# help, i feel deficient



## ladybug7 (Nov 2, 2010)

my first post, I hope this doesnt sound too pitiful, but I am hoping for some advice. I feel really deficient at times...a little background, I am with my boyfriend, he is the first one I have been with in over ten years since I got divorced. 

I feel like I am never good enough, no matter what I do, how I look...my boyfriend recently told me to gain weight and make my butt get big..sometimes when we're out i catch him looking at other women, well actually at times he comes right out and says "I want you to get big like her"...the other day he got me mexican food and made me finish it, he told me not to get up until I was done..

I am almost 5'8" and weigh about 125...his ex was short and thick body type...I am more like ballerina type figure and apparently its not good enough..

he told me i need to stop going to the gym, its the last thing I need he said..and gain at least 20 pounds...

I also feel inferior because sexually, I can only come in one position..I feel so deficient, if he goes down on me, I cant seem to come for the life of me...if he is on top I cant come, not even close...only when I am on top, its only position..

when I was young I was like always the last one picked for p.e., I was shy and overweight...seems like whatever I do its never good enough

should I quit the gym and start packing on the pounds to make him happy?


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## engaged1579 (Oct 31, 2010)

If he really loves you then he would love you the way you are. My fiance has imperfections just like every other person in the world, but I would never point them out to her. Two reasons. One, it makes her feel like you are feeling now and two, I love her exactly the way she is. I wouldn't change anything about her ever! I think you need to talk to him and tell him how he is making you feel. I'm sure he has imperfections too, but you don't point your finger at them do you?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

he is trying to manulipate you stay true to yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!
5"8 125lbs sounds yummy to me!!!!!and a woman who like to be on top even better
keep up the good work and going to the gym.

you might want to look for a new boyfriend also

JMHO


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

ladybug7 said:


> I feel like I am never good enough, no matter what I do, how I look...my boyfriend recently told me to gain weight and make my butt get big..sometimes when we're out i catch him looking at other women, well actually at times he comes right out and says "I want you to get big like her"...the other day he got me mexican food and made me finish it, he told me not to get up until I was done..
> 
> I also feel inferior because sexually, I can only come in one position..I feel so deficient, if he goes down on me, I cant seem to come for the life of me...if he is on top I cant come, not even close...only when I am on top, its only position..
> 
> should I quit the gym and start packing on the pounds to make him happy?


Is he a perfect stud? Tell him to lose weight and make you come in more positions. Why is up to you to please him? What about what you want? You can't let people make you feel inadequate. Try and be positive about yourself and live for yourself a little.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

If YOU don't want to go to the gym, and if you YOU want to gain weight, then go for it. But if you are only going to do it to please HIM, then it would be a mistake. You need to be appy with who you are, or you won't be happy with anyone else. And if he's not happy with who you are, then you're better off without him.


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## Idontknownow (Sep 30, 2010)

I don't like your boyfriend. Ditch him and find someone who is attracted to who you are. He sounds like a controlling ass.


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## 76Trombones (Jun 2, 2010)

I say get rid of him too. If he doesn't like you for who you are, then you need to replace him with someone who does.


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

You need to leave this man today. 

That is all.


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## LaceyRain3 (Oct 13, 2010)

Anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself is not the right person for you.

Leave the jerk. It's better to be "without" than to be with a manipulator who has issues. He knew your physical shape when he met you, he shouldn't be trying to change you, he should love you just the way you are.

He doesn't deserve you. Remove yourself.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ladybug7 said:


> should I quit the gym and start packing on the pounds to make him happy?


 I would not stay with this man, he is disrespectful to you in many ways, looking at other women in front of you , knowing you struggled with your weight in your younger years & telling you you have to gain to "turn him on". Sounds to me like you have "model" proportions and probably get alot of male attention , plus you work out!! Lots of men would LOVE this about a woman! 

Do you get other male attention ? if so, feed on that, and find a man who is attracted to your body - if you are indeed happy with your body and feel this is where YOU want to be, for your health and looks. I can see his concern if you was anorexic or something , but if this is not the case, dump him.


