# Confused...need advice!!



## Lov'nLife (Mar 31, 2010)

I am in my mid 30's mother of 2. My husband and I have been going through a rocky patch recently and things are not as good as we would like them to be. 
That being said.....my husband was asked to go out with his friend (boys night) and my friend invited me to go dancing with her on the same night. The babysitter was booked and everything was ready to go. 
Now...his plans have fallen through and he wants me to stay home. 
I feel guilty because I still want to go out, but he is upset with me because I have been out dancing with my friend before and he says we stay out too late. 
On one side, I want to stay home with him because the babysitter is still booked, but on the other hand, I still want to go out....any suggestions???


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

It's good for couples to do their own thing sometimes. I have boys nights, my wife has girls nights. I DO sometimes worry about her being out without me and staying out too late, but that is MY issue not hers. She deserves some time to have fun with her friends too, but she also has to be responsible with it too.

Could you still go out, but come home with enough time to spend some time with your H? Or could he possibly go out dancing with you since the babysitter is still booked?


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## Lov'nLife (Mar 31, 2010)

Dryden:
Thank you, I agree with you. The problem is that we don't leave until 10pm and usually come home for 2am. My friend is recently divorced which causes some concern for my husband, but she and I like to dance and have fun together. My husband does not like to dance; he prefers to stand within an arms reach.


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## Dryden (Jan 5, 2010)

Lov'nLife said:


> Dryden:My friend is recently divorced which causes some concern for my husband.


*This* I can understand. The one friend that my wife likes to go out with was recently divorced and a bit of a 'cougar' if you ask me. So I was constantly worried that she would be a 'bad influence' on my wife and would get her in trouble with other guys hitting on them. Part of it was my own issue of worrying that I was not good enough for her and that she'd find someone more interesting.

Perhaps some 'reassurance' before you leave or an 'Extra Special' wake up call for him the next morning could help?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Lov'nLife said:


> On one side, I want to stay home with him because the babysitter is still booked, but on the other hand, I still want to go out....any suggestions???


 I think , since you are going through a rough patch in your marraige, if he is asking you to stay this one night, I think it would be a good idea, just to show him he means more to you than your friends & your marraige comes first. 

If you really really really want to go & might feel a tad of resentment for giving this up, then at the very least, like Dryden suggested, promise him the world when you wake up the next morning. Give him something to look forward too -while you are out and he is waiting for your return.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

Why don't the two of you go do something together.


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## Lov'nLife (Mar 31, 2010)

Thanks to both of you, I really appreciate your words. 

Dryden: Yes...my husband feels the same way about my friend as you do about your wife's. And yes, I know my husband feels abit insecure at times. That being said, your suggestion of some 'reassurance' and a 'wake up call' sounds like great ideas! There will no complaints with those!! 
SimplyAmorous: my husband and I just got back from a weekend away together and that time together definitely helped. thanks again for your help!


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## Lov'nLife (Mar 31, 2010)

Mike188 said:


> Why don't the two of you go do something together.


My husband doesn't like to dance and I feel bad about stiffing my friend.


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## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

Out dancing 'till 2AM with a recently divorced cougar smells of trouble. Do you give full dosclosure to your husband on these nights out? Tell him about all of the men that hit on you? Tell him who you flirted with? Who you danced with? Who you partied with? Who you plan to hook up with next time you go out? You know, all of those unspoken behaviors he's afraid to ask you about for fear of seeming insecure.

Your husband maynot like to dance, but he may not like your interactions with strange men either.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You are not married to your friend. 

You are not trying to fix your marriage to your friend.

You will not be spending (hopefully) the rest of your life with your friend.

You have a babysitter. Go out with your husband and prove to him that he is #1 in your life.

Sorry, but that's what marriage is - putting your spouse ahead of your friends. If she's a real friend, she will understand. If she doesn't understand, she's using you.


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## Lov'nLife (Mar 31, 2010)

cody5 said:


> Out dancing 'till 2AM with a recently divorced cougar smells of trouble. Do you give full dosclosure to your husband on these nights out? Tell him about all of the men that hit on you? Tell him who you flirted with? Who you danced with? Who you partied with? Who you plan to hook up with next time you go out? You know, all of those unspoken behaviors he's afraid to ask you about for fear of seeming insecure.
> 
> Your husband maynot like to dance, but he may not like your interactions with strange men either.


I should have explained things alittle more. My friend is also my boss and she and I have set rules for what is acceptable and while yes, it's nice to know that I am attractive to the opposite sex, I never play that game. We don't 'party'...we listen to a live band and dance at a local bar in our neighbourhood.


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## Lov'nLife (Mar 31, 2010)

turnera said:


> You are not married to your friend.
> 
> You are not trying to fix your marriage to your friend.
> 
> ...


Funny how thinngs change because before HIS plans fell thru, he put his friend before me.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yes, but YOU are here, learning how to make your marriage better. That puts the onus on you, for now. (but it also makes you more admirable; own it!)


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You can always go out with your boss/friend. You will only have so many opportunities like this - changed plans, babysitter on board, able to 'choose' him over friend to help him feel loved - to try to fix your marriage, before it becomes unfixable.


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## Lov'nLife (Mar 31, 2010)

Well....ladies and gentlemen, I have made the decision and will be staying home with the husband.


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## Lov'nLife (Mar 31, 2010)

thanks everyone for your advice...I really appreciate it. I can't wait for my next dilemma!!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If you have a sitter, why are the two of you staying home? Get out for a movie and/or dinner!! Dance another time. I agree that this is too good an opportunity for couples' time (unless you already have lots of that). If that is the case, then drag him dancing--so what if he doesn't dance, he can still have fun.


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