# How do I get my wife in the mood for sex?



## Ted_1 (Jan 15, 2018)

Hi everyone, I need some advice on how to be better at seducing my wife.

To give you a bit of back story, we've been together now for almost 5 years and and for the most part we're really happy together. The only issue that comes from time to time is the way I approach sex with her. I'm a complete novice when it comes to 'the art of seduction'. I was a 25 yo virgin when we first met and never had much experience with seducing women before her. She's made it really easy for me at the start and I never really had to seduce her to get sex. A few years on now and I'm starting to realise that I really suck at seducing her and getting her in the mood for sex. 

The way I've been approaching sex with her is literally asking her for sex but I can't help but feel I should be doing more to get her in the mood. She loves sex and it's not like we haven't had great sex, it just doesn't happen often enough for us because of my inexperience when it comes to seducing her. She's been nothing but patient with me around this issue, so it's only fair that I work on myself and learn to become a better lover.

I recognise that everyone is different and what turns someone one may not work for another but I think it'd help to get some ideas on what I can be doing better.

Do you guys/gals have any tips for me? How do you get your wife/partner in the mood? or how does your husband/partner get you in the mood?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I think its great that you didn't have sex till you were with her, and I am sure she appreciates that. I dont think there is a problem here, if she is happy with what you do then why change it? Of course you could buy some good books on sex and see what they say. 
Also communicate with her, every woman is different , ask her what she likes and doesn't like. Marriage is all about learning together, and growing together. 
BTW sleeping around with many people doesn't make you a good lover. Many who do this are only after their own needs being met anyway.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Ted_1 said:


> Hi everyone, I need some advice on how to be better at seducing my wife.
> 
> To give you a bit of back story, we've been together now for almost 5 years and and for the most part we're really happy together. The only issue that comes from time to time is the way I approach sex with her. I'm a complete novice when it comes to 'the art of seduction'. I was a 25 yo virgin when we first met and never had much experience with seducing women before her. She's made it really easy for me at the start and I never really had to seduce her to get sex. A few years on now and I'm starting to realise that I really suck at seducing her and getting her in the mood for sex.
> 
> ...




- Sneak into the bathroom before she wakes up and light scented candles with a I love you card - have a great day.


- Do things for her that are total surprises and catch her off guard. Dinner ready when she gets home roses in a vase on the table with her fav chocolates.


- When you're cuddling on the couch watching a movie, start kissing her neck and ears.....go from there.


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## Ted_1 (Jan 15, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> I think its great that you didn't have sex till you were with her, and I am sure she appreciates that. I dont think there is a problem here, if she is happy with what you do then why change it? Of course you could buy some good books on sex and see what they say.
> Also communicate with her, every woman is different , ask her what she likes and doesn't like. Marriage is all about learning together, and growing together.
> BTW sleeping around with many people doesn't make you a good lover. Many who do this are only after their own needs being met anyway.


Well I guess that's the things, she's happy with everything else in our relationship (as far as I'm concerned) but not happy about our sex life. To her it's a bit awkward at times and feels like a bit of a routine sometimes. What she wants from me is to be more spontaneous, more in tune with how she is feeling and be better at turning her on (I imagine getting the first 2 right would certainly help with achieving the third).

We have started to communicate about this and I it's been really good having an open discussion about it with her. She didn't want to tell me exactly what to do because she felt like it would feel too rehearsed and lose a sense of excitement if I simply did what she said, which I tend to agree.


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## Ted_1 (Jan 15, 2018)

CuddleBug said:


> - Sneak into the bathroom before she wakes up and light scented candles with a I love you card - have a great day.
> 
> 
> - Do things for her that are total surprises and catch her off guard. Dinner ready when she gets home roses in a vase on the table with her fav chocolates.
> ...



Some great ideas, thanks  I need to be better at being spontaneous with her.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Does one of you tend to be more adventurous than the other in bed?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ted_1 said:


> Well I guess that's the things, she's happy with everything else in our relationship (as far as I'm concerned) but not happy about our sex life. To her it's a bit awkward at times and feels like a bit of a routine sometimes. What she wants from me is to be more spontaneous, more in tune with how she is feeling and be better at turning her on (I imagine getting the first 2 right would certainly help with achieving the third).
> 
> We have started to communicate about this and I it's been really good having an open discussion about it with her. She didn't want to tell me exactly what to do because she felt like it would feel too rehearsed and lose a sense of excitement if I simply did what she said, which I tend to agree.


