# How Would You Describe This Kind of Guy?



## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."

How would you describe this kind of guy?


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

Selfish, likely has a few personality quirks, and is headed for a lonely existence in old age - if he gets there.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Someone who probably expects physical perfection in women and isn’t supportive emotionally. Doesn’t care about people


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

A MALE FAIRY TALE
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"
The Princess immediately said, "No!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to girly bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard *****ing and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and assets, and ate spam and potato chips and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.
The End.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Quite the fictional story


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Add the he is raising three kids on his own and I know somebody just like that.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

A guy who has decided not to date women?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Guy stuck in his 20s. Dates girls with daddy issues and has no deep connection to anyone putting on a good fascade. Others see the sad creeper vibe


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

ShatteredKat said:


> Selfish, likely has a few personality quirks, and is headed for a lonely existence in old age - if he gets there.


How is he selfish? If he is having sex when he wants, it is because there is somebody who is giving it to him when he wants it. As long as he is honest with her about the arrangement. 

If no woman wants him, or he wishes a permanent single life, as long as he lives a life of honour and doesn't hurt anybody, I wish him well.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ShatteredKat said:


> Selfish, likely has a few personality quirks, and is headed for a lonely existence in old age - if he gets there.


And why do people think that if someone decides not to be a relationship they are going to have a "lonely existence in old age"? If you need another person to justify your existence then you have much bigger problems then the person who is single.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He smiles and says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


If he's genuinely happy, then I'd describe him as "happy". However in my personal experience, men who self describe as you did are usually hiding something. In the cases that I know, a few have intense anger towards women, a few are closet bi sexual/gay, one is a sociopath (clinical), and the others have just not had much luck with women and have just given up on that front.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

What is even more interesting the the amount of people who believe that being in a relationship is a necessity to be a good person. That if someone chooses not to be that makes them a bed person with something "wrong" with them. SMH Amazing!


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I would describe him as fictitious. I have heard my friends say some of those things, I may have even said some of them myself at one time in my life. But.....never with a smile on my face. I have only heard men talk like that after being hurt badly or disappointed by their relationship. Eventually, like most adults they realize it was a bad experience and move on with their lives with a more positive outlook. All of my friends who have spoken like that at one time, eventually found another long term partner or even a spouse. They didn't get into these relationships because they had to, they did it because they wanted to.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He smiles and says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


Living in the world, for the world and probably super selfish.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Thought of another name for this type of guy. Poser. The thing is, if you’re genuinely okay being single, you don’t need to go looking for sex do you? Idk. I’m single, not having sex.. so I want to be single? Maybe apart of me does, but do I want to have sex? Yep, want that too, I don’t want it outside of a relationship/marriage with someone. I really don’t want it outside of marriage, yet I know in 2023 that’s going to be a hard thing to find.

Anyhow, most want companionship and I think the man you’re describing is probably hiding/choking something down to put in such a perfect front.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Thought of another name for this type of guy. Poser. The thing is, if you’re genuinely okay being single, you don’t need to go looking for sex do you? Idk. I’m single, not having sex.. so I want to be single? Maybe apart of me does, but do I want to have sex? Yep, want that too, I don’t want it outside of a relationship/marriage with someone. I really don’t want it outside of marriage, yet I know in 2023 that’s going to be a hard thing to find.
> 
> Anyhow, most want companionship and I think the man you’re describing is probably hiding/choking something down to put in such a perfect front.


Men still need release, even if they don't sense a need for a relationship.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Let me get this straight. A man who doesn't want to be in a relationship; is raising 3 kids, is successful in his businesses, is happy in his friends and family, has his hobbies, travels and is healthier then he has ever been is super selfish because he doesn't want a LTR?

Not only does that sound like you are selling codependency but it is also completely ludicrous. NOBODY, man or woman, needs to have someone in their life just to not be considered, lesser.

My big question is why people are so adamant about pushing relationships?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Let me get this straight. A man who doesn't want to be in a relationship; is raising 3 kids, is successful in his businesses, is happy in his friends and family, has his hobbies, travels and is healthier then he has ever been is super selfish because he doesn't want a LTR?
> 
> Not only does that sound like you are selling codependency but it is also completely ludicrous. NOBODY, man or woman, needs to have someone in their life just to not be considered, lesser.
> 
> My big question is why people are so adamant about pushing relationships?


Well, when you word it like that it sounds like a healthy well adjusted individual that is choosing to enjoy being single. The way the OP worded it in my opinion made it sound like an unhappy guy, that probably doesn't like women very much and gets like zero sex. That's how I read it....but its just my opinion of course.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ReformedHubby said:


> Well, when you word it like that it sounds like a healthy well adjusted individual that is choosing to enjoy being single. The way the OP worded it in my opinion made it sound like an unhappy guy, that probably doesn't like women very much and gets like zero sex. That's how I read it....but its just my opinion of course.


I can honestly say that I am happier being single and with how my life is now then I ever was when I was married (and I considered my marriage good up until the end).


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

ReformedHubby said:


> Well, when you word it like that it sounds like a healthy well adjusted individual that is choosing to enjoy being single. The way the OP worded it in my opinion made it sound like an unhappy guy, that probably doesn't like women very much and gets like zero sex. That's how I read it....but its just my opinion of course.


Exactly.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

UAArchangel said:


> Men still need release, even if they don't sense a need for a relationship.


Oh they NEED it? It’s a need they just have to have? Lol


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'll tell you what. 

This guy sounds very happy. So what if he doesn't want a relationship right now? Some responders have labelled him "selfish" 🤣🤣🤣🤣 SELFISH because he isn't interested in a relationship right now. Say what????? That's a twisted assessment. Are people who don't want children selfish, too? 🤣🤣🤣 Are people who don't want pets selfish, too? 🤣🤣 Are people who want to live in apartments and not buy homes selfish? I could go on and on but I won't. 

And he sounds a bazillion zillion million times happier than a ton of people who come to this forum describing their relationship/marriage problems. Completely miserable, horrible marriages with partners treating them in awful nasty rotten ways. YUCK.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Numb26 said:


> What is even more interesting the the amount of people who believe that being in a relationship is a necessity to be a good person. That if someone chooses not to be that makes them a bed person with something "wrong" with them. SMH Amazing!


