# Ok ladies. Us men are simple



## jdesey

I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.

It's really that simple.


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## staarz21

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


Women are really simple, too.

Don't act like a d*ck. Happy woman for life.


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## jdesey

No no no. Women are complex. I'm not being a jerk. Just trying to help.


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## zzzman99

jdesey said:


> No no no. Women are complex. I'm not being a jerk. Just trying to help.


Don't back down. You are correct. Men are easy. Women are much more complex.


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## GusPolinski

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


I'd imagine that many women would have no problem w/ this at all, given the following...

1. Husband is successful enough in his career that he is able to fully meet the financial needs of his family, including not only month-to-month and day-to-day expenses, but also savings for incidentals, vacations, and other miscellaneous expenses, as well as healthcare and retirement benefits.

2. Husband is also able -- and willing! -- to pull his fair share of weight w/ respect to both parenting and household upkeep responsibilities.

3. Husband is loyal, loving, and respectful toward his wife.

Start to chip away at any of these things, and the time, energy, and willingness that a wife and mother will have to to give toward meeting her husband's needs will likely begin to erode in (at least) a proportional ratio.


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## jdesey

Well now your talking about how us men can make women happy. Those are good points.


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## GusPolinski

jdesey said:


> Well now your talking about how us men can make women happy. Those are good points.


The one flows into the other. Decrease the flow on one end and what comes back will likely be less.


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## katiecrna

If you want to be treated like a king, then treat me like a queen. 

If you want me to take care of you like your mother does, I will nag you and treat you like a child. 

If you want me to sexually fulfill you, then you have to romantically fulfill me.

Appreciate me, and I'll appreciate you.

Support me, and I'll support you.


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## jdesey

Let me expand. Those are all great points. My post was meant to be a message to the very very long posts I see from women that want to know why their man is distant, or won't forgive, or is angry etc.... 

My point is that women totally over think us men and complicate the hell out of it.


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## Holland

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


Who are you and why are you give out advice to ALL of us women? Your OP is very arrogant and dismissive of women in general.

As to your list of men's needs well sorry but I don't need a random to tell me this stuff, most of it is a no brainer.
However if that is all a man needs to be happy then he is not a good enough man for me. My man also needs to enjoy intelligent conversation, spending quality time together experiencing life's mysteries. He must enjoy cooking for me and our family and not just expect to be waited on.
He has to have goals and meet them. He has to be a very high EQ man.

The man you describe sounds a bit basic and uninteresting to me.


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## heartsbeating

Holland said:


> However if that is all a man needs to be happy then he is not a good enough man for me. My man also needs to enjoy intelligent conversation, spending quality time together experiencing life's mysteries. He must enjoy cooking for me and our family and not just expect to be waited on.
> He has to have goals and meet them. He has to be a very high EQ man.
> 
> The man you describe sounds a bit basic and uninteresting to me.


_wooo!_ Holland, haha.

My husband also wants me to challenge him, call out and help 'reality-check' decisions... not blow smoke up his ass. And he's a much better cook than me.


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## Lostme

Wow just wow. pffft

Mine wants more than his underwear washed and a meal tossed on the table with some sex.

Thank goodness or he would be pretty dang boring, and not compatable with me at all.


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## jdesey

OMG ladies. Looks like I hit a soft spot. You gals really don't understand us. The guys you are describing sounds like a list straight out of Cosmo magazine. Challenge us? Are you for real! Us men get plenty challenged enough in the work place. The last thing we need is you on our ass. 

And yes we can cook. But that's not the point. We want to be taken care of by our woman. 

Please if there is a guy reading this come to my defense.


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## Holland

jdesey said:


> OMG ladies. Looks like I hit a soft spot. * You gals really don't understand us*. The guys you are describing sounds like a list straight out of Cosmo magazine. Challenge us? Are you for real! Us men get plenty challenged enough in the work place. The last thing we need is you on our ass.
> 
> And yes we can cook. But that's not the point. We want to be taken care of by our woman.
> 
> Please if there is a guy reading this come to my defense.


I have no need to understand men I am not in a relationship with. As for my partner I understand him very well and it may surprise you that he does enjoy being challenged. He is super intelligent and engaged in life. He doesn't just come home and plonk on the couch waiting for his dinner. We do all sorts of interesting things together including debating topics while drinking wine, yes he loves to be challenged and heard, we both love this. 

Actually I don't think I know many men that fit your description in the OP, pretty much all the men I know are much more well balanced than what you have given as the description of men.


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## zzzman99

Why do people these days have to be offended by everything. OP was obviously presenting his opinion with a touch of humor in the first post. The only thing I'd disagree with is the washing and put away his clothes and his wording. 

It is a common statement to say that all men need is food, water, and sex to be happy and really it is true. Most of civilization exists because women want to live in nice houses and have nice things. Alot of guys could care less and would be happy living in trailer in an open field. But men like women, so there you go. 

Don't be so quick to take this as an affront to your gender. It's just a simple truth given with subtle humor.


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## jdesey

Thank you buddy finally a poster that gets it. Oh wait you're a guy so of course you get it.


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## Adelais

Ok jdesey.....not trying to be the grammar police, :nerd: but this is driving me crazy....it's "we" men, not "us" men. Only use "us" as the pronoun when it is the object of a preposition, or is a direct object. 

i.e. Give it *to us*. Or *Show us* the movie. But: *We are* cavemen.>

Otherwise, I think you are right about the basics that most men need to be happy! 

(However my husband also loves to cook, and he would be very unhappy if he wasn't given the opportunity to plan and cook a meal once in a while.)


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## jdesey

Geez ladies. I was just having some fun and you had to well... Be women about it. I actually just got a grammar lesson. 

Men are not as enlightened as you think. We are not women so stop trying to turn us into women.


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## Adelais

:grin2:


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## Redactus

Men are men. Women are women. Learn you respective places in the relationship. If there is any deviation, there will be problems. This is the way it was meant to be.


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## MEM2020

Gus,
This is close - maybe not quite specific enough. 

It's easy to interpret loving - too simply. 

I'd maybe describe it as: H needs to be the guy whose presence makes her feel good/better than his absence. The guy she wants to share her good, bad and average days with. 

He can be loving - but humorless. Or boring. Or overly talkative. Or overly quiet. 

So yes - she needs to feel safe around him. But also happy. And THAT is a huge deal. 

It is also where - women - being more socially tuned - tend to have higher standards than men do. 

For instance - women really KNOW what makes a good/great partner more so than men. 

A woman will marry and prize a decent looking fellow who is smart and a skilled conversationalist with a good sense of humor over a hot guy who lacks those traits. 

Men will often marry the more attractive woman who lacks a sense of humor about herself and life in general. 

And yes yes - everyone wants everything. But in a world of trade offs, I often see men make terrible trade offs to get the most attractive woman they can. 




GusPolinski said:


> I'd imagine that many women would have no problem w/ this at all, given the following...
> 
> 1. Husband is successful enough in his career that he is able to fully meet the financial needs of his family, including not only month-to-month and day-to-day expenses, but also savings for incidentals, vacations, and other miscellaneous expenses, as well as healthcare and retirement benefits.
> 
> 2. Husband is also able -- and willing! -- to pull his fair share of weight w/ respect to both parenting and household upkeep responsibilities.
> 
> 3. Husband is loyal, loving, and respectful toward his wife.
> 
> Start to chip away at any of these things, and the time, energy, and willingness that a wife and mother will have to to give toward meeting her husband's needs will likely begin to erode in (at least) a proportional ratio.


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## GusPolinski

MEM11363 said:


> Gus,
> This is close - maybe not quite specific enough.
> 
> It's easy to interpret loving - too simply.


That was intentional. The specifics can be whatever your relationship requires. And, honestly, the specifics are likely to vary -- sometimes subtly, other times wildly -- from one relationship to another.

So long as both the specific and and general points are touched upon in at least a satisfying manner (and, truthfully, "fulfilling" would be even better), all should be good.

Still...



MEM11363 said:


> I'd maybe describe it as: H needs to be the guy whose presence makes her feel good/better than his absence. The guy she wants to share her good, bad and average days with.
> 
> He can be loving - but humorless. Or boring. Or overly talkative. Or overly quiet.
> 
> So yes - she needs to feel safe around him. But also happy. And THAT is a huge deal.
> 
> It is also where - women - being more socially tuned - tend to have higher standards than men do.
> 
> For instance - women really KNOW what makes a good/great partner more so than men.


...you make good points.

Honestly, though, ^these^ are the things that one would expect would have already been worked out prior to *engagement*, let alone marriage.

I suppose that often enough, though, that doesn't happen.

I know that my wife would tell you that one of the first things that attracted her to me was my sense of humor.



MEM11363 said:


> A woman will marry and prize a decent looking fellow who is smart and a skilled conversationalist with a good sense of humor over a hot guy who lacks those traits.


Thank. God.

 



MEM11363 said:


> Men will often marry the more attractive woman who lacks a sense of humor about herself and life in general.
> 
> And yes yes - everyone wants everything. But in a world of trade offs, I often see men make terrible trade offs to get the most attractive woman they can.


Man... ain't that truth.

As a matter of fact, @VeryHurt's son is going through the Hell associated w/ this right now.

Better now than later, though.


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## Celes

I do believe men have simpler desires than women in a relationship. However, it doesn't mean they're entitled to any of them just because they're a man. There has to be give and take. I do the things listed in the OP, but my husband is also a wonderful man who fulfills my needs as well. 

The OP is basically just trying to lay blame on women for failed relationships. "Oh you just need to do x,y,z and everything will be better"'. It's a pretty ignorant statement. It's not that simple.


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## WorkingOnMe

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.



Um, speak for yourself.


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## aine

jdesey said:


> OMG ladies. Looks like I hit a soft spot. You gals really don't understand us. The guys you are describing sounds like a list straight out of Cosmo magazine. Challenge us? Are you for real! Us men get plenty challenged enough in the work place. The last thing we need is you on our ass.
> 
> And yes we can cook. But that's not the point. *We want to be taken care of by our woman. *
> 
> Please if there is a guy reading this come to my defense.


And what does the woman get?


