# I think I married a narcissist



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Anyone think they did?

Our MC/physchologist thinks so too.

Might explain most of his behaviour and actions during our marriage.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I did. Unfortunately it took me more than 20 years to figure out the problem.


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## Set me FREE (Sep 5, 2011)

I think I did.


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## Craggy456 (Feb 22, 2011)

827Aug said:


> I did. Unfortunately it took me more than 20 years to figure out the problem.


Took me 12 yrs 

Blinders off, head up, moving on...


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## everafter (Mar 10, 2011)

Yes. He is distainful of the feeble, obese, unattractive. Wears tight tanktops. Has a sense of entitlement and superiority. Doesn't allow other drivers to merge. Has road rage.
The real heartbreak is that since we separated early summer, he has spent maybe 16 hours with the younger son, and 5 with the older one. He didn't even try to see him before he left for college. And he thinks he's a good parent! Because it's all about him. The kids haven't said anything, but it kills me that they are being ignored due to the STBXH self absorbtion. I have suggested that he have them over, and he agrees, but no action. Sad.


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## gearhead65 (Aug 25, 2011)

Labeling like that can be dangerous, but is sometimes required. NPD is the worst kind, where narcissistic tendancies is more common. Many times people manifest narcissism or NT as a protection mechanism during the downward spiral in a relationship. As an example I would say that I am/was the more narcissistic one in my relationship up until my wife's affair. Since then I have been extremely introspective and realize that my viewpoint on the world is/was scewd. Now though, she is manifesting those behavior traits and still demonizing me for them in the past. It is interesting to experience someone belittle you for belittling them in the past. It is also very hurtful to be told that you need to have more self-respect when trying to show love and affection to a WS. Hardcore narcissism doesn't view their behavior as an issue, which is why I feel very relieved that I have hope.

GearHead


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

I did, he even Told me he was and that he knows he is very selfish too. So I gave him a dose of his own medicine now he says I'm mean LOL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## miracle_man (Jul 18, 2012)

everafter said:


> Yes. He is distainful of the feeble, obese, unattractive.


Same with my STBXW, it's disgusting really. Superficial doesn't suffice as a word to describe her behavior, but it'll do for now. (That'll do donkey, that'll do) While there has long been a significant degree of identity and self re-invention to appeal to the 'crowd' she is currently interacting with, their has always been this toxic hate of anyone who is perceived as a threat and that includes those she is uncomfortable with. And who better to demonize than those deserving of more empathy than she?

She lets her hair down so to speak, with her 'friends' in ways I have been ashamed of from day 1 but she of course must 1-up them and thus becomes the most vile and offensive one there. Throwing God's name in the fray when convenient is gravy and treated as a justifier and enabler for her past, current and very planned and pre-meditated choices.

I do wonder how much vileness and home wrecking choices have been enacted through online communication where her ever present scripture signatures have served as the parsley garnish to the plate of feces and poison she 'serves' up. ('Serve' used with all seemingly selfless and altruistic actions but truthfully just more manipulative and abusive behavior.)



everafter said:


> Wears tight tanktops.


Appearance, and just overall superficial appeal has always been #1 priority by far. Character and principals not so much.

Having lurked here and other supportive and educational sites for a while I am troubled at not just how much unabashed and shameless evil thrives but how the woman I thought was so kind, compassionate, etc. Outdoes most ot the spouses and partners.

Her withholding from me of even trace amounts of intimacy, 'respect', sexual expression, submission and giving of anything plus any overall 'dress to impress' (for me, even though she knew that was never necessary), has always been far surpassed by the quantity and quality of the throwing of herself and those elements above at the legion of guys (and girls) she clearly viewed as worthy of non-contemptuous devotion.

Hey, at least when I deluded myself all along, I witnessed wild'ish & passionate sex, dirty talk, sexting, pictures, fantasy & desire revelation, feedback and requests for what she wanted, and allowing of herself to be pleased and 'give in to the moment', and toy play... Not to say those weren't 100% manipulation, justification for the latest things I had discovered, and tools for fun and enthralling of her harem. One only has to look at the dares of vids, pics, suggestive (which also includes just not flat out sexual & emotional villifying, condemning & overtly abusing of me), im's, and spikes in seemingly heart felt (NOT emotions based) expressions of empathy, 'love', desiring me, etc., but also spikes in raging about my alleged affairs, plans to run off, giving my heart to others and more abusive projection. Then notice the glaringly obvious 'coincidence' in subject matter, dates, and degree of seemingly open and sincere sharing of herself with me.

