# My Psychologist is cheating on me



## funnyguy (Dec 9, 2015)

Greetings-
Long time reader and first thread. Respectfully asking for any advice or suggestions on my particular situation. 

Both My wife and I are 56 years old, professionals, with three grown children. For the past several years, my wife and I haven't spoken much, verbal communication is minimal, we don't argue, we live in the same household more as roommates rather than husband and wife, don't have any common interest, don't spend any private happy time together and we have been sexless for the past two years. As a matter of fact, we have been intimate only three times in the past five years. My wife is cold and whenever I attempt to initiate any type of intimate contact with her, she provides me with the usual responses such as she is busy, busy and more busy.

For the past five years, she has shown a great deal of interest with a gay male colleague. Although my wife and her friend don't work together, do not share patients and don't even live in the same city, her cellular phone records indicate that she has spoken to her male colleague a total of 4100 minutes over an eleven month period and most of these "professional work calls" have been placed outside of normal business hours. This does not even include phone calls placed on land lines. I just found out that she has had (secret) lunches with her friend on several occasion and on a recent out of town educational trip last month, both had dinner together at a bar/pub type of restaurant on four separate occasions. My wife always compares me to her friend and she wishes that I am more like him. When I have spoken to my wife that I believe that she has probably crossed the emotional affair line with her colleague, she assures me that she has never been sexually involved with her friend as he is gay and that she is just friends. Additionally, I just get this gut feeling that my wife is seeking emotional attention from her friend rather than from her husband and the energy that is lacking in our marriage is being spent on her friend. Most important to my situation, both my wife and her "friend" are psychologist (PhD's) and they both counsel other couples with their marriage issues. Both my wife and I will be seeking marriage counseling in the next few weeks and I really hope that we can work out our issues but I feel terrible as my wife should of had known better.


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

A "gay male friend". Really????

This is not the first time that excuse has been used to cover up what eventually ended up being a physical affair.

Has anyone, other than your wife, mentioned or told you he is gay?

She is definitely in an Emotional Affair with this guy.

She should be familiar with "Not Just Friends" by S. Glass. She should read it again. You also if you have not done so.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Her friend is not gay. That is just a ploy to through you off the scent. Keep digging. VAR her car if necessary.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You are right she is wrong, and counseling is a waste of time.

Time to ask her to choose between her marriage and this relationship.

As a counselor, she is 100% aware of the wrongness of what she is doing but it simply pretending otherwise.


----------



## funnyguy (Dec 9, 2015)

Thanks for your replies......

I have been friends with my wife's colleague and I can assure everyone that he is gay.
My issues is that although he is a gay male, he still has a penis!


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Sex / Gay doesn't matter. Sex is but one component of the emotional intimacy that defines marriage. Her close emotional relationshp with another person is blocking the function of your marriage.


----------



## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

funnyguy said:


> Thanks for your replies......
> 
> I have been friends with my wife's colleague and I can assure everyone that he is gay.
> My issues is that although he is a gay male, he still has a penis!


Sure he's not bisexual?


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

funnyguy said:


> Greetings-
> Long time reader and first thread. Respectfully asking for any advice or suggestions on my particular situation.
> 
> *Both My wife and I are 56 years old, professionals, with three grown children. For the past several years, my wife and I haven't spoken much, verbal communication is minimal, we don't argue, we live in the same household more as roommates rather than husband and wife, don't have any common interest, don't spend any private happy time together and we have been sexless for the past two years. As a matter of fact, we have been intimate only three times in the past five years. My wife is cold and whenever I attempt to initiate any type of intimate contact with her, she provides me with the usual responses such as she is busy, busy and more busy.*
> ...


There is a deeper problem here. Why are you still married to this woman?


----------



## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

OK he is definitely gay.

She is in an Emotional Affair with this guy. 

Extended time on the phone and texts outside of business hours.
Spending more time talking texting with him than she does you.
Discussing you and your marriage with him.
Secret in-person meetings that she hides from you.

