# Need to hear the truth



## Jonclrk21

Hey my first post and figured I’d reach out to who ever would just tell me what to do..I’ve read some
Marriage forums about wife hating you, and honestly I don’t see that they pertain to me. Why? They all have some type of hope of coming back from
That..I don’t and I am to Blaim!

Here’s a run down of the truth of my failing marriage ..I cheated on her and held a year long affair after just marrying here a few months before. She than got pregnant and I was so distraught over not actually being there for her physically, for I had to go away for some time..instead of doing the honorable thing and supporting her how I could, I felt I couldn’t support her how she should be. So i look back
On it it was very selfish of me. I came home and I will never forget the look on her face , it was hurt and pain. A look that I have etched in my mind , this woman was everything to me ,she was so happy smiled and all and that was the first look I saw knowing I robbed her of that . Two weeks later I left unable to deal w it..I’m a piece of **** for ever hurting her but it doesn’t stop there I went out held affairs and than got drug addiction 3 years on n off..I never had before but at that point I didn’t care and it Ucka. CauSe I did care and hated what I had done ! 

She was too good for me and I alwaYs mess things up. My drug addictions lead down some dark roads . My wife witness some unthinkable things and only reason at that point was my dilusional thinking , thinking she needs this if she didn’t she would stop it.i intentionally pushed the woman I love away ..last 3 years she stood by me as she could, but her love turned to resentment, turned to anger, and now turned to hate! I saw the woman I once loved turn to a memory of the girl I once knew but only with me. Not to induldge in her own actions cause they are just reactions of my own terrible
Actions there is literally no comparison!

I approached her mentioned divorce before and all this , I know she’s not happy with me, and hasn’t been for awhile . But she would get angry over the raIaing of the topic, n that why we are still married subsequently. A lot of things don’t make sense as to her true feelings I feel and to what she claims..her claims are feeling less and I understand . I understand her behavior is from my own! I don’t blaim her for one thing! This guilt has weighted on me for sometime and I have horrible coping mechanism! I now find myself in a place where I wish I met this same woman I know than now but that’s childish to say. 

I have a 3 year old I love a wife that hates me and I get mad at that but it’s my fault, I know it takes a lot for her to be around me n I appreciate it for our son. But same time I feel horrible like I’m holding her back from
True happiness and when I say that, it’s not with me or around me. I’m her down fall and nomatter what I do I am always at fault for anything , she’s quick to call her friends or family and speak of such! I get it , what I have done is horrible, I literally destroyed the woman that I knew! It doesn’t make sense why she’s still there , she’s pretty intelligent, humorous, loves sports etc I’m mind boggled 

But I’ve accused her of stuff past few years but all o know is that she’s taken steps to keep me separate from her life n to me than why still stay married ? I no longer approach her with that though becaUse that no longer the basis , I just want her happy and I know it’s not with me. I would love nothing more than make amends but I’m afraid after all the chances amends will have a better chance in a diff lifetime but she won’t even speak of her feelings which idk why? There’s a lot that doesn’t make sense but I have a three year old ! I have stayed around not knowing how to fix it n just making it worse , whole time I just feel I hold her back or maybe from all I’ve done she’s returning the favor which bothers me as well, cause I’ve made her go to a level that’s unnatural to her and her natural good nature! 
I can’t say enough about the wrong I’ve done and such and because of such we both do. Mines unacceptable! I’m afraid of finding out how much she truly hates me in the end cause it makes no sense why we are still together n say together married still!

240 am east coast and this is really weighing down on me .. I just wish I could fix it n her but my actions have deestoryed a woman heart that loved me more than anyone else and vice versa but I didn’t love myself than.! And I have left something else to be said or seen like I didn’t love her and that’s not the case but she’s human and I’d do anything but I feel so bad still being here holding her back from living her life, I love my son and a lot has happened idk how co parenting works in the situation that’s unraveling! She like legit hates me..her actions but denies it..she denies any ill feelings to that regard which puts me on edge cause I know I’m my heart she does and it tears at me that we fight and nothing I ever do will be good enough, nothing I do is wanted and despite all things it’s very hard for me to actually accept my wife and mother of my child wants to just forget me and hates me and there’s not a damn thing I can do to fix that ! 
It’s not about the relationship it’s about just wanting to show her I am sorry and I do love her regardless I hate the fact I’ve done all I’ve done..but I destroyed things cause of me and my inability and idk how anything will work out..idk how seeing my son or maybe a plan to just rid me persay ..sounds crazy but I’ve seen a woman that loved me more than anyone else had a woman with a huge heart turn practically heartless to me but remain there against her will for our son..to go deeper but I won’t , I can’t sleep n this is bothering me and it’s tough to sit there and just see that n not be able to do anything about it! Her actions n her plans aren’t part of it I’ve pushed her to great lengths and I feel horrible?

What do I do? You read that and you see me as this and that, and I am, but I came full circle too late and I married my heart and destroyed it instead of working on myself! I have no hope to forgiveness cause I do realize the extent I’ve pushed her too. 
N I’m torn wanting to help but not accepting any of mine, a lot of ppl hate me but hers is the one that I just don’t know what is right to do..plz help ty


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## MattMatt

Have you tried counselling as a couple and as individuals?

Sometimes things cannot be fixed.

You have a daughter so you can work on being the best dad and the best coparent that you can be.


