# D-Day=Wedding Anniversary



## sodepressed (May 21, 2016)

Last month was my D-Day on the same day as my 16th wedding anniversary. My husband had a 2 month EA and PA affair with another woman. On the night of our anniversary instead of coming home he spent the night at this woman's house and came home to tell me he had feelings for other woman. For the 2 weeks he promised to end things with her but kept sneaking to contact her and see her. He also took her out to eat the day before my birthday. My teenage daughters figured out what was going on when we started arguing about it and the other woman kept calling. They also heard me crying in my bedroom closet. The day before mother's day I was at work and he promised to pick my youngest daughter up some burgers. Well he was with the other woman and the OW got mad when he had to leave and pick up my daughter dinner. I am so depressed and cry constantly it has been so depressing. I just want to go into my bedroom closet with the lights off and cry my eyes out. On mother's day we got into a big argument and he left the house saying he needed to think. At the same time OW started texting him and said "he needed to divorce me and she deserved better than what my husband was giving her". She also went on to say that she was angry that he kept going back to me and that he needed to make up his mind. Well before she sent those text I told him I was done and he could go to her. In which he responded that he wanted to work on our marriage and said he would end things went her. I didn't believe him this time because he stated before that he would but still contacted her. This time I strongly believe he did because after he ended things with her she started sending me slideshows of various sexual acts between the 2 of them. This occurred on mother's day while I was trying to salvage what was left of my mother's day with my daughters. He has been transparent with me, but I am crushed. Sometimes I just cry and knowing that he spent our anniversary with her is so depressing. Emotionally I am all over the place, but I cannot get it out of my mind. He understands somethings but it has been hard trying to get all the thoughts out of my head. Prior to this happening we had a decent marriage, but the past 2 years had been rough. He experienced many problems at his job with a new supervisor and was eventually forced to resign from his job. At the same time my job picked up and required me to spend much more time away from the home. His parents were also very sick during this time. He has stated that feels immense guilt about everything. My daughters don't want to talk to him, because it was times they wanted him to come home or talk to him at home and he placed them aside for the OW. It did not help that the OW called constantly so they recognized her cell number. They knew exactly what was going on and now rarely want to talk to husband. He is trying to rebuild the marriage. But I am so depressed and just emotionally such a mess. I am struggling to cope and some time I constantly ask what I did to deserve this. I would not wish this pain even on my worse enemy. :crying:


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## sodepressed (May 21, 2016)

Additional information
About a couple weeks prior to D-Day I had my suspicion when I caught him lying about his whereabouts.

He answers my questions, but we tried to watch a movie tonight and I just started crying. He wants to forget about the whole thing, but wants to do marriage counseling. He wants to forget about the whole affair and said he is trying to but I keep bringing it up. 

OW would constantly talk about praying for him and her bible study and talk about how she was a good Christian woman.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Not very christian of her to try to take another woman's husband.

If you want to work things out stay strong, and he needs to understand that it will take a very long time for you to get past this. I hope that he will support you in this and you work on getting past it.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

sodepressed said:


> On the night of our anniversary instead of coming home he spent the night at this woman's house and came home to tell me he had feelings for other woman.


And he KNEW it was your anniversary??? Despicable. Scratch that.... Worse then that, a hate crime. This man hates you. Human decency alone would of made him come home. He has no respect for you. 

I don't understand how you take someone back after this. He is vile and the lowest form of scum. Why would you stay married to a POS like him?!?



sodepressed said:


> He wants to forget about the whole affair and said he is trying to but I keep bringing it up.


This is call "rug sweeping"... a common tactic cheaters use to avoid heavy lifting. IF you are too weak to divorce this garbage you call husband then at least do NOT allow the rug sweeping to happen or he will 100% cheat again.



sodepressed said:


> OW would constantly talk about praying for him and her bible study and talk about how she was a good Christian woman.


Home wrecker and adulterer claiming to be a good Christian LOL? Does lust really make people so deranged. It would be fascinating if it wasn't so sick. She's a filthy wh0re who St. Peter wouldn't let come within 50 feet of the front gate.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sodepressed said:


> Additional information
> About a couple weeks prior to D-Day I had my suspicion when I caught him lying about his whereabouts.
> 
> He answers my questions, but we tried to watch a movie tonight and I just started crying. He wants to forget about the whole thing, but wants to do marriage counseling. He wants to forget about the whole affair and said he is trying to but I keep bringing it up.
> ...


But not one conversant with the Ten Commandants, it would seem.

SD, you are hurting. I think you need to see your doctor for some short term antidepressants and have him arrange some counselling for you and you need to check your daughters out to ensure they are OK.

We will be here for you.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

He seems to think that it is solely his choice whether your marriage survives. You are letting him believe this. It isn't his choice. It is yours. You have to decide whether you will offer him the gift of reconciliation after his lying and cheating and disrespect.

You are in the shock of heartbreak right now and the hurt isn't just going to disappear because he now says that he wants to be home with you.

He betrayed you in the worst way. He has to understand how serious his betrayal was.

I think you should tell him that you don't know whether you want to reconcile yet. Tell him that you are taking some time to let what he has done sink in and that he will have to earn his way back.

Do not be a doormat. Don't let him make these decisions for you. Take your time. Get some counseling for yourself. Find your strength.

As for him, he has to prove that he is absolutely in NC with her. She has to be gone forever. He has to be transparent and honest. Do not let him sweep everything under the rug.

Good luck. I'm sorry for your pain.


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## Emmi (Dec 11, 2015)

I would try to not focus so much on the actual date you found out, it doesn't deserve a place in your memory. The dday was only the day you found out, it was neither the day it started nor ended. If you want to stay with him you need to take your marriage back, your anniversary and your power. You need to explain what you need from him, and how he needs to allow you to process this in a healthy way. 

It is natural for him to want to put it behind him, but it is not the right way to do so. He did this to you, now he needs to help you heal, by answering all your questions, taking all the blame. He should also look into himself and find out what caused him to fail so miserably to learn not to make the same mistake again.

Try to be constructive in the way you work through this. Do things in your own time. If you are not in marriage counselling I strongly recommend that.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my Lady.

Dont blame yourself for his Affair. His job,his parents have nothing to do with his Cheating. He is making excuses for his behaviour.

Him saying to "forget" about it is so wrong and this tells me he got no idea how much he hurt you. 
I dont think you can save this Marriage because your Husband goes back to her every once in a while. He puts her before you and your Daughters. He is still contacting her and to be honest with you he is not trying hard to help you.
Some men are such a fools,sorry.

Dont go into depresion,spend your time with your Daughters or find some hobby.

I hope you saved those pictures for you lawyer but please dont look at them anymore. You dont need to hurt yourself even more.

Stay strong.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

sodepressed 

I don't have much time right now, but what you are feeling is normal considering what you have gone through. Take a few deep breaths and exhale, focus on your daughters and speak with them. I will reply more when time allows tonight, but take solace in that you have found a place where we have been in your shoes. Sometimes just knowing you are speaking to others who have felt your pain helps. The great posters here will help you get through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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