# I guess I don't get it after all



## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

I haven't written in awhile but read my last post in 2012 and it was like bringing up all the same stuff with nothing changing.

Quite simply my wife baffles me... 8 years now and it's just not getting any better.. Still no interest in affection is the biggest killer for me... For 6 of 8 years I've begged her.. Please just show me affection. Hug me, cuddle me, tell me nice things etc... But here we are same old BS. Now though she is just meaner.

She seems the typical bitter partner. Never wrong, always right.. And the best fighter, knowing what to say to get me all upset.

She still likes to hang out drinking with friends.. This I really don't care about if it's in moderation. But it's the disrespect that goes along with it. 

Two nights ago she wanted to go to a party at a neighbors house. Gave me about 2 hours notice and basically said I should come and we'd just leave our 7 ,5, 3 yr olds at home. I said are you crazy? We aren't leaving these kids at home by themselves. That's a first!.. So she went. Came home drunk, told me about people she met etc.. I was at home working on my own things like 60 mins on the treadmill, reading a marriage book, meditating and everything else that goes with being told how screwed up you are.. 

Today out with a girlfriends and kids, I come home from work and I have friends of hers staying with us from California. They are sleeping in the boys bed. Ok no problem. Then another friend comes over and she gives me an hour notice saying she is going to the movies with the new girl that popped in and would be home later. Alright, you have a couple here, but your going out with somebody else to see a movie and I'll stay home with the kids. Ok again I guess I can live with it... But kicker is she comes home with the girlfriend who now has an overnight bag. She is now staying the night in our bed with my wife. Now I have my wife sleeping in the family bed with her GF. The two guests sleeping in the boys bed. I automatically thought oh I guess I'm sleeping downstairs in the office with all the kids... But I just wanted to confirm all this and ask her why she didn't happen to mention all this.. Just a simple, "hey could you just tell me when we are going to have a house full of guests and I'm left without a choice to sleep in my office with all 3 kids. And maybe a heads up on the movies so I can organize the kids a bit better".. I mean I have marriage books to read, exercise to do because she thinks I'm fat (175 pounds) 5'10.. And meditation to keep myself at peace.. Before I ask anything, I can give a little bit more info... I have been reading 2 books a week (for a month) on boundaries, marriage, sex to help our marriage. Even sending her excerpts from the books and trying to get her to discuss our relationship. I've been working out nonstop to lose the 44 year old weight that every man my age probably gets. She calls me the Italian Walrus. Well she's a Vegan and weighs 98 pounds and doesn't work having plenty of time to get some workouts in so in her mind she's perfect. I've tried to get her discuss the no affection thing over and over lately as well...

Here is her response to me asking about if she could please let me know when I'm in a situation where im sleeping basically with 3 kids and taking care of the kids for her outing etc without any notice after a long day at the office.. 

"oh my god here we go again you putting your thumb down.. One step forward 5 backwards. What's your effing problem? "

All in all I don't think you can make somebody get back into the relationship without both people doing it together. Obviously I'm the one putting the thoughts and efforts into it because I'd like the see it work.. But she seriously has zero interest in improving the situation...

Is it crazy the request I made?.. I guess it would be kind of different if we were a normal couple who had sex normally, treated each other nicely etc.. for me to not even think about something like this and letting it bother me.. But it's just part of the bigger problem of her not giving one once of what I think, how I feel etc.

Anyway thanks for the vent.. Take care.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Simple answer, you are married to an immature child, who is not marriage material. Your words mean nothing to her, and you have to ask yourself what am I going to do, instead of what am I going to say. Insanity is doing the same thing over, hoping for a different result. It is your fear that is holding you back. I get that sense from you, and anyone dissecting your words can see that too. Use your smarts, get a shark of a lawyer, document everything, keep all text, and voice messages, capture video on your phone when she comes home drunk, and it is fear that leads to inaction. You do realize that your wife can mess up the characters of your children. They are picking up on behavior to learn. If you really cared about your kids, you would do what is best. If they grow to learn to disrespect you like their mother, imagine the type of people they would become.