Being in a relationship is not a necessity but in my opinion, those men who've elected to never enter into a relationship make me suspicious. 

As far as men who have had relationships and now choose to avoid them, I agree with @ReformedHubby. The men I know who say that are usually covering up their hurt. 

I know plenty of men who are truly happy with their lives, have an extended social network, and are living their best life. The difference with them and the OP description as that these men are open to a relationship with someone equally as happy as they are. They haven't closed themselves off to romantic connections in the least.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Lila said:


> Being in a relationship is not a necessity but in my opinion, those men who've elected to never enter into a relationship make me suspicious.
> 
> As far as men who have had relationships and now choose to avoid them, I agree with @ReformedHubby. The men I know who say that are usually covering up their hurt.
> 
> I know plenty of men who are truly happy with their lives, have an extended social network, and are living their best life. The difference with them and the OP description as that these men are open to a relationship with someone equally as happy as they are. They haven't closed themselves off to romantic connections in the least.


This right here is what I did not relay in my previous post. But I concur here totally.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Lila said:


> Being in a relationship is not a necessity but in my opinion, those men who've elected to never enter into a relationship make me suspicious.
> 
> As far as men who have had relationships and now choose to avoid them, I agree with @ReformedHubby. The men I know who say that are usually covering up their hurt.
> 
> I know plenty of men who are truly happy with their lives, have an extended social network, and are living their best life. The difference with them and the OP description as that these men are open to a relationship with someone equally as happy as they are. They haven't closed themselves off to romantic connections in the least.


You can be suspicious of me all you want but it won't change my level of happiness.  You are still equating not wanting to be in a relationship as being "lesser", can you tell me why you think this? Why do you believe that someone needs to be in a relationship?


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I guess it would depend on whether the guy was actually getting laid or just full of it. I've known virgins who talked like that.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> You can be suspicious of me all you want but it won't change my level of happiness.  You are still equating not wanting to be in a relationship as being "lesser", can you tell me why you think this? Why do you believe that someone needs to be in a relationship?


If you’ve truly reached that level of happiness, why does matter what we think or why? Being skeptical is simply human nature. Our skepticism doesn’t affect your MO though as you said. You be happy and we’ll be skeptics 😁 no harm no foul.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Wow. So much shade thrown at a guy for living his life on his terms ... successful and single.

I'd describe OP's hypothetical as 'admirable'. Rock on my guy. Rock on.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Admittedly I was skeptical of the guy the OP described. My mind created a mental picture of that person we all know that says they are happy but really isn't. The gender opposite would be the "fulfilled woman" that doesn't want kids and never needed a husband, yet reminds everyone about it so much that it comes across as inauthentic. Not sure why my mind created that mental construct but it did. I of course believe there are happy single men.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

ReformedHubby said:


> Admittedly I was skeptical of the guy the OP described. My mind created a mental picture of that person we all know that says they are happy but really isn't. The gender opposite would be the "fulfilled woman" that doesn't want kids and never needed a husband, yet reminds everyone about it so much that it comes across as inauthentic. Not sure why my mind created that mental construct but it did. I of course believe there are happy single men.


That’s where my brain went too.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He smiles and says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


 this guy is now working with us he does not want a relationship , I think he is more honest that the ones that wert a relationship and still wants to live the single lifestyle behind the back of the girl 
when two consenting people do behind doors for me is their affairs ,
the women that he takes out know he is not the type to settle and no one is fooling anyone ,
he is a lad / A kind of bad boy , without playing the saint and saying he what he is not 

My experience for this guy is he is he is more respectful of women then many other guys like the one we have working he looks at every girl and talks about them like beef on heels but when his live in girlfriend is on the phone to him he becomes the boy , even the bad boy has remarked to him about how he talks about women behind the gf back


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Numb26 said:


> You can be suspicious of me all you want but it won't change my level of happiness.  You are still equating not wanting to be in a relationship as being "lesser", can you tell me why you think this? Why do you believe that someone needs to be in a relationship?


I don't expect my feelings to have any affect on anyone else's level of happiness but understand that my experiences have led me to those feelings. 

I don't think of anyone as "lesser" for not wanting to be in a relationship. Nor do people HAVE to be in a relationship to be content in life. 

I do think needs like intimacy can only be met within the confines of a relationship. Sex is just sex but intimacy involves vulnerability and emotional connection in a romantic context. I feel people who say are happy to have their sexual needs met casually but they don't want relationships are either fearful of intimacy or great at compartmentalizing their life. Doesn't make them "lesser" but it does make me think that intentionally or not, it's a coping mechanism for underlying "issues" (can't think of a better word).


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

ReformedHubby said:


> Admittedly I was skeptical of the guy the OP described. My mind created a mental picture of that person we all know that says they are happy but really isn't. The gender opposite would be the "fulfilled woman" that doesn't want kids and never needed a husband, yet reminds everyone about it so much that it comes across as inauthentic. Not sure why my mind created that mental construct but it did. I of course believe there are happy single men.


I think the same about our bad boy but then think it is just his lifestyle does not fit me ,but I have nothing against him one of the nicest guys on the team 

I think he is happy and I think he has been hurt but a girl or girls before 
and finds it best to be as he is now not tied down has his friends and makes friends fast 

there are men and women out there that don't want our life and why on 
same as my BIL and his wife never wanted kids , it was their choose not to have a child same as other BIL has only one child and we only wanted to have a small family but others younger that us want to have 8 or more


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Lila said:


> I don't expect my feelings to have any affect on anyone else's level of happiness but understand that my experiences have led me to those feelings.
> 
> I don't think of anyone as "lesser" for not wanting to be in a relationship. Nor do people HAVE to be in a relationship to be content in life.
> 
> I do think needs like intimacy can only be met within the confines of a relationship. Sex is just sex but intimacy involves vulnerability and emotional connection in a romantic context. I feel people who say are happy to have their sexual needs met casually but they don't want relationships are either fearful of intimacy or great at compartmentalizing their life. Doesn't make them "lesser" but it does make me think that intentionally or not, it's a coping mechanism for underlying "issues" (can't think of a better word).


