# He Left with no word - just ran



## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

Came home from work and my husband of 31 years took all his clothes and left. no word to me. We texted back and forth last night needless to say not very nice texts on my end. I am frustrated and hurt beyonds means. I still love the man even afte what he has done. Why, becaue I think he is damaged at the moment and when he isnt damaged he is a nice man and we get along great. Right now for some reason, maybe othe woman, he denies, he can't seem to foster any feelings for me and for him it is better being away. he says he doesn't want a divorce but doesn't his actions say he does. What should I do and how long should I wait. He said he will got to counselling, I doubt that he will so do I just let this run its course or do I proceed with a divorce I dont want. i don't want a seperation either, I wanted to work on our problems and he wont even give me the time of day to discuss the issues. he just says it has been going downhill for a while now and I agree it has but I have tried, read tons of relationship help books, know my part in this, his is quie a bit more, he is a blaming person, takes no responsibility and turns everythng around and says if you wouldn't have done that I wouldnt have done this and so forth.

I know you just have to go thru this one day at a time but it is so very hard. 

any suggestions or anyone who has been in a similar situatin and got it turned around?


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

Clinging is the worst thing you can do because at this point you become the puppet that he can string along and do whatever he wants. He knows you'll always be there whenever and wherever.

That hardest (but most effective) thing to do is NOT say a word and stay away. If he doesn't hear from you for a while, he will start wondering why and if you've gone on with you life?

As a matter of fact, the first time he calls or wants to get together, turn him down. Tell him you have other commitments but don't tell him what it is ... even if you're just sitting home alone. Tell him, maybe some other time and you'll let him know when. Now the ball is in your court!

Let's face it, the thing we want most is the thing we can't have and this will drive him crazy.

Give him a little time to stew then agree to have lunch with him or something. You'll be surprised at how mellow some people can get after this happens. All of a sudden they're no longer in control and you're able to talk to them sensibly and they begin to actually listen ,... and best of all ... comprehend what you're saying!

If you're worried about him forgetting about you that quickly, it won't happen! You don't live with somebody that long and suddenly just forget about them. He's looking for greener pastures, but unless you've done something terribly wrong and unforgivable ... he won't find it.


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

Thank you for that. I tried that today but I broke and texted him after work. He said he was going to councelling and I wanted to know if he did. He says he did. My husband is very stubborn and I'm afraid if he thinks I don't want him he will just get stubborn and won't contact me. Like you said he knows I love him so if I'm not there, I'm afraid he will run faster. I'm trying look at treads regarding 180 and can't seem to find them but I'll keep looking.

I'll try your advice. he told me tonight he wants to go to marriage counselling but I haven't agreed to it yet. I told him if he has already checked out of the marriage then there is no point. I told him he could go to councelling on his own while still living at our home he didn't have to move out but now I haven't heard from him.

I think there is someone else, why would he just run away like that and not committ to working this out? He is very selfish and can't cope with stress well. And everything wrong with our marriage was my fault. I didn't support him or I treated him like a child but he can't come up with specifics when I ask him too. He says I belittled him and didn't appreciate him, hence an affair partner can provide him with all those things now.

I want my marriage to work - 33 years is long time and I miss him.


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## Kauaiguy (May 8, 2011)

Thank you for that. I tried that today but I broke and texted him after work. *You must remain strong because he knows your weaknesses, he can keep this up. *

My husband is very stubborn and I'm afraid if he thinks I don't want him he will just get stubborn and won't contact me.
S*o am I, I'm a TAURUS! but nobody is that stubborn when it concerns a broken marriage.*

I think there is someone else. *If true, a temporary fling, someone with an apron that he can cry on. One who is willing to listen for now until it becomes obvious that they are just being used.*

Everything wrong with our marriage was my fault. I didn't support him or I treated him like a child but he can't come up with specifics when I ask him too. *This is why the separation without contact is good at this time, because it will give him a change to miss you and to start thinking about where he contributed to the problem. Once he realizes this and begins to accept his faults, then it becomes not only possible but probable that you marriage can be salvaged. *

I want my marriage to work - 33 years is long time and I miss him. * I too were married 33 years, but my wife opted for a divorce. However, once I moved out and on my own and I stopped contacting her, all of a sudden, she finds excuses to come visit me.* Time will tell where this goes. Who knows?


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

Thank you once again. How did you survive without your wife after 33 years? Why did she want a divorce - was there someone else for her? Sorry, i don't know your story but I appreciate the advice - it sounds like you know what you are talking about.

I will try it today. I did turn my phone off last night but did check it first thing this morning and no contact.

It hurts when I don't hear from him, I want him to contact me and try and work on us.

I will try and be strong.

Thanks


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

kauaiguy said:


> clinging is the worst thing you can do because at this point you become the puppet that he can string along and do whatever he wants. He knows you'll always be there whenever and wherever.
> 
> That hardest (but most effective) thing to do is not say a word and stay away. If he doesn't hear from you for a while, he will start wondering why and if you've gone on with you life?


This. Is. The. Only. Way.


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## Clinging (May 14, 2011)

Has anyone got any success stories where this actually worked and a reconciliation happened?

If they are in love with someone else isn't it easier on them to forget about you if you are not constantly in their face about things?

Just want to hear good news for a change and that there is hope?


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