# Husband EA for the second time...advice?



## Rmommy22 (Jan 17, 2012)

A little background, we have been married 7 years, and have two young kids. We have had normal trouble patches of any marriage, money, time issues, etc. 
We were having a rough spot with him being distant and not taking resposibility for anything in our marriage middle of last year. At that point I also confronted him about inappropriate texts between him and a coworker(Yes sexual texting, and pictures, but supposedly no PA). We went to some counciling and worked things out, he said he was sorry and he would never to do something like that again. We have worked on plans together to stay on the right track and I thought we were doing well. 
Now, a couple of days ago I had a bad feeling, just a random thought; so to make myself feel better I checked his phone. Yeah, I found more sexual texts to a different coworker. I looked into records and found a lot of communication between them as well as pictures. This has been going on since before we had the counceling before. 
At this point I confronted him and he said it was a bad choice made while we were going through rough times, but i showed him the new texts from a couple of days ago. Again he swears there was no PA but definately an EA. 
He is sorry again and swears he doesnt want to break up our family but I just don't believe it at this point. He loves me and never wanted to hurt me...but expects us to just move on from here. If we did not have kids I would have left the day I found out. Now, I am just trying to figure out if it is worth it to work things out or not. Honestly I do not believe in my heart that it will never happen again so I don't know if I will even be able to get over it enough to work on...
Is this feeling just because this is so fresh, am i just being hard hearted, or is it time to throw in the towel???


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Rmommy22 said:


> He is sorry again and swears he doesnt want to break up our family *but I just don't believe it at this point*.


As you should. How many chances is he going to get? 3rd time lucky perhaps?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

You now know that his remorse was false. He was conducting this affair at the same time that he was in counseling with you to improve your marriage. And when someone's actions aren't consistent with his words, you should always believe his actions.

So, of course, now he says he wants to move on without any consequences for his affairs. That's normal rug sweeping that most disloyal spouses want.

You have to decide whether you'll accept it. If I were you, I would run a hard 180 and start shopping for lawyers.

The 180 means you change your behaviors 180 degrees from what you've been doing, because it's not working. You stop supporting him. You begin to detach emotionally from him. This makes it easier for you to move on, and it gets him used to the idea of not having you around.

Sometimes, the 180 can snap a disloyal spouse back to reality and true remorse can exist. Real remorse means that your spouse gives you full transparency to his life (phone/email/Facebook/etc). But, if not, it will make your divorce easier.

The Healing Heart: The 180

Good luck.


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