# Threesome in Marriage



## MummaOfTwo (Nov 14, 2017)

My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other. 
Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy. 
I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


There are probably going to be more experienced posters on other sites and forums about this topic.

Do you have kids?

There are a lot of dangers with this and you have to consider the risk it will present to your family and your marriage.

There are at least as many disaster stories as success or meh stories about sharing.

You two also have something pretty rare and you might want to consider cherishing it.:smile2:


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other. 
Our sex life has recently spiced up"
Be GRATEFUL that this is the case, and that you can spice up your sex life JUST BETWEEN the two of you.
Adding a third to a marriage is usually a VERY bad idea. There are some (on here -- I'm sure they will guide you if you really want this) that have done it successfully, but I think for the most part, most marriages do NOT survive this.

Please just enjoy the both of you -- just because you haven't had sex with others means NOTHING. As long as you are having great sex between yourselves, don't let curiosity kill the cat....


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

In theory (and in porn] a threesome always goes well, in real life, not so much. 
The chance of one partner becoming emotionally or physically involved with the “third” is all too real,
Your attitude going into this is key, 
more experienced people here can help,


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@MummaOfTwo I suppose it is technically possible that a married couple with children who have sex with other people at the same time may not blow their marriage up.

It's also technically possible that Unicorns may, actually, exist.

However, if I was asked to lay a bet on either option, I'd feel more confident betting on the existence of Unicorns, to be honest.

Look, it might work out OK, but it probably won't.

So... why risk everything for a few minutes of (dubious) pleasure?


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> *Our sex life has recently spiced up* and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


Then why ruin it?


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I preface my response by saying I have no experience engaging in threesomes or any other scenario where a 3rd (or more) outsiders are invited into the marital bed. Having said that, I think it takes a special kind of person to get into a swinging lifestyle. IMHO, you have limited upside gain and significant downside risk of screwing up your marriage. Simple questions to ponder first off (IMHO) would be 1) How would you feel if it looks like your husband is getting more pleasure from the 3rd person than you are able to give him? 2) How do you think your husband would feel if you are more into the 3rd person than your husband during the encounter? 

I freely admit that I could not handle seeing another man - or even another woman - rocking my wife's world. Even if at the end of the day we could objectively say that I am still better at getting her off - the fact that she might get enjoyment from someone else other than me would not be good for me to see. I know that my wife has zero interest in threesomes to begin with so in my case it's a moot point. But I know myself enough to know that I couldn't handle it. Frankly, I want it all from my wife. If we're going to share a life with all the ups and downs, then I get exclusive rights to her when it comes to sex. I'm not sharing intimacy with anyone when it comes to my wife!

Most likely, you and your husband have similar feelings - even if you THINK that you are enlightened enough to transcend our baser human instincts. You cannot outrun your own biology. 

JMHO


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

I always for spicing up sex life.

However, life is tough.

Why complicate your life by bringing in another?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Much good advice already given.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> Do you have kids?


*MummaOf2*

Sorry, Conan, but I chuckled when I saw your question!

Back to OP, who is the one advocating for the threesomes, you or him? If it's both, who is more eager?

There are people who claim success at this, and there are absolute horror stories, and all points in between.

If you guys insist on doing this, wait until the kids are grown and out of the house so the likely (though not guaranteed) downward spiral of your marriage won't affect them as much.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


Do you honestly believe you would be ok with watching another woman (or dude) ride your Husband? How about if during the threesome your H is paying more attention to the 3rd person than you? What happens if either of you develop feelings for the extra player? Is the something both of you want, or is it just one of you that is pushing this?

I am sure there are several folks here who can give you more insight into an open marriage (MarriedButHappy, etc...), so I can't offer anything with regards to the actual lifestyle. Just wondering if you have given some serious thoughts to the questions above?


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Do yourselves a major favor and DON'T. Sorry, I see a lot of divorce, and the number of times that this kind of behavior has gotten out of hand is more than enough to convince me that it is counter-intuitive in the commission of a good marriage. It opens the door to cheating behavior. I have rarely seen a couple that could compartmentalize this effectively. If, as you say you were and are each other's firsts, you do not want to add outside influences to your bedroom. I have known swingers. I won't say it never fails, but the instance of marital breakdown is in my experience very high.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


If you were happy with the idea of a threesome you wouldn’t be here asking questions. 
Who’s idea was this, if it was your husbands then you should insist on having a mmf first because I can’t see any man being happy about another man screwing his wife and maybe giving her a night she never had before. What’s the odds he wants another woman in your bed and then refuses to let you get your turn.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

MOT,

Normally from what I've read one partner feels left out or jealous.

There is also a good chance two people will feel they have better chemistry and fall in love and then fall out of love with their spouse.

I've been offered a 3some twice and thought better of it, I ended up advising the one lady to work on her relationship as introducing new people can create chaos.

