# The other man is our tenant, need legal advise



## atloss

Hello all, I'm in a dire need for help. My situation is too embarassing for me to be able to talk to anyone and I feel I'm losing my mind !
My wife and I have been married for 6 years. We are both in our early 30's. Dated for a year and a half before getting married. We have a 5 year old son. 
Our marriage has had its upside downs, but I thought it was a good marriage. Wife and I are bying a three bedrooms apartment and paying mortgage.
One of the bedroom is occupied by our son, one is ours, and we decided to rent the third to help us a little bit with the mortgage.

We found a single man, steadily employed, in his late 20's, non-smoker, with great credit, who just met all our requirements of a room mate.
He was on time with rent, always quiet, always respectful..no problems or so I thought for 5 months.
Last night I woke up at night to use the bathroom and found my wife's place empty. I assumed she was in the bathroom, so I waited for her to come back
so I can get in. After about ten minutes I decided to go knock at the door, only to find the door open and no one in the bathroom. The house all dark
and quiet. I used the restroom and turned on the lights on the hallway. There was her purse, her coat, her shoes at the door...so she was inside the house.
A cold sweat covered my forehead. I could feel my knees shaking. I sat on the bedside, quiet, in the darkness.
About half an hour later, the tenant's bedroom door opened very slowly and I saw a slim shadow on the wall. On tiptoes and only in underwear, with her t-shirt
in her hand, my wife was trying to sneak back in our marital bed.
I turned on the lights and exploded. The expression on her face, the disbelief, the guilt, I shall never forget. She had no choice than to admit.
She was having an affair with the tenant from the first weeks he moved in. She claims she is unfulfilled sexually and emotionally with me, and he
makes her feel like a woman.
She refuses to kick him out. Even at my threats to divorce. The guy has a one year lease with us anyway, and is only in the 5th month. I don't know
what my legal rights are, in the circumstances of him having an affair with my wife in my own house. I haven't confronted him yet.
He's taller than me and better built. I'm terrified of coming out defeated and humiliated in front of my wife in a physical confrontation with him.
Couldn't function all day. Took off from work. Sent my son to my sister's house for my nephew's pijama party. I can use these hours alone to think
what to do until my wife and her lover boy come home from work later tonight.
I love my wife and can't believe this is the end. Can't believe she cheated on me for months. Can't believe her vows meant that little! 
I want to cry here.


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## Chaparral

He's planning on you getting kicked out. Tell him to get out. Change the locks while he's gone. Put his stuff in garbage bags and set it outside. Just stay home till he leaves.

I can't imagine any police officer or court forcing you to let him stay there.

What has he said.

You let him stay and you are their b!tch.

You let him stay, your wife will see you as nothing.

Let him take you to court.


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## motherofone

Call a lawyer.


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## Chaparral

This makes me ill.


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## Chaparral

I would get him out, change the locks and then call a lawyer.


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## dogman

This is so horrible that I question that it could have happened!

If so your wife is the most callous person I have heard of. 

It sounds impossible to navigate.


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## kenmoore14217

Perhaps you advertised: Room and Broad 

when you should have advertised: Room and Board!

Common error.


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## tom67

kenmoore14217 said:


> Perhaps you advertised: Room and Broad
> 
> when you should have advertised: Room and Board!
> 
> Common error.


That's baaaaad!


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

File a restraining order against him. The RO states he must stay away from where you and your wife live. He has been sleeping with your wife and threatened you. Lie if you have to. File a eviction notice while the RO is in effect. At the same time move his stuff into storage and make your wife pay for it. Change the locks. If your cheating wife complains go see a divorce lawyer and have papers drawn up. In the papers state she is a unfit mother and you want custody while the divorce proceeds, Explain on the divorce complaint only a unfit mother would fornicate with a tenant while her husband and baby slept in other room. Explain that it shows a serious lack of judgement and you are concerned for the welfare of your baby. Also demand that she undergo a psychiatric evaluation.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Go to the police station now for the RO. Don't let the police take you back home with out the RO then you will be kicked out. She is home with him waiting for you. Don't fall into that trap.


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## happyman64

It is quite simple what you do.

You throw him out. 
You throw her out.
You put his crap and her necessities in black garbage bags outside the door.

You change the locks.

And you leave a note on the door that says this:

*" Dear Wife and Tenant,

I have decided to clean out all the trash living in this apt. which includes both of you.

You get my lying, cheating wife and I keep the security deposit since you caused irreparable damage.

Good Luck to both of you!"*

Then send an email to her entire family what she has done these last 5 months and what you caught her doing last night.

Then sit back and enjoy the fireworks. Sure she will call the cops.

You most likely will have to let her back in.

But if you make the sign big enough in front of your apt. maybe she will at least think twice.

Get tough. It not the size of your muscles but the size of your brain and balls.

Start using both.

HM64


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## tom67

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Go to the police station now for the RO. Don't let the police take you back home with out the RO then you will be kicked out. She is home with him waiting for you. Don't fall into that trap.


Carry a voice activated recorder on you also but follow what Broken said this is not a normal eviction.


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## LonelyinLove

Kick them both out.


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## wiigirl

motherofone said:


> Call a lawyer.


This...don't wait.


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## the guy

atloss said:


> . My situation is too embarassing for me to be able to talk to anyone and I feel I'm losing my mind !
> I want to cry here.


Sir, you are making a very big mistake by taking this embarrasment .....YOUR OLD LADY ShOULD BE THE ONE EMBARREST AND YOU SHOULD BE EXPOSING THIS TO EVERY ONE!!!!!

Sorry for shouting put exposure is your friend and your embarassment is your enemy and your wifes friend....GET IT!!!


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## the guy

Sorry for shouting but newbies like you are not alone. I have been her to damn long to know what works and what doesn't!

Please sir stop being embarassest, this is all on your old lady and this POS tenent....please get his rental application and call every one of his refference and ask them for support for your marriage and that our tenent used them as a refrence for an apartment and now has INFECTING your *family* and you are looking for *support*!!!!!!


Exposure is your friend do not be embarraest be confident and man up to the simple fact that YOU WILL NOT SHARE YOUR WIFE!!!!!!

You can face this and you must with the up must stratagy and planning...pull your sh1t together !!!!!!!!


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## Thor

Be very cautious about the two of them making up some story about you and calling the police. Carry a Voice Activated Recorder at all times from now on.

Does the tenant have a copy of the lease? If he cannot produce a copy of the lease he cannot prove he has the right to live in that bedroom. I would _never_ suggest you go in his room and take his copy and burn it along with your copy. But if he cannot show a lease signed by you, he has no legal lease.

I would consult with an attorney yesterday about the restraining order and an eviction.


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## Entropy3000

atloss said:


> Hello all, I'm in a dire need for help. My situation is too embarassing for me to be able to talk to anyone and I feel I'm losing my mind !
> My wife and I have been married for 6 years. We are both in our early 30's. Dated for a year and a half before getting married. We have a 5 year old son.
> Our marriage has had its upside downs, but I thought it was a good marriage. Wife and I are bying a three bedrooms apartment and paying mortgage.
> One of the bedroom is occupied by our son, one is ours, and we decided to rent the third to help us a little bit with the mortgage.
> 
> *OMG noooooooooo! Do not rent ot a guy!!!!! That is asking for trouble.*
> 
> We found a single man, steadily employed, in his late 20's, non-smoker, with great credit, who just met all our requirements of a room mate.
> He was on time with rent, always quiet, always respectful..no problems or so I thought for 5 months.
> Last night I woke up at night to use the bathroom and found my wife's place empty. I assumed she was in the bathroom, so I waited for her to come back
> so I can get in. After about ten minutes I decided to go knock at the door, only to find the door open and no one in the bathroom. The house all dark
> and quiet. I used the restroom and turned on the lights on the hallway. There was her purse, her coat, her shoes at the door...so she was inside the house.
> A cold sweat covered my forehead. I could feel my knees shaking. I sat on the bedside, quiet, in the darkness.
> About half an hour later, the tenant's bedroom door opened very slowly and I saw a slim shadow on the wall. On tiptoes and only in underwear, with her t-shirt
> in her hand, my wife was trying to sneak back in our marital bed.
> I turned on the lights and exploded. The expression on her face, the disbelief, the guilt, I shall never forget. She had no choice than to admit.
> She was having an affair with the tenant from the first weeks he moved in. She claims she is unfulfilled sexually and emotionally with me, and he
> makes her feel like a woman.
> She refuses to kick him out. Even at my threats to divorce. The guy has a one year lease with us anyway, and is only in the 5th month. I don't know
> what my legal rights are, in the circumstances of him having an affair with my wife in my own house. I haven't confronted him yet.
> He's taller than me and better built. I'm terrified of coming out defeated and humiliated in front of my wife in a physical confrontation with him.
> Couldn't function all day. Took off from work. Sent my son to my sister's house for my nephew's pijama party. I can use these hours alone to think
> what to do until my wife and her lover boy come home from work later tonight.
> I love my wife and can't believe this is the end. Can't believe she cheated on me for months. Can't believe her vows meant that little!
> I want to cry here.


Tie him to the bed and beat him with a baseball bat. Oh wait ... I would do that. No you should not.

Kick him out and lock the doors. Let him take you to court.

And dump her too.


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## the guy

do not tie him to the bed. just hit your self with a bat and then throw it to OM and then take a quick pic of him catching the bat, then call the cops.

or 

you can expose this affair for what it really is and stop being embarrest of being married to a guestionalable women...

hell you make it seem like your the only guy that married a questionable women.

Sincerly
the guy with the cheating wife


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## TBT

Sorry for your terrible situation.There must be some way that you can figure he broke the lease agreement.Also,the fact your 5 year old was around when they were getting cozy....just despicable.Does your wife want to totally screw up her own son as well by keeping him there?


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## the guy

to all questionable women,
sorry for making "questionable women" a bad thing!


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Atloss, before she runs up all the joint credit cards cancel them. Do this ASAP. Move all your joint money into your own account before she takes it all. You have to move fast.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Atloss, this is your home and your wife's. He is a sub tenant. You have a prefect legal right to evict him, with or without your wives permission. She is free to move. That is what a judge will tell her. If it gets a legally edgy by changing the locks and moving his stuff out that is what the RO is about. A judge will order him to stay away. You are making it permanent.


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## Samus

Wow, what were you thinking renting to another man in your home? I hope your not messing with us and this is a real issue.

What happened to a nice old lady? Seriously you have a problem here. If he has a lease there is not much you can do unless the lease states specifically if he harmed your family in anyway or you the landlord, which I think is true in this case. 

You can evict him based on that alone. Take it to eviction, but I would talk to a lawyer. 

The next step is to kick the wife to the curb. You don't need a cheater in your life. Fight for custody of your child. Be strong and ignore your emotions. Get rid of your conscience for now until it is all said and done. If you don't win custody pay the child support and stay single and enjoy the single life for a while until you find someone new. Take care of your child and spend every moment you can with him.

Conscience is man's biggest enemy in a time like this!!


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## PBear

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Atloss, this is your home and your wife's. He is a sub tenant. You have a prefect legal right to evict him, with or without your wives permission. She is free to move. That is what a judge will tell her. If it gets a legally edgy by changing the locks and moving his stuff out that is what the RO is about. A judge will order him to stay away. You are making it permanent.


In most jurisdictions, you can't evict someone without following a strict process, even if they've stopped paying rent. There's often a "Landlord/Tenant Board" that can advise on the steps required. But it might be something like 30 days notice. 

C


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## EleGirl

Along with all the other good advice. Do not allow your wife to move out with your child. She has no legal right to move your child out of the family home.

I agree with the others. Put his stuff in bags and pile it outside. (hopefully it will be stolen before he gets back). 

Then call the police, tell him that this guy is a threat and you are afraid that he will start trouble. The police can come to your place and you can file a restraining order through them. You will have to go to the court house later to make it a longer term restraining order. But at least you will be sitting in your home and have the upper hand.

This sob would have to take you to court for evicting him. He's not going to do that. 

When his mail comes, write "Not at this Address" and send it back.


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## Samus

PBear said:


> In most jurisdictions, you can't evict someone without following a strict process, even if they've stopped paying rent. There's often a "Landlord/Tenant Board" that can advise on the steps required. But it might be something like 30 days notice.
> 
> C


Typically you can evict someone if they break the lease in some way shape or form. if the lease doesn't specify harm to the property or owner which typically it should then he might have a rough time.


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## seasalt

Jason if this is you, you got me banned once before so I'm

Not just sayin'

Seasalt


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## Dyokemm

Kick the scumbag POS out and your trashy WW with him.

Personally, I would rally some of your closest male relatives and friends to come over when you tell the POS to move...I doubt he'll argue with a major beatdown staring him in the face.

And use this as the first part of totally exposing your traitorous WW to all friends and family. Tell her she should pack her crap and leave too.

Then start divorce proceedings and make sure to tell her if she wants to fight you tooth and nail that you intend to bring up in custody discussions that she was so stupid she carried on the A in the house with her child there.

What if you had been a different kind of person when you caught her like that? Her judgement is so s**t she potentially exposed her own child to what could have become a wildly violent scenario.

I would guess that many situations that have a similar 'catching in the act' do have exactly that type of outcome, like the story someone posted a short time ago about a BH who pistol whipped his own father when he caught him with his WW.

I would make it clear to her you are going to drive this point home when it comes to custody arrangements if she wants to fight what you want out of the divorce proceedings.


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## Rugs

Why are so many focusing on the OM instead of the wife. Yes, evict him but the wife seems to be the bigger problem. 

Sheesh man, you got he donger.


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## Dyokemm

Do not underestimate the power of having those friends/relatives with you either.

A friend of mine had his WW actually bring her bf over to his house when he was at work. She called him and told him she wanted him out. The POSOM took the phone and talked s**t to him to and warned him not to start anything, but just move on.

My buddy didn't want to get in a physical confrontation in front of his kids, but there was no way he was gonna let this POS and his stupid WW kick him out of his own home (rental) either.

So he called me and a couple other guys to go over there with him.

POS just about crapped his pants when we pulled up. He ran straight to his car and bolted. My friend then told his shocked WW to get the hell out.

She packed some bags and went to her sisters that night. 

POS never stuck his nose in again while they went through the divorce either.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Dyokemm said:


> Do not underestimate the power of having those friends/relatives with you either.
> 
> A friend of mine had his WW actually bring her bf over to his house when he was at work. She called him and told him she wanted him out. The POSOM took the phone and talked s**t to him to and warned him not to start anything, but just move on.
> 
> My buddy didn't want to get in a physical confrontation in front of his kids, but there was no way he was gonna let this POS and his stupid WW kick him out of his own home (rental) either.
> 
> So he called me and a couple other guys to go over there with him.
> 
> POS just about crapped his pants when we pulled up. He ran straight to his car and bolted. My friend then told his shocked WW to get the hell out.
> 
> She packed some bags and went to her sisters that night.
> 
> POS never stuck his nose in again while they went through the divorce either.


:smthumbup:


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## Chaparral

Odd he hasn't responded.


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## 6301

Go get a lawyer now. While your out go to the police station and explain the situation, I know it will be a hard thing to do but you NEED TO PROTECT YOURSELF! Your wife is willing to play serious hardball with you and the OM will sit on the sidelines and watch as she cut your nards off with a dull knife. It's as plain as the nose on your face that she doesn't care about anything but herself and the OM. If you show one bit of fear, you are as good as gone because sure as God made little green apples, she'll stoop to no ends to get you thrown out of the house and no doubt will succeed 

Secure your assets. Take her name off the checking and savings or close the accounts and start new ones. Give her NOTHING because the first chance she gets she'll take everything, you can bet on it. PROTECT! PROTECT! PROTECT YOURSELF!


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## tom67

Chaparral said:


> Odd he hasn't responded.


Eh...JB100?


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## Dyokemm

Chapparral,

Yep...I like to always give the benefit of the doubt until things are proven otherwise.

But I had those same thoughts when I first read this.

Just decided to give some genuine advice and ignore my suspicions until we know different.

Am waiting for the other shoe to drop though...lol


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## tom67

Dyokemm said:


> Chapparral,
> 
> Yep...I like to always give the benefit of the doubt until things are proven otherwise.
> 
> But I had those same thoughts when I first read this.
> 
> Just decided to give some genuine advice and ignore my suspicions until things are proven otherwise.
> 
> Am waiting for the other shoe to drop though...lol


Understood.


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## lisab0105

You can change the locks, but with the help of the police he will get back in within 20 mins. Whether he can produce a lease to the police means nothing. His stuff is there and he receives mail there. He has established residency. Sucks, I know. If you can show cause for a restraining order, get it. Do not touch his belongings. I dont care what anyone says, do not touch them. Also, serve him with a formal 30 day notice due to breach of lease contract. (I haven't read your lease, so I don't know which clause you can use exactly). I am a property manager, please follow my advice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisab0105

you guys, he can't take her name off a bank account without her signature.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

lisab0105 said:


> you guys, he can't take her name off a bank account without her signature.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, but he can set up his own account, and direct money into that...

C


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## Shaggy

Tell him to get out, help by throwing his things outside the front door.

Dare him to challenge you on the lease.


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## Shaggy

Don't worry about the joint account being closed, just take all the money out.

Call the police on the OM and tell then he has threatened you, and you feel threatened physically by him.

Post him to cheaterville.com


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## the guy

Shaggy said:


> Tell him to get out, help by throwing his things outside the front door.
> 
> Dare him to challenge you on the lease.


exposure 1st!

Stop hidding and take what eviedecne you have and share it.

Invite family and friends in! Ask for there support and tell them why!

this isn't about being vandictive or being a tataltale, but asking for othesr...family and friend for their support during your wife's infidelity and cororsion in breaking up the family.


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## the guy

Dude if you don't start your own damage control your screwed.

in the end you will come out looking like a wife beating preditor, who eats children!

Expose this for what it is!


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## Shaggy

Call the police and report him as a threat, heck tell them he has physically threatened you and you need him removed from the premises.


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## PBear

Shaggy said:


> Call the police and report him as a threat, heck tell them he has physically threatened you and you need him removed from the premises.


And when his wife backs up the OM, and turns things around on him, then what?

C


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## tom67

He should have changed the locks today.


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## jnj express

You tell him he has violated the lease based on morals---and he is to leave

You DO NOT GET PHYSICAL WITH HIM----you do get right in his face, and tell him, if he is not gone w/in 24 hrs, and never to talk to your wife again---you will file a tort action agst. him, for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS

You also tell him, if he tries anything physical, you will press charges agst. him for assault and battery

As to your wife---tell her, she wants to be with him, then to take her belongings, and get out, and go with him

Do not allow him in your home one more day---and DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TAKE ACTION---you have nothing more to lose---HE HAS ALREADY TAKEN YOUR WIFE FROM YOU----time to rattle his cage.


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## AlphaHalf

Your house, Your rules evict him and give him his SD back if he paid. Tell him to get lost. Staying in that house will only be trouble for him. ( Never be intimidated by the OM, Under these circumstances he is lucky he doesn't have a hole in his face. ) Kick his a$$ out NOW.


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## PBear

jnj express said:


> You tell him he has violated the lease based on morals---and he is to leave
> 
> You DO NOT GET PHYSICAL WITH HIM----you do get right in his face, and tell him, if he is not gone w/in 24 hrs, and never to talk to your wife again---you will file a tort action agst. him, for INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS
> 
> You also tell him, if he tries anything physical, you will press charges agst. him for assault and battery
> 
> As to your wife---tell her, she wants to be with him, then to take her belongings, and get out, and go with him
> 
> Do not allow him in your home one more day---and DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TAKE ACTION---you have nothing more to lose---HE HAS ALREADY TAKEN YOUR WIFE FROM YOU----time to rattle his cage.


The odds of there being a "moral clause" in the lease are exceedingly slim. Pretty sure I've never seen one in any lease agreement. And the "intentional infliction of of distress" would depend on his state. Many don't allow it. He would also need proof for court, although if you're just interested in a scare tactic, it might work.

Basically (assuming the story is on the up and up, since the OP hasn't come back yet), if the OM decides he wants to live there, the OP will have to go through the process for evicting him, which will take time and money. He can try bluffing and intimidation, but based on his first post, I suspect that's not going to go well unless he has a number of more aggressive friends.

Dealing with his wife... Same issues. She's as entitled to live in the house as the OP is. He can try to manipulate her put of there through guilt or threat of exposure, but if she decides she wants to stay put, she can. He's doubly at risk, because if they decide they're cozy there, it would be pretty easy for them to drum up false claims of DV and have HIM kicked out, with no access to his son.

To the OP, talk to a lawyer ASAP. Get real advice, based on your situation. Then follow it.

C


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## PBear

AlphaHalf said:


> Your house, Your rules evict him and give him his SD back if he paid. Tell him to get lost. Staying in that house will only be trouble for him. ( Never be intimidated by the OM, Under these circumstances he is lucky he doesn't have a hole in his face. ) Kick his a$$ out NOW.


It's not just his house anymore. He signed (or his wife did) a contract which entitles the OM to certain rights.

C


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## Mr Blunt

If you have a lease then the lease will dictate what you can do and not do. If you have no lease then the state usually has a Landlord-Tenant-Law that is a general guide. If your lease provides for eviction for violating any law and your state has an adultery law then that may be your legal power.

You will have to decide if you want to try and save the marriage or to D. As long as your wife is taking the OM’s side in the eviction, still desires him, and is not truly remorseful your marriage is doomed.

If she comes out of the fog and dedicates herself to the marriage 100% then there is a chance that your marriage can be saved.

One of the very important actions to take in the next several weeks is to get in a position that you will be able to be the custodial parent if there is a D. I can only assume by the limited information that you wrote that you are a good father. I do know that your wife chose her needs over her child; she did this ether consciously or subconsciously. In either case she is going to harm the child and you are a better protector of the child at this point.

At this point the most important person to protect is the innocent child. Of course you need to protect yourself also so do not sacrifice your child or yourself in order for you to attempt to change your wife. Actually while she is in the fog there is not a whole lot that you can do for her. However there is a whole LOT you can start doing for you and your child. Get all the legal and emotional help that you can afford and look for ways to build yourself up because your person is taking a huge hit.

You can get a lot of free help on this forum but beware of those that are so controlled by their situation and high emotions that they just see one view.

*Know that there have been many in your shoes that have made it through these crises with D or with R. This is not the end of your life and you can recover no matter which way you decide*



*Blunt*


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## Dyokemm

If this is a real situation, I really do believe if OP gets 3 or 4 of his friends/relatives to come over and be there while he directly and forcefully tells this POS he needs to move immediately since he decided to help destroy the family he was staying with, this scumbag will leave quietly.

Nothing has to even be threatened. The message will be clear. I doubt this POS will be willing to risk getting a severe beatdown, and he will know that is a real possibility if he tries to fight this and remain.

Having 4 maybe 5 extremely pissed off men there WILL make an impression, not just on dirtbag but on the trashy WW as well.

I think they both will quickly beat feet.

Cheaters may act bold when its just the BS they are facing and they think no one else will know or see what they do, but having a bunch of witnesses who are aware and very pissed off at what has gone down will most likely make the ****roaches scurry for the shadows.


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## tulsy

I'm having a hard time believing this.

Who in their right mind would rent a room in their small house to a single, young, "taller and better built" alpha male, with their wife an child in the next rooms? 

Call a lawyer, change the locks and throw them both out. File for divorce FOR SURE. Try not to kill them both or burn the house down.


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## jnj express

There should be no physical contact, as far as what OP does---he has a son---he does need to end up in jail, or in a lawsuit

The key element to Int. Inf. of Emotional. Dist.----is outrageous conduct------maybe it works for the OP, ---but I guarantee you the 5 yr old son can bring the action thru his father---as this man has actively participated, in the very possible destruction of the son's life, from here on, and into the son's future

The son will never grow up in a normal situation---and the lover has aided and abetted the cheating mother to do this

The OP, should actually file 2 suits, one in his own name, and one in his sons name----the lover must answer w/in a month---OR DEFAULT---He is gonna have to get an atty---to answer TWO LAWSUITS---you don't think that is gonna cost him greenback dollars

If nothing more it is gonna make him think long and hard, is being with this woman---worth all of this

Also once again---OP---do not be afraid---to state what you have to say to the other man---he gets physical--you put him in a CELL

Also I am pretty sure a family law judge would toss the other guy out of the home, for aiding in the destruction of this family--------the OP should use the family court for what ever he needs---except for the tort action----

yes the wife is entitled to stay in her own home----the H, should take all her belongings, dump them in a small room, and tell her that is where she lives from now on

I don't know how much he really wants her back, and I don't understand why he would want her back---but there are things he can do, if he does want this mge.---and the most important of all---is to show his wife should he want to R---THAT THERE IS NO REALITY WITH HER LOVER-----her lover, is probably paying a small rent, and struggling to keep his own head above water---how is he gonna keep a new woman, and her child---REALITY MUST BE BROUGHT DOWN VERY REAL AND HARD TO THE CHEATING WIFE-------this of course should the OP---wish to continue on with her, and the misery that she has brot and will continue to bring to OP


----------



## dogman

I just find it hard to play along with this hypothetical situation.
It sounds too much like a **** fantasy.
If I'm wrong so be it and I know I just shouldn't post but I hate to see others get emotionally involved for no reason. Everyone on here has been through enough.


All good advice though, there's some very knowledgable people out there.


----------



## hookares

Throw them both out. On the surface it seems like a terrible thing that your wife of 6 years is spreading them for another guy.However, you really don't know how long she's been doing it and you are far better off finding out now than you would be twenty years down the road.
Is a paternity test in order?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

Nope, not going to buy this one.


----------



## ironman

This "situation" does not seem real to me. 

My 2 cents.


----------



## Carlchurchill

If this is real, then you have just received the lesson that every other single male on this planet already knew...u don't house share with another single male EVER!


----------



## Thorburn

lisab0105 said:


> you guys, he can't take her name off a bank account without her signature.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I did. Went to the bank and found out I was the principle person on our account. Changed the log in, passwords, etc. I was told to cut her off from the money, by her family and my attorney, legally I could have. I did not and it actually worked in my favor, long story., but depending on how the account is set up, things can be done. My wife got mad when I told her that she no longer had access to the account, online. She still had access to the money. I pulled out half and opened another account and told her. She immediately went to the bank to get things changed back and contacted an attorney. She found out very quickly that she could not do a thing about it.


----------



## weightlifter

Lawyer. Throwing out a tenant with a lease is a sticky sticky mess noone here is likely to have a clue on.


----------



## Thorburn

Don't know if this story is true or not, perhaps a troll. Though I did have to deal with a very similar situation when I was on Active duty. In 2001, I was stationed in a small city in PA. My job was to support the families back home and the unit deployed. One of our soldiers allowed his wife's ex to move back in with her while he deployed, because in the soldier's words, the guy had no where to go. She got pregnant, duh!!! Claimed to have been raped. When the unit called me to investigate this, it was two in the morning, when I got the call. Fortunately I had a good relationship with all the local police units. I guickly found out there was no rape. I did not know the story of the ex living with her, until this point. When I finally got to the bottom of the story at about 4 A.M. I called the 1st Sergeant and commander. They went ape sh*t on the soldier. He was just a dumbarse. His fellow soldiers found out and the unit had to send him home because of all the ridicule from his fellow soldiers, telling him, he is the most stupid guy ever, to allow his wife's ex to move in with her while he is deployed. It affected the morale of the unit to the point the commander just got fed up with all the drama and sent the soldier home. When he got back to the unit I went off on him. I pushed for a hardship discharge and he was put out of the Army. My compassion as a former chaplain did not come into play at all, the old Master Sergeant kicked in and i told the command back home that we do not have time for nonsense. It was right after 9/11 and we were getting ready to deploy more troops. Man, from 2001 till 2004 I could write a book. I opened and supervised 11 centers across our state and our mission was to take care of families and soldiers who deployed to Iraq. I dealt with everything imaginable.

I have seen the story depicted by the OP too many times. Soldiers allowing their wives to move in with someone they trusted or allowed someone to move in with their wife while deployed. It always turned into the same thing, a big nightmare. Soldiers overseas threatening suicide or sending death threats via emails, and all the while they were the stupid ones allowing their wives or in some cases forcing their wives to move in with folks they "trusted". In once instance when I was in Iraq we litterally had to kick in the door of a soldier who had his M-16 in his mouth and was skyping this to his wife, who informed us, via email, as his best friend was living with his wife.

yea, this brings back some bad memories of some of the stupidity I had to deal with in the Army, back home and overseas.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

I think your wife was asking for a male to rent the room. If this story is true then............

Kick on him out and serve her with D papers.


----------



## Kallan Pavithran

I think your wife was asking for a male to rent the room. If this story is true then............

Kick on him out and serve her with D papers.


----------



## CASE_Sensitive

This can't be real


----------



## EleGirl

Shaggy said:


> Don't worry about the joint account being closed, just take all the money out.
> 
> Call the police on the OM and tell then he has threatened you, and you feel threatened physically by him.
> 
> Post him to cheaterville.com


When he removes all the money from the joint account he has to close it. Otherwise he's responsible for any overruns she cause. IT's a joint account, they are both responsible.

He cannot take her name off a joint account without her signature. But he can close it.


----------



## jnj express

It can be very real---if people are in need of money, and want that money from a renter

also, at the time of interviewing the renter, the H, probably had no reason to suspect, his wife was gonna get the hots for the renter---he trusted his wife

Mge as mge will never make it if you can't even trust in the beginnings, of the mge----then again---6 yrs into the mge---that is about the time, things become boring, the same old---so the wife just decided to have herself some foreign spice


----------



## workindad

Unfortunately I know of a similar story from about 12 years ago. 

A newly married couple took in a tenant to help pay rent because they were struggling to make ends meet and working low paying jobs. It was someone they both worked with and ended up commuting to work with. The husband quit the job to finish his degree. Not too long after, his wife filed for divorce and she wound up with the tenant. I have no idea if it lasted. It is his family that I know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## atloss

Thank everybody who took the time to reply. 
Yes I made an appointment to a lawyer. Will look into filing a restriction order. I just have to make sure the law is on my side before making a move.
I have confronted the guy. In the kitchen, while my wife was still at work. His first answer to me: "I am sorry that you had to find out this way." According to him, it was my wife who made a move on him. He says that she constantly showed up naked under a wet towel in the living room when I was not home. That she was asking him to massage her back, and that he would comply and she said he deserves a deduction from rent, because he is "paying" for it.
Then he told me that she knocked at his door several times, asking to borrow stupid small things, like a caesar, a phone charger, or a book and tried to enagage him to invite her in. And so he one time did.
He told me that she said I don't give her enough sex. Well, I work freaking 15 hours a day to pay for our house, where she screws loose ! I'm sorry that I'm too tired to give her a long lasting sex session !
He also said that he told her clearly that he is not willing to have a relationship with her. That he does not plan to get married. He just took the no string attached sex. He says "I am sorry that you are upset." UPSET?? I'm devastated ! Not upset !
He asked me to give him time to find another place to live. I don't know if to trust him that he will move out on his own, or...just file a restriction order? ...
My wife avoids me now, and strangely enough, acts like SHE is upset with me, not the other way around...I don't get it...
Once again I appreciate the insight of other betrayed spouses, please keep ideas coming.


----------



## atloss

happyman64 said:


> It is quite simple what you do.
> 
> You throw him out.
> You throw her out.
> You put his crap and her necessities in black garbage bags outside the door.
> 
> You change the locks.
> 
> And you leave a note on the door that says this:
> 
> *" Dear Wife and Tenant,
> 
> I have decided to clean out all the trash living in this apt. which includes both of you.
> 
> You get my lying, cheating wife and I keep the security deposit since you caused irreparable damage.
> 
> Good Luck to both of you!"*
> 
> Then send an email to her entire family what she has done these last 5 months and what you caught her doing last night.
> 
> Then sit back and enjoy the fireworks. Sure she will call the cops.
> 
> You most likely will have to let her back in.
> 
> But if you make the sign big enough in front of your apt. maybe she will at least think twice.
> 
> Get tough. It not the size of your muscles but the size of your brain and balls.
> 
> Start using both.
> 
> HM64


The letter is brilliant. I really feel like doing just that !


----------



## bryanp

I am so sorry for you. My gut feeling is that the OM is telling you the truth. Your wife is a real piece of works. She had no problem humiliating you in the worst possible way.
1. Get tested for STD's.
2. See a divorce lawyer.

Her level of scorn, distain and disrespect for you is off the charts. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


----------



## atloss

Thor said:


> Be very cautious about the two of them making up some story about you and calling the police. Carry a Voice Activated Recorder at all times from now on.
> 
> Does the tenant have a copy of the lease? If he cannot produce a copy of the lease he cannot prove he has the right to live in that bedroom. I would _never_ suggest you go in his room and take his copy and burn it along with your copy. But if he cannot show a lease signed by you, he has no legal lease.
> 
> I would consult with an attorney yesterday about the restraining order and an eviction.


Yes he does have a copy. But I don't know where he keeps it, if he still has it, and like you said I cannot go in his room...I am looking online for Voice activated recorders..found a pen with a recording camera, I'm getting this one...


----------



## LostViking

At the very least expose her to family and friends. Do not let her paint you as the bad guy, because that is what she will do.


----------



## atloss

lisab0105 said:


> You can change the locks, but with the help of the police he will get back in within 20 mins. Whether he can produce a lease to the police means nothing. His stuff is there and he receives mail there. He has established residency. Sucks, I know. If you can show cause for a restraining order, get it. Do not touch his belongings. I dont care what anyone says, do not touch them. Also, serve him with a formal 30 day notice due to breach of lease contract. (I haven't read your lease, so I don't know which clause you can use exactly). I am a property manager, please follow my advice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lisa, my lease is very simple, it states that can only be broken by unpaid rent, damage to the property and disturbing of the sleep hours at night. I can't accuse him of any. Never in a thousand years it would have crossed my mind to include a clause not to screw my wife...!
So, tell me what to do then?


----------



## tom67

LostViking said:


> At the very least expose her to family and friends. Do not let her paint you as the bad guy, because that is what she will do.


^^ This plus kick your wife out and tell him to leave you will owe him money but you have to do this to get back your self respect. Expose to her family and friends. I am truly sorry for you I mean this in a good way- I was hoping you were a troll again I'm sorry.


----------



## PBear

atloss said:


> Lisa, my lease is very simple, it states that can only be broken by unpaid rent, damage to the property and disturbing of the sleep hours at night. I can't accuse him of any. Never in a thousand years it would have crossed my mind to include a clause not to screw my wife...!
> So, tell me what to do then?


Talk to your lawyer. Talk to the Landlord Tenant board in your area, if they have one.

C


----------



## atloss

bryanp said:


> I am so sorry for you. My gut feeling is that the OM is telling you the truth. Your wife is a real piece of works. She had no problem humiliating you in the worst possible way.
> 1. Get tested for STD's.
> 2. See a divorce lawyer.
> 
> Her level of scorn, distain and disrespect for you is off the charts. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


Bryan, I don't know what to believe anymore. But that does sound like my wife. She loves attention from men. And she does walk around the house just in a towel...now if she really threw herself at him like that...I don't know anymore who she is...I have a tramp for a wife...it kills me to think about it..


----------



## the guy

Your old lady has no remorse and is clearly on her way out.

Please show her her new reality and nuke this affair. I'm taking exposure, cut her off and yes see the lawyer and have her served.

Until she faces these consequenses she just won't get it...in fact she may never get it!

Its one thing to take a risk on a remorseful chick, but when they start blameshifting and gaslighting it time to show them the consequenses for there actions and make it clear that your boundries will be respected and you will not share your wife!

Your old lady might not get it but she will damn well respect it...after all if the shoe was on the other foot she would nuke you...wouldn't she?


----------



## the guy

atloss said:


> Lisa, my lease is very simple, it states that can only be broken by unpaid rent, damage to the property and disturbing of the sleep hours at night. I can't accuse him of any. Never in a thousand years it would have crossed my mind to include a clause not to screw my wife...!
> So, tell me what to do then?


Hey...you ar losing sleep and his affair with your wife which he has admitted to is disturbing your sleep.

lease void and nule!


----------



## the guy

In fact find a shrink that will address your sleep disorder and can documant case study on the effect of infidelity and loss of sleep.

Dude you have this


----------



## EleGirl

atloss said:


> Yes he does have a copy. But I don't know where he keeps it, if he still has it, and like you said I cannot go in his room...I am looking online for Voice activated recorders..found a pen with a recording camera, I'm getting this one...


Wall Mart, best buy


----------



## the guy

Please tell me you have a VAR?

Please tell me you recorded the convo with OM?


----------



## the guy

never mind


----------



## EleGirl

How much time is he asking to move out? He can go to a motel. Every town as some that rent by the week.


----------



## LostViking

My first wife was a tramp too. it gutted me to admit it. 

The only way you will get past it is to see your lawyer and start divorce proceedings asap. She has shown you she cares nothing for your feelings, does not love you and expects you will bury your head in the sand and just take it. Do not give her the satisfaction.

If it were me I would come up with nasty ways to make their lives miserable. Play loud Indian music into the night. Go to the pound and adopt a nasty stinky dog and let him sh!t in the house. Change the locks on your bedroom door and make your wife sleep downstairs. Call every family member, friend and acquaintence and tell them what she did. Get some 4x4s and a piece of 4 x 8 plywood and plant a sign outside on the lawn announcing to the neighborhood your wife is a wh0re. 

