# What is my wife thinking?



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

Thought I'd chime into the ladies' section for a moment.
Ok, it's been a week since my wife made it very clear that she's "done", and no longer wants to be intimate, because she doesn't want me to get "attached to her anymore. We've been together 15+ years, and I'm already attached ... but I can understand where she's coming from. 

She's been telling me for three months that she wants her freedom, but knows how much it will hurt me and our three children, and feels that she should stay for that sake. 
Of course, we've gone back and forth with it, and the usual tears, and rejection.

I am now at a point, where I feel I cannot change what she's feeling, and have pretty much accepted how she feels about us, and am just going about my business as usual.
I feel neither one of us, are in a financial, or emotional position to make the move (that she wants), so therefore, here we are.

Now here's the "kicker"....

Since I decided to back off, and kinda throw in the towel, we are getting along just fine. We've been having a few laughs, we watched a couple movies this week, and we've been communicating as we always have about the childfren.

Last night, while watching TV in bed, she snuggled up to me, and put her head on my chest. She held my hand, and we both fell asleep embraced in each other's arms.

The "odd part", is every time I look at my wife, I remind myself that she no longer wants to be with me, but she's only here for the wrong reasons.

Can anyone put a spin on this?

Can the fact that I've accepted her decision to leave, be sort of a "180" ?

I've very confused, and feel that there's a marriage that headed for separation, when in fact, this may not have to happen.
Then I remind myself, that I'm being dillusional.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> Thought I'd chime into the ladies' section for a moment.
> Ok, it's been a week since my wife made it very clear that she's "done", and no longer wants to be intimate, because she doesn't want me to get "attached to her anymore. We've been together 15+ years, and I'm already attached ... but I can understand where she's coming from.
> 
> She's been telling me for three months that she wants her freedom, but knows how much it will hurt me and our three children, and feels that she should stay for that sake.
> ...


I would be pissed off-- about the snuggling up. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

You should go over to the Men's Clubhouse and read the sticky on the Man Up/Nice guy and the thread on the thermostat. Do you see yourself in any of those?


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> I would be pissed off-- about the snuggling up. Either she wants to be with you or she doesn't.


Amen to this. Yeah when you say you are "done" you don't get to watch movies with me and snuggle. I save those acts for someone that actually gives a damn.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

magnoliagal said:


> Amen to this. Yeah when you say you are "done" you don't get to watch movies with me and snuggle. I save those acts for someone that actually gives a damn.


Exactly and man, I'd probably tell her not to let the door hit her in the ass on the way out...I mean, who wants a 'pity' partner...it would be TOO hurtful to leave but I really don't want to be here?? F THAT!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> Can the fact that I've accepted her decision to leave, be sort of a "180" ?


Yes.

Follow her actions, not her words.
She is playing you if she still wants out and is still leaning on your shoulder during movie time. 
The longer this drags out in limbo, the worse. 
Either you both work on your marriage or separate. It takes a committment from both.


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

I find it more than just a coincidence, that this sudden show of affection, started after I met her EA, and "made peace" with all of us.. He is gay, and am not concerned.

Could she have been THAT angry, that she was scaring the crapola out of me as a form of punishment for breaking her friendship?

She's been gelling me for months, that she was confused, and wanted her space. She told me that she didn't want to split up, because she wanted to work through whatever she was feeling about us.
I took it as a bunch of nonsense, but it did upset me.

Now I'm thinking that maybe she's actually loosening her stance, and coming around.

This morning, we were both leaving for work, when SHE walked over to ME, and put her arms around me, hugged me, kissed me, and told me have a nice day. She kissed me, and asked that we speak later to discuss dinner. Just went with it, and decided to stay cool, and see what happens.

The reason, I came here, is because a lot of my reading on this board, tells me that the woman would generally initiate the contact, when she's ready. 

A part of me, feels that she wanted to inflict as much pain as possible, by telling me that she's done. But when I did a 180, instead of breaking down, it may have caught her attention.

So now the question is whether she's actually ready to fix this mess, or is she keeping me close, because she needs me.... Or maybe she doesn't want me doing a 180, and wants to be in control.

