# What To Expect



## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

I have been married for 11 years, and found out 13 days ago that my wife had 3 affairs. 
We have a 4 year old boy.
I am leaning on forgiveness, but i can't get the images out if my head. 
I am the sole financial provider. I worked and incurred debt while my wife got a 4 year degree. (Though she is angry because I insisted she get a degree in something that can get a job easily, and not something she really wanted..... There are 2 sides to that though, I'll go into that later)
My wife has been finished with college for about 3 years and has not attempted to get a job. (Though she does take care of our son day and night) (I work an overnight job)

The question, 
If I were to divorce, (the state of Georgia) what could I expect?
(Our debt is a total of about 40k including the house which is easily worth over 100k)

Would she take half and get half custody of our boy?
Also, she was negligent with our boy. He was sleeping in another room while they did their business. 
Also, this guy beat her up, and she still let him in the house with our boy in the other room.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

To me a divorce from this b1tch would be priceless.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Generally speaking, your wife would probably get to continue living in the house. You would be required to pay child support monthly. If you failed to do so, there is a good chance you would be put in jail for brief periods of time.

If you could agree with your wife on some way to divide up the debt, that would be to your advantage, since the courts will otherwise saddle you with most of it.

Go speak with an attorney to get better answers. 50/50 shared custody would probably be what the court assigned. If you could get confirmation of adultery, neglect, and physical abuse by the OM, that would help your situation, but probably not by much.

It seems to me that you made a spectacularly bad choice of women to fall in love with. If you stay with her after 3 affairs and everything else she has done over the course of your marriage, I think you will have a thoroughly miserable life, but if you choose to stay with her, you will deserve exactly what you will get.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

gmsisko1 said:


> I have been married for 11 years, and found out 13 days ago that my wife had 3 affairs.
> We have a 4 year old boy.
> I am leaning on forgiveness, but i can't get the images out if my head.
> I am the sole financial provider. I worked and incurred debt while my wife got a 4 year degree. (Though she is angry because I insisted she get a degree in something that can get a job easily, and not something she really wanted..... There are 2 sides to that though, I'll go into that later)
> ...


Start the D process. You need to protect your child.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Wow. Could you really forgive all that?
Get free consults with a few lawyers - you need more than one opinion on this. 
You will need hard evidence to prove any of it in court. Gather some if you can in case you need it. 
Given you work nights the custody will be tricky. Can you change to a day job?
Sorry to hear such a sad story. From your short description, at face value it's a total deal breaker a few times over, 3 affairs, OM in your house, OM in your house while your son was there and OM beat her up? Sheesh!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Pretty sure that infidelity matters in Georgia with respect to divorce, alimony, custody, etc.

What do you want to do? Either way, I'd consult a lawyer.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Good grief,

She has had at least 3 sexual affairs that you know of and had no problem bringing her lover into your home and into your bed. Enough said. If the roles were reversed would she put up with such humiliations and disrespect from you? I doubt it so why are you. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

1. Get tested for STD's immediately.
2. See a lawyer immediately.
3. Have your children tested for paternity.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

PA is a deal breaker for me.

OM in "MY" house, deal breaker.

OM beat her up in "MY" house, deal breaker.

Three strikes there in my own book.

But tell me why you are leaning towards forgiveness and Reconcilliation???

Why did she not get a job after she finished school? You said she got a degree in a field where work would be easier to get?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

First thing. Tell her to find a job because she's going to need one real soon.

Second. Go further in debt and get rid of the bed and mattress and buy another and sleep in it alone.

Third. Hire a lawyer and file for divorce. If she is so low class that she brings another man in your home, screws him in your bed with your kid in the other room, then she isn't worth keeping. Not to mention that the guy was violent and beat her up so with that kind of information, you might have a real good chance gaining custody of your kid.

Last. Please get the notion of forgiving her because she isn't worth it. An affair is bad enough but when she does it it your home with your kid there, you tell me, what part is worth saving.

She's a liar, cheat and a bad parent. Don't fall for the tears and pleading. She proved to you beyond a shadow of a doubt that she has little or no respect for you, the marriage or her children. She's not a person to trust and the sooner you get her out of your life the better off you will be. Don't play games with her and just remember that she did this with your kid there. That should be enough for any man to want to take her to the wall.


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## ShootMePlz! (Oct 5, 2008)

*What To Expect

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been married for 11 years, and found out 13 days ago that my wife had 3 affairs. *

*A 4TH Affair!!!!*


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Awaiting response of OP before adding my three cents..


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

Okay,
Let me clear a couple things up. 
The first affair started in about spring of 2012.
(I'm told they only had sex once)
The second affair was later in 2012.
(I'm told they only had sex once)
The third guy I believe started in October 2012 and continued until May of 2014...... 13 days ago)
I just found out about the affairs 13 days ago. 
I have proof of one of them. (I took pictures of the messages on her iPod touch before they were deleted.( (she uses her iPod because I didn't want to pay for a data plan on an iPhone with her not working) 

Her degree is in something that she does not like, which I had a big hand in her choosing that degree because at the time jobs in that field were plentiful.)

