# New here and found out the wife cheated on me....



## Dluxe

She as been having a long distance affair since last July. A little history.

We have been happily married since 1998. We have 3 grown children and we have 2 teenagers still at home. Her family was living in another state the whole time I've known her and we'd visit at least twice a year. Her dad passed back in 2004 and her mom has become more dependent on my sister-in-law who lives with her. The last few years I told my wife she should be spending more time up there. She hasn't worked since 2000 as I have a good job.

This past summer she took the kids and the spent a month up there. She did mention that she had seen an old friend (her very first boyfriend, they share the same birthday) and being as she was there during her birthday he came over and celebrated with the family. At the time she said she was sure he was gay. I thought nothing of it as she had my complete trust.

She got home in late July and a few days later told me that she wanted to go see a speaker who was going to be in a major city in the same state as her mother in October. I said I could take a week off work and be with the kids (they are home schooled) and she could drive up and spend the week with her mom, go to the event on Friday, spend the night in a very nice hotel and come home Saturday. She was fine with that. 

During this time her and her "friend" were communicating because he was going back to take some college courses and had asked her for help. She was happy to do it and I thought nothing of it. October came and when she got to the big city to see the even she'd gotten their late and it was full so I told her to spend the night Friday and go Saturday and she could come home on Sunday. That is what happened.

She found out a few weeks ago that her mom was having chest pains and she was admitted to the hospital but it was nothing major so she went home. I told her I'd take another week and she could go and be with her mom. A few days before I got a strange text on my phone. She had been texting back and forth with him for some time. I failed to see all of the warning signs because, again, I trusted her. She said she had mistakenly sent it to me instead of one of her girlfriends. It did not make sense but I started to have suspicions. Two nights before she left and before we went to bed I asked her if I could ask a question and if she could be honest. She agreed.

I asked, "are you going up there to be with somebody?" She shook her head no. I then asked "are you going up there because you want to be with somebody?" She immediately started crying and said yes but she didn't know why. She said that they had kissed back in July and that was it.

Later the next day I was so angry that I started asking more questions and then found out she had cheated in July and in October. But yet she still left the next day to visit her mom. While she was on the road I found out a secret email account that she had created. Just by searching for the mans name I found out she had sent him an E-card for Christmas and it had an email address I never had heard of. So I went to the email site and typed in one of our many shared passwords and that was when my world fell apart.

I found out they had planned to do the whole October trip and I paid for her to get laid for 2 nights in a nice hotel. I also read a whole lot of back and forth conversations they were having. I lost control. I called her and made her upset while she was driving. I told her to call me when she got to her mother's house. She was 20 minutes away when I received her text that she was near her moms house. But then nothing. I calld her moms home 30 minutes later but she was not there. 

I was livid. She had gone to see the lover before seeing her mom and didn't get to her moms house for over 2 hours. She told me they were just talking, but then yesterday admitted they had sex. It is just one lie and cover up after another. I told her she could keep him and I'll be fine with the kids. I had custody of my (then) 12 year old when my first divorce went through in 1996 so I can do it. She claims she doesn't want him and doesn't know what happened. She also blamed me for not paying her enough attention. I work a lot of hours it is true, 6 days a week most weeks, but we live comfortably. 

Just today she told me she did not want to see him again and she was going to come home as soon as the roads cleared. They have had a lot of ice and snow since she got their last Friday. I called this evening to ask a question about some long pants for my son as I could not locate any only to be told by her mom that she had gone to dinner with some friends. When I asked to speak to her sister she told me that was not true. She had gone to "dinner" with the lover. I just don't know what to do. 

I have run the entire gamut of emotions since last Friday. I have yelled, cried, been depressed, and feel horrible about myself. Her family is livid with her as well but she just can't stop. We are both 52 and the lover is 55. I'm sorry for all of my rambling but I am out of ideas. Our kids will be devastated if we separate. They are great kids and love the both of us. But I think they, like me, never thought this could ever happen. But it did and now I'm hoping to get some advice.

Ideally I'd like to gain custody of the kids but with my job they would have to go to a regular school. No more home schooling. Would it be safe to leave a 14 and 16 year old home alone for several hours? I only work 2.5 miles away. I'm very close to home. The wife says she doesn't want him but I received an email from the lover (not sure how he got that!) that said it was up to my wife who she wanted to be with and not him nor me. My wife told me (seriously) that she wanted the both of us! But the lies continue even after I told her we had to be truthful. And she gets really upset when I catch her in a lie. Thanks for listening and let me know if I made any sense. I've been cleaning house trying take my mind off of it but it has been a rough few days.

BTW, my 14 year old knows nothing but the 16 year old knows something is wrong. I've been hiding my emotions from the pretty well.


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## Dluxe

She also deleted her secret email account and changed all of her passwords. I posted some stuff from my FB account to hers and she assumed (wrongly) that I'd gotten into her account. Was mad at me for airing "our dirty laundry in public." That was a good one. I did take down the comments and photo of her lover I put up on there. BTW, they have been FB friends since July.


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## sandc

First of all, I'm sorry you're here. 

You need time to think about what you want to do. You should call her and tell her not to come home for a few weeks. She might screw the other guy some more? Yeah, she might. Personally I'd tell her to expect D (divorce) papers as soon as you can get them ready. Even if you don't want a D you can still file and change your mind later and drop the D if you want.

There are a lot of next steps you can do but first of all you you need to tell her to stay away, she's not welcome at home any longer. This will give you time to think about what you want. After you inform her of this, go dark. Do not answer phone calls, text messages, or emails.

You've basically got two choices, D or R (reconcile). R is a long hard road with a lot of pain and setbacks but many who do R say it is worth. Many who D say it is worth it and end up much happier than they were before.

Your W is experiencing what we call the fog. She's hopped up on what she thinks is forbidden love, star-crossed lovers prevented by fate from being together. It's all rainbows and unicorn sh!t. She needs to be snapped out of her fog. This may take time and will definitely involve her seeing what she has to lose. IE. you, full time custody of your kids, her comfortable lifestyle, etc. Please note that she WILL lie to you in the coming days, over and over again. She will do what's called trickle truthing. Only telling you the parts that she "thinks" you can handle. That will be her excuse. But it will really mean that she doesn't want to look bad.

If you want to blow the PA (physical affair) up you can try exposing to her friends and family. Affairs thrive in secrecy. Once you shine the cold light of day on them they die. This also helps to snap them out of the fog. If you can get a message to OM (the other man) call him up and tell him she's his problem now. He will most likely dump her. He just wants easy sex, he doesn't want her and all her sh!t thrown in his lap.

That's a lot to digest and many more folks will throw suggestions at you. Ask lots of questions and feel free to vent all you want. That's why we're here.


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## movin on

If she don't work cut off her money supply. Let her boyfriend support her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## illwill

My view is not always agreed upon. Once the affair was revealed and she continued, her chioce was made. She is choosing him, by not choosing you.

I dont believe in the affair fog, which you will soon hear about here.

I also do not believe in giving any cheater a second chance if they dont end the affair and lies on dday.

But, if u want to reconcile you need to file. It shows strength because you are taking the choice away from her. 

If the om has a partner you need to expose no matter what.

Try to eat and get your sleep. And keep posting here.

And either way you need to see a lawyer to understand your rights. And maybe a std test.


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## Dluxe

I do know the OM wants her exclusively. And she is saying (to me) that she doesn't want him. One of their email conversations had them planning something in 2 years time. I should probably send him an itemized bill for the October expenses! I think I'll call my lawyer tomorrow and file. I don't thing R is possible at this very minute. But maybe the threat of D will snap her out of this fog.


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## tom67

Dluxe said:


> I do know the OM wants her exclusively. And she is saying (to me) that she doesn't want him. One of their email conversations had them planning something in 2 years time. I should probably send him an itemized bill for the October expenses! I think I'll call my lawyer tomorrow and file. I don't thing R is possible at this very minute. But maybe the threat of D will snap her out of this fog.


That's the best way to go.
Stay frosty and focused my man.


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## tom67

Why don't you out the posom at his work place and family.


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## Dluxe

OM has no partner. Claims to have not had sex in many years before this past July. I looked up his Google + page and found his youtube account linked to it. He had 3 different Miley Cyrus pages liked (which he has since taken down since I revealed that to my W. Makes me worried that much more about him being anywhere near my children. My 16 year old daughter does not like him at all.


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## illwill

dluxe said:


> om has no partner. Claims to have not had sex in many years before this past july. I looked up his google + page and found his youtube account linked to it. He had 3 different miley cyrus pages liked (which he has since taken down since i revealed that to my w. Makes me worried that much more about him being anywhere near my children. My 16 year old daughter does not like him at all.


f.i.l.e.


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## Dluxe

That email he sent me was threatening to sue me for harassment if I didn't stop the online digging. It is just public stuff that I found by typing his name into Google.


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## Dluxe

illwill said:


> f.i.l.e.


Will do tomorrow. Thanks for all the replies. It makes me feel less alone.


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## DeterminedToThrive

When reality hits a cheater square in the face with the consequences of their behavior, ie. no money, no home, lost custody, no husband ... it often begins to lift the affair fog they're in. They soon realize what they "think" they have with AP isn't real and what they're loosing IS the only thing that's real.

I suggest the book "Not Just Friends", copies for both of you, read and work it together. It helped my WH and I a lot.

I'm sorry you're in this position. 

Brace yourself, it's a Long, Bumpy ride and none of it is fun.


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## Dluxe

tom67 said:


> Why don't you out the posom at his work place and family.


He lives with his mom and is on disability! A real winner!


