# Infertility, separation and now he got HER pregnant



## Septua (Mar 26, 2009)

I can't even believe I have anything to do with this sordid story. My estranged infertile husband got his girlfriend pregnant. 

Here I am trying to just get over the separation and confronting whether or not I will have a family or not. The worst of it is that we live in separate cities now and NO ONE from my old community told me about either the pregnancy or the birth. 

I found out after he finally decided to file for divorce...please note that it was several months after the child had been born. Someone not very close to me let me know. He told everyone who he knew was in touch with me to not tell me...and they did not tell me. He refuses to admit that he even has a girlfriend, even though we talked about her before. And completely denies anything about the child. I should say that i am in a no-fault divorce state so it is immaterial to the divorce proceedings.

I feel like I lost the opportunity to have a family because I stayed with him. I am now in my mid-40s. I feel completely shamed by our old community. I don't know if I can ever go back there again and I wasted 20 years building ties to a place I can't return to.

I have been in touch with these women in that community over the last calendar year when they knew all of this was going on. I am not surprised he didn't have the ability to tell me. But them? 

Getting over the relationship is one thing. Getting over not having a family is another. But I'm devastated by the community reaction and the fact that I spent so many years on friendships that can't outlast my marriage. 

There will be a court date, there is paperwork for me to find closure with him and his toxic mind. 

How do I say goodbye, have closure with those so-called friends? If they didn't choose to inform me, do I have any future relationship with these people anyhow? What do I do with anger that is shifted by place and by time? How do I divorce a community?


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

as sad as this sounds, that life with him has now gone. i am sorry that your world is crushed. you wil hurt for some time. 
the divorce is the closure on the realationship, but not the hurt.
just let your body go through the normal motions of a grieving process.
keep busy is my suggestion , if and when you can.
you cant say goodbye in all situations.
a stil tongue in many cases, keeps a wise head.
those ppl know exactly what they did and all you would have to do is look at them. do no more. 
let this community live their lives with their own guilt and regret. understand that they have there own issues in their marriages.
most of them arent happy. 
but you ex to be has probably given you a better life than you deserved from him.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I know this is a hard situation to deal with. Many times we think we know exactly how our lives should be lived. But, many times things turn out differently than we had planned. Just remember a different path isn't always a bad thing. Your new path can be a better path. Each day gives you the opportunity to make new friends (& better ones). You have the opportunity to marry a better person, get a better job, etc. You could still have that family you wanted; it may just arrive in a different way than you planned. You could marry someone with children or even adopt. 

As for the old friends....are you still in contact with them? Some of them could have just not told you about the situation with your ex to be out of concern for you. A good friend sometimes tries to hide such things--they don't want you to endure the pain. An sometimes they just don't want to get involved in a situation such as this one because they want to remain friends with both parties.

Stay strong as you jouney begins on your new path.....


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