# Feel like im in a circle.



## pepeeltoro (Feb 4, 2014)

Hi to all, I really need advice from anyone. I am I a 9 years marriage and we are in a sexless or almost sexless relationship. Well that is one of the problems. 
Now that we had our second son, its going even worst. The pregnancy was high risk so we don't did it for 9 months and later was a wait for 3 or 4 months, so no sex for a year.
I take some time off from my job to help on the house and the baby, by then I need an knee operation, so I went to disability, and then, when I was fired, on unemployment. So I was at home the whole time, my wife too but, still no much sex.
She went back to work and I stay at home taking care of my two sons, I do not know much about housekeeping, but I do my best. I never was skinny, but I wasn't fat either, but staying at home, start to eat more. That's when I enter on the biggest problem i have. Every time she said no, I turn in to masturbation and food.
I talk with my wife about our problem, and she said that will try to be more open to sex, but like a lot of times, just last a couple of weeks.
So here I am, tired of masturbation, like 70 pounds overweight, taking care of mi two kids, the younger is 3 already, and feeling so close to quit and ask for divorce to my wife, but I love her so much, and my kids that I will her another chance.

Thank you.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Get a job ASAP. Start working out and losing weight.
You have lowered your sex ranking and she doesn't respect you. I know this sounds silly, but there is a lot of truth to this. Read the married man's sex life primer, and no more mr nice guy. These two books helped me immensely.


----------



## pepeeltoro (Feb 4, 2014)

Thanks, i was thinking a lot about that to. Just something else i want to add, we never have a very good sex life, i struggled at the beginning; it was a really rough times. Until i learn to lower my sex drive, and after 5 or 6 years you start to understand that for more stubborn that you are.
My son is really another factor, he is 3 and isn't totally potty train, so cant take it to any child care, on a college, gym or anything else, and we can afford to pay a person to take care of him.
I understand that i need to do something, just don't know what and how.
I will look for those books, and read them, just am afraid if i stop been nice with my wife, she get tired of our relation and i finally lost her.


----------



## Mainstays (Jul 29, 2013)

I would advise hitting the gym! Once she sees you slimming down and getting back in shape again she might respond. Most gyms have daycare services now-a-days. I know mine does. Costs about $3 for an unlimited amount of time for me to work out. See if there is one in your area that will allow you to do this. Even if it's 30 mins of cardio. Your son can socialize too.

How are you asking your wife for sex? Is it the same way you ask her to do other things, maybe the delivery has to change? Sometimes asking her more physically can help rather than verbally.


----------



## pepeeltoro (Feb 4, 2014)

Thanks for the advise, yes there is an gym really close to my house, and they have child care, but my son need to be potty trained, is really cheap 15 bucks per month. i feel like doing it and try, i have nothing to lose.
About me asking for sex, i think i have try every trick on the book, be romantic, aggressive, go slow, fast, on the bed, on any part of the house, even on a hotel room. I feel like a beggar and i don't like that. Once i try tiding her up, because she like 50 shades of gray but did not work well.
I don't want to end having to cheat to her.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

A couple of things...

First, as someone else mentioned your sex rank is low compared to your wife. Actually, it's way out of whack. Equal rights, etc... aside, the traditional husband-work, wife-child rearing is upside down in your house. The only way to correct it is to get back in the work force so get that kid potty trained!

Second, there is a need missing in the relationship. Could be the need for attraction or security, but whatever it is, it isn't there. You need to sit down with your wife and talk about what is missing so you can get your needs met.

And in all likelihood the "couple of weeks" where she does pickup the intimacy is just being done to keep you quiet without the "needs" thing being resolved. So, after a few weeks without the underlying issue being resolved you are back to square one.

So next time you have "the talk" with your wife come right out and ask her if her needs are being met. If she says they are, tell her yours are not and something has to change because you won't stay in a sexless marriage.


----------



## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

It's not about how you approach sex. It's more about whether or not she feels turned on by the person you are. Women need certain things to get to a place where they feel comfortable--let alone very turned on--about having sex. You gotta get a job and hit the gym. This will not be an overnight thing. Buckle down for the long haul.


----------



## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Do not beg for sex. It makes you look pathetic. Act as if you could care less, then go rub one out if need be.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