I love my wife, even in the midst of all this.
As best I can tell, she has repented, and I see a huge difference in her. 

I am a Christian, and I have prayed constantly, and I believe The Lord is telling me to forgive. 

I am told they never used our beds. (I believe this, because I could tell if my bed had been disturbed) 

We have been married for 11 years, and to the best of my knowledge the affairs have been going on for 2 years. 

(Still, I have obviously been lied to by her multiple times, so I am trying to verify everything she says before I believe)


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## Bamzor (Aug 15, 2012)

gmsisko1 said:


> Okay,
> 
> I am told they never used our beds. (*I believe this, because I could tell if my bed had been disturbed*)


:scratchhead:

Are you for real? He could have used your toothbrush and you would not know. 

You don't know a tenth of it.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

There is nobody as blind as a man who refuses to see.

She has been having 3 separate affairs for the past two years and only had sex with each partner once and into your home with your children present? This is embarrassing that you could possibly believe such a story. Your wife plays you for a fool and apparently you comply.

There is nobody as blind as a man who refuses to see.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Pretty sure that infidelity matters in Georgia with respect to divorce, alimony, custody, etc.
> 
> What do you want to do? Either way, I'd consult a lawyer.


:iagree:

Ask the lawyer if you can go for alimony from her. More often it is women putting men through college and then the guy dumps her. The rolls are reversed but that doesn't change the fact that you bankrolled a valuable degree. Even if she isn't using it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Who was the 3rd OM ? How did they meet ?

How do you know he beat her up ? 

Where does he live and is he married ?


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

gmsisko1 said:


> Okay,
> Let me clear a couple things up.
> The first affair started in about spring of 2012.
> *(I'm told they only had sex once)*The second affair was later in 2012.
> ...


Ok here goes, I am going to give you some real-world right between the eyes honest advice, just like I would give to my brother. First, stop feeling sorry for yourself and open your eyes. You need to take control of the situation, and not be a victim. She did at least 3 guys that you know about, 99% says it was more, and if she says they were only 1 time it was really 20. She kept cheating because she was good at it and would still be at it if you didn’t catch on. Yes I’m a Christian too, is she?? Getting caught is not just a coincidence that, she would still be at it if she could, and will again when the dust settles. Come to accept that she did multiple guys wrap your head around the fact she spread her legs and let a few guys bang away – get mad and even. This is not your fault cheating is 100% on her –no M and none of us are perfect so don’t start that thinking about how you could have done this better or that better….drop it now it doesn’t help you. Its done, can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube now. 
1.Get to a good lawyer, get all your facts out, and find your options. Its will calm you down to know the truth. Its all about money
2.Get a handle on all the money – dept, savings assets etc – get it down for you and the lawyer. Its all about money in a D. Set up a new account with just your name. 
3.Do not beg her, you take control
4.What do you want to do – yes I know that you love her yada yada yad blah blah …and all that. We all did. After talking to the lawyer and thinking about her and her actions what do you want to do. I would D after this and get a new woman myself……she is a professional cheater. Play dirty, and don’t tell her your plans reread #3
5.Its about money in a D, she has none. Play with her; tell her the only way you would consider R is if she gets a full time job. Once she starts working I would file D, you payments will drop in half. There is no worse feeling in life then writing a check each month to a lying cheating *****. So set her up, then D her……..and get on with your life….

the bold is called trickle truth, she is trying to figure out how much you know and thats all you will hear......


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> I am a Christian, and I have prayed constantly, and I believe The Lord is telling me to forgive.


How ? Is that what you wnat ?

There is nothing wrong in trying to preserve the family but you need to realize what actually happened and what is that you are forgiving. you need two people for a relationship. If you refuse to acknowledge reality, it won't go away


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

*Re: Re: What To Expect*



gmsisko1 said:


> As best I can tell, she has repented, and I see a huge difference in her.
> 
> I am a Christian, and I have prayed constantly, and I believe The Lord is telling me to forgive.


And you're convinced of all this in a matter of 13 days?

Go see your pastor, your family, her family, and your lawyer. Tell them what has happened and tell them what you believe to be true. But have an answer for them when the ask why for two years you didn't know, and the Lord didn't tell you she was cheating.


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## Turin74 (Apr 11, 2014)

gmsisko1 said:


> I am a Christian, and I have prayed constantly, and I believe The Lord is telling me to forgive.


It looks like you are struggling to find tangible reasons for reconciliation/continuation of marriage inside you, so your are going with 'the Lord' tells me.

Up to you... I'd suggest forgive her when moving on after divorcing her.

The time line the way I read it... did you ask her to wright the detailed timeline? Do it.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

bryanp said:


> There is nobody as blind as a man who refuses to see.
> 
> She has been having 3 separate affairs for the past two years and only had sex with each partner once and into your home with your children present? This is embarrassing that you could possibly believe such a story. Your wife plays you for a fool and apparently you comply.
> 
> There is nobody as blind as a man who refuses to see.



