# Thoughts on "the talk" Do's and Don'ts - Please Help



## Awishforjoy (Jun 20, 2013)

Best way for the talk... I’m going to keep this short as I have already posted the circumstances of my need to leave in another thread called “_My EA has devastated all of us; how to get healthy from here_”. You must understand that both he and I are good people and do love with each other. Unfortunately, we have both reacted poorly and have acted out. Briefly, after years of neglect and desperate pleas of engagement; I had an EA. It was accidental, though I know many on here wouldn’t believe that, but it was, and I am deeply regretful and very sorry. After my husband found out he was aggressive and angry; rightfully so, but he became a controlling bully (which was already in his nature of which is how we found ourselves here to begin with). Anyway, we have escalated several times and each time it gets worse. About three weeks ago he escalated with the MC (marriage therapist) and was told that he needed to get medication or increase his apts. At that point he fired the therapist and has stopped going. I’ve been begging him to find someone. I’m frightened of the next episode as the longest he’s gone without spinning himself up is 7 days. Today is day 7 and I’m freaking out how this weekend will go. So here the deal. He insists that he loves me and can't loose me, but refuses to see a therapist because "all they do is make you hurt". So, after our last episode I went and found an apartment. I set the time to move out for July 5th in hopes he would change his mind and find someone. So far no good. I don’t really want to leave, but I know I need to for me and my children’s safety (he has never touched me, but is a controlling bully). I don’t have a clue how to tell him without setting him off. I don’t want to leave with him out of control and left to trash what’s left of our lives. I need him calm and understanding that I need to live somewhere else until he agrees to work on this. I need to make sure I do this right... I would like to hear your thoughts on the best approach. I never intended to hurt him, but I have to go. It’s never an easy conversation and I know I’ll do it all wrong, but I’m curious if there are any thoughts about the should and shouldn’t do’s of this convo. Again, I’m not ready for a divorce. I just want to be someplace safe.


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