# 10 Years and out.....



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

So my wife and I will be sitting for our first mediation consult in two weeks. For the life of me I am heartbroken, happy and just simply confused about this. we've been together for 10 years and have a 6 and 2 year old. When my son turned 4 it's when I started to notice a change in her. Little by little the jokes stopped, the laughter diminished and the interaction physically started to die off. More and more her role as a wife and partner deteriorated while her role as a mother took over. Years went by and I would say things to her and we would have arguments over the fact that I was feeling neglected and as if I was just taking up space. She would get angry at me because I wanted to spend time with her, go figure. 

Well within the last 10 months I meet a girl here at work and her and I hit it off. We got along great, laughed and joked and she made me feel attractive and appealing. She was younger than me and I got wrapped up in a whirlwind of emotions with this girl. For about 4 years I spent telling my wife about this feeling I had of neglect and it went unheard and ignored. Finally when I met this girl and seeing that she was interested in me I threw my hands in the air and simply gave up and began having an affair. I own that I was wrong, but I tried for so long to tell her and she was completely un willing to change. I wasnt even asking for her to change dramatically and forget that we had kids. After 4 years of saying the same thing over and over and then this beautiful girl starts looking at me and wanting me, I went to the easiest avenue for affection and attention. Well I got caught and i violated the one thing that my wife never thought I would do which was cheat. Well here we are and I end up the loser on all fronts, not only did the girl that I had the affair with have a boyfriend which she was willing to not leave even though she was verbally mistreated, but my wife will not even attempt to try and heal and forgive me. I dont blame her and she is entitled and justified in her feelings, if it were me I'd feel the same way. I'm extremely depressed and down at everything and to make matters worse, we are in such a financial bind that I have to live at the house we own. I want to move on and try and get past everything in order for me to get my head straight but it's difficult when you're faced everyday with the person you've hurt and betrayed. I guess I'm just looking for people that are going through similar things and find people to talk to. This isnt easy as I put myself first over my family, my two children will suffer because of this and that breaks my heart more than anything. I love my wife and I have told her that i wasn't perfect and that I made poor choices and that I simply just gave up on our marriage. I was weak and I went to the first thing to alleviate my feeling of neglect. Now I sit alone. The worst part of it all that going into this affair everything was fairly physical at first and then we both admitted to each other that we were in love. She still couldn't find it in herself to leave her boyfriend for me though. Although this other guy was saying terrible things to her, she would make excuses for it and this led into a revolving door of up on top of the clouds one week and her cutting me off an distancing herself from me the next. She was recently let go from my job and we shared one last kiss that day and I told her to not forget me and to not disappear. Since then she has told me to no longer call or text her because she is going through a rough time and has a lot on her plate to deal with and on top of that trying to make her relationship work with her boyfriend. As much pain as I'm in because of the home situation, this has only made it worse. I feel as if I was toyed with and foolish for investing my heart into this girl only for her to dismiss me and move on while I'm left holding the bag of a broken marriage and heart. My friends tell me to just cut her off and try to get over the hurt and pain of his girl, and every night I find myself on the couch thinking and hoping my phone rings and it's her. I just feel that this was all for nothing and I lost my family because of it and my depression is getting the best of me. I'm trying to look forward and hope for better times. I also recognize that me and my wife wont work anymore and it's better to be a positive influence apart than a negative influnece together for our kids.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Hi there, and I'm sorry that you are here and hurting, well what can one say about your story, you know you did wrong and you acted very selfishly......
So you are here in this situation living with the one you hurt. If I were you I would do everything in my power to show my wife what kind of man I can be, even if she doesn't respond, do it for however long you have.........
You be a great Dad, you take care of your wife's needs as well as you can, I think she will notice more if they are little things that she usually does for herself, if they are just finished and there for her........She will eventually see you are trying and really mean what you say..............
Always look good, smell good and appear together and happy.
If you can get any physical contact in do so, however small. Little things might give you a shot at fixing what you have done wrong. It might not but what have you got to lose, and whatever you do, don't give her any reason to ever doubt you again............
You can't say you are sorry enough.........I would suggest bringing up past happy memories or leave things around that would make her think of your life at a better time..........every little bit helps.........
Don't rush moving out yet. The more time you have the better, understand her feelings, validate her and them.........
It is not over until it's over, keep your focus on the future......
All you can do is to try to fix things, if it doesn't work then you just have to accept the consequences of your actions......
good luck


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

I appreciate the feedback Jessi. Thank you and I will take your words into heart and think of things to do.


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