# Does your spouse...



## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

...ever make an effort to be sexy? I'm not asking if you find your wife/husband sexy or if your spouse is physically attractive. I'm not asking if you find your spouse sexy because of that cute little thing the he/she does. 
I'm asking if your spouse ever makes a concious decision to do something to be sexy. Do they intentionally behave a certain way (in or out of the bedroom)? Do they wear certain clothing or fashion styles (revealing or form fitting clothes, heels, etc)? And I'm not talking about all of the time. Whether its just once in a while or all of the time, I'm just wondering if there are spouses that want to work on "being sexy".


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

I have tried, but go totally unnoticed...after 18 years I am trying so damn hard...but he is obliviously "comfortable" as he puts it...I have not been told I look nice, sexy, any sort of compliment in YEARS....unless I ask, which I don't anymore....I literally have no idea what to do...so I do my own thing....and am frightened...but he claims he loves me, and I should "just know" after 18 years...ugh.....


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> I have tried, but go totally unnoticed...after 18 years I am trying so damn hard...but he is obliviously "comfortable" as he puts it...I have not been told I look nice, sexy, any sort of compliment in YEARS....unless I ask, which I don't anymore....I literally have no idea what to do...so I do my own thing....and am frightened...but he claims he loves me, and I should "just know" after 18 years...ugh.....


So what are the sort of things that you have tried? And why are you trying? I'm not trying to be funny and it is not a trick question. I am genuinely curious. Are you trying to get him more interested in you sexually? Is it because you want to feel better and more confident about yourself?


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

My wife knows exactly what to wear to show off her sexiest assets  she would always wear skirts to show off her legs and open toed shoes to show off her sexy feet!! I've shared a few pictures of these on numerous times threads already


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Omgitsjoe said:


> My wife knows exactly what to wear to show off her sexiest assets  she would always wear skirts to show off her legs and open toed shoes to show off her sexy feet!! I've shared a few pictures of these on numerous times threads already


So your wife definitely makes an effort. Does she do this because she knows you like it or is it something that just comes naturally to her?


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## notperfectanymore (Mar 1, 2012)

Trying to spice things up a bit. We have had a rough couple of years due to some family stuff....trying to up my confidence (it was destroyed last year) and also to interest him...tight fitting clothing 2home, I dress up for work everyday and come home like that...when I change, I change into "cute" comfortable clothes instead of my standard sweats & t-shirt. I bought a couple of thongs (HATE THEM!) they didn't last long...he wasn't interested...ain't givin myself a freakin wedgie if he ain't into it...

There is ZERO passion...and I NEED to get that back....this place helps alot, but he refuses to read anything, make any real changes, because "after 18 years it's all good"


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> Trying to spice things up a bit. We have had a rough couple of years due to some family stuff....trying to up my confidence (it was destroyed last year) and also to interest him...tight fitting clothing 2home, I dress up for work everyday and come home like that...when I change, I change into "cute" comfortable clothes instead of my standard sweats & t-shirt. I bought a couple of thongs (HATE THEM!) they didn't last long...he wasn't interested...ain't givin myself a freakin wedgie if he ain't into it...
> 
> There is ZERO passion...and I NEED to get that back....this place helps alot, but he refuses to read anything, make any real changes, because "after 18 years it's all good"


Good for you! You are at least trying. I'm sorry that your husband is not terribly responsive to you. Its sad when an effort goes unnoticed. It seems that he has become complacent and has a comfort level with the way things are in the relationship and is unwilling to change. He doesn't see the need to change. If my wife were to make the same types of effort (wearing thongs, etc), believe me I would notice. She actually promised to do so and even bought one from VS about 2-3 months ago, but she has never worn it. sigh.


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## Omgitsjoe (Oct 1, 2012)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> So your wife definitely makes an effort. Does she do this because she knows you like it or is it something that just comes naturally to her?


I truely believe it's both. She wants to make me happy and proud of her but then again she also does it becuse she of course wants to look nice ....... not only for me or for others who will see her but first and foremost for her self 

Its a win , win situation !!!


