# Sexually suggestive photo?



## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Hi everyone.
I have been married for 25 years. My husband was responsible at his work for going around and taking photos of employees at a corporate party.
There's one co-worker in general who was somewhat young, single, without children. My husband took 4 photos with her (sitting next to her and hugging her). Those 4 photos he hid from me and our son when he came home to show me his work/photos he'd taken. Like he'd taken 200+ photos and on next day, I wanted to see photos again and my hand jerked when I was clicking on folder with photos and by accident, I had opened another folder with 4 photos where my husband was sitting, hugging his co-worker. ...
I had asked him "why you did not show us those photos?" His reply was : "How did you find those photos?".... the fact that he hid those photos speaks volume to me.
Then I had found their text exchange at work and I also found it sexually suggestive between her and my husband.
The text was as follows :
Her : "What did you eat for breakfast today?"
My husband : "Looking at my white board"
Her : "Do you want to come to my office and look at MY white board LOL"?
My husband : "I'll stop by in a few"
Her : "Do you remember when you told me I was the best?"
My husband : "Yes, I remember"
etc....
While reading their text exchange to me it had sexual context. Until yesterday I came across this photo!!!
WHY would a co-worker pose with sucking on her finger (she was a manager) and my husband was a manager and they were like "best buddies". I had my suspicion of his infidelity, but the more I dig, the more crap I find... According to my husband she was fired in 2018. Reason - unknown. But my husband was still friends with her on facebook and friends had her phone number in his phone! WHY would he keep her phone number in his phone for 2 years after she had been fired????
My husband treats me now super nice etc... but I can't be at ease... my gut feeling is eating me alive. I also found that an elementary school in another state made a phone call to my husband's phone! I suspected him having an affair with her in 2015. If she got pregnant and has my husband's child, it would make his "love" child to be exactly 5-6 years old an Elementary School age... I know I can't call to school and ask them "why are you calling my husband" and the child probably isn't even registered on my husband's name... I don't know how to find out... I don't trust my husband.
Here's a photo of that co-worker (ex manager) this photo is hanging at their hallway at the company... I find it to be sexually suggestive. What do you guys think of this photo?
Thanks.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If you can afford it it may help to hire a private investiger to look into all this. Also put a VAR in his car to see if/when he is talking to her or another woman. The call from a school is odd, is that where she lives now? Does he ever travel away from home for work?


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> If you can afford it it may help to hire a private investiger to look into all this. Also put a VAR in his car to see if/when he is talking to her or another woman. The call from a school is odd, is that where she lives now? Does he ever travel away from home for work?


She was "fired" 3 years ago (according to my husband). She no longer works for the company. The private investigator would not be able to find anything because she's no longer with the company. I do not know where she lives now. She lived in California and would come to company's "get together" the company had 2 offices in two states. He may travel.... I've noticed that he had taken some days off (vacations) without being on vacation. I've noticed his Paycore app showed his vacation days taken but he was "leaving for work" as usual. The elementary school is located in another state (4 hours drive from our state) him traveling back and forth, would give him plenty of time to go visit the mistress and the kid. No elementary school is calling me.... and never has.... so him getting a phone call from an elementary school is very odd! I had asked him "why is elementary school is calling you?" He picked up his phone and called them back and asked them on speaker phone "why are you calling me?" They replied : "we don't know why we are calling you".....


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

That picture 'splays' it all.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

You already know the answers to most of your questions.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

anna2020 said:


> She was "fired" 3 years ago (according to my husband). She no longer works for the company. The private investigator would not be able to find anything because she's no longer with the company. I do not know where she lives now. She lived in California and would come to company's "get together" the company had 2 offices in two states. He may travel.... I've noticed that he had taken some days off (vacations) without being on vacation. I've noticed his Paycore app showed his vacation days taken but he was "leaving for work" as usual. The elementary school is located in another state (4 hours drive from our state) him traveling back and forth, would give him plenty of time to go visit the mistress and the kid. No elementary school is calling me.... and never has.... so him getting a phone call from an elementary school is very odd! I had asked him "why is elementary school is calling you?" He picked up his phone and called them back and asked them on speaker phone "why are you calling me?" They replied : "we don't know why we are calling you".....


The PI will be able to find these things out. As will a VAR if you put one in his car.


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> The PI will be able to find these things out. As will a VAR if you put one in his car.


What is a "VAR"?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

anna2020 said:


> What is a "VAR"?


Voice activated recorder. You put it under the passenger seat and it will record any conversations he has. I think that would be very revealing.


