# Wife travelling without you. Is it a deal breaker for you?



## Mishy

Hi guys,

I just had a conversation with my wife. She would like to take another job that might require her to travel and go to conventions in cities like Las Vegas for a few days. Of course I would not be invited.

I told her that I would not be cool with her travelling alone for days without me.

She told me that this way she feels I am chaining her to me and that she would like to go on vacation with other girls without me.

Husbands, what's your take on this? I told her I would not be cool with that. We are married and we should go on vacation together. Furthermore there is absolutely no need for her to get another job, she has a good position and makes good money where she's working now.

Am I over-reacting or should I be genuinely concerned?


----------



## spudster

Did you see in the news about that woman who left behind her husband and two kids to go on a photo tour of Turkey? They found her body in a ditch near a wall. 

Your wife's attitude and behavior has all the red flags of Walkaway Wife Syndrome. 

Others will come along to explain what that is. I don't have the energy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tacoma

The very first rule in my marraige was "no seperate vacations".
Especially no "girls only" vacations.

As a man who spent his youth living and working on a resort island I can tell you from experience there's a reason why they don't want their husbands around and it isn't innocent.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Entropy3000

My wife and I use POJA. Policy Of Joint Agreement.

It is normal in my career to do some travelling. Typically it is not to anywhere like Las Vegas.

All this said in my marriage if my wife was against me doing this travelling we would work it out. I would have to find a job without such travel but there are no free lunches in life so taling a different job might be for less money but might also involve longer working hours.

So I am suggesting that you and your wife weigh the pluses and minuses with this.

Has there been any infidelity in the marriage?

What does she do for a living?

Why are you concerned about this travel?

What other job chocies does she have?

I checked to see what other threads you have and it sounds like you have other marital issues. She has a drinking problem? Your sex life is less than great.

My wife travels alone to visit relatives mostly. A couple times she did go to visit very close female friends. My wife is NOT a party girl and in general we do not take spearate vactions.

I am not for GNO vactions. So no I would not be cool with the vactions to go party with ... anyone like that without me. But I confess the situation has never come up.


----------



## sandc

Neither my wife nor I would take a job where there was substantial travel. I don't consider it being chained to her nor doe she consider it being chained to me. We consider it being in love and wanting to be around one another.

The whole separate vacation thing... no way.


----------



## Drover

Depends on the wife. Is she a partyer? Do you have any specific reasons to be concerned?


----------



## EleGirl

Are you sure that her trips will be to Las Vegas? Or did you just come up with that?

I travel a few times a year for my job. I have for years. If your wife is going to cheat, she will do it in your home town. She does not need to travel to do this. 

Why does she want to take this new job? What does she think is better about it than the one she has now. Not what your toughts are but her thoughts.

On the topic of her going on vacation with her woman friends. To me it would depend on the vacation and where they are going. I've done this as well. But I don't hang out with any one, male or femal, who cheats on their spouses. I'd be the one calling up the husband of any of my friends who cheated.


----------



## EleGirl

How often would she have to travel?


----------



## Tigger

Are you serious?
You would divorce her over that?
How high up is she in her career?

I regularly travel alone on vacation and for business. BUT, I am not a social person nor am I a partyer. You would never find me in any bar anywhere. I don't even drink.

I'm at the top of my career. Telling me to not travel or you'd divorce me would get the same response someone like Richard Branson or Trump would give if their spouses told them they weren't allowed to travel for business.


----------



## Mishy

Hi everyone,

I just found out that the company she works for is a MLM that sells cosmetic products. They periodically have conventions and "parties" for members.

The trip about Las Vegas is true and it's planned from the MLM company. I don't know all the details at this stage.

There has been no infidelity but my concern is that she drinks a lot, especially on social occasions. Her being in Vegas at those kind of "parties" without me would make me unconfortable. I bet any husband would be.

I have not said anything about divorce. I said that I was not cool with her choosing a job that will require travel when there are plenty of job opportunities here that don't require travel.


----------



## Entropy3000

Mishy said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I just found out that the company she works for is a MLM that sells cosmetic products. They periodically have conventions and "parties" for members.
> 
> The trip about Las Vegas is true and it's planned from the MLM company. I don't know all the details at this stage.
> 
> There has been no infidelity but my concern is that she drinks a lot, especially on social occasions. Her being in Vegas at those kind of "parties" without me would make me unconfortable. I bet any husband would be.
> 
> I have not said anything about divorce. I said that I was not cool with her choosing a job that will require travel when there are plenty of job opportunities here that don't require travel.


You said she is thinking about a new job.

You know if my wife did not want me taking a role that was something like this which involved a lot of parties I owuld not pursue it. 

I know that lifestyle and I suggest she avoid it if she has a drinking problem.

Keep in mind I out my marriage about any job. Others have other priorities.


----------



## Mavash.

Entropy3000 said:


> My wife and I use POJA. Policy Of Joint Agreement.


This is what my husband and I do. We don't do separate vacations and ONCE I took a traveling job but he agreed to it with stipulations. The agreement was I'd only do it for 2 years. See I wanted to travel at least once in my life and it would further my career.

And when the two years was up he said it's time so I quit. By then I'd gotten my fill of traveling so I was happy to give it up (I traveled 60% of the time). 

To this day I'm grateful to have those memories. I however never drank and never partied. I worked, did some sightseeing, went out to dinner and unless I was working late was back at the hotel ALONE by 7-8pm.

I'm wondering WHY your wife wants to a) switch jobs and b) travel?


----------



## jfv

She seems to want to travel a little too much. Know what i mean?


----------



## Hicks

Your wife's reaction saying you are chaining her is the red flag here.


----------



## Married in VA

Most MLM's are not successful business models for recruits. The parties they go to are full of transient people who have no problem with one night stands or hooking up. The infidelity triangle can very well be met here. 

I would be against ANY kind of separate travel that is not work related.


----------



## Entropy3000

Ok ... a pyramid scheme. Then NFW.

This is an excuse to party.


----------



## EleGirl

Mishy said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I just found out that the company she works for is a MLM that sells cosmetic products. They periodically have conventions and "parties" for members.
> 
> The trip about Las Vegas is true and it's planned from the MLM company. I don't know all the details at this stage.
> 
> There has been no infidelity but my concern is that she drinks a lot, especially on social occasions. Her being in Vegas at those kind of "parties" without me would make me unconfortable. I bet any husband would be.
> 
> I have not said anything about divorce. I said that I was not cool with her choosing a job that will require travel when there are plenty of job opportunities here that don't require travel.


Ok, this job does sound a little off. MLM? I would not work for one of those types of companies unless is was the only job available.

Does this job give her a big income increase?


