# Confused why my wife is just plain bitter...



## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

Married for 6 years in June... Her 29, me 41... We met here in Las Vegas when she was on a vacation from abroad.. Long story short we hit it off and after a year she was living here and we were married.. At first we were having a blast... never an argument.. laughing and the most important part to me "Lovey"...

Then kids... we now have a 4, 3 and 1 year old.. 

I never thought she wanted to have kids... but after the first was born she seemed pretty happy,,... except for her wanting to go out drinking a couple times a week it wasn't nothing that worried me... But then it got tougher as she would go out later and there was times I was bring the baby to work because she was too hung over.. Then we had our second child.. Now we are getting along ok.. Hanging in there I'd say.. Again she seemed OK with our decision to have another one.. But again I could see the going out thing was getting to her... Seemed she wanted to keep going out now with me at home with 2 babies.. And it wasn't like going out before children.. She was going out with younger women, getting totally drunk and becoming pretty rough around the edges.. She now wasn't afraid to go tell me to go F myself.. She had an easier time talking about divorcing.. How bored she was..I didn't stop her from going out.. and probably could have went if I asked but not having her discuss going out together and MAINLY me wanting to be with the kids at home more than anything she would just go do what she wanted.. Then number 3.. who is now 1... We went through a lot after the second and I thought well it is what it is.. After the third one came my wife seemed ok.. I thought she was growing out of the going out thing actually.. I never expected her to just stay home every night and feel stuck, that's something I am happy doing.. But here we go again.. Out with the single girls in the bars. Not coming home too late but out a good 4-6 hours on the town... Texting these girlfriends, facebook, gossip calls etc... I have never felt such a disconnect. 

So I will bring up the going out.. tell her its hard on me.. on my work etc.. for the past 2 years I have been the one who gets up at 6-7am to get the kids up.. She will sleep in until 9:30-10.. I actually handle the little baby nightly since her birth as well. To tell you the truth I don't know how we have 3 little ones as after the first the sex just stopped... 2 and 3 were HUGE surprises as sex may be every 2 months.. But I brought up the going out a bit as of late.. mostly due to she wears small little outfits with short shorts, sleeveless tanks and 6 inch high heels.. She is constantly chatting away on texting etc.. and has this attitude of basically, I WILL DO WHAT I WANT WHEN I WANT... I HAD YOUR KIDS SO LEAVE ME ALONE.. plus not having sex but maybe once out of every 2-3 months really confuses me. It used to be her little tool so she could go out.. She would go out, get drunk hang out all night and we would have sex.. Now ZERO.. This has come into the conversation and usually goes along with the going out stuff.. She has told me she is tired out all day from watching the kids.. Bare in mind for the first 2 years we had a nanny and a maid working the house.. and she has never worked.. So the fatigue would be from watching the kids during the day. Trying to tell her its something I miss or like and basically isn't a 3 hour ordeal why don't we.. Then she will hit the , "WELL IF YOU LOST WEIGHT, SHAVED AND WORKED OUT etc.. now I'm 185 lbs at 5-10. So it's not like I am obese.. Maybe just not in shape.. But being called a "FAT F***" last month I would have to think it really must bother her..

Anyway it's Mother's Day... She went out Friday night to see a band and drink... and is also out tonight..

Anybody have some thought on this situation? Or deal with something like this?

Thanks


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

If she isn't cheatng yet, she will be very soon. Who is paying fr all this going out? Cause that much time out costs a lot of money, so who's paying?

I think you better get busy fast and hire a PI to follow her on a couple of these nights out because your wife's actios and behavior smells big time like someone who is out hooking up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Same story over and over again.

Can you read her texts and fb messages?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

You are not the first person who has told me that... I thought tonight was a bit strange.. As at first she said she was going out with all the mom's for a Mother's Day night out... Then right before she is going she says everybody cancelled and its just her and a couple single girls hooking up... not single but girls not in serious relationships and out prowling lets say.. As far as who pays.. ME.. LOL

The thing that really makes me disturbed isn't really the going out part... it's the constant texting, checking the phone, facebooking .. it is crazy...


