# Ex boyfriend got married?



## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

My ex and I dated in 2014, breaking up in early 2016.
We were friends when I joined the university but he didnt like me that time. I was of course finding him attractive as he's very suave and very attractive.

In late 2014 he moved to Catalonia and I'm Catalan so we started meeting up frequently whenever I went there which led to sex and began dating. It was mostly long distance but we met up frequently.

Our relationship was good but we were very different people in terms of personality. And it wasnt that serious even though we did put up pictures of each other on SM and met each others family.

However, he decided to return to UK in late 2015 and while were living together when he moved back, we broke up in early 2016.

Now, on 6th dec 2019, he got married to a girl I'm now finding out was his crush before he began dating me. It was mutual from both sides.

Apparently he wanted her throughtout mid 2013-mid 2014 but they just couldn't get together that time.

I knew he was seeing her and she was a student at the same university as well as I had seen her around.

They had a starkly different relationship than us. 

My ex boyfriend likes his independence and I do that too but he with her, he would stay with her nearly all the time. 
They would eat lunch together, study together, and even go home together. 
They would by themselves only when she had classes/he at work. Otherwise whenever he would come, he was always with her.
I had also seen him blatantly staring at her stupidly which looked ridiculous.

However a friend showed me the wedding video and though he's Jewish, he made a speech saying how he met her and it "love" at first sight in 2014. Then claimed fate/life separated them in 2015 but they eventually found their way back to each other.

He also claimed he knew it was a deep connection/love because when he met her again for the 2nd time after the separation, he still harboured those feelings he had for her, was guilty and wanted her back. JUST 1 MONTH AFTER OUR BREAK UP IN EARLY 2016.

He also said that she taught him what love is, to accept himself for who he is and is supportive/caring to the core.

I dont care for my ex but I was devastated hearing this. So what was I then? He dated me in between after her and I'm completely erased? 
How did he marry this girl so quickly?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

You were the runner-up prize. I'm sure that stings. Sometimes we care more about someone than they care about us. Sometimes the roles are reversed. That's reality.

He's your ex for a reason. Move on with your life.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

zookeeper said:


> You were the runner-up prize. I'm sure that stings. Sometimes we care more about someone than they care about us. Sometimes the roles are reversed. That's reality.
> 
> He's your ex for a reason. Move on with your life.


Runner up prize? What does that mean?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Have you had any relationships since you stopped seeing him?

Are you in a relationship now?


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## fto0293 (Mar 21, 2018)

Sorry that happened to you.

Let me go out on a limb here and say that if you have (had) an ex, even if the relationship didn't work out, even if you left on bad terms, even if there were things about them that annoyed you at the time and you honestly don't care for them...

...I would wager that for a large proportion of people, it would still be a bittersweet and very human experience to hear of them ending up with someone else.

And let me go further out on a limb to say that feeling this pain in and of itself isn't indicative of deep-seated stalker, misogynistic/misandristic, or objectifying tendencies which is a clear sign that you must want to control men/women and your partner's body as a possession.

Even setting aside the whole "what could have been" line of thinking, it hurts on a primal level to be rejected, full stop, and the situation you have in which you found out that the person they ended up with was someone they'd wanted before you...I realize that people have the right to date other people, but knowing that (in conjunction with some of the stuff he said near the end)...That would f*** me up. And I'm male. 

People have a right to choose their partner, but no one wants to be a second choice, even if it's clear in hindsight that you and him not being together would probably be for the best in the long run if his feelings for her were genuine.

Wishing you strength.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Have you had any relationships since you stopped seeing him?
> 
> Are you in a relationship now?


Yes I had one but we broke up 4 months ago. 

I'm honestly more unhappy because I didnt know that he actually liked this girl before me.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

He learned from you that he still loved her.

You were fun, he liked you. 
You, to him, were just friends with benefits, FWB's.

You were his {fill in}, for her.

Would I be hurt?

If I grew feelings for him, yes.

He was being selfish, you made yourself too available.

This short romance is one that you will have both, good memories, and bitter ones.

Hold on to the good thoughts, jettison the bad.

You are still the same valuable lady. You added a notch to your bedpost, good for you.



Lilith-


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

fto0293 said:


> Sorry that happened to you.
> 
> Let me go out on a limb here and say that if you have (had) an ex, even if the relationship didn't work out, even if you left on bad terms, even if there were things about them that annoyed you at the time and you honestly don't care for them...
> 
> ...


Why do you think I was the second choice? I mean he spent a year causing issues which led to him and his now wife to not be together then he voluntarily made the decision to move to Catalonia and that's how we got close.

But then the break up happened and he moved back to her and even married her.

It sucks because he met ME first. He met this girl later on and then ruined things and moved on to me. 

I mean I thought it was clear as day that I was the one for him considering we also knew each other. He moved to my country and even though i was in london, we met up and got together.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Yes I had one but we broke up 4 months ago.
> 
> I'm honestly more unhappy because I didnt know that he actually liked this girl before me.


While you were seeing him, did he ever promise to be exclusive with you, and no see anyone else? Did he ever say that he loved you?


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> He learned from you that he still loved her.
> 
> You were fun, he liked you.
> You, to him, were just friends with benefits, FWB's.
> ...



Wait we weren't friends with benefits. He was friends with benefits with another good friend of mine.
We were a romantic pair and dated officially. 

And how can he learn from me that he still loved her? He had his chances and kept destroying them. Or as now he says that fate separated them


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Runner up prize? What does that mean?


The runner up is the contestant that comes in second place. The prize for second place is usually less desirable to the contestants than the grand prize. Of you can't come in first, runner up is the next best thing.

It's not a judgment on you personally, it's just clear that you were not the one he truly wanted. Accepting this fact will make it easier to let go. You won't have to compare yourself to her, hopefully you can find comfort in the fact that you are no longer giving yourself to someone whose heart belongs to someone else.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> While you were seeing him, did he ever promise to be exclusive with you, and no see anyone else? Did he ever say that he loved you?


