# What makes a man, a REAL man?



## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

OK, ladies, in a spin-off from RJ's ever growing thread, I thought I should ask you all just what exactly it is, that separates the MEN from the boys.

Is it his manners?
Is it his work ethic?
Is it his family focus?
Is it his skills?
Is it his income?
Is it his goals?
Or is it simply the size of his ****?

Explain it well ladies, as there seem to be a few people needing clarification on this. :scratchhead:


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Same thing that makes a real woman a real woman.
Having the courage to drop pretenses and communicate honestly.
First with self, then with others.
Authentic personal power and stability of character.
Realization that no man (or woman) stands alone.
Knowledge and acceptance of one's Achille's heel.
Knowledge and sharing of one's strengths and gifts.
Mostly it's about courage which is different than external acts of bravery or bravado. There are many things that make a person a hero, the ones you have stated as examples are not among them. They are however common ploys to attract a spouse. Which might explain why when used to attract a spouse, you don't always get what you would like to have or were meant to have. 
Men are the same people they were as boys. If you put me back in grade school, I'd probably be able to pick a husband much easier than from the adult population where most of us have learned to pose or picked up the habit of posing/luring due to various fears.
So, it all comes down to courage. Getting comfy with fears, that is.


----------



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Or is it simply the size of his ****?


SIZE DOES MATTER :rofl:

But on a serious note, it's the size of his ballsacs


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Yes, but size is not simple. :-o


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I relate being a real "man" to being a gentlemen combined with being comfortable in his own skin. Having congruency, taking ownership, behaving maturely (and not to be confused with boring or not having a silly sense of humor!), and most of all, to me it's about having grace.

It's not about income, skills, or penis size.


----------



## candiceh (Jan 11, 2012)

Being a gentleman and very respectful and honesty


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Hubs is a real man.

Sure he has his flubs, but all humans do.

He's a man of his word, he takes care of his business, he protects us from financial ruin with his awesome work ethic, he supports us...he is truly our rock, he doesn't act irresponsibly, he doesn't think going out to get shetfaced every night is fun, he takes his family name seriously...that's just a few.

But he also is his own man. He does what he wants, but not in a "I do what I want" type of attitude. He commands respect (no one says a bad thing about him!) and doesn't get involved in the politics of friends etc. 

He keeps his head on straight. Sure, he falls sometimes, but that's why I'm here ...to pick up the slack. He doesn't have to be Superman...


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

A real man knows what his responsibilities are and fulfills his responsibilities. 

He doesn't use his fists when he gets frustrated. He doesn't grind his teeth and hurts his wife by insulting her verbally. He expresses his discomfort in a manly way. 

He respects his wife, but he also lets her know where he stands, he isn't a "yes, madam!" man! He won't allow a woman to run all over him.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Courage
Compassion
A just sense of ethics
A willingness to sacrifice greatly for those ethics.
A willingness to lose all he has to live by those ethics.


----------



## surfergirl (Jan 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Hubs is a real man.
> 
> Sure he has his flubs, but all humans do.
> 
> ...


:iagree:.....you've summed up my own thoughts really well - thanks 

Being "their own man" is something I really admire in men who are comfortable with who they are - it's always refreshing to come across one who has the other redeeming qualities to back it up. 

I look to my father and brothers when it comes to summing up what a real man is - having them as male role models to compare with has been, at times, the only thing that has stopped me becoming jaded against "all" men. I figure that if it's possible for these four men to do it, then it's probable there are more out there.


----------



## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

A real man has STRENGTH ...

... of purpose
... of mind
... of character

The word 'character' means 'to engrave' or 'make a mark'. A man who has strength of character makes a positive mark on not only himself, but all of those around him.

... he has integrity, he does what's right even though it may be difficult or unpleasant.

... he has compassion, especially for those who have less or are in need.

... he has purpose, a desire to do well, a passion to do good, to accomplish - and it's not borne out of greed or lust.

... he nourishes his mind and his soul, just as he nourishes his body.


