# Court Day Advice/Experiences



## TooNice

So, our court date is Friday. Barring any strange developments, this should be it. Kids are grown, finances are pretty basic. 

Unfortunately, every day that passes leaves me feeling more emotional and like I'm going to be sick. 

So, I turn to those who have been there. I'm not planning to take anyone with me. For whatever reason, I feel like I need to do this on my own. I do have my attorney (and my ex doesn't have one), so unless my ex brings someone -else- with him, I've got that going for me. I do have a dear friend who works near the courthouse. She's on standby if I need her. 

I took the day off from work, but I have no plans made. My sweet friends have been asking what I will need or want that day, and I simply do not know what to tell them. 

This whole thing is ripping my world out from under me. I know I deserve better, but I'm losing family and traditions, and all that could have/should have been. And he's still got all of the stuff that I lose. I'm working through that, but God, I feel alone. That said, I know this is for the best, I really do. But it doesn't make it easier. 

So... My TAM friends, talk to me. What are you glad you did or did not do the day of court? What do you wish you had done? What did you do that night or weekend? Did you "celebrate"? 

Any and all advice welcome.


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## one_strange_otter

If this is an uncontested divorce then in most cases you'll be in front of the judge all of five minutes. It's almost anti-climactic. That's in an uncontested divorce meaning you've signed a decree (which in turn means you've already agreed on paper officially thru the lawyer that the division of property, any child custody, support, etc) and there's nothing to argue in front of the judge over. If that's the case then you'll be on the docket with all the other cases that day. Some people have lawyers up there with them and others don't. 

For me it felt like being in church but the pastor was the judge and everyone was taking turns having private conversations with him/her. On my court day there was an adoption, probate case, something about a will and another probate case before we got called up there. The lawyer read through a script that the judge is accustomed to hearing. Basically you're swearing before the judge that 1) yes you agree to be divorced, 2) yes you agreed to everything in the decree ahead of time and 3) yes that is your signature on the form. if you disagree with anything then the judge will most likely not take the time to argue it then because disagreeing means "contesting" so now you get told to get on the regular docket with everyone else at a late date.

Basically, if you've both signed the decree, and you answer yes to everything the lawyer asks you then the judge won't even take the time to look at the papers and just signs the last page and you're done. My ex thought it was going to be like divorce court on tv. And it could be, but only if you're contesting something....which means you both haven't signed a decree.


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## Cooper

Unless there are some issues being contested the court appearance is over quickly. I think mine was less than 20 minutes, that was the end of a 20 year marriage, lots of assets, two kids that I was awarded custody of (I'm the dad), and two businesses. The trick is to have all issues settled before you get to court. 

Honestly all the worrying about it was so much worse than the court appearance, that was easy as can be. It's a huge trauma in your life but the court sees 10 divorces a day and it's routine for them. I am a worrier by nature and I spent weeks preparing and showed up to court with hundreds of pages of documents, that was all a waste of time, I never opened a single folder.

For me there was no celebrating afterward, it was just back to life as normal but with one less person to screw up my day. It may take a bit of time to gather yourself after divorce, even if you wanted it it's still a big deal. Once you unwind and get your feet back under you life can be a wonderful thing, just don't rush things.


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## TooNice

Thanks so much. I'm not so worried about the process part of it. I just want to be brave and show him he hasn't torn me down, even if it's not how I feel. I'll have my game face on.  

I expect it will be brief and yes, anticlimatic. It burns me a little that I walk away alone, and he will walk away to the OW. We don't get to hash out in court how horribly we were treated. Ha-maybe that would give us more closure, no? Maybe if the judge told my ex on record that he's a narcissistic tool, that would help me move along.

I kid. 

Anyway, I knew some of you who have been through it would have words of advice to share. So, thank you!


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## SamuraiJack

Make sure you have something in your stomach a half hour before hand and pop two aspirin. 
They will lower your blood pressure.

Be calm, almost aloof...wait for the gavel and hold it together like a BOSS!
100 steps to your car.
Drive home and stop at your favorite sandwhich shop on the way home.
Enter home.
Sandwich in fridge.

Goto living room. Sit on couch.
Ball until you simply cant do any more.
Repeat as needed.
Dry your tears.
Your ex is now that...your Ex.

