# Can I trust her again?



## Cambridge (Dec 17, 2013)

My wife of 28 years has cheated repeatedly. It seems every two years we come to a crossroads in our marriage. She has had emotional (anytime) and physical (only when extremely drunk) affairs. When I find out she takes responsibility and one incident about 8 years ago did some therapy, but she does also blame my personal quirks as a reason each time that she cheated. 
My Father was a bad alcoholic and cheated on my Mother and whenever he came around was very bi-polar towards his wife and us kids. He would be all smiles and quickly get angry. My wife says that I also anger quickly and often have no patience with people and things. I have always been faithful and resisted any temptation with a flirting woman.
After recently unfriending two people that she has admitted had sex with her years ago, I am still trying to rationize why we should be continuing with our marriage. 
She is really making an effort to stop her addiction to affairs and work on our marriage. I would like to remain married to her, but the trust and betrayal are always looming overhead.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Cambridge said:


> My wife of 28 years has cheated repeatedly. It seems every two years we come to a crossroads in our marriage. She has had emotional (anytime) and physical (only when extremely drunk) affairs. When I find out she takes responsibility and one incident about 8 years ago did some therapy, but she does also blame my personal quirks as a reason each time that she cheated.
> My Father was a bad alcoholic and cheated on my Mother and whenever he came around was very bi-polar towards his wife and us kids. He would be all smiles and quickly get angry. My wife says that I also anger quickly and often have no patience with people and things. I have always been faithful and resisted any temptation with a flirting woman.
> After recently unfriending two people that she has admitted had sex with her years ago, I am still trying to rationize why we should be continuing with our marriage.
> She is really making an effort to stop her addiction to affairs and work on our marriage. I would like to remain married to her, but the trust and betrayal are always looming overhead.


Why would you like to remain married to her?


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Cambridge

How old are you and your wife? Do you have any kids?

What are both your backgrounds?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

So if my math is right she has had 14 affair through the course of the marriage.
I think you in a tough spot cuz 2 years into the marriage you tolerated this behavior and it has continued for the last 28 yrs...what do you expect from her now?

Why should she change when you have excepted this half @ss open marriage for so long?

See bad behavior continues when there are no consequences and I'm sorry to say if you want her to stop you will need to divorce her...then maybe she can see the seriousness of it all and do the heavy lifting to win you back.

I believe people can change but they really need the incentive to do so and they have to to it for them selves.

I'm amazed you have gone this long before breaking, the emotional torture must be unbearable...why now?

Is the cuckold lifestyle getting old?


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Every two years you go through this? How many affairs has she had that you know about? 

This does not sound like your going to survive this marriage. If she does this every two years she is going to kill you in the end. It may not be physically but it sure will be emotionally. Her using drinking as an excuse to cheat is disgusting. 

I am sure it wont be easy but I would recommend you move on and get away from her. 

I am really sorry you are going through this.

Clay


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Absolutely, you can trust her. You can trust that she will cheat on you again. One doesn't make an effort to be loyal or honest. They either choose to be or choose not to be. If, after each violation, she blames you, what would give you the idea that she considers her behavior a serious problem or something within her control that she is responsible for?


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

"Can I trust her again?"

I think you know the answer to that question, amigo.

Have some respect for yourself and divorce her cheating ass.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

I hope this is not a troll.

Past behavior is a good prediction of future behavior. File for divorce and get her out of your life.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Sorry you find yourself here, Cambridge, but I don't think anything will change for you going forward.

Here's why (and take this as meant, as tough love): you're weak as water. You are a not a man; at least, not one she can possibly give herself to fully because you haven't DEMANDED it.

Give us here in this forum one reason why she won't do it again? She has been able to do it over and over with no consequences for the entirety of your marriage. It's in her DNA to cheat, and it's in yours to be cheated on. No, it's worse than that - you are an enabler.

You can change the situation, but it honestly has nothing to do with her. The change has to be entirely yours - YOU have to find your self respect and lay out a new course for your life that doesn't include cheating wives or your being a cuckold.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

So basically, your wife has been a serial cheater for all these years and you've given her no real consequences.

Think back to the first time you caught her cheating. If at that point you had given them, you might have had a chance for her to turn around. But after the second time, by not divorcing her you were simply enabling her; and that enabling increased every time you did nothing after that. 