That explanation I understand.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

ShatteredKat said:


> Selfish, likely has a few personality quirks, and is headed for a lonely existence in old age - if he gets there.


He’s the opposite of selfish. How many men (or women) get married that have no intention of fidelity? He’s not lying to anyone, including himself. How is that selfish? He’s just a bachelor. Is an unmarried woman to be considered selfish? He sounds happy to me. What a shame that now people are judged for being happy and single. I wonder how many who would judge his decision are unhappy themselves.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He smiles and says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


It could be a covered schizoid.




snowbum said:


> Someone who probably expects physical perfection in women and isn’t supportive emotionally. Doesn’t care about people


Perfectly said. That would be a fairly good and brief discription of a covered schizoid. 

Charly from two and a half men and the actual Charly Shean are examples of covered schizoid personality. 
Important are also the parents. Evilyn (the mother in the series) is a typical abusive mother, that traumatised her children by emotional neglect (herself being a covered schizoid). 

...I know I mention this trait all the time, but it is not an uncommon trait in people and a lot of relationship issues arise from this type of personality. Making them top five of reasons why people complain and being confused about their relationships.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

If true, and I have no reason to doubt it, my question is...why do the women he sleeps with accept the ''no relationship'' aspect of being with him?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

OnTheFly said:


> If true, and I have no reason to doubt it, my question is...why do the women he sleeps with accept the ''no relationship'' aspect of being with him?


Assuming this is strictly for sex, there are only two answers: 1) the sexual compatibility is off the charts or 2) he's a generous benefactor a.k.a $$$.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

So now if a man just has sexual relations with a woman without having a relationship with her he is a sociopath??? Wow. Ok, I'm out of this convo. It's gone off the deep end.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

As I ponder more about why I felt the way I did about the hypothetical bachelor, I guess my life is the opposite, even though I could easily choose to live as the bachelor does. When I got divorced I thought that was the lifestyle I would choose. I even got the feeling that my married friends were hoping to live vicariously through my adventures. I must say I have been quite the disappointment. Once I actually entered the dating world the notion of going through my life having random encounters or serial FWBs was very unappealing. It just seemed empty to me. So when I found someone I really liked, I decided to commit. While I am fine alone, if I look at my life as a whole, its more fulfilling when I have an intimate partner to share it with.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Numb26 said:


> So now if a man just has sexual relations with a woman without having a relationship with her he is a sociopath??? Wow. Ok, I'm out of this convo. It's gone off the deep end.


You have really taken my comment out of context. I know ONE guy who has Antisocial Personality Disorder (also know as Sociopathy) who describes himself in the way of the OP. 

Not all men who choose to not enter into relationships with women are Sociopaths but there are Sociopaths who choose to avoid relationships with women.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Lila said:


> You have really taken my comment out of context. I know ONE guy who has Antisocial Personality Disorder (also know as Sociopathy) who describes himself in the way of the OP.
> 
> Not all men who choose to not enter into relationships with women are Sociopaths but there are Sociopaths who choose to avoid relationships with women.


Wasn't your post I was commenting on. Your post made a sensible answer.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He smiles and says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


Self aware


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Lila said:


> Assuming this is strictly for sex, there are only two answers: 1) the sexual compatibility is off the charts or 2) he's a generous benefactor a.k.a $$$.


I'll buy both those answers for a dollar. I probably fall on the 'demi-sexual' spectrum, so this ''manner of living'' is a literal mystery to me in theory and practice.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He smiles and says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


My mind tends to make a funny out of everything and I’d say this guy just hasn’t met the one who knocks his damn socks off lol! There will always be women out there who can take guys like this down. They just need to cross paths.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

OnTheFly said:


> I'll buy both those answers for a dollar. I probably fall on the 'demi-sexual' spectrum, so this ''manner of living'' is a literal mystery to me in theory and practice.


Thing is this scenario in one form or another is floated a lot in different forms. But I simply don't know any women over 30 living the lifestyle that would make all this NSA sex possible. They aren't out having sex without the intention of a relationship. So assuming the guy is divorced as stated and over 30 it makes it improbable. I guess if you were very rich or famous or something it could happen but most women are seeking a relationship. 
So I guess I don't buy the premise of he's not lying to any of them.

But if you take the premise at face value. Great he's happy. I'd give him the description of **** boy. 
It's a fact every man is not suitable to every woman and vice versa. It is important to not try to force a square peg into a round hole. I and my friends wouldn't date him and that's ok because he's just not for us.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Not said:


> My mind tends to make a funny out of everything and I’d say this guy just hasn’t met the one who knocks his damn socks off lol! There will always be women out there who can take guys like this down. They just need to cross paths.


Honestly I think the OP's bachelor describes most men I knew in my 20s, fast forward ten years most of us were married.

Edited: Except we were all broke in our 20s!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

gameopoly5 said:


> A MALE FAIRY TALE
> Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"
> The Princess immediately said, "No!"
> And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished and raced cars, and went to girly bars and dated ladies half his age and drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan, and never heard *****ing and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and kept his house and assets, and ate spam and potato chips and never got cheated on while he was at work, and all his friends and family thought he was friggin' cool as hell, and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up.
> The End.


People laugh, but I've seen it with my own eyes. 

I even kind of lived it for awhile. I didn't marry until my early 30s, which is not unusual at all now, but in the early 90s in Small-Town Midwest, it was the exception. And yes, people thought I was some kind of player or that I was immature or "selfish" etc etc and wondered what was wrong with me. 

But in my early 30s I did marry the long-legged, former teen model and pageant contestant hottie. And now over 25 years later I am the bald, pot bellied, beat down, betatized schlep that always puts the toilet seat down and all my money goes college tuition (but I've still managed to hold on to the motorcycles and guns despite the snears and grumbled comments under her breath )

Conversely, I guy that I went to high school with still is that prince in the story above. In his upper 50s now, he has always been single, has the big Harley and the boat and the classic muscle cars. He is tall, fit, good looking, outgoing, full sleeve tattoos and every weekend is posting pictures of the hotties half his age in bikinis on his boat. 

