# Dominate Me.



## MN_Mommy (Jun 16, 2011)

I have been married to my husband for 5 incredible years. He is truly my best friend. I trust him with my life, and couldn't imagine my life without him in it. 
When we first started dating, we would regularly have sex 3 times a day. It was always exciting, and fulfilling. All over the house, in public places, and we promised each other that we would never give up on our sex life. Its a promise we have both kept. We still have sex almost every day. 
We share different kinks though. He is a bit vanilla when it comes to sex, and I like to take it a step or two further. This is something we compromised on a long time ago. I can't complain, because he is an amazing lover. 
For the most part, him and I have always been very open with each other on all accounts, well except this...

I have always had a yearning desire to be submissive to him. I want to please him in every single way possible. I am not just talking sexually either (but mostly in the bedroom). I have always wanted this, so it not something new...but I just thought I would eventually get over it. Its not a deal breaker for me, I don't NEED it, but I do really want it. 
Growing up, my parents had the traditional marriage. Dad worked, mom kept the home, and took care of the kids. She always made sure my dad was taken care of, and I admire her for that. My dad taught me very early on that women should always take care of themselves for their husbands. That I need to provide for him. It sounds sexist, I know, but its how I was brought up. 
The thing is, I really don't think my husband would EVER go for it. I'm afraid that if I even bring it up, he will feel obligated to do it, or I will be left unhappy...which totally isn't the case. Do I want it? Hell yes. Deal breaker? Absolutely not. 

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? Do I keep this to myself? Or take the chance and tell him? I love him so much, so I don't want to jeopardize us in anyway, but at the same time, I dont like keeping this from him.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Check out my blog. My husband and I have a truly kinky relationship that would look to outsiders as if I am submissive. Maybe you and him could read it together to discuss this type of lifestyle?

Here's a couple of the posts that might apply to your sitch (or that you might like your husband to read and understand):

I Married a Sex God: 9. Gotta Keep Me In Line

I Married a Sex God: 10. Hardcore Monogamy


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

If you trust him, and you should because he's your husband....tell him. If he doesn't know what makes you happy, he'll never be able to make you happy.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ask him to give you permission to do things for him. When he says ok, reward him by doing it, and rewards him sexually.

Soon he will warm to the program.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

I had a friend who had a brother. The brother got involved with a woman who was ultra conservative in every way. Both her and her husband were virgins when they got married and neither one knew jack sh!! about sex. She wore the pants in the family and he faithfully turned his paycheck over to her come payday. 

Somehow she found out that she would like to be submissive and talked it over with her hubby and it fell on deaf ears and that's where my buddies brother came into the picture. Somehow they started an affair and he was her master, her the slave but without the whips and chains, and he slowly introduced her to the kinky side of sex and he taught her oral which she never had or did and she gave him bj's and was taught not to stop until he told her to or he came in her mouth. He taught her anal which she knew nothing about and never in wildest dreams thought she would ever do. She became so submissive that he had to bring other guys in to dominate her. She was totally against any kind of interracial sex but she did what he told her to do and that little hang up she had went out the window. 

This went on for 11 years. My buddy found out about this when his brother passed away and he found a journal that he kept along with polaroids (This was back in the early 70's to early 80's and the screwy part of this is we both knew the woman and to this day I can't look the woman in the eye without thinking how someone who is so ass backwards could have a secret life and to this day her husband still doesn't know. She's either 68 or 69 yrs old now and how she kept the secret for so long I'll never know and yes I know her husband too. Nice guy but still ultra conservative


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

6301 said:


> I had a friend who had a brother. The brother got involved with a woman who was ultra conservative in every way. Both her and her husband were virgins when they got married and neither one knew jack sh!! about sex. She wore the pants in the family and he faithfully turned his paycheck over to her come payday.
> 
> Somehow she found out that she would like to be submissive and talked it over with her hubby and it fell on deaf ears and that's where my buddies brother came into the picture. Somehow they started an affair and he was her master, her the slave but without the whips and chains, and he slowly introduced her to the kinky side of sex and he taught her oral which she never had or did and she gave him bj's and was taught not to stop until he told her to or he came in her mouth. He taught her anal which she knew nothing about and never in wildest dreams thought she would ever do. She became so submissive that he had to bring other guys in to dominate her. She was totally against any kind of interracial sex but she did what he told her to do and that little hang up she had went out the window.
> 
> This went on for 11 years. My buddy found out about this when his brother passed away and he found a journal that he kept along with polaroids (This was back in the early 70's to early 80's and the screwy part of this is we both knew the woman and to this day I can't look the woman in the eye without thinking how someone who is so ass backwards could have a secret life and to this day her husband still doesn't know. She's either 68 or 69 yrs old now and how she kept the secret for so long I'll never know and yes I know her husband too. Nice guy but still ultra conservative


Wow I feel so awful for her husband, to have wasted his life with a worthless person like her who would betray him like that. The fact that you buddies brother never got what was coming to him is sad as well, I hate to see guys like him get away with such crimes.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

MN_Mommy said:


> The thing is, I really don't think my husband would EVER go for it. I'm afraid that if I even bring it up, he will feel obligated to do it, or I will be left unhappy...which totally isn't the case. Do I want it? Hell yes. Deal breaker? Absolutely not.
> 
> Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? Do I keep this to myself? Or take the chance and tell him? I love him so much, so I don't want to jeopardize us in anyway, but at the same time, I dont like keeping this from him.