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

I could check... this brings to mind.. last week she went to New York.. Her, her mother and my oldest son. Apparently her sister was flying all the way there to meet them so the 2 sisters could see a band play.. Now first of all I don't know many people who want to waste money flying all the way to New York to see a band play.. So I think she threw the kid card in there, saying OH IT WILL BE GOOD FOR OUR SON TO SEE A MUSEUM.. BLABLABA

But to the story... when she left I told her I didn't want her and the sister going out and leaving my son with her mom to hang out every night...One night I checked the Find my IPHONE app... My sons IPAD was in the Hotel and hers was 10 blocks away.. it was 4:30am.. So I texted and all of a sudden the IPHONE app displays her phone turned off.. LOL,... I was like WTF? She tells me the next day that my text caused the light to come on on the display which in turn the battery died because the phone needed charging.. and she was just having drinks..


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Iphonebackupextractor.com on the computer she connects her phone to.

It'll get you all of her texts, even deleted ones.

I'm sorry to say but you already have an idea on what she's been up to.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

The going out should disturb you. She's going out to clubs and bars on the prowl. That really shoud bedistturbing you. Married women with kids don't do that unless they are looking to cheat. I think you'll find she's gotten anore serious BF and you got cut off because she doesn't wantTo cheat on him with you.

Drop a voice activated recorder in her car and in your bedroom at home. Can you get her phone an read the texts? Let me guess she never leaves it alone and it's password locked right?

Consider add a gps tracker to her car so you can see who she is visiting.

Check the cell records and checkout the most frequent numbers for calls and texts.

And hire a PI to see what and who she is really out with. Vegas has lots of PIs that are very good at
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Ok, just read about the NY trip,

Skip right to the PI.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

Yeah you have a good point about the going out.. I think I have been told so many times by her that its normal for women to go out with their girl friends and hangout that I don't get into to because she'll just say I'm crazy... My mom tells me the same thing, that usually married women with 3 infants don't go hang out in clubs drinking...

As far as the phone.. NEVER LETS IT DOWN!!!


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Ok, just read about the NY trip,
> 
> Skip right to the PI.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Yeah I thought that was a bit screwy..


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Can you track her tonight or is her phone turned off?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So she’s tired from watching the children all day. 

You get the children up, work all day and watch the children at night. Have you told her that you are tired and need some help?

Does she clean the house at least while she’s home?

You are letting your wife walk all over you… so she does not respect you. You really don’t have a functioning marriage. 

My thoughts are that first you need to find out what is 
going on besides her ‘partying’.

To do this you can put a keylogger on the computer she uses. It will capture everthing she types in and screen shots of what she’s up to. Does she have her own computer or do the two of you share a computer at home?

There are folks here who know how to download texts from cell phones. So get the texts. Find out what is going on. She is most likely cheating. 

Do not tell her that you are checking things out and do not disclose to her anything you find until after you have had time to come up with a plan of action. If you find that she is cheating, it will be very hard to contain your feelings but you really need to keep a cool head.

Once you know what is going then you need to make a plan of action. Do you want to stay with her and try to fix the marriage? Or do you want out?

Please here can help you come up with a plan of action once you have the facts. We can also help you with other ways to find out what is going on.


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

1. I can see her location... Off the Las Vegas strip right now.. On Mother's Day.. with a few friends I was told..

2. On most days I wake up with the 1 year old... then the other 2 will wake up.. She will sleep... I can finally make it to the office around 10:30am.. When I am gone most of the time anything in the house that needs cleaning is still needing cleaning when I get home... In the evening that's when she may start picking things up while the kids hang with me or the other way around.... OR everything is just a mess until the maid comes on Monday's and Thursday's... My mom has come by and seen the dishes 2 feet tall in the sink..lol.. Not only have I told her I am tired and need some help, my mother told her 2 days ago I seemed depressed.. I asked her about that and she said.. WELL YOU ARE ALWAYS DEPRESSED.. Not thinking just maybe it was something we could talk about due to it being all due to our relationship.. I tried opening up and got NOWHERE..

