# What is it about being sexually adventurous?



## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Hey guys, it's been a while, but I have a question that I know you'll give a straight answer to. 
I understand that no one wishes for a dud in bed, but why is it so much better for a man to have a woman who is very sexually adventurous? 
If we (hubs & I) have sex & it's a quickie or nothing earth-shattering, he seems happy but nothing out of the ordinary.
When I'm extra ravenous or we do something wild, he looks at me like I'm a goddess! (It doesn't change the way I look at him though.)
I'm certainly not complaining, but it gets me thinking, what is it about being a sexually adventurous woman that makes a guy so happy?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Because we convince ourselves that you're passionate and out of control because we're so studly and such wonderful lovers. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

It takes the mundane or routine and turns it into something sublime, extraordinary, and memorable.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> Hey guys, it's been a while, but I have a question that I know you'll give a straight answer to.
> I understand that no one wishes for a dud in bed, but why is it so much better for a man to have a woman who is very sexually adventurous?
> If we (hubs & I) have sex & it's a quickie or nothing earth-shattering, he seems happy but nothing out of the ordinary.
> When I'm extra ravenous or we do something wild, he looks at me like I'm a goddess! (It doesn't change the way I look at him though.)
> I'm certainly not complaining, but it gets me thinking, what is it about being a sexually adventurous woman that makes a guy so happy?


Maybe you just aren't that sexual?

For me, I would look at my hubby different (as in, "meh") if he was just sort of blah or average in passion during sex. (He never is blah or average though). Instead, he is always adventurous and I see him as a Sex God.

Just because you don't look at your hubby different after more adventurous sex doesn't mean all women don't.


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

It's the difference between going through the drive-thru at McDonalds and having a great meal at a fine restaurant. Both will satisfy your hunger, but a fine restaurant will make you appreciate the creativity and passion that a chef put into creating a menu, buying the freshest ingredients, and preparing them with skill.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
Variety is great in sex. You could simply do the same thing over and over again, but while physically pleasurable, it gets dull. 

To me being adventurous means trying lots of new and different things. This avoids any monotony setting in. Sure, some of the things you try won't work out well, but some will be awsome.

I'd ask why anyone wouldn't want adventurous sex?


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## skype (Sep 25, 2013)

When you are adventurous, you are satisfying his deepest desires. It goes right to the core of masculinity. If his love language is touch, you are communicating with your body that you understand his desire to reach the heights of passion.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

To add to the above, when a girl is adventurous, it makes you (as a guy) feel amazing because she is so aroused by you that everything you do pleases her. Sex God is a pretty apt description for the feeling.

Another side of it is that when I find a girl really attractive, I want every bit of her. Some girls have no-go areas on their body or acts (stay away from my butt/I don't like my nipples licked/PIV only) and that can put you on edge making sure you don't accidentally go there and get slapped away (I've had that happen). Being free to do whatever you like and have it welcomed and met with delighted moans really frees you and encourages you as per the above Sex God thing.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Definitely! I agree that most people enjoy adventure in their sex lives..I was curious about why men in particular seem to place more importance on that than women...in general! At least they verbalize it more often I think. 

I realize that there are plenty of women who highly value it as well. 
I consider myself to be a highly sexual person, but still somewhat 'in the closet.' 

We have great sex according to both of us.
The adventuresome part of me only wants to show up on occasion though..as in a couple times per month. I think because I feel like if I always unleashed on him, it wouldn't be as fun or exciting when I did. It wouldn't be a special occasion if it was all the time.

Even still our usual romps are pretty passionate & intimately connect us. I'm no cold fish!  

I just wondered if it was more important, (in general,) to a man that his woman be open & curious in bed, than to the average woman. Faithful Wife...you are awesome, NOT average! ( :


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

Jetranger, what you said makes a lot of sense to me. For instance, at certain times, I'm so self-conscious about this part or that part that I'll move his hands somewhere else..he says the same thing, he wants ALL of me. 
It's hard to believe at times, but I try to go with it & not hold back too much. 
Everything else you said & everyone else helps put it in really good perspective for me. 
Another reason I keep the extra-adventurousness to a minimum is that sometimes it seems like I'm competing with porn..since I know I'm not perfect like that, I kind of give up & hold back. 
(He's not overly into porn- it's probably a competition going on all in my own head.)
That sounds so cliche' but it's the truth.


