# Is it okay that husband wont stand up for me when it comes to his family?



## YoungMilitarySpouse

My husband is a momma's boy. We have been married 11 months and have been having difficulties. Everything i do right for him he never tells his mother but every single disagreement we have he runs to his phone and calls her up. He now says his mother hates me and his sisters want to cut me. I am horrified by this!! My family does not have a relationship with him, but this is something he did not expect and is not my fault as I have not had contact with them for years myself. But his family is a big part of his life and because of the things hes said to them they dont like me! How can this marriage last if his family wants nothing to do with me! What about Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc??? What if we have kids? Then hes going to take them to Grandmas but Im not allowed to come?!!


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## Blanca

Wow ya, that is not ok. My H and I had issues with his mom. He invited her over, after I became aware of them talking about me behind my back, and I bought an airline ticket out that same day. I told him to choose between me or her. It didnt resolve everything, but she never came over again. And he doesnt talk about me to her anymore.


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## marina72

Young... 

First, thank you for your service to our country.


No, it's not okay, for him to say things like "my sisters want to cut you" 

what is that? What kind of psycho says that to their own wife?

And if he's running and calling his Mom every time you guys have a disagreement, argument, or need to make a major decision, well then I am sorry to say, that this will indeed make it very difficult to have a normal, successful marriage.

Try telling him this won't do. Tell him to either cut it out, or you'll be out. This is what I would do in this particular situation. Because of the total disregard he has shown for you, and your feelings. Not to mention, no man should threaten his wife "through" his sisters.... that is just nuts. The first thing he should have said to his sisters if they said that about you is " Don't you dare talk about my wife in that manner" 

If counseling, or therpay will not work, please dont' stick around in an abusive marriage. What he is doing to you, is not right. 

His family has no business treating you this way, and it will unfortunately only get worse. If he is that much of a momma's boy, then it's not likely he will change any time soon.

Tell him to grow up, and stand up for you.. or get rid of him, Before you have any kids... please don't get pregnant while all this is still going on... Trust me, it will only make things a lot worse.

Update us ....


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## YoungMilitarySpouse

Thank you for your responses. It is good to know that my feelings on this matter are agreed upon by others. 

"What kind of psycho says that to their own wife?"- this is something I wonder with a lot of the things he says. Like how he wants to take our ONLY family car with him when we goes for training when the military provides all transportation he needs because he says it will make things more conveinent for him, but will leave me stranded in the south during the summer with two dogs and no car from june-september....what kind of man would do this to their wife? what kind of person would do this to anyone? how am i supposed to go out? get groceries? take the dogs to the vet? now i cant go to school in town until he gets back. i have to take classes online which cost a lot more. 
thankfully, there will be no surprise pregnancies. I have PCOS and can only get pregnant through fertility drugs. I think this is a blessing from God to protect me since he mustve known I wasnt the best and picking partners....


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## marina72

first... if you're not using birth control, even women with pcos can get pregnant spontaneously, my cousin has this... and although getting preggers is more difficult, if you're having sex, and you happen to ovulate... then you get the drift. Don't have sex with him!


I just read your other post... about him abusing you! Get Rid of him,,, Fast!!!

The fact is Young, No real Man would do that to his wife. Leave her without a Car for 3 months???? That is just totally nuts. 

I know how it is in the Air Force, my ex hubby was in the Air Force too, and he was just as nutty, I dumped him, I'm much happier now.

He is NOT allowed to leave his spouse stranded.. as you've already found out. He is just mad that you called him on it, and told his "first shirt" But the fact is, it's he that is being the jerk. 

You can't stay with someone that physically abuses you. And only 11 months in? It's not a feasible marriage Young, I'm sorry..

as if the abuse wasnt' bad enough, he's also mentally abusing you. There is NO shame at all, in divorcing a nutjob like this guy.


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## GAsoccerman

divorce him, he is scum....get out while you can. You deserve better.


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## YoungMilitarySpouse

Wow, ladies. I really needed to be hit in the face with the truth cause everything you all have said has been sinking in....guess Im on to the divorce forum to find out the cheapest and fastest way to get my life back
Thank you all


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## marina72

first things first..... go see a lawyer. An uncontested divorce, does not cost very much. I'd make your husband pay for it...

Your attorney can work out a set of divorce agreement papers.... you both agree to whatever terms, sign them, they are filed with the court, and then the judge grants the divorce... and within either 30 or 60 days... or longer depending on what state you're divorcing in, and also perhaps what state you got married in.... then it's final

Good luck, please keep us updated.


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## YoungMilitarySpouse

Thank you, Marina...this is all so hard...I appreciate the support


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## marina72

you're welcome..... you don't deserve that kind of treatment. And you're so young... you will someday find a decent man, whether he's in the military or not. I am glad you're moving on... because he is not treating you like a husband should treat a wife. 
He should be ashamed...

Also, the base legal office, can give you some help. I don't remember the extent of the help they can give,,but they might be able to point you in the right direction. 
But since there are no children, and probaby very little real property to divide... it should be pretty cut and dry. 

and you can look up any attorney under "divorce" sometimes they even list as "uncontested divorce" I would just have him served...

He should know better than to be violent, and leave you stranded without a car for months on end while he is TDY....


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## makingmymarriagework

Wow, I'm reading these posts and I have to piggyback. This man is no good for you. You deserve so much better.


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