# Wife has been having EA with my business rival



## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

Me and my wife are small business owners. We have owned a Japanese restaurant for 5 years. We have been successful with our business and we have thought about expanding within the next 3 or 4 years. About 2 years ago, A Vietnamese restaurant opened up down the street. The owner was trying to steal our customers so he spread lies about how our kitchen was dirty and how we failed inspection. I only found out about this from my son, who attends private school with his daughter. 

Many of our dishes are the same so that is the reason why he try to steal my customer. To tell you the truth, I have tasted their dishes and I do not like them. When I found out about the lies from my son, I confronted him in his restaurant. HE was a coward and didn't want to face me like a man. He called the police but I left before I got arrested.

Since then, there has always been a major rivalry between our business. We are both guilty of trying to get the upper hand on each other and I'm not ashamed of this.

On last Tuesday, my son came home crying. He told me that my rival's daughter said that my wife gave her daddy a hand job. I knew this couldn't be true but this was not something he could make up. I was ready to march down to his place and stick my shoe off the side of his face. I was so upset that I told my wife but she surprised me. Her reaction was delayed and she seemed worried. I knew something wasn't right. Instead of confronting him, I laid in wait to find out the truth.

I checked my wife's phone and email account. She gave me the passwords and I couldn't find anything. I felt relieved and stupid for questioning her. This morning, it was slow so my wife wanted to go for a walk in the park. I knew I could hold things down until she got back. I started to use her ipad and did some angry birds. I also went on the online and noticed she had a hotmail account open. This was red flags since we both use apple me accounts.

I opened the hotmail and I read dozens of emails between her and someone else. I snooped and the messages were very inappropriate. They went on about meeting up for lunch and sharing a bowl of soup. I had no idea who this other person was until I go to the emails where they sent each other pictures!

MY wife sent him a picture of her standing in our work kitchen with no shirt on! He sent a picture of his lower body with no pants. I could tell by those chicken legs that it was him!!!! I started to get weak and I couldn't think straight. I went and sent all the emails to my account so I could look at them more closely later. I barely finished the day and she kept drilling me to see what was wrong. I stayed strong and I didn't say a word.

I have put together a timeline and from their message, it looks like they have never had sex. They have sent pictures to each other and have met for lunch. She would make up excuse to leave me cooking by myself so she could go meet up to chat with him.

How could she do this to me? I have given her everything she needed to I bust my ass for our business. I always wanted to shake up our marriage but didn't know how. They talked about sex and she told him how she likes it. She never does those things with me. She only does missionary. Is this some sort of fantasy for her and should I intervene? Out of all the people in the world, she chose him and he is married!!! He is my worse enemy and I know if I confront him, one of us will be in jail. Where do I begin this?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

If what you descibe is true ... this is NOT an EA.

This is a sexual relationship and indicates cybersexing and the HJ indicates a PA. So this is way beyound inappropriate and unfaithful. This is full blown cheating.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

She obviously knew you dont like him. Yet she's having a relationship with him. Your wife is disloyal. No two ways about it.

She also had sex with him from the looks of it. She could sneak out anytime to do so since he's nearby. 

A handjob - even your son knows. I wonder how his daughter knew? Probably his wife found out and confronted him. You should go and talk to his wife.

There's no marriage if there's no loyalty. I dont think you can ever get that back soon. Probably will take years, if ever.

Make sure you get a copy of all her messages with her lover.

Start protecting your finances -- you'll find that moving on with financial stability is better than being poor.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's at least given him a hj.

Is he married? If so you should tell his wife.


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

You have proof so you can confront anytime you need to. 

Also send copies of them to your rival's wife. 

Once you confront come back and we can go from there.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

htcooh said:


> On last Tuesday, my son came home crying. He told me that my rival's daughter said that my wife gave her daddy a hand job.


Disturbing on many levels. How did his daughter get this idea? Do you think she saw something? Or he told her? Or by inference based on other circumstances?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

print his nudes and post them across his restaurant.(when no one is seeing that is).


