# What Makes A Woman Decide Suddenly That She Wants A Different Life



## car7270 (Jan 27, 2011)

I have been married for 14 years and separated for 4 months now. Overall, my wife and I had a very good relationship. There were a few ard times but we worked through them and it made things better every time. About 5 years ago she cheated on me with a guy that she met at a bar while going out for drinks with her girlfriends. Something I wasn't too crazy about. She told me she actually stopped it before it got to sex. Don't know if that was true but anyway I forgave her and we moved on. My wife is the type that isn't happy with anything for too long, jobs, etc. Anyway, last May she was madly in love with me and by July she was starting to become distant. She started doing things that I didn't think were appropriate like going on hikes with a so called friend from high school and hanging out all night on my back patio with the pizza guy who we both knew but still I didn't like it. Everytime I complained to her that I was upset at what she doing she would tell me that I was pushing her away. She then enrolled herself in college where the friend was going to and then it got worst. She would leave everyday as soon as I got home and return late at night saying that she was studying. Well she eventually either dropped a couple of her courses or failed them so I really don't think she was studying. I think it was just outlet to be with that guy. She then started asking me if she could sleep over a girlfriends house on the weekends so she could "clear her head". That got me very upset and once again she would tell me that I was pushing her away. Well, eventually she came to me and told me that she wanted to get separated and on that night that guy was parked across the street. I was livid. She eventually moved out by herself and left me with our children. At my sons football games she would show up with him and that also made me angry because she continued with that he's just a friend crap. That was in November and now it's pretty much the same. A few weeks ago she came to me and said that she was thinking about coming back to the marriage and she was being affectionate towards me but that was short lived. When I asked her why she said that she is confused on what she wants and where she wants to be in her life. In the meantime I have been doing double duty as mom and dad. Kids are suffering and so am I. I truly love her with all my heart but this is killing me slowly physically and mentally. Personally, I think that she is trying other relationships and if they don't work out then maybe she'll come back and to me I wouldn't want her back for that reason. Should I just give up or continue to try and get her back. Help!


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

She is behaving horribly...to you AND your children. You need to 180 her. And honestly...maybe serving her with divorce papers might wake her up. (you don't necessarily have to go through with it).
I would find the information on the 180 (I can pm you a link if you like) and implement it immediately. What you've been doing hasn't worked thus far. Time to change the game plan.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

MM is right. 180 her completely. You and your children do not deserve to be treated like this. How many kids? Ages?


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

9 times out of 10, a woman wants a new life when another man shows the possibility to her.

KICK HER TO THE CURB!!!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

You may love her with all your heart but she does not return anything but disdain towards you.

And even for her children. She uses you financially and as a fallback position.

Why would you want her at this point?

What does she offer you that is good?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## loren (Sep 13, 2010)

I would say these things don't just happen "suddenly". Unless your wife had no feeling for you at all since the beginning there must have been a cooling down period, it just seems sudden for you. Did she make any greviances known earlier in the marriage that were not resolved? Perhaps she felt her needs were not being met over a long period of time. I am in no way excusing her behaviour, as problems in a marriage should be worked out with those involved first, and she has made violations of your vows, but in answer to your post heading I don't think it was a sudden thing.


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## car7270 (Jan 27, 2011)

