# Why aren't handjobs free?



## ufl447 (Mar 24, 2012)

I need more sex than my wife and she doesn't like me to play with myself. So, I realize how totally selfish this topic is, but why can't she just give me handjobs all the time. I'm so turned on by my wife all the time that she probably wouldn't even have to move her hand much and I could do most of the work. These things only take a couple of minutes for me if I set my mind to it. I know I'm gonna catch a lot of crap for this post, but I just want to know what other people think.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Unless it effects your sex life, I don't understand what's wrong with a little self stimulation. Honestly, I think it's selfish on HER part not to "allow" you to do this.

Both men and women masturbate. It's a natural thing to do. 

I don't really have good advice. I have a high drive right now and I can't imagine not being able to be satisfied even if it means self stimulation. If your wife is satisfied, why can't you be? If she doesn't want to help, then doing it yourself seems the logical answer. It's much better then getting it elsewhere(which is very wrong).


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

She sounds cruel. What kind of nutcase does not want to allow you to have sexual relief? Does she not want you to urinate also?

I would tell her that a) you are a male, and males have testosterone, and testosterone causes a sex drive. b) if you and she do not have sex at a certain frequency, you will masturbate. I would say I'd be delighted to have you do that for me.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

She's the selfish one.

Who cares what she thinks? If she doesn't like it she has two choices either get in the game or shut up.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

You need to have a frank discussion with your wife about how important this is to you.

Does she enjoy your sexual relationship? Do you know how to please her? Do you meet her needs inside and outside of the bedroom?

If she is inhibited, try a massage or warm bath before sex. Make sure she is receptive to being aroused.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Have you ever asked her if she is willing to do this for you?

Is she generally a sexually repressed/inhibited individual?

She sounds like she doesn't really know, or care, about the physiological aspects of a man's sexuality.

If it's because she doesn't know, then you can help to educate her about it. 

If it's because she doesn't care, then there's more issues at play and we'd have to know more about her and your relationship.

Best wishes.


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## ufl447 (Mar 24, 2012)

She says she thinks masturbation is gross and she has never done it and doesn't understand why I would. If she would just help me out a little bit more, I wouldn't have any desire to take care of myself.

I've tried hinting to her that HJ's would make my life easier. Its not like we don't ever have sex or anything. We have sex 2 or 3 times a week, which is great, but my needs are more than that(like 5 or 6 times a week at least). 

I please her quite a bit. I know her favorite position, I love going down on her and I'm always striving to be the best lover possible. She used to want sex a lot too, but since she was pregnant with our child and afterwards her sex drive has decreased considerably. I thought things would pick up eventually, but its been a couple years now and now I feel like she should at least be trying to keep up with my needs. 

I work hard so she doesn't have to, we split chores 50/50, I love taking care of our daughter, I compliment her all the time because she is beautiful. All I'm asking for is a little relief. I just feel like anytime I try to bring it up though, she gets defensive. I feel like anytime I bring anything up about our sex life at all she gets defensive. I just would like to be able to talk about things like this without her feeling like I am trying to make her feel guilty.


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## ufl447 (Mar 24, 2012)

I could definitely be wrong. I just don't know. My wife is great and we have a really great relationship except for this. Believe me, before my wife I was certainly not having this much sex. But I am horny a lot and try to be good and wait for her, but it makes it so my mind gets consumed with thoughts of sex, and sometimes I need to use my mind for other things.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Who cares if she doesn't want you to do it? It's your body. I don't get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm with Lady if you are getting sex 2-3 times a week you should count your blessings. 

Just take care of yourself in between times and don't talk about it. In this case what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

Your wife is getting defensive because in her mind she's already doing a lot for you sexually. Not everyone wants to have sex 5-6 times a week. Sucks I know but it's true.


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## ufl447 (Mar 24, 2012)

I guess my thoughts on how often I would like to have sex and an ideal amount is less about the number and more about flexibility. In my dreams 7 days a week, 365 days a year is the amount of sex I'd like to have, but realistically I am just interested in more like 5 or 6 times a week. 