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Voice activated recorder. You put it under the passenger seat and it will record any conversations he has. I think that would be very revealing.


Ah yeah I do have it. Thanks. How long do you think I should use it for? I've used it for 2 days but nothing was revealed to me when I listened.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

anna2020 said:


> Ah yeah I do have it. Thanks. How long do you think I should use it for? I've used it for 2 days but nothing was revealed to me when I listened.


As long as it takes. At least a few weeks. Also a tracker on the car, especially on the days he days he is at work but isn't. You will be able to see where he goes.


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## GooGooCluster (Mar 17, 2021)

I would start digging into finances. If he has a child with another woman and he’s getting calls from the child’s school there will be a money trail.


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

GooGooCluster said:


> I would start digging into finances. If he has a child with another woman and he’s getting calls from the child’s school there will be a money trail.


yes and we did "start" having a money issue for years now. He prints out for me all the expenses and statements yet I don't understand many things. I ask him "what is this? I don't understand it" he says : "I know that you don't understand" and that's the end of it


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> As long as it takes. At least a few weeks. Also a tracker on the car, especially on the days he days he is at work but isn't. You will be able to see where he goes.


The car is Tesla. With Tesla app you can see where the car is located at in real time. No need for tracker. He could get uber to go to another state and park his car at work. That's also an option. Will cost him but probably has to pay the price to hide his whearabouts.


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## theloveofmylife (Jan 5, 2021)

If she has a husband or boyfriend, send him the pictures/texts. That should cool things right off. Your husband will be ticked off at you, but that's just too bad for him.


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## GooGooCluster (Mar 17, 2021)

anna2020 said:


> yes and we did "start" having a money issue for years now. He prints out for me all the expenses and statements yet I don't understand many things. I ask him "what is this? I don't understand it" he says : "I know that you don't understand" and that's the end of it


Are you financially literate? I am not trying to be insulting and I hope you aren’t offended, but many people are. If you can’t understand things with the statements take them with you to the bank and let them help you understand. If something isn’t adding up to you listen to that gut feeling you have.
The other huge possibility is that he has a separate account. If you know his salary make sure that every dime of his checks are going into your account. He’s hiding something if he’s not explaining things to you. I’m really sorry. Don’t let him make you feel dumb with the “I know you don’t understand” bs. What an ass.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

anna2020 said:


> The car is Tesla. With Tesla app you can see where the car is located at in real time. No need for tracker. He could get uber to go to another state and park his car at work. That's also an option. Will cost him but probably has to pay the price to hide his whearabouts.


So have you checked it to see where he has been when he has a days vacation but says he is working?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

anna2020 said:


> Hi everyone.
> I have been married for 25 years. My husband was responsible at his work for going around and taking photos of employees at a corporate party.
> There's one co-worker in general who was somewhat young, single, without children. My husband took 4 photos with her (sitting next to her and hugging her). Those 4 photos he hid from me and our son when he came home to show me his work/photos he'd taken. Like he'd taken 200+ photos and on next day, I wanted to see photos again and my hand jerked when I was clicking on folder with photos and by accident, I had opened another folder with 4 photos where my husband was sitting, hugging his co-worker. ...
> I had asked him "why you did not show us those photos?" His reply was : "How did you find those photos?".... the fact that he hid those photos speaks volume to me.
> ...


I think they are already physically cheating or so close to it that it doesn't really make a difference especially with the texts.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

theloveofmylife said:


> If she has a husband or boyfriend, send him the pictures/texts. That should cool things right off. Your husband will be ticked off at you, but that's just too bad for him.


Hmm.. yes, I do believe I like you.😉


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

@anna2020 I just looked at the discussions you previously started, and I see that others have already recommended that you find a family lawyer. I don't think you need to wait any longer. Find yourself a good family lawyer ASAP! It sounds like your H makes a lot of money and is squandering this money on his love affairs while financially abusing you. Don't take this any minute longer. He has a high income and you don't; he is making you pay for your stuff while he doesn't pay the utility bills. What else do you need to file for divorce? I mean from what you have been noticing, it is SO obvious he has been cheating on you for a long time. He has been uncovered just recently when he started to work from home. You should not delay. 
Also, like others suggested, send the photos and texts to the other woman's boyfriend or husband.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

1. As @SunCMars said, the photo really does explain it all.

2. IF/WHEN the student is/was registered for school:

When the parent provides guardian information into the SIS (Student Information System) that includes phone number for contact information, only one guardian needs to provide this information for whomever they list as guardian(s). Depending on the district or state requirements, this may or may not be verified... it can be pretty loose these days.

