# Very interesting........



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Hey guys and girls! so I was reading this thing about the science of Kissing well it was sent to me and then I started reading tons of things on it. HA I know I am a little obsessive on things right! but anyways! so it talks about the chemicals and things that transfer when you kiss. Its crazy they think that a kiss isnt just a kiss that people do it to determin a mate or compatability. it can make or break a relationship. AND I have to say I agree. there have been people that I have kissed the first time and was like ughhhh then I had to kiss them again to see if the spark was there if not then done! so I think that I finally know why! why it is that it ended and he didnt go forward with that third kiss. THE CHEMISTRY. non excisting! but the interesting thing is that it said most men would sleep with a women regardless of the kiss being good or bad and women wont. hmm... I dont know just thought you guys could respond or not!


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

See Youtube "Despondex"


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

there are a lot of different elements to a body. we happen to be a society obsessed with science, so chemicals and all that becomes the focus. If its also the persons focus, then a kiss can determine a partner. but chemicals are only one element. just depends on which one the person puts the most stock in.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya interesting! I think that it takes me the second kiss to really know if its a go or not you know! so.... The first time sometimes usually always is weird!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

lol. i never put much stock in a kiss. i always thought it was just for fun. i never really thought about sexual compatibility... which explains a few things.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya for sure you are right. I feel so stupid sometimes thinking about how I flipped out over what my hubby did. I want to slap myself seriuosly the other night I was talking to my cousin she told me that she would be more upset if her husband did what I did "strip poker" getting naked then what my husband did "Kissing" I thought that was interesting she thinks being naked with people is way more sexual on another level.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

well, i dont think you should feel stupid for flipping out. just because you did something worse doesnt mean that what he did hurts you any less. it doesnt really work that way. what you did might have hurt him but what he did hurt you. the pain doesnt cancel out like a mathematical equation. the only thing his kissing episode might do is give you a little empathy for how he was feeling b/c of your mistake. 

My H always used to pull a reverse situation on me. if i told him something he did hurt me, he'd say, 'well you did xyz.' so i always tell him, 'if you want to talk about how what i did hurt you after this, then fine. but right now we're talking about how what you did affected me.' that way you keep both your situations and emotions separate, and dont try and cancel out how each other is feeling.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Wow ljseng that thing your husband does with you throwing what you did in your face when you confront him on something is exactly what my husband does to me. I hate that and I always say what you say!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

ya i think everyone does it. i know i do it to my H sometimes, too. im sure both of you are really hurt right now so its probably hard to resolve things, but just give it time and be patient. learning to talk about these things is really hard.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya for sure the hard part I noticed is when you start thinking about things in the past that piss you off that they did or didnt do you know. And for me I look at pics through the year of all of us and if there is one where he is posed with her or something it makes me even more pissed. I dont like that we hung out with these people the entire year and I had no clue NO CLUE ugh makes me sick.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

ya i know what you mean. i was thinking about something the other day that pissed me off, or hurt me, and i was debating bringing it up. it was a couple years ago but it really hurt me. im not sure if i should just drop it because my poor H feels like i always bring up the bad stuff, and lately it does seem like he says sorry a lot. and of course whenever i think about how much he lied to me i still get pissed off. i dont bring that up anymore, though. i figure that is my issue to deal with now. he's apologized enough and i know he is sorry.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya I know it I have to think to myself I have dont some messed up things to him and he isnt throwing that in my face so I should cut some slack on him.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

ljtseng said:


> ya i think everyone does it. i know i do it to my H sometimes, too. im sure both of you are really hurt right now so its probably hard to resolve things, but just give it time and be patient. learning to talk about these things is really hard.


I don't think everyone does this, but I think it's common. I call it Tit for Tat... 

We have started to impliment something to help this. We can't say you did this without saying how that made us feel. For instance, if I push her to talk about the same thing for a long period of time, she will say when you push me to talk about something over and over it puts too much pressure on me. I feel like nothing I say will satisfy what you're asking. We can then look at how I am communicating what I need from her, so she can feel more comfortable sharing.

I then can state my grievance. It will be something like, I feel neglected when you make promises for intimacy, and you don't follow through with that. And so on and so forth.....


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya so what do you do about talking with your spouse and its like that situation of they tell you but they arent telling you 100% everything. Like for example when I played strip poker it took me awhile to tell my H everything Not that I was hiding anything that I did cause I knew it was wrong but I didnt tell him everything little you know. But I feel that he is doing that with me to. And honestly if he did like her I really dont think that he would tell me that. He would never tell me that.


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## Dancing Nancie (Jul 1, 2008)

sunflower said:


> Ya so what do you do about talking with your spouse and its like that situation of they tell you but they arent telling you 100% everything. Like for example when I played strip poker it took me awhile to tell my H everything Not that I was hiding anything that I did cause I knew it was wrong but I didnt tell him everything little you know. But I feel that he is doing that with me to. And honestly if he did like her I really dont think that he would tell me that. He would never tell me that.


At some point you are going to have to move past the things that have happened in the past, and move forward to build on a better way for the future. Once you have built a level of trust and understanding you can go back and talk about those things openly. If you can't get past those issues, you will never be able to move forward. 

I have plenty of **** that bothers me about our past, and things I know she has kept from me. We have talked about some of those things as our communication has gotten better. It will never completely go away, but you will think of that stuff less and less.

The trick is drawing a line and saying from today forward I will not communicate in a way that is going to make it hard for us to have conflict resolution. I think conflict resolution is a key to a happy marriage. If you never actually resolve your problems, they will never actually go away.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I KNOW IT. I am ok now I am really. Just have moments thats normal I THINK! but ya I miss my old life my friend everything. I hate it I really want to see her and hang out like old times but then I dont I want to hate her guts.


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