These are all indicators of and emotional affair.

You did not say what your profession is. Assuming it is not the same as hers, you should Google "Emotional Affairs". Learn the signs. Educate yourself about what is going on and what standard excuses are used by the cheating spouse when questioned. Prepare for the MC.

VAR her car if she has one. 

It will not be easy to get her to admit any of this - because of her profession, she will have all the standard BS answers ready. Do not be gas-lighted by her. Do not let her sweep this under the rug or try to make it your fault. This is all on her.


----------



## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

technovelist said:


> There is a deeper problem here. Why are you still married to this woman?


And why, exactly, do you want to have sex with her?


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I know...

He's a male lesbian.


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> I know...
> 
> He's a male lesbian.


No, that's me: a lesbian trapped in a man's body.

That should be obvious, because I like to have sex with women! >


----------



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Tell your W to end the A, or you are going to contact everyone involved with her work (clients, management, peers) and inform them all that the marriage counselor is involved in infidelity/long term EA. You are not having sex so what do you have to lose?


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You aren't the first here to have a marriage broken upbe a gay male. In one case, the wife went to New York to see her boyfriend. By the time she figured out he was really gay, her husband had given up. The gay man enjoyed breaking up the family with kids.

You need to start thinking about exposing them. Does your children know?

One ploy that has shaken up the wayward is to get online and print off the standard divorce packet for your state and "accidently leave it where she will spot it.


----------



## DoneWithHurting (Feb 4, 2015)

Your W is not having sex with you because she is in love with her Gay male best friend.
Sex may or may not be on the table... but she is definitely in love with him and not you so much.

You need to get him out of your lives completely NC or you will be second fiddle forever.
You will be called controlling cause he is "just a friend". But you know he is more than that.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

funnyguy said:


> Although my wife and her friend don't work together, do not share patients and don't even live in the same city, her cellular phone records indicate that she has spoken to her male colleague a total of 4100 minutes over an eleven month period and most of these "professional work calls" have been placed outside of normal business hours. This does not even include phone calls placed on land lines. I just found out that she has had (secret) lunches with her friend on several occasion and on a recent out of town educational trip last month, both had dinner together at a bar/pub type of restaurant on four separate occasions. My wife always compares me to her friend and she wishes that I am more like him.


 You are right, as this is a textbook case of being an emotional affair.



funnyguy said:


> When I have spoken to my wife that I believe that she has probably crossed the emotional affair line with her colleague, she assures me that she has never been sexually involved with her friend as he is gay and that she is just friends.


 Notice how when you called it an emotional affair (EA), she changed the subject and told you that they were not "sexually involved"? An EA by definition means that they are not "sexually involved"; if they were "sexually involved" it would be a physical affair (PA). Most people in EAs use this trick to not accept responsibility for their cheating, and make no mistake about it, being in an EA is cheating. Another thing, cheater often claim that their affair partners are gay when they are in fact not gay. Also, remember that many people that are gay are in fact bisexual which means that your wife is a potential sex partner for him.



funnyguy said:


> I just get this gut feeling that my wife is seeking emotional attention from her friend rather than from her husband and the energy that is lacking in our marriage is being spent on her friend. Most important to my situation, both my wife and her "friend" are psychologist (PhD's) and they both counsel other couples with their marriage issues. Both my wife and I will be seeking marriage counseling in the next few weeks and I really hope that we can work out our issues but I feel terrible as my wife should of had known better.


 As a psychologist your wife knows what an EA is. Her switching subjects by telling you that they are not ""sexually involved" when you told her that she was in an EA was deliberately misleading since as a trained psychologist she knows the difference between an EA and a PA. She is in an EA and she knows it. She is using her skills as a trained psychologist to control the conversation away from having to address this with you in a fair and open way.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Have you ever called your wife to the carpet....for some whose job it is to help couples in their marriage she is a hypocrite......I would have so little respect for her.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

funnyguy said:


> I have been friends with my wife's colleague and I can assure everyone that he is gay.