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Omgitsjoe said:


> I truely believe it's both. She wants to make me happy and proud of her but then again she also does it becuse she of course wants to look nice ....... not only for me or for others who will see her but first and foremost for her self
> 
> Its a win , win situation !!!


BRAVO! Its always good when things come together like that.


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## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

I have always been a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl, but I do make an effort to dress up as often as possible before he gets home from work. (The job I work at isn't really a place to wear dressy clothes, as I am only around mechanics and truck drivers all day) So I tend to get off work and I'll shower and do my hair and makeup and put on one of the outfits I know he likes, like a dress or skirt. When I first started doing this he walked in and said, "wow! you look nice. What are you all dressed up for?" I simply told him, "To hear you say that, I haven't heard it for a long time." I think that got to him, because even if I wasn't trying to impress him, the compliments came alot more often after that. 
Him on the other hand, I can't say he really goes out of his way to do anything, but then he knows that I find everything he does sexy. (well _ALMOST_ everything, lol)


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## bbr (Jul 25, 2012)

My wife definitely does. She "grooms" herself for my pleasure, not how she'd choose to on her own. I've noticed if I compliment a certain outfit, it will get into the rotation more regularly. She used to wear nice looking yoga pants around the house for comfort. She then started wearing sweats a lot. One day the yoga pants came out and I told her how much sexier she looks in those vs. the sweats. Haven't seen the sweats since!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

CO_MOM said:


> I have always been a t-shirt and jeans kind of girl, but I do make an effort to dress up as often as possible before he gets home from work. (The job I work at isn't really a place to wear dressy clothes, as I am only around mechanics and truck drivers all day) So I tend to get off work and I'll shower and do my hair and makeup and put on one of the outfits I know he likes, like a dress or skirt. When I first started doing this he walked in and said, "wow! you look nice. What are you all dressed up for?" I simply told him, "To hear you say that, I haven't heard it for a long time." I think that got to him, because even if I wasn't trying to impress him, the compliments came alot more often after that.
> Him on the other hand, I can't say he really goes out of his way to do anything, but then he knows that I find everything he does sexy. (well _ALMOST_ everything, lol)


That's awesome to hear that you put in the effort. I'll ask you the same question as the others...why do you put in the effort? Is it just to hear his appreciative comments or do you do it for yourself as well?


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

bbr said:


> My wife definitely does. She "grooms" herself for my pleasure, not how she'd choose to on her own. I've noticed if I compliment a certain outfit, it will get into the rotation more regularly. She used to wear nice looking yoga pants around the house for comfort. She then started wearing sweats a lot. One day the yoga pants came out and I told her how much sexier she looks in those vs. the sweats. Haven't seen the sweats since!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup: It sounds as though your wife values your approval and seeks to please you. That's great.


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## AsTheStoryGoes (Oct 10, 2012)

I probably don't dress "sexy" enough for my husband..but I do try, just not all the time..like when the occasion calls for it. I've always dressed casual and comfortable by default (without looking sloppy haha). But yeah..my husband probably wishes I made more of an effort to show off more skin. He can never keep his hands off of me. I do plan to start making more of an effort though.


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## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

Both reasons. If I think I look nice, then I feel much more confident. But when he tells me that he thinks I look nice, it is a much greater feeling. I just love to please him and see the look on his face too, when he realizes that I have worked all day, dealt with the kids, house and dinner, but still have the energy to put forth to get his attention.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

CO_MOM said:


> Both reasons. If I think I look nice, then I feel much more confident. But when he tells me that he thinks I look nice, it is a much greater feeling. I just love to please him and see the look on his face too, when he realizes that I have worked all day, dealt with the kids, house and dinner, but still have the energy to put forth to get his attention.


