# Husband could be a covert with histrionic traits



## NarcIThink (Dec 14, 2020)

After tons of reading and research, now realizing my husband is a covert with histrionic (had never heard of that word before) traits.
Not sure how to deal or what to do. Any tips?


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

NarcIThink said:


> After tons of reading and research, now realizing my husband is a covert with histrionic (had never heard of that word before) traits.
> Not sure how to deal or what to do. Any tips?


Didn't you already post something yesterday? I told you so! I did give you some tips. Just look up 'how to deal with a covert narcissist. To put it simply, just don't let them provoke you emotionally (which is VERY difficult. Be emotionally detached and keep your responses bland. If you divorce him, you should go complete NO CONTACT! All of this can be found on search engines or youtube.


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Imperfections said:


> Yes, I’m not sure internet is the best place to try and self-diagnose husbands. Last time I did that, I found out I had Ebola, Syphilis and Covid. Turned out I was just a bit horny


Many therapists aren't familiar with narcissism, thus don't recognize it. But I see your point.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

NarcIThink said:


> After tons of reading and research, now realizing my husband is a covert with histrionic (had never heard of that word before) traits.
> Not sure how to deal or what to do. Any tips?


I'll second don't try be a professional out of your league based on an internet search. The fact that you have diagnosed him as having a condition of which you had never before heard ought to be a pretty big warning flag. Differential diagnosis is hard enough for things that are well separated and understood, and incredibly difficult for psychological conditions.


----------



## NarcIThink (Dec 14, 2020)

GC1234 said:


> Didn't you already post something yesterday? I told you so! I did give you some tips. Just look up 'how to deal with a covert narcissist. To put it simply, just don't let them provoke you emotionally (which is VERY difficult. Be emotionally detached and keep your responses bland. If you divorce him, you should go complete NO CONTACT! All of this can be found on search engines or youtube.


Yes, I did post yesterday, just looking for real life examples of anything successful.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

If you've done a ton of reading and his behaviors match up to the studies and clinical definitions, I don't think you should let others convince you of wrongdoing. Thank goodness for the internet. How else are you supposed to have any idea of what you're dealing with? Because you know what you are going through, and it's not your own imagination playing tricks on you, what does it matter if you are completely accurate in your armchair diagnosis or not? People saying you are wrong are doing the same thing you did - being armchair professionals. That's what we all are here with only our opinions and experiences to impart because this is not an accredited board of professionals.

Like abusers, the only way thing to do about being married to a narcissist is to leave them. There is no way to deal with them because trying to deal with them can drive you crazier than they are since they will not allow you to ever be right about anything and they will find every way they can to push your buttons and belittle you despite your attempts to avoid their tactics.

If you don't want to get away from him, then I wonder why all your research has not taught you the best ways to try to deal or taught you *survival tips* and what to do. In my opinion, no one should resolve to live like that, but this choice is yours to make.


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

StarFires said:


> If you've done a ton of reading and his behaviors match up to the studies and clinical definitions, I don't think you should let others convince you of wrongdoing. Thank goodness for the internet. How else are you supposed to have any idea of what you're dealing with? Because you know what you are going through, and it's not your own imagination playing tricks on you, what does it matter if you are completely accurate in your armchair diagnosis or not? People saying you are wrong are doing the same thing you did - being armchair professionals. That's what we all are here with only our opinions and experiences to impart because this is not an accredited board of professionals.
> 
> Like abusers, the only way thing to do about being married to a narcissist is to leave them. There is no way to deal with them because trying to deal with them can drive you crazier than they are since they will not allow you to ever be right about anything and they will find every way they can to push your buttons and belittle you despite your attempts to avoid their tactics.
> 
> If you don't want to get away from him, then I wonder why all your research has not taught you the best ways to try to deal or taught you *survival tips* and what to do. In my opinion, no one should resolve to live like that, but this choice is yours to make.


I completely agree!


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

NarcIThink said:


> ... just looking for real life examples of anything successful.


I get the feeling you are trying to find ways you can stay with him. If that's the case, why do you want to stay?


