# Just like a lot of you!



## Ana_Nurse (Oct 24, 2009)

Well my husband left three weeks ago. Naturally I feel sad, upset, and devistated. At first he was sure of his discision, now he says he want to work it out. We went to counseling on wed and have another appointment this wed. He has our car so he comes over every day to let me use it... I am looking for full time work. He still says I love you and hugs and kisses. Our sex life that was non existant has become existant. I don't know what to do. Do I believe that he really wants to work it out, or am I just a crutch? Is he coming around out of guilt for leaving my self and our 3 year old daughter. I can't tell. What do I do?


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

All you can do is pay attention to his actions. You need to talk with him about his issues and about your issues regarding the marriage. There were things that both of you were doing that got it to this point. And it will take both of you to put it back together.

He said he wanted to work on it and you started counseling. You have to decide if you are willing to work on it. If not, then there won't be any reconcilliation.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Early days - but try and protect yourself...I know it's hard but think carefully about the sex - imagine that he goes to counselling and says it's over definitely and yet he has still been having sex with you - try and think how you will feel...


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

This might sound harsh or mean, you might want to think about trying to detach yourself from him now. It might show him that your not just going to sit around and wait for HIM to make up his mind. It shows him that if he really does want you and care about you and your child that he better get his act together and come back into the picture. I agree with K. I know I would be still very emotionally involved if the sex was still there, and if a few days/ weeks down the road he tells you something that you may not want to hear, it might hurt even worse. Think of it this way, if you detach yourself now (and by detach I don't mean you are totally ruling out that it could work out between you two) it could save you from a lot of pain in the future.


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## Ana_Nurse (Oct 24, 2009)

I agree, I have been working on detaching myself. I am trying to live as though he is never coming back. It is still fresh so the confusion is as well. This is hard! You never think this is going to happen to your marriage.... I am not sure what to make of all of this. He said he wanted space so I am trying to give it to him. He talks about when he moves back in also. I know this is nothing new to anyone... but I feel so stupid. WHAT DO I DO!!! I feel at such a low point. I am worried about my daughter. She constantly cries for him and when she see's him she tells him to come back... NOT ANYTHING I HAVE TOLD HER. How do I handle this. Forgive my being confused everyone. Thanks for all your responces also.


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## Ilovemyfeelings (Oct 20, 2009)

I would say NO sex until you can figure out what you want boyfriend.... you need your boundaries...
Its like he is in the control seat so you have to protect your self.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Reconciliation needs to be a 100% commitment from both people. The spouse that leaves needs to state a reason why he wants back and it should NOT be for loneliness, financial, or guilt. It needs to be wanting to make the marriage work.

He also needs to do what it takes to work on the marriage. Part time spouse and sex without commitment won't bring him back.

If he comes back, for the wrong reasons (see above) then it will no work out and your heart will be torn again.

Often (I have done this) we give into whatever they want in hopes that this will turn them around! BEWARE! It will lead you down a long road of limbo!

Learn to set your boundaries and do these things for you. Your daughter is young and doensn't like to separate. You don't have to explain anything to her yet. Just tell her he's going away and will see her later.


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## New Beginnings (Sep 9, 2009)

This is really thin ice for your relationship right now. If he is sincere in wanting to work it out, and you are as well, then the two of you have a lot of work ahead of you. I think some distance is good but he also might not know if your willing if he thinks he is being rejected in working things out. The counseling is very positive I think as long as you both are in those sessions with the same goal in mind.


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