----------



## ComicBookLady

(Sorry I'm posting in the Men's forum!) I actually work a job that a couple times a year means I have to travel to conventions without my husband. He had an issue with it too, but it was over my safety traveling alone in big cities rather than me going crazy on the social scene ( I'm not much of a socialite). We had a big fight about it as well, though we compromised. I had to go to these conventions for work, but I worked hard to make my husband feel more at ease about my whereabouts (making sure I wasn't running around dark alleys, etc  ). He still isn't totally okay when I have to travel, but much better about it. I just make sure to give him as much information as possible.

For your situation, I understand both sides. You are rightfully concerned about a very social wife in Vegas. She doesn't like having her freedom trod upon, and doesn't like that you don't trust her. Both of you are right.

Would you feel better about this if she were to keep you often abreast of her whereabouts/what she's up to? And I don't mean in a crazy "tell me every second of your life" way (and make sure she understands that). I mean a respectful open communication between husband and wife during her travels? 

And you should respect her freedom, and trust that your wife loves you. If she's a cheater, then she'd be a cheater anywhere, but I'm guessing you have nothing to worry about there anyways


----------



## larry.gray

tacoma said:


> The very first rule in my marraige was "no seperate vacations".
> Especially no "girls only" vacations.
> 
> As a man who spent his youth living and working on a resort island I can tell you from experience there's a reason why they don't want their husbands around and it isn't innocent.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


But this isn't a vacation, it is work. 

I've been to L.V. 7 times for work. It is a common place for conventions.

I did take my wife along for one of them.


----------



## Tigger

Mishy said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I just found out that the company she works for is a MLM that sells cosmetic products. They periodically have conventions and "parties" for members.
> 
> The trip about Las Vegas is true and it's planned from the MLM company. I don't know all the details at this stage.
> 
> There has been no infidelity but my concern is that she drinks a lot, especially on social occasions. Her being in Vegas at those kind of "parties" without me would make me unconfortable. I bet any husband would be.
> 
> I have not said anything about divorce. I said that I was not cool with her choosing a job that will require travel when there are plenty of job opportunities here that don't require travel.


What type of work is she doing right now?

MLM seems like one of those shady jobs.

What did you mean by deal breaker then?

Is she willing to work on her drinking issues?

Since you said it was MLM for cosmetics, it just seems like a waste of time and money.


----------



## JCD

I recall my wife approaching me. She is frequently stuck with the kids because I travel like a bastard. It is the nature of my work. I take little pleasure in being away from home.

So...a neighbor/gf tells her that the two of them should go on a mini GF vacation together to Vegas and wife asks me about it.

I say no. I can see a bit of hackle as I get asked why.

"Because X is a woman whom you've admitted is constantly trolling for the next BF or husband. So she is going to try that in Vegas too. Do you think she's going to find only solo guys? No, she's going to use you as bait to lure in some guys since you're younger and prettier or she'll find a guy who is with his friend. She will put a lot of pressure on YOU to be 'nice' to the friend so she can have her shot at the target. You didn't get to pick this guy out. You don't know how friendly he's goig to want to be. Is this plausible or something that would interest you?"

She admitted it was VERY plausible and not interesting to her AT ALL.

Now, I took some of the sting out by saying she was fully allowed to take some time to herself with Y, who was a much more sedate and mature woman IMO. She declined. Maybe Y wasn't enough fun...or maybe she thought Y wouldn't be any different. 

In any event, I take her traveling a bit more and she hasn't asked.

You might want to address the issue that way. But your wife isn't my wife.


----------



## Wiltshireman

If your home life allows it (you do not say if you have young children / would need help with childcare) then I can see no reason why one or both partners should not travel if there work requires it. I like to be get home everyday and see my family (why I left the Navy before getting married) but over the years work has required that I spend time away from home (4 weeks in the UAE was the longest) and my wife did go on a couple of trips with work (before we had kids) but now she works from home.

Our main holiday each year is always a whole family treat but in the past we have had mum & dad only breaks (my mum when she was alive would come up and sit the kids) and each of us has taken various of the children on trips that have limited appeal to the others (my wife took the girls to a spa for a weekend) I took the two older boys over to my dads for a boys weekend (football, theme park). 
Neither of us has had a vacation on our own but both off us have had the odd night away over the years (my last was a stag night two years ago).

As a previous poster has said if someone is going to cheat they do not need to travel with work to do it.

It is all a mater of Trust.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Ok.
Two quick points.

1] MLM or Pyramid people as I call them are usually " freestylers ". They are mostly single people making a living off gambling their luck in risky businesses. Not really the " ethical " type of people.

2] My wife goes on vacations every year without me.
Yes , I said without me. But here's the "caveat."
My mother and a group of travelling friends also go with her.
I have no problem with that.

Last year she wanted to visit California with another one of her friends, but she knew I would_ never_ agree to that so, 
" the question did not arise ." She just mentioned it in passing.

Your wife is testing you and you seem to be giving into her


----------



## galian84

I'm not sure if it would be a deal breaker for me, personally, if it were my boyfriend/husband. I'm used to a traveling lifestyle, although it has settled down somewhat since I graduated and started working. 

That said, I don't know if I could be married to someone who travels often for work. I'd miss them too much! My dad used to travel frequently for his job (he was high up in his career, though, and made a lot of money), and I never got a chance to grow close to him, until a few years ago. 

My SO and I take most of our vacations together, but he takes his son for about a week every year (and occasionally his family, or his friend and his friend's kid, which I have no problem with. I'd rather spend my vacation time with him alone, or with my own family/friends), and sometimes goes on a long weekend trip to somewhere close by with one of his close friends once a year. But he does have 2 weeks' more vacation time than I do. But of course, it all depends on where he's going and what they're going to be doing. 

I go and visit my brother/dad/friends/uncles without him, as well, mostly for weekends/long weekends. But if we get married, he will be invited to most of those trips, as well.

Do the two of you have children at home? I don't know much about the type of company your wife is going to be working for, so I can't comment. But yes, I would suggest you sit down with her and weigh the pros and cons of her traveling (as Entropy suggested earlier). Is this really going to further her career? How long does she plan on doing this for? The fact that she said she feels "chained to you" worries me :/


----------



## RandomDude

=/

My wife wouldn't travel anywhere without stringing along her bloody boytoy who has to pay for everything even! But I like it though, we never fight in vacations, it always brings out the best of us.

However your wife isn't talking about a vacation she's talking about work.