The real problem I guess is that once we have sex, there is a voice in my head that says, well...that's it for another couple of days. Sometimes it would be great if we had sex twice in one night. Or maybe just a quickie sometimes in the afternoon when it is not expected. It feels so scheduled these days and I miss the spontaneity.

I realize this is due in part to having a child, but we still have a lot of time to ourselves and I'm not saying every moment we possibly can we should have sex, but sometimes something out of the norm would be great.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Okay look what's going on is you are focusing on what you aren't getting and THAT is making you dissatisified. You are unable to focus on the present and enjoy the sex you do get. Instead you are ruminating on negative thoughts like "well that's it for another couple of days". If you aren't careful your wife is going to pick up on that vibe and will grow to resent you. It will feel to her as if nothing she does is good enough for you and that could make her quit all together.

Being the HD spouse sucks no doubt about it. I've been there as I'm married to a LD man. You have my sympathy. I still have to tell you that if you are getting it 2-3 times a week count your blessings. 

It could be worse. A lot worse.


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## ufl447 (Mar 24, 2012)

I do count my blessings. I have asked her about more sex and she is not really willing, that's why I thought maybe HJ's would be a better alternative to just get me off her back a little bit without her having to do much. It was just a thought.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Okay then I have a sincere suggestion for you that will help ease YOUR resentment. Back off 'some' on meeting HER needs. And by her needs I mean those 50% of the chores you do. If she isn't willing to give you a few minute HJ then maybe you shouldn't be so willing to do things for her.

See here's what happens to HD people. They give and give and give and give some more then grow resentful when they don't get back. So don't give so much. Not in a revengeful way in a wrapped in love/it's only fair kind of way.

I've done this with my LD husband. Didn't change the frequency of sex but it did make ME feel better.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

My LD hub doesn't like the idea of me masturbating either. I'm to the point where I feel like its my body and I never agreed to let him own me. So I do it and don't talk about it. 
I'm with you, I miss the spontaneity. I hate that feeling of "ok must wait three days". Thankfully last time we had sex twice in one night, I was so surprised!
Good luck to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I don't think it's wrong to want to share sexual intimacy in some form with your spouse everyday, ufl. There's nothing wrong with that desire at all.

The hard part is being able to pull a lower drive person into being able to see the beauty of sharing that kind of intimacy because they simply don't get the same thing from sex that you do. However, they could get a lot of emotional satisfaction from it in that they were able to do something giving for their spouse. 

Are you holding true to her 'no masturbation' ultimatum? I think I would gently just start letting her know that a man feels very differently physically than a woman does regarding sex. The 'plumbing' is different and a man feels it when his pipes are full - and you'd rather experience things with her if given the choice than just with your own hand.

What's your relationship like in general outside the bedroom? You mentioned that you do quite a bit around the house and compliment her a lot. Sometimes doing too much can actually not be a good thing - especially if it's not done with a spirit of being a true helpmate and is done as more of a covert contract, in that you feel like you should get reciprocation from her because you help out. Do you ever feel like that?

Best wishes.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

ufl447 said:


> I need more sex than my wife and she doesn't like me to play with myself. So, I realize how totally selfish this topic is, but why can't she just give me handjobs all the time. I'm so turned on by my wife all the time that she probably wouldn't even have to move her hand much and I could do most of the work. These things only take a couple of minutes for me if I set my mind to it. I know I'm gonna catch a lot of crap for this post, but I just want to know what other people think.


Why would you catch crap?

There's no shame in what you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## isla~mama (Feb 1, 2012)

Sorry but a spouse doesn't have the right to tell you whether or not you can masturbate, particularly if her sexual needs are less than yours. That being said, why not directly ask her for HJs once in a while? I guess the danger would be if she would start expecting to do that instead of intercourse.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Because...

There ain't no such thing as a free lunch - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Or a free HJ. Sorry, I couldn't resist. Although my tongue is firmly in my cheek, it's worth keeping this in your mind when you think anything should be "free".

And that goes for both sexes!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> Because...
> 
> There ain't no such thing as a free lunch - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> ...


no such thing as unconditional love!


