# For those of you w depression



## satrap (Nov 9, 2013)

Do you ever wonder if not only is your depression causing problems with your marriage, but your marriage is causing you to be depressed? 

I've been suffering from severe anxiety and depression for about 9 months now due to what I thought was job stress and income issues (these are real), but as I ponder it, I believe that my depression is also due to the fact that my job was sort-of the 'last line' of mental health in a life that hasn't been so great in terms of my marriage. In other words, my self esteem was fine when my income was great; now that it's not, I think my mediocre marriage is front and center and it all looks bleak.

It's tough to untangle all of this, of course, but I was simply wondering if anyone else out there has similar complicated issues.....


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Yes I've pondered this myself. I wasn't aware I was depressed until after my husband checked out of the marriage. I no longer blame him though because had I been healthy I would have dealt with it instead of allowing him to bring me down. I know now my self esteem has little to do with anything outside of me.

Once I figured this out my depression vanished.

Oh and he was still checked out at the time.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I am always much more prone to depression when my income is low. I work in a tourist related industry in a seasonal area so yes I understand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Situational depression is very real. Loss of a job, a marriage, a loved one, can all cause depression that lasts until the event has been processed and handled.


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## satrap (Nov 9, 2013)

Thanks for sharing! What's really hard in my marriage is that my wife is, I believe, perfectly happy. Not with our marriage, mind you, because I doubt anyone could be truly happy about that. But she's happy in her situation: friends, hobbies, etc. She's very much in love with her girlfriends, which I admire but don't really want to emulate. I don't want more male friends or hobbies, I think I'd just like a spouse who shared interests and was interested in me primarily....


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## satrap (Nov 9, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Situational depression is very real. Loss of a job, a marriage, a loved one, can all cause depression that lasts until the event has been processed and handled.


Yes; I've come to believe that all depression/anxiety etc. is similar and we simply pigeonhole different descriptions about mental states into different categories, even though it's basically our brains in a state of sorrow no matter what the diagnosis.


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## H30 (Nov 23, 2013)

Certainly. Which came first, the chicken or the egg so to speak. 

We may have the capability of becoming depressed and certain trigger events push us over the edge. 

I've struggled with body image/self esteem since preteen years, I thought I was getting better with it and had more good days than bad for a couple of years. Then my husband threw the bomb of our imploding marriage in my face, took away the affection, the "I love you" and basically only showed affection if he wanted sex.....he now is upset that he has seen me relapse in terms of my body image issues. Well, duh!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

satrap said:


> Thanks for sharing! What's really hard in my marriage is that my wife is, I believe, perfectly happy. Not with our marriage, mind you, because I doubt anyone could be truly happy about that. But she's happy in her situation: friends, hobbies, etc. She's very much in love with her girlfriends, which I admire but don't really want to emulate. *I don't want more male friends or hobbies*, I think I'd just like a spouse who shared interests and was interested in me primarily....


Unless she's doing it more than she's spending time with you, what she's doing is healthy, and is what you should be doing. You should both have outside interests. I've had to bribe my husband with tickets over the years just to get him out of the house and take a friend to a hockey game. Not healthy.

That said, there are many things you can do to make your marriage better. Have you read HNHN yet?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

If you take pride in work, getting paid well and that changes some depression will set in. The one constant in married life is well your married 24/7. I think a great deal of people who start getting depressed because of external problems will start to question everything that is going on in life. Depressed people tend of look at every problem, focus on every problem. Thats how they get deeper into depression. No marriage is perfect, now since you are depressed you start to focus on those problems. 

I was out of work for a year several years ago. I found myself getting depressed, the constant rejection of not finding a job I wanted, the possibility of moving away from the town I lived my whole life basically in order to find work. Seeing my wife work extra to help pay bills. I started to question everything in my life including married life. An external problem was creating a ripple effect of problems. In any other situation most of the problems were small and not a big deal but being depressed already they became real problems to me.

My stbw, took great pride in her career, lost a very good job 3 years ago. She had depression issues to begin with. This added to her depression, each rejection from potential employers pushed her further. Her father was diagnosed with alzheimers, that depressed her more. Her favorite dog developed cancer, further depressed. She started questioning everything in her life. She quits taking her meds because she decides she cant afford them because of being unemployed. Someone new comes along she starts feeling good because of compliments, flirting she escapes...an affair. Now suddenly she hasnt been happy for years, usual affair justification. 

Point being when life changing events happen, illness, job loss everybody will question their whole life. These events happen periodically to everyone. Talk to your wife about how you are feeling, she is probably seeing the same things in your marriage but from a different perspective and work on them together


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

anyone suffering from depression or anxiety(which in my experience, leads to depression) should watch this TED talk. it presents some interesting findings, which suggest that we can actually change the chemical balance in our brains.

Amy Cuddy: Your body language shapes who you are | Video on TED.com


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