# tough sunday morning



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

I stare at my two beautiful children, knowing how good I am with them, how much I love them, how much I loved my wife, how much I did for her, that I loved her from the moment I met her, how we were best friends..and I find it hard to understand why she quit on us, why she left us. I will never understand this divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

In 1974 on a Sunday morning like this my mom left my dad and me and my sister to run away with another man. I never saw her or heard from her again. All these years later I still wonder why. You never stop wondering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## par4 (Mar 8, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> In 1974 on a Sunday morning like this my mom left my dad and me and my sister to run away with another man. I never saw her or heard from her again. All these years later I still wonder why. You never stop wondering.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bandit in the age of the internet have you ever tried looking for her? Curiousity would kill me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

par4 said:


> Bandit in the age of the internet have you ever tried looking for her? Curiousity would kill me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My daughter actually found her biological father on Facebook - in the former USSR


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## still_think_of_her (Mar 10, 2012)

Yeah sunday sucks. I wake up and look at my kids too and wonder how we all got to this place. One minute a family with hopes and dreams and the next a single dad packing up the car to take the kids back to the homewrecker they call mom. It baffles me. I know it will pass and it will get better but there are times when just looking at her sets me off.... WTF.

_ hate sunday mornings_


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

Been a sucky Sunday, ah hell, weekend for me. Son has been gone on a weekend trip with his friends, daughter is away at school so its been me and the pets. Spent my Sunday in the ER with the MIL and stbxh. MIL got sick (all is fine) but as I was sitting there with all of them I kept thinking how odd it felt that we aren't going to be married much longer. Also seems very sad to see his mom become less and less able to take care of herself. I guess thats one of the reasons for our split, so he can be there to take care of her. Everything I read says there's a reason, that this is all part of the "master plan" for my life. I choose to believe that that was part of the reason he moved out. May I'm just grasping, who knows.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

Tough Sunday for me too. Last time I saw my little boy was yesterday morning. I miss him so much. I'll see him tomorrow. We have to take it day by day. But it's tough, I sympathize.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Proud,
What really helped me was when I just stopped asking "why" and "how did this happen". It really helped me to stop focusing on the "should bes" and start just dealing with how things are.

Yes, it sucks. This isn't how you planned your life to be--but, this is how it is. Let's try to find something positive, focus on that, and stop dwelling on things you can't change. 

You will have bad days...but, just tell yourself, "Yep, I am having a bad day.",take a deep breath, and *try* to move forward in a positive direction.

You can do this--you just need to try to stop this train of thought. I am worried about you, because you seem to be stuck in this pattern of thinking. 

Things are going to get better for you, but only if you do things to make your life better.


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## Wildflower3 (Nov 20, 2011)

For me too Proud. Early morning, hitting golf balls with my oldest (4 1/2) while the two younger ones played in the yard. Thinking to myself that we should all be out here together enjoying the Sunday morning, drinking coffee, watching the kids play. 

The neighbors have noticed that he's not around. Makes it worse when they walk by with that sympathetic look on their faces asking how we all are. 

It'll pass. We'll all be okay, Proud...


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## SockMonkey (Feb 18, 2010)

Sunday kind of sucked for me too. I was at work, going between thinking I was going to throw up from nerves, or cry, and I had to listen to people complain about prices, or a tooth ache or something trivial.
I wanted to tell them to shut up. 

Well, here's hoping that Monday shapes up better for us all than Sunday did.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> In 1974 on a Sunday morning like this my mom left my dad and me and my sister to run away with another man. I never saw her or heard from her again. All these years later I still wonder why. You never stop wondering.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn... that has to hurt. 
I am wondering between her and your stbxw can you trust women? They certainly didn't help you w/ that issue?


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

jpr said:


> Proud,
> What really helped me was when I just stopped asking "why" and "how did this happen". It really helped me to stop focusing on the "should bes" and start just dealing with how things are.
> 
> Yes, it sucks. This isn't how you planned your life to be--but, this is how it is. Let's try to find something positive, focus on that, and stop dwelling on things you can't change.
> ...


My first counselor kept telling me to stop "shoulding on myself" so every time you think I should have...you are basically knocking yourself unless you can learn and change things for the next time.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Mama,
You are right, I can't change the past, I can't change what I said or didn't say, just focus on today. Today will drive the future.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

I went to bed upset last night and woke up upset.

I wish there were a definite timetable on going through this process.

I find myself dreading the future more and more rather than clinging to the past.

This will be my first time on my own, completely independent.


