# Pinch Me...I Must Be Dreaming...



## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

I just have to share some good news and perhaps give some hope to some folks that might be in the same situation. Before I share the great news, a little "background" for anyone not completely familiar with my sordid background...

Several years ago my wife came to me to tell me she has completely lost her desire to have sex. She was post menopausal. I took it personally. I interpreted it as a message of "I am no longer attracted to you anymore.". As a result, I lost a lot of weight, packed on a lot of muscle, started running half marathons...to no avail. She still wasn't interested in sex. We were having sex at most once per month.

To compound the problem, I began attracting the attention of other women. Some were very overt about expressing their "interest" in me. I succumbed and got involved in some EAs...they never went PA, but they were affairs nonetheless and a betrayal to my wife. This culminated in D-Day on 12/19/14. I didn't deny them when she asked.

Anyway, she made the decision to stay and reconcile. Additionally, she sought out a BHRT clinic to see if there was anything out of whack with her hormones. Everything was low/zero///progesterone, estrogen, and testosterone...all pretty much nonexistent. So she begins a BHRT regimen beginning about 2 weeks or so ago.

Last week alone we had sex 3 times. This last Saturday I had to run to the local Lowes for some material for a project I'm working on. anyway, I walk into the kitchen to tell her that I'll be back shortly. I kiss her, hug, start feeling amorous...so we kiss some more, I begin feeling her up. she's grinning, I'm getting aroused...So I break away, shake the lust out of my head and tell her that I'll be back soon. This is where my jaw dropped...

She turns to me and says..."Oh, be that way! Get me all hot and bothered and then just run off, eh?" LOL!

I haven't heard her say something like that in years! And then today I come home for lunch and we have a little "nooner" over lunch!!!!

I have my gorgeous wife back! And...when we have sex, she is experiencing some pretty mind blowing orgasms again! Just like old times. 

Some of you may find this hard to believe, but in some, weirdly twisted way, the affairs I had may have actually brought the two of us closer together now and we are rediscovering how much we love and care for each other. I know it doesn't make much sense, but I don't know how else to describe it.

I'm going to close with this...

When I first wrote my story, I had more than one poster tell me that my wife just wasn't attracted to me anymore. I was told that I needed to become an "alpha". I was told I needed to follow the "Church of Athol Kay". I was told that if she didn't come around, then by following the MMSL philosophy my "next" partner will be more "forthcoming".

I immediately discounted all this regurgitated fodder because I don't think there is a "one size fits all" solution to all HD/LD relationships and also because I didn't need to get another partner (I have no problem attracting a woman whatsoever), and I certainly didn't need to get any more "alpha".

My wife was being truthful. She had lost her libido...period. We solved that problem and are doing well. She's working on her hormones, I am working on my personality disorder through group and individual therapy...and we're having some beautiful, intense, great sex again.

I was stupid for not believing her initially and straying. I'll never forgot what I've done to her, but I can work on us going forward...and that road looks very bright at the moment.

I guess what I'm saying is that if a partner tells you that they're not interested in sex anymore...they just might be telling you the truth and maybe go see a doctor first before jumping to conclusions like I did and then go do something stupid.

Take care everyone and thanks for reading. 

Namaste


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## Icey181 (Apr 16, 2015)

Sounds great.

I like hearing turn around stories.

Honest question, why did she never get tested before and why did you not think of it?


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## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

True, there are a whole lot of chemical and physical reasons for the birth and death of 'love' which we barely understand adequately!



MountainRunner said:


> I just have to share some good news and perhaps give some hope to some folks that might be in the same situation. Before I share the great news, a little "background" for anyone not completely familiar with my sordid background...
> 
> Several years ago my wife came to me to tell me she has completely lost her desire to have sex. She was post menopausal. I took it personally. I interpreted it as a message of "I am no longer attracted to you anymore.". As a result, I lost a lot of weight, packed on a lot of muscle, started running half marathons...to no avail. She still wasn't interested in sex. We were having sex at most once per month.
> 
> ...


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## totallywarped (Jan 26, 2013)

I hate to burst your bubble while this may be the hormones it's more likely something called hysterical bonding. Google it, it's usually temporary.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

This is great news and very encouraging .


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Checking hormone levels is always a good place to start, because in many cases these can be adjusted (if low) leading to restored libido. If the libido was never there to begin with, it's still worth checking, but chances are it's not hormonal.

Anyway, I'm happy to hear of your progress, OP!


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

MountainRunner said:


> Some of you may find this hard to believe, but in some, weirdly twisted way, the affairs I had may have actually brought the two of us closer together now and we are rediscovering how much we love and care for each other. I know it doesn't make much sense, but I don't know how else to describe it.


Nope, makes perfect sense. Great things can come out of our worst mistakes. The affairs served as a wake up call that something had gone horribly wrong and you two decided to use that as an opportunity to get to the root and repair the damage.




MountainRunner said:


> When I first wrote my story, I had more than one poster tell me that my wife just wasn't attracted to me anymore. I was told that I needed to become an "alpha". I was told I needed to follow the "Church of Athol Kay". I was told that if she didn't come around, then by following the MMSL philosophy my "next" partner will be more "forthcoming".
> 
> I immediately discounted all this regurgitated fodder because I don't think there is a "one size fits all" solution to all HD/LD relationships and also because I didn't need to get another partner (I have no problem attracting a woman whatsoever), and I certainly didn't need to get any more "alpha".