No since going in to what those consequences should have been. There's not one that will have any effect on changing her; it's too late.

So you have a choice. Either live with have a wife who is a serial cheater and will continue to cheat; or gain back a modicum of self-respect and divorce her.


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## Cambridge (Dec 17, 2013)

Thanks for all your feedback. The concensus is to divorce her and have some respect for myself. She has promised no more drinking and to focus her love for me as a priority; are the reasons I would even consider staying in the marriage. All of these blogs do highlight the message of once a cheater, always a cheater. Since the latest we have grown closer and I am working on my bad habits of belittling and angering so easy. We now make love daily and she has shown a complete 180 in her resolve to make it work this time. She has sworn that I know of all of her adultery now and vows to control her impulses.


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## InlandTXMM (Feb 15, 2013)

Cambridge you are whistling past the graveyard.

A serial cheater is broken internally. She's fundamentally flawed. There is no fixing her.


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## Cambridge (Dec 17, 2013)

We have two kids 24 and 22. We are 55 (me) and 48 (her). 22 yo is still in school until April. 24 yo is back with us but looking into going to the oil fields in Western Canada.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Given that serial cheating is in her DNA, how do you know the kids are even biologically yours?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Cambridge said:


> Thanks for all your feedback. The concensus is to divorce her and have some respect for myself. She has *promised no more drinking and to focus her love for me as a priority*; are the reasons I would even consider staying in the marriage. All of these blogs do highlight the message of once a cheater, always a cheater. Since the latest we have grown closer and I am working on my bad habits of belittling and angering so easy. We now make love daily and she has shown a complete 180 in her resolve to make it work this time. She has *sworn that I know of all of her adultery now *and *vows to control her impulses*.



Other than upping the sex frequency, what has she done to make you think she will be faithful going forward? 

Not what has she said. 

What has she _done_?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

aug said:


> Given that serial cheating is in her DNA, how do you know the kids are even biologically yours?


It is a legit question.
They are both adults now so it's kind of water over the bridge but me personally I would want to know.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Personality quirks may be grounds for her to leave you, if you were bi-polar it may be grounds to leave you, and I could go on and on about why people leave a marriage. But the spouse's behaviors is never grounds for cheating. If a person wants to be with someone other then their spouse, divorce then and then go pursue the other folks.

Your wife will more then likely persist in this behaviior.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

"My wife of 28 years has cheated repeatedly"

You just answered you own thread's question, lol. 

Divorce. Hard 180. Hook up with other chicks. Get out of this sham.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Cambridge said:


> My wife of 28 years has cheated repeatedly. It seems every two years we come to a crossroads in our marriage. She has had emotional (anytime) and physical (only when extremely drunk) affairs. When I find out she takes responsibility and one incident about 8 years ago did some therapy, but she does also blame my personal quirks as a reason each time that she cheated.
> My Father was a bad alcoholic and cheated on my Mother and whenever he came around was very bi-polar towards his wife and us kids. He would be all smiles and quickly get angry. My wife says that I also anger quickly and often have no patience with people and things. I have always been faithful and resisted any temptation with a flirting woman.
> After recently unfriending two people that she has admitted had sex with her years ago, I am still trying to rationize why we should be continuing with our marriage.
> She is really making an effort to stop her addiction to affairs and work on our marriage. I would like to remain married to her, but the trust and betrayal are always looming overhead.


She cheats repeatedly because you're allowing her to do so, because she knows that she does it and she can get away with it and your going to stick around.

I do not believe the thing about it being addiction, not cheating.... Its just a way shes trying to rationalise what shes doing.

My answer NO WAY.... You cannot trust her at all.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Cambridge said:


> Thanks for all your feedback. The concensus is to divorce her and have some respect for myself. She has promised no more drinking and to focus her love for me as a priority; are the reasons I would even consider staying in the marriage. All of these blogs do highlight the message of once a cheater, always a cheater. Since the latest we have grown closer and I am working on my bad habits of belittling and angering so easy. We now make love daily and she has shown a complete 180 in her resolve to make it work this time. She has sworn that I know of all of her adultery now and vows to control her impulses.


But for how long. Drink is not the reason shes cheated. Its nothing to do with drink.


