# husband's obsession with electronics



## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

I've posted my marriage issues in another thread but one thing in particular I wanted to get advice about his my husbands "hobbies". My husband is obsessed with electronic gadgets. He spends every waking moment he is not at work either video gaming, on his ipad or in front of the TV. we have TVs in the living room, kitchen and bedroom and all are turned on at all times. Oftentimes he stays up late at night video gaming, and complains the next day about how he didn't sleep and is so tired and has headaches. He often buys games and dvds for the sake of buying them and never takes them out of the packaging. It doesn't seem to interfere with work, he has a good job and makes a 6 figure salary (I do as well), but I seem to be getting the short end of the stick. The only quality time we spend together is for a few hours Saturday night going out to dinner, and the occasional vacation. We are both almost 40 and we do not have kids.

I have dealt with it for a long time by finding my own outlets (I've learned that begging and nagging doesn't work). Our house is a complete mess (which I take half the blame as I have adhd and organization is not my forte). The junk and papers have gotten out of control. I am finding I am very lonely and bored and often fantasize about romantic interactions with others. I dont' want my life to be like this 10 or 20 years from now. I am highly educated, physically attractive and personable but I feel like I am living my life as a hermit for lack of a better word. 

Does anyone know how I can pull my husband out of this "obsession" and into the real world?


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

toomuchtotell said:


> Does anyone know how I can pull my husband out of this "obsession" and into the real world?


With professional help.


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

CallaLily said:


> With professional help.


How do I get him there? He would never voluntarily seek out professional help.


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## SkyHigh (Jun 17, 2012)

Ultimatum?

He has an addiction. It needs to be treated just like any other.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You tell him that you can't live that way any longer. Either he cares or he doesn't.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

toomuchtotell said:


> How do I get him there? He would never voluntarily seek out professional help.


Tell him you will leave otherwise, and tell him what you told us. You are having fantasies about having an actual romantic life, and you can't see yourself living like this for another 10-20 years. 

I might qualify as an "electronic addict" like your husband. However, I often get sick of it, and do something else. Doesn't he ever do that?


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Get him some real paper back copies of _H.D. Thoreau _or _Edward Abbey_. Join the *Sierra Club *and sign up for some group day hikes in locales as far from civilization as is practicable.

As a general rule, _Sahara Clubbers _are some pretty good hippies and will collectively ostracize the use of any electronic devices during the expedition whose brand names generally begin with lower case letters and are followed by a nonsensical reference to a legume seed vessel or small herd of marine animals.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

SpinDaddy...how would that help the situation? No one will just suddenly be like "oh yay, you signed us up for the Sierra Club and now I'm so over these little gadgets I am clearly addicted to!"


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

Thanks all for the responses!



Theseus said:


> I might qualify as an "electronic addict" like your husband. However, I often get sick of it, and do something else. Doesn't he ever do that?


yes, that's when he sleeps for 2-3 hours on the couch or bed. If he had his way (which he most often does) he would spend the whole weekend gaming, ipad-ing, watching tv and sleeping. Even when he's in the shower he has music or movies playing on the ipad. 

Ok so as I mentioned, we do go out to dinner on average once a week. Sometimes out to lunch as well. We do go hiking on occassion. I'd say once or twice a year, it's his idea. The rest of the occassions it's me begging and nagging. Every once in a while he'll join me on a short walk with the dogs around the neighborhood. But it's like, I have to catch him at the right time when he's not completely sucked in to a video game, movie or web surfing session which is usually right after dinner.

When I think it's so horrible i think about my sister whose husband is in Afghanistan and isn't around AT ALL. It's not like my husband doesn't go to work and make a good living every day (although I make plenty to support myself). That makes me think I'm making it into too big a deal and that maybe it would be an exaggeration to accuse him of addiction and give him an ultimatum about getting help. Maybe I should just accept it and enjoy the small amount of time we do spend together.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

My wife told me if I log into my game one more time, she would leave me before I could log out. Poof game was gone.


