# Is it really me or is it him?



## kaylapooh (Feb 25, 2019)

I have been married to my husband for 5 months & I’m already ready to give up. My husband has kids & I don’t. We live in his hometown, 45 mins away from my hometown. We see his family and kids often. 1 month after we got married, we got in a DHR situation with one of his daughters mom. So we have his daughter and her brother with us & still going through the DHR pop ups and etc. 
it’s all so stressful but I love my husband so I’m dealing with it. 
I support him and the kids no matter what... we’ve spent these past holidays with his family. I make sure he’s happy and satisfied even when I’m sick. I make sure the house is straight, I put the kids on the bus and make sure I am here when they get home. It’s been all about him. But I am super close to my mom & sister. So my mom is putting together a little getaway, including my husband but I told him I wanted to go even if he can’t because I miss my mom & sister so much. But everything went sideways when I brought it up, he says I don’t care about our marriage but I can make plans with “OTHER PEOPLE”... mind you it’s my MOM & SISTER he’s referring to. 

He brings up us needing to work on arguing and other small things I never bring up when it comes to him and his kids or family. So I get upset and cry about it alone. So he tries to come make it better, we talk & everything is okay but after running errands, he brings it back up and he notices my cycle has started... he gets upset because I guess he’s thinking about sex so he goes on to tell me... I can’t do nothing for the marriage, can’t get pregnant or nothing... at this point I am crushed. He hurt my feeling so bad, I can’t sleep from crying. 

He also tells me I’m the reason why we argue and I’m negative I’m selfish and so much more. It’s all me but I’m confused when he asks “how are you going to fix things” ... 

I love him but I am tired already. I just need advice. Am I in the wrong for wanting to go spend time with my family even if he can’t join? Is there any ways I can avoid giving up already?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

He sees you as a live in housekeeper who provides sex. It’s time to disillusion him of this. 
He said you don’t do anything so don’t do anything. Let him get the kids ready for school,only do your own laundry and only cook for yourself,preferably during the time the kids are at school. So when he finishes work he can start cooking. 
A couple of days of this treatment will soon open his eyes to the real world. 
And under no circumstances do you miss your family’s trip. 
In fact maybe go visit your mother today for a couple of days.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> He sees you as a live in housekeeper who provides sex. It’s time to disillusion him of this.
> He said you don’t do anything so don’t do anything. Let him get the kids ready for school,only do your own laundry and only cook for yourself,preferably during the time the kids are at school. So when he finishes work he can start cooking.
> A couple of days of this treatment will soon open his eyes to the real world.
> And under no circumstances do you miss your family’s trip.
> In fact maybe go visit your mother today for a couple of days.


An alternate view for @kaylapooh

He may see you as a live in housekeeper who provides sex, but please remember that wanting sex after an argument is a thing. We used to call it "make-up sex" and it was known to be a good thing. Most couples will argue. Some will argue passionately. Arguments hurt feelings and can create distance. Sex releases hormones and chemicals that make us feel good and promote pair bonding. Your husband may have been hoping for sex so that he could feel emotionally close to you and reap the relaxation and stress relief sex provides. He didn't handle his feelings well if he was disappointed there wouldn't be make up sex, but being hurt and disappointed at a lost chance to bond is another possibility.

I'd consider halting household care a bit drastic. There are kids here. Suddenly stopping could be a really bad idea, especially with social services involved. However, I would certainly list all the things you do and make him aware of how much of the total burden you shoulder and what the consequences would be if you stopped. If he fails to get it, then maybe you could give him warning and let him do it all for himself and his kids for a bit. For example, if he doesn't start appreciating what you do for the family, you could say "Ok, since I do nothing I am going to stop doing ABC and XYZ starting Monday morning. You have X days to figure out how to handle ABC and XYZ yourself." Then stick to it. Never bluff in marriage. Never say you'll do something you aren't willing to do. It ruins your credibility. If you say you'll do something, do it. 

The first year of marriage is often thought of as the hardest. It's an adjustment, even if you lived together before marrying. Adding kids and social services involvement is additional stress and strain during an already bumpy time. You might want to think about counseling.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> An alternate view for @*kaylapooh*
> 
> He may see you as a live in housekeeper who provides sex, but please remember that wanting sex after an argument is a thing. We used to call it "make-up sex" and it was known to be a good thing. Most couples will argue. Some will argue passionately. Arguments hurt feelings and can create distance. Sex releases hormones and chemicals that make us feel good and promote pair bonding. Your husband may have been hoping for sex so that he could feel emotionally close to you and reap the relaxation and stress relief sex provides.


