# Addiction to Masturbation/Porn?



## always_wrong (Aug 9, 2013)

Hello all. New here. I don't know where else to turn, I need outside advice please.
I am 45/M 2nd marriage, I am married to the most amazing woman in the world. I love her so much, she is everything to me.
We have been married about 2.5 years. And a struggle getting to even get married, being that we are from different parts of the world. Visas, Long distance, etc. We met in 2009, married in 2011. 

So, here it is: I have a porn addiction. It "went away" when we were dating, and newlyweds, but now, it is "back". And haven't made love to my wife in a few months, and even then it was bad (On my part). She is very beautiful, slender, sexy, I couldn't draw a more perfect woman. She is good hearted, caring, loving, nurturing, all the stuff you look for in a wife. But for some reason, I still turn to porn.

She does know, but it is unspoken. But the other day I forgot to "X" out of a porn site, and she saw it later that day, and now she is not talking to me, and sleeping in the guest bedroom.

Any advice? What do I do? What do I say?
I am desperate. I don't want to lose her, but I feel I am. She is very far from home, My guess is she would leave me if it were easy. I want to make things right. I want to have the passion again, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I am crazy about her!

Please Help.


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

Maybe start by educating yourself:
Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

If you don't even know why you prefer masterbation to a woman who wants to have sex with you - you should probably seek some therapy to figure it out.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Did your porn issue play into your first marriage ending in divorce?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

You are going to need to go through a personal transformation that will require a lot of effort. She may or may not be patient with you while you do that. Learn all you can about addiction and figure out how to kick it. If she sticks by your side, you will be a lucky man.

Are there other marital problems?


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## always_wrong (Aug 9, 2013)

Thank you ladies. 
I have been in therapy in the past. Didn't help, waste of money, I can basically get the same advice on the internet for free. Actually I've received more valuable information here than with any therapist...
Yes MissScarlet, My porn addiction was very prevalent in my first marriage.
Faithful wife: Yes, I will be a lucky man. There are no other marital problems. We get along great, Financially secure, No kids, love each others company, family...etc (well, she doesn't care too much for my family, but that's another story)

I really want to beat this addiction, and have a normal sex life with my wife. I adore her!

Where do I start?
And how do I get her back into our bed? This is the 3rd night we have slept in separate rooms. (It sucks)


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

always_wrong said:


> Where do I start?
> And how do I get her back into our bed? This is the 3rd night we have slept in separate rooms. (It sucks)


1st, admit to her you have a problem. 
2nd, quit the porn and masterbating. It will be difficult. Join a 12 step group. The support from others in similar circumstances makes it easier to share what you are going through without feeling judged.
3rd, get into MC. Learn to communicate your needs while respecting hers. Don't be afraid to change therapists, there are bad therapists, and some good ones just don't "click".


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## FemBot (May 1, 2013)

If you go to that website I posted there are a ton of links to help you, as well as online support groups.

Good luck!


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Yes, definitely educate yourself and get into therapy. But don't rely solely on Your Brain on Porn, which many people think is less than objective. There have been discussions here, such as:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/relationships-addiction/70876-critique-your-brain-porn.html

And see:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201307/your-brain-porn-its-not-addictive

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...in-study-questions-existence-sexual-addiction

I'm not saying you don't have a problem, you clearly do. It's good you want to address it. Just make sure to check whether those from whom you seek help have an agenda other than your health.


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