# Mileage Reimbursement- Caring for MIL



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Hi, all-

My FIL passed away in May 2015. It quickly became apparent that my MIL was not doing well mentally & she just nose-dived after losing her husband.

She couldn't be left alone and most of the care giving fell on my wife & 3 of our kids.

It took a year for my wife to find a facility for her mom and during that year my wife, who was working full-time, was driving an insane number of miles, making 2 round trips most days of the week to either drop off/pick up our daughter, who would watch MIL during the day, or to pick her mom up for daycare, then take her back home at the end of the day.

At night one or more of us would stay the night at MIL's house.

At the time I created a spreadsheet & kept track of the mileage. Using a rate of 0.40 cents per mile I came up with a total of about $6,600 for which I think we should be reimbursed.

MIL just passed away & I want to get this dealt with now, assuming there is anything to be dealt with.

Do you think this is an unreasonable request?

This amount is actually very low, as there were a lot of doctor's visits my wife took her father to that are not included and other out of pocket expenses that weren't reimbursed.


----------



## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

Who would pay the bill? Presumably your MIL's estate? Was there an agreement ahead of time that these expenses might be covered, say between your wife and her siblings?


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Where there’s a will there’s a relative.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I know many people who spent years driving around caring for elderly relatives. It would never have occured to them to claim. It's all part of being family. 
Who is set to inherit from her will? If it's your wife then you will get money from that anyway.


----------



## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

It's extraordinarily petty and unreasonable. Unless you want to pay the parents estate back for all the money they spent raising your wife, then deduct your 6 grand from that, I'd just drop it.


----------



## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Who is set to inherit from her will? If it's your wife then you will get money from that anyway.


If his wife was set to inherit everything I don't think he'd be asking this question. More likely she has siblings and he's looking to squeeze out an extra 6 grand from their inheritance. 

In other words, starting a fight with the rest of her family that will breed lifelong resentments over 6 thousand dollars. Can you imagine being her family? Not only does your mom just die but now you've got your sisters husband looking for his mileage pay.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

gaius said:


> If his wife was set to inherit everything I don't think he'd be asking this question. More likely she has siblings and he's looking to squeeze out an extra 6 grand from their inheritance.
> 
> In other words, starting a fight with the rest of her family that will breed lifelong resentments over 6 thousand dollars. Can you imagine being her family? Not only does your mom just die but now you've got your sisters husband looking for his mileage pay.


Yes true. Even if she shares the inheritance he should be very grateful for that.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

That type of volunteer type work really shouldn't be done with expectations of payment. 

If you can add a deduction on your taxes, great, other than that you'd be acting small.


----------



## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

just…. *Wow!!*

Some things we do in life leave a lasting impression. Your wife’s and daughter’s will be their kind and caring heart. Long after your wife is gone her children and extended family will remember her dedication fondly. We should all be so lucky.

When each person’s time is up all that is truly left is their lineage (family), reputation, and material goods. Our legacy is a combination of these items and how our actions prioritize them. It is clear your wife through her actions is built a legacy where family is the most important and as a result has built a reputation as a kind and loving woman.

You on the other hand…. With actions and thoughts like this you will only serve to tarnish you wife’s legacy. 

Something tells me this cheap, self-centered pettiness, is something you are known for…. And yet your wife still loves you.

Just think of it this way… A person’s legacy is built not bought. So when your time comes, what do you want your legacy to be?


here is another way to look at it… Jeff Bezos, when his time comes and he gives hundreds of billions to charity; but how will most remember him?? “He gave a lot to X cause… but….”


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

I'd like to disagree with the general sentiment here ...

Just kidding. You all did a kind act by volunteering. Don't taint it with a fight over money. You are either taking it from other family members, or indirectly from me. I had to do much the same when my father went into cognitive decline two states away. Most of us take our turn in the barrel, eventually.


----------



## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

This was a cost incurred taking care of family. In short, you should not expect reimbursement. In fact, I'm a bit astonished you would ask this question. Take your spreadsheet and throw it away.


----------



## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Did you factor in interest on the money at all?

_j/k_

If you do something like this electively then you incur the costs. Don’t want to pay for gas, don’t go.


----------



## AlabamaWorley (Oct 6, 2021)

You sound fun.
If you go after mile reimbursement it’s my hope that if you’re ever in the same situation as your MIL that your own kids come after you for the same thing. I can’t even comprehend the reason you’re wanting this.


