# Another fight tonight over no sex



## newbride (May 28, 2009)

My husband and I are both around 50... been married less than a year. We dated long distance for 8 years.. sex was great. We had the expectations talk before marriage. Sex was important to me ... I told him 2 or 3 times per week. However...I am lucky to have sex twice a month. It is always when he initiates. Every time I initiate it there is an excuse. I have gotten to where I don't want to initiate.. I fear the rejection. It is too painful. He has said that before we were married we had "dates" so I put on the dresses after work and he still ignores me. 
Last night we had a date planned and it ended up getting interrupted by company. It was supposed to be tonight. he got his BJ last night.. and tonight was supposed to be about us.. but all night long he ignored me and watched tv.. stupid tv.. so I went upstairs. He does not understand why I am hurt and angry.
It is a constant repeat. Last time I tried to initiate sex he said.. hurry up.. if this is what you want to do... which I have to tell you was not much of a turn on.
Not sure how to approach this without always creating an argument. it is 2am.. I'm on the computer crying and he is on the sofa. I really dislike him right now.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

There is no point beating around the bush. Ask him outright why he is not interested in sex, and tell him what the consequences will be if it caries on. It is 50/50 he is having an affair.


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## snix11 (Sep 25, 2008)

newbride - I have one of those guys and he's only 42. I'm pretty sure it's not an affair but he's still not interested in sex. 

For a long time he got his and I didn't get mine. Talk about resentment! Buy some sex dice? Unplug the TV? Put a sticky note on the TV that says "lets have sex!" something...

Sounds like you need to get him to talk about what he's upset about. Do it NOW rather than waiting. I waited a year before we had our talk, now it feels so much harder to get back to where we were. 

Sooner rather than later


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Newbride - there are many people who talk a great game before the marriage and soon after get lazy in the relationship. For whatever reason they feel like the getting married part was the accomplishment and now its time to sit back and contribute nothing to the relationship. I call this marriage fraud and it should be a criminal offense. That said, Mark maybe right. He could be having an affair and thus his sexual/emotional energy is going somewhere else. Either way its time for a seriout chat. Take a hammer to the television if need be but let him know that things need to change and fast as this is not what you signed up for. Now the hard part.........you need to be ready to back it up.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Shoto1984 said:


> Newbride - there are many people who talk a great game before the marriage and soon after get lazy in the relationship. For whatever reason they feel like the getting married part was the accomplishment and now its time to sit back and contribute nothing to the relationship. I call this marriage fraud and it should be a criminal offense.


Please please please can I be an enforcement officer if the ever becomes law? 

We can putt all the offenders together in a big open prison and they can all bore each other to death.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Hey Mark, I'm sending you a badge :smthumbup:


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## confuzzled (May 31, 2009)

Shoto1984 said:


> I call this marriage fraud and it should be a criminal offense.


I often feel like my marriage is a fraud also. Newbride, I am lucky if it is once a month, sometimes it is as long as 4-5 weeks and then only once before the draught starts again - and my husband is very young! 

I also get rejected regularly and begin to feel like I shouldn't bother. My problem is that my husband doesn't like to initiate, so unless I do I don't get any at all. 

I really don't have any helpful advice for you (sorry about that) but I do hope that it gets better for you.


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## LA Private Eye (May 31, 2009)

Newbride - Dont jump to the conclusion that just because you arent having sex, that he is having sex with someone else. Now, I do see people all the time that do cheat on their spouses, so pay attention to some of those signs just in case. You said that you gave him a BJ and then the following day, you wanted sex. How about the other way around, let him please you first, then give him a BJ. This may also not be about what he wants or doesnt want. Its certainly possible that there may be some medical issues and discuss with him about that. Its always best in my opion to just be open and honest about what is going on and what you expect. When women hold things in, they expect us guys to just read their minds and know what is wrong. It doesnt work that way. Us guys need it spelled out for us. You need to get to the bottom without being too confrontational. Dont destroy the TV. All that will do is make him resentful towards you and it doesnt bring you any closer. See if there is something you can do to liven up the sex life. How about a nice romantic dinner, candles, wine, sexy lingerie. How about teasing him first with a BJ and then let him finish with sex. Now you got him turned on and right where you want him. Just a few thoughts. Good luck.


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## cone (Aug 6, 2008)

Shoto1984 said:


> Newbride - there are many people who talk a great game before the marriage and soon after get lazy in the relationship. For whatever reason they feel like the getting married part was the accomplishment and now its time to sit back and contribute nothing to the relationship. I call this marriage fraud and it should be a criminal offense. That said, Mark maybe right. He could be having an affair and thus his sexual/emotional energy is going somewhere else. Either way its time for a seriout chat. Take a hammer to the television if need be but let him know that things need to change and fast as this is not what you signed up for. Now the hard part.........you need to be ready to back it up.


