# Stressful marriage



## bigasbob (Jan 5, 2013)

This is my first post in this forum. Maybe I am just venting but, I have has some issues/ concerns with my marriage. My wife has been a stay at home mom and not financially contributed to the household in nearly 8 years. We have one child who is about to start high school (her's from a previous relationship). She mostly stays home or if she goes out it is some kind of shopping venture. Since we have gotten married she has gained a significant amount of weight (nearly doubled her weight). I believe this contributes to the infertility issues she has. She has no desire to do anything about and is ready with an excuse for why her health has degraded so dramatically. She is unwilling to put any effort in any part of our relationship she expects to be waited on by me and our kid. In contrast many of my interests and hobbies revolve around fitness and healthy choices. I like exercising, running, and hiking. Instead of supporting my healthy lifestyle she becomes angry with me for "abandoning her to go for a run" instead of watching tv with her (I am required to meet physical fitness standards for my job). Currently she is nearly double my weight and the gap between us is expanding. I feel trapped by this cycle, she is overly sensitive to any help or criticism. She does not want to work even if we are in a financial situation that requires it. Besides the infertility issues we have she has also been unfaithful to me while I was deployed overseas because I did not pay enough attention to her. She has a way of making me feel like this is all my fault and I really dont have many people to talk to.


Any advise would be appreciated.


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## MisterNiceGuy (Jan 26, 2011)

Hey buddy, you need to run the MAP on her. Check out Athol's most excellent blog on this. Stop orbiting around her needs and make you needs first. The MAP | Married Man Sex Life


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I agree with MisterNiceGuy. Take care of yourself first. There's nothing wrong with a run or something.

Now, your wife needs some help. Serious help. I suggest getting her into some counseling and on a weight loss program. I realize those are easy words to type, but again, she needs some help.


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## tjsnfrd (Jan 25, 2013)

This is your wife. LOVE HER! Weight gain is normal during a marriage but it doesnt have to go to extremes. You mentioned that shes been unfaithful while you were deployed (very sorry to hear that!), so I have an idea. You can kill two birds with one stone (exercise and time together). Suggest that the two of you start taking walks together (start out going around the block and slowly increase the distances). Take her to interesting places for your walks to keep things fun and inspiring (nature trails, the park, etc). Mention to her that youd like to try riding bicycles together etc....something that will motivate both of you (so she doesnt feel targeted) and that will allow the two of you time together. Get your teenager involved if it helps....your wife just might like the idea of family time and youll be helping her get exercise at the same time. Once she sees a change in her physical appearance she may just start to feel better about herself and be confident enough to look for work! 

Hope this helps and good luck to you!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

"This is your wife. LOVE HER! Weight gain is normal during a marriage but it doesnt have to go to extremes. You mentioned that shes been unfaithful while you were deployed (very sorry to hear that!), so I have an idea. You can kill two birds with one stone (exercise and time together). Suggest that the two of you start taking walks together (start out going around the block and slowly increase the distances). Take her to interesting places for your walks to keep things fun and inspiring (nature trails, the park, etc). Mention to her that youd like to try riding bicycles together etc....something that will motivate both of you (so she doesnt feel targeted) and that will allow the two of you time together. Get your teenager involved if it helps....your wife just might like the idea of family time and youll be helping her get exercise at the same time. Once she sees a change in her physical appearance she may just start to feel better about herself and be confident enough to look for work! 

Hope this helps and good luck to you!"

Wow, if only it were this easy.


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## Clark G (Sep 5, 2012)

Sounds like you two have grown apart a bit. This happened to me as well.

You can still love her but it sounds like she is unhappy with herself and not willing to do a damn thing about it.

You have to be you. If this is who she is (which deep down it just sounds like she's gotten accustomed to this lifestyle and not who she is) then you have to love her for who she is.

It is ok to love your wife no matter what, but I truly believe that as a husband and wife the right person will make you a better person and make you want to be a better person and that doesn't sound like its happening here.

Sounds like you guys are on the precipice of a disaster and need to confront these issues immediately. You've entered that sacred 7 year itch phase and now is the time to make it work or sadly consider the unfortunate alternative but I would avoid that at all costs.

Joe


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