# Roommates!!



## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

What are the positive and negative sides for being roommates with my ex for the sake of the kids?

You are welcome to add your input! Your opinion is needed! Thanks in advance
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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Lots of negatives, no positives that I can think of.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

LVS, I believe you already know the answer to that question. You know very well that you will be turning your kids' home back into the war zone it was for about 20 years, giving them a bad picture of marriage to remember the rest of their lives. At this point, I believe it is important you do what is in the best interests of your kids.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I don't know anymore what is the best! Even though we are civilly divorced BUT my exh is not going to live me alone as long as we are married in church. And this process is not going to end, especially after he responded by not accepting the case of annulment nor the judgment. Everything is going to start over and is going to take longer. He can make it take for ever.

Please reply! open to all suggestions!!! I need helpful thoughts i can't have clear mind!!


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Some friends agreed to the idea of having him as a roommate. One friend said he is the father of your kids and he is not going to leave you alone. You will have always to deal with each other so better to be in one house...

Another friend said you can do that it will help you financially plus you need to make agreement that he needs to sign and follow it while staying in your apartment.


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## GetTough (Jul 18, 2010)

LVS said:


> Some friends agreed to the idea of having him as a roommate. One friend said he is the father of your kids and he is not going to leave you alone. You will have always to deal with each other so better to be in one house...
> 
> Another friend said you can do that it will help you financially plus you need to make agreement that he needs to sign and follow it while staying in your apartment.


Anyone who threatens to commit suicide is not fully stable mentally. Do you want a mentally unstable person in your house with your kids? Remember - him killing himself if you DON'T take him in, is not the only possible outcome. Him killing himself AND you AND the kids if you DO take him in, is another possible outcome.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

bad idea


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

"And this process is not going to end, especially after he responded by not accepting the case of annulment nor the judgment."

So he has complete disrespect not only for you, but for the laws of your country. Not a guy I'd want in the house with my kids.

It also will prevent you from ever moving on, emotionally, romantically, financially.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

LVS said:


> Some friends agreed to the idea of having him as a roommate. One friend said he is the father of your kids and he is not going to leave you alone. You will have always to deal with each other so better to be in one house...
> 
> Another friend said you can do that it will help you financially plus you need to make agreement that he needs to sign and follow it while staying in your apartment.


Those friends are not friends, their words are cheap. If they are so concerned for your husband they can invite him to live with them.

How does this help you financially when he gambled his money away and is now in debt on his credit card. Stop listening to your friends they DO NOT have your best interests at heart.


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## ABeautifulDisaster (May 24, 2012)

I was going to post on your other thread but you re-routed me here. Glad I came to this one too because I did not know your story....granted I still do not but I do know it has encompassed the last 20 years. That keeps me from saying give him a chance. I imagine you already have. Plus he blames you. That can never end well. I cannot decide though from what I have read if you are truly done with this man. Are you? You know that better than me but at this point in time I honestly don't think he needs to live with you anymore than he does his family. It sounds to me like he needs an inpatient program to unravel all this mess he is carrying inside. I honestly don't think you are qualified. If he is that low and just absolutely that miserable he needs to save face and go see someone and to me him seeking help should be the first thing (and not just a visit or two while he lives with you) he needs to show you before you agree to this. He needs to do this regardless if you ask me. I get guilt but you will have more if he does something to your kids. I can't imagine him in this state being good for anyone. I hope you don't go there but I can tell you are considering it. Guilt or no guilt he is a work in progress but he needs to do some serious work one on one with a therapist before he ever darkens your doorway. That is just my opinion. Good luck.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

OK, so you have him as a roommate/father of the children. That part i can see.

However:

What happens when you want to date?
What happens when you find someone else?
What happens when you are both dating others and want to stay out all night?
What happens when you meet someone awesome and you have to say your ex is your roommate?
What happens when you want to be with someone else permanently and you then have to move out?

Too many things that stand in the way of your life. imo.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So he is going to harrass you because you were married in the church? So instead of doing what you can to stop the harrassment, you are giving in to him and going to be roommates? 

Really?

The two of you living in the same house is the same as being married. Why did you bother to divorce him.

How are you going to handle it when he brings girl freinds over? You cannot legally stop him from doing this. If he is your roommate, he has the right to bring ovr dates, have them in every room of the house except your bedroom and even have them sleep in his bedroom. ARe you ready for this?

