# Pissed and overwhelmed.....



## jamjon (Aug 6, 2012)

My lovely wife of 20+ yrs who can't fullfil my ordinary and rational needs due to sexual dysfunction (lots of backstory I'm leaving out, I posted about this a year ago- http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/57819-update-married-selfish-lover.html ), essentially gave me permission to purchase what has to be the most expensive 'love doll' on the planet if it would make me 'happy'. Well, I'm not, and I'm less happy if she thinks banging silicone would be a functional substitute for me.

I'm ranting here. I do get that she's making desperate attempts and grasping at straws trying to come up with whatever she can dealing with what she's up against as it effects both of us. But I'm still pissed!


----------



## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

What do you want? 

Why are you continuing the marriage?


----------



## jamjon (Aug 6, 2012)

I'm pissed right now and ranting, but deep down I know the reality is that she is up against a problem that is bigger than her right now. If anything, as much as it seems like a careless thing to say, it must have hurt her just as much to say it.

It's frustrating as hell and has been a real battle dealing with resentment, but I won't give up. My wife and I are still best friends despite everything we've been through, we are compatible in every other way, we communicate well, and probably the most important thing is that she has proven over and over that she wants to fix this.


----------



## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

jamjon said:


> My wife and I are still best friends despite everything we've been through, we are compatible in every other way, we communicate well, and probably the most important thing is that she has proven over and over that she wants to fix this.


This is a common point made. Our marriage is great, except for the sex. Well, any marriage with bad sex (barring external forces beyond your control, like illness) is a bad marriage.

If I recommended a restaurant to you, but the only drawback was that you'll get food poisoning, would you go? Would you consider a restaurant that gives people food poisoning to be a good restaurant? I wouldn't.

Also, how has your wife proven that she wants to fix this? It seems like the only thing she has proven is that she is not going to meet your needs. She doesn't even understand your needs. You're talking about intimacy and she wants to buy you a better masturbation tool. Talk about apples and oranges.

I suggest you run the MAP asap.

Good luck.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

PHTlump said:


> This is a common point made. Our marriage is great, except for the sex. Well, any marriage with bad sex (barring external forces beyond your control, like illness) is a bad marriage.


So true!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

What is she up against? You never explained that.


----------



## jamjon (Aug 6, 2012)

She has seen doctors, currently sees a cognitive behavioral therapist, and we both have seen counselors. She's had a lot of tests (physical, urine, blood, saliva, ?). It's not physical, no hormone imbalances, thyroid, pineal, pituitary, adrenal glands normal, bloodwork normal. This ride hasn't been fun for her.

We've been left with two possibilities, 1) is there are still some mysteries to (pre)menopause which might be contributing, and 2) is mental. The treatment path she is on right now addresses that- cognitive therapy. There is no pharmaceutical treatment.

There is an elephant in the room that weighs on her (and me too) in regards to this possibly being a mental condition. It's very likely narcissistic traits which are playing out as a sexual dysfunction and why she's seeing a therapist. Another remote but weighing possibility is early onset dementia. Alzheimer's dementia runs in her family and her mother is battling it currently. The way if effects the brain and behavior means it's never the same twice, it effects everyone differently, especially early on.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

So she used to be giving in bed but now she just wants you to go down and then she's done? 
And her solution is you getting a blow up doll?


----------



## jamjon (Aug 6, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> So she used to be giving in bed but now she just wants you to go down and then she's done?
> And her solution is you getting a blow up doll?


That's the way it used to be, not now. I don't 'go down' anymore and won't while she's getting therapy. Sex is more rare now, but consistent. But I guarantee it will be more rare now, this doll thing is going to take me a while to get over. This website she showed me (reality-dolls or something, I won't look it up) had made to order dolls for prices that would pay our kids college tuition! So creepy....


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

How often do you have sex?


----------



## jamjon (Aug 6, 2012)

Twice a month, a good month maybe 3x. I realize I have it better than some here.


----------



## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

jamjon said:


> My lovely wife of 20+ yrs who can't fullfil my ordinary and rational needs due to sexual dysfunction (lots of backstory I'm leaving out, I posted about this a year ago- http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/57819-update-married-selfish-lover.html ), essentially gave me permission to purchase what has to be the most expensive 'love doll' on the planet if it would make me 'happy'. Well, I'm not, and I'm less happy if she thinks banging silicone would be a functional substitute for me.
> 
> I'm ranting here. I do get that she's making desperate attempts and grasping at straws trying to come up with whatever she can dealing with what she's up against as it effects both of us. But I'm still pissed!


I would be completely insulted.


----------



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Well if a man is LD and offers to buy his wife the most expensive sex toy out there, she may or may not be happy. 
I don't think she was trying to insult you. 
I think she just thought she would make the gesture. Sure it's creepy but what if she wanted to get you a fleshlight? 
Would that be ok? 
Alright it's damn weird but sometimes people miss the mark. By a lot. I don't think she was trying to be mean or rude. 

Has she had her hormones checked?


----------