Yeah we were exclusively dating. Everyone knew. We even met each others family.
However like I described, our relationship was not like he has with this girl like always being together. 
He did things by himself. I did things by myself. Like that sort of


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

zookeeper said:


> The runner up is the contestant that comes in second place. The prize for second place is usually less desirable to the contestants than the grand prize. Of you can't come in first, runner up is the next best thing.
> 
> It's not a judgment on you personally, it's just clear that you were not the one he truly wanted. Accepting this fact will make it easier to let go. You won't have to compare yourself to her, hopefully you can find comfort in the fact that you are no longer giving yourself to someone whose heart belongs to someone else.


Thanks for the explanation.

But he did move on from her didnt he? He failed with her then moved to my country and I'm Catalan so we began talking even though he was in Catalonia and I was still in london completing my studies. 
And we hung out and ended up making out/sleeping together. That's how we began dating. 

We even met each others family and posted pics of us online then how come his heart was still with her. I just cannot get that part


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Why do you think I was the second choice?


 @Mayfair2018, this is a public forum so people are going to posts all sorts of things, just ignore the ones that are 

You were not second choice. You were the person who he wanted to be with when you two were seeing each other. After you two stopped seeing each other, he filled his life with what was around him... she was still around him. You were not.

Life circumstances change. People change. That's life.




Mayfair2018 said:


> I mean he spent a year causing issues which led to him and his now wife to not be together then he voluntarily made the decision to move to Catalonia and that's how we got close.
> 
> But then the break up happened and he moved back to her and even married her.
> 
> ...


When you two broke up, who initiated the break up? Was it you? Or was it him?

How old you and him?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Yes I had one but we broke up 4 months ago.
> 
> I'm honestly more unhappy because I didnt know that he actually liked this girl before me.


That is the problem with dating, people are not always honest.
Uh, then again, you did know they had a prior relationship with each other.

This should inspire you to pay more attention to what is going on, and to ask questions.
Live and learn.

Oh, some here might suggest that his fiancee be told of your close dating history and you meeting his parents.
What think you, on doing this?

Lilith-


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Mayfair2018 said:


> ...we started meeting up frequently whenever I went there which led to sex and began dating. It was mostly long distance but we met up frequently.
> 
> Our relationship was good but we were very different people in terms of personality. And it wasnt that serious even though we did put up pictures of each other on SM and met each others family.
> 
> ...


It seems that he isn't as independent as you think he was. You just weren't someone he wanted hang around with that much, or look at with "in love" eyes.

You were just a friend with benefits, or an in-between girlfriend.

The one he married is the one who had his heart. You were never that one.

Regarding his wedding speech: Why are you upset? That speech if about him and her, not all the ones who were not the right one. Are you thinking he should have mentioned you in his wedding speech? "Oh, I love you much, and I also loved Miss Catalan who I dated in between dating you."

For your sake and theirs, you need to move on. Block him, stop using your friends to find out about him. Watching his wedding video was a bit stalkerish IMO, and not healthy for you.

You were not the one for him. He's married to someone else. Accept that, train your mind to not think about him or seek him out anymore.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Thanks for the explanation.
> 
> But he did move on from her didnt he? He failed with her then moved to my country and I'm Catalan so we began talking even though he was in Catalonia and I was still in london completing my studies.
> And we hung out and ended up making out/sleeping together. That's how we began dating.
> ...


Why does it matter? He's married now. It's over between you. Move on.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> @Mayfair2018, this is a public forum so people are going to posts all sorts of things, just ignore the ones that are
> 
> You were not second choice. You were the person who he wanted to be with when you two were seeing each other. After you two stopped seeing each other, he filled his life with what was around him... she was still around him. You were not.
> 
> ...


I was still around him when we broke up. He didnt know she was at university too at that time until he saw her again. 


We both called it quits. 

I was 22 and he was 24 that time.


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## fto0293 (Mar 21, 2018)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Why do you think I was the second choice? I mean he spent a year causing issues which led to him and his now wife to not be together then he voluntarily made the decision to move to Catalonia and that's how we got close.
> 
> But then the break up happened and he moved back to her and even married her.
> 
> ...


Sorry, I must have got confused by this line: 



Mayfair2018 said:


> Now, on 6th dec 2019, he got married to a girl I'm now finding out was his crush before he began dating me.


Thought the other girl had met him first otherwise she couldn't be his crush, but apologies if I misunderstood.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Thanks for the explanation.
> 
> But he did move on from her didnt he? He failed with her then moved to my country and I'm Catalan so we began talking even though he was in Catalonia and I was still in london completing my studies.
> And we hung out and ended up making out/sleeping together. That's how we began dating.
> ...


His heart might not have been with her while he was seeing you. You don't know that. His feelings for her might have grown to the level they are now after he was no longer seeing you and started seeing her again.

What you are doing to yourself here is crazy making. Be kinder to yourself. Love yourself more. You had a relationship with him that you both were into. It ended because it was not the right relationship for YOU.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> That is the problem with dating, people are not always honest.
> Uh, then again, you did know they had a prior relationship with each other.
> 
> This should inspire you to pay more attention to what is going on, and to ask questions.
> ...


No I didnt know about this girl. When he got with her then I knew because I had seen her around campus. Plenty of our mutual friends had seen her so ot was surprising how he was with her since he had recently moved back.
Until he told a close friend of how they met before and how much he liked/wanted her


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

fto0293 said:


> Sorry, I must have got confused by this line:
> 
> 
> 
> Thought the other girl had met him first otherwise she couldn't be his crush, but apologies if I misunderstood.


It's ok. He met me first but he wasnt interested. Then he met her and was instantly attracted. That's what he told our friend and at his wedding


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> I was still around him when we broke up. He didnt know she was at university too at that time until he saw her again.
> 
> We both called it quits.
> 
> I was 22 and he was 24 that time.


