# Needs some advice..



## sunshine49 (Jan 16, 2012)

Hello All,

My husband and I have been together for 2.5 years, we have been married a year now. 
I am on edge, walking on egg shells around him. I think he thought that I could save him, make his problems disappear and the fact that I couldn't made him angry. 
He has lots of addictions, porn, video games, smoking weed. No matter what I have done, nothing has stopped him, he just keeps going, hiding it, lying. So I have dropped it completely now, whats the point?

On our wedding night, he got quite drunk, and he told me he wanted a divorce, he hated me and my family etc. He had no reason to say any of these things, but he did. He pushed me into the ground. The next morning he apologized and said it was the alcohol, he has never threatened to leave since, until xmas eve. He started working away in October and that has been very very difficult on me. He barely makes an effort to make me feel loved, even though I bend over backwards to do whatever I can for him all the time. I never say no or deny him of anything. He can home for Christmas, and yes I admit i was very clingy, because I missed him. on Christmas eve he lost it, he told me he wanted to leave, he hates being married, i ruined his life, etc. I cried and apologized even though I know I have never done anything wrong. He has cheated with his x girlfriend, and I have still stood by his side. I have been there through the lying and the addictions, him choosing video games over me, telling me that I am not enough, through everything I have stayed.

We got through Christmas, and we patched things up pretty quick, but then on boxing day, he got stoned. I told him that I am sorry for ruining his Christmas, and he said don't ever say that, the best Christmases I have ever had have been with you because you put so much thought and love into everything. So I asked him, why did you say that I ruined your life? He said did I actually say that, then he thought about it for a minute and said well because you did. 
I was crushed. I could barely breathe, I started to cry again. Then he said well I don't know, I guess you didn't ruin my life you just changed it. 

Then he left for work again. Things have been good with us, but it is a struggle for me inside. I don't know if I could handle it if he threatened to leave again. I have to walk on egg shells to make sure I do absolutely nothing wrong because If he left I would fall apart. I am terrified to even talk to him about it because I don't want to make him mad. I don't feel safe or confident in our marriage. Now that he is working away it is way harder because I feel like we are growing apart, not together. That scares me so much. He means everything to me and I spend my days terrified that he doesn't love me. 

I am so scared that it is making me depressed. Our sex life doesn't suffer at all when we are together but mentally I am drained. 

Any advice would help.. 

Thank you in advance for your help


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your husand has a lot of bad habits, he verbally/mentally abuses you. He ignores you.

But you would be devistated if he left? I would think that you would find peace and tranquility if he left.


Seriously, you need to stop being so needy. Start taking care of yourself. What are the things that you like to do? Do them. Get busy. He will treat you better and be more likely to continue to love you if you stopped the victim thing.

Be the best you can be. Then is a man mistreats you, leave him. Do not wait for him to leave.. you leave. There are a lot of good men out there. You took on a rehab project, not a husband.

Sorry if that seems harsh but it does seem so.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

_*On our wedding night, he got quite drunk, and he told me he wanted a divorce, he hated me and my family etc. He had no reason to say any of these things, but he did. He pushed me into the ground. The next morning he apologized and said it was the alcohol, 

He has cheated with his x girlfriend, and I have still stood by his side. I have been there through the lying and the addictions*_

Get a divorce. Why are you with this guy? You're not happy. And he has a lot of issues.


----------



## readyforbaby76 (Jan 13, 2012)

I agree with Jellybeans.
Have you considered going to counseling yourself? i think it might help you. The fact that he treats you SO badly and you are afraid he will leave you is NOT good.
I think you may need some help yourself which is why i suggest counseling. If he treats you bad, you should not want to be with him............but instead you are afraid he'll leave?
does not make sense. You need to LOVE YOURSELF before you can love anyone else.


----------



## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Which problem do you want addressed. You are a classic codependent enabler of an addict. Do you want to fix the addict, the codependency, your own enabling issues or some or all of those?


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Here's what I was thinking this morning.
When adventurers go mountaineering or exploring, and get into scrapes and then get themselves out of scrapes, they then tell about their little escapades including their mistakes and the other adventurers slap them on the back and say, wow, what an adventure, did you sh*t your pants or what? They admire the other adventurers for keeping their stuff together enough to make it back and tell the tale.

People need to embrace this type of culture and philosophy when they take risks and get into scrapes with relationships too. There's no shame in returning in one piece from a dead end.


----------

