# Wife of only 15 months asked me to leave



## mgobluefan

All, I've read through some threads that apply to me and some that don't apply to me but here is the situation:

My wife was acting weird about 3 months ago. She came home late one night after hanging out after a social softball game. I stumbled across an open facebook message from another guy that she had been hanging out with that night. I just put that one in the memory bank. I started seeing her texting this other guy throughout the week, although I didn't see what the texts were. I confronted her about this while on vacation and she told me he was a friend she just met and he flirted with her and told her she was beautiful, etc. We talked it out and I thought I had squashed it. 

She never started acting normal again and she started going out with her friends more often than before, sometimes staying out much later than normal. This increased my attention and one night she came home around 4:30am. I asked where she was, which I verified with a mutual friend. I asked her why she didn't text me back all night and she said, verbatim "I was too bust and having too much fun, I'm sorry." The next day I find her text log and she exchanged 20 messages with this other guy in the very time frame she was "too busy and having too much fun" for me. I confronted her and she deleted his number and unfriended him on facebook. 

Over the next 10 days or so, I monitored her facebook and looked at her search history. She searched for this guy every day over those 10 days. I assume to look at his pictures. I confronted her about and she stopped, up until 5 days ago (so about 7 weeks passed).

We had a big blow up and she said she was in love with me anymore and we decided to go to counseling. She goes to an IC and we see a counselor together. This has been going on for about 5 weeks and things have not gotten even close to better.

4 days ago, she asked me to stay with my parents for a little while, which I realize now was a mistake, but I did it. I don't know what she has done since I have left but she has again started searching for this guy on facebook.

I highly doubt it is at the PA level but this is most certainly an EA level and could escalate correct? 

Any suggestions from you guys?


----------



## DeusEx

Bah, just 15 months and already she is hooking up with other guys? Also disrespecting and lying to you all the time and sending YOU away from YOUR house so she could have fun with her ''Friends''? Don't know about you, but for me it would be a no brainer. At this point I wouldn't even search for evidence. I would just say: ''Look wifey, you either star acting like a wife should be acting and respect me my needs and feelings or you are free to enjoy everything a singles life can offer''.

But thats just me...


----------



## Mavash.

She's not wife material and needs to stay single until that changes.


----------



## verpin zal

Dim number_of_kids as Integer

If (number_of_kids = 0)
DoCmd *run*;
EndIf


----------



## Will_Kane

You've made a great case for leaving her. Less than a year into the marriage and she already is finding someone else. Has lied about it and won't quit. She's obsessed with this guy and you already have been told she doesn't love you.

What is the reason you want someone who doesn't love you?

What is your case for staying with her?

By the way, I know a few men and women whose marriages or relationships ended through "co-ed softball" or "co-ed" volleyball. They play in local leagues, and the teams usually are sponsored by bars, where they go to hang out after games, and the guys and girls are young and attractive, some married but most not, add in the alcohol, and you have a recipe for infidelity.

Three months is a long time, they've expressed interest in each other and have met up a lot, drank together (I'm assuming), she drunk-messages him from the bar, probably telling him to come down and hook up, so they've probably been physical with each other. Unless you see a message saying "can't wait for the first time," I would assume the first time has come and gone.

No matter how you look at it, if she hasn't cheated, she sure wants to. All the no contact stuff was a joke. When they ask for space, they mean space to explore the affair and to see if they want to choose other man or you. They have options. They want the best for themselves. Flashy and new usually beats out old and reliable.

Given your particular circumstance, why bother? Maybe you just hitched your horse to the wrong wagon? This soon into the marriage with no kids, just get out and count your blessings you won't have to deal with her over children the rest of your life.


----------



## Will_Kane

DeusEx said:


> Bah, just 15 months and already she is hooking up with other guys? Also disrespecting and lying to you all the time and sending YOU away from YOUR house so she could have fun with her ''Friends''? Don't know about you, but for me it would be a no brainer. *At this point I wouldn't even search for evidence. I would just say: ''Look wifey, you either star acting like a wife should be acting and respect me my needs and feelings or you are free to enjoy everything a singles life can offer''.*
> 
> But thats just me...


IF IF IF you decide to give her a chance, this is the approach I would suggest as well.

Also, just because she searches for him everyday on the internet does not mean she doesn't talk to him or even f him. She's just curious of what he's up to when she's NOT talking to him or f'ing him.


----------



## Racer

3 months this has been going on? And she is still obsessed? If she hasn't already slept with him, I would be surprised. 

Run. Not worth it that early in a marriage since it started only after 12 months. She doesn't want what comes with marriage, just the image of it. Run now while things can easily be split like a bad breakup.


----------



## Entropy3000

mgobluefan said:


> All, I've read through some threads that apply to me and some that don't apply to me but here is the situation:
> 
> My wife was acting weird about 3 months ago. She came home late one night after hanging out after a social softball game. I stumbled across an open facebook message from another guy that she had been hanging out with that night. I just put that one in the memory bank. I started seeing her texting this other guy throughout the week, although I didn't see what the texts were. I confronted her about this while on vacation and she told me he was a friend she just met and he flirted with her and told her she was beautiful, etc. We talked it out and I thought I had squashed it.
> 
> She never started acting normal again and she started going out with her friends more often than before, sometimes staying out much later than normal. This increased my attention and one night she came home around 4:30am. I asked where she was, which I verified with a mutual friend. I asked her why she didn't text me back all night and she said, verbatim "I was too bust and having too much fun, I'm sorry." The next day I find her text log and she exchanged 20 messages with this other guy in the very time frame she was "too busy and having too much fun" for me. I confronted her and she deleted his number and unfriended him on facebook.
> 
> Over the next 10 days or so, I monitored her facebook and looked at her search history. She searched for this guy every day over those 10 days. I assume to look at his pictures. I confronted her about and she stopped, up until 5 days ago (so about 7 weeks passed).
> 
> We had a big blow up and she said she was in love with me anymore and we decided to go to counseling. She goes to an IC and we see a counselor together. This has been going on for about 5 weeks and things have not gotten even close to better.
> 
> 4 days ago, she asked me to stay with my parents for a little while, which I realize now was a mistake, but I did it. I don't know what she has done since I have left but she has again started searching for this guy on facebook.
> 
> I highly doubt it is at the PA level but this is most certainly an EA level and could escalate correct?
> 
> Any suggestions from you guys?


I highly doubt that this did not go physical. 

You had evidence of her cheating already. One should never allow space for an affair to grow. So no you should not have left. But indeed the whole 4:30 am was swept under the rug. If it was not physical before that it went physical then.

Anyway, just that 4:30 am would have been a dealbreaker for me, especially because of the attitude. You really needed to engage this much tougher from the outset but for sure with the 4:30 am.

If there are no kids I suggest you move on.


----------



## harrybrown

Get out now.

File for divorce. She deserves the POSOM. If he will cheat with her, he will cheat on her.

Get her out of your life.


----------



## Dyokemm

OP,

Go home immediately.

If she objects, tell her she can leave if she wants to go play with her POS affair partner, but that it isn't happening any more in your marital home (I'm assuming here that she probably had him over after your foolishly left).

Then go dark on her and file for D. Expose her actions and A to both of your families.

Refuse to discuss anything but D proceedings with her at all.

Only consider changing course if she starts to show true remorse (no blameshifting, accepting complete responsibility), offers total transparency, confesses every way she has betrayed your vows, and agrees to immediate IC to figure out how and why she could do this.

If she falls short on any of this, proceed with the D and rid yourself of this selfish woman.


----------



## mgobluefan

Wow, that was pretty quick everyone. And you all pretty much said what I thought would be said. I guess I'm simply in denial right now and as stupid as it sounds, I still believe she isn't in a PA. I have a few things up my sleeve to catch her though. 

We have counseling this week and it will be addressed there, definitely. I am going to look at lawyers tonight and bring that to counseling. I'm preparing to move right back into the house and give her the door.

I do have access to OM phone number. I'm unsure of if I should approach that road.


----------



## TheFlood117

Alright, listen up. 

She. Is. Not. Marriage. Material. 

You have zero kids with her. Check.

You have been married only 15 months. Check. 

She is cheating. Check- BTW, I think it's a Physical Affair. 

These co-ed softball things, are really, really good play grounds for Pick up artists and players. I know, I am one. 

Listen to me- Divorce her. No contact. Let her go. Move on. 

At the very least. AT THE VERY LEAST. You should serve her with Divorce papers. Just to at least show her you are serious about vacating her from your life. 

Don't be soft. Be decisive and confident when dealing with WW or any cheating woman for that matter. 

They only respect direct action and force. 

Always. Always. Negotiate from a position of power. 

Divorce. It doesn't really get much more simple than that. 

Good luck.


----------



## MattMatt

*And -please- get tested for STDs now.*


----------



## TheFlood117

MattMatt said:


> *And -please- get tested for STDs now.*




Oh yeah, this too. 

Infidelity. The "gift" that keeps giving. Uggghh.


----------



## ThePheonix

Take it from a guys who was doing married women when you were little more than a gleam in your daddy's eye. A guy who keeps hanging around after several months is getting in your old lady's pants. Either one of the two things you mentioned, (don't love you anymore and move out for a while) means youre history my man. When a woman calmly tell you she doesn't love you anymore she means it. When a women tell you she wants to separate "for awhile" it means for 250 years.


----------



## TheFlood117

ThePheonix said:


> Take it from a guys who was doing married women when you were little more than a gleam in your daddy's eye. A guy who keeps hanging around after several months is getting in your old lady's pants. Either one of the two things you mentioned, (don't love you anymore and move out for a while) means youre history my man. When a woman calmly tell you she doesn't love you anymore she means it. When a women tell you she wants to separate "for awhile" it means for 250 years.



Oh yeah, this too. 

250 years, lol. That was good. :rofl::rofl:

OP, I hope this is sinking in. I'm not trying to make fun of this situation but bro, She's gone. LONG Gone. 

Sorry. 

Just be so glad that it's not 5, 10, 20 years down the road with kids and a house and mortgage and debt. 

Look at it like this, rather sooner than later.


----------



## MattMatt

TheFlood117 said:


> Oh yeah, this too.
> 
> 250 years, lol. That was good. :rofl::rofl:
> 
> OP, I hope this is sinking in. I'm not trying to make fun of this situation but bro, She's gone. LONG Gone.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Just be so glad that it's not 5, 10, 20 years down the road with kids and a house and mortgage and debt.
> 
> Look at it like this, rather sooner than later.


TF, I somehow doubt she was ever there in the first place.


----------



## Shaggy

Your married to her, but she's out living the life of a single person without you.

That's a recipe for failure especially in an new marriage.

It's ok to be going out, but together. Neither of you should be out drinking and partying without the other.

Going out to clubs and bars is what you do to meet people to date.

Get yourself back home, and if the two of you want save the marriage stop going out with out your spouse!

At this point I'm betting they've made out if not full on sex.


----------



## Racer

And whether or not you can fully believe she's gotten physical with him is irrelevant. You know she is fantasizing about it and taking actions based on that fantasy (the flirting, the obsession, etc.). I'd bet it mimics some of what you experienced when she was in that 'dating mode' with you.

So, ask yourself how hard it was to get in her pants when she was like that with you? Remove the idea that she'll be faithful 'just because'. She's got to be into you... Clearly she isn't.

Unless you want to live with someone who's fantasy isn't exclusively you (or so far fetched it's clearly a fantasy like Brad Pitt)... Bail on that ride and find someone who will continue to see you as a prize. Learn and adjust your "picker" for whom to marry.


----------



## mgobluefan

TheFlood117 said:


> Oh yeah, this too.
> 
> Infidelity. The "gift" that keeps giving. Uggghh.


I've been tested since the last time we had sex.  That was a pretty big fear of mine. 

Again, I can't say I'm overwhelmed by the responses since that is just confirming what I thought everyone would chime in with. I think you are all right. But do I get in touch with OM tonight?


----------



## nogutsnoglory

Time to man up. Serve her divorce papers. Move on and find a lady to be with. You found a whor%. Why bother? AND don't say because you love her. Obviously you were wrong to do so..
Next time you want to save a bitc% from herself. Go to the ASPCA and adopt one.


----------



## mgobluefan

TheFlood117 said:


> Oh yeah, this too.
> 
> 250 years, lol. That was good. :rofl::rofl:
> 
> OP, I hope this is sinking in. I'm not trying to make fun of this situation but bro, She's gone. LONG Gone.
> 
> Sorry.
> 
> Just be so glad that it's not 5, 10, 20 years down the road with kids and a house and mortgage and debt.
> 
> Look at it like this, rather sooner than later.


No kids, but mortgage, cars and plenty of debt to go around.


----------



## MattMatt

mgobluefan said:


> I've been tested since the last time we had sex. That was a pretty big fear of mine.
> 
> Again, I can't say I'm overwhelmed by the responses since that is just confirming what I thought everyone would chime in with. I think you are all right. But do I get in touch with OM tonight?


Do not confront OM. Look, you know if you see a piece of dog dirt on the sidewalk it is going to smell, so you don't pick it up to check, right?

Out him, yes, but use CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know. There's even an app there to help promote the link to friends, family, etc.


----------



## MattMatt

mgobluefan said:


> No kids, but mortgage, cars and plenty of debt to go around.


Would an annulment be a possibility?:scratchhead:


----------



## mgobluefan

MattMatt said:


> Would an annulment be a possibility?:scratchhead:


I'm not sure the statutes on that. I guess I was off on 15 month thing, I had rage brain. We are at 13 months.


----------



## Will_Kane

mgobluefan said:


> I have a few things up my sleeve to catch her though.
> 
> We have counseling this week and it will be addressed there, definitely.
> 
> I do have access to OM phone number. I'm unsure of if I should approach that road.


If you want to catch her, you probably are best off not bringing up any suspicions in counseling, acting like you believe she really has ended contact, and NOT contacting other man, so as to give her a false sense of security so she will let her guard down and make it easier for you to catch her.

That is if you think it's even worth it. If the cheating won't affect your divorce settlement, you haven't mentioned kids, it doesn't affect much but your own curiosity. If you want to find out the truth, you are better off laying low and not contacting other man, who likely would just lie to you anyway.

Then again, you never know what he would say. He could shed some light. No matter what he says, unless he offers you hard evidence, your wife could say he's just saying it to toy with you.

At this point, my opinion would be use what you have "up your sleeve" and put off contacting other man. Lay low until you have your evidence.


----------



## LongWalk

In the Stone Age you would gotten your brothers and buddies to ambush him with hickory sticks. But today that is illegal. You cannot go to the softball games and pound him with an aluminum bat.

Do you own your home? If you do, just move in. Don't say two words to her. Hand her D papers ASAP. If by some chance she changes her mind, you can consider R. But the chances of success look very dim.

You are very lucky to have been her first ex. Each additional husband is going to feel like a bigger sucker than the guy before him.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## TheFlood117

mgobluefan said:


> No kids, but mortgage, cars and plenty of debt to go around.


Really? In 15 months you've acclimated a lot of marital debt? 

Does she just spend, spend, spend. 

That's a big hint to her character too.

I still say divorce. Even with a kid or kids. Divorce. 

I did. And I'm way, way, way more happy now than I was when I was in limbo and living with her. 

But, to each their own. 

About the OM. You can call him and tell him to stay away from your wife. 

I mean, back in the day you could just merk his ass...... Kidding. 

However, you cannot control adults. He'll probably just take it underground. And you appear needy. 

I'd say, if you really want to. Just walk up to him and punch him in the face... Again, I'm only half serious 

You need to divorce her. And I am very serious with that. 

Move on. 

She has. 

You are history with her. 

Wouldn't life be easier without all the drama? 

Do you wanne be a warden for your wife the rest of you future? 

Do you wanna be the guy with the cheating wife? 

Do you want to be second best? Knowing that she feels she's settled with you. 

Do you want to have kids with this woman? 

What are the reasons to stay? Really. Other than you appear to be way to needy and co-dependent with her. And again, I'm on your side here. I want whats best for you. 

But you have to want it too. 

And if your sure it hasn't gone PA, why don't you up your game and sex rank and go out and get other female attention. You know, flirt a little with other women. Have other women cell phone numbers in your phone. Show your wife, you are attractive and confident. And other women want you. Go out and party and clubs yourself- you have no kids, therefore you can "have play time" too. That's what a confident man would do here. Just show her who is in command of the relationship. 

Or....



Let her go.


----------



## Shaggy

Do not call the OM. It will backfire on you. He'll laugh at you and do what he wants anyway.

Get yourself home.

Put voice activated recorders in her car.

Post the OM up on cheaterville.com


----------



## Racer

The hardest part; Trusting your gut. You'll find it's normally right. You just have to stop talking yourself out of whatever it is that it believes is how this should be handled.


----------



## Entropy3000

mgobluefan said:


> Wow, that was pretty quick everyone. And you all pretty much said what I thought would be said. I guess I'm simply in denial right now and as stupid as it sounds, I still believe she isn't in a PA. I have a few things up my sleeve to catch her though.
> 
> We have counseling this week and it will be addressed there, definitely. I am going to look at lawyers tonight and bring that to counseling. I'm preparing to move right back into the house and give her the door.
> 
> I do have access to OM phone number. I'm unsure of if I should approach that road.


Here is the deal. Marriages are destroyed way way way before a PA is consumated.

Inapparopriate Behavior --> Unfaithfulness --> Cheating.

Now personally I think cheating occurs before PIV sex. But anyway, why is that the dealbreaker? Why is everything else ok but PIV is the boundary? Her behavior period sounds very inappropriate to me. We can only assume that you guys do not have any formal boundaries then. She has been acting unfaithful. 

Also what uo with the csocial softball? Typically this is something a couple might do together. Otherwise it is a place to meet people when single. I ahve no doubt you will come up with some plausibel excuse for her to be doing this. Are these work buddies? I have played insoftball leagues as a married guy but they were not coed. Coed leagues that do the bar afterwards are just a hookup waiting to happen. You are living this now.

But if you have not been married long it appears that she is missing the single scene. She asked you to leave for crying out loud. That would be a delabreaker for me even if another guy was not banging my wife.


----------



## Entropy3000

mgobluefan said:


> I've been tested since the last time we had sex. That was a pretty big fear of mine.
> 
> Again, I can't say I'm overwhelmed by the responses since that is just confirming what I thought everyone would chime in with. I think you are all right. But do I get in touch with OM tonight?


What for? Do not ask a man not to bang your wife.

You know if I had an investment in a wife where there were kids involved and 20 years of comittment and so on, I just might have my way with this guy ... but you have no real investment in this woman. Yeah, yeah, you havesome debt. Well make her pay her share. But the worst thing you could do to the OM is let him have her.


----------



## EleGirl

How old are the two of you?

It sounds like you have no desire to even try to reconcile. So if that's the case, why are you thinking of moving back into the house?

Do you want to keep it after you divorce? Is there much equity in it? Will you be able to buy out her half of the equity?

Just some things to think about.


----------



## lifeistooshort

I throw my hat in the corner of she's not ready to be married and you don't have that much invested so get out now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## TheFlood117

Yeah, OP you need to show some confidence here and move back in and serve her with D papers, then go out and get some. Also, you need to grasp this idea. Women come and go. But your pride and your self worth and confidence is going to be with you till the day you die. You don't want to look back and go- "man I really, had no balls and I just let her run all over me, I wish....." type of thing. 