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

Thumper said:


> My wife told me if I log into my game one more time, she would leave me before I could log out. Poof game was gone.


Really? How much were you playing? Do you have kids?


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

My son and I were playing 20 hours a week, I realized fast it was a problem, your husband might not, but he will if you keep putting it in those terms. Now, I cant play a game if my life depended on it, the guilt is so bad over the time I lost with her I don't think i'll ever play again.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

don't think for one minute that you are making a big deal out of nothing and that it is an exaggeration that this is an addiction.It is affecting you and your relationship so this definitely is an addiction. He is choosing electronics over you, no doubt about it, and it is sad and pathetic that you are playing second fiddle to games. it is sad that he'd rather live in some fake world, then a real one with a warm loving woman.

You already realize that you can't see tolerating this for another 10-20 years. You need to be strong and bold enough to tell your husband that you will not tolerate an empty marriage, which is what he's giving you.

I think the only wake up call that he might listen to is to threaten divorce. You are NOT being petty and making a big deal out of nothing. This is a very real problem. Once you have the fortitude and conviction that you are being majorly jipped in marriage, then this shouldn't be an argument, rather a statement of sad fact - it's either electronics or you. And if he chooses his toys, then you'll know you never had a chance and saved yourself the pain of the next 20 years of lonliness. You deserve a man who is there.

I was out to eat a few weeks ago and saw an entire family of 5 on their ipods while waiting for the food to come. How pathetic.

I was out with my husband at a bar and a couple was at the next table. It looked like a date. They were both on their Ipods. After a few minutes, the guy put his down, sat there for about 5 minutes, and when the girlfriend didn't look up, he picked up his ipod again. nice date.

It's sad and pathetic when people choose their devices over human interaction. You need to let your H know that he is losing you over this. Either he gets help or you need to save yourself.


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## Westwind (May 20, 2013)

Computer Game Addiction - Symptoms, Treatment, & FAQs -
Good description of game addiction and a few suggestions on now to deal with the addiction.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hello Too Much,

I knew you were "too much to handle"... (You know, some TAM members just give an excuse to add some humour into these posts. I take no responsibility what's so ever you know....) 



> I've posted my marriage issues in another thread but one thing in particular I wanted to get advice about his my husbands "hobbies". My husband is obsessed with electronic gadgets. He spends every waking moment he is not at work either video gaming, on his ipad or in front of the TV. we have TVs in the living room, kitchen and bedroom and all are turned on at all times. Oftentimes he stays up late at night video gaming, and complains the next day about how he didn't sleep and is so tired and has headaches. He often buys games and dvds for the sake of buying them and never takes them out of the packaging. It doesn't seem to interfere with work, he has a good job and makes a 6 figure salary (I do as well), but I seem to be getting the short end of the stick. The only quality time we spend together is for a few hours Saturday night going out to dinner, and the occasional vacation. We are both almost 40 and we do not have kids.


You said “Hobbies” I don’t see any of these as REAL “Hobbies”.

*Obsession 1* Playing video games into the early hours is not a hobby 

*Obsession 2* He’s a hoarder of electronic gadgets, and feels the need to purchase the latest and greatest thing out there without using them. I know so many people like that.



> I have dealt with it for a long time by finding my own outlets (I've learned that begging and nagging doesn't work). Our house is a complete mess (which I take half the blame as I have adhd and organization is not my forte). The junk and papers have gotten out of control. I am finding I am very lonely and bored and often fantasize about romantic interactions with others. I dont' want my life to be like this 10 or 20 years from now. I am highly educated, physically attractive and personable but I feel like I am living my life as a hermit for lack of a better word.


It’s NOT just your husband that needs help, your ADHD (or is it ADHD-PI?). If you’re more stressed out at home then work, why go back home to your husband. You see where I’m going with this…. You said it yourself, you’re lonely and if your husband doesn’t change you’ll seek it elsewhere. On top that your house is a mess.



> Does anyone know how I can pull my husband out of this "obsession" and into the real world?


He needs professional help NOW otherwise you won’t have a home to go to.