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

StarFires said:


> If you've done a ton of reading and his behaviors match up to the studies and clinical definitions, I don't think you should let others convince you of wrongdoing. Thank goodness for the internet. How else are you supposed to have any idea of what you're dealing with? Because you know what you are going through, and it's not your own imagination playing tricks on you, what does it matter if you are completely accurate in your armchair diagnosis or not? People saying you are wrong are doing the same thing you did - being armchair professionals. That's what we all are here with only our opinions and experiences to impart because this is not an accredited board of professionals.
> 
> Like abusers, the only way thing to do about being married to a narcissist is to leave them. There is no way to deal with them because trying to deal with them can drive you crazier than they are since they will not allow you to ever be right about anything and they will find every way they can to push your buttons and belittle you despite your attempts to avoid their tactics.
> 
> If you don't want to get away from him, then I wonder why all your research has not taught you the best ways to try to deal or taught you *survival tips* and what to do. In my opinion, no one should resolve to live like that, but this choice is yours to make.


The problem with people being armchair psychologists is they're not actually psychologists and no matter how much reading they have done they don't know how to actually diagnose mental illness. There is a BIG difference in the proper way to handle an actual clinically diagnosed narcissist and a guy who is just a self centered dink. If you assumed everyone who has spent an hour on google to diagnose a spouse as a narcissist is labeled the person as a diagnosed narcissist the number of actual diagnosed narcissists in the world would suddenly multiply by a huge amount. Most people think they know someone who is a narcissist but if all the people who have been labeled that were evaluated by a professional a small fraction would be diagnosed. Too many people nowadays read some stuff on the web and think yep thats so and so so this is what I need to do to deal with them. But it is the same thing as someone who reads up on what is causing their cough, decide they have acid reflux, cut down on alcohol and coffee for 6 months then when it doesn't go away head to the doc to find out they have throat cancer.


----------



## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

happyhusband0005 said:


> The problem with people being armchair psychologists is they're not actually psychologists and no matter how much reading they have done they don't know how to actually diagnose mental illness. There is a BIG difference in the proper way to handle an actual clinically diagnosed narcissist and a guy who is just a self centered dink. If you assumed everyone who has spent an hour on google to diagnose a spouse as a narcissist is labeled the person as a diagnosed narcissist the number of actual diagnosed narcissists in the world would suddenly multiply by a huge amount. Most people think they know someone who is a narcissist but if all the people who have been labeled that were evaluated by a professional a small fraction would be diagnosed. Too many people nowadays read some stuff on the web and think yep thats so and so so this is what I need to do to deal with them. But it is the same thing as someone who reads up on what is causing their cough, decide they have acid reflux, cut down on alcohol and coffee for 6 months then when it doesn't go away head to the doc to find out they have throat cancer.


Doing your own research is always a good thing.
What you do with it is a different matter.

Don't resist getting a professional opinion. Most professionals appreciate someone who goes to the trouble of digging deeper. 
Plus, it puts the professionals on notice that this person is alert, they care and that they are aware.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> The problem with people being armchair psychologists is they're not actually psychologists and no matter how much reading they have done they don't know how to actually diagnose mental illness. There is a BIG difference in the proper way to handle an actual clinically diagnosed narcissist and a guy who is just a self centered dink. If you assumed everyone who has spent an hour on google to diagnose a spouse as a narcissist is labeled the person as a diagnosed narcissist the number of actual diagnosed narcissists in the world would suddenly multiply by a huge amount. Most people think they know someone who is a narcissist but if all the people who have been labeled that were evaluated by a professional a small fraction would be diagnosed. Too many people nowadays read some stuff on the web and think yep thats so and so so this is what I need to do to deal with them. But it is the same thing as someone who reads up on what is causing their cough, decide they have acid reflux, cut down on alcohol and coffee for 6 months then when it doesn't go away head to the doc to find out they have throat cancer.



No, the actual diagnosed narcissists in the world would not be affected in any way because the data is not determined by armchair psychologists who spend an hour on google. Statistics are derived from those diagnosed and reported by actual licensed professionals.