I do not believe he has ever fathered any children so no child support. I think he was married for a handful of months or maybe a year or so in his 30s but they did not have kids and she was a lawyer or something so no alimony. 

Cont.....


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

I guess it works for people who only care what people look like or the things they possess. Babes are there for the $$$ even though he ms convinced he’s a sex good. Most women aren’t into men twice their age but are into money. I also think wanting people 1/2 your age is indicative of fear of aging/ insecurity.

Why would women want a bad boy who’s going to use and lose them?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> Conversely, I guy that I went to high school with still is that prince in the story above. In his upper 50s now, he has always been single, has the big Harley and the boat and the classic muscle cars. He is tall, fit, good looking, outgoing, full sleeve tattoos and every weekend is posting pictures of the hotties half his age in bikinis on his boat.
> 
> I do not believe he has ever fathered any children so no child support. I think he was married for a handful of months or maybe a year or so in his 30s but they did not have kids and she was a lawyer or something so no alimony.
> 
> Cont.....


So, it sounds like many of the people here would claim that he is "selfish" and immature and a Peter Pan etc etc or that he was some kind of playa' hustling all these naive young girls. 

But, while he no doubt has had a lot of hook ups and FWBs etc over the years, I would say that what has predominantly been taking place is he has been having a string of moreless normal dating relationships where each just kind of goes on about their business after all the NRE and fun times wear off. As he is not in it for kids and home and family etc, once the shine and new relationship smell wears off, they each move on. 

So does that mean he has a string of broken dreams and damage and bitterness and repeatedly broken heart again and again and again and now there debris pile of all these scorned and embittered women that hate him and are sticking pins in his voodoo doll every night?? 

No, not at all. He is still on friendly terms with them just as I am on friendly terms with all of my old GFs and FWBs and such from my single days. 

Does he feel pain and sadness when those serial relationships end and they each move on? Yes. Yes, he does. 

Just as I did when I was single and dating as well. 

But what he has avoided is feeling the pain and saddness when the good relationship has ended AND THEN STAYING IN IT. 

So the tale of two 58 year old men here is, for the past 30 years he has had a string of good relationships with a bunch of hot women and then had a string of break ups where he cried in his beer and into his pillow for a few nights and then moved on to the next good relationship with another hottie until the shine and new car smell wore off on the next,, and so on and so on. 

I on the other hand, married a hottie in her 20s while I was in my 30s, had a great sex life for many years, had a good home and family life until that shine and new car smell turned into burning oil and leaky exhaust smell and he shiny paint is now rusted and chipped. And instead of crying in my beer and in my pillow for a matter of days, weeks, months until the next young hottie comes into the picture, It's been years that have been here whining and moaning and carrying on about my woes. 

So I can say I've had a great marriage for 20 years and that is the truth. The problem is I've been married for over 25 LOL  

cont..


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

cont...

So I kind of see this as like buying vs leasing a car. 

When you buy a car, you generally see it as a long term commitment. On an intellectual level you know there will be maintenance and repairs. You know it will break down along the side of the road some day. You know that it will lose much of it's value over time. You know that newer models will come out with better performance and new features and new gadgets and gizmos. But a part of you digs the shine and the new car smell and you really like it and you know you want and you picture yourself driving it for a long long time, and you tell yourself if you keep up on the maintenance and oil changes and take of it, it will last you a good long time. 

And then there is the lease. The lease you pay a little less up front (some times a lot less upfront) and you pay a smaller monthly payment and somebody else deals with any break downs and major repairs for the term of the lease. You drive a shiny new car with that new car smell that is in brand new perfect running order. 

But you know going into it, that the lease term will expire in a few years. You get to drive it hassle free for a few years and then you either turn it back in drive off with another shiny current model with all the newer features and gadgets in perfect working order without the big down payment and bigger monthly payment of buying a new car.

There may be a little lament in saying good bye to a nice car that has served you well and hassle free for the last few years. But that sadness goes away quickly when you drive off with the brand new shiny new lease with the new car smell.

cont.....


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Now the economists and financial advisors will tell you that leasing cars is a TERRIBLE investment and terrible waste of money because at the end of the term you have virtually nothing to show for it. 

And they are right, technically at the end of the lease term, you hand the car back to the dealer, say thank you and essentially walk away with nothing after paying thousands and thousands of dollars over the last 3 years. 

So as always, it comes down to values. What do you value?

Do you value a long term commitment and pride of ownership and something that you have put blood, sweat and tears into that you call your own and can possibly be with you forever and will always retain some level of value over the years assuming you maintain, repair and take care of it?

Or do you value hassle free performance in a nice, new shiny package with that new car smell that has all the latest features all the time and you are willing to spend the greater amount of money over the long term with less or even nothing to show for it when the final lease term comes to an end?


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Gay?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Anastasia6 said:


> Thing is this scenario in one form or another is floated a lot in different forms. But I simply don't know any women over 30 living the lifestyle that would make all this NSA sex possible. They aren't out having sex without the intention of a relationship. So assuming the guy is divorced as stated and over 30 it makes it improbable. I guess if you were very rich or famous or something it could happen but most women are seeking a relationship.
> So I guess I don't buy the premise of he's not lying to any of them.
> 
> But if you take the premise at face value. Great he's happy. I'd give him the description of **** boy.
> It's a fact every man is not suitable to every woman and vice versa. It is important to not try to force a square peg into a round hole. I and my friends wouldn't date him and that's ok because he's just not for us.


In all fairness, I do know women over 30 who only date casually and engage in NSA sex. They usually fall under the "recently divorced after a long marriage" category. Just like men in similar situations, they are either trying to make up for missed time (kids in a candy store) or arent ready for another relationship . Let's face it, relationships take lots of emotional energy, compromise, and compassion, all qualities that tend to be in short supply after a divorce.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Lila said:


> In all fairness, I do know women over 30 who only date casually and engage in NSA sex. They usually fall under the "recently divorced after a long marriage" category. Just like men in similar situations, they are either trying to make up for missed time (kids in a candy store) or arent ready for another relationship . Let's face it, relationships take lots of emotional energy, compromise, and compassion, all qualities that tend to be in short supply after a divorce.


