# Can someone especially ladies out there give me a some insight



## onelovingdad (Mar 25, 2012)

Can someone especially ladies out there give me some info on why women don't want sex very often? I mean a common excuse is too tired, but lets be honest here in most positions the man is doing most of the work. I would understand is she would go to sleep immediately after getting in bed, but she spends probably close to an hour playing on her phone or my tablet before she falls asleep. But you see this everywhere. I don't understand it. Especially when it's so good for a marriage. It reminds me of trying to get a child to clean up the mess they just made. Suddenly they are just too tired.


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## ClimbingTheWalls (Feb 16, 2013)

Hey - it's not just women, you know! I'd gladly have lots of sex - my husband on the other hand has lost his libido. We had no sex whatsoever for some 3 1/2 years and are now trying to find our way back.

That said, for quite a while as our relationship was drifting badly off course I didn't really want sex with him. I didn't find him attractive, his lovemaking was boring and formulaic, and it was just too much bother, frankly. He didn't make me feel good about myself or attractive.

So, how do you approach her for sex? What is the relationship like in general? Do you find her attractive? Was the sex once good, but now not? If so, is there any reason why she might not find you attractive any more?


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## Kermitty (Dec 27, 2012)

Not turned on by you at the moment or at all. Don't enjoy the way you have sex. Not feeling sexy or comfortable with my body. Need some "me" time. Already masterbated and got my fix. Sleeping with someone else. Those are the reasons I can think of besides a horomonal issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LoriC (Feb 18, 2013)

Detachment is a major reason why some women do not want sex. Also could be some resentment. Trust me I know, I was detached for some 5 years from my H. We were pretty much sexless during that time. We have recently reconnected completely and now have sex every day! Start reading some books. "5 Love Languages" & "his needs her needs". Both excellent in helping to find your way back to each other.


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## Vega (Jan 8, 2013)

onelovingdad said:


> Can someone especially ladies out there give me some info on why women don't want sex very often?


Because of man making sex out to be "THE" end all BE all of LIFE! 

When my exh. and I got together, we had sex between one and THREE times a *DAY*. But he wanted sex whenever his 'mood' struck: In a used car parking lot (I turned him down...). On a park bench ( I also turned him down). In the pool when other people were in the pool. 

As soon as we came home from church, often, we'd never make it up stairs...and end up doing it in the car, on his workbench or on the stairs.

Once we started to get into more of a routine with our jobs, he would want it in the morning. When my alarm goes off in the morning, it's time for me to get up. HE took it as a sign for HIM to 'get it up'. 

And yes, a few times, he woke me up in the middle of a dead sleep because he wanted it....

Then one day, I had an opportunity to approach HIM for sex. Instead of welcoming the opportunity, he got ANGRY. He was angry because HE wasn't 'in the mood'. Basically, HE wanted to control (and yes, he was controlling in other areas...which is WHY we're no longer together...)

It got to a point where if I wanted to do something, such as go to the library (alone) he would want sex either BEFORE I left or immediately AFTER I returned. 

So, my reason for not wanting sex was because I was FED UP with it being the FOCUS of "our" life together. 

Vega


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Could it be she's not enjoying it? Try to spice things up and focus on her, or she may not feel connected try bonding with her.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

There are many reasons why women go off sex as stated...they key is finding out why YOUR wife doesn't want to have sex with YOU.

How is she health/weight wise?

How happy is the relationship?

Any past resentments?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

onelovingdad said:


> Can someone especially ladies out there give me some info on why women don't want sex very often?


What makes you think that all women do not want sex very often? That’s not accurate at all. Many women want sex very often… like daily would do for me. 

There are also some men who don’t want sex often or ever. 

Part of your problem here is your assumption that not wanting sex is normal for women. It’s not.

Others have given you the list of reasons. You will need to figure out what the cause is in your situation.

I do have a question for you. How many hours a week do you and your wife spend together, just the two of you doing things that you both enjoy?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

onelovingdad said:


> *Can someone especially ladies out there give me some info on why women don't want sex very often? I mean a common excuse is too tired,* but lets be honest here in most positions the man is doing most of the work. I would understand is she would go to sleep immediately after getting in bed, but she spends probably close to an hour playing on her phone or my tablet before she falls asleep. But you see this everywhere. I don't understand it. Especially when it's so good for a marriage. It reminds me of trying to get a child to clean up the mess they just made. Suddenly they are just too tired.


Ugh, just because YOUR wife does not want sex it does not mean that women in general dont want sex. Just to prove you wrong SO and I have had sex 5 times in the last 3 days and we will again tonight. Plus a part BJ in the change rooms at the shops, a nice bath followed by a massage plus lots of kissing and grabing at each other. OK it is the weekend but even during the week it is usually once a day.

Maybe do as the pp said, find out why YOUR wife won't have sex with YOU. Good luck.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

Well for me there are/were several factors. Good girl syndrome, stress, dysfunctional childhood, resentment, responsive desire. Throw all of that in and your going to have problems. I also did not understand all of this at the beginning of my marriage. Then came guilt and frustration with H and myself. You need to find out what your wife's problem or problems are, she might not even really know or think she has a problem. At the beginning of my marriage I just thought my husband was a sex addict and he was the one with the problem. Human nature is to be defensive when being criticized so this is really hard to fix when there is anger, blame, and frustration going on.


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