# How often call boyfriend



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

My new boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for the past 10 days. During these 10 days we spent 4 "days" together. Like, 2 nights we slept at each other's house, and one day we went for a hike and another we just hung out at home. 
We usually only text randomly during the day (he initiates most of times), but few days ago he went to his parents house to spend the week there and two days ago I asked him to call me on the phone and he called me at night. That was our first phone call and that went well ♥ Now, should I wait for him to initiate calls or it's ok for me to set up a phone call again? We have been in a relationship for only 10 days so I'm not sure how I should act.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

How old are you?


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

29, why?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I guess your age would gauge my reply.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I would definitely wait for him to initiate the next contact.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I'm not sure how to process "serious relationship" and "10 days".

As to how often to call him, as often as you want to. Best to be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Have you been in any serious relationships prior to this one?


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

Nina0 said:


> My new boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for the past 10 days. During these 10 days we spent 4 "days" together. Like, 2 nights we slept at each other's house, and one day we went for a hike and another we just hung out at home.
> We usually only text randomly during the day (he initiates most of times), but few days ago he went to his parents house to spend the week there and two days ago I asked him to call me on the phone and he called me at night. That was our first phone call and that went well ♥ Now, should I wait for him to initiate calls or it's ok for me to set up a phone call again? We have been in a relationship for only 10 days so I'm not sure how I should act.


It’s nice that you and your guy get along. I don’t want to rain on your parade...but in my opinion it takes a lot than longer than 10 days with someone to call it serious. Try not to analyze it too much. Just go with flow and see where it goes. Nothing wrong with initiating the next call...go for it. It’s not a game or competition. If it’s meant to be it will be.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Guys when I say serious I meant he asked me to be his girlfriend and we are exclusive now.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Nina0 said:


> Guys when I say serious I meant he asked me to be his girlfriend and we are exclusive now.


Old married guy here. When I was with my now wife for 10 days it sure felt serious. Different. Real. And it sure was. 

I'm not disparaging where you're at. You're at the beginning now. Enjoy it. If this is 'it,' this time will never come again. Slow down, smell the roses, enjoy the frequent sex and longing and the I-can't-get-enough-of-you. 

And be yourself. If you want to call him, call him. If you don't, then don't. Every other woman would have pissed me off by coming on too strong, but not my wife when we started dating. She haunted my every thought, awake and asleep.

Be yourself. There's no rules to this game, especially if he's as infatuated as you are.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Again, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN A REALLY SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP BEFORE THIS ONE?


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Thank you Markduk,
And yes, I have had only one boyfriend who became my husband for 4 years before.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

It’s puzzling to me that when two people have already had a high level of intimacy (spending nights together/having sex) that you would hesitate about if it’s ok to call him or ask him to call you.


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## Bobbyjo (May 3, 2020)

@Spicy...she’s been married before. New to the dating game might a little intimidating.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Bobbyjo said:


> @Spicy...she’s been married before. New to the dating game might a little intimidating.


It sure was for me. I wanted to play all the games because I didn't want to lose her. I was about the same age, too.

One of my friends that is a woman just told me 'you know she is really into you, right? So be yourself. Stop overthinking it. If anything drives her away or turns her off, it will be games.'


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

You're right Marduk and bobbyjo
I want to allow this to flow but I've been watching dating coaches on YouTube and they always tell girls to let guys initiate and I get confused. He texts me first almost every time but I like talking on the phone. Because it's a very new relationship I'm afraid to call him or ask him to call me and then sound needy. He seems very into me though, so I believe that he wouldn't be bothered. But I don't know if I'm right so that's why I came here to ask this.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

And by the way, I've been asking your opinions since the day I asked him out lol so seems like your advices are working 😅


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Nina0 said:


> You're right Marduk and bobbyjo
> I want to allow this to flow but I've been watching dating coaches on YouTube and they always tell girls to let guys initiate and I get confused. He texts me first almost every time but I like talking on the phone. Because it's a very new relationship I'm afraid to call him or ask him to call me and then sound needy. He seems very into me though, so I believe that he wouldn't be bothered. But I don't know if I'm right so that's why I came here to ask this.


