# Fantasy's in marriage and sex



## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

My marriage was on the brink of disaster until I came up with a small plan yesterday.

I decided to put in writing what I would like to indulge in with regards to sex in our relationship. Which will make me want to give her more attention which will make her happy.

Here are some of the things I wanted:

* I want her to dress up in nurses uniforms, lingerie etc
* I want to film us having sex.
* I want her to indulge in my sex positions rather then just her same boring (her on top) position.

One thing I said to her is I would love to have a threesome with her and another really hot girl. 
She then said, "I don't have an issue with that, I've kissed girls before, who do you want to do it with, anyone in mind"

I kept stressing that it's only a fantasy and I wouldn't really want to do it in case it screwed us up. She said "Im up for it"

BUT, she said "I want to tell you my fantasy"

I want to have another sex partner other then you, every once in a while.

I told her "Absolutely NO WAY" as she did this once before and it nearly ended us. 

I then said to her, "Would you like me to go and start having sex with other women, let's start with the neighbour" 
She said "No"
I replied "Their you go, its a one on one thing that I can't deal with nor can you, so I don't think we should go down that path"

Has anyone experienced any of the above?
Any advice or opinions would be helpful here.
Any swingers in the house can offer advice here?


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

She's not happy with you sexually.

That's at a bare minimum.

Max, she already knows who she wants to cheat on you with.

I have thoughts about other men but when I examine them, it is about what I feel I'm not getting in my marriage. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what those things are -- some are about sexual acts, but some have to do with intellectual things.

AND YET I know he's a wonderful, loving person. If I acted on these things, I'd destroy us without figuring out what I'm not doing for us. It isn't his job to make me happy. Afterall, he provides more than the minimum. He's a loving, affectionate, consistent man. So this is about me. There's something missing in me.

My guess : Fear of intimacy. Fear of being as close as you are. 

I also think this is a cry to be more adventurous sexually.


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

dobo said:


> She's not happy with you sexually.
> 
> That's at a bare minimum.
> 
> ...


Hmmm, possibly but every time i've ever wanted sex my way I always get greeted with "Oh do I have to!"
Sex has always been the way she wanted, and when she wanted. 
She told me who she'd like to screw last night.

Sex nearly every night, do you think she's an unhappy woman? I don't think so. 

I think she needs help, I can't please her any more then that.
She agrees that she needs help as well cause I go beyond the call of duty to make her happy TRUST ME.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

LOL my wife and I had about this exact same conversation.

She was down for a threesome if she could do her old freind she just met back up with.

You have started the most important conversation in your entire marriage in my opinion. Say and do the wrong thing and you will wind up in divorce, say and do the right thing and your marriage will be 10x better.

Did you ask her if this friend of hersknows she wants him?


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Gomez said:


> LOL my wife and I had about this exact same conversation.
> 
> She was down for a threesome if she could do her old freind she just met back up with.
> 
> ...


She texted him, of course he knows she wants him, I told him the other day "Thanks for not entertaining my wifes advance" he said "No problem man"
He did not even reply to her texts, I know this for a fact. 

I just had a convo with the mrs then on the phone and hit her straight again, "So do you still want to screw XXX" she said 
"Maybe, i do, maybe I don't" in a coy tone.

I said to her "You know I don't want this and you are f**King with my head so I'm going to screw with your head"

I told her "I am madly infatuated with XX" 
XX just happens to be a good friend of hers, she said 
"Ok i get the message, I see how it can screw with your head, do you really want to screw her"
I said "Absolutely" 

We agreed right ther and then that she is to stop the business of wanting a different sex partner.


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## martino (May 12, 2008)

*This all sounds like the beginning of the end. *

______________________________________________________



mrnice said:


> She texted him, of course he knows she wants him, I told him the other day "Thanks for not entertaining my wifes advance" he said "No problem man"
> He did not even reply to her texts, I know this for a fact.
> 
> I just had a convo with the mrs then on the phone and hit her straight again, "So do you still want to screw XXX" she said
> ...


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Well you guys are at a cross road right now.


I would go with the Role playing, photo shoots, and home movies. I think that will be good for both of you, you're both looking to spice it up.

threesome other partners is a BAD idea for you both.

My wife and I go to a swingers club a few times, we do not swap or play with anyone else. We just like watching others, being watch and the atmosphere. This may work for you both.

I would not bring anyone else into your marriage, it will spell doom for you both, but you can certainly role play that you are other people.

My wife is a tease as well, but Bradd Pitt is not knocking on our door anytime soon.


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## nightshade (Mar 4, 2009)

martino said:


> *This all sounds like the beginning of the end. *
> 
> ______________________________________________________


Totally agree. You're both using the idea of sex with someone else against each other. 

Whether she gets another occasional parter or you have a threesome I think either will end in the same disastrous result. You aren't both suddenly going to become totally fulfilled by looking outside of the marriage... you need to be that before you look into others.

