# Men who was the better woman, your mom or your wife?



## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

For me my mom takes this easily. Less selfish and was always happy even though my dad never helped her with anything. My wife is not half the woman she was.my mom was the type that would literally sleep 4 hours a night, never have help with the children yet would always have a smile on her face. Unbelievable person


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I appreciate them in different ways, cause having sex with my mom would be totally inappropriate


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> I appreciate them in different ways, cause having sex with my mom would be totally inappropriate


Yes, I know but you can see the character of individuals. My mom had way a better character than my wife.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

My mom was a way harder worker too. Got home from work and continued to work. Was also a great mother, my wife is a good mother but more selfish.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

This really comes off as "icky". You can't really compare being a son and a husband they are two very different things. Also you may not really know what exactly your dad got as a husband. In my marriage I found it better to concentrate on how to improve the relationship with my wife rather than finding others and elevating them. Concentrate on improvement not hunting for greener pastures.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

why compare them?

My mom had her flaws and my wife has her flaws but they both are caring and great women. All I need to know really


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I suspect this is an attempt to glorify the more traditional marriage model


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

If my BF compared me to his mama, i would be long gone out the door. Aint no body got time fo that! (P.S. He is a mamas boy, but I adore her too!)


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

meson said:


> This really comes off as "icky". You can't really compare being a son and a husband they are two very different things. Also you may not really know what exactly your dad got as a husband. In my marriage I found it better to concentrate on how to improve the relationship with my wife rather than finding others and elevating them. Concentrate on improvement not hunting for greener pastures.


 It's not icky, it is the truth. My mom was great to my dad I don't know about there sex life but she was very patient, always had a smile on her face and a great mother. My dad was not half the father I was, never took my mom any were yet she was still good to him.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

FWIW I do like my wife much better than HER mother


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> I suspect this is an attempt to glorify the more traditional marriage model


It's not an attempt at anything, but I do think the traditional marriage model was better for the family. We have more divorce now and unhappy people than ever in history.


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## Youngster (Sep 5, 2014)

A wife to MIL poll, I wonder if there would be any MIL votes......?


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

Likely its a difference in generations. You can't help the fact that society has changed. I am different from my parents. They had flaws, so do I. But they are old fashioned. I am more open minded. I guess if you wanted Mrs. Cleaver, you should have found her and married her.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Boxing judge said:


> It's not an attempt at anything, but I do think the traditional marriage model was better for the family. We have more divorce now and unhappy people than ever in history.


false

divorce rates are falling

Marriages and Divorces, 1900–2009 | Infoplease.com


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Youngster said:


> A wife to MIL poll, I wonder if there would be any MIL votes......?


I had a conversation about this with some men in their 20's and 30's. The upshot was we generally had got on very well with our wives' and girlfriends' Mums.

I think the jokes might come from a time when the elder generation had higher standards for men than their daughters. Now, it might be the opposite (not a bad thing, perhaps).


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Boxing judge said:


> For me my mom takes this easily. Less selfish and was always happy even though my dad never helped her with anything. My wife is not half the woman she was.my mom was the type that would literally sleep 4 hours a night, never have help with the children yet would always have a smile on her face. Unbelievable person


So basically your mother allowed your father to abuse her, with a smile on her face.... and you admire that.

Yet you do not admire your wife, who is apparently a woman who does not allow herself to be abused.

Your view of what makes a good woman is way off...

Yes your mother was/is a good woman, she would have been an even better woman had she not put up with your father's nonsense.

But your wife is also a good woman. For one thing she does not put up with the abuse.. (like your idea that she should accept sex with no pleasure for her 50% of the time). I'm not surprised that you have little respect for your wife based on your other threads.


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## NWCooper (Feb 19, 2013)

I am curious if you have shared this with your wife, that you don't think she is "half the woman your mother is"?
Because this statement is just....wow!


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Boxing judge said:


> It's not icky, it is the truth. My mom was great to my dad *I don't know about there sex life* but she was very patient, always had a smile on her face and a great mother. My dad was not half the father I was, never took my mom any were yet she was still good to him.


Exactly, if you don't know about their sex life then you REALLY don't know. My FIL confided in me the status of his marriage and it's not something he ever let on to his kids. It was not happy though outwardly everyone smiled. 

Concentrate on improving your marriage instead. Your wife is NOT your mom and never will be.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)




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## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Sounds like someone has mommy issues


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

The temptation would be for many men who have been cheated on by their wives at some stage to vote for their mother. My wife cheated on me at a very early stage in our relationship and though there were reasons, she was and is deeply remorseful for that.

