# Is there a way to tell if your Iphone is being trackd with 'find My Iphone'?



## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

I have a friend who suspects his wife is cheating and i have been his 'coach' through this situation so far. He is not very tech-savy and neither is his wife. Since they both have Iphones so I advised him to use the 'Find My Iphone' app from Apple as i found very helpful and accurate. But yesterday I was at his house and we were mounting his TV to his wall. His wife was on the phone alot-- texting it seemed. She said she wanted to out shopping so he said 'OK'.

While she was out, he checked her Iphone on 2 different occassions in an hour and a half time period (the store is a 5 minute drive from the house) and it showed she was at the store she planned on going to. BUT, he then gets a nasty text message from her stating, "I see you have tracked me twice since I have been out. You must not trust me."

We both were stunned by this. I am fairly tech-savy, but I am not aware of any way to tell if someone is checking your Iphone location, so I am scratching my head over this. He is mad at me now, for getting him into trouble. Personally I think she is being coached by tech-savy individual, but need some advice from tech-savy people.


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## frank29 (Aug 22, 2012)

I was just about to post something like this


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

Baffled01 said:


> I have a friend who suspects his wife is cheating and i have been his 'coach' through this situation so far. He is not very tech-savy and neither is his wife. Since they both have Iphones so I advised him to use the 'Find My Iphone' app from Apple as i found very helpful and accurate. But yesterday I was at his house and we were mounting his TV to his wall. His wife was on the phone alot-- texting it seemed. She said she wanted to out shopping so he said 'OK'.
> 
> While she was out, he checked her Iphone on 2 different occassions in an hour and a half time period (the store is a 5 minute drive from the house) and it showed she was at the store she planned on going to. BUT, he then gets a nasty text message from her stating, "I see you have tracked me twice since I have been out. You must not trust me."
> 
> We both were stunned by this. I am fairly tech-savy, but I am not aware of any way to tell if someone is checking your Iphone location, so I am scratching my head over this. He is mad at me now, for getting him into trouble. Personally I think she is being coached by tech-savy individual, but need some advice from tech-savy people.


Yes, a signal appears on the phone when someone is tracking it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Hmm...
I use Find My iPhone for tracking often (my own and family members) and have never seen a way to detect the tracking from the target phone.
It seems to me if there were a way to tell the phone was being tracked it would defeat the purpose of the app (theft protection).

When I read Lisa's post above about a signal appearing when tracking I thought maybe that had been added in a recent update so I tracked my own iPhone from my iPad and see no signal on the iPhone.

What signal is caused Lisa?


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Settings>Privacy>Location Services>Find My iPhone>Status Bar Icon

She has it set to on... He should gaslight her, tell her he's not tracking her iphone, she's losing her mind. Then ask why she's worried about it, and what she's up to that she's checking to see if she's being tracked.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

If you want to track the iphone the best way I think is to use the friend finder app. My ww was not very tech savy and I set up a dummy acct on her phone so I could track her. It worked like a charm.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

russell28 said:


> Settings>Privacy>Location Services>Find My iPhone>Status Bar Icon
> 
> She has it set to on... He should gaslight her, tell her he's not tracking her iphone, she's losing her mind. Then ask why she's worried about it, and what she's up to that she's checking to see if she's being tracked.


:iagree: This. IF she has it turned on it says that it will show when someone is tracking the device with Find My iPhone. To this time, my wife is unaware of this setting soI have it turned off for her. If she isn't the tech smartest of people, then you could turn that off and when she gets home check the location settings, and anything she stops to visit for more than a set amount of time (not sure on this as it is not a published time setting that I have found and is not user adjustable) will place a location marker on the phone.


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## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

Baffled01 said:


> I have a friend who suspects his wife is cheating and i have been his 'coach' through this situation so far. He is not very tech-savy and neither is his wife. Since they both have Iphones so I advised him to use the 'Find My Iphone' app from Apple as i found very helpful and accurate. But yesterday I was at his house and we were mounting his TV to his wall. His wife was on the phone alot-- texting it seemed. She said she wanted to out shopping so he said 'OK'.
> 
> While she was out, he checked her Iphone on 2 different occassions in an hour and a half time period (the store is a 5 minute drive from the house) and it showed she was at the store she planned on going to. BUT, he then gets a nasty text message from her stating, "I see you have tracked me twice since I have been out. You must not trust me."
> 
> We both were stunned by this. I am fairly tech-savy, but I am not aware of any way to tell if someone is checking your Iphone location, so I am scratching my head over this. He is mad at me now, for getting him into trouble. Personally I think she is being coached by tech-savy individual, but need some advice from tech-savy people.


