# Not sure what to do?



## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

Today I used the i phone tracker and my husband was suppose to be at work. I found out he not at work. I called him asked what he was doing? I said what are you doing good morning he works night shift as a medic. He said playing a game on the computer. I know it was a lie I tracked him all the way back to work on his phone. not letting him know til he reached two minutes of work.
He then said I will show you a picture I am at work which I saw he was by the tracker. The reason I was tracking him is I don't trust him. I caught him lying to me before. He had an emotional affair a few years back. Then since then he started working with a woman. She is going threw divorce. He didn't want me to know he was working with her. So he lied to me for six months and I found out cause another nurse told me. He was working with her. I don't think she is who he may be cheating with but its always possible. The nurse that told me to begin with would probably tell me. We went for counseling and we needed to stop for financial reasons. We were about to leave for disney. My kids are so disappointed. I cannot believe he is lying and I have no idea why. He worked 90 hour shifts to afford this trip. why would you screw all that up? why is he lying it's like he has a double life. I told him I want a divorce. I cannot stay married to someone who is lying. He told me he is not lying. The tracker is wrong which is was not. So he now wants a divorcee also. cause I accused him of lying. So that's fine. The kicker is he wants me to apoligize to him for accusing him of lying. He will not admit he is not being faithful. I think he may be meeting his exgirlfriend from before we meet and she was working this morning. When I talked with his partner he said I am sorry but I need to work with him I can't get involved. I said to him he should not involve you by taking you to meet whomever. He said I am sorry mam. My son's cousin I talked with him and he said the same thing I need to work with him I can't tell you. I told my son's cousin I will not tell him anything I just want to know to file for divorce. My husband keeps saying the tracker is wrong. Iphone tracker. What would you do? 
I am pretty sure I need to walk away I cannot fix something with someone who will not come clean.
I am going through so much already. Being sick going through testing for ms and I found a breast lump and I have a kidney tumor that needs to be removed. I didn't need this. Any suggestions for what really going on? I cannot get him to admit he is cheating. I know if he has the marriage cannot be fixed if saved unless he does. I am canceling the trip monday morning my kids are so sad. He hurt everyone.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The iphone trakcer is a great tool, but the VAR (voice activated recorder) planted under his car seat will get you what you need.

Don't forget the velcrotape.

His rig can be tracked by his employer, so most likely if he is meeting up with his affair partner its in his own vehical.


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## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

No he used the ambulance this morning. His partner said I was with him all day but I cannot get involved. He is till denying it saying my partner just dont want to be involved. You would think if he wasn't and he was desperate to save our marriage he would have him tell me he wasn't cheating. I know if it was me but I have never cheated in any relationship. I am a rare person it seems. just said I cannot find someone who appreciated that. His empolyer will not tell me if he was cheating it is an everyday occurance in this business and they cover for each other it would make you sick if you knew how much.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

My kids a EMT she tells me the stories...
So I get it.

Your old man doesn't have his own car?

He doesn't have personal use of the rig does he?


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## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

He has a car. It's in both names. I have been home with our son and have been ill lately. He is not suppose to have personal use of the rig but these guys use it to go to wawa and the mall etc. around here. They drive home etc. My husband drives an hour away for work. pay is better. Funny thing he told me he wanted to marry me cause he didn't want the ems bs and didn't like the cheating how things have changed in seven years. Last week when he was mad he said he wanted to be alone. With no one and he said he didn't even want the kids. His two from his first and our son. Right in front of my five year old. I told him how immature and wrong it was. His first wife cheated on him. My first cheated on me numerous times. If he is not cheating he just will not work on the marriage and I am done being the only one. I cannot do it alone and I cannot even trust him at this point.


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## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

How reliable is the iphone tracker he is telling me it was incorrect. I am wrong?

He told my five year old I will take you by myself to disney. He is not canceling the trip and I told him you cannot take him out of the state.
He is yelling at me. I am wrong. I need to apoligize but he still wants a divorce. 
This week to look at a tumor I found. I will not get more upset than I quietly am with all of this. My ms will flare if I let this get me to much I am riding a bike two hours a day a few times a week trying to keep it at bay. 
My 19 year old son downloaded iphone recovery tool. My five year old is playing a game on his phone so when he goes upstairs we will check it. To see deleted messages. I don't see any on our cell bill though. He could be using email and other apps. He has known I didn't trust him and he will be sneaky about it. It's is no secret and he does nothing but blame it on me and don't fix it. I would like to save the marriage if he is not cheating and he is just not fixing it and burnt out. If he is cheating I am not sure I want to save it. He can use squad phones and squad, emails etc. squad computers to cheat. Him seeing I am serious will make him realize if he is not cheating he is losing me. He didn't listen to the marriage counselor she said if you dont make this work you will never make any relationship work. His reply was I don't intend to be with anyone else. I think he just wants to be alone. Hang out with the guys.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Place holder for VAR info to be done wheniget to my comp.

