# Newly Married and Cheating Spouses



## Phillip9669 (Apr 2, 2013)

I have been married for 5 months to the day I found out my husband has been cheating on me. His best friend has been married 8 months to the day after. My husband and his wife cheated with each other.

C and I have been together for about 5 years and married for 5 months. S and M have been together for 7 years and married for 8 months. I have always hated S, but have been nice for the sake of friendships and C and M have been best friends for 9 years. 

We have all been friends since college and not only have our marriages been destroyed, but friendships have been ruined. 

C and S have been having sex for a month (February). They have done it while M was in the house. S told M that they did it once while I was in the house, but C denys that. 

C and I have been arguing and not having sex for about a month, but I never got to the point where I would have cheated. We have also been great since the beginning of March. S and M are in a similar situation, but worse because she literally does nothing and M just takes care of her. 

C is telling me it was just for the sex and it only happened during February. S is no longer in contact with either of us, but M and I are still conversing to try and figure out why this happened. 

I don't believe in divorce b/c of religious reasons, but I don't know if i can forgive this. 

I am numb. I hate him and then I love him. I want to divorce him, but I want him to stay. I don't want to start over. 

I know I didn't cheat, but I still feel like I failed. 

How do you ever take someone back and gain the trust again? How do you know it will not haunt you forever?

He cheated once before prior to our marriage, at the beginning of the relationship and that took me forever to get over even though I know it was done. 

I am tired of being someone's second choice, but he is ultimately my first choice. 

He is sorry and says he will do whatever I want to do to fix this. 

Is once a cheater always a cheater really true (from a married prospective)?


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Adultery is grounds for a divorce in many religions.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anonim (Apr 24, 2012)

get an annulment.


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## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

anonim said:


> get an annulment.


It's a do over not a divorce!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

One thing I have noticed is that when there's newlywed cheating the couple has either had a long engagement or lived together for several years.

Thus is not a defence of such cheating but an observation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You can likely get annulment at this early time in your marriage. It's not divorce, it's a legal acknowledgement that the person that claimed to marry you did in fact not follow their vows from the start. Essentially it calls out that they fraudulently said their vows.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

It's not a matter of "once a cheater..." anymore. This is the second time that you've caught him. What did you do the last time to fix the relationship? Or did you just sweep things under the rug eventually?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

Why would you want to live your life this way?

You said it best:

"I am tired of being someone's second choice".


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## Leasel (Mar 30, 2013)

Get an annulment. He's cheated on you twice now (that you know of) and will likely do so again, because he can get away with it.


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

Only 1 correct answer. Its not the first time and will not be the last, its over, you have to move on. DO NOT BE AFRAID! SHOW NO FEAR. You will be fine, for you’re respect, dignity and future move on now, don’t wait any longer. The sooner you start the sooner the healing process will better your life. You only have 1 life.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Let see

I caught my wife searching some guy on the internet one month or so before we were married. 

I personally spent 25k on the wedding. Now understand very clear. when I say I personally, I mean ME.. Not her.. Not her family.. ME.. I saved 25k for our wedding. 

She cried and I sucked it up at that time I thought WTF am I going to do. I made myself believe she never met him. 

About 2 years later after our first son was 1 years old. I caught her trying to hook up with the I.T. guy from the brotherhood of sisters of saint joseph of boston. He was basically gonna fly in and fvck her in a motel room 1 week before our wedding anniversary. I even found the cloths she was going to wear to meet him.

We did some crappy counseling and just rug swept it. 

About 7 years ago I caught her emailing her old boyfriend that she went out with before me. Longstory short he was a drug addict that is now a drug counselor in Florida. 

So I guess I have been lucky that I caught her having or trying to have 3 Emotional Affairs but nothing physical.

This time I snapped. We went to a very good therapist / MC. As a friend said to me, He felt we came out of that episode much stronger. I felt it too. We connected much better after that.

Fast forward to Sept 25, 2012. I caught my wife having an Affair both EA and PA. She lied about trying to work it out. 

BTW we have 2 kids now. 13 and 8.

On Dec 30, 2012 I caught her buying the Other man a Xmas present. I had to grill her though to get her to confess. Nothing ever came straight out.

Today we are almost done with the divorce. 