I know how to track the texts but I notice she uses a 3rd party app on the phone to do texting which I thought was strange.. why would you not just text using Iphones nice texting features.. Instead use a 3rd party app called KIK? This KIK app doesn't record numbers.. Its like Instant Messenger..

As far as staying with her... MANNNNN... I am just so afraid of losing any time with my kids... but I don't think she could do it, not due to lack of experience but she is ALWAYS disconnected texting, facebooking etc... They would be running amuck!! Thats the BIG difference between the 2 of us.. I enjoy all the time with the children and she is seemingly totally burned out...


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Did she acquire a citizenship through marriage?

She is an experienced cheater if she knows to use apps for texts. Hire a PI like yesterday. In the mean time protect yourself financially and keep your cool until you confront her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Could you afford to put the children in child care?

What would she do if she did not have the children to take care of during the day? I wonder if she would get so busy partying that she would spend less and less time at home and eventually just leave.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry friend but if she's not cheating now, I think she has in the past or is planning for the future...

as all others have said, there are too many red flags here to even begin counting. Start minitoring TODAY.. VARs, keylogger, PI cell phone back-up and bills.

Also DNA testing for ALL the kids. With the infrequency of your sex life, they may not be yours!


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Hire the PI yesterday. Do you have any idea how many men she's met? Partied with? And you know about NONE OF THEM. The chances of her going out on the prowl THAT MUCH, with other single women, dressed like she dresses, and NOT having at least made out with other men is almost non-existent. 

You've got it bad, dude. As bad as anyone on here. You know why? Because most people that find out about a wife's infidelity were at least comfortable before they found out. Ignorance is bliss, and all that. But you have to watch her primp for her dates multiple times a week. You have to KNOW she is partying with other men multiple times a week. And society has tied your hands because if you say anything, you're a controlling a-hole who won't let your wife do anything without you.

You have NO CLUE what she does while she's out. Hire a PI. NOW!!!!!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

BTW, you also need to get tested for STDs right away. Sorry


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

And I will ask this question AGAIN! And I'm sure I won't get an answer AGAIN!

What do you THINK your wife is doing when she's out dressed in tiny outfits with her single girlfriends all night? I need to know what allowed you to let it happen for so long. Did you just not think it through?


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

I have been married for 10 years, the only time I have been out with a girl friend alone in that time was to get hair cream for my daughter's hair. The only time I have gone with her to the bars, is when my husband was with and that was so WE could have fun together. IMO, the bar has nothing that I want or need that my husband cannot fulfill (unless they have a maid service lol). So no, it isn't normal for women to do this. 

There was a movie that my husband and I watched about a week ago where the woman was doing exactly the same thing, it is called 35 and Ticking, you might want to check it out if you can find it.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She not depressed at all, she's completely checked out and going on like she does is only normal for someone hooking and cheating.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

sportscorsair said:


> As far as the phone.. NEVER LETS IT DOWN!!!


Wow. Plus the bar hopping at meat markets in skimpy outfits with her single gal pals. Must be quite a party.

Oh. Sorry dude. I digressed a little. 

PI. Have him get some cell video of some of her finer moments at the bars. If that doesn't make you puke, I'm sure the texts that he'll help you retrieve will.

Brace yourself. I haven't seen anything in your posts that tells me you're going to be ready for what you find out in the next week or so. If you do it right.

VAR under the car seat. Can you IMAGINE the conversations on the ride to the bars?


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

Keko - she gained so far the Permanent Resident status... but also a whole different lifestyle..

Ele - I can afford childcare and for the first couple years my kids had a nanny and maid to make things around the house easier for my wife and I... Thinking I may have to resort to getting the nanny again so I can feel the kids are always being watching properly... I guess if there was a divorce coming it would be a must.

