# im in a mess...



## hopeless romantic (Dec 1, 2008)

i married when i was 19 to a guy (we will call him Ty) ...we went through all the trials of a young marraige, drinking, lying, sometimes even violent arguments...my senior year in college he told me he had cheated on me while he was working away. not long after he left me we filed for divorce...and my whole world crumbled...i overdosed on sleeping pills and ended up in the hospital unsuccessful at ending my own life. 
years passed ...i moved an hour away ...he stayed in the same town...we talked on the phone, saw each other, and were on and off again...then he told me he was moving to IRAQ for work for a year. I cried...told him we will make things right again...when he gets home...and we stopped the divorce proceedings. the first year i saw him twice for two weeks each time but as his term ended he informed me he was signing up again...year two goes by and he informes me that he was signing up for year three...
while he was over there...he helped me pay for a child hood dream of mine....lets say ( publishing a book) ...after he did that i felt so grateful but i kept telling him...i didnt care about the money i just wanted him home...
i was getting to the point of beyond lonely...i was living by myself in a new town...just waiting for him...i told him...i needed him to come home immediately he refused.

in the meanwhile...i ran into a friend from school whom i had been best friends with...since we were 5. when we saw each other there was an immediate connection....a sense of comfort....and i felt myself feeling torn between....letting go of 
Ty or beginning a relationship w/ (we will call the friend ROSS) . I didnt do the right thing....i should have been honest with TY but instead i spent time with ROSS while TY was in IRAQ. soon TY came home on vacation and found a letter ROSS wrote to me....he was devastated ....and that was the last week I ever saw him. We went to the lawyer...filed for divorce....cried and cried together over everything....and he drove away. 

It was only a few months after TY left that I moved across the country and moved in with ROSS. Things moved pretty quickly and soon he asked me to marry him...i accepted. I genuinely love this man...he is a good soul and has a wonderful heart. 

Now i am four months married...and everyday i think of TY and miss him.....even though our marraige was abusive and full of lies....i miss him terribly....I dont know how to imagine life with him never in it again....it hurts so much. I look at ROSS and see our relationship is so much healthier ...and I trust him alot more than I ever did Ty....but somehow....although i know i love him...I dont know if I will ever love him the way i do TY? 

i am hoping time will make things clearer....but for now im lost confused...i feel lonely even when im with Ross...i feel empty. 

i know that TY is back overseas and will be for a few more years....I dont know what to do.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

One thing people rarely do is give themselves breaks inbetween relationships. Your issues come from the fact you feel like you don't have closure even though you made your choice.

draconis


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## missagain (Dec 1, 2008)

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but because of the stuff that happened when you first broke up with Ty (suicide attempt) I think you should seek help to sort out your feelings and do this soon before you get too much more upset over it. This is a very difficult thing you are dealing with and it isn't worth taking a chance on hurting yourself. No matter which way you go, your life will go forward and you can be happy. There is no such thing as "the perfect one, the only one, prince charming" every good relationship takes work, care, kindness and responsibility. And what one person has, the next will lack. Do you know what I mean? So, before you get too alone, too sad, go talk to a counselor and find a good one, don't settle for one unless you can really grow from your time with him/her. You sound very caring so take care of you first.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

A agree with Drac and have said many times on the forum people should not get involved in a new relationship before they have ended the current one. It often leaves one with no sense of closure. No sense that you gave it your all. Don’t make the same mistake twice, give your marriage to Ross all you have. It sounds as if he is a decent guy and deserves the chance. Ty on the other hand has proved to be unfaithful, abusive and non committal. Remember he refused to come home to you for several years even though you wanted and needed him. Let him go, in my opinion he is not worth it.


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## hopeless romantic (Dec 1, 2008)

wow thanks ya'll...im no chat room or forum girl....and it is a strange feeling hearing other people understand or at least listened to what i had to say....it means alot you took time to comment. thank you from the bottom of my heart. 
im doing the best i can and trying to focus on my marraige ...i am realizing there are many things i can work on to make my life happier.
one is reaching out to others for help and guidance. 
this being the first step.
thanks so much.
hopeless romantic


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