# Should I Still Feel Like This?



## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

Well we are at the 10 month mark, he hasn't done anything bizarre since February, so have had no contact at all in that time. Life is carrying on, job going well, learning to drive, joined the gym, changed my image, getting out with the dog, joined social groups...etc etc.

But I still really, really miss him. There is still a huge hole in my life that he used to fill. I still think about him everyday, I still love him, I know what he did was wrong and he was completely heartless, but I miss the man I fell in love with. I miss our life and the fun we had, the conversations, I miss how he made my heart leap whenever he walked in a room. I know the end was bad but I miss the good times and the good times were great. 

I was out last week with friends and we'd had a few drinks and we were taking about marital status to a new person and I said I was separated and my friend added "but she still loves him" like it was an accusation, like I was wrong to still have feelings for this man that I vowed to love forever. It really hurt. 

Its my birthday next week and I can't help thinking back to last year, when we went out with friends and he was really attentive, he bought me some lovely jewelery and the most romantic card he had ever got me with the sweetest message (it made me cry it was so loving - ok it was probably guilt but I didn't know that). 

I want to stop feeling this loss, when does it stop being so hard.


----------



## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I'm so sorry hun. I totally feel the same way. It's only been about 6 weeks since he moved out, and 3 since he texted me that he was done with it all and there was no going back. Yeah, TEXTED. Hasn't even sat down to me face to face and had a conversation about the fate of our marriage. He continues to lie to me about OW and say that he will no longer defend himself because I believe what I want to believe. It's obvious. I can't handle the way he treats me but why do I still love him and remember the good times? 

Are you in the process of divorce? Or just in limbo? I am not making the move towards divorce, so I'm waiting for H to file. But I am going to pack his stuff up. I can't allow him in my life, as he keeps tearing me down. My kids are suffering, and today I go the whole day without seeing them which isn't fair. He broke his vows and took off, not me and the kids. But I'm all alone today.

Everyone talks about the fog on there. But someone posted about how we are in a similar fog. While they see just the negatives, we see just the positives. And in time our fog lifts as well and we see our spouse as the person they really are now. Not who they used to be. And I believe this. Just waiting for mine to clear.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry to hear you are feeling bad. 

It does get better, with time, promise.

Sounds like you guys are in Limbo. What is the status of your relationship? Are you guys still hanging out/talking or nothing at all? Has either party filed for divorce.


----------



## everantisocial (Jun 29, 2010)

I'm leaving him to sort the divorce, he wanted all this so he can sort it out and pay for it. Quite surprised actually at first he was talking divorce straight away, but I managed to get him to agree to wait till the new year so I had time to get my head around things, but nothing. It is a bit of limbo as I have it hanging over my head all the time and wait for the papers to appear on my door mat. But I'm not ready to deal with it yet and the contact it would mean if I pursued it. 

Just really down at the moment, think its having to deal with another 'first', done wedding anniversary, christmas, new year and now its birthday...just feel like I've taken a big step back the last week or so, feel like hiding in bed again.


----------