Wow.... Women are complicated, aren't you ? 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

i hate that yo-yo thing that people do when they aren't totally positive they're making the right choice to leave. 

I agree with the others...either she wants you or she doesn't. Her excuse might be "but it's not so black and white,cut n dry." 

Oh but it IS. Either you want to be with someone, or you don't. Don't cuddle up and give snuggles "for the sake of the children" THAT sh*t has nothing to do with the kids and has more to do with her need to have her ego fed by knowing she still has you on the hook pining for her.

 that stuff just chaps my behind. things like this are why women are the butt of so many jokes about being master manipulators and as Dane Cook says, "Brain Ninjas"


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

Is there a way to "call her out"? Or should I just be patient, and let the chips fall as they may?

After all.... When people go through "stuff", isn't someone typically "done"? Then they go through MC or some form of epiphany, to save the marriage?

OK, ladies.... here it comes......

If she IS in fact softening up a bit, would it make sense to "test her", by looking for sex? My gut tells me, it's way too soon to expect physical contact. I really don't want to have sex with her, if it's not what she wants.
I'm also "done" with hearing about her being "done", and rejecting me.

I know that her period is do any day now, so she may be "emotionally wacked out" as it is. Im not sure how woman feel about sex just before their period. I know afterward, we used to rock like animals  (sorry for the graphic  )


----------



## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> Is there a way to "call her out"? Or should I just be patient, and let the chips fall as they may?
> 
> After all.... When people go through "stuff", isn't someone typically "done"? Then they go through MC or some form of epiphany, to save the marriage?
> 
> ...


It isn't so much "calling her out" as it is taking charge and asking point blank, "WTF are you doing?" lol well maybe not like that but you get the idea.

just express to her that it's confusing and hurtful for her to show affection to you then tell you she's only there bc of the children. if you don't mind the affection, be sure to let her know you welcome it IF she's doing it for reasons OTHER than wanting to lead you around by the penis and OTHER than doing it for the children to keep the peace. if she's doing it bc she loves you and wants you then GREAT! stop sending mixed signals wife!

I wouldn't try sex...sex is a bonding experience and I think adding sex to the mix would only hurt you if she pulls away again.


----------



## Persephone (May 17, 2011)

I'm guessing she is confused about what she truly wants. Don't push, do not call her out... Try to be patient. Find her love language and continue to try to woo her back. Don't jump to conclusions either way. Depression and confusion are hard to deal with, hang in there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> So now the question is whether she's actually ready to fix this mess, or is she keeping me close, because she needs me.... Or maybe she doesn't want me doing a 180, and wants to be in control.


She is in control. She's 100% in the driver's seat because you are still questioning everything.

She has already told you she wants out. Unless she SHOWS you differently and tells you straight up she wants to work on the marriage, she hasn't changed her mind.

Being a doormat never works. Just FYI.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> IWow.... Women are complicated, aren't you ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, I don't think I am....and I certainly would never play 'game' with my husband...whether things are going well or not. He may not understand my feelings, and I may not understand his at times, but if I say something I mean it. I would NEVER say I wanted to leave if I didn't want to, I would never say it to get his attention or anything like it. I just don't get doing that to someone you loved enough to marry and have children with.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> Is there a way to "call her out"? Or should I just be patient, and let the chips fall as they may?
> 
> After all.... When people go through "stuff", isn't someone typically "done"? Then they go through MC or some form of epiphany, to save the marriage?
> 
> ...


Good grief, why not just communicate with her? You know, with words...


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> She is in control. She's 100% in the driver's seat because you are still questioning everything.
> 
> She has already told you she wants out. Unless she SHOWS you differently and tells you straight up she wants to work on the marriage, she hasn't changed her mind.
> 
> Being a doormat never works. Just FYI.


_My attempts to get a straight answer, have not been good. It usually leads to a look of disgust, and a "I'm sick of talking about it" response. She always comes back with "please give me time" I might be going through something, even i don't understand, and I don't want to feel this way, as much as you don't want to hear it. I want to get past this, within myself, and get back to normal_

That's it. I feel that she may be showing me differently, and I may be expecting too much, too soon. I have no place to go, and neither does she. So either is truly trying to deal with this, or she's playing me for a fool.
And YES, she HAS NOT told me straight up that she loves her husband, and wants to work it out. She only picked up a bit on the affection, and communication.

