# What can I do to become a better wife?



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

What does it take to become a better wife to your husband? What do you men like your wives to do for you?

I'm sure it's been asked before, but I can't find the post. I want to make my husband happy without smothering him.

Thanks.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You'd have to ask your husband. Every man is different.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

I do not know your husband or what you may do or not do for him. 

From a personal perspective I really like my wife to notice and show her appreciation for things that I do that contribute to the family/house etc. Appreciation can be as simple as "wow, thanks for ..... it looks great or that was really helpful etc., " Sometimes just noticing and saying you noticed is great. When my wife does something I am quick to thank her or show my appreciation in some way.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I want to make my husband happy without smothering him.


Off the top of my head, homemade pie and pasta.

More seriously, be happy yourself. I'm happiest when she is noticeably happy. Can be as simple as a smile. Lets me I know I'm pleasing her (and not upsetting her) but also external factors aren't weighing too heavily on her. She is more free to simply love me. Sorry, I don't think I'm explaining well, and it's not as simple as saying "more cowbell".


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I would have to say more intimacy, and not just of the sexual variety. Simple gestures like leaning in to kiss, holding hands and saying "I love you" first. 

And it doesn't hurt to be more active in the bedroom.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'm surprised you would ask, I'mInLoveWithMyHubby ... sounds to me you fulfill every nick & cranny... in the bedroom, in the kichen -what a COOK!! and even in your validation. Really, I bet you have the majority of women topped girl!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm surprised you would ask, I'mInLoveWithMyHubby ... sounds to me you fulfill every nick & cranny... in the bedroom, in the kichen -what a COOK!! and even in your validation. Really, I bet you have the majority of women topped girl!


I'm in a really bad funk right now. I'm trying so hard to snap out of it!


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I'm surprised you would ask, I'mInLoveWithMyHubby ... sounds to me you fulfill every nick & cranny... in the bedroom, in the kichen -what a COOK!! and even in your validation. Really, I bet you have the majority of women topped girl!


My thought, too. You probably know this, but find out what his love language is, and meet his emotional needs.

From your other post about depression, I would suggest trying to do less so that you do not feel overwhelmed, given your physical limitations.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I'm in a really bad funk right now. I'm trying so hard to snap out of it!


I must have missed the other thread/post ....I know for my own husband, when I am not happy, he is not happy... it affects his moods....so anything you can do to give yourself some time , whatever can lift your spirits out of this lower place... do it... make time for it. It's that important. 

Would it help to go visit a friend, have tea together... relax , get lost in a book you would enjoy, anything that might encourage you. 

I know for us women, just having some sense of connection...with other women....feeling we are a part of something, this amazingly lifts our spirits, we need a little of that outside of our marriages too.



> *Lovesherman said:* From your other post about depression, I would suggest trying to do less so that you do not feel overwhelmed, given your physical limitations.


 If you are doing too much & it's taking a toll on you emotionally, you'll need to lay that down a bit, catch your breath.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Belly full, testicles empty. It's as simple as that.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

40isthenew20 said:


> *I would have to say more intimacy, and not just of the sexual variety*. Simple gestures like leaning in to kiss, holding hands and saying "I love you" first.
> 
> And it doesn't hurt to be more active in the bedroom.


:iagree:

These are the basics. The foundation. If you don't have this you got zilch.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I have asked more bedroom time. My drive is higher then my husbands. I do not want to be pushy in this area.

My goal is also to become a better cook and to use all fresh ingredients. I'm bought 12 different herb packs to plant as fresh spices vs store bought. I forgot to germinate the seeds last night, so they will be planted tomorrow. I love healthy cooking and from scratch. My husband, kids, and everyone else that stops by loves my cooking/baking.. However, there's always room for improvement. I bought new professional cookware to make cooking more enjoyable.

I talked with my hubby about this yesterday. He gets pretty defensive as I'm blaming him, which isn't the case. It's me and not him. My pain has been increased and its been very difficult to deal with for some reason this time.

