# My freind I grew up with is cheating with my neighbor



## Sukisue1234 (Jan 17, 2018)

I am tired of her using me as her out of the house lying to her husband diversion tactic, it so happens tht I inadvertantly introduce ed them when I was picking up a few things at her yardsale last summer and shes been seeing him since at least November possible since September is my geuss.I have seen her with him in public and watched her sneak up the road on foot to his house, we my freind and I are also freinds with her husband of 25 years plus, so I'm sickened by how shes doing. And by how shes changed and become a greed and selfcenterd person since her husband and mom in law are ill. And now is bragging abt selling all his stuff when he dies, and is having an affair with my neighbor. Am just sick abt her awful behavior and dnt know if I can ever see her any diffrent.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Have you let her husband know that she is cheating? If you can, do that anonymously (try to send proof also -- a few pics).
She sounds like she is off in affair fog-land, and doesn't care what anyone else thinks.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Tell her husband so that he can change his will.

I'd point out to the neighbor that he has a front row seat in watching how she treats men who become ill. She wouldn't treat him any differently. But, then again, he would deserve her as he is carrying on with a woman whose spouse is ill. They're both dogs.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Sukisue1234 said:


> we my freind and I are also freinds with her husband of 25 years plus,


??? So your friend, is it her husband she's cheating with?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

She is a terrible person. Blow up her world and _*immediately*_ tell her husband what she is doing. Do not give shelter or protection to this worthless person. She is not someone to have as a friend. 

*If you continue to hide this, what kind of person does that make you?*


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I don't think its ever a good idea to get in the middle of something like this. 

I'd tell her you won't lie to cover her anymore, but I don't recommend telling him.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

There are anonymous ways of telling her husband if you don't want to get caught up in the drama.

At any rate, I highly suggest you make sure he knows. Don't try to prove it to him or get caught up in it, just make sure he knows what you know, and the rest is up to him.


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## SoccerDad15 (Dec 10, 2019)

Wow this is a tough one. Your friend does not seem like a very good person, or at least some psychological issues she is dealing with. 

I would not continue to lie for her. 

I'm not sure if I would tell the husband though. How long does he have to live? Poor guy has enough to deal with facing his own mortality.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

this BH deserves the truth.
you and your husband should go tell him when she is out.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

She is not really a friend because she has put you in the 
middle of something that is going to end in trouble for you.
If she is seen in public and sneaking around the neighborhood
other people know or at least suspect maybe even her husband.

This is going to blow up and involve a lot of people. You, your 
so called friend the neighbor. She has put you in this position 
and I would be really upset if I were you.

He deserves to know


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I lost the best friend I've ever had in a similar situation. We were younger, and not married yet, but she was cheating on her fiance while we lived together. I couldn't stand by and watch her do that to him, especially when she brought him over to our house all the time and I had to smile to his face and pretend I didn't know anything. I told her that I felt I was complicit in her lying, that I didn't think it was right and that if she did not tell him that I would. I think she knew I was serious. 

I went away for the weekend right after we had that fight. Came back home a few days later and she was gone... along with all of her things. Apparently used the weekend I was gone to move out, and she moved in with her fiance. That opened a whole new can of worms (left the place a mess, some of the things she took when moving were mine, left me holding the lease and refused to pay rent anymore even though we had a contract, etc.) It immediately ended our friendship. All because I threatened to tell the truth. 

I was so angry and left in such a mess that I never did tell her fiance. I regret that, but it seems too late now. They did get married and have now been married for over 10 years (we are friends on FB now). I assume he never found out... but I really dont know.

Personally, I think you should at least have a very honest conversation with your friend that you are not going to be involved anymore. I do not regret losing my friendship, but I do regret never actually telling her fiance the truth. I do believe that you become part of the lies yourself when you stand by and watch them happen. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

kag123 said:


> I lost the best friend I've ever had in a similar situation. We were younger, and not married yet, but she was cheating on her fiance while we lived together. I couldn't stand by and watch her do that to him, especially when she brought him over to our house all the time and I had to smile to his face and pretend I didn't know anything. I told her that I felt I was complicit in her lying, that I didn't think it was right and that if she did not tell him that I would. I think she knew I was serious.
> 
> I went away for the weekend right after we had that fight. Came back home a few days later and she was gone... along with all of her things. Apparently used the weekend I was gone to move out, and she moved in with her fiance. That opened a whole new can of worms (left the place a mess, some of the things she took when moving were mine, left me holding the lease and refused to pay rent anymore even though we had a contract, etc.) It immediately ended our friendship. All because I threatened to tell the truth.
> 
> ...


