# How do you get them to settle?



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I just want to get off the divorce bus. I'm tired of fighting, and I would like to get on with living. Any thoughts on how to get an angry STBX to agree to come to the table and settle?

The primary problem she is having is custody. I have primary custody of our six kids, and she desperately wants it. Unfortunately, she is unfit to currently function as their mom. I am preparing to go through a 733; which is an appeal to the 730 she lost big time. 

I have been assured she will be unable to shake minor's counsel and the 730, but I'm just friggin tired. Any thoughts? For the record, I am generous with the visitation of our youngest two children, and the oldest four are free to see her how ever often they want. Sadly, they just choose not to.

LIL


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Remember, you cannot MAKE anyone do anything.

So if you want, tell her one last time you want to sit down and discuss this as two adults, so as not to have to involve the courts and paper work and more legal fees. 

Ultimately: If she won't meet you halfway or you can't come to an agreement, go to court and let a judge decide.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

What actual difference does it make to you whether she delays another 2 months or another 12 months? Isn't there a legal means by which you can force her to settle?

BTW - if you are still not dating because you are technically married - that is admirable at one level and ridiculous on another. And this isn't just about you and your "code" of behavior any more. Your kids would benefit from having a sane adult female role model in their lives. 

You still seem highly impacted by your W's ongoing dysfunctional behavior. Her behavior isn't likely to change only your response to it can be modified.



lastinline said:


> I just want to get off the divorce bus. I'm tired of fighting, and I would like to get on with living. Any thoughts on how to get an angry STBX to agree to come to the table and settle?
> 
> The primary problem she is having is custody. I have primary custody of our six kids, and she desperately wants it. Unfortunately, she is unfit to currently function as their mom. I am preparing to go through a 733; which is an appeal to the 730 she lost big time.
> 
> ...


----------



## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

MEM11363 said:


> What actual difference does it make to you whether she delays another 2 months or another 12 months? Isn't there a legal means by which you can force her to settle?
> 
> BTW - if you are still not dating because you are technically married - that is admirable at one level and ridiculous on another. And this isn't just about you and your "code" of behavior any more. Your kids would benefit from having a sane adult female role model in their lives.
> 
> You still seem highly impacted by your W's ongoing dysfunctional behavior. Her behavior isn't likely to change only your response to it can be modified.


Mem, there isn't a legal means to force her to settle. At least not in this nation. Why do I care? Well I care because it's friggin expensive to miss work several days a month for matters that are just continued. It's also frustrating because it locks my life in limbo. I would truly like to move on with my life but I cannot. I was just invited to a conference on the coast yesterday by a woman, that were I free I would have readily accepted. At least for the day.
I cannot personally date anyone because I am still married Mem. That's not a "code", but a fact. What good are beliefs if they do not dictate the way we act? 
My kids are still watching, and I am pretty much the last thing they believe in. Fidelity matters, and as you aptly pointed out my behavior is the only one I can effect. That being said, it isn't easy to turn down an obvious date with bennies. Character never is. That's why so few of us have it.
If I compromise, it will set me on the road to my ruination. My first relationship was not honoring to God in its beginning, and it has brought me a lot of pain. I try not to repeat my mistakes. 
LIL
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Is there a likely point at which the court will refuse to grant Ny more continuances?
If not, is there a dollar amount you cAn offer which will induce her to settle?
If not, you are simply going to have to be patient as ceding terms on visitation seems like a bad 
Outcome for your kids.






=MEM11363;305334]What actual difference does it make to you whether she delays another 2 months or another 12 months? Isn't there a legal means by which you can force her to settle?

BTW - if you are still not dating because you are technically married - that is admirable at one level and ridiculous on another. And this isn't just about you and your "code" of behavior any more. Your kids would benefit from having a sane adult female role model in their lives. 

You still seem highly impacted by your W's ongoing dysfunctional behavior. Her behavior isn't likely to change only your response to it can be modified.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

