# Need opinions/Words of Advice/Thoughts?



## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I'm not new to this board, but have been only lurking for a few months. I need your thoughts and/or opinions as I obviously am not being clear-headed.

A little history; my H and I have been separated since end of July of 2011. He left saying that he didn't want to be married anymore. Things started to crumble at the end of 2009 beginning of 2011 when he started becoming more acquainted with the internet and all it has to "offer". I became suspicious of his goings on on and popular social site and yes, I snooped...alot. I found that he had been communicating with another woman many, many miles and a different continent away and became very jealous and obsessive about his speaking with this woman online. I told her once to stay away from my husband...they are still friends. It all came to a head in June of last year when I found some very explicit messages that he had sent to her through private message. We ended up having a blow up with him saying he wanted a divorce. End of July he moved out to live with a relative very close to where my kids and I live. So close that I see him drive by every night on his way home.

Our separation has surprisingly been very peaceful, even friendly. He comes over quite often (a few times a week), we have meals together, spent the holidays together just as we always have. We've split up our finances a couple of months ago and he's helping out more than I'm sure he's legally obligated to and all seems to be going well. 

Because all seems to be going so well I keep finding myself wondering if there's any hope at all. I know I haven't given a ton of information and because none of you are seeing any of this first hand it's hard to give an answer, but I just can't read this guy. It's almost like he's here more now both physically and emotionally than he was before the separation. I don't know if he's realizing that he's possibly made the wrong decision or if he's just using us as a place to go when he doesn't want to be around his family. I have found it impossible to do the NC thing because, frankly, I just don't want to not talk to him. Everyone that knows him and our situation say's the same thing "He's realizing he really doesn't want to be apart from his family, but is too stubborn to admit it".

I should say that in our state there is a 1 year separation period before a divorce is granted so we still have another 7 months to go. Part of me wants to ask him if there's any hope of reconciliation but the other half say's not to and to just ride out the next months and wait for him to make a move. 

WWYD?


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

justabovewater said:


> "He's realizing he really doesn't want to be apart from his family, but is too stubborn to admit it".


this MIGHT be it.

are you still providing the sex to him too?

sounds like he has everything and loving it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I would talk to him and hope he would share what he is thinking.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Nope, no sex and I won't even go there unless he's committed to trying to work it out.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

justabovewater said:


> Nope, no sex and I won't even go there unless he's committed to trying to work it out.


ok, good for you now just STICK TO IT.


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## Pathfinder (Jan 1, 2012)

Its really great that things have worked out peacefully so far but like you said there is a lot more to be said and I know it is hard to write it all down, I am sure you must be really hurt.

I would take 2 weeks or maybe longer and just cool things right down. Limit your contact and communications to virtually nothing. I know you said you don't want too but a man will not hunt what he need not chase. If you want to see if there is something then show him you have moved on. Right now it sounds like he is having his bread buttered both sides. He comes and goes as he pleases and when he feels like having a family they are readily available for him so why would he change that? He is the one gaining. I realize I don't have all the facts but I would close that door for him and move on and let him see you are not only ok without him in your life but that you are actually happy. Then see how he reacts, if he does nothing then great, move on because be it stubborn or be it that he doesn't care you can stop wondering and living in limbo and move on. It is not fair on you for him to treat you with such apathy. You are better than that, worth more than that so believe that and live that and start treating yourself with value. If he responds and starts chasing you then let him chase for a while and then sit him down and tell him if he wants you its IC and MC for you guys to sort out your issues and take it a day at a time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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