# I hit my wife and now I feel terrible



## SteveBo

Yesterday an argument got out of our control and we were shouting and calling names to each other then I hit her and wanted to leave and she was trying to hold me and hit her again. After all this chaos we ended up in the street with me trying to run away and she grabbing with my clothes and taking the bag which I had keys and money. All this happened in front of our 4 year old child. I feel really terrible about all this. She is a compulsive liar and emotionally abuses me all the time. I cant say that I am the victim here but I come to a point where I can't stand for more and I end up being the abuser by hitting and shouting.


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## bandit.45

Get a divorce.


Get into deep, serious counseling to find out why you lack impulse control and the ability to control your actions. 


Find out why you seek out and marry dysfunctional and manipulative women. 


Do not date or marry until you get yourself sorted out...which could take years. 


But for now, slam your forehead into the corner of a wall and give yourself a good brow cut. You deserve it.


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## arbitrator

*There is never a rational reason to ever strike another person unless you have firsthand proof that they are actually hostily engaged and are trying to kill you!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsAldi

Violence never solves anything in relationships. 
Why do you keep fighting with her until it escalates in chaos? 
You will likely end up in jail if this continues. 
And the police will have no sympathy for you if you hit first. 
You will be arrested. 

If she's a liar and an abuser, then walk away, forget proving her wrong & ignore it. 

Stop fighting & start parenting and look for the best interests of your child. 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Looking2Change

You have a serious anger and/or impulse control. I agree that you need to get a divorce and get some counseling. As a Martial Arts instructor it's never OK to hit someone unless you have no other option for your survival and that's clearly not the case here.


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## Anon Pink

SteveBo said:


> Yesterday an argument got out of our control



This was your first mistake. When arguments are getting too heated, when name calling is about to begin, it is time to remove yourself from the situation to cool down.

"I need some time to cool down. I'll be back as soon as feel like I'm under control again."






> and we were shouting and calling names


Names hurt. They may not sink in right away but when the person you love calls you a name it sticks and never really leaves. Even an apology doesn't erase the name. Calling someone you love a name, or having the urge to, means you are about to damage the relationship possibly beyond repair.

Do not EVER call someone you love a name. She's not a B!tch, but she may ACT like a B!tch. She's not a .....fill in the blank....but she may ACT like one. That is how you rephrase name calling. "You're acting like a total b!tch!" 

When/if she calls you a name, you end the discussion/argument eight there. "I'm not going to continue this until we both calm down."

Being in a relationship in which name calling is frequently part of arguments means the relationship is dysfunctional. The people in the relationship are dysfunctional. If this fits you, time to learn a better way to resolve conflict.




> then I hit her and wanted to leave and she was trying to hold me and hit her again.



By this point you had already crossed the threshold of abuse. Out of control conflict escalation, name calling, ....in a situation like this it is extremely difficult to regain control but it's possible. You knew you weren't in any danger of harm. You struck out because you were angry, felt like she pushed you too far, felt trapped and cornered. I've seen women do this to men. I've seen my own mother do this to my father. But he never ever hit her or called her a name. Not once. And she could get really out of control! My father would become silent and still when my mother got herself out of control. He would lower his voice and say, "I'm not fighting anymore." That's all he would say, nothing more. She never hit him and he never hit her. But growing up listening to her ...and listening to him try to de-escalate, it taught me a lot about what I never ever wanted to experience in my relationships.



> All this happened in front of our 4 year old child. I feel really terrible about all this.


As you should. 

Your child has no way to processs what he saw. Expect to see more nightmares, perhaps regression in toileting or needing more help to do tasks he normally can do, expect perhaps biting, expect to see aggression from him/her toward peers. 

You've just taught your child that name calling, out of control arguments and hitting are the way to deal with being mad.

Talk with your child about what he saw. Explain that you will always keep him safe and you will always love him. Next promise to never hurt his mother again. Admit it was wrong and that you are very sorry you did that. Tell him you are going to learn to control yourself so that you never ever hit his mother again.




> She is a compulsive liar and emotionally abuses me all the time. I cant say that I am the victim here but I come to a point where I can't stand for more and I end up being the abuser by hitting and shouting.


You didn't know about her compulsive lying before you knocked her up? You think a woman who lies compulsively and is emotionally abusive should be raising your children? WTF is wrong with you? When you have sex with a woman there is a chance you're going to knock her up. If she isn't the kind of woman you want raising your kids, keep it in your damn pants!!!!!

Therapy, for all of you!


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## Young at Heart

I know people who have gone to jail for less. 

SteveBo; Get you and your wife to counseling ASAP. Then later maybe your child.

What you did is so beyond No, I can't express sufficient reasons. You have a problem that you need to address. If you can't change yourself, then you need to avoid contact with people who trigger that, even if it is your wife.


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## uhtred

You hit her. There are no excuses except active self defense. 

How can you be sure you will never do it again?

If she acts in a way that makes you that angry, why would you want to stay with her?


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## Young at Heart

uhtred said:


> ...There are no excuses except active self defense....


Even self-defense is not a good enough reason, as a co-worker learned the hard way.

His wife got drunk and became abusive. Started hitting him and broke his glasses, which cut him. He hit her back "to get a way from her." She came after him again, and he called the police.

The police came. They came inside and he explained what happened, including that he had to hit her to get away from her. 

The police asked the wife it he had hit her. She said yes. They asked if she had hit him. She said no. They then arrested him and took him to jail in his underwear with no wallet and no ID. 

In this state, police are required by law to arrest and hold over-night one of the people in a domestic violence case as they are not allowed to leave them together or both free as too many times further abuse has happened. This poor guy had to call friends to both bring him clothes and bail him out of jail the next morning. 

He decided that a divorce was appropriate and he got the best attorney he could afford who both worked the divorce and the domestic violence arrest. He was lucky that he was not convicted. If he had, he would have been barred for life from owning or buying firearms. 

In college, I use to work with a guy who was on parole after serving time for murdering his wife. Have you even seen the old Katzenjammer cartoons where the "wife" goes after the husband with either a rolling pin or frying pan? Well this guy's wife use to do that to him. One day he snapped, took a cast iron frying pan from her and hit her hard on the head. She died. He served 15 years. 

Even self defense is not a good reason. It is far better to back away and leave.


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## GreyEcho

Dude, you need to learn better coping skills.. Lashing out physically never ends well .. hope you can work through it


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## SteveBo

Thank you all. I realize that I need help. I cant do this on my own. I contacted an agency here which takes care of such family problems and I am ready to work on it.


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