How do you think you son knew that his mother gave he OM a handjob?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

If they've progressed to sexting, sending nekkid pictures, AND she makes excuses to take walks in the park 

then the signs point to a PA, not an EA. How else would they be comfortable sending each other pictures of their private parts if they haven't already sampled them?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Will_Kane said:


> Disturbing on many levels. How did his daughter get this idea? Do you think she saw something? Or he told her? Or by inference based on other circumstances?


This.

Did OM brag to his young daughter that your WW gave him a handjob?


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

I have no idea how his daughter knew this. My son said that the kids were teasing him with this. Should I confront them now based on these emails and my son's word? From the emails, they talk about sex but not about actually having sex. It's along the direction of the type of sexual things they both like. I could confront her based on the fact that she knew I hated his guts and she claimed to dislike him too. She never told me that she communicated with him.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

htcooh said:


> I have no idea how his daughter knew this. My son said that the kids were teasing him with this. Should I confront them now based on these emails and my son's word? From the emails, they talk about sex but not about actually having sex. It's along the direction of the type of sexual things they both like. I could confront her based on the fact that she knew I hated his guts and she claimed to dislike him too. She never told me that she communicated with him.


What outcome are you looking for here?

What is your dealbreaker? I mean she is unfaithful and cheating. Who the guy is just makes it more disrespectful but does it really matter? 

Are you ok if she only gave him a HJ? Is it not enough that she is in some sort of sexual relationship with this guy? Trying to find out if you need to keep investigating or not. What if they have not had sex yet but you wait to confront until after?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

htcooh said:


> I have no idea how his daughter knew this. My son said that the kids were teasing him with this. Should I confront them now based on these emails and my son's word? From the emails, they talk about sex but not about actually having sex. It's along the direction of the type of sexual things they both like. I could confront her based on the fact that she knew I hated his guts and she claimed to dislike him too. She never told me that she communicated with him.


For one thing, you need to immediately go the school and inform the principal and the school administration about what the young girl is spreading around. This will also expose the affair to the OMW because they will have to contact the girl's parents.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to arrange counselling for your son. And consider demanding that the girl is removed from the school.

Also, hire a PI. As it is highly likely that this affair was initiated to find out your business secrets you could write the cost of the PI down as a legitimate business expense, I would think.


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> For one thing, you need to immediately go the school and inform the principal and the school administration about what the young girl is spreading around. This will also expose the affair to the OMW because they will have to contact the girl's parents.


I like the idea of taking this to the school. I will tell my wife in the morning that I want to go together to the school to talk to the principal about this. Her reaction should tell me everything I need to know.


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> What outcome are you looking for here?
> 
> What is your dealbreaker? I mean she is unfaithful and cheating. Who the guys is just makes it more disrespectful but does it really matter?
> 
> Are you ok if she only gave him a HJ? Is it not enough that she is in some sort of sexual relationship with this guy? Trying to find out if you need to keep investigating or not. What if they have not had sex yet but you wait to confront until after?


Well I would like to stay together and work things out. I don't know what to do if she really gave him a hj. This must be personal since she knows I really happened. There is one reason she may do this. Last summer, we hired a girl to wait tables. She was very friendly and beautiful. I would stare at her a lot at work. I loved to look at her when she cleaned tables and my wife noticed. She made me fire her because she knew I had a crush in my mind. This is the only thing I can think of.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

htcooh said:


> I like the idea of taking this to the school. I will tell my wife in the morning that I want to go together to the school to talk to the principal about this. Her reaction should tell me everything I need to know.


Just a thought. If he is the nasty piece of work I think he is, he might have used his daughter to drop a piece of misinformation into the mix, just to split you and your wife up. If that happens, your business would fold and his rival goes out of business.

Unless his daughter saw or heard something at home, what kind of a man would talk about such intimate matters with his own daughter? Maybe this could be a police/social services matter?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

htcooh said:


> Well I would like to stay together and work things out. I don't know what to do if she really gave him a hj. This must be personal since she knows I really happened. There is one reason she may do this. Last summer, we hired a girl to wait tables. She was very friendly and beautiful. I would stare at her a lot at work. I loved to look at her when she cleaned tables and my wife noticed. She made me fire her because she knew I had a crush in my mind. This is the only thing I can think of.


