# Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?



## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

.... or have you never told them?


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

I have spilled all of them except one. This one is too extreme and I'm not sure if I want to do it really. A fantasy in your mind sometimes is very different when played out in reality. 

The plan is to keep it tucked away for the time being.


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?*



TheStranger said:


> I have spilled all of them except one. This one is too extreme and I'm not sure if I want to do it really. A fantasy in your mind sometimes is very different when played out in reality.
> 
> The plan is to keep it tucked away for the time being.


Is it because you don't think she would understand and think you are screwed up?


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Yes. She does.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yes. He does/did. We never had trouble in the bedroom until about a few months ago where it just hurt. He cannot have nice sex.


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## Hetfield (Feb 7, 2010)

I spilled my fantasies to my wife and all I got was a sideways look like I had come from another planet.

When I asked about hers, the answer was a very quick "don't have any".


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Nope.


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?*



Hetfield said:


> I spilled my fantasies to my wife and all I got was a sideways look like I had come from another planet.
> 
> When I asked about hers, the answer was a very quick "don't have any".


Ouch


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?*



that_girl said:


> Yes. He does/did. We never had trouble in the bedroom until about a few months ago where it just hurt. He cannot have nice sex.


Too rough? Mean?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

cavenger said:


> Too rough? Mean?


Painful. No emotion. Just....sex.

I like it rough. But when there's no tenderness any time, it just hurts.


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?*



that_girl said:


> Painful. No emotion. Just....sex.
> 
> I like it rough. But when there's no tenderness any time, it just hurts.


Sounds boring.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

cavenger said:


> Sounds boring.


Boring?

:rofl:

It was lame. Our sex was never boring. Au contrair  It just got impersonal but it doesn't matter now. We're divorcing.


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?*



that_girl said:


> Boring?
> 
> :rofl:
> 
> It was lame. Our sex was never boring. Au contrair  It just got impersonal but it doesn't matter now. We're divorcing.


I guess I mean sex without passion is boring to me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

cavenger said:


> I guess I mean sex without passion is boring to me.


It wasn't boring for me, it was just like,.....cheap. 

Nothing worse than feeling like a wh0re in your own bed.


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?*



that_girl said:


> It wasn't boring for me, it was just like,.....cheap.
> 
> Nothing worse than feeling like a wh0re in your own bed.


We are all different. That is not what I like to do either. But I have been with women who wanted more of that. Sex is different for everyone and compatibility dang important for a good relationship.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

OK. lol. Preachin to the choir, man.


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## Gabey (Feb 20, 2013)

that_girl said:


> It wasn't boring for me, it was just like,.....cheap.
> 
> Nothing worse than feeling like a wh0re in your own bed.


Sorry to hear about your divorce. I'm sure this wasn't the only thing leading to it.

A fantasy in the bedroom for us takes us out of real life. For example, my wife is very religious and conservative in real life, but she enjoys the role playing. Most of the time, I initiate and I'm trying to get her to be more creative and spontaneous. We've done the "I'm lonely and away on business and an escort (her) seduces me" or "she's the housewife that needs her drain snaked with no money to pay the plumber". If that happens in real life -- sleazy, but in the bedroom -- really fun!

Neither one of us would ever cheat (20 years together), but it keeps the bedroom very exciting.


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

cavenger said:


> Is it because you don't think she would understand and think you are screwed up?


The fantasy is screwed up and I don't understand why it is such a turn on for me. Thankfully, it's nothing abusive, painful, illegal or required a different partner.

I don't know. Perhaps I'll leave it till my middle age crisis.


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## Caribvistors (Jan 13, 2013)

I have always been confortable in sharing my fantasies with my wife. She was never critical or judgemental and sometimes asked me questions about them. She has agreed to participate with me in acting out these scenarios. It is not something we do all of the time, but each occasion is truely special. I know that I am a very lucky husband to be married to such an open minder woman.

On the other hand, she for many years denied every having any fantasies, but then about 12-15 years ago began slowly opening up to me and revealing her "dark secrets". We now often incorperate her fantasies into our love making and they seem to always help (when needed) to push her "over the top". I have mentioned to her how much she seems to enjoy them during those intimate moments and what a waste it was that she kept from sharing them for so many years. 

