# Newly Married - Not Happy



## wimps30 (Jul 6, 2012)

Hello People

I've been married just under a year and I'm already not very happy, the wife is a wonderful person but she is making life miserable. 

Basically, for 4 years she worked at this place that she hated and would come home all pissy about it.. so she convinces me to move 3000 miles to another city for a potential job. She goes ahead of me and I follow a few months later, when I get there she hates her job worse and back to the pissy, in her defence the job was not what she thought it was.. so her old job calls her back and wants her to come back.. she goes ahead, and I stay behind for a few months.

Now I've been back 3 days and she is just as miserable as before, since im off this week I went shopping and cooked dinner she comes home *****ing that dinnner isnt ready and she is hungry and than *****ing that she cant get into the fridge to "find any ****en food", and the whole time while eating just a sour face.

now I understand her work is demanding, but wtf I moved across the country when I didnt want to, took a pay cut, and had to come back to another pay cut, plus we spent about 30k for the moves and the increased of costs...

What should I do?


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

seems there aint no pleasing her.no kids together, so you know your options


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Do you see what you chasing her, doing as she commands has achieved? Either take the lead in deciding where to move, have her do the housework, basically man up or divorce her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wimps30 (Jul 6, 2012)

I'm normally not a chaser, but it was out of my desperate attempt to have a happy household. She is an a type personality so she brings her work frustrations home, and than complains when I don't want to be intimate.. she has also gained a lot of weight since we first started dating. 

I knew I didn't want to move, it was too far from friends and family and I would have to take a demotion/pay cut... I'm now working in a position/pay i had 6 years ago at my company.

I only started cooking because if I don't she will just eat crap, and trying to get her to a normal weight.

we don't have kids, but she always pulls "i want a baby or puppy" crap on me..


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## bluelaser (May 26, 2012)

If she complains all the time, with nothing making her happy then there is very little you can do to help her. What she needs is an attitude adjustment, to learn to be happy with what she has rather than being unhappy with what she doesn't. 

She should see an IC or a life coach to get a more positive outlook on life.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Have you TALKED to her about her attitude and how it affects the marriage? 

Stop following her across country on a whim.


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## lotsoflove (Jun 11, 2012)

That's tough, sorry. You didn't mention if you had discussed this with her? Is she so caught up in her misery that she doesn't realize she is being negative all the time? 

You have compromised quite a bit for her to be seemingly unappreciative and chronically upset. I hope you can work this out. It sounds like the career area of her life has not met her expectations, unfortunate, but not the end of the world and hopefully something that she can learn to separate from the marriage.


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## wimps30 (Jul 6, 2012)

I won't be following her anywhere, basically told her if it doesn't feel right in my gut I won't be doing it. I should have followed my gut instinct before, but she told me if I didn't let her go she would be resentful... I was basically stuck between a rock and a hard wall. The worse part, while I was out there I got sick and had to take meds which resulted in long term physical side effects, which she is not very comforting about the situation.

Shoot, if I were here I would be stoked yes she has to work a loot but they met all her demands to come back and making six figures..

I've tried talking to her, she just gets mad and shuts down.


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## wimps30 (Jul 6, 2012)

I've tried telling her that her attitude effects me too, but she won't hear it.. basically that it has nothing to do with me, and I don't "understand". 

I've compromised my money, heath, and career to try and get her happy with her job... I just don't think she can handle stress and small things, glass always half empty for her.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Well, then just stop.


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## wimps30 (Jul 6, 2012)

Easier said than done, when sharing a life with someone their unhappiness and attitude effects you as well.. I tend to absorb other peoples feelings, so it really bothers me...


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

May not be easy, but she has completely taken advantage of you and will continue to do so UNLESS you put your foot down. 

[If it's your last name then nvm, but do you really want to broadcast your internal struggle with your user name?]


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

What ever you do, DON"T HAVE KIDS WITH THS WOMAN until she gets her life in order


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

It is hard, but it's not impossible. Either you man up or she'll continue to walk all over you until you're nothing but a shell of a man saying, "Yes,Dear" and "Whatever you say, Dear."....no no...you don't want to be like that.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

wimps30 said:


> I've compromised my money, heath, and career to try and get her happy with her job... I just don't think she can handle stress and small things, glass always half empty for her.


What more do you need to invest in this? Your life?


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Stop sharing your life with her. You can't make her happy, she is in control of that. 

Tell her she needs to go to counseling or you're out. You can't live like this anymore, and you won't.

ETA: You aren't helpless you know. You're also not a child and can make decisions for yourself. Stop letting her walk all over you and dictating the climate of your relationship. Man up.


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## BeachGuy (Jul 6, 2011)

She really talks like that? Please don't have children with this selfish woman. She is walking all over you. Move out for awhile and maybe she'll see some light. Maybe.

She needs some counseling and a serious attitude adjustment.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

It sounds like you have already made up your mind at some level. Is there another woman in the picture? I'm not judging, just asking.

You don't have to have a conversation--just tell her what your bottom line is. Make an appointment for Marriage Counseling at a time you know she can go, tell her about it, and go, with or without her. This statement, modified to be directed to her, would be fine: "This I've compromised my money, heath, and career to try and get her happy with her job... I just don't think she can handle stress and small things, glass always half empty for her. I've made an appointment for marriage counseling at____ on ____, and I'm going. I hope you will, too, because I don't see a way forward for our marriage without help."

If she shuts down or gets upset, disengage. You can't control her reactions. Just go to the counseling and decide if the marriage at this point is worth the effort. Good luck.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

wimps30 said:


> she told me if I didn't let her go she would be resentful...


She is resentful about the jobs she took, the work she does. Heck, she figured why not just play the resentful card again? 

The reason you are taking the stance that it is easier-said-than-done to leave this woman is you are very codependent. You are also operating in victim mode.

No, it is not the easiest thing to do, but you don't have kids, which makes it much easier.

You are not going to make her happy, no matter what you do. She is a professional complainer. She isn't going to listen to your issues with her attitude, because she doesn't want to break the cycle of her own behavior.

So it's up to you to put up or shut up, isn't it?


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

like toffer said, for gods sake don't have sex with your wife...you think your lifes screwed up now...


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

at least the guy knows how to choose a nickname that fits.


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