# Vasectomy? or not?



## filo123 (Oct 31, 2012)

Since before we got married my wife an I talked about having kids and we both decided that we didn't want children. We were 23 and now four years later we are 27. Since we got married I have not changed my mind. To the contrary I am now more sure that I don't want kids. 

I don't feel my wife and I can be a unified front with the kids. She thinks I am even too strict with the dogs. I also see how she is with her nephews. I don't doubt that she is very loving. But when we have taken care of our nephews for the day, the feeding, the changing, the taking care of the kids I had to do. when she got tired she decides she wants to take a nap and goes to bed. If this is how she is with our nephews, this leads me to think that this would it would be like with our kids. 

Right now she doesn't like to cook, complains a lot about cleaning, about going grocery shopping, etc. etc. If she dislikes doing all these things now and often decides she doesn't want to do these for days. I am afraid this will all fall more on me.

Not to mention all the normal difficulties of being parents. Money, raising the child, teenage years, college, etc. etc.

I don't want kids. So that is the background of my story and my point of view. Now for my question to you all?

My wife doesn't like her birth control. she has tried a few types. Right now she has the implant on her arm. But she is having difficulty with it. So she told me the other day that I should be the one to deal with the Birth Control. We had talked about a vasectomy before so I asked if she would ever want to have children. 

She responded that she wasn't going to have any children if I didn't want to. So I should have a vasectomy because she knows that I don't want kids. But the way she said it and the tone she used made me feel she resented me already. 

I have asked her to give me an honest answer if she wants children in the future. And her answer is no. That sometimes she does have the "baby bug" but when she really thinks about it, she doesn't see us with children. Her actions and tone make me think she feels differently though.

I kinda feel bad that I don't want to have children. But, I would feel A LOT WORSE, having children and not give them the life they deserve and having to suffer with all the above situation.

Maybe I am overthinking this, but that is how I feel.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Don't do it at 27. Wait at least a few years before you do something so permanent. I didn't want kids when I was 27 but changed my mind when I was 33.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Don't want children? You're married to one and far too much of a doormat to realize it. She sounds like a spoiled little brat.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Even in our day and age, there really is no good choice when it comes to birth control. If you could come up with another method, I would wait another 5 years.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

There is no comparison between your own children vs your nieces and nephews or even your own dogs. Having your own is so much better and very rewarding. 

You might want to wait before having the permanent procedure done. It sounds like you are also weighing the idea back and fourth.


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## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Hubby and i had our daughter when we were 29. He already had two kids from his previous marriage. Financially, we had 3 kids. A few weeks after me giving birth, my husband had a vasectomy. We both would have wanted more kids but knew we couldn't afford them. It was a decision we made together but we were absolutely clear about this being a permanent thing.

My question to you would be: Would you want to have children if your wife was nurturing, great with kids, wouldn't complain about cleaning and taking care of the household and wouldn't make you feel like she resents you?


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## filo123 (Oct 31, 2012)

FourtyPlus said:


> My question to you would be: Would you want to have children if your wife was nurturing, great with kids, wouldn't complain about cleaning and taking care of the household and wouldn't make you feel like she resents you?


Probably not. I don't disagree that at sometime or another I do get a little itch. But, it is not long lasting. 

I'm a 95% no. 5% yes. 

We had decided to wait until we were 30 to decide on permanent procedures. But, since she has been uncomfortable with her current birth control and doesn't want to try any others, the vasectomy talk started up again. 

I could live with having a vasectomy and not having children. 

I just fear the resentment my wife would feel towards me if she cannot.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Maybe this is something to discuss with a counselor. She might be able to be more open about how she really feels. 

You need to know how she really feels about this - if you're 95/5, then she's probably not 100% for or against children either. You need to know how important this is to her. Lots of women have mommy-hormones act up in their 30's as their window for having children starts to diminish. You could end up divorced if you aren't truly on the same page.


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## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

I'll admit, I've gotten more than annoyed with playing birth control musical chairs. I've tried/been on every product under the sun. Currently I'm using the Mirena IUD and it's wonderful (although, disclaimer, insertion was fairly painful, as I've never delivered a child; it isn't as painful if you have had children). 

If her difficulty with birth control is due to the hormones, I understand that. It sucks to know that you're not you and it's not your fault.

Has she looked into the Paragard IUD? It's a non-hormonal IUD and lasts for 10 years.

Agreeing that the way she treats other children is not necessarily indicative of how she'll act with her own children. Also agreeing that she may want to chat with someone about this. It sounds like there's some resentment hiding there and without talking it out you won't be able to get anywhere in this issue.

Good luck!


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

filo123 said:


> Probably not. I don't disagree that at sometime or another I do get a little itch. But, it is not long lasting.
> 
> I'm a 95% no. 5% yes.
> 
> ...


more head! then no need for snip snip.


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