Start by stopping watching dating coaches on youtube.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Nina0 said:


> You're right Marduk and bobbyjo
> I want to allow this to flow but I've been watching dating coaches on YouTube and they always tell girls to let guys initiate and I get confused. He texts me first almost every time but I like talking on the phone. Because it's a very new relationship I'm afraid to call him or ask him to call me and then sound needy. He seems very into me though, so I believe that he wouldn't be bothered. But I don't know if I'm right so that's why I came here to ask this.


So, when he texts you something that you feel like discussing, call him. It does NOT have to be hard here. You and your new BF(congrats!) will work this out TOGETHER if you BOTH TALK about things, like "how do you want this to work in our relationsip...." -yes, even about talking on the phone frequency.. Communication is key, and setting up a really good close communication now will help make sure you get in the "habit" of discussion, even really hard topics.
I wouldn't suggest calling him every 1/2 HOUR!  But I don't see any harm in either of you picking up the phone to talk!


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Why no call him when you feel like it, and if it seems like he isn't calling as frequently, ask him "Do I call too often?" or "Would you rather I email or text?". We can't tell you how often he wants you to call, but he can. If he's any kind of relationship material, he'll be happy to discuss preferences.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nina0 said:


> You're right Marduk and bobbyjo
> I want to allow this to flow but I've been watching dating coaches on YouTube and they always tell girls to let guys initiate and I get confused. He texts me first almost every time but I like talking on the phone. Because it's a very new relationship I'm afraid to call him or ask him to call me and then sound needy. He seems very into me though, so I believe that he wouldn't be bothered. But I don't know if I'm right so that's why I came here to ask this.


If he's the right guy it won't matter honey, honestly. Short of being a clingy psycho who calls him 10 times an hour, you can't mess it up if he's the right guy, promise x


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

So guys, he traveled to his parents house and is staying there until mother's day. It has been 8 days already. Before he left he was acting like a proper boyfriend. Anyway, I called him twice during these days and he was all receptive and we talked for a hour each time. He demonstrated to be excited. Last call I told him that "you can call me whenever, you know?" And he said he sure would. But he never called. He only texts me and is very engaging with that, but that's it. His parents house is 2 hours away and I told him I had to go grab something at my friend's house (which is 30 minutes from his parents house). And he suggested for us to meet up this week there. But then after few days he said he couldn't do it because he's overloaded with school work (which I believe is not a total lie because we are both in a very demanding major - astrophysics). I told him that kind of sucked because I got excited, but I totally understood. He said he was sorry and that he would find something exciting to do when he comes back. 
But like, these days, he has been posting side projects he has been doing, gardening, etc... So seems like he wasn't THAT busy to the point of not having, let's say, 5 hours to spend with me. 
I am known as being intense with my feelings (my friends hear me whinning, never the guy), but I don't know if I'm overreacting this time.
What do you think?


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Another thing, I'm too passive sometimes. Do you think I should come off stronger and voice that I'm not feeling that this is looking like a relationship or its way too early to that? (18 days since he asked me to be his gf)

Also, he mentioned that he was thinking of coming home during this week because he knew I'm all alone here (due to Corona), and I stupidly said that he didn't need to do that "I appreciate you thought of me and I'll miss you but I can wait until mother's day, you don't have to come in the middle of the week". I don't know, maybe I wanted to sound like I was cool or whatever, and now I regret I said that because I miss him and I hate not seeing him for days too early in the relationship.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

So, he sounds like MAYBE he doesn't like to talk on the phone. I forget how old you both are, but my son is 26 and NEVER talks on the phone. He hates it. He will spend 2 hours texting what would be a 5 minute conversation. Maybe your BF is like that.
As for meeting, his PARENTS may have not wanted him to meet up with you -- they may be doing the social distancing much more rigidly than the both of you are, and asked him to just stay at their house while he is there. The gardening project is probably him just helping his parents around the house. Doesn't sound like he's going out to meet others while there.

