# Relationship with my son starting to be affected because of my dil



## diamondp12 (Mar 6, 2016)

Hello,

I am just new here and feeling a ton of distress over an issue concerning my daughter in law and subsequently with my son. 

Some background: I have 2 daughters and a son both grown. I help both of my daughters far more with their kids because they need it. They both live in different cities a couple of hours from my husband and I whereas my son and his wife and child live in the same town, yet we see them the least.

My one daughter and her husband are both surgeons with a 7 year old son. Due to the nature of their jobs and active social lives, they understandably rely on more assistance with childcare than does my son and daughter in law, despite the fact they have a disabled daughter. Between full time private school, a live in nanny, and my husband and I on many evenings and weekends, my daughter has successfully launched her prestigious care and this has been her child care system since her son was born. My husband and I also paid for her 16 years of education.

My other daughter has been a stay at home mother for 12 years and because she has 2 kids I also help her a great deal. She is married to a busy professor. Between her husband's paternity leave, a cleaning lady, a mother's helper/nanny and myself and husband, she has been able to successfully rear her children to date. My husband and I also regularly accompany both of my daughters on family trips to help them with their children.

My son and daughter in law are a whole other kettle of fish. They are both in university part time and have low paying part time jobs. We do NOT help them financially. They say they do this to best support their daughter. 

My daughter in law seems to think she is so amazing and better than my daughters and I because she works, is furthering her education AND works part time and has a clean house. As if she is superwoman or something. If I EVER compare her to my daughters and how they do things (ie having a prestigious job and nanny or a daughter who gets to stay home and cares more about her kids than a clean house), she gets very short. It has come to the point she will avoid family events including my other grandkids birthday parties and just buys a gift and sends my son and granddaughter to go because she needs "very firm" boundaries with us. She acts so superior by mailing my daughters, husband and I greeting cards for EVERY occasion like mother's day when none of us ever reciprocate. She will have flowers delivered to the 3 of us for milestone birthdays and anniversaries, yet has NO money to do so and knows it. We do not reciprocate except occasionally send an email acknowledging those events, to which she won't even bother responding. 

The other day it was my son and daughter in law's first milestone anniversary which of course neither of my daughters acknowledged because they aren't like my daughter in law who goes and makes a big deal of theirs by sending cards or flowers. My son asked if we could watch their daughter for an hour at our place so the 2 of them could go mini-putting, which we agreed to. When they got home I nicely said "Happy anniversary. Did you two receive my card?" my daughter in law said no, and so I replied "that's too bad. I must have forgotten to buy one or maybe I put it in the office upstairs. Oh well". She looked at me like hell!!

She is also nothing like my family. She has tattoos (although mostly hidden), is a recovering alcoholic and had a brother commit suicide. We do NOT acknowledge these things. It's embarrassing. My family doesn't have issues like that. 

Please help. Please- I am so anxious and distressed by this. I appreciate any and all feedback to alleviate this.
Thank you SO much


----------



## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

diamondp12 said:


> My son and daughter in law are a whole other kettle of fish. They are both in university part time and have low paying part time jobs. We do NOT help them financially. They say they do this to best support their daughter.


So you support your daughters with your time, but don't support your Son and Daughter-in-law. [Sarcasm]Can't see how that wouldn't cause resentment.[/Sarcasm]



diamondp12 said:


> My daughter in law seems to think she is so amazing and better than my daughters and I because she works, is furthering her education AND works part time and has a clean house. As if she is superwoman or something. If I EVER compare her to my daughters and how they do things (ie having a prestigious job and nanny or a daughter who gets to stay home and cares more about her kids than a clean house), she gets very short.


Why would you compare your DIL to your daughters? That's kind of obnoxious and rude.



diamondp12 said:


> It has come to the point she will avoid family events including my other grandkids birthday parties and just buys a gift and sends my son and granddaughter to go because she needs "very firm" boundaries with us.


