# Rejection



## Canada75

I think the hardest part of being left is that my wife of 17 years whom I loved and cherished for so long would rather see her son half the time, pay me $200+ a month and give up any rights to the matrimonial home(her choice) and all savings we had (her choice) then spend another second with me. 

You may know my story from the going through separation/divorce forum but it doesn't really matter. Everyone here knows how it feels to be left and that feeling of rejection and pain. Most days I'm doing well but today it hit home a bit. I find it very hard when I'm out and watch families interacting with each other. I wonder if she watches them too and ever feels......well anything. We were that family up until she said she needed space. Blind sided is an understatement. We were house hunting, when I asked if she saw the house for sale I emailed to her. "I needed to talk to you about that" is what she said. 

I'm glad I never got the ILYBINILWY speech from her. It was always I love you with long tight hugs, I just need space.....and now space and her are a couple...lol. I presume she left me for another guy but don't necessarily have proof. I just figured if you have a guy over and cook him dinner after just 4 months out of a long term relationship I would think they knew each other well before that. We don't talk at all anymore and she lives a 1 min drive away. Neither of us goes to the door to drop off our son, we just park the car and he jumps out.....very sad really. The night before she "officially" left we were making Christmas and summer vacation plans. I don't think I will really ever understand, I guess that is just the type of person I married. Whenever someone outside of our marriage peeked my interest in any way I shut it down immediately in my head as I knew the only women I ever needed was my love and best friend at home. Apparently she didn't do the same.

I wonder if she will ever regret it, as most people wonder who have been left for another person. 
That feeling of not being good enough will take some time to get over while she is happy (I presume) with her new guy. She never skipped a beat, just went from me (17 years) to him. Who does that....well I guess a lot of people do or there would be no need for this forum.

Just feeling sorry for myself I guess......pity party today and your all invited!!


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## EleGirl

At this point, you need to turn your focus to yourself and your child. 

You will be on an emotional rollercoaster for a while. But the more you fill your life with doing things for yourself and your children, the quicker that rollercoaster will stop and let you off.


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## Elizabeth001

Yeah I get it. My ex and I had a beautiful home, two great jobs, two new vehicles. He had a beautiful & loving wife that would bend over backwards for him. He didn't leave me for another person, unless you can include himself. 

It takes a while to stop asking yourself why. It also takes time to stop wondering if they regret it. You'll get there. I'm almost there 


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## Canada75

EleGirl said:


> At this point, you need to turn your focus to yourself and your child.
> 
> You will be on an emotional rollercoaster for a while. But the more you fill your life with doing things for yourself and your children, the quicker that rollercoaster will stop and let you off.


I am focusing on my son and myself, in fact we have a week long camping trip coming up soon. I also understand that this healing process can take awhile for both myself and my son. We are both in therapy. I'm doing alright most days but there is always that underlying hurt, pain, and rejection that my last post was trying to convey. That pain you get in your heart and stomach is still present, Albeit not as bad as 8 months ago. How do you fall out of love with someone....lol...sigh!


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## hylton7

hope every thing goes well for you dude


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## EleGirl

Canada75 said:


> I am focusing on my son and myself, in fact we have a week long camping trip coming up soon. I also understand that this healing process can take awhile for both myself and my son. We are both in therapy. I'm doing alright most days but there is always that underlying hurt, pain, and rejection that my last post was trying to convey. That pain you get in your heart and stomach is still present, Albeit not as bad as 8 months ago. *How do you fall out of love with someone*....lol...sigh!


Time heals. 

You are not seeing much of her so that's good.

The less you think of her, the quicker it will go. Every time you think of her, your brain produces oxytocin which literally puts her in your head. If you stop thinking of her, the production of oxytocin will also stop. Try redirecting your thoughts, every time you start to think of her, stop yourself and think of something that you enjoy... I used to think of walking in the waves on a beach. Perhaps you could stop your thoughts of her and start thinking about things you do with her children that you enjoy. See their faces. Or think of other good things in your life.

Dating might help as well.


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## Elizabeth001

Canada75 said:


> I am focusing on my son and myself, in fact we have a week long camping trip coming up soon. I also understand that this healing process can take awhile for both myself and my son. We are both in therapy. I'm doing alright most days but there is always that underlying hurt, pain, and rejection that my last post was trying to convey. That pain you get in your heart and stomach is still present, Albeit not as bad as 8 months ago. How do you fall out of love with someone....lol...sigh!




You don't fall out of love. You just take time and heal from it, much like a death. 

Peace to you. It will pass. 


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## BobSimmons

Canada75 said:


> I think the hardest part of being left is that my wife of 17 years whom I loved and cherished for so long would rather see her son half the time, pay me $200+ a month and give up any rights to the matrimonial home(her choice) and all savings we had (her choice) *then spend another second with me. *


Sorry to crash the pity party but really it has very little to do with you per say.

You get to deal with the giant load of horse crap she dumped at your door, she gets to bury her head in a new relationship, neglect to see her boy, give up her house and give you all the cash. Sure maybe she feels sorry for you and there maybe some guilt but OM is like a beacon and nothing will stop her from getting to him. You are incidental and just in the way.

So sure if the OM and her go on the splits she will finally have look at herself in the mirror more importantly look into herself.

Don't use this time to throw pity parties, mourn her, then enjoy your time with your boy and bringing your own dates over for dinner.


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## katiecrna

I am so sorry!! I will never understand how anyone can do this personally. 
Some People are cruel and only think of themselves. And the annoying part is that the good one (you) will take a while to get over it while the wrong, terrible person is already over it. That's what makes me most upset. Life isn't fair. But the cream always rises eventually. Your a good person and you will eventually be ok. Grieve your loss and then let it go.


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## sokillme

Sadly things in life end. See this like a death, mourn for a while but understand that your life will go on and you will find joy again.


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## Canada75

BobSimmons said:


> *You are incidental and just in the way.*


That sums it up, how I was treated and how I feel. Now I sit in an empty house that we made into a home together writing on a marriage forum site looking for help, healing, and understanding and she is off getting "plowed" by some other guy. I hope she feels guilty, what she has done to our family is just mind boggling. She doesn't see the hurt she has caused our son because he acts nice when they're together. He then comes here and on occasion treats me awful, lashes out, cry's for no reason, and utters some pretty mean stuff to me. The therapist told me that the child usually blames and acts out on the parent that stayed instead of the parent that left.

Like I said, poor me. Just having an off day and letting sh*t out. I will be strong again tomorrow!!


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## Vinnydee

Most do leave for another guy. Usually they will keep the husband as their security blanket by giving them hope when in reality they just want to make sure things work out for them with the new guy or guys yet to come, before filing for divorce. What is strange is that she walked away from her kids. Usually the mothers fight to the death for child custody. She is one stone cold lady and how you missed that is beyond me. I feel for you.


