# I quit masturbating - how it helped our marriage



## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

I love this forum and appreciate it. I just found it.

I have stopped masturbating about seven months ago. 

Before that I masturbated daily and had intercourse with my wife on weekends.

Like most guys I used porn. And didn't think anything of it.

But in reality even since middle school (I'm in my 50s now) I had erectile problems with real girls. I continued having these problems when I was dating when in my twenties. 

My wife is the first woman I had sexual intercourse with. She was patient and helped me overcome my performance anxiety.

Recently I recognized that my issues (which have kept coming back now and then for a few days or a week) were due to porn and masturbation.

So I stopped masturbating and viewing porn.

Of course, my wife didn't like this. She felt that I was now not satisfying my own sexual desires and that I would be focusing entirely on her and she has a low libido compared to mine.

But you know what? We worked through that and have the most amazing sex life.

We have sex almost every day now.

For fairly long periods of time.

Her UTI and yeast issues disappeared.

And great stuff happened to me. My workouts are much better. I find that I recover faster. I am growing more hair and even hair on my bald spot which is really cool.

And our relationship which was always good has now become leaps and bounds better.

I'm *much* more helpful around the house.

Frankly our sex life had become boring but now it's fantastic. We can't keep our hands off each other. 

And I think about her all the time and she is the most beautiful and gorgeous person on the planet for me.

My purpose in telling this story is that I've learned an awful lot about helping couples who are experiencing the "dead bedroom" or just loss of physical intimacy.

And this adventure has led to amazing results for me and I hope it stimulates some conversation and some new ideas.

It all started with my wanting *more* sex than we were getting, and I decided to stop masturbating in order to make a big change in our relationship that would jump start more sex. (And that's how I discovered how porn and masturbation were creating occasional bouts of erectile dysfunction with me.)

And wow, did it work!

And by the way, I don't have orgasms anymore either. I haven't for seven months. Sex is one long incredibly pleasurable experience and I have no desire to have an orgasm or ejaculation.

(And no, it isn't bad for your prostate not to ejaculate, guys...that is a myth.)

So if you have questions about this type of life, let me know.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I think I'd rather keep being able to orgasm.

and not orgasming can be bad for your prostrate.

I do think not spanking it to porn would help most marriages.as would not getting caught up in romance novels.

but hey glad your reaping the benifits of not masterbating and your loss of orgasms.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> I think I'd rather keep being able to orgasm.
> 
> and not orgasming can be bad for your prostrate.
> 
> ...


Well, you can continue having orgasms of course. But it really does improve your life a lot not to masturbate. And improves the marriage a huge amount.

The reason I don't have orgasms is only because our sex is so much better this way without that 15 second "and now it's over" ejaculation.

My wife sometimes has orgasms. It's all good!

For men, no, orgasms are NOT necessary for prostate health. I believe that is a myth.

Thanks for your response, though!


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

I'm not judging, but this is the strangest post I've ever seen.

I'm really happy that this has worked so well for you but it's really not going to be an option for most of us.

I masturbate because I enjoy it. I have orgasms because they're awesome. I'm not removing either of these things that I enjoy from my life but bravo to you!


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

C123 said:


> I'm not judging, but this is the strangest post I've ever seen.
> 
> I'm really happy that this has worked so well for you but it's really not going to be an option for most of us.
> 
> I masturbate because I enjoy it. I have orgasms because they're awesome. I'm not removing either of these things that I enjoy from my life but bravo to you!


Then don't!

I enjoyed it too. But I have found much greater enjoyment this way. And I never expected that.

I just stopped to kind of up my game. I was dissatisfied with my sex life. So I thought, if I stop masturbation, I'll have more sexual energy and more magnetism and that will influence my wife.

And it worked!!

I realized then that having sex without orgasm could be the most intensely pleasurable experience and that's why I've pursued that. But that is purely optional on the "Matt Cook" plan LOL.

The key is to stop masturbation and porn use, and channel your sexual energies to your partner. It can change your marriage in the most amazing way.

I never thought we'd be having sex every day for long periods as we do...


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## C123 (Jun 20, 2012)

I'm impressed Matt. You have far better willpower than me!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Weird... my husband doesn't masturbate either and he has orgasms when we have sex... He hasn't masturbated since before we married 12 years ago. He has no desire to. Seven months without orgasms? Hmmm... don't think either of us could deal with that. His meds have caused problems in that area in the last month...and it's pissing him off. Seven months? No thanks. I would rather help him figure ways to actually get to orgasm. But thanks for sharing.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

So, you are still Master of your Domain......

I'm out! 

(slaps $20.00 on the table)


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

C123 said:


> I'm impressed Matt. You have far better willpower than me!


Nope. No willpower. It's due to daily bonding we do and all the sex we have. It satisfies me on a profound level. That has made it very easy.

Otherwise I would have become horny and frustrated and it's game over.



Maricha75 said:


> Weird... my husband doesn't masturbate either and he has orgasms when we have sex... He hasn't masturbated since before we married 12 years ago. He has no desire to. Seven months without orgasms? Hmmm... don't think either of us could deal with that. His meds have caused problems in that area in the last month...and it's pissing him off. Seven months? No thanks. I would rather help him figure ways to actually get to orgasm. But thanks for sharing.


You are welcome! It's much better if he saves his orgasms for you, MUCH better for a relationship and most every other way.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

mattcook said:


> You are welcome! *It's much better if he saves his orgasms for you*, MUCH better for a relationship and most every other way.


Ummmm.... not sure if you got it with my last post, but he always has, since we have been together, saved them all for me... and he has had them every time we have had sex, except for interactions with his medications. And trust me, it isn't a 15 second thing and he's done.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Ummmm.... not sure if you got it with my last post, but he always has, since we have been together, saved them all for me... and he has had them every time we have had sex, except for interactions with his medications. And trust me, it isn't a 15 second thing and he's done.


Yes, thanks, I got that. You are a lucky woman. Most men aren't like that.


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

Matt, you are saying that you haven't had an orgasm in seven months but have sex almost every day...I would stake serious money that you left some information out...


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

DDC said:


> Matt, you are saying that you haven't had an orgasm in seven months but have sex almost every day...I would stake serious money that you left some information out...


yeah you would think that, right?

We are so used to thinking sex=orgasm.

I have non-orgasmic sex, that is far sweeter and deeper and more amazing than I ever experienced when I was having orgasms. I have no desire to have an orgasm at all.

Nobody can get this because they are used to sex being just reflexive. But really, there is so much beyond what we "know" through our reflexes.

Fact is, I never knew what ecstasy felt like until I embarked on this journey.

It builds a very strong connection with your partner. It builds amazing feelings that cannot be described. If it wasn't infinitely more pleasurable, I would have orgasms instead.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

:scratchhead::scratchhead:


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Have only glanced at the thread but it sounds like you are talking about 'semen retention'.

We had a user called MarkTwain that swore by it.

Suggest if others ate interested to search for his posts.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Have only glanced at the thread but it sounds like you are talking about 'semen retention'.
> 
> We had a user called MarkTwain that swore by it.
> 
> Suggest if others ate interested to search for his posts.


thanks!

I will do that.

But I don't retain semen. That is common for men who learn how to have orgasm without ejaculation. I'm not having orgasms at all.

I don't want them because I get so much more pleasure this way without them. Most people have never tried having sex without the intent of having an orgasm and they don't really get how it will benefit them and how pleasurable it really is.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

And it cures baldness??? I may have to give this a try!

Oh wait, I'm not bald. Ok, carry on.


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

I believe it's possible to have and enjoy sex - as a male - without having an orgasm every time.

That said, I find it anatomically unlikely that you could have long sessions almost every day for seven months without having an orgasm. Incredibly unlikely. 

I suppose it could be that you're experiencing retrograde ejaculation. I would look into this - it's certainly not normal (or desirable, imho) to be able to have sex for the equivalent of hundreds, possibly of thousands of hours without ejaculating.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

> For men, no, orgasms are NOT necessary for prostate health. I believe that is a myth.


As a man who needed medical attention for congestive prostatitis when I was younger, I think any GP or urologist could offer you a very different opinion on that. 

'Horse sense' alone should tell us that the storage capacity of any and every organic containment system, (e.g. lungs, stomach, bladder, etc.) is finite.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

DDC said:


> I believe it's possible to have and enjoy sex - as a male - without having an orgasm every time.
> 
> That said, I find it anatomically unlikely that you could have long sessions almost every day for seven months without having an orgasm. Incredibly unlikely.
> 
> I suppose it could be that you're experiencing retrograde ejaculation. I would look into this - it's certainly not normal (or desirable, imho) to be able to have sex for the equivalent of hundreds, possibly of thousands of hours without ejaculating.


you would be incorrect. At first it was really difficult but now it is second nature not to have an orgasm. 

The thing people do not get is that this is much more pleasurable than having an orgasm. It lasts much longer, is much nicer and the amazing feelings go on 24 X 7. Why would I want to throw that away for a 15 second feeling? I wouldn't.

It is *quite* normal, as normal as sleeping in a bed, or having unlimited food, is when compared to what animals do.

We humans are capable of living consciously and learning new choices and ways. Why would we miss out and never get beyond the same type of sex that we're programmed for?

We live in buildings and have much better lives than we are genetically programmed for. 

Sex can be so much better too.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> As a man who needed medical attention for congestive prostatitis when I was younger, I think any GP or urologist could offer you a very different opinion on that.
> 
> 'Horse sense' alone should tell us that the storage capacity of any and every organic containment system, (e.g. lungs, stomach, bladder, etc.) is finite.


well you are quite wrong.

Sperm is re-absorbed into the body. IF my body wanted to get rid of prostate fluid or sperm, it would cause me to have a wet dream which I have not had.

I wish people would ask more questions about the masturbation part of this, which is what I posted about originally LOL.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> And it cures baldness??? I may have to give this a try!
> 
> Oh wait, I'm not bald. Ok, carry on.


lots of guys who quit masturbating say they grow more hair. This is very common even for guys who orgasm during sex with their partner, because they are not having as many ejaculations perhaps.

My facial hair grows much faster too. Weird.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

no orgasm? that would suck. maybe you should see a doctor

i find that not looking at porn helps a long with keeping in shape as you are more confident all around and yes with your body. I find the more time i give to talking with my wife and cuddling with her and planning dates for us the more sex i get. I think if sex becomes just something for pleasure and their is no fun behind it it becomes boring. You must be happy, outgoing, plan dates, work out together and listen and be all ear's to your wifes stories and daily activities than she will be more into sex. 

that is my experience at least


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

mattcook said:


> well you are quite wrong.
> Sperm is re-absorbed into the body. IF my body wanted to get rid of prostate fluid or sperm, it would cause me to have a wet dream which I have not had.


