# 3 things you wish your husband would start/stop?



## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Hello ladies

What are three things you wish your husband would start doing?

1.
2. 
3. 

Which of 1,2,3 has he done before? 

How long has it been since he 

1. 
2. 
3. 

Explain what you have done to let him know you want him to start

1. 
2. 
3. 

How long does he have to start before you go nuts on him?

1. 
2. 
3. 

What are three things you wish your husband would stop doing?

1.
2. 
3. 

How often does he do

1. 
2. 
3. 

Explain what you have done to let him know you want him to stop

1. 
2. 
3. 

How long does he have to stop before you go nuts on him?

1. 
2. 
3.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Yeah, I'm not being sucked into this one. I'm pretty sure I'll be told by some of the rabid male posters on TAM that I'm being ridiculous and my concerns aren't valid.

ETA: To be honest, I don't think TAM is a safe place for women to post anymore.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

soccermom2three said:


> Yeah, I'm not being sucked into this one. I'm pretty sure I'll be told by some of the rabid male posters on TAM that I'm being ridiculous and my concerns aren't valid.
> 
> ETA: To be honest, I don't think TAM is a safe place for women to post anymore.


You're being ridiculous and your concerns aren't valid. (JK LOL)

Sincerely,

Rabid Male

P.S. The boogey man is on his way with a bottle of wine to give you a hug

For the record, I am asking so I can be a better husband with a window into my wife's thoughts she may not share unless it's anonymous. I bet there are others like me. 

Feel free to take your marbles and head home but this wasn't meant to upset anyone. 

Never forget you can take anonymous strangers input to heart or ignore it completely. It's hardly unsafe either way IMHO. 

What is a touch unsafe is losing control of your emotions past the point of good reason because some at times bitter, hurting, emotionally charged strangers disagree with you.

If the thread takes off and the participation is either sincere or in good fun, I am sure the answers will be either be helpful or entertaining and maybe both. 

I am sorry you are not feeling safe but maybe your point will be a wake up call for some making it better.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

I had a feeling you were asking because you want to improve your own marriage and that is awesome. 

It's just that there have been some recent threads where some posters clearly diminish a woman's perspective or concerns. Unfortunately, it also appears that these same posters do not want to take any accountability in the demise of their own relationships.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

soccermom2three said:


> these same posters do not want to take any accountability in the demise of their own relationships.


Very transparent though. Every level headed poster sees through those that are emotionally unable to consider an alternative point of view. 

Part of the learning experience for me has been learning that there are clearly more people that can not be reached regardless of the level of detail, logic or fairness presented because they absolutely can not chill out long enough to consider any other point of view. 

Second, I also learned I am lucky my wife does consider my opposing point of view and I hers so we can make things better and put some growth in our history. 

Third, that some marriages can not be fixed because the vital ingredients are just not there. That is another reason I feel blessed with an intelligent, reasonable, considerate wife that is still willing to work on our $hit to make things progressively more satisfying and able to get thru challenges as they come up.

Some here so bad, so predictable and so repetitious I have started experimenting with the ignore feature to see if I miss the entertainment value of their stupidity.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

YupItsMe said:


> *Very transparent though*. Every level headed poster sees through those that are emotionally *unable to consider an alternative point of view*.
> 
> Part of the learning experience for me has been learning that there are clearly more people that can not be reached regardless of the level of detail, logic or fairness presented because they absolutely can not chill out long enough to consider any other point of view.
> 
> ...



It is a very sad state of affair when members are far too hurt and thus unbalanced to the point where they are unable to consider another's POV.

But on the same coin are the posters who cannot see that their POV was considered...and rejected. Not that I'm suggesting this is you YupItsMe.

Your questionnaire above is perplexing to me. If I had 3 things I wanted my h to change I would tell HIM. If I had a time line on when I expect them changed, Id be really stupid to withhold that info from him, right? Add to that women are not very easy to broad sweep so taking your cue from women of TAM on what might annoy your wife might be a fun exercise, it probably won't be pertinent to your wife.

However....

I wish my H would remember to put more milk in my coffee than in his. We've been married for 30 years so I won't be losing my SH!t over it any time soon. Sometimes he remembers, sometimes he is rushed, other times he is just half asleep.

And before anyone *****es about me getting my own coffee...whoever gets up first makes the coffee and brings the other a cup. Usually him because he is a morning person and I am decidedly NOT. But once or twice a week I will be the first one up.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Your questionnaire above is perplexing to me. If I had 3 things I wanted my h to change I would tell HIM. If I had a time line on when I expect them changed, Id be really stupid to withhold that info from him, right? Add to that women are not very easy to broad sweep so taking your cue from women of TAM on what might annoy your wife might be a fun exercise, it probably won't be pertinent to your wife.
> 
> However....
> 
> I wish my H would remember to put more milk in my coffee than in his. We've been married for 30 years so I won't be losing my SH!t over it any time soon. Sometimes he remembers, sometimes he is rushed, other times he is just half asleep


I agree that asking anonymous women on the internet this question, while likely to generate interesting answers, will do very little to give insight into your own wife, OP. Asking _her_ the questions, and providing a safe atmosphere for her to answer them honestly, will be much more useful to you. 