Humiliate her like she humiliated you.


----------



## the guy

In fact state the lease w/ regards to disturbing sleep and bull sh!t your way through and tell him he is gone and will recieve an eviction notice.

Tell him notice given, start packing and start with your wifes crap. In fact start putting your wifes crap in the apartment!

Go get some boxes and leave them at his front door.

Just becareful, your chick will phuck with you back and call the cops and file a false DV.


----------



## tom67

LostViking said:


> My first wife was a tramp too. it gutted me to admit it.
> 
> The only way you will get past it is to see your lawyer and start divorce proceedings asap. She has shown you she cares nothing for your feelings, does not love you and expects you will bury your head in the sand and just take it. Do not give her the satisfaction.
> 
> If it were me I would come up with nasty ways to make their lives miserable. Play loud Indian music into the night. Go to the pound and adopt a nasty stinky dog and let him sh!t in the house. Change the locks on your bedroom door and make your wife sleep downstairs. Call every family member, friend and acquaintence and tell them what she did. Get some 4x4s and a piece of 4 x 8 plywood and plant a sign outside on the lawn announcing to the neighborhood your wife is a wh0re.
> 
> Humiliate her like she humiliated you.


You are a sick bastage I like your thinking!:lol:


----------



## the guy

@ LV, if it weren't for tramps, I would have had a very boring college career. LOL

As you all can guess I spent more time with the tramps then learning how to spell. LOL


----------



## atloss

the guy said:


> Please tell me you have a VAR?
> 
> Please tell me you recorded the convo with OM?


No,I haven't recorded it..but once I get the recorder will start the discussion with him again and try to make him talk as much as possible. The same with my wife...but she doesn't talk much. Right now she went to sleep in my son's room and me here on the laptop...


----------



## LostViking

the guy said:


> @ LV, if it weren't for tramps, I would have had a very boring college career. LOL
> 
> As you all can guess I spent more time with the tramps then learning how to spell. LOL


OK, so you like tramps....good girls don't do it for you huh?


----------



## TRy

atloss said:


> Yes he does have a copy. But I don't know where he keeps it, if he still has it, and like you said I cannot go in his room.


 This guy disrespects you enough to go inside your wife, yet you respect not going inside his room? Are you serious? Priceless. Talk about being the proverbial nice guy that follows the rules to the end. Assuming that you are unlucky enough to get caught, what would he do once he found out that you were in his room? Move LOL!!! This is a man's game. Man up already.


----------



## atloss

What if he has a motion activated camera somewhere and can prove that I went in his room? I donno here...


----------



## tom67

Ugh! Tell her family what she did on thursday!


----------



## the guy

Stay out of the OM place, play by the rules and go for the "disturbing sleep" edge, and void the lease with a lawyer's letter.

When you goes to find a new place he just might be dump enought to list you as a land lord and you just might get a phone call from his next landlord......and won't that be nice.

This crap can haunt OM for a while if you play your cards right. One land lord to another.

Thats my $0.02


----------



## the guy

LostViking said:


> OK, so you like tramps....good girls don't do it for you huh?


You have no idea!

I guess I'm wired different then most!

This also answers alot of questions about my 23 yr marriage.

Sorry for the thread jack


----------



## the guy

One more thing, an eviction will lower OM's credit rating...

Won't that be a nice parting gift for him and your wife?

From were I'm sitting things looked real crappy a few days a go, but they seem to be getting brighter and brighter.


----------



## tom67

the guy said:


> One more thing, an eviction will lower OM's credit rating...
> 
> Won't that be a nice parting gift for him and your wife?
> 
> From were I'm sitting things looked real crappy a few days a go, but they seem to be getting brighter and brighter.


Exactly tell him to kick rocks even if you have to pay him a little in the long run it ain't shyt.


----------



## PBear

You still have to evict him, and that involves a proper process. Again, talk to your local landlord tenant office. But the sooner you start the process (even if he says he's going to move out next week), the sooner you can make sure he's going to be out.

And yes, stay out of his room. Keep your legal upper hand. There's nothing to be gained by destroying his copy of the lease, as he very well might have other proof that he's changed his address to your place (DMV, bills, etc), and in a case of his word against yours, he would win.

Your lawyer will also be able to give you information on whether infidelity has any bearing in your area on a divorce, and what kind of proof is required. And what the laws are regarding consent for recording conversations and admissible evidence.

C


----------



## the guy

Go for the eviction, let OM fight it.

I would luv to see OM's arguement.


----------



## jnj express

The renter who is having no strings attached sex with your wife, is probably telling the truth

Get him out as quickly as possible---but bottom line, he is not the problem is he---I doubt very much if he sought out your wife---she sought him out, and continues to do so---let us not forget---it is this woman who took vows with YOU----your renter, owes you nothing, and it sounds like he is pretty honest---and if after having it shoved in his face time and again---what normal male, is gonna turn it down

You need to decide, if you really wanna stay with her, and if not then file your D---and be done with her

If you stay with her---I think you will be miserable, from now on, knowing what she has done---and mainly doing it with you and her child right there in the house----she doesn't give a rats a*s about you, and you need to let that sink in

You are working your butt off so she and your child can have a good life---what does she do, she demonizes you, and spreads her legs for another----enuff is enuff---why would you want to be with a callous, unloving POS, such as your wife, who regards you as next to nothing---by her giving herself to another man---with you right there in the house---be rid of her.


----------



## Dyokemm

Why haven't you exposed your trashy wife to friends and family yet?

Not only will this keep her from demonizing you as an excuse for the M ending, but I promise it will motivate POS to move his a** out.

Having all that attention from angry and upset family members and friends focused on the household with visits and phone calls will make him want to get out of there ASAP.

A large measure of that anger and resentment will be directed at him as well as the WW.

This scumbag will want to put distance between himself and the drama, which he has to know could easily turn into nasty confrontations, as quickly as he can.

Plus your scummy WW needs to be held accountable for her crappy actions as well. Having everyone know what she is truly like as a person will not be pleasant for her, especially since she pulled this garbage in her own house with her kid and H present.


----------



## dogman

atloss said:


> What if he has a motion activated camera somewhere and can prove that I went in his room? I donno here...


Turn off the breaker for that section of house and go in with a flashlight. There will be no battery backup for sure.


----------



## happyman64

atloss said:


> The letter is brilliant. I really feel like doing just that !


Then you should do just that.

Especially if it will make you feel better.

Take some serious advice, throw your wife out and let her family know what she has done.

She was the aggressor.
She is the cheater.
She is the liar by omission.

So let her go.

Just that act alone will empower you.

Because you deserve better in life.

HM64


----------



## happyman64

atloss said:


> Lisa, my lease is very simple, it states that can only be broken by unpaid rent, damage to the property and disturbing of the sleep hours at night. I can't accuse him of any. Never in a thousand years it would have crossed my mind to include a clause not to screw my wife...!
> So, tell me what to do then?


Wrong. Your property has been damaged. 

As well as your marriage and self esteem.

Get creative and take action.


----------



## hookares

atloss, if you take a two foot piece of rebar and strike him in both legs just below the knee, you will have rendered your home as unsafe for HIS occupancy. He will then be only too happy to break the lease.


----------



## atloss

Thank you guys. I will expose. I called her father and told him to come over as I have something to communicate to him and my MIL. He will be here later today. I will also tell mutual friends.
Couldn't sleep last night. Kept checking her door, obsessed that maybe she sneaked in his room again...donno why I care...crazy, I know...


----------



## workindad

Get checked for stds 
Kick him out like right the fvck now if he wants to sue, let him. Tell the judge he was a threat to your family that hAd to be removed. Post him on cheaterville


Expose your wife 

See a lawyer
Do a hard 180 for yourself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happyman64

atloss said:


> Thank you guys. I will expose. I called her father and told him to come over as I have something to communicate to him and my MIL. He will be here later today. I will also tell mutual friends.
> Couldn't sleep last night. Kept checking her door, obsessed that maybe she sneaked in his room again...donno why I care...crazy, I know...


You care because you love your wife.

But realize that the woman that was your wife is not who she is now.

And there is no going back because you both are changed from her infidelity.

At least you know the full truth.

I am glad you are speaking to your inlaws.

Please record that conversation with a var to protect yourself from them and your wife.

Remember blood is thicker than water.

HM


----------



## survivorwife

atloss said:


> Yes he does have a copy. But I don't know where he keeps it, if he still has it, and like you said I cannot go in his room...I am looking online for Voice activated recorders..found a pen with a recording camera, I'm getting this one...


Yes, you can go in his room. You are the landlord. As a homeowner, you are allowed access to all parts of the house including his room. If there were a fire or a break-in originating from his room, it would be your duty as a landlord to gain access and correct the emergency. My landlord has a key to my home. I have a key to the marital home even though I do not live there. All perfectly legal.

That being said, naturally a tenant has a right to privacy which should be respected. However, under your circumstances, while it may fall under the "gray area" whether you gain access to his room, do not disturb or remove any of his personal property (except his copy of the lease) what possible recourse could there be? Do you actually think he could press trespassing charges against you for entering a room in your own property, especially a residence that you live in? Not going to happen.

Sure. If you entered his room and removed his property he may have legal action against you. If you only find and remove a copy of the lease, then it falls under a "he said-he said" category and no prosecutor would bother acting on this accusation. If he were to file in civil court, the burden of proof would fall on him. Even if you were to admit that you took it, and explained to the judge the reason you took it, do you actually think you would end up in legal trouble, financial or otherwise? In short, it is worth the risk.

All that being said, you are focusing on the wrong person. While you are dwelling on the tenant, your WS has cheated on you. She will do so again with or without that tenant. The circumstances will not change with the removal of the OM. What will you do then? Time to deal with your W. Forget the landlord/tenant attorney and get yourself a good divorce attorney. Throw both of them out.


----------



## LonelyinLove

If the OM's version of things is true, and I suspect it is, since your wife was his landlord, couldn't her actions and words be a form of sexual harassment?


----------



## survivorwife

LonelyinLove said:


> If the OM's version of things is true, and I suspect it is, since your wife was his landlord, couldn't her actions and words be a form of sexual harassment?


Absolutely, and the tenant would have a case against Mrs. Landlord if he decided to pursue that course of action. Then it would call into question whether there was consent or not, which the tenant appears to be guilty of regardless of her pursuit. So, since the tenant did not resist, he would not have a successful lawsuit against Mrs. Landlord.


----------



## theroad

lisab0105 said:


> you guys, he can't take her name off a bank account without her signature.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He can take the money out. All if it is his to start with. Then open his own account.


----------



## theroad

atloss said:


> Lisa, my lease is very simple, it states that can only be broken by unpaid rent, damage to the property and disturbing of the sleep hours at night. I can't accuse him of any. Never in a thousand years it would have crossed my mind to include a clause not to screw my wife...!
> So, tell me what to do then?


The OM banging your off your WW is disturbing your sleep.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

LostViking said:


> My first wife was a tramp too. it gutted me to admit it.
> 
> The only way you will get past it is to see your lawyer and start divorce proceedings asap. She has shown you she cares nothing for your feelings, does not love you and expects you will bury your head in the sand and just take it. Do not give her the satisfaction.
> 
> If it were me I would come up with nasty ways to make their lives miserable. Play loud Indian music into the night. Go to the pound and adopt a nasty stinky dog and let him sh!t in the house. Change the locks on your bedroom door and make your wife sleep downstairs. Call every family member, friend and acquaintence and tell them what she did. Get some 4x4s and a piece of 4 x 8 plywood and plant a sign outside on the lawn announcing to the neighborhood your wife is a wh0re.
> 
> Humiliate her like she humiliated you.


And i thought I played hardball. Yikes!


----------



## ThePheonix

Want legal advice? Get your story copyrighted and use a qualified attorney.


----------



## TRy

atloss said:


> She refuses to kick him out. Even at my threats to divorce.


 This quote from your first post shows that the real issue is not the other man (OM) but your wife. As others have said, do not lose sight of this.


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## Squeakr

atloss said:


> Lisa, my lease is very simple, it states that can only be broken by unpaid rent, damage to the property and *disturbing of the sleep hours at night.* I can't accuse him of any. Never in a thousand years it would have crossed my mind to include a clause not to screw my wife...!
> So, tell me what to do then?



Obviously your wife wasn't getting much sleep and now you are getting none, so that is definitely disturbing of the sleep hours. Heck claim you heard them and that was what woke you. They can't refute that claim (as how loud would they know they were being towards someone outside of the room), and it would definitely classify as disturbing of the sleep.


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## carmen ohio

Dear atloss,

Ignore the posters who are giving you gratuitous legal advice and/or are urging you to do things that sound of questionable legality. Talk to a qualified property attorney about your rights and responsibilities as a landlord.

Listen to the posters who are urging you to deal quickly and firmly with your WW's adulterous behavior.

Understand that the chance of salvaging your marriage is small and in fact zero unless and until your WW becomes truly remorseful. The only way that is likely to happen is if she suffers serious consequences. Often, this requires the BS to file for divorce.

Be strong and show no weakness when in her presence. Let her know that you are ready, willing and able to kick her to the curb for this.

Worry only about yourself (take care of your mental health, get counseling and speak to your doctor) and your children (shield them as best you can from from your WW's adultery and your counter-measures).

Understand that you have it within yourself to get through this but that it will take resolve and courage and that the quickest way to end your misery is to start to prepare for a life without her. Once she sees you doing this, she may come out of her affair fog and beg for another chance but, even if she doesn't, you will be that much closer to a new and better life.

Good luck.


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## PBear

No matter what reason he wants to use to kick the guy out, there's still an eviction process that needs to be followed, unless he can manipulate the guy into leaving on his own accord. For example, a threat of posting on cheaterville might persuade him it's in his best interest to leave now... Nothing saying the OP has to abide by that after the guy has moved out. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

If it were me, I would be sitting on the couch sharpening my K-bar and Bowie knives when he comes in.

Also, he only rents a room , right? Do not let him in any other part of the house.

Talk to an attorney.


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## Hortensia

Geez. That is one piece of a wife ! I'm sorry...I have no legal advice, but you can use my sympathy and a virtual hug !


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## atloss

today's update: my in laws came this afternoon as I asked them to come take our son to their place. They asked me why, what happened. Then I told them all about how I caught my wife coming out of the tenant's room and explained that I don't want my son in the same place with the dirt of their affair. My in laws were shocked and mortified. As soon as my wife came home, they tried talking some sense into her. As a result, she got a nervous breakdown. She started to yell at me, call me names for telling her parents, accuse me that I want her to be frustrated and miserable forever, now that she finally met someone who cares about her ( huh ?!!) I want to ruin it all for her, and much more other nonsense. Her mother raised the voice too, accusing her of being a bad mother for screwing in the house where the little one sleeps. My wife broke into an hysterical crying that could not be stopped so we have no choice but call the ambulance. She is spending the night in the hospital for mental evaluation. 
My in laws took my son so I can get some rest. My father in law wants to come speak to the other man to convince him to leave the premises...now I am waiting for him to arrive. i'm so shaken. This is not my wife. Today I saw a demon.
I don't know what to do about her. I just want her back, but I also hate her.


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## Truthseeker1

atloss said:


> today's update: my in laws came this afternoon as I asked them to come take our son to their place. They asked me why, what happened. *Then I told them all about how I caught my wife coming out of the tenant's room and explained that I don't want my son in the same place with the dirt of their affair. My in laws were shocked and mortified. *As soon as my wife came home, they tried talking some sense into her. As a result, she got a nervous breakdown. She started to yell at me, call me names for telling her parents, accuse me that I want her to be frustrated and miserable forever, now that she finally met someone who cares about her ( huh ?!!) I want to ruin it all for her, and much more other nonsense. Her mother raised the voice too, accusing her of being a bad mother for screwing in the house where the little one sleeps. My wife broke into an hysterical crying that could not be stopped so we have no choice but call the ambulance. She is spending the night in the hospital for mental evaluation.
> My in laws took my son so I can get some rest. My father in law wants to come speak to the other man to convince him to leave the premises...now I am waiting for him to arrive. i'm so shaken. This is not my wife. Today I saw a demon.
> I don't know what to do about her. I just want her back, but I also hate her.


This is why exposure is so important...when an affair sees the light of day its true ugliness is on display for all to see. Your wife can not face the magnitutde of what she has done. Which is why R is so difficult - Many WS don't have the strength to look in the mirror at themselves.


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## Chaparral

Don't have any advice except do not make any quick decisions. Once this soaks in you may have a completely different outlook.


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## waiwera

Gosh my heart breaks for you.

Find and take strength from anywhere you can.

Do you have a good friend to talk and confide in?


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## atloss

I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends. She turned me into a cuckold. I'm ashamed of myself, and of having a wife like her, and wanting her back.


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## Dyokemm

Now that exposure has exploded in the house and FIL is coming over to have his say with POS, I think that scumbag will be running for the hills ASAP.

He will certainly not want to be at the center of this drama, in particular if he was honest with you when he said he has no feelings for her and doesn't want a relationship.

Shows how stupid this s***bag is though. What did the moron think would happen to his living arrangements when his poaching on his landlord's wife came out?

What an idiot.


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## Truthseeker1

atloss said:


> I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends. She turned me into a cuckold. I'm ashamed of myself, and of having a wife like her, and wanting her back.


I TOTALLY understand your shame - but you have nothing to be ashamed of. She is the one who should be walking around in shame. You need IC and try to find at least one friend to confide in. You need to lean on other people right now to get through this. And don't us the C-word! You are not a cuckold...you are taking action and not rug sweeping anything! Whether you R or D - you did not stand idly by while she made a fool of you.....

Your wife needs serious help.....that is no reflection on you.


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## ShootMePlz!

Meanwhile.....The OM/Tenant will be coming home soon:scratchhead: What does your agreement state about breaking the lease as well as what legally can be done? I would use this time that your wife is out to change the locks!!!!


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## happyman64

No atloss.

She cheated. She lied.

She did not turn you into a cuckold. A cuckold accepts a ****ty wife, her sloppy seconds.

Keep standing up for yourself.

And protect your family. It was good that your inlaws know what is going on and see her behavior.

Because your wife has some serious issues and you cannot fix them.

Take one day at a time and stop blaming yourself.

Hopefully the Drs. might have a clue what is going on with her body and inside her head.

Patience and take care of yourself.

HM64


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## Dyokemm

atloss,

You have nothing to be ashamed of at all in regards to her stupid cheating.

Do not take that burden on yourself.

Not fighting back, including exposing her, and being weak in this situation would be something to be ashamed about.

But you own nothing of her choices.


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## carmen ohio

atloss said:


> I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends. She turned me into a cuckold. I'm ashamed of myself, and of having a wife like her, and wanting her back.


Dear atloss,

Please understand that your feelings are perfectly normal and even healthy.

You have nothing to be ashamed of, as the responsibiity for what your WW did rests entirely with her.

And just about every BH who posts here has feelings of both revulsion toward and love for their WW. It will take a while but, eventually, your emotions will settle down and, if you handle the situation properly, you will come out of this OK.

In the meantime, get as much rest as you can, keep eating, start exercising, get counseling and, if you start getting seriously depressed, consult with your doctor. It also wouldn't hurt to pray for guidance and strength.

It's up to you now to take care of your children so you need to stay strong.

You can do it.


----------



## rrrbbbttt

Please don't let your empathy for your wife cause you to make mistakes at this point.

You need to stay strong I know you care about your wife but even though she has had a breakdown it does not mean that she will be faithful in the future if you rugsweep what has happened.

Read the advise and really think about what you want.


----------



## ThePheonix

atloss said:


> My in laws took my son so I can get some rest. My father in law wants to come speak to the other man to convince him to leave the premises...now I am waiting for him to arrive. i'm so shaken. This is not my wife.



I'll play along. Atloss, it is your wife. She is who she is and you're married to her. But face it my man. You're her future ex-husband whether you like it or not.
One question. What state do you reside? I'd like to do a little research on residential leases.


----------



## aug

atloss said:


> This is not my wife. Today I saw a demon.
> I don't know what to do about her. I just want her back, but I also hate her.



Dont think about taking back the demon. If you do, you'll find any peace you may have will be illusory.

Learn to detach. Let her go.

If she could fvck another man right under your nose, how can you ever be sure of her fidelity?

Let her go, let her go.


----------



## LonelyinLove

atloss said:


> today's update: my in laws came this afternoon as I asked them to come take our son to their place. They asked me why, what happened. Then I told them all about how I caught my wife coming out of the tenant's room and explained that I don't want my son in the same place with the dirt of their affair. My in laws were shocked and mortified. As soon as my wife came home, they tried talking some sense into her. As a result, she got a nervous breakdown. She started to yell at me, call me names for telling her parents, accuse me that I want her to be frustrated and miserable forever, now that she finally met someone who cares about her ( huh ?!!) I want to ruin it all for her, and much more other nonsense. Her mother raised the voice too, accusing her of being a bad mother for screwing in the house where the little one sleeps. My wife broke into an hysterical crying that could not be stopped so we have no choice but call the ambulance. She is spending the night in the hospital for mental evaluation.
> My in laws took my son so I can get some rest. My father in law wants to come speak to the other man to convince him to leave the premises...now I am waiting for him to arrive. i'm so shaken. This is not my wife. Today I saw a demon.
> I don't know what to do about her. I just want her back, but I also hate her.


What a drama queen...nice acting for the parents.

Yes, you saw a demon. 

Same thing happened to a couple we know...he left with a tramp he meet at work. There was no talking to him, and he had this darkness around him. When he finally came home he told my hubs that he had been in a dark place.

Don't know your religious beliefs, but we prayed for our friend day and night. I'm pretty sure that made the demon squirm. 

I'll be remembering you in my prayers tonight.


----------



## atloss

ThePheonix said:


> I'll play along. Atloss, it is your wife. She is who she is and you're married to her. But face it my man. You're her future ex-husband whether you like it or not.
> One question. What state do you reside? I'd like to do a little research on residential leases.


New Jersey state. Yes please send me whatever you can find I need as much info as possible. Thank you big time.


----------



## atloss

LonelyinLove said:


> What a drama queen...nice acting for the parents.
> 
> Yes, you saw a demon.
> 
> I'll be remembering you in my prayers tonight.


Thank you. I need that. Can't even pray right now.


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## Chaparral

Don't hesitate to pray. Even if you want to fuss at him. The Old Testament is full of people arguing with God.

It all boils down to free will however. What matters now isnt who knocked you down but how you get back up and deal with it.


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## Wolf359

This is one of the most messed up females I have ever read about on this site. I would cut you know what’s D*** off and not care about going to jail. I think you should run, not walk away from her. Just grab your son and run. SHE HAS GOT TO BE POSSESSED . :FIREdevil:


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## EleGirl

atloss said:


> I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends. She turned me into a cuckold. I'm ashamed of myself, and of having a wife like her, and wanting her back.


You do not have to tell your friends. If you do, do it when you want to and are at peace with doing so. This is about what you need in the way of support.

And stop being ashamed of yourself. You did nothing wrong.


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## EleGirl

atloss,

I hope that your FIL does get the OM to move out ASAP.

This OM is a piece of work: He puts all the blame on your wife. Then he tries to make himself look better by actually telling you that it's all your wife's fault. Then he says he needs more time to move out. 

This is a man who has no conscience and will do whatever he wants no matter who it hurts. Get rid of him ASAP... have a dozen people move in if that's what it takes. Let the toilet overrun and soil his room.

Your wife's break down is nothing compared to what she will do when she realizes that the OM was just using her. Most likely she will move in with her parents. Your child is over there. Get your child back into your place and away from her as soon as you can. Once your child and she are at your inlaws, she can file for divorce and say that you kicked them both out.

Your inlaws have been supportive so far. But this is their daughter and blood is thicker than water. if the two of you do not reconcile, they will be more supportive of her over time.

Do you have extended family that you can lean on?


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## Truthseeker1

EleGirl said:


> You do not have to tell your friends. If you do, do it when you want to and are at peace with doing so. This is about what you need in the way of support.
> *
> And stop being ashamed of yourself. You did nothing wrong*.


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## tom67

Here's what you can do. I know he's scum but you want him out give him one month's rent back to move out immediately if he refuses that, eff it and get the restraining order. If you don't have the money borrow from fil if you can. It should be an offer he can't refuse.


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## ThePheonix

atloss said:


> New Jersey state. Yes please send me whatever you can find I need as much info as possible. Thank you big time.


Under New Jersey law, the landlord may file for eviction if the tenant assaults or threatens the landlord, his family, or employees. Call the New Jersey Department of Community Affairs and ask for a copy of the Grounds for Eviction Bulletin.
(This is my opinion based on the limited information provided and should not be construed as legal advice. You need to contact an attorney licensed to practice in New Jersey and who is knowledgeable in eviction law and early termination of rental agreements.)


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## Mr Blunt

> By Ele Girl
> 
> Your wife's break down is nothing compared to what she will do when she realizes that the OM was just using her. Most likely she will move in with her parents. Your child is over there. *Get your child back into your place and away from her as soon as you can.* Once your child and she are at your inlaws, she can file for divorce and say that you kicked them both out.
> 
> Your inlaws have been supportive so far. But this is their daughter and blood is thicker than water. if the two of you do not reconcile, they will be more supportive of her over time.




ataloss
I know that you are much shaken at this time and are thinking of your wife and yourself; perfectly normal. However, if your marriage goes for the D, and that is a very strong possibility, *what will matter in the end is your child, you, and the financial part.*



Ele Girl gave you great advice and I hope that you start planning your life for yourself and your child as soon as possible. If you and your wife save your marriage that will be in the far future. Right now you need to secure your child. Your wife may have not thought about it but she is a child abuser and has damaged the child’s emotions. *A child can sense when one or both parents are shaken and that hurts the security of the child.
Th child almost always thinks that the touble is their fault*

You are a much better parent right now as you did not choose a phuk over your child.

*You can recover from this trauma and so can your child but you need to follow Ele Girls’ advice ASAP*!


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## Carlchurchill

So your MIL says she is a bad mother for doing it in the same place her son sleeps. Does this mean if she got a hotel room that she is a 'ok' mother...just questioning the logic


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## EleGirl

Carlchurchill said:


> So your MIL says she is a bad mother for doing it in the same place her son sleeps. Does this mean if she got a hotel room that she is a 'ok' mother...just questioning the logic


Come on. He gave a small snippet of all his MIL said to his wife. Why try to make it look like MIL has some kind of messed up value system?


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## EleGirl

atloss said:


> today's update: my in laws came this afternoon as I asked them to come take our son to their place. They asked me why, what happened. Then I told them all about how I caught my wife coming out of the tenant's room and explained that I don't want my son in the same place with the dirt of their affair. My in laws were shocked and mortified. As soon as my wife came home, they tried talking some sense into her. As a result, she got a nervous breakdown. She started to yell at me, call me names for telling her parents, accuse me that I want her to be frustrated and miserable forever, now that she finally met someone who cares about her ( huh ?!!) I want to ruin it all for her, and much more other nonsense. Her mother raised the voice too, accusing her of being a bad mother for screwing in the house where the little one sleeps. My wife broke into an hysterical crying that could not be stopped so we have no choice but call the ambulance. She is spending the night in the hospital for mental evaluation.
> 
> My in laws took my son so I can get some rest. My father in law wants to come speak to the other man to convince him to leave the premises...now I am waiting for him to arrive. i'm so shaken. This is not my wife. Today I saw a demon.
> 
> I don't know what to do about her. I just want her back, but I also hate her.


Where was your son during her meltdown? It sounds like he was there since your in laws were there.

How did he handle this?


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## survivorwife

ThePheonix said:


> I'll play along. Atloss, it is your wife. She is who she is and you're married to her. But face it my man. You're her future ex-husband whether you like it or not.
> One question. What state do you reside? I'd like to do a little research on residential leases.


You raise an interesting question about the State of residence and the law regarding leases.

It is my understanding that no State requires any landlord/tenant to actually record the lease with the Court, meaning that, for the moment, a lease is a contract between the two individuals and protects their interests in the agreement regarding rent payments in exchange for housing.

We know that the OP wants this tenant out (for obvious reasons), but we are also under the assumption that the OM intends to stay in accordance with the terms of the lease. But what if he no longer wishes to stay? This whole dilemma could be resolved mutually if the tenant decides to move elsewhere and the landlord agrees not to enforce the terms of the lease. Both tear up their copy of the lease and move on. No Court necessary.

The latest developments indicate that the in-laws are aware of the affair, the W is having a meltdown, and the OM (tenant) is nowhere to be found (at the moment). Why does anyone assume that the tenant has a desire to stay in that household? Why would not the OP merely offer to terminate the terms of the lease in exchange for the tenant leaving prematurely and both parties go their separate ways? What stops that from happening?


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## workindad

You have nothing to be ashamed of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn

I am really sorry you are here. Typically you will not be able to throw your wife out nor her stuff. I would not let her hysterics get to me. If she is in the hospital let them take care of her. 

Go see an attorney.

And this is all your wife's fault.


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## Shaggy

Throw the OM out immediately, like today, and change the locks.

Your wife going to the hospital is a clear demonstration of the disruptive nature of the tenant and it is a threat to your son emotionally so much that you had to remove him from the home to protect him.

There isn't a judge on earth that is going to side with the tenant.

This is similar to evicting a tenant who steals money from you, or is doing things like cooking meth in his room.

You take immediate action and eject him. Dare him to challenge you in court. There is no way that he will.

However, you are being judged by your wife in his strongly you react to this other guy and the threat he is, and by letting him stay even one night you are letting yourself be seen as weak and ineffectual.

Eject him today, and all his stuff on the curb. No niceties, no days to find another place - he can go to motel 6.


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## Will_Kane

Shaggy said:


> Throw the OM out immediately, like today, and change the locks.
> 
> Your wife going to the hospital is a clear demonstration of the disruptive nature of the tenant and it is a threat to your son emotionally so much that you had to remove him from the home to protect him.
> 
> There isn't a judge on earth that is going to side with the tenant.
> 
> This is similar to evicting a tenant who steals money from you, or is doing things like cooking meth in his room.
> 
> You take immediate action and eject him. Dare him to challenge you in court. There is no way that he will.
> 
> However, you are being judged by your wife in his strongly you react to this other guy and the threat he is, and by letting him stay even one night you are letting yourself be seen as weak and ineffectual.
> 
> Eject him today, and all his stuff on the curb. No niceties, no days to find another place - he can go to motel 6.


I agree with this. Have your father-in-law and your mother-in-law and your son with you when other man comes back to find his stuff. I doubt he will call police, if they come, tell your story calmly, your wife is in the hospital due to the trauma of the situation, your son and you live in your home, and you do not feel safe living there with the other man, that you fear for your son's welfare living in the house with other man due to how the other man has acted in having sex with your wife while your son was in the house. If the police are called, which I doubt, remain calm when talking to them, don't let other man bait you into losing your cool. Other man most likely will leave to stay with family, friends, or co-workers without calling police.


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## lisab0105

Will_Kane said:


> I agree with this. Have your father-in-law and your mother-in-law and your son with you when other man comes back to find his stuff. I doubt he will call police, if they come, tell your story calmly, your wife is in the hospital due to the trauma of the situation, your son and you live in your home, and you do not feel safe living there with the other man, that you fear for your son's welfare living in the house with other man due to how the other man has acted in having sex with your wife while your son was in the house. If the police are called, which I doubt, remain calm when talking to them, don't let other man bait you into losing your cool. Other man most likely will leave to stay with family, friends, or co-workers without calling police.


Atloss, I'm in New Jersey as well. Worked in Property Management for years and you can not listen to any one telling you to throw his stuff out and not to properly evict him. Do not assume he won't call the police. Get a proper restraining order if you want him out now, but you can not throw him out without any notice. Serve him, file it with the court and evict him the right way. Again, do not change the locks. You guys have to stop shooting from the hip with your advice on getting this guy out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

lisab0105 said:


> Atloss, I'm in New Jersey as well. Worked in Property Management for years and you can not listen to any one telling you to throw his stuff out and not to properly evict him. Do not assume he won't call the police. Get a proper restraining order if you want him out now, but you can not throw him out without any notice. Serve him, file it with the court and evict him the right way. Again, do not change the locks. You guys have to stop shooting from the hip with your advice on getting this guy out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Lisa, he's not renting a professional apartment until to this guy, I get the feeling it's just a room inside his home.

Right now, because of thus guy, the wife is in the hospital running up serious expenses for care, his son is moved out and living elsewhere, and the OP is sharing the home with the threat that caused it.

The OP may want to see if he can sue the tenant for damages - specifically the cost of his wife's hospitalization.


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## lisab0105

Shaggy said:


> Lisa, he's not renting a professional apartment until to this guy, I get the feeling it's just a room inside his home.
> 
> Right now, because of thus guy, the wife is in the hospital running up serious expenses for care, his son is moved out and living elsewhere, and the OP is sharing the home with the threat that caused it.
> 
> The OP may want to see if he can sue the tenant for damages - specifically the cost of his wife's hospitalization.


Doesn't matter, private landlords still have to follow landlord/tenant laws. She chose to screw him, sorry but NJ is very pro-tenant and follows tenancy court to the tee. He can ask the guy to please leave and he might not give him any problems...but the guy legally has a right to remain unless properly evicted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lisab0105

And the courts will throw out any case where the OM is being sued. The judge will see through his wife's woe is me act and tell atloss I'm sorry your wife is a *****, but she chose this for herself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

lisab0105 said:


> And the courts will throw out any case where the OM is being sued. The judge will see through his wife's woe is me act and tell atloss I'm sorry your wife is a *****, but she chose this for herself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Then basically you are saying that in these additional ways NJ is a h3ll hole that no sane person should choose to live in, because they favor cheating scum, and trash like the OM who if he had any shame at all would have high tailed it out of there as soon as the OP discovered it all.

Wow, just wow.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

Judges have a lot of leeway in diffusing potential violence. The subtenants rights are not absolute especially when weighed against the best interest of a infant whose mom is now in the psyche ward due to her AND the tenants actions. Ant the landlord is not a realty company with deep pockets. The land lord is a mom and pop with a mortgage. Judge takes that into consideration as well. The judge can say tenant get out now and be legally wrong about how he/she interests various statutes and laws. Judges do it all the time to prove a point. Is the tenant going to appellate court to appeal? No. Good luck finding a lawyer to represent that. Anyone with common sense would advise the tenant move on before someone gets physically hurt. Judge does not care in a situation like this if they are overturned on appeal. And a 22 year old renting a room is not going to appeal. He can't even rent his own apartment. How is he going to pay the lawyer?


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## lisab0105

Shaggy said:


> Then basically you are saying that in these additional ways NJ is a h3ll hole that no sane person should choose to live in, because they favor cheating scum, and trash like the OM who if he had any shame at all would have high tailed it out of there as soon as the OP discovered it all.
> 
> Wow, just wow.


yes, it is called a signed lease agreement and the landlord is as contractually obligated to adhere to the lease as the tenant. I have worked in Idaho, Ca and Arizona and he would have the same problems there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Perhaps the OP should be calling the cops and reporting a domestic disturbance where the wife and son have been forced to leave because of the tenant and that the OP is threatened by the OP.


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## jim123

Get an order of protection and it will solve all these issues. 

You have a five year old and a reasonable reason to fear safety.

He will have no choice but move. 

Use the system. Do it before he or your wife does it to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife

lisab0105 said:


> And the courts will throw out any case where the OM is being sued. The judge will see through his wife's woe is me act and tell atloss I'm sorry your wife is a *****, but she chose this for herself.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Only if the OM is determined to remain at the residence under the terms of the lease in spite of the current drama.

On the other hand, all potential legal issues aside, would it not be in the OM's best interests to move out at his earliest convenience AND request that the Landlord agree to break the terms of the lease in order to end the tenancy without Court interference? Is that not what the Landlord wants? To get rid of this tenant? So, if the tenant volunteers to leave immediately and the landlord is in agreement they can tear up the lease and go their separate ways with no legal involvement.

It seems to me that many are assuming that the OM intends to stay according to the provisions of the lease irregardless of the affair. I suspect that he would be willing to leave if not penalized for future rent in accordance with the lease.


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## survivorwife

lisab0105 said:


> yes, it is called a signed lease agreement and the landlord is as contractually obligated to adhere to the lease as the tenant. I have worked in Idaho, Ca and Arizona and he would have the same problems there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And then again, both parties can agree to terminate the terms of the lease and go their separate ways with no court involvement whatsoever.


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## Chaparral

The tenant said he wanted to stay until he found something else. That could mean anything including just lying.

It would be nice to know what the lease says.


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## Plan 9 from OS

I still have doubts believing this story. However, I think if the tenant refuses to leave the premises, maybe the OP can put up signs on his property indicating that there is a man living in his house that had an affair and that he's too much of a POS to do the right thing and just leave the house. I'd throw in something about the unjust tenant laws that are not protecting the rights of the homeowner.


----------



## survivorwife

Plan 9 from OS said:


> *I still have doubts believing this story. * However, I think if the tenant refuses to leave the premises, maybe the OP can put up signs on his property indicating that there is a man living in his house that had an affair and that he's too much of a POS to do the right thing and just leave the house. I'd throw in something about the unjust tenant laws that are not protecting the rights of the homeowner.


