# 1st wedding night sex



## Orion09

Hie people, i'm new on TAM Forum, i'm getting married end of septmber this year, i'm 27, i have gone through some threads here on TAM, but i need help, i love my sweetheart very much but am so scared about having sex on Our wedding night as this wil be our 1st encounter in Our lives, we both virgins, we have talked about it, Our fears and expectations before, but she has this phobia thats its terribly painful losing virginity, as she has heard this from other married womans encounters. So i would like to know how i can assure her and do the act without making this imaginative pain a reality? Or if pain is guaranteed, how best can we have a less painful sex and make Our first encounter really memorable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## effess

Orion09 said:


> Hie people, i'm new on TAM Forum, i'm getting married end of septmber this year, i'm 27, i have gone through some threads here on TAM, but i need help, i love my sweetheart very much but am so scared about having sex on Our wedding night as this wil be our 1st encounter in Our lives, we both virgins, we have talked about it, Our fears and expectations before, but she has this phobia thats its terribly painful losing virginity, as she has heard this from other married womans encounters. So i would like to know how i can assure her and do the act without making this imaginative pain a reality? *Or if pain is guaranteed, how best can we have a less painful sex and make Our first encounter really memorable.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My wife was a virgin up to our wedding night. If she's nervous and its your first time - it probably will hurt her. *But that's ok*, fortunately, it won't be your first time either. 
My advice will be to keep your expectation level down, DO NOT expect fireworks and mountain-moving sex the first night. Just enjoy each other, *do not put pressure on her* and take it easy. Take it slow, and if you aren't able to do much on the first night, you'll have the second, third, fourth, etc to figure it out. 
But my main advice is to not have the mentality you wrote at the end. If you go in thinking like that, you could very well be disappointed and the night will be memorable for the wrong reasons. 
Remember:
NO PRESSURE
GO SLOW
ENJOY EACH OTHER
YOU HAVE REST OF YOUR LIVES


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## SabrinaBlue

Orion, some women experience mild pain the first few times, some don't. We're all built differently. I would encourage you both not to dwell on it, or it'll distract you from discovering each other.

What I will also counsel is that neither of you pin all your fireworks hopes on your first time together. Sex is something that you'll improve at with time and practice and communication. After all - no one sits down and paints a masterpiece the first time they pick up a brush!

Go slow. Be patient, be loving, make funny mistakes, and don't be afraid to laugh. Sex can be so much fun with the one you love. 

Edited to add: invest in a lover's kit for your honeymoon. We brought along the Strawberry Dreams Weekender Kit, from Kama Sutra. Goodies like Almond Massage Oil and Honey Dust will help you love on each other and relax some prior to penetration. And the Love Liquid will help you ease inside her more gently. Good stuff.


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## eowyn

Tip for her - Try and relax the muscles. Kegel exercises wld be helpful Kegel exercises: A how-to guide for women - MayoClinic.com


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## nader

It might be a good idea for her to check with a gyno and see if a hymenotomy (removal of the hymen) would be helpful.

Learn everything you can about each other's bodies and sexual responses. Foreplay is fun.. for both of you. And oral, lots and lots of oral.

She comes first is a really informative read on female sexuality, and learning how to go down on her like a champ.


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## rks1

My husband and I were both virgins until our marriage last year. He's a very nice lover now, but one of the mistakes he made on our wedding night was to try to insert himself before I was fully aroused. (My hymen had already been broken, so that wasn't the issue for us.) However, before marriage, he used to kiss me for hours, so I was already heated through fully. But the first time we had intercourse after our marriage, he assumed that now that we were 'allowed' to have sex, he wanted to penetrate without much foreplay. Big mistake, as it just ended up hurting me a lot.

So I would advise that you start with a lot of foreplay and make sure her body is fully aroused and wet before you have intercourse. You might also want to invest in some lubricant to make insertion easier and less painful for her. It might also help to have her be the one to control your insertion by guiding your penis inside her, to make it less traumatic or painful for her.

Another suggestion, based on my own experiences, if for you to not have any hangups about giving oral sex. Intercourse may not be enough to make your wife orgasm, so you might have to use your tongue on her to make her climax. (It may take 10-20 minutes, so be prepared.) My husband was initially uncomfortable with oral (as he was afraid of germs). I explained to him that a mouth has a lot more bacteria than a vagina, but it took awhile for him to get used to that idea. It took him many tries before he got to a place of being okay with giving oral... and eventually loving it (now he can't get enough of giving me oral). However, all those initial times when he used to make faces at my genitals, that used to just make me sad. Understand that all women's genitals have a certain kind of odor, which is totally normal, especially if you are virgins and she doesn't have any STDs to worry about. As long as she's using proper hygiene, just accept that her smell down there is her own, and don't make her feel bad for who she is.

Another thing that helped me, was that when I first started having sex with my husband, is that I took some cranberry capsules to prevent urinary infections. She can take the capsules or just drink cranberry juice, as lots of women get urinary infections from sex after they first start. It also helps a women reduce the chances of infections if she makes sure to urinate shortly after sex (to get rid of any bacteria you may have introduced to her with your body). 

