# I need help



## confused0811

My boyfriend is overseas in the Army. We have been together for almost 2 years. I have been here in MA faithfully waiting for his return, supposed to be next year. Now, he is very good friends with his ex, who is married with a kid. I dont think that matters at all. I think that he still has alot of feelings for her but he says i have nothing to worry about and that i am all wrong. I know all of his passwords online and today read am email between them. He told her that he has been thinking of her lately and even had dreams about her, ones that he shouldnt be having! I am so extremely crushed over this but i cant tell him that i know his passwords because that will ruin evrything and everytime something bad happens he turns it into my fault. I dont know what to to, this is making me physically ill. I ask him to call me all the time but he says hes too tired or its too late but in the email he told her he was going to call her to tell her about this dream. She responded as if she was single! Id love to know what is going on but he usually denies everything. What is happening?


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## Blanca

well i could be wrong here, but i think you need to confront him on this. if you cant talk to him and get his answers then you cant make a decision whether to stay or go. It'll just bottle up inside of you until you explode. He'll get angry that you were in his email, but you need to get this out in the open so you can move on with your life.


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## 827Aug

Up until a couple of months ago I would have been all for confronting him. Now, however, I see things much differently. My new counselor is helping me to achieve inner peace and I have also turned to the Bible for answers. From what you have written, it appears that your boyfriend is trying to distance himself from you. That being said, confrontation will only drive him farther away. So, you'll have to decide what you want. Do you want a loving relationship with him or do you want to have a relationship filled with demands and arguments? I strongly recommend you read "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. It has many techniques to help you move closer together (without confrontation). Although Gary Chapman has another book, "Hope for the Separated", I know it isn't for everyone. This book has many biblical references which I have found very helpful. 

Also, if you begin confronting him about his e-mails to the ex, you're going to tip your hand. He will change his password and will probably begin doing other things unknown to you. Then, you will lose trust in him. For now, I'd say nothing and just watch the e-mails for a few weeks. In the meantime begin working on things to pull the two of you closer together. 

I give you this advice because I tried the confrontation route in my marriage. It didn't work and I'm now separated. My husband saw me as controlling and rebelled. If you look at some of my posts, you'll see his rebellion has cost us everything.


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## draconis

ljtseng said:


> well i could be wrong here, but i think you need to confront him on this. if you cant talk to him and get his answers then you cant make a decision whether to stay or go. It'll just bottle up inside of you until you explode. He'll get angry that you were in his email, but you need to get this out in the open so you can move on with your life.


:iagree:

draconis


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