# Is it ok ? My future wife want to have male friends



## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I and my girl friend are planning to get married.

My girl friend was always with male friends since her child hood.

She says she cannot get along with females.

I told her that I will not accept her spending time alone with men after marriage.

And this is a constant argument with each other, she thinks there is nothing wrong with it.

She told me when I am busy at work she will go and hang out with her male friends.

I told her after marriage this is a disaster going to happen. She said everything will be fine nothing will happen.

I told her why not female friends, she says she hates women.

I do not want to jeopardize my marriage if she gets in to a affair. I would rather put my foot down now, than regret later.

She says this is the modern age and it is ok for a married woman to spend time alone with men.

She says she believes in me that I will agree to it. I told her I will be playing with fire in our marriage and be willing to accept that fact, that the marriage will not last long.

I would like to hear your views from men and women.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

I have no problem with my wife having friends of the opposite sex same as I have girls for friends as well. 

No jealousy issues here and no logical reason for them. I am secure in her judgements and she in mine. 

In fact one of my past girlfriends, who is still a good friend of mine, is one of her best freinds and they hang out all the time. Also when it comes to online communications she chats with most of my guy buddies more than I do.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

your instincts are right on. This sounds like a reason to put the breaks on the marriage plans. Unless you reach an understanding with her. Have you tried asking how she would feel about you spending time alone with your good female friends when yo want to? She ok with that?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I had female friends and even roommates before marriage. I don't think I understood until several years into marriage why there was any potential problems with opposite sex friendships. I think the first time I should have realized it was when I met a friend, my former roommate, alone to go to a museum, and I suddenly felt this huge "charge" between us. I let it go and she didn't live close by anyway so it never turned into anything. But then later I developed a "friendship" with a girl that turned into an EA -- almost without me even realizing it. I kept thinking "she's just my friend, I'm not even attracted to her" until one day I realized I was attracted to her. I had that same attitude, "it's the modern era, I'm a liberated guy, it's all cool" but just because it's now "ok" for men and women to be alone doesn't mean it's a good idea for a marriage. 

Your wife's situation is a tough call though, because it sounds like she literally only has male friends, and it would be very sudden and harsh for her to just cut off all contact with all of her friends. You're in a tough spot because if you "put your foot down" and make her do that, you kind of become the bad guy.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

She knows that I have no female friends, and I never thought it was right to put questions like this. What if she says you can have your own female friends, I do not want that. I want her to know I do not like her having any male friends after marriage. The reason is most guys who wants to be friends will have only one thing is mind :scratchhead: . I do not want to take any chances.

I can see, us getting into a fight in the future again after marriage, and she will run to her male friends.

This happened a month back. We had a argument and she went to drink and went to her male friends for consolation, and even emailed her ex that she will marry him to hurt me, she said she was drunk and did not know what she was doing.





nuclearnightmare said:


> your instincts are right on. This sounds like a reason to put the breaks on the marriage plans. Unless you reach an understanding with her. Have you tried asking how she would feel about you spending time alone with your good female friends when yo want to? She ok with that?


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

John Lee said:


> I had female friends and even roommates before marriage. I don't think I understood until several years into marriage why there was any potential problems with opposite sex friendships. I think the first time I should have realized it was when I met a friend, my former roommate, alone to go to a museum, and I suddenly felt this huge "charge" between us. I let it go and she didn't live close by anyway so it never turned into anything. But then later I developed a "friendship" with a girl that turned into an EA -- almost without me even realizing it. I kept thinking "she's just my friend, I'm not even attracted to her" until one day I realized I was attracted to her. I had that same attitude, "it's the modern era, I'm a liberated guy, it's all cool" but just because it's now "ok" for men and women to be alone doesn't mean it's a good idea for a marriage.
> 
> Your wife's situation is a tough call though, because it sounds like she literally only has male friends, and it would be very sudden and harsh for her to just cut off all contact with all of her friends. You're in a tough spot because if you "put your foot down" and make her do that, you kind of become the bad guy.


 OP

I think the fact that your wife to be only has male friends indicates a problem with her personality. Or it could. What is her family background? Her sexual history?


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

My fiance is from Europe, she will be moving here to the US, and she says she will be lonely here and wants to have friends and she said whe will make some male friends here. If this was her old male friends it was ok, but new male friends ? come on :scratchhead:








John Lee said:


> I had female friends and even roommates before marriage. I don't think I understood until several years into marriage why there was any potential problems with opposite sex friendships. I think the first time I should have realized it was when I met a friend, my former roommate, alone to go to a museum, and I suddenly felt this huge "charge" between us. I let it go and she didn't live close by anyway so it never turned into anything. But then later I developed a "friendship" with a girl that turned into an EA -- almost without me even realizing it. I kept thinking "she's just my friend, I'm not even attracted to her" until one day I realized I was attracted to her. I had that same attitude, "it's the modern era, I'm a liberated guy, it's all cool" but just because it's now "ok" for men and women to be alone doesn't mean it's a good idea for a marriage.
> 
> Your wife's situation is a tough call though, because it sounds like she literally only has male friends, and it would be very sudden and harsh for her to just cut off all contact with all of her friends. You're in a tough spot because if you "put your foot down" and make her do that, you kind of become the bad guy.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

She had so many boyfriends, she was serious with one boyfriend but had 6 other guys on the side.

I asked her if you can have 6 boyfriends when you were serious with another man, how can i trust you.

She tells me that with me it is different as she is serious about marriage and that she loves me very much.



nuclearnightmare said:


> OP
> 
> I think the fact that your wife to be only has male friends indicates a problem with her personality. Or it could. What is her family background? Her sexual history?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

markanderson said:


> This happened a month back. We had a argument and she went to drink and went to her male friends for consolation, and even emailed her ex that she will marry him to hurt me, she said she was drunk and did not know what she was doing.


Ok, nope. This is not cool. Going out drinking all the time with male friends is not cool, seeking "consolation" from her male friends when you guys have a fight is not cool, and drunk-emailing her ex is not cool. I see a lot of danger signs here.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

markanderson said:


> She knows that I have no female friends, and I never thought it was right to put questions like this. What if she says you can have your own female friends, I do not want that. I want her to know I do not like her having any male friends after marriage. The reason is most guys who wants to be friends will have only one thing is mind :scratchhead: . I do not want to take any chances.
> 
> I can see, us getting into a fight in the future again after marriage, and she will run to her male friends.
> 
> This happened a month back. We had a argument and she went to drink and went to her male friends for consolation, and even emailed her ex that she will marry him to hurt me, she said she was drunk and did not know what she was doing.


 Like I said your instincts are right on on this. Just sayin to put the question to her so she can see it from your perspective. BTW Doesn' t matter you have no female friends. You could make some without much trouble. Is she the jealous type herself?


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## Quant (Jul 15, 2013)

Male friends if not gay want to bang her in the back of their minds, but as long as you have a good game with her she won't notice them and they'll be friendzoned.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

she does not drink all the time, only during times of stress between us.



