# Vent: All Women Can Have Vaginal Orgasms



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

This is a big ol' vent........While researching some of the recommendations provided to me by well meaning and kind TAMMERs, I came across a video where the presenter, a self-proclaimed "sex expert" who helps men improve their relationships, claims a woman's inability to experience a vaginal orgasm, or alternatively that a woman can only have clitorial orgasms, is a lie. He claims that ALL woman are able to have vaginal orgasms and that the 70% of woman who don't are setting themselves up with "self-limiting beliefs". His truth: it's not anatomical...all women have a vagina and a brain therefore all should be able to have vaginal orgasms. :surprise: If it were only that easy.

So, what are the "invented reasons" (his words) why women can't experience vaginal orgasm: 1) chemical (prescription drug), 2) emotional (sexual abuse trauma, abandonment, low self-esteem, trust issues, inability to lose control to pleasure), or 3) self-consciousness (women feel like their going to pee so don't let themselves enjoy the feeling). 

Whether intentional or not, the presenter's line of thinking basically calls out the 70% of women who don't orgasm vaginally as somehow defective. He basically states we're head cases - either chemically dependent, have low self-esteem or sexual trauma, or control freaks. He discounts all of the scientific evidence proving otherwise. WTF! 

This is exactly the kind of stupidity we do not need to continue to relay to men as fact. It's far from fact and probably causing more harm than good. 

...End Vent!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

So translation...''men, don't feel pressured to doing more than sticking your d*ck in a woman. It's her fault if she can't get off.''

Wow, he must be AMAZINGGGGG in bed lol


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> This is exactly the kind of stupidity we do not need to continue to relay to men as fact. It's far from fact and probably causing more harm than good.
> 
> ...End Vent!


According to "Come as You Are" which is a book on female sexuality, it describes a vaginal orgasm to be the anatomical equivalent of a prostate orgasm for men. 

In my opinion, can ALL men have prostate orgasms, YES! The reasons they can NOT would be the exactly same as you described above.

What is VERY interesting with regards to male sexuality is that many (if not the majority of) men simply do not care enough about their prostates to even bother to explore this, and they live life perfectly happy having never experienced it. Yet we expect women to be able to do it on command when we are young and misguided!

If you read first hand accounts of men learning how to orgasm via the prostate, it takes a long time just to figure out how to meditate and even feel anything. Many are like, "I just don't feel anything" and give up!

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lila said:


> This is a big ol' vent........While researching some of the recommendations provided to me by well meaning and kind TAMMERs, I came across a video where the presenter, a self-proclaimed "sex expert" who helps men improve their relationships, claims a woman's inability to experience a vaginal orgasm, or alternatively that a woman can only have clitorial orgasms, is a lie. He claims that ALL woman are able to have vaginal orgasms and that the 70% of woman who don't are setting themselves up with "self-limiting beliefs". His truth: it's not anatomical...all women have a vagina and a brain therefore all should be able to have vaginal orgasms. :surprise: If it were only that easy.
> 
> So, what are the "invented reasons" (his words) why women can't experience vaginal orgasm: 1) chemical (prescription drug), 2) emotional (sexual abuse trauma, abandonment, low self-esteem, trust issues, inability to lose control to pleasure), or 3) self-consciousness (women feel like their going to pee so don't let themselves enjoy the feeling).
> 
> ...


I totally get what you are saying here, and from what you said, it seems as if his presentation was really off-putting and condescending, probably because he has those types of attitudes.

The thing is, there may me a grain of truth in his message from the standpoint of women can sometimes be their own worst enemies when it comes to their sexuality.

The fine line and sort of double edged sword is that implying that a woman who can't O vaginally is defective is not much different in the end than telling her she won't be able to anyway, so why bother.

I have a feeling that there are many women out there who short change themselves when it comes to what their body is capable of by simply not bothering to explore because of conventional wisdom. My wife is a perfect anecdotal example of this. When we first began dating, before we were sexually active together, she was pretty open with the fact that she could only O about half the time, only in specific positions, rarely with oral, and never through PIV. I think her exact words about PIV were "I'm one of the lucky 70% that isn't wired right." Yes, she threw that number out there.