If my mother in law was always comparing me to her daughters, I wouldn't want to attend family events either. 




diamondp12 said:


> She acts so superior by mailing my daughters, husband and I greeting cards for EVERY occasion like mother's day when none of us ever reciprocate. She will have flowers delivered to the 3 of us for milestone birthdays and anniversaries, yet has NO money to do so and knows it. We do not reciprocate except occasionally send an email acknowledging those events, to which she won't even bother responding.
> 
> The other day it was my son and daughter in law's first milestone anniversary which of course neither of my daughters acknowledged because they aren't like my daughter in law who goes and makes a big deal of theirs by sending cards or flowers. My son asked if we could watch their daughter for an hour at our place so the 2 of them could go mini-putting, which we agreed to. When they got home I nicely said "Happy anniversary. Did you two receive my card?" my daughter in law said no, and so I replied "that's too bad. I must have forgotten to buy one or maybe I put it in the office upstairs. Oh well". She looked at me like hell!!


I really don't see how sending presents and acknowledging events in one's lives is acting superior. It's obvious to her that those things are important to her. It must really hurt her feelings that you don't reciprocate. 




diamondp12 said:


> She is also nothing like my family. She has tattoos (although mostly hidden), is a recovering alcoholic and had a brother commit suicide. We do NOT acknowledge these things. It's embarrassing. My family doesn't have issues like that.


None of that should be considered embarrassing. It really sounds like you are the one who acts superior. 

I am of two minds. 1) I am having a hard believing that this post isn't from a troll trying to get a reaction, just because it's so off the wall.
2) In case you aren't a troll...here's my advice. You are the problem. You give much more to your other children and leave your son and DIL out. You offend her on a regular basis by comparing her to your daughters. And it would be hard to imagine that your comment about forgetting to send a card was anything but an attempt to hurt her feelings. 

If your son is a good man, he's eventually going to have make a choice. Your level of disrespect to his wife will become unbearable to him, and you will eventually lose him.


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I get why your daughter in law doesn't like you.

Always being compared to your daughters? Favoring them with your attention and help.

That card thing you did..I wouldn't like you either if I were your daughter in law. Such a passive aggressive BS move.

Some people send nice things to others on milestones. A simple thank you would suffice instead of being ungrateful.

how do you know they can't afford or can afford something? You have their financial records at your fingertips?

Maybe she doesn't need you to reciprocate? Maybe not even say thank you.

Seems you have a problem with her being different from you and yours. So what, she has tattoos. Recovering alcoholic is not an active alcoholic (there's a difference).


Maybe you should look to what your behavior is first to see why she may be reacting with firm boundaries. Seems like you never did approve of your sons choice in wife and mother of his child.



Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

So, she has some discrete tattoos and had a brother who was so mentally disturbed that he killed himself?

Yeah, there's a fiend at work here, I can sense...


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> So, she has some discrete tattoos and had a brother who was so mentally disturbed that he killed himself?
> 
> Yeah, there's a fiend at work here, I can sense...


I didn't even bother addressing it myself because her brother's suicide is none of her mother in law's business...

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

Wow. I can't believe how much help a stay at home mum needs with cleaning and child care. Kudos to your daughter in law for having her life in order and not needing more help when she works and still has a clean house and manages to look after her kids without having so much help. 
She also is nice enough to send flowers and cards on important dates even though no one seems to appreciate them. She sounds like a strong woman! 
You on the other hand seem like a horrible MIL. No offense but you really do. You seem to look down on her so much, it's amazing she even let's you be apart of her life with the way you talk about her and to her. The poor lady.


----------



## whiteshadow (Mar 5, 2016)

How do you know your daughters need your help more than your son? Have you ever discussed that with them?

You say that YOU compare your daughters to your DIL - never a good thing, just don't do it. To be honest, between your second daughter who is a stay at home mom with a nanny, cleaner and you on one hand and your DIL who has a disabled child, part time job, goes to UNI and has no help on the other hand - you dare to criticize her? What kind of logic is that? She and your son probably can't afford for one of them to stay at home, haven't you thought of that? And staying at home with kids doesn't necessarily mean one is better parent for doing so. 

I don't see anything wrong with her sending flowers and cards. It might not be your family's cup of tea, but it is rude to not thank her for it. And you "joking" about sending them a card is just mean. I am not surprised your DIL doesn't want to hang around you.

What you need to do is stop looking at her as the intruder, she is a part of your family now and you need to accept her as she is. Get over yourself and your "saint" daughters and stop being passive aggressive to her.


----------



## diamondp12 (Mar 6, 2016)

Sorry I definitely meant to reiterate that in my OP I worded some things wrong. I have no issues and the utmost empathy for people who suffer from addictions and whose lives are affected by suicide. That is not what I meant. It's just her- if we are at family functions she will mention if someone offers her a drink that she is in recovery. When asked how many siblings she has she'll respond "none-my brother died". My reference to being embarrassed was in that context. These should be kept to herself. My family does not acknowledge them whatsoever and just cannot relate to those types of family concerns.


