# Wife cheated and I'm needing advise..



## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

Hello everyone, I'm new here and this is my first time posting. I have been scouring the web for a situation like mine, I know it exists, but havent come across it yet and hoping I can get some sound advise on here. I would tell the whole story but I don't think anyone wants to read a book. Basically my wife since 2005 had an affair last March, not cheated, but a full fledged relationship with a guy that hangs out at the bar her moms owns (she was in on it also, even encouraged them). So I bust them leaving a hotel one morning after the guys wife contacted me, from what we determined it had been going on a couple months. I don't get violent or cuss.. Just calmly say I want a divorce. A week or so later we talk some (mainly about the divorce, dogs, vehicles, etc.).. So a month of blah..blah.. goes by and we decide to try to work thing out. She comes home May 1st and I put the divorce on hold. Since she had been home she has done NOTHING! Not laundry, no house cleaning, no cooking, she quit her job to come home so I have been paying everything, and has only been intimate with me 2 times since she came home. But talks like we are fine. I am one who believes things should be 50/50 but if I'm working 50hrs a week and she is at home I don't think I whould have to do laundry at 9 at night because she has been watching tv all day. After the affair and now the way she has been since I'm over it and her. Am I an A-hole if I go to her and say I want I divorce after saying I wanted to work it out? She slept with another man more in 2 months than she had with me all year and shows no desire to do so even though I am doing everything. I know the common advise is to sit down and tell her how you feel, but we covered all that when we decided to work things out and she has held up 0% of the bargain on her end. Another thing is she has never carde for my family, always been self centered, and never hardly did anything in the house. Why to I feel like an A** asking for a divorce after all that? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.. P.S. This is my second marriage, I married my high school sweet heart in 99 and she did the same thing to me..which my wife knows.. I guess I''m just to nice and am seen as a doormat..


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Do not feel guilty about filing. 

Have her get a job and get out of the house.

Then divorce. Does she just want you for alimony?

Go NC on her. Read about the 180 and hopefully the third time will be better.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

If you have no kids, run.

I'd say expose before running but her mom seems to be a real "mama".. So no good will come from exposure. Even OMW knows.

Run, sir. Don't bother, just run.


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## Differentguy (Oct 3, 2013)

Daryle,

Sorry you are here, but there are great posters here that can give you amazing advice.

Do you have children? Are you going to counseling? Have you called her out for not doing anything?


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

Honestly all I think I am is a paycheck and the easy thing to do. With me I pay for everything and never say anything about her not pulling her weight. I think she's just to lazy for real life. I think if she won the lottery tonight she would leave tomorrow... What kills me is we are in TN which is a no fault state.. I could have had a video of her and him getting it on and it wouldnt matter when it come to marrital assets. Luckily the home we live in my dad and I built and he said it was mine the only catch was it had to stay in his name ( since I was already married). So my home is secure...


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

The good thing is you have no children.. It makes things less complicated.

Why you feel like an Ahole is beyond me.. You pretty much made your point.. You stuck to your half of the bargain and she has not.. That is the reason why you decided to proceed with the divorce.

Since you are working 50 hours a week, then you don't know if this other man is coming over your house when your not home, or she is just going out to meet him..

Since they went to a hotel it seems he is involved with someone as well. Rat this guy out to his spouse or girlfriend.. 

If you really both want to fix this you will need counseling and it really does take 2.. Don't be a fool like I was and spend 3500 dollars in counseling over a 4 month period just to find out your wife was faking it and was leaving anyways..

You should take the time and read some of the stories here. Yes they are long but some like myself try to chronologically put things down with dates so you can get a feel of what is going on day by day and week by week.. My story is in my signature labeled my mistakes.. At least you get to see what mistakes I did and why.. Let that be a guide to you for not following down the same path..

What everyone is going to tell you is this simple true statement.. You have to be really ready to let this marriage go to save it.. 

Look if you file for divorce and she if doesn't change well it is obvious she doesn't want to be married but just doesn't want to be the bad guy or have the guts to do it.. My wife wanted a divorce in the end but didn't lift a finger to get the ball rolling.. She asked me for a divorce and told me we were done.. Within 3 weeks I had papers for her to sign. She dragged it out for MONTHS.. I am still waiting now 6 months later for it to be finalized.. 

If she really does not want the divorce you will honestly know it.. Sometimes people really have to look over the cliff before they are afraid to fall.. 

Look I loved my wife.. I begged and cried for not to leave, repeatedly.. I would have done anything to fix my marriage.. But she wouldn't.. My wife left me and our kids for the most part..

If your wife loves you she will beg and cry to stay or at least show you more emotions than she is showing now..


File for divorce and tell her she failed you and this marriage.. No long stories.. Let her fight for you to stay.. Just make sure its genuine.. Wolf in sheeps clothing my friend.. Wolf in sheeps clothing...


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

It's not out of the question that her mom - or someone - advised her to quit her job and play you for a while to increase marital support. 

Why do you suppose her mom encouraged her? What does she have against you? Is there something you're not revealing?


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

We don't have kids (THANK THE LORD). I mentioned going to counseling and she went off.. (she doesn't want s*x cause I'm not romantic enough, she doesn't do stuff in the house because I don't take her out enough).. Every problem we have according to her is my fault.. so why would she want to go to counseling. She did say that (I) needed counseling because it shouldn't be as hard to get over what she did as I am making it...


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

She's a parasite. Kick her to the curb.

Then, work on your doormat "nice guy" tendencies.

Good luck!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You got played.
Your wife stopped the affair and went back and continued to abuse you.

