# Wore out from it all



## alaskagirl (Aug 16, 2011)

I've been married for almost 8 years (Aug20) and for six years its been a sexless marriage. If i really begged enough my husband would have sex but it was only to satisfy himself. When we got married I had hoped to have a baby but that has been a dream i had to give up. It was last December before Christmas when we last had sex. He works in a remote alaskan oil field and I live in TN so I only get to see him 12days a month. He usually picks a fight the day I pick him at the airport which makes me stay out of his way for several days. About 45 days ago he was angry because I hadnt mowed the lawn to his liking and since I dont work I take on a lot of the chores. I dont mind that but he said during his anger, "get a job and get the F out" was my breaking point. Something in me just died. 

I havent been attracted to him since he made that hateful statement, I dont even want to sleep in the same bed with him. He knows I'm fed up. Suddenly he has his sex drive back and is demanding it. I just tell him truthfully that I'm not interested. He said I better sleep with him because he wont wait. I've been down this road with him before and he promises to change but as soon as i start feeling happy and secure he goes back to his same behavior.

It feels like he thinks this marriage is all about his wants and needs. As soon as i dont give in to him when he's home he throws a tantrum (he has mental issues and is on meds) and starts breaking stuff. He's trying to intimidate me so I'll behave the way he wants. I'm stuck here though until I get a job. I am wore out from it all. I think divorce is the only way I'll get any peace of mind back... he swears he's been faithful though.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Yes you should move on, and luckily you have no children. find someone who will really love you.


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## alaskagirl (Aug 16, 2011)

I feel like such a failure. This is my second marriage and I thought I had married the man of my dreams, not a perfect man but a man that loved me more than he loved his money or himself. 
As soon as i get a job with a police dept I'm moving. Of course when i tell him that he tries to threaten me with throwing me out on the street, cutting me off financially, and or he has a tantrum and breaks stuff. Then when I dont give in to that he tries crying. Thats the emotion I hate to see and dont know how to handle. We separated once before because he had gotten to where he was shoving me and grabbing me so hard it left bruises but the doc put him on new meds and he seemed better. I found out he lied about that and he had just contained his outbursts till i moved back home. 
I wont look back this time, but it'll probably be a long time before I let a man love me again.


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## Chelly (Jun 24, 2011)

alaskagirl said:


> Then when I dont give in to that he tries crying. Thats the emotion I hate to see and dont know how to handle. We separated once before because he had gotten to where he was shoving me and grabbing me so hard it left bruises but the doc put him on new meds and he seemed better. I found out he lied about that and he had just contained his outbursts till i moved back home.


He is abusing you-- you already know this, right? Crying when he doesn't get his way is PURE manipulation. He knows you hate to see him cry. And then, lying to you about being on meds and controlling his anger until you're back under his control-- again, those are just textbook abuser tactics. The fact that he WAS able to contain his outbursts demonstrates that every time he throws something, every time he yells, or cries, or grabs you-- he knows exactly what he's doing. He isn't some helpless guy who's controlled by his mental problems. He might very well be mentally ill, but don't allow sympathy for his condition to hold you back from leaving once you get a job-- the fact is, he's making you miserable and has made no effort.


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