# His Jokes about my "other BF" or me leaving him...more to it?



## Miss Metta

Hi all
I am 48, and my BF of one year is 51. He often 'jokes' about my 'other' BF - except there isn't one. He also makes jokes about me leaving him. He's doing it quite a lot, and doesn't seem to miss an opportunity to do it. He can be quite hilarious about it, though. 

For example, I was saying goodbye to my mum on the phone and said, "I love you". Without missing a beat, my BF said, "is that your other boyfriend? Don't tell me....you dropped me on Facebook and I don't know about it yet...and then you blocked me, and I have no way of contacting you...". It was hysterical the way he acted it out, complete with facial expressions, and had me cracking up laughing.

We have been together solidly since October, when he got holidays, and then last week he needed to go to work for a day, meaning we were apart for the first time in many weeks. As we were about to part, I relayed to him what my plans were for my day while he was gone. The first thing he said was, "when I'm gone you can call one of your BF's over". I laughed at it and went along momentarily, but then hugged him and told him not to be silly.
I had an appointment and had to leave slightly earlier than him. We were outside kissing goodbye when he said, "Are you sure you don't have that 'appointment' with a guy? You look really beautiful today." I thought I looked 'casual'; summery, yes, but I felt I was casual, certainly not how I would dress if I were 'seeing' someone. 

"What, I have no make up or anything!", I replied. "You still look really beautiful". I assured him that my appointment was with a woman, and then rather than go along with his joke as I have done in the past, I hugged him and said, "you know there isn't anyone else but you", and he surprised me by saying, "Thank you", I would've thought he would've said, "It was just a joke", but he didn't, he thanked me instead. This is new territory for me.

On one occassion he said to me he was just 'joking' (about the other BFs), yet he does it so often! 

Given these 'jokes' about other men or me leaving him (which there has also been a few) I have asked him if he feels loved, and he says he does...he says he is really happy with me and feels very loved. So if he feels so loved, why the jokes?

Yesterday he was at work and came back 30 mins early. I was watching a training video on my computer and had it running. The trainer was a man and he was talking. When my BF knocked on the door (I happened to have the key), he knocked so softly I hardly heard it. When I opened the door he looked a little non plussed, and I explained that I was doing some online training. He looked at the video and could then see the guy talking and seemed to settle a bit. Then as he moved further into the room, while I wasn't looking, he moved closer to my computer, and when I looked at him he pulled back - he must've been looking at my computer to see the titles of my browser tabs that I had open. This is the first time I've ever seen him do anything like 'snoop'. There is no way I could've had anyone over, he is working away and I have come with him, and staying in a motel, so I don't know anyone.

He's a fairly confident, roosterish (the form here blocked out the word that begins with c and ends in y and means very sure of oneself but has a rude first 4 letters even though the word itself isn't rude) sort of guy and quite charismatic; he's never had trouble attracting women, though his past relationships have been real train wrecks. He tells me a lot that he is really trying to get this one right and do things differently than in the past, so I wonder if he worries about his ability to keep me. He even quit smoking for me. Very early on in the relationship, during an emotional moment he scooped me into his arms and said, "please don't ever leave me," which struck me as kind of insecure, though he hasn't done it since.

I have not seen any signs of jealousy, he has not ever told me not to talk to anyone or not to talk to my ex, with whom I am friends with. He doesn't give me the third degree, just these 'jokes'. I do know that in terms of partners, that I am streets ahead of his former women, I'm the most 'together', high value, classy and attractive that he's had, and he does see that other men find me attractive, even considering my age.

I suppose I am wondering does he make these jokes all the time because he feel so super-confident about us that he can afford to be flippant? Or is it insecurity leaking in? If he says he does feel loved by me, why the fear?

I used to play along with the 'other guy' jokes, but not anymore. The jokes don't upset me terribly, I just notice how frequent they are and they bug me a bit. How should I deal with it? 

all comments welcome
cheers
Miss Metta


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## Blonde

H went through a spell of accusing me of having a BF. Turns out H was having an affair. 

I wonder if your BF is projecting? If so, his words indicate that he has another GF and he is considering leaving you.