And for those who are in the dating life or just have preconceived notions of how women are.....there are as many women as their are men who only want casual NSA dating.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Numb26 said:


> And for those who are in the dating life or just have preconceived notions of how women are.....there are as many women as their are men who only want casual NSA dating.


I can it "the phase" and from what I've seen, usually doesn't last more than 2 years . At some point, the urge to pair bond kicks in. 

I feel the same about women who claim they don't ever want to get into a relationship again and only have NSA sex to fulfill urges.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Anastasia6 said:


> Thing is this scenario in one form or another is floated a lot in different forms. But I simply don't know any women over 30 living the lifestyle that would make all this NSA sex possible. They aren't out having sex without the intention of a relationship. So assuming the guy is divorced as stated and over 30 it makes it improbable. I guess if you were very rich or famous or something it could happen but most women are seeking a relationship.
> So I guess I don't buy the premise of he's not lying to any of them.
> 
> But if you take the premise at face value. Great he's happy. I'd give him the description of **** boy.
> It's a fact every man is not suitable to every woman and vice versa. It is important to not try to force a square peg into a round hole. I and my friends wouldn't date him and that's ok because he's just not for us.


The thing is people like what they like and are attracted to what they are attracted to. 

The flip side of your argument is men shouldn't date or marry strippers but yet I'm willing to bet every stripper is either married or has some kind of steady, primary BF. 

You can argue that these guys are somehow settling or that they have self esteem issues etc etc but the fact remains that men are attracted to fit, pretty, sexy women that can dance in high heels and suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Is it wise for a guy to think that a stripper is going to be a good long term bet for a partner?? Likely not, but that doesn't stop the stripper from having a line up to pick from the moment the last guy leaves. 

Using my buddy I mentioned above, he is a 58 year old career bachelor. He is probably not a wise choice for a traditional marriage/home/kids/family etc etc. 

But he is tall, buff, tattoo'd, good looking, very outgoing and personable, has tons of friends, is always out partying on his boat and going on group rides on his motorcyle and while he is a normal working joe (he's welder/metal worker) he is not rich. 

So while he is not necessarily who one's grandmother would tell her granddaughter to pin her marriage and family hopes on, he possesses basically all of the traits and characteristics that women are attracted to. 

Is he the best bet for a LTR/marriage? Certainly not. But that doesn't stop the next one from stepping right into the last one's shoes the moment she is out the door.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> Now the economists and financial advisors will tell you that leasing cars is a TERRIBLE investment and terrible waste of money because at the end of the term you have virtually nothing to show for it.
> 
> And they are right, technically at the end of the lease term, you hand the car back to the dealer, say thank you and essentially walk away with nothing after paying thousands and thousands of dollars over the last 3 years.
> 
> ...


So I’m reading yours pretty much wishing you could launch your wife. I’m I wrong in that?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Lila said:


> I can it "the phase" and from what I've seen, usually doesn't last more than 2 years . At some point, the urge to pair bond kicks in.
> 
> I feel the same about women who claim they don't ever want to get into a relationship again and only have NSA sex to fulfill urges.


I think it's different here then in the US. Maybe it's a cultural thing but women here are so different in the things they want and how the go about it. It's the women who are more looking for the casual/NSA thing and the men are trying to settle down.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

ReformedHubby said:


> I would describe him as fictitious. I have heard my friends say some of those things, I may have even said some of them myself at one time in my life. But.....never with a smile on my face. I have only heard men talk like that after being hurt badly or disappointed by their relationship. Eventually, like most adults they realize it was a bad experience and move on with their lives with a more positive outlook. All of my friends who have spoken like that at one time, eventually found another long term partner or even a spouse. They didn't get into these relationships because they had to, they did it because they wanted to.


I think you're probably right about that. Brave happy talk.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Numb26 said:


> I think it's different here then in the US. Maybe it's a cultural thing but women here are so different in the things they want and how the go about it. It's the women who are more looking for the casual/NSA thing and the men are trying to settle down.


So the women are not looking to settle down where you live now? That sounds surreal. 

I know so many young, beautiful, and successful women who want to be in committed relationship but can't find a man who meets the bare minimum requirements for adulthood. And it's not like they are holding out for the hottest, sexiest, millionaire guy. They'd be happy with relatively healthy (not a heart attack waiting to happen at 40), non-addict with a job, and not living with their mom. Too many Failures To Launch where I live.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

The young hit things I know that are with guys 20+ years older than themselves are sugar babies. Getting women by flashing stacks of cash doesn’t make the guy a chick magnet. He traded goods and services.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Lila said:


> So the women are not looking to settle down where you live now? That sounds surreal.


Some are of course (they are sengyo-shufu), but some are more focused on their careers/goals/ etc. to want to be in a committed relationship. One woman I see occasionally told me that having a boyfriend would deflect to much of her attention away from things she is doing. A lot of women feel the same way.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> The thing is people like what they like and are attracted to what they are attracted to.
> 
> The flip side of your argument is men shouldn't date or marry strippers but yet I'm willing to bet every stripper is either married or has some kind of steady, primary BF.
> 
> ...


You mistake me. I never said anyone shouldn't date anyone. I simply stated this type of guy isn't for me or the women I know. Obviously there are women that would go for this. I don't think there are 'enough' women who go for this compared to the number of men who might go for this. Thus there would be a natural shortage.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Lila said:


> I don't expect my feelings to have any affect on anyone else's level of happiness but understand that my experiences have led me to those feelings.
> 
> I don't think of anyone as "lesser" for not wanting to be in a relationship. Nor do people HAVE to be in a relationship to be content in life.
> 
> I do think needs like intimacy can only be met within the confines of a relationship. Sex is just sex but intimacy involves vulnerability and emotional connection in a romantic context. I feel people who say are happy to have their sexual needs met casually but they don't want relationships are either fearful of intimacy or great at compartmentalizing their life. Doesn't make them "lesser" but it does make me think that intentionally or not, it's a coping mechanism for underlying "issues" (can't think of a better word).


