# Wife lied, left me for guy with same name and same face



## davis1056 (Dec 4, 2015)

Hi,

I've been separated for 5 months and I have to wait until 6 months to be legally divorced. I just found out that my wife left me for a guy with the SAME name and looks almost exactly like me. Her original reasons that she left me was:

- I don't exercise enough
- I don't watch my cholesterol
- I got depressed while looking for a full time job ( I was working 2 jobs and going to grad school while she worked one 9-5 job), and that I half ass my life. FYI I have an AMZING job now
- She doesn't like my driving....you read that right
- I half ass the dishes
The stupid list goes on. She proclaimed she needs to find herself, that she doesn't know herself....ALL LIES...or at least that's the truth and instead left me for the other "me" from our yoga class ( so I know the guy). I'm having a very hard time coping with this, instead of working on our marriage with me, she left me for well...another me. I now see her as a narcissistic (constantly judging, nothing was ever good enough, I couldn't buy a $5 coffee without getting yelled out) and that she did nothing wrong in the relationship and it was ALL me. She never talked about why she was upset until afterwards, she never wanted to fight, and she didn't believe in conflict. I really just don't know how to cope with this.I love her even though she wasn't good for me but I just can't get over the fact that she left me for another guy less than 1 month after she moved out. She just kept proclaiming she wanted to be single, that even though she loves me, it's not enough.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Do you have a question?


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## davis1056 (Dec 4, 2015)

Yes.....How do I move on and accept this twisted reality


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

You mean how do you accept that people lie????

EVERYONE lies. That is reality. 

She supported you through school and now you have a great job. Just say thanks and move on. 

There are GOOD women out there. Thousands of them. Find one.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Do you have self confidence issues? Screw this woman. Who cares if she was your wife, it's time to move on. There are so many desirable single woman out there, you need to think of it as a great challenge that will be very rewarding! Just think of all of the amazing sex and adventures that await you. 

It sounds like she checked out a long time ago. I'm guessing your marriage was crappy for a while? I separated and got into a serious relationship 2 months after separating. A few months out from being divorced. Why? Because I moved on years ago, not having sex for 5 years with my wife while we stayed together just for the kids/money. I was ready for someone to think I was #1 and wanted to ride my d!ck everyday.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I believe it is difficult for the average woman to truly respect a man she is supporting. I'm betting the other "you" has a decent job. Since she jumped from you to another man she obviously didn't want to be single. Confidence is sexy. Success, to a woman, is sexy. Depression and dependency are not. She might give you a thousand different reasons but very few women want to man for a dependent. She judged you and yelled at you over coffee because she did not respect you. There is no love without respect and there is very little in the way of sexual attraction without respect. I bet she lined this dude up and had him in her collar before she left you.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

davis1056 said:


> I just can't get over the fact that she left me for another guy less than 1 month after she moved out.


She was seeing this guy before she moved out. You just didn't find out about it until a month later.

Do the 180 and detach. She's remorseless and not worth having back even if she wanted to make it work. Which she clearly doesn't.

Aggressively pursue divorce and start fixing yourself. Worry about you because no one else will. Especially her.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

If you REALLY think she's a narcissist, read up on them. You will break free of loving the facade she allowed you to see because you'll realize that wasn't the real her.


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## davis1056 (Dec 4, 2015)

He has a god job sure, but after she left me, I got an amazing job and actually make more money then him . Karma is a *****. I'm just pissed that she left for someone who "in my mind" is downgrade. I know I make more money because he is a govt employee and is available online.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

davis1056 said:


> He has a god job sure, but after she left me, I got an amazing job and actually make more money then him . Karma is a *****. I'm just pissed that she left for someone who "in my mind" is downgrade. I know I make more money because he is a govt employee and is available online.


Start not caring about him...he was never even your problem. Then....move on to not caring about her. 

she's his problem now


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## davis1056 (Dec 4, 2015)

And yes I agree about the sexy thing, but I would think that she could put up for 4 months while I was looking for a job. It clearly worked out for me in the end. It's about sticking with each other through the tough times. It's not like I got a ****ty degree. I work as a software engineering for a biomemedical company now and am extremely successful and confident, it was just touch and go for a little bit. She never had to deal with that before because she came from a rich family....God forbid she suffers for just a little bit to reap the rewards later. All her jobs were basically given to her and she has no drive to have a career. I at least made the conscious decision to go back to school to do what I l love and had a very clear focus on what I wanted to do. SO yes, I got upset when I couldn't accomplish my dream, but I am now


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

at some point in her relationship with OM, she will probably need to 'find herself' again.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

davis1056 said:


> Yes.....How do I move on and accept this twisted reality


Because it's happening and there's nothing you can do about it. 

All you can ever do is grow from what's happening and make the best of it. 

So what's that going to be?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

If your makin good money, get divorce finalized, work hard, exercise hard, go out & buy some nice new clothes.

I'm sure you can find someone who would love to ride you, I mean, ride along with you to a nice beach vacation, etc.

She wasn't happy, and that is not your problem, because you can't MAKE someone happy. She had to find it within herself. I'd make a bet that she dumps new guy within a year or two.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

You are very lucky to be rid of such a woman.

