# predicting another rejection



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Just read the thread "I'm just going to say it", and almost burst out laughing, not because it's funny, sorry, it just sounds verbatim from me I wonder if I woke up in the middle of the night, created another handle, and posted it. 

The night before last--rejected, can't remember the reason. (and before that, it was a bunch of attempts with oral, "bear-scare" and short PIV that left me wanting to work on getting a little more )

Last night--rejected, H said he had a very busy day and was tired. This was 9:30 pm (translation: very early in our time frame). I smiled and came up with the idea of lighting 2 small candles (we had never done that before, I do have perfume, lingeries, toys, gathering dust in the top drawer). Got in bed and H said "tomorrow you would stay with your Mom so I can rest" (my new "routine" of staying with my Mom after work on Sat). It's called "discussing daily plan" in our lingo, no need to pay attention to ambiance or other trivial stuff. 

I blew out the candles and tried to sleep. Probably 1-2 hrs passed and could not. Ended up again going to the other room and made some self-action. Gotta sleep because today is a working day. 

This morning I announced I would go to Mother's house, spend afternoon with her, have dinner with her, then come home. H was predictably surprised and said I should take the kid with me and stay there. I just said no that is my plan. 

I know 100% even if I come home instead of staying with Mom I would still get rejected tonight, but I will be cool about this because it's my right to try. If I want to get H into bed, no one can tell me to just stay in another house. I will talk with Mom and keep her company until after dinner. The current state of my physiology is so messed up I can barely think. Let me reiterate: I asked my ob/gyn before if there's a pill to kill libido and he stared at me like I was a pterodactyl. I tried. 

Talking to myself here mostly, sorry, it's alone the same line of the "hate" thread


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

What is bear-scare?

That sucks. I'm sorry your H is like this. But seriously what is bear-scare?


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Like I said on the other post, thank you for posting. It helps everyone to hear more examples of sex starved women, to kill the stereo type that "all men want sex all the time" and that women generally don't. This is a bullsh*t untrue stereo type, and the truth needs to be told so that HD women don't have to live in shame about it.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice, though. I'm pretty sure your H isn't going to change.


----------



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

I Don't Know said:


> What is bear-scare?


Ha ha ha sorry I typed so fast. Here's the link

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/192514-wishing-myself-luck.html


----------



## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

When one spouse feels they carry the lion's share of the ordinary, mundane work that keeps the family finances in tact and also feels they pick up the slack on the home front. 

The odds are pretty good they resent their spouse and you don't sexually desire the object of your resentment, Unfortunately that happens. 

Jennifer please understand I'm not saying he does carry the lions share- that is not the point -- he FEELS like he does. Change that and then you may have better luck in the bedroom.


----------



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

coffee4me said:


> Jennifer please understand I'm not saying he does carry the lions share- that is not the point -- he FEELS like he does. Change that and then you may have better luck in the bedroom.


That is fine, I know he feels that way, but it's getting more and more obvious I can't change that. 

We had this Mother issue before, so I started staying at my Mother's house instead of her coming over. 

I cooked every evening until the temp here soared to 102 and we ate take-outs for 2 nights

I typed up travel documents, contacted consulate for visa appointments (unfortunately all booked so we had to go back to the travel agent who "knows somebody there"), went with H to buy travel insurance and to get international travel permits for both of us, etc, etc, etc, etc

Already quit my pastry job, which was something I had planned all-along from the beginning (I had told the lady I would only help out until she found a full-time person). It was just an acknowledgement of my ability to be hired as a paid chef instead of a staging apprentice. 

But nothing makes a difference, and from my experience, probably won't. Not saying I won't be trying though.


----------



## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

jennifer1986 said:


> Just read the thread "I'm just going to say it", and almost burst out laughing, not because it's funny, sorry, it just sounds verbatim from me I wonder if I woke up in the middle of the night, created another handle, and posted it.
> 
> The night before last--rejected, can't remember the reason. (and before that, it was a bunch of attempts with oral, "bear-scare" and short PIV that left me wanting to work on getting a little more )
> 
> ...


I don't see my h for 2 weeks every two weeks. We talk about household stuff mostly when he's gone. When he gets home I get a peck hello...then the pre-emptive words start surfacing and I know that, even though I haven't seen him in a while, if I try to be intimate after he's already told me that he's too tired or whatever, I will get a no! So now I don't ask anymore when he comes home, because it wouldn't matter if I was naked in the window when he drove up the drive way,it ain't gonna happen.