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## Canada75

Vinnydee said:


> Most do leave for another guy. Usually they will keep the husband as their security blanket by giving them hope when in reality they just want to make sure things work out for them with the new guy or guys yet to come, before filing for divorce. What is strange is that she walked away from her kids. Usually the mothers fight to the death for child custody. She is one stone cold lady and how you missed that is beyond me. I feel for you.


Sorry if I mislead you. We have 50/50 custody but she still has to pay me child support.
Yep, she strung me along for months. It wasn't until I found her having dinner at her place before I realized the full extent of the lies. That is when my dignity and pride took over and I followed through on the "180". It gets broken from time to time but I have stopped all communication with her unless it is about our son. I use to do it in hopes of getting her back, but since then I have been doing for myself and my sanity. Hard to imagine the most important person in your life, the one I loved the most would hurt me so badly. 17 years thrown out the window for that new car smell.....life sucks sometimes!
I would understand if I was a bad father or husband but I wasn't. I wasn't perfect but who is. Never cheated, never hit her, always let her know how special and important she was and always spent time doing things as a family. I guess this guy just flirted with her a bit (or vice versa) and she started to think that I was not good for her anymore and that he would make her happy. It was strong enough attraction for her to not worry about seeing her son (who turns 10 this year) 50% of the time and have to pay me child support for the next 9 years. Rejection is cruel.


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## manwithnoname

For your sake, I hope you get over her soon. If she comes to you and says she wants to R, what would you do?

Once you are totally over her, you can tell her to go **** herself if she tries to come back.


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## Elizabeth001

manwithnoname said:


> For your sake, I hope you get over her soon. If she comes to you and says she wants to R, what would you do?
> 
> 
> 
> Once you are totally over her, you can tell her to go **** herself if she tries to come back.




Yaa...when the sparkle wears off of the new toy. 


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## Canada75

manwithnoname said:


> For your sake, I hope you get over her soon. If she comes to you and says she wants to R, what would you do?
> 
> Once you are totally over her, you can tell her to go **** herself if she tries to come back.


Unfortunately, like a lot of people on here I somewhere deep down inside wish I had my family back together. I read stories on this forum of how the WS comes to their senses and they R the relationship and they are happier now then they were before. I think it would need a ton of work to ever get back to where we were but I don't see her making the effort and since i'm not talking to her that would make it kind of hard. 

I tried for a long time to win her back. I held her hand while she left me thinking perhaps if I was sweet to her, helpful, and understanding that she would reconsider....it didn't work of course. So yes the one person in the world who hurt me the most I want back in my life. I really think there was a lot of different factors why she left, physiological factors, depression, MLC etc....not just another guy but something deep down inside of her that just snapped. I hope one day she tries to work through them again.

I dream of it often but I really wouldn't know what to say if she ever asked to come back. A huge part of me wants her back and our nice family dynamic. The laughs we all had, the fun we all had, but she has caused some very deep life altering scars in me that the effort would be way too much for her to handle I think. Call it what you may, I miss our family, I miss my wife...not the one that left and hurt me and my son so much but the one before the depression...before the sadness...before the new man that she saw as some sort of saviour. 

17 years thrown away without an ounce of effort to try and make it work. I tried everything, but I guess her mind was made up at that point. Sad really....hope I'm feeling better tomorrow. These days come up now and again and this time I thought I would share. I can't be the only person out here that feels this way.


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## Bellaballoo

Hugs to you! Coming out of a 15 year marriage (although different circumstances), some days are hard and you can't stop wondering why and how. 

I'm sorry for your pain. I'm hanging to the fact that I know if I do what I need to in order to deal with it, I will come out stronger and happier on the other side.


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## Diana7

EleGirl said:


> Time heals.
> 
> You are not seeing much of her so that's good.
> 
> The less you think of her, the quicker it will go. Every time you think of her, your brain produces oxytocin which literally puts her in your head. If you stop thinking of her, the production of oxytocin will also stop. Try redirecting your thoughts, every time you start to think of her, stop yourself and think of something that you enjoy... I used to think of walking in the waves on a beach. Perhaps you could stop your thoughts of her and start thinking about things you do with her children that you enjoy. See their faces. Or think of other good things in your life.
> 
> Dating might help as well.


 While you are still in love with your ex, dating is premature.


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## hylton7

has your son seen the other man?


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## Canada75

hylton7 said:


> has your son seen the other man?


Not that I'm aware of. There is a clause in our agreement that we both agree there would be no introduction of another boyfriend/girlfriend to our son for a 6 month period. I think at some point he was playing games online with a friend from "mommy's work" or that is how he explained it. I texted her telling her if that is the guy she is with to stop it. I then added in "person or online" to the agreement and he hasn't talked about it since. So she will be able to introduce him to her new man in December but I'm not sure that she will. She has to give me 2 weeks notice before doing so anyways.


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## manwithnoname

Canada75 said:


> Not that I'm aware of. There is a clause in our agreement that we both agree there would be no introduction of another boyfriend/girlfriend to our son for a 6 month period. I think at some point he was playing games online with a friend from "mommy's work" or that is how he explained it. I texted her telling her if that is the guy she is with to stop it. I then added in "person or online" to the agreement and he hasn't talked about it since. So she will be able to introduce him to her new man in December but I'm not sure that she will. She has to give me 2 weeks notice before doing so anyways.


Why not just ask your son? "Have you met any of mommy's new friends" If the answer is yes, find out more. If the answer is no, ask "Did mommy tell you to say that? If she has 50/50 custody it is quite likely your kid has met him.


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## manwithnoname

Canada75 said:


> Unfortunately, like a lot of people on here I somewhere deep down inside wish I had my family back together. I read stories on this forum of how the WS comes to their senses and they R the relationship and they are happier now then they were before. I think it would need a ton of work to ever get back to where we were but I don't see her making the effort and since i'm not talking to her that would make it kind of hard.
> 
> I tried for a long time to win her back. I held her hand while she left me thinking perhaps if I was sweet to her, helpful, and understanding that she would reconsider....it didn't work of course. So yes the one person in the world who hurt me the most I want back in my life. I really think there was a lot of different factors why she left, physiological factors, depression, MLC etc....not just another guy but something deep down inside of her that just snapped. I hope one day she tries to work through them again.
> 
> I dream of it often but I really wouldn't know what to say if she ever asked to come back. A huge part of me wants her back and our nice family dynamic. The laughs we all had, the fun we all had, but she has caused some very deep life altering scars in me that the effort would be way too much for her to handle I think. Call it what you may, I miss our family, I miss my wife...not the one that left and hurt me and my son so much but the one before the depression...before the sadness...before the new man that she saw as some sort of saviour.
> 
> 17 years thrown away without an ounce of effort to try and make it work. I tried everything, but I guess her mind was made up at that point. Sad really....hope I'm feeling better tomorrow. These days come up now and again and this time I thought I would share. I can't be the only person out here that feels this way.


