# How should a married person respond to accusations of infidelity?



## Janis (Nov 21, 2014)

I've been finding this forum to be very informative and helpful to my situations. I'm encouraged with having the support and information to successfully move forward in my relationship. With that being said, I may post about things from my past in order to see how to handle them better in the future. This is one of those cases.

When I was younger, I "danced" around with someone else's boyfriend. I definitely crossed the lines for what was appropriate behavior. 

My issue is that every couple of years, the guy's girlfriend will contact me about it. It's like I have to keep telling her that I don't want her boyfriend. The biggest problem is that I'm in a relationship and it's like I'm getting into arguments over another man. :iagree:

what is the best way to handle this or to say to my fiance so that he doesn't think I'm cheating?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Be totally honest and open with your new guy, in every way, forever, including about your past. And if he ever decides to leave you, for whatever reason, let him go.

The next time that gal calls, you tell her that you don't want to hear from her again and hang up. Whatever happened is in the past, never to be repeated.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Why would your fiance think you're cheating just because you get a phone call from a girl?:scratchhead:

As for the girl, block her number. It isn't you job to convince her that her boyfriend won't cheat again.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I'd block her everywhere you possibly could. She has no business bothering you over it anymore. What's done is done. Tell your BF about the incident imo, but don't make a big deal out of it. Pretty much like you've told us about it here.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Honesty is the best policy. Getting your number changed or the OM number blocked is a good idea.


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## Janis (Nov 21, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Why would your fiance think you're cheating just because you get a phone call from a girl?:scratchhead:
> 
> As for the girl, block her number. It isn't you job to convince her that her boyfriend won't cheat again.


If a man called my fiance and were in argument because they thought my boyfriend was messing around with their woman, I would be curious of the situation.

With that being said, I would expect my fiance to be curious if I'm getting calls about some other man.


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## wise (Sep 1, 2013)

I honestly do not understand why your fiance would think you are cheating? Rather, he should be standing up for you and your relationship with him. 

I understand that he might see it as a bit odd, but he needs to be stronger than that. Everyone has a past and yours is completely innocent with the particular guy. Nothing even remotely happened between the both of you. 

When I was first dating my girl, a girl who was part of my f*ck club when I was single had a sh(tfit when she found out I was in a relationship. She tried just about everything to get my attention for almost a year until she finally gave up. My girl, in the beginning, questioned it--then she wanted to fight the girl--then she finally got over it. The girl never showed up at my place for some reason and I think if I had changed my phone number, she would have. 

To answer your question: it is completely subjective. There is really no right or wrong answer. Responding to accusations of cheating is more of a surrounding circumstances situation.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

Just add her to your Christmas card list:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New (No, I have not been chasing your man again this) Year!

I agree, just keep your current BF in the mix. If BF starts to get weary from this, I would ask him if he wouldn't mind bearing with making a final meeting with you, him, ex, and crazy girl...to put it to an end. Anybody think that may be a bad idea?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Janis said:


> I've been finding this forum to be very informative and helpful to my situations. I'm encouraged with having the support and information to successfully move forward in my relationship. With that being said, I may post about things from my past in order to see how to handle them better in the future. This is one of those cases.
> 
> When I was younger, I "danced" around with someone else's boyfriend. I definitely crossed the lines for what was appropriate behavior.
> 
> ...


I sympathise with you as the boundaries that I have for dealing with men of any type of relationship are much more reinforced than they were in the past.

However, if I were in your fiancé's position, I would want to hear your side of the story. It's also good that you can show that you have grown from it, realizing that what you once thought was acceptable behavior is now not acceptable. 

Let your fiancé know who this person is. If they call once a year, hold their hand and sympathise with them. If they call more often than that, get a restraining order.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Ignore messages/stay off sites that enable random people/strangers to reach out/contact you easily :cough: facebook :cough:

The only people that count in your life are the ones that ARE in your life.......


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## Methuselah (Nov 24, 2014)

No contact order.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

If you've already told the woman that you aren't messing around with her guy - and you're no longer doing anything inappropriate - why in the world would she still be contacting you EVERY FEW YEARS? Are you still talking to the dude or what? The only way I could see this as an issue is if you are still alone with the guy a lot now.

Tell her you no longer wish to discuss the matter because it is causing issues in your relationship. Tell your fiance that you've spoken with her for the last time about it. Then, BLOCK her from calling you, facebooking you, whatever....IGNORE her. 

It's really not that hard. 

As far as your guy, all you can do is tell him that you're innocent. Tell him what happened a long time ago, and that's it. End of story. If he is going to accuse you of cheating (if you are not), then it's up to him to fix that insecurity. But you can most certainly help that along by keeping yourself out of situations that could look like you're not so innocent.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Must have been some dance! If some psycho gives you a phone call every couple years and that's as bad as it gets, life is pretty sweet. Next time she calls, I'd laugh it off and ask her if she wants dancing tips. I will assume your current man suffers from no illusions that you were a nun before y'all met. If he catches wind of this piece of ancient history, tell him the truth, tell him you saved your very best dance moves for him and let it go.


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