----------



## DallasCowboyFan (Nov 20, 2012)

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for mileage compensation and agree to a rate..........prior to making all those trips. I do think it is unreasonable to have kept a tally if there were no reimbursement agreement. If there is no agreement in writing, the executor of an estate would not be able to agree to substantiate an unwritten debt and pay it. If there is no written agreement, there is no debt and you don't have a valid claim against the estate. Executors have fiduciary duty and agreeing to new debt postmortem would be a breach of that fiduciary duty.


----------



## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

.40 a mile? Why not .50 - now you’re up to $8250!

This is a complete recipe for disaster for your wife.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Noman said:


> Hi, all-
> 
> My FIL passed away in May 2015. It quickly became apparent that my MIL was not doing well mentally & she just nose-dived after losing her husband.
> 
> ...


Is there a will? With or without a will, who inherits from your MIL's estate? Does your wife or children inherit anything from it? 

I'm wondering because my impression here is that you, your wife & children did all the work and expense of caring for your MIL but someone else in named in a will to inherit.

Is this the case? Or it is something different?


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Was your daughter paid to watch her grandmother? Caregivers are not inexpensive. If you're going to go for reimbursement expenses, go for the caregiver costs. How many siblings will be looking to split how much in assets?


----------



## Chaotic_Aquarian (Feb 8, 2021)

Does your wife know about this spreadsheet?


----------



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

TurnedTurtle said:


> Who would pay the bill? Presumably your MIL's estate? Was there an agreement ahead of time that these expenses might be covered, say between your wife and her siblings?


I would hope from the estate, but...the only agreement was an unspoken one from my wife's 3 older brothers that all the work & responsibility would be placed on my wife's shoulders. Par for the course for how they've always treated her.



gaius said:


> ...starting a fight with the rest of her family that will breed lifelong resentments...


I think the lifelong resentments are already there.

"Mileage pay"? Watch out for sharp objects, I'd hate for you to pop.



seadoug105 said:


> You on the other hand…. With actions and thoughts like this you will only serve to tarnish you wife’s legacy.
> 
> Something tells me this cheap, self-centered pettiness, is something you are known for…. And yet your wife still loves you.


1. You are wrong.
2. Something is lying to you..

BTW- You should write for Hallmark. I'm serious.



Cletus said:


> I had to do much the same when my father went into cognitive decline two states away.


Wow, you were driving to your father's house multiple times a week, at 2AM, because he was freaking out that the police were coming to arrest him for being in someone else's house?

Those must have been small states.



Nailhead said:


> Take your spreadsheet and throw it away.


Not going to do it.

And I have multiple backups.



ccpowerslave said:


> Did you factor in interest on the money at all?
> 
> _j/k_
> 
> If you do something like this electively then you incur the costs. Don’t want to pay for gas, don’t go.


No, but I could add interest. It's a simple enough formula. How much would you suggest?

This was absolutely not 'elective'. Someone had to take care of granny and someone did. Sadly that did not include any male siblings or their family members.



AlabamaWorley said:


> You sound fun.
> If you go after mile reimbursement it’s my hope that if you’re ever in the same situation as your MIL that your own kids come after you for the same thing. I can’t even comprehend the reason you’re wanting this.


I really don't see my kids "coming after me" when I'm dead, but whatever. I _would_ expect them all to help out, if they live nearby. That's how they were raised.



PhillyGuy13 said:


> This is a complete recipe for disaster for your wife.


Mmmm, I don't think so.



EleGirl said:


> Is there a will? With or without a will, who inherits from your MIL's estate? Does your wife or children inherit anything from it?
> 
> I'm wondering because my impression here is that you, your wife & children did all the work and expense of caring for your MIL but someone else in named in a will to inherit.
> 
> Is this the case? Or it is something different?


@EleGirl Bless you.

There is a trust, all 4 siblings inherit equally as far as I know.

You are SPOT on about the division of labor, it was easily 90% my wife, our kids & myself.

There were some other expenses, groceries, etc that weren't reimbursed. I'm not really sure what the total would be for that, probably not much. $1,000?



Blondilocks said:


> Was your daughter paid to watch her grandmother? Caregivers are not inexpensive. If you're going to go for reimbursement expenses, go for the caregiver costs. How many siblings will be looking to split how much in assets?


No compensation for our daughter. Hah, although my wife did pay the next door neighbor to help keep an eye on grandma on certain days.

Eventually it got to where all 6 of us were spending a night at the house. One of the brothers managed to spend one night a week at the house, but that was "all he could do." I don't think he did that for very long, though. Another brother used to take his mom out for dinner on Wednesdays. The third brother did...nothing.