This is all quite sad really. You are holding out hope on being promoted to back to plan B. All the things you miss about your wife you will never have again...with _her_. 

I've never been betrayed like this while married. I have been cheated on by a fiance, and at first I didn't know how to cope. Tried everything like yourself. After a while I go over it and actually was really happy it happened looking back.

Listen to those who have been through this, and their advice on the best way to move on. You need to get to that point.


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## Canada75

manwithnoname said:


> This is all quite sad really. You are holding out hope on being promoted to back to plan B. All the things you miss about your wife you will never have again...with _her_.
> 
> I've never been betrayed like this while married. I have been cheated on by a fiance, and at first I didn't know how to cope. Tried everything like yourself. After a while I go over it and actually was really happy it happened looking back.
> 
> Listen to those who have been through this, and their advice on the best way to move on. You need to get to that point.


Yes I understand how it sounds but I'm just being honest at where I'm at now. I'm not the only one on here that feels that way, whether it is right or not. I am dealing with that through therapy at the moment and try and push those thoughts out of my head as time passes.


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## hylton7

Canada75 said:


> Not that I'm aware of. There is a clause in our agreement that we both agree there would be no introduction of another boyfriend/girlfriend to our son for a 6 month period. I think at some point he was playing games online with a friend from "mommy's work" or that is how he explained it. I texted her telling her if that is the guy she is with to stop it. I then added in "person or online" to the agreement and he hasn't talked about it since. So she will be able to introduce him to her new man in December but I'm not sure that she will. She has to give me 2 weeks notice before doing so anyways.


 a friend from "mommy's work" yep she was cheating on you.


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## manwithnoname

Canada75 said:


> Yes I understand how it sounds but I'm just being honest at where I'm at now. I'm not the only one on here that feels that way, whether it is right or not. I am dealing with that through therapy at the moment and try and push those thoughts out of my head as time passes.


I have no doubt that as time passes you will completely heal, and move on with your life, and you will look back and be thankful that you didn't R.

It's just that you are extremely vulnerable right now.

When you do think of all the good times, think about how _*she*_ threw it all away as if it meant nothing at all to her.


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## Ursula

I'm really sorry that you're here, and are going through such a rough time. Have you heard about Walk Away Wife Syndrome (WAW)? Have a look at the link I've copied below. I know that you feel blindsided, but there are often overlooked issues that cause a spouse to walk away.

Get Relationship Advice and Solve Marriage Problems with Michele Weiner-Davis - Divorce Busting®


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## OnTheRocks

WAWs pretty much don't exist IMO. Without physical abuse, infidelity, or some other serious circumstances, most women won't jump out of a marriage into nothing.


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## 3Xnocharm

Someone who could do this to you doesnt love you and isnt worth having in your life. They arent even worth giving them space in your brain. She doesnt have any guilt, and she isnt going to regret what she's done, she is exactly where she wants to be. (Very few people who divorce regret doing so. In time, even YOU are not going to have any regret over it.) Do yourself a favor and focus on the crappy things she has done to you, its way too easy to stay bogged down in the good from forever ago, and what you thought was SUPPOSED to be. She isnt worthy. 

Trust me, I went through the same thing, only probably worse. When my last husband dumped me and my daughter to remarry his first wife, we had not even been married a year, so I was still in the strong throes of being in love. There were two or three times when they had problems that he turned back to me and of course I welcomed him right back into my life every time. He chose her every single time. I finally had to just let go, and eventually came to the reality that he was really just a piece of sh!t. Period. Its a damn hard lesson to learn, so the less you let her in, the better off you will be.


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## 3Xnocharm

OnTheRocks said:


> WAWs pretty much don't exist IMO. Without physical abuse, infidelity, or some other serious circumstances, most women won't jump out of a marriage into nothing.


You do when going into "nothing" beats the hell out of staying in the misery you deal with in your marriage.


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## MovingForward

Canada75 said:


> I think the hardest part of being left is that my wife of 17 years whom I loved and cherished for so long would rather see her son half the time, pay me $200+ a month and give up any rights to the matrimonial home(her choice) and all savings we had (her choice) then spend another second with me.
> 
> You may know my story from the going through separation/divorce forum but it doesn't really matter. Everyone here knows how it feels to be left and that feeling of rejection and pain. Most days I'm doing well but today it hit home a bit. I find it very hard when I'm out and watch families interacting with each other. I wonder if she watches them too and ever feels......well anything. We were that family up until she said she needed space. Blind sided is an understatement. We were house hunting, when I asked if she saw the house for sale I emailed to her. "I needed to talk to you about that" is what she said.
> 
> I'm glad I never got the ILYBINILWY speech from her. It was always I love you with long tight hugs, I just need space.....and now space and her are a couple...lol. I presume she left me for another guy but don't necessarily have proof. I just figured if you have a guy over and cook him dinner after just 4 months out of a long term relationship I would think they knew each other well before that. We don't talk at all anymore and she lives a 1 min drive away. Neither of us goes to the door to drop off our son, we just park the car and he jumps out.....very sad really. The night before she "officially" left we were making Christmas and summer vacation plans. I don't think I will really ever understand, I guess that is just the type of person I married. Whenever someone outside of our marriage peeked my interest in any way I shut it down immediately in my head as I knew the only women I ever needed was my love and best friend at home. Apparently she didn't do the same.
> 
> I wonder if she will ever regret it, as most people wonder who have been left for another person.
> That feeling of not being good enough will take some time to get over while she is happy (I presume) with her new guy. She never skipped a beat, just went from me (17 years) to him. Who does that....well I guess a lot of people do or there would be no need for this forum.
> 
> Just feeling sorry for myself I guess......pity party today and your all invited!!


 @Canada75 yeah it sucks bad but you are in a decent position and I know it is hard but look at positives, you have a lot of time with your child, kept house and savings and get CS.

I was in similar position my wife jumped ship with an affair partner I just found out about but I pay way more than $200 a month child support and more than that again in Alimony, paid off her car, had to cash out 401k and give her all savings also to keep house as i wanted some stability for the kids. We do not talk at all which is my choice she still tries to talk to me though, 12+ years and overnight all over and done. It is hard not to get depressed but talk to as many people as possible and keep talking about it as this really helped me start accepting it, spend quality one on one time with your child and in your free time try not to dwell and isolate but get out the house and go do something. You may be miserable for a while and even days you think you are good can come crashing down but the goal is to get to a point of accepting the situation and moving past it, I am not there yet but doing so much better than I was 3-4 months ago and hoping the next 3-4 months improve the same again. There is light at the end of the tunnel I know a bunch of guys in our positions and worse who are really happy once they got over the initial devastation.


