# STBHX shrugs being a parent



## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

What a loser. I thought I could get through this divorce without losing every ounce of respect but... he is in law enforcement. He's senior so he gets his pick of shifts. So what does he do? This year he picks night shift with weekends off.

That leaves me with full responsbility for:

Getting our son ready for school, taking him to and from school, then to afternoon daycare. I work full time I have to leave work at 2pm to do this then go back to work.

ALL HOMEWORK. Our son is special needs. I can't even begin to tell you how hard this is dealing with this on my own. Every night its a struggle for hours. It wears me down.

The only time his "father" turns up is to pick him up Friday night for the fun times. He has managed to make himself completely unavailable for any parenting responsbilities. How convenient. He doesn't see his teachers, talk to the school, help him in any way.

Even when he has him on weekends he doesn't spend any one on one time with him. My son says daddy's always on his computer and when they do do something, its visiting or going out with my STBHX's girlfriends. Geezz...

I can't help but think what a loser this guy is. What a sad excuse for a parent.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Can you talk to him about this? Maybe he thought having weekends free would be good, standard-divorce-time with his son. I know I'm giving him too much credit there, aren't I! I can only imagine how hard it is for you. Please tell me you have some sort of support from friends or family? My kids don't have any special needs, but my STBX moved out of state, the only visitation he has is when he comes up here and stays at our house. This is has turned out to be less than once a month. During xmas vacation, when the kids were off for two weeks, he came here for one 19 hour stay, and like yours, he spent the time on here on his computer. Then he left and hasn't seen them since. He doesn't work, doesn't call, no contact with teachers/schools. Like yours, mine is a worthless father. I don't get it. We can get a support order but can't seem to get a be-a-real-parent order.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

No support. My family is on the other side of the world (New Zealand). My friends are there for me but not my son's homework and education needs 

My STBXH: he has a grown daughter (to an old girlfriend) who can't stand him. Same MO: got her mother pregnant, took the mother to court to get dual custody and then never saw the poor kid. The court battle was simply a show of strength, to show the mother don't mess with him, IMO. He didn't have much to do with his daughter as she grew up, I married him when she was 8 now she's 21 and she married the first guy she met literally, at 19 yo. 

To me this is history repeating itself. This man does not know the first thing about what being in a family entails, he doesn't know how to be a husband, or a father and what commitment comes along with these roles. His own father was distant and then abandoned the family.

My husband comes from a very long line of people from broken, toxic relationships. Children (through no fault of their own) with no example or idea of how a healthy family functions. He's now adding himself to the "club". Congratulations to him.

I am blessed at least my son has my dad who visits for 2 mths every year, to show him what a real father and real husband is.


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## SpunkySpunky (Dec 17, 2012)

My stbxh literally sees his daughter maybe 6 hours a month. If that.

He also doesnt call to check on her (she is an infant) and I have tried telling him over and over that he needed to do better.

And he agreed but still no action is taken on his part.


I have stopped worrying about him and have just been trying to live my life as the best parent *I* can be.


So, yeah mine is a worthless father and wasn't much of a husband but I, much like you with yours, can't make him do anything.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yeah seems like a lot of guys still tend to think of child raising as women's work. Atleast those whom choose to be an every other weekend kind of dad. Meanwhile lots of dads who actually want shared custody have to fight and are often denied by the court. And I can't think of any women who are every other weekend moms, especially if they go to court for custody.


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