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## Stronger-now (Oct 31, 2013)

As someone who is divorcing a serial cheater, I can tell you with certainty that they will never change. 

I was codependent since I started dating. Always rooted for the underdogs, wanted to save them. It took a while before I learn and realize, their problems are not mine. I still love my soon-to-be ex, but I choose to love him from far far away. 

Save yourself from this destructive person.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> My wife says that I also anger quickly and often have no patience with people and things.


Yes. And your wife f**ks every man with even the trace of a pulse.

I can't quite see how she can use your apparent lack of patience to justify her cheating.

Oh, wait! It's all becoming clear, now! :slap: Your wife is looking for anything to justify her egregious behaviour, no matter how flimsy!

Get checked for STD/HIV. And tell her you are doing this as you cannot trust her to have the interests of your health at heart.

Divorce might be an option.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Cambridge said:


> My wife says that I also anger quickly and often have no patience with people and things. I have always been faithful and resisted any temptation with a flirting woman.


 If she cheated that many times and she can't understand why you anger quickly? Can't understand why. So how long are you going to put up with this? 

How many times does she have to cheat before you say enough? Dude. get a divorce and get away from her as quick as possible.


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## 10th Engineer Harrison (Dec 11, 2013)

Cambridge said:


> After recently unfriending two people that she has admitted had sex with her years ago, I am still trying to rationize why we should be continuing with our marriage.
> She is really making an effort to stop her addiction to affairs and work on our marriage. I would like to remain married to her, but the trust and betrayal are always looming overhead.


Why do you want 2 stay married 2 her?

-ol' 2long


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## JohnC_depressed (Dec 6, 2012)

You are from Canada. Why don't you ask George St Pierre to come and beat the hell out of you??? It would seem less painful than the marriage you are in.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

2long said:


> Why do you want 2 stay married 2 her?
> 
> -ol' 2long


He loves her. They created two children together.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> He loves her. They created two children together.



As much as a romatic and lovey dovey type of guy I am, his wife doesn't care. And just cause they have kids together, shouldn't really mean much. Never "stay for JUST the kids". That is bad all around. Even if he accepts that his wife is a slvt who will cheat on him repeatedly without remorse. Still, that's no way to live. Serial cheaters are unrepentant scum, they are truly a lost cause.

OP, divorce your wife. It's the only way here. And it's just the tip of the iceberg. There is more. With people like your wife, there is always more.


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## illwill (Feb 21, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> He loves her. They created two children together.


Does he love her? Or is this fear? Even if he really does she does not love him. Thats all that matters.

And just because you love someone, does not mean you should be with them.


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## sirdano (Dec 30, 2011)

Look up Hosea and see what it like marrying some one who is promiscuous


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## Humble Pie (Feb 28, 2012)

Cambridge said:


> My wife of 28 years has cheated repeatedly. .


You answered you question in the first sentence.


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## Stronger-now (Oct 31, 2013)

I also want to add this:

One of the things that hurt the most about infidelity is they take away your right to decide what to do with your life. They hide crucial information of what is going on in your life (behind your back). 

What woke me up at the end is this: if you are married to a serial cheater, there comes a time you know what to expect from them. You can expect them to cheat again. And at that time, I could not claim not having all the information I need anymore. At that point, you would be an enabler to stay with them. 

Stay if you want. But you decide to stay knowing she will cheat, again.


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## Cambridge (Dec 17, 2013)

Thank you all for your comments! The reason I'm staying and try to work on our relationship is I love her very much and care what happens to her. Even if we did divorce, I still would hope she gets the help she definitely needs to stop her destructive behavior to herself and all of us around her. I do believe it is an addiction (at least in her case) because the guys she cheats with are losers and liars with their own heavy set of baggage. They tell her what she wants to hear and play with her emotions. I guess it is that type of guy that would take advantage of her when she's drunk. The drink is a major part of pushing her to have random sex with some guy. Her cheating has been one night stands, but her emotional cheating can go on for months or years in the case of an old "friend" she connected with again on Facebook.
I believe she is truly remorseful and does really love me because she asks me daily how we are doing. Last night when we both woke up in the night she said again that she was sorry and loves me very much.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> He loves her. They created two children together.