So, you two dated. Over time you both realized that the relationship was not what you wanted. That's what dating is for, to find out if someone is a person you want to spend your life with. Clearly he is not that person for you.

What was your relationship with him like? You say that he did some foolish things that ended his relationship with her. Did he do similar things with you? What were the problems when you were dating him that led to your part of breaking it off with him?


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> It seems that he isn't as independent as you think he was. You just weren't someone he wanted hang around with that much, or look at with "in love" eyes.
> 
> You were just a friend with benefits, or an in-between girlfriend.
> 
> ...


Thanks for your input. 

But tell me why do you think he met my family, we met each others family and used couple pics on our social media. We also hung out a lot together, did couple things etc. 

So I don't know how he still had her in his heart. Was it because it was left unfinished and he was at fault?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Oh, so he had at least two other sexual partners after leaving her?

His old gf, new fiancee should be told of this.

His 'using' of you and 'others' is newsworthy. It would be better for his fiancee to know this sooner than later. 
I use the word, 'using' because he claimed exclusivity and he had you meet his parents. 
Sorry...

Then again, maybe that is why she broke up with him.
Not merely, fate, as he mentioned.

He sounds like a player. 
And, not ready for marriage.



Lilith-


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> So, you two dated. Over time you both realized that the relationship was not what you wanted. That's what dating is for, to find out if someone is a person you want to spend your life with. Clearly he is not that person for you.
> 
> What was your relationship with him like? You say that he did some foolish things that ended his relationship with her. Did he do similar things with you? What were the problems when you were dating him that led to your part of breaking it off with him?


Well we were extreme leftists at university. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds. 

I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics. 

We had arguments but it wasnt bad until we broke up. And he would get aggressive which I couldn't tolerate so we ended up fighting and just deciding to quit.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> Oh, so he had at least two other sexual partners after leaving her?
> 
> His old gf, new fiancee should be told of this.
> 
> ...


No no. I think you misunderstood. Before he met her, he was FWB with another good friend of mine. He knew me that time but wasnt interested.

Then he met her. Then they fell out because he said due to misunderstandings and he moved away and got together with me.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

zookeeper said:


> Why does it matter? He's married now. It's over between you. Move on.


Ok. But I'm just genuinely baffled


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

@Mayfair2018 you can spend the rest of your life dissecting every minute of your relationship with your ex, dissecting every word in his wedding speech and every word he writes on social media. 
And it isn’t going to make any difference. 
He’s married to someone else. Someone who he apparently had a crush on for a long time. What did you expect him to say at his wedding, that he wished he could marry you instead?
Calling you the “runner up” or “second choice” may sound cruel but in almost every marriage there are bound to be ex partners and in some cases numerous ex partners.
All of these people are runners up.
It’s called life.
Start living it.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Unfortunately, no one knows the answer to this but him. Your best choice is to let go and move on.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> @Mayfair2018 you can spend the rest of your life dissecting every minute of your relationship with your ex, dissecting every word in his wedding speech and every word he writes on social media.
> And it isn’t going to make any difference.
> He’s married to someone else. Someone who he apparently had a crush on for a long time. What did you expect him to say at his wedding, that he wished he could marry you instead?
> Calling you the “runner up” or “second choice” may sound cruel but in almost every marriage there are bound to be ex partners and in some cases numerous ex partners.
> ...


It makes me feel horrible. I wouldn't be so bothered if I didnt know he already had somebody he fancied but was unable to be with. I did not know that.
I thought I'm the one he liked out of all the girls. 

Now I just feel like I was a second option because he apparently wanted her even though we were friends when he met me.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Mayfair2018 said:


> It makes me feel horrible. I wouldn't be so bothered if I didnt know he already had somebody he fancied but was unable to be with. I did not know that.
> 
> I thought I'm the one he liked out of all the girls.
> 
> ...




Which should be all the more motivation for you to let it go. You dodged a bullet. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Openminded said:


> Unfortunately, no one knows the answer to this but him. Your best choice is to let go and move on.


I agree. Just one quick clarification. He said she accepts him for who he is. 
Is it related to this situation? I'm copy pasting the response I gave to Elegirl. 

Well we were extreme leftists at university who were very involved with administration, management, workers rights. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds. 

I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Which should be all the more motivation for you to let it go. You dodged a bullet.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


How was he a bullet?


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Mayfair2018 said:


> How was he a bullet?




What if you had been years into marriage with possibly a couple of kids and then found all of this out? Or, heaven forbid, found out he had an affair with her?

Those are the bullets I’m talking about. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Edit: New iPad


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Well we were extreme leftists at university. And he's Jewish, part israeli. Our group comprised of people who were extremely against Israel and we all supported people who had antisemitic backgrounds.
> 
> I'm now told that the line that he said that "she accepts me for who he is" is related to this as when he was at uni with us, he rarely spoke of his israeli side and dissociated with it. He also used to hide it. And just agreed with our politics.


Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.



Mayfair2018 said:


> We had arguments but it wasnt bad until we broke up. And he would get aggressive which I couldn't tolerate so we ended up fighting and just deciding to quit.


When you say that he would get aggressive, do you mean verbally aggressive? Or was there physical aggression too?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Thanks for your input.
> 
> But tell me why do you think he met my family, we met each others family and used couple pics on our social media. We also hung out a lot together, did couple things etc.
> 
> So I don't know how he still had her in his heart. Was it because it was left unfinished and he was at fault?


Some people believe that meeting the family, whether theirs or their date's, is a big things. Others not so much. They don't care if their social media ends up archiving a long list of paramours, or if their friends and family know they have one love interest after another.

As to your second paragraph, he probably didn't think much of her the first time they met, like he said to your friend. Then after more life experiences, he saw her in a different light the next time they met. People's tastes and desires change after time.

You're tryng to understand everything about him, when what you should be doing is learning how you will conduct yourself and what red flags you will watch out for in the future. Move on, make yourself stop thinking about him. Imagine a huge "STOP" sign when he comes to mind.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.
> 
> 
> 
> When you say that he would get aggressive, do you mean verbally aggressive? Or was there physical aggression too?


