# What makes you feel desired ?



## K_reyna (Jul 7, 2021)

Hello. I'm curious especially about women, but of course men too, what makes you feel desired? Mostly sexually but even in general.. How do you feel if your partner doesn't show sexual interest in you, or not as often as you would want, or even reject having sex with you. When that happens in my relationship, I feel very bad and undesired then he says it's my inferiority, paranoia and anxiety that speaks which in my opinion is just his frustration thrown on me plus, it's totally normal to want to feel desired as woman. What would your react be if your partner does that to you? Or it may be the best case that you have a happy relationship and your needs are met, then what works for you? I'm simply curious about other couples perspective


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

I never experience sexual rejection from my wife but if this did happen it would be totally devastating to me and would hurt my self-esteem.

WE love each other and we crave each other both romantically and sexually. I kiss her, tell her she is so beautiful and sexy which both true and honest. I tell her I feel so privileged and special to share my life with her and **** her. She turns me on so much.


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## K_reyna (Jul 7, 2021)

Well that's a lucky woman. If only there would be more men like you (assuming you're a man) , many relationships would work better. 
I had lots of times when I was rejected, also when I was not.. But I feel very low self esteem for this reason.


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## romantic_dreamer (Jun 15, 2021)

K_reyna said:


> Well that's a lucky woman. If only there would be more men like you (assuming you're a man) , many relationships would work better.
> I had lots of times when I was rejected, also when I was not.. But I feel very low self esteem for this reason.


No, I am a lucky man who is lucky to share the life and the bed with the woman who never rejects me. This really feels great and makes our sex life very special.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

I honestly can’t say as I don’t feel sexually desired in my marriage. With that said what would make me feel sexually desired would be if my wife would come up and gently grab or caress my crouch, or tell me to take my pants off, or just come up to me, take my pants off, and go to town on me, or even just tell me outright her desire for me and what she wants to do with me.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

When I think about it, the list of things she does that makes me feel sexually desired is very long. There are so many little things, mostly revolving around touch. When cuddling up to go to sleep she will snuggle herself up against me spoon style giving her butt a little wiggle into my crotch. She will take my hand and put in on her breast. She will actively seek out my hand so she can hold it while we sleep. Sometimes she will wake me in the morning by gently stroking my erection. As we wake up she will come lay on top of me giving my penis a little kiss then snuggling it between her breasts. We sleep naked BTW. Those are just some of the ways she makes me feel desired, and that is just while laying in bed to go to sleep or wake up, lol. There are other things throughout the entire day. 

I believe I get a lot of that because I also show her how much I desire her too, all the time. I hug her and caress her at every opportunity. I genuinely compliment her. I like to take one body part, could be anything from her toes to her hair to her sexy butt, and tell her how cute it is and why it is one of the many things I love about her body, then kiss it if appropriate for the current situation. I massage her regularly. Again, the list could go on. 

We have showing physical desire for each other fully ingrained in our every day life and it has been that way for our entire 32+ year marriage. In fact it has been that way since the first time we had sex almost 35 years ago.


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## K_reyna (Jul 7, 2021)

Very nice. You guys really do know how to make your woman happy. 
Me and my husband have a different culture, in his culture physical affection in relationship isn't seen as a mandatory thing nor they do feel comfortable about it. But for me it is a problem, when I try to make out with him, he pull himself back trying to escape from the kiss, then he says he feels uncomfortable or my mouth smells or its not good timing or others excuses. On top of that he expects me to understand him about this. How on earth I can understand him when he litterally breaks my confidence and makes me feel as if kissing me isn't a pleasure. It hurts so much and I am not willing to understand or accept this. I don't think there's any woman who would be ok with this kind of behavior. From a man perspective, I wanna know what you think about this. Would you ever do this to your woman? Is it more understandable if it's a culture thing?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

K_reyna said:


> Very nice. You guys really do know how to make your woman happy.
> Me and my husband have a different culture, in his culture physical affection in relationship isn't seen as a mandatory thing nor they do feel comfortable about it. But for me it is a problem, when I try to make out with him, he pull himself back trying to escape from the kiss, then he says he feels uncomfortable or my mouth smells or its not good timing or others excuses. On top of that he expects me to understand him about this. How on earth I can understand him when he litterally breaks my confidence and makes me feel as if kissing me isn't a pleasure. It hurts so much and I am not willing to understand or accept this. I don't think there's any woman who would be ok with this kind of behavior. From a man perspective, I wanna know what you think about this. Would you ever do this to your woman? Is it more understandable if it's a culture thing?


