okiday - point taken.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Emma1981 said:


> Actually I got hit on by a really hot guy, not bad considering how I have been feeling about myself.


You do know that you're an attractive woman, right? You don't seem to believe that in some of your posts.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

frigginlost said:


> How come Jelly?


Because like I said -- it's just how I roll.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

thunderstruck said:


> You do know that you're an attractive woman, right? You don't seem to believe that in some of your posts.


I think I am OK - I'm in shape, which makes me stand out in some way. When I met my husband I always felt he was an upgrade in the looks department (not that it's all about looks) - out of my league if you will. With everything that's gone on, obviously I took a kick to my proverbial balls.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> *I think I am OK* - I'm in shape, which makes me stand out in some way. When I met my husband I always felt he was an upgrade in the looks department (not that it's all about looks) - out of my league if you will. With everything that's gone on, obviously I took a kick to my proverbial balls.


wow, really? Don't take this the wrong way but I think you may be clueless, so I'm sending you a clue: you are smoking hot and no man would ever be turned off by your looks, no man is going to be the better looking one in a relationship with you, I promise, it's impossible and it is also the nature of our species, no matter how chiseled the guy may be, beauty is a feminine trait.

I find it interesting how an incredibly hot woman (like we are talking pretty much a ten, or maybe a 9.9 which for most men is even better than a 10 because it means you are human after all) can think she is just "ok".

It also gives us sad guys hope that maybe we just perceive our own self worth and confidence level the same way you perceive your appearance... perhaps we all are a lot more attractive than we like to think we are.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Lon said:


> wow, really? Don't take this the wrong way but I think you may be clueless, so I'm sending you a clue: you are smoking hot and no man would ever be turned off by your looks, no man is going to be the better looking one in a relationship with you, I promise, it's impossible and it is also the nature of our species, no matter how chiseled the guy may be, beauty is a feminine trait.
> 
> I find it interesting how an incredibly hot woman (like we are talking pretty much a ten, or maybe a 9.9 which for most men is even better than a 10 because it means you are human after all) can think she is just "ok".
> 
> It also gives us sad guys hope that maybe we just perceive our own self worth and confidence level the same way you perceive your appearance... perhaps we all are a lot more attractive than we like to think we are.


Lon,

Along with that motorcycle, you may want to get the number of a real estate agent in Las Vegas.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Lon - all subject to opinion. Depending on the types of women someone is used to "acquiring" it's all a sliding scale.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Emma1981 said:


> Lon - all subject to opinion. Depending on the types of women someone is used to "acquiring" it's all a sliding scale.


Screw others opinions, go after what you want, not what falls on your lap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

UpnDown said:


> Screw others opinion, go after what you want, not what falls on your lap.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with this - I was more responding to his 9.9 comment. It's all subjective


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

ok I must make a confession, in the year after my ex W busted me with internet porn and though I was off of it cold turkey I did turn to hot or not on more than a few occasions, lol. I would say I'm pretty good judge of looks, atleast as good as any other man... you would have been on the front page of that site. Yes there is "some" subjectivity, but moreso there is universality.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Conrad said:


> Lon,
> 
> Along with that motorcycle, you may want to get the number of a real estate agent in Las Vegas.


First I have to get my passport. oh and find one whom isn't way out of MY league.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Lon said:


> ok I must make a confession, in the year after my ex W busted me with internet porn and though I was off of it cold turkey I did turn to hot or not on more than a few occasions, lol. I would say I'm pretty good judge of looks, atleast as good as any other man... you would have been on the front page of that site. Yes there is "some" subjectivity, but moreso there is universality.


Funny - that's where I met my husband amazingly enough. He selected to "meet me" and I thought no freaking way.

Not to get off topic - but porn was off limits?? Man, porn is santa's little helper, keeps me from doing the heavy lifting 24/7.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> Funny - that's where I met my husband amazingly enough. He selected to "meet me" and I thought no freaking way.
> 
> uh, he was the only one? I was only there to rate women's pictures, but if I was going to click meet me's all the 7.5's and up would have got my wink.
> 
> ...


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Lon - no, he was the only one I was interested in corresponding with and ending up meeting.

He watched porn - It was fine with me  Not at first, but then I started thinking "why do I have an issue here????" These women help when I'm not around - go for it!


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

To think I almost joined up with friends they are going to Vegas in October.

Alas, cannot afford such luxuries right now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Lon said:


> First I have to get my passport. oh and find one whom isn't way out of MY league.


There are no leagues buddy. It's not the face you f**k, it's the f**k you face. Or as my grand dad told me; "find someone who you can laugh with, because long after looks fade, you can still laugh together".
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> I think I am OK - I'm in shape, which makes me stand out in some way. When I met my husband I always felt he was an upgrade in the looks department (not that it's all about looks) - out of my league if you will. With everything that's gone on, obviously I took a kick to my proverbial balls.


Don't let the "out of your league" feelings you had regarding him cross over to what is happening now. That's too much to carry. You're an attractive woman that was with an attractive man. Don't let his leaving make you think you were not good enough....