----------



## calif_hope (Feb 25, 2011)

A guy here but want to share words that I live by given to me by my grandfather and confirmed by my grandmother (married 62 years).

A boy treats his woman with disrespect, takes them for granted, makes them jealous of other woman and has an eye for something better.

A man treats his woman with respect and does not tolerate others not doing so, including family, your first thoughts in the morning and the last thoughs at night are ofyour woman, you make others jealous of your woman, and you have no eyes for others because you are convinced to a certainty that their is nothing out their better than your woman.

He gave these words when I started seriously dating, the bite us framed and up on the wall in my dressing area - I see his words every morning and every night.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Mephisto (Feb 20, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> A real man has STRENGTH ...
> 
> ... of purpose
> ... of mind
> ...


Absolutely love this one. Thanks Enchantment.

I may create a poster of this and put it on my son's wall, he can't read it yet, but I think that if a man has all of those things being reminded him every day, he will walk the right path in his life.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I keep putting this link on here, so many new threads about what a MAN is.... or Fathering lately.....so please excuse me for the repeating... 

Me & 2 of my sons watched this movie a couple weeks ago at the $1 theater. It was all about being better husbands & Fathers, the trials & lessons learned along the way. Even my 14 yr old thought it was awesome, I told them it was too sappy in some of the scenes, they think I am weird. It was Christian based- written by the makers of "FireProof".... ....*but seriously every word Enchantment spoke in her beautiful post was shown & exampled in this movie*. 

COURAGEOUS Movie Trailer - YouTube

These type of men -with THIS FINE OF CHARACTER is a rare find. My husband is close, but not all there. He would do the right thing in regards to his family, outside of that, I know him, he would let things slide (like turning in a co-worker), he wouldn't want involved. 

It really is worth a watch , inspiring , as it was meant to be.


----------



## Noel1987 (Jan 2, 2012)

In my experience all of the above


----------



## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Basically a Nice Guy is what I am reading.....then he needs to visit the NMMNG section and the vicious cycle continues.

I know I know, nice guy is not the same.....


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> I relate being a real "man" to being a gentlemen combined with being comfortable in his own skin. Having congruency, taking ownership, behaving maturely (and not to be confused with boring or not having a silly sense of humor!), and most of all, to me it's about having grace.
> 
> It's not about income, skills, or penis size.


I've noticed that "being comfortable in his own skin" or being "confident" is something often mentioned an attractive characteristic of men. What would be some behaviors that would show confidence, and what are some that would not. Could a guy's "confidence" make up for other things, like not making a lot of money?



greenpearl said:


> A real man knows what his responsibilities are and fulfills his responsibilities.
> 
> He doesn't use his fists when he gets frustrated. He doesn't grind his teeth and hurts his wife by insulting her verbally. He expresses his discomfort in a manly way.
> 
> He respects his wife, but he also lets her know where he stands, he isn't a "yes, madam!" man! He won't allow a woman to run all over him.


That sounds a lot like me, but apparently my x wife needed something else.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My husband always exudes this manliness that I didn't know with other men. It's hard to explain, but it just comes off of him ...it's very sexy and powerful.

Sometimes, on rare occasions, he'll show his weaknesses and emotional side which just melts my heart. He'll curl into me and let me hold him (rather than the other way around) and it's some of the most precious moments we've spent together.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

southbound said:


> I've noticed that "being comfortable in his own skin" or being "confident" is something often mentioned an attractive characteristic of men. What would be some behaviors that would show confidence, and what are some that would not. Could a guy's "confidence" make up for other things, like not making a lot of money?


Body language speaks volumes about you.

Do you slouch or stand up straight with your shoulders back?

Do you look someone in the eye when speaking. Do you smile easily. 

Are you vocal and fun, or reserved and soft-spoken?

Body language is huge.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Hair. Lots and lots of hair.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

southbound said:


> I've noticed that "being comfortable in his own skin" or being "confident" is something often mentioned an attractive characteristic of men. What would be some behaviors that would show confidence, and what are some that would not. Could a guy's "confidence" make up for other things, like not making a lot of money?