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## Jetranger (May 31, 2013)

karma*girl said:


> Jetranger, what you said makes a lot of sense to me. For instance, at certain times, I'm so self-conscious about this part or that part that I'll move his hands somewhere else..he says the same thing, he wants ALL of me.
> It's hard to believe at times, but I try to go with it & not hold back too much.
> Everything else you said & everyone else helps put it in really good perspective for me.
> Another reason I keep the extra-adventurousness to a minimum is that sometimes it seems like I'm competing with porn..since I know I'm not perfect like that, I kind of give up & hold back.
> ...


Don't worry about not matching up to something or someone else - he is with you, he wants you, he wants to touch you, he likes and wants all of you. Be happy and flattered and aroused that this man wants to lick every last part of your amazing body.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

karma*girl said:


> Hey guys, it's been a while, but I have a question that I know you'll give a straight answer to.
> I understand that no one wishes for a dud in bed, but why is it so much better for a man to have a woman who is very sexually adventurous?
> If we (hubs & I) have sex & it's a quickie or nothing earth-shattering, he seems happy but nothing out of the ordinary.
> When I'm extra ravenous or we do something wild, he looks at me like I'm a goddess! (It doesn't change the way I look at him though.)
> I'm certainly not complaining, but it gets me thinking, what is it about being a sexually adventurous woman that makes a guy so happy?



Adventurous sex keeps the mind working, wondering, the anticipation, the doing something fun and different, always going.

Vanilla sex is so boring. Missionary and maybe doggie style.......yawn.

Would you rather only have missionary sex all the time or oiled breast, hand and foot jobs? Anal sex? 69? Use food? Blind fold? Tie down to the bed and use tongue and feathers? Toys? Motion lotion? Cosplay? Hmmmmm, vanilla sex or all the above and more if you can think of it? Not a toughie....


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

PBear said:


> Because we convince ourselves that you're passionate and out of control because we're so studly and such wonderful lovers.


:iagree:

It's exactly that!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

PBear said:


> Because we convince ourselves that you're passionate and out of control because we're so studly and such wonderful lovers.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

PBear said:


> Because we convince ourselves that you're passionate and out of control because we're so studly and such wonderful lovers.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep...( polishes nails on shoulder)

But the other reason is that many men feel that if you are willing to go out on the limb, then they are getting some special lovin...in turn that makes them feel more exclusive and more cherished.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

karma*girl said:


> We have great sex according to both of us.
> The adventuresome part of me only wants to show up on occasion though..as in a couple times per month. I think because I feel like if I always unleashed on him, it wouldn't be as fun or exciting when I did. It wouldn't be a special occasion if it was all the time.
> 
> Even still our usual romps are pretty passionate & intimately connect us. I'm no cold fish!


I think you're right. Sex is great all the time, but not always adventurous. Changing things up occasionally is what makes something stand out as special and memorable. It's seldom possible to keep that high level of adventure going on a daily basis - and if you do, it becomes routine.

It sounds like you're still growing, learning, and experimenting, which is a great thing.


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## murphy5 (May 1, 2014)

karma*girl said:


> Hey guys, it's been a while, but I have a question that I know you'll give a straight answer to.
> I understand that no one wishes for a dud in bed, but why is it so much better for a man to have a woman who is very sexually adventurous?
> If we (hubs & I) have sex & it's a quickie or nothing earth-shattering, he seems happy but nothing out of the ordinary.
> When I'm extra ravenous or we do something wild, he looks at me like I'm a goddess! (It doesn't change the way I look at him though.)
> I'm certainly not complaining, but it gets me thinking, what is it about being a sexually adventurous woman that makes a guy so happy?


Uh, its because...sex with the same person over many years is, for many, boring. ANYTHING you can do to inject something new is WELCOME at that point. Rent a snake, and do the salma hyack snake dance, and see how he responds!


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

A comedian I saw once said, "ladies, you don't have to be good, you just have to be there"


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I don't expect my sex life to be a Mountain Dew commercial (EXTREME SEX!!), but the biggest sex organ by far is the brain. Nothing wrong with a little sumptin' out of the norm and exciting to get the motor revving.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

It's also important not to equate adventurous with enthusiastic. Nothing is much hotter than when my wife and I are making out, and she pulls me on top of her, wraps her legs around me and practically forces me into her...


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> It's also important not to equate adventurous with enthusiastic. Nothing is much hotter than when my wife and I are making out, and she pulls me on top of her, wraps her legs around me and practically forces me into her...


