# new marriage failing



## merc225xri (Oct 17, 2011)

2 months ago we got married. last year i was caught propositioning a prostitute on a web site after years of my trying to hide my internet porn addiction from her. so shortly before she found out about the prostitute i just simply gave it all up as i knew it was wrong and wanted a change for our relationship.i never met this prostitute (i know what your all thinking yeah right buddy ). but it is the truth. our relationship has been declining ever since. i stay away from all porno sites yet things keep showing up the history on computer again i have put forth a serious effort in show her how much she means to me and how much i love her. yet things keep appearing and the questions from her keep coming. and i dont have the right answers and know how it looks just wont end for me. the trust is that she thinks i want everybody but her and that is not how i feel. we talk but lately it is just to much for her to deal with and now after 4 yrs together wants a divorce. i want to try and help her coupe with all this but usually ends in fighting..just want back what we had as she did to until yesterday when we fought .there is so much i need to get off my chest with her but i am never given time to talk as all i get is you created all this now live with your actions. so i guess we'll start here and see where it goes. just want to save my marriage at this point.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

If things are "just appearing" on your computer, it's either infected or you aren't telling the truth. There is one more option, she's looking at that stuff.

Wipe the computer completely clean and reload the system to prove that it's not you visiting the sites. Get a tech place to do it if you don't know how. Don't worry about the porn stuff, they have seen more than you ever have.

Next, give her access to all of your accounts (email, FB, etc.) so she can check any time. Same for your cell phone. If you can't say the things to her, do it! Let her see your change.

Good luck!


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## merc225xri (Oct 17, 2011)

i have given her password to all accounts. everything . yet this is still not enough. need to clean out computer like u say as it does just keep reappearing. i hate what she thinks of me now.all she does is find things and blame i feel for what she is feeling. i understand at times what she is feeling as i am living in the same kinda nitemare as her.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

There is some fact to things appearing... you may be on a spam list. Emails saying "saw your profile, want to hook up" which are meant for you (or whoever looking) to click the link provided and go to a website, and thus the spam keeps continuing. Get your hard drive swiped, or buy a new one. 

If you are having trouble talking, consider going to a counsellor? A neutral third person can make discussions a lot easier. I hope things get better for you, if you are sincerely wanting a marriage that works, keep trying and know that things can get better. Not necessarily "the way they were" but with a bit of maturity. After all, you've changed, for the better. Good luck.


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## merc225xri (Oct 17, 2011)

she told me she hates me . knowing its all anger at this point . yes i was in the wrong in doing what i did . and have excepted all actions from it. for her she says she can deal with always seeing things on here and me always saying i dont know. guess a good start is cleaning drive . that is if she comes back home?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Then have her put a password on the computer that only she knows. It will keep a log that anyone can see. Or, stay off of the computer 100% too!

As deejov suggested, go to counseling to get help talking.


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## merc225xri (Oct 17, 2011)

counseling would be great . we dont have insurance and cant afford to pay. i own my own business so staying off at times is hard. there are times when i'll click out of something and she feels i was hidiing something cause she thinks i heard her walking in. was just amazing timing .


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Then install a keylogger program. 

As for counseling, try your church.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

And keep in mind that counseling is much cheaper than separating or divorce... A brand new computer would be much cheaper as well.

Look at it from her perspective. Would you believe the "I don't know how it got there" story? I'm not saying you're lieing; you're the only one that knows the answer to that. But I sure wouldn't be jumping up and down calling you honest if you were my spouse. You're already getting good advice on how to deal with that, though.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Download the free version of Malwarebytes from Malwarebytes : Malwarebytes Anti-Malware is a free download that removes viruses and malware from your computer

Install it, update it, run it every day.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Any chance you could send her a link for divorce busters or other similar website? If you cannot afford counseling, ask others here "where is a good place to start" and get some reading material for both of you. 

Also try writing her a letter, or email instead of talking. 

You can start with expectations of how you should treat each other.
And some reading material on how to communicate more effectively.


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