# Stuck between a rock and a hard place



## mdcr1980 (Dec 9, 2008)

Hi. I've been married for 3 years and have been in an on and off relationship with my husband for 6 years. I have a son from a previous relationship and we have a daughter together. I'm also 4 months pregnant with our son. 

A year before we were married my husband (then-boyfriend) cheated on me with several different women over the course of about 6 months. I had no clue. We were having problems, but didn't live together so I didn't know about these other women. Later on one of his friends finally told me about all this...Note: my boyfriend never came clean and even tried denying some of it. Over the next 6 months we were broken up and I tried to date some other men, but nothing relationship wise came of them. 

So, eventually I took him back. I thought that I could get over it, and he seemed sincerely changed. He had joined the military and went to basic training for the 6 months were were broken up. 

Now we are married and I'm utterly miserable. He is horrible with finances and we are tens of thousands of dollars in debt. He says he's a failure and a horrible husband and doesn't even look for a better job. We are so incredibly poor right now and he treats me as if I'm lazy because I stay at home with our 16 month old daughter. I want to work but because the price of childcare....I can't make enough money to come out ahead after paying for it. AND we have another one on the way. I have a lot of dreams and hopes for my life, but he crashes them with his insecurities and seems to want me to stay helpless all the while blaming me for being this way. I have a BA in Art Studio with a minor in psychology, and obtained it all the while being a single parent. I AM NOT lazy! 

I just don't know what to do. He goes out with his friends until 4:30 in the morning and I can't get him to do anything around the house without a fight. 

He treats my oldest child like crap and yells at him all the time. 

Its safe to say that my husbands abusive childhood has come back to haunt ME. 

He doesn't beat me so I can't go to a battered women's shelter, but what can I do? 

I have no money of my own and my art degree doesn't help me get any job that pay more than minimum wage. 

Any advice would be helpful. ANY

thanks,
mdcr1980


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## KarenPohlman (Dec 9, 2008)

It sounds like you are having a hard time. I understand the pain you are feeling and what i am going to say is going to be blunt...you have choices and you need to make them.....this is not just about him, you have ownership in the relationship status also. Read the book Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud, it will be great for you!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Sorry but I would never let someone including a spouce treat my child like crap. You are his only protection. Your child should come first.

It sounds like you need serious marriage counciling to save this. Maybe your husband could use individual counciling as well. If you go to a church see if they provide it for free or reduced prices. Your husband needs to grow up & break the cycle.

draconis


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