# Woman Gets Pregnant After Having Intercourse With Dead Man In A Mortuary



## morituri

Just when you think it is safe to be dead. 


*Woman Gets Pregnant After Having Intercourse With Dead Man In A Mortuary*


> Well, police in Lexington Missouri have charged Felicity Marmaduke, a 38 year old mortuary worker with desecration of the dead and necrophilia after becoming pregnant by one of her clients. She is now being held on a $250,000 bond. According to a statement made to police by Marmaduke, the alleged victim experienced a post mortem erection while being bathed. (This is where you science majors come in and please explain how this is possible by commenting below.)
> 
> While she was alone with the dead man, Marmaduke straddled him and proceeded to have sex with him. Much to her surprise, the alleged victim came to orgasm after several minutes.
> 
> While receiving a routine medical exam a few weeks later, Marmaduke had a positive pregnancy test. Police were immediately notified after she confessed as to how her pregnancy came about.
> 
> She was arrested without incident in her trailer home a few blocks from the mortuary.
> 
> What makes this whole situation worse is that Marmaduke plans to sue the dead man’s estate for child support.


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## alex2

I call BS on this


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## Dollystanford

she just wants to sue his estate for maintenance ha ha


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## kmac

I think I am gonna have to call BS also, is that even possible to get to orgasm afterwards??


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## Gaia

All i can say is.... WHOOAAAAAA wtf?


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## CantSitStill

how in the world can u get a dead man to cum?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat

Another reason I think it's BS, he's not going to get an erection (no blood pressure).

Even if rigor mortis effectively gave him an erection, I doubt his penis to get into the correct position... though I really don't know about the last one (nor do I really want to know).


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## Mistys dad

Usually it's the guy complaining about a dead fish partner.


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## Mistys dad

Gives new definition to the term "Lucky stiff"


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## EleGirl

To each their own I guess.....

Alleged proposals to allow Egyptian husbands to legally have sex with their dead wives for up to six hours after their death have been branded a 'complete nonsense'.


Read more: Egypt's 'plans for farewell intercourse law so husbands can have sex with DEAD wives' branded a 'complete nonsense' | Mail Online


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## calvin

Oh hell,he's getting more than some husbamds here on TAMS!.....yeah its bs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mistys dad

It was a tough day at work.

She just wanted to have a cold one.


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## Mistys dad

CantSitStill said:


> how in the world can u get a dead man to cum?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Same as a live woman, but it only takes half as long.


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## Gaia

:lol::rofl:


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## Mistys dad

Her biggest complaint was as soon as he came, he rolled over and went to sleep.


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## morituri

calvin said:


> Oh hell,he's getting more than some husbands here on TAMS!.....yeah its bs
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:lol: :rofl:


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## that_girl

I say BS too.

In other news....Egypt wants to create a "Farewell Intercourse" law that will allow men to have sex with their dead wives, up to 6 hours.

Good times.

Outrage as Egypt plans

That's just one site...


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## CantSitStill

well umm whatever..she was desperately horny but i would think a vibrator has got to be alot more fun
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog

"Gaaaaarrp!"


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## calvin

I'm weird,I'm a necrophiliac,nymphomaniac,
narcoleptic..yes I want to have sex all the time but only with dead people and when I do I fall asleep.

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog

Angel Lust is real BTW.


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## Gaia

:lol::iagree::rofl:


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## Almostrecovered

They don't call em stiffs for nothing


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## chillymorn

she was arrested in the trailer park down the road where she lived!

typical trailer trash. they will bang anybody.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

i once had a lady room mate (same one) whos mother worked at a mortuary. she told us that she had a co-worker that would get on the table if she got to feeling horny too. never heard of her getting preggos though.


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## chillymorn

rigamotris?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Please say you're kidding.


nope



> chillymorn
> Re: Woman Gets Pregnant After Having Intercourse With Dead Man In A Mortuary
> rigamotris?


yup


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## that_girl

Sick [email protected] 

I mean, there's desperate and then there's desperate...


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## mrsmanhatten

I'm no expert but the autonomic nervous system is involved in the ejaculation process and though this is considered "unconscious " I highly doubt it relates to the dead!!! If this woman became preggers maybe there is some sperm still in the urethra??? I really don't know about this....but considering all the pathogens and the rate the human body decomposes this is truly discusting!!!!! Ew


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

maybe she had a helper and they stuck their finger in his azz and gave his prostate a poke :scratchhead:


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## arbitrator

I would think that by now, Jerry Springer has signed her up for his show next week!


