# Wives just do not like their husbands



## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

Men....

Do you ever feel like your wife/girlfriend just doesn?t like you and wishes you were someone else?

I certainly have that feeling alot of the time and I?m curious if anyone else has this feeling too?

How do you cope with this situation? How do you not compare yourself to other men when you know your SO is more attracted to them than they are to you?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What makes you think that? Has she said that is the case?


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## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

Various things without coming out and saying it.

She makes comments that start out with the words...maybe if you were more like this...

She will not have sex with me but I know she masturbates a lot and had 5 different vibrators and when I ask about her using them she says it is none of my business.

She reads romantic novels and has said she wished I be more like the guys in the novels.

I cook a lot and clean the house and do alot of the house work for her because she works late a lot of nights and I let her come home and go straight to her bubble bath while I feed the kids and get them into bed and prepared for school and whenever she talks about the house she simply says it?s gross and she is embarrassed by it.

She hates my sense of humor and especially hates my taste in music by telling me that I am effing stupid for listening to garbage.

I work out 6 Days a week and am in decent shape for my age, which is 34, but then makes comments about how if I work out so much, why don?t I look as good as Vin Disel or Jon Cena?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why do you stay with a woman who treats you so badly?


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## vauxhall101 (Jul 23, 2017)

Yes, I would frequently get this feeling with my ex-wife. I felt like she was in love _at_ me, rather than in love _with_ me. Sometimes I felt like her love was almost an accusation (and I feel this is still the case with her now), as in, "Jeez, I love.....you? Why? How come you're not better?".

I think one of the fundamental problems is the difference between men and women - men are very sensitive to criticism and being 'shamed' by their spouse, because it makes us feel like a failure, but most of the time, she does not mean it that way, because women simply don't have the same ego that men do. In her mind, she is just helping you to be a better husband and a better person.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I don't see the sexist thing that you two are trying to create here. 

My son's father treated me with the same kind of disrespect and lack of love. Should I assume that this is how men are? Of course not. Nor should you assume that this is how all women are, or that this is a female thing. 

Instead this is a problem with YOUR WIFE, not all woman. So deal with her as an individual. 

Why on earth would you stay with someone who treats you like this?


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## jinkazama (Nov 5, 2017)

I amJack said:


> Men....
> 
> Do you ever feel like your wife/girlfriend just doesn?t like you and wishes you were someone else?
> 
> ...





I amJack said:


> Men....
> 
> Do you ever feel like your wife/girlfriend just doesn?t like you and wishes you were someone else?
> 
> ...



Yes

because She Was Cheating.

She is no more my wife:grin2::grin2:


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I amJack said:


> Men....
> 
> *Do you ever feel like your wife/girlfriend just doesn?t like you and wishes you were someone else?*
> 
> ...


 No because if she felt that way I wouldn’t be with her. Plenty of women will like you for who you are. Why are you settling for this?


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

Read No More Mr. Nice Guy.

No amount of house work is gonna get your wife in bed with you. No amount of caring for the kids is gonna get her hot & bothered.

For one year, I kept our house as perfect as it could be with 3 kids, meals always ready in crockpot, laundry done. floors mopped, etc.

I also did not initiate for a while, then when I did, I started off only once a week, then slowly increased attempts per week, different time of day, etc. When she refused, I didn't let it bother me. 

I spent time with kids, did more of my own thing. After 14 months & a weekend rebuff, I quit doing everything. Didn't lift a finger. Following weekend, she asked why I wasn't doing anything, I asked Why no sex?

That got the ball rollling. Until you are willing to walk away from your marriage, your stuck. Until you explain that sex is a incredible, wonderful way in which you bond to your partner, and you need it to continue in your relationship, you are stuck.

Get yourself in best shape of your live, get better clothes, be the best you, that you can be. AND be ready to walk away.

When your spouse asks why the sudden change in attitude, tell them "You can only kick a dog so many times before they bite back".

People make time for what is important to them, and she is showing that you are not even on the list.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I amJack said:


> Various things without coming out and saying it.
> 
> She makes comments that start out with the words...maybe if you were more like this...
> 
> ...


Romance novels are to women like porn is to men.

She most likley has a twisted view of what real love and marriage is supposed to be 
Like.

My bet is she reads them and then masterbates to unrealistic fantasies that no real man could do or know or act like.

She addicted to romance novels just like men can be addicted to porn.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

WOW! Your marriage doesn't sound boring to me, it seems broken!

Are you a sahd?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Jack, give the sticky thread at the top of this men's forum a read. There are many topics and resources there you need to understand. It's also linked in my signature. These will help you understand the basis of the answers you are getting and your situation. 

You might start here too... No More Mr Nice Guy

It is time to pull back, not chase. 

