# The OW: Another View



## PreRaphaelite (Dec 15, 2012)

I read this article entitled "I was the other woman", and I found it interesting enough to post here. I guess you could call their affair a "success story". It's hard to stomach the last comments she makes but. . . I guess they're happy.


I was the other woman | Life and style | The Guardian


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Ahhh, the world of entitlement...


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

Honestly it sounds like they didn't cheat for very long before he ended his marriage -- not a savory situation but not as bad as a lot of the stories here. They should have waited until he had left his wife, but it sounds like he was already ready to leave his wife.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

A few sentences that stuck out for me from the article: 



> I would never have fallen in love with you if my _marriage_ had been strong."


Dude's got it wrong. He never would have fallen in love with the AP *if HIS OWN CHARACTER and BOUNDARIES* had been strong. His statement is simply another tactic cheaters use to 'share the blame' so they don't have to take responsibility for their _unilateral_ decision to cheat. 



> none of what we had done was to intentionally cause pain


And yet they BOTH knew what they were doing would _definitely_ cause pain. It's illogical to claim that you don't want to hurt someone while engaging in obviously hurtful behavior. 



> *People naturally look out for themselves and that is what I did in the end.*


I DO agree that people are self-serving. However, there's a definite distinction between those who are on their own personal quest for happiness and those who are seeking happiness _at others expense._ Cheaters are in the latter group, and the next sentence proves it: 



> *But I believe that I was entitled to take happiness when I found it*


...no matter WHO she hurt. Basically, the BS is collateral damage. 


> I guess you could call their affair a "success story".


I wouldn't call it a "success story" just yet. Heck, they might stay together for the next 30 years _while both cheating on each other._ 

_Longevity_ of a relationship is NOT a reliable indicator of how "successful" it is. Plenty of people remain together/married for _decades_ and are completely _miserable._ 

I would hardly call those marriages "successful".

Just my 2 cents.

Vega


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

This story is just another reminder ...that too many marriages allow a Breach to seep , ooze and an emotional gangrene sets in....neither is doing the work to rebuild what was lost...or if only one... how far is that going to get us -there comes a time... 

We shouldn't be OK with our lives going in 2 different directions... this allows cracks in the relationship -so that we are more tempted to fall into the arms of another, that's just the reality...better to just divorce if it can't be worked out...

In His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage:  ...the whole book is about this... this Husband - and really we have NO idea what the issues were between him & his wife....not mentioned.. but they LET IT DIE... so it sounds.. why in the world did they allow YEARS of discord to just sit... and fester...

Infidelity will ALWAYS be among us .. it's very unfortunate.. but this should be a reminder to us all ... to be ACTIVE, ALERT and wooing the intimacy in our own marriages..


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

John Lee said:


> Honestly it sounds like they didn't cheat for very long before he ended his marriage -- not a savory situation but not as bad as a lot of the stories here. They should have waited until he had left his wife, but it sounds like he was already ready to leave his wife.


True. And it seems to have worked out, but as you said he should have left first if he felt so very strongly about his new wife. On the other hand, she also could have told him that they could not explore their feelings until he was free (ie. separated).

Naaa, I don't like it. It's nice to hear stories where people in unhappy marriage leave and find their soulmates, but in a sense, it is kind of weak to need that "trigger" of a new person to make the decision to leave. This is something I can understand, however, because no one wants to be alone. Sometimes it is hard to break an attachment without good motivation.....

Interesting story.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

What really struck me about her attitude was that she was so self absorbed and entitled that she spent not one moment thinking about the devastation they were going to leave. Maybe they are a better match and maybe his marriage was over, but to think he could just leave his family amicably and that everyone would be thrilled that they both found their "soul mates" is naive at best and narcissistic at worst. His family is wrecked and all she knows is that she's at the happiest time of her life. Amazing. You 
have to know that there is always a cost to be paid for what you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> What really struck me about her attitude was that she was so self absorbed and entitled that she spent not one moment thinking about the devastation they were going to leave. Maybe they are a better match and maybe his marriage was over, but to think he could just leave his family amicably and that everyone would be thrilled that they both found their "soul mates" is naive at best and narcissistic at worst. His family is wrecked and all she knows is that she's at the happiest time of her life. Amazing. You
> have to know that there is always a cost to be paid for what you want.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Six weeks after my sister's divorce was final, she met her new husband. They were deliriously happy. Her children were not.

Nine years later, they were still, from all appearances, deliriously happy. Her children were still not.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I think sometimes marriages are over, and people have a hard time accepting it.

And really, is a man who would do that really someone worth holding on to?


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## RoninJedi (Jun 22, 2013)

It's stories like that that make me wish stupidity was a crime punishable by public beating.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Interesting article that begs the question:

Do we really deserve happiness at the expense of others' unhappiness?

My husband's 1st wife started an affair years ago & ended her marriage with 2 young children. She thought her AP was "the one" & the relationship eventually ended. The children now young men will never forgive her for blowing up the family. Now if the marriage had ended because of other reasons, the fallout would have been easier on everybody. Their Mother will always be know as a cheating, lying woman with loose morals. It is her legacy whether she likes it or not.

The woman in this article was willing to forgo long friendships, family approval, her AP partner's childrens' feelings, development, sense of family security & emotional fallout all for her own happiness.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

RoninJedi said:


> It's stories like that that make me wish stupidity was a crime punishable by public beating.


Why? What would that solve?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Emerald, there are natural consequences to our actions. Your dh's first wife is getting hers. This woman has surely gotten hers, too, and will keep getting more. And this David is getting his. Apparently it is worth it to them.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Wow what an amazing beeotch. She will deserve whatever crap comes her way in life. She already has the first piece of crap - a no good, cheating, poor excuse for a man.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

I read on another forum early letter from a wayward.

Fascinating.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I can only hope that she ends up getting herself a nice latent STD to somehow remember her lover by!*


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