# My husband is 26 and has low libido :(



## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

I don't know what to do. I feel rejected, unattractive, among other things. My husband is 26 and claims that he does not desire sex m uxh anymore and on top of that he states that during sex he always loses his erection but he claims it has nothing to do with me or his feelings for me. he says he still fantasises about me all the time but has a problem with the actual act of it. What is going on? I know low T is rare for his age. He is overweight so could that be the problem? All I know is I feel like a loser because I practically beg for sex then he gets mad at me and tells me it is not a turn on if I ask for it but he does not ever initiate it. Maybe I am over sexed but I would take sex with him 4-5-6 days a week. I love it. What should I do? I suggested he go to a doctor but he got really angry at the suggestion and I know he won't follow through with it even though I told him this could ruin our marriage. Sex feels like he is doing me a favor, a chore. I miss the intimacy and passion and always having his hands all over me. I am still attracted to him after 9 years together. I really hate myself right now and don't know if this is something a couple can ever recover from. Is it?


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## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

I also want to add that I recently found porno on his cell phone and he denies he was looking at it and said some guy at work was on his phone (lol I am not stupid ) and I don't care about that...except for the fact that I feel like it replaced me. Also he states he only "takes care of himself" maybe once a month. Is this normal?


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## larniegrl (Oct 7, 2009)

I wonder if he is struggling with depression? Have you ever tried never asking...making him come to you? How long does it take...if ever? 

Being overweight could make it harder for him to feel adequate in the bedroom...also does he drink much? Sometimes prolong alcohol/pot can cause low libido...

It is frustrating to be the partner who wants more, and it does hit our self-esteem...especially if we find porn on top of everything else. It might help to take a BIG BREATH and step back...just let this part of the relationship chill for a little while and see what happens.


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## numb1 (Jun 23, 2010)

I know how you feel as my situation is similar to yours. Although my husband isn't overweight and doesn't loose his erection, he just constantly rejects me. I know your pain and am glad to hear someone else have the same view on the porn. I had absolutly no problem with it until he said sex just wasn't a need or priority but then I caught him watching porn. I too have had my self esteem crushed and find myself feeling gross and low. I'm sorry I really have no good advise other than to keep your head up and realize its not your fault and you're not alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

What was his desire level like at the start? Have you changed much physically?

At 26 - unless he is literally on his deathbed - he should not be having this much trouble. Better for you to find someone who really is attracted to you.





Piecukonis said:


> I don't know what to do. I feel rejected, unattractive, among other things. My husband is 26 and claims that he does not desire sex m uxh anymore and on top of that he states that during sex he always loses his erection but he claims it has nothing to do with me or his feelings for me. he says he still fantasises about me all the time but has a problem with the actual act of it. What is going on? I know low T is rare for his age. He is overweight so could that be the problem? All I know is I feel like a loser because I practically beg for sex then he gets mad at me and tells me it is not a turn on if I ask for it but he does not ever initiate it. Maybe I am over sexed but I would take sex with him 4-5-6 days a week. I love it. What should I do? I suggested he go to a doctor but he got really angry at the suggestion and I know he won't follow through with it even though I told him this could ruin our marriage. Sex feels like he is doing me a favor, a chore. I miss the intimacy and passion and always having his hands all over me. I am still attracted to him after 9 years together. I really hate myself right now and don't know if this is something a couple can ever recover from. Is it?


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## maggierose (May 11, 2010)

I have had the same problem. My significant other swares up and down that it is not me, he just doesn't have the desire as often as he used to. I know things can tend to slow down in the bedroom when you are with someone for a while, but why? I feel terrible about it, so I can understand where you are coming from. I don't know what to tell you as I need advice on the topic myself. I took a step back and waited for him to come to me and eventually he did, but its just not the same passionate way it used to be, it did feel more like he was doing it just to satisfy me. Then things got better for a while and now I'm back in the same exact boat again. So please know you're not alone and I have actually considered leaving the relationship because of it.


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## FOM (Jun 23, 2010)

Could be something physical / hormonal, but as you already know this would be pretty rare for a 26 y/o. If you found porn on his phone, he might very well be addicted and now has unrealistic expectations about sex. Do you have access to his phone and computer?


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## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

larniegrl said:


> I wonder if he is struggling with depression? Have you ever tried never asking...making him come to you? How long does it take...if ever?
> 
> Being overweight could make it harder for him to feel adequate in the bedroom...also does he drink much? Sometimes prolong alcohol/pot can cause low libido...
> 
> It is frustrating to be the partner who wants more, and it does hit our self-esteem...especially if we find porn on top of everything else. It might help to take a BIG BREATH and step back...just let this part of the relationship chill for a little while and see what happens.


I have tried just waiting it out and when he does come to me it's maybe once a month and it's always a quick morning thing. 

We had a long talk about it and he is going to see a doctor because he tells me that healthwise he feels like he is a train wreck and now he also admits he is having a hard time keeping it up and hard and it's worrying him and making him feel less confident. So I guess we are on the right track and we are looking to find him a physician today. He has never been to a doctor before this.


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## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

I just can't help but feel like if he can't keep it up maybe it's me not being attractive enough or sexy enough like I'm not turning him on anymore. I am scared he is not in love with me anymore. We have had some serious relationship issues and he admitted to me last night that he has put up some serious walls but he was going to try to work through everything with me. (6 years ago I cheated on him...was always honest about it) I thought we had moved through all that but I guess in a lot of ways we haven't and now we are starting that journey.


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## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> What was his desire level like at the start? Have you changed much physically?
> 
> At 26 - unless he is literally on his deathbed - he should not be having this much trouble. Better for you to find someone who really is attracted to you.


No, he wasn't like this in the beginning. It started almost 3 years ago when I got pregnant with our 1st child. I've since had a 2nd baby and I have gained weight also. Both of us had...and both of us are actively working on that together.


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Piecukonis said:


> No, he wasn't like this in the beginning. It started almost 3 years ago when I got pregnant with our 1st child. I've since had a 2nd baby and I have gained weight also. Both of us had...and both of us are actively working on that together.


Are you meeting his emotional needs? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

I tell him I love him many many times a day. I tell him I respect him and appreciate him all the time and anytime he goes out of his way to help me with the kids or the house I always thank him. I give him space to go out and do his guy things with his friends like fishing, golf, hunting. I try not to nag (hard for any wife) and I take care of all the finances and most house and kid duties so he does not have to because he brings home the paycheck. I am not sure how to better meet his emotional needs. He does not really communicate that kind of stuff and even when I ask...he tells me he is happy. He really is a great hard working husband and father in EVERY other way. I am just dissapointed in our sex life.


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## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

Also he does not really drink or do any drugs. Used to be a pot smoker but quit about 4 months ago due to a very good job opportunity that came up and he is in the running for....he does not want to jepordize it with drug use. He only drinks the occasional beer maybe once a month. He is a tabacco user (cigs and chew) but is working on quitting that as I type.


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