*I say be honest and tell him.* 
I wish my wife would be more open and honest with me and her sexual feelings, and we've been married for nearly 28 years. Talking sex with her is a delicate process and my opportunities come few and far between to seriously discuss such matters.

I feel like I am always asking her if I can do anything different for her, or if she has any new or exciting ideas she would like to try. Then all I get from her is, "No, everything is fine", then it's back to the fairly vanilla routine we've been doing for the last 10 years. 
I've asked her if we could try this, that or the other, but she wrinkles her nose at me and says, "I don't think so." So I chalk it up to just being married for so long, she has her routine and is comfortable with it. 

Don't let that happen to you. Resentment, and frustration starts to set in and you end up here on TAM complaining to strangers. 

Your still relatively young and haven't been married that long. Open up to him and start with the more mild stuff first and see if you can build up to what you are looking for.

Good luck.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

He may be like me. I was raised to put women on a pedestal and take care of them as they were the weaker sex. I couldn't see myself being anything other than that guy who would never demand anything from her or tell her what to do per se. So the sex was tailored after that same thought process. It became all about what she wanted.

Many years later I learn volumes about how that was not as right as the 60s made you think. Don't get me wrong she is still treated very well but I have assumed the role of captain and she has been demoted to first officer. She is thrilled when I occasionally grab her and pin her down and do what I wish. 

She always thought she wanted to be in charge but found out she likes it far more when I display my raw physical power to man handle her (if you will). I was very reluctant at first to do this although I will admit that animal instinct has always been there. It lived in my fantasy world but I thought "you can't treat a woman like that!" 

Every guy is different so I don't know how well this would work for you but here goes. Since it sounds like he has that nice guy thing going on too; coupled with the fact that you have realized what you want. You now have to make him realize what you want. This will sound cold and calculating but give it a try.

Start an argument with him (since you are not really mad you can stop it if you feel you are not reaching your objective) make a few snippy comments and try to draw out some passion in him. 

( His internal drive is to find a solution and fix the problem. Use that to your advantage). 

Once you get his ire up a little (not to far now) say something along the lines of him not being the kind of man you want. At some point around here he is going to say "well what kind of man do you want?"

You say something like " I want a man that's not going to take my ****. One that's gonna put me in my place. See how I've been acting? I want you to not allow that in a strong way. If you follow this script, his "fix it" drive should pick up on the problem. If you do this well he will think he thought it up himself which makes it even more solid in his mind. 

Never let him know you played him like that. It is enough that you get the man you want out of it. Once you start down this path you can modify it here and there and tweak it to y'alls needs


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## marty39 (Mar 20, 2013)

I don't see why you shouldn't try step-by-step such 'treatment' in all life spheres to him, and see what 'signs' he will show?


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## eves (May 21, 2013)

I would like to make a relatively simple suggestion...

While having sex on your side (spooning) and your husband's arm is around your breasts or waste grab his arm and move his hand to your neck. Once their if he doesn't get the hint he should squeeze a little them make him do it. 

That's how it pretty much started with me and my wife years ago. That's not to say she is submissive. Rather that in our particular relationship she occasionally likes it rough.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

Been married 24 years. In separation i learned my W wanted to be submissive. She read 50 Shades and that brought it out of her. Now I am learning to be dominate in bedroom. I am like STONEWALL in my upbringing and I did put her on pedestal. I like to bite softly and pinch and did this on occasions before D day. Now I have learned to spank and pinch harder.
I find the training exciting and enjoying that I can excite my wife in other ways I did not know.
Reassure him it is not a deal breaker and you will not leave him if he does not like it. Coax him into trusting you and slowly introduce him to your desire.


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## MN_Mommy (Jun 16, 2011)

Wow, thank you all for responding. I really appreciate all the advice and suggestions. 

This isn't completely foreign to us. He takes the lead most of the time. However, I want him to take it a step or 20 further...lol

All of this is pre-50 Shades, I have always known this is what I wanted. The thought of being this for him, my lover, my best friend....HUGE turn on. 

Tomorrow night, I arranged a sitter for my boys. I bought a very sexy/intimidating (intimidating to me, not for him) "outfit" for him. I plan on taking charge tomorrow night for the first time. I want to show him how much I appreciate him, and love him. I want to show him how much he turns me on. I am going to rock his world. :smthumbup:

Maybe after tomorrow, and me coming out of my shell for him, he will feel more comfortable coming out of his shell. 

