# help



## anony12 (Mar 27, 2012)

Im sorry this is long. I feel like I am on the brink of divorce from a dead end marriage.
My husband works around 70 hours a week give or take a few here and there. His main job is construction, so they work long hours which I have learned to accept as well as Saturdays. He wants his own business, which I agree is a great goal! I fully support him on this because it is his dream after all. However, the problem has become his “second job”. On the weekends, and in the past after work- at night, he logs trees. It is very time consuming, demanding, and real hard work even though he will tell you otherwise. Again, I don’t have a problem with it. What bothers me is that he eats sleeps and craps work. If he is not working, he is talking about it. There is no balance. He says well we just sit around and watch TV-it could just be more time working to him! He rarely makes money because he has to do it by hand, so its not like he is bringing in large amounts of money that makes a differences in our finances. We absolutely clash on this subject. I have tried compromising by asking him to stay home every other Sunday. No, he was not like this at all before we married. 

He is literally always late. Our time when our daughter is staying the night with grandparents is him working more, and me studying and wondering when he will get home. In my eyes, I am wondering what is the point of this marriage? He has never volunteered to watch our daughter, while I take a weekend day to do things I need done. I am all for someone working hard, but a line has to drawn somewhere. 

He has become a slob. He doesn’t pick up after himself leaving dishes of food on the table. Once or twice a month he might load the dish washer. My point is his work has completely took over his life, and is his first priority. He wants big things. A farm, a disel truck, a motorcycle, a dozer, a tractor, a sun room, a garage, and on and on and on! Unfortunately, it will take more than 200 bucks every other month from his logs to make it happen. 

I try my best not to nag. I ignore everything for as long as I can and reality sets in. I start feeling miserable, sad, lonely, and stuck. It isn’t about him spending every waking hour he has with me-I’d go nuts! It is about priorities and balance. Sometimes it is the little things that make me sad. Money and things aren’t as important to me as it is him. He will talk to his dad at night about work and “material things” but he has nothing to say to me. I feel like I have to beg him to spend time with me. We fight about every single detail of our lives! There is no affection. There is no common goals or interests. He is very defensive of his work. He does not even consider my feelings or thoughts. He makes decisions behind my back. He always just ask why are you being like this when I tell him how I feel. He acts like a child until he gets his way. A relationship is give and take, and he only takes. He makes me feel like I am on the bottom of his list. I need things too. I have goals and dreams too. It is basically what he wants goes. 

Of course, I’m not perfect. Many, not all, of my faults have come from the way he acts and treats me. Truth is I have a temper, which makes our arguments intense to say the least. Sure, I am emotional. This is my life. My future. Am I suppose to walk around and go with whatever he wants/says? Lately, I have bluntly told him we have changed and need a divorce. He doesn’t think so, he says that he loves me. Here is the thing, love is not be all end all. It takes work, communication, respect, etc etc. Without those, love becomes like. When he tells me he loves me, I’m thinking “oh”. I am constantly battling what to do-whether divorce is the answer. I don’t take marriage lightly, which is why I have tried so hard. I feel like at this point giving up and moving on. It is really hard to make that final decision though. I have been with him for almost 10 years, and it SO hard to walk away. Help!


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

If you want more from life, go get it wether you be married or not.
Try to make a life for yourself and make mental preparations of him never showing you the affection you need. (should be easy since you say he doesn't anyway)

I mean, find a place in your head where it no longer hurts when he does this.
If he should start doing it, well that would be good right?

But if he doesn't, you have mentally and logistically prepared yourself for a full life without him.

At that point, you can better decide what your next step will be


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