# Trying To Understand Some Basics



## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

I've been reading some of the post in the "Sex In Marriage" section and wow I guess you don't need to be shy and hold back much. My questions about sex are more inquisitive related and I don't have any marriage issues... all's good. I'm still nervous about asking these questions... I'm not really sure where to start so I guess I'll just start typing.

I don't really know how to ask these questions without being too wordy, so I apologize up front. I have to give you a little background so you'll understand why I have these questions that are probably pretty basic to most but aren't to me. First, I'm 22 and have been married for a over a month now. My first sexual experience was about 8 months ago with my husband, then fiancé. So yes I'm certainly a rookie and why I have questions.

My inexperience is related to my upbringing. I am the youngest of 6 and the only female with a 6 year gap from my youngest brother. My parents are old school, very loving, caring, strict and religious... and I have 5 big brothers that were all very protective of me. So between my dad and my brothers any of my boy friends were always a bit intimidated and on their best behavior ... so sex in my teen years wasn't even possible or a thought in my head. Then I went to college and wow certainly a whole new world; which made me feel like I was living under a rock the previous 18 years. 

My sophomore year I met my "husband to be" and we became close very quickly and by my junior year we were inseparable. I'm guessing he, like most guys, wanted to have sex but I resisted temptation and he was respectful of that. Now while I resisted, as time went along my curiosity toward sex grew but the fear of the unknown kept me from going too far... I was always just afraid to try. 

Between our Junior and Senior year we were engaged. Now being engaged changed things for me "mentally and emotionally" as I felt we were committed to each other heart and soul. Our senior year my curiosity got the best of me and one Saturday night after we returned from a party, it finally happened. My first experience was a bit overwhelming as it was far more than I expected. It was a moment of excitement mixed with anxiety blended with some discomfort and pleasure all in one. I remember feeling my heart pounding in my chest. 

I'm not sure if this is the same for all women but seeing an adult man naked and excited for the first time was a OMG moment for me. (I've had a few of those moment the past few months) I have no idea what normal is but his parts just seemed unusually large but I have nothing to compare it to. Why my curiosity... that first time certainly wasn't the euphoric feeling of ecstasy I was expecting. It was a bit of struggling and fumbling as he was trying to be careful. He used a condom and maybe that was part of the problem. (It kind of steals the moment) Now he was very gentle but I could only take little over half of him inside me and then it got really uncomfortable and I felt like he was too deep. He tried gently to go further but it felt like there was no more room. This did improve slightly over time but I never could take the whole thing so at that point I'm assuming he's either too big or I'm too small. 

Q) Is there such a thing as a man being to be too big?
Q) What is the typical size?
Q) Is there a such thing as women's V being too small?

About two months before the wedding my mother got me alone for "The Talk". I didn't see this coming... I'm not sure who was more uncomfortable her or me but I decided to just shut up and listen. Naturally mother thought I was this innocent young woman that was walking into marriage inexperienced and she wanted to protect and prepare me. The first thing was getting me on birth control so I wasn't getting pregnant on my honeymoon. (I was thinking to myself... hooray thank you god)! Now my brother was born 9 months after my parents were married so I'm guessing that was probably on her mind.

While the conversation was a bit awkward, I could tell she was being sincere and that she felt it was her responsibility to let me know these" life things". She started right from the wedding night and what I would likely experience; figuring I would be very nervous and that I would have some discomfort being my first time. (My first time... she was right on) This conversation progressed and she explained that sex is more than just what you do to have a baby. She said once a man becomes intimate with a women it changes things and he will develop a natural need and desire for sex. She said just know that taking care of your husband is part of the commitment that comes with marriage. Use it to keep him close to you and never give him a reason to look else ware.

Q) Do men develop a regular need for sex? (So far is sure seems that way)
Q) How often do men need to have sex?
Q) I asked my mom how long the "need" lasts... she paused a second had kind of a smirk and said... I'll let you know when I find out. Now thinking about her response that night I think I know what she was saying... I took it that they were still active... and it's not a desire that fades very quickly? (Another OMG moment)

Now we used condoms up to this point and wanted to save "real sex" (no condom) for after we were married. We also abstained from sex for about six weeks before the wedding to add to the excitement. (I'm not sure my husband was as excited about this as I was but he went along with it) Now, since being married "real sex" is so much better for the both of us. He says it feels better to him and amazingly everything fits now with no discomfort... all is good. For me it feels night and day better. (I don't know but the condoms must pull or something; as real sex is certainly much more comfortable and natural feeling).

