# Anyone else sick of Infidelity all around?



## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

I feel like someone is, or has, or pushing boundaries with cheating or having an EA on a spouse or girlfriend??? Like it's topics on the radio, or on every sitcom or TV show, in the movies, conversation, etc. AND I feel it's just accepted or laughed about???? But that isn't REAL life how it feels.

Like I just want to get away from this but it's impossible because it's being portrayed on the screen or I hear a rumor about someone. 

Make's it hard to not trigger? I don't want to cut myself off from the world, but I don't want to be constantly battling with myself to move forward. :scratchhead:


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I have to agree with you. 

5 years ago is when H and I had our issue with infidelity. It was hard to watch some tv shows and what not b/c it was portrayed in some....but not all. That was 5 years ago. Now it seems that it is way more rampent than what it was even then. There are now websites devoted to spouses cheating and it just seems to be ALL OVER THE PLACE.

Is this what happens in 5years time when people & society just start to "accept" or "go with the flow"?? I do feel that attitudes about cheating are more forgiving/accepting of the behavior than any other time I can remember.

Either that or I am just getting old and crotchety before my time...or maybe I just put more value in marriage than most b/c of the infedelity I dealt with, Idon't know...


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

My BIG trigger has become dates. Like anything that has a datestamp within the time period in which he was in his EA. Especially after July when I know it took a real turn. I think "thats when my H was cheating on me". So yes when people make light of it or make threads asking 'whats the big deal about an EA' its basically saying that its ok to do. Slap him on the wrist,stop your whining and move on. In real life, its not that easy. Its miserable. Its gut-wrenching. And its long term. So I think it is a constant battle for a long time. Thats where you gotta decide if he's worth the battle. I think your H is.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Its the subliminal messages in the recent "Twilight" series of movies and books.. 

thats my story and Im sticking to it..


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I don't think that people are 'accepting' or going with the flow. I just believe that namy people, like myself, see stuff like that on TV etc and think, 'It won't happen to me.'
Until it does!
As for those who doubt the seriousness of an EA - I'm on the receiving end of a WW's PA, and I can assure anyone, kicking out the PA and exchanging it for an EA would be little to no better. It's the deception that slices through your head. The physical acts do eventually slide away in their own fashion over time, but the lies, the deceit - that sticks.
I don't think people will think this behaviour is acceptable if they have to physically be there and deal with it. Those who claim it to be no big thing are either cheaters themselves and think they're invunerable or believe that it won't happen to them (of which I was once one).
It'd be interesting to see how previous cheaters respond to being on the receiving end of infidelity. Is it acceptable?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Infidelity sells. There is a reason television soap operas go on for decades. People eat that stuff up.

I have gotten so jaded that everywhere I go when I see couples walking in the store or out on the town I actually think "Is that guy cheating on his wife?" or "Is that her husband with her at that table holding her hands and kissing her?"

That's how freakin' leftways I've gone.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Yep, bandit. Me too.
I also see a woman and think, 'Would she cheat?' or see a bloke and think, 'He looks like a player.'

Prejudice at its best


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

me too....I hate that through all of this I have lost my trust in people and love for movies! I look at someone too and think is she talking on her cell phone to her H or "friend" and that kinda sux.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

ive said this before on another thread but I cant tell you how many tv shows we have turned off in the last few months b/c of the subject matter. I sit down to be entertained and take my mind off my agony and BAM! like a crow bar up side the head, there it is! Some da*n body cheating on their H or W. Gotta change the channel. I hope not to be this sensitive forever.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Infidelity has been around since the beginning of time. It is here to stay too, unfortunately. There will always be betrayals happening in the world.

Sorry to hear you are triggering. If you hear or see something, remove yourself from the conversatin/movie/radio station.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

....right there with you bandit. Stinks to have lost faith in people as a whole


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm want to start a thread on movies and T.V. shows that BSs should avoid at all costs or at least be cautious about when watching. What do you guys think?


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I think one would have died of old age by the time they got anywhere near halfway through.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

I can handle the movies and the television shows. What really sucks now is how all this has affected my response to songs that I used to really love. Just a few examples:

'It's Sad to Belong to Someone Else When the Right One Comes Along' - England Dan and John Ford Coley

'Me and Mrs. Jones' - Billy Paul

'Kiss and Say Goodbye' - The Manhattans

'How Much I Feel' - Ambrosia

'Jessie's Girl' - Rick Springfield

I find it had to listen to these and other songs.