I think it’s a lie we like to tell ourselves - that we can lack integrity in just one area of our life and it doesn’t spill over. 

But if you lack integrity, you just lack integrity. I have known many cheaters. Not one - ever - hasn’t cheated in other aspects of their life, been an addict, stolen, been abusive in some way, or whatever. 

The “I cheated but I’m still a good person” just hasn’t been true, ever, in my experience - unless they deal with that fundamental character flaw. 

All this is to say that she was never actually your friend to begin with, I suspect.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I absolutely agree with telling her that you're both disgusted in her behaviour, and that you won't be covering for her anymore.

I'm in two minds about telling her husband though...exactly how ill is he? Is he terminal? If he's coming to the end of his life, I'm not sure if that is necessarily the right thing - for his sake.


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## aquarius1 (May 10, 2019)

frusdil said:


> I absolutely agree with telling her that you're both disgusted in her behaviour, and that you won't be covering for her anymore.
> 
> I'm in two minds about telling her husband though...exactly how ill is he? Is he terminal? If he's coming to the end of his life, I'm not sure if that is necessarily the right thing - for his sake.


This one is a tough call isn't it?
I am in agreement about setting the so-called "friend" straight.
I understand that it would be really hard on him. But doesn't he need to know in case he wants to change the will to another beneficiary? That's my thinking.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

frusdil said:


> I absolutely agree with telling her that you're both disgusted in her behaviour, and that you won't be covering for her anymore.
> 
> I'm in two minds about telling her husband though...exactly how ill is he? Is he terminal? If he's coming to the end of his life, I'm not sure if that is necessarily the right thing - for his sake.


It’s his decision to make, not hers. And to make it, he needs the facts. 

He is not a child. No-one should treat him as one.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

He needs to be told. Give the poor man a chance to change his will.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You see....

When you 'out' some other soul, you leave the door open just long enough for Fate to 'out' you.

If you have clean hands, then write clear, the wrong, if your hands are dirty, expect your own dirt to be exposed.

Hypocrites are always on the edge, soon to topple off the cliff made of their own lies.


SunCMars-


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This girlfriend, she sees......

The hands on the clock.
The dying writing on the wall.

She knows her own hands will be soon idled for lack of a partnered fate.

She is trying to beat the clock by handling tight a not seen in 'mourning', that clock-a-doodle do.

Her motive is obvious, her fear is understandable.

It is her clock, and that new clock-a-do, yes, it is her timing that is rightly miss-chimed.

Had she waited for the old to go sunder, she could then strut proudly with her new rooster in tow, with no fowl calls heard.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

May the Filter Queen be asleep.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

aquarius1 said:


> This one is a tough call isn't it?
> I am in agreement about setting the so-called "friend" straight.
> I understand that it would be really hard on him. But doesn't he need to know in case he wants to change the will to another beneficiary? That's my thinking.





Marduk said:


> It’s his decision to make, not hers. And to make it, he needs the facts.
> 
> He is not a child. No-one should treat him as one.


I know  It's such a tough call though - I'm not saying he should be treated as a child, just trying to spare him anymore pain, but I do get what you're saying.


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## .339971 (Sep 12, 2019)

Stop covering for her. If you wish to get involved but want to maintain a safe distance from the fallout take a few shots of her escapades and have it sent to her husband when you know she isn't around. Anonymously. And I don't think she turned into a greedy, selfish individual overnight. She's always been that way and has been successful (until now) covering her tracks. You owe her nothing and she isn't a friend since she's put you in this position.


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## Sukisue1234 (Jan 17, 2018)

First off I'm not hiding anything, or condoning wht shes doing at all I'm disappointed and disgusted. I've not seen him to tell anyone anything I'm hoping shes gonna knock off her bad behavior before it's too late and she ruins her life and whts left of his


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## Sukisue1234 (Jan 17, 2018)

I'm not doing anything to hide it or being apart of her lies, or helping cover for her, shes been calling me acting like shes doing things with me or other thing s to get out of the house while telling me made up crap shes got to go do infrontnof the husband. To look like shes doing something initially other than making her time with her secret santa,,


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## Sukisue1234 (Jan 17, 2018)

I agree with you Goldielocks, both are dogs,, it's not the first time cheating for either of them so I'm not surprised just dont like tht I was put in this position as I was the reason they met inadvertantly


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## Sukisue1234 (Jan 17, 2018)

Sun mars, my hands are very clean as i dont live my life in lies and cheating or being greedy self centered and only pretending as some do.. I have no dirty anything in my closet only clean laundry that gets washed and hung out for anyone to see. So not scared of the light on my choices to care abt others .