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

Forget about it being free for wives how about for all women you are friends with. Hell, they don't even have to look away from their iPads to do it and for most guys it's over in a minute or two. Kind of a "thanks for taking me out to lunch" kind of thing....


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

You cannot force her to physically do anything for you. Why does she care if you masturbate?? She thinks it's "gross"? I find that strange. I find a lot of things my husband does "gross" - he picks his toenails on my couch, that is gross - but I can't forbid him to do it because it's his body...I just ask that he not do it in front of me or around me. Why can't the same be applied to masturbation?

And BTW, I am all for honesty in a relationship, but I can't believe you really abide by her rules and DONT do it. How would she know? Seems a silly thing to argue over.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Look, next time you try to get some and she turns you down, just get up and go to another room and rub one off. If she gets mad, just say, "Look, I need some and you don't want to give me any so....I'm not going to rape you. So, it only leaves two options. Either I do my thing or I visit a brothel. Choice is yours!" Chances are she'll close the door and let you.....you know.....sally forth.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Because they're unionized?


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## Jeff74 (Feb 11, 2012)

Just do it for yourself and don't talk about it. Then everyone is satisfied.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Runs like Dog said:


> Because they're unionized?


Unionized? Like Strippers Union Local 104?


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I'm with Lady if you are getting sex 2-3 times a week you should count your blessings.
> 
> *Just take care of yourself in between times and don't talk about it. In this case what she doesn't know won't hurt her.*
> 
> Your wife is getting defensive because in her mind she's already doing a lot for you sexually. Not everyone wants to have sex 5-6 times a week. Sucks I know but it's true.


While I usually agree with Mavash, I am not sure I like where the suggestion in bold is going. I am not comfortable with it for two reasons:

1. The wife does not like it, so hiding it seems dishonest. Not a road I feel comfortable traveling down.

B. It sounds too much like him being shamed about his sex drive. He is HD, she isn't, yet she wants him to abstain unless it is with her because masterbation is gross. If she is not willing to do more, she is in no position to complain that he handles it solo. She is doing well for her husband, but that does not give her the right to control what he is doing (provided it does not interfer with their time together).


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Tall Average Guy said:


> While I usually agree with Mavash, I am not sure I like where the suggestion in bold is going. I am not comfortable with it for two reasons:
> 
> 1. The wife does not like it, so hiding it seems dishonest. Not a road I feel comfortable traveling down.
> 
> B. It sounds too much like him being shamed about his sex drive. He is HD, she isn't, yet she wants him to abstain unless it is with her because masterbation is gross. If she is not willing to do more, she is in no position to complain that he handles it solo. She is doing well for her husband, but that does not give her the right to control what he is doing (provided it does not interfer with their time together).


I'm surprised so many people are basically telling him not to complain, because he's already getting enough.

"Enough" is a different amount for every one of us.

And by all means - choke your chicken. Lock the bathroom door if you have to. If she asks what you're doing - just tell her she can either lend a hand or leave you alone. Don't hide it - but you don't have to advertise it either.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Its your body. Rub one out. You got to get that poison out. As men we don't function all that great with it dominating all our thoughts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mina (Jun 14, 2012)

HJs are free in my household: any time, any where. he can ask for one at any time or I'll offer when I feel like doing it. I take pride in my technique and am always working to improve my skills. I check in with him on what works and what doesn't. the bonus is (for me) is when I don't have time for "the whole thing" (getting naked, getting aroused, having one or several Os) he finishes quick with plenty of satisfaction. 

it takes less time to give a good HJ than it does to complain about how tired you are or not horny or busy or whatever. 

HJs should always be free.

p.s. DH still handles himself regularly, too and we don't keep that a secret. If I "catch" him, then he gets a "naughty boy" and maybe some help. Women who have a problem with giving HJs or men masturbating generally need to be more understanding and respectful of their man's needs, IMO


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Runs like Dog said:


> Because they're unionized?


Uniin breaks must suck! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

ufl447 said:


> I need more sex than my wife and she doesn't like me to play with myself. So, I realize how totally selfish this topic is, but why can't she just give me handjobs all the time. I'm so turned on by my wife all the time that she probably wouldn't even have to move her hand much and I could do most of the work. These things only take a couple of minutes for me if I set my mind to it. I know I'm gonna catch a lot of crap for this post, but I just want to know what other people think.