Likewise, I don't feel the same way about songs where the singer is begging for the love of someone else. Examples:

'Can't Live if Living is Without You' - Harry Nielsson

'Ain't Too Proud to Beg' - The Temptations


I miss the days when these were just songs that meant nothing to me personally.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Never really noticed it much or I just shrugged it off,now it seems like its everwhere,t.v.,radio,movies,books.
Where ever I look it gets shoved in my face but its been there all along,guess I just looked through it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Yes! Every TV show and movie has something in it... Even my favorite show The Middle that I look forward to each week to get a laugh in this hell had two different episodes that made me trigger.

What kills me is the radio. OMG! I never noticed before, but every song has something to do with love, cheating, breaking up. Adele is the worst! That new song is great, but I swear I could have written it. 

And stupid commercials... Anything having to do with engagements, weddings, even Mother's Day stuff where the husband tells her how great she is... They all make me mad. I'm so cynical about all that crap now. Don't believe in any of it. I want to warn every couple getting married to run!


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

calvin said:


> Never really noticed it much or I just shrugged it off,now it seems like its everwhere,t.v.,radio,movies,books.
> Where ever I look it gets shoved in my face but its been there all along,guess I just looked through it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I liken it to a sunburn. You know when your skin is normal and someone pats you on the back, no biggie. When you have a sunburn(emotional pain)and someone pats you on the back(trigger)its painful.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Count, Me and Mrs Jones! One of my all time favorite songs! Two months after DD I am in a car with my bud in San Antonio TX, on a get away from it all vacation. Song comes on the radio, and for the first time I understand what it is really about, I screamed, and immediately changed the station...I am going to miss that song! Ugh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Yes! Every TV show and movie has something in it... Even my favorite show The Middle that I look forward to each week to get a laugh in this hell had two different episodes that made me trigger.
> 
> What kills me is the radio. OMG! I never noticed before, but every song has something to do with love, cheating, breaking up. Adele is the worst! That new song is great, but I swear I could have written it.
> 
> And stupid commercials... Anything having to do with engagements, weddings, even Mother's Day stuff where the husband tells her how great she is... They all make me mad. I'm so cynical about all that crap now. Don't believe in any of it. I want to warn every couple getting married to run!


yes- Rolling in the Deep. Thats the one that gets me.

And the song Faithfully by Journey-shoot me


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Hoosier said:


> Count, Me and Mrs Jones! One of my all time favorite songs! Two months after DD I am in a car with my bud in San Antonio TX, on a get away from it all vacation. Song comes on the radio, and for the first time I understand what it is really about, I screamed, and immediately changed the station...I am going to miss that song! Ugh!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hoosier, I know the feeling. Elvis Costello's 'God Give Me Strength' tears me apart every time I hear it. (Use to love that song.)


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## Anubis (Jul 12, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Infidelity has been around since the beginning of time. It is here to stay too, unfortunately. There will always be betrayals happening in the world.


My perspective is that it is much more visible today thanks to our evolving communication methods, and that there is a segment of 'sleaze sells"/race to the bottom going on in the name of capturing eyeballs/making money/monetizing the story.

/csb time

If I ever have the time, I would love to write about a (deceased) relative of mine. About 30 years ago, I spent a couple years living with him after High School, and he opened my eyes to the world. I was the stereotypical clueless nerd in a day when that was a bad thing, and he was the suave older alpha-male with '60 movie-star good looks, and a globe-trotting exciting high $$ job. I was also his favorite (and very dorky) nephew whom he tried to help man up as best as he understood it, and he shared with me a lot of family and personal history. 

He was a very successful lifelong skirt-chaser... Once after seeing him score with a married woman he just met at the gym (I witnessed this multiple times) I asked him how many woman he had slept with. His response, complete serious, and totally believable: "I stopped counting at 300". (!) (He also revealed that this didn't make him long-term happy, it was more of an addiction from what I could see).

Anyway, to avoid making it long story - his personal experiences that he shared with me painted a picture where there was a consistent amount of cheating by married people through the 1950's, '60s and '70s, though more discreetness seemed to be employed in those eras, especially on the part of women. And that the infidelity was not evenly spread though the population at large.

