# Get Involved or Not Get Involved



## RandomMan (Jul 10, 2012)

Hi everyone, 

I am new to this board. 

I have a problem and I'm not sure if I want to get involved or just mind my own dang business. Any advice would be considered and appreciated. 

Okay, here we go. I live in an apartment with my wife and kids. The joining apartment door faces my door where a nice young couple lives with no kids. "Brian" is the guy who lives there and he is a really nice guy. We have had a beer on a couple of occasions but I wouldn't consider us friends. I have never spoken to his wife nor has my wife. Mostly we speak in passing or if I am out grilling he will come over and shoot the sh!t. 

Anyway, to make a long story short, Brian works in the oilfield which is booming in my area. He is gone for weeks at a time. While he is gone my wife and I have noticed the personal trainer coming by his apartment. I say that because he always has on a shirt that says...personal trainer and he is big. 

It got to be a joke where I would come home from and work and ask my wife...hey have you seen the personal trainer today. On one occasion he came over and she ran out the door, jumped into his arms, wrapped her legs around him, and kissed him all over. So that shot down my suggestion that he did house call personal training sessions. 

My wife says to mind my own business. However, if some dude was coming to my house and taking my wife to pound town I would want to know, right?

What should I do?????????????? I think I'm gonna tell him when he comes back into town.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Inform your neighbor. One anonymous message with some specifics would do it.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

If you aren't exposing it you are participating in it. She may not appreciate it but he will. If you have his cell take some incriminating photos and send them his way. I hate cake eaters.


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

if you can get some proof along with the tip off, send it over to Brian anonymously.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Well, I would mention it but I'd be open-minded.
He could very well know about it and condone it, don't assume anything and try to frame your information neutrally just to be sure.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Tell the neighbor, it's the right thing to do. If you can get a pic of the OM and hs car to show him even better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I agree, tell the niegbor.
Give him this site and inform him before he confront, he better educate him self b/c infidelity has a script and he would be best served to learn as much as he can.

As far as evidence I might want to at least take a picture, but lets face it you and your wife will not come out the heroes.

Us as betrayed have a hard time accepting the unacceptable and he may approach his WW and she will talk him down and then the both of you wil be the bad guy

Or He will listen to you, get more proof and thank you for the rest of his.

At the very least you can hope that you are no longer a witness to this evil behavior and it is taken toa hotel.

So please at least warn the guy about the train wreck that is coming his way, just like you would stop a complete stranger from stepping out in traffic....if you know what I mean?

This may be bad advise but you can tell him that you don't appreaciate the public effection that her and her boyfriend display. Thinking here that he may already know!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You might want to ask him about the swinging life style or the polyamorous relationship that he is in and see his response?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The only thing my fWW says is "they always kill the messenger"

For whats that worth.

I like my last idea....your not accusing his priecous wife...just asking a simple question about there assumed life style.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

If you know you should share with your neighbor. I know that would be strange living so close but he has the right to know.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

RandomMan said:


> My wife says to mind my own business.


This would alarm the funk out of me. Granted, I am hypersensitive to red flags and pay very close attention to 'tells' when it comes to moral boundries... But, I dont think I like the idea of my wife telling me to ignore someone being betrayed.


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## thesunwillcomeout (Jun 25, 2012)

Or you could always ask innocently when you see him next, "I noticed your wife is very close with her brother. Wow, that is some kind of hug they give in their family!"


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Well, I would mention it but I'd be open-minded.
> *He could very well know about it and condone it*, don't assume anything and try to frame your information neutrally just to be sure.


:scratchhead: What are the odds?

Send him an anonymous note with a picture if possible.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

thesunwillcomeout said:


> Or you could always ask innocently when you see him next, "I noticed your wife is very close with her brother. Wow, that is some kind of hug they give in their family!"


:rofl:

Yeah man, tell that poor bastard about his wife. I live by the golden rule to act with others as i would like them to act towards me. I think anyone would like to know it.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

If I was banging my personal trainer while my husband was out of town, I would want him to know


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I would appreciate it if someone bothered to let me know that there are red flags and that my partner _could _be cheating on me.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> :scratchhead: What are the odds?


