# Counselling update...



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

After a few individual sessions and our last group one our counsellor seems to believe that we are healthier compared to many others she's seen. She agrees that our problems are serious but that it's all apparently due to misunderstandings despite having a very open communication channel with each other.

She doesn't believe in our fight-makeup-fight-makeup routine however, even though it kept us together. She mentioned that we should have 20 minute breaks whenever either of us starts losing our temper. She also believes the fight-makeup-fight routine will negatively impact on our daughter eventually as well.

She also believes that I should be more transparent (in which... pffft! yeah right...) and also try to spend more time with my wife and find a couple's hobby either then our usual stuff since I now have more time. In regards to sex she doesn't believe my wife has a serious sex addiction however, not enough to organise group therapy for her. Bah!

Meh, lesson of the day: Counsellors can't help. Oh well


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> After a few individual sessions and our last group one our counsellor seems to believe that we are healthier compared to many others she's seen. She agrees that our problems are serious but that it's all apparently due to misunderstandings despite having a very open communication channel with each other.
> 
> She doesn't believe in our fight-makeup-fight-makeup routine however, even though it kept us together. She mentioned that we should have 20 minute breaks whenever either of us starts losing our temper. She also believes the fight-makeup-fight routine will negatively impact on our daughter eventually as well.
> 
> ...


Correction! That particular counsellor didn't help.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea and sometimes counseling takes a while to really get to the issue. They can't just wave a wand and see what the true problem is.

My therapist is great...but it's taken 7 weeks now to get to where we need to be.....I don't like being here (lollll talking about my mom and past bullshet) but it's important.

Give it more time, maybe?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

just like there are bad policemen/doctors /carpenterns/and every other professions there are bad counsellors.

the trick will be getting your wife to try a different one. because this one has indicated that shes kinda ok.and your wife was hesitant to go to one in the first place. Now your going to say I didn't like this one and she will probley say shes happy with this one


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah, we'll see how it goes, I'll express my dissatisfaction later, wonder what she'll say in response. The thing is though, I have a feeling the missus is just way too manipulative and stubborn to change so easily, I may have to be more specific in my search, perhaps find one with a similar history to the missus. Meh I'm so tired at this point


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Gotta watch out-some counselors are (man hating) divorce planners in disguise!


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

F-102 said:


> Gotta watch out-some counselors are (man hating) divorce planners in disguise!


the one we gave it up for when we thought we were at the end of our ropes was an obese feminist lesbian. I am not suggesting that any of those traits make for a bad counselor, nor am I prejudiced (in fact I knew all that about her at the beginning yet still put my faith and trust in her to help us). I think largely because of how her lifestyle choices color her own world she just really had no way to understand the dynamics at work in our relationship... and now that I've had my eyes opened to just how common that dynamic is in marriages, I wonder if she ever has been able to help "save" a marriage??


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I have a friend that's a marriage councilor. He told me he can tell, after one session, if either the wife or husband is just there to go through the motions, or if both couples are really truly engaged in making the marriage work. Of course, he said he can't tell them " this is pointless", because sometimes strange things do happen and a breakthrough may occur.

Not that this has any relevance to your sitch, but it just reminded me of his story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Here's the rub:

Therapy has a minimal impact if both partners are not committed.

Of course, if they were both committed partners, there's a much lesser need for therapy in the first place.

I really think individual counseling is much more valuable.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Here's the rub:
> 
> Therapy has a minimal impact if both partners are not committed.
> 
> ...


Qft
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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