/end csb time


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

I'm kinda just sick of people in general. They are an awfully selfish & evil lot. 

I think I need to look into a new perscription for the glasses I see the world with. 
These suck.


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## Ingalls (Mar 7, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I'm want to start a thread on movies and T.V. shows that BSs should avoid at all costs or at least be cautious about when watching. What do you guys think?


I LOVE comedy and one that at the time I bawled my eyes out at the theater, which I looked and felt stupid (while everyone around me was cracking up), was HALL PASS-WTF...I love Owen Wilson, Christina Applegate, Jason Sudeikis, etc. 

Add this one to the list Bandit.45


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> I'm kinda just sick of people in general. They are an awfully selfish & evil lot.
> 
> I think I need to look into a new perscription for the glasses I see the world with.
> These suck.


I have a pair of those reality glasses. I would change them, but I think I now prefer seeing the world as it REALLY is.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

I often wondered how the glorification of affairs and that kind of lifestyle on just about every media form there, truly affects people. Do they really buy into the insinuation that one is not really "living the good life" if they dont have a piece of asssss on the side? Further, the monogamous lifestyle and thoughtset is mocked and ridiculed by these very same "rating" hounds.

My ex had 2 other men contacting her in secret and carrying on with her long before I knew a thing was wrong.. if there ever was a point where things could be healed between us, I am sure it was completely outshined by the barrage of media lies that we see everywhere, as well as a couple dogs at the doorstep awaiting a sniff. Where were the movies about marriage being "worth it"? None to be found...

I imagine just about anything viewed on t.v. or heard on the radio would easily turn me into the antagonist at any point of confusion in my ex's considerations.. too easily supplied and readily available for those looking for an excuse to validate their actions. 


If


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Its not just the media though. Hell when my H told his own mother she pretty much said "so go to confession, go to church" and that was it. Seriously. No big deal. So what kind of message is that?


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Numb-badger said:


> I have a pair of those reality glasses. I would change them, but I think I now prefer seeing the world as it REALLY is.


I don't mind seeing it clearly, but a bit of rose tinting wouldn't hurt my quality of life. As it stands, the view sucks. lol.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I remember that John Carpenter film, They Live.
I think i have those glasses that expose all cheaters as f***ed up alien things from outer space.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Krichali said:


> I couldn't watch the McDonald's commercial at Christmas time where the husband was outside putting up the tree and the wife was smiling and setting the dining room table, then you see how they're having McD together and so happy smiling at each other...... waaaaahhh!!!!


Ya, seeing happy families, even fake ones on TV make me realize I will never have that same genuine happiness again. 

I know this might sound weird, but does anyone have trouble seeing older couples? I often look at them and I think of myself and WS as an older couple. I'll always be the wife whose husband cheated on her, even when I'm in the retirement home. 
Even holidays with families, especially his that have turned ugly on me. They know he cheated on me and I wasn't important to him. 

I can't seem to fit in anywhere. I had to go to a meeting for one of my kids yesterday. Everyone was talking and I just sat there silent. I feel removed from the world, like I have a big X on me for forever. I'm a different person now.


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

DEMORALIZATION of a nation, as a whole, we are on a path of self destruction.
No longer are we allowed to pray in the schools that were founded on christian beliefs.
We teach our children about birth control so they can have pre~martial sex.
Planned parenthood has been set up.
Movies, tv, radio, and rock~N~roll all glorify sex, drugs and cheating.
Even the pressident of our great country cheated and we laughed about it.
Divorce rate is the highest, it's so easy now people don't have to try, they just have to move on, quit.
The foundation has been laid for our children, the road is easy and accepted, when will this ever change unless we take action and stand up for what God has laid down as law? We have to be responcible for our children and change their future. And when the woman cheats, divorce happens, the woman is treated like a queen, she doesn't suffer, the kids know what she did, they saw her BF, and they see how the courts favor her.....in their minds, cheating is a cure all for your money problems.
Mouse


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

LoveMouse said:


> DEMORALIZATION of a nation, as a whole, we are on a path of self destruction.
> No longer are we allowed to pray in the schools that were founded on christian beliefs.
> We teach our children about birth control so they can have pre~martial sex.
> Planned parenthood has been set up.
> ...