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## 5Creed

If you did everything you could to keep the marriage together, then you did your part. This is what you focus on-not her, not what she did or didn't do and not who she is with and what they are doing in the bedroom and her ****ty choices. You see it, we all see it; and you can ask yourself over and over why she made the choices she did. That kind of thinking will make you feel crazy and out of control. You are in control though not her. Don't get stuck there. Visit these thoughts once in awhile and then let it rest. I did this for a few years and realize now it was the most unhealthy place to be. Hoping for my family back, wishing it was all better, wondering why he chose to have an affair and lose our family in the process. What I like seeing in your posts is that you realize deep down you are going to move on AND you are getting therapy. Perfect thing to do right now for yourself. 

What you are experiencing is completely normal and we all get to feel a little sorry for ourselves. Come here and vent, vent to your friends and family but start slowly moving the focus away from what she has done. Nothing will ever make up for it at this point. You are now going to take care of yourself and your son! Go Dad!!


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## Tigger

I'm sorry that you are here and hurting. You sound like a good decent man who gave his best. You're doing good to try to minimize contact with her. The pain will lessen over time as you focus on yourself and your child.


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## Ynot

OP, your story is similar to mine. I feel bad that you are here.

I was married 24 years. We raised two beautiful successful children together. We owned a nice property with acreage. I did everything I thought I was supposed to do. I paid all the bills, I bought her things, I did a lot (way more than my part when I stop to think about it). In the end, she left any ways. No explanation, no attempt to work it out, before, during or after. I spend over 25 years of my life with her. We spoke every day and then POOF! she was gone. 

I was devastated. I closed my business. I sold our house. I moved to a new town. Took a job that I hated and cried myself to sleep every night .

That was almost three years ago. Since then I have restarted my business and I am making more than I ever have at any point in my life. Working less. I have more money saved than I ever did in 24 years of marriage. I am enjoying MY life more (I spent the whole day golfing today - because I can!) I bought my own house and furnished it to my tastes. I have traveled to 35 states. I am learning to play the guitar. I learned to ride a motorcycle and I am currently on my third one. I watch whatever I want on TV, whenever I want. I stay out as late as I want. I drink whenever I want. I eat whatever I want, whenever I want, where ever I want and with who ever I want. And as a bonus I have enjoyed more sex with more women than I had in all of the previous years of my life. 

Life will get better and I mean a lot better. When the wound is fresh it is easy to let it consume you. But as the wound heals, you will stop looking at what you can't have and start looking for what you can have. Because now you can have anything that YOU want! Take some time. Decide what YOU want and start moving towards them!


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## frusdil

I'm so sorry for your pain OP. I can feel it through your writing. My heart breaks for you.

I don't know how people survive a divorce. Especially when blindsided. I couldn't bear it if my husband left me. I would be utterly heartbroken.

No advice, just want you to know you've been heard x


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## Wolf1974

Just wanted to add that you are not alone. I went through this same thing only difference is I knew and caught her cheating. No that didn't make it any easier, those scars are worse actually..

What you do need to know is that this will get better over time. You only need focus on you and your kiddo now. Start to think about the life you want to lead get a plan together...then start making it happen. I was devastated, like truely under the dirt hearbroken after my divorce, but now 8 years out I can say it was the best thing that's ever happened to me. I would have never given up on her, that's not my nature, But she did me and our kids and it freed me to take control of my life. I hope you find the same as you move forward.


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## Bananapeel

Canada75 said:


> Unfortunately, like a lot of people on here I somewhere deep down inside wish I had my family back together. I read stories on this forum of how the WS comes to their senses and they R the relationship and they are happier now then they were before. I think it would need a ton of work to ever get back to where we were but I don't see her making the effort and since i'm not talking to her that would make it kind of hard.
> 
> I tried for a long time to win her back. I held her hand while she left me thinking perhaps if I was sweet to her, helpful, and understanding that she would reconsider....it didn't work of course. So yes the one person in the world who hurt me the most I want back in my life. I really think there was a lot of different factors why she left, physiological factors, depression, MLC etc....not just another guy but something deep down inside of her that just snapped. I hope one day she tries to work through them again.
> 
> I dream of it often but I really wouldn't know what to say if she ever asked to come back. A huge part of me wants her back and our nice family dynamic. The laughs we all had, the fun we all had, but she has caused some very deep life altering scars in me that the effort would be way too much for her to handle I think. Call it what you may, I miss our family, I miss my wife...not the one that left and hurt me and my son so much but the one before the depression...before the sadness...before the new man that she saw as some sort of saviour.
> 
> 17 years thrown away without an ounce of effort to try and make it work. I tried everything, but I guess her mind was made up at that point. Sad really....hope I'm feeling better tomorrow. These days come up now and again and this time I thought I would share. I can't be the only person out here that feels this way.



There is a way to get an ex back, but it's a double edged sword. All you have to do is be the type of guy that would attract your wife, which basically means get your life in order. You work out until you are super fit, bust your butt at your job and become professionally and financially successful, get involved in activities that have meaning for you and provide you with a social avenue to interact with other adults, learn confidence around women and learn to flirt/play with them, and in general decide why god put you on this earth and work towards those ideals. All of these things will make you more attractive not just to your ex but to other women in general. Once you succeed at those things you'll radiate positivity and women will want to date you and men will want to be friends with you. If and when your XWW fails in her new relationship she will probably show some interest in you. If she pursues you and shows she's worthy of your attention you can decide if you want to date her again. 

As I mentioned it is a double edged sword, so here is the kicker. If you do all the things that I said then you'll find that there are far better women that you can have relationships with that you aren't going to want your ex wife back. I'm saying this from personal experience. My recommendation for you is do the things I've written above (and that others have told you) and live a great life. It's a process to move past your ex and each step is an opportunity to learn who you are and become who you want to be. Most of us that have gone down this road have turned out so much better that we'd never accept our exes back under any circumstances. I still miss having a united family and probably always will, but I'm glad the past will stay in the past, because the future is so much brighter. It can be for you too, if you decide you want it to be.


----------



## Canada75

Thank you for all your kind words everyone, they really helped. Just spent a vacation week with my son camping and visiting friends and family in another city. We had a great time and made some great new memories together.


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## Marc878

Canada75 said:


> Not that I'm aware of. There is a clause in our agreement that we both agree there would be no introduction of another boyfriend/girlfriend to our son for a 6 month period. I think at some point he was playing games online with a friend from "mommy's work" or that is how he explained it. I texted her telling her if that is the guy she is with to stop it. I then added in "person or online" to the agreement and he hasn't talked about it since. So she will be able to introduce him to her new man in December but I'm not sure that she will. She has to give me 2 weeks notice before doing so anyways.


