# Dealing with WAW like a man



## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

If like me you're tired of getting walked on, then it's time to stop being a 'nice guy'. You've been 100% loyal and committed to the marriage and now she walks out! Being ignorant is no reason to let yourself be abused. Let's work together and learn how to 'grow some' and 'man up'. There's strength in numbers, so let's help each other out. Please share your best survival techniques. To get this party started, here's my current list of tactics:

1 Enough is enough. The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. See the pointlessness of arguing with her. No sense trying to reason with an unreasonable person. I can think myself silly trying to make logic and sense of an insane situation. Note that she never apologizes sincerely on her own no matter how badly she acts or says extremely hurtful things. I choose today to be fully prepared to move on with my life. 

2 I will stop constantly checking my phone, email and voice mail for messages from her! Notice if she does attempt contact, its hostile, to blame, or because she wants something from to satisfy her own wants and needs. Note how she doesn't admit any wrongdoing, nor shows any remorse. Note how insane it is if she says, "I miss you", considering that she chose to walk out on the relationship. If she does attempt contact, be very aware of the manipulative game she plays for power and control. Shes tries to manipulate using guilt, hopes to be chased after, wants her ego fed, and needs the problems fixed for her. 

3 She is the "walk away wife', and that's a fact. Going forward I will remember that. It was her choice to leave. I will remind her of that fact when she attempts to blame me and refuses to be held accountable. She will have to live with the consequences for the rest of her life. She's 'made her own bed and now has to sleep in it' as they say. Personally I don't feel that I will ever see her the same again. She will need have to earn my trust all over again now that she's done this. Ever time I see her I will look at her and see her as someone who isn't committed and is most likely unreliable and her marriage vows don't mean anything. 

4 I'm going to take this event and use it to my advantage. I can focus on myself, grow, and discover what I want out of life. Now that she is gone I've been suddenly given gift of time that I can spend working on myself, for myself, and about myself. It's no longer 'all about her'. 

5 I will focus on meeting my own needs and finding my own happiness in life. I now have the opportunity to learn how to "detach" from this woman in order to meet my own needs and stop relying on a relationship partner. Repeat the mantra , "if you want something done right... do it yourself". Regardless of where she is and who or what she's doing, I can find my own happiness in life. It looks like it doesn't include her and certainly not the her she is right now. If she's a source of pain in my life, then it's time to let go. 

6 I will be my "Plan A". To her, our relationship is at best just a plan B to fall back on. I'm not going to let her just treat me as her 'fall back' until she finds something better that she's obviously out there now hoping/trying to find. Think back and realize how she's attempted this 'walking out' before in various shapes and forms. And each time she's trying it out, she goes a little further with it. Would you say she keeps wanting out? Then in many ways consider she's been long gone. Has she ever been 100% fully in? Note how in the past she's so busy with her personal interests that didn't include you. You could say she's always "been 1 foot out the door" at any given time. 

7 I decide today that going forward I can do all kinds of things differently than I'd have typically done in the past. This is a great time for an awesome transformation, and changing the usual pattern of thinking and actions. People often say how "change is good", so I will listen to them now that it's arrived in your life. I can see the positive side of things. 

8 Now that she has walked out, I will learn how to ignore her. I will screen my calls and let the call go to messages. Remember she'll likely keep trying to control even from afar. She'll keep testing to see if by withdrawing she can regain control. There's likely something she'll make contact for need/wanting/demanding something again soon and when she does, note that she's not promising commitment to the relationship. 

9 No matter how viscous, threatening, abusive, mean and manipulative she is, I choose the noble path of virtuous ethical conduct and wisdom (ie the right speech, action, effort, intent etc). I choose this because I must always live with the results of my actions. I can sleep restfully at night knowing that I've done the right thing.

10 I'm not going to let her lure me back with sex. I'm cutting myself off. I'm unwilling to be in a ***** whipped mindset going forward into the future. The same for alcohol or intoxicants. This is an important time of my life and I want to keep my head straight. 


11 No matter how hot she looks, true beauty is on the inside. And note how ugly she has been so often. The outside beauty will fade anyway as the years pass. You know it's a fact, that someone somewhere will eventually be tired of her bull****. If she ever wishes to enjoy the benefits of a mature stable relationship with anyone, she will need to grow up. She has always been a little 'immature' in regards to the relationship and how she thinks her life should be. She may just not like the way life has turned out. A typical 'princess' can't handle when life gets boring or difficult. She hates how real life requires her to be responsible and often lacks fun and excitement and tries to blame others for it. 

12 Remember that "nice guys" are not used to the feeling of 'having the upper hand' or 'holding the reins' as they say. 'Nice guys' often don't even like the feeling of being in control. Even when nice guys win, they often feel like they've lost. (Maybe we have some issue with guilt?) Now that the queen has tossed away her crown, you can learn how to be king of your own castle. Don't be quick to hand control back to her or anyone else.

13 Find comfort and joy living peacefully in your own home. Eat good food, and rest well. Enjoy your space comfortably, knowing that when she walked out she abandoned all those wonderful things that you continue to enjoy without her. And now that she's staying somewhere else, she's started using some other sucker for those things she needs/wants, like the self-centred person she is.


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## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

great post


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

About,

Good post.

I suggest that you stop starting new threads, unless they are really about something different. Everything you post is about your relationship with your WAW and/or your reaction. That is best treated as a single narrative.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Treating her like a man is one of the reasons you're in this mess.

Study how to communicate with women.


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## qwerty1971 (Jan 6, 2014)

Man I wish you could brainwash me into thinking and believing and executing all of this right now. Would make my life and separation/divorce from a cheating wife easier. 
Good post and advice, now the hard part, do it.


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## SadOldDad (Jan 9, 2014)

Good post. I am right now sitting in a pub enjoying a bit of own time soon to go home to my wife. The house is on he market and separation is not far away. I need to man up and be good to myself in the face of betrayal. I am going to be ok.


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## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

Excellent post but it is not only for men. There are many BS who are female and have been treated the same as you have. And we should follow your advice too.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

It's my understanding that a WAW is one who, after many years of trying to communicate with her husband, with little to no success, eventually gives up due to lack of responsiveness on his part. At which point the husband usually turns around and says "What did I do, how can I fix this?" but it's way too little, too late.

She may have given up and walked away, but it didn't happen overnite. Somewhere between the time she first met you and the time she packed her bags, things changed.


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