# I feel so depressed about my relationship



## Wake67 (10 mo ago)

I’m 42 and with my partner who is 58 and we have two older children. We have been on the rocks for a good couple of years now on and off and my partner refuses to communicate about anything, he’s always been like this and it’s taking it’s toll on my mental health, if I try to talk to him about our problems he’ll say “I don’t know do I?” Or “that’s me” or “il just leave then, it’s frustrated me for years that there’s no communication between us, he has very little empathy and I’m a cuddly person also very chatty and I like to be able to talk about problems as bottling things up just makes things worse and I feel like I’m hitting my head against a wall trying all the time. Im
Not happy in this relationship and it’s making me feel basically like my mental health is suffering, I don’t know what else to do, he woudnt have counselling as I asked him and he just sits every night in silence staring at the tv, I’m scared to end it because it’s been so many years I don’t know any different but I’m worried about my health. I have chronic anxiety trying to sort these problems out as nothing I say makes any difference. He hasn’t got any hobbies or any friends, i always feel like I’m doing something wrong for wanting to live my life and see my friends. He’s never pleased for me in anything I do, I feel like I’m a shadow of my former self. It’s so frustrating


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

You need to leave at least for a while. You can have a happy life but your husband needs to change if it’s going to be with him. 
Can you move somewhere else for a while?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

A 16 year gap is quite a bit. Those type of gaps only work if the older person is both mentally and physically fit and the younger person is mature for their age. Where you basically meet in the middle. It sounds like he is too low energy for you and has stopped caring enough to meet your expectations. In the beginning of the relationship, he’s upping his game because a sweet young thing is driving him. But now that he’s grown comfortable, he reverts to his more natural pace, which is leaving you feeling unloved.

It may require fear of you slipping away to get him motivated get back in gear. You have to start living your life without him. The advise that we give guys in sexless lives is what you need to implement. Start taking care of your appearance (hair, clothes, etc) working out, and going out places with some friends. 

Not saying to start dressing like a who.. and going out clubbing but just up your game and go shopping, movies, restaurants, etc with friends. At first he may not care. But very quickly, he will start noticing that you’re not around as much. Then he will notice that when you do go out, you’re looking tasty. That is when he will say to himself, I better up my game or I’m going to lose that young thing. If he doesn’t step up, you will be active and more confident person that no longer wants to settle for what he’s offering. Either way, you’re going to be ready for the next stage of life. A healthy loving marriage or hitting the singles scene feeling vibrant.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Wake67 said:


> I’m 42 and with my partner who is 58 and we have two older children. We have been on the rocks for a good couple of years now on and off and my partner refuses to communicate about anything, he’s always been like this and it’s taking it’s toll on my mental health, if I try to talk to him about our problems he’ll say “I don’t know do I?” Or “that’s me” or “il just leave then, it’s frustrated me for years that there’s no communication between us, he has very little empathy and I’m a cuddly person also very chatty and I like to be able to talk about problems as bottling things up just makes things worse and I feel like I’m hitting my head against a wall trying all the time. Im
> Not happy in this relationship and it’s making me feel basically like my mental health is suffering, I don’t know what else to do, he woudnt have counselling as I asked him and he just sits every night in silence staring at the tv, I’m scared to end it because it’s been so many years I don’t know any different but I’m worried about my health. I have chronic anxiety trying to sort these problems out as nothing I say makes any difference. He hasn’t got any hobbies or any friends, i always feel like I’m doing something wrong for wanting to live my life and see my friends. He’s never pleased for me in anything I do, I feel like I’m a shadow of my former self. It’s so frustrating


So I don't think leaving for a short period of time is a bad idea. I would ask why you feel it's your problem to solve. If he is struggling and doesn't want to tell you why I am not sure you should take on the responsibility to fix it. Specifically if he won't tell you about it. Now that my be easier said then done I am sure, but I do thing the better tact is to ignore it then. Also you need to get to the point where you are not anxious about who he is. This is just too much responsibility for you to handle. This man is an adult and responsible for his own happiness. No one can make another person completely content forever if they don't actively work on it. This is really a personal responsibility. Do not allow yourself to feel guilty or responsible for that, like it's a failure on your part. Your responsibility is to be open, and you are. 

