# Advice about life



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

Hello everyone.
Well, after a long and very careful consideration, I have decided to share my issues and ask for your advice.
I am a 30 year old male and I have always been very shy and quiet. I never made any friends and I have never been in a relationship. When I was in high school/college, I just focused on my studies.
In college, classmates wanted me to break out of my "bubble" and be their friend. I was described as a sweet and kind guy who was just way too shy and quiet.
I did not change when I was working as well. My co-workers wanted me to open up and stop living in a "bubble". Yes, this "bubble" is quite a familiar word which I have heard so many times.
My mom (divorced) has always been very supportive and she encourages me to go out and meet new people.
To this day, it hurts very much that I did not make any fiends or have a girlfriend. A few days ago, I finally realized what I did wrong and I am ready to change. 
I am already making some steps toward my goal. For example, I am not as nervous when I go to a shopping mall and seeing so many people around me. Before, I could barely spend 5 minutes inside and then head for the closest exit.
I still blush and get a bit nervous when I speak to girls. However, I try to smile and not let my nervousness get the best of me.
I am currently looking for a job in my field (medical lab) and also other jobs where I can work more closely with others. For now, I have to drive a truck and be away from home for long periods of time. This certainly does not help me, but I have no choice.
Friendship, dating, relationship, being in love... I have absolutely no clue about any of those...
I need to educate my self very well before I am ready for a serious relationship. 
Being lonely hurts, but I think it's still better than being in a relationship and not knowing what to do and how to make your partner very happy.
If you have any suggestions, please feel free to let me know. Your help will be appreciated very, very much. 
My sincere apologies for the long post and if I was boring everyone.


----------



## d2snow (Mar 17, 2013)

Sounds like you may have some kind of social anxieties. Have you investigated that or did some research on it?


----------



## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Sounds like you have a treatable disorder. Get a professional health opinion


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Getting professional help is a good start. Some others...

Join Toastmasters and get up and talk in front of people.

Join a club... anything you like. If you like running, join a running club. If you like RC airplanes, join an RC airplane club. If you like reading, join a book club.

It's always easier to talk to people about things in which you are interested.


----------



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

Hi. Thank you very much for your replies. 
After researching, I found out that I have some social anxiety issues. I am currently in the process of finding a counselor.


----------



## Ryan_sa (May 8, 2012)

Zulnex said:


> Being lonely hurts, but I think it's still better than being in a relationship and not knowing what to do and how to make your partner very happy.


Dont worry about making your partner happy, If your a good guy, and I think you are, then just be yourself. Be honest, and kind. Easy.

I used to be painfully shy, and somehow ended up working in hotels, where I was forced to talk to people all day. I love being alone, but I have learned to chat to people all day if necessary. It is something you can learn, the main thing for me was to stop worrying what others thought of me.


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Zulnex said:


> Hi. Thank you very much for your replies.
> After researching, I found out that I have some social anxiety issues. I am currently in the process of finding a counselor.


Good first step finding a counselor, Zulnex. Your on your way. 

“Believe you can and you're halfway there.” 
― Theodore Roosevelt


How about some reads?

"How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" Dale Carnegie

No More Mr. Nice Guy Join the forum or look for a chapter near you.

Married Man Sex Life  No it's not a sex manual. It will give you insight into sexual attraction. Written by brother member Athol Kay 

Look in to groups in your area, with common interest like hobbies, skills, employment, church. Here's a site for people looking to meet others. Find Meetup groups near you - Meetup

Do you frequent the gym?


----------



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

Once again, thank you so much for your helpful replies and the links as well. I am truly touched.

anchorwatch - I do not frequent the gym but I plan to (once I start my counseling sessions).


----------



## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Zulnex said:


> Once again, thank you so much for your helpful replies and the links as well. I am truly touched.
> 
> anchorwatch - I do not frequent the gym but I plan to (once I start my counseling sessions).


Good, change is exciting. 

This will get you going at the gym. Weights not cardio. 
Starting Strength 

Here's one of the best reads on how relationships work. 
Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages® 

Enjoy your journey!


