# found passwords motherlode, now what?



## fritatas (Dec 19, 2017)

I'm fairly sure my boyfriend of one year has been cheating on me. It's just how he acts. Something is off. He's taking special precautions with his cell phone, keeping it very close to his body and making sure to not let me see his password as he enters it. Same thing with his computer. And acting this way is new. It started happening a week ago -- or roughly two weeks after we moved in together. Anyway, he rushed off to work today and mistakenly left his laptop open right to a spreadsheet that contains all his passwords. Ugh. I kept a copy of the spreadsheet and am determined to see if my suspicions are well founded or not, if I can. Here's what I've got. I need some advice.

1/ I have his icloud password. I'd assume his ID is his usual email address. My fear is that he's changed the password and not updated the spreadsheet. What happens if I try to sign on to his icloud using a wrong password? Will he be notified? Meanwhile, I'm also worried that if I use my laptop, a Pc, it'll set off alarms too. Maybe someone here can offer me some advice.

2/ He's listed two phones as burner phones (red flag!!!!), along w/ passwords at Verizon. Would it be possible for me to sign onto his accounts at V without tipping anyone off?

3/ I have his iphone password, too, but I'm not sure what to do with it, and I'm scared to try it out in case it's been changed, too, and he gets notified. I'd put teensafe on it, but again I'm scared that he'll be notified. Advice here anyone?

4/ He's got accounts set up at 5 different dating sites, but I tried the passwords and none of them work. I'm assuming he's not longer using these sites. But to me they are another big red flag.

5/ I also have what I think is his Facebook password. If I try to sign on from my computer or if I try to sign in and the password is wrong, will he be notified?

6/ I think I have his itunes info too. But i don't know what to do with that info. This is all very new to me, and I am very confused and upset. I'm trembling. But I know what I need to do, I just don't know how to do it, so if anyone here could offer me some advice, that would be great. Thanks!


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

My advice is that given the incredibly high level of mistrust you have for him, you tell him it's not working out and you go your separate ways. 

It's not like it's going to get better.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Boyfriend?

This is easy.

Dump him.


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## fritatas (Dec 19, 2017)

Yes, I suppose you're right. But for my own peace of mind going forward, I'd feel much better if I knew the truth. Yes, he's just a boyfriend. But I am still in love with him. And we just moved in together, so if we split up, I don't even have a viable place to go. If worse comes to worse, I will move out and make do. But it sure will be a costly disruption and I don't want to do it unless I have to. Does that make sense to you? In any case, those are my feelings, and that being the case, could you offer any help regarding my questions above? Thanks!


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## Bonkers (Nov 26, 2017)

Get a keylogger program. 

They're fairly easy to use even if you've got minimum computer skills. 

You do need access to his computer though, so perhaps ask him to set up an account for you on his pc. 

Then it's simply a matter of downloading and installing it. Many free ones out there I can point you to one I used in the past. 

Then when you log on you simply run the program and it will show you everything he typed during his session.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Act dumb. Start an exit plan. Save some money,rent a place and move out when hes at work.

Hes not worth any more of your time.

Good luck.


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## introvert (May 30, 2016)

fritatas said:


> I'm fairly sure my boyfriend of one year has been cheating on me. It's just how he acts. Something is off. He's taking special precautions with his cell phone, keeping it very close to his body and making sure to not let me see his password as he enters it. Same thing with his computer. And acting this way is new. It started happening a week ago -- or roughly two weeks after we moved in together. Anyway, he rushed off to work today and mistakenly left his laptop open right to a spreadsheet that contains all his passwords. Ugh. I kept a copy of the spreadsheet and am determined to see if my suspicions are well founded or not, if I can. Here's what I've got. I need some advice.
> 
> 1/ I have his icloud password. I'd assume his ID is his usual email address. My fear is that he's changed the password and not updated the spreadsheet. What happens if I try to sign on to his icloud using a wrong password? Will he be notified? Meanwhile, I'm also worried that if I use my laptop, a Pc, it'll set off alarms too. Maybe someone here can offer me some advice.
> 
> ...


OP, you already don't trust him, and you already have all the evidence you need that something is awry. Burner phones? Hiding his passwords and keeping his phone close?