One other note.. my wife would meet her OM at a shopping center parking lot, sit for coffee... this is when the OP's wife could verify that he was tracking her before she went off on her 'escape'. Just because she's at the shopping center, doesn't mean she's there alone. He should go there next time and watch to see who she comes out with.. or who she's parked next to.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> Yes, a signal appears on the phone when someone is tracking it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, there is no signal on the iPhone. I just pinged my own iPhone with Find my iPhone and there is no indication to the iPhone user that they've been pinged. 

But if your spouse is tech savvy and happens to check out that the Find my iPhone feature is turned ON in the phone settings withing the iCloud App, all he/she has to do is turn it off.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

russell28 said:


> Settings>Privacy>Location Services>Find My iPhone>Status Bar Icon
> 
> She has it set to on... He should gaslight her, tell her he's not tracking her iphone, she's losing her mind. Then ask why she's worried about it, and what she's up to that she's checking to see if she's being tracked.


I just noticed that...I just now changed my Status Bar Icon to "ON" and whether I'm actually tracking it real time or not, the icon (a little compass arrow next to the battery icon) is always present. So it doesn't appear to actually affirmatively notify the iPhone user that they're being tracked as they look at it, or that they've been tracked prior. It's just always on. Will have to play with it today and see how it behaves under various conditions.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Found this just now:


> Invoking the GPS will cause the location services arrow to appear in the top bar. The catch is that going into the settings, General -> Privacy, the user can tell what. If FMI is being used currently, the arrow in its box will be purple, and if it was used in the last 24 hours, the arrow in its box will be grey.


It will only behave this way if in the privacy settings it is set up that to indicate this.

Because I tracked my iPhone within the last 24 hours, the arrow did appear white (not grey), while tracking it real time, I never could get it to turn purple. Will keep playing with it.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Just confirmed...after 13 minutes between my tests, the compass arrow next to the battery icon had disappeared. When I went back into iCloud to refresh the location, immediately the arrow appeared.

So if whomever you are tracking happens to be sitting in a coffee shop texting/emailing etc, he/she may notice the icon light up and wonder, "WTF is that for?" and start researching on their phone.

The key I think is that the status bar settings for FMI in SETTINGS>Privacy has to be set to OFF when you turn on the FMI feature within the iCloud App.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

lisab0105 said:


> Yes, a signal appears on the phone when someone is tracking it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is news to me and I use I phone 4 and have never seen a way to signal if it is being tracked. In this case He is using Iphone 4 also and she Iphone 5.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

john1068 said:


> I just noticed that...I just now changed my Status Bar Icon to "ON" and whether I'm actually tracking it real time or not, the icon (a little compass arrow next to the battery icon) is always present. So it doesn't appear to actually affirmatively notify the iPhone user that they're being tracked as they look at it, or that they've been tracked prior. It's just always on. Will have to play with it today and see how it behaves under various conditions.


Well I cant look at her phone, but I know he said she has a GPS app installed on it called 'Waze'. Not sure if that is a factor here or not. My Big concern is, why does she even care that he tracked her? And then Why send the text to let him know tha she knows.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

But that status icon comes on whenever the GPS is invoked for any reason.

The GPS is/can be invoked for numerous reasons to the point of a reminder app running in the background.

My point is... Her knowing, knowing to watch for the icon, and actually taking the time to think about it and watch for it is freaking weird to me.
My wife could be tracking the hell out of me and I'd never notice that icon or if I did I 'd figure it was some background app doing it's thing.

I'd have to intentionally be looking for that and considering I was being tracked to begin with.
I'd have to have a reason to be so freaking careful about being tracked...like if I were cheating.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

tacoma said:


> But that status icon comes on whenever the GPS is invoked for any reason.
> 
> *The GPS is/can be invoked for numerous reasons to the point of a reminder app running in the background.*
> 
> ...


You are correct. I just turned on my Waze app and the icon appeared. The icon also appeared when I used Safari to search for a coffee shop (I presume it looked to GPS for where I currently was). I also opened up the iPhone Maps app, and the icon again appeared because the GPS was triggered. Also came on when I opened weather app.

This can easily be turned back onto the W who questioned why she was being tracked. The answer is, that she wasn't being tracked. Her GPS was invoked for some reason while she was using the iPhone, it happens often. In fact, I've noticed this icon before and never could figure out why it was on, but sometimes it was never there...so....the question for the potential BH would be...Honey, why are you so concerned that you might be being tracked? Is there a reason why I should not trust you? The W clearly has paranoia issues with what she's doing with her away time. Turn the tables time.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Baffled01 said:


> Well I cant look at her phone, but I know he said she has a GPS app installed on it called 'Waze'. Not sure if that is a factor here or not. My Big concern is, why does she even care that he tracked her? And then Why send the text to let him know tha she knows.