John Lee said:


> Ok, nope. This is not cool. Going out drinking all the time with male friends is not cool, seeking "consolation" from her male friends when you guys have a fight is not cool, and drunk-emailing her ex is not cool. I see a lot of danger signs here.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

The only thing I can say is that if you do want to marry her for whatever reason, you're going to have to work this one out. Maybe you can have some kind of "ground rules," like no going out drinking with guy friends at night, or no one-on-one hanging out with men. I don't know if there's some european cultural thing here that I'm not getting, but most people I know, even liberal ones, would find that pretty reasonable.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

Yes she is very jealous lady. I don't understand she wants to have male friends, but she will get jealous if I am with another girl.



nuclearnightmare said:


> Like I said your instincts are right on on this. Just sayin to put the question to her so she can see it from your perspective. BTW Doesn' t matter you have no female friends. You could make some without much trouble. Is she the jealous type herself?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

markanderson said:


> she does not drink all the time, only during times of stress between us.


I think going out drinking with guys to deal with stress with you is not very healthy -- it's seeking attention from other men instead of directing her energy to resolving the problem with you. I would say the same if you were seeking "consolation" from women. Even my own mom told me once "you have to deal with your marriage problems with your wife, not with me."


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I asked her if she likes attention from men, she said no, don't know if she was lying or telling the truth.

I told her after marriage if there is problems, I do not want you running to the guys.

She promised me she wont drink, but when we had some argument over something, she was depressed and ended up drinking.




John Lee said:


> I think going out drinking with guys to deal with stress with you is not very healthy -- it's seeking attention from other men instead of directing her energy to resolving the problem with you. I would say the same if you were seeking "consolation" from women. Even my own mom told me once "you have to deal with your marriage problems with your wife, not with me."


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

John Lee said:


> Ok, nope. This is not cool. Going out drinking all the time with male friends is not cool, seeking "consolation" from her male friends when you guys have a fight is not cool, and drunk-emailing her ex is not cool. I see a lot of danger signs here.


:iagree:

In fact OP I think marrying her will not be so cool for you. Many indications you indeed will my be able to trust her. Reconsider marriage......


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I been dating her for over a year now. I will tell if she does not accept my conditions, I will not get married and just be boyfriend and girl friend 

I am in no rush to get married anyways.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

You're making a mistake if you marry this person. Neither of you is necessarily right or wrong, but you have a clear mis-match in values. This will get worse over time. Why would you want this? 

She is being honest with you. She has no intention to give up male friends. Listen to her.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

This is not about giving up her existing male friends, she will be moving here to the US. I do not want her make any new male friends after marriage. I am ok with her old male friends.

I told her make friends with married couples, she is not ok with it.




zookeeper said:


> You're making a mistake if you marry this person. Neither of you is necessarily right or wrong, but you have a clear mis-match in values. This will get worse over time. Why would you want this?
> 
> She is being honest with you. She has no intention to give up male friends. Listen to her.


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

markanderson said:


> Yes she is very jealous lady. I don't understand she wants to have male friends, but she will get jealous if I am with another girl.


Well that's a bit one-sided. She can have OP sex friends but you can't. Sounds like she likes the attention from lots of guys, which is why she has so many male friends. This does not bode well for you though.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Why does she say she hates women?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NeverMore (Feb 24, 2013)

markanderson said:


> This is not about giving up her existing male friends, she will be moving here to the US. I do not want her make any new male friends after marriage. I am ok with her old male friends.
> 
> I told her make friends with married couples, she is not ok with it.


So again, she only wants friends(attention) from single guys. Not good.


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

I gave up all of my friends who were girls shortly after getting married. One of them in particular married my best friend. I don't talk with her anymore. Not because she's a bad person but because by so doing could prove to put me in a bad situation.

All of my wife guy friends have rules in their marriages that they're not to be alone nor communicate privately with the opposite sex. Did well for them.

My wife begin to privately communicate with an old guy friend of hers. Because they already had somewhat of an emotional connection it went very very badly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Why does she say she hates women?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If it's anything like my experience. Its not that she hates women but might have daddy issues. She might have experienced a lack of male attention as a child and so as a grown up has an overwhelming need for male attention . I met a woman who had a great deal of this. she was a stripper.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

markanderson said:


> *I asked her if she likes attention from men, she said no*, don't know if she was lying or telling the truth.
> 
> I told her after marriage if there is problems, I do not want you running to the guys.
> 
> *She promised me she wont drink, but *when we had some argument over something, *she* was depressed and *ended up drinking*.


Re: Is it ok? The answer is NO!

It's not okay because it's not okay WITH YOU.
It's not okay because it's not okay for YOUR marriage.

Doesn't matter if it's alright with other guys here. Doesn't matter if it's alright with other women here. The only ones in YOUR marriage are going to be you and your GF.

...and BTW, she is a big liar! She is showing you RIGHT NOW who she REALLY is. She's a woman who:


drinks when she is stressed
seeks out other men when she's angry with you
purposely sets out to hurt you for revenge (telling an ex-bf she'll marry him!?!)
has ONE bf and SIX other guys she's seeing/hanging out with?
has very low self-esteem
is unwilling to compromise with you on IMPORTANT matters
is a hypocrite (she can have men friends, but you can't have women friends)
makes important PROMISES (not drinking) she DOESN'T KEEP

She is what we would call an 'attention wh0re'. She's not happy unless EVERY guy is drooling over her and trying to get her in bed. That is the ONLY way she feels attractive.

RUN from this relationship; leave this woman wherever she is and MOVE ON to another relationship! Don't even waste your time being 'friends'. I don't know how you trust her *NOW* when you can't see her....she's a proven liar and I have no doubt she's a cheater. My guess is she's REALLY ATTRACTIVE looking and plays men for whatever she can get out of them (dinner, gifts, etc.)

Look OBJECTIVELY at her lies and behavior. You KNOW you can do better than this. Is she the "GIFT" of a 'mother' you would want to give your children? Imagine the endless FIGHTING in your house that your children will have to listen to for 20+ years.

RUN, Markanderson, RUN!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Re: Is it ok? The answer is NO!
> 
> It's not okay because it's not okay WITH YOU.
> It's not okay because it's not okay for YOUR marriage.
> ...


:iagree:

I never understood why my pop used to say

"married couples should be friends with 

other married couples" ....until I was married

are you aware if "I was drinking" could be used as a legal defense

80% of convicted individuals would be roaming the streets

excuse....pure, plain, simple

what happens when you put your foot down with her?

she runs off to Vegas with three friends to pout?

look outside the box


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## IGSIMB (Dec 17, 2013)

Why would she write off all females? Sounds to me that she does like the attention and you said it yourself, she had a boyfriend and other guys on a side. 

Can you live together without marrying? I couldn't (I am European). We got married to be able to be together. We also had 3 yr long distance prior the marriage. 

