# Aggressive cousin.



## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

I am in need of some advice  

My mom is placement for my nephew who is only 2.5 years old. (he was taken from my brother and his gf due to many many reasons when he was 9 months old and is still in the system) ok so well....she lives right across the street from me and my kids who are 2.5 and 1.5 years old.

Here's the problem: my nephew (my kids cousin) is extremely aggressive and violent. To the point he actively looks for and finds and throws knives, kicks, bites to draw blood, hits, wrestles, etc. He does not know how to play with my kids in a normal way. He can't share with them and hurts my kids if he even sees them with a toy at all. He kicks and hits animals, spits, etc. I just don'r know what to do. He had a very horrible infanthood and was born to a woman who used drugs all through the pregnancy. He is going in to be evaluated for autism among other things. I know none of this is his fault and I feel so bad for him but yet.....I do NOT want my kids around him because I am seriously afraid for them getting very hurt and also picking up on the bad behavior. The reason he is being evaluated is because my mom, his caseworker, etc have not been able to use normal discipline to correct his behavior. He has no empathy and does not care when he gets in timeout it just makes his temper worse. 

How can I take my kids out to play when he is right across the street and my mom wants to bring him over but I don't want him hitting, kicking, biting my kids or worse!!!??? She asks me to babysit all the time no doubt because she is burn out and exhausted as he never stops moving but I never take him due to the above reasons and feel horribly guilty because he is my nephew. She even asks me to drop my kids off to her and let them stay over but I always say no and it hurts my mom's feelings because they are her grandchildren.

I just don't know what to do. Any ideas? What would you do if it were your kids??

Thanks!!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Piecukonis said:


> How can I take my kids out to play when he is right across the street and my mom wants to bring him over but I don't want him hitting, kicking, biting my kids or worse!!!???


Time to lay down the law with your mom. Until the child gets help with his behavior he will not be allowed to come over and play. I admire your concern for the child but the safety of your kids is at stake. No discussion.


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## Piecukonis (Apr 3, 2010)

That's exactly what my husband says and my intuition as well. 

I actually went over to my mom's house last night to gently bring up the issue with her about needing to find a way to correct his behavior, discipline him, control it somehow...even if it means taking him to a psychiatrist or for behavioral therapy.

She claims he is just "all boy" and almost 3 years old and they all are like that and she started crying real bad and accused me of comparing him to my 2 kids and acting like I'm saying my kids and my parenting is better than hers. I was not saying that at all to her I was just saying that she needs to stop his behavior because I can't let my kids be around that.  She thinks I hate him because I never want him around and she's always saying to me "how could you...he's just a baby" when I tell her he needs to be seperated from my kids. 

It's bad. 

I am just going to take my kids home or inside the second their cousin acts up which is sad because it will be within the first 30 seconds that he sees them. I have tried time out on him myself when my mom just gives up and it really really does not work.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Google "conduct disorders in children" or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. What you are describing goes far beyond being a boy..I have 2 boys- 2 and 4...and their behavior is most certainly NOT anywhere near what you are describing. Until the child gets evaluated and recieves therapy/treatment, he is a danger to others. Period. He is not your responsibility- your children are. Your mom has admirably committed herself to being responsible for his well being, and you are responsible for the safety of your children. If that means they cannot be around their cousin, then so be it. Your mom may be in denial that there could be something so wrong with him, but the great news is that behavioral therapies CAN help, but it is a long road. There is no telling what he was exposed to as an infant...neglect, substance abuse during pregnancy, or even after...can all have an effect on his behavior, even though many would like to believe he was too "young" to know what was going on. Stay firm with your mom when it comes to his interaction with your children, and try to encourage her to understand that he can likely not control his behavior, but that child behavioral specialists CAN help.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

"All boy" is living in the 50's. Ask her: "what does that mean exactly?"


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