# What shall i do???



## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Hi
Try to make this difficult situation short as possible. My wife and i have been together for 7 years and married 5, we have 3 kids ..3, 6 and 15(step daughter) we have had problems like most couples in our relationship but a few months ago my wife decided enough was enough and told me she does not love me anymore and told me that she felt like she was going round in circles and needed to get on the straight path and our relationship was over.All her recent friends had split from there partners.I moved out end of october and she soon make changes regarding house and how she looked etc and she better off regarding financially since i left..I did the usual mistakes pleading we can work etc and the useal texts..we then begin getting on ok a few weeks after but she still made it clear that there was no us.
I decided to see a solictor to see where i stood regarding house, i knew that would upset my wife and maybe mess up my xmas with kids but felt like i had to look after myself at that point.So i told her and she reacted as i thought she would and demanded not to see her again and wanteda divorce staright away, we were back and forth with texts for a few weeks not really getting anywhere. She said she never said never to us but now she will never go back and shehas changed as a person and the kids would be happy if we seperated.I don't want a divorce cos i never was angry that she finished our relationship as it would never have made me change as a person at looked at all my wrongs in the relationship..I really do this can work but i understand i cannot make her love me again.Whilst this was going on i found out she had dated a month after the split with someone for a couple of dates.She told me she wasn't seeing him anymore but i am not enterelly sure but end of day i can't do anything about it.We agreed on a fiqure when she sells the house if i give her the divorce asap as she wants a clean break and eventually move on..A couple of weeks i sent her an email asking her to reconsider the divorce for at least 6 months as people and feelings do change and i want to consider the kids.She is niave to think the kids are happier as i have my 6 year old asking me to come home every week.Regards to kids i have never used them as pawns if anything we have got closer as mum is working long hours and not spending much time with the boys.Also in the email i also said if she still wants the divorce asap i will sign it and could we just get along for xmas for kids sake and talk about it after xmas. Anyway a few days before xmas we embraced in a hug and told each other we missed each other( even though my "i miss you" is different to hers)
We had a lovely xmas day even though i had to leave in the afternoon and got a message later from her "This morning has been lovely please don't underestimate how hard it was you leaving"
Another false hope. anyway so since then we have got on well in each others company( she even added me back to whatsapp after deleting me. My problem now is shall i give her space now like she asked for a while ago, limited contact just discuss kids and get on with my life too ( i did write a short letter explaining i had a lovely xmas and i was sorry for everything that happend a few months ago and i shoud repect her decison to give her space and if she still wants a divorce i will sign it) I haven't giving her the letter..Do i? Or shall i just play it cool and drop kids off and keep it friendly and see what happens? I am not mentioning anything about us anymore etc ....Is my relationship dead? Do you think i can stop divorce?? Help anyone just some insight be great.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I am not sure what circumstances that she left...what was her reason to you?

She seems to have moved on but perhaps isn't really connected to anyone else yet-just dating/looking.

Either way, it would suit you to focus on your confidence and well-being. That will help you either way, even if it doesn't work out between you and your wife. 

You may want to come to some sort of separation agreement with finances/custody. Otherwise, you may run the risk of being manipulated if she thinks you have "hope."


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Her reasons for it being over is we have been trying to fix our relationship for years and she is finally done and no longer in love with me.If i don't accept her financial offer and a quick divorce then she will file for a formal seperation but then get solictors involved and go for half my pension etc. Rather agree then to keep dragging it on and the posibility of it getting nasty with kids involved.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

what did your solicitor say ? unless you are an unfit parent she can not under restrict access to your children..she may be buffing ? don't play her games protect yourself. and she can only go after that amount of difference in pension after you were married not before.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Kids not a problem regarding the wife, always been good when it comes to them.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Hold off on the letter for now.

I wouldn't read too much into the texts on Christmas.

You guys are separated and she is out dating other guys. 

Even if the first round of dates wasn't exactly what she expected, do you think that you can handle sitting around waiting on her to return to you after test riding these other dudes? 

Are you comfortable being Plan B? If so, for how long?


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Hi, I Decided to write her a letter as i won't get the chance to say it all to her face. I know its along shot as i'm pretty sure relationship is dead .I was gonna give her space and start getting on with my lifefrom tomorrow so i have nothing to lose.Ps i also mentioned i won't be plan b if the space she wants involves dating!


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

Sounds like she wanted her cake and to eat it too honestly. Like the separation could be because she wanted space and time to date others and hang out with her newly single girlfriends and she gives you false hope so that you keep giving her attention or so you don't go out and date other people either. It's like she wants a new life but wants you hanging on a thread. I also think it's crap what she said about the kids. I do not think the kids would be happier without you. Document everything the children say to you and when because if the divorce does happen and she tries to bring that up again you have documentation. I am not sure if there is a way to stop a divorce unless she actively wants to stop it herself. You can offer marriage counseling to her, leave her alone and don't be romantic or affectionate at all towards her. Treat her civially but don't send her sweet texts or flowers. If she tries to offer you false hope, simply ignore it or tell her it is inappropriate to talk to you like that. Do the 180. She will either come around and see what she lost or walk away.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

DanielleBennett said:


> Sounds like she wanted her cake and to eat it too honestly. Like the separation could be because she wanted space and time to date others and hang out with her newly single girlfriends and she gives you false hope so that you keep giving her attention or so you don't go out and date other people either. It's like she wants a new life but wants you hanging on a thread. I also think it's crap what she said about the kids. I do not think the kids would be happier without you. Document everything the children say to you and when because if the divorce does happen and she tries to bring that up again you have documentation. I am not sure if there is a way to stop a divorce unless she actively wants to stop it herself. You can offer marriage counseling to her, leave her alone and don't be romantic or affectionate at all towards her. Treat her civially but don't send her sweet texts or flowers. If she tries to offer you false hope, simply ignore it or tell her it is inappropriate to talk to you like that. Do the 180. She will either come around and see what she lost or walk away.