Yeah but we didnt know that. He used to hide it. Or rarely spoke about it. We knew he was a Jewish guy with Israeli roots but he acted like he wasnt so much into that culture or anything. And was very much included into this group. So never thought of it and felt he is like us.

Aggressive like shouting or getting angry. I shout too so we had arguments.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> Some people believe that meeting the family, whether theirs or their date's, is a big things. Others not so much. They don't care if their social media ends up archiving a long list of paramours, or if their friends and family know they have one love interest after another.
> 
> As to your second paragraph, he probably didn't think much of her the first time they met, like he said to your friend. Then after more life experiences, he saw her in a different light the next time they met. People's tastes and desires change after time.
> 
> You're tryng to understand everything about him, when what you should be doing is learning how you will conduct yourself and what red flags you will watch out for in the future. Move on, make yourself stop thinking about him. Imagine a huge "STOP" sign when he comes to mind.


I already wrote he said it was "love at first sight" for him the first time he saw her as he explained and that's how he spent 1 year trying to get her but failed. 

Hmm ok

Ironically he married her on the exact same date he first saw her


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I don't know why, @Mayfair2018's thread has triggered me.

The thread triggered was by @weltschmerz, where his wife never got over her rejection by some EXBF jerk and she met up with him years later. She subsequently cheated on her husband, Weltschmerz, a good man.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Elizabeth001 said:


> What if you had been years into marriage with possibly a couple of kids and then found all of this out? Or, heaven forbid, found out he had an affair with her?
> 
> Those are the bullets I’m talking about.
> 
> ...


I agree. Thanks


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> I don't know why, @Mayfair2018's thread has triggered me.
> 
> The thread triggered was by @weltschmerz, where his wife never got over her rejection by some EXBF jerk and she met up with him years later. She subsequently cheated on her husband, Weltschmerz, a good man.


I'm sorry if this thread triggers you.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

It sounds like he was not being up front with more people than just you. Hanging around a crowd who hates your home country, ethnicity and religion while having sex with the women in that group requires a lot of hiding one's true feelings, whether for survival or for strategic reasons.

The only thing I fault him with is that he didn't find a different group of friends and girlfriends around whom he could be authentic, and not have to worry about being attacked.

The two of you were extremely incompatable. You think that you loved him so much, even though you hated everything about his heritage, genetics, home country, etc. Your group went so far as to support other groups that would literally destroy his family and home country. Do you really think think that you would have had a good marriage?

I totally understand his wedding speech. A person wants to be married to, be vulnerable to, a person who feels "safe" and who accepts you for who you are.

I'm not Jewish or Israeli BTW. I just don't believe that entire groups of people should be targeted for distruction.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> > Clearly there is a huge incompatibility issue here.
> ...


Ok, so you never thought of him being Jewish/Israeli and thought he was like you. 

But what did he really think? Since you two had arguments about it, it's pretty clear that the anti-Israeli and anti-Semitism attitudes held by you and your friends bothered him a lot.

Of course he hid his true feelings. He wanted to fit in. He liked you on many levels, so he wanted to fit in. But how could he? It sounds like he came to a realization that he cannot go through life hiding who he is and pretending to be something else. He learned that lesson and matured. He found and married a woman who accepts his for who he is. Isn't that the basic foundation of any good relationship/marriage?

Apparently the fact that his wife is not anti whatever his genetics are is a big deal to him. It would be a big deal to most people.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Mayfair2018 said:


> I already wrote he said it was "love at first sight" for him the first time he saw her as he explained and that's how he spent 1 year trying to get her but failed.
> 
> Hmm ok
> 
> Ironically he married her on the exact same date he first saw her


Oh, my mistake. Your story is hard to keep track of.

I don't believe in love at first sight, however I do believe in attraction at first sight.

So he couldn't follow through immediately for whatever reason. He found her attractive, and later on he was able to actually meet her and start a relationship with her.

It's not that complicated.

Your're just upset that he met her before you and then married her after you. But the two of you fought over very serious things, and agreed to not date each other. What he did after that is none of your business. End of story.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> It sounds like he was not being up front with more people than just you. Hanging around a crowd who hates your home country, ethnicity and religion while having sex with the women in that group requires a lot of hiding one's true feelings, whether for survival or for strategic reasons.
> 
> The only thing I fault him with is that he didn't find a different group of friends and girlfriends around whom he could be authentic, and not have to worry about being attacked.
> 
> ...


 @Adelais 

But we didnt know this. We just knew that he faced antisemitic abuse when he first joined university. We never said anything when he said he was going to synagogues. 

This university was extremely left wing with a large portion of students being arabs or Muslim. It was extremely strong on boycott Israel and supporting anti israel groups.

I now know that this girl he married is not Jewish or Israeli but she actually completed most of her courses on Judaism including her final thesis being on hate against jews . And on her facebook, she has liked pages like visit israel, campaign against antisemitism etc. So clearly her views seem like she is not anti israel


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.


Yes it signifies something. It signifies that he and his wife are romantic thinkers. That's all. 

You are looking at the silly stuff and not acknowledging the elephant in the room. (that means the ugly truth)

He was 24 at the time, a young man. Men's brains do not fully mature until about age 26. So he was still learning about life and himself. He tried to fit in with you and your friends. There is no way that he could. So he moved on.

There is no way that you and he could ever have a good, long term relationship. That's it.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> Oh, my mistake. Your story is hard to keep track of.
> 
> I don't believe in love at first sight, however I do believe in attraction at first sight.
> 
> ...


Yeah attraction at first sight but he chased her after that and ended up being a failure. Then moved away and got with me.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Yes it signifies something. It signifies that he and his wife are romantic thinkers. That's it.
> 
> You are looking at the silly stuff and not acknowledging the elephant in the room. (that means the ugly truth)
> 
> ...