Deejo already covered a huge part of this - and that's body language. 

Being confident and comfortable in your own skin, means having nothing to prove, it means there's no place for arrogance (which stems from insecurity), it's being "open" and recognizing how you relate with others. It's not about being perfect, it's perhaps even realizing that you're not perfect and owning all your behavior. It's 'knowing' yourself, what you're about, being comfortable with your choices and behavior, answering to yourself, while not ignoring the needs of others. There's a certain calm that is felt around people like this. It's inviting and positive and grounding.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Deejo said:


> Body language speaks volumes about you.
> 
> Do you slouch or stand up straight with your shoulders back?
> 
> ...


To continue speaking of confidence, and to answer Southbound's question of money - if you're comfortable within yourself and confident, you will attract the type of women in line with what you're about. If materialism and having a certain amount of wealth isn't important to you, then you won't attract women who this is a focus for. Confidence can get them interested but if a woman is focused on material wealth, and you don't have that to offer, it's likely she'll move on and keep looking. But you'll be too comfortable in your own skin to care, you'll be able to see it for what it is without doubting yourself.

I was in a department store the other day. For some reason, the guy helping with my order made a few jokes, I laughed along, it was funny. Then he decided it was good timing to tell me most of his life story. In his 40's, divorced, this was one of his first working jobs as he'd been a SAHD and then proceeded to tell me how most women look down on this as they're after money etc..... so here's the thing, I'm all for human moments and interactions of learning from each other BUT, was HE comfortable in his own skin of being a SAHD? It didn't seem that way to me. I barely said a few words to him but I think he was flirting with me. 

If for the sake of this exercise, I'm in a parallel universe whereby I'm not married, would I have been interested? The answer would be no. And I'll tell you why. It wouldn't be about money or being a SAHD. It's my perceived lack of confidence with him. 

I didn't feel easy being around him. I'm no expert in body language but here's what I felt. Those jokes he told, that were indeed worth a laugh but he laughed TOO much, there was no need for that. This seemed insecure to me. Okay, there's a chance he thought his jokes were HILARIOUS and I just thought they were worth a quick giggle, but I perceived it as insecure, trying too hard. He was looking at me with side-glances that were held a little too long. Granted this could indicate interest in me, but I would perceive him as more confident if he'd looked at me directly. His posture was not held upright, he did not seem comfortable within himself. It's the "vibe" of it lol. If you truly ARE comfortable within your own skin, it will radiate outwardly and others will pick up on that. And that to me, is an attractive quality.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> To continue speaking of confidence, and to answer Southbound's question of money - if you're comfortable within yourself and confident, you will attract the type of women in line with what you're about. If materialism and having a certain amount of wealth isn't important to you, then you won't attract women who this is a focus for. Confidence can get them interested but if a woman is focused on material wealth, and you don't have that to offer, it's likely she'll move on and keep looking. But you'll be too comfortable in your own skin to care, you'll be able to see it for what it is without doubting yourself.
> 
> I was in a department store the other day. For some reason, the guy helping with my order made a few jokes, I laughed along, it was funny. Then he decided it was good timing to tell me most of his life story. In his 40's, divorced, this was one of his first working jobs as he'd been a SAHD and then proceeded to tell me how most women look down on this as they're after money etc..... so here's the thing, I'm all for human moments and interactions of learning from each other BUT, was HE comfortable in his own skin of being a SAHD? It didn't seem that way to me. I barely said a few words to him but I think he was flirting with me.
> 
> ...


Let's see, he laughed "too much" and he glanced "a little too long." In other words, it's like everything else having to do with relationships; it's way more complicated than it should be.

Apparently, my upbringing did me a disservice. I always got the impression that just being a good person, willing to provide for the family, and of course, an attraction that just kinda took care of itself was what it took. Boy was I in for a shock later in life.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

southbound said:


> Let's see, he laughed "too much" and he glanced "a little too long." In other words, it's like everything else having to do with relationships; it's way more complicated than it should be.
> 
> Apparently, my upbringing did me a disservice. I always got the impression that just being a good person, willing to provide for the family, and of course, an attraction that just kinda took care of itself was what it took. Boy was I in for a shock later in life.


