# Newbee - intor and seeking advice



## bvivino (Nov 27, 2021)

Hello all!

My name is Brielle and I am 24 years old. My husband and I are recently married and are already showing signs of distress. We specifically have issues with communication. General overview of our marriage is - started dating 4 years ago and married in July. We married a little fast due to restrictions on travel and his job. If we were not married I could not accompany him over seas. He plays professional hockey. We have specifically are having issues when it comes to communication in the sense that I can be a bit defensive and he has a hard time wording things in a way that doesn't come across as disrespectful. I feel as though I am always the one at fault in the situation (he never owns up to his mistakes initially) and of course I know I play a huge role in this and have emotional baggage but I feel like if i disagree with him he immediately pegs it as being defensive and it drives me crazy. I try my best to ask questions or have him reword things to make sense but we end up in this frustrated and pissed off worm hole of both of us being unhappy. I love him so much and want this to work so desperately but once he is mad he says he is at a breaking point and cant love me/hates me when I am "like that". He says he is unsure of if he thinks this is going to work or wants it to work. I guess what I am asking is if this is a common fight within couples or what I should do to make our marriage work. Any advice would help and if you need more info or a better background I can supply that, I just didn't know how to say things in this initiate post. Thank you!!
Brielle


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Communication is KEY to a good, long marriage. Have you both considered marriage counseling? There are many techniques to improve communication, to STOP your "bad habits" that you are both exhibiting now.

Maybe one thing to try -- when there is an issue, THINK about it first (to try and keep the emotions out of it) and write down what you want to say/discuss. Maybe showing this to HIM and ask him to think about it, and then respond (do NOT respond to you right away). Again, to take the immediate emotions out of things and just DISCUSS.

Sorry you are going through this.
I'm sure others will jump on this with more suggestions for you!


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