# What is wrong with me?



## Hollyjoe (May 20, 2011)

Just left an update and Facebook and noticed my husband was on chat at work, I found he is chatting at work quite a bit but I don't bring it up. I worry about him getting in trouble for it but there is not much I can do about it.
In my marriage I have had issues with spending. He has had issues with white lies like talking to an ex or chatting with women friends. He went out for lunch with a lady friend without telling me while our son was visiting. I know it was an old friend from work and yes men have male and female friends but its more the not telling me that bothers me.
There are many other ups and downs we have gone through, no cheating but its been a struggle.
He is a good man, works very hard, takes care of me and does love me. He has a need to have lots of friends and to chat and I don't. I have always been a person that has had a couple of good friends but not a huge bunch of friends.

I was always very very close with my little brother who was murdered in 1999, my mom who died of cancer in 1999 (went out of remission as soon as she found out Gregory had died) my grandmother died two years later and she was my second mom. She was in a home and I lied to her about mom and my brother being dead because she was losing her memory and couldn't put her though that heartache. My aunt had food and water withheld from her after she slipped in a coma, I can't get the image of it out of my head somedays. They never bothered to try to find my brothers killers although I know who did it. My mom died after I went to see my husband when we were engaged to a few days away because I had been taking care of her. I felt she choose to die when I left and insisted I leave. I just remember rushing home to an empty hospital bed, they had already taken her away by the time I got there. 
My husband saved my life, if he would not have been there for me I don't know what I would have done.
I had surgery this winter and because of other health issues it was very hard on me. My two best friends of years never called to see if I was alive or dead nor anyone else but my dad and once my older brother did.
I carry all this around with me and I feel like spending puts a band aid on the wound but its the wrong thing to do. Since my husband has been chatting on Facebook I find I spend more. I don't do it to punish him, I do it for the rush.
I am sorry I am pouring all of this out, I don't know who to talk to.
I might sound like a rambling nut but honestly I'm not, I'm just wounded.
Does anyone else has a spouse that chats all the time or over spends or had a hard time getting over lost family members?


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I am so sorry about your family situation. I also have a younger brother and I cant imagine losing him that way. I know how you feel about coming back to an empty hospital bed, though. I lost my dad when i was younger. It was a slow and painful death and I saw it all. Its been over ten years and i still struggle with some of it. 

I know you're having issues with your H but I really think what you need right now is someone that can be there for you completely. Relationships are complicated and as much as you need him, especially since he has been there for you before, he wont be able to help you completely. There's a lot you will have to do alone. Not because your H is a bad guy but because there are things he just doesn't understand. Although you do have marital problems I think you're going to need to do some personal, alone-time healing before trying to fix your marriage.

Have you tried therapy before? I find it to be very helpful because you have someone that is completely on your side and wants to help you. its a very safe place to talk about your needs and find ways of meeting those needs. It took me some years to find a counselor I liked but after you find them its very helpful.


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