----------



## whiteshadow (Mar 5, 2016)

What else is she suppose to say? She can't say she's an only child. And I've been in many situations where people will force others to have a drink, so it's good for to set boundaries.

Yeah, you might have empathy for people who suffer from addictions but only if they don't disrupt your "perfect" family.


----------



## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

diamondp12 said:


> Sorry I definitely meant to reiterate that in my OP I worded some things wrong. I have no issues and the utmost empathy for people who suffer from addictions and whose lives are affected by suicide. That is not what I meant. It's just her- if we are at family functions she will mention if someone offers her a drink that she is in recovery. When asked how many siblings she has she'll respond "none-my brother died". My reference to being embarrassed was in that context. These should be kept to herself. My family does not acknowledge them whatsoever and just cannot relate to those types of family concerns.


It's pretty appropriate for her to respond that she's a recovering alcoholic to someone offering her a drink. She asking that they not offer her a drink or pressure her to have a drink. And it's not unreasonable to state that her brother died. It's the truth and not inappropriate to say. And I would imagine it would be hurtful that your family doesn't acknowledge these two things. They are defining facts in her life and you want to pretend they don't exist.


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

diamondp12 said:


> Sorry I definitely meant to reiterate that in my OP I worded some things wrong. I have no issues and the utmost empathy for people who suffer from addictions and whose lives are affected by suicide. That is not what I meant. It's just her- if we are at family functions she will mention if someone offers her a drink that she is in recovery. When asked how many siblings she has she'll respond "none-my brother died". My reference to being embarrassed was in that context. These should be kept to herself. My family does not acknowledge them whatsoever and just cannot relate to those types of family concerns.


There is nothing wrong with saying sorry I don't drink because I'm a recovering alcoholic. As for her saying none, my brother died. So what, get over it. She happens to be more communicative and open about her life experiences.

Perhaps you and your family should actually take a page from her style of communication. Might actually learn a thing or two.

I have no sympathy for you, sorry. You lay the blame at everyone (sic her) feet without looking to your own behavior first.

You can either be a "right fighter" and win your argument or you can be more open minded about the fact everyone is different and actually have a relationship with your son, dil and grand baby.

Your son likely doesn't appreciate your attitude either, did you ever stop and wonder if maybe your behavior and attitude stems solely as your personal responsibility?

Basically you are also playing favorites among your own children as well. Your son lives in her household as an equal partner. Judge and compare a good man's wife, you're judging and comparing him as well. Slight a man's wife, it's a slight to him. Degrade a man's wife, you're degrading him...and so on.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You are the problem. Take the stick out your ...


----------



## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Lady you are apiece of work. You think that you and your daughters are all of that. Well you are not . You DIL is a better person that all of you. She is working, going to school, has a clean house without the help of nannies, cleaners and in laws. So tell me who is better at it?

You gave your daughters so much and now that they have their fancy lives, you are just a handy dandy babysitter. You are only invited on trips because they need you to take care of their kids. 

Have a moment and reflect on yourself and how you are treating you son and DIL. They are they ones who will be taking care of you when you need it. Not your daughters.


----------



## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

I feel bad for your DIL. You sound like a MIL from hell.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

That's some creative writing, right there!

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I think you should reread your opening post. Sounds like she has tried very hard, but you and your daughters have not. It almost sounds like you think she is not good enough for your son. If I picked this up from a single post, I can only imagine what she feels in person.


----------



## Annie123 (Apr 27, 2015)

You can't be for real. It seems more like it was written from the DIL's perspective. You can't seriously write all this (being who you say you are) not realizing who's in the wrong here. No way.


----------



## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Annie123 said:


> You can't be for real. It seems more like it was written from the DIL's perspective. You can't seriously write all this (being who you say you are) not realizing who's in the wrong here. No way.


Agreed. Doesnt smell right to me either.

It is possible though as I have known people that have STRANGE reverence for one or more of their children and treat the other(s) like garbage. Same goes for their progeny.


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I have a fil and sil that are very much like this.

I can believe it.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

It is interesting that these little fables always have a flaw within the first paragraph. You have 3 kids yet you say they are BOTH grown up. Yep, true story, not.