The good news is there is a sandwhich in the fridge with YOUR name on it...

The Sun will come up tomorrow.
Promise.


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## arbitrator

*If everything is cut and dried with no contestible issues, you won't be in there 15 minutes!

And I'd plan on going out to dinner later that evening with either a relative or close friend!*


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## Holland

I am in Aussie so it may be different here. I asked my ex not to attend court as I needed to do it on my own. Like the others it was 5 minutes in front of the Judge, he simply asked a few questions about the kids welfare, if I had anything to add and that was it. Quite an anti climax.

I went into the city by myself on public transport and was planning on doing a heap of shopping afterwards to make a day of being alone in the city. In stead I got back on the tram, felt terribly ill with motion sickness and could not get off the tram soon enough. I went home, lay down and did nothing for the rest of the day. I was not as tough as I had expected to have been but took it easy on myself. I did not celebrate but just had some quiet time alone.

All the best to you, like SJ said, the sun will come up tomorrow.


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## TooNice

SamuraiJack said:


> Make sure you have something in your stomach a half hour before hand and pop two aspirin.
> They will lower your blood pressure.
> 
> Be calm, almost aloof...wait for the gavel and hold it together like a BOSS!
> 100 steps to your car.
> Drive home and stop at your favorite sandwhich shop on the way home.
> Enter home.
> Sandwich in fridge.
> 
> Goto living room. Sit on couch.
> Ball until you simply cant do any more.
> Repeat as needed.
> Dry your tears.
> Your ex is now that...your Ex.
> 
> The good news is there is a sandwhich in the fridge with YOUR name on it...
> 
> The Sun will come up tomorrow.
> Promise.


This is wonderful. Thank you.


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## daddymikey1975

TooNice said:


> Thanks so much. I'm not so worried about the process part of it. I just want to be brave and show him he hasn't torn me down, even if it's not how I feel. I'll have my game face on.
> 
> I expect it will be brief and yes, anticlimatic. It burns me a little that I walk away alone, and he will walk away to the OW. We don't get to hash out in court how horribly we were treated. Ha-maybe that would give us more closure, no? Maybe if the judge told my ex on record that he's a narcissistic tool, that would help me move along.
> 
> I kid.
> 
> Anyway, I knew some of you who have been through it would have words of advice to share. So, thank you!


Have a fwb to run to for some hit sex after. Then, continue with life one day at a time focusing on your happiness. This is one step out of many that will lead to brighter days for you. Don't dwell on what's "ending", instead keep your focus centered on "this divorce had to happen so I can make myself happy" it's the beginning of a new you, a new life for you, and new possibilities for you. It's all about you. To hell with him and the OW. he's her problem now and not yours. You should rejoice.


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## TooNice

daddymikey1975 said:


> Have a fwb to run to for some hit sex after. Then, continue with life one day at a time focusing on your happiness. This is one step out of many that will lead to brighter days for you. Don't dwell on what's "ending", instead keep your focus centered on "this divorce had to happen so I can make myself happy" it's the beginning of a new you, a new life for you, and new possibilities for you. It's all about you. To hell with him and the OW. he's her problem now and not yours. You should rejoice.


Haha-I'm not sure I can line up a fwb in time. 

I do know all of this, I really do. It's just taking a little time to grieve over the things I'm losing that did bring me happiness (his family, our family, his daughter...) I know in a year or two things will be so different. Just hard to look him in the eye right now and know that the only thing in his life that's changed is that I'm not in it.


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## SamuraiJack

TooNice said:


> Haha-I'm not sure I can line up a fwb in time.
> 
> I do know all of this, I really do. It's just taking a little time to grieve over the things I'm losing that did bring me happiness (his family, our family, his daughter...) I know in a year or two things will be so different. Just hard to look him in the eye right now and know that the only thing in his life that's changed is that I'm not in it.


Oh...I wouldnt be too sure about that. 

These wonderful "landing romances" tend to break up sort of suddenly after the haze clears and the other can see thm for what they are.

Give it time and have popcorn ready for when the show starts.


