# The Baby is his...What should I do?



## ThickMadame (Feb 20, 2012)

Hi all, I am at my end..My husband of 14 years (HS sweethearts) cheated about a year ago. I found out within months of the affair (by her calling & texting me). Apparently he stopped contacting her. She contacted March 2011 to tell me that she was pregnant. 

Well in October 2011 she delivered. DNA test were done in January and this week we confirmed what I knew in my gut...the baby is his. I thought I would be able to handle this. I thought I would be able to get past this and reconcile my marriage. We restarted our marriage. I don't see any signs of infidelity now, however I cannot get past this like I thought I could. I feel like I cannot forgive him, and now we have this baby and the baby mama to deal with for the REST OF OUR LIVES. We have 3 children 14, 12, & 8. How will we explain this to them. 

This girl is a young girl (late twenties) this is her FIFTH child! We are a stable family, college educated, homeowners, and now this. 

Please give me some advice on how can I handle this. I want to leave my marriage but I also don't want to give up. I want to trust and love but I don't think I can ever forgive for this. 

My friends and family know nothing about this so I feel all alone. What should I do? This is not the first time he cheated, but the first time a baby was created....

Thanks, 
ThickMadame


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I couldn't handle that...I know for certain. I'd have to excuse myself from the marriage and just go. I'd also expose it to family and friends. He's a dog.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

I just posted in another thread that I couldn't handle my H having a PA, so child or no child, I'd be out....

And like you said, this isn't the first time he's cheated, are you really ok going through the rest of your life with a cheater??? If he's gotten one girl pregnant and he's a habitual cheater, there's a good chance it could happen again, trust me personally know someone like that!!


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

My heart goes out to you...but I have to tell you that it will never, ever work. The child will be a constant reminder to you, and you will never be able to keep this secret from your children or your family. I would have to advise you to walk away from this man before he robs you of your last shred of dignity.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

And what a moron he is NOT to take birth control into concern as he slept around.

Geesh.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> And what a moron he is NOT to take birth control into concern as he slept around.
> 
> Geesh.


No kidding...it's like a loaded gun! Why on earth would a man take that kind of chance?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Hi ThickMadame ~

Since your husband had unprotected sex with another person, please protect yourself. Go to the doctor and get screened for STDs and do not engage in unprotected sex with him.

What have you done to address his infidelity - in the past and now? Have you attended MC together? As the wayward, HE is the one that needs to show a great amount of commitment to doing the right things to remain engaged in the marriage.

At this point, if I were you, I would be consulting with an attorney so that you can see what all of your options are.

Take it day by day - respect yourself and the very valuable person that you are. Do not let your husband tarnish that for you.

Best wishes.


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## ThickMadame (Feb 20, 2012)

Thanks ladies, I hope I was clear this is NOT THIER 5th child TOGETHER, just her 5th child by that is by him (she has 5 DIFFERENT babydaddy's) : ). He only has 3 by me and 1 by her. I re-read my post it might have been a bit confusing...

sorry if it was...


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ThickMadame said:


> Thanks ladies, I hope I was clear this is NOT THIER 5th child TOGETHER, just her 5th child by him. He only has 3 by me and 1 by her. I re-read my post it might have been a bit confusing...
> 
> sorry if it was...


No, I got what you were saying....I just think that nobody deserves to be cheated on, and multiple times with multiple people is dangerous to _your_ health. I just feel like if you stay and have that constant reminder around, the baby, you will never truly be happy in your relationship. And then there's the total lack of trust that was there anyway right? I just think all the factors in play will wear on you over time....


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I understood too. Still sucks.

Oh and don't forget that she'll be wanting child support soon. Maybe this is what she does...how she makes her money.

I would NOT be able to handle Hubs giving away his money to his wh0re for their love child while we struggle with bills.

Hell to the no.


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## ThickMadame (Feb 20, 2012)

GreenEyes, Thanks so much!
The only thing I really remember hearing in our counseling is that regardless of whether or not we split, he will ALWAYS be in my life. We have three beautiful children that love and depend on their father. I could not pick up and leave, never to see him again, leaving would just make it harder for me AND my children. 

I stayed knowing this was a possibility. I think in the back of my mind, I really never fathomed it would be his. I just he would just slip by and get out of this one. Now its reality and I don;t know how to handle it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You won't be in his life forever. I mean you'll both deal with the kids, but as they grow, they deal with their father on their own. You'll only have to talk to him to arrange holidays...and then when the kids are grown, then it's birthdays, ceremonies and grandchildren. Easy to deal with.

My ex and I used to have to talk almost every day about our child. Then she hit 3rd grade and we saw each other every weekend (because that was the one day she wasn't in school for one of us to pick her up so i'd get her from his house), and now she's in 7th, and she talks to him DAILY...but I go months on end without seeing/talking to him. They arrange their time together and she asks if it's ok and that's that.

So...I don't know how old your children are, but it does get better and by the time they are older, you won't even care about him and his turdness.


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## GreenEyes (Jan 27, 2011)

ThickMadame said:


> GreenEyes, Thanks so much!
> The only thing I really remember hearing in our counseling is that regardless of whether or not we split, he will ALWAYS be in my life. We have three beautiful children that love and depend on their father. I could not pick up and leave, never to see him again, leaving would just make it harder for me AND my children.
> 
> I stayed knowing this was a possibility. I think in the back of my mind, I really never fathomed it would be his. I just he would just slip by and get out of this one. Now its reality and I don;t know how to handle it.


And it's awesome that you are able to acknowledge that he will always be in your life since you two have kids together. That's one thing I have never agreed with is just because a man is a lousy husband, doesn't mean he is a bad father, I hate when women use the kids against the Ex, or vice versa, unless he/she is abusive or endangers the children in any as well.

I know how you feel, we always feel that when we don't want something to be we will somehow slip past it and it won't be true, how many times have all of us felt that way?!!!?? Now that it's out there in the open, and you know 100% that it's his you have to make the decision if it's something you can deal with or not...you will know what is the right decision for you and when the time is right, but I think all of us here collectively agree that nobody deserves to be treated that way.....


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