# Husband caught on sex only site.



## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

Long story short. Set up my husband off sex site to meet at hotel and bring along wine and condoms. He did and it was videotaped. Married 29 years. Only problem at home was him. He was also on several other sites. Please tell me. How should I be feeling. Believe me, I'm no prude, and love sex.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

No one can tell you how to feel. Your feelings are yours. 

Your post is a little cryptic but I am interpreting it as you posed as someone else to see if your husband would meet up with what he thought was another woman for sex - and he did. 

So in other words he was intending to bang some other chick but just wasn’t smart enough to know he was being scammed. 

You can feel however you want about that. You don’t need us to tell you how to feel.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

rosemaryml said:


> *Set up my husband off sex site *to meet at hotel and bring along wine and condoms. He did and it was videotaped.


I'm sorry you find yourself here and in this situation. Super-smart people will be along to help you soon. I'm not one of those 

I don't understand the bolded part above. Can you explain what you mean?

Did you set up your husband somehow?
How was it videotaped? Do you mean the act was videotaped or his entry\exit?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

rosemaryml said:


> Long story short. Set up my husband off sex site to meet at hotel and bring along wine and condoms. He did and it was videotaped. Married 29 years. Only problem at home was him. He was also on several other sites. Please tell me. How should I be feeling. Believe me, I'm no prude, and love sex.


You should just know your husband's a big cheater and liar and I would be more worried about the liar part than the cheater. 

Only you can decide if it's worth it to stay with him or not but that kind of deception and betrayal is a deal-breaker for very many folks. It's very hard to keep your dignity once you know something like that and stay anyway.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

No one knows the answer to that but you. The choice obviously is stay with him or divorce him. Which do you want?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i hope you kept the wine!

i applaud you, that was a very clever proof of if your husband is a cheater or not.

i guess the question is, how many other women has he met, or was that the first time? what led you to believe he was on this sex site? How did you catfish him?

and what site? Ashley Maddison?


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

So sorry, sister. Don’t blame yourself for his lack of character. I think the truth is always better than lies- even if you can’t feel that in the short term.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Time to leave his lying, cheating, ass!


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> No one can tell you how to feel. Your feelings are yours.
> 
> Your post is a little cryptic but I am interpreting it as you posed as someone else to see if your husband would meet up with what he thought was another woman for sex - and he did.
> 
> ...


At this point, Im very hurt and cannot trust. Yes, i set up account, knew what he was looking for, had my daughter involved, he had no idea. he even had the wine and condoms i requested!! Please tell me, what were his intentions?? Please tell me.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

thunderchad said:


> Time to leave his lying, cheating, ass!


He said this was the only time he actually met with someone! Right!!!


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

CatholicDad said:


> So sorry, sister. Don’t blame yourself for his lack of character. I think the truth is always better than lies- even if you can’t feel that in the short term.


Thank you.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

Wrong. It is the only time he got caught!

To me it doesn't matter if it was one time or 100. If my spouse cheats I'm 100% done immediately. I will kick them out, change the locks, and file for divorce the next day.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

Talker67 said:


> i hope you kept the wine!
> 
> i applaud you, that was a very clever proof of if your husband is a cheater or not.
> 
> ...


Wow! been seriously trying to find that answer. very difficult. He will see entries on charges.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

rosemaryml said:


> Wow! been seriously trying to find that answer. very difficult. He will see entries on charges.


Actually, i took out the wine and condoms in front of the hotel, swung them around, gave it to him and pulled off my shirt to expose my beautiful breasts he loved!!! wish i could show the video my daughter took on her phone!!!!


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> No one knows the answer to that but you. The choice obviously is stay with him or divorce him. Which do you want?


At this point, i dont know.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

thunderchad said:


> Time to leave his lying, cheating, ass!


So from a mans perspective, you think he has been cheating and this wasnt the FIRST time? Funny thing is, he had seriously no reason to cheat as far as i was concerned.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

rosemaryml said:


> _*He said this was the only time he actually met with someone! Right!!!*_


Not only did you marry a cheater, but he's also a complete lying sack of ****.