I'm leaning more towards the "playing me for a fool", than the working out portion.

NOW.... She did have a conversation with a friend of hers. I saw the caller ID, and knew that they were chatting for quite some time.
This friend decided to talk to me. She told me that my wife is very confused. She said my wife told her that wants to be alone SIMPLY because she never experienced being alone, because she's been married since 19. She's very concerned about doing this on impulse, and regretting leaving me. She assured me there's no one else, and it's more to do with the fact that she went to work, and wants more independence. She said she told my wife that she was nuts, and that any woman would scoop me up in a heartbeat. My wife said she could get me back anytime she wanted!!! Whoa!!
Her friend also said that she doesn't understand the drive she has to be alone. She said it make no sense to her either.
She suggested I wait it out, and give her space. She said my wife flat out told her that she's acting selfish.
Doesn't do anyone any good, does it?

Wow, this woman is making my head spin.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> I agree with the others...either she wants you or she doesn't. Her excuse might be "but it's not so black and white,cut n dry."
> 
> Oh but it IS. Either you want to be with someone, or you don't.


DING DING DING. We have a winner.

Cause really, that is what is boils down to. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. And if she waffles, you have your answer. If she can't commit to you one way or another, you have your answer. If she tells you she is done, you have your answer.


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Good grief, why not just communicate with her? You know, with words...


Read the above response to Jellybeans.

I tried to communicate it. It always leads to her "being confused".


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> DING DING DING. We have a winner.
> 
> Cause really, that is what is boils down to. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. And if she waffles, you have your answer. If she can't commit to you one way or another, you have your answer. If she tells you she is done, you have your answer.


I pressured her with that. I told her.... You either want to be with me or not. She said she didn't want to hurt everyone. .. Duh,,..OK, I should have gotten the message, right Mr. Dummy? (me). But I have no place to go. Neither does she. So here we are, in a place that SHE wants out, and I want in.
This is SO EF'ed UP!!!

If this were always the case, then why the 180? Why MC?
Don't people go through 'rough patches" in their marriage, and question their position in life?

I admit, I once questioned whether or not I wanted to stay with her a few years ago. We were having issues.
.I was walking in a fog.
Then one day I looked at her,and realized that I was out of my mind, and loved her in so many ways. 
I changed over night, and never missed a beat


----------



## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

a case of Don't know what you've got til it's gone.

i have a feeling this woman is thinking the grass is gonna be green n sweet on the freedom side of life but when she gets there she's going to look around and see nothing but dogpoo then realize what she lost by ditching the one person who loves her unconditionally and without fail.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> Read the above response to Jellybeans.
> 
> I tried to communicate it. It always leads to her "being confused".


Then you go to counseling...if she won't go, you have your answer. What do you mean you have no place to go and neither does she? 

Seriously, even if I was confused (and some days I am), I sure wouldn't say so to my husband unless I was damn ready to do something about it (either leave or go to counseling)-- it is cruel and mean and uncaring IMO to throw that elephant into the room and leave it hanging there. If I were you I'd be seriously pissed off and telling her to get on or get off...pick.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> I pressured her with that. I told her.... You either want to be with me or not. She said she didn't want to hurt everyone. .. Duh,,..OK, I should have gotten the message, right Mr. Dummy? (me). But I have no place to go. Neither does she. So here we are, in a place that SHE wants out, and I want in.
> This is SO EF'ed UP!!!
> 
> If this were always the case, then why the 180? Why MC?
> ...


Have you asked her to attend counseling?


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> a case of Don't know what you've got til it's gone.
> 
> i have a feeling this woman is thinking the grass is gonna be green n sweet on the freedom side of life but when she gets there she's going to look around and see nothing but dogpoo then realize what she lost by ditching the one person who loves her unconditionally and without fail.


and she is trying to keep one leg on each side of the fence.... she can SAY it is about hurting you and the kids, but I don't believe it.


