# Goodbye



## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

LordMayhem said:


> What do you do? You pick yourself up off the ground and dust yourself off. That's what you do. You will recover. You will be better. It hurts. All of us in the forum have been through this and survived. You will too.


My friend, and the person I admire most in this forum, said this to me over two years ago. 

I see less and less reasons for me to be here as time goes by. The fire and brimstone clan has enough members without me, most of whom are more charming and tactful than myself. I got banned a couple weeks ago for a reason the mods have yet to disclose ("derailing a thread" is pretty vague, guys), and above all I suppose you all know how I feel about pretty much all things matrimony. 

I'm engaged. To a beautiful woman who loves me. There was a time when I seriously thought I would never be with anyone again, just some guy who ****s random college girls until I'm too old or too lazy. I thought I could never trust again. Love again.

I was only half right. You can never truly trust the wayward. I know many of you will be so upset, but the reason you are upset is because you know it's true. I'm not saying you can't be happy with the wayward. I'm saying no matter what, you will always wonder in the back of your mind what they're really doing. 

Distrust. Doubt. Fear. These negate the purpose of a relationship in my opinion. People say to leave and move on is the easy way out. I very much beg to differ. The tendency is to lean towards familiarity. Comfort. Even if the familiarity is horrible. People usually won't jump unless the fire gets hot enough. Moving on and moving to a new area was the most frightening, sobering, humiliating and beautiful thing of my entire life. I have truly been reborn. Colors are brighter, bacon is chewier, love is stronger. I love my fiancee in a way I can't describe. It's nothing like my last life, which is good in an incommensurable way. 

If you face the fear. If you face the unknown, there is nothing left to fear. I am not afraid anymore. With that, I leave some select people my words:

*Lordmayhem*: Jesus Christ am I glad you exist. I pray one day I can meet you and buy you some stout. It's too bad there aren't more real men like you around in this country. Most of our issues would be resolved. "Thank you" is such a woefully inadequate utterance. I owe you so much man. From the bottom of my heart- thanks.

*Machiavelli*: I should just copy and paste what I said to LM. You have been key in helping me understand that being a ***** beta is not going to win anything except a beat-off blister. I hope you come back brother. This forum needs you.

*MattMatt*: You probably don't believe me but I don't hate you. I really do care about you. But women will continue to cheat on you because you're too nice man. Unleash your inner ********* once in a while. It's okay for you to have a crunchy shell, brother. You still have the gooey inside. 

*Pidge70*: Give thanks to God, because whatever punishment He exacts from you in this life is far less than what you have incurred. 

*Warlock07*: For a while I thought you and Mach were the same person. That's not an indictment. It means you're a badass. Sometimes I post something really offensive, and then you'll be able to say the same thing in a more concise and diplomatic manner. There were many times when an OP would say something that would make me pull my hair out, but you never lose your cool. I don't know all the details of your story or your life, but I know that you are a good man. 

*Kasler*: Praise the Sun, brother. I miss you. Haven't seen you in a while. I pray you're alright. Thank you.

*EleGirl*: I suppose it's highly ironic and inappropriate to say this here, but I wager if I were ever going to have an affair it would be with you, or someone like you. You're remarkably cool-headed and just extremely feminine in the way you write and interact with everyone. I can feel your charms across cyberspace. 

*F-102*: Don't leave us. We won't leave you. God bless you.

*JCD*: In my mind you really are a snarling badger. Trust me, that's a compliment. Take care buddy.

*Jonesey*: Everyone needs a rage buddy. It was always reassuring to, upon totally losing it, look over and see that I wasn't alone. You hate injustice. That makes you my friend.


Best of luck to you all. And as for me? 

Well... you know...

















































_It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything._


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## verpin zal (Feb 23, 2013)

Drinks are on me!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Thanks! That's so cool!:smthumbup:


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I have to admit that I'm hurt. I thought that I was one of the WS's who you loved to hate??? Now, I see that I haven't even rated honorable mention.  

It looks like you have, in fact, recovered, and quite nicely by the looks of your beautiful fiancée. I don't think you and I were ever fans of one another. But, there is one thing that I have been wanting to say to you.. And, since this is my last opportunity, I'll tell you now. Several months ago you started a thread about an old girlfriend, who is married, with children. She was unhappy in her marriage and she seemed pretty determined to "get to you." She even contacted your mother and wanted to come visit with you and your family. 