 Since you are in a sexless marriage, her relationship with him sexually is no different than her relationship with you. The only difference is that she is far more emotionally connected to him than she is to you such that she even tells you that she wishes you were like him.

I have news for you. The fact is that for a number of reasons woman are the ones that have more options when they are young, men are the ones that have more options when they get to be your age. Somewhere out there is a woman that is probably younger than your wife, that would be glad to give you a marriage that includes sex, and that would be happy to be emotionally faithful to you. Such a woman would wake up thanking God that she found you in her life. Every day that you stay in marriage where your wife is in an emotional affair with someone else, is a day that you could be finding someone that wants to be married to you.


----------



## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Just because he's a psychologist, doesn't mean she's magically immune to affairs, emotional or otherwise. 

I don't know why you stay with her either. She has terrible boundaries. Also, many people with issues and crappy boundaries gravitate toward professional endeavors (doctors, psychologists, specialists, etc.) so that they can treat and put the focus on everyone else's problems but their own. It doesn't mean they aren't great at it, but it is just one more way to avoid that which applies to *everyone but them*. And... What kind of person exudes that kind of mentality? 

First letter is "c" and ends in "er."


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

If you two are living like roommates, not communicating, not intimate, no common interest, etc., why do you care? Maybe she feels like, "if he's happy rolling over and playing dead, doesn't mean I have to join him".


----------



## funnyguy (Dec 9, 2015)

I am sincerely trying to maintain our marriage as I have invested almost 30 years with my wife. And as silly as it sounds, I really don't want some "younger, better looking - gay- guy" just enter my life and walk-off with my wife from under my nose.

I have been a fighter all my life and I am not just going to roll-over and play dead.

My wife has already seen the new marriage counselor on her own last week and this Friday I see the marriage counselor on my own. After the holidays, we will both see the marriage counselor together and I hope that the new marriage counselor does just take my wife's side since they are from the "same barrel".


----------



## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Wait a minute. Your wife is counselor and she is doing this. I feel bad for people she is trying to help.

What is even worse you are counselor too and you dont do anything about this. 

You dont have sex with your wife,no intimicy at all,no talking with each other !!!

My friend you are in deep trouble and if you want to a good marriage and wife get rid of this guy. No more contact with him at all.

Second thing-go to some vacation with your wife and talk about what both of you want. 

It is clear to me that you are roomamtes and belive me you can find those with a lot cheaper prize.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

funnyguy said:


> I am sincerely trying to maintain our marriage as I have invested almost 30 years with my wife.


 She has to know that you are really wiling to end the marriage in order for you to have a chance at a marriage worth saving. 



funnyguy said:


> And as silly as it sounds, I really don't want some "younger, better looking - gay- guy" just enter my life and walk-off with my wife from under my nose.


 You do not sound silly, but emotionally some "gay- guy" has already entered your life and has walked-off with your wife right from under your nose. Since you are in a sexless marriage, you do not even have the advantage over him of your wife being your sexual partner. I am going to guess that your wife is also not meeting your need for non-sexual physical intimacy (touching, hand holding, etc.), while getting her non-sexual physical intimacy needs met by him. You are in love with a memory of the partner in life that she use to be to you. Reality says that she is now more his partner in life than yours. Read "His Needs, Your Needs" and you will see that she in not meeting your top needs as a male spouse.


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Going to counseling is not going to help this. 

First, she has to really want to reconcile. She doesn't.

Second, she has to want to admit that her relationship with this guy is inappropriate. She wont. 

Third, she needs to stop haranguing you and comparing you to him. She won't. 

Fourth, she needs to get off her high horse and lose the entitlement. Ain't gonna happen.....


File for divorce. You lost this battle long ago friend. Best you can do is pillage a few villages and steal the church idols on your retreat out of the country....