Now that first time having real sex took me by surprise when my husband had his release, it was a bit much... no, let me rephrase that... it was ridiculous mess that I wasn't ready for. I thought a women's V would naturally capture and contain the semen, I was wrong there. This again another OMG moment, after the initial rush I continued to drain for what seemed like hours. I now know to have a tissues ready and a pad handy... Jezzz. I don't get it, when you watch movies on cable that have love scenes when they are done the woman just hops up and throws some clothes on and off she goes... no fuss no muss???

Q) What is the normal amount of semen a man will release?
Q) So is it normal to have it just flow back out... or is my V just too small or some other issue?
Q) I have to use pads afterwards as it continues to drain. Is this normal?
Q) If my body doesn't have the ability to retain the semen will we have difficulty trying to conceive a child when we are ready? It may sound like a dumb question but I haven't found anything on it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RookieNookie said:


> Q) Do men develop a regular need for sex? (So far is sure seems that way)


Most men have a need for regular sex. It starts about puberty and usually ends when they fall over dead.
Most women also have a desire for regular sex that lasts a lifetime.



RookieNookie said:


> Q) How often do men need to have sex?


Each person has their own schedule and it fluctuates with live circumstances. You and your husband will end up setting your own routine and that is what’s normal for you. I’ve read some studies that say that in long term marriages, it often settles down to an average of about 2 times a week.

I have a question for you. Your post makes it sound like you think that men have a need for sex but women don’t. Do you think that?

Also no one “needs” sex. Every human could live a lifetime without sex. It’s not required to live. Not like food and water is required to live. 

But sex is important in a marriage because it’s what keeps you bound together emotionally. The more sex you have together, the stronger your love for each other will be. It has to do with the body/brain’s production of the hormone Oxytocin. That, and other feel good hormones, are what makes you feel all giddy and in love. 



RookieNookie said:


> Q) I asked my mom how long the "need" lasts... she paused a second had kind of a smirk and said... I'll let you know when I find out. Now thinking about her response that night I think I know what she was saying... I took it that they were still active... and it's not a desire that fades very quickly? (Another OMG moment)


Why is that an OMG? If you are lucky the desire for a good sex life lasts a life time.
Sex is the best exercise I can think of. It helps me feel better when I’m depressed. It’s the best ‘cure’ for menstrual cramp and all the other bad stuff that does with your menstrual period. Also, women who have a lot of good sex are much healthier than those who don’t. 




RookieNookie said:


> Q) What is the normal amount of semen a man will release?


I’m sure you can do a google search to find this out.


RookieNookie said:


> Q) So is it normal to have it just flow back out... or is my V just too small or some other issue?


Yes, it’s normal for a lot of the semen to flow back out. No, your V is not too small. This is normal. Just keep some hand towels on your bedside table. Sometimes I put a beach towel on top of my sheets. It helps.



RookieNookie said:


> Q) I have to use pads afterwards as it continues to drain. Is this normal?


Yes, it’s normal.



RookieNookie said:


> Q) If my body doesn't have the ability to retain the semen will we have difficulty trying to conceive a child when we are ready? It may sound like a dumb question but I haven't found anything on it.


No, your body is normal. You only need one sperm to make it up to an egg to get pregnant. So it does not take a lot of semen to get pregnant.

Oh, and sex with a condom is still real sex. I'm not sure where you got the idea that it's not real sex if he wears a condom. You can still get pregnant if he uses a condom. It lessons your chance, but some semen often gets out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RookieNookie said:


> Now that first time having real sex took me by surprise when my husband had his release, it was a bit much... no, let me rephrase that... it was ridiculous mess that I wasn't ready for. I thought a women's V would naturally capture and contain the semen, I was wrong there. This again another OMG moment, after the initial rush I continued to drain for what seemed like hours. I now know to have a tissues ready and a pad handy... Jezzz. I don't get it, when you watch movies on cable that have love scenes when they are done the woman just hops up and throws some clothes on and off she goes... no fuss no muss???