One thing for sure, you are not alone. There are lots of women here in the same boat as you. Listen to what they say because they speak from experience. I'm looking forward to my next move. I have been so unhappy with my sex life for so long that the only thing worse would be if my marriage ended because of it. But then I don't really have a marriage without intimacy and sex. And it took me reading for hours on end here, the stories of men and women living very similar lives, to realize that I really don't have anything to lose by telling him that every time he turns me down he takes a piece of my soul away. It's heartbreaking.


----------



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Tango said:


> ......because it wouldn't matter if I was naked in the window when he drove up the drive way,it ain't gonna happen.
> .


Wahahaha(on my cell and can't use the ROFL emoticon), sorry, it's totally not funny, I'm laughing bitterly with you. 
I'm fit (size 0), with a great figure, now I wonder if I should place a craigslist ad (ROFL)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

jennifer1986 said:


> Wahahaha(*on my cell and can't use the ROFL emoticon*), sorry, it's totally not funny, I'm laughing bitterly with you.
> I'm fit (size 0), with a great figure, now I wonder if I should place a craigslist ad (ROFL)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You could probably type in :rofl: (literally that) to get it to work.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

I feel your pain OP, but maybe slightly differently. My husband has never outright told me "NO". But has rejected me in other ways. I can set the mood, strut around naked, throw myself at him, and he will not even bother looking my direction. He's way more interested in the computer screen or playing with the dogs. I've even written him a note telling him how pathetic I felt because I was jealous of the attention he was giving the dogs. 

He did once tell me that he didn't see a point in having sex with me because I would "just want it again in a few hours anyway." I didn't bother pointing out that that was due to one of two reasons: Either he finished first and didn't bother working on me, which is usually the case, OR I am so excited about FINALLY getting some, I want more. 

He also doesn't take subtlety AT ALL! The other night I slipped up behind him, wrapped my arms around him, and whispered "Know what you haven't done to me in a long time?" while lightly licking the edge of his ear. He just looked at me and said "what?" I walked away bewildered thinking maybe he would put it together. He didn't. Apparently if I want oral I need to do what he does and just apply light pressure to the top of his head while he's trying to sleep.


----------



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

MyHappyPlace said:


> Either he finished first and didn't bother working on me, which is usually the case, OR I am so excited about FINALLY getting some, I want more.


Ding Ding Ding Ding! Slot machine music, coins dropping (sadly, the latter is hardly heard these days in Vegas thanks to digital tickets)

Sigh, good and bad news. 

I *got* some, yesterday = good
Now want more = bad

But I don't know if this might help anyone else in the pathetic situation: I behaved a little differently last night. Well, first I had to tell my Mother sweetly but firmly I was coming home instead of staying with her. When she questioned why (she likes to question) instead of saying "because I would like my H to f$^$ me" (she might faint) I just said "need to take care of something". 

So after I got home and kicked kid to bed H was on phone staring intently @ WeChat. Then he said a friend just sent him a whole book in PDF format and he started reading it. 

I was like.....(1) I had to use tact and be careful with Mom just to come home (2) And (1) is because I was hoping you would pay some attention to me (3) I had gently insinuated for days my body is 1000 F degrees (4) H always accuses me of being on the computer but these days he's the one always on computer/cell with his college friends

But I happened to be reading a book on marriage fights, and somehow I could see my (1)(2)(3)(4) all neatly fall into the "_Find the Bad Guy_" category. Whatever, decided to put some laundry in and searched for his damn book on computer. I then told H to come to computer to read the book before he went blind on that cell phone. He came and I thought: really this is nothing bad, I enjoy reading and hate the fact H never reads. So I moved the lamp to the nearby chair and sat there to read my book. Laundry would take some time anyways. He finally said "phew, I can't possibly finish this book tonight". (Yeah that's because you never read so you are so slow  but this comment was NOT uttered). I shrugged and asked carefully~~~any interest in bed~~~~~(don't get hopes too high...ugh....)

Guy was agreeable~~~~hallelujah~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!

Next problem, of course, is that now brain is filled with possibilities. Further approach might result in hostility? The art is very tricky.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

You have to wonder sometimes how one man's dilemma is another man's delight.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MyHappyPlace said:


> He's way more interested in the computer screen or playing with the dogs. I've even written him a note telling him how pathetic I felt because I was jealous of the attention he was giving the dogs.



What kind of dogs are we talking about? A pair of playful Dachshunds would divert my attention from Martians landing at the parking lot of the Paducah Best Buy... Just kidding of course... 

