# Misery Loves Company



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

Let me preface this by saying I don't often use forums or the internet as a social tool. 
Let me also just mention that as I was typing this my divorce papers were served to me.
Any and all advice is welcome although my desire is more for words of encouragement and/or stories of survival.
My story: I've known, or rather felt, that my wife was having an affair for quite a while now. My inability to deal with the reality of my situation allowed the affair to continue and allowed my wife to have her exit strategy firmly in place.
Its been a little over two weeks since i confronted her about the affair. As much as I wish this were more shocking it was with my best "friend". The affair has been ongoing for probably nine months. Yes, I'm an idiot but I couldn't picture my wife of 8 years as the person she obviously is.
When confronted it was just "kissing" as seems to be the norm here. I called BS and she confessed. I offered to forgive her and told her she had to make a choice. Me or him. She wanted to make it work initially. I spent the next day drinking. Not the best decision I've ever made. Add it to the my list of faults. 2 days later I sat her down with my thoughts and self composed for a more official let's make it work I'd like to hear you say it back conversation. She said she didn't know what she wanted and needed to get some air. It was the last time I saw her.
She took the kids to her moms and told me she needed some time to think.
That was Monday. Thursday she texted she wanted a divorce and would be by to pick up some stuff. Saturday she arrived with her family and collected a not unfair amount of our belongings. We had one phone conversation the middle of the next week where she got upset I hadn't made an effort to see the kids or offer monetary support and probably filed the papers that day.
She had left us in a very bad financial situation and were close to foreclosure. My family swooped in with all the monetary and personal support a person could ask for. They've got my back. We've got 2 kids aged 5 and 7 that she is apparently seeking sole custody of. She reasons such by saying that I'm a "severe alcoholic with suicidal tendencies and have jeopardized the lives of our children". 
My penchant for beer is no secret but an alcoholic I am not. You don't know me so I realize this is all heresy. I have many faults and a history of depression is a biggie. I've not been the husband we all thought we were until he looked back. Emotionally unavailable at times. Distant and distracted. Financial issues had put a lot of stress on the marriage and I didn't step up to relieve the pressure. 
Not that it matters now but I know that some of distance and lack of affection was due to my knowledge of the affair. I may not have been able to admit the extent but I resented the amount of time they spent together. The whole family was freinds. Kids the same age that were friends the OM and I and her and his wife. But I wasn't stupid just avoiding the truth.
This ended up being much longer than I had intended. If there are any details I left out just let me know. I'm typing this in a bit of a paralyzed and automatic state. More details than feelings right now while I absorb how my 8 year marriage literally exploded in less than 2 weeks with no remorse from her at all.
Thanks for any kind words you may have. Advice is welcome. Slandering the wife is not encouraged but the thoughts are in my head as well. I'll try to take the high road. Now I get to try to sleep in the house I can no longer afford. Alone.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

So does the other man's wife know? I hope so.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

Yeah. The wife fooled around with her a little bit too. Maybe more. I'll never know. Shes taken pretty much every aspect of my life and spat on it. I see plenty of wives asking forgiveness, being dumped after the affair was revealed to the OM's spouse etc... 

I realize now that living well will be the only revenge I can get. People say what comes around goes around. It seems to keep coming back to me though.

Did I mention the OM is indirectly my boss as well? I have a couple friends in town but it's a small place. My family/wife, my house and belongings, my work, and my "friends". Gone in 2 weeks.

I could deal with 1 or 2 of those at the same time but with exception of my family I've lost the entirety of the life I spent 8 years building.

I'll move on but the idea that life will improve is seemingly very far fetched at this point.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Look at your legal options asap.


----------



## Wideopn Dave (Apr 11, 2013)

I feel your pain. My marriage of 19yrs exploded in my face in 7 short months; wife had an affair as well (in fact 6 in total)

For what its worth, she sounds like she is in "the fog" of infatuation that occurs in an affair. Her affair partner seems like the ideal "man of her dreams" and is so much better than you etc etc. My ex wife's line was "he loves with the passion your seem to hate with"....that line was delivered 7 months ago, 3days after D day but now, surprise surprise, she is divorced and available and the OM doesn't want her even though they're both single. Go figure.

Now, whatever YOU do now, do not blame yourself for your WW's behaviour mate. It was a CHOICE she made to take any problem she may have had with you outside the marriage. A CHOICE!!

The marriage councilor we saw soon after d day 7 months back made that quite clear to me XW. 