I think her friends haven't helped as they all split up with there partners around same time , if they were with there partners they may have encouraged her to try to fix the marriage ( i hope they would). I will wait and see if she proceeds with the divorce..she said she wasn't contemplating that before i said i would go for half the equilty of house..So i think its mostly about getting a settlement now so i don't go for more in future etc.I gave her the letter so i know she has read it but hasn't brought it up and the texts between us are regarding the kids nothing else. I dropped off the kids yesterday, first time since i gave her the letter regarding space between us..and i did just that dropped them off and was just being polite and civil nothing else...it's going to hard but need to do this to see if she does walk away etc..regarding false hope i have told her in the past...Actions speak louder then words...backup your resentment or jog on!


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

HGL,

One thing we see often is the reluctance of men to hold their women accountable. Perhaps they believe this is "strong" or "manly" to take the entire blame, but it's nothing of the kind. It's a coward's way out.

She's made these decisions and her behavior on Christmas is your first glimpse that - perhaps (big shock) - her impetuous stupid behavior isn't going to work out for her. So, she wants to leave the door cracked open in case she founders on the rocks.

HGL - grab a clue. Anyone who functions as this sort of "Plan B" ends up walking on eggshells during the "reconciliation" and the partner that walked on you before will walk on you again - once she sees something that "interests" her.

Your job now is to be swift and decisive. She's an adult. Let the consequences of her decisions fall on her hard. Financial insecurity? Lack of a partner's childcare? Oh, who could have foreseen this? The consequences of this sort of betrayal aren't pretty and hanging around to make sure she gets a soft landing when she crashes is suicide for your relationship.

A "real" reconciliation will come when it's her idea. Because, then it will be a "good" idea, as opposed to one of yours.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Your STBXW is showing you who she really is..... believe her!

Give this defiant person exactly what she wants.... it rarely ever turns out as they had planned.

Are you in IC? When is the last time you went to the gym?


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

ReturntoZero said:


> HGL,
> 
> One thing we see often is the reluctance of men to hold their women accountable. Perhaps they believe this is "strong" or "manly" to take the entire blame, but it's nothing of the kind. It's a coward's way out.
> 
> ...


Hi i am new too this these forums so what does HGL mean first?I have taken my fair share of blame why our relationship has broken done and what i could and should have done in all those years i was niave etc.Hence why i want to try again and offered her some space and yes she may come back on eggshells etc but in the meantime i need to find some space and get on with my life so cannot guarentee i will be still around. I agree with your suggestion about her good idea thats why i put in the letter i will not be pursuing etc I am prepared to her and to give her the divorce cos she called it out and said she still wants it so i will give it is a mistakeshe can live with that.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> Your STBXW is showing you who she really is..... believe her!
> 
> Give this defiant person exactly what she wants.... it rarely ever turns out as they had planned.
> 
> Are you in IC? When is the last time you went to the gym?


Right as i said i am new to this lingo so help us out lol what does STBXW and IC mean? and i have been hitting the gym ever since we split and happy with results:smile2:


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## jingle_jangle (Jan 2, 2016)

happygolucky77, one piece of advice to husbands that I have always heard from those who have gone through a divorce settlement is to 'never leave the family home'. Why did you do that?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html

ic-individual counseling

HGL is shorthand for your handle


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Can you be more specific about the nature of your marital problems? You've said nothing besides having to fix issues but nobody can give you good advice without understanding what's going on. 

So please provide specifics regarding your marital issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Hi i am new too this these forums so what does HGL mean first?I have taken my fair share of blame why our relationship has broken done and what i could and should have done in all those years i was niave etc.Hence why i want to try again and offered her some space and yes she may come back on eggshells etc but in the meantime i need to find some space and get on with my life so cannot guarentee i will be still around. I agree with your suggestion about her good idea thats why i put in the letter i will not be pursuing etc I am prepared to her and to give her the divorce cos she called it out and said she still wants it so i will give it is a mistakeshe can live with that.


Quit talking to her about the relationship - cold turkey.

Hard stop.

No emails. No texts. No talking.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

jingle_jangle said:


> happygolucky77, one piece of advice to husbands that I have always heard from those who have gone through a divorce settlement is to 'never leave the family home'. Why did you do that?


I left the home because there was a bad atmoshere and i didn't want it affecting the kids so did the right thing by them.And i knew it was my only way to save money whilst at my parents to get a place myself.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> Can you be more specific about the nature of your marital problems? You've said nothing besides having to fix issues but nobody can give you good advice without understanding what's going on.
> 
> So please provide specifics regarding your marital issues.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We have had issues through the 7 years together where we have a few good months then gets rough and but I know i have been insecure , needy and suffer a little anxiety at times..Sex was a major issue as she had a very low sex drive and that caused a few problems, took a while to adjust and to accept that but maybe too late..We were both to blame to failed relationship..i was always open and honest and always happy to talk things over but her not so...but it was that she felt like we were going round in circles and she jsut wants to get on the straight path..I should have done more trying to fix things about me but said i would at times but never did.Until it takes a major break up that i have decided to change..for me as i need to believe it first..I never disagreed with the break up as it was hard..Just a shame it has got to this for me to realise what i have lost.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

If your home is in both names..... MOVE BACK IN TONIGHT

I don't care if she is entertaining friends or even another guy.

Walk your arse in, say "Hi honey.... what's for dinner?"

And get to 50k immediately.

Set your boundaries and be NC except for kids


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/32002-welcome-tam-cwi-newbies-please-read.html
> 
> ic-individual counseling
> 
> HGL is shorthand for your handle


thanks for heads up on the link


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> We have had issues through the 7 years together where we have a few good months then gets rough and but I know i have been insecure , needy and suffer a little anxiety at times..Sex was a major issue as she had a very low sex drive and that caused a few problems, took a while to adjust and to accept that but maybe too late..We were both to blame to failed relationship..i was always open and honest and always happy to talk things over but her not so...but it was that she felt like we were going round in circles and she jsut wants to get on the straight path..I should have done more trying to fix things about me but said i would at times but never did.Until it takes a major break up that i have decided to change..for me as i need to believe it first..I never disagreed with the break up as it was hard..Just a shame it has got to this for me to realise what i have lost.


