# I don't know what to do



## TheDesignerGUy (Feb 12, 2018)

Hi. I got married just over a year ago. Things started out fine. But now, things have gotten frustrating. Last Spring, she was laid off of her job. She ended up with a decent severance and cashed out her 401k. Without consulting me, she tells me, she's using that money to go back to school. Normally I would be more than fine with that. However, she already has 2 different degrees that she hasn't attempted to get work in those related fields. This time around, she spends the $10,000 to go to cosmetology school. Then she tells me that I need to change careers. I'm a graphic designer. Its not the greatest paying job, but I get great benefits. She tells me that I need to stop being selfish, and I need to "do my job as the man of the house and take care of the family". She tells me I need to go work at one of the auto plants in the city or go work as a Real Estate Agent, careers that have absolutely no appeal to me. I tell her my concerns, that trying to change a career to something I don't like would only accomplish in making me miserable and would be me giving up on my career in the arts and any kind of professional dreams I had. She dismisses it as me making an excuse and being selfish. 

I don't know what to do. I feel like all the burden is placed on my shoulders and I'm forced to make all the sacrifices. To get all my past mistakes in debt taken care of, I held off on buying leisure purchases like books, however, she increases her spending in that time, spending hundreds of dollars in make up. The extra $5000 we had after paying for her school was taken up by constant make up purchases. Last March, she tells me that she doesn't want any more kids (she has one from a previous marriage) despite for the 2 years we were together before we got married, all she could talk about was how much she wanted to have children with me. She said that with her being 33 this year, she said that with her depression and anxiety, and past with Postpartum depression that if the baby had any birth defect, it would send her down a dark path she wouldn't want to go. This devastated me, all I wanted was children of my own and it was another MAJOR decision she decides to make without discussing it with me. And as a result, its been nearly a year since we were last together physically. 

I know, it's a lot of information I threw out there and this is just from my perspective and maybe I could be in the wrong with the whole thing. But, its frustrating and I don't know what to do.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

She has 2 degrees and is going to school for cosmetology? You're a graphic designer and she wants you to become a real estate agent? What the hell? Most of the time the woman with a cosmetology license goes back to school to get a degree, and the real estate agent usually goes back to school to be a graphic designer. 

And now she wants you to change careers, support her spending habits, and her children with another man. And she's denying you kids of your own? And she's cut off sex with you for a year?

You are what is called beta-bux. You are useful to her in only one way and that's paying bills, and likely watching her kids while she goes out and ****s whoever has been bedding her this past year.


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

DTB


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

It's very simple, If you have the balls to act like a man and go for what you're looking for in life.
It seems she's not what you want. 
You want kids.. she doesn't now. Deal breaker
She's trying to control you and control the relationship, and all you do is complain that that's not what you want; rather than taking the reins of your marriage as she is asking you to do. But it seems she only wants you to take the economic reins, nothing else. This is another deal breaker.

Judging by your post, I'm sure that you are paralize with fear of loosing her if you take any action. Well my friend I'm sorry to tell you that that's exactly what you need to do. Decisively and in a confident matter let her know that you are both now on a different page in life and that the best for both is to divorce, because you want children and she doesn't, that this is a deal breaker for you and do it, if you doesn't back down from her new path. It is all up to you really.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You got duped. She was just looking for a naive, weak-willed, beta supporter to support her and her child while she flits around doing whatever whims pop into her head. 

Don't get duped any further. Do what is right and best for you without regards to her. Let her take care of her own self and her own offspring.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

And also, I am going to actually side with her on one thing - do *NOT* knock her up!!!

Since you want to have a family with your own kids, divorce her as quickly and efficiently as possible and find someone else that does not have kids of her own and who actually loves and respects you and does not just see you as a bill payer.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> And also, I am going to actually side with her on one thing - do *NOT* knock her up!!!


Yup, he lucked out, usually once a single mom lands a beta-paycheck, she has 1 child with him to financially tie him to her for life and THEN starts the behavior showing she has no respect for him, and doesn't want sex with him.

She showed her hand way too soon, or maybe she thinks the OP is so weak-willed it won't matter, even without sex, controlling behavior, she still can keep him around to pay for her responsibilities.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

i would file for divorce. mainly because your wife is not showing you an ounce of respect, shares none of your goals, and seems to be using you in pretty much every way she can. 

what do you have to lose? you haven't even had sex for pretty much your entire marriage, and your wife tells you that you are selfish for being responsible. 

yea... i echo the sentiments of @Bananapeel: DTB!


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

Why did her previous marriage end?

If she was acting the same I can understand.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Why are you letting someone walk all over you like this? Where's your self-esteem? 

One year married? No sex? You know this isn't going to get any better as time goes on. Are you willing to live your whole life like this? 

Don't you deserve better? Don't we all deserve better?

Stop letting her lead you around by the nose.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I want to add one other thing.

Hack into her computer(s), phone, phone bill, social media etc and get a couple voice activated recorders and hide one in her car and another anywhere else she may be having secret conversations.

I will bet you 3:1 odds that she is getting it elsewhere.

Even though you have not voiced any suspicions of an affair, the fact she is showing such disregard to your wishes and well being, her change of heart in regards to having children *WITH YOU*, her sudden fixation with beauty and the fact that you have not been physically intimate pretty much the whole time you have been married; I can pretty much assure you she is getting down with someone else.

If finding out that she hooking up with someone else would be the deal breaker that puts you over the edge and what makes you pull the ejection handle, then make searching for that evidence a priority. 

Make a sincer, honest investigation on the down low (hire a PI if you have to) and I will pay you $3 on a $1 dollar bet that she is getting down with someone else.

