# Separation and husband moving across country



## LisaC144 (Feb 22, 2008)

We got married in December 2005. Everything was going really well and arguements were few and far inbetween. We had no finanicial problems, etc that many newly weds might incur. My husband is military and in Novemer 2007, we found out that my husband would be transferred to CA (we currently live in NJ). Now he is saying he is unsure of the marriage and not sure if marriage in general is really for him. We were due to move April 20. He is also saying he probably doesn' want children becauae he wants to do what he wants, when he wants and doesn't want a kid holding him back. This issue was thoroughly discussed prior to marriage because I desparately want children in a few years. At the time, he said he did too. There is no negotiating with me on that, but now he has changed his mind.

Now he wants to do a trial separation. He said he needs time to think things through and figure out what he wants. Basically, he needs time away from the marriage. At first, I was planning on being the one to leave our home and stay with family (although I did not want to stay with family because I do not have a good realtionship with my father but was willing to endure it to give him his space). After thinknig things through, I felt if HE wants the space then he should have to rearrange his life and find a place to stay. I didn't feel I should have to be put out for somethig I don't even want. He feels that becauae my family is around and it's more convenient for me, that I should go. But it's not really convenient for me if I'm uncortable living iwth my father.I'm still up in the air as to whether I should just go to give him the space he needs, or make him go live with a single friend for a few weeks. 

We went to 2 sessions of marriage counseling. He doesn't want to go back, but said while we are separated he would probably look into some counseling on his own. I hope he is telling the truth, but I don't believe him because he really didn't want to do the counseling together before. He said he doesn't think the counseling together will help because it is issues with HIM, not really our marriage. 

I told him that I'm willing to do the separation for 6 weeks, but if he can't figure it out in the next 6 weeks and goes to CA without me, then that's it for me. I'm not going to wait around for 1 month, 2 months, or however long it takes him to "figure things out" in CA while I wait by the phone for his phone call as to whether I'm moving out there with him or not. I'm willing to do the separation NOW while we are both still here. 

I feel it is hopeless, especially if I want children and he has now decided he probably doesn't. I need advise on this whole situation!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

He is lucky that your have given as much as you have. If my wife ever started with that then I would tell her there is the door here are the divorce papers if you plan to leave please sign the papers on the way out. 

Most seperations don't solve things. There are problems in our marriage with what you want and what he wants.

draconis


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## LisaC144 (Feb 22, 2008)

I realize I have already given a lot. But I'm willing to do what I can to make it work. One major issue is that he isn't sure he now wants kids...a dream of mine I'm not willing to give up.


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## Green-Moo (Feb 5, 2008)

If the kids thing is really that important to you and you are convinced that your husband won't change his mind on the issue then perhaps you should move on. Sad though that would be, there is no point rescuing a marriage that will not fulfill your desires in the longer term.


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## ANGIEB1725 (Feb 27, 2008)

Separations Do Not Work They Only Supply The Air For The Fire. My Husband And I Separated For 6 Months In 2004 And Once Again Are Apart Since Last Weekend. Try Counseling


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

Let him be the one to move out; it's his problem, let him disrupt his life, then. I'm sorry for your pain; it truly sounds like you've done everything to accommodate him. I think you are absolutely correct that if he leaves without resolving the question of marriage, let him go. He sounds a bit immature to me.


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## Immortalone (Mar 5, 2008)

Makes me wonder if having kids is realy an issue with him or if he knows it is so important to you that this one thing would cause you to leave him. Us men in general do not like confertation. If he thinks that saying he does not want kids will make you leave him then I can see a man useing that. Can't say for sure but it is something to think about.


Have some fun seeing how women and men can view simple things diffrently. Enjoy a laugh over it at She's Right - He's Right


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Immortalone said:


> Makes me wonder if having kids is realy an issue with him or if he knows it is so important to you that this one thing would cause you to leave him. Us men in general do not like confertation. If he thinks that saying he does not want kids will make you leave him then I can see a man useing that. Can't say for sure but it is something to think about.
> 
> 
> Have some fun seeing how women and men can view simple things diffrently. Enjoy a laugh over it at She's Right - He's Right


some of those are funny!

draconis


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