# Would a spouse accidentally confess to an affair during an argument?



## t10eml (Nov 30, 2012)

I remember my STBXW, during our fights, would yell out, "I've been sleeping with another man!" and after she calmed down she would say she was only saying it to scare me and didn't mean it.

She did this numerous times. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it was an unintended confession on her part.

What do you think?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Sure I can see a person doing that.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> Sure I can see a person doing that.


You forgot to add....Not.

No one would say something like that if it wasn't true. Clearly your exwife was confessing with the intent to hurt you.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I wouldn't say that to hurt someone... And I can't imagine "accidentally" confessing to anything I didn't want known... But that's just me. :/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

In my case, we were arguing about certain other things. In a moment of anger, she said "if I reveal my friends, that will not be good for you and me".

From there started my hell. May 2009.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

t10eml said:


> I remember my STBXW, during our fights, would yell out, "I've been sleeping with another man!" and after she calmed down she would say she was only saying it to scare me and didn't mean it.
> 
> She did this numerous times. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it was an unintended confession on her part.
> 
> What do you think?


It matters how? Three choices.

1) She is confessing so get a D.

2) She is very stupid and you are better off with out her so D.

3) She is nuts, so D.

All ends the same.


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## t10eml (Nov 30, 2012)

That's very good jim. I never thought it that way. In any case, we are in fact getting a D. No looking back now.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

We had a prior poster whose wife came clean in an argument YEARS after the fact.

I don't know what happened to them. So it does happen. 

For an amusing alternative view. Warning Video.

This last, btw, is NOT the way to deal with maritial strife. 


(thought you could use a laugh)


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

More often than not, when a person is under a severe emotional stress, say in a state of argumentation, such as that of undergoing a stressful court room cross-examination, that tends to make that person lash back out, quite frequently with some kind of a hurtful but truthful declaration.

The inherent stress seems to bring about a "confession" on their part that gives them some inate relief from some ugly or clandestined truth that they may be harboring or hiding.

In your case, I would greatly think that the statement she made was an absolute confession, much rather than a smoke screen.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

t10eml said:


> I remember my STBXW, during our fights, would yell out, "I've been sleeping with another man!" and after she calmed down she would say she was only saying it to scare me and didn't mean it.
> 
> She did this numerous times. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure it was an unintended confession on her part.
> 
> What do you think?


It would matter to me not one bit if she actually was cheating or not...any woman talks to me like that, and she's down the road. Period.


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

During my wife's PA, she said, "I don't know why when women have sex with someone, they get so emotionally attached."

I didn't think anything of this, until a month later...


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

This one is too easy. Telling a lie requires some contemplation. Usually truth is blurted out in passion. This is why right at arrest, criminals frequently confess but give them some time to regroup and think of a plausible lie, they try to recant. If, in the midst of having wild sex, you screamed out another woman's name, what would be the odds that you did so to intentionally deceive your wife? You would have been a little too busy and a little too involved in the moment to make up a lie. Same principle applies.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Carlton said:


> During my wife's PA, she said, "I don't know why when women have sex with someone, they get so emotionally attached."
> 
> I didn't think anything of this, until a month later...


Hey Carlton (Temp Threadjack Button), mabye you want to think about that again.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

Well, I hope it's not true that a lie doesn't come out in an argument.

When my wife and I were fighting a few years ago she blurted out that she "f-Ed someone in our bed" her words not mine.
She had and EA while we were separated and this statement, she says was to hurt me because she claims she will never know if I messed around during that time. I didn't. 

The night in question I saw his car at my house at midnight and have had doubts ever since. But facts about her and conversations with her and others make me think nothing happened. But then she says the f-ed in the bed thing and I wonder. Now I really wonder after all of you say this sort of thing is rarely a lie.

So I read this thread and this morning had a talk with her, just wanting her to convince me that she was only trying to hurt me. She got really pi-ssed at me and didn't make me feel better she just turned it back on me and justified her statement.

She's appalled I would even think she would do something like that. WTF!

So I'm hoping you guys are off the mark on this one. Hopefully people can lie just to hurt each other in an argument situation.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

dogman said:


> When my wife and I were fighting a few years ago she blurted out that she "f-Ed someone in our bed" ........................... She had and EA while we were separated ............
> The night in question I saw his car at my house at midnight and have had doubts ever since. But facts ..................
> after all of you say this sort of thing is rarely a lie.
> 
> She got really pi-ssed at me and didn't make me feel better she just turned it back on me and justified her statement.