Yeah, I'm going to have to completely disagree with this. The guy is selfish and emotionally and verbally abusive. *Highly* doubtful he was looking to 'bond' with her. Sounds like the selfish ass-hole just wanted some sex from his housekeeper and nanny, and when she got her period and he realized he wasn't getting any, he couldn't degrade her ENOUGH about how worthless she is and how she can't even get pregnant. Getting emotionally close to the OP is about the last thing he wanted.

Look Kayla, *I agree 100% with Andy*. You're his live-in housekeeper, cook, nanny and sex partner. The rest of the time, he expects you to be *all about him* and HIS family and HIS needs and HIS kids while basically blowing off your own family and your own needs. He's selfish as hell, thinks only of himself and his family, and obviously doesn't give a **** about your feelings or your desire to see your OWN family. What does _that_ tell you about him?

Go see your mother. You don't need this ass-hole's permission. Let him hire a nanny for HIS kids while you're gone. I'm really sorry you were barely married a month when you were very unexpectedly thrown into the role of raising someone else's kids when that wasn't your plan. This jerk should be kissing your FEET that you haven't left after having this situation foisted on you through no choice of your own. Instead, the ungrateful jerk just expects more and more and more from you while he denigrates you and insults you. I'd be so gone.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It's him.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It's him. He sounds like he's on the bad end of the narcissist spectrum.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

OP, people will always jump to the quickest and most far reaching conclusions on a post like this.
Wow, narcissist? With just one small post? 
So did you think your marriage was going to be different from the way he was acting during dating?
You married a man with children. Maybe you weren't thinking about that at the time of the I DOs?
Why would a wife want to plan events without her husband? 
You guys need to get in MC if you can.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

How many kids does he have ?
What happened in those relationships?

No you are not wrong for wanting to spend time 
with your family, with or with out him. You need 
and deserve your own time to yourself. Maybe 
you should consider going to your family and staying 
there a while until you decide what you want to do.
Away from his influence and arguments. 

You have only been married for 5 months and ready to leave 
already. You should still be enjoying the honeymoon phase
of your marriage. Time alone and think about this carefully.
5 months can turn into 5 years quickly.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

What your husband is doing is gaslighting you. He is trying to convince you of a reality that is not reality. You do a lot, yet he tries to say you don't. You are to blame for all the problems, yet you are not. Playing with someone's head is evil IMO.

Go stay with your family for a week or more and let him handle everything with his kids during that time. Make sure you stay long enough for things like laundry and deep cleaning to have to be done....by him. If he doesn't change his tune, and pretends that doing everything by himself was a piece of cake, then it is indicative of what the rest of your life with him will be.

It seems he thinks he married a free nanny and housekeeper, not a cherished wife and life-long partner.

Sorry you married under false pretenses. Maybe you can get an annullment?


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

kaylapooh said:


> So he tries to come make it better, we talk & everything is okay but after running errands, he brings it back up and he notices my cycle has started... he gets upset because I guess he’s thinking about sex so he goes on to tell me... I can’t do nothing for the marriage, can’t get pregnant or nothing... at this point I am crushed.


This is especially grievous. Your "husband" isn't a husband at all. What is this, the 1800s? 

How did you two meet? 

It's not you. It's him. Go to your family's for a nice visit. It'll be interesting to see your husband's attitude upon your return and the condition of the house. This will be the time for him to sink or swim as a husband AND father. 

Lastly, DO NOT GET PREGNANT!!!!!


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## kaylapooh (Feb 25, 2019)

StillSearching said:


> OP, people will always jump to the quickest and most far reaching conclusions on a post like this.
> Wow, narcissist? With just one small post?
> So did you think your marriage was going to be different from the way he was acting during dating?
> You married a man with children. Maybe you weren't thinking about that at the time of the I DOs?
> ...


Him having kids has never been a problem. It’s just the way he goes about things when it comes to his side of the family. The kids are very respectful & love to be around me even during arguments with their father & etc. And they are very adored by me and taken care of. Only thing stressful about the situation involving the kids is the people doing the random pop ups and the disrespectful calls from the mother in rehab which the daughter even hates and rather not even communicate with her mother because of it. 
And I didn’t plan anything without him, my mother called and told me & asked could WE go... I went to my husband and he acted as if he wasn’t interested in what my family want to do together. He went to social media and made a post about it and everything WHICH OTHERS DISAGREED WITH WHAT HE WAS SAYING ALSO. so I let him know I wanted to go even if he can’t. But yes, I think MC may be what we need.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

StillSearching said:


> OP, people will always jump to the quickest and most far reaching conclusions on a post like this.
> Wow, narcissist? With just one small post?
> So did you think your marriage was going to be different from the way he was acting during dating?
> You married a man with children. Maybe you weren't thinking about that at the time of the I DOs?
> ...


