# Never turn a woman down for sex



## Faithful Wife

Will someone please explain this to me from the Man's Handbook? I have read various reasons why men tell each other to never turn down a woman for sex, but I'd like to get these answers all in one place.

Why is it that you're never supposed to turn a woman down? Do share.


----------



## Married but Happy

Because you may not be asked ever again if you do!


----------



## samyeagar

I have a feeling it is tied to the whole 'women are sexual gatekeepers' thing. That sex is something women give men as if it were a gift. That women aren't as sexual as men. That men 'get lucky'. I think this combined mindset also trivializes women's sexuality. Unfortunately, as many men do about male stereotypes, women help perpetuate this about women.

I have never felt this way personally, and have turned down many women, and have never felt sexually deprived.


----------



## firebelly1

Are we talking any woman ever or your significant other?


----------



## naiveonedave

Faithful Wife said:


> Will someone please explain this to me from the Man's Handbook? I have read various reasons why men tell each other to never turn down a woman for sex, but I'd like to get these answers all in one place.
> 
> Why is it that you're never supposed to turn a woman down? Do share.


IMO, since women (gross over generalization) rarely initiate, if you shoot her down, she will likely learn to not initiate again. I forget the exact reasoning, but it is several paragraphs in MMSLP. As i recall (sketchy), it shows her that you are not interested in baby making and that subconsciensouly 'proves' you are not mate material.


----------



## Fozzy

samyeagar said:


> I have a feeling it is tied to the whole 'women are sexual gatekeepers' thing. That sex is something women give men as if it were a gift. That women aren't as sexual as men. That men 'get lucky'. I think this combined mindset also trivializes women's sexuality. Unfortunately, as many men do about male stereotypes, women help perpetuate this about women.
> 
> I have never felt this way personally, and have turned down many women, and have never felt sexually deprived.


Bingo. Additionally, we're told constantly that women can't handle rejection as well as men, because they're not as emotionally resilient.....or something.


----------



## samyeagar

Fozzy said:


> Bingo. Additionally, we're told constantly that women can't handle rejection as well as men, because they're not as emotionally resilient.....or something.


Or possibly women aren't turned down as often as men, and so when they are, it's a complete shock...you know...because men are always ready to go, hard with a shift in breeze, will stick it anything...


----------



## Joylush

I think women want to feel desired. Plus we tend to take things more personally sometimes. When you initiate you're really in a vulnerable place and tend to take the rejection as feeling ashamed somewhat. It is somewhat of a double standard. I do admit that when my timing is off there is a slight moment of feeling stupid or embarrassed for revealing my desire. I think it's all in the way it's handled. Men are human and have the right to feel exhausted as well. I'd much rather my man felt comfortable to say how he really feels and not give in to meet some standard or out of pity. Sometimes you can't help what your body wants and if he can show he's flattered-it helps. 
I think the worst feeling I ever had was once being told by my former spouse when we were dating that there was something wrong with me because I suggested a lunchtime quickie. Don't shame someone for desiring you.


----------



## samyeagar

Joylush said:


> *I think women want to feel desired*. Plus we tend to take things more personally sometimes. When you initiate you're really in a vulnerable place and tend to take the rejection as feeling ashamed somewhat. It is somewhat of a double standard. I do admit that when my timing is off there is a slight moment of feeling stupid or embarrassed for revealing my desire. I think it's all in the way it's handled. Men are human and have the right to feel exhausted as well. I'd much rather my man felt comfortable to say how he really feels and not give in to meet some standard or out of pity. Sometimes you can't help what your body wants and if he can show he's flattered-it helps.
> I think the worst feeling I ever had was once being told by my former spouse when we were dating that there was something wrong with me because I suggested a lunchtime quickie. Don't shame someone for desiring you.


Just as men do. I've seen it oft repeated here that women aren't as visual as men, that they are responsive to male initiation, things like that. My experiences have been contrary to that common thought, and I have to wonder...how many women try to deny their own biology to fit within social stereotypes and norms...I know many men do...the subject of this thread is an example of that.


----------



## ntamph

It's the whole gatekeeper thing. For many men sex is very hard to get and turning it down is like turning down a pepperoni pizza after you were starving on some mountain somewhere because you prefer plain.


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening faithfulwife
I think that no one should ever turn their partner down for sex unless there is a REALLY good reason. This is something I have always followed.

Real necessary work is a valid reason, but random chores that could be put off are not.

Exhaustion is a reason, but it needs to be a level of exhaustion that means that you are going to bed to sleep, not do something else. 

Is OK to sometimes not be in the mood, but one should provide a "rain check" and do something extra special for one's partner the next time.

Except in the case of illness I will claim that there is almost never a valid reason to turn your partner down for a week.


BTW- sex doesn't need to be a marathon session. If you are tired or busy, then just something quick for them is fine. For most people 15 minutes is plenty of time to take care of their needs - it really isn't all that much to ask.


----------



## Cupcake222

As a woman, I don't want my man, ideally, to feel like he can't say no at least once in awhile and not feel understood. Unfortunately, I get turned down a lot. My husband has mild Aspergers (undiagnosed and unadmitted) and is emotionally immature. So, when I lift the covers and caress his behind, trying to get him in the mood for a morning quickie, I get "What ARE you doing???" When I saunter in the room in lingerie, I get, "Can I just watch the rest of this show?" (it's recorded, he can watch it anytime) or he very slowly and reluctantly responds to me. Yes, it's a bummer. 