Is he ADHD? Maybe sex and intimacy requires too much focus for him? Can he focus on other things for longer periods of time?


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

john117 said:


> What kind of dogs are we talking about? A pair of playful Dachshunds would divert my attention from Martians landing at the parking lot of the Paducah Best Buy... Just kidding of course...
> 
> Is he ADHD? Maybe sex and intimacy requires too much focus for him? Can he focus on other things for longer periods of time?


Big American Bulldogs. He thinks it is hilarious to fight with them and get them all riled up at 2-4 in the morning, potentially waking the children up. He seems to only think this is fun when two conditions are met. 1) within those time parameters, and 2) when I want some attention from him. As long as I'm ignoring him, he's ignoring the dogs.

He definitely is NOT ADHD. He can stare at a stupid computer for days on end without losing attention.

To tell you the truth, I'm giving up. I refuse to put on one more piece of sexy lingerie and then get so frustrated at being ignored that I end up throwing it away. I'm so tired of crying myself to sleep over something as ridiculous as sex. 

OP, I'm glad you got some last night. Hopefully it was at least satisfying for you. Sorry it left you wanting more, but I'll pray there can be a repeat performance in your near future.


----------



## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

All I can say is wow.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

More good and bad news

Good: got even *MORE*

Bad: hmmm, not sure...I'm getting scared what the future trend will be, Bear or Bull? 

(BTW, the "bear scare" was just about my H encountering a bear in the park and being soft that night~~~not the stock market)




intheory said:


> Has it always been this way?
> 
> I think mens' emotions affect their sex lives way more than is acknowledged. I think anger, resentment, worry, (whatever, name that emotion) causes them to lose desire and have "performance" issues.


(1) No, my situation is slightly different. My H was not always LD, the more accurate description is I "converted" to HD several years ago (ah, longggg story), and he became more and more LD, until recently he became soooo LD it's bordering on ND

(2) The RESENTMENT is typed in bold letters here, from H's side. I had quite a few posts about it. H is very critical of me and the things I do/don't do. I think this impinged big time on "performance".



JustARandomGal said:


> I'm in a sexless marriage myself and I've actually heard about pills that kill your libido, but I'm not sure it's a good idea (I try not to take pills unless I absolutely need them). Does get tiring, though, to continually self-satisfy just to get the urges out of the way, doesn't it?


I'm sure there are medications with the side effect of decreasing libidos. Most women (well, men too, sorry) not getting laid enough can probably use some antidepressants, which often would decrease libido. But heck, I would not treat "that" kind of depression with antidepressants. I am anti-medications (and I am a physician :lol



JustARandomGal said:


> Sorry you're in the same boat. How often do you and your H have sex anymore, if you don't mind me asking?


The next couple weeks would be an interesting meter. I don't know how much of a lucky dog I became but I got TWICE in a row! :rofl:There is a lot to be ruminated here though. My H even sighed today and said he thought he had lost all interest in sex. 

I read your post, and can identify in many aspects to an "otherwise good marriage except the sex part". Trust me, you don't have to leave the marriage, but you need to do something about it. It's never too late though.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

jennifer1986 said:


> More good and bad news
> 
> Good: got even *MORE*
> 
> Bad: hmmm, not sure...I'm getting scared what the future trend will be, Bear or Bull?



:smthumbup::smthumbup::smthumbup:
Fantastic news!


----------



## I Don't Know (Oct 8, 2013)

jennifer1986 said:


> (BTW, the "bear scare" was just about my H encountering a bear in the park and being soft that night~~~not the stock market)


Damn I was hoping it was some kinky sex thing I could try out.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

There's a reason I love Nikon cameras - they're bear proof (google Nikon bear attack)

View attachment 23938


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

Tango said:


> I don't see my h for 2 weeks every two weeks. We talk about household stuff mostly when he's gone. When he gets home I get a peck hello...then the pre-emptive words start surfacing and I know that, even though I haven't seen him in a while, if I try to be intimate after he's already told me that he's too tired or whatever, I will get a no! So now I don't ask anymore when he comes home, because it wouldn't matter if I was naked in the window when he drove up the drive way,it ain't gonna happen.
> 
> One thing for sure, you are not alone. There are lots of women here in the same boat as you. Listen to what they say because they speak from experience.


At the same time you shouldn't fall into the trap that it's "normal" to live without sex or affection.

For the past few months, I see my wife only every other weekend. As soon as I come home, and kids are not in the room, I have my hands down her pants playing with her butt, or under her top massaging her breasts, or I just pull her pants down and kiss her right there. Mind you, I do this even in the kitchen, although we stop when we hear children coming!