Yes, indeed. Notice I said "spectrum".

How can you even be serious with this post. So a wife shouldn't want to see her family, that's "planning events without him"? Everything this couple does is with HIS family.

Yes, marriage counseling, hopefully so OP can hear some good ideas how to deal with her narcissistic traited husband.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

kaylapooh said:


> Him having kids has never been a problem. It’s just the way he goes about things when it comes to his side of the family. The kids are very respectful & love to be around me even during arguments with their father & etc. And they are very adored by me and taken care of. Only thing stressful about the situation involving the kids is the people doing the random pop ups and the disrespectful calls from the mother in rehab which the daughter even hates and rather not even communicate with her mother because of it.
> And I didn’t plan anything without him, my mother called and told me & asked could WE go... * I went to my husband and he acted as if he wasn’t interested in what my family want to do together. He went to social media and made a post about it and everything WHICH OTHERS DISAGREED WITH WHAT HE WAS SAYING ALSO*. so I let him know I wanted to go even if he can’t. But yes, I think MC may be what we need.


Sounds like something is missing to me?
Why would he go on social media and post about his wife asking him to go to her mothers?
Seems very odd, but maybe he's just an oddball? 
Yes, MC is what is needed.
Or medication....


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, your initial post seemed to indicate that your husband might have children from more than one prior relationship. So, how many kids does he have, and with how many women? Why did those earlier relationships end?


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## kaylapooh (Feb 25, 2019)

StillSearching said:


> kaylapooh said:
> 
> 
> > Him having kids has never been a problem. It’s just the way he goes about things when it comes to his side of the family. The kids are very respectful & love to be around me even during arguments with their father & etc. And they are very adored by me and taken care of. Only thing stressful about the situation involving the kids is the people doing the random pop ups and the disrespectful calls from the mother in rehab which the daughter even hates and rather not even communicate with her mother because of it.
> ...


Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

kaylapooh said:


> Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.


Would you say that he is isolating your from your family?


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## kaylapooh (Feb 25, 2019)

Rowan said:


> OP, your initial post seemed to indicate that your husband might have children from more than one prior relationship. So, how many kids does he have, and with how many women? Why did those earlier relationships end?


He has 3 kids that are really his. By 2 women. He was married to 1 for 6 years & they have 2 kids. & he have 1 other child with the other. BUT we have the daughter by one of the mothers AND her brother which is not his child. He just claim him as his. & from my understanding, the marriage ended because he didn’t trust her & he say she only married him to make the other woman mad. & the other relationship ended because she was on drugs. She’s currently in rehab now, 10 years later which is why we have her kids with us.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

kaylapooh said:


> Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.


This is classic abusive behavior and it isn’t going to get any better. 
He is slowly but very deliberately isolating you from your family.Him intimating that you and the children needed protection from your male family members is another way of keeping you to himself.
He will always have a list of reasons why you can’t attend family functions and him passive aggressively posting on Facebook is just another symptom.
Has he ever gotten physically abusive to you or even threatened you.
Because he will,believe that if you don’t believe anything else.
You need to get out of this situation and until your husband accepts that he is an aggressive bully you should stay away.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

kaylapooh said:


> Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.


Protection? Did he take a firearm to a child's birthday party?? If he did, there is your red flag flapping you in the face! Who DOES that?? 

I have an ex that pulled a bait and switch on me too, his real personality was NOTHING like the man I fell in love with and married.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

StillSearching said:


> Sounds like something is missing to me?
> Why would he go on social media and post about his wife asking him to go to her mothers?
> Seems very odd, but maybe he's just an oddball?
> Yes, MC is what is needed.
> Or medication....


This is a very common ******* white trash thing to do. I cannot count the number of passive aggressive cryptic posts I see on my FB wall from my more...rural friends down here. Facebook is the new clothesline where they air their laundry. Except it's just vague enough it makes the rest of us wonder what the heck they are talking about. It sounds like Bubbah wanted to make a point on social media and then got his clock cleaned lol


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## kaylapooh (Feb 25, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> kaylapooh said:
> 
> 
> > Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.
> ...