----------



## Annie123 (Apr 27, 2015)

CantePe said:


> I have a fil and sil that are very much like this.
> 
> I can believe it.
> 
> Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


I believe the story but I highly doubt it was written from the MIL's perspective.


----------



## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

You're treating your daughter-in-law very badly. You and your daughters successfully snubbed her off by not reciprocating her sending flowers and greeting cards. You sneer at her efforts. If I were your son, I would not give you the time of the day; including your daughters. Your actions are horrible!

You are very condescending of the financial situation that your son and his wife are in. You should be ashamed of yourself. In addition, you are practicing favoritism with your daughters just because one is a surgeon and the other married to a professor. You and your daughters need to practice humility. Like mother, like daughters!


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Annie123 said:


> I believe the story but I highly doubt it was writtn from the MIL's perspective.


You could be absolutely correct. Wouldn't be surprised but I'm taking it at face value based on my own personal experiences because my fil and sil would post something like this themselves.

I don't deny though that you could be 100% correct.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Annie123 said:


> You can't be for real. It seems more like it was written from the DIL's perspective. You can't seriously write all this (being who you say you are) not realizing who's in the wrong here. No way.


You should visit this forum. It is loaded with nutty MILs.
DWIL Nation - BabyCenter


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My mom is deceased. Otherwise I'd wonder if the was my mom.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Annie123 said:


> I believe the story but I highly doubt it was written from the MIL's perspective.


That thought occurred to me as well.


----------



## diamondp12 (Mar 6, 2016)

Thanks all. I do see where I could do some things differently. I laughed a little when it was suggested this post was written by my dil. Sorry to say that is not the case! I will also expand further on some things. Also in response to one poster I did mistakenly say "both" children are grown instead of "all 3", because I had my daughters in mind.

Anyhow to expand further about my dil. Her and my son never invite us on trips with them and their daughter and hardly ever ask us to "babysit" (admittedly likely because we are often scheduled by my doctor daughter first, and my stay at home daughter second based on their needs). This is hurtful to me. Also, I feel I cannot say ANYTHING right to dil when I say the most innocent things. After their child's diagnosis, they were going to a parents support group or something for parents of kids with disabilities. I gently suggested that perhaps they not mention to other parents there the nature of my granddaughter's disability because some parents there likely have children with worse problems. She completely ignored me, and when her and my son returned from the group she was mentioning that her and my son signed up for some respite care for their daughter. I very helpfully said "you do not need respite. It is the parents role to look after their disabled child". 

She looked at my son and completely ignored me again. She then expressed her sympathy for a woman at the support group who was a single mother with twins, both disabled. I gave the advice that "maybe this woman should do right by her kids and hire a live in nanny like my daughter does". Her response? a very snippy "people in the real world can't afford live in nannies". She then left the room and went into another room without even saying goodbye!

Also for the alcohol thing, she used to get overly drunk at family functions and embarrass herself and us. It was very distasteful. My son says shes been sober now 4 months. That's great and all but I find the whole thing rather embarrassing and best left to herself.


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

diamondp12 said:


> Thanks all. I do see where I could do some things differently. I laughed a little when it was suggested this post was written by my dil. Sorry to say that is not the case! I will also expand further on some things. Also in response to one poster I did mistakenly say "both" children are grown instead of "all 3", because I had my daughters in mind.
> 
> Anyhow to expand further about my dil. Her and my son never invite us on trips with them and their daughter and hardly ever ask us to "babysit" (admittedly likely because we are often scheduled by my doctor daughter first, and my stay at home daughter second based on their needs). This is hurtful to me. Also, I feel I cannot say ANYTHING right to dil when I say the most innocent things. After their child's diagnosis, they were going to a parents support group or something for parents of kids with disabilities. I gently suggested that perhaps they not mention to other parents there the nature of my granddaughter's disability because some parents there likely have children with worse problems. She completely ignored me, and when her and my son returned from the group she was mentioning that her and my son signed up for some respite care for their daughter. I very helpfully said "you do not need respite. It is the parents role to look after their disabled child".
> 
> ...


If this is even real, the problem in this equation is you, not your DIL or your son. You are a huge snob and completely lack empathy. Your DIL is down to earth. That's why you don't get along. If I had a MIL like you, I'd react to you the exact same way your DIL is acting.

But, I still think this story is fiction because while some evil MILs behave the way you are, they aren't likely to actually admit it on the Internet.