I totally disagree with that. I got cheated on and I'm scared to death how I'm gonna survive with my two kids if I divorce. I have fooled around with figures and it doesn't look too good. I was a fool, I stayed home to raise my kids. Lesson learned, but too late. Now I can't find a good job cause I have a huge gap in my resume. If anything, I'm currently staying so this won't screw my kids' lives up. I mean, he did a good job destroying my life for one selfish act, but I'm struggling so he won't destroy their lives as well.


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## Hank567 (Apr 23, 2012)

Completely sick of it. I'm a few years out from my divorce, so what gets me more these days is all the affair cheerleaders encouraging people to "do what makes you happy"


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

Hank567 said:


> Completely sick of it. I'm a few years out from my divorce, so what gets me more these days is all the affair cheerleaders encouraging people to "do what makes you happy"


Amen brother! It's started w/ the Dr and his "cure all" anti depressants, then the F'd up support groups for depression..there wasn't a true leader, they were all messed up themselves w/ cheating, credit card debt, lies, bad eating habbits, and being abusive to anyone who'd stand for it all to make themselves feel better. What happened to grin and bear it?
Mouse


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

LoveMouse said:


> DEMORALIZATION of a nation, as a whole, we are on a path of self destruction.
> No longer are we allowed to pray in the schools that were founded on christian beliefs.
> We teach our children about birth control so they can have pre~martial sex.
> Planned parenthood has been set up.
> ...



Mom ????!!!



lol.


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Mom ????!!!
> 
> 
> 
> lol.


No Luke, I AM UR FATHER.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

This thread is sad, profound and funny all mixed together. 

Thank you all for giving me something to smile about today. 

As a BS I too am disgusted by the societal glorification of cheaters. It's so sad to me. 

It's also good to find this site and find that there are so many Betrayed husbands who are sad and who were faithful. 

The fist thing my cheating spouse said to me was she meant nothing, get over it. 

Then he said other men cheat and their wives forgive them.

Then he insisted that all men cheat. Arrrgghhhh!

It does seem that so many people are unhappy with life and they blame their spouses. The real problem is that they are the type of people who are never happy. 

I was happy. I was content just looking at the sun setting behind a mountain ridge. Eating pizza at home. Taking the dogs for long walks. My husband said I was boring for liking those things and not wanting more. Things were not perfect, but who is perfect, what marriage is perfect? I just accepted my husband warts and all.....until he cheated.

I took my wedding vows seriously. He did not. 

The societal unhappiness thing bothers me, too. Happiness comes from within, not a spouse or a job or a new car or house. 

Sometimes I look at everyone who is so unhappy about silly things and I wonder if maybe I am the abnormal one. You know a happy idiot.

Sometimes I think everyone but me drank from the polluted crazy well, and maybe I best go down and drink from it too so I can feel normal.


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## Hank567 (Apr 23, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> Things were not perfect, but who is perfect, what marriage is perfect? I just accepted my husband warts and all


The world needs more people like that. Don't go drink from the dark well.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I made the mistake of watching a German movie called _*Antares*_ on Netflix a couple nights ago. 

My god... worst movie abut adultery I have ever seen. I only got through 20 minutes of it before I had to shut it off.

And of course it won a ton of awards....

DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I made the mistake of watching a German movie called _*Antares*_ on Netflix a couple nights ago.
> 
> My god... worst movie abut adultery I have ever seen. I only got through 20 minutes of it before I had to shut it off.
> 
> ...


So when are you gonna start the "do not watch these movies" thread and save us all from the misery???


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'll do it this weekend.


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## MOMMY2ONE (Mar 6, 2012)

Thank you for all the differant things that you speak about , i'm fairly new to this site and posted a few times but mostly jus read and i'm glad i stumbled onto this site it has made this madness i'm goin thru with my stbxh less life consuming . I have learned alot and have made life changing decisions for my son and i . I can't stop reading posts on this site which keeps me sane.. Thanks again
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

I'm pleased that you're finding some kind of therapy and solice from here.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Hank567 said:


> The world needs more people like that. Don't go drink from the dark well.


Hi Hank:

I won't drink from the dark well.

I was just sad because when I thought my husband and I were recovering from his affair and I really believed he was trying, I received another anonymous email with a photograph of him at a strip club with a lap dancer on his lap. 

He said that that all men get lap dances. It's part of being a man. Is that true? 

To my mined he was obviously trying to destroy any recovery we were having. 

I am so sad and confused. 

