# When a man knows he's attractive...



## RandomDude

What do you ladies think of him? Do you admire his confidence? Do you despise him? Tell all 
Do you think he's conceited?

Open answers


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## ScarletBegonias

RandomDude said:


> What do you ladies think of him? Do you admire his confidence? Do you despise him? Tell all
> Do you think he's conceited?
> 
> Open answers


I think knowing you're attractive can be positive and negative depending on how you carry yourself and express yourself.

A man who walks around stepping on everyone simply bc he's good looking and can have anyone he wants is not sexy. I like when a guy considers himself average. Keeps him humble 

Same goes for ladies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## heartsbeating

When a man has a way about him that can put others at ease because of the type of person he is, who's grounded and can demonstrate grace..... I'm thinking that type of man, that type of attractive man, likely doesn't focus so much on knowing he's attractive, which in turn, will make him more attractive by default.


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## RandomDude

Heh yeah it's not wise to be an arrogant bastard, though recently a lady friend commented that one of my problems is that I'm too picky when I know what I have. I replied that it really depends on the mood, I have my bad days, and I'm not always confident. In fact, I've arely taken chances with women, I've always relied on my gut for the green light waiting for the right signals.

Super-confident guys don't do that, I don't think anyways. Anyways she's an old friend who knew me and my STBX even before I met her, so she knows what I'm like, which makes me a bit wary when she makes judgements like that. I don't know...

Sure, one doesn't want to be over-confident but sometimes one just can't tell when he's giving the wrong signals. Like hey, I can still get numbers, approach women where-ever they are and make conversation. I learnt that in sales, but that's not really confidence, just experience.

My friend's not happy about what happened between my wife and I, but she insists that I've closed doors to alot of women in the past, and that I shouldn't keep preaching marriage sucks when I haven't really tried at all (in her opinion, as I don't commit to anyone nor give them a chance at a relationship if I don't find that they have a LONG-TERM sexual potential)

She also disapproves of my decisions to have friends with benefits (and no, with her, we just DON'T go there, she's like a big sister), and she's right that it's not what I really want. I don't know, but thanks for the reply.


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## tobio

I think what you need to remember is just because a man "knows" he's attractive, it doesn't necessarily mean that every woman he encounters is going to find him attractive.

I've encountered guys like this and a lot of those walk round flashing the smiles like every single woman they walk past is going to start fainting at their feet especially if she smiles at him. To me it's actually a turn-off.

I prefer someone who's more just getting on with what they're doing, makes them more interesting. But I actually prefer the more quirky looking guy so I'm probably a little different in that regard.


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## RandomDude

Aye, and I hate women like that too, I just wonder if I'm like that in some ways and I just don't know it.

Ah hell maybe I'll ask my friend next week but then she'll probably go "what? did what I say get you thinking?" and probably start laughing, and make me bug her for a straight answer -.-
Bah mates... *sigh*

Or maybe she's just talking sh-t, she does that alot. Still, since I'm not committed anymore I'm more conscious of these things.


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## wifeiam

If he knows he's attractive in a way that everyone else knows that he thinks he's attractive (not talking a close friend or spouse where they have had an open conversation about it) it would be a turn off. Like a pea**** and that behavior to me is girlish and not always attractive on a woman either but for me not on a man for sure.


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## RandomDude

Well, I can admit on a few things, like I muck around alot -> for example a woman may comment that she didn't expect me to be this or that, and I may say something like: "oh come on, I'm not just a pretty face", etc etc

Is that bad? Besides sometimes it breaks ice when one doesn't one's self seriously, and hell I know I don't have some kind of dream muscle body, but I also know that it doesn't always matter, I accept what I have and what I can work on and allow myself pride in it.

Does that spell conceited? =/


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## LouAnn Poovy

RandomDude said:


> What do you ladies think of him? Do you admire his confidence? Do you despise him? Tell all
> Do you think he's conceited?
> 
> Open answers


My definition of an attractive man: possess confidence, intelligence, humor, energy, sparkling eyes, and very subtle sexiness. He may or may not be a beautiful physical specimen. 

A truly physically handsome man does nothing for me. I *usually* dismiss them thinking they are conceited, shallow, and not too bright. That has been my experience.


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## RandomDude

LouAnn Poovy said:


> A truly physically handsome man does nothing for me. I *usually* dismiss them thinking they are conceited, shallow, and not too bright. That has been my experience.


=/

Ironically that's actually why sometimes I use the line "oh come on, I'm not just a pretty face"
:slap:
It always meant "Don't judge me based on my looks" - that's the tone when I deliver it. This doesn't make me conceited does it?

Like sure, I'm confident with my looks, but I don't THINK I'm over-confident - still correct me please if I'm wrong and I don't see it! I need to know if I'm giving bad impressions!


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## WyshIknew

Don't want to jack, but I think this is appropriate within this thread.

What about the opposite?

When a man knows or thinks he isn't attractive, is that a turn off at all?
Not talking about general confidence but just aware that he isn't terribly good looking.


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## committed4ever

I think it depends on your personality. My husband is very attractive and has game naturally but he has never been the life of the party or anything like that. But he is very infectious one on one. He doesn't act conceited at all but most people are drawn to him when they get to know him even men. But yet I will say he knows he's good looking but he sincerely think good looks don't get you far. 

Random I think some women like it if you know and some don't. Also depends on how you handle the knowledge.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## committed4ever

WyshIknew said:


> Don't want to jack, but I think this is appropriate within this thread.
> 
> What about the opposite?
> 
> When a man knows or thinks he isn't attractive, is that a turn off at all?
> Not talking about general confidence but just aware that he isn't terribly good looking.