An example of the value of good communications between a husband and wife..


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

No, plain and simple, no.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

not many. i have intimacy issues, lol so I dont share a lot unless there is alcohol or weed then i get talkative. He hasnt shared any with me. I did ask him what was on his sexual bucket list, but that conversation didnt really go anywhere. He says he gets his sexual needs met with what we are doing, but this dude has a freaky side, i just know it. Ive seen little snippits, lol


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## tracyishere (Dec 2, 2012)

Sure, but he can't understand how I could have such a fantasy. It bothered him. And truthfully his fantasy bothers me as well. So I guess they will remain just that...a fantasy.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

No. I'd like to share them, but communication about the most basic simplest sexual desires , like "move a little to the left" or " a softer touch" remains elusive to me. I have a wild active fantasy life and the sex is awesome and exciting, titillating, fun, teasing, and the delayed orgasms are through the roof in my fantasies.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Yes. We"ve been together a long time.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Something new has reared it's head. 

I have recently discovered my wife likes me to spank her bottom... quite hard! She says it RELAXES her.

Quite the opposite for me, I have found the effect is like I.V. viagra ...Perhaps some exploration in the future.....:smthumbup:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Yes. He knows all of mine. I have no reason to keep them from him.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Hell to the no.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?


 YES.... 

It's one thing I treasure about my husband...that I can freely share every recess of my being with him...my lustful erotic mind... ... he never judges me...sometimes he just laughs....he is Game to try new things...he'd much prefer my mind be in the gutter over something mundane.. really. And he loves when I tell him what I want him to do to me. 

Fantasies are Like icing on a Cake...and when you can share them with your Lover, it's a double pleasure...It causes for an upped arousal , even a deeper connection when you "get" each other.....with no fear of getting more kinky creative... If I had to hide these parts of myself /couldn't BE myself...it would steal some of my Joy.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

My wife in not a safe person to share fantasies with. Anyone who reads my posts here knows 10 times more about my inner thoughts than she does. Most times if I share anything with her I get burned. Called a perv or worse. So I keep that stuff to myself.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My wife knows mine, but since we are no were near a midevil dungoen, she fells pretty safe.

I know my wifes' and .....well now that I'm meeting it, the guys in town are a little depressed.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> My wife in not a safe person to share fantasies with. Anyone who reads my posts here knows 10 times more about my inner thoughts than she does. Most times if I share anything with her I get burned. Called a perv or worse. So I keep that stuff to myself.


WOM. and being a perv is a bad thing????? :lol:


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## Daneosaurus (Dec 2, 2012)

the guy said:


> WOM. and being a perv is a bad thing????? :lol:


It is when your wife calls you one for wanting to spice up the bedroom.


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## kcait (Jan 31, 2013)

I've told my husband a couple...the one I didn't share is probably too much for him. He's very accepting and loving and non-judgmental but for some reason, he won't share any with me? He just kinda replies to my question of "what are yours?" with a simple answer of "yours sound good to me". Once we made the mistake of sharing who we would choose to join us in bed if we were up for a fmf threesome. The woman he mentioned was an old friend of his and I could tell he always had a thing for her. I didn't handle it well. I wasn't upset, I just get touchy when she comes up. Uuugh. Maybe he's gun shy now? I would love if he shared more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

kcait said:


> I've told my husband a couple...the one I didn't share is probably too much for him. He's very accepting and loving and non-judgmental but for some reason, he won't share any with me? He just kinda replies to my question of "what are yours?" with a simple answer of "yours sound good to me". Once we made the mistake of sharing who we would choose to join us in bed if we were up for a fmf threesome. The woman he mentioned was an old friend of his and I could tell he always had a thing for her. I didn't handle it well. I wasn't upset, I just get touchy when she comes up. Uuugh. Maybe he's gun shy now? I would love if he shared more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bring up the incident and say I acted like a jealous fool....Because I am one when it comes to sharing you....It might get him back into his comfort zone when it comes to sharing fantasies.........


