# and I feel fine



## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Tangled web; what you should know: when you or your spouse take that first step outside of your marriage, in all likelihood your marriage is over. Maybe it already was, and that’s why the first step. Maybe the first step was simply for the excitement of it and to see what would come next. What comes next is not pretty. There are some here who seem to demonstrate the strength and character to save the relationship. I would have thought that we were one of those couples. You should also know that there is a lot of denial in this process. Sheer unwillingness to face, let alone accept, the realities.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Does this mean you are getting a divorce? How is your wife taking it
?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

In characteristically stoic fashion.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Sorry to hear that HB.

I thought you and your wife would meet in the middle and work through the issues.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

It's a mess. We both wish it weren't. We both need to start putting our lives back together.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Sorry HB....I really am. But you and your wife are waaaay too stubborn....both of you. 

That's a good quality for a lawyer...bad for being a spouse.

I bet you're relieved to some extent though, even though it will be hard on your girls.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Spent the weekend coaching and skiing with the 3 oldest. #3 has a stomach bug and I am home today with her watching Harry Potter. Life is good.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

So sorry. It seems like it was a long fight.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> It seems like it was a long fight.


Another double entendre. Thank you for that, Madame.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I'm so sorry man. I was also hoping a different outcome.
Wish you continued healing.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> Another double entendre. Thank you for that, Madame.


:scratchhead:

Okay that made no f*cking sense whatsoever.

You're not gonna clam up and start getting all obtuse on us again are you?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Thanks. I am accepting gifts in 750 ml packages.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Okay that made no f*cking sense whatsoever.
> 
> You're not gonna clam up and start getting all obtuse on us again are you?


You upset the order of the thread. I was posting while you were posting and now no one will send me bottles of healing and it will be your fault.

Not obtuse. Maybe oblique. But only because I was given one of those Abby Normal brains.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Sometimes the time away is just what's needed to move forward, HB. I know it sucks moose balls. Still...this makes me sad.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> :scratchhead:
> 
> Okay that made no f*cking sense whatsoever.
> 
> You're not gonna clam up and start getting all obtuse on us again are you?


Goes back to an earlier thread. In that one, though, the double entendre was consciously constructed. This was, I think, subconscious on my part, but no less true.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

Oh Harken, I have followed your heartbreaking story. So sad that your wife's selfish stupid decisions could have such devasting impact on you, your daughters, & your families. I hope that you can truly begin to heal now.


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Thanks. We have both done this. Nothing happens in isolation. We are past the point of blame.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> Thanks. I am accepting gifts in 750 ml packages.


Scotch or Irish?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Scotch or Irish?


Now we are back on track. Between the two, Irish. 1608. Black. I am a son of the sod. Yeah, it's a protty whisky, but I like it. Still, there is a certain Tennessee sipping whiskey . . .. I am a simple man with simple taste.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I'm a daughter of the sod (actually granddaughter), but am partial nonetheless to the scotch. No matter. Pm me your untraceable PO Box address, and I'll express mail you some healing spirits.


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## NEVER HAPPEN 2 ME RIGHT? (Sep 28, 2012)

Oh Harken,

So sorry to hear this is where you guys have ended up. But as you well know, this is often times the ultimate step required for healing and closure after an affair.

The one silver lining in all of this is that hopefully both you and your STBXW will emerge better, stronger and more aware from all of this. Perhaps this will enable you both to approach your next relationships with clearer understanding of your needs/wants and the work needed to ensure a healthy relationship.

As for your children, they will certainly make the adjustment and be ok. They are lucky to have two parents that love them and want to be involved in helping them grow into amazing adults. 

Here's to hoping that your parting of the ways can be as amicable as possible, and that you may finally begin your healing in earnest. 

Good luck Harken, and keep us posted on your progress as you proceed down this new path. Your unique insight and commentary are always appreciated.

And by the way, my friend Basil Hayden has proven to be a loyal friend as I have been working through things. He always listens and never passes judgement.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Really sorry HB. I gave you guys a fighting chance - sometimes proud people have the hardest time forgiving. You and your W will both be okay.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

*sigh* even if it's good, it's still sad.

My sympathies for having to endure my poor spelling and having to deal with this, particularly in relation to the kids. 

Bummer man


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Sorry Harken,
I hope you both can meet in the middle to handle the kids the best possible way.
I always respected my father for never bringing another woman around...ever. Tale the high road your kids will remember. Get your wife on the same page, kids don't need to meet any new people brought into this.

Also, you can't beat a good scotch. Nectar of the Gods. IMHO


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