# Husband and ED



## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

For the past few months when my hubby and i have sex, he has been getting soft during sex and unable to continue as he can not get hard again. Does this mean he is no longer attracted to me?


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## ifweonly (Feb 27, 2014)

Hi Meli33
It does not necessarily mean a lack of attraction to you but it could mean stress. It could also mean that the blood flow to the penis is not as great as it once was. There are a number of reasons for the blood issue but I am not a doctor and will not go into detail on this forum. Message me if you want to know more.

I am speaking from experience here as some medication just destroyed my sexuality including maintaining an erection. The little blue pill and its knock-offs did not work; I did receive an implant and the problem solved! I have never regretted that surgery and neither has my wife!  Good luck.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

How old is your hubby. Age, general health/circulation, stress, weight all have an effect. As the above poster already mentioned, sexual attraction is not likely, so don't take it personally.

this is the mistake many women make. Do an 'ed' search and read through these threads


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## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

My hubby is 34 and i am 33. His general health is fine. He is fit and not overweight at all. He is a Tradie so is work is quite physical but not stressful at all. 

I was concerned because i did have a baby 3 months ago so am yet to still lose the rest of my baby weight, but in saying that i am not at all overweight.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Could be plenty of factors, does he smoke, diet bad, medication, stress from work, scared getting you pregnant again so soon? No one right answer.


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## Gonecrazy (Oct 12, 2014)

Hi Meli33,
Don't think he is not attracted to you for a second! I had the same kind of thing happen to me not so long ago. 1 year ago i noticed sometimes I would only last 5 min before I would go soft. I just put it down to being tired. I used to be able to last easily 1 to 2 hours in my 20's. I'm 33.

After I realized I was getting ED, it got worse. Total ED for two weeks until the test results from the Dr came back, nothing wrong with me, just stress. Picked up some cardio playing tennis and jogging. Stopped worrying about my pen!s, and I was fine. My wife though I didn't like her any more too.

A couple of times I have even stayed hard after O as early as 3 months after total ED. Stress, Depression, performance anxiety, fatigue, poor self esteem, all these psychological factors have a HUGE impact on a bloke. It just crept up on me.
I though it was age, but no.
Good Luck.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Don't know, but for me once I tried Viagra years ago mid 30's I was hooked. Now I sometimes have sex without it, but usually I take 25mg and on marathon nights 50mg.

I love feeling like I can put my rod through a cinder block wall. I'm on TRT, in shape, etc but even with that my manhood gets harder on Viagra then without, can go for what seems like forever, and refractory period is back to where I was when I was 18.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

ED could be caused by a medical condition. He needs to go to his doc and be honest about it. He needs to get a good full physical exam including bloodwork.

At his age most likely he does not have heart disease, diabetes, or prostate cancer, which are three major possible medical factors. But he needs to get those serious medical conditions ruled out.

It could be a lot of things. His diet, alcohol, nutrition, caffeine, porn, stress, depression, physical injury to his penis or prostate (bike riding or an accident), etc. A back injury such as herniated discs can reduce his skin sensitivity, and thus reduce his level of stimulation. A prostate infection could cause a temporary ED problem. Low Testosterone could be causing it.

The best thing you can do for him is show your concern for his health and be positive that no matter what, the ED does not make you feel badly about yourself or about him. Be positive that whatever the outcome is, it will be fine for both of you.

The worst thing you can do is let him think you now think less of him as a man because of ED. Chances are there is a psych element to this now, even if it started as a random event (yes men randomly will have an episode for no good reason when they cannot get hard during sex), or perhaps there is an underlying medical situation. Then once he has an episode of impotence he will get anxious about it in the future, making it worse. So don't feed into that negative psych thing.

If he starts getting soft, change up what you're doing. Take the spotlight off of his erection! And yes it can seem to him like the whole focus of an encounter is now about how hard he is. So change positions, do something different, etc, but don't say it is because he just started getting soft and so now you're going to do something different.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

I sometimes get soft or can't finish if I'm bored with the same old routine. I don't feel open enough of comfortable with her to change it up. Too much history there. It could also be attraction. Could also be medical. By itself, it doesn't really mean anything. You've got to dig deeper to find out what's going on.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Meli33 said:


> For the past few months when my hubby and i have sex, he has been getting soft during sex and unable to continue as he can not get hard again. Does this mean he is no longer attracted to me?


Have you been mean to him?

Have you asked him questions about his erection like it's his or your fault?

Do you do oral play and kissing before sex?

It doesn't mean he's not attracted to you, something can be in his mind like stress, worry, doubt. 

The best thing you can do for a man where he is starting to lose it is to non-verbally assure him it's ok. Be nice to him and kiss on him or something until he re-rises, let him know you will work with him.

You don't want him to start doubting himself.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Good advice here. But the first thing is to see a urologist. Your husband almost certainly has nothing wrong, but he needs to be checked out.