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

Mr. Fisty

Thanks man.. I'm actually sitting down in a chair in my office.. 3 kids next to me in my office bed thinking what the heck am I doing. It is fear I think. Part of it I think as well is I think endlessly what I can do to get her to change back to what she was.. It's like a game. A game I've played over and over for years.. Like a puzzle that I have to finish.. This woman will just not ever see her faults, say sorry for any wrong doings or feel any empathy for what she puts me thru. I've got journals and videos. Actually went thru them the other night.. 2009-present the videos are dated and they are all the same, me holding the babies arguing with her as she comes home drunk or lies in bed drunk... One video she was drunk telling me she thought I'd make more money, I make low 6 figures lol. Guess not what she was thinking. Videos of her drunk on the floor passed out. Just recently found out her sister was in town during New Years and they met a couple guys in a taxi line and ended up at a hotel room with them. She claims she went for a second and couldn't get her sister to leave. Then during their argument which exposed it, I find out the sister tried to get my wife with 3 kids to kiss to random guy for New Years.. It's all like a total joke. And she has the better part of me as I lost both parents 2 years ago in the same month. So I have no fan club or people to discuss issues with. And whenever I try discussing it or ask her what she's thinking it's the same old, "oh my god, can you just leave me alone. Your verbally abusing me"... I'm thinking verbally abusing you? Huh? I trying to figure out what's going on with this woman I married. Can't ask one question... Anything I do gets no applause.. It's actually embarrassing some of the stuff over the years.. She actually wrote me MY New Years resolutions a few years ago. It was six pages. I said ok I have no problem improving myself then looked at the 6 page resolutions and saw things like, "will be a snowboarder dad", "will work out", "will lose weight".. And I kind of thought this girl wants me to be a 22 year old skinny jeans college kid who snowboards??? Or a good father, provider and a good husband? I asked her so what are her resolutions.. She said "to make sure you do yours".. It's just crazy. There's just so many things I've forgot that sitting writing helps me remember some of the junk I've dealt with. Like bringing this girl friend of hers to my class reunion. The two of them actually drove together and I drove alone. Funny thing is after child 2 the doctor wanted her to go on Zoloft. She insisted she was fine. I told him I'll take it please for myself I can't take it. I mean this girl doesn't have it that bad imo. We live on a golf course, she's never worked, she has a nanny to help.. But I just can't get her to connect with the family. What 33 year old walks around with her phone looking at texts and stuff 24/7 while she has beautiful children to be with. I can't keep up with all her stuff. We eat what she wants which is Vegan. We obey her NO sodas, NO Gatorade, NO this and that.. But you are right about affecting the kids. My 5 year old son walks around telling people Gatorade causes cancer because the food discipline at the house. Tonight I just got ticked a bit because basically I walked in, she was taking off, the kids were running around, macaroni was boiling over the stove and she was upstairs getting ready. Seriously I need to focus on the kids. You are 100% correct.


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Spoiled.
Disrespectful.
Entitled.
Unhappy with her married life.

She has checked out. 
You already have a nanny, give her more hours work and kick your wife out.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Man up.

Read Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011, Athol Kay. 

You'll be surprised by what you learn.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

The honeymoon period of your relationship is no way to judge a relationship. That infatuation stage can last up to 5 years, and once that wears out, usually people will become the person before the romance begins. You are too focus on the past, and that past her was a while back, not even recent. You have to start detaching, and look up symptoms of narcissism, because I think she would rate high. We all have narcissism to some degree, but she is probably higher than normal. You have to find acceptance now, and mentally tell that to yourself. Your holding onto an imaginary her instead of the real her. You want the fantasy more than the reality. When you see her, you have to let go of the past.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

She doesn't love or respect you. Yet she goes out to places where it is expected that men hook up with women. She does it A LOT. And all of those men are young, hot and successful. I'd LOVE to know how many men she's partied with. Kissed? Screwed? There are A LOT of men in her recent past that you will never know about. Sounds like women too.



sportscorsair said:


> We met here in Las Vegas when she was on a vacation from abroad.


You married a party girl. And party girls like to party with men. Wonder why she flew 5,000 miles to vacation in Vegas? And she met a man there. Screwed him, I'll bet. Possibly after only knowing him for a few hours. (I'm talking about you, if you didn't figure it out yet). If this were a novel, I believe they'd call this "foreshadowing".

