# Infidelity



## AnnaD (7 mo ago)

Xx


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## 346745 (Oct 7, 2020)

AnnaD said:


> My partner (25 M) was texting another girl on facebook and I caught him. The text was nothing sexual but he was hiding it from me. He didn't say he liked her but the nature of the text was flirtatious. They had also exchanges a photo of with each other (decent ones). After confronting him he was all tears and apologized thoroughly to me and even to some of my people family to whom he admitted the mistake himself. He never talked to that girl again and deleted all his online accounts. He still is very guilty of it and gets scared that I would leave him. I love him more than anything else in the world but my morals are very strict and viewpoints very Orthodox. It has been 2 years but I have not been able to overcome that breach in trust still. Any suggestions /advices would be beneficial. Don't say to leave him and all, that is not possible for me. I would be looking forward to positive friendly comments.


Two years is a long time. No other incidents? I think a lesson has been learned. It’s up to you to trust him or dump him


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## AnnaD (7 mo ago)

Xx


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

If you do not forgive him and love him _openly_ again, he will eventually give up and move on.

No one wants to be punished forever, for their past sins.

_Be easy to love._

A hard or harsh lover soon loses their shine.

Who, would not want a lover who is easy to have and to hold, someone easy to talk to.



_Gwendolyn-_


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## AnnaD (7 mo ago)

Xx


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## AnnaD (7 mo ago)

SunCMars said:


> If you do not forgive him and love him _openly_ again, he will eventually give up and move on.
> 
> No one wants to be punished forever, for their past sins.
> 
> ...


Yes, my mad mind goes on thinking madly if he is telling me the truth that he sent decent photos only. When I am sane, I believe him because there were no sexual talks. He has cried and sweared on everything that he would have never taken anything so far.
But sometimes I get bad anxieties imagining only bad things. I know I am acting very immature.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

AnnaD said:


> He recently started feeling that I was keeping him as a slave, stopping him to do any individual activity. From using his phone in private or hanging out with friends alone. He says he feels caged up.


This is a meaningful statement on his part.

Are you harsh, or very controlling?

It sounds like you are very hard to live with.

You state you are Orthodox (something) (Jewish? Christian?)
This sounds forbidding and chilling.

It sounds like you and your _significant other_ are not compatible.
Why is this a surprise?

Many people are not rigid in their approach to life.

One of you has to change, to compromise.
I suggest you change, or find another Orthodox partner.

He is not a good match for you, and if another woman, to his liking, came on the scene, he might go over the wall.

Our short lives are meant to be enjoyed, not suffered through.



_King Brian-_


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

It sounds like a pretty unhealthy relationship to me, to be honest. Any chance you can go to couple counselling in Germany?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

If you aren't married then my advise would be to leave. He clearly can't be trusted and there are red flags flying. You say you can't leave, well be prepared for a life of lies and deception and similar things happening or worse. This is not a faithful or moral man.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

If you’re not married, it might be best to go your separate ways. He doesn’t sound ready for a monogamous relationship and you’re not able to let go of what happened. Both things, I can understand. When someone hides things in a relationship and you find out, it can be difficult to ever trust again.

But, in any relationship, people do mess up on occasion (not necessarily infidelity) and you have to be able to forgive and move on (IF you want to stay with the person) Your partner has shown signs of someone in my opinion, who isn’t ready to be in a serious relationship yet he sounds scared to leave you. Not sure what that’s about but this kind of dynamic sounds really unhealthy for either of you, and maybe at least taking a break from each other would help you both see what you want.

If you are married, then counseling could help you both. What do you think he means by feeling “caged”?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Hmm, the original posts have been deleted. OP, we were just trying to help. If you’re reading this, whatever happens, I hope you both can get to a better place - together or not. 😌


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Hmm, the original posts have been deleted. OP, we were just trying to help. If you’re reading this, whatever happens, I hope you both can get to a better place - together or not. 😌


I dont think she wanted to hear that there are red flags here. We can only warn people in the end.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> I dont think she wanted to hear that there are red flags here. We can only warn people in the end.


Yea, I think most people may know there’s something off in their relationships when they post questions looking for help. Sometimes, it’s not about who is “right” or “wrong,” it’s just that the relationship itself isn’t healthy.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator note:- *Due to the fact that @AnnaD has deleted her posts this thread has been closed down.


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