# Diary of an almost cheater



## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Ok, so... I don't expect any of you to remember this, but a few months back I was going through a perplexing and confusing time around being married and feeling attracted to other men (specifically black men, don't analyse me please). Well it's always been there, just dormant and have just not gone there in my mind by choice, as you do as a married woman. Well, that's still there and probably always will be, but the circumstances that arose around that time have settled alot. The circumstances were that during a good but unsettling time in my marriage (H in job limbo and selling our property to buy a house), for whatever reason I found myself having inappropriate thoughts about other men and my radar was a bit switched on. On the space of a week, a gut I happened to meet in a normal, appropriate situation flirted and asked me out, I said no but in my frame of mind at the time I enjoyed the attention and I said I was in a relationship of 4 months, rather than a marriage of 6 years. No details were exchanged, I have no chance of seeing him again, but my response to that situation troubled me.

A second situation arose, again the situation itself was innocent (a new bible study group at work). I sensed this guy (who I found attractive but made absolutely none of that evident) was interested. I didn't know I was supposed to bring a bible, and this guy who ended up sitting himself next to me shared his iPad app with me. Well... sitting close with this guy, personal space, in my frame of mind, was not helpful. I had gone back to that bible study a second time, same thing happened, but have not been back since. 

Although I got through both trials, I felt weakened somehow. 

There was.a third situation which I have not shared in detail, and this is something I find hard to share as I know many here have been hurt. On the offset, olive will say that nothing "happened". I was in a crazy frame of mind and those two earlier situations did not help. I am wondering now if it was a manic episode or something like that (yes I am Bipolar). for this reason I increased my mess which seemed to help. I was also having sleep issues for months leading up to that week. 

So what happened the third time was that I was googling things I shouldn't be, and I found someone in my area on craigslist and sent a message. In the week that followed, a few messages went back and forth. I told him straight out that I was married and not sure if this was for me, but possibly interested in a one off discreet affair. He said he was open to it. Nothing explicit was exchanged,.it, no racy photos, sexual talk, but we arranged to talk on the phone. That conversation was more, how does this kind of thing work, what are.you looking for etc. The second chat was say a week layer, I told him I had made my decision and that I couldn't go down this path

Between the two conversions, and over this whole time, olive was really troubled, praying to God for help, telling myself I need to talk to H and turn away from this immediately. I did manage to find the courage to talk to him, it was really really difficult and I got through the first two but didn't make it to situation no 3. But it made me realise that I did not want to go through with this or hurt him in this way. Even though it was not a full confession, it was very sobering bringing this into the light.

The temptation is still.there, but I don't feel like it's taking over my mind. But it's not completely gone.

I know I should tell him the rest, I know that's the tight.thing.to do, even though in my mind I could try to justify.it saying "well nothing happened so there's nothing to confess"

This is all I can write for now. Thx for reading, will share installment no 2 tomorrow re the H's sex.addiction which adds a whole bunch of fun to the mix 

Peace
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

The longer you wait the harder it will be for him to believe nothing happened. 

You need counseling/therapy of some kind. One of these days you will go through with it otherwise.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

Be VERY careful, Quiet. You're teetering on the brink. Give some *real serious *thought about what you have to lose. Would it be worth it? Just something to think about.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

And as far as your hubby's "sex addiction," as long as he's only addicted to you, where's the harm?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

In order to be held accountable for your actions, you need to confess EVERYTHING to your husband. Your failure to do so is nothing short of cowardly. I'm sorry if that comes off as a bit harsh, but I get the feeling that you didn't need me or anyone else to tell you that in order to understand that it's true.

Are you attracted to your husband at all?


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Polanski, Thumpper and Phil your advice is noted. Pol, I probably am a coward, and yes I am attracted to my H
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I'll echo my earlier sentiment...

You need to tell him EVERYTHING in order to be held to account for your actions. If you fail to do this, the chances that you'll eventually choose to engage in an affair are probably pretty high.

And yes, something did indeed "happen" -- you expended somewhere between 75% to 90% of the willful effort required to engage in extramarital sex w/ another man.