:smnotworthy::smthumbup:


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

bbr said:


> My wife definitely does. She "grooms" herself for my pleasure, not how she'd choose to on her own. *I've noticed if I compliment a certain outfit, it will get into the rotation more regularly.* She used to wear nice looking yoga pants around the house for comfort. She then started wearing sweats a lot. One day the yoga pants came out and I told her how much sexier she looks in those vs. the sweats. Haven't seen the sweats since!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I do this  There are certain outfits that he always tells me how sexy I look in so yes they are worn more often. 

After a LTR where there were very few comments I simply lost my sexy and TBH for my age I am a reasonably shapely woman. Now in my current relationship he compliments me a lot, the sexy has come back full force. 
When I shop for clothing I put more thought into it, what will look good on me, what I think he would find sexy on me.

It's a win/win, I really enjoy looking my best, I thrive on the reaction he gives me and I know he is happy with the visual.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> ...ever make an effort to be sexy? I'm not asking if you find your wife/husband sexy or if your spouse is physically attractive. I'm not asking if you find your spouse sexy because of that cute little thing the he/she does.
> I'm asking if your spouse ever makes a concious decision to do something to be sexy. Do they intentionally behave a certain way (in or out of the bedroom)? Do they wear certain clothing or fashion styles (revealing or form fitting clothes, heels, etc)? And I'm not talking about all of the time. Whether its just once in a while or all of the time, I'm just wondering if there are spouses that want to work on "being sexy".


I'm not sure if you are the same person, but I think you are the one who has been trying to get your wife to dress more sexy for a long time(?). 

I typically just wear comfortable clothes and won't show off too much skin, as it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I have always dressed conservatively and believe that a woman's boobs belong inside her shirt, not hanging out. lol. I do wear some clothes that will show off my figure(tight clothing) and I do that mostly just to please my husband. I like hearing my husband compliment the way that I look and love that he respects my feelings on the way I dress. I refuse to wear thongs and he does not push me to do so. When we go out for date night, both of us will dress up for one another. I love seeing my husband in a good pair of jeans and a nice shirt.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

When my hubby 'tuned out', I threw myself into making myself more attractive. I put the fork down and went to the gym and dropped the weight I had gained, bought all new pretty underwear, bras, lingerie and clothing. Invested in some amazing shoes - stiletto heels. Made sure hair and makeup were updated. 

It just makes me feel good to do this. I know he's proud of how I look and most importantly, it really picked up my self esteem in the process.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

TCSRedhead said:


> When my hubby 'tuned out', I threw myself into making myself more attractive. I put the fork down and went to the gym and dropped the weight I had gained, bought all new pretty underwear, bras, lingerie and clothing. *Invested in some amazing shoes - stiletto heels*. Made sure hair and makeup were updated.
> 
> It just makes me feel good to do this. I know he's proud of how I look and most importantly, it really picked up my self esteem in the process.


Best money a woman can spend :smthumbup:


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## StStephen65 (Dec 13, 2011)

Not at all, unless you count the sweater without the holes in it. She wore lingerie on our wedding night. Then barfed and passed out. She buys a seasonal uniform. One or two dresses, blacks, grays, and they are worn to all functions. If we arent going out anywhere there is no effort. Earlier this year we hosted a party. She was wearing a skirt and heels. She rarely wears heels. I commented that she looked "effen hot..." Five minutes later, I turn around and the heels are gone. She has flipflops on.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

StStephen65 said:


> Not at all, unless you count the sweater without the holes in it. She wore lingerie on our wedding night. Then barfed and passed out. She buys a seasonal uniform. One or two dresses, blacks, grays, and they are worn to all functions. If we arent going out anywhere there is no effort. Earlier this year we hosted a party. She was wearing a skirt and heels. She rarely wears heels. I commented that she looked "effen hot..." Five minutes later, I turn around and the heels are gone. She has flipflops on.


Maybe it's in the way you approach and talk to your wife? If my husband called my "effen hot..", I would just look the other way. I would much rather my husband call me beautiful, gorgeous, etc.


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## StStephen65 (Dec 13, 2011)

Anonymous07 said:


> Maybe it's in the way you approach and talk to your wife? If my husband called my "effen hot..", I would just look the other way. I would much rather my husband call me beautiful, gorgeous, etc.