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## Gaia

mrsmanhatten said:


> I'm no expert but the autonomic nervous system is involved in the ejaculation process and though this is considered "unconscious " I highly doubt it relates to the dead!!! If this woman became preggers maybe there is some sperm still in the urethra??? I really don't know about this....but considering all the pathogens and the rate the human body decomposes this is truly discusting!!!!! Ew


:iagree:


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## alone_not_lonely

I really fail to see how this is possible. All the automatic responses should be out of their system by that stage unless they were really fresh. And even then... I still don't see how orgasm through stimulation would be possible. By the time they are on the table... they may sigh, gurgle, burp or pass gas or leak... but develop an erection on the table and orgasm? I could be wrong (I'm certainly leaving room for the possibility); but I don't think so.

Methinks she was knocked up before that point and thought if she created a fanciful story to extort money out of a dead man, she'd get away with it.

Things like this make me so mad. Gives all us mortuary lurkers a bad name. As if people don't already think we're creepy enough! *cue Addams Family theme*


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## Gaia

She probably did.... and i think the people who knew this dead man should sue her for raping his dead body.


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## alone_not_lonely

The only thing I could imagine as possible is sperm in the urethra that another poster mentioned...but still, even that's stretching it.

And yep, agreeing with Gaia. The family should totally hand her @ss to her for doing something so blatantly disrespectful and vile.


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## Gaia

It's sad that cases like this.... (as in sex with the dead) is seemingly on a rise... Whatever happened to respect for the dead?


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## alone_not_lonely

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> omg. lmfao.
> 
> Way to put the coins on everyone's eyes, Mori.


Lol. I don't believe in suing for much. People sue people for really stupid sh!t, they really do. But I do think hitting this woman where it will hurt (her wallet) will do more injury to her than arrest or just public shaming. And what she has done is hideous. Not just in an 'eww, she screwed a dead guy' way (c'mon, Hef is about as close as you can get to that otherwise), but just the total lack of respect and professionalism on her behalf. That's (regardless of living status) someone's son.

By the way... not going all ranty at you, LadyFrog  Just the situation makes me livid.

Hit that trailer trash nasty where it hurts!


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## arbitrator

I reckon that they'll now have to start placing condom vending machines in funeral home restrooms!


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## alone_not_lonely

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> LOL.
> 
> No, what I meant was, this story is old, plus it's totally made up.
> 
> snopes.com: Dead Man in Mortuary Impregnates Woman


 Lol. Curse my phone! Takes too long for things to load that aren't on the forum app, so I just took his word for it.

Thanks, Mori!


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## EleGirl

I figured it was not true. But the thread has been a good laugh!!


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## morituri

Good night folks.


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## alone_not_lonely

EleGirl said:


> I figured it was not true. But the thread has been a good laugh!!


I figured the pregnancy part was a rort. There have been instances of mortuary staff doing really untoward and downright nasty stuff to bodies (and I mean, look what's going on over Egypt way at the moment), so that I can see happening. Got on my high horse for nothing


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## Sanity

This is impossible unless the the sperm was preserved. Otherwise the sperm was dead and so was the "victims" DNA.


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## LovesHerMan

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Sperm preserves. Good on toast.


Better than vegemite.


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## morituri

It looks like Carlos Slim, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet should make sure that they leave instructions in their wills that no female is left alone with their corpses. Their last boundary.


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## morituri

I sure wouldn't mind getting one last stiffy. It would be my way of flipping off death.


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## arbitrator

morituri said:


> It looks like Carlos Slim, Bill Gates and Warren Buffet should make sure that they leave instructions in their wills that no female is left alone with their corpses. Their last boundary.


I could definitely see a 24 hour security detail being posted at their respective funeral homes!


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## Vflyer

alex2 said:


> I call BS on this


*MAJOR BS*


An erection requires a heartbeat .... I won't even go into the orgasm part. Either this was some guy who hopped on a slab and she fell for it.. or this is total baloney.


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## arbitrator

Vflyer said:


> *MAJOR BS*
> 
> 
> An erection requires a heartbeat .... I won't even go into the orgasm part. Either this was some guy who hopped on a slab and she fell for it.. or this is total baloney.



I do believe that the onus would definitely be on her to try to convince the general public as to whether the baloney in question was actually the "stiff" or the "flaccid" variety!


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## Stonewall

OMG! Ladyfrogflyaway.......You are killing me. If you're not a comedian you sure missed your calling!


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## Runs like Dog

Vflyer said:


> *MAJOR BS*
> 
> 
> An erection requires a heartbeat .... I won't even go into the orgasm part. Either this was some guy who hopped on a slab and she fell for it.. or this is total baloney.