Then you must accept the fact that your WW sent OM a picture of her t!ts. Do you seriously think he's going to keep that to himself? What if those pictures make it around the school and your son is humiliated, more than he already is? You say your WW often left you to cook while *she left to go meet up and chat with OM*. What if he has pictures of your WW banging him? What then? Can you accept that?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

htcooh said:


> Last summer, we hired a girl to wait tables. She was very friendly and beautiful. I would stare at her a lot at work. I loved to look at her when she cleaned tables and my wife noticed. She made me fire her because she knew I had a crush in my mind. This is the only thing I can think of.


And that in no way, justifies her affair. Wow, you looked at the waitress. 

If your WW is that evil, then kick her to the curb.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> And that in no way, justifies her affair. Wow, you looked at the waitress.
> 
> If your WW is that evil, then kick her to the curb.


Evil or so very badly broken that her boundaries seem to have been replaced with elastic?

Her affair -either EA or PA- MUST be stopped ASAP as it has started to impact on your child as well as your marriage and your business.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

It is most likely the daughter caught them having sex and she leaked it to OP's friends out of spite.(kids do that to be horrible to each other). Not to taunt anyone here, but OP seems to be too scared to do anything here. His business rival is f*cking his wife and he is too scared to even see what is happening here. 

Your wife is f*cking disgusting to do what she did. Open your eyes. You have a very horrible woman as your wife. It is one thing to have an affair and it is something on a different level to have an affair with a man you spite and is a business rival. Imagine what kind of person you have to be to do that to your wife. 

She will definitely lie to you if you confront her without evidence.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

Why is it, that you intend to go after your wife's lover

Your beef is with one person, and one person ONLY---YOUR WIFE

It is she who took vows with you, it is she who is to have your back, till death do you part---it is she who is allowing this A., to happen

Your beef is with your wife---leave the other guy alone---he has already called the cops on you, he is not worth you going to jail, and leaving your son, alone with this woman who is your wife, who wants to wreck everyone's life, so she can have a little tawdry sex

You need to come down extremely HARSH on your wife----if you stay, she needs to know she doesn't take walks down to the park, to seek out other men, while you work the restaurant---she stays and works with you, or finds other things to do, that do NOT INVOLVE OTHER MEN.


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

I guess a ton of my anger is geared towards him because I hated him so much before I found out about this. Now I seriously want to hurt him. I don't know why my wife would do this especially with him. Our son is only 7 and it is hard to push him for answers on this issue. He was crying because he felt ashamed but I had to tell him how people in this country can be mean and how it never happened. 

We don't have to open up until 11 so when she gets up, I am telling her that we are going to the school this morning to discuss this. I think that if she tries to stop me, then she has feelings for him. Our marriage is complicated because we are not from here and we have a lot invested in our business. We are almost like a yin and yang which is why I don't understand how this could happen. I'm not going to wait around to catch them having sex even though that may have already happened. This has consumed and stressed me so much that I can't even sleep.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

htcooh said:


> I don't know why my wife would do this especially with him.


She gets high from your humiliation. No she will never admit you that when confronted, but there is no other reason to screw with your rival.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

htcooh said:


> *Well I would like to stay together and work things out.* I don't know what to do if she really gave him a hj. ...



She's a lover of your enemy. And you want to stay with someone like this?

How do you know she had not share other personal or business secrets with him?

How can you ever trust her to tell you the truth? You can not.

She is able to have sex with the enemy. That's too repulsive for me.

I can not imagine ever being intimate again with someone like this without getting myself bobbited afterwards. (But that's just me and my bias.)


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## ReturnOfTheKitty (Aug 11, 2012)

This is more than just regular infidelity, its also financial unfaithfulness. Sadly, its also more devastating. I'm willing to bet your wife discussed your profits and other aspects of your business. I can tell you that its agony to find out your wife is talking about more than just the regular A chit chat. Unbelievable, believe it.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

aug said:


> She's a lover of your enemy. And you want to stay with someone like this?