Been there done that! I have always said those things, from "my dont you look lovely..." to "you look effen hot...". They are, however, becoming harder and harder to say with any real meaning in them. But trust me, over the years I have said them all!


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I think wanting to appear sexy is in the mind, to begin with.

I suffer from depression and when I am down, my appearance suffers. I don't feel sexy no matter what I am wearing or doing. I don't have desire to be noticed, in fact I would rather shrink into the floor and go unseen and I know my appearance reflects that.

When I am feeling more normal, yes I put effort into my appearance and wanting to be attractive - both because it makes me feel good and it gets his attention. I have a corporate job and wear nice clothes to work. 80% of ny wardrobe is work attire. Some of it I will mix into weekend attire if there is a certain piece that I know H likes.

One thing that motivates me to dress sexy or put a bit of extra effort into it is if its date night, and H makes a point to pick somewhere special to go. A fancy restaurant, an upscale part of town, a ritzy bar - he knows I will dress to the nines for those things. Maybe try that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Anonymous07 said:


> I'm not sure if you are the same person, but I think you are the one who has been trying to get your wife to dress more sexy for a long time(?).


I probably am the one you are thinking of. BUT, I am not necessarily trying to get her to show "more skin". I'm just looking for some sort of effort in the sexy department.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

kag123 said:


> Some of it I will mix into weekend attire if there is a certain piece that I know H likes.


This is what I am looking for.




kag123 said:


> One thing that motivates me to dress sexy or put a bit of extra effort into it is if its date night, and H makes a point to pick somewhere special to go. A fancy restaurant, an upscale part of town, a ritzy bar - he knows I will dress to the nines for those things. Maybe try that?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Done this. And for what its worth, it does work...when it happens. Unfortunately, those opportunities come along far too infrequently.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

I thought of something else that motivates me...

Every so often when I am shopping, H tags along. He hates shopping, esp for clothes, so going along and shoeing an active interest (not face stuffed into the phone or complaining loudly), I am excited that he's actually interested for once. He does this thing sometimes where he picks up something bold off a rack and says "man, I would really love to see this on you.." or "you would kill it in this dress.." I always oblige him and try it on at that point. If I try it on and he's drooling...I will buy it, hands down, even if I never would have touched it myself had he not been there.

He does the same thing..there are certain things that I think make him look sexy and he will oblige me and wear them cause he knows I like it.

Sometimes we make a game out of it. I get to pick a couple things for him and he picks for me.

Oh yea and one time he encouraged me to go into a very expensive makeup store and get a trial makeup sessiondone. I had never done it before because H is kind of a tightwad with money and that shiz is expensive. All my makeup came from walmart before that day. He was so impressed with the trial that he allowed me to biy $200 worth of high end cosmetics. I was so happy that he gave me that gift (took the guilt away) that I now wear it regularly.

Would your wife go for that?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

kag123 said:


> I thought of something else that motivates me...
> 
> Every so often when I am shopping, H tags along. He hates shopping, esp for clothes, so going along and shoeing an active interest (not face stuffed into the phone or complaining loudly), I am excited that he's actually interested for once. He does this thing sometimes where he picks up something bold off a rack and says "man, I would really love to see this on you.." or "you would kill it in this dress.." I always oblige him and try it on at that point. If I try it on and he's drooling...I will buy it, hands down, even if I never would have touched it myself had he not been there.
> 
> ...


