# Facebook arguments....



## Lorbeth (Feb 9, 2009)

I am 27, and I have joined the millions of getting on facebook, so I can connect with old friends and my family. I am pregnant, so I feel like it is a good way to keep everyone updated with me, and stay updated with everyone.....However, my husband of 2 years feels it is weird and acts like he doesn't trust me on there...this has accounted for a few heated arguments...I don't think I need to get off of there because it is something I enjoy and it is TOTALLY innocent....I just need some more opinions on this.....


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## T-Dub (Feb 2, 2009)

I think your husband should take it for what its worth. I don't see any problems with it.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Yeh. I used to hate my wife using it all the time.

Got used to it now. One tip - tell him what you're doing all the time and involve him. My wife used to do this and I felt better aqbout it.


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## TGolbus (Nov 3, 2008)

My wife used to do it...and in an unhealthy way. Look at the way you do it. It is EASY to get caught up and spend a lot of time there. Don't make him compete for it.
Also don't make it a seceret. He should know the password. You should be able to be online when he is around/over your shoulder. Don't close it down as he walks towards you....

don't connect with old flames, or lots of people of the other sex..


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## been through it all 2008 (Feb 9, 2009)

I feel you should respect your husband and do as he asks you to do. For some reason he has a problem with it. Is there any reason you can think of as to why he has a problem with it? Can you e-mail all those to inform them on updates about you?


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

I see FB and MySpace as both a blessing and a curse. The affair my DH had a few years back were the direct result of reconnecting with "old friends" on MS. We're over that hill now, and have a single, family account that we both have access to.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

Well My wife and I are both big time users of facebook.

We have connected with old old friends, people we have not seen in 20 something years.

My first crushes, my wife's first sweethearts. Etc. Family, friends, co-workers, etc.

I ahve posted pictures from when I was a child all the way up to my family now with kids, A ton of pics from old High school days with good friends.

The nice thing about facebook, is you can only go on as yourself, and you can set it up so you only "approve" of people you already know and want to talk to.

When someone posts something on your wall, everyone you know can see it and read it. While you can send private messages, few people do.

I see it as a great way to get in touch with people who are or were in your life at one time. 

A old female riend contacted me, she asked if I remebered her, I said sure, how could I ever forget my first grade crush, she was estatic, we talked about old times, old friends people we both know, she has three kids, divorced looking for a new hubby, I am married, three kids, Told her I will kidnap a georgia boy and ship him up north to her, she thought that was funny. We talk about our kids and our lives. etc

My wife does the same with old friends, her birthday was yesterday, hundreds of messages left for her....she loved it.

If you get jealous of your wife or hubby on facebook well you may want to check yourself, becuase that means you are the insecure one and your jealous.

I posted pics of my deceased brother, my sister in was in tears and some old friends that knew him LOVED the old pics and the great times....

Don't let Jealousy ruin facebook for you, get involved, become friends with your spouses friends, post on their wall, etc

it's just enjoy facebook, it's just fun....don't let your jealousy run and ruin your life,


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

I must admit I agree with GA here. You do need to trust your partner.

Admitedly, I used to have a problem with it but if you hassle your partner about it they're jut going to get resentful.


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## onlylonelyone (Jan 26, 2009)

I think it boils down to trust. I use ms & fb. Mostly because it is nice to see pics and talk to my family w/out having outrageous long distance phone bills. My Mom is in her 60's and has a ms account for that very reason and she has a lot of fun on it. You can make it as private as you like, hide your pictures and comments from anyone who you have not made your friend. I don't get the big deal. Fb and Ms doesn't make a person cheat and I think everyone knows that. Maybe you could sit down with him and make a joint space and show him how to use it. Or help him make his own. Alot of this may come from him not understanding how it works. I can say if it bothered my husband I would just stick to emails as suggested above, but thats just me. It certainly doesn't mean you should. You have to pick your fights in your own marriage and facebook isn't worth an argument to me.


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## Junebug (Dec 7, 2008)

My H has major jealousy issues and FB is just another way for him to show it. Part of the problem with us is that we have very, very different personalities. I am very outgoing and social, and he is very introverted and anti-social, so he just doesn't get why I enjoy my time on FB. I don't think it's fair to ask someone to stop using it- my husband spends his downtime watching TV, I spend mine playing stupid online games like scrabble with others... catching up, seeing what people's kids are doing, what others are doing. What's the difference. To me it's his issue- he has a problem with jealousy and anything that takes my attention away from him. I can understand if spending time on FB was an obsessive problem or something was being hidden. But for us, my laptop is in the living room, I'm right out in the open, nothing going on. So why should I be punished for his insecurities?? To me it's his problem, he needs to deal with it. I am totally transparent on facebook- there is nothing to worry about. The funny thing is now that he has an iphone and he is on the internet all night at home, he started using his fb account and hasn't bugged me about it for a long time. I guess he found something to turn his attention to. I watch 1 hour of TV a week... so I think I get to spend my downtime doing what I want. If I'm not burried in scrapbooking I just might be on FB. I think he just needs to deal with it.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

full stop i think facebook is a bad idea.


