# 40 - no kids, no life husband laid off and I want out!



## hoffmangirl (Jun 1, 2009)

Ok, I will try to make this straight and to the point. H and I have been married for 5 years and together 7. he is a pilot.

When we got together he was doing very well at a major airline.

We did everything backwards, we dated, decided to buy a house THEN get married.

NOW I want out and here is why....

My husband has been through 3 jobs in 5 years each time he goes through this it is a horrible financial burden on our marriage, I cant begin to explain, it has been like putting a husband through Medical school! Now he is out of a job and I am done.

He has no consideration for the marriage. We have a house with a bonus room and he LIVES up there, he sleeps in our guest room, we have sex maybe once a month. he never thinks about hoilidays birthdays anniversaries nothing. I am the bread winner and always have been by a large margin.

I have owned homes prior to this and property, he came in to the marriage with NOTHING. I gave up many of my things to get things together with him

So here are my questions:

1 My father gave ME 10,000 dollars to help him sell a house. I put that in a joint account my husband and I had to give to the builder for a downpayment, we were NOT married just had the account, that is still mine right?

2 I can afford the house, he cannot, we are upside down like so many people so it is now a liablility and not an asset right?

3 I paid for most of our furniture out of a C Corp that I had in which he was NOT an officer, is this considered joint property? I would think not since the corporation paid for it not us.

4 No credit card debt, just a car worth about 15K and the car I had before we were married, he now drives that I drive the new one. How is that divided?

5 SInce he is furloghed from his job would I haver to pay alimony? He has a degree and could find another job, he just LIKES sitting around doing nothing.

Any thoughts on my rights here? I feel if I take on the responsibility of the house I should keep more assets also since I am in GA and it is equitable not 50/50, since I produced 75% of the income that should be considered as well, right?

Thank god there are no kids to deal with in this.

He MUST know this wont last, we are living like roomates yet he pays nothing we dont have sex, we sleep in separate rooms, yet I pay all the bills, cook all the food do all the chores, tough life for him, huh??

What do you all think?

Thanks for listening to me rant!


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## hoffmangirl (Jun 1, 2009)

One last thing...the house is upside down, if we were to sell it, we would have to take money to the closing table so to let him out would be a big financial relief for him, any thoughts?

Thanks!


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## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

My advice would be to get an attorney, and it depends on what state you're in as well...check and see if you are in a community property state because all bets are off if you are...that being said, then, technically...

1. That money should be yours since it was yours prior to being married.
2. If the house is in both your names then you will probably have to buy out his equity, if not and there is a quit claim deed then it is yours...if the mortgage is in both your names then you will have to buy out his equity as well. Depends on how this is set-up...
3. The furniture would belong to the C-Corp and is not considered a marital asset per se but the C-Corp could be a liability if it was started after you were married.
4. The car you had before you were married is yours, the other one, again, depends on how it's financed...if in both names, then you have to decide who gets to keep and pay for it...
5. It's possibly he could get spousal support if you have been the financial provider but it's unlikely if it's shown he is able to get a job to support himself.

Like I said, it's best to consult an attorney and it sounds like the sooner the better.

Blessed Be,
Preacher


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

hoffmangirl said:


> Ok, I will try to make this straight and to the point. H and I have been married for 5 years and together 7. he is a pilot.
> 
> When we got together he was doing very well at a major airline.
> 
> ...



Sounds like you're just as ready for out anyway the way you go on about things being 'yours' not his. Trouble is if you bring things into the marriage, isnt it a little bit petty so say 'i paid for that' you didnt etc?

Surely, if anything was acquired when you were together (i.e. in a partnership) it should all become equal property.

Maybe I'm just oldfashioned but in 20 years together I've always earned at least double what my wife earns but I dont ever consider that I own 2/3rds of everything and she owns a 1/3rd...


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

hoffmangirl-
Would you keep him if he was willing to work on being a better husband?


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## hoffmangirl (Jun 1, 2009)

thank you all for replying and i apologize if I sound petty, I am just over it, this marriage has always ben about HIM at my expense and I am tired of it!

You asked if I would work it out if he was better, that isnt going to happen. I have approached counseling and his answer is if we cant work it out alone we dont need to be together, this may acutally be my out when i tell him about divorce!

i am getting all my docs together, and an waiting for a referral to an atty.

i wish this could have been the marriage I always wanted but it cant always be one way like it has been!

I realize I have been an enabler, I allowed this behavior to happen and now he thinks it is OK, I should have done something a while ago....

Any other advice out there???


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

hoffmangirl said:


> So here are my questions:
> 
> 1 My father gave ME 10,000 dollars to help him sell a house. I put that in a joint account my husband and I had to give to the builder for a downpayment, we were NOT married just had the account, that is still mine right?
> 
> ...



1. depnds on the laws in your state. each state will vary, hopefully your not in New York.

2. maybe the best you can do at this point if your unwilling to sell the house and take the loss is to charge him rent.

3. again, depends on your state, but the good news is, you can sell it and keep the money prior to the divorce.
You can say your selling it to pay the household bills.

4. depends on which state your in... do you know in my state there is no such thing as alimony !

5. could be, you need to see a lawyer.

I have to ask, why you married this man, maybe you thought being married to a pilot meant he had money... 
you should have checked his credit rating and also if you wanted to marry someone financially stable, stay away from auto workers and anyone in the airlines.

best wishes, hope you get the money from the divorce you seek.
I have to wonder why you married, sounds like it was because of a lifestyle you were seeking. I'd advise you, if you marry again to keep all your property and assets seperate and don't talk about them, so you dont attract unstable men who hope to lean hard on you.


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## hoffmangirl (Jun 1, 2009)

:Once again I thank you for the replies, I am in the state of GA, so it is NOT a community property state.