If you were to add that she protects her phone and takes it into the bathroom with her, I will guarentee it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

username77 said:


> Yup, he lucked out, usually once a single mom lands a beta-paycheck, she has 1 child with him to financially tie him to her for life and THEN starts the behavior showing she has no respect for him, and doesn't want sex with him.
> 
> She showed her hand way too soon, or maybe she thinks the OP is so weak-willed it won't matter, even without sex, controlling behavior, she still can keep him around to pay for her responsibilities.


I think it's worse than that. 

I think she doesn't want kids with the OP because she wants to have kids with her OM.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> I think it's worse than that.
> 
> I think she doesn't want kids with the OP because she wants to have kids with her OM.


Or her OM doesn't like kids or does not want her getting fat or getting any more stretchmarks.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Hi. I got married just over a year ago. Things started out fine. But now, things have gotten frustrating. Last Spring, she was laid off of her job. She ended up with a decent severance and cashed out her 401k. Without consulting me, she tells me, she's using that money to go back to school. Normally I would be more than fine with that. However, she already has 2 different degrees that she hasn't attempted to get work in those related fields. This time around, she spends the $10,000 to go to cosmetology school. Then she tells me that I need to change careers. I'm a graphic designer. Its not the greatest paying job, but I get great benefits. She tells me that I need to stop being selfish, and I need to "do my job as the man of the house and take care of the family". She tells me I need to go work at one of the auto plants in the city or go work as a Real Estate Agent, careers that have absolutely no appeal to me. I tell her my concerns, that trying to change a career to something I don't like would only accomplish in making me miserable and would be me giving up on my career in the arts and any kind of professional dreams I had. She dismisses it as me making an excuse and being selfish.
> 
> I don't know what to do. I feel like all the burden is placed on my shoulders and I'm forced to make all the sacrifices. To get all my past mistakes in debt taken care of, I held off on buying leisure purchases like books, however, she increases her spending in that time, spending hundreds of dollars in make up. The extra $5000 we had after paying for her school was taken up by constant make up purchases. Last March, she tells me that she doesn't want any more kids (she has one from a previous marriage) despite for the 2 years we were together before we got married, all she could talk about was how much she wanted to have children with me. She said that with her being 33 this year, she said that with her depression and anxiety, and past with Postpartum depression that if the baby had any birth defect, it would send her down a dark path she wouldn't want to go. This devastated me, all I wanted was children of my own and it was another MAJOR decision she decides to make without discussing it with me. And as a result, its been nearly a year since we were last together physically.
> 
> I know, it's a lot of information I threw out there and this is just from my perspective and maybe I could be in the wrong with the whole thing. But, its frustrating and I don't know what to do.


Your wife is a highly selfish person.

You are a totally passive male.

I suggest a divorce. Why? Because you haven't had sex in a year with your own wife and she clearly is not in love with you or that wouldn't happen. She has zero respect for you, could be a narcissist. In reality, if you want kids, I wouldn't DARE have them with her, even if she allowed you to inseminate her. You want a career in a what you enjoy? THen you must find a wife that's good with that. This one is almost undoubtedly searching for your replacement.

You need to start looking up signs of cheating. But most importantly, should talk to a lawyer and discuss real options.

Your wife is not working as your partner in life.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Grow a pair and divorce this crazy bieotch!


Thats all I got.

The sooner the better.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Gets tiring dragging that piano around doesn't it?

Better wake up


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

She sounds like she’s a few rocks shy of a full load... and flaky to boot.

Unilateral decision to cash out her 401K? All the degrees? Career changes for her (and YOU)?? Flip-flop on having children? And a mostly irrational fear of having a child with birth defects?

Personally, I would cut your losses and move on.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need a new wife.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Point her to the female empowerment thread we've got going on here and remind her it's 2018. She can pull her weight with her existing two degrees and you're happy where you are in your current job.

Frankly, I'd consider divorce.


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## TheDesignerGUy (Feb 12, 2018)

A follow up to my original post. In the past 5 months things have not improved. She's been trying to forbid me from seeing my family, though she has no problem with her spending all the time she wants with her family. Hostility has grown more and more. She tells me about how all her family thinks I'm a loser for not changing careers and how she should leave me. She's initiated some bizarre war with my mom for some random thing mom said that she overheard that she took out of context, and 2 months later is going on about how horrible my mom is that she didn't apologize to her (its not the first time that's happened. There's a couple of other times, we made plans for a nice dinner with my family or holiday plans weeks in advance and my wife decides at the last minute she doesn't want to go, leaving me to tell her and gets offended when my mom asks why) Things suck, and I'm biding my time. This is not a marriage. I feel like I'm a prisoner. The difference is with me, in the past 5 months, I stopped giving a **** about biting my tongue I've become very vocal about how ridiculous things are. I'll keep you updated...


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Good for your new attitude towards your so called wife.

I hope you get fed up enough to actually do something about your situation and up and divorce her and move on with your life.

Sad to say but it sounds like that your situation will not work out on its own.

Good luck.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

She cut you off and your still married? I don’t know one guy that would marry a woman that didn’t want to have sex with him. I don’t know one guy who would stay married to a woman that would not have sex with him. How do you rationalize being her b!!!!?
Google bait and switch. You’ve been had.

Did you do any sleuthing to see if she was banging someone else?


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## Bananapeel (May 4, 2015)

You already know this isn't going to end well. The longer you stay with her the more it is going to cost you. What are you buying time for? Just yank off the Band-Aid and be done with her.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

Listen, I spent years with a cosmetologist and though they are not all the same, most are. They are materialistic and value glamour and appearance over substance. They will always want MORE. The fact that she has 2 degrees but wants to do hair should say something. Maturity is not there! 

What I was staring down the barrel of is a person that wanted ME to provide in every way possible so she could be free to do hair whenever she felt like it, and mostly hang at the pool with her sisters and mom and gossip. 

