# Not sure what to do at this point



## 2bigs2littles (Jan 27, 2014)

Hello to all. I am a new user. I need some help and advice.
I am a mother of 4 and a wife of 6 years been together for 10 years. We met in High school, I got pregnant at 17 and we have been doing the family thing since that point. Over the years things have been up and down, I didn't work or drive my life depended on my husband. I have since been driving for 3 years and working for a year, and I am starting to fall into the downs again.
I do everything, I work 7 days a week ( please note it is because I wanted to help more in the household) and I do all the shopping, the cleaning, the cooking, the bill paying, plus the care of our children we have. I have always felt like I am his carer not his wife/ soul mate. I am starting to think that this just isn't for us. But he is blissfully happy. He doesn't think anything is wrong...
I still love him very much, and we have a good bedroom life, but I can't live being his mother... I don't even know where to start. We have talked about it alot but nothing changes and I need change. What do I do? Where do I start? Ask for a separation so we can reset? I just don't know anymore....


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

Have you talked with your husband about your problems? Have you told him what your needs are? Separation before you talk to him would be exceptionally ill-advised.

But yes, mothering him would get old real fast. What was his home life like? Did his mother take care of everything for him, too?

Good luck to you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Separation at this point would not be a good idea.

Why are you doing everything? If you told him to get the laundry done what would happen? If you told him you needed him to make dinner 3 nights a week what would happen?


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Before you started working, were you the one who did all these things because your husband worked and you were at home? I agree that even in those instances that shouldn't entirely exclude the husband from any duties at home, but it makes sense that the wife at home would do the majority of chores during the work week if she does not work outside of the home. When you started working fulltime, was there a discussion of now since you work outside of the home you would need to equally divide the chores? Even though it may seem obvious, that maybe didn't click with him, and you continued to do as you had always done, further perpetuating this arrangement.

Unless there are other problems in your marriage, or you have confronted him several times before and he refuses to oblige, I'm not sure why you would want to separate at this time. I would sit him down and have a discussion of how since you have been working full time for a few years now that you just cannot shoulder all the responsibilities at home anymore. Come up with a plan together of how to divide and conquer.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Can you make a chore chart for him and you? And for the kids if they are old enough to help with simple tasks. That would be a start. Maybe he needs a more concrete plan to get him to do more of his share.


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