# Update, little TMI advice



## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Now four months out from my husbands hospitalization for acute Psychosis, (prescription drug induced not recreation) and it surfaced he was bipolar two after being misdiagnosed as schizoprenic, then bipolar one, now it is firmly on bipolar two. He is on I believe three meds and doing VERY VERY WELL. 

literally no arguments, his emotions are even keel. He is happier, but.... there is a big but... The zero desire to have sex is getting to him. He is on zoloft and it is known to kill libido. 

I am fine... Not to be crude but I have my (tool) and I can take care of myself. But i do prefer the real deal. But he is getting a bit upset about it. We have not tried in six weeks and in the four months we have had successful encounters maybe three times. 

I miss the intimacy because it feels kinda a let down from him when we cuddle or try to be loving... It almost feels like it bothers him to be reminded that he cant go further. He wants it... Just cant. 

I dont know how to help him...Im in no way pressuring him to do anything. I am clear that I love him. I miss that part, but I also don't miss the monster he was when we did not know he was mentally ill.... 

Anyway, my writing is going really well. Still on target to publish and I also only have 3k worth of debt left after getting a bit in debt to the tune of 11k while he was in the hospital. So we are making lots of progress, but this little problem is starting to grow to a larger one. 

I could use some advice for sexless marriage....


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

A lot of doctors couldn't care less if someone's meds are killing their sexlife and marriage. They are only concerned about sending them home with some med for the complaint that brought them to the office in the first place. 


The best thing to do is go back to the prescribing physician and see if there is another med that he could try instead that does not have that side effect in him. 

Some people here have reported that Wellbutrin did not have as negative impact on their libido and ability to perform.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

There are other ways to have intimate contact other than intercourse. Why not put aside a couple hours every weekend to just shut the door, turn out the lights, light a candle, put on some music, and just have fun exploring things?


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

threelittlestars said:


> Now four months out from my husbands hospitalization for acute Psychosis, (prescription drug induced not recreation) and it surfaced he was bipolar two after being misdiagnosed as schizoprenic, then bipolar one, now it is firmly on bipolar two. He is on I believe three meds and doing VERY VERY WELL.
> 
> literally no arguments, his emotions are even keel. He is happier, but.... there is a big but... The zero desire to have sex is getting to him. He is on zoloft and it is known to kill libido.
> 
> ...


First off, you do not have to be in a sexless marriage... 

Those meds that he is taking are affecting him, so he needs to be aware of that. Using Viagra or Cialis, if he is having trouble getting it up, is not a bid deal, if that is what is happening. 

Those meds cause ED, in a lot of guys, so you have to take something to combat that, it is really very common. 

You guys, him, need to understand what is happening and do what you have to do to fix it. 

There is no shame in any of that. Now that you have your husband back, you just have to tweak the details...


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> Some people here have reported that Wellbutrin did not have as negative impact on their libido and ability to perform.


I'll vouch for that. I was on zoloft. It took about a month for it to get out of my system when I stopped. I went to another doc and got wellbutrin. I don't have the libido problem anymore.



BluesPower said:


> you do not have to be in a sexless marriage...


In our experience, that is quite correct. Sertraline is a real "killer". 




threelittlestars said:


> It almost feels like it bothers him to be reminded that he cant go further. He wants it... Just cant.


Yep. Fur us guys, this is an awful feeling of inferiority and shame. Thank you for being there with him, and not rejecting him or pushing him to the side. I'm hopeful you can get a doc who will help him through.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

turnera said:


> There are other ways to have intimate contact other than intercourse. Why not put aside a couple hours every weekend to just shut the door, turn out the lights, light a candle, put on some music, and just have fun exploring things?


We call that naked time. No pressure, no expectations of intercourse, just let's see what happens, and usually something does happen. Definitely a good technique when not super well matched at times.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

It's not like he doesn't want to be with you sexaully . some meds have that affect on people . talk to a doctor and see if there is a med that doesn't cause ED and you might try Viagra or one of them . you might also try some toys for him to use on you . but what ever you do don't cheat on him . if you really love him .


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I also was no Zoloft for PTSD I feel like I lost years on that drug. Talk to the doctor about getting different drug.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

.


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## LosingHim (Oct 20, 2015)

Wellbutrin is a different class than the rest of the antidepressants. It was the only one that allowed me to still have the big O and not lose desire. However, it is a stimulant and made me have severe panic attacks where i thought I was going to hurt myself or someone else. That’s not the case for others though. It’s a good option to try.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

I need to remind people (For those that read my earlier threads) and inform those who are (new to my saga) that it was Wellbutrin that brought on the mania, and vyvanse that brought on the pychosis...Not a chance on going back there.... thanks for advice. 

Have not tried viagra, or the other... He is on lamictal/lamotragine and quetiapine 


And: Im not the cheater in the relationship.He was. I am loyal as hell and generally prefer a balanced partner, but I also want some intimacy. No sex is necessary, jut closeness. 



oldshirt said:


> A lot of doctors couldn't care less if someone's meds are killing their sexlife and marriage. They are only concerned about sending them home with some med for the complaint that brought them to the office in the first place.
> 
> 
> The best thing to do is go back to the prescribing physician and see if there is another med that he could try instead that does not have that side effect in him.
> ...