Yes but you are not a mind reader are you. Can she not give you some idea of the sort of things she would like? 
Get the book called the five love languages and do the test together. It will help you find out what each others love language is.IE physical touch, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service or quality time.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

A good meal followed by a bottle of wine, stand-up comedy, and some casual touching during has never failed at my house.


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## shaillythomas (Jan 12, 2018)

Good, it is very easy, communication is the key of any relation 
so Communicate with her what she wants, do some adventure in your sex, read some books or movies based on sex.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

One of the things that helps me, in addition to what has been mentioned here, is that he makes me feel sexY. When I get out of the shower, he looks at me. Not ogling or yucky, just mmmm. If I am wearing dress, he runs his finger up the exposed bit of my leg. It is an all-the-time vibe not just when we are about to get down. For US since sexuality is developed and we have our own sense of what is fun and cool and what is not, he will call me a fine piece of a**. You should maybe start with you are fine. Did you see the movie Rob Roy? DH will look at me and say, Do you know how fine you are to me Mary Macgregor? Or Ack! What a wonton I am wed to.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Like NobodySpecial wrote, simply making her feel (or know) she is loved and sexy is most of it. If you want to get adventurous down the road that's fine, but for now just make it obvious that you think she's hot.

Sure you have work and responsibilities, and might get home tired and sore. But it shouldn't be too much effort to say something as you walk in the door like "Wow, you look nice" or "I had a bad day and couldn't wait to get home to you" with a hug. Man, that, for her, is the equivalent of her putting her hand on your crotch. She'll be all smiles and in gear for closeness with her hubby.

Tell her you're going to get a shower and you'd like to go out with her tonight, anywhere. Or you'd like to curl up on the couch and watch a comedy. Or she should wait 10 minutes, then get in the shower with you (wink, wink). Just getting more comfortable with being affectionate and small simple caresses as you walk by, compliments, etc. will keep her happy and receptive. Chicks are easy.

But just saying "Hey, wanna do it?" out of the blue once or twice a week is getting boring for her. Sounds like cowboy foreplay - "Get in the truck". Say "Hey let me rub your feet". Ten minutes later when she asks if she can rub your feet say "No thanks, but I have something else that needs attention". An air of fun, playful affection and loving will keep the sex on tap.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

So essentially what she is telling you is that she wants you to read her mind, and like 99.99% of all people you suck at reading minds.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I have a question for OP and the people giving advice here. Why is it up to the man to get her in the mood and turn her on, get her ready for sex?

Shouldn't this be a mutual sexual dynamic, with her flirting and also trying to turn her man on, let him know she finds him sexy?

Why should this fall completely upon him to manage?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Livvie said:


> I have a question for OP and the people giving advice here. Why is it up to the man to get her in the mood and turn her on, get her ready for sex?
> 
> Shouldn't this be a mutual sexual dynamic, with her flirting and also trying to turn her man on, let him know she finds him sexy?
> 
> Why should this fall completely upon him to manage?


I don't think it "should". I think HE came here asking for advice. In his post, he mentions just straight up asking (asking. ew.) for sex. That would be a no-go for me.

[ETA] Any dynamic can change with action on the part of one and reaction on the part of the other. That would be a good outcome, IMO. I know that no one is a mind reader. But I, too, would have trouble bridging the gap from "Can we have sex, please" and something that might actually get the engine revving.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

The sexual dynamics between those two is up to those two.

I would make suggestions, since I believe I recognize some key elements in what you say your wife said, but the political correctness crew does not like my suggestions.

I wish you well. I think your wife’s desires are perfectly valid and if you can figure out what she wants without having to ask her you can find a way to please her. My wife is turned off, even repulsed, if I ask her anything. From extensive reading I have done on the subject that response is actually not rare.

Good luck.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

From your post, it sounds like you may have trouble reading body language clues. I hope you don't mind me asking, but are you on the Autistic spectrum? I'm not trying to make accusations, but it may affect how you should approach this situation. Just on a normal, day-to-day basis, how good are you at picking up someone's mood from body language and non-verbal cues?


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

I didn't get the impression that the OP suffered from any afflictions. I believe he stated that he was Very inexperienced when he got with his wife, and it sounds like he never sharpened his "Lady Killer" skills. They have enjoyable sex, and she is happy to play with him, but she wants something different than "Hey, it's Friday at 8pm - time for sex". Do it in a different room. Start mackin on her in the laundry room, or a parking garage. Tell her she looks really sexy when she's doing the dishes, then start feeling her up before she can get the rubber gloves off. Just try a different approach, because whatever you're doing isn't as exciting as what she's seeing in the romantic comedies. 