From were I'm sitting the exit affair was not going to be in her favor so she bought her time and the divorce is now more about your problem then her cheating.

She wanted out a long time ago, but now she isn't cheating so now you lost that card. She is now putting the divorce on you, she stopped her affair and came back so now you are the cause and it is now your choice to break up the family.

OR

She finds you weak for taking her back and knows you ain't going any were and can now get away with what ever she wants.


At the end of the day no matter what the reason for "working things out" your old lady has lost *all* respect for you........


Start the 180 and get back on course with the divorce, pull your self respect out of your chick's purse and work on building your self back up.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

You feel bad because you don't have confidence in yourself right now. She ripped that away when doing the most sacred things in your marriage with another man. This is normal. Her doing what she is doing is not surprising. 

You seriously need to put it on the line. Write her a list and tell her unless these things change you have listed on the list then she is to leave no questions asked. Its not your fault she cheated on you. But it will be you fault if she continues to use you like a doormat and a paycheck. 

I am sorry it has happened to you but now you have to do what is write for you. 

Clay


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Daryle ~ File for D immediately and get yourself tested for the presence of STD's. With hindsight being 20/20, you were a fool for sleeping with her unchecked, when she came back home to you!

There are way too many women out there who would love you for who you truly are!

Give her the air!*


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

Thank you already for the advise..Little more info.. we live in a medium size town in East TN .. she worked in knoxville 45 min away and also where her moms bar is. The married man she cheated on me with is a good friend of her moms (my mother in-law also friends with this guys wife) apprentyl everyone at that bar knew it and encouraged it. Her mom posts pics on FB almost every weekend of this guy with her friends at the bar. Also, if my wife wants to go to the bar on a Saturday night she doesn't want me there so she can have mom-daughter time, but get's irrate when I say I don't feel comfortable with her going up there.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Daryle_TN said:


> Honestly all I think I am is a paycheck


Why do you think that? You are a pay check!

Stop tolorating this emotional torture and do something about it!

Poeple will push you and push you if you don't have any boundries.

Your old lady is a big bully, she takes your lunch money day after day and yet you do nothing about...sure standing up to her and divorcing most likely will get you hurt, but at least it will stop.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Sounds like the affair just went underground! Have you seen an attorney yet?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Well, you've gotten plenty of good advise - and it's unanimous: Drop her!

If you don't drop her, then try hitting your fingers with a hammer every time she goes out. It won't be as painful as watching her go.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

She is still going to the bar where she cheated alone?

The affair hasn't ended most likely good grief.

File don't tell her just do it.
She has zero respect for you that is the only chance you have.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Daryle_TN said:


> Thank you already for the advise..Little more info.. we live in a medium size town in East TN .. she worked in knoxville 45 min away and also where her moms bar is. The married man she cheated on me with is a good friend of her moms (my mother in-law also friends with this guys wife) apprentyl everyone at that bar knew it and encouraged it. Her mom posts pics on FB almost every weekend of this guy with her friends at the bar. Also, if my wife wants to go to the bar on a Saturday night she doesn't want me there so she can have mom-daughter time, but get's irrate when I say I don't feel comfortable with her going up there.


You don't feel comfortable cuz your gut is telling you something is wrong.
That little voice in the back of your head is trying to protect you and to get out before you catch a STD or end up raising another mans baby.

I bet if you hired a PI to go in that bar with a hidden camera...what you would see would have you running to the divorce lawayer.

Sorry brother bad behavior continues with out consequences, you gave her no consequences the first time around so what makes you think she ain't at it again????

Hell from were I'm sitting you actually rewarded her for her adultery.

Have you been check for STD's yet?

How long has she been behaving like this?


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I don't think you're an Ahole for wanting a divorce.What does she or better yet what did she bring to the table that made you think that marriage to her would be good in the first place? Does she still frequent her mom's bar and what the he!! is with the mom anyway?


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

She doesn't sound invested in the relationship. It was mentioned earlier, but check into how assests are divided. She may be close to being entitiled to part of any future social security and pension payments and was advised to come hold it together for a little longer.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm curious, what time does she come home Sunday morning.

In my case my old lady would come home around noon and slept the whole day and into the night.

I use to hate it when my old lady would strick out and come home early (2 AM was early) and wanted it from me. Talk about a grug phuck...I did some bad things when she was in that state...and I ain't very proud of them.

The point is you can have such a healthier and happier life with out this betrayal and deciet in your life, please pull your head out of the sand....trust me you won;t like what you see but you can make it better in the long run.


I had enough 3-1/2 years ago.

The going out until the next morning, the coming home drunk (when she came home) the messy house, the kids missing school, the looking for her car the next morning, the disrespect i general was off the charts for me.

The final straw was her going to bed with me and waking up in the middle of the night and she was gone, only to wake up the next morning with her next to me...... 


I diserved better...you diserve better!!!!!!!


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Daryle_TN said:


> Thank you already for the advise..Little more info.. we live in a medium size town in East TN .. she worked in knoxville 45 min away and also where her moms bar is. The married man she cheated on me with is a good friend of her moms (my mother in-law also friends with this guys wife) apprentyl everyone at that bar knew it and encouraged it. Her mom posts pics on FB almost every weekend of this guy with her friends at the bar. Also, if my wife wants to go to the bar on a Saturday night she doesn't want me there so she can have mom-daughter time, but get's irrate when I say I don't feel comfortable with her going up there.


Three types of people frequent bars:

Drunks, cheats, and liars.

