# Considering Separation and advice from the side needed



## astoriagirl (Nov 22, 2010)

Hello,

I guess I am here to get an advice and opinion from the side - somebody other than my friends, his or my family.

So the story is that we have been married for 5 years. No children. We got married quite young - me 22 he 24. Although I fell in love w him, there were lies from his side starting from day one - i found out his real age only on the day when we went to fill out marriage certificate, also, only year later I found out that his background is not italian as he said but puerorican (yet his family looks very italian so I never doubted). Through out the 5 years there have been many situations that made me cry more than ever - he would call me fat (yet I am modeling), he has been gone for weekends and wouldn't respond to my phone calls, drug use - as per him its only recreational - coke and extasy and pot, yet he would spend all his money on his party supplies and I have been paying all the bills myself for the past 3 years. And one of the biggest things - he has not met my family and has not expressed any interest.

I told him about 4 weeks ago that I want to move out and basically nothing has changed drastically. Yet, when I started to pack my things few days ago, he would get all emotioanl and say that I cannot leave him and that he loves me so much and he will change. I told him that there are no more "2nd chances" left from me and that I dont event want to try to work things out. Now he has also involved his mom who calls me every day to tell me that we should work things out....

It is really hard for me, because I fell in love w this sweet person, yet I didnt see his other sidearty loving, mean, vendictive person.

Do you think me wantitng to leave him can really give the kick in the butt and make him change his ways? or peaople that been living and lying about everything just stay that way. Oh and I have never been in any kind of wrong situation w law as much as I have been w him - not myself but like forexample having him arrested for stupid things. I don't think its ok and I am ashamed I am married to smdy who thinks pot smoking is cool and spending a night in a jail is not a big deal


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

astoriagirl said:


> *I am ashamed I am married to smdy who thinks* pot smoking is cool and spending a night in a jail is not a big deal


That says it all - you should NEVER feel ashamed to who you are married to. You obviously want different things in life and he should respect you and your marriage. To me, just stating you're ashamned is a huge red flag. 

I know where you're coming from about the lying - that's what I am currently dealing with in my similar marriage (married 5 yrs, no kids - p.s. Italian and from NY too). Feel free to read through my threads. For me the ongoing disrecpect and continous lying has broken the trust in our marriage. I no longer feel happy or proud to be married to my husband. Mainly, because of this feeling, I know it's time to go...


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

If you want to leave, get out NOW, before kids get involved!


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## Anonny123 (Aug 11, 2010)

:iagree:

That's what I'm doing - happy I stalled on the having kids part...


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