Having said this, in my case, they are too totally different yet equally strong women and I love both of them. Still I have got to say that my wife is my soulmate, partner, best friend and mother of my kids, and I love her, and have vowed to love, care for and protect her always. She has put her life and trust in my hands and for me to vote otherwise would cause me to be ashamed of myself.

My mother was the strongest person I know and though she loved me unconditionally, I can still now say that no one loved me (and loves me) as much as my wife did and does. And this should tell you just how much of a wonderful person she became as we grew stronger together.

So when it comes to the question of who was the better woman, both were equally great and in different ways. Who do I love more - I love them in different ways yet I would tend to say, at this stage in my life, my wife (even though she drives me crazy sometimes).


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Boxing judge said:


> It's not icky, it is the truth. My mom was great to my dad I don't know about there sex life but she was very patient, always had a smile on her face and a great mother. My dad was not half the father I was, never took my mom any were yet she was still good to him.


For all you knew.

But you had the perspective of your mothers child.

No way any woman will ever fit that role for you again, and if you only ever judge the quality of a woman based on your perception of your mother (especially since you have such high regard for her) you will forever be disatisfied in what you find.

Judge people for their own qualities. There are a lot of quality people out there, just as quality as your mother is/was.


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## NWCooper (Feb 19, 2013)

I would also say that if your mother is the kind of woman that you purport her to be, she would be disappointed that you would compare her and your wife and find your wife wanting in that comparison, or that you would compare them at all.


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## Garrett (Sep 6, 2014)

Well, let's see...this is tough.

My mother tried to abandon me at a department store when I was three but the cops found out and she didn't get away with it..
She burned me with an iron multiple times.
She burned my posessions in front of me (like a hockey jersey I got for Christmas) if she got angry. She threw my record player out of the second story window. She broke all of my records in front of me.
Beat me with a brush every morning when she did my hair before school.
Beat me with a 2x4
Knocked out a few of my teeth. (Have crowns now)
Beat me with a bat.
Kicked me out on the streets when I was 15 years old....FOR GOOD. I have been on my own since.
Spit on me.
Called me a scumbag, a loser, told me I would be nothing in life.
She locked me in the basement constantly. Sometimes for days. I would have no idea when I was getting out.
She slit her wrists, took 100 percacet and then jumped out a 2nd story window, IN FRONT OF ME, when I was 14. She didn't die.
Many of the scars on my head are from her splitting my head open. I have had many stiches in my head and mouth because of her. I have a scar on my lip (it's not bad but my beard covers it) because she attacked me with a wire hangar one time and it went thru my lip.

------------------------------------------------------

My wife had an emotional afffair on me.
She calls me all sorts of the same names that my mother called me.
She hit me once.
She is extremely secretive about her life and gets angry and offended if I dare ask any questions about it.
She disrespects me.
She doesn't respect my opinion on anything, says I am bad at everything.
She goes out sometimes for hours and I don't even know where she is. I will finally sometimes get a hold of her around 2 am and she will say she is sleeping in her car and too drunk to drive. Sometimes, she doesn't even come home.

------------------------------------

I may have missed somse things, but:
I guess I'd have to say my wife was the better woman.........

That's not saying much though.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Garrett said:


> Well, let's see...this is tough.
> 
> My mother tried to abandon me at a department store when I was three but the cops found out and she didn't get away with it..
> She burned me with an iron multiple times.
> ...


You married a woman who is like your mother.. only she's the lessor abuser. Apparently you learned to mostly avoid physical abuse. But emotional abuse feel familiar so that's what you married.

Many of us do this. Sure the person acts nice before marriage and even a bit after. But we can feel the vibes off them of the abuser and it feels comfortable.

That's something you need to watch out for and learn to recognize it so that you avoid abusers in the future.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Most every woman was better than my x. No contest in this one


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

Boxing judge said:


> For me my mom takes this easily. Less selfish and was always happy even though my dad never helped her with anything. My wife is not half the woman she was.my mom was the type that would literally sleep 4 hours a night, never have help with the children yet would always have a smile on her face. Unbelievable person


Oh are you one of those men who act put out because you are expected to parent your own kids? 

Sounds like dear Mom was martyr.