Get out now. Don't even lower yourself to snooping.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If you are not married and you have lots of reasons to mistrust him, why not just break up. If you find something, I assume you will want to end the relationship. If you don't find something will you really believe that nothing is going on , or that you just didn't find proof?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

fritatas said:


> 2/ He's listed two phones as burner phones (red flag!!!!), along w/ passwords at Verizon. Would it be possible for me to sign onto his accounts at V without tipping anyone off?


I'm confused by this one. Does Verizon really sell burner phones?

Do you mean that his Verizon accounts show 3 phone numbers? How do you know that has 2 more actual phones?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Ah, yes...

A careful, sneaky man leaves his laptop open...
To passwords that do not work.

At least those that you tried.

He is at least:

Smart, crafty but easily distracted, absent minded, he left it open to a spreadsheet with passwords, irrefuteable clues.

He did this open spreadsheet thing on purpose. To drive an already jealous, already suspicious girlfriend, thought to be insane, actually that...insane.

Hold back your fire
Hold back your fire until you see this white of his eyes. The white rimmed, lying eyes.

Get more proof. 
So that when provided, he goes..... Oh, crap...poof.
Gone.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Either he's a cheater or you are simply unable to trust him. Or both. You two are not suited for each other.

You can't ever prove he isn't cheating. Start down the NCIS path now and you will likely become consumed by it. 

I'd walk away. If it costs you, that's the price paid for a good lesson in moving too fast. Yes, moving in together after a year and not leaving an escape route is moving too fast. You've now raised the stakes for making a fledgling relationship work and can't focus solely on whether or not he is a good partner for you.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

fritatas said:


> Yes, I suppose you're right. But for my own peace of mind going forward, I'd feel much better if I knew the truth. Yes, he's just a boyfriend. But I am still in love with him. And we just moved in together, so if we split up, I don't even have a viable place to go. If worse comes to worse, I will move out and make do. But it sure will be a costly disruption and I don't want to do it unless I have to. Does that make sense to you? In any case, those are my feelings, and that being the case, could you offer any help regarding my questions above? Thanks!


He's on dating sites, has burner phones, etc.
He is a serial, experienced cheater.
The only sane thing to do here is detach and secretly get your new life started without him. He keeps secrets and cheats. Secretly detach and cut and run when you can.
This guy deserves to be dumped. He's earned it.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

fritatas said:


> I'm fairly sure my boyfriend of one year has been cheating on me. It's just how he acts. Something is off. He's taking special precautions with his cell phone, keeping it very close to his body and making sure to not let me see his password as he enters it. Same thing with his computer. And acting this way is new. It started happening a week ago -- or roughly two weeks after we moved in together. Anyway, he rushed off to work today and mistakenly left his laptop open right to a spreadsheet that contains all his passwords. Ugh. I kept a copy of the spreadsheet and am determined to see if my suspicions are well founded or not, if I can. Here's what I've got. I need some advice.
> 
> 1/ I have his icloud password. I'd assume his ID is his usual email address. My fear is that he's changed the password and not updated the spreadsheet. What happens if I try to sign on to his icloud using a wrong password? Will he be notified? Meanwhile, I'm also worried that if I use my laptop, a Pc, it'll set off alarms too. Maybe someone here can offer me some advice.
> 
> ...


*itune will only let you see what's been purchased not much you can do with this. But you can reset all of his passwords if you want him to have a bad day.*


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OK, but what if you don't find any clear proof. Then you will feel stuck even though you are pretty sure he *is* cheating. 

OTOH if you plan to leave anyway, why bother with all the spying? 



fritatas said:


> Yes, I suppose you're right. But for my own peace of mind going forward, I'd feel much better if I knew the truth. Yes, he's just a boyfriend. But I am still in love with him. And we just moved in together, so if we split up, I don't even have a viable place to go. If worse comes to worse, I will move out and make do. But it sure will be a costly disruption and I don't want to do it unless I have to. Does that make sense to you? In any case, those are my feelings, and that being the case, could you offer any help regarding my questions above? Thanks!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He has them listed as burner phones?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Smells like a set up


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

fritatas said:


> I'm fairly sure my boyfriend of one year has been cheating on me. It's just how he acts. Something is off. He's taking special precautions with his cell phone, keeping it very close to his body and making sure to not let me see his password as he enters it. Same thing with his computer. And acting this way is new. It started happening a week ago -- or roughly two weeks after we moved in together. Anyway, he rushed off to work today and mistakenly left his laptop open right to a spreadsheet that contains all his passwords. Ugh. I kept a copy of the spreadsheet and am determined to see if my suspicions are well founded or not, if I can. Here's what I've got. I need some advice.
> 
> 1/ I have his icloud password. I'd assume his ID is his usual email address. My fear is that he's changed the password and not updated the spreadsheet. What happens if I try to sign on to his icloud using a wrong password? Will he be notified? Meanwhile, I'm also worried that if I use my laptop, a Pc, it'll set off alarms too. Maybe someone here can offer me some advice.
> 
> ...



Before you do anything on your own with trying to get into those accounts ... YES, he will be tipped off either through text or email notification if you try to login to his Verizon, Facebook or Apple Cloud, even without two-step Authentication, he will be alerted.

I agree with what many here are saying and as said as it sounds, prepare for the end now, he's just a BF, there's or there was love and trust maybe at some point but it's gone and Thank God it's 'just' a boyfriend, instead of a spouse with kids, debts and large assets. I know it hurts nonetheless now but start detaching and making your exit plan but I also understand for your peace of mind to get the answers you want. You may not get them but I support you finding what you need to move on. I would be a hypocrite not to!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

fritatas said:


> Yes, I suppose you're right. But for my own peace of mind going forward, I'd feel much better if I knew the truth. Yes, he's just a boyfriend. But I am still in love with him. And we just moved in together, so if we split up, I don't even have a viable place to go. If worse comes to worse, I will move out and make do. But it sure will be a costly disruption and I don't want to do it unless I have to. Does that make sense to you? In any case, those are my feelings, and that being the case, could you offer any help regarding my questions above? Thanks!


I am assuming you have a job. You have an income.

How much rent can you afford?
Can you move in with another girl/lady? One advertising for a rent mate. Usually, these roomie requests are common around campuses.

The guarding of his phone. A big red flag, for sure.

All in all, he sounds like a sex addict. An addictive personality. One easily locked into a pattern.
Him wanting as many women as he can get. 
Him, having [secret] low esteem.

If true, maximum selfish man.

Do more detective work.

Be prepared to move on.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

introvert said:


> OP, you already don't trust him, and you already have all the evidence you need that something is awry. Burner phones? Hiding his passwords and keeping his phone close?
> 
> Get out now. Don't even lower yourself to snooping.


Yeah, this. I've never really understood the need to get (further) proof of things, when it's already pretty plain to see. Burner phones? Dating sites? (FIVE of them?) A spreadsseet for passwords? Yeah - nope.

If you forget your password to a site, they will email it to you and you (usually) have to verify some info.

Even if, say, he's not currently cheating on you, or hasn't since he's been with you - he's kept all the tools to do so in the future. Usually when one finds someone they love (never mind moving in with them) all of those things go out the window and you get a fresh start. If things go sideways, and he's single again down the road, it's not difficult to fire up the old dating sites and get a new burner phone, etc. People who hide away passwords like this have something TO hide, and it's not their banking info.

re: dating sites - I think if you're active on them, it's reasonable to keep them on the backburner for a few months, maybe, once you start dating someone, just in case. They all have options to temporarily deactivate your profile when you're not looking. Assume he did, but all the same. You've been with him a year, and moved in with him. I think it's past the point where his old accounts should be totally deactivated. If necessary in the future, it's not that difficult to start a new profile/account.

Now ask yourself if it's worth fretting about in the long run. To what end? Even if you find nothing, that doubt will always be there.

Overly private, highly organized people creep me out.


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

So after only one (1) year of dating you move into his homes? What is it that You are not doing that would cause him to seek out other women? After only 1 year, it makes no sense to me that he’d want you in his home where he would have no privacy if he wasn’t committed to you. 

What is it that he does for a living? Are you being invited to the Xmas party?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Mommame2 (Oct 8, 2017)

Why not create accounts on all five of the dating sites, using a bogus picture, and try to bait him?

