# Husband addicted to dating websites.



## betster11

I've been with my husband for 18 years, married 12 years and we have 4 children together. Eldest is 13 and youngest is 1 year. 2 months ago he joined a dating website under several different usernames. He actually met up with 1 woman her met on there and slept with her. I have the proof and when i confronted him he denied everything and i got the blame for snooping behind his back. We aggreed to make a go of things and he'd stop the sites. 2 weeks later i've just found he's back on the dating site under another new name. IF i confront him he'll know i've been spying on him again. I still love him dearly but i don't know how to go on. I still love him. This is such a mess.


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## friendly

My husband had the same problem before. I caught him more than 10 times. Now my husband completedly stopped.
It's kinda seek & hide games of the husbands.
I can share with you how I dealt with it. If you're interested. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor

He isn't addicted to dating websites, he's looking to cheat (and already has). If he didn't lose your trust, you wouldn't have been checking up on him.

Your health is at risk because of STD's. You both should be checked and see a marriage counselor.


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## 827Aug

You've got a much bigger problem than an addicted husband. You've got an unfaithful husband! At this point you have every right to snoop. Here's a link to a great web site: Just Found Out!


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## feylovelyheart

I have the same problem. My husband has some profiles in several dating website. Not sure why he did that. When I ask him why he puts his profile in the dating website and put his status as single, he only said that he is looking for friendship only. I didn't believe it all. But I didn't say anything. I guess I just don't want to have argument about this.

I think you have every right to spy on him because he makes you not trusting him. I understand how you feel since I have been in your situation and sadly I still am. The only difference is my husband does not see or meet them or even sleeping with the. so I am safe for now.


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## Country Girl

Please go to my thread, http://talkaboutmarriage.com/dating-scene/16703-dating-sites-everyone-married.html, to see the flip-side of what your husbands are doing. Trust me they aren't being so innocent when they have a dating site profile. They are looking for more than a friendship. I take that back. The married ones I've had contact with want to skip the friendship part and go straight to bed. Ladies please don't be fooled!


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## ku1980rose

Scary. I have found history of my H being on dating websites. He says it was something he was on years ago and he got an email from it. Understandable because I get crap email like that too. However, it only shows up in the computer history if you click on the email link. I think he is interested in who is emailing him on that site from an old profile he had. That's how they hook you. What have you done?


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## Pokie

betster11 said:


> I've been with my husband for 18 years, married 12 years and we have 4 children together. Eldest is 13 and youngest is 1 year. 2 months ago he joined a dating website under several different usernames. He actually met up with 1 woman her met on there and slept with her. I have the proof and when i confronted him he denied everything and i got the blame for snooping behind his back. We aggreed to make a go of things and he'd stop the sites. 2 weeks later i've just found he's back on the dating site under another new name. IF i confront him he'll know i've been spying on him again. I still love him dearly but i don't know how to go on. I still love him. This is such a mess.


I too have a husband who is on these dating sites. We have been married 40 years !!! He started 4 years ago. He says she is just a friend. He has spent our entire savings on this site plus run up all his credit cards to finance his chats. After a holiday in Greece last year, he left me at the airport and flew to her in the Ukraine, still telling me she means nothing to him !! He bought her perfume and soap. He just left me at the airport, didnt even tell me where he was going to !! He says he hasnt changed towards me. I cant keep up with his lies and secrecy and honestly dont know where to go from here. He refuses to stop writing to her. I know the girls on this Russian site are trained well, they are very clever and keep the men chatting to make them spend more. The site is a scam. Can anyone throw light on what I should do.....I dont have the means to leave. Must I just put up with his behaviour and live a seperate life ?


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## Hope1964

Pokie said:


> I too have a husband who is on these dating sites. We have been married 40 years !!! He started 4 years ago. He says she is just a friend. He has spent our entire savings on this site plus run up all his credit cards to finance his chats. After a holiday in Greece last year, he left me at the airport and flew to her in the Ukraine, still telling me she means nothing to him !! He bought her perfume and soap. He just left me at the airport, didnt even tell me where he was going to !! He says he hasnt changed towards me. I cant keep up with his lies and secrecy and honestly dont know where to go from here. He refuses to stop writing to her. I know the girls on this Russian site are trained well, they are very clever and keep the men chatting to make them spend more. The site is a scam. Can anyone throw light on what I should do.....I dont have the means to leave. Must I just put up with his behaviour and live a seperate life ?


