# Thank you River, update, didn't want to hijack :)



## mrmagoo (Feb 21, 2012)

River1977 said:


> First thing.............
> 
> Women marry their father because she becomes like his child. He treats her like a child, and she acts like his child. Obviously, the saying doesn't apply to every single woman on the planet, but it is safe to assert this is mainly true of young women - young women who marry young men, and most especially young women who marry older men. Young women don't know any better because they've not yet turned into their own person. This is something that happens upon maturity. Usually, by her late 20s or early 30s, women begin to smell themselves and become more confident in themselves and more aware of their own needs, their own desires, and their own abilities. A woman gains a much higher and more enlightened sense of self. In a lot of cases, older women look back on their younger selves and can't believe how naive, if not stupid, they were back then. If nothing else, their older self realizes they neither need nor want their husband's constant guidance as if she is incapable, nor his constant criticisms as if she is not qualified, nor his limited opinion of her. She reaches the age where she's learned to rely on herself and not him, and she refuses to allow the opinion and treatment of her husband to determine her identity or her worth. She prefers to share a happy married life of mutual respect or begin over again with someone who shows her respect and didn't know her during those years that she knew nothing more than to rely on a man as if he were her father.
> .


This is incredibly sage stuff right here. I believe this is where my wife is right now. Seems like all the giddy feelings and butterflies and things have gone for us. I didn't detect this change happening very well, I wasn't very attentive I guess you could say, sure, I had my reasons, do they matter? No... It hit me like a ton of bricks one day when she told me she'd changed and wants us to be a more mature, less co-dependent type of couple while simultaneously me paying more attention to her. Accomplishing both of these at the same time is kind of daunting ie being more attentive and less clingy. Shes looking for a man, strength, someone totally non dependent on her. Is kind of strange because I have to adapt too, which I have done but I really think she changed/grew much more than me (could be seen as growing apart maybe). Sometimes I do still want that girl that would look deep into my eyes and really adore me but thats not today and you can't go back. I am adapting fine and I do think it's working but I guess we all eventually decide, is this new and different scenario what we want. It is all very confusing but the relationship does seem new in several ways, like I finally am having to grow up sort of. Hard to describe. Today my daughter asked if we were still married because we haven't worn rings in so long, that made me sad/sorry for my part in breaking our marriage but I do think is rebuilding.


----------



## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

Oh wow, MrMagoo, thanks so much for posting to me. I'm really glad that I was able to help you understand your wife a little better.

I must warn you though, this probably is not her last growth spurt. What I mean is, a woman enters into her prime of life somewhere between the ages of 30 and 50 - some women in their 30s (32 for me) and some women in their 40s. By 50, it surely has already happened, and she's on her way to yet another growth spurt, which is menopause. A woman's prime of life can be described as her reaching her peak. Online Dictionary describes it as "_the time of maturity when power and vigor are greatest_." This is a time she reaches her sexual prime (so look out LOL) and everything that I described in your quote is magnified and compounded by 2 or 10 or 100, depending on the woman. In other words, she becomes very confident and believes she can conquer world. It was a wonderful few years for me.

I don't know your wife's age, so I'm not quite sure where she is exactly but wherever she is, I'd like you to try to count it as all good. I understand you're feeling a little left behind, but you can catch up and be every bit the man she needs you to be. I've no doubt you've heard on these boards about Married Man Sex Life Primer and the Alpha/Beta/Gamma male traits. Read Athol Kay's book and you can start here on his website. You really don't have to feel like you're struggling to keep up with her, and you don't have to wonder if you're succeeding. You can simply become a stronger and more confident man who knows how to attract and how to handle his woman. Don't worry as much about what she says. I'm not saying ignore her, but you need to know for yourself what a woman needs in a man. Otherwise, the backward cartwheels you flip will never satisfy her requirements because you won't know everything she is asking for....and neither will she. She recognizes she needs it. She doesn't know what "it" is necessarily. And, don't forget your needs are important too, so don't hesitate to assert yourself.

Put your ring back on and hand her hers.


----------



## mrmagoo (Feb 21, 2012)

Thank you. She just turned 40. I am realizing that so much of this is normal and natural, like an earthquake perhaps.  Anywho, yes yes, sexually it is very tough to keep up although I sure enjoy trying.  One of her friends told me in a candid moment that I really need to toughen up, man up, and get strong. Treat her firmly she told me, and that doesn't mean to be mean; but more behaving with conviction and lack of hesitation whether it be where we going to eat tonight or any other seemingly inconsequential thing. No waffling, no debating and struggling etc... Interestingly enough, my confidence makes me more attractive to everyone I come into contact, no not just women, but even men, coworkers etc are more receptive to engage with someone that is not a scaredy cat! However ya spell that. LOL. Taking charge, whoa, people find that very endearing provided you're not an a$$ or arrogant. It's a fine line. Humble- yet in charge- in control of my own person. Leadership. Crazily, when I read the last line about the rings, it made me tear up, not something I would do around her!  Profound. I can't really describe the knowledge and personal power I have gained from some of these postings. Yes, have taken a beating when was called for and have dished some out too but what a great site this is. I have gleaned nuggets from here, coupled with my meetings with my shrink that have levelled me out so much, not to mention the wellbutrin. Will say you guys (women)are tough because you constantly move the goal post but that is life, seems like someone said if you're too comfortable, you're doing something wrong or something to that extent. Thank you thank you thank you


----------

