# money, stuff, and relationships.



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

How important is money to women in a relationship? I know this question has been asked a million times in different ways, but I’m always surprised at the answer. Usually, everyone chimes in and says in one form or another that money is not important as long as they can pay the bills. That sounds great, and should puts guys minds at ease; however, I don’t tend to see these women in real life, just on forums. 

Does that mean that I think women require a rich guy? No. It’s not about being rich, but most women I know want to be really, really, really, comfortable. All that is fine, but would they turn down a good man if he didn't seem to be up to par with stuff? I don’t know too many who like pinching pennies anymore. 

Most would say money and stuff doesn’t matter, but perhaps we all have an idea of what normal is and don’t let our minds go below that when we picture that. Perhaps every normal guy is expected to at least have a couple of cars, 4 bedroom house, pool, camper, and things of that nature. How much below that would be ok? 

Let’s suppose you meet a guy and you are attracted to him. You think he is nice looking, he has a good job, he is a nice guy, and he has no debt. You then discover that his “stuff” looks like the pictures below. Would that make any difference? That doesn't mean it would always have to be that way, but would you be turned off by this at first? For those who are married, it will just take some imagination to answer. 

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with these, but just a "nothing fancy" example.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Well, what kind of women are you looking at? There are women that require a man have many assets before she will see him as a potential mate. My h makes all of 40k a year. We don't own a home, we rent. We own a 2010 GMC sierra Denali with everything available to a vehicle, but that's the only vehicle we have. I am totally ok with this as I am simple. I grew up extremely poor with never having cable or phone. We sometimes went without electricity for short periods of time. What I have now is a thousand time better. I am also average in attractiveness because I dont get my hair and nails done all or the time and I don't buy expensive make up or clothes. 

It all depends on your preference of woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I've lived in some crappy places.... slowly and surely moving up all these years. I wouldn't judge someone by their house, but how they live. The house in the photo is well kept, the lawn is tended to.... so it looks like someone CARES. That is what matters. I always say....your HOME is how you make it.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

I respect someone who lives within their means and if having no debt is living in a starter home that is completely paid for like the above, that's ok with me. You can make any house a home as long as it is cared for and clean. Someone with too much stuff bought on credit doesn't impress me. I respect taking care of needs more than wants.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

I've lived in worse and would do it again if circumstances warrant it. My H is no slacker and works his butt off but if we fell on hard times I would still love him as much as I do now (which is a LOT!) It's not base on what he can give me it's based on who he is to me.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *staarz21 said*: My h makes all of 40k a year. We don't own a home, we rent. We own a 2010 GMC sierra Denali with everything available to a vehicle, but that's the only vehicle we have. I am totally ok with this as I am simple.


 I am similar to staarz21's in calling myself pretty "simple" by today's standards... but a little backwards from her post...

We drive Older vehicles on purpose (never had a car loan) because we wanted desperately to find, buy & pay off a country home with some land... That was our dream and on his meager income/ with children....any type of fancy lifestyle was not doable... but we never cared or felt we missed anything..... we cared more about paying our bills on time and enjoying our family/ time together. 

We are the type that would consider a new car a gross waste of money... but we *wouldn't* skimp on a vacation we wanted (memories shared)... or a new computer (this helps us find the fun vacations & compare prices!)..... it just depends...

A dependable safe vehicle (any year, even if it looks like a Grandpa car, wouldn't bother me at all)... 

I don't look down on anyone by their cars....If I seen a new Hot Rod/ Mansion of perfection...I'd immediately think to myself... how much did ALL THAT cost & how much debt he is in?... or I'd think he's probably a "Workaholic"... to afford his high lifestyle.. 

In comparison...I'd be more impressed with the guy with the older truck, driving his camper to the campground, enjoying hanging out with his family - might not have a high paying Job but he's darn good with his money & believes in having a stash saved back...for all those little & sometimes BIG emergencies...where he wouldn't have to run to the bank for a Loan... 

That house above... it's so narrow! ..... but really... if I saw this ...the 1st thing I would think is.... "Oh (sigh)...he lives in the city"..... I'd eventually want to drag the city boy to the country... Temporary is ok though.. I'd just want "a plan" if it got serious, to work towards finding a place with more privacy, so we could breathe. 

I had a Realtor one time.. she kept calling us with new houses she found, all this info about # of bedrooms/baths...but my 1st questions were .....

How much land? ... was their any neighbors?... how close to the road (the further the better)? .... Is it in a flood zone? .....can we afford it? ..... Location Location Location...the rest can be fixed at our leisure (even added on -if need be)....... you can't move your neighbors, the sidewalks or the noisy street... 

A guy who looked like he has it ALL but was drowning in debt - I would run from... I'm a saver and he'd not want to deal with me. ....


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

That's my first house!

That car is better than my first, though.

Sometimes I feel like going back to that time....it seemed much simpler....


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Once again, everyone says that stuff and money doesn't matter much, but where are all these women in real life? Personally, I haven't encountered this issue, because I'm not dating. I have talked with other guys who have encountered it, and I have to agree based on what I see and hear.


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## Phenix70 (May 6, 2012)

When I met my H, my annual salary was twice what his was...it didn't matter to me because I wasn't looking for someone to take care of because I was already doing that, THANKYOUVERYMUCH. 
Flash forward to almost 8 years later, he is now making more than I am because his career continued to trajectory up, while mine went down & it's only now that I've been able to get a job that is on par with the one I had in 2007. 
Oddly enough, it was when he started to make more than me we started to have issues because I couldn't contribute as much as I used. He has since gotten his head out of his a*s regarding the financial inequality we have had to deal with.
He has a very skewed relationship with money thanks to his sh*tty childhood & his parents extremely insane ideas of money & relationships.

I feel as long as someone is contributing to the household bills & paying their own bills, it's all good.
I don't want or need a man to buy me things...I buy 'em myself. 
And that might be the best way, because then I don't have to hear anyone say to me, "do you really need that?"
Yes, yes I do & it also stimulates the economy, thereby creating more jobs, so it's a win-win. 

BTW, the house you posted looks like a shotgun house that survived Hurricane Katrina, the emergency notification is still showing on the front wall.