He still wants to try to work things out. I can't understand why. He is obviously not satisfied with just me.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

All men get lap dances?
Where the hell have I been?!?

I do believe that lap dances can be bought for fun - a friends brother paid for one for his birthday, just for laughs really, but I don't think I'd pay for one for myself.


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

I am beginning to wonder if there truly is consequences for a WS because it seems the consequences only fall on us BS, because the consequences we lay out for a WS is either end the A or divorce, and that hurts us BS more than it does the WS, because if they wanted to be with us then they wouldn't have ever betrayed, right? So we actually get the sh*t end of deal either way we go and get hurt either way we go..so what are they actually consequenting besides seeing us miserable?


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

The consequences for the WS can be longer term, usually after the fog has lifted and if they've been exposed.
That can be an 'Oh f***' moment for them.
But the initial grief, anguish, pain, personal destruction does fall on us, as we have the carpet pulled from our feet and have to try and make rational decisions at our most emotional time. Not a good combo.
When it starts to clear for us though, we can usually see with a little more clarity and wisdom.


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

BeenThereAndSuffering said:


> I am beginning to wonder if there truly is consequences for a WS because it seems the consequences only fall on us BS, because the consequences we lay out for a WS is either end the A or divorce, and that hurts us BS more than it does the WS, because if they wanted to be with us then they wouldn't have ever betrayed, right? So we actually get the sh*t end of deal either way we go and get hurt either way we go..so what are they actually consequenting besides seeing us miserable?


As I read this I think, "ur right, we get stuck. but we also gain our freedom, we'll never have to worry about that person again hurting us." And I look to my right, on the computer screen and it says "HOW TO FIX UR MARRIAGE~THERE ARE 7 SECRETS." But RULE #1 is you have to have a willing partner, a good partner, a FAITHFUL partner.
Mouse


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## BeenThereAndSuffering (Mar 12, 2012)

LoveMouse;720228" But RULE #1 is you have to have a willing partner said:


> Isn't this how our WS start out? Isn't that why we married them? What I am saying is even when they come out of the fog and have "UH-OH" moment, they really don't have consequences, because either they have their freedom and can go fool around without any guilt now or they have us beside them fighting for our marriage, either way I feel it is a win-win situation for them and a lose-lose situation for us, because if we do leave them because of an A, we are broken people with trust issues and if we stay we are the same way. There has to be something that has greater repercussions than staying or leaving, even exposing doesn't do much except force their hand to make the decision to leave or stay....I dunno...


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

Their consequences last them the rest of their lives. The MIL is a 3rd generation cheater, it's just the way the family is, she has lived in the shadows of everyone else for over 20yrs....her son still hates her to this day. How do you think she feels about that? In church she sits there, knowing everybody else knows she's unfaithful, unstable, not trustworthy...how do you think she feels about that? Now her own daughter followed in her footsteps, ruined a beautiful family, crushed the children, exposed the entire line of cheaters....and has left behind one unknown future for her granddaughters.....how do you think she feels about that? She has disappointed so many people in her family, she has hurt the ones she swore to love....and she gets to look them in the eye every single day of her life...nice life, daddy is gone b/c gram was a whoxe, dad is gone b/c mom is a whoxe....yea, I don't think they have it made so good, I have a feeling they live w/ enough guilt to justify their cheating, lets face it, who would want to face that kind of future? Would you like to look ur child in the face knowing you were the reason mom and dad couldn't stay together? For 20yrs I saw the damage the MIL did, I saw her pain, never did I feel sorry for her, she was part of my X cheating, she knew what was going on, and yet she helped her....cheaters don't know what love is, they only know pain, they live w/ pain daily~leave them to their missery, be happy, be urself, find someone to be happy w/.
Mouse


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## Hank567 (Apr 23, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> He said that that all men get lap dances. It's part of being a man. Is that true?


I can only speak for myself, but for me that's 100% not true. I'd be thinking "I'm paying this person to act sexy around me" the whole time. Big turnoff. I prefer situations that are real.

Now, if it was my significant other giving me a lap dance, I'm all for that! :smthumbup:


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## Trying to heal (Jan 25, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> It does seem that so many people are unhappy with life and they blame their spouses. The real problem is that they are the type of people who are never happy.




Bingo.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Hank and trying to heal:

I resonate with both of you. :iagree:


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