# New to this but really need help!



## scizzos (Sep 24, 2011)

Guys, I really need your honest help here. 

I have been going out with a girl for several months who has serious depression. Until recently she has been using medication but has come off it due to the side effects and her need to be able to cope with life.

She has just had some major changes in her life which I have helped her through and supported her in every stage. This cost me a lot of money and time. It also nearly cost me some friends. I have no problem with helping her, in fact I know that it probably helped her cope.

Everytime she needs something or gets really depressed she uses me to help.

We have had some problems which come and go. This I can deal with. Until lately I thought that her friend who lived in America was only her friend. I have found out that he was until last year when he started to try and take things further. He has made her sit up all night waiting on emails and skype. He dictates when they are in contact and when she annoys him he ignores her and waits for weeks and dozens of mails explaining her turmoil before he answers. This guy had helped her get through a difficult period in her life. They have only ever met in person 5 or 6 times. He had been her consultant doctor on one occasion.

Lately she has become very depressed when he ignores her and now has found out that he has told her lies in the past. These lies have only become apparrent lately as she had been infatuated by him. It makes me feel a bit sick that this has been going on while she was with me but to a degree I can understand as I feel that she has been emotionally manipulated. I may be wrong?

She has tried to break contact with this guy on more than one occassion but he always manages to drag her back. He would email apologising and then say things that makes her question what she has done and then she blames herself for what has happened.

She has now said that because she has moved to a new area she is trying to leave all of her past behind and that includes me. Since her move we have actually been closer than before and she has just admitted that she wants to get counselling. 

Anytime I go away she would call with major problems or would say she was ill. I have just been away and she said that she was going to kill herself. She then said she needed to go for counselling. Everytime I go somewhere it happens. When I spend too much time - always at her request, then she says I smother her. What can I do???

We broke up a few months ago when she said it wouldn't work. I didn't contact her but she kept contacting me. She even visited my friends etc. We arranged to get back after a break of a few weeks but now it seems to have happened again.

She has had a history of bad relationships and seems to be trying to destroy this one. What should I do?

I have helped this girl financially with her move and loads of gifts to cheer her up. I know I will get the money from the move back and am not really that bothered. When she wasn't concentrating on her problems and she was active doing things we got on great and she treated me like a long term partner. I don't know how to cope with her depression and what this all means. What does she want from me? What should I do?

I really don't know whether to completely stay away or to try and talk to her to see if this can work. Sometimes when she is down, especially when she was coming off her meds, cold turkey, she said that it wouldn't work. I had a bit of a go at her a few days ago by text to ask her if she was just using me. She didn't reply but later the next day she asked me to listen to The first cut is the deepest. This is about a girl having been broken hearted by someone and now trying to forget them to give her new love a go. I really did think that this was a turning point for the better.

Please can you give me your thoughts.

Thanx 

scizzos


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