WW's don't ask for separations unless they have a replacement to take on a test run.

This EA was a PA. Your gut knows the OM's car was not there at 12 am for them to compare receipes.

WW anger is to get you to back down because you are getting to close to the truth.

Tell your WW that you know in your gut that she is lying and she will have to take a polygraph test. Set the appointment then give her the date.

Then watch her squirm as the date gets closer and she will trickle truth you to get you to cancel the test. Don't cancel.


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

theroad said:


> WW's don't ask for separations unless they have a replacement to take on a test run.
> 
> This EA was a PA. Your gut knows the OM's car was not there at 12 am for them to compare receipes.
> 
> ...


Maybe so and maybe no.

Well...the separation was my doing. I left and she begged me to come back for 7 months. She never flinched as far as wanting me back. 

It's really hard to get a handle on someone's situation when there is always so much more to it. But I get your meaning and I have played it as though it was a PA from the start. I guess I really may never know for sure. Not sure it matters at this point. 

We're doing pretty good. The OM ran away with his tail tucked so he's not a bother but he was for sure sniffing around while i was off duty. Maybe he got some maybe not. Whatever it was its done and never matched me.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

theroad said:


> WW's don't ask for separations unless they have a replacement to take on a test run.


How true! That's the very same mantra layed forth by my STBXW~ and I was just too damn dumb and trusting to have picked up on it before her unilaterally ordered separation ~ when it was just altogether way too late!

Hell, she didn't have just one test run~ She had a pair of them!


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## doc_martin (Oct 19, 2012)

dogman said:


> Maybe so and maybe no.
> 
> Well...the separation was my doing. I left and she begged me to come back for 7 months. She never flinched as far as wanting me back.
> 
> ...


Well, I was out of the house for six months and I was begged to come home the whole time, only to come home and find out that they had been talking the whole time. That was the beginning of the end...

My point would be that if there are still lies in the marriage, what are you basing your reconciliation on? If it doesn't matter that he did or didn't get some, then why does it matter to her? BECAUSE IT DOES MATTER! And you know it. If she came to you and told you that yes, indeed, it had been a PA and not just an EA, I'm pretty sure you would start re-evaluating things. Not just from the standpoint that this changes everything in your mind (having been through her EA and her PA, I'd say the PA is what haunts me more), but that she would still try to reconcile with this huge lie right in your face. Sorry, I'm a big believer of getting at the truth. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have said anything in this post...


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## dogman (Jul 24, 2012)

doc_martin said:


> Well, I was out of the house for six months and I was begged to come home the whole time, only to come home and find out that they had been talking the whole time. That was the beginning of the end...
> 
> My point would be that if there are still lies in the marriage, what are you basing your reconciliation on? If it doesn't matter that he did or didn't get some, then why does it matter to her? BECAUSE IT DOES MATTER! And you know it. If she came to you and told you that yes, indeed, it had been a PA and not just an EA, I'm pretty sure you would start re-evaluating things. Not just from the standpoint that this changes everything in your mind (having been through her EA and her PA, I'd say the PA is what haunts me more), but that she would still try to reconcile with this huge lie right in your face. Sorry, I'm a big believer of getting at the truth. If it didn't matter, you wouldn't have said anything in this post...


Yeah, you are correct. I guess I don't believe I will ever know for sure and if she did something she's taking it to her grave with her.
If I knew a for sure it was yes I would D because of the lies for the past 6 years.
When we got back together I assumed the answer was yes and decided to R anyway, I figured it was my fault. I just thought well I was an A hole so that's what I get. But the lie would be too much.

I have caused this woman so much pain, I can endure some from her.

With that said maybe I'm an idiot but I believe it was a support through divorce relationship and nothing sexual happened. Hopefully. 

Back to the point though, personally I would never and have never insinuated cheating just to hurt my wife. I also would never begin to say it if it wasn't true. 

My wife on the other hand has said many many things with the sole intent to hurt me deeply. If you read my thread you'd know she may be bipolar or BPD. This creates a very explosive situation at times. It's he reason we separated years ago.

Thanks for your input Doc, its much appreciated.


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