# What do women really want



## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

What do women really want?
I am looking for the female perception of course.

I am openly honest.
If the guys want to go out, I always ask her if she would like to join us and if she would prefer to do something else then I will choose what she wants.
I am heavily into dirtbikes, ATV etc. I never buy one in the event she would like her own.
I have a motorcycle and bought her one to learn on if she wished.
I have a boat, now it is only a speed boat but I am looking at getting a larger one with sleeping quarters so we can go out on the ocean and spend nights.
When home I cook, laundry everything.
I work out regularly am very muscular with very little body fat. I do this and keep this shape not only for my job but also as a sign to her that hey I want to look good for you.
She also works as an aerobics instructor so she is very fit as well.
I am a paramedic so my job takes me away most of the time so when I am home I setup date nights every Friday, movies with the kids on Saturdays and we usually have game nights as a family sundays.
Anything she wants I will give her and usually I read her face because she feels bad to ask.
I wake up every morning just to hear her voice or see her smile.
I would never cheat or lie or disrespect her in anyway.
Every time when making love I make sure she explodes and soaks the bed before I even put it in. 
She is a successful nurse and has good and bad days at work like us all. I tell her the option is there to quit if she is not happy no big deal we can easily afford to live off my cheque.
Like I do what I can and there is no limitations to what I will not try and do to make her happy.
Yet she rarely smiles.
She admits she is not happy but doesn't know why.

I do not understand women. I was raised to put your wife on a pedestal and she comes first no matter what. Anything you do is to be done with her best interests in mind. The only thing that I put myself first for is my job. I will not give up saving lives for another persons ego, that is a line that I draw firmly.

So what do you women want. You say doors held open and all this but yet when it's done you think we men are trying to size you up your butt you walk through. If we do not then we don't respect you. 

It's just frustrating.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Look, you sound like a great guy and partner.
If she is not happy--it appeas she is not happy WITH HERSELF. Which hsa nothing to do with you.
It's up to her to find her happiness and maintain it. 

If she is taking you for granted, that's one thing. If she just has a bad day sometimes, that's another. (We all have bad days).


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

No she openly says she is not happy with herself.
But I want to help her through it because it is just not working the way it is currently.
The bad day thing I understand. As you say we all have them.
But the bad days have gone from every 6 months to gradually every 3 then 6 months ago to weekly and the last month it has been daily.
I just want my wife back and I am not a person to discuss personal issues with anyone but her. I am here because I need the help, if it's me then I want to fix it. If it is her then I want to help her get through it before she throws it all away.
She says she wants it. She just fights it.
So what causes a person to not be happy with themselves?
She is so beautiful in my eyes.
She is everything I ever dreamed of.
She just cannot figure out why she is fighting it and I want to help even if we are through, I will be there for her if she needs me.
Again maybe that's the problem


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

this is sad It sounds like you two could have a really nice marriage if she wasn't depressed.She's a nurse,is it possible she has really bad job burnout but just doesn't want to admit it or quit?
maybe she's chemically depressed?


also,it doesn't seem like an issue of needing to take the default advice of "man up"...She really doesn't understand why she's depressed and it sounds like the two of you have talked openly about the issue.By the comment you made about making sure she explodes before you even attempt to enter her,you're having great sex too! 

We just get depressed sometimes,it could be hormonal,not everything has to do with manning up or being alpha. She should talk to a doctor.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

davew said:


> I do not understand women. *I was raised to put your wife on a pedestal and she comes first no matter what. * Anything you do is to be done with her best interests in mind.


That's your problem. Get a copy of this book and start reading.


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

I do not know to be honest.
She will not talk. When we try it ends up in fights because she makes excuses for it instead of dealing with it.
I have a different outlook than most people on stuff due to my job.
I deal with everything head on and if someone is not comfortable I am the personality to say snap out of it grow up and deal with it. That is also a problem, if your really not well and you got suck it up buttercup in your face saying talk about it lets deal with it and fix it and you are unsure then you feel pressured and lie.
Now it's blown out of proportion and all hell is hitting the fan.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

davew said:


> I do not know to be honest.
> She will not talk. When we try it ends up in fights because she makes excuses for it instead of dealing with it.
> I have a different outlook than most people on stuff due to my job.
> I deal with everything head on and if someone is not comfortable I am the personality to say snap out of it grow up and deal with it. That is also a problem, if your really not well and you got suck it up buttercup in your face saying talk about it lets deal with it and fix it and you are unsure then you feel pressured and lie.
> Now it's blown out of proportion and all hell is hitting the fan.


ah ok,from your first post it sounded like you were discussing things openly.