Just having guy friends sounds to me like someone is a attention wh*re. btw both genders can be one.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

How did you meet this gal?

Being her in Europe and you are in US


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## WayUpNorth (Dec 14, 2013)

Mark. If she only has male friends, I see a problem. Guys hang out with their guy buddies. Gals hang out with girlfriends. If she hangs out with guys, she will be doing 'the double backed beast' with one, or more of them in no time.


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## SolidSnake (Dec 6, 2011)

markanderson said:


> I asked her if she likes attention from men, she said no, don't know if she was lying or telling the truth.
> 
> I told her after marriage if there is problems, I do not want you running to the guys.
> 
> She promised me she wont drink, but when we had some argument over something, she was depressed and ended up drinking.


Of course she likes attention from men, that is why she has all male friends. There is really something wrong with people who hate one gender or another. 

Hold your ground, your instincts are right on. I would reconsider marrying her unless you resolve this. And it doesn't seem like she is willing to change, so she will probably do the same thing after marriage. You are right to be concerned about affairs given her behavior. 

Some people who have excellent boundaries can have opposite sex friendships, but you fiance is clearly not one of those people. If she is running to male friends or an ex every time you have a fight, discussung your personal business with them, she has serious boundary issues. That is unacceptable. You should always protect your relationship rather than opening it to third party ivolvement by other males especially.

I had one male friend who bothered my husband early in my relationship, and I gave up that friendship just because it made him uncomfortable. There were no serious boundary issues either, as there are with your fiance and her male "friends."

You are right to be worried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GregH87 (Jan 22, 2014)

Opposite sex friendships typically have major things in common, jobs or old classmates for example. I would not be adverse if that were the case, especially if the guy/s was married. However if is some random dude who wants to go hang out with my wife, randomly, then I'd step in and join the party. You'll know sooner rather than latter what his intentions are.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

SolidSnake said:


> Of course she likes attention from men, that is why she has all male friends. There is really something wrong with people who hate one gender or another.
> 
> Hold your ground, your instincts are right on. I would reconsider marrying her unless you resolve this. And it doesn't seem like she is willing to change, so she will probably do the same thing after marriage. You are right to be concerned about affairs given her behavior.
> 
> ...


Mark do not marry her too many red flags.
Just my opinion.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

A co worker went through the same thing.

He met this girl, they dated, lots of sex and started to get serious. She was texting and hanging with her many guy friends. This drove the co worker crazy and they fought about it often. Yet when he even chats with another woman, let alone texts one, she flips out. Then she got pregnant and now they live together and are raising their son. She finally got it and stopped hanging with her guy friends and almost no more texting. She grew up but still freaks out if this co worker even mentions another woman.

If a woman wants to get seriously involved with the man she loves and to get married down the road, all the guy friends should go bye bye. She doesn't need them anymore. But if she still meets and texts with them, she isn't mature enough or ready for marriage and don't waste your time with this party woman.

Would she like it if you had many female friends, hung with them after work, texting, while being married to her? Doubt it.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Not really marriage material. Not in it for the long haul.
Why don't you just continue to date, childless, till she screws around on you or grows the f*ck up.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

It's not that she has male friends that is the issue, it's that she claims to hate women. Women like this enjoy the attention they get from being the only female in the room and view all other women as a threat to their position as the recipient of said attention. I'd be very careful with a woman like this, she is at very high risk of affairs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ghnmfdhm said:


> I told her why not female friends, she says she hates women.


I just told you why she hates women. She views them as a threat to her having all the male attention for herself. Do yourself a favor: don't marry her and get yourself some nice female friends. See how that goes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's more about what's important to you than everyone else's opinion. But, I agree with you 100%.

If your future wife "hates women" that alone is a reason that you should not marry her. She cannot function as a wife and a mother if she "hates women". And yes, a woman being friends with a man will normally lead to sex. Certainly that's what the man wants. So if he figures out her secret code, that's where it will go.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

OP,

I'm going to suggest that you take a good long look at your g/f right now _as she is_. If you want her to change a basic fundamental aspect of her personality or her character after marriage, then I see some problems, which have to do with YOU. 

If you're already seeing things about her that you want to change about her or that you want HER to change, then this is NOT the woman for you. It's not that you ASKED her to change; it's that you're EXPECTING her to do so. You're INSISTING that she change, which sets YOU up to be 'controlling'. 

It doesn't mean that there's something 'wrong' with her. Please don't forget that a different man might have NO PROBLEM with her making friends of the opposite sex once married. 

Instead of getting angry or even upset about this, why not simply see it as an irreconcilable difference between the two of you, and part company.

You'd probably save BOTH of you from a bad marriage, future heartbreak...

...and divorce. 

Vega


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

nuclearnightmare said:


> OP
> 
> I think the fact that your wife to be only has male friends indicates a problem with her personality. Or it could. What is her family background? Her sexual history?


This.

If she is THAT mature with good boundaries to be able to handle having male friends, then she is mature enough to have female friends.

Anytime I've heard a woman use those lines (I hate other women / other women hate me) as a justification for male companionship, the woman invariably becomes a cheater.

Your fiance likes the male attention and validation. She looks for it. It's partially why other women won't like her, because, at a very base level, your fiance puts out a vibe towards the other women's men.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If I were planning marriage with someone who then told me I could no longer have women as friends, I'd stop it right there.

I have always had friends of the opposite sex. Even when my first marriage was a loveless, sexless wasteland, I never crossed any boundaries with any of those friends. Many people are completely able to handle such friendships responsibly - some are not, but I doubt that restricting those friendships will prevent such people from looking elsewhere anyway.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> If I were planning marriage with someone who then told me I could no longer have women as friends, I'd stop it right there.
> 
> I have always had friends of the opposite sex. Even when my first marriage was a loveless, sexless wasteland, I never crossed any boundaries with any of those friends. Many people are completely able to handle such friendships responsibly - some are not, but I doubt that restricting those friendships will prevent such people from looking elsewhere anyway.



Fair enough, but I bet you don't hate men. I have male friends but I don't hate women. This is an entirely different dynamic where she actively seeks male attention and doesn't want other women around to compete with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> Fair enough, but I bet you don't hate men. I have male friends but I don't hate women. This is an entirely different dynamic where she actively seeks male attention and doesn't want other women around to compete with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Your situation is different. I doubt that you can realistically impose any restrictions on her in this - she either agrees with your request, or rejects it. If you are not happy with her decision, you can simply _not marry her _and avoid the problems you suspect will occur. For you, this is a _red flag _and you probably have a good basis for thinking as you do - _ignore it at your peril_.


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## jdd (Aug 30, 2013)

Please read / listen to: http://www.audible.com/pd/Self-Deve...7SIZF0?ref_=a_wl_c1_1_5_ttl#publisher-summary


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Dad&Hubby said:


> This.
> 
> If she is THAT mature with good boundaries to be able to handle having male friends, then she is mature enough to have female friends.


