# worried about seeing the kids after divorce



## Alan_ (Jun 28, 2014)

Hi everyone, Been a while since posting here. Divorce final since Aug 15th now so to say the least I'm dealing with it. I am bitter and think on it a lot but my question is about my kids. They are both adults. Daughter 26 and Son 18. Both have residence with my ex. My son stays with me most nights because I'm closer to college and have internet and spare room... Might be cause I'm more convenient but I appreciate the time with him. My daughter, on the other hand has made no or very little effort to see me. I have called and texted often to check if there is an issue and always she claims there isn't and she is just real busy and even states we will meet for dinner sometimes but never does. Her mom and I met when she was 5 and I adopted her after marriage and was the dad for 20 years. I guess my question is how I should handle it. She is an adult and has her own life and issue. Should I just do my thing and hope she someday see the need to visit or should I keep calling and worrying about it. I'm still insecure about my kids feelings on the divorce and who they blame if anyone and cant seem to shake it. I know its done. live my life and move on but it still on my mind. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated
Thanks


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

It will take your children time to process the divorce. 

Your son needs you right now so he's around. This is a good thing because you can establish a good post-divorce relationship with him.

On the other hand, your daughter has been able to just ignore most of it because she's an adult and on her own. It will take her time but she will most likely be back around once she has dealt with it.

Do not end contact with her. Give her space but remind her often that you are here and you love her.

Make sure you send her a Christmas gift and card. Acknowledge her birthday.

If she is on Facebook, get on there are post thing on her wall (don't over do it but have let her know you are there and you care.

Take your son out for dinner on or near Christmas and invite her to join the two of you. Do not badger her if she does not show.

Keep your door open and the love flowing. She'll be back around.

I've seen this many times before. It takes time.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Alan_ said:


> Hi everyone, Been a while since posting here. Divorce final since Aug 15th now so to say the least I'm dealing with it. I am bitter and think on it a lot but my question is about my kids. They are both adults. Daughter 26 and Son 18. Both have residence with my ex. My son stays with me most nights because I'm closer to college and have internet and spare room... Might be cause I'm more convenient but I appreciate the time with him. My daughter, on the other hand has made no or very little effort to see me. I have called and texted often to check if there is an issue and always she claims there isn't and she is just real busy and even states we will meet for dinner sometimes but never does. Her mom and I met when she was 5 and I adopted her after marriage and was the dad for 20 years. I guess my question is how I should handle it. She is an adult and has her own life and issue. Should I just do my thing and hope she someday see the need to visit or should I keep calling and worrying about it. I'm still insecure about my kids feelings on the divorce and who they blame if anyone and cant seem to shake it. I know its done. live my life and move on but it still on my mind. Any words of wisdom would be appreciated
> Thanks


Ask your son. What is his perspective on his sister? Is she really buys or making excuses not to see you. If she is really busy I agree it's Ele keep reaching out to her. If she is luing and just doesn't want to see you then I would say to tell her be here when you want to talk and then back way the hell off. You could do way more harm than good by trying to force a connection when she doesn't want one. She will likely come around with time


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