Another thing - stuff like phone calls, or making plans, etc., I tend to see in various relationships (LTR, marriage, even friendships) that those types of things TEND to get more one-sided. Maybe it's something YOU have to initiate most of the time. NOT saying it's right, but I've seen that over and over. One person tends to initiate calling more, or makes more of the plans, etc..


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Nina0 said:


> Another thing, I'm too passive sometimes. Do you think I should come off stronger and voice that I'm not feeling that this is looking like a relationship or its way too early to that? (18 days since he asked me to be his gf)


WAY too early. TAKE YOUR TIME. I know you are exictied -- the beginning of a new relationship is like that. It is NOT a race to get to the endpoint. Enjoy the path to get there (yes, even the butterflies and unknowns -- you can learn a lot about YOURSELF if you pay attention to them).

Another thing, you are in a VERY unique time with this virus and having social restrictions, etc.. You can't really expect this to go like the start of a relationship would have a year ago...


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Stop responding to his texts is first. 

It's hard to have a bf that doesn't call, and no it's not right for him to act like he's acting.

Really, if you want him to call you have to quit responding to his texts.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'd give the communication a rest. 18 days you have been "in a relationship" not even three weeks. Sounds like he's busy visiting his parents, doing projects at his parent's house, and doing end of the semester school stuff.

If he wanted to call you and talk on the phone, he would.


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

You know, I cannot date someone who can be "intense with feelings" after dating for 18 days, and I am a woman.

Some people take relationships very slow. Others are very intense from the beginning. That's up to each couple, but 18 days is way too early to determine if you are in a long lasting relationship. 

Why don't you relax, do things on your own, talk or text to the guy and just play it by ear? 

What do you want from the guy after 18 days? 

Yes, you are very intense.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Thank you for the insight you all. I might be even worse because of isolation. I literally only have my dog, not even roommates to physically see but I know I'm not the only one in this situation. It's always nice to talk to you though, makes me relax a bit and see that I'm freaking out for no reason.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Yes, you are being very intense honey...take a deep breath and step back. If you'd prefer to talk on the phone rather than text, tell him! Next time he texts you, reply "I'd really like to talk on the phone, I miss your voice". If he has any brains, he'll call lol. 

Another thing, hour long phone calls are draining...keep them shorter than that. My husband was os for a month last year for work, and we spoke every day but not for an hour. Maybe that's why he's reluctant to call? I'm not saying rush him off the phone after 5 minutes, but share each others news, tell each other you miss the other and look forward to the next call then hang up.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

frusdil said:


> Another thing, hour long phone calls are drainin


Do you think it could be that? For both times I was the one who wrapped up and he kind of sounded like he wanted to keep talking...
Do you think it's ok if I suggest another phone call today or just let it be?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

If he wanted to talk to you he'd just call you.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

But then I'm confused. Some of you say I should call and some of you say I shouldn't... 🤔


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> My new boyfriend and I have been in a serious relationship for the past 10 days. During these 10 days we spent 4 "days" together. Like, 2 nights we slept at each other's house, and one day we went for a hike and another we just hung out at home.
> We usually only text randomly during the day (he initiates most of times), but few days ago he went to his parents house to spend the week there and two days ago I asked him to call me on the phone and he called me at night. That was our first phone call and that went well ♥ Now, should I wait for him to initiate calls or it's ok for me to set up a phone call again? We have been in a relationship for only 10 days so I'm not sure how I should act.


LOL...you've slept with the guy numerous times, you're in a new relationship with him, yet you're worried about a phone call????

