# Is this normal with husband?



## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

Hi i need some insights on this ....

I've been married for 18 months and known my hubby for 5.5 years. My husband recently started to contact his ex (they dated back in 2006).

Ex and my husband is working in the same company, its a huge international flight company. My hubby has transfer to a department for 2 years and now 2 years is up and he has since returned to the old department (where the ex is also working) since yesterday.

A month before, i did approach my husband asking him what will he do if he were to meet up with the ex when he returns to the old department. Then he confessed he has already met up with her during one of his trip (as his ex happens reside in that country too on a short term basis where my husband is traveling to). He insisted it was just a friendly catch up to know how she is doing. He told me the special feeling has gone when one actually met up again, and besides she is dating another guy.

Then after a month later which is today, i saw in his facebook (btw he doesnt know i have his facebook password) message to her "Hey lili, i am done with my training course and i will be heading back to the same department. Hope to see you soon sometime. Hope you are happy and well my love. Hugs, Bill "

And she replied "Hey i'm heading HKG on tuesday, if you are heading that way i will bring you to the 2nd best noodle place "

Am i reading too much into it ?? Im really lost


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

First of all. Trust your husband. Second, if she has bad intention, she won't put it in writing.
You may comment back. Are you dating my husband? What do you mean "My Love"?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

thanks mslonely, my bad for not writing clearly. i've just edited it. Sorry.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, I'd send her a message, 'reminding' her that he's married. And then tell your husband that you did. And ask him how he'd feel if you called YOUR ex 'my love.' 

Let us know his response.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

So you can see how she replies, she should apologise, if not, you will confront your husband why Friendly contact became My Love? Ask him explain. When necessary, ask him how would he feel if your exboyfriend contacted you? Remember you want to stay cool. You don't have to 'Teach' dos and don'ts in marriage. He knows! He's not stupid.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

I dont have her on my personal facebook, maybe i should try to add her.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Oh sorry! Your husband wrote that message?Guess it's not that girl fault then. You've to show your husband that message face to face immediately, asking him to explain why he wanted to date her and called her MY LOVE? Why would he leave such inappropriate message? 
Also, ask him how would her boyfriend feel to see a married guy, who has left his gf a message called his gf, My Love? He's messing up people's relationship. Why did he do that? How about you also call your ex, My Love? I wanted to see you soon?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

It's very obvious your husband is thinking of her after they met up again. It can happen to any of us.
So in the other hand, after the confrontation, you will need to show lots of love to him to reminder him, "Hello, I'm your lovely wife!"
My suggestion is you can be upset because you saw his messing up people's life. Not because you're jealous. It's quite different for men's understanding. If a man concludes, "ok, my wife is only being jealous," he would probably continue to do it. So when you say, " Hey, you're messing up people's relationship," of course, which also tells him, "I, your wife, feel hurt and mad." Hence, I won't recommend you to make him guilty, after all, he didn't do anything bad yet, but save him some face. When you push him too hard, he would be defensive and stay away from your judgements. He might go on thinking about how wonderful his ex was... That's not what you want... pls watch out when you speak. Therefore, you want to make the confrontation short and clear, when he feels "sorry", you want to let it go immediately. Change topics.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Btw, confrontations cause damages. After that you might experience an invisible distance he keeps from you. It's important not to let that distance grow wider between you and your husband. That takes time, love and patience to heal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

i have previously just joke about something recently when he came back from his overseas trip. He showed me his friends photos on his camera and there was a single lady in a photography shot and i just teased him "oh is that your new girlfriend?". Immediate he turned on me and shouted if i have nothing better to say i should just zip up. So im afraid if i confront him on this one he will really burst ....burst becos i logon to his account without his permission and second he can accuse me of pulling the same joke on him again like in the previous incident. Should i just keep quiet and monitor on until they slept together ?


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Oh I see. You're right, he will get very mad so in the end, the confrontation might solve nothing but only bring bad side effects.
You can keep quiet but there's something you can do also. I think they won't sleep together but it's true that after they meet up, your husband got some feelings, but doesn't mean the girl has same feeling about your husband, especially she's in a relationship. So it's not a bad idea to stay calm meanwhile keep an eye on his facebook activities. Don't let your husband knows you have his password now. Later, he changes it and you can't see nothing. In front of him, you want to love your husband harder. Give him some surprises! After he enjoys some romance with you, he would feel not necessary to see his ex again. So you can do something to occupy his thoughts, in hopes, he would change his focus on you. Think about something really fun & new, maybe tell him you want to learn belly dance? No man can resist hot belly dance girls. You're his wife. He loves you the most. It's very easy to attract his attention.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Noodles place? That sounds boring. I think they're just friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

thank you so much...its good to have someone to listen to. Thank you so much.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Hi Sadwife, please have peace in mind. You know why? Your hubby isn't cheating on you. He loved her before but he loves her as a friend. She might give him some "fantasy" in some more noodles places but you don't have to worry now because she's quite weak. 

