# Catch an abuser....



## NotSoSureYet (Nov 10, 2011)

I'm not in this situation, but I was asked for my input. So I'm asking TAM chatters what they recommend.
Scenario:
Father of 3 is divorced and moved back home. It's known that the Grandpa and dad are drug heads. Apparently the dad is more now than ever (according to family friends). The home life there is very unstable with drinking, partying, drugs, fights, etc....
Mom of the 3 kids is worried about the well being of the kids when they are in dad's care - which is every other week according to the custody filings. She knows all the drug use is happening, but cannot prove anything to change the custody arrangement. 

She's afraid that if she calls DFS, it will be known that it's her and that the family will do WHATEVER it takes to destroy her relationship with the kids. 
Small town, well known family. Lion & the lamb type of a deal. 

Any suggestions for this?? 
Thanks TAM folks!! :scratchhead:


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

It's hard to say what might happen if she calls DFS. And you're right, process of elimination will more than likely tip them off that she called.... However, if it were my children, I would hire an attorney and voice my concerns and have the attorney take the appropriate measures to modify the custody arrangement through the family court. The family court will more than likely order a drug test at the direction of the woman's attorney, especially if that is her concern, and that's that as far as proof. 

I'll tell you a little story... My H and I went through a divorce proceeding and I was the one who had supervised visits based on my H's claim that I was an abusive alcoholic, I was also forced out of my home. Fast forward to 5 months later, I find out my H got a DUI (oh the irony) along with 4 other charges in one night, while my children were in his care (at home with someone else though). Also come to find out, he had moved his convicted felon, crackhead brother in my home with my children several months earlier. My H is a convicted felon, so that was a no no as far as the courts were concerned, not to mention he lied to his own attorney about the living arrangements. After my attorney brought the charges to the attention of the courts the same day I found out about the charges, my children were given back to me with absolutely no visits until the next court hearing (more than a month out). 

Anyway, I do know that DFS's hands are tied, unless there are clear cut evidence of any abuse (drugs around a child is considered abuse), it is a civil matter and should be directed back through the family courts.

Good luck!


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## Schill (Dec 7, 2011)

The only thing I can suggest, is for the mother of the children to talk to the father of the husband, addressing her concerns. It's the easiest way to go about it.. and if she does not get the answer she needs you then move up the ladder. Speak with his father. 

If it comes down to it, you have to do what's right for the children, you will need to call the DFS or even hire an attorney. You could even mention it before you do it, to see if that gets what you want.


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