# On my last leg



## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

My wife has told me she loves me but is not in love. We've been together since the age 16 I'm now 36. I love her so much and would do anything for her to love me back. I understand there's nothing I can do to make her love me but I as a person can't walk around feeling this heavy load on my soul. I take care of her my 2 kids as well as her blind brother. I cook I clean I handle all the financial areas and I still seems to not be enough. She tells me she's numb. I can't tell you how much it sucks to hear that come out of her mouth. I feel as though I'm not the right man for her anymore. I don't know what life would be like without her nor do I care to know. But I feel as though I'm running out if options. She says she's never loved me. I find this hard to believe but what should I believe? I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. This may be my last step. I now feel myself drifting further away from her. I no longer no what the point is on me trying to stick this out. All I need is a little light to strengthen me. 
Thanx in advance.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

The lost Husband said:


> My wife has told me she loves me but is not in love. We've been together since the age 16 I'm now 36. I love her so much and would do anything for her to love me back. I understand there's nothing I can do to make her love me but I as a person can't walk around feeling this heavy load on my soul. I take care of her my 2 kids as well as her blind brother. I cook I clean I handle all the financial areas and I still seems to not be enough. She tells me she's numb. I can't tell you how much it sucks to hear that come out of her mouth. I feel as though I'm not the right man for her anymore. I don't know what life would be like without her nor do I care to know. But I feel as though I'm running out if options. She says she's never loved me. I find this hard to believe but what should I believe? I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. This may be my last step. I now feel myself drifting further away from her. I no longer no what the point is on me trying to stick this out. All I need is a little light to strengthen me.
> Thanx in advance.


Oh boy! I am going to GENTLY say this but this sounds all to familiar to many of us here. Is it possible that she is having an affair? "I love you but am not in love with you" is almost word for word with what cheaters say. Furthermore, the "I was never in love with you" is pretty textbook. That part is what we call around here "re-writing marital history". It is a defense mechanism if you will for cheaters to tell themselves since nothing in the marriage was ever good, what I am doing now is no big deal. It is also a way to deflect blame for their actions.
I may be WAY off base here, it just sadly sounds all too common. Do you think there could be any truth to this? What are her actions?


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I'm truly sorry and feel your pain. I've been where you are and perhaps still am (though things seem to be better *today*)

It's the most hurtful thing for a man to hear. I know.

Of course the very first thing that comes to mind is your wife may not be 100% honest with you. Another person might have entered her life. The very first thing you need to do is to find out if she's completely honest. An emotional affair is a common cause for spouses to suddenly check out of a marriage (although it's rarely as sudden as it seems).

Once you establish (with full confidence) that your wife is still faithful, you need to find out what has driven her to this point. Don't believe for a second that she never loved you. That's very rarely the truth. 

It's ultimately up to you how long you want to tolerate your wife's behavior. She may or may not come out of it. It's very important to find out why she feels the way she does. If she's not cheating, there are things you can try to bring her back to reality.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

If you had told me this a few month ago I would go with it. I believe in my heart of hearts this isn't the case. It's not in her nature to do something like that.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

The lost Husband said:


> If you had told me this a few month ago I would go with it. I believe in my heart of hearts this isn't the case. It's not in her nature to do something like that.


What happened a few months ago?


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

The lost Husband said:


> If you had told me this a few month ago I would go with it. I believe in my heart of hearts this isn't the case. It's not in her nature to do something like that.


I know what you mean. Sadly though, her old "nature" is no good indicator of her new nature. Read the threads in this forum and observe the frequency of threads about "good nature" wives becoming reckless cheaters.

I don't mean to scare you. Your wife may be completely honest, but that's for you to establish (with full confidence) before taking the next step.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

She says she's numb to the world


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

The lost Husband said:


> She says she's numb to the world


You're going to have to elaborate a bit more. Numb to the world could mean she is conflicted over her feelings (i.e you and some one else) or it could mean she is depressed. Did she say what makes her feel this way? People just don't come home one day with an "f it all" attitude unless something is brewing, be it someone else, mid life crisis, inner turmoil via depression, etc.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@Senthetic. Things seem to be better at the moment. I can't seem to get past it. She has told me she can't keep wearing a mask. How do you handle the unknowing? You know that little voice in your head that keeps playing back the words " I'm not in love with you" or "I do love you just not the way you want me to". Why didn't you leave? How did/do know she not cheating on you? If I'm getting too personal please don't respond. I completely understand.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Classic signs of cheating or depression.


