# Stay at home dad



## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

Ive been a stay at home dad for 4 years i have a inheritance sold my last business when i was 33 to be a stay at home dad wife's career really taking off she close to earning a six figure salary. It made lots of sense and has been quite a ride. 

I want to talk about what a journey its has been and some of the ups and downs. 
The challenge of being home has been rewarding being able to spend so much time with my child and have such a close bond with her is priceless. 

The downside of being a man that stays at home is my social life has gone to hell lol . Its like once we had a kiddo my friends started to stay away don't see my close friends as much as i like seeing they all work. The second is i have to most contract with other moms. I don't have anything in common with women socially and i don't want a bunch of moms for buddies. I just do my thing but am a guys guy other wise. Ive found myself getting a bit isolated in the experience at times.

Currently working on a new business plan for when my kid is finally a full timer at school and im pumped to get back into the game . 

What have other men stay at home parenting experiences been like?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

There are not a lot of SAHD's here on TAM. 

Why not call your old friends and set up a time once or twice a month where you meet them for something. Did you all socialize outside work? If so, then join them. It might be a good idea to do this to keep up your professional contact since you intend to go back to work at some point.

If you feel that isolated, why not get involved in some activity? For example do you jog, ride a bike, or some other physical activity like that? There are groups/clubs that you could join.

To find things you could do, check out meetup.org. It's a site on which people post activities. For example here where I live there are dozens, if not a few hundred meetups. Many of them are things like hiking, running/jogging groups, white water rafting groups, professional groups.. there are so many choices.

There are groups for moms... play groups where moms bring their kids so that they can get out of the house and socialize with other moms while their children play.

You could start a stay-at-home-dad group that does the same thing. Do things like dad's take their kids to the museum day, or to the zoo, or just to the park. Who knows you might just find out that there are more SAHD's in your area than you realize.

You could also start a SAHD blog. I just did a google search for "blog for stay at home dad" and got a lot of hits. Searched YouTube for "stay at home dad". You are not alone here. Get out there and meet other guys doing the same thing.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

redwingpentagon said:


> Ive been a stay at home dad for 4 years i have a inheritance sold my last business when i was 33 to be a stay at home dad wife's career really taking off she close to earning a six figure salary. It made lots of sense and has been quite a ride.
> 
> I want to talk about what a journey its has been and some of the ups and downs.
> The challenge of being home has been rewarding being able to spend so much time with my child and have such a close bond with her is priceless.
> ...


I say keep doing this and forget about all the rest.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

There are very, very few SAHD’s here and they almost never post. They’re usually here for marriage issues and then they are gone. Maybe there are other forums out there that have good discussion groups?


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## HotAirBaloon14 (Nov 24, 2019)

Being a SAHD lead to my divorce. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, ever.

Sent from my SM-G965U1 using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

redwingpentagon said:


> Ive been a stay at home dad for 4 years i have a inheritance sold my last business when i was 33 to be a stay at home dad wife's career really taking off she close to earning a six figure salary. It made lots of sense and has been quite a ride.
> 
> I want to talk about what a journey its has been and some of the ups and downs.
> The challenge of being home has been rewarding being able to spend so much time with my child and have such a close bond with her is priceless.
> ...


I have close family members where this works really well. Both worked full time till the second child came along. They moved just before this time to another part of the country and mum got a job the next level up in her career. Dad has been at home with the children since then, paying for childcare for 2 children meant it wasn't worth while both working financially and he is brilliant with the children and has also become a good cook since this happened. (I love to see men being able to look after things in the home if needed). He does some part time work on line when he has time. They have one of the best, strongest and happiest marriages I know. Their children are thriving and very happy. 

They are very involved with their small local church so have many friends and contacts there and he is on the leadership team. He also goes to various different groups with the youngest, and their church runs one of them so he is one of the leaders.
He also goes running regularly with a guy from church and they know loads of people from their community and neighbourhood through schools and church. He gets on with men and women of all ages so that's not an issue for him. 

It what you make it. There is so much you can do if you make that effort to meet with other guys, take up hobbies etc.


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

Thanks @EleGirl @Diana7 for the very nice thoughtful response .