In a year or two you won't be able to believe how lucky!


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## davis1056 (Dec 4, 2015)

Thank you everyone, 

I also forgot to mention I was trying to get a job in her hometown ( and give up my current life) so that she could be closer to her family (which she wanted) and was traveling up there every weekend for 8 hr interviews. I was willing to sacrifice everything to get any job and make her happy, in the mean time she was talking to MY friends about leaving me. Additionally, she brought up conversations that we had years that I can't remember that upset her, and those are other reasons why she left. I'm just upset that I was trying to do so much for us ( she got sick a lot and I took care of her with out even blinking an eye), and yes I was upset about the job hunting thing, but I NEVER neglected her or treated her poorly. Sure, I could have done things better, but I feel like in marriage you learn as you go and grow, sometimes you will be disappointed and take hits for the other person, but ultimately you work through it, not jsut leave when things get a little hard.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

"I spend so much time
Believing all the lies
To keep the dream alive
Now it makes me sad
It makes me mad at truth
For loving what was you

Now I close my eyes
And I wonder why
I don't despise
Now all I can do
Is love what was once
So alive and new
But it's gone from your eyes"

billy idol 'eyes without a face'


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Did she lie about the reasons for leaving or is it that she is caught up in a love affairs and her head is not on straight? I guess I would wonder what caused her to wonder in the first place?

Regardless of what she did or what she said or who she is, you have to now deal with her leaving and that means seeking help for yourself. Finding a way thru this so you learn more about yourself and are not bitter in the end when you finally reach the other side is best for all.


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

davis1056 said:


> Thank you everyone,
> I was willing to sacrifice everything to get any job and make her happy, .


Fix this before you get into another relationship.


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## davis1056 (Dec 4, 2015)

ButtPunch said:


> Fix this before you get into another relationship.


Oooooh yeah, believe me I learned that lesson. I did get help FYI so yes I don't have that philosophy anymore, blech


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## davis1056 (Dec 4, 2015)

I felt like I had to sacrifice everything, because she MADE me believe I was responsible for her happiness, which put me under more stress to get a job.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

davis1056 said:


> Hi,
> 
> I've been separated for 5 months and I have to wait until 6 months to be legally divorced. I just found out that my wife left me for a guy with the SAME name and looks almost exactly like me. Her original reasons that she left me was:
> 
> ...


And this is a bad deal for you why?

Be happy you got ride of her, the next probably won't be a narcissist.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

davis1056 said:


> And yes I agree about the sexy thing, but I would think that she could put up for 4 months while I was looking for a job. It clearly worked out for me in the end. It's about sticking with each other through the tough times. It's not like I got a ****ty degree. I work as a software engineering for a biomemedical company now and am extremely successful and confident, it was just touch and go for a little bit. She never had to deal with that before because she came from a rich family....God forbid she suffers for just a little bit to reap the rewards later. All her jobs were basically given to her and she has no drive to have a career. I at least made the conscious decision to go back to school to do what I l love and had a very clear focus on what I wanted to do. SO yes, I got upset when I couldn't accomplish my dream, but I am now


She is an ass OP, don't worry about it. People go through hard times a good woman can deal with this. An entitled woman can't. There are a lot of entitled people out there today. 

Man hit the gym, get some hobbies. Be smart with your money and you will find a good woman in no time. Biomemedical software engineers make $$$. You get to spend that all on yourself.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

davis1056 said:


> Thank you everyone,
> 
> I also forgot to mention I was trying to get a job in her hometown ( and give up my current life) so that she could be closer to her family (which she wanted) and was traveling up there every weekend for 8 hr interviews. I was willing to sacrifice everything to get any job and make her happy, in the mean time she was talking to MY friends about leaving me. Additionally, she brought up conversations that we had years that I can't remember that upset her, and those are other reasons why she left. I'm just upset that I was trying to do so much for us ( she got sick a lot and I took care of her with out even blinking an eye), and yes I was upset about the job hunting thing, but I NEVER neglected her or treated her poorly. Sure, I could have done things better, but I feel like in marriage you learn as you go and grow, sometimes you will be disappointed and take hits for the other person, but ultimately you work through it, not jsut leave when things get a little hard.


She sounds like a emotional parasite. Be happy you don't have kids with this woman.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

davis1056 said:


> I felt like I had to sacrifice everything, because she MADE me believe I was responsible for her happiness, which put me under more stress to get a job.


Live and learn. Go dark, block everything and make your own life.

Time will fix the rest.


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

OP,
"Keeping her in the lifestyle to which she has become accustomed". You would be well served to continually remind yourself of this thought as you search for a new mate. And remember "lifestyle" is not limited to financial considerations only, it covers all aspects of a persons expectations.

Lastly, being willing to sacrifice everything for another persons happiness is not, in any way, a bad trait IF they feel the same way about you, that is what marriage is. When it is one sided however, that is when it is detrimental. Think of any action movie that you have seen where two combatants are standing back to back confronting an enemy. As long as they are both committed to the other they are strong however, when one of the combatants is concerned only with themselves it becomes impossible for one to protect both. Consider it.


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