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## cavenger (Aug 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Does your wife or husband know your most private fantasies?*



kcait said:


> I've told my husband a couple...the one I didn't share is probably too much for him. He's very accepting and loving and non-judgmental but for some reason, he won't share any with me? He just kinda replies to my question of "what are yours?" with a simple answer of "yours sound good to me". Once we made the mistake of sharing who we would choose to join us in bed if we were up for a fmf threesome. The woman he mentioned was an old friend of his and I could tell he always had a thing for her. I didn't handle it well. I wasn't upset, I just get touchy when she comes up. Uuugh. Maybe he's gun shy now? I would love if he shared more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you are right about gun shy. .... we are all attracted to other people. That doesn't mean anything will ever happen of it.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Yes she knows all of mine and from my understanding i know all of hers. Though it took several years for me to share my utmost deepest fantasies with her for fear of rejection or her being turned off ..... I was finally able to share them with her a few years ago.

Though she wasn't 100% receptive to them ...... at least she knows of them and at times has entertained my thoughts ummmmmm after a few drinks of course ahem ahem !


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

No he wouldn't be receptive to mine. ;-) mine are even kinkier than his. His are pretty easy to figure out...when he loses control the hints are pretty obvious.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm a dirty pervert and I never share my dark fantasies with just anyone, not even my ex when we were married because it really didn't feel safe to. I was hoping that in time we could have worked towards revealing each others really dark thoughts... in the end, during her affairs we both realized that there was a lot more to each other and it made me truly regretful that it ended before we got there.


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

Hetfield said:


> I spilled my fantasies to my wife and all I got was a sideways look like I had come from another planet.
> 
> When I asked about hers, the answer was a very quick "don't have any".


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Nope.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

The thread is to discuss whether or not you'd share your fantasies with your spouse. Not with the forum. A couple of posts have been deleted. For questions please review the SIM guidelines. Thanks.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

Hetfield said:


> When I asked about hers, the answer was a very quick "don't have any".


I shared a little, then I got the same response as you when I asked. 

So, no, I didn't share much after that.


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## Kaboom (Feb 6, 2013)

She knows most of my fantasies, but not all. Partly because I'm slightly bashful, but mostly because my fantasies are so twisted and perverted that I don't want to put myself in that terrible position of being looked at like a total freak.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

Pretty much. She's not terribly interested in the details.

She claims not to have many/any - and I think she's laregly telling the truth, as she seems a bit dissapointed by this at times. On the rare occasions she had an intimate dream, she does tell me about it.

One thing we're very clear on is classifying fantasies onto 'would/have tried', 'might consider, carefully' and 'only in fantasy - no chance of reality'
By keeping the boundaries clear, we're able to keep the discussions safe and open.


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## JoeHenderson (Oct 3, 2011)

Yes, I've shared that I'd like to have her give up the booty. She said something like, "eww, you know that's an exit, right?" I asked once or twice more. she declined each time and made me feel like a perv. hell, maybe i am


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I spilled my fantasies to my wife and all I got was a sideways look like I had come from another planet. When I asked about hers, the answer was a very quick "don't have any". This is probably typical. If you have something reasonably modest, then you can mention it to your wife, otherwise, you're better off keeping quiet.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

My husband thinks I'm more of an outlier than he is. His fantasies are pretty standard, mine are a bit more out there. 

It took us years and years to really reveal everything to each other, and I'm sure some are still private. I think it's best not to dig to deeply into *who* your spouse would like to have sex with/fantasizes about.

Generic made up people are fine though. Or each other, obviously. I want to say that I'd entertain anything my husband wanted to do, but that's easy for me to say as I know he's not into anything I find truly disgusting. I'm not going to get graphic, but anything that belongs in the toilet needs to stay right there.


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

kcait said:


> Once we made the mistake of sharing who we would choose to join us in bed if we were up for a fmf threesome.
> 
> The woman he mentioned was _*an old friend of his*_ and I could tell he always had a thing for her. *I didn't handle it well.* I wasn't upset, I just get touchy when she comes up. Uuugh.
> 
> Maybe he's gun shy now? I would love if he shared more.


I'm not surprised that you didn't handle well!!