Divorce her, and let her hang out with her type. You deserve better.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

OP this is a serious wake up call to who your wife REALLY is.

let this sink in real good.......she is a self absorbed cheater who blames you for everything!! its narcisism plain and simple.

the only way to actually have any sort of credibility with your wife is to rock her world on a scale she never though possible.

this means playing hard ball. pack her bags. expose her to the world. cut her out of you life like cancer. its the only chance and a slim one at that, that she might actually see that the problem is her, not you.

go to war.


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

To answer some.. she brings nothing to the table. I benefit ZERO from this marriage. No help financially, no help at home, no sex.. but god forbid I bring home Ocharleys for dinner and forgot to ask for bbq sauce I better be going back to town. Also she had no credit when we met. My mom cosigned for her 1st 2 vehicles. yet she won't go around my mom because "she is to emotional since my dad passed away"... I also just found out that while she was gone that month her aunt loaned her $4000.00. She blew it on him and her and asked my last week if I would start making payments to her aunt until she get's a job. And found out before she came back she had a pregnancy test.. so guess they were not using protection.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Daryle_TN said:


> To answer some.. she brings nothing to the table. I benefit ZERO from this marriage. No help financially, no help at home, no sex.. but god forbid I bring home Ocharleys for dinner and forgot to ask for bbq sauce I better be going back to town. Also she had no credit when we met. My mom cosigned for her 1st 2 vehicles. yet she won't go around my mom because "she is to emotional since my dad passed away"... I also just found out that while she was gone that month her aunt loaned her $4000.00. She blew it on him and her and asked my last week if I would start making payments to her aunt until she get's a job. And found out before she came back she had a pregnancy test.. so guess they were not using protection.


You know what you have to do.
File and don't look back wow is she a tramp,sorry.


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

I guess I'm just to nice.. I've put up with more than I think most people would have. Thank you all again for the comments. I just really needed some unbiased opinions. Her friends tell me to give her some time (as expected) and my friends tell me to have her stuff packed in her car when she wakes up in the morning.. To give another example of how stupid I am I'm driving a 2003 silverado with 150k miles on it I bought in 04 and she is driving a 2009 BMW. No I don't make much money, barely middle class, I've just always tried to give her what she want in which I believe I'm patially to blame for how she has ended up. I guess I've kissed her butt to much.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

I'm going to be blunt with you my friend. Keep this in mind:

She already has a pvssy so she doesn't need to be married to one. And you already have an azhole so you don't need one for a wife.


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

walkonmars.. to your question on page one.. after I found out about the affair her mom called me saying she is so sorry about what I'm going through, she loves me, she there if I need her, and then please don't rush into a divorce, give her a little time, blah blah blah.. I don't think there's anything I'm not revealing. I've never layed a hand on my wife, I have yet to ever cuss or yell at her, I don't drink, and I take care of everything at the house and try to get her anything she asks for. The only thing I know of that I'm doin wrong is when I reach the breaking point I shut down and don't talk much and wait for the feeling to pass. What she does is when she see's I'm getting fed up she starts doing great for about a week or so. Then when I get comfortable she goes back to being an Ahole and doing nothing. Like she knows I won't ask for a divorce while she is being nice cause I would feel bad... I'm a moron..


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

Your right!


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## NativeSun09 (Mar 28, 2013)

Divorce her. Like yesterday. And get her out of your life. Seriously, your wife is playing you. Do not let her string you along. Kick her @ss to the curb. She is a lazy, cheating bum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Dude, read up on the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" and "Married Man's Sex Life Primer". Might not help you with your current wife, but it might help you avoid the situation with the next one.

C


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Daryle_TN said:


> ... her mom called me saying she is so sorry about what I'm going through, she loves me, she there if I need her, and then please don't rush into a divorce, give her a little time, blah blah blah...


Words are cheap. If your MIL reallllly meant what she said, she'd be sure your wife never showed up at her bar without you. Not ever!

IMO, your MIL is protecting her good friend (the OM). 

BTW - no way should you pay one cent for the loan one of her relatives made. Her whole family has you pegged as a chump. If you start paying off the loan, the next thing you know is that she allegedly received another "loan" from someone else. 

Stiffen your spine. You're not a moron. You're in shock - your family doesn't act like hers. Now you know how callous some people can be. 

You'll be fine without her. In fact you'll thrive. Get going on the divorce and start the 180. (The 180 is linked on my sig line below). 

PS: ignore her tears - crocodile tears are as cheap as words.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

First.........no way do you pay a dime for the loan!!! Make sure you have absolute control of the finances even if you have to redirect your pay to another bank. Finally...tell her your done and to go back to her moms bar and look for another married man!!!


P.S. Her mother was full of **** when she talked to you she was just making sure the bank(you) stays open for her daughter!!! And was probably laughing when she did.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I don't mean to be rude, but you'd be stupid to waste your life with this woman.

Get a divorce and move on from this cancer and her family. 

You already stated that she brings nothing to the table and you are her doormat...there's nothing left to say.

No need to keep venting about your situation...save your breath start making some changes in your life. Live and learn from this crap...you'll be happier in the long run.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stop telling her or even asking her for a divorce and just file and have her served.

At least you won't have to deal with the fake bull crap, and I bet if you have her served she will bo so pissed off in that how dare you do this to her she won't play the fake nice crap on you.

At the very least go see a lawyer on the down low and understand your options.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If your not quit there yet in pulling the trigger at least go take advandage of some free consultation from a few lawyers in town and go from there.

Try to see all the top lawyers, this will limit any chance for your old lady to get them after you already consulted with them.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

tulsy said:


> I don't mean to be rude, but you'd be stupid to waste your life with this woman.
> 
> Get a divorce and move on from this cancer and her family.
> 
> ...