MMSL is over prescribed here, absolutely. It's very important to be reminded that "alpha-ing up" is hardly the answer to every single damn thing.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

MountainRunner said:


> ....Several years ago my wife came to me to tell me she has completely lost her desire to have sex. She was post menopausal. I took it personally. I interpreted it as a message of "I am no longer attracted to you anymore.". As a result, I lost a lot of weight, packed on a lot of muscle, started running half marathons... I succumbed and got involved in some EAs...
> 
> Anyway,* she made the decision to stay and reconcile.* Additionally, *she sought out a BHRT clinic *to see if there was anything out of whack with her hormones. Everything was low/zero///progesterone, estrogen, and testosterone...all pretty much nonexistent. So she begins a BHRT regimen beginning about 2 weeks or so ago.
> 
> ...


Thank you for sharing. I too feel that the the whole Athol Kay Alpha thing is way over-played. It has a role in some relationships, but I am not sure it is the kind of thing to build a really long term 40+ year relationship on.

My take-away from your story is that both you and your wife decided in different ways to work on changing yourself and the basis of your marriage. You should cherish your wife, not because of her renewed sexuality, but because of her decision to value your marriage and vows and because of her decision to seek help for herself.

You should also be praised for your doing a classic Get A Life (GAL) and then working with therapists on your personal issues.

May you and your wife have many happy years together as husband and wife.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> *You should cherish your wife, not because of her renewed sexuality, but because of her decision to value your marriage and vows and because of her decision to seek help for herself.*
> 
> You should also be praised for your doing a classic Get A Life (GAL) and then working with therapists on your personal issues.
> 
> May you and your wife have many happy years together as husband and wife.


Absolutely, and thank you. The return of her libido is simply "icing on the cake" so to speak. I tell her quite often about how thankful I am that she chose to remain with me. In return, I have been doing the "heavy lifting" by going to IC and group therapy for my issues. She lets me know that she sees me taking the steps necessary to get better.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Icey181 said:


> Sounds great.
> 
> I like hearing turn around stories.
> 
> Honest question, why did she never get tested before and why did you not think of it?


We actually spoke of her getting tested awhile ago. She went to go speak w/ her GP who said that she would prescribe synthetic hormones, but my wife was opposed to anything other than bioidentical for a number of reasons. After that, nothing much more was attempted until after D-Day.

This may sound terrible, but I'm almost of the opinion that the EAs I had last year may have inspired her to do something about her lack of a libido. It wasn't until after D-Day that she came to me and said "I don't like *NOT* feeling anything anymore. I really need to get on BHRT ASAP."

Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose. Yes, we probably should have gone sooner, but it is what it is. Thankfully, we still love each other and are willing to see this through...*together*.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

MR, I know she hasn't been on them super long, but she has any negative side effects such as weight gain, unwanted hair growth, etc.?


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

SecondTime'Round said:


> MR, I know she hasn't been on them super long, but she has any negative side effects such as weight gain, unwanted hair growth, etc.?


So far, so good. No symptoms of overdoing the testosterone. We're being very careful as she has been prone to rather severe acne (another possible side effect of test). I'll be posting updates as time goes by for those interested in BHRT, but as for us "couple wise"...we're both enjoying the ride so far.


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## flnative (Jul 16, 2011)

MountainRunner said:


> I just have to share some good news and perhaps give some hope to some folks that might be in the same situation. Before I share the great news, a little "background" for anyone not completely familiar with my sordid background...
> 
> 
> 
> ...



I guess they left out the part where Athol Kay says you can't MAP the medical. He says to rule out medical issues first. 

Happy you got things worked out.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

totallywarped said:


> I hate to burst your bubble while this may be the hormones it's more likely something called hysterical bonding. Google it, it's usually temporary.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*
Ka-Ching! I just love happy endings!
Congrats, MountainMan!*


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

totallywarped said:


> I hate to burst your bubble while this may be the hormones it's more likely something called hysterical bonding. Google it, it's usually temporary.


Nah....Things are still going strong. In fact, we're texting one another this morning and she tells me that Netflix has released the new season for "Orange Is The New Black" today. I text her back and say..."Howzabout a dinner date followed by a little television tonight darlin?"

To which her reply was..."With some "sausage" for dessert? *devilish grin*









Ummm....heh...don't have to twist my arm.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Hope it keeps up. No pun intended.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

MountainRunner said:


> Nah....Things are still going strong. In fact, we're texting one another this morning and she tells me that Netflix has released the new season for "Orange Is The New Black" today. I text her back and say..."Howzabout a dinner date followed by a little television tonight darlin?"
> 
> To which her reply was..."With some "sausage" for dessert? *devilish grin*
> 
> ...


Sausage innuendos are the wurst.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> Sausage innuendos are the wurst.


LOL! I know, but I ran with it anyway. *giggle*


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

OK OK...so we had dessert *before* dinner...So sue me.  *grin*

Hey...At least we worked up an appetite for dinner now. 

And I'll close with this...

If any of you folks are considering HRT...Do it. The change is absolutely incredible.


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