# Sobbing as I write this



## Dre22211 (Feb 28, 2021)

I have been with my husband for 9 years. In that time, we have had many ups and downs, as many, and both of us have been wrong with our actions. But above all, I LOVE THIS MAN. We were young and 23 when we first started to date. We married in September 2019, and things have been rocky. To tell you the truth, he has been resentful and very open about how unhappy he is and doesn't put much effort into our marriage. I cry and cry over this man, he honestly doesn't care. Whenever we fight, he rips his ring off and threatens divorce. About a week ago, I found out he has been talking to some girl on the internet, that lives nowhere near us, but they have sending messages back and forth for a few months. Every day, and photos involved. I approached him about it and we decided to move forward with working on things. Today, I got the courage to message her woman to woman and honestly, It was extremely respectful, but wanted her to know it was ****ed up (she knew he was married, and she is married herself). I was actually really proud of this and felt a weight off my shoulders and was finally ready to move on. She obviously messaged him to tell him, and now he's leaving me. He was driving and threw his ring out the window. He blocked my calls, and everything I said he threw back snarky remarks "doesn't matter now, youre not worth my time anymore, I hate you and wish I never married you". He comes home, Im in tears and he looks at me with NO EMOTION. He doesn't care. He said I don't respect HIM bc I told him I wouldn't contact her... really? I feel like a freaking idiot. I've begged and pleaded this guy to stay. Im worth so much more. Im not some lonely house wife either. I've got two masters degrees and I am a director of nursing at a hospital. I make all the money in this relationship and pay for everything, yet I became so dependent on him and wanting him to love me. I have never taken my ring of since we've been married. I did tonight. Im distraught over someone who can look right through me. He's leaving behind me and my son. His word "OH WELL".


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

You have invested all of yourself into someone who invest nothing in you. Move on... move on as fast as you can. The sooner you can separate your heart from this sittthe better you will be. There is nothing to save... not even close


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Dre22211 said:


> I have been with my husband for 9 years. In that time, we have had many ups and downs, as many, and both of us have been wrong with our actions. But above all, I LOVE THIS MAN. We were young and 23 when we first started to date. We married in September 2019, and things have been rocky. To tell you the truth, he has been resentful and very open about how unhappy he is and doesn't put much effort into our marriage. I cry and cry over this man, he honestly doesn't care. Whenever we fight, he rips his ring off and threatens divorce. About a week ago, I found out he has been talking to some girl on the internet, that lives nowhere near us, but they have sending messages back and forth for a few months. Every day, and photos involved. I approached him about it and we decided to move forward with working on things. Today, I got the courage to message her woman to woman and honestly, It was extremely respectful, but wanted her to know it was ****ed up (she knew he was married, and she is married herself). I was actually really proud of this and felt a weight off my shoulders and was finally ready to move on. She obviously messaged him to tell him, and now he's leaving me. He was driving and threw his ring out the window. He blocked my calls, and everything I said he threw back snarky remarks "doesn't matter now, youre not worth my time anymore, I hate you and wish I never married you". He comes home, Im in tears and he looks at me with NO EMOTION. He doesn't care. He said I don't respect HIM bc I told him I wouldn't contact her... really? I feel like a freaking idiot. I've begged and pleaded this guy to stay. Im worth so much more. Im not some lonely house wife either. I've got two masters degrees and I am a director of nursing at a hospital. I make all the money in this relationship and pay for everything, yet I became so dependent on him and wanting him to love me. I have never taken my ring of since we've been married. I did tonight. Im distraught over someone who can look right through me. He's leaving behind me and my son. His word "OH WELL".


Is your son his son as well? 

You seem like a really smart, hard working, loving woman. You also seem like one of those women that aren’t satisfied unless they are with a loser. Please tell me if I’m wrong here but in honesty, is he? 

I know the word codependent gets thrown around here an awful lot but this seems very codependent. You describe him as emotionally deficient and mean as heck. Why don’t you believe him that he is unhappy and wants out? Why do you want someone who is so disrespectful and is verbally abusive?

As Tina Turner said... what’s love got to do with it?


