# Is asking for a new bed ridiculous?



## bbydede (Aug 26, 2014)

So while we were dating I moved out and broke up with him... He got depressed and literally fell into the arms of a married *****. The affair started in his house in our bedroom in his grandfathers old antique bed. Now we are married and I forgive him each day but I hate adultery. Having sex is hard enough but I hate doing it in this bed. I feel like it's tainted. Every damn squeak reminds me of the gross affair with this ***** who had 5 kids and a husband waiting at home. Is it too much to want a new bed?


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## Jung_admirer (Jun 26, 2013)

bbydede said:


> So while we were dating I moved out and broke up with him... He got depressed and literally fell into the arms of a married *****. The affair started in his house in our bedroom in his grandfathers old antique bed. Now we are married and I forgive him each day but I hate adultery. Having sex is hard enough but I hate doing it in this bed. I feel like it's tainted. Every damn squeak reminds me of the gross affair with this ***** who had 5 kids and a husband waiting at home. Is it too much to want a new bed?


After you deal with the resentment you still harbor, maybe then you can discuss a change in the bedroom furniture.

Is the real question: Is it too much to expect an untainted partner?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Even without past cheating or issues I always replace the bed. Just seems off to me to keep a bed from a past relationship let alone affair.

And yeah you are no where near being in a good place with the cheating, that needs to be fixed or the marriage will never thrive.


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## Unsure82 (Jan 13, 2015)

I can understand where you're coming from, but while changing the bed will perhaps take the physical reminder of his cheating away, it won't take away the feelings of resentement that (you understandably) still have.

Personally, I don't think I'd insist of the bed being changed because the bed is just a bed, it's what he did in it is what you have a problem with. 

I do however, understand your feelings about it and if it is 'easy' (financially etc) to change the bed, it shouldn't be an issue if it's something that would help you make the first step to really forgiving and 'forgetting'.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

No. I think it is not ridiculous. If you have the money I would ask for a new bed for a fresh start.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

While this is a 100% reasonable request, It won't solve the problem.
MN


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

The bed change is a good idea.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

She broke up with him. They were no longer in a relationship. He wasn't cheating. 

Get a new bed.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Holland said:


> Even without past cheating or issues I always replace the bed.


This could get expensive.....


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> She broke up with him. They were no longer in a relationship. He wasn't cheating.
> 
> Get a new bed.



I will go with this. But only if the bed can be afforded. BTW? Why did you marry him if he had an affair with a married woman, and it being a problem for you? Are you resenting him for your decision to marry him? I think there is more to this than merely replacing the bed.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

So long as you are willing to pay for it no big deal.

You weren't together at the time so it wasn't cheating on you. Yes he was involved in an affiar and I wonder what you see in the guy but your call if you want to be with him.

I have had the occasional GF say someting similar to ...you have had a lot or women in that bed so you need a new one. Great bring your CC and we can go shopping for one this weekend. Course the follow through is never there but the point is made 

You mentioned antique bed. So if you get a new one be respectful that he won't throw it away. Put it in a spare room or storage for the day you have a spare room.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

bbydede said:


> So while we were dating I moved out and broke up with him... He got depressed and literally fell into the arms of a married *****. The affair started in his house in our bedroom in his grandfathers old antique bed. Now we are married and I forgive him each day but I hate adultery. Having sex is hard enough but I hate doing it in this bed. I feel like it's tainted. Every damn squeak reminds me of the gross affair with this ***** who had 5 kids and a husband waiting at home. Is it too much to want a new bed?


You broke up with him.

How is any of this cheating? if you break things off, you assume the other person is free to do what he pleases.

I think this is your mistake #1.

Accept the action you and your husband took. Also forget about the lady, who she is, her life/family etc. It's NONE of your concern.

I think you are being ridicules for labeling this situation as cheating or affair. First recognize it and accept it for what it was. It was a fling he had After you broke up with him.

As far as the bed, that's the LEAST of your concerns. And Yes I think its' ridicules for you to want a new one, but if you do want it, get your money and buy it by all means!!!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I agree with others. You broke up with him; he wasn't cheating. 

But replace the creepy old bed anyway.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

bbydede said:


> Is it too much to want a new bed?


As long as he washed (for the most part) the semen stains off the mattress I don't see what the problem is.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Its probably has a newer mattress not a yucky old one, I think Op just means replace the whole bed, mattress, frame and all, because of the idea of him having sex or cheating in it.

OP would you be offended if he would have just had sex with a single woman? Would you be ok with that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

bbydede said:


> So while we were dating I moved out and broke up with him... He got depressed and literally fell into the arms of a married *****. The affair started in his house in our bedroom in his grandfathers old antique bed. Now we are married and I forgive him each day but I hate adultery. Having sex is hard enough but I hate doing it in this bed. I feel like it's tainted. Every damn squeak reminds me of the gross affair with this ***** who had 5 kids and a husband waiting at home. Is it too much to want a new bed?


You broke up with him and moved out, he didn't cheat.

You knew about this and then got married anyway. If the fact that he was with someone who committed adultery was a problem for you then you should have postponed or cancelled the wedding. You can't marry someone and then be angry at them afterwards for something they did in their past that you already knew about. 

There is nothing he can do to change this now and in my book he doesn't even owe you an explanation let alone an apology.

The bed itself is pretty irrelevant here, although if it creaks and you want a non creaking bed then go get a new one. Don't make him throw out a family momento, although if it's the original mattress then a new one might be in order. 

I'll hazard a guess that this bed has had more than that one couple having sex in it, one of his parents was probably conceived and possibly even born in that bed.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Decorum said:


> Its probably has a newer mattress not a yucky old one, I think Op just means replace the whole bed, mattress, frame and all, because of the idea of him having sex or cheating in it.
> 
> OP would you be offended if he would have just had sex with a single woman? Would you be ok with that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

He didn't technically cheat on you, since you broke up, but he did sleep with a married woman. I have to ask though, why did you marry him after that? Obviously you don't like what he did, so why did you get back together? 

Getting rid of the bed might take away that physical reminder, but you still have to deal with the anger and resentment you have.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I see this as two separate issues...
First he did not cheat on you, if you have an issue with his character in sleeping with a married woman that is one thing but that has nothing to do with HIS bed (not yours, not ours)...but you still married him. 
if you want a new bed to start both your lives together then do so on bases, move the current bed to another room. more people have spelt on bed besides you and him, and other woman before you. i would suggest you both go shopping and you pay for half of it .


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