# DDay is here



## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Today is my final court hearing on the dissolution of my marriage. As the week leading up to it has progressed I have run the gamut of emotions. Early in the week I was still thinking of begging her to reconsider. I wanted to ask her one last time to think about what she was about to do. I played out the scenario in my head -
If she said no - I wanted to give it to her with both barrels right in the face. Really tell her how badly she had hurt me, why she is nothing more than a quitter, the damage she has done to my family etc, etc
I never really stopped to consider what I would do if she said yes.
In retrospect it would takes months of counseling and work to regain the trust. SHE would be the one needing to prove herself.

I finally decided against this. If she s willing to make changes, she will ask me. Again, at this point, I don't think it is within the realm of possibility, but the answer would be the same as above.

So now I am left with what's next. At this point my emotions are too raw and the wound is to fresh. I have concluded that my best bet is to simply state that "at this point I do not feel any discussions between she and I would lead to anything productive so at this point we should limit communications to as little as possible. Perhaps at some point in the future I may feel the need to talk to her. When or if that times comes, I will a call her. Good bye, have a safe trip home" And then turn and walk away.

The truth is that she has hurt me beyond my ability to describe. I am feeling anger, hurt, resentment, pain, abandonment and a whole host of other emotions. Anything I may say, agree to, or react to will be the result of on or more or all of the above. So why bother talking about anything at this point?
Wish me luck or better yet wish me strength!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

luck and strength


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

My prayers are with you, Pluto! If you don't mind me asking, What seemed to be the circumstances that led to the marriages actual demise?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Sorry! Make that Ynot!


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## toonaive (Dec 13, 2012)

See this day through. Do not beg her for anything. She must be the one who wants you back. After divorce. Start fresh, work on a new you.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Ynot said:


> Today is my final court hearing on the dissolution of my marriage. As the week leading up to it has progressed I have run the gamut of emotions. Early in the week I was still thinking of begging her to reconsider. I wanted to ask her one last time to think about what she was about to do. I played out the scenario in my head -
> If she said no - I wanted to give it to her with both barrels right in the face. Really tell her how badly she had hurt me, why she is nothing more than a quitter, the damage she has done to my family etc, etc


Wise move to let it go. You dont want her final impression of you at the end to be that you are pathetic and weak. You want her to see you strong and doing well, that is the best revenge. Show her you dont need her. (because you DONT!) 

Best of luck today, you will do great.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

arbitrator said:


> Sorry! Make that Ynot!


yeah screw Pluto!


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> Sorry! Make that Ynot!


Basically she just quit on a 24 year marriage. She claims that she tried everything to make me happy. But I can't recall whenever she asked me what would make happy that she would even have a clue what to try. She can't tell me about the times she reached out to family or friends, She can't tell me about the time we had a discussion (not an argument) she can't tell me about ever suggesting counseling. She basically just quit because she, the almighty, all knowing decided that she was the final arbiter of my life. Now she harbors some illusion that we (the family) should just "embrace the change" and we can still be friends and have a happy family dinner for the holidays. Well that idea got shot down and so will the rest of her fantasy. I tried to get us into counseling, she decided after one session that it wouldn't work. She decided we needed to dissolve the marriage. She decided everything and refused to listen to anyone. She claims everyone understands, but everyone has expressed shock and I have yet to meet a single person who understands it.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Dday went pretty much as expected. I did NOT ask her to reconsider. We had to wait in the lobby for 20 minutes. She tried to engage in small talk. I mainly listened. At one point she asked me if I was still doing counseling. I couldn't resist the opportunity and suggested that she was the one who really needed counseling She said she didn't. I just said "just keep telling yourself that, along with all the other lies you have told yourself". She said she hadn't lied to herself. I said if you say so. Of course you will never know as long as you have you the crowd of validators you have surrounded yourself with. She said they weren't validators. I said just keep telling yourself that. After the hearing she couldn't face me. I walked out to my car and she stopped me to say she was sorry. I told her I didn't believe her. She said she wanted to talk. I told her now was not the time and got in my car and drove away. I never showed any emotion.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

To just up and walk out on a 24 year old union for no apparent rational reason , it greatly sounds as if she is her own worst enemy!


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> yeah screw Pluto!


I scoff at the hyper-active turtle:ezpi_wink1:


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Ynot said:


> Dday went pretty much as expected. I did NOT ask her to reconsider. We had to wait in the lobby for 20 minutes. She tried to engage in small talk. I mainly listened. At one point she asked me if I was still doing counseling. I couldn't resist the opportunity and suggested that she was the one who really needed counseling She said she didn't. I just said "just keep telling yourself that, along with all the other lies you have told yourself". She said she hadn't lied to herself. I said if you say so. Of course you will never know as long as you have you the crowd of validators you have surrounded yourself with. She said they weren't validators. I said just keep telling yourself that. After the hearing she couldn't face me. I walked out to my car and she stopped me to say she was sorry. I told her I didn't believe her. She said she wanted to talk. I told her now was not the time and got in my car and drove away. I never showed any emotion.


I think you handled that pretty well. She pushed for the D which you couldn't really stop and she's gotten her wish. How you choose to interact with her from this point on is entirely up to you. Her ability to dictate or control any terms to you officially ended. My advice is to limit your communication to the bare essentials. It sounds like you need more detachment from her to allow more healing. It will happen, but it takes time.


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