Exactly. If she was able to do this to you with your enemy then imagine what other worse things she is able to do.

I wouldn't be surprised if banging your wife was the enemy's strategy to make your business go through a downturn. 
As aug said, she could be sharing business secrets with him. He's buying her easily and cheaply.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

htcooh said:


> I guess a ton of my anger is geared towards him because I hated him so much before I found out about this. Now I seriously want to hurt him. I don't know why my wife would do this especially with him. Our son is only 7 and it is hard to push him for answers on this issue. He was crying because he felt ashamed but I had to tell him how people in this country can be mean and how it never happened.
> 
> We don't have to open up until 11 so when she gets up, I am telling her that we are going to the school this morning to discuss this. I think that if she tries to stop me, then she has feelings for him. Our marriage is complicated because we are not from here and we have a lot invested in our business. We are almost like a yin and yang which is why I don't understand how this could happen. I'm not going to wait around to catch them having sex even though that may have already happened. This has consumed and stressed me so much that I can't even sleep.


No don't do this...She will immediately remove any evidence and will keep lying to you. I suggest you gather more evidence. Keep tracking her mail and catch her red-handed. Otherwise she will deny and blindside you and make the whole thing you fault. 

You are in serious trouble. She is cheating 100% and you need to accept it first before you do anything. Don't go to the school.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

And the problem she had with your younger employee and having her fired is called projection. I wouldn't be surprised if she had affairs with more than one man!!


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

This is a messed up situation. I feel for you. You must maintain your composure for your children and the business. I don't know how or why your wife would resort this because she saw you looking at the waitress. What she did is way out of line and does not come close to equating your crush to having EA and most likely a PA with your rival. 

Your WIFE is the cause of this not your rival, this wouldn't happen without her willing involvement in the affair. 

-She knows that you hate the other man, 
-She knows he lied about your business to steal customers that would effect your entire family. 
-She knows cheating is wrong

Your wife's jealousy is too extreme and childish, if the waitress incident made her decide to not only cheat, But with the one person you hate the most.(Double stab in the back) 

IMHO, REMEMBER the other man is using this a way to get back at you. I'm sure you want to hurt him physically but don't fall for that trap. He might use this to brag and throw it in your face. Your gonna have to maintain your composure and stay out of jail. He wants you to lose control and take you out of business. 

I personally would not reconcile with a so called wife, that betrayed you on so many levels. ( I would plot out a way to get revenge on the rival another time....not recommending for you to do, its just something I won't let slide because of the dynamics of this situation)

I missed the part of your rival being married, You should let her know whats going on also. Who owns your restaurant????


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

General Forum rules specify that we are to treat all members with respect. If you doubt the validity of OP's situation, you can report the post, contact a moderator, or simply avoid the thread. Replies that hijack the thread will be deleted.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

When you confront her tell her to go live with him. She's free. She's a double betrayer, as spouse and as bussiness owner. She's punishing you. Obviously.
Tough love, man. Put her stuff a garbage bags and drop it at OM's restaurant.

Be ready to have your hard conditions drafted in case she comes back willing to try ANS you want too. Still make her squirm for a while. Ask her to move out for a week. Kick her out.

Be very form on this. Make consequences hard to endure.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So what happened?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Thats just cold... 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

htcooh said:


> I guess a ton of my anger is geared towards him because I* hated him so much before I found out about this. *


And why else would he target your wife, do you think?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Okay assuming this is not jb100. 

Your wife and you obviously have some major work to do. One there needs to be a NC letter sent to the OM immediately. After that she should have no contact with the OM in anyway shape or form. If they run into each other in the street she shouldn't say anything more than Hi have a good day.

The next thing is you both need IC and MC. For your sake you need the whole truth and you are not getting it. They most likely have had sex. It sounds like your rival has a big mouth and is enjoying making a cuckold out of you.

I am sorry but IMO the lack of respect she must have for you now is abundantly clear. I would send her away at least until you can think straight and not have the urge to firebomb your rivals business. 

