# frustrated, and confused



## kat456 (Oct 11, 2011)

I need help deciding what to do. I have been married for 2 years but have been with my husband for 12 years.

My husband has a child from a previous relationship and in the past that has been very difficult to deal with . She used to go to his job, call his phone , told him he could see his son if he moved out of our house. Then I later found out he was telling her all of our personnel business. Then one day I came home and found her in my house while I was gone. I pulled up in the driveway purposely blocking her car and out the house the 2 of them come together. Well I just lost it. I kicked her ass all over my front yard. 

Now I know this is not the way to handle things like that and I truly do regret getting into a physical altercation with her. It was childish and not the way a grown women handles her problems. 

Having said that she called the police and my husband broke up the fight. Once the police got there he came out of the house screaming to them "she assaulted someone on my property" and told them I didn't live there.

Well needless to say I moved out. But he cried and said he was sorry and I took him back. Things with his X did become better after that. But I always had a little bitterness there because he is my husband and right or wrong I think he should stand by me.

I really felt betrayed by him and on top of that I then found out he talks badly of me behind my back. He told my sister in law that he loves me but I am a ****ty person. He also tells lies such as also told her I take my children to the babysitter even when I am not working and don't pick them up. WTF??? He also does this with his family and friends. So they don't like me due to this. 

What I am starting to see is a pattern of behavior where he makes other people feel sorry for him, like he is the victim. When actually he has not worked since 2007, I have been supporting our family of 4 children working 2 jobs and at times 16 hour shifts. He tells people he feels neglected and that I don't give him any affection and that we never have sex. I am exhausted and honestly I do hold some resentment toward him, but I really don't think that I don't show him any affection.

Well now he always sleeps on the couch. We just opened a new business which the funds that started the business came from me. We decided to open a night club because we thought this would be a fun thing we could do together. OMG, I was soo wrong. Now he doesn't want me to come in there, but wants me to support the club financially until it makes money. He uses the excuse "it's not a place that I want my wife to be" because the crowd is a little rough right now with it just opening. But I started snooking around his things and he invited his x to the club. He says there just friends. He won't let me go near his cell phone he even sleeps with it. 

I work night shift and I came home early I would usually get off at 0700 but because I wasn't feeling well I left work early and got home at 0400. He wasn't home. The babysitter wanted to go home , so I called him and he was still at the club. WTF! I went up there to get some cash to pay the babysitter and when I told him how upset I was he laughed at me. I almost tripped walking behind him and he said you see "i hope you fall and bust your mouth so maybe you'll stop running it all the time" he and his friend standing next to him both laughed at me. I left drove the sitter home. Told him not to come back to the house. He started calling me today telling me he loves me and sending me email after I told him I didn't want to talk. 

I really feel this man does not love me, respect me , or put me first. I feel like I have been pulling him through our marriage kicking and screaming to do the right things by me. I am heartbroken but I cannot make this man love me. I have stood firm on quite a few things but I also feel why do I have to yell or scream to make him respect me. He should be doing it automatically right? I am so confused,hurt , lost. I love this man and have 4 great kids by him. He is a great father. Do I stay in this marriage for them? I just truly don't know what to do.


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## kat456 (Oct 11, 2011)

I forgot to mention im a lesbian and have been having an affair with a women for years. I said he owns a club how can he make home by 4 with no ride i have the car at work? he cooks and cleans for me. breakfast in bed. im on a diet so he makes dishes just for me before he goes to the club. i also forgot to mention i called him at the bar that night he was leaving i told him to wait for me to get there. he was going to come and take her home. when i got there i ran up on his partner in the business and said where is he he was waiting on the couch. i ran up on him took all his money and punched him in the face he laughed and got mad. i told him dont come home and he hasnt. he is a GREAT dad. he works at the bar 830 to 3 or 4 most nights friday til as late as 5. then drives the babysitter home. hes back around 6am. then he gets the other kids to bed while i sleep till 530 pm. i sleep till 4 or 5 on my off days also. he has the kids all day then makes dinner for us. after that he goes n picks up the babysitter loads the laundry and goes back to the club. hes there 7 days a week. is this too much to ask? whenever he leaves to tend to the bar i curse him out. whenever he wakes me up for work i curse and scream at him. it took him 3 years to get it open because i ruined a couple of his partnerships interferring. we also got a loan from my mom for 10k and it disappeared before he could use it for the business. im awesome :lol:


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## kat456 (Oct 11, 2011)

