# No sex for months



## Benjamin (Jul 10, 2009)

My wife and I have not had sex for many months and I really miss it. The last time we did have it, she had been drinking and I felt like I was taking advantage of her and while I enjoyed it I felt awful in the morning.

I've tried talking to her about it and she explained that she didn't feel sexual anymore, and blamed it on the contraceptive injection, depoprovera. I can completely understand this as I have a background in chemistry and biology and this is a recognised side effect of the drug. What I don't understand is that this time last year we were having fantastic sex, and I felt really. Onnctdd and close to her.
Last year however she was "seeing" someone else, with my permission, but it was only talking, kissing and some touching. I was involved the whole time and was able to say no at any point. 
I don't know what to do as I don't want to bring it up again, it really upset her and put her off having sex with me that night (or any other night I brought it up as she thought I would think that she was only doing it as I was upset about it. 
I don't want to force her into anything but I'm feeling really detached and rejected. I keep telling myself that it's the contraceptive but I'm finding myself more and more doubtful each time. 
She knew what the side effects were and how unhappy I am about the lack of intimacy, it's not just the sex, it's passionate kissing, "sexual" cuddling etc. But she got another dose of it last night. Before everyone goes nuts, we talked about it beforehand as wee are consdering having children but can't afford it at the minute so decided to stay on some form of contraception (we use a condom as well for the mess) I just want her to be happy but not at the expense of my happiness or sanity. 
The most I get is a peck on the cheek or a small hug, I love my wife and really want his to work but need more intimacy. It's making me unhappy, upset (especially in bed at night) and I'm not sleeping properly. I'm also very grouchy at work whereas I used to be very pleasant and reserved. 

Can anyone help?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Your post is a bit scattered. I'd ask that you clarify some things as I understand them?

Your wife is claiming that she has no sexual feelings towards you.

She claims the contraceptive drug she is taking is responsible.

Previously, it appeared that she was highly sexual despite being on the same drug.

At some point last year you either encouraged, or permitted her pursuit of another relationship.

Why was she seeking another relationship and what was your reason for allowing it? Had you behaved in the same manner?
Did your sexual high-point coincide with her extramarital relationship?

I'm guessing that this isn't a new issue. The issue has simply escalated.


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## Benjamin (Jul 10, 2009)

Sorry to clarify,
she doesn't feel sexual about anything, nothing arouses her and she doesn't feel sexy. 

Yes, it was someone she met online from before we met and chatted to. Nothing was secret and I was allowed to read he chat history etc. I did encourage it as I found it arousing. 

This did coincide with the sexual peak. Although somethif has just occurred to me, I did have penile surgery and was not allowed sex for 6 weeks and was advised to avoid arousal. 

Our sex life has always been less than I would have liked (except during the time above) but it was acceptable. Previously we sid have a rough patch but she was under severe stress in her job and was on the edge of a nervous breakdown. she received counselling for this and is "better" for want of, ironically, a better word. 

So, to sum up, sex drive has always been lower than my own except for a period last year. She stopped seeing him bcause she started feeing guilty and was worried that I wasn't really happy with it. 


I did not behave the same way but it would have been acceptable.

Y


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## Spouse (Jul 13, 2009)

So you let her see/kiss another man because it turned you on? I personally don't think there's anything wrong with that but I think people like you and me (science backgrounds) are the only ones who can justify such things to ourselves. Sort of like Einstein justifying having affairs as perfectly OK as long as you don't get caught.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

my sex life sucks but i have absolutely no reason to believe my wife is seeing someone else of fantasizing about it. you on the other hand have the problem right in front of you, she has tasted the forbidden fruit.


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## srena200 (Jul 13, 2009)

It is a natural occurence, my friend - after women see you day in and day out, have to deal with cooking and feeding you every dam night, taking care of the kids, working full time and doing laundry to boot - sex is just another JOB after all that. My husband sits on his ass all day and flips the channel and unless I ask him to fold clothes - he is clueless and useless an dyou think I wanna get with that at the end of the day. Not in the least - SO start to clean, fix her dinner and have her come home to a home cooked meal for a change - do some laundry w/o asking - this....turns a woman on in secret and may make her more interested in you


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

srena200 said:


> It is a natural occurence, my friend - after women see you day in and day out, have to deal with cooking and feeding you every dam night, taking care of the kids, working full time and doing laundry to boot - sex is just another JOB after all that. My husband sits on his ass all day and flips the channel and unless I ask him to fold clothes - he is clueless and useless an dyou think I wanna get with that at the end of the day. Not in the least - SO start to clean, fix her dinner and have her come home to a home cooked meal for a change - do some laundry w/o asking - this....turns a woman on in secret and may make her more interested in you


:scratchhead:, i dont read anywhere in his post that he is in anyway like your husband (which, in your case, i dont blame you for feeling the way you do). it could be that his wife is hormonally imbalanced due to the contraception and just deosnt want sex. nor does she appear to care that they arent having sex. I would have grave concerns about this other guy though.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

Why not try a different form of Birth Control?


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## java (Jan 15, 2009)

Are you sure she isn't still seeing this guy? She could be having an affair with him and has cut you off??? Also, why take a contraceptive (especially one killing the sex drive) if you aren't having sex?


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## MrMarriedman (Mar 4, 2009)

I hate to break it to you but I was/am in a very similar situation. Turns out my wife was in love with another man. Maybe the relationship with the other guy is not over? Have you discussed this with her?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

My thoughts exactly.

Maybe he's the only one not having sex for months.


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