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Then you go to counseling...if she won't go, you have your answer. What do you mean you have no place to go and neither does she?
> 
> Seriously, even if I was confused (and some days I am), I sure wouldn't say so to my husband unless I was damn ready to do something about it (either leave or go to counseling)-- it is cruel and mean and uncaring IMO to throw that elephant into the room and leave it hanging there. If I were you I'd be seriously pissed off and telling her to get on or get off...pick.


She doesn't make enough money, and child support can only go so far for three children. We did the numbers, and looked at apartments, and housing for two, with our income won't cut it.
We're both scared about making it.
I have no family, and we have three children that need a roof over their heads.
My mortgage would be too high for her OR me to carry, along with a roof over my head, if I were to move out, or visa versa.

And YES, it is cruel, I feel it's horrible, that she's doing this to me. But, in another sense, I feel that she's being honest. She wants out, but doesn't know how to do it.... Or maybe she's truly questioning her heart.
I know... I do sound like such a fool, don't I?


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Have you asked her to attend counseling?


NO.
It did come up in the past, but she knocked it down.

I haven't mentioned it during this latest round of "niceness"


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> NO.
> It did come up in the past, but she knocked it down.
> 
> I haven't mentioned it during this latest round of "niceness"


I don't know... I guess if she wanted out, I'd tell her to go..find a way. I'd say fine, we will sell the house, children can survive just fine in a rent. I sure wouldn't be making nice with her (like snuggling and watching movies) unless she agree to counseling and was really truly trying.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> And YES, it is cruel, I feel it's horrible, that she's doing this to me. But, in another sense, I feel that she's being honest. She wants out, but doesn't know how to do it.... Or maybe she's truly questioning her heart.
> I know... I do sound like such a fool, don't I?


It sounds immature and selfish....turn everyone's world upside down with words but not do anything about it.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

First, is she having an affair? When did she start saying she wanted out?

Nonetheless, Under, if you don't stand your ground soon, I can tell you exactly how this is going to pan out:

She is going to play you like a guitar until she is done. She is going to treat you like you're still together making non-committal statements about how she's "confused," "doesn't know what she wants," "doesn't see the point of marriage counselling," " all while YOU hold her hand through the entire process of her basically telling you she's unsure of whether she wants to be with you or not. The longer the limbo lasts, the worse the chances are for reconciling your marriage. Know that.

And while you hold her hand through the process, she is going to lose respect for you by the day because she will see a weak man who can't stand up for himself. And it is an unwritten rule that *WOMEN DO NOT LOVE MEN THEY DO NOT RESPECT*. Drill that in your head. And by holding her hand while she is telling you she's possibly/maybe/Idk rejecting you, you are NOT respecting yourself. WHY? Because you want the marriage and she is telling you straight up she isn't sure.

So what you do is you tell her TODAY: I am 100% committed to our marriage... I married you for life and I took my vows very seriously. With that said, I will not hold you against your will. So if you decide you can't commit to me 100% and give you all to our marriage, I am letting you go. If you decide you want our marriage and are committed to making it work, then we can talk about it but in the interim, this state of limbo does nothing good for either of us. Love should be free."

Kapiche.

This will ruffle her feathers. It gets your self-respect back and you take control of the situation, control you never had before because you have GIVEN it all to her by letting HER decide the outcome of this.

Mark my words: the LONGER this goes on (her wishy-washyness--the WORSE for any chance of reconciliation). Promise.

If you want a really good example of letting limbo keep going and going like the Energizer bunny, just look up HurtinginTN's threads in the Coping w/ Infidelity section. They're a thousand pages long and very frustrating to read.

There is NOTHING more cruel than keeping someone who clearly loves you in limbo while you take your time deciding. It's sick and digusting, IMO.

So switch up the game on her and get your self-respect and dignity back. STAT.


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> First, is she having an affair? When did she start saying she wanted out?
> 
> Nonetheless, Under, if you don't stand your ground soon, I can tell you exactly how this is going to pan out:
> 
> ...


I did this a week ago.

Here's how that played out.....

We had a dinner with some family, and on the way home, we pass a tattoo parlor. I comment that I would love to get a tattoo, and dedicate to both of my deceased parents. She gets all excited, and says "COME ON, LET'S BOTH GET ONE!". Since I don't have any tattoos, it was eventful, if I were to get one. So I tell her that I would get one under one condition.... (here it comes).... I told her I would do it, as long as she agrees to cut the BullSh*t, and put whatever she's going through, behind her, and COMMIT to her marriage, like the day we got married
Needless to say, she said she can't help how she feels. 
Then she went into the "I'm done" mode. 
To me, that was a KILLER! We were having fun, I didn't know how she fit that into what was going on at that moment.