If she's running Waze in the background then there's no way the GPS status icon could be alerting her to his FMI searches.

Waze is a real time social commute app, the GPS icon would almost always be engaged while Waze was running.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

john1068 said:


> You are correct. I just turned on my Waze app and the icon appeared. The icon also appeared when I used Safari to search for a coffee shop (I presume it looked to GPS for where I currently was). I also opened up the iPhone Maps app, and the icon again appeared because the GPS was triggered. Also came on when I opened weather app.
> 
> This can easily be turned back onto the W who questioned why she was being tracked. The answer is, that she wasn't being tracked. Her GPS was invoked for some reason while she was using the iPhone, it happens often. In fact, I've noticed this icon before and never could figure out why it was on, but sometimes it was never there...so....the question for the potential BH would be...Honey, why are you so concerned that you might be being tracked? Is there a reason why I should not trust you? The W clearly has paranoia issues with what she's doing with her away time. Turn the tables time.



Exactly!


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Yes, she is cheating and is more knowledgeable than either of you or being "guided" along by an experienced cheater. 

My advice is keyloggers. They always work. webwatcher.com is awesome. VAR's pens are great to. One can be slipped into her purse quite easily. As far a GPS being defeated by her and her "little friend", that is easy to. Again, webwatcher or spectorsoft.com have full on GPS coverage that IS UNDETECTABLE. 

You and her hubby are ill equipped here. You need better resources.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

double post


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Turning on the "Find my Friends" App and then hiding the App after it's activated is a much better approach .... as long as she (or her boyfriend) is not Tech Savy. I tried to use find my phone on my wife's cell phone and it sent her e-mails saying it was being used.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

TheFlood117 said:


> As far a GPS being defeated by her and her "little friend", that is easy to. Again, webwatcher or spectorsoft.com have full on GPS coverage that IS UNDETECTABLE.
> .


Won't work on an iPhone.
Apple allows no "spy" apps in the app store.
You also can't hide the installation of an app in iOS as they're all listed in your iTunes downloads.

The key logger is a good idea if she's even using a computer.

I'd stay away from VAR pens as this chick is overtly paranoid and likely to notice it.
A small VAR somewhere in her car would bust her, if she didn't find it first.
Hide it anywhere but under the seat.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

The Middleman said:


> Turning on the "Find my Friends" App and then hiding the App after it's activated is a much better approach .... as long as she (or her boyfriend) is not Tech Savy. I tried to use find my phone on my wife's cell phone and it sent her e-mails saying it was being used.


Can't hide a running app on an iPhone can you?


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Get webwatcher or spetorsoft. It's really not that expensive, and plus what's the price of peace of mind??? "assume her an her AP are not tech savvy". Yeah, that's kinda counter intuitive. Luck favors the prepared. The OP's wife has already proven she is aware of his snooping. He's already cooked on that front. The only way know is to become a spy basically. Get kitted up and then you'll see better and the 100 percent truth. She know's he's onto her, she'll probably take it further undeground. The next move will be to get a program like one founded here- 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex

Or get a burner phone. This is why a covert VAR is important too. 

Good luck OP. You're gonna need it.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

tacoma said:


> Won't work on an iPhone.
> Apple allows no "spy" apps in the app store.
> You also can't hide the installation of an app in iOS as they're all listed in your iTunes downloads.
> 
> ...



Yep, forgot about that. My cheater ex-wife was android. Looks like OP's situation is even worse than I thought. I think he's cooked well done now. I guess a PI would be the best choice now.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

TheFlood117 said:


> Yes, she is cheating and is more knowledgeable than either of you or being "guided" along by an experienced cheater.
> 
> My advice is keyloggers. They always work. webwatcher.com is awesome. VAR's pens are great to. One can be slipped into her purse quite easily. As far a GPS being defeated by her and her "little friend", that is easy to. Again, webwatcher or spectorsoft.com have full on GPS coverage that IS UNDETECTABLE.
> 
> You and her hubby are ill equipped here. You need better resources.


Ill-equipped? Maybe. I always thought I was pretty good at this, but this girl seems pretty darn sharp and determined to have her cake and eat it too.

Another thing... I think she knows I'm giving him advice because she knows I just went through a divorce last year. When she sent that text it was like a slap in my face, almost like,"haha you can't catch me."

She is a waitress at a restaurant and the employer is having a Christmas party next Monday at the establishment, and he of course is not invited. I have strongly advised him to have a PI to follow her that night, and I think he is going to follow my advice.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

TheFlood117 said:


> Yes, she is cheating and is more knowledgeable than either of you or being "guided" along by an experienced cheater.
> 
> My advice is keyloggers. They always work. webwatcher.com is awesome. VAR's pens are great to. One can be slipped into her purse quite easily. As far a GPS being defeated by her and her "little friend", that is easy to. Again, webwatcher or spectorsoft.com have full on GPS coverage that IS UNDETECTABLE.
> 
> You and her hubby are ill equipped here. You need better resources.