----------



## header (Nov 14, 2015)

The marriage is effectively dead, there's no sex, little to no communication, no affection- nothing.

So she seeks attention outside the marriage with a gay friend who she probably turns to for support since she's not getting it from her husband. Not seeing anything "wrong" with that, and I'm sure the problems in the marriage are not entirely caused by her.

If you want to fix things stop focusing on her friends and figure out where things went wrong. After all this time it's not going to be easy to fix if at all, but at least look in the right place. Its got nothing to do with her friend.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

header said:


> The marriage is effectively dead, there's no sex, little to no communication, no affection- nothing.
> 
> So she seeks attention outside the marriage with a gay friend who she probably turns to for support since she's not getting it from her husband. Not seeing anything "wrong" with that, and I'm sure the problems in the marriage are not entirely caused by her.
> 
> If you want to fix things stop focusing on her friends and figure out where things went wrong. After all this time it's not going to be easy to fix if at all, but at least look in the right place. Its got nothing to do with her friend.


 As long as she is in an emotional affair (EA) with this friend, the OP will have no chance to fix his marriage. The fact that they are having issues in their marriage does not give her the right to cheat by going into an EA. She should instead either put the energy that she is putting into her EA partner into working with her spouse on their marriage, or she should be honest and end the marriage.


----------



## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Going to counseling is not going to help this.
> 
> First, she has to really want to reconcile. She doesn't.
> 
> ...


^^ This, OP. Sorry. I know you want 'constructive' advice, but, in my opinion, the most constructive thing you can do is call a spade a spade, which in your case means that she has been in an EA for a long time & you have been replaced as the man she feels emotional intimacy with. I bet if you VARed her, you would hear them very comfortably discussing you and your many 'faults.' She is bonded with him, not you.

This sounds so far gone that your real choice is to embrace the doctrine of 'you have to be willing to lose it to save it.'

I frankly believe that all BS's should do this off the bat. It would save a huge amount of grief.


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

funnyguy said:


> I am sincerely trying to maintain our marriage as I have invested almost 30 years with my wife. And as silly as it sounds, I really don't want some "younger, better looking - gay- guy" just enter my life and walk-off with my wife from under my nose.
> 
> I have been a fighter all my life and I am not just going to roll-over and play dead.
> 
> My wife has already seen the new marriage counselor on her own last week and this Friday I see the marriage counselor on my own. After the holidays, we will both see the marriage counselor together and I hope that the new marriage counselor does just take my wife's side since they are from the "same barrel".


It is possible that your wife's relationship with the OM is simply one of conversation. Clearly she needs someone to talk to, and it isn't you. That's the problem here.

Now, why isn't it you? I suspect that there are other problems in your marriage that need attention.


----------



## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

funnyguy said:


> *I am sincerely trying to maintain our marriage as I have invested almost 30 years with my wife.* And as silly as it sounds, I really don't want some "younger, better looking - gay- guy" just enter my life and walk-off with my wife from under my nose.
> 
> I have been a fighter all my life and I am not just going to roll-over and play dead.
> 
> My wife has already seen the new marriage counselor on her own last week and this Friday I see the marriage counselor on my own. After the holidays, we will both see the marriage counselor together and I hope that the new marriage counselor does just take my wife's side since they are from the "same barrel".


Read this.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Years ago i had a friend. 

She was pregnant with twins.

Her husband left her for her best friend. Who was a lesbian who had a female lover.

Just because he is gay doesn't mean he will not play.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

It is possible that your wife wants intimate conversations but that she knows that with her husband intimate conversations lead to sex.

But what if her sex drive is now zero?

So she had intimate conversations with a gay man because she knows she will not have to rebuff his advances.

This is dreadfully unfair on you as this means YOU are the only one not getting anything from your marriage.

There are too many people in your marriage.

