# Mrs. Unhappily Married



## CarlieS27 (Apr 21, 2020)

I only recently married my husband not even a full 6 months ago and we are already having problems. Most of these issues I caught a glimpse of before we married but it’s like after We said I do, the problem became much worse. Here’s an example, I’m very sexual in nature and he can care less for sex. Once we even went 2 months no sex. I didn’t cheat I just continued to please myself. He will wait until he’s tired to come to bed then next thing I know the man is out cold snoring so loudly I need ear plugs. I love him with all my heart but I am so sexually frustrated. I feel as though he controls our entire sex life and I’m fed up. I feel like I only have 3 options: 1) stay committed to my husband and be sexually frustrated our entire relationship. 2) find a man that can satisfy me. 3) divorce because neither 1 or 2 is fair to either of us.
I have genuinely tried I just don’t think he cares to share his body only when he feels like it.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Have you tried explaining how this makes you feel to him? If so, how did it go?


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## Pagg55 (Mar 19, 2019)

Have you talked to him about the issue before? Or have you tried spicing things up in the bedroom at all? Maybe waking him up with oral or doing something out of the ordinary.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Be blunt about it to him. Not with a negative attitude but with a sexy attitude make a plan, tell him every night for at least 5 nights that you'll be naked and in bed, if he's watching tv, do it early.

If no response just keep it up for the allotted nights, and you can look back and evaluate after a period.

Should be at least five nights and a morning, for this test run.

Just see if anything changes. The results will also help you with any future decisions.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

I'm kind of old school in the sense that I think that marriage vows should mean something.
Therefore, you work it out together or divorce and go your separate ways.
Yes, change is a process, not an event.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

The existing evidence is that I would do A. Stay committed to the relationship even though you’re unhappy. I guess the next question is would I do it again? I've said I would never marry again, but since I'm still married it is just words. 
At least I had the first two decades. 
I would NOT advise following my example. 
If you really love him with all your heart, call a sex therapist. Something is wrong that likely needs an expert to diagnose and treat.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

I think your poll should have 4 options. I interpret the 3 options above as: 1) Stay committed and give up on having a good sex life, 2) Stay married but cheat to get your sexual needs fulfilled and 3) Divorce and find someone who you are sexually compatible with. The option that you also need to have available is 4) Stay committed AND work with your husband to get the sex life together that you both deserve. Since you are recently married, you should automatically go to option 4 and exhaust the possibility of the sexual incompatibility cannot be solved. Don't cheat because it's the band aid solution that will only cause pain and misery to the both of you long term. IF your husband won't work on the sexual incompatibility - then decide whether you can accept marriage with him where your sex life is unfulfilling OR divorce and start over with someone else. 

As others have already wrote: COMMUNICATE your displeasure with how things are AND try to work on it TOGETHER.


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## luxxlife (Apr 22, 2020)

I am in a similar situation, but been together for 6 years. He blames it on not feeling well or being tired yet jacks off. I have determined it is his own laziness. Now that he feels comfortable and stable he doesn't put in effort towards sex. However, when I push boundaries and purposely do things that are near cheating to get him upset, then he wants sex. If you get to that point and yours does the same.. I would leave if you do not have children but it is a different game when you do.


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## CarlieS27 (Apr 21, 2020)

luxxlife said:


> I am in a similar situation, but been together for 6 years. He blames it on not feeling well or being tired yet jacks off. I have determined it is his own laziness. Now that he feels comfortable and stable he doesn't put in effort towards sex. However, when I push boundaries and purposely do things that are near cheating to get him upset, then he wants sex. If you get to that point and yours does the same.. I would leave if you do not have children but it is a different game when you do.


This is exactly what I believe is going on. In the beginning we would have sex 8x a day and now I’ll be lucky if it’s 8x a year. He is completely comfortable now that we are married and “stuck” with each other and any effort he put into the relationship in the beginning has completely gone out the window in every area. It really sucks because I really do love him and want this to work but I’m just not happy and I can’t make myself be happy when my needs are not even close to being met. I’ve never wanted to cheat on someone so badly but at the same time don’t want to betray us like that so I feel stuck. He’s a good guy but I guess not the right one for me. That’s my own damn fault for thinking love was enough to sustain a relationship. Boy was I wrong. Thank you everyone for your advice and kind words. This is not an easy thing to deal with.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Don't know your ages, responsibilities or medications y'all might be taking. Before you divorce, insist that he have a complete physical evaluation including testosterone check. 