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## Miss Metta

Thanks for your response, but I doubt it. He has been looking at rings, so I don't think leaving is on his mind. I doubt too that he has another GF; we are together most of the time, and he seems determined not to screw this up. I know from other people that I am the first serious relationship he's been in for 7 years, and prior to me, his GFs were screwups. This is not only from what he says about them, I have heard it from other people and finally met one of his exes the other day and knew exactly why other people said what they said. This is not to bignote myself, only to give context - the type of people he has been with in the past, including his 'flings', were all problem women, and me, who is 'straight', and about which even he says is "doing well for himself" by comparison.
So given what he attracted in the past, and all the bad behaviour that went on with it, I really doubt leaving me is on his mind. Especially since he's wanting to get engaged.


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## Cleigh

My partner does this. He says it's his way of dealing with his jealousy. I get very angry at it at times because I know it's not a joke, its his way of thinking something might be up but doesn't want to over react about it so turns it into a joke. kinda passive aggressive in my mind. He mainly does it about my kids dad, which to me makes it ten times worse because there isn't a chance in hell I would want him back. These days I just play along because im sick of his insurcrities. So if he say stuff like "off to see your bf are you?" I say "yes well you know how much more well hung he is" or " at least he lets me spend all his money" or whatever. they are purely examples. Im over it so if he wants to feel insecure and I have done everything in my power to make him feel other wise, I just dont care for it now


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## sidney2718

Cleigh said:


> My partner does this. He says it's his way of dealing with his jealousy. I get very angry at it at times because I know it's not a joke, its his way of thinking something might be up but doesn't want to over react about it so turns it into a joke. kinda passive aggressive in my mind. He mainly does it about my kids dad, which to me makes it ten times worse because there isn't a chance in hell I would want him back. These days I just play along because im sick of his insurcrities. So if he say stuff like "off to see your bf are you?" I say "yes well you know how much more well hung he is" or " at least he lets me spend all his money" or whatever. they are purely examples. Im over it so if he wants to feel insecure and I have done everything in my power to make him feel other wise, I just dont care for it now


I too think it is insecurity. There is nothing you can do to change it. Any change has to come from him. If he'll go, I'd suggest marriage counselling.


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## samyeagar

He seems terrified you are going to leave him. He knows you are higher quality than anything he has had in the past.



> I hugged him and said, "you know there isn't anyone else but you", and he surprised me by saying, "Thank you",


This speaks volumes to me. He has been looking for verbal affirmation and just didn't know how to go about getting it.

Yes, actions speak far louder than words, but words still say just as much.


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## LongWalk

Some people adopt a certain humor commentary packet that may have insecurity as the motor. He is perhaps on partially aware of how he comes off to you.

For him it may be a sort of running joke. It could go on for years. Maybe he will drop it. The best way to get him to stop is to tell him that it hurts your feelings.


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## samyeagar

How often do you completely out of the blue just walk up to him, put your arms around him, look him lovingly in the eyes and tell him how glad you are to have him, and how he is the only one you want?

How often do you talk about your future TOGETHER with him?

Have you taken the 5 Love Languages quiz together yet?


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## WorkingOnMe

It sounds like insecurity and keeping you at arms length to protect himself. Has he been hurt in the past?


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## Cleigh

*Re: Re: His Jokes about my "other BF" or me leaving him...more to it?*



sidney2718 said:


> I too think it is insecurity. There is nothing you can do to change it. Any change has to come from him. If he'll go, I'd suggest marriage counselling.


He wouldn't do any sort of counseling. He has other issues I suggest he saw someone about but he thinks counseling/therapy is a joke. We work on it the best we can. The thing that gets me is, he personally has no reason to feel the way he does with me being his first but he hears about other peoples relationships and thats bad enough for him to have trust issues. Makes it hard for me


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## 6301

Next time her knocks on the door, start moaning and scream YES! YES! OH GOD DON'T STOP. Then mess up your hair and unbutton your shirt and come to the door out of breath and when you open up the door say "Oh Hi. I thought you were BF #2. BF#1 just left through the window.


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## sidney2718

Cleigh said:


> He wouldn't do any sort of counseling. He has other issues I suggest he saw someone about but he thinks counseling/therapy is a joke. We work on it the best we can. The thing that gets me is, he personally has no reason to feel the way he does with me being his first but he hears about other peoples relationships and thats bad enough for him to have trust issues. Makes it hard for me


Did you see where Sam Yeager wrote:



> How often do you completely out of the blue just walk up to him, put your arms around him, look him lovingly in the eyes and tell him how glad you are to have him, and how he is the only one you want?
> 
> How often do you talk about your future TOGETHER with him?


That's one cure for insecurity.