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## woundedwarrior

Mine was also an uncontested dissolution and it was only about 15 minutes long. For me, the hardest part was just prior to going into the courtroom. My soon to be ex and I were sitting in the hallway, outside of the room for about 20 minutes and we didn't speak a word to each other. That was the time that 8 years worth of emotions, good and bad ramrodded through my mind and it was sad, but turned resentful in a hurry.
When we were called in, we answered the questions, signed off and were done. I left the room at a quick pace and didn't even look back at her. She had told her sister later that she was upset that I acted that way, she thought we would grab lunch, I swear I'm not kidding.
I spent the evening with friends and although it was a very emotional day, each day after got better, the weight was lifted.


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## TheGoodGuy

Same story here. After she got caught and moved out, I filed and never looked back. She signed the agreements and wasn't even required to be in the court room. I was only in the courtroom for 30 minutes or so, and most of that was just waiting. 5 minutes in front of the judge was all it took and I was once again a single man. 

I remember walking back to my car thinking, "shouldn't I be sad and crying?" I was a little sad but I wasn't emotional like I thought I'd be. I think I went back to work that afternoon with paperwork in hand so that I could give it to my HR department to start changing all of my benefits, etc and generally had an OK day. 

Like others have said, the weeks/days/hours leading up to it are the worst part. After that you might be numb for a while.


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## Jellybeans

TooNice said:


> I'm not planning to take anyone with me. For whatever reason, I feel like I need to do this on my own.


I didn't take anyone with me either for this very reason (aside from my attorney being there). I am glad I didn't either. My ex took his cousin as witness.



TooNice said:


> What are you glad you did or did not do the day of court? What do you wish you had done? What did you do that night or weekend? Did you "celebrate"?
> 
> Any and all advice welcome.


I honestly wouldn't have changed a thing about the day: I showed up looking flawless, in a pencil skirt and silk blouse and pumps, hair all pretty. I didn't take the day off work so afterwards I just went to work. Didn't celebrate either though some friends offered to buy me a drink. I didn't feel it was cause for "celebration" and just wanted to be at home alone. So that's what I did. 

DO YOU. Whatever you want to do that day, DO IT. You will get through this. This marks the end of a chapter in your ife and the cool thing is that a brand new one will start as soon as you leave the courthouse that day.

New beginnings...


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## Hoosier

I didn't even go to court that day. As we had agreeded on everything, (she wanted a tenth of what she could of received, so I just agreed to everything she said....length of divorce proceeding.....82 days) but if I were you I would dress to the nines! Also I did not feel like celebrating either, as the end of a 30 year marriage is nothing to be glad for. I did however immediately send her a $75 bouquet of flowers to her at the OM home where she was staying with a card "Thank you for 30 years 2 months and 19 days of your life. Looking forward to the next 30 for both of use to be happy." I didn't mean it at all, I only wanted her, but I was never going to tell her that. Now 3 years later, I am so glad for my alone time, don't miss her negativity and rejection at all. 
Just do you as Jelly suggested. so sorry for this pain, but it will pass.


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## SamuraiJack

What ever you do, DONT engage him in conversation afterwards.
He walked...so you do too.

...and dont look back now matter how much you want to.


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## TooNice

You guys are awesome. Thank you for all of this. 

It wouldn't surprise me if he invites me to lunch after... That's not happening. I will be friendly with him one day, but I don't want to right now, and that is my right. I've got that much down. 

I think the most helpful from all of your comments is to know that the anticipation is the worst part. It sounds like the event itself is not a big deal, nor does it need to be. That helps.


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## Jellybeans

Hoosier said:


> I didn't even go to court that day.


Maaan, I WISHED so bad that I didn't have to go. I was gonna let him go all by his lonesome, but my state requires it.



Hoosier said:


> I did however immediately send her a $75 bouquet of flowers to her at the OM home where she was staying with a card "Thank you for 30 years 2 months and 19 days of your life. Looking forward to the next 30 for both of use to be happy."


I like this . 



Hoosier said:


> Now 3 years later, *I am so glad for my alone time*, don't miss her negativity and rejection at all.


I sooooooooooooooooooooooo know what you mean. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my alone time.  



SamuraiJack said:


> What ever you do, DONT engage him in conversation afterwards.
> He walked...so you do too.
> 
> ...and dont look back now matter how much you want to.


YES! :iagree:


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## barcodelabelhere

I'm a lawyer, but not a family law lawyer. I've been in court during enough family law proceedings to know the drill, though.