Now as far as your other issues, you can only tell him what you need. It's up to him to understand that this is a part of his role. This is where I think it's fair for you to talk about separating or at least making sure he understand how critical it is for your marriage. At that point if he doesn't want to change, unfortunately you will be forced to make a decision.

You just have no control over him.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Wake67 said:


> _*I’m 42 and with my partner who is 58 and we have two older children. We have been on the rocks for a good couple of years now on and off and my partner refuses to communicate about anything, he’s always been like this and it’s taking it’s toll on my mental health, if I try to talk to him about our problems he’ll say “I don’t know do I?” Or “that’s me” or “il just leave then, it’s frustrated me for years that there’s no communication between us, he has very little empathy and I’m a cuddly person also very chatty and I like to be able to talk about problems as bottling things up just makes things worse and I feel like I’m hitting my head against a wall trying all the time. Im
> Not happy in this relationship and it’s making me feel basically like my mental health is suffering, I don’t know what else to do, he woudnt have counselling as I asked him and he just sits every night in silence staring at the tv, I’m scared to end it because it’s been so many years I don’t know any different but I’m worried about my health. I have chronic anxiety trying to sort these problems out as nothing I say makes any difference. He hasn’t got any hobbies or any friends, i always feel like I’m doing something wrong for wanting to live my life and see my friends. He’s never pleased for me in anything I do, I feel like I’m a shadow of my former self. It’s so frustrating*_


So you're in the Infidelity section which I'm assuming means Mr. Wonderful - aside from being almost a senior citizen and you're only 42 - cheated on you on TOP of all the other wonderful character traits he possesses. Golly. I can see why you're so torn about leaving him because he's SUCH a prize.

How many *MORE* excuses are you going to come up with for staying in the dead zone with this guy simply because you're too afraid to find your spine and be done with this deadbeat?

Lastly OP, even though Prince Charming is a miserable SOB, he knows damned well that he's 58 years old and it ain't easy finding another woman who's willing to be his mommy and do everything for him plus later on in life, also be his care-taker. So he's continuing to hold onto you because he knows you're too afraid to leave.

Jesus. Aim higher in life, OP.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Wake67 said:


> I’m 42 and with my partner who is 58 and we have two older children. We have been on the rocks for a good couple of years now on and off and my partner refuses to communicate about anything, he’s always been like this and it’s taking it’s toll on my mental health, if I try to talk to him about our problems he’ll say “I don’t know do I?” Or “that’s me” or “il just leave then, it’s frustrated me for years that there’s no communication between us, he has very little empathy and I’m a cuddly person also very chatty and I like to be able to talk about problems as bottling things up just makes things worse and I feel like I’m hitting my head against a wall trying all the time. Im
> Not happy in this relationship and it’s making me feel basically like my mental health is suffering, I don’t know what else to do, he woudnt have counselling as I asked him and he just sits every night in silence staring at the tv, I’m scared to end it because it’s been so many years I don’t know any different but I’m worried about my health. I have chronic anxiety trying to sort these problems out as nothing I say makes any difference. He hasn’t got any hobbies or any friends, i always feel like I’m doing something wrong for wanting to live my life and see my friends. He’s never pleased for me in anything I do, I feel like I’m a shadow of my former self. It’s so frustrating


It's not that there's no communication. What he's letting you know is he isn't going to compromise about anything and you can leave if you don't like it. So you need to decide if you want to stay with him as is or not. I would get out. Your kids are old enough.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> So you're in the Infidelity section which I'm assuming means Mr. Wonderful - aside from being almost a senior citizen and you're only 42 - cheated on you on TOP of all the other wonderful character traits he possesses. Golly. I can see why you're so torn about leaving him because he's SUCH a prize.
> 
> How many *MORE* excuses are you going to come up with for staying in the dead zone with this guy simply because you're too afraid to find your spine and be done with this deadbeat?
> 
> ...


I have nothing to add, this is so great it deserved to be posted again. 😂


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