# D Papers being served this week - Feels like it's moving too fast



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

My final divorce papers will be sent this week. Everything is wrapped up and moving forward. After he signs we will have our court date and just start the wait for the end. I know it's crazy but now I feel like I have moved too fast. We separated in January and I had him served with the Separation Agreement by February. I have been pushing ahead pretty fast. Part of me feels like I haven't given him enough time to even think about what he has really done or escape the fog. Is it natural to feel this way and have second thoughts?

The day that I signed my divorce papers was my 10th wedding anniversary. I didn't plan it that way it was the only day that my attorney could get me in. Needless to say that day was pure hell. I backslid quite a bit. I ended up texting him and telling him that I still love him and would be willing to forgive if he wants to work on our marriage. Of course what I got in return was the same old song and dance about how he has been miserable for years.

I finally broke down this week because his being "miserable for years" was really eating away at my insides. I honestly thought that by "years" he meant 5 - 10 years. I finally pushed him to tell me how many years and he said "really just the past few". I was baffled by that. I said "you are actually willing to toss away 14 years for a few years of being unhappy especially when during that time you had a job you hated. And because you didn't even come to me to see if I could help you work through the issues." He said he doesn't think it's right to stay in a miserable marriage out of obligation and give up his happiness. His happiness is being with the other woman BTW. I told him his happiness would be short lived and end when the "new' wears off. He assured me that I am wrong and that his happiness will not be short lived.

I guess I just don't get it. Don't most normal marriages go through ebbs and tides? The goal is to be open and work through them together? I guess I am just totally baffled that he is willing to toss away a long standing relationship for his "happiness" when he didn't even bring up or try to fix things at home.

Is it absolutely horrible of me to want to see this blow up in his face? To see his current state of bliss come crashing down on his head. And I have suddenly felt this surge of anger and would love to drag this woman out of her house by her hair. She was married and KNEW he was married. What kind of woman is this???

Sorry for my rant. I am backsliding. After our conversation he had the nerve to say "I thought we were making progress and now you are acting crazy again." Keep in mind his idea of progress is completely ignoring what he has done and me being robotically civil to him. What an ass.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

You do realize that their relationship only has a 3% chance of working out in the long term..so no fret he will not stay with her long term.

I totally get where you are coming from and that is why I at times get so mad at H, I want to kick him out, then I get scared thinking but I still want the marriage. 

What you are saying about her knowing he was married, exactly the same thoughts I have about my H's EA. Just realize that his bliss will not last...and chances are by that point you will not want him back anyway.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi unsure sorry you are here I think you are doing the right thing and take care of yrself 
Any major decision you are always going to question if you are doing the right thing and I agree the grass is nevergreener on the otherside its just a matter of time before the fantasy wears off etc take care of yrself do some hobbies or discover New hobbies like riding a bike jogging exercise etc and take care of yr kids if you have any their are decent people out their who would not treat you like yr soon to be ex is 

Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Of course you are deeply hurt that he would cast aside his marriage for her. The biggest difference between the two is that his relationship with her is untested by reality.

People still snore, leave their dirty dishes lying about, forget to fill the gas tank, and pay the bills late. People in affairs have the privilege of avoiding all that stuff but it catches up to them eventually.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Thanks iheart. I agree. And I also feel duped. It's crazy to me how cold and emotionless he is to me after 14 years. Like none of it mattered.

He wants to be friends. Is that even possible? From where I sit I can't imagine that I will ever want to be his friend. That would be like slamming your hand in a car door and then going back and doing it again. And how in the hell is he at a place where he even wants to be friends? For me it's so raw that I can't imagine it. For him it really is like nothing has happened.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

The fact that he thinks he can remain friends with you is just one more sign that his brain is being eaten by zombies. He has just enough brain cells left to move his mouth and say profoundly hurtful things to you.

I'm sorry, but I suspect he is going to crash and burn sooner than most. The telltale signs are there--the fact that he thinks the way to handle problems in a relationship is to abandon one and enter another. Well, we know how that fairytale is going to end.

Stop communicating with him except by written word or a neutral intermediary. Spending any time with him now is just giving him permission to wound you more and more. Get the hell away from him.

I apologize for not knowing the answer to this--have you exposed the affair to his family?


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

I was doing a great job with no communication and then his grandfather passed away. We texted about it and I sent flowers on behalf of him, myself and our daughter. That was a little over a week ago. Then our 10th anniversary hit and I continued to back slide. I am now digging my heels back in and ending all communication with him.

I did expose his affair to him Mom but only through email. I haven't had much communication with her so I am sure he has sugar coated it and turned it into one massive lie. He is apparently very skilled in that area.

And I am totally baffled that he thinks we can be friends. He told me that he has been compliant to everything I have asked for including leaving my name as the dedication in his upcoming book release. The book was finished and the dedication written before he started his affair with this OW. It's dedicated to me" For my wife, unsure2621, for her undying love and support."

And he maintains that he has been nothing but nice and compliant this whole time and that I am the one that has been acting hateful and crazy. Well yeah - a little - you did screw around and abandon me. Sorry for feeling!! And he just can't fathom why I can't be civil and accept his offer of friendship.

And I agree. His brain has gone to complete mush over this woman. He is really and truly in deep. And I can't fathom what he sees in her. I really can't. But she makes him "happy". Happy enough to throw it all away. Her existence is really starting to piss me off.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

No one can make another person happy. That is the responsibility of each one of us. Hopefully he will learn this lesson in spades when the OW one day tells him that her happiness is being with another man.


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