This isn't because I'm horny every moment - in fact, after a long drive I'm very tired and usually not up for sex right then. I do this because I always enjoy touching my wife and seeing her naked. Otherwise, we would not be married. 

BTW, I'm not 19, I'm 46 years old.


----------



## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Have any of your husbands had there Testosterone levels checked? Look up symptoms of low T and see if they match! We are currently working on bringing up my husband's T levels by reducing stress, reducing sugar, and doing heavy lifting and HIIT, along with getting plenty of magnesium and zinc. Our levels have come up from 283 to 425. Still working on it but already he's more horny and is so excited his little buddy is working again. It may not be the answer but to me it's worth a look. Here is a chart with healthy T levels by age. http://touch.artofmanliness.com/all/2013-01-16-normal-testosterone-levels#1

My husband was never cruel and he honestly tried but he was really never in the mood and he was quite irritable and things didn't always work the way he wanted them to.

From what we've learned and observed in our own journey, large stressors will usually make it a no go. I try to remember how the hormones go the way of cortisol or even adrenaline instead of testosterone under stress. Dealing with the stress trumps long term health. Dealing with the bear in the parking lot is defintely gonna trump everything else.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Wow, I'm really glad that you posted this. Had no idea that there are HD women out there who have to go through the same thing that I have to. I'm so sorry that you had to blow out the candles, that must have stung. I keep saying to myself that things will change...they never do, only get worse. I would even classify myself as HD either, only that I would like to have sex return in my marriage at least in some capacity.


----------



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

You know, I did bring that up (checking T level) and I guess it's about time. Wonder what his family doc would say but my H would have no problem having it checked. 

Incidentally, this is what happened in med school:

We all had access to the lab system (heck, since we had to take care of patients), but the system has patients from the entire medical school campus including student health. So one day, being bored and absolutely unethical, some of us started typing in all classmates' names and browsing. My lab got looked thru too naturally, no big deal. Then all of a sudden our friend E (who was not present of course) came across the screen and his testosterone level was flashing.....according to the normal range, it was abysmally low. 

And we have no idea why he even got it checked in the first place. It's also a known factor this guy could never get a date. 

I know, I know, stupid kids, horrible thing to do. Didn't write the little story to get attacked though, this was more than 20 yrs ago. I think E is still not married.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Just curious but what happens AFTER you two have sex? It's important for him to feel some sort of "reward", just as we all subconsciously want recognition/reward after doing something good.

You don't even have to point it out (probably best not to). If he has a favorite meal, prepare it after sex. Or maybe after sex tell him "I've got some cleaning to do. Why don't you play with the dogs for a while."

Instead of associating sex with a dread of having to perform again, he'll associate other good things with sex.


----------



## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Theseus said:


> At the same time you shouldn't fall into the trap that it's "normal" to live without sex or affection.
> 
> For the past few months, I see my wife only every other weekend. As soon as I come home, and kids are not in the room, I have my hands down her pants playing with her butt, or under her top massaging her breasts, or I just pull her pants down and kiss her right there. Mind you, I do this even in the kitchen, although we stop when we hear children coming!
> 
> ...


I had to laugh reading your description of when you get home because we are going through the same thing. My husband has been working out of state since early February. He gets home for a stretch of 3 to 4 days about once a month. So yeah, we have to get in enough in that time to last another 3+ weeks without.

When he gets home despite having 3 teenagers at home (plus another further away at school), we manage to get in a quickie within the first hour. First time home, he calls from upstairs and says that he needs me to check on his cloths in the closet! Well I saw plenty more than his cloths, lol. I told him we have to come up with a better cover for it or some secret code. Last time home my college age daughter calls right in the middle of things at 10 pm and quickly says "You're not asleep, are you?" I just about answered, "No, but we are in bed!" But I kept my mouth shut and just said no but that I was REALLY tired and couldn't talk long!

BTW, we are definitely not 19 either! Husband is 61, me 52.


----------



## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

jennifer1986 said:


> You know, I did bring that up (checking T level) and I guess it's about time. Wonder what his family doc would say but my H would have no problem having it checked.


It has made such a difference for my husband not just in the sex department but everything even dealing with our families is easier 

As for you asking for something to kill your libido! I told my husband more than once that I hated wanting it and wish I could just turn it off. He said he was glad I liked it, I responded well I'm not.  I think he realized there he needed to fix this before I figured out how to kill the sex drive. I knew my hormones were off too but was afraid if I fixed them, I'd want it even more, so I didn't!