There's also the issue of the life long bond you are making with an outsider and possibly blackmail.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I preface my response by saying I have no experience engaging in threesomes or any other scenario where a 3rd (or more) outsiders are invited into the marital bed. Having said that, I think it takes a special kind of person to get into a swinging lifestyle. IMHO, you have limited upside gain and significant downside risk of screwing up your marriage. Simple questions to ponder first off (IMHO) would be 1) How would you feel if it looks like your husband is getting more pleasure from the 3rd person than you are able to give him? 2) How do you think your husband would feel if you are more into the 3rd person than your husband during the encounter?
> 
> I freely admit that I could not handle seeing another man - or even another woman - rocking my wife's world. Even if at the end of the day we could objectively say that I am still better at getting her off - the fact that she might get enjoyment from someone else other than me would not be good for me to see. I know that my wife has zero interest in threesomes to begin with so in my case it's a moot point. But I know myself enough to know that I couldn't handle it. Frankly, I want it all from my wife. If we're going to share a life with all the ups and downs, then I get exclusive rights to her when it comes to sex. I'm not sharing intimacy with anyone when it comes to my wife!
> 
> ...


Exactly this, and as another poster has said who is promoting this possibility! Not casting any stones but since you posted you may have a hidden agenda for another man. And you already have sights on the man/woman already. 

In regards to your new spice, is it possible that you give the girl to your husband. Only to get your scratch iched. I know some men would without much thought agree to sex with another woman(strange), but when push comes to shove and he see's you all sweaty and wet with the other man ( who just happens to be hung quite well moreso than himself).

That is when the party starts and if he is some typical guy who likes to make his way in the world , he will possibly know he could never measure up in his own mind to meet your desires while you were F***ing the other dude, so vocal and moaning he has never heard from you. And getting banged by. ( JACKHAMMER RICK) would you ever be normal again. 

No but hell no!, is this not for the novice or weak. Or then maybe this is your way or his way to fulfill a dark motive somewhere deep. 

As wife and husband do get into some kind of kink, but keep that kink between you two only... As it has been said more in my time. 

"Don't believe that the grass is greener else where, it just looks that way from a distance because the weeds fill the bare spots". 

Tilted


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

OnTheFly said:


> *MummaOf2*
> 
> Sorry, Conan, but I chuckled when I saw your question!
> 
> ...


I know.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


 @MummaOfTwo Generally speaking of people on this forum most are struggling to reconcile a problematic marriage, trying to recover from infidelity, or move on in life after a divorce.

I'll quote an old friend of mine that was once invited to "play" with another couple. He could not help but to notice that when he asked the husband of this couple if he could ride his motorcycle that the guy immediately said, "sorry only I ride that motorcycle!" He thought to himself that this husband must care more about his motorcycle than he does for his wife. Now think about that for a moment would you!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We've had plenty of experience with threesomes, and for us they have been tremendous fun. Not everyone has a good experience - usually due to jealousy. That can happen if you try to repeat the experience with the same person more than a few times, or if you later decide you can each play alone without your spouse.

in your scenario, not having had sexual experience with anyone else, the idea is riskier. You don't have a baseline to know how to deal with other partners (most people have past experiences to draw on to help a little in this regard when having a new partner). If you decide to go ahead, be sure you read about this kind of arrangement on swinger forums, and discuss with each other all the possible scenarios and how you'd feel if anything does not go according to plan, or if you feel badly afterwards. Can you both deal with possible issues?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You have obviously been thinking about this for quite some time based upon your previous post here. 

To what level have you and your husband openly discussed this? 

As other posters have pointed out, historically, and I've been here over a decade, those that detail threesome experiences are generally NOT good outcomes. There are a few contributors that have brought others into their sex lives, without grave consequence ... but they are very few, and very far between.

Suffice to say, I hope you and your husband can find a solution to 'scratch that itch' without jeopardizing your marriage. First simple truth you can be honest about with one another, is that should you choose to pursue this fantasy, you do so at tremendous risk to your family. 

In terms of audience ... you aren't going to find a lot of supporters for inviting others into your sexual experience on a site where many are trying to recover from infidelity or looking for ways to strengthen a floundering marriage.
Certainly not telling you you can't post, or ask questions ... but responses are always going to be colored by experience.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Ahh threesomes the Russian-Roulette of marriage. Proceed at your own risk.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

badsanta said:


> @MummaOfTwo Generally speaking of people on this forum most are struggling to reconcile a problematic marriage, trying to recover from infidelity, or move on in life after a divorce.
> 
> I'll quote an old friend of mine that was once invited to "play" with another couple. He could not help but to notice that when he asked the husband of this couple if he could ride his motorcycle that the guy immediately said, "sorry only I ride that motorcycle!" He thought to himself that this husband must care more about his motorcycle than he does for his wife. Now think about that for a moment would you!


I think the problem is thinking of your partner as a motorcycle to begin with.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

sokillme said:


> I think the problem is thinking of your partner as a motorcycle to begin with.


