# Should I be concerned or not?



## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

Recently, my wife received a link from one of her girlfriends that brought her to a website that contained pics and videos of my best friend naked. We have both known him for awhile and are all pretty close. Her friend that sent the link told her what it was and what was in the link. Is it wrong of me to be upset that she looked knowing what the link contained?


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

How do you think your wife would have reacted if you knowingly looked at pics and videos of her best friend naked?


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Eyes wide open. But I wouldn't go off half cocked...so to speak. I'm sure you look at porn on your phone and such...Even prudes get the pass around "blue waffle" laugh and gag. But seriously, if it does irk you. You can ask her if she minds you looking at other girls that you guys know. It is kinda weird that a "friend" of yours has pics up on a site...Did you know about said pics? Or is this a recent thing?


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

Those were my words to her. Her response was that it wouldn’t bother her. I feel as if she won’t be able to truly relate until it kinda happened, ya know? I think I have a right to be upset because the link serves no other purpose other than showing him naked.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

This seems strange.

What kind of website is your best friend on that he's naked? That's my first question..

2nd question, did your wife tell you about it or did you find out about it on your own?


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

Barbed, so he was apparently on a site for cams. Neither of us knew about it. But her friend told her what the site contained and I don’t feel like it’s right to want to see your husbands friend jerking off and ****. And porn is different because you don’t have a personal relationship built with those people. This dude is a good friend and my wife has known him for years


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

Still fighting , she told me anger friend told her about the site, she didn’t disclose she had went to see till I asked and digged a bit


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Jckilo said:


> Barbed, so he was apparently on a site for cams. Neither of us knew about it. But her friend told her what the site contained and I don’t feel like it’s right to want to see your husbands friend jerking off and ****. And porn is different because you don’t have a personal relationship built with those people. This dude is a good friend and my wife has known him for years


Yes, this may seems small but could be very important. How did you find out that your wife looked at it? Did you look at it together, she tell you? What I'm getting at, is that it is not the greatest thing that she looked at it but if she told you she did, it makes it somewhat less of an offense. Like, hey Hunny, did you know (name) is on this website?


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

yeah, I'd be watching the phones a little more after that. Maybe clue in your friend that everyone he knows is watching him jack one off. He will probably take it down. Hopefully he would....

And of course you have the size issue to start things up again as well...Yeah, this is getting weird. So, how did you end up finding out about this. Did she come to you? OR did you find out by accident while friend and wifey are cruzin' the web?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Jckilo said:


> Still fighting , she told me anger friend told her about the site, she didn’t disclose she had went to see till I asked and digged a bit


I think you are within your rights to be upset about this and to talk to your wife about it.

After you have let her know you are upset, did she seem apologetic towards you? I would just say drop it if she was but the problem now, is that you guys will most likely have to interact with this dude. Any insecurity on your part, that she might be attracted to him on purely a physical level or is he a notch below you?


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I'm guessing your buddy has a large 'package'. Guessing if he didn't, those pics wouldn't be on the web. 

I'm guessing you don't like your wife knowing that. 

I understand. I probably wouldn't like that either.


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

So she said her friend told her all about it. She then told me she sent the link and this had all happened before she spoke to me. I asked if she clicked on the link bc to me, I feel like clicking to link shows curiosity and she shouldn’t want to see my friend naked. Then she told me she did. Even though she confessed to it, the curiousity aspect still worries me. It was a clear choice of hers to go look knowing what she was going to see


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

Sad Sam I am, the website is a website for cam girls and such.


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

Still fighting, she apologized that it upset me but she said I was being ridiculous for feeling that way and doesn’t feel that she did anything wrong


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Jckilo said:


> Still fighting, she apologized that it upset me but she said I was being ridiculous for feeling that way and doesn’t feel that she did anything wrong


So she didn't actually apologize ... "I'm sorry, BUT ..." Nope. Not an apology at all. Not. One. Bit.

ETA: She's sorry you feel the way YOU do. She's not sorry for what she did.


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

Prodigal, that’s how I see it.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Look, I get why you're upset. I do. It was dumb to click the link.