Focus on YOU right now. Do the 180 (I should have but didn't) and work on improving YOU for no-one else but YOU. I have lost 20kg and in 7 months am back to fitness levels I last enjoyed when I was in high school. I feel great.

As far as the kids go, seek advice from a lawyer asap. I am fortunate that my daughter of 17 chose to stay with me.

As hard as it is for you right now chap, the sun does come up tomorrow and life does go on and little by little the initial shock and pain subsides. If you truly love this woman, despite the betrayal, and you believe she is worth reconciling with, fix the things in YOU that YOU don't like and give her space. 
When the fog disappears for her and the affair blows up (which in most cases is what happens) then she will realise what she had with you and want it back. You can decide what is best for you then.

Hang in there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Time to out your "boss" and "friend" my man scorched earth what are you waiting for.


----------



## Wideopn Dave (Apr 11, 2013)

If there is no hope of reconciling, then get mean quickly. Go for the jugular because if you don't, she probably will and then you're on the back foot. 

A divorce is a street fight...no Queensbury rules mate. Its broken bottle necks and flick knifes. You don't want to be the one un-armed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

A polyamorous affair? Does your "friend" have an open marriage?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Wideopn Dave said:


> If there is no hope of reconciling, then get mean quickly. Go for the jugular because if you don't, she probably will and then you're on the back foot.
> 
> A divorce is a street fight...no Queensbury rules mate. Its broken bottle necks and flick knifes. You don't want to be the one un-armed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Get your indirect boss fired also!


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Well, you know you've got to quit drinking. It was an issue for your wife and you admit drinking to escape.

Sounds like your wife is leaving you for them. Makes it even worse. She is unhappy with you and OMW is in on it.

You should care for your children 50%. Can you do it?

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

I would be willing to reconcile but the tenacity shes come after me with and her inability to accept any blame or seek counseling make any hope of R less than likely. Maybe she will miss me maybe not.

I'm trying the 180. I've been to a counselor twice now and have a meeting with a psychiatrist about med management in 2 days. I went to the gym today and had planned on getting an actual membership tomorrow to continue improving myself. 

With the papers arriving an hour after I got home and the realization that this is over and money for such extravagances as gym memberships is without question gone I fear I'm going to falter. 

She is coming after me like you might expect a person to if I had been the WS. No communication and immediate divorce. Wanting full custody and complaining that I didn't do enough for her and the kids in the 2 weeks since she left. 

For what its worth it was less than 2 weeks before I started asking for them but she wouldn't answer the phone or texts. I know the lawyer will rip apart the divorce she is seeking. She doesn't really have a leg to stand on but I know that will just make her more vindictive.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Man up and make your boss suffer!


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Where are they living?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

Yeah, I haven't had a drink since she left. I feel it's important to mention that she drank plenty of wine herself. Not as much as the beer I drank but more than I feel the average person would.

She would often buy me the beer unsolicited because I'm a happy and lovey drunk. Never mean. She says that she did it just so I would be happy.

It's not the only time I was happy but it was more obvious I'm sure. 

The gloves are off. As far as I can tell she just filed and doesn't actually have a lawyer as yet. I had my appointment set yesterday for tomorrow so timing couldn't have been better I suppose.

Shes not going to get what she wants and I know it but the fact she wouldn't even consider making this work is the worst of all.

She obviously hasn't loved me for quite a while and somehow I was to self involved to notice. 

BTW, I'm open to any deserved criticisms of me and my character as well. I wasn't perfect but I was faithfull and even if she'll never know it I always loved her and thought she was beautiful.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Gr8Panoz said:


> Yeah, I haven't had a drink since she left. I feel it's important to mention that she drank plenty of wine herself. Not as much as the beer I drank but more than I feel the average person would.
> 
> She would often buy me the beer unsolicited because I'm a happy and lovey drunk. Never mean. She says that she did it just so I would be happy.
> 
> ...


I'm not judging out your boss there are consequences!


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

Shes currently with her parents. They are LDS and never really approved of our marriage. They're likely hoping to bring her back to the church. I'd bet my next paycheck they've already got a guy for her.

I of course could be wrong. I don't know if she still see's or talks to the OM. It's been the hardest thing I've done so far not to snoop or check to see where her car is parked.