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## Cleigh

All. The. Time. lol to him though, words mean nothing. Actions do. So nothing I say will put his mind at easy, and all I can do is keep doing what I do.


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## Idyit

Yup. Security issues for him. The good news is he knows you are an amazing woman who he'll give his full attention and effort to. The bad news is that he's a "Nice Guy"

Read the book "No More Mr Nice Guy". You will have an almost scary view into him. Get him to read it. I wish you well. 

~ Passio
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld

Just realize that if you marry him, you are likely going to be stuck with dealing his insecurity for a long time, perhaps the rest of your life together. 

Insecurity in a man does not appeal to me at all, as I have enough of it for two people. Dh's inner security is probably his best feature. 

There are secure men out there. You could still shop around.

Just make sure that if you go ahead with it, your eyes are wide open, and that this is really and truly what you want and are prepared to deal with. Forever.


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## Miss Metta

In response to whether I show him enough affection, I constantly kiss and hug him, I am very tactile that way. I take time to acknowledge and thank him for the things he does for me. I tell him how wonderful I think he is (he tells me that I make him feel like Superman).
Sometimes he has also made jokes about him being ugly and me leaving him. These jokes make me sad. We knew each other 20 years ago. Back then, he was very attractive and had no trouble attracting women, they would throw themselves at him. But after 30 year smoking and partying and recreational drugs lifestyle, he lost his looks and his hair. So compared to how he used to be, then he is less attractive, for sure. His friend, after meeting me, said, “how did an ugly bastard like you get such a beautiful woman?”. He has also admitted that other friends have said, “She’s good for you, Sam, don’t screw this one up.” When we met, he didn’t look after himself very well and tended to be reckless. He now doesn’t do a lot of those things. At one point when we were having an issue, he went back to smoking for that week. I feel like that unless someone cares about him, he doesn’t care about himself, which is why he does reckless things and treats his body badly.
He looks for opportunities to come up and give me a kiss often, especially if I am focused on something else for a while. Sometimes when he cuddles me at night he holds me so tight I feel as if he is scared I am going to disappear into thin air. He once said that he hoped I wouldn’t get sick of him holding me all the time. I think many people might find it too much, but I don’t, I love it, and I tell him that I do. 
I tend to be a nurturing sort, and I do all sorts of things to attend to his comfort, and he says he’s never had it before and sometimes surprised at it. I get a kick out of being nurturing and attentive and tactile and tender. So there’s no way he would be feeling neglected.


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## AliceA

samyeagar said:


> He seems terrified you are going to leave him. He knows you are higher quality than anything he has had in the past.
> 
> 
> 
> This speaks volumes to me. He has been looking for verbal affirmation and just didn't know how to go about getting it.
> 
> Yes, actions speak far louder than words, but words still say just as much.


I agree with this. I would start seeing this as a need for reassurance, and rather than play along with the joke, which may make him feel insecure, I would consider giving him the reassurance he seems to need, as you did when you hugged him and said there was no one else but him. Given time, I think he would start to need those reassurances less and less.

Edited to add: I see that some dislike it when a person shows their insecurity. I'm sure he hates showing that vulnerability also, as he's hiding it with humour, but I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. I think kindness would go much farther in helping him than anything else. Just my opinion.


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## PBear

You say he's confident, but it smacks of insecurity. Being confident with other guys, or in a business environment, or sports... None of those have anything to do with being confident in an intimate relationship.

The "looking at rings" thing as well, after only dating for a few months... He wants to bind you to him as quickly and tightly as possible due to his insecurities.

All in all, I'd slow things way down and find out what's in his head. What happens when you go out with friends? Or are out of touch for an afternoon? Or go skiing or something for a weekend? His insecurities are not going to get better over time and if you commit more strongly to him (I.e. get engaged). It will likely get worse, in fact.

Btw, you say his past relationships were train wrecks. Can you be more specific? I'm curious how many times he was cheated on. And how many women he drove away with his jealousy and insecurity. 

Oh, and his "joking" is a covering mechanism. So he can express his insecurity in an "acceptable" way. You may want to start by nipping that in the bud. Sit him down, tell him that what he's doing hurts you and makes him look insecure, and it's no longer acceptable to you. Then when he does it, don't laugh, but gently tell him that you've asked him not to accuse you of having a boyfriend. Either it will gradually change his thinking, or his insecurities will come out in a more overt manner. Where you will know what he's REALLY thinking.