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

I don't think that nowadays it's only a guy's job to bring income to the house, and besides, where I live, it's hard for only one income to sustain a home anyways, so for me, as long as the guy has similar financial background then it's fine if he doesn't own a car nor a house. It's pretty hard for a single person to own a house nowadays anyways, so a guy owning a house is actually a plus more than a requirement.

So my own standards are, as long as we earn pretty much the same, then it's fine. I see both sides as being responsible to earn enough for the life both wants, so if a woman wants a good life then instead of demanding her partner to earn enough for two, she might as well contribute.

It's alot about finding the right partner. A lot of women are after money, just like a lot of men are after beauty, so it's up to us to filter our choices. There are shallow people and non shallow people in both genders anyways.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

lilith23 said:


> I don't think that nowadays it's only a guy's job to bring income to the house, and besides, where I live, it's hard for only one income to sustain a home anyways, so for me, as long as the guy has similar financial background then it's fine if he doesn't own a car nor a house. It's pretty hard for a single person to own a house nowadays anyways, so a guy owning a house is actually a plus more than a requirement.
> 
> So my own standards are, as long as we earn pretty much the same, then it's fine. I see both sides as being responsible to earn enough for the life both wants, so if a woman wants a good life then instead of demanding her partner to earn enough for two, she might as well contribute.
> 
> It's alot about finding the right partner. A lot of women are after money, just like a lot of men are after beauty, so it's up to us to filter our choices. There are shallow people and non shallow people in both genders anyways.


What if you met a guy that you were attracted to, but he didn't make as much as you? 

Is it more the person or lifestyle as well?


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## lilith23 (Sep 6, 2012)

southbound said:


> What if you met a guy that you were attracted to, but he didn't make as much as you?
> 
> Is it more the person or lifestyle as well?


It will depend. My husband earns less than me and has less chances to grow in terms of career than me. But he is hardworking and is still stable.

I prefer someone with similar background since while I don't live wildly, I want to have a stable and decent quality of life. Also, another reason is that I've noticed that people with different lifestyle levels has different outlooks and life philosophies. I certainly am not into social expensive activities, yet I'm into travelling once or twice per year, going to cinema every now and then, and enjoying eating out (nothing fancy though) every now and then, and prefer my partner to share similar interests.

So to answer your question, a guy that earns less than me being someone I'd consider or not as potential husband depends on how different our financial backgrounds are, how hardworking he still is (people who just desire a free life or care little about putting effort to sustain a home is a big NO), and how much we feel for each other and are compatible. If he is responsible and cares to work together as a partner for our home, then I would probably not mind living a cheaper life for the sake of us, but it also depends on how bad it could be.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Well the cars a classic and the house...in San Fransico, Ca. USA is probably 275k, in Cleveland, Oh. probably 19k, so different perspectives for different areas.

Truth be told Southbound you are correct, many say they aren't interested in material things but still....everyone wants some comfort and stability in their life. A quick and dirty indicator of a person is where they are growth wise at a certain age. A 20 year old living in the folks basement and driving a beater car is no big deal, a 50 year STILL living in the folks basement and picking you up in dads Vista Crusier is a hugh red flag. Life is all about growth and maturity, I personally am attracted to those that have shown a pattern of achievement in their life, I'm not talking about having the biggest or shiniest stuff, or several educational degrees, I'm talking about a life that is constantly evolving to be better and more comfortable. 

I also want to add this observation....I am a single man, several times I have went to a ladies home to pick her up for a date and heard the same old line "it isn't much but I'm not a materialistic person" but what I see is a messy house and yard and I instantly think their claiming to be non materialistic is just a convenient excuse to be lazy. 

So label me materialistic if you want, not so much as in owning stuff but as proof of motivation. At this point in my life (53) I want someone that has some accomplishments, someone I know I can depend on to put forth an effort, I want someone that has something to add to the table.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

I think the need for money depends a lot from the social economical background you come from. You have to put up with the in laws. If you marry a rich girl and even if the girl does not care about the money, you will receive a lot of pressure to provide a similar life style.
You do not escape where you come from.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

If the woman loves the man, his lifestyle doesn't matter. Especially if she is not looking to have children, and can provide for herself. Then it is just love, love, love.

But if the woman wants to get married, and is thinking about kids, she may not see it that way. I have gotten some flack for being materialistic (such a laugh if you knew me IRL), but life with kids costs money, esp. if a one income life is planned.

All in all, though, it is probably best to just marry the one you love, and hope for the best. And be glad you live in a country where divorce is legal.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Cooper said:


> Truth be told Southbound you are correct, many say they aren't interested in material things but still....everyone wants some comfort and stability in their life. A quick and dirty indicator of a person is where they are growth wise at a certain age. A 20 year old living in the folks basement and driving a beater car is no big deal, a 50 year STILL living in the folks basement and picking you up in dads Vista Crusier is a hugh red flag. Life is all about growth and maturity, I personally am attracted to those that have shown a pattern of achievement in their life, I'm not talking about having the biggest or shiniest stuff, or several educational degrees, I'm talking about a life that is constantly evolving to be better and more comfortable.


True, and there is nothing wrong with wanting a little comfort in life, I just assume people's idea of this can vary greatly. I don't know too many guys in their 40s who, unless something really bad happens, will be without a roof over their head, heat/air, a washer/dryer, a vehicle, appliances, furniture, and such; however, one can have all that and not exactly live in a showplace.



Cooper said:


> I also want to add this observation....I am a single man, several times I have went to a ladies home to pick her up for a date and heard the same old line "it isn't much but I'm not a materialistic person" but what I see is a messy house and yard and I instantly think their claiming to be non materialistic is just a convenient excuse to be lazy.


I don't know details, but that would be fine with me if she was a decent person and our personalities clicked.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Well, in a relationship I want the time and space to make my own money, and the time to relax when I'm not working according to my needs. Don't crowd me, and I won't need your money, is what I'm saying. Crowd me and demand more of my time and energy than you're willing to give me, and you're going to have to come up with some cash and bennies to make up for the difference. Sometimes the difference can't be made up, work being what it is and avocations being what they are. At that times, get out of the way, I need to be just as self-sufficient as the next human on this planet. I also have kids, so sometimes I'm going to need even more time. All I can say is thank goodness I'm not one of those women who have to work longer and harder for equal pay, or I'd be toast, no time for a man at all.

