# How do i proceed??!



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Hello All!

I haven't posted anything in a while.

maybe y'll can help!

I've found a couple of numbers on hubbys phone (4) 2 of which belong to woman. I've managed to find their names using google. I have never heard their names before. So it is very suspicious.

I have an address for one of them, I've found her Facebook profile (shes married). 

My question is- How do i proceed? Do i text them and ask WTF? I am not sure what to do??? obviously i need more info, because right now its not looking good from where in sitting.

When started my account here same deal. But now i have a couple of names, an address and phone numbers. I haven't been able to find out who the other 2 numbers belong to, with out paying for a search, but i'm willing to bet those numbers belong to woman. 

Any advice will be helpful

Thank you in advance


----------



## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

You could call the numbers and ask the women how they know your husband.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I'd get more info before doing anything.

How often is he calling/texting these numbers?

Any chance he works w/ these people and has a legitimate reason to contact them?

Are you able to check the phone bills?

Any voice or text messages from any of these numbers on his phone that you're able to listen to/read?

What kind of phone does he use?

What kind of phone do _you_ use?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

Plant a voice activated digital tape recorder in his car using velcro under the seat. 

Install a locator app on his phone and track his whereabouts for a week or so.

Read up on the list of things that cheaters do, including but not limited to unexplained absences, locking up cellphones and email accounts, more or less sex than usual, showers after work, that sort of thing.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

GusPolinski said:


> I'd get more info before doing anything.
> 
> How often is he calling/texting these numbers?
> 
> ...


There are no text message to any of the numbers, so i am assuming he deletes them?

One of the numbers hes been calling and getting phone calls from almost every day since the end of july. Im not sure about the others. I haven't gotten that far. 

He doesn't work with them, and he just recently started a new job the first part of august and if he did work with them, he'd mention them.

We don't get a phone bill. I will check to see if i can go online to see what i can find.

I haven't thought to check voice mail. he does check his voicemail on his way to work, though every morning.

We both have Samsung galaxy S5's


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Yosemite said:


> Plant a voice activated digital tape recorder in his car using velcro under the seat.
> 
> Install a locator app on his phone and track his whereabouts for a week or so.
> 
> Read up on the list of things that cheaters do, including but not limited to unexplained absences, locking up cellphones and email accounts, more or less sex than usual, showers after work, that sort of thing.


Great idea. I will look into doing all the above ...Thank you


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Cell phone service provider has all the calls/text messages online. I just need to figure out what his password is!


----------



## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

ladybird said:


> Cell phone service provider has all the calls/text messages online. I just need to figure out what his password is!


Ask him for it. If he asks you why you want it tell him there should be no secrets in a marriage.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Yosemite said:


> Ask him for it. If he asks you why you want it tell him there should be no secrets in a marriage.


 If i do that he will know what i'm up to. i know and he will try and bury everything, just like he did the last time. 

Its funny because i pay all the bills EXCEPT the phone bill. 

Im gonna do this sneaky. sounds bad, but.......... I know what will happen, if i dont


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Im also going to look at his cc statement. I do have the login info for all that =)


----------



## Yosemite (Aug 23, 2016)

ladybird said:


> If i do that he will know what i'm up to. i know and he will try and bury everything, just like he did the last time.
> 
> Its funny because i pay all the bills EXCEPT the phone bill.
> 
> Im gonna do this sneaky. sounds bad, but.......... I know what will happen, if i dont


Wait, what?

There was a LAST time? 

That should have BEEN the last time. 

What does it matter if you find anything? You'll just confront him, he'll say he's sorry, and you'll forgive him. 

Etc.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Yosemite said:


> Wait, what?
> 
> There was a LAST time?
> 
> ...


The only thing i had was a gut feeling something was off. I couldn't find ANY thing, because i confronted him before i had anything to go on, other then a gut feeling. That is WHY i need do this without him knowing about it

AND no. he will not be forgiven.


----------



## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

You can try spy dialer. It's supposed to take you directly to the cellphone number's voicemail without ringing the phone. That way you can hear the voice on the greeting message.

Free Reverse Phone Number Lookup - Cell Phone or Landline | Spy Dialer


----------



## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Ladybird,

Play it cool you do not want to have them take greater precautions to avoid detection.

If he is cheating you need to catch him with the goods, rather than suffering in limbo for years.

Tamat


----------



## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

MJJEAN said:


> You could call the numbers and ask the women how they know your husband.


Best of all, call them using his phone and see what greeting you get.
If it's company name or something neutral you know what's up.

