# How Do You Flirt?



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

_We flirt to establish a connection, and to gauge the interest of others in reciprocating that connection. While not all flirting is done with the aim of establishing a romantic or sexual encounter, it does help us determine the social investment potential for romantic relationships. _From the Scientific American blog (link included)

Intended as a light-hearted thread... how did you learn to flirt and how old were you? How were your attempts received? How do you and your spouse flirt with one another? Or perhaps you don't and never have... maybe you're currently single... ladies and gentlemen, please share your experiences.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but I don't think I'll ever be able to flirt. Just the thought of trying it on a real person is hugely uncomfortable.

There were a few dates where I used alcohol to relax, but that's frowned upon, so, for me, flirting shall remain one of life's mysteries.

I do enjoy my flirty emojis though.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When my wife is doing something round the house I let her catch me eyeing her ass as she’s walking by me. 
She never says anything but I know she loves it because she smiles. 
And blushes lol.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

When Im single I flirt by being happy and silly and subtle jokes/banter. 


When I’m in a relationship I’m like white on rice. It’s not for everyone but I definitely make my partner feel good about themselves. I always comment on their body. For example I love butt/thighs on a man. So I am always touching their butt, or saying damn that’s a thicc ass boy. I basically sexually harass them when they are in their underwear or tight pants. 
I always sit on their lap. Sometimes I just need a good kiss and just ask for one and they peck me and I’m like nope not good enough, then they like give me a really good kiss and I’m like yep, that’s it. 

I don’t know, I am a very obvious flirtier. Every guy I’ve dated always said there is no question about how I feel about them, and I make them feel desired and physically attractive.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I'm of the impression that flirting is more cerebral. Like a parlor game during Victorian times.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Girl_power said:


> When Im single I flirt by being happy and silly and subtle jokes/banter.
> 
> 
> When I’m in a relationship I’m like white on rice. It’s not for everyone but I definitely make my partner feel good about themselves. I always comment on their body. For example I love butt/thighs on a man. So I am always touching their butt, or saying damn that’s a thicc ass boy. I basically sexually harass them when they are in their underwear or tight pants.
> ...


This isn’t flirting, more like foreplay lol.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

I don't think I'm good at flirting. I really don't know how to flirt. My husband is the one who flirts with me; the way he looks at me and then he says "I'll meet you upstairs...." 
I just giggle and say "ok!" Lol!


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

In a relationship when things were civil or better, I would never let her pass me or me her without touching her, whether it was on her shoulder, back, or butt. Going on walks, if we had to go single file for a while, I'd usually ask her to go first so I could watch her walk. Any comment from her that she was hot was _always_ answered with a smirk and "yeah, you are". If we happened to be getting dressed at the same time, I would regularly just stop what I was doing to watch her changing or offer to help her out of her clothes if that was where she was in the process. More explicitly, if she told me to take a shower after a workout or yard work or whatever, inviting her to go along to make sure I got clean or to wash my back. Generally, if she ever asked how she looked, the answer was usually something along the lines of "delicious".

It has been a long time since I flirted with someone I wasn't in a sexual relationship with but I _think_ it mostly involved being attentive, funny, and/or friendly and making any excuse to be close to or touch them (sitting close, hand holding, and whatnot).

I don't think I flirt outside of an explicit relationship / date and couldn't tell you why I necessarily do the things I do. As far as how I learned, the only thing I can think of is that growing up my parents would have displays of affection (hugs, kisses, butt grabs, etc) regularly, if not daily, so that was just how I thought you should act / treat your SO. I didn't actually do any of it until I was a senior in HS though (IE the first couple times I went on a date or to a dance or whatever) and then only a very little bit until I was 20 and met my ex. I don't know that I'm any good at it because the reactions I got were either all positive (honeymoon phase with my ex) or _very_ hit or miss.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> This isn’t flirting, more like foreplay lol.


Hahaha. This is how I act all the time with my partner.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I have a pretty big dimple and a crooked smile to go with it that I know how to use to good effect.