Flood I would notice a pen in my handbag right away. Lots of women carry designer bags and no pens in the purse is a normal rule. The more expensive the bag the more militant you are about it. Keep one in my iPad case but never my handbags. Just sayin. I'd spot that sucker in a heartbeat. You have to know what they'll notice in order for it to work.


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

@baffled. Yes PI is really the only shot for "concrete" evidence at this point. 

@kristin. I used the VAR pen at her office. 

PI is only way to go I guess. But you should just tell your pal to File for divorce, 180 hard, date other women and ignore slvt wife. That would really be the best course to "wake her up". A little shock and awe.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

TheFlood117 said:


> @baffled. Yes PI is really the only shot for "concrete" evidence at this point.
> 
> @kristin. I used the VAR pen at her office.
> 
> PI is only way to go I guess. But you should just tell your pal to File for divorce, 180 hard, date other women and ignore slvt wife. That would really be the best course to "wake her up". A little shock and awe.


He's got no proof right now. Just the usual, sleeps with her phone, gives up little or no sex. His phone bill shows no unusual actvity. She admits she has guys pursuing her at work,(she's a hottie) leaving love notes on napkins and twenty dollar tips.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

One other thing I should note is I saw her sitting in her car for about 5 minutes before she left for the store yesterday. I told him about the possibility of a burner phone but he hasn't been able to find it. If she's playin' she is a smart, savy player.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Yeah, not being my normal [email protected] self. You just have to know what the other person would notice. I'm really detail oriented and I notice everything.

There comes a point where you like this case the OP is dealing with someone who knows they are being watched. Hard to get descent accurate info at that point it usually goes deep underground from here.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

tacoma said:


> Can't hide a running app on an iPhone can you?


Well, there is a method that I read about how to do that ... you'd have to Google it because I can't remember it off of the top of my head.

On my wife's phone, initially when I activated it and I didn't want her to know, so I created a folder called "Unused Icons" and put it there along with a few other apps she never used; she never noticed, but she is not too tech savy. Recently, I put the "Find My Friends" app back on the main page in plain view on her phone and she asked why I installed it and if I was tracking her. I told her I activated it and yes I can track her if I wanted to and she can track me if she wanted to (which is true). I said it was for peace of mind in the event of an emergency (also true ... for the most part). She was "put off" by it a little but she has nothing to hide so she hasn't mentioned it again. For the record, I don't suspect her of cheating.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

They are having a XMAS party and no husbands are allowed? I doubt it. My guess is this is what she told him and it is not true.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Have a friend go to her company. Find someone she does not know. Offer them a hundred to take some photos of her while she is at the party. If she is cheating I am sure it will show. Have that person email you the photos and print them off before she gets home. Set them on the table and leave. Go rent a motel or stay with family until you can figure things out. Don't answer any calls from her at all. 

I wished I had been smarter when I caught my xW. 

Clay


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## lisab0105 (Oct 26, 2011)

tacoma said:


> Hmm...
> I use Find My iPhone for tracking often (my own and family members) and have never seen a way to detect the tracking from the target phone.
> It seems to me if there were a way to tell the phone was being tracked it would defeat the purpose of the app (theft protection).
> 
> ...


Any time I tracked my guy's Iphone, something popped up his phone next to the battery life and 4g icons.


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Interesting discovery that is worth mentioning if your friend is going into investigation mode, I discovered this when I was checking out my own W's activities. iPhone has an iPhone Messenger built in, which allows texts to be sent/received directly between iPhone users using only data instead of text...these texts will not show up in text history on your carrier's detail billing. If you happen to notice any texts on her iPhone that are BLUE instead of GREEN, then she is using iPhone Messenger. This feature can be turned off by navigating the iPhone to SETTINGS> MESSAGES> iMESSAGES and toggling this to "OFF". 

Once this is toggled off, all texts will revert back to the carriers texting service, and all mobile numbers texted will appear. Won't tell you what was written, but at least it will tell you what numbers were being texted most often, in case the OM also has an iPhone.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

The Christmas party is at the restaurant where she works. They close at 9pm and that's when the party starts. Its not unusual for them to have customers still in the dining room at closing so presumably the PI can catch a late meal and overstay his welcome a little. Although I think if anything is going to happen, it is going to happen AFTER the party, in the parking lot, hotel or at somebodies apt.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

john1068 said:


> Interesting discovery that is worth mentioning if your friend is going into investigation mode, I discovered this when I was checking out my own W's activities. iPhone has an iPhone Messenger built in, which allows texts to be sent/received directly between iPhone users using only data instead of text...these texts will not show up in text history on your carrier's detail billing. If you happen to notice any texts on her iPhone that are BLUE instead of GREEN, then she is using iPhone Messenger. This feature can be turned off by navigating the iPhone to SETTINGS> MESSAGES> iMESSAGES and toggling this to "OFF".
> 
> Once this is toggled off, all texts will revert back to the carriers texting service, and all mobile numbers texted will appear. Won't tell you what was written, but at least it will tell you what numbers were being texted most often, in case the OM also has an iPhone.