I am told she only had sexy once with 2 of them, the third one I am told she had sex multiple times. (I am told)


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

warlock07 said:


> Who was the 3rd OM ? How did they meet ?
> 
> How do you know he beat her up ?
> 
> Where does he live and is he married ?


She met all 3 of them on Craig's List. (Looking for a pin pal...... Heemmm) 

(Zone promised never to go to CL again) (I am watching carefully, as I do not trust her...... But I love her)

She told me that he beat her up.


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

Southernsurf,

On D Day I only found out about guy #3.
She told me the rest on D day, but after I found out about guy #3.
It was like a switch was hit. She hot completely honest.
(So I believe)


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

gmsisko1 said:


> I am a Christian, and I have prayed constantly, and I believe.


In the Bible, there are 3 capitol offenses. And one of those is infidelity. Forgiveness is not mandatory. Also, given her story thus far you can scriptually divorce her. 

The sad fact is you are married to a serial beteayer. It's who she is. 

So the question is, are you willing to live with continued betrayals? If so, carry on. If not, see an attorney.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Georgia is an equitable distribution state, not community property. 50/50 split of assets is not the default.

Under Georgia divorce law.....

_"Effect on Your Divorce

If you can convince a judge that your spouse had both the opportunity and the desire to commit adultery, it can impact all areas of your divorce, including custody, equitable distribution of property and spousal support. If her infidelity causes your divorce, she is not eligible to receive alimony in Georgia. If she subjects your children to the presence of her paramour, this can affect a judge’s decisions regarding custody. If she drains marital funds or assets to shower gifts on her lover or to travel to meet up with him, you may receive a disproportionately high share of marital property to make up for the portion of that money that was rightfully yours.

Defenses

Both your spouse and her paramour have the right to contest your ground of adultery in a Georgia court of law. The easiest way for either of them to do this is if you condone her affair. This means that you must immediately terminate your relationship with her when you learn of her infidelity. If you’re intimate with her afterward, or if you continue living with her, both she and her paramour may argue that you’ve forgiven her. A judge will take this into consideration, so if you suspect your spouse of straying, consult with an attorney to find out your best course of action."_

Adultery & Divorce in Georgia | LegalZoom: Legal Info

ETA: The above quote assumes that the wife is the cheater. If it's the husband who cheats.. (and he's the primary earner) he can expect the mirror image of the above..


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

How was it that you found out about OM #3?


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

thatbpguy said:


> In the Bible, there are 3 capitol offenses. And one of those is infidelity. Forgiveness is not mandatory. Also, given her story thus far you can scriptually divorce her.
> 
> *The sad fact is you are married to a serial beteayer. It's who she is. *
> 
> So the question is, are you willing to live with continued betrayals? If so, carry on. If not, see an attorney.



'fraid so and finding willing partners off of Craigslist isn't in the best interest of your child.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

larry.gray said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Ask the lawyer if you can go for alimony from her. More often it is women putting men through college and then the guy dumps her. The rolls are reversed but that doesn't change the fact that you bankrolled a valuable degree. Even if she isn't using it.


I put my ex through medical school and residency. When he was done with this, he wanted a divorce. We had been married 11 years. I was not able to get anything back from putting him through school. Not many states do this.. I think California is one of the only states that consider one spouse's investment in the other's education.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

If she admitted to sex once, that means many times.

If she has had 3 she admitted, multiply that by at least 3 over the years.

Have you been tested for stds?

Has she given you a timeline of all the affairs?

Have you exposed the affairs to OM's wife? She should help you with this. 

She needs counseling, and you need a divorce.

She needs to get a job to pay you alimony.

Wake up. and she should be tested for stds.


You can not rug sweep this. If you do, there will be more OM's.

Get out and get an attorney.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you are going to divorce her, you need get solid evidence that she cheated. A few text messages might not be enough. It's very very hard to prove adultery. 

One way you can do this is the record conversations you have with her. Get a VAR (voice activated recorder). Don't let her know you have it. Then ask her to tell you about the affair, ask her questions about sex with the other men (OM). 

Georgia is a one-party state for recording conversations. That means that as long as one party in the conversation agrees to the recording, it's legal and can be used in court. In this case you would be the one party agreeing.

Another thing about divorce and adultery. If you forgive past adultery and continue a marriage (this means that you have sex with her), then the court considers that the adultery is not a valid basis for divorce.

Because of this, you need to consult with an attorney to find out your rights whether you go for divorce right now or if you go for reconciliation.

I do agree with the person above who suggested that you tell her that part of what you require for reconciliation is that she had to find a job. That means that job hunting is her full time occupation until she has a job. It's not just a setup for divorce. She needs to be working to make you feel that she is not taking advantage of you.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

OP,

My maternal family has always followed the path you are taking...it is pure rugsweeping using Christianity as an excuse.