You know i have worked very hard to keep my wife happy. i am a man and I dont take things the way she does. I have not worked since 2007 i worked for dhl the company collasped under us. WE made a decision to start our own business. I have tried everything to support her and our family even to the point of selling drugs. even then it was a joint effort for lack of better word. I love my wife dearly she is my rock. but it has been an abusive relationship. lack of sexy affection over 12 years gets old fast especially during our 20s the way she feels about her issues if felt about mine. i think my wife is absolutely beautiful n am perfectly satisfied with her. I have taken her out and begged her for affection with no results. how we got 4 kids because when i did get it it was an eruption for a lack of a better term. she went ballistic when i was talking to her brother and his wife( why are u bringing them into our marraige) well thats your family you brought them in from the very beginning which i had no issues with. our 2 households ran as one for some time. and they learned everything about us and developed and opinion that was really not in her favor. matter of fact they called her a piece of **** exact words. this caused her to cut them off and hate me more. I dont want her in the bar because drunks are *******s and she is beautiful. they are arragant and it causes me to have to watch them and her. this is a nightclub. i have to work as security, bartender, janitor and whatever else needs done. so i tell her to go behind the bar and chill have a drink. she has come into the bar and scared the hellout of female customers. so bad they ask me and employees what the hell is wrong with her who is that. never the issue of you were flirting EVER. if she gets into a argument or someone is being aggressive towards her i have to calm the situation with alcohol involved it usually is not very simple. i pull guys off women in the bar nightly and want to kick there ass and i dont even know those women. now i have my wife here a guy keeps grabbin her arm, pulling her chair, and being a prick. my approach is not going to be as restraint as with the customers. she says shes a big girl but if i dont react im not standing up for her and if i do we face an altercation losing the business and 4 years of work. its an avoidable situation. if you come to the bar be a host not a angry spouse staring down all the female customers. in the post above could you find any sleep time for me. look again 20-24 hours 7 days aweek and i still put forth an effort to be a husband, father, business owner. not to mention my bar is in the ghetto and the crowd is extremely unpredictable, while you talking im sure you want your spouse in the club during a 15 person fight my biggest fear. did i miss anything. OOOOOHHH also the fact that with my work schedule, the kids, and being able to spend time with her. she gives me no credit for anything nothing. and claims she does all of this by herself. hell of a slap in the face. all that and after she punched me in the face in the middle of our club she threw all my clothes away adn took all my cash. also we have sex 1 a week if that, so really would you stay? and for some reason i love her to this day with all my being. your awesome ps if you  read her post closely she works so much and i take good care of the kids now that im out of the house wouldnt that mean they are at daycare if she works 12 when does she have the kids. she works a 12 off at 7am so who takes the babysitter home and watches the babies in the morning that would be lets just say she gets up at 3 i have taken them to school picked them up had to babies 2 and 4 at home during the day, stay with me now, 3 to 630 she is up around the house, but i cook everynight and at 5 i have to go to pick up the sitter back at 630 she leaves for work when i get back we make their plates she goes to work and at 8 i get ready and go, by HER word on her off day she wants to rest. our bar is open 7 days did you ever hear her say she came to help case closed get my papers ready im ready to sign


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Your posts don't make any sense. Punctuation and white space are your friends. And in one post you say your a lesbian, in the next one you say you're a man. Do you have many other voices inside your head that need to speak out?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tap1214 (Aug 14, 2011)

PBear, You're too funny ...
But I have a feeling kat456's husband has hijacked her account!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

erifunloving said:


> I understand ......Yes right or wrong he is suppose to stand by you...and where do you stay where the police took his word you don't stay there with all your stuff in there.....this seems crazy....if you want to work it out you have to set ground rule anddon't let him get away with doing thing like this.....Try Save My Marriage | The Marriage Savior System and if he react badly you know he doesn't want to work it out


WTF? According to "her" second post, she's a lesbian who's been having affairs with other women. They've sold drugs to make money and have violence/anger issues. That's all as far as I can decipher. 

Personally, it seems like you two either need intensive counseling or you just need to put an end to it before someone gets hurt even worse. You don't apparently have the tools to deal with it on your own.

C


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Kat456- In addition to his other sterling qualities, your husband is also apparently keeping very close tabs on you, since within 12 hours of your initial posting, he has hacked your account and posted crap under your name. 

Pretty brazen on his part, don't you think?

It's kind of funny. In your last paragraph, you say "I really feel like this man does not love me, respect me, or put me first." And in less than 12 hours, you get definitive proof that he does not respect you. You've already gotten proof that he doesn't put you first- he defended his ex-wife over you. I think it's pretty clear from this that he doesn't love you. Which means he's just using you, and badly at that.

Now, he could have created his own account, identified himself as your husband, and offered a point-by-point rebuttal of your issues. You know, presented "his side" of things. Instead, he insults you right off the bat.

Somehow or another, he got you to put up the money to open a nightclub, so he can stay out late and party. That club will never make any money- he will drink all the profits, or split them with his ex-wife. 

I don't like suggesting divorce unless there is serious abuse going on. But you know what? Not all abuse is physical. 