I am very much not your "typical" husband when it comes to this scenario (shopping, spending money on fashion etc). I actually enjoy going shopping with my wife. While I am not really in a financial position to do so, I would have no problem spending money on her in this regard. I, too, have asked my wife to try on certain things that she might not ordinarily gravitate to. Nothing crazy. But even when I make the same comments as your husband *"you would kill it in this dress.."*, she rarely goes along with it and tries it on, much less actually buy and wear it no matter what my feelings are. I must say that in the past year or so, she has gotten _a little better._ However, on the occasion that she actually does purchase something I like, I may see it once and then never again. She has a couple of items from several years ago (very cute dresses and tops) that still have the tags on them sitting in her closet. 
At this point, it has nothing to do with the actual clothes themselves. I just can't figure out why something like this seems to be such a big deal. To me, this is one of those things that if there were _just a little_ cooperation earlier on, then I wouldn't feel so frustrated with it. Just a little effort and follow through here and there would go a long way. Case in point: this past summer, it got pretty hot where I live (mid-Atlantic U.S.) sometimes hitting the upper 90'sF. One Saturday, we went out wasting some time by shopping and lo and behold, she actually found several dresses and bought them. She got crazy good deals on them. She got like 4 dresses for a total of $50. Of the four, three of them were more for work and one was more for casual (this was the flirtiest). I have only seen 2 of the three for work (once each) and the casual one that is the flirtiest (not raunchy at all) still has the tags on it and with winter approaching, it is definitely not something she will be wearing anytime soon. My guess is that it will end up being given to Good Will before she wears it.
The reason why I started this thread and why I have been asking a lot of follow up questions is really to try and look at the mindset. When there is effort made by one of the spouses, what is the reason? Is it to please the other spouse or is it for your own self confidence. So far it seems to be a mix.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Does shaking his wang yelling "woo-woo!" count? No? Then the answer is no. But I still love him anyway...


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Does shaking his wang yelling "woo-woo!" count? No? Then the answer is no. But I still love him anyway...


:rofl:


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

notperfectanymore said:


> Trying to spice things up a bit. We have had a rough couple of years due to some family stuff....trying to up my confidence (it was destroyed last year) and also to interest him...tight fitting clothing 2home, I dress up for work everyday and come home like that...when I change, I change into "cute" comfortable clothes instead of my standard sweats & t-shirt. I bought a couple of thongs (HATE THEM!) they didn't last long...he wasn't interested...ain't givin myself a freakin wedgie if he ain't into it...
> 
> There is ZERO passion...and I NEED to get that back....this place helps alot, but he refuses to read anything, make any real changes, because "after 18 years it's all good"


Sounds like my husband. I even bought him NMMNG, but he is not interested in that either. I have tried talking as well, but he just withdraws emotionally. 
Women dont guess what their husbands/partners are thinking. And yes, we need to be reminded, from time to time, that we are still loved, needed and desired!


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yes he does. When we do have time together... he always manages to do something to sweep me off my feet. I just wish it happened more often.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> ...ever make an effort to be sexy? I'm not asking if you find your wife/husband sexy or if your spouse is physically attractive. I'm not asking if you find your spouse sexy because of that cute little thing the he/she does.
> I'm asking if your spouse ever makes a concious decision to do something to be sexy. Do they intentionally behave a certain way (in or out of the bedroom)? Do they wear certain clothing or fashion styles (revealing or form fitting clothes, heels, etc)? And I'm not talking about all of the time. Whether its just once in a while or all of the time, I'm just wondering if there are spouses that want to work on "being sexy".


Sometimes my husband does. He'll sometimes surprise me by coming downstairs (of course the kids are away) with a playboy bunny outfit on in fishnet stockings and 8 inch heels. I just roll my eyes and tell him I'm not into that sorta thing and go back to watching Vampire Diaries. 

:rofl:


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

DayDream said:


> Sometimes my husband does. He'll sometimes surprise me by coming downstairs (of course the kids are away) with a playboy bunny outfit on in fishnet stockings and 8 inch heels. I just roll my eyes and tell him I'm not into that sorta thing and go back to watching Vampire Diaries.
> 
> :rofl:


..........
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## raka (Jul 16, 2012)

NEVER!!! Im lucky if he brushes his hair. He let himself go and blames me because i ate bad food, now that i've lost 40lb and try to encourage him he wont have any of it. 

He usually asks for sex in a whiny voice, if i decline he gets moody until i give it too him. If i get moody during sex i get a whole day of moodiness out of him.