We didn't even have the sex and children problems you do, and I was wanting out. I was also duped by "words" that said she was not concerned with material things, just wanted to be happy. What I missed is SHE wanted to be happy and carefree at my expense. I won't accept being a cash cow. 

Is she attractive??????? I have learned that very attractive women come to EXPECT to be pampered and not enthused about a 50/50 relationship. I know several but they are ALL happily married and for good reason! 

If she is hinting about a bigger house, nicer car, a boat, a vaca, and mentions we need more money for that stuff, walk!!! 

Then I hear about attractive women that get with deadbeat guys that play video games all day!! I will never understand them. 

To be right honest, I would not even have the "this needs to change" talk!!!!! Why? 1yr without sex? Plus, just look at her actions. She is NOT going to change, only waste more of your time while she figures out a way to screw you even more. Put the last straw on her back, and just file.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

The longer you take "biding your time" the harder it will be... the more it will cost... the more abuse and aggravation you will endure... and the more time in your life you will never get back.

A simple read that may change your life... No More Mr Nice Guy

Best


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

With this "marriage" only being 1 year, you may be able to get an anullment. If not, just file and get out of this sham of a marriage. Why would a never married childless man marry a divorcee with a kid. Rarely a good idea.

She has you for paying bills. Kick her to the curb ASAP. Don't go rushing to date. You're way to weak. Learn to be a strong self reliant man. Only then will you be able to find a woman that will love you for who you are. A woman that you can start a family with.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

First, the OP didn't know what to do. Now he's just "biding" his time. 

Talk about a living, breathing DOORMAT ....


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Quit talking and start doing.

Read up
https://archive.org/details/RobertGloverNoMoreMrNiceGuy


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

The nerve of her telling you what to do. And I would not call this a marriage at all, she is using you! Don't you see that? You have a job-- stay there until YOU are ready for something different. I would go see a lawyer and get out of this situation. If you stay, you will be paying for much more than degrees and make-up for her. Marriage is not this. Marriage is a team where you work together towards a goal with love and respect.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

perhaps you should try and find out who the other man is, because she will never admit it!

Most of the classic signs are there.... I wouldn't be surprised if there has been more than one... Possibly a Real Estate Agent or Auto Plant worker...


I'm not sayin.... I'm just sayin!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> A follow up to my original post. In the past 5 months things have not improved. She's been trying to forbid me from seeing my family, though she has no problem with her spending all the time she wants with her family. Hostility has grown more and more. She tells me about how all her family thinks I'm a loser for not changing careers and how she should leave me. She's initiated some bizarre war with my mom for some random thing mom said that she overheard that she took out of context, and 2 months later is going on about how horrible my mom is that she didn't apologize to her (its not the first time that's happened. There's a couple of other times, we made plans for a nice dinner with my family or holiday plans weeks in advance and my wife decides at the last minute she doesn't want to go, leaving me to tell her and gets offended when my mom asks why) Things suck, and I'm biding my time. This is not a marriage. I feel like I'm a prisoner. The difference is with me, in the past 5 months, I stopped giving a **** about biting my tongue I've become very vocal about how ridiculous things are. I'll keep you updated...


Update us when you have had your W served D papers. This is abuse. File today. Be happy.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What are you doing about it?


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## TheDesignerGUy (Feb 12, 2018)

Another quick update. Things have not improved. We had a rather heated argument last week. She went on again about me changing careers and how I should send her screen shots of job searches. I stood my ground about how I don't want to change careers and I confront her about the fact that we haven't been intimate in 18 months and how she abruptly changed her mind about having a kid. She tells me she doesn't want to be intimate because she's disgusted with her own body and she resents me for not finding a job. Then she goes on about how I'm resenting her because she can't have a kid, going on about how hard it was with her first baby and how she had post partum depression. I say that I don't resent her, and if those were her true reasons I wouldn't have a problem with that, but this whole time in our relationship she was going on about how she wants to have a baby with me. She is like "well if you resent me, I don't know how we move forward" And then she goes on about how I need to sacrifice more and how nothing changed. I tell her, I sacrificed a lot, moving to her podunk town and I've given up so many things that I liked to do. She said about how if I don't find a new career in a month, 2 tops, she's kicking me out. I dared to do so. Then she backed off. The week hasn't improved. I predict things will end at any time. I changed my paycheck's direct deposit to go fully into my personal bank account that I had prior to our relationship that I still had for freelance payments instead of our shared account. I'm sure that's going to be an interesting conversation later this week. Updates to come.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Do you really like this?

Why are you sustaining such an unmindful existence... it seems all you are doing is existing, not living.

Perhaps living is a better option... living alone might be even more so.


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## TheDesignerGUy (Feb 12, 2018)

You're completely right.


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

1. separate finances sounds like a swell idea with this one...

2. Do not let her get you into a position for having a kid....She is trapping you.


3. Resentment has to be fed from somewhere or someone...Look for it.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Another quick update. Things have not improved. We had a rather heated argument last week. She went on again about me changing careers and how I should send her screen shots of job searches. I stood my ground about how I don't want to change careers and I confront her about the fact that we haven't been intimate in 18 months and how she abruptly changed her mind about having a kid. She tells me she doesn't want to be intimate because she's disgusted with her own body and she resents me for not finding a job. Then she goes on about how I'm resenting her because she can't have a kid, going on about how hard it was with her first baby and how she had post partum depression. I say that I don't resent her, and if those were her true reasons I wouldn't have a problem with that, but this whole time in our relationship she was going on about how she wants to have a baby with me. She is like "well if you resent me, I don't know how we move forward" And then she goes on about how I need to sacrifice more and how nothing changed. I tell her, I sacrificed a lot, moving to her podunk town and I've given up so many things that I liked to do. She said about how if I don't find a new career in a month, 2 tops, she's kicking me out. I dared to do so. Then she backed off. The week hasn't improved. I predict things will end at any time. I changed my paycheck's direct deposit to go fully into my personal bank account that I had prior to our relationship that I still had for freelance payments instead of our shared account. I'm sure that's going to be an interesting conversation later this week. Updates to come.