Bottom line, it's discouraging if a man just says no and it happens often. I would say that if a man says something like, "Honey, normally I'd be all over you, it's just tonight I am so exhausted (Or whatever the reason). I love it when you initiate, please try again soon" etc.


----------



## Convection

samyeagar said:


> I have a feeling it is tied to the whole 'women are sexual gatekeepers' thing. That sex is something women give men as if it were a gift. That women aren't as sexual as men. That men 'get lucky'. I think this combined mindset also trivializes women's sexuality. Unfortunately, as many men do about male stereotypes, women help perpetuate this about women.
> 
> I have never felt this way personally, and have turned down many women, and have never felt sexually deprived.


This. The negative stereotypes perpetuate this mindset. I've turned down sex before and don't feel any less of a man because of it.

And as Sam stated on another thread this morning, men are not machines. They should not be expected to perform just becuse their partner asks, any more than women should.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SimplyAmorous

samyeagar said:


> *I have a feeling it is tied to the whole 'women are sexual gatekeepers' thing. That sex is something women give men as if it were a gift. * That women aren't as sexual as men. That men 'get lucky'. I think this combined mindset also trivializes women's sexuality. Unfortunately, as many men do about male stereotypes, women help perpetuate this about women.
> 
> I have never felt this way personally, and have turned down many women, and have never felt sexually deprived.


I am all for the *Gatekeeping* when a woman is young if she IS looking to marry and for lasting love...not just a pleasurable bang because they are both horny... There should be some self control & sexual Boundaries depending on where they are in a relationship....*IF these things are important to her *(as they were for me)

If I am going to share my body with a man... it needs to be something lasting & true .. if I am not going to "gate keep" that ..I'll be the one in tears afterwards for being so stupid (great regret) that I allowed one who DIDN'T have honorable intentions for me... then he just runs off with another women shorty after.. banging her, like I was nothing special or important to him....leaving me with a broken heart... 

It's bad enough we can get a broken heart without going all the way.. but I do see sharing your body with someone you love, as the height in GIVING fully of ourselves, it's the most vulnerable we can get with another human being...

This (for me) has Nothing to do with a woman's sex drive being less (I was always horny & boy crazy!).... but because of how important & special we FEEL this act is.. because we feel deeply loved/ accepted, emotionally connected...we long to be lost in each other, this IS our mutual expression of LoVE.... but there is a time & a place for this beauty.. and for what it represents..

To downplay this in any way (or rush it)..would be to deny what is important to me as a woman and what brings me happiness & fulfillment. 

Sex to me is *"Love making"*... it's profoundly special... it is not something to take lightly.. 

As for this question.. I don't handle rejection well .... when I questioned my husband's desire 5 yrs ago (because he couldn't keep up) .. at times I would get very emotional -*just imaging* if he didn't WANT ME.. he's my soul mate.. and at that time.. I just needed that from him...(I was working it up in my head more than it ever was though as I learned more about men's Test levels calming down as they age)... 

Truth is...in all our years together...my H has only rejected me *once*...that night we were worried about our oldest son getting home...he was late, out on ICY roads....I came on to him...& he told me he wasn't in the mood.... a sadness washed over me , it shook me emotionally...I think I even cried in my pillow... 

Once our son got home...we went at it though.. the weight of worry was lifted.. I still reached out for him..wanting to get lost in each other.. he did too.  

Thankfully I married a man who derives pleasure by my pleasure sexually.. he won't even use the word sex, it is all "Making love" to him...one could say he is the ultimate Giver himself and would never want to deny me.. I feel very blessed in this way. 

And I feel the same if he is in need and wants me... I JUMP !


----------



## samyeagar

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am all for the *Gatekeeping* when a woman is young if she IS looking to marry and for lasting love...not just a pleasurable bang because they are both horny... There should be some self control & sexual Boundaries depending on where they are in a relationship....*IF these things are important to her *(as they were for me)
> 
> If I am going to share my body with a man... it needs to be something lasting & true .. if I am not going to "gate keep" that ..I'll be the one in tears afterwards for being so stupid (great regret) that I allowed one who DIDN'T have honorable intentions for me... then he just runs off with another women shorty after.. banging her, like I was nothing special or important to him....leaving me with a broken heart...
> 
> It's bad enough we can get a broken heart without going all the way.. but I do see sharing your body with someone you love, as the height in GIVING fully of ourselves, it's the most vulnerable we can get with another human being...
> 
> This (for me) has Nothing to do with a woman's sex drive being less (I was always horny & boy crazy!).... but because of how important & special we FEEL this act is.. because we feel deeply loved/ accepted, emotionally connected...we long to be lost in each other, this IS our mutual expression of LoVE.... but there is a time & a place for this beauty.. and for what it represents..
> 
> To downplay this in any way (or rush it)..would be to deny what is important to me as a woman and what brings me happiness & fulfillment.
> 
> Sex to me is *"Love making"*... it's profoundly special... it is not something to take lightly..
> 
> As for this question.. I don't handle rejection well .... when I questioned my husband's desire 5 yrs ago (because he couldn't keep up) .. at times I would get very emotional -*just imaging* if he didn't WANT ME.. he's my soul mate.. and at that time.. I just needed that from him...(I was working it up in my head more than it ever was though as I learned more about men's Test levels calming down as they age)...
> 
> Truth is...in all our years together...my H has only rejected me *once*...that night we were worried about our oldest son getting home...he was late, out on ICY roads....I came on to him...& he told me he wasn't in the mood.... a sadness washed over me , it shook me emotionally...I think I even cried in my pillow...
> 
> Once our son got home...we went at it though.. the weight of worry was lifted.. I still reached out for him..wanting to get lost in each other.. he did too.
> 
> Thankfully I married a man who derives pleasure by my pleasure sexually.. he won't even use the word sex, it is all "Making love" to him...one could say he is the ultimate Giver himself and would never want to deny me.. I feel very blessed in this way.
> 
> And I feel the same if he is in need and wants me... I JUMP !


