# My wife has cheated on me AGAIN!



## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

my story is my wife a 2 EAs and we have started a trial separation to get some space (I made this happen with a lot of effort, she resisted it and wanted to stay).

5 days into the separation with her in her own flat, HER best mate called me up last night and told me she had seen that guy again, at the new flat, that I pay for, the day before

She told me not to trust anything she says.

I am so hurt because this means it's 100% over and she is obviously having a physical affair with him

I have been awake all night, now I need to work from 6am and sort my son out for school. I am going off the rails

I am so sad I really thought we might still work out. I can't bear the thought of them together

I feel sick in my stomach, I told her I am no longer paying her rent and that I want a divorce

she sent me 3 texts, I sent her 1 this morning and she isn't replying (it's 5am)

I have literally been awake all night, I am a total mess


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

Sorry dude, hurts I know, wish i could tell ya somthing to make you feel better, its too late to down a bottle of wine if ya gotta get up soon, but I would just wallow in it for a day or so, then get out there and get some new poon, thatll make ya feel better.:smthumbupi know i could use sum) remember, everything happens for a reason, youll be OK, weve all been there.

Oh and stop paying her frikn rent!!!!!!!!!


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I was only paying her rent when it was a trial separation. We were to date once a week for 6 months and various other things. That's all fubar now, she's getting nothing

I don't even know how to get some new poon, I am 29 and have been married for 8 years. Before that I was in a long term rel. for 3 years (that ended with her kissing someone else).


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I have just confirmed it, she had sex with him on Monday

how can I get through this, I need to see her every week for the rest of my life for my son it's awful I am sick


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

just found out that she was sleeping with him 2 months back in a friends house

it's all coming together now

meeting her in 3 hours. I don't know why but I want her to admit it to me.

Is that just pointless?


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Just a question.... Can you really look at what you do or dont do in a relationship to have the 2 most significant women in your romantic life cheat on you? This is not meant to be an insult, but rather a self reflection, bc it happened twice now and if you dont figure out what you are contributing, it will more than likely happen again. Oh, also... why would you listen to a female friend tell you something like that? Im a woman and not to cut on all women, but I know that not all have the best intentions when they say "good intended" things... one female "friend" of my husbands "good intentions" was the beginning of the end of our relationship. 

Did you find out about the sex 2 months back from her or your friend?


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

2 months back sec was from a completely different friend. I have 3 people confirm the same stories now, she has been having sex with him regularly. Apparently I am the only one who doesn't know. I am such an idiot.

I agree on the self reflection although that's not much consolation right now, at the moment I am living minute to minute trying to keep the images of them out my head. I am so devastated

I don't know whether to see her or not in 2 hours. I just want to hear it from her lips for some reason. I want her to admit it and say she regrets it, and wants me back, to aid my own feelings. She said in text she wants me back

There is no way I can stay with the girl now, this is way way way too much

I still can't believe it, 8 years marriage and she has thrown away her family. stupid stupid girl


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

While I'm all for trying to save marriages, I don't think you can on this one.

Yeah, you will have to see her if you want to see your kid, but every time you do, just think to yourself that you moved on from a crappy situation.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

You probably want to hear it from her because you want her to admit that you aren't crazy, paranoid, jealous, whatever she might have labeled you as LOL. You want her to admit she was doing it the whole time and lying to you, while making you feel like you were going out of your mind. 

I definately agree that this really might be unrepairable.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I just talked to her for 2.5hours. I feel better, got it all off my chest.

She admitted she has been seeing him but not that they had sex. It's unbelievable that she can still deny it.

By the end of our conversation, I think she was starting to realise that she has thrown away everything for a bit of excitement. 

He even has a girlfriend that doesn't know about this, she will in about 2 hours though as I have her email address. My wife has chronic hep b too, bet she didn't tell him. He probably has it now and has passed it in turn to his gf. I'll tell her this too and I suspect it will feed back to him. Poor girl.

She's begging to come back over and over via text. I just keep telling her to call her boyfriend. She won't though, it's not fun now, it's not exciting anymore.

Onwards and upwards.


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## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

hope yur feelin better man:smthumbup:


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

Turns out his girlfriend knew nothing about it and they have been together 12 YEARS!

This has now destroyed an 8 year marriage, a 12 year relationship and hurt countless other people

for what? a few occassions of sex? makes no sense at all

got 5 hours sleep and woke up with a hangover. Today this girl wants to know the whole story, poor poor girl


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

my "wife" has spent all night texting me (I'm not even replying) asking for 1 more chance.

