# I hate my husband when he's drunk



## mamadcp (Apr 6, 2015)

My husband has a drinking problem,
He has never hit me but whenever he's had enough to drink he picks a fight and starts cussing and hurts my feelings which I think is almost as bad as hitting
Most of the time he's a loving husband, good Dad and provider
But he has PTSD and when he drinks on the weekends he becomes another person
I have talked to him about drinking and he said he would not stop period.
Can I leave? no
I have no money, my job only gives me $800 a month and I have 2 kids

If only he could be the sweet guy he's most of the time
But when he drinks he makes me hate him to the point I want to kick his ****ing ass like for real
I need a way to manage my anger
I'm so sad right now
I hate when he treats me like ****


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Have you set him down and told him there's a problem?

Nothing worse than a drunk. You're going to have to put your foot down on this somehow.

It'll get worse not better. Picture a full blown alcoholic who can't keep a job and pisses the bed.

That's your future. If he won't stop start looking for a way out now. 

Are the kids his?


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I don't particularly care for mine when he's drunk either.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Roxxolid (Jul 29, 2015)

The only way to get what you want in this situation is to sit down and talk to them in the early morning when they're sober. You tell them what it feels like to be abused and that you want it to stop. Then you give them the address and time for that evenings Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and tell them that if they aren't there at the meeting then you'll go and all the neighbors you see going on a drive after dinner will hear what you have to say about your husband.


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## Sure that could work (Jun 9, 2015)

I am sorry you aren't liking your husband much on weekends. If he really has PTSD he is probably self medicating with alcohol. Does he go to a counselor for the PTSD? Is the PTSD an actual diagnosis? 

If he isn't currently in counseling he needs to find one and get himself some help instead of seeking help in the bottom of a beer or bottle.

You need to join ALANON (sp). You need some support from a group that knows exactly what you are going through. This probably isn't something you can "fix" on your own or with self help ideas or books.

(((((Hugs))))))


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

You don't have a whole lot of leverage right now. Everything is fine as far as he sees it...and since threatening of leaving is not an option that he think you have, there really is very little you can do to get him to see how damaging the booze is to the family.

He is going to have to see this for himself. He may have said his sorrys the following morning concerning the times he may have gone overboard, but nothing really has changed, has it?

People rarely change unless they feel and sense pain and loss because of their behavior. He will feel it when the love in his marriage grows cold and when his children grow to despise him later in life...and either avoid him or wind up just like him. Hopefully things will change before then...but for that to happen, he is going to have to experience some pretty significant pain.

This why you have to confront this and make an ultimatum...me or the booze. And if he chooses booze, then you are out. He knows he can choose booze now because you are not willing to play your only power card, which is "goodbye." I mean, you can do little passive cooking, cleaning, or sex strikes...but it sounds like he doesn't take you seriously, so he probably won't be bothered much or just call you crazy.

You have to be willing to hit this head on...have a gameplan. Make the hard call...and get family support.


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## lifecolorful (Oct 5, 2015)

This is a very difficult situation to be in. I have found myself in the same situation with my husband. 
He recently started drinking again, and it makes me very nervous, so much that I have nightmares about it. 
He sounds dependent on alcohol to get him through the weekends. One thing I do is distract my husband when I know he wants to drink. I asked him to help me with building a table in the backyard just the other day, building things is a hobby he used to enjoy. I try to do things with him and always give him lots of encouragement and remind him I like spending time with him (sober).
I know this is not always possible with kids, and life. My husband seems to respond well to doing productive things and has even started the weekends off getting things done as opposed to cracking one open. 
This is a lot of work for me, but it helps him see there are alternatives to being drunk.


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## hotshotdot (Jul 28, 2015)

Please find your local AL-ANON group ASAP. This problem gets worse, not better, with time. My first husband was an alcoholic, once the verbal abuse starts it only gets worse & will end up physical at some point. 

It starts with verbal abuse, then they start to punch holes in doors, break things, throwing things, etc. After that it becomes physical. My ex never hit me either but he did push me, grab me, & throw things at me. I'm all of 100 pounds & he was 180, so yes his pushing & grabbing me did result in physical harm, just nothing anyone could see with clothes on. 

I too had young children & was working from home (for my ex) with no income of my own so I know how hard it is to leave. Confide in a trusted friend or family member & have them help you set up an escape plan. Even if you don't plan to leave, you should be prepared in case you have to. You just need something temporary until you can get an emergency child support order. 

He needs to get help & may not be willing to do so. Sometimes you have to show them that you are willing & able to leave before they see that you're serious. I left my ex when I had nothing but 2 little mouths to feed & no money before he finally went to AA.

I went to a Temp Agency & got a job right away, friends volunteered to help with the kids until I could get on my feet. 4 months of AA & marriage counseling & I went back to him. I kept my job & have worked ever since. Our marriage lasted 2 more years (he started drinking again shortly after we got back together), but this time I was prepared. I have never regretted leaving, or even taking him back after the first time (I wanted to try everything to make it work). The only thing I regret is not having left him the first time sooner.

Please take care of yourself, whether through counseling or AA or preferably both. Your children need you to take care of yourself so that you can take care of them.


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