# Need help asap



## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Guys, wife said she ended EA with OM. Went to canceling and she really acts like she is going to try and fix things. VAR in car catches her talking to sister and she is still in contact with OM and has no feelings for me and planning on leaving. Basically saying they have a long term plan to see each other in secret because he can't afford to deal with that going public. What do I do?


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## dusty4 (May 8, 2013)

Then there is nothing to work out with this "woman". Beat her to the punch. File for divorce without her knowing. Use the VAR to prove that you can file under the grounds of infidelity. Doesn't really mean anything, just gives you a reason to file, as if you really needed one.

Be ahead of her in the curve. Contact a bulldog of an attorney now. Take the tape.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

So sorry you are in this position. Now you know her true intentions I would expose them and present her with divorce papers. Time to cut your loses and move on.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

What's should my plan of action be though. Do I go home and see if she will admit it? Do I tell the OM wife before calling his punk ass out? We have a 2 year old son. I was dead set on R but you guys were right. I'm a dumb ass. Do I ask her to move out?


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

And help the OM by letting the "deal" go public. Lol! 

Sorry you are here.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> Guys, wife said she ended EA with OM. Went to canceling and she really acts like she is going to try and fix things. VAR in car catches her talking to sister and she is still in contact with OM and has no feelings for me and planning on leaving. Basically saying they have a long term plan to see each other in secret because *he can't afford to deal with that going public.* What do I do?


Oh really?

Blow up this affair to his people/wife/friends. 

That little tidbit is your lottery ticket, whether it works out with your wife or not. 

I wouldn't let on that you know just yet (to her). And don't tell her when you expose. At all. Do not give her any warning (or him) for maximum results. But definitely expose the affair on his side, sit back, grab a beer, and watch the party streamers start flying.


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

Send a copy of the recording to his wife. Your wife said she (the other guy's wife) had cheated on him but who really knows. If she is a cheater she'll know what to do, cheaters don't like to be cheated on.

Also, you said you were tight with your sister-in-law, apparently you're not as close as you thought. Do not confide in her any longer and certainly do not trust anything she tells you.

As for the rest, the 180, lawyers, finances, etc. other posters would have better suggestions than I would. My only take would be to weed through them and take what best suits your situation, personality and emotions. 

Seasalt


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> Do I go home and see if she will admit it? Do I tell the OM wife before calling his punk ass out?


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
DO NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT tell OM you are about to tell his wife.

DO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT tell your wife what you are about to do either.

DO NOT let your wif eknow at alllllll....don't let either of them know if you want this work!!! 

Read the siggies in my signature.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

From another thread..




Jellybeans said:


> Neal, this is copy/pasted from another thread that I wrote in, but here's how it goes down when you expose:
> 
> _Here's the thing about exposure: *NEVER GIVE YOUR SPOUSE OR THE OTHER WOMAN/MAN WARNING THAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO EXPOSE. JUST DO IT!!!*
> 
> ...


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

The problem is that you are dealing with a confirmed liar and cheater. 

Take Dusty4's advice and file for D. 

It will either rock her world, and you can then think about reconcilation, or it will hurt YOU much less in the end when you find out what a terrible wife she has been to you.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> plan to see each other in secret because he can't afford to deal with that going public. What do I do?


go public with it


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Clear all joint accounts immediately, expose without a wimpy warning and file for divorce. She will beg and plead or thank you but you will have the power and your dignity to do as you wish


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yep. Sorry man. Get a lawyer and file for divorce.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

I agree with all - don't let on until you get your ducks in a row and have exposed. Take time to calm down, get some private time and develop your step by step plan.

And don't forget to cancel future counseling appointments.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

At the moment -- do not say anything and try to act "normal".

Follow the other advice given here on TAM.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

The reason you need to expose is because quite possibly the OM will dump your wife. Your wife has a long term plan, but the OM might just be leading her on and using her for sex.

Don't tell anyone what you are doing and expose him to whoever you can. His employer, his wife, his parents, siblings, etc.

When/If he dumps your wife, you will have a decision to make. Do you want to be plan B for your wife or do you want her out of your life. Exposure will give you the power to decide.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Keep in mind that you are in a unique position since "you know but she doesn't know you know". Take advantage of that. Many of us I'm sure, including myself, who had the same opportunity, wish we'd handled it more coolly; wished we had planned things out before bum-rushing our WS. 

I know the motivation to want to blast her right now must be eating you alive, but try to be cold and systematic in your approach.

Even if there is a small fraction of a chance that you'll R, this is still the right approach.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Cheaterville for both.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

You have to understand that in some states third party recordings are illegal. Consult with an attorney before you release or acknowledge the existence of a 3d party tape. Don't let wife know of your consultation, she can read it in the court papers when she is served. Plan your exit strategy and execute it swiftly. 

Look at this relationship very openly and see where you could have done better and work to improve yourself. Exercise is good for helping to relieve stress and make you healthier. Explore hobbies that you may have neglected or start one you have always wanted to try. This is a good way to meet new people that you have a common interest with to develop friendships. She has made her decision, it is now time for you to look after you.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

She's INTENTIONALLY putting you through false R to get her ducks in line to take you for the maximum.

Sorry to say this. She doesn't love you at all and in fact you are her ENEMY right now. She's declaring a secret war on you and you don't even know it.

She's using your heart and your child as her cover to do all of this stuff stealthily.

IS THIS SOMEONE YOU CAN LOVE?

Also, if the EA betrayal wasn't bad enough. Look at THIS betrayal. 

Get mad and get ready for war. Talk to an attorney, get YOUR ducks in line and when you're set. BLOW THE CRAP out of the affair. Yell it from the highest mountain, brightest neon sign and largest bill board you can find.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Expose to the omw today do not tell your wife I bet he dumps her right away. File for divorce.


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## talin (Apr 25, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> What's should my plan of action be though. Do I go home and see if she will admit it? Do I tell the OM wife before calling his punk ass out? We have a 2 year old son. I was dead set on R but you guys were right. I'm a dumb ass. Do I ask her to move out?


If you think she'll move out then yes you could definitely ask her to leave. That would be ideal on so many levels.

But

What happens with your son? Would she move with him or leave you to take care of your son? Do you work full time? If so how will you manage child care?

Think this through.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

two can play this game. Take some time deciding what to do. Talk to an attorney in the mean time, and get your ducks in a row(financially and emotionally). Keep acting stupid and collect better evidence if this is a at fault state. Then blow up her affair when it is most convenient to you.

Also, get tested for STDs


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> two can play this game. Take some time deciding what to do. Talk to an attorney in the mean time, and get your ducks in a row(financially and emotionally). Keep acting stupid and collect better evidence if this is a at fault state. Then blow up her affair when it is most convenient to you.
> 
> Also, get tested for STDs


All of the above plus at the right time tell SIL where to go!


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

The recording is probably illegal. You cannot use it as evidence/ If you can afford it, set up a bait and hire a PI. Or rent a car and do it yourself. Keylog your home computer that she uses.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> I got pissed and left and called her sister because we are really tight and she knows what I've been going through.


You are not tight with her sister. You think you are, but you actually are not. They are a couple of scumbags family that can lie to your face without any problem. The sister will side with her sibling if it comes to choosing between you two


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> moxy you make some good points and I'll try to provide some more detail. My first thread is in general relationship forum because I didn't notice this forum till later.
> 
> For the longest time I thought it was a medical/hormonal condition. She never has had a high sex drive usually like 3 times a month. So I wrote it off to that since we had just had our son. I mentioned for her to see dr's and so has her mom and sister because she would be incredibly mean to them as well not just me. That's why I didn't get tipped off that it could be and EA. Like you I don't believe it just ended by itself. That's why I want to confront this dude and tell him no more contact or it's gonna get ugly. I will be going the route of a voice recorder just for me peace of mind. She has agreed to MC and I'm setting that up this week. She has been super wife since this came out. She has been talking my ear off, cooking, cleaning, everything. really kinda hovering over me all the time. THis is the woman I married. Now I'm feeding into this as we still have a lot of **** to work out and figure out. I do have a keylogger on the pc but she never uses this pc. She stays on her phone for everything and she never lets it leave her side. Things had started to look up before I found out about this EA. When I was looking through the emails the last one I found was back in Feb. So it very well may have stopped as she claims or it may not have. Right now my mind is running what if's all day long and it's driving me crazy because I don't know the extent. I'm hoping the MC can get her to talk about it. BTW, they haven't worked together since last fall as she changed jobs but she says that's when it started is when she took the new job.



She is a master manipulator. She is keeping tabs on you so that she can control the situation. Make sure that she does not see you posting here


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> ...he can't afford to deal with that going public. What do I do?


Go public.

T


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> VAR in car catches her talking to sister and she is still in contact with OM and has no feelings for me and planning on leaving.