I would suppose you'd better be fully STD tested since Mr. Wonderful is literally ok with jumping on virtually *any* opportunity that falls in his lap. If you think for one MINUTE he cares about the risks of STDs or what he might give you, you are sadly mistaken.

*



...you think he has been cheating and this wasnt the FIRST time? Funny thing is, he had seriously no reason to cheat as far as i was concerned.

Click to expand...

*He does this for *SPORT.* Not all guys who cheat are looking for the "girlfriend experience" or for an emotional connection. Guys like your husband are strictly doing it for the fun of it. Most serial cheaters like your lying husband are just looking for a little excitement from someone *other *than their partner. They crave sexual variety and they crave the newness of someone else. Many of them enjoy the hunt and the chase, some enjoy the conquer, and others do it for ego trip they get from still being able to attract a woman who is stupid enough to waste her time on his sorry ass.

Your only sin was being too familiar to him.

But if you actually believe that utter bull-**** he's trying to sell you about this being "his first time ever doing this," then I have some oceanfront property in Kansas I'd like to sell you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

rosemaryml said:


> At this point, Im very hurt and cannot trust. Yes, i set up account, knew what he was looking for, had my daughter involved, he had no idea. he even had the wine and condoms i requested!! Please tell me, what were his intentions?? Please tell me.


Do you actually have to ask what his intentions were?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

rosemaryml said:


> At this point, Im very hurt and cannot trust. Yes, i set up account, knew what he was looking for, *had my daughter involved*, he had no idea. he even had the wine and condoms i requested!! Please tell me, what were his intentions?? Please tell me.





rosemaryml said:


> Actually, i took out the wine and condoms in front of the hotel, swung them around, gave it to him and pulled off my shirt to expose my beautiful breasts he loved!!! *wish i could show the video my daughter took on her phone!!!!*


Uh what? No parent in their right mind would involve their child in something like this. Somethings fishy...


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

rosemaryml said:


> At this point, Im very hurt and cannot trust. Yes, i set up account, knew what he was looking for, had my daughter involved, he had no idea. he even had the wine and condoms i requested!! Please tell me, what were his intentions?? Please tell me.


He was planning to have sex with some woman from the internet. That was his intentions. Did you know he was on sites and were running this sting to see if he would go through with meeting someone and not just on there for thrills.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

bobert said:


> _*Uh what? No parent in their right mind would involve their child in something like this. Somethings fishy...*_


I agree. I'd started a second post saying that i was starting to believe our legs are being pulled, but I deleted it.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

rosemaryml said:


> Please tell me, what were his intentions?? Please tell me.


You’re joking right?

He was carrying out his intentions, you don’t need anyone else to tell you what his intentions were.

There’s a mantra they use on the Chump Lady website that is dedicated to helping people move on from cheaters.

That saying is, “Trust that he/she sucks.”

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking maybe you are misunderstanding something or jumping to inaccurate conclusions.

Trust what you have seen with your own eyes and what you know in your own brain and heart. 

Trust that he sucks and that he is a cheater.

Intent is 9/10s of the law. 

He intended to have sex with another woman and you know that.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

And the fact that you knew he was on sex sites looking for hook ups shows you already knew he was out looking for other women before you pulled off this little sting operation.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

rosemaryml said:


> So from a mans perspective, you think he has been cheating and this wasnt the FIRST time? Funny thing is, he had seriously no reason to cheat as far as i was concerned.


C’mon, stop with the naive Pollyanna stuff.

You told him to meet you in a hotel with wine and condoms and he came running. 

Do you think a normal, decent guy’s first time is that bold?? 

If this story is for real, you knew all the answers a long time ago.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

How long have he two of you been married? 

Of course he’s going to tell you he’s never cheated before. It doesn’t benefit him to tell you the truth so he won’t. I was married to a serial cheater. He never admitted to anything I couldn’t prove and even then he tried to spin it. 

As to why people cheat? Because they’re bored, because the opportunity presents itself, because they feel entitled to some fun on the side, because they want to see what they can get away with — there are endless reasons.