In other words, you demonstrated emotional weakness and she lost respect for you.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

happygolucky77 said:


> We have had issues through the 7 years together where we have a few good months then gets rough and but I know i have been insecure , needy and suffer a little anxiety at times..Sex was a major issue as she had a very low sex drive and that caused a few problems, took a while to adjust and to accept that but maybe too late..We were both to blame to failed relationship..i was always open and honest and always happy to talk things over but her not so...but it was that she felt like we were going round in circles and she jsut wants to get on the straight path..I should have done more trying to fix things about me but said i would at times but never did.Until it takes a major break up that i have decided to change..for me as i need to believe it first..I never disagreed with the break up as it was hard..Just a shame it has got to this for me to realise what i have lost.


The breakdown was the fault of BOTH of you. OWN your part of it. If not, you will repeat it.

If she refuses to own her end, that is HER problem.

The time is to focus on you. Did you do many #3s for her?


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

ReturntoZero said:


> In other words, you demonstrated emotional weakness and she lost respect for you.


^^ This


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Immediately do "the 180," procure and read  No More Mr. Nice Guy  by Dr. Robert Glover, and proceed to your local barristers office to do an exploratory on what your rights are and for advise on filing for divorce and possible child custody!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glover_-_No_More_Mr_Nice_Guy.pdf


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

ReturntoZero said:


> Quit talking to her about the relationship - cold turkey.
> 
> Hard stop.
> 
> No emails. No texts. No talking.


No talking about relationship i can do, emails fine..But i have to have contact because of kids.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> The breakdown was the fault of BOTH of you. OWN your part of it. If not, you will repeat it.
> 
> If she refuses to own her end, that is HER problem.
> 
> The time is to focus on you. Did you do many #3s for her?


I have taken my fair share of blame and will learn from that in future relationships, she has said she has taken the blame too but has she really who knows? Couldn't find what #3s meant sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

spotthedeaddog said:


> ^^ This


Probably true and that's why I can't repeat that again. But glad people like you tell me that because it helps me in the long run. I can't change over night it's going to take time before I could think of going back if it got to that stage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Probably true and that's why I can't repeat that again. But glad people like you tell me that because it helps me in the long run. I can't change over night it's going to take time before I could think of going back if it got to that stage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In the day to day grind and everyday challenges and familiarity it is easy to go for appeasement, and make the mistake that it should garner respect.

We have respect when we meet and date, and praise with word and posture our mate.

But when we're together normally that disappears in the daily grind.
Like Uncle George says about "our highlights reel", during dating that's what we have - even during all the _new-ness_ stages of engagement and marriage we have things to achieve and celebrate.

But as time passes, we settle into appeasement and ignoring, it's the mistakes and shortages we can't help but notice, and stumble over every day.
It makes it hard to make your partner someone to celebrate, and for them to celebrate you....a hundred daily little nuisances. Where's the excitement and romance in that? But real humans aren't the David Grey (50shades) billionaires that can chart planes and do industry power lunches with celebrities every day (and we see what happens to those who try!).

So we try to do little things and hope they're rewarded... but no, they are not things which should be rewarded - they things which both parties should do... so when you bend and grovel further, does that make you someone attractive to respect? NO. Do you _really_ think you'd look _up_ to someone acting like that? NO, so why would your partner.

You have to step out and rebuild yourself into someone you both respect ...or eventually you will drift apart, one moving onto a new life, the other with a gaping wound in what's left of their life.
I got the latter, with luck you will create the _respect_ your partner, or future partner will want (and not just grovel for appeasement)


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

happygolucky77 said:


> I have taken my fair share of blame and will learn from that in future relationships, she has said she has taken the blame too but has she really who knows? Couldn't find what #3s meant sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In DeMello's Awareness.... he states a #1 as doing / buying something for yourself.... a new shirt, tool set.

A #2 is doing something for others and expecting nothing in return... charity, volunteering.

A #3 is when you do something for someone and expect a reaction... when you do not get the reaction one desired, 

you get angry and upset. Say you buy your spouse a necklace and that person's response doesn't seem to

"match what you were expecting" and you throw a fit.

That is why a #3 is very unhealthy. You place your well-being and happiness in the hands of others.

Real life example.... guy (former TAMer) buys his g/f a sweater for Christmas. She gets upset.... the sweater

was one size too small. She bemoans he wants her to lose weight, this was why it is too small.

He starts to apologize immediately...... 

HGL.... Awareness is a spiritual essay. It is widely used in religious circles.

Below is a PDF link to Awareness. I also want to add a couple links.... they're from TAM.... War Stories and The

Weeds of Codependence. 

http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvin...yawareness.pdf

War Stories


The Weeds of Codependence


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> In DeMello's Awareness.... he states a #1 as doing / buying something for yourself.... a new shirt, tool set.
> 
> A #2 is doing something for others and expecting nothing in return... charity, volunteering.
> 
> ...


Chuck you have maybe hit the nail on the head with #3 there had been times like that.. I wish I read this when I was in my relationship then now. Yes it will help in next one but don't think I will get the chance to do it with my wife now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> If your home is in both names..... MOVE BACK IN TONIGHT
> 
> I don't care if she is entertaining friends or even another guy.
> 
> ...


House is in her name because dad bought it for her.. I have thought that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

arbitrator said:


> *Immediately do "the 180," procure and read  No More Mr. Nice Guy  by Dr. Robert Glover, and proceed to your local barristers office to do an exploratory on what your rights are and for advise on filing for divorce and possible child custody!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Reading this now I never thought I was a too Mr nice guy and not a bad boy either but just reading some of this has made me think differently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Many women can't stand emotional weakness. When you show a vulnerability in your shields, don't be surprised when a woman fires quantum torpedoes at it and watches the results.

