# How to get past my insecurities



## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

I have been dating a guy for 1 month now I really like him,we have had dinners at each other's houses and have short conversations on the phone as we both don't like talking on the phone.
My problem is I feel very insecure about the relationship and I don't know why,I really have strong feelings for him and he is everything I want in a man but I keep thinking that he is going to tell me its just not working out.
I was in a 6 yr realtionship 2 yrs married and it ended 7 months ago,so I am really not knowing how this dating thing works anymore as I have been out of it for many yrs.
How often should 2 people be seeing and talking to each other in the first month of dating?When is it safe to tell the other person how you feel about them without pushing them away.I just don't know what to do.I should be happy but I am so worried that I am going to lose him.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

it's case by case, but this is the guy you've had sex with and have a hard time having conversation with, right? if that's the case, you've loosened up (no pun intended) enough to have sex with him but are having a hard time having serious conversation. i think you need to be able to at least talk to him. maybe the first month isn't the time to be giving sex if you are struggling to converse. one thing you know now, you won't be "pushing him away" with sex.


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## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

I know I made the mistake of sleeping with this man very quickly and I can't change that and we certainley don't have sex everytime we see each other.
We have had some conversations re family life and he had asked me if I would ever marry again.My issue is I don't want to come on to strong as to push him away.He is a very caring man and him and my daughter get along great I am scared that now I have found a man who's qualities I love I will lose him if I say or do the wrong thing.
I am alway's feeling that he is going to tell me it's just not working out and I don't know why.
I guess it is like the saying it is too good too be true.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

cool. "push him away" means a lot of things. if he doesn't want intimacy, intimacy would push him away. if he doesn't wanna make a "commitment" you forcing the issue would push him away. shoot, the list is endless. that's why i think i dwelled on the sex after a couple of weeks dating him. you asked a question about pushing him away, but you gave him your most precious asset. seems a little out of order, for me. now, slowwww dowwwn. continue having fun with him. theres nothing more sexy/attractive than watchimng a girl have fun around us. guys are pretty simple. YOUR happiness usually makes US happy. now go on...enjoy the coutship. let him court you.

BE SECURE. that's attractive too.


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

voivod said:


> cool. "push him away" means a lot of things. if he doesn't want intimacy, intimacy would push him away. if he doesn't wanna make a "commitment" you forcing the issue would push him away. shoot, the list is endless. that's why i think i dwelt on the sex after a couple of weeks dating him. you asked a question about pushing him away, but you gave him your most precious asset. seems a little out of order, for me. now, slowwww dowwwn. continue having fun witgh him. theres nothing more sexy/attractive than watchimng a girl have fun around us. guys are pretty simple. YOUR happiness usually makes US happy. now go on...enjoy the coutship. let him court you.
> 
> BE SECURE. that's attractive too.


:iagree:

draconis


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## hockey_mom (Oct 23, 2008)

I hav'nt heard from my boyfriend for 3 day's should I call him or wait I am so worried


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I would wait. I never called a guy if he didnt call me. Maybe i was brought up old fashioned. Or maybe i just figured if they were interested, they'd call. 

Has he ever not called before?


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

hockey_mom said:


> I hav'nt heard from my boyfriend for 3 day's should I call him or wait I am so worried


the title of you original post was "how to get past my insecurities"

okay...idea one...don't call him...wait for him to call you. hate to say it, but he's already "conquered" one mountain with you.

wait, relax. guys don't generally like needy or clingy.


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## LoveAtLast (Nov 17, 2008)

What is it he liked about you in the first place? Just concentrate on that. Don't push, don't ask how he feels and DON'T confess how you feel about him. 

If it's meant to be, it'll happen. If you only focus on the fact you might lose him, then he won't be able to see all the good things that attracted him to you in the first place.

As to sex...you've done it so you can't go back. Just keep it in perspective and concentrate on having fun and enjoying this guy.


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## facalda (Nov 17, 2008)

Having sex with a guy right away is not a mistake. I had sex with my fiance right away, as did both of my sisters who are now married. The idea that a woman needs to "hold on" to that "asset" is outdated and chauvanistic. If having sex too soon hurts a guy's image of the girl, then that shows he doesn't know how to respect women to begin with. A man worth having doesn't equate sex with his respect for you. 

Now that I got that out of the way, take a deep breath. I've had friends get back into the dating game and fall really quickly how it sounds like you're doing. If you've only known this guy for a month, I don't think you know him well enough to know he has all of the qualities you're looking for. At this early on, there's still a lot to play before you're going to know it's long term and serious. I think everyone in this stage is insecure, so you just have to hold tight and let time be the judge. Try not to analyze everything that's happening and just relax and be yourself.


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