My grandmother's A (which produced a love child my grandfather then raised), my aunt's multiple A's, my BIL's A...all rugswept and never dealt with because Christians are supposed to be 'forgiving',

And not one of these situations was ever fully dealt with...the result is that the family continues in massive dysfunction with lots of resentments and anger just under the surface which constantly boils over into arguments and blow-ups. 

You need to expose these A's to both your families and all friends, then file for D (you can always cancel if she shows true honesty and remorse and starts doing everything necessary to repair your M)

She has to see that she is about to lose her life as she knows it.

Why would you want a woman back who can betray you MULTIPLE times, endanger herself AND your children by bringing a violent POS into your own home, and did not stop these betrayals on her own, but only after you caught her?

And do not believe that bulls**t about not using your bed...do you really think they were going at it in the living room (or some other family space) with your son around and potentially able to walk in on them?

All she had to do was remake the bed after quickly washing the bedding.

You are believing all her excuses because you are completely in denial yourself...YOU want to rugsweep this because you are afraid of losing her.

If my family history has taught me anything this is a huge mistake.

The damage and resentments will last far into the future.

And if your son one day finds out about it all (and he most likely will, my grandmother's A's were exposed across the family over 40 years later), he will likely lose a tremendous amount of respect for you.

I know I now look on my grandfather with pity and a small amount of disgust, and this was the man I admired more than anyone as a young boy. 

Do not choose this path.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Pretty sure that infidelity matters in Georgia with respect to divorce, alimony, custody, etc.
> 
> What do you want to do? Either way, I'd consult a lawyer.


From the lawyer interwebs:

If you can convince a judge that your spouse had both the opportunity and the desire to commit adultery, it can impact all areas of your divorce, including custody, equitable distribution of property and spousal support. If her infidelity causes your divorce, she is not eligible to receive alimony in Georgia. If she subjects your children to the presence of her paramour, this can affect a judge’s decisions regarding custody. If she drains marital funds or assets to shower gifts on her lover or to travel to meet up with him, you may receive a disproportionately high share of marital property to make up for the portion of that money that was rightfully yours.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dyokemm said:


> My maternal family has always followed the path you are taking...it is pure rugsweeping using Christianity as an excuse.


There is a way to work on reconciliation that is not rug sweeping. And yes this is a very Christian approach to take. Christianity does not demand rug sweeping. Just because your relatives rug swept infidelity, does not mean that it’s the only approach to reconciliation and rebuilding a strong marriage.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

EleGirl,

Not saying that my family is representative of Christianity as a whole.

But it is something I have seen with MANY Christians, my family included.

And I'm not saying that R is always weak or a mistake.

I would personally never do it, but I know that my path in life is not the only respectable or correct one.

R can indeed work...but I think it should be done from a position of strength for the BS, not fear of losing a cheater.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

Reconciling with her sounds like a bridge too far, for sure. Allowing this stuff to go on is disgusting, and an indication of poor character beyond what is normally reported around here.

She sounds absolutely destructive, and without any obvious redeeming qualities. She's shown who she'll protect, and its not you, your son, or your marriage.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Dyokemm said:


> EleGirl,
> 
> Not saying that my family is representative of Christianity as a whole.
> 
> ...


gmsisko1 has stated that he wants to try for reconciliation. My take on it is that if that's his choice (and he has every right to make such a choice), then supporting him in reconciliation is what we should be doing. 

Sure he needs to know his right in divorce and realize other potential paths. But instead of support for his decision he's getting a choir of men telling him that the only way he can really be a man is to dump his wife and not reconcile. 

There is a lot of help that we could be giving him other than telling him that he has to divorce her.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

The idea that Christians are called to forgive an affront w/o addressing the underlying issues behind said affront is nothing short of incorrect, foolish, and cowardly.

Also, forgiveness and divorce are not mutually exclusive; you can forgive, and then divorce, or (what I'd expect to be more common) vice versa.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

why are you on here asking for advice when you have already made up your mind? you have forgave her already and want to R and let me tell you your wife is happy. she will continue to have affairs and will now be 1.7 million times better at hiding it. 

she knows if you wont D her for screwing a om in your house with your kid home she can do whatever she wants and you will NEVER divorce her.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

gmsisko1 said:


> The question,
> If I were to divorce, (the state of Georgia) what could I expect?
> (Our debt is a total of about 40k including the house which is easily worth over 100k)


In Georgia as in most state, child support is a given. Bear in mind child support is not, like some would have you believe, an incremental cost. In the happiest marriage the spouse is still paying to support the kid(s). 
Alimony is to assist the lower earner with necessary expenses while the spouses transition to living apart. Permanent alimony is rare and usually reserved for those with poor prospects for employment due to health, mental problems, or age. It in highly unlikely your spouse will be awarded permanent alimony because she doesn't want to work. She may be awarded temporary alimony. But Georgia courts typically factor in whether one spouses behavior led to the divorce, adultery obviously being a factor, whether alimony is appropriate so you have that as a wild card. 
The house will likely be sold and the excess over the payoff, split between you.
Two additional things. One you really have only her word that she's had only three affairs or the number of times she entertained these guys. Two, most likely she's going to continue seeking outside interest. She has an appetite you ain't going to be able to satisfy my man.
One other thing. The above is for information only and should not be construed as legal advice. Seek competent legal counsel.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

gmsisko1 said:


> Okay,
> Let me clear a couple things up.
> The first affair started in about spring of 2012.
> (I'm told they only had sex once)
> ...


