# Has anyone "moved out" and moved back in?



## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

Here's the situation of my "moving out". 

(1) Borrowing from some celebrity couple that split but are still wearing their rings..." we still love each other. There are highs and lows in the relationship. It just got to the point where lows are much more than highs." 
(2) The lows are arguments. And they all pretty much stem from his picking on me. Lots of sarcasm. I guarantee he is a good man, but he cannot shut his mouth if he thinks I am not the way he wants me to be. I tolerated to a point and just could not take them. I started to stand up for myself more and he concluded we will always be arguing. Every time a conflict started, before I could even make my point, he would grind his teeth and look angry and said "I knew it, another day ruined". So I had to shut up and eat it inside. 
(3) Anyways, he would often end an argument with the conclusion "it's better off not to be together". I hated that and told him these words should not be uttered without meaning it. And if you say it enough, you probably mean it. 2 wks ago he said it again and said "this can be yours, this can be mine, etc, and one kid each". (we have two boys). 
(4) Our financial situation is so intertwined (no separate accounts, etc) that a quick clean break is impossible. Besides, I have never wanted to leave. I am just hurting too much to handle it. 
(5) Sorry, I am trying to be concise.... To make matters worse, we work together (our own business). So, I cannot just walk out. But I am trying the most serious I can. My parents happen to have an empty house (where I used to live in middle school) that was rented out but now no tenants. It is close to my work. It is remodeled and clean. I need a house, not just some room because I want more for my 5-yr-old. (my big boy is in college). 
(6) So, I set up cable, internet, purchased all the stuff of necessity. We have 2 cars so no problem. I drew up a schedule of which day to pick up kid. Since it's a 30 min drive and I cannot move the kid to a different school, I have to split our pick-ups and drop-offs, and I actually have to go back home 2 days out of the week before I come up with a better idea (so I can drop him off in AM). 3 days like right now he stays with me here. When wknd is over I take him back and come back to the new place by myself. 
(7) My parents are very close to this house and I am trying my best to fend them off. That sounds very rude but I just don't need parental advice. They keep calling my cellphone and I only answer if it's urgent. I have to see my husband at work but I don't work everyday fortunately. 

Gees, this really looks like rambling. My frustration is that they (my parents and my husband are very close) all think I am acting like a little kid and just waiting for me to give in. I am not playing any games and for the past 2 weeks I have been really hurting inside. I wonder if the definition of "moving out" has to be to sever all ties and not planning to go back.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Is your husband critical with everyone? Or even with anyone else? What would he say his reason is? 

He sounds like someone I grew up with. It was difficult to live with this person, but they had a turning point.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

MSP said:


> Is your husband critical with everyone? Or even with anyone else? What would he say his reason is?
> 
> He sounds like someone I grew up with. It was difficult to live with this person, but they had a turning point.


Yes, in general, he is pretty critical, but he holds back more with others. In fact he had gotten our elder son very pissed off with his sarcasm and picking in the past. The thing is, he backs off because he cares about his son. Well, he cares about me, but he thinks a wife should be able to take it.


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Bummer. Does he spend much time with friends? Are any of his friends a positive influence? That could turn him around, maybe. The only thing I've ever seen turn people around who are chronically negative has been God, though sometimes really positive friends can make a difference. Nothing else makes much difference. Well, sometimes an extremely negative situation will snap them out of it, but they usually go back again, without a real internal change.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

MSP said:


> Bummer. Does he spend much time with friends? Are any of his friends a positive influence? That could turn him around, maybe. The only thing I've ever seen turn people around who are chronically negative has been God, though sometimes really positive friends can make a difference. Nothing else makes much difference. Well, sometimes an extremely negative situation will snap them out of it, but they usually go back again, without a real internal change.


Well, not too many friends. He did have a talk with someone (a guy) and told me he learnt something, that (according to this guy) many women have hobbies and interests as part of their identities (for example, this guy's sister likes pottery). I was like (silently) "oh, so for 20 yrs my writing and baking patisserie are teased no matter how I tell u that hurts, but now someone else's words make u see it?". But I did not say anything....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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