# Today’s Heartache



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

The events of today have left me shattered and sad. 

For weeks I have known that something is wrong but wanted definitive evidence. We have been having issues with a so called male friend who my wife communicates with often. I know definitely they don’t meet up as I have been keeping tabs on locations and whereabouts. Plus the fact that we actually work together makes it difficult for her to take off alone.

Today started like no other. Woke up realised we had no coffee ducked off to the supermarket did some shopping at 7am then came home.

At 8am my wife woke up made a coffee and we started to watch tv together. At 8.30am one of my daughters comes down stairs and asks me to come into her room. Then she showed me a Snapchat on my wife’s phone from a man I know. Snapchat said love you and miss your Georgous face. 

This is not the first time this individual had sent her inappropriate messages. I had confronted her before and she said she would deal with it. Naturally I didn’t believe her.

I had my daughter send me the screen shot and I confronted. My exact words were do you want to be married or divorced? She had no idea what I was talking about so I showed her the snap. All she said was that’s inappropriate I will talk to him.

I have heard this story before. An hour later she took the dog for a walk I was left to fume. As stated these inappropriate messages have been happening for a while. Not to mention the fact that my wife has not worn her wedding ring in a month. Thank goodness we have separate bank accounts. I have provided a good life for this woman. We are by no means rich but we are comfortable. We have a nice house two nice cars and a small house loan. Our children go to a private school and my wife wants for nothing. Yet she is unappreciative and ungrateful.

I had to stay cool as my daughters were competing at State Athletics’s Championships. I did not want to ruin their chances or stress them out as they compete at a very high level.

After State Championships were over my daughters inform me that my wife has changed her phone pin. I confronted again and naturally my wife did the usual script that guilty parties do you invaded my privacy, I can’t help what other people send me, why are you all ganging up on me etc. 

Finally my two daughters said to her if you can’t be real just leave the house. Your cheating on dad. 

Wife said that’s fine and declared we are broken up. 

Tonight is my wife’s father 80th birthday Dinner. I decided I wasn’t going to go and pretend to play happy families. Long story short I got guilted into going my dad has done nothing to you he is old and sick you can’t ruin his night. So here I am at dinner typing this out.

As sad as I am I know I don’t deserve this. I have been a good husband and probably tolerated too much that I should have acted on sooner. The twins have declared they will come with me as they don’t condone their mother’s actions. I hope they don’t change their minds later. 

So here I am on a Saturday night venting my issues and knowing next week I will have to make some hard decisions.

First thing Monday I am going to book myself an appointment with the best family lawyer in the state. I’m by no means rich but not exactly struggling for money. I’m aware that a good lawyer is a valuable investment. 

I’m very well aware of my realities. I’m not looking to get beat up on here. Some encouraging support would be appreciated.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Sports Fan said:


> The events of today have left me shattered and sad.
> 
> For weeks I have known that something is wrong but wanted definitive evidence. We have been having issues with a so called male friend who my wife communicates with often. I know definitely they don’t meet up as I have been keeping tabs on locations and whereabouts. Plus the fact that we actually work together makes it difficult for her to take off alone.
> 
> ...


You’re wife has been cheating on you for years,you know it,your children know it even the dogs in the street know it. 
If you’re going to do something then do it. 
Stop pontificating and issuing meaningless ultimatums. The first time you backed down was when she knew she had your testicles in her purse. 
She doesn’t believe you are going to do anything and so far she’s been proven right. 
By the way you are really teaching your daughters about how a good marriage works and how to treat their husbands.


----------



## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> The events of today have left me shattered and sad.
> 
> For weeks I have known that something is wrong but wanted definitive evidence. We have been having issues with a so called male friend who my wife communicates with often. I know definitely they don’t meet up as I have been keeping tabs on locations and whereabouts. Plus the fact that we actually work together makes it difficult for her to take off alone.
> 
> ...


700 odd posts, mostly about the wife. You can't be surprised or shocked at what is happening. 

What exactly advice are you looking for other than the lot offered to you in other posts?


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



BobSimmons said:


> 700 odd posts, mostly about the wife. You can't be surprised or shocked at what is happening.
> 
> What exactly advice are you looking for other than the lot offered to you in other posts?


Five ****ing years he’s been threatening to divorce his wife.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I hope this time you really can make yourself move on. Yes, it's difficult. Yes, it's painful. Yes, you wish it didn't happen. But the truth is there's a better life waiting for you than the one you have with a cheating wife. Take it.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Get your ducks and please tell me you have saved evidence. Threat of exposure can do wonders in leveraging a divorce.

OM deserves some egg in his face as well.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. Sorry man!


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

ConanHub said:


> Get your ducks and please tell me you have saved evidence. Threat of exposure can do wonders in leveraging a divorce.
> 
> OM deserves some egg in his face as well.