Is this a conversation I have face to face with him? I know some of you suggested subtle hints. Is this something I should slowly attempt? Do I lay it all out for him?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MN Mommy...How about breaking the ice by showing him my blog and talking about our sexual lifestyle, and then moving that discussion toward creating your OWN special sexual lifestyle?


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## MN_Mommy (Jun 16, 2011)

I am going to go start reading your blog right now, Faithful Wife, thank you. I will also share it with him as soon as I am done with it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Awesome! I will give you a little hint about the overall subject matter...I am under his control at all times, because I'm a horny sl*t that needs to be controlled. I act out sometimes and get punished. Tee hee!

This is the "game" that is behind our sexual lifestyle and I love it!


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## MN_Mommy (Jun 16, 2011)

When you say that you are under his control at all times, does that mean just sexually?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Well, yes and no. I "submit" to him the authority to tell me when I'm acting sl*tty, and I will get in line. I also let him tell me what I can and can't wear in public.

"Is this outfit too sexy for work honey?" before I walk out the door. If the answer is yes, I change my clothes.

So little things like this that are really just part of our sex life do bleed into our regular life.

But on day to day things....we are very much followers of the Policy of Joint Agreement. He doesn't have a dominating personality, or whatever. Our sexual lifestyle would be invisible to our friends and relatives...it doesn't show up in our regular lives to any degree they could detect.


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## MN_Mommy (Jun 16, 2011)

Ok, so I totally took the "chicken's way". I sent him a link to this thread. 
5 minutes later he called me...and I totally froze. HA! As soon as I answered, the first thing he said was "Oh my, what is WRONG with you?" (he was joking). Then........he laughed and kept saying "wow". I could tell by the tone of his voice, it wasn't a bad "wow"...so this is progress! 

I asked, "were you surprised?". "Nothing surprises me when it comes to you". :smthumbup:

OMG...I really didn't know how this was going to go.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

That is NOT the chicken's way...that is the PERFECT way!

I hope you both get to learn each other more and more due to your willingness to be BRAVE about getting your needs met.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

This is a tough one. I find that an overt Dom nature is either in you or its not. He might be willing/able to "play" at it but it won't be natural for him and thus won't feel right to you. I hope he discovers something in him that makes it real for you both. Good luck.


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## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

I never knew I had a dom nature in the bedroom. I always had my wife as a princess and treated her with delicate hands. Always soft and made sure she was pleased first. I was shocked to learn I actually enjoyed some of the stuff. I am still afraid of hurting her, but so far i have not done that.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Glad you got the point across without having to take my route. Please come back and let us know how it goes.


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## MN_Mommy (Jun 16, 2011)

We discussed this last night, and he said that he would work on it. Its going to be a slow process, but he is willing to try. 
Thats all I can ask for. If it works, GREAT. If not, then I will still love him. 

:smthumbup:BTW...last night...best ever! haha :smthumbup:


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## lapdog (Jul 12, 2013)

I don't know if you are talking mild or hardcore submissive, but how about suggesting a few relatively mild things in the heat of passion. Like some playful soft cuffs or a soft rope, or a little gentle soft whip. How could he refuse, if during the height of horniness, you rolled over on your stomach with buns slightly arched up, handed him a tantalizing little whip, and told him how much you would enjoy having your ass spanked. Many things are easier accepted during the heat of passion than during a cold turkey discussion.


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## noas55 (Jun 25, 2013)

lapdog said:


> I don't know if you are talking mild or hardcore submissive, but how about suggesting a few relatively mild things in the heat of passion. Like some playful soft cuffs or a soft rope, or a little gentle soft whip. How could he refuse, if during the height of horniness, you rolled over on your stomach with buns slightly arched up, handed him a tantalizing little whip, and told him how much you would enjoy having your ass spanked. Many things are easier accepted during the heat of passion than during a cold turkey discussion.


That is what my wife has done for me. Suggested how she wanted things as we were having sex. This is a woman who never has masturbated herself(religious beliefs), but she has taken my hand and guided it to satisfaction. This was just recently because she was curious. She likes it, but still does not believe she is allowed.

When she is wanting to be submissive she teaches me what she wants then lets me go it alone. So far no accidents but it does concern me. 
Your husband might learn the same way.
Good luck and have fun!


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

Since my divorce I learned a lot about myself. I am not strongly dominating by nature, probably due to the influence of my upbringing, so I sound like your H, but when I got into the idea of taking charge not just in the bedroom but taking more of a lead in the relationship overall, it began to feel more in line with my real masculine nature... and it feels good. And it's something I'm enjoying and still exploring and expanding. Of course it impacts all aspects of life and carries through into work relationships etc. too... its all about knowing what you want, pressing for it with strength and love and getting others to submit to that goal, for the enrichment of their lives also.


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