# How true is "too broke to divorce"?



## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

The Great Depression

The Great Depression and a drop in the divorce rate as well as birth rates.


ARE YOU TOO BROKE TO BREAK-UP? | Vikki Ziegler



The second link compares current times with the Great Depression. Back then, like the first link states, many unhappy couples stayed married, mostly because of finances. It was too expensive to divorce and support two households, similar to today.

Back in the 30's, women joined the workforce, while men couldn't find work. Many postponed divorce.

Today, many people live in a two income household. Many times, debt exceeds assets.

Many people say they stay in an unhappy, sexless marriage for the kids. Is that true or is it really a money issue? For the ones who divorce, many seem to end up living together again because of financial reasons.

Is it really money that prevents divorce and we just say we want to stay married for the kids? If both people were financially independent, would there be more divorced?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

For me, we are working on paying off debt. If the money was there, we could divorce and rent a home in the neighborhood so our daughter could easily see both of us. Money would make that decision much easier.

We do have an exit strategy. We have a verbal in-house separation and sleep in different rooms. We are slowly separating our finances. We are beginning to live separate lives. We each do our own laundry. Since there is no fixing our marriage, I am much happier and we get along better.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

In a way yes, but in a way the stress of finance also adds to the stress of not making a relationship work out either. The more stress, the less one has the ability to focus on a relationship which tends to dissolve if left neglected.

So people are too poor to divorce and in some cases, the reason why they are divorcing, finance might be a factor of a marital breakdown.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

It's probably somewhat common. I've heard "...it's jus' cheaper to keep 'er..." from many a friend and acquaintance.

It's worth nothing, though, that many of them do eventually divorce.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, there are many people who stay in bad marriages due to finances. Some don't want to give up anything they have, some don't want to accept a greatly reduced lifestyle and some really can't afford to divorce (whether it's right away or later or ever). That makes for a difficult life.

I know you wanted your marriage to work but the indicators were not positive. A successful marriage requires two people working together and you didn't have that. I hope things work out for you going forward.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Mr.Fisty said:


> In a way yes, but in a way the stress of finance also adds to the stress of not making a relationship work out either. The more stress, the less one has the ability to focus on a relationship which tends to dissolve if left neglected.
> 
> So people are too poor to divorce and in some cases, the reason why they are divorcing, finance might be a factor of a marital breakdown.



Yes, money is a huge factor for marital breakdown. Probably more than mismatched libidos.

If both had a good financial exit strategy, If both could be financially independent with equal custody, If temporary spousal support was due and wouldn't leave the higher income earner impoverished, divorce would be easier.

Looking at it from my wife's POV, she has not other options except to stay, happy or not. Once our debt is taken care of, it will be easier. Maybe by that time my wife will be earning more money.

As I had a year ago, I have a friend who would rent room in his home to me for $500 a month. It's about a mile away. Atm, that scenario isn't in the budget. I think we will be debt free in about a year as long as my business continues to be busy. I am even working Sundays and I may take a part time gig to earn more money.

There is some light.


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Openminded said:


> Yes, there are many people who stay in bad marriages due to finances. Some don't want to give up anything they have, some don't want to accept a greatly reduced lifestyle and some really can't afford to divorce (whether it's right away or later or ever). That makes for a difficult life.
> 
> I know you wanted your marriage to work but the indicators were not positive. A successful marriage requires two people working together and you didn't have that. I hope things work out for you going forward.


I am not afraid of a reduced lifestyle for myself. We are on a budget now to get out of debt. We live in an average size home in a good school district. We could sell our home and split our debt and the equity in the home, but that is just a very short term fix. That is an option though.

Other than sex, my wife is doing everything else I used to rant about. She even has dinner ready when I get home.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Is she still working?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Trickster, you have 3 threads going - one in the Private section where you are working on getting evidence, one in CWI where you are wondering how to explain to the kids why you are divorcing, and one here regarding divorce costs.

Am I to assume you found your evidence, confronted, she admitted, will not be remorseful and you are now divorcing ? All in the space of a few days ?


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

manfromlamancha said:


> Trickster, you have 3 threads going - one in the Private section where you are working on getting evidence, one in CWI where you are wondering how to explain to the kids why you are divorcing, and one here regarding divorce costs.
> 
> Am I to assume you found your evidence, confronted, she admitted, will not be remorseful and you are now divorcing ? All in the space of a few days ?


Sorry, I have no threads in the Private section nor in the CWI either. There's been no infidelity. Just sexlessness, now, no sex. You must be thinking of somebody else.

I did deleted many threads a while back when our marriage went totally sexless and we were calmly discussed divorce. My threads showed that I was severly depressed and I thought it would effect custody. I am rational now.

We are working on logistics and how we can manage two homes. We are still a ways off. Which lead to this thread. Yes, neither one of us want to break up our home, but if there was more money, my wife or I could move out and still live a block or two or a mile away.

The lack of money is keeping us together, for now.


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