# Husband cyber-cheating with ex-wife...



## cea (Sep 13, 2009)

I caught my H...last week, i asked him what his email password was and he gave it to me...then came running into the room where i was working and stood over my shoulder while i had his account open waiting for an incoming email from a creditor, which was weird...i immediately logged out when the email didn't come in and he immediately went into the other room, changed his password, and began systematically deleting the emails from her...evidently, he found her on myspace, and began a 6-month long communication with her...

i told him he was a liar and a cheat, and he said "yes, i am, i'm really sorry"...hard to believe it when he's just been caught lying through his teeth...

i don't know why i'm so surprised...he's been known to keep secrets (tho up to this point, not this kind -- at least that i know of) and he's quite closed off...our relationship has been at best tenuous for the last several years...we talk about the kids and the weather...where our next vacation will be...where to spend the holidays...never anything of any import...

whereas i've stopped loving him and have thoughts of separating, i honestly think with him it's "well, it's tolerable, so it's ok with me"...we tried counseling years ago, but i failed to see any good coming from that...

we've been together almost 19 years, married 14...4 kids, 2 grown, 2 in elementary school

i've already been thru a nasty divorce and don't want to do it again...but the thought of spending more years with this man is just so damned sad...i asked him to move into the guest bedroom and i'm more comfortable with that...the kids haven't noticed it yet...even now, knowing that what i think of him, that i don't want to sleep in the same bed, i don't want to be in the same room -- he's watching football on tv with a beer in one hand and the remote in the other...


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Sounds like you know what you want, you just have to accept the inevitable.

The divorce doesn't have to be nasty, you know. It won't be easy of course, but it doesn't have to be horrible.


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## cea (Sep 13, 2009)

it's all i've been thinking about for almost a week...do we sell the house? i quit my job when our daughter was born over 9 years ago...now what? i try and go back and start again at the bottom? at my age?? kids go to daycare til i'm out of work? i did that with the oldest 2 kids and hated it -- so did they...

and what about him? he lives hand-to-mouth paying alimony and child support? then there's custody...what an absolute nightmare...

through all this, i'm thinking, sh**! i'm so old now, what man worth a damn would want me????? not to mention want the children....

i've tolerated this poor excuse for a marriage for so long...haven't cheated, haven't even considered it...would never consider it...that's one thing that would make everything a thousand times worse...talk about stress!

so...how do i know it's over? how does anyone really know?


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## wantosaveit (Oct 17, 2009)

YOu need to pick yourself up and say i am better then this - you need a life you need to be happy and if he is cheating hes not there for you hes only there till something better comes along - what are you showing your children settle for 2nd best no - show them you can do it - and you can do it on your own. Go see a counsellor and talk through these issues - as far as getting a job and chn in day care - it doesnt have to be that way job share and work while the chn are at school - thats what i do i only have my chn in care 1 afternoon per week and they love the time with their day care family. be strong and dont procrastinate - where do you see yourself in 5 years time - ask your hubby what do you want to be doing in 5 years time - what do you want for you chn/ food for thought - your children are your future and they will survive having 2 single parents that love them and not 2 parents that live together but dont love each other - we are so good at giving advice to others - take care of yourself.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Being a guy I understand what he's doing. I am willing to bet for a while now you guys have had NO relationship. No connection. IE dates or sex. If a man isn't getting anything at home he will start to look else where. It might start in the form of porn. Then progress to FB and chating with women. Then leads to a PA.. It takes to make it work and if either one doesn't you have 2 choices. Be determined to WORK for the marriage no matter what or walk away. Just know walking away will not fix what went wrong in this relationship.. Facts are both people don't work at relationships and then would rather walk away then endure more heartache. Is your marriage on the rocks?? Of course. Is it salvagable? I think so.. Depends on what you want..


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

I divorced w/no job in sight. Went back to work (stayed at home w/the girls, like you) and they moved me to another state w/my girls. They needed a sitter before/after school. But it worked out. I had faith that it would, for some reason.

You can do it, too.


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## cea (Sep 13, 2009)

He's actually said that during the time he spent with her, things with us were fine -- says he just doesn't understand why he chose to do it.

We've been through a few counseling sessions and are learning how to communicate to each other, which is good. But the hurt and betrayal I feel leaves no room for feelings of love for him.

It's so sad...I'm really hoping that the counselor can help me discover ways to let go of the hurt...though at this moment, I don't see how. 

The feelings are as acute as if he had actually slept with her.


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