# The twins aren't mine



## anomfather (Aug 5, 2012)

Greetings, this is my first post and I apologize if it is too long.

A quick background:

I have two kids from a previous marriage that I still have a good relationship with.
Move forward to 2009. I was living in a foreign country and fell in love with one of the locals. She happened to be 30 years younger than me but I thought it was true love.

After 10 months of marriage my wife was preganant, with twins!

They were both born premature and I spent every day with them in the hospital until they were at full health. I grew very attachd to them. After 6 months my relationship with my wife detieorated to the point where we started living in a seperate houses. This was for a variety of reasons inlcuding different lifestyles and different beliefs on how to raise newborns.

On year after they were born I found out my wife had a boyfriend while we were married. I decided to do a paternity test on the twins and found out that 99.98% they are NOT mine.

I still would go to my wife's house a few times a week to spend time with the twins. When the twins were 18 months old my wife asked for a divorce. We are now just in the final stages of the divorce.

The questions is, what do I do next?

I still care for the twins greatly and do not want to lose them in my life. However, I no longer have paternal or legal claims to them as children, only the feeling in my heart.

I have not told anyone other than my real son and daughter that the twins are not mine and have told them to keep it a secret. 

Do I need tell everyone or is it ok if my children keep it a secret forever? I am quite ill and that is one reason I do not want to deal with the stress of telling anyone. However, is that unfair to my real children to have them keep a burden like that?

I don't see the point of telling all of my friends and family they are not my children when I feel that they are.

Please give any thoughts or suggestions? How should I handle this?

My son thinks I should be honest with everyone so he doesn't have to lie for me. Is that wrong of him or should he respect my wishes as a father.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

It probably sounds bad but I would want to get stuck with child support for the next 17-18 years. I love my nephew but I don't want to support him either.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Expose to everyone and end the relationship with the kids. They are young enough that they won't remember you and won't cause any lasting impact.

And what country is this? I think you got conned for the money.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

Being in these children's lives would only cause heartache for you. Does your ex know they are not your children? I would bow out of these kids life before they are old enough to remember you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anomfather (Aug 5, 2012)

Fvstringpicker said:


> It probably sounds bad but I would want to get stuck with child support for the next 17-18 years. I love my nephew but I don't want to support him either.


In the country where the twins were born I will not have to pay child support after the divorce. Thank-you for the post that is an important point to clarify. Furthermore, I have plent of money to support them for 18+ years in this country, but I doubt I will even live that long. (Its a third world asian country by the way) 

I know that she wasn't in the relationship for JUST money, because she could have taken much more from me than she did.


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## anomfather (Aug 5, 2012)

Sbrown said:


> Being in these children's lives would only cause heartache for you. Does your ex know they are not your children? I would bow out of these kids life before they are old enough to remember you.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm sure she has her suspicions but I have not shared the paternity results with her so I cannot say if she knows or not.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

So you have a claim to the children, especially if your name is on the birth certificate.

Divorce her but keep the children?


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## anomfather (Aug 5, 2012)

Cannot Full Custody was given to her in the divorce court. (because I am a foreigner)


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Oh that's easy - contact your embassy and file a protest.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

3rd world Asian country, not a chance in hell you'll get custody. (Well it's possible but then it's illegal and unethical but I'm pretty sure you know how things work down there since you've been there for a while).

What are you intentions? I saw you state that you no longer have legal or paternal claim to them but are you still considered their father on paper anywhere?

Will there be any legal issues later on after you're passed on where your ex-wife can make a claim on your estate using the twins? You need to think rationally right now instead of using your emotions.

You love those twins but you have 2 older children to think of also. Do you want them to go through some nasty international money grab over your estate?

You stated she could have gotten more if she wanted to right? Well she can get even more after you're gone using the twins if you're still shown to be the father.

If they will have zero claim to your estate or you've made out an iron clad will to protect yourself, your 2 olders kids and still provide for the twins then I say sit down with your wife and offer to pay her money on a monthly basis to help with their upbringing as long as you have visitation rights. 
BTW if she allows that, how are you gonna work this out? Are they gonna call you dad, grandpa, uncle, just a friend of the family, etc...????

Whatever you do, get a lawyer to set everything up so that there won't be some nasty, ugly battle between your 2 older kids and your ex-wife.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

anomfather said:


> I know that she wasn't in the relationship for JUST money, because she could have taken much more from me than she did.


Really?


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## Thewife (Sep 3, 2007)

I have lived in a similar country for a short period when my husband was posted and trust me I have seen and heard many such stories and I am pretty sure the $$ is the key to relationships between locals and the foreigners. You are really a nice man to care for the twins, if I were you I will deposit some money for the children to be able to use for a good education where to mother will not have access to. I am not sure about your ex but most people don't consider education an important asset and thats the best asset you can give them. Just my 2 cents


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

You have no legal rights over these children and I can see things getting pretty messy for you when she remarries. As cold as this might sound, the children are still very young and I would cut my losses, now, if I were you.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Some very good points have been brought up about what your ex can do when you pass on. She can sue on behalf of the twins and half of your estate. Your biological children will lose quite a bit. Do they really deserve this?

And your ex can have herself set up as executor of their inheritance, thus having control over the money that belongs to the twins.

