# Just curious



## Shontell

Hi everyone! Totally new here and I’m not sure if anyone can answer my questions. I’m a 36 year old female married for a year to my loving 42 year old husband. Nothing makes me happier than being with him. But recently our sex life has been off. He doesn’t seem to want sex as much as I do so we’ve only been having it a couple times a month. Before we got married we talked about swinging and even started talking to another couple. Things were going fine until I chickened out when it actually came time to go meet with the other couple. I started feeling like it was “wrong” of me to want to have sex with someone other than my (at the time) soon to be husband. Now we’re having a huge rut in the bedroom and I’m starting to get the itch to bring someone in to fulfill the void I’m having at home. We talk about everything so my husband knows about all of these feelings and actually encourages me to act on them but I still feel wrong. Am I a bad person for having these feelings? Am I a bad wife if I act on them? Why is my husband so willing to let me do it? He says it’s because it turns him on. Which I guess I get but at the same time makes me wonder if he’ll see it as a free pass. Thoughts? Suggestions?


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## jlg07

MY opinion --- if you bring a third (or 4ths, etc.) into your marriage, you are asking for trouble.
I get that you are not getting enough sex, but why do you think your H would be ok for YOU to go out and get some -- isn't swinging supposed to be BOTH of you doing this (and not each going OUT to do it on their own)? To me, it suggests that maybe HE is already out there getting some, and won't care if you do -- 

However, let me state MY bias -- I would NEVER agree to share my wife in any way, shape or form (nor would I want her to want to share me either!)
There are some others here on the site that DO have that type of relationship, so they be better at providing you some answers.


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## uhtred

For some couples things like swinging can enhance an already very active sex life - thought it frequently leads to problems. I wouldn't recommend it if your primary sex life has problems. I think its more important to get to the bottom of that first. Do you have any idea why your sex life has slowed?



Shontell said:


> Hi everyone! Totally new here and I’m not sure if anyone can answer my questions. I’m a 36 year old female married for a year to my loving 42 year old husband. Nothing makes me happier than being with him. But recently our sex life has been off. He doesn’t seem to want sex as much as I do so we’ve only been having it a couple times a month. Before we got married we talked about swinging and even started talking to another couple. Things were going fine until I chickened out when it actually came time to go meet with the other couple. I started feeling like it was “wrong” of me to want to have sex with someone other than my (at the time) soon to be husband. Now we’re having a huge rut in the bedroom and I’m starting to get the itch to bring someone in to fulfill the void I’m having at home. We talk about everything so my husband knows about all of these feelings and actually encourages me to act on them but I still feel wrong. Am I a bad person for having these feelings? Am I a bad wife if I act on them? Why is my husband so willing to let me do it? He says it’s because it turns him on. Which I guess I get but at the same time makes me wonder if he’ll see it as a free pass. Thoughts? Suggestions?


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## Tilted 1

Please read this Threesome in Marriage here on TAM

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/435623-threesome-marriage.html?nojs=1#links


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## MJJEAN

If you stay in a damn near dead bedroom marriage, you're more likely to divorce.

If you have an open marriage/swing, you're more likely to divorce.

Pick your flavor.


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## Tilted 1

And read this Cuckold/Hotwife understanding **maybe TMI here on TAM

https://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladie...ife-understanding-maybe-tmi.html?nojs=1#links


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## Tilted 1

Your a sex toy, indulgence is death. And you know its wrong. Or know it a line that should not be crossed. There is a price to pay. And it's like fools rush in, then regret, loss, humility, shame, gossip, snearing, taken advantage of, comparison of a better male lover, trust, feelings of inferiority by you H, self-esteem, loyalty, disregard, compromise, void, inadvertent lust for another than your husband, loss of control, and lastly self degrading to which there is no end. 

Why?


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## Tilted 1

Shontell said:


> Why is my husband so willing to let me do it? He says it’s because it turns him on. Which I guess I get but at the same time makes me wonder if he’ll see it as a free pass. Thoughts? Suggestions?


