# Can't shake it!



## ParanoidDeeply (Mar 8, 2013)

About a year ago I was driven to look at my husband's cell phone texts. There I found naked pictures of his friend's wife that her husband sent him.:scratchhead: I was furious!! It was about 2 weeks later I found out he had been calling her nearly 4 to 5 times a day for the last 2 1/2 months. My husband says they were just friends. I don't believe that. There are two things that tell me he was attracted to her even though he says he wasn't. Number one he kept it a secret and number two his mind was on her all the time. This I know. Even though we have agreed to work on our marriage and he seems to be truly sorry I'm still having these suspicious thoughts that won't go away. How do I shake these feelings?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Read the newbies link.

I don't understand why OW's husband would send naked images of his wife to your husband.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

AngryandUsed said:


> Read the newbies link.
> 
> I don't understand why OW's husband would send naked images of his wife to your husband.



swingers?


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

OMG


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

What makes you think her H sent the pics? If you didn't hear it from the OWH personally, then I highly suspect he had nothing to do with your H getting the pics. 

If you are relying solely on the pics having come from the OWH's phone - that proves nothing. 

I think you won't be able to shake the feelings you have until you know the whole truth. It may be beneficial to have a sitdown with the OWH. Then with the OW and your H.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

ParanoidDeeply said:


> About a year ago I was driven to look at my husband's cell phone texts. There I found naked pictures of his friend's wife that her husband sent him.:scratchhead: I was furious!! It was about 2 weeks later I found out he had been calling her nearly 4 to 5 times a day for the last 2 1/2 months. My husband says they were just friends. I don't believe that. There are two things that tell me he was attracted to her even though he says he wasn't. Number one he kept it a secret and number two his mind was on her all the time. This I know. Even though we have agreed to work on our marriage and he seems to be truly sorry I'm still having these suspicious thoughts that won't go away. How do I shake these feelings?


LOL Ahh yes, because married friends send naked pictures to other married friends.  So... when was the last time YOU sent nudie pics of yourself to another married man?

Honey, you are in a similar position to what I was 3 months and one day ago. 

Something is WRONG! You are not paranoid. And believe me when I tell you... this is going to read like an informercial - "but wait! There's more!"

Sorry you are going through this, but you have come to the right place.


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## ParanoidDeeply (Mar 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> What makes you think her H sent the pics? If you didn't hear it from the OWH personally, then I highly suspect he had nothing to do with your H getting the pics.
> 
> If you are relying solely on the pics having come from the OWH's phone - that proves nothing.
> 
> I think you won't be able to shake the feelings you have until you know the whole truth. It may be beneficial to have a sitdown with the OWH. Then with the OW and your H.


The pictures were sent from his phone number, that's how I know.


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## ParanoidDeeply (Mar 8, 2013)

ScorchedEarth said:


> LOL Ahh yes, because married friends send naked pictures to other married friends.  So... when was the last time YOU sent nudie pics of yourself to another married man?
> 
> Honey, you are in a similar position to what I was 3 months and one day ago.
> 
> ...



I'm constantly looking for things. Then I feel guilty when I know he's trying so hard. How did you handle your nightmare?


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## cantthinkstraight (May 6, 2012)

ParanoidDeeply said:


> How do I shake these feelings?


Deal with it head on.

You've already let it fester inside of you for far too long.

Time to act accordingly.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

ParanoidDeeply said:


> I'm constantly looking for things. Then I feel guilty when I know he's trying so hard. How did you handle your nightmare?


Ok, first off, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY FOR!

Your world has been turned upside down. What you always thought to be true has been exposed for a lie. Your trust has been shattered. You no longer trust what you believe or know. 

When I found out, I hit the roof. I wish I hadn't. I wished I didn't even confront him. By doing so, I gave him time to make calls, delete emails, clear out computer files, etc. So now, I really am at his mercy as to whether or not he tells me the truth. 

I tried R, but that ended when I was able to go through his phone and find some deleted texts and pictures. 

Two questions you will have to ask yourself if you are willing to work this through - 

1. *Are you content to live with the fact that you will NEVER know the entire truth?* And trust me, you never will. The survival instinct in man is too strong, and if he thinks there are things you would "never" find out - he will NOT offer them up. I don't care how remorseful he claims to be. Let me offer up an example - on my husband's phone, I found pics of his co-worker in her underwear (shots she took of her posing in front of the mirror, like those stupid shots kids post on facebook all the time). Then there was a pic of a vibrator. Just a vibrator. So I asked my husband "Are there any sexually explicit pics of her, of her using this vibrator?" Of course, he says "No". Well... let's just say after buying some software which retrieves deleted files off smartphones.... I am more familiar with her than I care to be. 
*THEY WILL LIE TO SAVE THEMSELVES!*

2. Will you be able to ever trust him again? I'm talking about the kind of trust that you had before this incident came to light. Suspicion will KILL *any* attempt of moving on.