When I'm seriously flirting, I know how to lock eyes and use my green lasers.😉

Those always work on Mrs C but, since I'm married to her, I sometimes just strut around being an exhibitionist and that usually leads to her jumping me. The last might not count as flirting because it leads to sex but it feels flirty between us.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

Flirting sounds fun but I'm pretty lost on the how. Maybe someday I'll catch on...never say never


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Flirting? What is this phenomenon you speak of?

Does Walmart sell it? How can I get me some, if it's any good?

Come on you gorgeous ladies of TAM, help me out here!


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

Flirting is easy. Chicks are easy.

I don't consider enticing dialog, when you are already in a relationship, as flirting. That's just fun talk with your partner, so you both know you've still got "it".

But talking to someone of the opposite sex that you _aren't _already with, like at a bar or gym or office party?? Super easy and fun. And hot.

My advice to young(er) men I know goes something like this...

When you see a girl you like, think about what you like about her, and what stands out about her, compared to the other girls on the dance floor. "I like your big tits" is an instant turn-off, but "Wow, I really like your top. Those stripes match your eyes..." and she will smile and want to talk or dance with you. Because it was an honest compliment, and not a bad pick-up line.

And be confident for goodness sake. Girls (and guys) are attracted to confident people.

"Boy, golly geeze, I could never expect a girl like YOU to ever like a guy like ME" doesn't work. Knock it off. 

Try "Does that boy know how special you really are?? Look at how you're dressed, and how him and his dumb friends are dressed. You should look for someone who likes YOU". And keep making eye contact with her for the rest of the night. And tell her when you're leaving, and where your going,.... and what you'll be cooking for breakfast.

Its easy, and works. Just be honest with whatever you are saying. If I was looking for a one nighter, and saw a girl with a super cute face but dumpy body, I wouldnt lie and tell her she had a great body. But I would tell her I loved her face and wanted to kiss it all night long, and maybe her sweater or shoes were really cool...... All genuine and honest compliments, and we'd both enjoy the company that night.

Flirting is easy. Chick's are easy. You just need a little confidence.


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## rockon (May 18, 2016)

ah_sorandy said:


> Flirting? What is this phenomenon you speak of?
> 
> Does Walmart sell it? How can I get me some, if it's any good?
> 
> Come on you gorgeous ladies of TAM, help me out here!


This reminds me of a joke.

Nerd1: You need to get a girlfriend, you seem lonely. 

Nerd2: Girlfriend? What is that?

Nerd1: Its someone who loves you, will take care of you and will always have your back.

Nerd2: That sounds great! Where can I download one?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Flirting is like cooking. You can have all the ingredients but you still need the recipe. 
Attracting a complete stranger with the intention of having sex is the opposite. You can have all the recipes in the world but if you don’t have the ingredients you’re screwed. (And not in a good way)


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

And it is very awkward.

I would have guys tell me that they just couldn't read me, and they had no idea what my level of interest was.



Andy1001 said:


> Flirting is like cooking. You can have all the ingredients but you still need the recipe.
> Attracting a complete stranger with the intention of having sex is the opposite. You can have all the recipes in the world but if you don’t have the ingredients you’re screwed. (And not in a good way)


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

My earliest flirt was Clinton in kindergarten just because he was friendly. Then I went through a mercenary phase in third grade (probably picked it up off a Marilyn Monroe movie or something) where I let two boys know I'd kiss whoever brought me a ring to the cloakroom. Fortunately, that was a passing phase....

As an adult I flirted by taking the initiative to talk to guys about common interests, or if I was working with them in a casual setting, talking trash with them.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I don’t know how to flirt outside of a relationship. I’m introverted and awkward. Inside of my relationships,
I’m very touchy feely and forward. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

3Xnomorph, I like the way you type. We should pm some time.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

I learned to flirt from my mother. She is coy and cute. And it was always harmless--she loved my father and was loyal until the day he died. I don't recall when I started flirting to be honest. I don't recall it going well or super bad, so I must've been just mediocre? Lol.

When I was single, if appropriate, I would touch a man's arm at the right time and laugh at his jokes. Listen with rapt attention and then ask questions. I.e., "But how do you know what tools to use to fix an engine?! Did you go to school or are you self-taught?" (I am genuinely fascinated by people, not just men, who can make and fix things because I cannot!)

Men are so easy. 