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## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Sounds like this story and Milli Vanilli's music have a lot in common.............


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Not only did you marry a cheater, but he's also a complete lying sack of ****.
> 
> I would suppose you'd better be fully STD tested since Mr. Wonderful is literally ok with jumping on virtually *any* opportunity that falls in his lap. If you think for one MINUTE he cares about the risks of STDs or what he might give you, you are sadly mistaken.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I appreciate your input. ( To put a cherry on top. He is a professional with his own private office.)


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> How long have he two of you been married?
> 
> Of course he’s going to tell you he’s never cheated before. It doesn’t benefit him to tell you the truth so he won’t. I was married to a serial cheater. He never admitted to anything I couldn’t prove and even then he tried to spin it.
> 
> As to why people cheat? Because they’re bored, because the opportunity presents itself, because they feel entitled to some fun on the side, because they want to see what they can get away with — there are endless reasons.


This whole thing seriously makes me sick to my stomach.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

From a mans perspective, I have absolutely no doubt this wasn't the first time. He is probably up to all sorts of bad things. Chatting with girls online, maybe cam girls, maybe hookers, who knows.

Maybe he even has sex with women at his office.

Go through his phone and computer ASAP and see what else he's been doing, if you really care to stay with him.

My advice would be kick him out and file for divorce.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

thunderchad said:


> From a mans perspective, I have absolutely no doubt this wasn't the first time. He is probably up to all sorts of bad things. Chatting with girls online, maybe cam girls, maybe hookers, who knows.
> 
> Maybe he even has sex with women at his office.
> 
> ...


I have done all of that and then some. copied it all too. im not stupid, but, stupid apparently. just watching to see . He swears over and over (thats expected)hes not even sure why he even went to the hotel. He calls it stupid. I appreciate your input, thanks.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

rosemaryml said:


> I have done all of that and then some. copied it all too. im not stupid, but, stupid apparently. just watching to see . He swears over and over (thats expected)hes not even sure why he even went to the hotel. He calls it stupid. I appreciate your input, thanks.


Tell him that you are arranging a lie detector test. Its highly unlikely that this just happened to be the first time and he is lying through his teeth. Surely you know that?


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

he wanted to put his **** into some strange chick.
that is what he was up to.

the important question is: how do YOU handle that.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Tell him that you are arranging a lie detector test. Its highly unlikely that this just happened to be the first time and he is lying through his teeth. Surely you know that?


She doesn’t need to catch him with a polygraph or to force a confession out of him. 

She knows darn well what he’s all about and has seen him with her own eyes. 

She is either embracing her own on sense of denial in an effort to protect her own ego or this story isn’t for real.

He showed up with wine and condoms to bang another chick at a hotel. There is nothing else to know here.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

This story reminds me so much of Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" series.

Remember how those perverts would drive (sometimes hundreds and hundreds of miles) to the supposed teenage kid's house because they _though_t they were going to get lucky with a kid? Most brought condoms and liquor and others brought sex toys and god knows what else. But when confronted by Chris Hanson, just about every single *ONE* of them used the same steaming bull-**** excuse that the OP's lying husband spewed - *"I've never done this before, this was my first time, it was stupid, I wasn't intending to do anything,*" and blah blah blah.

What a LOAD of happy horse-****.


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## pippo (Jan 12, 2022)

Not judging anyone, you nor your husband at this point, plenty of judges already voicing opinions here, but this reeks of entrapment. If this was a case for evidence for a law case it would be thrown out of court. But like many members here already posted only you can determine what to do next.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pippo said:


> Not judging anyone, you nor your husband at this point, plenty of judges already voicing opinions here, but this reeks of entrapment. If this was a case for evidence for a law case it would be thrown out of court. But like many members here already posted only you can determine what to do next.


It shows his intention though and that was to have sex with another woman.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> It shows his intention though and that was to have sex with another woman.


No, not entrapment for gods sake. its was the only way to get any proof.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

rosemaryml said:


> No, not entrapment for gods sake. its was the only way to get any proof.