JellyBeans....
I know I'm in denial. I'm looking for a ray of hope that my wife might actually be changing her mind, and leaning towards working it out. 
But I do know in my heart, that our days are numbered. I'm not a weak man, if anything, I'm as strong as a rock. I've been hearing this for 3 months, and I'm still standing. If, and when it does end, I know I could live with the fact that I gave it 100% effort. This is a woman, that I'm having a hard time breaking my attraction from. I am so friggin' attracted to her, it's scary. We've been together for 15+ years, and I see more beauty in her every day.
I don't hear what she's saying, I only feel her lying on my chest.
I don't hear her saying she's "Done'. I only hear her say, "Don't go", when I tell her I'm leaving.

Then she shifts the power, by telling me that she saw an apartment she liked, and really wanted it.

She shows me kindness and affection, then inflicts pain, when my guard is down. I see how she operates.

She knows that I'll eventually give up. She knows that she could pacify me, give me "pity affection", then push me back a bit more each time. I guess it could be her way of letting me down slowly.
Drill me until I get it, this way the impact would be lessened


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well it's a good thing you know you're in denial. That is the first step to recovery! LOL.



Undertheradar said:


> Then she went into the "I'm done" mode.


Then you have your answer.

You can choose to stay in a one-sided relationship but there is nothing left to say.

You already know what the score is. 

My very good friend has a saying: Let go or be dragged.

You choose.


----------



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Well it's a good thing you know you're in denial. That is the first step to recovery! LOL.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


:iagree:


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

Undertheradar said:


> _
> I'm leaning more towards the "playing me for a fool", than the working out portion.
> 
> This friend decided to talk to me.
> ...


_

You said it yourself, her friend confirmed it and now you'll just keep being played for the fool while she explores herself.

That one bolded sentence by her friend alone says it all._


----------



## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> ....our income won't cut it.
> We're both scared about making it. ...
> My mortgage would be too high ..... or visa versa.


It is what it is. A lot of people can't just rip it in half and move forward. Your situation is your situation. We're not in your shoes. You are.


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

UPDATE:

OK, I sat her down, and said what i had to say. I told her that living in limbo was not an option, and she responded by saying she has "nothing to give' at this time. Her face was stone cold, and she said that she was 'shut down".
I know in my heart, that she's broken over the loss of her EA she had with her "friend" a few months ago, but she denies it.

I told her that since she has nothing to give, I guess I should expect nothing.
I told her that I do not want anymore comforting hugs, or kisses. I told her that I am no longer considering us a partner in life, and I will start preparing for life apart.

I explained that I will work with her, to dismantle any life we have, and will focus on separating.
As hard as it was to draw that conclusion, seeing my wife stare cold-faced at me, and proclaim herself empty, left me with no other choice.
I think it's time she gets her wish.

I will now focus on the best 180 I could possibly do.
She does NOT deserve to get anything from me at this time.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

That is correct, she doesn't deserve jack from you if she's not willing to commit to your marriage.

The amount of effort you put forth should equal hers. She has told you she doesn't have anything to give so don't reward her w/ anything.

Kapiche.


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

A few hours later.....

OK, so my wife decides to open up a bit.

Basically, she tells me that ALL HER actions have to do with HER feeling as if I control her.
I ask her to explain.

She tells me that, after I killed her EA, she resented me for making her feel uncomfortable at work, and as a result, she was unable to attend the many "after-work drinkfests" the co workers have. 

So my response is..... "Give up your husband for THAT fredom?".
Answer: YES. That made me empty inside.

I say : NO... You are angry because I broke up your EA, and you wanted to go out and party with him...... and the other workers, of course. 
No answer.... Instead, a rolling of the eyes. (priceless)

*** She feels I controlled her, by not "allowing" her to have the EA with the gay guy.
I'm sorry, but 16,000 texts in three months will kill any relationship. Gay or not gay.
How in God's name, do you give your spouse the required attention, when you have so much of your time allocated for the EA?