Now that I'm married, sometimes we send sexy texts to each other. My husband loves to see me cook and bake so sometimes I playfully spank my butt with a spatula with a knowing look in my eye. We faux arm-wrestle and I always say, damn you're so strong! He will say, oh, I wasn't even trying.

Mostly though, I laugh at his jokes. And it's all genuine. A good sense of humor is such a turn on for me.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Flirting is like this...






_Rake: _You dance impeccably, Miss Harwood. You've truly awoken the devil in my imaginings.
_Wench: _And you, Captain Jennings, have stirred something in the region girded by my most intimate undergarments.
_Rake: _Indeed, madam? And I believe that it will interest you to know that under the restrictions of my pantaloons there is a protrusion so monstrously tumescent that were you to avail yourself of it, I can guarantee your horse would see no action for a week.

_Rake:_ Not too fatigued by this evening's exertions, Miss Cardew?
_Wench: _Why, no, Captain Jennings. I could go on for hours.
_Rake: _Then might I suggest that you join me later for some modest theatricals?
_Wench:_ Gladly! And which roles would we be playing?
_Rake: _I would play the part of a wealthy industrialist, whilst you, Miss Cardew, would play a Whitechapel strumpet of such eye-wateringly low virtue that you would leave me as dry as a ship's biscuit.

_Rake_: Miss Harwood, you look ravishing, though I cannot help to conject that your exquisite gown would look even more becoming strewn on the floor of my bedchamber.
_Wench:_ And a man as exquisitely fashioned as you, Captain Jennings, would look even more becoming on, beneath, behind and, for my own benefit, several inches within me.

And if that kind of thing doesn't work, my offering to draw a woman can be quite flirtatious.


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

"Men are so easy. "
I totally agree!


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## Maxwedge 413 (Apr 16, 2014)

That sweater is quite becoming on you. If I was on you, I'd be coming too.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

My idea of flirting is intelligent, sexy banter, just nothing too vulgar, while "casually" touching innocuous part, like a man's arm, hands , etc during conversation. I'm introverted and fairly reserved normally, but somehow I can relax enough to show interest if I really like someone. So I'm not big on the whole "try hard" thing. 

I've found that really listening to what people have to say, and having a real conversation where you're not listening to reply makes people attracted to you, It feels easy then and genuine, bc it is. I'll be direct if I really like someone to state my interest and not make them read my signals. My bf beat me to it, he walked up to me and kissed me soundly the first time we met in person before we said hello  .


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

My cultured, university educated, Feminist wife suggested I post this.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

As a 98% introverted INTJ [Architect], I stopped trying and can’t read others' flirting attempts. Once a gal I was with on a 2nd date, took my hand and trusted it under her top in frustration. That message I got.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

@Personal... hahah 'Louder, she is watching EastEnders'
Love David Mitchell. Thanks MrsPersonal for the laugh!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Andy1001 said:


> When my wife is doing something round the house I let her catch me eyeing her ass as she’s walking by me.
> She never says anything but I know she loves it because she smiles.
> And blushes lol.


Naww that's cute!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

It's interesting to read the mentions of observing flirtation of parents, along with Marilyn Monroe. My influences were Prince, maybe a bit of Catwoman through watching Batman as a kid, and my grandad.

Each time my nan got her her hair done, my grandad would greet her at the salon and ask 'Excuse me young lady, have you seen my wife?' and she'd giggle. He was still doing this after 60 years of marriage.


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

These days I flirt by saying "do you want to come by later?"..... It works pretty damn well!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

lucy999 said:


> I learned to flirt from my mother. She is coy and cute. And it was always harmless--she loved my father and was loyal until the day he died. I don't recall when I started flirting to be honest. I don't recall it going well or super bad, so I must've been just mediocre? Lol.
> 
> When I was single, if appropriate, I would touch a man's arm at the right time and laugh at his jokes. Listen with rapt attention and then ask questions. I.e., "But how do you know what tools to use to fix an engine?! Did you go to school or are you self-taught?" (I am genuinely fascinated by people, not just men, who can make and fix things because I cannot!)
> 
> ...