So, 4 siblings. I honestly don't know how much is left in the estate. MIL was in a facility for 5 years & that ain't cheap.

God, it was awful the last 2 or 3 years. My mother in law was just a tiny living skeleton, stuck in a bed. I really don't know why, or how, she held on so long.



Chaotic_Aquarian said:


> Does your wife know about this spreadsheet?


Yup. She has a copy.


OK, so I'm getting the feeling that some of you think I'm a blood sucking leech and most of the rest of you think I'm being petty.

Well, I assure you I am not a blood sucking leech, believe it or not.

As for the pettiness, I think somewhere deep down I might believe I'm being petty, but I'm having a hard time finding it. That might be why I posted my question. There is a lot of resentment in this dynamic and I think that's making it difficult for me to see anything else.

This afternoon, I brought up the spreadsheet to Mrs. Noman again and she said she is going to talk to her brothers, more likely just the eldest brother, as he was the power of attorney and now he's the executor. _She _said she feels the whole money thing is petty, but...she too has a lot of resentment, far more than me, I would guess, at how this has all played out.

All the siblings work full-time, but her brothers just couldn't manage to help.

We lived the furthest from my mother in law's house, but who do you think was driving 40 miles round-trip, in the middle of the night, multiple times a week, when 18 year old son called, freaking out, because grandma was freaking out and trying to leave the house in a panic because she thought the police were coming to arrest her for being in someone else's house?

Yup, that would be my wife. So grandma would end up at our house, for a few hours, until she calmed down, then my wife would drive her back home. Actually that would be 2 round trips.

Brothers? They couldn't, or wouldn't, be bothered.

This whole mess (about 7 years now, I think) has just been a ****-ton of responsibility, stress and emotional Hell for my wife, with her no-account brothers nowhere in sight. In fact, two of them moved out of state as soon as grandma went into the home. And my wife justifiably has a lot of resentment for her brothers. As do I.

She effing well DOES deserve some compensation, considering what she's done and what she's gone through. SHE was there a few weeks ago when grandma was transitioning. No brothers to be seen.

And this resentment sits on top of resentment that has built up over the years because of how her brothers have treated her, like she's second-class to them. In actuality the only sibling who is like my father in law, who was a great man, is my wife. The other apples rolled so far from the tree they're in the next valley.

Mrs. Noman will have her say and I'm betting her brothers will all come out worse for wear. I'm guessing there won't be any reimbursement, which is fine. Mrs. Noman & I are embarking on a new life and will be just fine.

Now that grandma is gone, I expect we won't be seeing much of the brothers and that's fine too.

It's really sad to see how some family members treat other family members. It's like they feel entitled to dump on someone _*because *_they're related.

Nailhead, or whoever said I should throw my spreadsheet away, I'm not going to do that, but I think I am going to close it and leave it closed.

It's time to move on to our new life.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You both need to let go of the resentment or it will harm you both.
Its often the case in families that one will do more of the caring for elderly parents. Sometimes that's due to distance, other commitments and other reasons. Often it's the daughters who do more as well. 

In your place I would have had her live with us if she was bedridden till she went into care. It would have saved all that driving around. Or at least moved her nearby. 

It does sound as if 2 of the brothers did help. You said one stayed with her one night a week and the other took her out once a week. That's something at least. It's also good that your children were willing to help out. 

If I were you I would let it go and be grateful for the inheritance you do get.I am sure it will be far more than you spent. If you took them to court it would cost you far more than the amount you may or may not get.


----------



## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Noman said:


> Do you think this is an unreasonable request?


Yes it is an unreasonable request. In the US, in the years it happened you could have deducted this mileage from your taxes. The rate would have changed each year. To demand, presumably that the estate pay your wife for taking care of her parents, is not going to happen. We care for family out of love, not financial compensation. 

If you & your wife needed the money you should have spoken up years ago. Also for you, not your wife, to be be driving this request for re-imbursement comes across very negatively -- petty & money grubbing. 

That said, please accept my condolences for the loss of the family members.


----------



## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

When my MIL started babysitting her MIL, the siblings paid her. It is a reasonable request and (as you've seen) is far less expensive than any facility would have charged. Put the screws to the executor - submit itemized statements to him for both mileage and caregiving. If necessary, threaten to legally hold up the closing of the trust. The executor has a responsibility to clear all debts.