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> *And yes, something did indeed "happen"* -- you expended somewhere between 75% to 90% of the willful effort required to engage in extramarital sex w/ another man.


:iagree:


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## commonsenseisn't (Aug 13, 2014)

Take heart, you can prevail in this struggle. Easier said than done, but you can do it, and you should do it for the sake of your future happiness. Your husband and others are depending upon you to be loyal, faithful and true. Here's some lessons I've learned that you might find helpful:

Actions are results of what you allow into your mind and heart. If you don't want horrible actions to blossom into your life then the time to avoid them is when they start as thoughts and feelings. I'm telling you to control your thoughts and feelings, thus your actions will follow in line. 

Don't put yourself in no-win situations. This means do not tempt yourself. If you don't want to get burned then don't play with fire. 

Self discipline is a virtue. Cultivate it. Hold yourself accountable. It will help you in every aspect of your life. 

Idleness will always invite you to get into trouble. Keep busy doing productive things. Schedule your life with the intent to harden your defenses against those quiet moments when your heart and mind want to go to dark places. 

Get some professional help. I perceive you have some issues that need sorting out. 

You can do it. You must do it. Your happiness depends upon it. Good luck.


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Trickle truth is very dangerous, although you did the right thing confessing, sparing details in order not to hurt your partner often has the opposite effect when the facts come to light.

The first two where sort of harmless, but the third was definitely you going out looking to cheat. Definitely more dangerous and serious.

You sweep this under the rug and as you put it "you are still attracted.." then what's to stop you from going all the way since you've already tested the waters?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

The other posters are right....confess everything ASAP.

One, after your partial confession, your H may start digging into things....you may think you have covered your tracks but you can never be totally sure, and if he discovers you actively sought an A on his own it will be far more disastrous for your M...any trust he still has left for you in the M will evaporate instantly and he may never believe you didn't go through with it.

Two, you now know in your mind how exactly to set up an A with another man to fulfill this unhealthy obsession...it lurks there in the back of your mind as a potential future option, you may even have told yourself that this choice will always be there if you change your mind in the future.

Telling your BH everything will allow him to realize the danger and allow you both to put in boundaries/actions that will shut this avenue down for you forever (or at least make it da*n near impossible for you to try to use without getting exposed).


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Was all this going on in your head when you got married?

If you're so interested in other men that you get itchy sharing a Bible, something is wrong.

If you are no longer invested in your marriage, tell your husband, get counseling or get out.

If you still love your husband and marriage, but just crave the attention, grow up and act like a married woman.


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

Who is Olive?


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## Oldfaithful (Nov 27, 2013)

It is common for people with bipolar to get hypersexual when they are manic. I think you need to talk to your husband and tell him the whole truth. Something did happen. I am not going to say that you couldn't control yourself and it's all manic behavior. But he deserves to know.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

QuietSoul said:


> Ok, so... I don't expect any of you to remember this, but a few months back I was going through a perplexing and confusing time around being married and feeling attracted to other men (specifically black men, don't analyse me please). Well it's always been there, just dormant and have just not gone there in my mind by choice, as you do as a married woman. Well, that's still there and probably always will be, but the circumstances that arose around that time have settled alot. The circumstances were that during a good but unsettling time in my marriage (H in job limbo and selling our property to buy a house), for whatever reason I found myself having inappropriate thoughts about other men and my radar was a bit switched on. On the space of a week, a gut I happened to meet in a normal, appropriate situation flirted and asked me out, I said no but in my frame of mind at the time I enjoyed the attention and I said I was in a relationship of 4 months, rather than a marriage of 6 years. No details were exchanged, I have no chance of seeing him again, but my response to that situation troubled me.
> 
> A second situation arose, again the situation itself was innocent (a new bible study group at work). I sensed this guy (who I found attractive but made absolutely none of that evident) was interested. I didn't know I was supposed to bring a bible, and this guy who ended up sitting himself next to me shared his iPad app with me. Well... sitting close with this guy, personal space, in my frame of mind, was not helpful. I had gone back to that bible study a second time, same thing happened, but have not been back since.
> 
> ...