I told him i would be more turned on if he was more passionate/sensual about it. he listened but it didnt click, he just kept repeating the same, want to have sex????. I hate having sex, its never fun/ always about him. 5-10 minutes every other day of me having to pretend i like it. :/


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

raka said:


> NEVER!!! Im lucky if he brushes his hair. He let himself go and blames me because i ate bad food, now that i've lost 40lb and try to encourage him he wont have any of it.
> 
> He usually asks for sex in a whiny voice, if i decline he gets moody until i give it too him. If i get moody during sex i get a whole day of moodiness out of him.
> 
> I told him i would be more turned on if he was more passionate/sensual about it. he listened but it didnt click, he just kept repeating the same, want to have sex????. I hate having sex, its never fun/ always about him. 5-10 minutes every other day of me having to pretend i like it. :/



Why do you pretend? Why should he change if he thinks he's doing everything right and you are enjoying it?
If you don't advocate for yourself, for wishes and your needs, no one will.
Again, spouses/partners don't read minds.


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## raka (Jul 16, 2012)

Memento said:


> Why do you pretend? Why should he change if he thinks he's doing everything right and you are enjoying it?
> If you don't advocate for yourself, for wishes and your needs, no one will.
> Again, spouses/partners don't read minds.


I've told him, he just doesnt listen. I tell him i like being rubbed all over, kissed alot and go into all my fantasies with him. He tries it the day of and then never does it again. He gets frustrated because i take so long and he doesnt. So the party always ends early and im left with nothing. If i do ask for something extra after he's already gone i get the moddy side, those sighs of why am i doing this, im bored look, resting one hand on his chin/head. he puts no effort into it after he's gone. Once i notice he's obviously not trying i just tell him that im not in the mood anymore or something of the sort because it kills it. 

I am all mind, if something (like his mood) sets me off i no longer enjoy any of it. He expects me to just magically change and get off in 5 minutes like he does -_-

Oh and he rubs it in and tells his friend that im difficult and how he wishes he had a gf like he did who got off to just him F'ing her. Im sorry im not built that way :/


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

raka said:


> I've told him, he just doesnt listen. I tell him i like being rubbed all over, kissed alot and go into all my fantasies with him. He tries it the day of and then never does it again. He gets frustrated because i take so long and he doesnt. So the party always ends early and im left with nothing. If i do ask for something extra after he's already gone i get the moddy side, those sighs of why am i doing this, im bored look, resting one hand on his chin/head. he puts no effort into it after he's gone. Once i notice he's obviously not trying i just tell him that im not in the mood anymore or something of the sort because it kills it.
> 
> I am all mind, if something (like his mood) sets me off i no longer enjoy any of it. He expects me to just magically change and get off in 5 minutes like he does -_-


Don't have sex till he is committed in to changing! You deserve to have a fulfilling sex life!!!


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## raka (Jul 16, 2012)

Memento said:


> Don't have sex till he is committed in to changing! You deserve to have a fulfilling sex life!!!


If i dont put out he gets moody. Starts the your dumb/stupid/retarded talk

I cant make out with him/ kiss more then 3 times without him getting instantly turned on. He says i tease him and gets more moody. He is ruled by the C*k


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

raka said:


> If i dont put out he gets moody. Starts the your dumb/stupid/retarded talk
> 
> I cant make out with him/ kiss more then 3 times without him getting instantly turned on. He says i tease him and gets more moody. He is ruled by the C*k


Why do you tolerate this behavior? Why are his needs more important than yours?? 
Put yourself first and foremost and dont take BS from him. You are in a relationship together. You are not his doormat/sexual object. You are a person with feelings and needs.


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

raka said:


> If i dont put out he gets moody. *Starts the your dumb/stupid/retarded talk*


issed:NOT COOL! There is no reason for this type of behavior. He sounds like a selfish, self-centered, childish and immature brat. 
This is not a situation that will magically take care of itself. If you don't do something now (I recommend counseling), then it will only get worse.