I agree. Nothing wrong with doing it this way.


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## pippo (Jan 12, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> It shows his intention though and that was to have sex with another woman.


Right, but also, youd have to admit it shows much more than that specific intention- that male urges are the most powerful urges in the Animal Kingdom. And males are more prone to "want" variety. Not justifying the actions, just trying to explain it, and I am empathetic to the hurt it can bring to (most) the female sex. Thats the cruel world we live in, Di. DNA. We are "wired". And then we are so quick to shame, blame, point fingers. Some of us thrive on it. That's the real shame to humanity.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pippo said:


> Right, but also, youd have to admit it shows much more than that specific intention- that male urges are the most powerful urges in the Animal Kingdom. And males are more prone to "want" variety. Not justifying the actions, just trying to explain it, and I am empathetic to the hurt it can bring to (most) the female sex. Thats the cruel world we live in, Di. DNA. We are "wired". And then we are so quick to shame, blame, point fingers. Some of us thrive on it. That's the real shame to humanity.


I think that people who cheat on their spouses should be blamed. Men and women. Or shouldn't we blame the poor men who go off to meet women in hotel rooms because they 'cant help themselves?'


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

pippo said:


> Right, but also, youd have to admit it shows much more than that specific intention- that male urges are the most powerful urges in the Animal Kingdom. And males are more prone to "want" variety. Not justifying the actions, just trying to explain it, and I am empathetic to the hurt it can bring to (most) the female sex. Thats the cruel world we live in, Di. DNA. We are "wired". And then we are so quick to shame, blame, point fingers. Some of us thrive on it. That's the real shame to humanity.


I appreciate your comments. This is like a dream. I asked him if he would take a lie detector test or im leaving. His response was a very fast no. ( why? because i need to trust what hes telling me. never had any kind of sex etc..etc.. and getting caught at hotel was his first time meeting up with someone.) right!!???!!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

So, are you really leaving now that he turned down a polygraph?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

pippo said:


> Right, but also, youd have to admit it shows much more than that specific intention- that male urges are the most powerful urges in the Animal Kingdom. And males are more prone to "want" variety. Not justifying the actions, just trying to explain it, and I am empathetic to the hurt it can bring to (most) the female sex. Thats the cruel world we live in, Di. DNA. We are "wired". And then we are so quick to shame, blame, point fingers. Some of us thrive on it. That's the real shame to humanity.


I think explaining things is much easier than all that.

Men or women make commitments to one another.
Some people are strong enough to honor their word for their entire lives, regardless of urges.
Some are not.
Get rid of the ones who don't.

Beyond that, explanations are just words about feelings and emotions and somehow trying to explain a person's lack of self-governance. 

Maybe that's good for therapy but not much else.


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## pippo (Jan 12, 2022)

rosemaryml said:


> I appreciate your comments. This is like a dream. I asked him if he would take a lie detector test or im leaving. His response was a very fast no. ( why? because i need to trust what hes telling me. never had any kind of sex etc..etc.. and getting caught at hotel was his first time meeting up with someone.) right!!???!!


I understand your wanting the truth, but no way to tell as the polygraph or "lie detector", is a sham. Frankenstein Science developed and promoted in the Victorian age of rampant Quack Science and snake oil remedies. Honest advice from me (a guy you dont even know), dont waste your time with the lie detector test. False Hope. And false results.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pippo said:


> I understand your wanting the truth, but no way to tell as the polygraph or "lie detector", is a sham. Frankenstein Science developed and promoted in the Victorian age of rampant Quack Science and snake oil remedies. Honest advice from me (a guy you dont even know), dont waste your time with the lie detector test. False Hope. And false results.


The reason he doesn't want one is obvious. Are any of us naive enough to believe that this was the first time?
He has said no. Guilty as sin.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

rosemaryml said:


> I appreciate your comments. This is like a dream. I asked him if he would take a lie detector test or im leaving. His response was a very fast no. ( why? because i need to trust what hes telling me. never had any kind of sex etc..etc.. and getting caught at hotel was his first time meeting up with someone.) right!!???!!


