# Please need advice!!!!!!!



## sadness (Apr 28, 2009)

I'm not that good at English but I will give it a try 
I just feel like it's a dead-end, and one way relationship....and I can't give anymore...nothing left.
I will tell my story in short (as short as possible) and I would appreciate advice, 'cause I'm so confused...
My parents love him, that was a big plus point for me. And my dad told me I won't leave the house unless I'm married... 
Seemed easy to do and I wanted to get out of the house so desperately... My dad 'punished' me when I did something wrong, or said something he would not approve of. He used to hit me with a belt buckle, it was terrible...
I don't have a relationship with my dad, I love my mom, but that's not my biggest problem at the moment. 

I get along with my hubby's mom but not his dad. They are divorced, he's dad married 3 years ago for the 3rd time. He's dad will always put me down, or say rude things about or to me. He will say things like “The clothes you wear, looks bad, you should go shopping with my wife, so she can show you what to wear!!” And the one time we just moved to a new place, and I invited them for dinner, went through a lot of trouble, to get everything perfect and the next day he showed up at my work and infront of everyone gave me a mob and can doom, and told me to clean my house!!!! 
I went home in tears and hubby told me, that I'm to sensitive and he's dad just trying to help!! I told him I want him to stand up for me, and he said, if he should choose between he's dad and me, he will divorce me and choose his dad!!!

My hubby don't show love to me, he's watching Tv every night and weekends and I'm always the one begging for attention!! If I try to hug him or kiss him, he will push me away! He will say to me I'm ugly and need to lose weight, although I'm not. I started to do modeling 10 months ago, just to hear other peoples opinions and 'cause I always wanted to do it. He was so angry at me and hated my pictures. He will never hold my hand in public, and put me down in front of his friends. He will call me B*tch in front of them, and he knows I hate it, then he will say, it's his 'love able' name for me!! We don't ever go on vacation alone, he will always invite friends to come with. (mutual friends) I don't have any friends left, he told me to leave them! He will threaten to hurt me or hurt my dog or say rude things to me. 
Long story short, I started to see one of my friends, without him nothing it, 'cause I know he wouldn't approve. We went for coffee, and he was so nice, and made me feel I'm beautiful and something worth. Then I did something, I shouldn't, but we kissed (nothing else happened) and my hubby caught me at the guys place!! And he kicked me in the stomach ;( And told me to get all my stuff and move out and one day later he allowed me in the house again. I'm living in fear everyday, and he's willing to give me? Another chance. But he will call me names, and tell me I'm a prostitute and there's nothing good about me. But why did he do something to me and nothing to the other guy?! He told me he did not think.... and he's sorry and he don't ever say he's sorry!! And he also told me I can be glad he did not kick me the dangerous way!!


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## desh_husband (Apr 28, 2009)

I'm not sure what religious background you come from, but you need to get out of this relationship immediately. Seek a close family member WHO UNDERSTANDS what you are going through. If you do not have one, call a Women's Battered Shelter, but in this day and age no woman needs to live in this kind of backwards relationship.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sadness-

The reason your life is going like this is that you place a very low value on your self. Your hubby treats you like dirt because you believe you are dirt. Hell, I have not even met you, and I love you more than your husband.

I hope you have come to this forum to grow stronger day by day and discover who you really are. When you are stronger, your hubby will treat you with more respect, or you will simply leave.

Stick around.


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## coffee bean (Apr 3, 2009)

Sadness -

I would urge to get out of the marriage as fast as you can.

Some men just hate women, - perhaps he's learnt his attitude from his dad, and it's not going to shift very easily. If you stay, you'll just get more of the same, and how much abuse will it take before you say 'enough is enough'?

Nobody deserves the treatment you are getting from him. The verbal/emotional abuse is bad enough, but a kick in the stomach is the signal to pack your bags and go before he does you worse damage.

See if you can get in touch with some of your former friends and do all you can to find temporary accommodation. 

Your own father didn't treat you very well either, and it's possible you might be accustomed to this kind of treatment from men. But it's not normal, it's dreadful, and you should definitely not put up with it.

Good luck!


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## reidqa01 (Apr 26, 2009)

This sounds like a midwestern marriage problem.

Really now going out meeting a friend, kicked in the stomach.

This is a deep now, how about reposting.


I am no longer desirable.
My husband treats me bad.
A male adorns me with all the issues.

Bottom line really fast and simple.

Divorce hubby, take newbie male as hubby.

See you in 5 or less years.


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## SaxonMan (Apr 1, 2009)

Sadness. I'm sorry. I agree with all the other posters. You are better than this. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Get out.

Please stick around here for support. This forum has some very helpful and supportive people.

P.S. You English is very good.


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## sadness (Apr 28, 2009)

desh_husband said:


> I'm not sure what religious background you come from, but you need to get out of this relationship immediately. Seek a close family member WHO UNDERSTANDS what you are going through. If you do not have one, call a Women's Battered Shelter, but in this day and age no woman needs to live in this kind of backwards relationship.


Hi

Thank you for the reply! I'm a Christian.


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## sadness (Apr 28, 2009)

Thank you for all the replies!!!

Mark ~ Yes, I do have a low self esteem, but because off the name-calling and put-downs everyday. Hehehe, thanks!!

Coffee ~ I don't know how much more can I take! But I feel bad, because what I did (affair) and this makes me even more confused. He did say sorry, about the kick, and he was so mad, he did not think.....should I believe him???? He did mention in the past he will hit me ext....


Saxon ~ Lol, thank you!!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

sadness said:


> He did mention in the past he will hit me ext....


If you have any love for yourself, you would pack your bags, or his.


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## mjr810 (Aug 24, 2008)

reidqa01 said:


> This sounds like a midwestern marriage problem.
> 
> Really now going out meeting a friend, kicked in the stomach.
> 
> ...


Huh?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

In reading this thread I feel I have one advantage, my age.

If I were younger I would be gone. Knowing H is in heart attack years, bad diet and works too much makes me think maybe soon....... the problems I'm having will resolve themselves, but let me tell you something, if I were 30 and not 50, I'd be gone in a flash !


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