# Is this a midlife crisis?



## estranged (May 5, 2009)

I'm not sure where to start and i'm more than open to hear from men and women on this... I'm 29 this year- I got married at 25- I had a baby just over a year ago...I've been together with my husband for nearly 9 years. It was all a dream come true- the perfect guy (of course we're complete opposite at times) but he's always been supportive, caring, patient- there. It was all following suite until after I had the baby- 6 months later I had a stupid kiss with a guy i'd only known for 3 days or so and then no more contact with this other guy. It only came to be as I was away from home, from my husband, my baby. I felt completely free - young, like in a weird way 'me' again. Ii told my husband and we've worked things out. We live every day a little like groundhog day - trying endlessly to do things differently- going to new places... but we're tired- our baby never sleeps- we're bickering and life just isn't exciting anymore. 

I've never known what I wanted to be when I grew up- I was always told what my parents wanted me to be and that didn't work out for anyone. Both my husband and I are mixed up in what we want to do with our lives- always knowing that we want to do it together. 

Only in the last couple of days- I dream of following something I once wanted to do- acting- something absurd that I don't even know if i'm good at. I've always feared it- strangely because i never really wanted to be famous (sounds like a big head but really I don't even think I could act) I can't explain it- the what if was too big.... Now all of a sudden it's like a call to freedom- all the people i'd meet, the lifestyle, the money - the adrenaline- the buzz- everything I feel i'm missing. 

I feel boring- tired- nothing to hope for anymore. I have no friends bar 2 - who i'm not totally close to anyway. My husband has no friends either- we moved to a town and didn't get mingling. I think we're both lonely and yet bored of each other's company- maybe not that more of life... 

I'm so down with it all that at times I just regret everything and I want to be whisked away. I know this all sounds completely selfish and I know it is- I wouldn't act on it- did that before with a kiss and live every day remembering it all. 

I just don't know how to turn things around - how to be optimistic- how to be me? I have no idea who I am.


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Telling him about the kiss was stupid, especially if that was all there was to it...yes, you didn't something wrong, but there are times when things are better left unsaid.

Regardless, look to take some classes on-line or at a community college or learning center...and see if there is a class or course that the two of you can take together.

Look and see if there is a community theatre and go audition then next time they have something. If you don't make the cut, keep trying...

It sounds like you are bored and tired of the same old routine...so instead of seeking out the excitement of someone one else, work at putting the excitement back into your relationship.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Being a mother changes your life forever. I am not the same person about 8 years ago. I can't plan my next activity without thinking of where the kids are. I am not saying motherhood or marriage should tie you down, and you must give up all your dreams, but it is reality. Consider yourself lucky, because it doesn't sound like your marriage is in trouble at all.


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## estranged (May 5, 2009)

I know it was stupid now... I spoke to 2 close friends about it before telling him and both said not to say- I see why now... yet I left it for a few days before I did and the guilt and anguish was eating me alive, I know this is something I should have lived with- at the time I convinced myself that I had told my husband in the early days that we'd never keep secrets no matter what and to be open... so I told him. 

I will look into classes though and see if I can get something back into being me again.


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## estranged (May 5, 2009)

Thank you Sensitive- It really does change your life and I had always wanted children earlier rather than later- I thought it was my calling but soon realised that it's so much harder than I dreamed. I'm not the mum I thought I would be... 

Admittedly on the surface things between me and my husband are ok- not dreadful or great- but ok and I think it could be ok for years but part of me wants to feel the butterflies again, feel the adrenaline and my heart thumping- I know this will never happen- time takes its course and I need to accept that I know. 

I just don't know why I feel so incredibly down and sometimes think they're both better off without me- I so hope I can find something that I can aspire and motivate me into being happier with my family and appreciate them- I do love them with all my heart- I just have run out of steam.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sounds more like an identity crisis than a mid life crisis... you are searching to find your calling. Thats not something middle aged people usually do when having a crisis.

BY the way I'm middle age... no crisis, know why? I was wild and crazy when young and now I know what lifes about, so I have no desire to be or act or feel young again. I'm happy to be healthy, sane and stable with both feet on the ground ( vs, head in the clouds).
Good luck in acting, field is wide open these days and not as much bearing to looks or even talent, so anyone with some talent and buring desire can make it.


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## Sprite (Nov 3, 2008)

Sadly, part of being a Mom means you loose part of yourself  This is realtively close to you haveing your baby....have you ruled out the possibility of post-partum depression? Most people think this comes right after the baby is born but that is not always the case.

Does the area you live in have a Communtiy Theater organization? Find out and go audition for a part. You will be able to find out soon enough if thats your calling or not, or just something you want to try.


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## SaxonMan (Apr 1, 2009)

estranged said:


> I know it was stupid now... I spoke to 2 close friends about it before telling him and both said not to say- I see why now... yet I left it for a few days before I did and the guilt and anguish was eating me alive,


I do not at all agree that you were stupid telling him. I think you did exactly the right thing. The right thing would have been not to have done it at all, of course.

Honesty, honesty, there has to be honesty. Without that, you'll be giving him a false life - and that guilt and anguish would have taken its toll.

Having said that, I think this is good advice:


> It sounds like you are bored and tired of the same old routine...so instead of seeking out the excitement of someone one else, work at putting the excitement back into your relationship.


I am a firm believer that the way to stop infidelity of any kind is to avoid going there in the tiniest bit. It is far easier to say "no", or run away at the first hint of even an inappropriate thought, than it is to stop yourself if you allow yourself to get "into the moment".

Please don't allow yourself to get anywhere near any kind of situation like that again. Just DON'T GO THERE!
If you need a reminder, just read some of the posts on these fora from the numerous people who's lives have been totally devastated by the selfish acts of their partner. Respect yourself and don't be that person.

I would do all it would take to concentrate working on an exciting life TOGETHER. That's what you promised when you married.


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