Well I know some women just don't have a lot of female friends, and mainly male friends, but that has never been my experience so it's always a little odd tome, and even more when people say that they "hate women" - especially when they ARE a woman. What is up with that? 

OP-I think this may create problems in your marriage down the line. *May* The reason is because it seems she believes she will be bored when you are at work so she said she will befriend some dudes to hang out with when you are working. Why does she need to do that? Does she not have a job? Hobbies? Interests? Why didn't she mention doing other things? Why was that her go-to answer.

I think men and women can be friends but when you start putting other people ahead of your spouse, that is when it becomes a problem. If she wants to spend ALL of her free time outside of your marriage w/ other men, then yeah, that to me, is weird.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

markanderson said:


> This is not about giving up her existing male friends, she will be moving here to the US.


Does she have a visa/citizenship? Does she need them? How did you meet her?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

one thing which worked for me throughout the years is

a female friend / my part time IC...anytime I have a ? about a F

she can cut right through the BS

same went for her with me when she started dating after D

we have a healthy friendship but pull no punches when

it comes to a possible relationship

Dude.....listen to what these women are saying


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> How did you meet her?


I'm waiting on that answer from yesterday myself

something here just is not right


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

OP...

If you marry this woman, with nothing changed as it is from now, and you can begin counting down the time until you discover infidelity on her part. This isn't a guess, it's a promise.

She's told you that she sees nothing wrong with hanging around and drinking with men while you're at work. Stevie Wonder could see that she'll cheat on you, if she hasn't done so already.

Good luck to you.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Well I know some women just don't have a lot of female friends, and mainly male friends, but that has never been my experience so it's always a little odd tome, and even more when people say that they "hate women" - especially when they ARE a woman. What is up with that?
> 
> OP-I think this may create problems in your marriage down the line. *May* The reason is because it seems she believes she will be bored when you are at work so she said she will befriend some dudes to hang out with when you are working. Why does she need to do that? Does she not have a job? Hobbies? Interests? Why didn't she mention doing other things? Why was that her go-to answer.
> 
> I think men and women can be friends but when you start putting other people ahead of your spouse, that is when it becomes a problem. If she wants to spend ALL of her free time outside of your marriage w/ other men, then yeah, that to me, is weird.


NO GOOD CAN COME OF IT.

The transferrences that come during these conversations, where over half the guys WOULD BANG HER and are enjoying her company of a pretty female. 

Now say she's out and stressed due to having to be respectful and responsible to homelife, and drinking with these chaps... Do you think that's going to break down any boundaries?

She's a slick one to have a main boyfriend and 6 guys on the side.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Well I know some women just don't have a lot of female friends, and mainly male friends, but that has never been my experience so it's always a little odd tome, and even more when people say that they "hate women" - especially when they ARE a woman. What is up with that?
> 
> OP-I think this may create problems in your marriage down the line. *May* The reason is because it seems she believes she will be bored when you are at work so she said she will befriend some dudes to hang out with when you are working. Why does she need to do that? Does she not have a job? Hobbies? Interests? Why didn't she mention doing other things? Why was that her go-to answer.
> 
> I think men and women can be friends but when you start putting other people ahead of your spouse, that is when it becomes a problem. If she wants to spend ALL of her free time outside of your marriage w/ other men, then yeah, that to me, is weird.


Male friends is not a problem if she makes you and her family life with you her 90% priority. If she physically see's these guys, it's not often at all and it's when you are there because there is NOTHING TO HIDE.

The guys need to go chase some other tail and she needs to let em. Make some female friends that are in a similar situation.

You know, married, settled down and happy.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Pre-nup with a clause to where if either of you commit adultery then that person gets nothing.

Nothing.

Then always have a backup plan in case she goes down that slippery slope. Most affairs start out as "just friends". Make sure that she is aware that if she even drunkenly kisses a guy you are filing and she is to GTFO ASAP.

See if she agrees to that.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

Wow, so many people with no faith in their spouse. Like being around anyone of the opposite sex will just magically turn them into hornball cheaters. Most of the new and close friends I've made over the past 10 years have been women. My wife is cool with it. She's been friends with guys in the past and it's never been a problem. Hell, she went out to dinner with her ex and I wasn't the least bit worried.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

hawkeye said:


> Wow, so many people with no faith in their spouse. Like being around anyone of the opposite sex will just magically turn them into hornball cheaters. Most of the new and close friends I've made over the past 10 years have been women. My wife is cool with it. She's been friends with guys in the past and it's never been a problem. Hell, she went out to dinner with her ex and I wasn't the least bit worried.


Yeah but have you been around the TAM sites and similar for the last ten years.

These very "fun" and "cool" opposite sex relationships have a tendancy to push the relationship boundaries. Plus some of the "friends" are attracted to the spouse even if they don't say it. So they are waiting their turn, it's not a good dynamic.

Opposite sex friends are fine, but it should be friends of the couple and most of the things you do with those friends you do with your spouse in the picture, not all the time with opposite sex friends behind her back, being places you really shouldn't be, putting a bunch of alcohol on top to help socially lubricate things along...

It's playing with fire. It was 1 year ago, 10 years ago, 50 years ago, playing with fire. The same situations happen over and over and over again.


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## DifficultDays (Jan 22, 2014)

You are definitely right. You better put a hold on those wedding plans. Her spending time alone with these men will put a HUGE strain on things. If you are not comfortable with it, she should respect that. Also, please get to the bottom with why she hates women. Usually women who hate women have TONS of insecurities. They like male friends so that they don't have female friends to get jealous of. Also, male friends can boost a woman's self-confidence, she wants that attention. Male-female friends can have the sexual chemistry as well obviously.. Her hanging out with men alone is just playing with fire. BELIEVE ME with this one.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

hawkeye said:


> Wow, so many people with no faith in their spouse. Like being around anyone of the opposite sex will just magically turn them into hornball cheaters. Most of the new and close friends I've made over the past 10 years have been women. My wife is cool with it. She's been friends with guys in the past and it's never been a problem. Hell, she went out to dinner with her ex and I wasn't the least bit worried.


OP's fiance is going to male friends for drunken consolation after fights/arguments, and then texting her ex, baiting him by saying she wants to marry him to exact revenge on OP. She's purposely limiting her search for new friends to men only.

We're talking about more than OP's fiance having some guy friends. Hell, in the past, she's had 7 men going at the same time. She's pushing past the boundaries of nearly every marriage I've heard of.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

treyvion said:


> Yeah but have you been around the TAM sites and similar for the last ten years.
> 
> These very "fun" and "cool" opposite sex relationships have a tendancy to push the relationship boundaries. Plus some of the "friends" are attracted to the spouse even if they don't say it. So they are waiting their turn, it's not a good dynamic.
> 
> ...