I took her at her word because she had been sexually active for over 25 years, and had been with 30 some different men. Surely she knew what she was talking about. I hardly consider myself some great lover, and never made some concerted effort to prove her wrong about her orgasmic ability...but we blew everything she thought she knew out of the water from the very first time we were together, to the point now, four years later, she O's at will in any position, and she has PIV O's virtually every time we have PIV sex.

I guess my point is, I think it is important for women to not let conventional wisdom dictate how their bodies respond sexually...whether it is being told they are defective by some jerk on the internet, or by simply accepting conventional wisdom without exploring it for themselves, and never giving up.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

What about a clitoral orgasm from intercouse? My wife would routinely (85% or more of the time) have an orgasm from front entry (missionary, forward cowgirl) intercourse but never from any rear entry positions. She needed the stimulation of her clit, not sure if it was the penis or pelvic bone.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Maybe he doesn't like the idea that clitoral-only orgasms don't require a penis.
> 
> I had no idea that this was "a thing" until recently. "Women who don't O vaginally are defective". Then I learned that Freud believed in it. So, it's been around for a while.
> 
> ...


The speaker did make it a point to direct the men to his 'how to g-spot massage" video which makes no sense to me. I mean, according to him, women who can't have vaginal o's are defective so wouldn't the first step in the process be to work on the "invented reasons"? Based on his logic, no amount of g-spot massaging is going to make these women O. :| 



notmyrealname4 said:


> And if a man O's really quickly; you do something else. You work around it.
> 
> Just take the information that you find useful, Lila; and ignore stuff that is unhelpful and distressing. *You don't need that kind of negative idea floating around in your head right now, while you're working on other sexual issues with Mr.Lila*.


No worries NMR. I take most stuff out there with a grain of salt but I do think it's important to share this sort of misinformation.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

badsanta said:


> According to "Come as You Are" which is a book on female sexuality, it describes a vaginal orgasm to be the anatomical equivalent of a prostate orgasm for men.
> 
> In my opinion, can ALL men have prostate orgasms, YES! The reasons they can NOT would be the exactly same as you described above.
> 
> ...



Here's the problem that I have with the theory that all men or all women are capable of experiencing prostate or vaginal orgasms. It's essentially claiming that because we have the particular body part, that we should all respond the same way. While Nagoski does claim that anatomically we should all be able to experience vaginal or prostate orgasms, it's the minute details that make all of the difference. 

Generally speaking, yes, we all have lots of nerve ends in our genitals that allow for sexual pleasure however the number, clusters, _exact_ location (very important), and even sensitivity thresholds are different for each individual. Oh yeah, and most of these variables change throughout our lives so what might have worked in our youth, stops working as we age. So even if it was technically true, and all women could have vaginal orgasms, the effort to figure out the combination is overwhelming and liable to cause more stress than anything else.

I think there should be _no_ expectation for women to have vaginal orgasms. It just adds another opportunity for feelings of inadequacy where none should even exist.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lila said:


> The speaker did make it a point to direct the men to his 'how to g-spot massage" video which makes no sense to me. I mean, according to him, women who can't have vaginal o's are defective so wouldn't the first step in the process be to work on the "invented reasons"? Based on his logic, no amount of g-spot massaging is going to make these women O. :|
> 
> 
> 
> No worries NMR. I take most stuff out there with a grain of salt but I do think it's important to share this sort of misinformation.


Looking at the "invented" reasons...



> So, what are the "invented reasons" (his words) why women can't experience vaginal orgasm: 1) chemical (prescription drug), 2) emotional (sexual abuse trauma, abandonment, low self-esteem, trust issues, inability to lose control to pleasure), or 3) self-consciousness (women feel like their going to pee so don't let themselves enjoy the feeling).


