# Decided today is the day....



## Meshell74 (Aug 7, 2020)

Been married 20 years. But been alone for about 10yrs in this so called family home.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Good luck. I too was married for 20 years and unhappy for at least half that time. It was a very emotionally difficult decision to end the marriage regardless of how unhappy I was but I will tell you this, once I started the process I couldn't get it done fast enough. Once finished a switch flipped in my head and I was so at peace and content in my life I realized I had forgotten what it was like to be happy and relaxed. Best wishes to you.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

I have found that this path is more about how they have struggled to love themselves and less about how they loved us, we are just the fallout of that part of them that suffers.

If you can be anything through this process, remember to be kind.


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## Lady-A (Jul 29, 2020)

Meshell74 said:


> Been married 20 years. But been alone for about 10yrs in this so called family home.


Good luck with everything. And good for you for choosing to be happy. I am starting to feel the same way in my marriage. I haven’t quite been married 20 years, but will soon be approaching that milestone and I don’t want to live the rest of my marriage in regret.


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## confusedinCA2020 (Jul 2, 2020)

As someone on the “other end” of the “I love you but am not in love with you” anymore...be as kind as you can and AS HONEST as you can..lying..even if you are feeling like you are trying to protect him will bite you in the ass and make him feel like ****..


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## Meshell74 (Aug 7, 2020)

Cooper said:


> Good luck. I too was married for 20 years and unhappy for at least half that time. It was a very emotionally difficult decision to end the marriage regardless of how unhappy I was but I will tell you this, once I started the process I couldn't get it done fast enough. Once finished a switch flipped in my head and I was so at peace and content in my life I realized I had forgotten what it was like to be happy and relaxed. Best wishes to you.


Thank You. I don't know why I haven't done it long ago. People tell me that my marriage is just a habit because it's been so long. Also living in NC you have to be separated for one year to even get granted a divorce. I'm only 46 yrs old and I still have many years ahead of me to be happy. #tryingtostaystrong


Emerging Buddhist said:


> I have found that this path is more about how they have struggled to love themselves and less about how thy loved us, we are just the fallout of that part of them that suffers.
> 
> If you can be anything through this process, remember to be kind.


I will be kind to others for sure. I'm actually a very happy person when I'm at work and with friends, until I walk in this house my attitude changes


Allistar said:


> Good luck with everything. And good for you for choosing to be happy. I am starting to feel the same way in my marriage. I haven’t quite been married 20 years, but will soon be approaching that milestone and I don’t want to live the rest of my marriage in regret.


Girl I hear ya there's just so much to my story. Including drugs, felony charges the whole nine yards. Just so so so done.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Did you talk over your wish to divorce with your husband? How did it go?


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## Meshell74 (Aug 7, 2020)

Yes I did his response was "whatever Michele" I think over the years I've said it so much. But I do have appointment with a lawyer Monday at 1pm


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## Meshell74 (Aug 7, 2020)

Had my appointment yesterday with a divorce lawyer I can say it was well worth the $250 consultation fee. As of now she told me not to file separation. Now I know that sounds kind of weird but there's so much to my story I can probably even write a book. As of now my husband has a murder charge pending since 2016 it was a hunting accident and he has to prove his innocence. My parents used their home for his bond. Hopefully with this covid his court date will still be September. The lawyer doesn't want to piss my husband off with a divorce just in case he runs from the bond then my parents home is gone. So as of today I stay in this unhappy marriage, we sleep in different rooms we split the bills I'll just have to hang in there a little longer.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

That sucks, nothing worse than living in limbo. With so much going on in your life I hope you have close family or friends to lean on, you're going to need emotional support.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Meshell74 said:


> Had my appointment yesterday with a divorce lawyer I can say it was well worth the $250 consultation fee. As of now she told me not to file separation. Now I know that sounds kind of weird but there's so much to my story I can probably even write a book. As of now my husband has a murder charge pending since 2016 it was a hunting accident and he has to prove his innocence. My parents used their home for his bond. Hopefully with this covid his court date will still be September. The lawyer doesn't want to piss my husband off with a divorce just in case he runs from the bond then my parents home is gone. So as of today I stay in this unhappy marriage, we sleep in different rooms we split the bills I'll just have to hang in there a little longer.