Again, I think that in a good marriage with two intelligent adults, it shouldn't be a problem. I just don't buy that everyone eventually loses control of themselves while in the presence of the opposite sex. And if your spouse does, they're probably not someone you want to be married to anyway.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

sh987 said:


> OP's fiance is going to male friends for drunken consolation after fights/arguments, and then texting her ex, baiting him by saying she wants to marry him to exact revenge on OP. She's purposely limiting her search for new friends to men only.
> 
> We're talking about more than OP's fiance having some guy friends. Hell, in the past, she's had 7 men going at the same time. She's pushing past the boundaries of nearly every marriage I've heard of.


Agreed, this situation is different and my post is kind of off that specific topic.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

markanderson said:


> I and my girl friend are planning to get married.
> 
> My girl friend was always with male friends since her child hood.
> 
> ...


It's very simple. It has nothing to do with her rights, your rights or her fvcking pet dog's rights....

You have boundaries. You have expressed those boundaries, told her what you will not tolerate, and she has told you that her lifestyle does not mesh with your principals.

Time to say goodbye to her and find a woman who shares your values. Plainer than a desert sky.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Is it ok?? Most assuredly NOT.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

sh987 said:


> OP's fiance is going to male friends for drunken consolation after fights/arguments, and then texting her ex, baiting him by saying she wants to marry him to exact revenge on OP. She's purposely limiting her search for new friends to men only.
> 
> We're talking about more than OP's fiance having some guy friends. Hell, in the past, she's had 7 men going at the same time. She's pushing past the boundaries of nearly every marriage I've heard of.


Now I'm starting to think she's still in "game" mode.

He would have to scrape all that teflon down for her to have enough integrity to be in a solid relationship, she's just too slick, been far too successful at being that slick too.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

CuddleBug said:


> A co worker went through the same thing.
> 
> He met this girl, they dated, lots of sex and started to get serious. *She was texting and hanging with her many guy friends. This drove the co worker crazy and they fought about it often. Yet when he even chats with another woman, let alone texts one, she flips out*. Then she got pregnant and now they live together and are raising their son. She finally got it and stopped hanging with her guy friends and almost no more texting. She grew up but still freaks out if this co worker even mentions another woman.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

in particular in bold. similar to your girlfriend/fiance' - this to me shows she has something unusual going on inside her head. i.e. she is not just your avergae narcissist. She has no ability of self examination, introspection - to see her own glaring inconsistencies. I think that's the most telling indicator.

as others have noted, the many boyfriends she has provide her with "supply", as it is often called. i.e. a large supply of attention and adoration, much more than one guy can possibly provide and the kind that only comes from sexual interactions - which is why she specializes in opposite sex friendships. BTW she will not want to let go of the male frioends she already has.....e.g. she will want to stay in touch with them by phone or Facebook at minimum. This kind of individual simply cannot give up their stable of admirers. 

Anyway that's my take on her. OP - not only would I not marry her, I'd think seriously about moving on completely. she sounds like she will be a real big problem for you.....


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

hawkeye said:


> Wow, so many people with no faith in their spouse. Like being around anyone of the opposite sex will just magically turn them into hornball cheaters. Most of the new and close friends I've made over the past 10 years have been women. My wife is cool with it. She's been friends with guys in the past and it's never been a problem. Hell, she went out to dinner with her ex and I wasn't the least bit worried.



your wife went on a dinner date with her ex?


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

treyvion said:


> Now I'm starting to think she's still in "game" mode.
> 
> He would have to scrape all that teflon down for her to have enough integrity to be in a solid relationship, she's just too slick, been far too successful at being that slick too.


Yup.

Whether by choice or design, she's not wired for monogamy. She WILL cheat on him if she hasn't already, and I'd be stunned. 
With all due respect to OP, and not speaking of his problems lightly, I think this relationship is doomed.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I'm curious to hear back from the thread owner


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> I'm curious to hear back from the thread owner


I don't think he understands what he is dealing with.

She was operating out of the "hoe" or "party girl" or "multi dater" mindset and very successful in it for a very long time, comfortable hedging some positions of hers behind a committed guys back, probably always wants favours to go her way ( entitlement ), etc.

Someone usually doesn't get out of this mindset unless something happens to bust them out of it.

An STD, drama for the very last time, violence, etc something that made them want to leave that way of living.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

nuclearnightmare said:


> your wife went on a dinner date with her ex?


Yup. I trust her, she trusts me. Neither has a reason to cheat and neither of us turns into a mindless horny sex fiend just because a member of the opposite sex is in our presence.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

treyvion said:


> I don't think he understands what he is dealing with.
> 
> She was operating out of the "hoe" or "party girl" or "multi dater" mindset and very successful in it for a very long time, comfortable hedging some positions of hers behind a committed guys back, probably always wants favours to go her way ( entitlement ), etc.
> 
> ...


oh....I could not agree more

I was closing bars at 3 AM, drag racing with the guys

playing the field....nothing wrong with that

but I never entered into any type of commitment

during this time....then I met "her", my now X

everything changed then and there....this gal isn't

feeling it, at all but tells him she does


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

Chuck71 said:


> How did you meet this gal?
> 
> Being her in Europe and you are in US


I met her on on a trip to Europe. That is how i met her. And we have a long distance relationship. I visit her often.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I will take your advice seriously.



SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> Re: Is it ok? The answer is NO!
> 
> It's not okay because it's not okay WITH YOU.
> It's not okay because it's not okay for YOUR marriage.
> ...


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I have no idea where she will run 



Chuck71 said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I never understood why my pop used to say
> 
> ...


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

3 years long distance how did you manage it ? 



IGSIMB said:


> Why would she write off all females? Sounds to me that she does like the attention and you said it yourself, she had a boyfriend and other guys on a side.
> 
> Can you live together without marrying? I couldn't (I am European). We got married to be able to be together. We also had 3 yr long distance prior the marriage.
> 
> Just having guy friends sounds to me like someone is a attention wh*re. btw both genders can be one.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I seriously never thought about this till now. She does discuss my personal issues with her friends.




SolidSnake said:


> Of course she likes attention from men, that is why she has all male friends. There is really something wrong with people who hate one gender or another.
> 
> Hold your ground, your instincts are right on. I would reconsider marrying her unless you resolve this. And it doesn't seem like she is willing to change, so she will probably do the same thing after marriage. You are right to be concerned about affairs given her behavior.
> 
> ...


----------



## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I will talk to her about this. If she does not give up her guy friends after marriage. It's a bye bye from me.




CuddleBug said:


> A co worker went through the same thing.
> 
> He met this girl, they dated, lots of sex and started to get serious. She was texting and hanging with her many guy friends. This drove the co worker crazy and they fought about it often. Yet when he even chats with another woman, let alone texts one, she flips out. Then she got pregnant and now they live together and are raising their son. She finally got it and stopped hanging with her guy friends and almost no more texting. She grew up but still freaks out if this co worker even mentions another woman.
> 
> ...


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

markanderson said:


> I seriously never thought about this till now. She does discuss my personal issues with her friends.