Yes that is worth mentioning. But if you have your iPad hooked up to the same cloud account, you will get all iMessages on the iPad. That was what I did and it didn't give away that iMessage was turned off since many people who are using this are doing so to avoid detection.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

bryanp said:


> They are having a XMAS party and no husbands are allowed? I doubt it. My guess is this is what she told him and it is not true.


I wouldn't doubt this at al. My company has never allowed spouses or guests for any of the employees. It is a drunkfest and no one wants to go. I think it is a way for the management to schmooze as well.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

kristin2349 said:


> Yes that is worth mentioning. But if you have your iPad hooked up to the same cloud account, you will get all iMessages on the iPad. That was what I did and it didn't give away that iMessage was turned off since many people who are using this are doing so to avoid detection.


This is sooo not true. I think that the majority of the people using it are using it because it is integrated across the Apple ecosphere. I get all of my iMessages and can continue the conversation across all of my available devices (any of my macs, the iPod, the iPad, and/or iPhones). I can take the conversation where ever and continue it when away from my computer. Some are using it to be nefarious I agree, but I bet the majority are just using it as you would any other social media/ IM program. 

We use it as a way to let the kids have older devices and be in contact with their friends through FaceTime and iMessage and we don't need data plans for them as long as they have wifi readily available (a nice way to re-purpose older devices and give the kids some freedoms and connectivity).

Bringing up FaceTime, if she is using iMessage, then she is more than likely using FaceTime as well, which allows not only video, but audio only calls without anything but data usage, so this may explain the calls without the burner phone. Obviously whomever she is getting her info from knows the iDevices and is coaching her, so I would bet this is where you are going to see thins sky rocket. DO as I did and take the wife off of wifi and you can see see exactly when she is using data as it gets tracked on the phone plan.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Baffled01 said:


> The Christmas party is at the restaurant where she works. They close at 9pm and that's when the party starts. Its not unusual for them to have customers still in the dining room at closing so presumably the PI can catch a late meal and overstay his welcome a little. Although I think if anything is going to happen, it is going to happen AFTER the party, in the parking lot, hotel or at somebodies apt.


She works in a restaurant, this is getting worse the more I read about it.

He needs to put a VAR in her car. Small one well hidden.

He'll have his evidence within the week


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The PI is the best investment.
But if money is tight get a different ride and stake out the restaurant parking lot and back door. This why when she goes to throw her phone in her car and gets into another vehicle you can follow the vehicle and get a location.

If she is that savy she will leave behind any method of being traced like her car and her phone.

I would also bet that when she went shopping she left her car and phone and got into another vehicle. Did she even buy anything when she went shopping?

My last project was at a shopping mall..I say this tactic happen time and again in the parking lot.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Um this may sound bad and I am sure I will get kicked for it but if he really feels he has to do all this work to prove she is cheating them why even stay with her? Isn't that a red flag in its self. There are far better women out there. 

Even if he catches her what does he have to gain. Six more months of lies and heartache? Is it really worth it. 

Clay


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Clay2013 said:


> Um this may sound bad and I am sure I will get kicked for it but if he really feels he has to do all this work to prove she is cheating them why even stay with her? Isn't that a red flag in its self. There are far better women out there.
> 
> Even if he catches her what does he have to gain. Six more months of lies and heartache? Is it really worth it.
> 
> Clay


I see your point, but unfortunately some of us have to give it everything when kids are involved as, we still love them and don't want the family broken, no matter what they want, so we make sure that we can say we officially gave it our all and walk with our heads high and no shame. Even with all the red flags, if it turns out that she is truly not cheating, he will feel bad for having thrown in the towel too early.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> I see your point, but unfortunately some of us have to give it everything when kids are involved as, we still love them and don't want the family broken, no matter what they want, so we make sure that we can say we officially gave it our all and walk with our heads high and no shame. Even with all the red flags, if it turns out that she is truly not cheating, he will feel bad for having thrown in the towel too early.


I know this all to well and I am sad to say I went through the same thing for 10 years with my xW. I have to kids with her. It did not end well for me and Its been six years almost seven since the divorce and I still feel tortured over the whole ordeal. 

