# Confront or monitor?



## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

My wife had an affair a little over a year ago. Since then we have been working on recovery. She quit her job, deactivated facebook, sent a no contact letter, agreed to transparency, etc etc.

Last week in going thru the browser history, I see that she searched on facebook either the wife or sister (same last name) of the guy she cheated with.

Questions: 1) can you search someone on facebook without having an account? 2) she claimed before that she didn't know anything about the guy's wife and I was unable to expose to her as a result, another lie? 3) should I confront my wife about this discovery and ask what's up, or lay low or continue to monitor?


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

She's protecting her affair partner. Definitely confront and expose.


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## Numb in Ohio (Oct 31, 2011)

I think I would monitor for a while and be able to have some "proof" before I'd confront. Install a keylogger on computer.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

baldmale said:


> Questions: 1) can you search someone on facebook without having an account?


I know you cannot search FB's database if you are not logged in, HOWEVER, I have searched people on the internet that have returned "hits" from FB. I believe I had to log into my FB account before I could view the person's profile but that may not be the case if the person's profile had of been public.



baldmale said:


> 2) she claimed before that she didn't know anything about the guy's wife and I was unable to expose to her as a result, another lie?


I don't know your wife and hesitate to call anyone a liar. I do have experience with people who are cheating and they tend to operate on a different sense of honesty than the rest of us. 

If you do find that it is the wife, please let that wife know.



baldmale said:


> 3) should I confront my wife about this discovery and ask what's up, or lay low or continue to monitor?


I vote for laying low for now and by all means invest in a keylogger. If you find that nothing else pops up in the next month or so then ask her about it. If something else pops up...that will guide the conversation I am sure.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Contact the OM's spouse immediately.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Keylogger and VARs.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Monitor


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## baldmale (Dec 29, 2010)

Well, I will continue to monitor at this point...

I created a FB page to message the person she searched for whom I believe to be the guy's wife...but I think her privacy settings won't allow messages from people not on her friend's list. She did have a relative on her list with same last name who I sent a brief message to saying that I was trying to reach so and so concerning info I want to share.

But now that I think of it...if these 2 women have the same last name then I guess the relationship could be sister instead of wife to the guy. Whatever, we'll see what response I get back. Or should I forget about exposure at this point? Deep down, I still think his wife deserves to know what a scumbag she married.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Monitor.
Gather more information, then engage with the knowledge and facts that will have the most effective confrontation.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You said that your wife had an affair a year ago. How long was the affair and did it get intimate? Did you contact the significant other of the OM? What were her reasons for engaging in this affair? What have been the consequences to her from this affair?


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