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## citygirl4344

Celes said:


> The OP is basically just trying to lay blame on women for failed relationships. "Oh you just need to do x,y,z and everything will be better"'. It's a pretty ignorant statement. It's not that simple.



I don't think he's trying to lay blame on a woman for failed relationships. He's simply being a "man" and dumbing it down to the simplest levels. He has a point where women do overthink and men tend not to. It is true. At least in my opinion. 

The one thing your comment did do OP was raise a good debate. 



Sent from my iPhone


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## joannacroc

jdesey said:


> OMG ladies. Looks like I hit a soft spot. You gals really don't understand us. The guys you are describing sounds like a list straight out of Cosmo magazine. Challenge us? Are you for real! Us men get plenty challenged enough in the work place. The last thing we need is you on our ass.
> 
> And yes we can cook. But that's not the point. We want to be taken care of by our woman.
> 
> Please if there is a guy reading this come to my defense.


Have you ever seen the movie Coming to America? There's a part in the beginning when the Prince character (Eddie Murphy) is meeting prospective brides, and the woman he is talking to is a yes-man. He tries to get to know her and asks her "what do you like to do?" and she says "whatever you enjoy doing." He asks her "what's your favorite food?" and she responds "whatever you enjoy eating." The conversation continues in this vein. 

His every desire is fulfilled as prince and then some, but he still wants a woman who is more than just a beautiful yes-man. (yes woman?) That's why he travels to Queens and meets a woman with a little more substance. Assuming you want more than that out of a woman, the conversations the women are describing when they say challenging their husbands are NOT nagging or criticizing, but rather offering a different perspective on whatever topics you guys are discussing. Unless you really just want a woman who says "yes dear" to everything. But that sounds a little Stepford Wife-y. To remove gender from it, I don't want a guy who blanket praises everything about me. I want one who gives genuine compliments, but still challenges my outlook. Otherwise I'm just dating a male version of me. Does that make more sense to you?


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## joannacroc

Redactus said:


> Men are men. Women are women. Learn you respective places in the relationship. If there is any deviation, there will be problems. This is the way it was meant to be.


Did you actually just say "know your place" in a roundabout way? I'm all for more traditional gender roles on occasion, but this is crazy to me. The world just rotated backwards on its axis to the 19th century.


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## Livvie

jdesey said:


> Geez ladies. I was just having some fun and you had to well... Be women about it. I actually just got a grammar lesson.
> 
> Men are not as enlightened as you think. We are not women so stop trying to turn us into women.


I disagree with the theory in the OP.

SOME men have emotional and behavioral issues/baggage/ triggers and demand a woman to jump through hoops and subvert herself as a human (codependent abusive) in order to be happy with them, and can be more complex than the average woman.

They aren't as rare as you think.


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## Personal

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


Boring!

I have no desire to be spoon fed, nor do I require a woman to wash my clothes or put them away either.

As to often telling a man he's the best, how insecure, insipid and needy do you think men are or ought to be?

When it comes to sex I prefer to lead, on the other hand since I kind of hate texting, sexting isn't going to charm me either.

Although I am a happy guy, I would hate to be in a sexual relationship with a woman who practiced what you preach.

Not all men want what you want, it's really that simple.


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## lifeistooshort

See my as a little kid while you're taking care of me like my mommy but then immediately switch to seeing me like a man so you can fvck me like a pornstar.

And make sure you at least pretend to like it like said pornstar so my ego doesn't get hurt.

Got it.

Good thing my hb doesn't need me to take care of him, he does his own laundry.....probably why I actually do want to screw his brains out.

Men who are helpless and need mommy to take care of them are the biggest turnoffs out there.


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## always_alone

I always find it hilarious when guys say they are "so simple" to make happy, and then demand this whole list of services: cook, maid, prostitute, cheerleader.

That's, ike 4 jobs rolled into one. What's simple about that?


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## staarz21

It isn't true. If men were that simple, most of us women wouldn't be here with the issues we have in our relationships. I did all of those things and more for my H because I took on the domestic role in our relationship. I enjoyed it. It made me happy to do things for him and see him happy (or so I thought). Hot meals, check. Sex with me initiating, check (so much so that he told me I had to stop because I wanted too much sex...of course, I was competing with his porn...so). Laundry done, check. Kids cared for, check. Toned up and in incredible shape after 3 kids, check. I take that sh*t seriously. I love football, so I would go all out on Saturday's and Sunday's for games. Etc, Etc, .... I remember I text him how horny I was once and he replied back with, "did the dog get his medicine yet?" Yeah, he's a real winner. 

Is my H happy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Why? Who the hell knows? He just isn't. He has everything he ever wanted and he's not satisfied because he is an @sshole who can't be satisfied. 

So please, tell me how easy it is again? 

Get out of here with that crap.


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## Married but Happy

always_alone said:


> I always find it hilarious when guys say they are "so simple" to make happy, and then demand this whole list of services: cook, maid, prostitute, cheerleader.
> 
> That's, ike 4 jobs rolled into one. What's simple about that?


She doesn't have to do all those jobs, as long as she can role play them sometimes. We can share the real cooking and cleaning.


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## NobodySpecial

Personal said:


> Boring!
> 
> I have no desire to be spoon fed, nor do I require a woman to wash my clothes or put them away either.
> 
> As to often telling a man he's the best, how insecure, insipid and needy do you think men are or ought to be?
> 
> When it comes to sex I prefer to lead, on the other hand since I kind of hate texting, sexting isn't going to charm me either.
> 
> Although I am a happy guy, I would hate to be in a sexual relationship with a woman who practiced what you preach.
> 
> Not all men want what you want, it's really that simple.


Will you marry me? Oh wait. I am already married.


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## Vega

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


I think my IQ just dropped 20 points...


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## ScrambledEggs

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


No I don't think it is that simple. 

First of all, people are programmed to want more as soon as they get what they want. There is even a biological drive for men to seek out variety in mates. So if a man is to be happy the most essential ingredient is his decision to be happy.

Second, it is not enough to tell him he is the best, it has to be authentic. Women must choose a men that they respects and admire and that man has to keep on being respectable and admirable through the whole marriage. What a woman should respect goes back to her values, which vary widely in our culture.

Initiate sex? I am skeptical that this is major pivot point for happiness of men in general and is more your preference. I usually initiate sex, but who does is not terribly important to me. That my partner is responsive --often-- to me during the whole 3 part act is. 

Finally, there is the more nuanced aspects of companionship that others have brought up that I have to agree with. 

Apologies for the how condescending this will sound, but the original post seems to lack life experience. Especially experience getting what you think you want.


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## always_alone

Married but Happy said:


> She doesn't have to do all those jobs, as long as she can role play them sometimes.


Meh, I really don't think I could be with a guy who thought servitude was sexy, even as a game. But obviously that's just me


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## NobodySpecial

always_alone said:


> Meh, I really don't think I could be with a guy who thought servitude was sexy, even as a game. But obviously *that's just me*


Not so much.


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## ScrambledEggs

staarz21 said:


> It isn't true. If men were that simple, most of us women wouldn't be here with the issues we have in our relationships. I did all of those things and more for my H because I took on the domestic role in our relationship. I enjoyed it. It made me happy to do things for him and see him happy (or so I thought). Hot meals, check. Sex with me initiating, check (so much so that he told me I had to stop because I wanted too much sex...of course, I was competing with his porn...so). Laundry done, check. Kids cared for, check. Toned up and in incredible shape after 3 kids, check. I take that sh*t seriously. I love football, so I would go all out on Saturday's and Sunday's for games. Etc, Etc, .... I remember I text him how horny I was once and he replied back with, "did the dog get his medicine yet?" Yeah, he's a real winner.
> 
> Is my H happy? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> Why? Who the hell knows? He just isn't. He has everything he ever wanted and he's not satisfied because he is an @sshole who can't be satisfied.
> 
> So please, tell me how easy it is again?
> 
> Get out of here with that crap.


This perfectly makes my point. If anyone does not make the simple choice to be happy, they won't be happy.


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## Married but Happy

always_alone said:


> Meh, I really don't think I could be with a guy who thought servitude was sexy, even as a game. But obviously that's just me


That's okay, @always_alone. I prefer intelligent women with a sense of humor. You wouldn't qualify.


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## MEM2020

Gus,
Yes. Though - I found a site a while back that was simply terrific. It described what most women actually value. Not what they 'say' they value. What they really value based on observable behavior. 

It won't surprise you. It didn't me. I did find it to be an excellent confirmation of what I've observed anecdotally. 

Where To Start If You?re Lost With Women, Part 3: What Are Women Attracted To? | MatingGrounds





GusPolinski said:


> That was intentional. The specifics can be whatever your relationship requires. And, honestly, the specifics are likely to vary -- sometimes subtly, other times wildly -- from one relationship to another.
> 
> So long as both the specific and and general points are touched upon in at least a satisfying manner (and, truthfully, "fulfilling" would be even better), all should be good.
> 
> Still...
> 
> 
> 
> ...you make good points.
> 
> Honestly, though, ^these^ are the things that one would expect would have already been worked out prior to *engagement*, let alone marriage.
> 
> I suppose that often enough, though, that doesn't happen.
> 
> I know that my wife would tell you that one of the first things that attracted her to me was my sense of humor.
> 
> 
> 
> Thank. God.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Man... ain't that truth.
> 
> As a matter of fact, @VeryHurt's son is going through the Hell associated w/ this right now.
> 
> Better now than later, though.


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## heartsbeating

jdesey said:


> Challenge us? Are you for real! Us men get plenty challenged enough in the work place. The last thing we need is you on our ass.


hahah



jdesey said:


> Please if there is a guy reading this come to my defense.


Welcome to the Ladies Lounge


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## MEM2020

Ditto for me. 

Sexting does zero for me. 

I like it when M2 dresses nice because she has a great sense of style and a fit - rockin - body. 

As far as admiration goes - you need to do something pretty damn good to produce that response from her - she has high standards. I like it that way. 

Random and frequent adoration would make me feel claustrophobic....