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

You mention that you take care of the kids, her blind brother, and provide for everyone.

How much time do you spend with her? Alone?

She probably doesn't feel connected anymore and I'm assuming it's a result of lack of quality alone time.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@thereal
Nobody said this was all of the sudden. When you start to feel a disconnect from your wife you start asking questions to her as well as yourself. I've searched deep into my own soul. I've found many things I love and many I don't. I've asked her many questions as well. The only answer she can give is "I don't know." that being said she has gone through depression before.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

Thanx guys.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

The lost Husband said:


> @Senthetic. Things seem to be better at the moment. I can't seem to get past it. She has told me she can't keep wearing a mask. How do you handle the unknowing? You know that little voice in your head that keeps playing back the words " I'm not in love with you" or "I do love you just not the way you want me to". Why didn't you leave? How did/do know she not cheating on you? If I'm getting too personal please don't respond. I completely understand.


I'm not a leaver. I take marriage seriously (though there have been times that I seriously didn't want to)

I first established that she was not being unfaithful. It's a very tiring and uncomfortable thing, and involves constant spying on your spouse until you're comfortable that they're not cheating. Some people find this an invasion of privacy and all sorts of stupid crap they call "immoral". Well, I don't believe in privacy between spouses and will spy on my wife again if I feel the need to. She left me without saying a word and was cold as ice to me. Any normal person would've become suspicious right away. Well, she was not cheating and I'm thankful for that.

My wife was/is going through a lot. She resented me for 3 years of subtle, but harmful neglect. I was depressed throughout our marriage myself and never realized how this had affected us. I did sincerely apologize for my wrongdoings and have become a much more balanced/affectionate person (she says). I actually fell in love with my wife all over again after we reconciled! It's been a very refreshing feeling.

Having said all that, my wife has hurt my feelings in the past (many times) and is even worse these days. I'm not sure how I manage to get through the day sometimes, but I've been feeling extremely lonely lately despite being in love with my wife more than ever. I've let her know about how I feel, but I'm not sure she really understands. She says she wants our marriage to work, but after the hurtful things she's said to me recently, I have a hard time allowing myself to believe her. 

I've promised myself not to give up until I truly have nothing left to give as far as love and affection. I love my wife unconditionally, meaning, I expect nothing in return in order to love her. On the other hand, my body/brain doesn't want me to continue getting hurt or feeling lonely. My previous experiences tell me love always wins over hurt. I'm still hopeful.

I will continue to be a good husband for as long as life allows me to. I have no plan to stop being who I am.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Sounds like your wife has a lot on her plate and went numb to cope with life. Please try to get her to IC and both of you to MC. It would be hard to work on things while one person is numb. While she's numb she's just coping and going day to day. She has the spark inside of her. Maybe IC would help so she can refigure her self out then MC. I've been numb before too. It's not fun.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@Synthetic. Thanx 

I know exactly what that lonely feeling feels like. In my own soul searching I have begun to love life. All that is missing is her. I am a much better person than I ever have been. 
Hate to admit it but I have done a bit of spying as well. She's always where she says she's going to be. 
I hate thinking of leaving I just don't know what else to do. I've opened up completely to her. I have nothing to hide. 
I can admit being emotionally unavailable in the past I was starting a new business witch supports us now. Believe me I would have stayed where I was if I had known it was the cause to get anguish.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@Hopeful. I know it's got to be hard. I've told her this as well. Not being able to feel all the love her family has for must suck. It's just really hard trying to do all you can without at least a glimmer of hope that things will be ok. I know I must sound quite greedy. I just want to feel her again.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

I'm new here IC = independent counceling?