So take it easy now. Send your wife away figure out what you really want, and can you forgive her for what she has done. You need to tell her that she has one more chance to tell the whole story. that if she doesn't tell you everything and you find out there is more she will be gone.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

There is nothing complicated about your marriage. your wife is sexing your worst enemy. Its not like she don't know you hate him.
She gets off on doing this. The daughter most likely saw them together. 
Your socalled EA is a full blown affair dude. Now how long are you going to bury your head in the sand.

The first thing you do, since you have the info and pics, is bust her hard.
Do not use your son at this time. Just tell her, her a** is busted and you want her gone NOW.
Hell, she may be leaving you cooking to go help him improve his food.

I can understand being angry with him.
BUT why is that same degree of anger not directed at your wife???

This is the woman you work like a dog for ?? Someone who care so little for you that she would F**K you worst enemy.


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

I totally messed this up today. I feel like I'm back to base one. When she woke up, I told her that we needed to go to the school to talk to the headmaster. She made up a lot of excuses and we ended up in a big fight. I couldn't hold back and I told her I knew that she was in contact with him behind my back.

She called me a liar and said I had no proof. I asked her to log into her email and she logged in her apple account. I then told her to log into her secret hotmail account and she froze like ice. She tried to deny she had one but I quoted her the email address. We talked about the emails and she started to cry. She said this was a fantasy to her but they never did anything sexual.

I wanted to know how she could do this to me and with him but she said that she found him intriguing and that he was attractive. She said she tried to break it off but she just kept chatting with him. I asked her about the topless picture and she had no answer. She said that she was just having fun because he made her feel good.

I don't believe her but I don't know what to do. I blew the lid and now I don't know how to get any more of the truth. I want to show his wife the pictures but I don't know how. If he thinks he can **** up my marriage, I will **** up his. It does hurt that he has nude pictures of my wife somewhere. She said she never shared any secrets and everything was casual. This is too coincidental so I don't believe her. I should have told her to move out but can't since we depend on each other so much with our business and the kids. I don't even know where to go from here but I feel that I went about this all wrong since now I won't know how far the relationship went.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Again tell his wife.

Have your wife take a polygraph to prove it wasn't physical. But you know it was, you don't send topless photos to your rival otherwise.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Tell his wife.

Order a polygraph.

Tell her to write him a NC letter or you are divorcing her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Which country are you in? I have an idea that might help, but it needs to be crafted to your particular country.


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

What is the best way to go about telling his wife? Should I just show her all the emails or should I mail them to her. It should give her no doubt about what happened since I have a couple pictures that he sent her. I was just thinking that I hope my wife doesn't tip him off about me knowing because he may try to make up a story to tell his wife. We are from Japan but we are living in America. We are also citizens.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

htcooh said:


> What is the best way to go about telling his wife? Should I just show her all the emails or should I mail them to her. It should give her no doubt about what happened since I have a couple pictures that he sent her. I was just thinking that I hope my wife doesn't tip him off about me knowing because he may try to make up a story to tell his wife. We are from Japan but we are living in America. We are also citizens.


Right! OK... you need to contact the headmaster/principal and tell him exactly what has happened. Tell him that you expect he will take whatever action he can to stop the bullying of your son.

It seems worrying that OM's daughter has these details. It's possible he shared them with her in order to embarrass your son. If so, that may be a sign of an inappropriate relationship between OM and his daughter. 

Does your wife know she has caused your son to become the subject of ridicule and bullying at school? If not, confront her with it and make certain she knows SHE is to blame for this, 50/50 with her lover.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

htcooh said:


> What is the best way to go about telling his wife? Should I just show her all the emails or should I mail them to her. It should give her no doubt about what happened since I have a couple pictures that he sent her. I was just thinking that I hope my wife doesn't tip him off about me knowing because he may try to make up a story to tell his wife. We are from Japan but we are living in America. We are also citizens.