Time to cowboy up. Move back in. Serve her divorce papers. Disconnect. 180. Go out and get laid. Get power and confidence back. 

Then..... Watch the show.


----------



## mgobluefan

Alright, so what I'm seeing is that I should do a combination of the following things:

1. Move back in
2. Serve Papers
3. Don't even worry about OM
4. Cut my losses and look elsewhere...fast.

It's really hard to believe that this could be happening but I hope many of you are speaking from similar experiences. Now on to the most pressing matter...the dog. I'm taking him, no questions asked. She bought him for me for my birthday a few years back.


----------



## bandit.45

mgobluefan said:


> Alright, so what I'm seeing is that I should do a combination of the following things:
> 
> 1. Move back in
> 2. Serve Papers
> 3. Don't even worry about OM
> 4. Cut my losses and look elsewhere...fast.
> 
> It's really hard to believe that this could be happening but I hope many of you are speaking from similar experiences. Now on to the most pressing matter...the dog. I'm taking him, no questions asked. She bought him for me for my birthday a few years back.


You have not been married to her long enough to really need to fight for this sham of a marriage. Your wife sounds like a total flake: one of those brainless chicks who get married for the sake of getting married and not for love or dedication. She is bound to keep repeating this cycle for the rest of her life. She's a "love addict". Once the newness and froth of the relationship wears out, she moves on to a new guy to get her dopamine fix.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## 6301

First mistake was letting the 4:30 AM thing slide. Should have put a chair under the door knob and locked her out.

Second mistake. Leaving. Should have stayed in the house and told her to pack up and go live in the dugout at the softball field if she didn't have any other place to go.

Third. Screw the dog. Give it back to her so you don't have anything to remember her by. Also. Go to the bank, divide the money and open your own account and make sure that she is off your credit cards. One other thing. Make sure that you look at all the bills and if she has more than you, let her take them with you

She's the one causing the mess. Don't make it easy on her. She wants to dance to the music, then she has to pay the piper.


----------



## mgobluefan

6301 said:


> First mistake was letting the 4:30 AM thing slide. Should have put a chair under the door knob and locked her out.
> 
> Second mistake. Leaving. Should have stayed in the house and told her to pack up and go live in the dugout at the softball field if she didn't have any other place to go.
> 
> Third. Screw the dog. Give it back to her so you don't have anything to remember her by. Also. Go to the bank, divide the money and open your own account and make sure that she is off your credit cards. One other thing. Make sure that you look at all the bills and if she has more than you, let her take them with you
> 
> She's the one causing the mess. Don't make it easy on her. She wants to dance to the music, then she has to pay the piper.


Agreed with everything except for the dog. He is mine and will be with me regardless. He's as close to a kid as it will get for me so she can't have him.


----------



## lifeistooshort

mgobluefan said:


> Agreed with everything except for the dog. He is mine and will be with me regardless. He's as close to a kid as it will get for me so she can't have him.



Yeah, why should the poor dog pay up because she's a @#$&@? The dog is more loyal anyway, I bet he wouldn't leave with me just because I told him he's a good dog  
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

She won't want the dog. Don't raise the issue with her at all. If and when you split, the dog will just follow you because you give off an alpha vibe. Don't say a word to it. If the dog doesn't follow you, leave it with her until she begs you to come and take it. You not being sentimental about the dog will be a real blow to her notion of you being a beta male.

If the dog ends up with her, it will be a **** blocker. Every guy she dates will sooner or later here that she kept her ex husband's dog.

She will try to dump it for sure. Are you the one has been paying for the dog license? Maybe the humane society has file on the dog tag license numbers so that they will contact you if shows up there.

Get to the gym hard. Lift weights. Maybe take up Thai kickboxing or something else to toughen you up.

Don't bother unfriending her from Facebook. Live a good life. Go sky diving, scuba diving, whatever you've wanted to do. Put the photos up on FB, which is where everyone does the human equivalent of canine nose to rear end.

Ann Arbor has plenty of nice restaurants. Go to a Wolverine game with friends soon and post pics on FB. You can get some cute chicks at the stadium in some photos. You don't have to know them. Doesn't matter. Will drive your cheating wife crazy to think that you're moving on so quickly.


----------



## walkonmars

Don't EVER contact the OM. As has been said, the only reason to contact him would be to actually make "CONTACT" with him - which is illegal. 

But it might be wise to check into who he is. Is he married? Have a gf? If it were me I'd find out and shake his world up a lil. 

I don't see a long future with this woman unless there are major changes - and those changes would not appear overnight. Are you willing to walk barefoot on broken glass every day for months if not years? it would be easier to do than to have her change her devious ways. 

Time for hardball.


----------



## the guy

As far as the OM is concerned...your old lady is chasing him so its your problem.

It one thing if your old lady was upfront and this guy was the pursuer...but that is not the case.

No matter what have the confidence to just let her go...this confidenc will get her to start thinking twice in whats she is about to lose.

Chicks dig confident guys. No matter how weak you feel you must muster up enough self esteem to smile wish her the best and show her thru this confident additude that she is history and you can and will find a better women.

I know it sucks bro but chick like this can smell weakness so never ever beg or cry for your marriage...there are way to many good girls out there that would love you and your dog!

Remember my man...its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts!

Again...its all about additude...smile wish her the best... knowing she is making one of the biggest mistake in her life.

Don't forget to expose this affair before your old lady has a chance to do her own damage control.


----------



## mgobluefan

the guy said:


> As far as the OM is concerned...your old lady is chasing him so its your problem.
> 
> It one thing if your old lady was upfront and this guy was the pursuer...but that is not the case.
> 
> No matter what have the confidence to just let her go...this confidenc will get her to start thinking twice in whats she is about to lose.
> 
> Chicks dig confident guys. No matter how weak you feel you must muster up enough self esteem to smile wish her the best and show her thru this confident additude that she is history and you can and will find a better women.
> 
> I know it sucks bro but chick like this can smell weakness so never ever beg or cry for your marriage...there are way to many good girls out there that would love you and your dog!
> 
> Remember my man...its not what knocks us down that matters, its how we get back up that counts!
> 
> Again...its all about additude...smile wish her the best... knowing she is making one of the biggest mistake in her life.
> 
> Don't forget to expose this affair before your old lady has a chance to do her own damage control.



I'm thinking you hit the nail on the head my friend. The more I stew, the more I realize that this is ridiculous to deal with after 13 months. Someone like that needs to kick rocks. Things seem to have their way of coming back to bite them in the rear end.


----------



## the guy

One more thing. you were looking for a chick when you found her so let her know you will no longer try to protect this marriage and she can go be with OM!

Hell it won't be long before she comes crawling back telling you he was to controlling or found some other chick...


----------



## the guy

If your going to confront any one with regards to the OM it should be his girl friend or wife and if he doesn;t have one find his parrents and contact them.

On more thing who is the person your wife respects the most out of life?

Contact these poeple and ask them for "support" for the marriage due to the infidelty on your wifes part.
Asking for support is a better way to snitch your old lady out with out looking like a jealous husband.

Using the word support and exposing the affair is a lot more effective then confronting the OM...let other but the pressure on OM...in fact let others put pressure on your wife...

Cuz from now on she is no longer your problem while she continues to betray the marriage.

See the gmae plan here?

Who tell ohter you want the marriage you tell you old lady to go bound sand ...you will no longer share here.

Once she pulls he head out of her butt and can commit to NC and the NC can be virified by you ...what else is there to talk about with her!!!!!

Until NC is committed to and verified you don;t have a leg to stand on....you can't compete...until OM is 100% gone.


----------



## the guy

Be careful when you go back home don't set your self up for a false DV charge.

Bring a witness.

If she doesnt let you in then call the cops.

And if some one else is there call the cops a report a trespasser.


----------



## hookares

She has slept with him and the fact that she talked you into moving out means she intends to continue to do so.
ust another life experience you don't wish to repeat.


----------



## lordmayhem

Only 13 months married, she cheats on you, then *YOU* have to be the one to move home with mom and dad? 

Seriously? WTF?

Oh hell no. No kids? Run Forrest Run!


Take back YOUR home. If anyone sleeps on the couch, it's her - she's the cheater
File for D, like everyone is saying: she's not ready for a lifelong monogamous relationship

Take this as a learning experience. You will one day look back at this and thank your lucky stars that you didn't stay with this woman longer and had kids with her and waste so many years of your life. I know I did.


----------



## F-102

Get back home. One day, while she's at work, change the locks, then get a U-Haul, park it in the driveway and load up all of her stuff. When she comes home and sees you standing next to the U-Haul, she'll probably ask: "Are you leaving?"

That's when you toss her the keys and say: "No, YOU are!"

Get back in house and lock the doors, (she won't be able to get in, as you've changed the locks), and call the police and say that your STBXW is banging on the doors, ready to break the windows and do you physical harm on entry. You fear for your safety, yada yada...


----------



## verpin zal

When you decide to man up (notice not if, when), she'll see that the thing is real, re-evaluate the options in just a few seconds and then the inevitable outcome -

Waterworks.

Women resort to tears when they get cornered and have nothing of substance to say other than "i'm so sorry". And the sad thing is, the trick usually plays out nice for most men.

Be prepared for that too, and don't give in.


----------



## nogutsnoglory

mgobluefan said:


> I'm thinking you hit the nail on the head my friend. The more I stew, the more I realize that this is ridiculous to deal with after 13 months. Someone like that needs to kick rocks. Things seem to have their way of coming back to bite them in the rear end.


That is the most logical thing you have written in regards to your marriage status. In this statement you have control over YOU and you realize that she is not of the value as an investment you had thought originally. She will just use more of your money and suck you dry emotionally. You sound like a guy that will be fine once you are on the other side of this. I am happy to hear you are seeing the light sort of speak. You will be much better off.


----------



## nogutsnoglory

F-102 said:


> Get back home. One day, while she's at work, change the locks, then get a U-Haul, park it in the driveway and load up all of her stuff. When she comes home and sees you standing next to the U-Haul, she'll probably ask: "Are you leaving?"
> 
> That's when you toss her the keys and say: "No, YOU are!"
> 
> Get back in house and lock the doors, (she won't be able to get in, as you've changed the locks), and call the police and say that your STBXW is banging on the doors, ready to break the windows and do you physical harm on entry. You fear for your safety, yada yada...


Instead of lying to police or illegally changing locks and kicking her out illegally, I would talk to a lawyer about what the legal options are for you in your state.
Regardless of who is on the title, and regardless of her adultery, she is a legal tenant of the premises, and to change locks and not allow her access without eviction guidelines being followed, you would be opening yourself up for a lot of trouble. She can sue you, she could win. Talk to a lawyer.


----------



## 86857

Go to a lawyer and get D papers.
Go home. Serve them up with dinner. 
All you need is one sentence, "It's over". 
Say nothing else. Silence is SO powerful and will drive her nuts. 
She will start yelling, crying. . .Don't fall for it. 
Now she can play with whoever she wants. 
You and the dog will be specks in the distance. 
Think of it as a lucky escape - imagine 10 years of that, you got out after just 1.


----------



## jennyh80

6301 said:


> First mistake was letting the 4:30 AM thing slide. Should have put a chair under the door knob and locked her out.
> 
> Second mistake. Leaving. Should have stayed in the house and told her to pack up and go live in the dugout at the softball field if she didn't have any other place to go.


You realize you can't lock your spouse out or make them leave from their marital home?


----------



## MrK

Read up on the 180. Just ignore the parts about her seeing the new you and coming along for the ride. It rarely happens. And if it does? Just remember she was hooking up with strangers before your newlywed stage was even over.

And get back in your damn house. That's the most pathetic part of this.


----------



## jennyh80

F-102 said:


> Get back home. One day, while she's at work, change the locks, then get a U-Haul, park it in the driveway and load up all of her stuff. When she comes home and sees you standing next to the U-Haul, she'll probably ask: "Are you leaving?"
> 
> That's when you toss her the keys and say: "No, YOU are!"
> 
> Get back in house and lock the doors, (she won't be able to get in, as you've changed the locks), and call the police and say that your STBXW is banging on the doors, ready to break the windows and do you physical harm on entry. You fear for your safety, yada yada...


This is stupid advice and will only get the OP in legal trouble. Not helpful in any way.


----------



## F-102

jennyh80 said:


> This is stupid advice and will only get the OP in legal trouble. Not helpful in any way.


No matter how "stupid" you think it is, I like my advice, and I'm sticking to it!!!!!


----------



## weightlifter

Just drive by this Fri night.
or
IF you need proof of her cheating. Standard 007 stuff below.
Oh and if you want to find out STOP TALKING TO HER ABOUT YOUR SUSPICIONS!!!!!!!!!
Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants “to meet to catch up at some public place” Any of this sound familiar? 

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. “Relax”, in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. “Your gut” is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of “pay it forward” and “getting at the truth” Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY! NEVER give up you get your intel from the VAR. You tell her, you always got your info from a PI or someone saw them. Hard confronts with overwhelming evidence to crush all resistance are the name of the game.

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 or ICDPX333 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT 
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener VEK90117: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or the aisle with the fasteners like screws.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. 

ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.
I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

Amazon has a pen VAR that can be placed in a purse or other small place to get remote conversations. Yes the pen works.

Usual warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for four men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality. 

Lets be very clear about what the VAR is for and is not for. It will not be court admissible evidence. It is not for the confrontation. IT IS TO GET YOU AHEAD OF THE AFFAIR so you can gain other real evidence by knowing the who and when. NEVER MENTION YOUR VAR EVIDENCE. As far as the cheater is concerned, they were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

If your wife comes home from an alone time does she immediately change liners, change panties possibly even immediately laundering them?, shower? This can be an after the fact clean up. Amazon sells a semen detection kit called checkmate.

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful. There is even a locator webpage you can track with.

Look for a burner phone. This is a second phone from a prepay service just used for cheating communications. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone" The dont use their main phone for cheating purposes.

There is an app out there called teensafe. Its for both Iphone and Android. It monitors texts, GPS and facebook. Needs no jailbreak. Not perfect and delayed but no jailbreak required.

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex
Rclawson came up with how to get the PW on an ipad
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...eling-my-wife-cheating-me-16.html#post4692714

A poster named Stigmatizer came up with this nice app that appears to give the caller name for iphones:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...y-creepy-happening-my-home-7.html#post4769890

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/4854930-post220.html
Hi rosie!

If he uses chrome or firefox, there is probably a list of saved passwords you can look at. Even if his email isn't saved there, people usually only use a couple of different passwords, so one from the list might work. 

For firefox it's Tools -> Options -> Security -> Saved Passwords

For Chrome it's the little box with three bars in the top right -> Settings - Show advanced settings -> Managed saved passwords

I don't know if other browsers save the passwords where you can view them but you should be able to google and find out!

hope this helps!


----------



## ThePheonix

mgobluefan said:


> Now on to the most pressing matter...the dog. I'm taking him, no questions asked. She bought him for me for my birthday a few years back.


Glad to see you've got your priorities right. When a fellow around here tells you he will kill you over his dog, you best believe him.


----------



## TDSC60

ThePheonix said:


> Glad to see you've got your priorities right. When a fellow around here tells you he will kill you over his dog, you best believe him.


Yeah - you don't mess with my truck or my dog.


----------



## mgobluefan

TDSC60 said:


> Yeah - you don't mess with my truck or my dog.


Well, I sold my truck a few years back but I'm not lying when I say my dog is my best friend. Especially now


----------



## F-102

mgobluefan said:


> Well, I sold my truck a few years back but I'm not lying when I say my dog is my best friend. Especially now


Women and cats will let you down, but NEVER your dog!


----------



## tom67

F-102 said:


> Women and cats will let you down, but NEVER your dog!


Time to move back in and take care of him.


----------



## TDSC60

Bluefan,

Like others have said, her request for you to move out (no matter what excuse she gave) is straight out of the cheaters handbook. She wanted the freedom to have a physical affair with the OM without you looking over her shoulder and questioning the "late nights" and multiple texts. Sadly this is typical and predictable behavior when it comes to a cheating wife.

She may have even brought him into your home.

With only 13 months married, it is time to throw her back in the pond - she is not a keeper.


----------



## theroad

You need to decide if you want to divorce or recover. From what I have read being you are young no kids, married a short time experience has shown that you are better off dumping her.

So what is your choice?


----------



## LongWalk

You are lucky you found out before you had kids with her.

I know you love that mutt. You will get him in the end but don't show that he means jack shyte to you because it was present from her. Let her see that you are not sentimental. It'll make a real impression on her if you ignore the dog. The dog will survive and love you just the same.

Don't go to MC. It's a waste of money. Give her 180 and D papers. If she weeps and cries and begs wants wild monkey sex, you can think it over. But even then her character has been revealed as sorely lacking.

She doesn't want your families to know she cheated. That taint will be hard to wash off.


----------



## DavidWYoung

I think I would keep the dog because it is more loyal. My ex played me like this very early in the marriage, I really do think that she just wanted a big wedding and a honeymoon. Oh well, crazy American woman.

Your plan sounds good, dump her and live your life! Good luck!


----------



## crossbar

What are you doing dude?!? Move back into your house! It's your house and you did NOTHING to warrant you having to move out of it.

Don't even give her a heads up that you're coming back. Just show up! If she questions you about why you're there. Tell her it's your damn house too! If she want's to leave, there's the damn door! 

Chances are she's gonna get pissed. The reason she wanted you gone is because she wanted to carry on this affair without you constantly looking over her shoulder. Now, you've thrown a monkey wrench in her plans. So, be sure to have a VAR on you. Wouldn't surprise me if she threaten to trump up charges to have you removed from the house. So, the VAR is for your protection.


----------



## TDSC60

mgobluefan said:


> Well, I sold my truck a few years back but I'm not lying when I say my dog is my best friend. Especially now


She made you sell your truck??????????????

Oh man - she has got to go!!!!!


----------



## LongWalk

Who owns your home? Are you renting? Is it a house, condo or apartment?

Is the dog with her? Can't be, you must have him. Leave him with friends or relatives. When you go home, sooner or later she'll ask were Fido is. Just say: "I got rid of him."

If she asks why, reply that "he made me feel bad."

If she doesn't react, you know her heart is ice. If she says its her baby, too. Grunt. If she persists in asking, tell her that the people who took him were going to try and train it to hunt before they took it to the animal shelter. You still have their phone number. You can call them up.

Don't say anything more about it. Let her bring it up.

If you can seem tough enough to dump the dog, she'll see you as an emotionally much less needy guy. Regardless of whether you end up divorcing, you need to end or get this relationship on to a higher note in terms of respect.

Did you meet at U of M? Was my school.


----------



## F-102

Have you exposed her behavior to her family and friends?


----------



## lordmayhem

nogutsnoglory said:


> Instead of lying to police or illegally changing locks and kicking her out illegally, I would talk to a lawyer about what the legal options are for you in your state.
> Regardless of who is on the title, and regardless of her adultery, she is a legal tenant of the premises, and to change locks and not allow her access without eviction guidelines being followed, you would be opening yourself up for a lot of trouble. She can sue you, she could win. Talk to a lawyer.


Well, you CAN tell the police that you won't let her in. Yes, you can change the locks and you don't have to let her back in. Reason: because it is a civil matter. The police cannot even make you let her back in or make you give her the new keys. You do not have to even answer the door or let the police into your home. The 4th ammendment is applicable here. There is no criminal statute, at least in my state, that covers this. 

