# One step close to divorce and wife asked for new baby?



## Edu101410

My wife doesnt love my anymore as before because I hurt her many times and I caused that according to her. But I never hurt her intentionally. I love her and feel bad about all this. We have 2 kids, 10 and 15 yo. Wife cannt accept they started being independent and don't want to be with mom anymore. After 2nd kid she told me to get the basectomy so I did but she kept asking for 3rd kid all the time which I always said NO, I'm done. After last conversation she said she won't divorce "now" because she doesn't want kids go through all that mess. She has been affected really bad because older daughter prefers her friends rather than mom and youngest is growing too fast and started in the same way earlier. She is feeling alone. She asked me again for third kid as a solution, but after reading a lot I couldn't find any clue that tells me "yes", that could be a solution. My five is 44 and I need to think very fast if I end up making a decision like this. I don't know if this will make just my wife make happy so she doesn't feel alone anymore and won't help our marriage at all. I need an urgent advice. I don't want to be irresponsible and bring a new baby just to "try" to see if wife loves me as before.


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## Mr.Married

I have heard on here and seen in real life this completely insane notion that woman think having a child will repair things. I’m more like ..... WTF ?????


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## jonty30

No. She's trying to tie you down for another 18 years. If she's not willing to work on the relationship with you, the worst thing to do is to be tied down for the next 18 years unnecessarily. 

Tell her that you want to work with her, but you're going to wait at least 6 months to see where you guys are at in your relationship.


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## D0nnivain

Your wife has issues. Do not help her to create a whole new person just so she doesn't feel alone. That would be so cruel to the baby. Unless you are bringing the baby into a happy, healthy, stable situation, do not have another kid.


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## bobert

Your wife needs a therapist. What's she going to do when hypothetical child #3 grows up and wants nothing to do with her? Adopt a baby at 55-60 years old? Be a very overbearing grandmother after that? She obviously has issues, and we all do, but she could really benefit from working on those issues. The solution is NOT another baby. 

It's your choice if you want to stay until the kids turn 18, but you need to be firm that another baby isn't going to happen.

Anyways... Vasectomy reversals are not guaranteed and are _very_ expensive. They are most effective when done soon after the original procedure. So if it has been a while, your chances are even lower. Many couples go to IVF, which is also very expensive and not guaranteed. And with her age who knows if she could get pregnant, or would need fertility meds which are also expensive. 

Is it even financially possible for you guys to do that? The emotional toll of fertility issues would certainly make your marriage worse.


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## Chaotic_Aquarian

Lord have mercy the stories that have been posted on here this weekend, must be that full hunters moon

What a train wreck waiting to happen. And do I understand your wife is 44? I hope she is aware of the health risks for both her and baby at that age.


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## Openminded

No.


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## SunCMars

She wants a baby, not a husband.

She wants a baby to dawdle over and bathe, not a husband to do these things with.

Will it make her happy?

Yes, and no.

Yes, because she will be too busy to worry about you.
There will be less time to hate everything about you.

No, because she still is a wife and a mother.
Those wifely duties still must be attended to.



_Are Dee-_


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## pastasauce79

My kids are growing up too, and I hate it!

I'm mourning the end of my son's childhood. It's heartbreaking, but there's no way I would want another baby. 

Kids grow up and leave us. That's what we've done too. That's normal. What your wife wants, at 44, it's not normal. 

Get a puppy or start a new hobby. Do not have another baby. That's crazy and so selfish to the poor child.


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## Diana7

Your wife feels her life is empty and that having a baby will make it all ok. At 44 and with you having had a vascectomy, even if you got it reversed, her chances of getting pregnant and bringing a healthy baby to term are almost nil.
She needs to look to finding things in life that she enjoys. Does she work? 
At 10 your son with need her around for many more years anyway.


