# want my family back.. mother of son



## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

Well my fiance (23) and I (26) have been going through this rollercoaster. We've only been together for 2.5 years and have a son that is 22 months old. We've broken up a few times only to get back together. This time it's much more serious. It has been about 2 months since we broke up. I did the who cry, beg, plead, call, text and didn't give her space. Only in the past couple weeks have I stopped all of that and i bring it up here and there. There is nobody else I am sure as I still have access to all her social media and phone stuff.

In January before we broke up we were talking about the house I recently closed escrow on and how we were moving out of our parents and going to really start being just our family and raising our son. She was SO excited about furnishing, paint and all. 

We broke up because of little arguments and the fact that I talked to people she didn't like (and hid it) about our relationship to get advice and she thought I was putting our business out there. It happened more than once. Even though she told me to stop.. yeah stupid. I did this because she never gave me the time and day to sit down and communicate with her. Also I guess the fact that I work, take care of our son, and the stresses of life, I just didn't focus on what she was telling me and some of it went in one ear and out the other..

I still see my son everyday still when I get off work I go there and she still wants us to put him to sleep together in the same bed and I leave when he falls asleep. Now in the past 2 weeks she wants me to spend the night to fall asleep with him.

When I do bring up things she says things like:
_i dont want to be together
i dont love you anymore
we are never getting back together
you need to move on and start the next chapter of life_

I am currently reading forums, Divorce Remedy, Love Must Be Tough 

I've already started to change by not contacting the people she didn't like. Both our families want us to work out and eventually get married. 

I already barely get to be with my son because I'm at work all day.. I don't want it to be any less. Any advice from anyone with kids on getting the mother of their child back? It just seems like she wants space but I don't know... it breaks my heart and kills me inside and I really want my family back.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

This is very similar to my current situation. I've done the pleading, begging, crying, etc. But all these actions will push her away even more. Try to do the 180 and see if it makes a difference. I pushed her too far and our separation is even worse than it first started. 

I know how you feel when she says that you two are done and never getting back together. But at some point you will learn that it is a one sided battle and you're never going to win since the other side doesn't even want to play ball. I'm at that point where I have no more left to give and all I can really do is be patient because she has stated that she will be filing next month; which I'm dreading since I still care for her a lot and I'm still hoping for a change of mind or even a slight second chance.

Keep your head up and try to focus on yourself. She will see a difference in you. Good luck!


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

it hurts so bad... it is the hardest thing. just a couple months ago she was so excited to move in and things were fine then all of a sudden it's an entire 360 and she wants nothing to do with me and acts cold and a complete stranger


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Please look for evidence of another man in her life.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

There is no OM I am 100% sure. I have access to her email, phone, social media

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Were these friends you were getting relationship "advice" from female?

How can you be 100% certain there is no OM? What investigating have you done?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Check phone records. Put a var in her car.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

Yes they were advice from female friends, it was truly advice, she even saw some of the messages and knows there was nothing else going on.

Yes I do have access to all her text, calls, social media, email... I know there is nobody else

As of right now I still see my son everyday, should I still be putting him to sleep with her? Yesterday I did a 180 and left saying imma go cuz "you probably don't want me here" she wondered and said why then quickly changed her attitude saying "ok"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

Thats what I thought.... bad move with the female friends and then hiding it. Your explanation is not entirely believable.

And again, what have you DONE to investigate?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

thanks for all your responses and input by the way. 

again, I am sure. I've read every in and out text, and see who she calls, and have gps access to her mobile. 

regarding female friends, yes it was a bad move that's why i've owned up to it. it was plainly advice, she has even seen the messages, no reason to lie on here when i'm trying to get honest advice on getting my fiance back. an example was a mutual friend she lived with, we were both very close to her but when me and my fiance started talked she was telling me "bad" things about my fiance so they grew apart. I never listened and ignored that part but mainly asked her for advice. 

at the moment what do you think about me putting him to sleep with her. she wants me to spend a couple days on the weekend to sleep over and be there with my son.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> thanks for all your responses and input by the way.
> 
> again, I am sure. I've read every in and out text, and see who she calls, and have gps access to her mobile.
> 
> ...


Your son is too young to realize what's going on. Try to ween her away from having you there, but do everything in your power to be there for your son. You want your son to have that fatherly figure image in his head at an early age.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

She doesn't need me there, its just I want to be there with him. Is it better that I not be there to put him to sleep? 

any advice on reconciliation?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> She doesn't need me there, its just I want to be there with him. Is it better that I not be there to put him to sleep?
> 
> any advice on reconciliation?


