# Husband, oral sex and masturbation



## ailatan (Apr 16, 2012)

Hi, I need help from all the men out there to help me understand my husband. When we were dating we had a awesome sexual life, he would perform oral sex on me almost everyday, we had sex everyday, usually about 3 to 4 times a day and the in the beginning of our marriage we kept things like that. Then I got pregnant and our sexual life decreased a lot, he wouldn't perform oral sex on me and we would have intercourse (if I was lucky enough) once a week and I understood that I wasn't attractive anymore ,he was always very very loving, caring, kept telling me how pretty I was, but SEX, no, he said he was nervous with the baby, it was a big change in our lives and all that. So right after I had my baby I got my body back, exercised, had sex with him 3 weeks after I had my baby, now I am looking pretty decent again, got my body back,but our sexual life is not the same at all. He just stopped giving me oral sex, and I perform it on him pretty much every time we have sex, he is not so interested in sex anymore and when we do have intercourse he doesn't last more than 5min. When we were dating he loved watching me masturbate and now he walks away when he sees me doing it and says "-I'm sorry, I didn't know you were busy" and leaves. He only wants to have sex with me on top of him. Once I was performing oral on him and he was lying down (he is always lying down) and I put opened my legs on his face and he kind of went down there but he was trying to pretend he was doing something and it was awful, like he hated it. I am very clean, I shower about 3x a day, I keep her all shaved for him, I do everything I can and when I talk to him about it he says I am wrong. That I am imagining things. PLEASE, what do you guys think it is? I need help!!! How do I get him to want me the way he used to?


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

he might be watching too much porn and now he is selfish like porn actors.


----------



## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I have heard that for some guys once their wives have kids they have problems seeing them as anything more than a mom at that point.

You may want to ask him about that, or go see a MC about that.


----------



## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

I got no easy answers for this one. What I'm fairly sure of though is that none of us here are going to be able to do anything other than make wild speculations. In the end, the answer can only come from an honest heart to heart between you two.

His answer of "your imagining things" may be a correct answer but it's to the wrong question. You are not imagining that you aren't turning him on as much as you'd like. That's a real fact. The question is, "What can you both do about it?"


----------



## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

was your husband in the delivery room when you gave birth? just wondering because sometimes seeing your vagina open up and a baby come out sort of "weirds out" some men. After my husband witnessed it with our first child he mentioned being shocked by how wide it opened.  If this is the problem for your husband, he may just need some time to adjust to the fact that your vagina is more then just a place to put his penis.


----------



## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

As the above poster stated the baby was the trigger and he now see;s your Vagina in a different way and not in a sexual way,he saw a whole lot of stuff come out of there and the man is freaked out plus like another poster wrote he may now be seeing you in the mommy role and not the wild sex wife role anymore. You need to sit him down away from the bedroom and talk to him as somebody else also wrote and just stop guessing,
if he says everything is OK tell him it not from your side and you need oral sex from him and you want him there when you get yourself off and tell him how much you love him and how important it is to you and maybe even shed a loving tear so he knows it means something.
When he does go down on you make sure you show him how much you like it and if he does walk away again when you are getting yourself off after you talk with him go grab him or go sit next to him and continue and pull out him penis and keep doing yourself.


----------



## ailatan (Apr 16, 2012)

Replying to one of the answers above, yes, he was in the delivery room with me, but he didn't really look because he cannot stand seeing blood (hahahahha), so he just kept looking at me and looked at our son when he was out already. 

I really don't know what else to do. I cannot be seen just as a "mom". I am a wife, and on top of that, a woman, a sexual woman. I love sex, I want to give my husband pleasure. I want him to give me pleasure and be more adventurous than just me on top of him for 5min and then he ejaculates. I want him to last a bit longer, I want him to try "new" positions, I want to be more than a "mommy" in bed. But all that I am saying here (open, and with all the words) I cannot say it like that to him. I feel like he is going to judge me and think I am "dirty" (even though that's how we used to be). Sometimes it feels like he thinks it's dirty to have sex with me. It might be with people say, that because I am a mom now, that is all I am. I wish I didn't have the fear to tell him with all the words that I still am sexual and I want more things, like oral, and all that, and not try to say that in another words so he won't think I am "dirty".
And I don't want him to give oral sex because I asked for it. I want him to do it because he wants to, because it is a pleasure to him, just like it is a pleasure to me giving him oral. I love doing that, I love to see how he is enjoying it. I like all of it. I've even offered him a threesome with another woman, just to see if it'd spice things up a bit, but he said "-NO! I don't need another woman. All I need is you, you satisfy me completely". I really don't know what else to do.


----------



## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

Does it take you a long time to climax when he gives oral? For me I got to where I didn't perform near as much as when we first dated. There were a couple of reasons. One it didn't turn me on as often as it did at first, and second it would take her forever at times.
We have been married 23 years and I haven't done it for a long time. There are some other reasons though. We were not close for several years and then she had an affair. It has been 3 1/2 years since her affair and I don't know if it is something I will ever feel like doing again. Other then that our sex life is pretty good.
Also she claims the oral isn't as important to her as it used to be. Occasionally she uses a vibrator other then that it seems she likes orgasms from penetration better.
I hope that helps a little. My advise would to be flat out ask him why!


----------



## t_hopper_2012 (Apr 17, 2012)

I agree with all of the other responses that encourage you to talk to your husband about this issue. The funny thing, he may not be able to give you a concrete answer - because he may not know himself. (Or, he may know, but it's not something that he is comfortable with or willing to admit to you).

This is where a good counselor would come in. They are not all the same and it may take a while to find one that fits the two of you - but it will be worth it to try.


----------



## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

You could go out of the box and try this even though I still say sit down and talk with him.In many nice sex stores and you can order on the net now they have games that couples can play were you role the dice it might say give her oral for five minutes or massage him for five minutes ect and there are other games with the same kinds of thing,these games help get things started ,so get some wine and candles and tell him you have a special night planned,put on some sexy undies and have him do the same then have a good time.If he ejaculates quickly then cuddle and kiss for awhile then start getting him ready for round two. 



I still say you need to talk to him also because he may feel everything is ok,I would imagine one of the reasons he married you was because of your wild side so I don't see him thinking bad about you.


----------