What you are describing is more about being sexually selective than sexual gatekeeping. Sexual gatekeeping is more akin to manipulation. That if you have a chance to have sex with the girl, you'd better take it lest the stars fall out of alignment, and you miss your chance, and who knows when she will feel like "letting" you have the privilege of having sex with her again.


----------



## Fozzy

FW--can you also clarify--are you speaking it terms primarily of a relationship, or are you also including random encounters?

I think random encounters, or even hookup situations with people you already know can be shot down all day long if you're not feeling it. In a relationship however, I think both parties should tear the gates off the "gatekeeper" aspect unless there's a pretty good reason.


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening Simplyamorous
Just on your one comment. I wish people who turned their long term partners down for sex could understand this. 

Not wanting to have sex with someone new is a completely different thing, but if you are in a long term committed relationship, being turned down by your partner is devastating and it doesn't get better the more it happens.



SimplyAmorous said:


> Truth is...in all our years together...my H has only rejected me *once*...that night we were worried about our oldest son getting home...he was late, out on ICY roads....I came on to him...& he told me he wasn't in the mood.... a sadness washed over me , it shook me emotionally...I think I even cried in my pillow...


----------



## Forest

They'll cheat if you do?


----------



## SimplyAmorous

samyeagar said:


> *What you are describing is more about being sexually selective than sexual gatekeeping. Sexual gatekeeping is more akin to manipulation. That if you have a chance to have sex with the girl, you'd better take it lest the stars fall out of alignment, and you miss your chance, and who knows when she will feel like "letting" you have the privilege of having sex with her again*.


 I guess I need to read more articles, something... on the whole "Gate keeping" thing...like so many other things, has the definitions changed with the modern times?

I did a thread on this yrs ago here... looking back over it.. JCD's post is in line with your way of viewing this....

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-c...-gatekeeper-did-your-wife-manipulate-you.html



> *JCD said*: There is a woman holding herself to a moral standard of waiting for marriage. THAT IS NOT GATEKEEPING. If a woman says to me "I think you are VERY special and I'd say yes if you proposed, but I won't have sex with you because I am doing it with my husband etc" there is nothing to argue about. I either am or am not a person who accepts that limitation. MOST men will respect that...even if SOME don't agree.
> 
> My example: I decided reasonably early that I would not sleep with anyone whom I would not marry. BC fails. Babies happen. Within my moral framework, I would not have an abortion, so if I was going to engage in 'risky behavior' I had better be willing to spend the rest of my life with that person. This made me turn down one girl who was FREELY offering herself to me (lots of reasons).
> 
> *GATEKEEPING is*, IMO, the use of sex to hurt or manipulate the other spouse. "I won't sleep with you because of X." "X" could be a positive or a negative; something she wants me to do (the reward nookie and 'good boy' when I complete some task) or punishment for some real or imagined slight.
> 
> To which some men...okay...ME...pretty much pulls the tooth of that weapon. If you want to withhold sex or offer it as a 'coin', than I remove ALL value from that transaction. It's a mugs game and allowing that behavior is setting you up for failure down the road.
> 
> For example: Let's say my roof had a small leak (and I knew how to fix it...and I had the time...and...well...you get the picture) and my wife said she'd give up the goods when the job was done.
> 
> The job obviously needs doing. I would (in my time) get it done. But...I would NOT accept the offered reward and probably wouldn't touch her for some time afterward because of that behavior. Sex is not a coin...or if it is, than it cuts both ways (ANY chore I do now gets me 'paid')
> 
> This is not the basis of a healthy relationship. I also find it disdainful of ME as a person, as someone so stupid and blind that something like that would work. If I wasn't married to her, I'd probably dump her. Easy to say now.


In light of what you have spoken in your post Samyeagar -in regards to Manipulation.. just as JCD explained.... I , too, very much agree with you both...:smthumbup:...

Personally I would divorce over this sort of thing after the vows....I wouldn't have the patience for it, it would cause great pain, a sinking feeling of not feeling wanted/ loved....frustration, wondering if the grass is greener, feeling alone..things that just shouldn't BE...

If I am a "GIVER" & get off on that...catering to MY MAN...I want to be with A GIVER..... I feel VERY strongly *the Gate* needs blown up after a loving commitment has been established, both ALL IN...after that.. we are ONE.. we DO for each other.. we chose each other...and it's our JOY.. 