----------



## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

You just need to get some self confidence. Try subliminal messaging CDs that help increase confidence or lower anxiety disorders. They really do help.


----------



## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

I am very happy for you! You are like all of us: not perfect, but willing to work in order to get better.

What causes your fear of people? Were you hurt as a child?


----------



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

Once again, thank you so much for your wonderful replies everyone.

Recently I have read that shyness and social anxiety are sometimes influenced by the past.

I lived in a war zone (age 8-13) and have almost lost my life.
After war, my father (alcoholic) also attempted to murder me and my mom. We both survived.
I am thinking that I should definitely get some trauma counseling as well. War memories still bother me sometimes and what my father tried to do as well.
Talking about war memories...Today, when I heard a fire truck's wailing siren, it reminded me of those horrible sounding air raid sirens when I was young.

Not sure if I should have mentioned childhood traumas in my first post.
I think I definitely need trauma counseling...


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Zulnex said:


> Once again, thank you so much for your wonderful replies everyone.
> 
> Recently I have read that shyness and social anxiety are sometimes influenced by the past.
> 
> ...


It’s good that you mentioned the childhood traumas. That way we have more of an idea of what you are dealing with.

I also lived in a war zone at about the same age as you did. While I don’t really have problems being social as you do, I do have some of the issues with certain noises and things like you do. On top of that, your father trying to kill you and your mom has probably has added stressors on you. 

You most likely have some PTSD. Counseling is a very good idea for you.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Here is a Social Anxiety test online to give you some idea where you are ....moderate to severe in social phobia >> 

Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale Test 

Social Anxiety Fact Sheet 

This is GOOD you will be seeking help for your childhood trama / a Counselor... sounds you have much going for you, getting through College, you have a steady job...seeking to work in a Medical Lab...be diligent in putting your applications out there...don't give up. 

There is a book called Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: ...books can help you identify WHY you feel as you do ... in so learning you are not alone in this world-even if you feel like you are the only one who FEELS this way... many are good at concealing ... how others have lifted themselves up out of the quagmire... 

About the book >>



> Are you afraid of making decisions . . . asking your boss for a raise . . . leaving an unfulfilling relationship . . . facing the future? Whatever your fear, here is your chance to push through it once and for all. In this enduring guide to self-empowerment, Dr. Susan Jeffers inspires us with dynamic techniques and profound concepts that have helped countless people grab hold of their fears and move forward with their lives. Inside you’ll discover
> 
> • what we are afraid of, and why
> • how to move from victim to creator
> ...


----------



## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Oh yes, you have a lot of baggage to deal with... don't rely on online help, go meet real people who can help you...


----------



## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Zulnex said:


> Hello everyone.
> Well, after a long and very careful consideration, I have decided to share my issues and ask for your advice.
> I am a 30 year old male and I have always been very shy and quiet. I never I made any friends and I have never been in a relationship. When I was in high school/college, I just focused on my studies.
> In college, classmates wanted me to break out of my "bubble" and be their friend. I was described as a sweet and kind guy who was just way too shy and quiet.
> ...


I haven't read other replies. I'm sure they are helpful. I used to be painfully shy. You can overcome this. It is social anxiety. Changes don't happen overnight. Just kep putting yourself out there regardless of the outcome....easier said then done....but well worth it....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Zulnex, everyone has given you great advice, for the most part. Pay special attention to what Anchorwatch told you with regards to his reading list.

The #1 thing you can do, after finding a first rate counselor, is get a top notch physique. "Starting Strength", recommended by Anchor, is one way to do it, High Intensity is another way. I've done both styles of training and they both work. Eating right and getting 9 hours of sleep is 90% of the equation either way. Like Anchor says, don't waste your time with so-called "cardio" or "aerobics."

Get your testosterone checked, it's key in personality and physical development. Knowing your 30 year old baseline will pay off later in life.

I agree with what you've been told about joining hobby groups. Cram in as many as you can stand. Meet the girls. Just remember, they're going to hurt you. When it happens just realize it's like muscle soreness after a workout; it's the price you pay and it comes with the territory. No way around it, but you keep working out every couple of days, even though you get sore. When a cowboy gets bucked off, he gets right back on the next bronco. It's part of the fun. Keep that in mind with women.