(I willfully repressed or just didn't 'suspect' yet more abuse and family betrayal & wide spread humiliation, thus never correlated it all, including the continual and plentiful 'being herself' when in college, in VA, and back in the great State of Texas. She wouldn't even put on the show of working were it not that 'work' was a NSA marketplace. I can't count high enough for the times of parading, bragging, ane shoving in my face (the ONLY thing she shoved in my face, except for the times of sexually abusing me to control, punish, and manipulate me into excusing & embracing her choice of lifestyle) of her sheer evil whether in front of me at the time and/or bragging about her exploits, plans and desires to others where I was present or just 'oopsy' forwarded to me)

I hope this isn't hijacking... my definition of things most others find offensive is often very acceptable, may just be more naivety and doormat'age, who but God knows?



everafter said:


> Has a sense of entitlement and superiority.


YES... 'Like a Boss' even

Ironically, I can't stand that Like a Boss thing and hope it doesn't offend anyone. It popped into my head when thinking of some recently re-awakened vocational passions. A guy I once considered a friend and reached out to (read: didn't allow myself to be cast aside as he was understandably doing to all others due to nastiness w/ his then wife... Uhh, I suppose 'all others' should be modified for what I have been made aware of were select 'others' *wink wink* 'Say no more!'

Perhaps, like with me, ol 'C' was reaching out, albeit foolishly, for a sympathetic ear. Once the usual highly aggresive and pushy trolling began, I have no idea if he even heard the alarms in his head just as I buried them for 15 years. However, like other uber-narcissists, STBXW is a master of illusion, seduction, misdirection, manipulation.

He and I were both active (read: zealots) of a fouple of community software projects (FLOSS). At least now I understand the motive for having what was the only one, of an 'outreach' (so many accurate FTW double entendres here, teehee) style project evangelism & education US Tour. This made little sense to other talking heads on the project, especially the leads.

Hmmmm

The near insistance by him of staying with 'me' and of course the altruistic & compassionate ONLY near fanatically anticipatory zeal of STBXW, for 'C' to stay at our house... You know, where the precious & innocent babies lay their super vulnerable, observant, and imprintable minds and characters. Not to mention I thought it was our H O M E and refuge of dignity, honor, etc.

(I no more know of all the acronyms here yet, than my friends, acquantences, and strangers I just met, have been privy/victim to all the gory details including breast size, vag tightness and hygene, sex preferences, shave'age or strip'age, desires, fantasies, spit-or-swallow (With others. I am in that and all other ways, a vile, disgusting pervert and deviant so not even either of those two are acceptable... She says she swallows to others, maybe just to them... I wish this 'a friend' like in the apropos movie with Michael Douglas about him as a subordinate being sexually assaulted, not just 'harrased', by the female exec who then accuses & files for sexual harrasment on him.), etc and any dirty laundry I ever gave out... Granted, I had little info to give as I have NEVER been anything resembling a friend, lover, or confidant (hah... or accountability partner, lol... I mean bi-directional with all of this, not my part in giving my heart and intimacy)



everafter said:


> Doesn't allow other drivers to merge. Has road rage.


Lol, aaaaalllll the time. I have been of course, projected onto as doing this within moments of being belittled for driving like a little old lady. (Sans the whole eyes just above the dashboard position)



everafter said:


> The real heartbreak is that since we separated early summer, he has spent maybe 16 hours with the younger son, and 5 with the older one. He didn't even try to see him before he left for college. And he thinks he's a good parent! Because it's all about him. The kids haven't said anything, but it kills me that they are being ignored due to the STBXH self absorbtion. I have suggested that he have them over, and he agrees, but no action. Sad.