I have to admit, I’m not that far from your husband, although I don’t play video games, I make them, like those 1980/90’s classic type games. It’s not really an obsession for me, more pleasure. But I can see I’m spending more hours devoting to it and I don’t like it. I need to change that. 

Here are some articles I’ve found that might help you shine a light on your husband’s problem. I think mine to if I'm not careful. Your words spell out not only your husband’s problem but yours as well, and you both need to change that by de-cluttering your home and start leaving a less is more life style.

Obsession articles: 
Obsessed with gadgets? Take a tablet
How Addiction to Electronics Affects the Environment & Our Lives

De-cluttering articles:
10 Creative Ways to De-clutter Your Home 

If I find more I'll update this list.

Regards, FTP


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

IsGirl3 said:


> it is sad that he'd rather live in some fake world, then a real one with a warm loving woman.


Well said.



FlyingThePhoenix said:


> I knew you were "too much to handle"... (You know, some TAM members just give an excuse to add some humour into these posts. I take no responsibility what's so ever you know....)


Hahaha, i needed that laugh today!! I am all about injecting humor into just about everything, so you don't need any excuse to do it in response to my posts. 



> It’s NOT just your husband that needs help, your ADHD (or is it ADHD-PI?)


Yes it's the PI type of ADHD. Struggled with it my entire life. I was seeing a counselor about it and stopped. Just received a referral for another counselor so I will start going again shortly. Because of my problem, and my husbands issues, I feel like we are a match made in hel! with regards to the condition of our home.



> I have to admit, I’m not that far from your husband, although I don’t play video games, I make them, like those 1980/90’s classic type games. It’s not really an obsession for me, more pleasure. But I can see I’m spending more hours devoting to it and I don’t like it. I need to change that.


Well the other night, what hubby was up till 4 am doing was not actually playing a particular game, but "mod-ing" it. He actually has a BA degree in Computer Graphics. Games and visual "screen" based electronics are his passion. I don't want to deny him his passion, but it seems you recognize you need to change where he does not. And thanks for the links, very helpful!


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Hire someone to clean up your messy house....Then tell your husband it is the first step to a new life for both of you. Tell him his gadget habit must be severely curtailed if he expects to stay married to you. 

Spend at least one week end a month away from home, you two can afford it...go on a sort cruise, a marriage retreat, a wilderness fishing camp, or a trip to Vegas....break the old boring cycle..

Life is too short to spend all your time looking at an LCD display...PS....more sex would help a lot......


good luck
the woodchuck


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> Hire someone to clean up your messy house....Then tell your husband it is the first step to a new life for both of you. Tell him his gadget habit must be severely curtailed if he expects to stay married to you.
> 
> Spend at least one week end a month away from home, you two can afford it...go on a sort cruise, a marriage retreat, a wilderness fishing camp, or a trip to Vegas....break the old boring cycle..
> 
> ...


Good suggestions. Regarding sex, yeah we don't have that very much. Not only his fault but mine too. i've had issues with attraction due to the lack of intimicy and emotional connection between us.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Well, here is my two cents worth. On your next night out, talk about it. It is important to do this when you are out in a relaxed setting away from home. Just the two of you. I like the idea of having someone come in and clean your house, this doesn't have to be a one time deal, you can afford someone on a weekly basis. Tell him you are going to do this. Also tell him what you wrote on TAM, maybe make a print off of it. Let him know that this is a problem with you. That you love him, want to spend the rest of your life with him, but as of the way you two are living, you are not with him. Living in the same house and sharing bills is not the same as sharing a life.

Then, maybe you could come up with a compromise. It sounds like he is on computers all day at work, did you not say that is what his degree is in? Does he really need to spend more time on them at home? If he really thinks he does, have him agree to put a time limit on it. One hour - and set the timer. After this he must do x, y & z with you. Also, the constant noise must stop. He needs to give his brain a rest, as well as yours.