VARs

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. Set bit rate to 44K or higher and sensitivity to very high or better Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off.

Put the second in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around.

Usual warning. If you hear another man get in her car STOP Listening and have a trusted friend tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while Canother man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! NO MORE CONFRONTS!!

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for three men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality.

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful.

Look for a burner phone. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone"

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.


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## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

My son checked his phone for text and it's all clear no text to anyone there shouldn't be for the last few weeks. Last time it was updated. 
Now if he is sending messages using work email and other apps. gmall etc. I don't know. The question still is why was he where he should not of been today? Why is he lying? He still claiming he is not lying buts wants a divorce. I am going to buy a vac and put it in the car. Like I said no outgoing calls on his cell. If he is cheating then he is doing all of anything from work. I can show up and see one night. He knows I cannot trust him. He did that and doesn't want to do the work to fix it.

Can anyone tell me how to get emails? From phone sent out ot deleted. They come to our apple box for our acct just not works acct and if he would have gmail. I don't get it. I know every password. To phone and his home email. We ride bikes three times a week together. I don't get it. At this point he is writing me notes one minute, then screaming the next then putting his hand on the bible saying he did not cheat. I don't know what to think.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

See my original post for instructions.

Written toward cheating wives but Ill help bust ANY cheater.


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## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

Thanks, I not sure at this point what to do. Last night was horible the yelling he did. My seventeen year old told him enough twice. He yelled stuff we are no longer married as of today. He tried to take my five year old. I caught him in the picture closet destroying pictures. His behavior last night is not something I can or want to deal with. 
He needs to control his temper. The yelling was crazy. At this point I don't know if it can be saved or if I want to the way he acted.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Is he maybe not cheating but doing drugs (possibly roids as this sounds like drug rage as well). He is definitely doing something. As to his partners, it is human nature to claim neutrality in situations like these (drugs, affairs, etc) when you know something is happening to cya and keep one out of the line of fire by admitting to the wrongful act. 

This happened after I caught my wife, I was talking to her best friend and mentioned why didn't she tell me, or at least tell the WW to own her actions and tell me. She said it wasn't her place. I claimed she didn't know the hurt it causes and her response was to get defensive and scream at me how would I know what she had experienced. I just said I assumed she hadn't and if she had she wouldn't have supported my wife in that way. She just claimed I had no idea what she had been through in her life. This proved to me she had done it as well. There is no shame in admitting to not having knowledge of or performing wrong doing so people won't deny in those situations. However people are judged badly if they knew something and supported it, so when confronted they will usually claim neutrality rather than lie. This way they can maintain their level of distance from the situation without showing support or condemnation. Is it considered getting involved to tell the truth that nothing is happening? Not usually and most wouldn't be upset if their partner supported their claim of innocence, by claiming neutrality they are not going against the partner and causing waves in the workplace. 

I would never be mad at a coworker for confirming with my wife the truth about something if I was doing nothing wrong, but I can see where it could strain relationships if they told the truth about something I had been lying about and covering up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Robsia (Mar 11, 2013)

So where was he?

The iphone tracker is pretty reliable. Since I found out about my WH's affairs, he suggested we both use Find My Friends, which uses the same GPS thing.

Occasionally it can't get the precise location so it triangulates the best it can and puts the phone in the middle of a rough circle, but it generally fine tune within a few minutes. once it fine tunes it's accurate to within about 100 yards or so. It's never been wrong since I've been using it in March.

He's BS-ing you and blustering out of guilt, hoping that you will fall for the bluster and stop pestering him.


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## Brokenshadow (May 3, 2013)

Just as another point of view, but has he ever had an issue with drugs, prescription or otherwise? He may be keeping a secret, but perhaps it's not the one you're looking for. A rig would probably not have much in the way of narcotic pills, but plenty of IV narcotics. Abuse of such drugs is a big issue in healthcare. A few of us on this board have spouses that fell into such a trap.
_Posted via Mobile Device_

If that is a problem, he'd be very secretive, shameful, emotional. And if it was an iv drug he was abusing, he'd need privacy and alone time to dose. Just a thought. Good luck.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

No drugs here, I don't buy it. Disproportionate overreaction orchestrated to deflect the issue.
It's the classic counter attack, overwelm the betrayed to put them in the defensive, to make them rethink thier own discerniment, covering it in anger. Gaslighting at finest.
He was busted, he won't admit ever, he overacts, he's in full fake histrionics mode.


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## fooledtwice (Jul 6, 2013)

No drugs at all ever. Cheating is what I think is going on.
He keeps giving me the bs that the tracker is wrong yelling screaming etc.
It's not the first time the tracker has been so called wrong either. 
I can't get him to admit it beside catching him.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Some cheaters never admit it. Even when they are caught with their pants down. He sounds like one of those.


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