Other than the wonderful advice everyone else has provided, I would say this: get to court a bit early, if you haven't been to the courthouse before. Just early enough to figure out the layout and where the exits are so that you're comfortable in your surroundings. When it's over, you'll be able to walk out, head held high, with confidence, because you know the building.

Plus if you get there first, you've established ownership of your bench and your space in the courtroom.


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## TooNice

Jellybeans said:


> Didn't celebrate either though some friends offered to buy me a drink. I didn't feel it was cause for "celebration" and just wanted to be at home alone. So that's what I did.


I very much agree with this. Friends have shared stories of divorce parties and freedom parties and the like. That's simply not how I feel. I'm sad that it has to be this way. I'm disappointed that I understand so clearly that it is the right thing. I can look forward and know that the end marks a new beginning, but it's a quiet beginning, in my eyes. 

I give you credit for wanting to be home alone that first night...I'm not sure I am there yet, but I know I won't be shouting it from the rooftops, either.


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## lonelyhusband321

This is REALLY going to sound hokie, OP.

For the "final" appearance, I simply got up an hour and a half early, turned the cable channel to some old "soft rock" and simply sat and pondered what had transpired in my (our) life.

That time took me through the whole gamut - from blissful times to agonizing ones, and I let every little thought have it's own time - no matter how long it chose to dwell.

At the end of it all, I discovered that it REALLY was time, and that I (we) were doing what HAD to be done. Didn't make it easier, but it sure helped me escape the nagging questions...

See? I told you it would sound hokie...


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## Jellybeans

TooNice said:


> I give you credit for wanting to be home alone that first night...I'm not sure I am there yet, but I know I won't be shouting it from the rooftops, either.


I stayed home a LOT post-separation and it took me a very long time to feel like I was hitting my stride/feeling positive again. 

I agree with barcode that you should be really confident that day.

Never let them see you sweat! Hold your head high.


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## TooNice

lonelyhusband321 said:


> This is REALLY going to sound hokie, OP.
> 
> For the "final" appearance, I simply got up an hour and a half early, turned the cable channel to some old "soft rock" and simply sat and pondered what had transpired in my (our) life.
> 
> That time took me through the whole gamut - from blissful times to agonizing ones, and I let every little thought have it's own time - no matter how long it chose to dwell.
> 
> At the end of it all, I discovered that it REALLY was time, and that I (we) were doing what HAD to be done. Didn't make it easier, but it sure helped me escape the nagging questions...
> 
> See? I told you it would sound hokie...


Not hokie in the least. I think this is beautiful and pays respect to what brought us to our marriage and kept us there to begin with.


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## TooNice

Jellybeans said:


> I stayed home a LOT post-separation and it took me a very long time to feel like I was hitting my stride/feeling positive again.
> 
> I agree with barcode that you should be really confident that day.
> 
> Never let them see you sweat! Hold your head high.


Prepping my game face. :bringiton:


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## Q tip

Hi. Just relax and pay attention. No problems if you didn't hear or understand a question The judge has no problems repeating something if you ask. Heck, he may even go to the same church you do.


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## Jellybeans

Nigella Lawson walking into court to give evidence is Divorce Courtroom Game Face Etiquette 101:


Click on the video:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukn...724.ece#ooid=Z0eDI0aTo8gl02TnY5Ot3tyFMtQyibMz


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## Pluto2

In my state we didn't have to got to court for uncontested divorce. We just had to wait until the judge signed the order, which seemed to take forever.
I got the call from my attorney that it had been signed and because I am basically a good person I texted the now ex to tell him. His reply was "MEH" I had to ask my teen what that meant.

That evening some friends took me to a winery and we listened to music and drank some lovely Viognier. It wasn't a celebration as much as acknowledgement that I made it through, and life keeps going on.


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## Jellybeans

Pluto2 said:


> I got the call from my attorney that it had been signed and because I am basically a good person I texted the now ex to tell him. His reply was "MEH" I had to ask my teen what that meant.


:rofl:

This is so cute/funny.


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## Rowan

As a personal favor to a friend of mine, the judge who caught our divorce when it was submitted to the court waived the final hearing. He simply held the paperwork on his desk for the 30-day mandatory waiting period. On day 31, he called my attorney and asked if there were any further motions. Since there were none, he simply signed the decree and it was final. I was really grateful that we didn't have to do the court appearance, although I know it's a quick and fairly anticlimactic process. My attorney called to let me know, then mailed each of us a copy of the signed and filed divorce. 