She is subconsciously testing you for firmness and you've been a disappointment. I'm not excusing her behavior, but this is how many women subconsciously or consciously process the integrity, stability, and reliability of their partners.

You need to do some real work on yourself to gain any respect back that she's lost for you. Don't make it about impressing her, make it 100% about your personal improvement, for no other reason than for improving YOU.

She'll be as disrespectful to you as you allow, so if she gets unruly or unfair you put your foot down. You're still a human being that deserves at basic minimum, the same amount of respect she may pay a coworker or another family member.

You called her bluff and her head went spinning. She wasn't anticipating that. Seems like she was trying to threaten you to get a reaction. That's very immature of her. I'd say, keep on the swift and clean path to divorce, move back into the house if it's partly yours, see a lawyer, get your ducks in a row, and give her what she wants.

Take the opportunity to learn and improve yourself.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

When you stop giving a damn about her is when she starts to give a damn about you.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> In DeMello's Awareness.... he states a #1 as doing / buying something for yourself.... a new shirt, tool set.
> 
> A #2 is doing something for others and expecting nothing in return... charity, volunteering.
> 
> ...


Link didn't work!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

http://www.arvindguptatoys.com/arvindgupta/tonyawareness.pdf

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18347-fitness-tests.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/155305-weeds-codependence.html

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/69908-war-stories.html


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

She put this as her profile picture on WhatsApp today after I blocked her and kept up the 180 

Be careful with your words once said they can only be forgiven not forgotten.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Something tells me she doesn't like what I wrote or the way I have been short and sweet with her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

happygolucky77 said:


> She put this as her profile picture on WhatsApp today after I blocked her and kept up the 180
> 
> Be careful with your words once said they can only be forgiven not forgotten.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


GET THE FOCUS OFF OF HER

You will be in doormat / limbo if you don't.

Her actions say a lot about her and nothing about you.

Define who you are. Join a gym, jog / walk, do a #1 and buy yourself a suit, get a new haircut,

if you shave daily, grow a beard... if you have a beard.... shave it.

It's time to discover the new you


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Something tells me she doesn't like what I wrote or the way I have been short and sweet with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Every post you write tells us more about her and what she's doing.

Do you realize this?

What are YOU doing?


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

ReturntoZero said:


> Every post you write tells us more about her and what she's doing.
> 
> Do you realize this?
> 
> What are YOU doing?


I know I so angry with myself.. You guys keep me focused.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Also just a bit miffed because I do still love my wife and haven't said anything other then the letter... Now she wrote this.. Not 100% sure what it implies or means.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Also just a bit miffed because I do still love my wife and haven't said anything other then the letter... Now she wrote this.. Not 100% sure what it implies or means.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Still focusing on her

Do you have a therapist?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

You may want to do a tad of investigating to see if she is dating. Whose name are the phones in?

Credit cards? Do you have access to any of her social media accounts?

Whether you want her back or not and if she wants to come back or not, YOU have to focus on YOU.

If she wants a D, file for D today! Have her served.

You want a response from her? You will definitely get one when she is served.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> You may want to do a tad of investigating to see if she is dating. Whose name are the phones in?
> 
> Credit cards? Do you have access to any of her social media accounts?
> 
> ...


Listened to people's advice now and I can't be playing guessing game anymore so I have told her no more BS and I want to know where I stand and going to ask her if she is still seeing the person who she was dating cause I think she is, if I get the answers I'm expecting then I will demand a divorce asap and then at least I can really focus on me. She has agreed to talk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

She's told you where you stand.............. she wants a D. File for it. TODAY....

You can stop it at any time. As RTZ said she has lost respect for you. Want to know how to get it back?

File for D. Matter of fact, YOU serve her the papers. Postpone the talk until you have filed.

HGL...... by filing for D.... yes you will pi$$ her off but I guarantee you... she will have more respect for you

for doing so.

Right now she sees you as a snot nosed weak man begging her to stay


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

happygolucky77 said:


> Also just a bit miffed because I do still love my wife and haven't said anything other then the letter... Now she wrote this.. Not 100% sure what it implies or means.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does it really matter? It means what she thinks it means. 
Why should the meaning stop you from doing what you need to do?


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Right i went against my advice and decided not to see her.. I just sent her a saying i am not going to be a plan b to anything whilst you go dating or see if the grass is greener on the otherside.You made the decision to break up the family and hope it works out well for you.You put a quote out be careful with your words once said can only be forgiven not forgotten..well i listened you wanted a divorce asap after xmas.Get it ready and i will sign it for you no more games or bull****. I wish you well in the future.

She wants to sit down and talk rather then text, told her do it tonight so i can get on with my life asap..Too tired can we arrange another time..


NOPE! I know she wants closure face to face as she think itsthe right thing to do and she won't tell me about any other guy on text.
For her benefit not mine.

Had enough of her ****.

I didn't want to hear that from her but I needed to hear it from her and now I can finally let go of any hope... Next step.. Moving on. 

Thank you guys and gals your input has helped me immensely it truly has..


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Right i went against my advice and decided not to see her.. I just sent her a saying i am not going to be a plan b to anything whilst you go dating or see if the grass is greener on the otherside.You made the decision to break up the family and hope it works out well for you.You put a quote out be careful with your words once said can only be forgiven not forgotten..well i listened you wanted a divorce asap after xmas.Get it ready and i will sign it for you no more games or bull****. I wish you well in the future.
> 
> She wants to sit down and talk rather then text, told her do it tonight so i can get on with my life asap..Too tired can we arrange another time..
> 
> ...


Stop talking to her


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> Your STBXW is showing you who she really is..... believe her!