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

You're a bad MIL.

End of discussion.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. Stop stealing Dalmatians.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

ConanHub said:


> P.S. Stop stealing Dalmatians.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl:


----------



## BlueWoman (Jan 8, 2015)

diamondp12 said:


> Thanks all. I do see where I could do some things differently. I laughed a little when it was suggested this post was written by my dil. Sorry to say that is not the case! I will also expand further on some things. Also in response to one poster I did mistakenly say "both" children are grown instead of "all 3", because I had my daughters in mind.
> 
> Anyhow to expand further about my dil. Her and my son never invite us on trips with them and their daughter and hardly ever ask us to "babysit" (admittedly likely because we are often scheduled by my doctor daughter first, and my stay at home daughter second based on their needs). This is hurtful to me. Also, I feel I cannot say ANYTHING right to dil when I say the most innocent things. After their child's diagnosis, they were going to a parents support group or something for parents of kids with disabilities. I gently suggested that perhaps they not mention to other parents there the nature of my granddaughter's disability because some parents there likely have children with worse problems. She completely ignored me, and when her and my son returned from the group she was mentioning that her and my son signed up for some respite care for their daughter. I very helpfully said "you do not need respite. It is the parents role to look after their disabled child".
> 
> ...



You can't be real. I just can't believe someone could write these things and not see how off the wall they are. 

If this is real, I strongly suspect your DIL is not the only person who doesn't like you. But yeah, I just can't believe this is real.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

diamondp12 said:


> Thanks all. I do see where I could do some things differently. I laughed a little when it was suggested this post was written by my dil. Sorry to say that is not the case! I will also expand further on some things. Also in response to one poster I did mistakenly say "both" children are grown instead of "all 3", because I had my daughters in mind.
> 
> Anyhow to expand further about my dil. Her and my son never invite us on trips with them and their daughter and hardly ever ask us to "babysit" (admittedly likely because we are often scheduled by my doctor daughter first, and my stay at home daughter second based on their needs). This is hurtful to me. Also, I feel I cannot say ANYTHING right to dil when I say the most innocent things. After their child's diagnosis, they were going to a parents support group or something for parents of kids with disabilities. I gently suggested that perhaps they not mention to other parents there the nature of my granddaughter's disability because some parents there likely have children with worse problems. She completely ignored me, and when her and my son returned from the group she was mentioning that her and my son signed up for some respite care for their daughter. I very helpfully said "you do not need respite. It is the parents role to look after their disabled child".
> 
> ...


Ah, elitism, this is why people believe you are a troll. Some of these people have not been around a true WEALTHY elitist. I can't prove you are not a troll, but I have encountered people who sound just like you. You either have a title or come from old money. I know your type very well, I would love to hear about your skeletons from your DIL.


----------



## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

When someone marries into a family, it's not a requirement that they give up on being who they are and assimilate into the new family. The new family should embrace this person into the family AS THEY ARE and learn to love them for it. 

My wife and I live 1600 miles from her family and 1100 miles from mine. We visit them when we can. Our families could not be more different. As such, my marriage had some traits from each family. As a southern country boy, I don't always get my California-in-laws. As, I'm sure, they don't always get me. Same goes with my wife and my family. 

Honestly, it seems like you don't really want to embrace who she is. You want her to be like your daughters. That's a bad attitude to have. Stop being so stubborn and enjoy your DIL for who she is. It won't kill you to send a card or a present now and then.


----------



## Annie123 (Apr 27, 2015)

This thread looks like when Weirdo writes pretending to be her husband.
OP, if all of this is true, wow. You are one heartless person!


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Amplеxor;15134313 said:


> What the heck is a dil?
> 
> Folks please use complete words in thread titles to avoid a ban.
> 
> -AMP


pickle?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

Yeah I still think you are a nutter. She went to a support group for parents with children with disabilities and you expect her not to day what she goes through with her daughter. Then you go on and say it's the parents job to look after her kids, yet you are on call for your daughters and they have nannies. 
I think you and your daughters are plan jealous of how amazing this woman is doing it on her own without live in nannies and the need to call the crazy mother in law to baby sit. 
If your daughter in law was the one to come on a forum and explain her situation about her crazy MIL people would tell her to cut you off and don't look back. No one needs that kind of negative bs in their lives.


