# The best friend...



## cashybum (Aug 16, 2012)

After 2 years and like 7 divorce attempts.. it's finally happening. My husband moved out 2 months ago and we are getting a divorce. It should be finalized at the end of March. We've figured out an arrangement financially and custody wise and it's going fairly smoothly but it's still hard emotionally on me sometimes. 

The issue I'm facing now is our mutual best friend or I should say his ex best friend. We've all been really close the last 10 years. This guy was friends with him first, but I got to know him really well when we all lived together and have been besties pretty much ever since and it's never really been an issue except for once. 5 years ago, my husband and I had a huge fight over a major financial deal and hadn't spoken for over a week. Me and BFF were trashed and I started bawling over the fight.. he came over to give me a hug and I was a giant idiot and kissed him. Things were about to round 3rd base before I came to my senses and starting freaking out and bawling over that. I told my husband....we didn't talk to bff for about 6 months and then things have been fine since. 

Now BFF has always been there for us both but since my STBX moved out, he has been extremely helpful since I run a farm and have had to learn to do all the "man" stuff by myself. We hang out and do the normal amount of stuff we always did but now I'm starting to get the "vibe" like he wants something more. Multiple people have told me that they thought he was madly in love with me and I just laughed it off because I never saw it that way. I mean, yeah, if I offered him sex he certainly wouldn't have turned it down but I figure that's just a guy thing. He also has always treated me like one of the guys... he tells me stuff about the girls he's "dated" that make me cringe (but also laugh).... he farts constantly and he gives me crap just like one of the guys. We had a few drinks a week ago and I asked him what his intentions were.... but I don't remember the conversation very well. I'm not certain but I think he said he wanted to "date me" after my divorce is finalized.

Here is my dilemma:

I love him dearly...He is my best friend. He has ALWAYS been there for me and has given way more than he's received. We can talk for hours about nothing. He has so many good qualities and there is a part of me that knows he deserves a chance but I AM NOT READY and I don't foresee being ready anytime soon. I am sooo jaded. My ex criticized me every single day. He was extremely controlling and emotionally abusive. It was constant eggshells (why I still miss him sometimes is just baffling). I don't know if I'm being logical or just jaded, but when I think about a future with BFF, I don't see it lasting and that scares the crap out of me because I can't lose him too. His longest relationship was 6 months. He plays goldie locks with his jeeps, motorcycles and guns worse than my ex (which caused major financial tension in the marriage). He gets along great with my son, but always said he never wanted kids. I'm concerned about the tension and drama that could cause with the ex even though my ex has basically unfriended him and already "expects us to hook up". Not to mention, I do kind of want to date other people. I need to make more friends and it would be nice to feel that excitement again.... something to distract me from the fact that my ex hated me so much that he is giving up a lot just to get away from me (yet still tries to booty call me...I'm telling you he is an emotional phucking terrorist). 

I'm a mess. I don't know what to do and I don't want to piss anyone off. Do I put him on hold and risk really pissing him off? Do I give him a shot? Stay celibate forever? How would I navigate through either one of those situations? Whatever I do, my priority is getting comfortable on my own 2 feet financially continuing to run my own business and spending time with my son.

PS: OMG this no sex thing is BRUTAL. I just turned 30 and my libido has gone through the roof! How do people handle this?!


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

What is the cause for the divorce?

That guy is a snake. Pining after his friends wife and kissing her. That's cheating. He needed a punch in the teeth.

Just remember if they cheat with you they'll cheat on you. He's a fantasy for you and just wants the thrill of getting in your pants and will use you. Good luck.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

jdawg2015 said:


> What is the cause for the divorce?
> 
> That guy is a snake. Pining after his friends wife and kissing her. That's cheating. He needed a punch in the teeth.
> 
> Just remember if they cheat with you they'll cheat on you. He's a fantasy for you and just wants the thrill of getting in your pants and will use you. Good luck.


*Give in to this guy, and you'll regret it forever! He's on the make for a quick and easy piece of you, and if he gets it, he'll leave you high and dry for something else more persuable and exciting!

You ex would have done him a severe favor by whipping his a$$ the first time that he tried to "steal home" with you! No "friend" ever attempts to do anything that dishonorable with another man's wife ~ no matter the circumstances!

Trust me ~ he ain't no friend! Far from it!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

I hope you realize how easy it is to see through your BS! Or maybe you don't?!

You're a cheater. It doesn't even matter if you're divorcing. Your marriage has suffered immensely because of your lack of boundaries with this snake of a "best friend".

I feel bad for your husband. He deserves better friends and definitely a better wife.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Tell him the truth regarding how you are feeling. If he leaves then he isn't a friend either.


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

you dont need this drama. you need to let this guy know that you are not going to date him though, do not lead him on. He may decide to move on but this does not sound like a good idea. and if anything happens itll be a rebound situation and yes, it will end badly; possibly as badly as your divorce.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

If he's a good friend he won't be if this escalates and this would end badly. Besides never date a farter.


This whole senario smells bad > >> >


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

There is an unwritten and unspoken rule with friends...you don't date your friends' exes. EVER. EVER.

Did I say ever? lol

This guy is low, and no offense, you shouldn't be entertaining a relationship with a guy who started off first, as your husband's friend. Give yourself time to heal. Find yourself again, without a guy defining it. That is really the best thing for you right now, and then when the right guy comes along again...you will be strong and whole. You're too vulnerable honestly, to enter a relationship of any kind right now. And don't let your libido do your thinking for you. lol


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

cashybum said:


> I don't know if I'm being logical or just jaded, but *when I think about a future with BFF, I don't see it lasting and that scares the crap out of me because I can't lose him too*. His longest relationship was 6 months. He plays goldie locks with his jeeps, motorcycles and guns worse than my ex


You already know the aswer to you own question.

The real question is can you live celibatary for long enough with him around until you find someone else. And probably you need to process your broken relation first before the right new partner can be found.

What his wanting for you concerns I would not bother too much. I think 80% of the men can/want/try to have sex with 80% of the available women ALL THE TIME. Actually I find it special there has not happened more in 10 year. I would advise to keep him as a friend and talk about this very clear so he has the choice to move on as a lover or to stay as a real friend. He will have to satisfy his sexual needs somewhere else. State that very very clear to him, because men are most of the time not very subtle in understanding women. :wink2:


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

I need to add that you are in danger of leading him on, or even giving him sex in return for keeping his attention....

A problem many girls and some women seem to have and which as far as I can see leads quickly to destruction of your self worth AND throwing away the fun and benefits of a good sex life in future relations, because sex will have become a commodity to them.


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## sapientia (Nov 24, 2012)

> I need to add that you are in danger of leading him on, or even giving him sex in return for keeping his attention....


This^.

He's an a$$clown who is taking advantage of a bad situation. Selfish. He's preying on your emotional vulnerability. If he really cared about you, he would leave you alone to heal. Maybe reconnect once you were ready to date.

Huge red flag, but you already know this.


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