In normal discourse I would agree with you.
The op first posted about his wife cheating in 2014. 
I think she has shown what she thinks about his threats or ultimatums.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am sorry it has come to this sport fan, it sounds like your daughter is on your side. at this point i would not be afraid to tell everyone she is cheating.


----------



## Loveshorror (Feb 27, 2019)

Stop issuing ultimatums unless you are willing to follow through. It’s the same scenario - you confront, she claims she’ll address it and then, the cycle repeats. When nothing changes, nothing changes.

Also, why does your daughter have access to her mom’s snapchats and know when mom changed her password? The level of their involvement is wrong.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> Wife said that’s fine and declared we are broken up.
> 
> 
> First thing Monday I am going to book myself an appointment with the best family lawyer in the state. I’m by no means rich but not exactly struggling for money. I’m aware that a good lawyer is a valuable investment.
> ...


I looked back through your old posts. You have given a lot of sound advice to others in similar situations. Now it's time to heed your own advice for yourself. 

If your own kids are on to her and are disgusted by her behavior, that means it is pretty blatant and obvious and that she really isn't even trying to cover her tracks or get away with it anymore. 

I think your options here are either cut your losses and get out and make a new, good life for yourself. 

Or stand at the door handing her other men their coats as they leave and telling them to make sure they've picked up all their socks and underwear and then clean up her left over wet spots that she leaves throughout the house. 

This is going to be an example of 'you are what you do and not what you say.' 

If you actually get a lawyer and file on her and fight for rights and entitlements in a divorce, then a life free of being cuckolded and your own self determination with be your destiny. 

But if you just live in your own head and are a hero in your own mind but the reality is you let every excuse and every difficulty deter you, then your destiny will be the passive **** that towels off her dripping jay-jay after her boyfriends are done with her. 

You are what you do. Not what you think or what you say.


----------



## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

How long ago did she start having a male friend? Who is he and how did she meet him?

What did your wife say as far as how physical it was with the first guy your wife cheated with?

Your daughters jumped to the conclusion your wife was cheating. Why? I am assuming that your daughters know at least a little about your past marriage issues just from living in the same house, but I also assume your daughters, as they have become teenagers, can identify your wife's attitudes towards other men in general, and your wife's general sense of selfishness. In other words, your daughters see the inappropriate message and the cheating conclusion makes sense to your daughters.

It seems your wife is kind of the fifth wheel in your family. By her own choice. You take the girls to the sporting events, your wife stays home or goes shopping or goes to the gym. It seems like more than just cheating with your wife's issues. She does not seem invested with the whole family. Example - all you do is to provide for the family, either your daughters or wife, all day every day. I would say that it is your identity - family man, father, husband. Meanwhile, your wife is an island unto herself. She lives in the house and I assume cooks, cleans, takes care of your daughters, maintains the social calendar, and generally gets along, etc. - but she is not so involved with you and your daughters' sporting events, which seems to be the main family interest. So when your wife is not working, she occupies herself with selfish interests - the gym is all about her, I am guessing most of the shopping is at least involved with her own desires than for you and your daughters needing things.

It seems like this was a long time coming. And it strikes me so odd that after all the other apparent bigger issues she's dealt with, she would make a stand on this one guy on snapchat. Is snapchat an adult's app? I don't hear any people I know ever talking about snapchat. Even my kids seem to have outgrown it.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Do you ever think about what you're teaching your kids?

You only want support? To do what? Talk gets you nothing. No action gets you more of the same.

You've changed nothing so nothing changes.

You know who the other man is so at least inform his wife if he's married.

No one can help you because you won't even help yourself. Why is that?


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> The events of today have left me shattered and sad.
> 
> Where is your self respect? You should be pissed off.
> 
> ...


You want support? Then take the first step and file like you should have already done and quit kow towing to a remourseless cheater.

No one is going to do this for you.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I refreshed my memory of your history by rereading your old threads. Wow. 

If you don't move on this time then you need to accept your life as it is and quit trying to chase off other men. She'll always find another one. Why wouldn't she since you've accepted all she's done for years.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*

Sports Fan, why are you still putting up with this crap?  What's your goal and is it worth letting this woman make a fool out of you in front of your kids, family and from one end of town to the other? I'm not trying to be a horses azz about it. I really think you need to put your reasoning and planned end game on the table.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*

*Moderator warning:-*

A member has just earned themselves a timeout ban for posting a rude and disgusting remark.

It wasn't a 2x4. It was an offensive, horrible remark to make.

Any other such attacks will be dealt with likewise.