Your husband travelled a lot, so it's not avoidable for him to meet beautiful ladies. So you have to look more beautiful and confident in yourself.

I used to check out my husband's email (I had his passwords as well) I saw some women he contacted but he didn't really cheat on me. They are mostly emotional affairs. 

I also leant bellydance. I can't tell you how good I feel now. Ever since I learnt bellydance, my husband has been keeping an eye on me to watch my move everyday, asking me where I go, what I do, who with.

You also want your hubby to worry about you, thinking of you all the time when he's away. That's what you want to work on because of his work.

The 2nd noodles place? LOL this woman is dumb. I'm sure your hubby cares about you more than that stupid noodles. Trust yourself!


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

thank you so much Friendly, when i read your message i cried. Im all alone in this country, still trying to adjust to this new culture. All my friends are back home and i've became so lost and depressed. But i will heel your advice to take up something to make myself better in everything i do. Thank you.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

OMG I'm terribly sorry to learn that you're left in a new country alone. 

Can I know which country you're in now? (My hubby is from different country and culture also. It's very depressing if people there can't speak English.)


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

im in sydney and i quit my job and gave up everything to move over since last Nov..its coming to a year since i stay here.


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Hmm... Sydney, not my favorite city but hey, you're in Australia! It's my favorite country in the whole world!

English isn't a problem for you then. Have you visited some other cities in AU? If not, I really want to encourage you to go around than staying at home alone! 

Meet some new friends and go shopping. (Use the credit card your husband gave you as often as possible ) People are very friendly and laid back if you go more north. I had been living in Sydney for 6 months. Except seeing the EGG SHELLS in Circular Quay, taking a ferry to the zoo, and going to blue mountains, there's nothing much to do in Sydney.

So you can do so many things in Australia. First of all, meet new friends!! You need friends! Plan a trip. Pack your backpack and book a backpacker's. (Make sure your husband pay for all the expenses as a secret punishment for his studpid noodles meeting with ex ) Can you use his money?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Poor Sad-wife, I'm not teaching you bad... It made me feel so good when I found out my hubby's emotional affairs and made him pay until I felt happy. I just bought whatever I wanted, using his money, when a man knew himself did something bad behind the wife, he's willing to pay.

Why not? He spent money for meeting that stupid woman at noodles place, as well as my hubby met a woman in a fancy Italian restaurant several times! So he must pay for all the Water Fees. (The tears I had for him.)


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

yes i thought about spending his money, cos im being here supportive for him and trying to save money together so we can get a house of our own but now i ask myself why should i save in order for him to go out with her instead. So im heading out myself this week when hes not around and go for a movie and a hair cut. i think i deserve it!


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Yes!!!! 

You deserve it and you deserve MUCH MORE than this! You don't have to work so hard to save money for the family and watch him meeting his ex, unless the money is all deposited in your band account.


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

yes *nodding head* my sis told me the same thing too. I guess i will just do that.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

sad-wife said:


> i have previously just joke about something recently when he came back from his overseas trip. He showed me his friends photos on his camera and there was a single lady in a photography shot and i just teased him "oh is that your new girlfriend?". Immediate he turned on me and shouted if i have nothing better to say i should just zip up. So im afraid if i confront him on this one he will really burst ....burst becos i logon to his account without his permission and second he can accuse me of pulling the same joke on him again like in the previous incident. Should i just keep quiet and monitor on until they slept together ?


 This is VERY common for cheaters: You ask him about his Affair Partner and, to deflect the blame away from him, he tears into you to make YOU feel guilty and to _control_ you - to get you to stop snooping and let him have his affair.

Keep snooping. Do NOT let him bully you into allowing him to cheat.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

friendly said:


> So he must pay for all the Water Fees. (The tears I had for him.)


OMG, friendly, that is the absolute COOLEST thing I think I have heard - water fees. Can I use it?


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## sad-wife (Oct 4, 2010)

turnera said:


> This is VERY common for cheaters: You ask him about his Affair Partner and, to deflect the blame away from him, he tears into you to make YOU feel guilty and to _control_ you - to get you to stop snooping and let him have his affair.
> 
> Keep snooping. Do NOT let him bully you into allowing him to cheat.


yes he's playing with head big time and pushes all the blame on me. I can never stop snooping on him cos every time i do it i find something new.


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