I have a ridiculous high drive, have had so since I could remember, I cope by working out 5 days a week, been doing so for a decade. So I do not overwhelm, I have waste myself at the gym for a couple of hours to even it out.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Sawney Beane said:


> Because...
> 
> There ain't no such thing as a free lunch - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
> 
> ...


Thats right, give each other massages every other day.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

ufl447 said:


> I need more sex than my wife and she doesn't like me to play with myself. So, I realize how totally selfish this topic is, but why can't she just give me handjobs all the time. I'm so turned on by my wife all the time that she probably wouldn't even have to move her hand much and I could do most of the work. These things only take a couple of minutes for me if I set my mind to it. I know I'm gonna catch a lot of crap for this post, but I just want to know what other people think.


I'm still stuck at "she doesn't like me to play with myself".

So what? If she's not providing you an alternative, keep right on jacking off and let her stew in her "dislike".


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I'm still stuck at "she doesn't like me to play with myself".
> 
> So what? If she's not providing you an alternative, keep right on jacking off and let her stew in her "dislike".



Sorry this is happening to you. I hope there is nothing extra marital on your wifes behalf (referencing another thread whom a spouse's wife stopped having sex with him 2 years ago, ended up being she started having an affair 2 years ago) which I probably doubt in your situation.

Masturbating will only create distance. Why should you answer a selfish act (denying you emotional/phsycal connection) with another selfish act, masturbation. Anyone can say what they want but masturbation is selfish, pleasing "ONE SELF?" Thats really difficult for most people with high drive, as I too have a seriously high drive but sometimes you just have to deal with it constructively and not with your ego. Our own ego causes most of the problems in marriage to begin with. You start masturbating, then you stop wanting your wife as much, then your wife sees this change and start a thread saying "my husband doesn't want me, he doesn't initiate like he used to" blah blah and it will start a spiraling downfall of the relationships current status.

Bribe the wifey in many ways and tell her what you plan to do to her on the weekend early in the week because she hasn't been keeping the beast at bay its going to have to overwhelm her on sat/sunday etc.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Masturbating will only create distance. Why should you answer a selfish act (denying you emotional/phsycal connection) with another selfish act, masturbation. Anyone can say what they want but masturbation is selfish, pleasing "ONE SELF?" Thats really difficult for most people with high drive, as I too have a seriously high drive but sometimes you just have to deal with it constructively and not with your ego. Our own ego causes most of the problems in marriage to begin with. You start masturbating, then you stop wanting your wife as much, then your wife sees this change and start a thread saying "my husband doesn't want me, he doesn't initiate like he used to" blah blah and it will start a spiraling downfall of the relationships current status.


Or he could be like the millions of guys who are able to enjoy both a healthy masturbatory life AND sex life with their spouse.

It's not one size fits all. I tend to have MORE sex with my wife when I'm masturbating, not less.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Or he could be like the millions of guys who are able to enjoy both a healthy masturbatory life AND sex life with their spouse.
> 
> It's not one size fits all. I tend to have MORE sex with my wife when I'm masturbating, not less.



Your action of masturbation must show that you 1 have no control over your desire for pleasure, and 2 that your wife isn't pleasing enough that you have to use handgelica to get you off when you're not having sex? Honestly, look at it away from the NORM that we think of masturbation nowadays. We have grown accustomed to believe it is natural, normal, healthy. Its an unnecessary extra curricular sexual activity that does not involve your wife.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Your action of masturbation must show that you 1 have no control over your desire for pleasure, and 2 that your wife isn't pleasing enough that you have to use handgelica to get you off when you're not having sex? Honestly, look at it away from the NORM that we think of masturbation nowadays. We have grown accustomed to believe it is natural, normal, healthy. Its an unnecessary extra curricular sexual activity that does not involve your wife.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

You are coming at the WRONG person with this nonsense, and you have zero idea. I am a rare HD person with extraordinary self control. My wife and I were celibate for spiritual purposes for *YEARS* before marriage, and I went long stretches of time without masturbating even in the absence of sex.