Never never never never. All my friends just keep saying don't listen, it's easy to start thinking that we could try again.

I have been here several times with the EAs and always cracked, but not this time. Physical cheating is too much for me


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

My guess is that if you allow her back into your life, you will be here in a few months complaining that she has done it again.

you know, you may have played a part in this (these are usually not one-sided problems), but the fact that she has chosen to go elsewhere rather than face the issues and repair them speaks volumes.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

f1r3f1y3 said:


> Never never never never. All my friends just keep saying don't listen, it's easy to start thinking that we could try again.


Yup it's easy to think to try again. For one reason or another there's a lot of love there but that love isn't doing any good.

I went "no contact" with my wife for 8 months. In that time I was able to recover from the negative emotions and the time and distance helped me put things in perspective and make my judgements. I also came to understand my wife a lot more and at last accept her for who she is rather than the image I had of her.

Recently in the times I've broken contact trying to establish some working relationship for the upcoming divorce and to remember the good times with her I've just got burned yet again. Some lessons are hard and take a while to learn.

Bob


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm so sorry. All I can tell you is that there are TONS of women out there who are looking for someone just like you.

But NO DATING for at least 3 months, ok? No rebounds! Don't do that to some poor woman.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

turns out telling his girlfriend was a terrible idea.

She has now left him, he called me up and said I was going to face the consequences of ruining his relationship. He said "I feel like coming over there right now and doing it but that's not how I do these things"

He's obviously going to have me beaten up.

We have sent some texts back and forward, he keeps saying things like "you should get back with your wife, she's a nice girl" he also called me a "nice chap". In the last one I asked him if he was going to beat me up and he hasn't replied, which means yes.

He knows bad people, apparently.

So all in all, I have now been cheated on, lost my wife and now I'm going to get done in. 

Should have kept my mouth shut, IDIOT


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Uh, you ASKED him if he was going to beat you? Doesn't that sound a little silly?

Call the police.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

It was how the conversation went.. he was being mellow and nice, it was so weird.

I called the police, they came round briefly but said they couldn't do anything unless I wanted to make a complaint against him. If I do that they'll go round to his house and that'll make it worse


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

his last text was "Well she has left! So as I said its done. Just need to see what happens. U should sort things out with x, she's a nice girl!"

Doesn't sound like someone who would have someone beaten up? However "just need to see what happens" may refer to me seeing what happens to me. Same language he used on the phone.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, I'd be letting everyone know what he said. Your friends, his friends, your wife, his parents...hard to follow through on something like that once everyone knows who it'll be coming from.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

f1r3f1y3 said:


> his last text was "Well she has left! So as I said its done. Just need to see what happens. U should sort things out with x, she's a nice girl!"
> 
> Doesn't sound like someone who would have someone beaten up? However "just need to see what happens" may refer to me seeing what happens to me. Same language he used on the phone.


 So what? He is insignificant. He's an ant. Less than an ant.

You have more important things on your mind than a lowlife. Move on.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I told my wife who basically just said "you shouldn't have told her"

I don't know his friends or parents, I know very little about him. I suspect it'll be his friends doing the beating


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I would like to think like that but I don't really want to get beaten up or spend the next 6 months looking over my shoulder. I feel so stupid for telling her

what else can possibly go wrong


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

f1r3f1y3~

Just to be clear, it is not YOU who is facing the consequences of ruining his relationship. YOU told the truth. HE is the one who cheated, and HE is the one who lied to his girlfriend so she was not able to decide for herself whether to stay with a cheater or not, and HE is the one who committed adultery with your wife!!

All you did was tell the truth. 

So can you see how he is taking the blame and responsibility for his own actions, and projecting all of that onto you? You did nothing more than inform his girlfriend of his actual actions. She decided from there. If he doesn't like the consequences of committing adultery, maybe he should stop.... Hmmm....


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I totally understand that, but at the moment, concentrating just on myself, this has just given me another problem and a pretty big one


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

so tired and can't eat feel sick, scared, hurt

what has happened here


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

f1r3f1y3 said:


> I totally understand that, but at the moment, concentrating just on myself, this has just given me another problem and a pretty big one


It's at times like these we discover a lot about ourselves and if we do the right things we grow in many ways. The guy my wife was having an EA is quite big and strong with a quick temper. I know because he was a mate at one time.

I didn't want to take him on physically and was a bit concerned about him knocking on my door type of thing. Over the past months I've got back into boxing, hadn't done it since school. He hasn't been round but now I've no concerns if he does, I'm ready for him or anyone else like him in the future.