We were busy moving my stuff into my new house when we got the paperwork in the mail. We both just put it aside until we finished for the day, then sat and had a glass of bourbon together and ate supper with our son. That was the last night we spend in the same house. The next day, I was a divorced lady living in her own home. It was, honestly, a little surreal.


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## lenzi

I lost count of the number of court appearances I made during the 3 years of my highly contested divorce which ended with a 3 day trial.

The first few appearances were highly stressful, I even had a few xanax handy and made good use of them.

After a while you get used to it.

In your case.. an uncontested divorce with only one appearance required? The worst part is waiting to get in there. 

It will be over and done before you know it. Be glad that you don't have to go the other route. It's not pretty.


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## TheGoodGuy

lenzi said:


> I lost count of the number of court appearances I made during the 3 years of my highly contested divorce which ended with a 3 day trial.
> 
> The first few appearances were highly stressful, I even had a few xanax handy and made good use of them.
> 
> After a while you get used to it.
> 
> In your case.. an uncontested divorce with only one appearance required? The worst part is waiting to get in there.
> 
> It will be over and done before you know it. Be glad that you don't have to go the other route. It's not pretty.


If I'm honest, I probably agreed to give my ex far more than her lying cheating ass deserved, just so that I didn't have to go through a long drawn out court procedure. That said I'm happy with that decision, no regrets.

Sorry you had to go through that.


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## EnjoliWoman

Let us know how it went and how you are doing once you feel like it.


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## honcho

lenzi said:


> I lost count of the number of court appearances I made during the 3 years of my highly contested divorce which ended with a 3 day trial.
> 
> The first few appearances were highly stressful, I even had a few xanax handy and made good use of them.
> 
> After a while you get used to it.
> 
> In your case.. an uncontested divorce with only one appearance required? The worst part is waiting to get in there.
> 
> It will be over and done before you know it. Be glad that you don't have to go the other route. It's not pretty.


I think one more court appearance and they will give me my own parking spot at the court house.  Over the last two years I have found that every single appearance has been more like "performance art" by lawyers and judges than getting divorced. 

Ive found the most stressful part of the whole exercise has been the clockwatching and waiting for the dates far more than the actual appearance. If its uncontested it will be over in a blink of an eye and all anti-climatic.


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## TooNice

EnjoliWoman said:


> Let us know how it went and how you are doing once you feel like it.


Thanks, I will definitely do that. I'll be shocked if I can make it through without crying, but I do feel like I will have strength. It's just a step closer to me heading toward what I am worthy of having.


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## TooNice

honcho said:


> I think one more court appearance and they will give me my own parking spot at the court house.  Over the last two years I have found that every single appearance has been more like "performance art" by lawyers and judges than getting divorced.
> 
> Ive found the most stressful part of the whole exercise has been the clockwatching and waiting for the dates far more than the actual appearance. If its uncontested it will be over in a blink of an eye and all anti-climatic.


I'm sorry for those of you who have had to drag it out. I read your stories and see $$$$$$. One good thing I know...even if I don't want this, I know I can't change it. He wants out, so I expect no surprises tomorrow. We should be one of those 20 minute, boring and routine cases. While sad, I do expect it to be efficient. And within my lawyer's retainer!


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## lonelyhusband321

TooNice said:


> I'm sorry for those of you who have had to drag it out. I read your stories and see $$$$$$. One good thing I know...even if I don't want this, I know I can't change it. He wants out, so I expect no surprises tomorrow. We should be one of those 20 minute, boring and routine cases. While sad, I do expect it to be efficient. And within my lawyer's retainer!


Good luck tomorrow!!

Another "good luck" on it staying within your lawyer's retainer! It seemed to me that $2500.00 went away after a few phone calls....


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## TooNice

It's over. It was quick and I was very strong. I even said no when he just wanted a hug when we parted. 

I'm glad it's done.


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## Jellybeans

Welcome to the other side, TooNice!

I want to be the first to greet you with some cookies:









One door closes, and a new chapter begins. 

Did you go in there all Nigella Lawson-style?