I know it sounds harsh but I'm being honest. His demeanor and body language came across (to me, at least) as insecure. This has nothing to do with being a good person or not. This is about first impressions and body language. It's my perception of him. He didn't sound comfortable within himself talking about being a SAHD and how that appears to women now that he's single. And him not sounding comfortable, translated through out his body language in these small ways. 

This is how we interpret people when we meet them.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> I know it sounds harsh but I'm being honest. His demeanor and body language came across (to me, at least) as insecure. This has nothing to do with being a good person or not. This is about first impressions and body language.


First impressions are important, but it seems like it would be easy for anybody (Man or woman) to mistake bravado for real ability. 

I was once at a function where one of the most famous snipers of all time was the guest. He was not what you would expect from watching action moves. --Diminutive and soft spoken. 

Despite the fact that every one of the hundreds of men in the room were positively in awe of the guy, I suspect that a women meeting him in a different setting would not be impressed at all.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> I know it sounds harsh but I'm being honest. His demeanor and body language came across (to me, at least) as insecure. This has nothing to do with being a good person or not. This is about first impressions and body language. It's my perception of him. He didn't sound comfortable within himself talking about being a SAHD and how that appears to women now that he's single. And him not sounding comfortable, translated through out his body language in these small ways.
> 
> This is how we interpret people when we meet them.


Oh, I appreciate the honesty. I don't think your comments are anything unusual. I've been ion this board a little more than a year, and I have discovered that the mechanics of what people want in a relationship is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more complicated than I ever thought it was. 

To be honest, if i had known that two people getting together and having a great relationship was so complicated 20 years ago, I would have just stayed single. It's like; guys should help around the house, but not too much; they should be mature, but not to be confused with boring; they should be nice, but not too nice.............


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> First impressions are important, but it seems like it would be easy for anybody (Man or woman) to mistake bravado for real ability.


Being truly comfortable within yourself isn't about bravado. It's not about that or about insecurity. 

I don't think it's easy to have, that true sense of knowing yourself and being comfortable. I have insecurities and doubts and fears, the same as the next person. I'm confident some days and less confident other days. I'm also not completely comfortable within myself yet either. I think part of this is related to maturity (and not to be confused with age). 

I'm simply answering the question. Being comfortable within your own skin, knowing who you are, is attractive - in both men and women. There's an ease about being around people like this.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

southbound said:


> Oh, I appreciate the honesty. I don't think your comments are anything unusual. I've been ion this board a little more than a year, and I have discovered that the mechanics of what people want in a relationship is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more complicated than I ever thought it was.
> 
> To be honest, if i had known that two people getting together and having a great relationship was so complicated 20 years ago, I would have just stayed single. It's like; guys should help around the house, but not too much; they should be mature, but not to be confused with boring; they should be nice, but not too nice.............


I'm sorry that you sound defensive or annoyed by this. Sure, at the end of the day, we are who we are. But who is that? Scrape away the bullsh!t of pleasing people or trying to prove something to someone...I feel I could go further with this but I'll no doubt start confusing myself about not being attached to identity and such lol. So I'm going to leave this part alone.

I was initially talking about a "real" man. And I feel the same with women too. That being comfortable within your own skin, being confident, knowing yourself - these are qualities I admire and relate with maturity. When you're around someone that exudes this comfortable sense of self, others are comfortable being around them too.


----------



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> I'm sorry that you sound defensive or annoyed by this. Sure, at the end of the day, we are who we are. But who is that? Scrape away the bullsh!t of pleasing people or trying to prove something to someone...I feel I could go further with this but I'll no doubt start confusing myself about not being attached to identity and such lol. So I'm going to leave this part alone.
> 
> I was initially talking about a "real" man. And I feel the same with women too. That being comfortable within your own skin, being confident, knowing yourself - these are qualities I admire and relate with maturity. When you're around someone that exudes this comfortable sense of self, others are comfortable being around them too.