Bob


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

f1r3f1y3 said:


> so tired and can't eat feel sick, scared, hurt
> 
> what has happened here


"Life" has sent and is sending you messages. Just depends what you do with them.

Bob


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I have always wanted to try boxing, I would like to learn not to be scared about being hit, I am so weak

crying now for the first time in years

what IS the right thing to do now I am just sitting here doing nothing while my son plays in his room, I have no idea what to do now


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Make a plan. Start big - what you want to see yourself doing in a year - and backtrack to see what step is required today to achieve that.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

f1r3f1y3 said:


> I have always wanted to try boxing, I would like to learn not to be scared about being hit, I am so weak
> 
> crying now for the first time in years
> 
> what IS the right thing to do now I am just sitting here doing nothing while my son plays in his room, I have no idea what to do now


Go out, buy a punch bag and training gloves. When home put the punch bag up and use it, you'll be pleasantly surprised what happens. Find a boxing club, join and go there. They'll teach you a lot and you'll be a better man for it. There's always good that comes out of this stuff. Get your son into it as well.

Not minimising what you're going through. But your future is in your hands and all that.

Bob


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

At this point, if I'm not mistaken you're not in the USA right? Here in the US we have a thing called a restraining order which you can get when someone is making threats to you. If you have the first, original texts from the fella that indicate he is going to physically assault you, and you can get a restraining order. Not sure what's that called in your country (ABSO?) but I bet you have something similar. 

There is no reason for you to be afraid. The law and police are there to protect you so it's okay to use them.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

ok going to buy a punch bag to get started, I need a new hobby

restraining order/asbo wouldn't work as his original threats were on the phone when he called

plus he won't do it himself, he'll arrange for it to be done I imagine

my sister doesn't think he'll do it based on the texts she's seen, I just don't know though, I don't know the guy

on my current run of form, I imagine he will do it good and proper


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Easy for me to say, but even if this happens, you're unlikely to be permanently harmed, and the end result - after you tell EVERYONE what he did - is that you will be the hero and he'll be the putz. And your wife will see him for what he is.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I am just feeling no confidence because I am so tired, everything seems so much worse when I can't get a nights sleep

my wife text me to ask for forgiveness again. I said I am just trying to protect myself and my son from her boyfriend right now


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

that's true turnera, at least no matter what happens I have saved that girl from him


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

f1r3f1y3 said:


> I am just feeling no confidence because I am so tired, everything seems so much worse when I can't get a nights sleep
> 
> my wife text me to ask for forgiveness again. I said I am just trying to protect myself and my son from her boyfriend right now


Tell your wife to leave you alone for 3 months, you've too much going on to deal with her.

Bob


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

Her lover has completely disowned her and her friends and family (brothers mum and dad) are not talking to her. She has absolutely no-one left except her son.

I have started to feel sorry for her. NOT in any way considering trying again, never ever ever ever, but she's SO pathetic, she is now sitting in her flat crying with absolutely no-one to turn to

I suspect now that her lover is also sitting in his house crying to himself, they'll be back together in no time though for a bit of sex

Most likely he only rejected my wife when he thought he still had a chance to make his relationship work


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, maybe this will be her 'hill,' her one true life lesson and she will change her course in life.

Without you.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Your wife has realized that she just lost her free ride. Sounds like you will be better off without her. She is in panic mode and will say/do anything to keep you.
You may want to find out if he gave her anything that she may have passed on to you.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

managed to sleep last night for a few hours although woke up a lot

woke up at one point after dreaming that they had got into the house and were jumping on me

going to look for a self-defence/martial art/boxing beginners class today. About time I started something after my last project finished anyway. Also going to buy a baseball bat to keep by the door.

feel terrible this morning, mornings are the WORST

the stuff that happened yesterday, the things I discovered and calls and texts I've had, must be the low point surely, it can't possibly get any worse than this

my parents are coming to spend the night tonight and my son will be at his mums

I am feeling really sorry for my wife, one of her other friends (she has 2 left who still talk to her, but this one unfortunately lives 7000 miles away) told me she tried to take her own life with pills, she didn't take enough though as she kept thinking about her son. I can't show her any comfort though as she will interpret this as hope. 

She is probably not in a fit state to look after my son but he is all she has left to cling in to. I am not too worried about him going there.

