# trapped in a sexless marriage



## magixz64 (Jan 18, 2011)

I have been married since I was 15, thats now 30 yrs! Our sex lives were pretty good, but in the last 7 years it has turned into a nightmare. It started by him rejecting me, "Im tired, Im stressed, I have to get up early". We had sex maybe once every 4 months, then when I approached him about it, he said I was pressuring him, so I told him I will wait for him to initiate sex. That was the biggest mistake! now we are down to once every 9 months(and thats only because I ask, and it usually turns into a big argument) He then promises how "this time it will be different" only to go back to the same thing. I'm so frustrated!!! I have asked him if he wants to see a dr in case it low T, but he says its not medical. Everything else in our life is great but having to lie next to someone you love every nite and know you can't reach out and touch them is unbearable. I feel like I've been thrown away...


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

There seems to be alot of husbands complaining about sexless marriages (including me) and alot of wives complaining also. Maybe we should all get together....could be fun!!
Of course I am joking and only trying to make afew people smile! Being in a sexless marriage is not very pleasant...there are spouses who are prepared to talk about the problem and try to resolve it..there are some where as soon as you mention the subject the shutters come down. 
If one partner has a sex 'problem' then because you are a partner it becomes a joint problem that both need to address.
If only it were that easy....


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Can he get a full erection & complete the intercourse?

What I suspect is your husband tried to ignore his own sexual needs because he knows himself having an erectile dysfucntion but he doesn't want to admit because it hurts his manhood ego.

He would try to find excuses not to have sex & he would watch porn to check if he can still handle his manhood issue by himself.

He must go to see the doctor. 

A man with healthy testosterone level MUST have sex reguarly or they will get mad with their wives.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

A more serious response this time...
A man with healthy testosterone levels must have sex (ejaculate) regularly otherwise he will be prone to prostate infections (or worse)...not just get mad with his wife!


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Once in 9 months ! If it is Test related (very low levels), he would be dragging, falling asleep after work, his mind would get "foggy", he would be loosing interest in his hobbies as well, possible depression. 

If on the other hand, his energy is adequate, I would suspect he is off masterbating to porn. Possibilty? 

If he refuses to get help, or care for your needs as his wife, you need to decide what you can live with in a marraige. Many can not bear a Sex-less marraige.


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## magixz64 (Jan 18, 2011)

He can attain and maitain an erection, and its a pretty strong hard one. Its just like he is not interested in sex with me, I guess. I think he feels guilty about his feelings, he does crazy things to please me. I have a feeling he just doesn't want to admit that he has lost his attraction to me.

I have pleaded with him to go see a doctor because I suspect low T, but he gets deffensive about it. I just don't know what to do its very frustrating, and I feel I am about to walk out the door, he caught me looking for an apartment and he freaked out and asked me to stay and promised things would change, but here we are in the same situation.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

jezza said:


> A more serious response this time...
> A man with healthy testosterone levels must have sex (ejaculate) regularly otherwise he will be prone to prostate infections (or worse)...not just get mad with his wife!


jezza speaks the truth. I am 32 years old and have not had sex with my wife in over a year. We have done other things to help me out...but she even refuses to perform oral now. 

Let me tell you masterbating gets old fast, so what happened? That's right...prostate infections at my age! I was so embarassed at the dr's office when they asked about my sex life and i had to be honest and say "I don't have sex". 

Anyways, no intent to hijack, just wanted to say you're not alone and I hope your husband wakes the hell up before you find a man that will happily perform.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Unfortunately you're now the member of a club that none on us, in the same situation, want to be in.

I've been trying and banging my head against the wall to get the true and right answers as to why the heck mine went to hell in a handbasket (of course there are some med issues in my case also).

If you would have asked me 10 years ago if I ever thought I would be in this situation (we were like rabbits for years), I would have said, are you kidding? I didn't know this was an issue for women also until it happened to me and I found TAM.

Unfortunately its more common than I ever realized and extremely sad. We all only have one life to live and there are no do-overs.

I'm staying the course for now, but who knows how long that will last - but I'm a stubborn gal and won't go down without a fight!


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Sinnister - yup...very humiliating having to admit you arent having sex...as the doc tells you to lie on your side and go into the fetal position....then says 'you might feel as if you want to pee, but you won't, don't worry'...you and many others will know what I mean!

During their 'fertile period' (no pun intended!) nature automatically cleans out a womans womb once a month. Up until we men were about 20-25 nature did it for us too - wet dreams. When nature leaves us to our own devices, it still needs to be done probably once a week. Fact. 
So putting all emotions, marital problems etc aside we need to empty the system....just as we should all eat enough fruit and veg, so we must ejaculate!


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## magixz64 (Jan 18, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> Unfortunately you're now the member of a club that none on us, in the same situation, want to be in.
> 
> I've been trying and banging my head against the wall to get the true and right answers as to why the heck mine went to hell in a handbasket (of course there are some med issues in my case also).
> 
> ...


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## magixz64 (Jan 18, 2011)

Marriedwifeinlove,

I don't want to be part of this club! but sadly I am. Time just flew by year after year, him promising this time it will be different, Its all been downhill since 2004, I kept blaming myself, maybe if I loose some weight, maybe if I dress more provocative, being supportive, being angry, asking him to see a doctor. All I get is silence.
To top it off, it seems that I have a hit my sexual peak, I seem to want it all the time, or maybe its an obsession now. I just feel so unwanted. it sucks! but like you I still hanging in there, I had meltdown this past weekend, it was brought on by a gyno visit, because i had some irritation down there, the doc told me it was due to excess wetness, she suggested I get a vibrator, EMBARRASING! I lied said I was separated. AGAIN he promised this is the year, everything will change bla, bla, bla,...


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## SueLew68 (Jan 23, 2011)

So - Can anyone tell me how to get my husband to admit that there is a problem & do something about it?

We are 42 & 45, have been together less than 10 years & haven't had sex in almost 2 yrs. Before that I was lucky to get it once every few months. He is healthy, on no medications. We have discussed the problem in the past (at my insistence) but it obviously isn't important to him since he has made no effort.

I could almost live without sex if there was other intimacy such as snuggling, holding hands or even just kissing. I'm tired of my love life being in my imagination.


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## magixz64 (Jan 18, 2011)

Finally had sex last night after 9.5 months, it was weird and ackward, I wanted to deny it but I had been so long that I wanted it, but in a weird way I didn't. He has been promising this time it will be different but I don't know of this is gonna be one of so many promises broken in the past... Time will tell I guess.. I did feel better, not because of the actual sex, but of the closeness, the touch... I feel a little better, but I did want to withhold it from him so he can see how I feel..


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