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## EnjoliWoman

Good to hear.


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## TheGoodGuy

TooNice said:


> It's over. It was quick and I was very strong. *I even said no when he just wanted a hug when we parted. *
> I'm glad it's done.


Attagirl.


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## SamuraiJack

TooNice said:


> It's over. It was quick and I was very strong. I even said no when he just wanted a hug when we parted.
> 
> I'm glad it's done.


You are an oak.

Good for you.

Im sorry that you have to become a member of this club, but it looks like your name was drawn.

Dont give him any satisfaction.
I want you to go out there and realize that you now have the opportunity to create a brand new, customized life for yourself.
You may like it so much that you will eventually feel greatful to him for leaving.

But dont tell him that....

BTW...Meetings are every Wednesday night.
You'll get your hat and t-shirt on the first meeting and we will teach you the secret handshake.
You'll get your membership card 4-6 weeks after you join.

Welcome to the club!


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## TooNice

SamuraiJack said:


> You are an oak.
> 
> Good for you.
> 
> Im sorry that you have to become a member of this club, but it looks like your name was drawn.
> 
> Dont give him any satisfaction.
> I want you to go out there and realize that you now have the opportunity to create a brand new, customized life for yourself.
> You may like it so much that you will eventually feel greatful to him for leaving.
> 
> But dont tell him that....
> 
> BTW...Meetings are every Wednesday night.
> You'll get your hat and t-shirt on the first meeting and we will teach you the secret handshake.
> You'll get your membership card 4-6 weeks after you join.
> 
> Welcome to the club!


Awesome. I -love- secret handshakes!


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## daddymikey1975

SamuraiJack said:


> You are an oak.
> 
> Good for you.
> 
> Im sorry that you have to become a member of this club, but it looks like your name was drawn.
> 
> Dont give him any satisfaction.
> I want you to go out there and realize that you now have the opportunity to create a brand new, customized life for yourself.
> You may like it so much that you will eventually feel greatful to him for leaving.
> 
> But dont tell him that....
> 
> BTW...Meetings are every Wednesday night.
> You'll get your hat and t-shirt on the first meeting and we will teach you the secret handshake.
> You'll get your membership card 4-6 weeks after you join.
> 
> Welcome to the club!


Wait, I was never introduced to the 'shake... Lol


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## TooNice

daddymikey1975 said:


> Wait, I was never introduced to the 'shake... Lol


Did you at least get some cookies?


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## Jellybeans

SamuraiJack said:


> Im sorry that you have to become a member of this club, but it looks like your name was drawn.
> 
> 
> I want you to go out there and realize that you now have the opportunity to create a brand new, customized life for yourself.
> You may like it so much that you will eventually feel greatful to him for leaving.


LOVE this.  :smthumbup:


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## daddymikey1975

TooNice said:


> Did you at least get some cookies?


Nope. None of them either. I'm beginning to feel neglected lol


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## TooNice

daddymikey1975 said:


> Nope. None of them either. I'm beginning to feel neglected lol


I make really good cookies. I'll get right on that.


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## Hopeful Cynic

TooNice said:


> I even said no when he just wanted a hug when we parted.


My ex, as we parted ways from the marriage counselling session at which we decided the marriage was over, said "I guess this is it. How about one last kiss?"

Some people are just completely clueless about what's appropriate or not, and the damage they leave in their wake.


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## TooNice

Hopeful Cynic said:


> My ex, as we parted ways from the marriage counselling session at which we decided the marriage was over, said "I guess this is it. How about one last kiss?"
> 
> Some people are just completely clueless about what's appropriate or not, and the damage they leave in their wake.


Wow. This is so true. In my case, I can finally recognize that he wants to end on a warm and fuzzy note so that HE can feel like every thing is ok. Moments like that are to make him feel better. It's terribly out of character for me, but I'm kind of ok with him feeling crappy.


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## Cooper

Hopeful Cynic said:


> My ex, as we parted ways from the marriage counselling session at which we decided the marriage was over, said "I guess this is it. How about one last kiss?"
> 
> Some people are just completely clueless about what's appropriate or not, and the damage they leave in their wake.



My ex nailed me with a hug as we walked out of the courtroom, she just kind of grabbed me and thanked me for 20 years of marriage, I just stood there like a statue, I was simply speechless, and that doesn't happen often. I was actually kind of repulsed by her at that point, last thing in the world I wanted to do was hug her!


