# Taker Or Giver



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Just wondering As it seems in a relationship You could have one who is a taker and one that is a giver. And possibly two that are givers. My question is ??? Do you find that there is correlation between the person that is HD and that they always the giver.
It would seem to me that it follows suit. A Giver in life is someone that has a desire to share,give,contribute,to others and gains something from it.A giver is someone who is pleasured by giving to others. It just seems to me and I am sure I could be dead wrong that LD people have little desire to pleasure others in there life. Is there any sense to this ???


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*It has been my experience that a truly loving, successful and committed relationship has each partner unselfishly striving to give, as well as to take, in incremental portions!

Without that, you'll have a seriously imbalanced relationship, and largely will be sailing the seas of marital trouble and discord!*


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Nope. I have been with a super duper HD who was a taker allllllllllllllllllll the way. It sucked so bad. When someone takes all the time and never gives = imbalanced relationship.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

An LD can absolutely be the giver in the relationship. They would just be giving in other ways, i.e. providing for their family, giving emotional support, etc.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I have to guess that there is no strong correlation between sex drive and being giving.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex-husband was very high drive. Very. And he was absolutely a taker.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Nope. I have been with a super duper HD who was a taker allllllllllllllllllll the way. It sucked so bad. When someone takes all the time and never gives = imbalanced relationship.


My STBW's ex-husband was extremely HD, and a taker all the way. That dynamic pushed her drive way down. It was the same dynamic that drove my marriage sexless. Both my STBW and I are givers, and together, we are both hyper drive.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

If you play it right, you can both be takers.

This is actually a concept in the Marriage Builders program, by the way. It is kinda complicated to explain, and they mean it in general, not in the sex part of a relationship...but it applies to both. The thing is that if you are a giver, you will eventually feel resentful. But if you are a taker, you won't. So if you both satisfy your taker, neither will be resentful.

Two takers can both get what they want, again, if you play it right.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

LD & HD have not correlation to giver & taker that I can see except that an LD taker and an HD taker would be a disaster. They both would feel entitled to what they want.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well two LD's can be takers and be happy!

And two HD's can be takers and be happy.

So once again...the only real problem is when there is a mismatch.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Just Wondering said:


> Just wondering As it seems in a relationship You could have one who is a taker and one that is a giver. And possibly two that are givers. My question is ??? Do you find that there is correlation between the person that is HD and that they always the giver.
> It would seem to me that it follows suit. A Giver in life is someone that has a desire to share,give,contribute,to others and gains something from it.A giver is someone who is pleasured by giving to others. It just seems to me and I am sure I could be dead wrong that LD people have little desire to pleasure others in there life. Is there any sense to this ???


You may have nailed it. LD's may want to pleasure certain people...


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> If you play it right, you can both be takers.
> 
> This is actually a concept in the Marriage Builders program, by the way. It is kinda complicated to explain, and they mean it in general, not in the sex part of a relationship...but it applies to both. The thing is that if you are a giver, you will eventually feel resentful. But if you are a taker, you won't. So if you both satisfy your taker, neither will be resentful.
> 
> Two takers can both get what they want, again, if you play it right.



I understand what you are getting at here. I suppose I can also be considered a taker in that I know how, and do use my partners body for my own pleasure, and that comes completely naturally at an almost subconscious level because well, I know what I want, and I know how to get it while at the same time allowing her to take from me what she needs. Yes, I am giving to her, but I am also folowing her lead in what she wants.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I am not a fan of people who never give. It turns me off.



samyeagar said:


> My STBW's ex-husband was extremely HD, and a taker all the way. That dynamic pushed her drive way down. .


And I totally get that. Resentment is a surefire libido killer



samyeagar said:


> It was the same dynamic that drove my marriage sexless. *Both my STBW and I are givers, and together, we are both hyper driv*e.


I am so glad to hear that. :smthumbup:


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## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Plus I feel as a HD male and a Giver Married to a LD female who is a Taker. I tend to give more to the relationship to try and win her.But I have learned that by giving so much of me to her does not win me anything. Meaning its not going to make her HD getting things from me. That does not resolve the issue. 
I have felt for yrs. that the more I give to her and the better husband I became,The more She would charge from being LD. Well I am to tell ya Not happening. As I have read and have listened to on this site. Being a nice spouse will not get you laid.


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I am a giver and the HD in my marriage. MMSLP is working on getting her more HD. There is no nicing her to put out. just saying.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I don't think you can correlate sex drive with generosity; they seem to be separate traits. You can have an HD giver who has sex because he or she wants it. You can have an LD giver who has sex to meet your needs and make you happy.

I will agree, though, that if an LD person won't strive to meet your need, that person is a taker in addition to being LD.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Just Wondering said:


> Just wondering As it seems in a relationship You could have one who is a taker and one that is a giver. And possibly two that are givers. My question is ??? Do you find that there is correlation between the person that is HD and that they always the giver.
> It would seem to me that it follows suit. A Giver in life is someone that has a desire to share,give,contribute,to others and gains something from it.A giver is someone who is pleasured by giving to others. It just seems to me and I am sure I could be dead wrong that LD people have little desire to pleasure others in there life. Is there any sense to this ???


My wifee and I both took the 5 love languages quiz together. She is Acts of Service and I am Physical. Now this makes sense to us. She loves to please me and I love all her physical sensations.

For now, she wants to always please me. Who am I to complain?

But as her weight comes off, she will eventually want me to please her and make up for 14 years of being insecure about herself. I am ready!!!

Ideally, it should be 50 / 50 in a healthy relationship though.

And for now, my LD wifee, who is now Average Drive, due to on going weight loss, still only wants to please me and won't let me please her yet. But she is doing things she would normally never do because of the on going weight loss and coming out of her shell. Time will tell....


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