Movies are fantasies. In a fantasy world, sex is never messy and your makeup never gets smeared.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Awww you’re so sweet and new to all of this sex stuff!

Everything Ele said is correct. Yes the semen spills out of you for a long time afterwards. Yes if his volume is higher it will take quite awhile to all leak out. I usually get up directly after and sit on the toilet for a few minutes. In that position it leaks out faster and while your body is still hot that helps keep the semen a bit thinner and easier to fall out. But it will still leak a bit for awhile after that, just not as long.

One thing that might be fun for you if you haven’t done this is to give him a hand job or watch him do it himself, so you can actually watch the ejaculation happen. For me, that is always an incredible, interesting and amazing moment! Then you will be able to see how much semen there actually is. And um...seeing how far it goes...that’s pretty awesome too.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Three things guys love ...sex, food and a purpose to work! All three of these things are directly related to the women we love.

What's tricky is they are all not in this order so when your old man is out breaking rocks in the mine...he is doing it for you, so the both of you can eat, and have sex in a nice bed and....cuz sex is fun! I don't care who you are sex is fun!


The reality is making money, eating good food and having sex is the basic's ….marriage is a tough row to ho and the end of the day you can go to sleep knowing you are loyal and true and have a commitment that few have.


At the end of the day marriage is a lot like sex...it can be very messy! The good thing is , like most messes you can clean them up and make another mess.

That's my $0.02


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

It looks like all your questions have been answered.

I'd like to add some things that you didn't ask about.

Enjoy sex with your husband. Do things that both of you want to do, and don't feel shame in the bedroom with your husband. He thinks you are beautiful, and even when your body changes from having babies or other things, he will still be attracted to you, so don't hide yourself or stop having sex with him. 

Learn about your body, and what feels good to you. Women are supposed to enjoy and want sex too. You, being a female have the advantage of being able to have several orgasms without stopping if you want to sometimes. That is quite a gift from our creator! You are not intended to just lay there and let him have his way with you, or for you to only please him. As you learn about your body, teach him what feels good. It will make him very happy, and give him a lot of confidence in his manhood if he can make you feel good, and bring you to an orgasm. Don't be shy about letting him see you have an orgasm. It requires trust and intimacy, and it will deepen your closeness.

Don't be afraid to have sex while you are pregnant. He will need to be more gentle when thrusting, but sex while pregnant is pretty amazing. Imagine having an orgasm the size of your entire uterus!!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Most men have a need for regular sex. It starts about puberty and usually ends when they fall over dead.
> Most women also have a *dead *for regular sex that lasts a lifetime.


Haaaaaa. Was that on purpose? Sorry, for the thread jack OP. But that was too funny.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

RookieNookie said:


> Q) Is there such a thing as a man being to be too big?
> Q) What is the typical size?
> Q) Is there a such thing as women's V being too small?


Everyone is different. I had a conversation with a guy that had been with countless women. He was a bellhop at a hotel as a teenager, and he would get airline stewardesses upgraded rooms for their overnight stay. It was a win win deal for him as these women also enjoyed the company of an excited young male as he helped get them situated in a nice room. I asked him if some women are big and others are small... He said that each woman is indeed different. But from a male point of view he said that he would actually refrain from using the word "size" to ever describe a woman's vagina. Just different from woman to woman. 

As for men being different sizes. Yes everyone is different. Yes some can be problematically too small and some may be problematically too big. There is plenty of information out there on the sizes of male penises, so get out your measuring tape and feel free to compare against what is normal in your culture. Different regions of the world have different normal sizes. Condom companies sometimes struggle with this as governments limit the maximum size (girth) condom because bigger condoms usually feel better because men do not like something too tight as it is numbing. Bigger condoms also tend to slip off and cause unwanted pregnancies or spread of diseases, so this is why governments tend to make regulations to err on the side of being too tight so they will not slip off. So a tight condom is not a good indication that your man is too big, but more of an indication that the government is worried about diseases. 