The gay man has to go. Or you have to let your wife go. Because it is possible that she has already gone in mind if not body. 

Some people think that it is wrong for a psychologist to cheat. 

Whilst their work mind knows cheating is wrong thst doesn't mean that they won't cheat. 

Doctors know taking illegal drugs or drinking too much alcohol is bad for you, police officers know stealing Is wrong.

Yet doctors often fall prey to addictions and police officers can fall victim to temptation. 

However I feel your wife MUST cut off all communications with her gay friend.

Besides which he may be bisexual so the idea of sex with your wife may not be a good idea at the moment. Unless you are both checked for STDs.

Is that being over cautious?

Yes. But nobody ever got an STD or HIV from being over cautious.

And it sends a powerful signal to your cheating spouse.

And just because the man she is having an EA with is gay, it doesn't mean the other man she could be having a PA with is gay.

It might be worth checking out the situation of your wife and her friend with their professional body and the licencing authority.

Do not let her get away with rugsweeping or apealing to authority. IE saying "I am not cheating physically so I am not cheating and I know this because I am a psychologist and my husband is not."

Good luck. 

By the way you might really need to be ready to let her go.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

funnyguy said:


> I have been friends with my wife's colleague and I can assure everyone that he is gay.


Maybe he's bisexual.... 

That would explain why he's been screwing your wife.

And I can assure you that he is.


----------



## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

It's an affair whether or not there is sex. She is being emotionally more intimate with her friend than with you. She spends more time conversing with him and likely more dinners etc with him.

I'd ask her if you two were her clients what advice would she give? I hope the counselor can help although I wonder why you have waited so long to address the lack of intimacy - it may be too late. She has her cake and is eating it too. She has marriage, stability, reliability... all of the physical comforts and psychological comforts of security. She has the fun of a companion (whether sexual or not). And she may not desire sex.

I hope the counseling session is helpful.


----------



## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

funnyguy said:


> I am sincerely trying to maintain our marriage as I have invested almost 30 years with my wife. And as silly as it sounds, I really don't want some "younger, better looking - gay- guy" just enter my life and walk-off with my wife from under my nose.
> 
> I have been a fighter all my life and I am not just going to roll-over and play dead.
> 
> ...


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Print this out and hand it to her. And then tell her if she doesn't give him up, you're moving on because you won't share your wife's affection with another man. And then refuse to get into her 'argument' that because he's gay it doesn't count. Reiterate only that you won't share your wife's affection.

At the same time, what are YOU doing to change the dynamics in your own relationship with her? What are her complaints? Are you fixing them?



> Here are some very telling signs that your so-called friendship is entering the not-so-gray area of emotional infidelity:
> 
> 1. You dress up for him. When you buy new clothes or change your hairstyle and wonder what he'll think (instead of how your partner will react) that's a danger sign. We all consider our audience when we're primping to go out, but doing so with a particular other in mind — not your significant other — suggests there's something more here than meets the eye. —Judith Tutin
> 
> ...


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> Maybe he's bisexual....
> 
> That would explain why he's been screwing your wife.
> 
> And I can assure you that he is.


I don't know that we can assure the OP of any such thing. Besides, that's not the problem. The problem is "why isn't the OP's wife communicating with him?"

As long as that's not resolved, the rest doesn't matter. She certainly seems to need to talk to her friend. So there seems to be plenty to talk about.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

sidney2718 said:


> I don't know that we can assure the OP of any such thing. Besides, that's not the problem.


I'm pretty sure sex with another man would be a big problem.

And if that's OP's deal breaker, then the only communication needed would be through his divorce attorney.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

funnyguy said:


> I am sincerely trying to maintain our marriage as I have invested almost 30 years with my wife. And as silly as it sounds, I really don't want some "younger, better looking - gay- guy" just enter my life and walk-off with my wife from under my nose.
> 
> I have been a fighter all my life and I am not just going to roll-over and play dead.
> 
> My wife has already seen the new marriage counselor on her own last week and this Friday I see the marriage counselor on my own. After the holidays, we will both see the marriage counselor together and I hope that the new marriage counselor does just take my wife's side since they are from the "same barrel".


