# To Tell or Not?



## toblkflys (Jun 28, 2013)

Hi, I posted here last week. I needed some help about confronting my partner with evidence of her infidelity. 

We have been together for 10 years. I confronted her the Friday before last and after much denial she finally admitted it. She claims the affair was an EA. I'm not convinced. The evidence I found was sexual in nature and maybe she was having an EA, but she was about to have a PA. The problem is, she works with this person. She goes to another town two days a week for work and that is where the other person is. There is so much to say...but my main question here is that this other person also has a partner and they have been together for a long time. I have their address and their home phone number. I want to call the other person's partner and tell them about the affair, I think they have a right to know. The other side of it is, let's face it, revenge. I want to destroy the other person's life like they have mine. Is it right to let the partner know or am I letting my vengefulness cloud my reasoning?
BTW - My partner leaves to go out of town tomorrow. I'm sure that she will see the other person.


----------



## Unaware (Jan 7, 2013)

Situation reversed, Would you want to know. 

I personally would. I say tell her.


----------



## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Expose them this afternoon then.

All the reasons listed are perfectly acceptable. Don't hesitate. And of course, don't warn your wife about it.

BTW, what are the chances your wife is stopping working isde by side with this OM? I'd never be capable of reconciling if wi wife had to interact with OM on a dayly basis. You might think things are not that bad because it was not a PA but trust me, she's more a risk of relink or go underground becasue of EA than if this were a NSA sex thing.
Do you already have a VAR in the car? Purchase it today.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

No it's not revenge it's bringing things to light. Life changing information. Also consider the risk of STDs. This gives the person power over their future.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Do it, no matter what your reasoning is. It's the right thing to do.


----------



## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

Before you blow it up get all the info you can to confirm is a PA.

Theres a 90% chance it is. If they're in close proximity and sexting, they're banging. You're almost certainly being trickle truthed.

she has a willing partner, the opportunity, an easy cover up, and a desire to do it. Those ingredients give you an affair.


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

I to are for exposing.But before you do that...Try to figure out
why you have aloud her to still be away for two day´s.
That need´s to stop ASAP. if you managed to catch it before a PA.
then the question is how long to a PA..Sorry for being harsh.

And right here is enough reason to expose


----------



## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

mablenc said:


> *No it's not revenge *it's bringing things to light. Life changing information. Also consider the risk of STDs. This gives the person power over their future.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You are right there.But personally i can live and not lose any sleep for the revenge part


----------



## whowouldhavethought (Jun 15, 2013)

toblkflys said:


> Hi, I posted here last week. I needed some help about confronting my partner with evidence of her infidelity.
> 
> We have been together for 10 years. I confronted her the Friday before last and after much denial she finally admitted it. She claims the affair was an EA. I'm not convinced. The evidence I found was sexual in nature and maybe she was having an EA, but she was about to have a PA. The problem is, she works with this person. She goes to another town two days a week for work and that is where the other person is. There is so much to say...but my main question here is that this other person also has a partner and they have been together for a long time. I have their address and their home phone number. I want to call the other person's partner and tell them about the affair, I think they have a right to know. The other side of it is, let's face it, revenge. I want to destroy the other person's life like they have mine. Is it right to let the partner know or am I letting my vengefulness cloud my reasoning?
> BTW - My partner leaves to go out of town tomorrow. I'm sure that she will see the other person.


Shut it down fast and hard by complaining to HR at the company.

WWHT


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

whowouldhavethought said:


> Shut it down fast and hard by complaining to HR at the company.
> 
> WWHT


I would talk to a lawyer first, if she gets fired he may have to pay her alimony.


----------



## Tiberius (Mar 22, 2012)

Absolutely, tell the OW now.That will spoil their hook up on these 2 days, plus she has a right to know.
However, make sure you have enough evidence for the OW to believe you as he is going to feed her bull...t and minimize it all. He could even say your WW was doing the chasing and he has done nothing wrong.


----------



## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

OP,

Ensure that you have all possible evidences collected and preserved.

You should do this before you confront.

Why dont you just get rid of her since she is cheating anyway?

Get tested for STD.

Take care
AU.


----------



## tlcnotathome (Jul 10, 2013)

I would definitely tell the other after I done the following. I would follow the two and get hard evidence before I brought it to the light with all involved. This way they cannot lie and get away with it and you will know the whole truth and not ever question yourself. Good Luck!


----------



## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

She is going out tomorrow? Hire a PI and get some evidence. 
They are meeting at another place for two days and sexting What else is needed it to became a PA? and why you think its only an EA?

She should quit her job and do a Polygraph and an STD test done. NC letter and full transparency

Exposure will be more effective if you can get some more evidence, for that you can use a VAR and GPS.


----------