Now, with that said, it could look very bad in front of the judge and the judge will reference civil law and could order you out of the house or make you give the new keys to the WW. Then the cops can get involved because they have to enforce a court order and you can be arrested for contempt of a court order if you refuse.


----------



## jennyh80

lordmayhem said:


> Well, you CAN tell the police that you won't let her in. Yes, you can change the locks and you don't have to let her back in. Reason: because it is a civil matter. The police cannot even make you let her back in or make you give her the new keys. You do not have to even answer the door or let the police into your home. The 4th ammendment is applicable here. There is no criminal statute, at least in my state, that covers this.
> 
> Now, with that said, it could look very bad in front of the judge and the judge will reference civil law and could order you out of the house or make you give the new keys to the WW. Then the cops can get involved because they have to enforce a court order and you can be arrested for contempt of a court order if you refuse.


I call BS on this. You just can't throw someone out of their own home. Acting like you describe will only result you ending in jail.

OP do not listen to this self-destructive 'advice' by lordmayhem, it will only get you in trouble!


----------



## aug

jennyh80 said:


> I call BS on this. You just can't throw someone out of their own home. Acting like you describe will only result you ending in jail.
> 
> OP do not listen to this self-destructive 'advice' by lordmayhem, it will only get you in trouble!



lordmayhem knows his stuff, given his job.


----------



## jennyh80

aug said:


> lordmayhem knows his stuff, given his job.


She can break the window and go in if he tries to stop her and lays hands on her that's physical assault and domestic violence. There. Who goes in jail again?

She could also get the locks changed again herself.


----------



## 86857

Pleeeez go back to your home mgobluefan. Everyone here can't be wrong. 
You may not want to face it. None of us did. She played up and asked you to leave???
She is treating her brand new husband cruelly.:redcard: 
Big bright happy world waiting out there for you, lots of gorgeous girls. :flowerkitty::butterfly::catfly: :ezpi_wink1:
Being alone for a while may be daunting but you have your dog, a man's & a lady's! best friend. 
Stand up to that selfish princess who is out partying while her husband is home alone. 
No IC/MC can fix her IMO. It changed nothing. Spend the money on a lawyer. 

When you do go back bring a friend and a VAR as WL suggested. If she changed the locks wait for her to arrive home. You need a witness in case she pulls a fast one and says you got violent. She could do the helpless female act in court. I have a feeling she will play dirty when you stand up to her because she's been walking all over you up to now. Be prepared. STAY CALM and cover your bases. Don't bother kicking her out - too much drama and possible trouble for you IMO. The divorce will settle all that. Try and get D papers before you move back in. It's YOUR house too. Do you own it or are you renting?
I look forward to a post from your HOME. Post a pic of your uppy: when you get back there.
_PS A guy friend of mine got a dog, called him Billy. He was amazed that every time he took Billy for a walk, girls would stop him to pat Billy. Guess what, my friend married one of them._ 

Waiting for that pic. . .


----------



## tom67

Yes carry a var bring a friend and get back into your house. Then go from there. Expose to her family and close friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mgobluefan

Update and some answered questions.
We own our own home, albeit only for about a year so we haven't built up much equity, simply paying loads of interest and small principal. 
The debt we have was all incurred prior to the marriage (we each have substantial amounts of student debt)
I am mostly attempting the 180 right now. I am living my life, taking care of myself and not talking about anything. I plan on exuding confidence in counseling (yes, I know, I'm being a sucker here and still going to go) on Thursday (tomorrow). 
Those who she looks up to and respects the most (her two cousins, best friend, and parents) are going to know about her obsession with OM after counseling on Thursday and I'm moving back in Friday after I leave work.


----------



## tom67

mgobluefan said:


> Update and some answered questions.
> We own our own home, albeit only for about a year so we haven't built up much equity, simply paying loads of interest and small principal.
> The debt we have was all incurred prior to the marriage (we each have substantial amounts of student debt)
> I am mostly attempting the 180 right now. I am living my life, taking care of myself and not talking about anything. I plan on exuding confidence in counseling (yes, I know, I'm being a sucker here and still going to go) on Thursday (tomorrow).
> Those who she looks up to and respects the most (her two cousins, best friend, and parents) are going to know about her obsession with OM after counseling on Thursday and I'm moving back in Friday after I leave work.


:lol::smthumbup: Good!


----------



## Thorburn

Why can't you move back home now? I would not wait. Would not tell her. You might find a surprise so be prepared.

Also, don't share your plans about D, etc with her. She is in fog land, keep her in the dark.


----------



## mgobluefan

Thorburn said:


> Why can't you move back home now? I would not wait. Would not tell her. You might find a surprise so be prepared.
> 
> Also, don't share your plans about D, etc with her. She is in fog land, keep her in the dark.


Because I don't think it'd even be noticed that I was back home until the weekend anyways. Also, despite her doing these things, I still have respect for things she does. She carries a full time job and is working on her masters degree. She takes classes at night and does her research throughout the week, at night, and I don't want to screw that up. Thus, me moving back would do nothing until the weekend anyways, when she actually has free time.

However, I have been going over to the house when she is in class to spend time with my dog and to do recon in the house.


----------



## hookares

jennyh80 said:


> You realize you can't lock your spouse out or make them leave from their marital home?


NO, HE can't. But in most jurisdictions SHE can. All she need do is lie and insist he threatened her with physical harm and he'll be out.


----------



## Tobyboy

mgobluefan said:


> Because I don't think it'd even be noticed that I was back home until the weekend anyways. Also, despite her doing these things, I still have respect for things she does. She carries a full time job and is working on her masters degree. She takes classes at night and does her research throughout the week, at night, and I don't want to screw that up. Thus, me moving back would do nothing until the weekend anyways, when she actually has free time.
> 
> However, I have been going over to the house when she is in class to spend time with my dog and to do recon in the house.


If you haven't already, get a VAR and carry it on you always. The last thing you need is false DM charges! Protect yourself.


----------



## turnera

mgobluefan said:


> I plan on exuding confidence in counseling (yes, I know, I'm being a sucker here and still going to go) on Thursday (tomorrow).
> Those who she looks up to and respects the most (her two cousins, best friend, and parents) are going to know about her obsession with OM after counseling on Thursday and I'm moving back in Friday after I leave work.


Don't warn her that you are going to tell her VIPs; just do it.


----------



## mgobluefan

turnera said:


> Don't warn her that you are going to tell her VIPs; just do it.


Agreed 100%, nor was I going to. Her best friend already knows and her parents and cousins will know shortly. My only fear is one of her cousins is going to go crazy on her (wife) and this cousin is about 3 weeks from popping out a baby.


----------



## anchorwatch

mgobluefan said:


> I am mostly attempting the 180 right now. I am living my life, taking care of myself and not talking about anything. I plan on exuding confidence in counseling (yes, I know, I'm being a sucker here and still going to go) on Thursday (tomorrow).
> Those who she looks up to and respects the most (her two cousins, best friend, and parents) are going to know about her obsession with OM after counseling on Thursday and I'm moving back in Friday after I leave work.


Expose! It's about what you will and won't accept in your life. Never accept half truths and lies in or about your relationship. It's all about your personal boundaries. 


Stick to the 180 as best you can.
180 List - No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group


----------



## Jellybeans

I'm late to this thread but I am sure everyone hsa given you good advice (don't even have to read to verify--cause TAM'ers are amazing). 

With that said, Idk how old you guys are or how long you've been together but she is acting like someone who is not mature enough to be married, someone who still wants/needs to sow their wild oats, not like someone who is ready to be settled down and married.


----------



## mgobluefan

Jellybeans said:


> I'm late to this thread but I am sure everyone hsa given you good advice (don't even have to read to verify--cause TAM'ers are amazing).
> 
> With that said, Idk how old you guys are or how long you've been together but she is acting like someone who is not mature enough to be married, someone who still wants/needs to sow their wild oats, not like someone who is ready to be settled down and married.


I'm not shy. We are both 26 and have been together for 6.5 years, married for just over one of those years. The puzzling thing about it is, we lived together, by ourselves in a state over 600 miles from home for over 2 years (prior to getting married). Those two years were great. Never even a thought of infidelity. But in the last three months, a switch went off and she is a different person. And I mean that, it was basically a one day turnaround. Even her best friend who just came over two weeks ago said that to me. Verbatim "honestly...she doesn't even seem like the same person right now..."


----------



## turnera

One, she could already be crushing on someone else, which turns her into a drug addict and the OM is her drug, thus the new personality.

Or two, women typically reach 'that level' at between 25 and 30, where they finally mentally shed being someone else's kid and needing to be protected, and start seeing themselves as a full-blown grownup. As such, they sometimes start to see the world with new eyes, and think is that (marriage to you) all there is?


----------



## mgobluefan

turnera said:


> One, she could already be crushing on someone else, which turns her into a drug addict and the OM is her drug, thus the new personality.
> 
> Or two, women typically reach 'that level' at between 25 and 30, where they finally mentally shed being someone else's kid and needing to be protected, and start seeing themselves as a full-blown grownup. As such, they sometimes start to see the world with new eyes, and think is that (marriage to you) all there is?


Well I can guarantee she is crushing on someone. Crushing and/or obsessing is pretty accurate. The 2nd part I can see, but she is and always will be close to her parents and they will help her (us) if needed. We coexisted on our own without a safety harness so I don't think that would be it.


----------



## jennyh80

turnera said:


> One, she could already be crushing on someone else, which turns her into a drug addict and the OM is her drug, thus the new personality.
> 
> Or two, women typically reach 'that level' at between 25 and 30, where they finally mentally shed being someone else's kid and needing to be protected, and start seeing themselves as a full-blown grownup. As such, they sometimes start to see the world with new eyes, and think is that (marriage to you) all there is?


When do men reach this point? At 35-45 or older?


----------



## hookares

jennyh80 said:


> When do men reach this point? At 35-45 or older?


Usually after they have shed their cheating ex wife, so it can come at any age.


----------



## lordmayhem

*Re: Re: Wife of only 15 months asked me to leave*



jennyh80 said:


> I call BS on this. You just can't throw someone out of their own home. Acting like you describe will only result you ending in jail.
> 
> OP do not listen to this self-destructive 'advice' by lordmayhem, it will only get you in trouble!


I have been too many domestic disturbance calls, have you jenny? I've arrested both male & female parties when the evidence at the scene warrants it. I know what is a civil matter and what is a criminal matter. I know the limits of police power and what they can and cannot do. I answer phone calls like this on a daily basis as part of my job.


----------



## 6301

mgobluefan said:


> I still have respect for things she does. She carries a full time job and is working on her masters degree. She takes classes at night and does her research throughout the week, at night, and I don't want to screw that up. Thus, me moving back would do nothing until the weekend anyways, when she actually has free time.
> QUOTE]
> 
> Third mistake. Right now the last thing that should be on your mind is giving her respect. Respect is a thing in life that isn't just handed to you. Respect HAS TO BE EARNED! You shouldn't give a rats ass if she has a full time job and going to school for a masters degree. You shouldn't care if she has to also work the midnight shift at the 7/11. She might have a heavy schedule but not heavy enough to HAVE AN AFFAIR! If she's so damn busy, where does she find time to be with the OM?
> 
> Stop thinking about her feelings because she sure as hell isn't thinking about yours and rolling over and playing the nice guy will get you one thing. More of the same thing your getting now which is a total lack of respect. IMO you want the respect that you have earned. You want nothing more but WILL NOT ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS and if you don't stop the bleeding now, you'll end up like road kill on the edge of a highway.


----------



## lordmayhem

*Re: Re: Wife of only 15 months asked me to leave*



hookares said:


> NO, HE can't. But in most jurisdictions SHE can. All she need do is lie and insist he threatened her with physical harm and he'll be out.


It depends on the judge. Some judges will take the womans word for it and err on the side of caution. Other judges would make her provide proof. Otherwise its a "he said, she said" situation.

In either case, the respondent has the opportunity to contest the RO/PO. Thats due process.


----------



## lordmayhem

*Re: Re: Wife of only 15 months asked me to leave*



jennyh80 said:


> She can break the window and go in if he tries to stop her and lays hands on her that's physical assault and domestic violence. There. Who goes in jail again?
> 
> She could also get the locks changed again herself.


And if he doesnt? In the absence of any evidence and/or witnesses, what would be the probable cause? Making a bad arrest will result in the case being immediately dropped as soon as the police report reaches the DA and an immediate order of release.


----------



## the guy

mgobluefan said:


> I'm not shy. We are both 26 and have been together for 6.5 years, married for just over one of those years. The puzzling thing about it is, we lived together, by ourselves in a state over 600 miles from home for over 2 years (prior to getting married). Those two years were great. Never even a thought of infidelity. But in the last three months, a switch went off and she is a different person. And I mean that, it was basically a one day turnaround. Even her best friend who just came over two weeks ago said that to me. Verbatim "honestly...she doesn't even seem like the same person right now..."


This is bad news.

I have not been here long but when I read a thread or two and this crap happens when some new influence that is infecting your old lady.

I've read a few threads were a rocker chick starts to get into country all of the sudden.
Or the women that went from chucrh lady dresses to tight jeans and low cut tops.
In some cases a women goes from great mom and house with to crack head lazy b1tch who cares nothing for the family.

Its the ol affair fog....

In the end when they come out of the fog they never really liked a certain music or a way of dressing ...or what ever!

My point is its just another red flag.
And as you can see along with her BF that she is changing and I would have to say its the new influence that is now in her life.


----------



## the guy

As far as moving back ...when Fri. comes around remember cool heads prevail.

If she goes off let her know you are not her to control her, you already understand that you have pushed her away, she is more then welcome to all her space she wants....what every she has to say it has nothing to with her.....YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE HOME AS SHE DOES.

So don"t let her push your buttons just repeat " I have every right to be in *my* home as she does"

No matter what, calmly to continue with this point... its phucking simple you just want to be home it will always be her choice to stay or leave but it is no longer about your old lady...you just want to be home!!!!!! So don;t bring up anthing about the marriage ot the affair..no relationship talk at all...it all about being home!

If you have to add anything to "I just want to be home" you can add in " I have let you go so do what you want"

One more thing when she comes back home Sunday night welcome her back but set the boundries if she wants to stay. So don't be surprised when she graps a few things and bails Friday night. You can spend the weekend rearranging some things around the house...like putting back that black light post in the living room and hang some centerfolds in the bathroom.


----------



## the guy

lordmayhem said:


> And if he doesnt? In the absence of any evidence and/or witnesses, what would be the probable cause? Making a bad arrest will result in the case being immediately dropped as soon as the police report reaches the DA and an immediate order of release.


Guys I hope I'm right and this well educated chick sees a stalemate and bails for the weekend, and OP gets a chance to man cave the hell out of his house.

If I'm wrong and she sticks around then take the steps to protect your self from any false DV charges.

Op your phucking nuts if you pull this off with out a VAR in your pocket...just in case this well educated chick spines out and losses her sh1t on you.

Stranger crap has happened..it wouldn't be the 1st time some wack job shoved her own face in the wall and blamed it on you.


Thats way you go and find some place in the house were you can be as far away as possible. Really what has to be discussed?

Hopefully she sees your car in the drive way and figures your back and you finaly grew a spine and leaves you alone...what suck is 9X out of ten the chick will scew with you.

So please no matter how much you think you know your old lady plan for the worst and hope for the best.

I hope and pray the only word out of her mouth are " are you sleeping in the bed or the couch?" Tell her the couch ...hell she going to bail any way and you and the dog will get the bed anyway!

Again Friday is not the time to get into a pissing contest about the marriage....its all about staying frosty and being back at home with or with out your old lady!


----------



## Shaggy

People that change like her are because of two reasons 

- a new lover

- drugs


----------



## WalterWhite

OP, I take it you have no kids? Dump your cheating stoopid wife. This is a no-brainer. She [email protected] all over you, and your marriage. What is keeping you wondering if you and she should try? My God, do you need God to send you a thunder-bolt message complete with a chorus of angels, and trumpeters?!? Be a better friend to yourself, and show yourself more respect. Flush that turd down the toilet...she is no good now and she will be no good in the future.


----------



## turnera

jennyh80 said:


> When do men reach this point? At 35-45 or older?


 Usually at the point at which they realize they won't be on the cover of Rolling Stone or Forbes or wont' be the youngest millionaire on earth. Basically, when they realize they are just like everyone else and they have to come to grips with it.


----------



## ThePheonix

jennyh80 said:


> When do men reach this point? At 35-45 or older?





hookares said:


> Usually after they have shed their cheating ex wife, so it can come at any age.


Normally at about 110. On a serious note, why are people suggesting he go back to his house? All he's doing to himself is having to look at her. (other than the obvious risk of being set up. I know, he can carry a tape recorder to prove he's innocent. Maybe he can play it to the judge on Monday morning after spending the weekend in jail. He might even be able to get it expunged from his arrest record)
Just file for divorce and let the court sort it out. This gal's history and most folks see it. The act of marriage made her feel trapped and she's looking for any light coming in the box as a possible escape route.


----------



## jennyh80

lordmayhem said:


> I have been too many domestic disturbance calls, have you jenny? I've arrested both male & female parties when the evidence at the scene warrants it. I know what is a civil matter and what is a criminal matter. I know the limits of police power and what they can and cannot do. I answer phone calls like this on a daily basis as part of my job.


Then you should know you can't just change the locks and throw someone out of their home. That is what was suggested to the OP in this thread.


----------



## jennyh80

lordmayhem said:


> And if he doesnt? In the absence of any evidence and/or witnesses, what would be the probable cause? Making a bad arrest will result in the case being immediately dropped as soon as the police report reaches the DA and an immediate order of release.


All I'm trying to do is to save the OP from unnecessary legal trouble. Some suggestions, like locking her out of her home, are very self destructive and not helpful at all. I'm suprised that as a supposed police officer you support illegal acts like this.


----------



## Chaparral

Locking someone out has turned out to be very effective on this forum. Yes, the wayward spouse can and sometimes does force the issue and it is their right. Realstically though, they usually just leave.


----------



## LongWalk

GoBlue,

You sound as if you would like her to snap out of this. You need to take drastic action to expose.

Stick with the 180.

Move back as soon as possible. Tell her that she can leave.

File for divorce. It is the only way you can wake her up. Her infatuation may last a couple of more months. And it will continue if she sees him.


----------



## mgobluefan

LongWalk said:


> GoBlue,
> 
> You sound as if you would like her to snap out of this. You need to take drastic action to expose.
> 
> Stick with the 180.
> 
> Move back as soon as possible. Tell her that she can leave.
> 
> File for divorce. It is the only way you can wake her up. Her infatuation may last a couple of more months. And it will continue if she sees him.


I know I'm an idiot for thinking so LongWalk, but I can't help but still love her. We've only been married for a shade over a year so I'm still fighting a love drunk feeling from our first year. I get that after many years together a couple can fall "out of love" but I'm still very much in love with her, even though she is doing what she is doing. I'm sure many of you who have walked this walk will say the same thing. You hurt so bad inside that you just want it all to be over and back to normal. I do believe that time will unveil any wrongdoings on her part. 

That being said I am in this intrinsic battle dealing with my love for my wife and my need to do me first and worry about all else later. I appreciate much of the support and suggestions everyone.