19 years *( 5 years dating, 3 years before engagement, 2 years of putting her through college and paying for it. 14 years of marriage )* down the fvcking tubes except for 2 great kids. If anything this divorce had made me closer with my kids. Go figure.

Be happy you only lost 5 years to find out what a d0uchebag your husband is. 

Get an Annulment, Divorced, Voodoo Witch Doctor, Whatever the fvck you need to do to get out and don't look back.

Print out this thread and show it to him so he can see what a d1ck we think he is. So he can be pissed off that some strangers are telling you to get rid of him. Sadly he will be mad not because your listening. It is because, deep down he knows we are right and he knows what a Piece of Sh1t he is. 

Take the time and think about it. 
5 months after being MARRIED he decided to cheat with his FRIENDS wife of 9 years ?? 
Neither of them has any morals or care for anyone but themselves.
He betrayed his wife and a friend of 9 years ?? So what line does he not cross ? He won't fvck pregnant women ? He won't fvck relatives ? Strangers on buses ?

If his friend is good looking enough for you, Fvck him on the way out the door.

Move on and lesson learned I say. Its hard lesson but at least you didn't waste almost half your life learning it, as I did. Unless you know your husband is going to die in the next few years. Now until the end is a long time to wonder when this will happen again. 

I should have ran the month before the wedding. I should have ran after the first incident. I should have ran 7 years ago. 

Now I am not running. Now I am being tossed aside like I never existed and that is a cold hard fact. Read my story in my signature labeled my mistake. 

You think 5 years is painful, wait until its 20 with kids.. You will feel like it is *UNBEARABLE*. 

I can only tell you it truly feels like 20 years of pain on my chest and in my heart. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. The sad reality is that is what I caught her doing. Who knows how many other there were.


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## goshjosh (Mar 23, 2013)

Please listen to what Hardtohandle is saying. I had a very close friend tell me essentially the same story. You are lucky enough to have a red flag. If you rug sweep, the pattern will repeat. These people are not right, they have mental problems and self-esteem issues. 

Run, don't walk.

Move on with your life and find someone who deserves you.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

How was the cheating discovered? Was your husband overcome with guilt and confess everything to you?

Or did M discover the affair and reveal it to you?

Look through his texts from december through march; emails too. Look at the phone logs as well. It'll reveal more than you may want to know, but it'll be more reliable than your H's word.

Think of the kind of deceit and lack of morals it takes to sex someone WHILE the betrayed spouse is in the same house. Your H must have had such a huge ego boost.

Betraying his two best friends and shattering a marriage didn't occur to him after the first time, or the second, or....

Find a better H, make a better life for yourself.


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## Phillip9669 (Apr 2, 2013)

I live in a state that does not favor annulments. They are very hard to achieve in court. I would most likely have to get a divorce hence my hesitation….


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## Phillip9669 (Apr 2, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> How was the cheating discovered? Was your husband overcome with guilt and confess everything to you?
> 
> Or did M discover the affair and reveal it to you?
> 
> ...



M discovered the affair and told me everything. 

My H has been apologetic and very forth coming. He has provided me with details, a timeline, and anything I ask. 

I still hate him one moment and then miss him another. How long will these flip flopping feelings last? They are truly awful.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

He is a serial cheater, they can't stop. I would bet you only caught him twice but that is just the tip of ghe iceberg. Ask him to take a polygraph test and see how far you get. The answer is annulment. 

Good luck and God bless you


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Oh goodness....you do have a serial cheater on your hands. My H did the same thing to me. When we first lived together he cheated with one of his ex GF's, then once we were engaged he cheated with my co-worker/friend who I let stay with us for a few days. I thought he would see how much pain he put me through with all of that and he said he would never do it again, but low and behold, 6 months later he cheated a week before our wedding with another one of his ex-GF's who he has a daughter with while I was pregnant thinking all was well. AND I married him thinking that he had learned the second time around. 

There's much more to my story, but the point is..if this is his second time, you have a bigger problem on your hands. 

How much remorse has he shown for what he has done? Does he give you any reason to believe that he may not be as sorry as he says he is?


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

I had my first marriage annuled. My first wife was a serial cheater. Annulments are wonderful. I filed it myself at a county courthouse. It cost me around $500. Of course that was back in 1990. And I was a new immigrant who spoke very bad English ha ha.
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