MRK - I can tell you I know for one that the girls she goes out with are all cheaters themselves.. as far as what they are doing I am pretty sure she is drinking, dancing etc.. after the second kid I actually lost it one night and packed the kids up with a friend and went to go find her around 4am.. when i found her of course it turned into YOU ARE CONTROLLING AND A PSYCHO... You see this whole thing wouldn't be so bad if she was going out with women who had families and understood... The ones she is hanging with are mostly single or single mothers who screwed up their own marriages.. One is a 30 year old bar hopping screwball with no job living at home.. never was fond of her from the beginning as she is very loose.. one time even leaving a condom in my guest room STUCK to the dresser after an evening with a guy.. another one of the girls is some kind of dancer who had a kid really not knowing I believe who the father was.. had the baby with some guy and now back to dancing and hanging out all night.. the other girl is some kind of waitress at a casino and again had kids then out of the blue I get word she cheated on her husband and is pregnant.. other is actually nice but could give a **** about what I think.. 

So you see most of the people she is around are all your typical Vegas chicks who like hanging out all night... None of them EVER taking into consideration that when my wife goes out it would be normal she should probably be home a bit earlier than them as there is a husband and 3 kids at home..

So she went out Friday and then on Mother's day... The night I first wrote this post she came home after 2am.. I was in the bed with all 3 children halfway asleep.. I asked her why she had to be out so late? That it was mothers day and it wasn't right.. Then she went on to tell me she was at one of the big casino bars in town which is probably the biggest meat market in town.. that her and the girls went there after the concert.. I then asked who she was with, because at first it was OH IM GOING TO GO OUT WITH A FEW OF THE GIRLS WITH KIDS ON MOTHERS DAY TO GET AWAY FROM THE KIDS... well the group that night was then turned into all the normal girls and not the few I thought she was originally going out with... So she laid there drunk not really answering why so late.. then it all went into a sh*t storm of yelling.. OH IM JUST OUT HAVING FUN,,, YOU ARE CRAZY,,, I WISH I HAD THE BALLS TO CHEAT ON YOU etc... 

so here we are today.... I had dental surgery yesterday and she actually had to watch the one year old last night as I was a bit in pain and tired.. 8am I am woken up with the baby and the other 2 and her telling me that the baby wants me and she needs to get some more sleep... LOL 

She is in a mood so I asked her what her deal is --- she wants an apology for getting on about her going out... LOL


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You don't have a marriage my friend. You have a woman who takes your money, crashes at your house, and s no doubt cheating. Do you she reads a book while those skanky friends are busy hooking up.

She is at least making it easy for you to catch her. The PI would only need one or two nights to get video of her hooking up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Wow.....is the OP in denial or what? Those who seek the truth shall find it. Those who do not want to know the truth will keep their head in the Las Vegas sand.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

She's bored, huh? No mother of three children is bored. Unenthused, maybe. Uninvolved, sure. 

If she's saying she's bored, then what she's really saying is that she's uninvested in your children and family. You've let her get away with this by not holding her accountable. Your attempts to talk her into accountability aren't working. 

Cut off the funding for bar-hopping. She'll get outraged over it, but you're within your rights. Instead of telling her what you DON'T want her doing, make your expectations clear and base them on what you DO want: I expect our children to have a mom who puts them to bed and supports them. 

She's free to disagree, of course, and you should be planning for divorce as the ultimate eventuality. She doesn't respect you, doesn't invest in your children much, and may be addicted to alcohol. When she disagrees, you may need to present an ultimatum for counseling/treatment or divorce. 

You may want to get into an Al-Anon group to learn some good methods for coping with your circumstances. 

Also, read How to Stop Enabling a Drug Addict for information on how to recognize some of the ways you might contribute to her behaviors and make it easier for her to keep doing them.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

sportscorsair, you either need to follow her around one night(secretly/with a camera) or hire a PI.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I don't think she's paying for those drinks with money,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Put your foot down, set your boundary and tell her what you are going to do if she crosses it. Lock the door on her if she is out past a certain time, tell her what time that will be and if she comes home drunk to a locked door, she won't know what has hit her.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Shaggy said:


> I don't think she's paying for those drinks with money,
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm guessing these nights out are not too expensive for her. I can just about GUARANTEE it's a game to see how little money they spend. I'm sure the goal is $0.00. And I'll bet they hit that figure regularly. Just search "get drunk for free" on Google. See how the gals do it.