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## FlaviusMaximus (Jan 10, 2012)

He was going to work on things until you messaged her, then he left, which means he wasn't going to work on things and was planning to keep up his online messaging with this woman. That she could inform him and he would lash out at you is telling. It sounds like he left you some time ago, maybe you should consider the same.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Don't take this the wrong way but -

go outside and get some dog crap. Put it in the bed with you and sleep with it every night and you will have a better partner then this guy.

He has no value in your life, none. He actually causes you pain and makes it bad. What you need to do is figure why you were willing to be with someone like that and you still want to be. 

There are lots of guys out there.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Oh god, the poor victim that quickly dobs to hubby when the wife gets in touch. Wah Wah Wah how dare you upset him!!! I can hear and feel the tantrum.

Two little kids playing in the yard and they don’t want you in the gang today.

I know you must be breaking apart and I feel so sorry for you, I hope that you can find the strength to live really well and stand up for yourself.

Please don’t play the crazy-lady game with them, your silence will win out here. Absolutely don’t go down to that level, don’t contact her anymore and don’t contact him either.

This is a blessing in the making that you just don’t see yet.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them. You are 10x better than him.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

WOOOOOW!

This boy, not a man, is a piece of work. @sokillme was absolutely correct in his dog crap analogy. 

He has the audacity to make rules when you catch him in an emotional affair? That is disgusting. Who cares if you message that woman and ruin their little fantasy bubble if it was supposed to be over? His reaction shows that is a lie. He will feel his world come crashing down in about two weeks, and you will start feeling like yourself again. Throwing his wedding ring out of the car while driving is one of the most juvenile thing I have ever heard. He needs to be a regular cry baby and leave it on the kitchen table so he can put it back on in a few hours. 

Please, for the love of god, do not take him back. He will continue to disrespect you. Marriage is hard work but he is not worth fighting for.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

He turned the tables on you. Your "bad behavior" (contacting her) is just a BS excuse. He clearly had no intention of ending things with her and trying to work on your marriage together.

Don't beg, cry, etc. You will never win the "pick me dance," and frankly, I don't know why you want to. He doesn't even care that he cheated on your son too. 

Pack his bags.


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## Edmund (Apr 1, 2017)

You shouldnt have contacted the other woman. You should have contacted her husband!


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

FlaviusMaximus said:


> He was going to work on things until you messaged her, then he left, which means he wasn't going to work on things and was planning to keep up his online messaging with this woman. That she could inform him and he would lash out at you is telling. It sounds like he left you some time ago, maybe you should consider the same.


Yeah, he's blaming YOU for the break-up because you contacted his affair partner? He just wants to make you focus on anything but his own behaviour.

Your tears don't mean anything to him except an inconvenience. YOU don't mean anything to him. So there's no point staying married to him.

You got together young, when you were barely an adult. It's okay to be scared because you don't know any other life than being with this guy. But he's a terrible partner, and you will find joy again away from him.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You are correct, you ARE worth so much more than this!!

You are looking at this all wrong. This is not a loss. This is an opportunity to GAIN a so much better life than what you can have with this ****weed. 

Get him out of your airspace as soon as you can so you can move on with a good life.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Dre22211 said:


> I have been with my husband for 9 years. In that time, we have had many ups and downs, as many, and both of us have been wrong with our actions. But above all, I LOVE THIS MAN. We were young and 23 when we first started to date. We married in September 2019, and things have been rocky. To tell you the truth, he has been resentful and very open about how unhappy he is and doesn't put much effort into our marriage. I cry and cry over this man, he honestly doesn't care. Whenever we fight, he rips his ring off and threatens divorce. About a week ago, I found out he has been talking to some girl on the internet, that lives nowhere near us, but they have sending messages back and forth for a few months. Every day, and photos involved. I approached him about it and we decided to move forward with working on things. Today, I got the courage to message her woman to woman and honestly, It was extremely respectful, but wanted her to know it was ****ed up (she knew he was married, and she is married herself). I was actually really proud of this and felt a weight off my shoulders and was finally ready to move on. She obviously messaged him to tell him, and now he's leaving me. He was driving and threw his ring out the window. He blocked my calls, and everything I said he threw back snarky remarks "doesn't matter now, youre not worth my time anymore, I hate you and wish I never married you". He comes home, Im in tears and he looks at me with NO EMOTION. He doesn't care. He said I don't respect HIM bc I told him I wouldn't contact her... really? I feel like a freaking idiot. I've begged and pleaded this guy to stay. Im worth so much more. Im not some lonely house wife either. I've got two masters degrees and I am a director of nursing at a hospital. I make all the money in this relationship and pay for everything, yet I became so dependent on him and wanting him to love me. I have never taken my ring of since we've been married. I did tonight. Im distraught over someone who can look right through me. He's leaving behind me and my son. His word "OH WELL".