 With that kind of reasoning, you better hold on real tight because the ride is going to get even bumpier.


How many time does she have to cheat on you for you to say enough, your gone.

How do you know that they never used your bed. She tell you that? She also tell you that it was only once? You believe her after what she did?

OK. Maybe they didn't use your bed (yeah right) but she used your house and while she's doing her thing with this guy, YOU KID IS STILL UNDER THE SAME ROOF IN ANOTHER ROOM!

If you want to keep defending her and her pitiful behavior and lack of respect, go ahead because your in for a whole lot more.

Time for you to wake up friend and read the writing on the wall. In your home your kid has two parents. One is pathetic and the other can't see the forest from the trees. 

How about one of you start looking at the kid. One of you needs to be the strong parent who the kid can rely on and be there for the child. So far, she's failed miserably so that leaves you. So how about it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Who told you that they only had sex once? Your beloved wife? That's simply "trickle-truthing" for "I banged his ever-loving lights out! It's much like her saying "we only kissed!" In any event, I feel that she's been a rather busy lil' girl, and giving no regard to the presence of your child whenever she's busy spreading those legs of hers just a room or two away from where your son is either playing or sleeping!

Run and don't walk to a good piranha family law attorney and start the process of ridding yourself and your child from this scourge! You paid for her education and she rewards you by doing this? She is an unfit wife and an unfit mother of the absolutely worst proportions! You can do far better!*


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

gmsisko1 said:


> The third guy I believe started in October 2012 and continued until May of 2014...... 13 days ago)
> I just found out about the affairs 13 days ago.
> 
> I love my wife, even in the midst of all this.
> As best I can tell, she has repented, and I see a huge difference in her.


A huge difference ever since, what, a couple of weeks ago? You won't be able know if she has truly repented until much more time has passed. She has lots of work to do in order to show real repentance/remorse.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

gmsisko1 said:


> I am told she only had sexy once with 2 of them, the third one I am told she had sex multiple times. (I am told)


And your point is....


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Forest said:


> Reconciling with her sounds like a bridge too far, for sure. Allowing this stuff to go on is disgusting, and an indication of poor character beyond what is normally reported around here.
> 
> *She sounds absolutely destructive, *and without any obvious redeeming qualities. She's shown who she'll protect, and its not you, your son, or your marriage.


Hookups with random people off of a web site is the ultimate in reckless behavior.

Regarding "forgiving".... anyone a fan of Mad Men. I was watching the season premier last night in which Roger Sterling's estranged daughter invites him to brunch to make up / clear the air / whatever......

Apparently she had just recently found religion and told her father "she forgave him" to which Roger said "And I forgive you too"..... that really irked the sh!t out of her.

OP, in this game then, are you ready for her "to forgive you".... that is for whatever you did that "drove her" to committing adultery several times?


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

get tested.... and if you decide to R. use a rubber


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

gmsisko1 said:


> Okay,
> Let me clear a couple things up.
> The first affair started in about spring of 2012.
> (I'm told they only had sex once)
> ...


Are you sure he wasn't telling you to divorce? Not berating here but that's your heart talking not the lord.

Reconcile because you want to not because "you believe the lord is telling you"


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Thing is apart from the sex, meeting multiple men on craigs list, the risk of disease. She brought a man into your house who assaulted your wife, is that right? Did you get her to file charges for assault?

A man who lays his hands on women habitually is a danger period, not just to your wife but your kids. The fact that your wife can bring another man into the house and screw him with you son next door listening to everything knowing it's not daddy in there with mommy...man oh man


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

BobSimmons said:


> Thing is apart from the sex, meeting multiple men on craigs list, the risk of disease. She brought a man into your house who assaulted your wife, is that right? Did you get her to file charges for assault?
> 
> A man who lays his hands on women habitually is a danger period, not just to your wife but your kids. *The fact that your wife can bring another man into the house and screw him with you son next door listening to everything knowing it's not daddy in there with mommy...man oh man*


I can't see how the Lord is able "to forgive" that, atleast without some kind of consequences.... or punishment, if you want to use stronger language.

I also want to mention that this kind of behavior is so out of my sphere of comprehension....... I would not even want to have friends who do that kind of thing.


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

Philat said:


> A huge difference ever since, what, a couple of weeks ago? You won't be able know if she has truly repented until much more time has passed. She has lots of work to do in order to show real repentance/remorse.



True. Thank you


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

jack.c said:


> get tested.... and if you decide to R. use a rubber



Too late for the rubber, I have been with her so many times during the time frame of her extra carricular activities. 