Of course he wants another! 
And wants you to be the betrayer so when he see his wife getting pounded by another he has a reason to drop you, or just discard you.

Sorry, it's a rough road ahead when you already have doubts and concerns the are real.


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## Tilted 1

Read my signatures. Lots of Truth in them.


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## DoesItGetBetter?

Shontell said:


> Am I a bad wife if I act on them? Why is my husband so willing to let me do it? He says it’s because it turns him on. Which I guess I get but at the same time makes me wonder if he’ll see it as a free pass. Thoughts? Suggestions?


You are a good wife for wanting sexual intercourse to be exclusively between you and husband. This is one of the main purposes of marriage - exclusivity, commitment, etc. For him to want you to sleep with other men shows his total lack of loyalty. Mentally, he has no qualms about sleeping with other people, so beware! Has he done anything suspicious yet that points to infidelity in the marriage already on his end?


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## Diana7

Work on the marriage between the 2 of you.Adultery is never the answer.


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## EveningThoughts

A question for you from a different angle.

You say it turns him on.
Could it be such a turn on, that he is withholding sex to push you towards this option?

I'm not going to say that bringing in others occasionally will kill your marriage.

But if your husband isn't as high drive as you, having to rely on others for satisfaction, rather than it being an add on , won't be good for your overall wellbeing or marriage.


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## sokillme

It seems to me it's hard to make that lifestyle work when everything is perfect in your marriage, seems like a death sentence when you are having trouble especially around the very issue you are going to test. 

Seriously what's going to happen when you find someone who has the excitement of the newness that comes the first time. How is that going to compete with what is right now a struggle in your marriage? Do you really think that is going to make that issue better or worse?

Instead of looking for a quick fix I suggest you deal with the issue straight away.


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## arbitrator

Shontell said:


> Hi everyone! Totally new here and I’m not sure if anyone can answer my questions. I’m a 36 year old female married for a year to my loving 42 year old husband. Nothing makes me happier than being with him. But recently our sex life has been off. He doesn’t seem to want sex as much as I do so we’ve only been having it a couple times a month. Before we got married we talked about swinging and even started talking to another couple. Things were going fine until I chickened out when it actually came time to go meet with the other couple. I started feeling like it was “wrong” of me to want to have sex with someone other than my (at the time) soon to be husband. Now we’re having a huge rut in the bedroom and I’m starting to get the itch to bring someone in to fulfill the void I’m having at home. We talk about everything so my husband knows about all of these feelings and actually encourages me to act on them but I still feel wrong. Am I a bad person for having these feelings? Am I a bad wife if I act on them? Why is my husband so willing to let me do it? He says it’s because it turns him on. Which I guess I get but at the same time makes me wonder if he’ll see it as a free pass. Thoughts? Suggestions?


*You seriously need to be in consultation with a personal counselor as to why this particular lifestyle appeals so much to you! What you are largely subscribing to is adultery where you and your husband can keep tabs on each other. Bringing a third or fourth party in to your marriage is going to ultimately spur nothing but jealousy!

Sounds greatly like a cuckold mentality! 

Get the hell out of there and bring yourself back to sanity!*


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## Tilted 1

And when the conversation comes up again " it will" and he tells you that he respects your privacy, if you go along! And doesn't want to watch you during sex getting it, is BS he then he has to OWN the deed for which he asked of you. Then his mind will replay and replay over and over, of you taking the pounding of another and then will blame you for surrendering to his request. And when push comes to shove who do you think will be out?

And if you do get to that stage and you go ahead and do, because of compromise you gave in and did it. And he stops you right then and there, maybe just maybe your desire for the other man. Such as he's attractive and cute, has a great sense of humor, a beautiful smile, the right words, and the bedroom eyes of lust that suck you in, and when you get close to him you smell him and want him because it turns you on. " And was the one you should have had in the first place!". 

Then the real game starts the of your will, the aching and aching that to you that maybe he was the one, then you contact him outside of that night wanting to finish the urge and sweet memories of the moment that was cut off so quickly and taken away. This feeling you just can't shake because it is the same feeling that you got with your husband, and when the other man tells you that HE!! would never ever share you with ANYONE!! 