 I would email her one of their worse emails, and then follow up with an introduction and why you are doing it. That way, she reads the first one and can't deny it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

And for goodness' sake, go to the school TODAY! Screw what your wife wants - she gets no say any more.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

htcooh said:


> I totally messed this up today. I feel like I'm back to base one. When she woke up, I told her that we needed to go to the school to talk to the headmaster. She made up a lot of excuses and we ended up in a big fight. I couldn't hold back and I told her I knew that she was in contact with him behind my back.
> 
> She called me a liar and said I had no proof. I asked her to log into her email and she logged in her apple account. I then told her to log into her secret hotmail account and she froze like ice. She tried to deny she had one but I quoted her the email address. We talked about the emails and she started to cry. She said this was a fantasy to her but they never did anything sexual.
> 
> ...


:wtf:

Why is there *NOTHING* about your 7 year old son *being humiliated* at school because of her affair?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

htcooh said:


> What is the best way to go about telling his wife? Should I just show her all the emails or should I mail them to her. It should give her no doubt about what happened since I have a couple pictures that he sent her. I was just thinking that I hope my wife doesn't tip him off about me knowing because he may try to make up a story to tell his wife. We are from Japan but we are living in America. We are also citizens.


Both mail and email are risky.
You don't know if your enemy has his wife's email password. If he has access to his wife's email then he might delete the content.
Also if you send it by mail and if he sees the sender, the info might never reach his wife. 
It'd be better to call her first and let her know she'll be getting mail. Let her know it's important and that it should be kept private for now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

If you know where to find his wife, then go see her. Tell her everything !!!! Even what her daughter is saying at school. Her own child can prove your point for you.

And you did pretty good for the situtiation you are in.But you now have to settle down and get your game plan laid out.
Tell your wife she don't leave your side until you feel you know everything.
No phone, no walks, no computer for her. 
Go to the school and talk to the principal. BULLYing is a BIG problem these day,and most schools are proactive because of the suicides.
As for wifey,tell her she WILL be taking a polygraph. Not only has she lost face, she has brought shame on the family, and has betrayed her vows.
Tell her you don't believe her for 4 simple facts. 
1. even his daughter knows, 
2. she sent topless pics, therefore it is not causal, 
3. the affair is a FACT,
4. they MEET.

Do not let her rug sweep or gaslight you. You the full truth and telling her she WILL be polyed MAY get her to come clean. MAY!!!
Even then she may try to do damage control and only admit to what you know, thats why you still do the poly.

I know I haven't said it, but I'm sorry you are here.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Can you not walk over to their restaurant? See if the other man's wife is there? If so, tell her. bring a copy of your evidence to show/give her.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Your wife has by now informed the other man that you know.


Take away her computer. Make sure she has no access to a computer or cell phone for now.

But she'll find a way to contact him.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Protect your finances now. Make sure she does not have access to your money or assets.


Which countries divorce law is more favorable to the father in this situation, Japan or USA?


And, I wonder, who initiated the first contact or the affair? If she did, that's just so very wrong.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

Wow, this is so horrible, with a business rival. My jedi powers sense TRICKLE truth. Children are strong and resilient, that humiliation at school will only make him stronger. Whatever happens, if you remain steadfast in truth and honest actions, you will be a successful man in the end. Aren't Japanese about honor, not necessarily asking your wife to commit seppuku but to at least tell you the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Missionary only and she discusses all these things she likes? I am appalled, I feel for you sir. Keep working hard, because it will get harder and harder and you WILL make it through.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I feel so bad for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

Situation has gotten worse for me. I told my wife that I don't believe that nothing happened and that she should take a polygraph (advice taken from here). I also said that whether or not she likes it, we are talking about to the headmaster about this so my son isn't harassed. Last, I told her that I am telling his wife everything.

We got into a bigger fight than before and she did everything to stop me from going to the school. She tried to put all the blame on me and said that I have been ignoring her which I have not.
I kept bringing up our son and how he is getting teased. She broke down and cried and told me that she did give him a hand job. She said they were talking in his car one day at lunch and he kissed her. She said that he was trying to sleep with her and she said no. She said the hand job was to get him off her back. She also said he didn't finish. I find it hard to believe he didn't finish but that what she says happened.