If you can get naked with the guy then you can certainly call him on the phone! What is it with young people acting like phone calls are some kind of major _*invasion*_ on people's personal space but sex isn't? I honestly don't get this twisted 'logic.'


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Nina0 said:


> But then I'm confused. Some of you say I should call and some of you say I shouldn't... 🤔


You can call, you can text. Whatever. If he doesn't answer your call you can leave a voice message. You can text something like "I just called you because I wanted to hear your voice." "Call me when you can." And that's it. 

Do whatever YOU feel like doing. You are building this relationship not us. 

It's ok to say what you want and need. It's ok if the other person doesn't like it. It's better to know it at the beginning and it's ok to change or to leave. 

Choosing to call or text is definitely not a big deal. If this is getting you very anxious, I don't know how you would react when a big problem arrives. 

Just relax and enjoy the moment!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Listen. It is ok to call. It is ok to answer his text. Don't play games like have I waited long enough. If he's for you then he'll like that you texted him back. I woudn't call him everyday. I would understand that some people don't like talking on the phone. That is a hard one for me as I'm a phone person. But I wouldn't take it personal. He might not have wanted to hook up the day you said because his parents may not approve of him mixing with people who aren't in quarantine with them and then coming back to their house. If he said something like oh I"m gonna pop out and see Nina. That might have made them nervous. 

IT is not ok to lie to him. If he offers make a special trip just to come see you and you want that then say "oh yeah I'd really like that I"m missing you.' It is also to say hey that's a long trip and I'd really love to see you but I understand how far it is. 

In my opinion he seems adequately engaged and responsive. *IF he didn't like you the calls wouldn't last an hour*. I have had calls that last 7 hours each not wanting to hang up but... I'm intense too. The people I dated and the man I married appreciated intensity and passion. Some don't, That's ok cause in the end you only need one person to find your level of intensity, passion, communication to be just the right amount. I cut back on phone calls for my hubby and he makes calls he would rather he didn't. He has trouble hearing on the phone so it just isn't the same experience as it is for me. You'll find a path. 

Don't hide who you are or you will end up dating the wrong people a lot. You can tone down or make small changes to be a better fit. Make continued changes to try to become a better person. But be yourself and find someone who likes you. I know we are all afraid no one actually likes us for us but there truly is someone for everyone.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Like I've said before -- you are the VERY BEGINNING of this relationship, so the "love" butterflies are flying strong. Call when you want, text when you want.
The ONLY caveats I have to this are don't phone stalk him (text every 5 minutes all day, or call every 1/2 hour), and try not to call when you know he can't talk (studying, working outside, etc.).
You two should work this out between yourselves.
Just ASK HIM! "Hey, what do you think about our phone calls frequency"? And have a RATIONAL discussion about it. HE will be the one to answer your questions if too frequent, if he doesn' really like to talk on the phone, etc.. 
YOU two should work it out. Don't be afraid to talk with him, ok? That will be key for your longer term relationship anyway, so start now!


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

Oh I forgot to say. I don't know why he has to call you. I mean as long as he sounds happy and spends the hour then you aren't bothering him. 

I am probably much older than you, almost 50. So when I last dated we were trying for women to be equal (like we still are striving for) but it was much more normal for the guy to call, guy to ask you out.... blah blah blah. 

I asked my husband out. I asked my husband to marry me. I have been married 27 years (1st marriage for both) and have the happiest relationship I know. We don't fight or argue (and it isn't repressed resentment), we have sex 5-11 times a week on average and can't get enough of spending time with each other. So there are no rules about who calls who unless you want to play games.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Oh wow guys! Thank you again! 
I'm impressed by your relationship Anastasia. 
I'll call him today and ask him those questions, and you're right, I will find a balance of being myself and not wanting too much too soon.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Similar for me -- my WIFE asked me out (I DID ask HER to marry me though!) -- married for almost 32 years..
Don't be afraid to talk with him. If you want something, ASK! Don't assume he knows what you are thinking or feeling.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

jlg07 said:


> Similar for me -- my WIFE asked me out (I DID ask HER to marry me though!) -- married for almost 32 years..
> Don't be afraid to talk with him. If you want something, ASK! Don't assume he knows what you are thinking or feeling.