If this happened to me, the best description of my reaction is depicted in poster from "Man on Fire"...










Everything behind me would be on fire (figuratively speaking).

T


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

warlock07 said:


> You are not tight with her sister. You think you are, but you actually are not. They are a couple of scumbags family that can lie to your face without any problem. The sister will side with her sibling if it comes to choosing between you two


When the exposure hits and your stbxw asks you how you knew tell her that SIL was actually on your side and telling you everything. Take some of your stbxw support away.


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## movin on (Jan 24, 2012)

When the exposure hits and your stbxw asks you how you knew tell her that SIL was actually on your side and telling you everything. Take some of your stbxw support away.



That is a trick I would pull. Lol. Definitely try it . Keep using var. throws your wife off and piss toxic sil off at the same time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Don't let people sh*t you about the illegality of recording someone in/on your property, including your vehicle. The so called "castle doctrine" can be tweaked to give you immunity from prosecution in many states. Moreover, few courts will entertain prosecuting a spouse taping their spouse in conversations about infidelity. And, if taping an suspect on your property is illegal, how can I have video set up to catch intruders on mine and have used that tape in a trespass and theft prosecution. 
Listen to what everybody's telling you about not showing your hand until its right. The invasion of Normandy wasn't won because the plan was announced ahead of time.
Finally TE, you need to cut this dame loose. You ain't losing anything since you can't lose what you don't have. It would have to be miserable living with her.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

UGH STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP. never ever let on to your electronic spying especially VARs they are too valuable. Even if illegal they are almost always NOT admissible in court.

If has come down to this, simply state I know you are planning to leave me so I am leaving you first.

CONSULT A LAWYER!!! Get a PI. Find out their other means of communication and exploit those. You have a weak confront planned. She is going to smash thru you. Who gave you your var plan? I did! 

DONT BE RDMU!!! He did that and got 6 weeks of pure misery.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

And probably send a message to your SIL thanking her for the counsel and the help in saving the marriage


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

I will consult with an attorney next week. If he asks is it okay to tell him I used a var? Also how to approach his wife letter or in person? Also how to find out her contact details and method of delivery.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Oh the sil will get what's coming to her believe that. I had already thought about turning them against each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Weightlifter is correct there is no advantage to giving up your sources you know what you know, it is not necessary to get a confession. Additionally, it won't be admissible in court. 

Do not take anyones advice on here as legally correct, consult with a qualified attorney who knows the law in your state. In no fault states these things don't even matter, you could catch her red handed and it wouldn't matter. 

There are some on here that are well meaning, but not legally informed. For example, the Castle doctrine is for self defense of people breaking into your house and absolutely nothing to do with 3d party recordings. I'm not saying don't use all means available to you, but be careful who you tell. Attorneys are fine as he is legally not allowed to disclose information, no one else has a need to know.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Is there any point in continuing the investigation? I am working on the plant as we speak. Just have to figure out how to get in touch with the OM wife. Would you all go as far to let his employer know or is that going too far? They no longer work together. Anybody with sinister idea's on how I can make the most of this situation please let em rip. I intend to cause her as much damage as she has me.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The other man is just using her for sex. If you have his number, try spokeo.com for info on his wife.

Her sister has been spying on you and feeding her your suspicions. Use her sister for spreading disinformation about how welll you think things are going now.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Since they were coworkers, his emoloyer definitely needs to know.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Great points. Guys I'm having a hell if a time not acting like anything is wrong when around her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> Is there any point in continuing the investigation? I am working on the plant as we speak. Just have to figure out how to get in touch with the OM wife. Would you all go as far to let his employer know or is that going too far? They no longer work together. Anybody with sinister idea's on how I can make the most of this situation please let em rip. I intend to cause her as much damage as she has me.


Plan the exposure carefully. gather more evidence. VARs cannot be used as proof. Set up a bait. (Out of town work)


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

VFW said:


> For example, the Castle doctrine is for self defense of people breaking into your house and absolutely nothing to do with 3d party recordings.


Not quite counselor. The Castle doctrine is for the defense of property, at least in Georgia. (see BOGGS v. STATE, 581 S.E.2d 722, 261 Ga. App. 104 (2003) I believe I could stretch the placement of a recording device, and certainly a GPS device, in a car as defense of that vehicle (Similar to placing video surveillance devices on any property). Besides, you're recording for your own information and unless you're dumb enough to flaunt it, they can't charge you.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

theexpendable,

Sorry you are having to deal with this garbage.

If you overheard on VAR that this POS is desperate to keep this affair secret, then expose it everywhere that will give him a punch in the gut.

His wife, his job, his family and friends...EVERYWHERE. Also, expose your wife to both of your families AND make it clear SIL not only knows but is supporting WW's crappy behavior.

He will throw your wife under the bus to save himself if he's that paranoid.

It will blow up the A and might help to get your WW's head out of the fog.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

The var did not reveal how they were communicating? 

Check text records. Check cell bill.

Look for burner phone.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

weightlifter said:


> The var did not reveal how they were communicating?
> 
> Check text records. Check cell bill.
> 
> Look for burner phone.


At this point why would you advise this? It's over. Done, fini.

Time to divorce. Continuing to investigate will reveal more gory details but for what purpose? He already knows she's still cheating and has no feelings for him, and she's planning to leave him.


OP just divorce this lady and move on.


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

Come on man what are you doing? Shes saying shes sticking with the om. If you dont want to be a cuckold its time to 180 and next this person you were unfortunate enough to marry. Shes flat out saying youre being strung along. I bet shes getting played too. Expose if you must but id be concered about yourself more than getting payback


Oh and in 12 months she'll prob beg to take her back. By then youll just get a kick out of it and have a laugh with a new woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Believe me I am talking to a lawyer this week. It's killing me having to hold this in and act like nothing is wrong. I am def exposing wife of OM but have to get some info on her. Might see if a PI can get it for me. She gets no more chances. This is a done deal. Didn't sleep at all last night. Caught her in another lie too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## awake1 (Jan 29, 2013)

theexpendable said:


> Believe me I am talking to a lawyer this week. It's killing me having to hold this in and act like nothing is wrong. I am def exposing wife of OM but have to get some info on her. Might see if a PI can get it for me. She gets no more chances. This is a done deal. Didn't sleep at all last night. Caught her in another lie too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



If you know who he is look him up on facebook and you should be able to see who his wife is. And yes she'll keep lying if shes trying to hide the om. I am sorry
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

I have looked and can't find ****. His wife may have deleted hers after she got in some trouble. I dunno I wish it wasn't the weekend so I could get things moving.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

No reconciliation can take place without breaking up the affair.

You already confronted her, gave her a chance to be honest with you, tell you she wants a divorce, and she didn't do that. She wants to keep you and her affair partner both.

Exposure to other man's wife gives you the best chance at breaking up the affair. Then you expose it to your and her friends and family. If that doesn't work, well, you did what you could to try to end the affair and save your marriage.

Do not tell your wife you are exposing, just do it. Keep it short and sweet to your and her family and friends. "Wife is having an affair with former co-worker X. Sister knows about it. Wife refuses to end it. Please talk to her and use your influence to get her to work on our marriage for the sake of our young child."

Exposure ruins the fantasy. Wife is fantasizing that she can replace you with other man and no one will ever know she cheated. She fantasizes that she will tell everyone that she left you because she was unhappy and he helped her through it as a friend and only became her affair partner after she already left you. In her fantasy, every one will be happy for her (even you).

If your wife gets mad about the exposure, you tell her you are fighting for her and fighting for your family and you make no apologies. You tell her all you are doing is telling the truth and this wouldn't have been necessary if she only would have been honest about ending the affair. If she gets mad at exposure to other man's wife, tell your wife that other man's wife deserved the truth, she has to make life decisions and her life decisions shouldn't be based on lies the other man is feeding her. Never back down when you are in the right.

When you expose to other man's wife, offer what details you have, but not how you got them. Never give up your source unless you are sure you are done using it.

After you expose, your wife will leave, show extreme anger, tell you that any chance you had at saving the marriage is now ruined, as a matter of fact she was just about to end the affair, for real this time, but now she's not. Don't believe any of it. After the anger wears off, a couple of days, she may come back to work on the marriage.

In case you don't know it yet, this has been a physical affair. Just about 100% guarantee. They still are having sex, even it it's only when he can get away to visit. How do you know if your wife is at work every day, hasn't called in sick, gone in late, left early, and other man hasn't traveled to see your wife, vice versa, or met halfway?

Try to compose yourself. You will be OK. Life will go on. Maybe it even will turn out better for you. In any event, you only can do your best, that's all you can do.

Around your wife, try to maintain the confidence that you know you will be OK no matter what.