Too many heads in your personal business. It never can work out well. They end up tearing the "outsider" down, and to her group you are the "outsider".


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

thanks for your advice.



Vega said:


> OP,
> 
> I'm going to suggest that you take a good long look at your g/f right now _as she is_. If you want her to change a basic fundamental aspect of her personality or her character after marriage, then I see some problems, which have to do with YOU.
> 
> ...


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I told her she can go work and she will make friends there. But she was not that interested in it. She says she will be bored at home and will spend time with the guys when I am at work, and be back home when I am home. 

I told her clearly you can make friends at work, but spending time alone with a man is a NO NO. I also said spending time alone with a man is nothing but dating him.




Jellybeans said:


> Well I know some women just don't have a lot of female friends, and mainly male friends, but that has never been my experience so it's always a little odd tome, and even more when people say that they "hate women" - especially when they ARE a woman. What is up with that?
> 
> OP-I think this may create problems in your marriage down the line. *May* The reason is because it seems she believes she will be bored when you are at work so she said she will befriend some dudes to hang out with when you are working. Why does she need to do that? Does she not have a job? Hobbies? Interests? Why didn't she mention doing other things? Why was that her go-to answer.
> 
> I think men and women can be friends but when you start putting other people ahead of your spouse, that is when it becomes a problem. If she wants to spend ALL of her free time outside of your marriage w/ other men, then yeah, that to me, is weird.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I will certainly sign a prenup with any woman I marry. and your post just confirms it again.



ArmyofJuan said:


> Pre-nup with a clause to where if either of you commit adultery then that person gets nothing.
> 
> Nothing.
> 
> ...


----------



## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

You are right it is playing with fire, time does not change this at all.



treyvion said:


> Yeah but have you been around the TAM sites and similar for the last ten years.
> 
> These very "fun" and "cool" opposite sex relationships have a tendancy to push the relationship boundaries. Plus some of the "friends" are attracted to the spouse even if they don't say it. So they are waiting their turn, it's not a good dynamic.
> 
> ...


----------



## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

Looks like it 



treyvion said:


> Now I'm starting to think she's still in "game" mode.
> 
> He would have to scrape all that teflon down for her to have enough integrity to be in a solid relationship, she's just too slick, been far too successful at being that slick too.


----------



## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

She has tons of guys on facebook drolling over her. She has like 2500 friends 



nuclearnightmare said:


> :iagree:
> 
> in particular in bold. similar to your girlfriend/fiance' - this to me shows she has something unusual going on inside her head. i.e. she is not just your avergae narcissist. She has no ability of self examination, introspection - to see her own glaring inconsistencies. I think that's the most telling indicator.
> 
> ...


----------



## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I feel guilty, that I am talking about her here . But I wanted to ask opinion, before I made a mistake of marriage and then regret it.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

markanderson said:


> she does not drink all the time, only during times of stress between us.


 Then she's going to be drunk the majority of the time. 

Your not married yet and it's causing stress. Think about how it will be after you marry her.

This girl doesn't have nor does she want any boundaries that's going to cramp her style and your going to be the cramp and with a cramp means crap and your going to get crapped on in a big way so friend you better get marriage out of your head with her way of thinking or your going to be in serious trouble. She's going to do what she wants whether or not if you like it. She's already told you this so if you marry her and it blows up in your face then look in the mirror and blame the guy looking back at you. You were warned.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

Yes I have been under a lot of stress 



6301 said:


> Then she's going to be drunk the majority of the time.
> 
> Your not married yet and it's causing stress. Think about how it will be after you marry her.
> 
> This girl doesn't have nor does she want any boundaries that's going to cramp her style and your going to be the cramp and with a cramp means crap and your going to get crapped on in a big way so friend you better get marriage out of your head with her way of thinking or your going to be in serious trouble. She's going to do what she wants whether or not if you like it. She's already told you this so if you marry her and it blows up in your face then look in the mirror and blame the guy looking back at you. You were warned.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

markanderson said:


> Yes I have been under a lot of stress


You know this won't get better if you marry her.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

She doesn't sound like a safe bet.

Why do you even want to marry her?

In the mistaken belief that it will make her more loyal. She's already preparing for your marriage to fail, and she's openly letting you know, so that she feels no guilt about it when it does.

This is the kind of twisted thinking you will encounter.

That as long as she gave you a 'hint', then she's not responsible for you not picking up on the hint. It becomes 'your own fault'.

The only antidote for 'hint' games is to be very clear and in-depth about expectations, and not leave things in any kind of grey-area.

For a woman, silence is consent.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

markanderson said:


> I seriously never thought about this till now. She does discuss my personal issues with her friends.


Discussing marital problems with friends of the opposite is a huge risk factor which can lead to cheating.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

He can date her, but the natural progression is all her male friends have to fall the hell off... Back off, if she still wants to be that close to them, that's not going to work at all.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

markanderson said:


> I feel guilty, that I am talking about her here . But I wanted to ask opinion, before I made a mistake of marriage and then regret it.


I am curious which part of Europe is she from? Mediterraneans, west, east, north, central? Is it in EU is Euro there? I am European and to be honest I tried to get my H to move to Europe and live with me there, has she ever suggested that, it is rather hard transition to just pick up and move, is she excited to move to U.S.? I don't want to be the mean one to point this out but have you considered that this might be a green card marriage? And what would you do if it turned out to be that? Maybe she is dual citizen already? I now this is terrible stereotype, people would suggest that with me, and I am fine with that, people believe in stereotypes, I do to sometimes..


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

I don't know about you, but time alone with male friends is a deal breaker for me. If I were in your shoes, I'd be heading for the hills.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

hawkeye said:


> Yup. I trust her, she trusts me. Neither has a reason to cheat and neither of us turns into a mindless horny sex fiend just because a member of the opposite sex is in our presence.


Hmmm.......i'm skeptical that this is a good thing but I'm intrigued. Will have to check out some of your other posts/threads. I assume you have the exact same prerogative, if you want to exercise it. I.e. do you take other women out for dinner etc?


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

She told me so many times to move there and live with her. She is not really excited to move here. She prefers to stay in Europe. She is from FSU. She told me that it will be hard transition to leave everything and come here. I know she loves me a lot. At the same time I wonder if she loves me a lot why does she need other male friends 



Feeling-Lonely said:


> I am curious which part of Europe is she from? Mediterraneans, west, east, north, central? Is it in EU is Euro there? I am European and to be honest I tried to get my H to move to Europe and live with me there, has she ever suggested that, it is rather hard transition to just pick up and move, is she excited to move to U.S.? I don't want to be the mean one to point this out but have you considered that this might be a green card marriage? And what would you do if it turned out to be that? Maybe she is dual citizen already? I now this is terrible stereotype, people would suggest that with me, and I am fine with that, people believe in stereotypes, I do to sometimes..