You had me at "spatula"!😉😁


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

heartsbeating said:


> Each time my nan got her her hair done, my grandad would greet her at the salon and ask 'Excuse me young lady, have you seen my wife?' and she'd giggle. He was still doing this after 60 years of marriage.


Naw now THAT is adorable!!!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Earliest I can remember is around aged 6 with the game of school yard kiss-chase. Someone was _it _and if you were caught by them, you'd get a kiss on the cheek. There was one boy I intentionally slowed down for and, 'Oops, you got me'. And there was Louis. I told him I thought he was strong. And then he offered me a piggyback ride. Like ya do. We ended up role-playing that he was Aslan and needed to carry me on his back through Narnia. Bless his cotton socks. 

As I got older, I doubted my physical appeal to attract boys. And figured the logical thing, was to turn to Prince. Granted, it wasn't well thought-out. But I saw this unconventional guy pulling off confidence, mystery, and body language. The most ridiculous thing I emulated, only that one time, was at a youth concert and saw a boy I liked the look of. I pretty much re-enacted the scene from Purple Rain; stood somewhat behind him and stared his way, until he looked around, then I merged into the crowd - because I couldn't magically vanish like Prince did. Even more ridiculous, is that he came to find me and wanted to exchange numbers.

By the time I was clubbing in the 90s, the smoking days, I do remember every so often asking a guy for a light. Yes, I likely had mine in my pocket, that's not the point. And it seemed if there was initial interest, the guy would hold the lighter up for me, compared to just handing it to me. Then I'd glance up to lock eyes and smile. Dialogue flowed from there.

But with Batman.... I do sometimes playfully call him Batman. And without fail, he smiles and chuckles. There's lifting my shirt to flash him at random moments; usually he doesn't let me get away with just disappearing again haha. This isn't often, but I might pass a doorway when he's in the room, and do silly dances back and forth. The other day, he was giving me a really big hug. While still hugging, I told him I had a secret and whispered in his ear, 'Underneath these clothes, I'm naked.' He was laughing. Basically, I'm immature. I will look him up and down, and give the appreciative nod, tell him he looks sexy.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Ok. You're drawing more out with these great examples.

I often call Mrs C girl in a banter like manner and she responds by calling me Mr. Grey. I will say something like "I love you girl." and she will respond "I love you Mr Grey." I won't go into why but this is pretty serious flirting for us.

I probably started flirting around first grade.

I would pretend to be Pepe le pew and get girls to pretend to be his latest cat love interest as I chased them around trying to kiss them.

I got to kiss a lot of girls with that angle as silly as it sounds.😉


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## Electric Prune (Aug 11, 2020)

heartsbeating said:


> _We flirt to establish a connection, and to gauge the interest of others in reciprocating that connection. While not all flirting is done with the aim of establishing a romantic or sexual encounter, it does help us determine the social investment potential for romantic relationships. _From the Scientific American blog (link included)
> 
> Intended as a light-hearted thread... how did you learn to flirt and how old were you? How were your attempts received? How do you and your spouse flirt with one another? Or perhaps you don't and never have... maybe you're currently single... ladies and gentlemen, please share your experiences.


Sexting!


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Ooo I like this thread. I can be really talkative and joke around a lot, or if I really like someone, get shy and quiet, and avoid all eye contact.


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> You had me at "spatula"!😉😁


What "spatula".???. She had me stopped dead looking at her butt.!. 😊


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> I don’t know how to flirt outside of a relationship. I’m introverted and awkward. Inside of my relationships,
> I’m very touchy feely and forward.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I could describe myself the same way. In a relationship, I’m fine, but meeting someone the first few times, or just being around a woman, I don’t think I flirt very well. I’m not good with timing. I don’t want to come on too strong, so I usually end up not being good at flirting.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Men don't approach me so my efforts would be wasted but if I was going to flirt, lots of eye contact and making sure they see me checking out what their mamma gave them.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Not said:


> Men don't approach me so my efforts would be wasted but if I was going to flirt, lots of eye contact and making sure they see me checking out what their mamma gave them.


Men just look and smile, some approach, but rarely - I don't encourage it if I'm not single. I'm not much of a flirter unless I want someone's attention in particular, then it's war, baby.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

TXTrini said:


> Men just look and smile, some approach, but rarely - I don't encourage it if I'm not single. I'm not much of a flirter unless I want someone's attention in particular, then it's war, baby.