The no tells you all you need to know.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

rosemaryml said:


> At this point, *Im very hurt and cannot trust*. Yes, i set up account, knew what he was looking for, *had my daughter involved*, he had no idea. *he even had the wine and condoms* i requested!! *Please tell me, what were his intentions?? Please tell me.*





rosemaryml said:


> *He said this was the only time he actually met with someone*! Right!!!





rosemaryml said:


> I appreciate your comments. This is like a dream. *I asked him if he would take a lie detector test or im leaving. His response was a very fast no. *( why? because i need to trust what hes telling me. never had any kind of sex etc..etc.. and getting caught at hotel was his first time meeting up with someone.) right!!???!!


I am a man who is in his early 70's. I have witnessed a lot of men make a complete mess out of their lives because they couldn't keep it in their pants. I think that your husband falls into that group. His intentions were not honorable.

Then again, I have never heard of anything like this and think that you probably should have thought about the consequences of your actions a little bit more.

I have to say I am concerned about your involving your daughter in all of this. The part about confronting him in front of the hotel by pulling out the wine and condoms and then exposing yourself, while your daughter is filming it really seems odd, reckless and potentially illegal. What was the motivation for your daughters involvement? Did you want to not need to explain to her why you were going to divorce her father? Did you want to humiliate him in front of his daughter? Prior to this, how did your daughter feel about her father? Did you destroy any love or respect for him that she had? Are you going to pay for some individual counseling and therapy for her or at least include it within your divorce settlement?

I must stay that this is one of the most scorched earth, bridge burning, marriage ending events I have ever heard of. Exposing his cheating in front of his daughter. Wow, make sure you get a protective order against him as part of the divorce process. While I could never do what he did, if I were him I would never be able to forgive what you did.

When you talk to your divorce attorney, you may want to ask him what the laws are where you live about filming or recording others without their permission, so your daughter doesn't get a criminal record. It was explained to me that where I live you can film others where they have no expectation of privacy in a public place, but you may not audio record anything they say without their permission. It has made for some interesting lawsuits. The laws may be different where you live. Oh and ask if the film could be used as evidence in a charge of lewd public behavior against you?

Good luck on your divorce. I hope you find happiness and no one gets in too much trouble with the law.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

rosemaryml said:


> I appreciate your comments. This is like a dream. I asked him if he would take a lie detector test or im leaving. His response was a very fast no. ( why? because i need to trust what hes telling me. never had any kind of sex etc..etc.. and getting caught at hotel was his first time meeting up with someone.) right!!???!!


Why bother?

You know he was preparing for and planning to screw another woman and would have if it was an actual other woman in the hotel. 

You do not have to prove that to him.

You don’t have to prove to him that he is a cheater - he already knows way more about that than you do.

You also do not have to prove that you know he is a cheater. 

And you do not have to prove whether he has or has not already hooked up with other women in order to take action. 

You can do whatever you want simply because you want to.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

rosemaryml said:


> Actually, i took out the wine and condoms in front of the hotel, swung them around, gave it to him and pulled off my shirt to expose my beautiful breasts he loved!!! wish i could show the video my daughter took on her phone!!!!


🤥🤥🤥


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> 🤥🤥🤥





rosemaryml said:


> No, not entrapment for gods sake. its was the only way to get any proof.


it was a genius move!
Sometimes on those types of sites you can narrow down the location to your town, and then the other descriptions in the profile narrow it down further to where you are almost certain who it is. 
but actually getting a video of him showing up at the no-tell motel was priceless!


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## pippo (Jan 12, 2022)

Diana7 said:


> I think that people who cheat on their spouses should be blamed. Men and women. Or shouldn't we blame the poor men who go off to meet women in hotel rooms because they 'cant help themselves?'


It's your option- blame/shame/ostrasize or understand humanity, and evolution. I do not wish suffering , depression, pain on no spouse to whom cheating has happened. Remember- males and females are different animals. Human Evolution does not care which is happy, or sad, or frustrated, or hit with the insidious emotion of jealousy. I feel for BOTH sexes. They have different needs, despite popular and romantic notions promulgated by the Catholic Church and Hollywood movies and Cinderella stories.