LOL. Well to be fair I knew I wanted to marry him before the first date. Confirmed it my first date. I had dated enough, been proposed to enough(like 8 times), had a LTR. I knew. So I was actually kinda joking (kinda not ok so that is a game) to feel out where he was in his feelings because I am intense and he's not a talk about that stuff kinda guy. So it went kinda like this.
Him: " what do you want for Christmas"
Me: " you could take me to Vegas and marry me"
Him: " ok"
Me: "ok I guess we need tickets or something" walk outside to keep working on a project we were working on. I tried to play it cool because I didn't want to be married just because I am so intense he might be afraid to say no. I can usually make anything I really want to happen, happen. That kind of intense. A marriage can't be forced and work.

He comes out and says plane tickets are $1500 each (both do not have that kind of money)
Me: " I guess we aren't flying" biting my tongue working on the bikes........wait for it.
HIm: "we could drive" and that is how I got engaged. So I did ask but he was the one that kept after it once it was brought up. 

So OP things don't have to go the way society says they should. You have to be realistic and yourself. If he's the one then it will work out. I think one of the reasons me and hubby get along so well is we both had enough experience we knew what we wanted and we didn't play games. We still don't. Sometimes we want something so much we aren't honest with ourselves or others. But if you just be yourself hopefully he's mature enough to be himself then you can see if there is something worth wanting. If you are both hiding who you are because you don't want to upset the other than you'll have a great made up relationship. I don't mean don't shave your legs. Of course if 3 months later you are going to stop shaving then don't do it in the first place.


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## Sophia 76 (May 3, 2020)

You should take things easy, at first its always looks nice and fancy, the relationship is still young let it grow so you can be able to make decision on how to call or not let it flow naturally you will find your answers to your questions


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

News... 

When we were still on the non official stage (lasted a month), he mentioned he's been depressed for the past 2 years. He's an extrovert, makes jokes all the time, he always lights up the place wherever we are, and all of our friends adore him, but he's been canceling things with friends and he's being a loner. He feels really unmotivated to connect with people, and he said he's craving independency. He's clearly struggling. I can notice it even when we are hanging out that he craves for affection.
Anyway, we talked on the phone tonight and he said that he's not a phone guy, that he relies on body language and thanked me for setting up a phone call because he should do it more. I told him that I was glad he let me know he didn't like talking on the phone because I thought the problem was with me. He said it definitely wasn't. But he said he's gonna come home this Sunday and is looking forward to see me and the first thing he wants to do when he gets back is seeing me.

I'm now confused because if he's avoiding connecting with friends, it might be hard for me to connect with him 😭 I'm sad because I want him to let me in, but I don't know if he will let me. He's struggling and I don't know if he's ready for a relationship. Now I don't even know why he wants to be in a relationship with me.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nina0 said:


> But he said he's gonna come home this Sunday and is looking forward to see me and the first thing he wants to do when he gets back is seeing me.
> 
> I'm now confused because if he's avoiding connecting with friends, it might be hard for me to connect with him 😭 I'm sad because I want him to let me in, but I don't know if he will let me. He's struggling and I don't know if he's ready for a relationship. Now I don't even know why he wants to be in a relationship with me.


Ok NOW you're overthinking it. He told you he's coming home Sunday and the first thing he wants to do is see you. That's pretty direct and pretty clear on both his feelings for you and where you are on his priority list. He can't make it any clearer honey.

Just go with it. Maybe he just likes being with you, maybe, just maybe he finds your company easy to be with, and that's why he wants to see you.

Breathe....