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Over the weekend i exposed to other mans wife. Sent her the messages. She was very upset but thanked me. They have kids and she assured me he will be dealt with. My wifes family was having a Lunch gathering yesterday. Soon to be ex insisted i come and pretend to play happy families. Whilst there i exposed to everyone and handed out printed copies of the messages. Her family were appalled at her. Today i took the day off work. We work together but i got up early and left the house before she was out of bed. 

I made appointments with the top 5 Divorce Attorneys in the State. I have visited 2 today. The other 3 I will visit later this week. I know which one i am going to go with. I settled the retainer this morning. My objective now is to exclude the other top 4 legal representatives by having a consultation visit with them.

My soon to be ex has been blowing up my phone and sending messages of why aren't you at work today. She will soon find out that i have rounded up her account and will be presenting her the bill for her actions.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Wow!!!! Great job on exposure. It's good to see you stand up for yourself and get out of infidelity.

Nice example fir your kids too.

Now that you've taken the first step never eveake that kind of **** again.

Read up this may help you. It's short 
https://archive.org/details/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

How'd your wayward wife take the xposure?

I assume she tried to lie out of it as usual.


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Good going Sports Fan, I was a little worried about you for a while.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Well done, @Sports Fan.

Really this is the only thing that you could do under the circumstances.


----------



## dreamer2017 (Nov 7, 2017)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*

Dear Sports Fan,

All I can say is that you handle the situation with excellence.

Best,
Dreamer


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> Over the weekend i exposed to other mans wife. Sent her the messages. She was very upset but thanked me. They have kids and she assured me he will be dealt with. My wifes family was having a Lunch gathering yesterday. Soon to be ex insisted i come and pretend to play happy families. Whilst there i exposed to everyone and handed out printed copies of the messages. Her family were appalled at her. Today i took the day off work. We work together but i got up early and left the house before she was out of bed.
> 
> I made appointments with the top 5 Divorce Attorneys in the State. I have visited 2 today. The other 3 I will visit later this week. I know which one i am going to go with. I settled the retainer this morning. My objective now is to exclude the other top 4 legal representatives by having a consultation visit with them.
> 
> My soon to be ex has been blowing up my phone and sending messages of why aren't you at work today. She will soon find out that i have rounded up her account and will be presenting her the bill for her actions.


Steel in spine, check, fire in heart, check.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good job! I would suggest you divorce her no matter how "remorseful" she becomes. This has been going on way too long to gift her with another chance.


----------



## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

This is a very interesting reversal. Instead of staying "for the kids", sports fan is leaving for the kids. I can clearly see how healthy this is.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"My soon to be ex has been blowing up my phone and sending messages of why aren't you at work today."

I find it strange that she's texting you about why you aren't at WORK and says NOTHING about the exposure you did to her family the day before??? Seems really cold to me.


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

jlg07 said:


> "My soon to be ex has been blowing up my phone and sending messages of why aren't you at work today."
> 
> I find it strange that she's texting you about why you aren't at WORK and says NOTHING about the exposure you did to her family the day before??? Seems really cold to me.


As far as she’s concerned it’s business as usual. 
The op has threatened divorce and issued ultimatums in the past without carrying them out. 
This time he insists he is serious. 
I hope he is..............


----------



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

OP you are me.....I divorced a year ago. 
IT'S TIME Your life is about to start and it's wonderful!


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Marc878 said:


> How'd your wayward wife take the xposure?
> 
> I assume she tried to lie out of it as usual.


She ran the usual script, his just a friend, thats the way he speaks and messages everybody, I'm blowing it out of proportion, I'm overly jelous etc. Problem for soon to be ex was her own daughters hung her out to dry in front of her parents. They confessed how they had been exposed to the messages everytime they used her phone.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Now that you've exposed it's best to keep your momentum. Glad your daughters are backing you up. That's a big plus.


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

I have taken the week off work. I told my manager i have some personal issues i need to resolve. I'm using the week to sort out some of my affairs and visit other lawyers. My main aim is to exclude my wife from accessing the best family lawyers.

My wife's sister is currently going through a custody battle and is using the lawyer i paid the retainer too He has a very high profile and is ruthless. Last night i had to play it cool to my wife. She kept asking why i didn't come into work etc, so i told her i need time to myself and to heal. I don't want to tip her off to the fact that I'm lawyer shopping. My wifes sister is very clued in on issues so regardless of how appalled they are at her now I'm very well aware that family tend to stick together and they will try to guide her to the best lawyers possible. After this week that should not be a problem as i would have visited the top 5 Family Lawyers in our State.

On another note i bagged up her clothing and moved them to the spare bedroom. There is no bed there so wife tried to sleep in one of the girls rooms. They both would not have her so she slept on the couch. 

I think my wife believes this is just a storm in a tea cup and it will just pass. She is sadly mistaken. I plan to fight for full custody of my children. We are filing for full custody and will negotiate down from there.