----------



## F-102

mgobluefan said:


> I know I'm an idiot for thinking so LongWalk, but I can't help but still love her. We've only been married for a shade over a year so I'm still fighting a love drunk feeling from our first year. I get that after many years together a couple can fall "out of love" but I'm still very much in love with her, even though she is doing what she is doing. I'm sure many of you who have walked this walk will say the same thing. You hurt so bad inside that you just want it all to be over and back to normal. I do believe that time will unveil any wrongdoings on her part.
> 
> That being said I am in this intrinsic battle dealing with my love for my wife and my need to do me first and worry about all else later. I appreciate much of the support and suggestions everyone.


No, you are not an idiot for loving her.

And, FWIW, she didn't fall out of love for you-until she met the OM. Many WSs do this: their marriages are perfectly happy and stable, then they meet the AP, and suddenly, their spouses lose some of that luster. Left unchecked, it is only a very short time before the WS starts to view the BS with contempt, starts hating everything about the BS. Then they start rewriting history, and now they suddenly "realize" that they never really loved the BS, that they only "thought' that they were happy, and now the AP is this savior who will rescue them from their life of dark misery.

And then, the inevitable happens: the old cliche of "You don't know what you've got...until you lose it" becomes a cold, hard reality.

It's called the Affair Fog, and your W is lost in it.


----------



## bryanp

If the roles were reversed do you honestly think your wife would be acting like you? Nobody but nobody respects a doormat. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


----------



## turnera

Are you exposing/have you exposed?


----------



## mgobluefan

turnera said:


> Are you exposing/have you exposed?


Exposure comes tonight


----------



## turnera

Oh, that's right. Remember to do it all at one sitting, as close a time frame as possible, so if one or more of them calls her, she won't have time to figure out what you're doing and call the OTHER people and paint you crazy before you reach them.


----------



## mgobluefan

So here's where we're at after tonight. I confronted her, I called her parents and her cousins and she isn't having a PA. She is still looking at someone else's facebook pictures every few days, but she is also looking at mine, which to me is a good sign.

In counseling we talked through a lot and I have put VARs in two rooms in the house as well as the car, just to protect myself in case she is lying about the cheating. I have a hidden GPS app installed on her phone also. Because of these measures, I am not moving back into the house because she insists that she needs a little more time to "miss" me. However I told her I will be coming over tomorrow and I will be taking my dog, my flatscreen, and my ipad. This leaves her with effectively nothing at the house. An old laptop, thats about it. 

I score it a win for me. I am so happy to have my dog back, he truly is my best and most loyal friend.


----------



## happyman64

goblue



> I score it a win for me. I am so happy to have my dog back,he truly is my best and most loyal friend.


Glad you got the dog. At least he cannot lie to you.

But your score is zero. Because you just put yourself in limbo.

Your girl has lied. She is interested in someone else after being with you for a few years.

And she has kept you out of "your" home.

If she is confused send her home to mommy and daddy.

She sounds like she went from 26 to 16.

HM


----------



## tainted

mgobluefan said:


> So here's where we're at after tonight. I confronted her, I called her parents and her cousins and she isn't having a PA. She is still looking at someone else's facebook pictures every few days, but she is also looking at mine, which to me is a good sign.
> 
> I score it a win for me. I am so happy to have my dog back, he truly is my best and most loyal friend.


How did her family take the news? Are they being supportive of you? I know sometimes expose to the WS' family ends up backfiring because in their minds their little angel can do no wrong.


----------



## SadandAngry

How did you reach the conclusion that there is no PA?

Why is it that you are the one out of your house? Were you confused? Were you uncommitted?

I think you need to read your own story again. With a critical eye. Shake off the fog you are in. Read a bunch of threads, take a day off work to do it, because each and every one is your story. It's all the same story, over and over. The solution for you to end this hell is the same as it is for everyone else. Respect yourself. Take a stand. Draw your line exactly where it is supposed to be, and do not compromise to placate a lying, cheating, selfish pos who happens to look a lot like someone you loved.


----------



## carolinadreams

mgobluefan said:


> So here's where we're at after tonight. I confronted her, I called her parents and her cousins and she isn't having a PA. She is still looking at someone else's facebook pictures every few days, but she is also looking at mine, which to me is a good sign.
> 
> In counseling we talked through a lot and I have put VARs in two rooms in the house as well as the car, just to protect myself in case she is lying about the cheating. I have a hidden GPS app installed on her phone also. *Because of these measures, I am not moving back into the house because she insists that she needs a little more time to "miss" me. *However I told her I will be coming over tomorrow and I will be taking my dog, my flatscreen, and my ipad. This leaves her with effectively nothing at the house. An old laptop, thats about it.
> 
> I score it a win for me. I am so happy to have my dog back, he truly is my best and most loyal friend.


This is a loss. Mark today down you are going to come back to this post a month to 3 months from now and say what the hell was I thinking.

A relationship isn't strengthened by separation, just like a diet isn't made better by a gallon of chocolate ice-cream.

Separations are good for when you need a cooling off period or if you are trying to decide if you want a divorce. What you are giving by allowing your wife "time to miss you" is a chance to get used to living without you, and filling her headspace with thoughts of another man.

Essentially what it boils down to is we will get treated poorly, as long we tolerate it. Reading your posts I can tell you are clutching and grasping at any positive sign, its understandable many of us have been there much to our detriment. Know this, until this woman completely cuts contact with this man(men?), shows remorse, and begins to purge her self of those feelings for him - this woman is not your wife, your wife is gone and there's is an impostor who looks like her, sounds like her except perhaps means and more selfish, but is not your wife. A wife puts your concerns, happiness, and well-being on an equal level as her own, what you are dealing with now is a selfish deluded doppleganger, and until she abandons that position treating her like your wife will be to your detriment, and will likely only extend your unhappiness.

Everyone who is new here, almost always thinks that they know better, that their circumstances are unique, and if they just smile largely enough while eating their spouse's crap their situation will improve immensely.

Good luck your approach may work, there's always a first time.


----------



## LongWalk

As fellow UofMer, got to tell it to you straight. Even if she did not have intercourse with him – and it is not unlikely that it has happened during the separation – she had her tongue down his throat after that softball game or shortly there after.

Exposure was the right move. She is going to have to scramble to tell her family that she is not a cheater. Unfortunately for her, she kicked you out and that is a huge statement on her part. She exposed her own infidelity.

The problem now is that she is going to look like a doofus. If her new relationship catches fire, she may run to it, but these sorts of exciting affairs usually don't last.

R is not at all impossible but false R is not worth jack shyte. You need to bring her to earth hard so that she is truly remorseful. She cannot have her dignity and rehabilitate you like some probationary boyfriend.

The dog's disappearance will have a big emotional impact. I say go for walk run along Huron and get pictures of you and your dog meeting people, such as cute women. Heck, you can even ask anyone to take your picture in a park with your dog. Let her wonder who took it.

re: Moving back
Wrong to let her decide. Now to take the initiative away, don't approach her about moving back. Contact a realtor to sell the house. Get all the forms filled in. Since you are co-owners she'll have to sign, too. Send her copies and tell her that you want out of the house completely. You don't live in it.

When you look for the agent just take one of the firms that has all the staff online. Look through their pictures. Choose the foxiest one. Call her make an appointment. When you meet the agent. Tell her you need to sell your house quickly. Ask her if your wife can call her if she has questions. Include foxy agent's business card in the letter to your wife.

Realtor woman will be curious as to why you cannot answer your wife's questions. And where is your wife for that matter? Don't explain. She has seen this divorce stuff before. The fact that you don't spill your guts off the bat will be alpha. She'll be on your side.

Let your wife get the papers in the mail. Don't get into conversations with your wife. Just say we need to sell the house and move on. No cake for her to eat. When she sees the realtor woman's name it will subconsciously send a signal. My husband talked to another woman. 

You need to ramp up the dump her moves so that she fears losing you. Give defiant people what they ask for. 

Being needy and begging to get back together with her will give you zero. She will just lose respect for you.


----------



## Will_Kane

mgobluefan said:


> I am not moving back into the house because she insists that she needs a little more time to "miss" me.


She doesn't have any romantic feeling for you any more. So she is hoping that if you are "out of sight" and "out of touch" for a few days, that she will start to miss you. She won't.

Really what is happening is that you have stopped being a mystery to her and stopped being a challenge to her. She has experienced the excitement of a new romance. She is caught up in the fun of discovering all of the mysteries of her new love interest.

You have stopped being a mystery to her, you have stopped being a challenge to her, and she doesn't feel she has to do anything to have you - except snap her fingers, and you'll come running. This sounds harsh, but things that come too easy to us lose their value to us. We take them for granted.

You have lost your value to her because you come too easy to her, and she is taking you for granted.

If you have never experienced this with a girl/woman before, I'm sure you will have to live through it yourself in order to fully believe it and appreciate it.

*Ultimately, the only way you have of saving your marriage is going to be for your wife to believe she is losing you. If you file for divorce, and/or you start going out with other women, or she sees other women being very interested in you. All of a sudden, her feelings will come back.*

If it sounds a little bit childish, that's because it is childish. Your wife is behaving like a child. She has not realized yet that the butterflies and the challenge will not last in ANY relationship. Usually they last a couple of years at the most. It's funny how the fear of losing you would bring them back for her, but that's no way to live - for you to always have your wife fear losing you in order to stay married.


----------



## LongWalk

Will has spoken.


----------



## tom67

You should have moved back in but if you think nicing her will work for you I wish you luck because you will need it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## turnera

You'll be back in a month to tell us that since you gave her the home, she accepted your beta status, forgot about you, and turned it into her affair pad and it became physical.


----------



## 86857

Take a deep breath. 
Pack up your flatscreen, iPad and dog. 
Move back to your house. 
TODAY. 

If she protests or carries on with nonsense like "Go away again because I want to miss you" just shrug your shoulders, plug in your flatscreen and sit down and watch TV. DO NOT have a conversation about your relationship. Silence on that is your most powerful weapon at this point. If she tries to just shrug your shoulders again. If she gets angry just shrug those shoulders again. Be cool but polite. 

Then come back here for advice ASAP on what to do next. 

Don't let her treat you like a dog because that's what she is doing. 

Don't feel guilty about loving her. 
If there is any hope for this at all you will have to do the 'tough love' as above.


----------



## turnera

********** said:


> just shrug your shoulders, plug in your flatscreen and sit down and watch TV. DO NOT have a conversation about your relationship. Silence on that is your most powerful weapon at this point. If she tries to just shrug your shoulders again. If she gets angry just shrug those shoulders again. Be cool but polite.


This ONE ACT would do more than everything else combined to get her hot and bothered for you again, even if she won't admit it.

WOMEN WANT STRENGTH. WOMEN HATE WEAKNESS.

"Agreeing" that she should have the house to "miss you" - gag me, cos I'm about to vomit - is the single worst thing you have done since you got married.

Have you read No More Mr Nice Guy yet?


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

He's not moving back in because she said that "she needs more time".

We know what this usually, REALLY means.

But seeing as he's got VARs in two rooms in the house as well as the car and has a hidden GPS app installed on her phone. Well, he's going to give her the rope. Either she pulls him back in with it, or she hangs herself with it.

I can't say that I wouldn't be doing the same thing. If she is cheating, he will find out and have hard evidence of it. I think he want's to know for sure, either way.

I know I would.


----------



## 86857

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> He's not moving back in because she said that "she needs more time".
> 
> We know what this usually, REALLY means.
> 
> But seeing as he's got VARs in two rooms in the house as well as the car and has a hidden GPS app installed on her phone. Well, he's going to give her the rope. Either she pulls him back in with it, or she hangs herself with it.
> 
> I can't say that I wouldn't be doing the same thing. If she is cheating, he will find out and have hard evidence of it. I think he want's to know for sure, either way.
> 
> I know I would.


True Groundpounder. I forgot about the VARs so he absolutely can leave it for a few days and over the weekend to see what happens. In fact he should.


----------



## LongWalk

It would have been better if he had moved back, but he failed that test. Now he should give her the space she wants and communicate only about divorce and selling the house. 

OP should inform her that he is going to rent an apt and she must pay half. It can be settled when the house is sold.

It is unlikely that strange has proposed marriage. Let her explain to her friends and family that she is divorcing because she fell in love with a guy talked dirty to her at a softball game.

NC your flakey wife. Do you have tickets to M games? Take someone else.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

mgobluefan said:


> \However I told her I will be coming over tomorrow and I will be taking my dog, my flatscreen, and my ipad. This leaves her with effectively nothing at the house. An old laptop, thats about it.
> 
> I score it a win for me. I am so happy to have my dog back, he truly is my best and most loyal friend.


 You won your physical things right? You aren't at the house, she gets to look at any guy's facebook and talk to anyone she wants with out you breathing down her back. Relationship-wise, you lost. 

Sorry.


----------



## TDSC60

Still playing by her rules and letting her set the tone for your marriage. But you got your iPad back and you think that is a win.

She is not just looking at a guys FB page every day, she is hooking up with him or planning to do so.

How are you so sure that she is not in a PA? Because someone told you so?

I am truly sorry but your short marriage has reached it's expiration date and you just can't accept it.

Good luck.


----------



## Knobbers

Its sad to watch these train wrecks.

I don't blame the op for handling things the way he is, but I've read his story on here a thousand times. Ugh.

Best of luck bud, you deserve way better than this from your "wife".


----------



## mgobluefan

Thanks for all the talk. I have a good grasp on her schedule so I know when I can check the VARs and I can track the GPS pretty much realtime. 

To be honest, I am also trying to look out for myself because living in the house with her is going to be very emotionally taxing. I will check on her activities as needed and I have my dog to come home again. 

If she was being honest with the OM then I will find out in due time. I don't want to sound like I'm something special but I do know a lot of people around the city and I have eyes nearly everywhere that she frequents. 

I obviously still hope for the best and the truth will be revealed in due time. Until then, I'm doing my best to take care of myself. I hit the gym regularly, am going out with old and new friends, including new lady friends. I have contacted a lawyer friend and he will draw up papers at a moments notice.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

mgobluefan said:


> Thanks for all the talk. I have a good grasp on her schedule so I know when I can check the VARs and I can track the GPS pretty much realtime.
> 
> To be honest, I am also trying to look out for myself because living in the house with her is going to be very emotionally taxing. I will check on her activities as needed and I have my dog to come home again.
> 
> If she was being honest with the OM then I will find out in due time. I don't want to sound like I'm something special but I do know a lot of people around the city and I have eyes nearly everywhere that she frequents.


 It will be more, but look at this post and realize it is already "very emotionally taxing."


----------



## carolinadreams

mgobluefan said:


> Thanks for all the talk. I have a good grasp on her schedule so I know when I can check the VARs and I can track the GPS pretty much realtime.
> 
> To be honest, I am also trying to look out for myself because living in the house with her is going to be very emotionally taxing. I will check on her activities as needed and I have my dog to come home again.
> 
> If she was being honest with the OM then I will find out in due time. I don't want to sound like I'm something special but I do know a lot of people around the city and I have eyes nearly everywhere that she frequents.
> 
> I obviously still hope for the best and the truth will be revealed in due time. Until then, I'm doing my best to take care of myself. I hit the gym regularly, am going out with old and new friends, including new lady friends. I have contacted a lawyer friend and he will draw up papers at a moments notice.


New Lady Friends? What the heck are you doing? 

Look I know it's hard to focus right now, I've been in those first days myself, your brain is all over the place and your emotions are whipsawing like crazy.

One decide what do you want? Do you want to end this marriage or restore it?

If you want to restore it, barring domestic violence or dealing with a drug addict, *leaving your home is one of the very worst choices you can make*. By leaving you abdicate most of your reasonable power and responsibility in the relationship, and nullify your role as a husband. Worse yet by capitulating to this impostor masquerading as your wife, you are silent endorsing her bad decisions. If your goal is to finalize the demise of your marriage well done. If you want to restore it you need to get your ass back there pronto.

Let me ask you a blunt question, if your relationship style worked so well before why are you in this mess now?

Most of us never got the marriage guide book on how to prevent and deal with infidelity. We all assumed if we did some vague stuff nicely and smiled marital success would result - we were all wrong!

I'm going to tell you right now your intuition on how to deal with this and fix it is probably wrong.

You're saying but me and my wife are individuals, I've barely put any details here how could you know how to fix this better than me?

Time and time again we see that human behavior fits into very narrow patterns, you'll frequently see references to WS scripts cheaters scripts, or the "fog". Without realizing it, your behavior and your wife's behavior is following a very predictable script, and you can hope it works out well or you can execute a lot of the advice you will see here, and assuming your wife can process emotion normally (IE not narcissistic, BPD, bipolar, or a drug addict) you have a chance of restoring your relationship.

Your absence will only make her heart grow fonder for the person she has focused on, because you have removed yourself as an obstacle to her obtaining her hit of romantic or physical stimulation from this other dude(s).

Scroll through this thread and see if you can find a single example of someone agreeing with your decision to be out the house. Ask your self why is it that everyone posting in this thread (who have been in a very similar position to me), disagrees with me.


----------



## Thorburn

I will repeat what has been stated - What the heck on you doing?

You won. Really?? You got a $500.00 ipad, a $700.00 Flatscreen, and a $600.00 dog (these are all rough figures). And you left your wife with an old laptop. Really. So there is nothing else in the house. No frig, no bed, nothing. Oh, yea, I forgot, she has the whole house, too!!!!!

You confronted with what? Her cousins, family, her all say what?

There was no PA. Again, Really?? 

She looked at a guy's pic on FB but she looks at yours too and you say, OK, I am OK with that. 

You are special. You have folks that have eyes all over your town/city. They will tell you what your wife is doing. 

There is something seriously wrong with this whole thing. 

Why would a guy take his flatscrren? I get the dog and the ipad, but can someone explain to me what the heck is going on here.

Did I miss something?

This is becoming bizarro world.


----------



## SadandAngry

To be honest, you are your own worst enemy. mgoblue.

I don't know if there is anything to say that will get through to you. All this 'talk' that is overwhelmingly one sided (advocating the path you are not choosing) comes from experience that has been gut wrenchingly hard won. We are trying to steer you down the path with less pain, more self respect, much lower toll on you in the end. But, sometimes you've gotta do it for yourself I suppose. Good luck, don't give up hope, but if you think this is taxing now, well maybe you should stop buying what your wife is selling. One day, you are going to be a much better man, much happier. Ir will happen, so never give up that hope.


----------



## TDSC60

mgobluefan said:


> Thanks for all the talk. I have a good grasp on her schedule so I know when I can check the VARs and I can track the GPS pretty much realtime.
> 
> To be honest, I am also trying to look out for myself because living in the house with her is going to be very emotionally taxing. I will check on her activities as needed and I have my dog to come home again.
> 
> If she was being honest with the OM then I will find out in due time. I don't want to sound like I'm something special but I do know a lot of people around the city and I have eyes nearly everywhere that she frequents.
> 
> I obviously still hope for the best and the truth will be revealed in due time. Until then, I'm doing my best to take care of myself. I hit the gym regularly, am going out with old and new friends, including new lady friends. I have contacted a lawyer friend and he will draw up papers at a moments notice.


If you have all this in place now you may as well have the lawyer friend draft the D papers now and be ready to serve them.


----------



## weightlifter

Dont count on others. Make sure to get the VARS on a reg basis. You did use lithium batteries right?


----------



## SadandAngry

To be honest, you are your own worst enemy. mgoblue.