As for picking up the tab for me at lunch or movies, etc. I better like you a lot, otherwise it's not going to happen. I always feel bad eating food someone I don't care for has paid for...but if it's someone I really like, man or woman or organization, etc. I don't mind one bit. It must have something to do with a power dynamic...


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Cooper said:


> *A quick and dirty indicator of a person is where they are growth wise at a certain age. A 20 year old living in the folks basement and driving a beater car is no big deal, a 50 year STILL living in the folks basement and picking you up in dads Vista Crusier is a hugh red flag. Life is all about growth and maturity, I personally am attracted to those that have shown a pattern of achievement in their life, I'm not talking about having the biggest or shiniest stuff, or several educational degrees, I'm talking about a life that is constantly evolving to be better and more comfortable.*


 I agree with this.... the money we accumulate over the years -there should be *something* to show for all our hard work...it doesn't look good to still be renting and borrowing , still living paycheck to paycheck in our 40's.... something is terribly amiss there in money management. 



> I also want to add this observation....I am a single man, several times I have went to a ladies home to pick her up for a date and heard the same old line "it isn't much but I'm not a materialistic person" *but what I see is a messy house and yard and I instantly think their claiming to be non materialistic is just a convenient excuse to be lazy*.


 Awe ...come now...we're not all like this.... as one who doesn't care much about having the newest & Brightest...it's more because other priorities take precedence in our lives and our disdain for being in DEBT...

I am very particular about order, how the house looks and my yard.. this is another reason I don't want neighbors, they might have a Junk pile or some eye sore mess outside my window to obstruct my view.. which would irritate me..... I'd then want to put up a fence or something to not see it..then they'd be offended... 

Keeping an older house clean & organized is very important for some of us. I'm the type who can't sleep at night till things are put in their place.. I used to vacuum like 3 times a day.. I have gotten a little LAX with being on TAM - unfortunately... I need to get back in the groove.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Miss Froggie, I don't mean to sound too motherly, but . . . a woman of your quality should never be with a man who would treat her the way that last guy treated you!

You are a very smart, very capable, just wonderful woman with undoubtedly a wonderful child! I've read your posts.  There is no reason to accept a bum-- and a guy that would eat takeout in front of you is a bum! What a creep. No more like that, MF!

Onwards and upwards!


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Vacuuming 3 times a day, SA? You really need to get back into that groove?


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Looking back on life I think I should have pursued the money and stuff aspect more that way when I wanted a relationship I could have just rented one.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Oh, (((married tech))). Things are that bad?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

MissFroggie said:


> I've said it on here before - money does matter to me. It matters because I am not well off so while my daughter and I can live a comfortable (simple) life, I resent any man I have to carry because he is too lazy or incompetent to provide his share. It sounds harsh, but I would rather be a solvent single than a liquidated lover! Every penny I spend bailing them out is money I could have spent on my daughter and when the school uniform bill comes along or the gas and electric etc they have nothing to offer and it's my problem - and it's only a problem because I bailed them out!
> 
> I have recently looked at the 5 languages of love and discovered I have a clear winner - I am definitely 'acts of service' and for gifts I scored only 1 - the lowest of the five...(I like a birthday present lol). I give a partner so many acts of service and I feel loved when someone does likewise for me. There is very little a man can do for me that I'm not already doing myself. The very least he can do is pay his own way and if he can't afford to buy enough take-out for us all he can at least not eat it in front of us! I've had that - where I bailed a guy out and had nothing to eat but bread and margarine and he went out and got HIMSELF take-away and ate it in front of me (in MY flat - grrr) while I'm there with my slice of bread! I gave him a look (I was genuinely shocked and disgusted with him) and he said, "I couldn't afford to buy for all of us!" Seriously? The cost of that take-away could have bought ingredients for all of us to have good meals for the next two days!
> 
> No, I stand by it, I am not a gold-digger but money does matter!



Sure, I'm not asking if women would be excited about supporting a guy who has a job now and then, and playing video games is the most important part of his life. 

As I wrote previously, I don't know too many guys in their 40s who don't have the basic comforts, but I know several who don't have boats, campers, 3 cars, and all the new appliances. 

I've also noticed that the reason some guys aren't living paycheck to paycheck is because they don't have all that stuff. They are satisfied without all that and being able to comfortably pay all their bills. 

And, the guy who bought for himself and ate in front of you, he sounds like a jerk. I couldn't have held my head up to have eaten in front of you. I would have bought for everyone else and passed myself if money was that tight.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I am very particular about order, how the house looks and my yard.. this is another reason I don't want neighbors, they might have a Junk pile or some eye sore mess outside my window to obstruct my view.. which would irritate me..... I'd then want to put up a fence or something to not see it..then they'd be offended...
> 
> Keeping an older house clean & organized is very important for some of us. I'm the type who can't sleep at night till things are put in their place.. I used to vacuum like 3 times a day.. I have gotten a little LAX with being on TAM - unfortunately... I need to get back in the groove.


I know you're married, but what if you were single and went to a guy's house and noticed he didn't seem too particular? Would that be a problem? I'm not saying he's a hoarder and never flushes, but just doesn't go around with a dusting rag in one hand and the vacuum in the other all the time.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

southbound said:


> Sure, I'm not asking if women would be excited about supporting a guy who has a job now and then, and playing video games is the most important part of his life.
> 
> As I wrote previously, I don't know too many guys in their 40s who don't have the basic comforts, but I know several who don't have boats, campers, 3 cars, and all the new appliances.
> 
> ...


You are a fine man, southbound, and you will find a fine woman.

We don't have boats, campers, new cars. We do have our house paid for, and a modest apartment, and two used cars. And we are saving for our kids' college bills. I think we're pretty comfortable.