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## pippo (Jan 12, 2022)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> I think explaining things is much easier than all that.
> 
> Men or women make commitments to one another.
> Some people are strong enough to honor their word.


You mean commitments made in front of a priest? When many of us were still basically children (under age 25)? Our brainers were not even fully developed. Vows made sometimes under duress? Impossible to keep and understand "commitments"? Like Abandon and forsake all others? How insidious. Abominable.

Most of us young ones who made these ridiculous vows never even read one book on The History of Marriage, or a book on Evolution of Man. Ignorant, gullable, misinformed young children. Honor? For what sake? What does this so called honor cost?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pippo said:


> It's your option- blame/shame/ostrasize or understand humanity, and evolution. I do not wish suffering , depression, pain on no spouse to whom cheating has happened. Remember- males and females are different animals. Human Evolution does not care which is happy, or sad, or frustrated, or hit with the insidious emotion of jealousy. I feel for BOTH sexes. They have different needs, despite popular and romantic notions promulgated by the Catholic Church and Hollywood movies and Cinderella stories.


We all have self control and we can all be faithful if we choose to. Billions of men are faithful, so stop making weak excuses as to how men 'can't help themselves'. We aren't animals. You are making men out to be pathetic weak humans who have no choice but to cheat.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

pippo said:


> You mean commitments made in front of a priest? When many of us were still basically children (under age 25)? Our brainers were not even fully developed. Vows made sometimes under duress? Impossible to keep and understand "commitments"? Like Abandon and forsake all others? How insidious. Abominable.
> 
> Most of us young ones who made these ridiculous vows never even read one book on The History of Marriage, or a book on Evolution of Man. Ignorant, gullable, misinformed young children. Honor? For what sake? What does this so called honor cost?


_"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but *when I became a man, I* put away childish things." _

being "young" when you got married is really no excuse. it was time to step up to the plate and act like a man


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pippo said:


> You mean commitments made in front of a priest? When many of us were still basically children (under age 25)? Our brainers were not even fully developed. Vows made sometimes under duress? Impossible to keep and understand "commitments"? Like Abandon and forsake all others? How insidious. Abominable.
> 
> Most of us young ones who made these ridiculous vows never even read one book on The History of Marriage, or a book on Evolution of Man. Ignorant, gullable, misinformed young children. Honor? For what sake? What does this so called honor cost?


25 isn't a young child for goodness sake. I have friends who married at 19. They have managed to stay faithful throughout their long marriages. I was married with 2 children at 25. 
You are making excuses for people who have no moral values or integrity.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I was married with 2 children at 25.
> You are making excuses for people who have no moral values or integrity.


me two. and the two of us had professional careers to tend to also


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> _"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but *when I became a man, I* put away childish things." _
> 
> being "young" when you got married is really no excuse. it was time to step up to the plate and act like a man


I was still in my teens when married nearly 6 decades ago. Actually I regret we didn't marry when graduated hs. Marrying my wife was smartest decision I ever made.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

OP, if you are legit, that's a baller move. Don't waste time with tests, intent is everything, and your H shows he's a worthless POS.



pippo said:


> It's your option- blame/shame/ostrasize or understand humanity, and evolution. I do not wish suffering , depression, pain on no spouse to whom cheating has happened. Remember- males and females are different animals. Human Evolution does not care which is happy, or sad, or frustrated, or hit with the insidious emotion of jealousy. I feel for BOTH sexes. They have different needs, despite popular and romantic notions promulgated by the Catholic Church and Hollywood movies and Cinderella stories.





pippo said:


> You mean commitments made in front of a priest? When many of us were still basically children (under age 25)? Our brainers were not even fully developed. Vows made sometimes under duress? Impossible to keep and understand "commitments"? Like Abandon and forsake all others? How insidious. Abominable.
> 
> Most of us young ones who made these ridiculous vows never even read one book on The History of Marriage, or a book on Evolution of Man. Ignorant, gullable, misinformed young children. Honor? For what sake? What does this so called honor cost?