This was similar to some of the best advice I have ever gotten.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Something tells me she doesn't like what I wrote or the way I have been short and sweet with her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Stop reading into everything she does.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Also just a bit miffed because I do still love my wife and haven't said anything other then the letter... Now she wrote this.. Not 100% sure what it implies or means.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Let it goooo, let it goooooooo! *singing*


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Right i went against my advice and decided not to see her.. I just sent her a saying i am not going to be a plan b to anything whilst you go dating or see if the grass is greener on the otherside.You made the decision to break up the family and hope it works out well for you.You put a quote out be careful with your words once said can only be forgiven not forgotten..well i listened you wanted a divorce asap after xmas.Get it ready and i will sign it for you no more games or bull****. I wish you well in the future.
> 
> She wants to sit down and talk rather then text, told her do it tonight so i can get on with my life asap..Too tired can we arrange another time...


Next time, move on without texting her first and telling her you've been stalking her profile.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Right I have listened to you guys and I know I'm a mug but I have a young family I tried my best to keep together and it had failed. I have to accept decision now but I am glad at least I tried even if she didn't. We are going to meet to sort out divorce proceedings and what to agree regarding kids etc.. So that will seal the deal.. 
Thank you for all your advice as harsh as it seems, I did take on a lot of it even though it may not seem so. I will continue to use the site to help move on..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Right I have listened to you guys and I know I'm a mug but I have a young family I tried my best to keep together and it had failed. I have to accept decision now but I am glad at least I tried even if she didn't. We are going to meet to sort out divorce proceedings and what to agree regarding kids etc.. So that will seal the deal..
> Thank you for all your advice as harsh as it seems, I did take on a lot of it even though it may not seem so. I will continue to use the site to help move on..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Don't beat yourself up. Just hit the "pause" button when emotions overwhelm you into "doing something"

Sometimes the best thing to do is "nothing". Buddhists call it "turning towards stillness". It's a sign of emotional maturity.

What I can tell you is this - from experience - the more emotionally mature you become, the more attractive you will be. It's one of the laws of nature. Forgive me for the analogy.

I now have a 1 year old puppy. He's a combination pit bull and Labrador - best of both breeds. He's loving and he retrieves like a champion. Catches frisbees as well as tennis balls. He can even go back on it and catch it on the fly (in his mouth) over his shoulder.

There are times when he's not as "into it" when we play.

He may sit down or gnaw at the tennis ball and stretch out. I immediately turn to leave. Before I get to the back door, he's right in front of me with the ball in his mouth ready to play.

Think about it.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So did you read No More Mr Nice Guy, or not?

And did you get a therapist for yourself so you can learn to stop being needy and insecure?

Finally, you may want to consider asking your friends to set you up on a blind date, the news of which should somehow get back to your wife. Sounds to me like she's just bored and annoyed with you but still has feelings. The #1 way to get a wife to want her husband back in situations like this is for her to see some OTHER woman wanting to go out with you. It's instinctive.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

To give an example of what Turnera stated..... I had my 1st love (HS sweetheart) and 2nd love (college sweetheart).

Each time we had a break-up. Each time I did the begging and pleading.... I didn't know better.

Neither time did it work. Each time... I did my boo-hoos and moved on with my life. Each time.... I met someone 

and started to feel something with each. Guess what happened?

Each time my ex's came charging after me like a freight train. Each time I went back to the ex gf.

It never was the same with either but the point is.... when women see their man out with another woman....

it doesn't matter what she looks like.... she will be as jealous as a cat looking into a milk factory.

If you have a female friend / co-worker who is single and knows your situation.... ask them out on

a friend date. Nothing physical... maybe innocent hand holding at the most.

HGL .... here's the deal..... your W does not have to see you out with this woman. Woman just know.... they have 

a radar guys don't. Trust me.... I've been there


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Right I have listened to you guys and I know I'm a mug but I have a young family I tried my best to keep together and it had failed. I have to accept decision now but I am glad at least I tried even if she didn't. We are going to meet to sort out divorce proceedings and what to agree regarding kids etc.. So that will seal the deal..
> Thank you for all your advice as harsh as it seems, I did take on a lot of it even though it may not seem so. I will continue to use the site to help move on..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What will help you most is to understand that you have no control over what she does. Everything you do that is aimed at bringing her back will probably backfire. You need to focus on you and your kids. That's where your world should begin and end right now, avoid contact with her unless she is reaching out to you. If she does, do not be angry or needy or bring up anything that would tell her you are keeping tabs on her. It is human nature to want what we can't have. Think of your kids with a new toy, for five minutes they are all over then it joins all the old ones in the bin. As long as she knows you are a puppet on her string, she will have no desire to play with you.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Right i'll give you an update..

We met as discused about the divorce.
We talked in a neutreal place and i laid it on to her that my marriage means alot.But i need to be happy to and in a happy place and i won't go back into that relationship as it had alot of problems. I told her i will be getting on with my life and sorting my s**t out for me and no one else and learning from my mistakes from this relationship and my kids are my priority too. I told her i won't be chasing her etc anymore but if she wants to get to know me again slowly in whatever amount of time down the line and (thats if i haven't met anyone etc)maybe discuss us again and is willing to talk about past mistakes and if we get close enough(maybe falling in love again) then it will only work if we are 100% committed as i won't go back and within a few months time it falls apart again and affects the kids..if we don't accept each other etc whilst we get to know each other again we part ways..But by then i should hopefully have a good mind set and already have dated and got my confidence back etc and it be far easier to let go. So i told her to carry on what she is doing and i will get on with my life and sort a place out etc so i said we can come to an agreement regarding settlement fee (as discussed) children set days etc and get it done officailly and leave divorce for now or if she still wants a divorce i will sign it straight away.I left it for her to decide, i think she was taken back by what i said. She opened up and about her dates with certain person , it sounded like a rebound relationship..she was honest about alot of things that suprised me, she told me that she hasn't slept with anyone..I doubted that in my head but end of day i can't prove it and we are single so no point worrying about it. She joked about ringing me up for sex but i think she was also suprised by my reaction..I don't do ex sex and i aint have your cake or a plan b fall guy so don't waste your time. We hugged it out and said our goodbyes..We won't be friends for a long while but i will always be civil and happy round her even if i have to fake it till i make it..It gave me a breath of fresh air as it was a release of some sort so i need to finally move on and what will be will be..Thank you guys for all the advice:smile2:


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

turnera said:


> So did you read No More Mr Nice Guy, or not?
> 
> And did you get a therapist for yourself so you can learn to stop being needy and insecure?
> 
> Finally, you may want to consider asking your friends to set you up on a blind date, the news of which should somehow get back to your wife. Sounds to me like she's just bored and annoyed with you but still has feelings. The #1 way to get a wife to want her husband back in situations like this is for her to see some OTHER woman wanting to go out with you. It's instinctive.


