# He cheats and cheats and lies and lies, cant leave his ex alone...



## southrnprncess (Dec 1, 2009)

My husband and I just got married 6 months ago and it was rocky from the beginning. He was in a 4 year relationship before he was with me and we eloped and got married. I knew that he still had feelings for this girl still but I was in love with him. The day after we got married I guess the chick called his cellphone distraught from hearing that we were married. As soon as I walked into the door from errands he stated that he had to go somewhere and I gave him the keys to my car because we had just gotten into an accident in his car a few days before. I asked him where he was going and of course he gave me a million different run arounds about where and how long he would be. He left for about 10 minutes and came back. I asked him what happened and he just shrugged me off and went into the room. I looked at his cellphone and went through the messages and saw that his ex emailed him and that he was going to go to her house. I immediately confronted him about it and he had no reason why he was going over there at all. I asked him what he intended to do there and he had no answer. He tried to reassure me that it was nothing and that he felt sorry for her. I let that go and months later when we were living with his mother I found out that he had not told a girl that he had relations with in the past that he was married. She told me on the phone ,after I called the mysterious number back, that she had seen him 3 months after we got married and saw his ring but he denied the marriage. The ex had also been sending him text messages and telling him and staying in contact. She said some loving things to him in these messages. In spite of him being caught then he proclaimed his love then. I took him back then inspite of my feelings about everything. We move back home with some friends of his and try to get on our feet that way. We got into an arguement about something that related to his lies and him cheating and I leave the friends house and move in with my mother. The next couple of days we reconcile our differences and promise to be true to one another and we get back together. I have to mention that he does tell me that he and his ex have had sex and she may be pregnant. I tried to keep my marriage together so I tell him after a dna test we will try to figure things out but she has a miscarraige and the baby is not an issue any more. He stays with his friend and I stay with my mother as we look for a place together. I see him on occasion b/c my mother does not like him much. After about a month of looking and saving we find a place. We move in and everything seems so perfect. I am a house wife and he is a good husband working everyday. After about a week of being in our own home I was holding his cellphone and it rings. Everytime his cellphone rings he is on edge and jumping to answer it. I noticed this number that I had seen before that calls right around the time he gets off for work. He went outside to answer the phone and as I followed he told the female that he would be there in a minute. I asked him who it was and he laughed and said his other girlfriend. I knew that he was trying to be funny so I made him think that I didnt care and shrugged it off. A minute later I went through the phone and called the number back and of course it was the ex saying that she told him to tell me that they have been messing around since we came back into town and that he tells her he doesnt want to be married and blah, blah, blah. He sits there as I have this converstation with his ex and she says that he was not staying with his friend but he was indeed staying with her. I am just hurt and cant do anything but cry. Inspite of that he tells me he loves me and I take him back after a long night of crying and talking to my husband. About a day or so later I find that I am pregnant. Then about 3 days later I go through his phone to see that he has still been communicating with her and sending her text messages saying things like "you want me dont you?". i confront him and tell him that I am having an abortion and that I just cannot continue this relationship anymore. He went to the ex's house and brought her alcohol that night before he came home. He breaks down and crys and pleads with me not to get a divorce. I just feel as though the marriage is completely over. Am I wrong for wanting more, for wanting to end my marriage with this man that just cannot tell me the truth and cannot leave his ex alone, whom by the way sounds so confident about their affair and her position. When I found the txt messages the last time I called her when he was not around and she told me she didnt want him and basically it was all out of fun. I dont want to end a marriage and a oath I took before God but I cannot be with this man...


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## manchild (Nov 9, 2009)

he is a user, and he is a cheat, you know that both of these things are true

in the future he will be a user and a cheat, you also know that those two things are true

it is very unfortunate about the child.......that is a tough one

you are in a hard place and I pray for your deliverance

my gut tells me you should leave........running, but that is your decision


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## southrnprncess (Dec 1, 2009)

I know that what you saying are true manchild but it just made it even more difficult b/c I found out I am pregnant. I can not in all good conscience be w/ this man. I just have to seperate my emotions from what I know that I need to do. I want assurance that what I want to do is okay but no one can assure of something except myself.:scratchhead:


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It sounds like he went into this marriage without commitment from the start. Since he's been carrying on with his ex from day one, I would look into getting the marriage annulled. You deserve a husband that is fully committed to you and your marriage. He does not appear to be that guy.

Only you can decide what is best for your unborn baby, but there are other options besides abortion.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

I know you are hurting and this marriage looks like a failure from the start.

Please do not get an abortion. My mother was 34 when I was born in 1964.  She was a single mom with no job who just left her second husband (my biological father) because he was an abusive drunkard.

She has told me that if abortion was legal in 1964, I would not be here.

I'll just say that both of us are very happy she didn't get an abortion.

If you cannot raise the child, try adoption.


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## excuseme (Dec 1, 2009)

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you,
nothing can make him stay. Stop making excuses for a man and his 
behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to 
be. Slower is better. Never live your life for a man before you find 
what makes you truly happy. 
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle. 
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. 
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better. 
The only person you can control in a relationship is you. Avoid men who've got a bunch of 
children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? 
Always have your own set of friends separate from his. 
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within. 

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... 
even if he has more education or in a better job. 
Do not make him into a aquasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less. 
Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. 
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. 
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you. All men 
are NOT dogs. 
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is two way street. You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. 
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary. 
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right. 
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are and your always readily available to him, he takes it for granted. Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man. (Hallelujah, thank you Jesus!) 
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. 
Keep him in your radar, but get to know others. 
Share this with other ladies. You'll make someone smile, another 
rethink her choices, and another woman prepare. They say it takes a minute to 
find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, and an 
entire lifetime to forget them.


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