On the flip side, a long term relationship does not in any way guarantee intimacy needs are met. In fact, some people seek to go outside their marriages to try to get those needs met because they have a crap partner.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

snowbum said:


> Getting women by flashing stacks of cash doesn’t make the guy a chick magnet. He traded goods and services.


Guys don’t even have to flash the cash. Women seem to have a sixth sense about money. When a guy with money becomes a widower, the driveway overflows with women who want to check up on him. It happened to my father many years ago. It’s disgusting.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I say good for him. Nothing wrong with living that life. We’re all different in what we want.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Lila said:


> Assuming this is strictly for sex, there are only two answers: 1) the sexual compatibility is off the charts or 2) he's a generous benefactor a.k.a $$$.


Isn't a situation like this the whole reason for the "hook-up" sites like Tinder, etc. ? (I confess to being "out of it" on this topic as a married dude in my 60s, so likely there are additional sites.)


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

What do you call this guy? Doing what the hell he wants to do! To each his own.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He smiles and says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


Lucky


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Livvie said:


> On the flip side, a long term relationship does not in any way guarantee intimacy needs are met. In fact, some people seek to go outside their marriages to try to get those needs met because they have a crap partner.


That's true but a relationship doesn't have to be long term to be a relationship.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Wolfman1968 said:


> Isn't a situation like this the whole reason for the "hook-up" sites like Tinder, etc. ? (I confess to being "out of it" on this topic as a married dude in my 60s, so likely there are additional sites.)


Tinder started out as a hook-up site but nowadays all online dating sites are hook-up sites, depends what people want to use them for. 

Most sites allow you to select whether you're looking for casual dating or something serious/long term relationship.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Sfort said:


> Guys don’t even have to flash the cash. Women seem to have a sixth sense about money. When a guy with money becomes a widower, the driveway overflows with women who want to check up on him. It happened to my father many years ago. It’s disgusting.


I remember when I was 25 and moved into a big city with a high pay, high status job. Walking down the street, an old person yelled, “I have a single granddaughter who would be perfect for you.” How the heck did people there know anything about me? I’d just moved into the neighborhood and hadn’t spoken with anybody.

Women were approaching me and my coworkers. I felt like a worm that had fallen into a pond of starving fish. My looks hadn’t changed. They didn’t know my personality. But dang, suddenly everything had changed. It made me feel disgusted.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Lila said:


> Tinder started out as a hook-up site but nowadays all online dating sites are hook-up sites, depends what people want to use them for.
> 
> Most sites allow you to select whether you're looking for casual dating or something serious/long term relationship.


Thanks for the education!


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

CraigBesuden said:


> I remember when I was 25 and moved into a big city with a high pay, high status job. Walking down the street, an old person yelled, “I have a single granddaughter who would be perfect for you.”


They didn't know about you, they knew about their granddaughter.

The old person should have yelled, "I have a entitled, borderline personality disorder granddaughter who is single because of her toxic personality who I'd like to sucker you into taking over responsibility for."

I mean, if she was so great, did she really need grandma to intervene for her with strangers on the street?


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

A guy I know who told me that "whenever his Mother told him that a girl wasn't right for him she was right" , someone else who knew him described him as a Mommas boy, guess no one can measure up to Mom?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

CraigBesuden said:


> How would you describe this kind of guy?


Could be a lot of scenarios.

I have a friend that this might apply to at this part of his life.

His wife cheated on him and they got a divorce. She took his daughter and moved states away and moved the OM in with her and her daughter.

He struggles with severe depression and does do the hookup scene but he's 100% honest about not wanting anything too serious.

I know him though. If he was fortunate enough to come across a keeper, he would.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think some are simply self centered and there have always been those throughout history.

I think others are simply damaged/hurt and have recovered enough to find a balance but may never be ready to try another LTR.

There are a growing number that have become disillusioned (many with good reason) with what relationships and marriage have become in the west.

The last group is the one that causes this barbarian the most concern for our society.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He smiles and says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


I would describe him as self aware. If he knows he doesn't want a relationship, why expect him to force himself to have one, it will only end up causing someone pain.


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## Exit37 (3 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> Add the he is raising three kids on his own and I know somebody just like that.


You are a good dad, Numb.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Exit37 said:


> You are a good dad, Numb.


I second that.👍


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Exit37 said:


> You are a good dad, Numb.





ConanHub said:


> I second that.👍


Thanks. Trying my best.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Thanks. Trying my best.


There's no shame to your game my friend.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

Ignorant, immature, probably watches incel content on YouTube. 
The wall exists for men too. Most women don't want some 40+ balding beer gut liver damaged narcissistic womanizer. 
The male equivalent of a 45 year old feminist with a bunch of cats. 
Children are a hugely satisfying part of life, and ward off depression late in life. Feed the monkey. 
"Where have all the good women gone?" 
The intelligent decent high value women paired off for life young and had kids, never to enter the dating pool again.
Stop watching depressed drugged up incel losers on YouTube unless you want to bang *****'s and 304s for life. Cheap promiscuous women forever perpetuating your echo chamber.
Sex is cheap, sex is easy, and nothing to be proud of unless you're a boy aged 15-25


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wow! Someone found dookie in their Cheerios!😋


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Wow! Someone found dookie in their Cheerios!😋


Somebody doesn't get any more likely! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> So now if a man just has sexual relations with a woman without having a relationship with her he is a sociopath??? Wow. Ok, I'm out of this convo. It's gone off the deep end.


If you are refering to my post (I am not certain) I was talking about SCHIZOID not SOCIOPATHIC. This is something different and gets often confused with schizophrenic or maybe as you do as SOCIOPATHIC.
You maybe confused by the similar use of letters, but read properly.

But it is not. It is a different trait. It meand the person isn't able and willing to have a relstionship with another person. They chose to live on their own and only have sexual encounters without closeness. 

They don't like or are emotionally strong enough to be close to anyone and don't care about other people.

What the OP desribes is covered schizoidism. I didn't invent it. It is the term for such people.
In men it is more common or obvious. 

