# I don't know what to do any more



## takenfromhome (May 5, 2013)

My husband and I have been married for almost three years now. We weren't together very long before we got married and less than six months after we were married I deployed (we were both active duty Army). While I was deployed he made a LOT of stupid decisions including drugs, alcohol and even cyber sex with another woman while I was away. He eventually went AWOL (absent without leave) and eventually those issues cost me my career. I stuck by him. Things just kept going from bad to worse. Eventually they even got physical. We separated for a brief period but then once I had landed two jobs and managed to get a house and a car after having lost EVERYTHING from getting discharged from the Army so abruptly he showed up on my doorstep (I was in 
Texas and he had been in North Carolina) having left his job to save our marriage because I was talking about divorcing him. I couldn't just leave him on the streets so I agreed to work on things. Then I lost the better of my two jobs and things started getting out of hand again. He was back on drugs and I had no where to turn. I was/am so alienated from my family because I chose to stick with him that I have no where to go. Now he has a job making decent money and I have an ok job making not so decent money (he makes enough to live on but I don't meaning I'm trapped) and I'm in North Carolina when everyone else I know is in Texas. The problem as I see it is that he never makes any time for me. He will spend time doing anything our elderly friend asks but other than that it is go to work and come home and sleep or play on the computer or sit on the porch and smoke cigarettes. I don't think we've had a real conversation other than my asking "what to you want me to make you to take for lunch?" in weeks. Every time I try to talk to him or anything he just gets all grumpy and refuses to talk to me or look at me. I've asked and asked what I'm doing wrong but he can't seem to answer me. I don't have any friends at all any more. I seem to have lost everyone either when I joined the Army or when I married him. I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so alone.


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## Thumper (Mar 23, 2013)

Your family doesn't like him, they live far away? Sounds like you have options to me, you just need to decide to do it. Sounds like you've given up a lot already to be his enabler. Your spiraling out of control, you both are. What do u want out of the marriage anyways, im sure this wasn't it? Why has it become acceptable now then? Make the move back to your family, let him get thru what he needs to deal with, if he can do that, then you can address the marriage at that time, but you better start taking care of yourself first. Its time he became accountable for his own actions.


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## mattsmom (Apr 2, 2013)

Taken,

Thumper is good. Thumper is wise. I would add this: Pick up a copy of "Codependent No More" by Melanie Beattie. It's not expensive. It's not a difficult, technical read. It's well worth the trouble and the time. You have to save yourself before you can try to save anyone else.

Blessings,
Mattsmom


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