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

HotAirBaloon14 said:


> Being a SAHD lead to my divorce. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, ever.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G965U1 using Tapatalk


No truer words have been spoken.

As men we don't understand that women don't love who we are, but WHAT we are or WHAT we will become.
Never be a SAHD, the stats are awful.
Be a GIDD...Get It Done Dad.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

redwingpentagon said:


> Ive been a stay at home dad for 4 years i have a inheritance sold my last business when i was 33 to be a stay at home dad wife's career really taking off she close to earning a six figure salary. It made lots of sense and has been quite a ride.
> 
> I want to talk about what a journey its has been and some of the ups and downs.
> The challenge of being home has been rewarding being able to spend so much time with my child and have such a close bond with her is priceless.
> ...


I can somewhat relate to your situation. After my retirement from my first job I became
a stay at home dad for a short time. My first job required travel and time away from home.
My sons were junior high age then, my youngest was born in Germany. When we returned to
the states I decided I was tired of missing out on a lot of things with them. It was time to settle
down I guess. Went to a lot of football games, drama clubs and everything else Even did some
voluntary things. Looking back now I wouldn't have missed it for the world. After they got to the
age were they really didn't need dad hanging around I went back to work. They have grown up
now, but still call when they really need something. The call often goes like " Mom let me speak to
dad " 

Social life and friends, yes that changed but I made new friends. Kept some of the old ones, the ones 
who were always there for me and me for them. Still friends to this day also. Some of us ride our motorcycles 
together and talk about old times and the kids. ( Now grand kids ) Enjoy every moment with your child. They 
seem to grow up quickly. Make all of the fun memories you can. You are now and always will be dad. Regardless of anything else that happens. One day before you know it you may even become a grand dad like me.That is another experience all together.

I hope I helped you some how
Take care


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## BarbedFenceRider (Mar 30, 2018)

If you have small children, the "getting together" with the bros just ain't gonna happen. You are now in "mom mode". And your wife is in corporate alpha mode. While the dynamic of gender pay is changing ( mine did!) I still see the majority of relationships are garnered for traditional role modeling. The key to this relationship will be TOTAL transparency. You need to discuss everything. And if she finds resentment in this....You found your kryptonite. It will lead to your undoing....


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## redwingpentagon (Apr 10, 2019)

Update doing very well here. Its been winter it can mess with your head a bit. Good advice from folk been having by bros hang out with me on weekends. Its funny how much work it is but still worth keepping in touch with people. I also joined a few new social groups in town so things are good.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

redwingpentagon said:


> Update doing very well here. Its been winter it can mess with your head a bit. Good advice from folk been having by bros hang out with me on weekends. Its funny how much work it is but still worth keepping in touch with people. I also joined a few new social groups in town so things are good.


I have been SAHM/SAHW for 20 years with a few periods of working due to necessity. I also live in the midwest where winter means snow, ice, and below freezing temps. Even with social media it can be hard to make time and be motivated to go visiting in the cold. I find hobbies help. It gives me something to talk about when I am with friends and it keeps my mind and hands busy. Also, there is a lot of creativity and challenge in, say, perfecting a recipe or making store quality dog bed. Keeps the mind from atrophy.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I have done it for a while... first with my daughter and then with my boy. Very hard but highly rewarding. And I loved the company of the mums... :laugh:


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

redwingpentagon said:


> Ive been a stay at home dad for 4 years i have a inheritance sold my last business when i was 33 to be a stay at home dad wife's career really taking off she close to earning a six figure salary. It made lots of sense and has been quite a ride.
> 
> I want to talk about what a journey its has been and some of the ups and downs.
> The challenge of being home has been rewarding being able to spend so much time with my child and have such a close bond with her is priceless.
> ...



I had a buddy that was fortunate enough to work from home when his kids were little.

He went back to the office once they all were in their late teens.

He loved it.
He was able to clean and organize the house how he liked it.his wife didn't get a say - as he said, you're not here so you don't get to dictate how I do things.
Laundry was done how he wanted it and when he wanted it done.
He did a ton of small projects for home repair when time permitted.

He made friends with the moms because they had husbands who turned out to be awesome.

When wife came home, he had dinner started and he would hand the kids over and go to the gym for an hour.

I would. say his experience was very positive.


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