----------



## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Amazing scenario. She is showing how little respect and value she has for you. How can she be so foolish under the circumstances? Is she always so self-absorbed?

Sorry for the achy heart.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Your doing good but keep a VAR on you at all times. She is not to be trusted, she is a liar and a phony.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> I plan to fight for full custody of my children. We are filing for full custody and will negotiate down from there.


I understand your anger and your hurt, but why full custody? 

Is she a druggie, abusive towards the kids or dangerously negligent or in any way an unfit parent?

Do you have reason to believe she will be going for your jugular and trying to take everything and to drag you through the mud?

Going to great lengths to get a pitbull lawyer while trying to block her access to competent counsel and going for full custody etc is likely just going to make you look vengeful and trying to hurt her out of revenge. 

Her family and your daughters et al may be disappointed her behavior and may be supportive of your hurt and pain, but once they start feeling that you are just trying to hurt her and drag her through mud, they are going to turn on you pretty quick. 

It's ok to not want to be married to a cheater and to want to divorce and want to take your half and walk away. But once you start weaponizing it and using it as weapon of vengeance, it becomes something all together different.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Child custody is usually 50/50 unless your kids are old enough to have a say in who they want to live with.

You are correct. Your wife's family will back her not you.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> On another note i bagged up her clothing and moved them to the spare bedroom. There is no bed there so wife tried to sleep in one of the girls rooms. They both would not have her so she slept on the couch.


Good. She deserves nothing from you. Keep it up.


----------



## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> On another note i bagged up her clothing and moved them to the spare bedroom. There is no bed there so wife tried to sleep in one of the girls rooms. They both would not have her so she slept on the couch.


WOW. You are doing FANTASTIC. Good for you. When you get on the other side of this you are going to feel so liberated and relieved to be out of that marriage.

QUESTION: How does your wife react when her own daughters won't let her stay in their room and call her out on her behavior? You must be proud of your daughters, that can't be easy for them to do. (Or maybe it is, maybe they can see her more objectively than you.)


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I LOVE the way you are handling this with decisiveness and ruthlessness. Regarding full custody, find out exactly what your daughters need to say to a judge to make this happen.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Tatsuhiko said:


> I LOVE the way you are handling this with decisiveness and ruthlessness. Regarding full custody, find out exactly what your daughters need to say to a judge to make this happen.


Yeah you see it's stuff like this that turns people against the BS. 

Dicisiveness is critical. 

But Vengeance will usually come around and bite you in the backside.

And manipulating and coaching testimony can land you in trouble with the court and turn your kids against you. 

Yes the teenagers are Upset with her cheating.
They may even have some of their own fantasies of retribution at the moment.

But this is still their mother and once they get over their initial disgust, if people are out to harm their mother out of vengeance they will turn. Especially if they feel that they themselves have been manipulated and used as pawns in some sort of revenge campaign.

That can cause lasting damage and animosity.

Kids may be upset and saddened over marital discord and divorce. But if that divorce is fair and without unnecessary drama and mudslinging, they will ultimately understand and accept it and can maintain a loving and functional relationship with both parents over the long term.

But if they are used as pawns in the parents personal vendetta and there is lots of drama and mudslinging and manipulation, the damage and animosity amongst the kids towards BOTH parents can be long term and possibly even permanent. 

DONT WEAPONIZE KIDS AS PART OF YOUR BATTLE PLAN.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



oldshirt said:


> Yeah you see it's stuff like this that turns people against the BS.
> 
> Dicisiveness is critical.
> 
> ...


I don't think that is what is being suggested. If the children are of a certain age, they can actually choose which parent they want to reside with.

The skank in this tale has shown conclusively that she has far more concern for her crotch than her family.

I left my mother at a point where I had a voice, to go live with my grandparents because she was a skank at the time and that behavior severely damages a child's mental and emotional health.

The children in this situation are being harmed by the mother's slimy behavior. It can easily be proven with a child psychologist interview.

Are you reading a different account? The kids are being harmed here.

It would be best for everyone to let the children reside with SF so they can have a solid home life and skankzilla can hang an "open for business" sign in front of her Panama canal.

Everyone gets what they want except skankwad loses out on getting to humiliate her cuckold and family.


----------



## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Yeah, I'm not advocating revenge. OP said he wants custody, and he should do whatever is necessary to attain that. His wife has shown herself to be a poor role model, and it sounds like the kids would prefer to live with him rather than spend their childhood watching their mother's affairs. So do what needs to be done to make that happen. Their mother needs to hit rock bottom, via shock and awe, before she can begin to correct her behavior. She's had years of opportunity and squandered it. Reconciliation might even be a possibility if this thing is finally brought to a head.

