# HELP wife diagnosed with severe bipolar



## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

I have posted in going through divorce but now it has turned into a mental health issue. In short wife of 12 years always lied an stole from me then bankrupted my business 5 years ago, we stayed together. We have three small children 2,6,8. wife continued stealing money and lying to me with the possibility of an affair, not sure. In october she asked for seperation, I left, she moved a guy into my home with my kids withing 2 weeks, got tongue pierced (shes 40) I fell apart didnt really feel like living of heartbreak. Found out guy was criminal drug dealer with warrants and hurt my kid(physically) had him arrested. Next day wife tries to commit suicide by pills and drowning. judge gave me kids and house. Wife went to hospital for 4 days, no treatment. I would not let her in the home. She moved into friends , fell more apart, had an affair with another girl, saw the drug dealer again for a bit. I had filed for divorce, she fought me for custody didnt win. 4 weeks ago we talked and i knew she was somewhat better, we took kids to disney and she moved back in after but wasnt right one minute to next very depressed. Then last sunday i caught her trying to abandon us caught her backing out of driveway. Had her sectioned, she was very paranoid and thought i was out to get her. Yesterday they finally diagnosed her with severe bipolar 2. She on effexor, depakote, serequil and adivan. (there was never any substance abuse, im sure of that) SOOO Has she been bipolar all along, but why has it gotten so crazy now, she says she loves me and wants to come home Tuesday back to the house. My poor children have suffered so much in last 5 months. What do I do, can I live with this person forever and let her back into my life again and I read bipolar disorder never really goes away, only treatable PLEASE NEED ADVISE


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Give her about two months of med compliance and successful therapy track record before you begin to discuss her moving back. The kids must have a stable safe place and she won't be stable enough to make safe decisions for 6-8 weeks. It might be best that she stay elsewhere for a month or two and prove that she is serious about her mental health needs. Does she have family she can stay with?

I am not a clinician and do not have facts to give you regarding the onset of mental illness. I do know that over a long course of time, being stable on meds can "reset" the brain chemistry. I don't know how often that happens though.

I think you should talk to her therapist and get accurate specific info on your wife before you make any decisions. If she is serious about getting help, she will allow this. If she doesn't allow it, you have your answer.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I remember you. Weren't you suicidal yourself and living in your office? 
If it was just you I would say maybe take her back. 
I have a degree in psych and used to work in a mental hospital, I've had many friends who were bipolar. It is extremely difficult to keep bipolar people on their meds. They can't stand the normality of it and they miss the rush of being manic. 
We had many people who had been in and out of the hospital for years and years because they wouldn't stay on the medication. 
Her behavior has been so erratic and your kids have been traumatized. I wouldn't let her back in. Even on medication they can still have lack of insight and poor judgement. She has a long road of healing ahead of her. 
She now has to mentally deal with everything she's done and figure out what it all means. 
I'd say two months is nothing. Maybe two years if that. 
What's worse is there is a thing called "kindling". Everytime they go off their medication their symptoms get worse. 

She needs to figure out how to live and heal on her own. Your kids have already seen too much and been through too much.
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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

Yes diwali that was me, i was indeed devastated by my wifes seperation and om moving into my house. I hope you got to read my threads and how time progressed, its an amazing story. From my reading it seems people with bipolar disorder are essentially never trustworthy and you will always be looking over your shoulder, she thinks she is coming home tomorrow. I called my attorney to update him and he said it might not be a good idea to move her back in. I just feel like the kids need her and im so confused, they do love their mother but what could the future bring ?? im scared of what she is capable of, shes bankrupted me, signed huge loans in my name, endangered the kids. I have custody of the kids right now still this is never gonna work is it???


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## somethingelse (Jun 20, 2012)

Prayer is a powerful thing and it doesn't hurt


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

The meds should help in 2-3 months. Bipolar can appear anytime. Not an excuse, but an explanation. On the right meds (which can be trial and error) they can have good insight and good judgement. I have the disorder myself, and although challenging, it can be controlled and managed quite well. I have been with my man for 24 years with only minor problems.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

It sounds like a big mess, and I'm sorry you're going through all of this. IMO, you both need to get your heads together and your lives, sometimes the only way to do that is when you separate yourself from the chaotic mess that helps to keep you where you are.


