# confrontation tomorrow with wife in rehab



## bigmess (Nov 25, 2012)

My wife is in rehab in another state. She has been there for almost a month. The day before she left I went into her phone and found out she has been having an affair. I have talked to her counselor in rehab and she wants to confront this tomorrow via a phone call when wife is in her office on speaker phone. 

I dont know what to expect but I am hoping she at least admits to it. If she doesnt there is no hope that things can be worked out. This is her second affair.....


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

bigmess said:


> My wife is in rehab in another state. She has been there for almost a month. The day before she left I went into her phone and found out she has been having an affair. I have talked to her counselor in rehab and she wants to confront this tomorrow via a phone call when wife is in her office on speaker phone.
> 
> I dont know what to expect but I am hoping she at least admits to it. If she doesnt there is no hope that things can be worked out. This is her second affair.....



How sure are you of that? 

This sounds really nasty, also make sure the counselor leaves the room before you ask as that person may change her answer. 

What was her 1st affair?


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## bigmess (Nov 25, 2012)

how sure am I of what?? 
what do you mean by "what was her 1st affair"


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## Kasler (Jul 20, 2012)

Many betrayed spouses say a lot of things, few follow through on them

you said this is her second affair.

What was the 1st one? or is it with the same man?

What are the details of the 1st affair? was the OM(other man) close to you? an ex of hers? how long and how severe?


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## bigmess (Nov 25, 2012)

The first one was with someone I know but was not friends with and had not seen in many many years. 

We divorced after the 1st affair mainly because of it and also other issues in the marriage. From what I know it had been going on for a few months prior to us splitting and it continued after I left for about 6 months. 

This time it is with a different man. An old boss of hers that recently went through a divorce.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

rehab for what? Who put her there? How long in?


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Ditch the confrontation and meet up with your lawyer. She cheated, she's in rehab. Too many problems to even contemplate living with this woman let alone reconciling imo.


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

If you divorced her, why is she your problem anymore?


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## bigmess (Nov 25, 2012)

turnera said:


> rehab for what? Who put her there? How long in?


she is in rehab for alcohol and prescription meds. She has been there almost a month. I did a mini intervention on her and she went.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Is it worth talking to her over phone? And that too in the presence of her counselor?

Buddy, let her go.

Live.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

They oughta be working on her PERSONAL issues, not her addictions.


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## Silverlining (Jan 15, 2012)

Previous post from Bigmess

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/61620-2nd-time.html


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## My_2nd_Rodeo (Nov 20, 2012)

bigmess said:


> I dont know what to expect


Lies, deceit, critical omissions, maybe additional confessions. 

I'm really curious if the counselor is going to keep her honest (to the best of his/her knowledge) or they'll just be silent or if he/she will be partial to your X's cause.

Let us know how it goes.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

jameskimp said:


> If you divorced her, why is she your problem anymore?


Agree. Are you currently married to her, or not? If not, just walk away. She has shyte on you enough already.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You have been doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship, supporting her and the kids. You don't need to have her back to keep supporting the kids.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I am so sorry.
You have tried more than most would, and I know the pressure from the family has not been easy.
Personally, I'd be reluctant to confront over the phone, but facing the stupid choices one makes is necessary in rehab, albeit rehab for substance abuse or infidelity.
Let us know what happens.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Fool me once...


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