If even one gives a personally close greeting you got warning bells.

If they ask who it is, tell them you found the phone and are trying to track down the owner, is he there or do they know how to get hold of him.

You can probably create the circumstance where you cause his phone to be "lost" for a day, and fail to find it before he goes to work - in fact if he's unnaturally joined to the hip with the thing it's a warning sign too. Also a good way to make sure you both learn to back up your phone data in case of loss or damage  You can then "find" it in your clothing or bag a day later, even go as far as temporarily "misplacing" it during lunch/work while you're looking after it - as this allows for a reason for "a stranger" to "try and locate the owner".

A quick call to reception before doing this will confirm if any women by those names have been assigned as part of your husband team/support.


----------



## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

LB,

Your gut feeling is strong. 

At this point do not confront. Respectively, shut up. Do not tip your hand. The single biggest mistake BS make is the soft confront. If your WS is cheating and you really want the truth... go dark, go silent, act as nothing is wrong, watch, listen, but... please don't ask, "is their something wrong?" " are you seeing some else?" I lost 7 years of my life due to the "soft confront". 

Cheaters are liars by very definition. They will manipulate you by trust. Trust no one.


----------



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I like the lost phone idea - maybe have a male friend do the calling though, it will be less suspicious when they tell him (and they will tell him).


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I agree with the VAR as the quickest, surest way to confirm this. (And I mean 'confirm.' It seems pretty clear that he is up to no good.) Stay cool, plant the VAR in his car and then see what you get.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

No cell shenanigans. Var all the way. It will get you the truth
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## veganmermaid (Jun 17, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> No cell shenanigans. Var all the way. It will get you the truth
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep. Plus less likely to arouse his suspicion and make him sneakier.

Sent from my VS986 using Tapatalk


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If you find proof that he is cheating, what will you do?


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Any updates?


----------



## Married&Confused (Jan 19, 2011)

if you get his cell phone, check what ringtones these numbers have. he may have them ring silent so as not to give them away.

having said that I probably have 1500 contacts in my phone, probably 500 female. if he's in a professional business more than likely he'll have female numbers on his phone like I do.


----------



## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

ladybird,

It's particularly important that you get those cell phone records anyway you can. When you do, note the time of day of the calls and their duration. This will help you to make the best use of your VAR.

For the texts, note the time of day and the total amount of them. Are they consistently first thing in the morning, just before he goes to bed at night? Typical of a cheater. If there are hundreds of them, you can assume he's cheating with her; and if they have been texting since July or before, there's a good chance it's gone physical. Men don't typically fool around with an EA for more than a few weeks before they give up or it gets physical.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

uhtred said:


> If you find proof that he is cheating, what will you do?


 If i find out that he is having an affair, I'm GONE. It will be over.


----------



## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

badmemory said:


> ladybird,
> 
> It's particularly important that you get those cell phone records anyway you can. When you do, note the time of day of the calls and their duration. This will help you to make the best use of your VAR.
> 
> For the texts, note the time of day and the total amount of them. Are they consistently first thing in the morning, just before he goes to bed at night? Typical of a cheater. If there are hundreds of them, you can assume he's cheating with her; and if they have been texting since July or before, there's a good chance it's gone physical. Men don't typically fool around with an EA for more than a few weeks before they give up or it gets physical.



Sorry for the delayed response. I haven't been able to log in :/

I should be able to get a VAR next week. I will put it under the seat. If anything comes of that i will reset the password on his account to gain access to his call/text logs.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ladybird, a quick and easy way to possibly get the IDs of the people attached to these numbers is to search by phone number inside Facebook.

Most people tie their Facebook profiles to their cell phones. In the top left corner of Facebook in the "search Facebook" field, simply type in one of the phone numbers. If it's attached to a profile, it will bring you right to it.


----------



## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

The problem is that you will never be able to know that he is *not* cheating, just that you haven't caught him *yet*. If it is women's numbers, I'm sure he will have some sort of excuse - there are lots of legitimate reasons that men might have women's numbers in their phones.

I don't have any useful advice. Once suspicion sets in, you are in a very difficult situation of not being able to be sure one way or the other.




ladybird said:


> If i find out that he is having an affair, I'm GONE. It will be over.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

ladybug,


IIRC your husband does not want sex as often as you do; is that correct?


----------



## Sephirox (Sep 18, 2016)

Yes VAR, cell phone/bill records, does he have all the suspicious behaviors of typical wayward?


----------

