# Bad mental health



## CrazyCat (Feb 27, 2019)

Hi everyone. I'm 32 and never even been engaged let alone married. I'm here for help because for 8 years now I have been reading this forum, daily. I've grown to respect a lot of the regulars here, the wisdom and different points of view are incredible. A therapist told me about 5 years ago that he thinks I read this forum to see how 'normal people interact'. I really need some help and I have nowhere else to turn. I will not type anything further until I know if I'm allowed to post here or not. It is about mental health, which is in turn now affecting 'my relationships'.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Come on in the water is fine, welcome


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## CrazyCat (Feb 27, 2019)

Thanks Tilted

My story sounds a bit far fetched, simply because people aren't usually this stupid. I have 2 boys, 7 and 10. My 10 year olds father is 56 and the 7 year olds father is 65. I've had severe mental health issues my whole life. Up until age 7 I lived with my parents, they fought, cheated on each other and my dad who is an alcoholic used to beat up my mum. When I was 7 my mum ran off with a tattooed bloke. I was raped and beaten for the following 2 years, and me n my 2 sisters were stopped from seeing my dad and grandparents on my dad's side. After the bloke was jailed we commenced seeing my dad, mum had moved a 6 hour drive away from him by then. No one bothered getting us long term therapy, just a couple appointments each. Mum got a new boyfriend, a married bloke that didn't even know our names still after 4 years of seeing her. At 13 years old I was suicidal, my mum then kicked me out of the house for wagging school constantly. I went to live with my dad. He was still drinking heavily and I was left up to my own devices. I was slashing my wrists and covering my mirrors in blood, still no help. At 17 years old I had already left school at 14 and went to work at a pub illegally (my grandparents owned it), then when my dad threatened to kick my cat one night I finally left for good. Fast forward to getting pregnant at age 21 to an old bloke, being diagnosed with Borderline (hey @Uptown), turning to alcohol to cope at age 18 but it got serious by age 22 once having my firstborn, having another son at age 25 to another real old bloke, I feel done. I live with my 2 kids, no help or child support from their fathers, no help from my family just bad memories constantly, not one friend to talk to, and I haven't had sex in 4 years now because I'm too scared and I don't get time alone anyway. I can't keep up with both kids, 2 cats, a pool, huge yards, and just lost my job also. No one to talk to and I hate my family so bad, so many bad memories, but I can't get rid of them either. I'm sure this sounds scattered, that's how I feel. Whenever I get too worked up I think about suicide to calm me back down. I know how mental that sounds, believe me.


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## CrazyCat (Feb 27, 2019)

All I really want to know is, has anyone else made such bad life choices here that will affect them for the rest of their lives, and still had a decent life?? All this is catching up to me. It's not like I made a bad choice or 2, I've made literally 20 odd years of them. And I know you have to pay for bad choices but this is getting too much. We have no money. I can't find a job. I have never had a friend because I can't stand people and when I try to get along with them for my kids sake, they all seem to hate me anyway. I have mental health issues and drinking issues. My family aren't worth knowing, not one of them. My kids father's are losers (one lives in a cement storeroom surrounded by boxes of food and hasn't worked for 11 years, but hey, he likes John Lennon so best hop on top of him and breed hey!!)


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I'm not a Dr, but some of the issues in you life sure sounds like C-PTSD. And the trauma your experience in your childhood. Not knowing your complete everything do some checking on this type of injury. 

That maybe a new direction you can explore. The father substitutes you are in search of.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I have faced some life altering times and, never believing it can get better, hope is a good start.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

It's not where you've been, but where you're going that matters most.

You've had a hard life, but you're going in the right direction.

And your not alone. Lots of people make more bad decisions than you might think.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Your brain yet lives, your sense of humor has not gone away, alas, has gone dry.
All good.

I assume you live in Blokeville, maybe in the Uke, the U.K.

Are there not programs available to let you finish your secondary school and GCSE's.

And then programs getting you get off the dole and into some trade or occupation.
Yes, that would require someone to watch your young ones.

You owe the world squat. You owe your children the best life that you can Mustard..and so as to Ketchup to a good spot!!

You read well, comprehend your present situation, this dire place. 

That is a good start. 

Let the State help you.

At least find out your options.

Don't lose the plot..

There, Bob's your uncle.

Good Luck, keep persevering! :smile2:



King Brian-


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I think that you have to piece back your life together starting with one thing at a time. 

I have a hard time making friends because I don’t like anyone either. But the problem is, we need people, and people need us. 

You have kids, so that automatically means you need to not live a selfish life and do things you don’t want to do for your children. They are dependents. They depend on you. Everybody, especially kids need stability.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I think it's really easy to get frustrated with the world because the world sins us such mixed messages. I struggle with this sometimes to. We get told that tomorrow is a new day and that it's not the rear view mirror that counts and that we can always make things better. On the other hand, you say you have read this forum daily, so you know that practically speaking certain choices get you pigeonholed for the rest of your life. The same people that tell us to look to war to morrow have put the people who have made badd choices in the past into boxes they cannot get out of period so which voice am I supposed to believe? The voice that tells me I can become a new person or the louder voices that make it clear that my past has ruined me?

