# Here we go again and again and again!



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

After moving on from my “friend” who tried to string me along and I kept going back- I blocked and deleted him from all ways of contact.

No going back to that. Thank you to all who helped. (You know who you are) anyways.... there’s a guy that I’ve went on a few dates with, and we hit it off! Great convo, laughs, feel comfortable etc. well there was no spark when we kissed and I didn’t want to move forward intimately. He must’ve felt the same, because he said he didn’t either.
A few weeks go by, and he contacts me- how are you etc. I think he went out with a couple more and it didn’t work. Ok fine... he starts saying we could go out and enjoy each other’s company and give it another go.
He’s nice, Christian, is a good dad, responsible. I’m not sure I feel sexual chemistry. But then again, I feel that he may be going down that FWB road as they all tend to do.

Any advice?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Hi Sue,

Not to be harsh .... drop him!

Lets be honest. You don't want to tie up any emotional fulfillment in a man you don't have desire for when you could expend that energy elsewhere. 

I know it sounds like a great story to believe in friends of the opposite sex but as a man I can almost assure you that he is only following your lead of "not feeling it"
in hopes that you soon will. 

If your true intention is to find some marriage material .... he likely isn't it.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Do you want a fwb? If you do then agree to meet up with him,if you don’t want a fwb relationship stay away from him. 
Sue you have to take control of your own life. Nobody else is going to do it for you.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

No offense but if he wants a FWB relationship he is not really a practicing Christian. Not judging just saying the two don't really go together.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Yea I guess you’re right.
He asked what I wanted. I told him I like a companion to go out with and do stuff- movies, listen to a band, beach etc but I want to be exclusive sexually. He said what you want is a FWB. I’m not looking for marriage.
But I don’t want to be a “secret” or a side piece. The last guy was in and on and off and lied to me and wanted me when him and his GF were off. I’m not a toy or a temp till you figure it out.
So I’m not sure what to think about this guy.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Maybe it's time to forget about romantic relationships all together and get comfortable with that. Once you do you will be in a much better position to make decisions. You can't force it as you have learned.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

N-E-X-T.

I had this happen to me several times when I dated. When the men contacted me again, I told them that I wasn't sure if I should be offended they culled through their old date file out of desperation, or be impressed that they're so organized.

Don't be someone's second best or afterthought. You've tried the FWB thing. In Dr. Phil's voice-"How's that workin for ya?"


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

It’s not I guess lol


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> Yea I guess you’re right.
> He asked what I wanted. I told him I like a companion to go out with and do stuff- movies, listen to a band, beach etc but I want to be exclusive sexually. *He said what you want is a FWB.* I’m not looking for marriage.
> But I don’t want to be a “secret” or a side piece. The last guy was in and on and off and lied to me and wanted me when him and his GF were off. I’m not a toy or a temp till you figure it out.
> So I’m not sure what to think about this guy.


So now he's telling you what you want? Nuh uh honey. You can do better than that.

Is it you that's not looking for marriage or did he say that?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Also Sue - don't ever settle. Ever. You are not a consolation prize. You are THE prize!

After my last relationship, when I was ready to date again, I made a decision that I was not going to settle, and I wouldn't accept anything but the best. I'd rather be single than settle. I raised the bar really high. That's when I met my husband.

I went on fewer dates, and it took a bit longer - but he was worth the wait


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Move on. If there is no chemistry with this man keep searching for that chemistry in someone else. You will find it.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Sue4473 said:


> He’s nice, Christian, is a good dad, responsible. I’m not sure I feel sexual chemistry. But then again, I feel that he may be going down that FWB road as they all tend to do.


Remember when “Christian” excluded the whole “FWB” concept?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

sokillme said:


> No offense but if he wants a FWB relationship he is not really a practicing Christian. Not judging just saying the two don't really go together.


Yep


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Yep to all of it


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

frusdil said:


> Also Sue - don't ever settle. Ever. You are not a consolation prize. You are THE prize!
> 
> After my last relationship, when I was ready to date again, I made a decision that I was not going to settle, and I wouldn't accept anything but the best. I'd rather be single than settle. I raised the bar really high. That's when I met my husband.
> 
> I went on fewer dates, and it took a bit longer - but he was worth the wait


So was your husband the prize or we're you?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> So was your husband the prize or we're you?


I would say he was, he would say I am, lol


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

frusdil said:


> I would say he was, he would say I am, lol


Sorry. I'm just not a fan of the "prize" talk. I understand the idea behind your comments, I just disagree generally with calling anyone a prize. Relationships are hard work. Good, long lasting (lifetime even) relationships are what you put into them. Some loser at 27 might be the prize at 32 because he finally gets it. Some dumb 27yr old clam might be the prize by 32 because she finally gets it. Same person. Same people. Different disposition. Or they could simply be a better fit. 

I love my wife more than anyone. She's certainly no prize. A prize is something you win with zero skill or effort. To say my wife is a prize is to say I didn't work hard to land her. Nobody calls the NBA championship a "prize"

So, no offense, but I don't think you or your husband are a prize. You just fit well together, and both of you work hard to make that happen. You win a prize, you're done. Marriage, the entire point is to spend your life together. That's work! The prize is you get to look back on your life at the end of your days, and there she/he is. The one who promised to share this life with you. They are there through all of it. 

I personally find it degrading to call my wife a prize. Like I didn't work for it. My wife would find it degrading to call me a prize, like she didn't work for it. 

I don't believe people are prizes. They are just people. Some of us got lucky and found that one person young. Some have a half life partner. Some found them a little older and have a quarter or less life partner. Not a person on this planet is a prize. Last I checked, everyone ever in the history of humanity has issues some spouse is going to have to deal with. 

Do you know any perfect people? Everyone seems pretty ****ed up to me. How is landing another ****ed up person Like yourself a "prize?" Lol


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Sorry. I'm just not a fan of the "prize" talk. I understand the idea behind your comments, I just disagree generally with calling anyone a prize. Relationships are hard work. Good, long lasting (lifetime even) relationships are what you put into them. Some loser at 27 might be the prize at 32 because he finally gets it. Some dumb 27yr old clam might be the prize by 32 because she finally gets it. Same person. Same people. Different disposition. Or they could simply be a better fit.
> 
> I love my wife more than anyone. She's certainly no prize. A prize is something you win with zero skill or effort. To say my wife is a prize is to say I didn't work hard to land her. Nobody calls the NBA championship a "prize"
> 
> ...


It's a figure of speech mate, you're taking it too seriously.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If I meet a woman for the first time I might not find them attractive.

But over time I begin to see how attractive they are.

Might that be what happened to him?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Maybe. He’s been blowing up my phone wanting to hang out and maybe go see a game or something.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Is there any harm in making a new friend? I know that's not what you're after. 

Although I'm not a fan of him blowing up your phone. Sounds a bit stalkerish?! Maybe?


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