# Am i considered a sex addict



## randy mckay (Apr 10, 2009)

47 married for 15 yrs -sex with spouse twice a week (which is not enough)Are there any other men on this forum in their 40s who constantly think about sex-and masturbate everyday? Is this healthy?


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Randy,

Sex Addiction is actually a clinical term and I doubt you'll get a diagnosis here. I'm no expert but I think there are a lot of behaviors beyond just have great desire that go along with actually being an "addict". I'm sure a search will pull up tons of info on it. As for just being a sexual machine, I think some people are just wired that way. Nature or nurture I'm not sure, but some people just seem to be especially sensual people. Like you, I could have sex everyday, sometimes several times a day, and feel like that was fine. I think its one of the best things in life. Why wouldn't I want to have this experience with the person I love as often as possible....... With a couple who we are friends of ours it's the opposite. The wife is the one who cant get enough. The problem for those like us is that during the infatuation stage of a relationship everything seems great. You're both likely to be in tune with a great desire for sex. When one person's desire falls off the other is left feeling like they've bought a lemon. They did 100 mph before but now that you're bound to them they will only do 50 mph (if you're lucky). 

Another aspect to this is affection and emotional support. Many people who are not getting enough affection will try to fill the void with sex. They are not getting a soulful connection through normal activities so they try to get it with sexual contact. I think most people don't realize that this is what's really going on. I also think that most often it does not achieve the soulful connection and ends up leaving you even more depressed.


----------



## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

NO you are a typical male. I am 39 I still think about sex with my wife daily, I usually either have sex with her or if she is not int he mood I will take care of business myself. Same goes for her, she was horny as could be, I had to leave for work, she took care of herself.

Perfectly normal, you just have a higher libido then most.

That is all.


----------



## Unit4 (Mar 15, 2009)

randy mckay said:


> 47 married for 15 yrs -sex with spouse twice a week (which is not enough)Are there any other men on this forum in their 40s who constantly think about sex-and masturbate everyday? Is this healthy?


I'm 40s and envy your spouses will to go twice a week. Sex addiction, to me, centers more on addiction than sex. If the behaviour is something you want to stop and can't despite consequences, that's your first clue. Personally, masterbating once a day, every day, I would have intimacy and communication problems with spouse and coworkers. But that's just me. 

I've come to realize the damage my own propensity to fantisize has caused. Not because fantasy is bad, but because of what a truely high amount of it can displace. If you are all consumed by it and not performing at your job, or forgetting about important family stuff, then I might argue it is a problem.


----------



## justean (May 28, 2008)

i personally dont think twice a week is enough for a high libido person. i have a high libido and 3 times a day, sometimes wouldnt surfice. you sound very normal in this respect. i recently did an all nighter and was still asking for it after a morning session. pity some nights have to end.


----------



## Jooky (Apr 17, 2009)

I don't think your frequency is too much at all. I'm the same way. I'm 35 and I masturbate daily and participate in any form of sex with my wife, whenever she's willing, which unfortunately averages 1-2 times per week. Like Shoto states, she went 100 miles per hour before we were married. She gets more into the "extreme" sex now, light bondage and what-not, but it is less frequently.

But, then again, there were many things I also did before we were married that I could and should probably start doing again, and I will, if she comes back; she's been gone a week.

Back to your point: I think there is no such thing as too much sex. It is great for pain/stress control. And it feels good. Damn good. However, one of my concerns is with the health of my prostate; if my frequent "exercising" is wearing it out or making it grow too big.

Any ideas on that one?


----------



## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

Jooky,

Rest assured that the high frequency of sex, release etc. has nothing to do with your prostate health. You may find some info that suggests not having enough frequency may be an issue but I think that is debatable.


----------



## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

Don't let ANYONE tell you that you are a bad person just because you have a high sex drive.


----------



## SadDad (Feb 14, 2009)

Wish I had your problem...going on 3+ years w/o sex with my wife. If it weren't for masterbation, I would think it would just fall off!


----------



## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

Sexual addicition includes spending an inordinate amount of money on magazines, movies, prostitues...having multiple affairs, losing jobs, friends, relationships, etc. You are constantly seeking out sex in some form or another whether viewing porn at work or buying magazines and masturbating in your car at lunch.

You are not a sex addict, you have a high libido which is far from an addiction. Most men when they hit their mid to late 40s see a decrease, not all do though.

I'm 40 and my wife and I have sex 4+ times a week, hmmm, that might be why she got pregnant...but I digress...a happy, healthly sex life can extend well into your later years, 60-70 and beyond.

Your biggest concern is not frequency but variety...think back to all the things you and your wife haven't done that maybe wanted to do and start exploring each other all over again...

Blessed Be,
Preacher


----------



## Dave (Jan 11, 2009)

it definitely doesn't sound like you're an addict. as long as your urges aren't causing you any problems, then why worry? 

I'm a bit younger (late 30's) and have been with my wife since I was 19. I still think about sex constantly, and need a "release" at least once a day either with her or alone. 

my problem, and I'd love to hear others advice/opinions about this, is that I spend about half of my fantasy time thinking about sex in general, and the other half thinking about sex with just about any woman other than my wife. every hot young girl that walks by turns my head and sets off a fantasy. 

I've been faithful thus far, but frankly am a little worried that this urge will get the better of me eventually. I *really* want to do right by my wife and family, but it's getting harder to imagine going the rest of my life without touching another woman. porn helps some, but of course it's just not enough. I've thought about seeing a prostitute with the hope of getting the urge "out of my system" but this might not be a good idea for a variety of reasons. 

anyone else feel this way? got any good coping strategies you can share?


----------



## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Dave-

How about doing a bit of role-play with your wife. That way you can both pretend to be many different people. Role play need not involve any props, it can be very subtle. For instance I sometime pretend to be my wife's 25 y/o toy-boy, and I whisper in her ear during sex things like: "Does your husband know you behave like this?". With her just a sentence or a word is enough to create a mood.


----------

