# Need Someone to Confide In



## marriedwithkids (Jul 1, 2009)

Been married 10 years with kids. As many married folk know it can be a roller coaster ride. I've got some issues and no one I feel I can talk to about it without feeling uncomfortable or for fear that things will slip out. Seems like everytime I tried to confide in one of my married friends, they eventually spill some beans to their wife who is friends with my wife and it comes back to bite me.

I recently discovered my wife is confiding in an old friend of hers (a guy) and practically writing a daily diary to him about how she feels, what she is doing. It has really left me feeling alone with no one to talk to.

I really think someone I don't know would be the best to talk to so I can get unbiased feedback.

If anyone is interested in 'hearing my story' please PM me. I don't feel comfortable posting my life's nitty gritty details in the public forums.

Someone preferably with similar background so they can relate, in their 30's or 40's, married or previously married with kids.

I'd be happy to return the favor and listen and give feedback too. NOT looking for a romance. Just someone to talk (type) to.

I put my thoughts on paper so be prepared to read 8 pages of soul spilling.


Thanks


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## momarazzi (Jul 1, 2009)

marriedwithkids said:


> Been married 10 years with kids. As many married folk know it can be a roller coaster ride. I've got some issues and no one I feel I can talk to about it without feeling uncomfortable or for fear that things will slip out. Seems like everytime I tried to confide in one of my married friends, they eventually spill some beans to their wife who is friends with my wife and it comes back to bite me.
> 
> I recently discovered my wife is confiding in an old friend of hers (a guy) and practically writing a daily diary to him about how she feels, what she is doing. It has really left me feeling alone with no one to talk to.
> 
> ...


Let me take a stab at this one. She's doing this on facebook, myspace, or another one of those networking sites, right? Or at least, that's how this whole "daily old friend" chatting got going...I betcha.

My husband and I decided from day 1 that those networking sites are nothing but trouble and I've personally seen one marriage fail just due to a networking site. It's like playing with fire! 

My husband and I are definitely having severe issues right now (that's why I'm on this site) but it's not facebook related.


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## DeniseK (Jun 25, 2009)

Facebook is Evil...I agree. So is myspace. It is too easy to let things get out of control and it seems like a victemless crime.....No. Good luck.


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## momarazzi (Jul 1, 2009)

DeniseK said:


> Facebook is Evil...I agree. So is myspace. It is too easy to let things get out of control and it seems like a victemless crime.....No. Good luck.


Well gee Im glad I'm not the only one who agrees with this. My SIL talks to her ex on facebook and it's obvious that they are flirting, and her husband gets LIVID about it. She wanted me to side with her, but I can't. 

I'm of the opinion that they are exes for a reason, and if you are in a marriage with someone it is disrespectful to converse with ex-lovers even in a what people call "friendly" level. Yeah, ok. You were once lovers -- the attraction can't just go away.

I stay far away!


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

This forum is not bad for letting out secrets and talking about troubling marriage issues. From what I can tell, there is no flirting going on here. I used to writing openly online a lot, and confiding in strangers online does build a relationship. As much as we fight it, the feelings will naturally develop. There is a lot of negativity directed at "emotional affairs" and it does sound like your wife is having one. Have you tried to ask her to write you her daily diary instead?


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Well, I could be HIS wife. My boyfriend of _when I was 16_ and in high school found my email address somewhere, somehow. It had been 31 YEARS and he found me! 

We have been communicating for about 7 YEARS now! He and I email back and forth regularily, he phones now and then. My dh knows. My old boyfriend found me for whatever reason.

But it is fun to have someone who used to live where I lived, talk about silly stuff. I even went to go see him the week my mother died. 

We aren't anything but old friends and it is nice to have him to talk with...his wife died about 18 months ago - she'd been sick a long, long time and I helped him deal with that, so sad, too. I have helped him through that, and now am helping him "date"! LOL. He tells me about various dating experiences at the age of 58, and my opinion on some of it...

SO, emailing back and forth isn't always an emotional affair....he is just someone I trust because we know each other from long ago...I know he isn't some weirdo...


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

DeniseK said:


> Facebook is Evil...I agree. So is myspace. It is too easy to let things get out of control and it seems like a victemless crime.....No. Good luck.


I STRONGLY disagree!!! It's the purpose for which you use it that is the problem!! If you're not "happy" you will always find a way to "connect" with someone else, whoever that is (old BF, new A or whatever). 

I use both (FB & MS) to keep in touch with friends and family. NOT looking to hook up! That's what places like aff are for! 

STOP blaming online resources for the problem! Fix your relationship!


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

A PM is asking for trouble. It is asking for the same kind of secrecy that the wife is up to.

The RIGHT thing to do is to confront her and to respectfully request that she respect your marriage enough to terminate the other relationship. 

Then, you both need to recommit to your marriage.

Your going outside the relationship is only tit-for-tat. It doesn't work. It only makes the gap between you larger.

I suspect you know this and are jealous that you don't have an outside confidante.

Bad strategy.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Sandy, you are deluding yourself. Please stop if you care about your marriage.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Go ahead and spill the beans. We're all ready to read. Heck, I've told way too much on here over the past year. Then I added the photo. Just don't add your photo and I think you'll be fine.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Yeah, we're all anonymous here.  

Except those of us who are confident in themselves and use their real name and pic. 

I don't have a problem with being myself...but some do.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Are you two serious? He's asking for a PM. 

While I can understand the desire, it isn't consistent with actually wanting to maintain the marriage.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

A PM won't help! He needs to say what he needs to say and work towards a consensus...you can't do that in a PM. That's what this forum is for.

I PM'd OITC and talked to him a couple of times on the phone. He was someone who needed to hear an actual voice. The OP needs to open up a bit before we can offer anything to him...

Otherwise...it sounds like a troll...


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## pnw_222 (Jul 12, 2009)

you can reach me on my yahoo messanger if you want to talk ive been through it and have four kids my hubbys confiding in a female aout our realationship.


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## MikeSushi (Jul 12, 2009)

oh man, you must have missed the part where chicks plot things and they really don't care about anyone but themselves. Women will replace any guy in 2 seconds with another guy. It's pandemic. I would just stay single and ....


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