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## illwill

Dluxe said:


> That email he sent me was threatening to sue me for harassment if I didn't stop the online digging. It is just public stuff that I found by typing his name into Google.


Coward aint gonna do a damn thing. Call his bluff. And if he is worried about exposure, then expose to everyone he knows. Even his third grade teacher.

Screw him.


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## larry.gray

Dluxe said:


> The wife says she doesn't want him but I received an email from the lover (not sure how he got that!) that said it was up to my wife who she wanted to be with and not him nor me. My wife told me (seriously) that she wanted the both of us!


No, it isn't only up to her. Don't give her that choice! You already said he can have her. Let him.


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## tainted

Cancel all the credit cards your wife has and see a lawyer first thing tomorrow morning.

Expose the both of them to everyone.


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## manticore

your best weapon right now is exposure, that always gives the WS a punch of reality, when she/he notices how people around them began to react she will begin to wake up from her fantasy.

write a mail of exposure to family and friends, expose the whole affair but without being graphic or offensive just the facts (you can also add that because of that you a filing divorce), tell the truth to your kids, no need to hold it anymore, is better if they find by you in a controlled environment that if they find for family, friends or if on their own find evidence.

if your oldest already suspect something, at this point knowing half truth is more damaging than knowing the whole truth. I was your oldest age when I began to suspect of my father's affair and imagining and assuming is maybe worst than actually already knowing the truth, at least the truth you can confront it, (as I did with my father once that his affair was confirmed) and it made me feel less stressed.


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## Dyokemm

"That email he sent me was threatening to sue me for harassment if I didn't stop the online digging. It is just public stuff that I found by typing his name into Google."

Send a reply back.

Tell him to go F himself and you will be consulting an attorney to file an alienation of affection lawsuit against his scummy a**.

File for D from your worthless, disloyal W.

Expose the A to everyone.

If your WW doesn't like being publicly labeled as a crappy cheater, she should have kept her legs closed and lived up to her vows.

And make sure when you expose to inform everyone about how she and the POS duped you into footing the bill for their October tryst.


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## manticore

Also, in the exposure mail I will go as far as telling the part where you found that he had pages linked to teeneger idols pages and you are worried about your own teeneger being around him


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## Dluxe

manticore said:


> Also, in the exposure mail I will go as far as telling the part where you found that he had pages linked to teeneger idols pages and you are worried about your own teeneger being around him


Not only that but on his favorite videos he has no less than 5 videos regarding the Amber Cole viral video. I told my W this and no explanation thus far. He has not removed them from his youtube account either. The guy is sick.


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## illwill

Check the local police station and see what his deal is. 

Seriously.


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## Dluxe

I did a check of the state's sex offender registry but had no hits on him.


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## TheFlood117

Wow. Talk about bottom of the barrel stuff. Wife cheats on you with some 55 year old who lives with mommy and hasn't gotten laid in years.... 

Dafuq!!!

Expose the affair to everyone far and wide. Then file for divorce. Really, your youngest in 14. In 4 years you won't even have to pay child support. Now, you wife is one of those " I can't work cause I have kids" type of gals, so the alimony might be a bit much for a year or 2. But I still say divorce her, in the end you really can't put a price on ridding your life of cheating toxic ho's. 

Just my 2 cents tho. Best of luck. 

And just remember, her affair is not your fault. Never. Workout, disconnect and be a good dad. 

But you need to expose AND file.


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## LongWalk

Dluxe,

Sorry for your pain.
You will get good advice here.

Your wife is in love with another man. But sadly for her he may not be such a catch. She may not be either. Maybe they are two beautiful souls who had to hook up on earth. Regardless, you are in a strong position to shut this down. And you should do just that.

As another posters suggested, cut off your wife's credit cards if you can. Remove her access to bank accounts. If that cannot be done, deposit all your pay in new account. Transfer all your savings away. She has a right to half your communal property in divorce, so to get her hands on it, she'll have to go to court. And that'll be no problem because you are going to file for divorce.

To save money you can get standard divorce forms and just tell her to start filling them out so that you can go to mediation. If she balks, tell her you will get a lawyer to serve her.

If she says she doesn't want divorce, she must turnover all her passwords. Furthermore, she must send an NC letter to OM immeditately and in your presence. The letter must say, nothing nice about the affair. No, I love you but goodbye, just it's over, do not contact me anymore.

You are dumping your wife. That will shock her. She needs a major shock so that she can choose between two flavors of pain. She must lose one of you. The sharper the chop of the ax, the more likely she is to regain genuine feeling for you.

She is just a woman who let her instincts lead her astray. Whether you will want her back is up to you. If she chooses him, good riddance. Your children are not going to dig this.

Your marriage will never be the same. If you do take her back, she is going to have work hard to make you happy. You sound like a smart guy. You are going to execute what has to be done.

Remember give her no comfort over her grief.


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## manticore

the exposure mail have to be redacted business's like type, informative and assertive, no vindictive or recriminative.

but is necessary to take actions as fast as possible, if you are waiting for her to return for her trip and see if she finally will come out of her fantasy on her own, that is not gonna happen, read other threads here where many BS that waited with the hope of their wives returning on her own, regret it in the end, some even find the affair when it was just EA and for not exposing it on time it became PA (like "devastateddad")


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## WayUpNorth

Dluxe said:


> He lives with his mom and is on disability! A real winner!


Haha. sounds like the posom my x ended up with. He is also her cousin LOL. He was living with his parent too, at 60 years old. She was banging his old, fat ass every time she went down to visit her family. He always though of himself as quite the 'ladies man'. Well, the x fell for it, and now they have each other. I love hearing her complaints about him now.


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## Dluxe

I should visit my doctor soon. They didn't use protection.


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## warlock07

She gets caught and yet she goes visits him a few minutes later and has sex with him ?

Disgusting!!!

Dluxe, It does come off that you were enabling her for far too long. Your kids are old enough to take the news. Don't lie for her. Let her face her kids for her actions. If they are disgusted, it is her own fault. You wife is mistaking your kindness as incompetence. Time to prove her wrong.

At this point, you should consider your marriage to be over. either she is very planned about this(deleting the social accounts etc) or the OM is coaching her over this. 

The OM is a disgusting piece of sh!t. No surprise. A real winner she picked out. It is likely you wife is also funding his lifestyle. Why would you want to be back with a woman who would spend your money to stay in a hotel with her love ?


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## warlock07

Also, save as much evidence as you can. I hope you forwarded all her chats to your account.


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## illwill

Dluxe said:


> I should visit my doctor soon. They didn't use protection.


They never do.


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## illwill

Research cheaterville for the POSOM. Dont put your wife up. You have kids.


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## rrrbbbttt

Your wife has already started the "Blame Shifting" "You worked too much, did not spend enough time with her" BS.

She is 100% responsible for the affair.

What does it tell you when you caught her she went to the OM and had sex with him. Did not come home, did not try to "R", she had no remorse.

As others have stated EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE.

Cut off all financial support except for maintaining the house and the children.

Get tested for STDs

Do the 180

She is gone now so you need to go forward as such.

File for D, if you R, which is YOUR CHOICE, 

Post the POS on Cheaterville.

The entitled lack of empathy from your wife, when you discovered her she went to the POS and had sex, is a true sign that she is far gone.


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## brokeneric

Your wife will string you along as far as possible. Cut her off now- financially, emotionally. Expose and file for D.


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## Fenix

Dluxe, I am sorry that you are going through this. You sound like a really good guy.  Ok, now I have some advice and some cautions that are a bit different than most here. I am a BS who recently discovered her stbx was a serial cheater. I am guessing it started about a decade ago, but that could be generous. I also have a 14 and a 16 year old.

First, you need to decide what you want to do. Do that before doing any of the draconian measures that will affect your kids. *The kids are first. Remember that. Kids are first.* Personally, I don't believe in R in 95% of the cases.

If you decide to D, talk to the kids with your posw. Make her accept the responsibility. Life will be much easier for you going forward if you have their support.

Act in a reasonable manner---one in which you can sleep at night with a clear conscience. This means reasonable support for her while the D is going on. You have a long history and you have children, who will be watching you to see how you act. Remember to model the behavior that you would wish for them. Be strong, and respect yourself. I agree with the cutting her off emotionally. She is not worth your pain. But, yeah, it still hurts. Surround yourself with supportive friends and family. Lean on them when you need to. Take control, make a plan and execute it.

Get a good lawyer. Start looking at schools and enroll your kids for next year. Get tested for STDs asap. I got a nasty surprise on that one..at least it wasn't one of the permanent ones.

Work on yourself. This is not your fault. Go into IC. She chose her path and nothing in the marriage made her do that. She chose a life of lies and betrayal. Not you. Make that your mantra. If you choose D, the only ones who count are YOU and your children. Don't waste a moment on her. When you find yourself spiraling down (and you will), redirect your thoughts. If that doesn't work, go for a hard run, or work out. Triple benefit of releasing the endorphins, great problem solving and getting fit (ie looking hot, my dear!). Someone posted on a recent thread about discovering just how many people are out there that outclass your posw in so many ways. Trust me...that is true. I am 9 months into the process and having a blast dating. Tap into excitement for your future...You deserve better.

If you choose R, well, I can't help you with that.  I will leave it to the guys here.


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## Hicks

She will be cake eating as long as you let her.
She will say anything to keep you in the marriage.
Why? It's easier for her to keep her lover on the side and the family intact. Please, follow the advice given and cut off her acccess to funds while pursuing divorce. I would also expose to the children and everyone else. That would really put a knife into her selfish plan to cake eat.