Again what does he do with the knowledge? Does he he have confidence in who he is on the inside? That's just as attractive in my opinion. The biggest turn off to me would be trying to be extra kind to make up for it. That would come off as a wimp.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew

Yes, always felt confident, apart from my down times.

Just never ever felt I was physically attractive, always felt a bit fugly to be honest.


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## Mavash.

I'm concerned when anyone thinks they are attractive male or female. In my experience those type people tend to think they deserve preferential treatment just because they look good. I find that attitude a complete turn off.

There is a difference between healthy self esteem vs thinking everyone wants you. One is internal the other external. One is factual the other is a huge assumption.

I can honestly say I haven't encountered too many people like this in my life. I'm guessing they avoid me because looks are only worth ONE point in my scorecard. It's simply not enough for me to build a relationship on. I need more than that. Character, morals, kindness, work ethic, personal habits, personality, etc. are just a few of the things that are important to me. Looks might get you a conversation with me but its not enough to keep me interested.


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## 1971

RandomDude said:


> What do you ladies think of him? Do you admire his confidence? Do you despise him? Tell all
> Do you think he's conceited?
> 
> Open answers



For me, Im more interested in what's between his ears and how big is heart is.


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## committed4ever

WyshIknew said:


> Yes, always felt confident, apart from my down times.
> 
> Just never ever felt I was physically attractive, always felt a bit fugly to be honest.


I don't think it matters. My attraction to my H began at the age of 14 when he saw my look of sheer panic on my first day of high school. The late bell had rung, someone else had my locker so I had to carry my stuff which I proceeded to drop. I had no idea where my next class was and the girl walking with him said " must be a freshman" but he stop to pick up my stuff and told me "Don't worry it will get easier "

Much more to the story but he could have been a frog at that moment and I still would have been hook for life!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash.

WyshIknew said:


> Don't want to jack, but I think this is appropriate within this thread.
> 
> What about the opposite?
> 
> When a man knows or thinks he isn't attractive, is that a turn off at all?
> Not talking about general confidence but just aware that he isn't terribly good looking.


Maybe I'm odd but I find all kinds of men attractive even those who aren't terribly good looking. If their head is held high, they look me in the eye, can carry on an intelligent conversation, there is potential.

My only shallow point is weight. I don't like fat men. 20 pounds is one thing but if you need to lose 50+ pounds that's a turn off.


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## committed4ever

Mavash. said:


> I'm concerned when anyone thinks they are attractive male or female. In my experience those type people tend to think they deserve preferential treatment just because they look good. I find that attitude a complete turn off.
> 
> There is a difference between healthy self esteem vs thinking everyone wants you. One is internal the other external. One is factual the other is a huge assumption.
> 
> I can honestly say I haven't encountered too many people like this in my life. I'm guessing they avoid me because looks are only worth ONE point in my scorecard. It's simply not enough for me to build a relationship on. I need more than that. Character, morals, kindness, work ethic, personal habits, personality, etc. are just a few of the things that are important to me. Looks might get you a conversation with me but its not enough to keep me interested.


I think thats a huge assumption to think someone who knows they are attractive also expect preferential treatment. It also a huge assumption to think they think everyone wants them. Would you say the same about someone who knows they have a fit and hot body? I mean come on if you are attractive what are the chances that you go through life never know it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash.

committed4ever said:


> I think thats a huge assumption to think someone who knows they are attractive also expect preferential treatment. It also a huge assumption to think they think everyone wants them. Would you say the same about someone who knows they have a fit and hot body? I mean come on if you are attractive what are the chances that you go through life never know it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Did you read my post? 

I've known only a few people that did this and I'm 46. 

And yes it was a turn off. 

Be hot, know your hot, own it but don't EXPECT me to give a crap about it.


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## LouAnn Poovy

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Ironically that's actually why sometimes I use the line "oh come on, I'm not just a pretty face"
> :slap:
> It always meant "Don't judge me based on my looks" - that's the tone when I deliver it. This doesn't make me conceited does it?
> 
> Like sure, I'm confident with my looks, but I don't THINK I'm over-confident - still correct me please if I'm wrong and I don't see it! I need to know if I'm giving bad impressions!


Said in a joking, playful, almost bashful way, no it would not come off as conceited. All depends on the delivery, tone, atmosphere. 

Do you strut into a room, chest puffed out, scan the room like you are looking for your target, find her, nod your chin up as you gaze up and down her body? Then you say that line? Huh, creepy then.


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## LouAnn Poovy

Mavash. said:


> *I'm concerned when anyone thinks they are attractive male or female. In my experience those type people tend to think they deserve preferential treatment just because they look good. I find that attitude a complete turn off.*
> 
> ........


A lot times they GET preferential treatment which feeds into their assumption that they deserve it. 

My first boss in 1980 told me, all things being equal, I hire the prettiest girls. Even then, at 16, I felt that was wrong. I asked him, so you didn't think I'd be the better employee, you just liked how I looked more than anyone else that applied? He told me it was just as easy to hire a pretty person as it was an ugly one, and why would he want to look at an ugly person all day? Lost all respect for him after that conversation. I actually still know him, and he's still a creepy guy.


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## Faithful Wife

Dude, I just wish you could stop worrying about women at all and spend time on yourself, your child, your OTHER interests and hobbies...get more in touch with the rest of your life. You are not even divorced yet. Yeah, I get it, it is hard to go without sex. But you really don't seem to have spent any time at all NOT worrying about women and sex since the day you separated from your wife.

Can you find happiness in other areas of your life for awhile?


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## Mavash.

I worked for a firm that hired only tall attractive people. Seriously.

I get that attractive people get preferential treatment it's the ones who expect it that annoy me.

