# The Christmas Hope Thread



## Philglossop1 (Nov 14, 2015)

This is positive thread for anyone going through their first Christmas and New Year after a seperation and going through a divorce. 

I was here back in 2013 absolutely dreading the next two weeks. And remember reading then a thread on here giving tips and advice of how to get through it.

Firstly- it's as hard and difficult as you make it. Remember if you no longer can do the old familiar things like visiting the in laws on Christmas Eve- then start a new tradition. If you don't like it next year do something totally different.

For example. I had to suffer the XSIL for 10 long years on Christmas Morning. On that first Christmas Morning it hurt not have that familar trip even after the divorce. So I now watch any daft Carry On Film in the time until I go to my parents for dinner. That's now my tradition. There may be a glass of port raised as XSIL hated alcohol- so there's a little snook in the face for the past.

I remember going to midnight mass that 1st year. Never again- it left my tired out the rest of Christmas Day 2013! We had a duck instead of turkey. It was dry and we swore blind we'd go back to turkey which we as a family have done.

You can of course be sad. But remember- this time will pass and here I am 2 years down the road, never been busier, never been happier and with some shiny new traditions of my very own. 

I'm certain other members will have some good ideas for anyone struggling!


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## stillhoping01 (Aug 28, 2015)

I really appreciate this post. Separated in October, the past month has been a lot more painful than Oct/Nov. Also, the holidays make things harder. I think things are also really finally setting in. I'm watching the kids have a harder time with things and I'm really missing having a partner. In my situation, I was the one left. My therapist said that it takes a good year to get through the grief of separation/divorce. I didn't want this but he thought we were incompatible and felt like the pace of our life was too much. I know in a year's time things will not hurt so much and I'm really looking forward to that.


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## Threeblessings (Sep 23, 2015)

Good post. Following........


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

@stillhoping01, it really does get better. You are still fairly new to this and the pain is raw. You have to give your mind and your heart some breathing space to make the huge adjustments, and that hurts. 

Do the work on yourself to learn how to be happy outside of the relationship that was not meant to be. I love Phil's advice about starting your own traditions. Its a way to reclaim the holiday, anew. At first it can feel forced, but as with all of this, it gets better. Be goofy with the kids (depending on their ages). Go see christmas lights, bake, over decorate the house, go to midnight mass, Something different just with them. Whether you see it right away or not, they will know and remember your efforts, and know you are coming from a place of love.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

This is the ... 6th Christmas for me post separation/divorce. I celebrated the first one with my spouse and ex in-laws. It was utterly depressing. The second one was pretty brutal. The third one was when I healed, so I didn't feel upset at all. The fourth one was Merry, just lonely because my then bf was visiting family. The fifth one I was deeply in love with my current SO, and this one is going to be the best yet.

So, my hope for everyone going through their first Holiday season after separation/divorce, is to really know and believe that things improve with time. They improve with healing. They improve with introspection and with carrying on doing things that you love and enjoy. They don't just improve on their own though... it takes effort, but the personal improvement is its own reward. The reward for any future partner you may have is an improved and stronger version of you.


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## Philglossop1 (Nov 14, 2015)

stillhoping01 said:


> I really appreciate this post. Separated in October, the past month has been a lot more painful than Oct/Nov. Also, the holidays make things harder. I think things are also really finally setting in. I'm watching the kids have a harder time with things and I'm really missing having a partner. In my situation, I was the one left. My therapist said that it takes a good year to get through the grief of separation/divorce. I didn't want this but he thought we were incompatible and felt like the pace of our life was too much. I know in a year's time things will not hurt so much and I'm really looking forward to that.


Aw Stillhoping- trust me it does get easier. There will be a part of that Christmas coming that you'll cry and be upset but hopefully people and family will know that and over compensate a little. Roll with good and the bad.

It's even down to silly things like decorations. I started almost totally new for Christmas 2013. Last year I added some more, and again more this year. I have some foil stars on my ceiling which I bought when I was 8 (so they're on year 34 this year!)- and they've seen people come and go and in some cases passover. They're nothing to anyone else but those 2 50p stars in 1981 from Woolworths mean the world. 

My tealight holder from £1 shop in 2013 will stay with me now- I look at that and it makes me smile of lighting it that first Christmas morning. It's financially nothing and is actually flipping ugly!!- but it symbols the regrowth. 

I'm waxing lyrical now! :grin2::grin2:


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