RookieNookie said:


> Q) What is the normal amount of semen a man will release?
> Q) So is it normal to have it just flow back out... or is my V just too small or some other issue?
> Q) I have to use pads afterwards as it continues to drain. Is this normal?
> Q) If my body doesn't have the ability to retain the semen will we have difficulty trying to conceive a child when we are ready? It may sound like a dumb question but I haven't found anything on it.


The amount of semen a man will release depends on how frequently he releases and for how long he is aroused prior to ejaculation. So if you two have a quicky without any foreplay, and you were together within the last 24 hours, then it will be a smaller amount. If it has been a few days and your lovemaking goes on for hours until he releases, then it will be a much larger amount. 

As for what comes back out afterwards, your probably best to get advice from the ladies on that. From what you describe you sound perfectly healthy and normal from my point of view.

Regards,
Badsanta


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I'll share too. I was a virgin when I married, and I was like you - I had lots of questions. I was very nervous because it took multiple trips to the gynecologist before I could actually complete the exam. It was VERY uncomfortable. 

I also couldn't "fit" him in the first few times. It took awhile for my body to adjust and to relax. But trust me, unless he is just ABNORMAL, your body will accommodate him. I will say that there is a point of resistance that you have to break through (the hymen) before sex really feels good. It's a moment of pain, but a LOT of pleasure after.

Here's the thing about sex - and I am a conservative Christian woman: God designed it. Read Song of Solomon. It's not all about procreation and a man's need. As you learn together, it is amazing and intimate and passionate and wonderful. I highly recommend the book, The Gift of Sex. It is from a Christian perspective and celebrates sex.

Think of the newness and fumbling as endearing and normal. Now, for those who do not hold the typical Christian view of sex, hide your eyes. But I had in my mind as a fumbling virgin  that I would rather have to be awkward and fumble than have so much "experience" that it was just old hat and not as special and "him only." Yes, I get that not everyone feels that way, and it is not a dig unless one chooses to read it that way. I am a former virgin speaking to a very recent virgin.


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## Knips (May 23, 2017)

About you're question about the size of the Penis and Vagine. Size differs from person to person. The normal average penis size goes from about 4.5 inch to 6.5 inch. Most woman are satisfied with a normal penis. Some woman prefer a really large one. Vaginal size depends on different factor's: level of arrousal, fact that woman had given childbirth, length and height from the person, period in the monthly cycle. Know that you must compare the inside of a vagina with a balloon. When the woman is arroused the inner vagina elongates and becomes bigger. After sex it adjusts back to it previous size. Have you experienced orgasms? Good sex position for that is when you go on top of him and grind the pelvises against each other so you get clitorial stimulation. On top you can control this grinding motion and work yourself to an orgasm. Of course a lot of practicing is needed 🙂


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> -snip_
> Most women also have a *dead* for regular sex that lasts a lifetime.
> 
> -snip-


I'm pretty sure that was a typo.


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## Stormguy2018 (Jul 11, 2018)

Great answers. Enjoy your husband. It's the way things are designed to be. Particularly when you're young.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Thanks EleGirl... I couldn't get the quote button to work but your reply was very helpful and I feel better knowing that what I've been experiencing is normal. These were questions I knew I couldn't ask anyone I know in person... so I do appreciate the reply. As for your question to me about sex... I never really thought about it but it just seems like guys have a buildup that is different than what a woman does. I do think sex is important as it does make you feel so very close which is way beyond the love you feel for any other person. It kind of transforms me to another state mind that I can't really describe but I certainly talk different, express myself different and just feel emotionally different when the lights dim and I know my husband desires me. As for my OMG moment about my parents... I guess I just never thought of my parents in that way but after thinking about it... it sure makes sense. They always did flirt in subtle ways with each other, and well... they did have six children over a 14 year span... so something was going on. LOL As for the movies... I get your point but when you don't know any better and haven't experienced it before you don't expect the ending... and you certainly aren't prepared that first time... it is a OMG what heck moment. I'm ready now and there is always a box of tissue within reach. As for "Real Sex" I know my virginity was gone that first time... maybe better wording would have been natural sex? Again thanks for the help.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Faithful Wife - Thanks for the reply... Yeah some things you just learn the hard way LOL. I just had no idea the leaking lingers like it does. Yeah I'm still curious about how much... but I'm not sure I want semen flying all over the place. I am going to do some snooping on the internet as I'm still having a hard time believing this is normal. I did just get over my p a couple of weeks ago and when I was back in action so was Mr. RN... the volume did seem like it was even more right afterwards which does make sense... but it still seems unusual.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Araucaria - Thanks... I do enjoy my husband and our intimate time together. I haven't experience an orgasm yet but I'm not really sure what that is supposed to be. I'm sure when it happens I'll know.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