My best friend is like that with everyone but me. Yeah she's hot and knows it. She uses her looks to get preferential treatment and while I understand why she does it I don't like it. I cringe at some of her stories.


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## committed4ever

Mavash. said:


> Did you read my post?
> 
> I've known only a few people that did this and I'm 46.
> 
> And yes it was a turn off.
> 
> Be hot, know your hot, own it but don't EXPECT me to give a crap about it.


Yes and I just re-read and would still say the same thing. Your second post left that part out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LouAnn Poovy

Mavash - My daughter (late 20's), who is by all accounts hot, always gets preferential treatment by men, but women shun her. It's maddening to see how the men will trip over themselves to serve her. At the beach the chair guys can't get her umbrella and chairs up fast enough. Eating out, the waiters offer free drinks and linger as long as possible at the table. Now, go in a shop, and the sales ladies might look at her, but not approach her to ask if she needs help, but a man working there will. The funny thing is, she actually treats the men with barely concealed contempt, she says it gets old to have so much attention focused on her when these people don't know her at all, they only like how she looks. But she is definitely used to getting special treatment and does use it to her advantage if she feels like it.


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## Snow cherry

If a man gives off the vibe that he knows he's attractive, I am turned off.
I am attracted to men that roll out of bed and get ready in 5 minutes and just look like a regular man...clean looking but not the type that stares at himself in the mirror. 
Which is odd because I won't leave the house until every strand of hair is in place and I look just so...
But someone's personality and energy they give off is what makes someone attractive. I tend to be attracted to unique looking men and not someone with model looks. I've even been attracted to someone that most women would not be.


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## SimplyAmorous

1971 said:


> For me, Im more interested in what's between his ears and how big is heart is.


 Looks DO matter to me to a certain threshold....enough so that if I saw such a man across the room, I would think ...."mmmmm he ain't too bad"...just for the physical chemistry aspect....I need some of that going on ...but he has to have the  & at least a wealth of common sense /some wits about him...or it all falls apart. 

What I find uber attractive is a man who genuinely LIKES who he is...(even if he is not Praised by all the women or the life of the party)...a quiet confidence is beautiful.....A man who treats everyone as his equal.... doesn't pander to the "popular"... treats the outcast as a friend, and who doesn't jump in the sack with all the pretties JUST CAUSE HE CAN... Now that man I would respect...and think to myself... "OH baby, what a Catch!"



LouAnn Poovy said:


> A truly physically handsome man does nothing for me. I *usually* dismiss them thinking they are conceited, shallow, and not too bright. That has been my experience.


 When I see a very attractive man, I am guilty of assuming he is conceited & likely a Player... but it's never that black & white...as life goes...so I notice his surroundings/ who he is with...how he is acting... There are gorgeous looking men who take no care to their looks, it's an afterthought.... are humble, smart and very giving. 



WyshIknew said:


> Don't want to jack, but I think this is appropriate within this thread.
> 
> What about the opposite?
> 
> When a man knows or thinks he isn't attractive, is that a turn off at all?
> Not talking about general confidence but just aware that he isn't terribly good looking.


There is a balance as in all things... some can take it way too far....This is a true story..

My husband used to work with a guy who would go around and call himself a "FUD"..... Never forget the day... standing there in the grocery store aisle...while he stocked shelves, I asked him..."what does that stand for"...His reply....."A FAT UGLY DORK" .... 

I just thought... Oh My, I was taken a back for a moment....... I know I told him he wasn't... and honestly...HE WASN'T any of those things at all..... his voice and even his looks always reminded me of David Schwimmer from "FRIENDS"...I even said this to my husband on occassion.... similar to this picture >>







...so I told him that, trying to encourage him....as it was  to me that he felt THIS BAD about himself...he wasn't overweight, he was a little odd ... but with some confidence..it would have upped many things.. it does matter HOW we see ourselves. 



> *Snow cherry said:* I tend to be attracted to unique looking men and not someone with model looks. I've even been attracted to someone that most women would not be.


 Me too, my husband has even told me not to compare him to some of my earlier crushes.... it's embarrassing.


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## RandomDude

Interesting, throughout my life I've also found most women are unlike men in a sense that alot of the attraction is via personality. When I was growing up in my teens until 16 I pretty much had no game - had no idea in how to talk to women even until I finally found someone, so even when girls flirted with me even if I found them cute I always 'acted' dumb and stupid... which I was lol

But teenagers... I guess I can be forgiven 
I also know my limits, like even after maturing into adulthood I was never a wiz with the ladies. Sales gave me the experience/knowledge to tackle that issue, but even then, I still have to work the "law of averages", there's always going to be women who say no. Just not often 

... I'm kidding I'm kidding!

Anyways as such, the very idea of being a conceited man repulses me... and now come to think of it I'm rather INSULTED by my friend. Or maybe she was just trying to get me to stop having impossible standards for women nowadays, wants me to move on from my STBX.

Meh I don't know, but thanks guys.



> Do you strut into a room, chest puffed out, scan the room like you are looking for your target, find her, nod your chin up as you gaze up and down her body? Then you say that line? Huh, creepy then.


:rofl:

Maybe the next time me and my mates go out I'll make this scenario into a dare


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## Amplexor

Southern Comfort 'Beach' TV ad 60 sec advert - YouTube


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## RandomDude

How about this:

Old Spice Deodorant Advert - 2011 - "The Man Your Man Could Smell Like..." - YouTube

 Classic


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## Caribbean Man

tobio said:


> I think what you need to remember is just because a man "knows" he's attractive, it doesn't necessarily mean that every woman he encounters is going to find him attractive.
> 
> I've encountered guys like this and a lot of those walk round flashing the smiles like every single woman they walk past is going to start fainting at their feet especially if she smiles at him. To me it's actually a turn-off.
> 
> I prefer someone who's more just getting on with what they're doing, makes them more interesting. But I actually prefer the more quirky looking guy so I'm probably a little different in that regard.


