# sexless marriage



## sofie

Hi,

I'm married to the love of my life for about 8 years.
The first few years my husband was very interested in me and we had a lot of sex, although I didn't succeed in making it a really deep emotional bonding.
After the first few years his interest declined rapidly.
He did have some problems with ED and surgery but that is not what holds him back. He says he is getting old, there is more to life than sex, but he's just not interested in me. When now and then we do have sex, it's just sex and only for him. He does watch porn although he knows how humiliating that is for me, on top of being rejected.
He says religion is more important. He goes to church he is a newly converted mormon, I do not although I believe in God, he says that I should go to church if I really belief
Even that can have nothing to do with it, the mormon belief has nothing against sex with the spouse, and the lack of sex was already there before he converted. In fact I hoped that we would get closer, that he would honor me more as his spouse and turn away from porn.
I see sex in marriage as something that bonds two people, gives them a chance to open up, dare to be vonurable and please each other with out shame.
When I bring it up he makes it cheap, as if I always want "sex". I don't "always" and when it is toally focused on him, connecting and giving and getting love.

Any input on this? Please?


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## cb45

sofie said:


> Hi,
> 
> I'm married to the love of my life for about 8 years.
> The first few years my husband was very interested in me and we had a lot of sex, although I didn't succeed in making it a really deep emotional bonding.
> After the first few years his interest declined rapidly.
> He did have some problems with ED and surgery but that is not what holds him back. He says he is getting old, there is more to life than sex, but he's just not interested in me. When now and then we do have sex, it's just sex and only for him. He does watch porn although he knows how humiliating that is for me, on top of being rejected.
> He says religion is more important. He goes to church he is a newly converted mormon, I do not although I believe in God, he says that I should go to church if I really belief
> Even that can have nothing to do with it, the mormon belief has nothing against sex with the spouse, and the lack of sex was already there before he converted. In fact I hoped that we would get closer, that he would honor me more as his spouse and turn away from porn.
> I see sex in marriage as something that bonds two people, gives them a chance to open up, dare to be vonurable and please each other with out shame.
> When I bring it up he makes it cheap, as if I always want "sex". I don't "always" and when it is toally focused on him, connecting and giving and getting love.
> 
> Any input on this? Please?


methinks u marr'd the wrong man, my daughter/friend....not that emotional miracles arent possible here.

i'd advise u find a way to compromise by lowering yer libido and raising his by taking chailles advice & raising the intimacy stakes with H. Read up on the 'nets offerings on just how to best go about doing that. hope u know yer H well enuff.

methinks that along with prayer, once u increase the intimacy
u'll be better off with H cuz he'll drop the porn most likely out of love (or guilt, 2nd or last choice/reason) which in most folks cases is a problem for (truly) one or both parties (long term, or to be manifested somewhere down the line; if they're honest with themselves  as religious thought goes)

many a man/woman can relate to this song; hope u have speakers & a media player for this song on YouTube;
its a lament many H/W's have sung alone, in the car, the kitchen, or the bedroom......sigh. :sleeping:

Where Were You When I Was Falling In Love - (re-posted) - YouTube

[Mormons on the internet? who'da thunk it?!----just j/k]


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## PFTGuy

Sofie,
It sounds like you are in a very difficult spot, and I really empathize and my prayers are with you that you find a happy solution. I hear several problems, besides the sexual discontinuity between you...the religious difference is very serious, and his viewing of porn is also a serious moral problem. I'm a man who also has a weakness for this vice, but through grace I seem to be succeeding with staying away, at least for the last few weeks. He needs to stop that, if he's serious about his spiritual growth. It's not possible to grow spiritually while willfully engaging in that kind of behavior.

The advice to attempt to increase romance and affection sounds healthy...I like massages, which seem to help improve the mood (I offer them and sometimes she accepts).

I suspect he will put a lot of pressure on you to convert to Mormonism....I think this will be a big source of conflict.


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## OliveAdventure

Sophie, 

While the mormon religion does say no sex until marriage, the mormon religion is one of the few where the familes have MANY children.. Was this done by abstinence? I don't think so. 

Preaching church and then watching porn? I don't think so. 

You need to ask yourself if his motives are in YOUR relationship's best interest.

I am about to marry a mormon, and I am not. He wouldn't dream of trying to convert me. And he also woudln't dream of watching porn, unless it was for both of us. 

Please take care, PM me if you want to talk. 

xx


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