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Yes IC is individual counseling. She has to find the reason/s she's numb, address them and fix them. If she's depressed antidepressants may help. Sometimes feelings are so overpowering they shut us off. The antidepressants might dull down some feelings so she can feel them without shutting down..


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

1) See the Men's forum about being a Nice Guy. This is critical for you.

2) Yes this screams a wife who is married to a very beta guy who has found someone else. The more nice you are the faster and further you are pusing her away. You are no longer attractive to her. IF there is an affair then that has to end before you can work on your marriage. You need to check her emails, facebook, phone calls and texts to see if she is focusing on someone else.

3) Married Man Sex Life

Sorry if I missed this but what does she bring to the marriage? Does she work? Does she share in taking care of the kids and her brother?

I am assuming that you are the primary bread winner but I am not sure from what you posted.

How much time to you spend together each week?


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@entropy. I find there's a huge difference between being weak and being kind. No one will ever walk over me. Nevertheless thanx. 
I believe I may have discovered a new strategy. 
Any how it's cool here. I like the openness. 
Thanx


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

WOMEN FALL OUT OF LOVE WITH THEIR HUSBANDS!!! It happens ALL OF THE TIME!! She's not cheating. I don't know why they don't tell us this in pre-marriage classes.

A man will RARELY be the prince in shining armor that a woman marries. He gets old. Fat. Loses hair where it should be and gains it where it shouldn't be. The honeymoon ends. 

Oh, and she's not coming back. They rarely do. I've been on these forums for almost three years.

They don't come back. Sorry.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

The lost Husband said:


> @entropy. I find there's a huge difference between being weak and being kind. No one will ever walk over me. Nevertheless thanx.
> I believe I may have discovered a new strategy.
> Any how it's cool here. I like the openness.
> Thanx


Sooooo. You do not wish to share any real information so we can get a feel for things. My comment on what she brings to the marriage was not rhetorical or cutting. It was a serious question in trying to determine what was up with her being this way.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

MRK I came back. I was gone emotionally. I was numb. Felt like I was shot full of Novocaine. For years. There were no affairs though. Life became traumatic. That was the way to cope. My husband woke me up with his words. Now I see him smile again and it makes me happy. He didn't smile for a long time.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@Entropy. Not the case at all. I just started to see that perhaps I got the information I was searching for. So I must say thank you to Hopeful. Your name pretty much sums it up for me. My wife brings a lot to the table. She's in school, she takes care of the kids, cooks and cleans as well. In fact the reason I began cooking and cleaning was because I noticed her struggling. I felt if this was going to work I need to make absolutely sure I was truly doing all that I could to be a team player. When she's weak I need to be strong and vice versa. 
Perhaps a woman could better answer; Maybe the "role" of the wife now in days is to provide financially as well? For the longest time I always thought women were cool staying at home. (how 1950's of me I know). I believe working gives you a since of value. (no matter the sex) She's been out of work for a while now and I think it bugs her that she's unable to contribute financially. It seems some times she thinks less of herself because she is unable to do both focus on school as well as work (something I've gotten over but she can't seem to shake). I often find myself trying to prompt her to help out on some of the financial decisions like she use to when she was working. I don't want her feeling left out.
I think Hopeful is right in saying you can come back. I think what I may need to do us work a bit harder in myself to help her out of this rut she's in. 
I spoke with her last night. She told me she's still very attracted to me
(we still have sex at least twice a week. Sometimes good sometimes bad. Although we haven't made love in awhile, it still feels to me it's more than just going through the motions). Unlike the description MRK gave. I'm in possibly the best shape I've been in a while. She also told me how proud of me she was. (something I needed to hear)
I once heard Marriage is a dance. I suppose after being with the same person for over half your life you can easily get tired and miss a step or two. No one should ever stay the same. We should grow as individuals as well as together to make things work. That is if it is worth it to you. 
Me being here on this forum was to discover new ways of thinking. All the talk of cheating (not to sound pompous) been there done that. Meaning I've exhausted that way of thought along time ago. It just isn't what's happening. 
I just wanted to see how other people dealt with a numb spouse. I apologize for not just asking that from the start. My head has been all over the place with this. 
I believe the key to this at least for me is patience, understanding and discussion. I think in that we can find the root cause/s of this numbness. 
Thanx once again. (especially to you Hopeful you really helped me to get back on coarse.) All that being said I now know what I need to do. So unless other need this thread, I'm cool. 
Thanx again.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Just let her know you think about her. Hold her hand when she's not expecting it. When your eyes meet give her a smile. Walk up and hug her out of the blue. Text her during the day just to say I'm thinking about you. If my husband had done those things while I was numb I don't think I would have been for so long. Just having that show of affection with no strings attached can help get though the day. Be careful not to over due it and become a door mat though. Your wife is lucky you care enough to help her through this instead of throwing the marriage away. I'm so glad I could help.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

