# If a H says another woman is "worth one" to his guy friends...



## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

My H relayed a story to me about the bartender he is friendly with at a bar he goes to every week. The bartender ws on his break and sat with my H and friends. He got his phone out with a picture of a pretty woman on, and asked my H what he thought, did he think she was fit, "would he"?

H said he looked, said she was nice, the guy kept asking , so my H said , yes she was "worth one." My initial thought was this guy was trying to set my H up with his daughter (this guy knows H to chat to but doesn't know him really well.) 

I was pretty upset by H's choice of words. he said it's just something guys say and he didn't mean anything by it. Thing is, I believe he *didn't* mean anything by it, my issue is that I feel him talking about how yes, he'd give some girl one, is really disrespectful to me. How on earth is it OK to tell people yeah, you'd happily sleep with her? 

His defense when he comes out with this stuff is that be doesn't know how I feel, he didn't know it would upset me, I'm being over-sensitive. It's just what guys say. And no, he wouldn't be bothered if I said the same thing about another guy.

Am I being too sensitive? The thing that really got me is he said the guy wouldn't leave it so he just said that to be polite. Something he also said about his E A OW when she thrust her number at him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## faithfulwife85 (Jul 4, 2011)

I wouldn't worry much about that. Guys just say foolish things to one another when they are not around women. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What I don't understand is why he can back and told you about it. He's either dumb, insensitive, or trying to push your buttons.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Ahh... so there is some history here for him with having an EA?

One thing - did he tell you this story of his own accord? If so, that says a lot right there - as in he is either trying to be open and honest with you, or is he trying to needle you?

Perhaps he didn't choose the best way to respond to the bartender - it would have been more appropriate to look at the photo and exclaim "man, she's got nothing on my wife!". Let him know that and keep letting him know until it becomes second nature for him. 

God Bless.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

sooo, basically this other douch asked him if he would "hit that" or "tap that ass"..??

guys are gross horn dogs with piggy minds..and then we marry them...

but that is the way guys talk, the bartender wasnt a good friend of both of you, so he has no reason to act right or like a human if he dosent want to.

i would be concerned if it was our good friend...and knew me and that i comand respect weather im there or not. you should hear some of the conversations that take place at burger kind, or checkers, or mickey ds...yes im talking about behind the counter.

i have heard them all 2nd party, and i wish it was as tame as "is she fu*kable"....from some bartender neither of you hang out with who spends all his free time horring around...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Pandakiss said:


> sooo, basically this other douch asked him if he would "hit that" or "tap that ass"..??
> 
> guys are gross horn dogs with piggy minds..and then we marry them...
> 
> ...


Yes. Many guys talk this way. It generally cannot be taken literally. He is basically saying is she hot or not. It does not mean in any way that they are saying they would be breaking any vows with her. Now for some guys maybe it does. Idunno. Depends on the group. I am not usually out drinking with people who would want to actually act on the "would you hit that".


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

faithfulwife85 said:


> I wouldn't worry much about that. Guys just say foolish things to one another when they are not around women.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup.

I understand why she does not like it. But it means absolutely nothing. She has no worries here. Just stupid guy sh!t. Sorry.


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Back on track for a sec...

To the OP,
As a married man I discuss candidly with my wife what I talk about.... And yes, someone ask me, I say either hell naw! Or if I wasnt already attached, yea I'd get at that...

Now, when someone ask (and they have) would you do 
blahzay-splee with so-and-so my response usually is that $*** I don't talk about but feel free to use y'all imagination...
And of course I get teased, I'm out to impress one person... My lady, not the guys... But I am honest with people, enough to say to the fellas I wont get into that and to my lady yea I think she's hot, and I've gotten teased by my wife for that to...

So don't be hard on your people when they're true enough to tell you the real....


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Brighteyes - I don't believe there is a double standard. In fact, I think the premise that there is a double standard is designed to give you the moral high ground on, what is essentially, a pointless argument. Men say things to other guys they wouldn't say to women, women say things to other women, they wouldn't say to guys. I don't see how it's your, mine or anyone else's business.

When threads get hijacked like this I always wonder why there is this need to moralize and impose one set of values on others. The sign of strength and maturity, to me, is to have your own set of values, live by them, and resist the temptation to impose them on others. 

To the original poster: I'd not read too much into it. He told you what happened. He obviously felt enough respect for you to disclose. His choice of words in the moment may have been poor, but if you make this an issue, you are manufacturing drama and just encouraging him to keep his mouth shut.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

seeking sanity said:


> Brighteyes - I don't believe there is a double standard. In fact, I think the premise that there is a double standard is designed to give you the moral high ground on, what is essentially, a pointless argument. Men say things to other guys they wouldn't say to women, women say things to other women, they wouldn't say to guys. I don't see how it's your, mine or anyone else's business.
> 
> When threads get hijacked like this I always wonder why there is this need to moralize and impose one set of values on others. The sign of strength and maturity, to me, is to have your own set of values, live by them, and resist the temptation to impose them on others.
> 
> To the original poster: I'd not read too much into it. He told you what happened. He obviously felt enough respect for you to disclose. His choice of words in the moment may have been poor, but if you make this an issue, you are manufacturing drama and just encouraging him to keep his mouth shut.


I wasn't moralizing anything. I was pointing out that many of the men who posted here that it is no big deal have often made a very big deal about it when the roles are reversed in other threads. Heck one of the guys here even recognized that.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Some ultra sensitive woman on here imo. Yes, that is how guys talk!! Unless they are ultra religious most guys will throw the proverbial "Damn, look at that" or when asked if they would hit it "Would I hit it!!! It would be the best 10 seconds she ever had"

I've been around millionaires, VP's, engineers, temps, mechanics, it's just the way it is. 

