# Men and Money



## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So it looks like I'm going to step into a new position that will put me a good bit above my husband in salary. :smthumbup:

He does pretty well, I'm just in a higher paying field; he says he doesn't care and thinks it's great and for sure he benefits from all of my income. But I wonder if secretly it's going to bother him? Guy, what do you think? Does it bother you if your wife makes more than you? We have a good relationship and he does lots of typical guy stuff like the yardwork/car stuff/watches lot of sports/etc. 
Opinions?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Not a guy but I do make more money than DH.He's totally fine with it.I think it depends on the woman honestly.If her higher income doesn't go to her head then the man will be ok imo.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I think it would be great if my wife was to make more money than I.

The problem arises when one of the following happens.
- person don't contribute their 1/2
- it gets to their head and they play mind games on the subject with SO
- they live beyond their means 

At the end of the day, your money is his money and the other way around. 

Don't look at it as "haha, I make more money", look at it as "our family income has increased".

PS. Congrats


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Some men probably care. The thing about men is you can ask them questions and usually get answers. Men care about respect, admiration etc.... So where this income disparity comes into play is if it causes a wife to lose respect and admiration... If it cuases a wife to become too caught up in her job and job status, if it cuases a wife to shut down sexually beucase she no longer respects and is too stressed out over her job.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I agree with Scarlet.

If the relationship is good and money has never been an issue , then whatever problem might arise with him , can easily be solved.

The problems men have with a wife who makes more than them lies somewhere along the spectrum between two extreme positions.

One where the wife makes much more , the husband becomes super comfortable , sits at home all day ,plays Xbox and depends on the her for everything.
The other where he becomes upset and becomes resentful for no other reason than his selfish ego and pride.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I'm a public worker so I rarely ever make more money than any woman I am with. So no for me personally it doesn't matter so long as they don't hold it over my head

Congrats on new position


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I wanted to add that I think a man's reaction will depend on his comfort level in his own career. If he's frustrated,overworked,and underpaid he may have a more difficult time swallowing any resentment or jealousy that may stem from his wife making more money.
DH is definitely underpaid but oddly enough,he seems proud that I make what I do.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

My wife has never made more than me but if she did it wouldn't bother me. I've always done at least half of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, and laundry as well I didn't see my better salary as a reason to contribute less on the home front. 

If my wife were to pass me in salary and then use that as an excuse to contribute less at home, THAT would be a huge problem.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. I feel better that it's not a big deal.
It would never occur to me to hold anything over his head as I'm not that kind of person; he never did when he made more. We are very much equals in our day to day life. I've never been all that concerned with money anyway; I don't shop much and don't feel the need to spend a lot, I just happen to like and be good at nerd stuff that not a lot of people do so companies are willing to pay a lot for it. 

I grew up with a pretty stingy father so I'm just happy I've got money for healthy food and if I lose a job or decide to take time off it's no big deal. I save a lot, put a lot away for my kids schooling, and whenever hubby and I feel like doing something the money is almost never an issue. He feels like I do with money so we have no argument there.

He's a great guy that I respect a lot, and I've never felt that money was a means to judge anyone. I look more at intellect and accomplishment, which he has both of. He's a sharp, witty guy with a masters degree /good job (I have two bachelors degrees) that handles business, takes care of himself, and is very giving so what else could I ask for?

Thanks too for the congrats!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's really all about how he's treated. If you remind him or throw it in his face or use it in arguments then ya it's going to be an issue. But if you still treat him like he's the man of the house, then it's not much of an issue. I think anyway....not really sure because I make 15 times my wife's income.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My wife doesn't earn a dime. It'd be completely cool with me if she made ten times my salary as long as she didn't rub it in my nose.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

WorkingOnMe said:


> It's really all about how he's treated. If you remind him or throw it in his face or use it in arguments then ya it's going to be an issue. But if you still treat him like he's the man of the house, then it's not much of an issue. I think anyway....not really sure because I make 15 times my wife's income.