Yep, this is the sad truth of it all. He loves her, and they have children. Was the same for me..... this is what blinds us..... The thing is, this is when we become doormats.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Cambridge said:


> Thank you all for your comments! The reason I'm staying and try to work on our relationship is I love her very much and care what happens to her. Even if we did divorce, I still would hope she gets the help she definitely needs to stop her destructive behavior to herself and all of us around her. I do believe it is an addiction (at least in her case) because the guys she cheats with are losers and liars with their own heavy set of baggage. They tell her what she wants to hear and play with her emotions. I guess it is that type of guy that would take advantage of her when she's drunk. The drink is a major part of pushing her to have random sex with some guy. Her cheating has been one night stands, but her emotional cheating can go on for months or years in the case of an old "friend" she connected with again on Facebook.
> I believe she is truly remorseful and does really love me because she asks me daily how we are doing. Last night when we both woke up in the night she said again that she was sorry and loves me very much.


I cant say this is the case, but I LOVE YOU is an easy thing to say. They are just words at the end of the day, you need to prove that you love someone, and repeatedly cheating again and again is not proving that you love someone or wanting to change things.

She may very well be remorseful for doing it, but that has not stopped her from doing it again.

I have to say drink is no answer to what shes doing. I love a drink, and having many J.D's on a Saturday night, but this does not make me want to go and cheat on my husband, and its up to her not to let them take advantage of her. Shes responsible for herself, and knows whats right and wrong.

I really do hope for your sake she is sorry, you seem like a real nice person, but just do not let her take your kindness for a way to treat you the way she wants to, and get you believing everything she says, she needs to prove herself to you.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Can you trust her? NO. Not now, not for the past 28 years. 

She takes responsibility but still blames you. That is not taking responsibility 

I did it I admit it I take responsibility but it is your fault because....

That makes no sense.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cambridge (Dec 17, 2013)

She does take responsibility and says it's no excuse for cheating, but she said that when I am moody that turns her off and she thinks that I don't love her. Even then she is not looking for an affair, but if a guy (even a loser) pays attention to her she gets obsessed with that person. I should also mention that there was a ten year stretch where I was unhappy with my job and she didn't cheat as far as she is telling me. She raised the kids and I didn't always get involved or go with them to different outings. When we did go on holiday or spend time together, there would always be a fight. Maybe at the back of my mind, I did have the previous incidents of cheating cloud my behavior towards her. I know I sound like a doormat, and probably was for putting up with everything, but the difference now is divorce and going our separate ways is an option that I am prepared to do.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I think you can trust your wife to be exactly who she is. 

And she has _more_ than amply shown you that she is a woman with addiction issues, extremely poor boundaries around men, and an unhealthy need for attention and external validation. She uses cheating as a coping mechanism for life stresses, and is most likely extremely conflict-avoidant and passive-aggressive. Something either in her inherent being or in her emotional and psychological development has created someone with those traits. So, you can certainly trust her to continue to be that person. 

Listen, I get it. I really do. You probably haven't always been husband of the year material. You've got your own issues and hang-ups, and most likely have done things that were destructive to your marriage. But choosing to cheat repeatedly is a decision that she has made - over and over and over again - all on her own. Unless she's in a lengthy course of intensive work on her personal issues with the help of a very qualified professional, I don't think there's any real reason to suspect she will suddenly be, long-term, a completely different person than she's always been. And who she's always been...cheats.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Cambridge said:


> All of these blogs do highlight the message of once a cheater, always a cheater.


Maybe or maybe not. More accurately stated; once a serial cheater, always a cheater.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Cambridge said:


> I believe she is truly remorseful and does really love me because she asks me daily how we are doing. Last night when we both woke up in the night she said again that she was sorry and loves me very much.


And how is this different than after the first, second, third, fourth...time she cheated?


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

The question is not can you trust her again. The question is should you trust her again. 

She says she will control her impulses.

How?

From what you've posted she hasn't been able to before. What has changed? Has she recently started counseling? What dramatic shift in the dynamics of your marriage has occurred? Doing the same thing and expecting a different outcome is pretty foolish right?


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

No, you can’t trust her, but you seem to like being married to her (28 years). 

Getting drunk doesn’t just lower her inhibitions; it also gives her an excuse for doing naughty things.

Do yourself a favor and admit to yourself that she is likely to cheat again because she always has. Use a condom and enjoy the daily sex.