Why are YOU the one crying? Honey, he did you a favor by leaving. You can now get on with your life, and please do so. Focus on you, get yourself to counseling. He shouldn't have been treating you this way. YOU deserve so much better. Get this toxic fool out of your life and do better. He does not deserve you. I don't know what your ups and downs have been, but roller coaster rides in a marriage are never good. Something is not right with him mentally. Go no contact with him. Once he gets tired of the other woman, he'll be begging to come home. Make sure you're in the right frame of mind to NOT let that happen.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Dre22211 said:


> I have been with my husband for 9 years. In that time, we have had many ups and downs, as many, and both of us have been wrong with our actions. But above all, I LOVE THIS MAN. We were young and 23 when we first started to date. We married in September 2019, and things have been rocky. To tell you the truth, he has been resentful and very open about how unhappy he is and doesn't put much effort into our marriage. I cry and cry over this man, he honestly doesn't care. Whenever we fight, he rips his ring off and threatens divorce. About a week ago, I found out he has been talking to some girl on the internet, that lives nowhere near us, but they have sending messages back and forth for a few months. Every day, and photos involved. I approached him about it and we decided to move forward with working on things. Today, I got the courage to message her woman to woman and honestly, It was extremely respectful, but wanted her to know it was ****ed up (she knew he was married, and she is married herself). I was actually really proud of this and felt a weight off my shoulders and was finally ready to move on. She obviously messaged him to tell him, and now he's leaving me. He was driving and threw his ring out the window. He blocked my calls, and everything I said he threw back snarky remarks "doesn't matter now, youre not worth my time anymore, I hate you and wish I never married you". He comes home, Im in tears and he looks at me with NO EMOTION. He doesn't care. He said I don't respect HIM bc I told him I wouldn't contact her... really? I feel like a freaking idiot. I've begged and pleaded this guy to stay. Im worth so much more. Im not some lonely house wife either. I've got two masters degrees and I am a director of nursing at a hospital. I make all the money in this relationship and pay for everything, yet I became so dependent on him and wanting him to love me. I have never taken my ring of since we've been married. I did tonight. Im distraught over someone who can look right through me. He's leaving behind me and my son. His word "OH WELL".


Darling, you say you are worth more than this, so please act like it. This man has betrayed you and has the gall to act as if you did something wrong. The only thing wrong is you played the pick me dance. You can do better that this POS WH.
see a lawyer, don’t tell him. Then contact the OW’s BH and tell him everything. Ask your WH to leave. Ask the lawyer can you change the locks. Start doing a hard 180 on him, no contact, nothing. Then go get some counselling to see why you would let this man abuse you ( yes this is abuse ) like this. You can do this.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

So he's mad you pop his affair bubble!!

Let him have his affair. You can move on and have a happy life. You deserve better!!

I know you are hurting but you need to get angry. You need to recognize how good you are and leave your POS husband. He obviously doesn't care about his wife, why would you care about him? He's been unhappy, he had an emotional affair, he threw out his wedding ring, and he told you that he HATES you? why would you want to be with someone like THAT? I would have punch him in the face!!

No one is perfect but you deserve someone who can love you and respect you. You are young, you have a good career, you make your own money, and it seems you didn't have children with him. 

Count your blessings and move on. Your husband is a Piece of sh*t!!!!


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

My dear lady. You seem to convey from your posts in my opinion that you are suffering from self esteem issues. Take some time for yourself, find a good therapist and realize you are a good person.