My H is the type who can NOT have sex if we are fighting, he NEEDS the emotional connection or it all falls apart.. Really I am the same.. it's no wonder our fights only last a very short time.. cause we want to get back to the heights, there is no greater making up!!



> *richardsharpe said*: *Good evening Simplyamorous
> Just on your one comment. I wish people who turned their long term partners down for sex could understand this. *
> 
> *Not wanting to have sex with someone new is a completely different thing, but if you are in a long term committed relationship, being turned down by your partner is devastating and it doesn't get better the more it happens*.


Of all the things I love about being married & my H... I hold his feelings on this.. as one of those things that give me the greatest happiness even.. I know so long as he lives.. he is there for me in what I need.. my happiness is important to him, he shows this in every way.... when you are loved LIKE THAT.. you want to give back just as much... 

Many would frown on this.. (after all it is a scripture) and I don't deny it can be abused.. but when it's NOT.. it's a beautiful beautiful thing... it's how we both feel .


----------



## Runs like Dog

Because they really never want it but on the few occasions she pretends to, if you turn her down she will never ever ever ever forgive you and will dedicate her life to making your life hell over it. It's better to just get it over with than to contend with an angry insane freakazoid for the next whatever years.


----------



## Wolf1974

Cause if you do then she may not offer again?


----------



## Personal

Faithful Wife said:


> Will someone please explain this to me from the Man's Handbook? I have read various reasons why men tell each other to never turn down a woman for sex, but I'd like to get these answers all in one place.
> 
> Why is it that you're never supposed to turn a woman down? Do share.


I'm sorry I can't explain it since I haven't read the handbook, funnily enough except for anonymously here I don't talk about sex with other men.

On occasion I say no to my wife when she wants sex and I don't feel like it. It really isn't the end of the world it's also not a problem, so I still enjoy plenty of great sex.

Likewise with other women in the past I have also said no. Yet despite saying no, I've never lacked for sex with them either.

My wife asks and or offers sex as frequently as I ask and or offer it.



Runs like Dog said:


> Because they really never want it but on the few occasions she pretends to, if you turn her down she will never ever ever ever forgive you and will dedicate her life to making your life hell over it. It's better to just get it over with than to contend with an angry insane freakazoid for the next whatever years.


Of course they really want it without pretending. I am pretty sure most women aren't angry insane freakazoids. I have not (personally) known any women who didn't seek sex or likewise stopped wanting sex even after marriage.


----------



## whitehawk

So she can turn us down , but we can't turn her down or she throws a tantrum and runs of to fk someone else , is basically what that means l spose.
Well fk that .If she can turn us down then we can turn her down. Simple.


----------



## jaquen

For me personally, I don't have a problem turning a woman down for sex.

In general? 

A man is, stereotypically, suppose to be horny at all times and ready to perform at all times. If you tell a woman "no", it might strike to the heart of your virility, your very masculinity. Some will even question your sexuality (i.e. not wanting a woman at all times must men you inversely want a man instead). Both men and women buy into this myth, leading to this perpetuation in some men that they MUST always want it, because "real men" do, and women who think a man MUST say yes if she initiates, because, again, "real men" always want it.


----------



## jaquen

Personal said:


> My wife asks and or offers sex as frequently as I ask and or offer it.


This. I'm in the same situation.

I am with an initiating woman. We both are perfectly free to turn down sex whenever we want. But it's not really "no", it's just "not right now". Because we both about equally want sex, and expect sex, sex happens. 

I have less than zero interest in doing the traditional "man always asks/woman always considers" marriage. I would never, ever stay married to a woman who suddenly decided that I HAD to have sex when she wanted, or me simply not being in the mood or place for sex was enough to justify her never initiating again.

But unfortunately lots of men aren't in this situation and lots of women are completely comfortable "letting" men have sex and withdrawing their affections should he simply, for whatever reason, turn her down. There are men out here that wouldn't turn down sex because it really is like turning down water in a desert.


----------



## Jetranger

richardsharpe said:


> Not wanting to have sex with someone new is a completely different thing, but if you are in a long term committed relationship, being turned down by your partner is devastating and it doesn't get better the more it happens.


I've heard of guys who were newly dating a girl and she came on to them. Guy thinks "I know, I'll turn her down this time, because I want her to understand I really like her and am not just after her for sex!", and does so.

Girl doesn't want to see him again.


----------



## RandomDude

"Never turn down women for sex"?

Noble idea, practical sure - in the short run. In the long run it creates false expectations. I learnt that the hard way, tolerating my ex's insane HD since marriage until the point I began to withdrew which led to feelings of rejection and inadequacy.


----------



## Sunburn

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening faithfulwife
> I think that no one should ever turn their partner down for sex unless there is a REALLY good reason. This is something I have always followed.
> 
> Real necessary work is a valid reason, but random chores that could be put off are not.
> 
> Exhaustion is a reason, but it needs to be a level of exhaustion that means that you are going to bed to sleep, not do something else.
> 
> Is OK to sometimes not be in the mood, but one should provide a "rain check" and do something extra special for one's partner the next time.
> 
> Except in the case of illness I will claim that there is almost never a valid reason to turn your partner down for a week.
> 
> 
> BTW- sex doesn't need to be a marathon session. If you are tired or busy, then just something quick for them is fine. For most people 15 minutes is plenty of time to take care of their needs - it really isn't all that much to ask.