It doesn't sound like to me you are ready to offer him an untimatum, so try the comprimise. If this doesn't work, then you may have to rethink your future, whether you are willing to live like this or not. But he really needs to understand how disparing this is for you.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> SpinDaddy...how would that help the situation? No one will just suddenly be like "oh yay, you signed us up for the Sierra Club and now I'm so over these little gadgets I am clearly addicted to!"


*Well Faithful:*

You’re right. No club and no talk doctor is going to make anyone “suddenly” get over any type of an addiction. 

Rather my suggestion is going to: getting the fellow off of his lazy arse, out of the house, off the couch and into the woods where there are no internet cafes, Wi-Fi, and cell coverage.

The Sierra Club is a good group, but there are others and different avenues of passion, but these folks routinely organize day-hiking or camping events in such locales as I’ve described and by-and-large these folks are the types who shun the intrusion of 21st Century gadgetry at such events (except maybe satellite GPS units but that is another story).

If the OP and her husband are clearly not into the “granola set” perhaps they should look into adventure riding (see, e.g., Adventure Rider Motorcycle Forum).

My take on the dilemma is there needs to be a broadening of horizons, an expansion of interests and intellectual curiosity. Hence my suggestion to give the fellow some real literature to read about the outdoors and nature. 

So not to be flip, but it goes back to an observation I once read somewhere: “_You never see a Harley parked in front of a psychiatrist’s office_”.

You’re right, there are no magic cures and silver bullets. In real life everything works in increments – but you gotta’ start somewhere.


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## GingerJack (May 23, 2013)

toomuchtotell said:


> Does anyone know how I can pull my husband out of this "obsession" and into the real world?


He's probably not willing, but you're not really asking the right questions. Why does he spend so much time on games and with gadgets? And really he can't be considered an addict if he has a social life and can keep a job. 

You might try asking him if you can join him. Gaming isn't just for one person you know, and who knows, you might like it. But maybe there's more too it than 'he's what the problem is and he needs to change.' Maybe you have your own faults your not taking into consideration. Try to be in his life rather than say he's the one who's being unreasonable. I know if I told my girlfriend she couldn't go to the gym because I wanted to spend more time with her, I would get a "No", and then it would just make things worse. But instead I'm trying to be with her and her hobbies and seeing what they're like. I now enjoy going to the gym with her, it might not be my favorite thing, but we spend time with each other and have fun because of the compromise.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

GingerJack said:


> He's probably not willing, but you're not really asking the right questions. Why does he spend so much time on games and with gadgets? And really he can't be considered an addict if he has a social life and can keep a job.
> 
> You might try asking him if you can join him. Gaming isn't just for one person you know, and who knows, you might like it. But maybe there's more too it than 'he's what the problem is and he needs to change.' Maybe you have your own faults your not taking into consideration. Try to be in his life rather than say he's the one who's being unreasonable. I know if I told my girlfriend she couldn't go to the gym because I wanted to spend more time with her, I would get a "No", and then it would just make things worse. But instead I'm trying to be with her and her hobbies and seeing what they're like. I now enjoy going to the gym with her, it might not be my favorite thing, but we spend time with each other and have fun because of the compromise.


Really GingerJack? Did you even read her whole post?


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Ouch! JustHer what are you like......


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

So..I told the hubby that I want us to have some real plans for Memorial day weekend. We scheduled a hiking trip for Monday, and I made plans for the both of us to go to a party on saturday. He's all for the hiking trip, but doesn't want to go to the party. He complains that it's an hour away and sounds boring. I tell him I think we should go anyway, it's something to do and he didn't have any better ideas for saturday. I had been asking him for over a week about what he wanted to do over the weekend and he didn't have any answers and this opportuinity fell in my lap. 

