# DH hates lubricant



## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

I'm in my 40s, 11 year marriage...we have rarely used lubricant in our sex life, but recently I have trouble getting "wet" on my own at certain times of the month. I don't think it's any big deal. DH hates the feeling of lubricant and says it diminishes his pleasure and sulks if I use it. And most of the time I don't use it. Or if I do, it's just a small amount. But I don't think it's fair for me to have an unpleasant or painful encounter just so he can maximize his own pleasure. Does lube really feel that bad for men?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Would you be ok if he used some of his saliva/spit instead of lube?

For me, if I am not wet, it does not feel right/even hurts a bit.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

I don't like the feel of lube. It's not at all like the real thing and some irritate me. Plan9 in another thread talked about coconut oil which is much better for me and more natural feeling and is nontoxic and not sticky. It's great for messages and other uses as well. If too much is applied it does diminish the friction somewhat so we try to use just enough.

Your husband needs to get over it and allow you to feel good as well.


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## PenguinCat (Jan 9, 2014)

Haven't tried lots of different brands because I don't want to waste money, since he says he hates all. Right now I have some Astrolube water based. Coconut oil sounds nice...


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I had no clue that some men didn't like the feeling of it. Ya learn something new every day.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I had no clue that some men didn't like the feeling of it. Ya learn something new every day.


Woman here and I find it's too slippery. Not a fan.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

This stuff is Da Bomb ! 
Better than the best coconut oil.
There are two things Germans know how to do:
1. Build cars.
2. Make lube.

Enjoy!
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ANG1S1G/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o03_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Organic coconut oil. The kind you cook with. Seriously. Try it.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Amazon.com: Slippery Stuff Gel Personal Lubricant, Water Soluble - 16 fl oz: Health & Personal Care

Gets pretty high ratings. I use it. GF loves it.
Since its water based it doesnt stain or leave sticky residue.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> Amazon.com: Slippery Stuff Gel Personal Lubricant, Water Soluble - 16 fl oz: Health & Personal Care
> 
> Gets pretty high ratings. I use it. GF loves it.
> Since its water based it doesnt stain or leave sticky residue.


You silly silly man. My lubricant makes your lubricant look like cement. 
I challenge you to a lube duel


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

UMP said:


> This stuff is Da Bomb !
> Better than the best coconut oil.
> There are two things Germans know how to do:
> 1. Build cars.
> ...



3. They turn meat into wonderful phallus tasting food.

Give your husband a mr.fisty and ask him how no lube feels. JK.

Really, he should be more considerate. Have you tried a lot of foreplay, all day seduction, teasing, to help prime yourself on those days. Make him put a little effort into it to get you lubricated. If you cannot, then he is out of luck. There is always a lubricated condom if he complains. If all lubes does not do it for him, there is always a rain check.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Coconut oil is great, but not safe with latex. Silicone lubes are great, long-lasting AND safe with latex, but not with most sex toys as many are made with silicone. Water based lubes are generally safe, but most "dry out" and leave a sticky, unpleasant residue. Water based lubes with Carrageenan have less of this tendency, and it is an inhibitor of HPV. Oil based (e.g., petroleum jelly) are not safe with latex.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

PenguinCat said:


> I'm in my 40s, 11 year marriage...we have rarely used lubricant in our sex life, but recently I have trouble getting "wet" on my own at certain times of the month. I don't think it's any big deal. DH hates the feeling of lubricant and says it diminishes his pleasure and sulks if I use it. And most of the time I don't use it. Or if I do, it's just a small amount. But I don't think it's fair for me to have an unpleasant or painful encounter just so he can maximize his own pleasure. Does lube really feel that bad for men?


I think we started using lube in our early 40's too.
I was at first adverse to it, but reality is reality. We ain't 18 any more. He'll get with the program, give him some time.
I'm 53 and now I buy it by the case.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

> DH hates the feeling of lubricant and says it diminishes his pleasure and sulks if I use it. And most of the time I don't use it. Or if I do, it's just a small amount. But I don't think it's fair for me to have an unpleasant or painful encounter just so he can maximize his own pleasure. Does lube really feel that bad for men?


The only time I would have an issue is if a large amount is used, other than that no problem. 

Also, I have no idea the exact nature of your issue so take this for what it is worth. Sometimes a little applied only to the outside across the entrance is all that is really needed. But you need to use whatever is necessary to make you comfortable. 