It's possible your way of dealing with things is making her not want to talk.Have you tried counseling together yet?


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

I may have a read about the book but if it is gong to tell me that I cannot put my wife first and try to make everyday of her life the most important than I will not finish it. No offense but the last person I picked up was arguing with his wife over what they were having for supper and he went off the road. Wife dead, he will never walk again. I do not wish to experience that. I know it's not all happy go lucky but whatever I can do to make her 100% happy, I want to do.


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

I try to be open and she says she is open until it comes time to discuss.
I want her to talk, I want to be there.
Counselling I am open to but she says it is not relationship issues so it won't help.
I basically put it all out there in this thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...60672-i-have-never-been-so-stuck-my-life.html

I love her to death, I will be honest but this is killing us and we both agree on that part.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

First of all, you're not home enough to make any marriage work in my opinion,7 days a month is ridiculous.

Is it possible she has someone outside the marriage?


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

I say no...I hope.
I work an hour away from home and stay on base when I am there.
She comes in every weekend and stays when she is off.
As far as being gone to much.
Last year xmas morning I was not home. It killed me.
I received a call for a grandfather that fell and had a heart attack in front of his grandchildren when they were opening presents.
Luckily and it does not happen often we got him back.
It is why I do this job. I have one son in college currently for it and the other is fully interested as well.
It's a sacrifice but someone has to do it and my family has been raised understanding that if someone needs help I want to be there.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

davew said:


> I may have a read about the book but if it is gong to tell me that I cannot put my wife first and try to make everyday of her life the most important than I will not finish it. No offense but the last person I picked up was arguing with his wife over what they were having for supper and he went off the road. Wife dead, he will never walk again. I do not wish to experience that. I know it's not all happy go lucky but whatever I can do to make her 100% happy, I want to do.


Look, the point, whether you read the book or not, is that your wife shouldn't be on a pedestal. She should be at your side. Yes, you want her to be great everyday, but the thing is, YOU can't guarantee that... only SHE can. SHE has to make the decision to be happy or not. No matter how much you do the dishes, no matter how much you fold the clothes, no matter how many orgasms she has... if she isn't happy, there is NOTHING you can do to MAKE her happy. I think that's the gist of MMSL. If I am wrong, I am sure someone can correct me.

My guess is that your wife wants to be OFF that pedestal and wants you to do SOMETHING for yourself. I don't mean like going away every weekend with the guys, but to pick something FOR YOU, which isn't contingent on whether she may or may not enjoy doing it at some point in the future. Seriously, I may get reamed for this, but reading the description you gave of what you do for/with her all the time... *I* felt smothered! And I'm not even a part of it! Just try doing something without her for a change. You might see a change in her... a positive one, at that.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Due to the fact this has been progressing and becoming more of an issue, I think marriage counseling would be important. If it IS depression (which it sounds like) then they could help with that.

She may be hesitant because nurses on meds is a bit of a touchy subject - she might be concerned that it would negatively impact her job.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

don't put me on a pedestal - treat me like an equal


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

I work away from home where she is responsible for everything 3 out of 4 weeks. My job is my something for me. It is one thing that I love that I will end the marriage over with no hesitations.
I just want to be the person to help put a smile on her face. If that's hey hun sit down and spend time with the kids, read a book, go shopping do what u want I will handle everything on this end so it's not piling up on you.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Ok, I just saw your other thread... and this isn't about that at all. She cheated when you were younger. And then, even AFTER you were married, you GAVE HER PERMISSION to do it again! To "get it out of her system"... WTF WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!

She's not happy because she wants to live the single life again. That's plain from the other thread...


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

Maybe pedestal is the wrong word. 
She is a woman I love very very much
I will do anything to help make her life easier


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Ok, I just saw your other thread... and this isn't about that at all. She cheated when you were younger. And then, even AFTER you were married, you GAVE HER PERMISSION to do it again! To "get it out of her system"... WTF WERE YOU THINKING?!?!?!?!
> 
> She's not happy because she wants to live the single life again. That's plain from the other thread...


