# Fued between the MIL and I.... Help



## mm04 (Jun 13, 2012)

My husband and I are 23 and been married for almost a year. When we met, we started dating then got engaged only a few weeks later. He had told me his mother never liked any of his previous gf's. Well anyways we got along fine, for the first few months. I moved into his house (with his parents) immediately after we got engaged. She helped pick out my wedding dress even. (sadly my mom wasn't there and it really bothers me... Even to this day) well after a few months, my husband and I moved to our own place... And the drama and gossip begun. 

My husband is her oldest child, a true mama's boy. He's so important to her, which ur own children should be, but it's almost like he's her other half, obsessive about him. After only 6 months, she came to our house one day when I was home along and B*T*H*D me out. It was an attack. Said she heard that I was hitting her son and was 100% abusive in everyday to her son and that they did not support the wedding. She's very controlling and believes every word she hears, no matter what she hears and who she hears it from. Honest QUEEN of gossip and drama. Very opinionated and believes only her feelings and words. My husband and I had been arguing more than normal but I think we were finally really getting to know each other and feeling comfortable with speaking up for our true feelings. I NEVER hit him... Never. Once I told my husband what she did, and WE told her none of it was true, she felt that it was still true and her son was only defending me... True but also NOT true because it was the truth.

Well we got married and now over a year and a half later, she still believes it and is extremely rude to me when I'm around. She's gone so far to tell me I'm NOT family. I'm in such a uncomfortable position. It has caused issues between my husband and I. Especially on holidays. His mother says "we are a very close family and spend EVERY holiday together" .... So I'm damed to spend a single day with my family and when we do, it's an issue because it's time that we should be there with HER. She's so demanding and thinks she's the most important and everything/everyone else can wait. 

Even people in town, when they find out who my MIL is, they fear for me cause they know how dramatic and gossipy she is. 

I LOVE my parents/family and wish I could spend more holidays and birthdays with them but they live hours away. So when we finally get to see them, my MIL is pissed cause we spent the time and money to go see them. 

HELP???!!!! How do I get through to her. We NEVER talk cause I'm not welcome in the family.... All because of fake rumors. I have to admit I really feel hated by everyone and unwelcome by my husbands friends and family... My family is very welcoming to my husband. They hate to see me hurt by his family. 

Like I said, it causes issues between my husband and I... And I hate tearing him apart.... Although he says "you need to get along with her" which hurts my feelings cause I've done nothing. Its like I took her oldest so I'm the devil to her I guess. How do I keep going about this the rest of our lives???
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ily101008 (Jun 15, 2012)

We are in very very similar situations. Although my MIL is coming around more five years later lol. I took her youngest away from her so I'm the devil to her too. It's hard I'm not going to lie. It is very difficult. There was a time when my relationship with my MIL came in between mine and my husband's relationship also. I was nice as can be to her while thinking thoughts of smacking her right upside the head at the same time. I know how you feel. Holidays and special events would be a great time to show her just how loving you are towards each other, even if you aren't normally that affectionate around a large group of people, lay it on thicker. It will get the point accross. Trust me. As far as talking to your husband about it, I told mine we hadn't been married for nearly as long as you and your's have when we went through this. I told him you married me, you chose me as your first family in a sense, now you need to act like it. Being married makes us a team and if we are agianst each other all the time that's not being a team now is it? It really hurts my feelings and pisses me off when your not on my side. I really need you to be there for me. Or you know,however esle your feeling fill it in. I have had to have this discussion with my husband quite a few times, Men are just not that great at remembering things so you may have to keep reminding him. As far as his mom though, I'd be nice about it but definately make the point across that you're not going anywhere and are going to be in her son's life no matter what.


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## Ree (Jun 17, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> The key is how your husband reacts to all of this. If he sees you as the most important person in his life, he will defend you to his family.
> 
> However, you can't put him in the middle. If you visit the MIL, you have to ask him to (a) stay with you during the visit to guard against her attacks and (b) to try to make sure he says something nice about you.
> 
> This is a hard lesson that I learned but it is working. By doing these things, I have blunted the friction and build a better relationship with my wife.


*I completely agree especially about not putting your husband in the middle..My MIL situation is a bit different in the sense that she has mental issues but as for the way she treated me it's pretty much the same..I knew she was talking about me to family members and she took it as far as to take her dislike for me out on my poor dog..However when I was in her presence I was always respectful to her and would do what I could to help her of course it didn't do any good but I didn't want to make things harder on my husband..My husband actually would get more angry then me and he always defended me when she was out of line..I finally made the decision to no longer go to her house and visit because I wasn't going to voluntarily subject myself to her abuse..However I made it clear to hubby that I had no issue with him going to visit his mom for however long he felt like it and he was fine with that..Unfortunetly for him every visit with her turned into an arguement about me..He finally told her she was no longer welcome here because it's our house and he won't allow her to disrespect me in my own home..Before that however when she would come over and start her crap I would just respectfully put her in her place but if my husband was there I would let him do it..It's extremely difficult for a man to feel like he's being torn between his mother whom he loves and his wife who he loves as well..As hard as it is you want to try and be respectful to her and just bite your tongue and let your husband handle it..It's his mother so it's his responsibility to do so..It also makes it easier for him to defend you if she doesn't have anything bad she can say you did or said..The one thing my husband always said to me was that he appreciated the fact that I let him handle it and didn't put him in the position to choose as his mom was already doing that..If I had an issue with her that I felt needed to be addressed I would calmly tell him what it was and how I felt and he would deal with it accordingly..This is a very stressful situation for any man to be in so just be supportive to him I try not to drag him any further in the middle then his mom already is.*


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