Semen production and the capacity to reabsorb it varies from man to man to man, so your mileage may vary. Generally, semen will eventually congeal into a semi-solid as with any other aqueous suspension where the water is leached off. Symptoms include sharp pain in the rectum and perineam and the discharge of blood from the penis during erection. Urinating is indescribably painful. (Think broken glass.) 

You said you've gone about seven months. I went about fourteen before things got that bad.

Cheers!


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## DDC (Jul 16, 2012)

mattcook said:


> you would be incorrect. At first it was really difficult but now it is second nature not to have an orgasm.
> 
> The thing people do not get is that this is much more pleasurable than having an orgasm. It lasts much longer, is much nicer and the amazing feelings go on 24 X 7. Why would I want to throw that away for a 15 second feeling? I wouldn't.
> 
> ...


Appreciate you sharing your experience. I consider myself pretty enlightened but I'm not yet ready to have sex for thousands of hours without orgasm or ejaculation.

That said, I'm glad you've reached a point in your life where you are experiencing sex at a deeper and more fulfilling level.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> Semen production and the capacity to reabsorb it varies from man to man to man, so your mileage may vary. Generally, semen will eventually congeal into a semi-solid as with any other aqueous suspension where the water is leached off. Symptoms include sharp pain in the rectum and perineam and the discharge of blood from the penis during erection. Urinating is indescribably painful. (Think broken glass.)
> 
> You said you've gone about seven months. I went about fourteen before things got that bad.
> 
> Cheers!


One word.... OUCH!


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> Semen production and the capacity to reabsorb it varies from man to man to man, so your mileage may vary. Generally, semen will eventually congeal into a semi-solid as with any other aqueous suspension where the water is leached off. Symptoms include sharp pain in the rectum and perineam and the discharge of blood from the penis during erection. Urinating is indescribably painful. (Think broken glass.)
> 
> You said you've gone about seven months. I went about fourteen before things got that bad.
> 
> Cheers!


No, this isn't so. You must have had some other issues going on. This isn't medically true as something that "normally" happens. Sounds like you had some prostate problems but I don't have any. I have no medical issues at all.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

DDC said:


> Appreciate you sharing your experience. I consider myself pretty enlightened but I'm not yet ready to have sex for thousands of hours without orgasm or ejaculation.
> 
> That said, I'm glad you've reached a point in your life where you are experiencing sex at a deeper and more fulfilling level.


no I wouldn't expect you would be ready for this.

I wasn't expecting it.

I just quit masturbating and then decided not to have orgasms for a little while. I decided to spend more time bonding with my wife.

And turned into a more amazing experience right away than I ever expected. Since then I've worked a lot with people who have learned about this and tried it. Many have felt as I did, and others haven't. It depends upon how open minded you are.

Most people are very close minded. They never got any real education about sex, they got their minds bent around fake sex (porn), they never consciously thought about it, they just go with the flow. That's cool, but that type of orgasm driven sex actually doesn't build intimacy or build love.

In fact it becomes boring. And you start looking critically at your partner.

Then you look at other people.

Without orgasms this doesn't happen. Your love for your partner deepens and you just can't believe it. It's a new world all the time.

It is the greatest thing that ever happened to me.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I wouldn't want my husband to not orgasm! 

I wouldn't want to give mine up either.

Glad you found it to be good for you!


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I wouldn't want my husband to not orgasm!
> 
> I wouldn't want to give mine up either.
> 
> Glad you found it to be good for you!


yeah, we're programmed to want to "give" our partners orgasms. (Of course we don't give them orgasms, but we talk like we do.)

It is fun to have our partner come. And it is different not having them. 

My wife has an occasional orgasm as I don't try to tell her what to do or not do. Through oral or sometimes intercourse. I enjoy that a lot of course.

But she has had few orgasms too in this time. She enjoys our union and finds it pleasurable this way without coming most of the time.

She probably misses my having orgasms but we have so much that more than makes up for it.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

mattcook said:


> No, this isn't so. You must have had some other issues going on. This isn't medically true as something that "normally" happens. Sounds like you had some prostate problems but I don't have any. I have no medical issues at all.


Matt, I've got nothing to say in the face of a Monty Python "Black Knight" denial of what medical professionals, textbooks and papers all state. The pain and bleeding is the result of secondary bacterial infection that congestion of the prostate invites. 

I do wholeheartedly agree with you though, that abstinence from pornography is healthy for a marriage and applaud your decision in that regard.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

It's not a matter of "programming". I like how my husband feels inside me. I like how it feels when he cums. He likes how it feels when I do as well. I enjoy the feeling during oral, for both of us. There are plenty of activities we do together to feel close, other than sex. There are other ways to get the intimacy, which we are working on what works best for our relationship. What makes me wonder is that you said your wife it lower drive. You said she probably misses that you don't orgasm anymore. Have you asked her about it? I'd be interested to know how she feels about you NEVER having an orgasm now. I get that she thought you would be all over her because you quit masturbating. I can see why she would feel that way since she is LD (or at least lower drive)... but, again, I would be interested in knowing how she really does feel about it.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> It's not a matter of "programming". I like how my husband feels inside me. I like how it feels when he cums. He likes how it feels when I do as well. I enjoy the feeling during oral, for both of us. There are plenty of activities we do together to feel close, other than sex. There are other ways to get the intimacy, which we are working on what works best for our relationship. What makes me wonder is that you said your wife it lower drive. You said she probably misses that you don't orgasm anymore. Have you asked her about it? I'd be interested to know how she feels about you NEVER having an orgasm now. I get that she thought you would be all over her because you quit masturbating. I can see why she would feel that way since she is LD (or at least lower drive)... but, again, I would be interested in knowing how she really does feel about it.


Programming is why we want to please our partner and have them come. It's how we're built. My wife and I are no different.

I think she is *still* surprised that I don't orgasm. It still kind of blows her away. LOL.

She loves our new relationship. We discuss it all the time. She loves how much more loving we both are with each other. How we can't get enough of each other. Life is amazing for both of us. That more than makes up for her not having me experience orgasm.

And the bonuses for her are the lack of UTI and yeast issues she used to experience regularly. Not insignificant actually.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

mattcook said:


> lots of guys who quit masturbating say they grow more hair. This is very common even for guys who orgasm during sex with their partner, because they are not having as many ejaculations perhaps.
> 
> My facial hair grows much faster too. Weird.


i masturbate usually between 3 and 5 times a day, as many as 8.
have done this for the most part of my life since i was 14, i am now almost 50.
i still have a full head of hair.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You can't be loving and have fun and be intimate AND have orgasms?

Y'all are so into each other because you never climax. H and I climax almost daily, but we still can't keep our hands off each other.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i masturbate usually between 3 and 5 times a day, as many as 8.
> have done this for the most part of my life since i was 14, i am now almost 50.
> i still have a full head of hair.


Prolly on your palms too.



Ohnoshedi'int.


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## amillionpieces85 (Jul 23, 2011)

Im confused ... why are you not orgasming? :/


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

mattcook said:


> Programming is why we want to please our partner and have them come. It's how we're built. My wife and I are no different.


Well, in that case, I am glad my husband and I have this "programming". As I said, there are other ways to be intimate, to have that closeness, without taking away the orgasms.



mattcook said:


> She loves our new relationship. We discuss it all the time. She loves how much more loving we both are with each other. How we can't get enough of each other. Life is amazing for both of us. That more than makes up for her not having me experience orgasm.



Like that_girl, my husband and I can't keep our hands off each other either. We're always hugging, kissing, grabbing, etc... not just sexual gratification.



mattcook said:


> And the bonuses for her are the lack of UTI and yeast issues she used to experience regularly. Not insignificant actually.


Hmmm...trying to figure out which part of your new-found knowledge is responsible for her no longer being overrun by that bacteria.... :scratchhead:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Well, in that case, I am glad my husband and I have this "programming". As I said, there are other ways to be intimate, to have that closeness, without taking away the orgasms.
> 
> 
> Like that_girl, my husband and I can't keep our hands off each other either. We're always hugging, kissing, grabbing, etc... not just sexual gratification.
> ...


Yogurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

If I quit, will my vision improve, too?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

2nd_t!me iz_best said:


> i masturbate usually between 3 and 5 times a day, as many as 8.
> have done this for the most part of my life since i was 14, i am now almost 50.
> i still have a full head of hair.


and forearms like popeye!:smthumbup:


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

jaharthur said:


> If I quit, will my vision improve, too?


and you will get smarter also just like on snienfield.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Yogurt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Right! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
Yogurt keeps me from getting them too!


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

At what point do you tell everybody that you have a subscription website for your theory?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Right! :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:
> Yogurt keeps me from getting them too!



_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MWD (Jul 16, 2012)

Here is how the hair part works. The hair that is normally on your palms, is distributed to your head. 

-MWD


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> At what point do you tell everybody that you have a subscription website for your theory?




I read about what the OP is talking about just yesterday in one of our local newspapers.
Its some new technique in lovemakng called " Karezza ."
I did a search on it and came across this website:

The Karezza Method | Reuniting

And some other books on the subject.

Sounds like a mixture of Tantric Sex, New Age Philosophy and " Snake Oil " to me.....

The only part I agree with is cutting back on masturbation in order to fully connect with your spouse.

The " science " behind the ideology is that orgasm tends to create a " dopamine hangover " effect on the brain. They also say that it may take the brain up to 15 days to stabilize the body's neurochemistry after orgasm.

IMO , some couples only manage to have sex ONCE per month. So for whatever its worth us humans NEED THAT DOPAMINE HANGOVER... I don't need to have an orgasm for my neurochemistry to be destabilized.
I just have to look at the evening News on television, and I have already given up that. So my and my wife's orgasms [ I think I can speak for her on this matter.] are non negotiable.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

HA! No wonder I'm never stable! :rofl:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

that_girl said:


> HA! No wonder I'm never stable! :rofl:


You and me both


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mattcook said:


> Well, you can continue having orgasms of course. But it really does improve your life a lot not to masturbate. And improves the marriage a huge amount.
> 
> The reason I don't have orgasms is only because our sex is so much better this way without that 15 second "and now it's over" ejaculation.
> 
> ...


I've read somethings about this... porn/masterbating that is causing a lot of problems. It's an especially big problem with younger guys who grew up w/internet porn. The advice I've read for fixing the problem is exactly what you have done..to stop it. I've read that it takes about 3 months for a guy's normal sexual functioning to return.