I don't know if there is anything to say that will get through to you. All this 'talk' that is overwhelmingly one sided (advocating the path you are not choosing) comes from experience that has been gut wrenchingly hard won. We are trying to steer you down the path with less pain, more self respect, much lower toll on you in the end. But, sometimes you've gotta do it for yourself I suppose. Good luck, don't give up hope, but if you think this is taxing now, well maybe you should stop buying what your wife is selling. One day, you are going to be a much better man, much happier. Ir will happen, so never give up that hope.


----------



## MEM2020

Mgo,
If she wants 'space' then 'she' needs to leave the house, she doesn't kick you out. 

Letting her demand space in a jointly owned house is a huge show of weakness on your part. Epic fail. 


QUOTE=mgobluefan;4971042]Thanks for all the talk. I have a good grasp on her schedule so I know when I can check the VARs and I can track the GPS pretty much realtime. 

To be honest, I am also trying to look out for myself because living in the house with her is going to be very emotionally taxing. I will check on her activities as needed and I have my dog to come home again. 

If she was being honest with the OM then I will find out in due time. I don't want to sound like I'm something special but I do know a lot of people around the city and I have eyes nearly everywhere that she frequents. 

I obviously still hope for the best and the truth will be revealed in due time. Until then, I'm doing my best to take care of myself. I hit the gym regularly, am going out with old and new friends, including new lady friends. I have contacted a lawyer friend and he will draw up papers at a moments notice.[/QUOTE]


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Oh and hanging out with "new lady friends" won't make her jealous. That will just make it easier for her to detach. It seems that the "dating new people" doesn't work until, the other spouse has put their foot down.

You know, when the cake has been removed. Suddenly, they can't stand to see you with anyone else. Right now, when she is in control, she won't care. No, it won't shock her out of her current state.


----------



## F-102

Of course, now she can say that YOU'RE the one who's cheating, and she can tell anyone who will listen that she found out about it some time ago, and she kicked YOU out of the house, thus making her the "good guy" in all of this.

Seriously, dude-I don't think that either of you is mature enough to have a real relationship, much less a marriage.


----------



## LongWalk

Hello MGoBlue,

Michigan had no D but a good offense. How about you?

How's it going?


----------



## Chaparral

She didn't kick you out over a little crush. Sposes ask for seperation so they can bee withtheir affair partner.

Good luck, be strong.

As soon as you get your proof put him on cheaterville.com

Find out where he lives and go by there. After all thereisnt even a tv at your house.


----------



## happyman64

Chaparral said:


> She didn't kick you out over a little crush. Sposes ask for seperation so they can bee withtheir affair partner.
> 
> Good luck, be strong.
> 
> As soon as you get your proof put him on cheaterville.com
> 
> Find out where he lives and go by there. After all thereisnt even a tv at your house.


Mgoblue
I'd be happy with tv and dog too.

They are better and more loyal than your wife.

If you do get the proof put both of them on cheaterville.

I would have stayed home but being out of the house and hanging with friends is just fine.

You will know shortly which direction your marriage is going in.

Stay firm, do not waiver anymore and keep your lawyer friend handy.....

HM


----------



## mgobluefan

happyman64 said:


> Mgoblue
> I'd be happy with tv and dog too.
> 
> They are better and more loyal than your wife.
> 
> If you do get the proof put both of them on cheaterville.
> 
> I would have stayed home but being out of the house and hanging with friends is just fine.
> 
> You will know shortly which direction your marriage is going in.
> 
> Stay firm, do not waiver anymore and keep your lawyer friend handy.....
> 
> HM


Agreed with my dog, he's a small consolation right now. I'm still convinced she isn't in a PA. I've had the VAR and GPS data for about 5 days now and nothing suspicious. Her parents are shocked and pissed about the things I told them and have reassured me I have their support 100%. They told me basically she will reap what she sows and if she pushes us to permanent separation they will not help her through it financially (which they have pledged their financial support to us in the past). I know she thinks she has daddy in her back pocket at all times and she thinks divorce could be much easier than what it should be. She has no idea.

But on to a better update. I'm back in the house. I moved back in this morning. She doesn't know about it yet, but she will when she comes home. I'm still sticking with the 180 and it's treating me, as a person, great so far. I'm still checking the VAR when I get the chance but I don't think the ones at the house are going to be as helpful anymore.

I pray for progress every day, so the next few days are very volatile.


----------



## happyman64

Good move and good update.

And remember, the upcoming days are only volatile if you allow them to be.

Stay in control. Be cool, calm and dispassionate towards her.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Does your wife know you spoke to her parents?

And keep a var on you if she tries to pull any stupid stunts.

Good Luck

HM


----------



## crossbar

I agree with happyman, keep a VAR are you. She's probably not going to be happy that you're home. Oh WELL! It's your home too and you didn't do anything wrong to warrant you having to move out.

If she asks what are you doing here, just say, "I live here." and leave it at that. She'll probably get mad and try to bait you into a fight. DO NOT BITE!!! Follow the 180! Say, "Sorry you feel that way, I just baked some cookies, you want one?"

If you get baited in an argument, she can call the cops and say that she doesn't feel safe with you in the house, and then they'll make you leave. BUT! If you have the VAR and you could have the cops listen to it, they could hear that you were calm, cool and collected. It is to protect you!!!


----------



## turnera

"This is my house."
"I have nothing to say to you."
"I'm not talking about that."
"Pass me a cookie."

You say nothing else.


----------



## BobSimmons

Will_Kane said:


> She doesn't have any romantic feeling for you any more. So she is hoping that if you are "out of sight" and "out of touch" for a few days, that she will start to miss you. She won't.
> 
> Really what is happening is that you have stopped being a mystery to her and stopped being a challenge to her. She has experienced the excitement of a new romance. She is caught up in the fun of discovering all of the mysteries of her new love interest.
> 
> You have stopped being a mystery to her, you have stopped being a challenge to her, and she doesn't feel she has to do anything to have you - except snap her fingers, and you'll come running. This sounds harsh, but things that come too easy to us lose their value to us. We take them for granted.
> 
> You have *lost your value* to her because you come too easy to her, and she is taking you for granted.
> 
> If you have never experienced this with a girl/woman before, I'm sure you will have to live through it yourself in order to fully believe it and appreciate it.
> 
> *Ultimately, the only way you have of saving your marriage is going to be for your wife to believe she is losing you. If you file for divorce, and/or you start going out with other women, or she sees other women being very interested in you. All of a sudden, her feelings will come back.*
> 
> If it sounds a little bit childish, that's because it is childish. Your wife is behaving like a child. She has not realized yet that the butterflies and the challenge will not last in ANY relationship. Usually they last a couple of years at the most. It's funny how the fear of losing you would bring them back for her, but that's no way to live - for you to always have your wife fear losing you in order to stay married.


This, is the single most important line. Read it, a few words but of absolute significance.

She wants time to "miss" you? Weren't you moved out all this time..she still wants more time?

You have to raise your value..maybe in truth for you it's too late, the bird has flown the coop but if you truly want to save this, then you have to raise your value and that means letting her go and showing her you value yourself. 

No fence sitting, no time to miss you or fall back in love or any of the nonsense. 

Right now she's driving everything, she has control. You're simply waiting in limbo while she decides your life..and you don't even know if there's any positive outcome at the end of it!

You need to value yourself, take control out of her hands, she wants time to miss you, ok I'm going to file because I'm not going to wait. We either come together and start building back up or we go our separate ways. Make things real for her, see if she starts to change her tune then.


----------



## mgobluefan

crossbar said:


> I agree with happyman, keep a VAR are you. She's probably not going to be happy that you're home. Oh WELL! It's your home too and you didn't do anything wrong to warrant you having to move out.
> 
> If she asks what are you doing here, just say, "I live here." and leave it at that. She'll probably get mad and try to bait you into a fight. DO NOT BITE!!! Follow the 180! Say, "Sorry you feel that way, I just baked some cookies, you want one?"
> 
> If you get baited in an argument, she can call the cops and say that she doesn't feel safe with you in the house, and then they'll make you leave. BUT! If you have the VAR and you could have the cops listen to it, they could hear that you were calm, cool and collected. It is to protect you!!!


Noted and that's mostly what I plan on doing. The VAR is still at the house, I will keep it nearby for when she gets home.

She doesn't know that I talked to her parents. Unless she has talked to them today and they said they had. I told them to only tell her if she asks and they agreed. 

I'm anxious, really. I'm not mad, I'm not sad, I just have anxiety spewing from my insides really. It's going to be interesting to see how this pans out.


----------



## badmemory

mgobluefan said:


> I'm not mad


You should be.

Your wife of barely a year has told you she needs time to "miss" you and is likely in an affair.

You need to find that anger and channel it into decisive action, to take control back of your marriage. You've already been given the blueprint.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

mgobluefan said:


> I told them and have reassured me I have their support 100%. They told me basically she will reap what she sows and if she pushes us to permanent separation they will not help her through it financially (which they have pledged their financial support to us in the past). I know she thinks she has daddy in her back pocket at all times and she thinks divorce could be much easier than what it should be. She has no idea.


That's great, but as a father I'll tell you always remember that is his baby girl. Thank them for their help, enjoy any support they give you, remember that's their baby girl and their support may suddenly change. In other words, keep certain important and personal things to yourself. If you decide divorce is an option, do not give them a heads up. If you decide to push for reconciliation, do not give them a heads up.




> But on to a better update. I'm back in the house. I moved back in this morning. She doesn't know about it yet, but she will when she comes home. I'm still sticking with the 180 and it's treating me, as a person, great so far. I'm still checking the VAR when I get the chance but I don't think the ones at the house are going to be as helpful anymore.
> 
> I pray for progress every day, so the next few days are very volatile.


My man! Good job and Good Luck.


----------



## vellocet

mgobluefan said:


> 4 days ago, she asked me to stay with my parents for a little while


Uh, since she is the one that is straying, should she be the one to stay somewhere else?

It amazes me that a cheater has the audacity to ask their victim to be the one to leave.


----------



## F-102

vellocet said:


> Uh, since she is the one that is straying, should she be the one to stay somewhere else?
> 
> It amazes me that a cheater has the audacity to ask their victim to be the one to leave.


She sounds like one of those spoiled, entitled "Don't get mad-GET EVERYTHING" types.


----------



## happyman64

vellocet said:


> Uh, since she is the one that is straying, should she be the one to stay somewhere else?
> 
> It amazes me that a cheater has the audacity to ask their victim to be the one to leave.


Don't be surprised. Keep reading these threads and you will see this is quite common.

Cheaters lie. EA or PA.

They consistently lie.


----------



## turnera

vellocet said:


> Uh, since she is the one that is straying, should she be the one to stay somewhere else?
> 
> It amazes me that a cheater has the audacity to ask their victim to be the one to leave.


QFT


----------



## mgobluefan

I feel like I can give real time updates almost. I am just doing work on my laptop and she came home. 

My dog barked like crazy, she slowly walked into the room and just gives me a puzzled "What's going on?"

And i just told her I was working on stuff for work and asked what's up with her.


----------



## crossbar

Ummmm...okay? Anything else? Did she look pissed? Did she storm off? Did she say anything about her parents talking to her?


----------



## happyman64

mgobluefan said:


> I feel like I can give real time updates almost. I am just doing work on my laptop and she came home.
> 
> My dog barked like crazy, she slowly walked into the room and just gives me a puzzled "What's going on?"
> 
> And i just told her I was working on stuff for work and asked what's up with her.


Good. Cool, calm and dispassionate.


----------



## mgobluefan

happyman64 said:


> Good. Cool, calm and dispassionate.


Check, check and check.

She was confused. She ate her dinner and came back and sat down and looked at me and asked "is there a reason you are here?" and I just calmly looked over and said "I live here." She didn't say another thing for the rest of the night, albeit was only about 45 minutes until she went off to bed.

She didn't sleep in "our" bed like she normally would, though. She slept in the guest bedroom, which is the bedroom I was sleeping in for a couple of days prior to her asking me to leave.


----------



## happyman64

mgobluefan said:


> Check, check and check.
> 
> She was confused. She ate her dinner and came back and sat down and looked at me and asked "is there a reason you are here?" and I just calmly looked over and said "I live here." She didn't say another thing for the rest of the night, albeit was only about 45 minutes until she went off to bed.
> 
> She didn't sleep in "our" bed like she normally would, though. She slept in the guest bedroom, which is the bedroom I was sleeping in for a couple of days prior to her asking me to leave.


excellent.

stay in the masterbed.

if she decides to leave just let her go.

no questions.


----------



## crossbar

Score 1 for mgobluefan!!! Good job! Now, just remember to 180 the crap out of her!

Also, be sure to check the VARs often. She's annoyed you're there now and you might have thrown a monkey wrench in whatever she might have been planning. So, she's talking. Might even be scrambling to change plans. So, keep your eyes and ears open.


----------



## turnera

mgobluefan said:


> Check, check and check.
> 
> She was confused. She ate her dinner and came back and sat down and looked at me and asked "is there a reason you are here?" and I just calmly looked over and said "I live here." She didn't say another thing for the rest of the night, albeit was only about 45 minutes until she went off to bed.
> 
> She didn't sleep in "our" bed like she normally would, though. She slept in the guest bedroom, which is the bedroom I was sleeping in for a couple of days prior to her asking me to leave.


Awwwwesome! :smthumbup:


----------



## turnera

And make sure there are no papers, bank stuff, whatever, there that she can take to make your life miserable.


----------



## mgobluefan

I am probably making this out to be way bigger than it is, but I left for work this morning just as she was getting home from the gym. About 30 minutes into work she calls me and needs me to come home because she locked herself out of the house.

I replied with a cool and calm "well that was silly, yes I'll be home in a few minutes." Her attitude wasn't nearly as distant as it was last night when I pulled into the driveway.

Hopefully I made the right moves to just quick unlock the door, walk inside, grab my gym bag and walk right back out.


----------



## turnera

Coming home raised your 'value' in her eyes, as it was a strong move.


----------



## happyman64

turnera said:


> Coming home raised your 'value' in her eyes, as it was a strong move.


:iagree:

Very strong. No idle chit chat. 

Keep it up.


----------



## F-102

This is gettin' GOOD!!!


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

A rock mgobluefan, your a rock.


----------



## vellocet

mgobluefan said:


> I feel like I can give real time updates almost. I am just doing work on my laptop and she came home.
> 
> My dog barked like crazy, she slowly walked into the room and just gives me a puzzled "What's going on?"
> 
> And i just told her I was working on stuff for work and asked what's up with her.



Oh no no no. She doesn't get to wonder what you are doing anymore. You owe her no explanations


----------



## vellocet

mgobluefan said:


> I am probably making this out to be way bigger than it is, but I left for work this morning just as she was getting home from the gym. About 30 minutes into work she calls me and needs me to come home because she locked herself out of the house.
> 
> I replied with a cool and calm "well that was silly, yes I'll be home in a few minutes." Her attitude wasn't nearly as distant as it was last night when I pulled into the driveway.


Well ya, she needed something from you. You should have told her you can't get away and that she'd have to wait until you got home. I don't know why you jumped when she wanted you to anyway. But you have your reasons.

If anything you can show her who the more reasonable spouse is here, as if we didn't already know.


----------



## mgobluefan

So, another update. She agreed to go see a Christian marriage counselor with me the last time we were in our regular MC session. She texted me today and said "I don't think going to see the pastor is going to help." 

I take that as she has 100% checked out. In you guys' opinion, is this still related to "affair fog?" To me, it's absolutely unheard of and ridiculous for my marriage to dissolve in less than 3 months.


----------



## tom67

mgobluefan said:


> So, another update. She agreed to go see a Christian marriage counselor with me the last time we were in our regular MC session. She texted me today and said "I don't think going to see the pastor is going to help."
> 
> I take that as she has 100% checked out. In you guys' opinion, is this still related to "affair fog?" To me, it's absolutely unheard of and ridiculous for my marriage to dissolve in less than 3 months.


MC is a waste of money if she has boyfriend on the brain.

You may as well file you can stop it if she wakes up.

SIGH better you found now rather than 2 kids later sorry.


----------



## TDSC60

mgobluefan said:


> So, another update. She agreed to go see a Christian marriage counselor with me the last time we were in our regular MC session. She texted me today and said "I don't think going to see the pastor is going to help."
> 
> I take that as she has 100% checked out. In you guys' opinion, is this still related to "affair fog?" To me, it's absolutely unheard of and ridiculous for my marriage to dissolve in less than 3 months.


Sorry to say that it is not unheard of for a newly married husband to catch his wife cheating and get out of the marriage. She may have been cheating on you all along and never stopped. I remember one guy who found out that his new wife was emailing her lover while they were on their honeymoon trip.

If she has checked out of the marriage, then blaming it on the "affair fog" does nothing but freeze you into not acting. File the D papers or better yet check into an annulment. If you can have the marriage annulled then that is what you should do (less messy).

She may be shocked into reality by the D papers or she may not. What you have to decide is if you want to stay with a woman who cannot decide if she wants you and who obviously is happier living her life without you.

Honestly I think it is time for you to wake up from YOUR fog and get out of this useless, so called marriage.


----------



## badmemory

mgobluefan said:


> So, another update. She agreed to go see a Christian marriage counselor with me the last time we were in our regular MC session. She texted me today and said "I don't think going to see the pastor is going to help."
> 
> I take that as she has 100% checked out. In you guys' opinion, is this still related to "affair fog?" To me, it's absolutely unheard of and ridiculous for my marriage to dissolve in less than 3 months.


This may be retribution for you moving back in the house. You've definitely put a crimp in her plans and she doesn't like it. Most of all, it shows she isn't remorseful in the slightest; but we already new that.

In regards to the 3 month time frame; sorry to say it's not unheard of. That what infidelity does. It's a bomb and strikes quickly once you discover it.

Put together your exit strategy and move forward with a D; unless or until she turns around. That's your best move IMHO.


----------



## happyman64

Mgobluefan

They are right. Time to plan your exit strategy.

Your wife is totally checked out.

Stop discussing counseling with her.

180 her.

And go see an attorney.

Don't tell your wife you are doing this just do it.

HM


----------



## mgobluefan

happyman64 said:


> Mgobluefan
> 
> They are right. Time to plan your exit strategy.
> 
> Your wife is totally checked out.
> 
> Stop discussing counseling with her.
> 
> 180 her.
> 
> And go see an attorney.
> 
> Don't tell your wife you are doing this just do it.
> 
> HM


I have consulted a friend that is an attorney who was willing to help but we discussed it and we both think it's best since he has proverbial dogs in the fight. Otherwise, I have already set up a face to face with an attorney to go over my options. 

Is it normal to be going through a wild ride of emotions? And I mean this by about the hour? I sit at work and think and get very upset thinking about divorce, then shortly after I come to terms with it. Then right back into being upset and so on.


----------



## Welsh TXN

Mgobluefan: 

I have a little experience with what your going through my exW, told me the ILYBNILWY talk on a Friday night went and stayed at the OM place for the weekend I only found out after using find my phone app, she never came back and decided to go stay at a hotel before she left for a business trip on the Monday morning, that was the last weekend in Jan 12' she came back from the business trip and would not come home unless I left the house (rental house in her home town) I left that Friday night for a hotel, she had the OM over that night and the Saturday night, well coz I left in such a state on the Friday night I didn't pack well at all, well I came back on the Sunday morning and found them together in the house, in the bedroom him cowering in the closet, (side note ****er had drank all my good scotch that weekend). 