But you're still fighting....while your posting? You may want to ask if it warrants a HUGE ordeal. And dont go down the paranoid cheating rabbit hole either. 

She unwisely clicked a link. Make your displeasure clear and then move on. And definitely tell your friend. WTH is he thinking???


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

I don’t know how to reply on here lol, when I say still fighting I am replying to his post


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

i would ask her to see if you could look at nude pics of one of your mutual (hot) friends ?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

stro said:


> How do you think your wife would have reacted if you knowingly looked at pics and videos of her best friend naked?





Prodigal said:


> Jckilo said:
> 
> 
> > Still fighting, she apologized that it upset me but she said I was being ridiculous for feeling that way and doesn’t feel that she did anything wrong
> ...


Sadly ... Exactly this ^


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## Jckilo (Jul 6, 2018)

manfromlamancha said:


> i would ask her to see if you could look at nude pics of one of your mutual (hot) friends ?


Well if I feel the way I do, I would never intentionally want her to feel the same way


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

If you whine like a little ****, she will definitely lose respect for you. I would say my piece and then drop it. But keep your eyes open. If it is a continual thing, where she is constantly watching him toss a bead, then you are skirting infidelity. But not until then. Why upset your relationship in the interim. 

And Man was just pointing out that by asking HER if you can see her friends schlicking on a bed on cam, it was to point out how she would feel about it. If she doesn't care, you just learned something about boundaries with your wife. Not that you actually liked watching her friends play stink finger. But it gives you HER perspective. Now if she starts throwing up RED FLAGS as it goes on...

WHOLE NEW ENCHILADA


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Prodigal said:


> So she didn't actually apologize ... "I'm sorry, BUT ..." Nope. Not an apology at all. Not. One. Bit.
> 
> ETA: She's sorry you feel the way YOU do. She's not sorry for what she did.


This^^^

But, your W understands you are not ok with clicking links to naked best friends. 

However, keep vigilant as the curiosity to clink the link leads to more curiosity on of just what the friend is doing on the webcam(diddling himself). The clinking my not be over.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

This is cracking me up.

If my bestie sent me a link like that, I MIGHT click it for amusement, and I have zero desire for anyone but my hubby. I am not cheating, I have no "curiosity," and there's no need to check my phone. I'm sorry, if the doofus who dat behind us in Spanish turned up on a cam site, I'd find it funny andcringeworthy, and so would hubby. We might click once, then we'd scream, bleach our eyes, and move on.

All this "check her phone," VAR, DBA your kids paranoia is ridiculous.

You found it disrespectful. She should not ever do it again.

This is not some adultery flag.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

OP, if you'd been sent a link with one of her friends naked, I bet you'd be curious and click it. Not a big deal, IMO. I agree with @personofinterest on this.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Your situation is very awkward. Tell your friend what your wife had done & who sent that link. Your male friend is also an idiot to expose himself to the world. Your situation is definitely going to be very awkward in get togethers. By the way, your wife is not sorry at all, viewing your naked friend. She should have told you first & viewed this site together (if you were both curious, so that secrecy is not done).


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Jckilo said:


> Still fighting, she apologized that it upset me but she said I was being ridiculous for feeling that way and doesn’t feel that she did anything wrong


She was tempted and peeked. 

She is only sorry she told you and maybe she is not who you think she is? Did you ask her if the roles were reversed would she be upset that you peeked and then acted like so what?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

LOL

Be sure you DNA your kids, and you should hire a PI. Peeking at something her friend sent her is a sure fire sign she's part of a secret harem.

(Eye roll)


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I would dump the friend, meaning he will not be invited out where your wife will be there..
The problem is that your wife will not be able to unsee it.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

I have to think that 9 out of 10 straight men would click on that link...and that might be a conservative estimate....



manfromlamancha said:


> i would ask her to see if you could look at nude pics of one of your mutual (hot) friends ?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@RoseAglow" yes your estimate is conservative, 12 out 10 men would immediately click on that link.

And the OP is just being a cry baby. It is human nature. They said "curiosity killed the cat" but we humans are a lot more curious than a cat.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

I can't tell you how you should feel. I can only say it wouldn't bother me. I would be sort of a hypocrite if I got upset at that. Ron White has a bit about "once you've seen one pair of boobs, you wanna see the rest of them."

