# Need Opinions



## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Hope everyone is well.

My daughter 30 yrs. old is visiting us. Some background: My man and I have been together for 4 yrs. 

For some reason he thinks it is funny to put me down in front of her. I don't know what he thinks this accomplishes. 

Today he said to my daughter: Lets you and I go and have coffee. I can't stand your mom anymore, I can't stand being around her anymore.  He was kidding and it is his way of going out with my daughter to get to know her better. But it still hurts when he says things like this. I then said to him well if you hate me so much I will just go and live with my daughter and he said you can do what you want. I later told him I do not want him to talk like that anymore, I know he is kidding but it hurts me too much.

Was I out of line?


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

Why would you think you were out of line?? btw, no you weren't.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Oh yes, (insert insults) than say "I am just kidding."

Sorry, verbal abuse. I wouldn't stand for it.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Oh absolutely not... Kidding or not that's not right. What does your daughter think of this?


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

My moms new hubs talks to her crazy. He's friggin lucky i know this because she tells me. If i heard something like that physically come from his mouth I'd be in jail. Juss sayin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DiZ (May 15, 2012)

Thanks everyone. I figured he was the one out of line. I do not know, my personality sometimes is wishy washy and I need to stand up for myself more. My daughter did not like it either, she said she would be upset.


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## lovingsummer (Jul 27, 2012)

Yes, you do need to stand up for yourself  I guess it's a good thing you raised a good daughter or your husband might have caught a karate chop to the throat from her


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

DiZ said:


> Hope everyone is well.
> 
> My daughter 30 yrs. old is visiting us. Some background: My man and I have been together for 4 yrs.
> 
> ...


I don't know if I would call it verbal abuse.

Does his humor normally have a sarcastic edge to it?

Some people talk this way to close friends and family. I have a sibling who has a sarcastic sense of humor. He does this and even worse that what you've said, BUT it's the sense of humor they have AND his wife genuinely doesn't seem to mind and dishes it back. 

If my husband said this, I would give a quick retort back. That's how I roll though...

You've given one example, but how else does he put you down in front of your daughter?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Sounds passive aggressive. He gets the say something nasty then then say "just kidding". If you tell him it bothers you then he shouldn't do it any more but it sounds like he does.

Make fun of him not being able to get it up or being small when his buddies or your friends are around and see how he likes that. Oh and giggle and say just kidding.


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

If your daughter doesn't like it, then you are on the same side. It's 2 vs. 1. She should say, "No thanks. I'll have coffee with my mom." When he earns respect, maybe someone will go out for coffee with him. 

It may be a joke with some underlying truth, too. Not sure you've thought of that, but maybe he isn't happy, wants to be mean, etc. He needs to come out and say it, but probably won't.


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

Every joke has a root in seriousness. Sometimes, it's just a way to come out with things we feel and think about but don't have the guts to say out loud/admit.
You were not out of line, and it's his job to make you feel safe, confident and special, otherwise what's the use of calling him your man ?

I think you did good to confront him later, when your daughter wasn't around, but don't second guess it and don't compromise.
Joke or not, it was uncalled for and it's not your problem nor your fault if he's being unfunny.

I would understand it if it was his attitude, everybody has some s***ty attitudes that the partner has to put up with, but I understood that it happened only, or mostly, when your daughter is around.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Jokes are good if all can laugh about it. This ain't the case.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

almost sounds like he hitting on your daughter.

If you let someone treat you poorly they most likley will!!!!!!!!!

if you want to stay in this relationship(I din't know why you would ) then then next time he jokes like that blow up in his face tell him hes a rude person and you would rather not be with him and if he don't apoligise and make a huge effort to stop then your done! and follow through if he don't change!

or just complain about it and keep take his sh*t!

nothing wil change if you don't enforce your boundry!


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