In the meantime, see the attorney, find out your situation, and proceed with divorce. Another thing that is going on with her cheating is that she believes you always will be there for her. You put up with no sex for a year and a half and even slept on the couch, so she looks at you as a doormat and a pushover and someone who couldn't attract another woman if your life depended on it. She doesn't see you as someone who loves her so much you were willing to put up with it for the sake of your family. She sees things this way because that is how SHE thinks. She would never have put up with what you did.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Anything your wife says could be a lie. Like other man's wife being a cheater. Other man could even be lying to your wife.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> No reconciliation can take place without breaking up the affair.
> 
> You already confronted her, gave her a chance to be honest with you, tell you she wants a divorce, and she didn't do that. She wants to keep you and her affair partner both.
> 
> ...


theexpendable, this is about the best advice you can get here all rolled up into one page. Follow these suggestions to the 't' and you will know in the shortest amount time where you stand with the future concerning your marriage. Waffle on these suggestions and you will surely be prolonging the agony you are currently experiencing, Read a few hundred of the stories on this forum and you will understand why Will outlined the above the way he did. It is the same story over and over. Cheaters follow a script. His advice is really the best way to move forward

I wish you the best.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Will_Kane said:


> If your wife gets mad about the exposure, you tell her you are fighting for her and fighting for your family and you make no apologies.


Let's see, she's banging another guy and there's some concern about her getting mad about exposure? Why don't he just apologize and say, "Oh I'm so sorry Peaches. I'm begging that you can forgive me for ratting you out for cheating. I can't stand to upset you" Give me a friggin break. Tell her is she doesn't like it to make like horse crap and hit the trail. Better yet, just tell her to hit the trail anyway.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If he wants to keep it quiet, put him on cheaterville.com and send him and a few other interested folks the link. Works like a charm. He is playing your wife, that's why it has to stay a secret.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If he wanted her full time she would be gone. That is not what he wants.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Stay focused, your goal is to contact OMW, so tell your wife your not feeling well and the project at work is stressing you out and need space...an excuse to disengage...this will help.

Go work out, lift weights and stay at the gym..again another tactic in staying away from dealing with WW.

And one more thing, stop asking questions and she will tell you no lies.

It appears you are at a breaking point. so contact OMW with what you have, Post OM on cheatersville.com and wait for the fall out. keep exposeure as simple and as short as possible. Get exposure out of the way so you can move on to the next task.

In short let the OM confront your wife about their affair, and when your old lady goes after you, tell her to talk to her sister " she is the one that told you and OMW everything, she's the one you should be mad at". Tell your your chick " your sister is the one that is still pissed at you for some crap you did to each other a long time ago and I don't know why"

Your wife must see that you are done and its to late to discuss the whats and the whys ..."its time to move on with out each other right now and not on her time line" and then with a big smile ask her to leave and tell her "your time is up".


Stay strong, work the plan, go lift weights and know that some of the hardest things in life come with the greatest rewards.

Hold it together brother, now is the time to be a few step ahead of your STBXW, instead of being a few steps behind! IT'S YOUR TIME LINE NOW...NOT YOUR WIFES!!!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> I will consult with an attorney next week. If he asks is it okay to tell him I used a var? Also how to approach his wife letter or in person? Also how to find out her contact details and method of delivery.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would try to contact her online if you can. 
Can you do a Google search of her name and see what pops up? (Social media accounts)? Do you have any mutual friends at all? 

The main thing is: you don't want any interception. From your wife or OM before you get to OW. You need to make sure of that because it will ruin the exposure. 



theexpendable said:


> Caught her in another lie too.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What was the other lie?


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I would stay simple and go two-pronged:

- See an attorney and get the D started.

- Expose the OM anywhere you can - his work, your friends and family on fb, cheaterville.com, his W, etc. In the fb exposure, I would say that, sadly, you learned from your SIL that blah, blah... The SIL deserves some real heartburn, imo.

Since it's clear that he doesn't want it to go public, it doesn't really matter if the divorce filing is simultaneous with exposing the OM.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Guys, I exposed probably a month ago and I don't feel like either of them have really felt the consequences yet. I told his wife but I did confirm that she had cheated on him so that explains why she was so dang calm when i told her. She had expected it from him for a long time. Since then my wife lives in a small duplex across town so that's basically the only consequence she has faced so far to my knowledge. His wife confronted him but he denies and manipulates her like no other and she isn't sure what to do as they have 2 kids. So far he hasn't moved out nor has she but I don't think they are working on things. It seems like a waiting game with them. My wife still seems unphased whatsoever by this whole situation or at least she won't dare show me any emotion. His wife is the only person I have told. I thought about his immediate family but have had many people tell me not to do it as they won't believe me and they'll take his side. Any thoughts on how I can get some more pressure on them without hurting me in the courtroom.

I also wonder since he hasn't made any moves in about a month to leave his wife if he really is thinking about staking it out until she makes him leave or files first. He seems to the type to not want confrontation and look like the bad guy. I think the thought of losing his daughters is really haunting him. I just want some sweeet revenge, is that so wrong?


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## LostViking (Mar 26, 2013)

Sometimes exposure works and sometimes it doesn't. Other than assaulting him and beating him to a pulp, what revenge is there? Don't let this creep steal any more of your hope or time. 

No, just divorce your wife and move on. Don't waste one more second of your life on these people. They are not worth it. 

Continue doing the 180, take care of yourself and look to your own needs. Ignore your WW and get an equitable a settlement as you can from the D.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> Guys, wife said she ended EA with OM. Went to canceling and she really acts like she is going to try and fix things. VAR in car catches her talking to sister and she is still in contact with OM and has no feelings for me and planning on leaving. Basically saying they have a long term plan to see each other in secret because he can't afford to deal with that going public. What do I do?


You answered your own question....First, protect your finances.....

Then, take it public....*Expose, Expose, Expose.*...

Then have her served...

Then pack her clothes, and ship them to the AP's home....

Hit her so hard and fast that her head will spin faster than Linda Blair's........

*BLITZKRIEG!!!!*

the woodchuck


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Put him on cheaterville.com and send him and your wife the link. Let us know who it is and we will google him enough to make it number one when his name is googled. Other have really liked the results. Do not put his name here with correct spelling or it will show your thread on google.
What does he do for a living?


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> I just want some sweeet revenge, is that so wrong?


*The BEST revenge by FAR is for you to make a plan for you to improve yourself, do it, and you will get a lot better!*

I know you want revenge right now but if you execute your long range plan you will be so much more satisfied. As soon as you can, work real hard on not being absorbed by her or OM right now because* that will take away from your actions for you to improve.* Get as much help from others in improving yourself as possible.


I know it is very hard to plan and execute for months and years but have some faith. The OM has not moved in with her on a month. The OM has two daughters and if he has any love for those daughters he will choose them over your cheating wife. After all how long do you think that the cheating OM is going to keep your cheating wife when he has to face the crap that we all have to face in life? Both will not be able to establish trust as they both betrayed their spouses; so *how long does a non-trusting relationship last?*

When cheating does not include all the responsibilities of life it seems exciting. Just wait until they have to face responsibilities and troubles and watch two cheaters turn towards their selfishness and back stab each other.


You are going to have to wait for a while in order to see the consequences that they will pay. However, added to you enjoying their consequences will be the improvements that you make for yourself. The consequences that they will suffer will not be enough for you in the future; *your SUCCESS and IMPROVEMENTS WILL BE YOUR GREAT JOY!!!*


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You could also use a disinformation campaign. Sow a few rumours with his wife about your wife. Start some romours about how he has been telling people at work he will never leave his daughters .

Has he been outed at his work as a lying cheat?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Post the scumbag on Cheaterville with a nice quip about how he deals with his own W's adultery is to go and cheat with the spouse of another man.

What a cowardly POS.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> You could also use a disinformation campaign. Sow a few rumours with his wife about your wife. Start some romours about how he has been telling people at work he will never leave his daughters .
> 
> Has he been outed at his work as a lying cheat?


Not been outed at work. He is a school teacher so currently out for the summer. I have thought about that though. Is there any legal action that can come my way through using cheaterville or exposing at the work place?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Stick with the truth. I would print out copies of the cheaterville link and post them around where he lives and I would let the schoolboard know or other officials know you will keep your legal options open.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I would assume the principle's and other board member's emails have public emails you can send the cheaterville link I would. Keep the pressure on.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You will be fine as long as you tell the truth as you believe it
to be.

Be sure to send him a link. You can use their anonymous festure to email the link.
You can write the post in such a way that it doesn't imply who you areif you like.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Your wife just left? What about kids?


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> Your wife just left? What about kids?