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## daddymikey1975

Cooper said:


> My ex nailed me with a hug as we walked out of the courtroom, she just kind of grabbed me and thanked me for 20 years of marriage, I just stood there like a statue, I was simply speechless, and that doesn't happen often. I was actually kind of repulsed by her at that point, last thing in the world I wanted to do was hug her!


Should have throat punched her. 

I kid! Lol 

I always kept interactions as brief as possible. No eye contact and definitely no physical contact.


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## stillhoping

I am glad to hear your court date went well. Goodness knows it was the worst day of my life. I had my sister accompany me, asked the attorney if we had to be in the court room at the same time. He told my exH what I said so he at least had the grace not to even look at me as I sobbed on the stand. My sister took me to the beach, where I cried and then began the new life. I didn't have to hear from him for several months after that date, thank goodness


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## lonelyhusband321

WELCOME, TooNice.

Things will be fine....just fine.


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## Jellybeans

Hopeful Cynic said:


> My ex, as we parted ways from the marriage counselling session at which we decided the marriage was over, said "I guess this is it. How about one last kiss?"
> 
> Some people are just completely clueless about what's appropriate or not, and the damage they leave in their wake.


My ex invited me on a trip overseas to the place we were married...the same week as our divorce. True story.

Can't make this stuff up.


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## TooNice

Jellybeans said:


> My ex invited me on a trip overseas to the place we were married...the same week as our divorce. True story.
> 
> Can't make this stuff up.


Wow. Just... wow.

You're right, you can't make that stuff up. 

Wait, was he paying? :rofl:


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## Rowan

Jellybeans said:


> My ex invited me on a trip overseas to the place we were married...the same week as our divorce. True story.
> 
> Can't make this stuff up.


:slap:

Dang, and I thought _my_ ex-husband was clueless......


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## arbitrator

stillhoping said:


> My sister took me to the beach, where I cried and then began the new life.


*I did the beach thing also! 

My first marriage ended in a divorce hearing on a rather hot, sultry October Wednesday afternoon in Galveston County, Texas.

Upon departing the Court House that day, my XW and her attorney went their way, and I went another. I got in my car and on a whim, drove the two miles South down to the beach, parked my car along the Seawall, took off my shoes, tie, and suit jacket, and walked for 3-4 hours barefoot in the sand, greatly worrying about and mulling over the welfare of my boys, whom my XW had just been awarded primary conservatorship over!

Om D hearing No. 2, I simply got in the truck and drove back home which was located a county over, feeling totally depressed!*


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## Jellybeans

TooNice said:


> Wow. Just... wow.
> 
> You're right, you can't make that stuff up.
> 
> Wait, was he paying? :rofl:


Yep.


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## SamuraiJack

Jellybeans said:


> My ex invited me on a trip overseas to the place we were married...the same week as our divorce. True story.
> 
> Can't make this stuff up.


This sounds like the marital equivalent of when a two year old covers up in a sheet and says "YOU CANT SEE MEEEEEE!!!!"

My ex kept wanting "to be friends"...."for the children"...'so we can role model a decent relationship for them."

I told her is we could do that then she wouldnt have divorced me...ah the screaming email I got later on just brought back so many memories. 

She just wanted to rationalize her exit with a "well it all worked out in the end...so it's all good."


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## EnjoliWoman

Fortunately in my area, I was not required to appear. My attorney filed the paperwork and the judge grants them as he/she has time. I was told which week it was going to be and I loved the symbolism. My attorney said my divorce was scheduled to be finalized the week of 7/4/05. Although the courts were closed that day, the fact it was Independence Day week was quite amusing and appropriate.


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## Rowan

My divorce was final the day before my birthday, so happy birthday to me! 


It was also the same week as our wedding anniversary. He sent me an anniversary card, then called and asked if I wanted to get together and have dinner. :wtf:


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## Jellybeans

EnjoliWoman said:


> the fact it was Independence Day week was quite amusing and appropriate.


Haha. Freedom! :smthumbup:


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## FrustratedFL

My divorce day was annoying.

My ex showed up (he never hired a lawyer). My lawyer and I had all papers drawn up since ex abandoned all legal matters and avoided all court motions which were many!

