# Porn?



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

With all of this animosity in regards to people watching porn, I'm wondering how many men turn to watching it when their spouse refuses to have a sex life with them?
And, if the porn comes after denial of relations, what possible reason would a spouse feel the entitlement to be angry about it?
To me it seems like a form of bondage.


----------



## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

I'm watching it. For me, it's a good way to cope having a higher sex drive that her. Porn makes up the difference. She knows and she is ok with that.

Never had a relationship with a girl who had something against it.


----------



## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I do...
If my wife turns me down and I want to take matters into my own hands, she's fine with it, so long as I do it out of her sight. That is the case only if she withholds sex. If I just decide to masturbate without pursuing sex, she'll watch and sometimes join in.
She doesn't mind me masturbating to porn, just doesn't like it when I do it passive aggressively.


----------



## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

If a man has his needs satisfied by his partner, then there shouldn't be a need for the porn. I will say satisfied doesn't mean just having plain vanilla sex 4-5 times a week. A good sex life is like anything else it takes effort, focus and creativity. Too many of my counterparts think as long as he gets sex 2-3 times a week he should be good.....haven't met to many men that would work for though. 

That said to much porn can lead to an addiction and if someone is a sex addict it really doesn't matter how much sex they get or how kinky it is they will not give up the porn.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

My issue is that it's not porn that's the problem. It's the individual. My wife and I have used porn during our marriage...oddly enough except for that odd 5 year stretch of an affair she had...but I digress.

I'm not talking about wacked out porn either cuz some of that sh-t is just plain disgusting.

I liken it to drinking. If you feel like you gotta hide it or sneak it, well then you got a problem.

If either spouse is in a sexless marriage and they for whatever reason just don't talk about the WHY...well, I got no problem if either party enjoys a little alone time with the laptop. God sakes, one would think that it being 2013 the whole repressed sexuality thing wouldn't be such a big deal anymore.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> I liken it to drinking. If you feel like you gotta hide it or sneak it, well then you got a problem


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

mineforever said:


> If a man has his needs satisfied by his partner, then there shouldn't be a need for the porn. I will say satisfied doesn't mean just having plain vanilla sex 4-5 times a week. A good sex life is like anything else it takes effort, focus and creativity. Too many of my counterparts think as long as he gets sex 2-3 times a week he should be good.....haven't met to many men that would work for though.
> 
> That said to much porn can lead to an addiction and if someone is a sex addict it really doesn't matter how much sex they get or how kinky it is they will not give up the porn.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. My husband of 22 years is a porn addict. By the time he abandoned me, he had completely cut me off from sex. God knows I intitiated and asked enough to satisfy most men. Even when we had sex before he cut me off, it lasted all of 45 seconds, always the same boring position that did nothing for me, and often he could not even penetrate because he could not get hard enough. Even oral sex on him was not stimulating enough even though 20 years ago all he had to do was look at me and that was enough. He spent an hour each morning before work masterbating to porn. When I would catch him, I let him know it was hurtful, because I was 6 inches away from him and he chose his hand and the tv or the computer screen. Nothing I said changed his ways. This addiction progressed into an ugly monster over a 20 year period. My self esteem is pulverized. I just want to find a man who doesn't have intimacy issues.


----------



## Sweetmaya (Feb 14, 2013)

SaltInWound said:


> When I would catch him, I let him know it was hurtful, because I was 6 inches away from him and he chose his hand and the tv or the computer screen. Nothing I said changed his ways. This addiction progressed into an ugly monster over a 20 year period. My self esteem is pulverized. I just want to find a man who doesn't have intimacy issues.


And there lies the problem... Outside things and props and simulations should ALWAYS be use to ENHANCE and never to SUBSTITUTE!!!!

My husband and I use porn sometimes to role play, to tease and sometimes we can't help to laugh at what people are doing these days... :scratchhead:


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> I liken it to drinking. If you feel like you gotta hide it or sneak it, well then you got a problem.


I think a considerate spouse should hide it from a spouse who doesn't like it. 

By hide it, I mean it's fine to admit that you do it if asked, but you don't volunteer the when or the what. You don't leave it up on the computer screen. You don't get caught doing it. You don't replace your partner with your porn. 

If your spouse is unable to meet all of your sexual needs, you should NOT feel obligated to stop simply because they don't like it.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Cletus said:


> I think a considerate spouse should hide it from a spouse who doesn't like it.
> 
> By hide it, I mean it's fine to admit that you do it if asked, but you don't volunteer the when or the what. You don't leave it up on the computer screen. You don't get caught doing it. You don't replace your partner with your porn.
> 
> If your spouse is unable to meet all of your sexual needs, you should NOT feel obligated to stop simply because they don't like it.


I've got no issue with that. The true hiding is what I'm more speaking to. Like hiding that bottle of vodka in the holding tank of the toilet or hiding the bag of weed outside under the hedgerow. THAT kind of hiding. 

