# My husband took a polygraph yesterday, he failed it.



## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

We were trying to reconcile and he wanted to prove he was innocent about an actual PA with the women he worked with, so he took a polygraph. He failed it completely, only 3 questions were asked, here they are...

1.) Have you been faithful to your wife (my name) since the day you married her? FAIL

2.) Did you have any physical sexual contact with (OW name)? FAIL

3.) Are you still in contact with (OW name)? FAIL

I've FINALLY accepted that my marriage is over and I'm divorcing him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SomethingsUp said:


> We were trying to reconcile and he wanted to prove he was innocent about an actual PA with the women he worked with, so he took a polygraph. He failed it completely, only 3 questions were asked, here they are...
> 
> 1.) Have you been faithful to your wife (my name) since the day you married her? FAIL
> 
> ...


What does he say about the results?


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

SomethingsUp

I am sorry this has happened, you must be devastated at this time. Take a few deep breaths and gather your thoughts then develop a plan of action that suits you best. Stay strong and best of luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> What does he say about the results?


That it was wrong of course, he was so convinced he passed it that he said after the test that we should get the honeymoon suite on our way driving home. Then we got the results and he said they were wrong when it didn't go his way.

We had to drive to Edmonton to get the test done, it's a 6 hour drive one way, coming home after turned out to be the longest nightmare of a drive I've ever had in my entire life. He's despicable! And the biggest LIAR I've ever met.

Here's where we had it done.

ITR Polygraph


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## IIJokerII (Apr 7, 2014)

SomethingsUp said:


> I've FINALLY accepted that my marriage is over and I'm divorcing him.


 The accepting part is the hardest. But walking out of the limbo cloud with a sense of purpose will make things much more easier to accept, but not necessarily do. Treat this like a mission of survival and purpose and show the fvcker what aggressive indifference feels like. The feeling of being left behind without remorse is a harsh one, now make him feel the same way.


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## batsociety (Jan 23, 2015)

What? People can just go get polygraphs? Did you go on the Steve Wilkos show or something? How much does it cost? Where do you even do that? This is blowing my mind a little.

But of course, that's horrible. I'm sorry your husband turned out to be such an ass. Hopefully things will only get better for you from here.


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

drifting on said:


> SomethingsUp
> 
> I am sorry this has happened, you must be devastated at this time. Take a few deep breaths and gather your thoughts then develop a plan of action that suits you best. Stay strong and best of luck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not devastated, just relieved to get off the fence in what to do to go forward in my life. This confirmed what I already knew.


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

IIJokerII said:


> The accepting part is the hardest. But walking out of the limbo cloud with a sense of purpose will make things much more easier to accept, but not necessarily do. Treat this like a mission of survival and purpose and show the fvcker what aggressive indifference feels like. The feeling of being left behind without remorse is a harsh one, now make him feel the same way.


Exactly what I'm doing with NO hesitation now!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The problem is that Polygraph tests have a pretty high false results rate. This is why I really do not suggest anyone use them. They are not allowed in court because of this.


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## AriYarjan (Mar 21, 2015)

Sorry to hear this. There are cases where polygraphs are unreliable, but your tester should be able to explain when that is the case. I am assuming that your tester was pretty certain of the accuracy of the results.

In that case your husband is either delusional or a very adept liar who cannot believe he did not "beat the test".


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> The problem is that Polygraph tests have a pretty high false results rate. This is why I really do not suggest anyone use them. They are not allowed in court because of this.


They are not used in court because they are not infallible not because of a high failure rate.

The FBI, CIA, the military etc, all use polygraphs.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I've followed your story from the beginning. If it took a poly for you to finally be done with him then it's money well spent.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You do what is best for you---that should have been your line of thinking from the very beginning-----Polygraph's may not be used as evidence in a courtroom,---but they do show REACTIONS---especially to those who are not trained in beating them


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Chaparral said:


> They are not used in court because they are not infallible not because of a high failure rate.
> 
> The FBI, CIA, the military etc, all use polygraphs.


