# Relationships after infidelity



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Another thread got me thinking about this. This is a question for the BS that has moved on from the WS.

In approaching a new relationship (or even dating), do you watch for/avoid certain things now? Are you paranoid or worried that everyone is a cheater? Do you purposely avoid the type of person your ex WS was? Are there certain traits in a person you see or are aware of that indicate the possibility of infidelity?

For me, (a bh), I will avoid the following things like the plague:


A woman with daddy issues (abandonment, abuse, etc)
Low self esteem/ no self confidence
false or feigned arrogance/confidence
waitresses or women who work night shifts in risky environments
a woman who is always paranoid you are cheating
hard drug users
white trash

I've dated a woman a few times whom I told about my WW. She basically downplayed the cheating, and said something along the lines of "well, everyone makes mistakes, and she couldn't be expected to leave her family just because of it" and "cumon, you weren't perfect..."

Red flags! Someone who has cheated on a boyfriend? I'm just dating, so I'm not too worried about it right now.

What about you? Have your qualifications for a potential mate changed since you were cheated?


----------



## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Red flags I've learned to avoid:


Grew up without father present in the home/daddy issues
Hx of drug/alcohol abuse
Hx of cheating
Too many male friends
Toxic/immature/"loose" friends
Certain professions


Although there are always exceptions I guess. But I stand pretty firm on those when getting to know someone.


----------



## Oregon Rose (Jul 1, 2013)

Red Flags:

Someone who is addicted to porn
Someone who can't watch a movie without making weird and sexual comments about things
Someone who is insecure
Someone who thinks they're always right
Someone who constantly needs their ego stroked
Someone who is controlling
Someone who criticizes you 
Someone who "jokingly" asks if he can be with other women
Someone with a history of cheating (once a liar, always a liar)
Someone who is a narcissist
Someone who thinks they are entitled to whatever they want
Someone who verbally or physically abuses you


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

Jasel said:


> Red flags I've learned to avoid:
> 
> 
> Grew up without father present in the home/daddy issues
> ...


Sounds like we were cheated on by the same woman.


----------



## pollywog (May 30, 2013)

All of the above!

Just not sure I ever want another relationship after I get out of this one. There was a reason I was single for so many years after first husband died and I remember very plainly now.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I feel guilty saying this but I would check their medicine cabinet for pills for depression or anxiety...


----------



## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

I would see if there was a history of infidelity in their family: My Husband, his Brother, his Father and his Paternal Grandfather all had a affairs.

I would see what their relationship was with their Mother.
My husband's Mom was as cold as ice and now he has Attachment Issues. His Maternal Grandmother was in Mental hospital when she was in her teens and she never bonded with her daughter.

The entire family can tape a year's worth of Dr. Phil shows !!!


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Healer said:


> Another thread got me thinking about this. This is a question for the BS that has moved on from the WS.
> 
> In approaching a new relationship (or even dating), do you watch for/avoid certain things now? Are you paranoid or worried that everyone is a cheater? Do you purposely avoid the type of person your ex WS was? Are there certain traits in a person you see or are aware of that indicate the possibility of infidelity?
> 
> ...


We reconciled. But the fear or worry of it happening again never quite goes away.


----------

