# No sex. Husband is not attracted to me?



## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

I'll try to make this short. Getting pregnant with my 1 year old son was a bit of a surprise. As soon as I started showing, my husband stopped initiating sex with me. We went 4 months without sex. We did not even have sex on our wedding night (we got married when I was 7 months pregnant). I kept telling myself that after I had the baby, things would change. They never did. We would have sex maybe once a month. We fight about it ALL THE TIME. I am only 22 years old and cannot stand the thought of my husband not wanting me. I have lost all the baby weight. I buy sexy lingerie. Nothing works. When I bring it up all he says is "oh gosh here we go again". 
He is 27 years old. Don't men at this age still want sex all the time? Porn has been a little bit of a problem. Ive never seen evidence of cheating.
This is really beating me up. I go to bed almost every night feeling lonely and depressed. I know I am probably making myself look desperate to him because I tell him that it bothers me all the time. But what else do I do?


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Is he open to counseling at all?


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## loopy lu (Oct 30, 2013)

Marriage/Sex therapist?

My H was a bit funny about sex when pregnant with the first, but got over it when he realised that meant no sex for him. He was always afraid he was going to hurt me or squish me. 

Is he substituting porn for sex? Id say that needs to be fixed. Otherwise, what was it like before baby? Any chance of testosterone issues? 

How was the delivery of your son? Was it traumatic for you? Was it traumatic for him? Does he have some unresolved issues around the birth? 

Good luck. Hope you get some answers.


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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

MissScarlett said:


> Is he open to counseling at all?


He works a good bit and it's hard to find the time. I am going to see a counselor by myself tomorrow. I am hoping to find out if I am crazy or if it's him haha
Speaking of working, he does work a good bit now (sometimes 60 hrs a week) but our relationship was like this even before this job.
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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

loopy lu said:


> Marriage/Sex therapist?
> 
> My H was a bit funny about sex when pregnant with the first, but got over it when he realised that meant no sex for him. He was always afraid he was going to hurt me or squish me.
> 
> ...



I do think it's very possible he is substituting porn for me. But what can I do about it? We have fought about porn several times.
The birth went fine. No problems. Was in labor for only a couple of hours and pushed the baby out quickly with no problems at all. I really think he just finds me unattractive now. I have lost all of the weight. The only thing different is a couple of stretch marks.
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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

Also, our sex life was awesome before I started showing. We had sex several times a day! He was all over me. I really miss that...
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## loopy lu (Oct 30, 2013)

OK, so going to give a bit TMI here...but after my first (10lb baby, natural delivery) hubby watched as they did an episiotomy and that did mess with his head for a bit. Really, no one needs to see that!

He told me his first thought was "OMG, she has to recover from THAT?!?!" and put him off for a bit. 

Also, sometimes they have a hard time reconciling the sex goddess with the mother/maternal role. His view of you has changed in his head from someone he boinks several times a day to the mother of his child. Some guys (not many) find it hard to reconcile the two and get freaky again

Of course, this is all just speculation. Have you asked him why his libido has changed? Have you expressed how this is hurting you?


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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

Yes I have expressed it so many times that talking about it just makes it worse.
It's been a year since we've had the baby. Could he really not be over it yet? Wow. I never even thought that could be it. 
All he wants to do when he gets home from work is play video games. He will google "a$s shake" and "sexy b" on our computer. It makes me so so mad. I am lonely and he's googling this crap on our computer! I wouldn't care so much about it if we were having more sex. To me it just seems like he's replacing me with porn. 

And- let's say maybe he is still traumatized by the birth. What can I do about that? Just accept it and pretend to be happy? I don't think I can do that. It's really depressing me.

Again, thank you for your answers.
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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Tell him.... I am a mother now but I am also a woman and i am your wife. If you can't see me anymore as a full person, as your lover, then we will both be miserable and this marriage will fail. I am miserable!!! We can go to counseling and try to work through this. I am willing to try . If you don't want to do that then we need to be apart and figure out how to best co parent our child as I cannot continue in this marriage the way it is. I need to feel loved, wanted and desired and I don't. I cannot live this way. The choice is yours.
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## Rev. Clonn (Nov 11, 2013)

One more thing, you can see what porn he is looking at and get an idea of what he is fantasizing about. It could help you cope if you know what buttons to push today. Also if you can get him away from porn for a few days than play into his current fantasy you could re-spark his desire for you.
Of course it could backfire and you could be so turned off at what he wants, think then act. I wish you the best of luck with your relationship.