Those are all some pretty real inhibitors to sexual enjoyment for both men and women...


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> I totally get what you are saying here, and from what you said, it seems as if his presentation was really off-putting and condescending, probably because he has those types of attitudes.


Here's the video for reference.

https://youtu.be/GkT1MxxiaCE



samyeagar said:


> The thing is, there may me a grain of truth in his message from the standpoint of women can sometimes be their own worst enemies when it comes to their sexuality.
> 
> The fine line and sort of double edged sword is that implying that a woman who can't O vaginally is defective is not much different in the end than telling her she won't be able to anyway, so why bother.
> 
> ...



I agree that women shouldn't limit themselves on what they can or cannot do but I think once you look at the video you'll understand why I started this thread. It's the word ALL that comes before 'women are capable of vaginal orgasms' that angers me. No, not ALL women can and stating that the reasons are mental defect is ludicrous.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

CharlieParker said:


> What about a clitoral orgasm from intercouse? My wife would routinely (85% or more of the time) have an orgasm from front entry (missionary, forward cowgirl) intercourse but never from any rear entry positions. She needed the stimulation of her clit, not sure if it was the penis or pelvic bone.


Research shows that women who orgasm typically do so from clitoral stimulation. Front entry positions provide grinding. Move around just the right way and voila - fireworks. :smile2:


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Looking at the "invented" reasons...
> 
> 
> 
> Those are all some pretty real inhibitors to sexual enjoyment for both men and women...


Agreed, but they are not the only ones and they are not unique to women. He discounts legitimate reasons as 'lies'.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Lila said:


> Here's the video for reference.
> 
> https://youtu.be/GkT1MxxiaCE
> 
> ...


I'll take your word for it on the video. I have a limited number of minutes in my life, and appreciate the warning not to waste any of them on something that I will likely agree with you on...your word is good enough for me 

Any time people talk in absolutes, the rest of their message should automatically be suspect, but not necessarily dismissed.

His message, from a general guys perspective is also difficult to process, because if all women are capable of vaginal O's, and there is a list of things to overcome, a lot of guys will feel defective if they can't get their woman there.

Just like how, and you may be able to relate to this a bit, especially recently...the idea that all guys are walking hardon's, ready and willing to go with a change in breeze...and a lot of women intellectually know better, but still take it personally when their man does not conform to that way of thinking...


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Lila said:


> I take most stuff out there with a grain of salt but I do think it's important to share this sort of misinformation.


But @Lila misinformation can actually make sex fun! It is all about having the right attitude.

:grin2:

Did you know that men can actually "think" with our penises. It works similar to the way a person finds underground/hidden water sources with divining rods. Except with our penises we always seem to find porn and lots of it!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

CharlieParker said:


> What about a clitoral orgasm from intercouse? My wife would routinely (85% or more of the time) have an orgasm from front entry (missionary, forward cowgirl) intercourse but never from any rear entry positions. She needed the stimulation of her clit, not sure if it was the penis or pelvic bone.


I am the opposit and cannot orgasm during missionary.
@Lila, I think whoever that dude was he must have been close buddies with Freud who taught that clitoral orgasms were for women who hadn't sexually matured, regardless of age. He taught that intercourse was the healthy and mature way for women to learn to orgasm and felt those who couldn't orgasm that way had some psychosexual trauma. Which was 100% bullsh!t.

I don't know why some women can and some can't but I think it has a lot to do with actual physiology. Why are some people ticklish and others are not? Has nothing to do with emotional issues or some sort of trauma, it's just the way their nerves interpret sensation. I am super ticklish but my oldest daughter isn't ticklish at all, anywhere.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

An orgasm is an orgasm it doesn't matter where it comes from. Some women can orgasm from nipple stimulation. Some can orgasm without even being touched. The clitoris is the easiest way for us to have them - we put far too much pressure on ourselves to do things a certain way rather than just playing. In 20 years of marriage I bet I have orgasmed during PIV only a handful of times and each time I had a vibrator on my clitoris. It's a lovely experience for both of us but not the holy grail. It is very freeing to have sex with no goals or aims in mind other than to just enjoy the sensations of the moment. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4o7857mEvss
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6lBVTkpxnI