If a woman is too materialistic for you, take it as a sign to move on. And don't do expensive stuff for her to start with. See her character right away. You're looking for good character, right?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southbound said:


> *I know you're married, but what if you were single and went to a guy's house and noticed he didn't seem too particular? Would that be a problem? I'm not saying he's a hoarder and never flushes, but just doesn't go around with a dusting rag in one hand and the vacuum in the other all the time.*


 No, I pretty much expect men to be a little Doggish...(excessive is one thing....you sure would notice THAT, like you open up their car & it is littered)... but a little unkempt ...NORMAL.... this is why they need a woman in their lives ! (just kidding Southbound).....to use a little creativity to spruce the place up a bit, give it some LIFE and maybe a little more order... 

So long as he's not a Hoarder and wouldn't mind ME -getting things organized... I am not obsessive.. since kids...I have gotten a little less particular... or I'd be pulling my hair out..and ordering them about too much.

When I was a teen, my best friend, she was a "Messy" and every time I spent the night... we'd talk & talk while I cleaned & organized her room..I guess it disturbed me a little... Ha ha...and she didn't mine..it was all good.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

What has surprised me as a father of three daughters, now of marriageable age, is that I find myself, whenever a young man is brought home, assessing his career prospects! I never knew this was going to happen to me!

I suspect this is not just me, that fathers do not want their daughters living in poverty?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> .it doesn't look good to still be renting


Is there something wrong with renting?
Vs say, owning a house that's going under...
Or being trapped in a geographical location instead of free to pursue career or other opportunities?
America is so own-a-house or you are underclass...
I think these perceptions have to change.
There is nothing inherently superior financially about owning a house, the exception is if for an individual it makes economic sense to own a house, cost-benefit over renting. Otherwise, if it makes sense to rent, cost-benefit wise then that's the prudent thing to do. Please please please don't look down on renters as though they are poor planners. Many renters are nothing but good planners and have run the numbers and looked at the various trade offs.

Most of my friends who own homes would rather not!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

He had to be a financial equal with me. I didn't care if he rented as often it is a good financial strategy anyway.

My original wish list included him having a car as good as mine, I downgraded that, not many men have a car as flash as mine


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

I'm in Aussie MF, living without a car in this big old country is pretty difficult. 
I drive a minimum of 2 hours per day on an easy day, just school runs. Today I am all over the place getting kitchen quotes, then school run so will do about 4 hours.

We used to live inner city and went down to one car then.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MissFroggie said:


> I think that's part of it. The other thing is that career often says so much about a person. Most people earning good money have worked hard to achieve that. They stick at it when the going is tough, they aspire to achieve and make more of their lives, they are responsible and look at the bigger picture and the long game. Being debt free shows a sense of responsibility and self-control. Doing a job they love shows a self-respect too and a desire to enjoy life even in the things they _must_ do, and an ability to make good choices based on a balance of criteria. Good personal hygiene shows self-respect and attention to detail as well as a desire to be attractive to your partner. Things we look for in a partner are seldom just the thing itself - it is what it tells us about that person's attitude and values.


You have just described my dh, MF. I don't think I have ever thought of it the way you say it, but it is all true. Thanks for your post.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

This is a tough question to get across. I'm not really asking if someone would be willing to live in poverty for a relationship, nor am I asking if everyone is looking for riches in a relationship.

Perhaps the best is to ask, how much of a step down would a woman be willing to take from her economic norm for a relationship? One usually doesn't know someone's true financial status for a while, so, how much of a turn off would the appearance of a step down matter?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

If she loves you, she will want to be with you.

I was with a guy before dh who lived similarly to your photos. I didn't care. 

Don't sweat all this materialistic stuff. I think it will work itself out, if you and she really love each other.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

southbound said:


> Perhaps the best is to ask, how much of a step down would a woman be willing to take from her economic norm for a relationship?


Why would being in a relationship change a woman's financial and economic status? Is there some underlying assumption that she is going to share $ with the guy, or that her income earning potential or wealth is going to go down after pairing up?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

southbound said:


> You then discover that his “stuff” looks like the pictures below.


You know what would be my problem with his 'stuff' looking like that? That the yard is 99.5% barren (aside from a tree stump). To me, that tells me he has no pride of ownership (even if he's renting, he can ask permission to fix up the yard; the landlord likely would be glad for it), spends his time on himself, and probably has low goals.


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## Omego (Apr 17, 2013)

southbound said:


> Perhaps the best is to ask, how much of a step down would a woman be willing to take from her economic norm for a relationship? One usually doesn't know someone's true financial status for a while, so, how much of a turn off would the appearance of a step down matter?


It's not just about money. It's about similar background/upbringing. 

I'd think the answer would therefore be not that far down because it would be destabilizing.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I really appreciate what you said about nails and stuff like that, MF. I have never really understood it because I am a pretty simple woman, and dh doesn't care about those things, either. But the way you explain it, the way they "define" themselves that way, that makes sense.

We all need to be who we are. That is how we will be happiest.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

In my experience, most people (especially women, but men to an extent too) subconsciously expect the standard of living they grew up with as a minimum. There are exceptions, but these are usually people from a wealthy or upper middle class background who deliberately set out on a course of living more meagerly, e.g. to do public service or for some ideological reason. So if you want to know what a woman will expect down the road, look at how she grew up.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

turnera said:


> You know what would be my problem with his 'stuff' looking like that? That the yard is 99.5% barren (aside from a tree stump). To me, that tells me he has no pride of ownership (even if he's renting, he can ask permission to fix up the yard; the landlord likely would be glad for it), spends his time on himself, and probably has low goals.


Interesting. Even though the house is nothing fancy, I thought it looked rather neat and well kept. The outside of the house looks tidy, and the lawn looks thick and green. There is no junk sitting around. But perhaps that is how men and women see things differently. 

I'm not sure I understand this "taking pride" thing that people mention a lot. It appears some believe if everyone's stuff isn't spotless and fancy, they apparently don't take pride in it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I remember reading a book long ago about life in Australia, I think (they made some famous TV movie or miniseries about it, was it called Thornbirds or something?). Anyway, it described this woman who had this little home; it wasn't much, but it was hers, and it was all she had. Nothing was fancy, but it was well taken care of. They had these terrible dust storms there, and she literally had to clean out the dust from her home, every.single.day. But she took great pride in that home and she wasn't about to let that dust defeat her. I'm afraid to say that I've always compared everyone against her, lol. Not fair, I know, but I always admired her for it.