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

threelittlestars said:


> I need to remind people (For those that read my earlier threads) and inform those who are (new to my saga) *that it was Wellbutrin that brought on the mania*, and vyvanse that brought on the pychosis...Not a chance on going back there.... thanks for advice.
> 
> Have not tried viagra, or the other... He is on lamictal/lamotragine and quetiapine
> 
> ...


Did not know that. I'll edit my post. How long was he on it before the mania set in? What were the key symptoms?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Rubix Cubed said:


> Did not know that. I'll edit my post. How long was he on it before the mania set in? What were the key symptoms?


mania set in within about a week maybe? I think he was only on it 3 weeks. Rage, physical abuse, complete lack of understanding of tone, fault, triggery. Then he was taken off of it and put on vyvanse within 5 days... Mellowed the anger, but then he lost all touch with reality. (FULL DELUSIONS) Then a very strange attack, that seemed rather demonic.... 


(he was NEVER physically abusive in our 13 year relationship. So...it was just the medication.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

threelittlestars said:


> mania set in within about a week maybe? I think he was only on it 3 weeks. Rage, physical abuse, complete lack of understanding of tone, fault, triggery. Then he was taken off of it and put on vyvanse within 5 days... Mellowed the anger, but then he lost all touch with reality. (FULL DELUSIONS) Then a very strange attack, that seemed rather demonic....
> 
> 
> (he was NEVER physically abusive in our 13 year relationship. So...it was just the medication.


I am just saying that there are other meds that may not kill the libido.

Also, the mania from the wellbutrion (SP) is how you actually discovered the diagnosis of bi-polar. 

This is how a LOT of people discover that they are BP...


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

BluesPower said:


> I am just saying that there are other meds that may not kill the libido.
> *
> Also, the mania from the wellbutrion (SP) is how you actually discovered the diagnosis of bi-polar. *
> 
> This is how a LOT of people discover that they are BP...


Yup. This is how it was discovered. But we had a terrible nurse practitioner and she did not see it, she handed us off to another but never saw them before hospitalization. He went down hill fast.


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

threelittlestars said:


> Yup. This is how it was discovered. But we had a terrible nurse practitioner and she did not see it, she handed us off to another but never saw them before hospitalization. He went down hill fast.


You know, with all the issues with mental health, you would think that they would all be aware of it, but they are not. 

This may be one of the reasons that people are against AD, because if your are undiagnosed Bi-polar, this is how it shows up, A LOT OF THE TIME...

But, then, it is better to know that you are bi-polar, and get the proper meds for it, that do go through life undiagnosed. 

It just sucks that so many people have to find out this way, it just sucks...


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

BluesPower said:


> You know, with all the issues with mental health, you would think that they would all be aware of it, but they are not.
> 
> This may be one of the reasons that people are against AD, because if your are undiagnosed Bi-polar, this is how it shows up, A LOT OF THE TIME...
> 
> ...


Honestly, I'm just glad to know I'm not (quite) as mentally off as he led me to believe about myself. 

We had a bit of a fight today. I would say it is maybe the second one since his hospitalization. He cut back his dose on zoloft about two days ago to see if some desires can come back. I think he was chipper for a few days, but he has also been snappy, and I react to it. I guess I am sensitive to agitation even if I am equally agitated. Anyway... Bit of an argument tonight. He was being an ******* and misunderstanding then over reacting, defensive... got mean then I said I wanted him either to go away or I was going to start recording his words for the psychiatrist to determine if the meds might be off. He got mad then went upstairs. HOUR LATER: I went up to give our three boys baths. 45 min LATER: I sat on the bed and said I think he flew off the handle, (he was still awake) I tried to clear up the misunderstandings, and he accepted. No apology, just accepting it and telling me okay. I asked him if he was in bed for the night, he said no...wake me up in 2 hours and we can hang out... In 2 hours I would be going to bed...(ish). I said okay leaving him to sleep.... and in the end I chose to not wake him up. I needed the night away from him. 

Regardless of him being mentally ill, and trying to work on himself he sure can still be a jerk. Im not budging. I did nothing wrong.

Things are still better, but the small speed bumps jar me up as if hiT by a freight train. Weathering the storms have weakened my nerves. I can't very easily take **** from him. It as if he cant have a bad day, yet I get many. Haha... but honestly. I have my bad days... I just cant take his.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Is he doing therapy?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

turnera said:


> Is he doing therapy?



Oh yes, But i think he needs more.


