# Upset and disappointment



## exhausted39 (Nov 20, 2010)

I just need to get out some frustration. I am so emotionally distraught about what my family life has become. My marriage and family life is not at all what I wanted for my self or my child. I have been married for 15 years with the past 3 to 4 years being extremely difficult. Over the past few years my child has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and an Autism spectrum disorder. Most of my disappoint comes from the way that my husband treats our child. He is not understanding, thinks our child's disorders are a hoax, is emotionally abusive and on occasion physically abusive mostly to our child, and is angry most of the time. My husband has for years depended on me to pay the bills with him only contributing when he feels like it. We both work. I have recently moved out with our child because our child does not want to stay in the home with his father anymore or be alone with him. Since we have moved out of the home I am paying all the bills including house payment for our home in which my husband is living in. My husband does not communicate with us and when he does it is in anger about his feelings and his rights. I am at the point of filing for a divorce but I am worried about what this means for our child. I have always felt that I was raising two children instead of one. My child deserves so much better than this and I don't know what to do. I feel like my child has been cheated out of a life he should have had.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

As a father with a child with ASD I understand how hard it is. You really need both parents to be on the same team. Your husband is robbing your son of his love. Best thing you could do is leave. 
It's hard but from what you wrote you are doing it all yourself anyway. Might as well do it without all that black cloud in your life.


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## torani (May 6, 2013)

wow, I am so sorry that you are going through this. I am very proud of you for getting your child away from the emotional and physical abuse. 

I understand you feel your child will be cheated out of the family life but I feel as if your child will be more cheated if you allow him to stay in that abuse. 

My hope is that you will find an amazing man in the future that will be more and give more to you and your child than your childs own father has... 

Keep your head up, you sound pretty amazing with all you are doing for you and your child. best wishes to you!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

exhausted39 said:


> I just need to get out some frustration. I am so emotionally distraught about what my family life has become. My marriage and family life is not at all what I wanted for my self or my child. I have been married for 15 years with the past 3 to 4 years being extremely difficult. Over the past few years my child has been diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and an Autism spectrum disorder. Most of my disappoint comes from the way that my husband treats our child. He is not understanding, thinks our child's disorders are a hoax, is emotionally abusive and on occasion physically abusive mostly to our child, and is angry most of the time. My husband has for years depended on me to pay the bills with him only contributing when he feels like it. We both work. I have recently moved out with our child because our child does not want to stay in the home with his father anymore or be alone with him. Since we have moved out of the home I am paying all the bills including house payment for our home in which my husband is living in. My husband does not communicate with us and when he does it is in anger about his feelings and his rights. I am at the point of filing for a divorce but I am worried about what this means for our child. I have always felt that I was raising two children instead of one. My child deserves so much better than this and I don't know what to do. I feel like my child has been cheated out of a life he should have had.


Why did YOU leave, when YOU are the one paying the house payment?? Either stop paying it and let them foreclose on it, therefore forcing your husband to either pay or have no home...OR...move back and tell him to get out, after you file for divorce. Your child has been cheated because of how his father treats him, so give him the peaceful life he has requested and deserves.


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## anja (Mar 12, 2013)

How old is your child?

I ask because there is a difference in staying in an unhappy marriage for the kids and staying in an unhappy marriage for the kids.
If you leave, your ex-husband and your son will likely see each other without your supervision (and, in this case, protection). Depending on the age of your son, he may or may not have a voice in court when it comes to visitation rights - which is *his* right as well as the non-custodial parent's.

In some selected cases it may actually benefit the child if the parent thinking of leaving the marriage is able to stick it out a few more years.


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## exhausted39 (Nov 20, 2010)

My child is 10 years old. I have actually tried to stay the last few years for just that reason. It has been very difficult because family and friends look at the situation and say why don't you leave. If only it was that simple. 
3Xnocharm: I left because my child felt more secure outside of the home. The payment is automatically deducted from my account so it taking a little time to get that taken care of. I also do not want to ruin my credit. Him not taking financial responsibility is another reason I want out.


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