I should add that his having full custody does not mean that the children will be deprived of their mother. It just gives OP control in the situation. Depending on what changes he sees or doesn't see in his wife, he can allow her more or less visitation with the girls. That's the reason to go for full custody.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



ConanHub said:


> I don't think that is what is being suggested. If the children are of a certain age, they can actually choose which parent they want to reside with.
> 
> The skank in this tale has shown conclusively that she has far more concern for her crotch than her family.
> 
> ...


Without looking back through previous posts, I believe the kids were in their teens, so yes they can have quite a bit of say in where they go. 

I many divorces that I personally know in real life with shared custody, the teens basically get in their car and go where they want depending on what is going in that day or that weekend etc. 

But when the discussion becomes about court ordered full custody, it becomes a whole different thing.

In order to deny custody from a biological mother, she must be proven unfit and that means that it must basically be shown that the kids would be in some kind of jeopardy in her care.

This may be a hard pill for many BS's to swallow, but cheating is not in and of itself a danger to kids and an even harder pill is that courts, judges and even society as a whole do not care who people screw.

Now that depends on the details, if she is bringing drug dealing, child molesters and rapist on the sex offender registry into the child's home, that is a different story.

But boffing some law abiding, sober dude from the gym is not the court's concern. 

The court will look more negatively towards some guy trying to hurt his STBX and coaching and manipulating his kid's testimony out of revenge than they will towards some gal that blew some guy at the office. 

In most jurisdictions today, 50/is presumed unless one can be shown as unfit or a direct risk to the kid's health and safety. That will include things like drugs/alcoholism, abuse, dangerous neglect/abandonment and criminal enterprise.

Screwing a consenting adult that is not one's spouse is not generally considered a risk to kid's health and safety.... And quite frankly no one really cares. 

Courts and society as a whole are more apt to negatively judge A vengeful BS out to harm their STBX and use their kids as pawns than they are to judge a WS for cheating in the first place.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



oldshirt said:


> Without looking back through previous posts, I believe the kids were in their teens, so yes they can have quite a bit of say in where they go.
> 
> I many divorces that I personally know in real life with shared custody, the teens basically get in their car and go where they want depending on what is going in that day or that weekend etc.
> 
> ...


You are seriously out of step with what is happening with this situation.

I suggest you actually familiarize yourself with what is actually going on. You are going way off the path and speaking to points that don't even exist.

That is why I initially asked if you even read the same story everyone else did?

What the hell are you talking about?!??

One of the daughters is so fed up with her mother's skanky **** that she is gathering evidence, easily obtainable because skankzilla is none to discreet, and showing it to SF!

What story are you actually commenting on because it sure as hell isn't this one!?!


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Hang in there and tap into the strength you have been holding in reserve as you avoided acting on things.

I totally get the twisting on the vine for years thing.

Once it can no longer stick in your craw, it can go amazingly fast when you act.

I do think for you it was a good strategy to give relatives print outs of the evidence. That way, your lying wife cannot talk her way out of the evidence of her cheating.

Going forward, only communicate with her through the lawyer.

Any way you can change employers to get away from her physically?


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

I will not comment on what you have done thus far, except to say that you have covered your bases and it will serve you well in the future. I am frankly stumped by your wife's behavior. She seems to not understand that she has provided some fairly damning evidence to you. Oh well, I have encountered the monumentally stupid before. So, by the time she gets around to defending herself, the battle will have been lost. You disseminating your evidence should have been enough for her to at least start seeing attorneys in case that evidence makes it out of the family circle, however, she has apparently not addressed this. I advise cautious optimism. 

It has been two days since OMW was advised. What has your wife's reactions been thus far?


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



ConanHub said:


> You are seriously out of step with what is happening with this situation.
> 
> I suggest you actually familiarize yourself with what is actually going on. You are going way off the path and speaking to points that don't even exist.
> 
> ...



I think you are taking my post way out if context.

If the daughter has her own ax to grind with the WW then that is on her.

If she has a preference for being with him, then she will certainly have the perogative of stating her preferences. 

All I am saying is that it is usually counter productive and harmful in the long run to try to turn kids against the other parent in a D.

The post I quoted was making it sound like he should coach the kids on what to say in order to get her custodial rights reduced or taken away.

That is a dangerous and slippery slope that often backfires and can cause lasting damage to the parent/child relationship going forward.

That's all I'm saying. I'm not saying the WW is a wonderful mother or great person. 

I'm just warning that things done out of vengeance to hurt someone often have a way of coming around and biting that person in their own butt.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



oldshirt said:


> I think you are taking my post way out if context.
> 
> If the daughter has her own ax to grind with the WW then that is on her.
> 
> ...


If that was actually happening in this story, which it isn't, your advice would be relevant.

If you actually read this, you will read about a woman that has earned at least what SF is doing and a whole lot more.