personofinterest - Thanks for your reply... a lot of similarities I can relate to. That first time was awkward but so special. Yeah the body must adjust somehow... I find it quite fascinating.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Thanks to all of you that posted I learned a few things tonight that set my mind at ease... and I'm sure I'll be more relaxed next time we get intimate. He's asleep right now... maybe I'll go wake him up! > 0


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

RookieNookie, you are curious about some things being "normal." Well that is OK but what you have is one person (your H) and even if he does not fall into a "normal range" he is and has what he has and most likely wouldn't be able to change anything, so work WHAT IS. You or him can't change your height or a lot of other things.

Real sex or condom sex. I never liked condoms because shin to skin feels so much better. Wet and slippery feels better than a condom. Semen volume, that is based on his biology so what is normal isn't an option for him to adjust, nothing can be done to change it. Work with what is. I read that some women are so lubricated when sexually excited they get really wet. It is the same way, they are what they are, goes for a women and someone else isn't going to change her. 

About you not experiencing an orgasm during sex. That is common but it helps if you can have an orgasm on your own so work on that and the sexual pleasure you have with your H will usually improve. One thing, never fake an orgasm. If something feels really good that might lead to some special or unique sexual pleasure, give your H some clues as to what he or you are doing that begins to turn you on. It only has to be a grunt/moan or a small extra sound. Even a tighter grip works. People need clues related to what works. 

Most men want to see their W have as much pleasure as they are having so let him know what works for you. It helps you and the relationship to be a little selfish by having your H do things that work for you because if you give and don't get, eventually some of the interest for the other person very slowly dies.

If I could telepath what an orgasm feels like to me, and I am guessing your H feels the same way, it is such a rush and enjoyable. There is a French term "La petite mort" or the little death (in a very very good way) it is total pleasure. Read the following link with a positive outlook:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_petite_mort


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RookieNookie said:


> Araucaria - Thanks... I do enjoy my husband and our intimate time together. I haven't experience an orgasm yet but I'm not really sure what that is supposed to be. I'm sure when it happens I'll know.


I suspected that because your whole sex life seems to start - and end - with HIS climax.

When a woman is sufficiently aroused, her uterus actually tilts back, allowing more room for a penis during intercourse. Quite honestly, it sounds as though you're not getting any foreplay (or precious *little*) and coupled with probably not being lubricated enough, that could possibly be why you're not able to receive him the way you should.

So when does sex actually start to be about you *too*, and not just about him and how much he needs it and why he can't fit and how you have to wear pads to absorb his semen? It's all about HIM.

I'm telling you right now, if you continue taking this passive role as though your whole sex life is based on him and his needs while your needs are continually unmet (and sexually, they ARE unmet at this point), you're going to be a very unhappy woman a couple years from now when the thrill of catering to him wears off. And it WILL. 

Feeling all close and intimate is great, but you two need to educate yourselves about women's sexuality and female sexual response. Your husband seems to think sex begins and ends with *HIS* climax and it doesn't. You need to change this dynamic now.

Mark my words. You'll be stuck with a very unfulfilling sex life if you don't educate yourself - and HIM - about your own body.


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## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

RookieNookie said:


> Q) What is the normal amount of semen a man will release?


10cc. Just ask the 1970's band, 10cc.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

RookieNookie said:


> Araucaria - Thanks... I do enjoy my husband and our intimate time together. I haven't experience an orgasm yet but I'm not really sure what that is supposed to be. I'm sure when it happens I'll know.