For what it's worth I haven't a doubt in my mind that the work situation would work quite in his favor where it known. Should anyone care, they would remove me as his position is of some import and mine is not. I'd be removed to keep the work area drama free.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Dude you will be fine.
This crap was built on nothing but a fantasy...hell I'm guessing even if you didn;t live life well your old ladies life is going to be a hell of a lot worse.

maybe its me but seeing your wife in 40 years man after man only to be found dead by the postman in a trailer ful of cats and cat boo....

Damb sorry I forgot you mentioned not to cap on your old lady.

My point is still the same ...were in the hell can this all go in this small town of yours...I mean she took you for everything and yet she ends up at her folks house...were does she go from there???

Not to the OM the OMW wife??? wouldn't that be something?

I suggest you get your lawyer, you handle this crap and move on and learn.


BTW...I did the same sh!t you did for 13 years...IDK if I'm luck or not but my old lady stuck around. That a whole different story.

She started banging strang 7 years into the M and I just shut down for 13 years. Two months before our 19 anni I had enough and confronted...the crazy chick stuck it out.

In your case you might be the lucky one....you my friend now have control over your own destiny, instead of some chick.

Whats sad is your boss (OM) is going to screw over his girl friend (your wife) by firing you.....or you tell your wife you want a rise if she wants more support. The way I see it the OM is screwed either way you lose your job his girl friend is pissed at him, if he keeps you around he's pissed at him self.

Now thats one way to stress out a relationship when your girl friend tells you that you have to give your ex husband a rise so she can have more support....I'm I thinking out side the box or what?

Here again there is always a way to make lemon aid out of lemons.


How about this....tell your wife to tell OM you want a raise and only will work part time to take care of the kids so she can have more time with her boyfriend????

My point to all this nonsense is you can and should make this affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible>


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

tom67 said:


> Time to out your "boss" and "friend" my man scorched earth what are you waiting for.


:iagree:


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

I won't make it easy. I'll make sure it's fair. I'm not vindictive or spitefull (yet). One of the few ways I'm able to cope is by knowing that at least currently I'm being a much better person than her and I've got to try and keep it that way.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gr8Panoz said:


> Shes currently with her parents. They are LDS and never really approved of our marriage. They're likely hoping to bring her back to the church. I'd bet my next paycheck they've already got a guy for her.
> 
> I of course could be wrong. I don't know if she still see's or talks to the OM. It's been the hardest thing I've done so far not to snoop or check to see where her car is parked.
> 
> For what it's worth I haven't a doubt in my mind that the work situation would work quite in his favor where it known. Should anyone care, they would remove me as his position is of some import and mine is not. I'd be removed to keep the work area drama free.


count your luck stars you got out of that family.

Sound like a entitled princess...

There has to be better chick out there beside some girl who's family supports her adultory...whats sad is they don't have a clue and either will the new husband that they fix her up with.


Opps sorry for dissing your chick.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How did you eventually find out about the affair ? How much did you find out ?


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> How did you eventually find out about the affair ? How much did you find out ?


Please explain if you could.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

I snooped on her phone. It's funny since she had it locked and I couldn't get in but my 5 year old knew how and when I saw she was playing on it I took it from her. She donated plasma with the guy for extra cash and thats when a lot of the transgressions took place. 

Her quote which I will never get out of my head was "I want to make out like we're teenagers". "Can't wait to kiss you", "rawr", among others. 

At first it was ideal as the donation center is half an hour away and I figured I was saving gas money.

One more detail I found out from a friend of the family. She told her parents it started when we "swapped" and continued after that. 

His wife is extremely unattractive and no amount of alcohol would have made that trade possible.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Wow, now thats damage control!

made you out to be a pervert and of course their poor little girl was forced into it and she could help but feel emotionally attached to the OM that you forced on her.

Dude what ever proof you have you should send it to he folks and let them know you are asking for their support to keep the family unit intact and that what every they heard is false and can be proved.


But then again those folks aren't worth it.

You can do better!


----------



## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Two things.

One. Your business would never fire you for your POS boss/'friend' having an A with your W.

The lawsuit potential would be enormous if they did that. It would be classified as retaliation. They would have to be the stupidest ownership of all time to do that.

So fire away at work.

Two. If her fanatic LDS family has another guy lined up, make sure to get in contact with the guy and tell him to watch out as she's a cheating wh**e who tried to cover her tracks with her clueless family by fabricating some bs 'swap' story.