Revenge isn't going on here. Well earned consequences are.


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



WorkingWife said:


> WOW. You are doing FANTASTIC. Good for you. When you get on the other side of this you are going to feel so liberated and relieved to be out of that marriage.
> 
> QUESTION: How does your wife react when her own daughters won't let her stay in their room and call her out on her behavior? You must be proud of your daughters, that can't be easy for them to do. (Or maybe it is, maybe they can see her more objectively than you.)


Thank you for your comments. My wife reacts angrily and self entitled. My daughters have called her out on her behaviour because unfortunately they have witnessed the snapchat messages first hand.


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



oldshirt said:


> I think you are taking my post way out if context.
> 
> If the daughter has her own ax to grind with the WW then that is on her.
> 
> ...


This has nothing to do with revenge. Realistically I'm looking at 50/50 custody. We have started at full custody and we are prepared to negotiate down to 50/50 split. Yes it would be great if i can have primary custody. I will not expose my children to my wifes silly choices in life. She has 16 years worth of them. She has been lucky i have been around to protect the kids from her mistakes. Not any more i will not be a weekend dad or hand over my kids so she feels she got a fair deal. This has nothing to do with revenge or being spiteful. Its about holding her accountable for her actions and protecting my children.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

are children in your state allowed to pick the parent they want to live with if they are a certain age.
will you have her served before you tell her?


----------



## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

I know it may seem hard to believe, but you are doing very well. Continue to hang in there and be strong!


Do you know when she will be served?


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> This has nothing to do with revenge. Realistically I'm looking at 50/50 custody. We have started at full custody and we are prepared to negotiate down to 50/50 split. Yes it would be great if i can have primary custody. I will not expose my children to my wifes silly choices in life. She has 16 years worth of them. She has been lucky i have been around to protect the kids from her mistakes. Not any more i will not be a weekend dad or hand over my kids so she feels she got a fair deal. This has nothing to do with revenge or being spiteful. Its about holding her accountable for her actions and protecting my children.



Fair enough, sounds reasonable.

But please keep this discussion in mind that if people do think that one is being motivated by hostility with an agenda of inflicting pain, others will often be motivated to respond in kind.

If she is as much of a ditz as you say, she may even voluntarily opt for reduced custody if she feels you are collaborative and not out to stick it to her.

It's not rare for a recalcitrant cheater to ultimately opt for reduced custody to allow them more freedom to pursue their own interests and to have more access to their APs.


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

During my brothers divorce his 2 sons went to court with him and asked to speak to the judge. This was many years ago and unheard of at the time. They were in the latter years of grade school. Their mother wasn't a druggie or abusive but my brother who was the breadwinner alway saw that they were fed, bathed, etc. His X wife could barely get herself to work on time.

To make a long story short the court ordered a psych evaluation on both parents and the kids. In the end he got custody. She had visitation rights.

Kids aren't stupid and especially if they are in their teens they should get a say. In this case his daughters are standing up for their father more than he has. That alone should tell you something.

So to say he's seeking vengeance under these circumstances ( from previous threads which go back years ) is a ludicrous assumption. I suspect his daughters are sick and fed up at the low class and very long actions from their mother. 

If they were my daughters I'd want them to have a chance at not having that really bad influence on them especially from what his daughters have stood up and done to try and end this mess.


Stand up for your kids and make sure they have their say. Get full custody so they can have a better shot at life and growing up the correct way rather than have to spend time in this nightmare. You'll have zero control over who she drags into their life if you dont.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



oldshirt said:


> Fair enough, sounds reasonable.
> 
> But please keep this discussion in mind that if people do think that one is being motivated by hostility with an agenda of inflicting pain, others will often be motivated to respond in kind.
> 
> ...


Fair enough, but please keep this discussion in mind that you often post with some agenda of your own in mind without having an actual clue as to what is going on in the thread you are offering advice in.

You should probably actually read and research what is going on first instead of throwing off the wall and irrelevant advice at best and flat out wrong and offensive advice at worst.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Taxman said:


> I am frankly stumped by your wife's behavior. She seems to not understand that she has provided some fairly damning evidence to you.


Sounds a little like the folks that leave evidence around so they will get caught. I think this chick wants SportsFan to fold up his tent and part company. I'd be surprised if she hasn't already consulted an attorney.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



VladDracul said:


> Sounds a little like the folks that leave evidence around so they will get caught. I think this chick wants SportsFan to fold up his tent and part company. I'd be surprised if she hasn't already consulted an attorney.


This is a definite possibility. She could also just be so use to steamrolling over SF that she can't actually believe he will do anything effective.

Your thoughts should be considered however.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



ConanHub said:


> This is a definite possibility. She could also just be so use to steamrolling over SF that she can't actually believe he will do anything effective.


