# I have a crush...and it's not on my husband



## LLL

Is that normal?? Do any of you ladies have this happen? I'm 26 (my husband is 25) and we've been married for 2 years...and all of a sudden I have a crush on the 30 yr old adorable man that is helping me train my horse in exchange for a video of a horse he's trying to sell. 

I don't know if maybe it's just the fact that my husband has NOTHING to do with horses, and this guy is AMAAAAZING with them (which is incredibly sexy to me)...so we have that in common, or if it's his chivalry-which you don't find much anymore. I'm VERY independent, but it's nice to have a guy take over and saddle my horse for me, and ride him first to make sure I'm not going to get bucked off. I find myself thinking about this guy all day long, and feeling guilty because the butterflies in my stomach are not for my husband right now. I've recently lost 35 pounds, and have tried to get my husband more active to loose some of the weight he has packed on as well (he's 6'2", and about 290#). He's a big teddy bear and I love how strong he is, but I don't find him "sexy" right now. I do...however find this horse trainer extremly sexy. I would NEVER EVER cheat on my husband...I've been cheated on before in a long-term relationship, and I would never want to inflict that pain on someone else. 

Just wanted to see what everyone's take was on this...is it normal to be this infactuated with someone that is not your husband???? HELP!!


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## hubbyhere

I don't think there is anything wrong with being attracted to someone else, but how far will you let it go? I would sit down and have a talk with your husband about wanting him to start to work out and be healthy ( you could always work out together) and see where that goes.


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## CLucas976

Cosmo says its normal. in paraphrasing they stated

it brings back the sexy single feeling that attracted your partner in the first place.

its up to you what you do with it.

I've also read that your brain lights up in happy spots depending on certain traits and features in a person that it has labeled as likes for whatever reasons and experiences, so its ignorant to think that no one on the face of the earth will ever make you happy or cause that feeling other than your significant other.

I've had crushes, I've even let people hit on me because it felt good. Never cheated, Never pursued or let it go any farther.

So I wouldn't freak or fret over a crush.


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## Crypsys

LLL said:


> Just wanted to see what everyone's take was on this...is it normal to be this infactuated with someone that is not your husband???? HELP!!


Depends, if you find yourself thinking about this guy a lot and seriously fantasizing a lot about him, you may want to find another trainer. I may find other women cute or attractive, but I can say I've never had a crush on anyone since I've been married (that could just be me though). If your finding yourself really smitten by him, for the sake of your marriage, I would think of finding another trainer.

For an example I can drink 1 or 2 beers and shut it off and not drink anymore. Others, once they have had a few beers don't always know when to stop. Some people can have short quick "crushes" and just stop. For others, it becomes consuming and they don't know when to stop before it gets too late...


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## lbell629

I would agree with Crypsys to find another trainer and talk to your husband about things you can do together to lose weight and get him back to being attractive to you. And tell your husband how you would like for him to be more involved with you and horses or find a good girlfriend that you can talk to about the horses.


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## Susan2010

Is the premise here that you would not have a crush on this guy if your husband had already lost weight?


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## 2Daughters

I WOULD NEVER EVER CHEAT ON HIM/HER...The greatest myth in relationships.


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## Gman

Recognizing and acknowledging that someone is attractive is one thing... entertaining thoughts of a tryst or something like that is quite another. Playing with some fire, here.
Gman


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## michzz

Get a cat, lose the horse and trainer.


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## Gman

Golden retrievers are nice.


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## Blanca

LLL said:


> is it normal to be this infactuated with someone that is not your husband???? HELP!!


I think its pretty normal. Im 28 and a guy i work with has so much in common with me. i really look forward to going to work now! we have all the same interests. Just because you're married doesnt mean you're not still a women. Of course its fun and butterflies meeting an attractive guy that you get along with. Just remember to bring yourself back to reality. the guy you're infatuated with has issues, too. you just dont know what they are yet. Enjoy what you have in common but dont make him out to be your fantasy just because you're unhappy with your H at the moment. This guy you are interested in has issues just as detrimental as your H.


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## El Guapo

All men are chivalrous when they are trying to charm their way into your pants.