I mean if I got a link to see even some unattractive woman's nudes, yeah I would click it. Why not? I imagine woman get curious to see what a man is working with as well. "I wonder if he's packing?" Has certainly crossed the minds of many women. Even directed towards someone they don't think is attractive I'm sure.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Ok...so before I knew where you were going with your line of questioning I was reading along in your OP and when I got to the part about the link and that it was your guys' friend I was like, "Oh snnnnaaaaapppp!!!! I bet she clicked on that and her and her GF had a huge laugh."

Then I read the rest of your post and had a moment to actually think about it and I was like, "Oh crap, she shouldn't have clicked on that link." But truly, if my friend would have sent it to me, I would have probably clicked on it right then without weighing out any moral implications and then after I saw it thought, "You idiot, why would you do that, this is going to possibly upset DH". She may have done the same. 

Try to focus on the fact that she answered honestly about it, and that she told you the truth. She's a good person. That would have been a super easy little "white" lie. Try to let it go now honey.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If I found out that an attractive female acquaintance had appeared nude.... yes I'd look. I wouldn't go back and look a lot, certainly wouldn't cam or anything, but I think my curiosity would drive me insane if I didn't. 

I would completely understand if my wife did the same.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

personofinterest said:


> This is cracking me up.
> 
> If my bestie sent me a link like that, I MIGHT click it for amusement, and I have zero desire for anyone but my hubby. I am not cheating, I have no "curiosity," and there's no need to check my phone. I'm sorry, if the doofus who dat behind us in Spanish turned up on a cam site, I'd find it funny andcringeworthy, and so would hubby. We might click once, then we'd scream, bleach our eyes, and move on.
> 
> ...


I agree that this is not an adultery flag. However, it is a lack of boundary understanding flag which can lead to trouble later if it goes unchecked. It is a boundary for you that she should not have crossed and she needs to understand that. Should she have known that it would be a boundary on her own ? Probably. And therein might be the larger problem - the fact that she does not understand why it is a boundary.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Jckilo said:


> Well if I feel the way I do, I would never intentionally want her to feel the same way


The reason for saying this is that she needs to know and understand why it is a boundary for you. And the best way is to reverse the tables on her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> LOL
> 
> Be sure you DNA your kids, and you should hire a PI. Peeking at something her friend sent her is a sure fire sign she's part of a secret harem.
> 
> (Eye roll)


Yeah, because mocking the legit concerns of another TAM member and the advice of other experienced TAM members makes you look like Joe Cool, the hippest dude in the school.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Jckilo said:


> So she said her friend told her all about it. She then told me she sent the link and this had all happened before she spoke to me. I asked if she clicked on the link bc to me, I feel like clicking to link shows curiosity and she shouldn’t want to see my friend naked. Then she told me she did. Even though she confessed to it, the curiousity aspect still worries me. It was a clear choice of hers to go look knowing what she was going to see


I
If I were your wife, I'd friggen shoot myself.

You're acting like she drained your bank account, stole your car, and drove off to Mexico with a 25 year old cabana boy or something.

If I heard one of my husband's friends was on some site trying to sell his wares, I'd have to look too, completely out of curiosity and disbelief that he was actually _doing_ it. I'd do the *same thing *if it were a female friend on the website. Hell, I'd do it if it were my 3rd grade teacher just because it's too bizarre to pass up that kind of entertainment. Big damned deal.

And quite honestly, if a coworker told you that the blond in Accounting was selling her wares on a cam site and sent you the link,I don't believe for *ONE single second* that you wouldn't click that link and instead go running for your Bible. Gimme a freakin' break.

Whiny, insecure men are so unappealing.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

So you friend is much larger and you feel embarrassed?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You and your wife can have some fun with this - start thinking up some funny lines you can say to him the next time you see him in person. Nothing mean, just some good-natured ribbing. And, hope no one forwards the link to his mom or his boss.

So, your wife's friend is in the habit of browsing cam sites? Or, is she a participant?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > LOL
> ...