On the topic of not have an orgasm; I've read about guys training themselves to not have orgasms at least for the length of a long love making session. What I've read is that it greatly inceases the pleasure. I guess that's what you have found.

Glad to hear that you have improved you and your wife's life so dramatically!!


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

that_girl said:


> HA! No wonder I'm never stable! :rofl:


i 2nd that_girl


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I've read somethings about this... porn/masterbating that is causing a lot of problems. It's an especially big problem with younger guys who grew up w/internet porn. The advice I've read for fixing the problem is exactly what you have done..to stop it. I've read that it takes about 3 months for a guy's normal sexual functioning to return.
> 
> On the topic of not have an orgasm; I've read about guys training themselves to not have orgasms at least for the length of a long love making session. What I've read is that it greatly inceases the pleasure. I guess that's what you have found.
> 
> Glad to hear that you have improved you and your wife's life so dramatically!!


thank you. That's very open minded and sensible. It is what I went through for sure as far as quitting porn and masturbation.

It didn't take much training to avoid orgasms during sex. I decided to try it for a bit and never looked back. I'm sure I'll slip off the wagon now and then but it hasn't happened yet.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Hmmm...trying to figure out which part of your new-found knowledge is responsible for her no longer being overrun by that bacteria.... :scratchhead:


Absence of masturbation lube. I think my wife's most recent occurance might have been from a day I masturbated with KY because I didn't expect to get any action, then I got some action.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> I read about what the OP is talking about just yesterday in one of our local newspapers.
> Its some new technique in lovemakng called " Karezza ."
> I did a search on it and came across this website:
> 
> ...


of course it's snake oil. You're right. I'm a fraud.

I was quoted by ABC News on this, myself.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

No doubt cutting down or stopping the masturbation can help those with erectile and/or ejaculation problems if those problems are indeed directly caused by the P&M.

However there are other things that can cause exactly the same sexual dysfunctions in men and the big one is anxiety and in order to try and solve the sexual problems the guy has to tackle not only the anxiety but also discover the root cause of it which often may be found in the family of origin or childhood abuse- sexual or non sexual.

So quitting the porn and masturbation will not have any effect on men whose sexual difficulties are related to various kinds of anxiety, conscious or subconscious. Only psychotherapy will help and all stopping the porn and masturbation habit will do is leave them with no sexual outlet at all. At least for those who have given up attempting partner sex altogether to avoid the shame of the dysfunctions which they don't suffer from when they masturbate alone.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Mr B said:


> No doubt cutting down or stopping the masturbation can help those with erectile and/or ejaculation problems if those problems are indeed directly caused by the P&M.
> 
> However there are other things that can cause exactly the same sexual dysfunctions in men and the big one is anxiety and in order to try and solve the sexual problems the guy has to tackle not only the anxiety but also discover the root cause of it which often may be found in the family of origin or childhood abuse- sexual or non sexual.
> 
> So quitting the porn and masturbation will not have any effect on men whose sexual difficulties are related to various kinds of anxiety, conscious or subconscious. Only psychotherapy will help and all stopping the porn and masturbation habit will do is leave them with no sexual outlet at all. At least for those who have given up attempting partner sex altogether to avoid the shame of the dysfunctions which they don't suffer from when they masturbate alone.


I believe that if a man quits masturbation for awhile he won't have performance anxieties, most of the time for most men.

Some men do need a lot of help but mostly, the problem is solved when they stop masturbating (and porn) and regain their natural sensitivity which does take a number of months.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

There's a lot about what you did and the outcome, but nothing about the mechanics or hows and whys of it working.

I think I achieve a lot of this by having learned to control ejaculation. I've learned this from a book and it had a lot of hows and whys. But I haven't given up orgasm, porn or masturbation. In fact I used masturbation to learn how to control orgasm, and I only use it on nights I don't have sex.

It is interesting you mention ejaculation being reflexive because I agree with that part and the technique I learned is basicly learning to control that reflex. Peeing your pants is reflexive too, we learn to control that so we don't have to wear diapers all of our life.

As for porn, I recognize it for what it is - acting. It doesn't create unrealistic expectations for me. The porn is not the problem, it's the creation of unrealistic expectations that comes with forgetting the simple fact that it's an act.

Masturbation is a more controllable way of learning the technique because... well you're in control of pressure, speed, etc. and what you do is observe sensations and adjust.

As for the outcome, I went from 1x a week but not every week to nearly daily because my wife enjoys getting it longer and harder. The key is that sex is successful when it's enjoyed regardless of outcome.

As I said, chances are if there's any connection between porn, masturbation and her getting uti and yeast then maybe it was a lube used for masturbation that was residual when you had sex or something. KY and most other lubes have glycerine which is a sugar.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

mattcook said:


> I believe that if a man quits masturbation for awhile he won't have performance anxieties, most of the time for most men.
> 
> Some men do need a lot of help but mostly, the problem is solved when they stop masturbating (and porn) and regain their natural sensitivity which does take a number of months.


I have a different take on this, I think performance anxiety goes away when you can give it to your wife long and hard and you see how much she enjoys it and she wants more. I've had times when I've stopped masturbation in hopes of lasting longer, and after stopping for a long time I came faster. But that was because ejaculation was still reflexive. 

I masturbate and I cleared up performance anxiety because I can now control the ejaculation reflex better. I don't see the effect of controlling the performance anxiety as tied with whether or not you masturbate.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Wilk, seems like you've done some great work there and are really conscious and aware of your sexual facility. I'm glad for you! Good it has worked so well. I'm sure there are many ways to go about something and the important part is the thought and the effort that can really make it so much better.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

Just to be sure: by no orgasm the OP means no ejaculation at all?


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

moco82 said:


> Just to be sure: by no orgasm the OP means no ejaculation at all?


correct. None.


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## moco82 (Jul 16, 2012)

I expect a signed copy of your book on meditation, O Great Master


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

moco82 said:


> I expect a signed copy of your book on meditation, O Great Master


don't you mean O great X masterbater!


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

mattcook said:


> yeah you would think that, right?
> 
> We are so used to thinking sex=orgasm.
> 
> ...


I beleive you can have something very similar with orgasms. Just focus on each other, no porn or flirting with other people. Flirt with each other and turn each other on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cre8ify (Feb 1, 2012)

How do you know when your done and its time to leave the stage?


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

May I be the first please??????

Troll!!!!!

Neither of you Orgasm (at least she does seldom), but have sex every day..... She was LD and you had sex only on weekends and now that you have stopped masturbating you are f*&^in like bunnies not to completion and she still is not cumming. I'm confused to say the least.

Guess what? If that was the case I'd have much less interest in sex, not more.......


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

I don't know that I'd call it lacking in credibility. There are 4 stages of sensation during sexual contact,

1) the initial ramp-up
2) a plateau
3) another ramp-up as you approach orgasm
4) release

There is a point in the 3rd stage where you reach the point of no return and you're going to orgasm from release.

The point of the ejaculation control I learned is to recognize that second ramp-up and pause to calm down before you pass the point of no return... In doing so, your body will learn to instinctively slow the ramp-up or control it.

What he's saying might be that he denies the release or denies being able to ramp up to the extent of passing the point of no return.

With what I'm doing, if my wife wants a quickie I really have to give her a good pounding and it does feel rather intense.

I don't know about how his wife is only occasionally orgasmic over it, but maybe it's age related and maybe she's post menopausal or something? I don't know that much about those things, my wife's 33 so it's not a concern yet. At this point I tend to give my wife at least one orgasm vaginally during most sessions.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

WillK said:


> I don't know that I'd call it lacking in credibility. There are 4 stages of sensation during sexual contact,
> 
> 1) the initial ramp-up
> 2) a plateau
> ...


I think age has something to do with your interest in what I'm doing, or lack of interest.

As you go through a long term monogamous relationship, it is natural to become bored. It requires continual work and the usual advice is to spice things up, and build up the level of stimulation to keep interested.

I think that's fine for a lot of young people but after awhile as you get older, it stops being so fine.

I have no desire to have an orgasm because our sex is like this:

1. we connect
2. we maintain our connection
3. in stillness there are the most wonderful feelings
4. when we feel like it, we disconnect and go about our day
4. the amazing feelings continue and make life incredibly rich

There is no end to this. And there is no escalation or desire for more stimulation. 

The reason is that the hormone Oxytocin is built up this way. Oxytocin creates happiness, secure feelings, attraction for your partner, and "forever" love.

Orgasm interrupts that and ends the good feelings.

Most people don't know this other route exists. They have no idea what they are capable of feeling. 

I have no desire to pound my wife or escalate to orgasm because the feelings that I have are amazing all the time, and that type of sex actually puts us each in our own worlds. It's a world where we are always trying to get somewhere. Then when we get there, it's over. 

My feelings are like Christmas every day. Orgasms are more like Christmas once a year.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

mattcook said:


> I think age has something to do with your interest in what I'm doing, or lack of interest.
> 
> As you go through a long term monogamous relationship, it is natural to become bored. It requires continual work and the usual advice is to spice things up, and build up the level of stimulation to keep interested.
> 
> ...



Now I am convinced...... TROLL


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

mattcook said:


> I believe that if a man quits masturbation for awhile he won't have performance anxieties, most of the time for most men.
> 
> Some men do need a lot of help but mostly, the problem is solved when they stop masturbating (and porn) and regain their natural sensitivity which does take a number of months.


This doesn't apply to men who are children of alcoholics, victims of sexual and non sexual abuse, men with various kinds of personality disorders, attachment disorders and anxiety disorders such a GAD or intimacy anxiety. For most of these men the sexual difficulties they suffer predate any porn or masturbation habits. In fact they usually suffer from sexual dysfunctions from the very first time they have sex with a partner in a close intimate relationship. And the closer the relationship they have with someone the worse the sexual functioning becomes because the anxiety shuts them down sexually. 

For many of these men as long as a relationship is new, or is paid sex or a one night stand or the partner can be kept at arms length emotionally they do not suffer sexually even if they masturbate almost every day. And of course non partnered sex such as solo masturbation is not effected by this anxiety because it only happens in intimate relationships.

This subject is way more complicated than you think and way more than just garden variety sexual performance anxiety which may or may not be improved by stopping the masturbation.

