# A confusing situation.



## Idkwtf (Nov 18, 2020)

Hello everyone.

I’ve(35m) been married 8yrs. We had a child together and that along with other issues caused my wife not to have an ovulation cycle for almost 2 years.

She’s a timid little thing who isn’t highly sexual. I mean she loves sex and making love. Loves to be held. Loves romance.

Anyway, after 2yrs without an ovulation cycle she did something completely out of character. Created a social media account, spoke to a guy, sent nudes, and within hours met them.

They said they went out to meet him and wanted to turn back but couldn’t.

They had a car date type of thing. The following is her version of events:

_“She received my text and read it while the guy took the car seat out from the back seat and put it in the trunk. 
He went to the back seat and she followed. 
She was like standing in the back and said, “I need to go home. My baby woke up.” He said, “Awwwh.” In a complaining manner. She said like guilt tripped. She sat down and asked if he brought a rubber. He said, “No.”
He then looked at her and kissed her. It was closed mouth as she tasted something weird. 
She said she didn’t want to be kissed by him but didn’t stop either.
It lasted 30 seconds to a minute.
He then took his pants off to his knees. 
She sat there for a moment considering if she should or should not. That was the conflict within her. She thought if she could just do this then she’d be taken home. 
She then gave him oral. At first she didn’t feel bad about it. That feeling of “this is okay” faded and was gone by the end of it.
Halfway through the oral, though, he was struggling with her pants drawstring. He said, “I think I’m having trouble taking these off.” She sat up and said, “I tied them double-knot for a reason.” Her way of saying she didn’t intend And when he rolled his eyes she untied them and pulled them over her stomach. He saw and said, “Take those off.” 
She pulled them down a little and leaned over to continue oral. He took her pants down a little more and inserted a finger. She jumped some because of the way he put his finger in. She wasn’t expecting it. She can only describe it as uncomfortable. Like she started to “dry up.” Nevertheless, she tried to orgasm through that action. So that way he could hang his hat on that and she could go. But she didn’t. 
She sat up and pulled her pants back on. She sat there for a moment to see if he’d take her back home. She thought, “All this should have been good enough for him.”
He had an angry look on his face and she saw he was still erect. He looked at her expectantly. She pulled down her pants. Took off her right pant leg and sneaker.
She put both legs on either side of his legs. He inserted. 
She began the up and down motion. He went in for a kiss and she moved back as she wasn’t expecting it.
About 15 seconds in she began to moan. The moans were “fake” and “not because of pleasure.” They were an attempt to get “into it” by her. She felt them inside but there wasn’t any pleasure. It was not what they originally planned on doing supposedly. It was further than they wanted to go. She said there was like an emotional block or something. She moaned for 30 seconds total Up until now she felt guilt and what she came to later realize was remorse.
Near the middle of the moaning she felt like, “This is exciting. I’m having sex somewhere in public, and with someone else.” That feeling went away almost immediately. They were replaced with feelings of disgust in herself. 
She began to think about how to leave. How to end it. “What do I say? What do I do? Will he be angry he didn’t orgasm?” 
She tried to orgasm but couldn’t. She figured it would appease him. So she moaned faster to try a simulate one. She jumped off and tried to open the door on her right. She said, “My baby is breastfed and I need to go home. She uses me to eat and I need to get to her.” That was an emotional appeal so she could be taken home. The whole ride home she looked out the window thinking, “Why did I do this?””

Penetrative sex lasted equal to or less than 2min. Oral sex lasted 5min. Kissing 30seconds to a minute._

Don’t know what to make of it. She said she felt as if she was being “pulled by strings.”

I was able to confirm from AP that she stopped it. I was able to confirm AP did not orgasm.

She said it escalated all too quickly. She didn’t expect them to actually come over. But they did. And she met them.

It’s sad. She’s never cheated on anyone in her life. She’s been with real bad guys in the past who have cheated on her and yet she’s never cheated on them. The whole thing is really out of character for her. One of my ICs who is a woman says, “Hormones drive a lot.” And she asked if she was on fertility pills. I said, “No.”. Supposedly fertility pills wreak havoc so be warned whoever may be reading this.

