# Limitations and effects on my interest and security



## Cadmus (Apr 11, 2011)

I am the sole initiator. I have accepted that right now. She seems interested once a week, twice if I'm lucky. 

Additionally, what goes on in these encounters is initiated by me... but what's allowed is very well dictated by her. I have suggested in sensual ways different positions or methods but they are all denied.

Me on top, her on top. That is all that is allowed. I cannot go downstairs on her, she will not go downstairs on me. This did occur while dating, but it was always tit for tat, where I again was the one initiating going there, and I guess she felt compelled to reciprocate. She is well aware I enjoy it.

She has told me she feels awkward or not really the initiating type, but in the same vein when I do the work to get things going what's allowed is restrained severely by her mandate.

I never argue with her about it b/c I don't want to rock the boat or make her feel uncomfortable. However, at times I lose interest knowing I can't "change things up" to keep it varied, and my security and confidence divebombs. 

I'm not talking about anything considered taboo here. I hint and I test waters and it's always a shutdown where she just prefers I am on top of her.

Anyone else just accept a limited bedroom experience for life because all else is compatible and good? This might just be a weak rant but I am asking anyway. :scratchhead:


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Let's see. There are always lots of posts from men about their wives not initiating. My response to every one of them - don't even worry about it. Just initiate! Why? Lots of women, myself included, are 'wired' to be more responsive to sexual overtures. Many, many women have low drives and don't feel a lot of sexual desire UNTIL they get going and are aroused. So, don't be waiting for her - take the lead!

But you know - I'll tell you a little secret - if you get to the point with your wife where she really trusts you, really respects you, where you are the guy above all others that she really wants - she will likely initiate AND do those things that she isn't doing right now.

How to get there you ask? Well, that IS the key. The quick answer is to be the kind of man that your wife needs in order to get to that place with her, and you do hold that key right now - but you may have to keep working on trying to fit it into the lock. Don't give up - be the kind of man that she needs.


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