The post I created a few months back, let it sink in. Then go do it.


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## TheDesignerGUy (Feb 12, 2018)

I honestly think that if it wasn't for my stepdaughter, I would have bailed a looooooong time ago. That's going to be the toughest part about this.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> I honestly think that if it wasn't for my stepdaughter, I would have bailed a looooooong time ago. That's going to be the toughest part about this.


You cannot be a positive influence where you are... seeing your strength on your own is a healthier influence than less strength in an environment unable to promote anything healthy.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You need to stop leaving this up to her and file for divorce. She is ridiculous. And honestly, I have a strong suspicion that there is probably another man in the picture. What is her problem with your job? Graphic design is a perfectly respectable occupation, and not one that just anyone can get into. Hold your ground, and tell her to get the hell out.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'm glad to hear you are getting your financial ducks in a row.

How about you stop having the heated discussions/pointless arguments with your wife? It gets you nowhere.

Less talk. More action.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> I honestly think that if it wasn't for my stepdaughter, I would have bailed a looooooong time ago. That's going to be the toughest part about this.


So you are remaining in a toxic relationship with this person who treats you so bad so that you can be around her minor daughter?????

That is just plain creepy :-O


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Another quick update. Things have not improved. We had a rather heated argument last week. She went on again about me changing careers and how I should send her screen shots of job searches. I stood my ground about how I don't want to change careers and I confront her about the fact that we haven't been intimate in 18 months and how she abruptly changed her mind about having a kid. She tells me she doesn't want to be intimate because she's disgusted with her own body and she resents me for not finding a job. Then she goes on about how I'm resenting her because she can't have a kid, going on about how hard it was with her first baby and how she had post partum depression. I say that I don't resent her, and if those were her true reasons I wouldn't have a problem with that, but this whole time in our relationship she was going on about how she wants to have a baby with me. She is like "well if you resent me, I don't know how we move forward" And then she goes on about how I need to sacrifice more and how nothing changed. I tell her, I sacrificed a lot, moving to her podunk town and I've given up so many things that I liked to do. She said about how if I don't find a new career in a month, 2 tops, she's kicking me out. I dared to do so. Then she backed off. The week hasn't improved. I predict things will end at any time. I changed my paycheck's direct deposit to go fully into my personal bank account that I had prior to our relationship that I still had for freelance payments instead of our shared account. I'm sure that's going to be an interesting conversation later this week. Updates to come.


Listen, you wrote about all of this months ago, and what were you told? 

1) She did a bait and switch, and she I bat s**t crazy...

2) OR, she I having an affair.

3) In either respect you are being about the weakest man in the history of men to stay with her for any reason, you are not even getting laid. 

Brother, you have seriously got to wake up and divorce this hateful woman NOW!!!!!!


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## TheDesignerGUy (Feb 12, 2018)

Quick update. Things came to a head about a month ago. Huge fight, I aired all my problems. As we're arguing, her mom calls, her grandfather died. Things temporarily get put on the back burner because I didn't want to be a **** and leave her at that point. 2 weeks later, her other grandfather dies. Which doubles down the hesitation. Now I'm trying to figure out when is a good time to bring this up again. Should I give her a couple of more weeks (which coincidentally falls on our 2 year anniversary)? She hasn't been as hateful as she was, but I know that's only temporary. I would talk about her growing religiousness in recent months, and her growing attachment to a church I'm not comfortable with, but that seems like its a different discussion.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Your weakness as a man, your Indicisiveness, and inability to make a decision will put you in that religiousness altar as the sacrificial victim. The sad part is that while being sacrificed you'll still be going around and around asking what's going on, what should you do, when to do it, how to do it, etc., etc.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I don't understand men like you. I just don't. Okay, her grandfathers died. That isn't going to stop your wife from being a ***** for long. Like you said, it's only temporary that she's mellowed a bit.

Quit behaving like a spineless wimp and cut your losses. Seriously.


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Quick update. Things came to a head about a month ago. Huge fight, I aired all my problems. As we're arguing, her mom calls, her grandfather died. Things temporarily get put on the back burner because I didn't want to be a **** and leave her at that point. 2 weeks later, her other grandfather dies. Which doubles down the hesitation. Now I'm trying to figure out when is a good time to bring this up again. Should I give her a couple of more weeks (which coincidentally falls on our 2 year anniversary)? She hasn't been as hateful as she was, but I know that's only temporary. I would talk about her growing religiousness in recent months, and her growing attachment to a church I'm not comfortable with, but that seems like its a different discussion.


You keep finding reasons to not do this. Why? I get waiting over the death of family members, but then "oh that'll be on our 2 year anniversary" like that holds some kind of value. Geez man, if it's over it's over. There is no "good time" to bring it up. If divorce is what you want, then file for D and end this thing.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Quick update. Things came to a head about a month ago. Huge fight, I aired all my problems. As we're arguing, her mom calls, her grandfather died. Things temporarily get put on the back burner because I didn't want to be a **** and leave her at that point. 2 weeks later, her other grandfather dies. Which doubles down the hesitation. Now I'm trying to figure out when is a good time to bring this up again. Should I give her a couple of more weeks (which coincidentally falls on our 2 year anniversary)? She hasn't been as hateful as she was, but I know that's only temporary. I would talk about her growing religiousness in recent months, and her growing attachment to a church I'm not comfortable with, but that seems like its a different discussion.


