# Turning 30, feeling empty and sad and needing advice



## Bel (Nov 6, 2009)

I have a post in the general relationship discussion.... to be posting here is still a bit of a shock.
It's all over I and FINALLY get that after weeks of confusion and mixed signals (including one amazing sexual encounter a few days a go).
He wants to be 'friends'... I can't do that right now but am finding it hard to step back. 
He's always there for me if I need him but I am turning a bit nasty when I speak to him now. He's trying to move on with his life, going out with friends - as I have been for the last week but for him to do be doing it too it makes me sad and angry. I don't want the break-up to be the only memories that we have of each other. We had a good 5 years but the love (from his side) is gone and it's not coming back.

Any ideas of what I should do next? I am getting all the paperwork for the house done - he will sign them but seems to be dragging his feet in looking for somewhere to move to. Just one more thing that confuses me.

Has anyone managed to have a 'graceful' break up and further more been able to be friends in the long run?:scratchhead:


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

Best wishes, Bel. I have no advice to give, but will be watching this thread in case I need it.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Bel,

Not the update I was hoping to hear. I hope you are hanging on ok...it will get better for you, I promise 

It's normal for your emotions to be all over the place ... for now, I would be cordial with the house stuff, etc. but 'buddies' will be hard right now...actually I would have a hard time staying friends in the long run...you will both eventually start dating, etc. and it will be hard.


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## Bel (Nov 6, 2009)

Thank you Swedish 

It wasn't the outcome that I was hoping for either. But the love is just gone and it's not coming back ever as far as I know. You are right about the friends thing. I'm starting to doubt it would work now or in the future but it seems like a huge loss for both of us so we are going to attempt to make it work. Yes with future relationships that is going to hurt like nothing before... Am just hoping that by the time that happens I'll be more secure in myself and happier than I was before.


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## Bel (Nov 6, 2009)

Right now I am lost and upset...suprising empty. I really don't think I can move on until he moves out of what will become my house. I do not intend to live there - will rent it out and see how it goes. 
My main problem now is that I seem to be defending him to my parents all of the time.... Mum says that he could have picked a better time (we broken up on my sisters wedding day).. but really what would have been a better time? He'd tried in his head to sort it out for 2 months, should he have not said anything until after Christmas or when? No matter when he told me it was going to be hell. But having to defend him and explain all of the time is dragging me down when I am just trying to get myself back together bit by bit!
Needed to get this off my chest


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## Bel (Nov 6, 2009)

I think I'm going a little nutty...
One minute I'm doing ok, have accepted that it's all over... I did really well last night and didn't contact him (we have still been sending each other 'goodnight' text messages etc.) An then this morning I find myself going back having hope that something will change - bought an online book "magic of making up". I have NEVER bought anything on line before so it's totally out of character for me. It's like I'm just never going to give up and I don't even know if that's what I want to do anyway...
I'm trying to just give him and myself space from each other... hoping that it will make him at least wonder where what I'm up to... then I worry that he'll think 'ok, she must be doing better now. I can feel less guilt etc'. I don't want him feeling guilty over this. If he just doesn't feel the love then he was right to remove himself from the relationship - I get it, I just don't understand it..
Still don't know if he's going to come to the counseling session next week.... I don't want to push it.. If he does come it's only to find out how we can move forward into a friendship I think.. Yes I still want more!
I've engaged a solicitor to do all the seperation paper work, less headaches for me and less that I have to stress over right now.

How can my feelings differ SO much from one day until the next?

Has anyone gone thro' all the seperation thing, moved apart, stayed in contact and its turned into a relationship again?
Would love to know... I'm not waiting around for him but I do think what we had was special and you never know what fate has in store for you


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