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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

I've tried to tell him how unhappy I am. I've told him that I am on the verge of leaving. But really I have no where to go. I don't make near as much as he does. We just moved to a new town and I have NO family here. I have no friends here. It's quite depressing.

I feel like I can keep talking and talking and it won't fix anything. Talking about this just makes him find me even more unattractive (I think). 

I am pretty sure if we hadn't of moved to a place where I don't know anyone, I would have cheated on him by now. I am at the point where I want attention so badly.... I wish he would give it to me. I know cheating is not the answer. 
Ugh.


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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

I'd also like to say that when we DO have sex, it's ALL about him. Nothing for me unless I ask for it. And even then, he will be like "ugh okay".
WTF?!


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

You married a guy that has his head shoved up his XXX. Hes going to fail the marriage before it really gets a chance to take off. You need to sit him down and tell him you need to talk if he blows you off tell him you think that maybe you both need to separate for a while until he wakes up. If this does not get his attention I would consider moving on. Sex is seriously important in a marriage. Me and my xW fought over it constantly. I am sure its the main factor in our divorce aside of her cheating. 

Get a hold of this problem now before it gets worse. 

Clay


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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

Thank you Clay.
About 6 months ago I got so mad about it that I left and went to my parents for a few days. When I returned home, nothing changed.
Now we live no where near my parents. I have a job so I can't just leave town. There is no where in town for me to go. I have no family here. I feel like I am stuck. 

I feel like if someone told me they would help me with a place to stay, and money and support until I could get on my feet- I would leave.
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## inarut (Feb 9, 2013)

Then ask for help. Go to your family. Tell them how unhappy you are and that the marriage is not working.

Talking with him isn't helping so you need to to take some action, give some consequences if he is capable or even wants to fix this.
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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

Anyone think doing a 180 would help?
I've been reading about it on here.
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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

60 hours work week and video games are not an issue in terms of sapping energy.

Could it be he's having second thoughts about being a father and is trying - in his clumsy way - to 180?


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## nme360 (Nov 11, 2013)

Yes that could definitely be it. 

But- say that is it.... What could I do? 

Saturday was our sons first birthday party. The night before, he stayed up til 2am playing video games. Saturday morning, he woke up 30 min before the party started. While me and my in laws were running around trying to have everything ready- he was in bed sleeping. His dad even came up to me and said "your worse half just woke up- you can do way better than him."
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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

nme360 said:


> I'll try to make this short. Getting pregnant with my 1 year old son was a bit of a surprise. As soon as I started showing, my husband stopped initiating sex with me. We went 4 months without sex. We did not even have sex on our wedding night (we got married when I was 7 months pregnant). I kept telling myself that after I had the baby, things would change. They never did. We would have sex maybe once a month. We fight about it ALL THE TIME. I am only 22 years old and cannot stand the thought of my husband not wanting me. I have lost all the baby weight. I buy sexy lingerie. Nothing works. When I bring it up all he says is "oh gosh here we go again".
> He is 27 years old. Don't men at this age still want sex all the time? Porn has been a little bit of a problem. Ive never seen evidence of cheating.
> This is really beating me up. I go to bed almost every night feeling lonely and depressed. I know I am probably making myself look desperate to him because I tell him that it bothers me all the time. But what else do I do?



I would say he is seeing someone else or is viewing too much porn.

I feel for you.

If I had a 22 year old wife, in great shape, fit, wears sexy lingerie, and I even have a son, that would be great. I would want sex with her all the time. At age 27 he should be a raging sex machine still.

Emotional Affair EA, Physical Affair PA, or porn.

Or he could be a low sex drive guy LD and you are the high sex drive HD lady. Sexual mismatch.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Go to see a lawyer and find out what the financial position would be if you divorce. If it is viable, then file for divorce. I don't know how things work in the USA but if you really show you mean business he will either improve (in which case you might want to stay) or he won't.

If it is not viable then you will need to work on saving up money until it is viable for you to leave. Threatening to leave won't have the slightest effect if he knows you can't follow through.


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