Wow, you must have run into the X Mrs. Sunburn!

Sex on Saturdays was off limits because of "chores".
M-F she caught up on her soaps after I went to bed so no sex there.
Sunday was open but only if we hadn't had sex any of the previous 3 Sundays.

Yeah, she had the whole avoidance thing down like clockwork.


----------



## thatbpguy

Guy Manual, Chapter 69 (get it?), Subchapter 72, par. 8aii, reads in part as follows:

Thou shalt not turneth down thy concubine for thine sex if indeed pursued by thine concubine for such. Especially if thou concubine shalt swalloweth.

EXCEPTIONS:

Thou mayest turneth down thine pursuing concubine if:

1. If be unpureth during 'that timeth'.

2. If thouest favorite football team doth playeth on thine TV.

3. If thou hast the clap.


----------



## unbelievable

Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 7:5


----------



## unbelievable

But from the beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female.’ 7‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife,a 8and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh. 9What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Mark 10:6-9 

Under what conditions would you deny your own arm or your leg nourishment, protection, medical attention, protection from the elements, etc?


----------



## sparkyjim

thatbpguy said:


> Guy Manual, Chapter 69 (get it?), Subchapter 72, par. 8aii, reads in part as follows:
> 
> Thou shalt not turneth down thy concubine for thine sex if indeed pursued by thine concubine for such. Especially if thou concubine shalt swalloweth.
> 
> EXCEPTIONS:
> 
> Thou mayest turneth down thine pursuing concubine if:
> 
> 1. If be unpureth during 'that timeth'.
> 
> 2. If thouest favorite football team doth playeth on thine TV.
> 
> 3. If thou hast the clap.


Thisith made me laugheth. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Thundarr

Faithful Wife said:


> Will someone please explain this to me from the Man's Handbook? I have read various reasons why men tell each other to never turn down a woman for sex, but I'd like to get these answers all in one place.
> 
> Why is it that you're never supposed to turn a woman down? Do share.


Guys who get it do turn women down .


----------



## keeper63

In 26 years of marriage, I can probably count the number of times I have turned my wife down for sex on one hand.

A few years ago, she went through the common mid-life female "hormone shift". She was insatiable, wet and ready all the time for about 4 or 5 months. It was ridiculous, she had to take an extra pair of clean panties to work with her.

During that time, I had to turn her down a few times because I was physically unable to get hard due to all the sex we were having. I tried Viagra, but my male plumbing was just worn out. I did offer to get her off with oral/fingers, but she hardly ever lets me give her standalone orgasms w/o PIV.

When I turned her down, she locked herself in the bathroom with her vibrator and the tub faucet. She didn't take it personally.

I don't count the times she texted me at work to suggest a mid-day tryst as turning her down. Too many to count during that time.

The good thing about that period is that she gained a lot of insight into my desires and sex drive, and to this day, she rarely turns me down for sex.


----------



## GA HEART

Someone tell this to my BF? Pretty please?


----------



## murphy5

its simpler than all that. Men just do not get enough married sex. So NEVER turn down a chance. Get as much poon with wifey as you can and you MIGHT even out to better than average.


----------



## samyeagar

murphy5 said:


> its simpler than all that. *Men just do not get enough married sex*. So NEVER turn down a chance. Get as much poon with wifey as you can and you MIGHT even out to better than average.


This does not apply to me. That said, I still get as much as I possibly can. Funny thing is, so does she.


----------



## Married but Happy

In reality, we turn each other down a few times a week, but it's not a problem as we still have sex (on average) more than daily. Saying no isn't a deterrent to next time, because it never becomes a pattern or habit of denial, and we know we're both going to want it soon. Sometimes the timing just isn't right - but a little later it usually is.


----------



## Fozzy

I turned my wife down ONE time many years ago. I still remember it vividly. And I still regret it.


----------



## Married but Happy

My ex wife DIDN'T turn me down ONE time many years ago. I still remember it vividly. And I still regret it.


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening marriedbuthappy
I think the issue of turning someone down for sex depends a lot on the situation. 

If the couple has frequent, enthusiastic sex, then occasionally saying no is just fine.

If sex is rare, then is is a MUCH bigger deal. 



Married but Happy said:


> In reality, we turn each other down a few times a week, but it's not a problem as we still have sex (on average) more than daily. Saying no isn't a deterrent to next time, because it never becomes a pattern or habit of denial, and we know we're both going to want it soon. Sometimes the timing just isn't right - but a little later it usually is.


----------



## GTdad

Fozzy said:


> I turned my wife down ONE time many years ago. I still remember it vividly. And I still regret it.


I can relate. Although my memory of the incident is a little vague, _she_ certainly remembers it vividly. Years later.


----------



## Holland

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening marriedbuthappy
> I think the issue of turning someone down for sex depends a lot on the situation.
> 
> If the couple has frequent, enthusiastic sex, then occasionally saying no is just fine.
> 
> If sex is rare, then is is a MUCH bigger deal.


This. But then again it is very logical and makes the saying "never turn a woman down for sex" seems just stupid. Like everything in life, it depends on the situation. 