Why don't you divorce your wife if she is so bad. Does she know she doesn't measure up to your perfect mother?:scratchhead:


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## Froggi (Sep 10, 2014)

Boxing judge said:


> It's not icky, it is the truth. My mom was great to my dad I don't know about there sex life but she was very patient, always had a smile on her face and a great mother. My dad was not half the father I was, never took my mom any were yet she was still good to him.


How sad that he didn't care enough about her to help with his kids, and take her out. Too bad he was an abuser. And how horrible for her that she didn't have the guts to leave her abuser.

He was a poor example for you, therefore you expect your wife to be a martyr too. Im sorry for you.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

What an absurd question! How would you like it if your wife compared you unfavorably with her father?

As others have noted, the relationships are completely different. You do not negotiate household duties and responsibilities with your mother as you do with your wife. You do not have discussions about how to spend money with your mother. You do not have potential differences in your sexual desires. You do not have to negotiate how to discipline your children with your mother.

You are looking back at your childhood with rose-colored glasses and pining for a time when things seemed clearer and more innocent.

Do not ever share this thought with your wife.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

skype said:


> What an absurd question! How would you like it if your wife compared you unfavorably with her father?
> 
> As others have noted, the relationships are completely different. You do not negotiate household duties and responsibilities with your mother as you do with your wife. You do not have discussions about how to spend money with your mother. You do not have potential differences in your sexual desires. You do not have to negotiate how to discipline your children with your mother.
> 
> ...




People are way toooo sensitive if she said I am not half the man her dad was and if he was a better father and provider I would not get upset.

People are as different as the fingers on our hand. Life is about self improvement and I don't mind honest criticism, I encourage it.


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## Boxing judge (Aug 29, 2014)

skype said:


> What an absurd question! How would you like it if your wife compared you unfavorably with her father?
> 
> As others have noted, the relationships are completely different. You do not negotiate household duties and responsibilities with your mother as you do with your wife. You do not have discussions about how to spend money with your mother. You do not have potential differences in your sexual desires. You do not have to negotiate how to discipline your children with your mother.
> 
> ...


I told my wife openly that she is not half the person my mom is, she will never admit it but she agrees with me.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

skype said:


> What an absurd question! How would you like it if your wife compared you unfavorably with her father?
> 
> As others have noted, the relationships are completely different. You do not negotiate household duties and responsibilities with your mother as you do with your wife. You do not have discussions about how to spend money with your mother. You do not have potential differences in your sexual desires. You do not have to negotiate how to discipline your children with your mother.
> 
> ...



Yep, the good ole days when women knew their place, put out until hubby got his, cooked his dinner, cleaned the house, took care of kids and shut the [email protected] up. And if they had to sleep 4 hours to allow hubby to contribute nothing in the home, she'd do it with a smile on her face, even if her husband was an a$$. Ah, the days when men didn't have to worry about their wives as another human being, she was a servant and prostitute. No wonder his wife is miserable. His mother, on the other hand, knew how to take abuse with a smile on her face.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bridge (Dec 27, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> skype said:
> 
> 
> > What an absurd question! How would you like it if your wife compared you unfavorably with her father?
> ...


Why on earth would you pit your lover against your parent in a zero sum game? They're different people. They do different things for you.... I hope.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Ewww, really?

This comes from an unhealthy place imo. A man who wants his wife to take over from his mother looking after him.

I hope my son doesn't grow up like this. I hope I raise him to grow up and look for a partner, not a replacement Mummy. If he doesn't, I've failed him imo.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: Men who was the better woman, your mom or your wife?*



Boxing judge said:


> I told my wife openly that she is not half the person my mom is, she will never admit it but she agrees with me.


What a sh!tty thing to do to her.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Lon said:


> What a sh!tty thing to do to her.


I agree, it's disgusting. What you said to her says more about you than it does about her. Your wife obviously suffers low self esteem to put up with that crap, and while she's down, it sounds like you like to dig the boot in. I wonder if you've made your mother proud?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> I told my wife openly that she is not half the person my mom is, she will never admit it but she agrees with me.


Aren't you a gem. And you wonder about issues with your wife? Huh.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> false
> 
> divorce rates are falling
> 
> Marriages and Divorces, 1900–2009 | Infoplease.com



Is Everybody Single? More Than Half the U.S. Now, Up From 37% in '76 - Bloomberg

Something is going on. That's for sure.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> I told my wife openly that she is not half the person my mom is, she will never admit it but she agrees with me.




