# Fight Abt Ex



## discouragedstepmom (Nov 17, 2011)

I need some advice...

My husband and I have reconciled after a long break and he tells me he understands that our family comes 1st and that he needs to create boundaries for his X and he calls to tell her abt Xmas and we want his kids on Xmas Eve and she says no that if he wants them he can have them on Monday (After Xmas) he doesn't say anything to her, NOTHING!!!
And he tells me, why if it isn't going to change anything... i don't expect his actions to change her ways, but i NEED to see it in order to know he is trying to make things better for us... we almost got a divorce over all of this and his LACK OF ACTIONS and here we are again 3 weeks after he moved back in and he just says that he is sorry he didn't react... 

advice please....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

discouragedstepmom said:


> I need some advice...
> 
> My husband and I have reconciled after a long break and he tells me he understands that our family comes 1st and that he needs to create boundaries for his X and he calls to tell her abt Xmas and we want his kids on Xmas Eve and she says no that if he wants them he can have them on Monday (After Xmas) he doesn't say anything to her, NOTHING!!!
> And he tells me, why if it isn't going to change anything... i don't expect his actions to change her ways, but i NEED to see it in order to know he is trying to make things better for us... we almost got a divorce over all of this and his LACK OF ACTIONS and here we are again 3 weeks after he moved back in and he just says that he is sorry he didn't react...
> ...


Does your husband have a signed visitation agreement? 

I agree with you that it’s ridiculous that she will not allow the children to be with their father on the holiday. 

Before anyone can really reply to you post, what is the legal situation? Does he have any custody? What is the visitation plan filed with the court?


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

On the flip side of that, if my X asked for kids on xmas eve, I would say no. My compromise would be he is welcome to our house after we're done with our xmas on xmas day. 

We have court order that says my kids are in my full custody. Him and I decided I get all full holidays so as to not bounce them all over the place and be fair to them. Home is home. Dad's is dads. 

Dad will take the girls 26th-29th. He is content with this and doesn't fight.

I guess it's different for each family.


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## ScaredandUnsure (Nov 17, 2011)

My ex and I alternate holidays. He had them for Thanksgiving, he will also have them Christmas Eve, and then bring them home to me Christmas Day. We have it set up very lax through the courts, and we set up the best days for us, and I give him a lot more time with our children than specified in our papers. It works out for both our families (me+fiance and ex hubby and his wife) and the kids are happy about everything.

If they have court ordered visits and holidays, if she is denying him his parenting time, he should address it with the courts, eventually she will be held in contempt. Hopefully you guys get something worked out for the kids sake. I hate hearing or seeing parents use their children against each other, because really the only losers in that situation, are the kids.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, if they have no agreement, then she can do what she wants. They are his and her children. He didn't say anything, so he is ok with the situation. Don't know what else *you* can do about it. Try not to fight with him about it though. He's trying to keep the peace with her so she doesn't get all crazy with the kids' time, I bet.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Original Poster, I' m a little confused about your question. You mention that the problem is boundaries between your husband and his ex, but this question or concern seems less about boundaries and more about demands. I'm not trying to pick on you, but, maybe you could clarify the part that you're worried about? Is it that you want to spend more time with the step-kids, that you want him to challenge his ex on her decisions more often, or something else? That seems a little ambiguous in this post...You mention that you want him to show that your family comes first, but as you guys have a family with different sets of parents, it's going to be tough to do that without creating problems. If your concern is wanting more time with the step-kids, then maybe you both need to sit down with the ex and see if there is an amicable way you can talk beforehand about the arrangements. It would be better than just asking you husband to put his foot down about things that might cause problems later on because when people understand each other, they are often more willing to compromise than when they just see something as a battle of wills.


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