# Another Waypoint.



## Alpinglow (Nov 12, 2015)

More than six years ago I posted for the first time in this forum. I talked about my wife's affair, the subsequent therapy we endured and the brutal divorce that followed. I haven't been much of a contributor to others in this forum...more of a taker. For that, I'm really sorry.

I don't know any of you and I doubt many care, but the last six years have been a rollercoaster for me. I started dating way too early, during my divorce. I didn't know this then, but I did this to mask the pain. I met some people that treated me well...but were not the type of people that could offer me anything long term. I used those people. I used them for affection...and I used them to blind myself from the injustice that was happening to my children and I. I feel awful about that...but it happened....and I have to own it.

As time went on, things started to level out. My relationship with my kids was never stronger, and my alone time with them allowed me to take them on some amazing vacations...just the three of us. I also coached their teams, led their scout troops and attend every school event. Our bond now unbreakable...and I plan to make sure it stays that way.

I also travelled personally...as I love to do. I spent 10 days in Patagonia. 5 days in Cambodia. 10 days in Tanzania. I visited the great wall of china, Vietnam, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Mexico, Columbia, France.....and the list goes on.

Through all of this I dated. And as time went on, I periodically found people that I connected with. Almost all of it was online dating...which is really all my schedule permits. I live in a place where dating is very difficult...so I date in a wide radius.

What's the point of all this? Well tonight I lost the one woman that I felt truly compatible with in six years. We had only dated a few months...but had a very strong connection. Her children were great, and we all got along perfectly (her kids and mine). The problem was that she lived an hour and a half away.

An hour and a half may not seem like a lot to many...but it was to her. A recent widow who nursed her ailing husband (whom she adored) along for 5 years before he finally succumb to cancer. Her story may be tragic...but her heart and he her determination are second to none. She is one of the most amazing people I've met in my life and I will miss her greatly.

While our connection when we were together was very strong...she just couldn't bear the thought of being with someone who was so far away. She wanted what she lost...day to day affection. Family time. Simple daily routines. I couldn't be that for her with the distance between us. But I tried.

I sit here tonight and ponder what's next for me. Six years into divorce. One viable person in all those years....all those dates. Feels like a pretty dismal future at this pace. Curious if others are having any post divorce luck dating. If so, how?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

The way I see it, it seems that you have subconsciously been putting the brakes on yourself, not really given yourself a good chance. Afraid to be hurt again? 

Your latest may or may not have sensed this on you, but the 1 1/2 hours away, seems like an excuse for so early in the relationship (a few months). Anyway, to me it appears that she sensed something and bailed out.

Of course, I might be completely off base here with so little info, but it gives you food for your thoughts, at least, I hope?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Alpinglow said:


> More than six years ago I posted for the first time in this forum. I talked about my wife's affair, the subsequent therapy we endured and the brutal divorce that followed. I haven't been much of a contributor to others in this forum...more of a taker. For that, I'm really sorry.
> 
> I don't know any of you and I doubt many care, but the last six years have been a rollercoaster for me. I started dating way too early, during my divorce. I didn't know this then, but I did this to mask the pain. I met some people that treated me well...but were not the type of people that could offer me anything long term. I used those people. I used them for affection...and I used them to blind myself from the injustice that was happening to my children and I. I feel awful about that...but it happened....and I have to own it.
> 
> ...


The only way it may have worked is if one if you had been prepared to move to be with the other. Plus it sounds as if she may not have healed enough from the death of her husband. You said she was recently widowed so like you did in the early days she may be seeking someone to fill that empty space but isn't really emotionally ready for more. 

After my divorce I didn't date at all for 4 years. For the next 2 years it was just a very occasional date and 6 years in total till I met my now husband. So please don't worry about not having met anyone else permanent yet, you still have many years ahead to do that.

The children are so important and it's great that you and they are getting on so well. Plenty of time for another woman when they are older.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Maybe it was just too soon after her husband’s death for her to be in a relationship.


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## Alpinglow (Nov 12, 2015)

Rob_1 said:


> The way I see it, it seems that you have subconsciously been putting the brakes on yourself, not really given yourself a good chance. Afraid to be hurt again?
> 
> Your latest may or may not have sensed this on you, but the 1 1/2 hours away, seems like an excuse for so early in the relationship (a few months). Anyway, to me it appears that she sensed something and bailed out.
> 
> Of course, I might be completely off base here with so little info, but it gives you food for your thoughts, at least, I hope?


Not sure about that. Besides, she is absolutely the type of girl that would have said that. Seems like it was just the distance, maybe coupled with still coping with the loss of her husband.


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## Alpinglow (Nov 12, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> The only way it may have worked is if one if you had been prepared to move to be with the other. Plus it sounds as if she may not have healed enough from the death of her husband. You said she was recently widowed so like you did in the early days she may be seeking someone to fill that empty space but isn't really emotionally ready for more.
> 
> After my divorce I didn't date at all for 4 years. For the next 2 years it was just a very occasional date and 6 years in total till I met my now husband. So please don't worry about not having met anyone else permanent yet, you still have many years ahead to do that.
> 
> The children are so important and it's great that you and they are getting on so well. Plenty of time for another woman when they are older.


If you don't mind me asking...how did you meet your 2nd husband? I'm having a hard time finding ways to meet people. I'm very social and women like me...I just live in a town where everyone is married.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Alpinglow said:


> If you don't mind me asking...how did you meet your 2nd husband? I'm having a hard time finding ways to meet people. I'm very social and women like me...I just live in a town where everyone is married.


On OLD. A Christian site. He lived about 40 mins drive away so not too far to see each other quite regularly thankfully.
It was strange because his in laws literally lived about 10 mins walk away from my house so he had visited just up the road loads of times over the years.


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