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Sukisue1234 said:


> Sun mars, my hands are very clean as i dont live my life in lies and cheating or being greedy self centered and only pretending as some do.. I have no dirty anything in my closet only clean laundry that gets washed and hung out for anyone to see. So not scared of the light on my choices to care abt others .


Ah, yes, all is good from your end of things.....

So then... bare her ass, spell out, and point out her phony spoken asterisks to her sick hubby.

Those phony 'ass-tricks' of her.

Let the poor man know her soulless ways. Let him know, now, not when she eventually joins him.

That way he can 'haunt her' from the other side, when that appointed time arrives.

It may be painful, more painful, but retribution need not die for lack of knowing these truths.

She is having her funny bone and it tickles her fancy.

Let her know what fear and anguish feels like.

Be, Karma's sister in law.


Lilith-


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Sukisue1234 said:


> I'm not doing anything to hide it or being apart of her lies, or helping cover for her, shes been calling me acting like shes doing things with me or other thing s to get out of the house while telling me made up crap shes got to go do infrontnof the husband. To look like shes doing something initially other than making her time with her secret santa,,


This in it's self is an omission, by default on your part. You say not covering but because you say nothing, makes you the accomplice in the greater sense. But you come here hoping to get relief from your conscience. Don't rattle the shield of honesty, when you fail to stand for what is right and proper. You must choose where you stand. Integrity is doing the right thing when no one see you. Just saying.....


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

kag123 said:


> I lost the best friend I've ever had in a similar situation. We were younger, and not married yet, but she was cheating on her fiance while we lived together. I couldn't stand by and watch her do that to him, especially when she brought him over to our house all the time and I had to smile to his face and pretend I didn't know anything. I told her that I felt I was complicit in her lying, that I didn't think it was right and that if she did not tell him that I would. I think she knew I was serious.
> 
> I went away for the weekend right after we had that fight. Came back home a few days later and she was gone... along with all of her things. Apparently used the weekend I was gone to move out, and she moved in with her fiance. That opened a whole new can of worms (left the place a mess, some of the things she took when moving were mine, left me holding the lease and refused to pay rent anymore even though we had a contract, etc.) It immediately ended our friendship. All because I threatened to tell the truth.
> 
> ...


there is no statute of limitations for telling the truth.

this BH serves the truth.

why?

I have seen too many WW cheat on their BH before they married him
to only cheat on them after they had married.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> He needs to be told. Give the poor man a chance to change his will.


Unless he lives long enough to also divorce her, she will still inherit unless she signs away her rights.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Are you saying they have both cheated on each other in the past? If so maybe this is just the arrival of the karma bus.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Marduk said:


> There are anonymous ways of telling her husband if you don't want to get caught up in the drama.
> 
> At any rate, I highly suggest you make sure he knows. Don't try to prove it to him or get caught up in it, just make sure he knows what you know, and the rest is up to him.


I don't get this anonymous stuff. If it's something the cheated-on husband should know, then it's something she (OP) should first let her "friend" know that she's got one chance to come clean to her husband, otherwise she's (the OP) telling the cheated-on husband herself. Inevitably her (the cheater's) world will blow up, but I think it fair to let her (the cheater) face the manner in which it blows up herself. 

If nothing else, there should be some time in which the cheating wife gets to fear the end game. That fear, that dread, is often worse than the thing itself. Time for her to contemplate what she's done.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Chaparral said:


> Are you saying they have both cheated on each other in the past? If so maybe this is just the arrival of the karma bus.


The way we read it, is that her GF and her AP have both cheated in the past, the BH has not.

Correct us, if we are wrong.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Casual Observer said:


> I don't get this anonymous stuff. If it's something the cheated-on husband should know, then it's something she (OP) should first let her "friend" know that she's got one chance to come clean to her husband, otherwise she's (the OP) telling the cheated-on husband herself. Inevitably her (the cheater's) world will blow up, but I think it fair to let her (the cheater) face the manner in which it blows up herself.
> 
> If nothing else, there should be some time in which the cheating wife gets to fear the end game. That fear, that dread, is often worse than the thing itself. Time for her to contemplate what she's done.


That method can work, but there are other reasons why it’s sometimes appropriate (I believe) to do it anonymously. For example, in the workplace where it could affect your career. In a family situation where it would turn your family against you - especially if you’re an in-law - I’ve seen that many times where the person that tells the truth gets rejected for it.

Or if you’re a friend, you could get rejected by the group of friends for blowing up someone’s marriage.

I’m not saying it’s always right, I’m just saying sometimes it’s appropriate. The important thing is that the person being cheated on finds out the truth, and whatever way makes that work works for me.


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