Would I do this to my wife? Never, but my culture is different than your husband's. It is hard to break down something like this that is culturally instilled in a person their entire life. This is an incompatibility between the two of you and it is unlikely you will ever change it. Actually, you will never change it, only he can do that. That is unlikely to happen since he probably doesn't see it as a problem, after all, he sees himself as completely normal and doing what his cultural upbringing has taught him.

Have you explained to him how you feel about it? Are you from a different cultural background than him? Did you not recognize this trait prior to marriage?


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## K_reyna (Jul 7, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Would I do this to my wife? Never, but my culture is different than your husband's. It is hard to break down something like this that is culturally instilled in a person their entire life. This is an incompatibility between the two of you and it is unlikely you will ever change it. Actually, you will never change it, only he can do that. That is unlikely to happen since he probably doesn't see it as a problem, after all, he sees himself as completely normal and doing what his cultural upbringing has taught him.
> 
> Have you explained to him how you feel about it? Are you from a different cultural background than him? Did you not recognize this trait prior to marriage?



Yes I explained to him and there are moments when he is more affectionate , he knows that for me it is a problem and he says he tries to change but it's hard to keep as it is not natural for him so he kind of bounce back to his initial habit again and again. I knew this before marriage but we married one year after dating while it was still "honeymoon phase" I guess and we were still enough happy together.
I have doubts about this marriage, I don't think we can continue if things will stay the same.
I wish a man who can make me happy and meet my needs. Now that I asked this question here, I could confirm that this kind of men exist.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

K_reyna said:


> Very nice. You guys really do know how to make your woman happy.
> Me and my husband have a different culture, *in his culture physical affection in relationship isn't seen as a mandatory* thing nor they do feel comfortable about it. But for me it is a problem, when I try to make out with him, *he pull himself back trying to escape from the kiss*, then he says he feels uncomfortable or my mouth smells or its not good timing or others excuses. On top of that he expects me to understand him about this. How on earth I can understand him when he litterally breaks my confidence and makes me feel as if kissing me isn't a pleasure. *It hurts so much and I am not willing to understand or accept this.* I don't think there's any woman who would be ok with this kind of behavior. *From a man perspective, I wanna know what you think about this. Would you ever do this to your woman?* Is it more understandable if it's a culture thing?


From a man's perspective, I would never do that to a woman I wanted to be intimate with or that I loved.

You have talked to him about this and he hasn't been moved to change himself and his behavior toward you. That says a lot.

Yes, I am sure it is a cultural thing and that is sad.

I wish you luck.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

When you speak to him about this what does he mean when he says it’s your “inferiority”?


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## K_reyna (Jul 7, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> From a man's perspective, I would never do that to a woman I wanted to be intimate with or that I loved.
> 
> You have talked to him about this and he hasn't been moved to change himself and his behavior toward you. That says a lot.
> 
> ...


Right? If you love a woman, why would there be so many excuses.
Thanks for your perspective.


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## K_reyna (Jul 7, 2021)

Lotsofheart73 said:


> When you speak to him about this what does he mean when he says it’s your “inferiority”?


When I get mad after a rejection, and react badly (cuz ofc it frustrates me), he tries to give me an explanation as for why he did that and I usually refuse to listen to that and continue to be mad so he says I'm following my emotions of anxiety and inferiority and not paying attention to what he says. Those feelings appear, but that's because I was rejected.


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## Lotsofheart73 (Oct 13, 2021)

Sorry to hear the situation you are in. It sounds like a cycle if you getting mad, him trying a tiny bit, them him reverting back to his normal ways and the so on.
If this is they was he was raised and has been this way all of his life, it will be hard for him to change unless he really & truly wants to. I’m not familiar with your culture. It is hard for me to imagine a husband that does not want to be physical behind closed doors. Do you have anyone in your family or his that you can speak with for advice, without being too awkward?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

K_reyna said:


> Hello. I'm curious especially about women, but of course men too, what makes you feel desired? Mostly sexually but even in general.. How do you feel if your partner doesn't show sexual interest in you, or not as often as you would want, or even reject having sex with you. When that happens in my relationship, I feel very bad and undesired then he says it's my inferiority, paranoia and anxiety that speaks which in my opinion is just his frustration thrown on me plus, it's totally normal to want to feel desired as woman. What would your react be if your partner does that to you? Or it may be the best case that you have a happy relationship and your needs are met, then what works for you? I'm simply curious about other couples perspective


In a few minutes it'll be a BLT and french fries. That'll do it.


