# External Validation Needed



## Allusedup (Jan 4, 2012)

New here. I guess I just need to know what I'm doing is right/validation that there is no hope/who knows what else. Together with hubby 20+ years, 3 kids 8 6 and 4. Found out the day of our anniversary that hubby was having an affair with a married woman. (This was after 3 months of therapy due to the fact the hubby had me convinced there was something wrong with me because I suspected there was something going on with him. My therapist finally told me I was being fooled, and to go after proof.) Did the 180, and exposed the affair as soon as I found proof. All I got for it was blasted for being so 'unvelievably uncaring and unfeeling' by my husband, and an invitation for my husband from the husband of the woman he was having his affair with to join them. My husband now spends 2 weekends a month with them in 'heaven' at their house. I've tried kicking my husband out, but we own the house together and he refuses to leave. 

The question I have is this. Why haven't I filed the paperwork to divorce him yet?! Why do I still hope that my husband will some day wake up and see that what he's doing as wrong?! Can one of you please give me a swift kick in my mental behind? There's no reason for me to not file. The only thing I'll have to arrange is day care and figure out how to afford his alimony. (I work, husb hasn't in 8 years.) Deep down I know there's no saving our marriage, and why would I want to after how I've been treated?! Is there something wrong with me?


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Get an attorney, separate finances, cut his finances off, is your husband disabled or a stay at home dad or just lazy. Don't assume you will have to pay alimony.....

Do the 180 (others can speak to that better than me)......

Sorry your here but no one deserves to be disrespected by anyone like you are know......other thing expose your husband and the other couple...expose, expose, shine some light on this!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Allusedup said:


> New here. I guess I just need to know what I'm doing is right/validation that there is no hope/who knows what else. Together with hubby 20+ years, 3 kids 8 6 and 4. Found out the day of our anniversary that hubby was having an affair with a married woman. (This was after 3 months of therapy due to the fact the hubby had me convinced there was something wrong with me because I suspected there was something going on with him. My therapist finally told me I was being fooled, and to go after proof.) Did the 180, and exposed the affair as soon as I found proof. All I got for it was blasted for being so 'unvelievably uncaring and unfeeling' by my husband, and an invitation for my husband from the husband of the woman he was having his affair with to join them. My husband now spends 2 weekends a month with them in 'heaven' at their house. I've tried kicking my husband out, but we own the house together and he refuses to leave.
> 
> 
> The question I have is this. Why haven't I filed the paperwork to divorce him yet?! Why do I still hope that my husband will some day wake up and see that what he's doing as wrong?! Can one of you please give me a swift kick in my mental behind? There's no reason for me to not file. The only thing I'll have to arrange is day care and figure out how to afford his alimony. (I work, husb hasn't in 8 years.) Deep down I know there's no saving our marriage, and why would I want to after how I've been treated?! Is there something wrong with me?



File the paperwork, is your state a no fault state? if not use adultry, get a good att the best you can afford,the courts will make him pay his share of child support, job or not, there are his kids to and he has to help support them, cut of his $, let him go live in heaven and they can pay to take care of his spolied ass....he dosent see that he is doing wrong because you are letting him "cake eat" 

get tested for STD's they sound like swingers and are you sure the OWH was who you spoke with? could have been a trick.


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## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

Allusedup - I understand your screen name but I hate it.

Do you want to give him a swift kick in the but, file for divorce and have him served at one of his 'heaven retreats'.......he thinks of you as weak, no guts, that's why he walks in you, dies what he wants even though he is crushing your heart. Divorce papers often wake-up the offending party leading to reconciliation - if you truly want that. 

Get strong and be strong!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

There is nothing wrong with you. It's him.

File now, seek individual and child counseling.

You deserve better than what you have. Start on it now.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Change the locks while he's off on one of his heavenly weekends - and please, stop enabling him to do this to you. Best of luck!


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