As it is right now, you have no rights to these children. Even visitation is totally under your ex’s control. The children have a father who is responsible for them. You are not their father. I get your love for the children. My children are adopted. Blood lines do not matter. But you are putting your biological children at risk for children that you might not even be able to see if/when she remarries. 

It’s my believe that the truth is always the best way to go. Never as your children to lie for you. It’s ok to ask them to not tell anyone until you have cleared things up. But after that do not expect them to hold such a deep secret for you. 

Tell your ex that you have DNA proof that the children are not your children. Tell your older children that they no longer have to keep a secret. Then go on with your life.

If you love these children and want to set up a trust for them that will pay for their education or whatever you can afford. See the children as often as you like/can but be truthful to them that you are not their biological father.

What do you think it would do to the twins to go for years thinking that they are your biological children, only to be proven not to be at some point later in life. The truth usually does come out. So it’s better that the children grow up knowing the truth. 

The truth will set you free.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> Elegirl: And your ex can have herself set up as executor of their inheritance, thus having control over the money that belongs to the twins.
> 
> As it is right now, you have no rights to these children. Even visitation is totally under your ex’s control. The children have a father who is responsible for them. You are not their father. I get your love for the children. My children are adopted. Blood lines do not matter. But you are putting your biological children at risk for children that you might not even be able to see if/when she remarries.


OP, as Elegirl has said above, there are potential future legal ramifications if you don't bring this into the open.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

a GOOD father NEVER asks son or daughter to lie for him.


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## theroad (Feb 20, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Some very good points have been brought up about what your ex can do when you pass on. She can sue on behalf of the twins and half of your estate. Your biological children will lose quite a bit. Do they really deserve this?
> 
> And your ex can have herself set up as executor of their inheritance, thus having control over the money that belongs to the twins.
> 
> ...


So many legal problems.

You are crazy to allow the OM's OC to be connected to you in any matter. Let the WW and her OC take a t least half of your wealth when the time for your eternal dirt nap.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I didn't like any of your options for the poll but I do say you need to tell the truth to everyone involved. No secrets.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

I'm a sucker for babies too. Doesn't mean i want to be stuck raising kids that aren't mine. Kids won't even know you're gone. You like the kids but in time that will pass. You're just under daddy mode hormones right now.

Plus, do you really want these kids to share your inheritance with your real kids?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Honesty is the best policy and secrets all ways come back to haunt the ones you love long after your gone. Listin to your kid!


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

No secrets.

Your son is right.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Consult an attorney and set things up so that you can meet your needs but also protect involved parties, including yourself, and your biological children, as well as the others who are not (statistically not). The truth needs to be in writing as well as the paternity test documented, maybe even repeated. If it's not in the hands of an attorney, and you are deceased, that will make things very messy. If you feel called to provide for the twins and feel spiritually connected to them, that's sufficient reason to want to look out for them and to stay connected to them both now and later on when you're not here to do it in person.


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## anomfather (Aug 5, 2012)

theroad said:


> So many legal problems.
> 
> You are crazy to allow the OM's OC to be connected to you in any matter. Let the WW and her OC take a t least half of your wealth when the time for your eternal dirt nap.


Sorry i dont understand? OM OC and WW 
(Own Mother, Own Children, WW??) is that right


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## anomfather (Aug 5, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Consult an attorney and set things up so that you can meet your needs but also protect involved parties, including yourself, and your biological children, as well as the others who are not (statistically not). The truth needs to be in writing as well as the paternity test documented, maybe even repeated. If it's not in the hands of an attorney, and you are deceased, that will make things very messy. If you feel called to provide for the twins and feel spiritually connected to them, that's sufficient reason to want to look out for them and to stay connected to them both now and later on when you're not here to do it in person.


I think I have a irrevocable trust for my two real children but I will have to double check.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

OM= Other Man
OC= Own Children
WW= Wayward Wife


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

Empty Inside said:


> OM= Other Man
> OC= Own Children
> WW= Wayward Wife


OC is actually Other Child (as in OM's or OW's child with the WS)

WS = Wayward Spouse


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## anomfather (Aug 5, 2012)

One more thing. I applied and received for US passports for the boys. My trust is irrevocable for my older children so I see no reason to cancel their passports because they will be able to travel easier with these passports.

What does everyone think?


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

If you want the kids in your life go for it. Support them but you need to be honest with everyone about it as well. Family secerts only hurt people down the road.

Pull the band aid off in one big rip. Tell the ex and tell your kids it is ok to talk about it with the rest of the family

You should honor your sons request and just open up about it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

anomfather said:


> One more thing. I applied and received for US passports for the boys. My trust is irrevocable for my older children so I see no reason to cancel their passports because they will be able to travel easier with these passports.
> 
> What does everyone think?


The passports would not affect anything about inheretance. So that's not an issue.

Irrevocable trusts are a good way to handle the inheretance for you biological children. It leaves less that can be disputed. You could set up something similar for the twins. It sounds like they are lucky little tikes to have you in their lives.

You carry no shame for any of what has gone on. So be open and honest with everyone. The truth is a very strong thing. And the devil be dam anyone who wants to gossip or otherwise bad mouth you or the twins for something none of you had a hand in.

You sound like a very good man.


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