# Need help! Husband business is floundering and I have the only steady paycheck...



## Kristina (May 2, 2010)

I have a bit of a dilemma and wanted to see if anyone here might be able to help me. I will be extremely grateful.

I haven't been married for even two years yet, but even throughout our four years dating my husband and I have always had money issues. I actually met him when I was 19, and he had just started the business. Things were really good! We took a lot of trips and I even worked there at some point. Unfortunately, I had a hard time working for him because I didn't like asking him for my paycheck every couple of weeks (I'd have to remind him constantly), so I decided to get another job hoping that it would improve our relationship. Well, it did while we were dating. Of course, when we got married, things really changed.

At first, it was hard for me to cope with having to give him so much money a month and to stomach all of the extra things that he had to pay. I went from living a simple life in a cheap apartment to a situation where my husband owns a home PLUS a rental home. The rental home is in such bad shape that no one wants to rent it, and because business is doing terrible at his shop he has no money to fix it. I know that the situation is unfortunate. I know that I married into this. I had no idea that I was going to spend the past year and seven months helping pay the house payment PLUS house taxes, house insurance, his credit card, his employee at the shop (because he's broke), his electricity for the shop, both of our phone plans, ect, ect. I guess marriage isn't fair...and I got over it. I would give what he asked me and be done with it. Unfortunately, last night, we had a huge fight. We have never fought like this about money.

I had been doing everything I could to help him out. Since I'm the only one with a steady paycheck, I would give money above what I agreed to contribute when he asked it of me. This included $400 of money had saved from relatives for my birthday. I make breakfast for him every morning and take care of the house, the dog, go to my full time job and school. I never ask him to do any of these things. I leave him love notes and do sweet things for him. In his defense, he does sweet things for me when he has extra money. 

Well...last night I was in an especially good mood. I had just got paid, and called him and told him that I knew it was frivolous, but that I wanted to take him out to a nice meal because I knew he was stressed with the business not doing well. He seemed happy and we went to a nice Italian dinner and dropped a pretty penny. When we left, he started dwelling on the money thing again...because it's all he ever thinks about. I guess it wasn't good timing, but I mentioned the $400 I had lent him out of my birthday money and he freaked out and told me I was ungrateful and that I had no idea how good I had it...that he put more money into it and never complained. Then he told me that he wanted to split our costs down the middle. He knows that I don't make that much and am trying to save for school. It would eat up all of my paycheck. When I mentioned it to him he gave me a completely cold look and said, "Well get a second job then. I worked my several jobs to work my way through school. You can do the same." 

Now I feel terrible. I don't think I did anything wrong, and I know that business is bad, but I still feel like a contribute a lot even if it isn't all monetary. Everyone who knows me says that he is so pampered. Is it so wrong of me to want my birthday money back? Am I an uncaring wife? I just don't see what I did wrong...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I know couples handle finances differently, but it's always been my practice that once you get married, there is no more "mine" or "yours" when it comes to money. If his business takes off and he starts bringing home $20K a month, you will likely view that as household money and will rightfully believe you have a voice in how it is spent. You both are young and just starting out. Money is going to be tight and learning to struggle together to achieve common goals is the lesson you're getting a chance to learn. This "struggling time" could be the romantic tale you tell your grandkids and might be among your fondest memories. $400, in the grand scheme of life is a pittance. Anything you might have bought with it wouldn't have changed your life and would be worth nothing in a few years anyway. You're in the business of building a marriage, and probably later, a family. You're not interested in collecting trinkets. I don't have one thing I bought as a newlywed but I have kids and memories. The business may or may not take off. Richness of life has nothing to do with what's in your bank account or your wallet. It's about contentment and strong relationships. Rich people are often miserable and lonely and poor people are often very happy, surrounded by people who love them.
You had a money spat with your husband. It happens to everyone. Both of you are stressed and have good reason to be. That's the time you need each other the most. Beans and rice with someone you love is a pretty damned good meal. It beats anything from the fanciest restaurant, alone. Be frugal when you can and continue to invest in your education, but beyond that, I wouldn't worry too much about who pays what. You're a team, now, and either you win together or you lose together. To help prevent future arguments, you probably should sit down together and knock out a budget. Give the business a reasonable time and if it doesn't start paying for itself, adjust fire and make a new plan.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree with unbelievable. However, I will even go further since I'm a business major. Many businesses are going under due to the current economic climate. Those that do survive will do so because they make wise decisions. I'm not sure what business sector your husband is in, but I saw a huge red flag in your post. The business is obviously in the red. Therefore, it's time to look at two things. Either your husband has got to find a way to increase income, or expenses need to be cut drastically. For example, if he can't meet payroll, he needs to cut employees. Then, if he can't at least break even, he needs to consider closing his business......and finding a job. If you continue subsidizing his business, every aspect of your finances will be like that rental house. The rental house although an asset, is quickly turning into a liability.


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