PLEASE have her followed. I can GUARANTEE it will be an education. And don't underestimate what you will find on a VAR. If you could hear the girls conversations on the way to and from these party nights. I'll pay you for a copy.

Take the kids and walk. Consequences be damned. This is as toxic a marriage as I've seen on here in a while.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I'm also wonder if all these nights are nights with the girls. It would not be shocking to find the girls covering for each another so they can meet up with their OM
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

sportscorsair said:


> That it was mothers day and it wasn't right.. Then she went on to tell me she was at one of the big casino bars in town which is probably the biggest meat market in town.


Are you REALLY thinking through what she must be doing at "the biggest meat market in town" until 4AM?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

What I'm getting from your posts are as follows:

(1) Wife wanted U.S. citizenship or at least permanent resident status;
(2) Wife enjoyed partying with you while dating and until kids came along;
(3) Wife enjoys drinking; maybe too much. Possible addiction issues, but not verifiable at this point;
(4) Wife likes to go out with other skanky gals until all hours;
(5) Wife dumps kids with you and behaves as if she's foot-loose and fancy-free, playing at the single life; and,
(6) Wife has likely cheated on you with multiple men. My hypothesis from your information.

Please, please, please, do what others are suggesting and hire a PI. Get a keylogger on the computer. Get access to cell phone records. Put a voice-activated recorder in her car.

WHATEVER. Why? Because, with enough evidence, you have every chance of getting custody of your children. This is not the type of family environment/dynamic you want your children to grow up in. 

You sound like a decent guy. Hey, if wifey wants life to be one big party and/or orgy, let her go for it. BUT PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FIRST, LAST, AND ALWAYS.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Wow she blatantly disrespecting and ignoring your needs!!!
How can you let that happen? She's immature and irresponsible.
Man up and set boundaries.


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## sportscorsair (May 14, 2012)

I really appreciate all the input from everyone... As far as the U.S. citizen thing.. Not sure because she comes from Australia.. and has always said how better it is than our country.. Which maybe in some cases but I have been there and to me the U.S. blows it away...

When we first met things were a bit different as everyone would guess... She met an older man who was established that pretty much gave her all the attention and wasn't afraid to spend money on having fun.. May it be trips, going out together, a nice place to live etc... I would say right before baby one it started getting where I couldn't handle going out all the time.. I actually like stay in and cuddling, watching movies as well... So she started to kinda ask about going out with the girls by herself.. I really had no problem with it as now I could relax, think about work etc.. But then it started to become a habit that she would now go out drinking without asking me to accompany her... then staying out later and later.. This is when I tried to entice her to have the girls hang here more rather than meeting them out at clubs and bars.. this worked for a bit but then they just started going out later.. 12am onwards... and here is where it really hit the fan.. One night she hadn't called.. As most of you may know the calling and checking in and saying hi eventually turned into just going out and coming home whenever... But one night she called around 4am saying she was at the Palms Hotel swimming and would be home in awhile.. I was dead asleep and said ok and just tried going back to sleeping.. I laid there for a minute and thought WTF? Swimming? 4am? Jumped up and tried to call her back and ask where in the hell you swim at 4am... but her phone was off... She was out with my partners assistant so I called her and said.. uhhh where are you guys? OH WE ARE IN MY FRIENDS SUITE AT THE PALMS... HE HAS A BIG SUITE WITH A POOL.. hmmm I thought.. and asked for my wife.. OH SHE IS IN THE POOL EATING.. so I said I don't care what she is doing put her on the phone.. this is where I asked her what she is doing in a suite at now 4:15am swimming and what she was swimming in.. OH THE BUTLERS BROUGHT US SWIMSUITS... so I said ok let me get this straight, you are in some guys suite at 4:15am eating and swimming? OH YEAH WE ARE JUST HANGING OUT... I said well bring the bathing suit home I want to see it.. and also come home its late... So when she came home she brought a bathing suit in, handed it to me (which was wet) and I held it for a minute as we talked.. OH THESE 2 GUYS ARE FRIENDS OF BLABLA AND WE WERE JUST HANGING OUT PLAYING 21 AND I WANTED TO SEE THE HUGE PLAYBOY SUITE THIS GUY HAD... I did some drilling of course and was pretty pissed.. Then looking at the bathing suit I noticed it was like 5 tiimes the size of my wife... I knew it was BS.. So after going back and forth she finally told me.. WELL I JUMPED IN THE POOL WITH MY BRA AND UNDERWEAR... So of course this is where I was just stunned.. trying to explain that it wasn't normal... but she insisted that I was overdoing it. etc.... Anyway THIS is when I started HATING the going out and drinking with the girls thing.. It seemed she never had any moderation and always had to be the one last out.. From here I never was the same I can admit.