You can always start light and add a little more as you go as well.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Married but Happy said:


> Coconut oil is great, but not safe with latex. Silicone lubes are great, long-lasting AND safe with latex, but not with most sex toys as many are made with silicone. Water based lubes are generally safe, but most "dry out" and leave a sticky, unpleasant residue. Water based lubes with Carrageenan have less of this tendency, and it is an inhibitor of HPV. Oil based (e.g., petroleum jelly) are not safe with latex.


I have used that particular German "silicone" lube with silicone sex toys for over 10 years with no issues.
Just sayin.

Stuff in my post #8


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Oh yeah, the different type feel different. Astroglide water based is very slippery initially. The silicone stuff is not as slick initially and more consistent. No experience with coconut oil but I would think that would be closer to the latter.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I find it disturbing that he sulks. I get that he might not care for it but sulking suggests your pleasure isn't that important. You put up with not having it some to make him happy, he can put up with it some to make you happy.

Is he like this in other aspects as well?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I'm not a fan of lubricant either.

We don't need it, but a couple of years ago we tried some that was suppose to enhance 'feeling'. didn't work.

Nevertheless, if she needed it, I wouldn't hesitate to let her use some. Our problem currently is she gets tooooo wet. and I have to go 2 - 3 times. (which isn't a bad thing btw).


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> I had no clue that some men didn't like the feeling of it. Ya learn something new every day.


Me either, we just started using lubricant a couple of years ago when I went through menopause and needed it. It's just part of our routine now, I don't know why your husband doesn't like it, I wouldn't think it would affect his feeling, it's not a condom.


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

I second or third the organic unrefined coconut oil. It smells and tastes delicious, it isn't goopy, or drying, and absorbs into the skin to provide just the right feeling.


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

I won't have sex without lube. Ouch!


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

PenguinCat said:


> Haven't tried lots of different brands because I don't want to waste money, since he says he hates all. Right now I have some Astrolube water based. Coconut oil sounds nice...


Coconut oil had another benefit. Before we tried it as a lube I was using it on my hands to reduce the winter dryness cracking. One night I offered to message her feet with coconut oil and we went to bed. Evidently it caused an itch that needed to be scratched and the next morning she initiated (rare for her, LD) and she was super wet. . Anything that can induce natural lubrication is great in my book.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

PenguinCat said:


> I'm in my 40s, 11 year marriage...we have rarely used lubricant in our sex life, but recently I have trouble getting "wet" on my own at certain times of the month. I don't think it's any big deal. DH hates the feeling of lubricant and says it diminishes his pleasure and sulks if I use it. And most of the time I don't use it. Or if I do, it's just a small amount. But I don't think it's fair for me to have an unpleasant or painful encounter just so he can maximize his own pleasure. Does lube really feel that bad for men?


I couldn't say anymore - I haven't had sex without lubricant in over 30 years. It's a lot better than no sex without lubricant. Tell Mr. Sulky to suck it up. Experiment with different lubes - they have _very_ different textures. 

My personal favorite is called Probe. It's water based with a texture similar to natural mucus.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
there are lots of different types with different textures. Some places have sample packs. You should be able to find something that works well for both of you.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I find it disturbing that he sulks. I get that he might not care for it but sulking suggests your pleasure isn't that important.


I actually wonder if it's a case of him feeling like a bad lover, or not feeling attractive enough, taking her lack of wetness personally. 

When some guys complain about lube that's at the heart of the complaint; wounded pride.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

UMP said:


> You silly silly man. My lubricant makes your lubricant look like cement.
> I challenge you to a lube duel


Sure!
But I dont need to oil myself like a car.

No friction means no feeling.:smthumbup:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I actually wonder if it's a case of him feeling like a bad lover, or not feeling attractive enough, taking her lack of wetness personally.
> 
> When some guys complain about lube that's at the heart of the complaint; wounded pride.


I definitely get that feeling myself. I just assume that if she were actually turned on then she'd be wet.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*While lubes can often be a necessity, please never use any of those "warming" lubes! Those things are so ultra-artificial, not to even mention that it burns the everlasting hell out of my manhood!*


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

jaquen said:


> I actually wonder if it's a case of him feeling like a bad lover, or not feeling attractive enough, taking her lack of wetness personally.
> 
> When some guys complain about lube that's at the heart of the complaint; wounded pride.


Quite possible. It's unproductive and unattractive though, and it basically burying his head in the sand while his wife doesn't enjoy herself. Real adults address these problems together.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

He sulks? What is he a child?