----------



## Married in VA

Every situation is different. You, as a husband, need to assess the risk to your marriage. You have stated that your wife has an issue with alcohol. You do know that excessive alcohol consumption leads to bad judgement. Since it only takes ONE act of infidelity to ruin a marriage, you have to decide if this job and trips are worth the risk to your marriage and family. Remember the infidelity triangle:

Opportunity - She is in a setting where single men, whose moral values are in question, are available and looking.
Capability - She is there without "adult supervision" and there is nothing to stop her.
Intent - While not intending to cheat, with a little alcohol or the slick words of a man looking to get laid, that could change. This leg of the triangle is where her past and propensity to cheat are factored in.

Let's also think of the security risks here, namely rape due to excessive alcohol consumption.

In the end, it's not worth it. Just ask the family that just lost their wife/mother in Turkey so she can go "have some alone time".

The answer is no, no separate vacations. There is NO FREEDOM for people who are married. You gave that up when you said "I do". If you want freedom, then stay single. Compromises can be made, of course, but it is at the couple's own risk.


----------



## anotherguy

Mishy said:


> Hi guys,
> 
> I just had a conversation with my wife. She would like to take another job that might require her to travel and go to conventions in cities like Las Vegas for a few days. Of course I would not be invited.
> 
> I told her that I would not be cool with her travelling alone for days without me.
> 
> She told me that this way she feels I am chaining her to me and that she would like to go on vacation with other girls without me.
> 
> Husbands, what's your take on this? I told her I would not be cool with that. We are married and we should go on vacation together. Furthermore there is absolutely no need for her to get another job, she has a good position and makes good money where she's working now.
> 
> Am I over-reacting or should I be genuinely concerned?



I am pretty surprised by the pravailing 'wisdom' in his thread... and by the OPs original comment: "I told her that I would not be cool with her travelling alone for days without me."

Really? Why the heck not? And why are you confusing a business trip with a vacation?

The other posts instantly suggesting 'walk away wife' or the threat of 'rape', 'no freedom' are just.. to be frankly.... insane.

If my wife needed to go to Vegas.. lets say twice a year for work - I would say 'have a blast'.. and mean it.

Cripes. What is wrong with you people?

The pyramid cosmetics thing isnt such a great career choice, but seriously - that is besided the point - could be Mary Kay.. whatever. So...you are going to tell her she cant travel for/because of work? Better get out the Burka - make sure she stays in line. I am only half joking.

She says she is feeling chained to you because you are being controlling and unreasonable. You are also making decisions on what she wants to do for work?

If she is a drunk party animal than you have other problems. Is that the case?


----------



## Racer

Dealbreaker? With my changes, it could be. It comes down to this: I would be left wondering if she would have an affair. That leads to anxiety, trust, and a whole host of negative feeling in the marriage. It really comes down to why I should trust her and what work she’s done to warrant that trust. Trust does not come from just “you should because I’m your wife”. She is a whole person and I judge her as such. I no longer let “because it should be this way” influence whether that is the reality or not. 

So, if you weren’t married, would you trust her in this situation? Or is it because you are married, that you feel you have to trust her because that is what you are supposed to be to be a good husband? 

What it really comes down to; Do you feel she is truly “into you” and devoted to your emotional wants? Giving or taking? The person who will generally cheat is the person with the least emotional investment in the relationship. If you don’t feel she’s invested heavily emotionally to you and acts more like a individual looking out for herself... I would not ‘go along’ with this job. I would also have some serious discussions about the relationship between the two of you and what it has become. 

Basically, because you question it and do not like it, you should not ignore those feelings. Seek out and discuss why that is. For me, it came back to just feeling she wasn’t that into me, but more of what I could provide for her. We didn’t explore this until after she had a lot of affairs to ‘fill the void’.


----------



## Racer

anotherguy said:


> Really? Why the heck not? And why are you confusing a business trip with a vacation?
> ...
> Cripes. What is wrong with you people?


Um... from what I’ve seen from various women I know doing this sort of stuff; Cosmetics, Dieting aids, etc... These are more of a convention atmosphere. Seminars, product introductions, awards benefits, and lots of mixer and social events. It is more of a social thing like a pep rally for the company... So the destinations are usually ‘fun cities’. There are a lot of social opportunities and people getting together to make social plans for the evenings.

It is unlike most business trips that look and feel like what you’d be doing normally, just in a different city.


----------



## Enginerd

MLM = Pyramid scheme rebranded. The people that participate in that crap are either con artists or suckers. I'm pretty sure this is a business vacation that she has to pay for herself. This wouldn't be for Nerium would it? 

This is not a typical business trip that involves meeting up with a customer and discussing regular business. This is a party in Vegas for an MLM scam. So why couldn't you just go along and party with her or let her go to her business part alone and hang out in Vegas? I think you are being played.


----------



## Jasel

I have 6 guy friends who just went to Vegas the other week for a 4 day vacation. Was scary how many married women who were there either on vacation or business without their husbands who seemed quite willing to screw around on them (I'm sure there were plenty of men too. Quite a lot of escorts/prostitutes around).

I wouldn't be cool with that at all if I were you.


----------



## bandit.45

Jasel said:


> I have 6 guy friends who just went to Vegas the other week for a 4 day vacation. Was scary how many married women who were there either on vacation or business without their husbands who seemed quite willing to screw around on them (I'm sure there were plenty of men too. Quite a lot of escorts/prostitutes around).
> 
> I wouldn't be cool with that at all if I were you.


I used to travel to Vegas for work. Ive seen it with my own eyes: gaggles of drunk middle-aged and older women, rings on fingers mind you, leading much younger men out of the casino bars up to their rooms.... 

I saw it alot. Had some make passes at me a few times...I declined of course. 

You see that alot here in Scottsdale, AZ, another popular training/convention town. Scottsdale isn't known as "Slvtsdale" for nothing.


----------



## OhGeesh

Totally fine with it!!! We both have trips both work and pleasure that are solo!!


----------



## Shaggy

The problem isn't necessarily the travel. It's the where and the who she would be with.

Doing MLM she's going to be surrounded by users and players and they are going to there to party and hookup.

Why can't you go with her?


----------



## captainstormy

If I couldn't trust her to not bed another guy when I'm not around, I couldn't be married to her. That's just how I seething though.