My wife is a psychologist, too. We tried marriage counseling but it failed quickly. She played all the tricks of using jargon with the counselor, buddying up to him by using their shared profession, tried to undermine my position by subtly pathologizing me, etc.

If your wife is serious about participating in MC it can go fine. But be ready to call her out if she starts playing games. Hopefully the MC will see her tactics and call her out on it, too.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

funnyguy said:


> Thanks for your replies......
> 
> I have been friends with my wife's colleague and I can assure everyone that he is gay.


No, you can't. I can't tell you how many men and women I've worked with or friends who have had one or two encounters out of their so called sexual norm.

Either way, if it is affecting you and the marriage it needs to stop.


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

funnyguy, are you a psychologist or counselor of some kind yourself?

Anyhow, 20 years ago my wife had an inappropriate friendship with a lesbian psychologist who worked at the same practice. The other woman was living with her partner. I don't know to what extent my wife's relationship went to with this woman, but it was too emotionally close and involved far too much time. I think your wife's relationship is in the same place.

Women seem to view gay men as very safe because they won't be seeking sex, and since they aren't women there isn't that catty competition either. I think it entirely possible your wife has a strong non-sexual love affair going on with this guy, aka EA. She may have sexual feelings for him, too, yet doesn't have to act them out. If her sex drive is low, she might be happy to have the passing sexual thoughts without needing to pursue a PA.

Does your wife have any trauma history? That could be playing a role, too.


----------



## funnyguy (Dec 9, 2015)

Hello and I genuinely and sincerely appreciate all the positive and negative advise provided so far.

Today I had an initial consultation with the psychologist / marriage counselor without my wife as she saw him last week on her own. Although I was fearful the psychologist would immediately side with my wife, in all honesty he appeared very fair and strongly suggested that he believes that based upon the information both my wife and I provided him that """ "possibly"""" my wife crossed the line / professional boundaries with her gay psychologist friend. ( WOW - It only took some dude with a PHD to figure that out in 90 minutes. Anyways I plan on having a meeting with my wife this weekend and attempt to determine how far she wants to take this Bul*Sh*t she has been trying to shove down my throat that she is only friends with this guy.

In all honesty, If my wife would just acknowledge that she did wrong and apologize for her indiscretions, I would love to move on and put this behind us and hopefully build this marriage. As long as my wife still believes that she is completely innocent then it may be time for me to move on without her. 

I'll Let you guys know ---


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

funnyguy said:


> Hello and I genuinely and sincerely appreciate all the positive and negative advise provided so far.
> 
> Today I had an initial consultation with the psychologist / marriage counselor without my wife as she saw him last week on her own. Although I was fearful the psychologist would immediately side with my wife, in all honesty he appeared very fair and strongly suggested that he believes that based upon the information both my wife and I provided him that """ "possibly"""" my wife crossed the line / professional boundaries with her gay psychologist friend. ( WOW - It only took some dude with a PHD to figure that out in 90 minutes. Anyways I plan on having a meeting with my wife this weekend and attempt to determine how far she wants to take this Bul*Sh*t she has been trying to shove down my throat that she is only friends with this guy.
> 
> ...


Stay calm, but firm.
Don't put up with any gaslighting.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

If it doesn't change regarding the sexless marriage I don't know how MC will change this.
He the "gay" guy has to be out of the picture.
4100 minutes and all those meetups and no sex?
Really???


----------



## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Maybe he's bisexual....
> 
> That would explain why he's been screwing your wife.
> 
> And I can assure you that he is.


