# Felling Depressed, Lonely and Betrayed



## BoricuaGirl (Jan 30, 2012)

I have been reading some of the posts for some days to see if I can get some help from the experiences of other people.. I am feeling depressed , lonely and betrayed.. My husband just asked me to file a divorce, he wants me to get all the paperwork ready so he can sign it and move on..
I have been married to this man for 8 years. (10 years together) this is my second marriage, he is 51 and I am 50. We do not have children together but my two daughte's live with us. they are twins age 20. One is in college and the other is mentally challenge due to a brain bleed at birth.
When I meet my current husband my I have been on my own for 8 years. My first husband had an affair and left when the kids where only 2. I raised them by myself until I meet my current husband. I consider myself a stron woman. 
when I meet my husband I had my job, a house and a brand new truck. I was finacially stable and was not dependent on any one but myself. 
When I meet my husband he had NOTHING! He had moved from costa rica to USA and his visa was expired. He had two kids with him, son 14 and daughter 10.Some of my friends did not like him and told me at that time he was just trying to get his papers (green card) but I was very much in LOVE and did not listen to my friends. We got married and I used to say we where the hispanic brady bunch. Shortly after we got married the problems began.. my husband had a temper and used to gather his clothes and children and leave. he did this about 5x until I told him I was not going to tolerate this any more. In 2007 we had an argument over his teen daugher .. he hit me and this time.. I told him to leave.. 3 days later he had an accident and his brother called me to tell me he was in the hospital.. I.. like a fool .. whent to his side and the first thing he told me was.. THIS WAS YOUR FAULT!!
He blames me for all the things that go wrong in his life.. he has been unemployed for most of last year and I have been the one supporting the household. Three weeks ago I asked him to get a job to help me out since the savings are getting smaller and smaller by the minute.. he got mad and we started having problems again.. he finally got a job but now tells me he is not going to give me any money and wants a divorce. Last year he bacame a citizen.. I resent helping him as I feel used and betrayed and feel like my friends where right about what in reality he wanted from me. He is cruel and does not want to go to counseling.. I still love this man and feel like a fool for doing so.. 
today I called a friend that is a counselor and asked her if she could talk to him about counseling.. he told her he was busy and that he did not needed counseling as IIT IS ALL MY FAULT!!! 
He has not returned home.. part of my is glad that I will be able to move on.. part of my is torn apart since I still LOVE that man..
I have to keep calm for my daughters.. but I fell like my world is ending and I am torn in to pieces inside...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I have to be blunt here. You will be better off without this man. It does sound like he used you.

Draw up the divorce papers. Do it in a way that gives you everything. He gets the shirt on his back.

Before you give him the divorce papers to sign, move all money in joint accounts into accounts in your name.

Do you own a house? 

If he's too lazy to draw up the papers, do it in a way that favors you. He just might sign them.

You will get over any feelings of love for him after a while.


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## BoricuaGirl (Jan 30, 2012)

EleGirl.. after my first divorce I never wanted to have a joint account.. I own the house and the only thing that is joint is the cell phone bill, the car insurance and he is on my health beneffits at work.. I still drive my old truck that I bought before the marriage so I think it will be a easy process.. but I am so confused and lonely that I still want to try to see if we can resolve this and not end in another divorce


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

While the house is in your name, technically he has a 50% interest in the equity your house has accrued during the marriage.

But put in the papers that you get the house, 100% free and clear.

I understand that you want to fix things. But you know what they say... when something you are doing is not getting the results you want, and you do it over and over again... stop doing it.

Right now he is used to you putting up with every stupid, disrespectful thing he does. He's used to pushing you around and you just taking it withyour tail between your legs. It does not work with this guy. So why do it.

If you draw up the papers and file, he's going to have to think about what he really wants. And you will be in the position to get him to pay attention to what you need and want. 

If he does not want to work it out with you, not filing is not going to help you at all. Staying with this will not help you.

Remember that a divorce can be called off at any time until it's final.


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