----------



## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

Theseus said:


> At the same time you shouldn't fall into the trap that it's "normal" to live without sex or affection.
> 
> For the past few months, I see my wife only every other weekend. As soon as I come home, and kids are not in the room, I have my hands down her pants playing with her butt, or under her top massaging her breasts, or I just pull her pants down and kiss her right there. Mind you, I do this even in the kitchen, although we stop when we hear children coming!
> 
> ...


You sound happy, and I am happy for you Unfortunately, I have already fallen into that trap and I'm just trying it keep from chewing my leg off! I wish, not every time, but I wish I my h would come home and just tell me how happy he is to see me. Instead, I bring him a cup of tea and life goes on for another day. 
Here's an example of what I deal with. When he's gone, he expects the phone to ring at a certain time every night. The phone will start ringing at my end very shortly after I have not called him. You should know he is in an isolated camp situation. Usually I say I love you before we hang up and he says I love you too. I've have a rough couple of days and for the last two nights, I didn't say it... and waited for him to say it. Until I hear the click. So I don't have high expectations because that is asking for disappointment.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Chris Taylor said:


> Just curious but what happens AFTER you two have sex? It's important for him to feel some sort of "reward", just as we all subconsciously want recognition/reward after doing something good.
> 
> You don't even have to point it out (probably best not to). If he has a favorite meal, prepare it after sex. Or maybe after sex tell him "I've got some cleaning to do. Why don't you play with the dogs for a while."
> 
> Instead of associating sex with a dread of having to perform again, he'll associate other good things with sex.



Well then, my husband should LOVE sex! You see, he loves to sleep... a LOT. He also has this thing about only having sex in the bed, at bed time, so it is always sex, then sleep. Except lately... 

Last fall he started working graveyards so he sleeps during the day. In the last few weeks I have taken to waking him up with oral, jumping his bones, and then going about my day as he goes back to sleep. Actually, I'm not even sure he fully wakes up most of the time. The few times I'm in a position to be able to nap, i.e. the kids are out of the house or otherwise entertained, I snuggle up on his chest and zonk out with him. 

If he actually pitches in and takes some control, he always gets a breathless "thank you" or "that was amazing". 

I actually called him last night at work and asked him to call me back as soon as he got off and headed home. I knew I would never say anything face to face so figured a phone conversation might work but would be inappropriate while AT work (he's law enforcement and gets to babysit criminals all night). Anyway, as soon as he called, I just blurted out "I know that it annoys you and I'm sorry that I'm in sexual hyperdrive. But when I see you, I get horny. When I hear your voice, I get horny. When I THINK about you, I get horny. It's like being a sex addict except I don't want it from anybody but YOU. So I'm a "MrHappyPlace" addict." His response? "uh-huh. ::crickets chirping::" So I shot out a quick "Well, love you. See you when you get home." Before hanging up and feeling like an idiot. 

I was back to sleep by the time he got home and he was fast asleep when I got up and took the kids out so they wouldn't wake him. We came home just as he was getting up to shower for work so we haven't exactly spoken since. I'm sure it won't come up again though.


----------



## Tango (Sep 30, 2012)

MyHappyPlace said:


> I actually called him last night at work and asked him to call me back as soon as he got off and headed home. I knew I would never say anything face to face so figured a phone conversation might work but would be inappropriate while AT work (he's law enforcement and gets to babysit criminals all night). Anyway, as soon as he called, I just blurted out "I know that it annoys you and I'm sorry that I'm in sexual hyperdrive. But when I see you, I get horny. When I hear your voice, I get horny. When I THINK about you, I get horny. It's like being a sex addict except I don't want it from anybody but YOU. So I'm a "MrHappyPlace" addict." His response? "uh-huh. ::crickets chirping::" So I shot out a quick "Well, love you. See you when you get home." Before hanging up and feeling like an idiot.


May I ask how old you are? When I turned 48, I was stopping some medication and since then my drive has been through the roof! I could have written exactly what you did about seeing, hearing, and thinking about your h. I know that feeling of not being acknowledged and feeling like an idiot.


----------



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Chris Taylor said:


> Just curious but what happens AFTER you two have sex? It's important for him to feel some sort of "reward", just as we all subconsciously want recognition/reward after doing something good.
> 
> You don't even have to point it out (probably best not to). If he has a favorite meal, prepare it after sex. Or maybe after sex tell him "I've got some cleaning to do. Why don't you play with the dogs for a while."
> 
> Instead of associating sex with a dread of having to perform again, he'll associate other good things with sex.