It will be good justice for her and her stupid family who are obviously trying to help her destroy your M and kids lives/home.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

There's no proof of my being faithfull. And of course, the OM and the OMW will back her all the way should the argument ever arise.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

The problem at work is that they wouldn't have to fire me. Just move me to another department. I'm "fortunate" to be where I am as most positions at work are shift work. I currently have straight days and would get moved to a shift position working rotating 12 hr shifts. They wouldn't need a reason.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sir it may seem hard to understand but your chick has such low self esteem, she does it with ugly chicks.

Go find a real women that can be loyal and appreciate a mans man and not some POS with a ugly chick.

Opps their I go again with the diss on your old lady...sorry but I can't help my self.

Even when my old lady screwed around on me she was smart enough to do the heavy lifting to keep the family unit intact....your chick gave up on that and it pisses me off.

Its hard not to diss a chick who cheated her own kids out of there family/ father.

The point...get a lawyer ASAP! 

You are a dozen step behind..its time to get a several steps ahead and be there for your kids and not let some WW take that away from you.


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Have you confronted this friend ?


----------



## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So she lied to her parents that both of you were swapping spouses ?

Did that happen or did she lie about it to look less worse to her parents ?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gr8Panoz said:


> The problem at work is that they wouldn't have to fire me. Just move me to another department. I'm "fortunate" to be where I am as most positions at work are shift work. I currently have straight days and would get moved to a shift position working rotating 12 hr shifts. They wouldn't need a reason.


But how is your old lady going to spend night with these POS if you work swing or grave yard...you have to work days so you can watch the kids at night when the inlaws get sick of it.

I'm assuming here but it is possible.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

No, we manage to not see each other at work. I'm fortunate to have this week off as the plant is shut down. It'll be back up next week and I'll get to go in and see him again knowing now that it has cost me my marriage.

It's foolish but I had been holding out hope. It's a small religious town and I don't feel my prospects are very good for finding love here.

I don't want to be single. I enjoyed my married life and I suppose I was to comfortable with it. Let the spark die. He ignited it.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Sorry for ranting.

My intent is to make you look at things in a very different light.

I may be completely wrong but just being aware of the possiblities my inform you in your choices and others agenda.

I'm curious, have you asked for some sit down time with your FIL (father inlaw)...I mean ther grand kids are about to lose their father...one would think that at the very least he would want to confront you?


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

For Warlocks clarification, no there was never a swap. Can't say it wouldn't have been different were his wife not very overweight and unattractive.

For what its worth, even in my depression, I know that in a hot or not contest I'd score considerably higher. I'm no stud but he's less attractive than myself.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

I haven't tried to meet with the in-laws. He's a good guy but he's a slave to the MIL. He might care to meet but it's her decision and he'll support her in it. Who knows what else she's told them about me. It's my word against hers.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gr8Panoz said:


> I don't want to be single. I enjoyed my married life .


NEVER EVER LET ANYONE KNOW THIS!!!!!!!

As far as your are concerned your wife is a cheater and you are happy to be away from this betrayal.

I know it sucks...been there...but you have to fake until you make it.

If anyone ask ..."its the best thing to happen...you wish her the best and are looking forward to meeting a loyal women and showing your kids a good examble of a healthy and happy marrige"

In addition id anyone asks, tell them " she brought out the worst in you and are looking forwrd to a better life with out her"


seriously dude were is your damage control?



You have been playing into the bad guy role and wanting her back so bad everyone believes her crap...stop!

Smile wish her the best and your priority is your kids and working on your self so another chick can reap the rewards!!!!


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Through your own admission you made every misstake in the book, I'm trying to help.

My old lady did change her tune until I started smiling and letting go and thanked her for giving me the "get out of jail free card" by finding the OM and letting me go.


Chick dig confident men...hell if you listen you just might save your marriage.

Just let her go.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gr8Panoz said:


> I haven't tried to meet with the in-laws. He's a good guy but he's a slave to the MIL. He might care to meet but it's her decision and he'll support her in it. Who knows what else she's told them about me. It's my word against hers.


Phuck that!

Its real simple.

" if you are concerned as much as I am in keeping your grand kid's family unit together you will give me one chance to say my peace"




Side note...no wonder your chick is like she is look at her father figure.....dude I'm pro marriage but every time you post I want to say run!!!!!!


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

That is good advice. I'll try to heed it. As for begging her to come back? Little late for that methinks. I don't wish her the best but I'm sure she's not wishing it on me either.