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## sandc

And remember, go dark on her after you come up with your course of action.


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## F-102

Next time you talk to her, tell her to not bother coming home and to stay there with her mother. Tell her you are sending all of her stuff to her mother's house, that you are talking to a D lawyer and are seeing about getting FULL custody of the kids due to his propensity for pedophilia.

Tell her she has made her choice, and that you are going along with it, and that if she wants Mr. Wonderful, that HE can support her now, as he wants her, too, and that you are now cutting her off financially.

Then expose to EVERYONE: her family, your family, all of her friends.

Let's see how much she wants the POSOM then.


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## sandc

Dluxe said:


> I do know the OM wants her exclusively. And she is saying (to me) that she doesn't want him. One of their email conversations had them planning something in 2 years time. I should probably send him an itemized bill for the October expenses! I think I'll call my lawyer tomorrow and file. I don't thing R is possible at this very minute. But maybe the threat of D will snap her out of this fog.


Send your wife and POSOM an email. Tell her not to come home, and tell him she's his problem now. 

I agree with the exposure. Let both their families know what's going on. Let your friends know what's going on. Post POSOM on cheaterville. Doesn't sound like he has many job prospects but every time someone Googles his name guess what comes up?

And yeah, cut off her finances. She's wanting to cake eat right now. Do not force her to choose between the two of you. You decide if you want her back or not. Let her know that you are debating this. She is NOT to come home until you figure that out.


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## Fenix

sandc said:


> Send your wife and POSOM an email.
> And yeah, cut off her finances. She's wanting to cake eat right now. Do not force her to choose between the two of you. You decide if you want her back or not.


No on the total cut off of finances. You are going to give her an emotional and legal weapon with that. Think smart and think long term.

I agree on the choice. It is yours and yours alone. Take back your power.


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## cool12

sorry you are here.
i can't believe your WW continued to go see him after breaking down in front of you after her first confession. she's really in deep.

the near future will be difficult, a roller coaster of emotions for sure. take care of yourself and ask for as much as you need here and from your friends and family.


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## illwill

Cut off the cash! She needs to learn what her new life will be like.

And when you do, do not let her back in.


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## Dluxe

I think total cutoff would not be good especially since she is 700 miles from home. But I am calling a D lawyer this morning to get the process started. I admit that she had done this same thing (several times) with her previous marriage. (with different OM's) I always thought that during that time it was due to the poor relationship which they had. It was not a good marriage.

I did read an email exchange with the both of them where she had stated that never in a million years did she ever dream she'd do this to me. She also said she did not know what the OM did, said, etc. to cause it, but until they got caught she was going to do whatever the f**k she wanted.

I probably should have saved more of those email exchanges but as I said she deleted the account completely. I'll ask for saved passwords if we talk today and see where that goes. If it doesn't go well I'll tell her I'm going to file for D because I see no other way out of this.

She is still thinking she can come home and everything will magically be fine or can be made that way. That is until the next time she has to drive up there to visit her Mom. She has even suggested Polyamory to me although I'm fairly certain that the OM would never think of it. He is a devout Baptist and told her (during one of our many heated conversations these past few days) that even though he has sinned he has been saved so he will still get to heaven. You can't make up this stuff!

Yes, it is going to be hard on the kids. My older daughter was 11 when I separated from my first wife all those years back and we managed to be fine for the 2 1/2 years until I met me W and we moved both of our families together in one big home. Back then my divorce lawyer said my daughter could choose who she wanted to be with so that is why I retained custody. BTW, my first W also cheated......It is amazing that the feeling I had back then, and never wished to feel again, is back! I have to admit my heart is still aching after this one. But reading all of your replies (and other threads) have been a great help to me.


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## workindad

She has zero remorse. R is not an option at this point. 

See your doctor
See your lawyer. 
Do a hard 180 for yourself. 
Protect your assets. 

Be firm do not procrastinate. Anything else will be seen as weakness

Also she says you worked to much or whatever. I am sure that she didn't meet your every need and desire yet you didn't go have unprotected sex with some loser and put her health at risk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dluxe

cool12 said:


> sorry you are here.
> i can't believe your WW continued to go see him after breaking down in front of you after her first confession. she's really in deep.
> 
> the near future will be difficult, a roller coaster of emotions for sure. take care of yourself and ask for as much as you need here and from your friends and family.



It sure has been a roller coaster. That initial confession was to just kissing. The next day it had evolved into "2 times" and then the following night she said the were just "talking" in his vehicle and she'd left the phone in her purse in our vehicle. (when she got to the town where her mother lives) 4 days later she admitted she'd slept with him that night. Then there was last night's "dinner." I feel badly for her mother. She was really looking forward to spending time with her daughter only to see that she has been spending any chance she gets with OM.


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## workindad

Om can't be that devout. Don't fool yourself into believing he is anything other than a posom.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc

Dluxe said:


> I think total cutoff would not be good especially since she is 700 miles from home. But I am calling a D lawyer this morning to get the process started. I admit that she had done this same thing (several times) with her previous marriage. (with different OM's) I always thought that during that time it was due to the poor relationship which they had. It was not a good marriage.


Okay bud, you married a serial cheater. She's got to go. I don't think there is any salvaging this. I wouldn't anyway if I were you.



Dluxe said:


> She has even suggested Polyamory to me although I'm fairly certain that the OM would never think of it.


This is cake eating bullsh!t. Just proves she's not thinking clearly.




Dluxe said:


> He is a devout Baptist and told her (during one of our many heated conversations these past few days) that even though he has sinned he has been saved so he will still get to heaven. You can't make up this stuff!


I think POSOM has a big surprise waiting for him in the great beyond. God's grace and Christ's atonement for our sins is NOT a license to go out and commit more sins. Them's Sunday School basics. He's just trying to justify his bad behavior. Find out what church he goes to and expose to his pastor too.


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## kenmoore14217

In reality there is no saying how many partners she's been with nor how diseased infested she is. Good grief ................ run


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## convert

she essentially abandoned the family. I know she said she was going to be with her mother but she went really to see the OM.

You might file for abandonment. I know it would be splitting hairs but that is actually what she did. Make her defend it in court.

Cut the finances off now. I do not care if it would give her ammunition. You have already paid for the hotel room for them to have sex.

I would be considered to be a doormat her on TAM, but reading this story just gets me so [email protected]***** angry.

gather as much evidence of the affair as you still can including all the expense on these trips. You might be able to get them back.

OM has no grounds for legal action against you if anything you have some legal grounds against him.

Put him on cheaterville stick with the facts.

Expose even if you D. and when i say expose i mean to everyone.


----------



## Fenix

*shaking head* Dluxe, I would recommend you get some IC to see why you keep choosing cheaters. Did you know she was a cheater when you married her?


----------



## F-102

Well, you pretty much know now that you couldn't change her: by her track record of her previous M, you know that she is not a wife: she is a selfish, spoiled and entitled woman with a wedding ring.

And then that "saved" BS...who saved him? I think that SHE did.

Divorce her. If you BOTH (especially HER) want to reconcile later, you can always call off the D or even remarry someday. I know that it will be hard on the kids, but I'd much rather my kids look back and be sad that we separated, than to have them look back and say: "My god...we lived in a broken home and under a sham marriage because mom cheated and dad allowed it!"


----------



## Tobyboy

Serial cheater!!! You just happen to catch her in her current one!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## sinnister

Sorry Dluxe this is done.

She is not trustworty. She is the poster child for "once a cheater...."

Cut your loses. Don't be hopeful for reconcilliation. Be hopeful for a new life with a real wife. Your kids are old enough to get it. There is zero reason to stay married when your kids are teenagers.


----------



## Philat

Dluxe, just checking: Were you one of your W's other men during her previous marriage?


----------



## Dluxe

Fenix said:


> *shaking head* Dluxe, I would recommend you get some IC to see why you keep choosing cheaters. Did you know she was a cheater when you married her?


I did know that. I had naively thought it would be changed permanently with me.


----------



## Dluxe

Philat said:


> Dluxe, just checking: Were you one of your W's other men during her previous marriage?


Technically I was. Even though they were separated at the time. I guess I'm no better then.


----------



## Dluxe

Did I mention that the OM was her very first boyfriend and lover when they were both teenagers?


----------



## Philat

Dluxe said:


> Technically I was. Even though they were separated at the time. I guess I'm no better then.


Should have given you a clue, at any rate.


----------



## Dluxe

Philat said:


> Should have given you a clue, at any rate.


Yes it should have. She was absolutely gorgeous back then and I was thinking with the wrong head.


----------



## TheFlood117

Another sad example of, "once a ho, always a ho". You can put house shoes on it and try to 'domesticate' it. But.... A ho is gonna ho. 

DIVORCE. Not really much else to say. Everyone is telling you the same thing. 

And you do not deserve any of it. And you ARE better. Cause you didn't cheat and lie. 

She did. 

This is all on her. But something tells me she doesn't give a sh!t.


----------



## RWB

illwill said:


> My view is not always agreed upon. Once the affair was revealed and she continued, her choice was made. She is choosing him, by not choosing you.
> 
> I also do not believe in giving any cheater a second chance if they don't end the affair and lies on dday.
> 
> .


I agree 100%. This was exactly how I expressed myself when I caught my wife cheating. Even then, it did not mean I wouldn't D regardless. My ball, my court, my choice.

As far as the OP... I have lost count on the number of "chances" he has given.


----------



## sandc

You're old enough to think with the right head going forward. 

At least now you can see there is something broken within her that causes her to not be content with whomever she is with. No telling how many times she's cheated on you. You just caught her this time.