And add in having an ex-military father, who did take the time to spit-shine his shoes, and expected the house to be similarly taken care of, and a mom who remembered the Depression where you never took a single item for granted, so I guess that's why I can't admire someone who doesn't take good care of their stuff.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Is there something wrong with renting?
> Vs say, owning a house that's going under...
> Or being trapped in a geographical location instead of free to pursue career or other opportunities?
> America is so own-a-house or you are underclass...
> ...


Oh please don't misunderstand me, sorry if my post came off this way... it's just that owning a house FOR ME.. IS important.. it was very very very important in fact.. but if we couldnt find one we wanted in the country, we would have rented something we could afford in the country -as an alternative.. 

We are the type of people who have no desire to move around, or feel that freedom, people that know us can almost count we'll still be planted here till the day we die, that's just the way we are ...or how we see our future.. 

We rented our 1st house, wanted to buy it, it was very hard on us when we had to move out.. I never wanted that to happen again. But NO, I don't really look down on anyone for their financial situation, we have friends that rent.. 

But I would be more impressed with a man who either had money enough (in his 40's) to buy a house.. or he owned one.. but really I wouldn't even pass up a man who still lived with his [email protected]# many women would automatically assume he has to be a real loser.. but I would seek to know more.. 

I am surely picky in a variety of areas... not having high debt is one of them...especially as one gets older... having an excellent work ethic is another..and a man geared more Romantic - the older fashioned type is another thing that would matter a great deal to me.. We all have our desired lists... don't we?


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

turnera said:


> I remember reading a book long ago about life in Australia, I think (they made some famous TV movie or miniseries about it, was it called Thornbirds or something?). Anyway, it described this woman who had this little home; it wasn't much, but it was hers, and it was all she had. Nothing was fancy, but it was well taken care of. They had these terrible dust storms there, and she literally had to clean out the dust from her home, every.single.day. But she took great pride in that home and she wasn't about to let that dust defeat her. I'm afraid to say that I've always compared everyone against her, lol. Not fair, I know, but I always admired her for it.
> 
> And add in having an ex-military father, who did take the time to spit-shine his shoes, and expected the house to be similarly taken care of, and a mom who remembered the Depression where you never took a single item for granted, so I guess that's why I can't admire someone who doesn't take good care of their stuff.


I see where you are coming from and where you get this standard. Everyone is just so different.

I looked at the house and thought he did take pride; I thought it looked rather neat.

Let me give you an example about me. I've never been a lawn person. In other words, I mow it from time to time, but I don't get bent out of shape about mowing on a schedule or a weed. I guess i was taught that kind of thing is frivolous. My parents and grandparents work manual labor on the farms and factories(no sad story here, they actually did quite well), and they just thought spending a lot of time manicuring your lawn was a meaningless thing. Mowing one's lawn serves a function, but trying to make it look like a golf course is a waste of time if you are not into that kind of thing.

I am the same way. Does that mean i don't take pride in my house or lawn. That's not what it means to me, but maybe to others.

I'm more of a functional person. I actually have a cabinet in my bathroom that is designed for a garage, but it serves my purpose for towels and such. Does it mean that I don't take pride in my house because I have a garage cabinet in my bathroom? I hope not.

I'm not trying to change anyone or saying anyone else is wrong, just presenting my side.


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

I think sometimes "pride" "ambition" "values" become a way of talking around money for people afraid to admit they care about money.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Me too, southbound. Note that I said 'for me.'


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southbound said:


> Let me give you an example about me. I've never been a lawn person. In other words, *I mow it from time to time, but I don't get bent out of shape about mowing on a schedule or a weed. I guess i was taught that kind of thing is frivolous.* My parents and grandparents work manual labor on the farms and factories(no sad story here, they actually did quite well), and they just thought spending a lot of time manicuring your lawn was a meaningless thing. *Mowing one's lawn serves a function, but trying to make it look like a golf course is a waste of time if you are not into that kind of thing*.


 We only try to make ours look picture perfect when we are throwing a large party...we mow about 5 acres and a walking trail in the back...it takes almost 3 hrs on a Rider to do this...then weed wacking..sometimes we skip doing that till about the 3 rd time mowing... if we do this together (we have 3 riders) -we can cut our time in half. 

For us, it's worth this hassle cause we love where we live so much... the peace and quiet. .... I am sure my perspective is odd on this thread..if that narrow little house was sitting on a piece of private property, it would be 50 times more appealing to me. but being where it is located, I wouldn't care for it. 



> I am the same way. *Does that mean i don't take pride in my house or lawn.* That's not what it means to me, but maybe to others.


 if you have neighbors .. to keep up with how theirs looks - in the same block - I would think is reasonable.. people do tend to notice stuff like this.... in comparing house to house in the same area anyway. 



> I'm more of a functional person. *I actually have a cabinet in my bathroom that is designed for a garage*, but it serves my purpose for towels and such. Does it mean that I don't take pride in my house because I have a garage cabinet in my bathroom? I hope not.


 I wouldn't think anything of a man living like this.. men are simple creatures.. wouldn't bother me while getting to know anyone at all.. but if /when you marry .. if that happened.. I'd think she'd want to change that cabinet.. down the road.. would that bother YOU Southbound?


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## John Lee (Mar 16, 2013)

John Lee said:


> In my experience, most people (especially women, but men to an extent too) subconsciously expect the standard of living they grew up with as a minimum. There are exceptions, but these are usually people from a wealthy or upper middle class background who deliberately set out on a course of living more meagerly, e.g. to do public service or for some ideological reason. So if you want to know what a woman will expect down the road, look at how she grew up.


Like for example, people say they wouldn't mind living in a cheap area. But then they see that the housing stock doesn't look what they think houses are supposed to look like, the people there don't dress the way they're used to, their neighbors have different aesthetic tastes than they're used to and it bothers them in a way they can't quite put their finger on. Or people say "I don't need to take expensive vacations," never really having a sense of what an "inexpensive" vacation is like, and then they realize they're not so comfortable on the minivan road trip, staying in the cheap motel, etc. Or maybe they always assumed their kids would take piano lessons and ballet, not even assumed, but just never gave it a thought, and then they see how much that actually costs.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> We only try to make ours look picture perfect when we are throwing a large party...we mow about 5 acres and a walking trail in the back...it takes almost 3 hrs on a Rider to do this..