----------



## Pault

Ive travelled ALOT 10 years ago and found many of the same faces turn up at hotels, motels etc. When they did it wasnt supprising to see some very friendly meetings take place after evening meal. I to was offered once and cut the lady dead with a comment. Ive seen travel issues and I because of it Im somewhat bias but I wouldnt be happy if my wife took a second job that did that. 
Vacation with the girls - yep like a Hen night but further away and out of site. The phrase what happens on tour stays on tour is very, very true. My W asked a similar question about an extended weekend (4 nights) at a hoilday establishment that was offering no child places at all for that time a the entertainment was focused on adults. I did some digger and found evidence that there were strippers (male and female) and the worst guests for "eating" below the waist were the women.
I made the point to my W about it and she said Im not in to that stuff - Question so why go???. I made it clear that if she started the sole vacation trend then Id carry it on - Id go with the lads on a sports supporters trip - she knows that there are things that happen on these trips every wife would hate. Her female friend who are either married or in relationships keep on to her - All I say to her when anything like this comes up is "take rasponsibility for what you may start because you may open Pandoras box and they suffer because of it". I always throw it back at her somply because if she wants to go then ...go but be aware just be mindful of your actions and the consequences. In closing Id say this to you. If your gut is saying something and something that makes you want to ask advice of others in TAM or anyother forum then you may have need to be outright honest with your wife, clear the deck and tell her you feeling really uncomfortable about these issue, you may be feeling vulnerable and these away working and girl vacations are a concern because of the reputation they carrry.. ... Then see what she says. You may even say Ok go - Ill just drop in at some point if Im lonely to see you is that ok - watch and gauge the reaction


----------



## Wiltshireman

We all know that when you travel alone (be it for work or pleasure) there are opportunities for inappropriate behavior and on occasion you will receive the amours attentions of someone whilst away.
If you can trust yourself to deal with these temptations and not succumb should you not also trust your partner to do the same?
Over the years I have had many opportunities to stray and more than a few people have made advances (the last was a very "fit" young MAN in Amsterdam). I have always turned down (politely I hope) the opportunities and advance and stayed faithful to my wedding vows.


----------



## dogman

What bothers me about this is that it's a new development that goes against what you want and what has been standard procedure since you are together.

It's a red flag and I wouldn't go for it. It presents opportunity for an escalation of whatever relationships might happen on the trips or at work.

...it's giving sunlight to a plant, it will grow. Not on my watch. It's poison.


----------



## Caribbean Man

Pault said:


> Vacation with the girls - yep like a Hen night but further away and out of site. *The phrase what happens on tour stays on tour is very, very true.*


I live in the Caribbean, and I have stayed on quite a few resort islands, because my relatives are into that type of business.
I have been approached before in my younger days by foreigners.
They offer money for sex. 
We have the usual " beach boys" who do that sort of stuff for a living, but I was never into that.
However, when these women vacation here in groups,
Sex with the locals is almost ,always on the menu.


----------



## TCSRedhead

Work travel is NOT a vacation. I have traveled frequently for most of my professional career. 

I can tell you that most times, I was way too busy to even check out the local sights. I had stayed at the Venetian several times without ever even stepping foot downstairs in the canals and shops. 

When it has been financially feasible, I definitely invite hubby to come along as it's enjoyable to have him there when my day wraps up for dinner.

That said, I will say that how it is handled makes a big difference. I text during the day, call in the evening and Skype when I get back to my room. This helps me catch up on his day, let him know I'm safe and when we can add some excitement to the night - even better!

It's also become a rule to have a 1 - 2 drink maximum. It's safer for me anyhow. 

That said, it doesn't sound like this is 'mandatory' work travel but optional. For me, that would mean having you go too.


----------



## Sigma Uber Alles

I will only say that her ski trips without me while she was under the influence of prescription anti-depressants, combined with her bipolar illness led to much infidelity and her eventual disappearance.

So my opinion is no... other than trips to visit immediate family... no seperate trips... but YMMV.


----------



## Entropy3000

Convention travel for me is always a blast. I try to take my wife.

All work travel is not equal. I will tell you we have a group of guys in my organization that travel a lot. They seek it out. They are married but not so much on the trips. Not saying they all screw around. But for the most part it is activity that their spouses would be upset about.

I trust my wife to not seek out these gray areas. So you say trust your spouse. Fine. I trust my wife. But that trust is challenged when they pick certain circumstances to go. Venues matter and companions matter.

Yes you can get screwed in the loft at the church but get real. A married person putting themselves continually in a spring break situation is acting single. YMMV.

So yeah I trust my wife to stay out of the risky situations. She trusts me as well.

If you keep putting yourself in those situations and you surround yourself with these kinds of people your boundaries are going to deteriorate.

My wife used to be a presenter at her orgainzations conventions. I went with her often but not on all. She has travelled with very close female friends on rare occasions. I had no problems with these. But I know the women she went with very well. 

My wife went with her lifelong BFF to San Diego to present at a convention. They stayed at the Del. I called the Del and asked them to make sure she had flowers everyday. Yes I paid for the hotel too. If my wife was a a partier I would have more concern.

On other conventions she has told me they are always trying to get her to go to the club dancing with men and usually the male strip club too. Do I think she would cheat on me? Oh nothing gauranteed but she would be risking a lot. Again most of the time I have gone with her. Not out of lack of trust but for the fun. When she presented in Buffalo the next week we spent in Niagra Falls.

I always make sure there is a warm hoemcoming and that we are in good before either of us travel. 

In no way would I be ok if my wife did a lot of this. It was like once a year for a short time. My wife has gone on cruises with my daughter. Would I be down for her going on a GNO cruise. Probably not but then again I would not do that either.

My wife has never been a prty girl. She is not a drinker. She will go a whole year and have a little wine at a wine tasting in Sonoma with me. But that is it. My wife earned my trust BUT I think blind trust is ambivalent, lazy and naive.


----------



## betrayed2013

my wife became depressed towards the end of 2011. By mid jan she was asking me if she could go to florida with two of her married g/f's ( one is a cheater)....then it turns into an all inclusive in cuba in early feb. I thot if I say no, then i'll be a a hole and shell be bitter that her friends went and she didnt and it would be my fault. So I thot that the sun and heat would make her feel better and she would stop questioning the marriage (which she was when she first got depressed). Then a week after she gets back I see her phone texts with one of the girls she went with and the one msg stated "i never heard back from a certain someone" so I question her and she says they met a bunch of people and she thot a guy was cute and that was it. She was hoping to hear from him on fb I assume. I was livid......so my advice is if ur totally comfortable in ur marriage and have no concerns whatsoever adn totally trust her, then I say let her go, but know that in vegas, at all inclusives, numerous dudes are going to hit on ur wife. If you dont trust her 100%, Then dont let her do it. I for one, cant let her go again and if she does, the seperation papers will be waiting for her on the kitchen counter when she gets back. lol


----------



## Entropy3000

betrayed2013 said:


> my wife became depressed towards the end of 2011. By mid jan she was asking me if she could go to florida with two of her married g/f's ( one is a cheater)....then it turns into an all inclusive in cuba in early feb. I thot if I say no, then i'll be a a hole and shell be bitter that her friends went and she didnt and it would be my fault. So I thot that the sun and heat would make her feel better and she would stop questioning the marriage (which she was when she first got depressed). Then a week after she gets back I see her phone texts with one of the girls she went with and the one msg stated "i never heard back from a certain someone" so I question her and she says they met a bunch of people and she thot a guy was cute and that was it. She was hoping to hear from him on fb I assume. I was livid......so my advice is if ur totally comfortable in ur marriage and have no concerns whatsoever adn totally trust her, then I say let her go, but know that in vegas, at all inclusives, numerous dudes are going to hit on ur wife. If you dont trust her 100%, Then dont let her do it. I for one, cant let her go again and if she does, the seperation papers will be waiting for her on the kitchen counter when she gets back. lol


So as I have stated I trust my wife very much.