I have told her to move out so I can think about things. We will still run the business together and se each other at work. We will just not be living with each other as she will stay with her aunt. I want to work out my marriage because I don't believe in divorce. I don't know how to cope with this and how to rebuild. I also still feel that they had sex and she isn't telling me.

I don't know how to reveal this to his wife. I'm thinking about going to the headmaster and demanding a meeting with her parents. It will be easier and more civil there because I know if I march in their restaurant, he will be there and a fight may follow.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Go to his wife in person. Tell her what you know and show her the pictures. Tell her you have told your wife to move out.

Talk to his wife in person so you know she hears it and that he doesn't lie to her.

Leave the headmaster and school out of it. There is nothing they can do - this is between you and him.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also think about the fact that his young daughter knows about this. Has he been bragging?


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

I guess handjob only may be true since that's all you heard had been said at school.

That said, if you don't believe in divorce, the big question is going to be how do you rebuild to trust her again.

I wouldn't go through the headmaster. I would visit the wife and take copies of emails and photos.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Do not warn her again that you are telling his wife - she will warn him and he will tell his wife a crazy man is after him/her.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

SO she gives him a handjob in a car and his daughter knows about it somehow? Notice how she only confessed only what you actually knew, nothing more she did it after repeated denials. How can you even believe her ? She has been f*cking him for a long time. Don't believe one word she says. She is still lying about the extent of the affair. It is called trickle truthing. The truth will slowly emerge. I am guessing that the daughter caught both of them.


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

To tell you the truth, my son has told me that since that day, the other kids have not mentioned it and has moved one. I feel like I am doing a disservice to him but not going to the headmaster and I don't want to be a coward. 

I am not afraid to front her at her restaurant. It's just that I know things can get ugly too. My wife said that she hasn't spoken with him but I can't help but to thing that she may have already tipped him off.

My brother knows about my situation and he brought up a theory that I must consider. He said that if his daughter knows but didn't catch them, then it means that he told her. He says that he wouldn't tell his daughter this and risk his daughter telling his wife. This means that maybe they all know and this is just some big plan to tear us apart and lose our business. It may be a stretch but at this point, nothing would surprise me.


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

htcooh said:


> To tell you the truth, my son has told me that since that day, the other kids have not mentioned it and has moved one. I feel like I am doing a disservice to him but not going to the headmaster and I don't want to be a coward.
> 
> I am not afraid to front her at her restaurant. It's just that I know things can get ugly too. My wife said that she hasn't spoken with him but I can't help but to thing that she may have already tipped him off.
> 
> My brother knows about my situation and he brought up a theory that I must consider. He said that if his daughter knows but didn't catch them, then it means that he told her. He says that he wouldn't tell his daughter this and risk his daughter telling his wife. This means that maybe they all know and this is just some big plan to tear us apart and lose our business. It may be a stretch but at this point, nothing would surprise me.


Your wife wants to lose the business?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You're over think it - he's not a master plan maker - he is a scumbag that your wife is having an affair with.

Do you know where they live? Have your brother go with you to talk to the wife.

Where is your wife staying now that you kicked her out?


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## htcooh (Aug 13, 2012)

She is staying with her aunt. I could get my son to find out their address so I can go over there. Can I get in trouble for trespassing? It seems like a gamble since he may come to the door and I'm sure he don't allow her to come.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

htcooh said:


> To tell you the truth, my son has told me that since that day, the other kids have not mentioned it and has moved one. I feel like I am doing a disservice to him but not going to the headmaster and I don't want to be a coward.
> 
> I am not afraid to front her at her restaurant. It's just that I know things can get ugly too. My wife said that she hasn't spoken with him but I can't help but to thing that she may have already tipped him off.
> 
> My brother knows about my situation and *he brought up a theory that I must consider. He said that if his daughter knows but didn't catch them, then it means that he told her. He says that he wouldn't tell his daughter this and risk his daughter telling his wife. This means that maybe they all know and this is just some big plan to tear us apart and lose our business. It may be a stretch but at this point, nothing would surprise me*.