:iagree:

I wonder as to the language of the lease. Most Leases mention terms, conditions and the amount of rent to be paid for how long. But there should be some language in the lease to cover utilities, privacy and "peaceful co-existence" (loud parties, visitors, etc.) This particular story seems to fail under a "peaceful co-existence" clause if it exists. If it does not exist in the Lease, then the OP has made a serious omission in that Lease and will hopefully correct that in the future.


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## PBear

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I still have doubts believing this story. However, I think if the tenant refuses to leave the premises, maybe the OP can put up signs on his property indicating that there is a man living in his house that had an affair and that he's too much of a POS to do the right thing and just leave the house. I'd throw in something about the unjust tenant laws that are not protecting the rights of the homeowner.


I understand what you're trying to accomplish, but not sure airing dirty laundry on the front yard is the best way. The tenant will be gone soon enough, one way or the other. But the OP presumably will be there much longer. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

survivorwife said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I wonder as to the language of the lease. Most Leases mention terms, conditions and the amount of rent to be paid for how long. But there should be some language in the lease to cover utilities, privacy and "peaceful co-existence" (loud parties, visitors, etc.) This particular story seems to fail under a "peaceful co-existence" clause if it exists. If it does not exist in the Lease, then the OP has made a serious omission in that Lease and will hopefully correct that in the future.


Only problem with that is the wife was one of the landlords, and according to the OP, the OM's story is that she was the instigator...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thatbpguy

Why is this so hard?

Who cares about tenant laws. They both get 60 second notices to vacate. Let them sue. I'll take my chances in court any day of the year with this one.
'


----------



## PBear

thatbpguy said:


> Why is this so hard?
> 
> Who cares about tenant laws. They both get 60 second notices to vacate. Let them sue. I'll take my chances in court any day of the year with this one.
> '


The OP can obviously do whatever he likes. Just like any betrayed spouse can chose to confront his spouse's AP and get in a physical confrontation. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl

survivorwife said:


> The latest developments indicate that the in-laws are aware of the affair, the W is having a meltdown, and the OM (tenant) is nowhere to be found (at the moment). Why does anyone assume that the tenant has a desire to stay in that household? Why would not the OP merely offer to terminate the terms of the lease in exchange for the tenant leaving prematurely and both parties go their separate ways? What stops that from happening?


The OM told the OP that he's staying until he finds another place.

OP wants him out NOW. Not some unknown time in the future.


----------



## lisab0105

The lease isn't the only thing at play here, the scumbag has established residency...30 day notice from the homeowner is required unless a restraining order is in place. Anything less, and the cops will let him back in if the locks are changed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## carmen ohio

lisab0105 said:


> The lease isn't the only thing at play here, the scumbag has established residency...30 day notice from the homeowner is required unless a restraining order is in place. Anything less, and the cops will let him back in if the locks are changed.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


lisa is correct. The law in NJ (and in most states) requires a landlord to follow a specified procedure before evicting a tenant, which typically involves giving notice, an opportunity for the tenant to correct any breach of the terms of the lease, and generally a court hearing before forceful eviction.

This is why I advised the OP several days ago to ignore much of the advice he was receiving.

I think TAM/CWI is a tremendous resource and greatly admire many of the posters and their advice, but there is a pronounced tendency for some posters to give legal advice (usually bad legal advice). This is a disservice to the OP and undermines the credibility of the other things the wanna-be lawyer says.

And, yes, I'm a lawyer. So sue me.


----------



## diwali123

OP I'm confused. She wouldn't stop crying and that was enough to get her admitted to a mental hospital?


----------



## Hardtohandle

Ataloss, everything your feeling is normal. Many if not everyone here has felt like you did some way or another. I wanted my wife back as well even though she cheated. Even after she faked reconciliation for 4 months with me. 

There is no magic words or potion that we can tell you or give you that will make you feel much better. You will come here read that we are behind you and give you some insight on what to do and then you will walk away after reading all of this and still be unsure and shaken up. 

Hopefully your in laws can give him some cash to get out ASAP.

Don't try to force anything too much. Have your sights on a destination and don't sweat it if it doesn't take you a straight line to get to that point.. The goal is to eventually get to that point, if you take some twist and turns along the way its alright..

Don't bad mouth your wife, especially in front of her family. Probably common sense but when your mind is all screwed up you tend to loose common sense.

Don't be afraid to tell people and talk. You will be amazed at what great insights people will have to tell you. Trust me it is good to get it off your chest.

Granted your story is not how my story went but my wife did have a change of attitude once she was caught. Long story short 8 months later my wife hasn't spoke to my oldest son in 2 months and my youngest is with me 5 days out of the week. My ex gave up everything and moved in with this other man. 

Nutshell as shocking is this is because of how she is right now. Don't fight to get her back. Trust me when I tell you she needs to want to come back on her own.. She needs to eat her words.. 

I tossed my wife out the door the very first time. She came back after 2 weeks of me cursing her out over the phone.. I called her every name I could think of. The word ***** was part of every sentence and just about every other word in those sentences..

End result 2 other attempted affairs later and one final successful one and yet another child in between all of that she finally left. Mind you those are the ones I know about. I don't think there are others but at this point who really knows honestly. 

But she needs to want to come back on her own.. It is the ONLY WAY you might have a chance to fix this.. The only way.. 

But you and especially her will need constant therapy. Even when you think its all okay and better she will need to go every other month solo and then with you every 4 months or so just for maintenance. If I would have done that we would have probably still been married today. So just giving you some 20/20 hindsight for the future.

But for now make sure you let everyone know your concern is your child. Get rid of that d0uche tenant and try to keep your finances in order. 

But talk, talk, talk.. Talk to anyone who will listen.. The more you talk and the more support you have the quicker the healing is..

Look I've been together with my Ex for 19 years, 8 months later I'm with someone else. My Ex could drop off the face of the earth and I wouldn't care.. Its all about my kids and me.. But trust me I fell very hard and probably tons harder then you did at first. Only because your more rational then I was when I started posting here.. My story is in my signature labeled mymistakes..


----------



## atloss

survivorwife said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I wonder as to the language of the lease. Most Leases mention terms, conditions and the amount of rent to be paid for how long. But there should be some language in the lease to cover utilities, privacy and "peaceful co-existence" (loud parties, visitors, etc.) This particular story seems to fail under a "peaceful co-existence" clause if it exists. If it does not exist in the Lease, then the OP has made a serious omission in that Lease and will hopefully correct that in the future.


This is the first time we rent - and the last ! so the lease lacks many clauses that apartment complexes professionally include. Lesson learnt. 
I'm not here to convince you of the veracity of my story. I'm here to receive advice.


----------



## PBear

atloss said:


> This is the first time we rent - and the last ! so the lease lacks many clauses that apartment complexes professionally include. Lesson learnt.
> I'm not here to convince you of the veracity of my story. I'm here to receive advice.


I don't think the problem was with your lease agreement. The problem is with your wife. Even if the OM initiated, she went happily down that path. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## atloss

Lisab, special thanks for your advice, will follow it. Will serve him the eviction notice. Thing is, both my wife and I are listed as landlords on the lease. And she does not want to evict him.

Diwali, she was not admitted to a mental hospital. She was taken to the local hospital by ambulance because we couldn't stop her hysteric crying. They kept her to make sure she won't hurt herself and have her mental state evaluated for the same reason. She's coming back tonight. They told me depression...prescribed meds...


----------



## PBear

Have you purchased your VAR yet? If your wife and OM decide they want YOU out of the house, it would be easy for them to put together a story and situation that would have you on the receiving end of a restraining order. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## atloss

Now the update: my father in law and I knocked and the tenant's door this morning. He is much more assertive than me and can be tough at times. He firmly asked the guy to move out.
But then my surprise. The tenant has been apologetic with me, and has said he moves out as soon as he finds something. But now, he changed it. He told my wife's father that he is minding his business; he doesn't come into our room, my wife keeps coming into his. That we have to solve the problem by telling my wife not go to him, that he is not obligated to move out at our request. 
My father in law was going to beat him, but I didn't want him arrested. Eventually the tenant agreed to move out, but only after he speaks with my wife. So I guess the show must go on...
My son will not come back home until the other man is gone. My inlaws just like me want to keep his innocence untarnished.


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## EleGirl

Your wife wants you to let her affair partner stay? She is in la la land.

I think that you need to get some advice from an attorney who deals with issues like this. 

My take on it is that if you give him the eviction notice and follow all the rules, use the same forms, etc. .... It's an eviction notice and the police and courts will uphold it. Your wife would have to fight you in court to undo the notice.

You need a lawyer. Many will give 1/2 to 1 hours free consolations. So lawyer shopping and pick their brains. Ask for one who will help you on an as needed basis without a huge retainer. They do exist.


----------



## atloss

PBear said:


> Have you purchased your VAR yet? If your wife and OM decide they want YOU out of the house, it would be easy for them to put together a story and situation that would have you on the receiving end of a restraining order.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I recorded all today's conversations with my phone. Came out pretty clear. The VAR is on its way, ordered it online...


----------



## ILMW

Is it required to sign both landlords on the notice? 
Try to get a notice prepared by some professional by the time your WW return from the Hosp and ask her to sign (you can get yuor in-laws help in this) on the notice before she enter inside your house.


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## EleGirl

atloss said:


> Now the update: my father in law and I knocked and the tenant's door this morning. He is much more assertive than me and can be tough at times. He firmly asked the guy to move out.
> But then my surprise. The tenant has been apologetic with me, and has said he moves out as soon as he finds something. But now, he changed it. He told my wife's father that he is minding his business; he doesn't come into our room, my wife keeps coming into his. That we have to solve the problem by telling my wife not go to him, that he is not obligated to move out at our request.
> My father in law was going to beat him, but I didn't want him arrested. Eventually the tenant agreed to move out, but only after he speaks with my wife. So I guess the show must go on...
> My son will not come back home until the other man is gone. My inlaws just like me want to keep his innocence untarnished.


You need a VAR RIGHT NOW. 

The OM is a very strange person with no conscience. You have a HUGE problem on your hands. Most people would not stay if they had done what he did.

If you can afford it, get more than one VAR. 

Keep one on your person at all times, even when you are asleep keep it near you. Lock your bedroom door as well when you are asleep. This guy is very likely to challenge you at some point. When your wife is around would be a safe time for him to do it. 

They could claim that you hit/beat/etc one or both of them. They can witness for each other to the police, in court etc. You are living with two people who are more than willing to harm you.

So not only have the VAR on your person, but put them in rooms that are common rooms and your son’s bedroom. Also check your state laws about recording in your own home. 

Also keep your cell phone near because you can use the camera to record what’s going on if it gets out of hand.

You need VAR(s) and a lawyer.


----------



## atloss

The time is too short. She's back today. They called me as they're doing her discharge papers to pick her up


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## PBear

atloss said:


> I recorded all today's conversations with my phone. Came out pretty clear. The VAR is on its way, ordered it online...


That's good. Now, have you talked to assure about the eviction process yet?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67

EleGirl said:


> You need a VAR RIGHT NOW.
> 
> The OM is a very strange person with no conscience. You have a HUGE problem on your hands. Most people would not stay if they had done what he did.
> 
> If you can afford it, get more than one VAR.
> 
> Keep one on your person at all times, even when you are asleep keep it near you. Lock your bedroom door as well when you are asleep. This guy is very likely to challenge you at some point. When your wife is around would be a safe time for him to do it.
> 
> They could claim that you hit/beat/etc one or both of them. They can witness for each other to the police, in court etc. You are living with two people who are more than willing to harm you.
> 
> So not only have the VAR on your person, but put them in rooms that are common rooms and your son’s bedroom. Also check your state laws about recording in your own home.
> 
> Also keep your cell phone near because you can use the camera to record what’s going on if it gets out of hand.
> 
> You need VAR(s) and a lawyer.


They could be planning a set up.


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## whowouldhavethought

atloss said:


> The time is too short. She's back today. They called me as they're doing her discharge papers to pick her up


Pick her up and drop her at her parent's house.

WWHT


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## atloss

whowouldhavethought said:


> Pick her up and drop her at her parent's house.
> 
> WWHT


That can be a good idea. But she won't want to go. She's probably itching to see him


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## Jasel

Her parents aren't willing to take her for a bit??


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## atloss

They would be willing, but she won't want.


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## PBear

Btw. With New Jersey being an at fault state, it would be worthwhile to get proof of her infidelity. You don't want a "he said/she said" courtroom battle. And get in touch with a divorce attorney too!

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 6301

For what reason should he be allowed to talk to your wife about this? It's BS in the first degree because he knows that there's a good chance she will tell both you and FIL to go pound salt. If there was any kind of sanity in either this guys head he should go. Lucky for him that hubby isn't a violent man. What this genius doesn't understand is that people get killed by doing what he did but I think your out of her mind wife convinced him that your harmless and he's pushing buttons. Tell him that he's not talking to your wife now or later and to get the hell out now and if he wants to talk to her, he can when he finds new digs for both of them when you kick her out too. If he doesn't budge, then when he's gone throw his crap out in the street and let him take you to court. I'd rather take the chance with a judge after you tell the story of what they did. Not to mention that you also have your in laws on your side and there's a kid involved which is a biggie to a judge. This has gone on for way too long man. Bounce his ass out now.


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## atloss

So, the recorded conversation between him, I and my father in law is a proof then. I will keep recording everything. Lost my wife, I won't lose my house too. 
I'm getting dressed to pick her up. Wish me luck, it's almost like I'm scared to face her ! What is wrong with me??


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## whowouldhavethought

PArt of me says you should just move out now. Too dangerous for you to stay.

WWHT


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## tom67

I suggest you call a few friends and meet you back home to at least have witnesses there for your protection jmo.


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## Dyokemm

So he has to talk to her?

Now you know he's a liar in addition to being a POS. If he has no desire for any relationship with her, and it was just free sex to him, why the h**l would he have to talk to her to make a decision?

Man, if this piece of trash was dealing with my group of fiends he would start to be randomly assaulted by 'strangers' in the neighborhood every time he came home.


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## thatbpguy

I suppose you can pack and just go. Leave her the house, her lover... file for divorce...

Seems to me this is being made out to be a lot more complex than it needs to be. All this touchy-feely legal garbage. I actually think that's a large part of the problem- someone (like your father was going to do) needs to grow a pair, take the bull by he horn(s) and _act_.

_[sigh]_ The pu$$yfication of the world.


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## EleGirl

atloss said:


> That can be a good idea. But she won't want to go. She's probably itching to see him


It's easy.. her parents pick her up and they take her to their house.

Talk to her father. I'm sure he will not want her around the OM.

Get a VAR now. You do not have time to wait for mail order.

Unless you live in the middle of nowhere there are stores around you that sell them.

Or.... just make sure you can record on your cell and download the recordings to a safe place.

Do not be around her without some recording device turned on.


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## EleGirl

atloss said:


> So, the recorded conversation between him, I and my father in law is a proof then. I will keep recording everything. Lost my wife, I won't lose my house too.
> I'm getting dressed to pick her up. Wish me luck, it's almost like I'm scared to face her ! What is wrong with me??


Make sure that you download all recordings and save them someplace safe like on a cloud account... www.dropbox.com is one free service you can use.


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## Chaparral

From what I have found, when it comes to alimony, division of property and custody, adultery can be considered by the judge in making his decision in NewJersey

It has come up here that in all states the Om/ow can be sued for intentional infliction of emotional distress.

Why didn't you talk to a lawyer today?


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

atloss said:


> Now the update: my father in law and I knocked and the tenant's door this morning. He is much more assertive than me and can be tough at times. He firmly asked the guy to move out.
> But then my surprise. The tenant has been apologetic with me, and has said he moves out as soon as he finds something. But now, he changed it. He told my wife's father that he is minding his business; he doesn't come into our room, my wife keeps coming into his. That we have to solve the problem by telling my wife not go to him, that he is not obligated to move out at our request.
> My father in law was going to beat him, but I didn't want him arrested. Eventually the tenant agreed to move out, but only after he speaks with my wife. So I guess the show must go on...
> My son will not come back home until the other man is gone. My inlaws just like me want to keep his innocence untarnished.


We keep telling you to file for a emergency restraining order. You keep ignoring everybody's advice. Now the guy is telling you he will move after he talks to your wife. It is like he is in charge of your home and family.


Keep ignoring the collective wisdom here and you will be the one evicted from your own home paying child support and alimony so she can support this guy with your paycheck. Why you insist on sitting down with this man after how he has disrespected you is beyond me. GET THE RO NOW!!!!!


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## Nucking Futs

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> We keep telling you to file for a emergency restraining order. You keep ignoring everybody's advice. Now the guy is telling you he will move after he talks to your wife. It is like he is in charge of your home and family.
> 
> 
> Keep ignoring the collective wisdom here and you will be the one evicted from your own home paying child support and alimony so she can support this guy with your paycheck. Why you insist on sitting down with this man after how he has disrespected you is beyond me. GET THE RO NOW!!!!!


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Thorburn

This is just freaking driving me over the edge. The dude would not be in my house period.


----------



## barbados

Shaggy said:


> Then basically you are saying that in these additional ways NJ is a h3ll hole that no sane person should choose to live in, because they favor cheating scum, and trash like the OM who if he had any shame at all would have high tailed it out of there as soon as the OP discovered it all.
> 
> Wow, just wow.


Unfortunate but true. Lisa is correct.


----------



## Hardtohandle

Look guys and gals. I get the idea of wanting to throw him out.. 

But here is the issue as I see it. 

Having an affair is in no way a violent act.. There was no danger to the child or anyone else. So there is no threat honestly.

Now the OP could have violated some laws by renting a room in his home, thus maybe the community board could say you can't do that and fine him. Thus forcing the person to move out because of some community board violation. 

But if there is no such issue. The OP would have to pretty much lie that the person was a threat and feared for his life. He would have to articulate quite clearly that there is some sort of threat. 

But if he called the cops to make a report the cops would come and then ask what was going on. If this guy is very articulate and honest and says look I'm honestly looking to leave but I have no place to go.. I'm not looking to cause issues here. I have lived here 5 months and I am looking to leave but I need at least a few weeks. It just doesn't happen over night. 

The cops will pretty much a hard time doing anything here. It will be referred to landlord tenant court. 

Now mind you if I was there I would try to convince the guy to leave and that if things get ugly it could get bad for him and even cost his life if the husband was to snap. A room just isn't worth this hassle and possibly his life. But some cops just might go there and say no crime go to landlord tenant court. They will not be emotionally invested in this. 

End result they engaged in a legal contract for housing and having an affair just does not constitute an eviction. I know it completely sucks.. But it is a sad and hard reality..

Trust me being a cop I wanted to toss my wife out on her a$$ and kick the crap out of this other man out of principal but my wife knew she could call my job with 3 numbers.. Hello 911 my husband the cop just did this to me or my boyfriend.. I had to sit on my hand when this other man would kiss my fvcking son goodbye and he got into the car. 


It all sucks.. 

This is why I say, have a destination and don't go nuts how you get there.. Just keep your eye on the mark and make your way to your destination regardless of the twist and turns it takes you to get there.


----------



## diwali123

May I suggest taking the door to his room off the hinges and hiding it? Putting a lock on the outside of the bathroom door that only you have the key to?


----------



## LostViking

Go and buy some Hormel chili. Eat about three cans and take a laxative. 

When the time comes, go into his bedroom and leave a big stinky pile on the floor in the corner. 

Then when he comes after you, let him hit you. Make sure you have a camera rolling or a friend to act as witness. Then call the cops and have a RO served on him.


----------



## tom67

LostViking said:


> Go and buy some Hormel chili. Eat about three cans and take a laxative.
> 
> When the time comes, go into his bedroom and leave a big stinky pile on the floor in the corner.
> 
> Then when he comes after you, let him hit you. Make sure you have a camera rolling or a friend to act as witness. Then call the cops and have a RO served on him.


:lol::rofl::rofl::iagree:


----------



## Shaggy

Hardtohandle said:


> Look guys and gals. I get the idea of wanting to throw him out..
> 
> But here is the issue as I see it.
> 
> Having an affair is in no way a violent act.. There was no danger to the child or anyone else. So there is no threat honestly.
> 
> Now the OP could have violated some laws by renting a room in his home, thus maybe the community board could say you can't do that and fine him. Thus forcing the person to move out because of some community board violation.
> 
> But if there is no such issue. The OP would have to pretty much lie that the person was a threat and feared for his life. He would have to articulate quite clearly that there is some sort of threat.
> 
> But if he called the cops to make a report the cops would come and then ask what was going on. If this guy is very articulate and honest and says look I'm honestly looking to leave but I have no place to go.. I'm not looking to cause issues here. I have lived here 5 months and I am looking to leave but I need at least a few weeks. It just doesn't happen over night.
> 
> The cops will pretty much a hard time doing anything here. It will be referred to landlord tenant court.
> 
> Now mind you if I was there I would try to convince the guy to leave and that if things get ugly it could get bad for him and even cost his life if the husband was to snap. A room just isn't worth this hassle and possibly his life. But some cops just might go there and say no crime go to landlord tenant court. They will not be emotionally invested in this.
> 
> End result they engaged in a legal contract for housing and having an affair just does not constitute an eviction. I know it completely sucks.. But it is a sad and hard reality..
> 
> Trust me being a cop I wanted to toss my wife out on her a$$ and kick the crap out of this other man out of principal but my wife knew she could call my job with 3 numbers.. Hello 911 my husband the cop just did this to me or my boyfriend.. I had to sit on my hand when this other man would kiss my fvcking son goodbye and he got into the car.
> 
> 
> It all sucks..
> 
> This is why I say, have a destination and don't go nuts how you get there.. Just keep your eye on the mark and make your way to your destination regardless of the twist and turns it takes you to get there.



The other party doesn't need to hit you for you to feel threatened and for you to suffer damages

Right now the son has had to be removed from the house. Each day he is away, the OP is suffering emotional damages.

As for the OM, then make life there unhappy. Have friends and you do a 24x7 vigil there. Music, bad music such as Kenny Rogers, and cook with a lot of garlic. I presume he doesn't have his own bathroom? See if you can have it occupied.

Oh, and make sure to post him to cheaterville.com

Y'all worry too much about the details at the expense if the bigger goals of right and wrong sometimes.


----------



## weightlifter

Oncefiled he needs a nympho exhibitionist new girfriend who does not mind other people around while they do the deed!


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## ThePheonix

Shaggy said:


> Oh, and make sure to post him to cheaterville.com
> 
> Y'all worry too much about the details at the expense if the bigger goals of right and wrong sometimes.


According to the tenant, the wife pursuing him and banging him on his legally occupied property. Its the wife that ought to be on cheatersville. Moreover, if the woman has a half way decent appearance, how many red blooded single guys in their 20's are going to stop her from sliding into their bed? Let's face it, it's the wife that's the problem in this story.


----------



## tom67

Shaggy said:


> The other party doesn't need to hit you for you to feel threatened and for you to suffer damages
> 
> Right now the son has had to be removed from the house. Each day he is away, the OP is suffering emotional damages.
> 
> As for the OM, then make life there unhappy. Have friends and you do a 24x7 vigil there. Music, bad music such as Kenny Rogers, and cook with a lot of garlic. I presume he doesn't have his own bathroom? See if you can have it occupied.
> 
> Oh, and make sure to post him to cheaterville.com
> 
> Y'all worry too much about the details at the expense if the bigger goals of right and wrong sometimes.


Play "lady" over and over lol better yet play david soul's " don't give up on us baby" Ugh girl across the street kept on playing it over and over what was that like 78? whatever!


----------



## Shaggy

ThePheonix said:


> According to the tenant, the wife pursuing him and banging him on his legally occupied property. Its the wife that ought to be on cheatersville. Moreover, if the woman has a half way decent appearance, how many red blooded single guys in their 20's are going to stop her from sliding into their bed? Let's face it, it's the wife that's the problem in this story.


Ok, so post her too.

Though at the moment the goal is to get the OM gone.

Perhaps a different plan is right. Maybe the OP could get some hardcore gay BSDM porn on the computer and inform the OM that what was good for the goose, will be good for the gander !

That might freak him out enough to leave?


----------



## Shaggy

tom67 said:


> Play "lady" over and over lol better yet play david soul's " don't give up on us baby" Ugh girl across the street kept on playing it over and over what was that like 78? whatever!


I'll suggest either Dirt Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, or YMCA, or anything by Cher.


----------



## tom67

Shaggy said:


> Ok, so post her too.
> 
> Though at the moment the goal is to get the OM gone.
> 
> Perhaps a different plan is right. Maybe the OP could get some hardcore gay BSDM porn on the computer and inform the OM that what was good for the goose, will be good for the gander !
> 
> That might freak him out enough to leave?


Have him subscribed to gay porn mags


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## EleGirl

The song "He's Coming to Take You Away" on an infinite loop.. it works very well.


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## Chaparral

It worked for the US Army in Panama. 

Sometimes you just have to do what's right when the judicial system loses its way.


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## Will_Kane

How sure are you that your wife did not know this guy before you rented to him?


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## PBear

tom67 said:


> Have him subscribed to gay porn mags


Except that if he would have filed the eviction paperwork 3 days ago when all this stuff came up, there wouldn't even be time for a magazine to be delivered... The OP needs to focus on the legal process and get that started, no matter what hogwash the OM says about needing to talk to his wife and then he'll move out. The 30 day period (assuming that's the case in NJ) won't start until the paperwork is filed. 

C


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## ThePheonix

Shaggy said:


> Though at the moment the goal is to get the OM gone.


I'd recommend keeping the paying tenant and getting rid of the problem wife.


----------



## ILMW

Ask your in-laws to stay with you till, OM vacates.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## atloss

Oh my god. What a night. 
So I went to pick up my wife. They gave her a pill so she was all soft and calm. We got to talk in the car on the way home. She basically admitted to what the other man has said : that she pursued him and initiated the affair. She said it's not just unattached sex; that they exchanged "I love yous" and she is confident that she can get him to change his mind regarding a long term relationship ( outrageous as it is ! )

After she admitted it all, with me secretly recording everything on my phone, she asked about our son. I told her he's with her parents, where he remains until she acts like a mother and a decent person not like a slvt. She started to grow more agitated. She asked me to drive her to her parents and so I did. 
Over there my in laws told her the same thing: they would not allow the child around the other man and nor would I. An argument started. My wife still refused to throw away the other man. At some point my father in law threatened to take off his belt and "spank the hell out of you, grown up as you are ". For a moment I really thought he was gonna do just that. This made my wife quiet.

After a long and tiring debate, she gave in. She was going to tell her lover to evacuate. So there we were, going home, with her angry at me again.
The guy was in the kitchen cooking pasta. He pretended to barely acknowledge us entering. My wife invited him to sit down and told him that due to circumstances out of her hand that concern our child, she has to let him go; he quietly nodded, looking down. And then she dropped the bomb : that she will not give up this relationship...she wants us to sell the house and divorce.

I almost started crying right there the pain was simply heart wrenching. But I mastered myself. I left them there, at the kitchen table, and locked myself in my room where I stayed until now. I texted my father in law the news. He says he is beyond ashamed with her as a daughter right now. I too am ashamed with her as a wife. I hate myself for still wanting her.

I think the guy is packing in his room. I'm crying quietly and starting to search for divorce lawyers...


----------



## rrrbbbttt

Hope you VAR'd everything.

Talk to a Lawyer.

Separate your finances

Get tested for STD's

Do a DNA test on your child, yeah, if she is this way now don't count on it being yours.

DO THE 180.


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## crossbar

Well. Okay dude. She just declared war. Time to open up a can of man with a side of whoop ass.

You lost your wife, but make it damn sure that your aren't going to lose your home and your son. You shouldn't have to lose your home because she decided to have an affair. Your son shouldn't have to lose the only home he's ever had over her screwing someone else.

So, talk to a lawyer. See about getting a restraining order against the OM that he can't be around your son until the divorce is finalized. State that it would be too confusing to your son. Courts will probably agree. They could give a damn about you and your WW. But, they DO give a damn about the well being of a child. 

If you get an RO against the OM, he will have no choice but to leave. And your WW has got her head so far up the OM ass that she'll probably follow. if that happens, document when she leaves. Courts can view that as abandonment of the home and marriage (which only strengthens your case to keep the home and telling you that if YOU sell the home, then you would need to pay her half the proceeds)

Right now, she is so far in the affair fog that she's going to do a lot of stupid things which you can use to strengthen your case in court. Even a low blow about her being admitted to the hospital for a mental breakdown. Do you think the courts are going to award your wife as the custodial parent if you can prove that she's mentally unstable? Currently medicated for a mental condition?

Look, your wife is gone. And she's been replace with someone that wants to destroy everything you have and everything you built for her own selfish wants. Time to start protecting yourself and your son. It's time to start fighting.


----------



## Nucking Futs

You're getting some good advice here. Definitely get in touch with a lawyer as soon as possible. Find out what your rights are.

DNA test your child. You need to know if this is actually biologically your child, regardless of how you feel about him. There are two reasons. First, you need to know how long your "wife" has been betraying you. Second, if he's not yours, you have two possibilites. One, you can sue to sever your legal responsibilities to him if you want to. I'm not sure how the laws are in your state, it may be something you can't win, but your shark can advise you. Two, if you don't want to lose him, you absolutely need to get the bio fathers family medical history for your sons safety.

Go for the restraining order. Have your shark write up a separation agreement that is totally favorable to you, 100% custody with child support, you keep the house, etc. She walks away with OM and her personal effects, nothing else. Present that to her and tell her if she signs it she and OM can just walk away, no drama, no huge legal fees, simple and easy. If not, tell her that you will bankrupt both of you fighting her every step of the way. Let her know that you'll be requesting minimal supervised visitation between her and son, and if she agrees on that you'll allow her parents to supervise, otherwise it will be CPS. Be prepared to negotiate down to 100% custody and no child support. One thing you don't compromise on, the agreement must include a clause that your child can have no contact at all with OM. Tell her that's non-negotiable and your shark tells you it's a slam dunk for a judge to agree to. 

You won't get this stuff from a judge but in her current whacked in the head state she might agree to terms heavily skewed in your favor.

It's time to get nasty. You're going to be sad, go ahead and cry, you need to work through the grief. Just don't do it where she can see or hear it. You need to be a cold, heartless machine in dealing with her now.

She's heavily in the fog right now. You must strike while the iron is hot.


----------



## BashfulB

This is all good advice. Follow it. You seem like a very good guy who did not deserve any of this. My heart goes out to you. I know the pain you are feeling. Just let her go. Let him have her. This fantasy won't last long and down the road she will wake up and realize what she has done. Just keep this day burned in your memory in case she comes back and wants to reconcile. Remind yourself what a cold heartless woman she is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

OP. After the shock wears off.
Go to community tab at top
Click member list
Go to B
Click BFF
Read his entire main thread and picture yourself there in a year and a half. 
THEN BELIEVE IT

Sorry you are here

AT this point. Dont blow up the affair. Divorce then use her fog against her to get what you want.


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## Chaparral

Does renting out a room entitle him the run of the house, kitchen etc.? I rented rooms in college, my grandparents rented rooms to a single lady but there was total separation between everyone.

He Uses your kitchen?


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## BjornFree

She's long gone, let her go. Good riddance to bad rubbish and I'm sorry to say that she is rubbish.

As hard as it will be, you need to move on and start detaching right away. It will get easier until one day you'll feel nothing for her and will probably look back and laugh at how you settled for so little.


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## Chaparral

Take his picture and put him on cheaterville.com. It will make you feel a little better. BTW, send him and your wife the link.


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## the guy

Be strong brother.
Show your old lady how confident you are even if your not.
She has to see you moving forward with strenght...see the more positive you and start cutting her off both finacially and emotionaly she just might start to second guess her choices.

See you surely can't compete with new love but you definatly don't have to lay down, stop showering and crumble...

In fact now is the time to do the oppisite, once the OM is out of the house it has to be you that goes out and let her stay home a be the baby sitter.

Go get some new clothes get a shave and a hair cut and the most important thing is to work out. Lifting helps a lot trust me!

Start looking good and you will start feeling good.

When I was going thru this crap my montra was "I diserve good things" I repeated that everytime the evil thoughts came into my head.

At the end of the day chicks dig confident men, donot let your old lady define you, and thank her for the "get out of jail free" card.

Even if you have to fake it ...smile, wish her the best and thank her for letting you go...then tell her " by the way I'm going out your watching the boy"

Then go shopping and get a hair cut.

The point here brother is do what *ever* you can to make her second guess her choices. She has to see her new reality that you will not be there for her....you have to force her into the OM arms

Its suck but there is no other way for the OM to get sick of her enless the OM has to deal with her. Sorry bro but now that the affair is out it just not that exciting any more. She will be putting up with the same sh1t put with a different guy.

Sorry my man but she is gone and the only way to get her back is for the OM to bail on her and for you to start looking better then ever before.

To all the other poster...don't give me any sh1t for trying to help this guy get his old lady back....I'm trying to help the man out here... so what!

Besides we all know how this works out in the end.. he works on him self, feels better for it, and in a year the regrettful WW wants her family back and wants OP to drop his new girl friend.


----------



## the guy

Sorry for the long post, but there is some good sh1t in there so read it...
All of it came from my experience, both for being in this community for 3 years and in my own phucked up marriage.


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## EleGirl

I'm so sorry.

The chances of your wife's relationship with the OM lasting more than a few months more is less than 3%. If she goes this route with him she will be alone. But she's in a fog right now and has no clue.

I have no doubt that you will tell your attorney about her affair. Make sure that your wife’s adultery and the name of the OM is mentioned in the divorce. 
Ask for an emergency hearing to obtain court orders for the following:

OM cannot be around your child at least till the divorce is final.
Your wife cannot move your child out of your home. It’s his family home and not in his best interest for him to be dragged out. 
Giving you at least 50% custody, see if your attorney will got for 100% custody for you.
Your wife only has supervised custody. She’s unstable as evidenced by her recent trip to the hospital for a nervous breakdown. {If she starts acting out again call 911 and get her behind drug back there again.)
 Have OM listed as a "Co-Respondent". He will also be party to your divorce law suit.

By the way, you are legally ok with the records you have made to date. They can be used in court against her if needed. New Jersey is a one-party wire taping law.

New Jersey Recording Law | Digital Media Law Project

*New Jersey Wiretapping Law*

New Jersey's wiretapping law is a *"one-party consent"* law. New Jersey makes it a crime to intercept or record an in-person or telephone conversation *unless one party to the conversation consents*. N.J. Stat. §§ 2A:156A-3, -4. (link is to the entire code; you need to click through to Title 2A, Article 156A, and then locate the specific provisions). Thus, if you operate in New Jersey, you may record a conversation or phone call if you are a party to the conversation or you get permission from one party to the conversation in advance. That said, if you intend to record conversations involving people located in more than one state, you should play it safe and get the consent of all parties. 

In addition to subjecting you to criminal prosecution, violating the New Jersey wiretapping law can expose you to a civil lawsuit for damages by an injured party. 

New Jersey Recording Law | Digital Media Law Project

ETA: more information


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## EleGirl

How much equity do you have in your house? You have not owned it all that long have you? Maybe you could agree to pay her ½ of the equity or ½ of what you two put in as a down payment, whichever is the lower amount.

Another thing that you might be able to do is to ask the court to give you the home because you have been injured by her adultery.


New Jersey Divorce Law Adulterers
How To Prove Adultery
I’m not quoting this section. You might want to read it, but you have absolute proof of the affair.. the recordings you have.

Naming the Co-Respondent
Sometimes known as a paramour, the co-respondent is the person whom you charge as having committed adultery with your spouse. The co-respondent has the right to hire a lawyer and file an answer to your complaint. Naming co-respondents can get sticky, particularly if your facts are incorrect. You might be damaging the reputation of an innocent person

The Adulterers

"Adulterers are not equal under the blanket of the law. In New Jersey, adultery may impact custody if the adultery is proven to have harmed or impaired the children. Adultery does not necessarily affect alimony awards in New Jersey. It will, however, be a factor for consideration in awarding alimony."


----------



## lifeistooshort

FYI, it is not a given that during a divorce the marital home must be sold if a minor child is living there. I got to keep the house with the agreement that if I sold it he would get his half and if I hadn't when our youngest turned 18 I had to either sell it or buy him out. Show her the door and get thee to a lawyer now. The woman you knew is gone, it's time to play hardball. There's also a good chance she'll try to come back when her new thing blows up. Think long and hard about whether you want her back; she's shown you who she is. Believe her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral

Check out dadsdivorce.com


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## EleGirl

If you still want to try to recover your marriage it’s ok. It’s your life, your marriage and your family. You make that decision. Some here will give you hell for even contemplating it. But if you want to give it a try then do. But do it wisely.

I suggest a two prong plan. 

Things to consider:

1)	OM is going to dump your wife here soon. She will be too much of a burden for him. That infatuation goes out the window once the responsibilities of real life hit the affair.

2)	Your wife and you will most likely stay in your home until the divorce is final. It is both of your legal residence. Neither of you can kick the other out until there is a court order for one of you to move. This means that you have an advantage.. she’s there with you every day.

3)	Remember that a divorce can be stopped at any time before a judge signs the final decree. But if you file based on adultery, then take her back and cancel the divorce, then you cannot use this particular instance of adultery again as basis for a divorce in the future. {It’s all complicated and mind boggling, I know.} So ask your attorney about this and/or research on line how the court looks at it if you re-establish your relationship (especially sexual) after you found out about the affair.

