# I still love and am very close to my stbxh's family!



## cdm9999 (May 20, 2012)

I am just about to serve my WH with the divorce papers-- my thread is called 'My husband wants to rekindle with his first love" in the infidelity forum. In a nutshell we are married 21 years, 4 children, he is having an EA /PA affair .... he wants me to wait around to see if it will work out with her, i said no, I said leave her or I go for divorce, he didnt leave her, therefore I filed.

Anyway. My question is how do i deal with his family. His mother LOVES me and I am very close with his siblings, especially one of them. I have hosted all the holidays over the years and now it seems so sad that I won't be spending holidays/birthdays with them. I am sure I will talk on phone and even see them sometimes, but just so sad about all this.

I would like to know how things worked out with my fellow TAMers and the in laws in these cases. Plus I would hate if they accepted the POSOW in their lives at the holiday table ..just in my place...Kills me. Hopefully they wont accept the POS but my WH is their family.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

I'm not far enough along to know how my ex's parents will deal with his new wench, but for me this is also one of the tougher aspects of the divorce. I talk to his parents once or twice a month...as far as I know he has avoided contact with them for about three months. I suspect he knows they will chew him out for abandoning me and the way he did it.

Anyway, talking to them makes me cry. Heavily. It drains me, even though I miss and love them. Knowing that I have to cut them out of my life is difficult, but I think it will be necessary for me to move on. I suggest that you take it slow. Give yourself space to figure out how you feel when you are with them vs. when you aren't. Spend more thought on and time with your family and friends. Thinking about their meeting the posOW will only hurt you, so I urge you to focus on yourself only.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I can't speak from my own experiences as the BS (although I am now one myself) but we have had a similar situation as yours in my extended family. 

My great-uncle cheated on and abandoned his wife. The wife was in our family for 27 years, they had three children together and she had always been very close to every one of us extended relatives. 

When my uncle cheated on and left her, we all cleaved to his wife/my great Aunt. As far as I'm concerned, she's family. His contact with the rest of our family has been minimal since his MLC/decision to have an affair and leave her for another woman (his choice not to have contact - nobody else's). This was about thirteen years ago, so they've long since divorced, he remarried to the other woman (and later divorced her too) and she also found new love (sadly, he died). She's still family, attends family functions and is like a surrogate mother to me and other women in our family. As far as I'm concerned, their divorce didn't change that the love we all have for her at all. As for the Uncle - nobody really cares about him. When he walked out on her, he walked out on his children and the rest of us.

I hope something similar, in terms of your relationships with his side of the family also works out for you as it did her.


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## cdm9999 (May 20, 2012)

I know he wont be regected totally by his family (at least his mother and siblings) but I would hope they would not make it comfortable for him or his posOW to be at family holidays etc in my place. I know they will be totally upset and disgusted by all this with the two of them. They did know her obviously when they were long term girlfriend/boyfriend in their teens.


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