Please consider filing for divorce, and shutting down the nightclub immediately. In reading your initial post, you make enough money to keep the house. Your good-timin' husband will have to find his own place to live. After the divorce is finalized, he will be ordered to pay child support. When he doesn't "man up" even minially and do this, he will be sent to prison, where he will "woman up," which sounds like a good outcome for him. His ex-wife, whom he sided with over you and whom he has almost definitely been having hot steamy secks with (while you are working two jobs) can come visit him in prison and give him tips on his makeup.

And maybe you can find a decent human being to spend the rest of your life with!


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Don't know if it is in fact the case or not, but I read the second post as Kat posting what she perceived her husband would say about her and the next post what her husband would say about their relationship. Perhaps I am wrong and Kat's husband did hack into her account and post???? Whatever the case - Kat needs to leave him ASAP in my opinion.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

karole said:


> Don't know if it is in fact the case or not, but I read the second post as Kat posting what she perceived her husband would say about her and the next post what her husband would say about their relationship. Perhaps I am wrong and Kat's husband did hack into her account and post???? Whatever the case - Kat needs to leave him ASAP in my opinion.


Well, Kat's post used, you know, proper english, with punctuation and paragraphs and stuff like that. Then the followup posts looked like they were written by someone without good writing skills. Which suggests "drunk bartender husband" to me.

I speculate that hubby proceeded to confront her about posting on here. Drama ensued. Perhaps the original Kat456 will return with further commentary, to dispel the confusion.


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## Tommo (Oct 1, 2011)

Huh?


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## kat456 (Oct 11, 2011)

My husband did hack into my account and post under my name. For heaven's sake! This is NOT the man I married!

I am truly speechless about what he did! I don't why I am so surprised but I am. How can a person change so dramatically so fast. How can this man say the things he says and in the next sentence say he loves me.

He clearly does not respect or love me. It is very hard to show someone consideration when he shows me none. 

I have changed my passwords already and today he sent me an email saying he will do whatever it takes to make it work! WTF! I am more confused and angry as ever! I am so tired and fed up! I want to let go, but I also have 4 children with this man. I just feel like I have to save myself. 

I think if I leave him, he will not step up to the plate. I think he will walk out on these kids and keep going. I also don't think he will help financially. He received a debit card in the mail about 2 weeks ago and when I asked him about it. He said "they just sent it to him, he doesn't know why". So from that I think he was already trying to hide his money from me.

He just won't step up. He just won't do the right thing. Like I said before I feel like I have been pulling him kicking and screaming to be an adult and do the right thing. I really truly believe his intentions were to put the money from the club on the debit card and not give any of it to the household. I think he had every intention of spending it on himself or another woman. 

HELP! I really don't know what my next move should be.


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## Tommo (Oct 1, 2011)

kat456 said:


> HELP! I really don't know what my next move should be.


He can STILL "look over your shoulder" on this site. My advice...to you and to his eyeballs (Gidday, Mate!)...is to make sure all this ends up in court.


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## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

Plan your exit.

Be aware that even without your password, your H can come here and read everything you post.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

kat456 said:


> My husband did hack into my account and post under my name. For heaven's sake! This is NOT the man I married!
> 
> I am truly speechless about what he did! I don't why I am so surprised but I am. How can a person change so dramatically so fast. How can this man say the things he says and in the next sentence say he loves me.
> 
> ...


Ahem. I gave you some suggestions in my first response.

Now. Based on your latest posting, I add the following.

1) You husband probably has a keylogger program installed on your computer, so there is a very good chance that he will have your new password already too.

2) He can say the things he says, publicly call you a lesbian one second, says he's ready to sign divorce papers the next, and then send you an email saying he wants to work it out because he is a manipulative psycopath who is using you for your money.

3) I agree with your expectation that if you leave him he will not step up to the plate. I feel compelled to point out that he is not stepping up to the plate now, other than to empty whatever contents you place on it. I addressed this earlier, if you'll go back and read it. I stand by that assessment- get him on the hook for child support, and get him thrown in jail where he can be the woman he's always wanted to be.

4) Going back to item 2, this kind of hate you / love you flip flopping behavior should scare the crap out of you. Combine that with his close surveillance of you (getting your password here) and you are climbing a pyramid that might end at the top with a violent encounter. Please understand that not only hacking your password, but posting crap on here as you is indicative of a person with very poor boundary setting skills. Where does he draw the line on acceptable behavior? I think most people would agree that he has crossed well over the line. 

Your next move should be whatever you decide to do. I recommend getting some space between you and this guy, separating your finances out so that he does not have access to yours, and finding a very good lawyer to explore your legal options.


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## Tommo (Oct 1, 2011)

Buy something called a Louisville Slugger and keep it nearby...


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