For the last part, I'm speaking from my experience. Over time in my marriage, my self esteem was eroded by a wife who shut down our sex life. After I left my marriage, I met a wonderful woman who would say wonderful things to me (as well as show me) how attractive I was to her. For months, I would deflect her comments with jokes. "You shouldn't drink during the day". "Go get your glasses and say that". I realized what I was doing, and how I was hurting her by not accepting her compliment with a simple "Thank you". So I concentrated on stopping my smart ass comments, and just accepting her love. And it's changed my mindset about myself. 

Anyway, hope this helps...

C


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## Stonewall

without more details i would say his confidence is a front. In reallity he is quite the opposite and very insecure. I lean away from projectinng on this one.


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## PBear

sdfgsgfhsfh said:


> I have not seen any signs of jealousy


We can all turn off our computers now. Case is closed, problem solved.

C


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## Miss Metta

Thank you all for your responses, there is much wisdom to be had from many of you. I think those of you who said he is terrified of losing me and probably needs reassurance have hit it on the head because of an event that happened last night.

Currently I am away with him while he works, and staying in a motel. He has a terrible snoring problem, and the medication he was using to control it has just stopped working. So last night after many hours getting him to sleep on his side (with not much reduction in snoring) and tossing and turning, I then took myself, my earplugs and a blanket and went to the other side of the room and slept on the floor. It was nothing other than night after night I am getting little sleep and I needed to get as far away from his snoring as possible. Anyway sometime later he turned on the light and got up, and found me on the other side of the room. I explained to him why I had done this. He was understanding. This morning he apologised again for his snoring, and then said, "I woke up and you weren't next to me and bolted upright, I was thinking, 'where is she?'; for a moment I thought you'd left me." "Why would I leave you when you treat me so well?" I said. He then added, "it was only for a moment..."

So there's the answer. His instant response to waking up and finding me not in bed was to think, even momentarily, that I had left him. He hadn't even walked into the rest of the room (he would've seen me lying on the floor further away) or assumed I'd gone to the toilet or something, his first reaction before reason kicked in was to think I'd left him.

ok, so that's the fear. Now I suppose is the approach to offer reassurance, tell him to 'cut it out' when he starts the other BF bit? 

I do know for myself that with a former partner I had fears for a long time that he might return to his ex, due to their continued relationship which was mostly kept hidden from me. So I was the one that was insecure. He kept telling me that he was comitted and wasn't going anywhere, and in time I'd learn that. Over a period of two years I settled down and stopped worrying about him leaving me (he then did it 2 years after that...LOL). So I guess it's possible he might settle down in time.


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## Miss Metta

PBear said:


> You say he's confident, but it smacks of insecurity. Being confident with other guys, or in a business environment, or sports... None of those have anything to do with being confident in an intimate relationship.
> 
> C


I think you are probably right.



PBear said:


> The "looking at rings" thing as well, after only dating for a few months... He wants to bind you to him as quickly and tightly as possible due to his insecurities.
> C


I thought that it was normal to start thinking about this between one and two years of dating? We have just hit the one year mark. I take note of your comment, however.



PBear said:


> All in all, I'd slow things way down and find out what's in his head. What happens when you go out with friends? Or are out of touch for an afternoon? Or go skiing or something for a weekend? His insecurities are not going to get better over time and if you commit more strongly to him (I.e. get engaged). It will likely get worse, in fact.
> C


Why do you think it will get worse? As for the other things, I tend to be a bit of a homebody and don’t do much, although recently planned a girl’s night out with his brother’s partner – whom I get along with really well, and he is encouraging the friendship, and another friend who is his teenage sweetheart but have remained friends for 30 years. I recently reacquainted with her; she and I used be friends many years ago, too. 


PBear said:


> Btw, you say his past relationships were train wrecks. Can you be more specific? I'm curious how many times he was cheated on. And how many women he drove away with his jealousy and insecurity.
> C


