# Lifeline



## PeteDavis

Hello, i’m a 46-year-old married man who has been married for 19 years. two teenage kids. For medical reasons I have been a stay at home Dad for about 17 years. Wife works from home so I hear her all day. I want to better myself. I quit porn but am not happy in my marriage. Let’s just say we have a complicated life here and am looking for guys who don’t have perfect marriages to listen to.


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## bobert

No one has a perfect marriage, so you are in good company.


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## Tilted 1

Agreed


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## Tilted 1

But if f I can quote a phrase " lf something you did today didn't fail you learned nothing"


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## Arkansas

don't talk to us

TALK TO HER 

communication is the #1 problem in marriages IMO


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## PeteDavis

Yes, communication. How do I broach the subject of you being grossly overweight in that your stomach hangs down...I’m not even sure how sex would work. She also is emotional as a 14 year old girl and takes everything the wrong way. What I do know is that some of the loneliest people are married.


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## PeteDavis

PeteDavis said:


> Yes, communication. How do I broach the subject of you being grossly overweight in that your stomach hangs down...I’m not even sure how sex would work. She also is emotional as a 14 year old girl and takes everything the wrong way. What I do know is that some of the loneliest people are married. I’m not sure I understand that quote actually.


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## jlg07

So, have you tried THIS: Honey, I'm really worried about your health and mine. We aren't getting any younger.
I wanted us to try to start eating right and exercising together to have us both get in shape.

IF she is that large, then perhaps she should be checking with a Dr -- could be hormonal/glandular issues that need to be addressed?

I agree with Arkansas -- communication is the #1 thing that needs to work in a marriage.


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## PeteDavis

Yes, 330 pounds large. She was always bigger, I’m not into sticks. I don’t t really like her most of the time. She works hard and is very vulnerable. I have talked to her from a health perspective. I should revisit that. She has been hospitalized with dangerously high blood pressure. She could have died. You would think that would scare her But on the way home from the hospital she went to go to Little Caesars and get pizza. but on the way home from the hospital she went to go to Little Caesars and get pizzaI need to drop weight and I know it doesn’t work if one of us is on our own.


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## jlg07

Yeah I think you need to approach this as a couple -- you BOTH should work on it together and encourage each other. If SHE says she doesn't want to, tell it that will make it REALLY hard for you to achieve your goals, so please help you.

THIS part though: "I don’t t really like her most of the time. " THIS bothers me. Sounds like you really don't want this to work out.


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## Lila

PeteDavis said:


> Yes, 330 pounds large. She was always bigger, I’m not into sticks. I don’t t really like her most of the time. She works hard and is very vulnerable. I have talked to her from a health perspective. I should revisit that. She has been hospitalized with dangerously high blood pressure. She could have died. You would think that would scare her But on the way home from the hospital she went to go to Little Caesars and get pizza. but on the way home from the hospital she went to go to Little Caesars and get pizzaI need to drop weight and I know it doesn’t work if one of us is on our own.


It sounds like she has an eating disorder. Her weight issues to eat go beyond just "regular ol'weight gain". She needs to go see a therapist to figure out why she uses food to cope with stress, depression, emotional issues. 

Does she suffer from mental health issues? 

Is she the sole income earner in your home or do you also bring home an income (disability?)?


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## Arkansas

PeteDavis said:


> Yes, communication. How do I broach the subject of you being grossly overweight in that your stomach hangs down...I’m not even sure how sex would work. She also is emotional as a 14 year old girl and takes everything the wrong way. What I do know is that some of the loneliest people are married.


you talk to her about it

look, I suffered several years of a wife that didn't talk to me .......... and in retrospect I failed myself and my marriage by not addressing it with her

would it have mattered I don't know, but my failing to try? that's on me

now you can do it in a way that's not hurtful and attacking ......... and for that, maybe a counselor would help ? I'm just saying my personal experience is, you have got to talk with her, and her with you ........ and through those conversations and discussions maybe some healing can happen


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## In Absentia

Arkansas said:


> look, I suffered several years of a wife that didn't talk to me .......... and in retrospect I failed myself and my marriage by not addressing it with her
> 
> would it have mattered I don't know, but my failing to try? that's on me


My wife didn't talk to me... I tried to address it, I failed too. In fact, I made it worse. Talking is good if you have someone prepared to have a conversation with you.


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## Arkansas

"My wife didn't talk to me... I tried to address it, I failed too. In fact, I made it worse. Talking is good if you have someone prepared to have a conversation with you."

then try again, and again, and again until you feel you've done all you can

then leave


what else can you do ?


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## arbitrator

bobert said:


> No one has a perfect marriage, so you are in good company.


*You show me the man or woman who has the so-called "perfect marriage," and I'll sell you the Houston Galleria for $1.00, sales tax included! And I'll even throw in the Southwest Freeway from Chimney Rock out to the Brazos River Bridge for an additional 25 cents, with absolutely no tax whatsoever!

Suffice it to say, marriage is a full time endeavor for each of the partners, and if either one starts shirking their duties or breaking their solemn vows or promises, then it's as good as over! 

So exactly what seems to be the underlying issue in your problem(s), @PeteDavis ?*


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## arbitrator

Arkansas said:


> *"Talking is good if you have someone prepared to have a conversation with you."*


*No truer words have ever been spoken!*


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## Casual Observer

bobert said:


> No one has a perfect marriage, so you are in good company.


That's not quite right; my wife was pretty sure she had a perfect marriage. The issue was that *we* didn't have a perfect marriage.


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## In Absentia

Arkansas said:


> then leave
> 
> 
> what else can you do ?


This is what I'm doing... well, eventually. It's a bit complicated... :smile2:


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## PeteDavis

I know it has to be a joint effort. She just loves to eat out so much, always has. I have so much anger in my life. It would be so nice to have a relationship where we can talk. Right now she just wants me to be present physically. I want to have sex but I am not receptive to her. She also does not want to. I need to talk to her. She is so damn stubborn.


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