# Lack of 'chemistry'



## Kimberley17 (Oct 10, 2011)

Been married for 6 years now and we never had the greatest sex life even while dating. I knew that going in, but married him for other reasons that seemed more important at the time. Through the years I have lost mt desire for him and no longer am physically attracted to him. I am trying very hard to make it work but everytime we have sex I can't stand how he touches me. It's as if he doesn't do it right or the way I like it. I have discussed it with him and told him what I like but even when he tries it doesn't 'click'. I don't know if this is because I no longer desire him or if we are really just sexually incompatible. Anyone else not like the way their husband touches them? I'm specifically talking foreplay...


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi Kimberley ~

How willing are the both of you to work on the issues and work on the marriage?

If you are willing to give it a go, then perhaps you should consider going to a sex therapist together... this is a counselor who is versed in not just relationship issues, but specializes in sexual issues as well.

And ... you don't give a lot of background on your relationship, but how is your relationship with your H outside of the bedroom? For many women, what happens outside that bedroom door has a tremendous impact on their feelings about what happens inside it.

Best wishes!


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

I could rub my wife like I was Michael J Fox and she would still love it. I'd say there is a lot more going on than just him not touching you right. Him not clicking with what you've asked probably applies to your everyday life as well. Try MC if you want to salvage your relationship. You've tried telling him what you want and he still doesn't get it. That's pretty much all you can do is communicate. 


How is everything else, does he give you attention, best friends, hang out when not working?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

What is it about him you don't like?


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## Little Bird (Jan 16, 2012)

Here's my suggestion: play a sexy game!

Each of you write down 6 'things' you'd like down (e.g. kiss my neck) and take it in turns to roll the dice. So, if he rolls a 6, he does whatever number 6 is on your list. Then you do the same for him.

This gives you complete control of 50% of foreplay haha.
Respond positively to reinforce that you like him touching you in these ways. If he has half a brain, he'll remember and incorporate these moves next time you have sex.

Yeah, it's a long alternative to talking/telling him what sort of touch you like... but it'll be more fun and effective.

Do you still flirt with eachother and go on dates?
If not, then DO IT. Send him flirty texts, run your hand through his hair when you walk past him. Act like your the sexiest thing that has ever walked the earth, and he'll follow suit trying to keep up with you.

CREATE the attraction 
Sometimes to get the spark, you've got to light a few matches first.

If you love everything else about your H and your relationship, then I hope getting your physical relationship on track will help your marriage.

However, I do think you should have a good think by yourself about how you feel about your H, and if you even think your marriage is going anywhere.


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## oubliette (Jun 24, 2012)

I could have written this a year ago! In fact, I just did write it, except for I think I'm a little more unhappy than you.

I'll be thinking about this, and if I reach any insights in my own relationship, I'll share!


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Buy him the book *Married Man's Sex Life* and tell him to read it if he values creating any sexual desire in you.


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## Kimberley17 (Oct 10, 2011)

Maybe the entire issue is I am no longer in love with him. We have a great friendship and have kids but that's it. I am staying in my marriage for my kids sake and I want to make the best of it. We are in MC and it is becoming apparent I don't feel like a wife should towarsds her husband. I wish I could get it back though. I really do...


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

I'll ask again. What don't you like about him? If you don't know the answer, maybe you should think about that.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kimberley17 said:


> Maybe the entire issue is I am no longer in love with him. We have a great friendship and have kids but that's it. I am staying in my marriage for my kids sake and I want to make the best of it. We are in MC and it is becoming apparent I don't feel like a wife should towarsds her husband. I wish I could get it back though. I really do...


There is a way that you can get it back.

Take a look at the links in my signature block below for building a passionate marriage. The books tell you how to do this.

There is no reason to live the way you are, it's fixable. Your marriage needs a tuneup.


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## Kimberley17 (Oct 10, 2011)

EleGirl, you think it's possible for ne to fall back in love with him? We had sex last night and it was so mechanical for me. I avoid kissing him and just want it over with. This can't be normal. This is the result of years of resentment. Just feel as if it may be too late.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Either you have sexual chemistry with someone or you don't.

My husband can act like a total dork and the minute he touches me I want him. We've been married almost 21 years. We have sexual chemistry....always have and always will. If you've never had it you will have no idea what I'm talking about.

I have a friend who was married for 10 years and she felt the same as you about her husband. I told her she simply married someone she wasn't sexually compatible with. She said I was wrong until she met the guy she's with now. She now knows what sexual chemistry is. She can't get enough of him.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Kimberley17 said:


> Maybe the entire issue is I am no longer in love with him. We have a great friendship and have kids but that's it. I am staying in my marriage for my kids sake and I want to make the best of it. We are in MC and it is becoming apparent I don't feel like a wife should towarsds her husband. I wish I could get it back though. I really do...


What you are describing is a marriage that is going nowhere.
You and your husband need to know that the two of you are modeling for your children what they will Grow to consider a "good" union so if you do nothing to either change it or end it, don't be surprised if they eventually fail in their relationships as well.
My ex's daughter already is gaining a reputation in the town where they reside very similar to that of her mother's. Haven't heard from her son since he found out that I'm not his biological father and like his sister, their mother has no idea who their fathers may be.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

Is there a friend in the picture on the side you used to have a crush on or confide in? Someone of the opposite sex that knows all about your bad marriage?


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