I'm saying it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is her world and that she obtained information that has helped her to know and better understand what she's dealing with based on what she is experiencing. Accurate or not, it is helpful to be able to identify behaviors and events and correlate them into clinical terms for herself because she needs it. And it's only for herself. Until such information became available upon the advent of the internet, people didn't know they were being abused. People didn't know they were dealing with mentally ill spouses. And they didn't know there were clinical terms for the things they experienced. They only knew was what they were going through and how it made them feel. It's wonderful to be able to put a name on it and not feel alone in the world.

So again, thank goodness for the internet. She was right to look things up and spend time gaining a better understanding. And she's right to diagnose her husband to the nearest set of clinically-identified symptoms and indications.

And it's nothing like self-diagnosing a physical condition. Her opinion derived from her google research certainly doesn't make him ill or any worse for lack of medical attention.


----------



## NarcIThink (Dec 14, 2020)

StarFires said:


> No, the actual diagnosed narcissists in the world would not be affected in any way because the data is not determined by armchair psychologists who spend an hour on google. Statistics are derived from those diagnosed and reported by actual licensed professionals.
> 
> I'm saying it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is her world and that she obtained information that has helped her to know and better understand what she's dealing with based on what she is experiencing. Accurate or not, it is helpful to be able to identify behaviors and events and correlate them into clinical terms for herself because she needs it. And it's only for herself. Until such information became available upon the advent of the internet, people didn't know they were being abused. People didn't know they were dealing with mentally ill spouses. And they didn't know there were clinical terms for the things they experienced. They only knew was what they were going through and how it made them feel. It's wonderful to be able to put a name on it and not feel alone in the world.
> 
> ...


That is it exactly! Knowing now that I am not crazy has given me a huge sense of freedom and understanding. I’m not yelling my findings from the rooftops and calling in doctors, just trying to get educated, and yes figure out the best way to move forward without “poking the bear”. Thanks everyone.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

NarcIThink said:


> That is it exactly! Knowing now that I am not crazy has given me a huge sense of freedom and understanding. I’m not yelling my findings from the rooftops and calling in doctors, just trying to get educated, and yes figure out the best way to move forward without “poking the bear”. Thanks everyone.


But you're also asking for tips on how to deal with this personality type. Any such advice is predicated on a good diagnosis. I'm assuming you've decided that just treating him like a "normal" person isn't getting the job done - and in that case, it would probably be wise to get him to someone who can help based on a professional opinion. 

Looking on the internet to discover you think you have appendicitis is one thing. Trying to remove your own appendix is quite another, and if your diagnosis is wrong, useless at best. I have people in my family who are Bipolar type II and schizophrenic. The two conditions can be quite hard to differentiate, even for a professional, but getting it right goes a long ways towards treating it properly.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Let's try this again ... Why do you want to stay? What attributes do you love about your husband that you believe outweigh his faults? I ask this, because from where I'm sitting, you appear to be far more focused on diagnosing him than figuring out why you are actually with him. Seriously.


----------



## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

StarFires said:


> No, the actual diagnosed narcissists in the world would not be affected in any way because the data is not determined by armchair psychologists who spend an hour on google. Statistics are derived from those diagnosed and reported by actual licensed professionals.
> 
> I'm saying it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is her world and that she obtained information that has helped her to know and better understand what she's dealing with based on what she is experiencing. Accurate or not, it is helpful to be able to identify behaviors and events and correlate them into clinical terms for herself because she needs it. And it's only for herself. Until such information became available upon the advent of the internet, people didn't know they were being abused. People didn't know they were dealing with mentally ill spouses. And they didn't know there were clinical terms for the things they experienced. They only knew was what they were going through and how it made them feel. It's wonderful to be able to put a name on it and not feel alone in the world.
> 
> ...


I agree the internet can be useful but relying on it and reading stuff thinking you now have an understanding of what your dealing with are two different things. Like I said if you decide you're married to a narcissist when you're actually not you have a problem. There is little hope of a true narcissist ever changing, but a guy who is a self centered dink might be able to adjust some behaviors and be more thoughtful in addressing issues you raise. So if you decide that google has it and you're married to a narcissist you are likely to give up when there is still a chance of fixing the big problems. 