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

Three,

Many bi polar people begin to take the meds, once they feel good they try to wean themselves off or just quit cold turkey. This can be very troubling for everyone concerned, and yes, many give excuses as to why. What many don’t realize, is that even if you just go back to your normally prescribed doses it may not work the same. This now requires another hospitalization to stabilize the individual, if their taking normal doses doesn’t bring them back to what they were. It is imperative that your husband take his prescribed dose, see a different physician or even the same to prescribe viagra or cialis. Cialis is supposed to work for forty eight hours, and viagra the same day. Hope it all works out for you.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

drifting on said:


> Three,
> 
> Many bi polar people begin to take the meds, once they feel good they try to wean themselves off or just quit cold turkey. This can be very troubling for everyone concerned, and yes, many give excuses as to why. What many don’t realize, is that even if you just go back to your normally prescribed doses it may not work the same. This now requires another hospitalization to stabilize the individual, if their taking normal doses doesn’t bring them back to what they were. It is imperative that your husband take his prescribed dose, see a different physician or even the same to prescribe viagra or cialis. Cialis is supposed to work for forty eight hours, and viagra the same day. Hope it all works out for you.


He is not trying to go off. This was the suggestion of counselor over phone. I heard conversation. She thought it was a higher dose than he needed now. But recommends staying where he is now until it does not work for him anymore. Since I guess that happens. 

(I want to preface this. ((((double: he does not WANT to go off meds. He is scared to. But the counselor said to try this before CHANGING meds since his system goes crazy when you introduce new med programs.)))) 

i want to ease the warnings that he is TRYING to go off meds. That is not what is happening. (thank god.)


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Update on this problem. 

We have a slightly better sex life. He cut his dose of Zoloft in half and proceeded to get really moody. I think it might have contributed to my stroke, but then he leveled out and his desire to have sex came back. Not over drive. 

We might have sex now, three to five times a month. Not great but so much better than NOTHING. 

His mood is good and his other meds keep him very level.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

@threelittlestars,
You had a stroke?! I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea you were going through all of this. My goodness. I just saw this thread today. And you're writing a book also? Wow. You've got a lot going on, not all of it bad, so there's that. I hope things continue to look up for you.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

First, that is so wonderful he got properly diagnosed and is doing well. (And that it is not schizophrenia.) You must have been beside yourself terrified with the psychosis.

Someone mentioned ED drugs like Cialis, and Wellbutrin was mentioned. I don't know about men but I've read that women who are on SRIs are sometimes prescribed Wellbutrin to take "as needed" when they want to have sex because it apparently counteracts the effects of the SRI AD.

Some hopeful news - I'm on prozac and orgasms became virtually impossible with the prozac. Not even trying with a "tool" for almost 2 hours sometimes. But the other day I decided to try and it was easier than when I was in my 20's. I finally got bored after about 50 orgasms and put down the toy....

I have not reduced my prozac, but for whatever reason, it was like I'd turned a corner. Maybe the fact that I honestly didn't care if I had them or not helped. Maybe my brain/body got used to the prozac? Hard to say, but it seems the curse has been lifted.

I'd have your H definitely talk to his Dr. and ask about something he could take to help. And just keep doing what you're doing - not putting pressure on him. Maybe if he stops putting pressure on himself it will help.




threelittlestars said:


> Now four months out from my husbands hospitalization for acute Psychosis, (prescription drug induced not recreation) and it surfaced he was bipolar two after being misdiagnosed as schizoprenic, then bipolar one, now it is firmly on bipolar two. He is on I believe three meds and doing VERY VERY WELL.
> 
> literally no arguments, his emotions are even keel. He is happier, but.... there is a big but... The zero desire to have sex is getting to him. He is on zoloft and it is known to kill libido.
> 
> ...


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Wellburtine made him manic in the first place and got him violent. Five days after being off that medication he started Vyvanse and lost his mind.... things are stable and acceptable now. 


WorkingWife said:


> First, that is so wonderful he got properly diagnosed and is doing well. (And that it is not schizophrenia.) You must have been beside yourself terrified with the psychosis.
> 
> Someone mentioned ED drugs like Cialis, and Wellbutrin was mentioned. I don't know about men but I've read that women who are on SRIs are sometimes prescribed Wellbutrin to take "as needed" when they want to have sex because it apparently counteracts the effects of the SRI AD.
> 
> ...


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

CynthiaDe said:


> @threelittlestars,
> You had a stroke?! I'm sorry to hear that. I had no idea you were going through all of this. My goodness. I just saw this thread today. And you're writing a book also? Wow. You've got a lot going on, not all of it bad, so there's that. I hope things continue to look up for you.


Yes, i had a stroke. (technically a TIA) I was on Vyvanse at the time and piling on the stress way too high. 

I am writing a book...to be honest I am writing about five books. but my attention is on one for publishing VERY soon. I am currently developing my writing platform to help sales. 

Thank you!


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

threelittlestars said:


> Wellburtine made him manic in the first place and got him violent. Five days after being off that medication he started Vyvanse and lost his mind.... things are stable and acceptable now.


Definitely scratch that Wellbutrin Idea! What a blessing that things are stable now.

For myself, I would happily trade the anxiety and depression and nervousness I felt before for no orgasms now. That's ONE HELL OF A DEAL in fact. But I'm not a man and I understand it must be frustrating and emasculating to him. As a woman, I'd be all over that snuggle time, but if it upsets him that he wants to take it further and can't, that's understandable.


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