# Needing help!!!! Wife Cheated



## hurtingman (Sep 6, 2009)

Let me start out by saying that this is my first post and after reading numerous post got up the courage to get some advise of my own. I was cheated on bay in May of this year, but let me get into the details b4 we have any judgments

My wife and i both knew that our marriage was getting rocky back in July of 08 and did agree that we would both needed to do something b4 we lost each other. well needless to say i was going to be deployed in Dec08 and am currently still deployed. Which took out the possibility of counseling bc of time constraints 

We both decided that we would give a threesome a try to see if it would just spice things up a little. I agreed, but regret that i did because all i was doing it to try and make her happy bc i knew she wasn't ( i later told her this) well she found someone thru a websight and began talking to him. i thought nothing of it until one day i found an email with a picture of his private part. I confronted her and she began to b upset and cried and told me she slept with him the previous day. At this time i was about a week away from being deployed. I comforted her and told her that everything was okay and that hey let me meet this guy and we could poss do a threesome. 

We keep trying to get him to come to the house and meet or even talk to me on the phone , but he wouldn't. Be in mind my wife was totally upfront with him and wat we wanted. Well i never got to meet him and she continued to talk to him. By this time i knew something more was happening. 

I tried my best to make sure that nothing else would happen and constantly argued with her about talking to him and asking her if i was wat she wanted.I started going thru her emails and looking at phone records and found out they had slept together again and that was it for me i went into a rage and contacted him and basically told him it needed to stop.

My wife found out that i had contacted him and blamed me for making him leave and how much she hated me for it. About a week goes by and he contacts her again and tells her that he is also married. I took this to my advantage and just told her how bad of a person he was and blah, blah, blah. Well after that it was ended.

We were working great together for about two months and then he contacted her again and she replied. I asked her about it and she didn't lie and said she needed closure since i took that away from her and need to see him again. She was upfront and honest by telling me this so i gave her the benefit of the doubt and was like ok but u need to end it. 

they saw each other and she told me all they did was kiss which i didn't believe. sorry just didn't have the trust back. I went home back in July for R&R and went thru her phone and found txt messages in relation to them two talking about sex and her telling him that the only thing she told her Husband was that they kissed. 

So me and my rage accused her again of sleeping with him and wat the hell was going on and she continued to tell me that they were friends and nothing happend. I also txt the guy and acted like i was her. I was txt him and got the impression that they had slept together.

well this turned into another argument and she kept saying they are nothing more than just friends and there is nothing else there and how come i don't believe her. He didn't contact her the whole time i had left at home until the morn i was supposed to leave to see how she was doing and they have been talking ever since.

We have had our ups and downs since then, she still talks to him and is open about talking to him. She says that there is something there and she cant let him go right now bc i took the opportunity away from her to let him go. I'm am coping with her doing that and know that the two have been in arguments hoping that 2marrow will be the day that she lets him go and we can start rebuilding.

I have became very depressed, don't eat sometimes, and cant sleep. I wake up every morning checking thru her emails and phone records to see if she has talked to him or to see if it may b over this day only to get disappointed which carries over to wen i get to talk to her which turns into an argument.

I don't know wat to do, i trust her by the way she acts when she talks to me but by continuing to talk to him it is consuming everything i do and everything i think about. I have told her this but it seems sometimes it doesn't matter

I love my wife dearly and know i can get through this but cant figure out how. Please help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## hurtingman (Sep 6, 2009)

srry so long very complicated


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

The most accurate title is "Wife Cheating". Whether she is shtumpping the OM or not (which she most definitely is), she is still cheating. You must focus on doing what is right. Remove her from all bank accounts and credit cards. File for legal separation to protect yourself financially then work on the marriage. Quit financing the affair. She is not choosing because you have not required her to choose between you and the OM. If you cut off the cash, it will make her prioritize what is important. Pay all the bills yourself.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

It doesn't sound like this is what you had in mind when you both agreed to do something to save your marriage. Noone intends to end up like this, but you and your wife have become caught between two worlds, not seperated but not together either. You still associate your wife with commitment and love, but she has come to think she needs this other man to stay happy, and the more you try to cut him out of her life the more she blames you for making her unhappy. 

This is not what you want and not what she wants either. You dont want a wife that treats you like this and I bet she really doesn't want a husband who would let her get away with this kind of behavior. She is not willing to really work on your relationship because that would mean cutting out the happiness she found with this other guy, and trying to find happiness with you, someone she has hurt so badly. She will never be able to do that. The time has come for a seperation. 

If you truely love her and dont want to give up on her then stay in contact, but dont pretend you can exert any control over her. Your brain is awash in intense emotions now, and you cant think clearly. Give yourself some time, develope a routine for yourself, work some things you enjoy into the schedule, and find yourself again. Once you have come to some peace yourself you can think about what you want to do about her, but you cant improve your situation until you improve yourself. 

I'd like to thank you for serving your nation, and wish there was some magic phrase I could give you to make your relationship right again, but there is no such thing. Take care of yourself, choose your own path, and let your wife do the same.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Even small children know with whom they can get away with what from. It is a matter of respect. If you and your wife are engaging in a Ménage à trois with other men, your problem will never get solved. I am not attempting to judge you, but that would not be an option, regardless of how broken a relationship is. And if you are away fom home, that just compounds the issues that you are having with your wife. 

I realize that some couples enjoy this type of thing, and while I don't agree, it is none of my business what other people do. However, I don't believe it is conducive to any committed relationship. That is, of course, just my opinion.

You said that you are deployed. How long will it be before you are back home? I would try in any way that I could to get back home, as soon as possible, if you wish to salvage your relationship.

I am wishing you the very best.


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