So you can pursue divorce and reconciliation. File for divorce. And then work on being a better you around her. Also read the book “Surviving an Affair” by Dr. Harley. The book talks about a Plan A and a Plan B.

Plan A is what you do when you are trying to get the WS to end the affair and commit to marital recovery. Most BS can only do this for a couple of weeks. I think that this is where you are at. Once the OM is gone, you have a much better chance of getting through to her that she’s made a huge mistake and to get her to end the affair. The book goes into detail on what you can do to influence her to end the affair. And then what to do if she agrees to reconciliation (and of course if you want to reconcile by the time she sees the light.)

Plan B is what you do when the WS continues the affair… it’s basically the BS starts to move on as their love for the WS dies.

There is good info in the book. More than can be covered on a forum.


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## Thor

Plan A is death to a Nice Guy. And I think the OP is a Really Nice Guy.

Plan A is very very short term. Don't get sucked into it!

Ele brings up a point about how the law looks at things if you reestablish a relationship with her. Sex with her could constitute forgiveness for her adultery, at least in the eyes of the law. Because adultery is a factor in your state for divorce settlements, DO NOT HAVE SEX with her if there is any chance you will divorce her.


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## weightlifter

I would never in my life thought nj would have any consideration for adultry.


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## lisab0105

weightlifter said:


> I would never in my life thought nj would have any consideration for adultry.


See, Jersey's good for something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## weightlifter

In nj Isnt it 18 months for divorce tho? No matter what.


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## 3putt

weightlifter said:


> In nj Isnt it 18 months for divorce tho? No matter what.


No, that's for no fault. Adultery is no time limit.


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## Mr Blunt

Ataloss

At this time your wife is way too far gone, she is very deep into the fog. In addition, she pursued the OM and made a conscience decision to betray you, her child, and her parents. On top of all that when you and her parents tried to help her out of her fog she took the other man’s side. *That is a very gigantic demonstration of a very damaged woman!*

Maybe there are people that can mend this type of a situation and make a marriage work but I think the chances are slim to none and slim may have left the building.

I would suggest that you get any and all the help you can so that you can build yourself up and STOP allowing your mind and emotions to be so consumed by your wife. I know that is a tall order but if you are going to get through this then you have no choice; you have to fight like hell for yourself. She has set this up so that it is either you or her right now; this is now the survival of the fittest. She is not one bit remorseful and you better make a decision so that the added anguish of indecision does not weigh you down even more.

Your biggest obstacle to you getting better and not worse are for you to continue to allow your emotions and thoughts to be molested by your wife. She has already betrayed you and your child in such a selfish heartless way; do not let her continue to destroy you.

*Several of the posts that are on this forum tell of the WS being jarred out of their fog at least a little bit once they have the spouse, family, or child confront them. Your wife did not and is very adamant about her decision to choose the OM over you, her child, ad her parents.* I know the choice is yours to make but I think there is a better chance of you winning the lottery than saving a marriage to a satisfactory degree.

I would suggest that you write her off completely and get busy setting up your legal win in the areas of your child and your finances. ALL your attention should be in this area along with you doing everything to build yourself up and have nothing to do with your wife in thought and actions. *She is way to far gone for you to gamble on having a satifactory marriage with her IMO*

I usually look for ways to R but with this one so far at this time I see none. Hope someone proves me wrong.


----------



## ThePheonix

Mr Blunt said:


> Maybe there are people that can mend this type of a situation and make a marriage work




I think "making a marriage work" is pretty much nonsense. My last marriage has worked for 20 years and I haven't had to make that happen. It just does. If I had to toil and struggle to stay married, I'd be better single. Marriage is suppose to be pleasurable, not living in agony and struggling everyday to maintain that lifestyle..

In this story, its clear that the wife doesn't love the husband. Him putting up with this vampire just to stay married to her is beyond my comprehension. If I was in my early thirties like he claims to be, most of my stress would come from trying to decide whether I was spending the next weekend, with Susan, Linda, Heather, Sheila, or Sandra.


----------



## crossbar

Okay, If you go along the lines of what Elegirl said with the one party wire tap law, then here's what you do. When you place the RO and start rocking their world, anytime your phone rings and it's your wife, let it go to voicemail. EVERYTIME!!!

When she leaves a message for you; in order for her to do that, she has to wait for the beep then talk. But, she KNOWS she's being recorded. So, you're not breaking any laws. Save all recordings! She may go ballistic and threaten you, threaten to take your son away from you, humiliate you....and it's all legally recorded.


----------



## carmen ohio

ThePheonix said:


> I'd recommend keeping the paying tenant and getting rid of the problem wife.


Best one-liner of the day. :smthumbup:


----------



## Nucking Futs

crossbar said:


> Okay, If you go along the lines of what Elegirl said with the one party wire tap law, then here's what you do. When you place the RO and start rocking their world, anytime your phone rings and it's your wife, let it go to voicemail. EVERYTIME!!!
> 
> When she leaves a message for you; in order for her to do that, she has to wait for the beep then talk. But, she KNOWS she's being recorded. So, you're not breaking any laws. Save all recordings! She may go ballistic and threaten you, threaten to take your son away from you, humiliate you....and it's all legally recorded.


The whole point of it being a one party consent state is that you don't have to jump through these hoops. As long as you are part of the conversation you can legally record it and use it in court without notifying anybody else involved in the conversation that they are being recorded.


----------



## PBear

crossbar said:


> Okay, If you go along the lines of what Elegirl said with the one party wire tap law, then here's what you do. When you place the RO and start rocking their world, anytime your phone rings and it's your wife, let it go to voicemail. EVERYTIME!!!
> 
> When she leaves a message for you; in order for her to do that, she has to wait for the beep then talk. But, she KNOWS she's being recorded. So, you're not breaking any laws. Save all recordings! She may go ballistic and threaten you, threaten to take your son away from you, humiliate you....and it's all legally recorded.


One party recording means that only one person needs to know they're being recorded and consents to it. Presumably, if you're recording a conversation with someone else, you consent to being recorded. So it doesn't matter if the other person knows or not.

C


----------



## LonelyinLove

the guy said:


> Be strong brother.
> Show your old lady how confident you are even if your not.
> She has to see you moving forward with strenght...see the more positive you and start cutting her off both finacially and emotionaly she just might start to second guess her choices.
> 
> See you surely can't compete with new love but you definatly don't have to lay down, stop showering and crumble...
> 
> In fact now is the time to do the oppisite, once the OM is out of the house it has to be you that goes out and let her stay home a be the baby sitter.
> 
> Go get some new clothes get a shave and a hair cut and the most important thing is to work out. Lifting helps a lot trust me!
> 
> Start looking good and you will start feeling good.
> 
> When I was going thru this crap my montra was "I diserve good things" I repeated that everytime the evil thoughts came into my head.
> 
> At the end of the day chicks dig confident men, donot let your old lady define you, and thank her for the "get out of jail free" card.
> 
> Even if you have to fake it ...smile, wish her the best and thank her for letting you go...then tell her " by the way I'm going out your watching the boy"
> 
> Then go shopping and get a hair cut.
> 
> The point here brother is do what *ever* you can to make her second guess her choices. She has to see her new reality that you will not be there for her....you have to force her into the OM arms
> 
> Its suck but there is no other way for the OM to get sick of her enless the OM has to deal with her. Sorry bro but now that the affair is out it just not that exciting any more. She will be putting up with the same sh1t put with a different guy.
> 
> Sorry my man but she is gone and the only way to get her back is for the OM to bail on her and for you to start looking better then ever before.
> 
> To all the other poster...don't give me any sh1t for trying to help this guy get his old lady back....I'm trying to help the man out here... so what!
> 
> Besides we all know how this works out in the end.. he works on him self, feels better for it, and in a year the regrettful WW wants her family back and wants OP to drop his new girl friend.


This! Do it.

There is a chance you may still R, but you need to set the bar real high.


----------



## LongWalk

LonelyinLove said:


> This! Do it.
> 
> There is a chance you may still R, but you need to set the bar real high.


Agree. Take up Thai kick boxing or jujitsu, as well as weights. Your wife's ovaries took control. It's nature's message to you to get in shape and toughen up. Make certain that you do more than survive. It will be tough for a while. Shytty R is not desirable
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TDSC60

I am truly amazed at how many BS come here wanting the WS back. They do not realize that the one constant in life is change. It cannot be avoided. If they could only realize that the WS they think they want back is not the same person they married - they have changed - and not for the better. They cannot get the loving caring spouse back because that person is a fantasy - they no longer exit.

Good luck poster with whatever you plan to do.


----------



## Thor

lisab0105 said:


> See, Jersey's good for something.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And great beaches!

My state, Utah, is one of the worst for alimony, and there is zero consideration of adultery. Weird that we're worse than NJ.


----------



## crossbar

PBear said:


> One party recording means that only one person needs to know they're being recorded and consents to it. Presumably, if you're recording a conversation with someone else, you consent to being recorded. So it doesn't matter if the other person knows or not.
> 
> C


 OPPS!!! Sorry! I misread the law. Paint me stupid....


----------



## EleGirl

Thor said:


> Plan A is death to a Nice Guy. And I think the OP is a Really Nice Guy.
> 
> Plan A is very very short term. Don't get sucked into it!
> 
> Ele brings up a point about how the law looks at things if you reestablish a relationship with her. Sex with her could constitute forgiveness for her adultery, at least in the eyes of the law. Because adultery is a factor in your state for divorce settlements, DO NOT HAVE SEX with her if there is any chance you will divorce her.


It seems that a lot of people misunderstand Plan A. Its not about being a "nice guy". Its about being the best a person can be under the circumstances... for a short period of time.

Some BS's really what to reconcile. It works. So it can be worth a try.


----------



## ThePheonix

TDSC60 said:


> I am truly amazed at how many BS come here wanting the WS back.



Here's what I believe is true. The only way a BS is going to get a WS back is if the BS is doing something to cause the affair and is as willing to stop that activity and the WS is is only in the affair because of the BS activity. 
Most often the WS has already lost romantic interest the BS before the affair starts. When that happens, they may reconcile to save the "marriage", kids, etc., but the soul of the marriage is gone. From that point on, one or both will feel trapped in a joyless and unfulfilled habitat and will always question their judgement to not divorce .


----------



## EleGirl

ThePheonix said:


> Here's what I believe is true. The only way a BS is going to get a WS back is if the BS is doing something to cause the affair and is as willing to stop that activity and the WS is is only in the affair because of the BS activity.
> Most often the WS has already lost romantic interest the BS before the affair starts. When that happens, they may reconcile to save the "marriage", kids, etc., but the soul of the marriage is gone. From that point on, one or both will feel trapped in a joyless and unfulfilled habitat and will always question their judgement to not divorce .


The issue is whether or not the BS has done something that broke the marriage... such as working so many hours that the WS ends up feeling abandoned and unloved. Many good people have no clue about how to nurture a relationship and end up with spouses (also good people) who think that the marriage is over and they start to move on via affairs.

Often times the discovery of an affair is the wakeup call to fix the marriage. There is plenty of evidence out there that couple can repair a marriage, even after an affair, and go on to have a marriage that is better than what they had before.


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## BashfulB

I will wager good money that won't happen in this case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThePheonix

EleGirl said:


> Often times the discovery of an affair is the wakeup call to fix the marriage. There is plenty of evidence out there that couple can repair a marriage, even after an affair, and go on to have a marriage that is better than what they had before.


Ele, that's the situation where the BS is willing to recognize their contribution to the breakdown and change that behavior. Like my Aunt Marguerite would say, " Mon Shea, you don't want to spend all your time runnin de road and leavin dat wife of yours craven for your affection". 
I don't have any valid statistics but from my experience, most often by the time the affair starts, the WS has lost too much romantic interest to recover.


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## Shaggy

Seriously, why are you participating in this farce?

Kick the guy out, be outrageous if you have to, but get the scum bag out.

Of course if he is there and you won't leave either, at least your cheating wife isn't having sex with him.


----------



## Chaparral

You can sleep on the floor by his door. Hatchet optional.


----------



## Shaggy

Does the OM work ? Consider exposing him there?

Consider posting a sign with his name on the lawn - basically conduct a campaign of humiliating him.


----------



## atloss

The good news :the other man has moved out. The bad news: not too far. Just a block down. I don't know how he or my wife did to find a place in such immediate proximity. There can't be just a coincidence.
My son is back home, oblivious in his child innocence of all this mess and tension. My in laws are not speaking to my wife since the divorce news. Neither are some friends I had to disclose the affair together with the divorce bomb. So now she blames me for that, and she said she hated me.

I got myself tested for STD and dragged her to be tested as well. I'm clean, but she is...pregnant. I swear I feel like killing her and the other man too. She says she is not sure who the father is. Great Lord...
My son is my son, in response to those who suggested DNA for him. I have a birth mark and he has it too in the same place. But with this new pregnancy, she killed me. 

I got a divorce lawyer. Gave him all the evidence of the affair and we're trying for full custody as she has acted like a denatured mother having an affair right near her asleep son. Didn't serve her the papers yet.

The other man is single so exposure for him won't do much. But I am considering cheaterville for him. Never heard of this site before, but seems cool.

Donno what now. I feel lost in this quiet house, living with an angry absent minded wife with whom I am not speaking. All this in a couple of days...


----------



## LonelyinLove

Good lord . I am so sorry. What a mess you are in.

Again, I do not know your religious beliefs. If you lean toward Christianity, you might want to check out the story of Hosea, and his prostitute wife ( I'm not calling your wife one, it's just an analogy). 

Now there are 2 innocent children to consider as well. 

Your wife is really messed up, and pregnancy hormones are not going to help. 

I wonder if Mr. 20 Yr old is prepared to support her and a child.

If you can, take your little one and go to church. You need the peace that only God can provide. I'll continue to pray. For all of you.


----------



## PBear

atloss said:


> The good news :the other man has moved out. The bad news: not too far. Just a block down. I don't know how he or my wife did to find a place in such immediate proximity. There can't be just a coincidence.
> My son is back home, oblivious in his child innocence of all this mess and tension. My in laws are not speaking to my wife since the divorce news. Neither are some friends I had to disclose the affair together with the divorce bomb. So now she blames me for that, and she said she hated me.
> 
> I got myself tested for STD and dragged her to be tested as well. I'm clean, but she is...pregnant. I swear I feel like killing her and the other man too. She says she is not sure who the father is. Great Lord...
> My son is my son, in response to those who suggested DNA for him. I have a birth mark and he has it too in the same place. But with this new pregnancy, she killed me.
> 
> I got a divorce lawyer. Gave him all the evidence of the affair and we're trying for full custody as she has acted like a denatured mother having an affair right near her asleep son. Didn't serve her the papers yet.
> 
> The other man is single so exposure for him won't do much. But I am considering cheaterville for him. Never heard of this site before, but seems cool.
> 
> Donno what now. I feel lost in this quiet house, living with an angry absent minded wife with whom I am not speaking. All this in a couple of days...


No offense intended, but where did you mange to get STD tested on a weekend, AND get results back so soon? 

C


----------



## manfromlamancha

You can find out if the baby is yours by having a sample of your wife's blood tested with your DNA. Here is a link on this:

Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity Test

I would do this asap.

Good luck and stay strong.


----------



## EleGirl

If your wife is dead set on divorce, can she move out now to live with the OM?

At least that way you don't have to look at her.


----------



## LonelyinLove

PBear said:


> No offense intended, but where did you mange to get STD tested on a weekend, AND get results back so soon?
> 
> C


She was in the hospital overnight. The blood tests run there probably picked up the pregnancy.


----------



## PBear

LonelyinLove said:


> She was in the hospital overnight. The blood tests run there probably picked up the pregnancy.


I was asking the OP, and referring to the STD tests that he "dragged her in" for. That's not nearly the same as saying "the hospital's blood tests showed that's she's pregnant", which would have been much more plausible, but still wouldn't explain how he knows HE'S clean.

C


----------



## happyman64

Atloss

Did your wife act this crazy during her 1st pregnancy?

HM


----------



## LostViking

I would ask her to leave and move in with the OM. Then change the locks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## ThePheonix

If I were Atloss, I'd want to hear, "Atloss, you are not the father"


----------



## Shaggy

You might go visit his new landlord and let them know about what's going on, and that your son is not permitted to be there ever.


----------



## whowouldhavethought

PBear said:


> No offense intended, but where did you mange to get STD tested on a weekend, AND get results back so soon?
> 
> C


According to the FAQ at SafeLab Centre, STD results are available within 24 to 72 hours.

I know that most hospitals have lab techs on duty 24/7. Given the appropriate story with supporting background, heaven and earth can be moved for testing.

WWHT


----------



## the guy

You can make brother, even with all of this going you can make it.

I suggest you start a journal and keep track of your STBXW activities in a writen log. This may or may not matter but in some cases it is a great weapon when it come to custody.

Start logging the amount of time she goes out and if possible were, keep track of the amout of time she interact with your son and track her milage on her car (take note go drive to OM's and back and write down the milage) you can then track that amout of time she is with OM versus the amount of time she is with her son.

Not only will the log give you ammunition, a journal will help you keep your thoughts together. Start a out line and start building a plan with a general time line.

When the crap starts building up on you you can go back to your journal and look at your plan and work the plan.

You got 9 months to get out from under this women so act now get the divorce moving ASAP. In nine months you can do a DNA on the your STBXW kid and deal with that when the time comes.

Stay focus an work on the D...in some states no matter if the kid is yours or not you are on the birth cert. *if* you are still married.

If you screw a round and 9 months go by and your still married you could be on the hook for some other guys kid.


----------



## the guy

CAn you figure out if the kid is your? And don't listen to your STBXW she want you to be the father even if your not. She knows the OM won't be a good father.

When was the last time you guys had sex and how far along is she and when was her last period?

Maybe someone can help Op with this?


----------



## LonelyinLove

I told my husband this story...his response?

Insist on seeing the dead rabbits grave...

Did you see the actual pregnancy test results? Did you hear a clinician tell your wife she is PG? If not, demand the proof from a medical source.

It's not unheard of for women to claim a pregnancy when there isn't one.


----------



## atloss

whowouldhavethought said:


> According to the FAQ at SafeLab Centre, STD results are available within 24 to 72 hours.
> 
> I know that most hospitals have lab techs on duty 24/7. Given the appropriate story with supporting background, heaven and earth can be moved for testing.
> 
> WWHT


I got the results so quick because somebody helped me. One of my close buddies works in the hospital and he has some influence there. He did me the favor. And yes she's pregnant, and I wish I was kidding.
My son looks like me and has a birth mark exactly like mine. No doubt I'm his father.


----------



## atloss

Shaggy said:


> You might go visit his new landlord and let them know about what's going on, and that your son is not permitted to be there ever.


I gotta find out who the owner is. Yes it's a good idea, my son not to be allowed there. I'm sure my wife will be a regular.


----------



## atloss

happyman64 said:


> Atloss
> 
> Did your wife act this crazy during her 1st pregnancy?
> 
> HM


She was a little moody and irritated, but nothing like this...even her mother says that she seems to have lost her mind...


----------



## the guy

atloss said:


> I gotta find out who the owner is. Yes it's a good idea, my son not to be allowed there. I'm sure my wife will be a regular.


This is why you need to start a journal and log!

its important with regards to your up and coming divorce...hell it might even help establish abandonment!

Be prepared to wake up in the middle of the night with her gone.

It totally suck...I would go to bed with Mrs. the-guy wake up in the middle of the night with the car and her gone...then wake up for work the next morning with her sleeping next to me.

this lasted for a few weeks while I gather evidence and when I confronted her and she told me that she picked up a drunk friend (5 times???)I asked her who and when she told me, I told her So and so doesn't live in xyz (zyz is were the OM lived) and the market she stoppped at and used her ATM to by booze at 10:00 PM was also in zyx.

I recommend planting a GPS in her car.


----------



## diwali123

So the landlord is supposed to monitor whether the son goes there? What planet does that happen on? 

The STD tests came back awfully quickly. 

Sorry I'm skeptical.

Some of the STD tests involve culturing cells. There's no one who can make that process go faster.


----------



## dogman

diwali123 said:


> So the landlord is supposed to monitor whether the son goes there? What planet does that happen on?
> 
> The STD tests came back awfully quickly.
> 
> Sorry I'm skeptical.
> 
> Some of the STD tests involve culturing cells. There's no one who can make that process go faster.



Not only that, but getting it all done with a disagreeable wife is harder.

This is moving way fast. Faster than. Think is possible.


----------



## whowouldhavethought

dogman said:


> Not only that, but getting it all done with a disagreeable wife is harder.
> 
> This is moving way fast. Faster than. Think is possible.


Wife's samples could have been taken when she was hospitalized.

WWHT


----------



## diwali123

I call gnome. For many many reasons. 

Can't wait until college starts back up and these people have something else to do.


----------



## diwali123

whowouldhavethought said:


> Wife's samples could have been taken when she was hospitalized.
> 
> WWHT


I question someone being hospitalized over night for crying. Not very likely.


----------



## Dyokemm

diwali123,

It can happen.

One of my friends went through this last year.

She got in a fight with her H and got out of their car and ran off.

He drove on pissed off, but then calmed down and returned to find her, but couldn't.

He called me (we're all close friends), and I started driving around the area looking for her too.

I eventually found her nearly 3 hours later curled up in a ball weeping just outside the local Women's Club, which was closed and unoccupied (it was a Sunday).

She was basically incoherent in her weeping. Her sister and cousin were with me and the cousin called an ambulance.

They actually kept her for 72 hours because she was saying she didn't want to live anymore through the sobbing.


----------



## Dyokemm

That said, my radar just went up on this story.

I'll withhold judgement for now and continue to give any useful advice I can.


----------



## whowouldhavethought

diwali123 said:


> I question someone being hospitalized over night for crying. Not very likely.


Normal crying no, uncontrollable crying will lead them to think breakdown of some kind, so yes.

WWHT


----------



## Maricha75

whowouldhavethought said:


> Wife's samples could have been taken when she was hospitalized.
> 
> WWHT


The only way they would have tested her for STDs during her hospital stay is if she consented to it. As she was "dsagreeable", I highly doubt she consented when hospitalized.


----------



## Chaparral

If you google it, evidently there are same day std testing services. In any event there are several folks here that are breaking forum rules, especially for cwi.


----------



## whowouldhavethought

Maricha75 said:


> The only way they would have tested her for STDs during her hospital stay is if she consented to it. As she was "dsagreeable", I highly doubt she consented when hospitalized.


If you are on a 24/72 hour hold, they can do a lot of things of to you. First they calm you down via a pill or a shot and then they do their thing. Consent is given via a spouses signature.

Their goal is to eliminate medication, illegal pills, etc. that can cause your problem.

WWHT


----------



## diwali123

Dyokemm said:


> diwali123,
> 
> It can happen.
> 
> One of my friends went through this last year.
> 
> She got in a fight with her H and got out of their car and ran off.
> 
> He drove on pissed off, but then calmed down and returned to find her, but couldn't.
> 
> He called me (we're all close friends), and I started driving around the area looking for her too.
> 
> I eventually found her nearly 3 hours later curled up in a ball weeping just outside the local Women's Club, which was closed and unoccupied (it was a Sunday).
> 
> She was basically incoherent in her weeping. Her sister and cousin were with me and the cousin called an ambulance.
> 
> They actually kept her for 72 hours because she was saying she didn't want to live anymore through the sobbing.


That's a suicide threat. Not just crying.


----------



## ladybird

Your wife having an affair with a guy who lives in your home is bad, but doing it when you are home, in bed.. I would throw them both out


----------



## Maricha75

Chaparral said:


> If you google it, evidently there are same day std testing services. In any event there are several folks here that are breaking forum rules, especially for cwi.


I wasn't arguing that you couldn't get STD results in such a short time. I googled to verify the claims that it can be done... Yep, no doubt about it. There are claims that they can have results in one day.... Not so sure I believe those claims, tbh. I, personally, would be skeptical of that. But, it isn't impossible... I'd accept that. My only argument was that it was unlikely that they did it in the hospital, during the hold. Last I knew, such tests weren't standard for a hold like hers. But what do I know? Not like I have ever experienced STD testing during a psych hold, even just a 24 hour hold. I thought they would first try to eliminate mental health problems when they only keep someone 24 hours. STD testing seems a bit out there for someone "just crying uncontrollably"... just saying. 



whowouldhavethought said:


> If you are on a 24/72 hour hold, they can do a lot of things of to you. First they calm you down via a pill or a shot and then they do their thing. Consent is given via a spouses signature.
> 
> Their goal is to eliminate medication, illegal pills, etc. that can cause your problem.
> 
> WWHT


Yep, 24 hour hold, first step is to sedate. Second step is to test for STDs. Seems legit.

However, OP DID say this:



atloss said:


> I got myself tested for STD and dragged her to be tested as well. I'm clean, but she is...pregnant.


Which implies that it was done after release from the hospital, not during the stay. However, I do expect that the OP will comback and clarify...


----------



## diwali123

Uh huh.


----------



## Mustbecrazy

Chlamydia and GC are now molecular tests which only take a few hours. Rapid HIV HIV has a quick turn around as well. Negatives can be reported without further testing, but positives need to be confirmed and can take a couple more days.

Wonder what the OM will say when he finds out he has 18 years of child support to look forward to? He'll be hitting his prime when the WW is hitting menopause.


----------



## Will_Kane

atloss said:


> My in laws are not speaking to my wife since the divorce news. Neither are some friends I had to disclose the affair together with the divorce bomb. So now she blames me for that, and *she said she hated me*.


This is crazy, right? She was having sex with the other man in your house while you and your son slept, but YOUR actions were uncalled for? She can't see how crazy this is?


----------



## Will_Kane

atloss said:


> I got a divorce lawyer. Gave him all the evidence of the affair and we're trying for full custody as she has acted like a denatured mother having an affair right near her asleep son. Didn't serve her the papers yet.


Don't look at her as your wife any more. Look at her as an adversary in a legal proceeding. Look at it like any information you give her, she will use against you. Please keep that in mind. Don't give her anything to use against you.

What does she think your reaction to this situation should have been? Just allow her and other man continue to live there and have sex while you and your son sleep in adjacent rooms?


----------



## Shaggy

The OM doesn't have enough money that he can afford his own full apparment, how is he going to pay for the ww and a kid?


----------



## Squeakr

lisab0105 said:


> Atloss, I'm in New Jersey as well. Worked in Property Management for years and you can not listen to any one telling you to throw his stuff out and not to properly evict him. Do not assume he won't call the police. Get a proper restraining order if you want him out now, but you can not throw him out without any notice. Serve him, file it with the court and evict him the right way. Again, do not change the locks. You guys have to stop shooting from the hip with your advice on getting this guy out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 Funny as this same "from the hip advice" is the same advice that is given when the spouse is caught cheating, yet when someone doesn't abide by this rule of thumb they are being a doormat, cuckold, weak, beat, letting someone step all over them, etc. The fact is correct by LisaB and also applies in the case of a WS getting caught, as they have ownership rights as well and thus even more rights than the tenant in this case. I agree with LisaB in that I wish people would stop shooting from the hip in about 98% of the instances on here. Follow the letter of the law.


----------



## Squeakr

Shaggy said:


> Then basically you are saying that in these additional ways NJ is a h3ll hole that no sane person should choose to live in, because they favor cheating scum, and trash like the OM who if he had any shame at all would have high tailed it out of there as soon as the OP discovered it all.
> 
> Wow, just wow.


 I wouldn't say this is NJ alone. Most of the laws in the country and states have changed in such a way as to protect the criminal anymore and not the innocent and inflicted parties. Think about defending yourself in a life threatening situation, where in the end the assailant is killed and you are "legally" sued by his family for loss of income and life of their main provider, even though it was a life or death situation. Sure the defendant was cleared in the criminal case, yet cleaned out in the civil case, as the family had standing to sue.


----------



## Squeakr

atloss said:


> The other man is single so exposure for him won't do much. But I am considering cheaterville for him. Never heard of this site before, but seems cool.


 This is the thing. Just because he is single, doesn't mean it won't affect him. Exposure brings all sorts of attention that no one really wants for those reasons. People don't want to date cheaters generally (unless you are a cheater or have low to no morals yourself, in which case they can have each other). But where it makes a difference is when it gets around and defines his reputation and character. When interviewing for jobs, HR tend to thoroughly investigate backgrounds these days and if too much negative appears, they generally don't want to hire someone that might generate issues and concerns/ drama in the future. This is what makes exposure and cheaterville the gifts that keep on giving for the future and no one never really knows the full extent of their damage.


----------



## Squeakr

atloss said:


> I gotta find out who the owner is. Yes it's a good idea, my son not to be allowed there. I'm sure my wife will be a regular.



Talk to your lawyer to make this happen, as since she is the mother, she can "legally" take the child where she desires and not need your permission. Unless the landlord would put your demand in writing (and most wont want to get involved in your drama), then unless you get a court order stating her "allowances" she can take the child and your wishes/ concerns mean nothing.


----------



## aug

Shaggy said:


> The OM doesn't have enough money that he can afford his own full apparment, how is he going to pay for the ww and a kid?



atloss, 

you need to be seriously concerned about this. If the new child is not yours, you do not want to be stuck for child support of another man's child for the next 18 to 23 years. You may go crazy if you do.

A child born into the marriage is or could be considered a product of the marriage.

Separate from her now. Serve her the divorce papers.

Run. Run. Run fast!


----------



## Thorburn

atloss said:


> The good news :the other man has moved out. The bad news: not too far. Just a block down. I don't know how he or my wife did to find a place in such immediate proximity. There can't be just a coincidence.
> My son is back home, oblivious in his child innocence of all this mess and tension. My in laws are not speaking to my wife since the divorce news. Neither are some friends I had to disclose the affair together with the divorce bomb. So now she blames me for that, and she said she hated me.
> 
> I got myself tested for STD and dragged her to be tested as well. I'm clean, but she is...pregnant. I swear I feel like killing her and the other man too. She says she is not sure who the father is. Great Lord...
> My son is my son, in response to those who suggested DNA for him. I have a birth mark and he has it too in the same place. But with this new pregnancy, she killed me.
> 
> I got a divorce lawyer. Gave him all the evidence of the affair and we're trying for full custody as she has acted like a denatured mother having an affair right near her asleep son. Didn't serve her the papers yet.
> 
> The other man is single so exposure for him won't do much. But I am considering cheaterville for him. Never heard of this site before, but seems cool.
> 
> Donno what now. I feel lost in this quiet house, living with an angry absent minded wife with whom I am not speaking. All this in a couple of days...


Keep the in laws close to you in this battle. It is often said that blood is thicker then water. They could change their tune, but in my case my wife lost her relationship with two brothers and and older sister. My in laws helped me up to a point. 

In your case the sooner you can get the D the better.


----------



## Dyokemm

diwali123,

They were keeping my friend on just an overnight until the doctor decided to be even more cautious because of the language.

They would have kept her for 24 hours based just on the near hysterical crying.


----------



## whowouldhavethought

aug said:


> atloss,
> 
> you need to be seriously concerned about this. If the new child is not yours, you do not want to be stuck for child support of another man's child for the next 18 to 23 years. You may go crazy if you do.
> 
> A child born into the marriage is or could be considered a product of the marriage.


 NJ as well as a majority of states has specific legislation, the Uniform Parentage Act, regarding this issue. See N.J.S.9:17-46.

WWHT


----------



## Chaparral

Let the new landlord know what he did. He might have a wife or.................... daughter...................he may have been cheated on too.


----------



## Truthseeker1

The recent developments actually make me sick...what a complete and utter mess this woman has made and she has no remorse. What a piece of work she is - good luck man - hope you get full custody.


----------



## Shaggy

Chaparral said:


> Let the new landlord know what he did. He might have a wife or.................... daughter...................he may have been cheated on too.


Yeah. I get the feeling the OM is renting a room, not an apartment. Rooms often come with restrictions on not having guests over, especially over night - so filling him in on the facts may help you.


----------



## survivorwife

Shaggy said:


> Yeah. I get the feeling the OM is renting a room, not an apartment. Rooms often come with restrictions on not having guests over, especially over night - so filling him in on the facts may help you.


No no no!!

The OP wants him OUT. To discourage a future landlord from renting to the OM would only be hurting himself. All a future landlord needs to know is whether the OM pays his rent on time and is tidy. Other than that, say nothing unless the potential new landlord ask.

Isn't the goal here to get the OM OUT of the house as quickly as possible?


----------



## LongWalk

Get the wife out. Keep the tenant.


----------



## LonelyinLove

Also consider that the new baby may, in fact, be the OP's.

He should file for sole custody of the present child, demand a test for the pregnancy, and if that child is his, file for custody for him/her as well.


----------



## Shaggy

survivorwife said:


> No no no!!
> 
> The OP wants him OUT. To discourage a future landlord from renting to the OM would only be hurting himself. All a future landlord needs to know is whether the OM pays his rent on time and is tidy. Other than that, say nothing unless the potential new landlord ask.
> 
> Isn't the goal here to get the OM OUT of the house as quickly as possible?


He moved out a coupe of days ago to a new place down the street. The OP seems to have left TAM since then too.


----------



## Decorum

I have been avoiding this thread, it was just too f-up.

I just could not stand to see a man cuckold and be so passive.

The level of disrespect for her husband and family is as bad as it gets.

The op may be gone, but good for him up to the point he has implemented sound advice.

Exposure, making life miserable, doing the 180 all good.

She said she hates you? That's good news. 
Op the more angry she is the better, it means her world is cracking and she is conflicted.

Keep the heat on!!!

Sometimes being a man means looking long term, giving leadership and taking the heat!!!!

I don't think I could reconcile with a woman like this, but her world is only months away from total melt down, probably.

DNA the new baby. She may have wanted a baby with him to trap him in, and exit her marriage.

These are not logical thoughts but biological responses, she may not even be aware of them, she is just following her limbic system.

Move on with your life, let her see that you are getting along well without her.

You may find that your respect for her slips away a little each day and the value of being loved by her goes with it until you will wonder why you would want to be. 

You may one day thank om for taking her off your hands, cheating changes you, she may never again be the same person you fell in love with.

Take care!


----------



## Truthseeker1

Decorum said:


> I have been avoiding this thread, it was just too f-up.
> 
> I just could not stand to see a man cuckold and be so passive.
> 
> The level of disrespect for her husband and family is as bad as it gets.
> 
> The op may be gone, but good for him up to the point he has implemented sound advice.
> 
> Exposure, making life miserable, doing the 180 all good.
> 
> She said she hates you? That's good news.
> Op the more angry she is the better, it means her world is cracking and she is conflicted.
> 
> Keep the heat on!!!
> 
> Sometimes being a man means looking long term, giving leadership and taking the heat!!!!
> 
> I don't think I could reconcile with a woman like this, but her world is only months away from total melt down, probably.
> 
> DNA the new baby. She may have wanted a baby with him to trap him in, and exit her marriage.
> 
> These are not logical thoughts but biological responses, she may not even be aware of them, she is just following her limbic system.
> 
> Move on with your life, let her see that you are getting along well without her.
> 
> You may find that your respect for her slips away a little each day and the value of being loved by her goes with it until you will wonder why you would want to be.
> 
> You may one day thank om for taking her off your hands, cheating changes you, she may never again be the same person you fell in love with.
> 
> Take care!


Sometimes being a man means riding off and leaving it all behind you to find something better...she is not the same woman you married - your perception of her deep down is still pre-affair but that will change with time...he disrepect for you and your son is really astounding..really...


----------



## rrrbbbttt

When the OM finds out she is pregnant. He is going to hit the road and she is going to be left standing there.


----------



## badcompany

I'm surprised she defended her affair in front of her parents, what a piece of work. With the circumstances and past mental issues I would think proceedings would go largely in the husbands favor.


----------



## diwali123

Just a tip, red flag of gnome like behavior is vanishing when anyone questions the story.


----------



## atloss

Once again thanks to the majority of you who gave me good advice. I cannot think straight right now; as for the rest, diwali and others...I lack the interest and the energy to convince you of what I'm saying; it's not what I'm here for. I'm here to hear from others who may have been in my position and how they coped with it. So thank you, it is the last time I reply to these comments. 

Yes the other man moved out. I found out the name of the landlord but did not contact him; I'm not sure I should. I did call the other man and confronted him about the pregnancy. He got very defensive and swore they used protection and only did it without a condom once but he didn't ejaculate inside her. He was obviously sweating about the perspective of becoming a father- he barely takes care of himself.

I told my wife I will demand DNA for the new baby and will be fighting her in court for custody. Then I'm no longer willing to be her foul. She's still giving me answers. She says I'm being spiteful because I separated my money from hers and don't allow her to use my car to go to work anymore. Let her lover take her. I guess I am being spiteful and bitter.

We're heading full force toward divorce. As soon as the last details are in order with my lawyer she will be served the papers. The guy is very good, they say. Wish I woke up tomorrow, and all this were a bad dream...


----------



## Chaparral

Have you read the 180 ? It is plan to help you cope with what you are going through. I would give a link but I do not have it on this tablet?

Do you still have the little one? How is that going?


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## atloss

Chaparral said:


> Have you read the 180 ? It is plan to help you cope with what you are going through. I would give a link but I do not have it on this tablet?
> 
> Do you still have the little one? How is that going?