This woman has disrespected me in every way possible.

Anyway... 
Im in 180 mode, regardless.

She obviously knows what she's doing. She wants to inflict as much pain on me as possible. But as soon as she sees that I'm about to leave, she holds me back, so she can hurt me some more.

I am so angry at this woman for doing what she did. She's been the one threatening to leave me?..... She better watch HER back, I may not ever forgive her for what she's been doing.

On another note..... I think she could just be hitting me with another excuse. Her story, is a good way to give me some "closure", while she continues to calculate her exit strategy.

I still don't believe her. But I'll go along with it.

I told her this morning.....
I told her she's free to do whatever, with whomever she wants. Llife is what she makes it.

I told her, I'll sit back, and be a father to my children. She can go out, and have the time of her life.

It's time, I reshape my life into something more than just a husband and father. I cannot revolve my life around her anymore.
My children come first, then I'll worry about enjoying my life without her.

My first step, is to book a nice vacation for me and my children. I'll give her all the freedom she wants.

I am SO GLAD, I came in here for a woman's perspective. As a man, there are some things, that we could never understand.

Feel free


----------



## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

I am going to hold back from commenting on your wife right now bc I'll end up projecting my own anger and frustration on to your situation. But I will say I'm glad you are going to go on vacation with your children. I hope you have a really relaxing and wonderful time.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Undertheradar said:


> On another note..... I think she could just be hitting me with another excuse. Her story, is a good way to give me some "closure", while she continues to calculate her exit strategy.


Start calculating your own exit strategy.

Her rolling her eyes are you is childish andspeaks volumes about where her head is at. 

16,000 texts? Are you sure he's gay?


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Start calculating your own exit strategy.
> 
> Her rolling her eyes are you is childish andspeaks volumes about where her head is at.
> 
> 16,000 texts? Are you sure he's gay?



He's bi-sexual. 

When I finally got some texts from her phone ( a few months ago), there were numerous references by him,... "liking the beef", and how he enjoys objects up his ass. (sorry)

_This is the humor that was entertaining my wife._

The guy is a little nothing of a man. He lives with his mother, and he started crying when I caught up with him.
Honestly, if this is what she wants, she could have him. I'm past the text thing, and now just digesting everything.
I'm disgusted more so with her behavior, than I am with him. She ALLOWED this to happen, and saw nothing wrong with it... and still doesn't.
My wife has no respect for me or her family... period. I know this.

And yes, I am calculating my exit strategy. For all she's done to me, I could never look at her the same way anyway.


----------



## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

She's acting like a spoiled brat. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. 

You are doing the right thing. Stay strong. I'm gut says she'll turn around when she sees you aren't backing down.


----------



## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Your wife was and is still physically intimate with this guy. who cares the label of his interest.

You need to sever yourself from her financially as much as possible.

Cancel credit cards, no joint bank accounts. all of it.

Get a divorce attorney pronto!

Get her to move out of the house.

Now's not really the time to take a vacation. Not until you have your home secured and she can't get into it to screw around with legalistic things or to invite the "friend" over.

Step up the game. She is not your wife, let alone a friend. She has no respect for you. She lies just by breathing in the same room as you.


----------



## Undertheradar (May 11, 2011)

michzz said:


> Your wife was and is still physically intimate with this guy. who cares the label of his interest.
> 
> You need to sever yourself from her financially as much as possible.
> 
> ...


Seems a bit extreme.
1) I'm not worried about money.
2) I'll take a nice vacation and let her enjoy whatever she wants.
3) If she wants HIM, she will GET HIM. It's the way it is. I won't be able to stop it.
4) I'm not kicking anyobody out, nor am I moving. She has to be as miserable as I am 
5) She has her own credit.
6) She can have the house. It's the only roof over my kid's head, and THAT matters to me.

Sorry, but there are other ways to skin the cat. I'll wait until the time is right. In the meantime, she has to live with me... reluctantly.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Actually, it's not extreme. She has told you to your face she isn't into the marriage. So let her feel what divorce is going to feel like through actions. 
Don't hold her hand as she dumps you.


----------