I highly recommend that you take up a musical instrument if you don't play already. 

Are you from the ex-Yugoslavia?


----------



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

Machiavelli said:


> Zulnex, everyone has given you great advice, for the most part. Pay special attention to what Anchorwatch told you with regards to his reading list.
> 
> The #1 thing you can do, after finding a first rate counselor, is get a top notch physique. "Starting Strength", recommended by Anchor, is one way to do it, High Intensity is another way. I've done both styles of training and they both work. Eating right and getting 9 hours of sleep is 90% of the equation either way. Like Anchor says, don't waste your time with so-called "cardio" or "aerobics."
> 
> ...


Thank you so much for your helpful reply Machiavelli. I greatly appreciate your and other members advice. I feel so much better knowing what to do and where to start.

Meeting the girls will be a bit difficult for now since I'll start driving a truck soon and be on the road for long periods of time. I am looking for a job in my field and other similar jobs where I can be home more often.

Yes, I am from ex-Yugoslavia.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Zulnex said:


> Thank you so much for your helpful reply Machiavelli. I greatly appreciate your and other members advice. I feel so much better knowing what to do and where to start.
> 
> Meeting the girls will be a bit difficult for now since I'll start driving a truck soon and be on the road for long periods of time. I am looking for a job in my field and other similar jobs where I can be home more often.
> 
> Yes, I am from ex-Yugoslavia.


I thought so. One other thing, if you're going to be long hauling, don't fall into the eating trap with high carb crap foods. Guys do that to keep awake, but it'll make you fat very quickly. Eat low carb jerky, fruit, vegetables, pork rinds, etc. I recommend this book Primal Blueprint generally, although I do not recommend his exercise ideas.

Get a guitar to take with you and learn to play it.


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Totally not trying to play Tag Machiavelli I swear!

Zulnex...I used to be very very shy growing up, and had some anxiety issues when in public places as well. Not severe, but I did get nervous around people. But life kicked me in the butt when I moved out of my parents house at 17, moved 8 hours away to be with my BF who is now my H. Probably the best thing I ever did in regards to my shyness. I couldn't hide behind my family anymore, and had to get out there.

I do suggest learning to play an instrument too. I myself play the guitar and I love to sing. It's a lot of fun, and if you get good at it, you will feel a little more confident in yourself. P.S. Girl's love guitar players


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> P.S. Girl's love guitar players


It's the wrist vibrato.


----------



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

I was always shy around girls in high school. Sex was always a taboo subject in my home growing up, and I always had a hard-on....After I graduated HS I realised the odds of a naked girl falling on my penis were pretty low, and started doing something about it...

My approach might have been a bit crude, but I deciced I was going to start kissing girls...At every opportunity, in a totally unexpected manner, I would just lay a nice, firm, somewhat intense kiss on their lips...The results were stunning...To me...Girls liked being kissed...WOW...A little eye contact, a little friendly talk, and then smack....I never got slapped, and apparently they talk among themselves...I started getting dates, and was even persued by women...girlfriends fixing up girlfriends, etc..

It is a whole lot easier than you would imagine...I was always polite, and courteous, but I also made it clear that I WAS VERY INTERESTED IN A LOT MORE THAN KISSING IF THEY WERE...

You can have a very robust sex life with more than one women without being overtly aggressive or pushy...Honesty will take you a long way...I actually got proposals of marriage from some very nice girls.....

Lots of people would say I had social anxiety back in my HS days, if so, I know it can be cured without pills, after all, women are people too....


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> It's the wrist vibrato.



What does that do? :scratchhead:


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> Honesty will take you a long way...I actually got proposals of marriage from some very nice girls....



Proposals from women??  Wow, that's nuts. I don't think I'd ever be able to propose to a man honestly.


----------



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

Thank you so much for amazing replies everyone. I am truly touched by your care and thoughtfulness.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> What does that do? :scratchhead:


Watch the guitar player's left hand from 2:10 to the end.