Please refer to my favorite TAM sexual motorcycle comment and reply of all time:



lifeistooshort said:


> Rocky Mountain Yeti said:
> 
> 
> > I love me some bike porn.
> ...


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


If you choose to engage in this, and it goes sideways, there's no going back. It's a gamble, and statistically, not one you're likely to win. And as with gambling, never put anything on the table you're not prepared and willing to lose.

So I'll ask, are you prepared to lose your marriage over this? Is your husband a good trade for a few novel sexual experiences, that you might not even enjoy?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> 
> Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> 
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


As both poly and a swinger, I will enforce all that has been said about being careful with this. If poly or open has not been your thing, you are going to be entering into choppy waters. 

I have compared mono/poly/open to sexuality in terms of the types of people there are. There are the monogamous people, comparable to straights. They are the more default and common. Even when they accept that it is possible to love more than one person simultaneously, they can only deal with one such relationship at a time. Then you have the poly/open people, akin the the gay types. Less common, but they "need" the multiple relationships. I quote need because no one actually needs a relationship to survive, and they are happy if they only have the one for now. Finally the bi types, who can be happy with either monogamy or poly/open. And since open is about sex, and poly about the emotional relationship, one can be emotionally monogamous while being sexually open.

Now to your issue. Definitely take the time to talk and be honest with one another. If either of you does this for the other but doesn't really want to (as opposed to being honestly indifferent to it), it will eventually turn against you. If you think any jealousy issues are coming up or could arise, see a relationship councilor. Jealousy usually isn't a cause, but the symptom of another issue. There is a podcast or two specifically on that issue that I can point you to if you want

Before jumping into seeking a third, play or relationship, consider joining a swinging group or a kink group, and being in that a while first. First, these will be people who have likely already traveled this road and might have practical advice. Secondly, you can start attending play parties and similar events, when you can ease into the comfort of being around other people in more intimate situations. There are plenty of kinksters who are monogamous, believe it or not. So not playing with a person other than your spouse is as common as doing so. Plus, even if you don't go with the threesome, you have a chance to learn other activities to spice up your love life.

Good luck and I hope things work for you one way or another.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> If you were happy with the idea of a threesome you wouldn’t be here asking questions.
> Who’s idea was this, if it was your husbands then you should insist on having a mmf first because I can’t see any man being happy about another man screwing his wife and maybe giving her a night she never had before. What’s the odds he wants another woman in your bed and then refuses to let you get your turn.


Actually, the answer to the above question as to whose idea this was is covered in an earlier post from the OP in 2017 entitled "Hall Pass" - see below:



MummaOfTwo said:


> Sorry if this sounds more like a blog post, but anyway..
> 
> I met my husband, my high school sweetheart, when I was 16 and we started dating shortly after. When we were 20 we moved into our first house together, the following year our first child was born and the year after that we were married, with our second child born two years later. We had a very busy couple of years!
> 
> ...


I think it is the OP that has got the "itch" and not necessarily her husband.

From what she has been saying from as far back as 2017 is "I got with my husband way too young and I would like to experience other lovers etc". It seems like this is going to destroy your marriage and just maybe, you do not really care and are ready to make the move. I cannot say for sure without knowing more from you, OP. However, you do need to be honest here as we are an anonymous (safe) forum for you to share your thinking. You may get flamed for it but you will also get advice that is worth taking note of.

So, first question: do you want it more than your husband ? 
Second: Would you be OK with losing your marriage (eventually) over it ?
Third: Is there a possibility that you would be jealous seeing your husband with another woman ?
Fourth: What has your husband said about seeing you with another man ?
Fifth: Did you offer the threesome with another woman first so that your husband cannot back down from what you really want which is sex with another man ?
Sixth: In your old post, you mentioned that you decided to go out and have fun (without your husband knowing about it) - have you cheated on him in any way ?

You also say that it wasn't about sex in your old post but then in the same post, you say that you wanted a one night hookup and now, in your current post, it is only about sex!!! 

So you have wanted sex outside your marriage and still do. Does your hubby really feel the same or are you encouraging him along, telling him it will be great?


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Isn’t there a book about this called The Wild Oats Project?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I just wish you could appreciate how special and precious what you have is. Both of you being your one and only. 
Why would you want to risk loosing your husband and marriage for this? IF you have children even more so, why risk destroying their lives? My advise, make your marriage and sex life with your husband the best it can be and be thankful for what you have.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


I’ve never done that. As others have stated, it is risky. If you do a threesome, your husband will see you getting far greater enjoyment from the other man than you ever got from him. Plus, you may start secretly seeing the other man on the side once you’ve had a taste.

If you date a man separately, you will feel “new relationship energy” (NRE) and everything about that relationship will be far better than what you have with your husband, including the sex. He will probably know a lot of techniques your H doesn’t know, different positions, and perhaps a larger penis. And he may want to take you from your husband. (And, if you leave your H, he will then dump you.)

