# Rejection???



## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

Just wondering,,,

Many times when I approach her to be intimate, she doesn't feel like it... that's gone on for a long time. I am able to initiate once in a while in the morning when im still half asleep. 

She often complains that I never try to initiate but when I try it's rejection or im not doing it right or the right thing...

Sometimes she'll be in the mood and I go and do something wrong (too much rubbing, not enough kissing ect ect) she gets mad and says just do it and get it over with...

So there was a rule put out there that if we do it after 11pm I have to stay home from work the next day because she has a hard time falling asleep for a long time after it.
The other day I was trying to initiate and she really wasn't going any farther. So I eventually stopped, around 1130 she started to kiss me but I thought she just wanted to be kissed so I did, knowing from the RULE that we weren't going to go all the way as I didn't want to stay home in the morning. So I think she picked up on that and stopped and started the cold shoulder said good night and we went to sleep...
Next day I got the guilt trip all day for not wanting her and avoiding her ect ect... she rubbed that in all day. I didn't remind her of the earlier attempt she seemed to have forgotten about...

Is this normal behaviour?? im getting all confused with this stuff. been married 12 yrs you'd think id have it down pat by now>?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

What is this rule?? That is ridiculous. Why do you have to stay home?

My husband sometimes wakes me up at 2 for lovin'. I don't mind. Sometimes I don't remember LOL.

I don't like "rules" about sex...it makes it seem like a chore.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

????????????????????

are you kidding me. you have to stay home if you have sex after 11 the night before..

WOW do you have to do jumping jacks to get supper?

this is just crazy and even more crazy you let it happen.


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

that_girl said:


> What is this rule?? That is ridiculous. Why do you have to stay home?
> 
> My husband sometimes wakes me up at 2 for lovin'. I don't mind. Sometimes I don't remember LOL.
> 
> I don't like "rules" about sex...it makes it seem like a chore.


Reason for that is that she can't get to sleep early enough to get enough rest for the next day ahead so I have to stay home so she can rest. I've given in to that a few times since it was a while since we had sex and I really wanted to but i know I shouldn't have done that because it has set a precedence now...


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> ????????????????????
> 
> are you kidding me. you have to stay home if you have sex after 11 the night before..
> 
> ...


Yeah i know it does sound crazy but beleive me when you're in the moment and its been a little while since the last time you'd probably give in too  maybe not but it's really hard to deal with... makes it hard to deal with though...


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I say I just going to rub one out then have a good night wish it was you but Oh well maybe next time and if things didn't turn around soon I start looking to get out.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

strat_guy said:


> Reason for that is that she can't get to sleep early enough to get enough rest for the next day ahead so I have to stay home so she can rest. I've given in to that a few times since it was a while since we had sex and I really wanted to but i know I shouldn't have done that because it has set a precedence now...


This is absolute crap.

She can nap. COME ON!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> I say I just going to rub one out then have a good night wish it was you but Oh well maybe next time and if things didn't turn around soon I start looking to get out.


For sure. If my husband pulled this, I'd be fired.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Read the "manning up" threads, grasshopper. None of what you mention seems normal to me.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

that_girl said:


> This is absolute crap.
> 
> She can nap. COME ON!


well that actually isn't as easy, forgot to mention we have 4 kids, so napping can only happen when im home... I guess it may make more sense now but still rejecting is causing me to back off and getting frustrated...


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

PBear said:


> Read the "manning up" threads, grasshopper. None of what you mention seems normal to me.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know I need to do that... it's hard to do now that things are set in place... without getting a bad reaction you know


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sometimes, you need to break a few eggs to make an omelet. Being scared of your wife's reaction is NOT going to help with solving this situation. And yes, you've dug yourself a hole by teaching her how to treat you. You'll need to reset expectations, and it might be painful for both of you at times. But your other option is keeping things the same.

Btw, do YOU get a nap at work if you feel tired? Most people don't; they just suck it up. Or have a nap when they get home.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

strat_guy said:


> well that actually isn't as easy, forgot to mention we have 4 kids, so napping can only happen when im home... I guess it may make more sense now but still rejecting is causing me to back off and getting frustrated...


Oh pleeease. She would be ok with a night of lovin' after 11 oclock.

I have two kids PLUS I work full time. Guess what, I was doin' it at 3am this morning and had stayed up to 11. I'm a little tired, but I'm ok


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

i remember getting woken up at 2 am when i had to get up at 5 am to get ready to go to work.. It was never an issue for us.. I liked it.. I was tired the next day, but so worth it. 

maybe once the kids go down for the night, start earlier.


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

PBear said:


> Sometimes, you need to break a few eggs to make an omelet. Being scared of your wife's reaction is NOT going to help with solving this situation. And yes, you've dug yourself a hole by teaching her how to treat you. You'll need to reset expectations, and it might be painful for both of you at times. But your other option is keeping things the same.
> 
> Btw, do YOU get a nap at work if you feel tired? Most people don't; they just suck it up. Or have a nap when they get home.
> 
> ...


Well i don't suppose I do, would be nice once in a while eh 

but really i get your point, I think I need to try and reset this behaviour... I will try to do this as I don't think this is normal...