Will do. 
C-ya


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## Emly (Feb 22, 2012)

Sorry to hear this and feeling sad for you but Sounds like she has an affair..


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

Im choosing not to worry about those types of things. Not one person out there can tell me that thinking that way ever leads to anything. If it comes out that's whats going on then I'll deal with it when it comes. I choose to live my life with integrity and show others through the way I live. If I'm running around checking emails, following, checking text, trying to catch her in a lie, (you get the point) what does that say about me? I've done all these things for years and felt way more miserable then I do now. I know it easy to point to cheating to me it's an easy assumption. 
It's a cycle I now just refuse to live by. Kinda just silly to me now.


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## 7cities (Nov 3, 2011)

My wife said similar things - I can say that I felt exactly like you. I thought I was following the right path and taking the high road. People on TAM kept telling me the same thing, and I had the same reaction you are. “I can’t lower myself to that standard and spy on her!”

In my case, I walked in on my wife and unfortunately there was no question she was having an affair. No spying required at that point.

I am not saying anything about your situation and believe me I really hope it is not the case, but anything is possible. 

Good luck to you!


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

If she is she is. There's nothing I can do about it. I just can't live my life in a constant fear of things I can't control. Bottom line is If she is I'm gone. So for me if and when I do find out that's what is happening. I'll start my new life.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

You were all right. Felt I had to admit I was wrong.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Lost Husband,

I really hope that doesn't mean she had an affair. If she did, I'm so sorry for you. Hang in there. Come here if you need to talk.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

Caught her cheating with a man that I think is married as well. 
Said they love each other. The dude live 3 states away and says in a year he is being transferred out to Cali. At that point they will move in together. 
Time for me to move on. Cant lie this is the hardest thing I've ever had to face. I know I'll make it. Just hard as hell. Once again I'm sorry for doubting. 
If you have any pointers on how to heal it would be greatly appreciated. 
Thanx again.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

That's what it means Hopeful. Looks like she's willing to ditch the kids as well. I must admit a new life may be cool. But I'm taking my time. 
Thanx for all your kind words nevertheless.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I am so sorry. No one here will (or should) ever say 'I told you so.' All it does is tears us up inside that another person has joined the ranks of the betrayed.

Does his wife know about his plans?


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## venuslove (Apr 16, 2012)

I feel for you! She doesn't realize what she has in you, perhaps because you have been there for her for so long. Also, maybe since you first were together at sixteen, she never got to experience anybody else? And with kids, you can start to feel trapped no matter how much you love your husband and family. I am at the same end of the stick as you, the one with the numb spouse. Well, he admitted to me that it was stress and he thought about killing himself all the time!! So, he is going to the doctor tomorrow finally to get medication if needed. But, I can't help but feel that maybe this is only part of it. That maybe he is cheating, too, because he said the same things your wife said. Numb, feels trapped, doesn't want to be a father! 
He is also going to graduate school. I'm not trying to say that this will happen or give you a false sense of hope, but I bet that after she is away from you for awhile and the newness of the guy wears off and she sees that he is a jerk (cause not only is he sleeping with another man's wife, but he is probably cheating on his own, which means he will cheat on her, too) then she will want to come back. Totally up to you if you would want that. I'm so sorry.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

