# Am I overthinking things?



## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I was dumped in December. We practically lived together. We dated 8 months but have know each other since 2013 so we have lots of history. I was at her house more nights than mine. Had clothes there etc. I ignored her for the most part after. Went silent. We started texting recently and we were talking and I could tell there was interest there based on our messages. And I did miss her. She suggested we meet for dinner because she had things she needed to tell me. 

So the next day I just sent her a message "Lets meet at (name of restaurant) at 5PM. We met and had an hour wait. She said "there is something I need to tell you" and that made me extremely nervous. But she said that she was a big part of the breakup also and she was crying and we talked quite a bit. We went to dinner and then got back in her car. She asked if I wanted to continue to talk and I said "Yes" so she suggested we go back to her house (nothing sexual happened). Lots of kisses and hugs and snuggling through out the night.. I ended up spending the night. I left the next day (which is yesterday), we hugged , kissed and said I love you.

I didn't hear during the day. Maybe 6 or 7 hours after I got home I messaged her and we chatted. I told her goodnight and she said the same. This morning I woke up and she had sent me a youtube video of a song by "Nelly Furtado: I'll Fly Away" Now I watched this video and the words are about leaving someone. Now I am all consumed on why she sent me this and is there some hidden meaning. *Am I over thinking this? (I hope that is all it is). * But I can't ask her why she sent that video, it will come across as being insecure I'm sure. I just deleted it from our text message conversation. I was going to reply "great song" or something eventually today but I think it may be best to not even mention it.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MSC71 said:


> _*But she said that she was a big part of the breakup also and she was crying and we talked quite a bit. *_



I don't get it.

*THAT* was her earth-shattering confession - that *she* was "part of the breakup too?" 

You said you were DUMPED by her in December, so it's pretty *obvious* that she was a big part of the breakup.

What am I missing here?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She never admitted something like this before. And I can't type everything that was said or it would be extremely long. Was just giving cliff notes as I was nervous / worried about the video and if I am overthinking etc.


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## Vorpal (Feb 23, 2020)

Yes. You are over thinking. Say "thank you" and "good-bye" and move on. Crazy, like water, seeks its own level. Don't become part of a flood.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Vorpal said:


> Yes. You are over thinking. Say "thank you" and "good-bye" and move on. Crazy, like water, seeks its own level. Don't become part of a flood.


Agree.

Healthy relationships aren't dramatic like this. 

Block her and move on.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Who sends songs in lieu of actually talking?

That's something teens do.

If a guy expects me to listen to song lyrics to know what he's thinking I'm out.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Sounds like she’s moved on and wants to let you go gently. I’d guess she has been seeing someone else. It may not be very serious yet but she wants to see where it goes. I recommend that you start getting busy living your life. If she comes back, then you can reassess but for now concentrate on working on yourself.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

We like music and always shared songs


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She already let me go. We got back together this weekend. So I thought. But have not heard from her today. Sometimes she sleeps late. Who knows.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

I was just wondering if I was overthinking the music video. Apparently I was. She finally text me today and I ignored it. Then she called me at work.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I think that whatever she was going to tell you wasn’t what she did tell you. She backed out of the original plan. 
And for what it’s worth I think she was going to tell you there’s some other guy on the scene. 
Who drew the line at not having sex even though you stayed the night?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My take on this is a bit different than the others. She broke up with you and now realizes it was a mistake. She wants back in your world. Do you want her back in yours?


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

She has mentioned she missed me. She said lots and we both owned our mistakes in the past with each other. We are back together it seems.....I never asked "are we back together". I did mention once that i was thankful for her giving me a chance and she mentioned we both are giving each other another chance. We see. I'm just super anxious.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MSC71 said:


> She has mentioned she missed me. She said lots and we both owned our mistakes in the past with each other. We are back together it seems.....I never asked "are we back together". I did mention once that i was thankful for her giving me a chance and she mentioned we both are giving each other another chance. We see. I'm just super anxious.


Hope it works out!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I agree with my mentor, @EleGirl.

Your EXGF wants you back.

Had she not, she would not allow one single hug or those deep kisses.

Had you tried to undress her, and taken her naked, back into that posture, she would not have resisted.

The lady is back.

Claim her.....or not.