Well...a little update

Last night I started doing dishes as H already cooked something simple for dinner (he adamantly insisted he would do that. In the meantime, the whole family have been crazy with the coming-up travel plan so I was on the phone getting some tickets. This is something H was always bitterly complaining about, that he was worrying about all the travel stuff, so I am trying to do as much as I can). H said he would do the dishes, firmly, but in a semi-sarcastic tone ("oh as you can see I have been cleaning as I cook so there's really not much to be done")

So I said fine...then I asked politely if I could go to the mall to buy something. Reasons (1) it was the first day of sale (2) today (Thur) is a working day and I would be in clinic with no time. The kid would need to play piano, take a shower, but kid knew how to do these things. I said I would be back quickly. H said fine.

Off I went, grabbed the stuff I needed, then my friend frantically texted me from CHINA. Her son got into ER and they were telling her all kinds of scary things about his heart. I tried to calm her down without texting back too much (my H got upset once saying we don't have an unlimited text plan). Anyways...got home, H was supervising kid on some math, I told him what was happening and tried to call my friend with a calling card. No answer. OK, assumed she was fine. Seeing H was still with the kid (my H ALWAYS says it's a waste of time to have 2 people watching the kid), I then went to clean some stuff, put laundry in dryer, yadah yadah, then I went over to the desk to get some scotch tape, by this time H was practically yelling at the kid for doing the math wrong. H pushed me away RUDELY and said "go get yourself busy, I don't need your help, you help when it's not needed, and you don't help when it's needed". 

I said I did not even come to help you, came to grab something off the desk. Eventually H took kid to the middle room and when I went to check they were both asleep. This is not even 10pm, I said to H, come to our bedroom. He said he was tired. I said then come to our bedroom to sleep. He said he'd rather sleep there. 

For anyone wondering why I make a fuzz, there's a long history. H would get resentful over something, conflicts ensued, and he would go "sleep with the kid". I have tried over and over again to tell him not to do this. There were times when I myself gave up and didn't f%^&* care who sleeps where. 

Anyways, (boy I'm sorry this sounds so boringly winding), for the last time I said we should try to sleep in the same bed (and I was not thinking about sex at all. I'm not that dumb). He kicked off the blanket, got up abruptly, and went to the bedroom. I was like, boy, this is the definition of wrath. I later sneaked into bed as quiet as a mouse as not to "disturb" him again (he often gets mad about someone disrupting his sleep and causing him to not able to fall back asleep). But I felt so immensely sad. If he gets frustrated over something, anything, I get s%^t. It doesn't matter how hard I tried to do things he liked, there would always be some fault or imperfection. Earlier yesterday, he frowned on BIRD POOP on car's back windshield. We were at the driving range so I got paper towels from restroom, running back and forth like 5 times to clean it while he and big kid were hitting the balls. When they were done, he said "have you scratched my windshield?" I said it was probably one tiny little soap residue from the cleaning. 

Sometimes I feel it's just f#%*()^ ridiculous and I'm not getting anywhere. It's true, I have a good life. But I feel very sad. Often hopeless.


----------



## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Tango said:


> May I ask how old you are? When I turned 48, I was stopping some medication and since then my drive has been through the roof! I could have written exactly what you did about seeing, hearing, and thinking about your h. I know that feeling of not being acknowledged and feeling like an idiot.



I am 30 and H is 44. The poor man probably thinks he's just a money making penis for my personal pleasure by now.  I have been completely unable to control myself as of late and taking full advantage of him. Because of the way our schedules are, he's sound asleep and "SURPRISE!" I seriously believe that if he hasn't already he will be soon walking into work saying "I sure would like to wake up WITHOUT my wife on me one of these days." 

Sure I'd like him to initiate once in a while, but I won't be holding my breath for that, and in the meantime, I still have needs. LOTS of them apparently! lol The really weird thing is, I don't even need to orgasm to be completely sated. Normally. Yeah, I like to get mine once in awhile, but as long as he gets his, I'm happy, content, and go about my day with a smile like I've gotten a job well done. I've always referred to is as my "emotional O"


----------



## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

Emotional O that's a good name for it! I've always thought that true HD isn't as much about the libido as the need for the emotional connection. Even when my libido drops I am still HD, I want that connection. That said it would bug me if he didn't CARE that I didn't ever get mine, but that's not an issue.


----------