IF she came to me and wanted to go to florida with a known cheater, that in itself would break my trust. Now the cuba thing? Forgeddaboutit. NFW.


----------



## Mavash.

Entropy3000 said:


> *All work travel is not equal. *
> 
> My wife has never been a party girl. She is not a drinker. She will go a whole year and have a little wine at a wine tasting in Sonoma with me. But that is it. My wife earned my trust BUT *I think blind trust is ambivalent, lazy and naive.*


Key points that I agree with wholeheartedly.


----------



## mace17

I really can't believe some of the comments on here. Being married means giving up your freedom? It's marriage, not slavery! If you have to keep your wife on a short leash to keep her at all, then you have much bigger problems. The tighter you try to hold on, the more she will want to escape. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she will and if not, you can't do a darn thing about it anyway. She still has a mind and free will, and a wife is not a possession.


----------



## 6301

If your wife has a problem with booze, then what's to say that she gets drunk and does something that would cause the marriage to fall apart. 

People do stupid thing when their drunk and it's no excuse for getting into trouble.

If your marriage isn't solid then I would have a big problem with it and her drinking is a problem, so I would be against it. If she tells you that she's doing it anyhow, then at least you know where you stand and then you have a decision to make. Good luck.


----------



## tulsy

tacoma said:


> The very first rule in my marraige was "no seperate vacations".
> Especially no "girls only" vacations.
> 
> As a man who spent his youth living and working on a resort island I can tell you from experience there's a reason why they don't want their husbands around and it isn't innocent.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My buddy literally just got back from a job in Barbados. While there, he met 2 married ladies, one late 20's the other early 30's, but on holiday without their husbands. Both women picked up and brought local men back to the hotel on multiple evenings. Their husbands have no idea.


----------



## ReformedHubby

The type of traveling should be considered here. My wife travels without me but its really tame stuff. She'll take her mom to Atlantic City, or she'll go to NYC to see a Broadway play with her girlfriends. Right now she is training for a marathon in another city, and I haven't decided if I'm going. In other words she doesn't go on trips and act like a spring breaker. 

Regarding the whole MLM thing, keep an eye on it. I've seen more than one person get brainwashed into believing that MLM is a path to wealth. Some even turn against family and friends, and leave real jobs. Yes it works for some people, but most people just end up wasting time and money going to seminars and listening to tapes.


----------



## treyvion

tulsy said:


> My buddy literally just got back from a job in Barbados. While there, he met 2 married ladies, one late 20's the other early 30's, but on holiday without their husbands. Both women picked up and brought local men back to the hotel on multiple evenings. Their husbands have no idea.


On their husbands tab? That's what it sounds like.


----------



## tulsy

treyvion said:


> On their husbands tab? That's what it sounds like.


Well, the one chick is a SAHM, one kid, looked about 3 years old, her hubby works. Her FB page is all family stuff, wedding was in the last 5 years, and she's messing around while on a girls-holiday. The other chick is married, but no kids. When my buddy told me I was disgusted, but not surprised.

Apparently, the hotel staff actually stopped the girls after day 5 and turned away the guys they had brought home with them. They made a scene in the lobby, then tried to sneak the guys in the side door, staff caught them again...then the one chick just went to her room alone, the other chick left with the guy she picked up.

I'm thinking of anonymously contacting their husbands on FB and tipping them to what I heard, but I don't want to involve my friend. He lives in a different state and we only see each other a few times a year, usually half work related.


----------



## larry.gray

tulsy said:


> My buddy literally just got back from a job in Barbados. While there, he met 2 married ladies, one late 20's the other early 30's, but on holiday without their husbands. Both women picked up and brought local men back to the hotel on multiple evenings. Their husbands have no idea.


This isn't a woman only thing.

I've seen the same kind of crap among male coworkers when I travel. Since I'm and engineer, pretty much all of my coworkers are male....

I have to travel for my job. My wife does at times too. Yes, traveling makes it easier to not get caught. But it's not like someone can't cheat right at home under your nose. If you can't trust your spouse to travel, then perhaps you should consider if you really want to be married to them.


----------



## Caribbean Man

tulsy said:


> My buddy literally just got back from a job in Barbados. While there, he met 2 married ladies, one late 20's the other early 30's, but on holiday without their husbands. Both women picked up and brought local men back to the hotel on multiple evenings. Their husbands have no idea.


I live in the Caribbean, and as I said earlier in this thread, 
THIS IS THE NORM!

I own a business , and one of my delivery drivers gave me a story recently ,of how he spent his holiday ,across in a resort island. He met three middle aged female visitors , they approached him for chit chat and small talk.
The told him they just wanted someone around to guide them, exchanged numbers .
He starts hanging out with them, bars,beach , restaurants and on the penultimate day they had their drunk fun back at the villa they rented.
They then promised to return for Carnival.
I laughed and told him , it's the norm. He's young and those women do it all the time , it's a well kept secret.
He was surprised.

Visitors hooking up down here with locals is the NORM, and men do it too.
I know of several men , especially expatriates who work with multinationals ,who left their wives , got married to locals they've met here.
Some of them would rent / lease a " love nest " and maintain a much younger , pretty,local girl. The go to social functions with them , public places etc. 
My sister in law met and got married to an Australian expat many years ago. They now live in Australia and visit often. I think he divorced his wife after he met her.

It is the norm rather than the exception.