You are still seeing your wife as you thought she was not who she is. Keeping her up on that pedestal you put her on wont get you anything. I'd bet like most if you opened your eyes and reflect back it wasn't what you fantasized it to be.

You are trying to keep control on something you have zero control over.

Make no mistake she will be introducing them at some point and you can't stop it.

Wake up to who she is and quit pinning over your fantasy.

Bury Mr Nice Guy in the back yard where he belongs. It got you nothing.


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## AVR1962

it is really HARD. I walked away after 24 years of marriage and there are some here that accuse us ladies as being walk away wives but in all reality I was an extremely patient wife.... it seemed her never heard me. I felt we should be communicating our needs for one another but my words were not heard and it wasn't because I was screaming and demanding, as that didn't happen. He was in his own little bubble, his own world. I felt he married me out of convenience to help him raise his sons which he had full custody of. I look back now and see the years I wasted with 100% good intent. There is such a huge difference between men and women and what they expect and see right in a marriage and when communication breaks down, or doesn't exist, marriage struggle. I am sorry you are going thru what you are but please learn from your experience. What did you do to contribute the failure? I took too much on and took responsibility of things I did not need to take responsibility for. Do I wish him ill-will? NO! I actually wish him the best in finding what he wants in life and do hope that one day he truly falls in love and can show his wife this. It was something he did not show to me and I think it was becasue he did not truly love me like a man should love his wife.


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## arbitrator

Canada75 said:


> I think the hardest part of being left is that my wife of 17 years whom I loved and cherished for so long would rather see her son half the time, pay me $200+ a month and give up any rights to the matrimonial home(her choice) and all savings we had (her choice) then spend another second with me.
> 
> You may know my story from the going through separation/divorce forum but it doesn't really matter. Everyone here knows how it feels to be left and that feeling of rejection and pain. Most days I'm doing well but today it hit home a bit. I find it very hard when I'm out and watch families interacting with each other. I wonder if she watches them too and ever feels......well anything. We were that family up until she said she needed space. Blind sided is an understatement. We were house hunting, when I asked if she saw the house for sale I emailed to her. "I needed to talk to you about that" is what she said.
> 
> I'm glad I never got the ILYBINILWY speech from her. It was always I love you with long tight hugs, I just need space.....and now space and her are a couple...lol. I presume she left me for another guy but don't necessarily have proof. I just figured if you have a guy over and cook him dinner after just 4 months out of a long term relationship I would think they knew each other well before that. We don't talk at all anymore and she lives a 1 min drive away. Neither of us goes to the door to drop off our son, we just park the car and he jumps out.....very sad really. The night before she "officially" left we were making Christmas and summer vacation plans. I don't think I will really ever understand, I guess that is just the type of person I married. Whenever someone outside of our marriage peeked my interest in any way I shut it down immediately in my head as I knew the only women I ever needed was my love and best friend at home. Apparently she didn't do the same.
> 
> I wonder if she will ever regret it, as most people wonder who have been left for another person.
> That feeling of not being good enough will take some time to get over while she is happy (I presume) with her new guy. She never skipped a beat, just went from me (17 years) to him. Who does that....well I guess a lot of people do or there would be no need for this forum.
> 
> *Just feeling sorry for myself I guess......pity party today and your all invited!!*


*Been there, done that, brother! 

We're here if you need us!*


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## Canada75

AVR1962 said:


> it is really HARD. I walked away after 24 years of marriage and there are some here that accuse us ladies as being walk away wives but in all reality I was an extremely patient wife.... it seemed her never heard me. I felt we should be communicating our needs for one another but my words were not heard and it wasn't because I was screaming and demanding, as that didn't happen. He was in his own little bubble, his own world. I felt he married me out of convenience to help him raise his sons which he had full custody of. I look back now and see the years I wasted with 100% good intent. There is such a huge difference between men and women and what they expect and see right in a marriage and when communication breaks down, or doesn't exist, marriage struggle. I am sorry you are going thru what you are but please learn from your experience. What did you do to contribute the failure? I took too much on and took responsibility of things I did not need to take responsibility for. Do I wish him ill-will? NO! I actually wish him the best in finding what he wants in life and do hope that one day he truly falls in love and can show his wife this. It was something he did not show to me and I think it was becasue he did not truly love me like a man should love his wife.


I wasn't perfect but nobody is. I did the best that I knew how at the time. Sure there were times I could of done things differently but that is life. 

I never cheated, never abused her, got a better job so we could have a better life, always had dinner ready when she got home (when I was home before her), did the grocery shopping, was/am a great and loving father, took care of the yard work, painted the whole house, and then again when she didn't like the colour anymore, took care of the finances/bills/taxes, planned/organized/booked family vacations, supported her when she went back to school, moved to a city that I knew no one so she could be closer to her family(now I'm stuck here), supported her through the death of her mother, 2 emotional affairs, bought her 100's of presents, took care of 4 moves by myself before we settled on a place to buy, bought her flowers just because, always complimented her, always took care of her in the bedroom, always encouraged her to go out with friends(which she never wanted too, but is a social butterfly now), and always encouraged her to better herself by trying new things/courses/etc (which she didn't, but is now)

So I did what I thought a husband should do. If having a few beers on a Friday night with friends, or watching football or golf on some Sunday's pushed her over the edge then there isn't much I can do about that. I can sleep well at night knowing that the thousands of good things I did outweighed the handful of selfish things I did. (I don't really sleep all that well!!)


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## sokillme

Canada75 said:


> I wasn't perfect but nobody is. I did the best that I knew how at the time. Sure there were times I could of done things differently but that is life.
> 
> I never cheated, never abused her, got a better job so we could have a better life, always had dinner ready when she got home (when I was home before her), did the grocery shopping, was/am a great and loving father, took care of the yard work, painted the whole house, and then again when she didn't like the colour anymore, took care of the finances/bills/taxes, planned/organized/booked family vacations, supported her when she went back to school, moved to a city that I knew no one so she could be closer to her family(now I'm stuck here), supported her through the death of her mother, 2 emotional affairs, bought her 100's of presents, took care of 4 moves by myself before we settled on a place to buy, bought her flowers just because, always complimented her, always took care of her in the bedroom, always encouraged her to go out with friends(which she never wanted too, but is a social butterfly now), and always encouraged her to better herself by trying new things/courses/etc (which she didn't, but is now)
> 
> So I did what I thought a husband should do. If having a few beers on a Friday night with friends, or watching football or golf on some Sunday's pushed her over the edge then there isn't much I can do about that. I can sleep well at night knowing that the thousands of good things I did outweighed the handful of selfish things I did. (I don't really sleep all that well!!)


Sounds like you were a good husband. You can't make people love you. Judge your value on what you did, you have no control over her heart.


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## Elizabeth001

There you go again over thinking what you might have done wrong and trying to figure out why your best wasn't good enough. 