I'm reading it right now, she knows that i am confident and also have looks (believe it or not) so she knows once i feel better in myself i probably will be dating.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Now it's time to work on you..... and "stand still" with your W

Observe what she does at 50k feet

This should be your next read..... Hold on to your N.U.T.S.

http://www.amazon.com/Hold-Your-NUTs-Relationship-Manual/dp/0979054400


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

happygolucky77 said:


> I'm reading it right now, she knows that i am confident and also have looks (believe it or not) so she knows once i feel better in myself i probably will be dating.


That's not the same thing. 

She needs to HEAR about you going out on a date. Trust me.

And her 'knowing you are confident and have looks' is FAR far away from you ACTING needy and secure.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

turnera said:


> That's not the same thing.
> 
> She needs to HEAR about you going out on a date. Trust me.
> 
> And her 'knowing you are confident and have looks' is FAR far away from you ACTING needy and secure.



No its not but it's only been a day...i can work fast but not that fast lol
Workingon the other bits..Rome wasn't built in a day :grin2:


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> But i need to be happy to and in a happy place and i won't go back into that relationship as it had alot of problems.


This is good.



happygolucky77 said:


> I told her i will be getting on with my life and sorting my s**t out for me and no one else and learning from my mistakes from this relationship and my kids are my priority too.


This is good.



happygolucky77 said:


> I told her i won't be chasing her etc anymore but if she wants to get to know me again slowly in whatever amount of time down the line and (thats if i haven't met anyone etc)maybe discuss us again and is willing to talk about past mistakes and if we get close enough(maybe falling in love again) then it will only work if we are 100% committed as i won't go back and within a few months time it falls apart again and affects the kids..if we don't accept each other etc whilst we get to know each other again we part ways..


This is not so good. Say less, do more. Don't fill her on your plans. By repeatedly saying 'if I haven't met someone else' we all know (and she does too) that you are trying scare her into getting back with you.



happygolucky77 said:


> But by then i should hopefully have a good mind set and already have dated and got my confidence back etc and it be far easier to let go.


Don't talk to her about your self-esteem issues. 


happygolucky77 said:


> So i told her to carry on what she is doing and i will get on with my life and sort a place out etc so i said we can come to an agreement regarding settlement fee (as discussed) children set days etc and get it done officailly and leave divorce for now or if she still wants a divorce i will sign it straight away.I left it for her to decide, i think she was taken back by what i said.


Not good, you are still leaving the power and control over _your_ life in _her_ hands. You will not get out from under her thumb unless you take back your power.



happygolucky77 said:


> She opened up and about her dates with certain person , it sounded like a rebound relationship..she was honest about alot of things that suprised me, she told me that she hasn't slept with anyone..I doubted that in my head but end of day i can't prove it and we are single so no point worrying about it.


Awesome, like two gal pals hamming it up on a GNO. 



happygolucky77 said:


> She joked about ringing me up for sex but i think she was also suprised by my reaction..I don't do ex sex and i aint have your cake or a plan b fall guy so don't waste your time. We hugged it out and said our goodbyes..We won't be friends for a long while but i will always be civil and happy round her even if i have to fake it till i make it..It gave me a breath of fresh air as it was a release of some sort so i need to finally move on and what will be will be..Thank you guys for all the advice:smile2:


You are making some progress, grasshopper, but the student is not yet the teacher.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

True story....

My wife wanted to talk to me. Yes, the same wife that left me and told me she wanted to divorce immediately.

I took her at a word. I was socializing with a former model - a delightful 40 something blonde. We were at dinner at a Japanese steakhouse and when my phone started blowing up, I excused myself - answered my estranged wife's "spokesman" (long story) and told him I was turning off my phone.

The dinner was wonderful. My wife had removed many items from our home and they were "who knows where". I certainly didn't care. I had some empty rooms and invited my friend (who had impeccable taste) back to my place to help me with decorating ideas.

Again, no nefarious intent. We were having a blast.

We entered the house and my wife was hiding in the shadows. Her car was parked several blocks away. She presented herself and we said hello. My date approached her, hand extended and introduced herself. My wife told me she needed to talk. I said we "would talk", but I had to take my date home. It was a 90 minute round trip. I'm skipping a bit here as my wife was demanding to talk "now". I shooed her away and told her we can talk when I got back - no rush.

I kept my phone off.

When I returned, we had some of the most incredible hysterical bonding anyone has ever experienced. I confessed to my wife that I loved her and if she finally wanted to work on the relationship as equals, that I was game.

When I turned my phone back on, there may have been 250 texts lined up to the satellite and back. We had some of the most passionate incredible days of our relationship for nearly an entire week. She confessed that she was never a fully committed partner and finally saw it. We even went and told her parents that we were "back" together.

I was at 50 thousand feet, but I was thrilled. Gradually over the next several days, she pulled me back in and then asked me if she could move back in with her kids. I told her I would like nothing better. Then the bomb dropped. She wanted me to move out while she "prepared the kids" for my return.

Idiot that I was, I bought it. And, my therapist was of little help. I got all the excuses about "people need time" and my therapist believed my wife was sincere. My TAM confidante told me when I agreed to this arrangement that "I'd been played"

Was she EVER right.

