# Husband stops in the middle of sex



## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

Last night, and this has happened more than once, my husband stopped in the middle of sex, because he was uninterested. This seem so happen every other time we have sex... and we only have sex twice a month, if that. 

Me and my husband have only been married for about a year and a half. He's 28, and I'll be 26 shortly. 

I definitely want it more often, but he doesn't. However, I've caught him looking at porn numerous times, chatting with girls online (which he says is harmless... they are in different states), and I've caught him telling some of his friends just bad things about me. 
Like, I get on his nerves, I don't know what I'm doing with my life, etc. 
To set the stage: I graduated from college about 3 years ago, but hate my job, so I decided to go back to school (which we both agreed was the right thing to do). My husband also started to go to school as well about 2 years ago. for the past 3 years, which at the beginning is when I met my (now) husband, he stopped working and I supported us both. I also clean the house, mow the lawn, pay the bills, take care of the house, take care of the one car we have (oil changes, putting gas in it, etc.). I also cook all the meals, do the grocery shopping, and wash his clothes. 

On top of all that I feel I do, I have told him a few times (during a few very heated arguements), that I want him to help me out more. I also said I don't want to have children with him until things change (because about 6months ago, he started to push for us trying to start having kids). 

Just 3 months ago he started working part time. but everything else is the same. 
Our sex life in the beggining was great. But then he started to turn me down I'd say 8 times out of 10, right before we got married. Ever since marriage, it's gone downhill (which is when I started to catch the porn as well). 

I don't know what to do. I just need some advice, and am wondering, am I wrong here? 

Also to note: I've been dealing with depression lately over the last 2 months, mostly due to our situation. I've told my husband I want to see a marriage counselor, but he told me that I need to see a counselor becauase i"m the one with the problems. 

Am I wrong here? If I am, I need to hear it from more than just him. If not, and he's 'wrong', then what should I do? 
I just feel stuck. =(
(also, I'm not selfish at all during sex, I make it about him...I'm also pretty in shape, and I've tried to come on to him in loving ways and a little more aggressive ways.)


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Sounds like he's just not that into you and thank god you said no to the kids. I wonder what happened to cool his feelings toward you. You say it happened right before you got married. Why did you go through with it if you knew he'd changed?


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## marriedguy (Nov 7, 2009)

Maybe he is looking for more effort from you..like not just be open to sex but maybe he wants you to try to spice it up..wants you initiating..

If thats not the case..then he is just not interested..or hes being selfish..but you guys need to talk about this..you need to ask him why he stops..and what you can do to change it..commucation is the key...

I think hes lucky to be married to someone who wants sex alot..


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He's got a mommy, two actually, his real mommy and you. But unless you're into Greek drama, having with his mommy probably isn't that interesting to him.

Seriously your relationship is parent-child not wife-husband.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

marriedguy said:


> Maybe he is looking for more effort from you..like not just be open to sex but maybe he wants you to try to spice it up..wants you initiating..
> 
> If thats not the case..then he is just not interested..or hes being selfish..but you guys need to talk about this..you need to ask him why he stops..and what you can do to change it..commucation is the key...
> 
> I think hes lucky to be married to someone who wants sex alot..


I just can't believe this post. This woman is dong every thing and you think the solution is that she should spice things up too!! Please read over the post again and tell me if there is any thing in this relationship that is meeting her needs? And how would giving this self- centered disloyal aaaahole yet more will do anything for her. 

Spicy sex for a man does not make marriage, women are not living their lives constantly thinking up way to keep their husbands entertained by sex acts. It does not work that way. A relationship between a mature man and woman is an exchange of satisfactions. This man is not entitled to a housekeeper, cook, and sex slave, mommie and whipping boy which is the nature of this relationship. 

If you have a hard time seeing that - read it over again and pit your self in the womens shoes and see if you would put forth one bit of effort for this abusuve man. Sorry to be so strong but your blindness astounds me and your assumption that the problems this couple has can be solved by more sexual entertaient from the woman. any suggestions about what her abusive husband should do for her or is her unhappiness immaterial. 



You have had the misfortune to marry a selfish emotionally abusive man. It will only get worse in time. You probably dont know it but, Only an immature man would allow you to give and give and feel no impitus to give back. This is not normal. When a normal man falls in love, he thrives on what he can do to make his beloved happy and he lives to get back from her. Your man is incapable of giving anything he is a taker. 

Stop everything you are doing for him it will not make him love you, in fact he will disrespect you more as you give more. So stop now. Why do you want to stay with this man? He is so toxic that you should run away. You have no children, you are well educated and young, look at the men around you and see what you could have if you got rid of this slug. 

Your reading assignment is to read the following book from cover to cover "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship" Mira Kirshenbaum. Report back in two days with your plan of action. 

You give too much in this relationship, it is common for women to do this and as you can see from some of your responses common for some men to expect it. To attract a mature man in your next relationship, work on your self esteem and boundary setting. Mature men want a woman they can do for, they lose attraction for a woman who gives too much. You manage to attract losers who cannot love or give to a woman these men are looking for mothers not partners.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Catherine602 said:


> You have had the misfortune to marry a selfish emotionally abusive man. It will only get worse in time. You probably dont know it but, Only an immature man would allow you to give and give and feel no impitus to give back. This is not normal. When a normal man falls in love, he thrives on what he can do to make his beloved happy and he lives to get back from her. Your man is incapable of giving anything he is a taker.


I think I'm with you I think this guy is a first rate [email protected] Who *****es to other women about their wives, stops in the middle of sex and blames everything on her. He should not be married. He knew he felt this way before marriage but married anyway. Loser and I agree this probably won't get better. He's too selfish.


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

Thanks for all the responses. I will definitely be looking into that book! thanks for the recommendation. 

I went through and married him though because I love him and thought maybe it was just nervousness about the wedding. I have loved him right from the start and I feel like I always will love him. He's really the first person that showed me he cares... I mean, on a daily basis, we are fine (at least on the surface) and we do hug a lot. 
(no kissing really though, except for a few pecks). I know that sounds really lame, but I guess it's this small thing that I'm holding on to. ..... that is really lame now that I wrote that out, isn't it? =/

And as for the "parent-child" relationship, I've thought that before too, and I think a friend said the same thing to me a few months ago. =( 
It's sad because I see him having so much potential....and I just LOVE him, so so much. I have a hard time seeing my life without him.... but I feel this is a long time coming, sort of thing. 
Even though like I said, we are okay on the surface everyday, there also isn't a day that goes by without a fight. 

Honestly, thanks for advise though, I do appreciate it! ... and I'll follow up on that book =)


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

Catherine602: That book was really good! 
Unfortunately...I went through it and got about 50% positive answers and 50% negative answers....
I guess my plan of action is to go and see a therapist. 
Right now I'll be seeing one just on my own, and maybe down the road I'll have my husband come with me. 

That book sort of scared me! haha...some of those answers though, it was like, "wow, that negative answer came way too quick!" 
but there were quite a few positives I guess that make me feel like maybe I still need to try. ....I have to admit though that the last question, I answered "no" to.... and well, when the book says that most people who answer no to that one, are happier they left and unhappy they stayed... well.... That sort of scared the crap out of me! 
I guess I just feel that I still need to try because of the positives that the book pointed out. 

Thanks for recommendation =)


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

You are being treated like a doormat.

He stops in the middle of sex not because of anything you did or did not do, but because he does not value you you.

He does not value you because he sees women as being interchangable, and does not care for your feelings, that is why he watches porn and chats to other women yet ignores the woman he's supposed to love.

Leave him now before you have wasted another few years on this man (if you could call him that).


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