----------



## Graywolf2

Dluxe said:


> He lives with his mom and is on disability! A real winner!


She and the OM have been dating while you have been dealing with reality. There is no way you can compete with that.

I don’t know why so many BS think they are punishing their WS by demanding full custody of the kids. If they get it the WS and the OM can continue dating. You need to give them a dose of reality.

Home schooling seems to be important to you. Even if it’s a bluff, tell them that the kids need to keep their teacher. Your kids are in the house all day? The OM and his mom will love that. Ask her if the kids will have their own rooms in the OM's house. See how she and the OM react to that.


----------



## yeah_right

Dluxe said:


> I think total cutoff would not be good especially since she is 700 miles from home.


That's what will make it especially effective. Let the OM take care of her. The allure of their romance will be hit hard by everyday issues like bills!

Play hardball. You're doing it for the kids and yourself.

Also make sure her parents know since they were aiding and abetting.



Graywolf2 said:


> I don’t know why so many BS think they are punishing their WS by demanding full custody of the kids. If they get it the WS and the OM can continue dating. You need to give them a dose of reality.


Yes, tell her you want shared custody, 50/50. Another fun dose of every days issues. Remove the romance from their relationship!


----------



## cool12

Dluxe said:


> It sure has been a roller coaster. That initial confession was to just kissing. The next day it had evolved into "2 times" and then the following night she said the were just "talking" in his vehicle and she'd left the phone in her purse in our vehicle. (when she got to the town where her mother lives) 4 days later she admitted she'd slept with him that night. Then there was last night's "dinner." I feel badly for her mother. She was really looking forward to spending time with her daughter only to see that she has been spending any chance she gets with OM.


trickle truth. that's usually how it goes.
her poor mom.


----------



## Tobyboy

Hey! Maybe you lost your wallet and all your credit cards were in it and........
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## mahike

I am sorry you are here. I think the kids are old enough you need to tell them what is going on. Leave out the details. Does your Mother In Law know what is going on?

You should make sure that the A is exposed all the way around with family and friends. I am glad you are going to start the D. I do believe in the fog for a WS. The thing you need to do is shake them hard and snap them out of it. 

I would get into IC right away and get yourself to a Dr and get your blood pressure checked and a check for STD's. Make sure you tell your doctor what is going on.


----------



## manfromlamancha

Sorry to have you here. You are getting excellent advice here and I do believe that you have the strength and determination to follow through and act on it.

Essentially, you need to be able to walk away from this marriage no matter what. So you need to be able to lose her even if you want to win her back (although I don't see why you would).

File for D, expose, ask her not to come back, don't communicate (go dark) except for stuff involving the kids, do the 180 and work on yourself. Attorney up, separate finances, cut off money for anything that you don't have to pay for (e.g. kids). Let him know he can have her (and let her know the same), and name and shame wherever you can in your immediate circles. Save all your evidence somewhere safe.

You both need to come to an honest (and agreed) understanding of why this happened. Do not accept any blame for the affair. 

Essentially, she had a good life, went through some problems (mum's illness, dad's passing) and went home, hooked up for some illicit love (he must have thought his prayers were answered) thinking it was enjoyable and that she wouldn't be caught - this would have gone on for God knows how long with you possibly funding his education and lifestyle (very very disrespectful and deceitful of your wife - which is why I would question why you would ever get back with her).

Do not accept any other wildly differing reason for what she did. She will try to blame shift and even rewrite your marital history. She may even change facts and will not necessarily give you the whole story and the truth. She has already started trickle truthing and you will have to extract it painfully.

To go on (R or D) you need the whole truth, transparency on all phones, emails, communications and whereabouts so that you know what the score is in order to make a decision. Most of all she needs to own up to what she did 100%, be truly remorseful (actions speak much louder than words here and no faking it) and accept your decision whatever it is and know that it is your decision not hers.

Good luck and I wish you the best and will keep monitoring this piping in when I can.


----------



## Hicks

I would enroll those kids in school before she comes back.
She is not fit to teach a child anything.
You should listen to the advice you are gettiing.
Cut off the credit cards and access to cash.
You are crazy for continuing to fund her adultery.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Take control, don't cater to her whims. I agree with hicks and the other posters who suggested:
1) Enroll them in public or private school TODAY.
2) Keep track of all reords.
3) Stop all contact with Other Man, don't give him any thing to use against you.
4) Cut her money using the reason "I have to protect my children."
5) Tell her not to come home. Legally, you can't stop her, but until they get advice people will listen.

Don't worry about how she or the OM might react.


----------



## convert

"He is a devout Baptist and told her (during one of our many heated conversations these past few days) that even though he has sinned he has been saved so he will still get to heaven. You can't make up this stuff!"

Wait a minute...... I was saved 12 years ago. You mean i could have been coasting all this time.....S O B


When you put him on cheaterville (remember stay with the facts) send the link to his pastor.
if you stay with the facts he can't win in a suit against you, it is factual information.

He needs to be saved again and baptized (maybe hold him under the water tad bit longer then normal)


----------



## 6301

Well friend, you heard it from the masses so now you know what to do, so do it and be done with her. 

She made her choice and now she has to live with it and if it was me, I would cut all contact with her. No text or emails just total black out. Have the divorce papers ready for her when she or if she returns home. Give them to her and let her know that the time for talking has come and gone.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

I'm actually with illwill on this one. Don't fall into the fog trap with your situation. They were planning out being together two years in advance. Out of all the threads I have read, I have never seen future planning that far out. I've seen the daydreams of "what if we were together now," "In a few weeks we will be together," and "I am asking for a divorce" but two years out? Wow. Do not get sucked into her crying or what about the kids. Two years out and you are affecting college funds, sports, other extracurricular activities and home life.


----------



## F-102

Given the history between you and her history before you, in the end, she could just shrug and use the Amy Winehouse defense:

"You knew I was no good!"

Wonder how long until she's using it on the POSOM?


----------



## Dluxe

Just got off the phone with my lawyer. Going to go up tomorrow and file and if she comes back this weekend (she is supposed to be here by Sunday so I can go back to work Monday) then she will be served on Monday. And I'll be at work when it happens!


----------



## TheFlood117

Dluxe said:


> Just got off the phone with my lawyer. Going to go up tomorrow and file and if she comes back this weekend (she is supposed to be here by Sunday so I can go back to work Monday) then she will be served on Monday. And I'll be at work when it happens!



Good. Now follow through with it. And disconnect. 

You're gonna cut off the money right?


----------



## Dluxe

TheFlood117 said:


> Good. Now follow through with it. And disconnect.
> 
> You're gonna cut off the money right?


I have a feeling when I do that the OM won't pay for her trip home, her mother will end up footing the bill. I could always pay her mom back though.


----------



## illwill

Awesome.


----------



## illwill

Dluxe said:


> I have a feeling when I do that the OM won't pay for her trip home, her mother will end up footing the bill. I could always pay her mom back though.


DO NOT PAY HER BACK. Let her mom's resentment be one more cross for her to bare.


----------



## Clay2013

I would tell her to stay gone. I would tell her she is no longer welcome in your life. You will be reasonable with the kids but as far as the marriage is concerned it is over with. You can get custody of the kids. Honestly its a lot easier these days. I do agree with the others. I would say she abandoned you and the kids. I would site that she is unstable and wreckless in her decisions. I would not focus on the cheating in court. Just makes you look like your trying to get revenge. I would promote that you work and our stable and dedicated to your kids. 

I personally would do it more for myself and my kids. I would show them this is how things are done when people betray you. If you don't stand up for yourself then you will only teach them that they deserve to be cheated on too. 

You set the example for how they deal with people in there lives. You fail and you fail them as well. 


My xW did cheat on me. I did not have any real proof of sex or if they had been alone together. It was just dumb luck i found out about it in the first place. I did not put up with it. I threw her out and filed for divorce. I did keep my kids. 

If you don't think you can do it then I tell you that you are wrong. My brother has custody of his son and three guys I have worked with in the last 10 years got custody of there kids as well. 

Get her out of your life and show your kids you and them can move on and have a healthy life. 

Clay


----------



## Dluxe

The thing about this whole mess is I was willing to try and R with her when she told me last Friday that all they did was talk. Up until the discussion we had when she finally revealed what they'd done I was trying to act nice and believe what she was telling me. Then all of the little lies started piling on and I was getting more and more angry all over again. Then she starts with the tears and "I thought we were done with the arguing" crap. 

The lawyer will get an order to prevent her from leaving or taking the kids with her when she goes back to her mom's house. If she does not show up this weekend then possibly abandonment charges may be filed as well. I know the weather was good enough for her to go "out" with OM last night so she could have surely driven back home just as easily.


----------



## 3putt

Dluxe said:


> I have a feeling when I do that the OM won't pay for her trip home, her mother will end up footing the bill. I could always pay her mom back though.


Do it. It would be quite the eye opener.


----------



## TheFlood117

Dluxe said:


> I have a feeling when I do that the OM won't pay for her trip home, her mother will end up footing the bill. I could always pay her mom back though.


Tell her to walk or hitch... lulz!!!

But yeah, you gotta bring the little liar back. 


So she can get served!!! Boom!

Good job on moving quickly and decisively here. It will pay off. Trust me.


----------



## Dluxe

I'm confident I can retain custody of the kids. I got custody of my daughter after my first divorce and that was 19 years ago. Ironically that divorce was for the same reason........