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## onlylonelyone (Jan 26, 2009)

Junebug said:


> My H has major jealousy issues and FB is just another way for him to show it. Part of the problem with us is that we have very, very different personalities. I am very outgoing and social, and he is very introverted and anti-social, so he just doesn't get why I enjoy my time on FB. I don't think it's fair to ask someone to stop using it- my husband spends his downtime watching TV, I spend mine playing stupid online games like scrabble with others... catching up, seeing what people's kids are doing, what others are doing. What's the difference. To me it's his issue- he has a problem with jealousy and anything that takes my attention away from him. I can understand if spending time on FB was an obsessive problem or something was being hidden. But for us, my laptop is in the living room, I'm right out in the open, nothing going on. So why should I be punished for his insecurities?? To me it's his problem, he needs to deal with it. I am totally transparent on facebook- there is nothing to worry about. The funny thing is now that he has an iphone and he is on the internet all night at home, he started using his fb account and hasn't bugged me about it for a long time. I guess he found something to turn his attention to. I watch 1 hour of TV a week... so I think I get to spend my downtime doing what I want. If I'm not burried in scrapbooking I just might be on FB. I think he just needs to deal with it.


Thats a really good point. My husband used too say you spend to much time on the computer. I asked him to turn off the tv and I would turn off the computer. That lasted all of about 3 days, lol....Sometimes you got to just turn everything off and spend quality time together.


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

Everything in moderation. Myspace and Facebook can consume you. But if you are good about managing your time on there, then why not? And do let him in on it. I just resurfaced my facebook account and H is connecting with people through my account! I have my web browser save my password so he can log in anytime he wishes. Same with my myspace. He knows how to get into mine, and I know how to get into his. We trust each other on those sites. 

It's all about trust, whether it be a social networking site, a forum, or a chat room. All of them are ways to connect with other people, just built a little different. So it's really all about trust with the H, and moderation on your part.


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## humpty dumpty (Nov 26, 2008)

it is a trust issue , i dont think its a issue unless people become so ingross with it that it stops them acting as man and wife, mt husband knows all my log in details etc and i know his . in fact he talks to my friends all the time its just not a issue


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

I used to know my wifes facebook password but got a bit obsessed with checking up on her. Ended up accusing her over lots of silly things.... Used to make me even more insecure than I am now.

So, we agreed that she should change it which was probably for the best. Not sure if its fair for a partner to insist on knowing the password.

Surely, partner has a right to some privacy. Obviously, as long as the line isnt crossed of course but thats a trust issue, isnt it?


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## Justawife (Aug 14, 2009)

Are you on it to keep in touch or to feel special...
These pages have become more of a Social way to met people...you can tell yourself what ever you want...if the people in your life is so special, why do you need the FB or MS to keep in touch..whats wrong with a email with attached photos?

You like the attention you are getting from it and from new connections...Been thier and done that....Don't want to go back!


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## Rhea (May 16, 2009)

Justawife said:


> Are you on it to keep in touch or to feel special...
> These pages have become more of a Social way to met people...you can tell yourself what ever you want...if the people in your life is so special, why do you need the FB or MS to keep in touch..whats wrong with a email with attached photos?
> 
> You like the attention you are getting from it and from new connections...Been thier and done that....Don't want to go back!


I think this all depends on whether you're on there connecting w/random people or peolpe you know. I have 260+ contacts on mine and I think there's maybe 5 I haven't met in person at one time in my life be it school (HS, middle, elem, College) or work, or through friends, I also have family etc on there.

If you're getting on there to meet randoms then you're doing it to feel special. If you're on there connecting w/old friends then it's purely social.

Make sure your intent is clear. If he wants the password give it to him. If you don't want to then just make it an open book.


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## jivey (Jun 18, 2009)

My wife hooked up with some ex-lovers and never told me she even had face book.
But did her usual thing and lied and said, she told me.


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

Junebug said:


> My H has major jealousy issues and FB is just another way for him to show it. Part of the problem with us is that we have very, very different personalities. I am very outgoing and social, and he is very introverted and anti-social, so he just doesn't get why I enjoy my time on FB. I don't think it's fair to ask someone to stop using it- .



:lol: You have describe my marriage to the T. My H knows all my passwords and has his own FB account, but funny enough he does not goes on his account but logs on mine almost daily, same with email. He checks what I do and whom I am connecting with. But I have 71 friends, 18 are family members and common friends including him and our daughters, 5 are my daughters friends that requested my frienship and the rest are my HS classmates that have connected to me, we are about to celebrate 25 years Reunion and the communication is coming almost daily. Most of our family and all of my classmate live in another country, 500 miles away FB has been a blessing for communication and keeping in touch without using any money, but he still has a problem.




Junebug said:


> To me it's his issue- he has a problem with jealousy and anything that takes my attention away from him. I can understand if spending time on FB was an obsessive problem or something was being hidden. But for us, my laptop is in the living room, I'm right out in the open, nothing going on. So why should I be punished for his insecurities?? To me it's his problem, he needs to deal with it. I am totally transparent on facebook- there is nothing to worry about.
> 
> I think I get to spend my downtime doing what I want.


