# Why can't I climax while my wife gives me a BJ?



## Huzzah (Sep 11, 2013)

In the past I have been unable to climax while a female performed orally on me, however there was one girl that with some work I was able to routinely. However since I have been married (12 years now) my wife will attempt oral action on me and I cannot finish. I make her cum constantly orally but she cannot do it for me. I think it is in my head that I cannot do that to the mother of my children, but yet I want to so bad. I think my wife is not good at it either. I have came once or twice in twelve years with her but 99 out of 100 I cannot. Why is this? Now she says she wont even try because she is not good at it, she sometimes claims that I am holding back. Once we were having intercourse and I pulled out and had her finish me off orally which was awesome but she must have been drunk or something because she cannot remember it. What can be done?


----------



## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Her mouth is not rubbing your "trigger" area enough for you to orgasm. Have her use her hands and mouth together, and show her what you like and need to get over the top. Have patience with her...it will come in time.


----------



## tryingtoenjoylife (Mar 30, 2012)

Practice practice practice.

I can think of many reasons why and unfortunately a lot will tick your wife off. If you say things like "I like it when this is done (and she has never done it) she may make some snide remark about not being as good as X. 

Here are some suggestions:

1) Abstain for so long that you feel like you are going to bust.

2) Have her seduce you completely. This may help ease the "mother of my children issue" you are having. I mean fully dressed up kissing, etc. I know some women hate being thought of as a sexual object, but in your mind you need to go there. It may even help if she talked a little dirty to you.

3) Communicate what feels good, etc. I know some women that will bring you close and then get very tired. I had one girlfriend who could go at it full go for 8-9 minutes. I had trouble cumming because all I could think was that she was tired and even suggested she use here hand. 

4) Don't let her give up.......If she finds a technique or position that works for you it will be wonderful.


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband has problems doing this, and it's a mental thing he has. Kind of like a madonna-wh0re complex thing going on (thank you AR  ). To him, BJ's are 'dirty' and when I give him one his brain can't reconcile the fact I'm not a hooker or something. I dunno. It's telling that when he cheated he did get a BJ from a hooker but didn't have intercourse with anyone.

My first husband had no problem with my technique, so I don't think that's the problem with me. I've had lots of practice too


----------



## Huzzah (Sep 11, 2013)

Yeah the one girl who could get me to cum had some practice also. Thing is she wasn't even that attractive so how did she get it done and my wife, who is much more attractive, cannot get it done? Must be in the technique.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> My husband has problems doing this, and it's a mental thing he has. Kind of like a madonna-wh0re complex thing going on (thank you AR  ). To him, BJ's are 'dirty' and when I give him one his brain can't reconcile the fact I'm not a hooker or something. I dunno. It's telling that when he cheated he did get a BJ from a hooker but didn't have intercourse with anyone.
> 
> *My first husband had no problem with my technique, so I don't think that's the problem with me*. I've had lots of practice too


Just because the technique worked for one doesn't mean it works for all...much like going down on a woman...just sayin


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> Just because the technique worked for one doesn't mean it works for all...much like going down on a woman...just sayin


This is true. There's lots of other reasons we think hubby has this issue though


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The problem is the teacher, not the student.

How many times do men post in defense claiming they are not mind readers!

Tell your wife what you would like her to do. As she learns to stimulate you in the way you like best, you learn to see your wife as a sexy woman who is trying to please you.

You mentioned your wife thinks she's no good at oral sex...I sure hope you disabused her of that notion...


----------



## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> My husband has problems doing this, and it's a mental thing he has. Kind of like a madonna-wh0re complex thing going on (thank you AR  ). To him, BJ's are 'dirty' and when I give him one his brain can't reconcile the fact I'm not a hooker or something. I dunno. It's telling that when he cheated he did get a BJ from a hooker but didn't have intercourse with anyone.
> 
> My first husband had no problem with my technique, so I don't think that's the problem with me. I've had lots of practice too


My thoughts exactly!


----------



## Refuse to be played (Jun 7, 2013)

I Notice The Details said:


> Her mouth is not rubbing your "trigger" area enough for you to orgasm. Have her use her hands and mouth together, and show her what you like and need to get over the top. Have patience with her...*it will come in time.*


I see what you did there...


----------



## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

Refuse to be played said:


> I see what you did there...


You noticed that intentional "detail"


----------



## rabbcfga (Sep 12, 2013)

Yeah the one girl who could get me to cum had some practice also.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

does she do it with a I love giving you pleasure or do you have to coax her to do it.

I find attitude is everything. because with a good attitude they take instructions well. but with a bad attitude they do the mimun possible and its hard to enjoy when you have that going on.


----------



## Huzzah (Sep 11, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> The problem is the teacher, not the student.
> 
> How many times do men post in defense claiming they are not mind readers!
> 
> ...


Yes I have encouraged her and never once told her she wasn't good at, she is just taking the fact that the desired end game never actually happens.


----------



## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

If it is a physical problem, ask her to use her tongue to press against your frenum as she is sucking with in and out motions of her mouth (sorry if that is graphic). Also ask her to massage and press against your perineum with her free hand.

If it is a mental thing, try stimulating yourself, or IC and when you are very close have her to finish you off with her mouth. Having her complete the deed a few times will help undo any programming your brain has about not letting go in her mouth.


