# Middle of the night sex



## marty1966 (Feb 25, 2013)

We usually have sex once - sometimes twice a week. Pretty wild and adventurous at times. I'm not complaining. I'm 47 - shes 40. 3 teenage kids.

But sometimes I'll go to bed "in the mood" but for numerous reasons I know she's not - and I will then proceed to toss and turn for an hour or two. I didn't initially initiate for fear of being rejected - plus if she's giving off certain indicators then I know better.

Every now and again I have found myself giving into my lust and waking her up and just taking her. She will make a few comments - but not actually "no" or "stop" and so I proceed.

Within a few thrusts I find her to be seemingly wetter than usual and her moans seem more animalistic. Being it is the middle of the night I tend to ensure I don't last long and that's that. I think what she hates the most is having to then get up and go to the bathroom.

So each time I've done this she will usually comment the next day - something negative about being tired. And most importantly she says not to ever wake her up in the middle of night again.

My response is to say something like well you certainly seemed to enjoy it. You were so wet etc. So I don't do it again for a few weeks or months - but then it will happen again. 

I know I'm aroused by just taking her and I know she's aroused by me being so aggressive. But I guess maybe she likes her sleep more.

I know we just need to have a bigger conversation about this but would appreciate other opinions on her behaviors - and mine


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

"take her" before she goes to sleep

her arousal is more about being taken/ravished than the time


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## Happyquest (Apr 21, 2009)

I have said before we have a candle in the bedroom that is lite when ever one of us goes to bed and in the mood that its ok to be woken up. It works great! Its such a nice surprise to go to bed and find that candle lit and then find an erotic way to wake the sleeping partner. Very rarely does the candle get blown out and nothing happens


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## Lionlady (Sep 12, 2012)

Happyquest said:


> I have said before we have a candle in the bedroom that is lite when ever one of us goes to bed and in the mood that its ok to be woken up. It works great! Its such a nice surprise to go to bed and find that candle lit and then find an erotic way to wake the sleeping partner. Very rarely does the candle get blown out and nothing happens


Well, if what she hates is the mess, why not grab a towel when you're done and clean her up.  I think that sounds hot, but it would depend on the night!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

I just grab a sock from my nightstand and toss it to the wife for cleanup before i pass out.

a clean sock.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

ATC529R said:


> I just grab a sock from my nightstand and toss it to the wife for cleanup before i pass out.
> 
> a clean sock.


Lol


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

marty1966 said:


> I know I'm aroused by just taking her and I know she's aroused by me being so aggressive. But I guess maybe she likes her sleep more.


Why would you assume that? Your wife is giving you two stories. Using verbal communication, she's telling you that she's not interested in sex in the middle of the night. But her nonverbal communication is showing you that she is very interested. When a conflict arises between verbal and nonverbal communication, you should usually trust the nonverbal communication.

Maybe she thinks that she shouldn't like sex like that. Maybe she likes being taken, but then she realizes she's given up her power to you and she tries to reclaim it by forbidding you to do it again. Who knows? She likes it, so keep doing it.



> I know we just need to have a bigger conversation about this but would appreciate other opinions on her behaviors - and mine


I wouldn't recommend a conversation about it. Don't argue with her about this. Don't rationalize with her. Don't use logic. The next time you do it and she objects the next day, either ignore her, or joke with her. Tell her that she's saying what she wants, but you know what she needs.  Or, just tell her that she's welcome. I think she's just fitness testing you.


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## ALWAYS TRYING (Mar 2, 2013)

Read the topic. Middle of the night sex. I said YES.

I agree she is not turning you down. Getting up to go pee I understand. Her body likes what she is doing. And she only is losing 30 minutes of sleep. Do it more often and ignore the morning after comment. Or say YOUR WELCOME.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Oh gosh I LOVE when H does this! Since I don't sleep nude I'm usually wet enough after he takes my clothes off. Oh but we must be gross because he will keep holding me until morning.no getting up to go to bathroom. Its usually really a couple of hours before getting up though.

Your W must love it too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NatureDave (Feb 19, 2013)

I have no real words of wisdom other than sleepy sex rocks!

We don't do it too often, but sometimes I will start touching my wife in the middle of the night and if she starts responding, then that really gets me going. 

Spoon position is great for middle of the night sex, where neither of us have to get too active and really wake up and you can fall back asleep in the same position.

Slow, gentle sleepy sex is a great variation in our sex life!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I love being woken up for sex and love just being taken. But I don't love having to get out of bed to clean up or to relieve my bladder after sex(women should do that each time to prevent UTI's) Back before H had a vasectomy, we used condoms. I LOVED that because I didn't have to get out of bed to clean or pee, he did to dispose of the condom and I was usually blissfully asleep before her returned. If your wife has UTI issues and has to pee after sex, try a condom, as long as your hands are clean she should be safe.

I saw in another thread to keep ay wipes by the bed to prevent the need to get out of bed. Not sure about the sock idea though...


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

you said that since it's the middle of the night, you tend to keep it short. although she gets wet, which I would think means she's turned on, if you're keeping it short, does she orgasm, too? maybe she's bummed about that?


