# No sex



## Ariel (Mar 28, 2012)

Please bear with me if I seem to have posted something that is posted all the time. I'm in a situation and I'm completely stumped as far as what to do. Any thoughts or ideas would be greatly appreciated. 

We've been married for 18 years. Our life is nearly perfect with the exception that my husband has not touched me sexually for 4 years. I have done everything possible to work with him and get him treatment. Nothing works, there is no desire on his part, he tells me. The other part of the problem that I'm well aware of, is the fact that he is 25 years older than me. I am barely 40. When we first got together, the sex was phenomenal. The best I ever had. It's at the point now, when I I try to bring up the subject, he jokes and changes the subject. 

Yet he is the yin to my yang. I don't want to leave him, but at the same time I am at my sexual peak in life and I feel like something is missing. Maybe it's just because I haven't had sex for so long, but I feel like a cat in heat right now. Fingers work, but it's not cutting it. I need more. I always loved sex and it was an important part of my life. But now....not so much

So what do I do? What would you do? I've thought of having a discrete tryst, but that seems so cheap. Unfortunately I'm out of better ideas. 
Thanks for listening.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Don't let him joke and change the subject, then. Let him know how much it's bothering you, and that you're to the point of looking at outsourcing sex.

But honestly, what do you expect? At 65, sexual desire for many men is declining. As is their ability to perform. Does he have ED? Has he gone for a physical to rule out any issues? I wouldn't be surprised to hear he's having ED issues and isn't touching you sexually because he can't perform like he used to, and he's embarrassed about it. But unless you break through his joking barrier, you'll get nowhere with him.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## maggot brain (Nov 28, 2010)

Your profile says you're bisexual. Perhaps he'd agree to your having a gf?


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## ValNTine (Feb 27, 2012)

PBear I completely agree. Sounds to me like the problem is that he's unable to perform without the help of medication, and it makes him feel like less of a man. After being "the best", it can't make him feel good knowing he can't get started without the help of a little pill. It's a hit to the male ego, and unfortunately the ability to perform is very closely linked to the ego.

But definitely don't let him change the subject. Tell him you're serious, enough so that you're considering looking elsewhere. Tell him you want to be with him, and that he was the best you've ever had, and that you miss the intimacy. See if he'll finally break down and tell you what the problem is. But I think it's all going to come down to him needing to visit a Doctor for some help with performing.


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## BroderickMi (Mar 30, 2012)

Let him know how much it's bothering you


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## Ariel (Mar 28, 2012)

Honestly, we've been to numerous doctors, tried every medication and device out there, nothing, and I mean nothing works. He will not talk about it any more. He says that he has no sexual desire any more at all. Thanks for your thoughts though. I appreciate them.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does he spend a lot of time on the computer?


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## Ariel (Mar 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Does he spend a lot of time on the computer?


No, none at all. He's a technophobe.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Is he depressed?


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## Ariel (Mar 28, 2012)

Yes, he suffered with it for years. Now he's on medication for that, but one of the side effects is diminished sex drive. Changing or stopping medication is not an option.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

Is it an SSRI like prozac or celexa? Because I had the same thing with both. They can give you another med to help with it or you can work through it, all depends on your brain chemestry.


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