I probably am annoyed, but it's just at the reality that I recently discovered, certainly not at you. I have truly learned a lot since coming here. I just didn't see all these technicalities demonstrated in a relationship when I was growing up. I'm not just referring to things mentioned in this thread, it just seemed to add to the list.

It seems like in order to be affective in a relationship, one must have a 4 inch manual of rules, but the manual doesn't exist. I'm not looking for a new relationship now, but if I ever do, I'll just have to be myself, and if that's not good enough, then I guess it's just too bad.

I'm 44. If a woman is looking for a guy who will just be good to her, work to support our needs, and will not cheat on her and all the bad junk, then that's me. But I'm not a performer, mind-reader, or a game player. If that's what it takes, then i guess I'll remain single.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

southbound said:


> I probably am annoyed, but it's just at the reality that I recently discovered, certainly not at you. I have truly learned a lot since coming here. I just didn't see all these technicalities demonstrated in a relationship when I was growing up. I'm not just referring to things mentioned in this thread, it just seemed to add to the list.
> 
> It seems like in order to be affective in a relationship, one must have a 4 inch manual of rules, but the manual doesn't exist. I'm not looking for a new relationship now, but if I ever do, I'll just have to be myself, and if that's not good enough, then I guess it's just too bad.
> 
> I'm 44. If a woman is looking for a guy who will just be good to her, work to support our needs, and will not cheat on her and all the bad junk, then that's me. But I'm not a performer, mind-reader, or a game player. If that's what it takes, then i guess I'll remain single.


I know you're annoyed. I did not take that personally. I can only imagine how hurt and frustrated and disappointed you must feel. It seems you're still grieving the loss of your relationship and having to deal with change, questioning perhaps your own identity and that might feel wearing? 

I don't think relationships need to be a 4 inch manual. I do think they require 'work' though. And I do notice that you say "If a woman is looking for...." I'm hoping there will come a time for your own benefit, whereby it won't be about that, but rather what YOU are looking for in a woman. The focus will then not be what someone else is looking for, but rather what YOU are about and what kind of life it is YOU wish to have. 

This was also what I was trying to demonstrate with my example of the SAHD. Despite body language, if he spoke from a place of KNOWING what a wonderful job he'd done raising his daughters, that he was confident and at peace with his own life choices, that to me is someone more secure within themselves than looking outwardly to see how women will respond to him.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> Heartsbeating,
> 
> Thanks for sharing all that. Another learning experience for me.


Really, you got something from this ramble? lol


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> This was also what I was trying to demonstrate with my example of the SAHD. Despite body language, if he spoke from a place of KNOWING what a wonderful job he'd done raising his daughters, that he was confident and at peace with his own life choices, that to me is someone more secure within themselves than looking outwardly to see how women will respond to him.


I am not disagreeing with you Heartsbeating, I think MOST women would feel exactly as you. 

Me Personally.... I am not all that turned off by the humble souls who may not have their whole personality all together, might have some lingering insecurities, even if they wear them on thier sleeves a bit.... I think if they were good looking enough - I would still be interested , ha ha....Heartsbeating, lets be honest here, how was he in the looks department ? So sure, it was awkward, his glances were too long, then on top of that, he was down on himself & probably went on too much about it ...


I wouldn't care how confident someone seemed if I was not physically attracted to them, wouldn't do anything for me.... I wouldn't even put confidence at #2 .... do they seem to be genuine, for real, a good person....maybe just having a weak moment .... then #3 do they have a sound mind, someone you can carry on a meaningful conversation with, some intelligence there ... #4 if they had a sense of humor- not too uptight , can laugh at themselves a little -even for being "not so confident". 

I guess I feel we can all be lacking in some area, maybe someone has had a really bad year, maybe he wasn't always that "down" on himself, probably going a little too far in being so open about it to a total stranger.....sometimes that is the bigger fault, maybe he was even kicking himself later thinking "why did I say all of that!!" and wanting to slap himself , who knows. :slap: 

I feel sometimes when we meet the right people, even if we are both a little screwed up in some area, we can help each other....if there is some initial attraction , that is. 