Well I hope he finds his answers fast so he can deal with it all sooner and not suffer like most of us have. 

Clay


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Squeakr said:


> This is sooo not true. I think that the majority of the people using it are using it because it is integrated across the Apple ecosphere. I get all of my iMessages and can continue the conversation across all of my available devices (any of my macs, the iPod, the iPad, and/or iPhones). I can take the conversation where ever and continue it when away from my computer. Some are using it to be nefarious I agree, but I bet the majority are just using it as you would any other social media/ IM program.
> 
> We use it as a way to let the kids have older devices and be in contact with their friends through FaceTime and iMessage and we don't need data plans for them as long as they have wifi readily available (a nice way to re-purpose older devices and give the kids some freedoms and connectivity).
> 
> Bringing up FaceTime, if she is using iMessage, then she is more than likely using FaceTime as well, which allows not only video, but audio only calls without anything but data usage, so this may explain the calls without the burner phone. Obviously whomever she is getting her info from knows the iDevices and is coaching her, so I would bet this is where you are going to see thins sky rocket. DO as I did and take the wife off of wifi and you can see see exactly when she is using data as it gets tracked on the phone plan.


Sorry I was not clear in my post. I was thinking adults that are already throwing up red flags and the cases I've seen here. As in the case being discussed. Where you are "investigating" someone who may be aware they are being watched or are being careful to avoid detection because of a soft confront.

Many people are told and are aware, iMessage is "off the grid" so to speak. I have an iPhone like millions of other people and don't cheat so I should have been more careful saying "many" people use iMessage for that purpose. I was thinking in terms of this board and things that come up...SnapChat etc.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

See that purple arrow next to the battery?










That's what appears if the "show icon" setting is on, when the phone is pinged by iPhone service. But it stays on the screen for about 2-3 seconds, she would have to be looking at the screen all the time to notice it. If she saw it twice, it was while messaging. Or just by coincidence, who knows.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Ok, I think the mystery is solved here (as far as the Iphone goes) My friend said when he tracked his wife phone, her phone's position was not immediately known and a screen opened that read,' check this box to notify me when your phone is located,' so he checked that box both times he tracked her phone. It took Find My Iphone about a minute both times to locate her phone. BUT, when he checked that box it caused a email to be generated an sent to her email account to notify that her phone had been located and the exact position of her phone, which she saw. So it was just a simple email message that was sent so we're kind of doubting now that she was being coached.

He IS still planning on having the PI go to the Christmas party. The PI will arrive around 8:30pm and have a late dinner. Party starts at 9pm. He's going to see how long he stay inside, then take up a position in the parking lot.


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Sounds like your friend is the one that needs the coach.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> Sounds like your friend is the one that needs the coach.


Well, maybe I'm not doing a very good job, but I am his coach essentially. That's why I'm posting this. He's very private and quiet and is too reserved to start airing out his problems on line. Me, iam a regular here, but apparently I still have alot to learn.


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

You are doing fine
Squeakr was just teasing

he is lucky to have a friend like you


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

convert said:


> You are doing fine
> Squeakr was just teasing
> 
> he is lucky to have a friend like you


This: :iagree: (Still pushing for that universal sarcasm font!!)


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Squeakr said:


> This: :iagree: (Still pushing for that universal sarcasm font!!)


I try. But the world of infidelity is such a dynamic and evolving world, it's hard for any one person to keep up.


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## nogutsnoglory (Jan 17, 2013)

Seems pretty odd for a restaurant to have an Xmas party and not allow the spouses. 
I worked in that business for many years and all restaurants that had parties allowed the spouses. Not like they are shelling out a lot extra for food or space.

I would be more interested to see if the others there brought dates.

Can he rent a car and scope this place out himself?

What are some of the specifics as to why he thinks she is cheating on him? We can see if there is some advice you have missed if we know more details. Just talk in generics so we cant possibly identify him.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

nogutsnoglory said:


> Seems pretty odd for a restaurant to have an Xmas party and not allow the spouses.
> I worked in that business for many years and all restaurants that had parties allowed the spouses. Not like they are shelling out a lot extra for food or space.
> 
> I would be more interested to see if the others there brought dates.
> ...


Well he has a PI set up for that night (monday night) so the PI should be able to see if others are bringing dates. I'm guessing, yes they are. His wife just doesn't want him there. In fact, he'll be at home babysitting their 2 kids.

His major complaints are the typical signs. She has no interest in sex with him. He has to literally drag her across the bed to get 'duty sex'. She's on that Iphone all the time, sleeps with it even. Always on FB and he noticed she had Tango installed on it in the few times he's managed to get a hold of it in private. He said it didn't look like she had created an account for Tango yet, so he guessed it may have come preinstalled. Who knows.

