# Is he cheating?



## Stacey25 (Sep 10, 2016)

Please tell me that I am not crazy. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. I am in my late 40s and he is in his early 50s. We have always gotten along well, rarely had arguments and sex was what I would call adequate until he was diagnosed with a chronic illness about 7 years ago. He was prescribed opioids which he still takes on a daily basis to manage the pain. That is when our sex life really went down hill. We have not been intimate in 5 years. He says he cant maintain an erection because of the medicine. I accepted this and we went on about our lives. in the midst of this we have had serious financial problems. We lost our house and have pretty much wiped out our savings. 

Several months ago my husband started working a lot. He works from his home office and started putting in 60+ hours every week, including weekends. He said things were looking up for us financially but he never made any more money. On many occasions (several times a week) I would walk into his office and he would literally jump and quickly click the mouse. Most recently, when he was not quick enough I caught glimpses of a live woman on the screen on 2-3 occasions. When I asked him about this he said he would masturbate once or twice a month and wanted something nice to look at so he would watch porn. I asked him what type of porn he looks at. He said mainly pictures and an occasional video. I dont have a problem with this, but why woudnt he come to me for sex? I know there is a lot out there, so we talked about what was appropriate/inappropriate online behavior. We both agreed that communication of any sort would be crossing the line. He says he has never nor would he ever communicate with women online other than for work.

Not long after that I picked up his phone to call someone. On his phone were several erotic photos of women. Not sure if they were the same woman...I coudnt see straight, i was shaking. In addition, he had several profiles of women saved to his phone. They were from a modeling website and if you had a membership you could communicate with them. Well lo and behold, my husband created a fake profile posing as a photographer to get a membership. His profile said he was looking to meet new colleagues. Yea right! He even posted photos of the place we honeymooned. He also had a live sex website on his phone. When I confronted him he said he had no idea how this got on his phone. He had never seen any of this. He swears he has done nothing wrong and has never communicated with any woman he does not know online other than for work. I decided to check his facebook page. On his page his relationship status is not listed, it says he is interested in women and there were several friend requests that he had sent to young women with sexy profile photos. I once again confronted him and said he never bothered to fill out the whole profile and as far as the friend requests, he said he never sent them. Says someone must have hacked his account.
Am I crazy or am i being played for a fool? I feel so hurt and betrayed. But most of all I feel that he has absolutely no respect for me. Facebook? Really? All his friends see this as well as mine. For all I know, whatever he is doing may have been going on for years. Someone please tell me is he cheating? Looking to cheat or just acting like an immature teenager.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sounds like he has a problem. He is for sure gaslighting you and making you feel crazy. If he's masturbating, he definitely has no problem getting and maintaining an erection, either.
I would assume he is addicted to porn, probably looking for opportunities to cheat at the very least. You have an obvious pattern of behavior here. Have you looked at his online search history? Is he clearing his search history? 
At this point, since he is so obviously lying to you, I think it would be wise to place a VAR under the seat of his car and find out how far he is going with his new addiction.
Don't think you're crazy. He's full of schist. Someone hacked his account? Uh huh, and he's spending all this time shacked up in his office watching nude women.... 
Just don't say anything else. Nothing. Don't confront until you have all the evidence. Liars like this will lie when you've got video showing them in front of their face that proves they're lying.
You need to find out how far his problem has taken him, and find out what you can deal with and what you can't, and act accordingly.

Biggest thing to me is that he is lying, hiding, and isn't wanting sex from YOU in spite of his apparent physical capability to do so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

Looks like a porn addiction... but will have sex with one of those women if he had/has the chance. 
His personality maybe *week* so he hasn't got the balls to do it yet. Really, its not HARD to pay for sex.

He is full of crap about not knowing whats on his phone.

I joined and paid 6 months for dating site 2 weeks after I threw my wife out after I busted her again. I chatted with a few ladies (got hits from gay men too... ugh, whats with guys send **** picks to everyone - WHY?! I know its worse for women). When my "wife" decided to go to therapy with me and work on OUR family... I stopped using the site, stopped dating other women or trying to.
Until I saw this post, I forgot I have another month or so left on my dating account. LOL!! 
I had removed it from my phone months ago... forgot about it.

Its no accident for him to have access to this.

BUT - he could still have ED issues... MEN can masturbate and have an ejaculation without an erection - or a weak erection, not hard enough to penetrate.
Sometimes, porn can be helpful to get the motor running. Maybe offer to help in such areas?