_Lilith-_


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

MSC71 said:


> She has mentioned she missed me. She said lots and we both owned our mistakes in the past with each other. We are back together it seems.....I never asked "are we back together". I did mention once that i was thankful for her giving me a chance and she mentioned we both are giving each other another chance. We see. I'm just super anxious.


I'll second or third the "Best of Luck."
However, given a couple of things from your initial post, go slow.


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## MSC71 (Aug 1, 2012)

Thanks. I am and I am making myself go slow and I don't want to go slow.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

MSC71 said:


> She has mentioned she missed me. She said lots and we both owned our mistakes in the past with each other. We are back together it seems.....I never asked "are we back together". I did mention once that i was thankful for her giving me a chance and she mentioned we both are giving each other another chance. We see. I'm just super anxious.


You told her you were thankful for her giving you a chance?? 

Why?

What had you ever done to merit her leaving you?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

MSC71 said:


> I was dumped in December. We practically lived together. We dated 8 months but have know each other since 2013 so we have lots of history. I was at her house more nights than mine. Had clothes there etc. I ignored her for the most part after. Went silent. We started texting recently and we were talking and I could tell there was interest there based on our messages. And I did miss her. She suggested we meet for dinner because she had things she needed to tell me.
> 
> So the next day I just sent her a message "Lets meet at (name of restaurant) at 5PM. We met and had an hour wait. She said "there is something I need to tell you" and that made me extremely nervous. But she said that she was a big part of the breakup also and she was crying and we talked quite a bit. We went to dinner and then got back in her car. She asked if I wanted to continue to talk and I said "Yes" so she suggested we go back to her house (nothing sexual happened). Lots of kisses and hugs and snuggling through out the night.. I ended up spending the night. I left the next day (which is yesterday), we hugged , kissed and said I love you.
> 
> I didn't hear during the day. Maybe 6 or 7 hours after I got home I messaged her and we chatted. I told her goodnight and she said the same. This morning I woke up and she had sent me a youtube video of a song by "Nelly Furtado: I'll Fly Away" Now I watched this video and the words are about leaving someone. Now I am all consumed on why she sent me this and is there some hidden meaning. *Am I over thinking this? (I hope that is all it is). * But I can't ask her why she sent that video, it will come across as being insecure I'm sure. I just deleted it from our text message conversation. I was going to reply "great song" or something eventually today but I think it may be best to not even mention it.


How old are you both? I don't think she's been honest with you about why she dumped you. Quite frankly, all this drama sounds tedious and childish. If it were me, I'd salvage my dignity and keep walking. Why do you want her back, is she really hot?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Who sends songs in lieu of actually talking?
> 
> That's something teens do.
> 
> If a guy expects me to listen to song lyrics to know what he's thinking I'm out.


Wow. My ex pulled that crap at 40, I guess some people never grow up.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

MSC71 said:


> We dated 8 months but have know each other since 2013 so we have lots of history.


Be honest, were you just one of her orbiters who finally got the chance after years of being in the friend zone. You had to listen to her talk about all the other guys she was really hot for......




MSC71 said:


> she suggested we go back to her house (nothing sexual happened).


That tells you everything you need to know. Charge this one to the game as a learning experience. Maybe read No More Mr Nice Guy and The Rational Male.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sadly, this isn’t going to go anywhere and the previous post said it right…,. You didn’t have sex after spending the night together after a breakup??????
Meh…….. this isn’t the woman for you. She’s just going to break your heart…….. again….


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Sometimes women need some time to process getting rid of you. Which can involve her wanting to test the waters again from time to time to make sure she still feels the same way. And since you got no sex, she feels the same way.

If you want to be nice and help her along on her journey, make yourself available to remind her she doesn't want you anymore, you can. That's up to you. But based on what you've said there's no hidden meaning in anything. She doesn't want you anymore and that's not going to change.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

*


MSC71 said:



I'm just super anxious.

Click to expand...

*Honestly, the word I was thinking of is "desperate."


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Well if I remember, that nellie Furtado song is about a girl who loves her beau, but needs her 
freedom even more And is going to fly away.

She cares for you obviously, but she loves her freedom more than you. Been there, done that.
You need to accept that and move on. 

Here's the thing. Even if she gets back together with you, it's just a matter of time before she gets
Happy feet (wings?)again and flies away. More heartache.


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