A polygraph is a measuring instrument and a good one functions quite reliably. Whether the examiner knows how to prepare proper questions and analyze the data is a matter of training and experience. That is where your failure rate comes from. An experienced polygrapher trained by the Department of Defense knows what he/she is doing and you an take their results to the bank. They also tend to be the best interrogators you'll ever meet. I'm not thrilled with the wording of the questions your polygrapher prepared. "have you ever been unfaithful" is a pretty ambiguous question. "Do you still have contact with....? is also too ambiguous. In an ideal world, the polygraph would have been followed immediately by an interview/interrogation and you would know why he failed and what, specifically, he had actually done.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> They are not used in court because they are not infallible not because of a high failure rate.
> 
> The FBI, CIA, the military etc, all use polygraphs.


I wonder which is higher, though... the rate of false passes or of false failures?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I think we can all agree on one thing: 

Polygraphs may not be 100% accurate, but SomethingsUp's husband chose to go voluntarily and for SomethingUp it was the last piece of the puzzle that she needed to make her decision. 

Unfortunately the evidence was just TOO overwhelming for her to continue to deny reality: her husband has not giving her 100% of his affection and loyalty.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Affaircare said:


> I think we can all agree on one thing:
> 
> Polygraphs may not be 100% accurate, but SomethingsUp's husband chose to go voluntarily and for SomethingUp it was the last piece of the puzzle that she needed to make her decision.
> 
> Unfortunately the evidence was just TOO overwhelming for her to continue to deny reality: her husband has not giving her 100% of his affection and loyalty.


I agree that after this test their is no way she could possibly believe him. 

What is not clear is why he was so sure that he would pass it and thought that he had. Is he delusional? Does he believe his own lies? Or was he really telling the truth?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> I agree that after this test their is no way she could possibly believe him.
> 
> What is not clear is why he was so sure that he would pass it and thought that he had. Is he delusional? Does he believe his own lies? Or was he really telling the truth?


That I think is part of the dilemma I think with Poly's. People can tell a lie so much they believe it as truth or have they been accused so much they question there own truthfullness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

honcho said:


> That I think is part of the dilemma I think with Poly's. People can tell a lie so much they believe it as truth or have they been accused so much they question there own truthfullness.


:iagree:


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

From what you've described, your WH has not been believable for a very long time. Your heart has wanted to believe his protests, but you knew deep down that you really couldn't. There are many stories here where there appears some real doubt about the betrayal, but your story isn't one of those, in my opinion.

And didn't you have proof that he slept with a prostitute?

What did he do on the trip home? Try relentlessly to convince you?

Some people have a delusional level of confidence. He probably googled how to beat the thing and was sure he could manage it.

No matter what, I sincerely hope for your sake that you can move on. It will hurt, but he doesn't deserve you. You deserve honesty and peace. I think you may be surprised how quickly you find those things with him out of the picture.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I took a poly and told the truth...my results..."inconclusive"

At the very best OP's old man could of gotten an inconclusive result, but he completely failed.

My poly had nothing to do infidelity...I was a criminal...I had nothing to do with the criminal activity that I took the test for, but all the same I was a criminal.

In my opinion OP's old man is a cheater...one way or another he was cheating! At the end of the day he failed with flying colors.

I believe if I wasn't a criminal I would have passed with flying colors.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I bet he thought he could beat the test. Probably studied up online or watched too much CSI:Alberta on TV.

I'd MAYBE give him the benefit of the doubt if he passed two of the questions and failed a third. But failing three questions?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but I wish you the best in moving forward.


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

The company that did the examine are emailing me the results tomorrow (Monday), I'll post them for you guys to see. I believe he is delusional. Before the questions were picked and agreed on, he wanted the question about OW to say only this.

"Did you have sexual intercourse with (OW name)?"

He got pissed off when the polygrapher said No, the question will be, "Did you have any sexual contact with (OW name)?


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

SomethingsUp said:


> Before the questions were picked and agreed on, he wanted the question about OW to say only this.
> 
> "Did you have sexual intercourse with (OW name)?"
> 
> He got pissed off when the polygrapher said No, the question will be, "Did you have any sexual contact with (OW name)?