When a district uses a parent notification/communication tool, it pulls data from the SIS. It may be only the first contact phone number that is used in the guardian account, or all.

An individual school is listed by the district parent notification/communication caller by a referencing number, but the calls really come from the vendor dialer system of the parent notification/communication tool. A school may or may not really know why a number is called until they research it and see which student/guardian that number is attached to.

Numbers can be put in the SIS erroneously, happens all the time and especially if there are multiples levels in the district adding information into the SIS.

3. That said, while privacy acts will not give you much information without a court order, it is easy to ask for a number to be removed from the parent notification/communication tool without much effort, just call the district of the school that is calling and ask.

4. This does not solve your primary problem, just some information about the phone calls from a school.

5. Time for a family financial audit... I'm sure there are family lawyers who know such accountants.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Well, being female, that photo doesn't look sexually suggestive to me - it looks stupid. OMG, can't she do something about that mess on her head? She looks like a child sucking on her finger. If that is what your husband finds attractive, divorce the idiot pronto.


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

GooGooCluster said:


> Are you financially literate? I am not trying to be insulting and I hope you aren’t offended, but many people are. If you can’t understand things with the statements take them with you to the bank and let them help you understand. If something isn’t adding up to you listen to that gut feeling you have.
> The other huge possibility is that he has a separate account. If you know his salary make sure that every dime of his checks are going into your account. He’s hiding something if he’s not explaining things to you. I’m really sorry. Don’t let him make you feel dumb with the “I know you don’t understand” bs. What an ass.


I am not offended at all. I understand your point. The thing is... he'd print out statements where the money is going.../spent and he's like have a line of my personal gym membership TWICE. I pay for that gym myself and I had asked him "why are you printing twice my gym membership if I am paying for it myself?" His reply was "an app is doing that. I can't fix it"....I don't know where the truth anymore and where he's lying


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

coquille said:


> @anna2020 I just looked at the discussions you previously started, and I see that others have already recommended that you find a family lawyer. I don't think you need to wait any longer. Find yourself a good family lawyer ASAP! It sounds like your H makes a lot of money and is squandering this money on his love affairs while financially abusing you. Don't take this any minute longer. He has a high income and you don't; he is making you pay for your stuff while he doesn't pay the utility bills. What else do you need to file for divorce? I mean from what you have been noticing, it is SO obvious he has been cheating on you for a long time. He has been uncovered just recently when he started to work from home. You should not delay.
> Also, like others suggested, send the photos and texts to the other woman's boyfriend or husband.


Thank you. YES, it's "obvious" but that's my assumption! In court you need FACTS and not "I think...... I guess" etc.. I've already talked to a lawyer who's waiting for me to sign the contract (let the money pour in). First I need to find myself a stable job that I can have some financial security, second I probably need to hire a forensic accountant who has the power of attorney to dig and see all his money/transactions/accounts. I don't trust a word he says anymore. Recently found out that by "accident" he took a loan for $2000 for a day... how in the world someone takes a loan by "accident"?? He told me about some financial crap, to me it's as if someone was talking to me on foreign language..... THANK YOU for your advice! I am moving forward slowly but surely.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

anna2020 said:


> Hi everyone.
> I have been married for 25 years. My husband was responsible at his work for going around and taking photos of employees at a corporate party.
> There's one co-worker in general who was somewhat young, single, without children. My husband took 4 photos with her (sitting next to her and hugging her). Those 4 photos he hid from me and our son when he came home to show me his work/photos he'd taken. Like he'd taken 200+ photos and on next day, I wanted to see photos again and my hand jerked when I was clicking on folder with photos and by accident, I had opened another folder with 4 photos where my husband was sitting, hugging his co-worker. ...
> I had asked him "why you did not show us those photos?" His reply was : "How did you find those photos?".... the fact that he hid those photos speaks volume to me.
> ...


Seems like there's one in every office.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

anna2020 said:


> WHY would he keep her phone number in his phone for 2 years after she had been fired????


Booty call.