Yes Chapparal thank you. I did read it. Thus my separation of assets from her and talking in a tougher way. But it's so hard, this whole 180 thing ! She is being defensive and mean, so that helps me in maintaining my position. I wouldn't trust myself to be firm if she was crying and remorseful...but that won't happen.
Yes I have the little one, he is the only thing that keeps me moving..keeps me alive...my father in law is very supportive of me getting the custody. He is very angry at my wife right now, as for his wife, she says she has no words...to just do what's best for our son.


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## LostViking

Glad you are surviving Atloss. It will get better, even though it all seems dark. Day by day it will get batter as you detach emotionally from her. 

Channel all the anger and hate into positive things. Work out, lose weightl, get in shape and try to get back in touch with your old hobbies. 

If she starts getting mean spin around and walk out of the room. Dont engage her. 

Has your wife moved out or is she still living in the house?


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## atloss

Thanks LostViking. I'm trying. But is so hard !
She's still in the house. But we're barely speaking, and when she does answer to me, she makes it very clear that she is pissed. We don't sleep in the same room; she sleeps with my son in his room I sleep in mine. I cleaned the other man's room and keep it locked, can't stand to see it.


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## LostViking

Some spouses, for reasons unknown, just fly off the rails. There is no sense to it, no rational explanation. 

This seething, bitter hatred your wife is exhibiting is very disturbing. If I did not know any better I would say she has lost it mentally.


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## EleGirl

So the OM is ignorant enough to think that pulling out is birth control?

Does your wife have somewhere to go? Like a friends? She has a job, she could rent a room. 

You need her out of there and away from your child as soon as possible.

If the baby is yours you want to be careful about the timing of finalizing the divorce. 

There is now a A Noninvasive Prenatal Paternity Test Sampling Only the Mother's Blood. Here's a link to one of the many sites that provide them.

You could have the test done now so that you know as soon as possible the paternity of the baby.

If you are this child's father, do not finalize your divorce until after the baby is born. The reason is that in many states, a baby born to an unmarried women is considered her baby and the father has to really fight to get any custody at all of the baby. Talk to your attorney about this.


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## atloss

I feel so angry and hurt. It even crossed my mind to hire an escort and bring her home pretending she is a new squeeze. Have sex with her loud and hard for my wife to hear and see what it's like. But these are just thoughts. I won't sink myself at this level. But it feels better when I imagine it !


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## atloss

LostViking said:


> Some spouses, for reasons unknown, just fly off the rails. There is no sense to it, no rational explanation.
> 
> This seething, bitter hatred your wife is exhibiting is very disturbing. If I did not know any better I would say she has lost it mentally.


That's what her mother is saying. That she has lost it. That she went crazy for a piece of young d!ck...I began to think so too...


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## EleGirl

atloss said:


> Thanks LostViking. I'm trying. But is so hard !
> She's still in the house. But we're barely speaking, and when she does answer to me, she makes it very clear that she is pissed. We don't sleep in the same room; she sleeps with my son in his room I sleep in mine. I cleaned the other man's room and keep it locked, can't stand to see it.


I'm sorry to say, but you have to get her to stop sleeping with your son. She needs to sleep in the other bedroom. Get a bed for in there... a used one off craigslist works.

Why do I say this? Because her sleeping in his room increases her bond to him.. more reasons that she can use to fight for a larger % of custody "Your honor, my husband banished me to our son's bedroom. So it's been like I'm a single mom for months now." I can hear it.


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## Will_Kane

PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE BOLDED PARTS.

_I wish I could claim credit for this masterpiece but I can't. It belongs to very wise member from another website. It should be etched in the minds of every man and woman who has been the victim on infidelity.

Just Let Them Go

The end result?

The end result is to respect yourself in the end,
let go of the people that don't value you or respect you.

That is the end result.

The quickest way to get a cheating spouse back is to let them go with a smile on your face wishing them the best in life and hoping that everything works out in their relationship with their affair partner.

Seriously, the quickest way to get them back.

Nothing else works better or quicker.

Let them go.

Agree with them and their feelings,
"you should be with the OM, I hope he makes you happy, good bye"

Wouldn't that be true love?

If you really loved your spouse,
and wanted them to have what they really want in life which is the other person they're in love with,
wouldn't letting them go be the approach if you really love them?

Why focus on the affair or the drama associated with it?
Just let them go. Give them their freedom.

You can take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror everyday and improve yourself but do it for you, not for someone else, the changes will never stick when it's done for someone else, do it for your benefit and you will probably make those changes last much longer if not indefinitely - because it's for your benefit and you realize the importance and value in that benefit because YOU are involved.

I will never tell someone to change to entice a WAW back when she's been cheating on him*. I don't care how bad a marriage, there is never an excuse for cheating*. That is a personal decision that someone makes to cheat on their spouse. If a marriage is really bad, leave, get a divorce, speak up to your spouse and tell them flat out "this marriage sucks and if things don't change I'm going to leave you and find someone better" and if things don't improve, leave that person.

But cheating, no excuses.

Think about cheating.
A wayward spouse who cheats on their spouse goes behind their back, secretly, telling lies, feeling guilty, getting angry at their spouse for getting in the way of their fantasies but never owning up to their actions, never admitting what they're doing. If a person who cheats on their spouse felt justified in their actions, why hide and go behind their spouses backs when they start cheating, why lie, why make up excuses about late nights at work and going to a friends place and sleeping over because they drank too much and any other such nonsense?

Deep down, the cheating spouse knows there is something inherently wrong with their actions otherwise they wouldn't lie about their actions and hide what they're doing.

Fighting the affair? For what reason?
To compete with the OM or OW for your spouse?
What message does that communicate to your wayward spouse?
They have lots of value and you have none because now you have to compete with another person for their love? Competing with your wayward spouse's affair partner never works, it just prolongs an ugly drama filled process.

And for your last point,
The easiest way to show you will not tolerate cheating in your relationship is to let that person go. That is the easiest and most effective way to show this.

"Look wife/husband, I won't be in an open relationship with you, I won't give you X number of days, weeks, months to make your mind, if you really feel like you need to sit on the fence on this decision and can't decide between your affair partner and me well I will make the decision for you, you can be with them because I'm no longer an option. I love you and wish you a good life with them and hope it works out for you because it didn't work out for us. Now the best thing we can do for each other is to make this process as graceful and peaceful as possible for us and our children, I'll contact a lawyer/mediator and get started on the process of our legal separation/divorce."

You give them what they want.
You don't fight them on this issue.
*You agree with their feelings,
they want to be with the other person, fine they should be with the other person*, let them be with the other person.

You will never convince a person to change their feelings with your arguments and logic. You can not find one member on this website in a situation where they are dealing with infidelity where they got their spouse to change their mind about how they feel about their affair partner.

You can't say "don't love them, love me instead",
you can't say "look at me, I'm better in every way compared to your affair partner, pick me instead of them",
you can't say "you took marriage vows, you promised to love me"

I agree, you don't have to make it easy for your wayward spouse to have an affair, but when you let them go, "lovingly detach", you don't have to worry about making it easy for them. It's no longer your concern, they can have you or them but not both and not at the same time and since they've chosen to have an affair, they've made their choice, there is no profit in fighting that decision. Let them go and move on with your life, that is the quickest, easiest way to get them back.

*You definitely don't support them financially and enable them, that would be weak, wussy, clingy, insecure behavior *- something in you telling you that you need to support them financially while they're having an affair, hoping they'll realize how nice you are and come back to you.

Just let them go, have them move out or you move out and live a good life without them.​_
Tell her how happy you are for her, that she finally found her true love. But now that she is no longer your wife, she no longer is your responsibility. She is other man's responsibility, or she can take care of herself. That is no longer your job. It is not being bitter or spiteful, it is a fact of life. Husbands and wives take care of each other, look out for each other. She is not that to you any longer, and you are not that to her. So, good luck, good bye, have a nice life, I wish you well - but I am no longer spending my money on you or giving my car to you.


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## EleGirl

atloss said:


> I feel so angry and hurt. It even crossed my mind to hire an escort and bring her home pretending she is a new squeeze. Have sex with her loud and hard for my wife to hear and see what it's like. But these are just thoughts. I won't sink myself at this level. But it feels better when I imagine it !


Yep your son does not need this.

And one more thing she could use in the divorce... he's cheating and bringing prostitutes to the apartment with our son at home. 

Put you at about her level...


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## atloss

EleGirl, she won't move out. Yes she has parents, siblings and friends. But she won't move out until either we find a buyer for the house or we buy each other out (most likely me buy her out ). I called a real estate and will try to sell it. Want it all over with, so I can be done with this nightmare.
And yes, go figure, he's an ignorant selfish son of a beach...


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## LostViking

Will_Kane said:


> Tell her how happy you are for her, that she finally found her true love. But now that she is no longer your wife, she no longer is your responsibility. She is other man's responsibility, or she can take care of herself. That is no longer your job. It is not being bitter or spiteful, it is a fact of life. Husbands and wives take care of each other, look out for each other. She is not that to you any longer, and you are not that to her. So, good luck, good bye, have a nice life, I wish you well - but I am no longer spending my money on you or giving my car to you.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Thound

atloss said:


> I feel so angry and hurt. It even crossed my mind to hire an escort and bring her home pretending she is a new squeeze. Have sex with her loud and hard for my wife to hear and see what it's like. But these are just thoughts. I won't sink myself at this level. But it feels better when I imagine it !


Careful. Sometimes escorts wear badges.


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## Will_Kane

atloss said:


> EleGirl, she won't move out. Yes she has parents, siblings and friends. But she won't move out until either we find a buyer for the house or we buy each other out (most likely me buy her out ). I called a real estate and will try to sell it. Want it all over with, so I can be done with this nightmare.
> And yes, go figure, he's an ignorant selfish son of a beach...


Yes, but even if she is in your house, she should not be sleeping in the same bed, or even the same room, as your son. Her bed should be somewhere else, not in your room, and not in your son's room. Why don't you let her sleep in other man's old room?


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## LostViking

You need to get a VAR and carry it with you constantly and record everything she says. Document everything she does or does not do and keep the records for your lawyer. They could help in the custody phase of the divorce. 

Stay away from her as much as she can. If that means camping out in your room then do so to the extent you can. 

No taking care of the boy while she runs out to meet her lover. If it is for something legit then yes, but otherwise she can hire a sitter if she wants to go play. 

Do not do anything nice for her. Do not run to her rescue anymore. If she wants to end the marriage, show her what that will really be like. Don't let her use the car. Make her take the bus. Don't pick her up if she gets stranded somewhere. Don't loan her money. If she gets sick, do not run out and get her medicine. Do not cook for her. Cook for yourself and your son. 

NOTHING. 

All the perks and special treatment she enjoyed as your wife are over with.


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## phillybeffandswiss

atloss said:


> I wouldn't trust myself to be firm if she was crying and remorseful...


Be prepared, even the hardest wayward in the beginning starts changing when they realize you are serious.


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## EleGirl

The point about you having a VAR on you all the time when home is very good advice.

I would not put it past her to do something that she will use to call the police and have you charged with domestic violence. You are living with the enemy right now. Keep your VAR on you and turned on. Keep your cell phone near for video recording her antics if it gets to that.


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## ThePheonix

In this exercise, there is an very low limit to what Atloss can force his wife to do or not do. If the vixen in his story want to sleep in the same room with her son, take her son to the park, or entertaining the son by standing on her head and stacking greased BBs at a 45 degree angle, short of a court order stopping it, there ain't a hell of a lot the "hero" in this story can do about it. (including making her leave the premises) Unless he's got more than I'm seeing, he won't get that far in a custody hearing.


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## Chaparral

The son doesn't have to sleep in his room with her.


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## Chaparral

Btw, the bed in the om's room should be at the landfill by now.


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## Maricha75

Chaparral said:


> Btw, the bed in the om's room should be at the landfill by now.


Unless it was his and he took it with him when he moved out. Just because he rented the room, it doesn't automatically mean he didn't bring his own bed.


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## ThePheonix

Chaparral said:


> The son doesn't have to sleep in his room with her.


Who has the prerogative to say whether or not she can sleep in the room with her 5 year old child? Can the husband in this matter preclude the wife from sleeping in her sons room? :scratchhead:


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## weightlifter

Atloss what general city? IE Dallas, Metro NYC etc. Just wondering how overinflated your local real estate market is.


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## tom67

weightlifter said:


> Atloss what general city? IE Dallas, Metro NYC etc. Just wondering how overinflated your local real estate market is.


In New Jersey from what I remember an actual at fault state.


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## lenzi

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> File a restraining order against him. The RO states he must stay away from where you and your wife live. He has been sleeping with your wife and threatened you. Lie if you have to.


This is the answer. 

But get an attorney to help you draft and file it. 

Don't think you can legally remove his things and change the locks but definitely go the way of the restraining order.

As others have said, you need to strike first otherwise you'll probably be on the receiving end.


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## EleGirl

Also, if Atloss sets up a bed for her in the extra room, then she has less reason to sleep with the son. He has at least removed her excuse.


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## EleGirl

ThePheonix said:


> Who has the prerogative to say whether or not she can sleep in the room with her 5 year old child? Can the husband in this matter preclude the wife from sleeping in her sons room? :scratchhead:


Oh she can choose to sleep where she wants.

However, make sure she has her own bedroom thus reducing the chance that she sleep with their son.

He can also sleep with their son.

He can also have their son sleep in the master bedroom with him.


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## LongWalk

Do you hope your wife will get an abortion? Has she discussed this?

Did both of you contribute equally to buying your home?


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## Mr Blunt

Ataloss

*Get as much help as you can with your emotions so that you can be more affective in what will matter much more in the months and years to come.* What will matter is the custody of your child and the financial settlement. Your wife is irrational right now so take advantage of that in every way that you can. Your lawyer can tell you what can help you get full or at least a majority of the custody of your child.

Also, see if you can get statements or other things from your wife’s family that will be to your advantage in court. They are very pissed at her right now but as time goes on it is true that blood is thicker than water. In other words in time they will not be so outraged at her but probably will try to help her.

If you get your emotions in better shape you will be able to take advantage of the pending divorce. I do not think that this climate for you to get the advantage is going to be any better than right now and may even disappear in a few weeks or months. I know that your emotions are going to be involved with your wife right now but as much as possible put her on the shelve so that you can get a divorce that is best for you. 

*If you do this right, in the years to come your ex-wife will be a very insignificant person in your life for the rest of your life.*

Your wife is no where near being remorseful and is very destructive to any possibility of reconciliation. *Do not be surprised that in the weeks or months to come she makes a move for R.* This maybe because she will probably get dumped by the OM or some other consequences that tells her she would be better off with an R with you. At this point she is totally deep into her selfishness and very irrational.

She will have to finally realize that she has blasted a hole in the heart of her marriage, alienated her family will be financially stretched, probably be rejected by her OM, and have to deal with the pregnancy to name just a few. She will be very much affected to the negative in the next months so prepare yourself for her change and actions. 

With her attitude and actions she has forced this issue to be like the jungle kingdom; only the strong survive. It is now either you or her so you had better toughen up. *If she comes back crying and trying to get herself in a better position because her life will be falling apart, you better be able to determine what her motives are.*


Blunt


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## davecarter

thepheonix said:


> i think "making a marriage work" is pretty much nonsense. My last marriage has worked for 20 years and i haven't had to make that happen. It just does. If i had to toil and struggle to stay married, i'd be better single. Marriage is suppose to be pleasurable, not living in agony and struggling everyday to maintain that lifestyle..


This. +100


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## LonelyinLove

atloss said:


> We're heading full force toward divorce. As soon as the last details are in order with my lawyer she will be served the papers. The guy is very good, they say. Wish I woke up tomorrow, and all this were a bad dream...


I am so sorry for what you are going thru...no one should have to experience this kind of loss...it's so...awful.

Take good care of yourself, love your child, and know that you are not responsible for this mess. You life will get better and know that there are decent women out there who would love to have a good man. Still praying for you.....


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## mrtickle

ThePheonix said:


> I think "making a marriage work" is pretty much nonsense. My last marriage has worked for 20 years and I haven't had to make that happen. It just does. If I had to toil and struggle to stay married, I'd be better single. Marriage is suppose to be pleasurable, not living in agony and struggling everyday to maintain that lifestyle..


I think its a strange expression which really means 'not doing things to cause a marriage to fail' rather than specifically doing things to make it work.

For example people will cite stuff like 'better communication' to make a marriage work. In reality, that should be a given in a functional relationship, however 'poor communication' can lead to a marriage falling apart.


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## atloss

She doesn't sleep in the same bed - she wouldn't fit..she sleeps on a couch we set up when he was littler so she could watch him when he is sick; now she just found refuge there. I told her she is not welcome in our bed anymore. Yes the tenant had his own bed and took it. I cleaned everything and if I am to remain with the house will buy everything new so nothing reminds me of this mess. It's almost like the room needs an exorcist, such evil feelings it evokes.

My wife runs back and forth between home and the other man's new place a block and half away (without our son) We're not speaking, except about finances and the real estate that deals with the sale of the house. I still carry the VAR and the phone everytime she talks. Donno what to expect. 
I haven't suggested abortion and she didn't bring it up. I have a feeling this is how she hopes she can "change his mind " regarding a long term with her. God forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think this pregnancy was on purpose to catch him. He's not happy about it, at all...
Just this so far.


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## tom67

He can have her if it wouldn't have been him it would have been some other schmuk. In a way you are lucky it happened now rather than 17 years down the road.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

atloss said:


> She doesn't sleep in the same bed - she wouldn't fit..she sleeps on a couch we set up when he was littler so she could watch him when he is sick; now she just found refuge there. I told her she is not welcome in our bed anymore. Yes the tenant had his own bed and took it. I cleaned everything and if I am to remain with the house will buy everything new so nothing reminds me of this mess. It's almost like the room needs an exorcist, such evil feelings it evokes.
> 
> My wife runs back and forth between home and the other man's new place a block and half away (without our son) We're not speaking, except about finances and the real estate that deals with the sale of the house. I still carry the VAR and the phone everytime she talks. Donno what to expect.
> I haven't suggested abortion and she didn't bring it up. I have a feeling this is how she hopes she can "change his mind " regarding a long term with her. God forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think this pregnancy was on purpose to catch him. He's not happy about it, at all...
> Just this so far.


Great to hear you really put your foot down. BTW She can ask her POS boyfriend or take take the bus to work. Do not give her a penny unless it is YOUR family related. Bravo to you!!

Is there any chance the baby is yours? Hopefully not. Barring that she made her bed with him, now she can bottle feed the consequences. I suggest not discussing her pregnancy unless you know for certain it is yours. I pray it is his, they both will now learn very harsh lessons about casual sex, infidelity and child support laws in NJ. NJ is really hard on deadbeat dads. One day late with child support and Marshall/Sheriff is at his door at 3AM taking him to Hotel Striped Sunshine on the Passaic Riviera. 

May I suggests just selling that apartment? Every time you look at that door you will be reminded of her wh0rishness. Even if you take a bit if a hit financially it may be worth it. Perfectly understandable to sell the apartment and start a new life in a new apartment. New beginnings if you will, fir you and your daughter.


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## doubletrouble

You're doing well, atloss. As well as can be expected in a very harsh situation. You're getting a lot of good advice here as well. ignore the stuff that doesn't work for you, ignore the hits on your eog. People here have been hurt, same as you, in different ways but we all know the pain. So sometimes they don't separate their pain from yours in a post that sounds angry to you. 

Glad that wasn't your last post and that you are still here. There is help for you all along the way here. Just take what works for you and ignore what doesn't. 

Again, you're doing really well in a very tough situation. Hang in there; you have friends here.


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## LostViking

She couldn't fit on the bed with him? 

Is your wife a big woman?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Squeakr

LostViking said:


> She couldn't fit on the bed with him?
> 
> Is your wife a big woman?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is so young it is probably a toddler bed, think half the width of a single bed, may even be one that was converted from the crib, so think a crib sized mattress.


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## Thor

LostViking said:


> You need to get a VAR and carry it with you constantly and record everything she says. Document everything she does or does not do and keep the records for your lawyer. They could help in the custody phase of the divorce.


This cannot be overemphasized. Keep every single record of everything. The postmark on a letter was enough for a judge to toss out a case against me (by the feds) and for the appellate court to require the prosecutor to pay all my legal fees.


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## Iver

Atloss,

Have you seen your physician yet? Don't hesitate to get something for the stress you're experiencing - if any situation warrants it this certainly qualifies.

There are cases where the husband ends up paying for the OM's child - the courts don't care about paternity in some cases - just looking for a wallet to drain. 

Make sure your lawyer is on top of this.

I'll second the vote to sell your place. No way do you need that kind of negativity in your life. 

Lastly, your wife sounds like she, for lack of a better term, has lost her marbles. Keep the VAR going at all times - make sure she knows she's being recorded (check with your lawyer on this)

Keep focused on the end goal and take care of yourself. 

It's hard to believe now but it will get better.

Good Luck.


----------



## lenzi

Iver said:


> There are cases where the husband ends up paying for the OM's child - the courts don't care about paternity in some cases - just looking for a wallet to drain.


To my knowledge that only happens in cases where the father was supporting the child for some period of time -as in many years- before the true paternity was discovered, and the judge kept the status quo.


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## tom67

lenzi said:


> To my knowledge that only happens in cases where the father was supporting the child for some period of time -as in many years- before the true paternity was discovered, and the judge kept the status quo.


If you contest early enough and demand a test laws have been catching up on this but yea the sooner the better.


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## Shaggy

lenzi said:


> To my knowledge that only happens in cases where the father was supporting the child for some period of time -as in many years- before the true paternity was discovered, and the judge kept the status quo.


Nope. It most often happens when the mother goes on welfare and the state comes after the BS as a source to reclaim that expense.


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## LostViking

atloss said:


> *My wife runs back and forth between home and the other man's new place a block and half away (without our son) *.


So she has you babysitting while she goes and plays? Sh!t. 

Document EVERY single time she does this, the date, time of day, and how long she stays gone. This information will come in handy during the custody hearing. Buy a three pack of those small pocket sized spiral notepads and keep one in your back pocket to take notes on the fly. Journal every day. 

Also, as part of the divorce petition, have your lawyer include a clause that will barr the OM from having any contact with your son whatsoever. 

You have got to be smart on this one man. You need to be thinking three steps ahead of her until the D is final.


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## LostViking

Squeakr said:


> He is so young it is probably a toddler bed, think half the width of a single bed, may even be one that was converted from the crib, so think a crib sized mattress.


Shoot. I was hoping she was one of those gigantic, dreadnought class trailer park moms you see shuffling through WalMart late at night with seven kids hanging off of them.


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## happyman64

Atloss

So you now know your wife has lost her marbles. And your inlaws realize it to.

The level of disrespect your wife is throwing at you and your son is unbelievable. But then again, you are dealing with someone with 1/2 a deck.

I know you are hurting badly but I wanted to tell you that you have acted honorably and like a responsible adult/parent.

Follow through on the divorce and the house. The sooner she is gone the better you will be off.

You do realize the OM does not want her or the baby, just the sex.

And when your wife gets rejected by him she is going to really go crazy.

Get the straight jacket handy.....

HM


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## tom67

happyman64 said:


> Atloss
> 
> So you now know your wife has lost her marbles. And your inlaws realize it to.
> 
> The level of disrespect your wife is throwing at you and your son is unbelievable. But then again, you are dealing with someone with 1/2 a deck.
> 
> I know you are hurting badly but I wanted to tell you that you have acted honorably and like a responsible adult/parent.
> 
> Follow through on the divorce and the house. The sooner she is gone he better you will be off.
> 
> You do realize the OM does not want her or the baby, just the sex.
> 
> And when your gets rejected by him she is going to really go crazy.
> 
> Get the straight jacket handy.....
> 
> HM


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## Nucking Futs

happyman64 said:


> Atloss
> 
> So you now know your wife has lost her marbles. And your inlaws realize it to.
> 
> The level of disrespect your wife is throwing at you and your son is unbelievable. But then again, you are dealing with someone with 1/2 a deck.
> 
> I know you are hurting badly but I wanted to tell you that you have acted honorably and like a responsible adult/parent.
> 
> Follow through on the divorce and the house. The sooner she is gone he better you will be off.
> 
> You do realize the OM does not want her or the baby, just the sex.
> 
> *And when your gets rejected by him she is going to really go crazy.*
> 
> Get the straight jacket handy.....
> 
> HM


I agree, but who's stove will the bunny be boiled on, Atloss or POSOM?


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## lenzi

She might not go crazy.

She'll be shocked, she'll be sad, she'll feel rejected, maybe she'll snap out of the proverbial affair fog and want back in again, but it doesn't mean she'll just go over the deep end.


----------



## happyman64

lenzi said:


> She might not go crazy.
> 
> She'll be shocked, she'll be sad, she'll feel rejected, maybe she'll snap out of the proverbial affair fog and want back in again, but it doesn't mean she'll just go over the deep end.


Patience. You'll see. A woman who can do this to her husband in front of her parents who do not agree with her behavior is very lost.

Coupled by the pregnancy hormones and possible future rejection by POSOM is a combustible mixture of bad emotions.

At loss needs to protect himself no matter what.


----------



## LongWalk

HM sounds right here. She is facing poverty besides.


----------



## atloss

Hello again. Yes I am documenting everything. And created that dropbox account as well. And yes she goes and plays I don't even want to think about what they're doing and talking about...

Today I overheard her on the phone with him. He's not thrilled with the baby news and she's trying to convince him it's his. While on the other hand she said to me it could very well be mine too. I guess he was questioning her word, as she said something that really made me think : " Come on, you don't trust me? How long have we known each other ??" I found this strange. How long have they known each other? Like 5 months? But the tone she said it implied more than that. I wonder if there is more to this story than what they admitted to...

She went over there as a result of the phone call. But she came back early enough to bathe our soon and tuck him in, like a good mother she likes to think she is. And yes it's a toddler bed. My wife is nowhere near big, she's slim and in a good shape...what does it serve me at...for someone else to enjoy it...(

Tomorrow morning I have appointment with my lawyer. She will be served the divorce papers as she wished...on a golden trey with a red ribbon. 
I'm still heartbroken inside...


----------



## happyman64

Serve her.

You have no other choice.

She is crazy. And you cannot compete with nor work with crazy.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> He's not thrilled with the baby news and she's trying to convince him it's his. While on the other hand she said to me it could very well be mine too.


Did you document that? If not then if that opportunity comes up again get it documented. That may not be in the law books but I believe that any judge ( man or woman) with any sense of justice would silently, in his mind, say to himself/herself, “ Man that woman chaps my AZZ”





> " Come on, you don't trust me?


*So the crumbling has started. Her fog is just starting, just a tiny bit, to become less thick.* I say this because the question of trust is on her mind. Of course he does not trust her. He knows that she has betrayed her husband and her child so that she can satisfy her selfishness. Her life will start coming apart real fast in the next few months. She is not going to have a Merry Christmas this year. The OM does not trust her and he sure does not want her child or unborn baby. I think the pressure will get to him in the next few months and he will drop her like he had a handful of scorpions.. *What will she do then? She will probably say “Where is my plan B?”*

I kind of addressed this question when I posted the words below to you a few days ago
*



If she comes back crying and trying to get herself in a better position because her life will be falling apart, you better be able to determine what her motives are.

Click to expand...

*


> I'm still heartbroken inside...


*Get as much help as you can with your emotions so that you can be more affective in what will matter much more in the months and years to come.*


----------



## LongWalk

Here is a thread for you to read. Betrayed spouse survives, wayward is shattered in the end


----------



## Will_Kane

I would not be surprised if she knew him before he moved into your house.

Do you have any way to check her phone records from prior to him moving in?

What does he do for a living? How could they have met if they had already known each other prior to him moving in?

What is she thinking about as far as a future with this guy? Do they ever talk about money and what is going to happen after she is divorced?

Also, I find it odd that she still is angry with you. I get that you told her parents on her and forced this situation, but if she was in love with this guy and was going to be with him, this was all inevitable anyway, right?


----------



## life101

atloss said:


> Hello again. Yes I am documenting everything. And created that dropbox account as well. And yes she goes and plays I don't even want to think about what they're doing and talking about...
> 
> Today I overheard her on the phone with him. He's not thrilled with the baby news and she's trying to convince him it's his. While on the other hand she said to me it could very well be mine too. *I guess he was questioning her word, as she said something that really made me think : " Come on, you don't trust me? How long have we known each other ??" I found this strange. How long have they known each other? Like 5 months? But the tone she said it implied more than that. I wonder if there is more to this story than what they admitted to...
> *
> She went over there as a result of the phone call. But she came back early enough to bathe our soon and tuck him in, like a good mother she likes to think she is. And yes it's a toddler bed. My wife is nowhere near big, she's slim and in a good shape...what does it serve me at...for someone else to enjoy it...(
> 
> Tomorrow morning I have appointment with my lawyer. She will be served the divorce papers as she wished...on a golden trey with a red ribbon.
> I'm still heartbroken inside...


Seems like they might have known each other before he moved into your house. What a piece of work!
I feel really bad for you man. Protect yourself, record everything, and get the best lawyer that you can.


----------



## Mustbecrazy

atloss;How long have they known each other? Like 5 months? But the tone she said it implied more than that. I wonder if there is more to this story than what they admitted to.....[/QUOTE said:


> I wonder, have you thought of having a PI do a background check on the OM? Maybe he and your STBXW have a history.


----------



## LostViking

I think we could all place safe bets this affair was going on long before the OM ever moved in. 

This woman is not crazy. She is a sociopath.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Carlchurchill

Man this is such a bad story, I really feel for you and your son and I really hope the next kid is not yours! 

It is crazy how quickly a happy, normal family can be ripped apart...if I was in your shoes I would be finding strength in lots of medication!!!


----------



## KanDo

Mustbecrazy said:


> I wonder, have you thought of having a PI do a background check on the OM? Maybe he and your STBXW have a history.




Who cares!!!!

NOne of this is necessary or even useful. Just file, protect yourself and move on. Investigation time is over. The OP already knows more then he needs to know to act.


----------



## ArmyofJuan

atloss said:


> My wife is nowhere near big, she's slim and in a good shape...what does it serve me at...for someone else to enjoy it...


Don't worry about this, there are tons of women out there better than her ready to replace her.

Almost every story you hear on her where the BS gets a new girl afterwards the new girl tends to be prettier and younger than the WS (and nicer to boot). 

Your WS ain't special, you'll figure that out in time.


----------



## Chaparral

KanDo said:


> Who cares!!!!
> 
> NOne of this is necessary or even useful. Just file, protect yourself and move on. Investigation time is over. The OP already knows more then he needs to know to act.


He just may need all the info he can get if there are one or two custody battles in front of him.


----------



## livinfree

ArmyofJuan said:


> *Your WS ain't special, you'll figure that out in time.*


Re-quoted, because it's that good.


----------



## Chaparral

I would get a message to the OM that it may not be your s or his baby. Just a little disinformation campaign.


----------



## Thorburn

The audacity of this woman is just beyond words.


----------



## Shaggy

How exactly did you find the tenant and how did he find you?


----------



## tom67

Chaparral said:


> I would get a message to the OM that it may not be your s or his baby. Just a little disinformation campaign.


I like it!!:lol:


----------



## Fozzy

Make a paternity test priority.

I know your STD test and hers came back clean, which means she's clean for now, but you don't know anything about the OM and whether he's carrying something.

IF that baby is yours, and IF she's still screwing around with him (and presumably she is), and IF he has a disease, there's a possibility that your baby could be in danger if he ends up transmitting it to her sometime after those initial tests were run.


----------



## ThePheonix

Am I reading it right that Atloss's primary goal is to get this snake to drop the boyfriend, come back home and live happily ever after? And ya'll are accusing the wife of being nuts.


----------



## tom67

ThePheonix said:


> Am I reading it right that Atloss's primary goal is to get this snake to drop the boyfriend, come back home and live happily ever after? And ya'll are accusing the wife of being nuts.


No he's divorcing
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## barbados

Been following the thread and it seems to me that the WW may have known the POSOM before he rented from them ??


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

barbados said:


> Been following the thread and it seems to me that the WW may have known the POSOM before he rented from them ??


Sounds like that to me too. 

Both her and the OM are a real piece of work. Get her out of your life as fast as possible.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

ThePheonix said:


> Am I reading it right that Atloss's primary goal is to get this snake to drop the boyfriend, come back home and live happily ever after?


 Only if you stopped reading the entire thread. He felt this way when it was just an EA. When he found out the truth:



atloss said:


> *I told my wife I will demand DNA for the new baby *and will be fighting her in court for custody. Then I'm no longer willing to be her foul. She's still giving me answers. She says I'm being spiteful because *I separated my money from hers* and d*on't allow her to use my car to go to work anymore. Let her lover take her.* I guess I am being spiteful and bitter.
> *
> We're heading full force toward divorce*. As soon *as the last details are in order with my lawyer she will be served the papers. *The guy is very good, they say. Wish I woke up tomorrow, and all this were a bad dream...





> And ya'll are accusing the wife of being nuts.


Yes, which is the same conclusion the MIL and FIL drew.


----------



## atloss

Chaparral said:


> I would get a message to the OM that it may not be your s or his baby. Just a little disinformation campaign.


Ha! I like this !


----------



## tom67

atloss said:


> Ha! I like this !


Hey F^k with his mind:lol:


----------



## atloss

ThePheonix said:


> Am I reading it right that Atloss's primary goal is to get this snake to drop the boyfriend, come back home and live happily ever after? And ya'll are accusing the wife of being nuts.


No, you picked up the right vibe. That's exactly what I honestly hoped it would happen...now, not so much. I am divorcing her, because she pushed me over the limits...and I can't deal with her, acting like she is acting anymore...but if I have to be honest...yes, you are correct, in my heart I still want her.


----------



## atloss

barbados said:


> Been following the thread and it seems to me that the WW may have known the POSOM before he rented from them ??


Barbnados, she might, but this is crazy. He is from the same country like me and my wife - of Hispanic origin. But different city. 
My wife hasn't been "home" since almost 3 years ago. Maybe he's from her past? 
We found him through craigslist - unless she conveniently told him to call after placing the ad. I don't know anymore..with her, nothing surprises me...


----------



## atloss

She will be served the divorce documents on Monday. 
Right now she's still caught in her madness. The other man told her that unless she gets an abortion, he's done. She started to say that maybe she should not keep this baby. I can tell she is considering this option, which proves me right that this was a ruse to get the other guy engaged in a committed relationship. What for, I donno, they can't be faithful anyway?

The sad thing is my son started to sense something is going on. Today he asked me "Dad, why are you mad at mommy? " I said " I am not mad, baby, not at all." He looked at me with big eyes and said "Then why is mommy mad at you?" It took me a while to convince him that mommy is not mad at me either, we just play a game of not talking much. How do you explain such things to a five year old? this is killing me...


----------



## tom67

atloss said:


> She will be served the divorce documents on Monday.
> Right now she's still caught in her madness. The other man told her that unless she gets an abortion, he's done. She started to say that maybe she should not keep this baby. I can tell she is considering this option, which proves me right that this was a ruse to get the other guy engaged in a committed relationship. What for, I donno, they can't be faithful anyway?
> 
> The sad thing is my son started to sense something is going on. Today he asked me "Dad, why are you mad at mommy? " I said " I am not mad, baby, not at all." He looked at me with big eyes and said "Then why is mommy mad at you?" It took me a while to convince him that mommy is not mad at me either, we just play a game of not talking much. How do you explain such things to a five year old? this is killing me...


Ugh that's a tough one. Let her crash find another.


----------



## BashfulB

What if the child is yours? Is she that far gone and cold that she would murder your child just to satisfy her lover? If she is, she may well be the most evil woman on the planet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tom67

BashfulBull said:


> What if the child is yours? Is she that far gone and cold that she would murder your child just to satisfy her lover? If she is, she may well be the most evil woman on the planet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::wtf:


----------



## atloss

I don't know. It can be mine, the other man's or anyone else's. I don't know this woman she turned into. I believe her capable of many things...I donno who she is. My wife, the one I knew, wouldn't have harmed a fly. But she is dead.


----------



## ThePheonix

atloss said:


> .but if I have to be honest...yes, you are correct, in my heart I still want her.


I've said before, what the guy wants, how much he loves her, etc., ain't gonna make no difference in how she views and treats you. The only things that matters in those regards is how she feels about you. 
Staying with her is selling yourself short my man. I said jokingly that you want her back and everyone thinks she's nuts. Give yourself 10-12 months, start seeing other chicks, and she'll become a distant memory. You never want to love a woman who doesn't love you at least equally. Ideally you are better off if a woman cares more about you than you do them.


----------



## atloss

ThePhoenix, you're right. I'm stuck on the memory of the woman she was. The woman I loved. That is the woman I still love.
But I guess I can collect all her photos, burn them down, spread her "ashes" and mourn. For she is dead.


----------



## Blacksmith01

atloss said:


> I don't know. It can be mine, the other man's or anyone else's. I don't know this woman she turned into. I believe her capable of many things...I donno who she is. My wife, the one I knew, wouldn't have harmed a fly. But she is dead.


Sorry to say this but welcome to the club.


----------



## atloss

It's good to know I'm not alone...and appreciate all of you solidarity.


----------



## tom67

atloss said:


> It's good to know I'm not alone...and appreciate all of you solidarity.


