# Considering divorce after verbal abuse and infidelity



## jen1020 (Dec 18, 2011)

Hello

I recently posted on the infidelity forum as my husband cheated with a prostitute. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/36688-my-husband-cheated-prostitute.html

We have been together for 10 years, married for 8. Two young children aged 2 and 5.

Throughout our marriage I have had to deal with my husbands anger and verbal abuse, with threats of physical abuse. He has been to counselling because of this and I have tried to be very patient and understanding because I know he learnt this behaviour from his parents, although I realise he chooses this behaviour himself. To give you an example of his worst behaviour, when I was pregnant he called me a horrible 'c*nt* of a woman and came at me to hit me. It wasn't the first time he had done this.

Finally I felt like we were getting somewhere. Over the past few years there has been no name calling, although there have still been put downs. However, I did feel like I had set some boundaries and we could stay married and have a good relationship at least as good as possible in this situation. 

I found out last week that he went for a prostitute for oral sex. This seems like the final blow to my self esteem and I don't feel right now that I can get past it. Apart from the fact he could have exposed me to various STDs as we had sex after the fact. I feel as though I have really given a lot of energy to this man and have been pushed to the limit countless times already. Obviously my husband does have many good points but they are very hard to see at the moment.

I really feel this man has disrespected me far too many times for this to continue. With two young children I am scared to leave however I know I could do it. It would mean relocating to be near my mum (3 hours away) for support.

I am worried for my children that they would only see their dad every few weeks, if that. I am petrified that I will damage them psychologically if we move away. I'm also worried that I will be lonely and will miss my husband, regardless of what he has put me through.

However, when I look at him, I feel only sadness and nothing for him. No respect, no love. I do care for him but he has pushed me way too far this time.

Could anyone please give me some advice as to what to do and how to get the courage up to leave, with my main concern being the children.

Thanks 

Jen


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Start with some visits to a few lawyers. Pick one and get the ball rolling if this is what you want.


----------



## jen1020 (Dec 18, 2011)

Thanks, I have visited a lawyer a few times before because of his behaviour, so pretty much know the practical side of it.

It is the emotional side, especially for my children that I am concerned about.

Jen


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If your husband is being emotionally abusive and threatening physical abuse in front of your children, they are also being abused by this behavior. Abuse is a deal braker in marriage. They will be a lot better after seeing their mother stand up for her and their well being.

If the children seem stressed or start to act out take them to counseling. Talk with them about it, why you are divorcing your husband. "Daddy has been mean, he yells and threatens to hit me. No one should put up with being treated badly in a family."

My son was in 2nd grade when I divorced my ex. He knew what was going on... he often voiced his anger at his father's behavior. So we talked about it a LOT.

Just remember that children process their strong emotions by acting them out. So look for that.


----------

