# I need some advice



## Ray83 (Sep 28, 2015)

I haven't posted in quite a while but I'd like to get some opinions on things I have going on in my marriage. My wife and I have been married for 13 years and it's had it's ups and downs. Shortly after we were married my wife told me during a conversation that she is a control freak and likes things her way and for the most part I go along with it to keep the peace. One of the things that has been an annoyance to her is my weight. I'm in my late thirties now and have always had a bit of a spare tire, nothing severe, but you can't see my six pack type of deal. Again after we were married, she told me I wasn't really her type, she prefers 6 packs, so when I asked her why she married me her response was that none of her other relationships with her type worked out so she figured she'd try something different. Talk about romantic.. Early on in our marriage the sex was great and often but then tapered off. For the past 4 to 5 years all she has wanted is quickies and would often ask how quick I could be. But in the last few months she's gotten frustraded that things don't last. Last winter she was working a lot and would be away from home 3-4 nights a week but has since stopped doing that. She told me not long ago that she had a guy hit on her and it's probably a good thing she wasn't working away from home because the temptation to have good sex that last longer than I do would probably have been too much for her to withstand. When we got married we had decided to not have more kids, she already had two, but every so often we would talk about it but never actually decided to have more. Around the time she told me about the guy who had been hitting on her, she told me she was frustrated and annoyed that we didn't have more kids and had actually thought at one point about having an affair to get pregnant and just not tell me. According to her, our relationship is the only one she has never cheated on. I'm hoping someone can offer me some advice on how to go forward or at least help me understand her logic. I'm happy to answer questions if you need more info.
Thanks


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Not sure what you really need from us...she basically told you that she plans or is the thoughs of an affaor or pre affair....she doesn't really love you and she finds you not her type....not sure what more you need to hear or see to move on. sorry man but it's time to put on your big boys pants on and rip the bandaid off quickly


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

You may not like what we are going to tell you. Even stop reading all bothered, but after 7 years since your first post, basically the problem is that you are a SIMP, Plainly.

Read some of what you wrote:



Ray83 said:


> Shortly after we were married my wife told me during a conversation that she is a control freak and likes things her way and for the most part I go along with it to keep the peace.


Since the beginnings you let her have the power, you abdicated like the typical guy that is so weak that can't have confrontation...too scared to rock the boat.



Ray83 said:


> Again after we were married, she told me I wasn't really her type, she prefers 6 packs, so when I asked her why she married me her response was that none of her other relationships with her type worked out so she figured she'd try something different.


Dude, you are either so slow that can't understand, or such a wuss that have no self respect, nor dignity in order to stand there listening to what she just said to you. Basically, that she just pick you as a low plan B, 'couse she couldn't trap the alpha men she was after, so she settled with you.

And all you can come up with is "talk about romantic". Dude, that's beyond pathetic. It shows how little of an opinion you have about yourself.



Ray83 said:


> She told me not long ago that she had a guy hit on her and it's probably a good thing she wasn't working away from home because the temptation to have good sex that last longer than I do would probably have been too much for her to withstand.


This is beyond to fathom that you just stood there taking it like a punching bag and nor reacting. That's beyond disrespect. She basically doesn't sees you as a man. To blatantly tell you that in your face she "must" know and understand that she can tell you whatever without fear of repercussions because she understands that you are a pushover beta dude to her.



Ray83 said:


> According to her, our relationship is the only one she has never cheated on


And you believe this...why???? Are you that self deprecating and weak that you wouldn't even question that statement right in her face?

Dude, you need somehow to find your balls and reattach them, at least temporarily to get rid of this woman thst no alpha dude would ever take her.

That, or continue Falling on that sword like the self sacrificing white knight that you are.

You should start by reading "No More Mr Nice Guy ". Is free just Google it.
Somehow, I get the feeling that you won't pay heed to what I'm saying, and you just would get angry and this is just one of those internet macho commandos clicking away. But believe me, when I tell you that you need to get your self respect back.

