# Another statistic and another long story.



## Anotherstatistic (Feb 6, 2012)

The story begins before Christmas 2012. My wife threw out that she is thinking of separating. I ask her if she wanted to discuss it further, however got no response. After a couple of days, I asked her again. I was feed up with her dangling it over my head. Of course during the few days, I looked in to her phone records and found out she kept calling this guy. One call was 42 mins at 2am in the morning. It had fueled my rage, which then finally resulted in separation the day we discussed it. She claims she didn’t cheat on me. Her mom claims she will not do that. Her friend says the same. I have and accept that she didn’t. It is hard for me still to not think about it especially when I founded out she deleted text messages from this guy (long side story). After 5 weeks, we are still separated, of course. I live with my parents and she moves back and forth from her parents and the house I purchase during our marriage. On her side of the story, she has given the reason of separation like any other; “I’m not in love with your”, “We are not on the same page always”, “We are not happy” Blah blah blah. I have proven that I have done a lot for our relationship. She has stated “well it’s not enough”. I have cultivated that those are surface things and there is something deeper. I have found out more when I got deeper and touch a nerve (might be a wrong thing for me to do, to get her back). I realized that she didn’t want to be intimate with me. She closes up with people who get close to her (we all have some form of defense and barriers). I believe that is what really deteriorated our relationship. She is still doing to this day. At first, she wanted separation and leave courts out of it. She is scared of divorce because she does not want to lose our daughter. Right now she is looking into legal separation. It seems it is all forms of me not to move on and find another girl. It gives her space to come back after she sorts out her “single life” which was one of reason to separate. She of course won’t admit it. She still blames and points fingers at me. When I in turn to provide “feedback” to her, she will rationalize that I’m wrong. I know pointing figures is not a great thing to do. I am working on it. Example, couple of days ago, she texts me that she “super duper misses the house we created, the car, and other stuff. She doesn’t miss the relationship. She believes the relationship is at a dead end……maybe not…that’s just where she is at right now with it….” I responded “I agree relationship does need improvement”. I really wanted to say “what is this we thing? I worked for the house. I did the research. The loan is under my SS#. So is the car.” I stopped my pointing fingers. It just really saddens me that she will close off my thoughts and opinion which happens often in our marriage. A lot of readers probably wonder why I result in me putting myself through this. My answer is love. I do love her. I do not like her choices. That is a relationship, there are some choices I will not like as well will the other party. I’m just in the roller coaster improving myself and hoping for the best while preparing for the worst.
I am growing as a man to what I want to be. I know I have fails in the pass. I have also success in the pass. I state this to my fellow readers. I am a loving father, husband, person that will support my dreams and others by listening and being proactive to my future.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

You seem to say I did this and I did this. Does your wife work at all and contribute anything.


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## Anotherstatistic (Feb 6, 2012)

During the pregnancy, we mutually agree that she will take care of herself which in turn takes care of our daughter. Afterwards she would find a source of income. It took awhile for her to get a job. Once she did we shared the monthly expenses of course. When we discuss the splitting of the assets (between us a month ago), She told me that I can take the car. She knows that i worked hard in getting that car. As far with the house, she feels the same way. It just boggles my mind why she just now says "We". I do give her the fact that we contributed in paying for it.

Thank you accept for posting. Part of my post is to really realize my success. I feel that she does not see what I have done for the relationship and thinks everything in our pass 4 years was bad. My counselor said it sounds like a one way street. He recommends MC. of course, she fights it tooth and nail.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

What I dont understand is why you think doing the 'research' gives you entitlement. It should depend on who worked for the money to pay for it. You dont mention counselling. Is it really finished.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Now I have seen your edited post. You dont tell us what exactly she doesnt like about you. Perhaps you dont know. Until you do how do you expect to get further.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Since you reply I must add. That it is unusual for a W to say that everything in the past four years which I suppose is when you met or married was bad. Did you never have good times with her.


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## Anotherstatistic (Feb 6, 2012)

I agree 'research' is not meant for entitlement. There is some part of some appreciation, I believe. That is sort of my point, I really do not get the appreciation. We can all sit here and pick out the indifference in a relationship. A civil and healthy conversation should also accept and appreciate the positive events.

She doesn't tell me why she doesn't like me. She also doesn't tell me why she likes me. All her reason are surface issues. I know it is deeper. She says I am an awesome person. She text-ed me "She believes the relationship is at a dead end……maybe not…that’s just where she is at right now with it…." If its a dead end why not divorce. If it is a dead end, why does she say maybe not. Well its of course not over since papers are not signed yet. There is always hope. It will only get better until we realize and see the positives of our marriage. 

If your looking for what she doesn't like me one would be I do not go hiking with her. Well I have. I have ran the "Warrior dash" with her. I have hiked several trails with her. 2012, we went to Seattle to spend and hike the whole Washington park. All I ask me my fair achievements which is not looked at. Of course there is also the other side of the token, the negative failed actions. When I do not go hiking. That is all spoken to the death about. I am done and accept that those are my failed times.

FYI: I edited my post due to grammatical errors and spelling.


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## Anotherstatistic (Feb 6, 2012)

accept said:


> Since you reply I must add. That it is unusual for a W to say that everything in the past four years which I suppose is when you met or married was bad. Did you never have good times with her.


Yes I of course had great times with her. We rough house a lot in the pass. It stopped when I accidently threw her on the bed and she bounced and hit her head. That is my own fear and issue. We also had several "useless" car rides. In one of my post I wrote we had a lovely trip to Washington Park in Seattle. I work for an airline and we use to travel often. We visited my auntie in Newington, NH. We both loved it. The relationship went sour when our schedule got crazy. We rarely had a day off together.


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## Anotherstatistic (Feb 6, 2012)

To piggy back on my last post about good times, Yesterday Sun. I meet up with her for lunch. She told me that she misses our daughter. We all had a great time during her lunch. She text-ed me "that was the most fun lunch ever thank u"


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