# Interfering "Friend"



## laidback (Mar 18, 2012)

I have a friend and we've been friends for over 5 years. I'll call her Jane. We hang out with 5 or 6 other friends, whom I've also known for a long time. But in the last year or so, every time somebody in our group of friends decides to date, Jane, for some reason, tries to interfere in the relationship and break them up, i.e., she kisses the guy, stops speaking to the girl, invites the guy over to her house late at night. 
I think that she does this because she has low self-esteem that is hurt whenever she sees somebody in a healthy relationship. What Jane does causes unnecessary drama between us. I don't really speak to her much anymore, but some of the my other friends don't want to exclude her. They bring up the point that Jane still has feelings, even if she uses them to manipulate people.
I don't think that this is how friends should act. How can I either show her how she's hurting the rest of us or convince my other friends that she has not been acting like a friend?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You don't really need to do either. Just continue to maintain distance and don't involve her in details of your personal life. Make sure others know they are not to share your secrets, either. Sooner or later she'll wear out her welcome.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

The other friends already know. When she tells you or talks about doing stuff (kissing etc) with one of the other friends new b.f. - just tell her "that is not cool'. Tell her how she is hurting that friendship. 

I have the feeling that she needs to be told while she is in the midst of being "unfriendly'. (Kind of like, you can't punish the dog 2 days later). She is used to acting like this, and probably thinks it is Okay, or normal.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hello
If it's very important to show her how she's hurting you and your friend, take action.
Let's say you are at a Cafe or a Park with Jane, what would you like to tell her? What would be some ways to keep the conversation friendly? What would be the benefits of telling her your feelings?
If you had questions for her, what would they be?
This conversation is possible. She probably needs somebody to talk about this.


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