BTW, good decision going to MC. You should get a counselor just for yourself (IC). 

Best


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I amJack said:


> Men....
> 
> Do you ever feel like your wife/girlfriend just doesn?t like you and wishes you were someone else?


No I don't ever feel like my wife doesn't like me and wishes I were someone else. Likewise I have never felt that in any of my sexual relationships with various women including my ex-wife.



I amJack said:


> I certainly have that feeling alot of the time and I?m curious if anyone else has this feeling too?
> 
> How do you cope with this situation? How do you not compare yourself to other men when you know your SO is more attracted to them than they are to you?


I wouldn't cope with it because I wouldn't maintain a sexual relationship with anyone who made me feel that way. Likewise I don't compare myself to other men, since despite my faults I think I'm pretty awesome.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I amJack said:


> She will not have sex with me but I know she masturbates a lot and had 5 different vibrators and when I ask about her using them she says it is none of my business.
> 
> She reads romantic novels and has said she wished I be more like the guys in the novels.
> 
> ...


Give all of that, why haven't you ended your relationship with this woman?


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Jack,
I hope you take other's advice here and read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Sometimes spouses wake up a few years later wondering how they found themselves in a bad marriage and by that time they don't what to do. In your case, it sounds like you've been a very good husband, and you have a bored wife. If this keeps up, she will have an affair and leave you. She has already forsaken you for others in a sense. 

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing the more I do for her the more chance I have to get her back, and while it's noble and good to do things for your wife and family, you have to establish expectations that your needs be met and that she end her disrespectful judgments.

After having read so many posts like yours, this scene from Rebel Without a Cause comes to mind:






Don't be that guy. Man up my friend.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Rick Blaine said:


> Don't be that guy. Man up my friend.


Yep! :iagree:


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

vauxhall101 said:


> Yes, I would frequently get this feeling with my ex-wife. I felt like she was in love _at_ me, rather than in love _with_ me. Sometimes I felt like her love was almost an accusation (and I feel this is still the case with her now), as in, "Jeez, I love.....you? Why? How come you're not better?".
> 
> I think one of the fundamental problems is the difference between men and women - men are very sensitive to criticism and being 'shamed' by their spouse, because it makes us feel like a failure, but most of the time, she does not mean it that way, because women simply don't have the same ego that men do. *In her mind, she is just helping you to be a better husband and a better person.*


Good post.

The bolded part above is a Truism. It is the 'Mommy' factor coming out. The 'Mommy Factory'...her trying to re-manufacture you. 
But only when coming from a loving wife, not an enemy of you, an enemy of men.

Just Sayin'


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

On Women's egos....

Hooo boy. They have them too.

And when you marry one with a big-un', prepare for Battle Royales.
The thing is...women with big egos let you know, in no uncertain terms, when you step on theirs.

In general, yes, men have bigger egos...for sure. I believe that comes from the Tea that is injected into us at birth.


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## 482 (Mar 14, 2017)

I amJack said:


> I cook a lot and clean the house and do alot of the house work for her because she works late a lot of nights and I let her come home and go straight to her bubble bath while I feed the kids and get them into bed and prepared for school and whenever she talks about the house she simply says it?s gross and she is embarrassed by it.


If I had a dollar for every time I have read this exact thing I would not be a work right now. Submissive men who chase unappreciative woman and try to people please them to death with countless displays of low value will dry up the passion and respect fast. Do what others are saying. Man up. Withdraw not chase. Read the sticky. Have needs and make sure they are met. Be responsible for your own happiness. Most importantly be ready to leave her if she does not respect your boundaries. Do not discuss what you are doing just live it. Read the books. She is in the bubble bath while you take care of the kids in the house you cleaned. Not only that she is issuing complaints about your body and the house she does not help with. This kind of **** makes my D*** itch it makes me so uncomfortable. Wake up! Stop being a doormat! That goes for her, friends, family, work, everyone. They cross your boundaries they feel your wrath. Feel that? Thats what a confident man does. If she does not respond f*** her. Her loss because you are a confident man that will find his happiness and is desired by many women. 

It sounds like she is just a mean person. You may do all this work for your next relationship but it cannot do anything but help.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Up until the bubble bath part of the story, I was all for calling her out on her ****.

Now I kind of want you to go full on facetious princess treatment on her.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

OP, you posted this on your thread about getting bored in long term marriage



> It seems only natural to feel that way. I mean... I know what my wife is going to say before she says it. What is the point of having a conversation with someone if you know all their stories and you know exactly how they?re going to react to every situation?
> 
> Its like watching the same movie over and over and over and over and over.....
> 
> ...


If this is your attitude in your current marriage, it's no wonder your wife is not attracted to you. I mean, you sound like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. He's depressing. Try looking at the world like Winnie the Pooh and see if things don't improve in your marriage. 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@I amJack

We need some info here because we need a much fuller picture of your marriage/family.