I hope she does this after verbal consent


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I think it goes both ways. How many women complain about routine sex, partner who doesn't want to try something new, different? I know, I do.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I want to bungee jump naked off a bridge while my wife is laying on the ground below with her legs spread, hopefully we get 2 or 3 good pumps in there before I get hoisted up again and start all over


my vanilla wife has no interest in trying this


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

Almostrecovered said:


> I hope she does this after verbal consent


I can see that lady misato trained you well, lol


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

My simple take is ‘memorable’. The routine and common just sort blends into the white noise; Can you recall the specifics of the last time you had sex or if it’s recent, how about a few weeks ago? Most simply can’t because there isn’t really anything special to tag it with. But that time in the public bathroom a decade ago? You can recall a lot about that.

Doesn’t mean every single time…. But there should be some of those ‘fond’ memories in there that are fresh enough that you can replay them as you look at your spouse to help create that illusion of “it might happen”.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

karma*girl said:


> Definitely! I agree that most people enjoy adventure in their sex lives..*I was curious about why men in particular seem to place more importance on that than women...in general! At least they verbalize it more often I think. *
> 
> I realize that there are plenty of women who highly value it as well.
> I consider myself to be a highly sexual person, but still somewhat 'in the closet.'
> ...


Ok.. I have another perspective ..... I married a man who places more emphasis on the *emotional connection *in sex... he is a sensual lover.... the slow hand/ easy touch type.. Love Maker/ Giver.. I can't say he was ever adventurous sexually -the most was going down on me... nor ever spoke he wanted this from me...

He was always satisfied with what we had (just wanted a little more of it)...we were emotionally & physically wrapped up in each other/ lost in each other...every encounter..orgasming together even... and for that.. "adventure" wasn't much on our radar.. 
Though once I hit mid life.. I thought.. "







.... what have we been missing [email protected]#$ 

It was ME who wanted to hang from the chandeliers , do it outside... dress up, lap dances...I bought sex furniture, rented porn.. reading books on spicing/ how to please a man..my hormones were in over drive... this upped my desire for sexual EVERYTHING....it also upped my aggressiveness & threw all my inhibitions to the wind. 

It was ME who suggested Doggie, and just took the bull by the horns introducing new things.....

We've certainly made a host of erotic memories in these past 5 yrs , I even journaled them...with this RUSH that landed on me.. and his coming along for the ride...

.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

OP the more you can let go and let his desire for you be your security the better. Holding back robs you both.


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

You guys are awesome, thank you!!

SA, I can relate!
My husband is a man of few words when it comes to what he wants in bed. He's getting better though. 

He'll mention something in passing, but never asks or says he wants to do this or that. He'll randomly comment.
Then I think he just hopes that I take it from there. I have no idea why I usually drop it. 

He's mentioned dressing up in my cheer uniform from high school, doing a slow strip tease.."why don't you ever do that for me??" holy crap! 
He's asked me to blow him twice in one day...that one I nailed yesterday! Woohoo!! : D 

I suspect that he wants ME to be the one to bring up new ideas though, for the most part. He likes when I bring up things out of the ordinary. But....
It's SOOOOO HARD for me to do that! I don't know why! I'm not religious, no background issues, no major hang ups other than the usual feel of self consciousness at (most) times. 

I hope I go through a time when I can drop all the inhibition & suggest a bunch of crazy things! Ha! I would love it, (but I love our sex now, too

I know the more I let go, the better...(drinking helps!)
I just worry about being judged..even if he doesn't say it out loud. 
I know I'm judging myself.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good eveing karma*girl

A lot of people have trouble saying what they want in bed. The fear of rejection is so strong. This is one of the reasons its important to never reject / mock your partner's request. Its OK to say no, but never act like there is something wrong with them for asking.






karma*girl said:


> You guys are awesome, thank you!!
> 
> SA, I can relate!
> My husband is a man of few words when it comes to what he wants in bed. He's getting better though.
> ...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

skype said:


> It's the difference between going through the drive-thru at McDonalds and having a great meal at a fine restaurant. Both will satisfy your hunger, but a fine restaurant will make you appreciate the creativity and passion that a chef put into creating a menu, buying the freshest ingredients, and preparing them with skill.


lol! Good analogy, although McD's would give me the runs and a tummy ache for days.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

karma*girl said:


> You guys are awesome, thank you!!
> 
> SA, I can relate!
> My husband is a man of few words when it comes to what he wants in bed. He's getting better though.
> ...


 My guess is.. temperament speaking.. you have a more docile personality... true? 