That’s how I’m starting to feel, which is why I want to give up. And it seems as if he want me to pick him OR either my family which is not cool being that he knew how close me and my family were before marrying me.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

kaylapooh.

I am not being critical of you but it
sounds like your husbands life is a 
mess. Different kids, drugs and people
in rehab. You have only been married for
5 months and should not be feeling this 
way. As I posted earlier think about what 
you want. 5 months can turn into 5 years
real quick.


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## kaylapooh (Feb 25, 2019)

3Xnocharm said:


> kaylapooh said:
> 
> 
> > Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.
> ...


Yes he took the firearm into my nephews party which REALLY had me upset. We were in an arcade around other kids as well. I was ready to leave the marriage then but being that we had just got into a new home the month before, I didn’t know which way to go about things.


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## kaylapooh (Feb 25, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> kaylapooh said:
> 
> 
> > Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.
> ...


I truly believe the physical abuse will be next, & feel he’s just putting on until later just like he did before we got married. Another one of the reasons why I want to give up because I don’t want things to get any worse than it already is.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

To be honest, your husband sounds very manipulative. Sounds like it's his way or the highway, and that's just not right. Not to me anyways. I've been there more times than I care to admit, and it's not a fun place to be.


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## kaylapooh (Feb 25, 2019)

sa58 said:


> kaylapooh.
> 
> I am not being critical of you but it
> sounds like your husbands life is a
> ...


I agree, it’s definitely a mess. I feel as if the rehab situation with his daughters mother will also make our situation worse because she feels as if she can call his phone anytime even when it’s not her days to talk to her kids. She video chats randomly now that she has her own phone, which is NOT part of the plan with the kids. And if I answer or say anything, she tells the social worker that works with her case and the lady is very demanding towards us when it comes to her “client”... and he acts as if he can’t put a stop to these things.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

kaylapooh said:


> Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.


Then you got played. But this isn't his problem. It's YOUR problem. 

By that, I mean that he isn't going to change who he is. The only way you have a chance in this marriage is for YOU to get therapy - by yourself - and learn to start setting boundaries and consequences. You have completely given up your life to make his better, and he just takes it and expects more. 

YOUR job is to stop doing that. Start visiting your family no matter what he says. Always invite him but when (not if) he says no, you say "Ok, honey, I'll miss you. I'll be back by 7" and then GO. Start seeing your friends again, no matter what he says. I went through the exact same thing, gave up everything, and it's been hell getting back to 'having' rights in this marriage because he got his way for 35 years. Don't be me.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

kaylapooh said:


> I truly believe the physical abuse will be next, & feel he’s just putting on until later just like he did before we got married. Another one of the reasons why I want to give up because I don’t want things to get any worse than it already is.


Then you need to get out NOW. You should not be having these kinds of thoughts and feelings five months into the marriage! Your instincts are screaming at you, pay attention to them!


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Physical abuse, and things getting worse.
If you feel this is going to happen then do
as 3Xnocharm says. GET OUT NOW 

It also sounds like he may be trying to 
isolate you away from your family. Do they
know any thing that is going on ? 

GO home to your real family.
This guy isn't it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Openminded said:


> It's him.


:iagree:

But for added emphasis I would put it like this:- (Click on it and it's animated! )


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

He brought a gun to a birthday party? With children around??! Does he do drugs? What a weirdo paranoid thing to do.

Oh, honey. Tell you what. You take that visit to your family. And never go back. Seriously. Your husband sounds abusive and unstable.

Forget marriage counseling. Get yourself to a lawyer and get divorced!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

kaylapooh said:


> I truly believe the physical abuse will be next, & feel he’s just putting on until later just like he did before we got married. Another one of the reasons why I want to give up because I don’t want things to get any worse than it already is.


When you said he felt you and the kids needed protection whilst around your male family members I foolishly assumed you meant he accompanied you.
I didn’t think you meant he brought a gun to a kids games arcade!
His paranoia is increasing along with his aggressiveness and you need to leave this situation.
There may be some fancy medical names for his mental problems,bpd maybe but here’s an easier way to think of it. He is ****ing nuts and is getting worse and you need to be gone from him.
You were a victim of bait and switch through no fault of your own. 
If you stay it will be your own fault though.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You probably know this, but the very first step an abuser takes is to isolate you from your family and friends.

Go to your mother's thing. See if he escalates. Then you'll know.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I've changed my mind: the man isn't just manipulative, he's nuts. Get out now... Run, don't walk


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ursula said:


> I've changed my mind: the man isn't just manipulative, he's nuts. Get out now... Run, don't walk


Does he do steroids? Any other drugs legal or illegal that might make him act paranoid?