I believe everything that is said in these videos and it made me relax about my orgasms...and in turn made my partner relax and feel good.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*With all due respect to idiots, this charlatan is a total idiot; and all of the "sheep" who care to swill from his copius vat of "Kool-aid" are even bigger idiots!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Lila said:


> This is a big ol' vent........While researching some of the recommendations provided to me by well meaning and kind TAMMERs, I came across a video where the presenter, a self-proclaimed "sex expert" who helps men improve their relationships, claims a woman's inability to experience a vaginal orgasm, or alternatively that a woman can only have clitorial orgasms, is a lie. He claims that ALL woman are able to have vaginal orgasms and that the 70% of woman who don't are setting themselves up with "self-limiting beliefs". His truth: it's not anatomical...all women have a vagina and a brain therefore all should be able to have vaginal orgasms. :surprise: If it were only that easy.
> 
> So, what are the "invented reasons" (his words) why women can't experience vaginal orgasm: 1) chemical (prescription drug), 2) emotional (sexual abuse trauma, abandonment, low self-esteem, trust issues, inability to lose control to pleasure), or 3) self-consciousness (women feel like their going to pee so don't let themselves enjoy the feeling).
> 
> ...


Maybe it's Vagina Envy :grin2::grin2:


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

I did watch a documentary about this. 
A couple went to this place in Thailand with some sex guru. 
It was something to do with breathing intensely & the male limiting his thrusting. 
Apparently they both had full body orgasms! 
WTH is a full body one? 
Have many types of orgasms can one have? 
Anyway trying to get Mr A to agree not to thrust & keep an erection at the same time? 
Probably get peace quicker in a war torn country! 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

I think the whole notion of a vaginal orgasm is a myth. What they've discovered recently is that the clitoris is a massive structure that goes deep within the body. Like an iceberg. The gspot is the base and the visible clit is the tip. Some call it the female pens.

And stimulation of this structure feels different depending on our individual differences and where we are being stimulated. Also how we fit with our partners will be different. So one guy of a certain size and shape will feel differently than another guy. Physiology, not just technique. 

The whole she comes in 5 minutes from some thrusting is pure porn style male fantasy. All he needs is his erection and she comes instantly. Ha! Nice try, guys, but you need to bring more to the table than that. Like skill and consideration!


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

MrsAldi said:


> I did watch a documentary about this.
> A couple went to this place in Thailand with some sex guru.
> It was something to do with breathing intensely & the male limiting his thrusting.
> Apparently they both had full body orgasms!
> ...


I can't speak for my husband, but whoooo boy, does this feel good. He enters, does some usual thrusting, then pulls out, not too far, skips a few beats and then in again. Repeat. Do this with some clitoral stimulation and WOW. I highly recommend trying it.

IMHO a full body orgasm is just super intense, one where you can't he but scream and buck.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

wild jade said:


> I think the whole notion of a vaginal orgasm is a myth. What they've discovered recently is that the clitoris is a massive structure that goes deep within the body. Like an iceberg. The gspot is the base and the visible clit is the tip. Some call it the female pens.
> 
> And stimulation of this structure feels different depending on our individual differences and where we are being stimulated. Also how we fit with our partners will be different. So one guy of a certain size and shape will feel differently than another guy. Physiology, not just technique.


Right you are. As this MRI of the clitoris shows, there is a LOT more to the magical clit than that little nubbin usually associated as 'The Clitoris' This wonderful bundle of nerves wraps around the vagina and winds down through the perineum ending around the anus. 

View attachment 46641






> The whole she comes in 5 minutes from some thrusting is pure porn style male fantasy. All he needs is his erection and she comes instantly. Ha! Nice try, guys, but you need to bring more to the table than that. Like skill and consideration!


And a deep voice. >


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

**


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