How the heck are you still married? :scratchhead:


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Boxing judge said:


> For me my mom takes this easily. Less selfish and was always happy even though my dad never helped her with anything. My wife is not half the woman she was.my mom was the type that would literally sleep 4 hours a night, never have help with the children yet would always have a smile on her face. Unbelievable person


People here are going to be struggling with their marriage, so this is hardly the place for a reasonable comparison. Also, I am not sure such a comparison is helpful. Essentially, it can come too close to who cared for you most, which is going to be you Mum.

Also, comparing your wife to other wives does not seem useful to me. It would be good perhaps for husbands who think their successful marriages is a reason to be smug, but that is it.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Honestly, I don't see why you would even be comparing your wife and your mother. Two completely different relationships with completely different expectations from each woman.

:scratchhead:


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> false
> 
> divorce rates are falling
> 
> Marriages and Divorces, 1900â€“2009 | Infoplease.com


The divorce rates were way lower before 1970, then skyrocketed. Any drop of in the rates of divorce recently seem to be in line with the falling marriage rate.

Look at 1965. The marriage "rate" was 9.3, the divorce rate 2.5. Now look at 2009. The marriage rate was only 6.8, but divorce rate is 3.5.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I can't argue with that as stats aren't always the complete picture

however, just because divorce rates were lower didn't mean that people were happier, societal pressure against divorce was much higher and many people stayed in loveless, sexless, and abusive marriages as a result


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> I can't argue with that as stats aren't always the complete picture
> 
> however, just because divorce rates were lower didn't mean that people were happier, societal pressure against divorce was much higher and many people stayed in loveless, sexless, and abusive marriages as a result


What the hell does that mean? Loveless, sexless and abusive? :scratchhead:

You mean those are the only reasons folks get divorced or something else?


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

♪Oedipus, Oedipus, Oed-i-pus ♪ 

(Sung to the tune of Rock Me Amadeus by Falco).

Honestly OP, you sound like an abuser. Why on earth would you tell your wife that she's not half the woman your mom is unless to inflict pain? Surely you didn't think this would motivate her to be a better wife to you? And from what I could tell from your posts, that's not necessarily a bad thing. 

It might cost you a few thousand dollars but if you want a woman with no mind of her own, who doesn't need to be on the recieving-end of pleasure when it comes to sex and intimacy, that is ALWAYS smiling and never argues. Why not divorce your wife and buy a _real doll_? She might not be able to cook for you and clean the house unfortunately but save breaking down a woman by abuse and ruining her life to shape her into your ideals, it's as close to your ideal as you're going to get.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> You mean those are the only reasons folks get divorced or something else?


Before no-fault divorce you had to prove from a specific list of reasons you wanted a divorce (or annulment) and the list was pretty slim. Originally it was all controlled by the Church, but when divorce/marriage was more secularized, the reasons for divorce were heavily influenced by Christian moral expectations. 

So yes - for long periods of time one didn't get legally divorced, you just went out for a pack of cigarettes and didn't come home. Come on, have you never heard, "Slip Out the Back Jack?" None of the options listed there were "pursue legal divorce" it was all about just like finding a way to skip town. 

And your wife waited out the period of time until she could divorce you by default by having you declared a permanently missing person or legally dead. Or you stayed legally married but lived apart, sometimes while starting entire second families and relationships while still being technically married.

This whole "people didn't get divorced" thing is - people might have gotten legally divorced less, but there were still creative ways of getting away from a marriage.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> For me my mom takes this easily. Less selfish and was always happy even though my dad never helped her with anything. My wife is not half the woman she was.my mom was the type that would literally sleep 4 hours a night, never have help with the children yet would always have a smile on her face. Unbelievable person


My husband inferred something like this to me once - I asked him when he wanted to move back in with his mother and sign papers.

Also, your mom might have been self-medicating. A bottle of chardonnay or some Xanax really does wonders in making mundane chores and a hollow existence (at least temporarily seem) exciting.

OP, have you asked your Mom yet if Dad expected her to not O because it's just so damn inconvenient? Have you ever asked her when's the last time they had sex? Maybe that's the trade off between your parents, she works endlessly and expects no help, but whenever the last of your siblings was made might have been the last time they had sex. 

Would you be okay with that?

That's certainly how it worked with my in-laws. Sure she does all the domestics, never had help with the kids, and even now he won't buy her a dishwasher because it would cut into his Mustang payment, and they never go out on dates (and never have) but that's cool because at 40 she shut that train down. (She told me as much once - she wanted no children after 40, and they don't believe in BC.)


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Boxing judge said:


> I told my wife openly that she is not half the person my mom is, she will never admit it but she agrees with me.