I think that tells you all you need to know right there. Like Bill Clinton, he convinced himself he did not have sex with that woman. Sorry you are going through this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I bet he thought he could beat the test. Probably studied up online or watched too much CSI:Alberta on TV.
> 
> I'd MAYBE give him the benefit of the doubt if he passed two of the questions and failed a third. But failing three questions?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


A nervous person will be nervous for all the questions.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Polygraph results are not reliable. It does not matter which government organizations claim to still use them, they are unreliable.

Just think how easy crime detection would be if all the suspects could be given a lie detector test and that would be that. It isn't done because it doesn't work.

One should not take my word for it. Go to the search engine of your choice and enter "polygraph reliability" and read a bit.

We already have one case going on CWI where a guy pushed his thought to be wandering wife into taking a polygraph test. He was warned about their reliability. She passed the test with flying colors. He still doesn't believe her. He thinks it was a false positive.

In this case it is possible that we are dealing with a false negative. But it does not matter. There is no way to be certain. If the evidence shows that the WH is a cheater, then that's the likely truth.

My advice, unasked for and worth what you pay for it, is that TAM should STOP advocating polygraph tests.


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

He did google this, just found the link on the keylogger I have on his computer.

How to beat a polygraph.

https://www.webwatcherdata.com/(S(b....aspx?sessionid=1427064197&computerid=2049626


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Polygraphs are a tool. Nothing more, nothing less. No they aren't the be all end all.

In the OP's case, the polygraph experience helped her to get to the bottom of her husband's infidelity. She now knows he had physical relations with another woman, if not outright sex with her. The husband's reaction to the administrator slightly changing the wording of the question told her everything she needed to know before he was ever hooked up to the machine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I've never replied to any of your threads, but I have read them. The guy is a straight up idiot. I am so sorry.


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

pidge70 said:


> I've never replied to any of your threads, but I have read them. The guy is a straight up idiot. I am so sorry.


I went apartment shopping today, calling my lawyer in the morning to get him served because everything was done weeks back. He is history in my life!!!! He's sick, sick, sick!


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

SomethingsUp said:


> I went apartment shopping today, calling my lawyer in the morning to get him served because everything was done weeks back. He is history in my life!!!! He's sick, sick, sick!


You will be so much better off.....any luck with the apartment hunt?


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

pidge70 said:


> You will be so much better off.....any luck with the apartment hunt?


I know I'll be better off, yes on the apartment hunt, I found quite a few vacancies, some right away, hope to move by next weekend. I need to get away from him till our house sells. He won't move, so I will no problem.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)




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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Openminded said:


> I've followed your story from the beginning. If it took a poly for you to finally be done with him then it's money well spent.


Agreed.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

EI said:


> GusPolinski said:
> 
> 
> > I wonder which is higher, though... the rate of false passes or of false failures?
> ...


I would go for false passes....as there are certain things you can take to skew results.... But an experienced examiner would catch it and tell you it will not be accurate or call it inconclusive.

If you think someone is trying to beat it I would require a full drug screen prior to the test. Ensure they are clean for hyper tension meds, narcotics and psych meds.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

SomethingsUp said:


> He did google this, just found the link on the keylogger I have on his computer.
> 
> How to beat a polygraph.
> 
> https://www.webwatcherdata.com/(S(b....aspx?sessionid=1427064197&computerid=2049626


Case closed, regardless of the validity of the polygraph.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

SomethingsUp said:


> I know I'll be better off, yes on the apartment hunt, I found quite a few vacancies, some right away, hope to move by next weekend. I need to get away from him till our house sells. He won't move, so I will no problem.


So sorry SomethingsUp but you are better off without him. Wishing you all the best on your new life and adventure :smthumbup:


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## Augusto (Aug 14, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> The problem is that Polygraph tests have a pretty high false results rate. This is why I really do not suggest anyone use them. They are not allowed in court because of this.


But if he admits to them, then he is slime.


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## AriYarjan (Mar 21, 2015)

Really sorry that you have to move on like this but I guess you now see that it is for the best. Is he still maintaining that he told the truth and that the test was wrong ?

You need to stay strong as it is him that has the problem.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

sidney2718 said:


> My advice, unasked for and worth what you pay for it, is that TAM should STOP advocating polygraph tests.