I should make it clear I am not mocking the OP. I doubt her having an affair even entered his mind. He is understandably upset that she clicked a link knowing it was the naked friend.

I'm referring to the brigade whose mantra is ALWAYS - always "she having an affair."

New Poster: My wife sneezed a lot today. I think she might be sick.

Those Guys: Nope! She's cheating with an ENT doc. Kick her to the curb!


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I should make it clear I am not mocking the OP. I doubt her having an affair even entered his mind. He is understandably upset that she clicked a link knowing it was the naked friend.
> 
> I'm referring to the brigade whose mantra is ALWAYS - always "she having an affair."
> 
> ...


 While I agree with a lot of what you post, and agree on this as well, your schtick is getting old. It's like bullying someone into keeping their thoughts to themselves because you don't agree with them. You also never come back to digress the times you've been proven wrong.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Jckilo said:


> Barbed, so he was apparently on a site for cams. Neither of us knew about it. But her friend told her what the site contained and I don’t feel like it’s right to want to see your husbands friend jerking off and ****. And porn is different because you don’t have a personal relationship built with those people. This dude is a good friend and my wife has known him for years


 @Jckilo 
Was the friend who sent your wife the link, the wife of the attention ***** cam dude?

Have you checked your wife's internet history to see how many times she has watched the video?

If she watched it once out of curiosity, no harm no foul, if she has been watching it repeatedly while you're at work, away, etc. THEN you may have a problem. I think just about anyone would click on the link of an opposite-sex friend nude just to see if it was actually legit, and the friend would actually do something like that. I would pay a little extra attention to her behavior when the attention ***** is around, but whatever you do DO NOT come off weak and "beggy". State your boundaries on this and be watchful to see if they are crossed. No biggy. Now she knows that's not cool, it shouldn't happen again.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Jckilo said:


> Still fighting, she apologized that it upset me but she said I was being ridiculous for feeling that way and doesn’t feel that she did anything wrong


 @Jckilo
In all likelihood she was just curious, and had a look. I think most people would do that. That being said however, a can of worms was opened that can’t be closed, and your wife has seen the sexual side of your friend that she shouldn’t have seen. It’s possible that she may never look at him in person again without getting the naked visual. 

My reaction would be that your wife should have limited to no personal contact with your friend from here on out. In fact, you may want to reconsider your whole friendship with this guy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Jckilo said:


> Those were my words to her. Her response was that it wouldn’t bother her. I feel as if she won’t be able to truly relate until it kinda happened, ya know? I think I have a right to be upset because the link serves no other purpose other than showing him naked.


Of course she would say that she wouldn't mind. 

OP, I am with you, I would feel upset as well.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

Only one thing to do: 

Makeup sex. 

Hard, hot, transforming makeup sex.

Put her in a orgasm coma so she'll forget you were whining like a little millennial *****.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

It's not really appropriate but I could see clicking if I was curious. You probably would if it was one of her girlfriends and it would be understandable if she was upset about it. Just keep an eye out. Also take the opportunity to have a few laughs. You don't have to be intimidated by it, I don't care if any of my friends was a foot long, them being a sex worker would provide so much material I would only end up as hilarious. How could I be intimidated by that. Seriously if my wife wants that he can have her.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

I can see both sides of it... however there is no need for mockery when someone is seeking advice.

Perhaps it just confirmation bias, but to me it seems that it is mostly (not all) men that are mocked for their concerns. If belittling people is how people deal with things they don't agree with, it doesn't surprise me that they might have issues in their own marriages. 

No one is perfect, least of all me, but when people are asking for support and guidance; provide support, guidance, a respectful yet differing opinion, or a little bit of levity. However when all you have to contribute if mockery or ridicule its best to abstain as it does not contribute to the core purpose of this forum.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

In this instance I personally prefer a differing perspective with a bit of levity...

OP, I can see where you are coming from. 

