# Real life experience of an older woman/younger man relationship



## Maybe_it's_in_my_head (Oct 10, 2017)

Hi all,

New here but done some lerking here before...

I just wanted to take an opportunity to post my experience of being my wife who is older than I am by 9.5 years. I originally signed up for a different reason but we worked through that issue together. I think too many magazines/TV shows etc. set expectations about older woman/younger man (OW/WM) relationships.

Let me tell you about us! My wife is caring, sweet and very laid back. She loves animals (as do I, both life long veggies), old cars, rock and metal music and is my best friend. She is also quite lazy and not the most motivated. She's 38 and I'm 29. I'm 5 years dry alcoholic, motorcycle nut and work a stressful professional job. I can be too focused, stressed and a little controlling sometimes. We've been together for 5.5 years and married for 2.5 years.

I think the most important point I'd like to make is I don't believe our relationship is any different to a more 'normal' one (same age or male slightly older). More specifically:

- She didn't really teach me sex! If anything I'm the more adventurous and take the lead more often, although I do encourage her to share what she wants but she's quite conservative in that sense really. No we don't screw 24/7 like the mags suggest but we do have a great sex life.
- She's not financially independent. She has a full time job but we have to pool our resources to make ends meet like most couples this side of 50. I've got a professional job and she has one in retail but does it matter - nope.
- Life experience, we've both got our own and our joint experience - we talk and suggest things together but an older lady isn't going to always possess relevant life experience that is super useful to your current work/family/social situations. They help by being there for you but you still got to figure stuff out.

Any way I am sure there is more random stuff that appears on articles all over the web but I wonder how many other folks here are in OW/YM that get bored of reading/seeing/hearing the same silly ideas?

I think we are pretty normal. Any one else want to share their experience? I know when we started getting serious I asked myself the questions that you might think of in this situation but if I'm honest the web wasn't the most useful resource!

All the best,
MIIMH


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I have only know 2 married couples where the guy was several year older than the girl, and in both cases it was about 7 years. They both seemed happy. Sadly both ladies died and both men are now remarried. 

I think its when the age gap is really big(for both sexes) that for me its gets weird. Yours isn't that big really. Now had you met when you were 16 and she 26, that would have been more concerning. 

The marriages where famous women marry men far younger than themselves rarely seem to last, but you can have a mature 20 something year old and a very immature 30 something year old, so it depends on the two people involved.

Obviously in your case there is the children aspect. At 38, if you want children you haven't got time to waste.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Here's the problem, it may not become yours'.

When you are 56 and healthy, she will be near 66 and ready for social security.

All people age....
Most people age normal. At 66, she will look and act 66. Whereas, you may still be in your prime at 56.
You will want to do active things, she will want to sit and rest, watch TV.

You may want to continue an active sex life, she may not.

My point?
The issue is not now, but may become huge in the future.
Women marrying older men have these same concerns.

What you say you want 'today', may change 180 degrees in fifteen to twenty years.

I absolutely am not saying marriages like yours cannot work, they can. But they are risky.

I am going through this, myself.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mrs. Conan is 11 years older than me.

I'm 46 to her 57.

I didn't think about it when I met her 26 years ago.

I just asked her out and had sex with her about 40 times the first week.

I knew when I saw her. Whatever comes comes. It has been good!


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## Loveless17 (Oct 16, 2017)

My parents were 10 years apart. Made it 55 years before one of them died. Age gap didn't seem to make any difference.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

My wife's mother was considerably older than his father. They lived a long happily married life.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Look for attitude, not physical age. I'm 57 and wife is 58. Physically at least. Attitude wise I'm decades younger, she's decades older.


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## Maybe_it's_in_my_head (Oct 10, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Obviously in your case there is the children aspect. At 38, if you want children you haven't got time to waste.


Yes, already on the case with that. 



SunCMars said:


> You will want to do active things, she will want to sit and rest, watch TV.
> 
> You may want to continue an active sex life, she may not.
> 
> ...


I guess that's all possible true of all relationships. Of the OW/YM relationships I know (which is a few) there is only one other couple I know of with a 10 year gap and they've been happy together for 20+ years. I've seen things go the other way to so I guess you have to work hard and hope..

Excuse typo's, on my phone.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Mrs. Conan is 11 years older than me.
> 
> I'm 46 to her 57.
> 
> ...


Forty times the first week?

I am jealous.
Of few things am I jealous. This be one of them.

I can safely put my number at twenty...that first week.
My body failed me, not my mind !

Now, in my mind? The numbers never stopped rolling on that cash register.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

john117 said:


> Look for attitude, not physical age. I'm 57 and wife is 58. Physically at least. Attitude wise I'm decades younger, she's decades older.


Damn it John...

You had to say 'it'. 
I said 'it' diplomatically. And offhandedly.
You said it in Trumpster speak.

Thank you.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> Forty times the first week?
> 
> I am jealous.
> Of few things am I jealous. This be one of them.
> ...


I was 20 and have always been very HD. That first week, we almost never left the bedroom, couch, kitchen counter, floor, bathroom, car, bathroom in my grandma's house, the woods, the shower, I'm probably missing a place or two we christened but by midweek, she was making animal sounds.

I know she couldn't physically take it now and I'm pretty sure I couldn't either! LOL!

Be fun to hurt ourselves trying though...>


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

SunCMars said:


> Damn it John...
> 
> You had to say 'it'.
> I said 'it' diplomatically. And offhandedly.
> ...


Sad to say most 50 plus year olds are already dead. All the energy sapped, happy only at the strip club, golf course, board room, or gun range .

And you never know if your adventurous partner will turn into a Golden Girls double.


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## Maybe_it's_in_my_head (Oct 10, 2017)

Well this thread has taken a decidedly odd turn! ??


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> My point?
> The issue is not now, but may become huge in the future.
> Women marrying older men have these same concerns.
> 
> What you say you want 'today', may change 180 degrees in fifteen to twenty years.


Or 28 years... 

As in any relationship, age aside, you will grow independently as well as grow together, and the risk of "independence" translates into "apart" if not very careful that your efforts levels are not separated too.

Wives ready to retire before their husbands creates a different dynamic than the other way around. It's not bad or good, simply different if the mind and heart are right. 

If the heart and mind are not right, I have found it to be a much greater struggle.

But then we don't know what we don't know until presented with it... enjoy every day and don't worry about the future, love with all you have in the present.

Worrying about tomorrow is all in your head.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe_it's_in_my_head said:


> Well this thread has taken a decidedly odd turn! ??


Welcome to TAM >


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## FieryHairedLady (Mar 24, 2011)

My parents were together for 24 years of marriage, then divorce. My mom was 19, my dad was 32, when they hooked up and married soon after. She passed on at 52 of severe health problems, my dad passed on about 4 months later, health problems, he was 65.


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