I have come to understand that all that stuff really doesn't say as much about me as it does about the voices around me. I have done some really messed up things. I will never share them because I don't have the self control or the emotional fortitude to deal with any fall out, but let's just say that I have done some pretty messed up things. However, my life is not ruined. Actually to day my real life is pretty darn fabulous. I mean there are struggles and everything but there are people who know all of me and still love me. There are people I can count on. There are people who do not give up on me. There are people I love and love giving myself to and investing in period.

I would suggest what someone else said, that you may have a lot of P TSD from all that you went through as a young person. I am not sure how things work in your country, but hopefully there is some kind of free or very low cost mental health assistance. S4S people go, yes, a lot of them really suck. But there are good people out there who will stick with you passed the hard stuff. I have found a few people in my life that will stick with me past all the hard stuff instead of bailing out. Keep your eyes open for those kind of people, and try to give them a shot even when they are not perfect either. Because the people who will stick with you when you are difficult sometimes tend to be difficult themselves. I know I can be.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

It's not at all unusual to think of drastic measures to try and escape your life when you're under a lot of stress. Is there anything you can do from a practical sense to simplify your life? You mention a huge yard and pool. Those things take a lot of time and energy to maintain. Could you move to an apartment instead? Maybe that would give you more time for yourself. I know it's easy to say, but don't overworry about the job right now.

I'm sorry to hear about your past. Hopefully you can keep going to your therapist through all this. Learning good coping mechanisms will really help deal with these feelings even if they never totally go away. And we'll help as much as we can.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

CrazyCat said:


> A therapist told me about 5 years ago that he thinks I read this forum to see how 'normal people interact'.


You think we're .... normal?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

CrazyCat said:


> Hi everyone. I'm 32 and never even been engaged let alone married. I'm here for help because for 8 years now I have been reading this forum, daily. I've grown to respect a lot of the regulars here, the wisdom and different points of view are incredible. A therapist told me about 5 years ago that he thinks I read this forum to see how 'normal people interact'. I really need some help and I have nowhere else to turn. I will not type anything further until I know if I'm allowed to post here or not. It is about mental health, which is in turn now affecting 'my relationships'.


Welcome, @CrazyCat.

I am not sure where you are. You aren't in the USA, they don't have blokes, so I think your'e in the UK, Australia or New Zealand, at a guess. 

Your life has been messed up by other people. I think you need counselling, at a bare minimum.

Hopefully one of these links will be of help to you:-


https://www.mind.org.uk/information...selling/how-to-find-a-therapist/#.XVFlkehKiUk

https://www.healthdirect.gov.au/low-cost-or-free-mental-health-services

https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/find-a-gp-or-counsellor/


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Starting today you can begin making good decisions. Take it one day at a time. 

You have already been making some good decisions. For one, abstaining from sex is a start. That one thing can save you from a lot of heartache and pain. I don't think sex is bad and highly recommend it under the right circumstances, but you know well enough to see that you are not in the right circumstances to do so. 

Another good decision you are making is to reach out for help. 

You are capable of making good decisions. 

Keep posting. You'll get a lot of help and support here. 

Sent from my SM-G965U using Tapatalk


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@CrazyCat, if you can, try to get state assistance since you lost your job. You SHOULD be able to do that, esp. since you have dependent minors.

For now, try to get a plan together:
1.Finances -- get on any/all assistance you can (I don't know what they provide where you live) -- unemployment, food stamps, child care assistance, etc.. Can you find another job with your skill set? Does the gov't provide training assistance to help you find a better job? CAN you go after the fathers for child support?
2.Mental health: PLEASE make sure that you continue to do mental health appointments (others have already pointed to a few). You need to be strong for your kids, even though YOU were screwed over as a child. It does sound like you have PTSD -- you should have your mental health care folks look into EMDR therapy -- it can greatly help with that.
3. TALK HERE and vent as OFTEN as you like -- there are tons of good folks here who can help.
4. You mention your family -- that you hate them, but you can't get rid of them -- why is that? Financial, child care, etc.? If nothing like that, WHY can't you get rid of them -- i.e., just stop dealing with them?
5. Drinking -- PLEASE try to get some help here -- see a Dr., go to AA, do something to help yourself with this. 

You say you made bad decisions in the past (from what you've described MANY of them were forced on you). The past is the past -- all you can try to do is start making better, thought-out, decisions and try to follow a plan for yourself. We ALL make bad decisions throughout life. You have survived them, and a lot of people can't even say that.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

> Fast forward to being diagnosed with Borderline (hey @*Uptown*)


Hey, CrazyCat. Welcome to the TAM forum! I'm glad you decided to stop lurking and start participating by sharing your life experiences. Given that you cannot afford a therapy program at the moment, I would recommend you acquire a DBT Workbook (available at Amazon and bookstores) so as to practice some of the coping skills you never had a chance to learn in childhood. A good book that seems to be popular among pwBPD is *Borderline Personality Disorder Demystified*. Given what you've written here, it appears that you have a remarkable level of self awareness -- which bodes very well for your success in acquiring coping skills if you ever have an opportunity to actually work on doing so. I wish you the very best!


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