----------



## illwill

Dluxe said:


> The thing about this whole mess is I was willing to try and R with her when she told me last Friday that all they did was talk. Up until the discussion we had when she finally revealed what they'd done I was trying to act nice and believe what she was telling me. Then all of the little lies started piling on and I was getting more and more angry all over again. Then she starts with the tears and "I thought we were done with the arguing" crap.
> 
> The lawyer will get an order to prevent her from leaving or taking the kids with her when she goes back to her mom's house. If she does not show up this weekend then possibly abandonment charges may be filed as well. I know the weather was good enough for her to go "out" with OM last night so she could have surely driven back home just as easily.


Trickle truth always gets them in the end.


----------



## Philat

Dluxe said:


> I have a feeling when I do that the OM won't pay for her trip home, her mother will end up footing the bill. I could always pay her mom back though.


No! Let your W take these consequences.


----------



## Philat

Dluxe said:


> Then all of the little lies started piling on and I was getting more and more angry all over again. Then she starts with the tears and "I thought we were done with the arguing" crap.


"We'll be done with the arguing when you're done with the lying."


----------



## TheFlood117

Dluxe said:


> I'm confident I can retain custody of the kids. I got custody of my daughter after my first divorce and that was 19 years ago. Ironically that divorce was for the same reason........


Pick better females bro. I'm kidding. They all cheat. Well most of the good looking ones do anyway's. I'm sure some of the 8's and above are loyal.....Maybe.


----------



## yeah_right

Dluxe said:


> I have a feeling when I do that the OM won't pay for her trip home, her mother will end up footing the bill. I could always pay her mom back though.


Do not pay! No, no, no!!!!!

This is part of the wake-up call to the new reality of her own creation. And what better way to expose to her mom?

Your decisions should no longer be based on her needs...only those of your children and yourself.

And I would sit the teenagers down tonight and explain gently what is going on. They probably already know more than you realize.

And yes to public school. It will actually be good for them to focus on that instead of the turmoil at home.

Good luck!


----------



## F-102

Tread warily, Dluxe! Get all the legal advice and PROTECTION that you can. If you can, get ALL the info that you possibly can about her previous divorce. 

The reason that I say this is that she has been down this road (or up this creek) before, and she will probably be determined to not get "screwed over" this time. She, like ALL cheaters, has already started blameshifting, and has probably had everyone involved (including you) convinced that she got the shaft in the last divorce.

Pleeeeease...CYA!!!


----------



## mahike

Did you expose? Does her Mom know? I would cut her cards off and let her deal with that POS and her Mom.

Again I would talk with the kids. They are going to find out. Mom has found someone else she would rather be with, she is with him know and we will be divorcing. That is as far as you need to go.

Sorry you have to live through this


----------



## TheFlood117

Nah. Fly her home. Then when she gets home. Have her sh!t on the front lawn and then give her D papers and plane ticket back to scumbag Bible thumper moma's boy. Then say- "Thanks honey, but I just took out the trash. Now you can go back, bye bye now".


----------



## Dluxe

Here family knows. Her mom is disgusted with the both of them. Won't allow OM back into their home.


----------



## Acabado

There's nothing to save here.
She's a serial cheater even if it's the first time she cheated on you. It's a patern of behavior. She wont change ever, she will put immediate self gratification over everything, including her kids. Her family knows, got her number ages ago. Also, romantic affairs with old boyfriends, specialy the first one, are almost imposible to crack.

I'd take adventage, if possible, of her current psychological, delusional state (the "having both", polyamory nonsense, a lover/life in different towns/universe...) to secure you get a great deal regarding custody (the better possible outcome).

Ask you lawyer how you can make imposible she moves the kids away. She can go her hometown if she wishes (eaveing the kids with you), or move OM here (he won't, due he must take care of her mom). 

I don't know the particulars of your combined finances but it's possible that at the ind you have to pay her to finance her affair and relationship with this loser. Put it on the price you have to pay to get rid of this toxic woman of your life. **** happens.

I'd go totaly dark on her unless it suits your agenda. In your place I wouldn't mind to tell her you need "time to think" in her offer and you don't need here for now while you have your plan worked out and start implementing it.


----------



## tom67

Dluxe said:


> Here family knows. Her mom is disgusted with the both of them. Won't allow OM back into their home.


We all know blood is thicker than water but...
it is good she is NOT being enabled which happens often.
With this news she may see how she screwed up who knows.


----------



## Dyokemm

"He is a devout Baptist and told her (during one of our many heated conversations these past few days) that even though he has sinned he has been saved so he will still get to heaven."

Find the church this POS attends and out him to his pastor and congregation along with copies of that little text exchange.

What a worthless piece of filth.


----------



## Clay2013

I think you should actually just tell her to stay with her mom. She can be served there. You really don't need to fight with her in front of the kids anyhow. Her stuff can be hauled to a storage facility and you can send her the key. Its what I did with my xW. I told her I paid for two months worth of storage. If she did not go get it by then it would be gone. The sooner you make things clear to her the better off you and your kids will be. 

Clay


----------



## alte Dame

Acabado said:


> I'd take adventage, if possible, of her current psychological, delusional state (the "having both", polyamory nonsense, a lover/life in different towns/universe...) to secure you get a great deal regarding custody (the better possible outcome).
> 
> Ask you lawyer how you can make imposible she moves the kids away. She can go her hometown if she wishes (eaveing the kids with you), or move OM here (he won't, due he must take care of her mom).
> 
> I don't know the particulars of your combined finances but it's possible that at the ind you have to pay her to finance her affair and relationship with this loser. Put it on the price you have to pay to get rid of this toxic woman of your life. **** happens.
> 
> I'd go totaly dark on her unless it suits your agenda. In your place I wouldn't mind to tell her you need "time to think" in her offer and you don't need here for now while you have your plan worked out and start implementing it.


Definitely take advantage of her current delusions to get yourself the best deal in the divorce. And divorce it must be!

What a complete creep and loser this OM is. My God, there must be something of the Groucho Marx doctrine that helps you here - you don't want to be married to someone who would want to be with a creep like this guy.

I would get the divorce done and only then let it sink in what exactly she has done to her life. And then, toast this weeny with a good cheaterville posting. He's a WATB, so it will definitely have an effect.


----------



## Healer

Dluxe said:


> That email he sent me was threatening to sue me for harassment if I didn't stop the online digging. It is just public stuff that I found by typing his name into Google.


So not only is he a POSOM, he's a dumb POSOM. :smthumbup:


----------



## TheFlood117

I served my ex cheating ho wife at work in front of her OM and pals. 

It was... Glorious. Kicked her out the same day. I'll never forget the feeling of loss, anger, fear, sadness, joyfulness, and finally relief. It was surreal. So just prepare to run the gambit of emotions when it happens.


----------



## Acabado

You can even put her stuff in a moving van and unload it at OM's place.


----------



## JustHer

Dluxe, I am truly sorry for what you are going through.

The advice you are getting is good, I really have nothing to add to it except:

As for the kids, I too home school and know the dilemma you are in about that. I assume you wanted the kids to be home schooled too and that it wasn't just your wife's idea. It is a tricky situation to be in and if you are up on the public schools and the implementation of "common core" I am sure you don't want them put in at this time.

There are some really good on-line options that I would be happy to share with you, if you are interested you can PM me. If you choose that route, perhaps there is someone, like an older sibling, the kids can go to during the day. They can work on-line, this relieves you of expecting them to work on their own, which they won't, and gives them supervision, which they still need.

P.S. I would cut off her money too. Let the OM pay her gas to get home.


----------



## Dluxe

Acabado said:


> You can even put her stuff in a moving van and unload it at OM's place.


The sad truth is I don't think his mom even knows what is going on. Should I call my W and tell her I am filing for D? Or should I wait until she (finally) comes home. When I called last night to ask about long pants for my son and found out she was with OM I talked to her sister for a while about it. W came home while I was on the phone with her sister and she asked me if I wanted to talk with W. I said no. I hope she stewed a bit over that but probably not.


----------



## Dluxe

JustHer said:


> Dluxe, I am truly sorry for what you are going through.
> 
> The advice you are getting is good, I really have nothing to add to it except:
> 
> As for the kids, I too home school and know the dilemma you are in about that. I assume you wanted the kids to be home schooled too and that it wasn't just your wife's idea. It is a tricky situation to be in and if you are up on the public schools and the implementation of "common core" I am sure you don't want them put in at this time.
> 
> There are some really good on-line options that I would be happy to share with you, if you are interested you can PM me. If you choose that route, perhaps there is someone, like an older sibling, the kids can go to during the day. They can work on-line, this relieves you of expecting them to work on their own, which they won't, and gives them supervision, which they still need.
> 
> P.S. I would cut off her money too. Let the OM pay her gas to get home.



I would prefer that the kids be home schooled. They had a tough time when they were going to public schools and we had decided a few years ago to go this route. They are very independent kids and they get along really well. My daughter is also wanting to look for a job this summer. Sounds good to me!


----------



## Graywolf2

Dluxe said:


> Should I call my W and tell her I am filing for D? Or should I wait until she (finally) comes home.


Wait until she comes back. 



TheFlood117 said:


> I served my ex cheating ho wife at work in front of her OM and pals.
> It was... Glorious.


TheFlood117 is the man.

I know you can’t do that because she doesn’t work outside the home, but surprise and having the papers in her hands is better.

She goes from “my husband is a doormat" to "oh sh*t" in one swoop.


----------



## TheFlood117

Just prepare for a full on break down if you do that type of thing. My ex lost it, I mean I thought she might cry herself to death. It was wild. 

Not gonna lie, I kinda enjoyed it. For the first minute or so. Then I got scared and worried and felt bad. But, it had to be done.