It could work out but it might not. It’s a gamble.


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## Talk2Me (Mar 22, 2019)

Honestly, it's a slippery slope. My g/f and I once had a threesome and the fantasy was def. better than the reality. There will be jealousy even if you set limits and hard limits. I think they are better for early relationships where things aren't serious.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

OP, are you still there? Are you ok?


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

If one must seek outside counsel they probably aren't secure enough in in themselves, or their belief in each other to participate. 

Before modern morality it was common place.

As one, who in the past, has had them; from experience they can increase the intimacy of a couple.

However if the relationship isn't an open book, that is no secret resentments, insecurities etc., best to stay away from it.

If neither of you could look at someone attractive on the street and tell your spouse they look hot without the other getting upset, defensive, insecure forget it.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Hypothetically:

How do you know that the woman may turn out to have a vag made of pure sunshine, and he ends up wanting more, and more, and pretty soon he's going back for thirds behind your back? 

What would happen if the guy you choose turns out to have the rod of Zeus and makes you climax so hard and so many times you pass out from screaming your lungs out and your husband's penis climbs up inside him and wraps itself around his kidneys in shame and disgrace... never to appear again? 

Too many variables. Too many unknowns. You trust each other right? That trust is based off what you know. It is what you don't know about yourself, and him, that comes back to bite you in the asses.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I could never understand the "we married so young and I never got to experience other partners" thing.

I know that's just me, because others do feel differently, but I just think the multiple partners thing is way overrated.

I mean I've been with a few (not many) and as nice as it was, it's just no big deal.

OP you aren't missing out on much, that's just all there is to it.

Growing old with someone that is still crazy about you is way more meaningful and satisfying than just about anything else.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

For some people I suspect it is just curiosity -maybe coupled with not being quite satisfied with their sex life an wondering if it could be better. Maybe also a desire for novelty (which some people have, and others don't). 






jorgegene said:


> I could never understand the "we married so young and I never got to experience other partners" thing.
> 
> I know that's just me, because others do feel differently, but I just think the multiple partners thing is way overrated.
> 
> ...


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

From her previous post, SHE wants to do this -- she wants the thrill of other men, attention from others, etc..
Due to this, there are already serious issues in the marriage.

Sounds like she wants a free pass to go out and get her jollies -- this would certainly end in divorce.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> From her previous post, SHE wants to do this -- she wants the thrill of other men, attention from others, etc..
> Due to this, there are already serious issues in the marriage.
> 
> Sounds like she wants a free pass to go out and get her jollies -- this would certainly end in divorce.



It seems that is were she is already, and once the taste is done there is no going back. To the same marriage.


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

I don’t think her desires are unreasonable or that they will necessarily end in divorce.

The reality is that we all make choices in life. By making those choices, we miss out on other things. For example, if you get your college degree at night while living with your parents (or in the military), you miss out on the college experience. If you go to college in Indiana, you miss out on four years in Florida or California or Hawaii.

By getting together young, OP missed out on partying with others. She had no desire to do so at the time, which was also a factor, but regardless of the reasons she did miss out.

But I’d remind OP that, like me, she’s also missed out on having her heart broken, being pumped and dumped, cheated on, catching STIs, etc. She’s never had a failed relationship. That’s not nothing.

In the end, you will do what you will do. I enjoy watching shows like Jersey Shore and living vicariously through them. And living vicariously through single/divorced friends. If you need more to feel whole, you’ll do more. You place your bets and take your chances.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

CraigBesuden said:


> I don’t think her desires are unreasonable or that they will necessarily end in divorce.
> 
> The reality is that we all make choices in life. By making those choices, we miss out on other things. For example, if you get your college degree at night while living with your parents (or in the military), you miss out on the college experience. If you go to college in Indiana, you miss out on four years in Florida or California or Hawaii.
> 
> ...


You make good points.

But the biggest point I take from this is that you live with those choices and deal with them in the context of your family and your commitments.

For example; if you were to say "i love Jersey shore and I'm going to try that lifestyle for a while even at the risk of my marriage", that's what she's contemplating. 

There's a lot of things I'd like to do if I had more than one life. I'd like to bum around the u.s. from campground to campground. I watch shows where people do stuff like this, and like you I watch and admire and even a bit jealous. But in the end, I married a wife that wouldnt have any of that. If I went and did that even for short periods of time, my marriage would suffer. I have a wife that wants me around every weekend.