Do you have a job or are you a SAHD?

If you have a job, how many hours a week do you work at your job?

How many hours a week does your wife work at her job?

What percentage of your joint income do you earn?

How many children do you have and what are their ages?

How old are you and your wife?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

That sucks. 

You will get lots of advice - but read carefully since other people's situations may be different. 


There is the valid question of whether you are a sexually desirable person. Do other women give signs of being sexually attracted to you? If not, have you thought about trying to improve that?

Otherwise, some people just don't like sex much. Its even possible she is mostly lesbian. Or as others have said, she has gotten a completely unrealistic idea of what "romance" is like. 

Did she ever want a lot of sex with you, and if so when / what changed?







I amJack said:


> Various things without coming out and saying it.
> 
> She makes comments that start out with the words...maybe if you were more like this...
> 
> ...


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

I do not feel that way at all OP. 
I know I am attractive but there are plenty of more attractive men out there, but my wife makes me feel good about myself. As I do her.
She?s making you feel this way, you?ve likely got low self esteem or an abusive wife.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

OP, Read his.

Allison Armstrong
Do All Your Princes Turn Into Frogs? 


Alison Armstrong - UnderstandMen.com - Do All Your Princes Turn Into Frogs?


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

Handy said:


> OP, Read his.
> 
> Allison Armstrong
> Do All Your Princes Turn Into Frogs?
> ...


This is just meaningless fluff trying to get you to buy into some program.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> I don't see the sexist thing that you two are trying to create here.
> 
> My son's father treated me with the same kind of disrespect and lack of love. Should I assume that this is how men are? Of course not. Nor should you assume that this is how all women are, or that this is a female thing.
> 
> ...


Exactly. It's easier to put up with being mistreated if you think this is how all women are and there are no other options, but now we are telling you that's not true. Not all women act like your wife. It's not good for your kids to think this is normal.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

CynthiaDe said:


> Exactly. It's easier to put up with being mistreated if you think this is how all women are and there are no other options, but now we are telling you that's not true. Not all women act like your wife.* It's not good for your kids to think this is normal.*


*
*

Reemphasized as this can not be said strongly enough.

It's one thing for you to choose to live your own life like this. It's something else entirely to make this the norm for your children, setting them up to repeat this awful history in their own lives. 

Find the strength to do what's right for them.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, from this and your other post, I have to wonder if _you_ like _your wife_? It honestly sounds like the two of you might not really like each other all that much, at least right now. You've confessed to feeling mortally bored by her and your marriage. It's really not all that hard to tell when your partner feels negatively about you, so she might be reacting to your dislike as much as you're reacting to hers. Either way, it's an unhealthy dynamic.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

I amJack said:


> Various things without coming out and saying it.
> 
> She makes comments that start out with the words...maybe if you were more like this...
> Maybe if she was more like this....
> ...





Rowan said:


> OP, from this and your other post, I have to wonder if _you_ like _your wife_? It honestly sounds like the two of you might not really like each other all that much, at least right now. You've confessed to feeling mortally bored by her and your marriage. It's really not all that hard to tell when your partner feels negatively about you, so she might be reacting to your dislike as much as you're reacting to hers. Either way, it's an unhealthy dynamic.


Agree. One of those where its hard to decide which came first the chicken or the egg?
A lot may be on Jack, or his wife may just be a major *****. Either way they dont seem to like each other. And I dont think the man up and other advice is going to help here.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Lila said:


> OP, you posted this on your thread about getting bored in long term marriage
> 
> If this is your attitude in your current marriage, it's no wonder your wife is not attracted to you. I mean, you sound like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. He's depressing. Try looking at the world like Winnie the Pooh and see if things don't improve in your marriage.


You almost never see Pooh without a fistful of honey.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

I amJack said:


> Men....
> 
> Do you ever feel like your wife/girlfriend just doesn?t like you and wishes you were someone else?


Put a fork in the bloating, boring and dead corpse of what you refer to as your marriage.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> You almost never see Pooh without a fistful of honey.


 it's the simple pleasures in life....

BTW, I highly recommend the book The Tao of Pooh. Short read but very helpful. Be The Pooh.


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## I amJack (Nov 2, 2017)

I step away for a couple days and my thread blows up lol

Ok I would like to respond to all the responses but I will likely leave something out so I am perfectly open to anyone private messaging me if you?d like.

I also apologize because I realized I glossed over some facts as well as leaving out one major issue. And that?s the fact that both our children, 10 and 8, are special needs children. Both of them are low functioning and likely will live with us for the rest of their lives. They are both very difficult to care for and it can be exhausting and stressful. We have limited options for babysitting as well due to how hard to care for they can be. I also find that most people don?t understand what it?s like or how hard it is, which honestly just makes me feel more alienated.