----------



## Clay2013

TheFlood117 said:


> Just prepare for a full on break down if you do that type of thing. My ex lost it, I mean I thought she might cry herself to death. It was wild.
> 
> Not gonna lie, I kinda enjoyed it. For the first minute or so. Then I got scared and worried and felt bad. But, it had to be done.


He brings her home and she does that in front of the kids he will have to live with the guilt of the kids having a break down as well. I kicked my xW out while the kids were at school. I would put them first. It sucks she cheated but now you have to be a DAD and think of your kids. 

Clay


----------



## Acabado

Dluxe said:


> Should I call my W and tell her I am filing for D? Or should I wait until she (finally) comes home.


You tell her nothing at all from now on. Why would you give her the intel so she can plan ahead? As a matter of fact think she's the enemy, lack of information is your adventage (that's what she did it to you!)
Nothing about your plans, your thougs, nothing. Dark on her.
As a matter of fact I'd even lie to her as long as it suits me (avoid the paper trail).


----------



## sandc

Dluxe said:


> The sad truth is I don't think his mom even knows what is going on. Should I call my W and tell her I am filing for D? Or should I wait until she (finally) comes home. When I called last night to ask about long pants for my son and found out she was with OM I talked to her sister for a while about it. W came home while I was on the phone with her sister and she asked me if I wanted to talk with W. I said no. I hope she stewed a bit over that but probably not.


No! Do not talk to her any more than you have to. Keep it all business. Kids and D are the only things you should talk about. Do the 180. Detach.

Do you have a guest room? Set her stuff up in there. If not, put a pillow and blanket on the couch for her.


----------



## GusPolinski

sandc said:


> No! Do not talk to her any more than you have to. Keep it all business. Kids and D are the only things you should talk about. Do the 180. Detach.
> 
> Do you have a guest room? Set her stuff up in there. If not, put a pillow and blanket on the couch for her.


I'd probably take it a step further... Have the marital bed (frame, mattresses, pillows, sheets, EVERYTHING) shredded into kindling and waiting in the front yard for her when she pulls up. Once she's in the driveway, light a match and watch that mofo burn.


----------



## Graywolf2

Clay2013 said:


> He brings her home and she does that in front of the kids he will have to live with the guilt of the kids having a break down as well. I kicked my xW out while the kids were at school. I would put them first. It sucks she cheated but now you have to be a DAD and think of your kids.
> 
> Clay


Clay makes a good point. Does the OM live in the same state as you? Maybe you could have her served there.


----------



## Dluxe

Graywolf2 said:


> Clay makes a good point. Does the OM live in the same state as you? Maybe you could have her served there.


Different state, 700 miles away.


----------



## Clay2013

Well that sucks. I would still do all I could to not have the kids there when it goes down. You need to put them first. They don't need to get caught up in all the drama of this mess. Flood does set a good example with how he handled things. You need to follow those lines and be smarter about it. I would plan things out. Maybe make her stay gone a few extra days so you can have the papers ready to be served when she comes home. Have all of her stuff already out of the house. Even if she comes in and demands to stay it will be difficult for her to do that with nothing of hers there. 

Clay


----------



## Dluxe

We've got a lot of stuff! Been in the home for 16 years. I did call a few minutes ago to ask about my son's long pants. She said she'd have told me last night but that "my sister told me you didn't wan to talk to me." I replied, "I wonder why?" It is like this whole thing is not computing with her.


----------



## yeah_right

Dluxe said:


> I did call a few minutes ago to ask about my son's long pants. She said she'd have told me last night but that "my sister told me you didn't wan to talk to me." I replied, "I wonder why?" It is like this whole thing is not computing with her.


When she makes stupid comments like that, ignore them and stick only to the necessary facts concerning kids or divorce. No emotions.

"Where are the pants?"
"I'd have told you last night if blah blah whine whine"
"Nevermind, I found them" (click)

Then go buy some new pants. 

YOU. DO. NOT. NEED. HER. ANYMORE.


----------



## Clay2013

I would not call her or take and phone calls from her. I would tell my lawyer to rush the divorce paper work. I would plan on the kids being gone for a few days. I would have at least her clothing and other personal things out of the house when she came home. I would have all the money moved and her name off of anything you can. 

I would make it clear you are worth more than what she has given you. Shes never going to give you the respect you deserve so discard her like the trash she is and find someone that will. 

I thought it would kill my kids to be with out there mother. They moved along great. Life for them is great. They are spoiled and finding someone new sure helped me. Trust can be rebuilt with someone new. Why waste another second with a looser. 

Clay


----------



## manticore

Dluxe they are right about the shared accounts, careful there, other WW had emptied the shared accounts when they felt the BS was about to do something drastic, and as everybody said, don't inform her nothing from now on, if you tell her before hand you are giving her time to plot and manipulate circunstances around her (like telling lies, manipulate your kids) that is why many of us advice you exposure and informing the kids about the truth.


----------



## Fenix

TheFlood117 said:


> Pick better females bro. I'm kidding. They all cheat. Well most of the good looking ones do anyway's. I'm sure some of the 8's and above are loyal.....Maybe.


Uh, NO, they don't.


----------



## Fenix

Dluxe said:


> I would prefer that the kids be home schooled. They had a tough time when they were going to public schools and we had decided a few years ago to go this route. They are very independent kids and they get along really well. My daughter is also wanting to look for a job this summer. Sounds good to me!


Think carefully on this. Why do you want them home schooled? Social reasons? Religious reasons? They are older now and the distraction could be really good for them. There is also the option that they immediately start to attend just some of the classes and home school for the rest. That is what my sis did when her 6 got older. Math, English and Science were at the high school, the rest were studied at home. Should you decide later to go the public or private school route, the shock won't be as great.


----------



## warlock07

It seems no one suggested it yet but tell the OM's mother if you can(If she is in decent health)..


----------



## warlock07

"if (s)he cheats with you.. (s)he'll cheat on you"


----------



## mahike

You mentioned that the POS OM's Mom may not know. Let her know! So your Mother in law is upset with her daughter. That is good but remember that no matter what she has done that is still her kid and in the long run she will support her daughter.

I would not talk with your wife about anything, no calls no texts and if she calls or texts you I would only talk and or reply about the kids.

You might want to tell your MIL that maybe your wife should just stay with her for now. You can have her served there.


----------



## Acabado

I just don't see any good in trying to reconcile with this woman so the usal steps of exposure, i.e. to OM's mom, makes no sense at all.
I believe the ongoing affair is in OP's adventage. The more distracted, hooked up she is on OM the more chances has OP to get the desired outcome in the divorce.
Exposure makes sense if the goal is to kill the affair. And there's no betrayed wife here who needs to know.


----------



## Why Not Be Happy?

At this point you should figure out how to get the best possible settlement for you-----and get custody of your kids. Good luck!


----------



## Tobyboy

Acabado said:


> I just don't see any good in trying to reconcile with this woman so the usal steps of exposure, i.e. to OM's mom, makes no sense at all.
> I believe the ongoing affair is in OP's adventage. The more distracted, hooked up she is on OM the more chances has OP to get the desired outcome in the divorce.
> Exposure makes sense if the goal is to kill the affair. And there's no betrayed wife here who needs to know.


In this case.....it might be a good thing to expose, even if divorcing. The OM seems kinda shady....wouldn't want my kids around this POS!!!


----------



## cool12

Dluxe said:


> Here family knows. Her mom is disgusted with the both of them. Won't allow OM back into their home.


yuck that he was even there in the first place. sounds like a total loser. mylie cyrus? how embarassing for him!

i totally understand about wanting to continue homeschooling. i've always taught our kids too. our oldest decided to go to public school this year as a freshman and although she is doing great, i can't imagine making that transition if our home life wasn't loving, stable and supportive. 

you're doing great. keep it up and take care of yourself. your kids need you!


----------



## Dluxe

Thank you all again for your support and advice.


----------



## Justadude

Read this...it helped me deal with the "loss" of my posXW.

13 Signs Your Wife or Girlfriend is a Borderline or a Narcissist | A Shrink for Men


----------



## Thorburn

1. Post the dude on cheaterville.
2. Stop all contact with the OM and your wife. Shut up.
3. Start the 180.
4. Do not discuss your plans with anyone but your attorney.
5. Look into cyber school for your kids. I sent mine to private schools and we homeschooled for a year. In your situation there are two options I would suggest. A) see if there is another person in your network who home schools their children and if compatable send them there. B) Look into cyber school. You can still oversee their education but you don't have to be home.
6. Don't talk to her family much. Unless you know they are absolutely on your side. My wife's family mostly sided with me. But they talked and her middle sister who sided with my wife. She would tell my wife everything the family was saying. I then started to give misinformation to them. It took a while but I got her two oldest brothers to stop talking to the other family members. 
7. Don't give your wife any ammo. No throwing stuff out in the yard. No smashing things. If you have to put things in storage, but don't destroy things. Keep your cool.
8. Keep your cool around your kids. Watch the negative speak. Don't bad mouth your wife.
9. You can move her stuff into another room in the house. Do it gently. You do not need a restraining order.
10. Get all your accounts in order. Get all account information written down. Change passwords to all your online accounts, gas, credit cards, bank accounts ect. if you have online accounts.
11. IF she has a cell phone and it is on your account, cancell it.
12. Pay all the bills and keep a record of all your spending.
13. If the bank account is in your name (LIKE MINE WAS) you can cut her off. But pay the bills. I was the primary.
14. Don't go off on her. Keep your mouth shut and get smart about things.


----------



## the guy

Sorry your going thru this crap...went thru it 4 years ago and its tough.