You must love being a victim.
Why don’t you quit pontificating about what your going do and just do it.
I can’t wait for your next installment/ excuse to stay with your wife,what will it be?
The cat is sick? The goldfish drowned? Another grandfather is discovered and he dies too?
It’s time to **** or get off the pot but I think your constipation hasn’t been cured yet.
Like I said you love being a victim.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

She doesn't live, respect or desire you and she treats you like crap.

It's sad that her grandfathers died but that does not mean that anything has fundamentally changed or that she is a leopard that has changed her spots.

And yes your anniversary will be coming up and the thanksgiving and the Christmas and then news years and then Martin Luther King Day and then Presidents' Day and then Groundhog Day and then secretary's day and so on and so on. There is always going to be something happening and always going to be some notable event coming up. 

When you look for excuses, you will always find then and if you allow excuses, they will always occur. 

You are being passive, indecisive and weak; and she is preying on that and that is why she has no respect, admiration or desire for you.

I know you feel like you are doing the right thing but you are simply digging yourself in deeper.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Design Guy, i see a bigger problem, the 401K she withdrew, if indeed she did take it out she will be penalized tax wise when you pay for 2018...you better make sure she is ready to pay the penalty because that could be significant.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> She said that with her being 33 this year, she said that with her depression and anxiety, and past with Postpartum depression that if the baby had any birth defect, it would send her down a dark path she wouldn't want to go. This devastated me, all I wanted was children of my own and *it was another MAJOR decision she decides to make without discussing it with me. *And as a result,* its been nearly a year since we were last together physically.*


See, ^^THIS^^ is what has me completely baffled. Why would any man with even a drop of testosterone tolerate this type of blatant disrespect from his wife???? Okay, I get the whole "beta" thing. But this is just plain old total lack of self-respect/self-esteem. This woman pulled a bait-and-switch on the OP. She makes major decisions unilaterally. She doesn't have sex with the guy.

Why would ANYONE allow someone to treat them like a total piece of crap? This hot mess isn't even a marriage. WHY DO MEN STAY AND WHINE IN THESE TYPE OF SITUATIONS? Seriously.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@Prodigal said: "WHY DO MEN STAY AND WHINE IN THESE TYPE OF SITUATIONS? Seriously."

Basically, because this type of men are the ones that when confronted with the possibility of losing the woman they have, 
they go into fear/panic mode, because, most likely, deep down, they think they will never be able to get another woman that would want them sexually; but, in the meantime, they are living in sexless relationships. What gives?
It is their paralysis out of that fear, since most of them lack a spine to begin with. That's my take. 
Also we need to realize that the big majority of men in this world do not behave like this. They get angry (many violently). It is the weak kind of men that end up in these type of forums asking for help, because they really do not know what to do. 

With the way the world's going these days, more and more men are becoming emasculated. Their woman Carry the pants.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

TDG, use whatever time you think is a "waiting period" for her mourning to get YOUR ducks in a row. See a lawyer, get your finanaces setup and protected, make sure all the stuff you want is taken out of the house and stored somewhere safe. You KNOW she is going to go ape when you drop the hammer, no matter WHEN this happens, so make sure you use this waiting period to get your plan together an lined up. I realize you want to give her some time so that your not being an ass, but there really will be NO good time for this. Even if you wait a month or two, she will STILL say thanks for doing this right when my grandfathers died...


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuude? Seriously?


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

You must be getting something out of this. I mean, it's not love or respect or sex, but there has to be some sort of payoff.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Now I'm trying to figure out when is a good time to bring this up again. Should I give her a couple of more weeks (which coincidentally falls on our 2 year anniversary)? She hasn't been as hateful as she was, but I know that's only temporary. I would talk about her growing religiousness in recent months, and her growing attachment to a church I'm not comfortable with, but that seems like its a different discussion.


DG my man, Ive seen some guys get manipulated, their azzez kicked around by a woman who doesnt give a rats azz about them and proves it ever day, and still go around eating out of the chick's hand, but you're right at the top of the schmuck list. You clearly don't have a clue about women. It was clear to me after reading your opening post that this girl gets off on wiping her feet on you and experimenting with how much crap you'll take. 

If you liked what you've got out the privilege having her as your wife this year, you're going to love next year and those that follow. My advice is tell her you've followed her directive, found another job 500 miles away , and will send for her sometime during the next million years. Hire an attorney to off this thing without you even being present. (i.e. if this is really going on)


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

This clown is in classic denial. sh987 is right. This guy will be whining about it five years from now. There are some people you just can't help.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

After reading some of your updates I believe she's trying to force you into divorce. If you file for divorce she can call you the bad guy while she feeds off everyone's sympathy.
I say give her what she wants!


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

A possible other reason. OP says she had anxiety and depression. The layoff may have triggered a midlife crisis exhibited by the spending and career change and she may have other mental issues. The new children may represent a degree of being locked down that she can't handle now. So she may be pushing ur buttons to push u away and if she has any kind of low self-esteem it would be worse. Also, she may be doubting ur ability to provide for the family (suggestion of a career change for OP) So she may be pushing u to make u stand up to her as a test to see if she can depend on u. Of course, she could just b a selfish B*tch who's screwing on the side. Good Luck trying to figure it out.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Blaine said:


> A possible other reason. OP says she had anxiety and depression. The layoff may have triggered a midlife crisis exhibited by the spending and career change and she may have other mental issues. The new children may represent a degree of being locked down that she can't handle now. So she may be pushing ur buttons to push u away and if she has any kind of low self-esteem it would be worse. Also, she may be doubting ur ability to provide for the family (suggestion of a career change for OP) So she may be pushing u to make u stand up to her as a test to see if she can depend on u. Of course, she could just b a selfish B*tch who's screwing on the side. Good Luck trying to figure it out.


Or she may have no respect or desire for him because he's lazy, Whiney, indecisive and weak.