Free - All Right Now [totp] - YouTube


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I take it you are in a different country now than the one that had the war. Are there groups on your area for people from the same country? 
What country are you from if you don't mind me asking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Mach that is literally the worst camera work I've ever seen for a major music act. And the pants, the pants! 
He's prob too tired after a gig to use his hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Watch the guitar player's left hand from 2:10 to the end.
> 
> Free - All Right Now [totp] - YouTube


Ahh I can see what you're talking about now...watch this guy, he's pretty good 

Cliffs of Dover Featuring Slash Bruce - YouTube


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Sorry you already said ex-yugo. If you live in any kind of big city there are going to be others from your country who share your experiences. Find a group and go to make friends, see what happens!
If you are Bosnian send me a pm. There are more where I live than still in Bosnia I think. Maybe you might drive through here and go hang at a Bosnian club or cafe.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> Ahh I can see what you're talking about now...watch this guy, he's pretty good
> 
> Cliffs of Dover Featuring Slash Bruce - YouTube


One of my old bandmates used to jam often with Eric Johnson and has one of his old strats. Eric wants it back, but my friend won't sell. The kid in the video is pretty good.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Mach that is literally the worst camera work I've ever seen for a major music act. And the pants, the pants!
> He's prob too tired after a gig to use his hand.


No, you're forearm gets really strong and it's no different than playing another set; you just stiffen the fingers and go into vibrato mode. The pants? We used to have to lie down and exhale about three times to get the waist band buttoned up. They weren't really considered extreme at all, since everybody did it.


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> One of my old bandmates used to jam often with Eric Johnson and has one of his old strats. Eric wants it back, but my friend won't sell. The kid in the video is pretty good.


So I take it you play guitar if you were in a band.. How good are you? I play acoustic, but I'm still really amateur at it. I'll probably be learning the rest of my life at this rate. I mostly like to sing


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> So I take it you play guitar if you were in a band.. How good are you? I play acoustic, but I'm still really amateur at it. I'll probably be learning the rest of my life at this rate. I mostly like to sing


I am a hack. Technically, I was very very good but I really didn't have as much originality as I would have liked. I have a couple of walls loaded with guitars, but these days I rarely take them down. I'm thinking about starting up again.

Play 3 hours a day for six months and you'll be quite good. Slow down 33 rpm records to 16 rpm and you can pick up all the really fast parts.


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> I am a hack. Technically, I was very very good but I really didn't have as much originality as I would have liked. I have a couple of walls loaded with guitars, but these days I rarely take them down. I'm thinking about starting up again.
> 
> Play 3 hours a day for six months and you'll be quite good. Slow down 33 rpm records to 16 rpm and you can pick up all the really fast parts.


Well you could give me one of those! I'm thinking of buying another guitar. Mine has nylon strings...sounds good with some songs, but I'd rather have a steel stringed acoustic with an amp. 

I'd be lucky to be able to play for even 3 hours a week! I have two small kids and I'm in full time school. But I do try to get in as much time as possible considering. 

How long has it been since you've played? I'm sure it would come back to you pretty quick.


----------



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

I played guitar in my high school music class. I found it very enjoyable.
Looking forward playing it again soon. Also planning to learn how to compose music.


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Zulnex said:


> I played guitar in my high school music class. I found it very enjoyable.
> Looking forward playing it again soon. Also planning to learn how to compose music.


I played in high school too, but waited until a couple of years ago to buy my own. I always wanted to learn. 

Do you mean composing classical type music?


----------



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

somethingelse said:


> I played in high school too, but waited until a couple of years ago to buy my own. I always wanted to learn.
> 
> Do you mean composing classical type music?


It's awesome that you played in high school too. Music class was my favorite.
Yes, composing classical type music. 
Sometimes melodies come to my mind when I am sleeping. When I wake up I want to write them down, but don't know how. As soon as I have some free time, I plan to learn. 
Actually, I wanted to do that for many years but life issues prevented me from doing it.
It's hard to describe, but something in my heart is always inspiring me to start composing.


