# seperated



## fastclip (Mar 26, 2010)

Hi
i am seperated .my wife sais we should have a trial seperatiom

i run my own business in london,and have always provided everything
she said she wanted her freedom,that i wasnt there mentally or emotionally.

im back in the family home and shes gone with our daughter,my business is in trouble and i could loose our home
i feel good lots of the time but i miss my daughter and i sort of miss her too in a way
i talked to a counsellor.he said she doesnt sound well and he knows her
where do i go from her ./yeah i was codependant and we both had addiction probs in the past but look what is she up to.we been together 15 years both in our 40s


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## crisis1008 (Mar 9, 2010)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. It seems as though your wife has many hurtful things to say to you. I am never able to understand why people feel the need to be so cruel to the people who love them. I think most people have to make themselves believe it is the other's fault when desiring to be out of a relationship, so as to justify their desire and actions. It may be that she does have someone else in mind, and is probably unable to deal with the idea that she is a bad person. I am just speculating here, so don't take it and run with it, okay?

Nonetheless, I am sorry to say that it seems she is determined to leave, and is making sure that you don't stop her. I don't think anything could change her mind. At least, not now anyway. I don't even think you should tease yourself with the idea of hope. 

I know it hurts, and I know that you feel as if you may never love or find love again. I am separated and have the same fears, even though I am the one who left my husband. However, I do know in my heart that you and I are both wrong about this. Just take an objective look at the matter. This is how I use logic to get through the bad days. It gives me hope for overcoming the pain, and finding a greater happiness in the future.

I'm sure you know as many people as I do whose marital status is 'divorced.' Whenever you have known someone who was going through a divorce, they were always sad, hurt, confused, and depressed. Now, look at those who are divorced. While some do have regrets, almost all of them are smiling everyday. They have gotten over the pain. They have moved on. Most of them have found a new companion, depending on the amount of time that has past since their divorce. Some found a new companion immediately. Some are happy alone. Either way, they are okay today, and I firmly believe that we will be too.

Let her go. She will only hurt you more right now. She will only say and do more hurtful things to you. She will resent you for trying to pressure her to do what she absolutely does not want to do right now. Right now she is hardened. Don't hang on to the idea, but maybe in the future as much time passes, she will soften again and decide that she does miss being married to you. It's not like she is going to totally disappear. You will always have to deal with her for your daughter's sake. If anything, I am certain she will not always be cruel to you. She will not be so angry, once she feels comfortable with her life.

For now, try not to let the pain get the best of you. I try to stay very, very busy so as not to have to think about what hurts me too much. You never know, as time goes on you may realize that you really don't want her. You may stumble across another woman who fulfills you more than your wife ever could have.

As far as your business goes, I am not sure why it is not doing so well unless the ecomomy is to blame. However, if the reason for its down-time is due to your marital issues, I mean if you are just not able to perform due to the pain, then I have only one thing to say. That is, and I know it sounds harsh, but suck it up and get to work. Your business is the roof over your head, and bread on the table. Dive into your work. It can help you forget about your personal life for a while. Putting all of your time and energy into it may even make it prosper more than it ever has.

I hope I have been able to help, if only a little. Keep your head up. I promise you will get through it, and this forum helps a lot.


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## fastclip (Mar 26, 2010)

thanks for reply
thanks for your support, there is strength in knowing that others are going through the same thing.
its tough but i can handle this its making me a stronger person
ive had women to talk to at work that have said its been nice meeting you and these are strangers ,yeah my confidence is returning and im going to concentrate on my daughter.im wondering if i ever loved her!
thanks crisis for the advice!


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