Either way does it really matter why if he isn't willing to man-up and do anything about it??


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Quick update. Things came to a head about a month ago. Huge fight, I aired all my problems. As we're arguing, her mom calls, her grandfather died. Things temporarily get put on the back burner because I didn't want to be a **** and leave her at that point. 2 weeks later, her other grandfather dies. Which doubles down the hesitation. Now I'm trying to figure out when is a good time to bring this up again. Should I give her a couple of more weeks (which coincidentally falls on our 2 year anniversary)? She hasn't been as hateful as she was, but I know that's only temporary. I would talk about her growing religiousness in recent months, and her growing attachment to a church I'm not comfortable with, but that seems like its a different discussion.












Bring this up again?.... Seriously??? You are going on 24 months of this crap!

Can you say DOORMAT?

Just leave already.


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## JamesStorm (Jul 25, 2018)

Run.....just run away....very, very far away...


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I'd be inclined to agree, except that she's trying to cut him off from his family. And she's trying to surround him with people who tell him what a slacker she is and how he needs to step up and provide.

That along with her backing off on her threat to kick him out suggests she is just milking him dry for as long as she can. She will tolerate him but as soon as his usefulness ends (job loss, illness, she finds another guy) he's out of there.



Cooper said:


> After reading some of your updates I believe she's trying to force you into divorce. If you file for divorce she can call you the bad guy while she feeds off everyone's sympathy.
> I say give her what she wants!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Imagine reading the following issues/complaints if they were from another poster; what would you advise?

- wife makes reasonably significant life decisions/financial without including husband
- wife doesn't have a job (which I'm assuming means doesn't earn income) 
- expects husband to change career to earn more/support them both while she studies
- ignores husband's desire to stay in current career and calls him selfish
- wants husband to provide proof that he's looking for other work
- husband has some form of debt that he's trying to reduce
- wife's spending increases
- wife expresses anxiety about having another child; history of depression 
- sex (and I'm assuming intimacy) has departed the marriage
- wife doesn't feel good about herself/appearance
- wife wants husband to distance himself from his family
- hostility and resentment builds from both sides
- wife threatens to kick husband out if he doesn't change career (and I'm assuming - earns more)


To balance the view of the scenario, I would wonder if the husband's current income is reasonable for the couple and details around the debt. 
Has the wife previously 'carried' the financial burden? 
Even if there's some validity in her feeling the husband needs to increase earning capacity, there's still a place for respectful communication to occur.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I don't understand why the wife can't both work and study though, or at the very least, plan as a couple to achieve what's needed for the family/household as well as individuals. 
It comes across to me that much of the stress, disharmony, and disrespect came about when she lost her job.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Regardless though, she sounds like a bully.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You don't need to make a decision this week, or this month - there's no rush. But you DO need to be improving yourself so that you're in a better place in a month or two. IIWY, I'd do what thousands of other people do - plan to change things on January 1. Set that date in your mind. You don't have to wait to tell her you're leaving til then, if that's what you end up doing - you can tell her ahead of time so you can both get your affairs in order (not that there's too much to do, as you've only been married a year). 

So in the meantime I have two suggestions: start going to see a therapist by yourself and talk this stuff out. A good IC won't tell you what to do, but he will bring up some good points or ideas you wouldn't reach by yourself. And he will help you come to realize your own worth, which, IMO, is the REAL issue here. 

You married what we call a Judy, named after a former relative who basically ran everyone's lives, made everyone miserable, and kept pushing pushing pushing. If you backed down, gave in, she pushed for more. Which is what your wife is doing. 

And why is she doing this? Because you're letting her. To that end, I have some books for you to read. This may sound corny to you, but I promise you, at least one of them will resonate with you. Read these books:
No More Mr Nice Guy
Hold On To Your N.U.T.s
Married Man Sex Life Primer

Go read those while she is dealing with her family issues, and come back and let us know what you think, what you've learned.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Dude you need to cut your loses with this woman. Staying in a sexless marriage with a woman who doesn't want to have children with you when that's something you wanted is a deal breakers.

I never understand how a man who has never had kids or been married would get with a single mom or divorcee with kids. That's a very risky undertaking because you're not on the same level. 

Since she has her kid(s) she's just looking for a help mate. Meanwhile you're putting your energy, time and resources to raising another man's kids and then end up being a evolutionary dead end. Not a good deal in my book.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

We have a friend who was a fairly rich successful bachelor. Today, he's dating a woman from Mexico with 3 kids, all of whom have basically taken over his home. My DH was over there yesterday and the guy was washing the dishes while the girlfriend sat on the couch with her kids, doing nothing. He used to be generous with friends, taking them out to dinner or whatever. Yesterday, he argued with my DH over a $149 bill he owed my DH for work he did on his house TWO years ago (when he started dating this woman). And, naturally, this woman does not work. I assume, however, that she gives him amazing sex. 

Would you call this the woman's fault? Or would you tell the guy that he's being a schmuck? Think about it.


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## TheDesignerGUy (Feb 12, 2018)

Update: After our fight, all of a sudden, she changed. She has become clingy, wanting to be intimate a lot and all of a sudden, changed her stance on having a baby. 

That said, I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> A follow up to my original post. In the past 5 months things have not improved. She's been trying to forbid me from seeing my family, though she has no problem with her spending all the time she wants with her family. Hostility has grown more and more.
> 
> *She tells me about how all her family thinks I'm a loser for not changing careers and how she should leave me.*
> 
> ...


I'm not a psychiatrist, but your wife sounds like a narcissist. Read up on it, she has many of the traits.

Don't have sex with her. If you have a baby with her, she will not only be in your life forever, but your salary will go WAAAY down when you divorce her.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Update: After our fight, all of a sudden, she changed. She has become clingy, wanting to be intimate a lot and all of a sudden, changed her stance on having a baby.
> 
> That said, I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?