----------



## ReformedHubby

Caribbean Man said:


> I live in the Caribbean, and as I said earlier in this thread,
> THIS IS THE NORM!
> 
> I own a business , and one of my delivery drivers gave me a story recently ,of how he spent his holiday ,across in a resort island. He met three middle aged female visitors , they approached him for chit chat and small talk.
> The told him they just wanted someone around to guide them, exchanged numbers .
> He starts hanging out with them, bars,beach , restaurants and on the penultimate day they had their drunk fun back at the villa they rented.
> They then promised to return for Carnival.
> I laughed and told him , it's the norm. He's young and those women do it all the time , it's a well kept secret.
> He was surprised.
> 
> Visitors hooking up down here with locals is the NORM, and men do it too.
> I know of several men , especially expatriates who work with multinationals ,who left their wives , got married to locals they've met here.
> Some of them would rent / lease a " love nest " and maintain a much younger , pretty,local girl. The go to social functions with them , public places etc.
> My sister in law met and got married to an Australian expat many years ago. They now live in Australia and visit often. I think he divorced his wife after he met her.
> 
> It is the norm rather than the exception.


I get to see the other side of this. A friend of my wife's flew to an exotic locale for a week so she could take "surfing" lessons. Her husband thought it was the best idea ever. In fact he was happy because now he could go on a golf trip with his friends. I honestly believe that there are some men who go through life with blinders on when it comes to what can happen on trips like this. They are taught to believe that women don't engage in this type of behavior

I'll stop short of saying all travel without your spouse is bad but be careful of destination and purpose of the trip, and also who is going. I was invited to bachelor party in Brazil. I knew better than to even ask my wife, so I didn't go. I don't think anyone that went on that trip even with the best intentions made it back without cheating on their wives. I may never see Brazil, but honestly its not a trip a married man should make by himself.


----------



## Pault

larry.gray said:


> This isn't a woman only thing.
> 
> I've seen the same kind of crap among male coworkers when I travel. Since I'm and engineer, pretty much all of my coworkers are male....
> 
> I have to travel for my job. My wife does at times too. Yes, traveling makes it easier to not get caught. But it's not like someone can't cheat right at home under your nose. If you can't trust your spouse to travel, then perhaps you should consider if you really want to be married to them.


:iagree:

Plus I see it as; many will travel for 1 - 2 days with no issue. The on occasion they may travel with people mostly friends, again this is not an issue. But when one or more of the group decide to let down the moral brakes a partner can be in a group where there are activities which the spouse would find a massive threat (deal break) or call it what ever you prefer. 

I have experienced where my W was on a night out. 2 of her company (they were all ladies , I say that out of respect to those that acted like ladies and not for the ones who acted otherwise) started relally letting their hair down. A group of guys around the same age ranges as the ladies were in the venue and there was clear flirting by at least the 2 ladies. Then cam the displying of six packs by the younger lads followed by females with hands on examinations of these. All "in fun" of course. One lad appraoched my W and was asked if she'd like t see his six pack she laughed and nodded (I know all this because it was portrayed by witnesses and eventually my W)
Amid loads of laughter and giggles came the rubbing on of hands.

next day I get to hear about it and say nothing, it was innocent fun .... wasn't it.
My W found out id been told of some of the hi jinx and some of the other smale spouses were given the complete story of some wayward acts by others.

My w asked if I wanted to talk about it. I agreed and she saidd she'd filled up on about a bottle of red wine and was caught unawres by this lad. She felt embarressed by it all. 

I simply said - Fine as long as your ok when I do that to a female half my age when I decide to go with that all lads night out to a sports event. - Suddenly Im threatening and acting improperly.

The moral is - you can be an innocent party in a group on a travelling event, holiday of night out, but it takes only one act to start the whole company being tainted and "things to get out of hand". 

Its not always about trust, its about self control and what could be convayed back about events that occured

In my case I voiced what Id been told , who was involved and which of the "ladies" was over the hood of the car in the carpark having her undercarridge examined.

It never happens until it happens and word leaks back. Then its to late as even the innocent actions of some will be questioned.
Any spouse should be able to go on nights out etc without sexual threat being considered by the stay at home partner. The issue I suppose is that millions of people have great nights out, let their hair down and come home with a hangover from hell. It only takes a small percentage to step out of line to start concerns. Its natural to be concerned if there is any history of such things around the people in agroup situation.
You can only hope and trust. If tat trust is even tested then the seal is broken and tehe stay at home will always be wondering if the step to far has been made.


----------



## MrK

Got sucked into a dead thread again. DANG!


----------



## Caribbean Man

ReformedHubby said:


> I may never see Brazil, but honestly its not a trip a married man should make by himself.


Exactly.

Some destinations are not designed for married people to visit alone or in groups of singles.

Rio Carnival in Brazil, Carnival in Trinidad & Tobago, Cartegena in Columbia, Medellin in Columbia ,Hedonism Resorts, Jamaica , are just a few that comes to my mind that I know of.


----------



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

My h and I take vacations with and without each other. The last 5-5.5 years it's been extremely difficult for me to leave my house due to the severe chronic pain. I'm literally a prisoner in my own body.

However, I am planning a long weekend to visit a friend I met online several years ago. We've met up a few times. As it stands, we will meet at the Stanley Hotel in CO unless I find another place I'd like to go. I can't walk long distances, so I need to make this trip where there's not walking involved. 

When we meet up, it's just her and I. We do a lot of sight seeing. Next time we meet, she's going to have to push me in a wheelchair:/

Both my h and I are not trapped in our marriage. Neither of us cross those boundaries that would even raise suspicion of one another. My h leaves a lot more then I do, especially to hunt and fish. It's only fair that I get my turn to do what I want to do.


----------



## alexm

It's still relevant, Mr. K! 

FWIW, on the surface, I have little to no issue with wives going out and having a little fun and breaking away from every day life. However, it all depends on where they are going, and more importantly, with whom.

I would trust my wife, plain and simple. However I would feel uneasy and on edge the whole time she was gone. As somebody else here said (and it's something I learned myself, thanks to my ex wife) you can't have blind trust in your partner.

I would absolutely trust my wife to not have plans to get wild while away. But nobody should trust anybody when there's alcohol, a fun setting, and a party atmosphere. That's just reality. Things tend to seem like a good idea or "no big deal" after 8 beers, and if everybody else is doing it. Things tend to become amplified when you're in a situation like that, and drunk. You're easily manipulated and coerced.

Unlike many of you who have posted in this, I actually don't believe that if someone is going to cheat, it doesn't matter where they are. I DO actually believe that you could have zero intentions of cheating at home, have no intentions of cheating while on vacation with your friends, and still end up doing something that crosses the line. It is more likely to happen on a vacation with friends, outside of your state/country than a girls/guys night out here at home.

Would I tell my wife she couldn't go on one of these? No. Would I let her know I wasn't comfortable? Probably.

More importantly, I would inquire as to WHY she felt she needed to do this. To go have expensive fun without me. I understand the need to not always be with your partner, but I don't understand the need to take the opportunity to relive your single years (whether anything happens or not, planned or unplanned). Single life is in the past.


