# This is quite embarrassing



## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I have the evidence that my H has been doing the things I suspected he was doing.

Multiple accounts and I'm pretty sure he has an addiction issue with the amount of time he spends on these singles website.

Quite frankly I don't even think he deserves to see our son anymore. He spends more time on these websites than he does with his own son, it's disgusting.

I found his POF account. Checked it (wasn't hard to figure out the password, it's always the same for every account), and he's talking to MY SISTER. WTF. Of course he's under a different identity, and he's also talking to several other women as well.
I am done.

I need some advice on how to confront him. I want a separation. I don't even care that he has no where to go. I always said if it got to the point where I couldn't even stomach him anymore I want to get away from him. It is way past that point. It's like whenever he's in the same room as me I am LIVID. I'm afraid to reveal my sources. I know he will still deny it. 
what should I do guys?
I know I've come on here before venting and crap but It wasn't time. I have what i need, this is the breaking point. This is the moment we were all waiting for. I want him GONE. Help me make a logical confrontation please. I have no experience in this stuff.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

First of all start the paperwork for divorce. Once it is set in motion, then you confront him. Tell him you are done. There is nothing else you can do.

Also, you do not get to decide if he gets to see his son. The courts will decide that. Sorry you have to go through this. You have every right to be mad. The anger will go away eventually. Can I give you a hug?


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I'm not considering my options of custody or not allowing him to see his son. I just don't feel like he deserves to have that glory.
Obviously he doesn't have his priorites in the right order.
But truthfully, my son deserves to have a father in his life. I just hope he learns to step up and be a GOOD father.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

You have every reason to be angry and kick him to the curb and move on with your life. Document everything. Take screenshots of his accounts etc. Let your sister, and every other woman he's in contact with know what and who he is (after taking screen shots of course).

That said. DO NOT use your son as a tool to extract revenge. Not for your H's benefit, but your son's. Your son, regardless of how bad the man is as a husband, needs his father. All too often, the BS uses any tool they can to make the WS feel the pain that the BS feels. Including using children. Your actually going to make your son feel more pain than your STBXH.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> You have every reason to be angry and kick him to the curb and move on with your life. Document everything. Take screenshots of his accounts etc. Let your sister, and every other woman he's in contact with know what and who he is (after taking screen shots of course).
> 
> That said. DO NOT use your son as a tool to extract revenge. Not for your H's benefit, but your son's. Your son, regardless of how bad the man is as a husband, needs his father. All too often, the BS uses any tool they can to make the WS feel the pain that the BS feels. Including using children. Your actually going to make your son feel more pain than your STBXH.


Exactly what i was going to say. Document everything before you do anything.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

It's not just your husband you have to deal with but your sister too. How sick is that? You need to make sure that she becomes the family outcast. (I'm assuming she knew it was him)


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I promise I'm not going to try to keep his son from him. I'm just so pissed off I feel like he doesn't deserve to see him.
My son on the other hand- I know he deserves a father in his life.
Too bad he couldn't have both of his parents together while growing up.
It's a really bad day for me. My son is six months, rolled out of bed this morning and I'm worried he hurt himself. I want to take him to the doctor to make sure he's safe. My H is at work, online on his stupid accounts. This is the extremity of his addiction. He is online, while I'm at home worried sick to my stomach about my kid.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> It's not just your husband you have to deal with but your sister too. How sick is that? You need to make sure that she becomes the family outcast.


She doesn't kno it's him. He used a different identity.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

sick. said:


> She doesn't kno it's him. He used a different identity.


Sorry about that, But I'll bet you didn't know this side of your sister. (just sayin', I don't want to make trouble)


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

step 1) see a lawyer, give retainer, have him served
step 2) with lawyer's permission, separate finances and take your half out of shared accounts and into your own new account, cancel any shared credit cards, etc
step 3) pack his things, note that he legally has the right to stay but he may not know this


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

The Middleman said:


> Sorry about that, But I'll bet you didn't know this side of your sister. (just sayin', I don't want to make trouble)


so what if her sister is on a dating site flirting with what she thinks is a single man? as if that is an immoral thing


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> Sorry about that, But I'll bet you didn't know this side of your sister. (just sayin', I don't want to make trouble)


