# Moving



## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

I have put away some money and I found two places to call on today to get out of the house and he knows this. I told him last night. 
But the thing is that I don't know how he feels about it. 
I know it's over, but I'm sad. 
I think we've needed this to happen for a long time. Now I just need to move out. 

I just wish I had someone to talk to about this right now. 

It's hard.


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## mikey (Jul 7, 2009)

Easysilence,

Thanks for your post on my thread!! I really appreciate it.

I have gone through all your posts. Looks like you are pretty close to what my wife's condition is, and I may be as 'big' of an 'a-hole' as your husband is ;-). But I am taking the liberty to give you advice since I can now relate to the issues you are having.

See, my wife conveyed all these feelings to me when we were together but I never understood as I too got defensive and she started screaming. So, what I would recommend is for you to not move out. Instead, do a few things that may help you shed some of this burden you are carrying. And, when you feel a little light, talk to your H in an amicable way and tell him straight to be understanding and not to take this as offense. Very sweetly explain to him that you are loosing your identity and have only 2 solutions:
1.) That he backs off and gives you some space, makes you in-charge of certain things and doesn't interfere
2.) you moving out

Tell him in a calmer voice that if we don't resolve this now we won't be left with any solution but to separate out which may lead to divorce.

Try a few things, give it your last best shot, don't move out!! Please be in touch, I can very well guide you through this as I was in the same boat as your husband is in.

good luck!!


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## ifonly (Aug 21, 2009)

You've given good advice. However, this only works if the H "gets it". If he thinks he is giving her space BUT reality is different then this doesn't work. This is my EXACT problem at present. I've begged for space, counselor has told him to back-off numerous times AND he thinks he is. He calls watching a TV program in another room for 2 hours giving me space. Then after the program he wants to drill me on "my issues" for the next 2 hours. Because he didn't get what I thought was a very clear definition of space I had to resort to stronger language that included a separation in the same house temporarily. So, 5 days into it he's asking me to come back to our bedroom, give him hugs, and take a shower with me. I don't call this space. When I point this out it creates the whole scenario of "poor me", listing of my past and present communication gaps, etc etc. AND I have to say last night when I was leaving the room he was coming into he blocked the doorway so we could have yet another painful discussion. So, you see it could work IF he gets it. I don't know in emotionally charged issues if its possible. I do agree though if it could work that way it would work wonders in allowing one to unravel built up emtionally charged issues. Giving one another space should be a loving thing to do not a threatening one. So, if it works more power to you, if it doesn't I know what you're going through. 
GOOD LUCK TO YOU !!!!!


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## easysilence (Jul 1, 2009)

ifolny I am so sorry about what you're going through. I have to tell you it sounds so much like situations I've gone through before with my H. I have decided to go ahead with the separation and started moving over the weekend. 

I have to say that so far H has been GREAT. But in our case, we both know exactly what the issues are and we've been over and over and over them. 
We both need this separation in order to see each other in a different light. 

Check out my post from this morning if you want to and see how the separation has been going so far. It's not easy, but I have to believe that it's the best thing for everyone.


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