So then yesterday I'm talking to a few family members who propose spending the day shopping on Saturday since the weather isn't going to be all that nice. I tell them that hubby and I had plans to go to a party, but he didn't really want to go so I'm sure he'll be glad to be off the hook and can spend the time doing what he wants. So I agree to spend the day shopping and tell my husband this. He then gets mad because now I am leaving him to spend the day alone and he already told everyone he was going to a party. I guess I didn't handle this properly, and maybe instead of going to the party I should have scheduled something else together that we both wanted to do instead of making plans with family? I never get to see my family and we have seen his family almost every weekend over the past month due to mothers day, communions, birthdays etc.. I haven't seen my family in 2 months. He then says he will spend the day going to the art museum without me. I asked him why he didn't suggest the art museum when I asked him a million times what he wanted to do, and he didn't have answer. I feel bad now that I didn't do the right thing


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

GingerJack said:


> You might try asking him if you can join him. Gaming isn't just for one person you know, and who knows, you might like it. But maybe there's more too it than 'he's what the problem is and he needs to change.'


I have spend many, many hours gaming with him over the years because it was the only way to spend time with him. I actually did enjoy it, but I know when to stop!


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Take him shopping with you, then you both go to the museum. Take it while you can, don't let that opportunity pass you by.


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

I have plenty of "toys" and love my electronics too, but they stay in their proper places until I have the spare time to use them. My wife and my responsibilities come first.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

You know "National Unplugging Day?" You don't use any electronics for 24 hours. I think there should be a weekly unplugging, not 24 hours, but maybe 4 or 6 or longer if you want. You connect to something or someone during that time.

I don't like the fact that electronics is such an easy addiction. You have five minutes to play a game and all of a sudden three hours have passed. During that time you've ignored more important things, and lets face it, nothing is LESS important than playing with electronics/technology.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

toomuchtotell said:


> Well said.
> 
> *I agree as well*
> 
> ...


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

JustHer said:


> Really GingerJack? Did you even read her whole post?


Sorry Ginger and everyone else if this came off harsh. It was more a question of perplexty, thus the ? and not a !. A very good example of the limitations of the virtual world.

Flying, as for what I am like, hope that answers your question.

OP, looks like your hubby does want to spend time with you. Talk to hubby again and make some compromises. Yes, it would have been nice had he said he wanted to go to the museum first, but now he is. It would have been nice if you discussed the possibility of changing plans with him first, but you didn't. So, here you are, time to move forward.


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Too Much,

WOW! When I read this post it really was “To Much to handle”, well here goes, I may sound rude but please don’t take it that way, I’m just being straight with you based on your words, okay.



toomuchtotell said:


> So..I told the hubby that I want us to have some real plans for Memorial day weekend. We scheduled a hiking trip for Monday, and I made plans for the both of us to go to a party on saturday. He's all for the hiking trip, but doesn't want to go to the party. He complains that it's an hour away and sounds boring. I tell him I think we should go anyway, it's something to do and he didn't have any better ideas for saturday. I had been asking him for over a week about what he wanted to do over the weekend and he didn't have any answers and this opportuinity fell in my lap.
> 
> *I’m taking your words above and placing them into two points with explanations at the end:*
> 
> ...


*Your husband* is an *INTROVERT*, who enjoys his own company or those he feels closely to, mostly his own family and friends like him. *He is NOT a social butterfly *from your words above. He doesn’t do well at socialising with anyone except YOU! His interests include, Computers (I see hubby), reading, writing etc. etc. Your husband is inward looking to pleasure himself. For example, he gets himself off on your underwear instead of pleasuring you, his wife. He likes being around you, but doesn’t want to interact with you until he initiates it. He is highly intelligent, thinks a lot but can’t voice those thoughts in a meaningful conversation, so stays silent until pushed into a corner, and then goes into defensive mode and then starts communicating. Better late than never, I say....

*Too much*, you an *EXTROVERT*, *you enjoy being the social butterfly*, hiking, going to parties, shopping, socialising with others, engaging in meaningful conversation, joking around (I see you, Too much), debating are all social events/activities that require human contact, etc. etc. Which your husband in not accustomed to so he rejects any of your ideas or leaves you to make them. He won’t spend time with your family because he doesn’t need to know them because he has his own family to spend time with. (Sorry that last sentence sounded cold but I couldn’t word it another way).

