# Got seperated on New Years Day... im scared



## hopefulbutscared (Jan 4, 2010)

I kicked my husband of 10 years out. had a fight just before midnight on new yearrs eve. We have been having problems for some time now. we dont get along, he is always in a bad mood and takes it out on me & the children. We rarely have intimate relations, like once maybe every few weeks. He is insanely jealous and had become so unsocial & boring yet i love him or atleast think i do maybe im just scared to let go. I had to make a choice live unhappy or leave him & find hapiness. I have kicked him out twice before, but after a few days i become weak and scared and i let him come back. I am trying to avoid this at all costs. This is not an option I cant keep doing this to myself or my children. We have 1 biological child together & I have 2 children from another relationship. He raised them, we met when the girls were 3 & 5 and they considered him to be "DAD" however within the past few years that the girls are older and have their hormonal attitudes he has not been treating them the same and he's been distant with them and favoring his son and now they hate him and ive been stuck in the middle. We are just all unhappy. I know that its best if we just end it, but it still hurts so bad even with all he's done to me emotionally I cant stop crying. I am scared that i will never find love again and I am still young, im 31 and i consider myself pretty & in good shape and even though i am confident in my looks, i am still scared to death at being alone & scared i will never be able to love again. ...................... He just called, he is being nice... looking for excuse to call me, asking me if i locked all the doors, why does he do this, I dont want him to be nice..... I want to be angry, so i can be strong. I have to mentally prepare myself, bcuz i know he is going to kneal to me & cry to take him back and as much as I love him I cant I just cant, it will just be history repeating itself again yeah it will probably be good for a few days and then boom the vicious cycle would begin again so I know I cant let him manipulate me into taking him back... Any tips or any advice on how to feel better will be greatly appreciated!!!

Lost & Confused


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

First of all... welcome to the board. We all have our reasons for meeting up here and sharing our stories. However, holiday break-ups seem to hurt just a little more. 

If your husband is verbally abusive then maybe some sort of anger management may be in order for him. There has to be some reason as to why he is doing and saying the things that he is doing and saying. I agree that no one should have to endure this kind of abuse... or any abuse for that matter.

Maybe he needs time to be away from his family to reconsider his values and put some of these things in perspective. Do not be so willing to cave in due to you missing him or him telling you that it is going to be different this time. You both need time to cool off.

As for not finding someone else later on in life... you have plenty of time to consider that. Right now, you have children who need their mother to be strong to help guide them through this. Stay focused and everything else will fall into place.

Please keep us informed and I hope the best for you.


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## dumped4another (Dec 16, 2009)

Like DS said, welcome to this board. This is a positive step in the right direction. There's A LOT of us out here going through pretty much the same thing, so you are not alone. My W has been treating me like a disease for the past year and I've been really down about myself over the whole thing for about a year now. It does get better, you might not believe that now, but it does. Be strong for yorself and your children. If the relationship is abusive in ANY way, get out of it. You have to believe there is something better for you out there. You have to believe you are worthy of that. Keep posting here. We're all behind you.


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## Confused1979 (Jan 4, 2010)

I fall into the same trap everytime I have kicked my husband out or I have left....he always gets me to come back. I have 3 kids myself and I work nights and he works days. My husband always says if we seperate/divorce he can't "bear" to see the kids....which hurts me because I know they would want to see him. I have noone to watch my kids which ultimately puts me in a bad situation too....I can totally imagine my life without him but at the same time he brings up all these points that make me think I can't do it on my own. I can understand where your coming from...I can agree and say stay strong but I know how you feel and its really really hard. Good luck either way...I hope it works out best for you and your kids.


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## hopefulbutscared (Jan 4, 2010)

thank u guys for the replies it helps to know i am not the only one. I'm still going through the motions back & forth from ok to balling out crying. He has called me more than 20 times today for random reasons, I know that he is trying to weasle his way back in, i have responded in a dry manner not showing any weakness. Question: should i not answer his calls, what do i do. Even though im not planning on taking him back, it kinda makes me feel better when he calls. I dont know I am so confused. I need to be strong I keep telling myself!!!

hopefulbutscared:scratchhead:


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

We are here for you Hopefulbutscared, I sure don't have any answers but have empathy for your situation and am willing to listen. Maybe you can both get counseling. Maybe he should read this board so he knows the kind of pain people are in here and why they are in pain.


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## hopefulbutscared (Jan 4, 2010)

does it get worse before it gets better??? I dont know wht the hell im feeling.... I am so emotional about everything. Everything reminds me of something... I feel like I cant do anything without having a memory and messed up thing is i remember the good times and not the bad. This really sucks!!!!


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Hopeful/scared. It is normal to be all over the place emotionally when you go from sharing a life with someone to nothing. Spend more time with the girls to keep your mind occupied. Have a slumber party and do your nails. Watch a funny movie. Play some board games. I must have played 30 games with my 12 yr old. If your religious read psalms, its full of promises. Dont expect to feel better right away but stay busy and allow yourself to feel how your feeling without thinking somethings wrong with you. Keep posting. Hugs to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hopefulbutscared (Jan 4, 2010)

thanks... ima try to keep busy.... he keeps calling me though throughout the day and im not sure if this helps me... i dont know how to tell him that i need my space and im not even sure if i do, it may just make feel worse. im just feel so sad & lonely that a call from him makes feel better, but at the same time im scared its not going to help me heal in the long run. Dont know what to do...


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