# Why can't I move on



## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

For some reason I can't do the 180 and I can't give up hope. My head says its over but my heart won't let go. I know that 10 years is along time but just can't seem to do what I know I need to do. I can do it for a couple days and that is about it. It hurts... I am tired of this emotional roller coaster ride.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Are you still living together? I can tell you moving on has been a lot easier for me since I moved out. You have to get into a new routine; a new "normal". Also find new distractions or rediscover old ones. You can't just sit around waiting to move on ... It is something that requires proactive work


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Let there be hope.Hope is one thing that will all the more help you in doing 180.180 or moving on perhaps means coming out of the grief and taking life in a positive manner;This will include taking care of the self - mental,physical and emotional health;

What is the point of become a crying romeo or juliet wasting time;instead have hope but focus on yourself;See somethibg which is real will never fade away and which is not will reveal its course in time;

So take life a day at a time and keep only one goal of being happy;Do I make sense


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## jmb123 (Nov 9, 2012)

Also have you thought why are you sad?

Perhaps because you miss someone whom you consider to be your mate!

And why do we miss our mate or want a mate?
So that we are not alone and are happy in life!

So in the end ,we do anything(money,family etc) for happiness;So why kill your happiness overcrying for someone,when at the first place to be happy is the only goal of life?


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I never in a million years thought there would be a time where I did not feel like a team. I feel mad, angry, pissed that he is not fighting for us. I want my heart to listen to my head, and move on. I want to feel better!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> I never in a million years thought there would be a time where I did not feel like a team. I feel mad, angry, pissed that he is not fighting for us. I want my heart to listen to my head, and move on. I want to feel better!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Every damn thing you said... I feel very strongly today. :"(


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## our vision shattered (May 25, 2012)

We all feel that way, all of us men & women alike, you are in prayers(you too stella  ) keep talking & venting all you can, i am reading


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

lee101981 said:


> I never in a million years thought there would be a time where I did not feel like a team. I feel mad, angry, pissed that he is not fighting for us. I want my heart to listen to my head, and move on. I want to feel better!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I understand how you feel. It's really miserable. 

Even if your heart isn't doing what your head tells you it should, you can take care of yourself in a way that might help you to get better with or without him.

So, your h is gone and you are sitting in a room waiting for him. Everyone says, "quit sitting in the room; go out and get a new place; invite someone else into the room", but you only want your partner. So, even though it doesn't look like he's coming back, you stay put in that room and hope he will come back. Your head says, "get out of this room". Your heart says, "but he might come back, so stay". Well, you can't bring yourself to leave the room, as you have said. You can, however, choose how you spend your time in that room. You can sit there and stare out the window, knowing you won't see him because you're in Tokyo and he's in Moscow, and maybe that vigilance will pay off when you see him walk back to the building; chances are, though, that it will have built up too much pressure and ultimately dissatisfy you if/when it happens; and chances are that you'll be watching a whole lot of things and wasting away doing nothing but waiting. You could, also do other things while you wait in that room. Even Penelope took up an occupation while waiting for Odysseus to return -- weaving a tapestry and then unweaving it only to start all over again with the whole; it seems she might have been better served making new tapestries each time and maybe sold some or given others joy with them. Like her, you could do something else while you wait.

If you can't let go of hope, then, don't. But, if you sit there in your despair, you're neither going to bring him back by your sheer force of will, nor will you make him want to stay if he happens to come back for some reason and sees you there. So, if you want to keep your heart there for him, then do so...but leave him alone to do whatever he's up to and take care of yourself in the meantime. Learn your city, be the most amazing you that you can be. If he comes back, he will want to stay, then. 

Maybe I'm saying this as much to myself as to you. What I'm saying is, even if you can't move on, then move in place rather than petrifying there. You can't just give up and fall down. You may not be ready to move on. However, you can't sit there gripping your closed fists around a ghost and not moving at all in the hopes that it will materialize.

I don't know your whole story, so forgive me. However, I do think that the 180 will help. The 180 is not about giving someone the cold shoulder or playing hard to get. It's more about taking care of yourself while the other person is up to whatever shenanigans and saying that you care enough about yourself not to be jerked around. If you demonstrate confidence and liveliness, then your partner is more likely to want to be with you. If you ooze desperation, you're just shooting yourself in the foot.

Can't handle not talking to him? Write him letters and DON'T send them, but put them in envelopes in a locked box (give a friend the key so you can't get them and mail them in a moment of weakness); you'll still feel like you're expressing yourself to him and so that impulse will be handled. Can't bear the thought of your h being gone forever? Get through the day by imagining he's just out of town. Eventually, you'll be able to accept things and move on -- or else some other resolution will come up. At any rate, do your best not to stay petrified in one spot. Do your best to act as if everything is going to be fine, even if you can't believe it, because then you have a chance that it could be so.


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Moxy - very well said. 

Lee - I've come to the conclusion that some people just don't have the "fight" in them. Things get rough and they run. It's so much easier than working on any problems.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I don't know what to say, I try to stay busy not like I don't have two girls to take care of. I feel like I have lost a lot lately. H moved out in August .
Busted pipe on the house repaired about 8,000 thank God for insurance. The end of Sep I got laid off. Pulled the 4 year old out of day care so I have been stayin at home with her and doing a little helping out at the others school. I have never stayed home before , I am going carzy. I am getting unemployment but I want to go to work but everyone wants nights and weekends which I could do if h was here but he is not. I look at him and it is like I see a different person. I don't understand any of this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

When it rains it pours Lee. Trust me I've been through a few hurricanes this year when it comes to bad luck. Sometimes it feels like the almighty is playing whack a mole with me. I think by now he has the high score!

Hang in there! Things will turn around. Everyday there will a subtle change in how you feel and the pain will dull over time. Soon the future will look brighter then the past looks dim.


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## lee101981 (Sep 6, 2012)

I am so tired of being on this coaster of emotions. I sometimes just cant wait till I have had enough. Lastnight my 7 year old said mom why dont you call dad and tell him you love so he will come home. I had to sit down and tell her it is not that easy, That we are trying to work on somethings but it seems to me h has no intentions. But why wont he say it.


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## inamessIconfess (Apr 2, 2012)

The less I show my WW that I care for her and want her back, the more she wants back in. There is nothing like rejection to wake someone up. Hope is ok, but does H need to know about your hopes?

Stay strong, things WILL improve one way or the other and trust in the 180, it does work!

Cheers
J


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

I agree with that. I have not been able to give up hope but i have come to the conclusion the best path is to show her I have accepted her decision and work on actually accepting it 100% in the meantime. Now I intend to just work on myself. Whether that leads to better things with her, or better things elsewhere is not within my control but so long as it leads to better things I am trying not to worry about it too much.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

We spent so much mental energy trying to keep the relationship intact that we are too exhausted to keep ourselves intact. 

Missing them, hating them, loving them - it takes a lot of energy. 

But we know how to do it. It comes naturally.

Somehow, taking care of ourselves is not coming naturally. (Speaking for myself here.)


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

staystrong said:


> We spent so much mental energy trying to keep the relationship intact that we are too exhausted to keep ourselves intact.
> 
> Missing them, hating them, loving them - it takes a lot of energy.
> 
> ...


That's because we are taught, trained and programmed to believe that money and objects can buy happiness.

Fill your life with 'things'.

Associate yourself with a 'label'.

'Social status' is oh so important.


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