If it makes you feel any better.... odds are 90-99% of the people that are paying to see your friends Cam are dudes and he undoubtably knows it.... so no matter how "interested" your wife might be from seeing his images... he's most likely not interested... in her


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

****It told me it couldn't post my original because it was a duplicate post.... so I refreshed and it wasn't there, I reposted.... and it was there.... now it really was a dupe.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

When someone comes here saying their wife "works late," hides her phone, gets defensive about GNO, showers after grocery shopping 2 hours, or spends all her time online closing the window when someone walks by....

MY first thought is: AFFAIR

If she clicks a link her friend sent her, probably sent with an emoticon and "LMAO," I think she was curious and unwisely clicked a link on impulse.

If one cannot make the distinction between the two scenarios, perhaps one is projecting or a bit jaded.


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## HDC (Nov 8, 2017)

On one hand I can see being slightly upset that your wife saw your friends junk....on purpose no less. On the other.....if a friend of mine sent me a link of a woman that I personally knew naked and double clicking her mouse, I would have to check that out whether she was attractive or not. ( Okay I would watch twice just to know it was real). I think this will become a distant memory shortly.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

I think most people would click on it. The problem is that it's not some stranger she doesn't know, it's a guy she has access to. Did watching this guy not just naked but in a very sexual act, plant a desire in her? 

I know if it was reversed with a video of her best friend masturbating, your wife would rightly be upset because she knows that as a man, you're very likely to lust and not look at the woman the same.


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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

I don't think you have grounds to be upset. Was this friend having an affair or something or did someone snap in photo without his knowledge while showering? What is this photo of? Why are you upset, upset that she saw him naked and apparently wanted to see, upset that your friends "rights" were violated? What is your angle?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Look, I get why you're upset. I do. It was dumb to click the link.
> 
> But you're still fighting....while your posting? You may want to ask if it warrants a HUGE ordeal. And dont go down the paranoid cheating rabbit hole either.
> 
> She unwisely clicked a link. Make your displeasure clear and then move on. And definitely tell your friend. WTH is he thinking???


The problem is that she said she wanted to see his friend naked. 

How long has she wanted to see him naked?

Had she talked to her friend about seeing her husband’s friend naked?

Is that why her friend sent her the link when she found it?

Sorry but she has no remorse for in away cheating on her husband. No she didn’t send any pics to him that we no of. But she definitely jumped at the chance to get off watching her husband’s friend get off. 

Would she had watched if the OM did it in front of her?

I believe Jckilo has to worry about his wife cheating now and in the future. If she hasn’t already done so. She was to eager to see the friend.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

My lord!!! @ABHale. She's now cheating on her husband? What's wrong with some people? Paranoia, I guess.


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## JoannaG (Apr 19, 2016)

I would have clicked the link too.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

So here is a guy how asks “Should I be concerned”.

His wife watches their long time friend naked and getting himself off. 

Then she tells OP that she wanted to see him naked. Not that she was curious but actually wanted to see him naked. 

If she came back to him and said I’m sorry I was just curious then no problems. 

She did not do that. She actually said “so what, I wanted to see him naked so I watched. I don’t care how you feel but sorry it upset you”.

So what’s the difference between this and sexting with the friend? I’m sure he would have sent it straight to her if she asked. 

This is a family friend not so random stranger off the internet. OP has to interact with this guy and pretend nothing has happened or cut ties with the guy.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I would cut ties with the guy and see how your wife takes it. Don’t say anything to her. Just let him know he is no longer welcome at your home. 

Then wait to see if your wife goes ape **** over it before the next get together.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

ABHale said:


> The problem is that she said she wanted to see his friend naked.
> 
> How long has she wanted to see him naked?
> 
> ...


Let me womansplain:

When she said "I wanted to see him naked," here is what she meant:
Once I realized the link was some doofus we know, I just had to look.

Here's what it did NOT mean:
"I've always dreamed about seeing Joe naked."

Now I get it. A. You're a man B. You are a man on a forum so you are predisposed to think all people with vaginas are probably cheating, have cheated, or surely will cheat. It's a common......philosophy

But there is ZERO evidence this woman did anything but click a stupid link. Yeah, it was dumb. Yeah, she should have told her hubby about the link, and if they were curious they could click together.

But this is ridiculous. This thread is the best illustration I have ever seen of when cynicism, projection, and TheRedPill/MGTOW collide.