Going from 8 times a day (who initiated) to avoiding sex could have many causes, but one is that he is avoiding you because he can't continue to meet your sexual needs. Compromise might be in order. Six months is a short time--y'all need to work on better communication pronto.


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## 343663 (Apr 22, 2020)

@CarlieS27 @luxxlife 
Limited sex from a man likely means he's interested in other things. If your husband is going off to masterbate, or heaven forbidden just rejects sex with you all together, then there is something else going on.

From a male's perspective, just on sex, i want to f+×* my wife. But as I've said before, it's too vanilla. So I've done the wrong thing and have looked elsewhere. 

If your husband's no longer interestrd in you then i doubt it's something that can be solved by medication. Sorry to disagree @sunsetmist . 

Seed is about want and desire. And in both cases it stings like the husband had become complacent with life. Expecting either to just show up and sex be available, or believe that his wife is willing to wait, denying herself the pleasures, for him. 

I hate complacency. Talk to your man about what you want. Be up front. Don't hold back. I find it sexy when a woman tells me wgat she wants, maybe ypur husbands feel the same. If not, and they aren't sipped into action by the mere talk of sex, then ... well ... The outcome looks bleak. Find someone who CAN fulfill all your needs.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

CarlieS27 said:


> I only recently married my husband not even a full 6 months ago and we are already having problems. Most of these issues I caught a glimpse of before we married but it’s like after We said I do, the problem became much worse. Here’s an example, I’m very sexual in nature and he can care less for sex. Once we even went 2 months no sex. I didn’t cheat I just continued to please myself. He will wait until he’s tired to come to bed then next thing I know the man is out cold snoring so loudly I need ear plugs. I love him with all my heart but I am so sexually frustrated. I feel as though he controls our entire sex life and I’m fed up. I feel like I only have 3 options: 1) stay committed to my husband and be sexually frustrated our entire relationship. 2) find a man that can satisfy me. 3) divorce because neither 1 or 2 is fair to either of us.
> I have genuinely tried I just don’t think he cares to share his body only when he feels like it.


I think it depends on a number of points like 
1 How old you are. If you are in your late twenties then you my need to think hard because the issue has started too early. If you are in your mid fifties you may have married after being set in your ways for a while so discussing may help. 
2 What job he does. If he is in a very stressful job then expect problems. Think about helping him get a different job.
3 His level of understanding if the issue. If you have not discussed it in full, he may think you appreciate that he is waiting for you to initiate while you are waiting for him. 
4 How healthy he is. He may be low in testosterone, maybe overweight, other unknown conditions. He needs a medical 
5 Might he be gay?
6 Might he be having an affair? 
7 Might he have married you just because it was the thing to do but he was not bothered either way? 

There are too many variables so the first point would be to discuss the matter in full before any options are listed or pronounced.


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## DeEva (Apr 28, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> I'm kind of old school in the sense that I think that marriage vows should mean something.
> Therefore, you work it out together or divorce and go your separate ways.
> Yes, change is a process, not an event.


you are right


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MW Davis has some good books, the Sex Starved Marriage and Divorce Busting are just two. Her approach is that you can't change your spouse, but you can change yourself and that will change the dynamic in your relationship. She urges self improvement, "Getting a Life" (which is code words for making yourself a better and more interesting and sexy you), doing 180's, figuring out what part of the problem is you (yes, often times you are part of the problem and figuring it out is a big part of the solution).

Right now there are lots of people who find that they have mortgages, car payments, financial commitments and their jobs are at risk. Stress can be a huge negative on a marriage and on sex within a marriage.

Good luck. I would hang in there until the pandemic ends and the two of you have had some recovery time.


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## desiresmore (Oct 15, 2013)

Personally, since the marriage is so young still - I would say get some targeted sex therapy. If you two can’t find a way to mutually meet each other’s needs (sexual needs are perfectly valid) then I would suggest nullifying the marriage. Trust me, speaking from someone who’s lived in a sexually neglected situation for nearly 22 years - its no way to live! You will live a miserable life if day by day for the rest of your life you don’t feel wanted sexually and have your sexual needs met. Some may not agree and thats fine. I’m just telling you my opinion based on decades of experience.


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