Me, I wouldn't even ever considered her as a wife, after she would tell me that she was a control freak. I would do her for a little while and them dumped her, just like all those other men did.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Ray83 said:


> I haven't posted in quite a while but I'd like to get some opinions on things I have going on in my marriage. My wife and I have been married for 13 years and it's had it's ups and downs. Shortly after we were married my wife told me during a conversation that she is a control freak and likes things her way and for the most part I go along with it to keep the peace. One of the things that has been an annoyance to her is my weight. I'm in my late thirties now and have always had a bit of a spare tire, nothing severe, but you can't see my six pack type of deal. Again after we were married, she told me I wasn't really her type, she prefers 6 packs, so when I asked her why she married me her response was that none of her other relationships with her type worked out so she figured she'd try something different. Talk about romantic.. Early on in our marriage the sex was great and often but then tapered off. For the past 4 to 5 years all she has wanted is quickies and would often ask how quick I could be. But in the last few months she's gotten frustraded that things don't last. Last winter she was working a lot and would be away from home 3-4 nights a week but has since stopped doing that. *She told me not long ago that she had a guy hit on her and it's probably a good thing she wasn't working away from home because the temptation to have good sex that last longer than I do would probably have been too much for her to withstand.* When we got married we had decided to not have more kids, she already had two, but every so often we would talk about it but never actually decided to have more. Around the time she told me about the guy who had been hitting on her, she told me she was frustrated and annoyed that we didn't have more kids and had actually thought at one point about having an affair to get pregnant and just not tell me. According to her, our relationship is the only one she has never cheated on. I'm hoping someone can offer me some advice on how to go forward or at least help me understand her logic. I'm happy to answer questions if you need more info.
> Thanks


The bolded part would be something I’d never forget and would be enough to kill the marriage forever. I’m not so sure she hasn’t already hooked up with a “Mr. six pack” along the way. Sorry dude. This all sounds disastrous to me.


----------



## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

This woman is beyond toxic. For your own health, I would recommend you get out of it.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

3 guesses what she was doing when she said she was working late. If you’re not a drive by Poster, you’ll see lots of 2x4’s from people here. You need a friend in real life to give you one. What your wife has told you to your face, no man should accept. You should see an attorney Monday.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I can see this going one of two ways , 1 you do know that she is toxic, but she is toxic in the nicest way she gives you just what you need to keep you sweet , 
Give him the odd quickie and in her dry times she wanted it to last longer , 
she likes to have you around for what ever you bring to her and the relationship ,

there is a danger you will end up dependent on her , like she is a mother to you and you need to be told where to put things and what to do ,
but you could end up her _Cuckold_ Husband 

it is going to be hard to prove that in the past she cheated on you , but the question is do you want to stay with her as she is and become more and more her _Cuckold_ or get out of it


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

She is just mean and toxic. I wouldn’t be able to stay married to someone that said those things she said.

she doesn’t respect you and she doesn’t honor you.

I’d divorce her. As soon as possible! She is cruel!


----------



## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Sounds like a nice woman.


----------



## Chet8625 (Jul 13, 2010)

Basically she married you so she would have a father/support for her two kids. Now that the kids are older, the truth comes out because she can live with the fallout (out leaving).


----------



## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

She sounds like a terribly mean person... 😞


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Ray83 said:


> I haven't posted in quite a while but I'd like to get some opinions on things I have going on in my marriage. My wife and I have been married for 13 years and it's had it's ups and downs. Shortly after we were married my wife told me during a conversation that she is a control freak and likes things her way and for the most part I go along with it to keep the peace. One of the things that has been an annoyance to her is my weight. I'm in my late thirties now and have always had a bit of a spare tire, nothing severe, but you can't see my six pack type of deal. Again after we were married, she told me I wasn't really her type, she prefers 6 packs, so when I asked her why she married me her response was that none of her other relationships with her type worked out so she figured she'd try something different. Talk about romantic.. Early on in our marriage the sex was great and often but then tapered off. For the past 4 to 5 years all she has wanted is quickies and would often ask how quick I could be. But in the last few months she's gotten frustraded that things don't last. Last winter she was working a lot and would be away from home 3-4 nights a week but has since stopped doing that. She told me not long ago that she had a guy hit on her and it's probably a good thing she wasn't working away from home because the temptation to have good sex that last longer than I do would probably have been too much for her to withstand. When we got married we had decided to not have more kids, she already had two, but every so often we would talk about it but never actually decided to have more. Around the time she told me about the guy who had been hitting on her, she told me she was frustrated and annoyed that we didn't have more kids and had actually thought at one point about having an affair to get pregnant and just not tell me. According to her, our relationship is the only one she has never cheated on. I'm hoping someone can offer me some advice on how to go forward or at least help me understand her logic. I'm happy to answer questions if you need more info.
> Thanks


Wow. Just wow. You picked a real winner to marry. Sad for you man. She tells you stuff to intentionally hurt you. You arent her sexual type, you are too slow to cum, then you are too quick on the trigger, then she tempted to cheat, then you are the only one she hasnt cheated on (yeah sure).

