# Husband is "gone"



## gwencooper911 (Feb 21, 2016)

My husband is stressed/ depressed and emotionally detached. He is always negative about everything, irritated with anything I say or do and just flat out has no say in anything anymore. Everyday is a bad day for him and be blames it on his "bad luck". I know that our financial problems has a lot to do with the way he is feeling too. 

I feel like I am trying my best to make him feel less stress. I was working part time and taking college classes last school semester. He demanded that I quit school and go back to working full time. I compromised and decided to take weekend classes so that I could continue my education and work more hours. I am currently working 35 hrs. a week and 5 hrs. Saturday class. 

Husband tells me I suck at life and useless around the house (but he says its ok because so does he). He recently told me that he thinks I should workout since "I am out of shape and going down hill fast" and "he still looks the same as he did in high school" (we were high school sweethearts). I am 5' and 108lbs. I may not be fit but I wouldn't consider myself "going down hill fast".

I feel like he thinks that since he brings home the bacon he is entitled to do nothing at home. He does not help around the house or help our kid with homework. As I'm typing and studying for my exam, husband is locked up in the room laughing away at videos on his phone. I AM SO ANNOYED. 

What would you do? Men, what is going on with him? Ladies, would you stick around?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Find out who he's seeing.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Find a husband who has more brains than a 4 year old and the maturity of an infant.

Why women stay with these idiots who can't pout the video game away for five minutes is beyond me.


He is a loser. Pick a different one. And that comes from a man like you asked.

At 105 lbs you will have no problem finding someone with a brain in his head


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## Manchester (Oct 7, 2016)

From what I've heard back in my dating days he's rather typical of what's out there. 

The good news is guys like him make guys like me look pretty damn good.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He's jerk. Why would you want to stay with someone who treats you this way?? Divorce.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

*Husband is &quot;gone&quot;*

What does he do for a job ?

You never answered my questions when I tried to help you in February. 

Are the bills getting paid?

If you increased school hours when would you graduate as an RN?

Are you a Torchwood fan?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Manchester said:


> From what I've heard back in my dating days he's rather typical of what's out there.
> 
> 
> 
> The good news is guys like him make guys like me look pretty damn good.




Where you "Agenda"? I think you bothered this poor lady last time she posted.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Have you communicated this to him? Ask him, "Do you want me to leave?" See what he says. Let him know you refuse to tolerate this emotional abuse. Why isn't he supportive of you trying to better yourself? I know first hand what this is like, OP. I am living with a seemingly schizophrenic person. I know how maddening it gets.

Let's answer the obvious questions. What do you want? Would you be willing to live if things continue as they are? Do you want to stay? Do you think he will change? What is your limit? He wouldn't consider counselling?


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## gwencooper911 (Feb 21, 2016)

*Re: Husband is &quot;gone&quot;*



blueinbr said:


> What does he do for a job ?
> 
> You never answered my questions when I tried to help you in February.
> 
> ...


My grandfather passed away after I wrote my last post in Feb. I left town to attend his funeral while my husband and son stayed home. During the 4 days away from my husband I realized that I wanted more. My husband is not a fan of my family and I come from a close family. Seeing the rest of my family from out of town and how close all my cousins were with each other made me see how important family is and how short life was.
I came back and told my husband we needed a break because I did not like the way he was treating me. Our little break only lasted about two weeks because he refused to separate. He told me how heart broken he was and admitted to have a problem (anger and depression). Said he would get help. He changed for a few months but never sought help. 
He has gone back to his old ways again. 
All the bills are getting paid. His job as a mechanic is more than enough to cover bills. My job covers our spending money, such as groceries, going out, any wants. We are both in our early 30s and he feels like his life has been a waste because he cant have nice things. Like, a motorcycle, dirt bikes, cars, etc. I told him we are still young and a little sacrifice now will pay off in the near future.
I am about 2 years away from finishing school and getting my RN.