I was so hoping that "this was it"

As long as you are hoping that your original dreams for the relationship are now on track and that your vindication is at hand? Well, let me just say, I could not pity you more.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Lilac23 said:


> This is good.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

ReturntoZero said:


> True story....
> 
> My wife wanted to talk to me. Yes, the same wife that left me and told me she wanted to divorce immediately.
> 
> ...


I need to work on myself and concentrate on all the mistakes I made and learn from them. I couldn't bring that back into any relationship not just with my wife'.but would I go back in a heartbeat or within a week like you wrote? No because it happened before and I was back out within a week.. So I have learnt from that. I'm not waiting for her.. If I meet someone and we click then that's what I will concentrate on.. I know my wife wants her cake and I know she is thinking about her happiness more then our kids right now.. Will she crash and burn? Who knows.. I just know now that I need my self esteem back and my dignity. And I will not let her take that no matter how hard or weak I may be. You lot are making me feel that way.  

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Whatever I do I am making small mistakes and could be costly. The day after I met I felt some self esteem back, I haven't contacted her and will continue to do "tough love" yes I feel that she may have me still in some way while she could go dating still. I need to spread my wings and have to decided to go dating if opportunity arrives. Because regardless what I told her, if she thinks I'm waiting for her because she think I used a scare tactic then it's her choice because trust me I'm not. I was going to ask her next week regarding decision on divorce..tell her if she plans to carry on dating then the divorce needs to happen now..of she wants some space to see regarding us then I will listen.?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

How about just filing and let her convince you to stop the process...or to not stop the process.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> I need to work on myself and concentrate on all the mistakes I made and learn from them. I couldn't bring that back into any relationship not just with my wife'.but would I go back in a heartbeat or within a week like you wrote? No because it happened before and I was back out within a week.. So I have learnt from that. I'm not waiting for her.. If I meet someone and we click then that's what I will concentrate on.. I know my wife wants her cake and I know she is thinking about her happiness more then our kids right now.. Will she crash and burn? Who knows.. I just know now that I need my self esteem back and my dignity. And I will not let her take that no matter how hard or weak I may be. You lot are making me feel that way.
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Remind me... are you in therapy?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

ReturntoZero said:


> We entered the house and my wife was hiding in the shadows. Her car was parked several blocks away. She presented herself and we said hello. My date approached her, hand extended and introduced herself. My wife told me she needed to talk. I said we "would talk", but I had to take my date home. It was a 90 minute round trip. I'm skipping a bit here as my wife was demanding to talk "now". I shooed her away and told her we can talk when I got back - no rush.
> 
> I kept my phone off.
> 
> When I returned, we had some of the most incredible hysterical bonding anyone has ever experienced.


I'm telling ya...

All it takes is for a woman to see you with another woman. It's instinctual.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Right guys, i know you are trying to help me but i am trying my best, i felt alright for first time yesterday but now i feel crap because of "did i do the right thing"
Basically when i spoke about how i felt ,it was true i would love to rebuild my marriage etc but i won't be hanging around.I mentioned the divorce or to rethink it because of this and wasn't too happy about the dating..As much as it may have not been as clear cut..I was saying i.e if you want some time to think about us , no dating then reconsider for now..If you want to date guys and see whats out there then divorce and i will sign it now . It has only been a day and half since i said it, she asked for time to think about it ( i don't expect longer then a week)so i said yes because it is a big risk again..we have had alot of problems of late and through the years, just of late i have done everything wrong..the pleading, neediness etc etc..so yes i expect her to be cautious, so now i am doing the 180 and stopping the neediness and working on my self asteem and looking at IC , reading the booksyou lot suggested because why would she go back so quickly ...actions speak louder then words.
To be honest i am suprised i have got to this stage considering how crap its been in the last few months. 
So yes i do make mistakes, would love to file her for divorce to call her bluff..if she says yes i'm also screwed because i am broke whilst trying to find somewhere to live.And living with my parents at the age of 38 is not helping me but it is the only choice i have right now.
Love your advice what to do right now, but i can't see me texting or ringing saying i will file D on you only after a few days..I like to think i wouldsay it after a week if she hasn't decided.Let me know what u think, as much as you lot can be brutal i know it is good advice and you are trying to help and thatis what i need


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

ReturntoZero said:


> Remind me... are you in therapy?


 I am having my first counciling session tonight.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I recommend that you table ALL and ANY talk about relationships right now. Live in the moment. Work on yourself. Get to know yourself, Ask your therapist tonight how to do that.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

turnera said:


> I recommend that you table ALL and ANY talk about relationships right now. Live in the moment. Work on yourself. Get to know yourself, Ask your therapist tonight how to do that.


Hopefully time will tell, I'll watch the signs from a distance but she needs to see my progress too and being happy..
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> I am having my first counciling session tonight.


Don't be bashful. Give us a full report following. We'll help you figure out whether this is a good one or a copay collector.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Yes this bit I went away thinking.. Did I do the right thing. Because she came there to get divorce proceedings done. So I changed her mind to have a think. So is that a bad thing? Yes she is undecided.. But surely that's better then to divorce that I don't want.. So what do you suggest to get power back?_Posted via Mobile Device_


It's bad because you are leaving your fate in her hands, and look, you are already questioning how long she needs 'to think'. Whatever you do, don't contact her and ask if she's done thinking yet! 

Do not contact her unless it is about the kids, text, don't call. Avoid any and all relationship talk unless she brings it up. Get busy, throw yourself into your kids, reconnecting with old friends, your family, workouts, whatever. Avoid her social media, even if you see her commenting on a mutual friend's page, it might be easier if you just block her account. Be unemotional when you speak to her, but pleasant. 

Think of how you would act if you were the one who wanted the breakup. You'd probably want to avoid her as much as possible, correct? So give her what she wants, that's the only way you'll find out if she misses you. She knows you want to work things out, repeating it to her wont have an effect. You need to disappear from her life, except for things about the kids.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Just as Lilac stated, social media can be heartbreaking for people. I looked at my STBXWs page one last time

before I dropped in the rabbit hole. Never looked again until almost a year later. Didn't even have to block it.

