# My story about the end



## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

It's funny I first posted here in 2007 about how I wanted to get married and he was being wishy washy about it. Here I am 10 years later just filing for divorce from him. 

I knew I should have left and stayed gone but my weakness I kept going back and finally he left me! I mean I should be happy that I am finally rid of him but it is a little insulting to have been cheated on and left by this loser. 

I finally figured out what was really wrong with him. Oh and he never did go back to work. Turns out he is a covert narcissist. I had no idea what that was but I sure do now.

He wanted out about 2 years ago but like usual he kept stringing me along and like usual I kept wanting to believe him. Really he just needed a place to live and someone (me) to pay the bills for him. He wanted out and refused to sleep with me or anything anymore but he also couldn't be bothered to file for a divorce either.

He discovered facebook then and created a fake persona and a double life online and completely shut me out. 

Finally he moved out and I was relieved and then my mother died and I had to go overseas so he came to watch the pets. I really should have never let him in my house. 

So it was our 8th wedding anniversary and it went ok I suppose. Then I got suspicious and just a few days after the anniversary, I caught him cheating online. I told him he needed to get out of my house and yes it was only my house at that point. He refused to leave. i called and had the utilities shut off and he turned them back on.

I went and filed for divorce the very next day.

Then, he started putting my things online and selling them! He sold my washer and dryer and fridge. 
Finally I called the police there and filed a report. I told him he had to leave or I would have him arrested.

Of course I was the bad guy. He claimed the things he was selling was his??? He said something about bogus charges as he does live there. I mean what a nut. He finally left!

I will be glad when the divorce is final. The final papers for him to sign was sent 2 weeks ago and he claims he never got them. 

I could resend them but now he refuses to tell me his new address.

I have learned from this in that when a person shows you who they are the first time, believe them. I have learned what a convert narcissist is. I have learned that keeping a marriage commitment at all costs especially to my own mental and physical well being isn't the right thing to do. 

So now I am completely starting my life over back in the country I am from. It's all still fresh but I do feel a glimmer of hope that things will be much better.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

So, he sounds like a new label... the Arrogant/Covert Narcissist, eh?

My, my my... just reading makes me happy for you to be rid of this suffering too!


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Thanks. My practice has helped immensely in all of this. 

Attachment to things drops away by itself when you no longer seek to find yourself in them.

Eckhart Tolle


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have a lawyer? Check about alternative ways to serve him...

Does he work now? Serve him at work.

Some states allow serving via mail to his last known address.

Or serve via publication in a local news papers.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

I served him at his last known address and he did receive the initial petition so if he fails to return the documents, I can do the publication in the paper and then the judge will sign off on it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

> My story about the end


I just want to say that I hate this title with a passion. I swear to God I thought I was going to read here you had inoperable cancer or something. YOUR STORY DOESN'T END WITH THIS LOSER! Maybe a bad chapter is over. It's this kind of thinking that keeps people stuck. Your life and happiness is not dependent on a relationship. That is the lesson to get. You say in your post you started posting on here because he was undecided about getting married. Why did you want to get married? Because you thought that marriage was the beginning to your happiness or the beginning to your story. This thinking (I must be married to matter) directly led to this guy. Now he gone and your story ends? 

It's bull****! You story begins and ends with you. Never let you happiness be depended on the fickleness of others. Go make your story great. Turn the page to the next chapter. A chapter about YOU!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Tigger said:


> I served him at his last known address and he did receive the initial petition so if he fails to return the documents, I can do the publication in the paper and then the judge will sign off on it.


Go for it. Some people think that avoiding service is a way to control the process, but it's not really.

If he does not wise up he will be divorced one day and have had no say in the settlement. Not smart of him. 

Oh well.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

sokillme said:


> I just want to say that I hate this title with a passion. I swear to God I thought I was going to read here you had inoperable cancer or something. YOUR STORY DOESN'T END WITH THIS LOSER!


I can see what you mean about the title. I mean the end of the marriage. 

I'm fortunate that I still have me, my career, my family, and the chance at a brand new start.

Thinking back about why I wanted to get married then. I suppose I wanted the happily ever after. I was vulnerable. I had lost my first husband. Yeah I made a lot of mistakes and I see that. I think I wanted the happily ever after marriage and I also wanted to stay in the country. 

I will heal and recover and enjoy life again. He will still be a narcissist sadistic loser.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

EleGirl said:


> Go for it. Some people think that avoiding service is a way to control the process, but it's not really.
> 
> If he does not wise up he will be divorced one day and have had no say in the settlement. Not smart of him.
> 
> Oh well.


I think it is all about control with him. He wouldn't end the marriage himself. He liked he cake. Yes, the divorce is going whether he likes it or not. 

He was so full of crap. Telling women we were separated when nothing had ever been filed. He just wanted to make up his own rules of being single when it suited him and being married when it suited him.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If you really want him served personally then create a fake Facebook persona just like he did and start talking to him.Eventually he will let something slip and you can find him.....if you can be bothered to that is.


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## Tigger (Dec 5, 2007)

Andy1001 said:


> If you really want him served personally then create a fake Facebook persona just like he did and start talking to him.Eventually he will let something slip and you can find him.....if you can be bothered to that is.


Good idea. It might be difficult as he is so paranoid about facebook. Yeah if I can be bothered, I might. I've kinda had my fill of him though.


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