# What would you do...



## Neversummer (Sep 8, 2014)

Go back to valentines day this year. You go out to a nice dinner and a movie with your spouse come home and fall asleep in each other's arms on the couch watching tv. Around 4 am you hear one of the phones getting a text and reach over to the coffee table towards the light to silence the phone so it would stop giving reminder notifications. 

You can see from the home screen that it was an unprogrammed numbers saying "happy valentines day!!! Due to the special occasion do you think you send me a sexy pic  ?"


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## memyselfandi (Jan 10, 2012)

It could have been spam but I'd still ask him about it. If he gets antsy..I'd start watching his phone and his actions a bit more closely.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

Just looked at your other thread, is she liningup your replacement, and now picking fights trying to find a reason to seperate to try him out?

If you suspect someone else, do not confrotn yet, it makes it much harder if you confront too soon.

Consider starting a thread in CWI section if your gut is telling you something.

I wish you well.


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## Kylie84 (May 4, 2012)

Decorum said:


> Just looked at your other thread, is she liningup your replacement, and now picking fights trying to find a reason to seperate to try him out?
> 
> If you suspect someone else, do not confrotn yet, it makes it much harder if you confront too soon.
> 
> ...


:iagree:


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So she is back home now ... last I heard she went to her parents place because you wouldn't do stupid things like invest half your savings in a business idea that (a) didn't really have a good business plan; (b) was based on a hobby; and (c) seemed to be half concocted up/supported by her mother or something. 

So apart from trying out hobbies for the rest of her life at the expense of your wellbeing and financial health, she now has other [email protected] asking her for sexy pictures ?

As the others are saying, go into stealth mode, uncover what this is about and if there is anything there other than a wrong number, then hopefully this will give you the incentive to ditch this relationship before it becomes toxic to your health (because her other behaviour doesn't seem to be enough).


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

What would I do? 

I would wake up my wife right there and then and ask her to unlock her phone.

Then it would be going thru her phone.....


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

DoF said:


> What would I do?
> 
> I would wake up my wife right there and then and ask her to unlock her phone.
> 
> Then it would be going thru her phone.....


:iagree:

This 100%


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

I would have responded back on her behalf..

Happy valentines day! Considering that (wife's name) is married, could I just come over there and kick your ass instead?"


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Also read your other thread.

With all that's going on, I can't believe you haven't been in a serious snooping/detective mode towards her.

Did at least find where the text came from? Dig out (or look up online) old phone bills?


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

alphaomega said:


> I would have responded back on her behalf..
> 
> Happy valentines day! Considering that (wife's name) is married, could I just come over there and kick your ass instead?"


I would expect my wife to reply with something along the line.

You should have beef with your wife........not "other people". There will ALWAYS be other people hitting on her etc.......it's HER responsibility to not give them wrong impression/lead them on etc.

What you wrote above is highschoolish/immature. Think about it.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

DoF said:


> I would expect my wife to reply with something along the line.
> 
> You should have beef with your wife........not "other people". There will ALWAYS be other people hitting on her etc.......it's HER responsibility to not give them wrong impression/lead them on etc.
> 
> What you wrote above is highschoolish/immature. Think about it.


It's not high school or immature. it's deep tribal protective emotion and the meaning can't be confused.

That's the issue today. Everyone wants to be "mature" and politically correct and use words that I swear HR consultants sit around and make up just to sell a program.

Sometimes you need to roll a hard six when all those words just aren't working.

If I said that to you, your brain would immediately go to flight or fight mode, even though you may not realize it at a conscious level. Now you may not "take" the advise to "fu(k off now, or else", but you'd be sure clear on what would happen if you want to take the risk of continuing down that path your on.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

DoF said:


> I would expect my wife to reply with something along the line.
> 
> You should have beef with your wife........not "other people". There will ALWAYS be other people hitting on her etc.......it's HER responsibility to not give them wrong impression/lead them on etc.
> 
> What you wrote above is highschoolish/immature. Think about it.


