# Confused



## dingdong (Apr 9, 2010)

Wife and I been married 21 years. She recently went to biggest loser boot camp and has changed. Having to make adjustments but led to us having time out with me living away from family for couple of weeks. I have anxiety issues as she doesn't seem to be in love with me as much as i am with her. I want to be understood so below are some facts about her before I start with any other details.
1.	Fact – Wife has had an attraction to two men in our past becoming emotional and upset and crying over the loss of one where there was physical contact.
2.	Fact – She had her first orgasm 2 years ago and has since been achieving multiple orgasms on her own without my sexual input but spending over $500 at a sex toy shop in one hit.
3.	Fact - She reads copious amounts of sex novels and story books of women’s sexual encounters with other men in a fantasy style and many are stories about married women.
4.	Fact – She herself admits she finds men’s company more stimulating than women’s and leans towards this in an obvious way in public and private friendships with other men.
5.	Fact – She once subtly tested me on the subject of a threesome but made it out to be a joke when I did not warm to the idea.
6.	Fact – She manifests an interest in good looking men and certain actors saying in front of me and to others that these men are “gorgeous” or “sexy”. She has never called me these things that I hear her call other men but openly continues to compliment them in front of me.
7.	Fact – She has a fascination for movies with high level sex scenes.
8.	Fact – She gets very agitated whenever there is a query about where she is or where she has been out.
9.	Fact – She has been unfaithful in past long term relationships outside of our own.
10. Fact – She gets very upset with me when I share my uncertainties in this area and does not seek to reassure me but is highly upset and becomes emotionally distant after such communications.
11.	Fact – She regularly seeks contact with close male friends she had in the past with no sensitivity to our relationship or a regard for how I feel on the matter.
12.	Fact – She spies on a good looking neighbour of ours when he comes back from jogging and manifests an overly friendly demeanour with him waiting in the car after her gym session and getting out just when he turns up in our driveway to say hello.
13.	Fact - She changed her Facebook password recently.


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## dingdong (Apr 9, 2010)

One other thing - My wife behaves as though she is single in her consideration of me. There was a time when if a male friend came around home she would meet them at the door and talk if I wasn’t home. Now she readily goes to male friends homes on her own or lets them in at our home with no consideration of how this might look. We men are supposed to change and do those nice things for our wives that we did when we first met but why doesn’t she do the things for me she did when we first met? She used to do these things but doesn’t now. If I thought I was the apple of her eye, just like when we were first married, then I would not feel second best. I don’t feel we are as close or in love as much as when we were married nor do I feel she is considerate of me as she used to be. She has an inability to place herself in my shoes. If I was to do the things she does, she would not feel comfortable. I don’t go to our female friends or families homes on my own without her as I know this is inappropriate. She regularly does this though.


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## DennisNLA (Jan 26, 2010)

Hi DD

I will take a quick stab at this. It seems like she is having a MLC right now. Your wife is in her early to mid 40's? Do you have kids and are they close to grown up? 

Has she had some life triggers happen lately? One of my MLC triggers was seeing a friend I grew up with die of breast cancer last January. I myself have a chronic illness and I did a 180 on how I am treating my body.

I also feel she has is showing resentment in the marriage to you. What resentment would she be feeling. Is there some emotional needs that you have not met for her? Is there something you do consistently to her? Her behavior seems very passive aggressive towards you right now. Have you tried to control the relationship for the past twenty years? I would look inward first to see if there is something that you can improve into your marriage. Lead by example and she may follow.

Thanks, I am not a professional, just trying to figure out my own MLC.

Dennis


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## dingdong (Apr 9, 2010)

Yes she recently lost alot of weight at a biggest loser retreat and is different.
I dont think I am controlling - you cant work this out through my input here so there is no use discussing this. I have been a marriage counsellor.
All I was after was some validation that what she is doing is not helping our relationship.

This wasnt about me.


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