I don't use the words "seduce" or "seduction" much, because I don't read books with Fabio on the cover. But I believe you want ideas on how to "turn her on". Get her motor running. Make her wanna shoop.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

To the OP, I would think you may have had no practice with seduction. After all, seduction is viewed by many as a very negative thing. Seduction is the while of evil people, attempting to lead a woman away from good.

For a real eye opener perhaps you should read a few dozen best selling romance novels. When I first realized my wife wanted me to treat her differently than I had been one of the things I did was take some of her books and read them. She reads some very racy romance novels it turns out. They are nothing like I thought they were. 

As you explore I think you will get good at interpreting your wife’s reactions. You just need to realize she wants you to go ahead and do things and judge the effectiveness by how she reacts.

You will discover what she wants, and does not want, as you explore, if you are bold. It’s non verbal. 

In my wife’s case I proved I am an intrepid explorer. Every woman is different, I’m sure.

Be well


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## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

Hello. Looks like you are doing the right things in trying to work on yourself in this area.

Do you know if your wife has any fantasies or if she reads "romance" type books and/or watches similar movies? If so, as cheesy as it sounds, she may be interested in being romanced in that way.

Sometimes its not fair because the books and movies set such high expectations that it is almost impossible to match most (if any) of the time.

But I would hope your efforts in trying to make things more romantic would carry some weight.

Another suggestion is to read up on preparing for first (and second, third, etc.) dates with a person of interest (your wife in this case) and proceed to woo her all over again.

Good luck.


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## Notself (Aug 25, 2017)

Livvie said:


> I have a question for OP and the people giving advice here. Why is it up to the man to get her in the mood and turn her on, get her ready for sex?


Because this is the way it works on Planet Earth. When women's sex drives equal or exceed men's, perhaps they'll be the ones to initiate. That day, however, is far in the future - if it ever happens.


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## Ted_1 (Jan 15, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't think it "should". I think HE came here asking for advice. In his post, he mentions just straight up asking (asking. ew.) for sex. That would be a no-go for me.
> 
> [ETA] Any dynamic can change with action on the part of one and reaction on the part of the other. That would be a good outcome, IMO. I know that no one is a mind reader. But I, too, would have trouble bridging the gap from "Can we have sex, please" and something that might actually get the engine revving.


Yeah really just posted to get some advice and you gave some really good tips in your first response. I think it's a reciprocal thing to. I can't expect her to be turning me on if I'm not putting in any effort myself.


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## Ted_1 (Jan 15, 2018)

Maxwedge 413 said:


> I didn't get the impression that the OP suffered from any afflictions. I believe he stated that he was Very inexperienced when he got with his wife, and it sounds like he never sharpened his "Lady Killer" skills. They have enjoyable sex, and she is happy to play with him, but she wants something different than "Hey, it's Friday at 8pm - time for sex". Do it in a different room. Start mackin on her in the laundry room, or a parking garage. Tell her she looks really sexy when she's doing the dishes, then start feeling her up before she can get the rubber gloves off. Just try a different approach, because whatever you're doing isn't as exciting as what she's seeing in the romantic comedies.
> 
> I don't use the words "seduce" or "seduction" much, because I don't read books with Fabio on the cover. But I believe you want ideas on how to "turn her on". Get her motor running. Make her wanna shoop.


Pretty much hit the nail on the head. Just really inexperienced and have never been good at 'seducing'.

I hate using that word too, sounds cheesy as hell haha. Couldn't think of the right alternative.


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## Ted_1 (Jan 15, 2018)

WilliamM said:


> To the OP, I would think you may have had no practice with seduction. After all, seduction is viewed by many as a very negative thing. Seduction is the while of evil people, attempting to lead a woman away from good.
> 
> For a real eye opener perhaps you should read a few dozen best selling romance novels. When I first realized my wife wanted me to treat her differently than I had been one of the things I did was take some of her books and read them. She reads some very racy romance novels it turns out. They are nothing like I thought they were.
> 
> ...


I'm hoping overtime I'll get better at interpreting her reactions. Right now I'm just thinking up a list of things I should start doing and I can work out through exploration which of those she likes. Actually looking forward to mixing things up myself too, when I think back to how I've approached things so far, I shudder at how boring I've been.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> A good meal followed by a bottle of wine, stand-up comedy, and some casual touching during has never failed at my house.


“Stand up comedy”
Is that a euphemism?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> “Stand up comedy”
> Is that a euphemism?


What can I say? Laughter makes me all feelsy.


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