Actually both. Beef with wife if she encouraged it or didn't shut it down. But still an asskicking for [email protected] who thinks its okay to hit on married women. Sure, there will always be scum who will hit on my wife - AND they ALL deserve an asskicking quite separately to dealing with the wife.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

alphaomega said:


> It's not high school or immature. it's deep tribal protective emotion and the meaning can't be confused.
> 
> That's the issue today. Everyone wants to be "mature" and politically correct and use words that I swear HR consultants sit around and make up just to sell a program.
> 
> ...


You don't know man do you. If you put a challenge in front of us, MOST will try THAT much harder. Your reply would've made that person go "ohh yea buddy, now I'm really in full force to **** her"

Your beef is with your wife.

First, how the hell did this guy get your #
Second, why is he sending you this text on Valentines
Third, I'm going thru your phone/emails etc cause clearly you are doing something wrong.

There will be THOUSANDS of man chasing your wife's tail, it's HER responsibility to not lead them on or allow THEM to dismantle her "cheating brick wall".

I cannot control what other man do (unless they cross a certain line).....but I do have high expectations of my wife!!!


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Reply back and say you want to meet somewhere. If the bait is taken. Meet this guy. Tell him to stay away. Then you have all the proof you need to confront your wife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SurpriseMyself (Nov 14, 2009)

Why did you wait so long to address this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

manfromlamancha said:


> Actually both. Beef with wife if she encouraged it or didn't shut it down. But still an asskicking for [email protected] who thinks its okay to hit on married women. Sure, there will always be scum who will hit on my wife - AND they ALL deserve an asskicking quite separately to dealing with the wife.


Yea, let's jeopardize your freedom cause of idiots.....that's smart.

Don't get me wrong, take me back 10-15 years and above would've been my approach as well.......and I would certainly feel that way as well, but one has to really think about the CORE of the issue.

Your beef is with wife, not MILLIONS of guys that would **** her if they had a chance. 

And to go to jail because your wife is having inappropriate contact/relationships with other man is just VERY smart I tell ya.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You are getting totally wrong, but well meaning, advice here. You should have posted this in the coping with infidelity section.

If a person suspects cheating, the last thing to do is approach the suspected cheater. That's because you have no proof, they will lie like a dog if they are cheating and will also deny cheating if they aren't.

Go get the phone bill for that month and find that phone number. Google that number, check facebook for that number, try spokeo.com. Have a friend call that number to see who it is. Most importantly is the number on there more than the one time? 

No matter what you find do not confront until you have checked this out completely and know for sure what is going on.

From your other thread I was beginning to wonder if she might be interested in someone else.

Check her phone for many calls/texts to one number, too. She may have met someone while selling her crafts.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

DoF said:


> Yea, let's jeopardize your freedom cause of idiots.....that's smart.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, take me back 10-15 years and above would've been my approach as well.......and I would certainly feel that way as well, but one has to really think about the CORE of the issue.
> 
> ...


I said they deserve an asskicking - not to go and do it! Do what is smart obviously. I think OP needs to verify (in stealth mode) what is going on. If it turns out that he finds proof of bad behaviour on his wife's part then he needs to deal with that as per the general advice on this forum. If it also turns out that [email protected] is predatory then that is a separate issue too (even if his wife did not encourage or respond). There comes a time when every man has to stand up for what's right and against what's wrong and to also protect his family. Now if it were me, there would be no evidence and no visible marks is all I can say.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW, check the bill to see if a picture was later sent.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> You are getting totally wrong, but well meaning, advice here. You should have posted this in the coping with infidelity section.
> 
> If a person suspects cheating, the last thing to do is approach the suspected cheater. That's because you have no proof, they will lie like a dog if they are cheating and will also deny cheating if they aren't.
> 
> ...


:iagree: Neversummer, pay attention to his post. Even though you're first reaction might be to confront your wife about the text, DON'T DO IT. Not yet anyway. First you investigate quietly. Find out what's going on. 

From reading your other post about your wife's delusional business dreams, I wondered about a possible boyfriend. Her lack of empathy toward you, not listening to you, and picking fights with you are typical of a cheating spouse.

I hate to say this and not sure if I should, but this could be the only time here where part of me hopes there is a boyfriend. At least it would give you the motivation to divorce your wife. From what you've described in the other thread, she really doesn't care about you and your concerns at all. It's all about her and her dreams, reality be damned. It's hard to imagine any reconciliation with her at this point. When one is unwilling to work on the marriage, it's doomed.