Again, to restate from a point that I've been doing a bit of reading about, it's funny how say the Swedes have a very open feeling about sexuality and porn is almost non-existant as far as in an abusive way. American puritanism however...wowza, do we have issues!!


----------



## Sweetmaya (Feb 14, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> Again, to restate from a point that I've been doing a bit of reading about, it's funny how say the Swedes have a very open feeling about sexuality and porn is almost non-existant as far as in an abusive way. American puritanism however...wowza, do we have issues!!


:iagree:


----------



## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I would have answered this question sooner but I'm typing with my left hand only!


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Toffer said:


> I would have answered this question sooner but I'm typing with my left hand only!


:lol::lol::rofl::rofl::rofl:

And there goes my Valentine's day Jack Daniels all over the screen!

Not in a sexual way though.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Mods, can we add this smiley?


----------



## Lordhavok (Mar 14, 2012)

Cletus said:


> I think a considerate spouse should hide it from a spouse who doesn't like it.
> 
> By hide it, I mean it's fine to admit that you do it if asked, but you don't volunteer the when or the what. You don't leave it up on the computer screen. You don't get caught doing it. You don't replace your partner with your porn.
> 
> If your spouse is unable to meet all of your sexual needs, you should NOT feel obligated to stop simply because they don't like it.


I agree cletus, my wife knows I look at it, she just dont want it in her face, if she ask, yeah, I'll own up to it. But my sexual energy is for her, cant remember the last time I took care of it myself. We have an awesome sex life.


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Mods, can we add this smiley?



I second the motion.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

always_alone said:


> Can porn itself be a sexual need? If your spouse were available and willing whenever, would it still be reasonable to hold back some energy for the porn viewing?


If porn itself is a sexual 'NEED' then you have a problem.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

always_alone said:


> Can porn itself be a sexual need? If your spouse were available and willing whenever, would it still be reasonable to hold back some energy for the porn viewing?


I definitely draw a distinction between having a spouse who is available and willing for sex vs. a spouse who is actively seeking it. 

Turning down a spouse who wants sex for porn will almost certainly cause blowback that will hurt your relationship. Simply giving your spouse a night off on a 'Meh' night doesn't seem like a crime. 

You will soon find that this opinion is not universally held.


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

mineforever said:


> If a man has his needs satisfied by his partner, then there shouldn't be a need for the porn. I will say satisfied doesn't mean just having plain vanilla sex 4-5 times a week. A good sex life is like anything else it takes effort, focus and creativity. Too many of my counterparts think as long as he gets sex 2-3 times a week he should be good...


:iagree:

:smthumbup: logical!! Looking at it this way, indeed if both spouses always make serious effort to satisfy each other, then the porn is not a need. I could relate to this, if I had great sex in Saturday and Sunday, I do not thinking of sex (let alone reaching for porn) for the entire week until the next Saturday, because I am satisfied already. No need for porn or wanking.

Maybe every now and then, to watch together with spouse, it is ok, to spice things up. Just like bonking in a hotel every now and then, to "change atmosphere". Not a need, but is Ok to do every now and then, not to overdo it.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

John Lord B3...when I have great sex Saturday and Sunday I usually wake up Monday hoping to continue the trend!! LOL I can't wait til the weekend again!!


----------



## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

when my wife wont sex me yeah i watch porn and watch porn with my wife so porn GOOOOOOD!!!!!


----------



## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

Yes, when I want it and it doesn't happen, quite often go to a site with the necessary pictures of attractive women and take care of it. No the wife doesn't know, she does not like the idea of that. She knows that I do it on my own sometimes, but she doesn't know exactly when or how. She doesn't like the idea of me doing it while looking at other women, but it is just a whole lot easier that way.


----------



## craig1 (Feb 15, 2013)

I can understand a woman / guy having an issue granting the Porn OK Agreemet.

I have to admit, it opens the entire gamit of watching your choice of millions of women (in my case) of every age, shape, stype... ect.

I don't get why woman would chose this route versus offer more variety in the bedroom. A guy could get lost in the world of porn.

You have to admit, this generation has had the opportunity to see more sex, in every way and form... than ever in history.


----------



## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

SomedayDig said:


> John Lord B3...when I have great sex Saturday and Sunday I usually wake up Monday hoping to continue the trend!! LOL I can't wait til the weekend again!!


Yeah, you're normal then 

I am, however, not as normal as you. I am a bit LD-ish, so I don't initiate much. And frequency is not important to me, quality is. Monthly sex work great for LD people like me, whom are LD, but still need intimacy and sex on a regular basis. 

Still, despite my LD-ness, if my woman ask for sex, I will do everything within my powers to comply, and seriously making effort to make it enjoyable to us both (not just "get it hard and doing pushups", up-down, in-out, count-to-700 kind of thing). If we are having sex, I want to make sure she is satisfied! Thanx God she is not a daily demander...


----------