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

marty1966 said:


> We usually have sex once - sometimes twice a week. Pretty wild and adventurous at times. I'm not complaining. I'm 47 - shes 40. 3 teenage kids.
> 
> But sometimes I'll go to bed "in the mood" but for numerous reasons I know she's not - and I will then proceed to toss and turn for an hour or two. I didn't initially initiate for fear of being rejected - plus if she's giving off certain indicators then I know better.
> 
> ...



I absolutely love when my H wakes me up for this! Going to the bathroom is a must for me as I am prone to getting UTI's. 

Ask her very seriously how she feels about this and respect her wishes no matter if she gets wet or not. One thing to think about is it seems as though you may be the only one having the orgasm here. Is that true? If so, maybe that is why she isnt crazy about being woken up. Give her an "O" and believe me she wont mind....


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Oh man I love it when he takes me in the middle of the night. Sorry nothing constructive to add, just daydreaming over here.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

> (women should do that each time to prevent UTI's)


Oh gosh, really? Ii didn't know 

That sucks, but it's a wonder I haven't had a UTI, then. Bummer! Guess I can't take any chances since I'm pregnant too.

Pink, why couldn't you have left me in my ignorance? LOL!


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## Kettlebells21 (Feb 7, 2013)

Y'all are so lucky, count your blessings~!~! (8 years in a sexless marriage - ugh!!)


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## marty1966 (Feb 25, 2013)

Thanks to everyone (almost everyone!) for their responses.

The mess - I think I'll try a condom next time - just to see if it helps - but she does always pee due to UTI's.

The orgasm - she likes to cum from PIV - and best when she's on top. She's not taking the initiative to get on top so I'm not sure that's it. But next time I'll just put her on top and see.

PHTlump - thanks for this below. I don't think she thinks it's dirty etc - she's pretty uninhibited and adventurous.

I do think it's the part below I bolded. Her personality is such that she can be very insecure - especially man vs woman stuff. She is constantly trying to prove to me she's not weak - not physically but mentally.

I've been trying for years to help her be less insecure and more confident. 



PHTlump said:


> Why would you assume that? Your wife is giving you two stories. Using verbal communication, she's telling you that she's not interested in sex in the middle of the night. But her nonverbal communication is showing you that she is very interested. When a conflict arises between verbal and nonverbal communication, you should usually trust the nonverbal communication.
> 
> Maybe she thinks that she shouldn't like sex like that. *Maybe she likes being taken, but then she realizes she's given up her power to you and she tries to reclaim it by forbidding you to do it again.* Who knows? She likes it, so keep doing it.
> 
> ...


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## marty1966 (Feb 25, 2013)

olisavictor said:


> It seems your wife love it when you make love to her, but i think there is only one problem though, both of you did not know how to go about asking your partner for sex. You are both shy to mention sex, please grow up and be a husband. Stop using her weakness to screw her, make her to always want sex from you.
> visit BLISSFUL UNION for tips on how to relate with your wife sexually.


You are making assumptions - and I assume you know what they say about people who assume.....


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## marty1966 (Feb 25, 2013)

Almostrecovered said:


> "take her" before she goes to sleep
> 
> her arousal is more about being taken/ravished than the time


I do this already - but sometimes I just end up thinking it's not worth it. I think it's because I really wish she would initiate more. 

But then 2-3 hours later I end up "losing it" - and I take her anyways.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

marty1966 said:


> Her personality is such that she can be very insecure - especially man vs woman stuff. She is constantly trying to prove to me she's not weak - not physically but mentally.
> 
> I've been trying for years to help her be less insecure and more confident.


If she's focused on girl power, to the detriment of your sex life, then you should not be trying to help her feel more self confident and powerful. You should be trying to lead more in your household and make her feel comfortable with that.

Women under the age of 40 have grown up in a feminist world. Many of them are convinced that women are simply men with breasts. That belief really confounds them when they discover key aspects of their sexuality, like the preference to be dominated/taken in the bedroom.

So, I think you're better off ignoring her comments and focusing on her lubrication and orgasms. Orgasms don't lie. Also, if your wife is naturally a bit submissive, don't expect her to initiate. First, women usually have responsive desire, where they require a man to initiate before they start thinking about sex. Second, she probably just wants you to take the lead.

Look at the following blogs for some good information on how your wife likely thinks, and how you can have a successful marriage.

Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits.
Dalrock | Thoughts from a happily married father on a post feminist world.

Good luck.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> Oh gosh, really? Ii didn't know
> 
> That sucks, but it's a wonder I haven't had a UTI, then. Bummer! Guess I can't take any chances since I'm pregnant too.
> 
> Pink, why couldn't you have left me in my ignorance? LOL!


Hey congrats! When are you due?

It's just part of hygiene that some women need to do while others don't.

Once you start getting UTI's it seems like the door is now opened... I didn't get any UTI' until a few years after my second child. Then they were occasional. But peri menopause hit and they just kept on coming. 

OP, I think Lump is smack on the money.


