# I try to annoy my husband on purpose



## BO10 (May 9, 2012)

I feel like my husband always corrects me with everything I do, he doesnt do it in a nasty or agressive way but i feel like I cant do anything right.... I feel like I cant even make the simplest of decisions incase he doesnt agree with it... I now find myself disagreeing with him just for the sake of it to get square with him.... i feel that by me annoying him he is losing respect for me however i do this to show him that he is not always right.... I dont want to be like this anymore however I cant speak with him about it as he would somehow prove me wrong and make me feel like it was all my fault. I dont like to fight with him so I just dont bring it up but it is causing damage to our marriage.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

BO10 said:


> I feel like my husband always corrects me with everything I do, he doesnt do it in a nasty or agressive way but i feel like I cant do anything right.... I feel like I cant even make the simplest of decisions incase he doesnt agree with it... I now find myself disagreeing with him just for the sake of it to get square with him.... i feel that by me annoying him he is losing respect for me however i do this to show him that he is not always right.... I dont want to be like this anymore however I cant speak with him about it as he would somehow prove me wrong and make me feel like it was all my fault. I dont like to fight with him so I just dont bring it up but it is causing damage to our marriage.


As long as you can demonstrate that stuff gets done right, he needs to back off. Is the issue that he's controlling, or is there a reason for doing certain things a certain way?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

If he is not aware when you deliberately sabotage his idea of how he thinks it should be done, he will be losing respect for you, meanwhile you are both becoming resentful. Resentment pushes people away and will surely kill your bond and ultimately your marriage/relationship if you let it continue.

If there is something you want to do, and have decided to do, instead of doing it wrong to p!ss him off, just kindly tell him that its your project and he needs to leave the room and go do something else, that you don't want him there criticizing. Then do it the way YOU want. It should not matter to him if its right or wrong when you take ownership, let him own his own sh!t. If he keeps interjecting stand your ground, it may be tough especially at first but he will eventually learn its more trouble than its worth and once you have learned how to enforce this boundary the cause for resentment will have gone away.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

The fact that his hypercriticism has you walking on eggshells is not okay. That needs to be addressed.

Your passive aggressive sabotage of your own relationship is also not okay. It doesn't serve your needs and it doesn't fix anything. 

You need to learn better conflict resolutions skills. If you can't communicate with him about this, try communicating through a counselor.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You're being passive aggressive. It rarely works. 

Agree with the comments above, you need to see a professional about learning some better communication techniques. What do you mean, you "can't" speak with him about it? You can. You choose not to, as is your right, but I don't know that you will like the consequences.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

BO10 said:


> i feel that by me annoying him he is losing respect for me.


I'm sure you needed nearly every response to tell you what you already stated were the results. I think that should be indicative of the problem not being you at all. The way you chose to handle this situation with your husband is out of desperation. You feel you are fighting for your self respect and for some respect from your husband - much like fighting for your life in that your psyche refuses to accept being treated like you are a non-entity, less than an individual deserving of respect, recognition, and validation. A person incapable of making decisions on their own or doing anything right is not a person at all, and your ego denies/refutes/rejects that implication entirely. So, you fight against it but without being clever enough to fight effectively, you only make matters worse. 

What he's doing is called psychological abuse. The results are the fear, anxiety, and self doubt that you feel. What he's trying to do is exert power and control over you. The more you fight back and try to mirror his behavior, the worse he will become. But, there is also a catch 22 being that if you don't fight back and allow him to continue belittling you, the worse he will become still.

You have to be shrewd, knowledgeable (of what he is trying to do), and self confident. More than anything, you have to have self esteem and not continue to allow him to rob you of the person you know yourself to be. As long as you put up with it or continue to respond so childishly and ineffectively, the more you allow him to erode every bit of self confidence and self value that you have. Having self esteem means you set standards in your life and determine what you will and will not tolerate for the sake of love. Having self esteem means you decide that you love yourself more than you love him. As you can see by the example of circumstances just like yours (as stated by FrenchFry), there is no end to the battle and no way to rectify the situation. A person determined to dominate, control, and belittle you will never be corrected because his own ego/psyche rejects the notion that he is not bigger and better than you or that you deserve any respect from him. And there is where the problem lies. He does not see you as deserving of his respect, so he will forever do everything in his power to make sure you are incapable. To him, you have to be controlled and kept under his heels to prevent any possiblity that his own ego is forced down to earth and reality.

You cannot keep backing down to him. You have to remove yourself from the situation, or you will be fighting for your life for the rest of your days while he gets worse in his effort to keep you down, less than him, and miserable. Before this (this being your life or this marriage, whichever ends first) is over, you won't own one bit of the person you once thought you were. You won't know who you are anymore.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

BO10 said:


> I feel like my husband always corrects me with everything I do, he doesnt do it in a nasty or agressive way but i feel like I cant do anything right.... I feel like I cant even make the simplest of decisions incase he doesnt agree with it... I now find myself disagreeing with him just for the sake of it to get square with him.... i feel that by me annoying him he is losing respect for me however i do this to show him that he is not always right.... I dont want to be like this anymore however I cant speak with him about it as he would somehow prove me wrong and make me feel like it was all my fault. *I dont like to fight with him so I just dont bring it up but it is causing damage to our marriage*.


Not fighting with him is also causing damage to your marriage. 

It needn't be "fighting" anyway, it can be disagreeing in a more healthy and mature way.

You need to start finding your assertive voice again. For yourself most of all.


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