# 21 years of thick and thin, but about to finally break..



## LonelyMike (Dec 20, 2012)

Been with my high school sweetheart through everything. Have raised 3 wonderful kids though my wifes relationship with our youngest, our beatiful daughter, could be better. My wife is a good person mostly but has this thing where she can be the nicest most loving person 1 minute then the angriest, most begrudging human being the next. Always has been though its gotten worse through the years. We married very young and sometimes I wonder if thats the sole reason to our issues. I was once an outgoing young man without a care in the world and had my very bad faults and her outlook just made it "easy" for me to do what I wanted. I hated the way she was.. I more than once was unfaithful, partied, hung out with my "friends" and really never hesitated for anything I wanted. I admitted and faced my faults and had begged my wife for forgiveness when I realized the mistakes I had been making. When she gave birth to our daughter, who is now 14, it completely changed my life. I did a complete 180 and everything ''seemed'' fine for a great while. Later I realized we were in reality, growing apart. She began to not care about her appearance, always depressed, and no matter what we would do as a family and as a couple, nothing really helped.

She eventually after long persuasion and encouragement went to college, got a nursing degree, and got a good paying job. Now for the record we didnt need the money, but I figured that the way she was going just secluded and shut out was not going to have a good outcome. I assumed her being out and socializing, having a goal of her own, and accomplishing something like getting her degree on her own would boost her confidence and completely change her outlook in life. It actually did do wonders for her. She made some friends and actually became very close with one of her classmates. Somehow,somewhere her friend would tell her how much better off she would be w/o me after my wife would talk to her about my past and how I used to be. My wife began taking this to heart. I noticed her becoming more independent and eventually completely putting up a wall between us. She eventually had an affair with her friends ex husband. It shattered my world. She confessed after I confronted her and we both apologized to eachother. I in my mind figured I did it to her and she apparently forgave me so why wouldn't I. I knew that these things wer never just 1 persons fault. She did break it off but I could tell she was hurting.

I was so devastated eventually I moved out, bought my own house and was set on being on my own. We continued talking and with time got back together. We talked and both agreed we did love eachother and loved our family. To this very moment she will tell me how me and the kids are her world. But at moments she becomes withdrawn. I do all kinds of little things for her. help her with the chores, kids, cooking, you name it I'm involved. I came to understand that it was the little things that mattered to most women and she responded great to that. But eventually I noticed that more and more after a few disputes this was becoming a very one sided effort. She does hug me and kiss me and does tell me she loves me. But it's like she still has a grudge or something. I've come to a point of being very depressed. I have told her and at first she seems concerened, but then it's like if I never had mentioned it. I have repeatedly expressed how I needed so much to have deep conversations with her. How I wish I could tell her how I felt and have her do the same. But to no avail... I really am clueless..

I'm the kind of person who works out, has always cared about my image and have always been very confident. Never unemployed or dependent of others, and have always made a very good living. And though I used to be a bad apple, it's like she was more attracted to me more when I was "bad" than now that i'm nice and caring.. I just don't get it.. I to this day wonder if she still has feelings for this other guy.. And for the record I never became emtionally attached to another woman. And though i was unfaithful more than once, it didn't happen more than 3 or 4 times. All of them 1 night stands and more than likely drunk out of my mind.. I keep on keepin on but I'm getting to a point I have never wanted to reach. And thats actually getting a divorce. It's actually very strange to me because I look back I at who I was and it was like she clinged more to me. Now that I'm laid back it's like I'm always having to be the one trying. Folks don't get me wrong I have come to understand that marriage is hard work. I accept this fully. But does this not apply to both parties? Any advice will be very appreciated.


And I do apologize for the very long post...

Hope that helped. Sorry but been very busy over Holidays.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Mike, my eyes hurt. The enter key is your friend. 

Hit the edit button and break it up into paragraphs. You'll get more comments if it's readable. K


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Mike,

Please break it up! I can't read this!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

The lack of paragraghs without a start middle and end is always favorable and easy to read.

Skipped over it.

My default on marriages of 15 to 25 years and someone thinking wayward is a Mid-life crisis. Seek IC and MC.


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## LiamN (Nov 5, 2012)

Actually, you can save your marriage if you want to - and it's possible to "change" your wife and your relationship without it being hard work. You just need to do the right things to affect your and their behaviours for a different result.
It's up to you if you want to or not though.
This may help: Save Your Marriage Program (free report, The 5 Keys to Saving Your Marriage Now)


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## LonelyMike (Dec 20, 2012)

Anymore thoughts? Anyone? :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Honestly... I think the only chance your marriage could be saved would be w/ excessive amounts of IC and MC for both of you, which I don't think you are prepared to do. You are both serial cheaters... what does she think about divorce? Have you even brought it up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I think you two could DEFINITELY benefit from COUPLES COUNSELING to work on your issues together.

I think your WIFE could use some Individual Counseling, as well, because it seems to be SHE could be suffering from long-term depression. Perhaps medication if she IS depressed, or therapy (talking it out helps women tremendously) if she is NOT depressed.

Either way, you BOTH need PROFESSIONAL HELP if you're going to save THIS marriage.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

x


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