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## sisters359

You are married, not dead! 

But, allowing an intimate relationship to develop, knowing how attracted you are, would be dangerous and inappropriate. Can you keep the relationship completely professional? If not, get out now b/c you are threatening your marriage.

Start reclaiming your professional relationship by saddling and riding your horse as you would normally do. Yeah, it was nice he did it, but you are capable and letting yourself be influenced by his attractiveness. You would recognize the professionalism of the effort to saddle and ride first by a less attractive man, but I bet you wouldn't be calling it chivalry and getting butterflies from it. It's just what he sees as part of his job. You do not need him to do that, so stop acting like a damsel in distress to his knight in armor. That'll get you back on the road to treating him solely as a business partner (he trains, you film). If you cannot, then be very self-reflective about what you are doing and why. The fact that your husband is not currently sexually attractive to you means you are already vulnerable. You need to tell your h that--if he is obese (20% over his ideal weight), then of course he's not attractive and he needs to get back to a healthier weight range. It will be hard to tell him you aren't attracted to him sexually, but he deserves to know what the real situation is. IF he does not take you seriously, your anger will grow in proportion to your attraction to someone else, and your marriage will be threatened.


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## okeydokie

yeah, he is interested in riding something other than horses. and he either sees or strongly senses your on your way to reciprocating. 

you seem to justify your feeings by telling us all that your husband is overweight. you have not told us that you are perfect in everyway, body - mind- and spirit. but that doesnt matter. in a marriage you work on your issues together, you dont run off to find something better, right ladies?


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## Atholk

It's simple to say, but difficult to do...

You need to tell your husband what is going on with you emotionally because you're obviously having an emotional affair with this guy - if only from your side of the relationship.

And yes Mr. Horsey is trying to get into your pants.


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## El Guapo

I hope there isn't a thread started in six months by a guy talking about his suspicion that his wife is falling for her horse trainer. 

"I get the feeling that she has a thing for him, but she denies it"

"She says they are just friends"

"She says that she would never cheat on me"

You're half way there right now, LLL. All it will take is a fight with your husband or something like that and you are vulnerable. If you go much further you will enter that "fog" that people talk about where you will start doing things you normally wouldn't do and won't know why. A lot of women (and men too) enter this period of mid-life crisis and boredom with their marriages and spouses and it makes them get real stupid and risk everything.


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## Atholk

Well why else would a guy become a horse trainer anyway?


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## dsfg_lover_001

I understand how you feel.You are still young,maybe you are just attracted to the guy in some way without knowing him very well.That`s normal to attract to people in the world beside your husband,but you should knowing that if you still in love with your husband.Communicate with your husband to get the feeling back,right now you prob just didnt spend enough time with him.
Well thanks for sharing.


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## CoffeeBuzz

Atholk said:


> Well why else would a guy become a horse trainer anyway?




Maybe he's good at it!


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## CoffeeBuzz

I get crushes all the time on celebrities and recently on someone I met on a forum that lives on the other side of the world to me.

I don't know if it's normal or just cos I am unhappy in my marriage.

I do love my husband but we have become more "friends" and have no sexual spark.


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## Peyton's mom

It is fairly common to have a crush on your horse trainer. I've been showing horses for years and always have a crush on the trainer. We travel together, have stayed in the same house together for up to 3 weeks at a time, talk on the phone and text daily and are just really good friends. He's not trying to get into my pants and I'm not trying to get into his. We are both happily married and I happen to think he's incredibly hot. I think Mark Harmon is hot, too, but I'm not going to quit watching NCIS


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## hkim

hmmm.. there's no wrong to be attracted with other man but be very careful not to fall in love with that guy. If you are attracted to other guy there's a get problem along the way: you might not notice it but your feeling is changing toward that person is growing and it is my fear that it your love to your husband will slightly diminished. Hope it will not.


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## F-102

LLL, if you don't want to wind up on the "Going through divorce" section here, drop that Horse Whisperer like a greased bowling ball. You are already showing signs of the good guy/bad guy fog.