That was one of the extreme cases as a few where she lied about going to see bands and going backstage.. WHICH I HATE!!! That was one rule I always threw at her.. NO BACKSTAGE HANGING WITH BANDS.. But I caught her in a lie once as her and a girlfriend hung out with a band all night...

So as kids came especially after the 1st one she wanted to escape I guess and would want to go out again and again.. To the point where I was actually watching her walk in the door a few times at 6am and I was just bringing my baby to work because I couldn't trust her watching him.. Soon my mom took over when we thought she would just be too hung over. I lived with it but now it was different because I now never wanted to even go out with her at all because hanging out was now with my son not a bunch of drunk idiots in bars.. So it continued.. Then it got to a point where her plans consumed her. She wouldn't think about if we even had enough formula for the night. I recall one night having to go to Walmart at 3am on a work night to get formula while she was out. Now she was going out maybe once, twice a week but the friends like I said consumed her to where she was hanging on facebook, texting etc.. Now this is where is got tricky.. Because one night going out she met some guy and gave him her number because he had an in to clubs or something.. and I noticed her talking to him and texting.. So I asked who in the hell is this guy texting you.. OH WELL HE IS GOING TO GET MY GIRLFRIEND INTO A MAGAZINE AND HIS FRIENDS THROW PARTIES AT THE CLUBS SO WE GET IN FREE.. So I told her please, thats crazy a guy texting you back and forth and you seeing him in clubs etc.. you are married with a child.. OH HE IS SO NICE MAYBE YOU CAN COME MEET HIM.. I told her no thanks as I know men and no man is going to be talking to some girl for nothing and especially at odd hours.. and fling BS stories about photo shoots and magazines.. But I fell for it and ended up at his New Years Eve party.. Guy looked at me and really said nothing. So I told her, hey f this guy.. shows me no respect. Somehow I'm forgetting now but that friendship ended..

When the second child came of course she isn't going to run around pregnant.. I think a few times she went out but after the baby was born and she was back in gear she was all about girlfriends again. Now I was at home watching 2 babies on the weekends or whatever nights she was going out. To tell you the truth I was maybe getting to the point that I liked her going out sometimes so I could enjoy my boys. That was the most important thing to me.. So I figured let her go out when she wants.. But it got worse with all the Facebook BS, texting and talking on the phone. I would see photos of all the girls out drinking at bars and dancing.. with the girls writing SINGLES NIGHT on the picture titles.. This is when I got pretty hot again and asked her to find some friends who weren't all single and partying..and had some respect. Reminding her she wasn't single.

Anyway you can see the history a bit... It slowed down here and there. But now here we are 3 babies and ready to hit the bars. OH YOU DONT LIKE GOING OUT Im told.. I try to explain that I really enjoy the night with my kids.. OH YOU HAVE NO FRIENDS EITHER AND I LOVE MY FRIENDS WHATS THE PROBLEM?? GOING OUT IS WHAT I LIKE TO DO!! WHY DONT YOU COME OUT THEN!! 

MRK- As far as the money thing.. She will try and say that she isn't spending much money.. But on many of these nights out even after giving her money I will find I owe one of the girlfriends for money she borrowed. 

