# Who has Issues during the Holidays?



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

Let's face it, we are all groomed in the beginning to think that the Holidays are a magical time to spend with family and should be nothing but joyous times. All of the seasonal specials that air on TV point towards love, honesty, and family memories being made during this time of year. How many find it even worse and dread the upcoming celebrations since finding out about their spouse's betrayals and infidelity and would rather do nothing this time if year but hide away from everyone rather than face the humiliations and strange looks and whispers that may await them when they attend events as couples and/or families?

Does anyone else wish that we could just fast forward through this time of the year like I do?


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

As of this year, all holidays are at my house. Just the wife, me and the boys. If my wife wants to spend time with her family she can, but it will be without me. 

I will not put myself in that ackward place of having folks whisper or ask the questions.

Down the road there will be funerals, etc. I don't plan on going. If my boys would not be in their twenties and were small, I would do the same, stay home. There is nothing written anywhere that requires me to visit anyone.

For almost 30 years I spent just about every holiday with my inlaws. They were not all bad people. But my wife put them above me. I have told her I will no longer do that. She can do what she wants in regards to her family, but it will be without me.

My family, is not that close right now.


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

We made it through Thanksgiving that was major, and I am dreading Christmas and want New Years to just pass with the hopes that next year will be better. This past year really was so rough I didn't know if I'd be married or in the middle of a divorce a few months ago.

That said I am trying to make the most out of things. Trying to make new memories...We'll see. There are so many people who have bigger problems than marital woes, helping others is always the best thing I can do to get outside of my "problems".


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## angrybuttrying (Jun 17, 2013)

For me it's difficult. I had learned during counseling that my wife's EA really developed over the holidays, so I have to deal with that for the next few weeks. Like some here, 2013 truly sucked in so many ways. New Year's Eve for me will truly be a celebration, saying good riddance to 2013 and hello to the new year - which has to be better, right??


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I don't listen to the radio stations that play holiday music and don't watch television. My watchlist on Netflix includes things like Rubber and Hobo with a Shotgun (two genre movies that I missed when our theatre did a series,) Squid-Billies (don't ask, I won't tell,) The Road, There Will be Blood, Requiem for a Dream, Donnie Darko and a bunch of Hunter S. Thompson stuff. 
I am down to admiring the pretty lights and the heightened availability of good chocolate. Otherwise holidays are for relaxing, sleeping, traveling and catching up with my own work in between terms. If I have issues, they seem to be enjoyable ones. I like being able to take my younger kids to see their elder brother. He's a lot of fun.


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

I don't feel like decorating it seems pointless. I won't be doing any cleaning but I will be cooking as I do every year whether someone is here or not. The kitchen being the one place I find is all mine and cooking takes my mind off of everything. It will be only WH and I this year and in many ways I am sad but I can see no good memories being created this year.


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## hopefulgirl (Feb 12, 2013)

I'm all for fast forwarding. Too many dates this time of year are associated with bad stuff for me. I will be bringing this up in MC, and asking my WS for his help on especially difficult days.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Me
Xmas is not Xmas anymore.


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## angrybuttrying (Jun 17, 2013)

One thought I would add is that focusing on kids, yourself, friends, etc. may make the season feel more like the season. It works for me, with some diligence, but it's still hard. 

I'm trying to find things to be thankful for, even though 2013 has sucked in every way possible. I told someone at church that 2013 sucked, and I had nothing good to say about it, but he told me his daughter recently had tremendously successful brain surgery. So there are shining moments at times, so hopefully we can all find them and regard them with a little more reflection that we may have in the past.

Good luck!


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## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

Then why don't we make some good memories? Dingdarnit! Why can't we still embrace Peace on Earth? Why do our values have to be compromised because of marital problems?

I have decided I love yuletide, always have. I am going to find a way this year to get up to the mountain and have a hot buttered rum by a roaring lodge fire, with or without my H!

We deserve it. We can bring the magic back if we want to. Just think of something that brings that meaning back, don't let your WS cheat you out of it. IT DOESN'T COME FROM THEM.

I remember being a kid and drama would be going on and Christmas morning was always magical. If it can't be mustered up then maybe we can do something for someone less fortunate, or even a stranger....

Pay off a misc. layaway at the store. Plug someone's meter downtown. Write on pieces of paper, "You Are Loved" and just give them away. Drop them in shopping bags. Visit a children's hospital and give something that will change someone's life.

We can find a way...maybe....who's with me??!!