With the papers today, I think my angry can come out.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

Yeah, I'm failing at marriage and divorce. Don't worry, I know she's not a good person. I could do better personality wise but I always knew I was lucky to land as good looking a girl as I did.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gr8Panoz said:


> I could do better personality wise but I always knew I was lucky to land as good looking a girl as I did.


Man that sound fimaliar, next time around I'm finding me a bigggest ugliest one I can find...they try harder.:rofl:

YA i'm bad...give me a break folks my Chargers suck and I'm really off tonight


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If you can take anything from tonights post its this. Don;t let her define you!
She made the choice to cheat and decieve. month ago she could have told you to pound sand and bail, but she continued her betrayal until you caught her.

You have to admit that you can look at her in a whole different light ...in fact you are one of the few poeple that truely see her for what she is ...until her next husband....but who knows she just might find an husband just like her dad.


You know what? Your MIL is never going to let you around your FIL....you manned up and she is afraid it will rub of on him.

Dude get a lawyer know your options and get it done and go fins that girl who has respect for her father and appretiates a guy that has learned a great lesson on another women expence in how to now takes care of her. LOL


----------



## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

That or you could find someone like me, which has both 

Just sayin'

There are women out there who are smart, kind and beautiful... and who cherish their relationships and don't cheat.

I'm no prude and have shared a kiss or two with a girl in my lifetime, but ewwwwwwww she was sleeping with both of them and now she is going back to her church family?

Have you started working on strategy with your attorney?

You mention drinking etc.. did she file at fault or irreconcilable differences?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gr8Panoz said:


> Yeah, I'm failing at marriage and divorce. Don't worry, I know she's not a good person. I could do better personality wise but I always knew I was lucky to land as good looking a girl as I did.


HOW IN THE HELL CAN YOU SAY YOU FAILED AT A MARRIAGE WHEN THE CHICK MADE A CHOICE TO CHEAT AND BREAK YOU LIKE SHE DID!!!!!!

Dude this **** breaks the strongest of men... its how we handle it...but let me say each and everyone of us deny the possiblity and it always takes time.

man I have been here way to long and let me tell you not many guys run a deal breaker like theu think.

Granted some guys need the smoking gun and some guys confront and bail, but at the end of the day it always runs thru our head " is she really doing this"

Some guys can bail right of way and some guys bails and just leave sh1t unadressed...going thru there marriage never answering to there old lady and smacking her dwon when she mouths off.

My point is there is all type of ways guys handle there own sh!t ...thats what makes us men we handle our own business and the way we want.

Sure it can be argued whats wrong and whats right, but at the end of the day phuck em do for you what you gatta do!


Done with the rant.
Now get a lawyer and fight


Going back to her word against yours....whats she got on you with regards to the booze??? She made some alligations? Don't you have poeple just like she has poeple that can "back you up"?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One last thing.

Your chick is still seeing OM.
But now she is getting off hidding it from her mom and dad, instead of you.
That thrill is addicting.

Trust me its addiction and if they can't hide it form there spouse they will find a way to hide it cuz it won;t be any fun otherwise.

dude hire a PI ask your folks with some dough and nail this down!

Go James Bond, hell you guys are still married ...it don't matter were she lives.

Adultory is having sex with someone other then your husband.

Now that you guys are *NOT* living together it should be easy to nail her. See in her mind she thinks she is now single! 

Again you are still married!!!!!!!! AND SHE NOW GETS OFF HIDING IT FROM HER MOM!!!!! So go get the proof and give it to your lawyer....hell your lawyer might know a good PI.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Gr8Panoz said:


> I won't make it easy. I'll make sure it's fair. I'm not vindictive or spitefull (yet). One of the few ways I'm able to cope is by knowing that at least currently I'm being a much better person than her and I've got to try and keep it that way.


Not fighting for your family does not make you the better person. This is just an excuse to walk off with you tail between your legs while another man destroys everything you have.