I don't know wtf I was thinking.
I just wanted her to be happy and us happy


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

davew said:


> I don't know wtf I was thinking.
> I just wanted her to be happy and us happy


Allowing your spouse to cheat on you is NOT the way to make your marriage happy. Her hooking up with other men, and it being "ok" ended when you two became serious. Even if you were somewhat "ok" with it before you married, it most DEFINITELY is not ok after you marry, unless you agree to an open marriage... or if you enjoy being a cuckold.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

You're equating what women want and what your wife wants as the same thing. It sounds like you're doing everything right. She sounds depressed, which isn't a woman or man thing. Does she know how much you love and care for her? how concerned you are? that you'd do anything for her to put a smile on her face. this is heartbreaking. hang in there with her and help her through it. find another doctor. find the right meds.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Flip the equation ...

You have her on a pedestal and want to do whatever is in your power to make her happy.

What if the thing you need to do to enable her 'happiness' is to let her go? 

You prepared to do that?

You're trying waaay too hard, with little to no success, and your formula of 'try harder' will only make things fail faster.

You cannot make your partner happy. You can certainly behave in a manner that contributes to your partners happiness and well being, but you don't own it. Not in good times, nor in bad.

Dial back on what you are doing. Learn about doing some things differently. Given that infidelity has already been part of the equation, you need to seriously reconsider your options.


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

IslandGirl3 said:


> You're equating what women want and what your wife wants as the same thing. It sounds like you're doing everything right. She sounds depressed, which isn't a woman or man thing. Does she know how much you love and care for her? how concerned you are? that you'd do anything for her to put a smile on her face. this is heartbreaking. hang in there with her and help her through it. find another doctor. find the right meds.


Yes she knows. I am a very open person with that stuff. I love to fight and turned professional at age 22. She says she doesn't see why I want her or how she deserves me. She sees the women at tournaments, in work and in stores making comments and stuff. I laugh it off and pay no attention. This gets to her and I see it on her face but I cannot control it. I try to do my best by I guess overcompensating in many situations so show her. If I didn't want her I wouldn't be with her. She knows how much I want her and she knows after 10 years of being married when things really began to go south I have been trying to talk, help her in everyway and I ask constantly what can I do to help. I really think she knows how I feel for her. Everyone around us does and everyone says I should walk. The problem is they say it to her as well and this complicates things because she believes it. She isn't seeing my side and when I try to explain it she doesn't believe it and causes trouble. I don't know my heads just gone.


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Flip the equation ...
> 
> You have her on a pedestal and want to do whatever is in your power to make her happy.
> 
> ...


If it means she is truly happy then yes I will walk. 
I guess I a used to taking care of things and finding fixes and I feel useless in not being able to find the fix for this one.
Options are hard at this point. I love her to death but I cannot continue as we are. It's a hard decision because she is fighting the walk away part but not assisting in the fix.
In my head although I say this I don't know if I truly believe it with regards to the infidelity. It's a different vibrator if there was no emotion I will deal with it as long as it don't happen again. That's all I can offer but I do want it fixed one way or another as all this has gone on too long and it's affecting our friendship now which is something that I would atleast hope to hold on to.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

davew said:


> If it means she is truly happy then yes I will walk.
> I guess I a used to taking care of things and finding fixes and I feel useless in not being able to find the fix for this one.
> Options are hard at this point. I love her to death but I cannot continue as we are. It's a hard decision because she is fighting the walk away part but not assisting in the fix.
> In my head although I say this I don't know if I truly believe it with regards to the infidelity. It's a different vibrator if there was no emotion I will deal with it as long as it don't happen again. That's all I can offer but I do want it fixed one way or another as all this has gone on too long and it's affecting our friendship now which is something that I would atleast hope to hold on to.


ok i seriously had my advice wrong...reading more about what you have to say about your marriage and your wife,it sounds like maybe you do need to start learning better boundaries and manning up might be what you need to do. 

I thought you were just a nice guy...reading further tells me you're a doormat.That needs to change before you do anything about your wife's depression.


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

Well I try not to be but yes when it comes to her I am. I know that.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

davew said:


> It's a hard decision because she is fighting the walk away part but not assisting in the fix.


Just be self aware, and pay attention. I'm not telling you your wife is cheating on you. But I will tell you in no uncertain terms, that the circumstance you describe above sets the stage for an affair.


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## davew (Nov 13, 2012)

Deejo said:


> Just be self aware, and pay attention. I'm not telling you your wife is cheating on you. But I will tell you in no uncertain terms, that the circumstance you describe above sets the stage for an affair.