Lube is an absolutely requirement for anal!


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Um you know that is really bad, right? 



MarriedGuy221 said:


> LOL Sandie I think I have only run across a couple of your posts but they're both about anal! You must be one fun girl - haven't gotten in that door but I've pretended to miss a few times and sneak in


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## feeling lost (Oct 17, 2009)

Try a silicon based lubricant and apply long before you have sex -like two hours. It is long lasting and silky.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

MarriedGuy221 said:


> LOL Sandie I think I have only run across a couple of your posts but they're both about anal! You must be one fun girl - haven't gotten in that door but I've pretended to miss a few times and sneak in


Wow, this is terrible. Are you joking?


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

My H and i had this exact same issue while I was breastfeeding. It's beyond inconsiderate. If he cares more about maximizing his pleasure that hurting your body, he has serious issues. My H escalated this behavior and ended up pretty much raping me (I told him it hurt and he wouldn't stop, just finished). You guys should get to a counselor together STAT, so he can hear from someone else what a jerk he's being, and you can decide if you want to be with someone like that.

Good luck, be strong.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

northernlights said:


> Wow, this is terrible. Are you joking?


I agree. I hope you're not then going back to PiV after doing that. Totally unsanitary for your wife.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Close to a hundred years ago, when my first wife and I were having sex, we used some lube from time to time. After I got used to the idea, it was alright. Before that, it was an affront to my manhood. 

Doesn't she think I'm attractive? Don't I turn her on? What am I doing wrong? How can we be married if she isn't ready most of the time when we have sex? And so many more

I could have gotten over it quicker if she was honest and I wasn't a jerk. I could have gotten over it quicker if I felt safe enough to be vulnerable and tell her my thoughts. What a mess I was, but I surely thought I was a "man". It meant everything.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Guys, please don't worry. Sometimes our heads can be in the moment but our bodies do not want to cooperate. It doesn't mean we aren't attracted.


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## northernlights (Sep 23, 2012)

Medication can cause it too. My BFF always experiences dryness if she takes allergy medication.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I'm in favor of anything that makes sex more enjoyable. Lube, toys, dirty movies, feathered masks - whatever happens to float your boats.


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## Sandie (Mar 31, 2015)

MarriedGuy221 said:


> LOL Sandie I think I have only run across a couple of your posts but they're both about anal! You must be one fun girl


That's what they tell me!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

It's all in the packaging.

http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natur...959963&sr=8-1&keywords=55+gallon+drum+of+lube


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> It's all in the packaging.
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natur...959963&sr=8-1&keywords=55+gallon+drum+of+lube


o...m...g... :lol: :rofl:


Just wow. 55 gallons...at least it comes with a lube pump though. That's really convenient.


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> It's all in the packaging.
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natur...959963&sr=8-1&keywords=55+gallon+drum+of+lube


One would be set for all lifetime


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> It's all in the packaging.
> 
> Amazon.com: Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon: Health & Personal Care


One would be set for all lifetime


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Also chiming in as a guy who doesn't like lube. Next to condoms it's the thing I like least if needed. I have never been with a woman who needed it consistently so never thought much about it. I do know that if used too often I it can get rash on my privates so no good.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

maritalloneliness said:


> One would be set for all lifetime


Or one very memorable weekend.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

PenguinCat said:


> I'm in my 40s, 11 year marriage...we have rarely used lubricant in our sex life, but recently I have trouble getting "wet" on my own at certain times of the month. I don't think it's any big deal. DH hates the feeling of lubricant and says it diminishes his pleasure and sulks if I use it. And most of the time I don't use it. Or if I do, it's just a small amount. *But I don't think it's fair for me to have an unpleasant or painful encounter just so he can maximize his own pleasure.* Does lube really feel that bad for men?


No, it's not fair that you are in pain during sex when there is a simple solution. And it's totally wrong that he dismisses your pain while wanting the best sex he can get. 

That is one of the reasons women stop wanting to have sex with their partners (pain and dismissal of your needs), and start to believe their partners only care about using their bodies instead of emotional intimacy. 

I for sure would not be having any sex if it were painful and he didn't give a damn about my pain. I have sex for mutual pleasure and emotional intimacy, not to be a wet hole whose personal enjoyment and comfort are of no concern.

Ask your H whether he would prefer lube to NO sex? Because that's where you two might end up - sexless.


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Am a regular user of natural (unscented) coconut oil, and love it. It's just the right consistency. Feels like your partner's very WET!


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