Additionally, i glean that you are in an abusive relationship. Get out. Life is too short to live as you currently are. Kick him to the curb, and move on to hopefully a better life.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

Dre, I know this sucks. I know that it's down right soul crushing to beg for someone who has treated you so appallingly. BTDT. But I also know that this is going to turn in to one of the best moments of your life as long as he stays away from you. Because you know what will happen now? He's free to chase OW and make her life a living hell. He'll demand her faithfulness and encourage her to implode her marriage. He'll scream and throw in her face how he left you for her. He'll treat her the same way he treated you and YOU will be out living a better, more peaceful, freer life without him. That's a blessing in disguise.


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## Thisnotthat (Oct 28, 2020)

Dre, I'm not big on giving/taking advice from the internet, but please do the following:

1) Today is Sunday. Mark todays date in your private journal (2/28/21).
2) Tomorrow is Monday (1/3/21). Go call some divorce attorneys and start making plans for the rest of your life without this particular man.

Sorry for what your going through.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dre22211 said:


> I have been with my husband for 9 years. In that time, we have had many ups and downs, as many, and both of us have been wrong with our actions. But above all, I LOVE THIS MAN. We were young and 23 when we first started to date. We married in September 2019, and things have been rocky. To tell you the truth, he has been resentful and very open about how unhappy he is and doesn't put much effort into our marriage. I cry and cry over this man, he honestly doesn't care. Whenever we fight, he rips his ring off and threatens divorce. About a week ago, I found out he has been talking to some girl on the internet, that lives nowhere near us, but they have sending messages back and forth for a few months. Every day, and photos involved. I approached him about it and we decided to move forward with working on things. Today, I got the courage to message her woman to woman and honestly, It was extremely respectful, but wanted her to know it was ****ed up (she knew he was married, and she is married herself). I was actually really proud of this and felt a weight off my shoulders and was finally ready to move on. She obviously messaged him to tell him, and now he's leaving me. He was driving and threw his ring out the window. He blocked my calls, and everything I said he threw back snarky remarks "doesn't matter now, youre not worth my time anymore, I hate you and wish I never married you". He comes home, Im in tears and he looks at me with NO EMOTION. He doesn't care. He said I don't respect HIM bc I told him I wouldn't contact her... really? I feel like a freaking idiot. I've begged and pleaded this guy to stay. Im worth so much more. Im not some lonely house wife either. I've got two masters degrees and I am a director of nursing at a hospital. I make all the money in this relationship and pay for everything, yet I became so dependent on him and wanting him to love me. I have never taken my ring of since we've been married. I did tonight. Im distraught over someone who can look right through me. He's leaving behind me and my son. His word "OH WELL".


What you’re describing is awful. He’s awful. If he had the opportunity to cheat physically, he’d have done do a thousand times. Nobody else wants him is likely his only reason he hasn’t been cheating on you the whole time. You have done nothing wrong calling his affair partner and screwing up his little fake virtual romance with a married woman. He’s a childish, cheating idiot.

You are in terrible pain right now. Any normal person would. But please, don’t let your pain and fear of the unknown prevent you from getting free of this idiot.
He has zero feelings for you.

Oh, but you bring home the bacon? Ha! He will be coming back with his hat in his hand when he starts having to do a little work and support himself. Please, don’t fall for it. This is a textbook case of “get the heck out of there”.

Endure the pain while your lawyer/dentist is extracting this rotten tooth you call a husband.


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## So Married (Dec 18, 2020)

Contact the ho's husband, and then help your husband pack his stuff. I'm usually all about reconciling if possible, but here it seems like there is nothing to salvage. Don't let him crap on you any longer.

Go read Chump Lady. Seriously, good stuff. Get pissed off (crying never helps, when they don't care how much they hurt you).

You didn't cause his affair. He isn't leaving because you contacted her (he was just looking for an excuse, a way to try to make you the bad guy). He cheated and left because he CHOSE to, not because of you or anything you did. 

It hurts like hell now, but he's honestly doing you a favor. He's showing you who he really is. You're not in love with that person, only with the person you originally thought he was. He is not the husband you love. Kick this imposter to the curb and start your new, better, life today.


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## moulinyx (May 30, 2019)

Hope you are feeling better today!


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## Dre22211 (Feb 28, 2021)

Edmund said:


> You shouldnt have contacted the other woman. You should have contacted her husband!