Now for my advice:

1 - Read up on the 180.
2 - Learn it, Live it, Love it.
3 - Prepare for divorce.

How could you POSSIBLY live this way? She is a danger to herself and her kids. YOUR kids.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Sorry to be harsh, but... Find where she's hidden your testicles and take them back. Rather than focusing on your marriage, start focusing on why you're willing to put up with being treated as an ATM and babysitter. Then start making a stand for yourself. 

You say you've been reading all these books... What boundaries have you actually implemented successfully?

C


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Dude, go back and re-read your first post here:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...8-confused-why-my-wife-just-plain-bitter.html

Your wife has been throwing up red flags for cheating on you your entire marriage, yet you've apparently biried your head in the sand the whole time. What advice did you take from the help you got two years ago? When are you actually going to do something, instead of reading books and posting every couple of years?

C


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

First of all, begging never works. It only makes you look pathetic. 

Second, what's your question? How can I beg and plead or otherwise force an immature, self centered jerk to stop being one? Answer: you can't. 

But you can keep making yourself look more pathetic. Here's a piece of advice for you: stop knocking out kids with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

I suggest you file and have her served. She could use a surprise from you.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> First of all, begging never works. It only makes you look pathetic.
> 
> Second, what's your question? How can I beg and plead or otherwise force an immature, self centered jerk to stop being one? Answer: you can't.
> 
> But you can keep making yourself look more pathetic. *Here's a piece of advice for you: stop knocking out kids with her.*


Given that she's been at this for a few years, that's assuming an awful lot.


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

My ex acted similar to this in our last few months together. She wanted to bar hop, dance with other guys, leave me home with our two young sons and then when I objected, she said I was making too many rules. She doesn't want a marriage, like my ex didn't, she is still single and 49 years old, we divorced in 1994. She isn't going to change and there is nothing you can do about it. You're the built in babysitter and that is all. My ex thankfully cheated and divorced me, giving me no choice to make, but you have to make this one yourself and for your children. Please save yourself!!!!!!!!!!


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## Binji (Jun 25, 2014)

The problem isn't your wife. The problem is you.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Given that she's been at this for a few years, that's assuming an awful lot.


Perhaps, but he says he's known about bad behavior and has been begging for 6 years and has a 5 and 2 year old. That's why I said that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> Perhaps, but he says he's known about bad behavior and has been begging for 6 years and has a 5 and 2 year old. That's why I said that.


Yeah I know. And ditto... the math is suspicious.


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## neglected42 (Aug 11, 2014)

Your wife sounds like my husband in many ways. Her sense of entitlement regarding a good time is HUGE, while you are left with all the responsibilities. I too have spent many a year trying to figure out how to fix the marriage, fix my husband's alcohol problem, etc, etc. I have figured out that alcoholics with a huge sense of entitlement and no empathy are almost impossible to change. (I know......miracles do happen sometimes)

You are putting a lot of time an effort into doing everything you can to fix your wife and marriage. It is time to reallocate those efforts. Read the books suggested by the men above. Detach from your wife. (This is something I did months ago. It feels great!) Go and see a lawyer. This is very empowering. It will let you know what you can expect financially and custody wise in a divorce. From there start planning. Get ready. 

When you have kids, the planning stage can be a long one. You are trying to get all your ducks in a row to make the transition as easy as possible for the children. You will feel stronger and stronger as you go through this planning phase. You will start to see options.

If, during all this, your wife notices and turns herself around. Great! (Don't count on it). If she continues to be herself, you will have every detail figured out and can make that much needed exit.


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## changedbeliefs (Jun 13, 2014)

She doesn't want to be married. Oblige her. /story.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> Yeah I know. And ditto... the math is suspicious.


Oh, I don't think I got your meaning the first time. But you're right, I assumed they were his.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

SC: It's painfully obvious that your party-girl W has her priorities situated somewhere about 180 degrees from where yours lie. You are no longer a priority in her life(if you ever were one) and with actions speaking louder than words, your children certainly aren't to be found anywhere on her maternalistic radar ~ being summarily relegated to taking a back seat to the likes of her skanky, party-girl GF.