Put him and his wife on cheaterville.com.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

OK. FULL STOP AND START PLANNING. I MEAN NOW. Not here to beat on your mistakes. You know you effed up. SO START TO WORK TO FIX IT GOING FORWARD!
1) Assume shes gone. Dude shes evil. I dont see any hope.
2) Usually working her in her affair fog works in to your advantage. Not this time. She is cunning evil and at war with you.
3) CHIN UP! You have the TAM Army behind you now. And WE KNOW HOW TO MAKE WAR!!!
4) I assume you have proof of an affair right? You DID SAVE IT RIGHT!!!!????
5) First back it up offsite including making a copy onto a 2 USB drives given to two different houses of your family. In addition get some cloud storage online for a third location.
6) K your first opening attack is at the LDS. Find out where her parents go. The LDS church itself is INCREDIBLY FAMILY oriented, LDS or not. Hit the elders of HER PARENTS CHURCH with facts facts facts and ZERO suppositions. 
7) STAY 100% alcohol free until this war is over.
8) IIRC Idaho is a PITA to divorce in. LAWYER UP!
9) Womens looks past "doable" are a bonus. Once a woman meets your minimum in looks which should be fairly modest and equal to your own sex rank; brains, compassion, loyalty, stability are far far FAR more important. Im not saying date a woman you find unattractive but going for the evil 7/10 just aint worth it.
10) Is your family local? If not can you move to a larger place within reasonable commute distance to your kids?
11) Its all about making the terrain in this war more to YOUR FAVOR. Right now she has the high ground. You need a lawyer to help YOU get the high ground or at least get her off the high ground.
12) ALL ATTACKS need to look family friendly. Your answer to the judge is ALWAYS "for my kids" "Im not perfect but at least Im not screwing a married person" may or may not have good hold on the judge. You gotta find out this judges weaknesses and tailor to their preferences.
13) You need and have allies besides us: Your family. LET THEM help and love you as one of their own.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Gr8

How old are you and your wife?

How old are your kids?

Do you love your kids?

Have you documented your wifes abandonment and her refusal to let you communicate with your kids?

It is time to show some backbone and show her some consequences.......

Do not make this easy on her. No more drinking and get a damn good attorney.

HM


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Definitely expose to her parents... I grew up LDS. They will be mortified and regardless if they like you or not, could likely be a solid ally for you.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Gr8Panoz said:


> The problem at work is that they wouldn't have to fire me. Just move me to another department. I'm "fortunate" to be where I am as most positions at work are shift work. I currently have straight days and would get moved to a shift position working rotating 12 hr shifts. They wouldn't need a reason.


Moving you to a less desirable shift can be considered an "adverse action" against you. If you document a complaint against the boss for banging your wife, any adverse action against you can then be considered retaliation as apposed to a "business need". Then you very well could have a civil claim against the company if they try to f*ck with you. The larger the company, the better the chance for success.

Ask your divorce attorney to recommend a labor attorney for a consult; one that would work on a contingency basis - assuming he doesn't also handle employment law. Time for you to take the gloves off.


----------



## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Gr8Panoz said:


> The gloves are off. As far as I can tell she just filed and doesn't actually have a lawyer as yet. I had my appointment set yesterday for tomorrow so timing couldn't have been better I suppose.


SInce you're in a small town make an appointment with every local lawyer for a consultation. Pick the best one. Because you've seen all of the others she won't be able to retain them.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

Happy Man, I'm 31 and she will be 28 in December. 

Truthfully I suppose I don't have documented proof of her affair. She confessed but I didn't record it or anything. Her phone would have the proof, but I don't have it.

Her parents know about the affair. I made her tell them. Thats where the "swap" story comes in. Made her look a little less guilty. 

My kids are 7 and 5, both girls. Yes I love them. I won't be drinking anything for a while. Maybe ever again. We'll see.

I don't know if I missed any other questions. I'm staying pretty well defensive of my charachter and knowing that I'm a better person. It won't make much difference in the long run though.

I'm meeting with the lawyer on Thursday. I have a written log and the texts on my phone to support my desire to see the kids and reconcile our differences.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

How do you feel about not seeing your kids? Is it weakening you?


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

Not sure about weakened. Lonely, absolutely. My life had a purpose 2 weeks ago and now I'm lost. Overwhelmed by the decisions I have to make coupled with the sadness and fear of uncertainty. 

I feel I'm handling it pretty well all said and done. Not getting drunk or stupid. Trying to stay busy. I'm not going to get any tats or other stupid body mods to flaunt the pain I'm feeling.

I know what not to do. I'm working on what I should do. Feeling weak. Yeah I do but I'm dodging it as best I can.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

*Shes currently with her parents. They are LDS and never really approved of our marriage. They're likely hoping to bring her back to the church. I'd bet my next paycheck they've already got a guy for her.*

This is the real bad part for me. If you are not LDS her family will not have any sympathy for your marriage and her sticking it out with you. I have LDS friends and my one cousin left the LDS and his wife D him. They do not take well to LDS married to non LDS and I would say that to my LDS friends.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

Yeah they've never really approved of my marriage. And she's a mommys girl running to her every time things got hard. Any mistake I made she'd up and leave to her parents for a week or so. 