Seriously, you're painting a very unflattering picture of yourself. What have you come to TAM to do besides put out excuses for a sorry state of being?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

rosemaryml said:


> At this point, Im very hurt and cannot trust. Yes, i set up account, knew what he was looking for, had my daughter involved, he had no idea. he even had the wine and condoms i requested!! Please tell me, what were his intentions?? Please tell me.


You know exactly what his intentions were! He was ready to lie, cheat and **** another woman. The fact that you had him set up already says you did not trust him. This is just the smoking gun. Your gut Tod yiu he was a liar and a cheat. 
niw yiu decide
1. do you want a divorce
2. is this salvageable?
seems to me this is not his first rodeo. Time for you to get your ducks in a row and get out.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

pippo said:


> Right, but also, youd have to admit it shows much more than that specific intention- that male urges are the most powerful urges in the Animal Kingdom. And males are more prone to "want" variety. Not justifying the actions, just trying to explain it, and I am empathetic to the hurt it can bring to (most) the female sex. Thats the cruel world we live in, Di. DNA. We are "wired". And then we are so quick to shame, blame, point fingers. Some of us thrive on it. That's the real shame to humanity.


What utter BS, this woman is hurting and you are talking like you are some lawyer. This is a matter of a liar and a cheat being caught doing what he does. Seems like this is close to home for you?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

pippo said:


> Right, but also, youd have to admit it shows much more than that specific intention- that male urges are the most powerful urges in the Animal Kingdom. And males are more prone to "want" variety. Not justifying the actions, just trying to explain it, and I am empathetic to the hurt it can bring to (most) the female sex. Thats the cruel world we live in, Di. DNA. We are "wired". And then we are so quick to shame, blame, point fingers. Some of us thrive on it. That's the real shame to humanity.


So you are saying you have no control over your Willy, it has a mind of its own, please, go and tell people who give a damn, no one on this site subscribes to this way of thinking.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> So, are you really leaving now that he turned down a polygraph?


He finally agreed to take poly, so i guess i wait and see.He seems to think he will be out the door anyways, because he says polys do fail.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

pippo said:


> You mean commitments made in front of a priest? When many of us were still basically children (under age 25)? Our brainers were not even fully developed. Vows made sometimes under duress? Impossible to keep and understand "commitments"? Like Abandon and forsake all others? How insidious. Abominable.
> 
> Most of us young ones who made these ridiculous vows never even read one book on The History of Marriage, or a book on Evolution of Man. Ignorant, gullable, misinformed young children. Honor? For what sake? What does this so called honor cost?


Compete BS. Thinking like this can excuse every wrong in the world.
"I didn't understand", "I couldn't control myself", are valid excuses never in a civilized society. Except maybe in the mind of other child-adults.

Adult decisions=adult responsibilities & consequences

OPs husband knew that when he bought the wine & condoms.
He knew that when he made some excuse to go to the hotel.
He knew the risk to his M if OP found out. If he is also a child-adult, then tough. Dems the rules.

Now OP will enforce the consequences, whatever that means in their relationship.

If it were my relationship the betrayal would be too much and D would be inevitable.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> Why bother?
> 
> You know he was preparing for and planning to screw another woman and would have if it was an actual other woman in the hotel.
> 
> ...


thank you.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> I am a man who is in his early 70's. I have witnessed a lot of men make a complete mess out of their lives because they couldn't keep it in their pants. I think that your husband falls into that group. His intentions were not honorable.
> 
> Then again, I have never heard of anything like this and think that you probably should have thought about the consequences of your actions a little bit more.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your input. It was not like that. My daughter is a adult with children, and she is the only one i discuss anything with and always confidential. We have been married 29 years and have 8 grown children, second marriage for both. We have no children together, I had her tape it on her phone, because too hard to believe if you dont see it with your own eyes. All i wanted on this site was some outside input.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

rosemaryml said:


> He finally agreed to take poly, so i guess i wait and see.He seems to think he will be out the door anyways, because he says polys do fail.