You've done everything that is possible to try to preserve this absolute sham of a marriage, but now it's time to truly put the family priorities in order. Unfortunately, that does not include her!

Get your butt to a good family lawyer who has a reputation for being a piranha on the courthouse, and have her served with divorce papers posthaste, having her thrown out of the house, the locks changed, and her out of there, so that you and those kids can be the family for each other that you truly are!

In time, you will find a a loving woman who will love you for who you are, and the kids as well! You all deserve so much more out of life! 

Welcome to TAM! Hate to see you here but you've certainly come to the right place!


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
I want you to know that I do not mean this to be sarcastic or facetious in any way. I am completely serious when I say that you sir do not have a wife, you have a teenage daughter. I would estimate her age to be in the 16-19 year range. This is unfortunate since she has given birth to offspring which will rely on her and you for their rearing. You must treat her as the immature child that she is. Going out partying, coming home drunk and having sleepovers wherein her and her GF sleep in your marital bed and on a school night no less. I can only assume that pillow fights ensue as they talk about all the cute boys they saw. 

These are not the actions of a mature adult woman and especially not a mother. You mentioned her complaining that you are controlling and at times "put your foot down". Well you are not controlling enough and your foot has seen too little action. You must either begin to treat her as her actions demand or D her asap and move on to find a mature woman that can give your children a stable mother figure and the nurturing and protection that they need from a mom.

You must limits her nights out to times when the children will be least affected and you must set a curfew so that she is in by a reasonable hour. Sleepovers will only be permitted with several days advanced notice and prior approval. Alcohol use must be limited and driving drunk is not an option, there must be a designated driver selected on each GNO that will involve drinking. She must be assigned chores and no going partying will be permitted until all the chores are done, period. She must be given a modest allowance and any spending beyond that must be from her resources, not yours. If this means she gets a job to support her teenage lifestyle then so be it. I'm sure McDonalds or Starbucks is hiring.

Is this how you want to live? I'm sorry but this is your option if you want anything reasonable from her at all. She must be shown how life really works. Or you can D and move on, your choice. Best of luck.


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Your wife doesn't respect you and you have accepted that for a long time. I am usually against divorce, but in this case, I encourage it!


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Your wife has no respect for you.

You are a paycheque.

She will do whatever she wants because she knows that it has no consequences.

The only way to deal with a woman like this is to take the kids and all of the assets and kick her ass out and make her fend for herself.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

Document as much as possible regarding her drinking and staying out - then file for divorce and try to gain primary custody. Sorry you are in such a sh*tty situation, it sounds terrible.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

sportscorsair said:


> And the best fighter, knowing what to say to get me all upset.
> 
> it's the disrespect that goes along with it.


You're a Nice Guy and a Doormat. Of course nothing is changing. Why should it? You accept getting treated like crap, she hates you even more for being a weakling, so she treats you worse, you accept it, which makes her even madder, and so on.

Did you read No More Mr Nice Guy? Are you in IC to learn how to be a strong person? Are you working on standing up for yourself? No? Then you're getting what you're accepting.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You don't have 3 kids at home - you have 4. A 33 year old woman who kicks her husband out of his bed so she can have a slumber party with her girlfriend is behaving like a 12 year old.

She has house guests showing up without informing you and wants to leave a 7, 5 and 3 yr old home alone so you and she can party? Who are these people she calls friends?

Face it - not only is she not wife material, she isn't mother material either. Divorce and get 100% custody because you won't be able to trust her to take care of the kids. The judge isn't going to give any weight to the fact that she is a vegan and weighs a mere 98 lbs.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Are you positive those kids are yours?

Sounds like she could care less about you and bet she's been cheating on you for years. I don't think there is a thing you can do to save this marriage unless you want to live the rest of you life under these conditions.

Time to do a 180 for yourself and your kids.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

OP... how long are you willing to whine about this and play the victim role before you've had enough and actually DO something about your bad situation???

You should have kicked this woman to the curb years ago if all you report here is true.

It's not too late to kick her out and get on with your life.