I would recommend that you go for CBD counselling as soon as you can. Your doctor can recommend a specialist in your area.

But do stay strong. If you need help, TAM folks will be your back up.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Forest,
1. No
2. As I said, I now suspect I may have been manic given the other symptoms I had going on and the improvement since I increased my meds. 
3. That is not the case
4. F your personal judgment
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Old Faithful lol sorry that's my phone spell check and me at 1am. It should have said "I"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

All I can do is echo the thoughts of the others. Ask your husband for his help as well. This is a serious issue and it calls for serious attention.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

To everyone else, thx for your advice and frankness. Yes, I do agree that I need to tell him. I think I will try and do it with the support of a counsellor who can keep me accountable. I found it so hard to confess what I did, and I had started confessing with the intention of getting it all out. I will get there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Have you thought that maybe you should just ask him for a divorce? Then start dating black guys? 

You are sexually attracted to black men. You are not going to just be able to will that away. No IC can change who you are attracted to. You will behave for a while, but soon that ache will reappear and you will be in the same place again in the near future.

Ask yourself if you are being realistic.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> Have you thought that maybe you should just ask him for a divorce? Then start dating black guys?
> 
> You are sexually attracted to black men. You are not going to just be able to will that away. No IC can change who you are attracted to. You will behave for a while, but soon that ache will reappear and you will be in the same place again in the near future.
> 
> Ask yourself if you are being realistic.


This is just silly. Show me a married person who ISN'T attracted to other people at some point. Better advice would be to get her husband involved in her fantasy somehow, role playing or whatever. AFTER she tells him the rest of it and he has time to process it, and assuming the two of them do some hard work on their relationship together.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> This is just silly. Show me a married person who ISN'T attracted to other people at some point. Better advice would be to get her husband involved in her fantasy somehow, role playing or whatever. AFTER she tells him the rest of it and he has time to process it, and assuming the two of them do some hard work on their relationship together.


In most instances I would agree with you. 

Except for the fact that she has reached out to black men three times, the third time with her going on Craigslist.....

Craigslist? Are you kidding me? That's courting danger of a whole higher degree. 

How does a husband get involved with her black guy fantasy and still maintain his self esteem? Picture me this if you will.....


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

:


Oldfaithful said:


> Who is Olive?


Kinda wondered that myself. :scratchhead:


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> In most instances I would agree with you.
> 
> Except for the fact that she has reached out to black men three times, the third time with her going on Craigslist.....
> 
> ...


She's BP apparently - she may have crossed a line that someone who isn't BP wouldn't. I don't know - I don't know the first thing about being BP, but I think part of that is acting out things that others just think about??

As for how to involve the husband - how does anyone involve their spouse in their fantasies, whatever they may be? Maybe she'd like him to say certain things to her or something, I don't know. And obviously, it's all up to him if he even wants to try it. 

I do not agree that the first thing she should do is divorce him and live out her fantasies. She needs to figure out if she can live without acting them out first, i.e. she needs to seek some professional help here, and not from a lawyer.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

I really think that Quiet is going through some emotional turmoil and I wish her the best. She came really close to adultery, but decided, totally on her own, not to follow through with it. She's stronger and more committed than she knows.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

thummper said:


> I really think that Quiet is going through some emotional turmoil and I wish her the best. She came really close to adultery, but decided, totally on her own, not to follow through with it. She's stronger and more committed than she knows.


And I agree. I commend her for the strength she has shown, but she also has to admit she has a huge weakness. Where her BP plays into this nobody knows. 

All I know is that we are attracted to who we are attracted to. Yeah, she may be attracted to her long suffering husband as a provider and companion, but sexually attracted to him? I don't know if she's being honest with herself.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Glad you stopped before going any further.

I do hope you and your H go to counseling to help with his pain.

Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.

I do hope you will find happiness with your H and the other mess is not worth it. 