After that try the things that have been suggested above. And be sure to reassure your husband that you love him. In fact see if there is anything you could to that might give him pleasure -- you might be surprised by some of his answers.


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## Meli33 (Oct 16, 2014)

*Re: Re: Husband and ED*



treyvion said:


> Have you been mean to him?
> 
> Have you asked him questions about his erection like it's his or your fault?
> 
> ...


Haha no i haven't been mean to him. We have a great marriage now and hardly ever fight and are definitely not mean to each other. 

Yes, i asked him last night why he sometimes goes soft and he says he's not sure why. I got upset and asked him if it was me and if he was no longer attracted to me and he said that is definitely not the case. He said he is still very attracted to me. 

Yes, we always start off sex with kissing and oral. I love giving him oral and vice versa.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

Meli33 said:


> Haha no i haven't been mean to him. We have a great marriage now and hardly ever fight and are definitely not mean to each other.
> 
> Yes, i asked him last night why he sometimes goes soft and he says he's not sure why. I got upset and asked him if it was me and if he was no longer attracted to me and he said that is definitely not the case. He said he is still very attracted to me.
> 
> Yes, we always start off sex with kissing and oral. I love giving him oral and vice versa.


You sound like a very good wife.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Happens to my husband once in a while. We still have no idea why but we do know it gets worse if we talk about it bc then he focuses more on it. If he's focusing on getting an erection it's nearly guaranteed he won't get one at all. 

Your reaction is important. Have a bad reaction when it happens and it's sure to happen more often. Make light of it and focus on something else and it's less likely to happen.

I'll admit I have times when I'm so sick of worrying about whether or not he'll have erection issues that it turns me off completely. It's tough for both people. 

If I could give one suggestion it would be to have sex before you eat dinner. There's not a bigger erection killer than fear of farting in the middle of sex...at least according to my DH


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
One of the biggest causes of ED is worrying about ED. Its worth doing everything possible to ignore the problem - find other ways he can please you - do other things for him. Good chance it will just get better.

If it doesn't after a month or two of low sexual stress, then medical help may make sense.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening all
> One of the biggest causes of ED is worrying about ED. Its worth doing everything possible to ignore the problem - find other ways he can please you - do other things for him. Good chance it will just get better.
> 
> If it doesn't after a month or two of low sexual stress, then medical help may make sense.


Absolutely!

I have had occasional short bouts of ED throughout many years, but not enough to seek medical treatment. It just comes and goes, and it's been like that since I was young guy.
Occasional embarassement but no more.

Now that I'm married to a HD wife I have to be on my toes, and sometimes under a bit of pressure. Back in May when was the last time a malfunction, my wife would say "honey, you're not drinking enough protein drinks!" that is a bit annoying.

I notice now since I started doing 5K and 7K I haven't had a malfunction in 6 months. I think a lot of exersize helps too.
Many people say weightlifting.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Meli33 said:


> Haha no i haven't been mean to him. We have a great marriage now and hardly ever fight and are definitely not mean to each other.
> 
> Yes, i asked him last night why he sometimes goes soft and he says he's not sure why. I got upset and asked him if it was me and if he was no longer attracted to me and he said that is definitely not the case. He said he is still very attracted to me.
> 
> Yes, we always start off sex with kissing and oral. I love giving him oral and vice versa.


What happens when he does go soft? Is it over? Do you two keep playing with each other? Can/will he switch the focus from whatever was happening to something else?

Do you two talk about sex and what each of you like or want? How open are those conversations?

ED happens. I think it keeps happening because the right response isn't happening. Whether that's going to the doc for tests, or switching the focus of the sex play to something else and being happy and content with that. Chugging him down when he goes soft...probably won't work and probably masks what is really happening and causing the ED to begin with. Unless his issue is that he feels rejected by you, oral sex isn't going be the Viagara of the moment.

Does he feels rejected by you or is he applying his own rejection to the absense of your behavior that would help him feel wanted? IOW, are you doing things that make him feel rejected, or are you NOT doing things that make him feel loved and wanted. If his ED is caused by rejection, oral sex will help. 

But not often is ED a direct result of rejection.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Meli33 said:


> My hubby is 34 and i am 33. His general health is fine. He is fit and not overweight at all. He is a Tradie so is work is quite physical but not stressful at all.
> 
> I was concerned because i did have a baby 3 months ago so am yet to still lose the rest of my baby weight, but in saying that i am not at all overweight.


My BIL who is 35 also experiences ED. Found low testosterone. Pills taken problem solved. 

It appears the issue is physical. Not mental.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Now my turn!
ED can be caused by diabetes, injury, stress etc etc. But yes it can also be caused by simple loss of sexual interest in your partner.

Sometimes we all lie to save hurting someone.

'Darling....how come you've gone soft in me? Don't I do it for you any more honey?'......'Ummm...no actually you don't'....or....'Sorry darling I'm just tired and stressed out'....

Unless you want a fight etc which option will you pick? If you have gone off your wife she'll know because it won't just be you willy thats limp but your whole marriage in general.


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