In a good, healthy relationship then the odd turn down can be fine. In a vacant, hollow relationship then it is a disaster in the making.

Having been in that bad place it took me a long time (and still not 100% fixed) to be able to cope with a turn down. People's past bad experiences can and do impact on the present.


----------



## ocotillo

--Turn down an LD partner and that will be the excuse to say no to you for the next six months at least.

This isn't to say that all women are LD, (Certainly they're not) but stop and think who would have coined a saying like this in the first place.


----------



## jaquen

murphy5 said:


> Men just do not get enough married sex. So NEVER turn down a chance. Get as much poon with wifey as you can and you MIGHT even out to better than average.


You missed the "some" before the "Men".

Because some of us get plenty of married sex.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

keeper63 said:


> *In 26 years of marriage, I can probably count the number of times I have turned my wife down for sex on one hand.*
> 
> *A few years ago, she went through the common mid-life female "hormone shift". She was insatiable, wet and ready all the time for about 4 or 5 months.* It was ridiculous, she had to take an extra pair of clean panties to work with her.
> 
> *During that time, I had to turn her down a few times because I was physically unable to get hard due to all the sex we were having. I tried Viagra, but my male plumbing was just worn out. I did offer to get her off with oral/fingers, but she hardly ever lets me give her standalone orgasms w/o PIV*.
> 
> When I turned her down, she locked herself in the bathroom with her vibrator and the tub faucet. She didn't take it personally.
> 
> I don't count the times she texted me at work to suggest a mid-day tryst as turning her down. Too many to count during that time.
> 
> *The good thing about that period is that she gained a lot of insight into my desires and sex drive, and to this day, she rarely turns me down for sex*.


Keeper -you are a KEEPER [email protected]# You've spoken of your wife & this experience on my threads.... Yep.. that was ME minus the faucet & Vibrator, I did wait for him.. but boy was I antsy! 

And I sure GET the male sex drive ...I'll NEVER be the same ...

A shame us women can't get a taste of this in our early yrs so we can emphasize with our husbands insatiable drive -he gets the short end of the stick with our *Prime* being later in life. ..

..... I can see why they call Mid life women Cougars after that experience ... would have given anything for him to be 20 yrs younger so he could KEEP up with me!!...

..I was angry with myself for NOT "getting it" sooner ... (Lasted 8 months ...then calmed.. my feet hitting the ground ...needing foreplay again)... yet I wanted that euphoria to continue .... it just wasn't as "Urgent".. which helped temper me down some, a blessing really. 

What a RUSH.. So one tract minded during that...it was just bad...but yet GOOD.. I was thanking GOD we live in the day of that little blue pill.. ...wondering if I had a sex addiction, it's kinda funny looking back at this...I know we will laugh in our rocking chairs someday..

I was madly devouring books on how to turn him on, be the best lover possible just so I could get more sex out of him.. 

I'll never forget the day I asked him if I was being a BURDEN... he says "Sex a burden, are you crazy woman!"... he was enjoying all the hands on attention.. he didn't know what hit me.. but he was happy it did....even saying if it went away.. he'd be sad about it. He was a real trooper during that ..


----------



## captainstormy

Maybe I'm just a horny little SOB but I honestly don't think I've ever turned down a woman for sex.

But I don't put myself in situations where I might find myself with unscrupulousness women so every time I've been offered it was from my significant other at the time or a woman who was not obviously impaired or attached.


----------



## CuddleBug

Faithful Wife said:


> Will someone please explain this to me from the Man's Handbook? I have read various reasons why men tell each other to never turn down a woman for sex, but I'd like to get these answers all in one place.
> 
> Why is it that you're never supposed to turn a woman down? Do share.



The reasons I would never turn my wifee down for sex are as follows:

- she would feel ugly and more insecure big time
- she would think there is something wrong with her
- wondering am I cheating?
- her mind would be working 24/7 going crazy with worries
- she wouldn't feel like a good wifee

But she has turned me down so many times, it's too high to remember. This all changed "when she finally got it" so the last 8 or so months, weight has come off a lot, new clothes, hair styles, braces, she is really starting to get that hour glass figure, she initiates sex and instead of 1x month and its a chore, now its 1 - 3x week and she does enjoy it. Actually, we had sex about 1.5 hours ago.........

I would say, its not women turning down men for sex or men turning down women for sex. It's more LD spouse turning down the HD spouse.

The ladies know they are soft and sexy and drive us guys wild, how they move, walk, clothes they wear, make up, hairstyles, flirty smiles, showing their sexy feet in their open shoes, bending over to pick up something, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc. For us guys to turn them down for sex is just a huge NO - NO. They literally have us by the balls. But when guys say no to sex and their advances, they have no power over us, not by the balls.....drives 'em crazy and the situation is reversed.

I wish everyone would live by this. When you get married, you are not your own anymore and you are to take care of each others needs as your own, whatever they might be. So a LD spouse has to really make the effort not to be LD anymore and the HD spouse must take care of their other halves needs. 50 / 50.


----------



## moco82

Because what if you get hit by a bus tomorrow?


----------



## MEM2020

Richard,
1000 percent agree with this.

We have virtually no strain over sex because:
- If either of us makes a 'hard pass' via: Babe I am dying for you (the other smiles and says great)
- If either makes a soft pass: do you want to connect tonight? The response is either a big smile or a soft request to connect tomorrow.

