# Does too much love stifle or smother?



## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

Ladies, can you ever be loved too much? Does a man, giving you too much love end up actually pushing you away? I'm thinking of stuff like the following:

- Too many compliments (even though he genuinely means them) dilutes their impact, which make you think he is just "buttering you up"

- Always tries to accommodate you actually mean he is a pushover?

- Loves you too much makes you fearful that he is too dependent on you (even though you know that he could take care of himself as far as chores, finances, domestic stuff...)

- Possible feelings of inadequacy, ie: "how could he possibly love me this much", or even worse: "I don't deserve to be loved this much" which prevents her from "enjoying it" and then just starts to resent?

For some reason I'm remembering an article I read over 8 years ago that contained the phrase "you put us up on a pedestal, but you don't realize that a pedestal is a small confining place to be"

And to that end, suppose a guy realized that he HAS been "overloving" (even if he genuinely means it). Would cutting back slowly (being more reserved with compliments, putting himself first sometimes...) help?


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

this is tough !! i think as long as the love dosent become controlling then you cant be loved enough.
and as long as the other person has time to breath and has personal space ... really its comunicating likes and dislikes


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## wantingmore (Nov 24, 2008)

Ask her and see what is too much for her.
I know I have ended relationships before because I thought the guy was too overbearing with stuff like that. 
Now I am in a relationship where I think my man could be a little more like that.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

“Too much of anything…..” No, you cannot love someone too much but you can over dote on them. Especially if you are not speaking in their “love language”. Take your clues from your spouse or partner’s responses and respect their boundaries and wishes.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

I don't think you can love them too much, but there's a fine line between love and co-dependency. I agree with others that it's about boundaries and making sure the other person has their personal space. Also, if you are catering to my every need all the time, then you are likely not taking good care of you so all that "love" comes at an expense and it can be a burden on the partner.

Early in my relationship with my husband, he always would do whatever I wanted to do. If I asked "what do you want do?" he was like "whatever you want". He was trying to please me, but it got to the point where I felt like he had no personality and that's just not sexy. You want to be with a partner, not a worshipper. So I made it clear to him that he needed to be himself and express his wants also - it made things more interesting when he did.

But the actual love feelings themselves, no you can't love too much. But I think some people can love so much that they forget about themselves and that gets really unattractive.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Chopblock said:


> - Too many compliments (even though he genuinely means them) dilutes their impact, which make you think he is just "buttering you up"


It definitely loses its meaning when my H says this stuff all the time. i think its about quality, not quantity. if my H says one really sweet, sincere thing it remains in my mind just as sweet a lot longer then a string of little things. its important to know your spouses love language to know what the quality of love is for them. 



Chopblock said:


> - Always tries to accommodate you actually mean he is a pushover?


definitely. i respect a man more who takes care of himself. it makes me feel more free to take care of myself. Of course i appreciate it when my H does things for me. but like the previous post, it only has to be one simple, really sincere thing. something that tells me he really understands me and is listening. 



Chopblock said:


> - Loves you too much makes you fearful that he is too dependent on you (even though you know that he could take care of himself as far as chores, finances, domestic stuff...)


i have felt this one before. it makes me feel like he's only with me b/c he's too scared to be on his own or something. 



Chopblock said:


> Possible feelings of inadequacy, ie: "how could he possibly love me this much", or even worse: "I don't deserve to be loved this much" which prevents her from "enjoying it" and then just starts to resent?


if someone suffers from feelings of inadequency, there's really nothing one can do to help them. they'd just have to get help for themselves. if you love them too much they'll have the feelings you mentioned above. if you dont love them enough, they'll still have those feelings. its a lose/lose situation for them. 



Chopblock said:


> And to that end, suppose a guy realized that he HAS been "overloving" (even if he genuinely means it). Would cutting back slowly (being more reserved with compliments, putting himself first sometimes...) help?


this is where communication comes into key. I agree with amplexor: 



Amplexor said:


> Especially if you are not speaking in their “love language”. Take your clues from your spouse or partner’s responses and respect their boundaries and wishes.


you have to talk about each other's boundaries, love language, etc to find out how each other needs to be loved, and what one is comfortable doing with respect to one's own boundaries. dont just assume one is 'over-loving'.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

---i respect a man more who takes care of himself. it makes me feel more free to take care of myself.---

I sure wish though that when they DO want men to be independent, they don't pout and moan and yell when he DOES put his interests first.

Is there a love language for "materialistic"?


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Chopblock said:


> And to that end, suppose a guy realized that he HAS been "overloving" (even if he genuinely means it). Would cutting back slowly (being more reserved with compliments, putting himself first sometimes...) help?


Geeeeez chopblock,

Man, I can't believe you are so self-effacing. Surly women like a man who knows his own mind, even if they wont necessarily admit it


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Chopblock said:


> I sure wish though that when they DO want men to be independent, they don't pout and moan and yell when he DOES put his interests first.


lol...ya that happens. its a learning process.



Chopblock said:


> Is there a love language for "materialistic"?


of course


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