No thanks. I made my choices, and I live by them. Maybe in the world to come.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Yes, l guess it would be ok if my wife wanted to go out and hookup with someone else's to fill her void of her so called lost youth and then try to bribe me with her and another woman. And if l said no then for me to stay married to her. 

l would have to rugsweep it best l could until she hooks up with my so called friends. Then the rug sweeping wouldn't work because the dude's that l knew would laugh and tell each other she wasn't that great in bed but can sure suck the chrome off. Yeah, maybe this does make sense.🤐😒😵


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

I used to spend a lot of time with a group of people at a particular local club geared toward alternative lifestyles. There were some young married couples there and some couples that were committed, but unmarried. I was super social back then, so I kept in touch even when I wasn't going to the club every weekend anymore. Each and every one of the relationships that opened during that time ended within 5 years.

Out of over 20 couples I know who opened up, two of them continued together successfully. One was a marriage of over 30 years that ended with the death of the wife at only 48 years old. The other is a still married couple who've made it past the decade mark. The husband in that marriage is rather apathetic in general and not very interested in his wife. The wife has tried to leave twice, but she doesn't have an education, has no job skills, hasn't worked anywhere in many years, and the other men didn't want to take her on. It's become a marriage by default. I call it "comfortable misery". Neither of them is happy, but neither of them is so unhappy that they can be arsed, as the Brits say, to do something about it.

As the others have said, open relationships can work. It's just much more common that they fail. So, are you willing to take that risk? The odds are against you. Do you want to experience other partners from conversation and flirting to sex so badly that you think your marriage is an acceptable loss?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It’s very possible and can be done HOWEVER I caution you. This type of arrangement needs to come with solid rules,boundary’s, and a lot of communication to avoid anyone getting hurt. If your relationship is shaky or you struggle with blunt honest conversation this will turn on you. This is a huge risk honestly


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> From her previous post, SHE wants to do this -- she wants the thrill of other men, attention from others, etc..
> Due to this, there are already serious issues in the marriage.
> 
> Sounds like she wants a free pass to go out and get her jollies -- this would certainly end in divorce.


Yep, I agree. This chick already has the perceived need, and the rationalization. All she needs to go over the edge is the right opportunity which is just a matter of time. Ain't going to be a lot her husband can do that will make up for the loss she sees. I'd suggest at this point to go ahead with the threeway, which will become a lifestyle. Ain't a lot to lose at this point. She is saying exactly where she's heading with, " I wanted a stranger to want to kiss me. I just wanted a one off, random hook up with an attractive man I'd just met who had a desire to want to kiss me back." Telling her how special her single partner relationship is like telling a starving person the bright side is they don't have weight problem.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My ex wanted to wife swap and he set a couple situations up. I could not carry thru. For me, my partner was my husband and I needed no one else and I did not understand why he felt the need for someone other than myself. It hurt to think that he wanted to be with other women. He eventually started cheating behind my back and once I caught him I was done. Personally, I do not see anything advantageous to this type of behavior and if he insists I would question the marriage and his love for you.


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## Steelman (Mar 5, 2018)

I can't understand the desire for this. I'll bet less than 5% of the personalities out there can handle this, and then they would have to be matched in a marriage. My guess is you both aren't 5 percent-ers.

So much can go wrong- probably even something as small as the other side looking like they are enjoying it too much while you are just lying there doing nothing. I'd stay away.

And being a guy- the last thing I'd want to do is be in bed with another guy.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Steelman said:


> And being a guy- the last thing I'd want to do is be in bed with another guy.


Amen to that. The bottom line is our girl MummyofTwo is going through her humpteeth year of buyers remorse. My bet is she's eventually going to give it up to another guy and its katie bar the door after that as she makes up for lost time. Her old man's gonna have a tiger by the tail. Reminds me of a chick I had that on her first time out of barnyard bruised my pubic bone so bad I could hardly walk. The damn tip she gave me didn't make up for the damage.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Steelman said:


> I can't understand the desire for this. I'll bet less than 5% of the personalities out there can handle this, and then they would have to be matched in a marriage. My guess is you both aren't 5 percent-ers.


Which is actually pretty consistent, if you think about it. When it comes to those statistically abnormal from the majority (LBG, left handed, trans, etc) the numbers tend to run in the 5 to 10 percent range.





> And being a guy- the last thing I'd want to do is be in bed with another guy.


And that's you. But there are men out there who are comfortable with another man engaging with the same woman at the same time, those who might not be attracted to men but are also not repulsed by physical interaction, and bisexual men.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


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## BlindedByTheLight (Oct 7, 2019)

Even though I’m new here and this is my first attempt at answering, it doesn’t mean I’m naive. I’m guessing but after reading the comments, it seems that your relationship situation isn’t taken into account. Talking from experience, why wouldn’t you be curious about what sex would be like with someone different?
I’m positive that, in reality, you know it’s probably not going to be that different. The fact still remains that you just don’t actually know!!

It’s so easy for people to make comment who have had more experience, although there are lots of valid points. IMHO would they not be curious to know if they were in your situation?

I’m not saying you should continue down this road, as there could be dire consequences!!
Be happy in the fact that your relationship is still solid, after all this time together, that the two of you are comfortable enough to even be discussing a topic like threesomes. 