No, I asked her to move out around June 8th. So we've been separated since. We have a 2 year old kid involved. I filed after she moved out after coming across info that she was faking R and was still in contact with OM with plans of keeping the A going for a while longer till timing was better for them to leave us. So we are in the process of D and getting close to a settlement outside of court where she is actually being very civil and giving me a good deal. I think that's because she either has guilt from what she did to me and our son or because she doesn't want her skeletons brought out of the closet on the stand in front of friends and family not to mention the expense. I'm leaning towards the latter.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> No, I asked her to move out around June 8th. So we've been separated since. We have a 2 year old kid involved. I filed after she moved out after coming across info that she was faking R and was still in contact with OM with plans of keeping the A going for a while longer till timing was better for them to leave us. So we are in the process of D and getting close to a settlement outside of court where she is actually being very civil and giving me a good deal. I think that's because she either has guilt from what she did to me and our son or because she doesn't want her skeletons brought out of the closet on the stand in front of friends and family not to mention the expense. I'm leaning towards the latter.


That's fine and all but you can still expose the posom and make his life a living hell without getting her involved for now. If friends ask you what happened you may as well tell them the truth this was her decision.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

Do expose the POS at work.

I work in education myself. Trust me, it is not something he wants known around his campus with his peers or the parents of his students.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I agree post him on cheaterville. He obviously fears having this come out and probably feels somewhat entitled given his wife's history. I doubt exposure to her is what he feared most. If your D is close and you are getting good terms, then you can always wait to expose until it is finalized to his friends, coworkers, and family. 

Honestly though... it is also time to think of moving on yourself. If you're doing the above. Think of it as a "parting corrective action" as you then begin to rebuild your life minus the cheating and unremorseful spouse.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

workindad said:


> I agree post him on cheaterville. He obviously fears having this come out and probably feels somewhat entitled given his wife's history. I doubt exposure to her is what he feared most. If your D is close and you are getting good terms, then you can always wait to expose until it is finalized to his friends, coworkers, and family.
> 
> Honestly though... it is also time to think of moving on yourself. If you're doing the above. Think of it as a "parting corrective action" as you then begin to rebuild your life minus the cheating and unremorseful spouse.


I agree. I think I'm going to wait until we get this settled as to not screw anything up for myself. I know it's time for me to move on. A big part of me was hoping she would come out of the fog once I filed and we separated as I was interested in trying R for my sons sake and hoping to find that woman I fell in love with and married. She has shown little to no remorse or any intention of trying to R as she still won't come clean.

This POSOM is very concerned about saving face. He's one of those people that cares what everyone thinks about him and his reputation. It's a small community and I know the word has already been spreading like wildfire but I will let his coworkers and family know for sure. According to his wife she said she made him tell his mom but I doubt she was there to witness that which probably never happened.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> I agree. I think I'm going to wait until we get this settled as to not screw anything up for myself. I know it's time for me to move on. A big part of me was hoping she would come out of the fog once I filed and we separated as I was interested in trying R for my sons sake and hoping to find that woman I fell in love with and married. She has shown little to no remorse or any intention of trying to R as she still won't come clean.
> 
> This POSOM is very concerned about saving face. He's one of those people that cares what everyone thinks about him and his reputation. It's a small community and I know the word has already been spreading like wildfire but I will let his coworkers and family know for sure. According to his wife she said she made him tell his mom but I doubt she was there to witness that which probably never happened.


If I had a student in that school I would not want that pos teaching my kid.


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

I'll make some assumptions...

First, since your wife is living separate in an apartment since June 8th, the affair is definitely still on and he has been over there sleeping with her.

Secondly, your one hope of recovery was that filing and exposing would shock her into reality and she would come back begging for a second chance. Since she has not, we can assume that this marriage is over for her and for you also. 

Right now she wants to be clear of the divorce and available to the OM as quickly as possible, so she is ready to make things easy for you in the settlement. Use this to your advantage to get everything you want from the settlement and get it done quick while she's still pining away for Mr. Wonderful.

And, I'm not sure outing him a work does anything to your advantage right now. If you were still entertaining the thought of recovery, then blowing him up would absolutely be the right thing to do. But since it is past that point, just let the lovebirds be in their own skewed version of reality and use it to get the best settlement you can.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

You could go by tomorrow night around 9 pm get a pic of them together then post it on FB and tag her and him.

Of course poo storm erupts. Fun tho. Prolly not worth it. Just make sure his name shows on court documents.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> I agree. I think I'm going to wait until we get this settled as to not screw anything up for myself. I know it's time for me to move on. A big part of me was hoping she would come out of the fog once I filed and we separated as I was interested in trying R for my sons sake and hoping to find that woman I fell in love with and married. She has shown little to no remorse or any intention of trying to R as she still won't come clean.
> 
> This POSOM is very concerned about saving face. He's one of those people that cares what everyone thinks about him and his reputation. It's a small community and I know the word has already been spreading like wildfire but I will let his coworkers and family know for sure. According to his wife she said she made him tell his mom but I doubt she was there to witness that which probably never happened.


The reason you expose, especially in a case like this, is to have the om freak and throw your wayward wife under the bus. When she sees what he was really after, and it wasn't love, she is likely to come out of her fog making her easier to deal with.

After all it is best to make him carry the burden he willingly set up. You and your child should not be carrying it alone.

If you wait to expose it will do no good and I have seen not one poster that ended up glad they waited. It just makes them feel like they missed their chance to use their best weapon and later they were just whipped.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> My wife still seems unphased whatsoever by this whole situation or at least she won't dare show me any emotion.
> 
> She has shown little to no remorse or any intention of trying to R as she still won't come clean.



*Your words above lead me to believe that your wife is in her shyt real deep. If this marriage is broken then consider this

Your wife is being “…civil and giving you a good deal”. Now is your best chance to get what you want out of the divorce. I doubt that you will get a better deal than right now. I know that you want revenge right now but you will have many years to get revenge AFTER the divorce. If you get divorced the stipulations in the divorce will last a life time and any revenge that you get right now will be insignificant in the years ahead.

Think about the next 5-10-20 years and consider taking actions that y will be best for the future.*

*Have you made up your mind on hoping for another R?*


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> *
> 
> Your wife is being “…civil and giving you a good deal”. Now is your best chance to get what you want out of the divorce. I doubt that you will get a better deal than right now. I know that you want revenge right now but you will have many years to get revenge AFTER the divorce. *
> 
> *Have you made up your mind on hoping for another R?*


Ill be more blunt than Mr Blunt.

USE HER FOG AGAINST HER!!! This is high stakes poker. USE YOUR ACES!


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Btw, I'd be making sure that the OMW has your wife's new address and phone number do she knows where to look for her husbands car.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

You can go to a school board meeting in the fall, and when time comes for statements or discussion with the audience (you)---you can "out" him---you can probably go in aug. as there should probably be a meeting in aug.

Tell how he homewrecked your family, and has left your child in a split home situation------make sure everything is accurate and the truth, for you do not wanna be nailed for slander---but if everything is the truth---since he is a teacher---parents have a right to know what kind of a person is teaching their kids---do not tip your hand, prior to speaking at the school board meeting, for you do not wanna be interfered with---he probably won't be there---that's fine---all you wanna do is get your statement out for the public record---and to challenge the board, at that point, on the morals of this teacher

Beyond that you can, once the D, is final, file a civil suit agst him in your name, and a separate suit in the name of your child for Intentional Infliction of Emotional Distress

Once suits are filed---he will have one month to file his answer, or he loses by default---which means he is gonna spend a good sum of money to hire an atty to defend him

You can actually file the action, without an atty---just do your homework, on what is needed, in meeting the elements of the tort---and what you need to cover, as to legalese---it isn't that hard---it costs you a couple of filing fees---it costs him thousands, as he will as I said above need to retain an atty-----after he answers, you can actually let it all drop if you wish----either way there are things you can do---to hurt him, for you and your kid!!!!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

There is no way to sugar coat this, so I'll be blunt.

You did neither fish nor fowl. You very selectively and quietly exposed to HIS wife...and no one else.

WTF? Of course she clammed up! First, she's a cheater. Second, she's easily manipulated. Third, she wants to save face. Fourth, she has children. 

She is DESPERATE to rug sweep this. So when we said expose to friends, family colleagues...what you read that as is 'in a quiet email, send a letter in invisible ink to his wife at midnight.'

Um...that isn't what was written. Now you've blown your wad and this guy is doing everything in his power to cover himself. Maybe he can't do anything, but he is doing what he can.

Poorly done and implemented. It's like a fight...go big or go home.

But this is 'might have been's.' I agree to hold off on the mass exposure until you divorce is final. As said, you've blown your wad and it was a trickle.

I also agree that he needs to feel something. Cheaters NEED that kind of exposure. So...let me help you spread the joy....:FIREdevil:

I don't know about POS's school, but at MY kids school, the teachers have email...