To tell you the truth I think I'm done. I do believe she falling for a bad trick but as we all know I've been wrong before. Haha. I just want to find someone that I can really connect with. The trust is gone. The whole living in a different state. More than likely married and saying in a year they'll move in with each other seems far fetched to me. She told me he left his wife, for her not sure. The guy seems to travel a lot for business so I wouldn't be surprised if he has women in other states as well. Just the fact that he'd be willing to get involved with a married woman screams he's up to know good to me. A man that's cool with another man sleeping with the same woman is odd to me. But hey crazier things have happened. I told my wife it's over and to not contact me. I need to get over her. I take care of my kids I'm focused on them they make me a better man. I do feel a bit better knowing I feel like I can move on now I know the truth. Weather or not she'll come back I'm trying to not make it a concern. She may be the looser at the end of the day. I know I'm good man as dose she. I just hate the roller coaster of emotions. Staying busy helps me a lot. 

I hope your husband is not cheating on you it's a bad place to be. Never the less try to focus on your happiness it helps. It may even help him pull out of the numbness a bit.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@iheartlife. Thank you. 
I have no clue about his wife.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Cut off her access to your money and expose her affair wide and far especislly to the OMW or GfF.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@Shaggy. 
Trying to play it cool. I got kids. Theyre already hurting because of this. Besides I don't want to get boned in the divorce. Not to say I won't anyway. She is cut off from my money.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm not saying to be belligerent. But st this point the last thing you got is total exposure. She has made her choice, so you are just helping her announce it to the world.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Geez, this is a sad turn of events. Reading the first two pages of your thread I was really thinking that she was depressed and was going to post about that. Then I read your posts from today.

I agree with you that this whole thing of him living out of state is a red flag. He is probably still married, has other women, etc. 

How did she meet this guy? I guess she's met him in person. But it sounds like the relationship is mainly over the phone and/or computer.

Sounds like she has moved out. Where is she living? Does she see your children at all?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Lost H, so sorry you are back here with this and the way it turned out. I remember reading this thread and praying for the best for you. Now, I assume you've looked back at this entire thread and had a chance to reconsider the meaning behind everything you wrote - and when you realized that you were deceived, your world was turned upside down but atleast now you have a chance to go back and see that you really did do the best with all the information you had available.

This is a good place to recover from this, form a plan, vent your fears, frustrations and and sadness, have some fellowship with a variety of people who have had similar but different experiences.

I think if you haven't already now is the time to do some legal due diligence. Realize that she deceived you badly already and is perfectly capable of continuing it, so remain as amicable as you can to her her face but really protect yourself - close joint accounts today, call a lawyer tomorrow to find out your rights and how to have separation/divorce documents to protect your rights and share of the property. Depending where you are, some jurisdictions are very unsympathetic to the plight of good fathers, so please take the advice of the men here, do not assume anything, be proactive in protecting your rights. I wish you well, and want to let you know there is a lot of good by going through this, gives you a plan and purpose and when you start breaking free from all that there is a lot of satisfaction in life again (I'm a year out and still have some major emotional issues to cope with but it feels so much lighter and like a return to your real self).


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

The lost Husband said:


> That's what it means Hopeful. Looks like she's willing to ditch the kids as well. I must admit a new life may be cool. But I'm taking my time.
> Thanx for all your kind words nevertheless.


Two things you must do tomorrow:

1) Protect yourself
2) Protect your children.

Believe me - this woman does not give a crap about you. If she had, she would have been honest about her unhappiness with you and intent to leave up front. Instead, she relegated you to the role of Mr. Good Enough For Now / Mr. Back-up Plan.

If she would do that to you, she's not above screwing you over financially or in terms of access to your kids. Set aside a good chunk of cash and retain a good attorney _ASAP_. Spill everything (esp. the part about her plans to relocate with him), insist on establishing residency for you and the kids where you are at now, and follow his or her instructions to the letter.

Doing this protects you and the children. Trust me when I tell you that if your stbx is attached (or even enmeshed) to this other guy enough to just up and leave regardless of the disruption this will cause, being the best possible mother is not likely to be her priority. She will focus on fulfilling herself. You need to be that rock for your kids and ensure the best possible upbringing for them.

