# Club Med for failing marriages



## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I saw the headline but didn't read the article.









How Much Would You Spend to Save Your Relationship?


After infidelity, these couples turned to upscale, intensive marriage retreats as a last-ditch effort to stay together.




www.elle.com


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)




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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

CharlieParker said:


> I saw the headline but didn't read the article.
> 
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> ...


In the 1980s I had a perv who would come sit on my desk and tell me in graphic detail what he wanted to do sexually or what he had already done and there wasn't a thing I could do about it because everyone knew he was doing it and didn't try to stop it. He did it around them too.

He went on some kind of retreat I'm assuming with his wife and they convinced him what a damaged sick perv he was. And he let me know about it. He had the mistaken notion that because I was having to put up with it at work, that I must be endorsing it, and therefore there was something wrong with me too. But it did stop him from being as bad going forward. 

So I don't know what goes on there but I imagine it's quite a bit like getting skewered at TAM only in person and I'd certainly hope with some actual mental health professionals directing the thing.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

$12,000 for a one week "marriage retreat"? Huge waste of money. Infidelity isn't something that has a quick fix, and the couples are probably going far too early in their "journey" anyway. They are still going to have to invest in IC and MC after the retreat. That money would be better spent spread out over time than trying to get an impossible quick fix. 

I've given close to $20k to MC's between 2019 and now, and that doesn't include all the IC x2. So it's at least doubled.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

bobert said:


> $12,000 for a one week "marriage retreat"? Huge waste of money. Infidelity isn't something that has a quick fix, and the couples are probably going far too early in their "journey" anyway. They are still going to have to invest in IC and MC after the retreat. That money would be better spent spread out over time than trying to get an impossible quick fix.
> 
> I've given close to $20k to MC's between 2019 and now, and that doesn't include all the IC x2. So it's at least doubled.


There is only one sure fire fix to infidelity IMO.

Divorce.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Seems like they're just throwing money around to cover up and not actually fix the problems. Kind of like when your H cheats and buys you a tennis bracelet or a new car. Money doesn't make betrayal and humiliation go away, and we are not all for sale. I get the impression the husband who pushes for this is expecting the fancy vacation will be less expensive than the divorce.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

drencrom said:


> There is only one sure fire fix to infidelity IMO.
> 
> Divorce.


Divorce doesn't really fix it either. It's not like people just walk away unscathed and don't carry it into their future relationships.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Well, I did read it, and I don't like it. 



> When difficult or traumatic formative experiences are shared for the first time, it can help the wronged party view the infidelity through a new lens, as a manifestation of the unfaithful partner’s unresolved issues*, *rather than a reflection of their personal value. If they can bring themselves to empathize with the wrongdoer—no small feat under the circumstances—a softening can take place. And it’s from this softer place that forgiveness can grow.


So we need to empathise with the wrongdoer and their childhood wounds?



> Clara still exhibits symptoms of post-infidelity stress *disorder*, a condition characterized by intrusive recurring thoughts and hypervigilance,


So the betrayed spouse has a "_disorder_" if they're experiencing bad feelings about it?

I'm sorry but I think the wayward spouse has to do the work first. Not the betrayed one.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Laurentium said:


> Well, I did read it, and I don't like it.
> 
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It does read like it was written by a cheater, doesn't it?


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

bobert said:


> Divorce doesn't really fix it either. It's not like people just walk away unscathed and don't carry it into their future relationships.


It certainly fixes it for their victims. Best way to not get cheated on is to not date their worthless asses in the first place. It's why I'll never marry again, and not engage in a committed relationship, even though I would only date one woman at a time. And if I find out she's getting it elsewhere, then she can just stay there.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

drencrom said:


> It certainly fixes it for their victims. Best way to not get cheated on is to not date their worthless asses in the first place. It's why I'll never marry again, and not engage in a committed relationship, even though I would only date one woman at a time. And if I find out she's getting it elsewhere, then she can just stay there.


Sure, doing it that way makes sure you aren't cheated on again but you are obviously still carrying it with you. So not really a "fix" IMO.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Laurentium said:


> Well, I did read it, and I don't like it.
> 
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I agree. Sure, lots of people have reasons they are how they are. That doesn't mean anyone else should agree to be their victim out of empathy and just continue the cycle. It has to stop somewhere.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

CharlieParker said:


> I saw the headline but didn't read the article.
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Thats a great money making scheme. Not much good.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Oh boy!

Wait.

You have to go _together_?


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

bobert said:


> Sure, doing it that way makes sure you aren't cheated on again but you are obviously still carrying it with you. So not really a "fix" IMO.


Nope, not carrying it. The only way to get rid of the pain of it was to get rid of the source. Still doesn't mean I can't recognize the despicableness of it all and advise accordingly.


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