# Any Widows here?



## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

I am 5 years divorced and just started dating a 36 year old widow. Any general advice?

I am totally cool when she talks about her late husband (and she's had 1 serious relationship since but it was a good friend of his). In fact, I think we are really matched up. . .

A. Both have ADD so we know we are unfocused
B. Both same stage of life with kids (I am 10 years older)
C. Both pretty sexuall, yet insecure at times with sex. . .going forward with that.
D. Both up and down with weight and supporting each other on wellness

I admit. . .I do sense a "yearning" for a father-figure for the loss of her boys. . .does it weird me out a bit? Yes. A bit. I totally get it's normal though. . .I just get weirded out because in MY marriage I am pretty sure I was sized up for being a "Father" vs. a "Partner". . .so well, you can see* I *have issues that really have nothing to do with her. I know most women think it's a compliment, but weirdly enough, I take it the other way.

General guidance is appreciated, nothing specific is fine.

Have only dated divorced women.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Is this the poly woman?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

When you say you "take it the other way," what do you mean?


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Yes. It is.

I take it as I dunno. . .like I'm a chump or something.

It was like The Onion did a parody article once. . .showed this hapless guy and the headline was:

"Now. . .how are we gong to get this guy to raise some other guy's genetic offspring?" I know it was meant in jest (and I laughed) and again, this is MY issue. But the compliments I get all the time on how good of a father I am don't really resonate with me. I am convinced this is how I was "sized up" (partially) in my marriage.

Again, my issues, not hers. I'd rather focus on how to best meet a widow's needs, if any different. I think she still does grieve and sometimes pretty hard. Other times she's fine. She can always talk about it and I listen.


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## Natthewife (Jun 16, 2014)

That's how you meet her needs. 
She talks and you listen. No matter what it's about. 
Most common question I ask my husband is 'are you listening ' 



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