I pity your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garrett (Sep 6, 2014)

Thread=derailed much?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> So basically your mother allowed your father to abuse her, with a smile on her face.... and you admire that.
> 
> Yet you do not admire your wife, who is apparently a woman who does not allow herself to be abused.
> 
> ...


Hit the nail on the head, EleGirl.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> Before no-fault divorce you had to prove from a specific list of reasons you wanted a divorce (or annulment) and the list was pretty slim. Originally it was all controlled by the Church, but when divorce/marriage was more secularized, the reasons for divorce were heavily influenced by Christian moral expectations.
> 
> So yes - for long periods of time one didn't get legally divorced, you just went out for a pack of cigarettes and didn't come home. Come on, have you never heard, "Slip Out the Back Jack?" None of the options listed there were "pursue legal divorce" it was all about just like finding a way to skip town.
> 
> ...


I don't remember anyone talking about any of that. There were few divorces...zero that I know of in my family on either side. Maybe that is why? Maybe it had more to do with the wife getting nothing if she left? Maybe skipping out the back was done so that the husband didn't have to pay child support of any kind? None was enforced, neither was alimony except maybe for the wealthy.

ETA: Thank you for the explanation.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

My mother grew up near a family where the mother had the stuffing beat out of her regularly. The woman detested her husband and had tried to leave but had no support from anyone. There was no where to go and she couldn't earn enough money to look after her children on her own. Nana said she had been pretty when she married him. He beat her so bad she had teeth missing and looked like hell before long.

My Nana left my Grandfather for a while. She tried to get a loan from a bank in order to buy a house. Unfortunately she only earned half the wage of the men working at the same job and the bank wouldn't give her a loan unless a man co-signed it. She went back.

You had to go to court and prove your spouse was an adulterer to get a divorce at one stage. Finally this was changed and women left their husbands in droves apparently. Those who could afford to anyway.

Someone above said maybe the divorce rates were lower because there were fewer options for people back then. Yep, I'd say that was a big reason.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

So, today, most of the women getting a divorce are doing so to get away from an abusive husband?

That would put abusive husbands in the majority of the population. I find that tough to believe. I know of no one in my family that beat their wife and knocked teeth out and made her appearance change. That's awful. I can't seem to accept that it was normal.


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## CoralReef (Jul 1, 2014)

It sounds like someone could benefit more from a website called talkaboutmommies.com rather than TAM.

At talkaboutmommies.com repressed and abusive men could gather and talk about how much of a successful doormat their moms were and lament that there wives refuse to grin and bear it despite poor treatment. 

Since mommy is of course the primary relationship for these types of men, they could also visit talkaboutmommies.com to talk about how to strengthen their bonds with their moms and how to respond when their moms were giving someone other than them more attention and energy.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Something is fishy about that last post.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

> So, today, most of the women getting a divorce are doing so to get away from an abusive husband?
> 
> That would put abusive husbands in the majority of the population. I find that tough to believe. I know of no one in my family that beat their wife and knocked teeth out and made her appearance change. That's awful. I can't seem to accept that it was normal.


Not sure anyone implied that "today most of the women getting a divorce are doing so to get away from an abusive husband."

I think maybe today, most women no longer feel socially pressured or obligated to be the self-sacrificing martyr that OP accolades and might *shock* actually be thinking about their own happiness and desires rather than purely existing to make other people happy. 

As for whether or not wife beating was ever "normal" - it was once codified as acceptable within the law. And it was only relatively recently that all states defined spousal rape. So - yes, thoughts on this have definitely changed.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I considered my mother the best mother in the world. Truly.

I consider my wife the best wife in the world. Truly.

Thankfully I don't have to choose.

Poll DENIED.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

2ntnuf said:


> So, today, most of the women getting a divorce are doing so to get away from an abusive husband?
> 
> That would put abusive husbands in the majority of the population. I find that tough to believe. I know of no one in my family that beat their wife and knocked teeth out and made her appearance change. That's awful. I can't seem to accept that it was normal.


Nope, didn't say that, and I gave a number of reasons why women may not have divorced in the past. No one in my family had their teeth knocked out either, it was a neighbouring family. My Nana tried to leave Granddad for other reasons; more the type of reasons people come here, lack of love etc, but wasn't able to make it on her own.

Lucky many people these days have more choices. Not many women have a clue about why they even have those choices now. They sit back and moan about not having a door opened for them and wish for the good old days. They really haven't got a clue.