If you're into self torment and time wasting, that's the way to go. 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Volunteer86 (Aug 2, 2017)

From all of that I don't think you need to look any further, I would run the opposite direction as fast as possible and DO NOT get married to this guy.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

David51 said:


> So after only one (1) year of dating you move into his homes? What is it that You are not doing that would cause him to seek out other women? After only 1 year, it makes no sense to me that he’d want you in his home where he would have no privacy if he wasn’t committed to you.
> 
> What is it that he does for a living? Are you being invited to the Xmas party?


No one causes their SO to cheat. There are plenty of people who get into relationships with no intent to remain monogamous. 

If he were not happy with her, he has the option to end the relationship. Any cheating is on him.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

fritatas said:


> Yes, I suppose you're right. But for my own peace of mind going forward, I'd feel much better if I knew the truth. Yes, he's just a boyfriend. But I am still in love with him. And we just moved in together, so if we split up, I don't even have a viable place to go. If worse comes to worse, I will move out and make do. But it sure will be a costly disruption and I don't want to do it unless I have to. Does that make sense to you? In any case, those are my feelings, and that being the case, could you offer any help regarding my questions above? Thanks!


Your feelings totally make sense and are understandable, but your feelings are going to cause problems. Looking into this more won't give you the closure you seek. You already know the answer. Going into detective mode will just make you more obsessed to find an answer which doesn't exist. 

The fact that he is doing all this means this relationship won't last. Guys like him don't change. Your choice is break up now or be in a continual cycle of mistrust/investigate/confront/reconcile/repeat. Save yourself a lot of wasted time and headaches and move on.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Most online accounts will notify of an attempt to log in from a new divice. If you tried to log in from his own laptop but had the wrong password, he probably would not be notified if you only tried once. Too many attempts (about 3 typically) will lock him out of the account and send a message to his phone and/or email of an attempted breach.

Regarding dating websites, I paid for 6 months on one of them. So my account is still alive but I have it set to hidden and I don't access it. It doesn't make me a cheater. The question is whether he is still using the sites.

My take is that you shouldn't be doing teh 007 routine. My suggestion would be to approach him about the need for transparency now tht you are living together. This means exchanging logins to all accounts (other than financial) such as social media and dating sites. See how he reacts. Ask to look at his dating accounts and at his social media. To me this is a reasonable request but on a one time basis. Some people may not agree on this much transparency. I think it answers how serious each person in the relationship sees exclusivity.

Once he agrees to transparency I think you can access his accounts once in a while. The risk is you become obsessed with it, which poisons the relationship.

So I think some reflection on why you're so prickly on this right now. Have previous men cheated on you? Do you feel unsettled or vulnerable because you moved in, which is driving your anxiety that he is cheating?

I'm all for transparency. If you're spying on him now, it is deception on your part, which is harmful to the relationship. I think you're in a risky zone. If you have solid evidence he is a cheater, I would advise you just leave the relationship.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

fritatas said:


> Yes, I suppose you're right. But for my own peace of mind going forward, I'd feel much better if I knew the truth. Yes, he's just a boyfriend. But I am still in love with him. And we just moved in together, so if we split up, I don't even have a viable place to go. If worse comes to worse, I will move out and make do. But it sure will be a costly disruption and I don't want to do it unless I have to. Does that make sense to you? In any case, those are my feelings, and that being the case, could you offer any help regarding my questions above? Thanks!


Peace of mind? Ahahahaha....you will have LESS peace of mind when you find what you're looking for.

One year with this boyfriend and here you are with these issues....that should tell you right there everything you need to know about this relationship. If you insist on hurting yourself, go right ahead and drag this out, but there is no need. 

Quietly make arrangements to move and just walk away. With or without proof, you're at the death point in a ONE-YEAR relationship with someone you are not legally bound to. Why even bother with the rest?


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

I'm sorry but I stopped at "boyfriend of 1 year". No point in going past that. If you even suspect cheating by someone you have such little investment in then dump them and move on.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

chillymorn69 said:


> Act dumb. Start an exit plan. Save some money,rent a place and move out when hes at work.
> 
> Hes not worth any more of your time.
> 
> Good luck.


This ^999999.

Work a plan. This is chess not checkers since you live together.


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