In that case, MY advice is that if they help a BS in his or her situation, then I'm all for it.

I've take two polygraphs, one in the military, and another when I was applying to become a police officer. Of course I passed. 

Just curious, how many have you taken sidney?


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Many people believe that polygraphs are unreliable to a level that boarders on fraud. I haven't seen any journal papers on polygraph testing - I would be interested if anyone has any links.

I would personally refuse a polygraph for anything except a security clearance - and I only accept that because I believe it is used just to see who refuses.

If there is other reason to believe your partner is unfaithful then use that. Don't decide on life changing issues based on a polygraph.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

SomethingsUp has an avalanche of proof. And now she can add to that a failed polygraph and proof that her WH has been googling 'how to beat a polygraph.'

I think in this case the polygraph is more reliable than her WH's word.

I truly hope she can let go and find a better life for herself.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

SomethingsUp said:


> That it was wrong of course, he was so convinced he passed it that he said after the test that we should get the honeymoon suite on our way driving home. Then we got the results and he said they were wrong when it didn't go his way.
> 
> We had to drive to Edmonton to get the test done, it's a 6 hour drive one way, coming home after turned out to be the longest nightmare of a drive I've ever had in my entire life. He's despicable! And the biggest LIAR I've ever met.
> 
> ...


*I figured that he would give you the old line that since lie detector test results are largely inadmissable in a court of law, that they really shouldn't be here! You might have him take one more set of tests at a place of your choice, but it's highly unlikely that there will be any discernible change in the results!

I really think that you would be most justified in the immediate procuring of legal counsel, one who has a noted reputation for being a literal piranha in the courtroom, and largely getting the wheels in motion for the oncoming arduous divorce process!

Best of luck to you, my dear!*


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> In that case, MY advice is that if they help a BS in his or her situation, then I'm all for it.
> 
> I've take two polygraphs, one in the military, and another when I was applying to become a police officer. Of course I passed.
> 
> Just curious, how many have you taken sidney?


Which has nothing to do with the fact that they are unreliable. If they were reliable, don't you think the courts would allow them?


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> Many people believe that polygraphs are unreliable to a level that boarders on fraud. I haven't seen any journal papers on polygraph testing - I would be interested if anyone has any links.
> 
> I would personally refuse a polygraph for anything except a security clearance - and I only accept that because I believe it is used just to see who refuses.
> ...


The wikipedia article at: Polygraph - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia cites research articles. The footnotes to those articles are given at the bottom of the article.

More information can be found by Googling for "polygraph reliability".


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

alte Dame said:


> SomethingsUp has an avalanche of proof. And now she can add to that a failed polygraph and proof that her WH has been googling 'how to beat a polygraph.'
> 
> I think in this case the polygraph is more reliable than her WH's word.
> 
> I truly hope she can let go and find a better life for herself.


Flipping a coin would be correct half the time. The problem is that we'd not know which half...


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

sidney2718 said:


> Which has nothing to do with the fact that they are unreliable. If they were reliable, don't you think the courts would allow them?


Well, polygraphs could be 99% reliable but that standard would not be good enough for the court system nor should it be. But this isn't a court it's her marriage and she is trying to get answers.

Sidney, we get what you are saying about polygraphs. They aren't reliable. I agree. But you keep trying to convince us of something we all agree on. They aren't foolproof.

So in light of what we know about hubby:

- FAILED 3 of 3 questions on polygraph
- Perturbed over the administrator changing the question ever so slightly from "sex" to "sexual contact"
- googled how to beat a polygraph prior to taking test.

What advice can you give OP? What is the next course of action she should take?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

sidney2718 said:


> My advice, unasked for and worth what you pay for it, is that TAM should STOP advocating polygraph tests.


LOL. This is always hilarious in your use of "TAM" or "we." It's funny because you use these terms when people disagree with your position. TAM doesn't advocate polys, it is different individuals. Also, there is an almost equal amount of derail posters pro and against. 

It's just more dramatic to say "OMG, everyone on TAM advocates <insert over used opposition to your side >" to make a point.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> Flipping a coin would be correct half the time. The problem is that we'd not know which half...


