# Dating my wife and Grandparents/babysitter



## melynthos (Jan 8, 2016)

Our son is now 5 months old and I'm getting to the point where I really want a night out with my wife on a regular basis. My wife has been rather nervous about finding a baby sitter, her parents are 60 an 70. I figured one night a week shouldn't be to hard. However there seems to be lots of concern about that. I get the feeling my wife just doesn't want to leave the baby and isn't very stressed about having a night out. In my mind its not doing wonders on our sex life. So two questions

1) How old was your baby before you regularly dated your spouse?
2) Do you usually have the grandparents baby sit, or you get a sitter. Was this a big sticking point?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

melynthos said:


> 1) How old was your baby before you regularly dated your spouse?


Is your wife still breastfeeding? That is a big factor in ease of resuming date nights. No reason why she can't pump and store it though.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Are her parents health? Can they lift and change a baby?

Maybe, leave the baby for a few hours and then after the date, bring the baby home.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*At their age, I'd be greatly concerned about the grandparents physical ability and health factors to care for an infant, even short-term!

Why not get references and hire an experienced baby-sitter who can come to your home for several hours?*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *At their age, I'd be greatly concerned about the grandparents physical ability and health factors to care for an infant, even short-term!*


arb.... really?

At age 60, most people are still working! Do you really think they can't handle feeding a bottle and a few diaper changes?? Heck, many folks today at age 60 and 70 are spring chickens!


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

You don't need a babysitter to have sex. Just do it when your baby is sleeping. We don't live near family and we were not comfortable with strangers watching our children. I wouldn't have left our 5 month old with anyone as I was breast feeding and needed to feed every couple of hours. If we had lived near family I would have been fine leaving our children with Grandparents/Aunts/Uncles when our children were done breast feeding.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

happy as a clam said:


> arb.... really?
> 
> At age 60, most people are still working! Do you really think they can't handle feeding a bottle and a few diaper changes?? Heck, many folks today at age 60 and 70 are spring chickens!


*Clam: There's some, even in the 60's age frame I've seen locally that you greatly have to wonder if their next step is going to be into the proverbial grave!

Hell, and I know for a fact that I ain't exactly all that far behind them! *
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

melynthos said:


> Our son is now 5 months old and I'm getting to the point where I really want a night out with my wife on a regular basis. My wife has been rather nervous about finding a baby sitter, her parents are 60 an 70. I figured one night a week shouldn't be to hard. However there seems to be lots of concern about that. I get the feeling my wife just doesn't want to leave the baby and isn't very stressed about having a night out. In my mind its not doing wonders on our sex life. So two questions
> 
> 1) How old was your baby before you regularly dated your spouse?
> 2) Do you usually have the grandparents baby sit, or you get a sitter. Was this a big sticking point?


This was a big problem for us to, her parents were up in years and weren't up to sitting very often and she wouldn't trust anyone else with them. I think this later became an excuse not to have to go out. She finally came around but it was well after our oldest was a year old.


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## giddiot (Jun 28, 2015)

I can tell you from firsthand experience that tending to a six month old at 61 has about pushed my wife over the edge. It's a lot harder when your older. We're watching both grandkids this weekend. Sleep is a luxury. . But oh they are so precious.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

I thought from the thread title that you wanted to go out with both your wife and the girl who babysits for your grandparents.


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## melynthos (Jan 8, 2016)

No breastfeeding. The grandparents are still capable, however they act like they don't know how to handle a child. Cause they had nannies raising my wife and her brother. At 6 months he has a lot of energy so I can imagine thats scary. I noticed a few posts saying just have sex during the day, yeah we do that. However it feels weird never having a date. How long did other posters wait till they had proper romantic outings with their spouse?


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

melynthos said:


> No breastfeeding. The grandparents are still capable, however they act like they don't know how to handle a child. Cause they had nannies raising my wife and her brother. At 6 months he has a lot of energy so I can imagine thats scary. I noticed a few posts saying just have sex during the day, yeah we do that. However it feels weird never having a date. How long did other posters wait till they had proper romantic outings with their spouse?


My kids are teenagers, so I can't even remember that far back. We had able bodied grandparents to care for them (my ex's parents were young). 

My mom was in her late sixties when my niece and nephew were born, and my sis did not like leaving the babies with her all that often. She makes careless mistakes and did a horrible job with the diapers, leading to rashes. 

It really all depends on how capable you think the grandparents are, but it sounds like maybe you should find a reliable younger sitter. Are you thinking just date nights and not overnights? It's perfectly reasonable to want this, and many wives would love it if their husbands made this effort!


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## melynthos (Jan 8, 2016)

Ideally overnights, but that means need some really trustworthy babbysitter. How did others find theirs? I was thinking maybe at a local college or something


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

melynthos said:


> Ideally overnights, but that means need some really trustworthy babbysitter. How did others find theirs? I was thinking maybe at a local college or something


Do you happen to know any college professors? They often have good recommendations. 

There are also websites for this sort of thing. I can't remember the name, but I remember looking at one when I was looking for a summer sitter years ago. They are all vetted.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

melynthos said:


> Ideally overnights, but that means need some really trustworthy babbysitter. How did others find theirs? I was thinking maybe at a local college or something


I didn't do an overnight "date" with my husband until my son was 18 months old. I would never leave him before that, as he was just too young. Even at 18 months old, he didn't completely understand that we were going away for just a night and coming back. I sometimes think he was too young for us to do that, as he became my little magnet to me for the next week after that night away(afraid I would leave again).

We started going out on 'dates' when my son was around 7 months old. He was breastfed and didn't take a bottle(trust me, we tried). He was also a high needs baby and extremely attached to me. He would scream and cry when others tried to hold him, plus he had horrible separation anxiety. It wasn't always worth it to go out because then I'd 'pay for it' late with a very upset baby who always wanted to be near me. We mostly did at home date nights or just took our son along with us. 

There are a lot of factors that go into when a person can feel comfortable leaving their baby for a date. Much of it has to do with the baby's personality(how easy going they are), how they're fed, how confident the person is in the babysitter, financial situation, etc.


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

SecondTime'Round said:


> Do you happen to know any college professors? They often have good recommendations.
> 
> There are also websites for this sort of thing. I can't remember the name, but I remember looking at one when I was looking for a summer sitter years ago. They are all vetted.


care.com, sittercity.com, and definitely ask college professors! My colleagues often have to attend events in the evenings or late afternoons, and there is a network on a college campus where people refer babysitters. 

I think it is nice that you're trying, and if you get a babysitter for an evening out, and you're happy with that person, you can have the confidence that he or she could become a regular resource for you. College students make great babysitters because they enjoy the flexibility of having the occasional work and income, and when the kiddo goes to sleep they can study but remain alert and hear the baby. When I was an undergraduate, I did a LOT of babysitting for professors. Some of us were so good with the kids that we were in demand and the faculty competed for our time. 

Not too long ago I did an overnight baby sit with a colleague's child when and he his wife went to the hospital to have their second baby. 

You might also inquire at day care centers or pre-schools to see if any of the teachers baby sit on the side. When I stayed with my friend's daughter, we had one of the teachers at her Montessori school lined up for Plan B in case something happened that I couldn't make it.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

No way on earth, would I ever leave my child, whether they were 6 months or 6 years old with a stranger. I don't care how good the references are.

If we have no family to help, they come with us or we don't go.

That said, I am very protective of my relationship with my husband and I would get creative and have at home date nights. Even now, if I feel he's not spending enough time with me I'll be like "Excuse me, yes, you're a father but you're also a husband...get over here and gimme some attention!" rofl!


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