Not always. 'Angel Lust' actually happens. Of course you'd to have intercourse while he was being violently hanged.


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## calvin

So thats the secret to getting laid,be dead.
There's another joke there but I'm not touching it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Wonder if he died of necrosis of the liver?


Correct me if I'm wrong, but I do believe that the official post-mortem autopsy certificate officially indicated that the cause of death was *"hardening of the artery!"*


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## cory275

wow... if this is true.. its really really nasty.. 

if its not true, then whoever imagined this story is really really nasty


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

cory275 said:


> wow... if this is true.. its really really nasty..
> 
> if its not true, then whoever imagined this story is really really nasty


lolz


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I guess after death, Paradise _*isn't*_ Lost!


Only John Milton would know for sure! Well, either him or our lucky stiff!


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## morituri

Dead guys are easy.


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## morituri

It's bad enough being insecure about another guy's junk without worrying about a dead guy being better in the sack. sheeshhhh!!


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I hope he performed well otherwise she must have Audie-ably taken him To Hell and Back.


LadyFrog: I don't exactly know what it is that you're sipping on tonight, but whatever it is, please feel free to pour me up a rather nice Texas-sized glass of it!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

arbitrator said:


> LadyFrog: I don't exactly know what it is that you're sipping on tonight, but whatever it is, please feel free to pour me up a rather nice Texas-sized glass of it!


tonight?
:rofl:


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## Amplexor

morituri said:


> It's bad enough being insecure about another guy's junk without worrying about a dead guy being better in the sack. sheeshhhh!!


Clerks!


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## arbitrator

Oh, lighten up and give the poor old "lucky stiff" a break. After all, he was just too "laid back" and was really getting "into it!"


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## COguy

Didn't read everything but wanted to post this in case someone was actually thinking this was real.

snopes.com: Dead Man in Mortuary Impregnates Woman

Let the pun wars continue.


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Why does everyone always ask me what I'm on? :rofl:
> 
> Do you know how often I've wondered what it would be like to _not_ have an Abby Normal brain??


Darling! You've either got to be sipping on some fine high quality JD Black, or Chivas; or you are just an incogneto comedy writer.

You have truly brought tears to my eyes over the past few days and they ain't exactly tears of grief! I haven't really laughed my butt literally off like this in eons! :rofl:

Thanks, Sweetheart!


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## Amplexor




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## arbitrator

Amplexor said:


>


Now would that be the "accused chick" in question that is apparently passed out on top of that pile of "lucky stiffs?"


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Well, don't die laughing on me. You'll be a cold piece of meat and they'll take you to the deadhouse and put you on a slab next to Mort. Then they'll come and arrest me and I'll have to get a writ of habeus corpses.
> 
> I'm going to show your post to my husband when he gets home tonight. He'll roll his eyes and say, "Yeah, but he doesn't have to live with you!" :rofl:
> 
> I wish I could admit to drinking but I joke about it way morgue than I do it. This is the oven with the temp set at LadyFrog normal. I only appear half-baked.
> 
> But seriously, I'm glad.  I've learned the times we least feel like laughing is often when we need it the most.



I rarely touch the stuff myself, except for very special occasions. But I try to keep the sense of humor and of being perceived as somewhat warped, per the Gary Larsen definition, held firmly in check! 

Just keep the humor coming and we'll all be OK. After all, the humor expounded on here by folks like you is, in all probability, even more therapeutic than the heartfelt advise that we all give to each other.

Be sure and tell Mr. Frog that he's definitely got a keeper there in his midst. God bless both of you! You two are special!


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## RandomDude

Wow!!! This is f--king hilarious lol


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## morituri

Dead guy 'puts to rest' all excuses LD spouses have for not putting out. :woohoo:


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## arbitrator

*Party-Pooper!*


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## morituri

If she gets pregnant, would that make him a 'deadbeat dad'?


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## Amplexor

Died in the saddle...................Twice


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## chillymorn

morituri said:


> If she gets pregnant, would that make him a 'deadbeat dad'?


no just dead.


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## chillymorn

she then filed date rape charges aginst him


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## Browncoat

I think he was a dead ringer for some stiff she knew before. (ugh this one is so bad even I groan).


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## morituri

His kid can call him "deady"


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## Amplexor

The mood music at the time was The Grateful Dead


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## Browncoat

I think what attracted her attention was his dead pan humor, he really knew how to knock em dead.


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## Amplexor

Heard he rolled over and took a dirt nap after he finished.


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## Deejo

Her needs: Quality time and physical touch

His needs: Formaldehyde


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## Browncoat

I wonder if the child will be a chip off the old corpse?