My WH is doing all the "right" things. Changed his number, goes to IC, cut off contact (as far as I am aware), given me access to all the accounts (that I know of), gives up his phone on demand so I can run the software on it again. Put in for a transfer at work. Paying me more attention, etc. He knows I am going to leave him (we have a child so the process is going a little slow as we are trying to work out the details so that our child's life is disrupted as little as possible), but he still is "trying" to make it up by a 180 behavior change. Ultimately, it doesn't matter. Every thing he does is met with suspicion in my mind, and just like you can't build a stable house without a solid foundation, you can't re-build a marriage whose foundation is cracked. 

Now is the time for YOU to take care of YOU! Don't rush and make hasty decisions. Take your time, and if it isn't good enough for him - tough! HE created a mess that YOU will have to clean up. There is no guilt or shame in that at all.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You are not paranoid, you saw the picture and now you see the daily calls. Gather more evidence and don't let him blame shift you. And never ever think you are crazy, paranoid or feel guilty. It will drive you crazy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> swingers?


Yep, that was what I was thinking, too...

OK, time to do battle. Get yourself armed with a set of STD test results. This ensures he hasn't dipped his wick in the wrong (tainted) oil container and it also can be used as a weapon to tell him how badly he is behaving as he has lost your trust.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

I've got a good buddy whose marriage was destroyed this way. His childhood best friend would send pics of his naked wife. 

When my good buddy's wife found out she went through the roof and divorced him.

Yes, his childhood friend and wife were swingers, and thought it was all okay.

Fast forward a couple of years and my good buddy's childhood friend died unexpectedly and guess what? My good buddy is now living with the girl in those pics and they've bought a house together.

Swingers? Probably. But the basic fact remains that if someone is hiding stuff from their spouse then they aren't in a real marriage.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

ParanoidDeeply said:


> The pictures were sent from his phone number, that's how I know.


You aren't getting his point. Cheaters get a thrill from being secretive and the excitement of not getting caught.

How exciting would it be to send a text from the husband's phone, your cheating spouse answers the text thinking it is the man, and poof it is a nude pic of his affair partner.

Walkon is saying you know where the picture originated, not the person who physically took the picture. His wife might have taken the picture for a cheap thrill because she might get caught.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> You aren't getting his point. Cheaters get a thrill from being secretive and the excitement of not getting caught.
> 
> How exciting would it be to send a text from the husband's phone, your cheating spouse answers the text thinking it is the man, and poof it is a nude pic of his affair partner.
> 
> Walkon is saying *you know where the picture originated, not the person who physically took the picture. His wife might have taken the picture for a cheap thrill because she might get caught.*


^^^Exactly this. 

SHE sent the pics from his phone. Then deleted the pic. She figuratively slapped her husbands face - rubbed his face in it. Then thrilled your husband with the chicanery. 

Now YOUR husband is playing you - just like she is playing her husband. 

The deceit gives me the heebeegeebees.


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

This could be true but it just seems so cruel that my head and heart recoil in horror.

I hate cheaters.


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## ParanoidDeeply (Mar 8, 2013)

walkonmars said:


> What makes you think her H sent the pics? If you didn't hear it from the OWH personally, then I highly suspect he had nothing to do with your H getting the pics.
> 
> If you are relying solely on the pics having come from the OWH's phone - that proves nothing.
> 
> I think you won't be able to shake the feelings you have until you know the whole truth. It may be beneficial to have a sitdown with the OWH. Then with the OW and your H.


I actually texted her husband and he told me he sent it to him by accident, but I read the whole thread and he was enticing him to look at it and he even told him he better not let his wife know. Speaking of me.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Has he ever taken naked pics of you? Maybe they are pic swapping or the OWH has a cuckold kink.


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## ParanoidDeeply (Mar 8, 2013)

johnnycomelately said:


> Has he ever taken naked pics of you? Maybe they are pic swapping or the OWH has a cuckold kink.


No! I often wander if they were on drugs.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

ParanoidDeeply said:


> No! I often wander if they were on drugs.


OWH probably gets off on showing off his wife and maybe watching her have sex.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

johnnycomelately said:


> OWH probably gets off on showing off his wife and maybe watching her have sex.


I've known a few of these folks over the years and heard about a lot more. Occam's Razor.

Now, I figure if the WH here had actually plowed the friend's wife, the friend would have sent video or pix of that as well. Maybe they're still in the build up phase.


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## still.hurting (Dec 10, 2012)

ParanoidDeeply said:


> The pictures were sent from his phone number, that's how I know.


You know it's very easy to send a pic from someones phone and delete all the evidence.
To find out if her H really sent the pic, why don't you just ask her H yourself? -this may open pandora's box, but hey, at least you will know the truth, and maybe safe the other poor guy from a life time of infidelity?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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