----------



## Pault

alexm said:


> It's still relevant, Mr. K!
> 
> I would absolutely trust my wife to not have plans to get wild while away. But nobody should trust anybody when there's alcohol, a fun setting, and a party atmosphere. That's just reality. Things tend to seem like a good idea or "no big deal" after 8 beers, and if everybody else is doing it. Things tend to become amplified when you're in a situation like that, and drunk. You're easily manipulated and coerced.
> 
> Unlike many of you who have posted in this, I actually don't believe that if someone is going to cheat, it doesn't matter where they are. I DO actually believe that you could have zero intentions of cheating at home, have no intentions of cheating while on vacation with your friends, and still end up doing something that crosses the line. It is more likely to happen on a vacation with friends, outside of your state/country than a girls/guys night out here at home.
> 
> Would I tell my wife she couldn't go on one of these? No. Would I let her know I wasn't comfortable? Probably.
> 
> More importantly, I would inquire as to WHY she felt she needed to do this. To go have expensive fun without me. I understand the need to not always be with your partner, but I don't understand the need to take the opportunity to relive your single years (whether anything happens or not, planned or unplanned). Single life is in the past.


Guess this sorta says it all Alexm


----------



## John Lee

mace17 said:


> I really can't believe some of the comments on here. Being married means giving up your freedom? It's marriage, not slavery! If you have to keep your wife on a short leash to keep her at all, then you have much bigger problems. The tighter you try to hold on, the more she will want to escape. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she will and if not, you can't do a darn thing about it anyway. She still has a mind and free will, and a wife is not a possession.


Um, yes, sorry. Marriage means giving up some "freedoms." You know what the difference is between marriage and slavery? No one forces you to get married, it's a choice you make.

Of course, some couples are fine with separate travel and some aren't. But I don't think someone who isn't ok with it is some kind of slavemaster.


----------



## alexm

John Lee said:


> Um, yes, sorry. Marriage means giving up some "freedoms." You know what the difference is between marriage and slavery? No one forces you to get married, it's a choice you make.
> 
> Of course, some couples are fine with separate travel and some aren't. But I don't think someone who isn't ok with it is some kind of slavemaster.


Disagree! It's not so much giving up freedoms as it is changing your lifestyle. Once you are in a committed relationship or marriage, there are things that are no longer appropriate (and those things are decided by both parties). Things HAVE to change, it's expected, and should be anticipate by both people. The difference being, is that sometimes there is one partner who views this as "no longer being able to do what I want" and they take offense to that. They shouldn't be married, in reality.

So it's not about "freedom" so much as it is about respecting your partners boundaries. If doing so makes one feel trapped or that you no longer are free to do what you want, then they should still be single, imo. Everybody's boundaries are different, however we, as partners, should accept what our partners boundaries are, and vice versa. Granted, some people take these boundaries way beyond what is reasonable, and at that point, the other has a choice to live with it, or leave.

My rule of thumb is that I won't do something that would make my wife uncomfortable, and I would never do or say something while not in her presence, that I wouldn't do or say if she was right there next to me.

She had no problem with me going to a strip bar for my bachelor party (I had little interest, but that's where the boys were bringing me...). While there, I kept my hands to myself (even when my hands were being guided by the girls...). It's not something I'd have done if my wife was sitting right next to me, so I wasn't going to do it just because she wasn't. On more than one occasion, I had to gently let the girl know that I'm just there to have a good time, not to "have a good time". Some of them thought I was lame, some understood. The ones who thought I was lame, I could care less. One of them even called me boring, and a couple of other not-so-nice names, as she practically stormed away. I told her to go **** herself. (not proud of that, but it was funny!). They're there to make a living, and I actually respect that, regardless of what it is they're doing. But like in any place of business, whatever the business is, you don't talk to customers or potential customers like that because they don't want what you're selling. A few of the girls who didn't throw a hissy fit at me, actually stuck around and chatted for a while, and I even found one or two of them rather engaging, and they walked away with their dignity intact, imo.

(on a side note, ladies, strip joints for bachelor parties are not a great idea... Even though my wife was okay with it, I could have got into some real trouble if I had wanted to... Once those girls know you're the "man of honor", and that your friends are covering the bill, there's not a whole lot they won't do, trust me. In fact, in my case, I can't think of one thing that couldn't have happened, or wasn't offered to me... Ugh. Strippers are gross.)


----------



## tennisstar

I travel sometimes for work, alone without my husband. My husband knows to trust me and has never had a problem. Most of the time, we spend many hours working, then go out for dinner. By that time, I'm tired and usually head back to my room. I was single for many years and was always too tired from work to check out men at the bar in towns where I traveled. 

As far as vacations, I don't vacation without my husband. I did go on a girls tennis weekend one time and had a good time, but it was with 20 women and we never left the condos where we were staying. We did drink a little, but it wasn't a party atmosphere. We didn't check out men. We played tennis and hung out.

If my husband didn't want me to travel for work, it would probably cause me to have to look for other work, probably with lower pay. I make 2.5 times my husband, so I don't think he wants me to find other work. If I was a big partied, maybe he would worry. However, I am not a partied or a cheater, so no reason for him to worry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RandomDude

It's a matter of trust


----------



## Rebfjecca

I don't have the energy.


----------



## MrK

RandomDude said:


> It's a matter of trust


It can also be a matter of deceit. Making trust moot.


----------



## Caribbean Man

It depends on a number of things.

The environment / dynamic that exist in the marriage , the vacation destination [ some destinations are notoriously cheaters paradise. Anything goes.],etc.


----------



## tacoma

tulsy said:


> My buddy literally just got back from a job in Barbados. While there, he met 2 married ladies, one late 20's the other early 30's, but on holiday without their husbands. Both women picked up and brought local men back to the hotel on multiple evenings. Their husbands have no idea.


Today I'm ashamed to say it especially on this board but in my twenties these women were my bread & butter.

I never met a married woman vacationing with her BFF's that wasn't looking for strange.

Of course those that weren't looking I wouldn't have met anyway but this is a much bigger thing than most people realize.

It's the status quo down here.

The hotel I work at now has the recreation guys (Beach boys) working around the clock 

They love their jobs.


----------



## OhGeesh

This board skews opinions! If you read too much of this tuff you start to think everyone is cheating on everyone, everyone is a decietful liar, and that you must snoop, check, and question everything then requestions.

I'm sorry, but that is truly a miserable way to live! My wife goes on trips ALL THE TIME by herself. Medical missions to Africa, Haiti, Mexico City, and she is gone for 7-10 days everytime. She could cheat on me from sunrise to sunset if she wanted too.

She also goes on business trips for work every 6-8 weeks with males and females from work. She could cheat on me too then.

