# New Relationship - Smoker & Non-Smoker



## DrManhattan (Feb 13, 2010)

Hi All,

I'm a new user to this site, but I used to come here to read some posts for advice, when my marriage was on the rocks, before the divorce happened. Long story, she cheated in the worse was imaginable - but that is another story, and the nails are rightfully driven into the coffin on that failure.

Six months later, after my rebound phase, talking to countless people, and about 30 or so dates with 7-8 different people, I think I've found someone that feels like the right fit to pursue an exclusive relationship with and see where things go, but there is a hurdle that I am trying to figure out how to tactfully get over, and I'm hoping someone can help me out:

She smokes cigarettes, and I do not. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mind that she smokes. I am a Guiness fan, so the taste of Nicotine when kissing doesn't really bother me, but I have pretty bad sinuses and allergies, and she smokes inside of her house. Having the smoke in the air in an enclosed area usually drives my sinuses nuts and I end up waking up the next day with a sore throat from the irritation. 

But like I said, it's a new relationship, so I don't really know how to approach bringing this up. I feel kind of weird saying "My sinuses tend to flare up pretty bad when I'm around cigarette smoke, so would it be cool if you didn't smoke in YOUR house?" 

You know what I mean? So how do I go about this?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Can you imagine living in a smoke-ruined house for the rest of your life? The ONLY way I would even consider it is if she made a commitment to never ever smoke inside again. 

IIWY, I'd just say, "you know, I like you a lot. And I could see this going somewhere. But what I can't see is living with a smoker the rest of my life, because I simply can't handle the allergies issue. I'd end up resenting you down the road for my having to be miserable because you smoke. So, what do you think we should do?"


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## snuzzler77 (Feb 15, 2010)

DrManhattan said:


> Hi All,
> But like I said, it's a new relationship, so I don't really know how to approach bringing this up. I feel kind of weird saying "My sinuses tend to flare up pretty bad when I'm around cigarette smoke, so would it be cool if you didn't smoke in YOUR house?"


Sensitive subject. I guess one thing I'd suggest, especially since it's early on, is to let her know why the smoke makes you uncomfortable next time she asks you over. 

So instead of asking, "My sinuses tend to flare up pretty bad when I'm around cigarette smoke, so would would it be cool if you didn't smoke in YOUR house?" you could instead suggest an alternate activity and explain why. Like, "My sinuses tend to flare up pretty bad when I'm around cigarette smoke, would you prefer going for a walk instead?"

This way you're not coming in and asking for a behavioral change in a habit of hers that she's probably quite used to. If she likes you enough at this point, she'll probably want to accommodate and start changing her behavior on her own. If she isn't willing to do that, it's not unlikely there will be other issues you guys will have difficulty compromising on.


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