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## GooGooCluster (Mar 17, 2021)

anna2020 said:


> I am not offended at all. I understand your point. The thing is... he'd print out statements where the money is going.../spent and he's like have a line of my personal gym membership TWICE. I pay for that gym myself and I had asked him "why are you printing twice my gym membership if I am paying for it myself?" His reply was "an app is doing that. I can't fix it"....I don't know where the truth anymore and where he's lying


Is he printing from an app or site in front of you or while you’re around, or bringing the printout home with him? Because if it’s not in front of you I would assume he’s making the statements on his own and hoping you don’t question it. One thing my husband used to do would be to make me doubt everything, including money spent. They can be so good at making you feel like you’re the idiot who can’t grasp basic knowledge. I hope you figure it all out, and get a good attorney. Make it an expensive one that he will (hopefully) have to pay for himself.


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

GooGooCluster said:


> Is he printing from an app or site in front of you or while you’re around, or bringing the printout home with him? Because if it’s not in front of you I would assume he’s making the statements on his own and hoping you don’t question it. One thing my husband used to do would be to make me doubt everything, including money spent. They can be so good at making you feel like you’re the idiot who can’t grasp basic knowledge. I hope you figure it all out, and get a good attorney. Make it an expensive one that he will (hopefully) have to pay for himself.


One thing I don't understand is : He's making over $100k a year. When I googled (what I bring home) there are calculators on the Internet with every state, every calculator showed to me after taxes gross around $72k when I'd take $72k divide into bi-weekly payout all the sites tells me should be $3700 ish in 2 weeks, yet he brings home $2700 exactly $1000 less per pay period! I am working too! Lately he's been taking ALL of my money, I mean if my earnings were $2400.38 (he'd take $2400.38) yes including pennies and move my money to "pay the bills". We have the same bills we've had 2 years ago when we had his salary cover everything. Now suddenly it's not enough! I buy my own shoes/clothes and for our son. He doesn't spend a penny on that. He'd opened MANY credit cards and MANY bank accounts. Like you drive on the street and you see a bank name, he has an account there! It's just driving me insane!
Yesterday when I questioned him "why do you bring home $1000 less per pay period than you should've had?" He began yelling at me, made a print out and said "IT IS WHAT I EARN!" Yet every single paycheck calcuate website showed me he should've brought home $1000 more! How he's hiding that $1000 per pay period is beyond me..... I think I need professional help with finances.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why can't you look at your taxes? You have to sign them before they are sent to the IRS. They will tell you how much he earned etc.


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## GooGooCluster (Mar 17, 2021)

anna2020 said:


> One thing I don't understand is : He's making over $100k a year. When I googled (what I bring home) there are calculators on the Internet with every state, every calculator showed to me after taxes gross around $72k when I'd take $72k divide into bi-weekly payout all the sites tells me should be $3700 ish in 2 weeks, yet he brings home $2700 exactly $1000 less per pay period! I am working too! Lately he's been taking ALL of my money, I mean if my earnings were $2400.38 (he'd take $2400.38) yes including pennies and move my money to "pay the bills". We have the same bills we've had 2 years ago when we had his salary cover everything. Now suddenly it's not enough! I buy my own shoes/clothes and for our son. He doesn't spend a penny on that. He'd opened MANY credit cards and MANY bank accounts. Like you drive on the street and you see a bank name, he has an account there! It's just driving me insane!
> Yesterday when I questioned him "why do you bring home $1000 less per pay period than you should've had?" He began yelling at me, made a print out and said "IT IS WHAT I EARN!" Yet every single paycheck calcuate website showed me he should've brought home $1000 more! How he's hiding that $1000 per pay period is beyond me..... I think I need professional help with finances.


I think he’s using the missing $$ for child support, at least that’s what it sounds like.
I don’t know your state or if you’re even in the US, but I live in a state that has a website where you can search anyone and see their court records. If someone is even pulled over for rolling through a stop sign that’s on the site. Try googling your state judicial branch, or maybe state court records. See if anything comes up under his name.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Why don't you move your money to a different bank account? You act as if you were a prisoner. You can have your own bank account where he can't have access to. 

Do the same thing he's doing. Get a different bank account, get some money from it and deposit it in the joint account to pay bills. He doesn't have to get all of your money. You are letting him do this! 

Who cares about the stupid picture. You should be happy there's someone interested in taking the jerk away from you!