"Dear (insert name here),

I feel that you should know that POS has cheated on his wife and caused the divorce between myself and my wife of X years. We have a two year old son which will feel the impact of that for the rest of his life.

So I felt that if he was willing to do it once, he might be looking for another conquest since he abandoned my wife after his crapulence was revealed. He hasn't cared at how this has affected his own wife and kids, so I feel it very unlikely that he will care about you and yours.

So as a public service announcement, I should let you know about the depths of his character, at least with regard to marital infidelity. He is likely very bad for your marriage. Any friendships he tries to make should be viewed with a greater than normal amounts of suspicion. *YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED* and I will happily testify at the trial of any person who runs afoul of his activities. Your husband would not like you to be alone with such a man or getting to chummy with him. 

Trust me when I say that while the flirting might be fun, the consequences certainly are not! They are expensive and emotionally devastating."

Send this to every female teacher (most of them) at his school. Take a weekend to cut and paste it and personalize it by name for every single woman so it has a bigger impact.

To the male teachers, send this:

"POS cheated with my wife and caused a divorce. I would like you to ask yourself exactly how close you want him to your wife and adult daughters. Trust me that you don't want to have to clean up the messes he leaves behind."

Send a copy to the Principle and Vice Principle of the School.

That should do nicely and will give you the bloody pound of flesh that your gullet so desperately craves.

HOWEVER... If you do something like this and he gets fired, he is not the only person who will have to live with the consequences. He has a wife and children of his own. It's nice to think about him living the rest of his life in a cardboard box under an overpass. Put a couple kids next to him when you run that fantasy through your head.

That is a worst case scenario. Having to move or change jobs sounds about right for his grievances against you. BUT...you don't get to judge exactly how badly this will effect him.

YOU have been warned too. This dose of reality is sometimes overlooked by the BSers hungry for blood.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

I know we don't think very hard about the cheaters on this site, but I have to bring up a point.

This man changed jobs very recently and went to a different school district, yes?

While it's easy to paint these people as the worst wretched scum of the earth (and AT THE MOMENT, they are) what if he did these things to leave his past activities behind him in an attempt to make things right with his wife?

This is a very uncomfortable point, I know and I am sorry to make it. However, I can too easily picture this happening to me: I bend over backwards to try and put my mistakes behind me after doing wrong, change jobs to make things up to my family...and someone makes all my efforts for naught.

Yes, it's deserved by him. What about his wife and kids? Yes he should have thought about them before. But does that mean he isn't thinking about them now?

I shall now await the slings and arrows of my fellow posters.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

JCD said:


> I know we don't think very hard about the cheaters on this site, but I have to bring up a point.
> 
> This man changed jobs very recently and went to a different school district, yes?
> 
> ...


No slings and arrows from me.

You piss on my chips, I'll piss on yours.

As an admittedly extreme example no one says, "Mr X robbed a bank/embezzled money/assaulted somebody, but as he has kids and a wife we won't serve justice on him.

You reap what you sow.


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

JCD said:


> I know we don't think very hard about the cheaters on this site, but I have to bring up a point.
> 
> This man changed jobs very recently and went to a different school district, yes?
> 
> ...


Not from me you wont.You´re post if read with some perspective in mind ,on what point you are making.Yes it makes god sense. But considering i have no dog in this fight.
It make´s it easier to see you´re point..

How ever if i would have been in OP shoe´s, well i think you get my point


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## Jonesey (Jul 11, 2011)

JCD said:


> I know we don't think very hard about the cheaters on this site, but I have to bring up a point.
> 
> This man changed jobs very recently and went to a different school district, yes?
> 
> ...


Not from me you wont.You´re post if read with some perspective in mind ,on what point you are making.Yes it makes god sense. But considering i have no dog in this fight.
It make´s it easier to see the point you are making..

How ever if i would have been in OP shoe´s, well i think you get my point


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

The question is do you want to try and save your marriage or just divorce. If it were me though, if someone were interfering in my families life they would feel like they walked into a nest of junk yard dogs. 

What is it about this situation that makes him comfortable to prey on your family?


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

WyshIknew said:


> No slings and arrows from me.
> 
> You piss on my chips, I'll piss on yours.
> 
> ...


I agree with you. If you can get twelve strangers (not twelve more betrayed spouses) to agree that your actions are warranted against the family, than it's a pretty good bet your 'vengeance' is fair.

That's the whole point of the justice system. But, for example, if you see your wife kissing a man at a drunken Christmas party and you get the man fired and blackballed because you are feeling bad...well...vengeance by it's nature knows no limits.

That is why a bit of perspective is a bit useful.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> The question is do you want to try and save your marriage or just divorce. If it were me though, if someone were interfering in my families life they would feel like they walked into a nest of junk yard dogs.
> 
> What is it about this situation that makes him comfortable to prey on your family?


From what I gather, he is intent on divorce. I would be. It's just a matter of getting the paperwork out of the way and deciding how bad he wants to futz up the life of this guy.

I am on board with a bit of payback. I just hate to see it snowball is all. He should have gone big with family and friends EARLY not late.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> The question is do you want to try and save your marriage or just divorce. If it were me though, if someone were interfering in my families life they would feel like they walked into a nest of junk yard dogs.
> 
> What is it about this situation that makes him comfortable to prey on your family?


At this point, I'd still be willing to try R with very strict boundaries. Even though she has taken me to rock bottom and shown no remorse or still hasn't come clean with answers, I'd still give it a shot because I do love her and my son more than anything. I want nothing more than for us to be a family again. On the flipside, I'm fully prepared to finish up the divorce and move on if that's what it comes to and at this point it seems like the fog is still strong. So if R is in my future would blowing this guy up simply push the 2 of them together more or a good chance he'll dump. He hasn't left his wife yet and not sure that he will. I think reality has set in for him that sh!t is getting real annd he's gotta makea choice.

I'll clear things up for one of the other questions someone asked. My wife worked with him but left that job last summer but their contact did not stop. That's one of the mysteries for me. I don't understand why she would have left her job while they were having the affair unless maybe she was trying to end it or get away and he kept reeling her in. 

Once my settlement is done I plan on outing him at work,friends and family. No doubt about that. My dilemma is if I want R should I go ahead and do that? Im thinking maybe not, that this marriage is done either way. We can have the divorce then if she comes crying back and willing to pull the load and have full transparency we might could try after D with many stipulations.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> You could go by tomorrow night around 9 pm get a pic of them together then post it on FB and tag her and him.
> 
> Of course poo storm erupts. Fun tho. Prolly not worth it. Just make sure his name shows on court documents.


This is pretty sad but I woked up at 3am the other morning when I didn't have our son with horrible dreams about the A. I throw my shoes on and do a drive-by by her apartment to see if his truck was over there. Even check possilbe pick up locations close by for it. It's like I needed that peace of mind. I know she probably isn't that stupid to have him over there around my son but if I would have seen that truck I can gurantee it would have been ugly.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> The reason you expose, especially in a case like this, is to have the om freak and throw your wayward wife under the bus. When she sees what he was really after, and it wasn't love, she is likely to come out of her fog making her easier to deal with.
> 
> After all it is best to make him carry the burden he willingly set up. You and your child should not be carrying it alone.
> 
> If you wait to expose it will do no good and I have seen not one poster that ended up glad they waited. It just makes them feel like they missed their chance to use their best weapon and later they were just whipped.


I did screw up the exposure. I really thought his wife would put enough hell on him. Sucks I didn't find out till later she is a cheating spouse as well and seems to have expected this for a long time. I guess I just have to wait a bit till I can get what I need for the future and then let it rip.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> At this point, I'd still be willing to try R with very strict boundaries. Even though she has taken me to rock bottom and shown no remorse or still hasn't come clean with answers, I'd still give it a shot because I do love her and my son more than anything. I want nothing more than for us to be a family again. On the flipside, I'm fully prepared to finish up the divorce and move on if that's what it comes to and at this point it seems like the fog is still strong. So if R is in my future would blowing this guy up simply push the 2 of them together more or a good chance he'll dump. He hasn't left his wife yet and not sure that he will. I think reality has set in for him that sh!t is getting real annd he's gotta makea choice.
> 
> I'll clear things up for one of the other questions someone asked. My wife worked with him but left that job last summer but their contact did not stop. That's one of the mysteries for me. I don't understand why she would have left her job while they were having the affair unless maybe she was trying to end it or get away and he kept reeling her in.
> 
> Once my settlement is done I plan on outing him at work,friends and family. No doubt about that. My dilemma is if I want R should I go ahead and do that? Im thinking maybe not, that this marriage is done either way. We can have the divorce then if she comes crying back and willing to pull the load and have full transparency we might could try after D with many stipulations.


