# found out i was cheated on



## ka1972 (Jul 11, 2012)

Not even sure where to start. I'm going through a divorce and hadn't expected to start another relationship but it just happened with a friend of ours. I was lonely and he was keeping me company after the split up.

Long story short we weren't I guess officially "dating" or whatever but he had specifically said he didn't want me going out with other men or having sex with them. He only wanted me to with him. Well I found out Sunday that he has a girlfriend. This isn't someone he had before we "hooked" up but rather someone that just became his girlfriend in the last week.

I've been hurt by many things my soon to be ex has done to me, but nothing even compares to the complete evisceration I feel about this betrayal. The worst part is the loss of a 15 yr friendship and my main support system. I just can't stand being lied to. I can't forgive it. I would have been hurt if he told me he met someone but I feel like he should have been honest and told me he found someone and we could have perhaps kept our friendship intact too.

The worst part is he lives next door to me so I have to see him everyday.


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## MoreOfaMan (Jul 25, 2012)

You need to change your taste in men...
This was a rebound and its over now, don't let it affect you, lost a friend but so what, he clearly wasn't a good one. You where easy pickings for the type of man you are drawn to.

At least you know you can pull a bloke when you can, don't get too close to anyone for a while, and get your flirt on!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

MoreOfaMan said:


> You need to change your taste in men...
> This was a rebound and its over now, don't let it affect you, lost a friend but so what, he clearly wasn't a good one. You where easy pickings for the type of man you are drawn to.
> 
> At least you know you can pull a bloke when you can, don't get too close to anyone for a while, and get your flirt on!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This....plus for me anyway I have a no work amd 5+ miles from.gome policy.









_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ka1972 (Jul 11, 2012)

Yeah I know it was a re-bound thing but it's not like it was with some random guy. That I could get over more quickly. This was one of our closest friends and that he would do this to me really sucks. I've never been hurt like this before. It's really shaken what little faith I had left in men. Because the only reason I can imagine he wouldn't be honest is he still wanted to continue on with me as well as her. I feel badly for her too.

I've always had low self esteem and after my ex pretty much no self esteem. This was really a low blow from someone I cared very much about. And when I confronted him he cried and said he still loved me too.


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## MoreOfaMan (Jul 25, 2012)

You have felt this bad before...you're going through a divorce that left you with low self esteem.
This friend has known you for so long, and wanted you. End the memory there, why would you have low self esteem? You've clearly got no problem finding someone outside your stbxh bet you felt like you wouldn't at the time!

It's not you, he wanted sex from a low self esteem fresh divorcée. Not to sound like a jerk, but that's the easiest, and spectacularly good type there is. He was using you, it got serious and he flaked. 
It is nothing to do with you, other than the fact he wanted you in the first place. Could be a supermodel and it would of happened. Don't let your self esteem take a hit from this.

If it feels bad because you where 'played' its because you are too nice, and he's not.
I bet his qualities where nothing like your stbxh but at the core they will be nearly identical, that's why he was a friend in the first place. 

There will be more, but nice ones, and you need to stop being so trusting and falling 'in love' its ok it happened because of your low self esteem, not because of you. Treat yourself to a spa thing, new outfit, shoes, call a girlfriend and have a night out! 

Play your cards a little closer to your chest with the next one, expect more from men.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I know it's a knock to your confidence, but right now you are merely dating and getting reacquainted with meeting new men. The good news is that you found out early.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So he has a girlfriend and yo uare still married.

Get a divorce from your husband and get this guy out of your life.

Don't date til you are emotionally ready to again. I think it'd be wise to take time of "dating" altogether til, you know, when you are single again.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

Well, unfortunately, we reap what we sow.

The only thing wrong with you is that you are allowing your lesser self, the one that thinks you are worthless, to control your actions.

If you think you are going to find a man to fulfill you and make you happy you might as well wait for the moon to turn to cheese. True fulfillment and happiness comes from within. If you do not respect and value yourself, no one will.

There is also the small matter that you haven't received your divorce yet and are still in the process of dealing with your failed marriage. Do you feel like your husband just set you aside with no regard? Aren't you doing the same thing when you try and rugsweep what you have gone through and try and hook up in a committment relationship without honoring your losses and struggles?

This is a very good learning opportunity. Stay away from men until, like Jellybeans said, you are emotionally ready. I would say no less than an year.

Be thankful the "friend" is a pig. It saved you a lot of time that would have been wasted in another horrible relationship.

You want to be loved? I do. You know how we get that? We love ourselves first. If we find a worthy man...good for us. If we don't...it is still good for us because we have developed a love that will never fade away. Self Love.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You didn't have an exclusive relationship. You were friends with benefits and he wanted you to not see anyone. You didn't question that it ask what it meant. 
Most men will fool around with a friend's ex because it's taboo but they won't publicly date them because it's against guy code. 
I know it hurts, because your heart is already raw and bleeding. 
I had a sort of similar experience and it hurt like hell. 
Don't be naive. I know you were married but in single world sex doesn't mean a commitment. I don't think he saw you as his gf, so he didn't think it was cheating. Still a man who would use a friend who is vulnerable like that isn't a very good person. 

Focus on you and your healing. Most experts suggest waiting a year before dating. If you can't separate sex from love don't have sex either. 
The divorce process is so difficult and you need support but that should be from a counselor, a support group, family and female friends and us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

He was with you to get what he wanted. It's very easy for a shark smell the blood.

Sorry friend.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I'm sorry about this. I think you crossed the line of friendship because you were vulnerable. You thought you had an "exclusive" relationship, but you really didn't. I know you are hurting now but in time, you will see that you made a mistake sleeping with your friend.

You may be able to resume the friendship in the future having learned a valuable lesson from this situation.


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## mrstj4sho88 (Sep 5, 2012)

You need to get the divorce and move on. He just wanted some sex . He was never your friend . A real friend would never have taking advantage of you.


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## ka1972 (Jul 11, 2012)

Thanks for everyone's words. Everything you have said is true, but right now the hurt is still fresh (happened less than a week ago) and I have to see him almost every day which I don't ever have to see my soon to be ex at all. 

I'm seeing a great counselor and yesterday I saw my doctor and had to break down and go back on some medicine I took 2 years ago when I went through another bout of depression. 

This one incident by itself I don't think would have put me back into depression but this on top of everything else and I'm crying all day long and unable to even function on any level. 

My doctor had awesome advice to focus on doing for myself. I never got to do that in my marriage. I've been on a path of self-destruction for about a week now and it's time to stop and get my life in order. I don't like feeling like this. 

And you're right the guy wasn't a very good friend to hurt me like this.


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