# Help!!! Wife and Mother don't get along-affects kid



## townse81 (May 2, 2011)

At the time we had our son, my wife and I were not married. My mother would never admit it, but I know this bothered her as well as having this new female consuming much time with her son. My wife also has a way of giving off certain vibes when she does not feel comfortable, so between the two of them, there is no communication. I have tried to bring them together to have dinner out, or for birthday parties, abut the effort to get to know each other has never been there. My mom has never been to our home to visit or see our son, but she asks about him all the time and asks about him coming over or tries to make plans to do things with him. We have been together for 6 years.

After my son was born, my wife expressed her concern about not feeling comfortable around my mother, which I understood and respected how she felt. I also see where my mother (and grandmother and sister) feel slighted by the whole situation. My wife only wants our five year old son to spend time with my mother when we are there with him, because she does not feel comfortable with him being around people that don't have converasation with her. This ususally equates to about 1-2 hours whenever we return home to visit. 

This situation has bothered me for a long time, and even more now because we are moving far away soon and my son does not even know that my mom is his grandmother. He spends days, weeks, and currently a month with my wife's mother (who happens to live in the same city as my mother...my wife and I are from the same town) and knows her side of the family well. He travels with her mother on vacations to florida and to visit my wife's sister in new york, but has spent maybe a total of 24 hours with my family since he has been born, because the wife only wants to visit for an hour or so and she rejects any request made by my family to have my son visit for a while or take him places.

I don't want to resent my wife or mother...I think my mother should make more of an effort to get to know my wife, but I can see where someone keeping you from your grandson because they don't like how you act can be a problem and won't make you want to make that effort. When I ask her about it, she says there is no problem..but obviously there is. I also don't think my wife should make that decision and put our son in the middle. He has the right to spend time with both families to build those relationships, regardless of how the adults feel about each other. This is a constant argument. Please help!!!


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

You r mother needs to give. You are not her little boy anymore. You have a family that takes priority over your parents (as it should). Your mother needs to sit down and have a talk with your wife, accept her into the family and love her.
If not, tell her that she will rarely see her grandson.
I wouldn't leave my child with a relative that did not respect me or welcome me to the family. I think that you wife is correct in this situation.


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## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

If it's important to you that your child get to know/spend time with your mother/family and your wife isn't willing to be a part of that, then it is up to you to see that it happens.

On your next visit home, take your son there yourself....both of you spend time with your family - if your wife doesn't want to go on the visit....cool....she can use that free time to catch up with her own family or friends. 

If your wife doesn't agree with you doing that....then it kind of sounds like she has a bit of an hidden agenda happening (making your mother pay for not liking her perhaps). It's in your son's best interest to have a relationship with his grandparents and someone needs to stand up for him. 

Where do you and your wife and child stay when you visit your home town?


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Stand by your wife. Speak to your mother and tell her plainly, unless you accept my wife, the mother of my child, visit us and act like a family member, then you will not be visiting your grandson alone. Period. Your support is with your wife.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I would not allow my child to stay with my mother, if my mother refused to speak with my wife. Why? Your mother will work hard to undermine your wife to your child, and this is harmful to your child. Your wife's mothering instincts are spot on here.

Your mother is in 100% control of this. By making her decision to shun your wife, she knows full well that this affects her relationship with her grandchild. Your should bear no mental burden for your mother's actions and you should support your wife and child totally. Don't allow your mother to assert herself over you.


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