# What would you do if you got the following letter:



## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

because I'm considering sending it....

Dear Mr. ....

You don't know me, but I want you to be aware that there is a strong chance your w and my h had an affair in 2004. I know that he had an affair, and my research and the clues I have led me to her/you. My H confessed that it "only" lasted a year; I have no solid proof of anything he says.

If you check your phone records for (date, time) and there is a call from (my h's cell phone number,) then my suspicions are pretty well confirmed. 

I hope that you will find that I am wrong. I apologize if I have written you in error. 

If you require more information or wish to reply, my email is (my email.)



I have to say, my motives are not particularly valiant. While I don't want to hurt this guy, or his 2 kids, and I'm not even terribly angry at his wife, I am so White Hot Pissed at my x for his arrogance and breaking up my kids' home, I am not my best person when I think of doing this, and I know it. Which is why, in 7 years, I never did it. And very likely still won't. But I am curious. How would you react?


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## ahhhmaaaan! (Mar 26, 2011)

Dude she's your X now, why bother?


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Change the whole first paragraph to my H confessed to year long affair with your W in 2004 . Even though he has left send it you owe it to the other BS. Standing by with this knowledge is like knowing where a murderer stays and makes you complicite in the crime. Do the BS a faviour, tell the then they can make a decision. Furthermore they may still be cheating, go-ahead send it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

reply with what you know, she also got screwed over and diserves some validation/confirmation that the Om is a POS and it wasn't One year but two. At least that info is worth sharing.

I just think its either the right thing or the kind thing to do. Granted now the you moved out and moved on it not you problem, but if the shoe was on the other foot and you were writing the Om's wife, would you want some kind of response from her?

I thinks its kind of like honor amoung LS or we're all in it together kind of thing. IDK it just seems the OMW is now part of the club......a sister in the sh*tty world of infedelity.

Thats my take, I'm sure other will take the stance "screw them who cares" but I'm not wired that way. I think she needs help too, just like the rest of us here at TAM coping with infidelity.

I think if you keep it short and giving her the what for and then let her know you have moved on and are butting this behind you so you will not respond to any more of her inquiries is fair.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Although I wanted to beat the crap out of my ex-husband for having an affair, I was ironically worried about what the OW husband was capable of doing to him also. Especially because of our kids. We had a son together, along with his older son and daughter whose mother (his 1st wife) had passed away from a debilitating disease.

I’ll tell you a crazy story that happened about 8 yrs ago. This is a true incident which happened to my very good friend's sister here in California. Her sister *M* was married and had 2 daughters. They lived right next door to another married couple with 2 boys. Next door couple separate, she moves into a house just a few blocks away with the boys. *M* and her husband separate, and bingo, he moves in with wife from next door and her 2 boys. Just a few short months later (no one is even completely divorced yet) *M*'s still legal husband gives engagement ring to wife from next door. Wife's from next door still legal husband flips out. (Swear this is true story, U can’t make this sickness up) He shows up at house when all 4 kids are there also. Shoots his still legal wife and *M*'s still legal husand, then goes upstairs to kids bedroom, tells just the 2 girls (*M*'s girls) to leave, shoots his own 2 boys and then himself.

If you followed that story, my warning is to be very careful what emotions you are stirring up and in whom you are provoking them in.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Thanks everyone for responding. I think my letter was misread a bit. My husband (ugh. ex-2-B) had an affair with his wife. So I would be writing to the other woman's husband.

I know this might not make a difference, but it might, too. I think (I know you'll correct me if I'm wrong  men are more likely to be violent with this kind of news than women. Doesn't mean I shouldn't send it; just makes me pause. I feel like I would be doing something terrible by putting this on an otherwise possibly blissfully ignorant guy. But then I know I would want to know. But 7 years later? Now, if I had a do-over, I'd have done it 7 years ago with no problem.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Toto, 
Yeah, that's kinda the stupid kinda thing I would end up instigating, with my luck. Funny how all the men are saying to shout it from the hills (and believe me, I want to, if only to show my stbxh how faulty his thinking was in 'protecting her and her family" by not coming clean with me) Yet, the women are thinking about what a bigger mess it might make.


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I saw a really awesome billboard on demotivational.com. 
Steve,
Can you see me now? I know all about you and your skanky (etc, etc) I have it all on tape. The divorce papers are in the mail. (or something like that.) --Emily

I SOOOOO wanted to do that.


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> I saw a really awesome billboard on demotivational.com.
> Steve,
> Can you see me now? I know all about you and your skanky (etc, etc) I have it all on tape. The divorce papers are in the mail. (or something like that.) --Emily
> 
> I SOOOOO wanted to do that.


Ya! I recall seeing something like that!!!


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## TotoWeRNotInKansasAnymore (Apr 7, 2011)

Yes, that situation with my friend's sister was really crazy. The only positive thing was that their divorce was nowhere near final. Her husband was a correctional officer for the State of California. She was still able to get all of his benefits. Which she and her girls wound up desperately needing. Those girls had been through so much and needed a lot of counseling.


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## rider03 (Apr 7, 2009)

Eli-Zor said:


> Change the whole first paragraph to my H confessed to year long affair with your W in 2004 . Even though he has left send it you owe it to the other BS. Standing by with this knowledge is like knowing where a murderer stays and makes you complicite in the crime. Do the BS a faviour, tell the then they can make a decision. Furthermore they may still be cheating, go-ahead send it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


That is the stupist advice I've ever heard. She's not even certain this was the person and you say change it to read he "confessed" and possible destroy a perfectly innocent couples marriage? And comparing adultery to murder? That's absurd.

Nobody benefits from revenge. As much as all of us would've loved to have served it up at one point or another. Just walk away and pray for them all. Be the better person.

Good luck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why are you sending this now if it happened in 2004? I'm all for exposure when it's to save the marriage however you guys are divorcing and the cheating was 7 yrs ago. Ultimately it's up to you but it'd make more sense to send if the affair was recent.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Whatever happened in '04, stays in '04. If they're still together, they either worked through it or he doesn't care. Cheaters don't need any help destroying their marriages. The best revenge for the "victim" party is for them to build a successful, happy life. Happy people don't sit around wondering what miserable folks are doing.


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## 8yearscheating (Oct 14, 2010)

Send it. He needs to know.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'm all for exposing an affair, but...... This goes back to 2004 and you aren't even sure? Unless this has an impact on something going on today, what's the point?


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

uhaul4mybaggage said:


> because I'm considering sending it....
> 
> Dear Mr. ....
> 
> ...


I'm all for *exposure to kill an affair AND because it's the right thing to do for the other BS*. Exposure needs to come with solid proof or at least the ability to provide that solid proof. But 7 years? Who has phone records from 7 years ago? The other possible BS would have no way of confirming or looking this up anyway and would make you look a little off your rocker if you know what I mean. Looking at your other threads, you WH had an online EA, so I assume you have other proof other than suspecting a "strong chance"?


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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

Yes, LM, I do, but I'm not going to send it. B/c it was 7 years ago. It's going in the regrets pile with all the others. 

Thanks for your input everyone. If it happens to me again in the future, then I'll know what to do.

I think we need a consumer protection agency for marriage. Whaddyathink? I got a lemon.


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