You can generally tell if someone has a "*Woe is me*" personality after a short time...now that would an automatic TURN OFF , a real character flaw .....but a few insecurities.... It wouldn't push me away, it would take more than that. But maybe what you felt was a "woe is me" mentality. 

I am someone who is always for the "underdog", I've just always been this way. The majority of us have insecurities in something.

Southbound.... I agree with Heartsbeating, you need to not worry so much about what these women want... just BE who you are & based on what you see in them, take a risk..... _life is a risk_. But if you never put yourself out there, you simply will never know. Just getting a conversation going , that is the 1st step . My husband was never Mr beaming confidence.... he took a risk with me, I took a chance with him. 

That dude put some feelers out for Heartsbeating -he failed miserably (heck she was married anyway!)..... it's ok, maybe he won't with the next lady....he still would have more of a chance than the guy who never started a conversation at all.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> Being truly comfortable within yourself isn't about bravado. It's not about that or about insecurity.


I guess I'm too much of a literal minded male to grasp the idea. It seems elusive and mercurial.

My comment was more about body language and our perceptions of it. There's a personality type most strongly associated with the 'hero' phenomenon and surprisingly, it is not the confident 'alpha.'


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Gary Cooper in "High Noon". That's my benchmark.

Having a personal code of conduct, and following it regardless of the circumstances, can at times be VERY uncomfortable, and people may not like it all. But it's who you are ... decided by you.

I have stated when this topic is discussed elsewhere that I watched my fair share of old 'man's man' movies, and simply watched the way the hero, or leading man conducted themselves.

Two of my favorites; Charles Bronson, and Yul Brynner. Both very distinct. And both distinctly different than say a John Wayne.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Gary Cooper in "High Noon". That's my benchmark.
> 
> Having a personal code of conduct, and following it regardless of the circumstances, can at times be VERY uncomfortable, and people may not like it all. But it's who you are ... decided by you.
> 
> ...


they are movies its not real life..


Not to say that you couldn't get an idea but ....


there have been a number of male figures in my life who I observed how they handled their selves and I try to take my cues from them.


John wayne, played war heros and never went to any wars. he chickened out while all the real men movie stars joined up and actually seen some action.

Jimmy steward,clark gable, just to name a couple.


----------



## alphapuppy (Jan 17, 2012)

Respect for self and others.


----------



## Unloved11 (Jan 17, 2012)

A REAL man is anything like my husband


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Southbound.... I agree with Heartsbeating, you need to not worry so much about what these women want... just BE who you are & based on what you see in them, take a risk..... _life is a risk_. But if you never put yourself out there, you simply will never know. Just getting a conversation going , that is the 1st step . My husband was never Mr beaming confidence.... he took a risk with me, I took a chance with him.
> 
> That dude put some feelers out for Heartsbeating -he failed miserably (heck she was married anyway!)..... it's ok, maybe he won't with the next lady....he still would have more of a chance than the guy who never started a conversation at all.


I personally like someone that is humble, they don't need to be boasting (or arrogant, which is insecurity) but when there's a quiet KNOWING about someone, that is something I truly admire. 

And to completely contradict myself, I also like when someone is secure enough in themselves to admit their own doubts and insecurities - but this is different to "woe is me" or seeking approval from others. I'm not saying I'm perfect or expect someone else to be, I was simply trying to express what confident looks like to me. 

As for whether he was attractive, well he wouldn't be my type as such BUT if I allow myself to briefly be back in that alternative universe for a moment and think about it, honestly if he'd come across as more self-assured (and back to my original thought, hold on to your wigs folks, this is becoming like a merry-go-round), then sure, interest could have been there. For me it's a package deal. The demeanor of the person speaks most to me. Bottom line, with meeting him for that short period of time, remembering I'm married and this was a 20minute interaction while trying to place an order, I didn't feel comfortable in his presence because he wasn't comfortable within himself. A previous version of myself likely would have said "there there, it's okay, I approve of you being a SAHD" to make him feel better, but not so much anymore. While I'm not a heartless batch and we're all on a journey, I also think we're grown-folk and sometimes you need to face the choices you make and stand by them, learn from them, and accept yourself.