You're bull**** detector is working.

Divorce her.

Would you really want this woman to be the mother of your child with what she has done over the past 24 months.

The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. She is now going for the trap, once she has your baby, you're stuck with her forever.

If you stay and have a child, about 24 months from now you'll be back dealing with the same behavior and be regretting not leaving.

There has to be a real reason for the sudden change in behavior, maybe her boyfriend dumped her. Have you pulled deleted messages off her phone?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Update: After our fight, all of a sudden, she changed. She has become clingy, wanting to be intimate a lot and all of a sudden, changed her stance on having a baby.
> 
> That said, I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?


The thing is that this could go either way. 

Scenario 1) Like you described could be exactly what is going on. So DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT....

Scenario 2) When you showed that you had a pair of balls, and would not take any more of her ****, she woke up. Started to realize that she did not want to lose you. The other part of this is that you are more attractive now that your balls are hanging out and she knows you have them. 

Which is correct, no way to know. Just see how it goes, check everything periodically and see what happens. If she is faking it, she will slip up sooner or later. 

But do not get her pregnant under any circumstances. If she is faking it ropes you in, and if she is not you will know one way or the other in a few months.


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

Bullsh**t detector = trust your gut. Your gut never lies. You've been married to this woman for less than 2 years and you don't have any kids with her (yet). The things she has said and done to you over the past couple of years are awful and would be irreconcilable to me. Why do so many people cling on to a bad relationship when there are millions upon millions of other people to have a relationship with? Just blows me away.

I know that you want to trust how she is today, but think about how she treated you just a few months ago? Withheld sex for over a year and a half on top of all the other crap. You won't see the real her until you get her pregnant, and by then it will be too late.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Update: After our fight, all of a sudden, she changed. She has become clingy, wanting to be intimate a lot and all of a sudden, changed her stance on having a baby.
> 
> That said, I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?


This is when you say "I'm willing to see you, but only once a month, for at least a year. If you're really that into me, you'll still be in a year." Then see what she does. My guess is she won't be able to do it cos she's not really wanting YOU, she's wanting SOMEbody.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Update: After our fight, all of a sudden, she changed. She has become clingy, wanting to be intimate a lot and all of a sudden, changed her stance on having a baby.
> 
> That said, I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?


Check your phone bill. 

My bull**** detector would also be going off.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Quick update. Things came to a head about a month ago. Huge fight, I aired all my problems. As we're arguing, her mom calls, her grandfather died. Things temporarily get put on the back burner because I didn't want to be a **** and leave her at that point. 2 weeks later, her other grandfather dies. Which doubles down the hesitation. *Now I'm trying to figure out when is a good time to bring this up again.* Should I give her a couple of more weeks (which coincidentally falls on our 2 year anniversary)? She hasn't been as hateful as she was, but I know that's only temporary. I would talk about her growing religiousness in recent months, and her growing attachment to a church I'm not comfortable with, but that seems like its a different discussion.


There's never a good time to bring up separation/divorce. You really just need to just do it. I waited around like you, bided my time, fought with my now XH, and the one thing that I wish I'd done differently is to rip that bandaid off sooner. It's not an easy thing to do, no matter the time. She's put you through hell, and I personally wouldn't feel badly doing it now if it were me in your shoes.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

OMGosh!!! You're having sex with her???? You just want to be trapped and not ever have true happiness.

She is only being clingy because she thought you were at your end. She has not changed. She just doesn't want you to walk out (divorce her) because she won't have you paying for her and her children anymore.

After 18 months of no sex and not wanting a baby all the sudden she wants sex with you and also wants a baby???

Has her story about her parents thinking she should leave you also changed?? I bet she has taken it all back, right?

Don't believe her She is lying, trying to keep you around (for the wrong reasons.)

Turnera's idea of telling her you'll see her once a month (no sex!!!) for a year to see if she is sincere is a good one. She won't stick around for a year. A woman who is truly remorseful and who sincerely loves you would.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> ... I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?


Her meal ticket is about to walk out the door, thus she's gone into panic mode.

So are you going to keep hanging around trying to figure out her motivation, or are you going to do something proactive to get on with your life?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What her actions are telling you is that she doesn't want a divorce and she thinks a baby will lock you in. DON'T have sex with her. DO get out. Now.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Update: After our fight, all of a sudden, she changed. She has become clingy, wanting to be intimate a lot and all of a sudden, changed her stance on having a baby.
> 
> That said, I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?


Here's my take on this:

The possible reason that she suddenly changed probably isn't an epiphany. I'd guess that she's been seeing someone on the side, and that he broke things off with her. Now, she's willing to "work on things" with you. You're not wrong; your BS detector should be screaming at this point. If I were you, I would run. Do not (DO NOT) get this woman pregnant because then you'll be stuck with her for life. In fact, I would do to her what she's done to you for a year and a half, and withhold sex. I've read this entire thread so far, which isn't something I usually do. This girl has been using you as a doormat, and I'm not sure why you've allowed this for so long. Actually, maybe I do: you hope she'll change, you hope she'll start being nicer and see your side of things. Looks like this might be happening, but personally, I think it's too little, too late. By the way, I'm also a graphic designer, and while I'm the type of person who works to live, not lives to work, the profession can be fun at times. If you love it, don't give it up for anyone. Anyone who loves you wouldn't ask you to do this anyways.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Update: After our fight, all of a sudden, she changed. She has become clingy, wanting to be intimate a lot and all of a sudden, changed her stance on having a baby.
> 
> That said, I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. *Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?*


Just means that it’s working.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

TDG,

Short version run now, completely separate yourself from her, there is no upside to your relationship and time will only make things worse. 

Her cashing in her 401K demonstrates her poor impulse control and an insatiable need for things.