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

I have never heard of severe bipolar, although it very well may be true. I have heard of someone having more than one mental illness, like having bipolar along with something else. Thats kinda what it sounds like to me.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Jamison said:


> I have never heard of severe bipolar, although it very well may be true. I have heard of someone having more than one mental illness, and in bipolar along with something else. Thats kinda what it sounds like to me.


heightened bipolar activity can be so messed up that it can even be mistook for schizophrenia (the racing and disconnected manic thoughts can really manifest itself in some scary ways)


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> heightened bipolar activity can be so messed up that it can even be mistook for schizophrenia (the racing and disconnected manic thoughts can really manifest itself in some scary ways)


I'm sure. Scary indeed.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Brother I'm really sorry but you need to not let this person back in. Can you really take the risk of a relapse? Do you not want peace in your families lives? You are taking a huge gamble with your life.
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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

effexor, depakote, seroquel and ativan.....

For most of those the side effects are schizophrenic behavior and psychotic affect. Hard to tell what's working and what isn't.

Effexor has THE shortest metabolic half life of all SNRIs. Going off them after your serotonin levels are raised can be disastrous. It is THE hardest antidepressant to quit.

Depakote is an anti convulsant and the side effects include liver failure, pancreatitis and brain damage. Very odd that they would give it for DEPRESSIVE episodes since it will make them worse. 

Seroquel is an anti schizophrenic anti psychotic with all the latent side effects of similar drugs such as permanent tardive dyskinesia and seizures that depakote is ostensibly supposed to treat.

Ativan is Lorazepam (or benzodiazapine). Side effects include depression (not so strangely since it's a depressant) and glaucoma. Also rarely, hyperactive moods.

I am not a doctor but I think this is a huge risk. I don't believe your doctor has a clear idea what they're doing or treating. 

I am a BP-1 who has had fairly good success with Lithium, an SSRI or SNRI (I've run through about a dozen) and Adderall, Ritalin or Dexedrine. Personally, I would never ever use Depakote or Seroquel and the tranquilizer is pointless, I think.


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## Anabel (Dec 21, 2012)

From personal experience I have a lot of belief in the ability of people with severe mental illness to manage it, with or without medications.

But in your situation, I would say to keep her away from your kids (except for maybe short visitations if that seems ok with them and her) until she finds a way to remain stable, for a year or two at least. Mental illness isn't literally contagious of course, but it has a way of rubbing off on people and changing them. It's a traumatic thing, is all I'm trying to say. And your kids have seen a lot already. Good luck.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I would wait for 6 months to a year and see if she can be stabilized with medication and therapy. You and your children have been through too much to let her come home right now.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Of course they love her. Kids love their parents. It doesn't mean that their parents should live with them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bcc (Oct 8, 2012)

well i picked her up from the hospital and she was so lovable and happy and was telling me how much she loved me etc i decided to bring her home, then she began dropping way off to a state of depression and is hardly talking to me wtf?? they took her off the effexor and seraquil and went up on the depakote to 1000mg and started her on wellbutrin today she is in outpatient daily full time. What a rollercoaster ride i feel like i cant take it , I feel like something else is coming around the corner too and im worried about it. She isnt happy with her diagnosis thinks she is fine, im afraid she will stop all the meds, how can she not see how her own behavior has been so crazy, does she think people act that way? we were so happy for 4 hours the day i picked her up and now it has all turned to s**t and she is treating me like s**t and ive been helping her so much . what am i gonna do???????????


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Ask her doctor or the hospital social worker if there are any residential treatment centers that she can go to. Check with your insurance company to see what they cover, or if she is eligible for Medicaid. She may have to agree to commit herself, so be careful how you approach her about this. Do not let her stay with you; she needs professional care that you cannot provide at home.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I would talk to the social worker about getting her help with housing. If she thinks nothing is wrong she isn't going to stay on her medication.
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