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Zulnex said:


> It's awesome that you played in high school too. Music class was my favorite.
> Yes, composing classical type music.
> Sometimes melodies come to my mind when I am sleeping. When I wake up I want to write them down, but don't know how. As soon as I have some free time, I plan to learn.
> Actually, I wanted to do that for many years but life issues prevented me from doing it.
> It's hard to describe, but something in my heart is always inspiring me to start composing.


Yeah mine too.. I was in Choir too. I know that sounds nerdy, but I absolutely love to sing..just comes with who I am. My dad was a singer in a band when he was my age. It runs in the blood 

Writing music is definitely a skill. I don't know how to do it. But, if it's in your heart to learn, then go for it. Life's too short, do what you love


----------



## Zulnex (Mar 23, 2013)

somethingelse said:


> Yeah mine too.. I was in Choir too. I know that sounds nerdy, but I absolutely love to sing..just comes with who I am. My dad was a singer in a band when he was my age. It runs in the blood
> 
> Writing music is definitely a skill. I don't know how to do it. But, if it's in your heart to learn, then go for it. Life's too short, do what you love


Thank you so much. 
Wow, it is wonderful that you sang in a Choir and that your dad was a singer. 
I can assure you - it definitely does not sound nerdy that you love to sing. I think it's absolutely lovely.


----------



## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> Proposals from women??  Wow, that's nuts. I don't think I'd ever be able to propose to a man honestly.


I was told by a very sweet 16 yo virgin that "Momma says we can get married even if daddy dosn't like you"....She and a friends sister had tricked me into dating her, and we became quite close for almost a year.....

I was dating her and my now wife at the time (My now wife had also suggested marriage at that time)....I would have been a good first lover for her, but slowly backed out of the relationship leaving it unconsumated....

I had already decided on my wife.... I was 18 at the time, married at 19....still married to same woman 47 years later.......Ah the good old days


----------



## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> I recommend this book Primal Blueprint generally, although I do not recommend his exercise ideas.


Hey Mach,

Not to threadjack here or anything, but I've got a question for you....

I switched to the low carb thing a year or so ago and it has been nothing short of a miracle for me. 

I do a lot of low rep high weight lifting, usually 1.5 hours three times a week. The hormone balancing has been the best benefit but gaining muscle is what I want.

Seems like low-rep high-weight workouts are very similar to the Paleo/Primal ideas, what do you disagree with in the Primal blueprint exercise suggestions?

Would you mind elaborating?

Great info btw, packed into a very short synopsis. It's taken me a lot of time to learn what you've said in a few short posts.


----------



## BaxJanson (Apr 4, 2013)

I hear where you're coming from - very similar, myself. I lucked out and stumbled into theatre. Still have plenty of lonliness, but getting out in front of an audience, with my lines rehearesed, the responses carefully scripted out and practiced, the team atmosphere with the cast... The knowledge that I can pour my heart into admitting anything I want while on stage, and everyone will congratulate me for being a skilled liar while a few friends have me figured out and know exactly how honest I'm being is very freeing. I've told girls I loved them and couldn't live without them, been consumed with fury, lonliness, fear, dispair, joy and glee, shared my thoughts and wisdom, supported loyal friends... and all without a shred of rejection or recoiling. It's very theraputic.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> Well you could give me one of those! I'm thinking of buying another guitar. Mine has nylon strings...sounds good with some songs, but I'd rather have a steel stringed acoustic with an amp.
> 
> I'd be lucky to be able to play for even 3 hours a week! I have two small kids and I'm in full time school. But I do try to get in as much time as possible considering.
> 
> How long has it been since you've played? I'm sure it would come back to you pretty quick.


I could get pretty good in 6 months, playing about 1 hour per day. I've been out of it since 1996 when I started my former company. Can you do 30 minutes? 

I know you're gearing up for divorce right now, but you might want to check out Carvin for a decent, very affordable acoustic/electric.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Disenchanted said:


> Hey Mach,
> 
> Not to threadjack here or anything, but I've got a question for you....


well, it's advice about life, so I guess it's not a thread jack.