What worked for me was being tough and having the confidence to let my old lady go.

So pack her stuff up and send it to her moms and give your old lady the tracking numbers....at least a couple of boxes showing her you mean business.

Dude she hade a second chance and failed misserably by going out with OM again after you confronted.

So it sound like she needs to see a man that will command respect cuz right now her respect for you is nill.....

You know your old lady would be packing your sh1t up if you pulled this crap..show her you are no different then her if the shoe were on the other foot.

Send some of her crap back to her moms ASAP. Even if it doesn't make it there before she comes back home ..again it shows her you have enough self respect to never tolorate this crap. Beside at this point you can't believer her when she tells you she was coming home...you figured she was going to stay so you helped her out.


I still can't believe she had a chance to make it right and went again to OM any way!!!!


----------



## the guy

I regress I can believe it...hell I've been way to long not to believe it


----------



## illwill

the guy said:


> I regress I can believe it...hell I've been way to long not to believe it


Yeah. Its not that shocking.


----------



## Emptyshelldad

wow. I'm.sorry this is happening to you. I agree with the posters here that divorce should be immediate. Also cut off funds. then she will see who takes care of who. reel world hits the fantasy hard in the face. 

this is a street fight. I know you don't want to hear that, but most any man on here will tell you we have seen way too many try.to nice guy their way out of this and it never works. you want shock and awe. it will leave her reeling. 

so divorce asap and cut off funds, right away.


----------



## Emptyshelldad

this doesn't mean that you can't still work out problems after divorce is.final but no way would I stay married to a women who does this. you can still have a relationship after words but the sanctity of your marriage has already been molested and drowned. and the longer you keep trying to breath life into a corpse, the longer it will take for you to.realize, that dead is dead. her actions killed it, and no.matter how sorry she is, you can't unpull the trigger. 

so far so.good with this course of action with my ww.


----------



## MissFroggie

Dluxe said:


> I know the weather was good enough for her to go "out" with OM last night so she could have surely driven back home just as easily.





Dluxe said:


> Different state, 700 miles away.


Just a question - how long does it take her to drive 700 miles?


----------



## sidney2718

Dluxe said:


> I do know the OM wants her exclusively. And she is saying (to me) that she doesn't want him. One of their email conversations had them planning something in 2 years time. I should probably send him an itemized bill for the October expenses! I think I'll call my lawyer tomorrow and file. I don't thing R is possible at this very minute. But maybe the threat of D will snap her out of this fog.


You can't have an R without BOTH of you wanting one. So right now R is out of the question. Don't waste time thinking about it.

You have two choices: one is the status quo where you continue the marriage while she shuttles back and forth between you and the OM until she gets tired of that and makes a decision.

The other choice is to file for divorce. She can either go to the OM or work something else out. But in this scenario you have the decision making authority. She may go to the OM, in which case you were not going to save the marriage. Or she may want to come back to you.

It is then and only then that you can start talking about an R.

You will be in deep pain no matter which course you choose, but in choice one you may end up in a divorce too.


----------



## sidney2718

Dluxe said:


> That email he sent me was threatening to sue me for harassment if I didn't stop the online digging. It is just public stuff that I found by typing his name into Google.


He's trying to outman you. Talk to a lawyer.


----------



## sidney2718

Dluxe said:


> I have a feeling when I do that the OM won't pay for her trip home, her mother will end up footing the bill. I could always pay her mom back though.


I'd not totally cut off her money. But make sure that you take at least half (and preferably more) and put it in an account to which she has no access. If you do not do this you could end up with your account emptied. If that happens it can be fixed, but it is a pain in the seat and being cashless, even for only a week, isn't fun.


----------



## illwill

POSOM lives at home. Any money Op gives wife, will end up with POSOM. 

You wanna pay this guy to bang your wife???

Oh, he!! no.


----------



## Rottdad42

For me , 55 wma lives at home with his 75-80 yo mother and on disability. WTH, is wrong with that , oh he has an affinity for way too young girls. Red flag in my line of work. You do not date your daughters age, flat out.


----------



## Dluxe

It has been a while but I got back from my lawyers office and have filed for divorce. She will go up to be near her Mom and the OM and the kids are going to be with her. I tried R and NC but it was too difficult for her to handle so I just went (nearly) 180 and said I was going to the lawyers office today. I feel better about things since I paid the $$ and am getting the ball rolling. 

Sure I'll have to pay support for the kids but they are 14 and 16 so it won't be that bad. I have every intention of having them down for summers (42 days) and alternating holidays. I also went to the doctor and was tested for all of the STD's. I hope they come out clear but we'll see. Just wanted to thank you all for making the emotional roller coaster I was riding on be much more tolerable. 

Will keep you all updated as I can. I work pretty much all the time and was lucky to have the holiday off.


----------



## syhoybenden

Hang in there.


----------



## happyman64

Dluxe

Good for you on being decisive.

Sorry that your wayward wife is a piece of dung.

Bet your kids are not thrilled about moving.

Be strong. Get it done. And let her go.

Wish her good luck on being with her loser first love.

Maybe she can take over washing his underwear from his momma that he still lives with.....

HM


----------



## manticore

How your kids took the new about the affair and about moving out?, I mean, they will lose their friends and stability so her mother can keep her relationship with OM.

is not better if they stay with you?


----------



## just got it 55

manticore said:


> How your kids took the new about the affair and about moving out?, I mean, they will lose their friends and stability so her mother can keep her relationship with OM.
> 
> is not better if they stay with you?


OP WTF Happened to full custody 

55


----------



## brokeneric

Good to see you decide.


----------



## the guy

Are you naming the OM n the divorce docs?

Have you looked into alienation of affection ?

What about a moral clause the keeps the OM away from the kids?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

Keep saving your money after he divorce is finalized you may find your self going back to court when the kids start getting into trouble cuz their mom don't care what hey do or what kind of grades they get..... As long as OM keeps buying them off.

It won't surprised me that n 2-4 yrs they get tired of getting in the way and since the child support goes away the WW and OM send them back.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

My point here is keep an eye on their grades at their new school. It may give you leverage next year in getting them back and 86 the child support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Dluxe

My 16 year old wants to stay with me. The 14 year old may still go with Mom. This will put a crimp in her CS though. Oh well! Will talk to the lawyer more tomorrow.


----------



## the guy

See if you can get the kids transcript put into the divorce paper work, that way if their grades slip you have it documented.

At the very least it shows your old lady she still has to be a parent and not just a phuck toy for her new boy friend while they collect your money each month.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

Dluxe said:


> My 16 year old wants to stay with me. The 14 year old may still go with Mom. This will put a crimp in her CS though. Oh well! Will talk to the lawyer more tomorrow.


Depending on the state 16 may be old enough for him to choose.


----------



## The Cro-Magnon

Why does she get the kids?

Someone tell me why? She LEFT the marriage, she abandoned it. Why doesn't she just go away then. Just fcuking leave.

But she wants to drag her "normal" with her.

There is a special place in Hell waiting for her, and her bottom feeding, family breaking, POS other male.

They are not good people, and they deserve nothing.

Nothing but each other.


----------



## Dluxe

Another quick update: Put her on the bus yesterday morning. The kids decided to stay with me!  I paid for the bus ticket and deposit and first months rent on her place up there. Looks like the OM will have to cough up some $$ for next month! My lawyer advised me that if I wanted her out it would be a good idea to do this. She still shows very little remorse. Just a few crying spells and worrying if she is "doing the right thing" and all such nonsense. 

The kids are doing well with it. They are pretty resilient kids. They know that their Dad has his head screwed on right. I told her to call when she got to her Mom's house and I received the message. She has to stay with Mom until the 1st, then the "new" place. I hear that the OM turned on the utilities at least and is planning on staying there as well. Me and the kids will stay in our nice 4 bedroom home while they will have a 3 bedroom trailer. (trash) 

I can't say how much I appreciate the support. Hopefully the kids will decide (in 2 months time) that they would rather stay with me and I get awarded custody. That would thrill me to no end and save me from paying them.


----------



## tom67

Dluxe said:


> Another quick update: Put her on the bus yesterday morning. The kids decided to stay with me!  I paid for the bus ticket and deposit and first months rent on her place up there. Looks like the OM will have to cough up some $$ for next month! My lawyer advised me that if I wanted her out it would be a good idea to do this. She still shows very little remorse. Just a few crying spells and worrying if she is "doing the right thing" and all such nonsense.
> 
> The kids are doing well with it. They are pretty resilient kids. They know that their Dad has his head screwed on right. I told her to call when she got to her Mom's house and I received the message. She has to stay with Mom until the 1st, then the "new" place. I hear that the OM turned on the utilities at least and is planning on staying there as well. Me and the kids will stay in our nice 4 bedroom home while they will have a 3 bedroom trailer. (trash)
> 
> I can't say how much I appreciate the support. Hopefully the kids will decide (in 2 months time) that they would rather stay with me and I get awarded custody. That would thrill me to no end and save me from paying them.


Kudos you handled this quite well.
Now time to go find her replacement...in time.


----------



## Chaparral

Good luck and prayers for you and the kids.

To me it looks like she has stepped into a nightmare. He doesn't work, she doesn't have a job. Together 24/7.............. reality should hit quick unless drugs are invovled.


Be prepared for her to want to come back.


----------



## cool12

wow.
i can't believe she left for that loser. unfrkinreal.

fingers crossed you get custody. i know you'll keep being a great dad no matter what happens.