I'd probably just shoot myself before i would mow 5 acres in the form of a lawn. :rofl:



SimplyAmorous said:


> .then weed wacking..sometimes we skip doing that till about the 3 rd time mowing... if we do this together (we have 3 riders) -we can cut our time in half.


Three mowers? Wow. I guess some people's idea of common is different. I'll bet your place looks like a country kingdom.



SimplyAmorous said:


> For us, it's worth this hassle cause we love where we live so much... the peace and quiet. .... I am sure my perspective is odd on this thread..if that narrow little house was sitting on a piece of private property, it would be 50 times more appealing to me. but being where it is located, I wouldn't care for it.


Sure. I noticed some others mentioned the location, but I didn't intend for that to make a difference. Imagine it anywhere you want. I live out in the country too with no neighbors in sight. 



SimplyAmorous said:


> if you have neighbors .. to keep up with how theirs looks - in the same block - I would think is reasonable.. people do tend to notice stuff like this.... in comparing house to house in the same area anyway.


I understand. I wonder why it's up to the spiffy people to set the standard, though. Why not everybody decide, like me, they are not going to worry about their lawn and just mow whenever, and let the guy who mows often be the oddball.



SimplyAmorous said:


> I wouldn't think anything of a man living like this.. men are simple creatures.. wouldn't bother me while getting to know anyone at all.. but if /when you marry .. if that happened.. I'd think she'd want to change that cabinet.. down the road.. would that bother YOU Southbound?


No, that wouldn't bother me.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I finally went and looked at the photos. I don't need any imagination to answer. My boyfriend who had the brain hemorrhage had a house trailer (paid for) and an older model truck (also paid for.) I met him and grew to like him not knowing about his stuff. In fact, I think he was living with friends renting a room above their barn when I first met him. 

So there are people who are put off by small houses? I don't see what's wrong with the car, it looks like a very comfortable ride. I suppose it has a name? Most of my friends who have cars like that have a name for them...I had an old van named Matilda (waltzing) but my present car is some kind of economy model that doesn't deserve to be named. It has zero personality.

My day to day lifestyle is very basic. I like it like that, it's low cost and easy to maintain, keeps the stress down of finances and have time for my kids. Also have time and $ for travel. 

To each their own.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Oh, southbound, your answers on mowing had me laughing out loud!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

southbound said:


> *Three mowers? Wow. I guess some people's idea of common is different. I'll bet your place looks like a country kingdom*.


 But I didn't say how OLD they are ! Our 1st Gravely we've had since we moved here 17 yrs ago...it's a 1972 (paid $800) that thing is a TANK... then he bought another one for a spare cause he loves it -only one belt runs the whole thing... for $500...so we got 2 of these..










Then we bought 1978 John Deer from a friend who just wanted a new one.. ($800 I think- about 4 yrs ago). 2 of these are in need of repairs right now... so it's good to have extras! 



> *Sure. I noticed some others mentioned the location, but I didn't intend for that to make a difference. Imagine it anywhere you want. I live out in the country too with no neighbors in sight*.


 Well ya know..just giving the fine details.. that it's not the house itself that would cause me to sigh , just the location...

Really when you meet up with someone in mid life...what if they both own a house.. I had an Uncle who got divorced & his new GF loved her own house, he loved his (he built it) so they never married cause they didn't want to move ! If something happened to my husband, I wouldn't want to move.. I love where I live. 




John Lee said:


> *Or people say "I don't need to take expensive vacations," never really having a sense of what an "inexpensive" vacation is like, and then they realize they're not so comfortable on the minivan road trip, staying in the cheap motel, etc. Or maybe they always assumed their kids would take piano lessons and ballet, not even assumed, but just never gave it a thought, and then they see how much that actually costs*.


I feel if a couple compromises in some areas (of lessor importance to them).... then they can afford in other areas that matter more of the enjoyments they want to experience.... 

For us...the main thing we compromise on is our vehicles (well our Mover tractors too)... we refuse to buy expensive cars --the highest we've ever paid is $5,000 for our Suburban... he prefers older so he can fix them himself.. this has saved us a tremendous amount of money over the years.. 

So we can afford our daughter gymnastics lessons & we can take those trips to Disney every so many years (we cut costs there too..renting a mini van (after all our cars are older)...we get a cottage for $80 a night for all 7 of us/ stove & fridge......10 minutes from the parks...we'd never stay on property !....but we don't feel we are really missing anything ..we still get to enjoy the Disney experience ... 

With as many kids as we have, I try to buy many of their clothes in consignment shops to save $$.. this helps.... almost new clothes there too.. .If someone wanted to look down on us for this..(which I've never felt in real life).... what can you do.. 

I feel it is Thrifty.. things like this has allowed me to be a SAH Mother.. and this I am thankful for.. I try to take advantage of the sales when Shoes are Buy one -get half off.. I buy their video games used on EBAY... they don't care, so long as they play...

We go to the $1 Theater...we do pizza day when it is $4 a Pizza in our area... we look for the deals... This way we stretch our dollars...so they can be used for something else... 

My standard of living growing up..can't say my parents even did Vacations..all I remember is Disney age 5.. only because I have a pic with Mickey mouse..

We kinda made our own road map ... we have a better lifestyle over both of our growing up experiences, I'd say.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I cashed in my retirement account and sold two houses.
Now have a kid who had spinal surgery and loads of extra care in childhood who is a joy to have in my home (i.e. home, not house) and life. It's good to have money but it's even better to know when it's not really that important to hold onto it. Money only has value in the way that it's spent, or what kind of value it brings to your life.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SA, you are a champ SAHM. I am impressed.

And if we ever go to Disney, I am consulting with you first!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

jld said:


> *And if we ever go to Disney, I am consulting with you first!*


I've had a few consult me.. ... This is where we stay... aren't these cottages cute... Orlando Cottage Rentals - Vacation Rentals | Tropical Palms

They have a loft for the kids (well the standard cottages do, they have newer models now -a little higher cost)... all have a deck with picnic table... some have trees... 



