# In-Laws and Separation



## mswren7 (May 8, 2011)

Has anyone experienced interferring in-laws when it came to separate from their spouse?

I fully expect that my in-laws will support their son if I decide to leave him, but I worry about how far they could get involved in so much as making sure I dont get my share of things or even trying to prevent me from getting any sort of custody of my children.

They, having lived through infidelity themselves, I think, would expect that I should turn a blind eye to my husband's multiple cheating and 5 years of leading a secret double life just in order to keep the family together. 

My father-in-law once asked me if I was going to break up the marriage because of an argument (this was pre d-day) when my husband was in the fog and was insulting my parenting abilities by comparing me to his sisters. Not that anyone knew at that time that he was having an affair. (Although I suspect his mother did because she was aware of the signs, but said nothing and just let me find out for myself). 

I really feel like I want them out of my life but I wonder why I am so concerned about what they would think, or should I even be worried about what they could do?

Maybe I dont even know what I am getting myself in for if I decide to leave with no job and 2 young children.


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## broken1 (May 10, 2011)

hmmm... Is your husband sorry? Does he seem to care that you're leaving? If he has no conviction over holding a 5 year long affair, then who cares what your in-laws think. I'll bet they will be the ONLY people in the world that would say you're out of line.

Child custody, at least where I'm at, is directly related to time spent with the children. If you don't have a job, then I'm guessing the kids are with you most of the time? so that shouldn't be an issue. What else really matters?

On the other hand, if you're husband is a truly changed and repentant man as a result of all this, then I would say get into some counseling and see if a new marriage can possibly be built in place of the lie you've been in.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I had this worry, ultimately it proved to be right.

They made it a point to show up anytime I went back to the old apartment to do anything, ignore any of my concerns about stbx's drug usage, and proceed to spread lies and hate about me.

They pushed for divorce when hubs and I were going to actually work on things, they made me unwelcomed in their home, and they fully supported him using me and stealing from me, and actually bragged about it.

I remember one of our last fights, it was after the stbx ripped me apart, threw a fit at me, called me the dirty C word, and then stormed off to the bar, proceeded to get into a fight and be hospitalized. Then call me the next day and lie about what happened. 

I remember saying "If he wants sympathy do not let him walk through my door" because exFIL had told me he started the fight. The conversation turned into how i was supposed to "help" him and tell all his friend what to and what not to do with him recreationally and how wrong I was for being angry and taking that stand point and everything else. I will never forget the look on his face when he brought stbx home either.

IT is still my "fault" he ended up in the hospital that night, to this day. Because I am such a horrid person.

Forget the In-laws. They will do what they want, and they will paint you as the enemy if they need. That is their choice, and once you leave they are not your concern any further. Ive had to delete them even from my facebook, because i was being watched and fights/drama were being started on my page and with stbx. Not my concern, not my problem anymore, and certainly not yours either. Let them do whatever makes them feel important.


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