I married him because I thought he would be stable, and I thought he lvoed me, I am beginning to think that it was all a lie from the beginning

He is a good person, and I want to be fair and try and do this peacefully, HOWEVER, I dont want to be taken advantage of either.

our joint vehicle is paid off. I just feel if I am going to let him walk away from a 400K debt the division should reflect this sacrifice on my part and the ability to walk away on his.

Am I wrong??


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

hoffmangirl said:


> :Once again I thank you for the replies, I am in the state of GA, so it is NOT a community property state.
> 
> I married him because I thought he would be stable, and I thought he lvoed me, I am beginning to think that it was all a lie from the beginning
> 
> ...


It very well could have been pre-concieved, as women are not the only ones who select a marriage partner based on financial aspects. He may love you, but he is not up to your standards in the $$$ dept. 
How does he have 400K in debt? was this debt from before you married him?
anyways.... he is just not the one for you... 
you are someone whose concerns need legal counsel.


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## hoffmangirl (Jun 1, 2009)

Sorry I should have been clearer, the 400k is what we owe on our house.

He cant afford it, i can although I will be "house poor".

If I let him walk away there should be other consideration involved right?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

This is a legal matter that will vary by state with the debt on the house. If the house is upside down, someone is going to have to take a hit and that person who takes the hit is going to be the one
who put in the most.
Your not going to be able to get anything out of him if he has nothing.... and according to you, he doesn't even have a job.

If you cant afford your house your going to have to sell it.
If I were you, I'd ask for the house in the divorce along with its debt... and hold onto it until the economy gets better.
If you have to, you can always rent out the rooms he currently lives in to a paying renter/ room mate... as a temp situation
to help pay taxes and utilities.
When economy is better you will be able to sell and maybe break even.

If he does not agree to giving you the house, along with its debt and wants to sell quickly to get anything he can, you have problems.. and will need a good lawyer.
My uncle was in this situation and in his divorce he had to either give her the house ( as she had nothing, no money, no job) or sell it quickly... he wanted to sell quickly and took 1/3 its market value, although there was no debt on the house..
he said it was worth it because he did not want her to have the house.
She ended up moving into a trailer park with her money.
haha
and where she still is, 20 years later.


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## hoffmangirl (Jun 1, 2009)

That is what I want, to keep the house until it gets better, but if I take the "hit" I should get more of the marital property right?

I want to keep the newer car, house, and 1/2 furniture, both cars are paid for, house is the only debt.

I thonk he is getting out pretty easy if you ask me!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

hoffmangirl said:


> I realize I have been an enabler, I allowed this behavior to happen and now he thinks it is OK, I should have done something a while ago....


You could still turn it round in that case, but I don't want to put you off getting a divorce. Either way is cool.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

hoffmangirl said:


> That is what I want, to keep the house until it gets better, but if I take the "hit" I should get more of the marital property right?
> 
> I want to keep the newer car, house, and 1/2 furniture, both cars are paid for, house is the only debt.
> 
> I thonk he is getting out pretty easy if you ask me!


That can only be negotiated through an attorney.
What you want and what you get, are 2 different things.

Your not going to know anything for certain until you speak to a lawyer who will give you the low down in your state.. and you will have to go from there.
You seem to be most interested in the financial aspects of the divorce at this time...
and the only one who can help with that is legal counsel.

Keeping the house would work well for you in the long run...
( being you manage to keep it and keep it up until the economy gets better) 
but I doubt seriously your going to get everything you want. He
will most likely let you have the house
but want the newer car to look for work, etc... the house going to you would be a major win for you.. if you got that alone, you'd be in a better position than he ...
as you won't have to incur moving expenses ( housing, furnishing housing, utility deposits, secutrity deposuits and down payments, moving truck, etc...)


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

hoffmangirl said:


> he is a pilot.
> 
> When we got together he was doing very well at a major airline.
> 
> ...


Don't feel like I am attacking you, but here is my impression of your situation:

It appears to me you are more interested in the fact he is no longer a financial asset (aka pilot with a major airline) and therefore you want to toss him to the curb.

No wonder he wants to sleep upstairs!

Knowing pilots as well as I do, are you sure you know what sort of "creature" you married?

Did you NOT realize pilots are FAMOUS for their "ego"?

Do you not realize that when a pilot has his JOB in jeopardy there isn't likely going to be a great deal of sex, or absentminded sex at BEST?

Did you NOT realize pilots are furloughed at LEAST twice per "career", some more often as the industry is extremely up and down (no pun intended)?

Did you NOT realize pilots at MAJOR airlines are on a SENIORITY system? If they leave ONE airline they go to the bottom of the pay scale at a new airline, therefore they must "juggle" jobs to keep seniority?

My dh is a pilot, my son is a pilot, my son in law is a pilot.

They are a self centered group of guys who are insensitive to others.

You should research your next fiscal partner. IF you wanted a STABLE paycheck spouse, you should have married a professional engineer, a CPA.

Sure pilots make HUGE money, but there is a price they pay for that and the divorce rate is about 80%.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Oh, and he is also sleeping in the other room because he has a wife who does not understand that the job market for a pilot right now is nearly nil....he may have a degree (which is a requirement of most airlines to HIRE him...) but if he has only been a pilot what would you like him to do, go work at Walmart???


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## hoffmangirl (Jun 1, 2009)

Wow that was rough! Understand I know the ego of a pilot. His being out of work is NOT why I want out. I was actually going to wait until he went BACK to work to do this but he found out the wrong way!

I am ina loveles marriage, no passion, no consideration, no respect, no appreication, no nothing 

He has expected me for 5 years to support him through this while doing nothing in return.

It is for that reason I am done, I had no problem being a pilots wife, I had a problem being THIS MANS wife.


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