Frankly, it's embarrassing.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> My lord!!! @ABHale. She's now cheating on her husband? What's wrong with some people? Paranoia, I guess.


I never said she was. I love how some people put words in others just to prove their point of view.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

I just thought she could be cheating or might in the future. 

Their are to many on TAM that has gone through being cheated on not to think it’s a possibility. I have no desire to see any of my wife’s friends naked, even though I find the female form beautiful. It crosses a line when the object of desire is a family friend and it is acted upon.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Let me womansplain:
> 
> When she said "I wanted to see him naked," here is what she meant:
> Once I realized the link was some doofus we know, I just had to look.
> ...


I am just going off of OP’s wife saying, I wanted to see him naked. We don’t know how long she has wanted this. It could be at that moment or a long time desire. 

I’m just saying that OP should keep his eyes open.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Jckilo, did your wife watch the video to the end or stop when she saw what it was and what he was doing?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

ABHale said:


> I am just going off of OP’s wife saying, I wanted to see him naked. We don’t know how long she has wanted this. It could be at that moment or a long time desire.
> 
> I’m just saying that OP should keep his eyes open.


And I'm just saying, in the CONTEXT of what she said, 99% of women - of which his wife is one - would mean, "when I saw there was a link I just had to see it (giggle giggle)."

Men and women think differently. I think I am likely more right about what another woman thinks that you are.

But by all means, let's all get on the "she dreams about him and is waiting to cheat/has cheated/ DNA your kids" wagon.

Again

Like always


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

Now, if the roles were reversed and we had a man watching POI's best friend naked jerkin' and yerkin'. I'm about as serious as a heart attack that such "understanding" would not take place.....All would need to be found is the multiple threads of hubbys and boyfriends caught with porn and such.....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Anyone who opens an unknown link is crazy. So many viruses about in these links now. 

We get lots of dodgy links sent to us, neither of us ever opens them. IF we don't know what they are and who sent them they get deleted.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

I'm sorry to hear about your wife's behavior. I think you have a serious boundary problem including poor judgement that will set the tone for the remainder of your marriage. It's especially tough where she thinks it's not a problem. You can teach boundaries but it's tough to teach core values (which she appears to be lacking). I think you're close to discovering a deal breaker about your wife's character (when mixed with her friends).

Did you check out the link yourself or is this all hearsay.What exactly did she look at? 
Photos? How many pics and what poses? or a video of him masturbating. 
If a video, was it real time?

I think your wife's interest in porn is inappropriate - especially because she knows the guy (and she should know better) which implies she has a personal interest in him. Since she feels she did nothing wrong....would she be willing to share her behavior with your church or family? 

I think this could be the first step to sexting with him or someone else. 
Has she agreed to stop? Now she's going underground so you have an ongoing trust issue.

I also think that you and your wife should agree to have nothing to do with this guy (zero contact ...he's trouble).
Maybe she should stop being friends with the woman that sent her the link .... this 'friend' is a threat to your marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Robert22205 said:


> I'm sorry to hear about your wife's behavior. I think you have a serious boundary problem including poor judgement that will set the tone for the remainder of your marriage. It's especially tough where she thinks it's not a problem. You can teach boundaries but it's tough to teach core values (which she appears to be lacking). I think you're close to discovering a deal breaker about your wife's character (when mixed with her friends).
> 
> Did you check out the link yourself or is this all hearsay.What exactly did she look at?
> Photos? How many pics and what poses? or a video of him masturbating.
> ...


What a refreshing post. :smile2:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

BarbedFenceRider said:


> Now, if the roles were reversed and we had a man watching POI's best friend naked jerkin' and yerkin'. I'm about as serious as a heart attack that such "understanding" would not take place.....All would need to be found is the multiple threads of hubbys and boyfriends caught with porn and such.....


If someone sent hubby a link of an old high school female classmate and he opened it.....

I'd ask to see it

Then we'd probably laugh/gross out/be shocked together

If he had no history of cheating, deception, or chronic porn use, then I would be an overreacting, paranoid, and honestly quite whiny wife for making it into anything other than curiosity.