Personal said:


> Boring!
> 
> I have no desire to be spoon fed, nor do I require a woman to wash my clothes or put them away either.
> 
> As to often telling a man he's the best, how insecure, insipid and needy do you think men are or ought to be?
> 
> When it comes to sex I prefer to lead, on the other hand since I kind of hate texting, sexting isn't going to charm me either.
> 
> Although I am a happy guy, I would hate to be in a sexual relationship with a woman who practiced what you preach.
> 
> Not all men want what you want, it's really that simple.


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## T&T

jdesey said:


> OMG ladies. Looks like I hit a soft spot. You gals really don't understand us. Please if there is a guy reading this come to my defense.


LMAO! You stepped in it now!

SOME guys are simple, but then there are many that are very complicated. 

You just can't paint the entire male population with the same brush. :wink2:


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## jdesey

Wow. This was just supposed to be a fun little post and it looks like I set off the biggest debate in male female history. This is actually fun reading all the posts. 

Everyone just lighten up. Reading a lot of these posts it's no wonder why people struggle with relationships. It doesn't have to be so damn serious. 

Keep it simple. And I'm standing my ground. We are all simple. its society and media that complicate the hell out of it.


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## 225985

always_alone said:


> I always find it hilarious when guys say they are "so simple" to make happy, and then demand this whole list of services: cook, maid, prostitute, cheerleader.
> 
> That's, like 4 jobs rolled into one. What's simple about that?


4 jobs in 1? I have 4 people doing this for me. Where can I find one that does it all?


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## 225985

jdesey said:


> Reading a lot of these posts it's *no wonder why people struggle with relationships. * It doesn't have to be so damn serious.


Yeah, and you have it all under control in your household, right?


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## Personal

jdesey said:


> Everyone just lighten up. Reading a lot of these posts it's no wonder why people struggle with relationships. It doesn't have to be so damn serious.
> 
> Keep it simple. And I'm standing my ground. We are all simple. its society and media that complicate the hell out of it.


There are a number of posters in this discussion who have terrific relationships as do I, so I'd like to know how is your approach working out for you?


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## WonkyNinja

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


If you had left out the sex part then "all you" women would be just as well off with a Labrador or a Golden Retriever.

In actual fact if that is his outlook on a relationship then I think "all you" women might prefer the Lab or Retriever for that as well. At least the dog would enjoy the cuddle afterwards.


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## Blondilocks

I should have guessed that the OP was woman-less. Keep dreamin'!


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## jdesey

Damn. This was supposed to be FUN. Ok. So let's go all Dr Phil then. 

so let's get serious. Ok ladies what do you do to make your man happy? Since my ideas seem to have pissed all of you off.


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## always_alone

blueinbr said:


> 4 jobs in 1? I have 4 people doing this for me. Where can I find one that does it all?


Exactly!


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## always_alone

Married but Happy said:


> That's okay, @always_alone. I prefer intelligent women with a sense of humor. You wouldn't qualify.


Well that's certainly true. Because having a sense of humor on TAM always involves asserting stereotypes, and anyone who says anything that might remotely challenge a sterotype couldn"t possibly ever have said anything lighthearted or tongue-in-cheek, or even with sarcasm.

Unfortunately I can't keep up with all the strict rules around here.


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## Blondilocks

jdesey said:


> Damn. This was supposed to be FUN. Ok. So let's go all Dr Phil then.
> 
> so let's get serious. Ok ladies what do you do to make your man happy? Since my ideas seem to have pissed all of you off.


I don't think you pissed anyone off. It was more of a reaction to a simplistic recipe for a happy man. 

Every man is different; therefore, what women do to make their man happy is different. Some men might go ga-ga if their wife polishes their shoes, or makes their favorite cookie or whatever. 

The trick is to know your man well enough that you know what he'll sincerely appreciate. The stuff you pointed out is merely taking care of the basic needs. If that is all you want, fine.


----------



## Blondilocks

Married but Happy said:


> That's okay, @always_alone. I prefer intelligent women with a sense of humor. You wouldn't qualify.


Wow, what a nasty post.


----------



## Miss Independent

jdesey said:


> . Ok ladies what do you do to make your man happy? .



Breathe. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Mr The Other

GusPolinski said:


> I'd imagine that *many* women would have no problem w/ this at all, given the following...
> 
> 1. Husband is successful enough in his career that he is able to fully meet the financial needs of his family, including not only month-to-month and day-to-day expenses, but also savings for incidentals, vacations, and other miscellaneous expenses, as well as healthcare and retirement benefits.
> 
> 2. Husband is also able -- and willing! -- to pull his fair share of weight w/ respect to both parenting and household upkeep responsibilities.
> 
> 3. Husband is loyal, loving, and respectful toward his wife.
> 
> Start to chip away at any of these things, and the time, energy, and willingness that a wife and mother will have to to give toward meeting her husband's needs will likely begin to erode in (at least) a proportional ratio.


The many is important. 

What you outline is a decent understanding. The problems will be when both do not keep up their end through circumstance (job loss, illness) or lack of will.


----------



## Married but Happy

Blondilocks said:


> Wow, what a nasty post.


Glad you noticed, @Blondilocks. When someone is nasty to me, I may respond in kind. When they make unwarranted assumptions and snide remarks, they can expect the favor returned. On the other hand, when someone is kind to me, or asks a sincere question that does not include passive aggressive nastiness, I will respond kindly to them, as well.


----------



## Holland

jdesey said:


> Wow. This was just supposed to be a fun little post *and it looks like I set off the biggest debate in male female history.* This is actually fun reading all the posts.
> 
> Everyone just lighten up. Reading a lot of these posts it's no wonder why people struggle with relationships. It doesn't have to be so damn serious.
> 
> Keep it simple. And I'm standing my ground. We are all simple. its society and media that complicate the hell out of it.


TFF, really this is the biggest M/F debate in history you think. Sort of guessing you are very, very young.

As for struggling in our relationships, well I am with a man that is not a simpleton and our relationship is nothing short of amazing. I actually do his washing, cook for him and enjoy a 10 times per week and more sex life.
The really funny thing is that if he were a simpleton we would not have the relationship we do have.

You might think you are funny but the joke is actually on you.


----------



## lifeistooshort

jdesey said:


> Damn. This was supposed to be FUN. Ok. So let's go all Dr Phil then.
> 
> so let's get serious. Ok ladies what do you do to make your man happy? Since my ideas seem to have pissed all of you off.


I do a lot of things to make him happy. What he does for me, among other things, is act like a grown man who doesn't need mommy to take care of him. 

Because of that I continue to want to do things for him. That's how partnerships work. 

I notice you mention on your other thread that your lady isn't so interested in sex with you these days. Might that be because you want her to take care of you like your mother? That's not very attractive to a woman. 

Just something to think about. If it doesn't apply then ignore it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lateralus

jdesey said:


> OMG ladies. Looks like I hit a soft spot. You gals really don't understand us. The guys you are describing sounds like a list straight out of Cosmo magazine. Challenge us? Are you for real! Us men get plenty challenged enough in the work place. The last thing we need is you on our ass.


I will agree that we are challenged plenty in the workplace, and don't want it at home. "Challenge" is the wrong word for them to use. "Encourage" would be far more appropriate. I have no interest in being challenged by a woman. But I cherish encouragement. I think sometimes women confuse the two, and expect a challenge to be interpreted by us as encouragement, when in reality we interpret a challenge for what it actually is: a challenge.

Approach is key.



> And yes we can cook. But that's not the point. We want to be taken care of by our woman.


Not me. I don't want a woman to "take care" of me (don't need one to, either). I want her to be a great partner who can walk beside me in life. In other words, I want her to _take care of herself_.



> Please if there is a guy reading this come to my defense.


I can only defend the parts that apply to me.


----------



## Mr The Other

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


Most of the time, yes. And pretty much all the time with the majority of men who are reasonable and decent. But this level of understanding you can get from memes on Facebook. Often people come on here when things are not straight forward and a little more insight is required.


----------



## Mr The Other

always_alone said:


> I always find it hilarious when guys say they are "so simple" to make happy, and then demand this whole list of services: cook, maid, prostitute, cheerleader.
> 
> That's, ike 4 jobs rolled into one. What's simple about that?


Yes. All men demand that. 

Except, that is clearly nonsense.


----------



## jdesey

Again I am amazed after another day of replies. For gods sake. The original post wast meant to be in jest. Half serious but not really. 

How this turned so negative says a lot for the posters that went there. No need to attack me. 

I hope all of you find or have found happiness in your relationship.


----------



## Mr The Other

jdesey said:


> Again I am amazed after another day of replies. For gods sake. The original post wast meant to be in jest. Half serious but not really.
> 
> How this turned so negative says a lot for the posters that went there. No need to attack me.
> 
> I hope all of you find or have found happiness in your relationship.


May I recommend:
www.facebook.com


----------



## heartsbeating

lateralus said:


> I will agree that we are challenged plenty in the workplace, and don't want it at home. "Challenge" is the wrong word for them to use.


Challenge is the word I used (not 'them') and my husband appreciates when I challenge him. He knows and trusts my intention. As I appreciate when he challenges me also. It is not interchangeable with the type of challenges either of us experience at work. We have both gained greatly from challenging each others perspectives. It could be a reality-check, it could be demonstrating the belief we have of one another that on occasion outweighs our belief in self. 

There is mutual respect as well as encouragement and support.


----------



## Holland

heartsbeating said:


> Challenge is the word I used (not 'them') and my husband appreciates when I challenge him. He knows and trusts my intention. As I appreciate when he challenges me also. It is not interchangeable with the type of challenges either of us experience at work. We have both gained greatly from challenging each others perspectives. It could be a reality-check, it could be demonstrating the belief we have of one another that on occasion outweighs our belief in self.
> 
> There is mutual respect as well as encouragement and support.


Challenge in this sense can be a really positive aspect of a healthy, well balanced relationship. To challenge is not the same as encouraging, actually they are very different.

I encourage Mr H often if it is genuine. We both challenge each other in a really positive way that has helped us grow as a couple. We talk a lot about current affairs, issues in life, we go to movies, plays and other events and then discuss them. We agree some of the time but other times we do not agree however we are both comfortable discussing our different beliefs and do so in a respectful and at times playful way. 
If people are confident in their opinions and respectful of the others POV then it is a positive not a negative aspect.

