# Frustrated, Lonely, and Lost



## coco12 (Mar 12, 2014)

I'm really tired of the way things are in my marriage. Feeling like I'm always put last, basically.

My husband and I have been married for 5 1/2 yrs (together for 6 1/2). We were separated once for over a year already.

He has four children (currently 11, 16, 20, and 22). The 3 younger kids all live 3 hours away from us, but the oldest lives very close to us, and she has always been a big source of conflict between us. 

The oldest daughter is extremely spoiled and she bosses him around. He can never ever say no to her. She now has a 3 yr old son, and is not with his father, so she has my husband doing every possible thing for her and her son.

Basically, there is always something that he has to put before me. If it's not the kids, it's work. He is self-employed, and makes plenty of schedule adjustments for his kids, but never for me. This was a huge source of conflict for a long time. I'd beg him to just come home early one night a week since he would work until after 9 six days per week.

Then, he started drinking a lot. That's when we separated. 

I never thought we would get back together after that, but we did, and things have gotten a lot better, but some things, I just can't get past. It's like he just traded one addiction for another. Now, suddenly he CAN take time off from work. Only he uses to go to the gym nearly every day for 3 hours! That's AFTER driving his oldest daughter around everywhere she needs to go, so it's already about 7:30, so he'll be there until about 10:30, and by the time he comes home, I'm sleeping.

Then, sometimes he'll say he's not going to the gym, as if he's doing me a favor, and is going to spend time with me, but then like tonight, his daughter asked him to go to the Laundromat with him, because she wanted him to watch her son while she did laundry! So, guess who is not here again!!! 

I really feel like there's no real point in being married if I am always alone! When I am with him, it's great, we love each other. However, it's not enough time for me. But it's more than that. It's the fact that he just does what he wants without any regard to what I want. He knows I want to spend time with him. He knows I am unhappy about it, and he just walks out the door, like he is a single person who has no one to consider but himself.

I have been in counseling for a very long time. He has attended with me very rarely, though I have wanted him to go with me very badly. Trying to talk to him does not really help, though things have improved in general over time. 

I do not want to leave. We love each other, but I am really unhappy right now. I also don't have anywhere to go, or any support. I'm not working right now. Other than my therapist, I don't even really have anyone to talk to.

I'm 34 years old, and we have been talking about having our own child, as soon as we are financially ready to, which would hopefully be soon. I do not want to get divorced and be out on my own, looking for someone else at this time in my life. However, this is no good, either. I cannot spend my life sitting here by myself, crying over the way he is treating me.


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## PinkSalmon13 (Nov 7, 2013)

'Frustrated' will continue for an as-yet undetermined time. 'Lonely'? Not here. You'll find lots of people who'll give freely to helping you sort everything out. 'Lost'? Again, lots of people here to help you find the way. Congrats on signing up and beginning to post. Excellent first step!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Why would you want to have a child with someone who's never with you? Do you have a big desire to be a single parent?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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