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## Busy Accountant (Mar 15, 2013)

Hey Marty - I have found myself in the exact same place your wife is. My H wakes me in the middle of the night, takes care of business (mine too) and morning comes too early. 3 kids? Did it ever occur to you that she is telling you the truth? That she's tired? I was. Yep, I got turned on when he started, and enjoyed myself, but honestly I would have traded the "fun" for just a bit more sleep. Turns out, after years of feeling bad about it, feeling like I was lazy, I have found out I just plain need more sleep than H. Also, I take on more of the kid-responsibilities than he did, and I work too. Take the fact that you do have great sex most times that she loves you and wants you. But, believe what she tells you too! She's tired! When you do talk to her (and you should) be open to giving her a chance to recharge her battery. You may find she will be more open to sharing that extra energy with you! Good luck!


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

Busy Accountant said:


> 3 kids? Did it ever occur to you that she is telling you the truth? That she's tired? I was.


The kids are teenagers. It's not like she has to breastfeed them throughout the night. And Marty waits several weeks, or even months, in between the late night sessions. It shouldn't really be interfering with her sleep patterns.


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## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

Here's a different perspective..my ex used to ONLY engage in MOTN sex. I always go to bed between 10 and 10:30.. he'd stay up until 1-2 am then wake me up. After years, it was a complete turnoff. Come to bed WITH me if you want sex, not 4 hrs later.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Oh gee y'all! I want my H to feel like he can have it anytime and anywhere (as long as its legal). Is that a turn off knowing its always available? Do you want your wives to refuse so you can chase?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HeartbrokenW (Sep 26, 2012)

Consistently being taken in the motn was like saying " I don't want you to participate, but I will please myself whenever I want. YOUR needs don't count."


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

committed4ever said:


> Oh gee y'all! I want my H to feel like he can have it anytime and anywhere (as long as its legal). Is that a turn off knowing its always available? Do you want your wives to refuse so you can chase?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I think you run the risk of it becoming boring. But in my mind there's a difference between "he can have it anytime" and you actually wanting it and participating and being fully engaged.


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

WorkingOnMe said:


> I think you run the risk of it becoming boring. But in my mind there's a difference between "he can have it anytime" and you actually wanting it and participating and being fully engaged.


So you're saying tell him no sometimes?

He would probably take it anyway even if I said no. Now that would REALLY be hot!

Not participating - not an option. It feels too good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

committed4ever said:


> Oh gee y'all! I want my H to feel like he can have it anytime and anywhere (as long as its legal). Is that a turn off knowing its always available? Do you want your wives to refuse so you can chase?


If you are a 100% lock for your husband, then yes, playing hard to get from time to time might get your husband's motor revving. But it's really an individual taste kind of thing. A sure thing is a turn on for lots of men.


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## MaybeItsMe? (Oct 26, 2011)

my god my wife would cut my **** off if I even tried to wake her up in the night. Sleep, food, tv, friends are her big things. Mess with any of them and you are in the **** big time for probably a month or even more!


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## Cinderloo (Mar 21, 2013)

Why do you have to clean up, I leave it in all night, prefer too, woman absorb small amounts of testosterone this way. 
It's good for us.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

ATC529R said:


> I just grab a sock from my nightstand and toss it to the wife for cleanup before i pass out.
> 
> a clean sock.


It's the little touches which are the mark of a true gentleman...


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

marty1966 said:


> I do this already - but sometimes I just end up thinking it's not worth it. I think it's because I really wish she would initiate more.
> 
> But then 2-3 hours later I end up "losing it" - and I take her anyways.


You are obviously not satisfied at all with your sex life. THAT is the conversation to have, not her remarks after you 'take' her.

Keep taking her, In fact, tell her if she's missing sleep, to go to bed early cause the Campus Burgler might be in town tonight!


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Busy Accountant said:


> Hey Marty - I have found myself in the exact same place your wife is. My H wakes me in the middle of the night, takes care of business (mine too) and morning comes too early. 3 kids? Did it ever occur to you that she is telling you the truth? That she's tired? I was. Yep, I got turned on when he started, and enjoyed myself, but honestly I would have traded the "fun" for just a bit more sleep. Turns out, after years of feeling bad about it, feeling like I was lazy, I have found out I just plain need more sleep than H. Also, I take on more of the kid-responsibilities than he did, and I work too. Take the fact that you do have great sex most times that she loves you and wants you. But, believe what she tells you too! She's tired! When you do talk to her (and you should) be open to giving her a chance to recharge her battery. You may find she will be more open to sharing that extra energy with you! Good luck!


Sorry, but once a week and him barely able to bottle up his desire is NOT a satisfactory sex life.

She needs to go to bed earlier and say yes MORE. She wants her sleep? Screw him before she goes to bed. An easy EASY solution which just...doesn't....occur...to...her.

OP, push the sex before bed issue. Don't ask. Just start to take her. The only word you listen to is 'pomegranate'. If she says that, it's no fun time. Give her the safe word and don't listen to her rationalizations. She isn't an initiator, so you need to man up and do it yourself.


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