# Wife's Habit Causing Great Stress



## boilermaker (Dec 26, 2014)

My wife has taken up chewing gum. She chews with her mouth open and makes noise. She also puts a wad about the size of a quarter in her mouth, so she really has to open her jaws wide when she is chomping it. She starts as soon as she gets out of bed and does not stop until she goes back to bed. I have had a problem with people chewing with their mouth open and making noises all my life. I don't know why, but it causes me a great amount of stress, actually driving me into a rage like state. i don't act out on it, but it simmers and makes me very anxious and stressed. i have asked my wife to try and not chew with er mouth open and make the popping and cracking noises, but she tells me "that's tough" and "if you don't like it leave". I can't even bring it up any more because it causes a screaming match. I have been married to her for 30 years. Any help?


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## that.girl (Aug 27, 2014)

boilermaker said:


> i have asked my wife to try and not chew with er mouth open and make the popping and cracking noises, but she tells me "that's tough" and "if you don't like it leave".


Next time she suggests you should leave if you don't like it, take her advice. Tell her, "I can't listen to that anymore," and leave the room. Be consistent with this. If she knows you won't spend time with her while she's making gross chewing noises, she will hopefully try not to do it around you.

If she prefers smacking her gum over spending time with you, then you have other problems. 

Bonus points if you can record her and show her exactly how it sounds. 

Do you know why she's chewing gum now? Maybe you can help find a substitute behavior?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Every time she does it, say "I can't handle the rudeness" and leave the room. And if she throws a fit, record her and tell her it's going on FB so everyone can see how rude and gross it is.


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## boilermaker (Dec 26, 2014)

She took it up when she quit smoking, which I am very grateful for. One of her responses to my complaint about the open mouth chewing was, "Would you rather I start smoking again? I would rather do that anyway and I only quit that because you wanted me to." The thing is, she stopped smoking 5 years ago. She goes through a bag of 180 pieces of gum in two days. She claims she has a "fixation" and HAS to do something. She even has a fake cigarette she keeps hanging out of her mouth all the time, even when she is exercising. If I ask about it, she makes sucking and blowing noises like she is smoking, knowing the noises upset me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does your wife only chew gum when she is around you? Or is she doing this in public and around extended family and friends?

What is the reason that she is chewing so much gum? 

Is she doing it just to annoy you?

Is she doing it because she has a health issue that the gum helps to relieve?

In addition to the suggestions others have given, I would be tempted to get a video of her chewing with her mouth open and making noise. She might change her attitude if she saw what she looks like doing this.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Have a chat with her dentist. When he examines her teeth, he may find that she is damaging them with all that chewing. Does the prospect of implants or false teeth excite her?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Sounds like your wife really doesn't like you. What's up with that?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

boilermaker said:


> She took it up when she quit smoking, which I am very grateful for. One of her responses to my complaint about the open mouth chewing was, "Would you rather I start smoking again? I would rather do that anyway and I only quit that because you wanted me to." The thing is, she stopped smoking 5 years ago. She goes through a bag of 180 pieces of gum in two days. She claims she has a "fixation" and HAS to do something. She even has a fake cigarette she keeps hanging out of her mouth all the time, even when she is exercising. If I ask about it, she makes sucking and blowing noises like she is smoking, knowing the noises upset me.


Ok, this explains a lot. She's pissed at you because she feels that you took away her nicotine laced pacifier. And she's having trouble dealing with it. So now she is punishing you.

How long has she been chewing gum to this extent? Is the open mouth chewing and noises something that started recently or has she been doing this for 5 years?

Your wife is struggling with not smoking. Nicotine helps some people cope, it's a form of self medication. She no longer has that and is trying to cope with the gum. But she is not getting the fix she 'needs' so she keeps popping gum in hopes that sooner or later she will get the fix. And as a result she has developed a obsessive compulsive behavior.

I think she needs to see a doctor to see if they can give her something to help her now get rid of the fixation/OCD.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

turnera said:


> Sounds like your wife really doesn't like you. What's up with that?


Exactly what I was going to say. 

As for the gum, yuk, gross, no class.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

To be honest, I think disgusting personal habits are a huge problem in relationships. I had an employee come out to the front shop to talk to a customer while chewing gum with his mouth open. I was shocked and affronted. That's pretty much a written warning offence for an employee. For my DH or children, simply unacceptable.

Living with that all day every day would drive me insane. At the point where a spouse really couldn't care less about how you feel and how badly you are affected by something they are doing, you really need to start questioning why you are still in a relationship with them. Quality of life... it doesn't matter how long you've invested in a relationship, if it's going to make the rest of your life miserable, being alone would be better.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Do you get this way with anyone making mouth noises, or just your wife? I can relate 100%. It's called misophonia. Sure, the way your wife is acting is troubling and should be addressed. But can you get help for your issue? There are specialists that can help. I know what you're going through.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Did she originally start out on the nicotine quitting gum? 

Maybe in her mind she's developed the hope that if she chews that gum hard enough or loud enough, she'll get that old buzz back.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
Perhaps she is hoping that by annoying and upsetting you with her obnoxious chewing that you will prefer her to go back to cigarettes. I am told that ceasing smoking is difficult but if the nicotine craving isn't out of her system after 5 years then I would be concerned. It may just be her resentment of you for "making" her quit and she is getting back at you. Does she chew during lovemaking? If not, do a lot more lovemaking and kill the proverbial two birds with one stone.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Oh god OP I feel your pain my friend. I CANNOT tolerate mouth noises either - chomping, smacking, slurping, clicking...ugh...gah! They literally make my blood boil.

I don't know what the answer is, but you have my sympathy.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

In the Love Busters book, this would qualify as an "annoying habit". 

So while in a smaller context, it could be dismissed as a small thing to be overlooked, but at this stage it probably feels like slow water torture. This like this can actually diminish love in the relationship.

Unfortunately, your wife feels entitled her oral fixatives and has you over a barrel. You really have no leverage unless you create some...which may even result in calling your wife's bluff about leaving.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

All i can say is quitting smoking is tough, but that is a hexk of a lot of gum. Enough for me and my wife for about 4 months, every 2 days. 
MN


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