Tonight is Wednesday.. Friends in town.. OH IM GOING OUT FOR ONLY A LITTLE WHILE.. NO ALCOHOL.. OK?

Haven't got into this with her but I am sure I will when I get home.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

After reading more of your story, honestly just file for D.

Your home watching her and maybe your kids, but honestly it's so obvious that she is living the cheap part girl lifestyle that I almost wouldn't be surprised if it turned out she was working as a call girl.

Good for her that after a few kids she can still pull off the skimpy dresses and keep up the energy needed for the clubs. Btw, I would also expect she's using something to keep her up and going, Coke ? Meth? Those late hours wipe out a person and there is no way she's living like that and not getting some pharma assistance.

I do not see how this ends without either you accepting being a cuckold to a party girl, or divorced. 

The time after the pool incident is when you should have seen a lawyer.

I know it's been asked, but seriously have a DNA test on those kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

A mother of 3 kids that goes out till early morning is a ........ nevermind, but on a serious note is this what you want your kids to see as an example? 

Do you really think she isn't doing nasty things each night she is out? 

Sorry pal but you're in big time denial. From now on you should consider if you're OK to share her with other men+support her single party girl lifestyle or divorcing her.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

OP, is she splitting her take with you? Or is she having to give it all to a pimp?
If you can clear the cobwebs out of your eyes, you can address this now rather than having to wait for ten to twenty years to do it.
I would insist on her getting a STD test before even giving her a peck on the cheek and you do the same.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Get paternity check for your sons. They might not be yours. I'm pretty sure you will be devastated when the truth comes out. Brace for it. I never saw so many obvious red flags in one thread. you are in denial. A little snooping will reveal all you need.

Your wife is cheating. I am 100% sure about it. This is a train wreck.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

warlock07 said:


> Your wife is cheating. I am 100% sure about it. This is a train wreck.


Yea. Sorry man. This is as bad as it gets. And you know what happens if you try to put a stop to it? You get accused of being a paranoid, insecure Neanderthal. You need to document. Spy, and document some more. Keylogger, VAR, PI. The works. When you divorce, you want to keep your kids from this mess. It's all about them now.  

It blows me away that women think they can rub their infidelity right into their husbands noses like this while at the same time claiming it's all innocent. I don't mean to rub it in, but do you know how many men she's partied with the past few years? How many new "friends" she has RIGHT NOW that you don't even know about. I don't know what will tell you more, the keylogger or the VAR. PI's probably best.

And don't take this wrong, but how in gods name did you let it get to this? You should have been OUT THE DOOR when you discovered she was swimming naked in some guys hotel suite at 4:00 AM. 

Remove yourself emotionally from this mess. Plan. Spy. Document. You've got some work to do if you want to save your kids from it.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> But I fell for it and ended up at his New Years Eve party.. Guy looked at me and really said nothing. So I told her, hey f this guy.. shows me no respect. Somehow I'm forgetting now but that friendship ended..


WTF???


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

sportscorsair said:


> Then kids... we now have a 4, 3 and 1 year old..
> 
> I never thought she wanted to have kids... but after the first was born she seemed pretty happy,,... except for her wanting to go out drinking a couple times a week
> 
> To tell you the truth I don't know how we have 3 little ones as after the first the sex just stopped... *2 and 3 were HUGE surprises as sex may be every 2 months.*.


Quote from your first post about the kids and your comments in your other posts, I agree with warlock. Get the paternity tests done and dont be surprised.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

aug said:


> Get the paternity tests done and dont be surprised.


Although I agree that there is an EXCELLENT chance they are not his, what does he do if he finds this out for sure? They are his now. He's raised them. And if he's like most parents, he loves them more than anything in the world. Does he kick them out the door if he finds out they are not biologically his?

No. Keep the kids. He needs to get rid of the toxic waste that is his "wife".


