# Could you completely ignore it?



## liftmeup (Jan 27, 2013)

.........


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Absolutely not. I would ask for more details from her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

liftmeup said:


> If a woman contacted you over Facebook and told you your spouse cheated several years ago, but he denies it, would you be able to completely let it go?


No. But there are two ways of looking at this:-

1) My husband had an affair. She will have to provide proof.
2) My husband did not have an affair. So why is this woman lying to me?


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

No, I would not be able to let it go. It would eat at me until I made myself sick. I would ask her for more info. What's her motivation for dropping a bomb like that on you?


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Okay, so what's your motivation? Why delay for 4 years?


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

liftmeup said:


> I recently spoke to his ex wife to confess to her. She then told me he was a serial cheat and told me stories of what he and his now wife did to her while he was married to her. It enraged me because he said he had never done it before. I was so dumb and naive. I had felt guilt and held the secret for so long I just had to let it out.


Forgive me for being slow. So, what you are saying is his current wife was the affair partner that broke up his first marriage? And now the current wife doesn't believe that her husband could cheat on her, since he came up with such a great excuse? If so, that is rich!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What proof did you give her? Or was it just your word?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

liftmeup said:


> I'm the woman he cheated with 4 years ago and I recently confessed. I'm certain that he denied it but it is true. I'm just wondering if what i said had any change in her mind - do you think she just let it go or do you think there is doubt now?


If some random dude called me to tell me my wife cheated on me the year we were engaged 4 or 5 yr ago I'd tell him to f/o. 

Why? because he's a sh1t disturber. I got plenty of those in RL.
Esp if I had no reason to doubt.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

liftmeup said:


> I recently spoke to his ex wife to confess to her. She then told me he was a serial cheat ... It enraged me because he said he had never done it before.



So you were motivated by revenge then? Of course she knows he is a cheat if he cheated with her while he was with his first wife.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

I think this new wife should consider herself no better than Leanne Rimes, and have the same insecurities. She was an affair partner, therefore, she can expect the karma bus to pull in front of her house at any time. With the exception of wife #1, I have an uncle who married every affair partner who ruined the previous marriage. He is on wife #4.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

ly


liftmeup said:


> Yes that is what I'm saying...she helped him cheat on his first wife and then he cheated with me. I messaged her and she seemed to believe me....then after talking to him she said to quit stalking her and get a life. I was only trying to help her, I didn't know he was a serial cheat.
> 
> *What I am asking though, is do you think this has upset her? Even if he denies it, do you think she has doubt in her mind now? I told her what goes around comes around. He cheated with me while he was engaged to this woman.*


*


So 4 years ago he cheated with you while he was engaged....Now you're stirring this up? Why do you care at this point?*


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

So now you have integrity. I think you want to cause trouble, after all she's married to a Dr.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

How did your relationship with him end?

You cheated with him when he was with his first wife?

Or when he was engaged to his second wife?

Or both?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

liftmeup said:


> I was motivated by wanting to tell the truth. And I felt that she had a right to know - I bet he has dome it since, he is a Dr. after all.


What does him being a doctor have to do with anything?


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Dr. and his current wife are both cheaters, correct?

Maybe she is cheating on him right now with a different doctor who makes more money, so she doesn't care so much if he's cheating on her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

liftmeup said:


> It bothered me all these years but I didn't deal with it. I knew of his ex wife and messaged her with the confession. Then she told me all about his past and how he is a serial liar/cheat. I found out things he had told me were a total lie and it upset me. I feel better now that I let the toxic secret out.


You have let her know. It should not be a surprise to her because she already knows he's a cheater.

If she chooses to stay with him anyway that's her business. 

Now it's time for you to let go and move on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

liftmeup said:


> It ended when he got married. I was naive and lonely and I got sucked in. He cheated on his fiance (now his second wife) with me. His second wife helped him cheat on his first wife. I told her what goes around comes around.


What do you mean when you say that she "helped him cheat on his first wife"? 

Did he cheat with her? Or did she help him cheat with someone else?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

liftmeup said:


> I was motivated by wanting to tell the truth. And I felt that she had a right to know - I bet he has dome it since, he is a Dr. after all.


Don't feel quilty. You exposed what he did and that's what you should have done. Now it's not on your problem any more whether his wife believes him or not. She surely won't have blind trust and will pay attention.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

OK, so if I have this straight, he lied to you when you slept with him - you appear not to have known he was engaged. You also didn't know that he was a serial cheat or that his fiancee had cheated with him in his marriage to his ex-wife. So, the guilt gets to you, you contact the ex-wife, who tells you all about his cheating ways & the role the new wife played in the breakup of her marriage. So, now you're not motivated primarily by guilt but by anger, so you message the new wife, who appears now to have swallowed the husband's lies. Is that about right?

I think, first, that independent of their bad characters, they weren't married when this happened. I'm old school and don't consider that adultery. Second, you've done your duty re informing the new wife that her H is a lying cheat. Apparently, she already knows this; if she thinks he's only that way with the women before her and that she's 'special,' well, then, the karma bus is clearly headed her way.

This is no longer your business. Leave it alone. You can't make him stop being such an effective liar & you can't stop her from buying his lies. Nor should you think it's your place anymore.


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

I'm going to be completely frank so I apologize in advance if this is brutal. But I have a friend who did this and I know what her motive was....I think you are hoping it does upset her and that she leaves him and will come back to you...you're still clinging to him and maybe you are now a stalker, but you don't just do something like that without good reason 4 years later. You're here asking because you're hoping to hear that she is stupid for staying and believing him and maybe she is but its none of your business. If you've been out of contact with him for 4 years, you don't have a clue what their life is like now and you could be ruining a decent marriage and familt if there are kids involved that struggled when you got involved and screwed it up. 
Let it go, and go find someone else. 
I apologize for my candor.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## familyfirst09 (Dec 6, 2012)

No one on here can tell you what her reaction would be, we don't know her and everyone handles things differently. Its none of your business how she reacts. When my friend did this, she was hoping the woman would leave her husband and he didn't, he hates her even more and my friend almost committed suicide because of it all (she's much better now). You're not going to get the answer you're looking for, sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

liftmeup said:


> I'm just wondering if something like this will haunt her or will his denial have her writing it off? That's all I wanna know.


Most betrayed spouses who come here are in denial about the severity of the affair and cling to any shred of hope that their spouse did not really cheat on them. Based on that, I would say it probably won't bother his current wife too much, she'll just write you off as some jealous stalker.


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