# Memo of honesty



## ferndog (Dec 2, 2011)

It's been a while since aug 2011 when my ex stopped believing and loving me and divorced me. I tried to tell her that I loved her more than she would ever imagine and to try and keep our promise of marriage but she didn't. I looked her in the eye and promised her that I would look at my faults and become a better man with her or without her. I know I have and yet know I still have to change a few things and I am doing so. I have tried dating a few times but It never fills my soul. 
I still have mixed feelings somedays. 
They range from I'm glad she told me she doesn't love me than for me to live a lie 
To how can she just give up on me like if I'm worthless. 

I tried to rationalize it by saying you can't make someone love you it's not her fault. But a friend told me it is her fault cause she let it happen. She allowed herself to fall out of love without telling me.

I feel so lonely somedays an others I enjoy my company. Some days it feels so cold at night other days .

I do ok until I really sit and think and my eyes water. To be with one person for 20 years from 14-35 is all I've ever known. 

I hope one day I can just stop loving the memory of who she was. 

Still not sure how people just divorce like nothing. Smh .

Kinda scared to open up again. I always knew my love was faithful just have to one day realize i did all I could and try to find love again. Although I truly doubt it will be easy 

Oh gee ladies (her nickname ) how you chattered my heart you'll never know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Sounds like you have reached the acceptance phase. Grieve and give the full validation to the meaning it held for you. I still do sometimes.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

What are you doing to get out of your funk?

What are your hobbies?

It's ok to grieve but after 3 years you need to start actively working towards bettering your life. It's not going to happen on the couch, feeling sorry for yourself.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Falling in love...egh...two outcomes, as diverse as possible

but if you can say the ride was worth the fall...you lived and loved

"let's just say" she traversed back into your life

if you have not changed since the D, why would she see you as

attractive now? The moral is....she is gone. Will she come back,

who knows. But you have to prepare the rest of your life as if

she never will.

The main character in my book, Mike, was told the same thing by his friend.

"You can't wait for something to happen that may never be." Mike moved on

and lo and behold....he met someone and took passion to a higher level.

No reason in the world why you can't be "a Mike"


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