You do a disservice to the men who suffer from these problems because you give the impression that theirs are problems that have easy fixes (stop masturbating) making them feel bad when that doesn't work and probably making their spouses even angrier with them. Do your research before you write such a ridiculous post.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Mr B said:


> This doesn't apply to men who are children of alcoholics, victims of sexual and non sexual abuse, men with various kinds of personality disorders, attachment disorders and anxiety disorders such a GAD or intimacy anxiety. For most of these men the sexual difficulties they suffer predate any porn or masturbation habits. In fact they usually suffer from sexual dysfunctions from the very first time they have sex with a partner in a close intimate relationship. And the closer the relationship they have with someone the worse the sexual functioning becomes because the anxiety shuts them down sexually.
> 
> For many of these men as long as a relationship is new, or is paid sex or a one night stand or the partner can be kept at arms length emotionally they do not suffer sexually even if they masturbate almost every day. And of course non partnered sex such as solo masturbation is not effected by this anxiety because it only happens in intimate relationships.
> 
> ...


it's the 80/20 rule. I didn't say *all* men. I said most. Most men don't have those complicated issues you are talking about. 

Stopping masturbation is no easy fix. It is very difficult for most men. And porn is very addictive and many men have performance problems and anxiety about performance due to porn and masturbation.


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## GhostRydr (Jun 2, 2012)

I have great ejac' control because I "edge" when I masturbate; ie, masturbate w/o ejac'. Sometimes I can go as long as 2 weeks before the need to release.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I'll never be too old to orgasm.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Maricha75 said:


> Weird... my husband doesn't masturbate either and he has orgasms when we have sex... He hasn't masturbated since before we married 12 years ago. He has no desire to. Seven months without orgasms? Hmmm... don't think either of us could deal with that. His meds have caused problems in that area in the last month...and it's pissing him off. Seven months? No thanks. I would rather help him figure ways to actually get to orgasm. But thanks for sharing.


 Sounds like us...My husband told me he stopped masterbating while we were dating...he told me when I started to stick my hands down his pants... he just waited for us to get together & have some excitment .... he seemed like he had a continual hard on, I remember that. And he continued that well into our marraige....then feeling it was "MY place" as his wife.. He has always looked at masterbating as hollow (in comparison). 

Even though he looked at porn, he would not touch himself... I don't know how he controlled himself! 

I was the one who did masterbate and I wish I didn't , cause I would have bothered him more so... I think if the couple has a similar sex drive..."waiting for each other" is a beautiful thing....is one of the greatest things one can do for keeping the excitement alive......but I wouldn't want to give up my orgasm ! Never ! He feels the same! 



> *mattcook said*: I have no desire to pound my wife or escalate to orgasm because the feelings that I have are amazing all the time, and that type of sex actually puts us each in our own worlds. It's a world where we are always trying to get somewhere. Then when we get there, it's over.


For us (not in our 50's yet)... once we go, we often say to each other "Bummer, the highlight of the day is over"  - wishing we could go another round in a few hours or something, but we can't. But yet...that *RUSH* with the orgasm is so heavenly, it just bonds us... and keeps the emotional high -it's still going strong throughout the day....& night...then with each new day... the desire to do it all over again is there -- it builds even more so if we skip a day.... So yeah, I hope the day never comes where we won't want to "take it to the limit".... fireworks and all. 

This talks alot about orgasm, it's all between the ears >>> Your Brain On Sex | Reuniting


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

GhostRydr said:


> I have great ejac' control because I "edge" when I masturbate; ie, masturbate w/o ejac'. Sometimes I can go as long as 2 weeks before the need to release.


I think I'd need to stop to eat and sleep before I made it 2 weeks masturbating without ejaculating. :rofl:


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

If I didn't cum for seven days, let alone seven months, I would go out of my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Knoxvillekelly (Mar 17, 2012)

if masturbation is important to you involve your partner.


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

Holy cow! This would be me after 7 days (let alone 7 months) of no ejaculation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obsE6QtvwV8&feature=player_detailpage


EDIT: Although there is no nudity in the video, it is somewhat "graphic" and not suitable for work. Thought I should add this in there just in case!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

The OP is referring to some very tantric principles when it comes to orgasms. Quite a few of the practitioners of Tantra aim to extend sexual pleasure, and do so by not giving into orgasm. It's quite possible that the OP is indeed telling the truth, as others do practice this, and have achieved the ability to have frequent sex without orgasm and ejaculation.

Also those I suppose it depends on the individual man when it comes to how long you can go without sex. I've gone long stretches of time without sex and masturbation in my life, and during those times my body would naturally release semen all on it's own. I would feel it leak out, or notice semen stains on my underwear.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

jaquen said:


> The OP is referring to some very tantric principles when it comes to orgasms. Quite a few of the practitioners of Tantra aim to extend sexual pleasure, and do so by not giving into orgasm. It's quite possible that the OP is indeed telling the truth, as others do practice this, and have achieved the ability to have frequent sex without orgasm and ejaculation.
> 
> Also those I suppose it depends on the individual man when it comes to how long you can go without sex. I've gone long stretches of time without sex and masturbation in my life, and during those times my body would naturally release semen all on it's own. I would feel it leak out, or notice semen stains on my underwear.


I don't know why I would come on this forum and lie. What would be the point? Of course I'm telling the truth. People just don't know a lot about sex. I've spent many months now studying and making up for my past lack of knowledge.

I have sex all the time, almost every day. But it is non-ejaculatory and non orgasmic.

A man can have an orgasm without ejaculation or an ejaculation without an orgasm. I have had neither. And I haven't had a wet dream and I haven't had semen in my urine. 

I do release a lot of pre-cum when we cuddle and when we have intercourse. 

What people do not get, is that this type of sex, and bonding that goes with it, is tremendously satisfying. In fact it's far more satisfying than having orgasms. And the pleasure is much greater so there is no denial here.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm glad you've found such a fulfilling form of intimacy but you have to understand that it's very subjective.

I already have prostate issues and my urologist says I MUST ejaculate more regularly to ease pressure and promote blood flow. Getting all worked up and not having a full orgasm is what got me in this mess in the first place.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I'm glad you've found such a fulfilling form of intimacy but you have to understand that it's very subjective.
> 
> I already have prostate issues and my urologist says I MUST ejaculate more regularly to ease pressure and promote blood flow. Getting all worked up and not having a full orgasm is what got me in this mess in the first place.


k, well, listen to your urologist. I'm just some guy on the Internet LOL.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

mattcook said:


> What people do not get, is that this type of sex, and bonding that goes with it, is tremendously satisfying. In fact it's far more satisfying than having orgasms. And the pleasure is much greater so there is no denial here.


The point, Matt, is what Sinnister said... it's subjective. It works for you, fine. But it doesn't work for my husband and me... nor does it work for many others. It's great that this is satisfying for YOU. But, please, understand that it wouldn't be a satisfactory sex life for everyone.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

mattcook said:


> thank you. That's very open minded and sensible. It is what I went through for sure as far as quitting porn and masturbation.
> 
> It didn't take much training to avoid orgasms during sex. I decided to try it for a bit and never looked back. I'm sure I'll slip off the wagon now and then but it hasn't happened yet.


I printed out your original post on this thread and gave it to my ex-husand to read. He ended up with ED about 5 years ago. I think you pretty much described his problem. We've been discussing this and other related issues.

{We divorced in March 2012, but he's still living here.}


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> I printed out your original post on this thread and gave it to my ex-husand to read. He ended up with ED about 5 years ago. I think you pretty much described his problem. We've been discussing this and other related issues.
> 
> {We divorced in March 2012, but he's still living here.}


Hope it helps. It has helped a lot of guys because I've shared this information. I was interviewed on ABC News recently.

The link between ED, lack of interest in sex by men, premature ejaculation...and porn...are very strong and most guys don't realize what is causing their sexual problems and lack of libido.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I'm glad you've found such a fulfilling form of intimacy but you have to understand that it's very subjective.
> 
> I already have prostate issues and my urologist says I MUST ejaculate more regularly to ease pressure and promote blood flow. Getting all worked up and not having a full orgasm is what got me in this mess in the first place.


I must emphasize that I don't get near orgasm and slam on the brakes. Not at all.

We keep things in a zone of 4-5-6 in terms of arousal with 10 being orgasm. If I occasionally get up to an 8 or 9, I will use some simple techniques to lower the arousal (even just being still for a few minutes). I don't want to have an orgasm and I don't want to edge, either.

Some guys, not saying all or even most, have prostate problems due to excessive masturbation (for them and their bodies) which can cause burning when you urinate (urethra is inflamed) and a desire to urinate that doesn't go away for several hours even though you urinate again and again. I had this problem in "the old days" occasionally.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> The point, Matt, is what Sinnister said... it's subjective. It works for you, fine. But it doesn't work for my husband and me... nor does it work for many others. It's great that this is satisfying for YOU. But, please, understand that it wouldn't be a satisfactory sex life for everyone.


Sure, of course!

I think it's mind opening to consider this option especially when you get into the phase of a relationship when things become boring and routine. 

The answer the therapists and the media gives is "escalate, use more fantasy, try sex toys" basically "spice it up" but that only works for so long.

My answer is that you can get enormous passion and love this way and that it is very effective in restoring the reasons we are in a relationship. While the "spice it up" stuff is often ineffective.

There are also some very young people using this approach as a couple. It's known as Karezza and is a very healthy and balanced and creates amazing stability and deep feelings in a couple.

I do think that we are designed as animals to get bored and a bit unhappy with our partners and to want other partners and this type of sex bonds us together much more than mating drive sex does.

And it makes it very easy not to masturbate, and to focus your energies not just with your partner but also in the outside world with a wonderful male magnetism that is attractive and almost irresistible.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

mattcook said:


> I must emphasize that I don't get near orgasm and slam on the brakes. Not at all.
> 
> We keep things in a zone of 4-5-6 in terms of arousal with 10 being orgasm. If I occasionally get up to an 8 or 9, I will use some simple techniques to lower the arousal (even just being still for a few minutes). I don't want to have an orgasm and I don't want to edge, either.
> 
> Some guys, not saying all or even most, have prostate problems due to excessive masturbation (for them and their bodies) which can cause burning when you urinate (urethra is inflamed) and a desire to urinate that doesn't go away for several hours even though you urinate again and again. I had this problem in "the old days" occasionally.


You had burning and your wife had frequent uti? Did you ever get tested for stds? Because that sounds very much like gonorrhea or ngu.


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## SoWhat (Jan 7, 2012)

Like the original poster, I rarely orgasm from sex. Maybe 10-20% of the time for me, as opposed to his 0%. 

I do masturbate though. I think I'd explode if I didn't get off for 7 months. 

When I was 15 I gave it up for Lent. Anyone else ever try this?
Emphasis on "try."


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> You had burning and your wife had frequent uti? Did you ever get tested for stds? Because that sounds very much like gonorrhea or ngu.


nah, it's not. 