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## raka (Jul 16, 2012)

Memento said:


> Why do you tolerate this behavior? Why are his needs more important than yours??
> Put yourself first and foremost and dont take BS from him. You are in a relationship together. You are not his doormat/sexual object. You are a person with feelings and needs.



I have for 5 years but coming up this feb im moving back to my old town and he is probably moving back in with his mom or grandparents. 

I have had points where i didnt get to come for MONTHS im talking like getting up to a year status, yet he was getting to go every other day. A few times(maybe like 3?) i touched myself and he got to talking like he was going to break up with me and how much i hurt him. I told him i wouldnt do it anymore but i needed some relief. He listened for maybe a few days? after that, he hid all the toys he bought me, and declined me to do that. .-. 

Now he also touches himself even though i told him i didnt like it(right now he's done it alot and even lied then admitted a few seconds later*i've had some woman monthly issues where i cant please him*). I'd rather he would do it with me but not just do the deed, i'd rather he spend time with me working on us both together instead of the usually im done, are you done?


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

raka said:


> I have for 5 years but coming up this feb im moving back to my old town and he is probably moving back in with his mom or grandparents.
> 
> I have had points where i didnt get to come for MONTHS im talking like getting up to a year status, yet he was getting to go every other day. A few times(maybe like 3?) i touched myself and he got to talking like he was going to break up with me and how much i hurt him. I told him i wouldnt do it anymore but i needed some relief. He listened for maybe a few days? after that, he hid all the toys he bought me, and declined me to do that. .-.
> 
> Now he also touches himself even though i told him i didnt like it(right now he's done it alot and even lied then admitted a few seconds later*i've had some woman monthly issues where i cant please him*). I'd rather he would do it with me but not just do the deed, i'd rather he spend time with me working on us both together instead of the usually im done, are you done?


You need to do something differently. Being passive about this won't get you anywhere. 
Take the bull by the horns and have an important talk with him. And be assertive! Don't be afraid! Make yourself be heard ad respected! Your needs and wants are as important as his. If he doesn't understand that, he shouldn't be in a relationship.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes. But really it comes naturally. He hasn't changed this way since we started dating 13 years ago.

For a while I was just staying in my pj's all day and not caring what clothes I wore. I was going through a lot health wise as well. I now make an effort to get dressed. I'd use to just take a shower and put new pj's on. However, I rarely wear makeup. I need to replace all of my old makeup for new, which is not cheap.:/. I've always worked hard keeping my hair nice, exercising and eating healthy. 

I do think both people should take an effort into how they look for each other.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I try to stay sexy by wearing pretty undies - they always match and usually go with what I'm wearing on the outside. Weird quirk of mine. I wear pretty nightgowns to bed... only to have BF tell me he prefers me in Tshirts. But I still like pretty stuff and sometimes wear them just for me when I'm alone.

On the weekends I try to look nice even just to be around the house unless I'm doing grungy yard work. But just for house cleaning and errands I still go to the effort to not look sloppy and put on a touch of makeup and a little something nice with the hair even if it's just a headband or clip.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

My husband seems to get turned on by those one piece pajama outfits...you know the ones I'm talking about? The ones with legs (but not feet) that button up the middle? Weird.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

DayDream said:


> My husband seems to get turned on by those one piece pajama outfits...you know the ones I'm talking about? The ones with legs (but not feet) that button up the middle? Weird.


Lol.... wow
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

DayDream said:


> My husband seems to get turned on by those one piece pajama outfits...you know the ones I'm talking about? The ones with legs (but not feet) that button up the middle? Weird.


:scratchhead:Ummm......ok.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Zatol Ugot? said:


> :scratchhead:Ummm......ok.


LOL I know, right? I think it has something to do with being all covered up...and gets his imagination going about my naked body being in there somewhere. I know. Like I said, Weird...