But overall - he's lying to you... and its something that should be worked on. If he wants to go and meet other women, then he should let you go find other men.... right?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Stacey25 said:


> Please tell me that I am not crazy. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. I am in my late 40s and he is in his early 50s. We have always gotten along well, rarely had arguments and sex was what I would call adequate until he was diagnosed with a chronic illness about 7 years ago. He was prescribed opioids which he still takes on a daily basis to manage the pain. That is when our sex life really went down hill. We have not been intimate in 5 years. He says he cant maintain an erection because of the medicine. I accepted this and we went on about our lives. in the midst of this we have had serious financial problems. We lost our house and have pretty much wiped out our savings.
> 
> Several months ago my husband started working a lot. He works from his home office and started putting in 60+ hours every week, including weekends. He said things were looking up for us financially but he never made any more money. On many occasions (several times a week) I would walk into his office and he would literally jump and quickly click the mouse. Most recently, when he was not quick enough I caught glimpses of a live woman on the screen on 2-3 occasions. When I asked him about this he said he would masturbate once or twice a month and wanted something nice to look at so he would watch porn. I asked him what type of porn he looks at. He said mainly pictures and an occasional video. I dont have a problem with this, but why woudnt he come to me for sex? I know there is a lot out there, so we talked about what was appropriate/inappropriate online behavior. We both agreed that communication of any sort would be crossing the line. He says he has never nor would he ever communicate with women online other than for work.
> 
> ...


played for a fool.

Where did all your money/home go? Medical bills? Or escorts?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Stacey25 said:


> Says someone must have hacked his account.


Honestly, is there an idiot cheater LEFT on this planet who *doesn't* try to use this lame, over-used excuse that a 'hacker' is to blame when their BS finds evidence of their sh*t behavior on their phones or computers? Like a *true* hacker could actually GIVE a rat's *ass *about some random married fool out in Podunk, Kansas and waste their valuable time and talents installing webcam sites and sex hookup sites on the fool's phone or computer? That's child's play to a hacker for God's sakes.

He's not NEARLY worthy enough of being hacked, so tell him to get over himself.

How kind of you to sacrifice sex like the good, loyal partner you are. For *YEARS* you've sacrificed sex - while this mouth breather seems to be having the sexual time of his life. How "selfless" of him to decide so many years ago that YOUR sex life would now officially be over because HE couldn't maintain an erection. I guess he was too damned SELFISH to consider alternatives?

Oh well. I guess it's HIS world and you only live in it. Got it.



> When I asked him about this he said he would masturbate once or twice a month and wanted something nice to look at so he would watch porn.


I thought he had no interest in sex because he can't keep an erection for more a minute or two? He's forced a life of celibacy on YOU so one would assume it's because he has no interest in sex. I guess what he *meant* is that he has no interest in sex with you and prefers to jerk off. 

And THIS is the assclown you've sacrificed intimacy and sex for, lost your house for, and wiped your savings out for.



> Sometimes, porn can be helpful to get the motor running. Maybe offer to help in such areas?


Are you kidding? The *last* thing the OP needs to do is 'help' this liar do a damned thing. He sexually QUIT on her 5 years ago and didn't even give her a CHOICE in the matter, and now shes supposed to do a strip tease for this jerk to help him spank the monkey? Pardon ME while I throw up in my mouth a little.

Every single word out of this guy's mouth is a lie. 

Literally.

Every. Single. Word.

I'd be at my lawyer's in the morning. I'd be SO done with this lying assho*le after *everything* you've sacrificed just so he can disrespect you to THIS level. And quite honestly, I'd make sure to throat-punch him right before giving him an all expense paid trip to the curb, courtesy of my right foot.


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## Stacey25 (Sep 10, 2016)

Thanks everyone. Hey I need some help. I looked at our verizon bill today and noticed that his phone had a a
a lot of data usage on the data share talk and text. mostly in the middle of the night. I called verizon and she really didnt know what this was. Anyone have any information about this? Could he be using an app that only shows up on our data plan...no #s are listed. just dates and KG. could he be texting, talking, sharing files etc.. I also noticed on the bill that since I confronted him about all this there is absolutely ZERO data used. Coincidence? Probably not. Any info is much appreciated.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Stacey25 said:


> Thanks everyone. Hey I need some help. I looked at our verizon bill today and noticed that his phone had a a
> a lot of data usage on the data share talk and text. mostly in the middle of the night. I called verizon and she really didnt know what this was. Anyone have any information about this? Could he be using an app that only shows up on our data plan...no #s are listed. just dates and KG. could he be texting, talking, sharing files etc.. I also noticed on the bill that since I confronted him about all this there is absolutely ZERO data used. Coincidence? Probably not. Any info is much appreciated.