I believe her when she says she won’t do it again. She’s fallen into a kind of depression because of it. She says she’s, “Scared straight.” She hates that she hurt me.

Now, what to do? I have IC... she has IC... we have MC. I have asked a ton of questions and she has answered them. Things I don’t understand are:

_If you were ovulating... how could you not have any real pleasure from the event?(she said her arousal was situational from doing something in public and it left almost immediately and was replaced by disgust)

If Ovulating, even with only 2min of penetrative sex, how could you not have orgasmed?

I was able to confirmed she stopped... but how will I ever know her reasoning? (She said it was because she didn’t want to be there anymore. She didn’t want to go this far. She wanted to be home and tell me what happened.)_

I honestly don’t know what to think. And if I’m honest... and I hope this doesn’t drastically change the advice I’ll get... I also cheated one time on her. Years ago. It wasn’t planned but I stupidly put myself in a situation where I saw as innocent and the girl made a move and I didn’t stop myself. I came clean and have since never done anything like that again.

I don’t know. Maybe I mentioned that instead of keeping it to myself because I want to hear that I should just stay with her. After all, we each did it. Still, though, doesn’t change the hurt.

It took some MC sessions and her sitting down and thinking hard to give me such a detailed(there’s an even MORE detailed version but I spared you guys) version of events. I don’t know what to make of it.


----------



## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

Idkwtf said:


> Hello everyone.
> 
> I’ve(35m) been married 8yrs. We had a child together and that along with other issues caused my wife not to have an ovulation cycle for almost 2 years.
> 
> ...


Dude, what does it matter HOW it all happened? It did because your wife is a cheater - end of story. What you do from here on out is up to you, but if it were me I'd be looking up lawyers and figuring out the divorce.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

> Anyway, after 2yrs without an ovulation cycle she did something completely out of character. Created a social media account, spoke to a guy, sent nudes, and within hours met them.


No. Women do not cheat because they are not ovulating. Yes, fertility problems can cause issues IF trying to conceive but the solution to that is a fertility specialist NOT a stranger's penis.



Idkwtf said:


> If Ovulating, even with only 2min of penetrative sex, how could you not have orgasmed?


What the hell are you even talking about? Ovulation or orgasm have nothing to do with each other.


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

It sounds like your wife is claiming a date rape type situation. Maybe she's telling the truth, maybe she's not. Honestly, you will never know the truth. You could ask her to do a polygraph, but the examiner may not do with her story.


----------



## Idkwtf (Nov 18, 2020)

bobert said:


> No. Women do not cheat because they are not ovulating. Yes, fertility problems can cause issues IF trying to conceive but the solution to that is a fertility specialist NOT a stranger's penis.
> 
> 
> What the hell are you even talking about? Ovulation or orgasm have nothing to do with each other.


I think you’ve misunderstood what I was asking. Not having an ovulation cycle for 2yrs and then suddenly having one, would that play a role into this kind of situation. [See IC’s thoughts on it]

And from what I understand ovulation makes one more sensitive so wouldn’t an orgasm be more likely? 

(I’d love to hear female perspectives, please)


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Idkwtf said:


> I think you’ve misunderstood what I was asking. Not having an ovulation cycle for 2yrs and then suddenly having one, would that play a role into this kind of situation. [See IC’s thoughts on it]


You're trying to find excuses for her cheating. Just stop. And if the IC is trying to make excuses, find a new one. There is no excuse, just like there was no excuse for you cheating. Speaking of, what did you do about that? Did you both get into IC and MC or was it swept under the rug because you'd "never do it again"?



> And from what I understand ovulation makes one more sensitive so wouldn’t an orgasm be more likely?


Are you seriously trying to "prove" she didn't ovulate because she couldn't orgasm?

And for the record, my wife's ability to orgasm or not has _nothing_ to do with ovulation.


