# always in limbo...



## notmotivated (Jun 11, 2011)

Hello All,

I am new to this site, but i have been monitoring and reading post for days trying to get some answers to my questions about the difficulty in deciding separation and divorce. my story is long, but i will try to be brief. some advice from others eithier in similar situations or just basically has some ideas would be appreciated.

i have been married for 14 years and i am 39 years old. my H is also the same age. we were married in our early 20's after briefly dating and then getting pregnant within 6 months of meeting. we were in love, but both admit that by year one and two we realized we did not really get to know each other that well. we found that we were not as compatible as we would like to be and often argued and disagreed on almost everything. 

we do not have really good communication and we never have. instead of accepting our differences and working beyond them or even appreciating them, we often try to change the other person, my H has that habit more than I do and over the years this has taken its toll and i am now miserable. most recently he had an PA and then continued with the individual to have an EA. this has really hurt me and although our relationship was never perfect, there was never a third party involved and he has done that to us. i no longer am motivated or interested in working on the differences. i am disappointed, feel disrespected and do not trust him. he says that although it is not my fault, he was very lonely and that he was seeking attention and affection from someone that understands him better and that the affair was a mistake.

this would seem like a simple answer and would motivate me, but although i am the victim and he did the deed. he does not really seem to be that motivated as well and in fact acts like he really wants me to convince him to stay. this is crazy. i don't know what to do or how to feel. we have a 13 year old son and i would hate to put him through any divorce.

sorry it was longer than i wanted this to be. i have never posted anything about myself before online, but i really feel lost and confused.

tx


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So what do you want? A divorce or to stay married?


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## notmotivated (Jun 11, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> So what do you want? A divorce or to stay married?


I don't really know that is the problem. If it wasn't for our son I would have given up a long time ago. Its hard when kids are involved. But it is really hard for me to see us getting past this. I don't see him the same or feel the same at all. I guess I really need to figure out the answer to that question. We are in separate rooms for a month now and I've threatened divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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