*"Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed."
-------------- Benjamin Franklin*


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

As I see it. Either accept that she cannot be trusted and will continue to cheat. 

Or get a long over due D and move forward to rebuild your life. 

She has cheated on you throughout your 28 year marriage and you have still to identify what the big change in her is that will turn around a life long serial cheater. 

Maybe she'll get too old eventually to continue cheating if you stay with her long enough. I have no idea what age that is. If you do decide to stay please use condoms to protect your health.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Blaming cheating on drinking may be true to a certain extent. When people drink, inhibitions disappear and you see whats really in there.

Some people are happy drunks, you know the good-time merry pranksters. Others get weepy/sentimental when they drink the I-love-you-bro type like Sebastian Bach. 

Then there are the "deep issue" people who let loose with whatever their issue is. Like Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic rants when he drinks. Or people who get drunk and that's when you get to see the bigotry, racism or misogyny, etc.

Your spouse uses drinking to let loose her "deep issues", but the alcohol is but a doorway into what her issues are. It only exacerbates whats already there.


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## Cambridge (Dec 17, 2013)

I was a bad alcoholic and quit 23 years ago. It did take me a few times to finally quit. I'm hoping my wife can change too. And who can say for sure that she can't stop cheating except for her.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Cambridge said:


> I was a bad alcoholic and quit 23 years ago. It did take me a few times to finally quit. I'm hoping my wife can change too. And who can say for sure that she can't stop cheating except for her.


But you have no control over her.

You are sending her the message that you will always forgive her for cheating so she won't be motivated to stop. Guilt isn't enough and trying to chalk it up to an addiction is just an out. She LIKES cheating and you are in denial and an enabler.

Serial cheaters don't stop, as soon as the dust settles its going to be "Oops, I dun it again".

Why is this time any different than all the others? Did she not make these promises to stop before?


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

Cambridge said:


> My wife of 28 years has cheated repeatedly. It seems every two years we come to a crossroads in our marriage. She has had emotional (anytime) and physical (only when extremely drunk) affairs. When I find out she takes responsibility and one incident about 8 years ago did some therapy, but she does also blame my personal quirks as a reason each time that she cheated.
> My Father was a bad alcoholic and cheated on my Mother and whenever he came around was very bi-polar towards his wife and us kids. He would be all smiles and quickly get angry. My wife says that I also anger quickly and often have no patience with people and things. I have always been faithful and resisted any temptation with a flirting woman.
> After recently unfriending two people that she has admitted had sex with her years ago, *I am still trying to rationize why we should be continuing with our marriage. *
> She is really making an effort to stop her addiction to affairs and work on our marriage. I would like to remain married to her, but the trust and betrayal are always looming overhead.


Dear Cambridge,

You are one of a long line of p*ssy-whipped men who have come to TAM/CWI to explain why they stayed with a serial cheater and to ask the eternal question, can she now be trusted to be faithful?

Of course, you already know that there is no good excuse for having put up with her adultery all these years, just as you know the answer to your question: all she can be "trusted" to do is to cheat again.

Like your predecessors, you have received near unanimous advice to grow a pair and divorce her and, also like your predecessors, you resist that advice with the same lame excuses that you relied upon these many years to justify your choice of cuckoldom:

- you love her

- you care about her

- she cheated because of your faults

- she cheated because she is a sex addict

- she cheated because she was drunk

- she is remorseful

- she is trying to change.

While you claim to be contemplating divorce, based on your past behavior and your continued rationalization of her infidelity, it's a safe bet that -- as long as she continues to offer you words of affection and promises of future fidelity -- you will remain with her to the bitter end (and, for you, it will be bitter).

This is sad because you are still comparatively young and would likely find a worthy partner to share the rest of your life with if you were to divorce your serial cheating wife. But, in all likelihood, you will squander this one, final opportunity for happiness.

If you have any intellectual curiosity about why she cheated on you repeatedly and regularly, read up on female psychology and learn what kind of men woman prefer for sexual partners. Here's a hint: it's not wimpy guys like you. On the other hand, serial cheating women really do appreciate it when a man sacrifices his dignity and provides for her every material need so that she can have the sex life she desires. So, in some sense, she probably does "love" you.