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## marko polo

Edu101410 said:


> My wife doesnt love my anymore as before because I hurt her many times and I caused that according to her. But I never hurt her intentionally. I love her and feel bad about all this. We have 2 kids, 10 and 15 yo. Wife cannt accept they started being independent and don't want to be with mom anymore. After 2nd kid she told me to get the basectomy so I did but she kept asking for 3rd kid all the time which I always said NO, I'm done. After last conversation she said she won't divorce "now" because she doesn't want kids go through all that mess. She has been affected really bad because older daughter prefers her friends rather than mom and youngest is growing too fast and started in the same way earlier. She is feeling alone. She asked me again for third kid as a solution, but after reading a lot I couldn't find any clue that tells me "yes", that could be a solution. My five is 44 and I need to think very fast if I end up making a decision like this. I don't know if this will make just my wife make happy so she doesn't feel alone anymore and won't help our marriage at all. I need an urgent advice. I don't want to be irresponsible and bring a new baby just to "try" to see if wife loves me as before.


Having more children will solve nothing. It will add to your complications and you will be tied to her for even more years than you are now.

If you want to be miserable for years to come then give her a 3rd child child assuming she is healthy enough to get pregnant and carry it to term. At 44 odds are not in her favor.

In answer to your question, no this will not make her happy. A third child will grow up just like the other two and want their independence.


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## She'sStillGotIt

You two put the FUN in dysfunction. Good God.

Get the hell OUT while you can, and don't do anything stupid on your way out the door. Is this REALLY rocket science?


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## Luckylucky

Have you paid much attention to your wife during the marriage? Seen her, enjoyed her, had fun with her? Helped with the kids etc? Been close with the kids?

Sad all round, she probably wanted a husband more than another baby. Sounds like a very lonely life - what is the hurt that you mention that you feel very badly about? What did you do, or not do?


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## Al_Bundy

It's not a baby, it's an 18+ year annuity that YOU will be responsible for paying for. My advice is to get a vasectomy........now. Seriously, it's like having a super power.


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## RichardD369

A new kid won't help her. It seems like a much deeper seated issue she has that she has tried to cover up with marriage then when that didn't fix the issue she thought kids would help her heal the hole in her heart so then she found the kids didn't do it either. 
It seems from a very small excerpt from your life that her neediness has driven everyone away including her children. This is probably trauma brought on by her childhood. Now don't go and tell her this, acting like you know it all. Instead suggest that maybe therapy for her would help her grow closer to her living children and couples therapy would help you and her get closer as well.
What ever is causing this will never be fixed by adding a innocent and helpless baby into the mix only cause the baby to have issues later on because it has all your wifes hopes of happiness tied to it. Then when the baby doesn't fix her like she hopes she will grow to resent it just like her other children because the cure for her problem never could come from without it had to come from within.


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## DownByTheRiver

Edu101410 said:


> My wife doesnt love my anymore as before because I hurt her many times and I caused that according to her. But I never hurt her intentionally. I love her and feel bad about all this. We have 2 kids, 10 and 15 yo. Wife cannt accept they started being independent and don't want to be with mom anymore. After 2nd kid she told me to get the basectomy so I did but she kept asking for 3rd kid all the time which I always said NO, I'm done. After last conversation she said she won't divorce "now" because she doesn't want kids go through all that mess. She has been affected really bad because older daughter prefers her friends rather than mom and youngest is growing too fast and started in the same way earlier. She is feeling alone. She asked me again for third kid as a solution, but after reading a lot I couldn't find any clue that tells me "yes", that could be a solution. My five is 44 and I need to think very fast if I end up making a decision like this. I don't know if this will make just my wife make happy so she doesn't feel alone anymore and won't help our marriage at all. I need an urgent advice. I don't want to be irresponsible and bring a new baby just to "try" to see if wife loves me as before.


Honestly I think your wife needs therapy. This business about her being all broken up because her kids don't want to be best friends with her is just kind of pathetic. By no means should you go along with this under all the circumstances. I mean she sounds delusional if she thought any of her kids wouldn't grow up and have friends of their own and cut the apron strings like young adults are supposed to do. She's asking you to create kind of a sick situation here.


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## Talker67




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## Talker67

is there any way you can help your wife find some new female friends to hang out with? She sounds very lonely.


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## Yoni

She has a lot of insecurity going on I don't know how you hurt her. Did you cheating on someone?Give her hug lots attention. Like you said about "divorce" she want tie with you, only things she can think of her brain is "if I make or have more baby he not going to divorce or leave me. Your wife seem need take care mentally after have a 2 children mom's seeking for love a lot. It's becoming needy you need be there for her. 
And support her.


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