# Made a mistake, advice desired



## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Hello all,
My situation:
Wife moved out of the house after being served a DV restraining order. She picked up random guy in a bar and moved in with him. That resulted in a tumultous roller coaster relationship for her which ended in disaster. She moved to a hotel, couldn't afford it, and is now back home. That is where I made a mistake, by letting her in. In VA, I really don't have a choice in the matter as we co-own the house. Anyway, she is living like we are room mates, going out to bars, staying out all night, not coming home, etc. We have 3 daughters which she hardly takes care of. She doesn't have much money as she works for minimum wage. She drinks 5 out of 7 nights and says going to bars is her new "fun". She gets hit on all the time as she is very attractive. I ask her what she wants and she says she is confused and doesn't know. Of course this means she wants to cake eat, be at home while screwing other guys. That is not for me. 
I am nervous about filing for divorce beacause I make alot more money and don't want to be on the hook for spousal support. Is there any way I can divorce her without being taken to the cleaners financally?


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Married in VA said:


> I am nervous about filing for divorce beacause I make alot more money and don't want to be on the hook for spousal support.


But you're supporting her now, right? 

HERE are some books. I've read a few good things online, but I don't have the links.


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## Stevethe pirate (Feb 17, 2012)

You are on the hook no matter what. That is marriage. Plan on splitting all assets and being penalized for having a good job.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

How long have you guys been married? Do you have kids?

I think the best thing to do is just get a good lawyer.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

In some states, I don't know about VA, cheating can be an automatic disqualification for spousal support. But that wouldn't remove child support if she had sole custody or shared custody but she had the children more than you. So as suggested, ask a divorce lawyer about the cheating.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Thank you all for the answers and advice. In VA, adultery can be a ground for barring spousal support. I am going to get a lawyer. No need for child support as she does not want custody of the kids. I may end up getting child support from her.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Visit Dadsdivorce dot com for some good info, especially "The List". In your case you will need all the ammo you can get. Follow your attorney's advice on documenting her infidelities as well as documenting your parenting and her lack of parenting.

Strike fast while the circumstances are in your favor.


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## Marcy222 (Mar 6, 2012)

Divorce makes you poor!!! No two ways about it. I'm going though a divorce, a year ago I was debt free. Now, I'm up to my neck in debt, not to mention the cost of a divorce lawyer. I don't know, if I had to do it all over again, (he was cheating on me for years.) I'd still do it. He actually left to be with the other woman. I feel the best I've felt in years. But I'm poor. I live in MA, it's a 50 50 state. You have to way out what's more important, sanity or money. For me it was sanity. I had money and was miserable, now I'm poor and I'm happy.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

VA, right off the bat, cancel all joint credit cards.
Move half the money you have in any joint accounts to an account with just your name on it
Check with lawyer ASAP!
Don't tell her what you're doing to you know what your allowed to legally do


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