And when you have her served carry a VAR on you because frankly you can't trust her not calling the cops and filing a false dv charge on you then cleaning out your bank account.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Please tell us your not paying her aunt back money she spent on her boyfriend
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

Spend the money on a lawyer. Better investment
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

If you can leave your 1st lying cheating wife then you can leave this one too. 
Pack her things, drop them off at the bar. Take the BMW home


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Your wife clearly thinks you are an idiot and a fool. If you stay with her then should would be correct. She clearly has no respect for you or your marriage whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

You know the answer. You had it correct in your first marriage. The same applies here.

You should be asking yourself why you marry the type of women you do. After this divorce, your second, sit down after your emotions have stabilize and figure out why. Talk to your friends, talk to your counselor, talk to your siblings, post here, post elsewhere, talk and figure out why. Find a solution. Work on it.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

She spends 4k on a boyfriend and her mom says "don't rush into divorce, just let her bang him some more". And she asked you to repay his aunt.

Ah, there we find a family of real nice womenfolk. What does FIL say all about this, if he's in the picture?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just file, have her served at the bar, and have her stuff packed when she gets home. You don't have to say a WORD.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Daryle_TN said:


> I guess I''m just to nice and am seen as a doormat..


You're a smart guy. You have an argument there that cannot be successfully challenged. You know the score my man.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Daryle_TN said:


> Thank you already for the advise..Little more info.. we live in a medium size town in East TN .. she worked in knoxville 45 min away and also where her moms bar is. The married man she cheated on me with is a good friend of her moms (my mother in-law also friends with this guys wife) apprentyl everyone at that bar knew it and encouraged it. Her mom posts pics on FB almost every weekend of this guy with her friends at the bar. Also, if my wife wants to go to the bar on a Saturday night she doesn't want me there so she can have mom-daughter time, but get's irrate when I say I don't feel comfortable with her going up there.



Well you just said it. If she goes she going to be with him. No you need to decide what you want. 

Do you want to be with someone that is willing to hurt you right in front of your face? 

If not then its time to wake her up. Tell her if she goes Friday night to not come back. You need to lead with action instead of talk. Talking is clearly failing you and she is going to run right over the top of you if you let her. 

If you cant lock her out of the house then you leave and go stay with friends. Give her No Contact at all. Take time to figure out what you really want. I personally would not put up with that but that is just me. 

Clay


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Clay2013 said:


> Well you just said it. If she goes she going to be with him. No you need to decide what you want.
> 
> Do you want to be with someone that is willing to hurt you right in front of your face?
> 
> ...


And if the car you gave her is in your name switch with her and let her drive the one with 150,000.:lol:


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Yeah, um' like Divorce her. Like yesterday. 

Divorce. Divorce. Never talk to her again, No contact, move on. 

Your wife is a toxic parasitic presence. You have to "exterminate" it. 

Divorce is the only sane thing to do here. 

Good luck.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Mother daughter time at a bar??? Especially on the week end when business is at its highest volumn????

How can they have mother daughter time when there is work to done around the business and cutomer to tend to?

I imagine your MIL would be pretty busy so what would your wife be doing while your MIL is running the bar?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Make sure that when your split the marital assets the car values go into the pot. No way you just saw junk heap for you, BMW for her. That is great.

Right now do a mild 180 on her. Don't bother trying to keep track of her. Cut off all money. Also, since your dad is the landlord, I suggest that he evict you and your wife into the street. Find out what the legal minimum for eviction, have your dad write a letter informing you that you must leave because he is seliing the house.

When the move out day comes you simply do not move with her go put all her stuff in storage ahead of time. Your dad and you can change the locks. You can leave your stuff at home. Your furniture can't be worth so much. Take pictures of everything and calculate the value.

You can make a list of all the stuff and then let one person do the valutation and allow the other first choice to buy or not.

Let her go and work in the bar.

There was a guy on TAM, a musician, his wife worked in a bar and started screwing a biker who dealt cocaine. He loved her but she was so weak and stupid. Unfortunately, they had children.

She begged over and over for a second chance. He wrote a song about her. Pretty good one. Something about a sad, sad face.

By the way lucky you figured out the deal with your wife before you had children.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Daryle_TN said:


> walkonmars.. to your question on page one.. after I found out about the affair her mom called me saying she is so sorry about what I'm going through, she loves me, she there if I need her, and then please don't rush into a divorce, give her a little time, blah blah blah.. I don't think there's anything I'm not revealing. I've never layed a hand on my wife, I have yet to ever cuss or yell at her, I don't drink, and I take care of everything at the house and try to get her anything she asks for. The only thing I know of that I'm doin wrong is when I reach the breaking point I shut down and don't talk much and wait for the feeling to pass. What she does is when she see's I'm getting fed up she starts doing great for about a week or so. Then when I get comfortable she goes back to being an Ahole and doing nothing. Like she knows I won't ask for a divorce while she is being nice cause I would feel bad... I'm a moron..


OP Have you ever heard the saying "Give a woman the world and eventually she will despise you"

Now I truly understand it

You own the house her name is not on the deed

Get her out send her packing to Mama and the OM


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I would take her car in and trade it in on something cheap, and have it put in her name. Pay the insurance for one month. Then I would cut off all money, credit cards etc. Stop talking to her or taking her anywhere. Then she will run back to momma. THEN file for divorce.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Send this video (I'm going to f**k Your Mother") **** Your Mother - YouTube to your 'wife' (though I use that term loosely) and your mother-in-law.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Darlyle

Stop having sex with her.

