# Hi there!



## dungandyum (Feb 23, 2016)

Hey everyone, you can call me Z. Been married five years, the Rocky beginnings that most deal with are already over. I love my wife very much, as well as our three children. 

We did things the backwards way. We were 18 and 19 when we meet, moved in together after three weeks. wanted to marry very shortly after but due to some uncontrollable circumstances (death in the family) we postponed for two years. Sorry after our wedding our first child was born. We had another about a year ago, and have another on the way right now. We purchased our first home last year, and uprooted and moved (still close to family, but away from the city). 

My question is this, we now have a better control on finances and more income, about 80k a year between the two of us. We both want to quash all of our debts quickly. 150k and we are on the same page for that. I'm 27 now and have sort of realized that I did things the hard way in life, but don't want to die thinking it was a mistake. (No regrets with my wife and children I just now understand better why people say wait). I now want more than anything to chase my career goals into a field that will require some significant dedication for a few years 3-4 with similar pay along most of the way. The cost of about 100k. The result would be 200k a year income, working fewer than 7 months of the year, great perks, great benefits, doing something I am passionate about ( but until recently felt was unreachable). 

Currently my wife complains about my schedule but it is sorry of necessary to earn the money that I do. She wants me home more, (I'm home daily) but she wants me off three days a week or wants me to work 9-5 Mon-Friday. After discussing my ambitions with her, I bring up the idea that in the mean time we can scrimp and save, I can work a side hustle, I can work extra ot can probably get my income alone up to 80k. I can quit probably all goals into consideration and cook them up inside of the next six years. I bring up that it will require sacrifice, working 80 hrs a week, pushing it to the limits, but that the payout is great. Well worth it. 

This sort of pissed her off. In her mind this was placing work in front of family. To me this is untrue, it is absolutely placing the interest of my family's future in consideration. I can set an example of success for my kids, pay for their college easily etc. But the idea that I'm sacrificing the time now (to me at least) is a consequence of doing things it of order that we must all suffer for the benefits of what I am seeking.

Am I being selfish? Is this asking too much? How can I convey what I am telling you to get in a way she can understand? Am I won't for feeling like my wife is trying to dash my dreams and hopes for myself and my family into the rocks?

TIA and sorry for the novella.

-Z


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## LimaTango (May 7, 2019)

I may not be the best one to give advice here as I put in long hours and pursued career early in marriage. I don't think I got my work/life balance right but it's not an easy task.

But I'll say this: your kids are only with you a short time. And nobody says on their deathbed "I wish I spent more time at work."

If you can live within your means, I would strongly support idea of maximizing family time. 80 hours a week does not sound healthy. For a short while maybe. But long term.... you don't want to work that much.


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## dungandyum (Feb 23, 2016)

This is where I struggle. I do not want to be 40 years old making the same money doing the same job. I don't mind my job, I enjoy it for now, but what I'd really enjoy doing would also pay significantly more. And by the nature of the job you don't work near as much. It would allow me to have that time with my kids. I do understand how quickly they grow up but what I don't want is to tell my 12 year old (in 8 years) "sorry, daddy has to work extra hours this week and can't make it to your game, because daddy made poor choices when he was younger, and then never made any sacrifice to make improvements." I guess it's like this... I can continue in my same path and work my 55 hours a week. I miss a lot I miss most holidays, I miss most weekends. I miss a lot... I don't see how missing just a bit more for a few short years to get to a lifetime of financial freedom and control in my schedule isn't worth it. I fear in 10 years I'll still be working 55 hours a week missing holidays missing birthdays. I don't want that. I feel like my wife hates it and wants me to fix it but isn't willing to support me in doing what I need to to make it happen


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

How about you tell us about this dream job and maybe we can provide some more accurate response. I may be wrong but it as though you are not telling us what it is for a reason.
That reason may confirm your wife's point of view.


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## dungandyum (Feb 23, 2016)

Commercial pilot, it's something I have always wanted, but obviously with getting married shortly after highschool and not finishing college and having kids, it made the prospect of tackling the mountain needed to get there seem impossible. 

I have flown a few times in introductory courses and with friends who went the direction of a ppl.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

I am going to say this . if you don't pay your wife enough attention and you work all the time . she will seek attention and affection with someone else at some point . then you will be wondering what happened . what went wrong . and then you will be back here saying my wife cheated .

You better think about what you are doing now before that happens


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

dungandyum said:


> Commercial pilot, it's something I have always wanted, but obviously with getting married shortly after highschool and not finishing college and having kids, it made the prospect of tackling the mountain needed to get there seem impossible.
> 
> I have flown a few times in introductory courses and with friends who went the direction of a ppl.


I understand both sides of the equation now.

I have a plane and I hanger with 4 guys that are all professional pilots.

I'll say this: The has been no better time in the history of aviation to become a pilot. The airlines are hurting bad for pilots.

You are still young enough to do it but I would not waste anymore time. 

