# Filed today



## laniegirl84 (Sep 3, 2013)

I officiallyfiled for divorce today. After months of my STBX dragging his feet, asking me to wait, or hold off, I realized that I was just going to have to do it. We have 60 days to figure out an agreement for settling. A couple of things:

1. He has never treated his income as anything but his, often referring to it as his money. He also paid all of the bills. I don't even have passwords. He would spend money for traveling to conferences on his c.c., and then when his work reimbursed, he just let the money sit in our joint checking account. I would be grocery shopping or spending time with our son, see that our account had several thousand dollars in it, and not worry about buying this organic chicken or that scoop of ice cream for our son. He would come back angry and tell me not to spend so much, but when I tried to sit down and make a budget, he refused to talk about it with me and said he didn't want to put me on a budget. Now his CC is $30,000, and he is saying that my spending is what led to such a high number. I admitted to buying something for $100 out of spite when he was refusing to talk about divorce, and he is now saying that I said I spent a lot of money and drove the credit card amount up.

2. I'm super poor on my own. I barely am above poverty markers. He wants to spend $1,100 on a mediator and says I have to pay half. I can't afford that. He knows that, but he is saying that I am not wanting to be fair in the division and he will get a lawyer if I don't agree. He also wants to fight the requirement that I get half of his retirement, but he still wants me to pay half the credit card and assume the full debt of my car loan. I know if I let him get a lawyer, I will be screwed, but I have no way to pay the mediator.
Is legal aid worht it at all?


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

He is crazy. Lawyer up.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So do you guys not have any assets right now? Equity in the house or anything?

Not sure what your options are, other than legal aid. If you can't afford the mediator, then you won't be able to afford a lawyer. That means either doing it yourself, getting legal aid, or borrowing money from family or something. I would take the legal aid option first, and get what help you can. But he's a bit of an idiot if he doesn't see that he'll spend a lot more himself than the $1100 that a mediator would cost; he's better off paying that alone than going down the court route. But financial common sense doesn't seem to be his strength...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Go to legal aid, contact you state bar and find out which attorneys in your area offer pro bono family law (lots do), find out which attorney give a free one-hour, pre-retainer meeting. After you've done that you will 1) have more information about your situation than you do now, and 2) have some idea if any of those legal avenues might work for you.

He's going to have a rude awakening when he discovers the concept of marital property.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

laniegirl84 said:


> Is legal aid worht it at all?


Legal aid is free. 

So when you ask "is it worth it", it's certainly worth at least what you've paid for it.


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

You are also entitled to ask that a lawyer be paid out of community property. Half the checking acct is yours. He can threaten all he wants but half is half for the most part. 

Mediation would be the best and cheapest alternative and again you can ask the court to have your half paid with community funds.


----------



## laniegirl84 (Sep 3, 2013)

Oh, I hadn't thought of the fees being paid out of community property. We have very very little. We don't own a home. We have no stocks. He has one car that is paid off and I have a car that I just bought last fall. The only thing of value is retirement, and I don't even know how much that is. (Five years of marriage/h2=?). 

I was trying to explain the assets vs. debt thing to him last night. I told him that having a car worth $8000, plus a retirement account worth $X, plus less than a year left on student loan payments with a salary three times what I make compared to me having a $16,000 car loan and less than a thousand in a retirement account and making barely above the poverty line makes it hard for me to believe that any court would transfer half of his credit card debt to me. If we are in a community property state, don't they look at all those numbers combined and divide it down the middle?

So, he comes back with 1) He paid my student loans when I was a SAHM, plus my room and board and food (yes, he went there). 2) the car debt is my fault because I was the one who wanted a car. 3) the money on the cc was used for "necessities". I said, "no, it was used for travel, and you didn't put it back on the card when it was reimbursed". He said that was because the reimbursement was used for necessities. It wasn't. He let it sit there until eventually it got spent. I'm not the best with money. Neither is he. If there is money in the checking account, it is eventually going to be spent because psychologically it makes you think you have more than you do. Am I wrong?

Anyway, it is getting ugly. Looks like we have to go the lawyer route after all. Not going to be fun. :-(


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

You could get hit with half the debt. You should consider getting a cheap used car and get out from that monthly payment. Other than that, you will probably get some spousal for a short time and half the retirement.


----------



## Gonna Make It (Dec 3, 2012)

Your a SAHM, is the car loan in your name only? Or is it in his or both of yours.


----------



## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Please get a consultation with an attorney.


----------



## laniegirl84 (Sep 3, 2013)

I'm not a SAHM. I was for two years. I work FT now. The car is in both names, but he doesn't want it.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

laniegirl84 said:


> I'm not a SAHM. I was for two years. I work FT now. The car is in both names, but he doesn't want it.


The typical premise is to add up the assets, subtract the liabilities, and divide the total in half. The reason why he may not want the car is because the loan is more than the car is worth. That would make his paid off car worth a lot more. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

You can look up the standard formula online.


----------