 @EleGirl 

We thought he was like us. Socialist and leftist. We could never know what his true intentions were. 
I just know he was radically different with her and me/us. 

He was more outgoing, funny and upfront with me/us. While with her, he was completely different. He described it in the video that he was nervous and couldn't be himself around her initially because of his nervousness , felt like he couldn't stop staring into her eyes etc

Why we couldn't have a good long term one?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.


They get to choose their wedding date. If they chose the same day as the first time they met, it means something special to them. Not a coincidence and nothing for them to be judged for. It is rather romantic of them to choose that date.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Does marrying on the same date when you first saw each other signify anything? He first saw her on 6th dec. And married her on 6th dec.



Oh, don't get King Brian started on his astrological explanations on dates. 

He would say something about the EXBF's Sun returning to the same (significant spot) in his Natal horoscope.

That date being a hot spot for EXBF.



Lilith-


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> They get to choose their wedding date. If they chose the same day as the first time they met, it means something special to them. Not a coincidence and nothing for them to be judged for. It is rather romantic of them to choose that date.


Ok


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Mayfair2018 said:


> @Adelais
> 
> But we didnt know this. We just knew that he faced antisemitic abuse when he first joined university. We never said anything when he said he was going to synagogues.
> 
> ...


Are you seriously thinking that because you and your friends didn't actively go against him personally that he felt safe with you? He knew you hated everything about his homeland, ethnicity and religion, but that you liked "him." He was wise enough to understand that if push ever came to shove, that you wouldn't like him either. His life could be at stake, literally.

If I knew a group of people who hated America and everything American, but that they liked me, because they thought I was "different" from the other Americans they hated, I'd still never feel safe. But then again, I would find a different group of people to hang out with who didn't hate everything about my country.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> Are you seriously thinking that because you and your friends didn't actively go against him personally that he felt safe with you? He knew you hated everything about his homeland, ethnicity and religion, but that you liked "him." He was wise enough to understand that if push ever came to shove, that you wouldn't like him either. His life could be at stake, literally.
> 
> If I knew a group of people who hated America and everything American, but that they liked me, because they thought I was "different" from the other Americans they hated, I'd still never feel safe. But then again, I would find a different group of people to hang out with who didn't hate everything about my country.


I ll admit he was the only Jewish student who was in our group. The other jewish students had actually complained of hostility at our uni.
I mean I agree he wouldn't be our friend or be in our group if his attitude was different but pretending so strategically and then going on in a video of your wedding day saying this girl accepts him for who he is and how she may not be Jewish but knows about it extensively seems disrespectful idk


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Mayfair2018 said:


> I ll admit he was the only Jewish student who was in our group. The other jewish students had actually *complained of hostility at our uni.*
> I mean I agree he wouldn't be our friend or be in our group *if his attitude was different* but pretending so strategically and then going on in a video of your wedding day saying this girl accepts him for who he is and how she may not be Jewish but knows about it extensively seems *disrespectfu*l idk


You need to read what you wrote that I have in bold.

It was you and your group who were disrespectful to him. You spoke hateful words about his home country, culture, religion, etc. and yet he didn't punch your lights out because he was outnumbered. He was a young man in his early 20's and didn't have enough life experience to know how to handle it, so he just held back, swallowed his words, took the blows and waited it out.

Then he found someone who loved him for who he was, actually appreciated his culture, even though she wasn't from it, and he married her.

It all makes complete sense.

It is YOU who don't make sense.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> You need to read what you wrote that I have in bold.
> 
> It was you and your group who were disrespectful to him. You spoke hateful words about his home country, culture, religion, etc. and yet he didn't punch your lights out because he was outnumbered. He was a young man in his early 20's and didn't have enough life experience to know how to handle it, so he just held back, swallowed his words, took the blows and waited it out.
> 
> ...


We were just following political news about Israel and Palestine and favored palestine instead of israel. 
But if he didnt like us why stay with us and why date me ? He clearly knew my view so it's his problem if he was so insecure.

Do you really think that the girl does? How does completing courses on Judaism or hate against them or not sharing our views make her more accepting?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Which should be all the more motivation for you to let it go. You dodged a bullet.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


She wants to develop tools to help her assess these situations better in the future. 

If you don't see that as a worthy pursuit, then you don't have to respond to this thread.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Mayfair2018 said:


> We were just following political news about Israel and Palestine and favored palestine instead of israel.
> But if he didnt like us why stay with us and why date me ? He clearly knew my view so it's his problem if he was so insecure.
> 
> Do you really think that the girl does? How does completing courses on Judaism or hate against them or not sharing our views make her more accepting?


No, he wasn't "insecure." He was just trying to keep safe. He knew who he was, went to synagogue, was friendly and was low key about his religion and nationality. He didn't feed the lions. He was just being a young man who wanted friends and a little sex on the side. (not that I think premarital sex is right, because I don't, but you both were OK with it.) 

His wife took courses to learn about and respect his culture, while you were part of group who didn't study Judaism, you just hated it. Huge difference. You really can't see it?


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Adelais said:


> No, he wasn't "insecure." He was just trying to keep safe. He knew who he was, went to synagogue, was friendly and was low key about his religion and nationality. He didn't feed the lions. He was just being a young man who wanted friends and a little sex on the side. (not that I think premarital sex is right, because I don't, but you both were OK with it.)
> 
> His wife took courses to learn about and respect his culture, while you were part of group who didn't study Judaism, you just hated it. Huge difference. You really can't see it?


I mean we didnt nor I didnt hate it. I do agree we all had strong views and just believed the people we supported were not antisemitic. We just refuted it saying these people are the ones who can help the country. And believed Israel was a bad country trying to oppress Palestinians. I mean criticism of it can be antisemitic at times but we didnt think so much of it as it was never on our list.

This girl might have studied history/geography of the country/religion but he knew that later on didnt he cos he was dating me that time.

