# Not long till dovorce is final ( this is painful)



## Just-Jennfer (Jan 12, 2022)

Most probably know from my previous posts that me and my children are going through a really hard time. 
I was reading a book divorce recovery
Growing and healing gods way and it said something that I felt so deep.
About how marriage is 2 flesh becoming 1 and how divorce is the splitting of that one flesh. 
I literally feel that pain and I honestly don't think I'm going to make it through. 
The poor kids are missing their dad so much and I don't think they will likely see him again. 
He is now re sectioned and I haven't heard anything in weeks now.while I'm grateful for that break from his unbalanced mind ( not his fault ) today I was wishing for my sane minded loving husband back. He was a good man prior to his mental health issues the last 2 years. 
I'm finding myself trying to do as suggested last post about embracing the pain. I'm trying to do that and not push those feeling down. 
writing my feelings down. 
I want to heal and recover from this heartache. 
I can honestly say I have never felt anything like this. It literally feels like someone is peeling my soul away.
I say this typing while I sob. Throat and heart tightening.
It genuinely my feels worse the more time goes on.
I get a small relief now and then. 

I have thought about suicide a few times now and I just couldn't do that to my children. 

I wouldn't do that but that's the only way out of this unbearable situation. 

Or at least feels like it. Then the emotions subside some and I think to myself why on earth would I Evan think about suicide. 
I'm not suicidal I'm.just in pain and I want it to stop. 

The world is so bad. I see nothing good.
Just pain and more pain. 
I have tried reaching out to other people on sites and Evan church friend. ( I feel stupid like I'm not good enough when I complain about my feelings. It's a form of pride and not trusting in the Lord to be like this. So I really can't Evan talk to that one person honestly anymore. 
I worry what will be thought about me.i shouldn't. But I do. 
What is the point.?
This is too hard.
How does anyone get through this ? 
Worst pain and loneliness I have ever felt. 

I have to do everything alone 😪😕😞
I am weird around people like I have forgotten how to socialise. 
I used to love solitude. It was my happy place. 
That and a smoke. 
I don't smoke anymore. The Lord delivered me from that addiction which I'm greatlful for that. 

I'm failing my children. 
I'm failing myself 
I'm failing in life in general 
I'm not good enough and I am trying so so hard. 

Sorry I have no other outlet for how I feel and I feel I can be open here. No judgment. No one knows me so it's easier. Weird huh. 
I'm so messed up by this whole situation


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I'm just really sorry you have no one to lean on. I do think since you are religious, that you should ask to have a regular appointment with the church counselor just so you have someone to touch base with weekly about how you're feeling and get some of it off your chest and maybe some useful advice as well. You can't just stand alone all the time. Sometimes you need help. Seems like the church is the place who would offer it to you.


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## LivedThroughIt (12 mo ago)

Just-Jennfer said:


> Most probably know from my previous posts that me and my children are going through a really hard time.
> I was reading a book divorce recovery
> Growing and healing gods way and it said something that I felt so deep.
> About how marriage is 2 flesh becoming 1 and how divorce is the splitting of that one flesh.
> ...


Thanks for sharing. I know it’s hard to believe but there is a way through this- and on the other side a life that is potentially even more fulfilling and a reflection of you you are. One of the best resources I found is the divorcée support group called Rebuilding Seminars based on the book called Rebuilding when your realationship ends by Bruce Fisher. Posting in forums like this helps bc most of us can relate to the pain. It’s been over 10 yrs since my divorce and it feels like a different lifetime. You will get through it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I feel for you so much. I remember feeling many of the things that you are. My children didn't see their dad either but for different reasons. 
It was them who kept me putting one foot in front of the other and getting out of bed each day. Yes it's hard, not going to lie to you, but you like me have God and He loves you and treasures you so much. He knows what you are going through and how hard it is. 

Yes it is like a ripping apart, often it feels like physical pain, but it WILL get better in time. 
Please don't ever try and take your own life. My mum committed suicide and believe me your children will never really get over it. Plus you are all they have right now. 

There is light at the end of the tunnel even if it looks dark right now.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I am sorry OP. But do not be afraid. What you feel right now is very common, but that is how I know you will recover from this. You will probably be sad when you think about this and him, but it won't be unbearable. 

The feeling like you will never feel joy again, is a very hopeless one. But it is also a lie. 

The truth is everything in life ends. This is a part of life. 

Please continue to post here, most of us have suffered in some way so we know the pain of loss too.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

you are definately NOT failing your children. I can tell by your angst that you are, quite the contrary, a very stong woman who will eventually see this all through. Yes your children are traumatized by this, but they will heal soon.

we will pray for you.


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## Just-Jennfer (Jan 12, 2022)

Thank you all for your kind words and support.
Super kind all of you.


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## Erudite (Jan 28, 2015)

I understand. Here's the thing though. It's a process. It's ugly. It's messy. And you need to realize that. Some days you are going to be busy and the day will fly by like a pleasant breeze. Some days you are going to fall on your knees when it hits you like a stone. The unpredictability is worse than the actual feelings. You are doing great and you are developing strategies to deal. Get plenty of rest/sleep. The lonely injustice of it all will hit hardest when you are tired.


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## Just-Jennfer (Jan 12, 2022)

Thank you


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