Having information is one thing but relying on what the internet tells you about complicated issues to make a decision is not the best plan. This is especially true given the fact that most people will gravitate towards information that aligns with what they are already thinking and ignore or discount equally valid information that contradicts their bias on the situation. 

There is a reason why most doctors will tell you flat out don't go googling your symptoms, go see a doctor.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

NarcIThink said:


> That is it exactly! Knowing now that I am not crazy has given me a huge sense of freedom and understanding. I’m not yelling my findings from the rooftops and calling in doctors, just trying to get educated, and yes figure out the best way to move forward without “poking the bear”. Thanks everyone.


Don't worry about it, girl, because the bottom line is there's no way to deal with him. There's no way to avoid poking the bear. Look at it like a physical condition. If someone has a cold, the characteristics of a cold are going to express themselves. The person will either have a fever, a cough, sneezing, blowing, and generally feel terrible. If a child has chickenpox, those traits will express themselves to some degree with the common blisters, fever, etc. Mental illness may not manifest physically but will continue to manifest outwardly in the ways that you have noticed because like any other illness, the characteristics must express themselves. So whether you are right or wrong in your diagnosis and whether he is never evaluated by a professional diagnostician, his ways and the things he does/says will continue. You cannot finesse your way around him. You can only feed the bear's narcissism in effort to prevent poking him, but feeding him means affirming him, which is a terrible thing to do and will still only result in making you feel crazy because that is part and partial of his neurosis.

I personally think borderlines and narcissists are the worst of the mental illnesses and personality disorders because their neurosis is directed at those closest to them in order to build themselves up in their own minds. In order to do that, they have to tear you down. Even if a covert narcissist will confess to a shortcoming, the underlying purpose is to accentuate your shortcomings so their own doesn't appear as bad, which makes them feel better at your expense. You can't spend your life ducking and dodging someone who refuses to be escaped.

My whole point is whether you're right or wrong in your diagnosis, he still has those traits and characteristics that you recognize and are subjected to, and he will continue to express them. I don't know why you want ways to deal with him, but I imagine you have your reasons. And you'll get sick of it eventually.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NarcIThink said:


> After tons of reading and research, now realizing my husband is a covert with histrionic (had never heard of that word before) traits.


Diagnosing someone else for any mental health issue or medical condition online is a very flawed approach. To diagnose him, a psychiatrist has to talk to him to find out what's going on in his head. Your interpretation of his actions are not enough to diagnose. You are too close to your husband to be able to diagnose him. It might be helpful to you to identify some traits that some Narcissists exhibit as this can help you figure out how to deal with him. 

Also, not one person here on TAM has the credentials and/or authority to validate a diagnosis.

Even if you had a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, do you want to deal with your husband's behaviors for the rest of your life? I doubt it.



NarcIThink said:


> Not sure how to deal or what to do. Any tips?


 What to do? Concentrate on yourself. If you cannot handle your husband's behaviors, you don't need a diagnosis of any mental health issue he might or might not have. Instead what do you need? What will get you the peace you need? Since this relationship is not working for you, your best bet is for you to just file for divorce. Get away from that which is causing you problems.


----------



## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Ugh, too many women that are in unhappy marriages diagnosis their husbands as narcissistic. So, so many online groups dedicated to all the “survivors” of narcissists. At this rate, narcissism should be a greater pandemic than covid. Where’s the vaccine???!!!!


----------



## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

StarFires said:


> No, the actual diagnosed narcissists in the world would not be affected in any way because the data is not determined by armchair psychologists who spend an hour on google. Statistics are derived from those diagnosed and reported by actual licensed professionals.
> 
> I'm saying it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is her world and that she obtained information that has helped her to know and better understand what she's dealing with based on what she is experiencing. Accurate or not, it is helpful to be able to identify behaviors and events and correlate them into clinical terms for herself because she needs it. And it's only for herself. Until such information became available upon the advent of the internet, people didn't know they were being abused. People didn't know they were dealing with mentally ill spouses. And they didn't know there were clinical terms for the things they experienced. They only knew was what they were going through and how it made them feel. It's wonderful to be able to put a name on it and not feel alone in the world.
> 
> ...


