# Cyber Cheating



## confused and hurt (Mar 27, 2013)

Recently found out husband has been texting another woman. I thought something was out of place last fall. He has sent texts at least 2-3 times a month for the past 3 months that I am aware(that is how far back I can get the records). He swears he's never touched her and I believe him (for many different reasons). But I still feel like he cheated. He says because nothing sexual happened it's not cheating, I say because we both know the woman and did it behind my back it is. He deleted the texts. Anyway now I'm obsessed, I want to see all those texts. I can't stop thinking about it. It's driving me crazy. Cheating yes or no??


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

That sounds like a small number of texts. What did they contain? Are you certain it was cheating and not borderline bad behavior? Are you certain that there were no more texts? Check your phone records. Then, without a discrepancy, you can have a talk with him about boundaries. He shouldn't be chatting up other women, but before you call it cheating, get some more info.


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## themagicalbeing2013 (Mar 19, 2013)

Did you mean 2-3 text each day? if it is monthly that is so low. Did you read the text? How bad were they? Did he go with her for coffee or lunch or something. Maybe you are just taking this too far.


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## betrayed2013 (Feb 5, 2013)

my guess is that it is borderline bad behaviour. I know I was texting a girl at work and it was nothing inappropriate and i was still deleting them becuz i didnt want to cause a fuss. My wife on the other hand was texting a guy she contacted on ****** ******* so there are diff. levels of cyber cheating. Hers was a nail in the coffin for our marriage. Idk if u want to see them or not. If u put a stop to it then move on with ur life. Ur not going to trust him at all for a while and everytime u see him text ur gonna wonder who is he talking to?


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## confused and hurt (Mar 27, 2013)

At first he did not know how to delete her name just the contents of message. This was about oct. when I came across those texts. Told him to stop and that I didn;t like it because he was deleting them. The OW visited out of the blue and this got my gut going and then I checked the phone records and then I found out he was deleting everything and the messages have been picking up the pace after he figured it out how to totally delete. Why hide if nothing??


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## themagicalbeing2013 (Mar 19, 2013)

confused and hurt said:


> At first he did not know how to delete her name just the contents of message. This was about oct. when I came across those texts. Told him to stop and that I didn;t like it because he was deleting them. The OW visited out of the blue and this got my gut going and then I checked the phone records and then I found out he was deleting everything and the messages have been picking up the pace after he figured it out how to totally delete. Why hide if nothing??


Ok.. so there are more than just 2-3 text each month.. That can been an issue. I hope you find a way to talk to him and get him to let you know what is going and see if you can fix it or not.


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## confused and hurt (Mar 27, 2013)

Thank you Magical. He tells me he's sorry and he f**ked up but he also feels because there has been no sex involved not cheating??


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## themagicalbeing2013 (Mar 19, 2013)

confused and hurt said:


> Thank you Magical. He tells me he's sorry and he f**ked up but he also feels because there has been no sex involved not cheating??


Men usually think on cheating just when we have sex with someone or at least some touching, kissing, etc.. It is difficult for some men to think than flirting can be cheating..


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## confused and hurt (Mar 27, 2013)

to me the secrecy is a form of cheating. When you are hiding you are cheating in a sense. This is why he is still here, if it was both he'd be gone. I also am freaking because it's a big deal and to him, not so much. Which means he's not that sorry. Almost acts like it's nothing but does avoid me a bit (guilty)


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Look into the book "Not Just Friends". Both of you should read it.

C


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

So according to his definition he can exchange photos and videos of naked body parts and acts, can talk about sex acts with her, share secrets etc but as long as he doesn't touch it's not cheating?

It is cheating. 

How would he react or treat you if you spend the next six months sending photos and talking about fantasies with one of his coworkers or friends?

Damm straight, he would blow his stack, kick you to the curb, and call you a cheater.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If you do a thing like texting to another person directly with the intent to sexually arouse them, sex is involved, or if they do it to arouse you.

Basically when two live people do an action with the intent to either arouse the other person, or their self , sex was involved.

It wasn't physical sex, but it was sexual. And that is crossing the boundary of faithfulness.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Having secret or private conversations with a member of the opposite sex, that you wouldn't have if your partner/spouse were present, is emotional infidelity. Your H deleted texts so that you couldn't read them. Did he tell you why?


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## Broken..ForNow (Mar 20, 2013)

I would invest in a key logger for his cell...See if and what is being said from this point forward. Who is this woman?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

There is more to his story than he is telling you. Find out the truth so you can figure out how to proceed.


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

confused and hurt said:


> to me the secrecy is a form of cheating. When you are hiding you are cheating in a sense. This is why he is still here, if it was both he'd be gone. I also am freaking because it's a big deal and to him, not so much. Which means he's not that sorry. Almost acts like it's nothing but does avoid me a bit (guilty)


I hope you caught this early enough. But no mistake, the secrecy and it being someone of the opposite sex - yes that is cheating at least emotionally and possibly more. Until you do major investigating, you can't really know since cheaters lie and hide. 

Did he see you cry? Did he see you hurt? If he isn't remorseful at all, he _may_ have more that he is hiding. Either way, he does not have an understanding of proper boundaries and has a lot of learning to do on that. He also MUST be transparent from now on. Be clear about that. If you see him delete one more text, then you have to assume the worst. Tell him that. Make sure he understands and then follow through with consequences. I second the book recommendation and that you read it together. 

Start snooping but don't reveal your methods. Keep us updated. I hope there isn't more to this story. Oh, and above all TRUST YOUR GUT! (And also don't let this blow over as nothing - or history will repeat itself.)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

themagicalbeing2013 said:


> Men usually think on cheating just when we have sex with someone or at least some touching, kissing, etc.. It is difficult for some men to think than flirting can be cheating..


Unless it's their wife in an emotional affiar (EA). Then of course this same guy understands very well what an EA is an how hurtful it can be.


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