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Thank you frusdil, and I guess connection comes with time anyway. I'm just afraid of trying and getting hurt again.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nina0 said:


> Thank you frusdil, and I guess connection comes with time anyway. I'm just afraid of trying and getting hurt again.


I know honey, but love is always a risk, often the biggest one we'll ever take xx


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

So guys, last call we had I asked him when he was coming home and he said Sunday night or Monday morning. Yesterday he told me he was staying at his parent's for the night. Today he posted an Instagram stories still at his parents house. He hasn't texted me to tell he wasn't coming home today. 
I fell disrespected and hurt. Should I ask him when he's actually coming? I won't put up with this bull***.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Nevermind guys, he's coming home tonight. I still feel disrespected though. He said he was coming in the morning, not evening. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship, seriously. This quarantine is messing with my emotions. Isolation is the worst and I can't handle this.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Nina, breathe deep. Do it again. Now, go do something you like to do. No matter what you CANNOT invest ALL of your emotions into this guy or this relationship.
If a few hours of him not texting his changed plans has you all riled up, you are TOO into this and need to breathe. Doesn't mean you shouldn't pursue it, but you need to stop analyzing things down to the rabbit hole level, ok? You need this for YOUR OWN sanity to stop jumping into the deep end at everything that happens.
Is a few hours difference worth all this hurt you typed out? Calm a bit, do something you like to do for yourself to relax. Tomorrow is another day.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

As @*jlg07 *said, calm down. Others have given good advice--choices. Pick the ones you see as who/what you are. Underlying your questions is a bunch of anxiety and insecurity. Work on being a stronger, more confident person. 

Stop second guessing yourself. No one wants to be hurt. If y'all are meant to be, no small issue is going to crush you. You are human and humans make mistakes. It is how they handle them that is most important.

If you don't know who you are and what you stand for, how will anyone else? If he is depressed, he needs a strong person who can make her own decisions because he, too, will second guess himself. Y'all need growing connection through conversations, wants, and needs. 

IMO: meditation, yoga, regular exercise, deep breathing, beautiful music, will be your friends when you start to feel indecisive.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

> Well to be fair I knew I wanted to marry him before the first date.


Uh, what?

pump the brakes, lady. Enjoy the journey a little.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Nina0 said:


> Nevermind guys, he's coming home tonight. I still feel disrespected though. He said he was coming in the morning, not evening. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship, seriously. This quarantine is messing with my emotions. Isolation is the worst and I can't handle this.


I’ve changed my mind.
Maybe go be single for a bit. You’re all over the map.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I would agree you may not be ready for a relationship at this time. My advice is to lighten up some.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Marduk said:


> Uh, what?
> 
> pump the brakes, lady. Enjoy the journey a little.


I've never said that. That was someone else's post.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Your bf HAS let you in. Alot. He told you he was depressed for the past 2 years. He trusted you enough to share his inner most feelings. Why doesn't that resonate with you?

You are going to smother this burgeoning relationship if you keep parsing out every action of his (the IG post and him not returning from his parents' house at the EXACT hour he said he would).

I realize you aren't sharing your thoughts here with your bf and thank goodness or he might RUN. It's way too much. You are indeed very intense. Your inner thoughts will inevitably rear their ugly head in the relationship if you don't reign them in.

Step back and enjoy it for what it is. Live in the moment and enjoy! You're so busy thinking one step ahead and hyper focused on what you perceive is wrong, you're missing all the good stuff! It's almost like you're waiting and watching for him to mess up. You must trust him until he gives you a reason not to--not the other way around. 

I say this with kindness-zero snark. You are your own worst enemy. You've got to get a handle on your intensity and inability to trust. Learn to be more fluid, flexible, and easy-going--with yourself. Again, I realize he is hearing none of this, but you don't want this to manifest outward. Enjoy what you have in the here and now.


