# What is important to you?



## LostandAlone (Jun 22, 2008)

Hello ladies,

I am hoping for a female view on what is most important from a husband in a marriage. Now I know the ideal answer will be both but consider the situation and how you would feel if you were in this position (no pun intended  )

If your husband was extremely affectionate and liked to cuddle with you every night before going to sleep but did not have a high sex drive, rarely initiated sex but almost never turned you down when you wanted / needed it, would that keep you satisfied as a wife and as a woman? Or would the lack of initiation be a big problem because of how it made you feel as a woman, like your husband didn't want you sexually? Also to specify, the cause of the low sex drive was proven to be medical.

I appreciate your input


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## stumped (May 16, 2008)

LostandAlone said:


> Hello ladies,
> 
> I am hoping for a female view on what is most important from a husband in a marriage. Now I know the ideal answer will be both but consider the situation and how you would feel if you were in this position (no pun intended  )
> 
> ...


As long as my husband had communicated this to me and also made an attempt to initiate sex once in a while I would be fine with it. But I can see where at may be a problem for women that arent very outgoing or initiators to begin with. All women are not the same and some are old fashioned with wanting the man to initiate. I definatley think it is something that could be worked on though as long as both partners made the effort and talked about it =)


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

You seem to be somewhat like my husband. He doesnt initiate sex often and SOMETIMES turn me down if I initiate. We had reasonably good sex life before we had kids but it has been worst since kids. It affected me a lot, I felt less attractive and started wondering why? I also suspect that my husband is suffering from low sex drive lately. He had so far never hint me anything (he is the kind who feels a man should never have this problem) 

For me, whats important is to have all my husband's love, lots of cuddles and pillow talks and of course sex whenever possible. If he communicates his problem, I will be more than happy to enjoy sex only when he is able to. So Yes I will be satisfied with a extremely affectionate husband even if he cant give me sex often.


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## tryingtotrust (Jul 16, 2007)

Which is worse, a husband who loves to cuddle and be affectionate but doesn't initiate sex or a husband who wants sex but doesn't want to be affectionate?

That can take a toll on your self-esteem too. I'd rather have the affection than feel like a piece of meat.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

initiation has to come from both sides. it does not have to be 50/50.
but unfortunately i have a very high sex drive and my hubby turns me down. which gets me really frustrated.
nothing like the real thing.
but when i want it, im not afraid to initiate. 
i think sometimes we put barriers up , in case of rejection. 
but i think this just depends on your personality, character and how you personally deal with situations.
if i get rejected, i just tell him, ill do all the work, so i get my way.
reading your email, you still seem to have a balance of being affectionate and caring. and although the low drive, u dont turn down sex. what a fab combination.
nobody can have it all. 
i think you should try and initiate atleast sometimes. this would make her feel more special, like she is wanted.


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## LostandAlone (Jun 22, 2008)

Thank you everyone for your input, I really appreciate it.



justean said:


> i think sometimes we put barriers up , in case of rejection.
> but i think this just depends on your personality, character and how you personally deal with situations.


Besides the medical explanation of low testosterone I do put up barriers that developed a long time ago because of frequent rejection. I try to explain this to my wife but it doesn't get through. I guess it does sound like an excuse.



> reading your email, you still seem to have a balance of being affectionate and caring. and although the low drive, u dont turn down sex. what a fab combination.
> nobody can have it all.
> i think you should try and initiate atleast sometimes. this would make her feel more special, like she is wanted.


You hit the nail on the head in saying that I should try to initiate sometimes. I think I felt that it was a "fab combination" too and thought that made it ok not to initiate. Boy was I wrong!


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## freeshias4me (Dec 4, 2007)

Your husband sounds JUST like mine...Loves to cuddle, but has a low sex drive to have it, or initiate it.
But I kinda solved my own problem, because all I wanted him to do occasionally is to tell me he thinks I'm still sexy, so I actually ask him it! I just sometimes smile, and give him a hug (I know it's hard when you're feeling unwanted), but I catch him in a good mood, and just ask him coyly: "So, you think I'm still sexy?" or:"You got a hot woman, huh"? He always answers yes 
After he says that, I just tell him: "Then you can tell me once in a while"! (I say that with a smile)


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## lily08 (Jul 7, 2008)

My husband is very affectionate and he jokingly initiates sex. I like the affection, but sometimes I wish he would just be a little more "aggressive" if you will in his desires for me. It seems like the only time we have sex is when I make the moves. I want to have the desire. Not just grab assing, but real desire like when we were first together.


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## fredfoxw28 (Jan 11, 2008)

I know how you feel I think my husband is afraid of me. He even says I intimidate him. So he waits for me to initate. I told him if he keeps that up he will be waiting for ever. Or he will try the one arm around the waist at night or what i like to call the car wash (rubbing my butt) so annoying, lol.


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## LostandAlone (Jun 22, 2008)

fredfoxw28 said:


> Or he will try the one arm around the waist at night or what i like to call the car wash (rubbing my butt) so annoying, lol.


 Honey, is that you?? :rofl:

Well at least I'm not the only one that gets intimidated. I wonder what that stems from? I know I had some rejection issues in previous relationships and thought those might be a factor but even when I do initiate I don't just ask, I have to make some not so subtle hints. Very strange :scratchhead:

The fact that I have these issues does not help my wife feel less neglected unfortunately, I don't know if she just thinks it's an excuse or what but she still feels "unwanted". The very worst part about it is after a few times where I was too timid to initiate I decided to just take care of it myself. Well I apparently wasn't as stealthy as I thought because she recently has told me that she heard me which really hurt her  I can't win...


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## LuckyGirl (Jul 9, 2008)

tryingtotrust said:


> Which is worse, a husband who loves to cuddle and be affectionate but doesn't initiate sex or a husband who wants sex but doesn't want to be affectionate?
> 
> That can take a toll on your self-esteem too. I'd rather have the affection than feel like a piece of meat.


:iagree:


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