# Friends with ex's...right or wrong?



## MrsLV (Jul 3, 2007)

Hi. I'm seeking point of views on the topic of having friends who are ex's. 
See, my husband and I were talking the other day after an ex boyfriend who is still a friend texted me to ask if I knew anybody that was selling some furniture. I only hear from this friend perhaps once a month, if that. Anyway, my husband remarked that he's not friends with any of his ex's, and I replied that i'm friend's with almost all of my ex's because I've always had a rule that once it's over, it's over-so my ex's know that they'll never have another chance with me, so it's purely platonic friendships. I mean, they even introduce me to their girlfriends/wives, etc. This really threw me.
Granted, i've not had any BAD breakups or breakups that they ex's would hate my guts or anything so there was never a reason NOT to be friends.
<sigh>
I'm thinking that perhaps as a guy (sorry fellas), he's probably had some rough breakups, and the women probably don't WANT to be his friend. 
But why should his experiece be the same as mine - I mean, he says he see's no reason why i'd still have friendships with these guys and i can't figure why friendship HAS to have a reason. I can honestly say at this point if he and I were to ever divorce, I'd not see a reason to not be his friend, and it saddens me to think that he's not be my friend anymore. 
I'd just like some feedback. The end result was that I will follow his wishes because none of my friends who are ex's are so essential that I just HAVE to have them as friends. This is a battle that i've decided to fall back on and not fight, because my husband is more important to me than any friend and I value my marriage. So I don't need a solution....just comments/feedback please.
Thanks,
MrsLV


----------



## lostforwords (Aug 10, 2007)

ok, I have had both some bad break ups and some good ones. I am still in contact with all of my ex's but one (and about half of the breakups I have had were bad lol). My boyfriend is ok with me talking to these guys (like you I also talk to them maybe once a month) I have always gotten along better with guys than girls! and with everyone I have dated there has been good times and bad times with all. I don't want to through away a friendship just becuase it didn't work out as more than friends. I beilieve that people can be friends with thier ex's. If your significant other trusts you then they should understand that you were friends with your x's before you dated and, that you don't want to throw away that friendship just becuase it did not work out when ya'll dated (I hope all of that made sense lol).


----------



## vista2007 (Feb 23, 2008)

As a husband, I am uncomfortable with my wife remaining so close with her ex-boyfriends/partners. An occasional email on a birthday is okay, but when they call her at 11:30pm to go skiing or to "catch up" is what I don't care for. She/they had there time together, and call me old fashioned, but I think it is disrespectful to a marriage for spouses to hang out with ex lovers and "casual" partners.


----------



## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

Wow, this same conversation was on the radio the other day and had my cell phone not been dead, I'd have called in to give my two cents. The one on the radio however, was moreso about one ex who would not drop it and who would deliver flowers or a teddy bear to the car of the girl, and that sounded pretty creepy. 

I had an ex that in the beginning I kept in contact with, which was ok, but I never saw a reason to keep in touch... we didn't work out. It was over. Done. Move on. He got married (as did I) and if I saw them out I'd say hi and that was it. His wife didn't understand why I was being so cold. If it was just him I'd see, we might have a quick catch up conversation. All that was fine until he got divorced. Then he came to my house for a visit. My husband was fine with it... he trusts me, not that there was any way in hell I would do anythign with him again. But then after the first visit, he stopped by for another one (both of these were unannounced), then he called on the phone and left a message which my ten year old daughter heard, and then was asking why he was calling. Then he kept calling. I finally had to write him a letter telling him that I'm not offering what he's looking for and he can just leave me the hell alone. He got the idea and I haven't heard from him in two years, thankfully. 

A friend of mine (she's single) stays in touch with her exes and I just don't get it. My husband talks to his, but only if he sees them out, he doesn't seek them out or have their numbers, and I'm fine with it. I guess it's just me, I don't see a reason to stay in touch with mine. My husband will probably read this and raise the red flag that I do have on my myspace friends a one night stand that I had. Maybe it's just a comfort thing. I guess it's just something you have to work out in your relationship. Every single one is different and there is no right or wrong answer for every relationship. Sorry I can't offer more, I guess I just used this as a way to vent since I didn't get to do it the other day on the radio. =)


----------



## tater03 (Jun 29, 2007)

I see know reason why you cannot be friends with exs. At the same time I don't feel that you should be talking or communicating with them on a daily basis. Just my opinion.


----------



## A Good Husband (Jan 1, 2008)

vista2007 said:


> An occasional email on a birthday is okay, but when they call her at 11:30pm to go skiing or to "catch up" is what I don't care for. She/they had there time together, and call me old fashioned, but I think it is disrespectful to a marriage for spouses to hang out with ex lovers and "casual" partners.


Ditto. There's nothing wrong with being old fashioned (and I'm not even that old).


----------



## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

For a time my hubby and I lived in the towns where we grew up and attended high school. We both had a large network of friends that included exes for each of us. We never had any problem with dealing with them. The first time I met his ex fiancee I thanked her for breaking up with him so I could have my hubby. That sounds a bit cold in print but it wasn't in real life. 
So, anyhow, if you are secure with your hubby/wife, what could possibly be the problem with being friend with exes?


----------



## Green-Moo (Feb 5, 2008)

I think it is very sad when people think that they have to be enemies with their exes, just because they aren't together any more. OK, if your ex has done something dreadful to you then perhaps you don't want to have anything more to do with them. But when the break up just happens because you move on, then it seems rather odd. After all, at one stage you were lovers & (one would hope) best friends.


----------



## fredfoxw28 (Jan 11, 2008)

I'm sorry I have to side with the husband. Imagine if all his exes were calling him all the time. How would you feel? In his perspective it looks like unfinished business. You guys have to work on being friends. Having male friends outside of your marriage can be very tricky. If you guys get into a figth you may call one of your male friends and that person will be the shoulder to lean on, then your start to reminisce etc. I've seen it happen before. I have 2 friends who have remained friendly with all there exes. One is married and when she talks to her ex's they are a secret from her husband. While my other friend who is single can't seem to find a stable relationship because she won't let go of the exe's. You have to make a discission, the exe's or your husband. They are your exe's for a reason!


----------



## berlinlife06 (Dec 26, 2007)

Well, I´m only friends with one of my exs and that is because we were friends before we were partners, and kept being friends. And it bugs me when I know my girlfriend is in contact with one of her exs... I think it is being jealous, but that´s part of life!


----------