----------



## I Notice The Details (Sep 15, 2012)

committed_guy said:


> If it is a physical problem, ask her to use her tongue to press against your frenum as she is sucking with in and out motions of her mouth (sorry if that is graphic). Also ask her to massage and press against your perineum with her free hand.
> 
> If it is a mental thing, try stimulating yourself, or IC and when you are very close have her to finish you off with her mouth. Having her complete the deed a few times will help undo any programming your brain has about not letting go in her mouth.


:iagree: the frenulum is the KEY to my orgasm when receiving oral sex. When my wife stays on this spot with her tongue and wet hands, I am on my way to an incredible orgasm.


----------



## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

I have only orgasmed once from a bj. I usually am too aware of shooting my load into her mouth and pull her away. 

That one time she refused to release and my god! it was amazing .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> does she do it with a I love giving you pleasure or do you have to coax her to do it.
> 
> I find attitude is everything. because with a good attitude they take instructions well. but with a bad attitude they do the mimun possible and its hard to enjoy when you have that going on.


Yes, attitude is a huge factor. And guys, where are you finding all these wives and GFs who are willing to give BJs to completion? 

Our situation; I've got to ask, her efforts seem half-hearted to me, stops with a disgusted look on her face the second she tastes pre-cum. Has never blown me to completion. Cum in her mouth? You've got to be out of your mind. 

He11, she won't even give me an HJ to completion. 

Attitude is so important. Resentful duty sex sux!


----------



## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

Okay, I'll say it.


Bitter much?


----------



## NewHubs (Dec 23, 2012)

As mentioned on other threads relating to this topic, my wife does not like to swallow. She has done it a few times early on in our relationship but nothing recently. I tend to shoot a lot during a typical orgasm and she does not like all that in her mouth. In some respects I can understand where she is coming from so I don't push it. 

I've trained myself not to orgasm while she is going down on me and now I feel like if she wanted me to orgasm I would have difficulty in doing so.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## NorCalMan (Dec 14, 2011)

I'm just like NewHubs - my wife despises cum in her mouth. As long as I don’t cum she will perform orally – I have to stop her if I feel like I’m getting close. One time years ago, I could not hold back and she went ballistic – went at least a year with no oral - so I’ve trained myself to not orgasm from oral.


----------



## LoveAtDaisys (Jul 3, 2013)

Honestly, I can see your wife's POV, OP. When I give my husband a BJ, I want to make him cum. I want to know that I can give him that ultimate pleasure with my mouth. And when I can't do that I feel like I've failed him. It got really discouraging for probably 18 months or so because I felt like there was no point, I was just going to be exhausted and sore and probably not even manage to get him off.

I know what has helped us is occasionally he will "help" me out. He'll masturbate or use his hands in conjunction with my mouth. We also have had solo sessions where we watched one another or he guided my hands; that helped with learning the type of pressure/touch he enjoys. Or occasionally we'll switch it up and do PIV then oral, or oral then PIV.

Basically, it was him showing me and me getting over this idea that I'm a failure if I can't bring him to O with my mouth/hand alone.


----------



## keeper63 (Mar 22, 2012)

Seems like one or both of you have issues with you ejaculating in her mouth, and it's creating a mental block.

I would talk to her about whether or not having you cvm in her mouth is a problem for her, and be prepared to discuss any issues you might have with it.

My first suggestion would be to have PIV up to the point where you are going to cvm, then pull out and have her finish you with her mouth. This only works if you/she doesn't have any issues about her tasting her own pvssy juices. Some women have serious issues with that.

If there is an issue around actually ejaculating in her mouth, have her work your frenulum with her tongue while she sucks you, and have her work your shaft with her hand (almost like she is giving you a handjob with your knob in her mouth). When you are ready to blow, let her know so she can pull your c*ck out of her mouth when you shoot.

It's all about communication, and letting each other know what you want, what you don't want, and what feels good.


----------



## Huzzah (Sep 11, 2013)

LoveAtDaisys said:


> Honestly, I can see your wife's POV, OP. When I give my husband a BJ, I want to make him cum. I want to know that I can give him that ultimate pleasure with my mouth. And when I can't do that I feel like I've failed him. It got really discouraging for probably 18 months or so because I felt like there was no point, I was just going to be exhausted and sore and probably not even manage to get him off.
> 
> I know what has helped us is occasionally he will "help" me out. He'll masturbate or use his hands in conjunction with my mouth. We also have had solo sessions where we watched one another or he guided my hands; that helped with learning the type of pressure/touch he enjoys. Or occasionally we'll switch it up and do PIV then oral, or oral then PIV.
> 
> Basically, it was him showing me and me getting over this idea that I'm a failure if I can't bring him to O with my mouth/hand alone.


I think you do understand as I have heard all about everything you have spoken of. It doesn't help that I can get her off with ease orally. She claims I am showing off. On a side note, the wife has no clue about the girl from the past who could finish me off. I figure at this point no good could come out of telling her that someone else use to satisfy me in a way that she has not. However after reading some posts I do recall that it did take a while for said female to accomplish her goal then once it happened it would happen more frequently during future encounters with her.


----------



## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Huzzah said:


> However after reading some posts I do recall that it did take a while for said female to accomplish her goal then once it happened it would happen more frequently during future encounters with her.


I think our brains can learn to prefer pleasure in one way and less in others. The example I'm thinking about is if a guy masturbates with a death grip and meets a woman who isn't so tight he may have trouble enjoying it because his brain has learned tightness equals pleasure. 

That may or may not be your issue but might be a good starting point. I guess the goal would be to get as close as possible and then have her finish you off with her mouth if she is up for that.

Good luck and have fun "training"


----------