Mr H has a very demanding career and is challenged often by his role and his colleagues, it can be exhausting for him as it is often conflict with people that have only their own best interests at heart. He comes home to a calm and happy home, to a woman that adores him and is on his side. He would hate for me to be a bland "yes woman".


----------



## always_alone

lateralus said:


> I think sometimes women confuse the two, and expect a challenge to be interpreted by us as encouragement, when in reality we interpret a challenge for what it actually is: a challenge.


LOL. I can assure you that women do know the difference.

(That was a challenge. Not encouragement.)

I agree, however, that there are quite a lot of men who really can't bear being challenged by women, and want nothing to do with this sort of challenge in their life.

It's just a shame when these men purport to speak for all men.


----------



## EllisRedding

always_alone said:


> Meh, I really don't think I could be with a guy who thought servitude was sexy, even as a game. But obviously that's just me


Agreed, tired of having to play the Sexy Maid ...


----------



## Pluto2

OP, go marry friggin' Donna Reed. This isn't the 50's.


----------



## EllisRedding

staarz21 said:


> Women are really simple, too.
> 
> Don't act like a d*ck. Happy woman for life.


Lol agreed. Actually even better:

Don't act like a d*ck to each other. Respect each other, listen to each other, understand each others needs, compromise, understand that at times your needs take priority and other times your SOs needs take priority, etc...



> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.


As far as the OP, IDK, if both people in the relationship share those ideals then great. I would definitely not generalize that across all men though.

I have no need for my wife to feed me. I get home late each night, all I care about is getting the kids to bed so my W and I can spend even a few minutes together. My dinner most nights consists of some combination of protein shakes, bowls of ice cream, and pretzels (some times all 3  ). My W is currently a SAHM so laundry does fall mostly on her which is fair, but I have no issues helping out. I have no issues with getting positive comments, but it should flow both ways (and honestly telling me I am the best constantly starts to lose any value, even though I know for a fact it is true  ). Sexting, no thanks. Also don't need my W to put on a broadway show every time we have sex, seems like only something someone who is insecure would need. Definitely don't need my W to take care of me (she gets pissed at me b/c when I am sick I don't tell her and try to go about the day as normal lol).

So what does this all mean, who knows, each guy is different I guess, what may make one guy happy doesn't mean it makes the next guy happy.


----------



## LaundryMan

OP, the fact that you think this thread was supposed to be "fun" just shows how little you understand both women AND other men. I, for one, am a hell of a lot more complicated than your first post suggests. If all I wanted was a clean house, food, and sex, I'd live with my mother and pay for prostitutes. I am VERY MUCH different from what you think of other men, so I'd appreciate it if you spoke only for yourself.


----------



## EllisRedding

LaundryMan said:


> OP, the fact that you think this thread was supposed to be "fun" just shows how little you understand both women AND other men. I, for one, am a hell of a lot more complicated than your first post suggests. If all I wanted was a clean house, food, and sex, I'd live with my mother and pay for prostitutes. I am VERY MUCH different from what you think of other men, so I'd appreciate it if you spoke only for yourself.


Based on your username I am assuming you are not looking for a woman to wash and put away your clothes :grin2:


----------



## GettingIt_2

jdesey said:


> so let's get serious. Ok ladies what do you do to make your man happy?


I ask him how I can make him happy, listen carefully, and then do it.

He uses the same method for me. 

Works pretty well. I recommend it.


----------



## Vega

jdesey said:


> Again I am amazed after another day of replies. For gods sake. The original post wast meant to be in jest. *Half serious but not really*.


Maybe the responses you're getting are from the "half serious but not really" crowd...


----------



## nirvana

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


Exactly.
And women don't even need to do all of the above.
Just screwing our brains out will achieve 60% of your goal. Feeding us is next, and tell us we are awesome. You are already at 99%.

I don't mind wearing my dirty clothes.


----------



## nirvana

katiecrna said:


> If you want to be treated like a king, then treat me like a queen.
> 
> If you want me to take care of you like your mother does, I will nag you and treat you like a child.
> 
> If you want me to sexually fulfill you, then you have to romantically fulfill me.
> 
> Appreciate me, and I'll appreciate you.
> 
> Support me, and I'll support you.


I agree in general, but I don't want my wife to treat me like my mother does. But she sTILL nags the hell out of me.


----------



## Steve1000

katiecrna said:


> If you want me to sexually fulfill you, then you have to romantically fulfill me.


Quite a few men are actually more romantic than women.


----------



## Steve1000

I would say that because everyone is different, it is important for all of us to learn and pay attention to the specific needs that your specific spouse has if you want them to be happy.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Steve1000 said:


> Quite a few men are actually more romantic than women.


My husband is WAY more romantic than I am. Love it.


----------



## Steve1000

NobodySpecial said:


> My husband is WAY more romantic than I am. Love it.


My wife is WAY less romantic than I am. Not loving it....


----------



## NobodySpecial

Steve1000 said:


> My wife is WAY less romantic than I am. Not loving it....


Yah I have to be careful to reciprocate. I wish it came more naturally to me for his sake.


----------



## WorkingWife

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


I believe it is that simple. But what I feel compelled to explain to you is that a lot of women do all that, and the man takes that as a sign that he can behave any way he wants and wifey will just keep doting on him. Those men take their happy life and wonderful wife for granted, screw around on them anyhow, dismiss their desires and concerns, and basically wear them the hell out and then the guy is just so baffled when his once adoring wife who used to cook and clean and initiate hot sex and seem to admire him to the ends of the earth can barely stand to look at him anymore.

But hey, I'm not bitter... ;-)


----------



## WorkingWife

Steve1000 said:


> Quite a few men are actually more romantic than women.


So I've read.


----------



## WorkingWife

nirvana said:


> I agree in general, but I don't want my wife to treat me like my mother does. But she sTILL nags the hell out of me.


Did she always nag, or did this develop over the years?

How to deal with a quarrelsome and nagging wife:
How to Deal with a Quarrelsome and Nagging Wife by Willard F. Harley, Jr.


----------



## nirvana

Steve1000 said:


> Quite a few men are actually more romantic than women.


Good point. I think I am more romantic than my wife. I do things for her that would fall under this category. Granted, I can do much more, but I do something. My wife does nothing that makes me happy. She does things that makes her happy for me like making me vegetable juice and ironing my clothes (except when she mad at me). I don't really care much about those things. 

What I want doesn't cost money or effort. Just some heart. She never appreciates anything I do and is always telling me how lucky I am to have a wife like her who does this and that and blah blah. I say yes, I am lucky and I openly say so, but she never says anything back to me. If women love compliments, men love them too (from people who matter). I pride myself on my financial savvy and all I have heard is her whining and pointing to those people who spend big (but have racked up debts that are not openly visible).

This cuts both ways. The only thing I can see is women after kids don't crave for sex like men do. So it becomes leverage.


----------



## nirvana

WorkingWife said:


> Did she always nag, or did this develop over the years?
> 
> How to deal with a quarrelsome and nagging wife:
> How to Deal with a Quarrelsome and Nagging Wife by Willard F. Harley, Jr.


She has a tendency to look at the negative side of things. Grass is always greener elsewhere. She has so much if you objectively look at it, but will pick that 1 thing that her friend has that she doesn't and nullify everything she has. Once she gets that thing, she looks to the next thing to complain about. The latest is Disney trip. The previous was iPhone 6S. Then she will tell me how she isn't materialistic. 

Her nagging was tolerable or negligible when we got married and before kids. After kids, she took on the "I am a mom. I am awesome, you are not" persona and nags about everything. I ask her why and she says she would not nag if I did what she told me to do. What about her doing what I want her to do? Like keeping the house and her car tidy? I want to puke when I step in her car. She eats lunch in there when she is working and leaves the containers on the floor mats and they accumulate. She lets the kids throw garbage in there. Her excuse is "all cars with kids are that way... go and check". My car is pristine in comparison.

Whoever said that men are untidy and women are not need to come to my house.


----------



## nirvana

I think American women have passed this stage in the 70s or so, but Indian women are entering this phase of feminism where they think they can get away by ordering their husbands around, being bullies and b***ches in general. American women probably did this in the 70s and the pendulum has come back so this may not be much of a problem. I increasingly hear about how awful Indian women are these days because they think they can do whatever they want and hide behind feminism and accuse people of being MCPs or sexists.


----------



## nirvana

Steve1000 said:


> My wife is WAY less romantic than I am. Not loving it....


I want to take her to a movie (just me and her). And all she can talk about us ALL going to Zootopia "with the kids". She is on her super mom mode all the time and expects me to clap and give her kudos. 

Her sister is her opposite. She enjoys life and does things to keep herself happy. On the flip side, she neglects her kids somewhat. But she is more of a fun person to be with while my wife comes across as boring and SAHMy (no offence) even though she is working for 20 months. 

Once I told her that I was more similar to her sister than to her and she didn't like it ha ha


----------



## WorkingWife

nirvana said:


> She does things that makes her happy for me like making me vegetable juice and ironing my clothes (except when she mad at me). I don't really care much about those things.


I hate when people do that -- do something to make them feel better, and pretend it is for you and what, you're supposed to be so grateful? Did you ask for juice? NO. You asked for a hug (or whatever). But you're supposedly obligated to show gratitude for the fact that they took it upon themselves to do what they felt you needed more than what you have stated you need. 

So let's see - you are obligated to thank them for:
1. Being passive aggressive.
2. Knowing better than you what is best for you (condescending/judgmental)
3. Not listening/caring about what is actually important to you. (Unloving/indifferent)
4. "Sacrificing" to give you something you don't want.

Oh, and you must overlook the things you do want that they're not able/willing to do 'cause they're so busy juicing (or whatever) for you...

I think it's very self-serving and manipulative.


----------



## NobodySpecial

nirvana said:


> I think American women have passed this stage in the 70s or so, but Indian women are entering this phase of feminism where they think they can get away by ordering their husbands around, being bullies and b***ches in general. American women probably did this in the 70s and the pendulum has come back so this may not be much of a problem. I increasingly hear about how awful Indian women are these days because they think they can do whatever they want and hide behind feminism and accuse people of being MCPs or sexists.


It is not about American women or Indian women. It is about your wife being an entitled beotch. I am sorry you are still in this place.