For a guy, it actually helps him to urinate before sex so that he can last longer. (Of course, make sure to wash yourself after urinating so you don't bring a urine smell into the bedroom). Take a lot of deep breaths while you are having sex so that you can last a bit longer before climaxing. 

Also, this may sound silly, but make sure you know how to use contraception before starting. Read the instructions on the condom box before your first sexual experience. Make sure to put it on the right way and leave some gap in the front (for semen to collect). And when you are through with sex, make sure to hold the base down with your hand while removing your penis from her, so that the condom doesn't get stuck inside of her by accident. 

Those were the things my husband and I learned when we started sexual intimacy 6 months ago. Hope some of these suggestions may be useful to you.


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## Almostrecovered

Being lube as the nerves may dry her up, also a pillow to raise the pelvis will help with the angle of penetration for less pain


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## Cosmos

Take it slowly, lots of foreplay and use a lubricant, as suggested by LadyFrogFlyAway. KY Jelly is also another good lubricant, and is used by most Gynaecologists and doctors.

Nowadays, the hymen is often broken (or stretched) due to the use of tampons and a more active life style, than in bye-gone eras, so it is less likely to be as painful as your fiancee is imagining it will be.


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## SimplyAmorous

We are one of those nightmare couples -where the husband COULDN'T get it in. Yeah...looking back, it's a pretty crazy story. We can :rofl: about it now, but back then, it was pretty frustrating. We conceived our 1st son before my husband fully penetrated me, my hymen was SO RIDGID, I ended up going to the OBGYN about it 3 months later (Boy was that ever embarrassing!) & learned I was pregnant 2 days later. 

At that point, he still didn't want to hurt me ...but now was worried about our baby. 

Crazy 1st year sexually indeed. But ya know what.....we did it all together.... I can't say my husband ever hurt me, he took his time and we just worked at it, I have no excrusiating memories of this at all -just him being ever loving, patient......we didn't get discouraged, just kept going at it - till the mighty breakthrough! Been wonderful ever since.

Yeah, don't have high expectations, I doubt your experience will be as BAD as ours...but if you have some trouble & it takes a awhile, a week or two.... it all works out.


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## Orion09

Wow, thanks guyz i've gone through all ur threads, i find them very helpful, thanks a million times. Any more things or stuf to help us prepare for this 1st tym event
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rks1

SabrinaBlue said:


> Edited to add: invest in a lover's kit for your honeymoon. We brought along the Strawberry Dreams Weekender Kit, from Kama Sutra. Goodies like Almond Massage Oil and Honey Dust will help you love on each other and relax some prior to penetration. And the Oil of Love will help you ease inside her more gently. Good stuff.


I like the idea of a kit, as my husband and I have never tried that thus far (as we have used condoms). However, I was just thinking that I should probably tell the OP that oil and condoms don't go together, as oil can make condoms break. So if his wife is on birth control pills, then it would be okay for them to use an oil-based lubricant if they aren't using condoms or barriers. But if condoms are their choice of contraception, then they sure ensure to use a water-based (non-oil) lubricant on the genitals. I am uncertain if any types of condoms can be used with oil-based lubricant or not, but I know at least that this applies to the latex condoms.


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## marriedglad

Don't worry about the pain. As you yourself are a virgin, it's not like you're going to last for more than 30 seconds the first few times. It will be painful for her, you just need to go slow. And after having sex every night for a week, she'll be no longer in pain when you have sex. Not a big deal. Just because of the fear of some initial pain, you can't give up one of the most amazing things on earth. 

Be confident, be slow in the first 4-5 days, have a good time, and spank that a**.


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## rider

I vote silicone lube, MUCH more slippery than water based.

You guys do any fingering at all? Sometimes that can loosen things up. If she has never been penetrated it will be harder (no pun intended).

Also, if you are well hung that can make a difference too.

I have slept with 3 virgins in my lifetime and they were all extremely different. One slipped right in with no pain whatsoever, one was a bit of pain and a some resistance going in, and one girl I couldn't even fit two fingers in before we started, that one was a good bit of pain, and all the rest of it.

Though each time was different, I have fond memories of every one, and in every one of those (long term) relationships, we developed into great lovers.

You are going to be great.

PS - Don't get drunk, tipsy is OK, drunk = pain and anger. You need patience to take it that slow.


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## SabrinaBlue

rks1 said:


> I like the idea of a kit, as my husband and I have never tried that thus far (as we have used condoms). However, I was just thinking that I should probably tell the OP that oil and condoms don't go together, as oil can make condoms break. So if his wife is on birth control pills, then it would be okay for them to use an oil-based lubricant if they aren't using condoms or barriers. But if condoms are their choice of contraception, then they sure ensure to use a water-based (non-oil) lubricant on the genitals. I am uncertain if any types of condoms can be used with oil-based lubricant or not, but I know at least that this applies to the latex condoms.


D'oh! I meant the Love Liquid, which is water-based.


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## diwali123

Good advice. My first time didn't hurt because we had used our hands on each other previously. I don't even know when my hymen broke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dr. Rockstar

I will echo a lot of the advice on this thread about not taking it too seriously and to expect mistakes (my first time was also my wedding day, and it include breaking a soap dish in the hotel room shower). Have fun, take your time, and don't make it a goal to achieve.