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## karmagoround (Aug 27, 2021)

romantic_dreamer said:


> I never experience sexual rejection from my wife but if this did happen it would be totally devastating to me and would hurt my self-esteem.
> 
> WE love each other and we crave each other both romantically and sexually. I kiss her, tell her she is so beautiful and sexy which both true and honest. I tell her I feel so privileged and special to share my life with her and **** her. She turns me on so much.


Lucky you.


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## karmagoround (Aug 27, 2021)

K_reyna said:


> Hello. I'm curious especially about women, but of course men too, what makes you feel desired? Mostly sexually but even in general.. How do you feel if your partner doesn't show sexual interest in you, or not as often as you would want, or even reject having sex with you. When that happens in my relationship, I feel very bad and undesired then he says it's my inferiority, paranoia and anxiety that speaks which in my opinion is just his frustration thrown on me plus, it's totally normal to want to feel desired as woman. What would your react be if your partner does that to you? Or it may be the best case that you have a happy relationship and your needs are met, then what works for you? I'm simply curious about other couples perspective


That depends on what's going on. In the case of someone with a low labido, one shouldn't feel rejection as long as affection is still there.


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

I would suggest you reading the book on understanding what peoples love languages are. Your husband’s love language maybe different to yours.


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## Rayr44 (6 mo ago)

The book is called the five love languages.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

BigDaddyNY said:


> When I think about it, the list of things she does that makes me feel sexually desired is very long. There are so many little things, mostly revolving around touch. When cuddling up to go to sleep she will snuggle herself up against me spoon style giving her butt a little wiggle into my crotch. She will take my hand and put in on her breast. She will actively seek out my hand so she can hold it while we sleep. Sometimes she will wake me in the morning by gently stroking my erection. As we wake up she will come lay on top of me giving my penis a little kiss then snuggling it between her breasts. We sleep naked BTW. Those are just some of the ways she makes me feel desired, and that is just while laying in bed to go to sleep or wake up, lol. There are other things throughout the entire day.
> 
> I believe I get a lot of that because I also show her how much I desire her too, all the time. I hug her and caress her at every opportunity. I genuinely compliment her. I like to take one body part, could be anything from her toes to her hair to her sexy butt, and tell her how cute it is and why it is one of the many things I love about her body, then kiss it if appropriate for the current situation. I massage her regularly. Again, the list could go on.
> 
> We have showing physical desire for each other fully ingrained in our every day life and it has been that way for our entire 32+ year marriage. In fact it has been that way since the first time we had sex almost 35 years ago.


Sounds like we are brothers of old. Cut from the same cloth. So are the wives. I do like that little booty wiggling/crotch action. That is one of her ways of initiating. She keeps wiggling that ass.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I was going to have some fun but your situation is sad.

My wife and I both show our desire for each other with physical affection every day unless separated by work, etc.

We also express our love and desire for each other in words every day.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> Sounds like we are brothers of old. Cut from the same cloth. So are the wives. I do like that little booty wiggling/crotch action. That is one of her ways of initiating. She keeps wiggling that ass.


I think it is because we have wives that are comfortable with being a sexual creature, as we all should be. They have a healthy and positive attitude about their sexuality and they also happen to have the hots for their husbands, lol. They aren't afraid to show their desire and attraction.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I think it is because we have wives that are comfortable with being a sexual creature, as we all should be. They have a healthy and positive attitude about their sexuality and they also happen to have the hots for their husbands, lol. They aren't afraid to show their desire and attraction.


Having a wife who is actually interested in sex would make any guys life better. Not just a "going thru the motions" or "duty sex" makes all the difference in the world.

