# How to best deal with the mental images...



## CarlJ (May 26, 2012)

I've been having a hard time dealing with my thoughts getting off track. Sometimes, I just start thinking about my wife's affair and having the images of what had happened go through my mind. Unfortunately I do know the appearance of the OP. It kinda comes and goes, but is there anything other than time that helps these get out of your head?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You have to force them out. When they come, tell your self "I diserve good things" and repeat it time and again. When I'm alone, like on my way to work I say this out load.

I refuse to let my wife unhealthy behavior dictate my life, I will not be defined by her crap. So find a mintra and use it to force those thoughts out of your head.

I aslo have heard were the betrayed imagine the AP wearing a clown suit and a clone nose, the betrayed will think about how clumpsy the AP is .

Often PA are on the run and are very ackward, its not so great when the guilt is there. But in any case as far as the mind movies go the thing that worked for me was plain old forcing them out and replacing them with something positive.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Find a counselor who specializes in treating victims of infidelity and PTSD. I was given the name and phone number by a life saving friend of mine, and it helped me tremendously on my road to recovery.

While the following articles are no substitute for a good therapist, they can help nevertheless.

*3 Ways to Erase Post-Affair Anger*
*Cheated On, Tortured by Images*
*http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/40190-feeding-affair-image-beast.html#post593486*
*Erase Obsessive Affair Images (in 30 Minutes)*


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

I hate to put it this bluntly, but anything he did, you can do or have done. Its pretty much the same with everybody. Every guy who marries a woman who's been married before could have the same issues (i.e. visualizing what "they" did together) but we accept the fact we ain't the only one who's been there. Its tough thinking about someone hammering your wife but unless a guy marries a virgin, someone else has been there. ( but those things clean up nicely ) . My wife was married before and had a couple of long term boyfriends in between. They did it. I guess I could sit around and create my mental version of their activities, whether they were better than me, etc., etc. But I don't. Your in the same boat as the rest of us who are married to someone who, at some time, got it on with someone else. Sex is a natural act. I do it pretty much like you or the O.M. It's like my uncle used to say, "you ain't the only one with a mule that can plow that field boy" Your bigger problem is that you can never really trust her again.


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## CarlJ (May 26, 2012)

morituri said:


> Find a counselor who specializes in treating victims of infidelity and PTSD. I was given the name and phone number by a life saving friend of mine, and it helped me tremendously on my road to recovery.
> 
> While the following articles are no substitute for a good therapist, they can help nevertheless.
> 
> ...


I appreciate the help.


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## CarlJ (May 26, 2012)

Fvstringpicker said:


> I hate to put it this bluntly, but anything he did, you can do or have done. Its pretty much the same with everybody. Every guy who marries a woman who's been married before could have the same issues (i.e. visualizing what "they" did together) but we accept the fact we ain't the only one who's been there. Its tough thinking about someone hammering your wife but unless a guy marries a virgin, someone else has been there. ( but those things clean up nicely ) . My wife was married before and had a couple of long term boyfriends in between. They did it. I guess I could sit around and create my mental version of their activities, whether they were better than me, etc., etc. But I don't. Your in the same boat as the rest of us who are married to someone who, at some time, got it on with someone else. Sex is a natural act. I do it pretty much like you or the O.M. It's like my uncle used to say, "you ain't the only one with a mule that can plow that field boy" Your bigger problem is that you can never really trust her again.


Yeah, I've been trying to accept this as well. To me, its the concept that our bond was broken, more than the idea that someone else has been there. It's also just a reminder of of disappointed you are that your wife could make conscious decision to do such a thing, despite knowing the damage it will cause.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I remember a fellow BH, said it best to his cheating STBXW "There is no more US. You killed US". The sex with the OM was the graphic symbol of this death. For this reason, if there is a willingness by both spouses to R, the idea of going back to the old marriage should be abandoned since it is gone forever and a new marriage should be the goal. Years later, a renewal of vows ceremony can be had as a symbol of the new marriage.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Slamming my forhead into drywall sometimes helped.

Gets expensive though...


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

CarlJ said:


> It's also just a reminder of of disappointed you are that your wife could make conscious decision to do such a thing, despite knowing the damage it will cause.


That's what you need to be pissed off about, not the act itself. It kinda like premeditated murder; the planning is as evil as the act. I think the problem is oftentimes the "movies" are the brains reaction to refusing to be angry about the betrayal and forcing yourself, for the sake of reconciliation and a spirit of forgiveness, to not be livid and wanting some type retribution for what she done. The movies may be part of your brain telling another part, "Hey, I really want to dump this broad and here's why".


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Men are visual creatures, it's incredibly difficult to get rid of them, it's not in our nature. I suppose you can have an alarm in your head pre-set to every time the thoughts come rushing in and distract yourself with other thoughts.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

The mind movies maybe difficult for us men to deal with but even visual creatures such as ourselves CAN conquer them with the right counseling therapy. I can vouch for this.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

If you do D, why have the images? Get rid of the images as you got rid of the WS.
However, if you do R or contemplating on R, there are difficulties in dealing with the images. :-(
Efforts of WS in repairing the damage done is number one. Your own inner strength matters as well. 
Tough work, dude.


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## CarlJ (May 26, 2012)

Really taking control of your own mind as it goes through all these emotions seems to be a good focus.


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## DaKarmaTrain! (May 17, 2012)

While I never caught my wife cheating conclusively her inappropriate relationships with over men (who she would magically meet at different social settings and instantly become 'best friends' with) was one of the key points in the breakdown of our marriage.

The 2 year party she has been having went into overdrive when we seperated last October...and even though I left her it still hurts to think about what she is doing out there now. From the rumours circulating her panties are up and down more than a $20 hookers. It hurts to visualize your wife of 14 years (and mother of your 2 children) turning into something you never would have guessed would happen in a million years.

So I too am searching for how best to deal with the mental images...


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

Just keep in mind that what she did is on her. Her actions were always beyond your control. Read Matthew 7:6


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There's an NLP technique that helped me cure my fear of spiders.

The trick is to go back to the incident that gave you your phobia (with me it was my mother's hysterical reaction to spiders) you then watch the image in your mind, but add some silly comical music to accompany it.

It worked so well that instead of squashing spiders in fear, I can catch them and put them out in the garden.

I am not saying this would work with an image of your wife/husband having sex, but it might be worth trying.


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## Vanton68 (Feb 5, 2012)

CarlJ said:


> I've been having a hard time dealing with my thoughts getting off track. Sometimes, I just start thinking about my wife's affair and having the images of what had happened go through my mind. Unfortunately I do know the appearance of the OP. It kinda comes and goes, but is there anything other than time that helps these get out of your head?


I took the images to the gym with me. Helped my lifts like steroids x1000. You crush the weights like you want to crush the OM. Unfortunately I never knew about the OM, until he had long since vanished from our lives (I don't even have his last name), so I was unable to vent my frustrations face-to-face.

Eventually (month after month after month) I became desensitized to the images


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