I don't encourage it either. The last time I was approached from what I can remember, namely from posting here, was work xmas drinks, no partners in attendance, a group of guys from another work place worked their way into ours. A very buzzed guy told me I had, 'the most beautiful eyes he'd ever seen'... my name was on written on the card for our table reservation. He took this and placed it across his heart, then said he was keeping it, proceeded to place into his pocket. I asked how his wife would feel finding my name in his jeans pocket the next day. He hesitated, then removed my name and placed it back on the table. Smart move. When he left, I took my name off the table and ripped it up for good measure.

As for war.... remember that I have been with Batman most of my life so this is a teen scenario - my 'bestie' knew I liked a guy (although her version of this is different) and she was paying attention to him when we were all out. Oh dear. I approached him and asked if he liked her. He replied a casual kind of 'yes'. I told him that was too bad, as I liked him. Then walked away. He pursued me and we were kissing by the end of the night. Her and I fell out over this for a few months..! She is one of my closest friends and has been something we've slapped our foreheads over and laughed about years later.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Not said:


> Men don't approach me so my efforts would be wasted but if I was going to flirt, lots of eye contact and making sure they see me checking out what their mamma gave them.


Same here in that men don’t approach me! 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)




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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

I walk up and grab her a$$. It's only serious flirting if I'm already nekkid. 

I try to communicate clearly 😉 👍👍


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

I’m pretty straightforward with my flirting. I flirt with everybody. I can’t help myself. But I’m a hypocrite because I get highly annoyed when people I like flirt with others. Makes me feel not so special. Turns me right off. I know, I know. I already said I was a hypocrite. I’m working on it. 😛

How do I flirt? I don’t know. I guess if it’s in person, I’ll touch them or look at them like I want to do nasty things to them. If it’s online, I’ll just come out and _say_ I want to do nasty things to them.

Ok ok ... ^ ^ sometimes it’s not as obvious as all that. 

Sometimes I just smile at them or tell them jokes or compliment them. But I flirt with women too and it’s not because I’m trying to get them in bed. It’s just a way of speaking. Of bonding. Of course, I’m from below the Mason Dixon line so we’re real big on the ‘honey sweetie baby’ talk anyway.

It’s just good manners lol. 😗


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## misschris85 (Aug 22, 2020)

ah_sorandy said:


> View attachment 71366


Oh gosh. I laughed way too much when I saw this. 

I don't know how to flirt and definitely feel like I'm very, awkward if I tried. I honestly don't know how to tell or show a guy I like them without me outright telling them. I am so far from being the one who can bring guys to their side with just a glance, or a touch. 

Besides, I don't think men flirt with me. Growing up, I've always been viewed as one of the guys, the friend, the girl next door. They always seemed to be more interest in one of my friends. Sometimes I think it's because I don't exactly get "dolled" up. I don't wear make-up or do my hair (I seriously don't even own a hair dryer). I do put on "nicer" clothes when the occasion calls for it but other than that, my go to outfit is jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt (or tank top).

If someone could teach me how to flirt and not be awkward about it, I would be eternally grateful. Seriously, that would be awesome. LOL


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## Horny guy (Apr 14, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> When my wife is doing something round the house I let her catch me eyeing her ass as she’s walking by me.
> She never says anything but I know she loves it because she smiles.
> And blushes lol.


who doesan't mind admiring a ladies nice ass lol


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I spent my adolescence very uncomfortable when someone flirted with me. I was generally shy and sometimes deliberately offputting and dressed in baggy clothes to fend off guys who might be interested (supposedly I was pretty but I don't remember that, I just remember feeling awkward).

I feel comfortable flirting now that I'm older, but generally in a relationship because I fear being that gross person someone jokes about to their friends who kept hitting on them and couldn't catch a clue. Apparentl y in a relationship my flirting is cheesy lol

So that's my style. Super cheesy.

Generally completely oblivious to when people are flirting with me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Horny guy said:


> who doesan't mind admiring a ladies nice ass lol


Well that was quick!


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

ConanHub said:


> Well that was quick!


Username checks out...


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