I mean I find it weird that she had such views and studied them. Maybe she just took them to trap him ? Or to look cute?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

It's like how people don't realize I'm black when they befriend me. Leter on, something may be said that brings that issue to the surface.

It can uncomfortable. My mother one time "outed" me. I took her to a happy hour of friends. Afterwards, at least one woman's behavior changed (much cooler) towards after that.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

NextTimeAround said:


> It's like how people don't realize I'm black when they befriend me. Leter on, something may be said that brings that issue to the surface.
> 
> It can uncomfortable. My mother one time "outed" me. I took her to a happy hour of friends. Afterwards, at least one woman's behavior changed (much cooler) towards after that.


But he knowingly was friends with us and dated me


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

NextTimeAround said:


> It's like how people don't realize I'm black when they befriend me. Leter on, something may be said that brings that issue to the surface.
> 
> It can uncomfortable. My mother one time "outed" me. I took her to a happy hour of friends. Afterwards, at least one woman's behavior changed (much cooler) towards after that.


Sorry you experience that.

So you are genetically black (have a large enough percentage that you or others consider you black?) yet your skin color and features don't look black?

I can't believe there are actually people who would treat you differently just because of your genetics, but treated you well when they didn't know. I guess had you also looked black they wouldn't have accepted you in the first place. Too bad for them! Are you going to remain fake friends with them now that you know they are racist? 

I wouldn't.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Ok, enough about me.

I think what you are trying to do is to help yourself develop some tools so that you interpret the situation better. You don't mention here, but I bet if you could have predicted the end of this relationship better, there would be some things that you would done differently.

At some point in my life, I decided that the things I did in /for a relationship were an investment so I needed to know where this relationship was going. You might be too young for that kind of analysis but keep it in my mind when you are ready to settle down. 

Did you think of any dealbreakers while you were dating this guy?

The other thing I learned is to treat meeting the family a privilege. How casual were these meetings with each other's family?

One way to look at this is to decide what you will give / offer in the various types of relationships, ie casual dating, FWB, exclusive; to head towards marriage; and stick to it. If he asks for more, then it's good time to discuss "what are we right now?"

This is not 100% foolproof as dealing with humans is a never a sure thing but I think it will help you to calibrate your generosity of resources ie time; concern; so on so as not to feel as if you lost a lot when the relationship does come to an end.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Ok, so you never thought of him being Jewish/Israeli and thought he was like you.
> 
> But what did he really think? Since you two had arguments about it, it's pretty clear that the anti-Israeli and anti-Semitism attitudes held by you and your friends bothered him a lot.
> 
> ...


 @EleGirl Nooooo we didn't have arguments on anti israeli things. He never said anything on it. He just went ahead with it. He never had issues on that because he never associated with it so much. At least in front of us. 

He knew we support BDS, Palestine and are against Israel. Yet he was insecure or played safe to stay with us including dating me

We/I never said anything when he went to synagogues.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I hope that you understand that his feelings for you are not an indication of your personal worth. It doesn't mean that you are objectively inferior to his wife. Attraction and love are very subjective.

Sometimes a person still has feelings for an ex- but starts dating others. As they say, the best way to get over one guy is to get under a new one. But yes, sometimes the feelings don't fade and you're still pining for the ex. 

I have a friend who married a woman from his same Asian racial background. (Let's call it Vietnamese.) He dated white women and women from other Asian backgrounds, but he always had a certain woman in mind from when I met him. At one point he was dating three different women in three different cities, flying around the country to see each of them. He told me that this particular ex never worried when he dated another woman unless she was Vietnamese. When I heard that, I realized that he would only marry a Vietnamese woman. Sure enough, he reconciled with the ex and they are now long married with children.

Obviously, my friend had a particular type of woman in mind for him. At other times, you will meet a man who is perfect for you but it won't work out for various "timing issues": he's heartbroken over an ex, he's unemployed or not yet established enough in his career to settle down, etc. A lot of it comes down to timing. Try as best as you can to not take it too personally.

Also, I wouldn't necessarily assume that what is said at a wedding reception is the full, unvarnished truth. Couples over time revise their background stories to make them more romantic, and he was speaking before an audience that wanted to hear that their relationship was special and magical. It wasn't intended for your ears. If he were speaking privately to you, with his wife unable to hear, he might say something very different that would hurt her if she heard it.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

CraigBesuden said:


> I hope that you understand that his feelings for you are not an indication of your personal worth. It doesn't mean that you are objectively inferior to his wife. Attraction and love are very subjective.
> 
> Sometimes a person still has feelings for an ex- but starts dating others. As they say, the best way to get over one guy is to get under a new one. But yes, sometimes the feelings don't fade and you're still pining for the ex.
> 
> ...


So you mean to say he was lying and he doesnt love her right? That he still loves me and would hurt her for me?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Mayfair2018 said:


> I already wrote he said it was "love at first sight" for him the first time he saw her as he explained and that's how he spent 1 year trying to get her but failed.
> 
> Hmm ok
> 
> Ironically he married her on the exact same date he first saw her


When I met my husband it was love at first sight....for me. I saw his face and just knew he was it, my "the one". A few weeks later, he came to a party at my house and we ended up going on a long walk and talking, but he didn't flirt or make any moves. A couple days after that he called and asked if I would be at the same club we met at because he wanted to spend time with me. Then, when we were there, he still didn't make a move. After a while, I figured I mistook him and he just wanted to be friends. Ok, then. Other fish in the sea. There was a handsome and charming guy named T I could always chat with and see where it goes. Luckily, DH made a move before the end of the night and that's that. Had he not made a move, I'd have gone on to date another man. Why? Because I wouldn't waste my life waiting around for or hoping for an impossibility.

If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.

