# Just found out SO is bi and has cheated on me.



## littleme (Jun 16, 2013)

So, I have been in a long distance relationship for about 2 years now and everything was going great for about a year and then suddenly out of the blue he says he doesn't know how much longer he can take being in a LDR. At the time, both of us were not able to move closer to each other because of work/school. We worked everything out and decided to stay together and try to make it work. Fast forward to today, 8 months later. Everything has been more than perfect and I'm happy and he seems happy as well. I'm visiting him for the new year and my visit has been great so far. Today he leaves for work and I started snooping (I know this is so wrong but I couldn't help myself) and went through his sent e-mails. He has been answering craigslist ads from women seeking male companions for a night. These stretch out for about 3 months in between each one and no telling how far they went as he deleted his inbox and not his sent folder. Some of them I was willing to cut him some slack on because they were during a time we hadn't seen each other in over a year and were going through some problems. But the very last one was the one that was the biggest problem. It November 2013 (just before our most recent visit) and it was him answering an ad for not only a man but a transvestite. I'm not sure how far it went because as far as I can see, he sent his picture to the guy and didn't get a reply. But there was also one other ad that he answered in February 2013 with a man looking for a man and they exchanged a few e-mails. The last one was him asking if the guy wanted to play today, and the guy saying yes. Nothing else.. I'm not sure if they went through with it or not but.. it's clear that my boyfriend is bi and has probably been with other guys.
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## littleme (Jun 16, 2013)

Out of the 9 ads he's answered, 3 of them were gay/trans. The others were women looking for a hookup and one couple looking for a male..
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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Get checked for STDs.

Get a new boyfriend.


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## littleme (Jun 16, 2013)

workindad said:


> Get checked for STDs.
> 
> Get a new boyfriend.


Definitely will be getting checked for STDs when I return home.
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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

Since your not married yet, move on. This is not a situation to get mixed up in, you are just asking for problems in the future.


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

Trust me. Don't marry him or spend anymore time on him. He won't stop and it will only got worse. Thank the heavens for your lucky escape
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## American Arrogance (Sep 5, 2008)

My ex husband was doing the same thing, cruising craigslist for men. And yes he eventually met up and had sex. It has been a long 6 years and he continues to do it. He calls himself a bottom. He now has a new girlfriend with a child and still intimately involved with men and she doesnt know (well I tried to tell her and he told her I was lying but I have proof). Either way, its a headache and something you should run from fast and far. You will be happier. Also think of it like this, you can never satisfy an urge he has.


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## littleme (Jun 16, 2013)

I told him I knew about all of it and he told me thinks he has a porn addiction. Sometimes it gets bad enough that straight porn doesn't do the trick. He says he finds himself looking at bondage, gay porn, you name it. He also said that when I'm around he doesn't have the urge to do it. The problem is, is that we don't live near each other and I won't always be there. He also said he hasn't had sex with any of the people he's chatted up on craigslist and that he's gone as far as meeting up with 2 guys and turned away. The thought of being with a guy disgusts him and when he turns away, he's relieved as if he's dodged a bullet.

I'm all screwed up in the head right now. I can't believe this is real. He has never ever shown an interest in men or that he was gay. It's almost as if I'm talking about a separate person. He swears he isn't gay and he says that it isn't him. 

I'm not sure if the porn addiction has caused him to have gay tendencies? Or if he is truly gay or bi and doesn't want to admit it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Not married? Got no children? In a relationship with someone who could cheat on you with men or women, depending on how he feels at any particular moment? Then you need *this*!:

*Run like the wind!
*


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

littleme said:


> I told him I knew about all of it and he told me thinks he has a porn addiction. Sometimes it gets bad enough that straight porn doesn't do the trick. He says he finds himself looking at bondage, gay porn, you name it. He also said that when I'm around he doesn't have the urge to do it. The problem is, is that we don't live near each other and I won't always be there. He also said he hasn't had sex with any of the people he's chatted up on craigslist and that he's gone as far as meeting up with 2 guys and turned away. The thought of being with a guy disgusts him and when he turns away, he's relieved as if he's dodged a bullet.
> 
> I'm all screwed up in the head right now. I can't believe this is real. He has never ever shown an interest in men or that he was gay. It's almost as if I'm talking about a separate person. He swears he isn't gay and he says that it isn't him.
> 
> I'm not sure if the porn addiction has caused him to have gay tendencies? Or if he is truly gay or bi and doesn't want to admit it.


Porn addiction can't cause anyone to develop gay tendencies. Or to cheat, for that matter.


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## JohnSebastian (Dec 24, 2013)

Look littleme, if it was a one-time thing, and then you patched it up, fine. But this seems like it will continue. I would consider you deserve a man who is "into you".


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

He is gas lighting you. I remember years ago I caught my husband looking at a swinger website. He said he was curious and I stupidly believed him. Eight years later I found out he's met up with people and he did not turn away.

Honey, he didn't turn away either. There's something called cheaters script. They will minimize their activity. Take it from me as I was 23 when I met him. I'm now 37 with a kid and you can't get thirteen years back. Count your blessings it's only 2 years and move on with your life. If he was so into you, he wouldn't be on Craigslist.
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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Once again, cruising CL for sex hookups is not a "porn" problem. I am really amazed so many women fall for this BS. I don't care if he is bi, straight or just curious, he's CHEATING.

Looking for ONS w/ strangers is not being faithful.

Really sorry you are going through this.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

He probably isn't lying about not having an interest in that stuff when you are around, especially when you are together so rarely, but the interest is there and it will never go away, whether you are together or not. He needs to admit he has a problem, and commit to accountability.


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