I can tell you we told OM's wife, and she has been tested negative on everything. (I am told by Om's wife)


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

Nexttimearound,

I understand completely what you are saying. 
In Jewiish law, these people would be stoned. 
However,

Jesus came to Earth and lived a sinless life, he was the nailed to the cross as God's sacrificial lamb, to take on all the sins of man kind. Three days later he rose from the dead. 

God is apart from sin, He can't even look at sin. So he sent his own Son to take care of it. 
It covers all sin, murder, adultry, exc. (as long as there is true repentance)
That is how God can forgive. 
Some will call me weak, or dumb, so be it.


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

BobSimmons said:


> Thing is apart from the sex, meeting multiple men on craigs list, the risk of disease. She brought a man into your house who assaulted your wife, is that right? Did you get her to file charges for assault?
> 
> A man who lays his hands on women habitually is a danger period, not just to your wife but your kids. The fact that your wife can bring another man into the house and screw him with you son next door listening to everything knowing it's not daddy in there with mommy...man oh man


You are correct on all counts, except, my son was 3 and early 4 years old during this. (I am told he was asleep) (so I am told)


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

gmsisko1 said:


> You are correct on all counts, except, my son was 3 and early 4 years old during this. (I am told he was asleep) (so I am told)


He could have been so terrified that he pretended to be asleep. And your wife was satisfied with that. Children can sense that something is wrong but can also doubt themselves to the point in which they will do nothing about it.

I remember my adult relatives used to tease me about being fat when I was a child I didn't like it. My sister went to bat for me. And grandfather asked me about it. Now when I think about it, he asked me about it. How would he have liked it if someone had teased him about something that he was sensitive about. He actually had to ask me ....on the off chance that a young girl might actually like being called fat. I thought it was like tattle telling and I am told him that it was ok. Thats the way some children handle conflict among family members.

Had your 3 year old mentioned something about a man being in the house when you were away, how would you have handled it? As if he had an active imagination?


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

Nexttime,

If my son mentioned something about a man being in the house, I would have questioned him further as best I could. 

Perhaps I would try to get a professional to help. 
What 
I would like to get some more truth about the possibility of orgies, and other horrible acts. I don't think that happened, but I would like to know for sure.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

gmsisko1 said:


> Nexttimearound,
> 
> I understand completely what you are saying.
> In Jewiish law, these people would be stoned.
> ...


A man of conviction is never weak.

Despite whatever some of the talk show hosts preach these days, you are following in the footsteps of many other very wise men.


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## gmsisko1 (May 25, 2014)

Thank you Forrest.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> gmsisko1 has stated that he wants to try for reconciliation. My take on it is that if that's his choice (and he has every right to make such a choice), then supporting him in reconciliation is what we should be doing.
> 
> Sure he needs to know his right in divorce and realize other potential paths. But instead of support for his decision he's getting a choir of men telling him that the only way he can really be a man is to dump his wife and not reconcile.
> 
> There is a lot of help that we could be giving him other than telling him that he has to divorce her.


Be that as it may but has anyone given him the likely out come of reconciling with a serial cheater.

This isn't a normal case of a wife being seduced be the nest door neighbor. This is a case of a serial cheater trolling the web for sex partners and bringing violent men into her home repeatedly while her children are there. 

If anyone has an example of someone like this getting well I haven't seen one.

Your wife is psychologically broken. The consensus is that serial cheaters cant be fixed. First, google serial cheaters and go from there. You are lucky you are in GA. And do not dare to say what a good mother she is.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

You can ask anyone here. I am stubbornly hardheaded Christian, but as you already know infidelity is a reason for divorce. I have put up with a lot over the past 12 years, but if there was an affair I would have divorced without ever feeling guilty. You can forgive her, but you're not required to stay married. You have to do what's best for you. I will be praying for ya.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

gmsisko1 said:


> Nexttimearound,
> 
> I understand completely what you are saying.
> In Jewiish law, these people would be stoned.
> ...


I am a Christian man as well so I can appreciate your perspective but I think a bit differently than you. Remember that there is a difference between Forgiveness and Consequences. If you rob a Convenience Store, you can be forgiven but you are still going to jail.

God will always forgive if we ask. That is true, but there will also always be consequences for sinful behavior. I think that's the part of the equation that many Christians overlook.

Scripture says you should not divorce except in cases of infidelity so if you wanted to divorce her, you could. If you don't want to divorce, you should at least separate from her for a while. She needs to feel some pain and also needs to prove to you that she wants to stay married to you and be a part of the family. Without consequence, there is no incentive to stop the behavior, which is why God designed it to work the way that it does.

Personally, I would divorce her and start the reconciliation process after that if she's interested and proven herself a worthy and trusting spouse again. She may not, in which case you shouldn't be wasting your time on her. So, divorce and if she is truly repentant, you can begin dating her again and remarry her if she's really changed as a person.

Not only does she need to experience consequences for her behavior but you need, or at least I would, to see some evidence and proof that she wants to stay married to you and isn't going to be looking for other guys on Craig's List like she's shopping for food at the grocery store.