I promise you that the key to getting past this is to stop asking "why". You will probably never know and even if you did, it wouldn't change anything!

I know it's easier said than done but when your brain starts down this path, you have to MAKE yourself change your train of thought. 

It sounds silly but I had to actually say out loud "stop thinking about it!". I'm sure if my new neighbors were walking by and heard me, they probably think I'm the new crazy lady in town who talks to herself. lol 

Do WHATEVER it takes when your brain starts going this direction to think of something else. 

Things will take a turn when you can realize that the "why" doesn't matter. You will have to trust me on this!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## AVR1962

Canada75 said:


> I wasn't perfect but nobody is. I did the best that I knew how at the time. Sure there were times I could of done things differently but that is life.
> 
> I never cheated, never abused her, got a better job so we could have a better life, always had dinner ready when she got home (when I was home before her), did the grocery shopping, was/am a great and loving father, took care of the yard work, painted the whole house, and then again when she didn't like the colour anymore, took care of the finances/bills/taxes, planned/organized/booked family vacations, supported her when she went back to school, moved to a city that I knew no one so she could be closer to her family(now I'm stuck here), supported her through the death of her mother, 2 emotional affairs, bought her 100's of presents, took care of 4 moves by myself before we settled on a place to buy, bought her flowers just because, always complimented her, always took care of her in the bedroom, always encouraged her to go out with friends(which she never wanted too, but is a social butterfly now), and always encouraged her to better herself by trying new things/courses/etc (which she didn't, but is now)
> 
> So I did what I thought a husband should do. If having a few beers on a Friday night with friends, or watching football or golf on some Sunday's pushed her over the edge then there isn't much I can do about that. I can sleep well at night knowing that the thousands of good things I did outweighed the handful of selfish things I did. (I don't really sleep all that well!!)


You sound like me, the worker bee taking care of everything. There are plenty of people out there who do not know how to appreciate or respect the efforts of others and instead expect more from them and when they do not receive they turn their backs to us. I don't know your wife and don't know you, as far as that goes but I would say your focus was so much on the things that you felt that you needed to do to take care of everyone that some of the courtship was lost, OR your wife either had a sense of entitlement or was narcissistic or passive-aggressive.

If you stubble around in all the whys too long it will just bring you down. Perhaps you were the type trying to please and this was someone that could not respect your efforts. that doesn't reflect poorly on you.

We do have to cross examine what we did that lead to the demise in our marriage, seriously look at how we contributed. Learn from that and go on. Right now, almost one year out from my divorce after 24 years of marriage, and have dated since being single I have found that alot of people carry some major burdens in their hearts....feeling like they cannot trust again and having a hard time getting close because of previous hurts. This is real sad and unfortunate as we are dragging our past into our future and making it even that more difficult to enjoy and be close another person again. We all deserved to loved so real try not to let this hurt effect your future. Find a way to forgive your ex-wife, move one and open your heart to possibilities with someone new.


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## chillymorn69

I guess marriage vows should change too

Instead of until death do us part. To until i get board with you because you don't meet my needs.


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## Ynot

chillymorn69 said:


> I guess marriage vows should change too
> 
> Instead of until death do us part. To until i get board with you because you don't meet my needs.


Those words "until death do us part" are probably one of the biggest impediments to most relationships. Many people get married, thinking it is a life time commitment because of those words. So they imagine they don't have to do some of the things that made the marriage happen in the first place. They think they can just do whatever they want because, what the heck their SO isn't going any place, they made a lifetime commitment.

Perhaps the words should be changed to "until life do us part". Because that is the reality. Nobody owes you anything. Nobody owes their life or happiness to anyone else, regardless of what was said. If life takes you in different directions, then so be it. You are better off without an unhappy, unfulfilled SO in your life. 

If perchance you do find that someone you can HAPPILY spend the rest of your life, just be thankful and count your blessings because you probably did just happen to blindly stumble upon your soul mate. Because I have some news for you, they don't stick around because they said some words years ago when you were both other people.

The idea of "until death do us part" and all of the people who cling to it in order to blame the other side for being selfish, meeting their own needs and not meeting theirs, is just an excuse to remain bitter towards them. Nobody owes you anything, nobody should live their life for you, nobody is coming to save you.

It is a beautiful idea in theory, but it destroys lives in practice. Accept reality and move on.


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## AVR1962

chillymorn69 said:


> I guess marriage vows should change too
> 
> Instead of until death do us part. To until i get board with you because you don't meet my needs.


If we are truly honest with ourselves, I think we will find that people don't just leave a relationship because they are board. As far as religious vows, I would question what a couple does together to build upon their religious convictions. Many of us take those vows but then do not do anything to keep a unity with that person in the eyes of the Lord. I think this makes a difference when one mentioned vows.

There is so much involved when two people join their lives as one. We each carry the hurts and pains from childhood as well as the baggage from past broken relationships. All that right there is a huge set up for failure. Then you look at the differences in the male and female brain....how we communicate, what we have been raised with as acceptable and not acceptable, the need for security, the need for assurance, the need for intimacy and sexual satisfaction, the need for touch, the need to be heard and to be seen as a person, the need of each of egos. Are we on the same page? Have we drifted apart? I think many times we go thru our routine....we wake up in the morning and go thru the motion of the what we did the day before, we are creatures of routine but sometimes when life has us climbing the ladder to success or caring for the screaming child(ren) the relationship takes on a different form. It is not all about nurturing of the relationship as it was in the beginning. Along comes the hurts and i find, unless a woman is passive-aggressive or if she is pushing down her own emotional needs to please or keep peace, generally speaking women do express themselves and do so over again. They do tell their partner their hurts with the relationship and they do try to understand their partners. Women are in-tuned to their emotions and are not afraid of them. Men on the other hand, and I am not talking all, would rather bury their head in the sand than talk about their feelings or express themselves. I think this right here throws a relationship out of balance. At one point and time the man was expressing his love for his new wife and then their brain locks into provider, man of the house, I need to focus on work.

The male mind, the way i term it, is like a computer in that he can open a file and be in that file so men concentrate on the subject they are dealing with but oops, that wife and being in touch emotionally gets dropped to the back of the deep part of the filing cabinet. A woman's brain is much different. The circuits in our brain cross one another like a super highways so those emotions we held for you when we were dating are not hidden away in some folder, they are present. But happens when hurt comes along and needs emotionally are not being met? We withdraw eventually, we learn that we are not being heard, we do not feel loved any more so we stay and remain with the spouse as roommates. We tried, we were not heard. Some of us stay but some of us leave and I think it always surprises the man and think that is because he was not hearing his wife when she was trying to express her needs. Perhaps not the case in this situations but I do feel this is a fairly typical scenario.