You should go to individual counseling to find out WHY you are willing to take all this cr*p from her. Then come up with a plan to either wake her up to her shortcomings and effect a real change, or it's time for one of you to pack it up, move along.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

If she suddenly comes up pregnant again I would ask for a paternity test before I put my name on that birth certificate.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Let me show you all the beta male moves you made in just one post, with the most egregious highlighted. Basically, an alpha male would NEVER accept ANY of this crap. She treats you this way because you allow it and she despises you for allowing it. The FIRST thing you need to do is tell her to get a job because you are no longer giving her any money outside of groceries:


sportscorsair said:


> I haven't written in awhile but read my last post in 2012 and it was like bringing up *all the same stuff with nothing changing*.
> 
> Quite simply my wife baffles me... 8 years now and it's just not getting any better.. Still* no interest in affection* is the biggest killer for me... For 6 of 8 years *I've begged her*.. Please *just show me affection. Hug me, cuddle me, tell me nice things* etc... But here we are same old BS. Now though she is just meaner.
> 
> ...


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## woundedwarrior (Dec 9, 2011)

I am guilty of some of those things, but am slowly erasing them. I don't have my "man card" back yet, but it's been under review for noticeable improvements
I don't know a woman on this planet that would respect someone that acts this way. I believe that women want the fear of losing you and not vice versa. Men aren't allowed to display weakness, we have to hide our insecurities.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

turnera said:


> Let me show you all the beta male moves you made in just one post, with the most egregious highlighted. Basically, an alpha male would NEVER accept ANY of this crap. She treats you this way because you allow it and she despises you for allowing it. The FIRST thing you need to do is tell her to get a job because you are no longer giving her any money outside of groceries:


I kind of love you in a respectful kind of way! Oh hell! You rock woman!&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are a large part of the problem because you do not really stand up for yourself and have taught your wife that it’s ok for her to treat you the way she does and do the things she does.

You seem very worried about the fact that you wife does not love you. I’m more concerned that you do not love yourself. 

As you have noticed, years of words, years of begging and pleading, years of being a doormat have not worked. When words do not work, stop using words and use action.

If my husband had friends sleeping in our bed and in the kids beds, such that me and he kids had no place to sleep, I would go to the ‘friends’ and ask them to leave my house. I would make ti very uncomfortable for them to stay there. And I would have a VAR or video going the entire time to make sure that no one could accuse me of anything. There is no way I would allow myself and my children to be thrown out of our own beds and our own rooms.

You marriage has been dead for a long time. See a lawyer and file for divorce. Do not talk to her about it ahead of time. Just let her be served.

DNA test all of your children. You can get the kits at most drug stores. You can do the test without her knowing and more importantly without your children knowing that you are making sure they are your biological children.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

If she were gonna have girl friend in the bed it would be tight because there would be 3 of us. I would be in my bed. They can have the office cot. My kids might double bunk but I'll be damned if they are gonna be kicked out of their beds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thenub (Oct 3, 2014)

Wow!!! Less nut than a Milky Way bar.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Dude. Take your balls out of her purse and file for divorce. This is ridiculous, and you should have done this years ago. See my signature.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

You need individual counseling ASAP. 

If a psychological evaluation were ordered by a family court for you and your wife, it would probably conclude that the two of you are an unfit parents.

Your wife is solely responsible for her bad behavior and bad choices but YOU have helped contribute greatly to the toxic environment you and your kids find yourselves in.

The next time she comes with her friends and tries to kick you and your children out of your bedrooms so they can party, *call the police*. Her "friends" will not enjoy the drama and will leave. If your wife is stupid to physically attack you while the police are present, she will get her @$$ hauled off to jail. You could later petition the court for an RO that will keep her away from you and the kids.

Stop being a gentleman to a woman who is not, and probably never will be, a lady.


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## Kresaera (Nov 8, 2014)

First of all, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I read your first post and it's obvious she is not into the marriage. Like someone else said, she is basically a teenager and you are her father. 

Get a DNA test for your youngest 2 kids, I hope they are yours, but it doesn't seem that way from what you said in your first post. I hope I'm wrong. 

Look up the "180" and live it. Stop begging her to be affectionate. It's not going to happen. She acts this way because there are no consequences for her actions. She banks on the fact that you will always be there to watch the kids whenever she needs you to. 

Good Luck to you, sir. **Hugs(safe)**


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

I appreciate all the truth here... And I've decided to make changes .. I'm done.. You're all very smart...