----------



## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

nuclearnightmare said:


> Hmmm.......i'm skeptical that this is a good thing but I'm intrigued. Will have to check out some of your other posts/threads. I assume you have the exact same prerogative, if you want to exercise it. I.e. do you take other women out for dinner etc?


I don't necessarily think it's a good or bad thing. And funny you should ask....just today I had lunch with a former female coworker (single, attractive), my wife knew, and her reaction was "haha, everyone will think you're having affair." Hell, back in grad school I went on spring break with two single chicks. Why? Because she knows I'm not going to **** around on her.


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

What's FSU?


----------



## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

6301 said:


> What's FSU?


Former Soviet Union.

So Am I, btw, so are millions of people. Even being in EU and NATO for over a decade, having Euro there and so on and so forth still, a certain kind of uneducated people still stereotype and believe that everyone from FSU dies to immigrate to U.S. 

I admit, I am being a bit stuck up because I don't necessarily know everything about all states.


----------



## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

One thing I have noticed living in U.S. is the difference how people behave in parties, In Europe (I have been in almost all of EU countries and seen this, correct me if I am wrong) everyone at a party hangs out together and share the same conversation. 

In U.S. however I have been friendly guided to just hang out with other girls while boys do the same and have Boy-talk, cars, jobs, BBQ you name it. Sometimes even in a different room, very bazaar to me.

Your gf would definitely dislike this very much.


----------



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

markanderson said:


> She knows that I have no female friends, and I never thought it was right to put questions like this. What if she says you can have your own female friends, I do not want that. I want her to know I do not like her having any male friends after marriage. The reason is most guys who wants to be friends will have only one thing is mind :scratchhead: . I do not want to take any chances.
> 
> I can see, us getting into a fight in the future again after marriage, and she will run to her male friends.
> 
> This happened a month back. We had a argument and she went to drink and went to her male friends for consolation, and even emailed her ex that she will marry him to hurt me, she said she was drunk and did not know what she was doing.


I think, from what you've written, it would be a huge mistake to marry her. I believe your instincts are correct. I also feel that a person who cannot interact with other people based on their sex is not of a healthy mindset, and if you have no such problems yourself, i.e. can interact and be friends with both sexes, then you will find it difficult to develop healthy 'couple' friendships later on, which can be a great way to spend time with your partner while enjoying an active social life.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

markanderson said:


> Yes she is very jealous lady. I don't understand she wants to have male friends, but she will get jealous if I am with another girl.


As for this, I believe partners need to be fair to one another. To allow yourself to be treated unfairly from the get go is to invite heartache later on.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

No I don't take out other women for diner etc. I don't hang out with females. 




nuclearnightmare said:


> Hmmm.......i'm skeptical that this is a good thing but I'm intrigued. Will have to check out some of your other posts/threads. I assume you have the exact same prerogative, if you want to exercise it. I.e. do you take other women out for dinner etc?


----------



## TrustIsGone (Nov 17, 2012)

I haven't read this whole thread, but from my point of view, there's going to have to be some compromise from you both, or you'll end up with resentment.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

So, go and get married ... now, do you want to live with this for the rest of your life?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

markanderson said:


> No I don't take out other women for diner etc. I don't hang out with females.


One of my ex used to have to be the center of attention, had a lot of guy friends. When she started being with me for real, she brought me out around them. I was the man, they weren't ahead of me because they been around longer. So I felt comfortable and no jealousy.

Over time they fall off and focus on their single lifes, but if they did see her 95% of the time I was right there. 

She still had one guy friend who could visit us years later. He would visit every several years, no stress about it, he had his single life and my ex had her married life which was respected.

So if she's going to be with you for real, she's going to need to start backing out of her single life and her "friends" need to respect her... Thing about it 1/2 of her friends are there to get into her panties, so when she finally expresses this isn't happening because you are the center of her life many of them will back off.

As long as she gives them the green light and allows for the wrong type of attention from them, you are going to be in trouble.


----------



## twin (Feb 24, 2013)

I have to chime in, I'd run if I were you. I agree with others, if no female friends, she thrives on the attention. And believe me, those men are giving her attention.


----------



## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Married but Happy said:


> Your situation is different. I doubt that you can realistically impose any restrictions on her in this - she either agrees with your request, or rejects it. *If you are not happy with her decision, you can simply not marry her and avoid the problems you suspect will occur. For you, this is a red flag and you probably have a good basis for thinking as you do - ignore it at your peril*.


VERY VERY wise advice here. One of the biggest mistakes made when it comes to marriage is how we interpret what we see as the negatives of the other person.

Many people feel that, over time, those negatives will disappear on their own ie "They'll grow up, they'll mature etc. when we get married" or that the person can change them "He's almost perfect, but I can mold him. She's incredible except for having bad boundaries". 

People are programming in Lotus...WYSIWYG. What you see is what you get. When deciding to marry someone, look at who they are RIGHT NOW and ask yourself...if they NEVER change one bit, will I still love them 20 years from now? 40 years from now? Or will their "negative" behavior (again, this is YOUR opinion but that's all that matters in YOUR choices to marry) become an issue over time.

OP this behavior is an issue for you...A big one...Big enough to come onto a marriage website looking for advice. This should be a decision maker for you. Expect that she won't change.



Jellybeans said:


> Well I know some women just don't have a lot of female friends, and mainly male friends, but that has never been my experience so it's always a little odd tome, and even more when people say that they "hate women" - especially when they ARE a woman. What is up with that?


I do think that men and women can be friends. 

I don't think they can be "best friends" as in the friend who is the emotional support outside of the marriage that most people have. That person should be of the same sex. (there is the 0.1% exception to the rule, but still).

As you mention, the issue with the OP's fiance is the "hating other women" (to and from). That's not normal or healthy. Meaning his fiance has some issues when it comes to gender relations.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

So let me get this right.

She's from an area of the world that has a higher emigration rate (including mail order brides as a way for these women to get out of their country)
Long Distance Relationship (as in it's harder to truly know who that person is, you always get "their best)
There are red flags about personal boundaries
There are red flags about other men (sorry but it's much easier for a cheater in a LDR)

Sorry but I see A LOT of pitfalls here.


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## Shazz1991 (Jul 31, 2011)

There's absolutely no problem in a wife having male friends and a husband having female friends.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Shazz1991 said:


> There's absolutely no problem in a wife having male friends and a husband having female friends.


Right! But there is a way it's done. Don't walk into the fire and do the things which are going to bring you closer to that opposite sex friend. Such as complaining about your spouse. It's a known way an OM gets closer to a WW.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

twin said:


> I have to chime in, I'd run if I were you. I agree with others, if no female friends, she thrives on the attention. And believe me, those men are giving her attention.


Some may give attention just to be in the company of someone interesting, but very many are giving her attention mixed with lust, and joking around and taking shots at her! If they get alcohol in them some of the jokes will come to fruition.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

markanderson said:


> No I don't take out other women for diner etc. I don't hang out with females.