:iagree:

I agree fully with this response.
What I've noticed in my lifetime is that women differ on what they think is an attractive man. And even when they initially find a man attractive, if he does not have certain attributes that they are attracted to , he can be a huge turn off for them in the long run.


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## SimplyAmorous

coffee4me said:


> What I found dating post divorce. The thing I find most unattractive in a man is if he bashes his X. That phrase runs throught my mind, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". I've been surprised at the number of men I have encountered that don't realize how they sound.
> 
> Some men don't realize that they could be the most physically attractive man but attitude makes them ugly.


I had 2 GF's who did this, I told them both they are sinking their own ship every time they meet a man. I can see some of this once they get on / into a committed relationship, if they have been very hurt/ betrayed... opening up but if they are incapable of admitting any fault on their own end.../ what they have learned- from the whole experience... something is off... it always takes 2...or at the very least....they jumped too soon, made a mistake & tried to hold on.

I agree.... Attitude...and a little humility (nobody seems to like that word) speaks volumes.


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## Cosmos

There's a difference between exhibiting confidence / healthy self-esteem and exhibiting conceitedness. The latter is usually borne of a lack of the former qualities and the person feels that all they have to commend them is their outward appearance.

IMO, there's far more to true attractiveness than physical appearance alone.


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## treyvion

Cosmos said:


> There's a difference between exhibiting confidence / healthy self-esteem and exhibiting conceitedness. The latter is usually borne of a lack of the former qualities and the person feels that all they have to commend them is their outward appearance.
> 
> IMO, there's far more to true attractiveness than physical appearance alone.


Would you rather someone who is attractive be insecure and keep thinking their ugly?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cosmos

> Originally Posted by Cosmos View Post
> There's a difference between exhibiting confidence / healthy self-esteem and exhibiting conceitedness. The latter is usually borne of a lack of the former qualities and the person feels that all they have to commend them is their outward appearance.
> 
> IMO, there's far more to true attractiveness than physical appearance alone.





> Would you rather someone who is attractive be insecure and keep thinking their ugly?


Of course not! How did you gain that impression from what I posted?:scratchhead:


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## heartsbeating

Snow cherry said:


> But someone's personality and energy they give off is what makes someone attractive. I tend to be attracted to unique looking men and not someone with model looks. I've even been attracted to someone that most women would not be.


This is how I feel too .......personality, energy, presence, and observing how someone interacts with others are really what I consider as part of one's attractiveness.

With the question about what if someone doesn't think they're attractive? Well, to me it's still kind of the same answer. The focus is less on the appearance and more on the type of person they are. Most of us have insecurities in some form or another but generally speaking, someone who is comfortable enough within themselves, who is joyful to be around, will stand out and attract others to them.


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## heartsbeating

However it's a personal preference to me that a guy is somewhat in shape though. For me this relates to lifestyle as well as physically attraction.


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## nosmallchoice

Forgive me if this has already been covered, I haven't read all responses..

We all agree that conceited attitude is not attractive.

More so - The problem with men that know they are attractive is how easily they dismiss a potentially great girl for dating, someone that could be everything they wanted, because she might not be as attractive as he is in one way or another. It is a superficial shallowness that I can't stand.


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## RandomDude

> More so - The problem with men that know they are attractive is how easily they dismiss a potentially great girl for dating, someone that could be everything they wanted, because she might not be as attractive as he is in one way or another. It is a superficial shallowness that I can't stand.


My friend feels the same way, and accuses me of this


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## nosmallchoice

RandomDude said:


> My friend feels the same way, and accuses me of this


Good friends can see our flaws better than we can. If your friend is accusing you of this, she just might have a point. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude

Sure, hence this thread. But I know I also can't choose who I'm attracted to, and would rather be alone then to waste a woman's time unable to give her what she desires. Is that really shallow?


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## memyselfandi

I've never been attracted in the least bit to overly attractive men whether they work out in the gym daily...overdo their hair..or have to dress in the latest style. To me it's a turnoff.

Give me a man with ripped jeans...caumaflage..wearing a hat to cover up his hair..yep..now that's hot!! Give me a man that works construction and comes off the site in a pair of ripped jeans...yep again.

Forget all the smelly ass cologne..perfect hair..gym made muscles, etc. ane throw me a man that comes out of the woods..off the jobsite..etc..making my girls all jealous wishing he was their Diet Coke Break?? Yep..that be MY man..and soo yummy at that!!


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## RandomDude

^ I find it ironic too actually that such men do sometimes intimidate/threaten me when I'm out there in terms of competition, like I go "damn, there's a 10 in the room, now I just lost a few points out of 10", and my confidence begins to waver

It makes me wonder why my friend is accusing me of being such a man at the same time :scratchhead:


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## diwali123

I wouldn't date anyone who outranks me in terms of looks. I don't want to be with someone who walks around with their sex rank in their head; notices the rank of other men and is insecure about it. That seems very off putting. 

Couples need to be about the same level or it won't work. When I was much younger I was quite hot and went for the rich pretty boy guys a few too many times. 

Now I tend to associate a man who could be an objective 10 with being overly concerned with his looks, shallow, not much going on upstairs, judgmental. I could be wrong but it doesn't matter because they wouldn't date me anyway.  

I am not your target audience by any stretch of the imagination. I do think you need to stay close to what you feel is your level. No woman wants to feel like she has been settled for.