And that showing of attraction has to be in a sexual sense, not just telling them or saying they love them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

K_reyna said:


> Very nice. You guys really do know how to make your woman happy.
> Me and my husband have a different culture, in his culture physical affection in relationship isn't seen as a mandatory thing nor they do feel comfortable about it. But for me it is a problem, when I try to make out with him, he pull himself back trying to escape from the kiss, then he says he feels uncomfortable or my mouth smells or its not good timing or others excuses. On top of that he expects me to understand him about this. How on earth I can understand him when he litterally breaks my confidence and makes me feel as if kissing me isn't a pleasure. It hurts so much and I am not willing to understand or accept this. I don't think there's any woman who would be ok with this kind of behavior. From a man perspective, I wanna know what you think about this. Would you ever do this to your woman? Is it more understandable if it's a culture thing?


Would mind sharing with us what his culture is and what yours is so that we can understand better what's going on?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Having a wife who is actually interested in sex would make any guys life better. Not just a "going thru the motions" or "duty sex" makes all the difference in the world.
> 
> And that showing of attraction has to be in a sexual sense, not just telling them or saying they love them.


There are a fair number of men who don't really like it when their wife is interested in an active sex life. It's far more common than most people seem to realize. @K_reyna is married to a man who is not interested.

@K_reyna - Here's a link to a thread that addresses your issue. It's a very long thread. Read at least the first few pages because they contain a lot of info that you might find helpful.

(2) The Sex Starved Wife | Talk About Marriage


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> There are a fair number of men who don't really like it when their wife is interested in an active sex life. It's far more common than most people seem to realize. @K_reyna is married to a man who is not interested.
> 
> @K_reyna - Here's a link to a thread that addresses your issue. It's a very long thread. Read at least the first few pages because they contain a lot of info that you might find helpful.
> 
> (2) The Sex Starved Wife | Talk About Marriage


Thats too bad as there are likely just as many that are.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Thats too bad as there are likely just as many that are.


What I found interesting, is in that OP the stats say nearly 2/3 of men said they stopped having sex because their wife didn't seem interested in sex. I doubt the wife is complaining in those situations.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

BigDaddyNY said:


> What I found interesting, is in that OP the stats say nearly 2/3 of men said they stopped having sex because their wife didn't seem interested in sex. I doubt the wife is complaining in those situations.


The survey was taken by men whose wives were in counseling with the major complaint that their husband refused to have sex with them. So, if we believe that 61% of the wives did not enjoy sex, then 61% of the women seeking counseling for sexless marriages did not enjoy sex but were complaining that there was no sex?

I was married to a guy who refused to have sex with me for years. I am high drive. I love sex, the more the better. The only time I ever turned down any advances from him was when I was very ill. I also initiated about half the time. From what I could tell, he used withholding sex as a way to punish me. He was abusive in other ways as well. But withholding sex was one of his major ways of doing this.

Turned out that he was cheating like crazy. Not only was he cheating, I also found out that he was going around telling the women he cheated with and others that I was withholding sex. It was his way to gain sympathy and to get people to excuse his cheating. After all who could blame a guy for cheating if his wife didn't even want sex? Right?

At least half of the guys in that survey were cheating. All the while their wives could not figure out why their husband did not want sex. clearly the husbands were getting the sex they wanted elsewhere. And then they could use withholding as a way to mess with their wife.

*@K_reyna *, your husband is withholding sex and then attacks your verbally if you try to talk to him about how it's hurting you. I don't know if he's cheating. But he is definitely withholding sex as a passive aggressive way to attack you emotionally. It's how he expresses 'power' in your relationship. He can withhold sex, feel superior to you, and put you in your place by acting like he's the victim of he claims to be your inferiority, paranoia and anxiety.

I can't tell you what to do. But I can tell you what I did. I divorced my husband who was playing this very nasty, mean-spirited game. I've never regretted the divorce.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

*From a man perspective, I wanna know what you think about this. *
I think it sounds like cruelty to me. His behavior seems quite unusual to me.

*Would you ever do this to your woman?* 
No of course I would never treat my wife this way. Any time she wants to "make out" she has an enthusiastic partner.

*Is it more understandable if it's a culture thing?*
No, it is totally not understandable to me. I can't envision such a culture. But there are a lot of customs in this world that are totally foreign to me.


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