It's a prostate/urethra issue connected with inflammation and alot of guys get this. I know how to prevent it and what causes it now.

For my wife, when we started having sex this new way she stopped getting any UTIs at all.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

mattcook said:


> I must emphasize that I don't get near orgasm and slam on the brakes. Not at all.
> 
> We keep things in a zone of 4-5-6 in terms of arousal with 10 being orgasm. If I occasionally get up to an 8 or 9, I will use some simple techniques to lower the arousal (even just being still for a few minutes). I don't want to have an orgasm and I don't want to edge, either.
> 
> Some guys, not saying all or even most, have prostate problems due to excessive masturbation (for them and their bodies) which can cause burning when you urinate (urethra is inflamed) and a desire to urinate that doesn't go away for several hours even though you urinate again and again. I had this problem in "the old days" occasionally.


For me it was about 5 different dr's and the lead urologist in my city in Canada that figured out that it was plain and simple lack of bustin a nut.

I saw an Australian physician who was actually kind of dissapointed in me for NOT masterbating. When I revealed that before the age of 30 I was having sex once per year he shook his head in disbelief.

Anyways, what you describe sounds kind of like a zen master of sex kind of deal. And I think it's cool, but let's be realistic. People like me are so utterly clueless about sex that I'd probably end up screwing it up anyways.


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

I had a change at work that didn't allow me to "indulge" as I once did. For the first time in my life I went about a week without masturbating. I noticed a slight change in my behavior but nothing to noticable. I did however, aquire an infected prostate gland? which I think was related to my lack of indulgence, and felt infected all the time. (could it have been an allergic reaction to my own semen? cos that"s what it felt like) Anyway, I got used to it and lately, I swear to God I have never felt a richer life! greater imagination, greater self control, more attention to my wife - just a greater sense of well being. To whoever created this post, I completely agree with what you're saying here. I also feel my iq has increased 10 fold. It's quite amazing. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks sir for posting this. It was rewarding to hear someone else has experienced this and that I'm not going crazy.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

DrNo said:


> I had a change at work that didn't allow me to "indulge" as I once did. For the first time in my life I went about a week without masturbating. I noticed a slight change in my behavior but nothing to noticable. I did however, aquire an infected prostate gland? which I think was related to my lack of indulgence, and felt infected all the time. (could it have been an allergic reaction to my own semen? cos that"s what it felt like) Anyway, I got used to it and lately, I swear to God I have never felt a richer life! greater imagination, greater self control, more attention to my wife - just a greater sense of well being. To whoever created this post, I completely agree with what you're saying here. I also feel my iq has increased 10 fold. It's quite amazing. Anyway, just wanted to say thanks sir for posting this. It was rewarding to hear someone else has experienced this and that I'm not going crazy.


So glad. Not sure what getting used to infection means. Can you clarify?

In any event, the truth is that when we don't masturbate we really do change. Women are more attracted to us. It's like we have this mysterious male magnetism. And we focus better and concentrate better. Everything gets better -- we even grow more hair. People who have experienced brain fog often find it goes away.


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

mattcook said:


> So glad. Not sure what getting used to infection means. Can you clarify?
> 
> In any event, the truth is that when we don't masturbate we really do change. Women are more attracted to us. It's like we have this mysterious male magnetism. And we focus better and concentrate better. Everything gets better -- we even grow more hair. People who have experienced brain fog often find it goes away.


I completely agree about the fog thing. As for the infection thing this is my theory - I've heard that if you don't ejaculate your body reabsorbs your semen. Is it possible i had a reaction to this? for like 4 months i had swollen glands in my neck that occurred around the time i "cut down" on masterbating. It's gone now. Now I feel just all good!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hm. My husband and I have sex nearly every day. He orgasms each time. I find him INCREDIBLY sexy and amazing and he has hair. lollll He doesn't masturbate (he says it's boring, he'd rather have sex).


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Hm. My husband and I have sex nearly every day. He orgasms each time. I find him INCREDIBLY sexy and amazing and he has hair. lollll He doesn't masturbate (he says it's boring, he'd rather have sex).


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

My wife and I had a spectacular sex life until kids and the fact we both stopped drinking. Since those changes her libido has decreased. At first I was very frustrated and would actually get angry with her. I then decided maybe I needed to control myself a little bit. You might say I had become a little bit "needy". It's quite embarrassing really. But, since I've learned to control myself things are a changin . However, she's still a bit vanilla so, hey, can anyone offer anything to try to get her to open up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

DrNo said:


> I completely agree about the fog thing. As for the infection thing this is my theory - I've heard that if you don't ejaculate your body reabsorbs your semen. Is it possible i had a reaction to this? for like 4 months i had swollen glands in my neck that occurred around the time i "cut down" on masterbating. It's gone now. Now I feel just all good!


well it could be coincidence. The body resorbs semen or it causes you to have a wet dream. It's an automatic function. It could also be you had an incipient infection that worked its way out. Sometimes there are cleansing reactions to changes we make, positive changes, and they are the body's way of getting rid of infection now that you've given your body more energy to do that.

There is this myth that ejaculation is healthy. I don't believe there is proof of this at all. And I think a lot of doctors are spreading false information that they believe, when they tell males that ejaculation regularly is important.

What is important is having a lot of contact with your partner if you can. That is vitally important, especially skin on skin contact. 



that_girl said:


> Hm. My husband and I have sex nearly every day. He orgasms each time. I find him INCREDIBLY sexy and amazing and he has hair. lollll He doesn't masturbate (he says it's boring, he'd rather have sex).


Good on you! Can't complain about that. Sounds like you've got a fantastic man there.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

DrNo said:


> My wife and I had a spectacular sex life until kids and the fact we both stopped drinking. Since those changes her libido has decreased. At first I was very frustrated and would actually get angry with her. I then decided maybe I needed to control myself a little bit. You might say I had become a little bit "needy". It's quite embarrassing really. But, since I've learned to control myself things are a changin . However, she's still a bit vanilla so, hey, can anyone offer anything to try to get her to open up?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes. The key is skin on skin contact, every day, as much as possible. Especially if it doesn't lead to sex and orgasm at least for a couple of weeks. This is what builds up Oxytocin levels and increases libido in a passionate, deep and positive way.

It is easy and fun to do. And simple. Try it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

but you were saying that when you don't masturbate or ejaculate, that women find you sexier :scratchhead:

I think that's all in your head...


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

mattcook said:


> yes. The key is skin on skin contact, every day, as much as possible. Especially if it doesn't lead to sex and orgasm at least for a couple of weeks. This is what builds up Oxytocin levels and increases libido in a passionate, deep and positive way.
> 
> It is easy and fun to do. And simple. Try it.


I never want to masturbate again! The dreams are amazing and one time, while I was fantasizing about my wife I had what I can only describe as a mental orgasm. It was incredible. I actually did ejaculate but it was like my brain orgasmed as well! And I was at work! : )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

that_girl said:


> but you were saying that when you don't masturbate or ejaculate, that women find you sexier :scratchhead:
> 
> I think that's all in your head...


it is the common experience of other men. Thousands of guys that I've communicated with have had and continue experiencing the most amazing changes. I don't have any desire to orgasm because the pleasure and feelings are so great.

Biology played tricks on us. It wants us to make babies but our natural inclination doesn't actually build happiness because genetically biology doesn't care if we are happy or not.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

To each their own I guess.

I should ask my hubby how long the longest is that he's gone without an orgasm since the age of, what, 12? 10? When do guys typically start masturbating?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Lol. Ok. Do what you do. My husband and I like having sex and orgasms. And it's not "biologically tricking".


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> To each their own I guess.
> 
> I should ask my hubby how long the longest is that he's gone without an orgasm since the age of, what, 12? 10? When do guys typically start masturbating?


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> To each their own I guess.
> 
> I should ask my hubby how long the longest is that he's gone without an orgasm since the age of, what, 12? 10? When do guys typically start masturbating?


anywhere from age 8 to 15 or so. 

Starts with masturbation discovery, usually starts fantasy to a girl at school or a memory of a sexy picture. Often then moves to masturbation to soft porn. Sometimes it doesn't graduate from there. Sometimes it escalates for guys. Normal masturbation habits aren't a big issue. But forgoing masturbation has huge benefits that most men don't realize because it's hard to stop. However, it is easy to stop if you build in a lot of bonding, cuddling and snuggling.


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

You're right - to each their own. I'm not here to preach. I'm sure a lot of factors come into play. I still do masturbate. It's just much more controlled : ) and that would be interesting to hear how long you husband has gone. Get back to us would ya?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

DrNo said:


> You're right - to each their own. I'm not here to preach. I'm sure a lot of factors come into play. I still do masturbate. It's just much more controlled : ) and that would be interesting to hear how long you husband has gone. Get back to us would ya?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sure thing  Although he's a sex addict so you aren't going to get a typical answer. His whole sex life before he met me was atypical I think.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh this is only about masturbation and not orgasm? :scratchhead:

My husband doesn't masturbate. He said he never has and finds it boring and stupid when he could just come to me...I was skeptical of this at first (because all the guys I knew did it) but he laughed and said he never did it! He tried at about 14, but said he got bored and worked on the car. I know people don't believe me, but...I trust my husband on that. He knows i do, so why would he lie that he does. He wouldn't.


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Sure thing  Although he's a sex addict so you aren't going to get a typical answer. His whole sex life before he met me was atypical I think.


Oh. He's a "sex addict" lol. I was too. My wife cured me.would you say he also has an ADD type personality? Drinks a lot of coffee? Bets on sports?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

That's bizzarre tg!!

My husband, when he was single and after I kicked him out, masturbated every two days. He had a schedule heehee. The only time he's masturbated during our relationship was when he was cheating. And even then it wasn't very often because we still had sex fairly often. He says there's no need when he's gettin' it regularly.

"would you say he also has an ADD type personality? Drinks a lot of coffee? Bets on sports?" Nope. None of the above.


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> That's bizzarre tg!!
> 
> My husband, when he was single and after I kicked him out, masturbated every two days. He had a schedule heehee. The only time he's masturbated during our relationship was when he was cheating. And even then it wasn't very often because we still had sex fairly often. He says there's no need when he's gettin' it regularly.
> 
> "would you say he also has an ADD type personality? Drinks a lot of coffee? Bets on sports?" Nope. None of the above.


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DrNo (Jul 27, 2012)

I was just curious if sex addicts had common traits. Must just be me lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Don't know where this thread is going, but every time the OP posts I want to scream Troll and am amazed that anyone still engages him.....


