# Coping techniques for letting go



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Help, I'm 30 days into the process of dealing with going through a divorce, was given the whole I love you but not in love with you speech. Soon to be ex wife has told me she has already let me go. We have two children so I can't totally not talk to her. I accept the fact that we are getting a divorce, that only she can change her heart. 

I'm trying to figure out how do I get my mind and heart to let her go? We were married 9 years, together for 11.

Suggestions please? I can't take this rollercoaster ride anymore.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> Help, I'm 30 days into the process of dealing with going through a divorce, was given the whole I love you but not in love with you speech. Soon to be ex wife has told me she has already let me go. We have two children so I can't totally not talk to her. I accept the fact that we are getting a divorce, that only she can change her heart.
> 
> I'm trying to figure out how do I get my mind and heart to let her go? We were married 9 years, together for 11.
> 
> Suggestions please? I can't take this rollercoaster ride anymore.


if you figure it out, let me know.
right at 4 months separated and still having a hard time with it but have just decided its time to move on.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Almost 6 months separated and seem to be going through another wave of the feelings I had when he first left. I'm not sure how you let go. I still hold a glimmer of hope, but I know it's for not. I don't think he ever plans on coming back. We were married 23 years when he left, together for 26.


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## cherokee96red (Apr 23, 2011)

Waiting for the revelation too.

Married 24 years, together nearly 26, now separated almost a year. Financial constraints keeping things in prolonged limbo.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

Married 28, will be together for 30 years on May 4th of this year. You can't make sense, just need to accept and move on.


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## cyan (Dec 4, 2011)

Yeah, the roller coaster sucks, doesn't it? 

I've been trying to figure out how to let go too, but haven't really come up with a sure-fire technique. I love to read so picked up a great book on healing after abandonment, and honestly, that seems to be the only thing that's helped; mostly I think, because the content sparks true to my heart and situation, and I know what I'm feeling is "normal."



proudwidaddy said:


> I can't take this rollercoaster ride anymore.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I am not going through a divorce, but my husband did leave me. he did move home but while he was gone, I found myself again.

I don't know the answer for you, but try the 180. Not to get her back, but to be able to let go.

Realize your life is not over. It's sad and my heart breaks for the people on here in such tragedy, but I know there are good things out there for you all.

Also, don't believe her when she says she's let you go. People who let other people go don't feel the need to say it. She's saying that to convince herself.

Hubs told me he'd NEVER EVER move home. EVER. He was strict on that. Yea. He's home now.


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## IfIwasYourVampire (Jan 5, 2012)

my wife told me not long ago that she let me go 9 months before our separation and she expects me to act normally if she wants to date OM, i'm like WTF!!! i havent had not even 10 days to start the process of letting go, it's so frustrating knowing that your wife is so detached by now that there is really nothing that can be done to save the marriage
proudwidaddy just try to keep your mind busy, go out , talk to other people, go to the gym, whatever it takes to keep your mind clear...


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Married 18 years. H had EA last April. Moved out Dec 11.
Just take things a day at a time. That's what I am trying to do. Don't worry about next week and just look after yourself for today.
Don't push yourself to heal and get over it. You will recover in your own time.
The best thing I ha e read is to allow myself to feel. Don't push your feelings aside or try to supress them. They are there for a reason. If you need to cry, then cry, if you need to be angry, be angry. Trying to supress the feelings won't make then go away. They will just build up.
I try not to lose myself in the grief anymore though. I sit, I think, I have a cry, then try and get on withy day.

It's so hard at times, to even want to get dressed, but having 3 kids helps, I've got to think of them.
Reading and journalling helped me too. 
Good luck to you x
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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