Well I moved out and was lucky to have an office which is a retal house with a bed and sheets etc, that was early Feb 12', well I full moved out the last week in Feb 12'.

Well she had the OM around to the house every night from the day I moved out till the Divorce was granted (had a good neighbor who kept an eye out photographed the OM's car at my house to help me if needed in the divorce it helped).

Divorce was filed by her middle March 12' and granted by the Court end of May 12'.

Married May 09'-Divorced May 12' things change and sometimes fast without our consent and knowledge.

She is now engaged end of June 13' and wedding set for April 14'. To the OM.

He lost his accommodation in June 13 and moved into the house with her, and maybe already trying to step out on her people have commented. 

I was not prepared for divorce but I survived get your finances sorted get an attorney for the paper work. Best thing I did.

One thing I will say blood is thicker than water, her family will turn on you the day the papers are filed especially if you have no kids as they don't have to be nice to you.. She is their princess. 

Have friends know what your going through I told one person and he was great but I wish I had had a couple more for sure. to Lean on.

Also IC is great I got a therapist and it helped I always thought therapy was for whimps its NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Use this website I wish I had I posted once before the divorce then did not use it again until the divorce was over bad move.

Good luck and prayers.


----------



## happyman64

mgobluefan said:


> I have consulted a friend that is an attorney who was willing to help but we discussed it and we both think it's best since he has proverbial dogs in the fight. Otherwise, I have already set up a face to face with an attorney to go over my options.
> 
> Is it normal to be going through a wild ride of emotions? And I mean this by about the hour? I sit at work and think and get very upset thinking about divorce, then shortly after I come to terms with it. Then right back into being upset and so on.


Of course your emotions are all over the place. We call this the "rollercoaster".

Know this. You are not alone.
We have all walked in your shoes.

When left with no good choices then you make the tough decisions.

And you know what? You deserve someone better.

In time you will realize that your wayward wife is doing you a favor.

Welsh gave you some good advice.

Keep your chin up. And remember.

Cool, calm and dispassionate. You act that way not for you.

HM


----------



## F-102

This is like WW2. She pulled a Pearl Harbor, you struck back with the Doolittle Raid.

Get ready for the battle of Midway! She is going to throw everything and anything at you to get you to give up and go crawling out of YOUR house with your tail between your legs.

Be the U.S. Fleet-don't play according to your enemy's rules!


----------



## turnera

The #1 best way to get her to realize what she's taking for granted is to lose it.


----------



## Will_Kane

mgobluefan said:


> she exchanged 20 messages with this other guy in the very time frame she was "too busy and having too much fun" for me.
> 
> She texted me today and said "I don't think going to see the pastor is going to help."
> 
> it's absolutely unheard of and ridiculous for my marriage to dissolve in* less than 3 months*.


It's probably not "less than 3 months." That's only when you started noticing it. She probably started detaching from you beforehand. She didn't just go from being madly in love with you one day to wildly infatuated with him the next.

I know a lot of girls (they were over 18, but because of the way they acted I call them girls) who got married to guys they had already fallen out of love with just to either (1) avoid the embarrassment of calling off the wedding (2) because everyone told them how lucky they were to be marrying this guy they had already fallen out of love with or (3) because they were "in love" with the "idea" of getting married, and they were "in love" with having the "perfect" wedding that they had fantasized about since they were 12. Some of those girls were cheating on their fiancé before the wedding and continued it after, some only started cheating after, and some as far as I know never cheated. All of those marriages ended (which is probably why I'm aware of the circumstance), and rather quickly (about on the same time schedule as yours).

I and my brothers and my friends had a lot of girlfriends who at one time or another told us, "don't call me and talk to me, I want to see if I miss you." Those relationships ALWAYS ended right there, even if we didn't know it at the time. Those girls NEVER started "missing" us. What did happen from time to time was that we would find another girlfriend, and then the old girlfriend would find out about the new girlfriend, and then all of a sudden the old girlfriend was "interested" in us again. I've seen this happen in marriages, too, with about the same results. That's why I say, she's not going to "miss" you until she thinks she's losing you, or until she finds out that another woman "has" you. In my opinion, it's better to get out of the marriage if that is what it is going to take to keep her interest.

With all that said, I don't know what your particular situation with your wife is, whether it is all of the above, some of the above, or none of the above. What I do know is that human behavior, even in "love," is fairly predictable. The reactions of the cheating and betrayed are fairly predictable. There is a reason for what she's doing, even if she doesn't consciously realize it. Maybe she doesn't realize that the "in love" feeling doesn't last forever, that it fades in all relationships before three years is up.

She seems to have moved on from you. She doesn't even want you in the house. Like my old girlfriend who needed "space" to see if she "missed" me, while I waited patiently for the call that never came, I think your relationship is over, and you just don't know it yet. She didn't tell you. It's easier for her this way. She's hoping you figure it out on your own and, if you don't, she's moving on with her life, anyway.

I'm not a big believer in the "affair fog." She still functions completely normally in all other aspects of her life. She's feeling the love for the other man, not for you. When you file for divorce or when you find another woman, maybe that feeling will return for her. Maybe not.

Be thankful you don't have kids to tie yourself to her. You probably can do a lot better than her. She sounds kind of selfish and cold. You probably always were the one who conceded in an argument, always let her have her way, did the activities she wanted to do, most of the time at the expense of what you wanted to do.


----------



## mgobluefan

I got a text from my wife last night saying she did not want to go see the Christian marriage counselor because she was didn't want to feel more guilty, she already feels guilty enough. She feels like I'm using it as another way to have someone talk for me and going is going to make her feel worse. She said she needed me to go back to my parents and I didn't take her feelings into consideration and when I said "I live here" to her asking what I was doing home didn't help.

I replied to her with "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm going to see the pastor because I want to and it's going to make me feel good regardless."

When I got home from the gym last night she was just letting my dog back in and she saw me walk up. She got upset and when I walked into the house she was crying a little bit. I said "Hello." And put away my gym stuff and fixed my dinner.

So looks like I'm going to see the pastor by myself but bet your backside I'm not evening thinking about leaving the house again.


----------



## turnera

Awesome!


----------



## turnera

If she's that unhappy, SHE can leave. YOU made vows and wanted to honor them. She didn't. Shouldn't be you moving out.


----------



## turnera

May wanna keep a VAR in your pocket, though, just in case she pulls the age-old 'he tried to rape me' crap and get you kicked out.


----------



## happyman64

Good for you.

And here is a hint.

Your wife is being a coward. SHe is hiding behind texts.

Maybe your next communication should be telling her you think she needs to move back home with Mommy & Daddy and not come back until she grows up.

HM


----------



## warlock07

mgobluefan said:


> I got a text from my wife last night saying she did not want to go see the Christian marriage counselor because she was didn't want to feel more guilty, she already feels guilty enough. She feels like I'm using it as another way to have someone talk for me and going is going to make her feel worse. She said she needed me to go back to my parents and I didn't take her feelings into consideration and when I said "I live here" to her asking what I was doing home didn't help.
> 
> I replied to her with "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm going to see the pastor because I want to and it's going to make me feel good regardless."
> 
> When I got home from the gym last night she was just letting my dog back in and she saw me walk up. She got upset and when I walked into the house she was crying a little bit. I said "Hello." And put away my gym stuff and fixed my dinner.
> 
> So looks like I'm going to see the pastor by myself but bet your backside I'm not evening thinking about leaving the house again.


manipulation


----------



## nogutsnoglory

GOD I F'N LOVE WHEN A MAN GETS HIS BALLS BACK!!!
.:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:

Keep it up. You are taking control. Do not give an inch.


----------



## LostViking

Stake your claim and do not leave. 

If she wants to act like a moron, let her. You just need to be strong and do the 180 to a T. Personally I think she married you for all the wrong reasons and is now trying to wrom out of it. 

Be proactive. Go see a lawyer and start the D process. Have her served. That is the best way to tell her true intentions. If she freaks out and begs you not to divorce her, then there may be some hope she actually loves you. If getting served does nothing or if she gets snotty and mean, then that means that, even though she wants the divorce, she is pissed that you were the one to instigate and not her.


----------



## mgobluefan

She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.

What do I do?


----------



## tom67

mgobluefan said:


> She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.
> 
> What do I do?


Tell her thanks but no thanks.


----------



## lewmin

You stay in your home. This is not up for negotiation.


----------



## jack.c

no. frankly I dont give a shxt what you wish


----------



## turnera

mgobluefan said:


> She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.
> 
> What do I do?


Tell her thanks but no thanks. This is YOUR house, SHE is the unhappy one, she is free to leave.


----------



## turnera

mgobluefan said:


> She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.
> 
> What do I do?


btw, that was a MANIPULATION in case you missed it. She wants you gone so she can manhunt. You're cramping her style. So she offers up the one OTHER thing you said you want, in exchange for what SHE wants - you gone. 

Even if she went, she'd be sleeping through the whole thing, since she had already got what she wanted - you gone.

Don't make this easy on her.


----------



## badmemory

She really is pulling all the manipulation strings to get you out of that house. Don't even THINK about it.

Here's where you should tell her "I'm not going to leave my house again, so you might as well stop asking me. Also, it's fine about the counselor, I don't need you to go".

Then start the 180, and get that D rolling. Timing is everything.


----------



## turnera

Don't forget the mother of all manipulations - she may be offering to give you sex soon, if you will just move out.


----------



## badmemory

turnera said:


> Don't forget the mother of all manipulations - she may be offering to give you sex soon, if you will just move out.


Or be ready for this: Would you mind just leaving for a few hours each weekend so I can at least have a little space? No more than 3 or 4 hours at a time, that's all I'm asking.


----------



## mgobluefan

turnera said:


> Don't forget the mother of all manipulations - she may be offering to give you sex soon, if you will just move out.


I wish...wouldn't make me move out however.

I'm going to meet her for counseling but I'm going back to the house afterwards. 

I feel she is still being too selfish and she doesn't deserve the house to herself. Not to mention it's not like we have interaction at the house. She gets home, goes into the office, does her research and goes to bed.


----------



## LongWalk

mgobluefan said:


> I am probably making this out to be way bigger than it is, but I left for work this morning just as she was getting home from the gym. About 30 minutes into work she calls me and needs me to come home because* she locked herself out of the house*.
> 
> I replied with a cool and calm "well that was silly, yes I'll be home in a few minutes." Her attitude wasn't nearly as distant as it was last night when I pulled into the driveway.
> 
> Hopefully I made the right moves to just quick unlock the door, walk inside, grab my gym bag and walk right back out.


You're a quick learner. 

And why did she make this mistake? There is a reason and you should be able to figure it out.


----------



## BK23

mgobluefan said:


> I wish...wouldn't make me move out however.
> 
> I'm going to meet her for counseling but I'm going back to the house afterwards.
> 
> I feel she is still being too selfish and she doesn't deserve the house to herself. Not to mention it's not like we have interaction at the house. She gets home, goes into the office, does her research and goes to bed.


Just tread lightly. Once she realizes she can't you bully you out, she may involve police/the courts. keep your cell phone ready to record anytime she is near.


----------



## turnera

Yeah. Expect her to ramp up the 'issues.'


----------



## LongWalk

Early on I suggest that you do some research for sale of the house. She is not going to kick you out of property that you jointly own. If she doesn't want you in it because she wants the freedom to enjoy strange, then you need to sell as part of the divorce settlement. 

The idea that a husband sets his wife up so that she can bring softball fbuddies home is nuts. Why would she start to miss you if some guy from Ohio has taken your spot in bed?

Stick with your 180. File for divorce. Start dating. Even if she rediscovers her passion for you, she sounds flakey.

Your wife is feeling embarrassed. Just married and getting a divorce. How is she going to explain it to friends, family, future boyfriends? Any guy who thinks about marrying her in the future is going to be curious if he is not love drunk.


----------



## How am I Going to Surviv

mgobluefan said:


> She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.
> 
> What do I do?


My recommendation?:

Tell her it's your home. You're NOT leaving. (Whatever you do, don't leave.)

Also tell her that the plan is that you're going to go see the pastor and you'd like her to join you.

Be unconcerned with whether she comes or not, just let her know that's the plan. Let her see you leading instead of seeing you leaving. 

Follow your plan not her plan. 

Just my 2c


----------



## SadandAngry

mgobluefan said:


> She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.
> 
> What do I do?


There's no respect there, tell her fine, you'll see the pastor alone, because you live here, it's your home.


----------



## F-102

You may want to put some nanny cams in the house, in case she tries the dirty trick of bashing her face into the wall and then calling the cops on you.


----------



## weightlifter

mgobluefan said:


> She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.
> 
> What do I do?


Point at the couch. Tell her to get one of those twin size pad thingies to make it more comfortabe.

NO evidence of a boyfriend? Are you even trying?


----------



## crossbar

mgobluefan said:


> She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.
> 
> What do I do?



Wow, she really wants you out of that house! Makes me really believe that you screwed up something she was planning. Like, having an affair openly without you looking over her shoulder? Making her hide it again? Putting strain and stress back into the equation again?

Dude, stay strong and stay in the house.


----------



## F-102

crossbar said:


> Wow, she really wants you out of that house! Makes me really believe that you screwed up something she was planning. Like, having an affair openly without you looking over her shoulder? Making her hide it again? Putting strain and stress back into the equation again?
> 
> Dude, stay strong and stay in the house.


Damn! Now she's gonna have to pay for a motel room!


----------



## Will_Kane

Pure manipulation.

First, the text that your relationship is too far gone, going to see a counselor won't help, it's too late.

Next, telling you that she will see the counselor if you get out. So, in other words, your relationship is too far gone, she wants you out, and she's willing to sit in a counselor's office for an hour in order to get rid of you.

Tell her if she is unhappy, she can leave. It is your house AND her house; and SHE is the one who is unhappy.

Where do you stand with her now? Still monitoring her? Is she still in contact with the other man? Did she ever admit to it being physical? What has she told her friends and her family about what is going on? Did she tell them about what happened with the other man? Did she tell them you left the house? Did she tell them she fell out of love with you and is trying to "miss" you? Did she try to blame you? Are they completely unaware? And what are their reactions to what she told them, if she told them anything?

Given that you are giving her "space," not engaging with her, staying away from her in separate rooms, seemingly living like even less than roommates, but like two former enemies who are just trying to live in the same house with as little contact as possible - why do you think she is so upset about you staying in the house?

If her being away from you is so important, why do you think that SHE has not offered or threatened to leave the house, only asked you to?


----------



## movin on

There is a reason she doesn't want you at home.
She wants someone else their.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## LongWalk

Her mind must be in turmoil. She is trying to dump you, cope with school work and accomplish other goals. She feels you are not cool enough for her. Her sex rank went up in her own mind at least. OM may have a wife or girlfriend and they need a place to have sex. You are not cooperating.

It is also possible that your wife may not be with OM but feels that the interaction with him – probably sex but at least making out – was a turning point in her life. She realized she was done with you. She doesn't want to see you at all because you force her to think about how messed up she is going to look, getting divorced so quickly.


----------



## turnera

mgo, what happened? Did you move back out?


----------



## tom67

turnera said:


> mgo, what happened? Did you move back out?


I hope not.


----------



## mgobluefan

turnera said:


> mgo, what happened? Did you move back out?


Finally back everyone. 

No, I didn't move back out. We saw the Pastor and got more out of it than the last 6 weeks with our secular marriage counselor. That dude has his stuff together and he gets it.

After we met, I talked with my wife for a bit in the parking lot and she asked me again to leave. I said, verbatim "I'm sorry you feel that way but that is my home, too and I will not leave it again." She said she would possibly look into staying at a friends and I stated again "I'm sorry you feel that way but if staying at a friends is the best thing, then feel free to do that. If I don't see you at the house later, I know you are staying somewhere else. Drive safe." and I closed the door.

She stayed at our house last night...so did I.


----------



## LongWalk

Well done. She did not split. That is action, instead of talk. 

Keep up the 180. She will see you have a spine. The 180 is for your survival. If she becomes attracted to you, good. If not, your life will still be good, without her.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## southernsurf

mgobluefan said:


> She said she would respect my wishes and see the Christian marriage counselor with me tonight but I have to respect her wishes and not stay at the house.
> 
> What do I do?


what you tell her is its your house and you are living in it full time. If she feels a need to be alone and whats to live a single life find a place to live. Good bye! Don't be a nice guy and put up with it, she's checking out another options.


----------



## happyman64

MGO

Do not be afraid to tell her you take your marriage vows seriously.

Then tell her if she cannot or does not take her vows seriously she needs to be honest and talk to you.

Treat her like an adult and just maybe she will start acting like one.

HM


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

mgobluefan said:


> She stayed at our house last night...so did I.


So, the fact that she went home last night even though you didn't leave says something.

She want's to be "alone". She doesn't want to stay at her friends because she would still have an audience...


----------



## SadandAngry

I'd be done if I were you. She has shown you who she is, listen to her. You are not too terribly entangled yet, so you can make a clean break and chalk it up to a learning experience.


----------



## mgobluefan

LongWalk said:


> Well done. She did not split. That is action, instead of talk.
> 
> Keep up the 180. She will see you have a spine. The 180 is for your survival. If she becomes attracted to you, good. If not, your life will still be good, without her.
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Baby steps right now is okay with me. I am sticking to the 180 completely right now and I think I'm nailing it. Which, interestingly enough, doing the 180 is really doing things that I never really did. My personality is pretty complacent, people pleaser-ish. Now that I'm in me first mode, she'll notice.

It's funny she complains about our awful communication and it has to improve but she doesn't want me to communicate in any other way but in person. But she doesn't want me around to communicate. The ol' catch-22.


----------



## carmen ohio

mgobluefan said:


> Finally back everyone.
> 
> No, I didn't move back out. We saw the Pastor and got more out of it than the last 6 weeks with our secular marriage counselor. That dude has his stuff together and he gets it.
> 
> After we met, I talked with my wife for a bit in the parking lot and she asked me again to leave. I said, verbatim "I'm sorry you feel that way but that is my home, too and I will not leave it again." She said she would possibly look into staying at a friends and I stated again "I'm sorry you feel that way but if staying at a friends is the best thing, then feel free to do that. If I don't see you at the house later, I know you are staying somewhere else. Drive safe." and I closed the door.
> 
> She stayed at our house last night...so did I.


Dear mgobluefan,

While we obviously root for different teams during THE GAME, I'm rooting for you and that you get the outcome that you desire. If saving your marriage is what you really want, I hope it happens and think you are doing mostly the right things to make it happen.

Keep the faith and stay strong.


----------



## turnera

> she doesn't want me to communicate in any other way but in person. But she doesn't want me around to communicate. The ol' catch-22


She doesn't want you around for one reason only: so she can cheat.

Has nothing to do with you or any silly communication excuse.


----------



## southernsurf

mgobluefan said:


> Finally back everyone.
> 
> 
> After we met, I talked with my wife for a bit in the parking lot and she asked me again to leave.
> 
> She said she would possibly look into staying at a friends and She stayed at our house last night....


Next time she asks you to find a place to live, tell her you already have a place to live, and tell her – don’t suggest – that its time for her to find other living arrangements where she can find herself and her own space. Don’t be nice to her, tell her you have work to do on your home and want some friends over to visit. Time to move on. She doesn’t want the inconvenience of moving and she you to be the one to live out of a box and she wants the privacy of her own home to do…….what


----------



## weightlifter

turnera said:


> She doesn't want you around for one reason only: so she can cheat.
> 
> Has nothing to do with you or any silly communication excuse.


