# Just lost



## chocolateanger (Oct 1, 2010)

After 6 years of marriage we moved to my husbands home town to take care of his aged parents. Our daughter returned to the town we moved from after trying to fit in here & finding it too difficult. Because he traveled, I did most of the looking after. After caring for his mother, father uncle & 2 aunts until they passed away, he told me to go find some meaning in my life. Our daughter returned to the town we moved from after trying to fit in here & finding it too difficult. So I have worked at various jobs over the last 19 years & tried to make friends & find intrests while he worked & traveled. He has always handled the money & in retrospect I see now that rather than be in this marriage with me he just paid me off. 
Two years ago he lost the job he had had for 20 years. He found another doing the same type of work & told me to just tighten our belt & we would be fine. 6 months ago his company closed & he was out of work again. I had a heart attack & he didn't tell me for several months. I found out when the hospital & doctor bills started coming in. When he did tell me, the roof caved in! We had no savings, no retirement, no health insurance & were in debt big time & we were losing the house. So after much convincing from me,we have filed bankruptcy. I want to move to be near our daughter. We will have to move anyway & he is still not working or actively looking for a job anywhere but online. If he had ever told me we were in such bad shape, I would have found a permanent job. I didn't listen to my instincts & when I asked abiout anything, he would get mad & evasive & tell me we were fine. I am very angry, depressed & hurt. He can't see any reason for me to be angry with him. So we not only have financial problems, but marriage problems also.
I am so fed up that I just want out. I can't leave him because I don't think I could pay for all my medicines & still support myself. Could someone please give me some suggestions about what to do now? I don't think he will ever move from this town.


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## Jabasag (Jan 5, 2011)

I'm not sure I completely understand this post. "I had a heart attack & he didn't tell me for several months. I found out when the hospital & doctor bills started coming in."
How could you not know you had a heart attack? In any case. You need to take it one day at a time and with him. Guys get super defensive when they feel like they're not making enough money. For some reason they feel like it's their own personal failure and not real men or something, which is why he never told you. But it's not too late to take charge, go find a job and work your way back to financial stability. I think you have fantasies of escape and your old hometown has become this huge looming paradise in your mind. It's probably going to be no better there. You guys can work this out, but it's much much much easier of you do it as a team.


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