You also mentioned you were trying for a baby last year. IMHO you need to examine your relationship with your husband here more deeply here and ask some serious soul searching questions about your future. If he spends so much of his time obsessed with electronic gadgets, and video games and stays up into the early mornings; when/if you have a baby, who’s going to come first, the baby or his obsession, with electronic gadgets and video games?

Here’s a Wikipedia article on Extraversion and introversion, I suggest you read it. It describes many people and I was an Introvert now I’m somewhere in between them.


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

toomuchtotell said:


> So..I told the hubby that I want us to have some real plans for Memorial day weekend. We scheduled a hiking trip for Monday, and I made plans for the both of us to go to a party on saturday. He's all for the hiking trip, but doesn't want to go to the party. He complains that it's an hour away and sounds boring. I tell him I think we should go anyway, it's something to do and he didn't have any better ideas for saturday. I had been asking him for over a week about what he wanted to do over the weekend and he didn't have any answers and this opportuinity fell in my lap.
> 
> So then yesterday I'm talking to a few family members who propose spending the day shopping on Saturday since the weather isn't going to be all that nice. I tell them that hubby and I had plans to go to a party, but he didn't really want to go so I'm sure he'll be glad to be off the hook and can spend the time doing what he wants. So I agree to spend the day shopping and tell my husband this. He then gets mad because now I am leaving him to spend the day alone and he already told everyone he was going to a party. I guess I didn't handle this properly, and maybe instead of going to the party I should have scheduled something else together that we both wanted to do instead of making plans with family? I never get to see my family and we have seen his family almost every weekend over the past month due to mothers day, communions, birthdays etc.. I haven't seen my family in 2 months. He then says he will spend the day going to the art museum without me. I asked him why he didn't suggest the art museum when I asked him a million times what he wanted to do, and he didn't have answer. I feel bad now that I didn't do the right thing


This makes it sound like maybe your husband takes some time to commit to things, and has to work his head around an idea first (which in turn might explain why he spends so much time playing games - they're comfortable). I have a few suggestions:

1) The house cleaning is a GREAT idea. I actually get absorbed in gaming sometimes, and find it's more likely to happen in a messy house because I can ignore all the mess around me. In a clean house, I'm more likely to track down an activity to mess the place up again, like arts & crafts  But on a serious note, that in itself could help. A lot. 

2) Have a talk. I'd recommend going to a coffee shop or somewhere else away from the house, just to chat about your shared life, what your goals are, and how to achieve them. Ask him what he feels could be better in his life, and tell him what you think could be better. Then brainstorm solutions together. Make sure you schedule any meeting with him in advance, so he can mentally prepare himself. 

My hubby and I started having occasional meetings like that, and it's REALLY improved things for us. Our house is cleaner, our finances are in order, and we're eating healthier and getting more exercise. I think it's because we both feel involved in the process of improvement. It's also really rewarding to see the changes we've made together.


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## Bluecollar (May 23, 2013)

I don't have a lot of spare time, and will sit down in the evening for maybe an hour and play a video game. Never thought I'd play them at my age but I found one I really like.
However if my wife came and sat in my lap in her skivvies I'd drop it like a hot potato and get down to business. 
Priorities....keep them in proper order


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

JustHer said:


> Sorry Ginger and everyone else if this came off harsh. It was more a question of perplexty, thus the ? and not a !. A very good example of the limitations of the virtual world.
> 
> Flying, as for what I am like, hope that answers your question.
> 
> OP, looks like your hubby does want to spend time with you. Talk to hubby again and make some compromises. Yes, it would have been nice had he said he wanted to go to the museum first, but now he is. It would have been nice if you discussed the possibility of changing plans with him first, but you didn't. So, here you are, time to move forward.


Ginger, JustHer : I have sense of humour and Too Much is the only Tamer to give outright permission to use it on her posts, so no offence okay.


