# Husband Using Prostitutes



## adviser (Jan 25, 2013)

I have caught my husband finding online hookups and through some sleuthing, I end up finding the prostitutes he has gone to. The last one was last year, and I used the cell phone call log to find the person he had been going to on and off for what looks like a year or so. I called the number and asked the woman, who denied knowing my husband. I told her that I was going to have her arrested. She ended up calling my husband, so he was tipped off that I was onto him, and when I got home from work, he had arragend for us to get out of the house for the difficult conversation we were then going to have. Once again, he professed that the problem was his, all his, and not mine. That he had to get a handle on this behavior and that he was so upset about how hurtful it was to me. So he put up with my rage for awhile, and became a super husband. For a time. He became more attentive to my needs, more helpful around the house. In the past (this similar incident happened about 8 years ago when Craigslist led him astray). We both went through all the STD testing. He tells me he's just paying $100 for a quick blow job and uses a condom for this. And thats it. We have also been to counseling, but I have not found that to be useful truly. We got into this dissection of why he did this, and i came away angry about how he has greater needs that I can't meet, and how he turns away, and how we co-create this situation and need to change. I just don't see spending all that time and money on counseling when I feel like the counselor doesn't give us helpful tools for stopping this from happening. 

It sounds like such a lurid story, and when I write it down I can't believe I even live with this situation. The hardest part is that I live with this all alone. So I'm happy to find this site. I appreicated the comments of those people who have a bit more of a compassionate view on this matter, and not just black/white. It's strange to me that I continue in this relationship, but I love him, and he loves me. And we enjoy so many things with our children and family. Financially it would be so stressful and ruinous to the family to try to break it all up. So we go on. The problem is that once life settles back into it's old routines, after the adrenaline filled anger subsides and the tender caring feelings start to recede, I feel like we slip back into the old habits. And I snoop around his phone and computer and look at the call logs to check up on him, and start to find evidence. There are little indicators that start to tip me off, that clue me into start looking around again. I'm starting to feel that pit in my stomach now, and totally distracted. I just don't know what to do.


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## Crushedmum (Jul 30, 2013)

I'm in the very early days of having discovered that my (I thought) kind, loving and loyal husband (partner of 20+ years) has a very regular, longstanding habit of visiting prostitutes.
I am devastated, never ever imagined this situation, not in a million trillion years.
He is a little upset, sorry, promises it will never happen again. Can't really explain why it happened in the first place. Except that he has a much higher sex drive than he ever let me know about. And if he's in the mood and it's not happening at home (he likes me to initiate) then without waiting, he goes visiting *****s. Poor impulse control, total lack of morals, and these *****s are located very close to where he works, so the temptation overwhelms him. 
So here we are. He's trying to be the perfect husband, father. Promising me all kinds of changes. Promising me he will never do it again. But with a habit this regular, that was so much his chosen lifestyle, for so long? I just can't believe that he suddenly has the strength, the moral fibre, the determination to resist it. I can imagine that once he thinks things are back to 'normal' and that I've got mostly over it, he'll quietly resume his very exciting, very sexually satisfying, secret habit.
We've been together so long that it will be easy to slip back into our comfortable, easy going relationship. Our children are still very young, so I feel I cannot in any case leave him as they need their kind, loving father. But my faith in this relationship, my faith in him has been totally broken. And I don't think I could ever trust a man ever again. So there also go my chances/hopes for any future happiness with anyone else.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

My husband cheated for over half of our 20 year marriage. I thought it was just a prostitute or two but it turned out that was just the tip of the iceberg. He was seeing dozens of women for years and multiple women at once.

Craigslist
Adult Friend Finder
Plenty O Fish
Match.com
Singles something???............... And many more........
...................

IMO, you should be looking for more stuff on your husbands.

Sorry you are here - it's an awful thing to find out.


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## Tiberius (Mar 22, 2012)

Ladies, I am so sorry to hear that you are in this situation. I am not an expert, but I believe that this is an addiction and like all addictions, they need to seek help. 
It is hard to break a marriage, especially that you have children and comfortable lives, plus a seemingly happy marriage, but I would give an ultimatum to your husbands-they seek help to stop this or the marriage ends. Your husbands face no consequences, they know you love them and depend on them and they know that each time they do it, they will say sorry and you will forgive them.

For me, my husband having an EA was a deal breaker that almost ended my marriage. If I found out he went to prostitutes, I would have thrown him out with his possessions. I would loose all trust, I would never be attracted to him sexually knowing where he has been and the fact that he risked my life being exposed to STD's will put the nail in the coffin.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

All the snooping stuff. VAR in car, keylogger on computer, etc.

Have some frank talks about the consequences but there will not be any as long as you put your finances above your dignity. I understand and many here see your point about money, but honestly, until you are ready to give it up, you may just continue in a cycle that you will never like. 

And do you believe he paid $100.00 for a BJ? I never propositioned a prostitute so I Googled it. Depending where he was it just might be $100.00. Some places like where I live you get intercourse or anal for less then $50.00 other places go into the $1000's. 

Sorry you are here.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I'm very sorry, it's very very unlikely he'll change. He will only try to hide this and take it underground covering any future evidence.

My ex h is too, a serial cheater. I ended up leaving, even after being a new parent and started my life new as a single parent. Life turned out very well and I married a wonderful and faithful man the second time, who accepted my child as his own. 

19-20 years have passed since my divorce and my ex h is still cheating to this day. His behavior towards others has worsened though. I would never stay because of the children. Once they find out, there's a very good chance they will think it's okay to cheat or for your spouse to cheat. Also prostitution is against the law, it also teaches them that breaking the law is okay as long as you don't get caught.

You better get tested for STD's. condoms break and they always don't protect. That's IF he's using them. You don't want an incurable disease from the expense of your husbands foolish decisions. You really need to think if your okay with an open marriage or not.

Good luck to you. I wish you the best.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

adviser said:


> I can't believe I even live with this situation.


Me neither. What can be worse than living with a guy who you can't trust and who repeatedly frequents prostitutes and lies to you when caught? No way he got just a bj and was wearing a condom, and you KNOW he's keeping a lot more from you.

So why do you live with this? You say it's "stressful and financially ruinous" to divorce.



adviser said:


> Financially it would be so stressful and ruinous to the family to try to break it all up. So we go on.


Of course divorce is stressful. But living the way you are is much, much worse. So forget about stress. 

Your other given reason for not kicking him to the curb? It would be "financially ruinous'.

I doubt it. Have you consulted with a lawyer to get an idea of how you would come out in a divorce? If not, why not? Why just assume you'd be totally screwed? Even if you WERE financially ruined, you rebuild. But odds are you'd be in better shape than you realize. You need to find out. Start with a legal consult. It wouldn't hurt to let him know you're considering those options. Probably won't keep him honest but it might slow him down a bit.



adviser said:


> The problem is that once life settles back into it's old routines, after the adrenaline filled anger subsides and the tender caring feelings start to recede, I feel like we slip back into the old habits.


Of course it does. He's confident knowing you'll put up with anything he does. So why should he stop? He doesn't care about you, that's for sure.


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