Hell Conan, I can't actually believe he will do anything effective. It could be a combination of both. She don't believe he'll actually do anything and may not give a crap if he does.


----------



## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Sports Fan, watch out for some kind of legal ambush. She just might be ahead of the curve on this.


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Not much progress on the home front. My daughters did report a phone conversation they heard STBX wife have with her sister. 

Apparantly wifes sister is telling her she should seek legal advice and prepare her position in case i don't come around and forgive and forget. Wifes sister is offering the services of her lawyer and gave her the number. Described him as the best in the State.

I would like to be a fly on the wall when she calls and gets knocked back by the firm due to me engaging them. This week should be interesting.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sports Fan said:


> Not much progress on the home front. My daughters did report a phone conversation they heard STBX wife have with her sister.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I have to admit this made the devious part of my heart smile...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> Not much progress on the home front. My daughters did report a phone conversation they heard STBX wife have with her sister.
> 
> Apparantly wifes sister is telling her she should seek legal advice and prepare her position in case i don't come around and forgive and forget. Wifes sister is offering the services of her lawyer and gave her the number. Described him as the best in the State.
> 
> I would like to be a fly on the wall when she calls and gets knocked back by the firm due to me engaging them. This week should be interesting.


That sir is a Sun Tzu move. Bravo!>


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Well done sir. According to your plan, you have tied up every major law firm, so that they cannot offer her any of their services. Wait til she attempts contacting the firm that her sister suggested. That will cause a domino effect, she will start calling law firms only to be rebuffed by the better ones. She will then know that you are not a doormat. I just love, when a wayward spouse assumes that their betrayed spouse will just lay down and allow them to walk up and down their backside. I especially love the freak-out day. The day they realize that while they have been playing checkers, you have been playing a masterful game of chess, and that the moves they thought were cute, were nothing of the sort. I have seen a wife figure out that she had been outfoxed almost from the day that she laid down for her AP. In a meeting in our offices, when the somewhat skewed proposal of asset division came forth. When her side produced document after document, proposed motion after motion, only to be shot down with evidence and fairly shrewd moves. She lost her mind, realized she had been out maneuvered and basically had little defense for her actions in court. And there was not a damn thing she could do to soften her image. We knew that the judge in the case would see how devious she had been, how complict her AP was, and we were in the enviable position to recommend criminal charges if she did not play ball. At the end of it, he got most of the assets, 75/25 bank accounts. She paid back monies that she had siphoned into her parents' accounts (for safe keeping as she put it). AND of course we waited until the divorce was final, we had her undertake to never again reopen custody, asset division, spousal and minor support. Then, a month or so after the divorce was final, did an evidence package find its way to members of the constabulary. We held back some things that our investigators uncovered. Things that she did not know had been discovered. Things that implicated her parents and siblings, and put them all at risk of criminal charges and incarceration.


----------



## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Taxman is one of the people here that you listen to very carefully!

I love Taxman’s heartwarming stories so much. 

Can’t wait for his book to come out!!!!


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

SportsFan, when does she get served?


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

When a partner is as blatant as Sports Fan's, it is not hard to want to see her behavior rewarded in kind. It is a type of mentality that I have developed over forty years seeing good people betrayed by selfish stupid entitled and loathsome partners. One hopes for a conclusion in a courtroom where the wayward gets their butt handed to them by the legal system working for the benefit of the damaged party. Of course I take business from the wayward partner. I am required to be fair and balanced, and pledge to always be on guard for my clients' rights. However, it always does my heart a world of good to see someone whose wrongdoings come back to haunt them. I always have said that if the wayward partner gets away with anything, the universe finds a way of rewarding them. This too I have seen. Brief and to the point, had a vile man I represented several years back. I knew his solicitor, and I knew that the sharks were out for this guy's poor betrayed wife. She had little idea that he had moved assets into corporations and trusts so that she could never access them. He tried to keep her child from her. Every despicable thing, to hurt and humiliate his ex. She did nothing, in my estimation, to deserve it. I could not stand the guy, and eventually asked if he could go to another firm. I don't often fire clients. His ex approached me for some tax work a few years back, and I accepted her business without a second thought. This year, even though he was never father of the year, he saw his son a few times. The boy told his mother that his father has lost a ton of weight, and not in a good way, and takes a lot of medication, and does not look right. She called his brother, and discovered that her ex is in stage 4 liver cancer. Probably has no more than a few months. I hate to say that the good news is that his will directs his entire estate be paid to his son, at age of majority. Until that time, the entire estate is controlled by the boy's mother.


----------



## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

I know for a fact in some states if the kids are a certain age the court will take in account of wich parent the want to live with


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Hey sports fan’s, sorry to see you going through this again. Best wishes for you and your two girls. 