I think that people with real mental illnesses would be offended if the medical field started classifying personality traits (of which narcissism is one) as mental illnesses. But these days there seems to be a ‘disease’ or ‘syndrome’ for everything. 
“I didn’t cheat, I have got the sex addiction syndrome!” “My kid is not stupid, he has got the infamous Lazyass Disease! That’s why he’s getting bad grades and the doctor prescribed computer games as a treatment”. 
Even the way HD/LD labels get applied, I don’t understand this...Everyone is different and there can be a million reasons why someone doesn’t want to ****.

The internet is full of crap and if it’s the only way to make sense of the world, to pick out whatever fits...I just feel sorry for the world.

It doesn’t mean there isn’t an issue. But I don’t see how putting a syndrome label on it is going to make it better or help resolve their situation. But please, don’t let the pity party stop on my behalf!


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> Let's try this again ... Why do you want to stay? What attributes do you love about your husband that you believe outweigh his faults? I ask this, because from where I'm sitting, you appear to be far more focused on diagnosing him than figuring out why you are actually with him. Seriously.


That's a natural question, but I'm often afraid to ask because it can cause some people embarrassment. Most are not ready to leave for whatever reasons - emotions, finances, etc. - or may be preparing to leave but need time, so they need to find ways to cope in the meanwhile. Still, it's a good question and might prompt some people to examine their circumstances and consider their answer.


----------



## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

RebuildingMe said:


> Ugh, too many women that are in unhappy marriages diagnosis their husbands as narcissistic. So, so many online groups dedicated to all the “survivors” of narcissists. At this rate, narcissism should be a greater pandemic than covid. Where’s the vaccine???!!!!


I've honestly never seen so much armchair diagnosing in my LIFE than I have on message boards.

And you're right - anyone who doesn't behave the way they should or act the way someone wants them to is instantly "diagnosed" as a Narcissist by them. 

Unreal.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Imperfections said:


> I think that people with real mental illnesses would be offended if the medical field started classifying personality traits (of which narcissism is one) as mental illnesses. But these days there seems to be a ‘disease’ or ‘syndrome’ for everything.
> “I didn’t cheat, I have got the sex addiction syndrome!” “My kid is not stupid, he has got the infamous Lazyass Disease! That’s why he’s getting bad grades and the doctor prescribed computer games as a treatment”.
> Even the way HD/LD labels get applied, I don’t understand this...Everyone is different and there can be a million reasons why someone doesn’t want to ****.
> 
> ...


Hey, it wasn't my doing. Normal and abnormal personality traits fall under the categories of mental/neuro diseases and disorders and are classified by psychiatric associations around the world as part of the centuries-old mental health and neurosciences fields of study. Surely you don't think it was laymen like you and me who coined the terms and enumerated their indications. Yes, that included "sex addiction."

_“My kid is not stupid, he has got the infamous Lazyass Disease! That’s why he’s getting bad grades and the doctor prescribed computer games as a treatment”_

I cracked up at that!


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I've honestly never seen so much armchair diagnosing in my LIFE than I have on message boards.
> 
> And you're right - anyone who doesn't behave the way they should or act the way someone wants them to is instantly "diagnosed" as a Narcissist by them.
> 
> Unreal.


Well, if the shoe fits.


----------



## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

StarFires said:


> Hey, it wasn't my doing. Normal and abnormal personality traits fall under the categories of mental/neuro diseases and disorders and are classified by psychiatric associations around the world as part of the centuries-old mental health and neurosciences fields of study. Surely you don't think it was laymen like you and me who coined the terms and enumerated their indications. Yes, that included "sex addiction."
> 
> _“My kid is not stupid, he has got the infamous Lazyass Disease! That’s why he’s getting bad grades and the doctor prescribed computer games as a treatment”_
> 
> I cracked up at that!


Oh good, you weren’t pissed off then. I was worried I was coming on a bit too strong in hindsight...There’s probably a syndrome for that too. 
Mental illness is a difficult one. Since it’s always on a spectrum. Even things like autism; it’s not clear when it crosses over to illness or just being a bit of a nerd  It takes time and a lot of expertise to diagnose correctly.