He’s had a lot of no strings sex. Until me, he preferred it that way. He says this is the first relationship he’s had where there is emotion in the sex for him – he has had trouble dealing with it at times, but also very open to feeling his feelings. He says he does not want to go back to ‘raunch’ for its own sake, he says he much prefers sex that has emotions attached.
His last major relationship was 9 years ago. I recently met his ex. When I say ‘train wrecks’, she turned out to be an abusive alcoholic. This then caused him to become abusive. Apparently everything was fine so long as she didn’t drink – once she did, she got nasty. Not just with him, but sometimes with other people. It came to a head one night when he tried to leave and she tried to stop him and he physically forced her out of the way a bit too hard, and she wound up unconscious on the floor. He took her to hospital, and from there he was required to move out. He then did an anger management course which he says has changed his life. He says of the former relationship that he shouldn’t have tried to deal with it by returning the abuse, that it was the wrong way to go about it. After that, for years she would get drunk and then ring him and abuse him, or send him nasty texts. When I first started going out with him, I was with him oneday when she sent a horrible text, and also called. I could hear her on the other end of the phone, and it was not pleasant. I have heard from many people other than my BF that knew her that she was trouble. When I met her myself, I knew instantly what they meant – she started tossing me icy glares and all I’d done was smiled and said, “hello.” So, he describes it as a train wreck because of the alcoholism, how it affected her son and the way my BF did a lot of the caring for him, and because how he himself turned abusive. He does not blame her for what happened, if anything he is quite forgiving and just wishes her well. He says he’s changed –he’s learned a lot from doing those classes.

The one prior to that was, actually, almost me. We were good friends when I was in my 20s and he was 30. It was getting romantic but he pulled away from me. At that time, he says he was messed up; he got an invitation from one of his friend’s wife to have sex, and he took it up. I fell out of the picture. He then took off with her and her 3 kids, whom he helped raise for a few years (we recently attended the engagement party of one of the daughters). Everyone thought he was an idiot and he ostracised himself from all his friends for betraying his friend. He says today that if there is one mistake in his life he could change, that would be it. He doesn’t understand why he did it, only that he was messed up in the head. Two years on, the relationship wasn’t working out, he contacted me and told me that it took a lot to track me down (he went to my mother’s to get my phone number as I had moved), and that it took a lot to swallow male pride and say that he missed me and wanted to see me. Apparently this relationship wasn’t working out – I hadn’t seen him for about 18 months – but I didn’t know this at the time. I agreed to see him. He told me he missed me, and wanted to know if I missed him. I told him no, I hadn’t, and pretty much told him I was living a different life now and it didn't include him anymore. I did it for self-protection – I had been in love with him, he was showing all the signs of doing the same with me, then suddenly took off with this other woman and her kids. I didn’t want to be used up again. I didn’t see him for 20 years until he looked me up on Facebook and we caught up, and this time he seems like he knows that it’s me he wants. Today, he says that I did the right thing back then, that he didn’t know what he wanted, and that I did the right thing to protect myself. The ‘trainwreck’ in this case was the way his getting with this woman screwed up all his other relationships with his friends, who didn’t approve of his actions, and also the way he had started treating people (very selfishly). She did too many drugs and she is, well, kind of, coarse – I knew her, and met her again last year and she hasn’t changed. She’s a party girl, with not a lot going on between the ears, and had a reputation for being a word for female dog, both toward her kids, her first husband and my BF. She used to call him names, and he says it bothered him. So her tendency to scream and insult him and the kids (this is true – I remember her doing that years ago) combined with the fact that he didn’t want to move to her hometown when she moved and she wouldn’t listen to his protests, caused him to leave her.

Those are the main two relationships. As far as I know, his ‘jealousy’ as you call it – not that I’ve seen any display of that – didn’t ever come out. Women would fall over him and do what he wanted; go where he went, did what he was doing etc. He didn't care all that much, is the impression I get. I just had a memory - when his last partner, the alcoholic, and he were at a party and they had just started living together, he went home early and she was later seen canoodling and groping another guy. My BFs friend rang him to tell him that this had gone on. My BF tells me that he didn't do anything about it; that she was acting so guilty the next day that he didn't bother. I would've thought a jealous man would've been right onto that one.


I don’t worship him or kowtow to him, so it’s different. 
In contrast to his other relationships, I am considered intelligent and educated, attractive, loving and caring, I don’t drink to excess, don’t do drugs of any sort, eat a healthy diet and look good for my age. I am creative and have my own interests, even if I don’t have a stunning social life – I enjoy my own company. I behave myself in company, which is something his former partners didn’t do – they could be rude, obnoxious or just pick fights with people, which he says kept his blood pressure up, wondering what would happen next.
He shows me respect – I don’t think that happened in past relationships. Does this answer your question?