Also the same... I lost count, esp since I was kicked out, of the times STBXW has neglected the NEEDS of the children for the requisite hookup and/or partying with the flavor of the week or trolling for the next flavor. This in time, participation w/ them, supplying them with food and such, taking care of their health and medical NEEDS (esp when she had refused to before due to funds & time... Just like with MC or ANY effort in ACTION not empty words, to even partially focus on our illusional marriage and my FAMILY.). She does however, ensure her god (herself) has expensive medical, luxory 'body enhancements', toys, movies, music, clubs, shows, a hoard of 'beauty' supplies, naughty wear (and utilizes them unlike with me), hair and nail salon visits, eating out, and a ton of gas for her running around town for her chosen family murdering lifestyle. Stupid 'a friend'... grrrrr, at least I now know that childeren's anti-diahreal glycerin suppositories also help withanal sex being cleaner. That plus an enema (which she magically got for another reason around the time of wrecking and humiliating other homes with children) + Loperamide == awesomeage. Esp, I was informed, with MMF DP.

Anal (and at least group, lesbian, and I forget the rest), I discovered unfortunately, was a very popular lust item by her for years, before her first kid-victim / my child was born (also had never heard of '**** Pride'), but only porn and w/ others. I kept pushing past her boundaries' and was abused w/ yelling, name calling, made to feel like what I was called (pervert, deviant, freak, dirty, etc) (yes, I know 'made' is my choice, just can't find other words)

So I guess that was more projection.

She is divorcing me because, in her words, "you are [I am] keeping me [her] from changing" since I dared to bring up just a fraction of her choices. I forgave her everytime, including now, and dedicated myself to WORK WITH her as a COLLABORATIVE TEAM for her, us, the kids, and 'our' family as a whole.

That, being weakness but yet the due submission to her by exposing my throat, neck, and genitals... which were then eviscerated EVERY time. If I comply as ordered, then that is a vote of approval for her to increase her lifestyle plummet. If I enrage her 'narcissistic wounds', even if I merely relay info and messages by, say, teachers, kid therapists, etc that she realizes points out her negligence... No, malevolence, of the kids (which includes her willful, unabashed & shameless abuse of me)


Btw, this is very vitriolic and I apologize for any caused offense. While I was slandered all around town, I never did anything of the kind. I just don't see that as family helping or just recovery & healing.

CONSTRUCIVE criticism & feedback is always wecome 

Note that I refuse to ever as with before, to withdraw my unconditional Love and acceptance. I'm setting boundaries for the first time . I want our family to be whole and healthy, but that will never happen until she admits, repents, and does goofy things like WORKgING HER PRETTY LITTLE BUTT OFF to change... and doing so 24/7. She MUST fully and completely submit to me and be the servant leader, friend, best friend, wife, lover, sole confidant, MOTHER. (Pls ask kindly if the 'submit' part isn't clear. Assumption & knee jerk reaction NEVER help anyone)

Also, there MUST be complete accountability between us.

Sorry for the dumping... I so wish that was all there was.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

I certainly did. This described my ex very well. Sound accurate for yours?

What is Narcissistic Personality


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

I know he is now after 11 years (Malignant narcissism), and i have some co dependency issues this is why i put up with his behaviour so long, i was a very good supply.

I was so confused, because unless you know what you are dealing with it robs you in every direction, mentally and physically, they may call you crazy and other names but you end up feeling crazy, i think they call it gas lighting.

i went through wanting to hurt my self because of the emotional torture (i wasn't allowed to express my emotions) to emotional numbing and finally anger, then laughter at the total absurdness of it, i read a few books to get to narcissism.

Now i know what i am dealing with i have started to cope with his inappropriate behaviour, because we have children i still have to deal with him, but least he is now 5,000 miles away. 

I know he will never change and i have to look after myself.

What is Narcissism: narcissistic supply

An Anatomy Of Malignant Narcissism


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I feel my H is, he has belittled me for years. Everything had to be his decision. He had to control all the money. I was always called stupid if I said something wrong, or made a simple mistake.

He talked down to everyone, like he knew more than you. Everyone had to accept and believe his point of view, or it turned into a debate (if he even let you talk), or just walk away and acted like you were insignificant if you tested him.

He admitted to me that he would purposely "flirt" with heavier women to "make them feel good", since as he said, they wouldn't receive flirts from other men because of their weight... ( Oh how nice of him)

He feels he is one of the best since he got the job he did, and makes the money he does... So the power and money is why he got co*ky and felt entitled to talk to other women behind my back,,,, And as he says, the women would tell him how lucky "I" should be to be with "him"...???


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