He met her, it didn't work, he moved on to you. No reason not to. She wasn't interested. When you and he split he got a 2nd chance and, this time, it worked.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> When I met my husband it was love at first sight....for me. I saw his face and just knew he was it, my "the one". A few weeks later, he came to a party at my house and we ended up going on a long walk and talking, but he didn't flirt or make any moves. A couple days after that he called and asked if I would be at the same club we met at because he wanted to spend time with me. Then, when we were there, he still didn't make a move. After a while, I figured I mistook him and he just wanted to be friends. Ok, then. Other fish in the sea. There was a handsome and charming guy named T I could always chat with and see where it goes. Luckily, DH made a move before the end of the night and that's that. Had he not made a move, I'd have gone on to date another man. Why? Because I wouldn't waste my life waiting around for or hoping for an impossibility.
> 
> If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with.
> 
> He met her, it didn't work, he moved on to you. No reason not to. She wasn't interested. When you and he split he got a 2nd chance and, this time, it worked.


She was interested. He spent a year chasing but it failed due to his attitude. Already wrote that in my post. They had misunderstandings.
Then he moved away and we got together.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Mayfair2018 said:


> So you mean to say he was lying and he doesnt love her right? That he still loves me and would hurt her for me?


I don't know whether he is lying to her about the circumstances of their romance. But he loves her and he married her. There is nothing more for you to do than to grieve and move on to the next man. There are a gazillion good, single men out there who would love to marry you.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

@Adelais and @EleGirl pls give your comments on the quoted replies


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

I just dont seem to fathom how doing courses on judaism or hatred against jewish people makes her a better candidate for him?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Mayfair2018 said:


> She was interested. He spent a year chasing but it failed due to his attitude. Already wrote that in my post. They had misunderstandings.
> Then he moved away and we got together.


You seem to be missing the point.

He fell in love with her and spent a year "chasing her" as you put it. She didn't want him and sent him on his way. He did the sensible thing and, despite what he may have felt for her, moved on with his life. He dated you. It didn't work. They reconnected and it did work. That simple.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Mayfair2018 said:


> I'm honestly more unhappy because I didnt know that he actually liked this girl before me.


He gave a speech at his wedding. Of course he's not going to mention you! The speech is about their love and their relationship, not about all the people and things that happened when they weren't together.

People can love more than one person at a time. It is probable that he never really got over her, even while he was with you. It's a good thing that you two broke up. Let it go and move on with your life, however, you have learned an important lesson about getting to know someone very well before giving him your heart. In the future, once you begin to get serious with someone you may want to inquire more thoroughly about their other relationships, if you haven't already learned that information.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> @EleGirl Nooooo we didn't have arguments on anti israeli things. He never said anything on it. He just went ahead with it. He never had issues on that because he never associated with it so much. At least in front of us.
> 
> He knew we support BDS, Palestine and are against Israel. Yet he was insecure or played safe to stay with us including dating me
> 
> We/I never said anything when he went to synagogues.


You also said that you supported people who are anti-sematic. That goes beyond being anti-Israel and supporting BDS. You did not need to say anything about him going to synagogues. I knew what your thoughts are about it.

My bet is that he thought that he could have friends with your outlook on Israel and his religion. He might have been insecure. Or maybe he was trying to be open minded. He found that this did not work with him.

Since you two did not have arguments over anti-Israeli things, then you had arguments over things related to your relationship (I suppose). It sounds like you both found that you were not compatible. So, you two broke up. That’s it. As someone else said, what he does in his life after you two broke up is none of your business. I’m not saying that to be mean. I’m saying it because you need to realize this for your own peace of mind.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

In the end, I think it always hurts us when an ex starts seeing or has married someone else because it means that they have moved on from us. Just because it's tough for you now doesn't mean it will be tomorrow. But to me at least, if an ex is still in the picture, it's never a good sign. Try not to worry about him and move on with your life. There's always going to be somebody better out there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> I just dont seem to fathom how doing courses on judaism or hatred against jewish people makes her a better candidate for him?


About her doing courses on Judaism - to a lot of people, having an understanding of their spouse's religion is very important because it informs much of their outlook on life, marriage and family. Her studying Judaism is a good thing.

I am baffled that you do not understand why he would not want to be with someone who hates Jewish people. He's Jewish.

Would you date someone how hates your race and/or religion?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

MJJEAN said:


> You seem to be missing the point.
> 
> He fell in love with her and spent a year "chasing her" as you put it. She didn't want him and sent him on his way. He did the sensible thing and, despite what he may have felt for her, moved on with his life. He dated you. It didn't work. They reconnected and it did work. That simple.


Or we could say that Mayfair was the rebound girl.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> You seem to be missing the point.
> 
> He fell in love with her and spent a year "chasing her" as you put it. She didn't want him and sent him on his way. He did the sensible thing and, despite what he may have felt for her, moved on with his life. He dated you. It didn't work. They reconnected and it did work. That simple.


She did want him but he created misunderstandings hence they failed. Which he said in the video. They had mutual attraction. I already mentioned this so I dont know where you are getting this from


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

NextTimeAround said:


> Or we could say that Mayfair was the rebound girl.


And how am I rebound? He chose to go to Catalonia. I'm Catalan. He knew me from before and that's how we connected, had sex and started dating


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> About her doing courses on Judaism - to a lot of people, having an understanding of their spouse's religion is very important because it informs much of their outlook on life, marriage and family. Her studying Judaism is a good thing.
> 
> I am baffled that you do not understand why he would not want to be with someone who hates Jewish people. He's Jewish.
> 
> Would you date someone how hates your race and/or religion?


I never said I hated Jewish people. And if he was so proud then why stay with us. He willingly dated me knowing we were against israel and glossed over hatred towards Jews. 
So it's his problem.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> You also said that you supported people who are anti-sematic. That goes beyond being anti-Israel and supporting BDS. You did not need to say anything about him going to synagogues. I knew what your thoughts are about it.
> 
> My bet is that he thought that he could have friends with your outlook on Israel and his religion. He might have been insecure. Or maybe he was trying to be open minded. He found that this did not work with him.
> 
> Since you two did not have arguments over anti-Israeli things, then you had arguments over things related to your relationship (I suppose). It sounds like you both found that you were not compatible. So, you two broke up. That’s it. As someone else said, what he does in his life after you two broke up is none of your business. I’m not saying that to be mean. I’m saying it because you need to realize this for your own peace of mind.