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Don't know where this thread is going, but every time the OP posts I want to scream Troll and am amazed that anyone still engages him.....


Sorry to burst your bubble but people have been doing this for hundreds if not thousands of years. It is mostly practiced by people who are called 'Gnostics'. It helps if one does their research before calling people trolls. 

WELCOME TO UNIVERSAL GNOSIS


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

I was interviewed on ABC News about this.

abcnews.go.com/Health/karezza-lovemaking-orgasm-strengthens-marriages-advocates/story?id=16743124


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

All right chief. Let me ask this question. I have somewhere to go with this, but I'd like to know first. Have you read either "No more Mr. Nice Guy" or "Married Man's Sex Life Primer"


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I just asked for the science on how orgasms make couple retract from each other. Mattcook said that in another thread.

Maybe I missed the reply? I'd love to see the studies on that.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

that_girl said:


> I just asked for the science on how orgasms make couple retract from each other. Mattcook said that in another thread.
> 
> Maybe I missed the reply? I'd love to see the studies on that.


Marnia Robinson wrote Cupid's Poisoned Arrow that explains it quite well. There is no science community funding or support for anything perceived to be negative about sex in any way.

You have to do your own study. It's pretty easy to do if you aren't having many orgasms. If you are, then you will never see the difference.

I've kept a journal of modes and sex with me and my partner over the past months and seen it pretty clearly.

There is a two week cycle for many people and it can be pretty severe and people don't realize it because they see it as faults and problems with their partner.

The reason for this, is that nature wants women to make babies and men to spread their sperm around. Nature isn't designed to make us happy.

There are two basic ways of being in love, one powered by hormones having to do with the mating drive, including orgasms, and the other having to do with the bonding drive.

The bonding drive love is eternal, deep, full of the strongest feelings imaginable.

The mating drive love fizzles out after six months to two years in a new relationship. It is built around want, and wanting more, wanting different, want want want. It is never satisfied.

Healthy relationships of course have an element of wanting each other, but post-orgasm there are many hormones that are intended to drive us to other partners and to other people.

That's what makes all this so interesting. People never see this because they're so used to it. They've been having orgasms since adolescence and never been able to notice the effects over the longer term.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

WillK said:


> All right chief. Let me ask this question. I have somewhere to go with this, but I'd like to know first. Have you read either "No more Mr. Nice Guy" or "Married Man's Sex Life Primer"


Read Married Man's Sex Primer. Didn't read No More Mr. Nice Guy although I'm familiar with the thesis of it.


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## WillK (May 16, 2012)

mattcook said:


> Read Married Man's Sex Primer. Didn't read No More Mr. Nice Guy although I'm familiar with the thesis of it.


Alright good, so at least you know where I'm coming from. You don't say whether you agree with it, but I'll say that I do.

I clicked on the link and if you spoke, I didn't watch that far. It oozes with feminist anti-men view as the entire gender is sex fiends and the source of all evil.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Its hard for me to believe that this anti masturbation / anti orgasm thread is still running!

This is my perspective.
The OP said that he had completely cut out masturbation and it helped his marriage tremendously.
As far as I know, if a man refuses to masturbate, nor does he orgasm , his own body takes care of it.He WILL HAVE NOCTURNAL EMISSIONS or " WET DREAMS ."
What about his wife?
Does she still masturbate?
Most of what he said is focused IMO on men SUPPRESSING their natural sexual desires, because somehow, in his mind, this is an impediment to real intimacy between married couples.
So the question is,when a woman has a high sex drive , and she is in an emotionally fulfilling relationship, how does denying her an orgasm help ?
Early on in my marriage , when I was still learning my wife's sexuality ,I noticed that around a certain time of the month she would get extremely b!tchy and edgy for no reason at all. 
It was when her primal urge for sexual bonding and release was highest.[around a certain time during her menstrual cycle]. Whenever we had sex around time it was explosive and she would orgasm very quickly and sometimes even more powerfully.
Up to this day,it is still the best time for sex with her and I sometimes allow the tension to build in her . Makes for better sex.
If it were not for her ability to release via orgasms from sex during that period,my life would be a living hell. I would be clueless and our marriage might have been on the rocks.

I am sorry, but I cannot accept what the OP is advocating as a viable alternative to bonding.
Sex, and the urge to orgasm is as natural as the urge to pee.

History is replete with examples of those who have suppressed their natural sexual desires , and their resultant ,closeted deviant behaviour.
Suppressing ones natural sexual urges is the converse of overindulgence in sexual activity , and IMO just as bad.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

mattcook said:


> Marnia Robinson wrote Cupid's Poisoned Arrow that explains it quite well.


I'll admit I haven't read the book. I don't know if I will read the book. I don't know whether I will ever get past the fact that it's written by a corporate attorney, which makes me skeptical.

You see, I'm a lawyer, and I know lawyers like to claim that they know about things that they actually know nothing about.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Its hard for me to believe that this anti masturbation / anti orgasm thread is still running!
> 
> This is my perspective.
> The OP said that he had completely cut out masturbation and it helped his marriage tremendously.
> ...


Let me put it this way.

You keep talking about suppression.

I suppress my urges every day, sexually. My urge is to bend this young assistant over and do it to her, but I suppress that (I used to have this urge all the time.)

I have an urge to eat cake that is on the counter but I don't.

It's "natural" to do any number of things but our "higher" self, the top one inch layer of brain, the human part, controls what we do and exerts influence over those "natural" urges, and it does so every day, all the time.

I don't even have the urge to have an orgasm anymore. It is gone. It was gone after about 3 weeks, actually. I am not suppressing anything.

I have amazing feelings and the deepest passion for my partner all the time every waking minute. There has never been a time I've felt this way except when we first met.

And this is even better.

So what exactly am I "suppressing"? If I have an orgasm, then those feelings are gone. And they are replaced with feeling crummy really. With feelings of lack and want instead of feelings of wonderfulness and having it all. Why do I want that exactly?


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

mattcook said:


> So what exactly am I "suppressing"? If I have an orgasm, then those feelings are gone. And they are replaced with feeling crummy really. With feelings of lack and want instead of feelings of wonderfulness and having it all. Why do I want that exactly?


Maybe this is why I'm having such a hard time understanding your position. I generally feel like a million bucks after an orgasm with my wife.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

After I orgasm, I want MORE sex with my HUSBAND. So...your 'theory' may just be for yourself.

I am not repulsed by my husband after orgasm. I don't believe he is either because he pulls me close and we chill and talk and laugh for a while, then fall asleep.

I was by some exes...but that's because I wasn't all that into them to begin with.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

mattcook said:


> Let me put it this way.
> 
> You keep talking about suppression.
> 
> ...


My point EXACTLY!
After my orgasm my wife sometimes BEG me to stay inside of her. If I withdraw,she gets upset.....Sometimes she whispers in my ear," dont move" and she skilfully makes her way on top with me inside her still and starts doing her Kegels , whilst knitting her fingers into mine and staring deeply into my eyes. She may also slowly work her hips,which keeps me hard.
She tells me that its one of the sweetest feelings she has ever had.The feeling of her orgasmic afterglow,and my P still very erect inside of her.
She also tell me that when I climax inside of her,sometimes my discharge is so hot and forceful that she sometimes gets little " mini orgasms " again. [ After she has had hers.]

I just gave you an exact very detailed account of what actually happens with my wife & I during sex. 
We have NEVER had anything but positive , good , feelings of closeness after. 
When we are apart for a few days,the first item on the agenda for her when we are back together is sex. Sometimes it ends up being all that's on the agenda.

Sorry,
I , neither her have any such " illusions " of feeling " crummy " after orgasmic sex. In fact,the only time she gets grumpy after sex is if she didn't have an orgasm..........


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I felt crummy after sex when I had guilt and a ton of hangups from sex...put upon by my religious mother.

Broke that pattern when I was 27!


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

I don't feel bad after an orgasm. I feel a bit drained sometimes but I feel great. But the feelings that I have now are so much better than that ever was. That's why I do this. It's so pleasurable compared to how it was before.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

mattcook said:


> I don't feel bad after an orgasm. I feel a bit drained sometimes but I feel great. But the feelings that I have now are so much better than that ever was. That's why I do this. It's so pleasurable compared to how it was before.


You've experienced what you've experienced and if it is something that works for you and your wife, that is truly wonderful and more power to you.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I think the major point of tension here lies in the fact that:

People seem baffled by what MattCook is talking about. It seem unusual, and even unbelievable. But head over to any active board for Tantric sex practitioners and you'll see people describing experiences like Matt's on the regular.

Matt is coming off like his way is the correct way, and that the rest of us are missing out. He seems to believe that the improvements he's made to his marriage, and sex life, have merit for everyone else, and doesn't seem to gather that many people don't require this unusual path to find the exact same benefits that Matt is describing.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

jaquen said:


> I think the major point of tension here lies in the fact that:
> 
> People seem baffled by what MattCook is talking about. It seem unusual, and even unbelievable. But head over to any active board for Tantric sex practitioners and you'll see people describing experiences like Matt's on the regular.
> 
> Matt is coming off like his way is the correct way, and that the rest of us are missing out. He seems to believe that the improvements he's made to his marriage, and sex life, have merit for everyone else, and doesn't seem to gather that many people don't require this unusual path to find the exact same benefits that Matt is describing.


:iagree:

Very perceptive post. We'd probably get the same reception if we went to a Tantric board as he's getting here. But I guarantee you I'm not going to to to such a board to try to persuade Tantric practitioners of the error of their ways, and the converse also should be true.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

GTdad said:


> *You've experienced what you've experienced and if it is something that works for you and your wife, that is truly wonderful and more power to you*.


Well , I guess its " to each his own.."

Maybe there's some merit in what he's trying to say,but the basis for his arguments seem flawed to me.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

i think there is ground here for people to try stuff they haven't thought about. Nobody really consciously thinks that much about sex and bonding. That's what this is about, creating a bonding connection that is much stronger and that outweighs the typical fertilization sex that our biology has planted us with. There are various ways to go. But trying this stuff out is extremely rewarding.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

mattcook said:


> i think there is ground here for people to try stuff they haven't thought about. *Nobody really consciously thinks that much about sex and bonding.* That's what this is about, creating a bonding connection that is much stronger and that outweighs the typical fertilization sex that our biology has planted us with. There are various ways to go. But trying this stuff out is extremely rewarding.


And, yet again, you're making massive assumptions.

I've run into plenty of people here at TAM who very much think of sex as a bonding experience. People, myself included, who are not slaves to, or driven primarily by, some innate biological need to fertilize. 