I have no advice to offer other than to suggest that you read _"No More Mr. Nice Guy"_ by Dr. Robert Glover. Perhaps it will give you some insight into why you allowed yourself to become the kind of man that you have become.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Cambridge said:


> I was a bad alcoholic and quit 23 years ago. It did take me a few times to finally quit. I'm hoping my wife can change too. And who can say for sure that she can't stop cheating except for her.



So, how many more affairs does she get before she stops?


fyi, she'll stop eventually; be it of old age or a chronic illness.


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Cambridge said:


> She does take responsibility and says it's no excuse for cheating, *but she said that when I am moody that turns her off and she thinks that I don't love her*. Even then she is not looking for an affair, but if a guy (even a loser) pays attention to her she gets obsessed with that person. *I should also mention that there was a ten year stretch where I was unhappy with my job and she didn't cheat as far as she is telling me. *She raised the kids and I didn't always get involved or go with them to different outings. When we did go on holiday or spend time together, there would always be a fight. Maybe at the back of my mind, I did have the previous incidents of cheating cloud my behavior towards her. I know I sound like a doormat, and probably was for putting up with everything, but the difference now is divorce and going our separate ways is an option that I am prepared to do.


This is all poppyc0ck.

Cambridge, your backwards is thinking.

Your wife doesn't cheat because the marriage is bad. 

The marriage is bad because she cheats. And if you think she wasn't cheating during that ten year stretch, you are fooling yourself friend...


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Cambridge said:


> Thanks for all your feedback. The concensus is to divorce her and have some respect for myself. She has promised no more drinking and to focus her love for me as a priority; are the reasons I would even consider staying in the marriage. All of these blogs do highlight the message of once a cheater, always a cheater. Since the latest we have grown closer and I am working on my bad habits of belittling and angering so easy. We now make love daily and she has shown a complete 180 in her resolve to make it work this time. She has sworn that I know of all of her adultery now and vows to control her impulses.


Just because a cheater swears something, that does not make it the truth.

Maybe you do know , maybe you don't know


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

This is a prime example of the BS fog and the WS being a cake eater.

I doubt anything said by anyone here is going to change anything. It will be rugswept like all the other ones because she knows how to play him. She's learned to cry the crocodile tears, play nice, and sex him up - straight out of the cheaters handbook.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Cambridge said:


> She does take responsibility and says it's no excuse for cheating, but she said that when I am moody that turns her off and she thinks that I don't love her. Even then she is not looking for an affair, but if a guy (even a loser) pays attention to her she gets obsessed with that person. I should also mention that there was a ten year stretch where I was unhappy with my job and she didn't cheat as far as she is telling me. She raised the kids and I didn't always get involved or go with them to different outings. When we did go on holiday or spend time together, there would always be a fight. Maybe at the back of my mind, I did have the previous incidents of cheating cloud my behavior towards her. *I know I sound like a doormat, and probably was for putting up with everything, but the difference now is divorce and going our separate ways is an option that I am prepared to do*.



I am not convinced that you are prepared. When you stopped drinking 23 years ago, why did you stop? What was your motivation? What consequences were you facing?

What are the real consequences that your wife is facing?

Does the two of you waking up in the middle of the night and her saying, Iam sorry and I love you fix this? Sounds all sweet and might be something out of a romance novel, but really, is that all it takes from her?


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

> Can I trust her again?


Deep down you know you won't, and the reality is, you can't and she isn't to be trusted.
As if cheating isn't bad enough, she is a repeat cheat. She likes the variety and thrill. That isn't going to go away. Even if she vows to never cheat again, you'll be with her knowing that she really wants another man to mount her. Sorry to put it like that, but you have to see it for what it is.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

the guy said:


> So if my math is right she has had 14 affair through the course of the marriage.
> I think you in a tough spot cuz 2 years into the marriage you tolerated this behavior and it has continued for the last 28 yrs...what do you expect from her now?
> 
> Why should she change when you have excepted this half @ss open marriage for so long?
> ...


At least you got the rest of your life ahead of you.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Cambridge said:


> My wife of 28 years has cheated repeatedly. It seems every two years we come to a crossroads in our marriage. She has had emotional (anytime) and physical (only when extremely drunk) affairs. When I find out she takes responsibility and one incident about 8 years ago did some therapy, but she does also blame my personal quirks as a reason each time that she cheated.
> ... Yada Yada Yada


NO.


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