Communicating with his "models?"


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

He is playing you for a fool!!!!

My ex had some charges coming out of our checking account, called the number and it was for a dating site I made them shut that sh!t down. I also found similar things on his computer.

This among a big host of other things is why he is an EX.


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## veganmermaid (Jun 17, 2016)

The facebook, totally hidden from you, with his relationship status hidden.....you have to ask yourself, what is the simplest explanation for that? He at least wants other women to think he's single. And why would he want that? 

My husband did the same thing. Turns out he was cheating with 3 other women.

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

You know, it doesn't even matter if he is cheating (although I'm sure he would if he got up the nerve).

Because whether or not he is, he is a worthless excuse for a "man".

If I were in your situation, I would get rid of him as soon as possible.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Yep, James Bond time or, in your case, Jane Bond time! Get the Voice Activated Recorder (in the car or office if you can manage it without being caught) like a previous poster said. Keep an eye on his social media and phone without informing him everytime you do. If you continue to alert him, he will become more careful about hiding his activities and it will become that much harder to catch him. Take the kiddie gloves off here. Make him understand you will simply not stand for this!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I'm with EM, he is cheating on you and pulling the usual **** all ****ters pull. Stop the gas lighting. Do not show you are suspicious of him, no more calling him out, go into dectective mode. Put a VAR in his car and office, a hidden camera if possible. You can download software to monitor his key strokes, (e.g. Big Brother), I am not sure if there are legal ramifications, but tbh, he has a nerve. Do what you can to find out and then expose him and dump his ass, you are far too good for him. How did you lose your money and home?


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

I'm sorry your husband is doing this to you. I have just gone through a spell with my husband where I found out he was lying to me. It's really hurt.. I know. He is lying to you and he's not going to stop lying to you. Respect yourself and kick him out. If he truly wants to be with you he'll do the work he needs to do to get back on your good side.. but omg saying he can't get an erection and not having sex with you for 5 years and then you find out he's masturbating to porn and lying to you. This man will cheat if given the opportunity. He is not just looking at porn, he is reaching out to woman and setting up an account lying about being a photographer to meet models. That's pretty bad in my books. Walk away now and save yourself the heartache and pain.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Please read my story through the link in my signature. My husband did something very similar, and it is NOT harmless and you must NOT let him get away with it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

This might be of help https://drugs-forum.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=281


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## Stacey25 (Sep 10, 2016)

A


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Stacey25 said:


> Please tell me that I am not crazy. My husband and I have been married for 15 years. I am in my late 40s and he is in his early 50s. We have always gotten along well, rarely had arguments and sex was what I would call adequate until he was diagnosed with a chronic illness about 7 years ago. He was prescribed opioids which he still takes on a daily basis to manage the pain. That is when our sex life really went down hill. We have not been intimate in 5 years. He says he cant maintain an erection because of the medicine. I accepted this and we went on about our lives. in the midst of this we have had serious financial problems. We lost our house and have pretty much wiped out our savings.
> 
> Several months ago my husband started working a lot. He works from his home office and started putting in 60+ hours every week, including weekends. He said things were looking up for us financially but he never made any more money. On many occasions (several times a week) I would walk into his office and he would literally jump and quickly click the mouse. Most recently, when he was not quick enough I caught glimpses of a live woman on the screen on 2-3 occasions. When I asked him about this he said he would masturbate once or twice a month and wanted something nice to look at so he would watch porn. I asked him what type of porn he looks at. He said mainly pictures and an occasional video. I dont have a problem with this, but why woudnt he come to me for sex? I know there is a lot out there, so we talked about what was appropriate/inappropriate online behavior. We both agreed that communication of any sort would be crossing the line. He says he has never nor would he ever communicate with women online other than for work.
> 
> ...


*Probably a little bit of both, to be perfectly honest!

Looks as if those opioids he's been taking has a rather severe side effect causing him to be leering at and ogling other women!*


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

could he being doing something with Steve to get money? Have you met Steve?

Is he selling is drugs?

I would have had to move on by now, just so much not adding up and he is just not being honest with you.