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## gwencooper911 (Feb 21, 2016)

EunuchMonk said:


> Have you communicated this to him? Ask him, "Do you want me to leave?" See what he says. Let him know you refuse to tolerate this emotional abuse. Why isn't he supportive of you trying to better yourself? I know first hand what this is like, OP. I am living with a seemingly schizophrenic person. I know how maddening it gets.
> 
> Let's answer the obvious questions. What do you want? Would you be willing to live if things continue as they are? Do you want to stay? Do you think he will change? What is your limit? He wouldn't consider counselling?


I have asked him if he wanted me to leave. He is the type to say “do whatever you want” or “it doesn’t matter”. And it frustrates me. 
I want him to change. Will he ever change though? Would money take all his problems away? I don’t know. I do not want to walk out on him especially if he is depressed. I want to support him through his tough times but it is draining my happiness. I don’t think he would consider counselling. He is very private and believes that counselling is just a waste of money.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

*Husband is &quot;gone&quot;*

He is emotionally abusive. Money wont solve his problems. 

He is immature. He values material things such dirt bikes more than you.

It took me 24 years to get my wife to go to counseling.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I'm not a man, but he's a d**k. That's what wrong with him. Seriously, he sounds immature and has a mean streak. Just wait until he doesn't look the same as he did in high school. I doubt that he still does anyway. 

How much longer do you have to get your degree?


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Husbands are replaceable. Your one and only guaranteed life is not. Find a new husband. Many of us on here, including me, have divorced our POS spouses and are much happier now. Don't be one of the posters who stayed miserable for 20+ years or is still miserable. Regret is a horrible thing.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Is there something causing him a great deal of stress?

He sounds really immature and obnoxious, but is there more going on?


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## AlphaMale74 (Oct 15, 2014)

Depression big time. How old is he? I know hormones can have a huge effect on how a man feels emotionally and physically. I know this seems too simple or a cop-out, but ask him to get his testosterone checked. If it's low, it can cause depression, lethargy, stress, low libido, etc, etc. I was there about five years ago and since I've been on TRT my life, attitude, energy, physical appearance, and relationship with my wife has greatly improved. Just a suggestion.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

gwencooper911 said:


> Husband tells me I suck at life and useless around the house


Your husband sounds like a fvcking LOSER and a dirtbag.



gwencooper911 said:


> He recently told me that he thinks I should workout since "I am out of shape and going down hill fast".... I am 5' and 108lbs.


I LOVE petite girls and so do many other men. You'll have no problem replacing this jackass.



gwencooper911 said:


> What would you do? Men, what is going on with him?


He treats you like sh!t because he's convinced you'll NEVER leave him because he's the bread winner.

You want to fix this? BREAK him of that delusion. Slap him with divorce papers and watch him BEG you for another chance.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

The other guys are right. Whether you know it or not, You are in high high demand. Smart, hard worker, have goals in life, and a nurse to boot. Don't let your H make you believe otherwise.

You can replace him in a second. Him, doubt he can replace you with anything half as good.

So, why are you sticking around? You should be less concerned about him and more concerned with why you put up with that. 

Don't try to fix him. You cannot change someone else. You can only change yourself or change how you react to him.

Get your degree as fast as you can. 

FWIW, I truly believe that he wanted you to slow down on the degree so as to reduce your options. (A normal husband would encourage his wife to success and help out as much as possible for you to finish your degree sooner. ) He must know that once you have your degree you have no need for him and can leave at any time. And do much better than him.

Concerning this --> "I came back and told my husband we needed a break because I did not like the way he was treating me. Our little break only lasted about two weeks because he refused to separate. He told me how heart broken he was and admitted to have a problem (anger and depression). Said he would get help. He changed for a few months but never sought help. He has gone back to his old ways again. "--> He manipulated you to get his way. He took advantage of your emotions to make you keep him. He has NO INTEREST in changing.


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