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## *Deidre*

I think that your healing will turn a brighter corner, when you really learn and embrace that your happiness doesn't hinge on what someone else, even a spouse, is doing or not doing. It is hard, because the rejection obviously feels personal, but it's not. She sounds like she has her own set of issues that likely have nothing to do with you or the marriage. I hope therapy gets you to that point, because that is when you will live your life with a new purpose, a new outlook. Sending you good thoughts. Be good to yourself, and know that you are a worthwhile person who has value, regardless if your marriage didn't work out.


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## chillymorn69

Ynot said:


> Those words "until death do us part" are probably one of the biggest impediments to most relationships. Many people get married, thinking it is a life time commitment because of those words. So they imagine they don't have to do some of the things that made the marriage happen in the first place. They think they can just do whatever they want because, what the heck their SO isn't going any place, they made a lifetime commitment.
> 
> Perhaps the words should be changed to "until life do us part". Because that is the reality. Nobody owes you anything. Nobody owes their life or happiness to anyone else, regardless of what was said. If life takes you in different directions, then so be it. You are better off without an unhappy, unfulfilled SO in your life.
> 
> If perchance you do find that someone you can HAPPILY spend the rest of your life, just be thankful and count your blessings because you probably did just happen to blindly stumble upon your soul mate. Because I have some news for you, they don't stick around because they said some words years ago when you were both other people.
> 
> The idea of "until death do us part" and all of the people who cling to it in order to blame the other side for being selfish, meeting their own needs and not meeting theirs, is just an excuse to remain bitter towards them. Nobody owes you anything, nobody should live their life for you, nobody is coming to save you.
> 
> It is a beautiful idea in theory, but it destroys lives in practice. Accept reality and move on.




Thats why marriage is a sham! And why any man that get married today is just really foolish.no reason to marry and risk anything for an attitude such as your.


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## chillymorn69

AVR1962 said:


> If we are truly honest with ourselves, I think we will find that people don't just leave a relationship because they are board. As far as religious vows, I would question what a couple does together to build upon their religious convictions. Many of us take those vows but then do not do anything to keep a unity with that person in the eyes of the Lord. I think this makes a difference when one mentioned vows.
> 
> There is so much involved when two people join their lives as one. We each carry the hurts and pains from childhood as well as the baggage from past broken relationships. All that right there is a huge set up for failure. Then you look at the differences in the male and female brain....how we communicate, what we have been raised with as acceptable and not acceptable, the need for security, the need for assurance, the need for intimacy and sexual satisfaction, the need for touch, the need to be heard and to be seen as a person, the need of each of egos. Are we on the same page? Have we drifted apart? I think many times we go thru our routine....we wake up in the morning and go thru the motion of the what we did the day before, we are creatures of routine but sometimes when life has us climbing the ladder to success or caring for the screaming child(ren) the relationship takes on a different form. It is not all about nurturing of the relationship as it was in the beginning. Along comes the hurts and i find, unless a woman is passive-aggressive or if she is pushing down her own emotional needs to please or keep peace, generally speaking women do express themselves and do so over again. They do tell their partner their hurts with the relationship and they do try to understand their partners. Women are in-tuned to their emotions and are not afraid of them. Men on the other hand, and I am not talking all, would rather bury their head in the sand than talk about their feelings or express themselves. I think this right here throws a relationship out of balance. At one point and time the man was expressing his love for his new wife and then their brain locks into provider, man of the house, I need to focus on work.
> 
> The male mind, the way i term it, is like a computer in that he can open a file and be in that file so men concentrate on the subject they are dealing with but oops, that wife and being in touch emotionally gets dropped to the back of the deep part of the filing cabinet. A woman's brain is much different. The circuits in our brain cross one another like a super highways so those emotions we held for you when we were dating are not hidden away in some folder, they are present. But happens when hurt comes along and needs emotionally are not being met? We withdraw eventually, we learn that we are not being heard, we do not feel loved any more so we stay and remain with the spouse as roommates. We tried, we were not heard. Some of us stay but some of us leave and I think it always surprises the man and think that is because he was not hearing his wife when she was trying to express her needs. Perhaps not the case in this situations but I do feel this is a fairly typical scenario.


Marriage .....yea so you can lose half of everything because they black mail you with emotions. And cry you didn't meet all my needs . Its a two way st. For every man who doesn't meet his wifes needs theres a matching woman!

I'm sick of this high house thinking all men are the problem.


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## Ynot

chillymorn69 said:


> Thats why marriage is a sham! And why any man that get married today is just really foolish.no reason to marry and risk anything for an attitude such as your.


????Not sure what you are trying to say here. I don't necessarily think marriage is a sham, I think the "until death do us part" thing is a sham. I know most of us grow being told marriage is a life time commitment. But that idea was born of a time when life didn't last quite as long and more typically it only applied to one side of a couple. The other side died from sickness, in child birth, industrial accident or whatever. This allowed the survivor to remarry, sometime three, four or five times as spouses died. The idea of living to be 90 or more in relatively good health is a fairly recent occurrence. I think we are outliving emotions just as we are outliving many of the things that naturally would have "killed" a marriage.


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## chillymorn69

Ynot said:


> ????Not sure what you are trying to say here. I don't necessarily think marriage is a sham, I think the "until death do us part" thing is a sham. I know most of us grow being told marriage is a life time commitment. But that idea was born of a time when life didn't last quite as long and more typically it only applied to one side of a couple. The other side died from sickness, in child birth, industrial accident or whatever. This allowed the survivor to remarry, sometime three, four or five times as spouses died. The idea of living to be 90 or more in relatively good health is a fairly recent occurrence. I think we are outliving emotions just as we are outliving many of the things that naturally would have "killed" a marriage.



I can see your point. Then how do you explain the Marriages that do last ? 

.so every 25yrs or so out with the old in with the new? Not a bad plan if both people are on the same page!


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## Elizabeth001

chillymorn69 said:


> I can see your point. Then how do you explain the Marriages that do last ?
> 
> 
> 
> .so every 25yrs or so out with the old in with the new? Not a bad plan if both people are on the same page!




Weeelllll....25 is pushing it. ROFL


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Ynot

chillymorn69 said:


> I can see your point. Then how do you explain the Marriages that do last ?
> 
> .so every 25yrs or so out with the old in with the new? Not a bad plan if both people are on the same page!


This: "If perchance you do find that someone you can HAPPILY spend the rest of your life, just be thankful and count your blessings because you probably did just happen to blindly stumble upon your soul mate. Because I have some news for you, they don't stick around because they said some words years ago when you were both other people."

I never said it was fair. I never said it was easy. I had 25 years with a woman I assumed I would spend the rest of my life with. I can either sit around and cry about it not being fair because it isn't fair or I can accept the fact that each of us became a different person than we started off as. It is the only way I can make sense out of what happened to me. 