I know you want to be there for him, are you guys living in separate households? If so, (like in my case) its very hard when your wife has him for the night and all you want is to be there for him and put him to bed. With my current situation I would call my wife, or have her call me when its bed time, so we can say a prayer together and say good night. My son is only 2 (turning 3 next month) but he loves it. Although it breaks my heart everytime since I don't like our current situation..

As far as reconciliation goes, follow the 180 rules and all the advice that you see in the other posts because a slight deviation from it can be devastating. I tried to follow the 180 but it was too late.. the damage was so severe that our marriage was dead no matter how much I tried.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

yes we are in different household, what happens is i go there after work and then hang out then put him to sleep. On weekends I stay overnight at put him to sleep. My son is about to turn 2. How do I know if it is too late? it has been 3 months


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> yes we are in different household, what happens is i go there after work and then hang out then put him to sleep. On weekends I stay overnight at put him to sleep. My son is about to turn 2. How do I know if it is too late? it has been 3 months


3 months, well you made if further than I did. We've only been separated for 2 months and she's already made up her mind and filing when she gets back from training in mid April. 

Do you want to reconcile? Does she want to reconcile? If its a one-sided battle its gonna be hard but not impossible.


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## LovingHusband414 (Feb 8, 2013)

I was in a similar situation, my W and I have been separated for almost 3 months now, rocky first month, better second month in which I started the whole begging and pleading behavior. DON'T do that, these guys are right, it pushes them further away. Back way off, give her space and let her come to you.

I started the 180 a couple weeks ago when I came to this forum, in the last few days I can tell my W is starting to notice a difference in me and she's started fishing for communication. Concentrate on YOU and make yourself better...start reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" ASAP


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Whether she's willing to reconcile with you obviously depends on how much damage she feels you did by lying to her about your female friends. Right now, she's the only one who knows that. And if she's not willing to talk to you about it at the moment then you'll have to wait until she is. So you will have to be patient.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

thank you... yes I do have to be patient that is the hard part and need to start doing 180s ITS TOUGH because I feel we are drifting further and further apart from this time apart. 

I had good intentions because I was trying to get advice to better us but made stupid bad decisions in going about it


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

misdemeanor said:


> 3 months, well you made if further than I did. We've only been separated for 2 months and she's already made up her mind and filing when she gets back from training in mid April.
> 
> Do you want to reconcile? Does she want to reconcile? If its a one-sided battle its gonna be hard but not impossible.


Yes I do want to reconcile. From the statements she made as stated in my opening post she doesnt seem like she wants to at the moment. I know for face she's not seeing anybody. but she is consistently going to the gym and eating better. Both our families want to see us married and raise more children.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> Yes I do want to reconcile. From the statements she made as stated in my opening post she doesnt seem like she wants to at the moment. I know for face she's not seeing anybody. but she is consistently going to the gym and eating better. Both our families want to see us married and raise more children.


Ok. Continue to work on yourself, no matter how hard times get. She will come around, if not, then just know that you did everything in your power to make it work.

She's doing the same thing, going to the gym, working on herself and staying healthy. Has there been any self-esteem issues between you two? Or have you two ever judged each others looks?


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

i really hope she does come around.. regarding self esteem issues we don't really have any. She is very attractive and wouldnt have a hard time attracting guys. Myself in athletic shape as well, though I would say I'm on a level below her as far as attractiveness.

By the way only a handfull of people know we "broke up" she doesnt tell anybody and still keeps our family pictures up on facebook and around the house. She does not wear her engagement ring anymore however.

a questions for people.. I give her $250 a month just to spend on the baby and whatever she wants to buy him. I still buy diapers, wipes, clothes, food, and all... should I still give her that money? Should I increase it (she has hinted in the past that it "isnt enough")?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

No good EVER comes from lying about opposite sex friends. I wouldn't go along with that either. Just sayin.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

lifeistooshort said:


> No good EVER comes from lying about opposite sex friends. I wouldn't go along with that either. Just sayin.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah definitely learned the hard way, I even showed her the texts and showed me texting them to not bother me again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> i really hope she does come around.. regarding self esteem issues we don't really have any. She is very attractive and wouldnt have a hard time attracting guys. Myself in athletic shape as well, though I would say I'm on a level below her as far as attractiveness.
> 
> By the way only a handfull of people know we "broke up" she doesnt tell anybody and still keeps our family pictures up on facebook and around the house. She does not wear her engagement ring anymore however.
> 
> a questions for people.. I give her $250 a month just to spend on the baby and whatever she wants to buy him. I still buy diapers, wipes, clothes, food, and all... should I still give her that money? Should I increase it (she has hinted in the past that it "isnt enough")?