You guys really worry about this stuff that much? That's exhausting.


----------



## ReformedHubby

OhGeesh said:


> This board skews opinions! If you read too much of this tuff you start to think everyone is cheating on everyone, everyone is a decietful liar, and that you must snoop, check, and question everything then requestions.
> 
> I'm sorry, but that is truly a miserable way to live! My wife goes on trips ALL THE TIME by herself. Medical missions to Africa, Haiti, Mexico City, and she is gone for 7-10 days everytime. She could cheat on me from sunrise to sunset if she wanted too.
> 
> She also goes on business trips for work every 6-8 weeks with males and females from work. She could cheat on me too then.
> 
> You guys really worry about this stuff that much? That's exhausting.


Medical missions and work travel are fine. I think myself and others have issues with girls only vacations to places where partying is really the only activity to engage in. Its kind of a moot point though. If you're married to someone that wants to go to these places without you, you chose poorly.

Its not so much that all wives are untrustworthy, its just that certain trips and activities have obvious outcomes. Take me for example. I'm happily married and have remained faithful for over a decade. With all this if you were to put me in Amsterdam. I am 100% certain I would smoke pot and make use of the red light district. I'm honest with myself. The problem is most people aren't. They really don't know what they'll do if the opportunity presents itself. Most cheaters, myself included didn't wake up knowing they were going to cheat on that fateful day.


----------



## Shiksa

all these comments makes me really appreciate my H. I travel for work sometimes and alone. AND to Vegas. I also go on an annual girl's weekend with my friends from college. Cheating has never even crossed my mind. I also don't put myself in situation that could in any way be construed as risky. Now, if he told me I couldn't go because he was worried I would cheat, then I would have a problem, because that would tell me we have big problems that don't involve my travel.


----------



## soccermom2three

I go to two girl weekends a year. One to a spa in La Quinta and the other is usually a vacation-y type of place. We try to do something different every time. We've done Vegas once. Next year we are going to Napa. 

We are pretty nerdy and usually try to check out any tourist spots. When we went to San Diego, we went on a tour of the USS Midway. HUGE pickup place if you're looking for 70 to 80 year old men.


----------



## larry.gray

Shiksa said:


> all these comments makes me really appreciate my H. I travel for work sometimes and alone. AND to Vegas. I also go on an annual girl's weekend with my friends from college. Cheating has never even crossed my mind. I also don't put myself in situation that could in any way be construed as risky. Now, if he told me I couldn't go because he was worried I would cheat, then I would have a problem, because that would tell me we have big problems that don't involve my travel.


There is a big difference between going for work and going on a 'girls only' trip without your spouse. My wife and I both travel for work. I go far more often than she does. We have to trust each other, otherwise both of our careers would hurt for it. 

OTOH, if either of us wanted to vacation without the other, it would be a major issue no doubt.


----------



## alexm

ReformedHubby said:


> Its not so much that all wives are untrustworthy, its just that certain trips and activities have obvious outcomes. Take me for example. I'm happily married and have remained faithful for over a decade. With all this if you were to put me in Amsterdam. I am 100% certain I would smoke pot and make use of the red light district. I'm honest with myself. The problem is most people aren't. They really don't know what they'll do if the opportunity presents itself. Most cheaters, myself included didn't wake up knowing they were going to cheat on that fateful day.


That's it right there. You just said what most of us are likely too scared to. I trust myself, and I trust my wife. Neither of us have any intention of screwing up what we have. But if you find yourself in a place/time/frame of mind, anything CAN happen. Doesn't mean it WILL (therefore you do have to have some trust in your partner). But it can, and does, happen to people who have absolutely no intention of doing anything. Alcohol (and drugs) + where you are + the vibe of the place + the people who are there, can = trouble for even the last person one would think would do anything to jeopardize their relationship. It's just fact. You lose much, or all, of your mental capacity when under the influence, and decision making becomes much more based around fun, instead of responsibility. It makes you live in the moment.

It's an entirely different form of cheating than the pre-meditated and planned kind. In the end, it's no better, or no more justified. Throwing a 30-something year old married man or woman into a party atmosphere in which many of the people attending ARE looking for some fun, and then adding too much alcohol can make even the happily married do things they wouldn't have ever thought they would, or could.


----------



## ReformedHubby

alexm said:


> It's an entirely different form of cheating than the pre-meditated and planned kind. In the end, it's no better, or no more justified. Throwing a 30-something year old married man or woman into a party atmosphere in which many of the people attending ARE looking for some fun, and then adding too much alcohol can make even the happily married do things they wouldn't have ever thought they would, or could.


I don't blame the posters who are naieve about this. It really is hard to conceptualize that you would ever do anything stupid if you don't have any intent on doing it. I wouldn't recommend it, but those of us who have screwed up in some ways are stronger. We don't try and fool ourselves into believing we have the strength to to turn away from temptation. We know we are weak.


----------



## Boottothehead

I work in hr, and I go on several recruiting trips a year. Some are even with male colleagues! The husband is in marketing, and HE travels too, sometimes with his blonde, female boss. But, we trust each other. We also take time during the day to text or call and let the other partner know that we're okay (and thinking of them). And, we've done the social events at conventions too, in Vegas, DC, or at casinos here in Oklahoma. Are there temptations? Sure. But nothing that's worth ruining the good thing waiting back at home.


----------



## OhGeesh

ReformedHubby said:


> Medical missions and work travel are fine. I think myself and others have issues with girls only vacations to places where partying is really the only activity to engage in. Its kind of a moot point though. If you're married to someone that wants to go to these places without you, you chose poorly.
> 
> Its not so much that all wives are untrustworthy, its just that certain trips and activities have obvious outcomes. Take me for example. I'm happily married and have remained faithful for over a decade. With all this if you were to put me in Amsterdam. I am 100% certain I would smoke pot and make use of the red light district. I'm honest with myself. The problem is most people aren't. They really don't know what they'll do if the opportunity presents itself. Most cheaters, myself included didn't wake up knowing they were going to cheat on that fateful day.


Well if you are naive to think that people only cheat in "party" places then I don't know what to say. When I cheated I knew exactly what I was doing and would plan it weeks sometimes months out. I would have alibis, talk about my deep sea fishing trip for weeks before, plan everything to a capital T, so there would be no suspiscion. I would even bring fish home  So, see you and I are totally different. This was all pre marriage, but cheating none the less.

My wife could cheat on any business trip, any trip abroad, shoot when I'm away. If she does she does and if she doesn't she doesn't. I'm not going to constantly wonder, perserverate, question, her every move.

She could go to NYC tomorrow I'd be fine with it.


----------