There is a chance. It always pays to be diplomatic, take into consideration the shooting the messenger rule someone else mentioned. 

I think an anonymous note is badger-y. 

Asking outright in a neutral manner is the best chance of coming out intact either way, and also not leaving yourself or your family open to retaliation/retribution by the wife or her trainer friend.

Remember that OP is away during the day, and his family is home. You don't want to have to worry about the trainer knocking on more doors than he already is.

Better to keep things in the open but not be too alarming or assuming or judgemental. Being discrete goes a long way. Perhaps if the neighbor wife really is cheating on her H, the way in which that is communicated will tell a lot about the future relationship between OP and his male (and female) neighbor. I'm guessing they each have leases, and moving away from each other would be difficult in the short term.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> There is a chance. It always pays to be diplomatic, take into consideration the shooting the messenger rule someone else mentioned.
> 
> I think an anonymous note is badger-y.
> 
> ...


A guy busting his ass in the hot Texas oil field most likely will not condone his wife getting boned by her personal trainer. Of course, there's always a chance that he's ok with it, but I think what we have here is your classic cake eater.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

*CONVERSATION TEMPLATE:*

_(Crack a beer with the neighbor, switch to airhead dude mode)_

Dude! I'm excited about the Texans this year... It's going to be a great season. We get Shaub and AJ back and Im pretty excited about that rookie we drafted... we should catch a game when your in town...

Hey man, that big meat head that comes over when your out of town... He looks like a football player, saw him wearing a Texans workout shirt last couple times he was here while you were out... Does he have a hook up? Can he get us some tickets you think?

_(That doesn't spark a conversation where he gets the picture or if he starts asing questions move to phase 2)_

Bro! I was gonna say your more man than me... Knowing you'd be out of town and making sure she could have some side action and she wasn't lonely while u were gone would make me all jealous... That's cool as sh*t that your down with that...

_{proceed to play dumb, blank stare (ie; c0ckerspaniel eyes/airhead mode) shut down conversation with Oh F**K dude... I thought you.... OMG, F**K... Hey dude I dont wanna get in your business... My bad man, sh*t.}_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> This would alarm the funk out of me. Granted, I am hypersensitive to red flags and pay very close attention to 'tells' when it comes to moral boundries... But, I dont think I like the idea of my wife telling me to ignore someone being betrayed.


She's seen the size of the personal adulterer, errr... I mean trainer. She might fear for her husband's health.


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## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Well, I would mention it but I'd be open-minded.
> He could very well know about it and condone it, don't assume anything and try to frame your information neutrally just to be sure.


Okay I am away for weeks at a time so I think I will let my wife bang the hot gym instructor..........................Sorry I just had to put some ice on my forehead it just hit my computer desk.


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## Jibril (May 23, 2012)

I HATE _HATE_ *HATE* the "mind your own business," and "don't get involved" attitude people have nowadays. Everything _wrong_ with out society stems from this self-centered and indifferent attitude. This isn't Omertà, guy. You don't need to keep your neighbors wife's secrets, and you're not doing anyone any favors by doing so.

Let's put it this way, Random Man. If your wife was screwing the trainer while you were out of town, would you want your neighbors (who knew what was going on) to tell you?

What's that? You wouldn't? Oh, I see. Carry on then.

_I hope your wife screws the trainer..._


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Jibril said:


> What's that? You wouldn't? Oh, I see. Carry on then.
> 
> _I hope your wife screws the trainer..._


Was this last part really necessary? The guy was just asking for opinions. Saying you hope his wife cheats on him is uncalled for.

C


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

I'm in favor of anonymous message, since they're not your family, friends or acquaintances. At the same time you don't want any inconveniences from a cheater neighbor wife went ballistic.

It's best to give the guy a fair shot at getting the truth, but you don't have to get involved too closely.


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