# Best to sometimes leave some things unsaid



## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

This article was originally posted at Leaving Some Things Unsaid
Have you ever been annoyed with your spouse? Do they consistently do things that drive you crazy (i.e. leave the seat up, drive slow in the fast lane, etc.)? There are justifiable times when we should express ourselves to our spouse, yet there are other times when it might just be better to keep our mouths shut.

I recently read the following from the Navigating Life’s Journey blog:Harlan Miller says, “Often the difference between a successful marriage and a mediocre one consists of leaving three or four things a day unsaid.”

Now for my wife, I am sure this is more like seven or eight things left unsaid about me, but that is besides the point.

Here are some things to consider before you complain to your spouse about their behaviors:
1. Are they doing something wrong? Just because they are doing something different than you, does not necessarily make them wrong. Difference is not a defect.

2. Were they intentionally trying to hurt you in any way? We sometimes have a tendency to think that whenever our spouse says or does something that offends us, they did it intentionally–this is usually not the case.

3. Would complaining to your spouse about his/her behaviors cause more problems than the possible solutions it could have created?

The next time your spouse says or does something that really annoys you, stop and think before over reacting to them. Think about the consequences of your complaints. More often than not, instead of saying something, it might just be best to leave some things unsaid.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Thats all very good for little things. What about always leaving the car or house door open. I cant always be there to close it. It does cause an argument every time, and only if a robbery happened would it wake her up. How long can you go on with bad cooking like too much or too little salt. Not eating it makes her even angrier.


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## HazelGrove (Feb 29, 2012)

Wise words, Riverside. 

Accept - try cooking yourself? Offer her a cookery course? 
As for leaving the door open... I have a terrible habit. I leave the cooker on, which is a fire hazard. It's bad and I know it. My husband never says anything nasty, he just says - 'I had to switch the cooker off', which is all he needs to say, since I know it's a fault of mine. I hope I'll learn! But in the meantime, I appreciate my husband's forbearance. He and his daughter tease me about it, and that does more to teach me to be safe than anger or annoyance would do.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Oh my wife has blown up pressure cookers in her time. Always puts things on the stove or in the oven on her way out and forgets all about it. Or sometimes phones me up to turn it off. Well my wife isnt like you. Nothing is ever her fault and she never does anything wrong. Never willing to learn anything, why should she, she already knows it all. The only thing that has ever taught her is too see the grim outcome. She used to leave boxes in her car. I took them out, she started screaming the whole street down that she needs it next morning early and theyre not worth anything. I said the thief cant see whats inside them. So I put them back. That night the window was broken and the boxes werent taken. She learned her lesson. I told her about a certain thing she does which she doesnt realise. Nothing helped to make her believe me until she did it in front of someone else unknowingly. Since then she has stopped.


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## HazelGrove (Feb 29, 2012)

Some people need to learn the hard way. Sounds like your wife is one of those, Accept.


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