In your shoe I would divorce her yesterday. You have no kids, ought to be simple.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If she turns up pregnant, dna the kid.


----------



## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Sad thing is even if not his, as husband he is presumed to be the father in lot jurisdictions.


----------



## Ray83 (Sep 28, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> If she turns up pregnant, dna the kid.


The thought crossed my mind years ago to do that!


----------



## Ray83 (Sep 28, 2015)

Works said:


> She sounds like a terribly mean person... 😞


She can be!


----------



## Ray83 (Sep 28, 2015)

frenchpaddy said:


> I can see this going one of two ways , 1 you do know that she is toxic, but she is toxic in the nicest way she gives you just what you need to keep you sweet ,
> Give him the odd quickie and in her dry times she wanted it to last longer ,
> she likes to have you around for what ever you bring to her and the relationship ,
> 
> ...


Good points. I'm not dependent on her, but I see what you're saying.


----------



## Ray83 (Sep 28, 2015)

Rob_1 said:


> You may not like what we are going to tell you. Even stop reading all bothered, but after 7 years since your first post, basically the problem is that you are a SIMP, Plainly.
> 
> Read some of what you wrote:
> 
> ...


Thank you for your input, I'll look up the book. I put up with a lot I know, but I was doing it for the kids. Now neither of them are living here anymore and I'm not putting up with her crap.


----------



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Ray83 said:


> Shortly after we were married my wife told me during a conversation that she is a control freak and likes things her way and for the most part I go along with it to keep the peace.
> *
> . Again after we were married, she told me I wasn't really her type, she prefers 6 packs, so when I asked her why she married me her response was that none of her other relationships with her type worked out so she figured she'd try something different. *
> 
> ...


OK let's get very serious here. You said you wanted to understand her logic so let's break this down because there actually is a pattern and a logical explanation for this...... but you're not gonna like it. 

Let's start with this concept that you need to let soak into your brain - Women make rules for betas and break rules for alphas. 

There are also manosphere sayings like, "Alpha fux, beta bucks."

You are the consumate beta here. She is attracted to the good looking alpha studs with the 6 pack abz and d' gunz etc and had their babies,,,, but they would not commit to her because they didn't want to change diapers and deal with chicks with stretch marks and leaky boobs. 

So she found you to help raise her kids and put a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. She banged you a few times to sucker you in and hook you. Can you say "ZEBCO."

The quickies were she had to pay some kind of rent to keep you paying the bills but eventually those got tiresome and frustrating for her. 

The critical thing to understand here is when she encountered this hotter guy, her body and her inner psyche went back into mating mode again and she wanted to get it on with this guy and have *HIS *offspring but have *YOU PAY FOR IT. *This is what's known as "Cuckolding."

This kind of crap goes on all the time in the world and the whole cottage industry of the Red Pill community and MGTOW movements are pretty much based on it. 

The shocking part here and the thing you need to understand is she has so absolutely little respect and esteem for you and so little desire and common decency towards you is that *SHE IS ADMITTING IT TO YOU! *

And what is equally shocking is that you are accepting it and tolerating it. Any man with any sense of pride and dignity would have done an immediate about-face and headed straight down to the courthouse to start filing divorce paperwork immediately. 

That is her logic and her agenda and she is outright admitting it to you. It's just a matter of time before she puts this plan and into action and it all comes to fruition where she is having kids with other guys and you are the one laundering her semen-soaked underwear and footing the bills for these other men's kids. 

Either give me her contact info so I can contact her and show her what a real man can do in bed. Or you yourself grow some balls and man up and send her and her two parasites on your checkbook packing.


----------



## HarryBosch (6 mo ago)

Once you grow a set, you find your freedom is oh so sweet.


----------



## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Her words should be enough to stir even the most affable man to rage. But since OP lurves her so much, he should cut her loose so she can freely climb on those other dudes she’s yearning for without feeling tied down by those pesky wedding vows.


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Get your T levels checked.


----------



## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Ray83 said:


> Thank you for your input, I'll look up the book. I put up with a lot I know, but I was doing it for the kids. Now neither of them are living here anymore and I'm not putting up with her crap.


Don't just read it, apply what it will teach you. That's a start.


----------

