# The pack rat



## okeydokie

just curious if anyone else lives with a pack rat? i hesitate to say that my wife has become very junky. she particularly keeps magazines and any other kinds of paper. she gets very very upset and angry if i try to talk to her about it which leads me to believe she has a hoarding disorder. i have a master suite that would scare you, its so bad that if anyone comes to the house she blocks the bedroom door so they wont accidentally wander into it. but she never cleans it up which would be easier. our office is absolutely covered with paper. she has also kept a bunch of kids toys that our children outgrew years ago, just a big pile in the garage, dirty and dusty and of no use to anyone.

i am at the end of my rope. i would like a nice house but it is a disaster. any suggestions. counseling is not likely


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## justean

my mother in law has a terrible problem, same thing as you and a couple of ppl that i have known over the years, including my next door neighbour.
but no matter how many times u tell them, it has made no difference. they remained the same.
my mother in law ( now 78) hers stems from childhood. they had very little in those days and thats her compensation of it, simply cant let go. 
even old newspapers - stacked high.
the others i knew - just plain dirty - couldnt b bothered. one (old mate) i knew , her children caught salmonella poisonin, all 3 children.
the one was so ill and the worst affected, he lost 2 stone on a week and she stil wouldnt hospitalise him. went horse riding instead and she was a nurse. (no im not like this), never have been.
another i know - wouldnt let you in, but always quick to point out, "oh the house is a mess" - so they effectively do know what they live in. 
when we used to go up the pub, a mate of my hubby, he used to say exactly what you said and in public. he did say her mother was immaculate - but his wife had no interest in cleaning. best part is she was a stay at home mum with 3 kids. 
it has never changed. 
sorry that was long winded - but i suppose from what ive seen , it doesnt change. 
i think it has to be up to you to make really strong decisions.


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## Honey

Either clean up after her, or build her her own junk house. I know someone like that. I go over their house and I am stepping over crap as I walk. I don't mind a little mess, you do have to live there, but I don't like to see it like my home hasn't been cleaned in ten years. If you can do it, send her away for a while, and have a maid service come in and clean the house for you/ her. Once it is clean, she will see it, and like it, and might try keeping up with it after they do all the dirty work for her.


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## draconis

Have you thought of self storage unit so she can keep/store all the stuff and you have a decent house? 

Have you moved since the storage problem, that was how I broke my wife.

draconis


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## Sweet love

do it yourself.
go give all those kids clothes to charity. found on the internet one close to oyur home put everythign in the car and go deliver it all

take big boxes and throw all her magzand newspapers and whatever and drive it to a container station.

doa throughout cleaning of the bedroom, total.
same with the office part of the house.
Arrnge, systemitise and clean out all the mess.
Same in the kitchen
make the garage clean too.

When you are with it, tell her thats how oyu want yoru home to looks like
you live there and you got the right to be there as well.

for me to see you complain but you odnt do much to remidie to it
why?
yopu expect your wife to do the cleaning cause she is a woman?
If not, just sweat it, it will take you a wekk, but the reward will last a year at least.
Its normal to have an affection thing for kids clothes.
but looks like your wife is lacking affection and something important into her life so instead she report it onto things.
Clean the house totaly as i told oyu above, and invite her to a very romantic dinner that you make at home with candlelights and rose petals all the way to the bed..
and invite people the following weekend.
She will feel entirely different to have people over cause her home will be neat, and it will make her feel much better.
She cant do it herself, do it for her.
I am sure she will have no problems keeping it clean after you did the big move.


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## Honey

draconis said:


> Have you thought of self storage unit so she can keep/store all the stuff and you have a decent house?
> 
> Have you moved since the storage problem, that was how I broke my wife.
> 
> draconis


That wasn't a bad idea, dude, then I got to thinking..who could want to pay each month to store mostly junk, that she will probably never use or touch again.


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## draconis

Honey said:


> That wasn't a bad idea, dude, then I got to thinking..who could want to pay each month to store mostly junk, that she will probably never use or touch again.


What normally goes into a storage unit but stuff you most likely will not use. 

For piece of mind and a clean house I would pay the $20-40 month for it, wouldn't you?

A way to have both people happy. One gets to "keep" their stuff, the other gets a clean house. It is fair both ways without a fight or just one person getting their way.

When it comes to a clean house most people will pay that amount per week.

draconis


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## okeydokie

Sweet love said:


> yopu expect your wife to do the cleaning cause she is a woman?


yes, thats it.:scratchhead:

oh, i guess i left out that her father and his mother (her grandmother) have the same issue, so i don't think lack of affection is the answer. 

the bullrush approach doesn't work, ultimatums don't work. some level of harmony is necessary in the home, if i just toss all the crap she thinks is valuable then it will be a war. i truly believe she has a sickness, and i was hoping some others on here had dealt with it before. I will likely have to employ tactics that won't be comfortable for either one of us, but i have no choice.


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## Honey

draconis said:


> What normally goes into a storage unit but stuff you most likely will not use.
> 
> For piece of mind and a clean house I would pay the $20-40 month for it, wouldn't you?
> 
> A way to have both people happy. One gets to "keep" their stuff, the other gets a clean house. It is fair both ways without a fight or just one person getting their way.
> 
> When it comes to a clean house most people will pay that amount per week.
> 
> draconis


 Yeah, but, from what I get, she won't throw anything away. I do think your idea is good one, but she will still need to go through things and throw some stuff away. If she did this, they might not need a storage unit, and can save $20 -40 a month. This will help pay for something else like gas for their car, or for a nice meal out after a hard week of working.


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## freeshias4me

I can't give you a heck of a lot of advice, because I'm a bit of a pack-rat myself!

I'm too sentimental, is part of my problem... I hate to see some things go. 
Other part of the reason, is my mom way not tremendously tidy, so I had no real role model of what is supposed to be cleaned, and when. I try to do well, but don't always get it right.

One thing I will say....
Do NOT THROW HER STUFF OUT FOR HER!!!!!!In all her clutter (as like mine)...there may be some fairly important things! (receipts, doctor's papers, tax papers, etc.)

Secondly, she needs to learn to clean for herself, not have someone do it for her. 

(I'm only talking from my experience...)


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## GAsoccerman

my wife is a pack rat, depending on what it is, I will throw it out.

For instance...People magazine...she will keep them all over the house. I told her she has 2 weeks to read them, if I find them after 2 weeks...off they go.

I throw out nothing that is work related. But my wife is Junk mail queen, I get more mail then you can imagine, I could fill our own landfill.

Depending on what it is, I will either put it away somewhere or toss it. She has fair warning.


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## kiran23

I think Ask her for dinner in Nice hotel...
And Then
You will talk with her about any Solution....


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