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Oh pleeease. She would be ok with a night of lovin' after 11 oclock.
> 
> I have two kids PLUS I work full time. Guess what, I was doin' it at 3am this morning and had stayed up to 11. I'm a little tired, but I'm ok


Yeah i agree that it shouldn't be a matter of what time it is but if we get into it we do if not we don't...

I do remember early in our marriage that she was initiating late and I was tired and would tell her I was too tired (not often but it did happen) then she would get upset and I don't blame her!! I quickly corrected that inconsiderate behavior after a few episodes of anger with me 

But since then i've been ready and willing pretty much anytime until these guidlines were built... now it's hard to initiate since I never know when i will be turned around... 

Im beginning to feel bad about talking this way about my wife though, I am going to start thinking about myself in the next little bit as I am sure i have issues I need to talk about as well... stay tuned for that i guess...


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

ladybird said:


> i remember getting woken up at 2 am when i had to get up at 5 am to get ready to go to work.. It was never an issue for us.. I liked it.. I was tired the next day, but so worth it.
> 
> maybe once the kids go down for the night, start earlier.


yes thats a good idea... I will try that and see how it goes. it's not like im deprived or anything but just that it angers me when she nags that I don't want her and don't go after her when the reason I don't do that is because of the rejection...


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## NewlyWedMomy (Sep 10, 2011)

I agree with everyone! LOL! There should be no "Rule". I wish my Hubby would wake me up at like 3am and take it! LOL!!! You should both be able to have that intimate time together without this "cold shoulder" elementry stuff going on!! Sex plays a huge role in a marriage! I wouldn't put up with her crayness about it!


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

strat_guy said:


> yes thats a good idea... I will try that and see how it goes. it's not like im deprived or anything but just that it angers me when she nags that I don't want her and don't go after her when the reason I don't do that is because of the rejection...


When your wife nags at you, you should pay attention. She is trying to tell you something. She is telling you that she wants to be attracted to you and have sex with you, but you are not doing the things that attract her to you.

Go and start reading through these threads: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Go and start looking at some of these books: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/10676-man-up-books.html

See if any of that resonates with you.

God Bless.


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

NewlyWedMomy said:


> I agree with everyone! LOL! There should be no "Rule". I wish my Hubby would wake me up at like 3am and take it! LOL!!! You should both be able to have that intimate time together without this "cold shoulder" elementry stuff going on!! Sex plays a huge role in a marriage! I wouldn't put up with her crayness about it!


Agreed I think what I will do for now is make sure im not putting any rules in at all... then if there are issues I will address the ones she has somehow... I want to make sure I'm not contributing to the problem at all first...


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> When your wife nags at you, you should pay attention. She is trying to tell you something. She is telling you that she wants to be attracted to you and have sex with you, but you are not doing the things that attract her to you.
> 
> Go and start reading through these threads: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html
> 
> ...


Thanks for this info!! I am going through this material right now...
I realize that when there is nagging it means something and I usually try to question to find out why she feels that way ect but by then she's usually mad and just gets defensive or shuts down... it's wierd I can't just ask her how she feels without her feeling the need to be defensive.. I probably do the same sometimes too i guess but that's something we need to work on I think, being able to talk and question without getting mad.


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## Wonder66 (Jan 21, 2011)

that_girl said:


> My husband sometimes wakes me up at 2 for lovin'. I don't mind. Sometimes I don't remember LOL.
> 
> .


mhhh, you dont remember ?, are you asleep during that time?

What if a woman is not a morning person , how can you deal with morning sex (from 2 to 5)?


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

Wonder66 said:


> mhhh, you dont remember ?, are you asleep during that time?
> 
> What if a woman is not a morning person , how can you deal with morning sex (from 2 to 5)?


Well my wife isn't really a morning person but on the odd weekend morning are the times I have the most success at initiating,, im still half asleep and don't have my guard up and will persist a little more than other times  I wouldn't date wake her from 2 - 5 but when we start to wake up is the best around 7 - 9 or so... depending on what the kids are up to if they're awake.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Wonder66 said:


> mhhh, you dont remember ?, are you asleep during that time?
> 
> What if a woman is not a morning person , how can you deal with morning sex (from 2 to 5)?


Yea, I'm asleep. He'll wake me up and I'll remember that, but I won't remember the whole thing lollll and that's ok.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

strat_guy said:


> Well my wife isn't really a morning person but on the odd weekend morning are the times I have the most success at initiating,, im still half asleep and don't have my guard up and will persist a little more than other times  I wouldn't date wake her from 2 - 5 but when we start to wake up is the best around 7 - 9 or so... depending on what the kids are up to if they're awake.


We have sex when the kids are home...and awake. 

We lock the door and make sure they are occupied. :smthumbup:


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## strat_guy (Sep 16, 2011)

that_girl said:


> We have sex when the kids are home...and awake.
> 
> We lock the door and make sure they are occupied. :smthumbup:


Guilty as well hi hi not often but it's been done


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

strat_guy said:


> Guilty as well hi hi not often but it's been done


We crack up when one of them comes to knock on the door. It's like we're getting caught by our parents.


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## Wonder66 (Jan 21, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Yea, I'm asleep. He'll wake me up and I'll remember that, but I won't remember the whole thing lollll and that's ok.


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