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## Lon

I have never thought of myself as exceptionally attractive, but certainly above average as far as general looks and nice features. I haven't aged as nicely as I would have liked though (too much stress, lack of sleep and poor fitness/nutrition) and I now rank lower than what I was used to from my youth.

The giveaway is the reaction of groups of women who start discretely gawking and blushing among themselves when some hot guy struts in, and remembering the time when the same demographic wouldn't have acted like that around me before because back then I was the attractive one they were probably gushing on and playing coy with.

When you get a look behind the curtain of a group of women who are phased by an attractive man it's pretty easy to figure out you barely have a place in the backdrop.


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## RandomDude

I haven't aged nicely at all either, white hairs (I blame my STBX and all her plucking) everywhere. I'm thinking of dying it just to make myself look younger.


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## PreRaphaelite

Women and Men who are aware of their sex rank (and impressed by it) are usually the ones I have no time for.

I haven't dated or slept with many hotties in my time, but I've had a few. Mr. Happy certainly got off a lot with them, but I also found them to be less satisfying after the first few encounters. THe women I have found the sexiest and that I wanted to be with the most were not the most attractive right off the bat.


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## Suspecting

RandomDude said:


> =/
> 
> Ironically that's actually why sometimes I use the line "oh come on, I'm not just a pretty face"
> :slap:
> It always meant "Don't judge me based on my looks" - that's the tone when I deliver it. This doesn't make me conceited does it?
> 
> Like sure, I'm confident with my looks, but I don't THINK I'm over-confident - still correct me please if I'm wrong and I don't see it! I need to know if I'm giving bad impressions!


I think that goes into a self-praise territory. IMO It comes off as flaunting and is quite arrogant to say it like that. Why do you think people are that shallow that they are going to judge you from your looks? When a very attractive woman comes to talk to me I can usually tell from the first 30 seconds if I'd like her or not. If she'd start with that same sentence as yours, well...


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## Stella Moon

memyselfandi said:


> I've never been attracted in the least bit to overly attractive men whether they work out in the gym daily...overdo their hair..or have to dress in the latest style. To me it's a turnoff.
> 
> Give me a man with ripped jeans...caumaflage..wearing a hat to cover up his hair..yep..now that's hot!! Give me a man that works construction and comes off the site in a pair of ripped jeans...yep again.
> 
> Forget all the smelly ass cologne..perfect hair..gym made muscles, etc. ane throw me a man that comes out of the woods..off the jobsite..etc..making my girls all jealous wishing he was their Diet Coke Break?? Yep..that be MY man..and soo yummy at that!!



Yeap! Preach it! 


I was married to that cut...gym...model...beautiful...could drink his bath water guy...he was seriously beautiful...everyone knew it...he knew it...
He was the most ugly person you ever knew on the inside...and conceit...vain, arrogant (omg)...and I was 'stupid'.... wtf I was thinking....'no idea'....

Now:... I'm back to what I liked prior...I like some muscle on my guy...lean...some 'cut'...but dirty...hard working...the laughter and kindness they bear...the self confidence in 'who' they are...and a killer smile...ripped jeans...yep...kindness...and how they 'treat' you...is a beauty all it's own... I sure learned that..


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## committed4ever

LanieB said:


> Here's my opinion on this , and you can take it with a grain of salt. Don't dye your hair! Isn't there a saying? - something about women with grey hair looking like hags while men look distinguished! (and not all women look like hags - some can pull it off quite nicely.)
> 
> I'm getting a few grey hairs myself, and when it gets bad I'm gonna totally color it! I can honestly say that I have never seen an attractive man with grey hair and thought "He would be so much more attractive if he dyed his hair." But that's just me. You can probably pull off grey better than you think.


As a 27 year old I totally agree!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karma*girl

^^That happens to women too...but if you really think about it, there's only ONE you...no other '10' in the room is going to take anything away from what you are. 
I sometimes worry about that when, for example, I'm out with my husband & I feel like I look pretty hot..then in walks someone who is this or that..something I see as better than what I have... it instantly puts a wrench in my confidence. However, I get out of it pretty quickly because I know I'm attractive, have a good-vibe & am unique..that helps get me over those moments of insecurity.

I know I'm coming into this late, but the "pretty face" comment you mentioned reveals a lot about you to a person right off the bat. Not necessarily what you want to portray though..it instantly makes you come off as conceited. If you wish to come across as a man of character, try NOT mentioning your looks at all.

Like the above poster said, guys who are just themselves without trying overly hard are Sooo attractive, not the primped & 'perfected' ones. I like a manly man...and that doesn't include calculation of every part of his looks or attitude. Just be your natural-born hot self & relax! : )
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnjoliWoman

For the most part I am not attracted to people in general who obviously know their own attractiveness and flaunt it. 

Confidence vs. arrogant are very different. VERY generally speaking, confident people tend to be confident in WHO they are where arrogant people are attention/affirmation seekers.

There are attractive people who are confident in who they are (the insides) and confidence comes through without seeming arrogant or ****y. But I find most highly physically attractive people have gotten compliments most of their life and put most of their self-worth in their looks so actually lack confidence in who they are and instead seek validation by being show-offs and arrogant.

I'd take an average, confident, pleasant every day guy any day - he'll be more self-assured and nice to be around.


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## committed4ever

> I'd take an average, confident, pleasant every day guy any day - he'll be more self-assured and nice to be around.


Over a good looking,confident pleasant guy?


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## EnjoliWoman

committed4ever said:


> Over a good looking,confident pleasant guy?


Probably. It's a personal perception thing.


