# Non-PIV beats painful sex, but need help with variety.



## Dnsjo (Oct 19, 2015)

After decades of pain-free sex, my wife is having vaginal pain. Neither of us is willing for her to be a martyr and suffer through it, so we're making do until she and her doctor sort it out. It's been a challenge in that we're having to think about technique that isn't intercourse, but we've had some good times and have drawn closer in a way. Getting her off in all sorts of ways is no problem, and at our last encounter, with her on her back and holding me with her hands over her tummy, I was able to crouch over her and pump away to a great finish. (Hope I'm not being too graphic.) Not as great as intercourse, but again, no pain.

Hopefully this won't last forever, but as with PIV, I don't want things to become routine and predictable, so please share and techniques or methods that might help me keep things hot.

Thanks.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

BJ's? Russian, if she's well-endowed? I guess I'll be Captain Obvious and suggest anal, which you can do in any number of positions. That's also a two-way street, if you get her a nice harness (and lose the typical inhibitions, if present).


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## Angel82 (Sep 7, 2015)

If she is opened to it. I would suggest anal too. It personally does nothing for me but when i do on a rare occasions my husband will usually simluate me and its good for both of us.

However, it can be painful and awkward if this is something you havent tried. Use lubricant and slowly proceed til she is more rexlaxed. Also if its a first time thing simulating her before help can make the process easier for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You never hear guys complaining 'all my wife can do is anal and bjs'. My guess is he's bored because hj in different positions is all she's willing to do.


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## Dnsjo (Oct 19, 2015)

She has confirmed to me anal is no go, although I've managed to slip in a finger occasionally (which really intensifies her orgasms). I've actually found a couple of interesting positions on the christiannymphos site (under Outercourse). I guess we're talking about hands, thighs, buns, and breasts serving as substitute vagina for stroking. Looking for beyond the obvious go-to hj/bj.
Thanks.

WoM- did you misunderstand? I'm not trying to cast any of our situation or perspectives in a negative light. We are both staying positive and dealing with it as best we can.


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Dnsjo said:


> She has confirmed to me anal is no go, although I've managed to slip in a finger occasionally (which really intensifies her orgasms). I've actually found a couple of interesting positions on the christiannymphos site (under Outercourse). I guess we're talking about hands, thighs, buns, and breasts serving as substitute vagina for stroking. Looking for beyond the obvious go-to hj/bj.


Again, is anal a no-go in both directions? If so, is this a discomfort issue or a moral/hangup issue? If you're looking for something "non-obvious" that helps YOU get off, and you have not yet explored some flavor of pegging/prostate massage, you have no clue what you're missing and should prepare to have your mind blown.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

How about spooning and putting it between her labia and just rub-up on each other? Think back to when you were a horny kid and couldn't put it inside, what you used to do. 

Also, check on Tantric sex and prolonging the foreplay, to help fulfill the bonding that you might experience during PIV.

You might want to check with a few doctors if this one does not figure out what is going on. If you live in NYC, I know a bunch of great women doctors, who helped me years ago. I could PM them to you.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Dnsjo said:


> She has confirmed to me anal is no go, although I've managed to slip in a finger occasionally (which really intensifies her orgasms). I've actually found a couple of interesting positions on the christiannymphos site (under Outercourse). I guess we're talking about hands, thighs, buns, and breasts serving as substitute vagina for stroking. Looking for beyond the obvious go-to hj/bj.
> Thanks.
> 
> WoM- did you misunderstand? I'm not trying to cast any of our situation or perspectives in a negative light. We are both staying positive and dealing with it as best we can.


Bad pun intended....may I suggest that you also think outside the box.

Seriously, don't forget Labia (inner and outer) most women when arrosed really enjoy all the nerve endings in them getting a nice workout. Also the clitoral hood. 

Even if anal is "off the table" how about the perineum (aka T'aint)?