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## Conrad

Atholk said:


> It's simple to say, but difficult to do...
> 
> You need to tell your husband what is going on with you emotionally because you're obviously having an emotional affair with this guy - if only from your side of the relationship.
> 
> And yes Mr. Horsey is trying to get into your pants.


Well said.

Undoubtedly true.


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## Amberwaves

Sounds like your best bet is to get another horse trainer. It's not worth the risk with this one. You can trust yourself, but can you trust him with you? When the crush is mutual, that's when the sparks fly, then you could lose.


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## F-102

She must get rid of the horse guy. The more she sees him, the more he's going to look like the "better deal", and the more her H is going to look like "the jerk that's ruining my life and keeping me from true happiness", i.e., the good guy/bad guy fog. Then she will convince herself to leave her H for horse guy (this infatuation was based on a mutual love of horses, nothing more, it seems), and horse guy will eventually not look so good himself, particularly when his job brings him in contact with a string of other women who are also in a vulnerable state, and she will start wondering why she left H in the first place, but by then-too late!


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## careful

LLL; Make no mistake...your husband is already sensing your crush. Even though you would "never cheat", and the damage to your marriage has begun.


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## Mrs.G

2Daughters said:


> I WOULD NEVER EVER CHEAT ON HIM/HER...The greatest myth in relationships.


Why does it have to be a myth? I have seen nothing but infidelity in my immediate and extended family of origin. I don't have the stomach or the patience for it, after all that dishonesty.
Some people really don't want to cheat, because they see the pain it causes.


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## Mrs.G

El Guapo said:


> All men are chivalrous when they are trying to charm their way into your pants.


I tend to agree with this.
Nothing is wrong with having a crush on another man, as long as the feelings are not acted on. The OP is married, not dead.
I have a huge crush on a celebrity and I have also noticed attractive men at work. While I ride the subway, sexy guys try to pick me up all the time.  It's flattering, but I take that energy and let my husband reap the benefits.

It doesn't matter where you get your appetite, AS LONG AS YOU EAT AT HOME! :smthumbup:


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## MsLonely

LLL said:


> Is that normal?? Do any of you ladies have this happen? I'm 26 (my husband is 25) and we've been married for 2 years...and all of a sudden I have a crush on the 30 yr old adorable man that is helping me train my horse in exchange for a video of a horse he's trying to sell.
> 
> I don't know if maybe it's just the fact that my husband has NOTHING to do with horses, and this guy is AMAAAAZING with them (which is incredibly sexy to me)...so we have that in common, or if it's his chivalry-which you don't find much anymore. I'm VERY independent, but it's nice to have a guy take over and saddle my horse for me, and ride him first to make sure I'm not going to get bucked off. I find myself thinking about this guy all day long, and feeling guilty because the butterflies in my stomach are not for my husband right now. I've recently lost 35 pounds, and have tried to get my husband more active to loose some of the weight he has packed on as well (he's 6'2", and about 290#). He's a big teddy bear and I love how strong he is, but I don't find him "sexy" right now. I do...however find this horse trainer extremly sexy. I would NEVER EVER cheat on my husband...I've been cheated on before in a long-term relationship, and I would never want to inflict that pain on someone else.
> 
> Just wanted to see what everyone's take was on this...is it normal to be this infactuated with someone that is not your husband???? HELP!!


Hi LLL,

You can be rational but you can't lie to your feelings. 

When it's a crush, it's a crush. There's no way to force yourself to get away from that crush. 

You can try to cut off contact with that trainer, but it's very hard for you to remove that crush from your heart.

Withdrawing your passion from where it started is a very tough, yet, almost impossible task... for you can't lie to your heart, telling it that you don't need him and you don't want him, your heart knows very well what it wants.

2 suggestions for you: 

1. Tell your husband to lose weights and tell him that he must work on regaining his charms for you.

2. Ask constant sex from your husband, he should give you orgasms 5 times per round, I recommend.

When you're totally satisfied by your husband, you would feel you don't have any sexual needs for that guy. You will still think of him but the feelings for him will be weakened.


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## tattoomommy

El Guapo said:


> All men are chivalrous when they are trying to charm their way into your pants.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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