# How far along should I be?



## havehope

Going on 4 months in seperation with my wife. I have been going to IC for 12 sessions, 1 every week. I'm wondering how far along I should be. We have been working on my trust issues, jealousy, and anger. Part of my sessions are about myself and the other part is about the marriage, what has happened between my wife and I during the week, what things I can do different when her and I talk, and just what I can do to get closer to her. I feel better about myself in all areas except with my wife. I have a 100% better relationship with my kids and that makes me very happy. I no longer have angry outbusts.

My question is where should I be at in counseling. I feel like things either should be progressing along faster with my wife than what they are or I should be moving along on my own. I still have alot of bad days where I'm depressed and thinking about her all day. My therapist says I am alot better than when I started and that he sees alot of good signs coming from her. He has been saying all along that he would like to get her in for a session to get her view on things and then hopefully to start MC after that with the two of us but he says he doesn't think the time is right yet.

With the issues I have with trusting people I'm wondering if the therapist is just stringing me along for my payment of if this is how long it takes. I should say I feel better when I go for a session and look forward to going and feel comfortable with him. I just feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Am I not being patient enough? He says he likes to see things go slowly and things climbing at a steady climb without many setbacks just as how they are going. Does anybody have any advice on how long I can expect this process to take?


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## Blanca

It sounds like you are doing really well and have found a great counselor. Its really hard to heal from trauma in a marriage and it can take years. Give yourself some time. The most important part of going to counseling is you don't shut all those feelings, bottle it up, and then explode later. It's really great that you've found a counselor you can talk to- that is the most important part of counseling. 

And if you haven't already, don't be afraid to keep doing research on your own and look into other methods or ideas that might help you heal. You can bring it up and discuss it with your counselor. It just takes time so hang in there.


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## bs193

I agree it sounds like you are doing as well as one could from IC. Keep working on you and as Blanca stated, do your own research such as looking into some self help books.

There is only so much you can do for your marriage through IC. You can work on you but I found it difficult, if not impossible, to work on the relationship....its just too one sided. Although I agree with bringing her into some sessions for YOUR benefit, I would consider a separate therapist for MC.


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## havehope

I agree with finding another counselor for MC and would be more than willing to do so.The problem is she so far has no interest in going. My IC has been talking about getting her to come in to get her perspective on things and then to try and get her back for a session with me and start MC. He thinks things are going well between us from what I tell him, lot of communication (not about relationship) no big fights, but I'm worried things aren't getting better if we don't talk about our problems. I'm also worried my therapist is telling me what I want to hear to keep me coming back, then again I have a hard time with trust.


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