Over the past what 14 months it's just got unbearable.. And me more pathetic. When somebody can't tell you they don't want a divorce I know it's time to go... Well,and all the rest more importantly ... But that did it for me. 

Now she just does anything she pleases and has spent 4 months of the last 12 in Australia with her brother who is sick.. I can understand wanting to be there for your brother but whew she has forgotten what's at home. Now an 8 year old, 7 year old and 5... Oh and the idiot husband.

In the past 14 months I got worse with the pleading for a good marriage thing. To the point I couldn't function I was so numb.

I found out she was doing cocaine during the summer with some friends. Hanging out drunk with them again and once more asked to leave the bed so her GF could pass out in it.

She isn't in any way here for me emotionally, sexually, financially, or even as a friend. I don't need another kid nor a roommate. 

It will be hard for me I admit because I love my kids, but I know I should be able to get them partially... And hard because all I tried to fix never bringing any result... But...

This has come to fruition in the past few weeks where I just woke up one day and knew there is somebody out there who can be all I want. 

I'm 45 and I deserve better imo. When the time is right and I get the courage, the ducks in a row etc.. I'm lawyering up and fighting for the kids and my sanity. Enough is enough.

Thanks everyone for chiming in.. I looked back at this as I had been so busy in the last year and it even gave me more confidence in my decisions.

Thanks


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

Glad you are taking their advice.
Just follow through in taking it...and you found out your wife is doing drugs? Do you have documentation? I'd be gathering everything I could. 
Sorry but I wouldn't want my children around that.



Sent from my iPhone


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, I really do not understand you. Why have you put yourself (and your kids) through all this for so long. More than two years ago the following was abundantly clear to all who read your thread:



Your "wife" does not like you let alone love you.


She was/is resentful about having to be married to you and tied down.


She was clearly worried about life passing her by without her being able to do what she wants and "enjoy" herself.


Every (and I mean every) other person that she got involved with took precedence over you - friends, people she just met and partied with, everyone!


She somehow knew that you wouldn't do anything about it.


She doesn't (didn't) really want kids. 


She was (is) probably fvcking other people so no need for sex with you.


So why did you stay ???? If you collected 1% of what she did as evidence (drugs, abandonment, partying, drinking, adultery etc), you would be granted primary custody of the kids - hell, I would think that you could even push for supervised visits when she was with the kids. All you would have to do is protect yourself legally and financially, do the 180 to help your mind heal, file for divorce and get on with your life. You would have found a wonderful person by now who would love you and help you with your family too.


This was always a no-brainer to me but I never really understood why you would stay with someone that was so dishonest, disrespectful, abusive and immoral!

Still, it is good to see that you are now (finally) starting to come out of whatever trance you were in and are taking the right steps.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't just talk about it .... Do it.

And go for full custody before she does something to them that you will regret.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

syhoybenden said:


> Don't just talk about it .... Do it.
> 
> And go for full custody before she does something to them that you will regret.


:iagree:

You should have no problem at all getting full custody. She's not even there for long stretches of time. I presume she's got to be paying for all of this partying somehow. Will the financial records show her spending loads of money at bars and liquor stores?

Your bigger worry is if the records don't.... In that case a man is paying the $$$ and she's paying another way.

I will echo syhoybenden. I have a neighbor who's son was in your position. He didn't fight, let his ex have 50/50 custody. One day mom partied too hard and died of an overdose. Her grandson is pretty messed up from watching what mom did.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

lifeistooshort said:


> First of all, begging never works. It only makes you look pathetic.
> 
> Second, what's your question? How can I beg and plead or otherwise force an immature, self centered jerk to stop being one? Answer: you can't.
> 
> ...


OP, are you sure all of these kids are yours?

IamSomebody


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Talk to a lawyer now, they can get all the duck in a row for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mike1911 (Mar 26, 2016)

Sounds like she is a selfish person. I'm going through the same thing right now from my wife. Turns out she was cheating on me while I was deployed in our house. A year ago I took up Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and lost 50 pounds. I was fat and now I'm shredded. I work a lot too. My wife's lover does small construction jobs so he had time for her. He lives with his mother. She's only with me now for the kids and a roof.


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