----------



## Idkwtf (Nov 18, 2020)

bobert said:


> Are you seriously trying to "prove" she didn't ovulate because she couldn't orgasm?


Respectfully, I do not understand what you’re talking about and how these conclusions are being made.


----------



## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Ovulation has nothing to do with cheating or orgasms period. Hormones increased, sure. But it doesn't make the O more likely and definitely NOT guaranteed. I mean, it sounds like she didn't enjoy it, knows she made a bad choice and now regrets it. But ovulation has literally nothing to do with any of it.


----------



## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

You’re twisting yourself into a pretzel to make excuses for your wife. You obviously don’t want to divorce her so don’t. But don’t delude yourself to justify your decision to stay married. Just admit that your wife cheated but you love her so much that you will stay married.

She advertised online (showing her goods) for sex, met a guy and had sex. There is a saying that “you can’t polish a turd.” You’re making a herculean effort to polish but at the end of the day you’re stuck with a turd.

EDIT: Orgasms seem to be a big deal with you. If she swears not to have one is it ok for her to continue having sex with strange guys?


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Idkwtf said:


> Respectfully, I do not understand what you’re talking about and how these conclusions are being made.


You are either:

Assuming she didn't ovulate, and therefore the bullcrap "hormones" excuse is a lie. And again, get a new IC. 
Saying she is lying about not having an orgasm, because you seem to think an ovulating woman is guaranteed to orgasm. 
You also ignored the questions about how your infidelity was handled.


----------



## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

This whole situation is bad. She cheated and broke the marriage...with a tiny baby at home.

Also, ovulation has nothing to do with an orgasm. This is 100% about stimulation and arousal. At least in my experience it hasn’t made a difference. Many women never orgasm....so whoever told you that was confused.


----------



## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

In addition, if she WAS ovulating, her have penetrative sex is dangerous in terms of pregnancy, which she questioned, but then was OK with bareback sex.

Also, ovulating doesn't make someone get social media accounts, start talking to random men and send NUDES and then want to meet them for sex.

As for the AP verifying her statements, don't you think it's possible that they spoke BEFORE you talked to him to get their story straight?


----------



## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

When did you tell her that you cheated on her? A long time ago or recently? Might be a revenge affair.

It seems like you are both lacking morals and boundaries. Hard to fix that.

I also seriously doubt that she went from never doing this before to having sex with a random guy within hours, I mean who would actually believe that?


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Op, respectfully your first post seems like you wanted to write a bit of sexual fiction. 

How did you gain all the details and conversations' quoted details?


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Come on dude. Stop making excuses for your WW. This was completely premeditated sex. This was no drunken ONS. She signed up, posted nude pics and probably went through a ton of guys before finding the one that gave her the tingles. 

don’t let her play to your internal white knight. She is not deserving of your protection nor should she be given the benefit of the doubt. She didn’t orgasm? Who cares? He completely had her. Make sure she gets a pregnancy test pronto. Any new baby will be presumed to be the husband’s until proven otherwise. Don’t want to raise some anonymous dudes kid 

you would be wise to get yourself checked for STDs and definitely don’t have sex with her. The type of guy that can standout amongst the 1000s of turds on these sites to get wayward to pick him, probably has a lot of women on his roster, meaning your WW may have picked up something.

Also remind your WW that she not kiss your kids until she get a clean Bill of health, std of the mouth are possible . 

hopefully her nudes don’t end up on some milf site.


----------



## Idkwtf (Nov 18, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Op, respectfully your first post seems like you wanted to write a bit of sexual fiction.
> 
> How did you gain all the details and conversations' quoted details?


😂🤣


----------



## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Idkwtf said:


> 😂🤣


For someone who was just cheated on, you don't seem to be taking this very seriously.


----------



## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

moulinyx said:


> This whole situation is bad. She cheated and broke the marriage...with a tiny baby at home.