From When you were first on here, I have been waiting for this day. Sorry that it has arrived but glad of your resolution to follow through with divorce. 

So glad of your daughters position in this and the fact that they are backing you up. 

I heard a daughter ask her mom if she would cheat on her dad with a singer. Her mom said yes. The daughter replied good you better. 

So different from your two girls and their mom. 

Prayers are with you and your girls.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Sportsfan, just checking in with you to see how you are doing. Hopefully all is going according to plan and you have had her served. Just spend time with your kids and show them that you love them.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> This has nothing to do with revenge. Realistically I'm looking at 50/50 custody. We have started at full custody and we are prepared to negotiate down to 50/50 split. Yes it would be great if i can have primary custody. I will not expose my children to my wifes silly choices in life. She has 16 years worth of them. She has been lucky i have been around to protect the kids from her mistakes. Not any more i will not be a weekend dad or hand over my kids so she feels she got a fair deal. This has nothing to do with revenge or being spiteful. Its about holding her accountable for her actions and protecting my children.


Good for you. Sorry, I get tired of the "biological mother" peddled from the 70 and 80s. It's why men do not fight for any custody and complain when their paychecks get held hostage. You always start with full, then see where it goes. Currently, I have multiple MALE coworkers and friends with primary or full custody. NOne of them listened to what you just responded to and a few were told by judges they wish more men would fight. It's the laying down and apathy that makes many judges, in my opinion, give full and primary to women.


----------



## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Did your STBX try and hire your law office?


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Hows it going @Sports Fan ?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Would like an update.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

@Sports Fan,

It's been a few days since you were last here. Any updates? Has your wife been served with divorce papers?


----------



## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



TDSC60 said:


> @Sports Fan,
> 
> It's been a few days since you were last here. Any updates? Has your wife been served with divorce papers?


A lot has happened since i was last on here. 

In my country you have to be seperated for 12 months before Divorce papers can be served.

The **** hit the fan when my wife tried to engage the lawyer i hired and was told he was representing me.

Wife and her sister worked their way down the top 5 list of lawyers i had consulted. They both had a total meltdown at me accusing me of fighting dirty etc.

Since the melt down wife has been on her best behavour even mentioning we should try to work out are marriage and not seperate. I have calmly informed her reconciliation is not happening. A couple of days after that conversation she tried to seduce me with sex. I knocked her back and informed her not everything can be fixed with sex.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Good job -- stick to your plan. EXCELLENT with following the advice to hit all the top lawyers in the area!! Glad to see that worked out....


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Yep, the old ***** coma trick.

Nice going


----------



## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> A lot has happened since i was last on here.
> 
> In my country you have to be seperated for 12 months before Divorce papers can be served.
> 
> ...



You may now wish to keep a VAR on you at all times.

Since your soon-to-be ex-wife has now learned how serious you are, has learned that you have prepared yourself well legally, and has seen that you will not succumb to her attempted sexual advances, she may try false accusations of abuse, etc. to either get you to back down or to gain the upper hand.

A VAR may protect you from this possible tactic.


----------



## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Sir, just as predicted. Oh you are playing dirty? No, as with any sport, you are playing to WIN. Your wife now knows that her **** stinks and you are not only onto her, you have successfully interpreted each of her moves and countered them. Now ensure that your great lawyer makes her look like a trained orangutan. Her entitlement, is her undoing. Next time she offers you sex, say that it would be better with a barnyard animal.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



Sports Fan said:


> A lot has happened since i was last on here.
> 
> In my country you have to be seperated for 12 months before Divorce papers can be served.
> 
> ...


This is exactly how it goes, she is going to go from best behavior to underhanded bullcrap. Keep your head on right, you are fighting for your kids.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Agree with all; good job to take action 

Beware, any niceties she shows you now are to try and lull you into any complacency she can.

While she has a knife in her hidden hand, looking for the best way to plunge it into your back, then dance with glee at your pain and gullibility. 

Sorry to put it so bluntly but from the posts I've read it is very likely accurate. 

Hang in there. You can do what's needed.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You are doing great, thank you for updating. Just keep doing what you're doing!


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*

Now, I hate abuse period. This is not condoning anything of the sort and I am glad it happened. Go look at what just happened to Tyreek Hill. The charges against him were just reopened, based on a secret recording given to the news. Keep a recording device on you at all times


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

^^^^^ yep, don't say you weren't warned


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

*Re: Today’s Heartache*



sports fan said:


> a lot has happened since i was last on here.
> 
> In my country you have to be seperated for 12 months before divorce papers can be served.
> 
> ...


var var var var var


----------



## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Good job. Keep moving forward and stay strong.

And listen to everyone else, get a VAR and keep in on you at ALL time!!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Sports Fan, how's it going? How are you and your daughters?


----------