Now ladies are much the same just not as vocal.....but when my wife and 11yr old saw "Thor" at the movie theater they both giggled about how cute he was!!

That's all guys mean when we say "Would I Pfffft I wouldn't leave the bedroom!" all it means is yes she is hot!!

Take a chill pill


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I think it's fine to say that a movie star or a celebrity is attractive, the missus comments on hotness in movies all the time, but I guess it can get dicey when the target in question is actually possibly attainable. For me I don't mind, but I know the missus does.

After a while you kinda grow a habit of not commenting on hot girls even if all your mates are going "what you think?" "she's hot eh?" etc etc. You just reply, "mate, I'm MARRIED!" even though you may be thinking it hehe. But this habit takes time to overlap the old habits regardless, keep that in mind.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

STOP

Turning a question or issue posed by an individual into a referendum on gender.

If that is what you would like to do, please open a new thread.

Soupnutz comment is NOT ok and was removed. But importantly? It is not, and should not become the focus of the OP's post.

Did you stop to wonder how the OP gleaned this information?

He told her. He didn't like being pressured by his buddy, so he gave him what he was looking for and then felt bad about it ... and told his wife. He knows it was stupid. He knows he didn't mean anything by it. But in telling her, she was kind enough to validate his stupid behavior by feeling disrespected.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

seeking sanity said:


> To the original poster: I'd not read too much into it. He told you what happened. He obviously felt enough respect for you to disclose. His choice of words in the moment may have been poor, but if you make this an issue, you are manufacturing drama and just encouraging him to keep his mouth shut.


I agree terribly with this. :iagree: If we want our men to tell us EVERYTHING, be open with us ALWAYS, we need to LEARN how men think, how men relate, and how men are simply lustful dogs at times -with their mouths around other Horndogs, who maybe have less character, but that does not fall on your husband, he is just relating at the time, in the moment. I would personally give the benefit of the doubt and when he told me, I might initially think "really now" and then almost like a "fitness test" I would turn it around, not taking it personaly but SHOW him what I have to compete with that HOT picture & his response. 

You said in your opening post, he originally said she was "nice" (this was tame , reasonable), he could have said "Damn, wish I was married to that" but the horndog "KEPT ASKING" ....he was fishing for a hotter respone. 

Heck , as a woman, I have acted like this, around other women, trying to get them to let thier hair down a little, fishing for them to open up, show me they are capabe of being a little dirty, about enjoying watching a skin flick or what REALLY goes through their minds when they see a HOT guy on the beach. I guess I am a major Lust puppy myself. Call me a fool, I have even done this around Christian women- a couple weeks ago. (and they judged me, but NOT MY HUSBAND!) 

Sure your husband could have taken a stand, shut the guy down by saying "listen dude, I am married, I don't look at other women!" in a firm voice so the horndog could think "Whoa he doesn't know how to loosen up a little, we are just being men here". You are right, he had that choice. 

So the question is --- Was it a WAEK moment Or something more sinister? Did he try to DEFEND his comment or listen to you , and realize, "sorry Honey, I went too far with my words" on that one. ?? 

Nothing wrong with expressing how it makes you FEEL , as we should, so maybe he can be more respecful the next time around, watch those words. But his NOT hiding it and telling you the detailed dialog, I personally would find a "good thing". 

I know I want THIS with my husband. Heck he comes home & tells me about all the men at work & what they say and how their wives would chop thier balls off if they heard them. I get a little amused by this. He also tells me what he says along with them. I KNOW some of these guys, I have met their wives, they are faithful men, but yes, still tried & true HORNDOGS when they get around other guys. 

But something has to be said about his having had a recent EA , for this reason, I can more sympathize with your added concern, it immediately would take you back to his stepping over some boundaries that should have not been stepped over. So don't beat yourself up too much for posing this question either. 

I guess it all comes down to motivation, he sounded PUSHED for a response, if it was a weak moment, -we all have them, give him GRACE. 

BUt if you feel he is slipping away more so at home, not feeling his love & attention, his DESIRE for YOU every night , that may be concerning-but then chances are, he would have NEVER TOLD YOU THAT!!! 

What do you think ???


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

walkingwounded,

It is possible that if his EA had never occurred that you may not have taken his response to the bartender so hard. It is obvious that you are still hurting from it. So no you are not being over sensitive.

In no way am I excusing his response or that of any other married men who echoed his response, but please tread carefully on how you respond. A punishing remark from you may cause him to completely shut down from sharing with you any future information. That definitely would be something to be worried about.


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## fredless (Jun 12, 2011)

I was talking to my brother--this was a short time after I got married. I told him I would still talk about "hitting" other women, having sex, etc but there is an understood preface statement--"If I were not married and crazy about my wife then I would [fill in the blank] with [fill in the blank]. 

Guys talk and I know from my wife, so do women. It's really no big deal to me.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

women DO NOT oogle or think about other men in a sexual way, it has been stated in here by women and proven beyond a shadow of a doubt..........right?


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I hope my husband doesn't do this and if he does do it I don't want to know about it because it would be an issue for me. No, I don't talk to my friends about guys I'd like to do or would be willing to do if I were married. Boys will be boys and girls will be girls but Men & Women should know better. If there were a vomit emoticon I'd be using it with you BrightEyes


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

okeydokie said:


> women DO NOT oogle or think about other men in a sexual way, it has been stated in here by women and proven beyond a shadow of a doubt..........right?


I've never said I'd do that if I weren't married. I say, yeah, he's good looking and really, really, really attractive (Hot! Hot! Hot!). My husband and I talk about that openly. There's a big difference, no?


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