Your h actually told you he was sexually attracted to this woman in some way? This woman must be aware that your h is attracted to her. "An old friend of his"? This sound very bizarre!!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

My ex and I had one friend (the one who initially helped set us up on our first date actually) who (jokingly?) admitted that if she were to ever be a 3rd for a couple it would be us, my ex (jokingly?) was open to the idea, and I (jokingly?) acknowledged that would be hot, if it ever happened. So there we were, all three of us (not in the same physical place) open to it, but we never made it happen, though I sense that there was an air of "just teasing" about it, it possibly could have happened and I held the key I think - if I would have pursued it, it may have happened (or else I'm just a gullible, clueless sex driven man that totally got it wrong). Either way it never seemed like a safe bet to make at all.


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

As far as his fantasies are concerned, I am aware of his fantasies. We have played some of them out ourselves.

He did however, take things much further and played these out with his AP over the course of three years. I know the intimate details of their sexual "experiments" as my h and his AP were often chatting over IMs and via email most evenings. Later on, I sort of "discovered" some of his DVDs accidentally and it appears that he was getting his ideas from some films. 

I believe his AP was his ideal playmate over so many years because she was willing to do what he wanted her to do as far as his fantasies are concerned. Later this AP told me why she wanted to play "that way". 

It is understandable when men are reluctant to discuss their fantasies with their Wives. Some fantasies may be best kept secret if these may cause unnecessary offense and upset.


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## dawnh (Mar 3, 2013)

yes my husbnad kows somw of them ,but he dont like talk about fanstasies i beg him to share his and he once told me he would like a double bj from me and another girl but when i said u know we only live once id like to make one of yor fantasies come true ,he said they better left fantasies


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

She knows mine. Nothing too far off the wall. FMF threesome with her and another woman is the top one, and about as "private" as it gets for me. She knows this, and if I'm masturbating with her there, she'll ask what I'm thinking about. I'm pretty truthful with her about this. Usually it's just her or something we did together, but sometimes it's my threesome fantasy, and I'll tell her. 

We've talked about it (fantasies). In reality we could (and have come close a few times) to a threesome, but in reality for me it would stop for me before I had intercourse with another woman, even though in my fantasies I don't. In reality, I won't take that chance....even though I know it's a fantasy of hers to watch me do so. She also knows there is a good possibility she'd deal with it much worse than she does in her fantasy. Our FMF threesome fantasies are very much in line with each other. But we know that there's a line we shouldn't cross if and when the time comes...and we've talked about it an agreed to "limits", both hers and mine.

Other than that, a lot of my fantasies, we already do. Semi-public sex and bj's, mutual masturbation, etc. 

Her biggest "most private" one I'm aware of? MFM threesome for her, running a close second to the more acceptable FMF threesome for her. She just finds being with another woman and man more appealing and realistic for her than being with two guys. But, when her far off naughty fantasies surface, the ones she'd never really attempt to do, it seems the MFM threesome thing is the one that comes up. Anal is another one I believe she'd likely never attempt in real life, but that she does fantasize about (in real life she's just afraid it will hurt, and it just really isn't my thing, so we haven't been "there" yet, and may never do so).

So, she knows mine. Do I know hers? I believe so.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Nope and I ain't telling, would shock him. Mine are too far out there for the hubster. Him, yes he likes to try out his fantacies all the time. Only one I can't accomodate, but we're working on it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I have told her some of them and highly desire her to share hers. She initially denied having any. I knew better. So I have worked on her little bit by little bit over the years trying to make her feel safe to share. She is getting there slowly but if she doesn't speed up some I'll be 90 and unable to do anything with them by the time she lets loose.

I find it is a bit of a mental dance. She calculating if this one will freak me out (nothing will) and me trying to ensure she maintains her sense of security.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

cavenger said:


> .... or have you never told them?


So my wife has never masturbated and says she has no fantasies! No I don't share anything with her because she would just call me a pervert.


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## fallen22 (Apr 28, 2015)

I don't have many fantasies, but my husband could write a novel about all the things he'd like to try. Some of them are just not cool, he's told them all to me, as far as I know. Most are pretty innocent, which I never realized until recently. I have an active post now about how to handle some of my husband's requests, so I thought I'd put my two cents in on this one. My feelings are that if you can keep your fantasies between you and your SO then have fun and don't hold back. If it involves bringing in other people, unless you're ok with that, I say forget it. Don't put your SO in a position that makes them feel uncomfortable just because they think it would be fun. I've given my husband those "are you crazy" looks before, and I'm sure it made him feel bad, even though that wasn't my intention. I'm trying to work out my own issues right now with this whole fantasy thing, so best of luck to you


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

My fantasies are a little too out there.