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

FlyingThePhoenix said:


> I’m afraid I’m no expert on your condition I did some research on the web and identified you with the PI type based on your words. Is there no cure? Or is this a lifelong condition? Take care of yourself FIRST! Then deal with hubby.


nope, no cure and it in most cases is a lifelong condition. I do not overlook the fact that living with someone who always forgets and loses things, and has disorganization and focusing problems, is not the easist thing!



> When I read this post it really was “To Much to handle”


With ADHD-PI that's how I feel about getting through the required tasks of the day!

Speaking of hiring cleaning help, we actually do have someone come every other week. She cleans and makes nice neat piles of all our junk until entropy takes over.

Btw, very insightful observations regarding extrovert vs introvert. 



> I was an Introvert now I’m somewhere in between them.


So actually you are an ambivert according to the info you linked. 



> when/if you have a baby, who’s going to come first, the baby or his obsession, with electronic gadgets and video games?


Yep, this is why I stopped trying. My goals in life never included being divorced with a baby and I have a feeling that's a likely result.



> it’s your husband that’s being selfish and self-centred, thinking about his needs, instead of thinking about BOTH your needs are. He needs reminding that there are two in this marriage, not just him.


He tends to be self-centered and entitled... he was spoiled as a child where my upbringing was different (horribly repressed childhood but that's a story for another day )



> Too Much is the only Tamer to give outright permission to use it on her posts


I'm also often told I"m the only person that laughs at one's jokes. Hmm what does this say about me..:scratchhead:


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

Faiora said:


> My hubby and I started having occasional meetings like that, and it's REALLY improved things for us. Our house is cleaner, our finances are in order, and we're eating healthier and getting more exercise. I think it's because we both feel involved in the process of improvement. It's also really rewarding to see the changes we've made together.


Great suggestion...glad it's worked so well for you!


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## Faiora (Apr 20, 2013)

toomuchtotell said:


> Great suggestion...glad it's worked so well for you!


Staying positive helps a lot too. We point out all the things that have gotten better. And we high-five when we've improved something that's taken a while. 

But, we're kind of dorks. 

Good luck, and things are never as bad as they seem.


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## toomuchtotell (May 13, 2013)

Hi all,

Wanted to give an update on the situation. I finally got it through hubby's head that he needs to get out of the house and into the fresh air. He was talking to a friend from work who bikes with his fiancee regularly, so he told me he wants us to both buy bikes. We go to the bike shop on saturday and buy 2 bikes and spend the afternoon trying them out. It was a lot of fun  We also spent Monday hiking. So things are looking promising as far as getting my husband into a more active lifestyle, especially with activities that include me. However, we still a few problems..

Now hubby is so focused on his new bike, he is talking about reorganizing the garage, putting up bike hooks etc so that we have a place ot store the bikes. Meanwhile, the interior of our home is becoming more and more of a pig pen. I keep telling him, let's set aside a day to throw out stuff and clean, but he is not interested. At least 50% of the junk laying around are his belongings. He blames me for his messiness, saying there is no point in him being tidy when my mess is all over the place. Ok fair enough, but that doesn't solve the problem! Any ideas on how I can get through to him on this? I need his help, I cannot do it alone. I was thinking of just throwing all his things in garbage bags but then the garbage bags will just be sitting around and he won't do anything with them!


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

> nope, no cure and it in most cases is a lifelong condition. I do not overlook the fact that living with someone who always forgets and loses things, and has disorganization and focusing problems, is not the easist thing!
> 
> With ADHD-PI that's how I feel about getting through the required tasks of the day!


I admire people with conditions that just get on with it and not let the condition rule them. :smthumbup:

Here's my condition:
I was diagnosed with a rare condition in my late 20’s, it was devastating for me and changed me forever it broke my heart in the worst possible way, I cried and I cried, there was no cure and I had to live with it for the rest of my life. My life slowly changed, and I was getting lost, I went to the doctors and he explained my condition was called: Baldness. He told me it was “hair today gone tomorrow”; it was dreadful, every day I look in the mirror I mourn my hair loss. Can you feel my pain? Well do ya puck! :HA-HA-HA:



> Speaking of hiring cleaning help, we actually do have someone come every other week. She cleans and makes nice neat piles of all our junk until entropy takes over.