QFT.

If she magically wants to be at her friends house especially Fri or Sat. You can bet that friend has a penis.

Var and GPS up man. You gotta stay ahead of her.


----------



## vellocet

weightlifter said:


> QFT.
> 
> If she magically wants to be at her friends house especially Fri or Sat. You can bet that friend has a penis.
> 
> Var and GPS up man. You gotta stay ahead of her.


Actually, he doesn't need to do that. He just needs to divorce her. He has all he needs to know she isn't worth any more of his time on this planet, or any other decent man's for that matter.


----------



## badmemory

bluefan,

My take is that your wife is trying to figure out how to leave you through an exit affair. You staying in the home makes that more inconvenient for her.

If it's not this OM, my guess is that she'll keep trying until she finds another one.

You need to stop putting up with her nonsense and start the D process.


----------



## tom67

badmemory said:


> bluefan,
> 
> My take is that your wife is trying to figure out how to leave you through an exit affair. You staying in the home makes that more inconvenient for her.
> 
> If it's not this OM, my guess is that she'll keep trying until she finds another one.
> 
> You need to stop putting up with her nonsense and start the D process.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## LongWalk

GoBlue,
You are are going to come out of this a wiser, more together person. You will be less interested in being a nice guy in the negative sense of nice, such as doormat.

Your wife does not impress. Her character is sorely wanting. Is she beyond hope? That is hard to say, since we are only seeing her failures. But if she is to emerge from this a better person, she must be a lot more honest.

If she wants to split, she should say. I met a guy at the softball game who hit on me and I realized I wanted to sleep with him. Our marriage was a mistake. Forgive me. 

No carnal picnic should begin until you separate

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## MrK

Remember the 180 is for you. She's gone.


----------



## F-102

When you come to the last page...

...close the book.


----------



## turnera

Remember that, while you are there, SHE is spending the day fuming and trying to figure out how to get you back out. Please be VERY careful around her and keep a VAR ready in your pocket.


----------



## mgobluefan

turnera said:


> Remember that, while you are there, SHE is spending the day fuming and trying to figure out how to get you back out. Please be VERY careful around her and keep a VAR ready in your pocket.


I agree with this but that simply wouldn't happen. I do have my phone on me though with a voice recorder app that can be turned on in less than 3 seconds. I know it's not voice activated, but it will still help if she gets crazy.

I'm still going with this daily rollercoaster of emotions that change every 5 minutes. I feel confident we will work things out for 5 minutes, then I get enraged and feel like she's a huge POS for 5 minutes. Shortly after I start to feel like a new start wouldn't be all that bad and it starts all over again. Again and again.


----------



## happyman64

MGO

You are on a rollercoaster of emotions.

This is quite normal.

Your wife is a POS. She is treating you disrespectfully.

All she has to do is be honest with you. And she cannot do that.

Stay calm, cool and dispassionate.

Remember. The only actions you can control are your own.

She is free to stay, leave. 

Patience.

HM


----------



## turnera

mgobluefan said:


> I'm still going with this daily rollercoaster of emotions that change every 5 minutes. I feel confident we will work things out for 5 minutes, then I get enraged and feel like she's a huge POS for 5 minutes. Shortly after I start to feel like a new start wouldn't be all that bad and it starts all over again. Again and again.


That's why you don't make any decisions for a good long while. You need to let the feelings even out, and that takes time.


----------



## southernsurf

mgobluefan said:


> I'm still going with this daily rollercoaster of emotions that change every 5 minutes. I feel confident we will work things out for 5 minutes, then I get enraged and feel like she's a huge POS for 5 minutes. Shortly after I start to feel like a new start wouldn't be all that bad and it starts all over again. Again and again.


I did this also, its normal. I was convinced a light would go on in her head any day - but guess what, it was total dark in there, only thing on her that worked was her money maker. Funny how they want to stop cheating after you kick them out - tooo late

southern surfer


----------



## sandc

There are people out there that would love to be with you.

Just saying.


----------



## MEM2020

Mgo,
Perfect, textbook execution of a 180.

You really might want to carry a Voce activated recorder around with you. Low cost insurance in the event that she claims that you are threatening or intimidating her. 



QUOTE=mgobluefan;5103770]Finally back everyone. 

No, I didn't move back out. We saw the Pastor and got more out of it than the last 6 weeks with our secular marriage counselor. That dude has his stuff together and he gets it.

After we met, I talked with my wife for a bit in the parking lot and she asked me again to leave. I said, verbatim "I'm sorry you feel that way but that is my home, too and I will not leave it again." She said she would possibly look into staying at a friends and I stated again "I'm sorry you feel that way but if staying at a friends is the best thing, then feel free to do that. If I don't see you at the house later, I know you are staying somewhere else. Drive safe." and I closed the door.

She stayed at our house last night...so did I.[/QUOTE]


----------



## 6301

For the life of me, I can't understand if she isn't interested in the marriage and want a separation why she just doesn't pack up and leave. I'm glad you told her that you were staying. This is her doing and if she wants to be separated, then it's up to her to find another place to live. Nothing like wanting your cake and eating it too.


----------



## betamale

I have read the whole story. 
1) She´s selfish 2) She´s very inmature. I wonder how is the relationship with her dad. If she is abusive towards him she´ll be abusive towards any male. 
I don't believe she´s in any type of affair, but it sounds like she´s looking forward to replace you, or at least she was until you tried the 180°. Stick to the 180°, it will save your dignity.


----------



## F-102

6301 said:


> For the life of me, I can't understand if she isn't interested in the marriage and want a separation why she just doesn't pack up and leave. I'm glad you told her that you were staying. This is her doing and if she wants to be separated, then it's up to her to find another place to live. Nothing like wanting your cake and eating it too.


It's simple: she's got the idea in her head that she is going to "get everything".


----------



## turnera

What's been happening? You ok?


----------



## SadandAngry

How are you holding up blue?


----------



## vellocet

turnera said:


> Remember that, while you are there, SHE is spending the day fuming and trying to figure out how to get you back out. Please be VERY careful around her and keep a VAR ready in your pocket.


Well I hate to suggest this, but I'm going to anyway.

bluefan, any way you can make her angry enough to slap you and then have her thrown in jail for battery?


----------



## badmemory

vellocet said:


> Well I hate to suggest this


Yeah, I'm not too crazy about that suggestion either.


----------



## vellocet

I know. Probably not the best suggestion. And I guess I shouldn't say that he intentionally try to provoke her. 

There was a moment during my divorce where I made my X angry by refusing to leave my house and I thought she was going to smack me, and I wished she had. I'd have loved nothing more than to have her thrown in jail.


----------



## crossbar

Go blue hasn't been on here for a few days.....I guess he didn't carry the VAR on him!


----------



## GingerAle

This.cant.be.life.

GINGER


----------



## LongWalk

OP is a pretty straight shooter. He may just say to himself: "Got to gut this out on my own."

Difficult to be optimistic about his WAW.

I had a friend who married a the daughter of Audi dealership. She was rich and also had her own career. She divorced a year or so after they got married. He is a very tall, super fit, athletic dude with an easy smile. Very kind. Some people are never satisfied.


----------



## mgobluefan

I'm here and I'm holding up fine.

To go through a few comments:
1. She is being a crappy person but she would never hit me and vice versa, and we both know this. Even if she did I couldn't press any charges unless I felt my safety was truly in danger.

2. I have a VAR on me at all times, no worries there.

I'm still in the house and so is she. I'm starting to come to terms with her quitting on the marriage. I still don't think there is an affair going on mostly just because I am smarter than she is at finding this type of stuff out. She is bad at covering any tracks for anything. I could be wrong though. But back to my point of her quitting is that she seemingly fell out of love within a short period of time and is throwing away a chance at true happiness with a pretty awesome man. I have my families support and the support from her own friends and family. I think they recognize she is becoming a different person and they have told me that if she is really willing to throw away what we had this quick, then she doesn't deserve someone who will devote himself completely to her. I am understanding this more now than ever. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life to date and it's not going to be easy. I still have hopes of making it work and I am doing my part but it is a general empty feeling coming back and it makes me sick to think about. 

As bad as it sounds, if we are done I can't seem to wish her well. I want this to be as hard on her as possible. Lord knows it's destroying me, I want it to be mutual. Marriage is obviously the hardest job in life and it shouldn't be as easy as "nah...I'm through I guess...I've changed." Life changing events are not and should not be that easy. I've discussed options with a lawyer and it seems pretty clear cut as of right now. I'm going to hold out hope for a little while longer but eventually I won't be able to stick around emotionally and I will have to stop what she is doing to me and simply divorce...wow, those are hard words for me to wrap my head around.


----------



## turnera

Re: the hitting thing. Women often will CLAIM that you hit them to get you out of the house, and often the police will have to remove you, just in case you did.


----------



## happyman64

MGO

Take comfort in the fact that you found out rather quickly that she is not the woman you married.

Be glad that you did not have to spend half your life with her just to have her fall out of love with you.

Stay put.

Give her fair warning. Ask her if she truly wants a Divorce.

Make her ask you for it.

Then give her what she wishes for.

Then you can go find a woman that values your love, friendship and vows.

HM


----------



## Racer

happyman64 said:


> MGO
> Give her fair warning. Ask her if she truly wants a Divorce.
> 
> Make her ask you for it.
> 
> Then give her what she wishes for.
> 
> Then you can go find a woman that values your love, friendship and vows.
> 
> HM


Disagree with that one. Unremorseful self-entitled princess types tend to think in terms of self-serving. She might like what the marriage itself has to offer; financial stabiity, nice lifestyle, dual income, possible kids with a guy who’d be a good father, and the ‘pride’ of her parents and friends for being married instead of single and living that life (which it sounds like she wants). But it isn’t for MGO. He’s just a background character in her life script. It’s about the image of marriage and what it represents to her and her own dreams. 

So she may not ever ask for divorce. That’d be giving up on her dreams and fantasy life script she has. It isn’t seen as a benefitting her life to divorce. I’ll bet money she wants MGO to be ‘the bad guy’ and divorce so it isn’t her fault or doing and she can save some face. 

My WW one-upped that too. When it became known I was seriously considering it, she threw scraps my way to pacify. She continued in her ways, but did keep the marriage just at tolerance levels. One of my largest regrets is staying for ‘tolerable’ without any real growth in the relationship.

Sorry MGO.


----------



## badmemory

mgobluefan said:


> As bad as it sounds, if we are done I can't seem to wish her well. I want this to be as hard on her as possible. Lord knows it's destroying me, I want it to be mutual.


That doesn't sound bad bluefan; it's sounds human. She broke your wedding vows and isn't remorseful. She doesn't deserve an easy exit.

Just make sure you don't make it any harder on yourself in the process.


----------



## SadandAngry

If it gets to that, you want to strive for indifference, not hate. She won't be your concern anymore, so just let it go, she isn't worth the energy to punish. Truly, focus on yourself. Have you checked out MMSLP and No More Mr Nice Guy?


----------



## weightlifter

mgobluefan said:


> I'm here and I'm holding up fine.
> 
> To go through a few comments:
> 1. She is being a crappy person but she would never hit me and vice versa, and we both know this. Even if she did I couldn't press any charges unless I felt my safety was truly in danger.
> 
> 2. I have a VAR on me at all times, no worries there.
> 
> I'm still in the house and so is she. I'm starting to come to terms with her quitting on the marriage. I still don't think there is an affair going on mostly just because I am smarter than she is at finding this type of stuff out. She is bad at covering any tracks for anything. I could be wrong though. But back to my point of her quitting is that she seemingly fell out of love within a short period of time and is throwing away a chance at true happiness with a pretty awesome man. I have my families support and the support from her own friends and family. I think they recognize she is becoming a different person and they have told me that if she is really willing to throw away what we had this quick, then she doesn't deserve someone who will devote himself completely to her. I am understanding this more now than ever. It's the hardest thing I've ever dealt with in my life to date and it's not going to be easy. I still have hopes of making it work and I am doing my part but it is a general empty feeling coming back and it makes me sick to think about.
> 
> As bad as it sounds, if we are done I can't seem to wish her well. I want this to be as hard on her as possible. Lord knows it's destroying me, I want it to be mutual. Marriage is obviously the hardest job in life and it shouldn't be as easy as "nah...I'm through I guess...I've changed." Life changing events are not and should not be that easy. I've discussed options with a lawyer and it seems pretty clear cut as of right now. I'm going to hold out hope for a little while longer but eventually I won't be able to stick around emotionally and I will have to stop what she is doing to me and simply divorce...wow, those are hard words for me to wrap my head around.


RDMU probably has ~30 points of IQ between him and his wife. She was coached by a PRO. It took near a year for him to even start to see red flags (Other than than the hand on ass incident which was gaslighted)

If there is a pro AP... it will be much harder.


----------



## LongWalk

It's natural that you should want to make an impression upon her for her flakiness. She should suffer. But you know, you don't have work very hard to make her suffer. The easier you make the divorce for her, well, the worse it is going to feel for her in the long run. If you fight her on the details, which don't much matter at this point, you will just give her false grounds for bitterness. 

She will want to tell people that you weren't all that nice a guy. Don't give her the satisfaction.

Her interest in reconciliation, MC, etc. has been weaker than an arctic sun in late December. So, you might as well file for D first. There is no reason to quarrel. You have no children. There will be no alimony is she has any sense of decency. If the state formula awards her alimony, I suggest you simply accept that. For such as short marriage it cannot be much if anything at all.

Sell the house. Hope the market is firm enough to get you out without losing money. Split the debt if there is any and Bob's your uncle, you'll be quit of her.

In being civil to her now, you will in no way be servile or needy. Be polite and restrained without being stiff. Do not get into anymore relationship discussions.

When it is all done and you managed to hide your pain as much as possible she will have a lifetime to consider what she did. We don't know how her life will turn out. However, it is clear that she wants to date and have sex rather be married. Right now she may attract men whom she considers her sex rank equals. But if she is too picky, she may end up in her 30s searching for Mr Right but not getting a Mr Right to propose.

She'll wonder what happened to all the guys she should have taken more seriously... or maybe she'll just look back and say that your were great but she didn't understand herself or life. You on the other had understand life better and will probably be able to build the family that you want. You will be much more savvy about the psychology of attraction and you will succeed better next time round.


----------



## mgobluefan

Well, it all came out on Saturday. Remember how I said I'm smarter than my STBXW? 

I come home and she isn't around. I notice her gym stuff is still at the house so I text her to see where she is and she tells me she's at the gym. Which was an obvious lie but I didn't say a word. I went to the computer and looked at her google search history, which anything she searches while she is on her phone shows up on, as well as anything she searches when she is on the computer. There were searches on where to get plan B pills in the area. What a shocker....!

She comes home and I have a voice recorder running, sitting right next to me. I tell her to come over and talk to me. I am sitting in my recliner and she stands about 4 feet in front of me. This is nearly verbatim:
Me: Are you cheating on me?
Her: No.
Me: You cheated on me last night.
Her: No, I didn't, why would you ask that?
Me: Then who do you know that had unprotected sex with a random stranger last night?.....LONG PAUSE
Me: Who needs the plan B pill? LONG SILENCE
Me: You got it for yourself didn't you?....Didn't you?
Her: Yes
Me: I filed for divorce yesterday, you will be receiving the papers soon. You will move out, you lost the privilege of living in this house. 
Her: I didn't mean for this to happen.........
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, etc.

So there it is. Just as many of you expected, it was physical. It may not have been physical until that night but that is neither here nor there. It has happened and divorce papers served.

Ouch town...population me. What kills me more than anything is that it was with a guy she's met at the bar a couple of times and she was drunk and it was UNPROTECTED. I have a long string of terrible adjectives to show how I feel about that/her. Then for her to erase possible consequences by taking a plan B pill (which I view as a form of abortion and I am 100% against) just confirms my feelings of her making decisions her whole life without any risk of a negative consequence. I have a very good lawyer and her cheating confession on tape. I hope I get empathy in the courts.


----------



## tom67

Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you are keeping it together considering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mgobluefan

tom67 said:


> Sorry to hear that. Sounds like you are keeping it together considering.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't get me wrong, it sucks really bad and I feel absolutely awful...numb to it all really. When I think about it all it makes me feel like I have to throw up.

But the last few weeks of considering worst case scenarios has helped prepare me for said worst case scenario. Did I expect a PA...no, but I know she was checking out of the marriage and there wasn't much I could do anymore to try to coax her otherwise. 

I have a really fantastic support system of family and friends who have been really great over the past couple of days.


----------



## LostViking

OP I'm sorry it had to come to this, but you are doing it right. 

She has never had to face any consequences for her bad behavior in the past. You may have very well saved some poor schmuck in the future from going through the same thing with her. But narcissists like her rarely change for the better. 

Start doing a hard 180 on her and when she moves out go dark as night on her. Don't talk to her or let her try to manipulate you in any way. 

Expose the hell out of her. Tell her family and friends what she did and what a selfish piece of work she is. Make sure she doesn't lay the blame for the destruction of the marriage at your feet.


----------



## mgobluefan

LostViking said:


> OP I'm sorry it had to come to this, but you are doing it right.
> 
> She has never had to face any consequences for her bad behavior in the past. You may have very well saved some poor schmuck in the future from going through the same thing with her. But narcissists like her rarely change for the better.
> 
> Start doing a hard 180 on her and when she moves out go dark as night on her. Don't talk to her or let her try to mainipulate you in any way.
> 
> Expose the hell out of her. Tell her family and friends what she did and what a slefish piece of work she is. Makse sure she doesn't lay the blame for the destruction of the marriage at your feet.


I have already been doing the 180, definitely for myself and it's been helping me. I went cold on her the instant she said yes to my question. I have since told her she lost the privilege of asking questions and she lost the privilege of my respect for any aspect of her life. If possible, I don't plan on talking to her again, besides for any moderation for our possessions. 

I have drafted a letter and they will be sent out tomorrow to her closest friends and family. It's time for her to have some real crap dumped on her.


----------



## LostViking

As she is walking out the door with her suitcases you should tell her thanks for showing you what a true scuzzbucket she is before you wasted any more years on her.


----------



## Noble1

Sorry to hear about your situation overall, but glad to hear you have the "goods" to make it out ok in the end.

Good luck to you.


----------



## sandc

Yeah, cheater sex is almost always unprotected. I've yet to read about an actual affair where they did use protection. I'm sure it's happened but, no it's hardly ever protected.

Sorry this has happened but very glad you haven't been left wondering for the next however many years.


----------



## lifeistooshort

Do you think she did it to force your hand? All this talk of her wanting a divorce, you don't, and you're going to make it tough and miserable for her makes me wonder if she did it to force things. If so then it worked.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mgobluefan

lifeistooshort said:


> Do you think she did it to force your hand? All this talk of her wanting a divorce, you don't, and you're going to make it tough and miserable for her makes me wonder if she did it to force things. If so then it worked.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Regardless of why she did it, it happened and she lied to face about it twice. You'd think that if she did it to "force my hand" then she would have came out and said she cheated when I gave her the opportunity to confess.


----------



## LostViking

Do you think she has cheated before this? I do. 

This doesn't sound like it was her first run around the block.


----------



## mgobluefan

LostViking said:


> Do you think she has cheated before this? I do.
> 
> This doesn't sound like it was her first run around the block.


