# Why does my wife want me to go out?



## hawx20

My wife goes out once a week with her friends and I'm fine with that. Myself, I enjoy being in my mancave. Honestly, I dont have many friends and the ones I do have live to far away to do anything with. 

She keeps wanting me to go out and do something. I like being at home, and I built my mancave so I could have someplace to unwind at.

I just dont understand why she wants me to go out so bad. I understand the need to get out away from the spouse from time to time but I would really have no where to go....I'm not a hermit or anything so I just dont know why she keeps telling me to go out somewhere.

Just to be clear this is nothing negative, no deceit, or any bad doing on my wifes part like trying to get me out of the house to talk to someone else....Just trying to get clued into the female brain...


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## frustr8dhubby

I don't necessarily mean this to be negative but it is likely she wants you to go out so she doesn't feel guilty about going out herself.


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## Mavash.

Maybe she just wants you out of the house sometimes. Does your wife work?


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## hawx20

We both work. Maybe it is the guilt thing because when I'm home, she wants me with her. She hates it when I am in my cave. I just tell her since she gets one night to be with friends, give me one night to myself meaning do not enter my room for the night unless the house is on fire or there is a medical emergency. That goes for the kids too but it never works out that way.

If I had someplace to go I would but sadly my friends either live to far away or dont share the same interests.


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## dymo

hawx20 said:


> If I had someplace to go I would but sadly my friends either live to far away or dont share the same interests.


Do you have a social life (physical, not online) outside of your wife and kids?

It could be as simple as her wanting you to have friends.


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## Hope1964

My first thought was also that she's feeling guilty for some reason.

I am a bit confused - first you say you're happy just staying home, then you say you WOULD go out but have no friends and nowhere to go. Which is it?


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## Mavash.

hawx20 said:


> We both work. Maybe it is the guilt thing because when I'm home, she wants me with her. She hates it when I am in my cave..


You're home but not accessible so she would rather you leave??


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## Toffer

I think there could be a few dynamics here, most of which have been covered:

-She wants you to go out to ease her guilt of her weekly outings
-She wants you to go out and spend time with other people to make you a little more "well rounded" and interesting.

Also, why would she go out one night and then you'd use ANOTHER night to hibernate in your "man cave"? Seems that creates 2 nights a week where you don't spend any time together

How long have you been living where you are now and why is it that you haven't made at least some acquantences like your wife seems to have?


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## underwater2010

hawx20 said:


> We both work. Maybe it is the guilt thing because when I'm home, she wants me with her. She hates it when I am in my cave. I just tell her since she gets one night to be with friends, give me one night to myself meaning do not enter my room for the night unless the house is on fire or there is a medical emergency. That goes for the kids too but it never works out that way.
> 
> If I had someplace to go I would but sadly my friends either live to far away or dont share the same interests.


Do you complain that you are being interupted while in your man cave?


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## CH

If you don't go out with her and she keeps asking and wants you to go.

SOMEONE ELSE EVENTUALLY will go with her, and it won't be you. Then you'll be in the CWI section.

You don't have to go everytime, but going once in a while would probably make her day.


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## Freak On a Leash

hawx20 said:


> We both work. Maybe it is the guilt thing because when I'm home, she wants me with her. She hates it when I am in my cave. I just tell her since she gets one night to be with friends, give me one night to myself meaning do not enter my room for the night unless the house is on fire or there is a medical emergency. That goes for the kids too but it never works out that way..


Why don't you do it the same night? :scratchhead: How old are your kids?

She might feel guilty about going out and leaving you but she shouldn't. Everyone's entitled to some time doing what they want to do. 

She might just like the idea of you having a social life. 

She might just want to have the house to herself once in awhile! 

I feel for you. It's hard for people who are sociable and don't like being by themselves to understand those who just want to be *left alone* and actually ENJOY their own company and don't need to be with other people. 

I often go away and do things on my own and the first thing most people ask is "All by yourself? Don't you get lonely?". It's almost as if they pity me. 

My reply is: I like being on my own and no, I don't get lonely. 

I understand about the whole "man cave" thing. Even as a woman, I like to be in my cave at times.

That said, you are married and if you want to remain that way make sure you come out of the cave at times and take your wife out for a night on the town regularly. It sounds like she wants you to be more social, especially with her. If she's complaining that you don't spend enough time with her when you are home that's a VERY strong signal that she's not happy. 

Don't forget: 2 weeks til Valentines Day!


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## Faithful Wife

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. It is very important for you to make and maintain friendships with males you respect.


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## anotherguy

Could be a number of things... that she wants to get you out of the house to get you out of the house..... to ease her guilt about going out herself... and also to make sure that you know you have 'permission' to go out - yeah, they think that way.

Alone time is important too... to varying degrees for everyone, but she may also be wondering if hibernating in your cave alone is the best use of your time. I am guessing you are not in there doing calculus or practicing music, but Im just guessing. So what is it? 'gaming', watching TV? Surfing porn? what?

Its OK.. you can tell us. We wont tell anyone. 

I have learned to trust the wierd perceptions and strange wisdom my wife posesses. If she suggests I go out, I would take it at face value. Sometimes - seems like even she doesnt know why she says and does some things - she winds up being right fairly often.


yeah.. and dont reach out for the 'self help' books just yet.


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## Faithful Wife

Why not reach for the books? I don't know anyone who can't use some self improvement.