----------



## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Imperfections said:


> Oh good, you weren’t pissed off then. I was worried I was coming on a bit too strong in hindsight...There’s probably a syndrome for that too.
> Mental illness is a difficult one. Since it’s always on a spectrum. Even things like autism; it’s not clear when it crosses over to illness or just being a bit of a nerd  It takes time and a lot of expertise to diagnose correctly.


I wrote software for a Psychology professor 20 years ago to do Taxometric analysis on measured psychological data. They are trying to discriminate on distributions that are different at something like the 0.1 standard deviation level. It's a horrible task.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Imperfections said:


> Oh good, you weren’t pissed off then. I was worried I was coming on a bit too strong in hindsight...There’s probably a syndrome for that too.
> Mental illness is a difficult one. Since it’s always on a spectrum. Even things like autism; it’s not clear when it crosses over to illness or just being a bit of a nerd  It takes time and a lot of expertise to diagnose correctly.


Mental illnesses aren't always on a spectrum, but individual ones are often accompanied by another or more than one other, like paranoia often accompanies schizophrenia. But autism is a spectrum of indications and their levels of severity. A person isn't mildly schizophrenic. They either exhibit the primary hallmarks (such as hallucinations) or they don't. If they don't, then they're not schizophrenic. A person can be mildly autistic though if they exhibit few hallmarks with limited severity and are able to function otherwise. I'm not preaching. I'm just saying identifying the hallmarks can be helpful, and this lady learned via the very useful worldwide web that her husband exhibits the hallmarks of covert narcissism. I don't think people are being fair to her just because she's not a licensed professional. It gave her the understanding she needed for the sake of her own mental health.


----------



## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Actually, I don't think there's anything wrong, per se, with the OP wanting to get a handle on her husband's possible personality disorder. But I think she's focusing on it to the exclusion of answering some questions as to why she's tolerating his behavior, regardless of the diagnosis.

My cousin's wife left him after eight years of marriage. He was formally diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic and spent a year as an inpatient at Sheppard Pratt. She was burned out and couldn't handle the literal insanity that came with the illness. Can't say I blame her - I witnessed some downright scary stuff when my cousin was having an episode.


----------



## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

StarFires said:


> Mental illnesses aren't always on a spectrum, but individual ones are often accompanied by another or more than one other, like paranoia often accompanies schizophrenia. But autism is a spectrum of indications and their levels of severity. A person isn't mildly schizophrenic. They either exhibit the primary hallmarks (such as hallucinations) or they don't. If they don't, then they're not schizophrenic. A person can be mildly autistic though if they exhibit few hallmarks with limited severity and are able to function otherwise. I'm not preaching. I'm just saying identifying the hallmarks can be helpful, and this lady learned via the very useful worldwide web that her husband exhibits the hallmarks of covert narcissism. I don't think people are being fair to her just because she's not a licensed professional. It gave her the understanding she needed for the sake of her own mental health.


Schizophrenia is on a spectrum, just like any other mental illness:









What Is the Schizophrenia Spectrum?


Doctors used to talk about subtypes of schizophrenia, but times have changed. Find out about the schizophrenia spectrum from the experts at WebMD.




www.webmd.com





And after reading for 10 minutes, I concluded I may have mild schizophrenia myself (I hear voices in my head, telling me how to reply).

For some, it can be a debilitating condition but saying there aren’t degrees of severity or that one can’t be mildly schizophrenic is misleading IMO.

But the OP is not schizophrenic, apparently. He’s not even a ‘narcissist’ (neither terms have been used by the OP; they were used by other posters who think her husband is like their husband; what’s the diagnosis for that?). 
According to OP, he has apparently ‘covert histrionic TRAITS’. I’m no medical expert, just a ‘clinical smart ass with an infantile sense of humour’ according to wife’s diagnosis, but if anything, it doesn’t sound like a mental mental illness to me. Nor is there anything else to indicate that he has one. Nor has any of it been verified by a medical professional.