Anyway, dig for more evidence, but stay calm and cool. Have this thread moved to the Coping with Infidelity section. A moderator can do that. The experts there will guide you.


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## Neversummer (Sep 8, 2014)

From the other thread:


It was just a coworker crossing the line that lead to major problems. I wanted to see what other peoples reactions world be to see if other people would have been angry too. 
One of the drivers at work help us when they sold her grandmas house. They were pack rats and everything got palletend up and dumped in storage lockers. My wife's mom was trying to get ahold of him to see what he wanted from a restaurant for lunch. She tried calling him three or 4 times and he wouldn't pick up. She called her brother who was with him to get an order in. Her broth asked what he wanted and the order was complicated because he wanted extra items and none of others so he texted him her number and told him to call her. I was with my wife for that part so I know there was truth to that. 

The part that I was furious over was the fact that she lied to my face about getting the text and who it was from. She told me that it was some random number and that she had no idea who it was. After a while of arguing I believed her until, I got a phone call from that same number about two weeks later and I knew who it was then. So at that point I confronted her calmly about the situation to give her a chance to come clean. I asked her again filling in a little more details, she still played dumb. I asked her agin getting even more specific this time and she lied to me again. Then I finally spelled the whole thing out for her and told her that I knew she was lying to me. I accused her of doing in inappropriate things and asked her how much more there was to this. She sad nothing else happened, of corse I didn't believe her. We didn't talk for two days then she hands me a packet of all the detailed phone records and texts from the last four months. Turns out he did a mass text to everyone on his contact list, her mom, her dad and brother all got the same text and she showed me copies of theirs bills too. The messed up part and I kid you not is that her mom replied a pic of something I did not want to see. I guess she showed me that part as punishment. Her dad still does not know about this.

But I still have a problem with the fact that she lied to me about the whole thing. Because after he got my wife's phone number he started texting her every morning to see how bad his route was and how many stops he had. So there is no way that she could honestly say that she didn't know the number. Also he did this for 5 months and she never once said anything about him texting her. This made me even madder because when we first started dating and tried to keep it out of work for as long as possible he would always try to say how hot she was and how he would hit that. So I know he was interested in her. But he is not her type and I am not threaten by him. I was more aggravated about the fact that my wife tried to hide it.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Neversummer said:


> From the other thread:
> But I still have a problem with the fact that she lied to me about the whole thing. Because after he got my wife's phone number he started texting her every morning to see how bad his route was and how many stops he had. So there is no way that she could honestly say that she didn't know the number. Also he did this for 5 months and she never once said anything about him texting her. This made me even madder because when we first started dating and tried to keep it out of work for as long as possible he would always try to say how hot she was and how he would hit that. So I know he was interested in her. *But he is not her type and I am not threaten by him. *I was more aggravated about the fact that my wife tried to hide it.


Don't make the mistake so many other betrayed and befuddled spouses have made thinking that a possible affair partner "isn't your wife's type." When it comes to cheating, the possibilities are endless.....


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## ricky15100 (Oct 23, 2013)

How many red flags do you need?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Its a joke around here how shocked spouses are when they see what their loved one cheated with. There is no bottom to this pit. While theoretically, half the folks might affair down, around here it seems almost every cheater affairs down.

Now you say he was texting every day. Why do you think that's all there was to it. Plus, she lied about it all.

You need to do more research.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

What would i do?

I would read the top link of that crazy guy weightlifter's signature!

<<<<. Crazy guy Weightlifter

His signature
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

alphaomega said:


> I would have responded back on her behalf..
> 
> Happy valentines day! Considering that (wife's name) is married, could I just come over there and kick your ass instead?"


Given what the OP described about his spouse from the last thread, I guess I'd address this in a totally different way.

I'd wait until she fell asleep, take a sexy pic of her and send it to him with some kissy face emotes.

Hopefully, it will spur him to escalate the relationship with her so you can help her pack her crap and move on. This guy is doing you a great courtesy.

Then loverboy can deal with your self-centered, unemployed spouse instead of you having to deal with her.