Anyway, I have given the impression of being a doormat. I can promise you I am not and I have on many occasions told my wife exactly how I feel and what I want our marriage to be. We have the same conversation over and over. I tell her how I feel and she turns everything into a pity party for herself and basically acts like I did something wrong for simply communicating how I feel and I have gotten to the point where I just get so mad with her for doing this and communicating doesn?t help. That?s why we?re going to a marriage counselor who specializes in helping special needs parents. I?m hoping it teaches both us how to communicate with one another better. I?ve gotten to the point lately that when I try to talk to her I simply look at her and ask her what the f*** her problem is because she seriously acts like an adolescent whenever I ask her for help. 

I have to work on my communication skills too, it?s not all her. Because I have two modes - silently brood and hold things in or turn into a drill sergeant. Ok drill sergeant might be an exaggeration but I can be very blunt and direct and lacking sensitivity to others feelings sometimes. 

Other than that...me and my wife both work. We make about the same income and do well for ourselves individually. Although I started a new career about a year ago and my job has a lot of room for growth and salary increase and her career has plateaued from an income standpoint but she loves her job and takes pride in it - she?s a teacher. 

If I had to take a guess at what has been bugging my wife I would have to say that our home life has become so stressful to her that she has started to want to escape me and the kids to try and relax because when we?re both doing housework and taking care of the kids...it doesn?t go well to say the least. 

Long winded I know but if you want other questions answered please feel free to message me


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Please....

For the love of all that is holy, go and sign up to this website. Buy the book and read it. 

https://www.drglover.com/no-more-mr-nice-guy.html


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> Why do you stay with a woman who treats you so badly?


Why do you stay with your brain on the verge of madly.

She is done but has not yet given you the receipt.
Has not given you the bill, has given you the deceit.
Has given you cold, unloving air, no loving, replete.

I would plan a day, say in six months where:

You have your own place.
Full of your own stuff.
Full of your own dreams.

Empty of her no-value nothingness.

On the day you secretly abscond, flee the [to her] dirty pigeon coop.
Hand her the Freedom Papers, written in Braille, so that she can feel the truth of her poop.

Feel what her actions have reaped.
You gone, she alone. The end-game pain, now then, hath seeped

You happy, she alone.
She alone, none shall carry her water, carry her burden.
Never again, now's time for her to atone.

Do this quietly, getting all your financials, your new place, greasing your Geese, getting them all aligned. Ready for the bolt in your crossbow to arrow forward. To a new life.
Do this quietly. 
Do this quietly, with a wistful demur, a shy smile on your face. A look, that try as she might, cannot decipher.

It is the shock, the surprise that will be fulfilling to you.

She saw you coming and laid out mines, to cut you off at the knee.
This, she will not see coming, no time to jerk to and fro, no time for a counter plea.

Just Sayin'


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@IamJack, you buried the lead. This should have been in your OP.....



I amJack said:


> I also apologize because I realized I glossed over some facts as well as leaving out one major issue. And that?s the fact that *both our children, 10 and 8, are special needs children. Both of them are low functioning and likely will live with us for the rest of their lives. They are both very difficult to care for and it can be exhausting and stressful. We have limited options for babysitting as well due to how hard to care for they can be. I also find that most people don?t understand what it?s like or how hard it is, which honestly just makes me feel more alienated.*


 Yours are not run-of-the-mill marital problems. Couples with one special needs child have a higher than average divorce rate. Two special needs children probably puts you into an even higher risk category.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

482 said:


> Submissive men who chase unappreciative woman and try to people please them to death with countless displays of low value will dry up the passion and respect fast.


A profound observation my man. A profound observation.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Sure. And sometimes I don't like her either! But it passes quickly. I love my wife dearly, and I know she feels the same. 

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Lila said:


> it's the simple pleasures in life....
> 
> BTW, I highly recommend the book The Tao of Pooh. Short read but very helpful. Be The Pooh.


Te of Piglet is also a good one.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

This can happen if you don't keep them chasing you. Your SO should never feel like you're a guarantee. Once they do, then they start treating you worse. If they know they own you then they don't want you and take you for granted. Keep them believing it's a privilege to be with you and do the things to make it a privilege. Never say things to them like "I'd never leave you" or "I'll always be here for you". That leads to them believing you're a guarantee.


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## CaseyMorgan (Nov 25, 2017)

FrazzledSadHusband said:


> Read No More Mr. Nice Guy.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Are you still with her? Your story reads like my life. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

CaseyMorgan said:


> Are you still with her? Your story reads like my life.
> 
> Yes, and actually my problem as of late is unless I pop a Viagra daily, I can't keep up with her. (no kidding).
> 
> ...


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