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## ladybug7 (Nov 2, 2010)

I guess I dont have a whole lot of choice about it..the thing is earlier on , I agreed that he could have the final say in things but sometimes lately it seems like its turning into something where my only choice is to say 'ok' to whatever he says


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

This guy is trying to destroy you. He is tearing you down mentally and emotionally. You are beautiful and should not wrap your self esteem around his balls. And if you cannot cum when he goes down, it has nothing to do with you and does AT ALL mean it is your fault. There is nothing wrong with you. It means he is not good enough, not you. He is not doing it right no matter how he tried to blame it on you and no matter how many times he declares he made women cum that way. You have to become a strong woman who knows her own self worth. Then you will not allow any men to manipulate you into feeling bad about yourself. If you think about it, what he is saying doesn't even makes sense, so you know he is just playing mind games because if he didn't like you, then why is he with you. If a man likes and wants his woman a certain size, why would he talk to women smaller or larger? And him looking at other women is disrespectful. Him talking about and comparing you to other women is disrespectful. Think enough of yourself to not allow men to disrespect you like this. Love yourself more than you love him.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

ladybug7 said:


> I guess I dont have a whole lot of choice about it..the thing is earlier on , I agreed that he could have the final say in things but sometimes lately it seems like its turning into something where my only choice is to say 'ok' to whatever he says


No, this is BULL , you are not married to this man, and YOU can cut him loose, he has no hold on you, unless you allow him. So long as he is not some kind of stalker or crazy man who will haunt you if you break up- then you may have some legitimate fears & care in how you go about it. If this is NOT the case, women can grow balls too - end it.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

I want to add there are some men who target women like you. They are experts at detecting your vulnerabilities so they can exploit them. They are clever and proficient at making you WANT to rely on them. With you, he is able to see how much you rely on his opinion and approval because, just like here, you said things and acted in ways that showed him you are unsure about yourself. That's why the idea is not to tie your sense of self to someone else. You have to determine your worth for yourself. A woman who is not like you (like me) could not be caught in his trap because I know who I am and I know what I see in the mirror. So no one else can convince me otherwise because I know what he is up to. He needs to control you and that is what this is all about. The main thing though is even if you do rely on him, he should not take advantage and create opportunities to be unkind, like looking at other women and comparing you to them. That is an evil thing to do, and no telling what else he does that you have not shared with us. He should not in any way, form, or fashion take advantage of that of your insecurities but he knows you are insecure, so he uses that to beat you down. This is the same kind of abuser and bully who beats women with his fists. 

A man might tell you he loves you, but you have to decide if he loves you the way you need to be loved. Love doesn't hurt your feelings, so he is not loving you the way you need to be loved. A man should make you feel good and desirable and not try to make you feel you are not good enough. Trying to turn you into someone you are not is controlling. He should make you feel like the only woman on earth. You should know in your heart if he were the only man left in the universe and there were a million other women of all ages, shapes, and sizes, he would choose only you out of the whole bunch. Hey, even if he's lying he is supposed to make you feel that way so you never know he is lying. 

Kick this guy to the curb so you free yourself to find someone who appreciates you does not want to hurt your feelings. Breaking up is hard to do under any circumstances, but breaking up with him will be twice as hard because he was expert at wrapping you around his finger and making you fall in love with him. On top of that, he is going to make you feel guilty. He is going to start blaming you. He is going to try to make you think he has done so much for you. He is going to try to convince you that no one else will want you. He will try every trick in his repertoire, but please don't fall for it. His tactics are the same as wife abusers. Would you stay with a man who beat you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Staying with him is the same thing because he beats you down mentally with his words. There may not be any black eyes or broken noses or other physical scars, but the emotional scars are just as bad. Look at how you feel about yourself. Look at what you are doing. You are on an internet website asking strangers to help you make yourself better........when there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Read this article to learn about his mentality.
Romeo's Bleeding


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Oh yeah, I forgot how men like your guy uses sex against his victims. See there, there is nothing wrong with you. Read Romeo's Bleeding, and you will see your man all over the page.


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