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## Amplexor

OK, aren't we beating a dead corpse at this point!


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## Browncoat

Amplexor said:


> OK, aren't we beating a dead corpse at this point!


Well apparently like the dead man's lineage, this thread won't die.


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## Deejo

I dunno ... I think we could keep it up until the subject gets boring and goes limp ...


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## Amplexor

Deejo said:


> I dunno ... I think we could keep it up until the subject gets boring and goes limp ...


Could take some time then.


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## Browncoat

Amplexor said:


> Could take some time then.


That's a hard joke to follow.


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## Amplexor

But easy to beat!


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## 7737

There used to be a newspaper in the UK called the 'Sunday Sport'...they used have headlines just like this....or 'London bus found on Moon!'.....or 'German U-Boat in River Thames!'.... The sad thing was that people used to believe it!!

As runs said, men can get post mortem erection, but only shortly after hanging.

Rigour mortis only makes muscles go 'hard' and usually happens about 2 hours after death and lasts about 6 hours.

Dont know about you guys.... My willy isn't a muscle, more like a fatty gland!!!!


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## morituri

7737 said:


> Dont know about you guys.... My willy isn't a muscle, more like a fatty gland!!!!


It is a hydraulic organ therefore it is impossible for a dead man's body, without a functioning heart, to supply the needed blood for an erection. Also, without a functioning brain, it is impossible for an orgasm to occur *Your Brain On Sex*.



> Orgasm happens when specific pleasure pathways are turned on, while your defense pathways are turned off.
> 
> All this happens by means of chemical messengers and the nerve cell receptors they bind to. These neurochemical changes take place primarily in the limbic system, a very old part of the brain with circuitry that is common to all mammals.


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## Amplexor

T. S. Garp?

Oh wait, he was in a comma, not dead when she "corpsed" him. 

Never mind.


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## arbitrator

Amplexor said:


> T. S. Garp?
> 
> Oh wait, he was in a comma, not dead when she "corpsed" him.
> 
> Never mind.


Beats the heck out of being in an "apostrophe!"


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## humanbecoming

Well, if she was drop dead gorgeous, then he was one lucky stiff!


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Sex with a corpse is a grave undertaking. Maybe she was studying for her underground finals? Or maybe making a secret porno, "Dawn Does The Dead?"


LadyF: You better sure not let us find out that while you were out on your recent respite, that you actually made it down to that particular "embalmatorium" to do some "undercover reporting?!"


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> No, the week I was offed, it was pretty Dead Calm.


Funny, but I believe that's the same thing Mort said!


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## lickitesplit

:smthumbup:


Mistys dad said:


> Gives new definition to the term "Lucky stiff"


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## morituri

The ultimate practicioner of the 180 degrees. No wonder he's a bad boy with the chicks.


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## arbitrator

morituri said:


> The ultimate practicioner of the 180 degrees. No wonder he's a bad boy with the chicks.


Yeah, but I'm kind of thinking that he'd pretty-well have to take those girls word for it!


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## morituri

arbitrator said:


> Yeah, but I'm kind of thinking that he'd pretty-well have to take those girls word for it!


He doesn't care. He's the quiet type.


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## warlock07

Did not read the 10 pages but it is fake guys

snopes.com: Dead Man in Mortuary Impregnates Woman


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## Gaia

Man Marries Dead Girlfriend | Uganda Picks


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> What is this...snopes posting number eleven? I know I posted it three times...
> 
> And the dead guy is _*still*_ having sex! :rofl:


And LadyF: As everybody should know by now, no matter what you might do, "you just can't keep a good Mort down!"


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## morituri

warlock07 said:


> Did not read the 10 pages but it is fake guys
> 
> snopes.com: Dead Man in Mortuary Impregnates Woman


Of course we know its fake. We're just having some good ol' gallows humor here.

"How to seduce women even if your dead" by Rigor Mortis


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## Aristotle

This happen in 2010 you guys, the baby was born a long time ago.


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## arbitrator

Aristotle said:


> This happen in 2010 you guys, the baby was born a long time ago.


So where did you run across this pic of my Physics teacher?


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## arbitrator

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> *SIGH*...This thread reminds me of the scene from Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers, where Loomis has dropped a heavy chain net down on Michael, and he's beating the *h*ll*  out of him with a two-by-four, screaming over and over in a raspy voice, "DIE!!" (WHACKWHACKWHACK) "DIE!!" (WHACKWHACKWHACK) "DIE!!!" (WHACKWHACKWHACK)
> 
> :rofl:


Unlike poor Michael, I just wouldn't suspect that Mort would have liked to get off to the "rough stuff!"


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