I have my tracks covered.
She signed paperwork stating no entitlement to anything.
I have full custody of my kids.
If or when she leaves she takes nothing more than the clothes on her back.
The ball is basically in her court. I live my life, I still include her in anything I am doing if she wishes.
When I am home I run the house as basically just me and the kids ie dishes, laundry, cooking etc.
So my transition is a very easy one at this point. 
The oldest cooks cleans the whole thing and he is very responsible when it comes to his younger brother.
I fluked into that one but it is a bonus.
I have all my i's dotted and t's crossed.
It is now decision time and one that I have made in recent months in telling her it's over but she just doesn't leave.
I am 5'7" and 185 lbs no fat. She is 5'0 and 97 lbs. If I physically remove her I am screwed. 
If I call the cops to do it while I am gone the boys will be embarrassed.
All she has to do is open up and we will work on whatever it is to repair our relationship. If not then unfortunately I have to either goto court and say I was not physically harming her when pushing her out the door or embarrass my children when cops show up to remove her.
I keep putting both off seeing as no good comes from either and I keep asking why but all I get is bs on you deserve better. I think her parents should be shot for instilling this your worth nothing mentatily. When we were young it was cut and lets be honest I was a kid and I loved the I make the decisions bs. We got married had children bought houses and now I want her input as we are a couple but her insecurities turn into half truths and arguments. Then I pushed harder with lawyers and custody and now it's a **** show. But don't get me wrong she is beautiful, her normal personality is the greatest. She really is an amazing person it's just wtf this I don't even know you anymore or why would you say something like that attention seeking bs is no longer working for me.
That sounds harsh, I apologize but during her lunch hour she just called and I said look if you were a guy I'd put you in a body cast for 6 months, this has to stop. The reply. I think you should do it to smarten me up. Like WTF, that is not the answer, that is not a fix, that is honey I'm frustrated and am losing it not a hey lets try this as a fix to make us better. arrrggghhhh.


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## TCSRedhead (Oct 17, 2012)

She sees you're a doormat and won't do anything to challenge her behavior. 'You shoudl do it to smarten me up' is proof of that and disrespectful. 

She knows you have allowed her to cheat before and is hoping if she is unhappy enough again, that will be an option. She doesn't want to leave, she's got a pretty darned good situation.

File, serve her with papers and if she won't leave the property send the kids to a friend/family and call the authorities.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

davew said:


> Well I try not to be but yes when it comes to her I am. I know that.


Well if you know it then why are you here complaining? Either stop being her doormat or move on.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)




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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

davew said:


> What do women really want?
> I am looking for the female perception of course.
> 
> I am openly honest.
> ...


Replying to this post but have not read the other replies yet.

First you need to rule out depression. If your wife is clinically depressed, it is an illness - very treatable. Nothing will make her happy if she has this illness.

You are asking for opinions from women. I will only speak for myself.

I do not want anyone to put me on a pedestal. I am a grown woman not dependent on anyone. I do not want anyone to bend over backwards to please me.

The above would seriously annoy me.

Going to read the rest of your post...............


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

You sound codependent. You need to read that book. Is it going to hurt you to read it? Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting something different to happen. I have seen lots of men on TAM turn their marriages around dramatically from following the advice in MMSL. Would you rather be right or happy? 

Other issue is this. You know what the divorce rate is for paramedics, EMTs, fire fighters and cops. It sucks but it's really hard to have a marriage working those hours, being on call, missing Xmas. No matter what you do that issue is always going to be there. To have a good marriage you need to spend 15 hours a week together. She probably is lonely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

davew said:


> I have my tracks covered.
> She signed paperwork stating no entitlement to anything.
> I have full custody of my kids.
> If or when she leaves she takes nothing more than the clothes on her back.
> ...


You have an extremely dysfunctional marriage.

You "joke" about putting her in a body cast & having her physcially removed from her home by the police.

Seriously?

No disrespect, but are you a controlling man? Are you abusive?


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## I dunno (Nov 14, 2012)

You sound very mechanical, your wife is upset about something and you've just have to sit down and talk about things. It must be upsetting for the kids too, so try and sort things out and get along as much as possible for their sakes. Listening is the hardest thing to do and people are so occupied with their own life's, it can take forever to understand what's really being said. Good luck.


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## Dubya (Oct 2, 2012)

You abandoned your other thread... You are being unrealistic in your expectations. Your marriage is not magical, it's not as resilient as you think. 

Do you want the best chance to make your marriage work or do you want someone to validate your fairy tale ideas that you can have a meaningful, intimate relationship while being gone 75% of the time?