Dam it! I was going to offer you my house cleaning services. Because both of you earn a ton of money, so I’ll only charge you the special rate of $/£99 per hour (I gave you a special discount, it's normally $/£100 per hour) and all you need to do, is provide the tea and chocolate biscuits. Hey, because I’m worth it. :HA-HA-HA:

Whose Entropy’s your dog? 



> Btw, very insightful observations regarding extrovert vs introvert.
> 
> So actually you are an ambivert according to the info you linked.


You’re on role now, oh well done! Thank you, they were your words, I just read them. How close was I? ! Dam, I didn't think you were going to read the article, Well there goes that joke than. 

I’ve found myself at last, between the two, so I’m Ambivert. I can still have my obsession, I control it, it doesn’t control me and but I can be social at the same time. Life begins at 40, and so true.



> Yep, this is why *I* stopped trying. My goals in life never included being divorced with a baby and I have a feeling that's a likely result. _(FTP: Sorry! )_


There are 7 words in your first sentence, but the key one is "*I*", don't you mean "*We*"? Doesn't he want to be a dad?



> He tends to be self-centered and entitled... he was spoiled as a child where my upbringing was different (horribly repressed childhood but that's a story for another day )
> _(FTP: Snap!)_


Your hubby and I are so alike when it comes to IT, but that’s it, my family were poor and we climbed that ladder to a better life, and I’m still climbing it. As long as my health is okay, I’ll keep doing it, but I won’t let it run my life again. It's time to take charge of that hubby of yours.



> I'm also often told I"m the only person that laughs at one's jokes. Hmm what does this say about me..:scratchhead:


Oh too much, that’s so easy answer, your completely nuts and your friends think so as well, because they told me so . Why because my friends say to the same to me. But I don’t care!

I’ sure you’ve heard of this saying: “laughter is the best medicine” it’s been mine since my early 20’s and continues to grow each year I get older. It’s the best medicine and it’s completely FREE!

I just your newer post, get ready.....


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## FlyingThePhoenix (Apr 11, 2013)

Hi Too much,



> Hi all,
> 
> Wanted to give an update on the situation. I finally got it through hubby's head that he needs to get out of the house and into the fresh air. He was talking to a friend from work who bikes with his fiancee regularly, so he told me he wants us to both buy bikes. We go to the bike shop on saturday and buy 2 bikes and spend the afternoon trying them out. It was a lot of fun  We also spent Monday hiking. So things are looking promising as far as getting my husband into a more active lifestyle, especially with activities that include me. However, we still a few problems..


Fantastic news! What type of bikes are you talking about?



> Now hubby is so focused on his new bike, he is talking about reorganizing the garage, putting up bike hooks etc so that we have a place ot store the bikes. Meanwhile, the interior of our home is becoming more and more of a pig pen. I keep telling him, let's set aside a day to throw out stuff and clean, but he is not interested. At least 50% of the junk laying around are his belongings. He blames me for his messiness, saying there is no point in him being tidy when my mess is all over the place. Ok fair enough, but that doesn't solve the problem! Any ideas on how I can get through to him on this?


If the garage is empty than why is your house a mess?
You better be careful here he might be starting another obsession here.

Did you read those articles on de-cluttering? They do work but it requires the both of you to take positive action.
Also make him read the de-cluttering articles I posted, may be that will wake him up. 



> I need his help, I cannot do it alone. I was thinking of just throwing all his things in garbage bags but then the garbage bags will just be sitting around and he won't do anything with them!


*Here’s my plan:*

*1).* Make a list of everything that’s yours and throw it away or do a garage sale on the weekend. Leave your husband’s alone. Once he sees only his “*stuff*” in the house, may be that will guilt-trip him into taking action himself.

*2).* Well, you could FIRE your cleaning lady, and hire me instead, I already gave you a special discount rate in my last post ; what can I say I’m a generous man!


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