# Husband's depression/anxiety



## Nicole123 (Aug 16, 2011)

I am new here and am looking for advice. I have been married for over twenty years to Tom. We have two sons. He has been depressed and had anxiety from day one. I was so young when we were married, I did not realize the extent of what it would be like to live with someone with this illness every day for years. I am so tired. Everything is about him. This is such a selfish disease. I am so tired of trying to talk logically with someone who can never imagine anything but the worst will happen. I am tired of having a perfectly fine, quiet day or evening ruined by his excessive worrying over everything. I feel bad for him but at the same time I feel like I can give no more. I can't help him. He has taken so many different medications and is currrently on enough to knock out a horse, but it doesn't really help. He even tried shock therapy. We have one son at home and I know that this has negatively affected him. There is a huge part of me that wants to just take my son and leave. I don't see a brighter future ahead. The problem is, I really do love him. I want him to be happy. I don't want him to hurt. I have discussed a separation with him and it about sent him over the edge. He has been hospitalized for suicidal thoughts but never has made an actual attempt. He has a close family member that has though. I am afraid of what he might do to himself if I do leave. I really don't know which way to turn. Tonight he was crying and when I try to talk with him he says nothing is wrong. I feel like a bad person because I don't want to go through the whole routine of what he is worried about. I have tried to do the whole lets imagine the worst case scenario, make a plan etc. and nothing helps. I have tried to get him to meditate, exercise, etc., everything. I know this is long and I am sorry and desperate. Thanks.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Maybe he is on too much medication. I saw that a lot back when I owned a pharmacy. Another problem frequently seen was misdiagnosis of mental illnesses--and ineffective prescribing habits by general practitioners. Has he been properly diagnosed? Has counseling been tried in conjunction with medication?


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## Riverside MFT (Oct 5, 2009)

I agree with 827Aug in that he was probably misdiagnosed. I think he is dealing with much more than just anxiety and depression. If this has been going on for a long time, he may have a personality disorder. I would have him checked out by a clinical psychologist. Have him take a test like the MMPI-2 which can identify personality disorders as well as other possible problems in life. Before he can get the appropriate counseling and medication he needs to be properly diagnosed.
You also need to set your own boundaries and take care of yourself. He sounds very much like a child in that he will take whatever attention you give him and continue to demand more. Sometimes it is very healthy for both you and him to say "No." "I am not able to help you with that right now." etc,


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