Get checked for STD's.

File for divorce.

Secure all your money.

Do not pay her bills.

And make sure your attorney is really good.

Is your wife pregnant? Are you sure?

Send her back to Mommy.

HM


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I'll give her credit. She's no dummy. But you are. What happened was you busted her affair so now she's making you pay for it. NEWS FLASH!!!! You should be making her pay for it.

First of all, whose name is on the BMW? if it's in your name, sell it. If not tell her that if she wants the car, then get a job and have her pay for the gas, tires, insurance, all the stuff to keep the car on the road. 

Next thing is if you don't have the balls to kick her out, then tell her that from now on, every bill that you two have will be split 50/50. If she can't pay for the food, don't feed her. Come home with take out food, sit down and eat. 

But honestly the most important thing you need to do is file for divorce, and move the hell on. She's doing all this on purpose and for a reason. You ended her fling. Not to mention, if you know who the guy is, tell his wife if he's is.

Next if it's your house, then tell her to either get a job or get out. Pack her crap up and drop it off at her Mothers dive and tell the old lady, she's your daughter. Keep her. And tell the MIL that she did a real $h!tty job raising her. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The FIRST thing you need to do is tell your dad what she's doing and ask him to take back the house - and kick her out.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

1. Keep quiet, don't tell your wife what you plan.
2. Lawyer up. See about the house. Who really owns it and what does your wife get or doesn't get.
3. File for D.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Daryle_TN said:


> Thank you already for the advise..Little more info.. we live in a medium size town in East TN .. she worked in knoxville 45 min away and also where her moms bar is. The married man she cheated on me with is a good friend of her moms (my mother in-law also friends with this guys wife) apprentyl everyone at that bar knew it and encouraged it. Her mom posts pics on FB almost every weekend of this guy with her friends at the bar. Also, if my wife wants to go to the bar on a Saturday night she doesn't want me there so she can have mom-daughter time, but get's irrate when I say I don't feel comfortable with her going up there.


Don't be surprised when you find out that she is still cheating with him.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Daryle_TN said:


> I guess I'm just to nice.. I've put up with more than I think most people would have. Thank you all again for the comments. I just really needed some unbiased opinions. Her friends tell me to give her some time (as expected) and my friends tell me to have her stuff packed in her car when she wakes up in the morning.. To give another example of how stupid I am I'm driving a 2003 silverado with 150k miles on it I bought in 04 and she is driving a 2009 BMW. No I don't make much money, barely middle class, I've just always tried to give her what she want in which I believe I'm patially to blame for how she has ended up. I guess I've kissed her butt to much.


Take the BMW and dump your silverado on her.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

Interesting thread and yet I now find myself questioning if there really is a place called Tennessee!!


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

You have been divorced earlier but I dont think you learned anything from that.

I have only one thing to say, You are a man, live like a man so grow a pair.


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

Again thank you for all the good advice. A major thing I left out is...When she cheated on me initially in March/April I filed for divorce and talked to an attourney. He said she cannot touch the house. After she talked me into trying to work things out I had my attourney put everything on hold. Funny thing is I got a letter in the mail from him last Friday saying that If I decided to go through with this the court date is set for November 25. I need to call and cancel with him or show up there and get it all done. Seems like a sign to me. I think this evening I'm going to tell her I want a divorce. I'm just done.. The truck is paid for the BMW is not. We owe roughly 11k on it. EVERYTHING is in my name. So I hate to do this but I think the safest bet for me is to tell her she can have the truck and I keep the car. There is NO reason for her to be motivated to make the car payment when her name is nowhere on it. Dammit this sucks.. I don't feel like going through this Shi** again... but I've just reached the point where I've bent over backwards so many times and got NOTHING from her that I'm done.. Not to be to personal but hell.. even though she had made not effort toward anything I took her out for our Anniversay (August 15) and treated her like a queen. We get home and just says " goodnight, I'm going to bed"... My wife and I have been intimate 2 times in the last 6 months and both of those were her 1st month back. She has slept with another more this year than she has me!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Daryl, I think you can safely say that the only one without sex in this marriage is you. She is still sleeping with her lover when she is visiting her mother.


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

Your right.. I didn't learn anything! I keep letting women walk all over me. But I think I've reached my breaking point now. If was had the mindset when I met her that I do now we would have never made it to marriage...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Two times is twice too many. Cut her off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Daryle_TN said:


> Your right.. I didn't learn anything! I keep letting women walk all over me. But I think I've reached my breaking point now. If was had the mindset when I met her that I do now we would have never made it to marriage...


Better late than never


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Now make the first steps to change you future. So you get through this and won't repeat it a third time...

1) Tell the lawyer to proceed with D. 

2) Print this list and live it.
180 List - No More Mr. Nice Guy Online Support Group


3) Like others have suggested to you, click on this link, download the pdf and start reading this book today. 
No More Mr Nice Guy

Good luck.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You know what needs to be done. She doesn't love you or respect you. 

You have no kids with her. 

Her own mother is toxic to your marriage. 

Finish the divorce and rejoice at the opportunity to rebuild your life without her in it. 

You will be immensely better off without her. 

Do not fall for a sudden gush of emotion and sex when she finds out you are bailing. Do not get her pregnant. 

Do not get her pregnant.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yes, read that book TODAY! There is SO MUCH you don't understand. Nearly every single guy (dozens, maybe hundreds) who has read it has come back to say he can't believe that this book is just speaking HIS LIFE, word for word. Get it today.

And tell the lawyer to set it up!

You can always get back with her later, if you so choose. But get her out of your house NOW!