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## RandomDude

LanieB said:


> Here's my opinion on this , and you can take it with a grain of salt. Don't dye your hair! Isn't there a saying? - something about women with grey hair looking like hags while men look distinguished! (and not all women look like hags - some can pull it off quite nicely.)
> 
> I'm getting a few grey hairs myself, and when it gets bad I'm gonna totally color it! I can honestly say that I have never seen an attractive man with grey hair and thought "He would be so much more attractive if he dyed his hair." But that's just me. You can probably pull off grey better than you think.


Well, I'm also 27, which makes it rather odd =/
Add that to the fact that it kinda sticks out, oh well


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## Thound

Stella Moon said:


> Yeap! Preach it!
> 
> 
> I was married to that cut...gym...model...beautiful...could drink his bath water guy...he was seriously beautiful...everyone knew it...he knew it...
> He was the most ugly person you ever knew on the inside...and conceit...vain, arrogant (omg)...and I was 'stupid'.... wtf I was thinking....'no idea'....
> 
> Now:... I'm back to what I liked prior...I like some muscle on my guy...lean...some 'cut'...but dirty...hard working...the laughter and kindness they bear...the self confidence in 'who' they are...and a killer smile...ripped jeans...yep...kindness...and how they 'treat' you...is a beauty all it's own... I sure learned that..


Hey! I have several ripped jeans. They keep ripping when I bend over to pick up something. :rofl:


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## just got it 55

LouAnn Poovy said:


> My definition of an attractive man: possess confidence, intelligence, humor, energy, sparkling eyes, and very subtle sexiness. He may or may not be a beautiful physical specimen.
> 
> A truly physically handsome man does nothing for me. I *usually* dismiss them thinking they are conceited, shallow, and not too bright. That has been my experience.


Darn I thought a guy like me would have a shot


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## DvlsAdvc8

Interesting thread. A large number (majority?) of women here don't appear to like prototypically attractive men in general - makes me wonder why they're sold a prototype at all if so many aren't even interested.

My personal ranking of my own attractiveness has never been as high as the women who've said something about my looks appear to rank me. "You don't give yourself enough credit" is a common refrain - especially if they've gotten close enough or I otherwise have no reason/motivation to amp up. That said, there's a circumstantial element to it. If I'm at the club or some other singles outing... if I'm looking to pick someone up, I intentionally get into the mindset that I'm the hottest guy in the room, or at the very least to simply assume whatever girl I'm talking to is into in me. Experience has taught me having this mindset is far more successful. If its not more attractive to think/know you're attractive, I'm not sure why this is the case.

Out and about on an ordinary day I don't really think about whether I'm attractive or not. Feeling attractive or not might show up at the end of the day though, based largely on whether I got some "looks" or positive interactions (read - clear interest) that day or not.

The "not" days always make for good days in the weight room though lol.


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## diwali123

I'm sure there are women who are interested, but they are too busy tanning, getting their nails done, teeth whitened, and looking in the mirror to have time to go online.


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## creative

Here is my take on this labelling ourselves as 'attractive' or 'unattractive'...they are only words we use to describe what we think of ourselves and other people from our minds perspective. Call it an Ego or False Self or what have you but the point is this naming limits us in who we truly are and we believe in this whole "I'm hot, so men/woman will want me" or "I'm not getting attention so I must be ugly". My feelings is, this labelling ourselves and other people is so fake that we spend large chunks of our lives believing in this false sence of ourselves. We often characterise ourselves into these number catagories (HB 10 - Hot Babe 10) , and I see it in PUA forums that this ego that we listen to makes us believe that if we didn't spin the genetic wheel of fortune, and we were not born with this superior good looks, then we are doomed! I feel it is so important to let that thought pattern go, and realise what it truly is...a deception. What the ladies say that it's not the looks that is important, but what is going on inside our minds and hearts in a postive, caring about others kind of mindset. I'm a massive believer in 'changing our thoughts, changes everything'. In a strange way, attracting anyone, beit men or woman; being positive and without sounding crude but loving ourselves and other people, embrassing our past and letting the $hit go, and being at peace with ourselves, I think is what attractiveness is suppose to be in it's real, honest, natural state. We can spend a whole lifetime (and many people have and I have at an earlier stage of my life) chasing this illusion but it's better to change course and focus on what is happening inside and caring little with what reflects back from the mirror or how others look. If you remove the labels, people are all just as they are suppose to be. 

Sorry to blabble on but I see too many people locked in their thoughts of 'this is whats being preached so I better accept it'...I say no, accept your true, honest, loving nature that we all have. What I've come to know is that we are all different and unique, and that is who we are. Remove the labels about other people and ourselves and we are who we are suppose to be....right, Dr Phil has finished his speech


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## Lon

*Re: Re: When a man knows he's attractive...*



creative said:


> Here is my take on this labelling ourselves as 'attractive' or 'unattractive'...they are only words we use to describe what we think of ourselves and other people from our minds perspective. Call it an Ego or False Self or what have you but the point is this naming limits us in who we truly are and we believe in this whole "I'm hot, so men/woman will want me" or "I'm not getting attention so I must be ugly". My feelings is, this labelling ourselves and other people is so fake that we spend large chunks of our lives believing in this false sence of ourselves. We often characterise ourselves into these number catagories (HB 10 - Hot Babe 10) , and I see it in PUA forums that this ego that we listen to makes us believe that if we didn't spin the genetic wheel of fortune, and we were not born with this superior good looks, then we are doomed! I feel it is so important to let that thought pattern go, and realise what it truly is...a deception. What the ladies say that it's not the looks that is important, but what is going on inside our minds and hearts in a postive, caring about others kind of mindset. I'm a massive believer in 'changing our thoughts, changes everything'. In a strange way, attracting anyone, beit men or woman; being positive and without sounding crude but loving ourselves and other people, embrassing our past and letting the $hit go, and being at peace with ourselves, I think is what attractiveness is suppose to be in it's real, honest, natural state. We can spend a whole lifetime (and many people have and I have at an earlier stage of my life) chasing this illusion but it's better to change course and focus on what is happening inside and caring little with what reflects back from the mirror or how others look. If you remove the labels, people are all just as they are suppose to be.
> 
> Sorry to blabble on but I see too many people locked in their thoughts of 'this is whats being preached so I better accept it'...I say no, accept your true, honest, loving nature that we all have. What I've come to know is that we are all different and unique, and that is who we are. Remove the labels about other people and ourselves and we are who we are suppose to be....right, Dr Phil has finished his speech


Of course, tall dark handsome men have a knack for causing most women to decide what they are thinking and how they feel inside much more quickly 

Just as men decide within a second if they are sexually attracted to a woman or not.