Totally overlooked that she’s breastfeeding. That makes this that much more disgusting. Having some complete stranger touching and probably slobbering over the breast that are still feeding her baby is so beyond F’d up.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I can tell you right now that ovulating has zero to do with orgasms or what a woman does unless they're trying to have a baby. So leave that out of the equation.

Also, she says over and over then maybe he will take me home. It almost sounds like she got herself into this mess but then was afraid of him enough to peacefully get through it but wanted it to end the whole time and wasn't comfortable. That doesn't minimize her cheating, however.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

Run!


----------



## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

You’re missing the forest (cheating) for the trees (orgasms or lack of, penetration, and every moan).

She sought to cheat on you. She did cheat on you. It doesn’t matter if it was ovulation, hormones, leap year or an eclipse, she chose to betray you in epic fashion in a totally skanky way, not only that, put her life in danger, put her childs life and health at risk and yours. What if this dude was a serial killer? What if he had herpes? She’s kissing your family with that mouth.

You need a new counselor. She needs intensive help of her own. And so do you if you believe any of the crap that was said has any bearing on the cheating itself. She’s not just a cheater, she is an unpredictable risk taking, reckless cheater. What she did was akin to prostitution without getting paid.


----------



## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

jsmart said:


> Totally overlooked that she’s breastfeeding. That makes this that much more disgusting. Having some complete stranger touching and probably slobbering over the breast that are still feeding her baby is so beyond F’d up.


Gross. 

To add to this disgusting image, when I was breastfeeding....I had the joys of an overactive letdown. It would literally shoot out and cause the baby to gag/choke a bit. I cannot imagine this happening with a stranger...even my husband avoided the gals for about a year.

And in the back seat of a car? Are we 15 and losing our v-cards again? This whole thing is so gross.


----------



## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I can tell you right now that ovulating has zero to do with orgasms or what a woman does unless they're trying to have a baby. So leave that out of the equation.
> 
> Also, she says over and over then maybe he will take me home. It almost sounds like she got herself into this mess but then was afraid of him enough to peacefully get through it but wanted it to end the whole time and wasn't comfortable. That doesn't minimize her cheating, however.


She for sure described this encounter as uncomfortable, but part of me thinks that was not the case. She felt bold enough to send nudes and go meet up? This may have been a pity story fed to her husband. The whole progression from BJ, to finger insertion, to full-on penile penetration sounds a bit like they had a fun romp and she dressed it down to get pity/forgiveness.


----------



## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Like I said, she got the whole thing going and went there, but I'm just saying some elements of her story sound like she let that guy intimidate her and that she really got herself into a situation there. It sounds like he was a little overly persistent and pushy. Still, she was cheating, no matter if it went as she hoped or not . Sorry.


----------



## Thumos (Jul 21, 2020)

Her story sounds like a version of every other WW's story - didn't enjoy, didn't orgasm, was talked into it, tried to stop him, etc. We've all heard a version of this. None of us believe our WW's either. You probably shouldn't.

I'm sounding repetitive today but this is also yet another version of what I call the "little lost girl in the woods" story. It's a fairytale WW's tell themselves and their betrayed husbands because they think it somehow can make things better. It won't.

Here's the truth: women like sex just as much as men. Women will almost never put themselves into a situation, proximity, setting, circumstance to be alone with a man unless sex is on the table and she wants it. Now, I'm not saying women don't get raped. I'm not saying there aren't predators out there. But come on, dude. That's not one of those situations.

This is a Proverbs 30:20 situation.

Read it and see what you think.

Most of the time, adulterous women are just like adulterous men. They wanted it, sought it out, set it up, didn't think about you very much, and didn't feel bad it about it afterward. And they thought they could get away with it.

That's usually what you're dealing with.

Also, adultery is abuse. She has abused you and is abusing you now with gaslighting and bullcrap versions of what actually transpired.

Don't accept abuse.

EDIT TO ADD: I just saw that you cheated on her. Well, I'm sorry but reap what you sow. Read what I wrote above about adultery being abuse. If you abused her with cheating, she was traumatized. Now you're both what are called madhatters. That's a real **** show, I'm afraid.