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Daryle_TN said:


> Again thank you for all the good advice. A major thing I left out is...When she cheated on me initially in March/April I filed for divorce and talked to an attourney. He said she cannot touch the house. After she talked me into trying to work things out I had my attourney put everything on hold. Funny thing is I got a letter in the mail from him last Friday saying that If I decided to go through with this the court date is set for November 25. I need to call and cancel with him or show up there and get it all done. Seems like a sign to me. I think this evening I'm going to tell her I want a divorce. I'm just done.. The truck is paid for the BMW is not. We owe roughly 11k on it. EVERYTHING is in my name. So I hate to do this but I think the safest bet for me is to tell her she can have the truck and I keep the car. There is NO reason for her to be motivated to make the car payment when her name is nowhere on it. Dammit this sucks.. I don't feel like going through this Shi** again... but I've just reached the point where I've bent over backwards so many times and got NOTHING from her that I'm done.. Not to be to personal but hell.. even though she had made not effort toward anything I took her out for our Anniversay (August 15) and treated her like a queen. We get home and just says " goodnight, I'm going to bed"... My wife and I have been intimate 2 times in the last 6 months and both of those were her 1st month back. She has slept with another more this year than she has me!


Sorry, this is a 'no brainer'. Get 'er done! Expedite and make the 25th deadline. So you can get on with your life.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Daryle_TN said:


> Your right.. I didn't learn anything! I keep letting women walk all over me. But I think I've reached my breaking point now. If was had the mindset when I met her that I do now we would have never made it to marriage...


You are going to feel so liberated with her out of your life. Get it done asap.

Best wishes man.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

Daryle_TN said:


> I I believe I'm partially to blame for how she has ended up. I guess I've kissed her butt to much.


 Darlyle, you have to ask yourself why you believe that you are to blame for "how she has ended up." She is an adult. You are not responsible for her upbringing or her values. You've described her mother as an enabler to her cheating. The responsiblity for her actions lies with her and her mother. Now, what you must own for yourself is why you feel responsible for any of their actions. Take a good look at yourself, and if you can't answer that, I'd suggest seeing a therapist to help you.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Fake domestic violence claim in 5...4.....3...2..1


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Daryl,

You deserve better period. I would call the Lawyer today and proceed with the D. Its not your fault she cheated. Its hers. Its not your fault she things she can treat you like a fool and do it again. Its hers. When you tell her tonight its over with. Its going to be her fault again. 

Its your turn to take care of you. I have a lot of respect for how you are dealing with this. 

Good for you. 

If I could buy you a beer I would. :smthumbup:

Clay


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Make sure that when you sit her down a talk to her about divorcing her, you have a VAR on you. No doubt the $h!t will hit the fan and with her mindset and tendency to get even, she may pull some kind of crap that will involve the police. Don't know if a recording is legal in court but I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. Daryl, protect yourself. Stranger things have happened and at least you will have proof to cover your own ass. Can't stress this enough.


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

tell your wife new rules now apply....you can get a divorce and remarry without having this baggage.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Daryle

You are never going to respect yourself by letting people walk all over you; you are a door mat!

In addition you are an enabler. You telling us all the stuff that you allowed, and did nothing about it, is sicking. If you are determined to be a masochist then at least stop trying to get that abuser wife of yours to validate you.

*If you do not have enough self respect to stop being a door mat and an enabler then get some outside help. If you do not grow a spine then your life is going to get much worse. No woman respects or wants a weakling that will not stand up.*


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> Send this video (I'm going to f**k Your Mother") **** Your Mother - YouTube to your 'wife' (though I use that term loosely) and your mother-in-law.


OK, I laughed so hard, I nearly blew a snot on myself while watching that!


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

You don't have to ask her for a divorce, just serve her papers, easy-peasy!

You gave her a chance and she failed, its as simple as that. She is a horrible wife and the M should be dissolved. I would be as cold and businesslike as possible. It may end up costing you some but it will be worth it in the end.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

If you tell her that you’re getting a divorce, be careful. 

I had a friend who had been sleeping on the couch for months when his wife “came on strong” for only one night then asked for a divorce. She got knocked up and he paid her child support. It turned out well in the end. His son is an adult and works for him.

Again, be careful.


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## Emptyshelldad (Apr 29, 2013)

I hope this is not real. 
because this guy sounds like one of those guys who would let his wife be banged by other dudes, while he is in the room, in the corner and his wife and the dude make fun of his manhood and in some sick he enjoys this treatment. 

if he was serious about this divorce, he would have already had her served (because a date of Nov 25th would require that she already had been served orbthe court wouldnt put it on the docket) 
so his trying to tell her hevwants a divorce is another weak attempt to get his wife to treat him like a man, which no one would do while he acts like he does. doormats are doormats for a reason, because they let people walk all over them. and people do because the doormat lays down and says walk on me. 

even your line of "I think ive reached my breaking point "implies you can be pushed around. and no, u haven't, or you would say, I have reached my breaking point.....not ithink.......there is no doubt when it comes to breaking points. 

now man up, and say nothing to her, go to lawyer and tell him you plan to proceed and not tell her but just show up on the 25th. see what he says, but usually if they dont show, you get whatever you want by decree. my dad didnt go once and child support was triple on that kid because he wasn't there to dispute it. 

I hope you listen to the advice given, but since youseem to almost enjoy this position, I somehow doubt that you will. you'll be too weak......you'll call it "nice"but it's weakness. 

Also bud.......please get independent counseling.......Because your serious and obvious lack of self confidence and self esteem are going to make your life miserable. 