I am firmly in control of my sexual faculties. I can go from having sex five days a week, to no days a week. I can masturbate six times a day, or go weeks without doing it. I am extraordinarily adaptable. I don't believe in letting my body rule my behavior, no matter what it cries out for. Discipline and control are very important to me. Lots of sexual activity, little sexual activity, I can adapt to it all because I'm not a slave to my sex drive, and I never have been. My sexuality is something I rule, not some out of control train that I can't get a grasp of.

So yes, you might want to learn a bit more about a person before you go spouting your blanket drivel that you erroneously believe applies to ALL men.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

jaquen said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> You are coming at the WRONG person with this nonsense, and you have zero idea. I am a rare HD person with extraordinary self control. My wife and I were celibate for spiritual purposes for *YEARS* before marriage, and I went long stretches of time without masturbating even in the absence of sex.
> 
> ...


Frivolous to believe that I have "zero idea". Carry on.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Frivolous to believe that I have "zero idea". Carry on.


Frivolous to believe you can speak for the entire male population as well.... As you said... Carry on.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Frivolous to believe that I have "zero idea". Carry on.


Considering that you were just talking about rape as a valid form of release in another thread, forgive me if I'm not losing sleep over your ideas about what I chose to do with my own penis.


:rofl:


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Your action of masturbation must show that you 1 have no control over your desire for pleasure, and 2 that your wife isn't pleasing enough that you have to use handgelica to get you off when you're not having sex? Honestly, look at it away from the NORM that we think of masturbation nowadays. We have grown accustomed to believe it is natural, normal, healthy. Its an unnecessary extra curricular sexual activity that does not involve your wife.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I'm beginning to think that CJS has spent a little too much time in the gym.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Do not undermine the physiological and psychological affect of masturbation & pornography on a marriage/person. It seems people do not consider this possibility because most doctors approve of it, or call it natural or healthy and that has made it become the norm. It is the age of unlimited access to knowledge, I don't need to take out my doctorate to prove anything. Look up the research, decide for yourself.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

If it weren't for masturbation, I'd go out of my mind. I want to have sex with my wife and if she is so LD, then I have to either take care of myself or make a decision I don't want to. I'm happy and in love so I'm going into survival mode by wacking it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Do not undermine the physiological and psychological affect of masturbation & pornography on a marriage/person. It seems people do not consider this possibility because most doctors approve of it, or call it natural or healthy and that has made it become the norm. It is the age of unlimited access to knowledge, I don't need to take out my doctorate to prove anything. Look up the research, decide for yourself.


And what of the physiological and psychological effects of rape?


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

jaquen said:


> And what of the physiological and psychological effects of rape?


LOL, you're still on me for that huh,  The W knows that I'm extreme HD, more than 1080p and you are too, its tough having a mismatch.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

To expand on the question a bit I have never understood why hand jobs are not more freely available from female friends and acquaintances. It is simple, quick, sexually safe and not a lot of work- women can read a magazine, watch TV, listen to music or talk on the phone while they do it. It would seem like a nice favor to do for a male buddy down on his luck sexually. Instead you have to jump through hoops and be in a relationship to get one, pay someone to do it or, most often, do it yourself.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Mavash. said:


> I'm with Lady if you are getting sex 2-3 times a week you should count your blessings.
> 
> Just take care of yourself in between times and don't talk about it. In this case what she doesn't know won't hurt her.
> 
> Your wife is getting defensive because in her mind she's already doing a lot for you sexually. Not everyone wants to have sex 5-6 times a week. Sucks I know but it's true.


yeah, it could be that she's angry because you are unsatisfied with the level of activity. Or, she could have maybe some philosophical or religious objection?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> Masturbating will only create distance. Why should you answer a selfish act (denying you emotional/phsycal connection) with another selfish act, masturbation. Anyone can say what they want but masturbation is selfish, pleasing "ONE SELF?" Thats really difficult for most people with high drive, as I too have a seriously high drive but sometimes you just have to deal with it constructively and not with your ego. Our own ego causes most of the problems in marriage to begin with. You start masturbating, then you stop wanting your wife as much, then your wife sees this change and start a thread saying "my husband doesn't want me, he doesn't initiate like he used to" blah blah and it will start a spiraling downfall of the relationships current status.


