# Please help/advise



## rightallalong (Dec 6, 2011)

I have been married for nearly 4 years. For some months this has been unhappy but i have tried to speak to husband and get counselling or just talk. He flatly refused to speak about anything. I suspected he was seeing someone else but i got the usual denials along with being told I was paranoid and jealous. 
Things came to a head in August I told him marriage was all but over and we had to decide whether to make it work or seperate. We had a family holiday booked to Florida in October and he said he didnt want to do anything until the holiday was over.
On return from holiday we carried on, i realised how much I loved him and tried really hard to make things work, i was met with what can only be described as cruelty really. Last sunday he told me he 'didnt want to be here' and wanted to be on his own. I said fine I dont want you to leave but if your decision is made then you have to go I have my 13 year old son living here and I have to think aboaut picking up the pieces of my life. He ummed and aahed, suggested we go for a long walk and we talked. I explained how i realised i had made mistakes and perhaps hadn't handled some aspects of our marriage as well as i could have done but that i loved him and wanted to make things work and that if he was committed and was prepared to talk then we could make it through.
On monday night to cut a long story short he told me he wasnt in love with me anymore, he couldn't be what i wanted him to be and that his ex wife had been texting him saying she wanted him back and he was confued as to the right thing to do. To say I was devastated was an understatement. We spent all night where I told him a few home truths about how weak and guileless hes been about the whole situation and how on earth could he even consider going back to his ex wife who cheated on him several times, is/was a borderline alcoholic, treated their sons like rubbish and has just conveniently split up with her fiance. By 7 o clock Tuesday morning i could take no more and threw him out.
He came by Saturday to collect some things and took some clothes, the PS3, all the DVDs, one bottle of aftershave and some bottles of vodka from the drinks cabinet.
I am utterly bereft and numb. I have cried so much I simply can't cry anymore. I txted him a couple of times last week I am ashamed to say telling him how much I missed him and what the hell was going on but have been reading your posts here and decided not to contact him again. I havent contacted him since saturday.
His friend has tried to ring him and his phone was switched off. His friends would be disgusted that he was back with his ex because they obvioulsy saw the mess she left him in last time. my head tells me that if he wasnts that life over the life i can offer then i am better off without him but my heart is breaking. I want my marriage back but i dont even know the man i married. Please please help. All your stories have helped me through these dark days and i have only just felt able to join and tell my story. Thanks


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Read up on doing a 180 on him. Search for it on this board in other forums. He's obviously been having an affair with his ex-wife.


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## rightallalong (Dec 6, 2011)

Yes almost certainly. I believe he's with her now he's turned his phone off although not sure why as I haven't contacted him since saturday. He's just not the man I married I don't know what's happened and I'm so lost
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## xxPsychoKatxx (Dec 6, 2011)

i went through this with my husband also, he was very cruel and cold about the whole thing in the beginning, he started seeing this girl he went to elementary school with that doesnt live in our town and he made it seem like she was so great and i was devastated, i slowly started to leave him alone and let him do whatever he wanted and just recently things between us have been great but im not sure what will come of this.

i think that you should leave him alone for a while and start doing things for yourself and your son and make it look like you can care less and im sure he will come crawling back wondering what happened, men are mean when they know they can say anything to hurt you and when you show them that it doesnt work anymore they wanna start digging in your life to find out why you arent trying anymore.

focus on yourself and let him be a baby alone and when he wants to grow up and figure out what he wants then you guys can talk about your relationship and the future.


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## rightallalong (Dec 6, 2011)

yes i know you're right. It just hurts so much to know that hes off doing what the hell he likes carrying on like nothing happened and i'm in bits, not that i want him to know that. He is even avoiding his friends and not taking their calls, he really is living in cloud cuckoo land


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## rightallalong (Dec 6, 2011)

incidentally just for the record i sent him about 6 txts over the course of a week, none of them late at night or anything and i haven't tried to call at all. Havent tried to contact him at all since saturday I really can't beleive its because of me hes turned his phone off i think hes just trying to avoid everyone


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