# Am i a bad husband or is time to end it?



## malupapo (May 22, 2012)

We have been married 3 years, the first year for any normal couple would have been the end.

There is no love or romance. After constantly hearing her bad mouth me to her friends might after night I was at my wits end. I hid away giving her all the space in the world. We hadent been close or intimate in months.
When a violent phone call over something outside my knowledge or ability to affect disrupted my ability to focus on my work I drove home packed some things and walked out. 

Durning our time apart I supported her fully. While sleeping on the cold tile floor of my ex partner's spare bedroom. I was so angry at her for it all but know everything at that point was my fault now. The next time we meet she was cheery and happy... That is the only time in life I could say I truly hated someone...I have sat and had tea with murderous scum who either where complicit or took an active hand in the deaths of brothers in arms. I never felt rage the way I did looking at her that day. Someone once said to truly hate someone you have to love them that much. Seeing her I knew I loved just that much. With her I was on eggshells even more when I moved back in. Every mistake from dishes to the lawn was a failure on par with losing a nuke warhead.

But i stayed my fear of dissopinting her growing by the day. It got to the point we wouldent speak i would come go to office lock the door and sleep on my couch. Work was my safe haven keeping me out of town often and my mind away from the mess is created. I never had a spine whatever she wanted or seemed to want I obtained within my means. 
I have been shoot at staves nearly blown to bits in the line of duty. Yet my only fears on this earth is losing her or failing her. But emotionallyi lost her long ago. She was my best friend my rock. Now after three years of marriage I feel like tiny tim talking to scruge. No matter how meekly I reply softly I speek I'm treated as ungreatful, evil, or simply ignored.

Yet every time all is lost she speaks of some plan or another for our future or will surprise me a random gift or event. It's rare very rare but its hope... I hate hope. I've hoped for happiness my whole life and let slip away. Al and Peggy Bundy had a better marriage. So many days in years past I hoped my ticket would get punched, she could finally be happy and free of me and rather well off financially as well. Morbid I know buts a running gag in movies u just never actuallyecpect to feel that way.

In the next 2 years I will have the biggest career moves of my life. It will be the most taxing but may come with many rewards. My options will be limited while married to her... Even if I do succeed I will be hollow no achivment has ever been worth her notice and none since we married felt worthwhile with no one to share them.

In the end its all my fault honestly. I've put off thoughts of divorce because I love her and always will, because there's never a right time for such a thing.first it was the kids,then the thought of leaving her indebt,then her education and the setbacks in her future a divorce would cause. I love her but I don't know if that's enough anymore. I have a risky future if make a bad call in my next career path she may very well be better off without me.


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## babyowlsrcute (May 12, 2012)

Get councling if you love her, other career opportunities will come along
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happymrs (May 1, 2012)

The words you wrote sound very much like what my husband could have written for many years of our marriage. What your wife is doing sounds like the same way I treated my husband, and your actions sound like what my husband did in attempts to make me happy. 

Almost two years ago things began to change, not sure what started it, but it started us on a different path. Then within the past year my husband began reading Married Man Sex Life. Some of the things in the book were things he had already begun to do. The book gave him the rest of the pieces and explained why they worked. I guess I responded without realizing what I was responding to. Running MAP(explained in the book) made a big difference in our marriage. 

He's finishing up No More Mr. Nice Guy and says he sees himself in that book as well(that nothing he did was ever good enough, etc.)

The love was there in our marriage, but it was lost somewhere. I did resent my husband, lacked respect for him and didn't even realize it. He didn't know what was up with me. But I can tell you after living for almost twenty-five years in a relationship that sounds very much like what you described, we both now feel like newlyweds. We could have called it quits after the last child graduated, or continued living as friends at best, but we are thankful that we found resources to help us figure it out and we are proactive at keeping the relationship thriving. 

One last resource I've seen suggested several times on here is His Needs, Her Needs. We just got the book and will be going through that next. It may be another resource you look at. 

And I agree with the previous comment, other career opportunities will come along, if you really love her, then concentrate on that. 

Hope it all works out for you.


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