# Must it always be HER WAY???



## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

I'm so frustrated. I want to please my wife sexually. That means not taking forever to climax. So, I am trying to eliminate things in my life so that I will climax faster for her when we do have sex, which is not too often. I think you get my drift on what I am giving up. 

Anyway, I am walking around this morning dying inside. I want to release myself so bad but I am not so I can climax faster for my wife, if and when we do have sex!! But I know I am going to have to freaking weight when she is good and ready to have sex with me. This seems so unfair!!!


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

What would happen if you told her exactly this? Anything? 

I think its crazy that pleasing her sexually involves it not lasting very long. It has been a real eye opener coming to this board and reading about the suffering so many are going through. I have my own issues to work through but cant imagine treating my husband like this!

Sorry you are going through this.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> What would happen if you told her exactly this? Anything?
> 
> I think its crazy that pleasing her sexually involves it not lasting very long. It has been a real eye opener coming to this board and reading about the suffering so many are going through. I have my own issues to work through but cant imagine treating my husband like this!
> 
> Sorry you are going through this.


Thank you. It's BS! She is going through Menopause. I'm taking her to the doctor. I don't care what she says. I have a strong sex drive. She didn't complain before we were married! And get this. SHE SAYS I'M TOO BIG!!! I THOUGHT WOMAN LIKED BIG MEN! AND SHE'S COMPLAINING ABOUT IT?


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why not take over? Just go and in a more alpha type of way initiate?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Why not take over? Just go and in a more alpha type of way initiate?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What am I doing to do, force myself on her? No, I can't do that. When I do try to take over in a fun way she complains that she has a stomach ache or is not feeling well. She has an excuse for anything. It's pathetic.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

So, are you going to run the MAP? Or, are you going to start two new threads every day to complain about your wife not finding you sexually attractive? One of those options will improve your life. One will not.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> What am I doing to do, force myself on her? No, I can't do that. When I do try to take over in a fun way she complains that she has a stomach ache or is not feeling well. She has an excuse for anything. It's pathetic.


No I'm not saying that. 

Can we please have sex, please? = not very sexy

Show up in the shower (without asking) and lather her up= sexy
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

PHTlump said:


> So, are you going to run the MAP? Or, are you going to start two new threads every day to complain about your wife not finding you sexually attractive? One of those options will improve your life. One will not.


What exactly do you mean, "run the map?" This question is kind of a question in and of itself. I tried continuing on the other thread about sex and hardly anyone responded. What exactly do you want me to do? I am sorry I don't fit into your way of doing things.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

mablenc said:


> No I'm not saying that.
> 
> Can we please have sex, please? = not very sexy
> 
> ...


I try to massage her, I try to be romantic. She doesn't like it very much. Like I said before, it's all about her not feeling very well... aches and pains.


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

However, she did start slapping my ass as a joke and we both think it's kind of fun. LOL


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## drearydays (Aug 19, 2013)

If a man is on the big side certain positions can hurt for a woman however, like there is with a smaller man there are positions for bigger men that make it more pleasurable and less painful. any position that encourages a deep penetration is probably too much. Plenty of lubrication helps as well as does starting off slowly.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I try to massage her, I try to be romantic. She doesn't like it very much. Like I said before, it's all about her not feeling very well... aches and pains.


Not romantic, try being more manly, bad boy attuditued
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

drearydays said:


> If a man is on the big side certain positions can hurt for a woman however, like there is with a smaller man there are positions for bigger men that make it more pleasurable and less painful. any position that encourages a deep penetration is probably too much. Plenty of lubrication helps as well as does starting off slowly.


Are all lubricants created equal? We use one but sometimes she still is hurting afterwards. I find the best thing is giving her oral sex for a while. That seems to always work.



mablenc said:


> Not romantic, try being more manly, bad boy attuditued
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Good point.


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## drearydays (Aug 19, 2013)

personally I haven't found much of a difference between lubricants, although I will say having an orgasm before penetration did make it easier to have sex. But after a week or so with no sexual activity, it can hurt slightly the first time. Not by much its just about the stretching of the muscles inside


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Has no one pointed you in the direction of these books?
His Needs Her Needs
5 Love Languages 
Married Man's Sex Life Primer
No More Mr. Nice Guy

Or the associated web sites for those books?
Marriage Builders Â® - Successful Marriage Advice
Home | The 5 Love Languages®
No More Mr. Nice Guy
Www.marriedmasexlife.com

You have much learning to do grasshopper...


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Has no one pointed you in the direction of these books?
> His Needs Her Needs
> 5 Love Languages
> Married Man's Sex Life Primer
> ...


Yes we have, 

Maybe "she comes first and he comes next, books?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

A too large man that can last a while - definitely sounds like an Uptown Problem!


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## ManOhMan2013 (Aug 1, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Has no one pointed you in the direction of these books?
> His Needs Her Needs
> 5 Love Languages
> Married Man's Sex Life Primer
> ...