If nothing else, the do-nothing brothers may get a crick in their conscience. They will be in the same position one day and their children will remember that Dad took no responsibility for his own mom so they won't feel obligated to do what he didn't. Selfish people don't realize that their actions are actually teaching their children lessons.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Noman Had a similar situation with my wife's family. We were caring for her mom but her siblings raised not a finger to help.

Her one son (the one with a gambling addiction and multiple girlfriends and a long-suffering wife) managed to use fraud to drain mom's saving account of £20,000+ (she wouldn't prosecute because of the shame) and he tried to steal my wife's house but failed.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My husband and I drove for 5 hours (in total) to spend the day helping my first husband's elderly parents ( yes, not even our parents) do some sorting out in their garage taking stuff for recycling and to be thrown away etc etc. Maybe I should have demanded our petrol money? Nope not going to happen.
My husband was happy to go and help his wife's ex husbands elderly parents because they needed it.We will probably be going down again more now they are struggling more. 

Their daughter, my sil( and she is still my sil despite the divorce 20 years ago), is having treatment for cancer so can't help much and their son, my ex, rarely contacts them. They haven't seen him for years.
Should he be the one to help them? Yes probably. Do we feel resentful? No. We are happy to help. I see them as family still.


----------



## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

I can assure all this will not end well for all 4 siblings involved. Noman will see to that. Money makes people do the damnedest things. BTW Noman, who is executor of the will? If it ain't you or or wife...best of luck.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Noman said:


> Wow, you were driving to your father's house multiple times a week, at 2AM, because he was freaking out that the police were coming to arrest him for being in someone else's house?
> 
> Those must have been small states.


Ah, I see you are one of those folks who was only looking for confirmation, not a challenging opinion. 

I should start a spreadsheet ...


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Nailhead said:


> I can assure all this will not end well for all 4 siblings involved. Noman will see to that. Money makes people do the damnedest things. BTW Noman, who is executor of the will? If it ain't you or or wife...best of luck.


He said one of the brothers us the executor.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Noman said:


> @EleGirl Bless you.
> 
> There is a trust, all 4 siblings inherit equally as far as I know.
> 
> ...


I get where you are coming from. You and your wife rightly feel that you were used by her brothers. I figured it was something like that. I've seen it before in a lot of families. One sibling does all the care taking. In some cases it's even worse because the parent leaves all their assets to the sibling(s) who did nothing to help the parent when they needed the help.

I've wondered if the issue is that the parent tries to buy the love of the sibling(s) who clearly could care less about them. But this does not seem to be the case in your situation since all the siblings seem to be inheriting equally. Your and your wife's beef is directly with the behavior of her siblings.

Would it make you and your wife feel better if she wrote a letter asking for the reimbursement and let her brothers know how much their neglect hurt your wife and your family? And ask for reimbursement. They may never give it, but at least you and your wife had your say with her brothers. Your beef is really with the brothers, not the estate (meaning not her mother).

Then be done with her brothers


----------



## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

I spent a few years caregiving for my grandmother toward the end of her life. I didn't get paid anything for it, jobs have refused to hire me because I have that gap on my resume, I was way behind financially after I finished. But when I lay on my death bed it will be one of the things I'm most proud of. Not that I have an extra 6 grand in the bank.

You're not a bad person for feeling what you feel Norman but if your MIL wanted to split her estate equally then give her that last final respect. She's dead and she earned it.


----------



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> You both need to let go of the resentment or it will harm you both.
> Its often the case in families that one will do more of the caring for elderly parents. Sometimes that's due to distance, other commitments and other reasons. Often it's the daughters who do more as well.
> 
> In your place I would have had her live with us if she was bedridden till she went into care. It would have saved all that driving around. Or at least moved her nearby.
> ...


@Diana7 Oh, lord, Diana, I know you are right, but it is SO hard to forgive & forget. My wife has been focused, consciously or subconsciously, on her mom for 5 years as she slowly withered away.

Her mother passing set Mrs. Noman free in a way & now it's time for us to live for us. As we start finding success I think it will make it easier to just forget about all the BS that has happened.

We tried to get her to move in with us, but that didn't work out. A facility was really the only option. I would have been fine with her living with us, BTW. Our kids are good people, raised to be responsible & were a huge help in the period before my wife could get her mom placed in a facility (that was close to us.)

I wouldn't give the brothers too much credit, they really did not help out very much at all. Like you said above, this sort of thing does typically fall to the daughter(s) and they were more than willing to follow the status quo.

As for court, I wouldn't even consider it, that's just a losing proposition all the way around and it's not something I'm not inclined to do, anyway.