This is where you keep running into trouble. You seem to fancy yourself someone enlightened, and the rest of us are mere rabbits jack hammering it out on the quick, mindlessly, and without consideration. 

Have you considered that all of the benefits you're talking about here so incessantly some of us have already achieved, while continuing to orgasm? Has it not struck you at all that you took to this road to try and achieve a place some of us already arrived at, long ago, and without ceasing masturbation or orgasm to do so?

You took down this road because you were apparently having some problems with porn, and erectile dysfunction with "real girls". This road you've taken to has helped you correct a problem. All well and good, but consider that quite a few of us don't have this problem, and therefore have no need for your solution. Some of us are having GREAT sex, regardless.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

mattcook said:


> i think there is ground here for people to try stuff they haven't thought about. Nobody really consciously thinks that much about sex and bonding. That's what this is about, creating a bonding connection that is much stronger and that outweighs the typical fertilization sex that our biology has planted us with. There are various ways to go. But trying this stuff out is extremely rewarding.


I personally think that there might be something to this. Some time ago I discovered that things are different when I don't orgasm during sex with my wife. Initially it wasn't anything intentional ... we'd try to sneak a moment away from the kids and get interrupted. I have done it intentionally as a part of fetish play a couple of times, and liked it.

It doesn't happen very often, but when I don't orgasm I am definately more into my wife between the times when we can have sex. I feel more "into her". I enjoy touching her more, both non-sexually with hand holding and back rubs and sexually fondling her breasts and vulva. I pay more attention to her body language and feel better about my relationship with her.

I am naturally curious and love to try new things. I would love to try it long term. It seems easy enough to just focus on her and not push too far. My wife would rather orgasm when we have sex, so it might not be a mutual experiment at first but maybe she'll play along. Since I totally get off on giving her sexual pleasure I am okay with either way, but we'll see where it goes.

However, I'll ask where you suggest that I go for more information on tips and techniques? If you direct me to a pay web site, then of course I'll question your motivation for posting here (as others have). If your goal is to enlighten others, then there shouldn't be a monetary pitch. A web site that accepts support donations in addition to free content (like TAM, for example) is okay. 

I am willing to try this and report our experiences.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

made love to the wife for along time last night and could not get a nut to save my life.........

not such a big fan, kinda sucked . I much prefer a happy ending for all!


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

pplwatching said:


> I personally think that there might be something to this. Some time ago I discovered that things are different when I don't orgasm during sex with my wife. Initially it wasn't anything intentional ... we'd try to sneak a moment away from the kids and get interrupted. I have done it intentionally as a part of fetish play a couple of times, and liked it.
> 
> It doesn't happen very often, but when I don't orgasm I am definately more into my wife between the times when we can have sex. I feel more "into her". I enjoy touching her more, both non-sexually with hand holding and back rubs and sexually fondling her breasts and vulva. I pay more attention to her body language and feel better about my relationship with her.
> 
> ...


That's fantastic. You've noticed that you feel closer and more bonded at these between-times. These feelings will multiply in their depth as you go a bit longer. 

My wife has orgasms sometimes too, and I don't and she does. I figure it's her business if she wants to have an orgasm and it really isn't mine. I will help her along if she asks, but I won't offer. It's better for her and for me not to have them and us guys love helping our women get off but that's our ego talking.

The longer she goes without one, the better for her. She looks younger and is much calmer and more relaxed. She has a glow about her. Others at her gym have noticed, it's not just me that has picked up on this.

Now, I want to share how I do this, but let me first share my agenda.

I'm not here to sell any products directly, but rather to help people become successful at this and to learn from it.

I'm here to get some success stories going. Pure and simple, my agenda is to get others to move their lives ahead through this type of an approach as I've taken. 

So my approach is this. We spend a lot of time every day bonding. That is key. Snuggling, cuddling, eye gazing, holding hands, scrunching up together when we watch TV, etc.

Can't over emphasize the importance of this. Just can't. 

Second, we use lube. Foreplay isn't a good idea here as it can lead us down the path of mating sex and orgasms. So she won't necessarily be wet when I insert.

Third, I focus on the root of my penis. Women should focus on their breasts and relaxing their pelvic floor. I have meditated on the root of my penis and I focus my attention and relax that area and that is what lets the energy really flow.

Fourth, is a balance between quiet stillness and movement. This is a sort of meditation. Sometimes I go fast, sometimes very slow or still. And we hang out that way.

When is it over? When we have other things to move onto. It is never really over. It just continues all the time, it's very cool that way.

Just try it. If you can keep from orgasming for 3 weeks you'll get the maximum feelings by then and you won't want to go back. It's just incredible that we don't discover this for ourselves.

I never expected this when I stopped masturbation for awhile. Never expected it would lead to the depth of feelings I have now. It is indescribable and I know others who try this get the same feelings out of it. I know they do.

There is a fantastic resource on all this, and it's where I learned it, which is here and you won't find anything commercial about it. They don't even ask for contributions and there are very helpful people there and lots of questions answered in that link.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I feel more "into her". I enjoy touching her more, both non-sexually with hand holding and back rubs and sexually fondling her breasts and vulva.

Her Vulva????


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

When I have sex, it's always about bonding.  Orgasm or not.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

that_girl said:


> When I have sex, it's always about bonding.  Orgasm or not.


:iagree:

Miss your avatars though.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

sinnister said:


> Her Vulva????


Well, TAM bleeps out the fun words


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

sinnister said:


> I feel more "into her". I enjoy touching her more, both non-sexually with hand holding and back rubs and sexually fondling her breasts and vulva.
> 
> Her Vulva????


??

What's wrong with the word vulva? It's equivalent to using the word "penis." It's probably the word for that part of a woman's anatomy that will offend the fewest.

Heck, I'm glad to see someone know the difference between "vulva" and "vagina". So many people seem to think the words are synonyms.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

The longest I've been able to abstain was for 3 months, 7 is a bloody feat!. Then again I didn't have a partner at the time and watched no porn. Just the sight of a woman in a skirt made me go insane!. I think porn really desensitizes you.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

Complexity said:


> The longest I've been able to abstain was for 3 months, 7 is a bloody feat!. Then again I didn't have a partner at the time and watched no porn. Just the sight of a woman in a skirt made me go insane!. I think porn really desensitizes you.


well it's easy. I'm not abstaining! People don't get the power of bonding.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

mattcook said:


> I will help her along if she asks, but I won't offer. It's better for her and for me not to have them and us guys love helping our women get off but that's our ego talking.


IMHO one partner deciding what's best for the other is, at best, contrary to the principles of married love. I can decide if forgoing orgasm is for me, but I have no right to decide that on her behalf. If she regularly wants foreplay and orgasms during sex, it seems rather passive-agressive and maybe even manipulative to insist that she ask for it just because I think it's best that she doesn't get it. I would imagine that would cause tension in our bedroom, and I have had enough of that to last me a life time.

While there probably is a component of ego in enjoying giving her pleasure, it goes much much deeper than that. It is extremely arousing and deeply intimate to see, feel, and taste her excitement in every phase of her arousal and release. 

If I want to forgoe orgasm, it's up to me to make that happen while giving her anything that she wants sexually. But that's my opinion. I do plan to try this, but if it interferes with her enjoyment of our sexual intimacy it will be a short experiment.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

pplwatching said:


> IMHO one partner deciding what's best for the other is, at best, contrary to the principles of married love. I can decide if forgoing orgasm is for me, but I have no right to decide that on her behalf. If she regularly wants foreplay and orgasms during sex, it seems rather passive-agressive and maybe even manipulative to insist that she ask for it just because I think it's best that she doesn't get it. I would imagine that would cause tension in our bedroom, and I have had enough of that to last me a life time.
> 
> While there probably is a component of ego in enjoying giving her pleasure, it goes much much deeper than that. It is extremely arousing and deeply intimate to see, feel, and taste her excitement in every phase of her arousal and release.
> 
> If I want to forgoe orgasm, it's up to me to make that happen while giving her anything that she wants sexually. But that's my opinion. I do plan to try this, but if it interferes with her enjoyment of our sexual intimacy it will be a short experiment.


Like I said, I do what my partner asks. It is easy enough and I love doing it. It's built into our brains to want to please our partners in bed, for sure.

But, it's really not the best. It just isn't. As people go without orgasm for about 2 or 3 weeks a whole new world opens up to them. But getting there can be tough.

If you say to your partner "I'm not going to have an orgasm" she might be quite upset. She may not like it at all. You have to show what I see as attractive masculine qualities of resolution and leadership. 

For me, that's in my not coming. She may not like it but that's her business. Just as her orgasms are her business. 

You can't try something like this without understanding the framework for it and the advantages of it. It takes resolve and without the theory, you may not be able to follow through.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

mattcook said:


> Like I said, I do what my partner asks. It is easy enough and I love doing it. It's built into our brains to want to please our partners in bed, for sure. But, it's really not the best. It just isn't.


I think an important question is, "why should she have to ask?" I have to ask my son to clean his room all of the time. If I don't ask, it doesn't get done. It can be frustrating at times, but having a clean room isn't his priority or goal. It's mine.

My goal in my marriage is to constantly strive to anticipate my wife's needs and meet them without having to be asked. I don't expect that from my son because that's not the nature of our relationship, but it's an important part of my marriage.

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion. The best that any of us can do is find what works for us. If this works for you, that's great. 



> For me, that's in my not coming. She may not like it but that's her business. Just as her orgasms are her business.


There are advantages and disadvantages to everything. It sounds like in your case one disadvantage is that your wife doesn't like you practicing this technique. In marriage we don't live in a vacuum. It is paramount to consider how our actions affect our partner. It's just my opinion, but IMHO that is a problem that you need to resolve. I think that you are over simplifying the role that sex plays in a marriage. Our orgasms are, of course, our choice but they are each of our's business.

It seems perhaps naive to look at any one approach through a peep hole and ignore other possibilities. There are theories, for example, that semen benefits women (see Health Benefits of Semen - Yahoo! Voices - voices.yahoo.com). If, for example, the theory that semen may be an antidepressant for women is true then withholding ejaculation may not be for the best.

Deciding that what she wants "is not the best" for her seems to be contrary to married love. That's my opinion. I know my wife enjoys foreplay and orgasms. Making her ask for either is trying to make my goals become hers, and to change her behavior by not meeting her needs unless she asks.


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## rigcol (Jul 24, 2012)

Huh ... What the heck have I stumbled across here?


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## baggins (Mar 23, 2013)

Hi all. I thought I would share my experience as it has transformed my relationship.

