# Need some peace of mind !! losing my mind



## MBJOE (Nov 2, 2008)

Hi, I am 37 years old and have been in a relationship for 22 years , 16 of which I was married. In June of 2007 I found out my wife was involved with another man that she met on the internet. After I found out and threatened to file for a divorce she stop seeing him. I gave it my all to hold it together just to find out she met someone else on the internet in April of this year. I filed for a divorce after finding out the facts which took me the better part of the month. I had to move out of my house due to the emotional turmoil !! go figure!! My wife was a stay at home house wife for over 16 years. Not only did I do nothing wrong , hell I even gave her a second chance. Now I have to pay over 3,8OO a month for alimony and child support. The laws in PA are unbelievable! and even worst if your the only source of income. This whole thing has been a nightmare and is mentally , physically and financially ruining me. My Son has no Idea what really happened , so the burden of this mess is on my shoulders since he was at home when the divorce papers were served. He thinks that I wanted out of the marriage with his mother. Recently she had to file a complaint with the state police because her boy friend was stalking her after she broke up with him! I guess she is seeing someone new now. I just pray that there are better days for me ahead!! Any advice or input about how to handle this would be greatly appreciated. Thanks


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## CPT CONFUSED (Oct 16, 2008)

"Not only did I do nothing wrong"

not to doubt your feelings my friend because everyone has them and you are totaly correct in feeling every once of what you feel right now but did you ever discuss with your wife why she cheated?? how she was feeling? i know that it sounds right now that i agree with the fact she did what she did was okay but to quote a friend of mine

>>>>the right thing to do?!?!? Impromptu poll time...everybody who thinks an affair is ever "the right thing to do" stand over here>>>>> (crickets chirping)



i know this is going to sound like im dogging you but please take this with a grain of salt when i say it ...when i found out my wife was cheating on me i just about went ape****! beleive me i was hurt,betrayed you name it i fit the profile to a t! but people dont cheat because they are happy i dont know at this point if you guys have thought about saving your marriage but i suggest that you try to talk to her it took me alot to understand as sadistic as this is going to sound that i myself on some level was responsible for my wife doing what she did .. i think you should try to ask her why she chose to do this you might be very suprised by her response! i hope in my being honest with you.. you havent gotten afended that was not my intent just being honest as i see it! it looks like you and your wife have some serious communication issues!

please sit back and acess your situation you might be very surprised by what you might learn about your wife and yourself i hope everything work out okay for you..

and god bless you! with everything you chose to do! 

CPT


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

People cheat because they are selfish. Communication seems to be bad on both parts here.

draconis


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

MBJOE - I feel for you. I was in that exact positionm but I had a lot longer time to deal with it. My wife "checked" out of our marriage 6 months before her affair, and I had time to deal with a marriage that was falling appart.
Looking back, our marriage had been suffering for years as I focused on work (and put it before everything else). Now I can see that the affair wasn't meant to hurt me, it was as Draconis stated - just selfish for her. A way for her to start to move on, make me be the one that ended the marriage, etc.
She admits now that she can't believe I took her back. It has proven to be the best decision either one of us made.
I spent a long time evualating myself and have changed drastically. If this wouldn't have happened I would never have changed. I now feel much more joy, have a ballanced life and am working toward being a much better person.
You can't control the situtation....you can only control your response. The way you deal with life's challenges is your opportunity to define yourself.
I was determined to at least learn from the challenges. My though was I had better get something out of all the pain. --> I learned more about life, myself and relationship that I can ever explain.
Good luck and God speed.


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## MBJOE (Nov 2, 2008)

CPT CONFUSED said:


> "Not only did I do nothing wrong"
> 
> not to doubt your feelings my friend because everyone has them and you are totaly correct in feeling every once of what you feel right now but did you ever discuss with your wife why she cheated?? how she was feeling? i know that it sounds right now that i agree with the fact she did what she did was okay but to quote a friend of mine
> 
> ...


Thanks for the reply. Believe me when I say this , I have communicated it all to her. In the beginning she sad the affair was out of being lonely during the day. I offered to put her through school or whatever else she wanted to do. But I can't compete with someone that barely works and has all the time in the world to be a internet junkey with her. After countless sessions at a marriage counselor the only thing that I can see it that she is into the bad boy look! Whats fun when you have it all ,,, how boring!! It's so much better // funner for her to be with someone that has nothing. !! Thanks again for the response,, staying on plant earth for me as well as my son will soot me just fine. Take care


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## MBJOE (Nov 2, 2008)

draconis said:


> People cheat because they are selfish. Communication seems to be bad on both parts here.
> 
> draconis


Thanks for the reply , Communication was always strong on my part. I did give it my all !!! I just had to walk away. Some people just don't want to be on plant earth anymore or want to act like a 8o's throw back!! don't know.... thanks again


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## MBJOE (Nov 2, 2008)

TGolbus said:


> MBJOE - I feel for you. I was in that exact positionm but I had a lot longer time to deal with it. My wife "checked" out of our marriage 6 months before her affair, and I had time to deal with a marriage that was falling appart.
> Looking back, our marriage had been suffering for years as I focused on work (and put it before everything else). Now I can see that the affair wasn't meant to hurt me, it was as Draconis stated - just selfish for her. A way for her to start to move on, make me be the one that ended the marriage, etc.
> She admits now that she can't believe I took her back. It has proven to be the best decision either one of us made.
> I spent a long time evualating myself and have changed drastically. If this wouldn't have happened I would never have changed. I now feel much more joy, have a ballanced life and am working toward being a much better person.
> ...


Thanks for the reply, That's great to hear that you worked everything out on your end. For me I have spent endless sessions at a marriage counselor. I just can't forgive her this time. Don't want to live my life watching my back!! Some people hold strong family values through out their entire life and some people are as shallow as a puddle only looking ahead one day at a time...


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