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Thank you for your words and time @lucy999. I'll try to let this sink in. The problem here is definitely not the relationship. It's my anxiety, fear and insecurities making me not ready for this. I'll try to meditate like suggested and use the therapy center from my college. Thank you all for helping me understand what was going on xoxo


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## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

I kinda knew something wasn't clicking. I know I'm intense but I felt in my guts things weren't good.

He came over yesterday and we talked a lot. He's really depressed and on the edge. He doesn't like living at his apartment because his roommates fight a lot and he told me that when he came home on Monday evening he had a break down and almost drove back to his parents house because he hates being at the apt. He didn't go because he wanted to see me. So yesterday he came over and he wouldn't stop crying. He's an emotional wreck right now. Even one of our friends called me yesterday warning me that he's not in a good mental state, to go check out on him.

He said he feels safer at his parents house but he didn't want to stay there all the time because he knew I was here all alone in isolation. 
But I don't want him to stay here only for me. I'm not selfish and his mental health is priority here. So I told him to just stay at his parents house until quarantine is over. 
He suggested coming to my house every week but I'm not in a good mental state right now either and if he promised that and canceled I would be really sad so I rather not expect anything from him at the moment. I told him he needs to take care of himself above anything.
Then he suggested for us to give our relationship a pause and start again when our in person classes are back (probably in September), and I told him that wouldn't work for me because I would spend all these months expecting for the fall and maybe he would feel differently in the fall. But I told him that if I'm single in the fall and he's in a better position internally speaking, that he can ask me out on a date.

We kissed a last time and he went home to his parents. I'm honestly devastated right now. I know our thing didn't last long (4 months total) but real feelings were involved and I was happy to have someone with me in the middle of this whole quarantine. We just picked the worst possible time to start a relationship. 

I just hope we will be alright, I can't stop hurting and crying but I feel like I did the right thing... and thank you all for your time and advices during these two months of me posting here.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> Nevermind guys, he's coming home tonight. I still feel disrespected though. He said he was coming in the morning, not evening. I don't think I'm ready for a relationship, seriously. This quarantine is messing with my emotions. Isolation is the worst and I can't handle this.


This guy is an emotional cripple and there was just WAY too much hard work and drama that came with dating him.

One day you're going to realize that you were very* fortunate *to have only dealt with this dysfunction for 4 months. He's constantly 'depressed' and 'on the edge' and 'ready for a breakdown.' That crap gets REAL old REAL fast.

I have the feeling that this guy will STILL be living with his parents when he's 35 years old.

You dodged a bullet.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Sorry Nina -- but things WILL work out for you. You will find someone. Just give it time.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Put all your energy and focus on healing yourself. The reason you got involved with a guy who has some issues is because you have issues too. Water seeks its own level. See this as an opportunity to discover who you really are. I assure you, it WILL be worth it. And you will ultimately have a fulfilling life with a man you deserve.

P.S - I'm not saying we all don't have issues, because we do. It's how we learn to deal with them that makes the difference.. 

Best of luck!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nina0 said:


> He suggested coming to my house every week but I'm not in a good mental state right now either and if he promised that and canceled I would be really sad so I rather not expect anything from him at the moment. I told him he needs to take care of himself above anything.
> 
> Then he suggested for us to give our relationship a pause and start again when our in person classes are back (probably in September), and *I told him that wouldn't work for me because I would spend all these months expecting for the fall and maybe he would feel differently in the fall. But I told him that if I'm single in the fall and he's in a better position internally speaking, that he can ask me out on a date.*


GOOD GIRL!! Excellent and perfect response, exactly what I would have advised you to do.

I know you're hurting honey, a lot, and it's magnified by the isolation, for that I am so very sorry xx

I do think that you dodged a bullett, being with a depressed person would have sucked the life out of you. They just take, take, take and give absolutely nothing. I'm not saying it's their fault, but that's the reality. You'd always have been walking on eggshells, and handling life stresses yourself, because he "couldn't cope". Stuff that.


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