Looking back it makes me sick to have seen the signs and not dealt with them. I feel that most of the people in my life have been scheming against me for months now.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Keep talking. It will take time to process everything but while your were in denial you were also working on this subconsciously. You need to see your kids. They need to see you. Make it happen. No relationship discussion with your wife. It will just set you back.


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

I am meeting with a lawyer tomorrow and won't attempt any contact until then. she has been ignoring any attempts at contact anyways.


----------



## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Gr8Panoz said:


> I am meeting with a lawyer tomorrow and won't attempt any contact until then. she has been ignoring any attempts at contact anyways.


Good. You need legal counseling.


----------



## BetrayedNoMore (Mar 13, 2013)

1) Don't move out of the home for any reason!
2) VAR, VAR, VAR at all times on your person!
3) Motion the kids be returned to the martial home ASAP.
4) 180 time!

ID is a 5 year waiting period statue for no fault divorce. Adultery is a fault, use it. It sucks that is also a community property state as well. So inventory EVERYTHING.


----------



## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

After talking to your lawyer, find a way to tell her parents that there was no swap and also find her bishop in the LDS church and tell him. Adultery does not go over well in the church.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Are her affair partners also LDS?


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Gr8Panoz said:


> Yeah they've never really approved of my marriage. And she's a mommys girl running to her every time things got hard. Any mistake I made she'd up and leave to her parents for a week or so.
> 
> Looking back it makes me sick to have seen the signs and not dealt with them. I feel that most of the people in my life have been scheming against me for months now.


What kind of group is it, that doesn't support keeping the family unit together?

Are Later Day Saints that phucked up that they would prefer the break up of a family so one of there own could step in?

I just don't get it!!!!!!!!!


However I do get the fact the MIL virgina whips FIL and WW has a crappy examble of a healthy marriage!

Maybe LDS have nothing to do with this sitch.....but its all about the jacked up MIL, who would rather break up a family then watch her little princess have to respect someone like her husband.

The FIL is in one phucked up marriage......you on the other hand got a chance to get out with respect.

Again that FIL is got to be one poor son of a b1tch to deal with that MIL!!!!!!!


----------



## Gr8Panoz (Sep 10, 2013)

No they are not LDS. I'll have more to report tomorrow after I see the lawyer. Had a realator at the house today. Not looking good. Some people have it worse but this is bad. My family has stepped up in ways I'd never imagined. With the single story I've heard I can't imagine what else she has told her parents. This is going to get worse. I begged her to stay and work this out. Nobody will win this. But who will lose more? My daughter mentioned that mommy says lots of bad things about me. She also said once she gets a new daddy she can callhim by his name because I'll always be here real daddy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

so why haven't you exposed this far and wide? 

stop sitting on your a55 while she re-writes your whole marriage and bad-mouths you to the kids.

expose these people for what they are- lying, cheating, scum.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dude she is warring on you. The wedging the kids thing.... I know some people who divorced who would willingly cut each other to pieces with knives they hate each other THAT MUCH... 

Yet they do not wedge the kids against each other. The one thing in the entire universe they agree on is to not poison the relationship with the kids against each other.

And yet yours IS DOING JUST THAT. 

EVIL

Destroy!


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Its time for you to fight for your kids not for her cheating as$. Fight with full force and capacity.

Expose her and him through FB to all the family and friends before your wife and her lover make you a demon. Which may even result in you loosing the custody of your children.

Your wife is tooo callous. Its not time to sit sobbing and crying but time to fight, realise this first.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

This really does not make any sense - even for a cheater (although trying to understand the mind of a cheater is beyond anyone). Why would she have an affair with someone who is

non LDS
Less attractive than you
And also with a wife who is overweight and unattractive

There is definitely more to this than meets the eye - either she is a callous cheater who would cheat with anyone, or she is really upset with you and is looking for a way out, or she is really upset with her current life and is looking for a way out. In any case you need to continue with the advice being given here. It is not so much about the AP and more about your WW and while you need to expose as much as possible to nip the affair and the OM in the bud, you also have to deal with your WW which is what things like the 180 is for and also build yourself up. So decide what you want to do re your WW - but continue to strengthen yourself.


----------