She works the night shift at the restaurant and gets home about 10:30pm, but he admits he's asleep most of the when she comes in. The restaurant is very close to their apartment (2min drive) and close to my house too.

She's admitted that there are guys pursuing her there, mostly customers. Some guy writing love notes on napkins and leaving twenty dollar tips (at a buffet). Like I said before-- she's a hottie


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## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I have been using there iPhones for the last 5.5 years and this Tango application (Had to look it up ad had an idea what it was but didn't know for sure, and my suspicions were correct), is not an included or preinstalled application. This is a major red flag, that she would be downloading these social media apps to stay in touch and off the radar. Also she could have downloaded it, used it, deleted and then when downloaded again she hadn't set it up fully yet (as I found out this is what my WW was doing. Downloading on the way to work and deleting after work, then downloading again after midnight and deleting when done using the app).


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

He had her followed home from work on friday night and it was uneventful, exept the PI noticed she appeared to be doing alot texting as she walked out to her car, and then waited about 2-3mins after she got in her car before she left. 

Tonight is the moment of truth; the restaurants Christmas party. As I said, he'll be at home the kids while she attends the party which starts at 9pm. (closing time) PI will arrive at 8:30 for a late dinner. It's a buffet so he can stay later than 9 if he wants. (They are not supposed to be able to ask them to leave but they can take up all the food)

After the PI leaves the building he will take up a covert position in teh parking lot to monitor party-goers as they leave and if his little sweet-heart leaves with a 'friend'.

He is a wreck (not eating). His doctor gave him Clonopin and it has relaxed nerves a little. 

If this goes bad, he's still not sure whether to confront immediately, or wait until after Christmas for the kids sake.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Baffled

Get your friend to calm down.

I know that is easier to say but he sounds like a wreck.

How old is this couple and how many kids do the have?

HM


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

russell28 said:


> Settings>Privacy>Location Services>Find My iPhone>Status Bar Icon
> 
> She has it set to on... He should gaslight her, tell her he's not tracking her iphone, she's losing her mind. Then ask why she's worried about it, and what she's up to that she's checking to see if she's being tracked.


Exactly. When caught, always go to the cheaters playbook: deny, deny, deny. Then gaslight.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Update?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Tobyboy said:


> Update?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok, Sorry this is late; holidays and everything. The PI got to the restaurant at 8:30 as planned and discovered her van was already there. The restaurant would only let him place a 'to go' order because the party was ready to start so he couldn't go inside. My buddy was at my house with his two kids playin' with my two kids so he didn't know when she left or what she was wearing. The PI said she left with her gf's about 11 out the front entrance and nothing uneventful happened. Her attire was conservative-- nothing sexy. He said she went straight home. In addition, he didn't notice anyone else had brought a spouse or significant other to the party that he could tell.

Later she confessed she went with her gf's to the bar next door to the restaurant for a few drinks BEFORE the party started and that's why she was already parked at the restaurant. I am told some of those girls are real drunkards and may even qualify as 'toxic friends'.

So... he's not sure now. Relieved a little. The PI said he doubts she's seeing anyone from the job because he's covered her several times and never sees her with anyone but the same group of girls. He suggested possibly someone from her apt. complex-- if anyone.

Comments welcome.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Normally, I would say this is good, positive news, BUT, she already caught him tracking her, so she could possibly just be laying low until it cools off.

He's going to have to keep a watch for a while now. He needs to verify any unknown numbers being texted to, by her.

That is, if she doesn't have one of those app's installed that a text will only show up as data usage...


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Normally, I would say this is good, positive news, BUT, she already caught him tracking her, so she could possibly just be laying low until it cools off.
> 
> He's going to have to keep a watch for a while now. He needs to verify any unknown numbers being texted to, by her.
> 
> That is, if she doesn't have one of those app's installed that a text will only show up as data usage...


Yeah, there are a few apps on her phone that seem to be text/messaging apps. One of them is 'Facely'. It seems to work together with FB. I'm not too familiar with it. She had Tango installed, but he couldn't find last time he checked. Maybe she deleted it, unless there is a way to hide it. She does use Skype, but he looked at her contact list and no surprises.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

lisab0105 said:


> Yes, a signal appears on the phone when someone is tracking it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Where at? Because I'm locating my phone via icloud.com and can see on a map where it is, but no indicators on my phone. And I have the latest IOS


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

If the PI has turned up nothing....chances are that she might not be cheating....yet! She has though, admitted to being pursued at work by customers of hers. Seems she is enjoying the attention these strangers are giving her. Tough situation for your friend. How long has the wife been working at the resturant?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Tobyboy said:


> If the PI has turned up nothing....chances are that she might not be cheating....yet! She has though, admitted to being pursued at work by customers of hers. Seems she is enjoying the attention these strangers are giving her. Tough situation for your friend. How long has the wife been working at the resturant?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


About 10 mos.