Legally you cannot have him sign a paper and if he does not follow the house rules throw him out. Is he on the lease? The mortgage? if so you cannot throw him out.

Does he get mail at your house? If only your name is on the lease/mortgage, then you have to give him at least a 30 day notice. If he pays his part of the rent you cannot kick him out. You would need to check the renter's laws in your area.

Your friens have no idea what they are talking about.

If you do not have the strength to turn him away now, why would you have the strength to kick him out if you find the roommate situation hard to deal with?

Again, why did you bother to divorce him?


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

I've only read some of your story but it sounds like the friends want him off their hands and you're the fix

Stay strong x


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Very helpful thoughts thanks i was so scared because i felt myself dragged to a situation i am not able to deal with that's why i needed more support and different type of thoughts until i am able to think clearly.

For who wants to know more about my story, my original post is http://talkaboutmarriage.com/consid...ion/12611-28-years-marriage-what-ca-i-do.html

About dating !!! What you said that-girl make sense but after the Priest's phone call, last week, telling me that my exh is able to make the process of annulment last long very long time, i felt darkness around me, because even when i am emotionally ready I don't know how long i need to stay to put any other man in my life. And i know that as long as i am his wife in church he is not going to give up interrupting my peace.....

So when his brother and friend suggested the idea of the roommates and i was already overwhelmed and exhausted of everything in my life I felt that this is the only way left for me because i am tired and i can't do it anymore, i can't handle more fighting.
But when i got to the point where i felt that i am going to be dragged back to the past suffering, I came to TAM for RESCUE I was not able to think clearly anymore and i felt i am like a lamb taken to her destiny, DEATH!!! I didn't want to be helpless or hopeless and i am glad i came here.

Elegirl you made a good point too i don't know about the legal way.


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## YellowRoses (Jun 2, 2012)

Just this for you ((((()))))


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## ABeautifulDisaster (May 24, 2012)

My question is this....

What will his friend, brother and Priest say if he moves in with you and things don't go the way he has them in his head that they should go and he kills himself? 

Will they fix you? Your kids? I know that is rash but you are making a choice based on his totally irrational behavior. What he is doing is not only bad for him but it is bad for those around him. Do you want to expose your kids to that?

Wife in the church or not he has no right to defile your peace. None. He needs boundaries and if he can't manage to instill those in himself then you need to create your own and hold steadfast. 

You said you were exhausted and overwhelmed? I think this is only the beginning of that if you have to babysit this "roomie" for the next 28 years. Find another Priest to confide in....switch churches....what he said to you was wrong....do what YOU have to do for YOU....I understand you have your faith and I am not knocking that....I am saying that sanity comes first.....in anything...and you won't have any until you put up some rules about allowing his chaos kill your peace. If his faith is that strong he won't kill himself anyway. I guess I am crass but I think that is all just a line to get back in even more than he already has. If he wishes himself bodily harm seek out what you have to do to have him committed but don't commit yourself to him ever again.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

ABeautifulDisaster, Thanks for your time and input. I agree to a certain extent for what you said but unfortunately i can't change my church, I know worshiping God could be from anywhere and i respect all believes but i don't want to get out of my skin. I was born as Catholic. Also i can't let down my family and my kids by changing church, my CULTURE won't forgive that because for my church if i remarried without the annulment being granted i will be committing adultery.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

LVS,

You need to remove yourself from that living situation as soon as possible

I don't see any positives in this for you


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

Toffer I agree I wish I know the way to do so.....


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

You can look at this way..... you need to get a legal divorce if you want to marry someone else. It's nice for closoure's sake, really hard to move on without it.... but you can just separate and move on. Date other people. In a few years he might let go of the battle of the wills. 

It's kinda more important to get a legal separation in place, for support for the kids. The divorce is just "paperwork" to make you single and allow you to get married to someone else.

We are a Catholic family. My grandparents lived apart for 20 years. Never got divorced, neither re-married. Too afraid to even tell the church. But I know my grandfather dated a bit in his elder years after grandma passed away. Us kids never really noticed it, it wasn't until we were much older that it dawned on me "hey, how come they lived in different houses?". It was just the way it was.


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## LVS (Apr 5, 2010)

I do have civil divorce since February 2011
I started working since then to file for annulment in church with all the delay I was able to file it in November. But it is a long process..
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