You did well by acting quickly and now you can heal and move on that much faster. So many threads here where bs doesn't expose and suffers alot!


----------



## BashfulB

Man look at all of us. Atloss, Blacksmith, me... We're like the survivors of a trainwreck. We're wandering around lost and dazed wondering what the hell we did to deserve the universe taking a big dump on us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## the guy

ThePheonix said:


> Ideally you are better off if a woman cares more about you than you do them.


Been there done that and they still cheat.

From Mrs. the guy...and I quote " I didn't think you cared about me"

In a way she was right, but hell be honest and tell me to go pound sand instead screwing half the town and lie about it.


----------



## tom67

Your main concern will be your child and her mental stability as a parent.


----------



## atloss

BashfulBull said:


> Man look at all of us. Atloss, Blacksmith, me... We're like the survivors of a trainwreck. We're wandering around lost and dazed wondering what the hell we did to deserve the universe taking a big dump on us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Donno, man...I daresay God doesn't like nice guys...
BashfulBull, I started reading your thread...I'm amazed to have found my wife's twin sister ! I'm only at the beginning, have you divorced? will continue reading...as I said, I thought I was the only one...looks like, as you said, there are other victims of this train wreck too...


----------



## the guy

BashfulBull said:


> Man look at all of us. Atloss, Blacksmith, me... We're like the survivors of a trainwreck. We're wandering around lost and dazed wondering what the hell we did to deserve the universe taking a big dump on us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You guys don't see it yet but the universe did you a favor by getting you out from under the bullcrap your old lady was dishing out...hell now your free and in a matter of time the universe will take a big dump on your WW's with regret!!!

Its not us, its them.

Its not what knocks us down that matters it how we get back up that counts!


----------



## EleGirl

atloss said:


> She will be served the divorce documents on Monday.
> Right now she's still caught in her madness. The other man told her that unless she gets an abortion, he's done. She started to say that maybe she should not keep this baby. I can tell she is considering this option, which proves me right that this was a ruse to get the other guy engaged in a committed relationship. What for, I donno, they can't be faithful anyway?
> 
> The sad thing is my son started to sense something is going on. Today he asked me "Dad, why are you mad at mommy? " I said " I am not mad, baby, not at all." He looked at me with big eyes and said "Then why is mommy mad at you?" It took me a while to convince him that mommy is not mad at me either, we just play a game of not talking much. How do you explain such things to a five year old? this is killing me...


I know that you are trying to protect him, but telling him that his very good perception is wrong is not a good idea. It teaches him to not trust himself. He knows something is wrong. 

Do some reading on how to talk to children his age about divorce. There are internet sites and books that address it.

He will be mostly concerned about how his life will change. Change and loss are the major issues. Children tend to blame themselves a often for their parent's failed marriage. 

Generally I'd say that it's better to not tell him about his mother's affair, especially since you are divorcing. But he might very notice that she's going out all the time and start to ask about that as well.


----------



## Decorum

atloss,
I'm glad to see your are thinking objectively. The truth hurts more than some hopeful fantasy, but its your only chance of moving on.

I wish you well.

Take care!


----------



## atloss

tom67 said:


> You did well by acting quickly and now you can heal and move on that much faster. So many threads here where bs doesn't expose and suffers alot!


That because of the good advice given here...it resonated with me. And I had to expose to my in laws, I needed my son out of here while he still was...had to tell them why...and I'm glad I did, if it wasn't for her parents taking my son maybe he would still be living here...would have taken a lot more drama to get him out...


----------



## EleGirl

atloss said:


> ThePhoenix, you're right. I'm stuck on the memory of the woman she was. The woman I loved. That is the woman I still love.
> But I guess I can collect all her photos, burn them down, spread her "ashes" and mourn. For she is dead.


You need to think about your son in this. She's his mother. Keep some photos of her for him. Even some of the two of you together.

When I divorced my son's father I put a family photo in his room. We are his family and it's important to keep that for him.


----------



## atloss

Thank you Decorum. Cracking a tentative of a smile...


----------



## the guy

Stop thinking like a victim.

Your old lady is going to be a vitim soon enough, cuz if she doesn't straight out she will go thru man after man, her kids will resent her and she will die alone in a trailer full of cats a cat boo.

The best revenge is to live well my friend.

Just cuz your old lady doesn't have a moral compase doesn't mean you are going to let her define you.


----------



## atloss

Ele, I won't burn down the photos...was thinking of spreading the ashes of the woman she was...but won't do it...don't have the strenght anyway...not yet...


----------



## tom67

atloss said:


> That because of the good advice given here...it resonated with me. And I had to expose to my in laws, I needed my son out of here while he still was...had to tell them why...and I'm glad I did, if it wasn't for her parents taking my son maybe he would still be living here...would have taken a lot more drama to get him out...


In the near future maybe a few months, you are going to hit the anger stage if you feel you are going to lose it with get the eff out. It will happen!


----------



## the guy

As you can see some folks have been here for a few years and have gotten to the other side and are making it.

It does get better with time.


----------



## LongWalk

Abortion is a very horrible event. I was raised at a time that promoted abortion as a woman's right. It was just a quick and easy procedure like throwing away an unfinished hamburger or driving into a car wash. It was about convenience and need. It was inconvenient to have this baby so you needed to get rid of it.

Banning abortions is not practical because women are going to seek them by other means and create a new wave of suffering. Still, abortion is something that leaves psychic scars in all involved. That is the truth.

Your child who has already come into the world would recoil in horror at the idea of its sibling being eliminated. The very idea creates insecurity.


----------



## the guy

Does your FIL know about his daughter unborn child?


----------



## Mr Blunt

Ataloss

My child was five when my wife pulled off the betrayal.
The one regret that I have is that I concentrated on me and my wife too much. I should have concentrated on my innocent 5 year old child.

My strong suggestion to you is for you to make sure that your child knows that IT IS NOT IN ANY WAY HIS FAULT. Children think it is their fault when their parents are troubled like in the case of infidelity. The children can sense the danger but have no clue how to handle it and that can really damage them. *Make sure you reinforce to your child that he is so loved; in fact overdue it everyday!*

Please concentrate on your child; he is so much more innocent and unable to handle the crises than you or your wife.

In fact I would strongly advice you to try as hard as you can to put your wife completely out of your life. That is not revenge instead it is very smart and the best move for you and the child. You will have to fight the temptation to fix her because you want her back and you are emotionaly needy, instead concentrate on only you and your child. You are not going to be able to do much at all with your wife and maybe you will not be able to do absolutely nothing. Even if you are able to help you wife a little bit, your son deserves all the attention first.

*Your number one job is to protect and nurture your child and yourself. If you put your wife ahead of your son you will deeply regret it.*



So your wife is thinking about an abortion so that she can keep the OM? You also think that she got pregnant on purpose in order to trap the OM. Use those thoughts to get you to choose you and your son over her.

*Su esposa me recuerda "La Llorona".*


----------



## ILMW

Is it possible to do a DNA test at this stage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

LongWalk said:


> Abortion is a very horrible event. I was raised at a time that promoted abortion as a woman's right. It was just a quick and easy procedure like throwing away an unfinished hamburger or driving into a car wash. It was about convenience and need. It was inconvenient to have this baby so you needed to get rid of it.
> 
> Banning abortions is not practical because women are going to seek them by other means and create a new wave of suffering. Still, abortion is something that leaves psychic scars in all involved. That is the truth.
> 
> Your child who has already come into the world would recoil in horror at the idea of its sibling being eliminated. The very idea creates insecurity.


Good post, especially that last point.


----------



## ILMW

Find out who's child is he. If he is yours, protect him. Otherwise let your WW and OM make the call.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Aunt Ava

atloss said:


> The sad thing is my son started to sense something is going on. Today he asked me "Dad, why are you mad at mommy? " I said " I am not mad, baby, not at all." He looked at me with big eyes and said "Then why is mommy mad at you?" It took me a while to convince him that mommy is not mad at me either, we just play a game of not talking much. How do you explain such things to a five year old? this is killing me...


Pleas heed EleGirl's advise. As adults we tend to think children are oblivious to adult problems, but as you have seen children are incredibly perceptive. Your son knows something is going on. He also needs to know he can trust you. 

It took awhile to convince him because he knew you were lying. You can explain that mommy did a very bad thing that hurt you very much. Reassure him, tell him that you love him, and that his mother loves him. Be as honest with him as possible using appropriate language for a 5 year old. He needs to know he can trust you and what you tell him. This is vital in building a solid parent child relationship.


----------



## BashfulB

atloss said:


> Donno, man...I daresay God doesn't like nice guys...
> BashfulBull, I started reading your thread...I'm amazed to have found my wife's twin sister ! I'm only at the beginning, have you divorced? will continue reading...as I said, I thought I was the only one...looks like, as you said, there are other victims of this train wreck too...


Well in my case I found out my wife is addicted to meth. That addiction probably played a big role in how she betrayed me with her OM. Now she is in jail on drug trafficking charges and is sobering up. Now she is calming down and I can see glimpses of the woman I married. 

Your wife is a whole different animal. I see true evil in what she is doing to you. Her willingness to throw away the life of an innocent child just to satisfy her boyfriend, and without knowing who the father is?! That is just barbaric. I don't think my wife, fvcked up as she is, would do something that wicked. 

No I think yours is the worst story I have ever heard. I feel badly for you Atloss and I respect you tremendously, but I wouldn't trade places with you. No way. LOL!


----------



## tom67

BashfulBull said:


> Well in my case I found out my wife is addicted to meth. That addiction probably played a big role in how she betrayed me with her OM. Now she is in jail on drug trafficking charges and is sobering up. Now she is calming down and I can see glimpses of the woman I married.
> 
> Your wife is a whole different animal. I see true evil in what she is doing to you. Her willingness to throw away the life of an innocent child just to satisfy her boyfriend, and without knowing who the father is?! That is just barbaric. I don't think my wife, fvcked up as she is, would do something that wicked.
> 
> No I think yours is the worst story I have ever heard. I feel badly for you Atloss and I respect you tremendously, but I wouldn't trade places with you. No way. LOL!


Yea usually the w will at least attempt an r maybe a false r but even after being exposed she still wants him and she's blind to anything else. She is one of the coldest, no remorse whatsoever! She is gonna fall hard!


----------



## lenzi

BashfulBull said:


> What if the child is yours? Is she that far gone and cold that she would murder your child just to satisfy her lover? If she is, she may well be the most evil woman on the planet.


Abortion is not "the murder of a child" it's the termination of what would be in this case, a very early pregancy. We're talking about a bunch of cells not a child. 

Please don't turn this thread into an abortion debate.

This broken relationship is not one in which to bring an innocent child, regardless of who the father is.



LongWalk said:


> Your child who has already come into the world would recoil in horror at the idea of its sibling being eliminated. The very idea creates insecurity.


Well yeah, if the parents said "You were about to have a baby brother or sister but we killed it and you better clean up your room or you might be next" I could see why the child might "recoil in horror and be insecure" but there's a very easy solution.

Don't tell them about the abortion.

I know you're wondering why you didn't think of that yourself.


----------



## Tron

lenzi said:


> Abortion is not "the murder of a child" it's the termination of what would be in this case, a very early pregancy. We're talking about a bunch of cells not a child.
> 
> Please don't turn this thread into an abortion debate.


You just did Lenzi.


----------



## Nucking Futs

lenzi said:


> Abortion is not "the murder of a child" it's the termination of what would be in this case, a very early pregancy. We're talking about a bunch of cells not a child.
> 
> Please don't turn this thread into an abortion debate.


It wasn't an abortion debate until you made it one. Before you posted it was just a statement.

And I understand that to you it's not a baby until it's managed to survive it's host organism's whims but to me it's already a baby when the mother to be finds out she's pregnant. 

Now if you really want to avoid an abortion debate you'll let this go by without responding.


----------



## Decorum

Tron said:


> You just did Lenzi.


Yes indeed in the most presumptuous way possible!

Its what the OP thinks that matters.

As I read it, the OP is not a little distressed at the thought that his WW would "terminate the pregnancy".

More so than he would be were she just blowing her nose.


----------



## LonelyinLove

lenzi said:


> Abortion is not "the murder of a child" it's the termination of what would be in this case, a very early pregancy. We're talking about a bunch of cells not a child.
> 
> Please don't turn this thread into an abortion debate.
> 
> This broken relationship is not one in which to bring an innocent child, regardless of who the father is.


First paragraph, it's a bunch of cells. Last sentence, it's an innocent child.

But let's not debate it..... :scratchhead:

I'm a former L&D nurse. I could write a book about abortion and regret.


----------



## lenzi

LonelyinLove said:


> First paragraph, it's a bunch of cells. Last sentence, it's an innocent child.
> 
> But let's not debate it..... :scratchhead:.


Right now it's a bunch of cells, if the pregnancy goes to completion at that point it's an innocent child which will be brought into a mess of a situation.


----------



## tulsy

atloss said:


> ...
> Today I overheard her on the phone with him. He's not thrilled with the baby news and she's trying to convince him it's his. While on the other hand she said to me it could very well be mine too. I guess he was questioning her word, as she said something that really made me think : *" Come on, you don't trust me? How long have we known each other ??" *I found this strange. How long have they known each other? Like 5 months? But the tone she said it implied more than that. I wonder if there is more to this story than what they admitted to......


Ya, they set this up. If she used those words, that indicates that she has known him for a very long time. *It`s something you would ONLY say to someone you`ve known for a long time. *


----------



## LonelyinLove

lenzi said:


> Right now it's a bunch of cells, if the pregnancy goes to completion at that point it's an innocent child which will be brought into a mess of a situation.


You just keep telling yourself that....

As for the OP....get a DNA done, fathers have rights. Even if the baby is in the cellular stage....


----------



## happyman64

Tron said:


> You just did Lenzi.


I agree.

I am just glad Lenzi is not my sperm donor or egg donor.

Otherwise this bunch a cells might not ever have been put together....


----------



## tulsy

LonelyinLove said:


> You just keep telling yourself that....
> .


Can we drop it now? Please and thank you.


----------



## Maricha75

lenzi said:


> Right now it's a bunch of cells, if the pregnancy goes to completion at that point it's an innocent child which will be brought into a mess of a situation.


Knock it off. It is YOUR opinion. YOUR opinion about this particular matter means nothing. The OP's opinion, which apparently meshes with that of BashfulBull's, is what matters. Even my own opinion (which also is that of BashfulBull's) is insignificant. CWI, and specifically, this thread, is not the place to debate whether a baby is a baby at conception or not. Take that argument to the debate forum.


----------



## atloss

She's only 8 weeks pregnant now getting into ninth. I tend to agree with Lenzi, the baby is not formed yet. Whatever decision has to be made, should be made now.
I told her I want to do the DNA now. At first she said no, but then asked me if this child is mine, will I accept it despite the terms we are on? I told her if it is mine will be loved the same as the first one. If not, we're divorcing anyway, so it's the other guy's problem. She finally relented and accepted to go for a test. Her ob can see us tomorrow, and will take about 48 hours for the results.

We did not tell our son about the potential baby brother or sister. And we won't unless she keeps it. 
My in laws told her that will accept the child regardless who the father is, but if it is other man's, not to come with him to their house, or ever expect them to accept him as her new husband. That felt good to know.


----------



## tom67

atloss said:


> She's only 8 weeks pregnant now getting into ninth. I tend to agree with Lenzi, the baby is not formed yet. Whatever decision has to be made, should be made now.
> I told her I want to do the DNA now. At first she said no, but then asked me if this child is mine, will I accept it despite the terms we are on? I told her if it is mine will be loved the same as the first one. If not, we're divorcing anyway, so it's the other guy's problem. She finally relented and accepted to go for a test. Her ob can see us tomorrow, and will take about 48 hours for the results.
> 
> We did not tell our son about the potential baby brother or sister. And we won't unless she keeps it.
> My in laws told her that will accept the child regardless who the father is, but if it is other man's, not to come with him to their house, or ever expect them to accept them as her new husband. That felt good to know.


Your in laws are good people
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## atloss

Yes they are. Very decent, respectable people. They have the marriage I wished for myself and my wife.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Good lord people, talk about atloss' situation, not your hypocrisy that one person's comment is a statement and the one you disagree with is an opinion.


----------



## LostViking

Yes they are good people. So how did they raise Cruella DeVillle ?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tulsy

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Good lord people, talk about atloss' situation, not your hypocrisy that one person's comment is a statement and the one you disagree with is an opinion.


exactly


----------



## Maricha75

LostViking said:


> Yes they are good people. So how did they raise Cruella DeVillle ?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The same way my aunt raised one daughter who went to prison for molesting children and another daughter who is the complete opposite... each made her own choice in life, just as OP's wife.


----------



## ThePheonix

atloss said:


> ThePhoenix, you're right. I'm stuck on the memory of the woman she was. The woman I loved. That is the woman I still love.
> But I guess I can collect all her photos, burn them down, spread her "ashes" and mourn. For she is dead.


The good news; you can replace her and find someone who will love you more. Its like a truck. Its better to have one you like and can depend on than one you "love" that randomly leave you setting beside the road. 
If you stay with a woman who treats you like crap, you're choosing to live your life being treated like crap. I ain't never met a woman that'd make that much of a bargain my man.


----------



## EleGirl

tom67 said:


> Your in laws are good people



I agree. So far they have shown character that few people seem to have. I hope they continue in this manner.


----------



## BashfulB

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Good lord people, talk about atloss' situation, not your hypocrisy that one person's comment is a statement and the one you disagree with is an opinion.


I didn't mean to start a big fight.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

BashfulBull said:


> I didn't mean to start a big fight.


It was more the brow beating and blame shifting, from multiple posters, that irritated me not the opinions. Seriously, abortion and conception aren't going to help AtL in this mess.


----------



## Stalin12

do you have any updates at a loss


----------



## Stalin12

do you have any updates at a loss?


----------



## LonelyinLove

How is it going atloss?


----------



## atloss

Yes,but I don't know if it's good news or bad. The baby is mine. I'm the father. This kind of shocked my wife and shook her up from her fog a little bit. She apologized to me for the first time for the way she behaved. But then ran to the other man's place. When she came back she locked herself in my son's room and I could hear her sobbing. I don't know what happened. Guess he's dumped her or close to dumping her.
I don't know what to do here. I'm shocked myself.


----------



## atloss

Yes,but I don't know if it's good news or bad. The baby is mine. I'm the father. This kind of shocked my wife and shook her up from her fog a little bit. She apologized to me for the first time for the way she behaved. But then ran to the other man's place. When she came back she locked herself in my son's room and I could hear her sobbing. I don't know what happened. Guess he's dumped her or close to dumping her.
I don't know what to do here. I'm shocked myself.


----------



## happyman64

Congratulations AtLoss on the good news.

Always remember the choice is yours not hers.

I truly hope her pregnancy made her hormones go crazy but I highly doubt this is the case.

HM


----------



## Shaggy

Now you need to watch her because unfortunately if the OM is dumping her because the child's not his. She may try to abort.


----------



## tom67

atloss said:


> Yes,but I don't know if it's good news or bad. The baby is mine. I'm the father. This kind of shocked my wife and shook her up from her fog a little bit. She apologized to me for the first time for the way she behaved. But then ran to the other man's place. When she came back she locked herself in my son's room and I could hear her sobbing. I don't know what happened. Guess he's dumped her or close to dumping her.
> I don't know what to do here. I'm shocked myself.


Stay strong maybe she will come around maybe not.


----------



## 3putt

Shaggy said:


> Now you need to watch her because unfortunately if the OM is dumping her because the child's not his. She may try to abort.


I thought he was threatening to dump her if the child was his?

Hell, she may try to abort either way.

I had my doubts about this thread at first, but this is beyond fvcked up.


----------



## tom67

3putt said:


> I thought he was threatening to dump her if the child was his?
> 
> Hell, she may try to abort either way.
> 
> I had my doubts about this tread at first, but this is beyond fvcked up.


:iagree::iagree:


----------



## barbados

Doubt the POSOM is gonna stick around now that the child is not his.


----------



## tom67

barbados said:


> Doubt the POSOM is gonna stick around now that the child is not his.


He'll find another piece of @ss without all the drama.


----------



## lenzi

atloss said:


> Yes,but I don't know if it's good news or bad. The baby is mine. I'm the father.


Sorry to hear it. Things just got a lot more difficult for you. Now the pregancy IS your problem. 

If it was me, I'd insist on the abortion and get this woman out of your life as quickly as possible.

She could be crying because it's not the OMs child so she doesn't have that connection with him that she thought she did, she could be crying because she's considering terminating the pregnancy, she could be crying because she's pregnant with your child and doesn't want to be with you anymore (that's my guess). Or she could be crying because she realized she messed up everyone's life by having an affair and her marriage is going down the tube and maybe OM doesn't want her and now she's got the responsibilities of a pregnancy on top of all that.


----------



## atloss

3putt said:


> I thought he was threatening to dump her if the child was his?
> 
> Hell, she may try to abort either way.
> 
> I had my doubts about this thread at first, but this is beyond fvcked up.


My guess is he doesn't want her pregnant either way. Of course he must be relieved that he is not the father. He even called me to ask about the results. Guess he can't take her word. I should have boiled him a little and say that it is his, to see what he would be saying. 
That was after she came back. I haven't asked either of them what they discussed. I just guess the "honeymoon" is over. Now she has tucked our kid and turned off the lights. Guess she is sleeping. I can't sleep, thinking and thinking..


----------



## atloss

happyman64 said:


> Congratulations AtLoss on the good news.
> 
> Always remember the choice is yours not hers.
> 
> I truly hope her pregnancy made her hormones go crazy but I highly doubt this is the case.
> 
> HM


Nope, the pregnancy is not the culprit. She has been sleeping with him for the last 5 months ( that I know of, at least).

I don't feel at all that the choice is mine not hers. She could lie to me and go abort. I don't even know if I want this baby, as horrible as it sounds. I would not ask her to abort and will love it when born, but I'm not sure if I would do anything to stop her.
I'm too messed up right now, and my mind is foggy.


----------



## lenzi

atloss said:


> He even called me to ask about the results. Guess he can't take her word. I should have boiled him a little and say that it is his, to see what he would be saying.


The guy who is screwing your wife called you up to discuss the test results?

And you spoke to him about it? Rather than telling him to F&*K off and slamming the phone down?

What's next you going to buy him a beer?

Now I've heard everything.


----------



## atloss

Well even if I said fk off and slammed down the phone, what use...the damage has been done. At least now that he knows it's not his baby he might have an epiphany that he should back off. Can't count on that, though. And no, I'm not going to buy him a beer, the thought alone makes my stomach sick.


----------



## Will_Kane

It is out of your control. She has chosen him over you. If he dumps her, if she comes back to you, then you can decide what you want to do about her. As it is now, assume nothing has changed.

How do you feel about abortion? What did your wife used to feel about it? I say "used to," because as you can see, this other man has changed a lot of how she used to be.

If she chooses abortion, I don't think you have any rights, but I could be wrong about that, so if you think that might be an issue, you should consult an attorney as soon as possible.

You mentioned in a previous post about having her served with the divorce papers. Did that happen? And if so, what was her reaction?

When things get overwhelming, sometimes all you can do is take it day by day, hour by hour, or even minute by minute. Right now, continue with the divorce process. The new baby will be treated the same as the son you already have in the divorce. Her behavior has been wicked, evil, atrocious, monstrous, abominable, detestable, contemptible, reprehensible, despicable, egregious, abhorrent, loathsome, heinous. If your wife wants to reconcile, it's all on her to beg her way back into your good graces. Until then, carry on as you have been, as best as you can.


----------



## Will_Kane

You are going to get through this. One way or another, a year from now, this all will be in your past. No matter what happens, a year from now, you will be in a better place, moving forward with your life.


----------



## lenzi

atloss said:


> Well even if I said fk off and slammed down the phone, what use...the damage has been done.


I cannot fathom how you could have a civil discussion with this man about _anything. _


----------



## atloss

No, I was going to serve her at the beginning of this week, but wanted to wait for the DNA results. And now I don't know what to do. There is a new life to consider as well. My brain feels stuck.

She didn't say much. She used to love babies and wanted to keep all God sends us. Now I don't know what's going on in her crazed head.


----------



## lenzi

atloss said:


> No, I was going to serve her at the beginning of this week, but wanted to wait for the DNA results. And now I don't know what to do.


I'm not getting why her being pregnant makes any difference with you filing for divorce. The two things are not at all related. 

You might be stuck supporting a child for another 18-21 years, that's true, and the child will be born to a single parent household, that's true as well but what can you do? Whether she terminates the pregnancy or not is her call, but that does not stop you from terminating HER.



atloss said:


> Now I don't know what's going on in her crazed head.


You want her to terminate this pregnancy. Hopefully a divorce petition will shake some reality into her "crazed head".


----------



## the guy

Man that would suck if my girl friend was pregnent with another mans baby......what the hell do you think they talked about!!!!!!

The OM was cheated on and this pregnency is an eye opener...hell your wife most likely told OM thet you guys haven't had sex in years as he was going down on her.

You sir are correct...the honeymoon is over and it just isn't as exciting now that everyone knows. The fun is gone now that its no longer "their little secret". Now when they walk thru town everybody can point and say "there goes the kid seeing that married women"...

Hell ya the honeymoon is over now that the day to day life of having a "real" relationship involves all this drama.

At the end of the day this affair is just to much work for the OM..


----------



## the guy

atloss said:


> No, I was going to serve her at the beginning of this week, but wanted to wait for the DNA results. And now I don't know what to do. There is a new life to consider as well. My brain feels stuck.
> 
> She didn't say much. She used to love babies and wanted to keep all God sends us. Now I don't know what's going on in her crazed head.


This pregnecy was a start in breaking down the fantasy....finish it off by having her served.

You can alway withdraw it if you see action and remorse...and if you don't then at least the ball is already rolling.


----------



## the guy

Having her served is not the same as finalizing a divorce...

My thinking is that now that the OM's girl friend is divorcing she will be his problem....permently!

I also think that OM doesn't want WW but likes the sex. SO with that said finish this fantay off and have her served and watch the OM run for the hills...just like he was when he thought she was having his baby.


----------



## BK23

You got paternity test results back in under 4 days, including a weekend?

That is awfully fast.... Which lab did you use?


----------



## lenzi

BK23 said:


> You got paternity test results back in under 4 days, including a weekend?
> 
> That is awfully fast.... Which lab did you use?


I Googled it. 2-3 days seems typical.


----------



## atloss

My wife's OB recommended us Genetica labs. They do it in aprox 48 hours. 
I start to grow tired of suspicions about everything I say about my situation. I have a lot in my plate even without it.


----------



## bryanp

Have a second test done. Labs make mistakes all the time.


----------



## the guy

Hang in there man...folks are trying to weed out the bad apples (trollls)and it helps all of us in this community when they do.


----------



## the guy

bryanp said:


> Have a second test done. Labs make mistakes all the time.


Does the nine weeks work, can you place an exact day you guy had sex?

BTW is the intel coming from your old lady or are you with here when the info is being told to her by her Doctor?


----------



## atloss

Yes to both. They run the test taking a tiny sample from the placenta. And yes, I was present.
Appreciate the words of support, the_guy.


----------



## Maricha75

bryanp said:


> Have a second test done. Labs make mistakes all the time.


You would seriously suggest that they go in and take another sample to do this? They have to stick a needle inside to take a sample of the choirionic villus (hence the name, chorionic villus sampling, or CVS for short). This test is risky as it is to do it one time, especially at only 9 weeks, since it is USUALLY done at 10-12 weeks. So, unless they still have some stored in the lab "just in case", I would say taking another sample would be a bit too much risk, especially if either of them is leaning toward NOT aborting.


----------



## Will_Kane

You had one child before, now you have two. There are a lot of things she could have said to you if she wanted to reconcile. She didn't. She is behaving the same, for the time being assume that she plans to carry on as she has been. Continue with the divorce. It's a long process, and you might as well get it started. If things change, you can always stop it.

She may want to abort; if you want to prevent that, see an attorney. I don't know what rights you have, if any, when it comes to the unborn child. An attorney will be able to explain how to proceed.

As far as she is concerned, what can you do? Just keep pushing forward with your life, one day at a time.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

tom67 said:


> Stay strong maybe she will come around maybe not.


Maybe ... but he doesn't want to be plan B either. Does he really want to make it work if she's only willing to reconcile because she has no other option? What are the chances of that reconciliation working?


----------



## ThePheonix

Most likely the story will end with her staying with Atloss, him working his azz off supporting her and the two kids, while she continues to bang the neighbor.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

atloss said:


> No, I was going to serve her at the beginning of this week, but wanted to wait for the DNA results. And now I don't know what to do. There is a new life to consider as well. My brain feels stuck.
> 
> She didn't say much. She used to love babies and wanted to keep all God sends us. Now I don't know what's going on in her crazed head.


I agree with the others; I don't understand how having two kids makes it any different than having one kid. Filing does not make it final and it is a long process. She has a window of opportunity during this process to change her ways. What are you going to do? Put up with her cheating on you until both your kids are out of the house?

Yes, I would double, triple check to see if the child is yours. First, you simply need to know if the first result was accurate. Secondly, if you got that information from her and not directly from the doctor or documentation then I wouldn't consider it beneath her to lie about this too if it was to her advantage.


----------



## Decorum

the guy said:


> This pregnecy was a start in breaking down the fantasy....finish it off by having her served.
> 
> You can alway withdraw it if you see action and remorse...and if you don't then at least the ball is already rolling.


:iagree:


She has earned the divorce, let her earn the relationship back.


----------



## Mr Blunt

> Now I don't know what's going on in her crazed head.


This you do know. She has chosen the OM over you, her child, and the unborn child! Unless she has a tremendous turn around, you had better start thinking of you and the children ONLY!

If she does not have a drastic change you will never have a good marriage or have you and yoru wife as a good set of parents for your children. In addition, you will wind up as a door mat that will damage your ability to be a good father.

If you continue to try and figure out what is going on in her crazed head you will make yourself into a dish rag that will be no good to anyone. GET GOING NOW and do whatever you have to do to help you and your child. If you do not know what to do then get help so that you can get going immediately.

The sooner you are able to not be consumed by your wife’s very destructive thinking. The better you and your child will be. Your wife will completely destroy you in her present state so do not hesitate get going so that you can be there for your children.

One thing that I know you can start doing and that is to force yourself to not think about her at all then get help to build your self up. Your wife is so deep in the fog that there is little or nothing you can do for her.

*Right now it is either you and the children or her. You are in a fight for your emotional life and you beter get tougher so that you do not lose completly.*


----------



## Decorum

Atloss,

You are a nice guy, there is no doubt.

I would be honored to have you as a friend or neighbor.

If I needed help, say with a project I think you could be counted upon to be there and help, and enable things to get done.

There are circumstances under which I’m not sure I would want to count on you. There are times when being a nice guy is a liability. 

One of those times is with a cheating spouse.

Why? Because sometimes when there is a choice to be made picking the nice considerate thing to do backfires on you.

This can actually enable behavior you want to discourage.

If you want to blow up an affair you have to make choices and take actions that force the cheating spouse to face the consequences of their actions.

The level of disrespect your WW has shown you is breathtaking.

I believe she has done this so visibly, so in your face, because you are such a nice guy that she had no fear of consequences, no respect for your actions.

She completely disregarded your feelings, your pain, and your wellbeing, as well as that of her family.

Now that was not nice of her. 

So we know that nice is not a motivating factor in what she has done.

If your niceness has enabled her awful behavior what can we expect that more nice behavior on your part will result in?

Appreciation? Respect? Love?

Hardly.

Realize that certain actions blow things up and certain actions enable or empower something.

If we control the mass of a nuclear reaction we can produce power, if we apply a charge and achieve some critical mass we blow things up.

It might be a nice thing to provide power to an aggressive force that is willingly acting in a way that does you harm but it would not be wise.

You had a choice; have her served before the paternity test came in or after.

What was the nice thing to do? What was its result?

The result, she only has to deal with one thing at a time, she has time to work on her options and she avoids the overwhelming consequences of her actions. 

All because you think, being the nice guy you are, that maybe she will see you for who you are, see your niceness and come back to you.

That would be nice! 

Nice for her, because if the child had been the other mans and he dumped her (unless she aborts) she still has a safe place to land with you, at least until she can work out her future without you. 

Remember she is not being nice!

What would the alternative be?
She was confronted with the prospect of divorce and the paternity test at the same time,

Regardless of who the father is OM wants out (unless she aborts, he is a lover not a father).

But also then she does not have a safe place to land with you. Kaboom! 

Her world is blown up and the consequences hit her hard, she is FORCED TO SEE AND CONNECT what her actions have wrought. Maybe! But it is your best shot at opening up her heart again.

If you want to harden her heart then be nice to her, protect her from consequences, if you want her to honestly face her actions and their consequences, then Kaboom! 

Your good intentions may be sell defeating.

You need to nuke her world!:gun:

Btw this has nothing to do with being rude or unkind, just cool, firm, dispassionate. Let her reap what she has sown.

Hindsight is only 20:20 if you learn from it.

Take care!


----------



## bfree

There is one thing that you all are not seeing from Atloss' point of view. He is not sure he wants this child. But he also doesn't want to force his wife's hand regarding an abortion. If he served her with divorce papers he and we know that it doesn't happen overnight. But she will see it as a door closing. She will feel the need to grasp at straws and try to get back with the OM and the only way to do that is to abort this pregnancy. Now we know that it won't work. The OM isn't going to take her back. Oh he might bed her a few times but in reality that relationship has probably ended. But in her fogged up brain she won't see it like that. She might see the pregnancy as an obstacle to her hapiness and since her marriage is over she will do whatever she can to end up with at least one man. So I believe that Atloss doesn't want to push her in one direction or another for fear of how she will react. He has to decide what he wants first vis-a-vis this baby before he decides his next move. At least that's what I'd be thinking if I were in his shoes.


----------



## Chaparral

I'm guessing the thrill has gone to be banging a woman carrying her husbands baby. 

Be patient, there is no hurry. Personally, I would be doing what I could to save my babies life if I were you. I would tell her I would take care of it.


----------



## Chaparral

Maybe you should talk to the om and ask him what he is pushing her to do. Have you exposed him to his family?


----------



## aug

Chaparral said:


> *I'm guessing the thrill has gone to be banging a woman carrying her husbands baby. *
> 
> Be patient, there is no hurry. Personally, I would be doing what I could to save my babies life if I were you. I would tell her I would take care of it.


Oh, I dont know about that. There's a certain thrill in knowing you'll never get her pregnant and in doing one who is.


----------



## LonelyinLove

Wow. I'm surprised.

Congratulations (I guess).


I'm guessing she is begining to de-fog and realizes the total mess she has made. Who knows what the OM did to mess with her head....


----------



## aug

The best solution, speaking without any emotional investment here, is to carry on the divorce.

That's the consequences of having an affair -- one she did right in your face.

She needs to be broken, not temporary, to be able to reevaluate herself and initiate change in herself.

Divorce her. Dont worry about an unborn baby yet. There's always time later to deal with it.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

atloss said:


> My guess is he doesn't want her pregnant either way. Of course he must be relieved that he is not the father. *He even called me to ask about the results.* Guess he can't take her word. I should have boiled him a little and say that it is his, to see what he would be saying.
> That was after she came back. I haven't asked either of them what they discussed. I just guess the "honeymoon" is over. Now she has tucked our kid and turned off the lights. Guess she is sleeping. I can't sleep, thinking and thinking..


Why are you talking to him? Tell him to f*ck off when he calls.


----------



## EleGirl

I think that atloss was smart to talk to the OM and confirm that the baby is not his. OM will most likely run for the hills now. OM will not be out of the picture.


----------



## Broken_in_Brooklyn

atloss said:


> No, I was going to serve her at the beginning of this week, but wanted to wait for the DNA results. And now I don't know what to do. There is a new life to consider as well. My brain feels stuck.
> 
> *She didn't say much.* She used to love babies and wanted to keep all God sends us. Now I don't know what's going on in her crazed head.


Her actions say it all. 

Ask yourself, do you really think you could stay married to her after all of this? Just divorce her with out destroying her. She needs to be a mom to your kid(s) no matter what happens.


----------



## Machiavelli

atloss said:


> Hello all, I'm in a dire need for help. My situation is too embarassing for me to be able to talk to anyone and I feel I'm losing my mind !
> My wife and I have been married for 6 years. We are both in our early 30's. We found a single man, steadily employed, in his late 20's,


Never bring another guy to live in your home. Even family needs watching. Too late, I know. 

Divorce your wife. You can replace her easily with someone much younger and more attractive. In your early thirties, your wife is already on the downward slope, while you will still be getting more attractive to women over the next decade. You can get someone who is not only younger and more attractive, but also a decent person.


----------



## LonelyinLove

Machiavelli said:


> Divorce your wife. You can replace her easily with someone much younger and more attractive.


Well, we all know that's the priority here....

It's sounds like someone in this relationship already tried that...and see how well that worked out?


----------



## Machiavelli

LonelyinLove said:


> Well, we all know that's the priority here....
> 
> It's sounds like someone in this relationship already tried that...and see how well that worked out?


Who did she divorce? I must have missed that part.


----------



## LonelyinLove

Machiavelli said:


> Who did she divorce? I must have missed that part.


She traded her affections for a younger man.

Despite what she has done, which is pretty rotten, she is still the mother of his child(ren).