Fantasies are often better than reality so be confident that it’s something you both want to try and have agreed on boundaries. 

A lot of very honest and wise points have been posted. Ultimately it’s a question only you can answer!!

Good luck


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

I had a girlfriend back in the 1980s that I used to go to swinging parties with. We met lots of married couples who swore up and down to us that the activities made them happier couples. Well I did it with my girlfriend a few times and after a while I just lost my attraction to her. I eventually broke up with her a few months later because I literally lost all desire for her. But what was really bad is that one couple who we played with once, and had gotten to know pretty well, ended up going at each other in a hotel one night and the wife ended up stabbing the husband. It made the local news, and I seem to recall she ended up doing some serious jail time. 

This swinging stuff just doesn't work. It's fun in the moment but it never ever bodes well for anyone involved in it. I say stay away.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

BashfulB said:


> This swinging stuff just doesn't work. It's fun in the moment but it never ever bodes well for anyone involved in it. I say stay away.


Hang on a sec. You went to several swinging parties, fill with dozens, at least, of partners, and you're drawing your conclusion off of two incidents? I know couples (and bigger) who have been open/swinging/poly (just one or any combination thereof) ranging from 10 to over 50 years and are still together. My legal wife and I have been together for 20 years doing this, and our spouses have been with each other for 10 and we've been a quad for 5. Don't ever say never, it's rarely true.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

maquiscat said:


> Hang on a sec. You went to several swinging parties, fill with dozens, at least, of partners, and you're drawing your conclusion off of two incidents? I know couples (and bigger) who have been open/swinging/poly (just one or any combination thereof) ranging from 10 to over 50 years and are still together. My legal wife and I have been together for 20 years doing this, and our spouses have been with each other for 10 and we've been a quad for 5. Don't ever say never, it's rarely true.
> 
> Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


for every post by a swinger on open marriages that said how great there
have been hundreds of posts where relationships and marriages where
ruined because of it.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

oldtruck said:


> for every post by a swinger on open marriages that said how great there
> have been hundreds of posts where relationships and marriages where
> ruined because of it.


True. Just like on this site where you mostly hear about the problems and failures in marriage, and far less about the successes. You usually don't hear from the successful swingers - they're too busy enjoying themselves and don't have the kinds of issues that bring them to sites like this.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

oldtruck said:


> for every post by a swinger on open marriages that said how great there
> 
> have been hundreds of posts where relationships and marriages where
> 
> ruined because of it.


First off you claim it never worked out, and you are providing yourself wrong by noting how there are those posting success stories. 

Then there is the tendency of people to complain more than praise. Not to mention that since most people as a whole, look down on swinging, why would successful relationships/encounters put it out there unless.it was on a specific site geared towards such, such as FetLife or private Facebook group, on which, BTW, I see more success stories than failures.

And it needs to be noted to a lot of couples just dive into this without thinking, and don't learn or prepare for it. Both have to actually want to do it, and not just agree for the sake of what their partner wants. They need to be able to effectively communicate about their feelings and be willing to examine the source of them. Such unpreparedness can lead to a skewed data set.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I guess it all depends on one's definition of success in marriage.

I have not seen a single successful open/swinging marriage yet but that is just based on my definition of success in marriage and also possibly, I haven't seen enough yet.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Where is the OP? She seems to average one post per thread she starts.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

BashfulB said:


> I had a girlfriend back in the 1980s that I used to go to swinging parties with. We met lots of married couples who swore up and down to us that the activities made them happier couples. Well I did it with my girlfriend a few times and after a while I just lost my attraction to her. I eventually broke up with her a few months later because I literally lost all desire for her. But what was really bad is that one couple who we played with once, and had gotten to know pretty well, ended up going at each other in a hotel one night and the wife ended up stabbing the husband. It made the local news, and I seem to recall she ended up doing some serious jail time.
> 
> This swinging stuff just doesn't work. It's fun in the moment but it never ever bodes well for anyone involved in it. I say stay away.


If I may ask, who brought up the idea of swinging in that relationship?


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

manfromlamancha said:


> I guess it all depends on one's definition of success in marriage.
> 
> 
> 
> I have not seen a single successful open/swinging marriage yet but that is just based on my definition of success in marriage and also possibly, I haven't seen enough yet.


Also if you don't hang out with those who do this lifestyle, you also won't get to see working examples.

Sent from my Z982 using Tapatalk


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

We arent swingers, but my wife and i have been polyamorous for about 7 or 8 years now.


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

snerg said:


> If I may ask, who brought up the idea of swinging in that relationship?


I did as a matter of fact. There were many years in my life when I lived wild and partied. Swinging was just one more unknown territory I had not explored. I wish now that I had passed on it. Seeing my girlfriend getting banged by other guys just didn't turn me on the way I thought it would. I liked the freedom of having her and then having sex with other women. But it all rang hollow after a time. Even though she said she had fun, I feel ashamed now for the way I treated her and used her.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> True. Just like on this site where you mostly hear about the problems and failures in marriage, and far less about the successes. You usually don't hear from the successful swingers - they're too busy enjoying themselves and don't have the kinds of issues that bring them to sites like this.