Have you followed her story, sidney?

I'm aware of the unreliability of polygraphs, just like so many people here. I don't think it matters at all in this case.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

SomethingsUp said:


> We were trying to reconcile and he wanted to prove he was innocent about an actual PA with the women he worked with, so he took a polygraph. He failed it completely, only 3 questions were asked, here they are...
> 
> 1.) Have you been faithful to your wife (my name) since the day you married her? FAIL
> 
> ...


It takes arrogance for him to think he could lie and pass the test. And he has google searches on how to pass a lie detector? That's enough already. I'm glad you've determined it's over and I hope you keep that resolve.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

sidney2718 said:


> Which has nothing to do with the fact that they are unreliable. If they were reliable, don't you think the courts would allow them?


I'll tell you one thing that is far more unreliable than polygraphs that courts allow: Eyewitness testimony.

Human perception and memory is so inconsistent, that if there were 10 eyewitnesses who saw a crime, I guarantee you there will be 10 different versions of events. Again, myself and others have first experience in this.

Yet courts allow into evidence eye witness testimony. There are people have spent many years in prison or gone to their deaths based on eye witness testimony. So please don't tell me that just because courts allow eye witness testimony and not polygraphs, that makes it right.

Think about that one.

I find it funny that you quote Wikipedia as a source. In my university, it's an automatic fail if you even try to use wiki as a source. You do realize that wiki can be edited by anyone at any time right?


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

They are unreliable because with time and practice a skilled liar can beat them. However, the "nervous" thing is garbage. Everyone lies differently. Meaning, we all have subconscious "tells" that our bodies give off. All a polygraph does is monitor your body (heartbeat, breathing pattern, etc.) for any of these tells.

Before the actual exam is given, the polygraph tester will ask you a few test questions where he purposely asks you to tell the truth then to lie. If he can't tell the difference on the machine in your body's response then the exam is over. No point continuing because the results will be inconclusive.

So for him to fail, his tell showed up during the lying test questions and the actual questions and did not show up during the truth test questions. If he was nervous, it would of shown up on every question. For him to fail all three actual questions? Well, nothing is 100% but you can take it to the bank he's a POS.

This whole thing reminds me of one of my favorite Seinfeld quotes: "It's not a lie, if YOU believe it..." - George Costanza


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

TAM Members,
Please try to keep this thread on track. Please do not post if it is not relevant to the OP and her topic.


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

Here's the polygraph results as promised.

It's below in Thundarr's post, the edited version without names.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

You sure you want this up as is, may want to black out the names.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

With you moving out and other actions these last few days has he changed his stance at all? Is he playing the test is wrong etc or has he switched into damage control mode?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> You sure you want this up as is, may want to black out the names.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I didn't know how to black out the names on a PDF, I wanted to, any ideas? And I don't have my scanner at my apartment yet


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

honcho said:


> With you moving out and other actions these last few days has he changed his stance at all? Is he playing the test is wrong etc or has he switched into damage control mode?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He's done nothing and he's still sticking to the story the poly was all wrong. He's a big LIAR, and he's not sorry for anything, I'm convinced he wants this so he can keep seeing her.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Something like this SomethingsUp. You can remove the link now if you want to.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

lordmayhem said:


> I'll tell you one thing that is far more unreliable than polygraphs that courts allow: Eyewitness testimony.
> 
> Human perception and memory is so inconsistent, that if there were 10 eyewitnesses who saw a crime, I guarantee you there will be 10 different versions of events. Again, myself and others have first experience in this.
> 
> ...


You have given a great argument against the use of eye witness accounts. Is that what you intended? Courts allow it because it was all they had 800 years ago. We have better things now.

The articles cited in the Wiki reference are to the technical literature. I don't have direct access to the (voluminous) literature on polygraphs and neither do most others. So the citations I gave are the best that can be done.

As for your university, I agree with that policy. Students are expected to use the library and dig up references. TAM readers are not.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> You sure you want this up as is, may want to black out the names.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. There's too much information there.


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> Something like this SomethingsUp. You can remove the link now if you want to.