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

Looks like everyone had a bad Sunday.
I laid in bed for far too long and when I woke up I realized that I was out of coffee (juice of life), so off to the store I went. Used to be if I was headed to the store on Sunday mornings I was grabbing stuff to make french toast or something for the ex-wife (her favorite, and I loved making it for her), so that brought the depression on. Came home, made breakfast and sat and watched TV for a bit.
After I cleaned up, the depression came on hard. Started having visions of her waking up with the OM. Them cuddleing up, deciding to go to brunch at _our_ favorite brunch place... sh!t like that. I had a major meltdown. Punched the wall really hard (I need to stop doing that...), cried in the bathroom for awhile, yelled at myself in the mirror to just accept that this is over, really over. She's gone, its done, that I should be mad at her, not at myself, that this wasn't my fault. Scared my cats really bad with all the yelling, they were both hiding under the bed.
Once I finally picked myself off the floor (literally), I decided to go for a run. Back in the fall my ex and I had started training for a marathon, but stopped really running when the snow came on hard. During this hell, I'd been running on the treadmill a bit, but never outside. So yesterday I ran about four miles on the road, kicked my a$$, but I felt pretty good when I got home. Showered and thought, "Its a damn nice day." Went and pulled the Miata out, dropped the top and went for a drive.
Ended up and my grandmothers for dinner, she's a tough broad and she just kept on pushing me to cut the sh!t and start moving on with my life. She pushed me to let her come over to my place while I'm working this week and she'd go through all the stuff I've pack for the move and chuck out anything that I "didn't" need because I needed to make that break with all the crap that I've been holding on to, and I wasn't doing it. After a few beers, I renegged, I'm assuming she's over there now.
When I finally got home at night, I stood there in the bedroom door looking at the bed. The bed we'd shared for six years. I decided I couldn't do it anymore, went into the basement and grabbed one of my camping pads, threw it on the living room floor and slept there last night. Pretty good sleep (its a nice pad). I think Saturday night was the last night I'll ever sleep in that bed or that room. Woke up this morning feeling pretty good. Hopefully that starts to stick.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Wow, SRN, you've taken some really big steps! Good for you. And your grandmother sounds wonderful! It's great that she's able to give you some help. Hang in there.


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

I hope so. I hope yesterday was a turning point. F*cking sick of the depression. Of the longing for her. After what she did, how could I _ever_ love someone like that again? I know, for a fact, that my move will be a big shift in my mindset. Cutting those visual cues for memories.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

SRN said:


> Looks like everyone had a bad Sunday.
> I laid in bed for far too long and when I woke up I realized that I was out of coffee (juice of life), so off to the store I went. Used to be if I was headed to the store on Sunday mornings I was grabbing stuff to make french toast or something for the ex-wife (her favorite, and I loved making it for her), so that brought the depression on. Came home, made breakfast and sat and watched TV for a bit.
> After I cleaned up, the depression came on hard. Started having visions of her waking up with the OM. Them cuddleing up, deciding to go to brunch at _our_ favorite brunch place... sh!t like that. I had a major meltdown. Punched the wall really hard (I need to stop doing that...), cried in the bathroom for awhile, yelled at myself in the mirror to just accept that this is over, really over. She's gone, its done, that I should be mad at her, not at myself, that this wasn't my fault. Scared my cats really bad with all the yelling, they were both hiding under the bed.
> Once I finally picked myself off the floor (literally), I decided to go for a run. Back in the fall my ex and I had started training for a marathon, but stopped really running when the snow came on hard. During this hell, I'd been running on the treadmill a bit, but never outside. So yesterday I ran about four miles on the road, kicked my a$$, but I felt pretty good when I got home. Showered and thought, "Its a damn nice day." Went and pulled the Miata out, dropped the top and went for a drive.
> ...



Nice. I can relate with your emotions. How long will I seem stuck? I guess as long as I allow myself to feel trapped by my thoughts instead of beating it out of me.

Can I borrow your grandmother?

:smthumbup:


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I made the STBXW take the bed. So when her and the OM are in the new place they can enjoy the used furniture.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Good for you Traggy....when I move to my more permanent place, I'm buying a new bed, can't wait. I did miss my old king size bed, but after thinking about what might have happened between her and someone else, just makes me want to vomit


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## SRN (Mar 20, 2012)

Jayb said:


> Nice. I can relate with your emotions. How long will I seem stuck? I guess as long as I allow myself to feel trapped by my thoughts instead of beating it out of me.
> 
> Can I borrow your grandmother?
> 
> :smthumbup:


Ask yourself, "Can I live like this?" If the answer is no, stop. Easier said than done, god I know. But beating yourself up does know good. Literally, my knuckles are nice and bruised from that wall punch.

She's a great woman and has really been tough on me through all this, which is what I've needed. I wish I could lend her out, but I think the rental fee would be to high for most people.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

par4 said:


> Bandit in the age of the internet have you ever tried looking for her? Curiousity would kill me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No. That chapter is closed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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