# what next?



## helg0040 (Jul 25, 2009)

About 2 months ago my husband told me that he no longer loved me and is not in love with me. Since he told me this it is like a flip has been switched and he shows no emotions. I have backed off and tried to give him a little space. He basically has cut out all communication. Everytime I try to even make small talk the look on his face is like it is the most uncomfortable thing in the world to be talking to me. I tried to talk to him about it and expressed my frustation on how he can turn off all emotion? He told me "that the only emotion he has left is that he wants out". I feel like he backed me into a corner so I wrote him a letter letting him know that I dont want to keep him in an unappy marriage and told him the next steps were up t him. He didnt say a word about the lettter Not a word. My question is for everyone what next? How does a person just shut off all emotions of caring?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

after only 2 months ? was this marriage your idea or both of yours?
It sounds as if he is feeling he was tricked into marriage or something to stop all communication.


far as what happens next... you can only control yourself and your emotions, not his... 
I guess he will file for divorce and you will have to figure out how to move on. 

A person can cut off all emotions easily if they feel they were tricked into something because caringmakes them feel foolish, so they stop caring.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

The lack of emotion is real; what seemed like emotion, etc., before, may have been fake. In other words, the feelings have probably been gone for a while, but he wasn't ready to admit it (to himself or to you), so he was going through the motions.

Have you investigated the possibility that there is someone else in his life? He will probably deny it, but check phone records, email, credit card statements, unexplained absences, etc. 

Whether or not there is someone else, you need to make up your mind whether you are going to let go of the marriage or not. Talk to a counselor as soon as possible, either way. You need to take care of you. Are there children involved? How long have you been married? What are your ages?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Start by helping yourself. You will not convince him to love you or want to say otherwise... and trying to do so will make you look weak and unattractive.

There are some good books on the subject like this...I've been using them. 

Dr. Dobsons's *When Love Must Be Tough*. It's for the spouse that wants out of the marriage.

Harvey's book *When the One you Love Wants to Leave*. More details than the Dr. Dobson's book but same concept.

These have helped me greatly. 

Improve yourself as much as you can (exercise; hobbies; self help books; support groups; church; individual counseling; etc.) This will help your sanity. There are no guarantees that he will come back. But doing these things will make you look more attractive to him AND will be good for you.


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