She's 24 and single. I knew she was on POF, she's told me lots of times. 
In her profile pic, it's her.... holding my son.
This is insane.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

Almostrecovered said:


> step 1) see a lawyer, give retainer, have him served
> step 2) with lawyer's permission, separate finances and take your half out of shared accounts and into your own new account, cancel any shared credit cards, etc
> step 3) pack his things, note that he legally has the right to stay but he may not know this


He will have to buy all things for baby. I'm a stay at home mom- going to college & I have no income.
We're 21 years old. The plan was- my father was letting our family stay with him until I get a job and we have enough cash for our own place. My dad doesn't even know this is happening. I don't know how to tell him either. It's so embarrassing.
Actually, my first day of the semester is today. I am having a panic attack with everything going on.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Print out all his dating site ads and tell him "Come here, Sweetie" and show them to him.

Talking to your sister? "WTF," indeed.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

then have your dad kick him out, he will have no rights to stay there


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

yes I would talk to your dad first. Tell him that YOU will handle this. After you are done exposing then have him removed from the premises. Also no he deserves to have the opportunity to be with his son. Even messed up dads are still dad's. I hope all goes well for you. Make sure you print out everything. All of the ADs, especially the ones with you sister. You need to tell you sister what's going on as well. Just make sure you don't expose until there is a point of no return. Ie he is on the way home and your sister can't call him and tell him what a jerk he is so he can get around having to face what he has done.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I think I'm going to continue gathering evidence as I've only gotten a couple days worth. Then I'll print it out so he can't deny it or delete it. 
In the meantime I need to come up with a good method of confrontation. I need to make sure I'm strong enough to go through with this and not cave in to his manipulation. I know he's going to try as hard as he can to stay here.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

sick. said:


> I think I'm going to continue gathering evidence as I've only gotten a couple days worth. Then I'll print it out so he can't deny it or delete it.
> In the meantime I need to come up with a good method of confrontation. I need to make sure I'm strong enough to go through with this and not cave in to his manipulation. I know he's going to try as hard as he can to stay here.


Already told you what the best way to conront this is: with evidence.

Print out the dating ads and what you've found and say "I found this. We are married. Thi sis not ok. I deserve better." 

Then listen to him. He will tell you i twas a joke, he never met anyone online, that it wasn't serious, he was just wasting time. He will very likely NOT admit to it being serious (they never do). 

But.. you do deserve better. And honey, at 21 yeas old, I'd dump this dud STAT. That is no way to start a marriage. I know. I caught my exH out on dating sites posting ads looking for sex on POF after just one measley year of being married. On Valentine's Day. You shoulda seen his face when I showed him the dating ads. I left him on his bedside and sat there waiting for him to come to me. "It was just a joke, Jelly." Suuure.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

We've only been married since last August. Not long at all. I'm positive he was doing this the whole relationship. 
Printing the crap and leaving it somewhere for him to find it would be a good idea. Maybe that's what I'll do... I can't wait to see his face. All the lies I've been fed. I'm not wasting my time with this loser. He'd be crazy to expect me to stay. He has been lying to me so much. It's funny 'cause he's one of those people who expect the truth out of everyone. He is the definition of a hypocrite. I am running on so much adrenaline right now. So glad I have you guys to support me and help me. I'm not backin down any more.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

It seems many of us have not had their coffee this morning or their afternoon tea....

THE SISTER HAS NO IDEA THAT SHE IS FLIRTING WITH HER BROTHER IN LAW!!!! Move on from the hot drama...you read it wrong!

...

Sick,

MELLOW OUT! You are on a long road and if you start freaking out now you are going to give yourself a stroke and too many wrinkles. Wrinkly 20-somethings are not an attractive picture! 

The first thing you do with no exceptions whatsoever, secure your evidence.

Under the assumption you do want him out of the house, this is going to be a simple procedure if you can KEEP CALM!

After securing your evidence, you bring him to the computer, make it clear you know what he has been doing. Make it VERY clear you know he has been flirting with your sister.

You tell him he has 1/2 hour to get the **** out of your house or you will tell your father how he has been misleading your sister and betraying you. I will bet you that he is out of that house in 15 minutes.

