# This ain't right...



## Hubby321 (Aug 1, 2010)

I mentioned before that I have a 20-yr. old daughter from a previous relationship. Well, daughter was married two days ago by City Hall. My ex (her mother) did not come to the ceremony. Her mother is staying w/her current boyfriend (as I said, she's trying to get a "career" going) but mom and daughter ARE IN THE SAME CITY! She could have easily gotten public transportation to go downtown but when asked why she didn't go to her own daughter's wedding, she stated: "Because I didn't have any money (for the subway)" and her b/f "couldn't (or wouldn't) give her any money for fare." As I said, she's depending too much on this guy to support her, but that's none of my business - the point is, How in the hell do you NOT attend our daughter's wedding? Am I being too overreactive?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

No, alot of people would judge her for this, not just you. It just says alot about a person to "miss" something like that. 

I have a Grandma who didn't come to mine, but she has panic attacks, so I was understanding. There are situations where others may judge harshly but are not taking other things into consideration, in that judging. If the daughter really wanted her to be there, and especially if she promised she would, it would be really hurtful for her. And that is a shame.


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## Hubby321 (Aug 1, 2010)

My daughter did want for her mom to be there. She is VERY upset and hurt. All past occasions (i.e. graduation, labor, birth of grandbaby, etc.0 her mother and I were BOTH there. But for her dad (me) to travel a distance to be there for her wedding - and her mom to not take public transportation a 20-minute ride, that's rather disturbing!


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

This is strangely familiar. I wonder if you have been posting this same story on different boards for years.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It ain't right....in the perfect world. But we aren't living in a perfect world. Did anyone offer her a ride? If someone had offered her a ride and she turned it down, then it's something to get upset about. Otherwise the situation is outside of your control. It's her loss anyway.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

Is the boyfriend extremely controlling, manipulative and/or violent? Maybe he wouldn't let her come. It just sounds off to me if she's always been involved before.


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## Hubby321 (Aug 1, 2010)

I don't know about controlling, but he does manipulate her into thinking she's "going to make a LOT of money". I know he's not violent (she'd wipe up the floor with him!) But she's always been involved w/ our daughter's activities, and now isn't. 827, as far as your question about "offering her a ride", no one where she is has a car OR even offered her anything.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I'll be specific......Did anyone in the little wedding party offer her a ride? Your ex-wife is obviously down on her luck and didn't have the ability to attend the wedding. Many times behavior like this is not only about lack of funds. It is about psychological issues. And those issues stem from the condition one finds themselves in. For example, perhaps she can't afford to have decent clothes or have her hair done. Those things can make a person just not want to go out. And yet, her heart may be breaking because she couldn't attend the wedding. It never hurts to look at a situation through someone else's eyes before rushing to anger or judgment. Please don't feel I'm being harsh here. I'm now finding myself in your ex-wife's shoes and I'm seeing life through a new perspective. There's nothing like this life lesson to teach empathy and compassion.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

If they were handing out $ 1 million dollar bills, would she have been there? If so, it's more a problem of motivation than one of transportation.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

That is really the lamest excuse someone could EVER come up with to not attend their own daughter's wedding. I would never forgive my mother for that. My husband won't come see his daughter because he lives too far or the plane ticket is expensive (he can afford it really) and I can't forgive him for that. Maybe her boyfriend put an ultimatum and she chose him over her flesh and blood I don't know, but whatever the reason, unless you're ill or physically disabled and can not even sit in a wheel chair, then there is absolutely no excuse for what she has done. My grandmother did not attend my wedding because she was in her late 70s and had severe diabetes so she could not fly across the ocean to be there but she did call me.

Did your wife at least call your daughter? 

When there's a will there's a way. She could have let her daughter or you know and someone could have either picked her up or sent her a cab. 

No excuse. Sorry. I'm mean aren't I? lol


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## Hubby321 (Aug 1, 2010)

......Did anyone in the little wedding party offer her a ride? Your ex-wife is obviously down on her luck and didn't have the ability to attend the wedding. Many times behavior like this is not only about lack of funds. It is about psychological issues. And those issues stem from the condition one finds themselves in. For example, perhaps she can't afford to have decent clothes or have her hair done.

She has plenty of clothes and gets her hair done on a regular basis...she does dress sharp and goes to a lot of so-called "business meetings" properly attired and well-groomed. I appreciate what your saying but if she can go to a meeting to get her career off the ground (and she had no appointment that day), she can go to our daughter's wedding. I'm not sure if the last question was facetious or not, but I'm sure she'd have been there if money was handed out.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Well there might be 2 options IMO -- she's either not interested in her own daughter and does not care about her, or her boyfriend is abusive/controlling and he gave her a choice and she chose the one that won't get her in physical danger.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

827Aug said:


> I'll be specific......Did anyone in the little wedding party offer her a ride? Your ex-wife is obviously down on her luck and didn't have the ability to attend the wedding. Many times behavior like this is not only about lack of funds. It is about psychological issues. And those issues stem from the condition one finds themselves in. For example, perhaps she can't afford to have decent clothes or have her hair done. Those things can make a person just not want to go out. And yet, her heart may be breaking because she couldn't attend the wedding. It never hurts to look at a situation through someone else's eyes before rushing to anger or judgment. Please don't feel I'm being harsh here. I'm now finding myself in your ex-wife's shoes and I'm seeing life through a new perspective. There's nothing like this life lesson to teach empathy and compassion.


When someone's heart is really breaking about something like this, then they will call in advance and apologize sincerely. And do everything to make up for it instead of saying they could not afford the bus/metro. They don't even need to bring a present if they can't afford anything, their presence would be more than enough. 

A heartbroken person does not act this way.


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## Hubby321 (Aug 1, 2010)

Nothing more heartbreaking than seeing my daughter in tears....I'm sorry. But I sound cold and callous, I'd move mountains to be there.


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Hubby321 said:


> I'd move mountains to be there.


 ...because that's what a truly devoted parent does!


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Well, I guess everyone can just enjoy being angry.....since it ain't right.

So, did she tell anyone ahead of time she would not be attending and why? Or was her statement made after the wedding?


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## Hubby321 (Aug 1, 2010)

Now, wouldn't one know, my daughter's mom calls me "to see how I'm doing". I was cool, yet detached....but she then goes on to tell me: "My birthday's next month....you said you'd get me an iPhone, I want one for my b/day.' This is NOT my daughter, but my ex saying this. I didn't comment, but I so feel like yelling at her "TELL THAT $(*)_>>:<": BOYFRIEND OF YOURS TO GET YOUR ">&**^ iPhone!" along w/ a few other chouice words.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I assume you won't be getting the iPhone for her?

I think a more beneficial present may be the money she'd need for a bus trip to go apologise to her daughter in person.


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## Hubby321 (Aug 1, 2010)

I think a more beneficial present may be the money she'd need for a bus trip to go apologise to her daughter in person. 

At this point, that's about ALL I'd give her!


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