# My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom....



## devilsgurl15 (Mar 8, 2012)

*My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom....*

Hi, my name is Krystle.... I'm 26 years old and my boyfriend, 33, are having some issues in the bedroom. He is an amazing lover, and seems to understand my needs and wants sexually, and is very good with putting my pleasure above his own.....but as much as I appreciate his commitment to pleasure me, I get frustrated with his ability to focus on the matter at hand. He has been diagnosed with OCD and ADHD, and because he is always so hyperactive, he has a very happy, bubbly personality, but it can become difficult when trying to talk out issues because he turns everything into a joke or trys to change the subject because he can't focus on the issue at hand. The other night while we were mid-coitus, he starts thinking of things and asking me about stuff that should NOT be what he's focusing on at the moment....he actually started bugging me about whether I remembered to put the chicken we had for dinner in the frig while I was about to orgasm.....needless to say, I never got there because I was so distracted by his utter lack of being in the moment with me. When I started up again (I was on top because he had worked all day and was tired) he thought I had kicked the blanket we have at the foot of the bed onto the floor. Because of his OCD, he has mini panic-attacks if the comforter or the blanket should touch the floor, because then it means it's not clean, and must be washed immediately. So while I'm in the middle of getting back in the mood, he literally pushed me off of him because he thought I accidentally knocked the blanket on the floor, which actually never moved from it's place on the foot of the bed. Then, because we had stopped, he lost his erection and that was that......I've tried to talk to him about my sexual frustration when he does things like this.....I said that I feel I must not be interesting enough to pay attention to while we're having sex because he seems to be thinking about everything else in the world except having sex with me.....Don't get me wrong, when I can get him to focus, he's amazing in bed, but I can't figure out what to do to get him to connect with me.....any suggestions? I've tried to light candles to set the mood......even tried giving him a massage to relax him, but his mind still seems to wonder.....


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## LaxUF (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom..*

He needs to see his doctor and have his meds changed. I may take some time to get the right Rx for his chemistry but it is worth the effort.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

*Re: My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom..*

That's pretty interesting for a guy. I don't think I could manage to answer 2+2 correctly while having sex. A tornado could rip through the house and I wouldn't notice. The dopamine is flowing and nothing else exists. Its why you never notice she's shredding your back with her nails until you get in the shower (sting!!).

I have to agree with LaxUF... time to change up the meds.


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## Mello_Yellow (Feb 22, 2012)

Very interesting topic. I suffer from ADHD myself, to the point that it has caused problems in most areas of my life. One area that has NOT been a problem is the bedroom with my wife. I have always seemed to achieve some sort of "hyper-focus", if that makes sense. It's the one time I'm able to truly focus on the "task" at hand. I'll try to post more thoughts on this later today.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

*Re: My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom..*

You need to educate yourself more on OCD and ADHD. He can't focus because he has this issues and your lack of patience because your needs are not being met sexually do not help. I'm not saying you do not have a right to feel like your needs should met, BUT right now it seems he is having a hard time. He needs to be seen by a doctor if he hasn't already been. If he is NOT on meds he needs to be. If he is on meds maybe he needs to have them adjusted. After all that has been done and checked into you, if you feel this is something you can't tolerate you need to move on to someone who doesn't have these kinds of issues.


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## LaxUF (Feb 13, 2012)

*Re: My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom..*

I have OCD, ADHD and used to suffer from panic attacks (rarely)... But I can honestly say even before I was diagnosed & prescribed medication I NEVER had an issue staying "on-track" in the bedroom... 

Unless of course I wasn't "on-board" to begin with but that was totally unrelated to my OCD/ADHD and strictly the result of relationship issues.

ADHD meds are made to be out of your system hours before you go to bed... My OCD/Anxiety meds quiet my thoughts so I can go to sleep thus they knock me out. I'd never take those prior to activities.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

*Re: My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom..*

I agree about him being checked out and on medicine if he isn't already. 

It could be his OCD/ADHD or maybe he just isn't really interested. 

Thats why it might be a good idea that he see a doctor. 

Does he only seem to have lack of focus in the bedroom or all areas?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

*Re: My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom..*

I dont think this has to do with OCD/ADHD at all.

Sex has a way of focusing even the most un focussed.

Even if he's distracted by chicken not being put away, rationality should kick in and he should keep that thought to himself. But I'm not OCD so maybe I'm downplaying it.


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## mgperkow (Mar 8, 2012)

*Re: My man has OCD and ADHD....Having trouble getting him to "focus" in the bedroom..*

I dunno. I was diagnosed ADHD as a child, and I've been told by a shrink that I have some obsessive tendencies (and I have anxiety and depression), but I've never had a problem when it comes to sex with my wife. Even before I found a good combination of meds, sex was one of those things that tended to focus my attention like a laser. 

Maybe if his OCD isn't under good control, he's being distracted by other thoughts. I agree with the others who say that he should probably have his meds re-evaluated.


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