Thanks for the replies. Our boys are 15 and 12. My older son is really affected by it. On the day that she announced that we were getting separated he was very angry with her because he saw all the things that she was doing and he blamed her for the separation and she responded by telling him F... you, F... you, all you've ever done is cause me problems anyway. Words that he will never forget! There is no excuse for ever saying anything like that to your children! The younger one seemed affected by it a while back but not so much now but he could just be hiding it well. I was also thinking about serving her with divorce papers. Right now I'm still paying our bills and giving her some money because she doesn't work. I know that I'm enabling her to continue to do what she is doing but once again it's my heart that gets in the way. In reality she should be giving me money. If there were things that were not being met they were never brought up. Like I mentioned in my post in May she posted on her facebook wall that she was madly in love with me and thanked God for giving her such an incredible husband so I thought I was doing everything right but 2 months later she does a 360 after meeting up for coffee a few times with that person. I'm a hard worker, I did pretty much everything around the house like cooking, cleaning and laundry. She has fibromyalgia so her body was in pain alot so I helped out in every which way. Our sex life was great. Not alot of it due to her illness but it was great when it happened. Usually two or three times a week. I really don't understand why she would of left the marriage for a loser. He doesn't work. He collects permanent disability at age 40. Even though I don't know why. If you can hop your big ass on a motorcycle your back can't be that bad. Really! Her plan was that I was going to move out of our house and she would of eventually moved him in but my inlaws threw a monkey wrench in that plan by telling her that I wasn't moving anywhere and that she was not allowed to bring any man into the house because of the children. My inlaws live in the same house as we do. We just have our own floor downstairs that was built just for us. They let me stay in a bedroom upstairs until she moved out completely. Even when I lived upstairs she was never here anyway for the children. After they left for school she wouldn't return till midnight so what was the purpose anyway. I'm not going to say that I was perfect. Everyone has their flaws. Maybe I should of taken more walks with her when she asked me to but I was tired from work and doing stuff around the house. I don't know? Again, thanks for all your advice.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I feel for you and hope things have improved one way or the other. She sounds like a serial liar as well as a cheater. I doubt this is the first time she has cheated. I can't believe what she said to her son. She is also an unfit mother.

Cut the cash flow, if you haven't already, her other lovers should pay their own way and not rely on money from you!


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

She probably hates herself. I am saying that seriously. She has probably hated herself and her life for a long time. All the crap she does serves as a brief distraction.

Wow. That totally sucks. 

Stop giving her money. Focus on your kids. Perhaps see about counseling for them and you. Serve her with divorce papers.
She needs a wake up call.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I think you should file for a legal separation and ask for child support since you have the kids full time. Stop letting her crank you around. Thames charge, you are the most responsible adult here. It is not fair to you or your kids to have her instability tolerated. 

You make the decision, why should she get to treat you and your kids like you don't matter. The kids need definition and predictability they need to know what is going on. Staying in limbo hurts you and them. Let her feel a little reality and you take back control. It will do wonders for you emotions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Snooring (Mar 10, 2011)

car7270 said:


> Thanks for the replies. Our boys are 15 and 12. My older son is really affected by it. On the day that she announced that we were getting separated he was very angry with her because he saw all the things that she was doing and he blamed her for the separation and she responded by telling him F... you, F... you, all you've ever done is cause me problems anyway. Words that he will never forget! There is no excuse for ever saying anything like that to your children! The younger one seemed affected by it a while back but not so much now but he could just be hiding it well. I was also thinking about serving her with divorce papers. Right now I'm still paying our bills and giving her some money because she doesn't work. I know that I'm enabling her to continue to do what she is doing but once again it's my heart that gets in the way. In reality she should be giving me money. If there were things that were not being met they were never brought up. Like I mentioned in my post in May she posted on her facebook wall that she was madly in love with me and thanked God for giving her such an incredible husband so I thought I was doing everything right but 2 months later she does a 360 after meeting up for coffee a few times with that person. I'm a hard worker, I did pretty much everything around the house like cooking, cleaning and laundry. She has fibromyalgia so her body was in pain alot so I helped out in every which way. Our sex life was great. Not alot of it due to her illness but it was great when it happened. Usually two or three times a week. I really don't understand why she would of left the marriage for a loser. He doesn't work. He collects permanent disability at age 40. Even though I don't know why. If you can hop your big ass on a motorcycle your back can't be that bad. Really! Her plan was that I was going to move out of our house and she would of eventually moved him in but my inlaws threw a monkey wrench in that plan by telling her that I wasn't moving anywhere and that she was not allowed to bring any man into the house because of the children. My inlaws live in the same house as we do. We just have our own floor downstairs that was built just for us. They let me stay in a bedroom upstairs until she moved out completely. Even when I lived upstairs she was never here anyway for the children. After they left for school she wouldn't return till midnight so what was the purpose anyway. I'm not going to say that I was perfect. Everyone has their flaws. Maybe I should of taken more walks with her when she asked me to but I was tired from work and doing stuff around the house. I don't know? Again, thanks for all your advice.