This isn't a vague 'rain check', it is a sincere commit for the next day.

That said, the 'hard pass' is rare, because it isn't needed. The soft pass makes life easier on the LD spouse....l

And there is never a 'pass' of either type at a spouse who is clearly in physical or mental distress or overtly exhausted. That is simply unkind. 

One really good thing comes out of this style of request / response. It completely removes the need for lying. 

Because the statement: would it be ok to connect tomorrow (and it really is a statement more than a question) requires no elaboration. No explanation. No excuses. No justification. 

I LIKE that M2 doesn't feel like she has to make up some nonsense for me. Because 90% of the time the truth would just be: I have a lower sex drive than you do. 






richardsharpe said:


> Good evening faithfulwife
> I think that no one should ever turn their partner down for sex unless there is a REALLY good reason. This is something I have always followed.
> 
> Real necessary work is a valid reason, but random chores that could be put off are not.
> 
> Exhaustion is a reason, but it needs to be a level of exhaustion that means that you are going to bed to sleep, not do something else.
> 
> Is OK to sometimes not be in the mood, but one should provide a "rain check" and do something extra special for one's partner the next time.
> 
> Except in the case of illness I will claim that there is almost never a valid reason to turn your partner down for a week.
> 
> 
> BTW- sex doesn't need to be a marathon session. If you are tired or busy, then just something quick for them is fine. For most people 15 minutes is plenty of time to take care of their needs - it really isn't all that much to ask.


----------



## TheCuriousWife

samyeagar said:


> Just as men do. I've seen it oft repeated here that women aren't as visual as men, that they are responsive to male initiation, things like that. My experiences have been contrary to that common thought, and I have to wonder...how many women try to deny their own biology to fit within social stereotypes and norms...I know many men do...the subject of this thread is an example of that.


:iagree:

Every time I see a meme about stereotypical men/women sexual-ness it makes me mad. I'm much more visual than my husband. i could walk around naked and he wouldn't notice, but if his penis is out, I'm on that!


----------



## murphy5

TheCuriousWife said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Every time I see a meme about stereotypical men/women sexual-ness it makes me mad. I'm much more visual than my husband. i could walk around naked and he wouldn't notice, but if his penis is out, I'm on that!


Hide all his pants and underpants??? 

Only leave a leather kilt on your bed in his size!


----------



## TheCuriousWife

murphy5 said:


> Hide all his pants and underpants???
> 
> Only leave a leather kilt on your bed in his size!


Ha! I wish!


----------



## Married but Happy

murphy5 said:


> Only leave a leather kilt on your bed in his size!


My wife has been trying to get me to wear a kilt for years. I'm not Scottish, and would need a lot of Scotch to make it happen. Besides, I don't like heights (especially after lots of Scotch!) and she'd have me climbing ladders all day.


----------



## murphy5

Married but Happy said:


> My wife has been trying to get me to wear a kilt for years. I'm not Scottish, and would need a lot of Scotch to make it happen. Besides, I don't like heights (especially after lots of Scotch!) and she'd have me climbing ladders all day.


here's your big chance! Surprise her. (they tend to run small):

Leather Wrap Around Style Black Kilt Custom Made to Order | eBay


----------



## Runs like Dog

At this point I'm done. If somehow the space aliens came down abducted the wife and brought her back as an insatiable sex robot I'd turn her down 100% of the time. Too much ill will and water under the bridge and so forth. She'd be free to bang her head on the wall or move out or who cares. 

So I was reading that the UC system is implementing this 'affirmative affirmative' rules system for sexual conduct among students where every little micro step of the way the man has to ask "Is this alright?" and the woman must say "Yes" to go any further. And permission can be withdrawn at any point including during intercourse. And perhaps after the fact. "Can I put my hand here? here? Over here?"

Maybe that's not a bad idea. Maybe all the women should be "Lesbians Until Graduation" and beyond and people shouldn't expect normal sexual relations at all, ever. And if they do, it's probably criminal. Maybe sharia gets it right at least in terms of complete isolation of men and women. Maybe we need to take that to next step and stop reproducing for a generation.


----------



## Fozzy

Wow. And I thought I was angry.


----------



## Runs like Dog

Fozzy said:


> Wow. And I thought I was angry.


It's not anger it's distrust. I would not trust my mate's interest in sex. It would be some agenda that was so bizarre so extreme that it was unattainable any other way.


----------



## heartsbeating

Married but Happy said:


> My wife has been trying to get me to wear a kilt for years. I'm not Scottish, and would need a lot of Scotch to make it happen. Besides, I don't like heights (especially after lots of Scotch!) and she'd have me climbing ladders all day.


She's just after your bagpipes!


----------



## richardsharpe

Good evening runslikeadog
There are lots of couples with happy sex lives. We just don't see them very much here because boards like this are mostly for people with some problem in their relationship.