I would never want them to be reality. Not even close.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Nope. She claims not to have any. At this point, I keep my sexual thoughts to my self. Since we aren't having sex, no reason to discuss what I would like to try.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

Yes but he also kniws it's just a fantasy and something I would never do in real life. Makes for good pillow talk at certain times though.


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## Gob Bluth (Jul 12, 2010)

Yes, my wife does. Telling her was both good and bad as while she didn't dismiss them completely, she did say it would be a long shot for her to agree to.

Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel about it - it was good to get off my chest, but frustrating for them to be in limbo.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Something about a mule and what the cow witnessed. I don't know. :surprise:


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## Oldmatelot (Mar 28, 2011)

We have discussed ours together. Some are hard off limits. 3 somes ect. 
Others we have fully embraced. Bondage, light discipline, anal. 
It took us 15 years to fully come clean


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

My fantasies are pretty vanilla and standard (threesome, double BJ, etc.) but nothing I'd actually do, especially with my wife. Those are the types of things that are more exciting to think about, rather than have to come to grips with after it's over, if you know what I mean.

If I was younger, unmarried, and had a girlfriend who might be open to those types of things, I may have thought about pursuing them.

But now that I'm older and in a committed relationship with somebody I love, I more appreciate the loving aspect of sexuality, as opposed to the pure "sex" that these types of fantasies are based around. In other words, there would be nothing loving about receiving a BJ from my wife and another woman at the same time.

All that said, if my wife actually brought it up, I think I'd have a helluva hard time not being excited about it.

As for her fantasies, like many wives around here, she allegedly has none. I take her at her word and wouldn't say "yeah right" to her face, but... yeah right. She may be telling the truth about it, but she may have also knocked them off her list before I came along. Who knows? I don't really want to find out, to be honest. I know that she is very open to trying new things with me, and since I'm definitely not her first, I'm sure she's been just as open in the past with other partners, many of whom, I'm sure, had the same fantasies as me. Or very, very different... One thing I do know, and she mentioned to me very early on, is that she does not like to be spanked. When she told me this, my first reaction was "okay, so this is something you've tried!" and it's clearly something you really dislike enough to tell me about so early on in our relationship! And that was really the only thing she's ever told me specifically, without me prompting her, that's off limits. I've always thought it was weird, but I guess this was something a former partner of her was really into. Didn't need that visual!

Regardless, if she does have any (or any remaining!) she will probably never tell me for a variety of reasons.

I strongly believe that everybody, no matter your background, has sexual fantasies of some sort. They could be as vanilla as anal sex (which I'm not really sure how that qualifies as a fantasy? Geez, just do it!) right up to partner-swapping or the downright illegal or nasty.

Perhaps they're embarrassed, or feel dirty about it, but more likely, it's not something they want to do with their spouse. Some things, like my own fantasies, are better off doing outside of a committed marriage/relationship, where if it goes sideways, the ramifications aren't as harsh.

Part of me actually thinks that my wife wouldn't be completely closed off to something like a double BJ, for example. If I brought it up (which I wouldn't) she'd probably shoot it down, but I don't think she'd be furious, either, if that makes sense. My wife is a little different that way - if it's not something sexual she wants to do (ie. has no benefit for her) then she won't generally do it. Giving stand-alone BJ's is on that list. They're almost always part of our sex, but never happen if she can't get something in return. If she enjoyed giving BJ's for the pure pleasure of MY pleasure, I actually don't think she'd be totally against incorporating another woman in the mix.

Same as if she didn't mind (not necessarily enjoyed) being spanked and I loved doing it, then she'd let me do it. As long as she got something out of it during or after and it wasn't just me spanking her and getting myself off.


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## imtamnew (May 13, 2013)

The fact that I had to think for more than 10 minutes about this and then realize how sad my sex life is.... That must mean something.


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