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## Stacey25 (Sep 10, 2016)

I do know Steve and he seems like a very nice guy. Steve is probably my husbands closest friend. I have thought about talking to him but he would probably believe anything my husband tells him. As far as selling his drugs, I doubt it but suppose it is possible. If he is selling drugs what is he doing with the money? Things just don't add up


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Your husband is still lying to you and cheating on you. Did you ever read my story?


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Stacey25 said:


> Thanks everyone. Hey I need some help. I looked at our verizon bill today and noticed that his phone had a a
> a lot of data usage on the data share talk and text. mostly in the middle of the night. I called verizon and she really didnt know what this was. Anyone have any information about this? Could he be using an app that only shows up on our data plan...no #s are listed. just dates and KG. could he be texting, talking, sharing files etc.. I also noticed on the bill that since I confronted him about all this there is absolutely ZERO data used. Coincidence? Probably not. Any info is much appreciated.


Unfortunately I do have some experience with this. My wife had been communicating with another man using a messaging app that yes, does only show up on data usage. It's not easy to pick up on but if there are small bits of data usage, like .0001-.0006 let's say, those are messages either being sent or received. Bigger data usages than that could be an app that constantly streams or it could be the phone backing itself up in the middle of the night. If you can gain access to the phone, look for apps like Whatsapp, Viber, Snapchat, things like that.

There are a lot of spy programs out there that you can download onto the phone secretly that will track everything. Just contact the company first and ask them if they're 100% compatible with your husbands phone and your carrier. Some Verizon phones are "rooted" and because of that the software won't track 3rd party messaging software. But keep your eye on the data usage, the individual data blips. The bigger ones are most likely the phone backing something up or downloading something, but the smaller one's are most likely messages.


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## Stacey25 (Sep 10, 2016)

Just read your story. Your very brave. The problem is that my husband does not admit to doing anything wrong. If I catch him in a lie he says that I am mistaken. Regarding the four choices we all have. I am not burning my head in the sand. I do have his passwords. At least the ones he was willing to give me. But he is very tech savvy, and I am not. He can easily set up online accounts via private browsing and Tor and I would never know. I check when I can but thought it might be best to focus on his whereabouts. Any advice on tracking even if he disables GPS on his phone?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Stacey25 said:


> Just read your story. Your very brave. The problem is that my husband does not admit to doing anything wrong. If I catch him in a lie he says that I am mistaken. Regarding the four choices we all have. I am not burning my head in the sand. I do have his passwords. At least the ones he was willing to give me. But he is very tech savvy, and I am not. He can easily set up online accounts via private browsing and Tor and I would never know. I check when I can but thought it might be best to focus on his whereabouts. Any advice on tracking even if he disables GPS on his phone?


Welcome to the *REST* of your married life.

You already KNOW he's a serial cheater and you choose to stay, anyway.

Therefore, do know that you'll ALWAYS have to police this liar, always have to snoop, always try to stay two steps ahead of the sneak, keep a journal of his Viagra use, and meekly accept the **** sandwiches he's been serving up to you on a regular basis - all because you want so badly to stay with him no matter *how *much he's continually disrespected you.

You found proof of his multiple OWs *last *time so this time shouldn't be any different.

DO know that he's probably bought Viagra/generic pills online and has hidden them elsewhere since he knows you keep a record of his pills at home. It's also MORE than likely he's gotten himself a burner phone because he knows he can't use his regular phone anymore since it's monitored.

You haven't stopped his cheating. He reminds me of a termite and what the bug man at work told me years ago. Spray poisons are pointless - all they do is force the termites to use a route you HAVEN'T sprayed. It doesn't *stop* the termites, it just causes them to re-route, is all. Much like your husband. He hasn't _stopped_ cheating, he's just found different methods to CONTINUE, is all.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

@Stacey25 

Can you hire a PI? 

He could be selling pain pills or prostituting himself out?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

NO MAN is worth going through all this bull****. You already know there was contact with other women, why isnt that enough to get you go move on from him? He is a vile person, and is never going to change. The sooner you accept that fact, the better off you'll be. Welcome to the next 30 years of your life, should you choose to stay.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Stacey25, whatever you do, *don't* question yourself. Hang on to your self-respect. 
There's no smoke without fire and there are thick clouds of smoke here. 
They all do this - make us think we're the crazy ones. 
He doesn't know how all that got on his phone?  Sheesh - they all take us for fools too. 
When I discovered a description of their first meeting on my ex-husb's OW's blog, he said she was a writer and made it all up >.

