# Do we still have a chance?



## ChrisBlues

Hello everyone,

I would like to share my story, sorry in advance if it is too long.

Me and my partner have been together for 3 and a half years. It was not your common relationship, we started as coworkers and moved to my place directly after breaking up with his ex. Soon after that I bought a new place, we moved in together and he has been the most helpful and kind man.

It was all good in the beginning, but about two years in the relationship problems started. We did not have any major problems, no cheating or anything on that level happened, but we were not on the same page, and I take the blame for most of it. He took some extra responsibilities to help me, but I did not know how to appreciate it and blamed him for not spending enough time together etc. He tried to show me what I could change, so we can get along better, him being more experienced (I am now 24 and him 29)... but I did not really listen. Things started getting worse and after about another year he started considered leaving. I was desperate at that point as I realised my mistakes and I tried to do everything to make him change his mind.. but he had already lost his trust.

He told me multiple times that he stayed with me many months after he made his mind about leaving to help me get used to the idea and to make things easier for me, but I kept having hope and trying to get him back.. because we were still close, we had moments when we were the perfect couple during those hard times. He was saying that he wants us to remain friends, because he trusted me. But in the last month things started getting more tense, since he started looking for another place to live, and he started seeing another girl from his highschool (he was still living with me at that point, but the relationship was pretty much over), 

I was jealous, even though I did not have any right to be, and said some bad things to him... and during the last week he stayed over at her... All the time he said that he wants space, that he does not want another woman in his life, that he needs time for himself. But now he sees that girl and says that he is not sure if they will get together or not... but I am not sure if I believe him.

Now he says that he does not want to keep in touch anymore, because of the fights we had in the last week and because he sais it is unfair to this other woman.

All this time I hoped that maybe after some time apart and being friends, all the bad feelings will go away and maybe we could get back together... but now I am not sure anymore. I know he loved me dearly, and I feel that he is the love of my life, we discussed so many times during those last months, and cried so many times together, sad that it could not be another way... but he says that he can't see a future with me and that he does not love me anymore like he used to. But in the same time there were moments when he hinted me that we do not know what the future awaits for us, just like... it may still be a chance. 

Now we are at his parents for Easter, but he keeps talking to this girl, and tomorrow he will come to get his things from home. His parents hoped that we would get back together, tried to discuss with us, because we got really close to his family, but nothing made him change his mind.

I only hope that there will be another chance for us, so I can have the chance to show him that I understood and regret my mistakes, and that we can be happy together and have a family. But I am afraid that he will get into a serious relationship with this woman and I won't be able to do anything anymore. 

Please trust me, he is a very kind man, he will go to any extent to help other, even if it hurts him, and he is tired and hurt of not receiving back the same...

Sorry for the looong post, and please give me some advice, do we still have a chance? If yes, what should I do to make us get close again instead of pushing him away even more?


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## arbitrator

*First off, both of you have problems that need working on. You've stated yours and are a noble lady for having the fortitude to realize what yours are and for how to try to handle them!

What you initially did to him unfortunately had a hand in ultimately driving him away to the point that he hooked up with an old HS girlfriend and had seemingly deserted you for her.

That brings me back to his problems, which at the forefront appears to be immaturity in that he cannot seem to take loving criticism from a lady that he professes to love!

Because until such time that he does something about it, having him around you would make your life an insecure living hell! If he can't comply with that, then I'd say "Good riddance!" Most of the fault should be aimed at him and not necessarily at you!

You are a good and honest woman and you deserve far better treatment than what he's giving you!

At this point, I'd recommend that you get into individual counseling (IC) and try to get over him, as I'm somewhat convinced that he's moved on, an act that he probably exercises with frequency, once he lets himself get "too close" to somebody!

Best of luck to you my dear!*


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## SunCMars

You took him from his EX, you abused him a bit, another women took him from you.

This is musical chairs, with peoples butts and lives sitting atop them.

Too much drama for 'too old' folks.





KB-


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## Openminded

No, I don't think you do. 

Let him go and move on.


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## ChrisBlues

SunCMars said:


> You took him from his EX, you abused him a bit, another women took him from you.
> 
> This is musical chairs, with peoples butts and lives sitting atop them.
> 
> Too much drama for 'too old' folks.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> KB-


I don't think 3 and a half years can be resumed to that. We both had the best intentions and our share of mistakes, we were both hurt from this, it just happens that I did some things that hurt him more than it would hurt your average guy. But I did not by any means take him from his ex, it was over with her before that. And also in our case, the relationship was sort of over, since he was planning to move out this month either way, even before starting to discuss with that woman. 


To sum up my previous long post, I meant that even before this other lady appeared around, I was willing to do my best to reconcile with him, only that now I am not sure anymore if I still stand a change. And most may say it is not worth it, but knowing what I know about him and about the years we spent together, I am willing to give it a shot even if one or both of us may not deserve it. 

And that's why I was asking IF you guys think there could still be a chance, and if yes, HOW it would be best to approach this situation.

Thank you a lot!


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## SunCMars

Christiana



> IF you guys think there could still be a chance, and if yes, HOW it would be best to approach this situation.


Admit your mistakes, lay them all out. 
Tell him he is the one for you.

While doing this telling...
Do so, with a very strong hug, your nose about three inches from his.

Having a few 'real' tears while talking, should help.



KB-


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## MattMatt

ChrisBlues said:


> I don't think 3 and a half years can be resumed to that. We both had the best intentions and our share of mistakes, we were both hurt from this, it just happens that I did some things that hurt him more than it would hurt your average guy. But I did not by any means take him from his ex, it was over with her before that. And also in our case, the relationship was sort of over, since he was planning to move out this month either way, even before starting to discuss with that woman.
> 
> 
> To sum up my previous long post, I meant that even before this other lady appeared around, I was willing to do my best to reconcile with him, only that now I am not sure anymore if I still stand a change. And most may say it is not worth it, but knowing what I know about him and about the years we spent together, I am willing to give it a shot even if one or both of us may not deserve it.
> 
> And that's why I was asking IF you guys think there could still be a chance, and if yes, HOW it would be best to approach this situation.
> 
> Thank you a lot!


Actually, @ChrisBlues, I think @SunCMars has a point. But the problem might reside with your boyfriend.

He leaves one relationship and immediately hooks up with you, probably having already lined you up for his next lover.

Now he has left the relationship with you, but having already lined up his next lover.

I think he might not be as kind, loving and wonderful as you might have thought and he might not be worthy of you keeping him in your life.


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## sokillme

You should separate and let everything cool down. Maybe then you can be friends if you can get used to him not being your partner, which is a big if. Maybe with time you might not want to be friends. Detach and heal first.


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## zookeeper

He's gone. Don't mistake his cowardice for anything else. He is afraid to make the clean break he should. In essence, he is using you to ease the transition. 

The sooner you cut your ties with him the sooner you can start getting on with your life.


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