----------



## nirvana

WorkingWife said:


> I hate when people do that -- do something to make them feel better, and pretend it is for you and what, you're supposed to be so grateful? Did you ask for juice? NO. You asked for a hug (or whatever). But you're supposedly obligated to show gratitude for the fact that they took it upon themselves to do what they felt you needed more than what you have stated you need.
> 
> So let's see - you are obligated to thank them for:
> 1. Being passive aggressive.
> 2. Knowing better than you what is best for you (condescending/judgmental)
> 3. Not listening/caring about what is actually important to you. (Unloving/indifferent)
> 4. "Sacrificing" to give you something you don't want.
> 
> I think it's very self-serving and manipulative.


That's what I am saying. Veg juice obviously helps for health and she takes care of all of us well. And I have effusively praised and thanked her for that.

I am a hugger and kisser. Not of strangers, but of my family. My wife seems to be the type who just likes praise and sweet words (even if untrue) and not really hugs and kisses. My wife used to adore her dad who has a glib tongue and flatters people all the time. I dislike it but obviously she grew up on it. My little daughter is like me, she comes and grabs my legs and I lift her and she is always giving me "huggies and kissies".

At times I think I give her a weapon to control me with. If I made it clear that I didn't give a sheet about her validation, then she would not manipulate me.

I think the kids are her priority and I am way way down in her list. Of course if I say this to her, she will claim credit that she is such a good mom and I should be happy that my kids have a mom who takes care of them so well unlike X, Y and Z. All very manipulative and sounds like her scumbag dad. BTW the old man is visiting us next month.  He talks big about women's lib and sends us crap on Whatsapp every day about how awesome women are, how giving they are etc etc while treating his own wife (my MIL) like a slave and not letting her bloom.


----------



## nirvana

NobodySpecial said:


> It is not about American women or Indian women. It is about your wife being an entitled beotch. I am sorry you are still in this place.


Well, the environment you grow up in matters. American women had economic freedom in the 60s or so. Indian women from the mid 90s somewhat and from the 2000s even more so. So while this is not a race thing, it is an environment thing.

I don't things will change much. She needs to get an epiphany and change herself. I just hope for that day. I curse myself for letting her be a SAHM for 14 years. She got to enjoy the kids when they were small and I did not. She should have been working for a salary like me (and her sister).


----------



## NobodySpecial

nirvana said:


> That's what I am saying. Veg juice obviously helps for health and she takes care of all of us well. And I have effusively praised and thanked her for that.
> 
> I am a hugger and kisser. Not of strangers, but of my family. My wife seems to be the type who just likes praise and sweet words (even if untrue) and not really hugs and kisses. My wife used to adore her dad who has a glib tongue and flatters people all the time. I dislike it but obviously she grew up on it. My little daughter is like me, she comes and grabs my legs and I lift her and she is always giving me "huggies and kissies".
> 
> At times I think I give her a weapon to control me with. If I made it clear that I didn't give a sheet about her validation, then she would not manipulate me.
> 
> I think the kids are her priority and I am way way down in her list. Of course if I say this to her, she will claim credit that she is such a good mom and I should be happy that my kids have a mom who takes care of them so well unlike X, Y and Z. All very manipulative and sounds like her scumbag dad.* BTW the old man is visiting us next month*.  He talks big about women's lib and sends us crap on Whatsapp every day about how awesome women are, how giving they are etc etc while treating his own wife (my MIL) like a slave and not letting her bloom.


There is a post about a dude who wants to go on a week long hiking trip. That needs to be you! Do you hike?


----------



## WorkingWife

nirvana said:


> She has a tendency to look at the negative side of things. Grass is always greener elsewhere. She has so much if you objectively look at it, but will pick that 1 thing that her friend has that she doesn't and nullify everything she has. Once she gets that thing, she looks to the next thing to complain about. The latest is Disney trip. The previous was iPhone 6S. Then she will tell me how she isn't materialistic.


Comparing your life to others is always dangerous and never ends well. I started to do that a lot when I entered menopause and hormone replacement therapy helped tremendously. Some people that is just their personality. (I would tell her you'll thank her for the juice when she starts keeping a daily gratitude journal to help shift her focus to her blessings.)

I think that grass is greener comparing really comes from insecurity and not feeling good about yourself. She probably is not materialistic, just looking for signs that she is loved/worthy/as good as others.

If she's on social media, that doesn't help either as everyone appears to have such bright, shiny, fulfilling lives in comparison.




nirvana said:


> Her nagging was tolerable or negligible when we got married and before kids. After kids, she took on the "I am a mom. I am awesome, you are not" persona and nags about everything. I ask her why and she says she would not nag if I did what she told me to do. What about her doing what I want her to do? Like keeping the house and her car tidy? I want to puke when I step in her car. She eats lunch in there when she is working and leaves the containers on the floor mats and they accumulate. She lets the kids throw garbage in there. Her excuse is "all cars with kids are that way... go and check". My car is pristine in comparison.


I never tell my H to do anything so no need to nag there. But after a few months I will nag him when he won't do things he said he would do -- not only said he would do but essentially ordered me not to do because HE wanted to take care of it his way.

Is she a SAHM? If so, I wonder if some of her "I am woman!" stuff comes from feeling a need to remind you of her value, especially if she compares herself to others a lot.



nirvana said:


> Whoever said that men are untidy and women are not needs to come to my house.


Yours or mine. My poor husband. I know plenty of people with kids and clean cars.

One thing that helped me tremendously with things like clearing clutter from my car was learning "The one minute rule" - Anything that takes 1 minute or less? Do it RIGHT. NOW. I used to see clutter and leave it because I felt like "I don't have time! I don't have time! I'll deal with it later." But when I read that rule I realized "Of course I have ONE minute!" It helped me calm down. So now I grab the garbage as I get out of the car. I'm still mostly oblivious to the chaos I leave in my wake.


----------



## WorkingWife

nirvana said:


> I think the kids are her priority and I am way way down in her list. Of course if I say this to her, she will claim credit that she is such a good mom and I should be happy that my kids have a mom who takes care of them so well unlike X, Y and Z. All very manipulative and sounds like her scumbag dad. BTW the old man is visiting us next month.  He talks big about women's lib and sends us crap on Whatsapp every day about how awesome women are, how giving they are etc etc while treating his own wife (my MIL) like a slave and not letting her bloom.


I think that part of being a good parent is putting your marriage first so you have a secure, stable environment and good role modeling for the children.

Interesting that her dad thinks he is a women's libber when his actions are the opposite. The way you were describing "Indian" women in another post had me thinking they actually sound like a large portion of the "Women's lib" American women today. There seems to be a real vein of contempt for men and all things male that is perfectly acceptable to that sub culture.


----------



## Blondilocks

Tell your wife that she doesn't get kudos for treating her children the way you and society expects. If she treated them poorly, then that would reflect on the type of person she is and you would not be married to that type of person.

It seems your love language is touch and your wife's is words & affirmations. You need to address this so that both of your needs are met in this area. 

Not to get you into trouble, but you have an opportunity to tackle the old man's bullsh!t and I wouldn't be surprised if you brought up a few things his adorable daughter does. Inquire as to how his wife is holding up under this new-found feminism. Is it affecting his life? Be sure to let him ride in the garbage can on wheels before wife cleans it out.

BTW, in the seventies women were not all of a sudden ripping their bras off and telling their husbands to STFU - perhaps, on an extremely small scale. There were women who respected their husbands and there were women who didn't. Just like now. Don't blame your wife's attitude on feminism.


----------



## nirvana

WorkingWife said:


> I think that part of being a good parent is putting your marriage first so you have a secure, stable environment and good role modeling for the children.
> 
> Interesting that her dad thinks he is a women's libber when his actions are the opposite. The way you were describing "Indian" women in another post had me thinking they actually sound like a large portion of the "Women's lib" American women today. There seems to be a real vein of contempt for men and all things male that is perfectly acceptable to that sub culture.


I think that's right. When I was growing up in the 80s in India, middle class women did not work. My mom worked in the US before we moved back to India but she did not work there because of lack of opportunity. My dad had no problem if she wanted to work. Working women were the lower income families out of necessity. And teachers and nurses. Now with outsourcing and better economy/education, almost all middle class women work. So these women feel that they have made a big leap compared to their moms. Hence the chip on their shoulder.

My FIL will say anything to get people to like him. That is what makes me abhor him. I would respect him more if he had a view and stuck to it even if it was different from mine. These days it is PC in India to say how much you encourage women and how much women do and how women are much better than men etc etc. He keeps sending me and others articles and pictures to illustrate this. But his own wife is scared to voice her opinion. He is the King of his kingdom. Anyway, I went OT here.


----------



## nirvana

I am actually feeling bad to post all of this about my wife. 

She has a Jekyll and Hyde personality. When she is in a good mood, she is very sweet. When her period hits, she gets crabby and irritable, but it's period time right now and she's still very sweet. But something flips and she gets nasty and keeps putting me down and some months ago, would compare me to others and say how much accomplished they are (when they are not).

I wonder if this has something to do with hormones? Sometimes she makes no logical sense and seems to be looking to crucify me. 
For example, she is very smart, and I have been the only one to encourage and fund her grad school and find a way for her to work and then when angry she wags her finger at me and says she will "prove" to me by going to the next level. As if I am holding her back. She needs to prove it to her crooked dad who compared her negatively against her sister (but now shows that he is euphoric)


----------



## EleGirl

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


LOL , if only this were true. It might be for some small subset of men but I know for a fact that it is not for many, if not most men.

Here is a thread on the topic from a couple of years ago.. Lots of the guys on TAM admitting that the stereo type is bogus.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/197914-happy-husband-s-easy.html


----------



## Steve1000

nirvana said:


> She has a tendency to look at the negative side of things. Grass is always greener elsewhere. She has so much if you objectively look at it, but will pick that 1 thing that her friend has that she doesn't and nullify everything she has. Once she gets that thing, she looks to the next thing to complain about. The latest is Disney trip. The previous was iPhone 6S. Then she will tell me how she isn't materialistic.
> 
> .


Sorry to hear that. While my wife is not romantic, she is easy to get along with.


