# married and still virgins :(



## sooldstillavirgin (Apr 1, 2010)

my life is the saddest... i am 28, hubby is 31 we got married 4 months ago and still haven't been able to consummate.
he couldn't get it up. with pills when he DID get it up.. i was too tight/ hymen was intact .. and he couldn't push it in hard enough
and anyway his libido is nil. i crave for sex. and love him to much to cheat. 
i sometimes feel like ending my life.. i feel so horribly miserable. can't understand what to do


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

You might see a doctor for an inspection. If your hymen is too thick to comfortably break (not that it's usually comfortable), a scalpel can take care of that in a hurry. A doctor can also set you up with a vaginal dilator, with which you can get used to how your vaginal muscles work and ease your first intercourse. I'm going to guess that you might do well to find a female gynecologist.

It may be that his libido went nil after your initial difficulties, and if you get them straightened out his libido will return.


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## kiwigirl (Mar 29, 2010)

have you done other stuff? like fingering ? the first time is a wee bit uncomfortable but it shouldn really hurt aslong as he gets you wet enough, have you tried using lubricant. 
maybe you should encourage him to see a doctor. you cant not ever have sex in your life so you need to talk to him. hope things get better


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

When I took my soon-to-be-x's virginity it was difficult because it does hurt a little and you don't want to be hurting yoru partner so it may require a little bit of work and concentration that an "ow!" can break for the guy

You are both virgins and on the older side (but it's not unheard of - my friend just took a 28 year old's virginity a few months ago). . .and you may not realize this being virgins but sex is not like the movies (porn or otherwise).

There is normally a lot of fumbling and awkwardness. Sometimes it doesn't work. Don't get uptight about it becuase it only makes matters worse.

Lubricant is a general remedy for most situations, whether natural (vaginal or a tongue) or from a bottle.

Just giving you the psychological aspect of it. . .by all means see a physician if you think there's something physiological.

Keep jumping in the saddle. Good luck.


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

i had a few friends which suffered the same thing.usually you'll have to go to a gyneacologist as some hymens are just too thick.as artieb said a scalpel takes care of everything and they do it under general anaethesia so u wont feel anything.this doesnt mean everything will be great afterward as the pain you have felt for the first four months will cause you to unconsiously tighten your vaginal muscles in fear of pain.so you will have to take it slowly afterwards and use soo much lubrication which is the key to a painless intercourse.
about your husband with no libido, he might just be too scared to hurt you.but i assure you things will return to normal one you take care of your problems.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

The surgery is called a "Hymenectomy", I was scheduled for it after 3 months of my husband trying to get it in me, here I was found to be pregnant, so the surgery was cancelled. It took another 5 months after this -for him to "fully" penetrate me. The price of being a virgin! He feared hurting me & the baby, but it all worked out -with patience & perseverance. 


If you choose to wait this out, You need to 1st use alot of lube, and with what he is struggling with, do you think this is just pure "Performance Anxiety? UNder these circumstances, could very well be. If he has morning erections and can masterbate successfully-that IS what it is. Viagra , etc is used successfully with this and one great thing is -- it can be used for a time, till he gets over this (all in the mind) and not have to be used ever again, it is not addicting , nor will his body become dependant on it. 

Please don't despair. As long as you are both willing to keep at it, it will all work out, may take months, like it did for us, but eventually he "got it in ".  Or please do see your OBGYN.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

You see, I hope you feel better about this. . .you got 3 female and 1 male perspective. You know. . .now that I recall (and I forgot this), I think it took a few times of sex (1-3x) before my stb-x's hymen was totally torn. (damn this is bringing back memories). Because I was sitting here thinking - "Well how the hell could you be pregnant without a torn hymen?" That's the answer - it just got partially torn.

Let me kind of give you some more of the male raw psychology.

We want to feel, when we are entering our partner, like, the woman is saying, "Oh my God. At last!!!! That feels sooooooooooo good. At lassssstttttt!!!!" 

The reality is, and I realize this,. . .well, it hurts a little for the female. . .sometimes. And that can be figuratively and literally deflating. I mean, your man can't always know when you are ready, perfectly lubbed, etc. He only knows when he's ready.

You and your husbands are virgins. I think you so much deserve each other and I think it's great.

Don't cheat! And don't give up!

And let us all know when it happens so we can all applaud. We are all feeling for the both of you. And get your OB/GYN involved.

Good luck.


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## Me'N'My'Girl (Jan 10, 2010)

Scannerguard said:


> You see, I hope you feel better about this. . .you got 3 female and 1 male perspective. You know. . .now that I recall (and I forgot this), I think it took a few times of sex (1-3x) before my stb-x's hymen was totally torn. (damn this is bringing back memories). Because I was sitting here thinking - "Well how the hell could you be pregnant without a torn hymen?" That's the answer - it just got partially torn.
> 
> Let me kind of give you some more of the male raw psychology.
> 
> ...


just wanted to say that she can actually be pregnant without a partially torn hymen.if u find a hard time understanding it,thats how a woman gets her period without having a partially torn hymen.the hymen doesnt cover the whole opening.actually when it does a girl wont get her period and it will keep accumulating inside her body so she'll need a surgery to make a small opening in it.sorry for the biology class but i just wanted to say that u can get pregnant even without full penetration.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me'N'My'Girl said:


> sorry for the biology class but i just wanted to say that u can get pregnant even without full penetration.


 My 1st son is proof of that! I even shared this stuff with my parents, and they used to joke about him being the immaculent conception.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Um... buy a vibrator and give it a good shove?


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

ouch!


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## mike1 (Jun 15, 2009)

How about implementing some toys to get you warmed up? Buy a few different sizes of dildos/vibes and start with the skinniest and work your way up to help stretch you out and have him break your hymen with one of your toys.


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