Runs like Dog said:


> At this point I'm done. If somehow the space aliens came down abducted the wife and brought her back as an insatiable sex robot I'd turn her down 100% of the time. Too much ill will and water under the bridge and so forth. She'd be free to bang her head on the wall or move out or who cares.
> 
> So I was reading that the UC system is implementing this 'affirmative affirmative' rules system for sexual conduct among students where every little micro step of the way the man has to ask "Is this alright?" and the woman must say "Yes" to go any further. And permission can be withdrawn at any point including during intercourse. And perhaps after the fact. "Can I put my hand here? here? Over here?"
> 
> Maybe that's not a bad idea. Maybe all the women should be "Lesbians Until Graduation" and beyond and people shouldn't expect normal sexual relations at all, ever. And if they do, it's probably criminal. Maybe sharia gets it right at least in terms of complete isolation of men and women. Maybe we need to take that to next step and stop reproducing for a generation.


----------



## jaquen

CuddleBug said:


> The ladies know they are soft and sexy and drive us guys wild, how they move, walk, clothes they wear, make up, hairstyles, flirty smiles, showing their sexy feet in their open shoes, bending over to pick up something, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc. For us guys to turn them down for sex is just a huge NO - NO. They literally have us by the balls. But when guys say no to sex and their advances, they have no power over us, not by the balls.....drives 'em crazy and the situation is reversed.


Yeah, no thanks. I love women, but I don't think p*@ssy is worth my self respect. What you describe, as common as it is, sounds desperate and shifts all power over to women.

And that never has, and never will, work for me. I'm not going to treat ass like some rare commodity. It's not.


----------



## Marduk

Runs like Dog said:


> At this point I'm done. If somehow the space aliens came down abducted the wife and brought her back as an insatiable sex robot I'd turn her down 100% of the time. Too much ill will and water under the bridge and so forth. She'd be free to bang her head on the wall or move out or who cares.
> 
> So I was reading that the UC system is implementing this 'affirmative affirmative' rules system for sexual conduct among students where every little micro step of the way the man has to ask "Is this alright?" and the woman must say "Yes" to go any further. And permission can be withdrawn at any point including during intercourse. And perhaps after the fact. "Can I put my hand here? here? Over here?"
> 
> Maybe that's not a bad idea. Maybe all the women should be "Lesbians Until Graduation" and beyond and people shouldn't expect normal sexual relations at all, ever. And if they do, it's probably criminal. Maybe sharia gets it right at least in terms of complete isolation of men and women. Maybe we need to take that to next step and stop reproducing for a generation.


----------



## Rooster2014

Faithful Wife said:


> Will someone please explain this to me from the Man's Handbook? I have read various reasons why men tell each other to never turn down a woman for sex, but I'd like to get these answers all in one place.
> 
> Why is it that you're never supposed to turn a woman down? Do share.


well just the same as. never give another man a chance to make your wife smile!!! men usually want their wives sexually satisfied. so they see no reason to look else where. i do understand there is more to that need women have trust me but you get the idea. JMO


----------



## treyvion

jaquen said:


> Yeah, no thanks. I love women, but I don't think p*@ssy is worth my self respect. What you describe, as common as it is, sounds desperate and shifts all power over to women.
> 
> And that never has, and never will, work for me. I'm not going to treat ass like some rare commodity. It's not.


To say it like that is kinda vulgar.

But your viewpoint will allow you to get more sex, and keep you from getting stuck on ones who are wasting your time.

It's a better strategy.


----------



## T&T

treyvion said:


> To say it like that is kinda vulgar


Not really when you think about what he was responding to. That post made me throw up in my mouth a little...

FW, I've turned down my wife for sex quite a few times. If I'm not up for it, it sure won't be very good for her...

I'd rather give her NSA oral.


----------



## BostonBruins32

T&T said:


> Not really when you think about what he was responding to. That post made me throw up in my mouth a little...
> 
> FW, I've turned down my wife for sex quite a few times. If I'm not up for it, it sure won't be very good for her...
> 
> I'd rather give her NSA oral.


i thought the same thing. i had to clean up the puke dribble on my shirt. 

What a curious issue.. should men or shouldnt men turn down a woman for sex. it should be a resounding "yes for xyz reasons". but instead there is a potential future cost in doing so. :scratchhead:

Yet I know my wife wouldnt think twice about turning me down for sex, whether it was a 5 year drought, 2 day drought, random night, vacation night, date, no date..etc.. Yet in theory I have to consider the future impact of turning her down.


----------



## jaquen

treyvion said:


> To say it like that is kinda vulgar.


I don't see the vulgarity, but I'm fine if you think it is. There are worse things to be called than vulgar.




treyvion said:


> But your viewpoint will allow you to get more sex, and keep you from getting stuck on ones who are wasting your time.
> 
> It's a better strategy.



That's the thing, it's not a strategy. It's just a fact of my life. I'd rather never have sex again if the only other option was having to beg, grovel, or "strategize" for tail. If you're in a relationship with me I expect you to want sex for your own right, and specifically want sex with me; to genuinely desire it. If I have to strategize or work for p&ssy from somebody who is suppose to actually want to be with me, the point of being in a committed, monogamous relationship has been totally lost. 

I've got no problem turning sex down; I do it all the time. If I don't want to have sex right now, I'm with a woman who knows that "no" just means "not yet". If a situation arose where I couldn't say "no" out of fear that I might not get some again, we need to deal with that problem RIGHT NOW or move our separate ways. I won't be in a relationship where sex is treated like some kind of special, rare gift that gets bestowed on me by a woman. That's a hell no, nope, never.


----------