----------



## turnera

nirvana said:


> Well, the environment you grow up in matters. American women had economic freedom in the 60s or so. Indian women from the mid 90s somewhat and from the 2000s even more so. So while this is not a race thing, it is an environment thing.
> 
> I don't things will change much. She needs to get an epiphany and change herself. I just hope for that day. I curse myself for letting her be a SAHM for 14 years. She got to enjoy the kids when they were small and I did not. She should have been working for a salary like me (and her sister).


It won't change because you haven't changed. You've been given advice on how to get her to respect you again, but you haven't acted on it, AFAIK. So you'll continue to be dismissed.


----------



## lateralus

always_alone said:


> LOL. I can assure you that women do know the difference.
> 
> (That was a challenge. Not encouragement.)
> 
> I agree, however, that there are quite a lot of men who really can't bear being challenged by women, and want nothing to do with this sort of challenge in their life.
> 
> It's just a shame when these men purport to speak for all men.


I agree that they shouldn't speak for all men.

It seems as though you may be looking for misogyny in my post when there wasn't any intended. Your sentence isn't a challenge, it's a statement of fact.

Challenge = "a call to take part in a contest or competition, especially a duel."

The last person I want to compete with is with my partner. If she views our relationship as a competition, then that is a relationship that will no longer exist.


----------



## always_alone

lateralus said:


> Your sentence isn't a challenge, it's a statement of fact.


I'm glad you agree it is fact. But it also directly contradicted (aka challenged) your suggestion that women confuse challenge with encouragement.

Challenge doesn't always entail competition. Dispute, contradiction, even merely questioning the veracity of a claim are all types of challenge. As are difficult tasks or exercises, or high-value goals. There is even a quotable quote: "anything worth having is worth working for"

I agree that I view my relationship as teamwork, not competition. But I would most certainly challenge my SO in many different ways. And definitely challenge OP's assertion that women shouldn't do this, but only ever offer affirmation and encouragement.


----------



## NextTimeAround

No, men are very complex.


They like drama.

They are very emotional. That's how they make their decisions.


----------



## nirvana

turnera said:


> It won't change because you haven't changed. You've been given advice on how to get her to respect you again, but you haven't acted on it, AFAIK. So you'll continue to be dismissed.


I think it's to do with her hormones.

Usually PMS and period time is when she is at her worst. But this time she's been very very sweet. I am afraid to jinx it. 

I am not going to pander to her and kowtow to her every whim just to get her to "respect" me. That usually ends nowhere and the goalposts will change and I will be back to where I started. I do what I need to do as a father and husband for the wellbeing of my family. If this isn't valued and is not respected, then she has a problem, not me. If she likes fake smooth talking men who are all talk and no substance then I made the wrong choice. I will never become that.

She needs to earn my respect as well, and I can say the same for her. Marriage is a 2-way street.

Her parents are visiting for a few months and I will have the chance to go on dates with her and even an out of town trip. The last time we did that was about 14 years ago.


----------



## turnera

nirvana said:


> I think it's to do with her hormones.
> 
> I am not going to pander to her and kowtow to her every whim just to get her to "respect" me. That usually ends nowhere and the goalposts will change and I will be back to where I started.


:banghead:

All this time you've been here and THIS is what you think we've been telling you?!#?!

We have told you - ad nauseum - THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

I take it you just write to be writing, cos you sure as hell haven't been listening or thinking.

Pandering to her IS WHY she doesn't respect you. Accepting her poor treatment and going back for more IS WHY she doesn't respect you.

She doesn't have to. She treats you like sh*t day in and day out and you just stand there, say nothing, or if you do say something, you don't DO anything about it.

She has no reason to change BECAUSE you pander to her.


----------



## jdesey

Wow! My little post that was supposed to be a joke has now got over 110 replies. 

I guess I should say I am glad I could spark such commentary although the topic was long ago lost. 

Maybe everyone should just chill out!


----------



## EleGirl

jdesey said:


> Wow! My little post that was supposed to be a joke has now got over 110 replies.
> 
> I guess I should say I am glad I could spark such commentary although the topic was long ago lost.
> 
> Maybe everyone should just chill out!


If a female had posted something similar in the men’s lounge that gave some simplistic list of how men need to treat their wife… that thread would get the same type of unfriendly response.

I don’t think that you OP was made in jest at all, and saying now after the fact that it was does not hold water. I think you really though that women here needed to be schooled and you chose to do that.

Maybe it’s a wise to think before you assume that every woman needs a lesson and that every man is simple and the same.

Most of the people on this forum have, or are, going through some very painful things. From a woman’s perspective, telling women that all they need to do is to shut up, clean, cook, ‘give’ sex and show admiration can be very insulting. This is especially true for women who did all that, and a lot more. Yet it was not enough. Instead, their husband were not that simple, were not satisfied. He was either out chasing everything in a skirt and/or being emotionally (and maybe even physically) abusive.

Perhaps you have not been on TAM long enough to know that any thread started with the intent to school people (often all people of one gender) is always met with the types of replies that you got here. Like I said, try a thread schooling the men in the men’s forum and you will get the same results... or maybe ever more negative responses.


----------



## jdesey

Elegirl. That's the typical female response I would expect. Too many words and deflect back on the man. My guess is you don't take care of your man and he doesn't take care of you. You gotta give to get. Try my suggestions.


----------



## turnera

EleGirl said:


> From a woman’s perspective, telling women that all they need to do is to shut up, clean, cook, ‘give’ sex and show admiration can be very insulting. This is especially true for women who did all that, and a lot more. Yet it was not enough. Instead, their husband were not that simple, were not satisfied. He was either out chasing everything in a skirt and/or being emotionally (and maybe even physically) abusive.


I've been doing exactly that for 35 years and somehow, what I need never gets around to happening. Hole in ceiling for 12 years and counting. Kitchen ungrouted for 5 years and counting. Car not running for a year. But hubby's happy - he still gets his meals, his clean clothes, his weekly+ sex. Yep, pretty simple. If you want to be a servant.


----------



## norajane

jdesey said:


> Elegirl. That's the typical female response I would expect. Too many words and deflect back on the man. My guess is you don't take care of your man and he doesn't take care of you. You gotta give to get. Try my suggestions.


WTF?

Number 1 on my list of simple things to do to keep your wife happy would be to actually listen to what she's saying, hear it, and try to understand what she is saying instead of immediately dismissing it as "typical female response, too many words I can't begin to wrap my simple man brain around."


----------



## VermisciousKnid

Simple minds have simple responses. 

So, no, I don't agree with the OP's premise.


----------



## NobodySpecial

jdesey said:


> Elegirl. That's the typical female response I would expect. Too many words and deflect back on the man. My guess is you don't take care of your man and he doesn't take care of you. You gotta give to get. Try my suggestions.


This coming from a guy who needs advice from the interwebs to find out how to make his woman happy. He could follow norojane's advice. But since she used too many words...


----------



## cons

Wow jdesey...you have a lot to learn about relationships (I hope learning is your goal here).

You first put out a post with some rather disrespectful assumptions and generalities (for both men and women)...and when the responses come in, you claim it was posted in jest (aka cop-out)...Now when you're called out on the fallacies in your statement, you claim deflection and release yourself from being accountable to what you say...

Just within this thread, you debunked your theory...you've chosen to make what could be a productive conversation into a mud-slinging drama...

Simplicity just got thrown out the window


----------



## jdesey

Thank you for today's responses. This is very entertaining. Many of you are just so damn serious. Lighten up! Relationships don't have to be so hard. Maybe you are all just making things hard for attention or drama.


----------



## Holland

jdesey said:


> Thank you for today's responses. This is very entertaining. Many of you are just so damn serious. Lighten up! Relationships don't have to be so hard. Maybe you are all just making things hard for attention or drama.


Lol, no the entertaining part is a man that has a crappy relationship thinking he knows anything about relationships.

No drama here, Mr H had some very enjoyable early morning sex and is now having a much deserved sleep in. I will then make him and the kids brekky when they all eventually get out of bed. Life is good here but then again we are two adults that both treat each other well and don't dismiss each others needs. In short we are not simpletons.


----------



## jdesey

Holland. Finally a woman who understands her place on the relationship and what she needs to do.


----------



## Holland

jdesey said:


> Holland. Finally a woman who understands her place on the relationship and what she needs to do.


Not sure if you are being deliberately obtuse or if you really are that simple that you just don't get it.

Yes I know where my place is in my relationship, it has taken (and still does take) much work to have carved out this special place.
But he does the same, we are a team and we meet each others needs. Neither of us are simple people with simple needs.

So here is the rub (and the part you don't seem to understand)..... the harder you work at making a cohesive and loving home together the easier it is to meet each others needs and wants. The more complexities of each others personalities you take the time to learn about, the easier it is to meet each others needs and wants.

It is the opposite of what you seem to be saying in your OP. You say men are simple so women should just put out and cook. You want to do little of the hard work but get all of the reward.
But like life in general it is the other way around.....

Put in the hard work first, build a solid foundation and then all the rewards of a great relationship will fall into your lap. You cannot get the benefits without doing the hard yards first.

All of the above plus the fact that Mr H is the complete opposite of simple make me want to have sex with him often, cook and wash his clothes. Simple men that just want to have their simple wants met are of no interest to women that are full of life and passion.


----------



## jdesey

Again too many words Holland, but your a woman so that's expected. 

Never once have I said what I go or don't do for my gal. I do a lot. I don't need to defend it. 

My original point in my original post has gotten so lost and so messed up. But hey, that's what women do. 

Today is 2 years with my gal. I gotta go. We have anniversary plans.


----------



## Celes

jdesey said:


> Elegirl. That's the typical female response I would expect. Too many words and deflect back on the man. My guess is you don't take care of your man and he doesn't take care of you. You gotta give to get. Try my suggestions.


You're just butthurt you got called out over a dumb post and no one's buying the "I was only kidding!" spiel. 

Maybe you should focus on getting your own relationship on track before advising others on theirs.