Disenchanted said:


> I switched to the low carb thing a year or so ago and it has been nothing short of a miracle for me.
> 
> I do a lot of low rep high weight lifting, usually 1.5 hours three times a week. The hormone balancing has been the best benefit but gaining muscle is what I want.
> 
> ...


Those methods will certainly work as will high volume methods. Even Crossfit will work if you don't mind the time out for injury healing. It's just that I personally prefer High Intensity Training (HIT), primarily because of my experience with injuries, you really need to be extra-dumb to get hurt with HIT, and the overall "metabolic conditioning" factor with HIT. It's one thing to get injured playing your sport, but if you get injured in the weight room that's bad and totally avoidable. I also really like the fact that a week's worth of work takes about 45 minutes.

It's interesting to me that HIT conferences often has Mark Sisson, author of Primal Blueprint as a speaker, because there is much interest in his dietary ideas in HIT circles. 

If I was on the juice, I would up my volume, but being a natural lifter, recovery is a big thing. Mike Mentzer, Dorian Yates, Casey Viator, were the champion bodybuilders who used some form of essentially HIT training and reached the top tier.



Disenchanted said:


> Great info btw, packed into a very short synopsis. It's taken me a lot of time to learn what you've said in a few short posts.


Thanks. And, you're doing the right thing in focusing on muscle mass. Sarcopenia sets in after 25 and big time at 50. The more mass you build and retain, the better off you are.


----------



## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> I could get pretty good in 6 months, playing about 1 hour per day. I've been out of it since 1996 when I started my former company. Can you do 30 minutes?
> 
> I know you're gearing up for divorce right now, but you might want to check out Carvin for a decent, very affordable acoustic/electric.


What kind of company did you start? I could fit in 30 minutes a day to play. It would probably do me some good actually. It gets my mind off of life's stresses, and helps me focus on something other than my redundant lifestyle. 

Carvin guitars are really nice. I would love to get something like that.


----------



## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

somethingelse said:


> What kind of company did you start? I could fit in 30 minutes a day to play. It would probably do me some good actually. It gets my mind off of life's stresses, and helps me focus on something other than my redundant lifestyle.
> 
> Carvin guitars are really nice. I would love to get something like that.


Typically, you will be quite good in two years with 30 minutes a day and continuously learning new chords and licks. Youtube is a phenomenal resource that we didn't have.

I was in the historical clothing business. Did a lot of work with films, museums, reenactors, etc. The economic distress and cheap imports finished it off, but it was a fun 15 years. To paraphrase JFK: a falling tide grounds all boats.


----------



## Curse of Millhaven (Feb 16, 2013)

Zulnex said:


> Hello everyone.
> Well, after a long and very careful consideration, I have decided to share my issues and ask for your advice.
> I am a 30 year old male and I have always been very shy and quiet. I never made any friends and I have never been in a relationship. When I was in high school/college, I just focused on my studies.
> In college, classmates wanted me to break out of my "bubble" and be their friend. I was described as a sweet and kind guy who was just way too shy and quiet.
> ...


I know this is an oldish thread, but I wanted to offer support and tell you I am sorry for what you have suffered. I had severe social anxiety as a child to the point that I even suffered from "selective mutism", which means I could speak but elected not to. I had a pretty rough childhood and, as is often the case, I internalized a lot of what I witnessed and what happened to me. My social anxiety and depression deeply affected all aspects of my life and while I'm not "cured" (I realize this is a life long affliction that I have to contend with) my social anxiety is much improved (although depression not so much). 

Honestly the thing that helped the most with my social anxiety was repeated exposure to situations that were anxiety producing...social gatherings, public presentations (for work), and simply being around people and accepting social invitations helped tremendously. When dealing with others I still blush so deeply I feel like I'm going to pass out and giving presentations makes me literally shake, but I'm no longer crippled by it...I get through it just fine.

Talk therapy, specifically cognitive behavioral therapy, helps a lot and group therapy is good too. Just remember you are not alone in feeling alone and anxious...there are others that can relate and it can get better. Take care.


----------