----------



## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

moulinyx said:


> Gross.
> 
> To add to this disgusting image, when I was breastfeeding....I had the joys of an overactive letdown. It would literally shoot out and cause the baby to gag/choke a bit. I cannot imagine this happening with a stranger...even my husband avoided the gals for about a year.
> 
> And in the back seat of a car? Are we 15 and losing our v-cards again? This whole thing is so gross.


And pretty sure he moved his kids car seat out of the way. Id go back and reread but no thanks.


Thumos said:


> Her story sounds like a version of every other WW's story - didn't enjoy, didn't orgasm, was talked into it, tried to stop him, etc. We've all heard a version of this. None of us believe our WW's either. You probably shouldn't.
> 
> I'm sounding repetitive today but this is also yet another version of what I call the "little lost girl in the woods" story. It's a fairytale WW's tell themselves and their betrayed husbands because they think it somehow can make things better. It won't.
> 
> ...


wait he cheated too??? Maybe I missed it in all the different tenses and variable use of pronouns and vomit in my mouth.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

What... no aliens? Good stories always have aliens!!!


----------



## D.Nice (Nov 12, 2020)

Damn, this is too much! I know you mentioned you cheated on her a while ago. But, two wrongs don't make it right. Your wife did something terrible, and I can almost guarantee you that it will not be the last time she does it. I can not tell you what to do but listen to your heart. It will never lie to you!


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The denial and rugsweeping are strong with this one.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

> Anyway, after 2yrs without an ovulation cycle she did something completely out of character. Created a social media account, spoke to a guy, sent nudes, and within hours met them.


Much more likely you don't know her true character.

I bet there is a whole lot more to this onion.

Besides that you cheated.

This is probably your plain run of the mill revenge affair that she now feels guilty about. Or your wife has been doing this your whole marriage. Women's first affairs are not random hookups they just met online. That is not how it works, they do that when they have been doing that a lot. Unless it's done as a **** you for revenge. Any other suggestion is just silly.

Wise up!

Sign, how many of these stories can we have over and over. What is going on in the world. And I am not talking about the cheating I am talking about the magic thinking.


----------



## cocolo2019 (Aug 21, 2019)

OP, how did you find out? Did she confess or did you catch her?


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

There is something seriously wrong with a woman who is married, goes out picks up a stranger and engages in oral and penetrative sex. There is no explanation for it except that she has no boundaries, is a cheater and it is nothing to do with hormones, ovulation, etc. Get your head on straight will you. Go and see a lawyer, get STD tested and tell her to get herself a shrink.
You need to run from this woman, you are in for a store of pain otherwise.

And.....she is NOT a timid little thing who is not sexual, that is utter BS. I would not consider myself timid by any means but I sure as hell wont hook up with a stranger and have sex like this, even if i was single,,,,,,,,, please you seem to have your wife on some sort of pedestal.

Oh and you cheated too according to some poster? Really, if that is the case then you either get a divorce or some serious therapy both as you created a **** storm.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Idkwtf said:


> She’s a timid little thing who isn’t highly sexual. I mean she loves sex and making love. Loves to be held. Loves romance.


Her version of romance is very different than my version of romance.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Idkwtf said:


> _*Nevertheless, she tried to orgasm through that action. So that way he could hang his hat on that and she could go.*_


What a boatload of bull-**** THAT is. Good Lord.

*



He had an angry look on his face and she saw he was still erect. He looked at her expectantly. She pulled down her pants. Took off her right pant leg and sneaker.
She put both legs on either side of his legs. He inserted. 
She began the up and down motion. He went in for a kiss and she moved back as she wasn’t expecting it.
About 15 seconds in she began to moan. The moans were “fake” and “not because of pleasure.” They were an attempt to get “into it” by her. She felt them inside but there wasn’t any pleasure. It was not what they originally planned on doing supposedly. It was further than they wanted to go. She said there was like an emotional block or something.

