# Reconciliation and NC



## schmuck

Wife had the affair with a Tennis Pro at a club. Was a EA that turned to a PA. She has done the whole NC and we have been going to counseling etc. All going quite well. Tonight she asks if she can go back to the Tennis facility that the pro works at to play tennis with her girlfriends. Its only been a month and half since she finally came clean (DDAY). My reaction was are you F'ing kidding me. She says I will be with my girlfriends etc., and I will just play tennis and have blinders on. Whatever that means.

Also says the Affair was just a fling and she does not have any real feelings for the OM.

Am I being too harsh? I basically told her she lost the ability to go to that club forever as far as I was concerned.

your comments are welcome.


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## Country Apple

So she wants to go back to the tennis club that she met the guy and had an affair with? Your not being unfair. I would feel the same way. She has to earn your trust back. Tell her to find a new place to play with her friends or a new hobby. Your marriage should mean more to her and she should understand how that looks to you.


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## F-102

Her excuse is that her GFs are going? I'll bet anything that the GFs had no tiny part in the affair in the first place. "Go ahead honey, you deserve this happiness and he'll never find out."
No, you are not being unreasonable. Tell you what, tell her that you will also be there to watch her play-then see her reaction. If she says okay, go and enjoy yourself. If she gets that "deer in the headlights" look and asks you not to come, then you're back at square one.


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## schmuck

Appreciate the response. I know that the wayward spouse can reach the its over and I am ready to move stage faster than the BS. That is what she told me this am. I will continue to try the R , it is just going to take me a while. She was very forthcoming this mourning and reiterated that she is sorry and loves me etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102

But...is she still going to go there?


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## the guy

I'm in the same place. W wants to go for a girls night out.
My relpy was no. I believe the temptation is to great to allow my cheating wife to be in that kind of enviorment. I comprimised that we should go out as a group and sit a different tables. 

She is the only smoker and there are so many vampires with an excellent art of suduction, that when she exits alone, for a smoke she will be swooped up. She is that weak and she knows that about her behavior. She admits to needing a body guard and has elected me to be hers. Through her own admission she now knows what is exceptable as a married women and married women dont go play were there is any possibility of trouble. She is remorseful and regrets her past behavior, b/c she no longer has the privlige of having a real girls night out.

Schmuck, do you play tennis?


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## schmuck

She is not going to go to that facility to play tennis any time in the near future. She gets it. Since the conversation brought back all the bad thoughts, she was worried that i was going to bail on the R and M. I have yet to really allay her fears, due to us not having a chance to really chat. Probably tonight. I do play Tennis socially as I have a problem with my shoulder. 

She is going to sign us up for mixed doubles in the future, but I will not ever play at that facility. Just don't need the bad mojo.


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## Applepies

Just have to say your user name cracked me up. Wish I had thought of it.

Good luck and sounds like you are doing all the right things.


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## F-102

Find a new tennis venue.


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## MEM2020

You are clearly mis-named. You handled this very well. I DEFINITELY believe she was testing you and believe that you threatening the whole M over this was exactly the right response. She needs to apologize for even asking - totally over the top request on her part. Also - and I am not sadistic by nature - I believe letting her sweat for a while over this was a good move. 

She is not truly remorseful if she is asking you to do this.




schmuck said:


> She is not going to go to that facility to play tennis any time in the near future. She gets it. Since the conversation brought back all the bad thoughts, she was worried that i was going to bail on the R and M. I have yet to really allay her fears, due to us not having a chance to really chat. Probably tonight. I do play Tennis socially as I have a problem with my shoulder.
> 
> She is going to sign us up for mixed doubles in the future, but I will not ever play at that facility. Just don't need the bad mojo.


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## schmuck

Follow up: I come up late. She is normally sound asleep and she is awake , which led to some sex and as we are finnishing she starts balling. Was worried that I was going to leave her etc. Apologized again for everything and just wanted to hold on to me. It was weird and super vulnerable for her, rarely happens. Since it was late I just shut my mouth and let her cry it out. She really did not want to discuss it the next day, so I just took it as it was. So, I am back to hopeful that we continue on the road to recovery. Hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving! !!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy

Its kind of wierd how, out of no were, they just bring it up, even 10 months later ( for me).
I did the same, I just shut up and rode it out. 
Back in the day it was me that brought up her A, now lately she has brought it up the last two times.

Man I hate this grap:-(


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## rome2012

schmuck said:


> Follow up: I come up late. She is normally sound asleep and she is awake , which led to some sex and as we are finnishing she starts balling. Was worried that I was going to leave her etc. Apologized again for everything and just wanted to hold on to me. It was weird and super vulnerable for her, rarely happens. Since it was late I just shut my mouth and let her cry it out. She really did not want to discuss it the next day, so I just took it as it was. So, I am back to hopeful that we continue on the road to recovery. Hope everyone has a good Thanksgiving! !!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope it works out for you....I really truly do !!!!!

I've had the same experience with my husband before....the holding, the sex, the crying, the not wanting to talk about it......so far divorce is not off the table  .....

But I really hope for you it's going to be more obvious and going towards reconciliation !!!!!!


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## schmuck

Doing well with the holiday malaze. Wife and I are still talking and doing good. She is making chocolates while I post. Not exactly romantic, but good. All good. Hope everyone is surviving the fun.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## schmuck

Thought I would update all. We are progressing, lots of bumps along the way. Those who have been married a long time understand its never just one thing. There are times you just want to check out and start over. Other times totally into the marriage. My advice is to tell each other how you feel always. It might not be rational, but its how you feel. We can all make better decisions when we know where we are. 

I hope everyone gets to a happy place.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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