Well that's a good sign that she still has pictures around the house. My wife brought everything down; if it had my face in it, down it went. She still cares very much, you just have to be patient. 

Regarding the money situation. Just provide for your family as you normally would've done in the past. Don't worry about the money, its a material thing. Worry about your family's future.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

what's the deal?! when I'm there, she's nice but then she gets angry. It's like two personalities and they turn off and on when I'm around

another thing with her is that if we were separated, nothing would impact her except the part of me not being there as much, she doesnt get to go shopping, and she has to do her own HW (yes I would help her with her college hw). Her mom provides EVERYTHING and help with our son since she doesn't have to work and the primary caretaker. It's like I even try and help but they dont let me!!! She has everything handed to her on a silver platter.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I'm going to have to call BS on this opposite sex friends thing. Unless your wife is VERY insecure and a grudge-holder, this is no reason to separate from you. Sorry, but in my opinion this is not the source of the problem. There's something else. I'm not saying it has to be 'somebody' else, but there's something else going on with her. Maybe she does think she can do better and doesn't want to be treated as a second class citizen by you, but it shows a real lack of commitment and love on her part. 

Spend as much time as you can with your son. And make sure he gets enough money. 

Sorry, I don't understand why she should be the one to have him all the time. What did you do wrong?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> what's the deal?! when I'm there, she's nice but then she gets angry. It's like two personalities and they turn off and on when I'm around
> 
> another thing with her is that if we were separated, nothing would impact her except the part of me not being there as much, she doesnt get to go shopping, and she has to do her own HW (yes I would help her with her college hw). Her mom provides EVERYTHING and help with our son since she doesn't have to work and the primary caretaker. It's like I even try and help but they dont let me!!! She has everything handed to her on a silver platter.


I know exactly how you feel about the split personality issue.. my stbxw does the same thing, it because she hates when I'm around her, she's only nice when we're on the phone. Like I said, in my situation, the damage has been done and the ship is slowly sinking.. My advice to you is just ignore get when she's being a b!tch and acknowledge her when's she's not. I hope that you guys don't express angry behavior in front of your child, that's also never good. 

Again.. I know how you feel about her having EVERYTHING given to her. My stbxw has everything here, she has the house (which I will probably fight for), she has the money (well deserved, good paying job, kudos for her but I don't care much about money), and she has the life that I helped build only to be thrown out of our family. When you help build a good future for your family, then to be exiled from it hurts.. Don't stop helping out as much as you can for your son. Do it for him and don't worry about them; he is YOUR son and you have every legal right to do everything in your power to see him, to make sure he's taken care of, and most importantly to ensure his HAPPINESS! 

You guys aren't legally separated, there isn't a custody battle just keep doing what your doing for him. Keep your spirits up Steve! I'll keep you in my prayers!


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## vwzach182 (Mar 19, 2013)

I really can relate to your story Steve. The people here are giving you some really good advice and I am paying attention too for my own sake. The begging, pleading, pushing stuff seems to be the absolutely worst thing to do. I know how hard it is, I go through it every second we are together trying to keep my mouth shut. I have lately been trying to show no objections to my ex setting herself up in the spare bedroom. It is making her feel better and it's taking the pressure off of both of us. It's still so hard when she says that she is going to bed and she knows it. This only makes her want to stay in the room just for my sake and then she starts to dread saying it and then she starts to resent me. Now I've been acting like I don't care when she wants to go to bed. I just smile and say good night in a happy way and it helps to take the pressure off of us both. 
Maybe when the two of you are together you could just stick to saying one nice thing about her during your visit, focus only on your son and when it's time to leave do it without any gloom or drama. Maybe a quick "I had a nice time seeing you and the baby tonight, you look really pretty today, have a good night." with a smile. It shows that you are respecting her decision, that you are fine without her, that you are still there for her but perfectly happy. You'll feel better about yourself and you will still be giving her the space she feels that she needs. Then again maybe I'm an idiot but what I try to remember is that I'm still in her life and if I focus on being the best man and father that I can be for my own sake she's bound to notice and if she doesn't then it is her loss. I will still be a better man and father at the end of this all one way or another and that's the most awesome thing of all. I feel really good about that. The other thing I see in my own situation at least is that things couldn't really keep going the way things were. We never would have lasted and neither of us was really truly happy. It took something huge like this for me personally to change and I'm glad that it happened and woke me up. I hope that we can still be together and if that happens we will both be better off now. 

