# Would you consider this abuse?



## amigo1 (Dec 11, 2010)

My partner and I were in the car and I was getting nervous about him spilling his drink, I was nagging him to please watch the drink and I grabbed it to put it in the holder but it spilled all over his crotch. (hot capple cider). He got real mad and screamed at my "oww, you F* B****, what the F* is your problem!" Then he pulled over and got out of the car and slammed the door hard and continued to be angry for about 15 min. Would this be considered abuse or an appropriate reacion given the situation? (he was not burned).


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I would pretty much have done the same thing, it's just a reaction.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

No. You basically hurt him after ignoring him and threw a nag in. I would have been pissed too.


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## Izabella (Dec 22, 2010)

i would have been pissed if you grabed a hot drink out of my hand while i was driving and it spilled on my girly parts.i would have cussed up a storm.
i think he did what he did out of pain and anger.

NEVER nag while someone is driving,my mom use to nag me while i drove because she was a nerves nelly and if i was going to have an accident,her nagging me would have been the cause.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

In the context of that exchange, there is no abuse. What happened is called anger. Was his response inappropriate? Maybe, but it certainly wasn't abusive.

I'm more curious why you are asking?


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

Nope. Not abuse. Of course calling me a f*****g b***h wouldn't have flown well either. 

You were afraid that he was going to spill the cider, so you grabbed the cup and did exactly what you were afraid he was going to do. Don't try to control him. If HE spills the cider, HE is the one burned. HE also gets to clean up the mess. You gotta give up the control. He's a big boy, right? Treat him like one.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

amigo1 said:


> My partner and I were in the car and I was getting nervous about him spilling his drink, I was nagging him to please watch the drink and I grabbed it to put it in the holder but it spilled all over his crotch. (hot capple cider). He got real mad and screamed at my "oww, you F* B****, what the F* is your problem!" Then he pulled over and got out of the car and slammed the door hard and continued to be angry for about 15 min. Would this be considered abuse or an appropriate reacion given the situation? (he was not burned).


Maybe next time you could just ask him politly to please use the cup holder before he spills his drink. and then let him do as he pleases.

It almost sounds like you verbaly abused him he did not listen to you so you grabbed his drink. I would be mad also more because you took it apon yourself to correct behavior you didn't like.


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## julia71 (Oct 25, 2010)

I'm not trying to be mean here, but why did you feel the need to nag him about his drink in the first place? He's a grown man, right? And let's say he DID spill the drink - would it have been the end of the world? I mean, it CAN be cleaned up. I have found that nagging about most things generally isn't worth it. 

Yeah - I likely would have reacted just about the same way.


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## amigo1 (Dec 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> In the context of that exchange, there is no abuse. What happened is called anger. Was his response inappropriate? Maybe, but it certainly wasn't abusive.
> 
> I'm more curious why you are asking?


I asked because i wasnt sure, i was telling my mom about it and she thought it was abuse but i thought more of it being my fault. I tend to nag him a lot about things and need to reasses when i am in the wrong more often i think. i did the same thing the other night, started nagging him that he wasnt helping me enough, then i got mad and threw his shirt on the floor, then he got pissed and was shouting at me. i guess i need to control myself more.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

I think both of you need to learn better skills for expressing anger.


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## julia71 (Oct 25, 2010)

I have to agree to vthomeschoolmom here. I would also say that if nagging and shouting are how you guys are communicating, then you guys need to seriously work on your communication skills - because you really aren't communicating. 

Men - when nagged at - will mentally shut down and won't hear a word you're saying - so you may as well just give that up, cause it's not working for you.

Women, when yelled at, often shut down or go on the defensive - so that's not going to work for him.

See the problem?


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## amigo1 (Dec 11, 2010)

julia71 said:


> I'm not trying to be mean here, but why did you feel the need to nag him about his drink in the first place? He's a grown man, right? And let's say he DID spill the drink - would it have been the end of the world? I mean, it CAN be cleaned up. I have found that nagging about most things generally isn't worth it.
> 
> Yeah - I likely would have reacted just about the same way.


Yeah, I know i was an a** for nagging, i was just nervous becuase every time were in the car, he spills his drink all over the place but this time I was just as bad!


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Well, it sounds like both of you need better self control.
Scale back the nagging and he might not be so reactive.
No, his words weren't nice. And no, it's not mature to throw his shirt and yell if he doesn't like what you say.
But try to focus on what YOU can control.
Can you let something go? Can you refrain from nagging? Give it a real try, and see if your interactions calm down too.
Believe me, I'm trying to take my very own advice right now too, and although it's hard, it is helpful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Quenton (Nov 21, 2008)

nagging will kill a relationship. you need to learn this asap. it probably has a lot to do with him getting pissed so easily.


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## amigo1 (Dec 11, 2010)

Quenton said:


> nagging will kill a relationship. you need to learn this asap. it probably has a lot to do with him getting pissed so easily.


I just looked up definition of nagging -
nag 1 (ng)
v. nagged, nag·ging, nags 
v.tr.
1. To annoy by constant scolding, complaining, or urging.
2. To torment persistently, as with anxiety or pain.
lol


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

amigo1 said:


> I asked because i wasnt sure, i was telling my mom about it and she thought it was abuse but i thought more of it being my fault. I tend to nag him a lot about things and need to reasses when i am in the wrong more often i think. i did the same thing the other night, started nagging him that he wasnt helping me enough, then i got mad and threw his shirt on the floor, then he got pissed and was shouting at me. i guess i need to control myself more.



Well done for taking ownership of your problem.

Your mother sounds like a real stirrer, far more likely to make matters far worse for you and your husband. Therefore she is not a person to go to again for your relationship problems. She most certainly did not take a neutral stance and simply doesn’t have what it takes to give marriage advice to her daughter.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I don't talk to my mom about my issues with my hubs, for a few reasons:
she cannot be neutral when it comes to me. She's going to protect me. Sure, she may call me out if i'm wrong, but if my DH does or says something that hurts me, even if I'm also at fault, she's going to lose some respect for him or look at him differently.
If you want the best for your marriage, don't tell your mom about the really difficult stuff, for the sake of the future.
That's why I come here!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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