You will blow up your life, like my wife did to ours.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> She's BP apparently - she may have crossed a line that someone who isn't BP wouldn't. I don't know - I don't know the first thing about being BP, but I think part of that is acting out things that others just think about??
> 
> As for how to involve the husband - how does anyone involve their spouse in their fantasies, whatever they may be? Maybe she'd like him to say certain things to her or something, I don't know. And obviously, it's all up to him if he even wants to try it.
> 
> I do not agree that the first thing she should do is divorce him and live out her fantasies. She needs to figure out if she can live without acting them out first, i.e. she needs to seek some professional help here, and not from a lawyer.


This isn't a situation where hubby can wear a latex dom suit, or dress like Napoleon, or strip nude and cover himself in whipped cream to engage his wife in one of her fantasies. This is a fantasy involving interracial sex...biiiiiiig difference with this one. 

I just don't know how her husband could do it. Renting a hotel room and allowing her to spend the night with a black guy, just to try to get it out of her system, is a definite impossibility. 

I just don't know how she solves this.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> This isn't a situation where hubby can wear a latex dom suit, or dress like Napoleon, or strip nude and cover himself in whipped cream to engage his wife in one of her fantasies. This is a fantasy involving interracial sex...biiiiiiig difference with this one.
> 
> I just don't know how her husband could do it. Renting a hotel room and allowing her to spend the night with a black guy, just to try to get it out of her system, is a definite impossibility.
> 
> I just don't know how she solves this.


I don't either, but I think she needs to explore options on solving it before she calls it quits. Maybe all she really wants is to be able to close her eyes and imagine hubby has a big black one when they make love. I dunno. But that's way in the future anyways. She's going to counseling, admitting the whole truth, and that might be the end of her marriage anyway. I guess time will tell.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I hope it's not the end of her marriage. I know that I would be deeply hurt in the same scenario. As a man you like to live the illusion that you are meeting all your partner's sexual needs. 

Most of the time that's not the case. Women are complicated and they like what they like, and they often are ashamed to admit to their husbands what they like.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

QuietSoul said:


> I know I should tell him the rest, I know that's the tight.thing.to do, even though in my mind I could try to justify.it saying "well nothing happened so there's nothing to confess"


I think your husband deserves to know what kind of person to whom he is married.


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## Finder (Aug 12, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> In most instances I would agree with you.
> 
> Except for the fact that she has reached out to black men three times, the third time with her going on Craigslist.....
> 
> ...


Agreed. This is really shady behaviour and I think she has a very low chance of changing because if she thought it was so wrong it wouldn't have happened in the first place. I'm curious if she'll actually go through with it and tell him about the last one.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Every time she has left and come back to TAM it has been progressively worse each time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Every time she has left and come back to TAM it has been progressively worse each time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit, maybe you could share (at a high level) this progressively worse decline. 

Notwithstanding the bipolar thing, I have faced similar trials and tribulations in my life and having made the right decisions feel I am the better for those experiences but don’t feel cathartic revelations of those experiences to my spouse would be positive in any way to me, her, our marriage and our family.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SpinDaddy said:


> Bandit, maybe you could share (at a high level) this progressively worse decline.
> 
> Notwithstanding the bipolar thing, I have faced similar trials and tribulations in my life and having made the right decisions feel I am the better for those experiences but don’t feel cathartic revelations of those experiences to my spouse would be positive in any way to me, her, our marriage and our family.


Read OP's other threads.


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Hi everyone. 

TAM has been a really safe place for me for I think a few years now. I first came into contact during a crisis point in my marriage (not caused by me, which may come as a surprise to some of you).

I know this section is mostly made up of people who have been extremely hurt by their partner's betrayal, and I am not expecting to be patted on the back or considered angelic (i am fine with most of what is being said here) but I do ask that you also let this be a safe place for people like me who are reaching out and hopefully stopping my H from being hurt in the way others here have. 