After he is gone, the hard part starts...clearing your head and sorting your feelings. We can help you with that. There are lots of shoulders here and quite a few hugs. So go do what you need to do, FOCUS on your studies and child and start putting one foot in front of the other. It will be okay in the end. I promise.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't leave the ad somewhee for him to find. Hand it to him.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

What are you even confronting him about? You're DONE. Just serve him with divorce papers and don't look back. If you really think he deserves to know why, have your lawyer tell his lawyer.

Confrontation implies a two way conversation. He doesn't deserve that.


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## sick. (Jul 18, 2012)

I cried over my morning coffee today. My head is such a mess. 
I am planning within the week, to get him out of here and confront him. The problem used to be that I would spill that I knew he was up to something right before I could prove that it was true- he always had a way of denying it and making up excuses to call proof.
Today is NOT the day for this. I don't think I can handle his constant text messages and constant pathetic excuses on my first day back at school. But I will take the advice you guys have given me and will print out the messages. 
I can't get into his other accounts because I couldn't figure out the password\emails. But it's the same picture as POF and everything. 

He keeps saying lately that he feels like our 'marriage is on the rocks'. He gets disappointed with my lack of concern. He's been cutting himself down a lot more lately too and I have a feeling he's starting to feel bad- He keeps saying he feels really sick, etc. Please H, Don't tell me YOU feel sick. I'm in survival mode forcing myself to eat just to maintain my weight and I'm already 'underweight' as it is. This is seriously taking a toll on me. 
It feels so good to vent on here. I don't feel as alone as I would with out you guys here.
I know when I tell my family they will be there for me. But I have absolutely no friends. And telling my family feels like it's going to be really embarrassing. 

It's a real shame that my little one never even had a chance to see his parents together.
I will never trust him again though. 
I'm tired of the lies and betrayal.
I know he isn't going to see the big problem in what he's doing as it isn't physical. He thinks it's NO big deal at all... Like it's normal.
I haven't even TALKED to ANYONE since we've been together (that's because he made me ditch all my friends just to make him happy) What the hell was I ever thinking staying with this loser? I remember after the third week I started intentionally pushing him away, hoping he wouldn't want me anymore by the things I was doing and the way I was acting. I didn't have the balls back then to leave him because he was so manipulative. 

Oh, and to inform you guys that were following my threads in the past- Regarding "scabs from oral", I just got my STD test in the mail today. Turns out it wasn't an STD, he was just jacking off too much.
Great, so I married a pervert. And had his kid.


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## Falene (Dec 31, 2011)

I am 45. I have four children, two are grown. The other two are 5 and 7.

My first husband was a mean sob. He also cheated on me but I didn't find out until we were already divorced.

My second husband is so passive it is aggressive unless you are talking about his booze or his porn and then he is a mighty warrior. He cheated on me with his best friend's fiance. 

Both of my parents are dead. 

I have no siblings to turn to as I am the "mama" of my family. I don't ever need help, I give it if you know what I mean.

My only true friend has lupus and hasn't been well these last few months. No way I am unloading on her.

Be glad you are young and you have your family's support. You have your whole life ahead of you and so do I.

You have known for quite some time your husband is worthless. I have known the same about mine. While we did not deserve what we got, how does knowing that help us in any way? 

How about we move forward with our lives and not keep crying over what we cannot impact and what we cannot change. We need to take positive action. We do not need to cry over this.

Nothing is more important than your child and your studies. NOTHING. You will be okay.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

sick. said:


> Oh, and to inform you guys that were following my threads in the past- Regarding "scabs from oral", I just got my STD test in the mail today. Turns out it wasn't an STD, he was just jacking off too much.
> Great, so I married a pervert. And had his kid.


Actually, a clean STD panel from your tests only means that YOU weren't infected with an STD at the time the tests were run. It doesn't indicate a darn thing about your husband's health status.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

u have nothing to be ashamed of. This is not your fault, not in any way. Please try not to be embarrassed, just call your family and start talking. It might seem hard at first, but it will feel so much better when you do. And your friends, the ones ******* got you to ditch, well they are probably still your friends, and I bet they would be happy to hear from you again too. Stay strong, don't believe a single word that comes out of his mouth.


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