# Experiencing love?



## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

I took up the bass guitar about a month ago, and decided to take a few lessons with a local music teacher. she used to play in a band (not famous, but mainly did festivals and cultural events) for ten years and is now a freelancer/self-employed.

Towards the end of last year, we became casual friends and used to discuss a lot of stuff over e-mail. But then since December last year, well I have developed strong feelings for her. I glow inside whenever I think of her. I want to ask her out, but then I took a private class with her and don't want her to get freaked out and I'd have to change teachers. We had a class (group not private) about two months ago, and I saw she was looking at me a lot and smiling. I may have been imagining interest, or she was being friendly, I dunno, I cannot saw for certain. But she is really cute externally and internally, and intelligent also as this is a trait I value in prospective dates (by that I mean she is well-read, learned, not in trivial things alone, etc.)

I'm just not sure if I should ask her out. I know regrets shouldn't exist in life, but then she is the stars.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As long as both of you are fully single and unencumbered, why not?*


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

You could ask her if she's ever dated one of her students before you take the plunge and actually ask her on a date.

But I truly hope you're not "experiencing love" with someone when you can't even tell if they're interested in you or not!


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

arbitrator said:


> *As long as both of you are fully single and unencumbered, why not?*


I'm 90% sure she's single, but then I don't know if she's interested in me or not. If not, so be it, she's not the only woman alive. :smthumbup:


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

KathyBatesel said:


> You could ask her if she's ever dated one of her students before you take the plunge and actually ask her on a date.
> 
> But I truly hope you're not "experiencing love" with someone when you can't even tell if they're interested in you or not!


yes, love is bad, isn't it? damn those humans emotions.. :smthumbup:


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

ca-nami said:


> yes, love is bad, isn't it? damn those humans emotions.. :smthumbup:


Nope. Love is awesome and amazing. 

But to think you're in love when you have NO BASIS for it can lead you down a road to heartache, financial ruin, and emotional baggage that can scar you for life.


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

KathyBatesel said:


> Nope. Love is awesome and amazing.
> 
> But to think you're in love when you have NO BASIS for it can lead you down a road to heartache, financial ruin, and emotional baggage that can scar you for life.


eh? go away, you don't seem nice anyhow.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Ok... I will.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

How is she as a bass teacher?

How old is she?

How old are you?

Does she go out of her way to find an excuse to put her hands on you?


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

Machiavelli said:


> How is she as a bass teacher?
> 
> How old is she?
> 
> ...


I am 34 and she is 32. And? Is this somehow "wrong" according to you?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I would simply be direct. "I have developed feelings for you and would like to ask you to dinner (coffee, lunch, whatever)"

If she accepts, great! If she gives you some mumbo-jumbo about not dating students, simply ask her if it will make her uncomfortable to continue your lessons.

If she is not interested and it ruins the student/teacher relationship, well, you probably wouldn't want to continue in an "unrequited love" situation anyway...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Just ask, would it be okay if I asked you out for a drink?

She will either smile and say, no, or she will say, sure.

If she says sure, then say, okay, will you join me for a drink, when are you available?

Easy!

I ask guys all the time about if they have a wife or girlfriend. I only ask if we get along, if you don't have that kind of rappor with people, you need to work on being more confident with the people around you. They usually don't bite! And being interested in someone is normal and not creepy at all and a compliment, it's how you go about asking that makes a difference...direct is good...circling around like a wannabe stalker for weeks trying to get information is awkward and yay, a little creepy and disturbing and a bit intrusive of boundaries. 

Just ask, no biggie. And if she says no, you can still smile back at her in class and even wink sometimes and get away with it, so long as it's just fun. Geesh!


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

ca-nami said:


> I am 34 and she is 32. And? Is this somehow "wrong" according to you?


You're a little old not to be picking up on her signals. Does she ever try to touch you for any reason? Look right at you and play with hair or lick her lips frequently?


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

ca-nami said:


> I am 34 and she is 32. And? Is this somehow "wrong" according to you?


Whoa, defensive.

I thought you were like 18-20 by the way you were talking. It's just good to know where you are at before suggesting things.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Engage with her in friendly talk before or after class and you should be able to find out if she is married or seeing someone. 
Be careful not to read more into her apparent friendliness than may be there. Could simply be she is being friendly with a paying customer, nothing more and your infatuation is adding more to a simple smile.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Do the ole' ploy "I have two tickets to John Wetton's concert, would you like to accompany me?"If she does not know who John Wetton is, find a new teacher  http://www.johnwetton.co.uk/

Substitute some other musician or try the alternative ploy.... Ask her to listen to Starless by King Crimson (featuring John Wetton in bass & vocals). It's about the most romantic 10 minute piece I can think of... YouTube has a pretty good version.


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Just ask, would it be okay if I asked you out for a drink?
> 
> She will either smile and say, no, or she will say, sure.
> 
> ...


er... I've already asked her if she's single. She says yes. Look, I'm not a dummy, I know how to get on with people.


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

Sandfly said:


> Whoa, defensive.


er... OK, but unlike society I don't see being defensiveness as bad. Though if you like attacking others, it may denote sociopathy...


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

Maneo said:


> Engage with her in friendly talk before or after class and you should be able to find out if she is married or seeing someone.
> Be careful not to read more into her apparent friendliness than may be there. Could simply be she is being friendly with a paying customer, nothing more and your infatuation is adding more to a simple smile.


I talk with her often before class, and know she is not married.

But then I know she could just be being friendly.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

ca-nami said:


> er... I've already asked her if she's single. She says yes. Look, I'm not a dummy, I know how to get on with people.



Wait, in your earlier post you said you were 90% certain she is single. Now it turns out you already asked her and you know. 
Are we getting the whole story?


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

Maneo said:


> Wait, in your earlier post you said you were 90% certain she is single. Now it turns out you already asked her and you know.
> Are we getting the whole story?


er.. people are zig zig. You are, I see it in your posts, but then yeah, feel threatened that others move in on your territory... :smthumbup:


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## ca-nami (Jan 15, 2014)

Machiavelli said:


> You're a little old not to be picking up on her signals. Does she ever try to touch you for any reason? Look right at you and play with hair or lick her lips frequently?


look dude, you're rude to many others here. haha...


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