I know this post may sound really harsh......but you need tough love at this point. Go and seize your manhood back from the jar she keeps it in at her mothers bar. then those mother fu(l<ers down at the bar who laugh at you now will know you a man. 

I'm picturing the bar scene from the song "coward of the county" by Kenny Rogers. 

link to song 
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sraL5ERiwZ4. 

that's a mobile link


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## Emptyshelldad (Apr 29, 2013)

I hope this is not real. 
because this guy sounds like one of those guys who would let his wife be banged by other dudes, while he is in the room, in the corner and his wife and the dude make fun of his manhood and in some sick he enjoys this treatment. 

if he was serious about this divorce, he would have already had her served (because a date of Nov 25th would require that she already had been served orbthe court wouldnt put it on the docket) 
so his trying to tell her hevwants a divorce is another weak attempt to get his wife to treat him like a man, which no one would do while he acts like he does. doormats are doormats for a reason, because they let people walk all over them. and people do because the doormat lays down and says walk on me. 

even your line of "I think ive reached my breaking point "implies you can be pushed around. and no, u haven't, or you would say, I have reached my breaking point.....not ithink.......there is no doubt when it comes to breaking points. 

now man up, and say nothing to her, go to lawyer and tell him you plan to proceed and not tell her but just show up on the 25th. see what he says, but usually if they dont show, you get whatever you want by decree. my dad didnt go once and child support was triple on that kid because he wasn't there to dispute it. 

I hope you listen to the advice given, but since youseem to almost enjoy this position, I somehow doubt that you will. you'll be too weak......you'll call it "nice"but it's weakness. 

Also bud.......please get independent counseling.......Because your serious and obvious lack of self confidence and self esteem are going to make your life miserable. 

I know this post may sound really harsh......but you need tough love at this point. Go and seize your manhood back from the jar she keeps it in at her mothers bar. then those mother fu(l<ers down at the bar who laugh at you now will know you a man. 

I'm picturing the bar scene from the song "coward of the county" by Kenny Rogers. 

link to song 
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sraL5ERiwZ4. 

that's a mobile link


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## Daryle_TN (Nov 11, 2013)

Thanks again for all the advise... So here's what happend last night after I get home from work at 6pm... Sorry so long and I'm trying to remember as accurately as possible. 
W=Her
H=Me

W: What's your problem? You've been a douche the last few day! (Keep in mind I've been supplying dinner every night and doing laundry etc. while she sat on her A**)

H: I'm over it.

W: Over What?

H: Everything (And then I began)... You have always had the nicer vehicle since we met (because of me), You average cooking 1 meal a year, you NEVER do dishes, we average having sex 3-4 times a year, any real house cleaning I do it, I pay all the bills, you left me for 2 weeks xmas before last because YOU weren't happy, we tried it out with nothing changing, then you did the ultimate and had an affair, and since we have been back together you have made ZERO changes. I'm not waisting any more of my life being your doormat. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I know I am not perfect and have been striving to improve areas where I fall short yet you have made it clear that you have no intentions of doing so yourself. I want to make this a easy as possible for the both of us but it's time to move on for both our sakes. ( I remember this because I rehersed what I was going to say)

W: Well what the FU** about my car?
(See I tell her all this and the 1st thing she thinks of is her car)

H: Cars not paid for and in my name. You can have the truck free and clear, making you debt free or we can go trade down that car for something cheaper and re-fi into your name alone.

W: Well I don't want your POS truck (which it's not a POS) and I can't afford a car payment.

H: Well then you can take the truck, I will keep the car, and when you get on your feet we can refinance the car into your name and trade vehicles back.

W: F-U I'm driving my car....

H: It's not your car.

W: Then these aren't your dogs.

H: Well then what do you suggest because this is happening. (D)

W: Since I agreed to try to work things out and you are changing your mind then you are the one with the problem not me. Since I have been back 6 months I think you should at least pay my car and ins payment for that long while I get on my feet.

H: Honey, you have some serious issues and your bat shi** crazy if you think I'm going to do that.

W: Well, guess you better be figuring it out... (gets in car and goes to her moms)


So my question is... what do you all think I should do at this point? She obviously has not intentions of parting with that car. She had made the comment before on several occasions about "keeping up with the Jones's" and apparently that's all she is concerned with. Not one time did she mention her cheating, sorry it didn't work, I Love you, nothing.. Just Car, Car, Car, Car, Car.... I would hope that I judge will side with me that I'm offering her the truck. Why would a judge award her that car that's in my name that she can't afford to pay for? Anyway.. Sorry so long...


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Stop talking to her and start talking to an attorney.

I had a buddy in TN that divorced his WW in 90 days.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

There are givers and takers in this world. That conversation didn't leave you guessing which one she is...

You have the 180. Use it.

If it's only the car, I'd let the court sort it out. Though I've heard you can make a deal with the lean holder to repossess the car.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> There are givers and takers in this world. That conversation didn't leave you guessing which one she is...
> 
> You have the 180. Use it.
> 
> If it's only the car, I'd let the court sort it out. Though I've heard you can make a deal with the lean holder to repossess the car.


Or...take a friend with you go in the wee hours of the night and take the car back.
I'm sure you have an extra set of keys and the registration is clearly in your name right?
Show her you are not the doormat she once knew.:lol:


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Go see your lawyer and stop talking to your entitled princess of a wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## How am I Going to Surviv (Sep 12, 2013)

Daryle_TN said:


> So my question is... what do you all think I should do at this point? She obviously has not intentions of parting with that car. She had made the comment before on several occasions about "keeping up with the Jones's" and apparently that's all she is concerned with. Not one time did she mention her cheating, sorry it didn't work, I Love you, nothing.. Just Car, Car, Car, Car, Car.... I would hope that I judge will side with me that I'm offering her the truck. Why would a judge award her that car that's in my name that she can't afford to pay for? Anyway.. Sorry so long...