I know nothing about her, there are a few people with her name, and I can't seem to pick her out on social medias. Its something I would seriously consider...I just can't


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## Dre22211 (Feb 28, 2021)

moulinyx said:


> Hope you are feeling better today!


feeling better. I was up until 5am just sobbing. Like had to go outside to be able to breath. I am not that person, it broke me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Dre22211 

This is what you need for your "husband"


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You've known for some time he doesn't want you or value you. I'm really sorry for that but that's what it is and that's too big a problem to overcome. I best advice is get your own attorney and file papers right now to protect your assets and not rely on him to be fair. And then I think you should go ahead and do something for yourself and get into therapy and talk through all this and why you begged someone who didn't want you to stay, someone who you've known didn't want you for quite some time and who wasn't doing you right at all. You need to find out what's behind that and why you don't feel you deserve better.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Dre22211 said:


> I know nothing about her, there are a few people with her name, and I can't seem to pick her out on social medias. Its something I would seriously consider...I just can't


It’s nothing you’re required to do. I was just being sarcastic. I hate this for you because I k ow the pain. It WILL go away. But will take a long time. Much less than trying to hang on to your horrible hysband.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Darling girl, my heart is so sad for you. You deserve so much better than this! What a vile man your husband is. 

Let him go and don't look back. If you have online banking, remove his access asap. Open a brand new account in your name only that only you can access, and have your incoming money paid into that account. 

Toxic, abusive relationships like yours are the hardest ones to break away from. My biggest fear for you now, is that he will come crawling back - and you will let him.

File for legal separation immediately, so there is a clear line - and he can't take out credit cards/loans in your name, which you will then be liable for.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

This "man" isn't worth it. Have your cry, and then divorce and move on.


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## WifeysWarrior (May 31, 2014)

I don’t have words of advice, but as a man going through the bouts of a third affair my wife has had, my heart is broken reading this. You deserve the cash equivalent of the biggest stone in your crown. 

It’s unfair that we’re left to our reserve of self-love, and walking the path to finding it is the hardest thing ever. I don’t have anyone I feel close enough to even discuss it with outside of my personal therapist. I pray that this isn’t the case for you, and that god circles you with a wealth of angels to empower you. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Dre22211 said:


> I have been with my husband for 9 years. In that time, we have had many ups and downs, as many, and both of us have been wrong with our actions. But above all, I LOVE THIS MAN. We were young and 23 when we first started to date. We married in September 2019, and things have been rocky. To tell you the truth, he has been resentful and very open about how unhappy he is and doesn't put much effort into our marriage. I cry and cry over this man, he honestly doesn't care. Whenever we fight, he rips his ring off and threatens divorce. About a week ago, I found out he has been talking to some girl on the internet, that lives nowhere near us, but they have sending messages back and forth for a few months. Every day, and photos involved. I approached him about it and we decided to move forward with working on things. Today, I got the courage to message her woman to woman and honestly, It was extremely respectful, but wanted her to know it was ****ed up (she knew he was married, and she is married herself). I was actually really proud of this and felt a weight off my shoulders and was finally ready to move on. She obviously messaged him to tell him, and now he's leaving me. He was driving and threw his ring out the window. He blocked my calls, and everything I said he threw back snarky remarks "doesn't matter now, youre not worth my time anymore, I hate you and wish I never married you". He comes home, Im in tears and he looks at me with NO EMOTION. He doesn't care. He said I don't respect HIM bc I told him I wouldn't contact her... really? I feel like a freaking idiot. I've begged and pleaded this guy to stay. Im worth so much more. Im not some lonely house wife either. I've got two masters degrees and I am a director of nursing at a hospital. I make all the money in this relationship and pay for everything, yet I became so dependent on him and wanting him to love me. I have never taken my ring of since we've been married. I did tonight. Im distraught over someone who can look right through me. He's leaving behind me and my son. His word "OH WELL".


He's shown by his actions that he doesn't value or prioritize you or love you, sadly.

Grieve, but know you can do much better than him. He's shown himself to be lacking in character and good morals. 

You're better off splitting now than in the future after more of your valuable time is wasted on him.


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