Anyway, good luck.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Stop trying to do everything and especially trying to "fix" her. If she's going to talk, you need to listen. No suggestions, advice, or start trying to fix. Just listen. And find things to do for yourself, take up a hobby of some sort.


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## Michie (Aug 26, 2012)

Your marriage and family first comes first, check!

Do not put wife in pedestal, eventually you may come to realize she falls short of a uncontainable standard, and she should your wife is not perfect. Honor, cherish love and respect. That us want your wife wants, what all women want and require to flourish in marriages.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ManUp (Nov 25, 2012)

davew said:


> What do women really want?
> I am looking for the female perception of course.
> 
> I am openly honest.
> ...


Wow....hey Mr. Nice Guy....grow a pair. 

If you want to go out with your friends, go out with your friends. Not just because she's okay with. 
If you want to buy a dirtbike, and can afford it, then buy one. 
Sell the motorcycle you bought for her if she's not using it. 

And for heaven's sake, stop doing things like working out and expecting her to fawn all over you for it. 
You workout for your benefit, not hers. 

And take her off that pedestal. That is an impossible standard for her to live up to. Say no to her once in a while. Her life is boring because you just give in and allow her whatever she wants. 

Get this book.... http://nomoremrniceguy.com/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> I was raised to put your wife on a pedestal and she comes first no matter what.


Well, you got suckered on that... Hard... 
Another thing is that if you are going to ask women what women want you are dead meat. Go at it scientifically. Instead of listening to what they say/write, look at what they do. There is a huge difference. Machiavelli gave you a good book to read, and you're one of those guys who really need it.


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

costa200 said:


> Well, you got suckered on that... Hard...
> Another thing is that if you are going to ask women what women want you are dead meat. Go at it scientifically. Instead of listening to what they say/write, look at what they do. There is a huge difference. Machiavelli gave you a good book to read, and you're one of those guys who really need it.


Costa, does that mean that a woman should not ask the men of the forum what they want? Because they don't REALLY know? I'm really curious.


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## old pilot (Oct 9, 2012)

Money, Money, Money


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

old pilot said:


> Money, Money, Money


WRONG! I'd live off the land if I could. 

What I want is my husband(which I have). He's a loyal family man with honor and integrity. I want to make him and our children happy, especially by cooking fantastic foods for them.


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## Weathered (Dec 15, 2009)

Everyone's wants are needs are different. You will only found out what your spouses' needs are by asking her, studying her and knowing her better. Start there before asserting that your mechanical way of loving your spouse is enough and you don't know what else a woman could want...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

davew said:


> I have a different outlook than most people on stuff due to my job.
> I deal with everything head on and if someone is not comfortable I am the personality to say snap out of it grow up and deal with it. That is also a problem, if your really not well and you got suck it up buttercup in your face saying talk about it lets deal with it and fix it and you are unsure then you feel pressured and lie.
> Now it's blown out of proportion and all hell is hitting the fan.


I think she is hearing this as well, its her problem so she just needs to suck it up.


davew said:


> Counselling I am open to but she says it is not relationship issues so it won't help.


The view that she probably has is that its a personality difference, which is in turn causing the relationship problems. If one person is dead set against change all the MC in the world won't help. 



davew said:


> I work away from home where she is responsible for everything 3 out of 4 weeks. My job is my something for me. It is one thing that I love that I will end the marriage over with no hesitations.
> I just want to be the person to help put a smile on her face. If that's hey hun sit down and spend time with the kids, read a book, go shopping do what u want I will handle everything on this end so it's not piling up on you.


She's hearing loud and clear that she and your relationship are secondary to your calling. She needs more crumbs of your time. Obviously one twelve weeks a year are not cutting it for her. 


davew said:


> I have my tracks covered.
> She signed paperwork stating no entitlement to anything.
> I have full custody of my kids.
> If or when she leaves she takes nothing more than the clothes on her back.
> ...


So when she tries to talk to you, its attention seeking bullsh1t. You've made it plain with your signed paperwork that you own her, she is basically in the relationship with the clothes on her back as long as she flies right, sucks it up, and doesn't disrupt your at home time once a month.

From what you've posted in this thread you are ready to put her out, you want her gone, you don't seem to care about her happiness despite what you say about wanting her to be happy. And threatening to put her in a body cast? Nice.


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## LastUnicorn (Jul 10, 2012)

OK read the other post, not much clarity there on her end. The only thing I can guess is that she is trying to get your attention. And either has said or is afraid to say what she is really going through. 