Yeah all 3 of them. 
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Kidding, just kidding. :smthumbup:


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

BashfulB said:


> I did as a matter of fact. There were many years in my life when I lived wild and partied. Swinging was just one more unknown territory I had not explored. I wish now that I had passed on it. Seeing my girlfriend getting banged by other guys just didn't turn me on the way I thought it would. I liked the freedom of having her and then having sex with other women. But it all rang hollow after a time. Even though she said she had fun, I feel ashamed now for the way I treated her and used her.


Bingo, jackpot , here's the cupie doll.

Thanks Bashful, for your honesty and even though she wasn't you wife. It's just wrong to do and to add salt, she enjoyed it.


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## BashfulB (Jul 1, 2013)

Tilted 1 said:


> Bingo, jackpot , here's the cupie doll.
> 
> Thanks Bashful, for your honesty and even though she wasn't you wife. It's just wrong to do and to add salt, she enjoyed it.


Oh I'm definitely to blame. I take full responsibility. I mean she ended up enjoying it more than I did, lets put it that way. :laugh: The swinging itself wasn't wrong in and of itself. What was wrong was how I handled my own insecurities and ghosted her in the process. She didn't deserve for me to treat her like that.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

BashfulB said:


> Oh I'm definitely to blame. I take full responsibility. I mean she ended up enjoying it more than I did, lets put it that way. :laugh: The swinging itself wasn't wrong in and of itself. What was wrong was how I handled my own insecurities and ghosted her in the process. She didn't deserve for me to treat her like that.


I will never condone, that life style, but what you showed is that, the reason it failed for you was a mind set. And l would not even dabble, with any part of that.
I am a one woman man. 
It's not the reasoning that some get off by recapturing or reclaiming, a woman. Or some sort of there own satifisfiction. I don't know about, l have enough male testrotone to be confident by myself or in myself. That l don't need another man to fill my void.


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## Jharp (Jun 8, 2018)

manfromlamancha said:


> Actually, the answer to the above question as to whose idea this was is covered in an earlier post from the OP in 2017 entitled "Hall Pass" - see below:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Holy **** is this not familiar. My best friend from high school was the Hubby in a scenario close to this. They'd been together since they were both 16 years old. Got married young and had a kid together. She was a good Christian girl, very traditional for the most part. Came from a good family. Not the kind you'd expect something like this from. She worked part time and made friends with some of the single girls at work. Lived vicariously through them as they talked about the clubs and the hot guys they messed with. Guess she got envious.

Soon she was pushing her Husband to try out threesomes too. She wanted hers first (MFM) before she'd give him his. He gave a flat no. He wanted no one but her and knew he wasn't the type to do a threesome without getting jealous. Also didn't want to put his family at risk. But she pushed and prodded enough to where he was starting to get resentful. Then one of her friends from work told her to cut him off until he caved. And so for 6 months they didn't have sex. Man he was practically unbearable to be around at that time. Finally he caved and gave her what she wanted. She was ecstatic. Didn't start sleeping with him though. That would resume after she got what she wanted. Well the night it happened he lost his erection very early on and had to leave the room as his jealousy got to him. She didn't even notice or if she did she didn't care enough to stop and check on her Husband.

They went through a very rough period where he wouldn't speak to her for weeks. Moved out of the house for a while and just generally avoided her as he tried to get his mind right. When he did talk to her he brought up his threesome (FMF) just to see what she'd say. Of course she reneged on the deal and wanted to keep doing things her way. He said no. And this is where things went off the rails completely. Turns out she had been seeing the other guy the whole time Hubby had been away. He only found out when his son mentioned the guy sleeping in mommy's bed. And it didn't stop there. Next she screwed the guys friend. Then she wanted the BBC experience and did that for a bit. Then she wanted the Latin lover experience. When my friend found out he filed for divorce and kicked her out of the house. That seemed to snap her out of it and suddenly she's trying to fight for her marriage again.

Of course the courts didn't care that she'd been cheating. He ended up losing the house, paying child support and and alimony. He's lucky and makes good money so he's not hurting there. And he's got a new girlfriend and they're talking marriage and children (she's 10 years younger than he is.) His Ex wife is living decently off the alimony and her job. She regrets what happened and wish she'd never done it. Might be due to the fact she can't keep a guy around for more than a few months.