Yes, I have bipolar I, which developed in my teens. My H also has bipolar II, and one day if/when we have children, they will likely also have it. I have had some sh*t doctors who tried to tell me how I would turn out and about all the things I would never be able to achieve in life. I also have had some amazing, fantastic doctors who worked with me and had hope for me despite the text book odds. The fact I am a responsible adult who holds down jobs, doesn't medicate myself with illegal drugs, doesn't blow our money on pokies and has been more honest with my H to date than he has been with me throughout our relationship (until now), I am not going to cop out and say "marriage is too hard, i'm the way I am, let's divorce". Despite my illness and what happens to me physiologically when I am high, I am responsible for my behaviour and although I can't control certain thoughts or feelings, I do have the power to reach out and be vulnerable and honest
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

1. Yes, I find BM attractive, so shoot me. I'm not ashamed of that, it is what it is, i'm just trying to work out how to live with that when i'm having an episode and keep my end of the marriage deal in tact.

2. Yes, I am attracted to my H

3. If you want to know about my "track record", i'm in the room, you can ask me if you want to know, I am pretty open and will answer most questions
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

QuietSoul said:


> 1. Yes, I find BM attractive, so shoot me. I'm not ashamed of that, it is what it is, i'm just trying to work out how to live with that when i'm having an episode and keep my end of the marriage deal in tact.
> 
> 2. Yes, I am attracted to my H
> 
> ...



My posts weren't meant to denigrate you....only to point out that during your third episode and contact with the third man, you were using a channel (Craigslist) that has a proven track record of getting people killed. I think there was a case in the last couple of years where a person was lured into a tryst by an unknown craigslist stranger and then raped and murdered. 

Very very dangerous. 

Secondly, where did I say there was anything wrong with you being attracted to black men? There isn't. I personally am very attracted to Asian, Latina and exotic women, much more so than Anglo women. Does that mean I would leave an Anglo wife for one? No. 

You have a certain taste in men that sexually stimulates you and there is nothing wrong with that. All I am saying is that, if you get to a point where you cannot control your urges, it would be better to divorce your husband than humiliate him by sleeping with other men...any other men, race notwithstanding. 

I know nothing about BP disorder....nada. I can't begin to be able to understand what it would be like to go through a manic episode. But I do think being open with your husband about your desires and fears, and setting up proper boundaries and safeguards (with his help) is the way to go.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

QuietSoul said:


> 1. Yes, I find BM attractive, so shoot me. I'm not ashamed of that, it is what it is, i'm just trying to work out how to live with that when i'm having an episode and keep my end of the marriage deal in tact.


Easy, you don't keep your end of the marriage. You end the marriage so that you can have all the BM you want.

Your husband shouldn't have to be with someone that has a huge "fetish", as you called it, and extremely attracted to a type of man he is not and that you are always teetering on the verge of winding up in bed with someone else.

Or tell your husband about this "fetish" and see where it leads.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

QuietSoul said:


> 1. Yes, I find BM attractive, so shoot me. I'm not ashamed of that, it is what it is, i'm just trying to work out how to live with that when i'm having an episode and keep my end of the marriage deal in tact.
> 
> 2. Yes, I am attracted to my H
> 
> ...


I'm not seeing this situation as being incredibly dire as others do. Ya she came close but turned it around on her own. She needs to have a chat with him about how close she came to going through with it I agree.

Quiet, you also need to address the husbands sexual addiction. If that leads to long term resentment it won't matter if you're physically attracted to an Oak tree, you're marriage won't last with that kind of anger.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I wasn't trying to make QS out to be some kind of cuckolding floozy. 

I was only trying to convey the sheer dangerousness of hookiing up with someone through a very public website like Craigslist. It is like jumping naked into a pool of piranha.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Agreed. No, actually I think your responses and advice was quite measured. It was a few others I read that were over the top IMO.


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

I too went back and read through your previous threads and in light of the way you organized, pursued and met up with the Craiglist guy, I think the almost in your title is not appropriate.

Just sayin',

Seasalt


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

So... I mentioned in my OP that my H has a sexual addiction and that I would share about this later. 

Since this stuff started happening with me, I was quite troubled by it and was wondering why I would be having thoughts about other men or feeling the attraction more than I should. It's not that I was looking to blame something or someone else, I just wanted to understand if there were reasons I was going down this path in my mind that I could do something about. 

Well, we had been married for six years, sex life slow for a few reasons, and H is a sex addict in recovery. He has been in 12 step meetings for 19 years. When we got together, he was no longer active in I guess the riskier behaviors associated with his addiction but he did (and does) struggle from time to time with porn.