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## aine

You both need separate counselling. First of all you seem to be wrapped up in a lot of self pity. What have you been doing with your life now to show that you are worthy of winning her back/ What have you done to get the help both you and she needs instead of going on and on about how much she hates you and how much you have ****ed up.
It is time for you to stop the sniveling and become a better man. 
You may or may not work out but at least you will have become a better man and get your life together.
Maybe she stays with you for the kid, maybe she still loves you, maybe she is with you due to trauma bonding, etc. You need a professional.


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## arbitrator

*Counseling with a good, experienced psychologist or minister can work sheer wonders, but do be prepared to take your lumps ~ as they won't exactly be the sugar type!

Now is the time to be there for her as you didn't seem to be there before!

And if you have a relationship with God, seek some solitude with Him and offer up some heartfelt prayer and seek His guidance for all of you! Please remember that all of us, especially as Christians, have sinned and have come short of the glory of God!

I wish you well, my friend!*


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## SunCMars

Humpty Dumpty took a fall, all the Kings Men and all the Kings horses could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

A silly ditty, poem, yet it applies to you.

Other people cannot put you back together again. 

Only you can.

Get your head right, clean up your act and your appearance, get a job, save money, show progress.
Show confidence, smile when you are around her.

Do not do much talking and making excuses. There are no excuses for your past behavior.
Make your future life excuse-free. 
Have no need of excuses.

Stay the F away from drugs and alcohol and tobacco. 

They weaken you, they steal your' strength.
They rob you of a better future.

Can you ever win her back? 
Maybe, maybe not.

You need to win yourself back, from the 'Abyss of Pit-iful Excuses' that you landed in. You still remain....... down there.

Shake loose your sorry ass excuses, make them disappear.
Make the 'real' you show-up, ready for life's many challenges.

You are young, you have time. 

Time is your strongest asset, now, use it wisely.
Time stands still for no means of men.

Get moving, get straight.





[THM]- SCM


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## Jonclrk21

Thank you yes just trying to
Figure it all out now..just tough to interject myself around for my son when it also brings her down


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## Jonclrk21

Hey aine, my biggest fear is staying together for our child or any other reason but the true reasons, given I understand fully doing something for a child but I feel that robs happiness away from
Them cause evidently she won’t be happy..yes I’ve messed up to some insane degrees but aside from. All that I could never fully understand why she was there still..and I just hate feeling I’m consciously standing in the way of her true happiness , I don’t want her to settle and I felt I had her already ! A lot has happened! But despite its all my fault..I’m
Going to do counseling myself as to her, she has I don’t know anything about her life other than what she feels comfortable sharing which isn’t much, but I’m sure she has taken bigger steps to fix mend herself than I have.. ty for ur input and reply very much


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## Spicy

You should divorce her. 
If you love something....set it free. It may return to you.


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## SunCMars

Aye!

You had a good one, *you let her dangle, and then you dropped her on her pretty face.*


She loved you for a long time afterwards…. for no good reason.

Love is unreasoning, it never, barely holds onto brass facts.
It does hold onto barely covered skin, but that, not so forever.
Deep set love is hard to shake loose, once loose, rarely does it re-attach.

A woman, a lovely lady has so many lovely attachment points. 
Her legs, her hips, her breasts, all easy on the eyes, easy to get a mutually welcome hand shaking handhold…. onto. 

Yes, that.

On the other hand, those, your’ fingers can lose their grip, easily. 
Especially, when another women offers her curvy attachment points-of-interest, or, you seek another to fasten tightly your fingers, your lips. 

You went there.

When it comes to the mind, it can swiftly see wrongful behavior from their nearest-dearest. 
Which once, not now, was you.

When it comes to the heart, it rarely loses its grip. Any love forth held, remains tightly held in some measure.
Until it isn’t.

Once love slips to not, the knot unties, the love then forever slips away.

Likely, oft, a scar remains. The scar remains painful and bitter to the next, any who, that perchance to suckle on it.

*You let her dangle, you dropped her on her pretty face.*

Her heart, her {mind-you}, her attachment points are lost to you, you let them slip from your grasp.

Beauties they were, beauty that she is. 

You can see her standing there, before you. 

This sore reality you wrought, deny you, what your eyes, your mind envisions.

Beauties they were, ‘were’, never to be yours again, except in your rueful, sorrowful dreams.

Repent of your sins, fall on the grace of all that is good, and hope she returns to the past. 

A past, before your indigo-blue skies rained, stained all this that was her, sic, died blue. 
It, you, dying on her. 

In, turn, you blued her red heart, blew her hopes of a future with you. 

You disappeared on her, you wilted, you died, in fact, her love dying slowly surely, after the fact.

She does not believe your words, sees your action, those before, during, now after. 
Since you have little hope for yourself, she has none left to offer, having used all in the lead-up to the painful intermission.

You need to grow up and be an adult, a father, and a husband.

Not to her, but yet to another who has not seen nor felt the worst in you. 

A clean slate you need. 
With this wife, you have no spot, not sullied. 

Write her off, right yourself aloft, set tall your resolve and set straight that, your sodden spine, within.

Mistakes happen, this was not really a mistake, it was a misstep. 
You stepped off the path, you stepped away weakly, fearful, you stepped in flack, maybe crack, surely crap.

*You let her dangle, you dropped her on her pretty face.*





[THM]- The Typist I


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## Bibi1031

You need to change and become the man you should have been. After your change, hopefully hers will come. 

If she wanted to leave you, she would have physically left already. It may have to be you the one that will leave if after your changes she is too far gone from you that living together is simply hell and toxic. That is what you have right now: a living hell.


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