I see your point. But, there is a serious mismatch of drives here. Unless she has a sadistic streak, she does not enjoy coming on to her so that she can she can turn him down. In fact, she might be relieved that some of the pressure is off her.

This really sounds like she has some hang-up around masturbation. As an example, Catholics believe that HJs are sinful because it is a sex act that cannot result in pregnancy.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

* women can read a magazine, watch TV, listen to music or talk on the phone while they do it. *

Hmmmm.... I thought you guys (yes, in general) want us women to LIKE it, to "be hot for it", coax, milk it.... whatever. If your woman (or whatever woman) is just yanking you with no interaction, then what's the point? It's one more chore for her, and without the interaction then wouldn't you be better off yanking yourself? 

I'm pretty sure I've read about many men here who are not satisfied if their wife isn't "into it". 

Just checking.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

jaquen said:


> :rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> You are coming at the WRONG person with this nonsense, and you have zero idea. I am a rare HD person with extraordinary self control. My wife and I were celibate for spiritual purposes for *YEARS* before marriage, and I went long stretches of time without masturbating even in the absence of sex.
> 
> ...


Well, let me be the first to congratulate you on truly being "the master of your domain", as Seinfeld would put it.

Now that we got that out of the way, who says that you are better than anyone else just because you can will it away and someone else cannot? For that matter, who says you should will it away just because you can?

To me, it sounds like you are not HD, but more of a moderate drive who can rise to the occassion if more is asked of him.

Whereas you are able to wait for the wet dream to meet the physical need, some guys are not. That simple.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

I hate handjobs. If the wife is playing with me and asks, "Is this doing anything for you." I honestly answer, "No, not really. I do that to myself all the time. Do something that I can't do!"


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Sunny the way you say "coax" and "milk" is HOT!

Lol


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

DUDE. It's YOUR penis. She can say she doesn't like you playing with it just as much as you can say you don't like that she isn't having enough sex with you. She can't have it both ways. geez.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Mr B said:


> To expand on the question a bit I have never understood why hand jobs are not more freely available from female friends and acquaintances. It is simple, quick, sexually safe and not a lot of work- women can read a magazine, watch TV, listen to music or talk on the phone while they do it. It would seem like a nice favor to do for a male buddy down on his luck sexually. Instead you have to jump through hoops and be in a relationship to get one, pay someone to do it or, most often, do it yourself.


I'm sorry, but :rofl: What??

A handjob is intimate. I didn't want to touch my male friends' penises. Good grief.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Mr B said:


> To expand on the question a bit I have never understood why hand jobs are not more freely available from female friends and acquaintances. It is simple, quick, sexually safe and not a lot of work- women can read a magazine, watch TV, listen to music or talk on the phone while they do it. It would seem like a nice favor to do for a male buddy down on his luck sexually. Instead you have to jump through hoops and be in a relationship to get one, pay someone to do it or, most often, do it yourself.


Umm maybe because it's an intimate sexual thing to do with someone.

I'm high drive, should I be able to get a acquaintances to rub on me, because it would feel nice and give me an orgasm? 

Sexual activities should be reserved for someone you have a special bond with. IMO.

As for why doesn't your wife do it for you? How is your relationship, is she sexually attracted to you? If not why not?
I wouldn't feel satisfied with just a hand job, I want passion. hy would you want to settle for that?


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## HereWithoutYou (Jul 26, 2012)

Blow jobs are easier IMO. I'd rather go down than give a hand job any day.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

HereWithoutYou said:


> Blow jobs are easier IMO. I'd rather go down than give a hand job any day.



Yes. My hand starts cramping up, it gets all sweaty and itchy....