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## rks1

My H is one of those vain conceited guys.

Yes, I was initially attracted to his looks before marriage, though I ultimately married him as I assumed (incorrectly) that he had a kind heart. 

Some months ago I was browsing Facebook, and I came across a profile (on someone else's page) I clicked on the link, and out popped a profile of my husband's (one I wasn't aware of). He used to teach at a college, and was only a few years older than some of his students. He had all these random pictures of himself wearing sunglasses and posing and acting like some sort of 'cool' guy. (He had friends in the past tell him he should model, so it has all gotten into his head.) So many of his female students were writing how handsome he was. He didn't flirt with anyone directly, but was thanking all of them for their kind words. This profile was created only a few weeks after our marriage. I was pretty horrified that my husband didn't even tell me about this profile of his, but was keeping it as a platform for his students to flatter him for his looks. We got into a huge fight over this issue when I confronted him about finding his profile. He unlocked the profile, and showed me that he had put a few of my pictures on the profile there (albeit none of ours together, so I don't even know if people would assume I'm his wife or just some friend). He thought that showing me that my pictures were there should make me no longer angry, and couldn't figure out why I was still upset over the issue. It saddens me that he cares more about the opinions of unknown younger women, rather than his own wife's opinion of him. He does stupid things that make me lose respect for him, and sadly doesn't even seem to care than I am losing respect for him.

Another incident... I remember after we got our wedding pics back, he looked at them and said "Wow, I look so handsome in these pictures." After I made a face at him, he then added as an aside "Well, you are looking good too." 

The first time he saw me naked, he said "yuck".

All I can say is that being with an immature narcissist just isn't worth it. We are in the process of splitting now, as I'm filing. He is 3 years younger than me, and I'm sure he'll find one of those younger girls quickly after our marriage is dissolved. I know he won't be single too long. But I'd rather be free to marry someone whose looks hasn't gotten to his head. I'd prefer someone with character, integrity, and depth any day.


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## diwali123

How did you stay with him after he said "yuck"?


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## rks1

diwali123 said:


> How did you stay with him after he said "yuck"?


In hindsight, I shouldn't have. But we were each other's first intimate partners. When he saw me in tears over it, he tried to explain himself saying that he's never seen a woman naked before (except for a bit of porn in his teen years). He got teary-eyed too, which is why I excused him for that. Yes, I was overweight... but if he could accept me as being overweight with my clothes on (he was the one who pursued me), then he really shouldn't have commented with clothes off. Instead he probably should have appreciated that I was sharing myself with a man for the first time, and that man was him. If he had a problem with my weight (which I was at that weight from the first time he met me), he should have just found a slim girl to marry instead of being with me and then making distasteful comments.

I really did put up with a lot from my H.


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## diwali123

I would have wondered if he was gay. That's just so weird!
I'm glad you aren't together anymore. 
I tend to think men who are very good looking in a conventional way are more prone to cheating. 
We had a guy in college who looked exactly like Eddie Vedder. I mean he went to concerts and girls would scream thinking it was him. 
One of my friends started hanging out with him, they were sort of on the brink of dating but she just couldn't stand the barrage of women who were constantly around him. 
She was a very good looking woman and even she couldn't handle it. She just decided not to be one of the harem.


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## committed4ever

diwali123 said:


> I would have wondered if he was gay. That's just so weird!
> I'm glad you aren't together anymore.
> *I tend to think men who are very good looking in a conventional way are more prone to cheating. *We had a guy in college who looked exactly like Eddie Vedder. I mean he went to concerts and girls would scream thinking it was him.
> One of my friends started hanging out with him, they were sort of on the brink of dating but she just couldn't stand the barrage of women who were constantly around him.
> She was a very good looking woman and even she couldn't handle it. She just decided not to be one of the harem.


I never realize people were so pre-judgmental about good looking men until this thread.


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## WyshIknew

committed4ever said:


> I never realize people were so pre-judgmental about good looking men until this thread.


And where were all these women who don't actually like good looking men when I was growing up as a young man?:scratchhead:

It was all I could do to get a date, and certainly no 'action'.

I think it is probably a maturity thing on both sides. Very young men areprobably _more likely_ to chase conventionally attractive young women.

And very young women are probably _more likely_ to chase conventionally handsome young men.

As you mature I think you gain the ability to see beneath the skin of somebody and see the person inside.

Happily married now and I am told I am attractive. Had difficulty believing that due to my past but TAM has knocked that nonesense out of me (mostly )


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## committed4ever

WyshIknew said:


> And where were all these women who don't actually like good looking men when I was growing up as a young man?:scratchhead:
> 
> It was all I could do to get a date, and certainly no 'action'.
> 
> I think it is probably a maturity thing on both sides. Very young men areprobably _more likely_ to chase conventionally attractive young women.
> 
> *And very young women are probably more likely to chase conventionally handsome young men.
> 
> As you mature I think you gain the ability to see beneath the skin of somebody and see the person inside.*
> Happily married now and I am told I am attractive. Had difficulty believing that due to my past but TAM has knocked that nonesense out of me (mostly )


See, there it is again. Your post implies that only young girls are attracted to handsome men, and that mature women don't. Instead,mature women look for what's on the inside, and therefore don't chase attractive men *because they have nothing on the inside.*

Prejudice.