Since I do not project my past betrayal and the unhealed bitterness issues onto everyone with a penis, I wouldn't suddenly suspect he was cheating or had a secret fantasy for Miss former cheerleader

Because rational, objective adult

But if presuming to know how every female thinks helps you feel better about your own assumptions, feel free

It's small minded, but hey, that is what the internet is for, apparently


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> What a refreshing post. :smile2:


Wow, I have never encountered so many people who have never stepped a toe out of line ever in my life.

"Sets the tone for the rest of the marriage?" Really??? One click???


Good lord please don't ever let me be this jaded.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Like I said before if she viewed it once out of curiosity no biggie. If she saved it and has watched it over and over then there's a problem. I still wouldn't be too keen on having that friend around. As someone said earlier the wife will only see naked friend from now on at every gathering.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Like I said before if she viewed it once out of curiosity no biggie. If she saved it and has watched it over and over then there's a problem. I still wouldn't be too keen on having that friend around. As someone said earlier the wife will only see naked friend from now on at every gathering.


EXACTLY

If she watched it repeatedly - GIANT problem

And friend needs to go.

But this whole: the fact that she clicked a link once means she has cheated and her core values are hopeless blah blah

is stupid

Yes, stupid


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@ABHale: then what does this mean: "Sorry but she has no remorse for in away cheating on her husband."


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

I would ask the OP to check the phone out....How many other "links" has the friend sent? What is the history of this friend? 

After all, the road to hell in paved with good intentions and all....

Do I think she is blantantly cheating? Probably not. But would I be remiss not putting my ear to the ground and start paying attention? Hell yeah! 

Also, the callous statement of she thinks he is overreacting to this is screaming entitlement. When does his concern warrant ANY merit and consideration? To me, THAT is the slippery slope. Obviously, OP had this hit him from left field. He reacted to it and created a thread. If this was a normal everyday nasty pic that goes around, why start the thread and why react? I cannot see the exact events that unfolded, but get a picture from what OP stated. And that deserves conversation to say the least. Just because women in general are good at hiding infidelity, doesn't mean it doesn't happen....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Wow, I have never encountered so many people who have never stepped a toe out of line ever in my life.
> 
> "Sets the tone for the rest of the marriage?" Really??? One click???
> 
> ...


Its good to have boundaries for how we behave. If that's 'jaded' then so be it.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > Wow, I have never encountered so many people who have never stepped a toe out of line ever in my life.
> ...


Because there's no middle ground between no boundaries at all and clicking a link=no core values.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rob_1 said:


> @ABHale: then what does this mean: "Sorry but she has no remorse for in away cheating on her husband."


Did the OP say she gas cheated or another poster?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@personofinterest: no @ABHale made the statement to which I responded with this statement:

@ABHale She's now cheating on her husband? What's wrong with some people? Paranoia, I guess.

Then he stated that That's not what he meant. That I was putting words in his mouth, or something like that.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> If someone sent hubby a link of an old high school female classmate and he opened it.....
> 
> I'd ask to see it
> 
> ...


We aren’t talking about a individual from the past. This is a mutual very present day friend. 

Again all I am says is for the OP to keep his eyes open.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Rob_1 said:


> @personofinterest: no @ABHale made the statement to which I responded with this statement:
> 
> @ABHale She's now cheating on her husband? What's wrong with some people? Paranoia, I guess.
> 
> Then he stated that That's not what he meant. That I was putting words in his mouth, or something like that.


I never said “she is cheating”. I said some would consider what she did as cheating. 

I also said Jckilo should keep his eyes open. 

So yes, you have misunderstood or misrepresented what I said. 

Paranoid, not in the least. Never been cheated on as far as I know. 

As for the what’s wrong with people, the list is too long to post here.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Did the OP say she gas cheated or another poster?


Some people consider sexting as cheating. This isn’t really that different. It involves someone they see on a regular basis. 

People consider receiving nude pics from a coworker as cheating. How is this any different.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> Did the OP say she gas cheated or another poster?


 ABHale said "Sorry but she has no remorse for in away cheating on her husband”. This contains a typo since from the context “in away cheating” was suppose to be “in a way cheating”. Saying “in a way” opens up the definition enough that in the eyes of many could cover what the wife did.