Don't tell your wife what you're planning. Just make a plan and do it.

I suggest:

Separate all of your finances. 

I'd be very tempted to just get the car... And sell it! If you have to, take the car and title to the local car lot and get whatever you can. If there's any money left over after paying it off, you can offer to give her half. Give her the rest of her stuff in a garbage bag and offer to drop her and her s**t off at her moms. Or better yet, have her mom come get her.

When you hand her her stuff, hand her the D papers, too. Then she'll have plenty of time and space on her dime to 'find herself' or whatever the F she thinks she's doing while you've been supporting err enabling her.

In any event, when you D and divide the marital assets she wouldn't just get the car.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Good lawd,

That's the coldest b**ch I've read about in a long time. Her marriage is ending due to her A and all she can think about is the car. If you had doubts about divorcing before, they should be completely removed.

Stop talking to her immediately unless absolutely necessary. Talk to your attorney about a strategy on getting your car back and protecting yourself.

But if the worst thing that happens to you is you loose that car, it's well worth it to get that skank out of your life.

Oh, by the way. Well done.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Daryle_TN said:


> So my question is... what do you all think I should do at this point?


Go to the bank and tell them you're selling the car, arrange for a new car for the price that you have clear on the car, trade it in, and hand her the keys to the new one.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

happyman64 said:


> Stop talking to her and start talking to an attorney.
> 
> I had a buddy in TN that divorced his WW in 90 days.


This and props on manning up!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

Car's in your name? Sell it.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

BK23 said:


> Car's in your name? Sell it.


Yes, I think it's as simple as that.

If the car loan is underwater, than stop payment and let it get repossessed? This may throw your credit out the window.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

If the car is in your name only she has no right to keep it. I would call a tow truck and have it towed to a private location while she was in the bar. 

She can report it stolen then explain to the police that it is not her car. They will call you and you can tell them its your car and you took it. She will have to take you to court to try to get it back. In the mean while you retain the possession of the vehicle at a private location. 

Clay


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Even though the car is in your name, the courts will consider it joint property since you are still married.

Keep your emotions in check. Do things the proper, legal way.

Don't worry about the car right now. Go get the D started ASAP.

The courts will decide who gets the car. 

In the meanwhile, change the locks on your home so she doesn't sneak in while you are at work and clean out the furniture and electronics.

I would advise keeping a VAR on you, in case she comes home and starts an altercation with you, and then calls the cops claiming abuse.

Otherwise, it's No Contact. She can tell it to the judge.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That's why I suggest selling it, taking whatever you 'own' in it, and buying a new used car to give to her that's paid for. Best way to get rid of her for now, and the courts will settle everything else out eventually.


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## BK23 (Apr 17, 2013)

ThreeStrikes said:


> Even though the car is in your name, the courts will consider it joint property since you are still married.
> 
> Keep your emotions in check. Do things the proper, legal way.
> 
> ...


Whether the car is communal property actually depends on what state the guy's in. Edit: TN is not a community property state. I agree though that the value of the car might come up in the divorce settlement. That doesn't stop him from selling it. The money from the sale might be divided though.

Edit 2: talk to a real life attorney! You purchased it during the marriage? chances are your wife will get some slice of that pie--court will determine how large. You should be able to sell though...

Final Edit: I don't practice family law, and I'm not admitted in your state.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

For those who don't know BK is an attorney. Make an appointment with a lawyer if you don't have one. You don't want to screw yourself. She might play dirty. VAR on you when dealing with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emptyshelldad (Apr 29, 2013)

Call a tow truck. right now.. and dont delay. this is shock and awe warefare bud and you need to show her immediate and drastic hardline you wont be pushed around anymore by this low life chick. then have it hauled to the tow yard impound lot and tell them you will come get it in a bit. meanwhile arrange to have it strored at a storage place for a few bucks a month and then clean it out and arrange its sale. 

You watch how fast you can sell it. she has the nerve to taunt you and say "you cant do anything to me....." this shows what she thinkgs of you now. you have the chance to show her how wrong she is. 

MAKE THE CALL!!!!


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Take the license plate off the car and cancel the insurance and let her know that the car can't be driven. Or call the finance company and have it taken. 

Your better off not even talking any longer and just find a lawyer and get it over with. Cut her off financially and tell her to go get a job and from now on, she pays half of everything.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

You have an income, she has none. The car is in your name not hers. RUN RUN to a lawyer, tell him what you have told us, and have him help you make a plan for you to protect you and get as much out of the D as possible. Unless she has access to money she is at a disadvantage when it comes to lawyer time.

*
RUN FOREST RUN!!!!!!!*



She will not be able to wipe her feet on her husband door mat any longer.
You are becoming a strong man that is not going to let your wife walk on you by manipulating and taking advantage of you emotionally. She has no respect for you nor does she care or value you. She wants the car and anything else she can screw you out of. I know you are hurt because she does not love you
but she is not the only woman in the world. *Millions have recovered from your situation and you can to.*

PS
*CONGRADULATIONS on your speech to your wife!!!!*


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

Sell the car. Keep your truck. Have your father change the locks, and write up a tenancy agreement excluding her. Don't give her a ****ing thing until the court tells you to. She isn't yours, in anyway now. She's not your responsibility! Act fast and get rid of that car before she wrecks it.


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