I do not want to run my husband off with the attitude I'm having. I've been a Debbie downer these past few weeks. I'm letting my insecurities get the best of me. I'm afraid to lose my husband, he's such a wonderful man and I'm nothing, but a disabled wife.

I want to be the best wife I can be. I've written letters of appreciation in the past. I've thanked him in several ways big and small. This is the part I do not want to overdo and him getting tired of it.


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## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

I'd explain to him about your insecurities. Take him aside and let him know what troubles you.. let him know you have tried to come up with ways to show him love but you feel inside you are coming up short. This is causing internal stress and you are coming to him for help. Straight out tell him you've been seeking answers and another husband on marriage forum gave you this advice to ask the source your husband directly.

Tell him you are tired of wrestling with this internally and that you need him to tell you the things you do that make him feel most loved by you. Ask him if he has any resentment towards you. Ask him is here anything special you can do for him to connect with him more. Ask him if there are any concerns he has in your marriage.

Men are pretty easy and don't have a laundry list of stuff needed.... sex, decent cooking, friendship, some space, good mother to kids, decent looking wife etc.

Most of all men do not enjoy DRAMA.

So do you both a favor ask him ONCE listen to his answer and do it..then drop it.

Your welcome. A man.
Follow his advice and your life becomes better... don't over think love.
Men are not emotional like women, we are logical.

My wife has to do about only 10% of what I have to to get the same level of LOVE. Its asymmetrical.

Remember you control how you feel... if I can be happy in a sexless marriage so can you in yours...get rid of depression. Thats poison.


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## marriedglad (Dec 5, 2011)

Well, it might sound very odd but to please the man, be happy. Men consider everything as a competition and when a man starts to consider himself as a prize then he's no longer a man.

What will please him is the fact that you're happy to be with him. Of course, giving plenty of attention will make him look at you in a different light than before. 

Believe it or not, for men, if the woman is happy then they don't want anything else, except more and more creativity in the bedroom. 

You can please him by being awesome in bed. You don't have to be a pro or a porn star, just make sure that you're passing the message well that he's the best lay you've ever had and the only one you want to have. To some extent, even submission makes men happy, but it carries the high risks of losing your importance in his eyes. 

As you've mentioned before, put all those spices you've bought to use and amuse his taste buds. The saying "the way to man's heart is through his stomach" is most definitely true. I love my wife loads because I know that when I have a bad day, I can go home and relax with some awesome cuisine made by my babe.

And there is a very thin line between being motivational and being skeptical, you have to keep tiptoeing on that line. At difficult times, men need a cushion to fall on, yet they also don't want to become weak. A wife who can do both is what a man dreams of. Of course, he'll need your support and your criticism, but your words and actions shouldn't be so sugarcoated that they make him obese and lazy. Nor should they be so harsh that they burn him down.

Men can be easily pleased. They don't want diamonds, roses, designer shoes, or a walk at the beach to make them feel special. If you really piss him off, then go to him, say you're sorry, get on your knees, unzip his pants and you know the rest. He'll have no option but to ejaculate and forgive you. :rofl:


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

marriedglad said:


> Well, it might sound very odd but to please the man, be happy. Men consider everything as a competition and when a man starts to consider himself as a prize then he's no longer a man.
> 
> What will please him is the fact that you're happy to be with him. Of course, giving plenty of attention will make him look at you in a different light than before.
> 
> ...


There is only so much I can do in the bedroom without physically hurting myself further. I do what I can to make it interesting. My drive is higher then my husbands for the last year and a half. Gosh, I pray it stays this way for the rest of our days. We have no issues in this area. I also work hard into making sure I look the best I can. Not only for him, but for me as well.

I've accepted my severe chronic pain about a year ago. I'm not the same wife he married over 12 years ago. I'm no longer a long distance runner, nor can we race in triathlons together anymore. Heck, I can't even do the outside lawn work like I use to. 

I'm trying to stay positive, but its impossible to do this on a daily level. I'm not trying to start any drama by any means, but in a few years I'll end up in a full time wheelchair. This is a hard pill to swallow. I'm still only in my 30's.