By the way she is acting, no I don't think she has and she remains firm on her not having cheated before. I did also call her out on her EA over the last month or two and she denied that, but obviously we all know it was a lie. 

I looked her in her eyes and told her if she respected herself she'd go get tested. I told her I was going to make an appointment to get tested too and she got mad at me for that. "Why would you get tested, we haven't had sex in ______ weeks. And this just happened yesterday." Either way I'm getting tested, but that leads me to believe this was the first time.


----------



## LostViking

mgobluefan said:


> By the way she is acting, no I don't think she has and she remains firm on her not having cheated before. I did also call her out on her EA over the last month or two and she denied that, but obviously we all know it was a lie.
> 
> I looked her in her eyes and told her if she respected herself she'd go get tested. I told her I was going to make an appointment to get tested too and she got mad at me for that. "Why would you get tested, we haven't had sex in ______ weeks. And this just happened yesterday." Either way I'm getting tested, but that leads me to believe this was the first time.


Get tested anyways. Dont hedge your well-being on her lying azz. 

And getting tested will send a very clear message to her that you don't believe a damn thing she says and never will.


----------



## MattMatt

mgobluefan said:


> By the way she is acting, no I don't think she has and she remains firm on her not having cheated before. I did also call her out on her EA over the last month or two and she denied that, but obviously we all know it was a lie.
> 
> I looked her in her eyes and told her if she respected herself she'd go get tested. I told her I was going to make an appointment to get tested too and she got mad at me for that. "Why would you get tested, we haven't had sex in ______ weeks. And this just happened yesterday." Either way I'm getting tested, but that leads me to believe this was the first time.


Or the first time since she got tested since the last incident of cheating? God. I hate how cheaters make us so untrusting and cynical!


----------



## happyman64

MGO

Good for you. Now you know the truth. 

You also know who she really is now.

Do not waste another second on her. She is not deserving of your thoughts or time.

Get her out like the trash, rest, recover and go find a real woman that knows what she wants and who she wants in her life. You!

If outing her cheating to her family makes you feel better then do it.

But do it in a way that shows you respect yourself and your vows more than your STBXW ever did.

HM64


----------



## Will_Kane

mgobluefan said:


> So there it is. Just as many of you *expected*, it was physical. It may not have been physical until that night


We all KNEW it was physical. It has been physical for a while now.



mgobluefan said:


> that leads me to believe this was the first time.


It wasn't. Take it to the bank. Just assume that if her lips are moving, she's lying. That's the part of the script she's on right now.


----------



## Will_Kane

blue, I don't care what you thought you knew about your wife, just throw it all out the window. When you look at her now, think of an actress in a play, reading off of a script. She must follow the script. How cheaters act really is THAT predictable. Very, very few ever ad lib.


----------



## happyman64

Will_Kane said:


> We all KNEW it was physical. It has been physical for a while now.
> 
> 
> 
> It wasn't. Take it to the bank. Just assume that if her lips are moving, she's lying. That's the part of the script she's on right now.


Will Kane is right MGO.

You still see the wife you married. But you describe a cheating wayward wife to us.

Sadly, it is the same script.

The key is to detach, take comfort from family and friends.

And treat your wife exactly the way she has treated you. With disdain.


----------



## Will_Kane

She will admit to only what you know, only what you can prove. As you find more, she will admit to more. Tears will come, and a very, very convincing performance of acting very, very sincere. When this happens, you still will have only the tip of the iceberg.


----------



## SadandAngry

Will_Kane said:


> She will admit to only what you know, only what you can prove. As you find more, she will admit to more. Tears will come, and a very, very convincing performance of acting very, very sincere. When this happens, you still will have only the tip of the iceberg.


If it were me, I wouldn't even bother looking for any more evidence. There is so little invested, never consider reconciliation. I like your plan of staying totally dark, you can have your lawyer handle communicating the division of common assets (which should be pretty straight forward, no?). You will go through a roller coaster of emotion. You can come out of it fine on the other side.


----------



## workindad

Will_Kane said:


> She will admit to only what you know, only what you can prove. As you find more, she will admit to more. Tears will come, and a very, very convincing performance of acting very, very sincere. When this happens, you still will have only the tip of the iceberg.


My XW responded sort of like this. She only admitted to what I could prove. She did not shed tears at the time though. 

OP, you will be much better off without the liar and cheater in your life.

I'm glad to see that you are getting yourself tested for STDs. You certainly can't rely on your wife to tell you anything honest and sincere, even if it did affect your health.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

mgobluefan said:


> What kills me more than anything is that it was with a guy she's met at the bar a couple of times and she was drunk and it was UNPROTECTED. I have a long string of terrible adjectives to show how I feel about that/her. Then for her to erase possible consequences by taking a plan B pill (which I view as a form of abortion and I am 100% against) just confirms my feelings of her making decisions her whole life without any risk of a negative consequence. I have a very good lawyer and her cheating confession on tape. I hope I get empathy in the courts.


Sorry, this sucks. 

When the emotions hit hard, be prepared for the "I was drunk/don't remember" excuse. It has given many a TAM member fits when they decide to drop the hammer. She knew enough to get the pill, she knew enough to lie about her location, she met him more than once and she never wanted to do marriage counseling.


----------



## lifeistooshort

mgobluefan said:


> Regardless of why she did it, it happened and she lied to face about it twice. You'd think that if she did it to "force my hand" then she would have came out and said she cheated when I gave her the opportunity to confess.



True, but who knows why people so some of the dumb sh!t they do. I just wondered because its not the typical cheating followed by crying and begging you to take them back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Chaparral

What was her reaction to having to confess?. Was she sorry or sad? Itt sounds like she didn't care at all. She wanted a divorce anyway, right?


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

mgobluefan said:


> By the way she is acting, no I don't think she has and she remains firm on her not having cheated before. I did also call her out on her EA over the last month or two and she denied that, but obviously we all know it was a lie.
> 
> I looked her in her eyes and told her if she respected herself she'd go get tested. I told her I was going to make an appointment to get tested too and she got mad at me for that. "Why would you get tested, we haven't had sex in ______ weeks. And this just happened yesterday." Either way I'm getting tested, but that leads me to believe this was the first time.


No offense but what makes you think she is telling you the truth when confronted with what you yourself already know??? Of course she is lying and has had sex many times.


----------



## turnera

mgobluefan said:


> I have a really fantastic support system of family and friends who have been really great over the past couple of days.


I hope you told them the truth. That way, when she comes on to you - and she will, they won't LET you go back to her.


----------



## jim123

Just means she used protection before. She has been having sex since she asked you to leave.


----------



## mgobluefan

Hey all, it seems like most of what is posted is very similar so I will address it all at once.

What I'm doing: There is 0% chance of me ever having any shred of respect for her again, so there's that. I am already moving on and planning for my own future, obviously without her.

What she's doing: I don't care what she is doing. 

How I'm protecting myself: I have already taken my money out of our accounts and moved it into a different account at a different bank and I'm only spending money on bills so there is no confusion. I have already taken a general photographic inventory of what we have that is worth any value and it's location so she can't siphon any valuables into hiding. I have already exported the recording of her confession so she doesn't try to smash the device to get rid of it

The future: I fully expect to be much better off without her. Will it take a while for me to bring this to real life realization? Yes, and I'm expecting that as well. I understand that I deserve a woman who will respect and desires my faithfulness and devotion to the relationship. My wife has a part of my heart that is going to take me a while to recapture to give to another woman, but she no longer deserves anything from me.


----------



## weightlifter

Way to go.

You got your proof and can "rest" being assured that she was indeed unfaithful and you were not torpedoing your own marriage.

(ugly) mission accomplished.


----------



## warlock07

mgobluefan said:


> Regardless of why she did it, it happened and she lied to face about it twice. You'd think that if she did it to "force my hand" then she would have came out and said she cheated when I gave her the opportunity to confess.


Why do you think it was the first time it happened ? it could that they got lazy abou protection this time. She could well be protecting the identity of OM by telling you that it was a random at a bar...

I mean, how much coincidence does it have to be that you have to be to come early the day after she decides to cheat on you and gets caught in a lie ?

And do you plan to expose her to her family?


----------



## mgobluefan

warlock07 said:


> Why do you think it was the first time it happened ? it could that they got lazy abou protection this time. She could well be protecting the identity of OM by telling you that it was a random at a bar...
> 
> I mean, how much coincidence does it have to be that you have to be to come early the day after she decides to cheat on you and gets caught in a lie ?
> 
> And do you plan to expose her to her family?


At this point, it doesn't matter how many times she cheated. It only takes once in my eyes to push beyond reconciliation. I know who it is, exactly who it is. She told me who it was and it was who I expected it to be.

I do plan on exposing to her family. They deserve to know that the girl they thought was such a nice person is indeed a dreadful, selfish. P.O.S.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

mgobluefan said:


> At this point, it doesn't matter how many times she cheated. It only takes once in my eyes to push beyond reconciliation. I know who it is, exactly who it is. She told me who it was and it was who I expected it to be.
> 
> I do plan on exposing to her family. They deserve to know that the girl they thought was such a nice person is indeed a dreadful, selfish. P.O.S.


I know you said that it's over and I don't blame you, I'm the same way.

However, if you started to re-think this, or your stbxw starts begging you to take her back, either way - Tell her that she needs to take and pass a polygraph test.

I have a feeling that this rabbit hole runs much deeper than what she's told you so far.

I'm very sorry that you going through this. It's the hardest thing I ever had to go through, myself. I know how it feels.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Has she moved out yet?


----------



## mgobluefan

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I know you said that it's over and I don't blame you, I'm the same way.
> 
> However, if you started to re-think this, or your stbxw starts begging you to take her back, either way - Tell her that she needs to take and pass a polygraph test.
> 
> I have a feeling that this rabbit hole runs much deeper than what she's told you so far.
> 
> I'm very sorry that you going through this. It's the hardest thing I ever had to go through, myself. I know how it feels.


Yes, it's over. I've played scenarios out in my mind where she begs and pleads and I can't help but laugh at her in every one of those scenarios. IMO, if there is no children involved, any self-respecting man will not accept this behavior and I most certainly will not.


----------



## vellocet

mgobluefan said:


> At this point, it doesn't matter how many times she cheated. It only takes once in my eyes to push beyond reconciliation. I know who it is, exactly who it is. She told me who it was and it was who I expected it to be.
> 
> I do plan on exposing to her family. They deserve to know that the girl they thought was such a nice person is indeed a dreadful, selfish. P.O.S.


Sounds like a good plan.

However, don't expect her family to turn their back on her. Even though her behavior is deplorable and actions inexcusable, they may support her to the point that they resent you for trying to make their little girl look like a ho.

Just state the facts without any emotional descriptions.


----------



## LongWalk

GoBlue,

Good job getting the truth. You have saved yourself an enormous amount of pain. She wanted you out so she could fornicate without disturbance. Coming home proved the right move.

You left out the number of weeks that she claimed your sex life ended. Was her claim consistent with what you recall? Did you find it curious that she knew the cutoff date?

She spoke of sex with a random bar hook up but you knew who it was. Should we infer it was the softball player?

Was faith something that you shared in common? Will belief in God be more or less important in the women you date in the future?

You did not tell her about Google, did you? Was there any expression of fear or respect after you proved far from meek or naive?

Please post a picture of your dog.

Would consider posting your stbx on Cheaterville?

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


----------



## mgobluefan

LongWalk said:


> GoBlue,
> 
> Good job getting the truth. You have saved yourself an enormous amount of pain. She wanted you out so she could fornicate without disturbance. Coming home proved the right move.
> 
> You left out the number of weeks that she claimed your sex life ended. Was her claim consistent with what you recall? Did you find it curious that she knew the cutoff date?
> 
> She spoke of sex with a random bar hook up but you knew who it was. Should we infer it was the softball player?
> 
> Was faith something that you shared in common? Will belief in God be more or less important in the women you date in the future?
> 
> You did not tell her about Google, did you? Was there any expression of fear or respect after you proved far from meek or naive?
> 
> Please post a picture of your dog.
> 
> Would consider posting your stbx on Cheaterville?
> 
> _Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


Sickeningly enough, I'm sure we are both very aware the last time we had sex. Our one year anniversary (7 weeks ago). 

I knew it was one of two guys. One, the softball player. Two, a male she started consistently searching for and looking at his pictures on facebook. Those were the only two that I would have guessed, and I guess correctly.

I grew up in a Christian home and I have faith based roots. I have been lacking in my devotion and she has never shared religion with me. She showed interest but only on face level. A future partner of mine will have similar beliefs and a rooted desire to pursue our faith together.

STBXW knows nothing about my sources. She doesn't know I track her on facebook. She doesn't know I look at her google history. She doesn't know I look at her browser history. Only thing she knows is that I started looking through her phone a few months back so she deletes nearly all conversations.

My pup, Woodson:
Couldn't figure out how to post, so it's attached.


----------



## warlock07

If you have the time read DevastatedDad's thread. His wife(who cheated) was very religious I think. She was also a therapist. People will cheat regardless of their faith. Just pointing out that it shouldn't be the only criteria that you should be basing your new relationships on.

Not trying to threadjack or turn this into a discussion on religion.


----------



## mgobluefan

warlock07 said:


> If you have the time read DevastatedDad's thread. His wife(who cheated) was very religious I think. She was also a therapist. People will cheat regardless of their faith. Just pointing out that it shouldn't be the only criteria that you should be basing your new relationships on.
> 
> Not trying to threadjack or turn this into a discussion on religion.


Very well understood. Of course that's not the only criteria for a future relationship, but it's something that I value that I compromised on in this instance. I'm aware that people of all backgrounds and belief systems at unfaithful to their spouses.


----------



## nogutsnoglory

mgobluefan said:


> Yes, it's over. I've played scenarios out in my mind where she begs and pleads and I can't help but laugh at her in every one of those scenarios. IMO, if there is no children involved, any self-respecting man will not accept this behavior and I most certainly will not.


Could not say it better man. I never can understand the ones that R after this is done. Pathetic is all it is. 
Good for you MG, you are doing great (hard I know) and I have the utmost respect for how you have handled your POS W.


----------



## mgobluefan

nogutsnoglory said:


> Could not say it better man. I never can understand the ones that R after this is done. Pathetic is all it is.
> Good for you MG, you are doing great (hard I know) and I have the utmost respect for how you have handled your POS W.


I appreciate the support. Really this is how I consider this all. 
1. Is she going to do it again?...I don't know
2. Can I trust her again?...I don't know

Because I can't answer favorably to those two questions I had to start preparing myself for my future, alone. If I hinge my feelings on a possible reconciliation I could be hurting my relationship with a woman in my future that deserves my whole heart, not repeatedly damaged goods.


----------



## crossbar

So, what's be happening now since your discovery? Is she still in the house or did she leave? Has she tried talking to you since? Have you informed friends and family? IS she trying to blame shift?


----------



## LongWalk

She has a right to stay in the house. 

Her possible desire for reconciliation will be based on two factors: new found respect for GoBlue and the desire for GoBlue to erase the cheater tattoo that she didn't plan on wearing for the rest of her life.

Later when she has to explain to future potential LTR guys what ended her first marriage. She'll have to say there adultry occurred and there was no way she could stay with you after that: she couldn't accept it. (source: Machiavelli)

But if you take her back for R and you eventually D some months from now, she can just say "our marriage had troubles, we agreed to separate for while, but then got back together and tried but we were just too different. So we agreed to go our own ways." (there was no adultery just a guy during the separation).

I get the feeling that your wife did love you at one time. What attracted her was probably your integrity, your loyalty, your straight talk. The integrity was important because she is aware that she lacks it and thought she could get it or its appearance by marrying you. 

Your loyalty bored her because she values excitement over steadfastness. She hoped that your straight talk concealed a more exciting devious character, but it didn't.

Nice dog.


----------



## verpin zal

mgobluefan said:


> I appreciate the support. Really this is how I consider this all.
> 1. Is she going to do it again?...I don't know
> 2. Can I trust her again?...I don't know


I'll fix it for ya:

1. Is she going to do it again? ... a) If you take her back, yes. If you give her the boot, she'll try to be loyal for a time with the new guy.. until she gets bored again. Yes.
2. Can I trust her again? ... a) If you take her back, no. If you give her the boot, she'll try to be loyal for a time with the new guy.. until she gets bored again. Will you care? No.

There.


----------



## verpin zal

Hell I forgot the option b) above.. I'll fix it for ya.

b) Doesn't matter.

There.


----------



## LongWalk

How are you doing GoBlue?


----------



## F-102

Time for me to trot it out:

Someday, in the distant future, after she has had a revolving-door string of losers, abusers, drug addicts and other assorted ne'er-do-wells in and out of her life, she will be working in some other job, and she may overhear a co-worker talking about the flowers or card that her wonderful H sent to the workplace, or another woman's plan for her and her H to celebrate their anniversary with a vacation, or a lavish dinner with all of their children and perhaps grandchildren in attendance.

She will go home, close the door behind her and wistfully say to herself: "I had a wonderful H once..."

...and only the walls and her 50 smelly cats will hear her.


----------



## LongWalk

Michigan is losing in Evanston right now. My father went to UofM, my youngest brother, my cousin, my SIL and I did, too. GoBlue. My brother went to Northwestern.

So how are you doing this Saturday? Has she moved out?

re: exposure to in-laws
I think you should meet them in person to say goodbye. You don't have to use the word cheating or adultery. Just say that your wife has gone outside of your marriage and entered into intimate relationship with another man.

If they ask you what that means, you can say: "She was having unprotected sex with XXX, a guy she met on FB."

There is not much more to talk about. Hug them or shake hands and part.


----------



## 86857

Loved the photo of Woodson.

You did great MGO. 
You found out the truth and that is just about the hardest thing to do where cheaters are involved. Read some threads!

I'm going to speak out of turn. Just picture in your mind's eye in the future, you and your lady taking Woodson out for his evening stroll in the park holding hands and laughing while Woodson tries to chase other doggies, cos I'll bet he does that. . The lady I'm talking about is someone who loves you. 

With your WS all you will have are bad memories of how she asked you to move out because SHE decided she wanted to play around with other men behind your back and it would be easier for her to do that if you moved out of your own home. Sheesh! You will remember how she lied to you and told you to stay away because she 'wanted to miss you'. You will play the mind movies of she and the OM having sex while you sat at home. You will carry that little doubt forever. If she comes home late or starts acting a bit differently you will get triggered and feel anxious. You may even get that sinking feeling. You will be forever vigilant, next month, next year, in 5 years. 

I hope instead you find a different lady to walk Woodson in the park with because the future with her looks a whole lot brighter to me.

She's out there somewhere. You'll find her.


----------



## LongWalk

Hope you are planning a good Thanksgiving with family.


----------



## 86857

How are you doing MGOBlueFan & how's Woodson.


----------



## WalterWhite420

verpin zal said:


> Dim number_of_kids as Integer
> 
> If (number_of_kids = 0)
> DoCmd *run*;
> EndIf


Or better yet:

void start_divorce_proceedings_now(void);

int main(void) {

if (get_num_kids() == 0) {
start_divorce_proceedings_now();
}
else {
start_divorce_proceedings_now();
}

start_divorce_proceedings_now();

return 0;
}


----------



## LongWalk

Merry Christmas, GoBlue. State beat Ohio State. Never happened when I was at UM


----------