Of course, there's a strong possibility that I need more caffeine and am talking utter bullsh!t ...entirely likely.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

heartsbeating said:


> Of course, there's a strong possibility that I need more caffeine and am talking utter bullsh!t ...entirely likely.


:iagree:


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> The demeanor of the person speaks most to me.


 I guess with all this interacting back & forth with scenerios and questions, we are learning about ourselves. I never really thought about some of this before... but it is very true for me, It is "looks" above demeaner, always has been. I asked my husband this morning before we got up thinking about this thread ...if he thought I was for the underdog...his answer ..."if you wasn't you wouldn't be with me". Ha ha (very unconfident answer mind you!) He said women never gave him the time of day. His demeaner was surely lacking, not because of what came out of his mouth, he just didn't talk much ! I was good for pulling things out of him, and he NEEDED a woman like that. 

I do DIG the fact he never really cared to impress anyone, he never tried to act something he wasn't, he was very honestly who he was - he knew he couldn't compare to the Jocks or the Life of the Party types, he wasn't no Brain either, but he knew he had a good heart... if that was not enough for the ladies he tried to talk too, oh well, he would just move on, he never had a "woe is me" attitude ever, always happy, always smiling, would do anything to help anyone. 

I was the one with the BAD attitude back then, I had alot of spunk, a bit mouthy, alot of dreams, principles even, but mixed with my own nagging insecurities from my messed up home life... he took me under his wing and made me feel like I was beautiful somehow, I felt highly priced.....I feel we both built each other up , it was a beautiful thing really. 

I suppose a confident guy wouldn't have given ME the time of day. 

That is just how the cookie crumbles I guess.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I do DIG the fact he never really cared to impress anyone, he never tried to act something he wasn't, he was very honestly who he was - he knew he couldn't compare to the Jocks or the Life of the Party types, he wasn't no Brain either, but he knew he had a good heart... if that was not enough for the ladies he tried to talk too, oh well, he would just move on, he never had a "woe is me" attitude ever, always happy, always smiling, would do anything to help anyone.


haha ...but to me, this IS confidence!!!

He knows what he's about and is comfortable with that.


----------



## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

One thing that fascinates me is how visual perceptions of what makes a man a REAL man have changed over the years.

At the turn of the 19th century, a strong, muscularly developed man like a blacksmith, for example was regarded as somewhat oafish. The "ideal" was something much more refined and manicured.

Today that ideal is regarded as effeminate by pretty much everyone. There's lots of examples of this, but one of the most striking is how comic book heroes were drawn.

For example, here is the original Prince Valiant from the 1930's












And this is what he gradually morphed into:












The differences in the chin, brow ridges and eye spacing are so striking that you might get the impression that I've 'cherry picked' these examples. But I haven't.

As always, I'm curious what the ladies' take on this is


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I think there's always going to be some kind of 'trends' and if you're starting to talk comic books, then I'll be in for the long haul!

Initially at first glance I prefer the first Prince Valiant drawing but on second look I could go either way lol. Comic book heroes, I will admit I'm a bit of a Wolverine girl. Not the yellow and blue Xmen-uniform Wolverine, but the motorcycle driving cigar in mouth, denim wearing Wolvie. This appeal is reserved for my preference in comic book characters. Who would win between Spiderman and Wolverine? Wolverine, hands down. But that's not to say I wouldn't give Spidey the time of day. This doesn't relate to what I consider a "real man" though. This is reserved completely for the comic book realm. I thought of including the changes that Catwoman's comic book character has received in her costume through-out the years but felt I was completely derailing. If you mention comic books, it's very hard for me to stay on track.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Chuck Yeager, b^tches!


----------



## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

that_girl said:


> He does what he wants, but not in a "I do what I want" type of attitude.
> ...


Bam! You nailed it.


----------