My wife and I have been married for twenty years. Our sex life had become almost non-existent and our relationship had suffered because of this. We read a detailed article on orgasm restriction which seemed rather drakonian at first yet - it required the male to give full control over his orgasms to his wife, forever. This appealed to me for the "wrong reasons" in that it seemed like a fun sexual game. The fantasy has largely faded now as the fantasy of having no control over orgasms has become a permenant realty.

The "rules" say the female can orgasm as much as she wants but that the male should only orgasm very rarely, once or maybe twice a year! Instead the male is "edged" - brought to the edge of orgasm but never allowed to actually cum. This is remarkably satisfying as you get to stay on a sexual high for hours in exchange for a few seconds of orgasm.

In addition the male is allowed to ejaculate by masturbation every few week when the female wants a break! The masturbation must be quick (maximum 30 seconds start to finish) as this reduces any orgasm, and must be done directly into the toilet so that he has to bend his erect penis down into the toilet at the crucial moment: this means he cannot continue to stimulate his penis while he ejaculates which minimises orgasm further, and having to concentrate on aiming, together with the fact that bending the erect penis down is uncomfortable, means ejaculation happens with little or no orgasm. The female send the male to the toilet when she wants to reduce his sex drive and he must leave the bathroom door open and his partner will either watch or will be nearby so that she can hear him and could look in at any moment so that he won't be tempted to cheat.

The reason for stopping the male having an orgasm while masturbating is to make masturbation unsatisfyng and concentrate his sexual thoughts on his partner. 

When you know you will not orgasm while makin love you can concntrate on the greater pleasures of making love and be more adventurous instead of seeking quick orgasmic gratification. It also means your erections are stronger and sex can last as long as you both want it to.

It also means that making love ends with a long cuddle and warm feelings of love rather than the male rolling over and falling asleep while the female runs to the toilet with a wad of tissue between her legs to clean herself up.

The amazing thing about this agreement is how much more my wife wants to make love now; she gets turned on by me being rampant all the time and she is happy to stroke my erection and play with me much more now since she knows I won't be demanding sex every time she touches my penis as I am not going to orgasm anyway.

The result of all this is that we are much closer now, have sex much more often and much more satisfying love life.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

baggins said:


> Hi all. I thought I would share my experience as it has transformed my relationship.
> 
> My wife and I have been married for twenty years. Our sex life had become almost non-existent and our relationship had suffered because of this. We read a detailed article on orgasm restriction which seemed rather drakonian at first yet - it required the male to give full control over his orgasms to his wife, forever. This appealed to me for the "wrong reasons" in that it seemed like a fun sexual game. The fantasy has largely faded now as the fantasy of having no control over orgasms has become a permenant realty.
> 
> ...


I think the urge to orgasm during sex is natural and highly beneficial to both partners , for a number of reasons.
Bearing this in mind, if the man does not want too orgasm, then all he has to do is apply a desensitizing agent to the head of the penis before sex and he would not orgasm.
I really don't see the need for all of those strict rules and rituals , and giving a woman control of what your body was designed to do by nature.....
Furthermore if a man does not orgasm for a period of time, seminal fluid builds up in his testicles, and it is released naturally, without masturbation or sex during his sleep via nocturnal emissions.
No need for that " ..30 seconds over the toilet with the door open.."

Sounds a bit like domination and control.
But then, some men are into that sort of stuff.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

mattcook said:


> I love this forum and appreciate it. I just found it.
> 
> I have stopped masturbating about seven months ago.
> 
> ...


Wow, you sound like the perfect husband, no nasty old pornclean up around the house, sex all the time, no messy semen to mop up....Absolutely perfect...Almost like you were invented by a woman....I think I will have to play the BS card on this post..


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

mattcook said:


> Well, you can continue having orgasms of course. But it really does improve your life a lot not to masturbate. And improves the marriage a huge amount.
> 
> The reason I don't have orgasms is only because our sex is so much better this way without that 15 second "and now it's over" ejaculation.
> 
> ...



Why don't you try sex without sex.....Now that would be really awesome!!!!!!!.....:rofl:


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> Wow, you sound like the perfect husband, no nasty old pornclean up around the house, sex all the time, no messy semen to mop up....Absolutely perfect...Almost like you were invented by a woman....I think I will have to play the BS card on this post..


Think that was called on page one... maybe page two. I got one similar to that though... the difference is that he doesn't hold back his orgasms.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

mattcook said:


> I believe that if a man quits masturbation for awhile he won't have performance anxieties, most of the time for most men.
> 
> As another poster said, I smell snake oil.....
> 
> ...


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Don't know where this thread is going, but every time the OP posts I want to scream Troll and am amazed that anyone still engages him.....



Here, let me help you....TROLL TROLL TROLL 

TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL TROLL :rofl:

WITH A SIDE ORDER OF SPAM SMOTHERED IN SNAKE OIL SAUCE.....:lol:


Remember when the term crackpot had a negative conotation?

Wise'em up
the woodchuck


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

baggins said:


> Hi all. I thought I would share my experience as it has transformed my relationship.
> 
> My wife and I have been married for twenty years. Our sex life had become almost non-existent and our relationship had suffered because of this. We read a detailed article on orgasm restriction which seemed rather drakonian at first yet - it required the male to give full control over his orgasms to his wife, forever. This appealed to me for the "wrong reasons" in that it seemed like a fun sexual game. The fantasy has largely faded now as the fantasy of having no control over orgasms has become a permenant realty.
> 
> ...


It looks like you joined TAM solely to support Mattcook....Almost like someone trying to sell something to somebody......:rofl:


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

mattcook said:


> And by the way, I don't have orgasms anymore either. I haven't for seven months. Sex is one long incredibly pleasurable experience and I have no desire to have an orgasm or ejaculation.


I have written huge amounts about semen retention on this forum. I also practice it. However, I think you *should* cum occasionally whether you want to or not. I think once a month is the longest you should hold out. For younger guys, ejaculating at least once per week is recommended. It's good to keep the tubes clear, and stops too much zinc building up in the semen reservoirs.

But apart from that, I whole heartedly concur with you, cutting down on ejaculations is the fastest way to help push ED into the background


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

The only reason I sometimes masturbate and watch porn is because my wife's LD. 1 - 3x month doesn't cut it. If she had a normal 3 - 4x each week or higher drive, zero masturbation and zero porn, unless she has fantasies and wants to do them with me. There is no way you can expect a HD person to kill their sex drive, no way. I'm happy it worked out for you but that's not for me.

Ejaculating 3x every week lowers the risk of heart disease and other issues by up to 50%.


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> The only reason I sometimes masturbate and watch porn is because my wife's LD. 1 - 3x month doesn't cut it. If she had a normal 3 - 4x each week or higher drive, zero masturbation and zero porn, unless she has fantasies and wants to do them with me. There is no way you can expect a HD person to kill their sex drive, no way. I'm happy it worked out for you but that's not for me.
> 
> Ejaculating 3x every week lowers the risk of heart disease and other issues by up to 50%.


I don't believe that there is good evidence for the need for males to ejaculate regularly as far as lowering issues with heart disease or even prostate cancer. But who knows?

I can understand why you masturbate in this situation. However, my wife is also low drive and we have sex 4 or more times a week and for a long time, usually more than 30 minutes and often longer.

What satisfies my very high sex drive is very frequent intercourse and lots of it. Ejaculation is something I generally avoid but that isn't for everyone. You might try it though and see how your views change. Try it for 3 weeks. And don't edge or use porn for those 3 weeks. Just see how your world changes. You can always go back to masturbating and using porn.


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Seems pointless. Like chewing your food and spitting it out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

mattcook said:


> I don't believe that there is good evidence for the need for males to ejaculate regularly as far as lowering issues with heart disease or even prostate cancer. But who knows?
> 
> I can understand why you masturbate in this situation. However, my wife is also low drive and we have sex 4 or more times a week and for a long time, usually more than 30 minutes and often longer.
> 
> What satisfies my very high sex drive is very frequent intercourse and lots of it. Ejaculation is something I generally avoid but that isn't for everyone. You might try it though and see how your views change. Try it for 3 weeks. And don't edge or use porn for those 3 weeks. Just see how your world changes. You can always go back to masturbating and using porn.



Your wifee has a normal sex drive (3 - 4x week). A LD is 1x roughly each week or less.

There is some science behind sex 3x each week.

A woman that is LD isn't going to want sex 3 - 4x each week and for 30 or more minutes each time. She will avoid sex and keep it to a bare minimum and make it a quickie and its almost a chore to her.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

This thread is unbelievable on so many levels. April fools??


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## mattcook (Jul 19, 2012)

I don't really care what you think MrBrains or others who simply attack the ideas and experiences here and have nothing more to add. 

I know that it sounds wacky but a lot of things sound wacky when you have been conditioned to think otherwise.

I'm cool with reasoned responses and experience, but I'm not cool with ad hominem attacks.


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## anonymoussource (Oct 26, 2013)

Maricha75 said:


> Ummmm.... not sure if you got it with my last post, but he always has, since we have been together, saved them all for me... and he has had them every time we have had sex, except for interactions with his medications. And trust me, it isn't a 15 second thing and he's done.


Hope you aren't in for a rude announcement...


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## nicky3791 (Jan 21, 2013)

Wow, wish mine would read this story. Hmm, maybe Ill send the link to his email....


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

nicky3791 said:


> Wow, wish mine would read this story. Hmm, maybe Ill send the link to his email....


Somehow I think you will find it difficult to sell him on the OP's ideal of non-orgasmic sex.


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## DesertRat1978 (Aug 27, 2013)

I tried not satisfying myself back last year and about lost my mind. I would get all touchy feely with her and get turned down like I was asking her to watch Australian Rules Soccer. Not masturbating made my desire for her go up but her reaction to me was just as indifferent as ever. It is worth trying again next year after she gives birth.


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## dasan (Apr 4, 2013)

I've started the 'no masturbation' rule as well; my desire is through the roof and I'd say it's brought us closer as I'm always trying to get her in the mood and bend over backwards to do so--chores, nightly foot rubs, etc. My wife says she's delighted by the change in attitude.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

dasan said:


> I've started the 'no masturbation' rule as well; my desire is through the roof and I'd say it's brought us closer as I'm always trying to get her in the mood and bend over backwards to do so--chores, nightly foot rubs, etc. My wife says she's delighted by the change in attitude.


I imagine she is. After you're done with the your job, the cooking, vacuuming, dusting, and foot rubs, I'm amazed you have either the time or the energy for sex.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Holy **** - this sounds awful. Like non alcoholic beer and Funnerworks.


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