----------



## MAJDEATH

GusPolinski said:


> jdesey said:
> 
> 
> 
> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.
> 
> 
> 
> I'd imagine that many women would have no problem w/ this at all, given the following...
> 
> 1. Husband is successful enough in his career that he is able to fully meet the financial needs of his family, including not only month-to-month and day-to-day expenses, but also savings for incidentals, vacations, and other miscellaneous expenses, as well as healthcare and retirement benefits.
> 
> 2. Husband is also able -- and willing! -- to pull his fair share of weight w/ respect to both parenting and household upkeep responsibilities.
> 
> 3. Husband is loyal, loving, and respectful toward his wife.
Click to expand...

Wow, this sounds exactly like me.


----------



## Mr The Other

jdesey said:


> Elegirl. That's the typical female response I would expect. Too many words and deflect back on the man. My guess is you don't take care of your man and he doesn't take care of you. You gotta give to get. Try my suggestions.


Go and post idiotic memes on Facebook. Lots of teenagers will be impressed by your wisdom.

This forum is for grown ups.


----------



## Mr The Other

jdesey said:


> Again too many words Holland, but your a woman so that's expected.


A completely superfluous sentence. How ironic. 



jdesey said:


> Never once have I said what I go or don't do for my gal. I do a lot. I don't need to defend it.


You do not need to preach either. Clearly you enjoy wasting your time.



jdesey said:


> My original point in my original post has gotten so lost and so messed up. But hey, that's what women do.


So, you offer a teenage insight and then get upset because people are not impressed. How silly.



jdesey said:


> Today is 2 years with my gal. I gotta go. We have anniversary plans.


Another completely superfluous sentence. Just like a woman? How ironic.

You are annoyed at not getting sex and feel you have done your half and she is fulfilling your half. Your post is more about venting your frustration. You are doing what many on here do, blame your partners sex for the problem rather than avoid your partner or yourself. There are no easy answers if you do not have a partner willing to put in the effort and that is why this forum is here.


----------



## EleGirl

jdesey said:


> Elegirl. That's the typical female response I would expect. Too many words and deflect back on the man. My guess is you don't take care of your man and he doesn't take care of you. You gotta give to get. Try my suggestions.


You have a lot of nerve to say something like that. You have no idea what my story is, yet you dare to spew an accusation like that.

You post is a personal attack.


----------



## Holland

EleGirl said:


> You have a lot of nerve to say something like that. You have no idea what my story is, yet you dare to spew an accusation like that.
> 
> You post is a personal attack.


Honestly EG I wouldn't worry. He isn't destined for much in the relationship dept. People of his ilk have to resort to insults in order to make themselves feel better about the s.hit hole life they have created for themselves.

Rock on babe.


----------



## Vega

jdesey said:


> Today is 2 years with my gal. I gotta go. We have anniversary plans.


Wow. I hope those "plans" include your "gal" feeding you, washing and putting away your clothes, telling you that you're the best, screwing your brains out where she initiates sex and sex texting you.

Seems like it's the only way you're going to be happy.

It's really that simple.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Holland said:


> Honestly EG I wouldn't worry. He isn't destined for much in the relationship dept. People of his ilk have to resort to insults in order to make themselves feel better about the s.hit hole life they have created for themselves.
> 
> Rock on babe.


I don't the too many words bit. Lots of other guys on here are capable of understanding a paragraph.


----------



## Blondilocks

jdesey said:


> Elegirl. That's the typical female response I would expect. Too many words and deflect back on the man. My guess is you don't take care of your man and he doesn't take care of you. You gotta give to get. Try my suggestions.


Are these too many words for you?

You f'd up and did NOT take care of your gal. Now, she barely gives you the time of day. 

You're mad that your 'gal' isn't kissing your aZZ so you're here to insult female posters and try to salve your ego.

I imagine that there are probably 101 other things about you that give your 'gal' pause in jumping right back in. Passive aggressiveness, maybe? Keeping secrets, not owning up to your mistakes, procrastination? Just a few to get you going.

Don't expect your 'gal' to be reading up on how to make you happy. That ship sailed.


----------



## NobodySpecial

My 15yo son. That sounds really boring to me. The whole subservience thing does not work for me.


----------



## sisters359

A man who wants to be "taken care of" sounds like a child--as does any woman who feels the same way. Stay with mommy and daddy if that is what you want.

An adult wants so much more.

I will admit that many marriages are based on men wanting a mommy-who-has-sex-with-them, and women who want a daddy-who-has-sex-with-them. These work--until one of the partners, often (but not always) the woman, after children arrive--starts to grow the hell up. 

A woman with children to care for no long wants a man-child for a husband; she wants a partner willing to pitch in totally. 

Some men also outgrow their childish wives--the kind who demand to be treated like a princess all the time, without assuming any real responsibilities--but men are likely to be more tolerant, I suspect, b/c the additional burden of children tends to weigh less on them (as a day-to-day matter, that is). 

I've seen too many women walk away from husbands who refuse to grow up, so I believe that the OP's original advice is just plain bad.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


Well I see jdesey got banned pretty quickly...

Just going by the words in the opening post alone... I think a lot of men, if they had to name 4 or 5 things that come to mind in a sentence or 2.. I can see some of these being thrown out.. I read this to my husband ... he says ..."what's wrong with that ?"..

I have found in posting here.. people do not like "lists" - it's almost as if -what is NOT said = we read into it somehow....and it comes off offending to some... like all a man needs is a sex robot & a maid, and he's happy... Our men need so much more... 

Yet still..I don't find anything inherently wrong with what he posted ether.. (minus some attitude that played out further down)...let's break these down a bit..... 

*1. * *Feed Him*... IF a man works long hours, if the family wouldn't be able to afford eating out a lot... it's going to matter.. coming home to a hot meal - this makes him feel loved & cared for... why wouldn't we want to do this, if he's a good man, had a long days work... especially IF his wife works part time or stays at home... those who both work full time may share these duties evenly - so it wouldn't even make their list...and some men love to cook, not minding at all (this is not my husband by the way- he appreciates it!).. 

*2*. *Washing clothes, putting them away*... this would fall into the chore category.. and again.. a more traditional man will probably care more about this.. I do all this in our marriage.. if I didn't - he'd have to pick up the slack.. which I wouldn't feel is fair as he works much longer over me.. just another area to show we care about him.. 

How he dresses.. I always iron his clothes & set them out - before we go out...it's just a part of keeping the house in order, helping our husbands, saving him time... I don't feel it's demeaning or subservient..but he's never made me feel that way either.. attitude is everything...in us wanting to serve our men. 

*3*. "*Tell him he is the Best*".... this is about "Admiration" and Respect.. sure a man wants this from his wife.. we want it from our husband's too! I certainly appreciate it.. but do we live it - have we earned it ?? just because the opening post didn't give all that extra explanation doesn't mean it wasn't intended.. I do feel it's important to be our spouse's #1 fan ....just remember .. it goes both ways... 

*4*. *Screwing his brains out.. and initiating once in a while*... The vast majority of husbands crave a more happening sex life (well some of us women do too!).... they long for their wives to pull him into the bedroom ... jump on him... flirt.. SHOW SOME DESIRE.. it would make his world ...When this is lacking.. it's like there isn't all that much to get excited about, he's more on edge, more moody... this gives him something to look forward to, to come home to, keeps a :grin2: on his face.. 

*5.* The *"sex texting".*. that's a unique one to have on the list.. a man who would say this is REALLY into the visual & flirting to a high degree.. my husband wouldn't at all care about this ... we don't even text (or sext)... we share 1 cell phone even.. 

Curiously I just asked him sitting here what are his top 5 in a sentence or two..... he went on how *Faithfulness is #1*.. even with sexing his brains out...if I wasn't faithful, that wouldn't be worth anything, it all falls apart.... the happening sex life #2...also Affection ...and my wanting to spend time with him..that's what came to mind.. he loves a home cooked meal and my taking care of things at home too though..and the kids.


----------



## BlueWoman

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


If it were that simple, I'd still be married. I did all of that. (Except for feeding him, he liked to cook.) 

But unfortunately, I began to resent it when he didn't feel that it was important to make me happy. 

Oh and despite him rejecting me for sex, he still cheated. 

Men are not as simple as they like to think.


----------



## Mr The Other

SimplyAmorous said:


> Well I see jdesey got banned pretty quickly...
> 
> Just going by the words in the opening post alone... I think a lot of men, if they had to name 4 or 5 things that come to mind in a sentence or 2.. I can see some of these being thrown out.. I read this to my husband ... he says ..."what's wrong with that ?"..
> 
> I have found in posting here.. people do not like "lists" - it's almost as if -what is NOT said = we read into it somehow....and it comes off offending to some... like all a man needs is a sex robot & a maid, and he's happy... Our men need so much more...
> 
> Yet still..I don't find anything inherently wrong with what he posted ether.. (minus some attitude that played out further down)...let's break these down a bit.....
> 
> *1. * *Feed Him*... IF a man works long hours, if the family wouldn't be able to afford eating out a lot... it's going to matter.. coming home to a hot meal - this makes him feel loved & cared for... why wouldn't we want to do this, if he's a good man, had a long days work... especially IF his wife works part time or stays at home... those who both work full time may share these duties evenly - so it wouldn't even make their list...and some men love to cook, not minding at all (this is not my husband by the way- he appreciates it!)..
> 
> *2*. *Washing clothes, putting them away*... this would fall into the chore category.. and again.. a more traditional man will probably care more about this.. I do all this in our marriage.. if I didn't - he'd have to pick up the slack.. which I wouldn't feel is fair as he works much longer over me.. just another area to show we care about him..
> 
> How he dresses.. I always iron his clothes & set them out - before we go out...it's just a part of keeping the house in order, helping our husbands, saving him time... I don't feel it's demeaning or subservient..but he's never made me feel that way either.. attitude is everything...in us wanting to serve our men.
> 
> *3*. "*Tell him he is the Best*".... this is about "Admiration" and Respect.. sure a man wants this from his wife.. we want it from our husband's too! I certainly appreciate it.. but do we live it - have we earned it ?? just because the opening post didn't give all that extra explanation doesn't mean it wasn't intended.. I do feel it's important to be our spouse's #1 fan ....just remember .. it goes both ways...
> 
> *4*. *Screwing his brains out.. and initiating once in a while*... The vast majority of husbands crave a more happening sex life (well some of us women do too!).... they long for their wives to pull him into the bedroom ... jump on him... flirt.. SHOW SOME DESIRE.. it would make his world ...When this is lacking.. it's like there isn't all that much to get excited about, he's more on edge, more moody... this gives him something to look forward to, to come home to, keeps a :grin2: on his face..
> 
> *5.* The *"sex texting".*. that's a unique one to have on the list.. a man who would say this is REALLY into the visual & flirting to a high degree.. my husband wouldn't at all care about this ... we don't even text (or sext)... we share 1 cell phone even..
> 
> Curiously I just asked him sitting here what are his top 5 in a sentence or two..... he went on how *Faithfulness is #1*.. even with sexing his brains out...if I wasn't faithful, that wouldn't be worth anything, it all falls apart.... the happening sex life #2...also Affection ...and my wanting to spend time with him..that's what came to mind.. he loves a home cooked meal and my taking care of things at home too though..and the kids.


