# Feels like a waste of time !



## katie jane

Is counselling for everyone ? I feel like im wasteing time and money sitting talking about how and when our marriage started to go wrong !! 

Or is it because id given up on our marriage before i agreed to attend ? 

Or maybe i just feel better without him in my life ...

why do i feel guilty about how much hes hurting when it was his choice to sleep aorund and destroy all my trust in him !


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## nice777guy

I feel much better about marriage therapy when my wife DOESN'T go. I actually feel like I'm able to work through things, rather than wasting time arguing with her.


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## HappyHer

Counseling works when you have the right counselor and you both have a desire to work things through. It doesn't sound as if you are willing to do that work as you said you'd all ready given up on your marriage. If that is how you truly feel, the counseling will just be a waste of your time and money.


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## psychocandy

I guess it onyl works if your both willing to try. Not sure if its so cool in your case where hes cheated. Not much of an excuse for that really.


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## steve71

Hi Katie

I've had some very mixed experiences of counseling (possibly with the same UK outfit as you) but on balance I'm glad I went through it.

Counsellors are no more infallible than their clients and it takes some very complex three-way chemistry to get useful results.

But, if nothing else, I learnt a lot through listening to myself talk in a 'safe' zone and ended up feeling vindicated in my thoughts and actions. So for me it was well worth it.

As for feeling guilty...well, I was a partner in disaster but my lady did some pretty wacky things. Our last counsellor simply couldn't conceal her horrified disbelief while my lady talked about herself and I'll keep that image in my mind as long as I live. I don't feel any guilt - but do have deep regrets.

Has counseling helped you feel better about yourself?


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## katie jane

It's helped me to come to terms with how I've reacted ! There have been times when I should have walked away and not argued ! Do I feel better : yes I feel fine about not wanting to make my marriage work .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HopeinHouston

Well Katie Jane, if you "feel fine about not wanting to make your marriage work" then you can't expect marriage counselling to help make things better. I would say that it is good that you feel guilty about how much he is hurting; that is a natural response, because marriages are meant to work and that you have sympathy for him is good. I would say that the guilt might be because you know that you are giving up on the marriage, yet you still care/have sympathy for the hurt he feels. 

However, if you don't want to make the commitment to make it work, then the counselling is pointless. Btw I speak this as someone who was the aggrieved person, whose wife had 2 longterm (year +) affairs on me, and I made the decision to forgive and work on my marriage, and today we are doing great. 

Counselling was a great help for us, but only because we both went in wanting to make it work, and willing to admit fault in areas of our marriage ourselves, and we both have been changing in order to heal. Without that commitment from you though, the counselling will never be of any use.


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## Cherryfest

I felt it was a waste of both time and money. 

The counsellor we saw had us both in the same room all the time. He hardly said a thing, just let us argue back and forth and then suggested we 'talk' to each other. We did talk, very well until we got into his room. Basically we stopped going because my husband was even lying to the counsellor (as I found out myself as I dug deeper into his porn habit). Probably because I was sat there all the time the counsellor was asking him questions about what our issues were. 

Honestly a waste of money


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## HappyHer

I'm sorry to hear that Cherryfest, it doesn't sound as if you found a very good counselor for your needs. It's usually best to call around, see if a counselor will do a mini session so it won't cost as much and then you can shop around until you find someone that is a better fit without wasting so much money. When you find the right counselor, you'd be amazed at the progress you can make!


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