I will add one more suggestion, though, and you may take it or leave it as you like. You may want to look through a sex manual to see the things you would both want to try to have a little something extra to look forward to, because if it's the first time for both of you, you may be coming to the table with different expectations. (And you should find most of these books at your closest big box bookstore.)


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## Complexity

Build up, Build up, Build up!

Spend as long as possible literally worshiping her body to get her aroused, from there take things _very_ slowly and always communicate with her to see if everything is OK.


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## GoodToBeMarried

First of all, congratulations to your coming wedding!

Well, my wife and I were virgins until our wedding lunch reception. (Yes, we don't have wedding dinner, but just a simple lunch reception with friends and relatives. So by 2:30pm, we were alone in our Honeymoon suite )

I made the mistake of penetrating her after just a few kisses. Years later when we recollected that moment, she told me about the pain, though she did enjoy that "first time" (probably just to comfort me). 

As we had the advantage of time, we went for a meal, then walked by the beach, then headed back to the room to ... you know what...:smthumbup:, she started to enjoy our "round 2".

Then we opened our gifts and then showered together and "round 3" before going for dinner. Finally, after enjoying the night scene together, we had our "final round" before retiring.

That day was memorable to us even until today. 
The conclusion of my story is, enjoy. Yes, first few intercourse could be painful to the ladies. The "blood testimony" on our bed sheet silently told of the pain my wife endured. 

But the other moments like sharing romantic meals together, enjoying beautiful sunset together, showering together, etc had allowed her to relax, which contributed to easing much pain.

Year later, today, oral and manual fingering had become a must before intercourse. I don't know how you view, but willingness to go down for your wife gave her much assurance about your love. You may like to include this and manual fingering in your foreplay.

Well, so much I typed and hope it benefits you. :scratchhead:


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## happylovingwife

It definitely hurt for me but it was bearable. Nothing excruciating or anything. I thought for sure it wasn't going to hurt because he had used his fingers there multiple times but alas the penis is much bigger. I did have some blood but not a ton. 

I would definitely work on the angle of penetration. Do put a pillow under the hips if in missionary. I have a somewhat tipped uterus and sex hurts me still (after 2 babies) if the angle is off. He hits my cervix so I just adjust my hips until the angle works better. That's highly dependent on the physiology of the two people involved though.


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## xena74

I agree with all the above post, slow and lots of lube!

If her hymen is in tact, bring a towel from home to the hotel. While some women may not bleed that much...I thought I was gonna dye from blood loss, not pain. Pain was bearable, but the sight of the blood when the lights came back on made the guy sick! :rofl:

**guess I should have told him I was a virgin first!***


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## heartsdelight

I was so worried about having sex I bought vaginal dilators off amazon. They're made for people who have vaginismus (basically they can't have sex because they "lock up") and start the size of a small tampon and work up to a pretty decent sized insert. If you have some money for that, I think it was very helpful for me to take it very slowly with a tad pit of discomfort over several weeks rather than a big burst of pain (although I'm a bit of weenie). Has she ever had a gyno exam? I had to get those starting at age 15 due to health reasons and they ALWAYS hurt, so I think that's part of where my fear came from (because obviously my husband's penis is the same thing as a metal speculum *shudder*). 

Like everyone said, start slow. Don't even assume you're going to have sex right after the wedding. Give your wife some room for things. Plan activities that you can enjoy that don't depend on sex- a bubble bath/shower to get to know each other's bodies if you haven't really gone that far can be really relaxing. Massages are my personal favorite and always get me in the mood (or sleepy...be careful with that one lol). Get yourself excited about lots of foreplay and discovering what gets your soon to be going and you'll probably get to the point where she's begging to give sex a shot. 

And be very liberal with the lube. Better safe than sorry, and it works wonders.


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## anonymouskitty

My wife was a virgin too, don't worry mate all you need to do is calm her nerves down and make her feel as comfortable as possible, try keeping the mood as light as possible, joke around a bit and act like a clown, the more she's comfortable with you the better it will be.

Follow this up with a long foreplay session, don't try to get her off or anything. It usually takes a few times before you can bring her off. And Don't have high expectations . Since its your first time too it won't probably last long but thats alright.

Keep a water based lubricant and prop her up on a pillow(beneath her butt), your first stroke should be hard. After that just stop and give her time to adjust, soothe her down a little and then start pumping into her slowly and increase the tempo as you go. 

Keep reassuring her with your words and little kisses here and there, 
and above all try and control your own nerves, your goal is not to give her an orgasm but shared fulfillment meaning enjoy it as much as possible, if you are nervous enough that little weenie boy won't get up crack a joke out of it......psst I was damn nervous the first time I had sex with my future wife too and actually couldn't get it up, breathe deep and try and delay your own orgasm ( again don't have high expectations here)

Have fun and all the best

Warning : There Will Be Blood


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## Caribbean Man

My wife was a virgin too at marriage.
The first time was impossible,I was tired but she was excited & nervous.
After that everything went smoothly.


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