You can make his life a living [email protected] without interfering your settlement with her. Separate the two jmo.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

JCD said:


> From what I gather, he is intent on divorce. I would be. It's just a matter of getting the paperwork out of the way and deciding how bad he wants to futz up the life of this guy.
> 
> I am on board with a bit of payback. I just hate to see it snowball is all. He should have gone big with family and friends EARLY not late.


Reality is about to hit her good. She's only been in that apartment for like 2 weeks. School stuff is starting up this next week and kicks off early aug so she will be stressed from that. Financial stress is going to be huge since she has a ton of student loans. I really hope she realizes what she gave up for this POS and that hasn't even left his wife yet. 

How do you guys think this will play out. Why wouldn't he have left his wife yet? His wife had that affair like 2 years ago I believe and he stuck it out. Do you think there is any reason he would wait for my wife to be divorce before leaving his? He very well may not leave and kick her to the curb or try to continue to cake eat.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> Reality is about to hit her good. She's only been in that apartment for like 2 weeks. School stuff is starting up this next week and kicks off early aug so she will be stressed from that. Financial stress is going to be huge since she has a ton of student loans. I really hope she realizes what she gave up for this POS and that hasn't even left his wife yet.
> 
> How do you guys think this will play out. Why wouldn't he have left his wife yet? His wife had that affair like 2 years ago I believe and he stuck it out. Do you think there is any reason he would wait for my wife to be divorce before leaving his? He very well may not leave and kick her to the curb or try to continue to cake eat.


This is why you expose him. Put the pressure on him to scramble between his job, kids ect. Hey he can beat the wrap but he can't beat the ride so to speak.


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

theexpendable said:


> *Reality is about to hit her good. *She's only been in that apartment for like 2 weeks. School stuff is starting up this next week and kicks off early aug so she will be stressed from that. Financial stress is going to be huge since she has a ton of student loans. I really hope she realizes what she gave up for this POS and that hasn't even left his wife yet.
> 
> How do you guys think this will play out. Why wouldn't he have left his wife yet? His wife had that affair like 2 years ago I believe and he stuck it out. Do you think there is any reason he would wait for my wife to be divorce before leaving his? He very well may not leave and kick her to the curb or try to continue to cake eat.


Reality may not wake her up.

This was your first post... VVVVVV



theexpendable said:


> Guys, wife said she ended EA with OM. Went to canceling and she really acts like she is going to try and fix things. VAR in car catches her talking to sister and she is still in contact with OM and has no feelings for me and planning on leaving. Basically saying they have a long term plan to see each other in secret because he can't afford to deal with that going public. What do I do?


And is hasn't woken you up yet, right...


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> Reality may not wake her up.
> 
> This was your first post... VVVVVV
> 
> ...


I know that's the risk I take. I can't just throw away 14 years at the flip of a switch especially with kids involved. I have no idea what she's thinking even if R is even an option for her. Part of me can't seem to let the possibility of R go. I'm trying hard to 180 and get past her but I can't stop thinking about what we had. I honestly feel like she is in a brainwashed state and like she doesn't realize what is going on. I could be totally wrong and she could be there mentally and not give a sh!t about me or getting back together. I have a hard time dealing with how somebody can give all of that up for some POS that she thinks she loves. I know I can't control her or fix things by myself and that's the hardest thing to swallow. I just have to let the cards fall where they may and try to move on but that's easier said than done in my case. Everybody tells me 6 months and you won't give a sh!t but it really doesn't seem to be getting any easier. I know I hold on to too much of the past and need to let it go and am trying but this all feels so wrong.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Stop worrying what she or anybody else thinks. It's killing you. 

Look at this....
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/90009-do-you-regret-exposing-affair.html

Expose! Let the chips fall and get out of limbo.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> Stop worrying what she or anybody else thinks. It's killing you.
> 
> Look at this....
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/90009-do-you-regret-exposing-affair.html
> ...


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> I agree. I think I'm going to wait until we get this settled as to not screw anything up for myself. I know it's time for me to move on. A big part of me was hoping she would come out of the fog once I filed and we separated as I was interested in trying R for my sons sake and hoping to find that woman I fell in love with and married. She has shown little to no remorse or any intention of trying to R as she still won't come clean.
> 
> This POSOM is very concerned about saving face. He's one of those people that cares what everyone thinks about him and his reputation. It's a small community and I know the word has already been spreading like wildfire but I will let his coworkers and family know for sure. According to his wife she said she made him tell his mom but I doubt she was there to witness that which probably never happened.


I think it is smart to hold off on cheaterville, further exposure, etc, until your D is settled and she can't cancel it and ask for more. She will likely be very protective of the OM, so if you destroy him, she'll likely stop being so nice in the D.

But once that is settled and the ink is dry, bury his ass.


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## Garm (Mar 11, 2013)

I am in a very similar situation to yours. I have been in limbo for 4 months. We have 2 toddlers. I exposed the heck out of the other man and I am glad I did. My wife didn't seem to care about that. I am just trying to come to grips with the fact that my wife doesn't love me. We still live together but she is not remorseful. Hang in there. I know what you are going through. What a nightmare.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Garm said:


> I am in a very similar situation to yours. I have been in limbo for 4 months. We have 2 toddlers. I exposed the heck out of the other man and I am glad I did. My wife didn't seem to care about that. I am just trying to come to grips with the fact that my wife doesn't love me. We still live together but she is not remorseful. Hang in there. I know what you are going through. What a nightmare.


Expose the om don't tell your w.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

Gabriel said:


> I think it is smart to hold off on cheaterville, further exposure, etc, until your D is settled and she can't cancel it and ask for more. She will likely be very protective of the OM, so if you destroy him, she'll likely stop being so nice in the D.
> 
> But once that is settled and the ink is dry, bury his ass.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

You can't R with her. You tried that once and she used your love for her to pull the wool over your eyes. It was just one long lie. She didn't care about you then, and the only care she has for you now is to get you out of her life as cleanly as possible so she can move on to her true love.

She selfishly used you during your false R. It's time for you to use her fog to your and your sons advantage. Get the best deal from her you can as soon as possible and get it filed. Don't wait for reality to bite her in the butt, that will just make it harder for you. Don't accept another false R attempt from her, it's going to come when the financial reality hits her. Get clear before that happens.

You love her but she doesn't love you, she loves OM and right now you're not even an obstacle to her. Get the divorce on the best terms you can then hammer him hard. He'll either throw her under the bus or divorce his wife and shack up with her. If he throws her under the bus she may try to come back to you. If she does you can get help for that scenario here too. Right now you're not there and you can't trust anything she says in that regard.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

There is no chance of reconciliation unless the affair is over. That is the whole point of exposure.

Sounds like this might be a revenge affair on his part for his wife's cheating.

I think he would already have left his family if he had planned to.

If you want to reconcile, I would ask him if he is ready to defend his actions at the next school board meeting. I would also ask him if he would like to see his name turning up on cheaterville.com when his name is googled? I would also ask him if he is prepared to defend a civil lawsuit? Etc. Gradually, of course turning up the heat.

If you check phone text records, you will probably find they were behaving inappropriately before she left the other school. Probably why she left before she/they were fired.

I would talk to his wife and see if they are divorcing.

I am NOT suggesting you reconcile. I would divorce her and enjoy destroying him in the process, teaching my children to stand up for themselves in the process.

The big problem here is she sees him as more of a man than you. He takes what he wants and she doesn't see you as fighting for your family, subconsciously at least.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> There is no chance of reconciliation unless the affair is over. That is the whole point of exposure.
> 
> Sounds like this might be a revenge affair on his part for his wife's cheating.
> 
> ...


Yes:iagree:


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

theexpendable said:


> At this point, I'd still be willing to try R with very strict boundaries. Even though she has taken me to rock bottom and shown no remorse or still hasn't come clean with answers, I'd still give it a shot because I do love her and my son more than anything. I want nothing more than for us to be a family again. On the flipside, I'm fully prepared to finish up the divorce and move on if that's what it comes to and at this point it seems like the fog is still strong.



Sorry, but you don't get that choice. She's already made it. You have the tape! She is stringing you along until Prince Charming can make his way to her. You heard it with your own ears. Forget HER Fog. You need to wake up to your true circumstance as well.

Please check out Rookie04's thread. He did this stuff correctly.

It took his wife TWO YEARS to pull her head out of her ass.

So your wife is nowhere near ready to come clean...yet.

Continue with the divorce and DO NOT make her life in any way shape or form comfortable. Be 'civilized' at least in as far as you don't scream at her or do things deliberately to hurt her. 

Do NOT think you can 'nice' her into changing her mind. Do NOT do her ANY favors. She is DIVORCING you. She has given up ALL rights to your time outside of scheduled time with your boy.

So that means 'can you look after Rodney at 3" you say no. WHY? Because even though it's more time with Rodney, it's time SHE wants to do something. Play. Get nookie. Whatever. You are not her babysitter so she can screw around. Let HER schedule her dates around YOU. YOU don't be there for her dates.

