# No contact with Children



## asandefur25 (Mar 16, 2016)

Wondering if anyone has advise they can lend. Me and my ex have been apart 3 months. Mind games have been getting played and I'm wanting to sever contact with her. I can't be a good parent to my children when I feel like crap all the time. So doing this takes a little effort since we still have children to raise. Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful

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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

Yeah, don't abandon your kids... They need you, if you realize it or not.. Dad is still Dad.. 
You dont need to talk to your STBXW, and if you do keep it to the KIDS only, In a text or email..


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## asandefur25 (Mar 16, 2016)

Sammy64 said:


> Yeah, don't abandon your kids... They need you, if you realize it or not.. Dad is still Dad..
> You dont need to talk to your STBXW, and if you do keep it to the KIDS only, In a text or email..


The solution I've cane up with for now is my sister is doing most of the communication for me. I am staying with her during this transition and have my children probably more than half the time. So my children aren't missing out on me. But I am making sure my ex is. She waits til she is feeling bad then reels me back only to break me again. I can't have it anymore. It's not fair to me and it's especially not fair to my children to have to see me like that. Plus I don't want to build more animosity toward her because I know the children will see that.

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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

asandefur25 said:


> The solution I've cane up with for now is my sister is doing most of the communication for me. I am staying with her during this transition and have my children probably more than half the time. So my children aren't missing out on me. But I am making sure my ex is. She waits til she is feeling bad then reels me back only to break me again. I can't have it anymore. It's not fair to me and it's especially not fair to my children to have to see me like that. Plus I don't want to build more animosity toward her because I know the children will see that.


1) Break it off with your ex FOR GOOD. Do the 180 and detach from her. She can't "reel you in" anymore if you have no feelings for her. Maintain no contact, let your sister do the communicating and arraign pick up/drop off if you need too.

2) You're kids are a separate matter and should not be punished from seeing dad because you two can't figure out how to be ADULTS. Put the drama aside and put the kids FIRST. Kid's who grow up without fathers usually have issues later in life. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be there.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Lots of people have to use a third party when feelings in divorce run high, so as long as your sister is willing and important information is getting through, stay the course.

Never go no contact on the kids. It can be brutal for them and they will always assume that its about them. Call them, if they don't have their own phone see if that is something you can accomplish, text them, snap-chat, whatever they use, do it. Let them know every single time you see them and talk to them that you will always be their Dad.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

All communication takes place by text or email. This does two things:

1. You have an opportunity to simply ignore, time to process if it is crap, etc.

2. You have a record of every crazy thing she ever sends you.

Do it for your peace of mind.


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## Sammy64 (Oct 28, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> 1) Break it off with your ex FOR GOOD. Do the 180 and detach from her. She can't "reel you in" anymore if you have no feelings for her. Maintain no contact, let your sister do the communicating and arraign pick up/drop off if you need too.
> 
> *2) You're kids are a separate matter and should not be punished from seeing dad because you two can't figure out how to be ADULTS. Put the drama aside and put the kids FIRST. Kid's who grow up without fathers usually have issues later in life. You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be there.*



QFT!!!!.. dont let her drag you back into that crap... i also agree the kids are a separate matter, and they need you.... use your family until you are strong enough to face her.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

That's a poorly worded title, it sounds like you want no contact with your children. Maybe something like "Want to go no contact with ex but have children" would work better. Might want to delete this thread and start again.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Put the needs of your kids first (always) and deal with their father on that basis. If it's good for their well-being that they have liberal contact with their dad, then you suck it up and deal with it. It's not about you and it's not about him. You can be a good parent whether you feel great or feel like crap and if you can't you need to get out of the parenting business. Parenting is 24/7, 365. You don't get time off for feeling like crap. Your feelings don't matter. Your self-esteem doesn't matter. Your pride doesn't matter. Your broken heart means nothing. You decided to make kids with another human and that's a lifetime commitment. You can split with your ex but you can't quit being co-parents with him. If he's the biggest jerk on earth, do the best you can, learn from it, and don't hook up with more jerks. The decision to make this man the father of your kids was made when you had sex with him. Unless he's an axe murderer there is no question about severing contact between him and his kids.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

OP, I have read your two threads and here are my thoughts:

Your wife likes being around men and having fun - simple. She also does not seem very smart, as she ends up having unprotected sex and kids as a result.

You may have been in love with your stbxw but I do not believe that she was ever truly in love with you. She may have worked hard to make the marriage work at the start (she was pregnant with another man's child at the time) but that doesn't mean she was really in love with you.

During your "marriage" she cheated a number of times and that should have told you everything. You seem to have had your head buried in the ground during this.

And now within a very short space of time of being separated, she found a boyfriend (supposedly, just to make you "jealous"). You then played the "pick me" dance (worst thing you could do) and were still rejected! And now she is pregnant with his kid!!!!


And now you finally are angry and can't stand to be around her.

I hope you now understand that this woman is poison for you. Protect access to your child and that is the best you can do for now. Also keep a very close eye on who she has around your child, as she seems to be a dangerously flaky person!


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Do not engage with x only email/text.

Anything other than the kids - no reply


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

When you say your ex-wife is playing mind games, do you mean with your children? If she is telling your children lies all you can do is correct those lies when you are told them. Be your children's biggest support a presence in their life, make regular calls and visits. Show them that she is not being truthful with your own actions. My ex told my kids lies and I was asked a zillion questions which I felt I was always correcting. I confronted my ex more than once but the confrontations just made things worse. His lies were out and out outlandish and I was continually trying to prove my innocence to his nonsense, it gets real old but do not give up. Eventually these kids will see her for who she is.


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