And they take forever. Now a bj, I might get a little fun out of it too.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

ufl447 said:


> *I work hard so she doesn't have to, we split chores 50/50, I love taking care of our daughter, I compliment her all the time because she is beautiful.* All I'm asking for is a little relief. I just feel like anytime I try to bring it up though, she gets defensive. I feel like anytime I bring anything up about our sex life at all she gets defensive. I just would like to be able to talk about things like this without her feeling like I am trying to make her feel guilty.


You are creating bigger problems than lack of handjobs if you continue down this road (the one highlighted in bold). You have created a little monster and she is only going to get bigger if you keep feeding her in this manner. Please do not tell me she is a 50/50 wife. 50/50 wife = terminal princess.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Hicks said:


> *She sounds cruel. What kind of nutcase does not want to allow you to have sexual relief? Does she not want you to urinate also?*
> 
> I would tell her that a) you are a male, and males have testosterone, and testosterone causes a sex drive. b) if you and she do not have sex at a certain frequency, you will masturbate. I would say I'd be delighted to have you do that for me.




:iagree:

She is probably discussing you with her friends, making sarcastic remarks about * men *.
Is she taller or bigger than you?

If you don't regain your manhood now you are in serious trouble.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Mr B said:


> To expand on the question a bit I have never understood why hand jobs are not more freely available from female friends and acquaintances. It is simple, quick, sexually safe and not a lot of work- women can read a magazine, watch TV, listen to music or talk on the phone while they do it. It would seem like a nice favor to do for a male buddy down on his luck sexually. Instead you have to jump through hoops and be in a relationship to get one, pay someone to do it or, most often, do it yourself.


Hell yeah. I've never been able to figure out why my secretary won't give me one. She could answer the phone at the same time. And when I asked my neighbor for one, she gave me a funny look and said she had to make a phone call. Personally, I think the police overreacted.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

crossbar said:


> I hate handjobs. If the wife is playing with me and asks, "Is this doing anything for you." I honestly answer, "No, not really. I do that to myself all the time. Do something that I can't do!"


 I always loved hand jobs when i was married. I guess it wasn't all about the physical feeling, it was the intimacy and bonding of it all. Her hands on me were certainly different than my own.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

jaharthur said:


> Hell yeah. I've never been able to figure out why my secretary won't give me one. She could answer the phone at the same time. And when I asked my neighbor for one, she gave me a funny look and said she had to make a phone call. Personally, I think the police overreacted.


:rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## Alex115 (Jul 27, 2012)

In a perfect world they would be free but as long as women are the sexual gatekeepers they will want something in return and that does usually mean a relationship But there are parts of the world, Asia and Latin America with rub and tug places on almost every corner and release costs a couple of bucks at most...almost free but not quite. Lots of guys married or not will stop by on their lunch hour for a quickie handjob sometimes going to the same girl for years on end.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

DTO said:


> Now that we got that out of the way, who says that you are better than anyone else just because you can will it away and someone else cannot?


What in the world? Please point me to the post where I suggested that I was "better than", and perhaps I can offer a response. In the meantime did you look at my post in isolation, or did you bother to read the post I was referring to, the one with the unusual ideas about masturbation and self control? My post does not exist in a vacuum.




DTO said:


> For that matter, who says you should will it away just because you can?



If you've never practiced long term celibacy, for whatever reason, perhaps you can't appreciate the ability to be able to control one's raging sexual impulses. I have, and I do. Thankfully I'm no longer in that situation, and haven't been for years, so it's a moot point. I have far less reason these days to "will it away".



DTO said:


> To me, it sounds like you are not HD, but more of a moderate drive who can rise to the occassion if more is asked of him.


Umm, have we been having sex and somebody forgot to inform me? Because I believe I'd know a touch more about my sex drive than you otherwise.

I am high drive. I maintain control over my sexual drive because if I listened constantly to my body, and followed the direction of every erection, of which I have many every single day of my life, I'd be spending my days between jerking off and sex, multiple times a day, every single day. I have a higher drive, and am more virile, than I was during puberty. I could easily masturbate four of five times a day, and have had sex up to 9 times in a day, with orgasm and ejaculations from each session. My penis is constantly in an erect or semi-erect stage all day long, there is a constant desire there for sexual activity throughout most days.