Sorry for all the rambling but its just some of the things that Ive been thinking that I thought you could maybe relate to.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

first off I want thank everyone that has taken the time to read and respond. It feels great that there are people that care and who are willing to take time out of their already hectic days to respond

i will do all i can to follow all the advice and examples everyone is giving. if anyone has anything else just say so... i will do anything to have my family back. and yes it is stupid that it had to take something like this for me to wake the hell up thinking the little things dont matter. hurts that the girl i use to make love to and were crazy over each other gets disgusted when i just brush her on accident..... im praying for everybody during these tough times


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> first off I want thank everyone that has taken the time to read and respond. It feels great that there are people that care and who are willing to take time out of their already hectic days to respond
> 
> i will do all i can to follow all the advice and examples everyone is giving. if anyone has anything else just say so... i will do anything to have my family back. and yes it is stupid that it had to take something like this for me to wake the hell up thinking the little things dont matter. hurts that the girl i use to make love to and were crazy over each other gets disgusted when i just brush her on accident..... im praying for everybody during these tough times


You're very welcome Steve! Keep doing what your doing. Keep your eye on the prize (Getting your family back together). Keep yourself healthy and keep your spirits up.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

well yesterday she went out, (i knew she was out with her best friend) so i asked her "how was your date" she responded "it was good" so i was just chillin and she came up to me and said "why are you upset, i went with debbie". But then the next day she started calling me by my first name, but we had a good conversion and laughed alot about the comedy she just watched. All this back and forth what is going on????????


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

How do you know she was out with her best friend?

Is Debbie someone who would cover for her going on a date with a man?

Steve, there's something fishy about all of this. Just sayin'... you need to snoop more, brother.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

staystrong said:


> How do you know she was out with her best friend?
> 
> Is Debbie someone who would cover for her going on a date with a man?
> 
> Steve, there's something fishy about all of this. Just sayin'... you need to snoop more, brother.


like i've said in previous posts. i have access to all her txt, calls, and gps. shows contacts, numbers, and all. Thank you for your concern, I am actually surprised by reading everything on here, but very thankful and happy there is no OM.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

What was your motivation for staying friends with and lying about contact with your female friend? And why would you ask for advice from someone who tried to undermine your relationship with your fiancé? 

People do fall out of love without cheating and you have proved yourself untrustworthy.

How do you intend to prove you are a man worth staying with? Without being a doormat?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> like i've said in previous posts. i have access to all her txt, calls, and gps. shows contacts, numbers, and all. Thank you for your concern, I am actually surprised by reading everything on here, but very thankful and happy there is no OM.


Do you check her texts, calls and GPS everyday? This may be one thing that you should stop, but only if you have full trust in her. I know it can be hard with the thought of an OM her life but there comes a point where you will have to let go and stop being the overwatch. 

I did the same thing and it became a habit to check where she was, who she was calling and I always thought about what she was doing, even worse "who" she was doing. My STBXW eventually found out I was tracking her texts and factory reset her phone.. so at this point I don't know what's going on. I wasn't smart about it and reacted on a text stream that came through between her and a co worker (details are in my story). All this pushed her away even more.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

*LittleDeer* said:


> What was your motivation for staying friends with and lying about contact with your female friend? And why would you ask for advice from someone who tried to undermine your relationship with your fiancé?
> 
> People do fall out of love without cheating and you have proved yourself untrustworthy.
> 
> How do you intend to prove you are a man worth staying with? Without being a doormat?


it wasnt just one person, i stopped with her after one time but other as well, not all just females either. It wasnt a motivation but it was an outlet for me to seek advice. I hid it because I knew she wouldnt like it and yes I admit it was stupid. 

that is why i am here. To find ways and advice on how to prove to her that I am still a worth dad and fiance.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

misdemeanor said:


> Do you check her texts, calls and GPS everyday? This may be one thing that you should stop, but only if you have full trust in her. I know it can be hard with the thought of an OM her life but there comes a point where you will have to let go and stop being the overwatch.
> 
> I did the same thing and it became a habit to check where she was, who she was calling and I always thought about what she was doing, even worse "who" she was doing. My STBXW eventually found out I was tracking her texts and factory reset her phone.. so at this point I don't know what's going on. I wasn't smart about it and reacted on a text stream that came through between her and a co worker (details are in my story). All this pushed her away even more.


wow thats exactly what I do. I havent reacted to anything, I almost have then realized it was nothing. And yes you are right, it does push her away even more. it's easter and we usually go to church together and then go eat as a big family with her family but she hasn't even contacted me about seeing my son.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

so she invited me to easter lunch at olive garden with her family, not sure if its her mom's doing..... do i go?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> so she invited me to easter lunch at olive garden with her family, not sure if its her mom's doing..... do i go?


Don't go! Tell her you have plans, then she'll wonder what your doing (instead of the other ways around)


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> wow thats exactly what I do. I havent reacted to anything, I almost have then realized it was nothing. And yes you are right, it does push her away even more. it's easter and we usually go to church together and then go eat as a big family with her family but she hasn't even contacted me about seeing my son.


Don't make it a habit.. I'm still doing the same thing just without checking her text, calls and GPS. I constantly check FB for her online status... Call me crazy lol 

See my post above regarding you spending time with her. Try to spend more time with your son


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

****.... youre right about lunch. bad idea. just got back... son was sleepy so went back to her house, had a huge argument, she kept telling me how she doesnt want to be together we were arguing about the past and all the things that happened she started crying. and told me to leave. i asked for the engagement ring back and she was like here take it it doesnt mean anything.... stupid me couldnt bite my tongue cuz i wanted to be with my son even when he was sleeping.

Thank you for hearing me out and responding... it really helps


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> ****.... youre right about lunch. bad idea. just got back... son was sleepy so went back to her house, had a huge argument, she kept telling me how she doesnt want to be together we were arguing about the past and all the things that happened she started crying. and told me to leave. i asked for the engagement ring back and she was like here take it it doesnt mean anything.... stupid me couldnt bite my tongue cuz i wanted to be with my son even when he was sleeping.
> 
> Thank you for hearing me out and responding... it really helps


It's never going to be good as long as there's anger in both your hearts. Sometimes separation can help mend it and the heart will long for the other persons love and affection. I say this because it happened to me the first time my wife and I separated (8 months). We went back and forth with a LDR and fighting over the phone at times.

I know how much it hurts to hear the one you love say that "you have nothing..." I've heard it too many times. Most recently, my STBXW said that she has very little good memories of us together..

Keep your head up!


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

Well yesterday she called when my son woke up, we were fine, didn't argue or bring up anything. I left as soon as he fell asleep. I have to admit, it gets routine but it doesn't get any easier. At times when I wake up and think deeply about things it hurts and I feel so empty and a part of me is missing. I hate going to work because I just think about my family. Why do us guys have to learn and realize things at the last moment. 

One questions, say things don't work out... do I need to establish custody to protect my rights as a father. When I do mention things she does not want to go that route, though she probably would get more money.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> Well yesterday she called when my son woke up, we were fine, didn't argue or bring up anything. I left as soon as he fell asleep. I have to admit, it gets routine but it doesn't get any easier. At times when I wake up and think deeply about things it hurts and I feel so empty and a part of me is missing. I hate going to work because I just think about my family. Why do us guys have to learn and realize things at the last moment.
> 
> One questions, say things don't work out... do I need to establish custody to protect my rights as a father. When I do mention things she does not want to go that route, though she probably would get more money.


Have either of you discussed the custody issue? God forbid, if things don't work out you will need to fight for your son. But remember to be amicable about it and don't ever argue in front of your son. Courts usually favor the mother, but go to this website (dadsdivorce.com) and follow "The List". If you can't find it just Google "The List, Dads Divorce). There are things in there that you should follow, as I have been doing as of today.