:iagree: with this statement, my H spends his downtime with his business or just searching the internet for something to do with the business, or checking my emails and FB to make sure I am not cheating on him, but I cannot spend my time watching TV or doing FB I have to sit there and watch him do his business since I am not good enough for suggesting and helping with his business.:scratchhead:

My point is if your are open give him your passwords or better yet have him come sit with you and keep the update going at the same time. But I do not belive that it should be a case for big arguments. Just my opinion. It is his problem and insecurities and as long as you are not doing anything wrong then it is OK.


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## They Call Me Smooth (May 5, 2009)

My wife cheated on me with MySpace so I know what can happen and where you husband is coming from.

With that said, really what is more important to you. Your marriage or facebook? Sure it's easy to keep in touch with old friends using facebook but it's not like you can't email them photos and whats new. Hell start your own family web site and give them the address.

Sorry but when it comes down to it why would you even take the chance. Just give facebook up. Thats my opinion anyways.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

Ironic, that's what my wife calls it as well "downtime", but it is rude to be on Facebook when your spouse gets home from work. It is jealousy perhaps, but not of other people, only in that we are loosing time that ought to be ours as a couple, and for what to "connect" with someone you sat next to in science class in 8th grade...not quite a fair exchange. From my standpoint, it's not so much a trust issue, but a time issue. Facebook you are a time thief and forgive me for saying so, but you stink!!


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## Heidiw (Jul 2, 2009)

My facebook acct was private but I had 37 friends on mine. Mostly from work, graduate students from the dept I work in, & old high school friends. About 5 were guys which I never spoke to except when they posted to everyone's wall something exciting. My facebook acct was never hidden from my stbex & he knew my passwords. Majority of the time I was not on the site except during important events like graduation or final tests. I was the cheerleader for the students. I also talked about life on there.

My stbex never wanted to be my friend but made sure I never had access to his account on Facebook. Of course I later found out that he was in a relationship with another woman in another country & he is engaged to be married as well. It doesn't help that he tried to off me not too long ago.


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## unforgiveable (Aug 17, 2009)

I believe Facebook can be very beneficial in helping friends and family stay in touch these days, but I agree you must have him involved and maybe set him up with his own page so he can experience first hand what you are doing.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Choose a time and time limit you think is reasonable for you to be online, then stick to it. He is being controlling and if you give up entirely on this now, what else will he demand? I agree that sharing passwords, etc., is a good move so he knows you aren't hiding anything.


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## Flutterby (Aug 6, 2009)

Wow - rules rules rules.
Facebook isn't causing infidelity. It's not different than emailing or meeting up with people in the grocery store.

As for checking up on someone by insisting that you be able to log into their account? I think that's ludicrous. It's like opening someone's mail or reading their journal. People NEED friends that they can talk to about things. I like to vent to my best friend about the problems in my marriage - if I didn't have her, I would have been done a LONG time ago with my marriage. If my husband had ever seen or heard my complaints, he would have left long ago.

People need friends... their spouses should not consume their lives. Facebook can be addicting, sure. But if someone is spending too much time on there, it's because it's more interesting than NOT spending the time on there. Do something for your spouse that will encourage him/her to get off the computer, don't just complain about it.


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## Justawife (Aug 14, 2009)

Flutterby said:


> Wow - rules rules rules.
> Facebook isn't causing infidelity. It's not different than emailing or meeting up with people in the grocery store.
> 
> As for checking up on someone by insisting that you be able to log into their account? I think that's ludicrous. It's like opening someone's mail or reading their journal. People NEED friends that they can talk to about things. I like to vent to my best friend about the problems in my marriage - if I didn't have her, I would have been done a LONG time ago with my marriage. If my husband had ever seen or heard my complaints, he would have left long ago.
> ...


BRAVO......My H did just that, I never even went on line this weekend...not even once...and trust me thats a big thing for me...

I enjoy the contact with people on here...(net) and I got sucked into the OMG your so in touch with my feelings and no-one else is..that I was LOST for a long time..almost a year...My H, held my handand helped me out, and if you think I'm only talking DRAMA...then your in denile...The My Space / Facebook...will suck you in and spit you out! If your that into keepng the web sites open, even when someone ask you not to...well then your in it for the life of flirting and secrets...plan and simple...those who say it's nothing as long as you let the other person know what your doing...have never been thier either...look around here...I'm not the only one who was f-ed up over the internet...and I wont be the last...In my gut, I feel your on your way, and no one will be able to stop it, but YOU! Good luck!!!!:cat:


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Mine is so lost in FB its sick.. She is on 20 hours a day on the weekend and it is on from the moment she comes home till bed. Now she might be doing other things at times but its always up.. She plays those stupid games. She is reconnecting with HS people. Now my wife would rather lose herself in FB then have real life friends. My whole problem with it is when it goes past the point of "social" to damaging. My had an EA with sex texting and she claims it was only a way to make her feel wanted.. She said she never would have met the person and never talked on phone. It was a stupid thing to do.. Since I approached her she has stopped and I had her text him about not contacting her again. Since then nothing has happened since I can see the phone numbers through our cell phone company. We have a family plan.. Still once that trust is broken it makes FB harder to trust.


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