# My husband's sex drive is much lower than mine



## Trippy (Dec 19, 2015)

My husband and I met in the summer of 2013, and were recently married, in the spring of 2015. From what I remember, we had a "normal" frequency of sex. In mid 2014, the frequency started decreasing drastically. We would only have sex once a month or so. I figured it was due to his very demanding work schedule, so I never complained when he would turn down my sexual advances. It didn't make me feel good though to be constantly denied sex. I eventually talked to him about my frustration, and our sex life got much better. After we got married, the frequency of sex increased even more. Now though, under a year after being married, the frequency is again decreasing. Every time I make a sexual advance, he tells me he's not in the mood, or he has some other excuse, such as he's watching tv. I feel that I'm not desired. I don't understand how watching tv can be more appealing than making love to your good looking wife. I love sex. I would like to have sex daily, or at least 3-4 times a week. I don't pressure him to have sex more, or nah him about not having sex as much. I feel that if the drive for sex isn't there with him, getting on his case about it will only make him feel bad. Does anyone else have this issue with their husband or wife? If so, have you done anything about it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Trippy said:


> I eventually talked to him about my frustration, *and our sex life got much better*. After we got married, the frequency of sex increased even more.


What did you say and how did you say it? Whatever you said before worked. Figure out how you did it and do it again.

He may always have a lower drive than you, and he may always need a nudge if he slacks off. With a lower drive, it just won't be on his mind as much, but since talking to him worked before that means he can raise sex up in his priorities a bit and keep you happier. However, since that is probably not his natural libido range, he may need that periodic nudge.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sadly there are plenty of women with the same problem... LD husband. And about as many men with LD wives.

Has your husband had his testosterone levels checked?

How old are the two of you?


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Sometimes leading him into it throughout the day works. Flirting, sexting, telling him first thing in the morning, "I plan on fing the living chit out of you tonight," helps. Let that stew on his mind while he is at work all day.


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## Trippy (Dec 19, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> Sadly there are plenty of women with the same problem... LD husband. And about as many men with LD wives.
> 
> Has your husband had his testosterone levels checked?
> 
> How old are the two of you?



He has not had his levels checked. I'm 30 years old, and he is 33 years old.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Trippy said:


> .....From what I remember, we had a *"normal" frequency of sex*. In mid 2014, the frequency started decreasing drastically. *We would only have sex once a month or so.* I figured it was due to his very demanding work schedule, so I never complained when he would turn down my sexual advances. It didn't make me feel good though to be constantly denied sex. I eventually talked to him about my frustration, and our sex life got much better. After we got married, the frequency of sex increased even more. Now though, under a year after being married, the frequency is again decreasing*. Every time I make a sexual advance, he tells me he's not in the mood, or he has some other excuse, such as he's watching tv.** I feel that I'm not desired.* I don't understand how watching tv can be more appealing than making love to your good looking wife. *I love sex*. I would like to have sex daily, or at least 3-4 times a week. I don't pressure him to have sex more, or nah him about not having sex as much. I feel that if the drive for sex isn't there with him, getting on his case about it will only make him feel bad. *Does anyone else have this issue with their* husband or *wife?* If so, have you done anything about it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


First of all you are not unique. MW Davis has book for women called the Sex Starved Wife. You might want to get that book and her other book the Sex Starved Marriage and read them both.

I have been in a Sex Starved Marriage and was able to turn it around with the help of some books, my wife and a great Sex Therapist.

Another book that I would recommend for you is Chapman's the 5 languages of love. If you want to go over the deep end on self help books then I would add any of the books by the Gottmans or by David Schnarch. 

First of all there is no "normal" frequency of sex. As Schnarch would say every aspect of marriage is a negotiation between one partner with high demand and the other with low demand. One partner may want chocolate ice cream every night for dinner and the other can't stand chocolate ice cream. There is no right about of chocolate ice cream in a marriage, it is a compromise that must be negotiated so that both can live with the result. Sex is the same.

You want more sex. If you want more, then you need to understand what it is that your husband is really saying. Rather than labeling them as excuses, do you really understand what is going on in his head? That takes time and deep introspection and thought, but you need to do that to negotiate with him.

Sometimes I will get stressed out at work and need to unwind from the stress. I can do that a number of ways, exercise, TV watching, etc.. My wife sometime plays video games to unwind or does Facebook to all hours of the night. Sometimes unwinding needs to be done in the absence of anyone else. So maybe his TV watching isn't his not wanting to have sex with you, but his needed to decompress so he can go to the office the next day?

Maybe once you figure out what is going on, you and your H can do something to destress that brings you closer together, like going out before dinner and running, but not talking while you run, but after you get back maybe showering together and making dinner together once he has destressed.

Remember you can't change your husband. You can change yourself, you can inspire him to change, you can lead him to learn, and encourage positive changes he chooses, but ultimately he gets to choose if he changes or not. 

Good luck.


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