> *MissFroggie said*:* I was going to ask if I could come to Disney too and point out that I don't have any money but do have a really really well mowed lawn ... then I thought it could sound rude without the right context ... and it's also a lie as I don't do the garden, the gardeners do ... and that sounds even ruder .*..


 I could use a Gardner..... every couple years we decide to do a garden.. then I get sick of taking care of it.. and it grows tall weeds.. one year a friend asked...."what is that over there?".....and we had a great :rofl: about it... how I got really lazy and just quit pulling weeds...... hey, at least they were friends!! NO need to impress..... 

Yeah...I allowed my garden to be an awful "eye sore".

Do you REALLY have a Gardener Miss Froggie? I would like to hire a landscaper.. I am not very good at getting starter plants to grow... and just don't have the knack of what would look good where and all that, I want to plant things that will come up every year with no effort on my part.. those perennials .....I have an utterly purple thumb.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Well, I went out one day to find myself a millionaire, but they were all on their yachts, and because I get seasick I had to settle for guy with a beat up old Ford and a 2 bedroom, 70+yr old house with no kitchen. Lived in that tiny house with no kitchen for years. The ford died and was replaced by another crappy ford, which died and was replaced by another crappy ford. We've upgraded just recently to a slightly less crappy ford, bought it for $2000 and I'm chuffed that we have a car younger than 15yrs old, lol.

The only thing that pissed me off about money was after DH had been doing kungfu for a while, and I wanted to discuss, 'cause we hadn't discussed it in quite a while, what our financial plans were for the future. Dh had been starting to think that living like a monk with no worldly possessions might be a gratifying experience (with 2 kids to raise and a retirement to plan for!). Safe to say he soon knew he'd be living like a monk in truth if he kept going down that path...


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

breeze, you are hilarious


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Reginald D Hunter explains the differences between US, UK, and Aussie women and economic status. 

Reginald D Hunter's "lady action" - Friday Night with Jonathan Ross - BBC One - YouTube


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

I want to be comfortable, but I am not concerned with being really, really, really comfortable. I want to live in a "nice" neighborhood with good schools for our children. I want to know the parents of their friends, and I want their values to be similar to mine. I don't want to have to worry about a lot of crime in my area. 

I work full time, and we both are frugal with our money. We keep our cars for 10 years. I do not expect to be treated like a princess who goes to the athletic club each day, spends her time Facebooking, and wants her husband to toil away at a high-level, stressful job so that I can have a huge house with a pool, expensive cars, European vacations, etc.

When I was dating, I looked for a good man who was compatible with my personality. I was not attracted to men who did not seem capable of earning a middle class income. I wanted this both for myself and for our future family. 

Our children went to state colleges, and that was fine with us. But we were able to pay their expenses, so they did not have to start life with crushing student loans. That is my definition of comfortable.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

MSP said:


> Reginald D Hunter explains the differences between US, UK, and Aussie women and economic status.
> 
> Reginald D Hunter's "lady action" - Friday Night with Jonathan Ross - BBC One - YouTube


lmao, sounds about right


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

MissFroggie said:


> I've said it on here before - money does matter to me. It matters because I am not well off so while my daughter and I can live a comfortable (simple) life, I resent any man I have to carry because he is too lazy or incompetent to provide his share. It sounds harsh, but I would rather be a solvent single than a liquidated lover! Every penny I spend bailing them out is money I could have spent on my daughter and when the school uniform bill comes along or the gas and electric etc they have nothing to offer and it's my problem - and it's only a problem because I bailed them out!
> 
> I have recently looked at the 5 languages of love and discovered I have a clear winner - I am definitely 'acts of service' and for gifts I scored only 1 - the lowest of the five...(I like a birthday present lol). I give a partner so many acts of service and I feel loved when someone does likewise for me. There is very little a man can do for me that I'm not already doing myself. The very least he can do is pay his own way and if he can't afford to buy enough take-out for us all he can at least not eat it in front of us! I've had that - where I bailed a guy out and had nothing to eat but bread and margarine and he went out and got HIMSELF take-away and ate it in front of me (in MY flat - grrr) while I'm there with my slice of bread! I gave him a look (I was genuinely shocked and disgusted with him) and he said, "I couldn't afford to buy for all of us!" Seriously? The cost of that take-away could have bought ingredients for all of us to have good meals for the next two days!
> 
> No, I stand by it, I am not a gold-digger but money does matter!


I agree with this.

We all have certain expectations with a mate, especially when they proclaim that they are serious in your relationship.

Who the heck wants to support another dependent.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

breeze said:


> Well, I went out one day to find myself a millionaire, but they were all on their yachts, and because I get seasick I had to settle for guy with a beat up old Ford and a 2 bedroom, 70+yr old house with no kitchen. Lived in that tiny house with no kitchen for years. The ford died and was replaced by another crappy ford, which died and was replaced by another crappy ford. We've upgraded just recently to a slightly less crappy ford, bought it for $2000 and I'm chuffed that we have a car younger than 15yrs old, lol.
> 
> The only thing that pissed me off about money was after DH had been doing kungfu for a while, and I wanted to discuss, 'cause we hadn't discussed it in quite a while, what our financial plans were for the future. Dh had been starting to think that living like a monk with no worldly possessions might be a gratifying experience (with 2 kids to raise and a retirement to plan for!). Safe to say he soon knew he'd be living like a monk in truth if he kept going down that path...



Ha Ha!

Yeah....guys can be stupid.

One of my best buds was all zen like that.

He sooned learned once you have kids you need to be economically zen...

Love the guy, but he was way out to lunch on his utopia in is mind....and what the world was using as a stick to actually beat him into reality.

