# My husbands girlfriend ended Emotional Affair



## Shelby (Nov 20, 2008)

I think my husbands girlfriend, for lack of a better word, ended the EA she was having with my husband. I almost feel sorry for him, kinda stupid isn't it? He dooesn't have a prepaid phone like I thought and there hasn't been any communication between them on his cell at all since 11-2-08. He's been moping around like he's lost his best friend, makes me sick!! I asked him last night if he was happy and he said no, I asked why and he said he didn't know. I asked if he were unhappy with me and he said of course not and he started crying. I know its because she won't have anything to do with him, sad isn't it? I've made up my mind that after the holidays, I'm asking him to leave. I deserve better than him, I'm so tired of this emotional roller coaster and I think enough is enough. He's done this before and I'm sure it'll be just a matter of time before he does it again, am I doing the right thing? I'm not even sure I love him anymore I think I haven't really loved him in the past 5 years, he had his full blown, threw it on my face, affair with a much much younger girl, we lived in NC and in any other state he would've been arrested. I should've let him go then...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Multiple EAs and a PA with a minor? He’s still “shopping”? TOW Probably dumped him for the same reasons. Yes you are doing the right thing, move on. This is not a marriage and you deserve better.


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## bo0 (Dec 12, 2008)

Yes ma'am. Good for you! I hope everything works out ok. He might make it difficult seeing how you have stuck with him through so much. Be prepared for that.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Good for you! I think that would be really hard and crushing to hear that he had been emotionally envolved and you do deserve someone who is into you and only you!


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i just think he wil go from this person and find another and so on and so on.
hes very inconsiderate , i mean mopin around in your own home after another girl. what a loser! hes mopin after the wrong one, it should be you.


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## Shelby (Nov 20, 2008)

Thanks Justean, you are so right, I think I am doing the right thing, it will be so hard for my little boy, he's only 8 and loves his dad..so sad, thanks to all of you for your support, its really shocking to see so many people coping with the same thing I am, do you sit there at night saying to yourself, how did it ever come to this? I do, every night. this is a great website to pour out your heart and soul and the undescribable hurt I feel..gosh its so very hard...


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## alpha6bravo2 (Sep 6, 2008)

A man that is happy at home will not cheat. period. And yes, from the information I read, I blame you at least 33%. It takes 3 people to cheat. A spouse and the 'other' are in the equation, but there's an uncaring spouse in the mix somewhere.
I've been in the situation, and I would NOT have made the emotional connection with the other woman if my wife had been there for me.

You say you haven't loved him for the past 5 years! So apparently everyone that has replied so far thinks it is his fault for finding love elsewhere when he's been trapped in a house with an unloving wife. 

Don't get too high on thinking how much better you are than this poor guy.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT!


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

Alpha Bravo - don't lay the blame on her - her husband had a choice - as does anyone who cheated - to come to their spouse and communicate why they are unhappy and why they have had thoughts about straying for various reasons. If he never told her he was unhappy or what was wrong with the marriage - exactly how could she have stopped it....mind reading?


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

exactly TNgirl232 is right I dont think its her fault I think that it does take a certain point and something is wrong when they stray of course you arent going to cheat if you are happy but still he cant put all the blame on her he should have told her how he felt and worked from there not gone out to find something else.


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## GPR (Jan 3, 2009)

alpha6bravo2 said:


> A man that is happy at home will not cheat. period. And yes, from the information I read, I blame you at least 33%. It takes 3 people to cheat. A spouse and the 'other' are in the equation, but there's an uncaring spouse in the mix somewhere.
> I've been in the situation, and I would NOT have made the emotional connection with the other woman if my wife had been there for me.
> 
> You say you haven't loved him for the past 5 years! So apparently everyone that has replied so far thinks it is his fault for finding love elsewhere when he's been trapped in a house with an unloving wife.
> ...



Seriously??? No wait.... Seriously? Are you kidding? 

First off, I agree that most happy spouses don't cheat, but that doesn't mean that some don't.

Now, he may not have been happy. He may not have been fulfilled, but that is no excuse to just go out and start screwing someone else! That's ridiculous! I can see the feelings of wanting something else if you are not happy, but you should address those before you start spreading your wealth around.