How I can feel sorry for someone that has done all this to me. But I love her, and I can't help it, I can't get rid of that feeling now. All the anger has gone and i want to hug her and tell her everything will be ok


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Well, sucks to be her now. She had to learn the hard way. Hopefully this will make her a better person in the long run also. Though I'm kind of doubtful it will but there is always hoping they will learn.

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. Fool me a third time, there is no 3rd time anymore. And her friend calling you saying she's trying to take her own life, do you really need that in your life at this point also? BTW she's heartbroken over losing her lover not over losing you. Just remember that, her pain is not for you, it's for the OM. She didn't give a rat's ass for your pain once when she was getting pounded by the OM sexually.

And now you're supposed to feel bad for her pain and loss?


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

She came over today and I stupidly chatted to her. I still feel really sorry for her, her life has fallen apart, I know it's her fault but I can't help it. I would not like to see anyone in that state.

It's hard to accept but she obviously just wasn't that attracted to me.

She said she knows she has said this before but she really knows what she wants now and it's to come back to me and her family life.

I am not thinking of taking her back but it's really difficult. I ended up telling her that although i was going through with the divorce, if she sorted herself out (she's pretty unstable in several emotional areas) we may be able to try again if we're still single in 2-3 years. Probably a bad move, i just blurted it out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Nothing wrong with that. If she wants to badly enough, she can fix herself. You're giving her something to work toward.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I wouldn't worry about how you're gonna get any poon just yet. Poon is the easiest substance in the world to get....much easier than getting loyalty, trust, devotion, etc. The lowest shrew manages to get laid. Obviously she has serious credibility problems. Her lie about her adultary isn't out of her mouth completely and she's promising to be truthful? She'd have to show me something and it would take months for her to prove her commitment. If she remained out of the home and relationship free for 6 months, went to counseling, willingly shared all email, cell phone records, etc, I might take a serious look at reconciliation but that would be the only way. For my part, I would remain "poon" free for 6 months and attend counseling as well. The second I found evidence of another lie, all deals would be null and void.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I'm not that worried about poon, I'm not even remotely bothered about that righ now

Loyalty, trust and devotion sounds nice though

6 months isn't long enough for me, that was the agreement from last time before I knew it was even physical. I'm thinking 3 years, but some gorgeous trustworthy girl will have snapped me up by then surely


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

Update: found out my wife had sex with a different guy before this one. So if there was any thought in the back of my head that after the divorce, a few years down the road, we might get back together, it has gone.

I felt absolutely devastated when I found out, which is strange as it doesn't really change anything. Like she kicked me in the face when i was down. Explains why our sex was so disfunctional (no passion).

She didn't contact me all of yesterday, I sent her a few texts about what she had done and what I knew. I know she is in a very desperate place right now.

THEN in the first hour of that misery, her [ex] best friend texts me and said she DOES fancy me, and always has. I "tick all the boxes" and I'm "exactly what she is looking for". We text back and forward all day and I felt much better. Ego boost and someone who understood what i was going through (she was cheated on last year).

As she seems to like me, I should not be meeting her right? Or it could turn out like a rebound thing. I don't want to hurt her like my wife has hurt me so I thought at least for the next few months, being friends was acceptable.

Forget watching the soaps on TV, just come to this thread.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Wow, talk about a dysfunctional relationship (you and ex-best friend, I mean). Back away slowly. 

fwiw, sorry about your wife. 

Time for next life, huh?


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

turnera can I not be her friend? She is the only one who takes the pain away


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Be honest with yourself. If you just want some no-strings sex, go for it. But be real; what is SHE after?


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

I don't want any sex at all right now, seriously.

Ok I see that now, maybe she isn't a good person. I have money, maybe she is after that.

I am so bad at this


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

There's something about a vulnerable, recently unattached guy that seems to draw women. Who knows why? In any case, you're hurting and confused right now and not in the best position to be making relationship decisions. You need some time to heal. If you need a rebound quickie fling, I'd pick someone I didn't know.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

She claims she has always liked me. I really don't want a rebound fling thing.

My brain IS going a million miles an hour, I keep swinging back and forward through my thoughts. Was my entire marriage a lie? Did she never love me? Is she actually laughing at me right now?

The other girl has sent me messages already this morning

got drunk last night and didn't sleep, mess today


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Trust me. Alcohol makes things worse.

And what woman would chase a man who isn't even legally separated, let alone divorced? Trailer trash.


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## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

We are legally separated, and the girl knows I am NEVER going back, but I take your point completely.

Alcohol does make it worse, last night I just lost the plot

thanks turnera


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