Wouldn't she be the man of the house if she made more?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

ebp123 said:


> Wouldn't she be the man of the house if she made more?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Define "man of the house" first

What does that mean, exactly.

In general, there is only one man and one woman in a usual relationship. And no, woman can never be a man.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

ebp123 said:


> Wouldn't she be the man of the house if she made more?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then he would become the woman of the house?!  Sounds like you're either joking or calling out the expression "the man of the house"?


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

It depends.

One, all men are different. One man may not care, another might.

My wife actually makes more than I do. She has insurance at her job plus 401k. I dont have either. Once those are taken out, my check is actually a tiny bit more.

It never bothered me that she made more because both of our incomes are high enough to not worry about it. Now, if I lost my job and had to take a job that paid, say, half of what I make, then it probably would bother me.

Point is, if things go wrong in either of our jobs, the others pay could keep us afloat. If my pay ever got so low that it didnt, I would have a problem with it.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

I am in that situation.

Before the recession, I had a good salaried job and probably made as much or more than her (she's an RN). had not met her yet.

After the recession, I'm self employed and have to scrounge up work on a monthly basis. I'm not in the tech field, so not making the big bucks people seem to make in that. I'm in one of the professions that has prestige but has been kicked in the @ss in this crumby economy.

I've been making 1/2 to 2/3 of what I made before the recession.

Wife has no problem with it. Has never made an issue out of it, even if we are a bit squeezed lately. We live in So Cal too which is expensive as the ****ens.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

^^^ You can always sell your property/move and live like a king elsewhere hehe


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

ebp123 said:


> Wouldn't she be the man of the house if she made more?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First, I never said that making more money is what makes you the man of the house. That's what YOU said. My point is that if the OP uses the fact that she makes more money to emasculate her husband then yes it will be a problem.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> First, I never said that making more money is what makes you the man of the house. That's what YOU said. My point is that if the OP uses the fact that she makes more money to emasculate her husband then yes it will be a problem.


I wouldn't because that's not me, I don't think money is the source of masculinity, and I really love and respect my husband. Point taken though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> First, I never said that making more money is what makes you the man of the house. That's what YOU said. My point is that if the OP uses the fact that she makes more money to emasculate her husband then yes it will be a problem.


This is indeed true. Before my divorce I hung out with a couple whose wife made signficantly more than the H not because of a difference in educational level, but because of the different salary scales of their respective fields. At a dinner party one evening, I was shocked to hear her say, "Yeah, you with your tiny income..." 

They did get divorced eventually.... I'm pretty sure this had something to do with it. They had other problems as well, but I'm fairly certain that his non-lucrative field had a lot to with their problems, over time....


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

DoF said:


> ^^^ You can always sell your property/move and live like a king elsewhere hehe


I would love to live in Iowa or some other farm country, but there are no jobs for me there. Only in the big urban areas.
Drats!


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

The only person who can determine how your husband will react is your husband.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

John Lee said:


> The only person who can determine how your husband will react is your husband.


I know that, but he isn't always forthcoming with things that bother him because he was raised to think that men keep their feelings to themselves. That's why I wondered what the consensus was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Darn sex rank and hamsters rationalizing!! 

Seriously, Dig made way more money than me for a decade when he was flying jets. Suddenly, it changed when he decided family was more important than money.

I make more than he does now, but again, he changed his priorities and loves that he's working toward becoming a police officer.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> I know that, but he isn't always forthcoming with things that bother him because he was raised to think that men keep their feelings to themselves. That's why I wondered what the consensus was.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And the consensus is______________?


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Congratulations on your new position!

There was a time in our marriage when I made more than my husband. He didn't seem to mind it at all but I didn't throw in his face or bring it up in arguments. We still maintained a pretty traditional style marriage except for that one thing.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Life is...

Congrats. So am curious vis-a-vis your question:
What % of his salary were you making before, what %of his salary do you make now? And was he aware you were in line for a big promotion?


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