But yes, perhaps I am of "moderate drive". :rofl:



DTO said:


> Whereas you are able to wait for the wet dream to meet the physical need, some guys are not. That simple.


I had maybe two wet dreams over the last decade plus, so I'm not even sure what you're talking about.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

ufl447 said:


> She says she thinks masturbation is gross and she has never done it and doesn't understand why I would. If she would just help me out a little bit more, I wouldn't have any desire to take care of myself.
> 
> I've tried hinting to her that HJ's would make my life easier. Its not like we don't ever have sex or anything. We have sex 2 or 3 times a week, which is great, but my needs are more than that(like 5 or 6 times a week at least).
> 
> ...


sounds like low drive than

talk to her about it have a long and deep talk. That should work seeing how hopefully you two have a consummate love.


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## jlock111 (Jun 26, 2012)

ufl447 said:


> I need more sex than my wife and she doesn't like me to play with myself. So, I realize how totally selfish this topic is, but why can't she just give me handjobs all the time. I'm so turned on by my wife all the time that she probably wouldn't even have to move her hand much and I could do most of the work. These things only take a couple of minutes for me if I set my mind to it. I know I'm gonna catch a lot of crap for this post, but I just want to know what other people think.


Does she get herself off?


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Or he could be like the millions of guys who are able to enjoy both a healthy masturbatory life AND sex life with their spouse.
> 
> It's not one size fits all. I tend to have MORE sex with my wife when I'm masturbating, not less.


Same here, and same with my W. The better the sex between us, the more masturbation that takes place on both our parts.

Some seriously strange people out there who believe they have the right to tell another person when they can masturbate.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

How long does it take you to get off with a handjob?

As an LD woman, handjobs (10-20 min.) sounds like winning the lottery.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

This is the problem with having a ld woman giving you a handjob. They think in terms of how long does it take. I think in terms of how long can I make it last. As an expert I can finish in under 5 minutes. I can also make it last multiple hours.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Agree WOM.

But maybe the OP would not see "how long" as a problem because something is better than nothing.

LD vs HD will always have "compromise" if they want the relationship to be happy. If compromise doesn't satisfy both partners, then it is time to move on.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Maybe women dont' want to touch a penis they don't know ? I dunno...disease was always in my mind. I don't even like touching most people. lol. I don't know if the guy bathes right or whatever. Gosh...just to give a handjob to a friend? LOL no.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Nobody can give me a handjob like I can give me a handjob. I'm an expert at it, for obvious reasons.

If my wife and I decided to throw in handjobs to help bridge the gap, they would need to be a lot more involved than her just yanking my crank. They would need to involve her actually being sexually excited by it, kissing, and caressing. Who just wants a quick, soulless handjob because they're not getting enough nookie?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

what they arn't free!

you mean I should have been paid all these years giving myself them! 

and now with tennis elbow and carpool tunnel and I can't even file a worker comp case!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I have had many handjobs. 
Also many " soulless " handjobs.

The best hand jobs I have ever got was from my wife.
I taught her exactly how to do it and she was an excellent student.

Hand Jobs, Foot Jobs , Soapy Body Massage , BJ everything!
[ Sorry, no rim jobs,iI'm just not into that..]


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Before we got married, we were required to take a 'pre-marriage course'. It was actually a good time. We talked about how we would handle finances, raise children, etc.

Our groups 'teacher' was a psychologist and a sex therapist. I will never forget what he told us as it shocked me at the time. He said something to the effect of:

"Women ... your husband will probably want more sex than what you will want. He will bother you for sex and it can become a problem in a marriage. My advice to you is to be loving and caring and to give your husband a hand job when you are not in the mood. It is much easier and quicker than arguing about it."

I remember it like it was yesterday. My wife remembered it for the first 4 years of marriage, then must have forgotten for 20 years. Good news is that her memory has come back for the last few months.


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> I have had many handjobs.
> Also many " soulless " handjobs.
> 
> The best hand jobs I have ever got was from my wife.
> ...


:lol "Soulless" Handjobs! 

(That said, I know exactly what you are talking about!)


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