How long were you dating and having sex with him? Is he as naïve about sex as you are? While sex is ok without experiencing an orgasm once in a while (like with quickies) orgasms are very important for women too. If you don't start experiencing them most of the time when you have sex, you will likely grow to not like sex. Who could blame you?

Right now your husband sounds like lazy and selfish lover in that he is not taking care of your needs during sex. The good news is that this is very easy to fix.

Are you expecting that intercourse will lead to orgasms, eventually? If you are, well that's not likely to happen. Only about 25% of women can orgasm from penetration alone.

Most women can only organism from stimulation of their clitoris. This is why foreplay is some important to women. Plus in a good sexual encounter the two of you can do all sorts of things in foreplay that drives the other crazy. Do you two engage in much foreplay at all?

Here is a book that both of you would benefit from reading. You both seem to not know a lot about sex. So this should help.

*She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman* by Ian Kerner

Fixing your sex life is a project that can be a lot of fun. Enjoy it, both of you.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Sex in Marriage (Rochelle Fox)

Give it a read. It is not the answer to everything but has some good info.

When my wife was younger she could not take full penetration....it's normal.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

RookieNookie said:


> Araucaria - Thanks... I do enjoy my husband and our intimate time together. I haven't experience an orgasm yet but I'm not really sure what that is supposed to be. I'm sure when it happens I'll know.


Is your husband new to this as well?

I would also recommend the book "She Comes First". It will educate you and your husband about your body, and how it works. Just relax, do what the book illustrates, and enjoy yourself. Orgasms are a big part of what bonds you to your husband, and make the experience more fulfilling for you. Which is really important for the long-term health of you marriage. So don't neglect the knowledge the book gives you.

But don't let any set backs or delays discourage you, it takes time to get it right


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

She'sStillgotit & Elegirl - Hmmm... Your last post makes me wonder if you read all of the original post or if you misunderstood the reason I asked the questions that I did. In my post my difficulty was pre-marriage but once we were married everything was fine. As for my questions, I did say they were inquisitive; as not having any experience with sex I didn't know what to expect or know what is "Normal". Now since my last post, as suggested, I have been doing a lot of reading on the internet. While I know you can find just about anything on the internet... I just didn't expect these types of questions to be there... There was certainly more information there and in greater detail than I anticipated. As for buying books on the subject ... maybe... but I would feel weird having a book in the house on this subject... so for now I'll just ask questions. Trust me I'm not suffering... things are really good. 

Now to back up a little based on questions to me... Our first sexual PIV experience was Dec 2017 (Yes, both of us). Now, I am by nature kind of a nervous person, a bit reserved and sometimes I just over think things. So it takes a lot for me to be really relaxed. In retrospect that first and subsequent times probably weren't under ideal circumstances; I had a wedding coming , college finals that week, a tough semester still to go and my father had just had a medical scare and needed a stent... so yes my head was spinning and mentally I was not where I should have been. So that would be my fault not my husbands. Now, I was going to remain a virgin until my wedding night but I wanted that night to be enjoyable for both of us. (I was afraid I may bleed and it may hurt so holding out "in my head" at that point wasn't worth sacrificing our wedding night)

As for the sex pre-marriage... my husband was gentle and caring and yes there was foreplay. Looking back at things and knowing what I know now I'm pretty sure I wasn't properly lubricated. I think there were multiple reasons for this, not being relaxed, personality, everything going, the size of my husband (Yes, based on what I read he is certainly above what the internet says in average) and I still think the condom was part of the issue. Now leading up to the wedding we only had sex about 6 times which fell into about a 4 1/2 month window. As I said, it did improve each time but things just never really fit well.

Fast forward, Our wedding night it was like magic everything fit perfectly, no discomfort and it was very enjoyable. We were both amazed and incredibly excited how things just fit. In my head I thought the difference was that the sex was natural (No condom) but I'm sure it was my state of arousal as I was certainly much more relaxed. Now, I was not aware that my uterus tilts or that the "V" grows but per what I found on the internet is that the "V" can double in length and some articles said it can grow as much as 200% in length. So, that myth is confirmed and it now makes perfect sense why things just fit.

