# Letting Go of Hurt



## noblehabana (Jul 24, 2011)

I have been dating a girl for 8 months and fell in love and wanted to get married. She always had told me that she was a virgin as am I and then i find out that she was lying to me. i'm heartbroken. What can I do to get over so much hurt?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What is her explanation for deceiving you. Don't do anything until you overcome your shock. There are two things you have to reflect on- she misrepresented herself in a very fundimental way and the importance of virginity for you. Even if you love her, you may have to let her go. Love may not be enough to maintain a connection over the long run if the basis of the relationship is deception This may eventually erode your love. 

Think carefully.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## noblehabana (Jul 24, 2011)

Her reason was she knew how important it was to me and she didnt want to lose me by telling me the truth. She said she fell in love with me and didnt want to hurt me. Virginity is important to me so i dont know what i should do


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

You may have dodged a bullet here. if she was willing to lie to your face about that...


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## tofuhater (Jul 10, 2011)

F102 is correct ! -- You dodged a bullet ! Don't settle for less because you're "in Love" with her ! The "in love" stage will fade away in even the best of marriages. Love in a marraige evolves and changes and doesn't always "feel" the same. Love is committment and faith and a willingess to persevere when the passion and emotion fades. 
IF she lied to your face about this - guess what you now know that SHE IS A LIAR ! -- maybe one with a conscience but a liar none the less. What else is do you not know ??? I never thought my wife a good Christian woman would or could cheat but guess what - I was wrong ! She lied to me about her past just like your fiancee did. She lied again and again in the early part of our marriage about things I never imagined where possible. 
Good luck -


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## dojo (Jul 4, 2011)

Well, don't want to step on any toes, but I don't understand why her virginity was so important. The fact she had sex doesn't change the fact she mjght love you. Maybe she lied just because you made sure to let her know about this weird expectation, yes for this age it's weird to expect a woamn to remain virgin, and she wanted to have you in her life. I personally wouldn't bother with a man who comes with these expectations, but maybe she was actually in love with you. I don't think anyone is at win here, but of coursee it's your call


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Depends on how you found out. If she told you, there's something to build upon... it's understandable, given it is important to you, that she wanted ot hide this from you. She can't un-do her virginity. But... she also can't un-do that she lied to you about it. Both can be forgiven, if you do truly love her and this is your only issue....


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

To me, the virginity, or lack thereof, is not the issue. The fact that she lied about it, it would always have me wondering: what ELSE did she lie about? What OTHER secrets is she keeping? When will she lie to me again?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I think his issue is that she lied to him about it. So he feels duped. Anyone would. 

Now he also says that virginity is important to him. Maybe the OP is a virgin himself? Idk but if you are not comfortable being with her any longer based on her lie to you, then dump her now and move on.


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## ArabianKnight (Jul 24, 2011)

But no matter what don't break your virginity on her if you decide to be with her, find someone else to do it for you then go back to her. 
just to be as equal as she is.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ArabianKnight said:


> But no matter what don't break your virginity on her if you decide to be with her, find someone else to do it for you then go back to her.
> just to be as equal as she is.


Seriously? So him cheating on her is going to make this all better? How will they be "equal?" They will just both be liars.

Relationships aren't a game. If he's unhappy, he should just end the relationship and move on.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Seriously? So him cheating on her is going to make this all better? How will they be "equal?" They will just both be liars.
> 
> Relationships aren't a game. If he's unhappy, he should just end the relationship and move on.


:iagree: don't compromise your own values to get even, and don't play games. Be able to look in the mirror and have no doubts about what you see.


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## borninapril (Jun 6, 2011)

Well she did come to you and tell you the truth and I think that should say something. Plus you don't know how or haven't mentioned how she lost it. Maybe something happened to her. Either way you have to decide if your feelings for her are stronger than your want/need to marry or be with a virgin. 

I was a virgin until I was 28 and after about the age of 23 I just didn't mention it. It became more of a distraction to my relationships than anything else. but the moment I meet my wife I knew I was going to marry her and we had sex before marriage. I didn't even tell her the truth until about a year later.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

Just curious.....were yoou a virgin???


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## BigBri (Jul 22, 2011)

Dude... its really hard to find a virgin these days. You should've know this a while back. 

I agree with what jellybeans said also- its the lie that has you a bit apprehensive about the sitch.


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