A small investment for a remaining lifetime of free will and happiness


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## Blackrose22 (Aug 16, 2020)

Meshell74 said:


> Had my appointment yesterday with a divorce lawyer I can say it was well worth the $250 consultation fee. As of now she told me not to file separation. Now I know that sounds kind of weird but there's so much to my story I can probably even write a book. As of now my husband has a murder charge pending since 2016 it was a hunting accident and he has to prove his innocence. My parents used their home for his bond. Hopefully with this covid his court date will still be September. The lawyer doesn't want to piss my husband off with a divorce just in case he runs from the bond then my parents home is gone. So as of today I stay in this unhappy marriage, we sleep in different rooms we split the bills I'll just have to hang in there a little longer.


Wow. Bless you. I hope it all works out for you. Stay strong


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## Acosarecsta (Aug 22, 2020)

I suggest you try and discuss with your husband, work things out, marriage is supposed to be for life. Most vows have that in it. You are leaving him in a really low point in his life, have you put effort into saving marriage?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

The good thing is now that you have a PLAN and can work to that. Make sure you just keep to it, keep yourself healthy and active.


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## raiseravens88 (Aug 2, 2020)

Acosarecsta said:


> I suggest you try and discuss with your husband, work things out, marriage is supposed to be for life. Most vows have that in it. You are leaving him in a really low point in his life, have you put effort into saving marriage?


This is pretty odd advice. She just indicated she had 10 years of loneliness, I think that counts for effort.


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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

Meshell74 said:


> Had my appointment yesterday with a divorce lawyer I can say it was well worth the $250 consultation fee. As of now she told me not to file separation. Now I know that sounds kind of weird but there's so much to my story I can probably even write a book. As of now my husband has a murder charge pending since 2016 it was a hunting accident and he has to prove his innocence. My parents used their home for his bond. Hopefully with this covid his court date will still be September. The lawyer doesn't want to piss my husband off with a divorce just in case he runs from the bond then my parents home is gone. So as of today I stay in this unhappy marriage, we sleep in different rooms we split the bills I'll just have to hang in there a little longer.


Good first step and sound advice from your lawyer. That would really suck if your parents lost their house in this mess. We all need to remember these things take time and never go according to our schedule.


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## timcarp1964 (Mar 26, 2019)

Meshell74 said:


> Thank You. I don't know why I haven't done it long ago. People tell me that my marriage is just a habit because it's been so long. Also living in NC you have to be separated for one year to even get granted a divorce. I'm only 46 yrs old and I still have many years ahead of me to be happy. #tryingtostaystrong


You didn't do it because you made a vow and you tried your best to make it work. I get it. Me too but add 10 more years that I tried. I am 56 but in man years that's only well never mind, hell we die younger... I just moved out and I am all over the place emotionally. A one year separation is probably a good idea with a stipulation of no dating. However, I want to date as my wife and I have lived separately for years already. I am sure you are probably the same.
Best wishes to you and yes as others have said be honest but loving and you will have fewer regrets.

-tim


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## Galabar01 (Mar 20, 2019)

You should ask for the bond to be revoked. He'll get sent back to the clink, and you'll be free to file for divorce.

There is no reason to allow your parents home to continue to be put at risk like this.


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## sia (May 25, 2018)

Meshell74 said:


> Had my appointment yesterday with a divorce lawyer I can say it was well worth the $250 consultation fee. As of now she told me not to file separation. Now I know that sounds kind of weird but there's so much to my story I can probably even write a book. As of now my husband has a murder charge pending since 2016 it was a hunting accident and he has to prove his innocence. My parents used their home for his bond. Hopefully with this covid his court date will still be September. The lawyer doesn't want to piss my husband off with a divorce just in case he runs from the bond then my parents home is gone. So as of today I stay in this unhappy marriage, we sleep in different rooms we split the bills I'll just have to hang in there a little longer.


I would encourage you to change everything as of today. You now have a timeline, so make the most of it. 
I don't know you, but your tone is very defeated. I get it, no judgment, I'm still there sometimes. But, it's time to change what's going on inside of you. It's time to take the focus off of him. Time to rebuild, only better & wiser. What does your "new" future look like? Start making plans, new friends, hobbies, exercise, drink water, jump start your spirit again. This will make you strong for the divorce and prepared for what comes after. 
While you are making changes, he will surely notice. He will probably resist but stay strong. You're doing this for you & your future, had nothing to do with him. But, if you still love him, stay open to a change of heart with him. Stay open to another chance, but only on your new terms, as a stronger, wiser woman who is done with the ********. 
Hang in there. You got this & we will help you through.


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