# WS indifference, blame shifting arguments, false accusations?



## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

I'll pitch the questions first, then fill in some back story for substance.

Any WS inject the POSOM in a heated arguement, then get mad at the BS because he was brought up?

Ever feel like your being guilt tripped by wayward to make her feel better for the circumstances of affair? (seperate from blame shifting, its like rambling encessantly about what I did or didn't do that lead to her affair...80% of which I was unaware, 80% of which are out of my control)

Ever feel like your wayward has NEVER shown remorse, guilt, concern over how their affair effects you? (it's in the past...get over it or leave me)

Ok, back story. My story is here in depth if you search. So, now were at an empasse.

Low on funds, living with relatives, I'm working to get her what she needs. So, I take about 10% of what I make to feed myself when I'm working, the rest goes to my account, which she has the card to...full acces, anytime, anywhere. (she' not "using" the money because she wants to be independent, but blames me because she has no money)

Last night, an arguement started. Bare with me. I asked her a question, she responded sarcastically...not like inside joke banter, but with discontent prude snarky sarcasm. I asked a follow up question, same response. So, I put the phone down. Few hours later I get a question, and I respond with EXACTLY what she said, i got a follow up question, and again repeated what she had said. Then I got the, "fine, if your just going to be an a** hole then f*** you".

I told her i sent her what she sent me, and if shes that upset, she needs to be more respectful to me. So, she goes off, and somehow her AP POSOM gets brought up. I told her i didnt want to talk about him, she kept going. Ok, 24 hours later, she's divorcing me (i get that threat every 3 days) because I cant stop bullying her about the affair. (hey psycho...you brought him up)

I told her; she brought him up, she threatened divorce, she cuesed at me, she....you get the picture.

I feel like I'm an athlete, she's the head coach. She lets me have it when the punter shows up drunk, or the line backer does something dumb. She'll just rant about things I either have no control over, or no knowledge of...and then spins herself into belief that I'M doing those specific things just to get back at her for the affair. 

Ok, final question. Divorce is immenent, but how much of an A** hat should I be. Please ask question if needed, there are tons of examples i didnt list.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

side note; Iv'e asked repeatedly for counseling. She "would call next week" to schedule a session...for about 7 months. When I got one scheduled, boy did she ever get busy. Seems like she has no intention or desire to sit in front of someone who might actually tell her; "why no dear, your husband had nothing to do with you having sexual relations with another man"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Biscuits said:


> side note; Iv'e asked repeatedly for counseling. She "would call next week" to schedule a session...for about 7 months. When I got one scheduled, boy did she ever get busy. Seems like she has no intention or desire to sit in front of someone who might actually tell her; "why no dear, your husband had nothing to do with you having sexual relations with another man"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let's hope you get a reasonable counselor and not one that will sit there and blame you for the affair, as my first one did (nothing she did was "really" new or unexpected and was all my fault as per our first counselor, bear in mine that the worst I have to own up to is lack of emotional support and validation of her feelings). Don't get me wrong, I have my part in the marriage unfolding, I think (I say this not as an excuse, but more in bewilderment as I found out that she has pretty much been involved since before we were married, so how could I have really known that I was doing something wrong when never truly given a chance from the start?)


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Dude...you have been dealing with this stuff for like a year. You have quite a few threads where you've gotten some pretty good advice. She seems unrepentent and always blames you for everything. You've been wanting MC for how long?? Where is YOUR breaking point?


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Every time she tells you about one of those things that 'led' to the affair, reminder her that she forgot to ask if you'd be okay with her sleeping with another man as a solution to that problem.. if she asked, you'd have said no and taken care of the issue at hand... but since you were unaware at the time of her intentions, you had no control over her choices. You'll accept that there were breakdowns in the relationship, and that you're not perfect and weren't perfect.. but the affair is and was the biggest problem in your relationship, more than anything that happened before it. If you want to stay together, you can't play games with each other and build up more resentments and anger. She needs to own her mistake, and you need to forgive it. If you choose D and not R, don't be an A**.. for yourself. You be the better person and pity her, try to help her, but don't hate or hurt her.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

This is what you end up with when you stay just for the kid.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

She KEEPS threatening a divorce? I know who sounds like a bully. Also, she wants to be independent?


> Ok, 24 hours later, she's divorcing me (i get that threat every 3 days) because I cant stop bullying her about the affair.


I'd go file and when she opened her trap again, hand her the papers and say "don't bother, it is already done."


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## Biscuits (Aug 2, 2012)

i tried for the kid. its just not working out. sex isnt a weapon, no matter how influencial it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> Dude...you have been dealing with this stuff for like a year. You have quite a few threads where you've gotten some pretty good advice. She seems unrepentent and always blames you for everything. You've been wanting MC for how long?? Where is YOUR breaking point?


Biscuits you are on a ferris wheel and have consistently signed up for another ride. When are you going to have enough?


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> When are you going to have enough?


The ride will never end til you say you wanna get the f-ck off. It's like a dude I saw in the ocean. He'd get his legs taken out from under him and he'd go under the water. He'd come up gasping for air. Every time he'd get his breath, another wave was on him. He kept trying to jump higher than the waves and sometimes it worked, but most times, he'd get his ass kicked again and again.

Finally, I couldn't take it any more and walked to the water's edge. I yelled to him, "Get the f-ck outta the ocean, man!" He looked at me like I had two heads. Walked towards shore and shook the cobwebs outta his head.

Then...he thanked me for saving his life.


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## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

Biscuits said:


> Ok, final question. Divorce is immenent, but how much of an A** hat should I be. Please ask question if needed, there are tons of examples i didnt list.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You don't be an a$$hat. You let your lawyer do that for you.

Do not deal directly with her and if she asks you any questions, just tell her to have her lawyer contact yours. Let your lawyer guide you and do exactly as they say.

Because anything you say can be used against you. Now it won't have any bearing on splitting the marital assets, but if custody is in question, anything you say or do can be used against you. But in reality it doesn't matter. You are the father. You already have 2 strikes against you with regards to custody.

So no need to be an a$$hat, just don't let her walk all over you during divorce. Document everything and be the one to file first under the grounds of adultery. Because if she is the one to file, even though it would be bulls***, she has to pick a reason and the reason would be "mental cruelty". Again, not that it will matter, its just a reason to file, but looks better for you if you can file first and tell the truth about why you are filing.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> The ride will never end til you say you wanna get the f-ck off. It's like a dude I saw in the ocean. He'd get his legs taken out from under him and he'd go under the water. He'd come up gasping for air. Every time he'd get his breath, another wave was on him. He kept trying to jump higher than the waves and sometimes it worked, but most times, he'd get his ass kicked again and again.
> 
> Finally, I couldn't take it any more and walked to the water's edge. I yelled to him, "Get the f-ck outta the ocean, man!" He looked at me like I had two heads. Walked towards shore and shook the cobwebs outta his head.
> 
> Then...he thanked me for saving his life.


:rofl: you gotta be kiddin'


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> :rofl: you gotta be kiddin'


LOL. He was drunk and it was Outer Banks.

He was also my nephew.


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