Yeah I did that or our friends did support leaders who were antisemitic but he never claimed. 
It was only when we broke up that his friendship with most of the group got a little cold. Because of the awkwardness of dating within the inner circle. 

Can you tell me what are my thoughts on him going to synagogues?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Mayfair2018 said:


> And how am I rebound? He chose to go to Catalonia. I'm Catalan. He knew me from before and that's how we connected, had sex and started dating


Rebound girl means that you were the placeholder until he decided what he wanted to do next. It usually happens after the guy just broke up with someone and hopes to get back with her.

It might be that the term is no longer in use.

Even though you chose to go to Catalan and he was part of the landscape there, you could have been doing something else. If you had known all along that he wanted to get back with this other woman, maybe you would have still gone out with him but not as often; or maybe with the mission to meet his friends or something else.

Imagine if you had missed a ski trip with your buddies because you had already promised to go back to Catalan when you said you would ...... now you have to settle for listening to your friends making references to that trip and ll the private jokes that came out while thinking about how that guy seeing at the time is nowhere now in your life.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Mayfair2018 said:


> She did want him but he created misunderstandings hence they failed. Which he said in the video. They had mutual attraction. I already mentioned this so I dont know where you are getting this from


Oh, good God, she clearly didn't want him or she wouldn't have told him to take himself on due to his attitude. I wasn't using want in the context of physical attraction, but in the context of a relationship.

Why are you doing Olympic level mental gymnastics to avoid facing the fact that he fell in love, she kicked him to the curb, he moved on with you, that didn't work, and they reconnected? It's not complicated and it's common. People fall in love every day, it doesn't work out, they decide not to spend their lives pining, and get on with dating and mating. No point to wallowing in love for someone who dumped you.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

Just because she wrote her thesis on hate against his country and religion makes her more suitable?


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> Oh, good God, she clearly didn't want him or she wouldn't have told him to take himself on due to his attitude. I wasn't using want in the context of physical attraction, but in the context of a relationship.
> 
> Why are you doing Olympic level mental gymnastics to avoid facing the fact that he fell in love, she kicked him to the curb, he moved on with you, that didn't work, and they reconnected? It's not complicated and it's common. People fall in love every day, it doesn't work out, they decide not to spend their lives pining, and get on with dating and mating. No point to wallowing in love for someone who dumped you.


I wrote in my first post that it was MUTUAL FROM BOTH SIDES. 

He messed up and escaped which he said in the video, not giving her a chance to clear the confusion. 

Why is this so hard?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Why is this so hard?


It's not. You're making it difficult by refusing to see the simple thing staring you in the face. He fell in love. It didn't work. He spent some time with you. He reconnected with the woman he loves. He married her. The end. Why was he with you when he loved her? Because he liked you and it was better than being alone.


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## Mayfair2018 (Dec 8, 2019)

MJJEAN said:


> It's not. You're making it difficult by refusing to see the simple thing staring you in the face. He fell in love. It didn't work. He spent some time with you. He reconnected with the woman he loves. He married her. The end. Why was he with you when he loved her? Because he liked you and it was better than being alone.


Do you think they were fated? Like really? Dont you think him suddenly going to catalonia and through his arrival there, getting together with me made more sense? In terms of fate ?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: My boyfriend and his old crush?*

*OP is perma banned. She has another account taking about the same guy. That account is perma banned for name calling and insulting others. This thread is clearly moving in that direction.*

.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

OP, I am not so sure you don't have at least some feelings for him. I also do think that we, as in all of us simply have more interest in some people than we do others. It happens. I don't even think there is really any rhyme or reason to it. I can't answer if you were always second or if he really put his all into you when you were together, but for your own peace of mind, I'd say its irrelevant. He is happy with her, I say move on. Its never good to spend your thoughts on someone who isn't thinking about you.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Mayfair2018 said:


> Do you think they were fated? Like really? Dont you think him suddenly going to catalonia and through his arrival there, getting together with me made more sense? In terms of fate ?


Really? Fate? As if humans have no agency and control over their lives? No, I absolutely do not think fate has anything to do with it because I don't believe in fate.

Quite a lot of people would like to travel to a new country, stay a while, and enjoy the company of a lovely resident of said country. Noting unusual about that.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

*Re: My boyfriend and his old crush?*



EleGirl said:


> *OP is perma banned. She has another account taking about the same guy. That account is perma banned for name calling and insulting others. This thread is clearly moving in that direction.*
> 
> .


I thought her writing style was familiar. She comes on here and asks a question then proceeds to get more hostile over time. If she is real, I honestly feel bad for this guy. She is obsessed.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

*Re: My boyfriend and his old crush?*



ReformedHubby said:


> I thought her writing style was familiar. She comes on here and asks a question then proceeds to get more hostile over time. If she is real, I honestly feel bad for this guy. She is obsessed.




Goodness... I was sure she wanted to “develop tools to help her assess these situations better in the future.”


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Mayfair2018 said:


> My ex and I dated in 2014, breaking up in early 2016.
> We were friends when I joined the university but he didnt like me that time. I was of course finding him attractive as he's very suave and very attractive.
> 
> In late 2014 he moved to Catalonia and I'm Catalan so we started meeting up frequently whenever I went there which led to sex and began dating. It was mostly long distance but we met up frequently.
> ...


He is married move on.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

*Re: My boyfriend and his old crush?*



Elizabeth001 said:


> Goodness... I was sure she wanted to “develop tools to help her assess these situations better in the future.”


she did like my post.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

*Re: My boyfriend and his old crush?*



NextTimeAround said:


> she did like my post.




Mine too.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Dona boja.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Are you going over all this b/c you're just curious, or do you think you will gain something from it?

EDIT: Moot question as I see TS is banned.


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