# The same, but different.



## StuckintheMud (Apr 9, 2012)

Ive been lurking for a while like most. My story is much like the rest with a different twist.

Ive been married for almost 10 years, together for about 12. We met in 99 on Napster, neither of us looking for someone. Her in Australia, me in the states. She came over to meet me, we were married within 6 months. We had a fun relationship, she a laugher, me a person that wanted to make her laugh, it worked well.

Like most relationships, ups and downs, life and death. We had moved a few times, trying to find a good place to settle down. The past few years though, more fighting than anything. Seems we just couldnt agree on anything. And with the rest of life always on my shoulders in my family, I got depressed. 

I chose to never go out with her anymore. I didnt want to be around her friends, didnt want to be around mine. I never took her out anymore, never held her hand or cuddled. We would have relations, but the spark had disappeared from them. She would constantly want to hang on me and would always push her away. Not realizing what I was doing, from my pov the world was a dark **** place to be anymore.

At the end of January, about a week or so after my birthday, we got into a huge fight, about nothing really and I asked for a divorce, took my ring off and said I was leaving. I left and went a thousand miles away to be with family. The single best and worst thing I could of done.

Ive been able to hit the ground hard, and pick myself up with a fierce vengence. Got into the gym (my brother is pro MMA and has a facility here, in which he grinds me into the ground 3 times a day, 5 days a week), found what it was like to be happy about myself again. I have also found God again, we made a deal, he gave me a hi-5.

I had tryed to contact her in the begining on and off, and talk about us. Which she practically refused to do. So we went weeks here and there without contact. Which killed me, couldnt stand it. Because after all was said and done, I realized she wasnt the problem, I was. I now understand I was looking to her to fix me, and make me happy. When in reality only I could make myself happy, sometimes you cant see the sun through the clouds. Neither one of us are innocent in this, and I do not put her up on an idolized pedestal. 

But I do love her, and I realize this now to such a gravity, its hard to get out from under. And now she denies us, and tells me this is for the best, using my being better as a reason to go forth with the divorce. I have looked at her email, fb and the phone records (i feel like an ass for doing so) to try and alleviate any thoughts or feeling of infidelity. I havent found anything, but being across the country it does little to comfort me as she seems to act as though we dont matter, making me think that there is someone else in her life that does. But there is someone in her life, and it may as well be an EA. When I left we were at the end of our lease and were looking for a place. She moved in with her best friend, a gay fellow. I know him, and I dont believe anything could happen between them. In alot of ways he is more feminine than most women I know. But also, he is a bit jaded and Im sure responsible for the determination of not needing a man and being independant etc. Not allowing her to actually view the relationship properly and facing it and her actions as she should. A buffer, a wall, however you want to term it, a distance creator from her past.

I throw no blame, I have made my bed, as has she. But after these couple months. I wont allow our relationship to be thrown away so easily. I plan on going back to her soon, with a plan to try to get her laughing and to see if I can get us to a place where we can actually sit down with no guards up and talk like we used to, to see if there is truly anything left or not. I know this is not the action that is recommended, but I wont sit back years from now and wonder if there was anything I could of done to fix things. 

I dont believe I will be succesful, but that doesnt matter. She came from the other side of the planet to be with me and I would burn down the heavens for her. But I will not pursue after this, if it is truly the end than so be it. But I have to see it in her eyes. If she'll even give me the chance.

Im ok with all of this now, I know Ill be fine either way. I have a great family and some awesome friends to lean on these day, not to mention the big guy in my corner again. 

So yes, Im the ******* that asked for divorce, and then was touched my an angel and realized how ****ing stupid I was and how I havent done my job in my marriage and now Ill be fighting with everything I can to make it right, knowing it wont be enough.

Moral of the story is to be careful for what you ask for, you may get it and realize to late its not what you really want. And what you really want, may no longer want you.

Ill update as things happen, and even my plans to surprise her. I dont want to let the cat outa the bag as she knows Im around here. There are also alot of things I wont share, as its not a blame game for me anymore, no one is right or wrong anymore and the points dont matter.

Thanks for reading my story,

SitM


----------



## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

I'm glad you're not looking for advice because I am 100% on your wife's side. You made an awful lot of HUGE unilateral decisions for the both of you!


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Well I hope you have really changed, completely changed. And I hope that this new you can get her back and go on to have a very good marriage.

But, I do not blame your wife for not wanting to get back with you. You have a huge chore ahead of you if you want to get back together again.


----------



## Mtts (Apr 16, 2012)

Wow man. I hate to say that it happens but honestly being there for her might not do what you want it to. It really sounds like distance has made it easier on you both. I wish you the best and hope you get the closure you're looking for.


----------



## StuckintheMud (Apr 9, 2012)

I appreciate the response's, and expected the overall tone. 

I believe I could tune the story a bit, throw in a bit of the details which lead me to my actions, but it doesnt matter. I wont blame her anymore for what has been done. This is about me, and I deserve the honesty about my actions. 

Yes I have changed, moreso back to the me before hand. A bit wiser (I hope) and very humble. I took her for granted, I know that. And would never do so again. This hasnt been easy on me in the least. When I mentioned that I hit the ground, I meant it as crashed, harder than I thought was possible. I didnt know you could go so low.

There are no excuses, and I hope for the best. I know my fate here, but I have to try. There is no angle or trickery, just a guy that realizes he ****ed up, that would love to once again look into his wife's beautiful eye's.


Sitm


----------