I have said the very same thing, should be grounds for divorce "fraud".


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## dcfl_notsure (May 8, 2009)

Hello newbride. I'm sorry for your dispair.

I'm not sure I agree with those that are saying "affair". It's hard to tell from your write up. I do feel that "commitment" has been jeapordized. I think some communication needs to be established to concentrate on the "commitment" which is supposed to be why both of you decided to get married.

When we say "I do" I think all of us need to remember that we are saying that we are saying yes, that we are commiting to the relationship that we are about to get into. There are a lot of ups and downs in marriage, but in the end, you have to be commited to ensure that you will do EVERYTHING to stay happy in the relationship. 

I'm sure there are tiny details that you can't include in your write up. Therefore I think that you should just calmly approach your hubby and discuss your issue. Do not have any expectations, other than that you can have a productive conversation.

There could be multiple reasons why he is acting the way he is and it may not have anything to do towards you. Just communicate with him.


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## justamale51 (Mar 20, 2015)

I've been through this, and know that sexual rejection can be about the most hurtful thing a human being can go through... 

Nothing is worse than a couple with mismatched sex drives. Earlier it was mostly men-wanting-sex-and-not-getting-it. Today, we see an increasing number of women complaining too.

Do believe those who will tell you that you should have 'checked' your sexual compatability earlier. This thing is not a constant. It keeps on changing. All the time....

And time wounds all heels...

Generally (before now), have you been making the first approach for sex? (That could be a big turn off for some guys, because they always want to feel like the 'hunter', and believe they're making the first move.)

Wonder if it might have some impact if you make him 'work harder' to get sex. For that you'll have to act you're not interested. And it's not interested, specially when you're starved of the one thing that only one individuals in this world is expected to give you.

I know how disappointment turns to bitterness, which grows into anger and hatred for the person who's denying you the chance to feel wanted, sexy, loved and a whole woman!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

So, why not leave?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Zombie thread from 2009*



.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Oh no!


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

It blows my mind to see how many women come on this forum and tell us that they want sex and their husband doesn't. DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!! Why couldn't all these LD women have met the LD men, and then maybe we could have met sexually compatible partners. UGH!!


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## LuvIsTuff (Feb 20, 2015)

justamale51 said:


> Generally (before now), have you been making the first approach for sex? (That could be a big turn off for some guys, because they always want to feel like the 'hunter', and believe they're making the first move.)


No way! Most men fantasize about a woman throwing them on the floor and having their way with them.


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## mamadcp (Apr 6, 2015)

I feel your pain, for years I have been wanting to vent and cry until today that I found this site.

You're not alone It's been 9 years of marriage and 5 at least of 3 times a month sex, I alway initiate, he doesn't care about my needs ever....I feel rejected and stupid asking for it, I'm not a bombshell but I'm hot enough and he makes me feel unwanted


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## jacko jack (Feb 19, 2015)

Dear newbride

I am in the same situation, I basically have a houseguest aka my wife. She does not work, she does not cook more than one meal a day and we have not had sex since the wedding night, she said before we got married that she wanted to be a "housewife", now she claims that marriage is slavery. Indeed, for the last nine years, I have got up for work, cook my breakfast and left for work. It certainly is marriage fraud, it certainly is not what I would like for a marriage.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

jacko jack said:


> Dear newbride
> 
> I am in the same situation, I basically have a houseguest aka my wife. She does not work, she does not cook more than one meal a day and we have not had sex since the wedding night, she said before we got married that she wanted to be a "housewife", now she claims that marriage is slavery. Indeed, for the last nine years, I have got up for work, cook my breakfast and left for work. It certainly is marriage fraud, it certainly is not what I would like for a marriage.


The last time new bride posted was back in January 2010! I doubt she's reading this.

On the other hand jacko jack I doubt your wife is being fraudulent in her marriage.

As described by you, your wife has made it abundantly clear for at least nine years that she won't ever have sex with you.

Heartbreaking though that circumstance is, the fact that you choose to accept such an arrangement for so long certainly makes it look like it is exactly the kind of marriage you would like.

This isn't a few weeks or even a few months it's nine years! If you don't like your ball and chain take it off! You're the one who's holding the keys.

Best of luck moving forward.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Zombie thread from 2009*

I'm locking this thread.


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