----------



## Dluxe

I did find out the OM has anxiety attacks and is on Xanax. Takes 3 to 4 of them a day! WTF! I do hope reality hits her hard. It won't change my mind as I told her I'd never be able to trust her. And I have let my few close friends at work know the past few days. I'd been keeping it bottled up inside because I am a very private person at work. But opening up to my friends has made me feel so much better and they are giving me a lot of support too. Not sure I want to find another someone any time soon. It took a few years after my first D. I'm a lot older now but apparently wasn't a whole lot wiser!


----------



## JustHer

I just can't wrap my head around what she has done. No matter how bad my marriage has been at times, through menopause with all the crap my hormones did to me, and even when I had a teenager that put me through literal hell - I would NEVER leave my kids.

I can't even imagine.........


----------



## jim123

Dluxe said:


> I did find out the OM has anxiety attacks and is on Xanax. Takes 3 to 4 of them a day! WTF! I do hope reality hits her hard. It won't change my mind as I told her I'd never be able to trust her. And I have let my few close friends at work know the past few days. I'd been keeping it bottled up inside because I am a very private person at work. But opening up to my friends has made me feel so much better and they are giving me a lot of support too. Not sure I want to find another someone any time soon. It took a few years after my first D. I'm a lot older now but apparently wasn't a whole lot wiser!


Talk to your attorney. Your kids should not be around him.


----------



## tom67

Dluxe said:


> I did find out the OM has anxiety attacks and is on Xanax. Takes 3 to 4 of them a day! WTF! I do hope reality hits her hard. It won't change my mind as I told her I'd never be able to trust her. And I have let my few close friends at work know the past few days. I'd been keeping it bottled up inside because I am a very private person at work. But opening up to my friends has made me feel so much better and they are giving me a lot of support too. Not sure I want to find another someone any time soon. It took a few years after my first D. I'm a lot older now but apparently wasn't a whole lot wiser!


What the heck does her mother think about this?


----------



## happyman64

Dluxe

Your wife is not only a liar and cheater she is what we call a WAW/WAM.

Walk Away Wife/Walk Away Mother.

IMO that is the lowest of the low.

Because not only is she throwing a husband and marriage away to fulfill her selfish desires but she is throwing her children away.

And soon the kids are going to realize it.

Hopefully your WW will come out of the fog, wake up and realize her entire family is gone.

By then you just might have full custody.

Be strong. Be their example.

HM


----------



## weightlifter

How long is divorce in your state OP?


----------



## lordmayhem

Dluxe said:


> Another quick update: Put her on the bus yesterday morning. The kids decided to stay with me!  I paid for the bus ticket and deposit and first months rent on her place up there. Looks like the OM will have to cough up some $$ for next month! My lawyer advised me that if I wanted her out it would be a good idea to do this. She still shows very little remorse. Just a few crying spells and worrying if she is "doing the right thing" and all such nonsense.
> 
> The kids are doing well with it. They are pretty resilient kids. They know that their Dad has his head screwed on right. I told her to call when she got to her Mom's house and I received the message. She has to stay with Mom until the 1st, then the "new" place. I hear that the OM turned on the utilities at least and is planning on staying there as well. Me and the kids will stay in our nice 4 bedroom home while they will have a 3 bedroom trailer. (trash)
> 
> I can't say how much I appreciate the support. Hopefully the kids will decide (in 2 months time) that they would rather stay with me and I get awarded custody. That would thrill me to no end and save me from paying them.


Way to use the fog against her. :smthumbup:

Once in a while, we get a story where the WS is so deep in the fog, so desperate to get out of the marriage and be with their AP, that they agree to things they would not normally do. Now you got her for abandonment.


----------



## lordmayhem

happyman64 said:


> Dluxe
> 
> Your wife is not only a liar and cheater she is what we call a WAW/WAM.
> 
> Walk Away Wife/Walk Away Mother.
> 
> IMO that is the lowest of the low.
> 
> Because not only is she throwing a husband and marriage away to fulfill her selfish desires but she is throwing her children away.
> 
> And soon the kids are going to realize it.
> 
> Hopefully your WW will come out of the fog, wake up and realize her entire family is gone.
> 
> By then you just might have full custody.
> 
> Be strong. Be their example.
> 
> HM


Hopefully she doesn't come out of the fog too soon. He needs to push the divorce thru ASAP while the getting is good.


----------



## Dluxe

weightlifter said:


> How long is divorce in your state OP?


There is a minimum 2 month waiting period. I filed on the 17th so looking like mid-April. 

This whole episode has been wild to say the least. D-Day was on 01/29, she left to see her "mom" on 01/31, came back home on 02/09, and left again on 02/21. 3 weeks I'd never wish on anyone else. My heart still hurts on occasion but the pain I felt that first week after D-Day was nearly unbearable. I hope to never experience that ever again.


----------



## Graywolf2

Dluxe said:


> She still shows very little remorse. Just a few crying spells and worrying if she is "doing the right thing" and all such nonsense.


She’s worried about doing the right thing for herself. i.e. Should be giving up her plan “B” so quickly.


----------



## F-102

Time to trot it out:

Some day, maybe in the not too distant future, after a revolving door parade of losers, drug-addicts, ne'er-do-wells, and abusers have come and gone in her life, she will be at work and hear another woman talking about how her wonderful H took her on a cruise, sent her flowers, or talk of the plans for their upcoming anniversary.

You W will go home, close the door behind her and wistfully say: "I had a wonderful husband and family once".

And only the walls and her 50 smelly cats will hear her.


----------



## weightlifter

2 months is a dream for many. Push push push push. At all costs push.


----------



## weightlifter

OP. Read the poster whyeme story or the BFF story.

Whyeme started off very rough. You will see many similarities in whyeme except his wife got preggers by OM.

Hint: it ends well enough to make it into my signature.


----------



## warlock07

What did she say about the kids?


----------



## Dluxe

My 16 year old daughter was relieved that she did not have to go. I told her it was up to her and that she did not have to go if she did not want to. She didn't. Her brother was a little hesitant to decide but I reassured him that he'd be fine here and we'd plan a lot of activities. So he agreed to stay too. He does not like to be separated from his sister as they are very close. 

So once we found this out (Thursday) I went on and bought the bus ticket and drove her to the station at 4 a.m. the following day. The kids woke up and gave her a quick hug and kiss but there were no tears on either end. My kids are old enough to know that she is not thinking things through. I could not imagine them going off to a strange (mobile) home with only a weeks notice. They were born in this town and this is the only home they've known. 

BTW, her family knew about the OM since last July when it first occurred but covered it. I guess I can't blame them because they are her family. Her sister keeps insisting that she found out about it the same time as I did even though I've told her several times that I know the truth.


----------



## warlock07

Any discussions about alimony?


----------



## Chaparral

warlock07 said:


> Any discussions about alimony?


You mean, after her being gone awhile, her paying him child support?


----------



## warlock07

She won't get the child support or she will threaten him with shared custody if she has to pay him child support. Ray of hope, is that she moved 500 miles. That should count in OP's favor.


----------



## Dluxe

No alimony state. The child support will be determined if neither side can come to terms. Then the judge will discuss the matter with each child individually. I have a lot of family that live here in my town. 5 of my six sisters and my Mom and Dad as well as numerous nieces, nephews and cousins. I'm confident that the kids will want to stay here. 

I talked to her mother on the phone this afternoon. She could not even talk with me for more than two minutes without crying she is so upset at the whole scenario. Her sister told me they are all puzzled about it as well. I guess in time after the divorce goes through and I have custody of the kids and their bills start to pile on up maybe she'll come to her senses. But of course by then it will be too late. Plus if they are both on Xanax they probably won't care anyway!


----------



## bandit.45

Dluxe said:


> No alimony state. The child support will be determined if neither side can come to terms. Then the judge will discuss the matter with each child individually. I have a lot of family that live here in my town. 5 of my six sisters and my Mom and Dad as well as numerous nieces, nephews and cousins. I'm confident that the kids will want to stay here.
> 
> I talked to her mother on the phone this afternoon. She could not even talk with me for more than two minutes without crying she is so upset at the whole scenario. Her sister told me they are all puzzled about it as well. I guess in time after the divorce goes through and I have custody of the kids and their bills start to pile on up maybe she'll come to her senses. But of course by then it will be too late. Plus if they are both on Xanax they probably won't care anyway!


Eh... I know it hurts, but write her off and move on...

She's a lost cause and now she isn't even going to have any clout in her family anymore. They will all look at her as damaged goods. 

Just be the best dad you can be, get in shape, find a good woman and heal.


----------



## Mr Blunt

*Deluxe
Do everything you can to focus on you, your children, and winning the legal issues. Those issues will be with you for decades, your wife is history.*

You will have to discipline your mind to keep her out of your thoughts 100%. It will be hard and if you fail then get right back into the discipline of making everything about her history. 



*The more time you waste on her and your thoughts about her the more it will take away from you, your children bonding with you and the legal issues.* Those three are 100 times more important than any thing you do with or think concerning your wife. Your future life is with you, your children, and your legal issues and any time with her will be a TOTAL loss for you.



Be prepared for her to come crying to you and wanting to come back in the future. That will be a very emotional strain on you but go with facts not emotions. She is a serial cheater, liar, and has blatantly disrespected you and your children to a very high degree. Her actions are not a one time affair that caught her off guard. *She planned this and made a definite decision several times over several days and weeks to choose to feed her character flaw over you and her children. She definitely has a character flaw and you cannot fix her.*


Deluxe, you are doing the best thing for you and your children and you will recover in time.
*You can even be a lot better off than you have been with her.*


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## cool12

how are things lately with the ww gone?
you and the kids ok?


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