PBear said:


> Oh, and his "joking" is a covering mechanism. So he can express his insecurity in an "acceptable" way. You may want to start by nipping that in the bud. Sit him down, tell him that what he's doing hurts you and makes him look insecure, and it's no longer acceptable to you. Then when he does it, don't laugh, but gently tell him that you've asked him not to accuse you of having a boyfriend. Either it will gradually change his thinking, or his insecurities will come out in a more overt manner. Where you will know what he's REALLY thinking.
> C


Thank you that sounds like a strategy . Thanks also for the benefit of your experiences.


PBear said:


> For the last part, I'm speaking from my experience. Over time in my marriage, my self esteem was eroded by a wife who shut down our sex life. After I left my marriage, I met a wonderful woman who would say wonderful things to me (as well as show me) how attractive I was to her. For months, I would deflect her comments with jokes. "You shouldn't drink during the day". "Go get your glasses and say that". I realized what I was doing, and how I was hurting her by not accepting her compliment with a simple "Thank you". So I concentrated on stopping my smart ass comments, and just accepting her love. And it's changed my mindset about myself.
> 
> Anyway, hope this helps...
> 
> C


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## PBear

Hmmm. Can you explain the nuances between being together "solidly" since October and dating for a year? Getting engaged after a year or two isn't unreasonable. 

Other than that, on my phone. Will reply later. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Metta

Hi Pbear

Oh, I get it. We got together a year ago. He does a lot of work around different parts of the country. So until October last year, he would go away for a few weeks at a time. I would join him on every trip for a few days or up to a week. The longest we were ever apart during that time was 2.5 weeks. We would get stints in between of 4 days or more, we saw each other as much as possible, mostly me going to stay with him. But we didn't have the continuity of day to day until October. In October, he took holidays and we have been together day in day out pretty much since then, he's only just had a week of work this week. Until October, it was a bit of an LDR, but not huge gaps.
25 years ago we shared a place together, we were friends, almost lovers, for 7 years back then. A whole chunk of the living together or getting to know you process this time around was skipped over because it had already been done; you don't need to find out what someone's sleeping habits or temprament or what makes him laugh, that work is touched on, but it's not completely new territory. So it's easier to move into the relationship more quickly because there's already quite a bit of history and prior emotional connection there. People change, but not that much. Does this help?




PBear said:


> Hmmm. Can you explain the nuances between being together "solidly" since October and dating for a year? Getting engaged after a year or two isn't unreasonable.
> 
> Other than that, on my phone. Will reply later.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy

I think he's insecure - perhaps he feels you're out of his league, so what are you doing with him? If that's it, you can reassure him, and time will also help to do this. Of course, that's if you want to!


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## Miss Metta

Hi
thanks for your thoughts. I wouldn't have put it that way myself, but yes, I probably am out of his league. So what am I doing with him? He's had to make some changes - he did this by choice. I was prepared to let it all go if he didn't want to/wasn't able to make those changes, but he surprised me by doing so. 
He says he is really glad he has made these changes, that he feels like a better man, and really, they benefited him mostly. He likes that there is no drama with me, I like that he is devoted and does things for me. He's a bit goofy in a charming way, with a great sense of humour, and he loves to make me laugh. We are both cuddle/kiss/touch addicts, and this works well for us. Men who were "in my league" I found had bigger issues than an insecurity about me leaving. He's sort of simple and refreshingly uncomplicated. Interestingly, his brother has also chosen "out of his league", she's way smarter and more sophisticated than he is; everyone wonders how he ever got her. I think people are saying the same thing here, about me and my BF - how did he get me? Out of all of the females in the guy's orbit, I really like her and get along with her, and she really hit it off with me. I also see where the choice for 'classy' comes from -although their father was undesirable and not a very good man at all, their mother is just lovely; poised and gracious. So I think both of the boys are going for women who are reminder of their mother. Interestingly, Mum is a petite brunette, the brother's partner also a small brunette, and I am most petite brunette of all. Mum is relieved he is with me because of all the positive changes in him - he's not reckless and doing dangerous things anymore, and he's quit smoking, and is just much calmer generally, so people say. He has to maintain those changes, though. I will not be with a smoker or someone who does reckless things. but he says he's really really happy to have made these changes, like he need someone to set some boundaries or something. Other than that, he's just very sweet, affectionate and devoted. His brother's partner says that's why she stays with the brother, because of the affection and devotion. And they just celebrated 15 years, as mismatched as they seem. I see many similarities going on here.



Married but Happy said:


> I think he's insecure - perhaps he feels you're out of his league, so what are you doing with him? If that's it, you can reassure him, and time will also help to do this. Of course, that's if you want to!


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