It's a subtle point.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

JCD said:


> Please check out Rookie04's thread. He did this stuff correctly.
> 
> It took his wife TWO YEARS to pull her head out of her ass.


Don't check this. JCD read Rookies's story wrong. Just a mistake, I'm sure.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Acabado said:


> Don't check this. JCD read Rookies's story wrong. Just a mistake, I'm sure.


Hmm.

I wasn't clear. Rookie4 (not 04) threw his wife out and exposed her. He divorced her without looking back and two years later, after a lot of self analysis and counseling, his wife grew into a person who he was willing to take back.

OP, on the other hand, has a woman who by her own words is blowing smoke up his butt. She isn't remorseful and is still planning on leaving him.

And the OP is still STRONGLY in favor of R. It is of course his call, but really...based upon what?

My suggestion was based upon the man's sense of self worth and character.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I know where you come from JCD and I agree with your advice to OP. Also in which threir WWs are completely different, more than your post seemed to imply. My remark was about this piece


> It took his wife TWO YEARS to pull her head out of her ass.


 Truth is rookie's wife pulled her head out of her ass very quickly, almost immediately, she didn't take 2 years to do so, it was the time rookie toke to consider giving her a new chance ans she was taht persistent. It's a miracle she didn't give up on a potential R with him becasue it's obvious to me she never gave up on herself.
Maybe becasue I know rookie's wife also read TAM I felt the need to point it out.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

You keep referring to R, yet she has not offered remorse. There can be no reconciliation by yourself, unless she is remorseful there is nothing to reconcile. Communication with her should be over kids, money or legal issues only. Other than that you have nothing to talk about to her....period. She needs to feel the affects of her decisions.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Waiting to expose never works.

Sometimes I think the cheater plays a silent game, offering a good deal and hoping you won't expose so as not to ruin it.
Of course, when push comes to shove later on, the cheater goes ahead and asks for a lot more anyway, at the insistence of their parents, their lawyer, etc.

Or else you do decide to reconcile and you find out that the worst of your mind movies comes from the sexual escapades that you might have prevented if only you had exposed earlier.

I'm sure if you search hard enough you can find an odd case here and there where waiting to expose paid off, where the cheater didn't play bait-and-switch with their negotiations. It may take some time, though. On the other hand, it shouldn't be too hard to find a thread where waiting to expose led to either not being able to expose or the exposure being meaningless later on, with none of the anticipated financial advantage originally hoped for.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

These are facts:
1. Your wife and her coworker started an affair at work

2. Your wife left her job and took a similar job at a different school

3. Your wife played you by having you believe that the affair was over

4. Your wife continued to play you by attending counseling with no intention of R

5. Your wife's bf is concerned with his perception by the community at large

6. Your wife had no qualms about divorce and is being generous in the divorce

7. Your wife's bf has a good reason for leaving his wife - but also has a reason for a non-rancorous settlement with her because of the kids

My opinion (since I have seen this very behavior IRL):
They decided they are in "true love" and made a plan which went like this:

In order to appear to be upstanding citizens and teachers, they decided to continue their affair away from prying eyes. 

Thus your wife found a different job. 

To appear like a good woman she attended counseling and put "cheating" behind her (in your eyes only). 

Once her divorce is over he can smoothly move in as an "innocent friend" who left his cheating wife. 

IMO they are devious beyond belief. Well, most cheater are - so may not beyond belief.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

A lot of betrayed spouses who come here are terrified of losing that last shred of hope that they can reconcile. 

They then play out their moves so timidly that their fear of losing that last shred of hope becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But the cheaters aren't afraid of losing the marriage or hurting their kids. In the end, in these cases, the marriage is lost and the kids are hurt, anyway.

My best advice is to act naturally. Don't suppress your feelings or your actions out of fear. If your spouse cheats on you and you are extremely angry, let them know about it, don't choke it down because you are afraid that they will get mad and leave you if you show your honest emotions.

If the other man has attacked your marriage and blown up your life, fight back and attack his marriage and blow up his life, don't suppress it because you are afraid you MIGHT have to pay a little more or your wife MIGHT not want to reconcile.

If you look at these threads, the betrayed spouses who behave this way have much better success at attempting reconciliation than those that don't.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

Right now I plan on waiting as I'm getting a good deal. I'm getting shared 50/50, no child support, none of her debt, she doesn't get any of my 401k etc. She was filing for primary as when we first started and now we are at this stage. I think that's because she is scared of the court room and having my lawyer rip her a new one in front her family and friends. So I'm good with where I'm at in the D and that's why I want to wait before blowing it up to coworkers, church, family etc. Once the papers are signed and its final then I will expose the hell out of him. I plan on putting in the papers that she can't have any overnight stays with the opposite sex the nights she has our son. If her plan is to get with him asap and that's why she is being so agreeable I'm sure I'll know it once she reads that provision.

I do realize I'm wishful thinking in hoping we can R and that has a snowball's chance in hell but I'm willing to keep that idea in the back of my head. As I said earlier, I'm ready to go through the D without looking back. If she comes to her senses and wakes up after the D and wants to try R then we can talk. I think she has to fall on her a$$ and hit rock bottom before that happens. It seems like he would have already started the process of separating or D if he really wanted to be with my wife. Not sure why he would delay so she very well could be dumped by 2 guys.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Gabriel said:


> I think it is smart to hold off on cheaterville, further exposure, etc, until your D is settled and she can't cancel it and ask for more. She will likely be very protective of the OM, so if you destroy him, she'll likely stop being so nice in the D.
> 
> But once that is settled and the ink is dry, bury his ass.


I somehow doubt this will happen, it will be the old debate of "since your divorced exposure is for revenge" whereas exposing now is to give the best opportunity for stopping the affair and saving the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

If your wife is that far gone then I agree that exposure at this point will gain you nothing. Best to wait until the D is finalized.

Please stop worrying about why the POSOM is or is not doing what you consider logical. You do not have all the facts about his relationship with his wife so do not try to figure it out.

From what you have written so far you should get the D and not be surprised at what your WW and POSOM do after. It will not be logical to you and you will not understand how two adults can be that devious and evil.

Focus on taking care of yourself and your child. Your future ex-wife is not your problem after the D. Accept the fact that your marriage is gone forever and you cannot wave a magic wand to get back to the way things were years ago. You will never understand why or how she could have done what she did. The only healthy thing for you now is to move on.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

If you expose and break up the affair at least you know who won't be your sons new step dad. Personally I would crush his worthless a$$.

Who knows, you may get along with him fine.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *Quote of Theexpendable*
> Right now I plan on waiting as I'm getting a good deal. I'm getting shared 50/50, no child support, none of her debt, she doesn't get any of my 401k etc. She was filing for primary as when we first started and now we are at this stage. I think that's because she is scared of the court room and having my lawyer rip her a new one in front her family and friends. So I'm good with where I'm at in the D and that's why I want to wait before blowing it up to coworkers, church, family etc. Once the papers are signed and its final then I will expose the hell out of him. I plan on putting in the papers that she can't have any overnight stays with the opposite sex the nights she has our son. If her plan is to get with him asap and that's why she is being so agreeable I'm sure I'll know it once she reads that provision.
> 
> I do realize I'm wishful thinking in hoping we can R and that has a snowball's chance in hell but I'm willing to keep that idea in the back of my head. As I said earlier, I'm ready to go through the D without looking back. If she comes to her senses and wakes up after the D and wants to try R then we can talk. I think she has to fall on her a$$ and hit rock bottom before that happens. It seems like he would have already started the process of separating or D if he really wanted to be with my wife. Not sure why he would delay so she very well could be dumped by 2 guys.





Expendable
*Your plan is excellent!!!*

Your getting 50/50 child sharing and free from financial support is very important. I do not know how old you are but an average working man takes decades to build up his 401K so that he can retire. *If she takes half your 401K you may not be able to build up enough for a good retirement*. This will be of extreme importance to you in a few years. I know right now the emotions of being cheated on are dominating but your plan shows that you have a good head on your shoulders. For right now use your head; later you can address the emotional damage and desires.

As for your wife wanting to R again I see it this way. There is a very high chance that your wife will want to R again either this year of sometime in the future. Why? Because the OM is not going to alienate his children for a woman that he cannot trust. If he does he is a weakling and he will make tour wife miserable. In addition, he will have to give his wife some of his resources if they D. That will mean that finances will come into play sooner or later. Also, your wife will realize several things in the future and one of them is that she will not have her child full time. She will some day have to face the reality that she not only hurt her marriage and her self respect, she hurt innocent children.