From the very real actions you took with cutting her out and getting custody of the kids honestly it sounds really cold and heartless. That's just my perspective. Ever considered perhaps she views it the same way?


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## srena200 (Jul 13, 2009)

Weathered said:


> *Everyone's wants are needs are different. You will only found out what your spouses' needs are by asking her, studying her and knowing her better.*
> 
> I'm with Weathered on this one. You cannot generalize and ask what women want and put them all in a collective box as is each woman has the same set of desires, needs, and wants. I want a man that cooks, but I'm not going to get it. So we compromise. I cook but whenever I need a break my husband is more than happy to get take out or take us out to dinner. If she is unhappy and does not know why - that is not your job to discover - it is her job to reflect, perhaps see a counselor, maybe take a short seperation and step back and look at the big picture. Maybe what she wants is "OUT"!


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

davew said:


> I work away from home where she is responsible for everything 3 out of 4 weeks. My job is my something for me. *It is one thing that I love that I will end the marriage over with no hesitations*.
> I just want to be the person to help put a smile on her face. If that's hey hun sit down and spend time with the kids, read a book, go shopping do what u want I will handle everything on this end so it's not piling up on you.


If your wife knows that then you’ve possibly opened your door to a world of pain through your wife’s passive aggression. Tell a woman that sort of thing and she’ll either leave you or hurt you big time.

You will have made her feel exceedingly insignificant in your eyes and have done great damage to her self-esteem.

Plus that single statement of yours puts everything else about your love for your wife right into the shadows.



Your "no hesitations" will make your wife feel worthless in your eyes no matter what else you tell her.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Right now I want(need) some really good lovin from my hubby. 3 days a week average is not enough.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

davew said:


> I work away from home where she is responsible for everything 3 out of 4 weeks. My job is my something for me. It is one thing that I love that I will end the marriage over with no hesitations.
> I just want to be the person to help put a smile on her face. If that's hey hun sit down and spend time with the kids, read a book, go shopping do what u want I will handle everything on this end so it's not piling up on you.


I'd be extremely depressed too, if I had a husband who was away that much and admitted that he would end our marriage rather then give up his very unsuitable job.

What you have done is made her a very low priority, and told her tough. She is pretty much a single mum. 

I personally think any job that takes a person away from the marriage that much is not conducive to a good healthy connected marriage. And you are not even open to compromise.

What you are doing is damaging to your marriage and leaving it vulnerable. JMO


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Also OP you say you threaten her with lawyers and custody.

Fact is your job wouldn't allow you to get custody. It sounds like you manipulate her with threats and that is deceptive. Even if she signed something, you have since had children and both contributed to the marriage.


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## Dubya (Oct 2, 2012)

I do think OP is around. Maybe we can only expect him to be here 25% of the time too. 

Meh... I think this thread is a waste of time. He's gonna hear what he wants.

Out


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

I haven't read all the responses but it's obvious to me that you and your wife don't spend enough time together. That's the main problem IMO.


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## FalconKing (Aug 8, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> I'd be extremely depressed too, if I had a husband who was away that much and admitted that he would end our marriage rather then give up his very unsuitable job.
> 
> What you have done is made her a very low priority, and told her tough. She is pretty much a single mum.
> 
> ...


It's soooooooooooo obvious this.


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## Paulination (Feb 6, 2012)

davew said:


> I do not understand women. I was raised to put your wife on a pedestal and she comes first no matter what.


I was the same as you and it almost killed my marriage. The only difference is our occupations and my wife is a SAHM.

I was the husband that most women say they would love to have. Good dad, good provider, godd lover etc...

and that bought me "I'm not happy anymore"

So after a few months of hell and pain trying to figure it out I emerged a different husband. She is no longer on a pedistal as I forced myself to see her as she truly is...just a woman. Is is sad because she used to be so much more than that but the higher I elevated her, the more she lost respect for me.

So now I don't do everything around the house. I don't ask where she is going or who she talks to. If she has a soccer game that runs late, I don't ask her to check in. Nothing.

I act happy and for the most part I am but I have had to disconnect alot to protect myself so what happened earlier in the year will never affect me the same way again.

As for cheating, she never has but I have told her that if she does, we're over. No second chances. With that said, I don't worry about it.

She seems happier now too. Unbelievable that a women is happier being treated like a commoner instead of a queen.

EDIT: I just read his response where he says he's gone 3 out of 4 weeks..thats the problem.


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