Part of your MAP plan and GAL should be to do exactly that. Your woman doesn't understand what it feels like. Raise your sex-rank, and get out and have some fun too.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

breeze said:


> As for this, I believe partners need to be fair to one another. To allow yourself to be treated unfairly from the get go is to invite heartache later on.


It's like talking to a country that has nukes and a large army and you just have guys with spears and some security guards.

You need to increase the parity.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Satya said:


> So many red flags here.
> She is not marriage material or ready for marriage.
> 
> Red Flag #78: She has more guy friends than girl friends... | 100 RED FLAGS
> ...


Omg that article was so funny! So was the Biz Markie picture and caption underneath!

OP said his fiance HATES women. I really don't understand that; being that she is a woman! It's so weird for me to hear a woman say she hates women.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Satya said:


> So many red flags here.
> She is not marriage material or ready for marriage.
> 
> Red Flag #78: She has more guy friends than girl friends... | 100 RED FLAGS
> ...


I mean. You CANNOT deny that we are all in "situations" which are nothing new. There are millions of occurences of these situations occuring. They work out a certain way and it's the reason people seriously warn you, because you really do not want to learn by putting your hand on the hot burner on the stove. 

I wanted to point out, that if he doesn't kiss her ass in exactly the right way, she has 50 guy friends who would be happy to.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Omg that article was so funny! So was the Biz Markie picture and caption underneath!
> 
> OP said his fiance HATES women. I really don't understand that; being that she is a woman! It's so weird for me to hear a woman say she hates women.


Their all probably super competitive with her or cutting her down because of her looks. But then again, she has those looks for a reason. It didn't happen over night and it's no accident. Currently she likes being a sex symbol amongst a bunch of males. She has a history of exploiting the said status.


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## Feeling-Lonely (Nov 13, 2013)

Dad&Hubby said:


> So let me get this right.
> 
> She's from an area of the world that has a higher emigration rate (including mail order brides as a way for these women to get out of their country) =QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Opposite sex friends always lead to problems. Either at first or eventually

there will be sexual tension.


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## hawkeye (Oct 6, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> Opposite sex friends always lead to problems. Either at first or eventually
> 
> there will be sexual tension.



Always, huh? How about opposite sex friends lead to problems with people who can't control themselves.


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

OP, you won't like what I say, but it's an honest opinion.

Who she befriends is her own business. If anything, it makes you look insecure. If these friends were women, would you care?

Also, if she chooses to cheat (which evidently shouldn't happen) then she may meet a man at work, at her hobby group/club, at church, or wherever she hangs out/spends time in. And even if most of her friends were female, who says she wouldn't spend time cheating with them? It could happen, and by definition is still infidelity.


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

Goldmember357 said:


> Opposite sex friends always lead to problems. Either at first or eventually
> 
> there will be sexual tension.


Perhaps. But then to presume this means more or less cheating is silly.

I think it reeks of insecurity to limit who a significant other hangs out with.


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## thummper (Dec 19, 2013)

This is an easy one. You're already stressed out about her fraternizing with other guys. She couldn't care less how much it bothers you. Hey, you're NOT married! Do you REALLY want to put yourself in a position where you're always wondering about her and her male "harem?" Just end this and let her have all her manfriends. I can foresee a pretty bad disaster building for you if you go through with the marriage. Need to be proactive here, or you're going to wind up in constant turmoil. Do you think it would be worth it?


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

You are right on this, if she chooses to cheat, she can do that with a man at work also.

I also realized what is the guarantee I find another girl who says she will be faithful to me and ends up cheating.

So life is uncertain  How things change in the future is not in any one's hands.








ca-nami said:


> OP, you won't like what I say, but it's an honest opinion.
> 
> Who she befriends is her own business. If anything, it makes you look insecure. If these friends were women, would you care?
> 
> Also, if she chooses to cheat (which evidently shouldn't happen) then she may meet a man at work, at her hobby group/club, at church, or wherever she hangs out/spends time in. And even if most of her friends were female, who says she wouldn't spend time cheating with them? It could happen, and by definition is still infidelity.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

I had a talk with her and she said she will not have any male friends after marriage. 

:smthumbup:


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

markanderson said:


> I had a talk with her and *she said she will not have any male friends after marriage. *
> 
> :smthumbup:



:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:



:scratchhead: I'm sorry, that made me laugh out loud in real life!


.


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## markanderson (Jan 22, 2014)

Why ? 



SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

markanderson said:


> I had a talk with her and she said she will not have any male friends after marriage.
> 
> :smthumbup:


Good luck I hope she is being honest with you.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

There are differences in friendships between the opposite sex, and considerations that don't apply in same sex friendships. 

I don't think it's appropriate for a married person to spend a lot of time alone with friends of the opposite sex either.

However, you aren't her father. She is an adult. You cannot forbid her to do something, and vice versa. All you can do is draw a line in the sand, state your feelings and boundaries. If she won't respect them then you have a decision to make.


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

markanderson said:


> I had a talk with her and she said she will not have any male friends after marriage.
> 
> :smthumbup:


And just like that you believe it??.

It would take a lot more than her just saying it after reading your thread.

I maybe in the minority here, but i would not like it if my hubby was hanging out with all Female friends all the time innocent or not, but saying that he would not like it if i was hanging with all male friends.... Could get a lot worse after your married.

I would talk with her, and then think very hard if marrying her is the best thing to do.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Friendzone exists and its a black hole to get out of.


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## Eight2Six (Nov 27, 2013)

I dated someone when I was in my 20's that I fell in love with. I asked if we could only date each other. She agreed except asked if she would still hang out with her male best friend. She always told me they were just friends. I was suspect but said sure. Turned out they were friends with benefits. I am not sure they were still having sex after I met her but one night we got back to her place and he had a vulgar voicemail on her machine. He was drunk and said he wanted her to come over and f**k his brains out. Then his drunk friends all started yelling they wanted the same thing. Trust your instincts.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Eight2Six said:


> I dated someone when I was in my 20's that I fell in love with. I asked if we could only date each other. She agreed except asked if she would still hang out with her male best friend. She always told me they were just friends. I was suspect but said sure. Turned out they were friends with benefits. I am not sure they were still having sex after I met her but one night we got back to her place and he had a vulgar voicemail on her machine. He was drunk and said he wanted her to come over and f**k his brains out. Then his drunk friends all started yelling they wanted the same thing. Trust your instincts.



How did your relationship continue immediately after that?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Eight2Six said:


> I dated someone when I was in my 20's that I fell in love with. I asked if we could only date each other. She agreed except asked if she would still hang out with her male best friend. She always told me they were just friends. I was suspect but said sure. Turned out they were friends with benefits. I am not sure they were still having sex after I met her but one night we got back to her place and he had a vulgar voicemail on her machine. He was drunk and said he wanted her to come over and f**k his brains out. Then his drunk friends all started yelling they wanted the same thing. Trust your instincts.


They all wanted the same thing with her in particular?


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