# How do I win? or is it to late.



## dwisner (Feb 3, 2011)

Alright , so lets start at the beggining. My wife and I have had a great 8 years, happy. Hardly any arguements. Decisions were easy to make. Just all and all perfect.....
I am 27 , she is 31, we have two kids.

Now fast forward, we had to move out . We lost all of our stuff. We moved into her moms house. I was thier for 3 weeks , unable to get a job, unable to use the house address. I was unable to use anything in the house. Her parents did not like me.
Everytime we went out , her mom would lay in the guilt trips etc.
All and all her mom made it more of an inconvience for me to be there then to actually help me get work to move us out.

We had agreed on a place. The day came, my wife and I started to pack. Then my wife asked me if i wanted to leave ( myself, after talking with her mom for 2 hours). I felt as if she chose her parents over me. I felt threatened.
So I left, we got in a huge fight. I came back three weeks later and we spent the day together. All was well.
I had to leave again so I could find work, I have two jobs now, and get us into a house. I have us a house and two jobs. My wife lives under her parents roof for the moment with our two children and I AM not allowed on the property. When I attempt to come around her mother makes alot of inconviniences for my spouse. Trying to take the car from her, telling her she wont be welcomed in her home if she does this and this etc.
My wife doesn't see this, now we arent communicating at all , we aren't able around the work schedules and her mom. She won't give me private time.
So naturally we have some trust issues without communication , who wouldn't.
This has been ongoing for 3 months now. We had agreed for her to move out on Valentines. But since she has retracted and asked for another month.
We have no communication, no trust, can't be close to one another. I have big issues with this, and when we talk we argue a bit. I have tried to point out that this is not healthy for our relationship. Since i felt the relationship is threatened and there are more red flags then anything, I have tried to communicate via numerous ways, and also offered her marriage counseling. She has yet to say anything. I have tried to point out many many things that are going down hill so we can resolve it one way or another. We both feel like we are on the ropes. I live in another state then she does. What can I do? Any suggestions?

I have offered to save and move up there, she says no , save your money. I offered to put it into her account, she says no save.
Uhm am I missing something here? She is now asking for space. Her parents are pushing her into divorcing me. That is my biggest insecurity but she says she isn't , however it seems as if she has. I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep the marriage alive and well. But every idea i have , she doesn't want to agree with. She has alot of control over everything , and yet im sitting in limbo.

She has dropped hints that it will be soon, but also other hints that it will take longer.

We talk for 30 minutes a day. thats not alot. We dont get time to discuss important things. I have offered marriage counseling, but we need to reunite our family for the relationship to continue on.
I will be very honest, this woman is my soul mate. I have been faithful, and will be faithful (with ease) til she makes a decision.
I have a few mixed feelings, regret ( for what i did) , dishonor ( not being there for my kids, spouse) ,longing (for my children , whom i have raised since they were young) , longing for my wife, mad (cause she still "chooses her parents, however says its not her parents") , and i am very inlove but it seems like I am stuck in quite a predicament. I do not believe in Divorce, I believe in marriage however this isn't going anywhere at all.
All my feelings that I put out to her , she has a "blank" expression. I tell her more and more that I want this to work, but its seemingly harder and harder under these pretenses. All it is blank, or hey i got to go.
I get mixed messages from others, some say give her space and time, she will come around.
Others say she is leaving but she just doesn't want to tell you, does it sound like she is preparing to leave or is prep'd if i do?


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## dwisner (Feb 3, 2011)

When I attempt to do anything, IE come see her and our children she gives me more reason not to come then to come. When I try to call most calls go unanswered and texts go unheard. I have recently backed up and stopped calling and texting, as she has asked for space. Because I trust in our love, I know we will pull through this, however I am seeing more red flags then green flags.

The harder I tried the more she pulled, so i have recently not given up, but I am exhuasted trying. So I have backed off.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Your wife needs to choose between you and her parents. Unfortunately, it sounds as though she is choosing her parents. I think an ultimatum may be in order. Pick a date; tell your wife you will be picking her and the kids up that date. See who she chooses. The current arrangement is unacceptable.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

I think she's made her choice, and it's not you. She just won't tell you. Whether that's because she doesn't want to hurt you or she just enjoys stringing you along to see how long you'll take it, I'm not sure. 

I would tell her flat out that on X date, you expect her and the kids to be with you. Whether she drives herself and the kids or you pick them up, that is the end date. If she balks in any way, I'd lay it out that either this happens or you'll have no choice but to assume that the marriage is over and begin taking steps to make it legally so. 

If it comes to divorce, I would try to move back nearby them, to make it easier on your kids. Whether you get custody or visitation, going back and forth between two states frequently is going to be difficult, and to have to go months between visits will make everyone miserable.


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## dwisner (Feb 3, 2011)

Thanks , This morning I told her exactly that but in a different manner. The conversation didn't go so well.


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