I suggest you start your own thread - this one will be locked for being bumped after it's been inactive for over 3 years.


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## Pokie

friendly said:


> My husband had the same problem before. I caught him more than 10 times. Now my husband completedly stopped.
> It's kinda seek & hide games of the husbands.
> I can share with you how I dealt with it. If you're interested.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I am very interested how you stopped it - you have succeeded where I failed


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## Pokie

Hope1964 said:


> I suggest you start your own thread - this one will be locked for being bumped after it's been inactive for over 3 years.


Thank you - how do I start a new thread...sorry to be such a dunce


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## melw74

The only person that can stop it is him. I cant see why you would want a way to make him stop, if he does not do it for himself, and because he wants to, then hes not worth it.

I would not want a husband that felt it Okay to be on a dating site. Why would he feel the need if hes married and already has someone.


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## Hope1964

Pokie said:


> Thank you - how do I start a new thread...sorry to be such a dunce


Go to the section you want to post in (in this case, I recommend Coping with Infidelity) and scroll to the very bottom where you will see the icon to post a new thread.


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## Pokie

Hope1964 said:


> Go to the section you want to post in (in this case, I recommend Coping with Infidelity) and scroll to the very bottom where you will see the icon to post a new thread.


Thank you


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## Pokie

melw74 said:


> The only person that can stop it is him. I cant see why you would want a way to make him stop, if he does not do it for himself, and because he wants to, then hes not worth it.
> 
> I would not want a husband that felt it Okay to be on a dating site. Why would he feel the need if hes married and already has someone.


But he says he cant see anything wrong with what hes doing ! Hes just writing to a friend ! But its the site shes on. Its also a very expensive site. And he says he hasnt changed towards me ! He refuses to stop. What must I do ?


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## Unique Username

The only reason a married man has for being on a DATING WEBSITE

is for either an Emotional Affair (rather unlikely)

or for hooking up to have a PHYSICAL AFFAIR


WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFfEE.


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## Hope1964

Pokie said:


> But he says he cant see anything wrong with what hes doing ! Hes just writing to a friend ! But its the site shes on. Its also a very expensive site. And he says he hasnt changed towards me ! He refuses to stop. What must I do ?


Have you seen the replies in the thread that you started?

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/191978-line-dating-site.html#post8717850


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## DoF

Pokie said:


> But he says he cant see anything wrong with what hes doing ! Hes just writing to a friend ! But its the site shes on. Its also a very expensive site. And he says he hasnt changed towards me ! He refuses to stop. What must I do ?


Divorce him!

I wouldn't want to be with someone that has a track record of cheating and thinks this type of behavior is even remotely acceptable.

Would you?


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## Pokie

Hope1964 said:


> Have you seen the replies in the thread that you started?
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/191978-line-dating-site.html#post8717850


I have - thank you.


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## Pokie

Unique Username said:


> The only reason a married man has for being on a DATING WEBSITE
> 
> is for either an Emotional Affair (rather unlikely)
> 
> or for hooking up to have a PHYSICAL AFFAIR
> 
> 
> WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFfEE.


It cant be a physical affair. Shes in the Ukraine. I am sure she is one smart lil lady. She knows exactly what she is doing. She e mails him and wants to chat but keeps him on the video chat cos its more expensive.


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## Pokie

DoF said:


> Divorce him!
> 
> I wouldn't want to be with someone that has a track record of cheating and thinks this type of behavior is even remotely acceptable.
> 
> Would you?


Up till 4 years ago, he never did this. We are coming up for our 41st wedding anniv. And now this....she has really got her claws into him and he is too stupid to see it. I keep telling him, if shes any kind of friend !! why does she charge you to chat !!


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## EleGirl

betster11 said:


> I've been with my husband for 18 years, married 12 years and we have 4 children together. Eldest is 13 and youngest is 1 year. 2 months ago he joined a dating website under several different usernames. He actually met up with 1 woman her met on there and slept with her. I have the proof and when i confronted him he denied everything and i got the blame for snooping behind his back. We aggreed to make a go of things and he'd stop the sites. 2 weeks later i've just found he's back on the dating site under another new name. IF i confront him he'll know i've been spying on him again. I still love him dearly but i don't know how to go on. I still love him. This is such a mess.


You need to know how to stop this now. 

Get the book "Surviving An Affair". IT will tell you what you need to do to end his affair (in this case the affair is all the crap he's doing online and the women he's meeting.)