You saying its her fault is like a guy blaming McDonald's for being fat. "Well, if McDonald's wasn't there, I wouldn't have ate the food".... 

Simply stupid IMO


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## imustbcrazy2 (Mar 18, 2013)

alpha6bravo2 said:


> A man that is happy at home will not cheat. period. And yes, from the information I read, I blame you at least 33%. It takes 3 people to cheat. A spouse and the 'other' are in the equation, but there's an uncaring spouse in the mix somewhere.
> I've been in the situation, and I would NOT have made the emotional connection with the other woman if my wife had been there for me.
> 
> You say you haven't loved him for the past 5 years! So apparently everyone that has replied so far thinks it is his fault for finding love elsewhere when he's been trapped in a house with an unloving wife.
> ...





Oooh that's the talk of a guilty party.

My marriage had an emotional affair I wasn't aware of from the beginning.

My hubs BF was someone he had a huge crush on. I was always jealous but he said she was like a sister and that he had realized a long time before that there was no spark between them. Well flash forward 14 yrs later and I only realized my hub had been having EAs for almost the entirety of our marriage. 

He always swore they were just best friends and so did she but he put her before me always and shared everything with her. I was not emotionally unavailable at all ALTHOUGH HE LOVED TO TELL ME I WAS. The truth was I was up his A 24/7 but he loved to talk about her. When she got serious about a guy he got depressed. When she got engaged a couple years ago he admitted that she had come on to him really strongly while they were having lunch in the place of OUR first date. IDK why he took her there while he dropped me off to see my parents so he could go see her. Anyway, he stayed at the table with her. My father had mentioned that more than 3 ours out with another woman was innapropriate and I must've had my head up my A so when he got back I grilled him. He never mentioned anything innapropriate and when he did confess years later he defended her, saying she was going through something then. Well I never told him but a year before she got engaged well before he confessed, I had talked to her on the phone and she told me that she didn't believe we had a 3rd child and that she thought we would've been divorced by them and that she always thought she'd have been the one to marry him. That B was waiting for her chance the whole time. 

She disappeared after the engagement and he was mopey. He found another female best friend at work who was a lesbian. I told myself I was crazy for being jealous and his own brother asked me why I wasn't concerned with it. He hung out with her constantly and said she was like a sister. Again, suddenly everything I did was wrong and I was boring. Turns out she swung both ways because she took off her top at a party and told him she wanted to F him. He told me that a year after she had moved away. Said he lied about it because she was going through something and didn't want me to put the kibosh on their friendship. I was crushed. I had only found out about his old BF a year before. 

A yr ago he starts to get restless and hate me out of nowhere after going out with a friend and his girl and her friend. Starts getting depressed. Makes huge changes, complains, goes out more. Starts saying they're friends. By this time we're in marriage counseling and the counselor tells him this is inappropriate and he gets mad and clams up and he could have a friend if he wanted. IT WAS ME WITH THE TRUST ISSUES! 

Present day he forgets to turn down the volume on his phone and it wakes me in the night. He got a text of a very hot girl in her bra. I freak out. I go through his texts. He was still texting this new girl "friend". I tell him and he gets all upset about me invading his privacy and says he doesn't know where the pic came from and that I had read the text wrong. He deleted it and when I asked him to reread it he said he couldn't. I had emailed them and the pictures to myself and had already hacked his FB by then and checked my phone bill. He was caught but denied everything. He told me to trust him then changed all his passwords. I contacted his old BF on FB and asked her to explain what she did. I didn't believe that she would make such an overt sexual suggestion without getting some kind of cue from him. Something that told her that that was the time. She denied everything. He was mad when I told him I asked her. He said I ruined his friendship but that she had done that. I told him how he had obviously not rejected her in a way that she took seriously if she hadn't had any serious relationships because she was holding out for him. All this and all the lies and all my googling and I woke up with the words EMOTIONAL AFFAIR on my mind. I told him that's what he had had multiple times and that my trust issues weren't as crazy as he made me out to be. I was never his number one! He of course denied so I read to him off WIKIPEDIA what the definition of an emotional affair was and he started crying and apologizing but he said he wasn't having an emotional affair. His friends were. I wonder if I'll ever trust him again. No matter what I had told him throughout our marriage about lines that shouldn't be crossed he says he didn't know what the lines were. He always made it my fault. My fault I was boring because I had an infant at home. My fault I was fat and pregnant. My fault I was sick. I didn't love him enough though I waited on him hand and foot and praised him even when he didn't deserve it. I thanked him every day he worked and worked two jobs when he didn't. I took care of him and got up at an ungodly hour to make his lunch and kiss him goodbye. I was a pornstar in the bedroom and betty crocker in the kitchen. I SPENT FOURTEEN YEARS TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME, WHAT I WAS LACKING, WHAT MORE I COULD DO, WHY I WASN'T HIS NUMBER ONE. He's always said his emotional distance with me was because of how he was raised. It kills me to know that he opened up to other women. I'm his wife. I'm supposed to be his best friend......