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

anna2020 said:


> One thing I don't understand is : He's making over $100k a year. When I googled (what I bring home) there are calculators on the Internet with every state, every calculator showed to me after taxes gross around $72k when I'd take $72k divide into bi-weekly payout all the sites tells me should be $3700 ish in 2 weeks, yet he brings home $2700 exactly $1000 less per pay period! I am working too! Lately he's been taking ALL of my money, I mean if my earnings were $2400.38 (he'd take $2400.38) yes including pennies and move my money to "pay the bills". We have the same bills we've had 2 years ago when we had his salary cover everything. Now suddenly it's not enough! I buy my own shoes/clothes and for our son. He doesn't spend a penny on that. He'd opened MANY credit cards and MANY bank accounts. Like you drive on the street and you see a bank name, he has an account there! It's just driving me insane!
> Yesterday when I questioned him "why do you bring home $1000 less per pay period than you should've had?" He began yelling at me, made a print out and said "IT IS WHAT I EARN!" Yet every single paycheck calcuate website showed me he should've brought home $1000 more! How he's hiding that $1000 per pay period is beyond me..... I think I need professional help with finances.


Do you have access to his W-2? It shows clearly how much he takes home after taxes. As someone has already suggested, look at the tax form. Don't you file jointly? You should have access to this form as well. It's your right. You signed on it. When you hire a family lawyer to file for divorce, your H has to provide all these forms, and everything will be made clear. 

You are getting a lot of great suggestions here. As someone has already suggested, open a bank account in your name and wire your salary directly to this account. You can control how much you want (or don't want) to give him, considering that you are paying for your own stuff and for your son's clothes and such and he has been irresponsible and selfish and secretive with money. If you want to continue the dialogue with him, let him keep his printout and ask for the W-2. He might be manipulating the printout and hiding/deleting whatever he doesn't want you to see. If his finances are in the red, you run the risk of having to pay for all the debt he's been incurring, so it's important to protect yourself and seek professional legal and financial help. This guy is a mess and is abusive and seems to have no moral values whatsoever.


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## otomerican (May 27, 2021)

This doesn't look good, clearly. I was wondering what you're hoping to accomplish?
1. Do you want to know for certain whether he has / is having an affair? Does something not add up about the way he spends his time when he isn't around you?
2. Are you hoping to obtain evidence that he's having an affair for potential legal proceedings afterwards?

Should you try and ask him directly about this person in the photo, again, and see if he admits why he has been trying to hide her from you or provides another evasive response.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Was the photo taken down?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

anna2020 said:


> I am not offended at all. I understand your point. The thing is... he'd print out statements where the money is going.../spent and he's like have a line of my personal gym membership TWICE. I pay for that gym myself and I had asked him "why are you printing twice my gym membership if I am paying for it myself?" His reply was "an app is doing that. I can't fix it"....I don't know where the truth anymore and where he's lying


Tell him you want to see his bank statements and credit card statements NOW! If they are online get his passwords to log in and look at his history.

Don’t allow him to create his own version of his money trail.

Also see his pay stub. Look closely to see what deductions he has and what they are for. Any money paid regularly to another person would be listed in his pay stub.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Get your own bank account and deposit your pay into that account.

Start setting yourself up to be in a good place in case you need to divorce him.

Any man that yells at me when I ask about the family earnings... would be gone from my life instantly!

People get mad about simple questions when they are hiding something. He’s been lying to you for a long time! 

You need to find out what’s really going on.
Start by looking at the tax forms you have. You signed them right? It should have his stub with his info attached to the copy you keep. Where is it and go look for it! Find out the real info you need to know!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

anna2020 said:


> One thing I don't understand is : He's making over $100k a year. When I googled (what I bring home) there are calculators on the Internet with every state, every calculator showed to me after taxes gross around $72k when I'd take $72k divide into bi-weekly payout all the sites tells me should be $3700 ish in 2 weeks, yet he brings home $2700 exactly $1000 less per pay period! I am working too! Lately he's been taking ALL of my money, I mean if my earnings were $2400.38 (he'd take $2400.38) yes including pennies and move my money to "pay the bills". We have the same bills we've had 2 years ago when we had his salary cover everything. Now suddenly it's not enough! I buy my own shoes/clothes and for our son. He doesn't spend a penny on that. He'd opened MANY credit cards and MANY bank accounts. Like you drive on the street and you see a bank name, he has an account there! It's just driving me insane!
> Yesterday when I questioned him "why do you bring home $1000 less per pay period than you should've had?" He began yelling at me, made a print out and said "IT IS WHAT I EARN!" Yet every single paycheck calcuate website showed me he should've brought home $1000 more! How he's hiding that $1000 per pay period is beyond me..... I think I need professional help with finances.