Thank you so much Thundarr!!!!! :smthumbup:


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

SomethingsUp said:


> I didn't know how to black out the names on a PDF, I wanted to, any ideas? And I don't have my scanner at my apartment yet


I'm not sure, to be honest. If you edit in in a PDF reader? But the doc itself maybe read only?

At least the names are pretty generic ( no offense 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> I'm not sure, to be honest. If you edit in in a PDF reader? But the doc itself maybe read only?
> 
> At least the names are pretty generic ( no offense
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thundarr edited it for me and I took down the link.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

SomethingsUp said:


> Thundarr edited it for me and I took down the link.


Excellent.

Hang in there 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

That's great. I'm sure it's a real page turner.

Any advice for SomethingsUp?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

While Poly's can be debated endlessly the fact he wanted questions asked specific ways, he was researching how to beat the test etc. Is probably more incriminating. 

Given you have found a place and moved out I think he will hold firm in "his version". He is betting your gonna want to come back is my guess. Once he believes you are serious about moving on he will probably change his tune then.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It's possible once he realizes you really are moving out that he will admit he "made a mistake", and has changed, etc. in an attempt to get you back. Be prepared.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Polygraphs are trash science and that is the reason they aren't allowed into court as evidence. They are a tool used to steer a person's testimony where one side or the other wishes to go.
I would never consent to taking one regardless of the consequences.


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

Update: My STBX showed up at my apartment saying he needed to talk to me. The divorce proceedings are in the courts now and I believe this was his last ditch effort to try to convince me to stop things.

He broke down crying and said the reason he failed the poly is because he and the OW had kissed once 4 years ago (2010) after she had some drinks with him after work at his place up north. He said it happened in the truck driving her home and that's why he failed the question about "have you had any sexual contact?" 

I was shocked to hear it started 4 years ago, wow! That's all I heard, any after that was a blur.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So despite protestations to the contrary by some posters here, the Polygraph test in this instance WAS accurate and sexual contact HAD taken place.

WS put his own marriage on the grill and BBcued it into a burnt crisp.

Having accidentally outed himself as a cheater of at least FOUR years.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

Sounds like in the last 2 months she has either dropped him or their romance fizzled. So back to plan B, er, you. For what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing. Particularly that he chose to lie about their relationship (and probably still is). To me, that says something about his character that is permanently broken. And there's no good reason you need to put up with it. Stay the course. Good luck.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Well, you kind of knew that, didn't you?

Just remember, when a cheater says we just talked, they really kissed. When he says we just kissed, they made out. When he says we just fooled around, they had sex. So you know he's done more than just kiss. Move on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

turnera said:


> Well, you kind of knew that, didn't you?
> 
> Just remember, when a cheater says we just talked, they really kissed. When he says we just kissed, they made out. When he says we just fooled around, they had sex. So you know he's done more than just kiss. Move on.


And when they say they're going to pass the Polygraph test they... oh.:surprise:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SomethingsUp (Sep 30, 2014)

turnera said:


> Well, you kind of knew that, didn't you?
> 
> Just remember, when a cheater says we just talked, they really kissed. When he says we just kissed, they made out. When he says we just fooled around, they had sex. So you know he's done more than just kiss. Move on.


Of course I knew, and he is a pathological liar, that's something new I've learned over the last 7 months. God I can't wait till all of this is behind me.


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## lonelyhusband321 (Feb 18, 2014)

Ya know - if a relationship has gone all the way to a polygraph, it probably is already gone anyway. Trust is the core of ANY relationship, be it work, friendship, marriage or any other. 

If a polygraph is involved, the trust has been compromised - period. The results of the polygraph is (in my mind) academic. The simple fact that any relationship GOES to the polygraph level is - in and of itself - the greater problem. 

Trust - once betrayed - can't be recovered. It really is that simple - though we all wish for it to be more complex.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> So despite protestations to the contrary by some posters here, the Polygraph test in this instance WAS accurate and sexual contact HAD taken place.
> 
> WS put his own marriage on the grill and BBcued it into a burnt crisp.
> 
> ...


* That ain't no "accident" or Freudian slip coming out ~ that's pure and simple "trickle-truth" at work!