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

MrK said:


> Yea. Sorry man. This is as bad as it gets. And you know what happens if you try to put a stop to it? You get accused of being a paranoid, insecure Neanderthal. You need to document. Spy, and document some more. Keylogger, VAR, PI. The works. When you divorce, you want to keep your kids from this mess. It's all about them now.
> 
> It blows me away that women think they can rub their infidelity right into their husbands noses like this while at the same time claiming it's all innocent. I don't mean to rub it in, but do you know how many men she's partied with the past few years? How many new "friends" she has RIGHT NOW that you don't even know about. I don't know what will tell you more, the keylogger or the VAR. PI's probably best.
> 
> ...


You forgot "CONTROLLING" in your first paragraph!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry Op but only one word comes to mind right now............DIVORCE


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

MrK said:


> Although I agree that there is an EXCELLENT chance they are not his, what does he do if he finds this out for sure? They are his now. He's raised them. And if he's like most parents, he loves them more than anything in the world. Does he kick them out the door if he finds out they are not biologically his?
> 
> No. Keep the kids. He needs to get rid of the toxic waste that is his "wife".


Well for one he will know that she cheated for sure, and it will help him admit it, because he has been in denial a long time.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Well for one he will know that she cheated for sure, and it will help him admit it, because he has been in denial a long time.


And, the child, if not his, should know who his/her biological father is. And the biological father should or may want to take responsibility.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

aug said:


> And, the child, if not his, should know who his/her biological father is. And the biological father should or may want to take responsibility.


No flipping way am I letting some POS my STBX wife screwed a few years ago anywhere NEAR my kid. I'll go on welfare first.


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

Oh my gosh.

Is this for real? I didn't make it past the first post.

Those poor children without a mother! Why did she keep having kids she didn't want to take care of? A 3-4 year old is old enough to understand mommy going out every night and waking up hungover the next day.

Breaks my heart for them.

Please take your children and get out of there. You are pretty much doing this alone anyway. Take the $$ you are shelling out to her for booze and use it for daycare while you are at work. Bet you will break even.

Seriously this has disturbed me. Your babies do not need to witness this type of behavior from the primary woman in their life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

I think it's his house that he had before she came here from another country. It's also the dwelling of the children. I think he needs to kick her to the curb - LITERALLY! 

When she comes home from her next sexcapade at whatever hotel...........swimming and eating in her "bra and underwear"  she needs to come home to find her clothes and belongings on the curb and the locks on the house changed. 

She's not a wife, nor a mother. She's just a party girl and probably is/has cheated more than once with more than one guy. 

Sorry, but she sounds disgusting!!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

is OP doing anything proactive or is he just complaining

are you at least investigating?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> The going out should disturb you. She's going out to clubs and bars on the prowl. That really shoud bedistturbing you. Married women with kids don't do that unless they are looking to cheat. I think you'll find she's gotten anore serious BF and you got cut off because she doesn't wantTo cheat on him with you.
> 
> Drop a voice activated recorder in her car and in your bedroom at home. Can you get her phone an read the texts? Let me guess she never leaves it alone and it's password locked right?
> 
> ...


I really do not get all this crap about hiring a PI, getting a GPS tracker, keystroke logger, etc.

Ask yourself this question: is there any circumstances under which her behavior (including being secretive and not telling you what is going on) would be acceptable? Is there anything to be gained that is worth all the time, effort, and expense of tracking her activity?

All you need to do is tell her that all the partying, hangovers, etc. have made her an ineffective spouse and parent and are therefore unacceptable. Either you guys get counseling for the issues (MC and IC for her) or you will act to protect yourself and your child from her.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

DTO said:


> I really do not get all this crap about hiring a PI, getting a GPS tracker, keystroke logger, etc.
> 
> ...or you will act to protect yourself and your child from her.


The second sentence answers the first. If he doesn't have evidence of a toxic lifestyle, she gets the kids and EVERYONE he knows goes through the rest of their lives thinking he couldn't handle a LITTLE independence from his wife.

Spy. VAR. Keylogger. GPS. PI. And just plain log all of her "out of the home" activities and accompanying sleeping/hangover habits. Get evidence and write a massive biography of an unstable serial cheater that is toxic to her marriage and her family.

Plus, as someone said earlier about the paternity test, it will slap the OP into seeing what his wife is really doing. He will see who she really is.


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