# Need Guy's Opinion



## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

Why would a man who has not wanted to have sex with his wife for 15+ years, want to look at porn?
I know that most of u will think that his wife has let herself go physically, nags, neglects him, etc, but this is not the case.
I always desired him & have stayed in good shape, wear make-up, nice clothes, etc.
Also, I have tried to do everything for him in our marriage like cooking his favorite meals & handling the daily jobs he does not like to do.
I don't get it.
Maybe u guys can tell me WHY?


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

mssherlock22 said:


> Why would a man who has not wanted to have sex with his wife for 15+ years, want to look at porn?
> I know that most of u will think that his wife has let herself go physically, nags, neglects him, etc, but this is not the case.
> I always desired him & have stayed in good shape, wear make-up, nice clothes, etc.
> Also, I have tried to do everything for him in our marriage like cooking his favorite meals & handling the daily jobs he does not like to do.
> ...


Better question, How/WHY the hell did you stay in a marriage that was sexless for 15 years???????????????????????????? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????


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## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

I stayed because I loved him since I was 19 years old & the rest of our marriage was very good. We were close emotionally (best friends), we shared lots of hobbies, & worked together financially, achieving life's goals. 
Also, I was reared to honor a commitement. 
I also was undecided if he could help it or not-were there physical problems he would not admit to.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

So, is it that he provides duty sex, or no sex at all?

I assume you communicate desire to him. Are you open-minded sexually? Adventurous and willing to do different things?


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## MrHappy (Oct 23, 2008)

Low testosterone? I got low T do to another medical problem and I noticed in about a months time my sex drive went to half.


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## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

No sex at all for 15 years & very little for 27 years. No huggin or kissing unless I initiate it. 
Yes, I always tried to be physically loving & did not shy away from oral sex or different positions.
Tried sexy clothes & compliments.
Don't know what is wrong but am still puzzled about the porn.
Why watch if not interested in doing anything?


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

mssherlock22 said:


> I stayed because I loved him since I was 19 years old & the rest of our marriage was very good. We were close emotionally (best friends), we shared lots of hobbies, & worked together financially, achieving life's goals.
> Also, I was reared to honor a commitement.
> I also was undecided if he could help it or not-were there physical problems he would not admit to.


You are a Saint. Hell, you are more chaste than most monks.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

This isn't a marriage. This is two roommates sharing a house.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

Honestly, at this point, after 15 years of neglect, I would stop trying to figure out this broken man and just divorce him and move on with your life. You have been far too patient to go sexless for 15 years. You may have been honoring your commitment/vows by staying married to him, but he has not honored his commitment to you by making you suffer for 15 years w/o intimacy. 

He's not worth trying to fix at this point, he's probably 15 years beyond fixable. You can still have a wonderful fulfilling love life with another man who wants to give you the attention you deserve. Divorce and go find him!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Your question is; Why he doesn't want to have sex with you? 
Any or all of these:
1) There is something physically wrong with him.
2) He is not attracted to you.
3) He gets satisfied by someone else.

You have posted that you caught him in at least an EA. So it's not that he doesn't desire women. So what can it be? 

My question is; Why would you take such treatment for so long?


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## mssherlock22 (Oct 27, 2011)

to Anchorwatch: 
To address ur post:
I don't think he does desire the woman he was seeing because I don't think he has sexual feelings- for some reason-whether physical problems I don't know.
I guess the 2nd post was why I never asked him why he no longer was interested in sex w/me. How does one go on in a marriage if one finds out that the peson they have loved since they were 19 really is not attracted to them. I decided to accept it since I held the belief that he could not help it physically & loved me & was good to me in all other ways until I caught him in an EA 9 mos ago.
This was the reason I stayed in the marriage but don't know what to do now.
Still puzzled about the porn though.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

mssherlock22 said:


> I stayed because I loved him since I was 19 years old & the rest of our marriage was very good. We were close emotionally (best friends), we shared lots of hobbies, & worked together financially, achieving life's goals.
> Also, I was reared to honor a commitement.
> I also was undecided if he could help it or not-were there physical problems he would not admit to.





mssherlock22 said:


> to Anchorwatch:
> To address ur post:
> I don't think he does desire the woman he was seeing because I don't think he has sexual feelings- for some reason-whether physical problems I don't know.
> I guess the 2nd post was why I never asked him why he no longer was interested in sex w/me. How does one go on in a marriage if one finds out that the peson they have loved since they were 19 really is not attracted to them. I decided to accept it since I held the belief that he could not help it physically & loved me & was good to me in all other ways until I caught him in an EA 9 mos ago.
> ...


If this was a recent event, I could understand the reasons for your stance. I would say, try to get him help and attempt to save the marriage. 
IMHO. 17 years of sexual neglect is is not something repairable. There is something terrible wrong with him. You've read the answers I believe are at play here. If you wish to add addiction to porn and masturbation, that will also lead to spousal neglect. That's four reasons now, for not wanting sex with you. 
I also believe you as much as him, having ignored the situation for so long, have a part in this. 

I also believe in commitment. My wife and I have also been married a long time. It has not been all peaches and cream. Yet I have never even thought of being with another women. Forget text, talk, FB or have a lunch date.
We both have been struck with illness that have effected our intimacy. With out prompting, we have both sought out remedies. This is what I consider commitment.

A commitment of marriage is not one sided, it is made between two people. He has not held up his side of the commitment. Your commitment has been broken.
IMO. Your reasons to stay, in this marriage, are no longer valid. You can leave or stay if you wish. It's not like you don't know what your in for. I do wish you well and hope you find happiness.


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