Old white southern judge came into courtroom and started talking about college football and small talk with my ex. Ex has a very gregarious personality and is liked instantly by everyone he meets. Of course, until they get to know him and realize he is a narcissist, selfish and a liar. 

Judge continues with small talk, asks my lawyer a few questions and then stops and asks why sole custody is being asked by me. My lawyer begins telling judge that ex was a no show and never responded to any court documents. He scolds MY lawyer and says abandonment does not equal losing custody. Now I am fuming. 

Judge asks ex if this is ok with HIM. My ex responds that he was not happy about it but played the victim card and told the judge he couldn't afford a lawyer and can't fight city hall.

I am LIVID. 

Judge now looks at me like I am a baby stealer and the biggest bI*ch then asks me to summarize why I should get sole custody. I was very composed and said, "your honor, one of the many affair partners that my ex had is a convicted felon in our county and has 4 DUIs on record. My ex is now living with this affair partner and I believe this is not the best living environment for my MINOR child". Also, his gambling problem has led to his major financial issues. 

Judge turned to my ex and told him to get his life in order and he would like ex to present a parental plan that we would agree on but until that happened, sole custody was granted to ME".

I am still waiting for that parental plan.... that will never happen. ex likes the victim role too much to actually work hard to get his child visitation. 

While we were walking out of courtroom, ex asked to go for a drink. Seriously, the last 5 years he did everything in his power to be mean, lie and push me away and now that he is free from me he wants to be friends and have a drink. I just turned and left. Cried in the car saying goodbye to my 17 yr marriage. The next day I went to Myrtle Beach for a girls vacation and had a BLAST!!


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## lonelyhusband321

FrustratedFL said:


> My divorce day was annoying.
> 
> My ex showed up (he never hired a lawyer). My lawyer and I had all papers drawn up since ex abandoned all legal matters and avoided all court motions which were many!
> 
> Old white southern judge came into courtroom and started talking about college football and small talk with my ex. Ex has a very gregarious personality and is liked instantly by everyone he meets. Of course, until they get to know him and realize he is a narcissist, selfish and a liar.
> 
> Judge continues with small talk, asks my lawyer a few questions and then stops and asks why sole custody is being asked by me. My lawyer begins telling judge that ex was a no show and never responded to any court documents. He scolds MY lawyer and says abandonment does not equal losing custody. Now I am fuming.
> 
> Judge asks ex if this is ok with HIM. My ex responds that he was not happy about it but played the victim card and told the judge he couldn't afford a lawyer and can't fight city hall.
> 
> I am LIVID.
> 
> Judge now looks at me like I am a baby stealer and the biggest bI*ch then asks me to summarize why I should get sole custody. I was very composed and said, "your honor, one of the many affair partners that my ex had is a convicted felon in our county and has 4 DUIs on record. My ex is now living with this affair partner and I believe this is not the best living environment for my MINOR child". Also, his gambling problem has led to his major financial issues.
> 
> Judge turned to my ex and told him to get his life in order and he would like ex to present a parental plan that we would agree on but until that happened, sole custody was granted to ME".
> 
> I am still waiting for that parental plan.... that will never happen. ex likes the victim role too much to actually work hard to get his child visitation.
> 
> While we were walking out of courtroom, ex asked to go for a drink. Seriously, the last 5 years he did everything in his power to be mean, lie and push me away and now that he is free from me he wants to be friends and have a drink. I just turned and left. Cried in the car saying goodbye to my 17 yr marriage. The next day I went to Myrtle Beach for a girls vacation and had a BLAST!!


You should've went for a drink with him. You could've picked up on the frst young hot guy you saw, and after that, you could've done the whole "television" thing and dumped a drink on his head...


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## EnjoliWoman

Ug that sounds somewhat like my ex - narcs can be so charming, can't they? Fortunately he tried to play the victim and during his little speech he insinuated my female roommate was my lover and his tone was quite judgmental about it. 

My attorney responded that my roommate was a financial arrangement only, although even if I were a lesbian, it wasn't a legal basis to reverse custody. Then she leaned over and whispered to me that the judge was a lesbian and we both chuckled at ex's HUGE faux pas!


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## Jellybeans

Haha. That is AWESOME, Enjo!


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