Although...his utopia was pretty cool. I would like to live there for a while.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

MissFroggie said:


> I've said it on here before - money does matter to me. It matters because I am not well off so while my daughter and I can live a comfortable (simple) life, I resent any man I have to carry because he is too lazy or incompetent to provide his share. It sounds harsh, but I would rather be a solvent single than a liquidated lover! Every penny I spend bailing them out is money I could have spent on my daughter and when the school uniform bill comes along or the gas and electric etc they have nothing to offer and it's my problem - and it's only a problem because I bailed them out!
> 
> I have recently looked at the 5 languages of love and discovered I have a clear winner - I am definitely 'acts of service' and for gifts I scored only 1 - the lowest of the five...(I like a birthday present lol). I give a partner so many acts of service and I feel loved when someone does likewise for me. There is very little a man can do for me that I'm not already doing myself. The very least he can do is pay his own way and if he can't afford to buy enough take-out for us all he can at least not eat it in front of us! I've had that - where I bailed a guy out and had nothing to eat but bread and margarine and he went out and got HIMSELF take-away and ate it in front of me (in MY flat - grrr) while I'm there with my slice of bread! I gave him a look (I was genuinely shocked and disgusted with him) and he said, "I couldn't afford to buy for all of us!" Seriously? The cost of that take-away could have bought ingredients for all of us to have good meals for the next two days!
> 
> No, I stand by it, I am not a gold-digger but money does matter!



Ahhhhh. Ms froggie.....

No one should have to feed thier daughter bread and margarine....

Not that you constantly do....but I can relate....

I feel for you....this is my growing up experience....

Bread and margarine. And for school lunch....

Honestly...I can't stand even the sight of toast.....or balognie sandwiches now....

Sigh....makes me feel guilty... I'm VP of a tech company now....I eat steak.....And so did my parents after that...

Love thier souls....they did teach me some values and importance in life. 

I feel proud and shameful at the same time.....


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## muffin1983 (Sep 1, 2013)

This is a tough questions because yes, money is a necessity in life. I also think it depends on your stage of life. My husband and I got together in early 20s while still in school and when we moved in together, we didn't have much. Our apartment consisted of random furniture that was cheap and the reason we had a vehicle was because H's mom gave us hers when she bought a new one. 

Now, as someone in her 30s if I were to start dating again, I think I would have higher expectations...no debt, a vehicle, a house (rent or bought) and maybe some savings. I would want a man who was driven and on the same page as me. I would date a man who drove an older car and had a modest house as shown in the pictures. I wouldn't date a man based on his paycheck because I could provide for myself. Unfortunately, I do know some women who won't date a man if doesn't make enough.

As for the pictures, they don't do real justice. My house (I rent) looks a little beat up on the outside but has been completely redone on the inside and is modestly furnished with all the necessities. So I think the moral is don't change a book by its cover.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

It's true that if all people considered financial compatibility a lot more seriously, both men and women, a great many marital problems could potentially be avoided.

I think it's all about priorities. An example would be my DH, and a mate of his who is single and still looking for a partner in life and wants a family.

DH had a FT job, had a house (wasn't pretty, but it's the priority that matters, not how pretty the curtains are), a car that was obviously about getting from A to B, a desire to have a family. It was obvious he had his ducks in a row. He wasn't a loser who would blow all his money on stupid stuff and let his family starve.

His friend who has wanted marriage and kids, but has only managed short term relationships doesn't own a house, he rents, he doesn't have a FT job, he contracts out because he prefers the money, drinks heavily, has had very expensive cars and always buys the very latest technology, not to fill a need, but because he wants it. His priorities in life are crap. He wants a family but lacks the instincts to be a good partner.

Smart women, without huge emotional problems etc, which is the type of woman he's searching for, are very cluey about these things. It might not even be clear in their heads as to why they're not keen on a long term relationship with him, but the result will be the same. Charming, attractive, but with ducks running all over the place. His package is pretty but there's nothing inside.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

Tough question, as evidenced by the various answers. Again, I'm not asking if someone would be happy with a hobo or that women who consider finances are gold diggers, 

Perhaps another way to ask is, what is more important, who the person is at their core, or a type of lifestyle?

With me, I never cared about what stuff a woman had, or what her potential was, I was more interested in what kind of person she was. Was she and I on the same page morally, is she basically a good person at heart, do we click in a way that can't necessarily be explained, etc. 

It reminds me of the scene in "A Christmas Carol" where Scrooge's wife is releasing him from their relationship. Apparently, they were both poor when they first got together, but he becomes wealthy and she feels he no longer cares for her. He tries to weasel out of it, but she asks something like, "if you met me now, would you still choose me?" He stood silent, and apparently broke up.

I guess i just feel that people are who they are regardless of what stuff they have. Stuff can come and go, even if you start with a lot of stuff, but who one is isn't so easily taken away.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

I don't think having stuff is necessarily the most important thing, I think that you should find someone that wants/likes similar stuff. To me it factors into compatability. Using myself as an example, I don't see owning a home as any sort of a factor in choosing someone. I personally see a house as a place to sleep, cook and shower. I have absolutely zero interest in landscaping, painting, mowing, repairing or any of those things you have to do when you own a home. So I don't much care if you rent or own, I just wouldn't be compatible with someone that always has the next project to do and has tools and is always tinkering with stuff. 

In that sense, I think that your lifestyle _around_ your stuff is the big factor for compatability. In the end though, I don't think anyone can say that even "most people" would feel one way or the other about it, it's just one more factor to consider in compatability.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

MF, you are such a nice woman, and I just do not want to see you giving to someone who does not give even more to you. Please make sure that the next man is giving to you, and not you doing all the work. I hate to see nice women used.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

COGypsy said:


> I don't think having stuff is necessarily the most important thing, I think that you should find someone that wants/likes similar stuff. To me it factors into compatability. Using myself as an example, I don't see owning a home as any sort of a factor in choosing someone. I personally see a house as a place to sleep, cook and shower. I have absolutely zero interest in landscaping, painting, mowing, repairing or any of those things you have to do when you own a home. So I don't much care if you rent or own, I just wouldn't be compatible with someone that always has the next project to do and has tools and is always tinkering with stuff.
> 
> In that sense, I think that your lifestyle _around_ your stuff is the big factor for compatability. In the end though, I don't think anyone can say that even "most people" would feel one way or the other about it, it's just one more factor to consider in compatability.


That's a good point, finding someone who wants similar stuff, but I guess that's the thing; I don't find too many people who are satisfied with just common stuff. I think you are an exception. 

Even my x wife. She was raised as poor as a church mouse. when we first married, I don't think she cared about stuff at all. As we got a little more financially stable and got a few items, however, I think her head swelled a little. Personally, It doesn't matter to me what kind of house I live in just as long as it's functional and adequate for normal living.


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