The Flip Side:

It's expensive (but less than 4 years of college)

It can take a long time if you don't have upfront cash.

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I would not worry about wondering if you will get a job or not. You will get a job but you will do the stand by pilot thing for a while ...not making hardly any money.

Aviation is one of the last standing industries that indeed do have a real retirement plan.

If you want to get it done as fast as possible:

Go talk to your local FBO and figure out who will train you in your own plane.

Buy a cessna 150 or 140 and build hours every chance you get.

After you have your PPL and 500 hours (1000 would be better) you can join ATP program.

This allows you to keep your current job until you join ATP.



Where do you live?


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## dungandyum (Feb 23, 2016)

So if I understand you correctly, there is no way? It seems to me people support their spouses by making sacrifice for the betterment of the family unit all the time.

I hear people all the time "oh yeah I went back to school, and worked and my spouse continued to work and took care of the kids so I could get where I wanted to be, now I have more time with my family, it was totally worth it." I guess that seemed reasonable vs "fine you want to go make improvements to your Life, of which we will all benefit as an family, I'll go somewhere else." 

We are still in a period of our lives where we can affect the outcome significantly. I guess I'll also say this, my wife didn't see the value in the much higher income. I always manage to make sure all of our bills are paid and we love in comfort. She goes to work moreso because she was getting cabin fever and she even said she felt a little guilty not contributing. (I support her in doing whatever she wants). But being that she doesn't ever have to take up the extra overtime to make sure unexpected expenses, the only thing she feels is me being at work. In her mind this is the evil, the thing she doesn't like, but I feel like she is painfully unaware of the stresses it puts on me. "Do I take the extra overtime and make her mad that I'm choosing work, or do I stay home and then have to worry about not having enough money plus the fights that ensue with that?"


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

dungandyum said:


> "fine you want to go make improvements to your Life, of which we will all benefit as an family, I'll go somewhere else."
> 
> my wife didn't see the value in the much higher income. In her mind this is the evil, the thing she doesn't like, but I feel like she is painfully unaware of the stresses it puts on me. "Do I take the extra overtime and make her mad that I'm choosing work, or do I stay home and then have to worry about not having enough money plus the fights that ensue with that?"


Is your wife a possessive / jealous type ?

What might be her impression be if you become a higher earning more desirable man, and a pilot at that (intro top gun music)

Think about that for second. Go back and read it again..... and think about it.


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## dungandyum (Feb 23, 2016)

Sorry Mr married, pretty new to forum use on Android. My last response was to the individual previous to you. I live 40 minutes south of Dallas tx. little bitty town. I'd never even considered training in my own craft, but it certainly sounds like it would lower the barrier to entry.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Z, I think marriage counselling would be a good option.

What job do you have now that your wife would prefer you keep rather than training to be a commercial pilot?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

The FBOs around Waco and Temple are your friends ..... Do some leg work.


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## dungandyum (Feb 23, 2016)

Thanks Mr married! I'll start reaching out and seeing what I can dig up. And Matt, i currently work in a factory, more specifically a furnace. It's hot miserable work. I enjoy it, and the benefits are unreal. My wife simply does not want me to Sacrifice the time necessary, and the effort needed in pursuing my career objectives. I guess it is difficult for me to come to grips with, because if she wanted to work on a sanitation crew I'd be supportive. It wouldn't matter what she wanted to do, I'd want her to be able to live out her dreams and be the best her she can be. 
She is mildly uncomfortable with flight herself but this doesn't seem to be her objection. I'd be the one making the flights not her. She says it is the thought of me spending even less time with her/the kids that she can't/won't do. I see my kids every day, I don't do much at home but spend time with them. And quality time at that, I don't play video games or mess with my phone incessantly. I play with my kids, stay up late talking with my wife. I guess my biggest question was truly more, if I am out of line in asking her to hang on tight while I put my nose to the grindstone, knockout some debts, stock some cash and get invested in this career change. If it were something I really wanted to do that would put me on the road with little to no time home i wouldn't even consider it. As it is currently I work 3 on 3 off 4 on 4 off and every other week I switch from nights to days. Every other week I walk out the door and say I'll see you tomorrow.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

dungandyum said:


> She says it is the thought of me spending even less time with her/the kids that she can't/won't do. .


My hanger buddies are international pilots (the big planes). They work 8 days a month.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

dungandyum said:


> My wife simply does not want me to Sacrifice the time necessary, and the effort needed in pursuing my career objectives. I guess it is difficult for me to come to grips with, because if she wanted to work on a sanitation crew I'd be supportive. It wouldn't matter what she wanted to do, I'd want her to be able to live out her dreams and be the best her she can be.


You need to put aside the reasoning of: What you would want for her .....with what she wants for/from you.

The most important skill you can ever learn in life is: WHO you are talking to, and WHAT they want. NOT what they are telling you.

You didn't answer my questions about your wife so it is hard to say just yet.

I believe your wife (may) be delivering words .... but your not getting the "message".


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