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## bartendersfriend (Oct 14, 2013)

I agree. The holidays will be tough for me. Thanksgiving was draining being around both of our families.

We have been making progress since DDay in September, but the holidays are a reminder I was apparently living in a fake marriage/life for the past several years. My wife's EA turned PA with my (former) best friend lasted years (on & off). But, when I thought we were bonding as a family and enjoying the holidays, it would seem the holidays were the time of year that things would go from off to on. I don't get it.

I will force myself to be "happy" for the kids. But, I can't wait to get past January and hope that I feel more festive next holiday season.


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## mcfadyenpb (Dec 4, 2013)

There is nothing written anywhere that requires me to visit anyone.


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## sammy3 (Jun 5, 2011)

Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, followed by birthday and anniversary on the same day, in January, with Valentine Day topping it all off! Can't wait...

~sammy


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

A long time ago her cheating started during the Christmas season. After that Christmas and the Holidays have very little meaning for me and yes we "R". If there was a TAM then it would have gone a lot better, I would have not been the "Nice Guy" and allowed the "Rug Sweeping" and hit the Cheating right in the Eye and maybe I would not have the issue with Christmas. 

I do things for others and make sure they have a Merry Christmas but for me it is a major "TRIGGER".


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

My d-day was a month or so ago...so although divorce is in the initial stages, I am still legally married

STBX moved out Dec 1rst...I am keeping the house...we have a 20 yr old son away at college and a 4 year old daughter who we are sharing 50/50

I am DREADING Christmas...the christmas music is making me cry alot....dont know why, I am not prone to crying...my daughter LOVES this music and wants it on when she is with me at home or in car...we put up the tree 2 nights ago and as much as I enjoyed her complete and utter joy, I felt like I was dying inside...

when my daughter is not with me...all the christmas lights are off...no christmas music...I WISH my tree was on wheels so I could fling it into a closet and only bring it out when my daughter is around...Instead I have a dark black comforter I throw over it so I dont have to look at it

My stbx dropped my daughter off last night...she came running in in a panic and said "j is still in car seat, can you grab her I am about to pee my pants"...as she ran into the bathroom she yelled back "why is there a blanket over your christmas tree"...I yelled back "F**K Christmas" and went out to get J*****...

when I came back stbx had pulled the blanket off the tree and she was crying...phhhttttt...I wanted to tell her to wrap the blanket around her vagina as THAT is why my attitude is so bad, bud J*****was there...

I really dont want anything to do with christmas this year...if not for my daughter I would completely ignore it


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

sammy3 said:


> Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's, followed by birthday and anniversary on the same day, in January, with Valentine Day topping it all off! Can't wait...
> 
> ~sammy


Me too! Ugh, it is the worst so many "happy" times crammed into 3 months! Makes me look forward to fun stuff like filing income tax! What box I will check is still a roll of the dice.


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## RWB (Feb 6, 2010)

Visiting Family on Holidays, means driving on I-75, I get the "pleasure" of passing the very Hotels that my wife had sex with her APs. Really will put you in the mood to be festive.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

Im going all out Bah humbug this year. No tree, no decorations. I already hate xmas music and its only been playing for a week. I plan on thickening my skin and gutting it out alone along with a weekly IC visit. I'll probably buy myself something nice. Like a new snow blower, which could be dumb if I have to sell the house but **** it! If I give up on keeping the house I already lost it.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Only because it is fresh with me, but I need to suck it up for my 2 boys.. If I have it bad I can only imagine what my 13 year old feels like knowing his own mother won't talk to him.. 

I don't see him getting any Xmas presents from his mother let alone a card..


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## Jeffster (Nov 26, 2013)

Yes, yes, and hell yes!

Whomever came up with this holiday stuff ought to be ostrasized from civilization. They were great when I was a kid, but now it's just a burden... Especially this year. 

God, how I dispise shopping...

Bah Humbug to all. Festivus for the rest of us!!!


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Jeffster said:


> Yes, yes, and hell yes!
> 
> Whomever came up with this holiday stuff ought to be ostrasized from civilization. They were great when I was a kid, but now it's just a burden... Especially this year.
> 
> ...


Actually I still love Seinfeld, I had forgotten about Festivus but I could do with an airing of the grievances. Maybe I'll get an Aluminum pole.


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## Jeffster (Nov 26, 2013)

Who doesn't love an aluminum Pole?

Or Seinfeld, for that matter...


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