----------



## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Please, on this site we all have offered armchair advice at one point or another. This is no different. The OP has every right to do research. Also, don't forget she said she 'thinks' he has it. That means it's not set in stone. Counseling MIGHT help to sort out the problem, but IF this person does have NPD, many counselors are not equipped/knowledgable in this area, so it goes amiss, the NPD person charms their way around everyone, including counselor. She can look for a counselor that specializes in it, that can properly diagnose him, ok. But her husband is unwilling to go. So...she should look up strategies on how to deal with it, or just get out.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

StarFires said:


> A person isn't mildly schizophrenic. They either exhibit the primary hallmarks (such as hallucinations) or they don't. If they don't, then they're not schizophrenic.


_"People with schizophrenia have at least two of these symptoms for at least 6 months. One of them must be hallucinations, delusions, or disorganized speech. A single voice that offers ongoing comments about your thoughts and actions, or voices that talk to each other, is enough.....You may have different symptoms at different times, and they may get worse or better -- and it's still schizophrenia"_

That supports my statement more than it does yours. But you're railing against armchair psychiatry and internet searches and then ran to the internet looking for keyword articles to support your opinion? That's what everyone does, but why rail against someone doing it and then do it yourself to make your own point?



Imperfections said:


> He’s not even a ‘narcissist’ (neither terms have been used by the OP; they were used by other posters who think her husband is like their husband; what’s the diagnosis for that?).According to OP, he has apparently ‘covert histrionic TRAITS’.


She spoke of him having narcissistic traits in her other thread. Some people were already familiar with what she was talking about. Maybe you didn't see it. And "covert narcissist" is a familiar clinical term. So there were no assumptions made. We understood where she was going.


----------



## Imperfections (Nov 26, 2020)

StarFires said:


> But you're railing against armchair psychiatry and internet searches and then ran to the internet looking for keyword articles to support your opinion? That's what everyone does, but why rail against someone doing it and then do it yourself to make your own point?
> 
> [/I]


Yes exactly. The point is that you can find any opinion on the interwebs and your bias will identify with it. Forgive me, next time I will stick a finger in the air to support my unsupported opinion 

I don’t like railings, but if I HAD to rail against one thing, it is that people seem to expend a lot more emotional energy looking for confirmation bias among other people than trying to work **** out with their spouse.

Sometimes a boring marriage is just a boring marriage. Do we need medical terms for it? 




StarFires said:


> She spoke of him having narcissistic traits in her other thread. Some people were already familiar with what she was talking about. Maybe you didn't see it. And "covert narcissist" is a familiar clinical term. So there were no assumptions made. We understood where she was going.


Of course they are familiar. Everyone sees their own (ex-)husband/wife in anything they read. And I’m guilty of it too. Every time I read what a horny, bored wife posts, I immediately assume it is my wife too  The mind is a fascinating orgasn.


----------



## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

@NarcIThink,

Read up at outofthefog.website aka outofthefog.net

See a professional for yourself. Said professional will not be able to diagnose your husband via second hand info, but there may be valuable insight and guidance for you there.

Sure, know your limitations and don’t cling to tightly to any diagnosis, professionally made or not. But, don’t waste your time with people eager to try to invalidate what you have experienced and what your analysis is, especially those who do it without specific information about the content of your thinking. It’s one thing to warn others about pitfalls in thinking (eg,”your diagnosing”). It’s another thing to pollute your thread grinding an axe about how some people too eagerly apply labels or whatever. Don’t let that axe grinding discourage you from thinking critically about your husbands behavior.

You may find a diagnosis isn’t as meaningful as the impact and persistence of his behaviors. Diagnosis or not, you are the one that needs to learn to recognize if his behaviors are harmful or cause you discomfort, and what you want to do about it. Maybe that feels easier/more legitimate to do with a diagnosis in hand, at least at first, but eventually you may find looking out for your interests and not tolerating bs feels natural and urgent and that you owe it to yourself regardless others’ analysis about his behaviors; your own therapy can help with that.


----------



## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

PieceOfSky said:


> @NarcIThink,
> 
> Read up at outofthefog.website aka outofthefog.net
> 
> ...


Wow Wow Wow
Really great stuff that deserved repeating.


----------