Finally, remember that the brain is the larges sex organ. Do you or her have any "fetish desires" Sometimes spanking and/or very deep tissue massage is a good way to release feel good sex hormones. Similarly maybe the two of you can work on your developing a foot fetish. 

How about role playing with outercourse completion as a way of turning things up a notch? Say massage/sex worker who provides his/her client with a happy ending? teach/student who administers a spanking, followed by a I hope it didn't hurt too bad, let me hold you and kiss you (or the body part) to make it feel better.

How about getting real kinky and pretend she is a dominatrix and you are her customer. Get a penis pump and have her pump you up to the "size she prefers?" Then allow her to have her way with you in what ever way she finds most amusing? Having her peg you?

Good luck to you and your W. Keep a positive attitude, communicate, share your love for each other and you will get through it.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Can you have oral sex sessions? You give her and then she gives you? She may become interested in trying anal if anal stimulation makes her orgasm more intense. At some point, work more fingers in and see if she likes it. Tell her first of course.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Dnsjo said:


> After decades of pain-free sex, my wife is having vaginal pain. Neither of us is willing for her to be a martyr and suffer through it, so we're making do until she and her doctor sort it out. It's been a challenge in that we're having to think about technique that isn't intercourse, but we've had some good times and have drawn closer in a way. Getting her off in all sorts of ways is no problem, and at our last encounter, with her on her back and holding me with her hands over her tummy, I was able to crouch over her and pump away to a great finish. (Hope I'm not being too graphic.) Not as great as intercourse, but again, no pain.
> 
> Hopefully this won't last forever, but as with PIV, I don't want things to become routine and predictable, so please share and techniques or methods that might help me keep things hot.
> 
> Thanks.



She can give you:

- oiled foot jobs
- oiled breast jobs
- oiled hand jobs
- anal if she's adventurous
- lots of oral on each other but no penetration PIV
- use toys on each other
- she can use a penis sleeve on you
- lotions
- food

Any sexual position you can think of.

No PIV isn't the end of the world. So many other sexual things you can do together.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Why the vaginal pain? Pre-menopausal? Lack of lubrication? Has her doc put her on topical (inside the vagina) hormones?

If so, check into this... "femilift". (There are others called "intimilaze", etc., but they're all the same idea). It is a co2 laser vaginal treatment (same idea behind laser facial skin tightening). My W is heavily considering this now and will likely have it done in a couple months (due to urinary urgency issues and thinning walls). We've been reading about it. Safe, no pain, quick and easy, and no more "invasive" than a gynecological exam. Actual treatment lasts about 5 minutes, and there is no recovery or down time. But not yet covered by med insurance. Runs about $800 to $1k a session, with three sessions being the usual spaced a month apart. We found a place that will do 3 sessions for $2,500, and another that will do 4 sessions for $3k. Not outrageously expensive considering the benefits.

Benefits are increased lubrication, thicker vaginal walls, takes care of urinary incontinence and urgency, and vaginal tightening. Follow up after two or three years (one session a year possibly) will keep things "right" (reportedly). 

And yes, she's tried the kegels, and they have not helped.

Go read the reviews on "real self" website. The women who have had it done are raving about it, and so happy to have a normal, pain free sex life back again, along with the other benefits.

There is one article out there that pops up close to the top of the search engine results, written by (apparently) some militant feminist who says it costs $10k for "very temporary results" and as a procedure being done to "please men". Bullchit. Read the reviews from women who have actually had it done. Could be a real game changer for many women. And without the risks of hormone therapy or surgery.

If there's a "cure" for the non-PIV sex, that's got to be better than a "work around" where "anything but" alternatives are being explored. If she enjoyed it before, I'd bet she's also missing it now.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Also look at the reviews for "Mona Lisa touch" (same idea...co2 laser) on the Real Self website. A few more reviews in there from women who have complained of painful intercourse making sex all but impossible, and something some of these women avoided if at all possible. This has fixed the issue for them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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