Is it enough to divorce over? Not to me. Is it enough to be pissed at? To me yes. Is the wife’s dismissive attitude about it enough that the OP has a right to be concerned? Definitely.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> And I'm just saying, in the CONTEXT of what she said, 99% of women - of which his wife is one - would mean, "when I saw there was a link I just had to see it (giggle giggle)."


The site the OP’s wife went to would clearly be classified as a porn site meant to sexually excite viewers, not make them laugh. Video’s of naked people masterbating is a regular staple of porn sites because it gets viewers off. In this CONTEXT your “giggle giggle” comment is absurd.

What makes porn relatively safe is that the viewer does not know the naked person in the video in real life. The OP’s cause for concern is legitimate since this porn has crossed over to involving a person that she regularly has in her home.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Whatever. But in reality it is "too much ado about nothing" with the added input of a lot of posters in this site that by the time this threat is over the poor OP's wife will already be a serial cheater who enjoys gang-bangs.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

If this happened to me, I would be upset and jealous because it would expose some insecurity on my part. My question for my wife would be, "Is this anything more than the curiosity of a healthy sexual appetite with a side dish of taboo because we know this guy or does it mean something more to you than that?" If the answer is the former, I would ask for a little extra reassurance to soothe my irrational insecurity. If the answer is the latter, we might have bigger problems that this event has exposed.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

PigglyWiggly said:


> My question for my wife would be, "Is this anything more than the curiosity of a healthy sexual appetite with a side dish of taboo because we know this guy or does it mean something more to you than that?"


The problem with that question is that if the answer is “it means something more to me than that”, she may not admit it.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

TRy said:


> The site the OP’s wife went to would clearly be classified as a porn site meant to sexually excite viewers, not make them laugh. Video’s of naked people masterbating is a regular staple of porn sites because it gets viewers off. In this CONTEXT your “giggle giggle” comment is absurd.
> 
> What makes porn relatively safe is that the viewer does not know the naked person in the video in real life. *The OP’s cause for concern is legitimate since this porn has crossed over to involving a person that she regularly has in her home*.


That's what makes the OPs concerns a different issue than just an insecure spouse. This is a close friend that this couple hangs out with. 

After watching the video of this guy performing a sex act, how is she not going to see him in a different way. I highly doubt that she won't see him in a sexual way now. 

I'm sure If I saw a video of one of my wife's close friends, doing a masturbation scene, that's good enough to be on a porn site, that I would likely lust after her when she came over the house. There's no way to erase those images from the mind.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

PigglyWiggly said:


> If this happened to me, I would be upset and jealous because it would expose some insecurity on my part. My question for my wife would be, "Is this anything more than the curiosity of a healthy sexual appetite with a side dish of taboo because we know this guy or does it mean something more to you than that?" If the answer is the former, I would ask for a little extra reassurance to soothe my irrational insecurity. If the answer is the latter, we might have bigger problems that this event has exposed.





TRy said:


> The problem with that question is that if the answer is “it means something more to me than that”, she may not admit it.


*MAY* not? How about *WILL* not.
I'd be astounded if she did admit that. She's going to say the former/first no matter what the truth is.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Jckilo said:


> Recently, my wife received a link from one of her girlfriends that brought her to a website that contained pics and videos of my best friend naked. We have both known him for awhile and are all pretty close. Her friend that sent the link told her what it was and what was in the link. *Is it wrong of me to be upset that she looked knowing what the link contained?*


*Nothing that a sit-down, eye-to-eye contact, "heart to heart" talk to her wouldn't help out with!*


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

"The site the OP’s wife went to would clearly be classified as a porn site meant to sexually excite viewers, not make them laugh. Video’s of naked people masterbating is a regular staple of porn sites because it gets viewers off. In this CONTEXT your “giggle giggle” comment is absurd."
If you think women haven't giggled at porn, you're an idiot.

Sorry, you're wrong.


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## Lingeric (Jun 18, 2018)

Both of you can watch it no problem. But don't get addicted. All the best!


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