# Feels Like Single Dad - Need To Step Up For Kids



## sosei (Aug 9, 2011)

Hello there,
I am a married guy, decent enough house, wife, 3 kids (all under 10). I work from home (telecommute) which has worked out and been a lifesaver for the reasons of this post. To cut to the chase of the issue my wife is effectively disjoint from most all the work at home or with the kids effectively making me feel like a single parent. I am not looking for help with getting her to do more, though, she is handling issues which I think would be too much were I to offload many of the things I do save one shot small tasks. My concern is my inability, seemingly as a father and also just being inexperienced socially (I am not anti-social I just admittedly have undeveloped skills) to make sure my kids are as involved with others as much as they could be. 
I seem to have a hard time connecting with other parents, getting playdates set up, getting them involved better with I expect common things which help kids be around other kids and develop friendships. I also feel a touch awkward being the dad doing it with the overall framework feeling geared towards moms.
What can i do to help get my kids more involved with other kids?
I mean it also would be good to meet other kids' parents more often I expect and honestly hone my own social skills (telecommuting kinda means no chatting around the watercooler), but moreso I want to help my kids get out more and get use to dealing with other kids and have more friends.
The school year is coming up and 2 are going into 1st and 2nd, so any help as that ramps up would be awesome.


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

In this day and age it is hard to make connections with other parents. Parents are understandably cautious about who they let around their children. And you being a man may make them even a little more cautious. I'm not saying that is fair, I am just saying that is the way it is now days. 

If the older two are about to start school again that may solve part of your problem If you can get involved in school activities, become kind of a 'room dad'. If you could help with class parties and field trips that would give other parents a chance to get to know you and make them more open to play dates. You could also try joining the PTA, that would give you a chance to get to know other parents.

Are you religious at all? Because church would be a great place for your children to met and interact with other kids. And also for you to get to know other parents. Larger churches often have a lot of activities for kids. 

Also visiting local parks is a good way to met other kids and their parents. I babysit my granddaughter while my daughter and son in law are at work and I often take her to a local park. When I notice she is playing well with another child I would strike up a conversation with the parents. Sometimes they would mention that they bring their child to the park at certain times every week. It took some time but she now has a couple of kids that she plays with on a regular basis at the park. 

Also signing up kids for classes and activities is good. You could check with you county parks and recreation dept to see what activities they offer for small children. My granddaughter took a kid's computer class at the continuing education dept of a local college this summer. She really enjoyed being with the other kids. She also takes karate classes where she has made a couple of friends. Karate classes are also great for teaching kids focus and respect. 

I hope some of this helps.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

SadieBrown said:


> In this day and age it is hard to make connections with other parents. Parents are understandably cautious about who they let around their children. And you being a man may make them even a little more cautious. I'm not saying that is fair, I am just saying that is the way it is now days.
> 
> If the older two are about to start school again that may solve part of your problem If you can get involved in school activities, become kind of a 'room dad'. If you could help with class parties and field trips that would give other parents a chance to get to know you and make them more open to play dates. You could also try joining the PTA, that would give you a chance to get to know other parents.
> 
> ...



H and I are older parents of a 3 yd 8 month old. We started 3 year old in Daycare twice a week strictly for that reason. He's making friends now. Whether Daycare, free library programs, preschool etc. Find something like that for the youngest, school should take care of older 2 kids socialization.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sosei (Aug 9, 2011)

Thank you for the great ideas!
We actually did daycare for the younger kids for the same reason, to get them around other kids to learn how to socialize. This day and age it is a bit too expensive though but I do like the park idea for the youngest just so he is not left out.
I had considered the PTA before and think I will sign up for this upcoming year. I think I will also look at the local Y to see about classes offered for kids, trying to get them in some extracurricular activities that they like. 
Getting better at playdates, finding, arranging, not being over persistent (prolly my own worry that doing too many will make it feel like my kids are a nuisance and overreacting by not doing enough) will help alot too for more 1-1 friendships for my girls...

I guess one other item affecting my involvement in doing all those extra things is clinging to a hope that my wife would want to step up to handle some of the stuff. It kind of feels like if I decide to finally sign up in my head for handling all this I basically have given up on her getting involved in these things. Not to a 'D' level, not at all but these are the last few things around the house or with the kids which I have not been put in charge of. Kind of a nervousness about what it mean though I have given her ample chances already....I guess I am getting to the point where I am not really wanting to sacrifice more years of the kids social opportunities just to leave things open for her initiative or involvement...


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Find activities for your children to get involved in. That is what creates healthy socializing.

And concerning children's activities, less is more. Don't overdue it.

Also, stop waiting and wishing and these other things for your wife to step up.

Orchestrate what needs to be orchestrated, and then simply communicate your expecations that your wife will need to make it happen, when it is appropriate for her to make it happen.

Set the tone, set the stage, stop waiting and making excuses, and instead simply assume based on your past experience that you need to take on the leader role in this particular area.

And having said this, not knowing your back story, I will ask if there is any particular reason your wife is not so involved with your children's day to day tasks?


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## sosei (Aug 9, 2011)

Yeah I do want to find a good balance of activities for them; even in the one soccer (U8) I was a little leery about the how it felt like the coach was trying to get em ready for the major leagues and did not care for it...I would love to find some good Y activities since we are members.

My wife's problems include OCD and gastro issues so the general belief is that nothing can be scheduled ahead of time since she is not sure how she is going to feel.

I guess I do agree I need to bite the bullet and keep it from being an excuse of my own too, me not being an ultra initiative driven person myself, though with my workload I am expecting I will need to commit to it without expectations of help. I do hope I can do a good job of it for their sake.


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