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Zombie thread from 4 years ago...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

alpha6bravo2 said:


> A man that is happy at home will not cheat. period. And yes, from the information I read, I blame you at least 33%. It takes 3 people to cheat. A spouse and the 'other' are in the equation, but there's an uncaring spouse in the mix somewhere.
> I've been in the situation, and I would NOT have made the emotional connection with the other woman if my wife had been there for me.
> 
> You say you haven't loved him for the past 5 years! So apparently everyone that has replied so far thinks it is his fault for finding love elsewhere when he's been trapped in a house with an unloving wife.
> ...


Alpha judging by your join date and your number of posts I am willing to bet you are new here. So I am gonna give you some advice. It is obvious you don't understand what happens in an Affair. But there is this thing called trust. And if you have a gut instict someone is on someone. There is this emotion called guilt. It can cause you to withdraw from a marriage, your spouse, your friends, and even family. You go to the only person you can turn to for comfort and that is the person that is ruining your marriage. I wouldn't doubt if you were the OP's husband. Everyone is responsible for their share the marriage 50 /50 . But when someone goes outside of their marriage and starts a fantasy relationship with someone the fantasy becomes their life. 
The marriage is just a part of the fantasy and will do anything and everyting to chase that fantasy. He husband could have gone to a MC to get help or sat down and asked for more love. They could have worked together to solve their marriage issues. Instead he chose to bury them, find a way to get his rocks off, and pretend to be happy. 
You my friend are mistaken. I suggest you read or lurk a heck of a lot more before posting because this post doesn't help anyone.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)




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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

alpha6bravo2 said:


> A man that is happy at home will not cheat. period. And yes, from the information I read, I blame you at least 33%. It takes 3 people to cheat. A spouse and the 'other' are in the equation, but there's an uncaring spouse in the mix somewhere.
> I've been in the situation, and I would NOT have made the emotional connection with the other woman if my wife had been there for me.
> 
> You say you haven't loved him for the past 5 years! So apparently everyone that has replied so far thinks it is his fault for finding love elsewhere when he's been trapped in a house with an unloving wife.
> ...


He must be some kind of wonderful!! :smthumbup: The love he found elsewhere left him too :scratchhead: He's little bo peep looking for love but can't find it  Finally his poor wife will free herself from his fabulous character, so a real man can give her the love she deserves and it will no longer be her fault!


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

Jasel said:


>


The dude in the yellow hat looks a lot like my STBXH.

On a good day.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Zombie thread.


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## totamm (May 1, 2012)

alpha6bravo2 said:


> A man that is happy at home will not cheat. period. .. I've been in the situation, and I would NOT have made the emotional connection with the other woman if my wife had been there for me.


Gotta love those generalizations.

Because alpha6bravo2 was in a situation where he could cheat, -and gave in to temptation- "because his wife wasn't there for him", he just naturally takes the impression that no man will cheat if his wife is there for him. 

Very convenient excuse to validate his own deceptive ways.



survivorwife said:


> The dude in the yellow hat looks a lot like my STBXH.
> 
> On a good day.
> 
> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:


What's with all the hijacking?

So what it's an old thread. Obviously newcomers read them and hopefully gain something from them. This sort of thing makes it much more difficult and probably leaves newbies shaking their heads. By the way, did your soon to be ex suddenly turn ugly only after he left you?


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

this thread has been dead for years let it die


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