Whatever we do get, if there is anything left, is fine. I am looking forward to the earful they'll be getting from Mrs. Noman. There will be some satisfaction there.


----------



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I get where you are coming from. You and your wife rightly feel that you were used by her brothers. I figured it was something like that. I've seen it before in a lot of families. One sibling does all the care taking. In some cases it's even worse because the parent leaves all their assets to the sibling(s) who did nothing to help the parent when they needed the help.
> 
> I've wondered if the issue is that the parent tries to buy the love of the sibling(s) who clearly could care less about them. But this does not seem to be the case in your situation since all the siblings seem to be inheriting equally. Your and your wife's beef is directly with the behavior of her siblings.
> 
> ...


@EleGirl Actually we've seen the same thing in our family. My MIL's older sister passed about a year ago & there we have 4 siblings, 3 sisters & 1 brother, who are fractured. The oldest daughter was the power of attorney and had to make the decision to put their mom in a home.

Youngest daughter bought the family home, shortly before their mom went to the facility, I think, and the brother thought she should have stayed home and taken care of mom, even though youngest daughter has a full-time job, a career, actually, so there's bad blood between brother and 2 of the sisters. The third sister stayed out of the fray, I think & is still talking to the other 3.

It's really very sad. I remember visiting when their mom & dad were both still alive, and everyone got along. They're really all nice people, although the brother has a drinking problem from what I hear and isn't a jolly drunk, quite the opposite.

I think a letter is a fabulous idea! I will suggest it to my wife. A letter allows you to order your thoughts correctly & leaves them with something to refer to when they start getting too full of themselves.

And then we will indeed be done with them!


----------



## Noman (Oct 17, 2014)

D0nnivain said:


> We care for family out of love, not financial compensation.


@D0nnivain Well not _everyone_ does, we mustn't forget the 3 absent brothers. They didn't "care" (other than perhaps, emotionally) at all. Much too busy for that.



Blondilocks said:


> When my MIL started babysitting her MIL, the siblings paid her. It is a reasonable request and (as you've seen) is far less expensive than any facility would have charged. Put the screws to the executor - submit itemized statements to him for both mileage and caregiving. If necessary, threaten to legally hold up the closing of the trust. The executor has a responsibility to clear all debts.
> 
> If nothing else, the do-nothing brothers may get a crick in their conscience. They will be in the same position one day and their children will remember that Dad took no responsibility for his own mom so they won't feel obligated to do what he didn't. Selfish people don't realize that their actions are actually teaching their children lessons.


@Blondilocks HOT DAMN, I love your moxie! I may suggest Mrs. Noman contact you for assistance if she does decide to write a letter!

"They will be in the same position one day and their children will remember.."
Actually, 2 of the brothers didn't have children, the third brother has a daughter, but I can assure you she won't be taking care of dear old dad when the time comes, so I expect they're ALL going to be up the proverbial creek.

I don't know who will be taking care of them, but I know who _won't!_



MattMatt said:


> @Noman Had a similar situation with my wife's family. We were caring for her mom but her siblings raised not a finger to help.
> 
> Her one son (the one with a gambling addiction and multiple girlfriends and a long-suffering wife) managed to use fraud to drain mom's saving account of £20,000+ (she wouldn't prosecute because of the shame) and he tried to steal my wife's house but failed.


@MattMatt it is indeed a small world. My sibling lived in a 2 bedroom apartment behind our mom's house for 30+ years. When a natural disaster destroyed the apartment (the house, 30 feet away, was barely scratched, amazingly), my sibling moved into our mom's house, along with their spouse and daughter.

Fast forward a few years, my mom started showing signs of dementia (I wonder if the stress of the 3 mooches living in her house was a factor? Mom wanted them to move out, but they refused.) and I discovered that my sibling was "borrowing" mom's ATM card and making regular withdrawals of $300. On top of that my sibling also shanghaied a $130,000 insurance check.

When I discovered this, mom was still lucid enough to be outraged & she made me her power of attorney. And then the fighting started. I _should_ have had my sibling charged, but didn't out of respect for my mom.

Sibling had the medical power of attorney and decided, when mom became too much work, to move her into a facility. Mom insisted it was a good idea and it happened.

Three weeks later, the 3 slobs were still living in mom's house. I called my mom's atty, explained the situation, she made a phone call & a few weeks later they had an apartment.

I told mom she could move back home, that I would find people to stay with her, but she said, "No."

Then about 6 weeks later we were talking on the phone & she said, "I wish I could live in my house again." I told her, "Consider it done!"