Click to expand...

*Gee, if her story gets any more ridiculous, she'll have you at the police station pressing charges against the guy for forcing himself on her. I'm curious how you didn't laugh right in her face when she was telling you this ridiculous fairy tale to PLACATE you. I honestly don't know how you did it.

*



She tried to orgasm but couldn’t. She figured it would appease him.

Click to expand...

* 
Yes, that was her *only* goal - to give him an ego boost. 🙄

*



I was able to confirm from AP that she stopped it. I was able to confirm AP did not orgasm.

Click to expand...

*How did you do that? By asking him? Because we all know cheaters NEVER put their heads together and rehearse what their stories are going to be so it's the SAME story you're getting from both of them. Nope, that never, ever happens.

You're new at this, ain't ya?

*



“Hormones drive a lot.”

Click to expand...

*I was wondering when you'd begin making excuses for her. You didn't disappoint me.

*



I believe her when she says she won’t do it again. She’s fallen into a kind of depression because of it. She says she’s, “Scared straight.” She hates that she hurt me.

Click to expand...

*You mean like you believed her when you got engaged, when you got married, when you had your baby, etc. etc.? Like all those times she told you the _*same*_ thing but CHOSE not to honor it after all? Well, you see how well it's worked out for you SO far, so apparently, she's suddenly now trust-worthy. Got it.

*



If you were ovulating... how could you not have any real pleasure from the event?(she said her arousal was situational from doing something in public and it left almost immediately and was replaced by disgust)

Click to expand...

*So you think that because she was ovulating, that automatically MAKES her have pleasure? Where did you get your sexual education from?

*



If Ovulating, even with only 2min of penetrative sex, how could you not have orgasmed?

Click to expand...

*Again I have to ask - where did you get your sexual education from?

*



I honestly don’t know what to think. And if I’m honest... and I hope this doesn’t drastically change the advice I’ll get... I also cheated one time on her. Years ago. It wasn’t planned but I stupidly put myself in a situation where I saw as innocent and the girl made a move and I didn’t stop myself.

Click to expand...

*You love making excuses for unacceptable behavior, don't you? Let's see...this guy practically forced himself on your wife and she only went along with it because she was hormonal and desperate to get home again.

You cheated because someone ELSE made a move on you and in your silly innocence, you didn't stop yourself.

Wow, there's lot of bad people out there who make you and your wife do things you'd never do if it weren't for those evil people making it happen.

Your wife is going to tell you - and all those therapists you're dragging her to - whatever story makes *her* look the most innocent, the most victimized, and the most 'confused.' And sadly, you're falling for her bull-**** hook, line and sinker.


----------



## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

It doesn't sound like the OP has ever had sex before.


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Absolutely nothing confusing about this story, if it's even true.

You both are adulterers.

Ovulation/hormones have NOTHING to do with having an affair.


----------



## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

She is a fool for believing that you would believe her lies. You are a bigger fool if you believe them.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Op, respectfully your first post seems like you wanted to write a bit of sexual fiction.
> 
> How did you gain all the details and conversations' quoted details?


How can you say that, really when all he is asking for is opinions on ovulating and sex from women here (to get a better perspective). I think this whole problem here is due to an abundance of acne mid-term.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

manfromlamancha said:


> How can you say that, really when all he is asking for is opinions on ovulating and sex from women here (to get a better perspective). I think this whole problem here is due to an abundance of acne mid-term.


We'll see. The signs are there.


----------



## Thumos (Jul 21, 2020)

Idkwtf said:


> She’s a timid little thing who isn’t highly sexual. I mean she loves sex and making love. Loves to be held. Loves romance.


Based on what you’ve told us, this set of statements is nothing more than an idealized pedastalized fiction in your own head. The wife you have is a real person, not this rom com fantasy you have. Disabuse yourself of oneitis and stop putting her on a pedestal. Start dealing with reality.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> We'll see. The signs are there.


I hope you noted my sarcasm. I agree with you.


----------