Now as far as experiencing an orgasm, from what I've read I shouldn't push the panic button yet. Not all women will or do experience them? It sounds like my nervous personality is working against me a little here. I have a hard time just letting my emotions flow; I think it's the fear of feeling out of control or something. I know I have to be emotionally "in the zone" along with the right physical stimulation. An "O" generally requires more than PIV. So it seems oral sex or toys, which we haven't attempted or tried either. I'm not interested in toys as I rather it be him, it feels like cheating to me and I don't want to be dependent on some device. Now I do have some questions about oral sex... should I ask them here or start a new post?


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## Leroi (May 13, 2016)

Hi
no more a virgin (I'm 44), but I was when I met my wife, 23years ago. She wasn't V anymore, but had very little experience. So quite similar to you and your H.

What can I say? it looks to me you both are doing well, and you are on the right path: you are curious about sex, willing to try and to understand, and he seems a godd guy who respects your desires.

The light critics I sense in the last posts are due, I presume, to the fact that sometime you seemed to be paying more attention to his satisfaction than yours, and this can be a real big mistake.
Sex is a better game if played together: and when I say together I mean that his needs are important and YOUR needs are important; are you happy to satisfy him? yes? it's the same for him, I guess.
I'd say there's nothing more satisfying for a man than knowing his partner is enjoying sex. Let him know what you like, but also that you haven't experienced the big O yet, and ask him to help. Touch, play, do oral, try things, explore, communicate, with no shame at all, as you are building your life together.
Otherwise - that's the fear of the others, and mine as well - one day you will find that you have lost something (read some of the 3d about LD-HD partners: their all about lack of communication).
I wish you well, and I'm sure it will be.


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## StuckInLove (Jun 6, 2017)

Your experience sounds magical. Discovering the beauties and even the complications of sex with your life partner, someone who you share a deep love and connection with, is just about the most amazing thing ever. Don't ever stop exploring each other! I remember the first time my wife and I experienced each other without a condom, it was absolutely mind blowing for both of us, and has never stopped getting better. Sharing sex the way nature intended is just...perfect. Don't forget, though, that your pleasure is just as important as his. He will get as much excitement and satisfaction out of making you orgasm as you do for him. The first time he brings you to climax, you both are going to form an even deeper connection than you ever thought possible, especially if you both climax together!

Regarding the big O, as recommended earlier in this thread, check out the book "She Comes First". Don't worry about having it in the house, it's not dirty, or pornography, or simply a collection of positions and maneuvers, there aren't really even any super graphic illustrations. It's a very scientific approach, written by a doctor, and really pulls apart and analyzes the science behind what a woman's orgasm is all about. If you're still worried, get the digital version! 

It sounds like you two have a bright and colorful road ahead. I miss having those first times, but I will tell you that it only gets better. If there's one word of advice I can give that will have the biggest impact, it would be....COMMUNICATE!!


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## EveningThoughts (Jul 12, 2018)

You have received plenty of good advice so I don't have much to add. 
But I will comment on the volume and it dripping out later. You could ask him to pull out occasionally and come on you instead of in you, if you both like that idea. Not everyone does, I realise. 

Please do try and discover more about your clitoris as that is your pleasure button. PIV sex is a wonderful feeling but many women don't orgasm that way.

Although the men who replied here love to give their wives pleasure, this isn't true of all men. People here have voiced this concern so that you start your marriage knowing that your needs are important too. (Advice I wish I had at your age


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

First off @RookieNookie, don't feel disadvantaged simply because of your seemingly lack of 'experience'. You found someone you love and you're lucky to lose your virginity with someone you care about, and that's a good thing. Sex and intimacy is up to the couple and no couple should compare themselves with others. With that said:



RookieNookie said:


> Q) Is there such a thing as a man being to be too big?


Yes, but it's not always a problem.



> Q) What is the typical size?


Lots of information here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_penis_size



> Q) Is there a such thing as women's V being too small?


You'll be surprised how much it can stretch.



> Q) Do men develop a regular need for sex? (So far is sure seems that way)


Most often, yes as is the need for physical affection.



> Q) How often do men need to have sex?


Depends on the man, ask him.



