# Dating and Relationships



## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I am new to this scene
After reading few helpful threads about life after divorce i still have some unanswered questions.

I was married for a long time never dated before.....
I have a long thread talking more details about what i went through 
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...ion/12611-28-years-marriage-what-ca-i-do.html
In less then couple weeks divorce will be final.

I like to know and understand more about dating and relationships

What do you do together when dating and what you don't do?

What do you mean when someone say you can date for a long time without be in relationship?

What are dating limits and what are relationship beginnings ?

Is it related to commitment or to having intimacy and sexual relationship? or .......
Do you date more than one person at the same time?

Any advice will help me to not commit big mistakes in my new life after divorce..


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Keep it light. The primary purpose is fun, and determining whether or not there is enough of a connection to warrant wanting to see the person again.

Be selfish. A date is about discovering what this person is about, and if what they are about is interesting to you. 

My goal with dating was simply to get comfortable with myself, and relating to women again, for the first time in nearly two decades.

Not much in the way of expectations beyond that.

For a first date, keep it simple and brief. Meeting for a cup of coffee, an ice cream, a glass of wine ... whatever.

A very good tactic is to set the expectation that you have to be somewhere that would limit the date to 30 minutes or so ... just long enough to know if you want to stick around or get the hell out of Dodge.

Honestly? Buy a book, or google about dating. I did . You will learn all you never wanted to know about dating.

Biggest piece of advice, don't take much of anything personally out of the gate. The up-side to dating when we're older is we usually have a pretty good sense of what we want, and what we don't want. That cuts both ways.

Just chalk it all up to experience.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Good advice, Deejo! Dating should be fun. If it isn't, don't do it  If you think of each new date as potentially adding a friend (and maybe lover) to your life, you'll be fine. If you think of each date as, "will this be 'the one?'" you'll make yourself miserable. 

After 28 years, why jump into a new relationship? Give yourself time to explore "the new you." Learn to feel really good about being on your own. Then, if/when you do start a new relationship, you will go into it knowing you will be just fine on your own, and you won't put up with any b*s just b/c you worry about being alone.

"Just dating" IS a type of relationship, and that's all you may want or need for a while. Remember to be selfish, as Deejo says. If it isn't making YOU happy, then don't keep seeing that person!


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## Shelly29 (Oct 9, 2010)

WOW.... lol my divorce will be final mid March and i also told myself Jan 1st..... I am going ot be selfish this yr.... I will do what I want and put myself FIRST... if the guy doesnt like it, then he can move on. I also told myself I do not want to be anyones "girlfriend" or partner of sorts this yr... I need to go have fun, meet people, feel special, get taken out on dates, get spoiled, and feel alive again!


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Thank you guys for your input
I like to think about being selfish i don't know if i can do that i like the thought of it though  

I need to go out and have fun and also make friends but if i think of having lovers i don't know if i can do that before falling in love also i can't think about bringing anyone to my apt or spending nights outside since i have a S12 living with me


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

LVS said:


> Thank you guys for your input
> I like to think about being selfish i don't know if i can do that i like the thought of it though


I like the thought of it as well, but I have little to no idea how to go about it, for far too long it has been others that came first, and I placed myself somewhere down the ladder.


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