# Making the Separation Happen



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

I am having difficulty visualizing how the divorce/separation happens. My concern is my wife may wish to milk it out as long as possible for financial reasons. Basically the longer she can stay in the house and the divorce is not final, I continue to foot the bill for everything open ended as opposed to an set alimony agreement.

I'd be fine just getting my own place, but that will probably just encourage her to squat in the house, which is actually solely my property. But I fear it will take the finalized divorce to get her out of my house and she may well seek the drag that on for a year or more which would pretty much guarantee that my life will be miserable and unproductive as long as that situation exists.

Any Thoughts?


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

do i understand that you are the sole owner of the property? 
have you cancelled all join credit cards?


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

According to your other post you have been married 20 years and she doesn't work. Is she working now? You have to pay the house payment whether she lives there or not. Give her time to get a job and save money so she can find a place to live. I don't blame her for wanting to stay in the house as long as she can. If you are the one who wants the divorce give her a lot of money so she can live on her own otherwise she needs to stay in the house until she has some money saved up.


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Happilymarried25 said:


> According to your other post you have been married 20 years and she doesn't work. Is she working now? You have to pay the house payment whether she lives there or not. Give her time to get a job and save money so she can find a place to live. I don't blame her for wanting to stay in the house as long as she can. If you are the one who wants the divorce give her a lot of money so she can live on her own otherwise she needs to stay in the house until she has some money saved up.


So the $400K for her split of assets and the probably $2200 a month she will get from me monthly for a few years is not enough to start a new life? My point is she will want to drag out the gravy train for as long as possible because she won't get the alimony forever.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

ScrambledEggs said:


> So the $400K for her split of assets and the probably $2200 a month she will get from from me monthly for a few years is not enough to start a new life? My point is she will want to drag out the gravy train for as long as possible because she won't get the alimony forever.



I'm sorry you are going through this. You are in a no-fault state?

Your wife committed adultery right? Do you have proof and have you talked to your lawyer about that?

It is kind of the nature of divorce that when it comes down to money things get ugly. Sorry, see an attorney right away.


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

It is a no fault state. I don't begrudge her any of the money or alimony. It is what it is. 

But she can work and has a degree so with a~$35k salaried job she would take home an amount equal what I do with the alimony.


----------



## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

I live in a no-fault state, however if there is infidelity the guilty party is not entitled to alimony. 

Since you don't care about that, go to a lawyer. If the house was in your name before you got married they can take steps to get her out of there sooner rather than later.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

ScrambledEggs said:


> I am having difficulty visualizing how the divorce/separation happens. My concern is my wife may wish to milk it out as long as possible for financial reasons. Basically the longer she can stay in the house and the divorce is not final, I continue to foot the bill for everything open ended as opposed to an set alimony agreement.
> 
> I'd be fine just getting my own place, but that will probably just encourage her to squat in the house, which is actually solely my property. But I fear it will take the finalized divorce to get her out of my house and she may well seek the drag that on for a year or more which would pretty much guarantee that my life will be miserable and unproductive as long as that situation exists.
> 
> Any Thoughts?


What does your lawyer say?


----------



## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

ScrambledEggs said:


> So the $400K for her split of assets and the probably $2200 a month she will get from me monthly for a few years is not enough to start a new life? My point is she will want to drag out the gravy train for as long as possible because she won't get the alimony forever.


Yes, I agree with you that is enough money to start a new life especially since it will be just her and no kids to support.


----------



## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

First thing first is that, especially if you have children, it's important to remain in your home. Safely and calmly. If you are in a one-party state it's time to get and acquaint yourself with a personal digital recorder. Know the law on its use and become an expert on its use. Avoid a DV charge at all cost.

Next it to remove someone who doesn't wish to leave. You're paying the bills. So you control the level of comfort. Immediately after service/filing. Cable and internet go. Cell phone goes(must maintain a land line with 911 access to avoid issues there). You now shop groceries or make available an appropriate amount of money for the necessities. Receipt review. Go to a hardware store and get a lockbox for the thermostat. Set it cold or hot to the point of discomfort but not so severe as to be deemed a hazard to health. You MAY NOT, in most states, remove your spouse from any insurances that they are currently on. But you don't have to put gas in her car either.

The above method isn't very nice. But its functional and a tactic of discomfort, never of harm. Always ensure safety and health needs are addressed.


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

kristin2349 said:


> I live in a no-fault state, however if there is infidelity the guilty party is not entitled to alimony.
> 
> Since you don't care about that, go to a lawyer. If the house was in your name before you got married they can take steps to get her out of there sooner rather than later.


I talked to a lawyer last year and its not that kind of state unfortunately. I think you are probably right, most of this is a question for a lawyer.


----------



## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Malpheous said:


> First thing first is that, especially if you have children, it's important to remain in your home. Safely and calmly. If you are in a one-party state it's time to get and acquaint yourself with a personal digital recorder. Know the law on its use and become an expert on its use. Avoid a DV charge at all cost.
> 
> Next it to remove someone who doesn't wish to leave. You're paying the bills. So you control the level of comfort. Immediately after service/filing. Cable and internet go. Cell phone goes(must maintain a land line with 911 access to avoid issues there). You now shop groceries or make available an appropriate amount of money for the necessities. Receipt review. Go to a hardware store and get a lockbox for the thermostat. Set it cold or hot to the point of discomfort but not so severe as to be deemed a hazard to health. You MAY NOT, in most states, remove your spouse from any insurances that they are currently on. But you don't have to put gas in her car either.
> 
> The above method isn't very nice. But its functional and a tactic of discomfort, never of harm. Always ensure safety and health needs are addressed.


No Kids.

Thanks this is helpful. I guess as long as things are comfortable for she will have no motivation to move on which, as you point out, I have to make things as uncomfortable as legal and safely possible which ought to guarantee as costly of divorce as possible, but maybe there is no helping that.


----------