> Q) What is the normal amount of semen a man will release?


Around a spoonful to several.



> Q) So is it normal to have it just flow back out... or is my V just too small or some other issue?


Normal, also a turn on for many men.



> Q) I have to use pads afterwards as it continues to drain. Is this normal?


Yes.



> Q) If my body doesn't have the ability to retain the semen will we have difficulty trying to conceive a child when we are ready? It may sound like a dumb question but I haven't found anything on it.


No.

Also... children are a big responsibility and I highly recommend planned pregnancy - aka using condoms/pills/etc. I understand how condoms may lessen the sensation but I do recommend seeking means of birth control as having a child when you're not ready can really put a strain on the relationship and lifestyle. If he can 'pull out' in time continue to do so but remember it's very risky. 

To minimise the risk you can try ultra-thin condoms as birth control pills do have side effects, they aren't as good as going skin to skin, but it will lessen the risk. Also if you are worried about breakages due to the thinness of the material, watch this:


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

RandomDude said:


> You'll be surprised how much it can stretch.



That’s true. Even I could fit into it at one point



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## MartinBeck (Jan 19, 2017)

I sense in general that you have a fair bit of nervousness and anxiety about the topic of sex and sexuality in general. 

I think you should try to set a goal for yourself to improve your new marriage by trying to get over your anxieties around sexuality. If you can be more comfortable in your own head, the you can be more comfortable talking about sex your husband, and that can only help your marriage down the road when you are no longer newlyweds.


A number of people have recommended some books. You say you are uncomfortable with having a book about sexuality in your home - why is that? Is that because of your own embarrassment? Fear of your husband reacting badly to finding out you bought a sex book? Fear that your mom or another visitor to your home would see it out on a bookshelf? Ask yourself what you are actually afraid of. 

The second thing that is interesting and probably also connected to anxiety is that you say you haven’t had an orgasm. As others have recommended, for the long-term health of your marriage and your sex life, you should make sure you’re getting off sometimes.

Do you masturbate? I suspect you don’t feel comfortable touching yourself. So should set yourself a goal to learn how to give yourself an orgasm. 

So here’s my concrete specific recommendation:

Part one: Place an Amazon order. Order one or two of the books recommended here. And order yourself a “bullet” or “pocket rocket” vibrator. 

If you are afraid of doing this, then spend a lot of time trying to really understand what you’re afraid of. 

Part two: Tell your husband one day that you want to do something a little different. And after you’ve made out with him for a while and gotten yourself excited, explore using the vibrator on yourself while he holds you and kisses you. Spend some time, and make it about the two of you exploring and being close.


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## RookieNookie (Jul 22, 2018)

Thanks for the replies... the reason I don't want the book around has more to do with my Family... as my brothers have many kids and kids seem to get into everything. (We just had them over for a cookout). I do want to get the book I just need to be careful with it. As for toys I just want my H to bring me there... the same as I want it to be me that makes the moment happen for him.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

RookieNookie said:


> I've been reading some of the post in the "Sex In Marriage" section and wow I guess you don't need to be shy and hold back much. My questions about sex are more inquisitive related and I don't have any marriage issues... all's good. I'm still nervous about asking these questions... I'm not really sure where to start so I guess I'll just start typing.
> 
> I don't really know how to ask these questions without being too wordy, so I apologize up front. I have to give you a little background so you'll understand why I have these questions that are probably pretty basic to most but aren't to me. First, I'm 22 and have been married for a over a month now. My first sexual experience was about 8 months ago with my husband, then fiancé. So yes I'm certainly a rookie and why I have questions.
> 
> ...



All sounds normal to me. 

Do yourself a favor and enjoy it. Your husband desires you, that is more then just a body thing by the way, when he has sex with you for him it's a way to feel very very close to you. Like a deep intimate conversation might feel to you where after you talk you feel like you know the person better and are now very close. Embrace that. Try to get the most out of it so you will want to do it, meaning learn yourself and what makes you feel good. Let your husband know if he is pleasing you. You need to understand for most men this is one of the primary ways he will feel intimate with you and if you are into it he will feel even closer. 

It's a wonderful thing.


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