First YOU need to get access to ALL of the financial accounts and STOP relying on him "explaining" things to you.
Get a hold of his paystub if you can -- that will tell you exactly what he is bringing home.
I would also suggest YOU getting a separate bank account that he does NOT have access to, and deposit all of YOUR money there.
If he needs for you to pay some bills, have him show you the EXACT bill and amount.
You def need a forensic accountant.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Stop asking question and start demanding more info!
You are his partner! There’s no reason for anyone to get angry while explaining financial matters.
If he’s unwilling to calmly hand over the real info (NOT spreadsheets - those can have ANY info he puts down) - file for divorce - he’s not your partner - he’s acting like he’s your enemy. 
Put a stop to it.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

anna2020 said:


> One thing I don't understand is : He's making over $100k a year. When I googled (what I bring home) there are calculators on the Internet with every state, every calculator showed to me after taxes gross around $72k when I'd take $72k divide into bi-weekly payout all the sites tells me should be $3700 ish in 2 weeks, yet he brings home $2700 exactly $1000 less per pay period! I am working too! Lately he's been taking ALL of my money, I mean if my earnings were $2400.38 (he'd take $2400.38) yes including pennies and move my money to "pay the bills". We have the same bills we've had 2 years ago when we had his salary cover everything. Now suddenly it's not enough! I buy my own shoes/clothes and for our son. He doesn't spend a penny on that. He'd opened MANY credit cards and MANY bank accounts. Like you drive on the street and you see a bank name, he has an account there! It's just driving me insane!
> Yesterday when I questioned him "why do you bring home $1000 less per pay period than you should've had?" He began yelling at me, made a print out and said "IT IS WHAT I EARN!" Yet every single paycheck calcuate website showed me he should've brought home $1000 more! How he's hiding that $1000 per pay period is beyond me..... I think I need professional help with finances.


There is something called financial abuse. You need to look it up and see what’s happening here. It’s abuse just like physical and emotional.

You do need help, and you need it quick. Please get a lawyer who can also find you a good accountant to track down all the money for you. Figure out where it’s going and make a plan. Back off of asking him questions, let him think you give up and do your own investigative work.


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## anna2020 (Dec 3, 2020)

Beach123 said:


> Stop asking question and start demanding more info!
> You are his partner! There’s no reason for anyone to get angry while explaining financial matters.
> If he’s unwilling to calmly hand over the real info (NOT spreadsheets - those can have ANY info he puts down) - file for divorce - he’s not your partner - he’s acting like he’s your enemy.
> Put a stop to it.


He prints out expenses from Quickbooks, then I have an access to our credit card statements. He opened 4 credit cards. I did not know about. He takes out loans on amount I don't know about. He took out a loan on $4000 then turned out to be $7.500 then final loan was $10k....When I ask him "when were you going to tell me this?" He says : "I've told you. You forgot"..... I felt like I was going crazy


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

anna2020 said:


> He says : "I've told you. You forgot"..... I felt like I was going crazy


This is pure gaslighting right there. BS, don't believe him about anything. He is super manipulative...


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

When are you filing for divorce?

He isn’t making decisions in the best interest of the family and you can’t trust him. 

You can’t change him - you can only change what you do to change this terrible situation.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

anna2020 said:


> He prints out expenses from Quickbooks, then I have an access to our credit card statements. He opened 4 credit cards. I did not know about. He takes out loans on amount I don't know about. He took out a loan on $4000 then turned out to be $7.500 then final loan was $10k....When I ask him "when were you going to tell me this?" He says : "I've told you. You forgot"..... I felt like I was going crazy


You do realize you are on the hook for all the debts he is running up? Debts and assets are usually split 50/50 in cases of divorce...

You need to get really smart here and start covering your backside. He can either keep you from leaving him by hanging this over your head (what if he has $100k or more in debt right now? Can you afford half of that if you divorce him?), or he is going to leave YOU and make you pay half. Again... get.a.lawyer.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When he spends himself into oblivion, your ignorance of his debts will not free you (also) from owing the creditors or those banks.

Did he forge your signature on any loans? That is a felony.

You may divorce him, but his debts and bad credit will haunt you for (seven years?), maybe a decade or more.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

anna2020 said:


> He prints out expenses from Quickbooks, then I have an access to our credit card statements. He opened 4 credit cards. I did not know about. He takes out loans on amount I don't know about. He took out a loan on $4000 then turned out to be $7.500 then final loan was $10k....When I ask him "when were you going to tell me this?" He says : "I've told you. You forgot"..... I felt like I was going crazy


Jesus. This lying sack of crap is going to put you so far into debt for his secret *second* life that you'll NEVER get out. It's time to lawyer up already.


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