# help...sexually frustrated



## makaveli (Jul 8, 2010)

Me and my wife don't have sex anymore and it is really starting to get to me. We use to have sex a mininum of 2 times a week and now it has been almost 5 weeks since we last made love. It all started when the last time we did it she hurt her tailbone (which I have no idea how that happend but she did) and so I just didn't try to make a move for like a week and a half because I wasn't going to try to seem inconsiderate to her. Well then I tryed to make a move and we were almost about to start and I could tell she really didn't want to so I asked her if she just wanted to try another time and she said yes. Well then I felt a little rejected so I decided I will just let her make the move the next time because I don't want to feel like that and we can make love when we are both in the mood. So another 2 weeks go by and nothing happends...so I ask her what the problem is because now I am starting to feel like she is not attracted to me anymore. She tells me that she is just not in the mood but she assures me she thinks I am still attractive. I know people say that maybe the man should pay attention to their wife, help out more around the house etc., but trust me...I do all of that stuff. I am human but I try to pick up on hints my wife put out there so that I can help her out and show her I am here for her. Then the other day we get in an arguement and I bring up the fact the we are not intimate anymore and she tells me that she doesn't want to have sex with me when there is tention in the air...if there is tention it is because we don't have sex so what do I do?


----------



## Just1Man (Dec 9, 2010)

Sounds like you and I might be in the same boat. My wife says she loves me, we talk and get along a majority of the time, says she is attracted to me but, our sex life is hit and miss. Many times when we do have sex it seems like she is doing it just to make me happy. She told me her sex drive is low and that is normal. Well my sex drive is not low and THAT is normal. 

How old is your wife? Do you have kids? That could answer a few things.

I wish I could help more. I'm kinda like a drowning guy keeping another drowning guy company.


----------



## deb9017 (Nov 8, 2010)

Is she on any kind of medication (i.e., antidepressants) that could be contributing to the problem?


----------



## Wild1 (Dec 29, 2010)

makaveli said:


> Well then I tryed to make a move and we were almost about to start and _*I could tell she really didn't want to*_ so I asked her if she just wanted to try another time and she said yes.




I would say to find your answer, just try to answer this one below:

See the quote from your post above, especially the bolded part? What led you to that exact conclusion at that specific time? Not what did she do, or what you may or may not have seen, but what emotionally brought you to that conclusion and the need to say this to her?

Once you honestly answer this, you may just understand where you both are.


----------



## makaveli (Jul 8, 2010)

Yes we have 1 kid..she is 2 1/2 yo but I won't try something with my wife unless my kid is sleeping or not around. 

My wife is 24 yo. 

She is not on any medication at all. 

The way I could tell she wasn't in the mood was the way she wasn't try to kiss me during foreplay..we normally try to work each other up but she wasn't participating. She just had a look on her face like she was bored or something.


----------



## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

No fine wisdom from this end.

But just know you're not alone and there are others in the same boat with you.

I am the female side of this equation who is sexually frustrated from a rejecting husband.

Unfortunately - join the club!

If you work it out or find some magic wisdom to impart, please let me know - I've run out of options.


----------



## Wild1 (Dec 29, 2010)

OK, here may be some 



See, that’s what you perceived as happening, but my question was a bit deeper than that. What were you feeling on an emotional level at that point to bring you to that conclusion? Here’s a hint – she would have already read your face the instant just before you actually said something that sounds like, “are you ok?” and would have had an emotional response (i.e. felt) equivalent to yours. By the way, all of this applies to husbands as well as wives many times, depending on the emotional state of the person.

In other words, she was guessing you wanted to stop as well and she knew you could not make her feel comfortable at that moment even before you said anything.

See, that’s the trap we men seem to always fall into – underestimating how quickly most, if not all women, can process not only their own emotions, but ours as well. 
What you don’t know yet is how common this situation you describe is, always in some different format with different details, but always with the same root cause.


First you’re going to have to understand her emotional state when you are making what could be taken as any attempt for sex. She is looking to you for security that everything will be fine, especially on an emotional level. Tell her it’s ok and you love her, tell her to clear her mind and THEN do something for her that she likes, but has maybe not asked for in a while, like maybe a back rub or foot rub or something. What you need to do is connect on a level other than the direct physical part of sex. This level is an emotional level and will then allow her to actually hear you when you tell her that it’s important to you and its one part of showing her that you love her and you want to be with her.

But until you can get her to really listen to your concerns on a non-pressured level, she will either tell you want you want to hear, or just ignore you for as long as possible. Oh, and doing stuff around the house is great, but contrary to popular belief -- more maid service does not equate to more sex or even more wanting of sex. Women will have more sex with you IF they are more comfortable. This means you being in a confident state of mind; that it’s going to be great and I am very happy to be here with you, rather than emotionally crashing what she may or may not be doing differently or throwing you off.


Good luck.


----------



## makaveli (Jul 8, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove-I am sorry you are going through this as well. I am also out of options. I use to be the routine type of guy that would only make a move right before bed. Then my wife talked to me about opening up our sexuality so I did. It made sex awesome and I enjoyed it a lot more but now it backfired at me because I want it ten times more and now she doesn't want to. I feel like now me and my wife are just basically roommates that hold each others hand everynow and then and kiss each other before bed. The only thing I can suggest for you is maybe talk to your husband and ask him what he would like done fantasy wise. And be open to do it...it might turn him on and spice up your sex life. I know everyone has fantasies so try it out...good luck


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're the same guy who posted about your wife cheating on you 7 or 8 months ago, right? Have you guys been to counseling? Working through things? Problems in one area seem to spill over to others...

C


----------



## makaveli (Jul 8, 2010)

PBear...Yes I am the same guy. We have been to counseling and yes we are working on things. I know that the problems do spill over but this is the first time we went this long without making love even when the other stuff was going on. About a month and a half ago me and my wife were the way we were before the cheating and I miss it.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

No offense intended now, and you're welcome to do whatever you like. But something like that seems like it could be relevant to your situation, even if things seemed like they were ok for a bit. 

Good luck! I hope you get things worked out.

C


----------