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Mine gets turned on when I wear super femenine, revealing, lacey stuff, have nails painted, wear high heels... that sort of thing.. I mean he gets turned on regardless but those things get him super turned on lol. I think if I wore something like what you described... he would think I went nuts or something lmao
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

When he does heavy manscaping I know he's trying. He's rather hairy, and I prefer less hairy in the areas that count. So he does the Michael Phelps and gets rid of it for me. 

I do the same for him. He prefers hardwood floors (and now so do I) so that's always done. Sometimes I'll put on a cutsie slinky thing and prance around or lay on the furniture casually. It's like a little peep show for him and he loves it. 

Here's something strange that I find sexy with him, the backward baseball cap. He came in one night from work (he's a detective) and had on an under armour shirt and cargo pants with his hat to the back and OMG. I was mesmerized by all the fine. lol


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Lol a bit much! Daydream... thanks to your one post... I'm gonna ask gate to wear a playboy bunny outfit with fishnet stockings... *snickers* (Of course I already know his answe will be a weird look and a hell mofo no....)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

DayDream said:


> My husband seems to get turned on by those one piece pajama outfits...you know the ones I'm talking about? The ones with legs (but not feet) that button up the middle? Weird.


thats not weird @ all for a couple reasons:

1- it's like opening a present

2- it leaves room a challenge. i.e. maybe she's not in the mood now, but I'll get her in the mood :smthumbup:


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Mine gets turned on when I wear super femenine, revealing, lacey stuff, have nails painted, wear high heels... that sort of thing.. _Posted via Mobile Device_


:smthumbup::smthumbup::iagree:


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## brps (Apr 17, 2013)

Hi everyone.
Im male and im 22 years old. Im not married. But i am engaged. Iv been with my partner for nearly 3 n ahalf years now. We have a 17month old son aswell. Our relationships like many we have our good times and our bad. But for the last 8 months iv been getting sex alot less than id like. Its down to once a week now and im feeling frustraited and a little confused as to why she doesnt want to sleep together. It always comes to the bedroom at night and.she just says shes just want to come to bed to cuddle and sleep. But in the mornings she doesnt want.to do it either. Same with during the day if im home. I dont no how it come to this. When we firsr got together she couldnt keep her hands off me. Now she just rolls over. And i dont no how long i can put up with this rejection. Im young and fit and i am a young atrractive man. I love my little family to much to leave over sex. But i have a really high sex.drive and.need sex. And cheating isnt an option for.me. . We did have a 5 week brake up 6 months ago. N she slept with a few ppl.could that have something to do with it??please iis there any advice or help that someone can give me. Im feeling lost n confused...


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

brps said:


> Hi everyone.
> Im male and im 22 years old. Im not married. But i am engaged. Iv been with my partner for nearly 3 n ahalf years now. We have a 17month old son aswell. Our relationships like many we have our good times and our bad. But for the last 8 months iv been getting sex alot less than id like. Its down to once a week now and im feeling frustraited and a little confused as to why she doesnt want to sleep together. It always comes to the bedroom at night and.she just says shes just want to come to bed to cuddle and sleep. But in the mornings she doesnt want.to do it either. Same with during the day if im home. I dont no how it come to this. When we firsr got together she couldnt keep her hands off me. Now she just rolls over. And i dont no how long i can put up with this rejection. Im young and fit and i am a young atrractive man. I love my little family to much to leave over sex. But i have a really high sex.drive and.need sex. And cheating isnt an option for.me. . We did have a 5 week brake up 6 months ago. N she slept with a few ppl.could that have something to do with it??please iis there any advice or help that someone can give me. Im feeling lost n confused...


Maybe you should start a new thread, so that you can have 100% attention on your issue.
Or you could send a message to one the moderators to move your post to a new thread.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

brps said:


> We did have a 5 week brake up 6 months ago. N she slept with a few ppl.could that have something to do with it??please iis there any advice or help that someone can give me. Im feeling lost n confused...


In 5 weeks, she slept with a few people? And yet, she hardly has any sex with you. Yes, something is def going on. 
Regardless, you are both extremely young. Perhaps she feels she is missing out on having fun and partying, instead of settling down and having a family.


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