They can seem as functioning people. Have a successful career and a lot of friends, but at home they want to be alone and recover from being with other people. 
'I don't like to be envolved (emotionally) with other people' is something they mention quite likely. 

They don't care about having kids and if they have they are absent minded parents and absolutely not suportive.

It is the eternal batchelor. There are different degrees, but not being able and willing to commit into a relationship is called schizoidism, if they are not asexual... although the worsed case are asexzal schizoid people.

What OP talks about is schizoidism most likely. He asked what it is called, I told what the psychological definition for such person is. 
And schizoid don't feel they have a problem. It's the others who have problems...


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


ME! 🤗

Well, since last relationship anyway lol


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Thought of another name for this type of guy. Poser. The thing is, if you’re genuinely okay being single, you don’t need to go looking for sex do you?


Huh? I do!
What else am I supposed to do when I get that itch?



> Idk. I’m single, not having sex.. so I want to be single? Maybe apart of me does, but do I want to have sex? Yep, want that too, I don’t want it outside of a relationship/marriage with someone. I really don’t want it outside of marriage, yet I know in 2023 that’s going to be a hard thing to find.
> Anyhow, most want companionship and I think the man you’re describing is probably hiding/choking something down to put in such a perfect front.


It's utterly impossible for me to get into a relationship now, maybe in the far future and 100% after an empty nest so I can leave this city behind.
This city and its memories are claimed by two women. It has no room for a third. Another city, sure.

In the meantime, I will do what I have to do.


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## Dormatte (4 mo ago)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?



Hopefully happy.
Also realistic
Honest with himself, hopefully honest with others.
His life, his choice.


It's fine for anyone to not be in a relationship.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Dormatte said:


> It's fine for anyone to not be in a relationship.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

CraigBesuden said:


> I think you're probably right about that. Brave happy talk.


Well yeah what you want him to do? Break down about all the reasons he doesn't want a relationship?

Happy and single, short and sweet, you don't need to know anymore details. Yet it seems still get judged for it... sheez!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> And for those who are in the dating life or just have preconceived notions of how women are.....there are as many women as their are men who only want casual NSA dating.


Exactly. Hell even with my current fbuddy, I'm the one who wants exclusivity but she wants her freedom so whatever.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

No disrespect to anyone who chooses that lifestyle but I think they are missing out on a good thing. Sure, sex is cheap and easy but cheap and easy things are just that. I understand deciding that the risk in a relationship may not be worth the reward but I see that as giving up. We have all been burned a time or two, that doesn't mean we should stop playing the game. I have given and taken my share of lumps in relationships but I am still making a go of things with the wifey.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Bulfrog1987 said:


> Oh they NEED it? It’s a need they just have to have? Lol


Men respond to need. If they don't need, they don't think about it.
Here is a man's apartment. In his cupboard, he will have a bowl and a spoon, that triples as a knife and fork. For cooking, he will have one pot that doubles as a frying pan and he will have a spatula.
His life can be complete and most men here would agree that they can live this simply, even if what they have for themselves might be a bit different.
Most women are horrified by this, which is why it's funny.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

snowbum said:


> I guess it works for people who only care what people look like or the things they possess. Babes are there for the $$$ even though he ms convinced he’s a sex good. Most women aren’t into men twice their age but are into money. I also think wanting people 1/2 your age is indicative of fear of aging/ insecurity.
> 
> Why would women want a bad boy who’s going to use and lose them?


Because they themselves are as irresponsible as the bad boy. Sex without commitment and no pressure to grow up. 
Like attracts like.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

CraigBesuden said:


> I remember when I was 25 and moved into a big city with a high pay, high status job. Walking down the street, an old person yelled, “I have a single granddaughter who would be perfect for you.” How the heck did people there know anything about me? I’d just moved into the neighborhood and hadn’t spoken with anybody.
> 
> Women were approaching me and my coworkers. I felt like a worm that had fallen into a pond of starving fish. My looks hadn’t changed. They didn’t know my personality. But dang, suddenly everything had changed. It made me feel disgusted.


They saw your shoes.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Enigma32 said:


> No disrespect to anyone who chooses that lifestyle but I think they are missing out on a good thing. Sure, sex is cheap and easy but cheap and easy things are just that. I understand deciding that the risk in a relationship may not be worth the reward but I see that as giving up. We have all been burned a time or two, that doesn't mean we should stop playing the game. I have given and taken my share of lumps in relationships but I am still making a go of things with the wifey.


For me it's like trying to squeeze out a turd that just isn't there. There's no love left to give, at least not now. Now I'm not going to waste my time or my lovers'. 
Remember it took me four months before I found my fbuddy, I may have saved a lot of time if I knew what I was no longer capable of and what I was capable of.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

UAArchangel said:


> Men respond to need. If they don't need, they don't think about it.
> Here is a man's apartment. In his cupboard, he will have a bowl and a spoon, that triples as a knife and fork. For cooking, he will have one pot that doubles as a frying pan and he will have a spatula.
> His life can be complete and most men here would agree that they can live this simply, even if what they have for themselves might be a bit different.
> Most women are horrified by this, which is why it's funny.
> ...


I thought that was @Enigma32 apartment 😅


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Lila said:


> If he's genuinely happy, then I'd describe him as "happy". However in my personal experience, men who self describe as you did are usually hiding something. In the cases that I know, a few have intense anger towards women, a few are closet bi sexual/gay, one is a sociopath (clinical), and the others have just not had much luck with women and have just given up on that front.


Many of these types of men are men who were late bloomers, who created a life for themselves that they like very much and aren't willing to give that up for a relationship.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

UAArchangel said:


> Men respond to need. If they don't need, they don't think about it.
> Here is a man's apartment. In his cupboard, he will have a bowl and a spoon, that triples as a knife and fork. For cooking, he will have one pot that doubles as a frying pan and he will have a spatula.
> His life can be complete and most men here would agree that they can live this simply, even if what they have for themselves might be a bit different.
> Most women are horrified by this, which is why it's funny.
> ...


Gosh, I am horrified by it. Its so Spartan.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

UAArchangel said:


> Many of these types of men are men who were late bloomers, who created a life for themselves that they like very much and aren't willing to give that up for a relationship.