His loss...

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Is it normal to think your spouse is the hottest person you have ever seen and not even had an innocent wandering eye (ie. checked other people out in passing) - that's how I feel about my spouse.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Emma1981 said:


> Is it normal to think your spouse is the hottest person you have ever seen and not even had an innocent wandering eye (ie. checked other people out in passing) - that's how I feel about my spouse.


Nope.

It's what I thought of mine as well.

Never felt the need to ever look at another woman.

And she knew it.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> not even had an innocent wandering eye (ie. checked other people out in passing) - that's how I feel about my spouse.


Not even aesthetically? Wow,you are disciplined!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

frigginlost said:


> Or as my grand dad told me; *"find someone who you can laugh with, because long after looks fade, you can still laugh together".*_Posted via Mobile Device_


And that's an absolutely great saying!

In fact, it's largely been my whole mantra throughout life. When you fall in love, there are laughs~ plenty of them; that's undeniable! And one person sees those "laughs" as love, while the other soon tires of them and just looks for some variety elsewhere.

I, too, greatly looked forward to growing old with my partner knowing full well that as she came to age right along with me, that I could come to love her maturity just as much as I did her youth, and that that would only make the bond stronger! Boy, was I ever fooled!

But the most hurtful thing of all is that while I occasionally see photos of STBXW from FB or elsewhere with family, friends and yes, boyfriends, I still see her from a perspective that we had promised each other a future together and as she grows older, I see and miss the potential of that maturity that I always felt like that we would always come to share together. 

But then again, I'm greatly thinking that I'm just firmly situated in that category of loving more than being loved!


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Emma1981 said:


> Is it normal to think your spouse is the hottest person you have ever seen and not even had an innocent wandering eye (ie. checked other people out in passing) - that's how I feel about my spouse.


That's how I felt about STBXH. I thought I didn't even find him at all attractive anymore, but when I was dropping off DS last night, I was looking at him and suddenly thought, yeah, I still think he's pretty hot. I know there are guys that are way better looking from an objective standard, but to me, I never needed to look at anyone else when we were together.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

That was well put, Arb!


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> Is it normal to think your spouse is the hottest person you have ever seen and not even had an innocent wandering eye (ie. checked other people out in passing) - that's how I feel about my spouse.


Absolutely normal. I still think my ex is the most beautiful woman that walks the planet..... but slowly, I'm starting to detach...

The more I think of what she did to our marriage by walking away, the less attractive she becomes.

Your husband is blowing it. He may not see it now, but he will in time...


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> I, too, greatly looked forward to growing old with my partner knowing full well that as she came to age right along with me, that I could come to love her maturity just as much as I did her youth, and that that would only make the bond stronger! *Boy, was I ever fooled!*


Game, set, and match, Arb. You nailed my exact feelings!


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

frigginlost said:


> Absolutely normal. I still think my ex is the most beautiful woman that walks the planet..... but slowly, I'm starting to detach...
> 
> The more I think of what she did to our marriage by walking away, the less attractive she becomes.
> 
> Your husband is blowing it. He may not see it now, but he will in time...


That's what everyone keeps saying - and he still tells me what an awesome wife I am and now that he is around many other people in marriages, how good he has it with me. Also tells me he loves me all the time, how beautiful I am - but having an actual "mental" issue is preventing him from being able to work on "us." That being said, he hasn't so much as attempted counseling (this all came to fruition last Dec) and I don't see how any of this is going to change in the next 30 days (when we agreed to make a decision). That on top of the fact I will no longer move to where he is, even if it's to save our marriage - I just don't feel confident I could give up my career, move to a small town with 900-people and depend on him after all this (and that is where he wants to stay). That's why I say, I think it's over ...


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

UpnDown said:


> Nope.
> 
> It's what I thought of mine as well.
> 
> ...


Unfortunately, that's one of the reasons you are now Plan B.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Unfortunately, that's one of the reasons you are now Plan B.


I'm not no Plan B.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Unfortunately, that's one of the reasons you are now Plan B.


Which is completely stupid IMO. If a woman is not eating this up and counting her blessings, she isn't the right woman.


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## one_strange_otter (Aug 26, 2008)

If we are still discussing going out alone, I enjoy it. I don't have to wait for anyone to catch up. I can decide without arguments about where I want to go. I like just blending into crowds and feeding off the vibes... At movies I only have to find one good seat and if I'm running late chances are there's still one available. I can take my time if I want, no one rushes me. As far as out drinking alone though, probably not. Maybe a beer at a sports bar if I want to drop in and catchup on sportscenter real quick but I always like drinking with groups of people if nothing else but the safety factor. I think the next time I do go out to a bar I'll let all the ladies know I'm available though by wearing a tshirt that says "Single and taking applications" LOL....


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Emma1981 said:


> Which is completely stupid IMO. If a woman is not eating this up and counting her blessings, she isn't the right woman.


