# I want out...should I leave?



## christian517 (May 10, 2009)

I have only been married for 3 years and I am so tired of being married to this man. We met on the christian chat room and he seem to be a gentleman, but it went sour after about 3 months and then things got a little better. then back to going sour or should I say totally stupid.
I have a 16 yr old son. He liked my husband at 1st and then things took a turn. My husband treats my son ok when he wants to. I thought at 1st my son was upset about someone else being in my life and having to share me, but as time went on, I could see that it was more than that. My son has a heart condition where he died on March 8th, 2007, but GOD gave him back to me. He now has a defribrillator that will shock his heart back if it stops again. My son suffers from migraines and he has a lot going on. He recently tried to kill himself. 

Back to this so called husband of mine. He has 3 children of his own, which i have never seen or talked to. His ex wife was not happy when he remarried. so, she won't let him see them because of me and maybe the child support haas something to do with it as well. Supposely, it was coming out his paycheck every 2 weeks. I did see it on his paystub. He has lost his job due to his stupidity. His driver's license is expired and suspended for not paying tickets. Ok, we solved that problem, paid the tickets. He never paid for the restatement of his license. Oh i forgot to tell you he drives a company van for his job. he has not had his license for almost 2 years. so the job never knew about it until 2 weeks ago when they did a license check on all the employees. so, he lost his job because he did not do what he was suppose to do.

My husband is constantly on porn sites, playing his video games(when i say play his game,i mean all day and night) and not looking for a job. Once he stayed up for 2 days playing that game, no sleep. If i am going to do things by myself then i will leave and do them by myself. i don't need any dead weights. 

About 2 years ago, i almost died from pnuemonia and he would not take me to the dr's. my mom had to come and get me. i ended up having double pnuemonia(both lungs). while i was in the hospital, he packed his things and left me. i talked to him to find out what was going on. he then came back to me and i like a dummy took him back. later i found out that he went and got an apartment by himself. at least that is what he is saying. he said that i questioned him to much. he has done alot of lying. he told me before we got married that he cheated on his ex wife. that should have been a sign, but i married him anyway. he is startiing to become controlling and i want out before something happens. my friends and family sees how he treats me and they are not happy. i am the tyoe to deal with things the best i can, but this is too much for anyone. i know age don't matter but he is 7 years younger than me and he acts just like a kid. my son does not acted like that.

he does not like my family that much and told me to my face that he does not like my mom. well, she cares for me more than he does. my mom is a superwoman. she had 10 children and 1 has passed away and so did my dad. She is about to turn 70 and i love her.

He threaten to divorce me if i did not join a church that he had joined. so, i said ok we can divorce. but he backed down and never went back to that church. he then join my church, which is a family church and now he will not go. he said he does not like my church. i believe that one of our problems is that GOD is no longer a part of our marriage. which is what i believe we need.

Please help me! I am not happy! I don't even care about leaving things behind that i bought. i just want peace. Should I leave?????????


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Sorry to hear of the struggles you are facing in your marriage. I believe you are dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder here. There could also be the "Peter Pan Syndrome" at work as well. I have lived with that for the last 25 years. After going to individual counseling for the past year, I have learned much about those disorders and their effect on everyone in the family. Chances are your husband can't be fixed. Most people with those issues live in denial and refuse counseling. Therefore, you may want to ask yourself if you are willing to continue living like this or move on. You may also want to go to individual counseling to help you sort though these issues.

Good luck and may God bless you!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Definitely think you should leave. You have a son that needs your attention right now. Dont let this dead-beat zap all your energy so you have nothing left for yourself or your son.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

christian chat room, huh. you are aware of the 2 reasons God allows for divorce then, right?


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## christian517 (May 10, 2009)

Thank you for all you have said. God knows I need to do something and soon. I have tried counseling for myself and it helped for a short period of time. He won't go, so that leads me to believe he don't want to fix it. He even said at one time he don't need counseling, I do. So, I did go. There are too many pressures on me and my son. Thank you again.


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## wonder (Jun 30, 2008)

i don't have any advice for you about your husband. i just wanted to say that like your sone, i have an ICD also, and it saved my life quite a few times. i wish your son the best.


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## christian517 (May 10, 2009)

Voivod, what are the 2 reasons God allows divorce. Not really sure. Let me know.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

christian517 said:


> Voivod, what are the 2 reasons God allows divorce. Not really sure. Let me know.


adultery and abuse. consult your clergy about the second one.


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

You know this man cheated on his ex-wife. Is he cheating on you? If so, there's your religious "out".


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Addiction, Abuse and Adultery...those are the grounds for divorce. Sounds like he has all three...

Make and exit plan and get out, this isn't healthy for you or for your son, especially if he has the problems you stated.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## christian517 (May 10, 2009)

I got it now, Voivod. Thanks. I really don't know if he has cheated. He says he have not, but I just have a gut feeling. He is a liar. He told me he was not smoking either and I found that out to be a lie. I am actually working on an exit plan. Thank you all!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Lying is a form of abuse and betrayal and clearly a violation of the wedding vows.


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