# ohwowohwowohwow….



## minnesota59 (Apr 3, 2015)

I'm sure many of you have read about my stbxh starting an affair in Feb with a former gf. He filed for divorce, moved in with her and has been playing house since. His constant texts about coming over to the house because his "name is still on the mortgage" got me riled up enough that my atty sent a letter stating he only be allowed by giving advanced notice and if it were by mutual agreement. He contacted me yesterday stating that he was stopping by after work to which I responded, "Obviously the letter you received from my atty is open to interpretation?" He was a bit angry and said that he would never be allowed here because I would never agree. Stated he "misses home" and "would just like a moment there." I told him that he seemed to have forgotten that HE decided to leave "our property" and "our home" to make a home elsewhere, and that if my not agreeing to his visits bothered him, I would not apologize, it simply does NOT make sense.
Long story short, he came over and I said some pretty impolite things about his gf…just needed to get them off my chest..he told me he could never say he hates me…that we've both hurt and been hurt..then blindsided me saying he HAD planned on moving BACK into the house in March!!! Oh wait, wasn't that when his affair was blooming???:/ (and is continuing as I write this???)
Saw him at work today, and he said he can't imagine the house being sold to someone else. He wants to move back…I said the thing he is living with will NEVER be welcomed there so how would that work? Because he "opened up about this he is vulnerable" is afraid I will use this information as an advantage, when we have our settlement conference on Thursday.. how can I use that against him?? :scratchhead: I told him the marriage is done, what will be will be…he said legal things can always be Un-done..I responded by saying, but not the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual hurt...
I am trying to make sense of this newest development. I DO NOT love him, actually despise him at times, and would like some insight, comments,etc… I am completely bewildered….


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

He is trying to have his cake and eat it too. He's an extremely immature emotionally person.

You are far better off without him.

Extreme narcissist - all about him wasn't it? His needs, his thoughts, his hopes.... To hell with you, how you are, the damage he's done.

You are far better off! That man is off his rocker.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Sounds like it once again has turned out that the grass wasn't greener, after all.

I'm with LBH - definitely a cake eating narcissist. Take him back, and he'll be with someone else (if not her) again when you don't make him as happy as he's certain he's entitled to be.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Yup, cake eating.

My cheating STBX also told me the other day he doesn't hate me. Well, thanks, since I've done nothing to be hated for......


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Simple. You are Plan B in case it doesn't work out with his gf. And apparently his ego is big enough for him to be convinced he can easily talk his way back into your life (or he's just plain stupid).


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

minnesota59 said:


> I'm sure many of you have read about my stbxh starting an affair in Feb with a former gf. He filed for divorce, moved in with her and has been playing house since. His constant texts about coming over to the house because his "name is still on the mortgage" got me riled up enough that my atty sent a letter stating he only be allowed by giving advanced notice and if it were by mutual agreement. He contacted me yesterday stating that he was stopping by after work to which I responded, "Obviously the letter you received from my atty is open to interpretation?" He was a bit angry and said that he would never be allowed here because I would never agree. Stated he "misses home" and "would just like a moment there." I told him that he seemed to have forgotten that HE decided to leave "our property" and "our home" to make a home elsewhere, and that if my not agreeing to his visits bothered him, I would not apologize, it simply does NOT make sense.
> Long story short, he came over and I said some pretty impolite things about his gf…just needed to get them off my chest..he told me he could never say he hates me…that we've both hurt and been hurt..then blindsided me saying he HAD planned on moving BACK into the house in March!!! Oh wait, wasn't that when his affair was blooming???:/ (and is continuing as I write this???)
> Saw him at work today, and he said he can't imagine the house being sold to someone else. He wants to move back…I said the thing he is living with will NEVER be welcomed there so how would that work? Because he "opened up about this he is vulnerable" is afraid I will use this information as an advantage, when we have our settlement conference on Thursday.. how can I use that against him?? :scratchhead: I told him the marriage is done, what will be will be…he said legal things can always be Un-done..I responded by saying, but not the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual hurt...
> I am trying to make sense of this newest development. I DO NOT love him, actually despise him at times, and would like some insight, comments,etc… I am completely bewildered….


Its easy to say but don't overthink what he is saying. Its all basically meaningless like a great deal of WS will say when they want to keep all their options open. 

He speaks in great generalities which can be interpreted in several different ways. He wants you to think about this stuff which means your thinking about him. Its all part of the game they seem to want to play.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

minnesota59 said:


> I'm sure many of you have read about my stbxh starting an affair in Feb with a former gf. He filed for divorce, moved in with her and has been playing house since. His constant texts about coming over to the house because his "name is still on the mortgage" got me riled up enough that my atty sent a letter stating he only be allowed by giving advanced notice and if it were by mutual agreement. He contacted me yesterday stating that he was stopping by after work to which I responded, "Obviously the letter you received from my atty is open to interpretation?" He was a bit angry and said that he would never be allowed here because I would never agree. Stated he "misses home" and "would just like a moment there." I told him that he seemed to have forgotten that HE decided to leave "our property" and "our home" to make a home elsewhere, and that if my not agreeing to his visits bothered him, I would not apologize, it simply does NOT make sense.
> Long story short, he came over and I said some pretty impolite things about his gf…just needed to get them off my chest..he told me he could never say he hates me…that we've both hurt and been hurt..then blindsided me saying he HAD planned on moving BACK into the house in March!!! Oh wait, wasn't that when his affair was blooming???:/ (and is continuing as I write this???)
> Saw him at work today, and he said he can't imagine the house being sold to someone else. He wants to move back…I said the thing he is living with will NEVER be welcomed there so how would that work? Because he "opened up about this he is vulnerable" is afraid I will use this information as an advantage, when we have our settlement conference on Thursday.. how can I use that against him?? :scratchhead: I told him the marriage is done, what will be will be…he said legal things can always be Un-done..I responded by saying, but not the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual hurt...
> I am trying to make sense of this newest development. I DO NOT love him, actually despise him at times, and would like some insight, comments,etc… I am completely bewildered….


I think what he means is that he wants to buy you out in the settlement and move back into the family home and that means something to him--enough that he would take a less favorable settlement to get that. So give him the house if it can work just make him pay dearly for it.


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## minnesota59 (Apr 3, 2015)

He even showed emotion by crying, telling me how he never wanted it to go this far, that he was willing to try over the Christmas holiday last year to see if we could work on our relationship..I think he has forgotten that he was inebriated almost that entire time...
He had brought along a newspaper article about how I can collect on his social security when we divorce... "I brought this for you, it's to help you". ( Is he thinking maybe I should feel immense gratitude for his concern for me?? ) I've known about this for some months now, and had just recently read and saved the same article… 
I thank you all for your input, I believe I was thinking along the same lines. Guess I needed to hear that my thoughts are actually making sense again...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

He is most definitely:

1. Cake eating
2. Trying to turn back the clock and seem like the good guy who is also hurt to assuage his guilt
3. trying to get something from you by softening you up. Better treatment at the hearing possibly, so is now buttering you up so you will give him whatever he wants - don't fall for that


Go HARD on him, no soft touch, he is a ********* and will always be a douche bag


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