As soon as I read your first couple of posts about her, I immediately thought to myself, "He's gonna fold like a card table." And, you know, one might think that with me having been a former WS, that I might have gotten some perverse satisfaction out of that, because of your status as a proud TAM hardliner. But, the truth is, as convinced as I was that you were gonna break, I wasn't getting any satisfaction out of it, at all. I didn't want you to break. Because, I knew that in the end, it would have only left you more broken, confused, and ashamed. 

So, I just wanted to tell you, FWIW, coming from an adultery stained, former WS, that I was really proud of you and the way that you handled that situation. I smiled from ear to ear when I read that you told her that absolutely nothing was going to happen between the two of you. I was so happy that you talked to your fiancée about it, your mother and TAM. You did everything right in that situation. 

With all of that having been said, I still have no intentions of surrendering myself to the proper WS punishment authorities for a public stoning, hanging, firing squad, tar and feathering, or any other equally distasteful "punishment." Because the truth is, B1 and I are simply enjoying our reconciliation too much for me to give it up. 

Good luck and be happy. You have a very beautiful lady and you look extremely happy! I'm happy for you.

Take care,
~EI


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Awesome pics, bro!

And, to quote Eeyore: "Thanks for noticing me."


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

The image(s) are what a lot of us BS here at TAM imagine could of been. Almost but not. Good luck Van.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I'm glad you picked yourself up off the ground and moving forward with your life. Thats truly awesome.

For those who are still in those dark days just after D-Day: There is light at the end of the tunnel even if you don't see it just yet. My friend Vanguard is a great example. Healing does come slowly, and you will stumble, and sometimes fall. But you can always get back up again. 

We all know in the beginning the pain seems too much to bear, and it seems the easiest thing to do is rug sweep and accept your lot in life. Whether you R or D, you will survive. Many become stronger, better persons. Yes, you may be scarred and/or damaged, but you learn from the experience. You learn that you don't have to be someone's back up plan. You can better yourself, and if you choose to D, you can find someone better. If you choose to R, you learn that you to forgive and trust eventually...provided your WS is busting their ass to rebuild that trust they so callously destroyed.

Thats what coping with infidelity is all about: coping with it. Not R or D. For some, D is the right path for them For others, R is the right path. 
Good luck Vanguard! May the wind be always at your back!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> I'm glad you picked yourself up off the ground and moving forward with your life. Thats truly awesome.
> 
> For those who are still in those dark days just after D-Day: There is light at the end of the tunnel even if you don't see it just yet. My friend Vanguard is a great example. Healing does come slowly, and you will stumble, and sometimes fall. But you can always get back up again.
> 
> ...


Well said my man.:iagree::iagree:


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

only tagging to show that recovery IS possible. Leave the pics so I can refer this thread and say that dude did it and his fiance not only loves him...

Ill be careful and say she is aesthetically pleasing.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Well, the _vanguard_ does lead the advance toward the objective. Looks like you've already secured it. Well done.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

I followed your trials and tribulations.

It's hard but well done you - you made 'good' but painful choices even if a large part of the control - her just up and disappearing' - was taken away from you

In retrospect it probably helped you get past it all - her just going.
That was an interesting point about your situation

Most of us have to contend with a year and a half of aftermath kids and the rest of the sh!t that will throw at us as very the reason for your destruction goes about their daily life alongside you as if nothing has happened - they just "made a a mistake" !! and then you contend with the torture of trickle truthing blameshifting etc etc thankfully you didn't have to deal with all that sh!te. By the way none of that diminishes the mental anguish / torture that the cheat inflicts upon you 

Your story shows that actually when a cheat is forcibly taken out of the equation in terms of nil reconciliation the betrayed will undoubtedly heal much quicker - lets face it you have no choice but to !

But you did it here's an early xmas glass to you and your new life 
Cheers Vanguard!


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Its nice to read a happy story on here. Good luck with your new relationship. You can tell in the pictures that she loves you. 

I never saw any of your postings, but I'm glad that in the end you turned out happy.

Best wishes!


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Where were the pics taken? Looks familiar yet... I lived in FL in the past.


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