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## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> Be that as it may but has anyone given him the likely out come of reconciling with a serial cheater.
> 
> This isn't a normal case of a wife being seduced be the nest door neighbor. This is a case of a serial cheater trolling the web for sex partners and bringing violent men into her home repeatedly while her children are there.
> 
> ...



This is a good question. Unless there is some sort of substance abuse going on, drinking or pain pills and the like, then there would be no explanation for her outlandish behavior aside from she's a truly broken person.

If she's chemically dependent in some way, that could at least alter your personality enough to offer a plausible explanation but absent that, how does one explain her recklessness.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

I want to change my original post.

it should now read.....

FORGIVE, FORGET AND REMEMBER YOUR LOGIN AS THIS WILL COME BACK AT YOU.

3 x PA :scratchhead:

You seriously wanna R?

and who keeps telling you this stuff?


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

gmsisko1 said:


> Nexttimearound,
> 
> I understand completely what you are saying.
> In Jewish law, these people would be stoned.
> ...


gmsisko1, I apologize. When you originally asked "What to expect," I incorrectly assumed that, what with your wife having had sex with 3 other men while married to you, that you wanted to know what to expect in the divorce process.

You know what they say about "assuming."

Now that you have clarified that you're the kind of guy who believes in God so much that you refuse to use the mind God gave you, I am forced to revise my answer.

First of all, as someone else cleverly stated, you should expect a 4th affair. Honestly, it's probably already happened with this really bad choice of woman you fell in love with. So perhaps a better statement is

"expect MORE affairs."

I am sure that your faith will allow you to excuse and forgive your wife for her sins, but if you still have trouble, I'm told that there are some really good sites out there for cuckolds. 

You will want to get tested for STDs every few months, which is pretty uncomfortable for guys. I know you forgive and trust your wife that she'll never, ever practice yoga with another guy and have her ankles up near her ears. But you do have a child, and at least one parent should stay disease-free and healthy to take care of him. Since you can only be certain that one of you is acting married, you need to get the periodic STD checks.

I would also schedule some time to talk to your pastor. It may be that one day your son tells you about some strange men (plural, not a typo) that Mommy had over while you were out. The pastor can help you nail down the proper language to explain how Mommy is unwell and needs help.

Some people use faith as a weapon, to attack their enemies. 

Some people use faith as a suit of armor, to protect them from harm.

Some people use faith as a shield, and hide behind it from things they lack the courage to face.

You're in for a long and painful marriage.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

gmsisko1 said:


> Nexttimearound,
> 
> I understand completely what you are saying.
> In Jewiish law, these people would be stoned.
> ...


You are NOT God or Christ Jesus. You are just a man cherry picking from the Word to justify your rug sweeping. Jesus hated divorce but recognized that it is justified by adultery. You should know this. Don't think you're the first to ever use the word to justify the serial adultery. I've seen it many times over the years in this forum. You'll be back to square one sooner than you think. She'll play it safe for a while, but revert to her ways because you let her. Meanwhile, your resentment is going to grow and grow and eat you up inside.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"Sure he needs to know his right in divorce and realize other potential paths. But instead of support for his decision he's getting a choir of men telling him that the only way he can really be a man is to dump his wife and not reconcile.

There is a lot of help that we could be giving him other than telling him that he has to divorce her."

EleGirl,

I think you misunderstood the point I was making in my posts.

I am not criticizing his choice to try and save his M exactly.

I cited my families past as a warning because I think he is rugsweeping big time, and using faith to avoid doing the hard work necessary to truly give his M a chance.

This is a SERIAL cheating WW...there is no way in h**l that sweeping this under the rug will allow him to save his M and avoid her cheating again in the future.

With this in mind, I don't think trying to simply talk him through moving past this with encouraging words and emotional support is really doing him any favors.

He does not have to listen, and has the right to do as he wants regardless.

But that doesn't mean the TAM members who feel he is making terrible mistakes shouldn't point this out.

But I wholeheartedly agree with you that it should be done without insulting his manhood.


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## HubbyDaddy2013 (Jul 2, 2013)

Dude....She has had 3 other penises inside of her. She probably gave all 3 of these men oral as well. When was the last time she gave you oral? 

She betrayed you...not just one time...3 times, and one of the times was on going for months. She has a very low interest level in you. She is Selfish, and doesn't care about you. She is not trust worthy. She broke your wedding vows 3 times, and only has temporarily stopped because you caught her. 

She is not a Christian. She is a poor mother. She is a lazy person who refused to get a job. You have 1 4 year old kid. There is no need to be a stay at home mother with 1 kid in the house (Unless you are bringing home 100K+ a year, and want this for her). 

You don't want to go through the divorce because of the thought of paying her child support. 

What you need to do is get parents and close family involved. Shame Her! Make her stand on the side of the highway with a side that says "I cheated on my husband 3 times with other Men, and this is my punishment" 

...If she isn't willing to do that to save your marriage...then time for a divorce! 

