# Think my Husband is having a Midlife Crisis



## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

Actually he told me that he is a few weeks ago, then he decided he wanted to end our marriage after 24 years. 

I'm not giving up that easy, we went to one counseling session where he picked me apart for an hour. I was confused, I didn't understand how someone would stay with someone if that person (me) was so horrible. 

I also getting very angry , he sends mixed signals and when I ask him about it he says don't take them that way. He says his feelings haven't changed. I won't give up, I have been trying to better myself but it is still very hard. I do everything for him and take care of him and the kids and the house and he does what ever he wants. Sometimes he is very nice usually when the kids are around or when he is high( he smokes pot). 

Any advice , I need to figure something out cause I need to meet with my lawyer if he still wants to go through with this.


----------



## mactam7 (Jan 16, 2011)

You cannot change him, only yourself....Seek counseling, if he refuses fo for yourself. If he decided he wants out there is nothing you can do to stop it, but you can take care of you. It sounds like you have taken care of everyone else but no you. Stand strong and get your ducks in a row. He sounds like he is not happy with himself, and often when that happens people will think if they just get out it will be better on the other side...He to tell you, it doesn't work that way...Again, take care of you!


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Jaded Heart said:


> we went to one counseling session where he picked me apart for an hour. I was confused, I didn't understand how someone would stay with someone if that person (me) was so horrible.


Is your husband involved with someone else? It is very typical for a cheating spouse to find fault with their spouse--like what you are describing.

You may also find the book, _The Five Love Languages_, to be very helpful at this point.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

mactam7 said:


> You cannot change him, only yourself....Seek counseling, if he refuses fo for yourself. If he decided he wants out there is nothing you can do to stop it, but you can take care of you. It sounds like you have taken care of everyone else but no you. Stand strong and get your ducks in a row. He sounds like he is not happy with himself, and often when that happens people will think if they just get out it will be better on the other side...He to tell you, it doesn't work that way...Again, take care of you!


I agree. My wife recently divorced me with what I think is a Mid Life Crisis. Once she made up her mind, there was nothing I could do. I could have promised her the moon at that point and it would have made no difference. Just take care of yourself.


----------



## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

827Aug said:


> Is your husband involved with someone else? It is very typical for a cheating spouse to find fault with their spouse--like what you are describing.
> 
> You may also find the book, _The Five Love Languages_, to be very helpful at this point.


827Aug, thanks for replying. I actually read all your threads from the start to finish last night ! 

I thought he was involved with someone else only because when I left him 5 years ago I was with someone else and I was the same way he is now. Doesn`t want to try, it is over , doesn`t care, doesn`t think he will regret it and so on. I was the same way , I was almost for sure that he was with someone. I asked him a few times and he says no. When the counselor asked him if he was willing to sign a contract saying he would not get involved with anyone for one year in hopes that I can be a better person and maybe we could work through this he said he could do that ! 

The other reason I thought he was doing something was he all of a sudden became so protective of his cell phone. I was not allowed to touch it, if I asked to use it he sat right beside me watching me do whatever. If I asked to use it to call home he had to dial the number for me. Right before Christmas we went to the big city to go shopping and my kids had called. He was driving so he dialed the number for me to call home. Then on the way home my daughter had texted him and instead of handing me the phone to text her he handed it to our older daughter to do it. I have asked him why he is like that and he never answers me . He always has the phone beside him, he most of the time has it in his pocket when he sleeps. Last night he fell asleep without it and I went through it . There was nothing on there, I wish I could go through is bills but it is a company phone so his boss gets the bills. I checked the texting, the incoming calls , out going calls and even checked his contacts. Even to the point I checked the names with the numbers and there was nothing on there. 

A few of my girl friends have said they think he is playing a game with me. That when he feels I have suffered enough then he will stop and we will continue on. Maybe he is and that is why he carries his phone everywhere cause he wants me to think that he is talking to someone. 

Just after Christmas I confided in my sister in law, this is my husbands brothers wife. I was pissed off when I found out that she had meet my husband for coffee and they were talking about what was going on. When I confronted her about it , she was like oh so I can`t talk to him. I was no but I confided in you , it is wrong for you then to go to my husband. To top it off my brother in law and her are having martial problems too. My husband came home after I called my sister in law and freaked and told me that she just about had him convinced to try again and cause I freaked on her he said no way I was a mean B&?&*&


----------



## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Wow! I actually feel sorry for you reading through all of my posts. I have definitely lived through a mid-life crisis from hell though. Hope all of that gave you some insight.

I would say your husband's behavior over the phone is a big red flag. How about how he dresses? Is he changing the way he dresses? Hair style being changed? My estranged husband was hanging out with 20 something year old women, so his style was definitely not looking like a 40 something year old man.

By all means, see an attorney. If your husband is in the grips of a mid-life crisis, you will need to protect yourself financially. A man having a mid-life crisis can go through some major money! That's where I went wrong.


----------



## Jaded Heart (Jan 5, 2011)

827Aug said:


> I would say your husband's behavior over the phone is a big red flag. How about how he dresses? Is he changing the way he dresses? Hair style being changed? My estranged husband was hanging out with 20 something year old women, so his style was definitely not looking like a 40 something year old man.
> 
> .


Nothing like that has changed at all. He has said things like life is boring, he wants to have fun! When the MC asked him what fun he wanted to have it was stuff that he was already doing so I have no idea why that would have a affect on our marriage he pretty well does anything he wants already! 

As for money , up till a few months ago I had control of everything now I don't. He does everything but pay the bills, he thinks I need to do that . It is pretty hard when you don't know how much money you have . I even give him my money so that he has control, I want him to know that I trust hiim!


----------

