# what to do with your belongings?



## jumanji (Aug 25, 2012)

Hi
Been separated for 3 months-living in the old marital home surrounded by all our things. Do people suggest it's a good idea to just get rid of everything (other than those he wants) and get all new things for a fresh start? Don't want to airbrush him out of history but he's the one that wants the split (there was no one issue just a build up) and it's too painful as everything has the memory of the future talked about at the time of getting it that now won't happen or of using it in happier times and it makes it very hard to move forward. 

Any thoughts?


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## Husbandinneed92 (Aug 5, 2012)

I can't speak for everyone, but after I had a cheating WAW, I've decided to get rid of things that remind me of her, like clothes, watches, chairs, sex toys, etc.
The clothes have been easiest as I've been shedding the kilos so I can just buy a new wardrobe! It's really, really nice to be able to do this. The hardest thing is getting rid of her digital footprint. Occasionally even just playing a game I'll see a file named after her, or a savegame, or a character. It gets pretty hard.
Then there's the masses of online media of us together (thanks to this brilliant generation I'm in) and we even have old myspace accounts that wouldn't delete, so we're locked out of them and left with public albums. Feels really terrible.

So yes, I'd say replace everything. Get rid of that couch you had sex on, or the fridge or washer. Get rid of the bed. I'm going from a queen to a single king which gives me the space I need and love.

I'm lucky enough to be moving to a new house/unit with mates, so I can furnish it how I want, which is a truly great feeling.


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## J Valley (Jun 28, 2012)

I find that getting rid of the things is a good way of detaching. But then, we didn't have any children. If you have kids together, you may want to keep some stuff for them.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I think if having the things around is causing you emotional pain, you need to let those things go. 

Whether we reconcile or not, I will need to redecorate our bedroom and replace old furniture for new in order to feel good about being in there anymore. 

Even though I've kicked him out, I've been sleeping on the sofa because going into our bedroom/office gives me knots in my stomach. Even though I don't think a physical affair occurred in that room, an emotional/cyber affair/porn addiction definitely did and I think about it every time I step foot in that room.


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## jumanji (Aug 25, 2012)

Thanks for the replies all!

Good to know that I'm not alone-I too have been sleeping on the sofa as just too many memories to sleep anywhere else! He hasn't collected his belongings as yet (he was meant to but then only took a few things) which initially took as a good sign that maybe he hadn't completely detached but as time goes on (and particularly as I'm fairly sure he's dating :0() it would seem it's actually that he just doesn't need it at the moment and finds it easier to move on without any reminders of the past!! At the moment he comments occasionally that I'm clinging on to the past but it's hard when either sifting through our belongings or sitting surrounded by the ones I haven't divided/removed!! Doesn't help either that obviously sifting through them brings up many memories which then causes me to think of how we got here and if there's anything i could have done differently/fix things (which is particularly frustrating as he blames me 100% and can't see any of the good in our marriage and I've somehow bought in to this fictional allocation of blame!!) and then i inevitably contact him and seem all needy which just makes things 10 times worse!! Definitely need to tell him to get his belongings so I can actually move on and will also get some new things!!!


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