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

Why don't you guys just split custody and have your son go over your house x number of days a week? Does she work?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

Here's the link to "The List"

Dads Divorce - The List :smthumbup:


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

an update:

yesterday we actually had a good day. we joked, talked, spent time with our son, helped each other change him, put vicks on him (he's sick), get his nighttime stuff together, and put him to sleep. I didn't bring up the relationship or us. I left after he fell asleep. Don't know how long I can do this for but I don't want it to get to a point where this is just routine and things just stay this way....

thanks for the link I will look into it. as for custody, she says doesnt want him spending the night yet because he is too "young" and that he needs his mom still. He is not breastfed. We'll see what happens I'll give this a little time... i miss my family so much!!!!! especially the weekends when we use to just go out and take our son places!!


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

misdemeanor said:


> Here's the link to "The List"
> 
> Dads Divorce - The List :smthumbup:


wow that is CRAZY, it a D really all that work and all that headache? Well I'm not married so I guess that makes things more simple?


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> an update:
> 
> yesterday we actually had a good day. we joked, talked, spent time with our son, helped each other change him, put vicks on him (he's sick), get his nighttime stuff together, and put him to sleep. I didn't bring up the relationship or us. I left after he fell asleep. Don't know how long I can do this for but I don't want it to get to a point where this is just routine and things just stay this way....
> 
> thanks for the link I will look into it. as for custody, she says doesnt want him spending the night yet because he is too "young" and that he needs his mom still. He is not breastfed. We'll see what happens I'll give this a little time... i miss my family so much!!!!! especially the weekends when we use to just go out and take our son places!!


Glad things went well. I wish that my STBXW and I would be able to the the same things... Yes, you are right, you can't make it a habit; don't make her get comfortable where your relationship is now, make a change with her.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> wow that is CRAZY, it a D really all that work and all that headache? Well I'm not married so I guess that makes things more simple?


Sorry I keep forgetting that you guys aren't married.. Yup my first step will be to move back in. My STBXW and I actually had a talk (over the phone) and it meant a lot to me because its was more than we'd usually say to each other. We talked about our son and what we're going to do with the house. She wants to talk again tonight.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

How's it going Steve? Any updates?


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## evolution (Mar 31, 2013)

misdemeanor said:


> This is very similar to my current situation. I've done the pleading, begging, crying, etc. But all these actions will push her away even more. Try to do the 180 and see if it makes a difference. I pushed her too far and our separation is even worse than it first started.
> 
> I know how you feel when she says that you two are done and never getting back together. But at some point you will learn that it is a one sided battle and you're never going to win since the other side doesn't even want to play ball. I'm at that point where I have no more left to give and all I can really do is be patient because she has stated that she will be filing next month; which I'm dreading since I still care for her a lot and I'm still hoping for a change of mind or even a slight second chance.
> 
> Keep your head up and try to focus on yourself. She will see a difference in you. Good luck!


its funny because I feel the same way about my wife currently. Im playing and ready but she doesnt want to come and join. Please keep me updated on what happens to you my friend. thanks, but your advice is true.


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

misdemeanor said:


> How's it going Steve? Any updates?


Hey misdemeanor, things seem to be the same. i am at the house right now and we talk, joke, make conversation, she converses with me but nothing relationship wise. she even starts conversations with me about random things.

tonight she said "i know you're reading books and things so why don't you just give me space" she didn't look into the details of any of the books but just saw the titles. she did get annoyed that I posted on facebook and instagram something along the lines of "i would never give up on them (my family)" and she said "even though it doesnt say im single, we're not together, stop posting things about us, it's annoying". 

I don't know what to take from all this, I admit, I havent been truly doing the 180. thank you all for taking the time to read my thread and if anyone has any more advice to help mend my family let me know!!


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> Hey misdemeanor, things seem to be the same. i am at the house right now and we talk, joke, make conversation, she converses with me but nothing relationship wise. she even starts conversations with me about random things.
> 
> tonight she said "i know you're reading books and things so why don't you just give me space" she didn't look into the details of any of the books but just saw the titles. she did get annoyed that I posted on facebook and instagram something along the lines of "i would never give up on them (my family)" and she said "even though it doesnt say im single, we're not together, stop posting things about us, it's annoying".
> 
> I don't know what to take from all this, I admit, I havent been truly doing the 180. thank you all for taking the time to read my thread and if anyone has any more advice to help mend my family let me know!!


I'm glad that you guys are still able to communicate freely, you might want to try and talk about your relationship, even if she doesn't want to talk about it. Talk about your family, talk about your baby, when things start to get tense. 