Do not confront him again until you have read the book and put a plan in place. The book is a quick read so it won't hold you up on what you need to do.

Make sure you save your evidence. I assume it's in electronic files. save it to a place that he cannot get to like www.dropbox.com That site will allow you to save quite a bit of data in your account. This way it's safe and he cannot get it and delete it.


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## EleGirl

Pokie said:


> It cant be a physical affair. Shes in the Ukraine. I am sure she is one smart lil lady. She knows exactly what she is doing. She e mails him and wants to chat but keeps him on the video chat cos its more expensive.


Didn't I read that your husband flew to see her when you were on vacation in Greece? Or is do I have you confused with someone else who husband is caught up with an on line women in the Ukraine?

ETA: Yep that was you. Your husband flew to see this woman, leaving you in the airport in Greece. What do you think he flew there for... to have sex with her. Of course it is a physical affair. That's what those women do. When the men fly out to meet them.. they pay big bucks for sex.


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## EleGirl

Pokie said:


> Thank you - how do I start a new thread...sorry to be such a dunce


You go to the thread that you started and you reply to the people who have posted to you. 

Why did you start a thread and then ignore everyone who responded to you? 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/191978-line-dating-site.html#post8717850


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## Hope1964

EleGirl said:


> You go to the thread that you started and you reply to the people who have posted to you.
> 
> Why did you start a thread and then ignore everyone who responded to you?
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/191978-line-dating-site.html#post8717850


Because she doesn't like the answers we gave her over there.

I asked the mods to lock this thread because it's really old, and pokie needs to keep things in her own thread.


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## Pokie

EleGirl said:


> You go to the thread that you started and you reply to the people who have posted to you.
> 
> Why did you start a thread and then ignore everyone who responded to you?
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/191978-line-dating-site.html#post8717850


Well, thank you for being so welcoming and helpful. I told whoever that I didnt know how to post a new thread and was given help. I came here for advice and all you have given is abuse. I did not ignore the replies. I answered them. I hope you get treated like this when you are in need one day.


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## Pokie

Hope1964 said:


> Because she doesn't like the answers we gave her over there.
> 
> I asked the mods to lock this thread because it's really old, and pokie needs to keep things in her own thread.


I didnt know it was an old thread. Gees, I thought you people were here to help.


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## Hope1964

Pokie, why are you avoiding the thread that you started?


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## Imstrong123

betster11 said:


> I've been with my husband for 18 years, married 12 years and we have 4 children together. Eldest is 13 and youngest is 1 year. 2 months ago he joined a dating website under several different usernames. He actually met up with 1 woman her met on there and slept with her. I have the proof and when i confronted him he denied everything and i got the blame for snooping behind his back. We aggreed to make a go of things and he'd stop the sites. 2 weeks later i've just found he's back on the dating site under another new name. IF i confront him he'll know i've been spying on him again. I still love him dearly but i don't know how to go on. I still love him. This is such a mess.


It's been so long you wrote, I wonder how you are doing. You can't control what your H does, or wants. But you can control what you DO ...and what you want will either come along, or you will have to accept the consequences of your decision, which could be sometimes difficult. Never compromised yourself for someone else, not even your H of 1, 2, or 30 years. Never. I found out my H of 27 years had been addicted to online dating for about 8 years, met and had sex with about 100 different,desperate poor women, and then, when he realized it was "getting out of hand" and I had started to put distance between us because of his temper, his bullying of me and the kids, etc...he stopped. And then 7 months later..I found out,. And I found out for good, everything...not a stone left unturned. So I told him, that it was the LAST time I was going through this, he could do whatever he wanted, but I will not, ever go through this again. He believed me, we got some counseling, and in the last 2 years he has been the perfect husband, completely dedicated, sweet, romantic, open book, it seems that the same effort he put into being the worst husband he could be he is putting now into being the best...I don't understand it actually. Had I been younger, with no kids and a career...I would have walked out, no doubt..this is too much of a baggage to be carrying...and is HIS baggage, not mine..but being things as they were and are, we are still together, and I'm trying every day to accept and live with this...and is very hard...but sometimes I feel sad for him. He knows he did wrong, and there is nothing he can do about that. I wonder how you are doing, I hope things worked out, and your H recovered....for you and your kids.


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## DoF

If you communicated ALL of your concerns and he is too stupid to see......it's time to put the hammer down.

Tell him you are getting divorce!!!

UNLESS, you want to continue to enable him to do whatever he wants.......

Those are your 2 choices.


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