Anyway, rant over. Back to Mommy's Boy Poll.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Boxing judge said:


> For me my mom takes this easily. Less selfish and was always happy even though my dad never helped her with anything. My wife is not half the woman she was.my mom was the type that would literally sleep 4 hours a night, never have help with the children yet would always have a smile on her face. Unbelievable person


A question like this.. the way you phrased it..will always get slamming responses.. 

You admitted in 3 sentences.... Your wife is blanket "selfish"...implies she expects you to help her around the house.. Question...*Does she work outside the home ? * I assume your mother didn't so it would have been easier for her back in the day to not need a husband's help...

Most women are not super woman & need to sleep more than 4 hours a night, this has to be an exaggeration... I can sleep on this once in a while but it's not healthy...and I know this.. 

You have painted yourself very badly on this thread...



Boxing judge said:


> I told my wife openly that she is not half the person my mom is, she will never admit it but she agrees with me.


I think it's Ok to use examples of things you may want to see in our spouses if expressed in a respectful way.. but to put her down like this.. it's very cutting....and demeaning....this is very hurtful.... I also can imagine her coming back with a response to compare YOU to something...

Why did you marry this woman who is so different from your ideal - if I may ask? 



lifeistooshort said:


> Yep, the good ole days when women knew their place, put out until hubby got his, cooked his dinner, cleaned the house, took care of kids and shut the [email protected] up. And if they had to sleep 4 hours to allow hubby to contribute nothing in the home, she'd do it with a smile on her face, even if her husband was an a$$. Ah, the days when men didn't have to worry about their wives as another human being, she was a servant and prostitute. No wonder his wife is miserable. His mother, on the other hand, knew how to take abuse with a smile on her face.


 How do we know that his Father abused his mother.. this is assuming...or maybe I missed the post that hinted to some form of abuse...

We live a more old fashioned lifestyle , by choice, I mostly do have a  on my face..... My husband is not in any way an abuser though.... I do all the cooking, clean the house, and keep our family organized, we wanted a larger family and this works very well....though he helps with their homework.. he's just better at it...and doesn't mind.... 

I enjoy serving my husband, he would never hurt me or disrespect me....and if I was sick or needed help, he would go out of his way to pitch in.. but it's not needed in our every day life....

I am very thankful we can afford this lifestyle.. it is what we both wanted from early on......he benefits from my taking care of the home front...and I benefit from all he brings, while his income has supported our larger family...our roles are very different...but we take pride in them.. 

He really didn't give enough details to his parents life ... or his own with his wife (to what he contributes with a  on his face, if anything) to contrast the real differences.... most of this thread has run on pure assumptions...


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Starstarfish said:


> Not sure anyone implied that "today most of the women getting a divorce are doing so to get away from an abusive husband."
> 
> I think maybe today, most women no longer feel socially pressured or obligated to be the self-sacrificing martyr that OP accolades and might *shock* actually be thinking about their own happiness and desires rather than purely existing to make other people happy.
> 
> As for whether or not wife beating was ever "normal" - it was once codified as acceptable within the law. And it was only relatively recently that all states defined spousal rape. So - yes, thoughts on this have definitely changed.


I think women were always thinking about their happiness. I think they just sought happiness in a different way. I think there was less thinking that men were the enemy and more that through a concerted combined effort happiness for both would be found and it would be a more satisfying happiness.

Codified as acceptable law in the United States? Can you provide a link? That seems odd that the U.S. would state clearly in legal language, that wives/women could be beaten with impunity whenever the feelings arose.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

2ntnuf said:


> Codified as acceptable law in the United States? Can you provide a link? That seems odd that the U.S. would state clearly in legal language, that wives/women could be beaten with impunity whenever the feelings arose.


I don't think there was *actually* a rule of thumb law, as we all know it referred to, I believe that's a myth, however, I think it came from it being so common place to tolerate such domestic violence at the time. Violence was actually more tolerated than most other crimes in all forms though. Unearthing old cases revealed that a man was beaten and had his earnings stolen. He feared for his life but escaped. The perpetrators were severely punished for the theft, but nothing was said or done about the beating. That was not considered a crime worth bothering about. I think as society evolves, violence is becoming less acceptable overall, which I for one, am happy about.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Yeah, I didn't think so. Lots of false information and beliefs out there. I doubt it was a common as most would like to think. It's a shame we can't just be honest. When something is as wrong as DV, there is no reason to justify fair laws.


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