When two married people cheat on their spouses and then they get together they almost never stay together and when they do they have both compromise and settled for a mediocre relationship at best. The divorce rate for two cheaters is very high

I know that you want your wife to R, wake up, and run to you stating that she made the biggest mistake of her life and that you will always be number one with her and she will never put anything before you. I have been dealing with families in my work for over 30 years and I have never seen that happen. Am I saying that it is impossible? NO, but I suggest that you realize that life is a gamble and the chance of that happening are as about the same as the lottery. She may say those things to you about R but implementing them is very very rare!

*Do whatever you have to do to get what you can from the divorce papers and then you can always R or out everybody. The divorce decree lasts a life time, your emotions over your wife do not have to last a long time.*

BLUNT


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

TDSC60 said:


> If your wife is that far gone then I agree that exposure at this point will gain you nothing. Best to wait until the D is finalized.
> 
> Please stop worrying about why the POSOM is or is not doing what you consider logical. You do not have all the facts about his relationship with his wife so do not try to figure it out.
> 
> ...


Believe me, I try and try to not worry about what she's doing or what he's up to and planning. I try not to think about putting together a timeline of when they could have met up. I try to not decipher the lies. I can't seem to shut my mind off and move forward. It's only been about a month so I don't know how much I can expect as far as recovery. Being completely blindsided by this deep of a betrayal and the fact that it went on for so long without getting answers or an explanation from the person you've been with since your junior year of high school hurts like no other. Thanks for the advice guys. It's nice to have such a great support group that has been there done that.


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## jnj express (Mar 28, 2011)

None of this is gonna go away anytime soon, as to what your sub--conscious is putting you thru---you just have to face the world day by day---and the world does not seem to include your wife---

You keep bringing up---what was/used to be, in re: your mge----NONE OF THAT EXISTS ANYMORE----what is it that you do not understand---your wife has made it VERY CLEAR---she is moving on---it is time for you to do the same

Unless you are in a fault state---the courtroom proceedings will be cut and dry--controlled by law/tables/charts---the judge will figure it all out---tell you the way it will be---and that will be it---get used to it---that is what your life has/will become---for whatever reason---your wife has moved on

As to E-mailing every teacher that could backfire, depending---your best bet as I said before--is to go to a public school board meeting, and make your statement for the public record---then let the chips fall where they will


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dude you are ejecting from a marriage with lifetime alimony possibilities with NO alimony. 

I know this seems like BS but. Dude there are millions of betrayed men who have to pay their lying wh0re wives thousands a month to fvck other men!

IF you decide to R. D then date. Restart that clock!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

theexpendable said:


> Right now I plan on waiting as I'm getting a good deal. I'm getting shared 50/50, no child support, none of her debt, she doesn't get any of my 401k etc. She was filing for primary as when we first started and now we are at this stage. I think that's because she is scared of the court room and having my lawyer rip her a new one in front her family and friends. So I'm good with where I'm at in the D and that's why I want to wait before blowing it up to coworkers, church, family etc. Once the papers are signed and its final then I will expose the hell out of him. I plan on putting in the papers that she can't have any overnight stays with the opposite sex the nights she has our son. If her plan is to get with him asap and that's why she is being so agreeable I'm sure I'll know it once she reads that provision.
> 
> I do realize I'm wishful thinking in hoping we can R and that has a snowball's chance in hell but I'm willing to keep that idea in the back of my head. As I said earlier, I'm ready to go through the D without looking back. If she comes to her senses and wakes up after the D and wants to try R then we can talk. I think she has to fall on her a$$ and hit rock bottom before that happens. It seems like he would have already started the process of separating or D if he really wanted to be with my wife. Not sure why he would delay so she very well could be dumped by 2 guys.


Get the legal divorce finalized and then put him and her on cheaterville and expose to everyone. Then sit back and see if it implodes and she comes crawling back.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

turnera said:


> Get the legal divorce finalized and then put him and her on cheaterville and expose to everyone. Then sit back and see if it implodes and she comes crawling back.


Get the settlement asap before she changes her mind which most of the time they do that's why exposure the sooner the better. If she doesn't sign something in the next few weeks fire away.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

I agree with Blunt. I give lots of advice on here about how guys can change their physique and demeanor to become more attractive to their women's subconscious, which is where the woman's adulterous instincts usually take root, but let's face it: your wife's been having an affair for 2 years, 18 months of it without you guessing anything was up. The contempt they build up for you as a spouse while they are cuckolding you becomes very intense. After all, if you were really her soul mate, you would have magically sensed her adultery. Since you didn't, you are a vile imposter keeping her away from her long lost Prince Charming who is out there somewhere.

In the case of "Christian" women (you mention church exposure) this contempt for the cuckold often comes with a chaser of toxic shame. You'd think they would repent and get straight if they were ashamed, but it's more common by far that they double down and go Megaslvt when the OM stays with his BW. It's a remarkable thing to watch.

And that toxic shame + false pride is why you will _never_ get an apology from your WW. In fact, however she may some day be willing to explain how the whole thing was your fault. Which it truly was. In her mind.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

theexpendable said:


> I know that's the risk I take. I can't just throw away 14 years at the flip of a switch especially with kids involved.


She already threw it away, there's nothing you can do about this. Its not up to you.



> I have no idea what she's thinking even if R is even an option for her. Part of me can't seem to let the possibility of R go. I'm trying hard to 180 and get past her but I can't stop thinking about what we had.


This is you living in the past. R is not an option, she made that clear already. You can't force her to R, she has to want it just as bad, if not worse than you. That is not the case here.



> I honestly feel like she is in a brainwashed state and like she doesn't realize what is going on.


This is you wanting to justify her behavior so you'll have an excuse to R after what she has done to you. You know in the back of your mind your dignity will take a hit if you take her back.



> I could be totally wrong and she could be there mentally and not give a sh!t about me or getting back together.


ATM this is most likely the case.



> I have a hard time dealing with how somebody can give all of that up for some POS that she thinks she loves.


Denial is a powerful thing.



> I know I can't control her or fix things by myself and that's the hardest thing to swallow. I just have to let the cards fall where they may and try to move on but that's easier said than done in my case.


It is easier said but it MUST be done. You really don't have any other options. You are trying to fight a battle in a war you already lost.

The good news is once you accept your situation for what it is and realize you can't change it and just throw in the towel, you'll feel 100x better. Most of the frustration is from trying to control the situation when the only thing you can control is yourself. 



> Everybody tells me 6 months and you won't give a sh!t but it really doesn't seem to be getting any easier. I know I hold on to too much of the past and need to let it go and am trying but this all feels so wrong.


It feels wrong because you are afraid. Once you do let go you'll regret not doing it sooner. Letting go is your saving grace and once you finally do then you'll find things will start to fall into place for you. I know, I've been there.

You need to understand she is not causing this pain, you are doing it to yourself. You can stop the rollercoaster ride by simply getting off and not playing anymore. Tell yourself "I did all I could and now I can walk away with a clear conscience" and then do it. She is no longer your problem.

Your W doesn't want you anymore, stop wasting your time trying to force her to stay for your own benefit. Let her go and if she fails, she fails. In time you'll find that you can do better.


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

ArmyofJuan, that is a great post with some great advice. I know everybody has been telling me this from the getgo. I just have to let her go and take myself out of this game. Appreciate it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You have gotten great advice from many viewpoints bottom line is take charge of your life now however you see fit and move on you will be happy again.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

theexpendable said:


> Believe me, I try and try to not worry about what she's doing or what he's up to and planning. I try not to think about putting together a timeline of when they could have met up. I try to not decipher the lies. I can't seem to shut my mind off and move forward. It's only been about a month so I don't know how much I can expect as far as recovery. Being completely blindsided by this deep of a betrayal and the fact that it went on for so long without getting answers or an explanation from the person you've been with since your junior year of high school hurts like no other. Thanks for the advice guys. It's nice to have such a great support group that has been there done that.


You need to find a counselor with infidelity and more importantly PTSD experience immediately. This is some of the worst trauma a person can go through. Save your self years of pain and do this.

Your kids are going to need counseling too.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> I somehow doubt this will happen, it will be the old debate of "since your divorced exposure is for revenge" whereas exposing now is to give the best opportunity for stopping the affair and saving the marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I assumed R had 0% chance. If that is the case, it's all about protecting his assets. Exacting revenge can come after.

Now, if he is trying to R, exposure is necessary, but it seemed clear this marriage was over.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Gabriel said:


> I assumed R had 0% chance. If that is the case, it's all about protecting his assets. Exacting revenge can come after.
> 
> Now, if he is trying to R, exposure is necessary, but it seemed clear this marriage was over.


True but he doesn't realize that quite...


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## theexpendable (May 9, 2013)

I think I realize it more and more every day but haven't fully accepted it yet. Hopefully that day is coming when I can let go and have no worries. Maybe once the D goes through I'll be happier and can let go of those thoughts and what could have beens.


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