Don't let her in when it comes to your self-improvement, let her wonder what you're doing, let her see that you are changing, let her want to be a part of your life and to be happy with you. That's goal of the 180!


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



evolution said:


> its funny because I feel the same way about my wife currently. Im playing and ready but she doesnt want to come and join. Please keep me updated on what happens to you my friend. thanks, but your advice is true.


I have two other threads that I'm updating check them out!


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

what sucks is that there are girls that want to hang out of the very few people who know we are having problems. When I was single yeah it would be over!!! but I love my fiance and I don't want to put myself in any situation.


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

gssteve said:


> what sucks is that there are girls that want to hang out of the very few people who know we are having problems. When I was single yeah it would be over!!! but I love my fiance and I don't want to put myself in any situation. If you guys have facebook or instagram you can follow me and put a face to the


Be careful sharing your FB profile. Your fiance might be browsing through this forum


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

true even though she would never, better safe then sorry


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

Ok we had a quick 5 min talk she was annoyed here's what she said, "just cuz we aren't publicly separated we still aren't together, so don't act like we are and don't talk to me about us, everything you do annoys me and I don't care for it, you come over here for our son and I talk with you to make things normal and okay I don't want you to think that it gets you a chance for us to be together" she said it in the COLDEST way possible and an attitude. 

What do you guys take from this? It seems she knows she is wrong for "walking away" even though I did the wrong things?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> Ok we had a quick 5 min talk she was annoyed here's what she said, "just cuz we aren't publicly separated we still aren't together, so don't act like we are and don't talk to me about us, everything you do annoys me and I don't care for it, you come over here for our son and I talk with you to make things normal and okay I don't want you to think that it gets you a chance for us to be together" she said it in the COLDEST way possible and an attitude.
> 
> What do you guys take from this? It seems she knows she is wrong for "walking away" even though I did the wrong things?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's just trying to hurt you.. my STBXW did the same thing, just recently she texted me every single bad thing she could've said to me and a lot of it really hurt, but what it comes down to is how you handle it and how you respond. I said a few things back to my STBXW, but nothing was said that I would've regretted. She eventually apologized, regretted saying any of it, and told me she didn't mean it. 

Don't put yourself in the wrong and don't blame yourself for her walking away! You might've done a few things that would've pushed her away, but ultimately it was her decision to walk away. 

Keep your head up!

PS I messaged you on FB


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

im so tired of this rollercoaster and her getting the say of when i get to see my son. So this is how it works... M-TH I see him after work and I put him to sleep and leave about 11:30/12 at night. Then Friday night I spend the night 1 time to sleep with him. Saturday and Sunday I still go over and see him. My son is 2, is that fair?

im thinking about filing for custody..... but that would just end things altogether


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

*Re: Re: want my family back.. mother of son*



gssteve said:


> im so tired of this rollercoaster and her getting the say of when i get to see my son. So this is how it works... M-TH I see him after work and I put him to sleep and leave about 11:30/12 at night. Then Friday night I spend the night 1 time to sleep with him. Saturday and Sunday I still go over and see him. My son is 2, is that fair?
> 
> im thinking about filing for custody..... but that would just end things altogether


You should do everything to keep your son happy. I know its a burden on you but you must make the sacrifices to create a life for your family. Not your family making sacrifices for you. 

Filing for custody would end it all. I would think about that first.. my STBXW and I agreed to joint custody; in the long run it will be good for our son, although it will be very hard for us. Like I said "Make sacrifices for your family" and not the other way around. 

(its 4 in the morning.. I should get some sleep)


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## gssteve (Mar 26, 2013)

well last night i heard her talking to her brother about some guy she use to date and now dating some other girl and i dont know what happened but i flipped and confronted her about it. I told her if she was jealous and wanted to be with him we should've never been together in the first place. She hasnt had contact with him or anything. 

Bad idea as she got angry and just told me things like "i just dont want to be in a relationship with you, you already know the reasons why"


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## misdemeanor (Mar 5, 2013)

gssteve said:


> well last night i heard her talking to her brother about some guy she use to date and now dating some other girl and i dont know what happened but i flipped and confronted her about it. I told her if she was jealous and wanted to be with him we should've never been together in the first place. She hasnt had contact with him or anything.
> 
> Bad idea as she got angry and just told me things like "i just dont want to be in a relationship with you, you already know the reasons why"


Not a good move on your part. Should've just let it go..


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