# compulsive lying and addiction



## yourgirl92

i have been in a relationship for almost a year now...its was about 6-7 months ago everything started unraveling...at first i always thought to myself i am so lucky he is the perfect man..he would be to anyone..he told me he graduated school was getting his PHD..had a really good job (was a partner in a business)..before i knew it everything was opening up in front of me..i started discovering his lies..his first lie i caught was when i asked him about his past (i always told him i dont care about his past because i dont but everygirl has a right to know)...it was the topic of his ex gfs and he simply named them and told me how long he dated them..one girl he told me he dated for a month and barely knew her when he actually dated her for 4 years almost...after that i started going thru all his emails and stuff over a period of time and came accross he was lying about everything..i mean everything small and big..he even fooled his family into believing all his lies..got a fake transcript made and everything..he even steals money from his parents and cons other people for money (around 100g or somewhat in the past 2 years)..i have given him so many chances before to change but he simply wouldn't..his lies got worse and he figured out how to play with my emotions by faking his tears saying the right things to hook me in and all that...in the year we are dating i discovered he started doing heroin..lots of it...he even lied about having severe kidney problems and having cancer so he could blame the symptons of using heroin on his fake illness so i wouldnt discover his lies...he was always doing drugs on and off since he was little but never this bad he was even doing heroin with my brother when i told him numerous amount of times not to talk to him...i love (loved idk?) him so much that i wanted to help him, make him get better because i knew deep down he is capable of alot of good...his family and i teamed up together and sent him to rehab and he agreed he will get help and wanted to change...the rehab program was a month long but he only stayed for 2 weeks making up lies about how he was being toutured there and came back.. i still gave him a chance and believed in him up untill i figured he was still using and lying ..not to long ago did i discover he is using again and still lying..so after weeks and weeks of fighting and arguing he is in rehab again..a different one this time and his parents are there supporting him through everything..i also talk to his therapist and recently they told me he is a compulsive liar and i guess i always knew just never labeled him as one...the doctor says its his childhoood that he couldnt handle and resorted into all this..everyday i ask myself will this ever stop? treatment this time might be different but will he ever change? isnt a relationship all about trust and love? i dont trust him one bit so is this a healthy relationship? does love even matter at this point because im just so hurt by his lies idk what to do anymore even though he is getting help everything keeps replaying in my head...idk can a person like this change? will he change this time around? is it healthy for me to be in a relationship like this?i just have so many questions and feel myself getting angrier as days go on just thinking about all the lies and pains? idk what to do anymore? what can i do? i know he is in rehab and i keep telling him just be honest about everything and put everything out there so we can move forward and he says he will but he keeps pushing it and pushing me away with that..i have no one to talk to so im on here asking someone for advice..i do believe he loves me but is this what you do to a person you love? please someone tell me what to do..do i help him or do i leave? i have lost all faith in him that he can change because i have given him so many chances and everytime he just got worse..he claims this time is different but how do i accept and learn to forgive what he did)? if you were in my shoes what would you do..


----------



## PFTGuy

If I were you, I'd get out of the relationship immediately and never go back, no matter what. If you need support, please look into al-anon meetings. This isn't all about him...I suggest you read about codependency and think about whether you identify with personal stories and behavior of people who have recovered from it.

Good luck, and peace...


----------



## yourgirl92

at first it was codependency but now its not like that..i do my own thing work and school but im scared if i leave him he will never get help..he tells me if i leave he has no reason to get better and he has put his family thru alot and they are depending on me to help him..his family and i are very close so its very hard to walk away without having his family hold me down...right now with him being is rehab is it good to leave him while he is going thru rehab or wait till he is done? or see if he has truly changed after rehab this time or will this time make no difference since its not the first?


----------



## PFTGuy

You aren't responsible for him, but you are responsible for yourself. Good luck...hoping for the best for you.


----------



## rjp1969

yourgirl92 said:


> ...right now with him being is rehab is it good to leave him while he is going thru rehab or wait till he is done? or see if he has truly changed after rehab this time or will this time make no difference since its not the first?


There is never a 'good time' for you to end it. If you end it now, with him in rehab, then he (or others) can blame you for interrupting the rehab
If you end it just after the rehab, you can be blamed for any relapse. 
If you end it 6 months / 1 year / 5 years further down the line, you can (and will) still be blamed for any relapse

Oh ... if you stay with him. 
If he ever relapses, then you will be blamed as well. 
Something you ...do/have done/did 16 years in the past/have thought of doing/might have thought of doing in the future... will have caused the relapse

Of course, he might make it. You, though, have a responsibility first and foremost to yourself. You need to look very carefully, and see what you really think. 'The cold light of day', so to speak. If you really, really think he can make it, if you think he REALLY WANTS to make it, then maybe he has a chance. 

On the other hand, if it's a load of wallowing in self-pity that he wants to do, and continually blaming others for what happens, then get the hell out of there.


----------



## Cosmos

OP, it might be an idea for you to edit your post and break it down into paragraphs, because I think you'll get more replies if you do. A large block of text can be a little off putting and a little difficult to read.


----------



## trey69

Lying usually goes hand in hand with addictions. Its best for you both to go your separate ways and get yourselves straightened out.


----------