AP, my ex-husband and I were together for 21 years. In all that time, he never failed to put ketchup on things for me or to offer me ketchup every time it was available. Even though I'd been very clear countless times that I detest ketchup. He always seemed surprised when I mentioned disliking it. I could never decide if he really just wasn't paying attention at all, or if it was a passive-aggressive way of assuring that he'd get to eat my fries.....


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Ok so we got milk and ketchup. 

I can use that!

Kidding. 

1. Pay attention to the little details that demonstrate you care about your wife
2. Not paying attention can look like listening while being passive-aggressive about something important to your wife

I fail to see how this is perplexing or how the point is missed that insights can be gleaned from the answers that have little to do with the details.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

The thing I would most like from my husband is for him to acknowledge what he sees in my heart, even when I cannot, without my having to beg, crawl, and scream for it.

Occasionally he will do it, so I know he can. But there is such a difference in the level of emotional intensity between us that I feel like I am always left wanting.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

jld said:


> The thing I would most like from my husband is for him to acknowledge what he sees in my heart...


At the risk of sounding dense(r) what do you mean by seeing what is in your heart?

I'm reading it as understanding when you are distressed without the need for you to write in the air in letters of fire or shout it over a bullhorn.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> I had a feeling you were asking because you want to improve your own marriage and that is awesome.
> 
> It's just that there have been some recent threads where some posters clearly diminish a woman's perspective or concerns. Unfortunately, it also appears that these same posters do not want to take any accountability in the demise of their own relationships.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

ocotillo said:


> At the risk of sounding dense(r) what do you mean by seeing what is in your heart?
> 
> I'm reading it as understanding when you are distressed without the need for you to write in the air in letters of fire or shout it over a bullhorn.


My husband knows me inside out. He can put his finger right on my feelings most of the time, _if he feels like doing it_. 

I want to be one flesh, one spirit with him. I want to move in harmony with him, be of one essence. I want to be as close to him as possible. 

But because he is not sensitive himself, and does not need a deep level of emotional connection with me, he does not necessarily make efforts to reach out to meet that need in me. I end up begging and crying and screaming for it. And then I might get it.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

That sounds absolutely exhausting to me.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

YupItsMe said:


> Ok so we got milk and ketchup.
> 
> I can use that!
> 
> ...


Excellent!

This, what you posted above is the lesson that should have been gleaned from the "WAW thread" in ladies and the "why women leave" thread in men's.

You took specific annoyances; things that in the grand scheme of life are minor minutia and could be seen as nagging and turned it into a lesson on the big picture. PAY ATTENTION! Failure to do so results in your wife feeling ignored and marginalized.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Cletus said:


> That sounds absolutely exhausting to me.


Well, it is intense. But that is part of what he likes about me. He told me my high expectations make him a better man.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Healer said:


>


Haha, thank you for making my point.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> Haha, thank you for making my point.


If you think my post "diminishes women's perspectives" and shows that I "don't take accountability for the demise of my own relationships", you're more than a little confused, and obviously harbor some seriously misguided hatred towards men. I certainly don't paint all women with the same brush. I'm sad for you.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

You need to re-read my post.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

jld said:


> Well, it is intense. But that is part of what he likes about me. He told me my high expectations make him a better man.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Begging and crying for attention is what he likes about you? Do you like beg and cry ?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

jld said:


> I want to be one flesh, one spirit with him. I want to move in harmony with him, be of one essence. I want to be as close to him as possible.


This is the part he likes, Wanda.


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## Joe Cool (Feb 24, 2015)

I wanna be of one essence but maybe only like on Tuesdays from 2 to 4. 

I got chit ta do.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> You need to re-read my post.


I read the same post and came to his same conclusion. Probably because you stated one particular genders opinion is being diminished on here when the truth is some posters here diminish other genders thoughts and opinions in pretty much every thread they are in. Those posters are both men and women. I have experienced this as well in multiple threads. So his two way street probably had more to do with that.


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> You need to re-read my post.


I did. And?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> Yeah, I'm not being sucked into this one. I'm pretty sure I'll be told by some of the rabid male posters on TAM that I'm being ridiculous and my concerns aren't valid.
> 
> ETA: To be honest, I don't think TAM is a safe place for women to post anymore.


We will get you!! Mwahahahaha!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Greetings thread jackers. 