Your H may have a porn addiction, but as described, there's way more than that.
He's trying to make contact. If anyone agreed to meet him, do you think he would say 'no'? He may already have. 
For me, planning to cheat is as bad as cheating - the intent is there and the boundary has been crossed.

Act normally and sweetly - as if you believe all the junk he's feeding you - and go into heavy-duty detective mode. 
There's plenty of instructions on here on how to go about it. 
As others have said, no confront until you have hard evidence.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Stacey25 said:


> Just read your story. Your very brave. *The problem is that my husband does not admit to doing anything wrong.* If I catch him in a lie he says that I am mistaken. Regarding the four choices we all have. I am not burning my head in the sand. I do have his passwords. At least the ones he was willing to give me. But he is very tech savvy, and I am not. He can easily set up online accounts via private browsing and Tor and I would never know. I check when I can but thought it might be best to focus on his whereabouts. Any advice on tracking even if he disables GPS on his phone?


Did you read the part where I kicked him out?? THAT is what you need to do here. Not 'gather more evidence'. Just kick his lying cheating ass to the curb. Done.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

He is spending many hours each day on his office and yet not earning anything. I think we all know what he is doing and its not just porn. He is lying and deceiving you and acting as if he is single. 
I am sorry but he is not a man of morals or integrity.


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## Keke24 (Sep 2, 2016)

Why in the world would you choose to continue this relationship, especially considering where you are 9 MONTHS later is beyond me. This is the kind of relationship you want? This is driving you crazy! Is he really worth all this effort on policing. You could be placing this effort into a happy, rewarding relationship rather than trying to keep track of this man.


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## Stacey25 (Sep 10, 2016)

Appreciate all the support, but for whatever reason I need that smoking gun to confront him again. Looking back, I only had red flags and suspicions. This time I really need absolute confirmation, if only for my own head. Maybe I want complete and utter remorse from him after all these years or maybe I want him to say that he has moved on, but either way I want complete confirmation Cant afford a PI but have my own plan. If you read my original post, money is a serious issue. I quit my job when we got married fifteen years ago to raise kids, one mine and one his. Since then we lost our house, he has medical problems and I do what I can to get us by. I have been looking for a decent paying job since last fall. .I have only found a couple of seasonal jobs that pay well but cant afford to support myself, just turned 50. Don't judge but yes I feel trapped. Have a decent paying job for the summer and will continue to look. I don't have a real plan for the future other than to get a good paying job to support myself and my two doggies. What happens to my marriage... is he it worth it ?probably not, but I'm not there yet.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Stacey25 said:


> Appreciate all the support, but for whatever reason I need that smoking gun to confront him again. Looking back, I only had red flags and suspicions. This time I really need absolute confirmation, if only for my own head. Maybe I want complete and utter remorse from him after all these years or maybe I want him to say that he has moved on, but either way I want complete confirmation Cant afford a PI but have my own plan. If you read my original post, money is a serious issue. I quit my job when we got married fifteen years ago to raise kids, one mine and one his. Since then we lost our house, he has medical problems and I do what I can to get us by. I have been looking for a decent paying job since last fall. .I have only found a couple of seasonal jobs that pay well but cant afford to support myself, just turned 50. Don't judge but yes I feel trapped. Have a decent paying job for the summer and will continue to look. I don't have a real plan for the future other than to get a good paying job to support myself and my two doggies. What happens to my marriage... is he it worth it ?probably not, but I'm not there yet.


Thanks for the honesty in regards to your need to stay married with this man for now. With that said, you already know he is cheating. 

Stop having sex with him because he is going to get an STD from the women he is being physical with. Start channeling money into a separate account for just you. He may end up leaving you once he figures out that staying married to you is not necessary and he can pay for sex from different women which seems what he is doing for quite a while now. It's his dream come true, once you two got to using the little blue pill. 

The lunches with his friend are not as often as he states. He probably knows you are checkingup on him and that is why he leaves the car at the restaurant and using alternative transportation. He is very resourceful. If your town has more than 12 -15,000 inhabitants, escorts don't have a problem coming to him as there are probably a couple of "Gentlemen Clubs" out there in the outskirts of town. 

Be prepared for him leaving you sooner than later. You need to protect yourself legally as he doesn't have your best interest at heart. He is one terribly selfish and self serving man. 

Have no doubt, he will not bat an eye when he lies in your face and throws you out to the curb with yesterday's trash. He is that selfish!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Get into his computer.


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