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## Stormguy2018 (Jul 11, 2018)

Jharp said:


> Holy **** is this not familiar. My best friend from high school was the Hubby in a scenario close to this. They'd been together since they were both 16 years old. Got married young and had a kid together. She was a gokd Christian girl, very traditional for the most part. Came from a good family. Not the kind you'd expect something like this from. She worked part time and made friends with some of the single girls at work. Lived vicariously through them as they talked about the clubs and the hot guys they messed with. Guess she got envious.
> 
> Soon she was pushing her Husband to try out threesomes too. She wanted hers first (MFM) before she'd give him his. He gave a flat no. He wanted no one but her and knew he wasn't the type to do a threesome without getting jealous. Also didn't want to put his family at risk. But she pushed and prodded enough to where he was starting to get resentful. Then one of her friends from work told her to cut him off until he caved. And so for 6 months they didn't have sex. Man he was practically unbearable to me around at that time. Finally he caved and gave her what she wanted. She was ecstatic. Didn't startsleeping with him though. That would resume after she got what she wanted. Well the night it happened he lost his erection very early on and had to leave the room as his jealousy got to him. She didn't even notice or if she did she didn't care enough to stop and check on her Husband.
> 
> ...


This.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

To some people, a threesome will spice up things. But in the long run, I don't think it's really worth the risk should feelings ever arise for the other person.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Consensual non-monogamy is discussed in a new documentary on CBS. Here's a link to the full video:https://www.cbsnews.com/video/cbsn-originals-presents-speaking-frankly-non-monogamy/

Bear in mind that by asking for advice on TAM, you are still dealing with a group that has a largely narrow definition of traditional marriage so, while I do think there are valid viewpoints here, they are not going to be as supportive of polyamory.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Maybe MomaOfTwo has become MomaWithTwo ......


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MummaOfTwo said:


> My husband and I have been together for 13 years and started dating when we were both 15/16years old. We've both only ever had sex and done anything sexual with each other.
> Our sex life has recently spiced up and we've talked about potentially having a threesome, with a girl and then another with a guy.
> I'm just wondering if there's anyone in a similar situation to us (being each others first and only's) that has had a threesome and how did you feel about it afterwards?


*Ditch the thought!

It's an unmitigated recipe for marital disaster!*


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

On this type of Thread, with This Title in particular, I slightly flip, mostly skip through all of the males responses.

I wish only to read the ladies responses. Yet, yep, I am cheated of these.

The perfumed ladies leave their scent, leave their elbow dents, their cookie crumbs, and their milk drops aplenty, but not their words and opinions.

Ah, am I surprised, huh, not a wit? 

Knowing they were here and reading of this confirms my opines. I smell their ogling eyes, those previously glued to this type writ large.

That, they find this, these words and stories very interesting, but not ever to be admitted.....to.

Remember, it is that 'F' in the middle of two 'M's. That 'F' can be any dreaming and anonymous gal. 
No, no, not in reality, but in reading of some others plight, hopefully some others delight. 
That is some, the ladies wish.

What most ladies cannot do, will not, in fault, do.
Yea, it can be done by living it through others, with their eyes and the other's words felt true.

The thing is.....

When most men speak of these actions they speak only of the terrible consequence.
This, they must do. What man wants any woman to be so lost?
What man wants to risk, the loss of more?

Lost to them, a mere single man, here polled. 
He, that single poled man, fearful of that threesomes pull.


Lilith-


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

I have seen this playout on TAM a few times.

They almost always end in disaster.


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## happiness27 (Nov 14, 2012)

Talk2Me said:


> Honestly, it's a slippery slope. My g/f and I once had a threesome and the fantasy was def. better than the reality. There will be jealousy even if you set limits and hard limits. I think they are better for early relationships where things aren't serious.


I have to agree with this. I was once the single in a threesome for an engaged couple. The woman was bi - the guy was probably just trying to go along to please her. They were both extremely hot - and I was probably in the hottest shape of my life at 33. It was an incredible experience but I found it somewhat confusing as I really didn't know who to do what to. I did my best but I'm sure I wasn't the most exciting for the woman since I'm not gay and really didn't know much about touching her. The guy was a wonderful lover and banged me really well. They seemed pleased but at the end and sat with their arms wrapped around each other. I was very much the third wheel and left by giving them the thought that I hoped to have such a warm relationship as they have some day. When I went home, I remember feeling quite empty, unsure if I had given them what they were looking for. I didn't have sex with them again. The woman was someone I worked with and we went about our lives as if nothing had happened, of course. I'm sure she was, at the time, closeted bi.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So the OP hasn't even signed in to TAM in over two MONTHS..... and has only 2 posts. I think any more advice to the OP is wasted....


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

happiness27 said:


> Consensual non-monogamy is discussed in a new documentary on CBS. Here's a link to the full video:https://www.cbsnews.com/video/cbsn-originals-presents-speaking-frankly-non-monogamy/
> 
> Bear in mind that by asking for advice on TAM, you are still dealing with a group that has a largely narrow definition of traditional marriage so, while I do think there are valid viewpoints here, they are not going to be as supportive of polyamory.


Luckily there are a few of us here.

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