During our marriage, I have tried to give him the space he needs to deal with this stuff without being overbearing. He would tell me within a couple of days if he looked up porn or made a deliberate act to look at something he knew could lead to other things. But if he just had a bad day and got triggered, he would call his sponsor or go to an extra meeting that week, and I give him the space he needs to work through that with them.

When my recent stuff went down, I was thinking about how good it felt to get some attention and how my H spends all this time with his phonecalls and meetings 2 nights a week and conferences to help him deal with being sexually triggered, then i'm his wife, i'm right there but it's usually me who initiates and even then he declined about half the time. Sometimes if I got out of the shower or was getting changed and he walked past, I didn't seem to have the same effect as say a racy billboard or another woman in the street. 

On reflection, the contrast seemed odd to me. that he would dedicate all this time and energy to maintain his ability to withstand sexual temptation from other women and porn, but maybe we would have sex once or twice a month. 

When I confessed the first two things to him, I also told him that one of the reasons I think I felt responsive to their attention was that I feel like it's lacking in our marriage. i also shared how i didn't like initiating because he rarely did himself and i was also declined often. I didn't say this to offset my own guilt, but I was doing some soul searching and it made me think alot about what was going on with us. Our relationship is generally in a good place these days, and although we lack in that area, it's an improvement from what it was. He has been making more effort since then, I do think we are doing better.

I think if I wasn't experiencing hypersexuality with my episode, I still would have been flattered by the attention but would not have responded the way I did. The larger dose of meds definitely helped...

I know I need to tell him about the third guy. I am gonna get some support and work out a good time to tell him.

I mentioned earlier that I had been more honest than him until now. Earlier in our marriage, we were.rocky on and off, and.I would catch him out lying about stupid stuff. He wouldn't cone clean (or "suddenly" remember) unless I had him in a corner with the evidence. He had generally been honest with me about his busts, but at some level, I think he also picked and chose what he put in the "confess to wife" category. Then we went through a really bad time early 2012. His lying was just constant and compulsive and he was generally hostile and critical towards me. Then it all came to a head one day, I absolutely lost it at him and was ready to walk out, just sick of being abused and no idea what the truth was anymore. He woke up and since then we have healed alot and moved forward, into a much better place. 

His lying has very much subsided but I do catch him out on occasion. Usually he will play dumb, gas light, change his story and tell me that was the story all along. Typical addict response I guess.

On the weekend, I was using his phone because mine went dead, and ok I snooped but I saw about a couple of hundred porn links in his phone internet history. I couldn't tell when they were from though, I thought maybe his last major bust about 10 months ago. But I also saw a link to something else mixed in there which I know he hasn't been looking up until this year.

I asked him about it, he had no idea all the history was still in his phone and I showed him and showed him how to delete it. I asked when it was from, he said from when we were in europe 2011. I said wouldn't it be from your last bust, he said no, he said he was using our laptop. But at the time he said it was on his phone. I asked him about europe (he never told me he busted in europe), then he said oh, just before europe then. 

On the one hand, I just didn't want to know anymore because I didn't want more lies, and on the other hand, I felt like a hypocrite for asking and snooping considering what I haven't told him yet. His dishonesty does not make mine ok, but neither does mine justify his years of BS.

I do think we should see a counsellor and get effing honest
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## QuietSoul (Feb 11, 2012)

Actually, I remember now something else he spun about the links. He said he tried to look up poem when we were in europe but that the internet didn't work (yeah right with 200 links) and so because his attempt didn't result in him accessing poem, he didn't need to tell me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

QuietSoul said:


> So... I mentioned in my OP that my H has a sexual addiction and that I would share about this later.
> 
> Since this stuff started happening with me, I was quite troubled by it and was wondering why I would be having thoughts about other men or feeling the attraction more than I should. It's not that I was looking to blame something or someone else, I just wanted to understand if there were reasons I was going down this path in my mind that I could do something about.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I truly believe if you were being denied sex regularly FROM A SEX ADDICT then your reaction is understandable, dare I say it, predictable.


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