# Married 11 years! Need some advice



## architect_dad (Nov 24, 2010)

Ok here goes. 
I’m 41 year old guy, married to my wife for 11 years. We have two great kids, both boys, who are 9 and 7 years old. Were starting to have some serious problems I feel like. 

As a preface: I'm honestly a very easy going guy, and typically try to avoid conflict at home. I came from a simple but stable family of married parents, and a younger brother. Very "Leave it to Beaver" I tell people. My wife and I dated for about 6 years before we married. Her background is catholic, and she’s from a big family with lots of extended "family". You can take that to mean, lots of chaos and alcohol. My family is southern and Presbyterian, so were really basic people. 

A little more preface: My wife also has epilepsy and her medicine changed recently. This new medicine has made her moody and depressed. She doesn’t work, and we made the commitment to have her stay home and raise the kids. I was good with that, and wanted our boys to have the peace and sanctuary of having their mom around. 
In the recent years things have become very difficult for me. My business took a down turn and I was out of work for about a year. We had plenty of savings, so money wasn’t that big of a deal. 

The major problem: Basically, she’s become very argumentative, and I feel like she’s lost respect for me thru all this. I have to really watch what I say, or she tries to make me feel bad, and then uses what I say later. She’s gotten very sarcastic to me, and makes fun of me to her friends. 

The second major problem: Recently she’s denied sex, and that really made me feel like something is wrong. She’s always had an ok sex drive, and I do everything I can to stay in shape (run, swim a mile 3 x a week, lift weights, etc), so it’s not like I’m an unattractive slob. She has body issues, and feels that she’s fat. She's a tall woman in her build (she’s 5’-10” about 170 lbs), and could stand to loose some weight, but I like her size and body. We used to have sex about every two weeks or so, but lately it’s almost never. I always have to initiate the sex, but when I do she gets into it. Its not like I get off and she says ok your done I’m going to sleep. 

I think staying at home all the time has ruined her. I’m really confused by all this, and feel like she needs a counselor to help her with some basic confidence issues she has. I don’t want to get a divorce, but do want her to feel better about her life. I don’t understand where the resentment comes from on her end. I know I’m not going to win best husband of the year award, but from what I know about other couples in our lives, I’m pretty proud of myself, I just wish she would be proud and happy and fulfilled in our marriage. 

I don’t know if this is a good post or not. Just read and ask some questions, I’ll try to elaborate.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Have you tried talking to her about this? It sounds like a lot of things could be going on. Her medicine could certainly be causing issues. If she's depressed, that could be lowering her sex drive. But there could be something else going on that you are unaware of. What does she say?


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