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## 3Xnocharm

She may just want you to go out because that is a healthy thing to do. To get out and socialize some. She probably doesnt want you to become resentful that you are always "stuck" at home. If she goes out now and then, she realizes that it is healthy both for a relationship and as an individual to spend time doing your own thing with other people.


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## Mavash.

3Xnocharm said:


> it is healthy both for a relationship and as an individual to spend time doing your own thing with *other people*.


As defined by WHO? I'm a happy homebody. With 3 kids and a husband I have very little desire to go out with other people. I have friends yes but I don't go out with them. 

If I get free time I prefer to be alone. Of course that does mean I do have to leave the house because my kids would never leave me alone if I were home. LOL.


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## KeepLoveGrowing

Well, it's not clear to me if she wants you to go out when she is out, or if she is home while your in your man cave and wants you to go out. My thoughts are these:

- The guilt, as other people said, if she is out and you are home
- She feels that you need to socialize more for one reason or another.
- She would prefer you go out rather then lock yourself in your man cave. I myself would prefer my hubby leave the house then stay and lock himself away. Main reason being, trying to keep my son out of his room and get everyone to leave him alone is a battle all day. If he's gone, he's just gone, and I can do my own thing with my son and not worry about him getting disturbed.


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## alte Dame

She goes out and has a good time and sees that you don't have many friends and wants you to enjoy yourself, too. She probably thinks you are a bit lonely and doesn't want that for you.

If you explain (and you may have to be patient and explain this many times) that you prefer your alone time and that's just your personality, she may back off.


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## goodwife4

you sound like my hubby. i am very social person and he just wants to go into his cave ( in front of the TV) and would never care about going out ... EVER...
he actually hates being in large crowds too.

the thing is i would want him to get out because then i feel ok to ask for a night or 2 here and there..... maybe once every few months or so is all i do.
but he seems to only want to be with the TV ?!

everyone is different and his personality is not the same as mine. i have accepted that and as long as he has some time for the kids and us i dont mind if he doesnt go out...


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## Lon

OP, this here:


Toffer said:


> I think there could be a few dynamics here, most of which have been covered:
> 
> -She wants you to go out to ease her guilt of her weekly outings
> -She wants you to go out and spend time with other people to make you a little more "well rounded" and interesting.


She may not even be aware of it, but she is outright telling you that you are boring and losing her interest - you need to go out and do manly things and hone your competitive edge against other guys so you keep the testosterone level up and your passion for life. I was the same as you, still am, even after my marriage failed - I would love to go out and do more, but it is SO hard to get started, especially being a half-time single parent now, without a whole lot of cash to go out and blow on fun things.


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## ComicBookLady

Honestly it just sounds like she wants you to be with her while she enjoys life. Why? Because she loves you.

You need to appreciate her love of going out, and appreciate that she enjoys your presence so much that she wants you there with her.

She needs to appreciate that you prefer to stay in your mancave, and respect you're more comfortable there.

The answer? A talk where both of you discuss your needs and find a solution that works for both of you. Personally I would say that would include you going out with her on the occasions when it's extra important for her for you to be there (and go with as much enthusiasm as you can muster, show her you care and cherish her needs). For her side, she would leave you to be in your mancave when she feels that she can be okay without you. You need to trust each other not to take advantage of the situation and respect each others needs.

Doing this would build respect and a deeper caring of each other's differences.

Good luck! And I must say that you are very fortunate to have a wife who loves your company so much!


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## Enchanted

goodwife4 said:


> you sound like my hubby. i am very social person and he just wants to go into his cave ( in front of the TV) and would never care about going out ... EVER...
> he actually hates being in large crowds too.
> 
> the thing is i would want him to get out because then i feel ok to ask for a night or 2 here and there..... maybe once every few months or so is all i do.
> but he seems to only want to be with the TV ?!
> 
> everyone is different and his personality is not the same as mine. i have accepted that and as long as he has some time for the kids and us i dont mind if he doesnt go out...


I like staying home watching TV. I also have no desire to go out with friends. I enjoy talking to my best friend from HS on the phone a couple of times a week but going out at night is expensive. I'd rather put the money towards the mortgage.


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## chillymorn

so she can bang her boyfriend while your out?

If my wife kept pushing me to go out I'd be suspicious!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

I'm assuming your 'man cave' night is a DIFFERENT night than your wife's "girls night out" because your children are young enough to need adult supervision?

If they DON'T need supervision, man cave night should be the SAME night as girls night out


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## NewThingsGetOld

Lon said:


> OP, this here:
> 
> She may not even be aware of it, but she is outright telling you that you are boring and losing her interest - you need to go out and do manly things and hone your competitive edge against other guys so you keep the testosterone level up and your passion for life. I was the same as you, still am, even after my marriage failed - I would love to go out and do more, but it is SO hard to get started, especially being a half-time single parent now, without a whole lot of cash to go out and blow on fun things.


:iagree:


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## livnlearn

anotherguy said:


> yeah.. and dont reach out for the 'self help' books just yet.


 :iagree: 

OP..like anotherguy said...take what your wife said at face value. I've suggested my husband go out with people (male  ) after work or on a weekend. Not because I find him boring, not because I want to be able to go out (I never do), but just because he works really hard and when he isn't working he is all about the family. I love that he is this way, but feel like everyone can use a little change in routine sometimes. It's good for mental health. :smthumbup:


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## MrK

Just out of curiosity, please explain your wife's night out with her friends. Where do they go? What do they do? How late does she get home? Is there a lot of drinking? Are there men around?

Just curious.


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