# So disappointed!



## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

I've been seeing a man for almost 2 years. In the beginning of the relationship, I found out that he was still on a dating site "looking for friends". A friend of mine struck up a conversation with him on the site and he did admit he had a gf. I confronted him about it, intending to break up with him. We had a long conversation about friends of the opposite sex (honestly, I could understand opposite sex friends if it's someone you've known for a long time, maybe since you were kids, etc, but to strike up new friendships just isn't cool ya know) and we seemed to be on the same page about it. He said that our relationship was the most stable relationship he'd ever had and it was hard to break the habit of having a "back up plan" (his words)

We talked some more and I fell for it all and decided to give him another chance but be cautious. He isn't aware that I know the passcode for his phone (it's always been locked and I've never asked about it) and I've checked it periodically and there's been nothing there. (I feel terrible about being sneaky like this but don't trust him completely) Well I checked it yesterday and his browser was open to the personals on craigslist and there were a few lines of texting to someone with just a number. The texts were "hey, you up", "why aren't you texting me anymore", "I was thinking about playing" (to him that means masturbating). 

I just don't understand it!! So I definitely have to break up with him now. I'm just so disappointed and upset! We've gotten along so well and my kids love him. He's been very helpful around my acreage and house. 

What's my next step? Do I just break it off without an explanation? Do I fess up to checking his phone? What do I do?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

You're dating, not married. No explanation needed. But if you do want to lay into him, it would be understandable. Just be prepared to have him lash back at you about invading his privacy. You could just respond by using that to confirm that the two of you just aren't a match, so it's best if you just move on. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

whattodoskidoo said:


> What's my next step? Do I just break it off without an explanation? Do I fess up to checking his phone? What do I do?


I would just tell him: 

"This isn't working for me anymore. I notice you are still perusing craigslist (EW!) personal ads and texting other women so I do not want to be with you anymore."

End it and move on.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

PBear said:


> Just be prepared to have him lash back at you about invading his privacy. You could just respond by using that to* confirm that the two of you just aren't a match, so it's best if you just move on. *


Golden. Love it.


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Break it off and move on. You could tell him you saw the exchanges and felt the relationship had run its course, but from the way I read it, this is more a relationship of convenience anyway so maybe no explanation is needed. It has been described as the most stable he'd ever had, you kids love him, the two of thou have gotten along well, and he is helpful around the acreage and house. 

I aw no where that you used the words love between the two of you, just when regarding the kids and him. Everything came across as very matter of fact and almost business like or close friend type of situation and not as something that you were looking for in the long term.

Just end it and get out, and start looking for the one that you actually live for. Just my two cents as this seemed very non-emotioallly connected like would be with a loving and caring relationship, this came across as more of a contact association.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Being a cheater and a liar usually means he is a good manipulator.
Therefore anything you do by way of explanation is a hook for him to maniuplate you or lie his way out. Dump him cold.

Learn a lesson, you should not allow your kids to attach to your boy friends. This ends up hurting them, since they love him.


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

I'd fess up to checking his phone, telling him what you saw, and that you can't trust him anymore, then leave his azz in the dust.

If he complains about the invasion of privacy, sorry, wrong thing to be upset about when caught as someone untrustworthy.


----------



## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

I waited til we were dating about a year before he met my kids. (I have my kids full time and wasn't liking spending so much time away from them just to see him) I was long term minded with him. I do love him and he says he loves me. He treats me well in every other respect. ( and the stupid thing I REALLY don't understand is he knows I'm "available" to him whenever he wants but he'd rather jerk off to some stranger on the phone????? WTH!)

I keep his dog most of the time during the day for him. I'm thinking about just taking his dog back to his house and leaving him a dear john letter so I don't have to talk to him again. That way he can't try to be manipulative. I don't answer my phone or any texts. Is that being a coward??


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sidenote: I think Craigslist is the bottom barrel as far as online hook ups go. Like, the worst. 

Ick.


----------



## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Sidenote: I think Craigslist is the bottom barrel as far as online hook ups go. Like, the worst.
> 
> Ick.


Seriously!!


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

whattodoskidoo said:


> I keep his dog most of the time during the day for him. I'm thinking about just taking his dog back to his house and leaving him a dear john letter so I don't have to talk to him again. That way he can't try to be manipulative. I don't answer my phone or any texts. *Is that being a coward*??


No. Everyone deals with break ups in their own way. I happen to be a fan of really "Exit Stage Left" break ups. You will leave him utterly confused and thinking WTF if you do it as you said. And if you don't answer when he calls/texts, it will just be the icing on the cake.


----------



## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> No. Everyone deals with break ups in their own way. I happen to be a fan of really "Exit Stage Left" break ups. You will leave him utterly confused and thinking WTF if you do it as you said. And if you don't answer when he calls/texts, it will just be the icing on the cake.


Thank you! I've thought about that all morning but have just kept thinking what a coward I would be to do that. I just really don't want to have to feel sorry for him and I know he'll try that on me!


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

There is a stark difference between already _having friends of the opposite sex_ and _*looking for friends of the opposite sex*_, especially when in a (supposedly) exclusive relationship. Anything he says to the contrary is utter and complete bullsh*t.

Seriously, there are better guys out there. Just kick him the curb and go get yourself an upgrade.


----------



## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> There is a stark difference between already _having friends of the opposite sex_ and _*looking for friends of the opposite sex*_, especially when in a (supposedly) exclusive relationship. Anything he says to the contrary is utter and complete bullsh*t.
> 
> Seriously, there are better guys out there. Just kick him the curb and go get yourself an upgrade.



That's EXACTLY what I was thinking and we talked about it at length and seemed to agree. Apparently I was talking to myself. :scratchhead:


----------



## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

Oh GAWD! I knew I wouldn't have a chance to take his dog back today and was planning on doing it tomorrow. Now he's texting me and saying how he hopes I'll love and want him forever and how much he loves what we share. I so badly want to just lay into him but I still have his dog and would have to see him again


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Ignore his attempts to contact you. 

As to why he's looking for others when you are "available" -- it's simple. He likes the thrill of doing something he's not supposed to. It's the lure of cheating.


----------



## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

I can't ignore him just yet. I still have his stupid dog and don't want him to know something's up till I take all of his stuff back to his house tomorrow.


----------



## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

I would bother giving him an explanation, he'll know why. 

You should let your kids know he was involved with something that went against you and your relationship views. It's a good opportunity to teach your kids about boundaries.


----------



## whattodoskidoo (Sep 13, 2013)

So I did it. Now I feel sick to my stomach. Why is it so hard even though I know he's a douche? :-(
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