And maybe he does too.. are you both on the laid back side.. with us.. my H is laid back.. Me.. not so much.... outside of sex .. I always had a rather "take charge" personality... even in sex with a little repression.. I still went after what I wanted, I just didn't seem intuned with what all there was out there TO WANT.. silly as that sounds.. I never read a book on it or even thought to explore it ....



> *He's mentioned dressing up in my cheer uniform from high school, doing a slow strip tease.."why don't you ever do that for me??" holy crap! *


 DO it.. surprise him ....meet him at the door * with pom poms * after work one day (well if your kids aren't there -or they'll think Mom has went MAD!).... the element of surprise.. it's very exciting / memorable.. it's the things you & he will carry for yrs to come.. those "remember when" moments.... 

I went on a Lingerie Kick on Ebay (trying to keep the cost down) fpr a time.....it was hit or miss... but that was so much *FUN*.. your husband has mentioned these things, the welcoming it laid out for you.. it's not something you have to question, he's all in.. 



> *He's asked me to blow him twice in one day...that one I nailed yesterday! Woohoo!! :* D


 You mean he wasn't asking yesterday... but he's made mention of it.. and you fulfilled it "on your own"... good for you !! :smthumbup: See you're workin it ! 



> *I suspect that he wants ME to be the one to bring up new ideas though, for the most part. He likes when I bring up things out of the ordinary. But.*...


 Your husband could be geared like mine, there is nothing that thrills him more so than seeing me filled with desire, taking what I want (His motto is "USE ME BABY!"..... 

In one of the books I have.. it compared 2 men...the type that naturally takes control (the alpha male), they are content with this role most of the time anyway... (and their wives are happy).. then it described a 2nd man...would you say your husband is like THIS...seeks THIS >>> 



> "Ted wants his wife to be the sexual aggressor. He loves it wen she pushes him over & jumps on top; it's the most thrilling thing he's ever known to watch his wife actively take part in the sexual act and actually work to find the position where she receives the most stimulation. And when she's expressive about how good shes feeling , Ted can barely contain his excitement".


 My husband is TED..



> *It's SOOOOO HARD for me to do that! I don't know why! I'm not religious, no background issues, no major hang ups other than the usual feel of self consciousness at (most) times*.


 Maybe it's one of those things.. "Feel the fear and do it anyway!" and you just gotta push through it.. baby steps.. does he give you uplifting feedback to stir you on...is he aware how much you WANT to get free... or you are holding this back from him.....and just sharing here on TAM?




> *I hope I go through a time when I can drop all the inhibition & suggest a bunch of crazy things! Ha! I would love it, (but I love our sex now, too*


 Outside of sex.. how is your communication and forthcoming-ness ? Are you vocal about your needs, wants, desires and go for them ? 



> *I know the more I let go, the better...(drinking helps!)
> I just worry about being judged..even if he doesn't say it out loud.
> I know I'm judging myself*.


 What are you speaking to yourself... seriously I ask..

You mentioned being self conscious... I googled some things for this.. this Oprah article came up .. about sex...

Self-Consciousness During Sex - Improving Body Image




> "Sexual intimacy involves the sharing of your innermost essence with another person, and being able to pay attention to yourself as well as to your partner." If you're preoccupied with your body, Kearney-Cooke says—if you're thinking, Is my stomach sticking out? Has he noticed the cellulite on my butt?—you obviously won't be focusing on his desires or yours, or be present in the moment. It's like having a third, unwelcome person in the room: you, your lover, and your cellulite. How intimate is that?


One of the 20 points I have on my thread list below.. is this.. about believing (if your guys been good to you !)...how much He loves you.... we are the ones who OVER THINK IT... comparing ourselves... but just trust he is all into you...he's dropping these hints all over the place.. 



> *4.* *Men want us to know how much they love us.*.
> 
> This was a beautiful article - a survey to men ...the question was :
> 
> ...


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## Redheadguy (Jul 30, 2014)

I think I am like TED also. not because I want to be used as a gym, but because she is demonstrating to me that she is an active participant and extracting a good time. Believe me... if she is having a good time I am having a good time. If she isn't having a good time, nobody is having a good time.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

karma*girl said:


> I'm certainly not complaining, but it gets me thinking, what is it about being a sexually adventurous woman that makes a guy so happy?


It is the eroticism and intimacy derived from the adventurous sex. The book "Kosher Sutra" explains it pretty well.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

vellocet said:


> A comedian I saw once said, "ladies, you don't have to be good, you just have to be there"


This might work for a young guy who is so Horney all the time he would fvck a house plant but its not going to cut it for a man in a long term relationship.


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