----------



## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

Amplеxor;15134945 said:


> *Do not call other members nutters!
> 
> That's cruel, and it's insulting and it's considered harassment, in violation of rule #816 on the Forum Rules.
> 
> ...


What so your problem today?


----------



## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Obviously you know nothing of what it is like to have disabled children. Don't, just don't even go there. That's me being nice about your last post.

I'm out, it's going in one ear and bouncing out the ear it went in. Good luck, I suspect you won't have very much of a relationship left soon with your son, daughter in law and grandchild.

Sent from my Nexus 5 using Tapatalk


----------



## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

How about. She is being an AMP? You two will have something in common


----------



## Cleigh (Dec 5, 2013)

I'm pretty sure that word would get me banned...


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

diamondp12 said:


> Thanks all. I do see where I could do some things differently. I laughed a little when it was suggested this post was written by my dil. Sorry to say that is not the case! I will also expand further on some things. Also in response to one poster I did mistakenly say "both" children are grown instead of "all 3", because I had my daughters in mind.
> 
> Anyhow to expand further about my dil. Her and my son never invite us on trips with them and their daughter and hardly ever ask us to "babysit" (admittedly likely because we are often scheduled by my doctor daughter first, and my stay at home daughter second based on their needs). This is hurtful to me. Also, I feel I cannot say ANYTHING right to dil when I say the most innocent things. After their child's diagnosis, they were going to a parents support group or something for parents of kids with disabilities. I gently suggested that perhaps they not mention to other parents there the nature of my granddaughter's disability because some parents there likely have children with worse problems. She completely ignored me, and when her and my son returned from the group she was mentioning that her and my son signed up for some respite care for their daughter. I very helpfully said "you do not need respite. It is the parents role to look after their disabled child".
> 
> ...


This has got to be a troll...it has to be.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

frusdil said:


> This has got to be a troll...it has to be.


Sadly there really are some people who are like this.

But they are comfortable in the knowledge that it is not them who are in the wrong but everyone else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## hotshotdot (Jul 28, 2015)

On the off chance that this is for real - your DIL is not affecting your relationship with your son, you are. If you don't want your opinions to affect your relationship with him then the only solution to your problem is to accept her and quit judging her by your standards. Just because someone doesn't do things the way we think they should doesn't make them wrong or bad people, only different. If you love your son and wish to remain in his life, you need to learn tolerance and acceptance. She is his chosen family and he will choose her over you if you continue to push her away. She obviously cares enough about him to continue making efforts even when they are not reciprocated by you and he sees this too. He sees that you are creating the problem, not her. If you force him to choose you will lose.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

diamondp12 said:


> Hello,
> 
> I am just new here and feeling a ton of distress over an issue concerning my daughter in law and subsequently with my son.
> 
> ...


In your thread over on LS, you said you only had one son and one daughter. Now you have two daughters? Which is it?


----------



## always_hopefull (Aug 11, 2011)

Wow, with a MIL like you it's no wonder she avoids family functions. I hate to break it to you, but your pious attitude seems to be the problem here, not her. You mam, are the epitome of a "monster in law". You reward egocentric, materialistic and selfish behaviour and look down on the one couple who are willing to work for what they have, without taking from others, good for them. We need less entitled people who judge others, and more people who are willing to work hard. It's too bad it was only your son who broke the mold.....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## CH (May 18, 2010)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> I think you should reread your opening post. Sounds like she has tried very hard, but you and your daughters have not. It almost sounds like you think she is not good enough for your son. If I picked this up from a single post, I can only imagine what she feels in person.


This....my parents had a hard time with me dating a Chinese girl even though we are south east Asian. It got to the point I had to just tell them it is what it is and they just have to live with it.

Now a days, my wife is a better daughter to them than me being their own son and all. Go figure...


----------



## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

I'm pretty sure this is fiction due to the inconsistencies... but it reminds me of the mother of a girl I almost married several years ago. She was every bit as open about her superiority complex. Fortunately, I escaped the sentence it would have been to be married into that family.

I'll say this, if my own mother acted that way to my wife (if I had a wife that is) I'd tell my mother she isn't invited to our family shindigs, and that I'm going to give her a few years to think about what she's done.

OP, if by any chance this is remotely true, and you've just made some changes to protect your ID should some family member stop by, I would suggest a tremendous amount of counseling for you. And a lot of time volunteering at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. It would do you some serious good.


----------