I know this is hard, but the answer is not some great conspiracy to ruin your business. The daughter either saw it or overheard him talking about it or messaging about it with your wife. Your wife is not doing this to ruin your business, she is doing it for the reasons other cheaters do it - she was bored, he was available, the timing was right, blah, blah, blah, plus the main reason is I think she really has deep resentment toward you, thus why she would do this with your sworn enemy. The other man is doing it for sex, and it is that more exciting because it is the wife of his rival; he is not doing it to ruin your business, but if it ends up ruining your business, that is a nice added bonus.

You've already had the cops called on you when you confronted him at his business, don't go there to expose to his wife unless you have a voice-activated recorder with you. My suggestion would be to talk to her at her home when he is not there, or at the business when he is not there, by phone if possible. By telling your wife about the exposure, other man will be able to prepare his wife for the call from the crazy business rival, who his wife already has a low opinion of, so be prepared that she will not believe you. Still, her awareness will be raised and if the affair continues she will be more likely to be suspicious and notice something.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

htcooh said:


> To tell you the truth, my son has told me that since that day, the other kids have not mentioned it and has moved one. I feel like I am doing a disservice to him but not going to the headmaster and I don't want to be a coward.
> 
> I am not afraid to front her at her restaurant. It's just that I know things can get ugly too. My wife said that she hasn't spoken with him but I can't help but to thing that she may have already tipped him off.
> 
> My brother knows about my situation and he brought up a theory that I must consider. He said that if his daughter knows but didn't catch them, then it means that he told her. He says that he wouldn't tell his daughter this and risk his daughter telling his wife. This means that maybe they all know and this is just some big plan to tear us apart and lose our business. It may be a stretch but at this point, nothing would surprise me.


Unless he is having a sexual relationship with his daughter, too?


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Do you have a female friend who could go to the door for you?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

htcooh said:


> To tell you the truth, my son has told me that since that day, the other kids have not mentioned it and has moved one. I feel like I am doing a disservice to him but not going to the headmaster and I don't want to be a coward.
> 
> I am not afraid to front her at her restaurant. It's just that I know things can get ugly too. My wife said that she hasn't spoken with him but I can't help but to thing that she may have already tipped him off.
> 
> My brother knows about my situation and he brought up a theory that I must consider. He said that if his daughter knows but didn't catch them, then it means that he told her. He says that he wouldn't tell his daughter this and risk his daughter telling his wife. This means that maybe they all know and this is just some big plan to tear us apart and lose our business. It may be a stretch but at this point, nothing would surprise me.



Tell your wife this. That the OM is aiming at destroying the business and for the business and your family to survive, she needs to come completely clean. No more lies!! And that you need not be blindsided by new revelations from the OM while dealing with the whole thing.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

I think you need to consider your wife a lost cause. She is way too much of a traitor. You now know you can never depend on her again.

I would think staying married to her would be a lifetime of paranoia.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

How did your wife meet the other man????? When did she have time???How could she develop a relationship with him after he spread lies about your restaurant that she also owns??????? 

Basically why would she have an affair with a man that is trying to take money out of her pocket, and food of your families table?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

AlphaHalf said:


> How did your wife meet the other man????? When did she have time???How could she develop a relationship with him after he spread lies about your restaurant that she also owns???????
> 
> Basically why would she have an affair with a man that is trying to take money out of her pocket, and food of your families table?


Because she wanted to hurt her husband. Good chance she won't want to come back.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

> Originally Posted by AlphaHalf View Post
> How did your wife meet the other man????? When did she have time???How could she develop a relationship with him after he spread lies about your restaurant that she also owns???????
> 
> Basically why would she have an affair with a man that is trying to take money out of her pocket, and food of your families table?
> Because she wanted to hurt her husband. Good chance she won't want to come back.


Perhaps your right, I guess she just rolled up to him and said lets talk. All because of a waitress he was looking at. hmmmmm....


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## crazyace (Aug 20, 2012)

Hey htcooh, I was too pained by your story ... your own wife gave you a worst treatment than your rival .. if you are still here can you give us an update ?


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