# bad mouthing



## Back & Forth (Feb 27, 2012)

ok she can't stop bad mouthing my mother for basically no reason except maybe my wife is possessive and controlling. and maybe jealous? for some weird reason.. 


every time and i mean every time i talk about my mother she typically gets upset.. alot of the times she will be so upset she'll start bad mouthing my mother with words like, looser, *****, and some other very hurtful words. this has now been going on for years.. i told her to stop this, but she hasn't... 

the two never talk to each other, unless we visit her.. 
it's not like my mother is close by to us and we see her everyday.. and on top of that my mother isn't the type of person at all to start an argument or get someone upset, my mother has a tone of friends and is very easy going, while my wife is very difficult to deal with. 


What should I do or say? 

how can i make her stop? 

what if she never stops? 

please help...i'm at the end of the rope here

Thank you!


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## Back & Forth (Feb 27, 2012)

d3v0t3d said:


> I was in a similar situation as the one you are listing except I was in your wives shoes. My husband always defended his Mother, to him she was perfect, nothing was wrong with her. If something was wrong it was because of me, always. I got blamed. Let your wife know that you love her and talk to her. Ask her why she is bad mouthing your mother, tell her how it makes you feel. Would she like it if you were badmouthing her mother? She probably wouldn't. Listen to your wife, don't argue. Just ask her the reasons why she dislikes your mother and what your mother has done to her that makes her so upset. Trust me, mothers aren't perfect, they are women!! You know how women can be, you see how your wife is. Your mother is a woman too, always remember that.


I know my mother is far from perfect. I've already asked her why my mother makes her feel this way. She says my mother is trying to control me.. whether that is the case or not... i told her i am not controlled by her and will never be.. even if she try's i just ignore it... But to be honest, she isn't trying to control me,, she just wants me to be happy, my mother is a giving person, and just worries about her kids well being... Yes woman are woman...even if my mother did say something mean to my wife, it could of only been maybe once... and that would of been 7 years ago or so...wouldn't you think a normal person would get over it by now.. i've tried talking to my wife, but she keeps bad mouthing my mother for no reason. My wife blames other people for everything, she always portrays the victim. You need to look at my situation objectively, unfortunately you've been in this situation before so you seem to be looking at it in your own eyes; I'm not your husband, I'm laid back, don't like arguments, but am far from perfect. What should I do if I've done everything you said and I know my mother isn't perfect and just a woman. Please help. thanks


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## Back & Forth (Feb 27, 2012)

d3v0t3d said:


> You sure sound like my husband, he is very laid back as well, does not like to fight and tries to avoid arguments. I'm not trying to say it's your mother fault or your wives. I'm sorry I'm comparing myself to this situation but a lot of your details seem Mso match what we have been through so I have a feeling of how you both feel. My MIL is not a bad person but there are times where she goes behind my back and through my husband when she doesn't like something. It's little things like that that make a woman upset. Your mother is no longer the most important woman in your life, your wife needs to understand that she is your mother and that this hurts your feelings. And your mother needs to understand that she is your wife and that she will always come first. This is VERY important. Your wife probably is jealous because she feel like your not standing up for her or that your taking your mothers side over her. Maybe it's time to have a sit down with your mother and let her know that you appreciate her concern for you but that your wife will come first. Same thing with your wife, let her know that you love her and that she is #1 in your life AND (I don't know if this will help at all but I know it helped me) Try to agree not to bring her up again. If she only causes arguments between you guys right now, don't bring up your mother, don't talk about her.
> Some women are more jealous than others and I know this is an issue for men. She needs to work on this because I can see how this can push a man away.
> Also try to go to marriage counseling because they can help you. It's worth a shot. Do you love your wife? Does she love you? If yes, then it's worth to keep trying. She needs to understand how you feel and how much this hurts you and both of you need to be able to come to an agreement and a marriage counselor can really help with that. Don't give up!


Thanks for the posting... but my mother doesn't go behind my wife's back at all. My mother will text me once a day to say hello and my wife doesn't even like that. My mother doesn't interfere with our life, never says anything bad about my wife...
My mother will ask to visit us and that's about it.. that's because she wants to see us.. my mother knows my wife comes first.. i barely talk or see my mother.. actions speak alot louder than words.. we don't have kids yet, but if we do i don't want my kids hearing my wife bad mouth my mother in front of us. i've tried to tell her to stop it is not working...she won't go to counseling.. i've posted on this site before about other things and most people will side with me..i feel like i am in a very difficult situation right now.. i need my sanity and I am running out of options.. we have other issues too besides my mother, although no matter what happens she'll blame my mother on everything.. when she gets upset she likes to through and kick things.. the last time this happened i told her the next time she does this i am gone and will not pick up her phone calls. I also feel reluctant to invite my mother to visit us; which i don't like at all, i should feel fine to invite my mother to visit us..don't you think? She is definitely pushing me away.. I would never say anything about anyone's family especially the person i live with.. it is very disrespectful to that person. don't you think?


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