I do have the book No More Mr. Nice Guy. I have to finish that book. I should look into the others too.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

mablenc said:


> Yes we have,
> 
> Maybe "she comes first and he comes next, books?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A husband can never go wrong with that one... 
Menopause certainly plays a role in all this too. Intercourse that once was perfect is now painful, vaginal dryness, mood swings, loss of libido, trouble orgasming, hot flashes, moments of anxiety or anger... I just did a quick search for a husbands guide to menopause and found nothing I would recommend. Perhaps that should be Athol Kay's next book?


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

_No, It's Not Hot In Here, A Husbands Guide to Menopause_ by D!ck Roth


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

CharlieParker said:


> _No, It's Not Hot In Here, A Husbands Guide to Menopause_ by D!ck Roth


I read the blurb and wasn't impressed. But if you found it helpful then perhaps they need to change the blurb or get more reader reviews...?


How's that new thread coming along Charlie?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Since she is going through menopause, her sex drive is almost non existent. You will have to relieve yourself and often, since you have a high sex drive. Get to know how your body really works and then you can climax slow or fast. The only reason she wants to you to climax quickly is her sex drive is gone from the menopause. Tough the menopause out and then go to a Dr with her afterwards and see what can be done.

Most women say its not the size, its the motion of the ocean but in the end, size does matter and bigger is usually better.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

excellent!

I do think it belongs in SiM because lack of sex is what drives a husband to seek understanding. Just that they argue more often, or with more emotional impact that leaves him scratching his head probably won't drive him to seek info. 

...Or that could be just me projecting onto all husbands...


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## bbird1 (May 22, 2011)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> I'm so frustrated. I want to please my wife sexually. That means not taking forever to climax. So, I am trying to eliminate things in my life so that I will climax faster for her when we do have sex, which is not too often. I think you get my drift on what I am giving up.
> 
> Anyway, I am walking around this morning dying inside. I want to release myself so bad but I am not so I can climax faster for my wife, if and when we do have sex!! But I know I am going to have to freaking weight when she is good and ready to have sex with me. This seems so unfair!!!


Sounds like you may have married Mrs. Right. Next time perhaps be sure her first name is not Always.

Porn stars practice using a method to make themselves climax and everything else allows them to wait. (BTW it's wit not weight) Maybe some of these techniques would work for you to allow you to climax virtually on command using methods like they use. Try positions because for some guys certain positions cause faster climax. 

Also why must YOU wait for her? There are times I want sex and my wife and I understand we are entitled to it. So when I want it I (if things like kids and life permit) just take it and have sex. She has learned to tell me I am not going to have one today so just do what you need or she just comes along for the experience and we have great sex.

Either way communication is key and you need to express yourself. But married partners agreed to care for each others NEEDS (warning sex 8 times a day is not a need nor is it everyday a need). But you are entitled to sexual gratification in your marriage. This is not the same as rape because yes a husband can still rape his wife. But an open honest marriage where both parties NEEDS are being meet is important. maybe your wife will be like mine and just say take what you need when you need it.

PS Remember sex like and oven. You have to warm it up before use.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> What exactly do you mean, "run the map?" This question is kind of a question in and of itself.


As I said on at least two of your other threads, MAP is an acronym for Marriage Action Plan from Athol Kay's Married Man Sex Life Primer. He has a new book called the Mindful Attraction Plan that is a modified version of the MAP. You can try either one.



> What exactly do you want me to do? I am sorry I don't fit into your way of doing things.


You have to acknowledge the problems as they exist, and not as your wife says they exist. Your wife doesn't want to have sex with you. And it's probably not because you're too big, or because you last too long, or because that show the likes is on tonight, or whatever other excuse she regularly trots out.

She doesn't want to have sex with you because she's not attracted to you. Back when you were dating, and she was attracted to you, she had no problem getting turned on or having sex with you.

So, you don't need to rub her back, or cook her dinner, or whatever else you've been doing. You need to become more attractive. And you do that by being more masculine. Get a decent job. Make more decisions. Take more of a leadership role in your household. Many men who have tried that, including me, have been pleased with the results. That's called running the MAP.

Athol has all the info in his books and plenty of free stuff at his website, Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Try this exercise, complete the following sentences by yourself. 


In terms of sex and intimacy, what I would like from my partner is _____. 

One way I have made it difficult for him or her to give this to me is ____.

One way I could make it easier for him or her to give this to me is to ____.
Once you complete the exercise, do not talk about it and do not share your answers. Instead, go right to the heart of the matter: Quit doing number 2. Start doing number 3! Show appreciation. Watch for any form of number 1, and when you see it, acknowledge it in a loving manner.

Take from _How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It_ by Steven Stosny Patricia Edd Love


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

ManOhMan2013 said:


> However, she did start slapping my ass as a joke and we both think it's kind of fun. LOL


You do have much to learn ...


SHE wants YOU to slap HER ass...


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