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## treyvion

committed4ever said:


> See, there it is again. Your post implies that only young girls are attracted to handsome men, and that mature women don't. Instead,mature women look for what's on the inside, and therefore don't chase attractive men *because they have nothing on the inside.*
> 
> Prejudice.



It depends on the person
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123

This last preH round of dating I was more concerned with looks, style, grooming, over all appearance than I had been before because I ended up being unhappy and embarrassed with my ex's appearance. 
But that was because of the choices he made mostly. 
I think there are men who are smoking hot who don't come off like they are god's gift to women. And then men who are very hot who just exude a certain kind of arrogance that puts me off. 
I can't stand arrogance. 
I like men who look put together and groomed but if they have fake tans and über white teeth, etc, it puts me off because I can't compete.  

And now I tend to find men who resemble my h more attractive. Funny how that works.


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## diwali123

Anyone follow college basketball? Remember the coach of the Missouri team Quinn? He was to die for hot but never once had a pretty boy moment or cheesy "aren't I cute" look on his face. 
In fact he would get mad if the press asked him about his female fans.


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## WyshIknew

WyshIknew said:


> And where were all these women who don't actually like good looking men when I was growing up as a young man?:scratchhead:
> 
> It was all I could do to get a date, and certainly no 'action'.
> 
> I think it is probably a maturity thing on both sides. Very young men are probably _more likely_ to chase conventionally attractive young women.
> 
> And very young women are probably _more likely_ to chase conventionally handsome young men.
> 
> As you mature I think you gain the ability to see beneath the skin of somebody and see the person inside.
> 
> Happily married now and I am told I am attractive. Had difficulty believing that due to my past but TAM has knocked that nonesense out of me (mostly )





committed4ever said:


> See, there it is again. Your post implies that only young girls are attracted to handsome men, and that mature women don't. Instead,mature women look for what's on the inside, and therefore don't chase attractive men *because they have nothing on the inside.*
> 
> Prejudice.


Prejudice?

Did you read all my post?

You know the bit where I posted that I think *young men* are *probably * more likely.(in italics)


And where I stated that young women are *probably* more likely (again in italics) 

And also where I stated that it is probably a maturity thing on both sides.

And can you show me where I stated that attractive men have nothing on the inside? Because I certainly can't!

All I was trying to say is that young people _tend_ to be more shallow in this kind of thing but that once you mature you have the ability to see the whole person inside rather than concentrating on the outer packaging.

If you look in many young girls bedrooms (not that I've seen many) you will not find pictures of the likes of me or anyone normal. You will find pictures of handsome, flashy pop stars, sportsmen and actors.

Likewise go into many boys bedrooms and you will see pictures of models from girly magazines etc.

Or were you misrepresenting my post to feed your prejudice about 'nasty' men?


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## Lon

committed4ever said:


> I never realize people were so pre-judgmental about good looking men until this thread.


I think you got it backwards on this - I think its that for those who are predisposed to cheat, or perhaps are just under whatever circumstances that leads people to cheat, if they are more physically attractive they simply have more opportunities to cheat coming at them.

This does not mean that more attractive people are prone to cheating, just I think that more attractive people probably have to work a little harder at enforcing boundaries in this regard.


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## diwali123

Yep. Why mess with the odds? Lol.


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## WyshIknew

Still like to know where I said that attractive men have nothing inside.


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## committed4ever

WyshIknew said:


> Still like to know where I said that attractive men have nothing inside.


Sorry I don't know what I thought I saw last night in your post but I now see you neither said it nor implied it. I was reading TAM and watching my H pack for another week long trip - always stressful.


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## RandomDude

rks1 said:


> Another incident... I remember after we got our wedding pics back, he looked at them and said "Wow, I look so handsome in these pictures." After I made a face at him, he then added as an aside "Well, you are looking good too."


:rofl:
Good heavens lol

I'm guessing he wasn't joking either based on your story

But tell me, how would you feel about such a statement IF made in jest, if shared privately and intended to provoke a reaction just for fun? Would you also think less of him? A little bit?



> The first time he saw me naked, he said "yuck".


=/
Damn, now that's some nasty bedroom manners


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## WyshIknew

committed4ever said:


> Sorry I don't know what I thought I saw last night in your post but I now see you neither said it nor implied it. I was reading TAM and watching my H pack for another week long trip - always stressful.


Aww no probs, sorry I got a bit snitty, over tired I think.

I do that sometimes, read a post and get the wrong end of the stick.

I think you've posted before that hubby goes away a lot at the mo which you hate!


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## rks1

RandomDude said:


> :rofl:
> Good heavens lol
> 
> I'm guessing he wasn't joking either based on your story
> 
> But tell me, how would you feel about such a statement IF made in jest, if shared privately and intended to provoke a reaction just for fun? Would you also think less of him? A little bit?


I wouldn't mind a guy who teases and jokes with me... a little bit of humor is great! 

The sad thing in my STBXH's case is that he wasn't joking. I thought any sane guy would know to appreciate how beautiful his wife looked on her wedding day.... not thinking of his own looks.


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## PreRaphaelite

If I have one problem with men who think they are attractive is when they feel entitled to flirt with someone else's wife or gf, subtly suggested through a veil of friendship and pleasant conversation.

They may not intend to do anything, but the satisfaction they gain from these little games is something I've observed more than a few times.


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