# second marriages



## tweetybird (Feb 13, 2011)

This is my second marriage, the first one went down hill when I caught my husband cheating over and over again.
I have been married for 4 years now and I was completely happy, and head over heels in love. This last year many things have went wrong. I had a TIA and because of this we both changed jobs, let me add jobs we hate. We are both long haul truck drivers. My husband now is driving locally and I am driving a taxi cab. That is the first thing that depresses us. Second my son from my first marriage, was living with us, but has became addicted to oxycotin and has stole from us repeatedly. I made him leave our home. In the process my husband put his hands around my sons throat, and told him never to come back. Than my son broke into our home, my husband wanted to charge him for break n enter. I said no. I want to help my son, i love him. I have been trying to help my son, but my husband does not want him calling the house or coming around. My son has respected that. He calls my cell phone and we talk instead.. Any time I do anything for my son it ends up that my husband and I end up not talking to each other. He hates my son and is very unforgiving. This has taken a huge toll on our marriage. There is no passion left in our sex life, I don't talk to him about anything important anymore because it just ends up sith us not tlaking to each other for days, but yet he is always groping at me which i do not like. I have tried leaving little i love you notes, and doing little things for him. But I would like little gestures once in a while too, like the flowers he use to bring once in a while but there is nothing. He puts no thought into us anymore. I feel so unattractive and depressed as well. How can I get a loving feeling back, am I right to feel resentment towards him. I am very mixed up and just want to find some happiness and to be in love again. Any opinions would help.


----------



## anx (Nov 30, 2010)

Get to MC if you can.

I think you both love eachother and can make it work. You definitely have issues to discuss.

I agree with your husband that your son should not contact you. Any help you give him while he is still on drugs is enabling him to continue to be on drugs. 

I don't know that I would be able to cut contact with a son, but its not right that your son is driving these issues between you two.

Your husband it probably hurt and angry about your son and lack of sex and isn't able to give you small gestures. It would be great if you could give your husband sex and he could give you gestures and what important to him, but you are both probably too hurt to do that at this point.

Again, if you can get into MC and talk about your issues, I think you can make it work and be happy. Your husband still finds you attractive and wants to have sex with you (he gropes you) and you still love him (send him little things). Look into love language stuff, and try to do what makes the OTHER person feel love and make sure they know to do what makes YOU feel loved. MC is hard work. Especially since you are both stressed from your jobs and over your son (who is treating you both like SH*T by stealing from you and treating you like this). You can turn this around and be happy again.

As a man in a marriage, it is hard to describe how important sex is to the health of my marriage. At the same time, I KNOW how extremely important it is to my wife that I show her love though keeping the house clean, making food, and suppoting her (acts of service in love language). We both watch this closely to make the other person happy

If your husband wrote a post, I'm sure it would read something like
-I love my wife
-Our son has added huge stress to our relationship
-Lack of sex makes it hard for me to show love to my wife. I know she wants me to do x,y, and z, but can't with us both arguing.
-When we talk, it doesn't go well and I don't want to bring up issues and fight.

I really think you can make this work. Stay strong and Best of Luck.


----------

