# Sex is not exciting



## unx3 (Aug 25, 2012)

My wife and I have been married for 20 years. We are both 42 years old with two sons (10 and 15). She was a virgin when we got married and when we went on our honeymoon we tried to do it but nothing happened. So while most people talk about their wedding night I have nothing to compare with it. But that was 20 years ago and we first had sex after we were married for three years and trying off and on unsuccessfully (I was able to but she complained of too much pain). 

Sex did get more frequent where we have it at the most once a week which has been the standard. We have had sex in the shower but very rare. I have given her oral sex but she never gave me oral sex. She feels it is disgusting. We only have sex in one position during the whole time which is either her on top or missionary. In 2002, she let me use my hand on her vagina which she found so great that she could not wait for me to do it again and even looked forward to it. But that was very short-lived (about two months). She does not let me put a finger in her vagina or even my hand in that area. We did end up getting a back massager which she let me use on her (not her back of course) and she loved it. We have forgone that massager and use a smaller massager. Now I have been forced out of the picture and she uses the massager while I am allowed to watch then when she gets off she says that now it is my turn to have fun. It is like sexual intercourse is for my pleasure only and it feels like we both are together but totally separate in our own sex acts. There is no oral sex or the use of my hands or fingers, there is no other position change during sex and location is always the bed. Our foreplay is me watching her get off before it is "my turn". Am I alone in the fact that my wife does not give me oral sex or part of a very small minority group? I am not a demanding person and don't like to see sex as just for my pleasure. I think it should be a "together thing". I just need to know how I can get her to be more into sex and even oral sex.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

I dont think oral sex should be your focus here. It sounds like sexually you couldnt connect all these years. It should be an act you do together. Maybe she doesnt know or feel that. Did you try talking to her?


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## unx3 (Aug 25, 2012)

She knows and feels that. After 20 years of doing this I do think I have talked to her but when she tunes you out or it goes to an argument you lose focus on what needs to be discussed.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

This doesnt need to turn into an argument. Does she tell you that she is satisfied with the way things are?


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

not healthy (imo) you should be able to touch your wife and she should enjoy it and love it. I am not sure what to tell you because the answer is obvious. 

Best of luck


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

What books have you both read on the subject of better sex?


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## unx3 (Aug 25, 2012)

She is happy with the way things are. We (well she) have not read any books. She won't read that stuff.


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## dallasapple (Jun 20, 2012)

She might read Intimacy Ignited..its Christian based ..Song of Solomon break down..It was for me "freeing" becasue it turned what I would have believed "naughty into a blessing..What I would have normally thought i should hide and be ashamed of into well..lets say a GIFT..


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Have you ever asked your wife, point blank, if she's ever been satisfied with you as a lover? It's telling that she has enough drive to get herself off, in the way she likes to get off, but has no use for you anymore.


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## chiben (Jun 26, 2012)

She might need to free herself. The big thing is you have to ask her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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