They definitely can be unreliable. What they are sometimes useful for is a parking lot confession but I’m not sure he’s the type for that. I think you’ll have to make a decision based on your gut feeling.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Openminded said:


> They definitely can be unreliable. What they are sometimes useful for is a parking lot confession but I’m not sure he’s the type for that. I think you’ll have to make a decision based on your gut feeling.


Why expense of a poly? Even if this is his first time cheating, he has learned to be cautious. Why would OP want to spend time being marriage policewoman? She knows what she is married to.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Rus47 said:


> Why expense of a poly? Even if this is his first time cheating, he has learned to be cautious. Why would OP want to spend time being marriage policewoman? She knows what she is married to.


I would never ask someone to do a poly because I don’t trust them and, to me, it’s a total waste of money. I finally divorced the serial cheater I was married to when I stopped believing he would change. But I know from experience that people (like me) do act as the marriage police and cling to marriages that they should end. Whether the OP is one is yet to be seen.


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## rosemaryml (11 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> I would never ask someone to do a poly because I don’t trust them and, to me, it’s a total waste of money. I finally divorced the serial cheater I was married to when I stopped believing he would change. But I know from experience that people (like me) do act as the marriage police and cling to marriages that they should end. Whether the OP is one is yet to be seen.





Rus47 said:


> Why expense of a poly? Even if this is his first time cheating, he has learned to be cautious. Why would OP want to spend time being marriage policewoman? She knows what she is married to.


This is why i want a poly. First, and most importantly, TRUST has been broken. He told me this was the first time actually meeting up with someone. (expected answer. im not stupid) ok, so, if this actually is the truth, i will know through the poly. 3 of the same type of questions are asked. its kept brief and mixed in.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

rosemaryml said:


> This is why i want a poly. First, and most importantly, TRUST has been broken. He told me this was the first time actually meeting up with someone. (expected answer. im not stupid) ok, so, if this actually is the truth, i will know through the poly. 3 of the same type of questions are asked. its kept brief and mixed in.


I think its a good idea. However the fact that he was ready and willing to cheat at all surely means you cant trust him.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

What made you arrange a fake meeting with him? How was he acting? What was he doing?

I wouldn't waste my money on a polygraph. He showed you he was ready and excited to have sex with another woman.

He showed up once, he will show up again.

Do you really want to be with him?


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

rosemaryml said:


> This is why i want a poly. First, and most importantly, TRUST has been broken. He told me this was the first time actually meeting up with someone. (expected answer. im not stupid) ok, so, if this actually is the truth, i will know through the poly. 3 of the same type of questions are asked. its kept brief and mixed in.


It’s very unlikely that you will ever know with 100% certainty if he’s telling the truth no matter what happens. A poly can’t guarantee he’s actually telling the truth even if he passes. A lot depends on the skill of the examiner and there are other factors that affect it. Accuracy is considerably less than 100%. If you’re basing your marriage going forward on the results of a poly, I would rethink that.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

rosemaryml said:


> Thank you for your input. *It was not like that. My daughter is a adult* with children, and she is the only one i discuss anything with and always confidential. We have been married 29 years and have 8 grown children, *second marriage for both. We have no children together*, I had her tape it on her phone, because too hard to believe if you dont see it with your own eyes. All i wanted on this site was some outside input.


I apologize for thinking "your daughter" was not an adult and possibly also his child. 

However, I would still be concerned about the legal aspects of that cell phone video should it ever find its way into the hands of an attorney for your soon to be ex.

With so many pages of comments, many quite different, I am certain that you did get some outside input, even if it was not totally unanimous, although pretty close.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

pastasauce79 said:


> What made you arrange a fake meeting with him? How was he acting? What was he doing?


I think this needs to be addressed much more in depth.

In order for you to pull off such a sting operation, you obviously had to have know he was up to no good and that this was not just spur of the moment thing that just happened to have popped up out of the blue. 

If this story is to be believed, This has obviously been an ongoing issue for some time.


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