You need to be away from him.

I agree with @Ursula. He is a nutty as a baby squirrel's diapers!


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Are the male family members on your side of the family in a gang? The reason I ask this is because on the news I heard of a gang that retaliated against another gang at a child's birthday party and innocent children and party attendees were killed. 

If that is not the case with your male family members, what exactly is he afraid of? Are your male family members rapists or pedophiles or something? 

Those are the only two reasons I can think of that would cause someone to have to come to a family party with the intent of "protecting" their own children from family members.

I agree with the others that your husband is attempting to isolate you and erode your confidence. Get away from him.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Oh honey, you shouldn't be feeling these things only 5 months into your marriage. The fact that you are means something is very, very wrong.

He cracked it at you because you got your period?? He took a GUN to a child's birthday party?? Wtaf????? Isolating you from family and friends. You have fears that he could become violent.

Sweetie, RUN, don't walk to the nearest exit.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

kaylapooh said:


> Nothing’s missing. The whole social media thing confused me as well. He was basically saying why do I want to make plans with other people but not focused on our marriage, which I have been focused on us since we got marriage. I put everything to the side for this marriage. Haven’t seen my friends or anything. Missed family members funerals and etc. All we’ve done is took the kids to my nephew’s birthday party in December & he felt as if he needed to have protection to be around my family then because my nephews father & his friends were there but mind you, my family is the more chill, quiet ones. Unlike his, and I never disrespect him by saying I need protection to go around his different people. But I’m always the bad one as he says. I realized he’s just different AFTER we got married because these things weren’t shown before. Before we got married, he would sit around my mother & sister, play with my nephews, & NEVER had a problem with my family’s plans because he know how close I am to my mother & sister.


You filled in the missing part. Thank you.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

kaylapooh said:


> Missed family members funerals and etc.


*Why* do you allow this abusive POS to constantly isolate you from your family? You've actually disrespected your own family for this jerk?

You're so deep in the forest you can no longer see the trees, for God's sakes. THIS is how an abuser trains you to be completely compliant and dependent on him - ISOLATING YOU from your family!!!!

No wonder this POS doesn't feel 'safe' around the male members of your family! They know EXACTLY what he's all about - they have his number and it probably wouldn't take much provocation from him for them to tear his rotten worthless hide apart and feed it to the coyotes out back. And they'd be doing you SUCH a favor. But you're so blinded by 'love' that you have no clue what's happening to you.

What is it going to TAKE to open your eyes?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

kaylapooh said:


> That’s how I’m starting to feel, which is why I want to give up. And it seems as if he want me to pick him OR either my family which is not cool being that he knew how close me and my family were before marrying me.


 Do yourself ONE huge favor.

Give up on this abusive POS.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It's only been five months so you may be eligible for an annulment of the marriage. Your mom and sis will most likely support your decision.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

kaylapooh

I hope if you are reading this you are safely
with your family and away from nut job.
If not at least making plans to run not walk 
away. If he opens his mouth other than to 
put food in to it don't listen. He is manipulating 
you that way. He is trying to convince you that 
he isn't the problem. HE IS


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

kaylapooh said:


> He has 3 kids that are really his. By 2 women. He was married to 1 for 6 years & they have 2 kids. & he have 1 other child with the other. BUT we have the daughter by one of the mothers AND her brother which is not his child. He just claim him as his. & from my understanding, *the marriage ended because he didn’t trust her & he say she only married him to make the other woman mad*. & the other relationship ended because she was on drugs. She’s currently in rehab now, 10 years later which is why we have her kids with us.


So it sounds like he's cheated on partners in the past. Were you in a relationship with him while he was with another partner, as well? He has children with multiple women, one of whom is on drugs and lost her kids, leaving you to raise even the ones that aren't your husband's. You've got CPS making visits to your home. Your husband goes armed to a child's birthday party to protect you from your own family. He's also manipulative, verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, controlling, and is isolating you and treating you like a servant. Oh, and you're afraid he'll become violent. Is all of this common in the culture you were raised in? Because if not, I cannot imagine how you ended up with this guy. You surely knew enough about him before you married him that you could have seen at least some of this coming. 

Honey, in all kindness, this situation is a train wreck. You need to get out. Do NOT get pregnant. Get a divorce instead. Find a good therapist and work with them to figure out why you ever became involved with a guy whose life is this much of a dumpster fire to start with.


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