We had a nice talk last night. Since my injury I have many insecurities. Even my doctor has mentioned how lucky I am that my husbands so supportive. I do worry sometimes I will lose him for someone that is not physically disabled. I broke my neck over 4 years ago playing with my children. Life hasn't been the same since..

Lately, I've had a tough go at it. I need my husbands reassurance. Maybe more then others. I do my best to keep him and myself happy.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Things that make my husband happy in no particular order.

1) Me being happy. 

2) His freedom aka no nagging.

3) Keeping up my appearance.

4) Show true desire for him for him sexually.

5) Take care of our kids and house. No not be Martha Stewart but don't be a FB slug either.


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## Torrivien (Aug 26, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> There is only so much I can do in the bedroom without physically hurting myself further. I do what I can to make it interesting. My drive is higher then my husbands for the last year and a half. Gosh, I pray it stays this way for the rest of our days. We have no issues in this area. I also work hard into making sure I look the best I can. Not only for him, but for me as well.
> 
> I've accepted my severe chronic pain about a year ago. I'm not the same wife he married over 12 years ago. I'm no longer a long distance runner, nor can we race in triathlons together anymore. Heck, I can't even do the outside lawn work like I use to.
> 
> ...


Oh my god, InLove. I'm so sorry for what happened.
Hard to imagine you with a physical pain being a bubbly spirit ont the forum. You're really strong.
You're the perfect wife as you are. Loving and caring. Sexually blossomed and a great cook.
What will make your husband a happy man, is being in his life. And you're already doing a great job in that area, by the way.


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## frankberry (Oct 15, 2012)

For me, personally.

Having her own hobbies turns me on. I love watching her churn away at drawings.

Cooking for me

Self esteem

The ability to speak to me when she's upset in a calm and respectful manner (an attribute she has yet to master)

Being able to be comfortabl sexually with me


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## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Just talk and tell him. You are a great wife. Do not question that. He seems like a great husband. Do not question yourself like this. You are perfect.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

frankberry said:


> For me, personally.
> 
> Having her own hobbies turns me on. I love watching her churn away at drawings.
> 
> ...


I recently have inquired a few new hobbies. I absolutely love them and one of those hobbies is cooking/baking. If I could go to culinary school, I would in a heartbeat. I'm working on becoming a self taught professional homemade cook.

Although, I'm far from being a perfect wife.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> What does it take to become a better wife to your husband? What do you men like your wives to do for you?
> 
> I'm sure it's been asked before, but I can't find the post. I want to make my husband happy without smothering him.
> 
> Thanks.



If you ask yourself that question then you are already there. Congratulations!


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## marriedglad (Dec 5, 2011)

As far as I can see, thank God, you have a pleasant bond with your husband. I'm sorry for my useless reply earlier as I wasn't aware of your condition while posting it. You don't need to worry so much.

Because of your injury, you're just getting paranoid. If you truly believe your husband and his love for you then the fear of losing him shouldn't be surrounding you all the time. When you're in love, it doesn't matter whether your beloved is perfect or not. 

Your injury must have been frustrating your husband as well but not for the reasons you're thinking. His concern must be about how you've been forced into limitations. His happiness depends on your happiness, even more now because of the unfortunate event. Plus, as you two are well happy with each other and even the sex has been cool, then there's no reason for you to believe that you'll be abandoned. You just need to trust your husband and his love for you. You need to be happy, if not for yourself then for your husband. Because if he sees you sad, it will be very difficult for him as well.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You know, just because you apparently take the position that your husband deserves a great wife you are already miles ahead of most of your peers. If your husband has the same opinion (that his wife deserves a great husband), you both are exceptionally blessed. I'm amazed at the legions of allegedly married people who don't seem to believe the position requires anything more than showing up at a ceremony and saying "I do".


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> If you ask yourself that question then you are already there. Congratulations!


I found this site in hopes to find out how I could be a better wife to my husband. He deserves nothing, but the best from me.


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## barcafan (Jul 25, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I found this site in hopes to find out how I could be a better wife to my husband. He deserves nothing, but the best from me.



Dayam....where can I brotha find a wife like you?


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