# Indecisive- dont know what to do.



## daisysiren

hi, i love my husband very much...have for 17 years. my husband is an alcoholic and he's addicted to meth (well now its the legal of bath salt) he gets paranoid and thinks i'm against him. he also thinks i'm cheating on him, so much so that he got high & beat me and sent me to the hospital. i did promise me not use meth again and thank god he hasnt but the bath salt effects him kind of the same way. he gets a little bit paranoid, but not to the extent that meth does. i left my husband tuesday because he got drunk and started talking about hitting me and that i was cheating on him and he scared me and i left. he thinks i'm being childish and i'm pouting. i love him,but he scares me when he's drunk or high and i dont know what to do. he says he was just drunk and he was sorry and nothing was gonna happen, but i've been hit, called names, and had things thrown at me... i scare easily now, so i run. he's great sober, but he doesnt stay that way. what should i do? should i go back? should we try counseling?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

He's great sober, but the fact is, he's not sober.

Meth scares the shet out of me. Any heavy drug is a deal breaker for me. When I found out that Hubs smoked weed a couple times when he moved out, I had to really sit and think about that and we had a conversation about it. I used to smoke weed every day (in college) but gave it up when I graduated and never looked back.

Hubs said he doesn't like being high and he won't smoke it again because of it. Good. It is my take that people who do drugs are hiding from something...better to deal with life while sober and really get to the bottom of the issues. Drugs are a mask over the pain.

I would not stay with a man who did heavy drugs. If he beat me, I would be gone. Why do you stay? I know it's scary to think about leaving, but you need to get your head on straight and show him some tough love. 

My family has a history of drug use. I've lost a step mom to Hep C which came from her history of Heroin (it showed up years later) and my dad left us for cocaine. I don't tolerate such behaviour.

When my sisters were tweeked out, I told them both that I love them but wouldn't be around to watch them destroy themselves. We didn't talk for 4 years. Four. They sobered up and called me. We are very close now.

You have to figure out where your boundaries are and stick to them.


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## Prodigal

To begin with, no counselor worth his/her salt will try MC with you while your husband is in active addiction. 

He gets paranoid. He hits you. Do you love him? Yes, you love the "good" him, and you love what he used to be. What he is becoming is NOT loveable. You know it, but you are more comfortable taking his **** than you are living without it.

Just think about this: you "love" a man who physically abused you to the point of putting you in the hospital. This is sick. You are sick. Are you evil? No. Are you stupid? No. But addiction is an equal-opportunity destroyer, and it has done a major mind f--- on you.

Get into Al-Anon and get IC for yourself. Do not go back. Your husband is paranoid, and I've lived with that. Believe me, I know what it is to be hit by a man who was in the throes of addiction and accused me of doing stuff I NEVER did.

Stay with family, friends, or even go to a women's shelter. You can get free legal counseling, you can get free emotional counseling, you can get out until your husband decides to get better.

Honey, I really, truly feel for you. But this is your one, precious life. Don't put yourself in harm's way. Love and respect your husband enough to get out of the way of his addiction. If he wants to get better, he only needs to pick up the phone and call A.A. and/or N.A. He can even go to the Salvation Army for free and they will see to it that he gets into recovery.

I've lived through this. Please take care of yourself. Love your husband, but love him from a distance.


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## daisysiren

thanks for all your comments. i really appreciate it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ren

FYI: "Bath Salts" are not a specific drug but more a generic term that arose in reference to a variety of legal stimulants. The majority of them have since been made illegal. Most of those stimulants are ostensibly less harmful than meth, although the most "meth-like" of them (MDPV) is probably more dangerous than meth and likely has a greater propensity to induce violent paranoia. It's very possible that his behavior will escalate again regardless of whether he returns to using meth itself if he is taking MDPV. 

You need to recognize that his inability to use drugs responsibly poses a direct threat to your health. The abuse of stimulants and alcohol both can produce violent irrational behavior. His continued abuse of these drugs will result in him beating you again, you will end up in the hospital or the morgue and he will go to prison. 
I think you need to talk to him the next time he is sober, explain to him that you love him and want what is best for him but can't feel safe around him until he regains control over his dangerous behaviors. Accept that staying with him as he is now is not a choice and make it clear to him that being with you is his choice.


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## Mindful Coach

Honey, you know it's only going to get worse as long as he's using. Insist on sobriety get into AA for him, Al-Anon for you. If he can stay sober for a year, then look at reconciling, which would then include MC. Otherwise, save your own life while you can.


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