# Whats wrong with me?!!!



## misty (Aug 15, 2009)

Im new here so Hi to everyone.

Iv been married for 2 years, together for 4. At the start we were having sex all the time. But now nothing! 
My husband just is not interested whatsoever anymore. I got pregnant last year and unfortunatly we lost our baby at 30 weeks pregnant. I was desperate for a baby and we said we would try again asap which we did and I am now currently 10 weeks pregnant again. I fell pregnant straight away which is good because having sex was causing arguements! 
We have only had sex once since we found out that I am expecting again and its nothing to do with losing the baby or being pregnant because he was fine before! The one time we have done it was because he had had a few drinks, I didnt realise this at the time and I thought maybe he was being normal again, but the next day he said 'everyone dose stupid things when drunk, like jumping of cliffs etc'! wtf I was so upset as it was very romantic sex I though!
Iv asked him so many times why but all he says that sex is boring! 
he thinks the only time its not boring is if id give him oral and go on top everytime and even then id have to beg, which i refuse to do! so to be honest I think it is something more than this.
I don't dare ask why anymore as it end up in a huge arguement. 
I feel so lonely,unloved, and ugly. 
He hates even cuddling me and he kiss me so quick anyone would think I have the plague or something!
I love him very much and I know he loves me to but for some reason dosent want to show it. 
I don't know what to do anymore, I am so worried about being pregnant again and I just feel so unwanted and useless.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

definately more to this, does he feel guilty about the first baby being loss? 

what do family members say? you both need to settle this before the baby comes.

Ask him what he would like in the bedroom besides what you would describe?

alot is possible here, you really need to talk to him and get it all out in the open, maybe get a few drinks in him then talk, maybe there is a deeper meaning to all this.


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## Justawife (Aug 14, 2009)

I dont even want to go thier...good luck...


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

Probably more to it than you think. next time you bring it up, take the mindset of, so what if we argue? we need to talk and we're going to. Just don't give a **** if you're going to fight, because you obviously know it's coming. Get it all out in the open and just maybe, you'll get through it and have some awesome make up sex. Don't start bottling how you feel now because you're afraid of a fight. you'll hurt your marriage far more than help it that way. fighting is normal and every couple has theirs. Its when the fighting stops that I think there are serious problems. it's a sign of apathy.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

tattoomommy said:


> Probably more to it than you think. next time you bring it up, take the mindset of, so what if we argue? we need to talk and we're going to. Just don't give a **** if you're going to fight, because you obviously know it's coming. Get it all out in the open and just maybe, you'll get through it and have some awesome make up sex. Don't start bottling how you feel now because you're afraid of a fight. you'll hurt your marriage far more than help it that way. fighting is normal and every couple has theirs. Its when the fighting stops that I think there are serious problems. it's a sign of apathy.



excellent point


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

A miscarriage can do a number on a man, but they are less likely to show the emotion than a woman is, after the initial grieving phase. You guys HAVE to sit down and have a talk and figure out what exactly is going on. Yes, you MAY fight, but its not the end of the world. Keeping it bottled up and slowly destroying your marriage....THAT is the end of the world.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

I agree with Mommybean... mc can do a number on men (I have had 15 of them, mc's that is). He may not even know it! Losing a pregnancy at any time is hard enough... but 30 weeks you were practically there! He is probably scared out of his mind and his defenses are kicked into overdrive... and he doesnt even know why. GUys like to think practically... it is not practical to acknowledge that he is scared... what a floodgate that would open. Maybe he thinks it was your fault and is blaming you... you cant help that even if its not right. Tell him you are scared out of your mind about this pregnancy, worried that the same thing might happen, but you are trying to enjoy it anyway, and leave it at that, dont analyze it any further. See what he says... he may open up or he may say nothing.


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## Choose2love (Jul 28, 2009)

Wait a second... just caught this in your post. You wanted to have a baby again ASAP... what about him? SOunds like if you were having arguments over having sex at that time... he was definitely scared of getting pregnant again, especially since you had a great sex life before that. That kind of loss is terrifying... there is no control over it, there is no fixing it... 2 things men like to have in bad situations... he is probably feeling totally helpless and instead of telling you he wanted to wait a while... he wanted to give you what you wanted but fought you about sex instead of the real issue.


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## tattoomommy (Aug 14, 2009)

yea you probably should have waited a bit. my friend had two MC's and after the first one her and her H were torn up. They had a child about a year and a half later and then once she turned one, they tried again and had another MC. Now she's pregnant again but they were both really wanting another baby and just hoping she keeps this one. He was a mess about them. I think everyone assumes it's hard on the mom's, but dad's get just as excited and they get so left out during the pregnancy because it's not them carrying the baby. He probably really needed time to grieve and now he's supposed to do that and be excitied and anxious for this pregnancy... that's a lot to handle.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

When did he lose his interest? Before you got pregnant the first time? After you got pregnant but before the miscarriage? The timing matters a LOT. If he lost his desire before the first pregnancy, then I doubt that or the MC has much to do with it. 

If he lost his drive "during" all this stuff then maybe emotional turmoil is causing all this.





misty said:


> Im new here so Hi to everyone.
> 
> Iv been married for 2 years, together for 4. At the start we were having sex all the time. But now nothing!
> My husband just is not interested whatsoever anymore. I got pregnant last year and unfortunatly we lost our baby at 30 weeks pregnant. I was desperate for a baby and we said we would try again asap which we did and I am now currently 10 weeks pregnant again. I fell pregnant straight away which is good because having sex was causing arguements!
> ...


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