To be honest...She is passed the thresh hold for reconciliation. She cheated on you 3 times. If it were me, Divorce would be certain, and a lawyer would already be drawing the papers up. 

She destroyed your marriage, and she is also damaged goods. Why do you want to be with a selfish, lazy, evil, damaged goods lady who doesn't love you any more?


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If you forgive, you will re-live.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

She's a lost cause but you kid isn't and needs someone to be there so how about thinking about his needs and stop thinking about yours and hers. 

Honestly it pisses me off that the most important person in this screwed up marriage is the last one to be looked out for. Nothing should be as important as having your kid away from this type of toxic situation and for some reason, you choose to let it continue. It's sad and it's time for you to get some back bone and get yourself and you kid out of this mess before it gets worse.


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## bigfoot (Jan 22, 2014)

GM, here is some information, not advice, but information. I know religion like you would not believe. You are hiding behind selected portions because you don't want to make an unpleasant decision. I get that. Jesus said you could divorce for infidelity. It's in the red letter portion. (those that know bibles will get that joke) Forgiveness and divorce are not opposites. Divorce is not a punishment, it is a result. You can love her, forgive her, and divorce her at the same time. So please stop with that line of religious rug sweeping. (okay, that last part was advice)

Next, I think that you should continue on your chosen path. So many men before you, with similar situations, have embarked on this quest. Your wife is different, just like theirs were. Your love is different, just like theirs was. You believe God spoke to you, just like many of them did. It is the path that many must walk. IT is the school of hard knocks.

When, not if, but WHEN, the inevitable realization that she is not different, that you are not different, and that YOUR "solution" is a failure, you, just like those before you will be hurt. You will be shocked. You will be utterly devastated. Then, you will follow the good advice on how to handle this situation. I'm not talking about the divorce her and never look back crowd. I'm talking the 180, detach, file for divorce but you can always dismiss it before it is final crowd, IC, MC, rules, transparency no bull sh!t crowd. If that fails, finalized divorce and move on and don't look back. (Lot's wife reference)

A finalized divorce may be in your future, but first, you need to finish up the school of hard knocks that you have enrolled in, despite warnings not to go. Good luck to you, we WILL see you upon graduation so that you can enroll in the "School of how deal with this shi!t effectively".


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

needs to be a sticky lol


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

For full disclosure, I'm not a religious person. But whenever I read a story like this, where a BS won't divorce a serial cheater due to their Christian Faith; I'm reminded of a short parable another poster once presented - and I'm paraphrasing.


_A man is standing on top of his roof due to a terrible flood. The water is getting higher. Another couple comes by in a boat to offer to rescue him. The man refuses and says - don't worry, God will take care of me.

Then a another boat comes by. After that, a helicopter. Each time the man refuses rescue and repeats - don't worry, God will take care of me.

The man parishes in the flood. When he ascends to heaven, he asks God why He didn't save his life. God replies - I tried to - three times._

I guess my point is; It's one thing to have Faith, quite another to ignore common sense in the process.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

gmsisko1 said:


> If I were to divorce, (the state of Georgia) what could I expect?
> (Our debt is a total of about 40k including the house which is easily worth over 100k)
> 
> Would she take half and get half custody of our boy?
> ...


Not sure about your state specific laws but generally speaking if the husband is the sole financial provider, the wife gets primary custody, possession of the house, child and spousal support.

It was suggested by another poster that if you can prove infidelity you might do better at settlement or in court however those types of things are difficult and expensive (in terms of investigative and legal fees) and just might not be worth it especially given the uncertainty of what you can or cannot prove in court.

As far as the child being in the other room, her getting beaten up by one of the guys.. that's not going to do much for you either. Expect her to deny everything anyway. Even if you have some messages, a good attorney is going to pick them apart in any way possible.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

I am not one to tell you that you have to divorce. There is a lot more to your story then the few paragraphs that you have told us. So it is up to you to filter the advice and apply it your situation. Here are a couple of things that I want you to consider.

1. I too believe in forgiving as holding the hate in you will eat you up over time. However, there is nothing in the Bible that correlates forgiveness with divorce. So you can forgive her for doing you wrong and yet still legally divorce her. 

2. The entire premise of forgiveness is tempered with the individual being sorry for the sin they have committed. There is nothing to forgive if the person is not sorry for what they have done, then there is nothing to forgive.

3. I would ask, what has she done to show remorse? Has she given you her passwords to all media and devices? Has she offered marriage counseling? How about a post nuptial agreement that is friendly to you? She obviously has way too much time on her hands. If you take her back, how are things going to be different. 

Answering these questions would go a long way in you making a good decision. I would still see an attorney, you don't have to file, but need to know your legal rights. Also get checked out medically, don't take somebody else's word, your health is way to important. The OMW may have been to embarrassed to actually get checked, better safe than sorry. 

Wayward spouses are notorious for telling half truths, lying by omission or just straight out lying. Don't take what she tells you as the truth. It is better to take the Ronald Reagan approach, trust but verify.


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