Feel free to start your own thread on "diminishing the value of the gender opposite your own's opinions, judgment, comprehension abilities and worth to a discussion about subjects that involve both genders in all cases but a minority called homosexuals

LOL


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I was actually quite interested in female input here. I learned something from AP and I am trying to figure out jld.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

Yea I was only teasing. This is just as interesting as the "Why men leave husbands they love" except it's even more on point. 

Answer: Because at least some men and some women see the same thing differently as they look thru only their own prism and have never adequately enough seen nor know of the existence of nor ventured toward nor seeked out the other genders prism nor are they equipped to consider the 5 w's of an alternative point of view as their ego and emotions are too fully invested to allow reasoning to occur.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

jld said:


> This is the part he likes, Wanda.


but you still have to beg and cry for it. does that work for you like this?


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Begging, crying, and screaming would be one sure fire way of NOT getting what I need from my husband. I think if I pitched a fit like that, he'd laugh and walk out of the room.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

karole said:


> Begging, crying, and screaming would be one sure fire way of NOT getting what I need from my husband. I think if I pitched a fit like that,* he'd laugh and walk out of the room.*


Exactly! That's the quickest way I know to send my man out for a LOOOONG solo motorcycle ride.

:lol:


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> I read the same post and came to his same conclusion. Probably because you stated one particular genders opinion is being diminished on here when the truth is some posters here diminish other genders thoughts and opinions in pretty much every thread they are in. Those posters are both men and women. I have experienced this as well in multiple threads. So his two way street probably had more to do with that.



Again, you need to re-read but I'll point it out. I said "some". 

Being defensive tells me all I need to know though.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Some women may use the silent treatment to remind their husbands that something is missing. Mine raises her voice. 

If I were paying attention in the first place, it would not happen.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Duguesclin said:


> The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Some women may use the silent treatment to remind their husbands that something is missing. Mine raises her voice.
> 
> If I were paying attention in the first place, it would not happen.


Mine just wiggles and nothing else in the universe exists.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

soccermom2three said:


> Again, you need to re-read but I'll point it out. I said "some".
> 
> Being defensive tells me all I need to know though.


Right, and "some" women are guilty of the same thing, hence the image.

All you need to know, hey? Glad you have us all figured out.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

soccermom2three said:


> Again, you need to re-read but I'll point it out. I said "some".
> 
> Being defensive tells me all I need to know though.


:rofl:

I wasn't being defensive I was pointing out that your post came across as one sided that only women, the word you used, posts were being diminished. It's not just women. 

I do find it somewhat funny that you just did to me, diminshed my post, when you clearly see that others do that as well and called it out. I think it should be called out as well. Just needs to be done equally

But your right think we see what we need to know. I wasn't interested in starting anything just thought you might be interested in how some interpreted your post was all.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
why? Have I missed something? "not safe?"



soccermom2three said:


> snip
> ETA: To be honest, I don't think TAM is a safe place for women to post anymore.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

richardsharpe said:


> Good evening
> why? Have I missed something? "not safe?"


Not safe as in the jaded and bitter type of responses that are growing in number around here. Not from you RS but it is on the rise and is the reason many of us are taking our discussions into the private area.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Holland said:


> Not safe as in the jaded and bitter type of responses that are growing in number around here. Not from you RS but it is on the rise and is the reason many of us are taking our discussions into the private area.


Sorry to hear that. Being thick skulled, I might have missed it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Sorry to hear that. Being thick skulled, I might have missed it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


just check WAW thread in women's lounge, where women were trying to explain why they walked away, or might be in the future. The same men who were diminishing what they wives were saying before walked away, are diminishing what women are saying there too. it start looking like a pattern.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

WandaJ said:


> just check WAW thread in women's lounge, where women were trying to explain why they walked away, or might be in the future. The same men who were diminishing what they wives were saying before walked away, are diminishing what women are saying there too. it start looking like a pattern.


Thanks Wanda.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Three things I wish he would start doing?
Meh, I am sure there are some. But in the big picture, he is pretty awesome, so I let them go.

Three things I wish he would stop doing?
Meh, I am sure there are some. But in the big picture, he is pretty awesome, so I let them go.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

WandaJ said:


> just check WAW thread in women's lounge, where women were trying to explain why they walked away, or might be in the future. The same men who were diminishing what they wives were saying before walked away, are diminishing what women are saying there too. it start looking like a pattern.


There were a lot of unkind things said on that thread.


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## 1marriedlady (Mar 27, 2015)

Three things I wish he'd do:
1. Make out
2. Cuddle
3. Be more social

Three things I wish he'd stop:
1. He does this loud obnoxious yawn - I HATE IT
2. The same old same old sex routine
3. A wet lip smacking kiss - I have to wipe my face afterwards.


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