# not sure what to do next....



## NDhusband61 (Oct 19, 2011)

I will try to be quick. besides a serious concern about my wife's infidelity. there is a big problem from the beginning with affection. Been married about 10 years. dated for about 1o prior (on and off, mostly on). 
She is not affectionate/happy. I need hugs, kisses. I want to laugh and smile together. This rarely happens. I don't need someone all over me 24/7, i just want to be loved. (i sound like the girl in this relationship) i have called her out on it and she says this is who she is and will not change. she jokingly says she is the man in the relationship. which obviously pisses me off.
I guess i have been hoping and hanging onto something that may be ending. we have 2 kids together. i want the kids to see a happy laughing couple. not 2 people who are "roomates" yeah we function well "living" together, but thats it.
my interest and hers are not the same. 
when we got married we were in the "party" stage of our lives. now, i do not drink much or am into the same music etc.
i am very healthy and athletic. she is not.
it seems like we were on a path and the road split and she went one way and i went the other.
the whole infidelity thread is a whole other story. whee i dont even know the truth.
needed to vent.. thanks for listening to my random thoughts..
this is so complex. not 1 thing that is wrong.. bad on many levels.. 
she also refuses to talk to a MC


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Was she affectionate before marriage?


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## NDhusband61 (Oct 19, 2011)

not so much.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Go to IC yourself. Learn more about yourself, and determine what changes you need in your life to be happier.


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## 17years (Nov 12, 2011)

just wanted to say that I can relate to how you feel-not dealing with infidelity-but the other issues sound familiar except in my case it is with my husband. I hope things work out for you and just wanted to let you know being the "girl" in the relationship is not a bad thing-I'm tired of apologizing for needing to feel loved


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I really can't stand when people say "This is who i am, I will not change"...that tells me they aren't even WILLING to try to make it better, which pisses me off.

People are who they are, in a sense, but if my husband needed more affection, how hard would that be? Ugh. 

Sorry, i'm in a mood tonight, but wow...sorry you're going through that. When someone tells me that, it's very much like a dead end.


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## 17years (Nov 12, 2011)

I agree, you tell your partner what you need and the answer is "this is who I am" that is so hurtful. It is hard and humiliating, for me anyway, to tell my husband what I need, and when he makes comments like that, it does pretty much say you are not worth the effort. I am sorry for your difficult time


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

17years said:


> I agree, you tell your partner what you need and the answer is "this is who I am" that is so hurtful. It is hard and humiliating, for me anyway, to tell my husband what I need, and when he makes comments like that, it does pretty much say you are not worth the effort. I am sorry for your difficult time


I've gotten the same kind of response when I've stated I need more physical attention. Not sex, just hugs or kisses just for the Hell of it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 17years (Nov 12, 2011)

it is very hurtful-i have just really had enough and figure i can't move on until we put an end to our marriage-the thought of that is scary but so is the thought of staying in a lonely relationship much longer...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

pidge70 said:


> I've gotten the same kind of response when I've stated I need more physical attention. Not sex, just hugs or kisses just for the Hell of it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Id' give you hugs just for the 'ell of it.


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