The basic principles of what he writes are broadly fine. It is no worse than numerous aphorisms and memes that assert that if only a man could learn to be decent, then his relationships would always be wonderful. However, those are worthless too.

He came on here having problems, he was financially unreliable and failed to pay the rent at the age of forty-nine and no great catch. He tried to make up for it, but could not understand why it failed. He is the sort of man that the tedious memes actually apply to.


From other threads....



jdesey said:


> My ex fiancé has agreed to get back together after a 4 month split. I made lots of mistakes and hurt her very bad. She is adamant that we go slow. Like I'm not moving back in with her right now. I am not a go slow kinda guy. I need advice on what to do to not push to hard to fast. I'm very grateful that she's even willing to Try. Help I need advice.





Mr The Other said:


> .......
> Bluntly, I suspect you are not much of a catch. You are a forty-nine year-old man struggling to pay your end of the rent, scared of commitment, immature and needy. Tackle these first, then you will be left with only good points for any woman.


----------



## turnera

My H has mishandled our finances so badly that we are now $200,000 in debt, despite my attempts to get caught up. When he talks to people, he talks about he can't afford to do this or that, and I'm thinking 'you're a 60-year-old man and you haven't been able to set things up to afford fixing a $2000 car bill? Who does that make look bad? YOU!'


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Mr The Other said:


> The basic principles of what he writes are broadly fine. It is no worse than numerous aphorisms and memes that assert that if only a man could learn to be decent, then his relationships would always be wonderful. However, those are worthless too.
> 
> He came on here having problems, he was financially unreliable and failed to pay the rent at the age of forty-nine and no great catch. He tried to make up for it, but could not understand why it failed. He is the sort of man that the tedious memes actually apply to.
> 
> From other threads....


 Yeah by that age...I'll surely agree...one should have some financial stability to show ...even if he's had some hard breaks, even lower income jobs (I wouldn't hold that against anyone)...it just doesn't look good.. so yeah... thanks for the heads up...always a back story.


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## AVR1962

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


Hum? So that is all great and fine as long as you are giving us back what we want in return. I think that is the problem!!!


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## AliceA

I'm constantly seeing crap on here that makes out like men and women are so completely different. It's just a load of BS imo. We all feel pain when we're hurt, emotionally/physically, we are all capable of feeling negative/positive emotions, we are all shaped by our environment/society. The main differences between the sexes are only perpetuated due to how we are raised, not because of some grand plan that says women must do/feel this and men must do/feel that. We are told women are better at expressing emotions and men are better at maths (for example), so of course, this influences how you think about yourself and others. We are constantly told all men would be happy with sex, beer and a lap dance yet this is proven false time and time again. We are constantly told that all women are happy with a baby on the hip and a pretty house to clean, and again this is proven false, yet NO ONE IS ****ING PAYING ATTENTION.


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## PAPS18

I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.

It's really that simple.

OK, I just read this post and while I agree that as a man I do believe we are pretty simple creatures, there is no way any woman in today's society can do all on this list all the time. Most women work these days, most women have kids and life is just not so easy. Now, for me, I will change the list to what would be my top three things my wife can do to make me happy-be the best Mom to our kids-very important to me-and thankfully my wife is the best, cook me dinner during the week-she gets home first so naturally she cooks-and having a family meal goes along with being the best Mom to the kids, and take time to be intimate with me. My wife is good at two of the three, and the two she is good at are the most important overall. The one she consistently comes up short, impacts only one person, so that is why I say it is least important overall-it sucks for me but oh well. 

I will add, I wash and put away the clothes for my wife, and clean up the kitchen after she cooks. Her job doesn't pay very much but requires a lot of time and effort-teaching. I leave my work at work, so I have time to help out around the house.


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## NobodySpecial

BlueWoman said:


> If it were that simple, I'd still be married. I did all of that. (Except for feeding him, he liked to cook.)
> 
> But unfortunately, I began to resent it when he didn't feel that it was important to make me happy.


I don't think there was any concern for what SHE wants voiced in the OP. Do you suppose that is remotely important?


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## Vega

turnera said:


> My H has mishandled our finances so badly that we are now $200,000 in debt, despite my attempts to get caught up. When he talks to people, he talks about he can't afford to do this or that, and I'm thinking 'you're a 60-year-old man and you haven't been able to set things up to afford fixing a $2000 car bill? Who does that make look bad? YOU!'


Oh but turnera...you're supposed to _*admire*_ him and "tell him he's the *best*"...right?


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## Vega

avr1962 said:


> hum? So that is all great and fine as long as you are giving us back what we want in return. I think that is the problem!!!


+ 1000


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## heartsbeating

SimplyAmorous said:


> *1. * *Feed Him*... IF a man works long hours, if the family wouldn't be able to afford eating out a lot... it's going to matter.. coming home to a hot meal - this makes him feel loved & cared for... why wouldn't we want to do this, if he's a good man, had a long days work... especially IF his wife works part time or stays at home... those who both work full time may share these duties evenly - so it wouldn't even make their list...and some men love to cook, not minding at all (this is not my husband by the way- he appreciates it!)..


At a party talking about food and cooking, my friend starting paying out on me, giving me sh*t about my cooking skills. Like a good friend does. She's married. Very good at cooking. Knowing my husband does majority of the cooking between us, she asked what I brought to the table. I told her I had no idea! She told me I looked pretty. I should have given her the bird but I laughed and said I hoped I offered more than that. One of the guys came over and sat next to us. Asked what we were talking about. She said 'We're working out what [hearts] brings to the table if she doesn't cook?' Within ear-shot of hubs, I asked them not to blow it for me as I was obviously getting the better end of the deal. The guy suggested I bring the vibe. In other words, none of us knew. 

Friend offered to teach me to cook. 'Cooking 101' at her place. She said it'd be fun. So that I can be pretty _and_ cook. I'll give it a try.


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## MEM2020

Hearts,
M2 cooks when needed, which isn't often. 

Some men prioritize the kitchen, others the bedroom. 

I like to cook so we are compatible....






heartsbeating said:


> At a party talking about food and cooking, my friend starting paying out on me, giving me sh*t about my cooking skills. Like a good friend does. She's married. Very good at cooking. Knowing my husband does majority of the cooking between us, she asked what I brought to the table. I told her I had no idea! She told me I looked pretty. I should have given her the bird but I laughed and said I hoped I offered more than that. One of the guys came over and sat next to us. Asked what we were talking about. She said 'We're working out what [hearts] brings to the table if she doesn't cook?' Within ear-shot of hubs, I asked them not to blow it for me as I was obviously getting the better end of the deal. The guy suggested I bring the vibe. In other words, none of us knew.
> 
> Friend offered to teach me to cook. 'Cooking 101' at her place. She said it'd be fun. So that I can be pretty _and_ cook. I'll give it a try.


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## Ynot

jdesey said:


> Let me expand. Those are all great points. My post was meant to be a message to the very very long posts I see from women that want to know why their man is distant, or won't forgive, or is angry etc....
> 
> My point is that women totally over think us men and complicate the hell out of it.


I am a man and I call BS! It is this kind of simplistic thinking on the part of men and women that lead to so many divorces. Men are just as complex and emotional as women are. I know I needed a hell of a lot more than simply being fed and screwed every so often in my marriage.


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## chillymorn

total generalization.

marriages succeed when both people put effort into each other. and into themselves 


there no one size fits all for a happy man or woman.


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## Mr The Other

Ynot said:


> I am a man and I call BS! It is this kind of simplistic thinking on the part of men and women that lead to so many divorces. Men are just as complex and emotional as women are. I know I needed a hell of a lot more than simply being fed and screwed every so often in my marriage.


He has been banned, pretty much for being hard of learning. He is a very immature man whose relationship has fallen apart as he has not really got his life together. The post was based on his frustration and that his lady was no longer looking after him and demanding more of him.


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## richardsharpe

Good evening
Men are not simple. Women are not simple. I think the only general rule is to find out what your partner likes and do it.


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## MrsAldi

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


Some men are unfortunately a little bit more complicated...

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Blondilocks

He's back. He's done with her/he's not done with her blah, blah, blah.


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## pineapple

jdesey said:


> I keep giving out the same advice to all you women. Feed him food, wash and put away his clothes, tell him he's the best, screw his brains out where you initiate sex, sex text him,,,, do all these things often. Happy guy for life.
> 
> It's really that simple.


No, it's not that simple. You obviously don't know H too well.

What is it you're going to do to make your wife want to do that?


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## Fozzy

heartsbeating said:


> At a party talking about food and cooking, my friend starting paying out on me, giving me sh*t about my cooking skills. Like a good friend does. She's married. Very good at cooking. Knowing my husband does majority of the cooking between us, she asked what I brought to the table. I told her I had no idea! She told me I looked pretty. I should have given her the bird but I laughed and said I hoped I offered more than that. One of the guys came over and sat next to us. Asked what we were talking about. She said 'We're working out what [hearts] brings to the table if she doesn't cook?' Within ear-shot of hubs, I asked them not to blow it for me as I was obviously getting the better end of the deal. The guy suggested I bring the vibe. In other words, none of us knew.
> 
> Friend offered to teach me to cook. 'Cooking 101' at her place. She said it'd be fun. So that I can be pretty _and_ cook. I'll give it a try.


Cooking is a life skill. It's also one of the most FUN life skills.


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