If she doesn't like herself, she will disrespect her spouse for being too into her.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> That's what everyone keeps saying - and he still tells me what an awesome wife I am and now that he is around many other people in marriages, how good he has it with me. Also tells me he loves me all the time, how beautiful I am - *but having an actual "mental" issue is preventing him from being able to work on "us."* That being said, he hasn't so much as attempted counseling (this all came to fruition last Dec) and I don't see how any of this is going to change in the next 30 days (when we agreed to make a decision). That on top of the fact I will no longer move to where he is, even if it's to save our marriage - I just don't feel confident I could give up my career, move to a small town with 900-people and depend on him after all this (and that is where he wants to stay). That's why I say, I think it's over ...


Whoa... those are the exact words my ex wife was saying to me. My ex did not want to go to counseling either. Tough to swallow as I was completely blindsided and would have done anything to save the marriage. But, it takes two to make a marriage work.

Don't put alot of weight behind the decision being made in the next 30 days (on his part). Alot of feelings are going to be had between now and then. Be really careful regarding his still saying you are great and he still loves you as when my ex was saying those things to me, it moved me backward. Live for yourself right now just as you are doing.

I'm sure in the pit of his gut he knows what he has and what he can lose. I saw my ex face to face for the first time in months last weekend and she gave everything she could not to break down and cry. It was surreal.

You seem like a great girl who is devoted to the man she married. If he does not see that and the marriage does indeed end, you owe it to yourself to be that same wonderfull devoted wife to someone else who does appreciate it...

Keep living your life for you right now.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

Conrad said:


> If she doesn't like herself, she will disrespect her spouse for being too into her.


Again, probably not the right woman ...


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

FL - he can't "woo" me back with words at this point. Like I told him, he either moves to Vegas and we begin "dating" (I won't even let him move back in at this point) or we can sign papers. I have detached for the most part and am ready to move on - already went through the sh*t. I can't even tell you the last time I cried about this. He accommodates me, or we can just go our own way.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> FL - he can't "woo" me back with words at this point. Like I told him, he either moves to Vegas and we begin "dating" (I won't even let him move back in at this point) or we can sign papers. I have detached for the most part and am ready to move on - already went through the sh*t. I can't even tell you the last time I cried about this. He accommodates me, or we can just go our own way.


Excellent!

I also drew a line in the sand with the ex. Although it scared the hell out of me, it needed to be done. Believe it or not, your strength comes through in your posts and they are a delight to read. I still at times have bad momments as there was so much good in my marriage right up until D-Day, but I resolved myself to the simple fact that she said she needed to work on herself and in doing so, she shut me out. She may regret it, she may not. In the end it does not matter on how I live the rest of my life. 

I cant tell you how many times I looked in the mirror and asked "what made me so much of a bad person to her that she left the marriage without even trying to save it". I answered myself with "does it really matter? She is gone."

It seems to me that your head is screwed on pretty damn straight and your husbands loss (if it gets there) is going to be someone elses fabulous gain...


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

FL - thank you, it means a lot. I go back to that day in December when he told me ... I felt like I was dying - now I thank him for my rebirth. Like I said, these people are our soulmates - if it weren't for them, we would not have learned the lessons and experienced the growth that was our true destiny.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Emma1981 said:


> FL - he can't "woo" me back with words at this point. Like I told him, he either moves to Vegas and we begin "dating" (I won't even let him move back in at this point) or we can sign papers. I have detached for the most part and am ready to move on - already went through the sh*t. I can't even tell you the last time I cried about this. He accommodates me, or we can just go our own way.


You mentioned a kick to your proverbial balls in a reply to me earlier. From the post above, sounds like you've grown a huge pair (proverbial, of course ) through this experience.

Your H is REALLY going to kick himself someday over this. Stay strong.


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

Emma1981 said:


> FL - thank you, it means a lot. I go back to that day in December when he told me ... I felt like I was dying - now I thank him for my rebirth. Like I said, these people are our soulmates - if it weren't for them, we would not have learned the lessons and experienced the growth that was our true destiny.


There's that wonderful strength in you I speak of. 

Soulmates are exactly what they are or in my case were. I can totatly relate to you regarding the pain. The day my wife moved out she took damn near everything in the house we had built two years earlier with the execption of one thing: Her wedding dress hanging in the closet. I seriously almost passed out from the pain of that. But just have you so marvelously put above, the growth within me is taking place and I have yet to find my true destiny. But, I sure as heck am gonna enjoy learning and experiencing new things while I search for it.

There is a hill here where I hike and at the very top sits a tree. The day after my divorce was final I hiked to that tree and taped a piece of paper to it that says the following:

"Enjoy the beauty that you see from this vista as the world beyond this point is your to enjoy"

That damn piece of paper is still there and a ton of people have signed it. It was my first step in closure...

Like I said Emma, you're gonna make someone a very lucky man if your husband does not pull his head out of his rear.


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## Emma1981 (Apr 29, 2010)

frigginlost said:


> "Enjoy the beauty that you see from this vista as the world beyond this point is your to enjoy"
> 
> That damn piece of paper is still there and a ton of people have signed it. It was my first step in closure...


I love that - I really do.


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