If you must divorce, hopefully for a valid reason, "trading up" based on age and looks won't cure the ill. 

Stellar looks and a younger age in a new spouse are no guarantee of marital happiness.


----------



## Nucking Futs

LonelyinLove said:


> She traded her affections for a younger man.
> 
> Despite what she has done, which is pretty rotten, she is still the mother of his child(ren).
> 
> If you must divorce, hopefully for a valid reason, "trading up" based on age and looks won't cure the ill.
> 
> Stellar looks and a younger age in a new spouse are no guarantee of marital happiness.


Nobody's advocating divorcing her for the purposes of trading up. Divorce her for infidelity. Trading up is what happens naturally after.


----------



## Squeakr

Nucking Futs said:


> Nobody's advocating divorcing her for the purposes of trading up. Divorce her for infidelity. Trading up is what happens naturally after.


Agreed, but trading up doesn't always mean younger and prettier. I would be just as happy with someone my age or slightly older (I like everyone else has my own personal tastes, so nothing against people older than I , I just am not attracted to them generally the same as with other characteristics) as long as they shared my views, morals, and outlook for the future (as hopefully these won't change, like they did with my WW), but age and appearance always will. It is unavoidable.


----------



## Machiavelli

LonelyinLove said:


> She traded her affections for a younger man.


The problem, according to the rules of our modern society, is that she failed to divorce first. She hasn't, as you put it, "traded her affections," she has voided her marriage contract by engaging in adultery.



LonelyinLove said:


> Despite what she has done, which is pretty rotten, she is still the mother of his child(ren).


Unfortunately, it is almost a certainty that OP will have to pay child support.



LonelyinLove said:


> If you must divorce, hopefully for a valid reason,


The only reason more valid than adultery is cuckoldry, and it took a DNA test to find rule out cuckoldry.



LonelyinLove said:


> "trading up" based on age and looks won't cure the ill.


The "ill" caused by this woman will never be cured, but a high quality woman can go a long way towards helping OP get beyond it.



LonelyinLove said:


> Stellar looks and a younger age in a new spouse are no guarantee of marital happiness.


There are no guarantees about anything in life, but there is certainly no future in remaining yoked to such a woman.


----------



## LonelyinLove

Nucking Futs said:


> Nobody's advocating divorcing her for the purposes of trading up. Divorce her for infidelity. Trading up is what happens naturally after.


Not if your criteria for a new mate is based on looks and age.

Suppose you find someone older then you, not as physically attractive as your buddies at the bar approve if, and you walk away....never knowing what a loyal and awesome person you missed.

I learned the hard way about dissing someone the crowd thought had less then acceptable looks. Not only did I miss out on a wonderful person, I hurt him as well.

Never again. And my children are being taught to judge based on the heart, not the camera, and certainly not on the shallow reasonings of the "crowd"...


----------



## Iver

For starters why don't you sit down with your wife and ask her what is going on. Most likely the OM dumped her. She is finding out most guys don't want to deal with a pregnant woman.

Divorce her. If things turn around you always have the option to marry her again. (I can't imagine what she would have to do for you to consider that but to each his own.)

She created this mess - do not cave in and try to rescue her from it. She needs to deal with this disaster on her own.


----------



## Machiavelli

LonelyinLove said:


> Not if your criteria for a new mate is based on looks and age.
> 
> Suppose you find someone older then you, not as physically attractive as your buddies at the bar approve if, and you walk away....never knowing what a loyal and awesome person you missed.
> 
> I learned the hard way about dissing someone the crowd thought had less then acceptable looks. Not only did I miss out on a wonderful person, I hurt him as well.
> 
> Never again. And my children are being taught to judge based on the heart, not the camera, and certainly not on the shallow reasonings of the "crowd"...


Sexual attraction is a manifestation of the limbic reproductive system. Note the age difference between sexual attraction peaks for women as opposed to men:








The article that goes with the graphic is also very interesting.


----------



## bfree

Iver said:


> For starters why don't you sit down with your wife and ask her what is going on. Most likely the OM dumped her. She is finding out most guys don't want to deal with a pregnant woman.
> 
> Divorce her. If things turn around you always have the option to marry her again. (I can't imagine what she would have to do for you to consider that but to each his own.)
> 
> She created this mess - do not cave in and try to rescue her from it. She needs to deal with this disaster on her own.


What about the unborn child?


----------



## LonelyinLove

Machiavelli said:


> The problem, according to the rules of our modern society, is that she failed to divorce first. She hasn't, as you put it, "traded her affections," she has voided her marriage contract by engaging in adultery.
> 
> I agree....
> 
> Unfortunately, it is almost a certainty that OP will have to pay child support.
> 
> Yes, children need to be supported. Perhaps he will have custody.
> 
> The only reason more valid than adultery is cuckoldry, and it took a DNA test to find rule out cuckoldry.
> 
> Again, I agree.
> 
> The "ill" caused by this woman will never be cured, but a high quality woman can go a long way towards helping OP get beyond it.
> 
> You don't believe in forgiveness?
> 
> There are no guarantees about anything in life, but there is certainly no future in remaining yoked to such a woman.


I could site a situation that I know of that is very similar...

The couple did get back together, although it was a long and painful process.

They are actually very happy now (12 yrs later). It took true repentance on the wayward husbands part, and true forgiveness on the wronged wifes.

It also took forgiveness from all his angry friends (that would be us and a few more) but that's another story...but, yes, we did.


----------



## BashfulB

Atloss sounds like he's overwhelmed and paralyzed. Man I know that feeling. It's hard to take action when your brain doesn't work.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Iver

"What about the unborn child? "

I think the OP has to treat that as a separate issue from his marriage. She moves out, perhaps to her parents place. They divorce. 

He manages child custody according to court decree. Most likely (guessing here) the mother would have custody of the baby full time for a couple years. The daughter would most likely be a 50-50 split.

I just can't see staying married to this woman - baby or no baby. Just no. 

(Frankly her behavior is such that I wonder if she's mentally ill to some degree.)


----------



## Iver

BashfulBull said:


> Atloss sounds like he's overwhelmed and paralyzed. Man I know that feeling. It's hard to take action when your brain doesn't work.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I strongly recommend Atloss see his G.P. and discuss getting anxiety meds - if anyone can justify getting them Atloss certainly can.


----------



## Machiavelli

LonelyinLove said:


> I could site a situation that I know of that is very similar...
> 
> The couple did get back together, although it was a long and painful process.
> 
> They are actually very happy now (12 yrs later). It took true repentance on the wayward husbands part, and true forgiveness on the wronged wifes.
> 
> It also took forgiveness from all his angry friends (that would be us and a few more) but that's another story...but, yes, we did.


Yes, WHs quite often reconcile with BW's. Not so much with WWs and BHs, though. Again, it's all about mother nature. The idea that men should be limited to sex with only their wives is a fairly new one, as opposed to mere _legal_ monogamy, which has been around since the ancient Greeks.


----------



## Machiavelli

Iver said:


> (Frankly her behavior is such that I wonder if she's mentally ill to some degree.)


Naw, it's just the usual brain sex chemicals at work. Age 30 is her sex drive peak, younger man of roughly equal sex rank one door down, 7 yr itch, mother nature takes its course. Now it's just the fallout of the dopamine, noradrenaline, serotonin, etc. and the resultant craving of OM sex.


----------



## bfree

Iver said:


> "What about the unborn child? "
> 
> I think the OP has to treat that as a separate issue from his marriage. She moves out, perhaps to her parents place. They divorce.
> 
> He manages child custody according to court decree. Most likely (guessing here) the mother would have custody of the baby full time for a couple years. The daughter would most likely be a 50-50 split.
> 
> I just can't see staying married to this woman - baby or no baby. Just no.
> 
> (Frankly her behavior is such that I wonder if she's mentally ill to some degree.)


But its not a separate issue. Don't you see that he might be concerned with her making a decision about the baby that is not in his best interests? You are assuming that she isn't going to pursue an abortion. I'm not saying they have to stay together in the long run but I can see how the unborn child would give him pause. And maybe he doesn't want to completely close the door on a possible R at some point.

He serves her divorce papers, she flips out and gets an abortion thinking its the only way she can salvage a relationship with the OM since now she has lost her husband already. The OM rejects her and now the result is Atloss loses a son/daughter for nothing and of course he could never even think about a R with the woman that killed his child.


----------



## bfree

Machiavelli said:


> Naw, it's just the usual brain sex chemicals at work. Age 30 is her sex drive peak, younger man of roughly equal sex rank one door down, 7 yr itch, mother nature takes its course. Now it's just the fallout of the dopamine, noradrenaline, serotonin, etc. and the resultant craving of OM sex.


I always read that women peaked sexually between the ages of 24-27 and that men peaked between ages 30-34?


----------



## Machiavelli

bfree said:


> I always read that women peaked sexually between the ages of 24-27 and that men peaked between ages 30-34?


I'm referring to the age of maximum female libido, rather than the age of maximum attraction, which you're correct about (men peak at 35-38, usually). See that pink and blue graph I posted. I recommend the blog post it came from, as well.


----------



## lenzi

bfree said:


> of course he could never even think about a R with the woman that killed his child.


Women get abortions all the time and their relationship partners don't run away from them. 

I was going to say that it isn't killing a child, it's only terminating the growth of a few undifferentiated cells but if I did say that I run the risk of being accused of starting a debate so I won't say it.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

Crazy stuff. 

The power of those wacky chemicals in the melon are incomprehensable huh?. 

Along that line... _It's important to remind yourself that your suffering from some chemical 'delusions' _of your own right now. 

Have no doubt, this isn't a novel, a movie, or the daydreams we've all had as BS' sometimes... *There isn't a scenario where this ends well. 

*Forcefeed yourself reality no matter how bad it tastes. Your marriage is over. Don't let it drag out. Try to focus on damage control for the kid(s). 

I'm sorry.

ps. I noticed you mentioned her parents are really great people, and I agree it sounds like her dad in partculiar is a stand up guy... Don't be lulled, and don't say to much. *They will turn on you in a blink of an eye.* Cliche's become cliche's for a reason and "blood is thicker water".


----------



## Maricha75

lenzi said:


> Women get abortions all the time and their relationship partners don't run away from them.
> 
> *I was going to say* that it isn't killing a child, it's only terminating the growth of a few undifferentiated cells but *if I did say that* I run the risk of being accused of starting a debate *so I won't say it*.


Wow....

As for the first part... how many of them are married and the spouse unilaterally made the decision, without even making mention of it? Yea, not the same thing at all.


----------



## lenzi

Maricha75 said:


> Wow....
> 
> As for the first part... how many of them are married and the spouse unilaterally made the decision, without even making mention of it? Yea, not the same thing at all.


I believe the Op had suggested he was leaning in the direction of terminating the pregnancy if he had any say in the matter.


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## Iver

I realize the incoming baby makes this an unholy mess.

Just the whole scene is so tawdry. Banging the roommate for months. (do we really know what the deal is here? How long have they actually known each other?) Having unprotected sex with two men where she wasn't sure who the father is. Her behavior since Dday.

How can Atloss stay married to her? I can't fathom any recourse except divorce. 

I do realize he may stay just because of the baby and I will admit that is a valid reason. Not one I'd take or recommend but oh well. (not that it sounds like she wants him around at this point in time)

If she was living with her parents he could still visit if so inclined. As to a possible abortion and a possible reconciliation with the OM - she could just as easily hook up with a new OM today. 

Atloss shouldn't tie himself into knots worrying about "what -ifs"


----------



## Maricha75

lenzi said:


> I believe the Op had suggested he was leaning in the direction of terminating the pregnancy if he had any say in the matter.


Really? Where? I see indecision the whole time, but with the same general theme: if she chooses not to abort, he will love the child. He said he didn't think he would STOP her, because of where he is in the whole situation. Never said he wanted her to abort.



atloss said:


> She's only 8 weeks pregnant now getting into ninth. I tend to agree with Lenzi, the baby is not formed yet. Whatever decision has to be made, should be made now.
> I told her I want to do the DNA now. At first she said no, but then asked me if this child is mine, will I accept it despite the terms we are on? *I told her if it is mine will be loved the same as the first one.* If not, we're divorcing anyway, so it's the other guy's problem. She finally relented and accepted to go for a test. Her ob can see us tomorrow, and will take about 48 hours for the results.
> 
> *We did not tell our son about the potential baby brother or sister. And we won't unless she keeps it.*
> My in laws told her that will accept the child regardless who the father is, but if it is other man's, not to come with him to their house, or ever expect them to accept him as her new husband. That felt good to know.





atloss said:


> No, I was going to serve her at the beginning of this week, but wanted to wait for the DNA results. And now I don't know what to do. *There is a new life to consider as well*. My brain feels stuck.
> 
> She didn't say much. She used to love babies and wanted to keep all God sends us. Now I don't know what's going on in her crazed head.





atloss said:


> Nope, the pregnancy is not the culprit. She has been sleeping with him for the last 5 months ( that I know of, at least).
> 
> I don't feel at all that the choice is mine not hers. She could lie to me and go abort. I don't even know if I want this baby, as horrible as it sounds. *I would not ask her to abort and will love it when born, but I'm not sure if I would do anything to stop her.
> I'm too messed up right now*, and my mind is foggy.


Doesn't sound at all that he is leaning toward abortion, just that he's messed up right now and unsure if he would even stop her. Most definitely NOT the same as leaning toward aborting.


----------



## thatbpguy

I apologize in advance for this, but I just don’t see the problems. All this drama unnecessarily. 

If the tenant would have been kicked out FORCEFULLY on dday and the wife dealt with (by either she or the poster leaving), end of story and all this garbage afterwards doesn’t happen. It’s gone. Poof.

But by being more concerned with how this may look or idiotic legalities now all this. 

It almost reads like it is scripted. 

Let this serve as a lesson to all of us. Show some guts on dday (and believe me, I realize that is easier said than done) and a lot of potential drama leaves. At least, initially.


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## bfree

*Re: Re: The other man is our tenant, need legal advise*



Machiavelli said:


> I'm referring to the age of maximum female libido, rather than the age of maximum attraction, which you're correct about (men peak at 35-38, usually). See that pink and blue graph I posted. I recommend the blog post it came from, as well.


Ah ok.


----------



## bfree

*Re: Re: The other man is our tenant, need legal advise*



Iver said:


> I realize the incoming baby makes this an unholy mess.
> 
> Just the whole scene is so tawdry. Banging the roommate for months. (do we really know what the deal is here? How long have they actually known each other?) Having unprotected sex with two men where she wasn't sure who the father is. Her behavior since Dday.
> 
> How can Atloss stay married to her? I can't fathom any recourse except divorce.
> 
> I do realize he may stay just because of the baby and I will admit that is a valid reason. Not one I'd take or recommend but oh well. (not that it sounds like she wants him around at this point in time)
> 
> If she was living with her parents he could still visit if so inclined. As to a possible abortion and a possible reconciliation with the OM - she could just as easily hook up with a new OM today.
> 
> Atloss shouldn't tie himself into knots worrying about "what -ifs"


I'm just saying the baby complicates things and I can see where it would give him pause to delay filing right now until he's sure of what he wants. If it was the OM's baby it's a no brainer. If he was definitely not interested in another child to take care of again no brainer. But he is understandably conflicted and probably doesn't want to make any decisions or take any actions until he's sure of his feelings. I agree that right now she is not long term wife material but he has more to consider than just him and her.


----------



## ThePheonix

EleGirl said:


> OM will most likely run for the hills now.





thatbpguy said:


> It almost reads like it is scripted.





To reiterate:



ThePheonix said:


> Most likely the story will end with her staying with Atloss, him working his azz off supporting her and the two kids, while she continues to bang the neighbor.


The loving tenant, now the loving neighbor, had no problem banging her with one kid. He ain't likely to stop, and she ain't likely to stop him, when there are two kids. (at least that's way I think it will be written.)


----------



## Plan 9 from OS

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> Crazy stuff.
> 
> The power of those wacky chemicals in the melon are incomprehensable huh?.
> 
> Along that line... _It's important to remind yourself that your suffering from some chemical 'delusions' _of your own right now.
> 
> Have no doubt, this isn't a novel, a movie, or the daydreams we've all had as BS' sometimes... *There isn't a scenario where this ends well.
> 
> *Forcefeed yourself reality no matter how bad it tastes. Your marriage is over. Don't let it drag out. Try to focus on damage control for the kid(s).
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> ps. I noticed you mentioned her parents are really great people, and I agree it sounds like her dad in partculiar is a stand up guy... Don't be lulled, and don't say to much. *They will turn on you in a blink of an eye.* Cliche's become cliche's for a reason and "blood is thicker water".


IMHO, this is only true to a certain extent. Sure there are chemicals that make us feel certain urges, and if the OP was allowing himself to be diminished in his wife's eyes, then those chemicals may be firing in hyperdrive at the site of a younger, stronger and more handsome male that is showing her attention. But I want to point out that there is a critical component that I think tends to get overlooked when we go down the trail of the brain chemicals. A woman will start to feel this - and more importantly act upon urges - if given a reason to do this (not, I didn't say justification to do this). The higher brain rules our more base instincts and urges. I may see a very attractive woman standing in a store that I'm shopping at. I may be really turned on by her body, but there is no way that my brain chemicals will make me run over to her and start dry humping her in public. Ridiculous example? Absolutely, but the point is that the brain chemicals develop those raw urges and desires. Our higher functioning brains help interpret these and will only allow us to indulge these raw feelings if we WANT to. 

A conscious decision to cheat is always made first before the brain chemicals can take over. The only way chemicals can "force" you to cheat would be external ones (drugs and/or alcohol). And even at that, I think it's rare that the drugs and/or alcohol would be the actual culprit in the first place.


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

Plan 9 from OS said:


> IMHO, this is only true to a certain extent. Sure there are chemicals that make us feel certain urges, and if the OP was allowing himself to be diminished in his wife's eyes, then those chemicals may be firing in hyperdrive at the site of a younger, stronger and more handsome male that is showing her attention. But I want to point out that there is a critical component that I think tends to get overlooked when we go down the trail of the brain chemicals. A woman will start to feel this - and more importantly act upon urges - if given a reason to do this (not, I didn't say justification to do this). The higher brain rules our more base instincts and urges. I may see a very attractive woman standing in a store that I'm shopping at. I may be really turned on by her body, but there is no way that my brain chemicals will make me run over to her and start dry humping her in public. Ridiculous example? Absolutely, but the point is that the brain chemicals develop those raw urges and desires. Our higher functioning brains help interpret these and will only allow us to indulge these raw feelings if we WANT to.
> 
> A conscious decision to cheat is always made first before the brain chemicals can take over. The only way chemicals can "force" you to cheat would be external ones (drugs and/or alcohol). And even at that, I think it's rare that the drugs and/or alcohol would be the actual culprit in the first place.


*Don't misunderstand... *The chemicals that I alluded to didn't force anything, nor are they an explanation for anything beyond the completely irrational behaviors the wife (and most DS's in throws of a 'love affair') display. 

When, how and to what degree these extremely powerful nuerochemicals began to effect her judgments and behaviors doesn't really matter. They do effect them, dramatically. The same way that _his behaviors _are being governed by his own nuerochemical imbalances. 

The subject was an effort to remind him, she isn't the only one 'thinking crazy'. While I'm not a future teller, I can guarantee that at some point in the not so distant future this person like almost every other recently betrayed spouse will be asking himself _"What the F*CK was I thinking?"_

In this scenario, how and why is irrelevant. Did and does are the only things that matter. Thinking about how she got to the point she decided to cheat, and why she made the decisions she's made and continues to make is mental masturbation. She did. It's done, what he does from here is all that matters. 

*Random thoughts beyond that....*

This damage is catastrophic. Now or later it will prove terminal.

When her fog (soon) clears she will hate herself for doing this to her family, likely alleviating her guilt by placing some of the responsibility for her decision on him. She will begin to resent him for "making her" do this. When his smog clears (eventually) he will hate her for doing this and begin to resent her. All this damage will fester. This doesn't even begin to address the 'trust' issue he will have to overcome. 

Good chance... Like most spurned cheaters, her fog could suddenly clear when she realizes she's about to be divorced cheating wife and single mother. All of a sudden she will come back with alligator tears begging for another chance.... 

They can do the R dance sure, till one or both of them 'tap out' or she cheats again. In the meantime, the primary recipients of the toxic fallout will be the babies... the sponges that get to endure the process of deterioration and the decay of a false reconciliation.

Sorry if I was longwinded. lol.


----------



## lenzi

Maricha75 said:


> Really? Where? I see indecision the whole time, but with the same general theme: if she chooses not to abort, he will love the child. He said he didn't think he would STOP her, because of where he is in the whole situation. Never said he wanted her to abort.





atloss said:


> She's only 8 weeks pregnant now getting into ninth. I tend to agree with Lenzi, the baby is not formed yet.


I hate being right all the time.


----------



## Maricha75

lenzi said:


> I hate being right all the time.


Would help if you actually WERE right. You and I both know that little snippet was regarding abortion in general, NOT this baby specifically. Nice try, though.


----------



## Chaparral

Having been here for a while, I want to point out that there have been many couples that have reconciled that have much worse stories than this one. For example, five year affairs, aps in the twenties, best friends etc. 

Abortion is anathema to most people now. More than a majority.

What about the chemical/hormonal changes a pregnant woman goes through.

Doesn't a pregnant woman's biology switch to looking for a provider/ father rather than the alpha/bad boy figure?

If it were me, I would come across as the strong, indifferent, caring father type, kisa, and reconcile in order to save MY baby and deal with her cheating ass after the baby was born. Unless of course we had resolved our issues.

You also have to admit that it was foolish to put his family into this situation, bringing a hot male, into their home in the first place. 

(I would also kick his ass into next week , but hey, that's just me).


----------



## Acabado

Chaparral said:


> What about the chemical/hormonal changes a pregnant woman goes through.
> 
> Doesn't a pregnant woman's biology switch to looking for a provider/ father rather than the alpha/bad boy figure?


Neureochemical battle. If she aborts it will become a complete war (mental breakdown).


----------



## aug

I have a suggestion. 

Depending on a recheck of the new baby' paternity (do the test after baby is born), offer your wife this:
- you, with your inlaws and your parents' help, will take full custody of your newborn
- your wife can continue to see/live her lover
- your wife can have liberal visitation with her kids

Get this agreement with her in writing via 2 lawyers, yours and hers.

After the agreement is signed, divorce her. She is then free to do whatever she wants with her lover.


----------



## golfergirl

Where is the young child in all of this? Are they in their room with psycho mommy with her crying fits still? If she is that out of it - keep her away from your child. Is she in her own room? That futon can be moved to spare room. I'm worried about the child in the house with ataloss locked in his pain and the nut job of a mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Hortensia

To me too it sounds like the OP doesn't REALLY want this baby. Qould accept it and reach to love it, as he says, but I get the vibe he secretly wished for her to terminate, from the line " I'm not sure I would do anything to stop her". 
Well who can blame him. He needs another child with this ....refrain from calling a name...like a pain in the neck.
I wouldn't worry about the OM still wanting her, pregnant as such. Therefore her sobbing. She's close to realizing- most likely too late- how she screwed up her life as everything is crumbling around her.
Hell, it would suck to be her right now.


----------



## atloss

Good morning all. Wanted to say that I do not wish for my wife to terminate the pregnancy; there is an innocent child waiting to be born, even if right now only spiritually; urging her to abort, especially since I know it is mine, would be a great sin; I however don't think a baby should be born in such horrible circumstances. The few friends who know what happened and my parents and my in laws agree with me. 
But, happen what happens..

My wife seems to shows signs of wanting to be civil with me; she tries to start conversation, but I withdraw; I don't see what I can talk to her about, as long as she calls the other guy every hour; I guess from the nervousness she walks around with the phone that he is trying to end it; guess a pregnant woman is not as attractive to him as a cheating wife sneaking at night. 

In response to some that replied, I haven't exposed him. I know where he works but I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of a group of strangers; his parents don't currently live in the USA.

I spoke to him when he called just to clarify the paternity situation. It sounded to me that he didnt believe my wife. The guy doesn't want something serious, just enjoys fooling around, it's her who lost her head and chases him.

Right now I want to wait a little to see what shes up to. Another poster said that if I proceed with the divorce papers now she might be inclined to abort the baby. I agree. And as long as I'm not sure how I feel about this child, maybe I should wait until my feelings are clear. 

The real estate possibly found us a buyer for the house. The guy seemed interested, and has a lot of money. My wife, whose idea was to put the house on sale, cried when she learnt of this. 
She cries a lot lately. Not more than I cry inside, though.

Our son is fine. I cannot prevent her from sleeping near him or anything. But he spends a lot of time at the grandpas anyway. My wife barely visits her parents now, because she doesn't like what she hears from them. She hoped they would condone her affair and "understand" her. They're horrified. Our friends do talk to her, but are avoiding too much conversation. They know, and she knows they know, and they know that she knows that they know. It's awkward. If I do reconcile with her, God knows how ! , i'm in for a terrible embarrassment, now that people heard of what she's done...

Thank you folks, you give me powerful advice, I would have acted more poorly if it wasn't for your insight. Feel a little, just a little better.


----------



## Carlchurchill

You can't reconcile, at the very least you get divorced (because she killed your marriage and your vows) and start again as a couple...you can always remarry her in years to come if she proves her worth!!!!


----------



## BashfulB

You need to get over the embarrassment. If people ask what happened either tell them to mind their own fvcking business or tell them the unfettered truth. It's no longer your job to run interference for her. Get that house sold and take care of you and your son. That whack job is going to do whatever she wants and you cannot stop her. Lean on people who support you and winnow out the people who are not friends of the marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Pit-of-my-stomach

Chaparral said:


> I want to point out that there have been many couples that have reconciled that have much worse stories than this one. For example, five year affairs, aps in the twenties, best friends etc.


*Random thoughts....*

I would like to point out someone wins the lottery and people get struck by lightning too. I'd speculate that the percentages of those things are higher than the chances of a recovering a healthy, fulfilling marriage after this degree of betrayal. Not one that stands the test of a lifetime. 

*I'm not here to piss in anyone's cornflakes*, I do believe in reconciliation and fighting for your family. That being said, I advocate reality above all things. The reality is that even with two committed people willing to sacrifice everything to recover their marriage; the odds are stacked overwhelmingly against you. The residual damage this kind of betrayal causes to your ability to trust, and fighting the natural resentment which grows subconsciously (in order to protect your psyche from future damage at the hands of this person) is a monumental fight that spans years and years and years. 

_I don't buy this,_ but some psychologists like to say "infidelity is a symptom"... Now factor in healing not only the souls that have been shattered by the infidelity, but also the 'sicknesses' in the relationship that caused the event to happen in the first place... Taking out the obvious possibility the cheater is just 'broken' and would have done it regardless of the health of the marriage, it leaves you with the reality that this 'sickness' in the relationship grew over time, it is in the very fabric of not only the relationship but the people in it. 

I would also like to mention that NO there have NOT been many couples who's disloyal spouse went this far into the dopamine rabbit hole, then this far off the psycho cliff where the marriage was successfully reconciled. I would say that across the type of timeline we are shooting for the number will dwindle to zero or very close. Yes, a very small percentage may have appeared to be reconciling after a similar situation. But, reconciliation is a process that extends indefinitely. 

Will those stories you refer to check in again in a couple years and provide an honest update? How about in 10 years? or would it be more likely they want to forget the lessons learned over that span? maybe embarrassed or regretful? or perhaps they become sage, knowing that like this poster and every other poster who comes here... that they must live there own lives and learn their own lessons.. while they listen, they will walk their own paths. That's how it works for all of us and as much as we all rail to be heard and hope to reach people, they must walk the path. We all learn by the fire. 

I'm really not trying to put a sledgehammer through anyone's already broken heart. I'm just saying that what has been seen and what has been done can never be unseen or undone and the aftershocks of this type of emotional damage resonates across a lifetime. Try all you like, walk your path but try to have the courage to be honest with yourself along the way. 



Chaparral said:


> You also have to admit that it was foolish to put his family into this situation, bringing a hot male, into their home in the first place.
> (I would also kick his ass into next week , but hey, that's just me).


He has no responsibility for her choice to betray him. He trusted his wife. I wouldn't call someone foolish for that. Perhaps naïve, but not foolish. 

and yeah, being a prideful alpha male I likely would have done something vindictive and stupid like putting my foot up his ass or worse. He handled it much better than I would have, credit to him he didn't put himself in a legal situation or put his custody in peril.

Chaparral, I do respect your opinions, and you as a person. (Like I do most of the good people here.) I hope my comments are not taken as confronational. For the record, I'd like to be wrong about everything I said. I wish things could work out for everyone.

Sorry if I rambled a bit.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

atloss said:


> as long as she calls the other guy every hour;
> 
> Right now I want to wait a little to see what shes up to. Another poster said that if I proceed with the divorce papers now she might be inclined to abort the baby. I agree. And as long as I'm not sure how I feel about this child, maybe I should wait until my feelings are clear.


She calls the man. You wait.
She is upset about carrying your child. You wait.
She isn't sure about her loyalty. You wait.
She moves him CLOSE TO YOUR FAMILY. You wait.
She had, possibly still having, an affair. You wait.
She shares intimacy with him. You wait.

She knows you better than you know yourself. If you keep finding reasons to backslide, she'll have you and the guy down the street. Her deciding to have an abortion has nothing to do with her affair, divorce or your decision to reconcile. You tell her EXACTLY what you want to do with the child and then the decision is all on her. 

Let's play the what if game.

The divorce could push her to get an abortion.
Her wanting the other man could push her to get an abortion.
Knowing you want the child could push her to have an abortion.
Knowing you are withdrawing could push her to an abortion.
Knowing the other man doesn't want kids could push her to an abortion.

You need to make your decisions based on YOU not on "what if this happens." If you want to reconcile do it, but this wait and see WHAT SHE does is a bad decision IMO. If you need time to think do it for YOU. I am saying this because your tone has switched from what you want to "I want to see what she does."


----------



## Decorum

Atloss,

Men seem to often feel embarrassed about a cheating wife because it will appear to others that she chose another man sexually over them, and therefore they must be inferior.

It is a male dominance thing, and it comes from deep within the animal brain.

But you are more than an animal. I just spoke with a man at work whose wife is doing something similar, I explained that this tells me more about her then about him.

Failure to expose him (om) is failure to blow up the affair, what kind of man can see another man bed his wife and let him get away with it?

No indeed, you must overcome that feeling to make the right choices to protect your family.

To repeat, a man must protect his family and he must overcome any fears that prevent him from doing so!

There is cause for embarrassment on your part, not in her actions, but in your unwillingness to overcome your fear of what other people might think in order to protect your family.

But it is nice of you not to expose him!

I wish you well!

Take care!


----------



## bryanp

I will say it again

PLEASE GET ANOTHER PATERNITY TEST DONE!

You have no idea how many times labs make mistakes. If some doctor told you he thought you have cancer wouldn't you go for a second opinion?


----------



## LoveAtDaisys

I've been following this entire thread since it started. This BREAKS MY HEART.

Atloss, I agree with your logic that your wife, in her current state, could harm your unborn child. And I completely understand your hesitancy in letting her do that. And (arm-chair psychologist here) I wonder if maybe your hesitancy to follow through with the D is because you know if she did abort "because of you" you'd be done with her for good, and you love her and don't want that.

BUT, and I think it's important you word it this way, there's nothing wrong with you saying that this marriage is dead and filing for D with the understanding that, should she make amends, you're open to courting/dating again. Like others have said, D is not set in stone until 6 months after filing, you can cancel it at any time.

Please consider giving that approach a try. And I hope that this alternate-reality soap opera ends for you soon.


----------



## Squeakr

bryanp said:


> I will say it again
> 
> PLEASE GET ANOTHER PATERNITY TEST DONE!
> 
> You have no idea how many times labs make mistakes. If some doctor told you he thought you have cancer wouldn't you go for a second opinion?


:iagree: But I would say wait until the child is born. If you are undecided about the child and wanting it, and she aborts, then problem is solved. If you want the child and she doesn't abort, wait until the child is born. The only time that I would recommend a second test at this stage is if you think she is going to abort and you'd like to have this child, then to gain paternity rights you may have to force this test (except you have one positive so that should be enough).

If you were told you had cancer, but knew the test to discover put your life at risk of being ended to administer the test, which way would you lean???


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

atloss said:


> Good morning all. Wanted to say that I do not wish for my wife to terminate the pregnancy; there is an innocent child waiting to be born, even if right now only spiritually; urging her to abort, especially since I know it is mine, would be a great sin; I however don't think a baby should be born in such horrible circumstances. The few friends who know what happened and my parents and my in laws agree with me.
> But, happen what happens..
> 
> My wife seems to shows signs of wanting to be civil with me; she tries to start conversation, but I withdraw; I don't see what I can talk to her about, as long as she calls the other guy every hour; I guess from the nervousness she walks around with the phone that he is trying to end it; guess a pregnant woman is not as attractive to him as a cheating wife sneaking at night.
> 
> In response to some that replied, I haven't exposed him. I know where he works but I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of a group of strangers; his parents don't currently live in the USA.
> 
> I spoke to him when he called just to clarify the paternity situation. It sounded to me that he didnt believe my wife. The guy doesn't want something serious, just enjoys fooling around, it's her who lost her head and chases him.
> 
> Right now I want to wait a little to see what shes up to. Another poster said that if I proceed with the divorce papers now she might be inclined to abort the baby. I agree. And as long as I'm not sure how I feel about this child, maybe I should wait until my feelings are clear.
> 
> The real estate possibly found us a buyer for the house. The guy seemed interested, and has a lot of money. My wife, whose idea was to put the house on sale, cried when she learnt of this.
> *She cries a lot lately.* Not more than I cry inside, though.
> 
> Our son is fine. I cannot prevent her from sleeping near him or anything. But he spends a lot of time at the grandpas anyway. My wife barely visits her parents now, because she doesn't like what she hears from them. She hoped they would condone her affair and "understand" her. They're horrified. Our friends do talk to her, but are avoiding too much conversation. They know, and she knows they know, and they know that she knows that they know. It's awkward. If I do reconcile with her, God knows how ! , i'm in for a terrible embarrassment, now that people heard of what she's done...
> 
> Thank you folks, you give me powerful advice, I would have acted more poorly if it wasn't for your insight. Feel a little, just a little better.


I hope that you realize that little, or none, of her crying is because of what she has and continues to do to you. It's her and her 20 year old OM that she's shedding these tears for right now...


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I hope that you realize that little, or none, of her crying is because of what she has and continues to do to you. It's her and her 20 year old OM that she's shedding these tears for right now...


She's basically shown this with all of her current actions.


----------



## Iver

BashfulBull said:


> You need to get over the embarrassment. If people ask what happened either tell them to mind their own fvcking business or tell them the unfettered truth. It's no longer your job to run interference for her. Get that house sold and take care of you and your son. That whack job is going to do whatever she wants and you cannot stop her. Lean on people who support you and winnow out the people who are not friends of the marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No one worth knowing will look down on you for your wife's behavior. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

I believe all adults have, at some point in their lives, had to deal with the awful actions of others. The only reaction you will get from decent people will be sympathy.

And if someone reacts badly - well take it as a sign that this is a person you don't need in your life.

Take care of yourself. Let her deal with the mess she made. 

(I still think she's acting like a borderline whack job but better men than I say she's just being a woman...)


----------



## happyman64

atloss said:


> Nope, the pregnancy is not the culprit. She has been sleeping with him for the last 5 months ( that I know of, at least).
> 
> I don't feel at all that the choice is mine not hers. She could lie to me and go abort. I don't even know if I want this baby, as horrible as it sounds. I would not ask her to abort and will love it when born, but I'm not sure if I would do anything to stop her.
> I'm too messed up right now, and my mind is foggy.


The choice is yours regarding your marriage.

Be patient , you'll see.

And the stress you are under is incredible so take care of yourself. Eat, sleep and exercise.

Go see a Dr if you need help sleeping.


----------



## EleGirl

Decorum said:


> Atloss,
> 
> Men seem to often feel embarrassed about a cheating wife because it will appear to others that she chose another man sexually over them, and therefore they must be inferior.
> 
> It is a male dominance thing, and it comes from deep within the animal brain.
> 
> But you are more than an animal. I just spoke with a man at work whose wife is doing something similar, I explained that this tells me more about her then about him.
> 
> Failure to expose him (om) is failure to blow up the affair, what kind of man can see another man bed his wife and let him get away with it?
> 
> No indeed, you must overcome that feeling to make the right choices to protect your family.
> 
> To repeat, a man must protect his family and he must overcome any fears that prevent him from doing so!
> 
> There is cause for embarrassment on your part, not in her actions, but in your unwillingness to overcome your fear of what other people might think in order to protect your family.
> 
> But it is nice of you not to expose him!
> 
> I wish you well!
> 
> Take care!


I'm not sure there is anyone to expose the OM to. The place where he works is not going to care, most likely. 

IF atloss knows how to contact his parents, that might work. 
But who else is there? There is no OMW.