She might already have gotten pregnant or thought she was by the OM hence the sex bombing of you, as she wanted to pass off the child as yours. I'm sure the OM offered her a hug, a handshake, a McDonalds happy meal and a see you later.

Then there is the issue of STDs stop having sex with her now.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

TheDesignerGUy said:


> Update: After our fight, all of a sudden, she changed. She has become clingy, wanting to be intimate a lot and all of a sudden, changed her stance on having a baby.
> 
> That said, I can't help but feel that this isn't genuine, that after a year and a half of not wanting to have anything to do with me, that she's over compensating because I was about to walk out that door. That she's doing what ever she can to try to keep me from doing so, and that once I get comfortable, that we'd be right back to where we were. Is it wrong that my bull**** detector is really going off with her behavior?


She hasn't changed, your bullcrap detector is working and spot on. You are correct that once you get comfortable, she will be secure that you aren't leaving and will go right back to how she was before. I've been in your shoes, and luckily I was way too done to even entertain staying. I was well aware that the person suddenly clinging to me was NOT who he really was, and if someone really loves you, they would never allow you to feel neglected and not loved in the first place.

For the love of God, don't get her pregnant!


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> @Prodigal said: "WHY DO MEN STAY AND WHINE IN THESE TYPE OF SITUATIONS? Seriously."
> 
> Basically, because this type of men are the ones that when confronted with the possibility of losing the woman they have,
> they go into fear/panic mode, because, most likely, deep down, they think they will never be able to get another woman that would want them sexually; but, in the meantime, they are living in sexless relationships. What gives?
> ...


Most men become weak if they are denied sex for 18 months. Stay away from the single mommies with alpha baby daddies. They are in you for the pay check.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Look DG, pay attention to what people have been telling you. Your baloney detector is working just fine. Get rid of this creature.


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## Zodiac (Dec 7, 2018)

I was with someone who was a very, very selfish narcissist/emotional abuser for 13 years and 3 attempts. GTFO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If she dumps you it will be WAAAYYYY worse psychologically for you. I saved mine from an abusive relationship (her ex did heroine). Now that I've been on TAM for 3 months (just registered) I see the red flags, the moment she started making enough money she said things like "It was easier when we were poor" as she got back on her feet, etc. She started isolating me, started distancing herself, I got bummed, I just slept on the couch for 3 days and she was gone on the 5th day when I came home form work, after 16 months of her recovering from an abusive relationship. To her credit she asked if it was worth it, and i said "Is it?" she turned around and went back to the bedroom. She was gone 2 days later and instantly dating. The flags are there she was cheating for the last 6 months. I did some things I was not proud of, but being in an abusive relationship makes you develop abuse tendencies to cope and get attention. I was an anger dump for her. An unconditional loving doormat is still a doormat. I was a KISA (Knight in shinning armor) as well, read "No Mr Nice Guy" if you haven't. I'm dealing with the guilt of what i could have done to save it. Which ironically there was nothing, but she conditioned me for so long and she ALWAYS came 1st. Leave or start emotionally disconnecting.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Oh come on ya'll !!!!!!!!!

We all know she will be pregnant in short order and he will be her little whipping toy for eternity .....

He will have a excuse of why that is the best way.

It's coming....just wait for it.


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## Spirit (Nov 8, 2016)

She has 2 degrees. Why is she not trying to get into the firld related jobs? Why to get into cosmetology? What does this job pay? I see it as a side job bit not not the main one. I work with one nurse who works as a hairstylist on the side. She is happy with what she is doing.
You already has has a job with good benefits. Why to change it? I wouldn't. It's already a job with money coming in.
What's wrong with having more children? Why do you need to raise her kids and not your own, biological? How fair is it to you? It's anfair. Depression and anxiety are normal sideeffects of being pregnant and after giving birth period. I assume that both of you still young. Do you really want to have children? Be the man, the head, of the family.
My example: 
- both of us are our 40's; he's 48, I'm 41.
- both of us are working; he's in engineering, I'm a Personal Support Worker and go to school for Nursing.
- I have a child from previous relationship, he has no kids. He's an amazing father to my son. We're working on the new addition to our family. Maybe it's age related, but both of us want to have more kids.

Sent from my LG-H873 using Tapatalk


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## Zodiac (Dec 7, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> Oh come on ya'll !!!!!!!!!
> 
> We all know she will be pregnant in short order and he will be her little whipping toy for eternity .....
> 
> ...


I laughed then wanted to cry. His story reminds me so much of myself. I guess I'm fortunate that I empowered mine and when she got a management job she and started saying things like "it was easier when we were poor." She abandoned me and was dating someone right away. Everyone says I'm lucky I didn't knock her up or get her pregnant. 13 years & 3rd attempt, would have died for her. I'm writing my forgiveness letter to both of us. I'm so trying to deprogram and heal. He doesnt know the emotional abuse hes gone through yet. 

I'd like to quote the Goonies, when the Fertellies find the secret passage and chunk yells

"Mikey if you can hear me RUN, RUN!!!"

Its going against everything you where programmed man it Isn't easy, but it is a check you will write FOREVER!


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

What your wife is doing reminds me of my X's tactics. Every time I had I had enough and was out the door she would pour out the sex. It would only last until she felt secure. 
Went through it for well over 15 years until I knew it would never change. 
Get out before you get her pregnant.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

My guess is she's pregnant by the OM, or OMs...the men she's seeing that actually have balls; and you are being set up as the Daddy Cashbucks. In many states, a child born into a married union is automatically the child of the man...and thus child support for 18 years...regardless of DNA. 

See a lawyer and act now while you still have any options.

Or, regret for the next 18 years and nine months.

Cheers Mate


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

I don't think it's been brought up, but, have you adopted her daughter?


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