Course lol I had mine set to public. Not my problem. Course after I came out of the rabbit hole, I enjoyed the 

games she played. I actually laughed at them. But until you are at that point, DO NOT look.

It's like stabbing yourself in the eye, pulling it out and..... stabbing yourself again.

When you're ready, you'll know it.


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Hopefully time will tell, I'll watch the signs from a distance but she needs to see my progress too and being happy..
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She'll notice it more if you aren't waving it in front of her face.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> Just as Lilac stated, social media can be heartbreaking for people. I looked at my STBXWs page one last time
> 
> before I dropped in the rabbit hole. Never looked again until almost a year later. Didn't even have to block it.
> 
> ...


Social media not a problem.. I blocked her from fb the week after she left me. WhatsApp been deleted. They were the things I knew would not have helped in any way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Right have to see her today because of kids .. Thinking of dropping in the conversation that I'm going on a date tonight. Good idea or bad?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

don't talk....... JUST DO


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Don't talk if it's like 'hey, I'm going on a date tonight.' Do talk if it's like 'hey, does this look good on me? Yeah? Thanks.'

And then LEAVE IT. Let her stew in her curiosity. Let her hear from someone ELSE that you went out.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

One last time...

ARE YOU IN THERAPY?

(I already know you're not)

You need to be.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

ReturntoZero said:


> One last time...
> 
> ARE YOU IN THERAPY?
> 
> ...


Quoted for truth. 

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Right have to see her today because of kids .. Thinking of dropping in the conversation that I'm going on a date tonight. Good idea or bad?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Bad, very bad.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Hi folks don't worry I never said that. Just dropped kids off she did noticed I was dressed up and ready to go out. I've listened to your advice and as much as brutal it is and hurts I know your right. I have given this women far too much respect.. The talk the other day made no difference to her as I found out when I went and got the kids and saw paper work of hers looking at houses twice as much as the one we bought together. I know she is financially better off without me and she has always thought of herself in our relationship. She has played me to a tee. She works so much now that she doesn't spend time with them kids and she can't wait till I get my place so she can a weekend free without kids.. Go figure. But what hurts much is I have lost so much weight due to stress, and my situation that I am living with my parents isn't helping.And she has moved on aged ago and living like a queen and I know deep down she isn't coming back and it's took today to finally realise that. I was going to just give her the divorce she wants and put an end to this but I can't afford it and that's probably wants she wants anyway so she doesn't have to fork out for it. I know I have to do NC to a point(I have kids) I know I have been weak and yes I need therapy (which I can't afford) I know all this what you have all said and it hurts but I know you have my best interests at heart.. But it's hard to let go of someone you love and losing my family.. Please understand how I feel and not be so hard today. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I am guessing the 15 year old is with her all the time since legally she is your step daughter correct? So any custody sharing will only deal with the two youngest correct? When you say she wants a kid free weekend she will always have the 15 year old.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

Xenote said:


> I am guessing the 15 year old is with her all the time since legally she is your step daughter correct? So any custody sharing will only deal with the two youngest correct? When you say she wants a kid free weekend she will always have the 15 year old.


No she will stay with me too. The Ex has made that clear and if they don't they will stay with her mum.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

happygolucky77 said:


> Hi folks don't worry I never said that. Just dropped kids off she did noticed I was dressed up and ready to go out. I've listened to your advice and as much as brutal it is and hurts I know your right. I have given this women far too much respect.. The talk the other day made no difference to her as I found out when I went and got the kids and saw paper work of hers looking at houses twice as much as the one we bought together. I know she is financially better off without me and she has always thought of herself in our relationship. She has played me to a tee. She works so much now that she doesn't spend time with them kids and she can't wait till I get my place so she can a weekend free without kids.. Go figure. But what hurts much is I have lost so much weight due to stress, and my situation that I am living with my parents isn't helping.And she has moved on aged ago and living like a queen and I know deep down she isn't coming back and it's took today to finally realise that. I was going to just give her the divorce she wants and put an end to this but I can't afford it and that's probably wants she wants anyway so she doesn't have to fork out for it. I know I have to do NC to a point(I have kids) I know I have been weak and yes I need therapy (which I can't afford) I know all this what you have all said and it hurts but I know you have my best interests at heart.. But it's hard to let go of someone you love and losing my family.. Please understand how I feel and not be so hard today.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I hope when you get done feeling sorry for yourself that you'll decide to get to work.

(A huge majority of the people that post here have been in exactly the place you currently find yourself)


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

happygolucky77 said:


> No she will stay with me too. The Ex has made that clear and if they don't they will stay with her mum.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What kind of person would do that......what kind of mother would just leave her child with a step parent in a divorce then keep the child herself.....while that speaks volume about you it shine a light on a very self centered person in her, please make sure that financially she supports her needs 100%, I hate to mention that, but I am just thinking of your financially needs going forward. And you need to ensure that the courts are aware of that as well. You may love her as your own and I am glad that she has a strong parent to watch over her, espicially now but legally she is not your responsibility.


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## happygolucky77 (Dec 28, 2015)

ReturntoZero said:


> I hope when you get done feeling sorry for yourself that you'll decide to get to work.
> 
> (A huge majority of the people that post here have been in exactly the place you currently find yourself)


I know, I am seeing a doctor wedsnesday, I rang my work place That offers Counciling ..They have set me up for 3 sessions (maxium free ones) Unfortunately i have to wait ftill the 27th but it's a start.
They also have an organization at my work which offers help, in way of money for a deposit for a place or a voucher to help buy goods for house..So they have put my name forward to that.

So i am listening to you lot and trying..Now to stop feeling sorry for myself.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

In this time of strife, one must be true to themselves

I am a firm believer in not understanding and not accepting

Then you still not understand but accept

Eventually you accept and understand....


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