The hair is getting short, and he now has come to the stark realization that he's got to start making "his story" sound even more believable!

All despite the fact that his chances now are largely between "slim" and "none," and "Slim" just drove off!*


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Having read SomethingsUp's story from her first posts, I can say that none of what he said in this current attempt to convince her surprises me.

He's been working away from home for years, got gradually more distant, eventually turning away from OP in bed when he came home on weekends. He was in contact with the OW in more blatant ways such that OP became suspicious, thus her screen name. 

He clearly developed a second life in his work environment where he has spent most of his time for 8 (?) years now. That was his primary life, including the OW, for years now.

He has cheated and gaslighted relentlessly and appears not to want to give up OP. But, why? Either he is just one of the more shameless cake-eaters we have seen here, or he can't face the social opprobrium in his hometown that would be associated with a divorce borne of adultery. My sense from OP's posts is that he has been living a cheater's lifestyle quite openly where he works, but has tried to maintain the face of faithful husband at 'home' with his BW.

His description of a kiss four years ago is completely ridiculous. Does he seem pathetic to you yet, SomethingsUp? Or are you still in the intense anger and hurt stage?

I think pitying him would be a godsend to you because it would mean that you have finally detached. That's what I wish for you, a more peaceful life without all of his hurtful betrayals and lies.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

SomethingsUp said:


> Of course I knew, and he is a pathological liar, that's something new I've learned over the last 7 months. God I can't wait till all of this is behind me.


I was thinking of you the other day. I know this has been difficult and I'm glad to hear you're still on the right path. Life on the other side (without a cheating spouse) will look a lot different. And be a lot better.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Susie42 said:


> I don't believe this to be true at all. A person would be more nervous about a question such as: Did you have sex with another woman?, then a question: Did you ever cheat on a test? The first question would make the person VERY nervous, because if they failed that question their entire life would be shattered. The second question wouldn't have much of an impact if they failed that question. So naturally, a person would be more nervous on specific questions especially if it will impact their life. I do believe that being nervous about specific questions does effect the outcome of the test.


We'll have to agree to disagree. So if someone asked you, "Have you ever killed someone?" during a polygraph you would be nervous? Your life would be shattered too at a positive response right? I'd bet you'd belt out a confident "NO!" however. Because it's completely false and you're positive that it is. Keep in mind before the actual test begins, fake questions are purposely asked to eliminate the majority of false positives. Follow up questions are sometimes asked too. So they can usually tell the difference between you being uncomfortable and you lying.

Again like I said, the test can not truly tell if you are lying or not. That's why it is not admissible in court. But there is far less subjectivity to it than popular culture would have you believe. It simply reads your body language. However, the body and mind are FAR more connected than people give credit for. I think your stated position comes from grossly underestimating the test. Unless you are a skilled liar with years of dedicated practice, most people, including narcissist cheaters, are unconfident liars and the body almost always gives it away.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Let's save that for the Anti-Polygraph thread, ok?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Having read SomethingsUp's story from her first posts, I can say that none of what he said in this current attempt to convince her surprises me.
> 
> He's been working away from home for years, got gradually more distant, eventually turning away from OP in bed when he came home on weekends. He was in contact with the OW in more blatant ways such that OP became suspicious, thus her screen name.
> 
> ...


Or he is compartmentalising to a ridiculous degree?


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## jessicag (May 24, 2015)

We didn't even have to do the polygraph. I threatened him with it and gave him a 24 hour window of time to fess up to everything. If he didn't and failed the poly, then I was out-no ifs, ands, or buts. But, if he finally told the truth and the poly confirmed that, then I would consider working on things depending on the severity. Well, it was severe and I don't think we'll make it, but we are still going to follow through with the poly just to make sure. If he fails I'll know for sure it's over. If he passes, then I have a really difficult decision to make once and for all.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

The largest error factor with a polygraph is the ability to skew the results toward false negative....not false positive. If there was a issue with hubby being so worked up over test the polygrapher would have said he could not get an accurate result, basically "inconclusive". To fail all questions.......he thought he could put on over on the poly with his arrogant ass.


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