That's all it is. Giving up things.

For these men, what can a woman add to their lives that they don't have/can't buy?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

UAArchangel said:


> Most women are horrified by this, which is why it's funny.
> 
> View attachment 95102


This is more about aesthetics though?

There’s simplicity, and then there’s simplicity.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

This goes for this topic and the topic about women that don't want to have a long term relationship 

If you are not looking for a relationship at the moment, and have no interest in
settling down, then you are in the market for meeting promiscuous women who are
cool with having casual sex and aren’t bothered about getting into relationships
either. The problem that many players contend with is that they go to normal,
mainstream, venues to meet women. Those girls probably just want to find a nice
guy to settle down with after they’ve had fun in their college years, which is their
prerogative. But when the player whose desires are for fleeting fun comes into the
equation, he is in danger of hurting women who thought he was offering more
when he moves on to someone else.

One of the great advantages of swingers clubs and the web sites that cater to this public 
(and BDSM parties) is that you will meet women there who are like-minded and looking for exciting
sexual adventures rather than domesticity, a white picket fence, and a dog. They are
on the same page as you.

As I said in some of my other posts before on these subjects as long as 
both are honest to themselves and to others and not leading the other person on 
it is fine with me


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

UAArchangel said:


> For cooking, he will have one pot that doubles as a frying pan and he will have a spatula.
> 
> View attachment 95102


Nah... he would have a microwave for ready meals or he would use a delivery service. Nobody cooks. He would also have a fridge for his beer.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

CraigBesuden said:


> I remember when I was 25 and moved into a big city with a high pay, high status job. Walking down the street, an old person yelled, “I have a single granddaughter who would be perfect for you.” How the heck did people there know anything about me? I’d just moved into the neighborhood and hadn’t spoken with anybody.


as for the grandparent that yelled after someone on the street , they needed help from the men with white coats ,

I like the saying about old people that goes something like 
My grandmother can't see the writing on a jar or can of food 
but she sour can see an fool a mile off


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


I guess he's friends with the woman you used in your other exact post.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

OnTheFly said:


> If true, and I have no reason to doubt it, my question is...why do the women he sleeps with accept the ''no relationship'' aspect of being with him?


Because he sleeps with them in places like Taho, Vale, Paris, Rome, Austria, Italy, etc.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Lila said:


> ... I do think needs like intimacy can only be met within the confines of a relationship. Sex is just sex but intimacy involves vulnerability and emotional connection in a romantic context. I feel people who say are happy to have their sexual needs met casually but they don't want relationships are either fearful of intimacy or great at compartmentalizing their life.


Your description also fits many marriages. We hear about a LOT of them here on TAM. So a LTR does not ensure intimacy, much less sex. Many of the men in these relationships would probably be happier single; they might have more sex, might have more intimacy than they had in their lousy marriages, and have the freedom to find happiness.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

UAArchangel said:


> Men respond to need. If they don't need, they don't think about it.
> Here is a man's apartment. In his cupboard, he will have a bowl and a spoon, that triples as a knife and fork. For cooking, he will have one pot that doubles as a frying pan and he will have a spatula.
> His life can be complete and most men here would agree that they can live this simply, even if what they have for themselves might be a bit different.
> Most women are horrified by this, which is why it's funny.
> ...


I had more than this when I moved into my first apartment by myself. 

I had an old ratty couch that a prior roommate had left that he had gotten from his mom's house that she had bought some 30-40 years earlier. 

And in the bedroom I had a mattress on the floor with some sheets and blankets and pillows that previous girlfriends had bought for me. 

Where this picture is a little more extravagant is I did not have any kind of gaming system. And I didn't really have a TV stand. 

A girlfriends parents said I could have their old 1970s wooden console TV that sat on the floor. And when that crapped out shortly after since it was too old and no parts to repair, I bought a newer and lighter TV and just sat it on top of the broken console TV.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> I had more than this when I moved into my first apartment by myself.
> 
> I had an old ratty couch that a prior roommate had left that he had gotten from his mom's house that she had bought some 30-40 years earlier.
> 
> ...


This was a Jeff Foxworthy joke. "If you have a working television sitting on top of a non-working television, you might be a..." I knew a lot of people that had that setup back in the day.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Your description also fits many marriages. We hear about a LOT of them here on TAM. So a LTR does not ensure intimacy, much less sex. Many of the men in these relationships would probably be happier single; they might have more sex, might have more intimacy than they had in their lousy marriages, and have the freedom to find happiness.


I don't know how much intimacy one can have in a casual sexual relationship like that described in the OP, but if they can be vulnerable hooking up with random women then more power to them


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

UAArchangel said:


> How is he selfish? If he is having sex when he wants, it is because there is somebody who is giving it to him when he wants it. As long as he is honest with her about the arrangement.
> 
> If no woman wants him, or he wishes a permanent single life, as long as he lives a life of honour and doesn't hurt anybody, I wish him well.


Agree. Similar how I feel about people who don't want to have kids. That's not selfish either - that's actually good self awareness.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Yeah. Both of those rooms had TV in them. I live on my own, and I will NOT have a TV in my flat.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


I've had friends like that, of course. In one case, it was in fact "not met the right woman yet", and he did eventually meet her. I don't see how the word "selfish" applies at all. 

This bit _"I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it" _seems to suggest, by juxtaposing those two statements, that he thinks sex is all there is to get from a relationship with a woman. I think that's a mistake. So I'm imagining he didn't have a great childhood. I could be wrong.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Some of these judgments suck. I am in the camp of I'd like a relationship but I'm holding out for a really compatible person. I still get flack for not really trying to have one, having unreasonable expectations... basically a sense that not having a relationship is an inferior way to live and there's something wrong if you don't have one.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

CraigBesuden said:


> You have a friend who is perpetually single. You ask him about relationships. He says: "I don't need a relationship with a woman. I can get sex whenever I want it. I make my own money, pay my own bills, and I enjoy going out with my friends and living this lifestyle."
> 
> How would you describe this kind of guy?


Happy.


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