----------



## camillaj

atloss said:


> Good morning all. Wanted to say that I do not wish for my wife to terminate the pregnancy; there is an innocent child waiting to be born, even if right now only spiritually; urging her to abort, especially since I know it is mine, would be a great sin; I however don't think a baby should be born in such horrible circumstances. The few friends who know what happened and my parents and my in laws agree with me.
> But, happen what happens..
> 
> My wife seems to shows signs of wanting to be civil with me; she tries to start conversation, but I withdraw; I don't see what I can talk to her about, as long as she calls the other guy every hour; I guess from the nervousness she walks around with the phone that he is trying to end it; guess a pregnant woman is not as attractive to him as a cheating wife sneaking at night.
> 
> In response to some that replied, I haven't exposed him. I know where he works but I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of a group of strangers; his parents don't currently live in the USA.
> 
> I spoke to him when he called just to clarify the paternity situation. It sounded to me that he didnt believe my wife. The guy doesn't want something serious, just enjoys fooling around, it's her who lost her head and chases him.
> 
> Right now I want to wait a little to see what shes up to. Another poster said that if I proceed with the divorce papers now she might be inclined to abort the baby. I agree. And as long as I'm not sure how I feel about this child, maybe I should wait until my feelings are clear.
> 
> The real estate possibly found us a buyer for the house. The guy seemed interested, and has a lot of money. My wife, whose idea was to put the house on sale, cried when she learnt of this.
> She cries a lot lately. Not more than I cry inside, though.
> 
> Our son is fine. I cannot prevent her from sleeping near him or anything. But he spends a lot of time at the grandpas anyway. My wife barely visits her parents now, because she doesn't like what she hears from them. She hoped they would condone her affair and "understand" her. They're horrified. Our friends do talk to her, but are avoiding too much conversation. They know, and she knows they know, and they know that she knows that they know. It's awkward. If I do reconcile with her, God knows how ! , i'm in for a terrible embarrassment, now that people heard of what she's done...
> 
> Thank you folks, you give me powerful advice, I would have acted more poorly if it wasn't for your insight. Feel a little, just a little better.


She might not be able to abort even if she wanted depending where you live. More than 50 abortion providers across the country have been closed since the Republican anti-choice laws push started in 2010.


----------



## Chaparral

Pit-of-my-stomach said:


> *Random thoughts....*
> 
> I would like to point out someone wins the lottery and people get struck by lightning too. I'd speculate that the percentages of those things are higher than the chances of a recovering a healthy, fulfilling marriage after this degree of betrayal. Not one that stands the test of a lifetime.
> 
> *I'm not here to piss in anyone's cornflakes*, I do believe in reconciliation and fighting for your family. That being said, I advocate reality above all things. The reality is that even with two committed people willing to sacrifice everything to recover their marriage; the odds are stacked overwhelmingly against you. The residual damage this kind of betrayal causes to your ability to trust, and fighting the natural resentment which grows subconsciously (in order to protect your psyche from future damage at the hands of this person) is a monumental fight that spans years and years and years.
> 
> _I don't buy this,_ but some psychologists like to say "infidelity is a symptom"... Now factor in healing not only the souls that have been shattered by the infidelity, but also the 'sicknesses' in the relationship that caused the event to happen in the first place... Taking out the obvious possibility the cheater is just 'broken' and would have done it regardless of the health of the marriage, it leaves you with the reality that this 'sickness' in the relationship grew over time, it is in the very fabric of not only the relationship but the people in it.
> 
> I would also like to mention that NO there have NOT been many couples who's disloyal spouse went this far into the dopamine rabbit hole, then this far off the psycho cliff where the marriage was successfully reconciled. I would say that across the type of timeline we are shooting for the number will dwindle to zero or very close. Yes, a very small percentage may have appeared to be reconciling after a similar situation. But, reconciliation is a process that extends indefinitely.
> 
> Will those stories you refer to check in again in a couple years and provide an honest update? How about in 10 years? or would it be more likely they want to forget the lessons learned over that span? maybe embarrassed or regretful? or perhaps they become sage, knowing that like this poster and every other poster who comes here... that they must live there own lives and learn their own lessons.. while they listen, they will walk their own paths. That's how it works for all of us and as much as we all rail to be heard and hope to reach people, they must walk the path. We all learn by the fire.
> 
> I'm really not trying to put a sledgehammer through anyone's already broken heart. I'm just saying that what has been seen and what has been done can never be unseen or undone and the aftershocks of this type of emotional damage resonates across a lifetime. Try all you like, walk your path but try to have the courage to be honest with yourself along the way.
> 
> 
> 
> He has no responsibility for her choice to betray him. He trusted his wife. I wouldn't call someone foolish for that. Perhaps naïve, but not foolish.
> 
> and yeah, being a prideful alpha male I likely would have done something vindictive and stupid like putting my foot up his ass or worse. He handled it much better than I would have, credit to him he didn't put himself in a legal situation or put his custody in peril.
> 
> Chaparral, I do respect your opinions, and you as a person. (Like I do most of the good people here.) I hope my comments are not taken as confronational. For the record, I'd like to be wrong about everything I said. I wish things could work out for everyone.
> 
> Sorry if I rambled a bit.


This is a difficult situation, and I completely understand your position. I just think that adultery is so bad, where does the matter of degree come in. OP has two babies to think of. His wife is in total denial of the reality of the situation. she is projecting her feelings on the OM. He just thinks she is a bit of useable trash.

At this point the only reason I would consider reconciliation would be to save my unborn child's life. I must not have made that point.


----------



## Chaparral

camillaj said:


> She might not be able to abort even if she wanted depending where you live. More than 50 abortion providers across the country have been closed since the Republican anti-choice laws push started in 2010.


Hallelujah, just speaking as a greatfully unaborted member.


----------



## Chaparral

EleGirl said:


> I'm not sure there is anyone to expose the OM to. The place where he works is not going to care, most likely.
> 
> IF atloss knows how to contact his parents, that might work.
> But who else is there? There is no OMW.


There is cheaterville.com, send him the link and the new google search showing what a search of his name comes up with.


----------



## camillaj

Chaparral said:


> Hallelujah, just speaking as a greatfully unaborted member.


It's her body it should be her choice. Not some imaginery being's from a 2000 year old book.


----------



## alte Dame

The OM is young. cheaterville.com could be very effective at tarring his name for job searches, etc.


----------



## Chaparral

camillaj said:


> It's her body it should be her choice. Not some imaginery being's from a 2000 year old book.


Yes we know its her body. What she has done with it is the whole point here. Unfortunately, she has used her body like she wants to destroy several lives and now contemplates killing her baby.

Killing babies has nothing to do with religion.


----------



## KVR

camillaj said:


> She might not be able to abort even if she wanted depending where you live. More than 50 abortion providers across the country have been closed since the Republican anti-choice laws push started in 2010.


"Anti-choice"? You mean as opposed to "anti-life"?  

I am not a Republican, and not necessarily against abortion. Just found your choice of words interesting, as I usually heard of the terms "pro-life" and "pro-choice".

(Apology for the temporary thread-jacking.)


----------



## camillaj

KVR said:


> "Anti-choice"? You mean as opposed to "anti-life"?
> 
> I am not a Republican, and not necessarily against abortion. Just found your choice of words interesting, as I usually heard of the terms "pro-life" and "pro-choice".
> 
> (Apology for the temporary thread-jacking.)


It's anti-choice if she can't decide what she does with her own body. Not my choice of words by any means. If you read news from all sides you'll realise the phrase is and has been used widely for a long time.


----------



## camillaj

Chaparral said:


> Yes we know its her body. What she has done with it is the whole point here. Unfortunately, she has used her body like she wants to destroy several lives and now contemplates killing her baby.
> 
> Killing babies has nothing to do with religion.


Please don't refer to yourself as "we". It's embarrassing. 

To the topic starter, consider that your wife might not change her position even if she will have your baby. The affair might still continue and then you have another innocent child in the middle of all this.


----------



## Nucking Futs

camillaj said:


> *Please don't refer to yourself as "we". It's embarrassing. *
> 
> To the topic starter, consider that your wife might not change her position even if she will have your baby. The affair might still continue and then you have another innocent child in the middle of all this.


I'm part of that we.


----------



## bfree

camillaj said:


> It's her body it should be her choice. Not some imaginery being's from a 2000 year old book.


I am personally against abortion especially when you consider the myriad of ways that both men and women have to prevent unwanted pregnancy. That said in this case specifically this woman is married and its her husband's child as well. Shouldn't he have a say in a child that was conceived within the sanctity of marriage?


----------



## Chaparral

camillaj said:


> Please don't refer to yourself as "we". It's embarrassing.
> 
> To the topic starter, consider that your wife might not change her position even if she will have your baby. The affair might still continue and then you have another innocent child in the middle of all this.


Evidently, I am not making myself clear, I would consider reconciling if she were to save the baby. After my baby was born getting rid of a cheating wife would definitely be an option but who knows how things could change?


----------



## bfree

Chaparral said:


> Evidently, I am not making myself clear, I would consider reconciling if she were to save the baby. After my baby was born getting rid of a cheating wife would definitely be an option but who knows how things could change?


No, you were very clear.


----------



## Maricha75

Nucking Futs said:


> I'm part of that we.


If we're talking about the same "we", then so am I.

BUT, this isn't a pro vs anti abortion thread. So, how about we get off the topic of whether it is right or wrong to abort, and focus on THE ORIGINAL POSTER AND HIS SPECIFIC PROBLEM! Seriously, if people want to debate the pros and cons of abortion, open a thread in the debate forum.


----------



## bfree

Maricha75 said:


> If we're talking about the same "we", then so am I.
> 
> BUT, this isn't a pro vs anti abortion thread. So, how about we get off the topic of whether it is right or wrong to abort, and focus on THE ORIGINAL POSTER AND HIS SPECIFIC PROBLEM! Seriously, if people want to debate the pros and cons of abortion, open a thread in the debate forum.


Absolutely. And if anyone does start that thread let me know!


----------



## 3putt

bfree said:


> Absolutely. And if anyone does start that thread let me know!


Yeah, me too, so I can stay far, far, far the hell away from it.


----------



## the guy

Good call bro.

theres a unborn child at stake here and I regress play it cool until the kid is born.

Besides the POSOm is history you know it your wife knows it and "we" know it!

I still believe you can figutr out a way to put the pressure on the affair by going after the OM side of things....even if putting him on cheaterville.com.

Again the point here is to continue to make the affair as inconvienent and unconfortable as possible.

As you can see what you have done so far has worked (especially getting her pregnent LOL). 

If she does come around and this sh!t works out for you guys the embarresment will lay with your wife not with you.


----------



## the guy

As far as exposure...remember you aren't telling the OM's work that your old lady is screwing around, but you are asking for support for your marriage and your family.

You should find everyone you can find that knows the OM, and ask for their *support* for your family and marriage.

The OM is infecting a family and asking for help from the OM side of things is just that ...anyone and everyone can offer their input in saving the family unit. 

I mean you aren't going up to comeplete strangers and telling them that the OM is banging your wife, you asking them for their support for your family and if they know the OM they can join in by informing their coworker, friend, brother or son that what he is doing is wrong and breaking up a family.


Again continue to make this affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable to continue.

You are so close in getting the OM completely out of the picture!


After that then you can focus on what you want to do with your old lady.

I'm thinking she will be a hell of alot easier to work with once the OM is completely gone.


----------



## ThePheonix

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> I hope that you realize that little, or none, of her crying is because of what she has and continues to do to you. It's her and her 20 year old OM that she's shedding these tears for right now...


I don't think Atloss sees it that way. I believe he wants us to feel that in his heart, he thinks she is grieving over the demise of the marriage; like a person cries over a house they are leaving because they transferred to a job 1000 miles away.


----------



## ThePheonix

camillaj said:


> To the topic starter, consider that your wife might not change her position even if she will have your baby. The affair might still continue and then you have another innocent child in the middle of all this.


I think a lot of us know the OM in this story will be able to re-kindle the "romance" with this girl anytime he wants. Like a moth to light, a "ditched" person often time gravitates to the one who ditched them. Its the old "ex-sweetheart syndrome"; an ego thing.


----------



## ThePheonix

bfree said:


> Shouldn't he have a say in a child that *was conceived within the sanctity of marriage*?


I think in this case it was more a roll of the dice.


----------



## bfree

ThePheonix said:


> I think in this case it was more a roll of the dice.


Yeah, and its crap(s) any way it falls.


----------



## Decorum

EleGirl said:


> I'm not sure there is anyone to expose the OM to. The place where he works is not going to care, most likely.
> 
> IF atloss knows how to contact his parents, that might work.
> But who else is there? There is no OMW.


EleGirl,

That's is a good point, 

I was responding to this,



atloss said:


> In response to some that replied, I haven't exposed him. I know where he works but I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of a group of strangers; his parents don't currently live in the USA.


Because I saw it as more latent passivity, but I did not consider the whole circumstance. Cheatervill is a good option, personally I would be chomping at the bit to burn this guy any way I could, but that's just me.

I probably should have resisted the urge to post on this thread, ha ha I'm just not in sync with the whole situation.

But as always EleGirl I appreciate your viewpoints.

Take Care!


----------



## EleGirl

Decorum said:


> EleGirl,
> 
> That's is a good point,
> 
> I was responding to this,
> 
> 
> 
> Because I saw it as more latent passivity, but I did not consider the whole circumstance. Cheatervill is a good option, personally I would be chomping at the bit to burn this guy any way I could, but that's just me.
> 
> I probably should have resisted the urge to post on this thread, ha ha I'm just not in sync with the whole situation.
> 
> But as always EleGirl I appreciate your viewpoints.
> 
> Take Care!


I appreciate your viewpoints as well. Always enjoy reading your posts.

I also think that you have been a very valuable poster on this thread... so don't second guess your contribution.


----------



## camillaj

Nucking Futs said:


> I'm part of that we.


Hallelujah?


----------



## whowouldhavethought

Don't send the OM to Cheaterville. He is not the typical POS. He did not go after her, she went after him. We expect him to know better but he is only 20. In my eyes he is basically a man child who still has a lot of growing up to do.

WWHT


----------



## diwali123

camillaj said:


> It's anti-choice if she can't decide what she does with her own body. Not my choice of words by any means. If you read news from all sides you'll realise the phrase is and has been used widely for a long time.


There was a sign on a church that said to thank your mom that she didn't abort you. Honestly I think if my mom had been in a bad situation (not like this one, she did it to herself) where she was poor and in an abusive relationship or something I would have wanted her to abort. I don't think my existence is worth putting someone I love through hell.


----------



## theroad

camillaj said:


> She might not be able to abort even if she wanted depending where you live. More than 50 abortion providers across the country have been closed since the Republican anti-choice laws push started in 2010.


It is not abortion providers but professional hit men taking out lives. One at a time.


----------



## Will_Kane

whowouldhavethought said:


> Don't send the OM to Cheaterville. He is not the typical POS. He did not go after her, she went after him. We expect him to know better but *he is only 20.* In my eyes he is basically a man child who still has a lot of growing up to do.
> 
> WWHT


First post says he is late 20s. Did the original poster change that in a later post?

Also, first post describes the guy as having steady employment and good credit. Then that he signed a one-year lease on a room in someone else's house. This strikes me as being very unusual. When renting individual rooms in a house, I think it is unusual to sign a year-long lease. I think it is unusual to offer someone a one-year lease for a single room in a house, and I think it is unusual for a renter to want to lock in for one year. 

Also unusual is that a young single guy with a steady job and good credit would want to live in a room in a house with a man, his wife, and a small child. Wouldn't a single guy like this want his own apartment, even if it was a studio? Or to share an apartment with another young single guy?

The more I think about this situation, the more it seems that something was not right with this situation. Either this was pre-planned by loverboy and cheating wife or something is being left out of this story.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER

Will_Kane said:


> First post says he is late 20s. Did the original poster change that in a later post?
> 
> Also, first post describes the guy as having steady employment and good credit. Then that he signed a one-year lease on a room in someone else's house. This strikes me as being very unusual. When renting individual rooms in a house, I think it is unusual to sign a year-long lease. I think it is unusual to offer someone a one-year lease for a single room in a house, and I think it is unusual for a renter to want to lock in for one year.
> 
> Also unusual is that a young single guy with a steady job and good credit would want to live in a room in a house with a man, his wife, and a small child. Wouldn't a single guy like this want his own apartment, even if it was a studio? Or to share an apartment with another young single guy?
> 
> *The more I think about this situation, the more it seems that something was not right with this situation. Either this was pre-planned by loverboy and cheating wife or something is being left out of this story.*


We may never know, as alas, poor atloss, where has he gone?...

I hope he's ok...


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Will_Kane said:


> First post says he is late 20s. Did the original poster change that in a later post?
> 
> Also, first post describes the guy as having steady employment and good credit. Then that he signed a one-year lease on a room in someone else's house. This strikes me as being very unusual. When renting individual rooms in a house, I think it is unusual to sign a year-long lease. I think it is unusual to offer someone a one-year lease for a single room in a house, and I think it is unusual for a renter to want to lock in for one year.
> 
> Also unusual is that a young single guy with a steady job and good credit would want to live in a room in a house with a man, his wife, and a small child. Wouldn't a single guy like this want his own apartment, even if it was a studio? Or to share an apartment with another young single guy?
> 
> The more I think about this situation, the more it seems that something was not right with this situation. Either this was pre-planned by loverboy and cheating wife or something is being left out of this story.


Yes, this does sound odd. When I was first starting out in my professional career after college, I moved to Philadelphia and had to find a place to live quickly. I had no money except what I had received in my first paycheck and no credit ... I was literally just starting out. I couldn't afford the monthly rent on an apartment let alone the deposit.  I scoured places for a room to rent and put down two months on a month-to-month arrangement. That was pretty standard for the places I checked out. Nowhere did I hear of a year-long lease. A few months later, I found somebody through work who would share a lease on an apartment. I got out of my rental room as soon as possible.

I suppose a year-long lease on a room is possible but seems highly improbable. I also can't imagine anybody who had been working for a while in a steady job who also had good credit living in a rented room in somebody's house. That seems like something you would do when you don't have any other options ... last resort.

Giving OP the benefit of the doubt on the veracity of the story, I've wondered throughout this thread if this was a prearranged setup between the wife and this guy.


----------



## Decorum

There was a house next to us, the owner was forced to rent it out.
It was during the Real-estate bubble bust.

A man with a siding business rented it and then rented out the rooms to his workers. They were good neighbors, but someone in the neighborhood must have called enforcement because you cant run a business out of a residence. We only really got to know the business owner well because he was the only one that spoke English.

They had to move, but it makes me think that renting out a room in a house with a longer time frame under these circumstances might be more common, where the group has to cover a lease that a family would normally cover, and in this case there was a mom with a young child living there with the childs father.

The enforcement officer did stopped by our house, (She was a Milena Govich look alike, sometimes life imitates art), we had no problem with them and told her so.

So there may be cultural norms that are common and understood within one culture and missed by others not familiar.


----------



## Will_Kane

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Yes, this does sound odd. When I was first starting out in my professional career after college, I moved to Philadelphia and had to find a place to live quickly. I had no money except what I had received in my first paycheck and no credit ... I was literally just starting out. I couldn't afford the monthly rent on an apartment let alone the deposit.  I scoured places for a room to rent and put down two months on a month-to-month arrangement. That was pretty standard for the places I checked out. Nowhere did I hear of a year-long lease. A few months later, I found somebody through work who would share a lease on an apartment. I got out of my rental room as soon as possible.
> 
> I suppose a year-long lease on a room is possible but seems highly improbable. I also can't imagine anybody who had been working for a while in a steady job who also had good credit living in a rented room in somebody's house. That seems like something you would do when you don't have any other options ... last resort.
> 
> Giving OP the benefit of the doubt on the veracity of the story, I've wondered throughout this thread if this was a prearranged setup between the wife and this guy.


If the guy lived month-to-month for a while, then asked for a year-long lease, I still would think it was unusual, though maybe I could understand it better, but to offer a year-long lease to a guy you never met before seems all the more highly unusual.

Add to this the fact that the original poster had a young child, and was willing to let a stranger live in the house with the young child. Just watching the news every day, seeing all of the stories of coaches, teachers, priests, and people of every profession and station in life involved in all kinds of child-endangering behaviors - let me just say, I know a lot of people with kids who are financially strapped, going through hard times, even having fallen behind on their mortgages and being threatened with foreclosure, and none as far as I know would consider renting out a room in their homes to any stranger, not even one who had a steady job and good credit. How much rent could the guy be paying for a room to make the risk of something going wrong with the kids worth it? Even if I would do it, which I never would, my wife would never stand for such a situation. Yet here apparently both parents agreed.

It's one thing if I live alone or with my 48-year-old brother or even with my 72-year-old mother and we decide to rent a room to a young stranger, and an entirely different thing if I live with my pretty wife and young son and decide to do the same thing.

JustSomeGuyWho, from your memory, when you looked at rooms to rent, were any in single-family homes with a young couple and their young child(ren)?

I'm not saying I don't believe it, but it is highly unusual in my opinion, and it seems like something is missing from the story.

Or maybe I am just outdated and out of touch with today's realities.

ataloss, was this whole thing your idea or your wife's idea?


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

I actually worked with a few people who rented out on a year lease. The bubble caused people to do weird things. It was that or lose their house.


----------



## Hortensia

I had one year lease more than one time, and yes one was just a room. Can't see the problem you have with this. 
The fact that the OM is steadily employed and with good credit doesn't automatically mean he makes a lot of money and can afford to live by himself.
You got to stop questioning everything. No wonder just another OP is gone. I too hope he's ok.


----------



## Mustbecrazy

Stop hijacking the thread.


----------



## Shaggy

How is your wife calling him?

Cancel her cellphone, why are you financing the tools she uses to cheat?

Is OM up on cheaterville.com? If not get him up there.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss

Mustbecrazy said:


> Stop hijacking the thread.


We are talking about the tenant and why he would live in the house as a single guy. That isn't a hijack. That's actually relevant to the topic. You know, what if the wife purposely moved him there under his nose? That's an entirely different set of problems and means she was more insidious than before.


----------



## Will_Kane

Hortensia said:


> You got to stop questioning everything.





Mustbecrazy said:


> Stop hijacking the thread.


Questioning things that don't make sense is how you get to the truth. Especially when dealing with cheaters.

Whether the wife knew this guy before and moved him into the house in order to pursue the affair is pertinent to this thread. It would shed light on the wife's relationship with her affair partner and knowing the truth about this might help in dealing with the situation.


----------



## EleGirl

Shaggy said:


> How is your wife calling him?
> 
> Cancel her cellphone, why are you financing the tools she uses to cheat?
> 
> Is OM up on cheaterville.com? If not get him up there.


His wife works. She can pay for her own cell.


----------



## Decorum

What I was trying to say earlier is that I think we are dealing with the Hispanic community, where it is more common for a single man to rent a room while engaged in employment.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

Decorum said:


> What I was trying to say earlier is that I think we are dealing with the Hispanic community, where it is more common for a single man to rent a room while engaged in employment.


Yes, but probably less likely to have a one-year lease.


----------



## Decorum

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Yes, but probably less likely to have a one-year lease.


At the risk of offending someone (not you JSGW) I am just trying to put this in a cultural context.

Om's parents don't live in the US because he is an immigrant, also this is a heavily Catholic community, the Hispanic community tends to live a more ethno centered lifestyle.

To me this explains some of Atlos attitudes and some of the situations involved.

If having a one year lease is an indication that this was a plot between WW and OM I think that is more than possible.

I don't know if a one year lease is unusual under these circumstances, and I may have taken too much for granted there.

Like I said I am just trying to supply some context.
Context which I would need confirmed by Atloss.

I mean no disrespect to Atloss.

Ha ha I still have this feeling of being oblique to this thread, weird.

But that's my 2 cents or .27 pesos or whatever.


----------



## LonelyinLove

camillaj said:


> She might not be able to abort even if she wanted depending where you live. More than 50 abortion providers across the country have been closed since the Republican anti-choice laws push started in 2010.


Hopefully, a whole lot more will follow...


----------



## LonelyinLove

Cheaterville...never heard of it until I came here. I posted the skank that busted up my daughters marriage, and when I did a google of her name nothing came up. So what good is it, really?

The other thing..Atloss posted the OM's parents live in another country. What are the chances he was scamming the WW for citizenship, etc purposes?


----------



## BlueCalcite

LonelyinLove said:


> Cheaterville...never heard of it until I came here. I posted the skank that busted up my daughters marriage, and when I did a google of her name nothing came up. So what good is it, really?


Did you Google her name immediately after posting her? It takes a while to show up in the search results. When you Google something, it's not literally searching the web NOW, it's giving you the results of what Google cataloged the last time it "indexed" the web. I forget how often Google and other search engines index the web, but she'll eventually show up.


----------



## theroad

Will_Kane said:


> Questioning things that don't make sense is how you get to the truth. Especially when dealing with cheaters.
> 
> Whether the wife knew this guy before and moved him into the house in order to pursue the affair is pertinent to this thread. It would shed light on the wife's relationship with her affair partner and knowing the truth about this might help in dealing with the situation.


A good question. OP how about a good answer?


----------



## Numbersixxx

camillaj said:


> It's her body it should be her choice. Not some imaginery being's from a 2000 year old book.


Her body, her choice. But men pay for it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## camillaj

Numbersixxx said:


> Her body, her choice. But men pay for it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How do they pay for it? Who was it who sprouted the semen?


----------



## the guy

His old lady is screwing around..if any one needs to be aborted it shoud be his cheating wife!


----------



## camillaj

bfree said:


> So since it was his semen does he share in the choice whether to abort or not? If she wants to abort and he says no does that mean she shouldn't be allowed to abort? What if he wants the abortion and she says no? Does he get to force her to have an abortion? So how does this all play out if you had the power to decide?


They should discuss about it like adults but in the end it's her choice. Your semen being inside a woman does not give you any rights on her body.


----------



## Numbersixxx

camillaj said:


> How do they pay for it? Who was it who sprouted the semen?


Child support or paying through state founded abortion via taxes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Numbersixxx

camillaj said:


> They should discuss about it like adults but in the end it's her choice. Your semen being inside a woman does not give you any rights on her body.


It only gives her the right to his money through child support.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

LonelyinLove said:


> Cheaterville...never heard of it until I came here. I posted the skank that busted up my daughters marriage, and when I did a google of her name nothing came up. So what good is it, really?
> 
> The other thing..Atloss posted the OM's parents live in another country. What are the chances he was scamming the WW for citizenship, etc purposes?


How long after you posted her on there did you do the search for her name?


----------



## EleGirl

Numbersixxx said:


> Child support or paying through state founded abortion via taxes.


Women pay taxes that pay for abortions as well.

Most abortions are not funded by tax dollars. Most are paid for my the woman. She works. If she gets an abortion she will most likely pay for it herself.

Generally it's the higher paid spouse who pays child support. IT's not just men who pay it, women do to. It's getting more and more common.


----------



## EleGirl

Numbersixxx said:


> It only gives her the right to his money through child support.


IF she earns more than he, she will be paying him child support.


----------



## camillaj

I was thinking that angle because, there is a chance that she will move in with the other man while pregnant, no? And who pays child support then since it's the OP's child. It's not black and white issue imo.


----------



## EleGirl

camillaj said:


> I was thinking that angle because, there is a chance that she will move in with the other man while pregnant, no? And who pays child support then. It's not black and white issue imo.


The OM is renting a room. I doubt she can move in with him. 

Now they could get an apartment and she pays. But she also has obligations on the home she owns with atloss.

No it's not automatic that her husband will pay her child support. We don't know their incomes, how custody will play out...


----------



## camillaj

EleGirl said:


> The OM is renting a room. I doubt she can move in with him.
> 
> Now they could get an apartment and she pays. But she also has obligations on the home she owns with atloss.
> 
> No it's not automatic that her husband will pay her child support. We don't know their incomes, how custody will play out...


It could play out so that she will get her own apartment, take both children, date the other man and the OP will be the weekend dad while the children call the other man "dad" and the OP pay for support. In short he got screwed if that happened. Maybe it's best for him to consult a lawyer for possible scenarios and how they would play out.


----------



## EleGirl

bfree said:


> But if a child is conceived isn't the dna building blocks part of his body as well? Last time I checked women did not get pregnant through apomixis.
> 
> If she should decide to have the child she has a right to his wallet? And if she should decide to abort the child its just tough luck Charlie? You don't see any inherent problem with that line of thinking?


She is not the one who the child support is for. IT's for the child. Are you suggesting that a man has no obligation to support a child he helped to create?

She gives birth to the child, he goes for 50/50 custody. In most cases there will be little to no child support. If she earns more than he, she just might be paying him child support.

There are somethings, like nature that just are. Her body is needed for the fetus to grow. no one but the woman has the right to decide what happens in and to her body.


----------



## EleGirl

camillaj said:


> It could play out so that she will get her own apartment, take both children, date the other man and the OP will be the weekend dad while the children call the other man "dad" and the OP pay for support. In short he got screwed if that happened. Maybe it's best for him to consult a lawyer for possible scenarios and how they would play out.


Yes this could happen. That's why many of us advised him to get an attorney NOW. He can stop her from taking his son to live full time with the OM.

They have equal legal rights to custody of their son and the child once the child is born. She is has not been the primary care giver.

An attorney can file an emergency custody order saying that the son cannot be removed from the family home (a good reason to not sell the house until all this is settled). The attorney can also ask the court for an order prohibiting the son to be around the OM. But atloss has to act very quickly.


----------



## camillaj

bfree said:


> But if a child is conceived isn't the dna building blocks part of his body as well? Last time I checked women did not get pregnant through apomixis.
> 
> If she should decide to have the child he is forced to accept it? And if she should decide to abort the child its just tough luck Charlie? You don't see any inherent problem with that line of thinking?


It's the woman's body that "manufactures" the baby. You only have rights to him/her after they're outside and you're proven to be the father.

To the second part yes and yes. I said earlier they should discuss it like adults and make a well thought decision. But in case they disagree you can't really think you'd have any legal say in it against the woman.


----------



## camillaj

EleGirl said:


> Yes this could happen. That's why many of us advised him to get an attorney NOW. He can stop her from taking his son to live full time with the OM.
> 
> They have equal legal rights to custody of their son and the child once the child is born. She is has not been the primary care giver.
> 
> An attorney can file an emergency custody order saying that the son cannot be removed from the family home (a good reason to not sell the house until all this is settled). The attorney can also ask the court for an order prohibiting the son to be around the OM. But atloss has to act very quickly.


She would be primary care giver to the new born some time. He can't really breast feed the baby. I don't know how the courts will look these situations where the baby is born into the mother's home and the father is not living there.


----------



## EleGirl

camillaj said:


> She would be primary care giver to the new born some time. He can't really breast feed the baby. I don't know how the courts will look these situations where the baby is born into the mother's home and the father is not living there.


Yes she will most likely be primary care giver of the baby for some time. IF she does not nurse then he could take care of the baby 50%.

His older son he should have no problem getting 50/50 custody from day one.

Even if the baby is born into 'her' home it's his baby. If they are married at the time of birth his paternity is assumed. He can file to have his visiting time with the child from a very early age and to increase it to 50%. It depends on what he's willing to ask for.

She does not own the baby just because she left him.


----------



## EleGirl

bfree said:


> I realized after I posted that child support is not really the issue. Hence I did actually edit my post. But I do disagree with your last sentence in that they both should have a right to decide vis-a-vis the child. This is not the 19th century. Women who get pregnant are not tossed into homes for unwed mothers nor are women forced to use coat hangers to get abortions. And there is this little thing called birth control. It seems to me that preventing unwanted pregnancy is fairly easy and I wonder when personal responsibility enters the equation. That said in the OP's case this child was conceived while married. As the husband of the woman and the father of the child he should be given some rights as to the life of the child. But since the prevailing sentiment in society is that the woman has ALL these rights atloss is screwed regardless of how deplorable his wife is or how reckless her decision making is.


Until you have been pregnant you have no clue on the topic of what a woman goes through. 

I thought that I could spout out opinions on what a pregnant women should or should not do. then I got pregnant and realized that I had no clue before that time.

Yes the father should have a say. He should talk to the mother and they should decide what to do.

But in the end it's her decision. it's her body. The father has no right to force her to abort or to force her to carry a baby to term. 

The world is not fair. Nature has set the rules... the woman carries the baby. It's her body.

There are plenty of deplorable men/husbands who still get custody of children despite them being scum bags.

There is a lot that is unfair. We deal.


----------



## Maricha75

the guy said:


> Lets all say it together
> 1,2,3, "threadjack"
> 
> One more time on 3
> 1,2,3 "thread jack"


Sigh... I tried to get them to move this abortion debate crap elsewhere.... to no avail.


----------



## EleGirl

bfree said:


> Well I guess I'm glad that work continues on an artificial womb and male birth control. That way women won't be so burdened.


artificial wombs will never create healthy babies. They lack the needed humanity.

It's like the monkey babies who were raised by machines. They got all of the nutrients, water, etc. But they died. They needed monkey mommy hugs and cuddles.


----------



## EleGirl

Maricha75 said:


> Sigh... I tried to get them to move this abortion debate crap elsewhere.... to no avail.


YOu are right, the hijack has to stop. it does not help atloss at all.

I will stop.


----------



## Nucking Futs

Maricha75 said:


> Sigh... I tried to get them to move this abortion debate crap elsewhere.... to no avail.


Yeah, I reported it to the mods a couple of days ago but no response/action. I suspect it's run the OP off.


----------



## camillaj

ntamph said:


> Your earlier post was flagged and it fits into the pattern of snide remarks that you make about men. Not a single one of your posts since joining have said anything positive about men.
> 
> Men have one reversible form of birth control available to them: the condom. Women have half a dozen different methods all much more effective than condoms.
> 
> If a woman wants to avoid pregnancy, she can do so with 99.99% certainty.


I guess you've been following me then huh? Good boy? Was that positive enough?

Like you said why not use condom if you absolutely don't want to get the woman pregnant. It's YOUR responsibility as the woman can't really control it during intercourse. You can also try your luck and pull out before ejaculating.

My comparison to cats was not meant to take as I want men castrated but to realise there are two genders in this and both need to have responsibility not only women. Ultimately the final decision is in the hands of men however.


----------



## the guy

And yet it continues!


----------



## bfree

I apologize for my contribution to this thread jack. I'm deleting my previous posts voluntarily. I should know better.


----------



## EI

bfree said:


> I apologize for my contribution to this thread jack. I'm deleting my previous posts voluntarily. I should know better.


Don't apologize, bfree. Your humanity is simply showing through about a subject that is one in which most people have a very passionate opinion, myself included. But, just for the heck of it, I think I'll keep it to myself.  (Wow, there's a first time for everything, I guess!)


----------



## Deejo

By all means ... keep thread-jacking.


----------



## thatbpguy

Children, children...


----------



## barbados

Deejo said:


> By all means ... keep thread-jacking.


The kinda gay Thor pic juxtaposed with your anchorman avatar is just too funny !! LMAO !


WHOOPS ! Sorry, I'm also thread jacking !


----------



## Thorburn

atloss said:


> Good morning all. Wanted to say that I do not wish for my wife to terminate the pregnancy; there is an innocent child waiting to be born, even if right now only spiritually; urging her to abort, especially since I know it is mine, would be a great sin; I however don't think a baby should be born in such horrible circumstances. The few friends who know what happened and my parents and my in laws agree with me.
> But, happen what happens..
> 
> My wife seems to shows signs of wanting to be civil with me; she tries to start conversation, but I withdraw; I don't see what I can talk to her about, as long as she calls the other guy every hour; I guess from the nervousness she walks around with the phone that he is trying to end it; guess a pregnant woman is not as attractive to him as a cheating wife sneaking at night.
> 
> In response to some that replied, I haven't exposed him. I know where he works but I don't want to make a fool of myself in front of a group of strangers; his parents don't currently live in the USA.
> 
> I spoke to him when he called just to clarify the paternity situation. It sounded to me that he didnt believe my wife. The guy doesn't want something serious, just enjoys fooling around, it's her who lost her head and chases him.
> 
> Right now I want to wait a little to see what shes up to. Another poster said that if I proceed with the divorce papers now she might be inclined to abort the baby. I agree. And as long as I'm not sure how I feel about this child, maybe I should wait until my feelings are clear.
> 
> The real estate possibly found us a buyer for the house. The guy seemed interested, and has a lot of money. My wife, whose idea was to put the house on sale, cried when she learnt of this.
> She cries a lot lately. Not more than I cry inside, though.
> 
> Our son is fine. I cannot prevent her from sleeping near him or anything. But he spends a lot of time at the grandpas anyway. My wife barely visits her parents now, because she doesn't like what she hears from them. She hoped they would condone her affair and "understand" her. They're horrified. Our friends do talk to her, but are avoiding too much conversation. They know, and she knows they know, and they know that she knows that they know. It's awkward. If I do reconcile with her, God knows how ! , i'm in for a terrible embarrassment, now that people heard of what she's done...
> 
> Thank you folks, you give me powerful advice, I would have acted more poorly if it wasn't for your insight. Feel a little, just a little better.


How are you doing, atloss?


----------



## LoveAtDaisys

Any updates? Everything ok?


----------



## LonelyinLove

Paging Atloss....how's it going?


----------



## Decorum

He will be back he is just busy ATM.


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## bandit.45

I hope his WW and the OM didn't gak him and cram his corpse inside the mattress.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Kallan Pavithran

Any update?


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## GROUNDPOUNDER

Kallan Pavithran said:


> Any update?


*It's tough to type an update when you can't see the keyboard*


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