Life goes on. I cannot wallow in the past over some long ago spoken vows. I suggest you do the same because "until death do us part" is a fairy tale that will destroy your life.


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## Diana7

chillymorn69 said:


> Thats why marriage is a sham! And why any man that get married today is just really foolish.no reason to marry and risk anything for an attitude such as your.


 I think marriage is great, and I know countless men who do as well. There is every reason to marry.


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## chillymorn69

Ynot said:


> This: "If perchance you do find that someone you can HAPPILY spend the rest of your life, just be thankful and count your blessings because you probably did just happen to blindly stumble upon your soul mate. Because I have some news for you, they don't stick around because they said some words years ago when you were both other people."
> 
> I never said it was fair. I never said it was easy. I had 25 years with a woman I assumed I would spend the rest of my life with. I can either sit around and cry about it not being fair because it isn't fair or I can accept the fact that each of us became a different person than we started off as. It is the only way I can make sense out of what happened to me.
> 
> Life goes on. I cannot wallow in the past over some long ago spoken vows. I suggest you do the same because "until death do us part" is a fairy tale that will destroy your life.


I'm not wallowing in it I'm getting the word out that marriage is a poor bet and you should protect yourself. 


and if I have to play this game I'd rather not marry at all just have a relationship until one get board then next!


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## chillymorn69

AVR1962 said:


> If we are truly honest with ourselves, I think we will find that people don't just leave a relationship because they are board. As far as religious vows, I would question what a couple does together to build upon their religious convictions. Many of us take those vows but then do not do anything to keep a unity with that person in the eyes of the Lord. I think this makes a difference when one mentioned vows.
> 
> There is so much involved when two people join their lives as one. We each carry the hurts and pains from childhood as well as the baggage from past broken relationships. All that right there is a huge set up for failure. Then you look at the differences in the male and female brain....how we communicate, what we have been raised with as acceptable and not acceptable, the need for security, the need for assurance, the need for intimacy and sexual satisfaction, the need for touch, the need to be heard and to be seen as a person, the need of each of egos. Are we on the same page? Have we drifted apart? I think many times we go thru our routine....we wake up in the morning and go thru the motion of the what we did the day before, we are creatures of routine but sometimes when life has us climbing the ladder to success or caring for the screaming child(ren) the relationship takes on a different form. It is not all about nurturing of the relationship as it was in the beginning. Along comes the hurts and i find, unless a woman is passive-aggressive or if she is pushing down her own emotional needs to please or keep peace, generally speaking women do express themselves and do so over again. They do tell their partner their hurts with the relationship and they do try to understand their partners. Women are in-tuned to their emotions and are not afraid of them. Men on the other hand, and I am not talking all, would rather bury their head in the sand than talk about their feelings or express themselves. I think this right here throws a relationship out of balance. At one point and time the man was expressing his love for his new wife and then their brain locks into provider, man of the house, I need to focus on work.
> 
> The male mind, the way i term it, is like a computer in that he can open a file and be in that file so men concentrate on the subject they are dealing with but oops, that wife and being in touch emotionally gets dropped to the back of the deep part of the filing cabinet. A woman's brain is much different. The circuits in our brain cross one another like a super highways so those emotions we held for you when we were dating are not hidden away in some folder, they are present. But happens when hurt comes along and needs emotionally are not being met? We withdraw eventually, we learn that we are not being heard, we do not feel loved any more so we stay and remain with the spouse as roommates. We tried, we were not heard. Some of us stay but some of us leave and I think it always surprises the man and think that is because he was not hearing his wife when she was trying to express her needs. Perhaps not the case in this situations but I do feel this is a fairly typical scenario.


gross generalities

all men and this women are this way?


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## chillymorn69

I get the finger wag from moderators when I use gross generalities.


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## Ynot

chillymorn69 said:


> I'm not wallowing in it I'm getting the word out that marriage is a poor bet and you should protect yourself.
> 
> 
> and if I have to play this game I'd rather not marry at all just have a relationship until one get board then next!


Yes it is a poor bet, but so is life. We all die regardless of how we eat, how much we exercise, how often we see the doctor etc etc. The fact is for some it works, for others it doesn't. You may serial monogamy to be your best course of action. In the midst of it you might get blindsided by emotions and have different thoughts. Time will tell. Stay true to yourself and don't let crap get you down.


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## BetrayedDad

Canada75 said:


> I never cheated, never abused her, got a better job so we could have a better life, always had dinner ready when she got home (when I was home before her), did the grocery shopping, was/am a great and loving father, took care of the yard work, painted the whole house, and then again when she didn't like the colour anymore, took care of the finances/bills/taxes, planned/organized/booked family vacations, supported her when she went back to school, moved to a city that I knew no one so she could be closer to her family(now I'm stuck here), supported her through the death of her mother, 2 emotional affairs, bought her 100's of presents, took care of 4 moves by myself before we settled on a place to buy, bought her flowers just because, always complimented her, always took care of her in the bedroom, always encouraged her to go out with friends(which she never wanted too, but is a social butterfly now), and always encouraged her to better herself by trying new things/courses/etc (which she didn't, but is now)
> 
> So I did what I thought a husband should do. If having a few beers on a Friday night with friends, or watching football or golf on some Sunday's pushed her over the edge then there isn't much I can do about that. I can sleep well at night knowing that the thousands of good things I did outweighed the handful of selfish things I did. (I don't really sleep all that well!!)


That's a great list you put together.... Now what part did making her leave?

Meaning, I'll take your word for it. You're an awesome husband, so that only leaves one issue at hand.

Why did you pick a crap spouse? YOU own that friend. YOU should of saw the signs cause I see them a mile away.

She wasn't THAT into you was she? You had to plead your case on why she should be with you. She had selfish tendencies. She didn't really think about the future. Just short term gratification but she would come around right? Emotion controls her, not logic. You were the logical choice. You'd convince her, you'd future for her and you'd "take care" of her.....

You STINK of a typical nice guy white knight. That's why she was repulsed by you. She's the type of woman that wants an alpha to treat her like the dumb trash she is. She GETS off on that. It "excites her" and the more you showered her with "niceness" the faster she shopped for new penis to suck on. You can't turn a ho into a housewife.

I hope you learned your lesson. AVOID women exactly like your wife like the plague. If they aren't EXCITED to pounce on your penis as soon as you walk into the room, NEXT THEM. That's how you don't get rejected ever again.


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## Canada75

BetrayedDad said:


> Why did you pick a crap spouse? YOU own that friend. YOU should of saw the signs cause I see them a mile away..


I have no idea....guess I just fell in love.:scratchhead:


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## BetrayedDad

Canada75 said:


> I have no idea....guess I just fell in love.


Of course but I'm sorry to have to tell you this. She didn't fall in love with you.

You were simply a "comfortable" choice. Next time pick someone where the feeling is MUTUAL.


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