I cant belieave someone treating you with no respect you still thinking of be together again. More than that you even give her money to go to spend (for her to spend with other men).

she left you and your children, let her feel it. No more money giving and Divorce her. do not buy that facebook thing she is just manipulating and play with you brain for you to hang on there and keep on let her enjoy other men and you give them money for them to enjoy


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## johnboy63 (May 2, 2011)

F-102 said:


> 9 times out of 10, a woman wants a new life when another man shows the possibility to her.
> 
> KICK HER TO THE CURB!!!


AMEN to that!

Your wife is being selfish right now and if you take her back she will always look down on you as less of a man than she already does. Divorce her and just reinforce to your kids it has nothing to do with them, not their fault, and everything to do with mom being an unhappy selfish b*tch. You can do it brother! Dont let her bipolar a$$ get the better of you! Be a man in front of your boys! You guys deserve much more than what your wife is giving you. You have to lead by example or else your boys will be suckers like their dad was. Not to be mean but I think you need to grow a pair!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

*What Makes A Woman Decide Suddenly That She Wants A Different Life *

Usually a third party is the answer to this.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I don't know. I'm sure everyone's different and most people think they have a pretty good reason.


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## grayhound (Jan 18, 2011)

ugh. I've seen this happen several times. One spouse just freaks out, can't handle the pressure and wants to be a kid again.

She needs some serious help, but she can only get help if she wants it 

I agree with everyone else. Let her go self destruct for a while and maybe... someday... she'll come back.

Your kids need stability and they are SO LUCKY that you are doing that for them.

Things will get easier with time. 

I think your wife will go and get it out of her system and then wake up one day and snap out of it... but it could take months or years. If you give her all the space in the world, no advice, no emotional interfering... hopefully, she'll wake up and come back. And the more aloof you are, the more she'll want you (it's human nature).

Continue to be an awesome dad, and set her free...

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this  So so sad. I truly hope it all works out and you get a happy ending.

Good luck!!


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

She wakes up! HA

Sorry, just wanted to spread a little humor.

Age, facing mortality, deciding that her needs are just as or more important than her husband and kids.

That she is a person too.

Us women tend to carry the load of everyone else's issues and happiness on our shoulders and we tend to get very little in return. 

We're taught to sacrifice, put others needs before ours (especially our children) and in the process of doing that - we lose who we are - what our goals and dreams were - we lose our soul to others.

We finally reach a stage where "WE" become more important than everyone else. When we reach that stage, we either want to strike out on our own and see if there truly is more to life than what we've known, or we want to try and figure out who WE are - we know who our husbands and children are - but we've lost sight of who WE are.

Some women stay in the marriage and exert their independence, detach while still being a wife and mother and try to find themselves again.

Others find that it's easier if all those distractions (and I know this may sound harsh but at that point that's what they become) are gone and they can focus on JUST THEM.

I'm sorry you are going through this - but if she finds herself and wants to be part of YOU again, she will come back.

If not, then I hate to say it - but you're better off without her - she will continue to be unhappy, frustrated, disappointed and resentful and that will just make the TWO of you unhappy.

Now, the kids - she shouldn't walk away from them. But maybe she feels you would be a better parent right now than she would. I hope this isn't a permanent split with the children - she will regret that later and it may be too late.

Sorry I didn't have any wise words of wisdom - but Good Luck to you.


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