Later, you can text him on your phone and wish him well in supporting your useless spouse.

I mean honestly, she's already committed financial infidelity...its not that surprising that she's committing sexual infidelity too. Do yourself a favor and encourage her exit out of your life.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

DoF said:


> Yea, let's jeopardize your freedom cause of idiots.....that's smart.
> 
> Don't get me wrong, take me back 10-15 years and above would've been my approach as well.......and I would certainly feel that way as well, but one has to really think about the CORE of the issue.
> 
> ...



Well, I see your point.

The reality? No one would likely go to jail. Unless your stupid enough to kick ass in public. What's he going to say? Particularly in front of the police while maybe his wife or girlfriend is standing there. Yeah! Police! The guy punched me in the face because I was texting his wife sexual comments!

Some things people will try to hide no matter what the stupidity of the situation.


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## CoralReef (Jul 1, 2014)

ebp123 said:


> Reply back and say you want to meet somewhere. If the bait is taken. Meet this guy. Tell him to stay away. Then you have all the proof you need to confront your wife.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is always a bad idea. This man could be crazy or violent or both and you have no clue how he will respond to you confronting him when he doesn't expect it. Just because he is a cheating jerk doesn't mean he is a coward and your anger doesn't mean you will have the upper-hand in a physical altercation. It is irresponsible to advise a BS to confront an unsuspecting AP.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If your wife were having an affair, her affair partner would likely know what time would be safe to call. If you are normally home in bed with your wife at 4:00am., I'd figure that was a wrong number, probably some horny, pathetic, drunk guy misdialing. He didn't mention your wife by name. You don't even know if it was a guy. Could have been a drunk, horny, pathetic woman trying to get a pic from some guy. Unless you have some other reason to suspect your wife of cheating, I might casually mention it to her but I certainly wouldn't do it accusingly. It's pretty weak evidence.


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## CoralReef (Jul 1, 2014)

Nikita2270 said:


> Given what the OP described about his spouse from the last thread, I guess I'd address this in a totally different way.
> 
> I'd wait until she fell asleep, take a sexy pic of her and send it to him with some kissy face emotes.
> 
> ...


This is bad advice that crosses many boundaries. Taking a sexual picture of a sleeping person can get you into a lot of legal trouble. Add sending it to a 3rd party and you're in even more legal crap.

This is also a violation of her basic rights as a human being. Even if she is cheating scum no one has a right to her body without her explicit permission...not even her BS.


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

CoralReef said:


> This is bad advice that crosses many boundaries. Taking a sexual picture of a sleeping person can get you into a lot of legal trouble. Add sending it to a 3rd party and you're in even more legal crap.
> 
> This is also a violation of her basic rights as a human being. Even if she is cheating scum no one has a right to her body without her explicit permission...not even her BS.


I was being facetious in response to the guy that suggested threatened physical assault on her affair partner.

Why bother getting mad at the guy...he should encourage her moving along. In the OP's other thread, this is a woman who quit her job without his permission and left her him holding the bag financially.

Frankly, this guy calling her is doing the OP a favor. I'd be glad he texted her...it would make my decision to get rid of her a whole lot easier.


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## CoralReef (Jul 1, 2014)

Cubby said:


> Don't make the mistake so many other betrayed and befuddled spouses have made thinking that a possible affair partner "isn't your wife's type." When it comes to cheating, the possibilities are endless.....


I agree with Cubby. I was shocked to read a poster the other day who said she was fine with her husband flirting with other women who she knew because she knew he could never fall in love with women like that:scratchhead:. 

Wasn't it poster GusPolinski who said his dad traded down with his AP and later begged for Gus's mom back to no avail?


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## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

CoralReef said:


> I agree with Cubby. I was shocked to read a poster the other day who said she was fine with her husband flirting with other women who she knew because she knew he could never fall in love with women like that:scratchhead:.
> 
> Wasn't it poster GusPolinski who said his dad traded down with his AP and later begged for Gus's mom back to no avail?


I think its pretty common for people to have affairs with people they'd never consider a long term relationship with.

Heck look at Bill Clinton and the women he had affairs with vs the one he chose to marry.


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