Then you will tell yourself " This is the true love relationship you was meant to have to last a lifetime". And so this marriage will dissolve and then you become the affair partner and take his marriage with you as well, then making you no better than your friggin husband. 

Yeah, so what are you thinking now? I do honestly want to know. I do hope that you make the right decision? I look forward to you future post, you at least have enough sense to look outside of yourself, and gain experience from those who can help with different views. 

Then stay and help others, who are conflicted as you once were. Then you can help stop and avoid the train wreck that is just around the corner. And if not and it is something other, at the very least it will be another point of view that another maybe those contemplating can choose for themselves.

Tilted


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## moon7

Shontell said:


> Hi everyone! Totally new here and I’m not sure if anyone can answer my questions. I’m a 36 year old female married for a year to my loving 42 year old husband. Nothing makes me happier than being with him. But recently our sex life has been off. He doesn’t seem to want sex as much as I do so we’ve only been having it a couple times a month. Before we got married we talked about swinging and even started talking to another couple. Things were going fine until I chickened out when it actually came time to go meet with the other couple. I started feeling like it was “wrong” of me to want to have sex with someone other than my (at the time) soon to be husband. Now we’re having a huge rut in the bedroom and I’m starting to get the itch to bring someone in to fulfill the void I’m having at home. We talk about everything so my husband knows about all of these feelings and actually encourages me to act on them but I still feel wrong. Am I a bad person for having these feelings? Am I a bad wife if I act on them? Why is my husband so willing to let me do it? He says it’s because it turns him on. Which I guess I get but at the same time makes me wonder if he’ll see it as a free pass. Thoughts? Suggestions?


I'm totally possessive and would never share my husbands "personal" with anyone (especially that i almost dont have it myself because he is a real low drive kind of guy who only wants sexy-times or watch porn 3 times a month), so im never sharing those scarce oportunities. 

And for sharing ME with anyone is the most non-sexy thing i can imagine EVER, i mean, a man who shares his wife is just a limp loser and if he even brought that to me i dont thing i would ever be able to enjoy sexy-times with him, because i wouldnt iimagine this amazing bull i would imagine an insecure loser who preffers have is "arsenal" fingered, if you know what i mean.

So, i would firmly say that there is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. You are on your own right to fewl this way and put a break on those kind of stuff and if he pressure you and withold sex with you so he can get his way, im sorry, but i would say HE IS JUST A LIMP BULLY WHO IS EMOTIONALLY ABUSING YOU BECAUSE HE CANT GET HIA PEE-PEE UP FOR MORE VANILLA STUFF. Maybe he need a big finger down there to help him.

Im sorry, OP. Im senging you a hug, and I know its not easy to deal with egoistical people. I hope all the best for you and im sorry for my lame english.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Shontell said:


> Now we’re having a huge rut in the bedroom and I’m starting to get the itch to bring someone in to fulfill the void I’m having at home. We talk about everything so my husband knows about all of these feelings and actually encourages me to act on them but I still feel wrong.


Now why am I NOT surprised that Mr. Wonderful has been manipulating you to the point where you want to open your marriage again? 

Look OP, this isn't rocket science. He got all excited at the prospect of being able to have sex with other women and YOU took that away from him with your silly ethics and morals and boundaries (please note my sarcasm here). He sees you as the person who killed his fun for him. So he's been pissed off and resentful that *you* ruined his fun and it's shown loud and clear in the bedroom. But the sleazy opportunist also knows that you *live* to please him (for some ungodly reason) and he's taking full advantage of THAT in order to get exactly what he wants.

Because here you are thinking that it's *YOUR* idea to bring other people into your marriage. 

Well played, Mr. Sleaze Ball. Well played.

Surely you're not so naive that you don't SEE how you've been manipulated????


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## Tilted 1

If you do go ahead and do this, just remember are you willing to lose your marriage? Intimacy is what bonds a marriage, not strengthen it.


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