# Do I need friends other than my wife?



## Guest (Sep 1, 2009)

I work three 12 hour shifts per week, sometimes more if I want overtime. While I am not at work I am with my family. We go grocery shopping together, Mass together, everything together. I do not have any friends and neither does my wife. We like it that way. We live in a small community, home school our son, and live a middle class life.
Do I need friends? Does she need friends? She seems happy, I am happy.


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

If you are both happy with the way things are now, why change it? My husband and I have common friends, it works out for us, dont see them much.. we keep to ourselves, it helps to have friends, especially if you get into an argument and need someone to talk too.. but if you and your wife are happy, then theres no need in changing that, but its totally up to you.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Do you need friends?? That's up to you. If you feel you are not fullfulled completely in time it will surface. Her on the other hand I bet she will over time. my wife threw away her friends for me and this marriage. Now 15 years she complaining to me that she doesn't know who she is and doesn't have any friends. Now she's bypassing her kids for her own selfish ways. I would suggest on finding a few couples to do things together. Either as a family or just the couple. Yet it's up to you mostly..


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

There are different types of friends... close friends, aquaintances, etc...
I would say you should seek aquaintance type friends to do occasional activites with, solo...
it brings a new dimension to the marriage to get out on your own and do things with other people ( hobby related or interest related, like hunting, fishing, poetry reading or whatever you like).

If you go to something like that once a week or once a month... it is refreshing and good for your mind.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Personally, I think friends are important for balance, as is alone time. Without that, you rely on your spouse meet every need, and I don't think any one person should be asked to do that. It is an awful lot of pressure.

That doesn't mean run straight out and find friends. The two of you are happy right now. That's great! But I wouldn't actively avoid friendships either.

But ultimately, people are different. What works for the two of you is great.


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

If you're happy, you're happy. My husband and I don't have very many friends outside each other. 

I am perfectly happy to spend time on my own - I don't have a huge need for friends. So is H to a certain extent. 

You shouldn't feel pressured to have friends just because it's considered normal - do what makes you happy.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I think friends bring a new perspective to your life. Yes, I believe you do need friends - as long as they are not single and opposite sex - sorry that is just a recipe for disaster. As mommy22 said; chose friends that are supportive of your marriage. Friends allow you the time to do things for yourself that your wife might not be interested in but you might be, like sports, etc. And for her, it can be intelligent adult conversation, girl talk, whatever. It is healthy to be able to keep your personality and friends tend to let us unwind from everyday responsibilities -if that makes sense. It is great to have a healthy marriage and for your spouse to be your best friend, but we need others so that we can keep our personalities being us. Marriage tends to mold you both into one person and start to lose who you are - when that happens; you're in trouble.


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## Guest (Sep 1, 2009)

brighterlight said:


> I think friends bring a new perspective to your life. Yes, I believe you do need friends - as long as they are not single and opposite sex - sorry that is just a recipe for disaster. As mommy22 said; chose friends that are supportive of your marriage. Friends allow you the time to do things for yourself that your wife might not be interested in but you might be, like sports, etc. And for her, it can be intelligent adult conversation, girl talk, whatever. It is healthy to be able to keep your personality and friends tend to let us unwind from everyday responsibilities -if that makes sense. It is great to have a healthy marriage and for your spouse to be your best friend, but we need others so that we can keep our personalities being us. Marriage tends to mold you both into one person and start to lose who you are - when that happens; you're in trouble.


I believe man and woman are to become one person, one flesh. Just me though.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

I speak from experience as this is a BIG part of our issues now. YES, you should both have a few friends and alone time...after 12 years it has caught us off guard in many ways and now we are full of resentment because of it! I am sorry for being so blunt, it is a fact as when i am reading and researching ways of coping...i have found out that this comes to hurt an awful lot of relationships and marriages. also always make sure you have some time for yourselves!


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

totally up to you both.

I know some couples that keep to themselves and are perfectly happy.

I know other couples that ahve many friends and are happy.

I am more social then my wife and have many more friends, my wife is recluse and has few friends.

I also think our jobs play a factor in it, my wife deals with people all day long, when she comes home she wants alone time. In my job I do not deal with many people, so I like human interaction.

I am heavily involved in our community so I know many people that way, I try to be friendly to everyone, you never know who may be a good friend or someone you can help or help you in the future.

I also have friends of the opposite sex, they are like sisters to me, so it is possible, but you ahve to set boundries and be completely open. One of my best female friends is "facebook" buddies with my wife and plays vampire wars with her, I see ti as healthy, I have nothing to hide.....if you do then you shouldn't be friends.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

GLOCKnRN said:


> I believe man and woman are to become one person, one flesh. Just me though.


i always thought one flesh was referring to kids...and speaking of kids, you mentioned that your child is home schooled. if you have no friends it will be hard for your kid to adjust and have confidence in the 'real' world. my h and I tend to be recluse, too, but when we have kids i think it will be important for us to start making friends.


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## shelleyv (Aug 13, 2009)

I think its important to have friends. If someone happens to you (God forbid) who will your wife have to turn to? Its always good to have a support system. A group of close friends can be a great way to make your marriage even happier - socialising, sharing interests, etc. Nothing wrong with being just the two of you, but should something happen to one of you, the other is going to be left in a very lonely situation. Make some friends, surely cant do any harm?


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## feylovelyheart (Jun 13, 2009)

shelleyv said:


> I think its important to have friends. If someone happens to you (God forbid) who will your wife have to turn to? Its always good to have a support system. A group of close friends can be a great way to make your marriage even happier - socialising, sharing interests, etc. Nothing wrong with being just the two of you, but should something happen to one of you, the other is going to be left in a very lonely situation. Make some friends, surely cant do any harm?


:iagree:

there is no harm having friends and I think it would benefit you in some ways.


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## carmaenforcer (Mar 7, 2008)

Friends are important, especially when you divorce and need someone to do stuff with. 
No but seriously, I still have a friend that out lasted a 10 year relationship, I almost lost him at the beginning of my current relationship of 5 years now. My Wife wanted him out of my Life because of the fact that we would smoke pot together before going to movies and so was a bad influence. I "pretended" to comply to appease the Wife, but eventually had to fight for my right to keep my relationship with my friend. 
Someday he will help me get over the hurt that this current Wife will cause me and we will look back, smoke some bud and laugh and laugh. 

This is by no means the only way I believe "it" is. Just my situation.
The OP situation in that he seems to have married his best friend is the ideal/dream situation. If I had that, I would probably have no need for others, especially if we are trying to be a family.
*GLOCKnRN* If it working for you don't change a thing, but do be cautious. There is something to be said about not putting all your eggs in one basket too.


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