You don't want a situation where she either takes off with the kids or gets them for a visit and then decides to establish a life for them over there while you are fighting her legally wherever you are. I've met people who have had this exact thing happen to them.

The best advice I can give you is that you can go ahead and take your time in rebuilding your own life. But, regarding the legal aspects, you need to consider your stbx as your enemy (because she will think that way once you start the legal process) and be an absolute pit bull in defending your family. 

Also, start taking care of business for your kids now - teacher conferences and school events, days off, doctor visits, etc. Be completely involved (for your protection and the kids). Make it so you being an integral part of your kids' daily lives the default, which will make it much less likely that your stbx can just scoop them up and take off.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@Lon. I called and got some consultations today. I'm in California so I'm pretty much screwed. I can only hope to get her to sign the papers and say she doesn't want anything from me. That's my biggest concern right now. 
That and my kids.
She does see them. She seems to be couch surfing at the moment. But I only just found out a few days ago. Shes with the kids tonight seeing that im working. 
I have no idea how long this has been going on for certain but I have to imagine its been sometime. A year or two. That's only a guess. She won't tell me much about him or there relationship. 
If anyone has any ideas on how to get out of a divorce with the less amount of pain possible would be great. 
California seems to like to screw fathers. I'm hoping to get out of this without getting raked over the coals


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@DTO
The kids live with me. She doesn't work or have a place of her own. Nevertheless I will do what you said. I've already began checking the into attorneys. Like I said I'm in Cali this is going to be tricky for me. I believe all you said about her not caring about me.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Who's paying her way, if she doesn't work?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

One of my brothers (We’ll call him Joe.) lives in CA. I helped him a lot with his divorce over the last 2 years. 

There are a few things... educate yourself as much as you can. CA has a very nice self-help site. Educate yourself as much as you can about the process, system and laws. 

California Courts - Divorce or Separation

Joe went to court about 2 weeks ago for their final hearing. After 2 years they still had not settled on the final division of debts and the amount of spousal support she would get. When they got to court that day the judge told them that he would not hear their case.
Apparently that day LA Court system was closing down about 25 court rooms. So the judges were only hearing cases that included domestic violence. The judge forced Joe and his ex to go to mediation that day and settle.

Depending on where you live in Cali your divorce could take a long time if the two of you cannot come to an agreement on your own because of the court shutdowns all over the state.

Your comment that the courts do a number on fathers is not quite right. They basically use the DissoMaster software to calculate child support and spousal support. The numbers can be adjusted for special needs, but they stick to that for the most part. I can give you a link later to a place on line that will run the DissoMaster for you. We used it and their results matched the court mediator’s results every time. 

It all depends on the length of your marriage, how much each of you makes and what percentage of time each of you has the children.

You need to find a way to limit your spousal support obligation. Your best bet is to start encouraging your wife to get a job. The sooner the better. She needs to work. If you want the major custody of your children, somehow encourage her to go live with that guy out of state. 

There are several ways you can do this.

1)	Go the self-help way. It’s pretty straight forward.

2)	Use a mediator. This is a very good solution. You will probably end up having to use a mediator anyway due to court shut downs. So doing this could save you thousands in lawyer fees.

3)	Each of you hires attorneys for thousands each. Since your wife is not working you might end up having to pay her attorney fees as well as your own.

If you have any questions as you go through this let me know and I’ll share with you what I learned from the experience.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

@elgirl. Thanx I'll take you up on it.


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## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

For emotional support you may want to post in the Coping with Infidelity section. They have been there and know how you feel. Again, so sorry.


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## The lost Husband (Feb 16, 2012)

Well today is a bit hard. I told her I wanted a divorce. Funny how I'm just as afraid for her as I am for myself. Man this sucks. I hate all the emotions that come with this. 
I hope I can find love again. I just need to find me first. Me without her that is. its been so long I don't quite know who I am without her. I will be different when I get to the end of this road. I hope for the best.


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