I was on a business trip, but as soon as I got back, I found caregivers, then hired the same people that moved her out to move her back in.

Haha, when my sibling found out I got a VERY angry phone call.

But at least mom was able to live out her days in _her _house. Without interlopers.

Oh, and when I was talking to the local constabulary about prosecuting my sibling, she told me mothers are rarely willing to prosecute. Elder abuse is an insidious, nasty crime.



Diana7 said:


> Maybe I should have demanded our petrol money? Nope not going to happen.
> My husband was happy to go and help his wife's ex husbands elderly parents because they needed it.We will probably be going down again more now they are struggling more.


With all due respect your situation doesn't sound quite as extreme as what we went through.

Tell your husband he's a good man.



Nailhead said:


> I can assure all this will not end well for all 4 siblings involved. Noman will see to that. Money makes people do the damnedest things.


@Nailhead Oh, Mr. Noman is such the evil, bad man! The 4 siblings will all live happily ever after, I'm sure. Actually I'm not too sure about the brothers. See above under *Codename Blondilocks*.

And I _told_ you I was going to close the spreadsheet and leave it alone. What more do you want me to do?



Cletus said:


> Ah, I see you are one of those folks who was only looking for confirmation, not a challenging opinion.
> 
> I should start a spreadsheet ...


@Cletus I was just wondering how you were handling 2AM emergency calls from 2 states away. I assume you weren't, at least not personally.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Noman said:


> @Diana7 Oh, lord, Diana, I know you are right, but it is SO hard to forgive & forget. My wife has been focused, consciously or subconsciously, on her mom for 5 years as she slowly withered away.
> 
> Her mother passing set Mrs. Noman free in a way & now it's time for us to live for us. As we start finding success I think it will make it easier to just forget about all the BS that has happened.
> 
> ...


You won't forget but don't dwell on it. Forgiveness doesn't make you forget but it lifts the load from your mind. It gets rid of any bitterness and anger. 
Getting rid of the spread sheet is a good first step. 

Use any money left wisely and move on together.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Noman said:


> @Cletus I was just wondering how you were handling 2AM emergency calls from 2 states away. I assume you weren't, at least not personally.


Yes, I was. When it couldn't be handled over the phone, the response time was usually 24-36 hours for me to arrange to drive from my home in western Oregon to my father in Montana or, after he went into cognitive decline, wrecked his truck going the wrong way on a one way street in Idaho where he landed and we eventually put him in assisted living. Which still required me to come back when he was found to have a gun in his bag and was convinced the neighbor was tunneling into his apartment, among others.

Just a week ago, my brother who lives in Indiana had to drop everything to pick up my schizophrenic mother in Ohio who was holed up in a motel, seated on the toilet Winnie The Pooh style with her feet burned from the bottle of bleach she had poured on the floor to keep the "bugs" from crawling all over her. Which is just her latest break from reality.

Or the two times I have traveled 2500-3000 miles across country to rescue my bipolar sibling from an attempted suicide, packed up all of his **** into a moving van, and relocated him into a spare room in my house. 

Since keeping score seems to be so important to you, I hope I still get to play. No one has reimbursed me for any of these family crises. What little money was left when my father passed I forwarded to my brother for her continued care.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cletus said:


> Yes, I was. When it couldn't be handled over the phone, the response time was usually 24-36 hours for me to arrange to drive from my home in western Oregon to my father in Montana or, after he went into cognitive decline, wrecked his truck going the wrong way on a one way street in Idaho where he landed and we eventually put him in assisted living. Which still required me to come back when he was found to have a gun in his bag and was convinced the neighbor was tunneling into his apartment, among others.
> 
> Just a week ago, my brother who lives in Indiana had to drop everything to pick up my schizophrenic mother in Ohio who was holed up in a motel, seated on the toilet Winnie The Pooh style with her feet burned from the bottle of bleach she had poured on the floor to keep the "bugs" from crawling all over her. Which is just her latest break from reality.
> 
> ...


I always felt jealous of those whose parents lived into old age. My mum died in her 50's and dad in his 60's . However when I read things like this it makes me wonder if we would have ended up having to do things like you have.


----------



## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> He said one of the brothers us the executor.


And as the executor he can do as he well pleases outside of what is written in the will.


----------



## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

I think it would be nice if they provided some reimbursement. However, technically if it is not provided in the will, not sure how it gets reimbursed, people cannot change or override the will.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Zombie.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Cat says "No matter what your mileage is, this is still a zombie post! And, as a result, it must be closed down.


----------