Will she not do what you want unless she gets to be with someone else?


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## NothingMan (Jul 16, 2009)

Well, if it truly is the beginning of the end with no hope of it not ending...I think you should take her up on her offer of a three-way. I mean really, how many times in your life (not counting paid for encounters) will you have this opportunity? probably never. And even less of a chance of it ending well. So if it HAS to be over...end it in style.

Or here is another idea. Perhaps you should get the ok of a three-way..and bring in another guy of YOUR choosing. That should surprise the **** out of her. Then next time she picks a girl. But never more then once with the same partner and preferably strangers..with the stipulation of no further contact with any of them.

Or, forget the whole idea entirely. Your call.




John


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

nightshade said:


> Totally agree. You're both using the idea of sex with someone else against each other.
> 
> Whether she gets another occasional parter or you have a threesome I think either will end in the same disastrous result. You aren't both suddenly going to become totally fulfilled by looking outside of the marriage... you need to be that before you look into others.
> 
> Will she not do what you want unless she gets to be with someone else?


We have discussed at length over the last few days, and she agrees that sex with XX for her is just that, SEX, she does not want a relationship with the guy and she agrees that XX can not offer what I can. 

We have both agreed that talking about other sex partners is seriously damaging, and it's probably just a bored with sex in marriage thing that we have both thought about.

Our sex has gone from same old boring her on top position to me slamming her on the office table, she is orgasming 4 or 5 times during sex now and is LOVING IT, to be honest with you my member is getting sore from me slamming her so hard, I'm enjoying more and she says she just wants more.

Maybe this could be what she was looking for. 

who knows.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

Its a great thing that you are talking about what you want from sex now. You are both listening to each other and trying new things and that will rekindle the infatuation with each other like when you first got together.

In my opinion there is no such thing as just sex. Did you give any thought to how you would feel about it the next day, or the next time you all bumped into each other again? Its good you talked about it and got past that hurdle. I think all married people want to see what the yard is like on the other side of the fence, but if you really think about it, it cant really be that much different.

I dont know how many partners you had, but I found that sex is only as good as the bond between the two people doing it. No bond equals crappy sex, and nothing weakens a bond like wondering how attracted your partner is to someone else. Remember sex only lasts a few hours at best, but you have to live with what you did the rest of your life, and I dont want to live with having shared my wife with anyone else.


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

NothingMan said:


> Well, if it truly is the beginning of the end with no hope of it not ending...I think you should take her up on her offer of a three-way. I mean really, how many times in your life (not counting paid for encounters) will you have this opportunity? probably never. And even less of a chance of it ending well. So if it HAS to be over...end it in style.
> 
> Or here is another idea. Perhaps you should get the ok of a three-way..and bring in another guy of YOUR choosing. That should surprise the **** out of her. Then next time she picks a girl. But never more then once with the same partner and preferably strangers..with the stipulation of no further contact with any of them.
> 
> ...



You know what I think I'd rather be dead then have another guy in on sex with me and the wife. 
Their is absolutely no way I could ever do this. 
I couldn't even do it with the boys when I played professional sport, you know the full on gang bang things. 
I just have a lot more respect for women then to gang them.
Just couldn't get my head around the whole put your dic* where another guys has been etc etc.


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## deejay (Aug 14, 2009)

mrnice said:


> My marriage was on the brink of disaster until I came up with a small plan yesterday.
> 
> I decided to put in writing what I would like to indulge in with regards to sex in our relationship. Which will make me want to give her more attention which will make her happy.
> 
> ...


 Alrighty ...good luck with that ''disaster'' relief plan.:lol:


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

deejay said:


> Alrighty ...good luck with that ''disaster'' relief plan.:lol:


Should call me the RED CROSS hey.


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## MissLadyGray (Sep 1, 2009)

My boyfriend and I have a threesome relationship with someone we both trust, and who is single herself. It continued about 6 months and was great. We had ground rules, and one day they were broken.

Leads down a very dangerous path. Would I recommend them? The acts are very satisfying, however the repercussions of letting things get too informal, leads to a very painful situation. I would recommend someone once a year to spice things up. 

But if the interactions are not talked about, ground rules set and agreed upon, or if you are having major sexual issues with each other. NO WAY - it would be like having a child to save a marriage. It just ends badly. If you don't have a strong relationship in the sex dept. DO NOT EVEN CONSIDER BRANCHING OUT INTO A THREESOME.

Hope this helps.


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## pollyanne (Sep 21, 2009)

My husband tried to put his fantasy into reality (read my other post)
and it has wrecked our marriage as far as i am concerned! A marriage is about two people and the intimacy between them- not all and sundry! dont risk a nights decadence for a divorce! beleive me its not worth the hurt and the angst!


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## 20yrs (Sep 18, 2009)

GAsoccerman said:


> My wife is a tease as well, but Bradd Pitt is not knocking on our door anytime soon.


:smthumbup:


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