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## Tobyboy (Jun 13, 2013)

Can your friend ck her texts/calls logs online?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john1068 (Nov 12, 2013)

Tobyboy said:


> If the PI has turned up nothing....chances are that she might not be cheating....yet! She has though, admitted to being pursued at work by customers of hers. Seems she is enjoying the attention these strangers are giving her. Tough situation for your friend. How long has the wife been working at the resturant?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


By telling him that patrons are pursuing her, she may simply be doing a basic fitness test on him...and, if so, he's failing her tests.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

Tobyboy said:


> Can your friend ck her texts/calls logs online?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He has. No phone calls he can't account for. He says the amount of her texting is up a little bit but nothing to get in an uproar about.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

She may not be cheating. I'm thinking it is her toxic friends and the work environment.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> She may not be cheating. I'm thinking it is her toxic friends and the work environment.


I'm thinking you might be right. She has never introduced him to her friends from work. She never asks him to go with her to her job.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Baffled01 said:


> I'm thinking you might be right. She has never introduced him to her friends from work. She never asks him to go with her to her job.


 He needs to get this handled before it goes off the deep end. Once the bad mouthing starts, an affair is that much easier for her to allow.


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

vellocet said:


> Where at? Because I'm locating my phone via icloud.com and can see on a map where it is, but no indicators on my phone. And I have the latest IOS


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/6096898-post47.html

"Show taskbar icon" under "find my iphone" menu has to be on for that purple icon to show.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You can have a non tech wife being coached by a player and she will be aware enough to need TAM level help to counter it.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

One other thing we noticed is that since weather turned cold, she has been wearing a long-sleeve shirt under her uniform (A tee-shirt).
Sunday afternoon, I was at their apt watching the football games with him, and got a glimpse of the top she was wearing before she put her tee shirt on over it. It was a smokin hot, low cut blouse he bought her from Victoria's Secrets. He even questioned her about it and she said it was the only long-sleeve she had, and nobody was going to see it. It wasn't the first she's done it either,, according to him.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

verpin zal said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/6096898-post47.html
> 
> "Show taskbar icon" under "find my iphone" menu has to be on for that purple icon to show.


Yes, we are 99% sure that in this case when 'Find My Iphone' could not immediately locate her phone a screen came up which said,'notify me when Iphone is located', with a box to check if you want to be notified. He checked this box, unknowing the notification comes by way of email which was sent to her email account. She must have seen both the emails (as he checked her location twice) In this case, that's how she was tipped off she was being tracked, because it only took a minute more for the phone to be located.

Bottom line-- if you are trying to track someone and you DON'T want them to know. Don't ever check that box. 

I verified this with my own Iphone. Firstly, I successfully locatedit with my ipad. Then, I turned my phone off, and tried to locate it again.The same screen opned saying 'unable to locate at this time, check here to be notified' when phone is located.(Sometimes it shows the last known location) I turned my phone back on-- and bingo I get an email message informing me my phone has been located, and the time and a map of the location.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Baffled, thanks for that info. It is getting more complicated to track a suspected cheater. Good news for privacy, bad news if your spouse is cheating.


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## gijeffro (Dec 13, 2012)

I used Find My Iphone on my WW. It will show the "location services" arrow in the top right corner if it's set to default. You can disable that, but in location services settings, it will still show that Find My Iphone used location services in the past 24 hours. My WW never caught on, however she thought something was wrong with her phone because the battery kept running down. I did use it quite a bit, but I also found where POSOM lived and worked. Anything that utilizes Location Services uses a lot of battery. She was going to take it in to the Apple Store because of the battery, but by then the gig was up.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

He needs to sit down and have a serious talk with her before this marriage is ruined. If she has toxic friends and she has done nothing wrong, he is just feeding their destructive talk. There's a point where you may see things and give him advice that may not apply to his situation. It could be lack of proper communication, that has now been escalated to a lack of trust and an accusation of cheating.

I say this not to be mean because your story is terrible, but be careful that you do not become a toxic friend yourself.


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## Baffled01 (Mar 14, 2012)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> He needs to sit down and have a serious talk with her before this marriage is ruined. If she has toxic friends and she has done nothing wrong, he is just feeding their destructive talk. There's a point where you may see things and give him advice that may not apply to his situation. It could be lack of proper communication, that has now been escalated to a lack of trust and an accusation of cheating.
> 
> I say this not to be mean because your story is terrible, but be careful that you do not become a toxic friend yourself.


Yes, well put.


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