# dazed and confused.



## helpless73

My husband and I heaved been married now a little over 3 years, in the beginning he told me of his childhood, being beat with coat hanger, mom being a drunk never having a stable life, he didn't know his real father till he was 8 and when his mom left his step father the only man he had ever know as a dad he met his real father who broke his collarbone because of getting multiple traction wrong, she left the father and went back then ended in divorce because the sister claimed she had been molested by him which was later determined was a lie, my husband didn't even know his sister until he was 6 because her father had taken her away from his mom.they lived from pillar to post most of his child life even homeless at times and he was forced to quit school due to his mom working in a bar and he would have to drive her home he was then left from the age of 14 till he was18 by himself to fend for himself in a government assisted apartment she kept rent paid and bills but never checked on him or brought groceries so he had a very difficult childhood.His mom has tried since that time to make up I guess and apparently she has but since we've been married I've had his ex girlfriends shoved down my throat, because I'm not one to hit the floor running when I first get up and cook her son breakfast I don't feed him,ive been told to clean my ceiling fans as well as windows now this is coming from a hoarder and a very dirty cluttered home that hasn't seen a good cleaning in years no lie.my husbands work keeps him out of town and I travel with him and his now step father is in the same line of work but when we are home and the step father is gone his momma needs a babysitter she does whatever she can to prevent us from spending time together she gets mad if he doesn't jump she pulls the pity party alot and for the last month my husband has a new profound love for his mom its been an everyday in our face for the last three weeks he spends all day with her then comes home talks to her on phone 4 and 5 times before he goes to bed then same thing all over again.his momma wants nothing more than to cause us problems and she is a narcissistic honestly she is but my husband is to stupid to realize what she's doing and if I say anything requiring this it ends up in a huge fight and I'm accused of not liking his mom and so on and the truth be known no I don't like her since I've realized she's not really my friend she thrives on making me miserable she throws up my secrets I've told her she talks about my fathers death knowing how bad it hurt me, talks about calling my step mom my moms name when she met my dad and how mad it made him she thinks its funny and my dad was a very sick man that only lived 3months after that visit. Their excuse for being together is he's working on her home which he is but hey one day a week Sunday we go to church just started now she's even going there which I'm ok with that but were trying to change and live right her intentions aren't for that its just to keep us from having anytime together alone its a constant battle here and I'm just left in the dark here.here it is valentines day he worked for her today he got home called her talk to her for 45mins then watched the boob tube till it was time for our church gathering come home called her talked for an hour now hasn't said two words to me since being off the phone with her.something's gotta give here I don't want my marriage to end in divorce and I have a feeling if this continues that's right where she will have us, cause she wants nothing more than to have her baby all to herself.yes I'm bitter and I feel I have a right to be...
so please if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this situation and make my husband realize I'm not just attacking his mom please tell me how to handle this cause I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter,I'm just the whipping post or just for sex... any advice would be greatly appreciated


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## PBear

Why did you marry into that mess? 

C


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## helpless73

He is a good man, he works hard, he provides for me in every way but the last 4weeks now have been impossible to get through.its hard to express my concerns when he believes his mom is doing no wrong he thinks she needs him but so do I and how do you get through to a man.


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## Decorum

My dad had to do it with his mom, and I have had to set some boundaries with mine. The husband is the protector, especially from his family.

I would appeal to him based on that, "Honey I look to you for your strength and protection as a man, I feel like you are not putting yourself in between me and a very damaging situation, I am waiting for you to step up, but I can't wait forever, before it destroys me I will have to take action to protect myself, I love you, and I am asking you to see my need and your responsibility here."

I think that should be clear enough, if not customize a 2x4 and let us know what his response is.

Take care!


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## happy as a clam

Punctuation, please. It's very hard to read through massive run-on sentences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine

It is very difficult to come between a man and his mother, I know because I put up with it for years. if i said anything I was fobbed off. A man should leave his mother and father and be with his wife in everything. He can treat his parents right but his wife must come first. If he goes to 'church' he should know and understand this principle. My husband only realised the interference and damage being done when we moved away from near where his parents lived for many years. We are now back in the same area and the control has been broken but the pity card is often played. He might come back from a long overseas trip but has to run there on some pretense. I accept it for what it is but in your case there is something really unnatural and co dependent about having hour long conversations with his mother. You need to sit him down and speak with him about it.


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