I am thinking this as a possibility as well


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Thor said:


> My wife is a psychologist, too. We tried marriage counseling but it failed quickly. She played all the tricks of using jargon with the counselor, buddying up to him by using their shared profession, tried to undermine my position by subtly pathologizing me, etc.
> 
> If your wife is serious about participating in MC it can go fine. But be ready to call her out if she starts playing games. Hopefully the MC will see her tactics and call her out on it, too.


How did you react to this? Did you point out to them what they were doing?

Sounds like condescension and patronizing from them both.

You should have asked the counselor if he was sure he was qualified to counsel another counselor. It looks like you let yourself be played.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Gay people don't always stay gay. Straight people don't always stay straight.

Tell your wife your thinking about finding some lesbian friends.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW, Google signs of an emotional affair. Check off those that apply to your wife and go over it with her. Ask her which ones you missed.

Get the book NOT JUST FRIENDS.


----------



## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

BTW# . How long has your sex life been like this? Was she ever really into sex?


----------



## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Chaparral said:


> How did you react to this? Did you point out to them what they were doing?
> 
> Sounds like condescension and patronizing from them both.
> 
> You should have asked the counselor if he was sure he was qualified to counsel another counselor. It looks like you let yourself be played.


I think he was a good counselor. We bailed after the 3rd session when my wife was not bothering to do the homework.

He seemed to understand my wife really fast. He seemed to understand she is brittle, where she puts up a strong front but will break into a million pieces if stressed too far. He wasn't coddling her or spending time talking shop with her, but he wasn't shutting her down too hard either. He seemed to be trying to walk a fine line not to scare her away.

My IC thought the MC was handling it well, and also thought the MC was seeing through my wife's behavior given the MCs reactions.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Thor said:


> My wife is a psychologist, too. We tried marriage counseling but it failed quickly. She played all the tricks of using jargon with the counselor, buddying up to him by using their shared profession, tried to undermine my position by subtly pathologizing me, etc.
> 
> If your wife is serious about participating in MC it can go fine. But be ready to call her out if she starts playing games. Hopefully the MC will see her tactics and call her out on it, too.


My wife refused MC. She had two reasons. She didn't want her fellow psychologists to know all her business. Plus she said: "I don't think it would be particularly fair on you. Two psychologists against you!"


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

funnyguy said:


> Hello and I genuinely and sincerely appreciate all the positive and negative advise provided so far.
> 
> Today I had an initial consultation with the psychologist / marriage counselor without my wife as she saw him last week on her own. Although I was fearful the psychologist would immediately side with my wife, in all honesty he appeared very fair and strongly suggested that he believes that based upon the information both my wife and I provided him that """ "possibly"""" my wife crossed the line / professional boundaries with her gay psychologist friend. ( WOW - It only took some dude with a PHD to figure that out in 90 minutes. Anyways I plan on having a meeting with my wife this weekend and attempt to determine how far she wants to take this Bul*Sh*t she has been trying to shove down my throat that she is only friends with this guy.
> 
> ...


It took him 90 minutes, huh?

It took us 90 seconds! 

But we don't charge by the minute!


----------



## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

It is simple my friend. Get rid of this "gay" friend. If your wife refuses to do it then you have your answer.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

funnyguy said:


> Although I was fearful the psychologist would immediately side with my wife, in all honesty he appeared very fair and strongly suggested that he believes that based upon the information both my wife and I provided him that """ "possibly"""" my wife crossed the line / professional boundaries with her gay psychologist friend. ( WOW - It only took some dude with a PHD to figure that out in 90 minutes.


 The psychologist's positions that your wife may have "possibly" "crossed the line / professional boundaries with her gay psychologist friend" will be viewed as a victory by your wife, because it means that your wife may "possibly" not have crossed the line. If you read other infidelity threads on this site, you will see that cheaters always require that their spouse view the cheater's possible version of everything as if were the truth unless proven wrong beyond 100% doubt. Your psychologist is not going to give you that, thus your cheating wife will view him as agreeing with her. The psychologist's weak position is worse than no position at all.

You do not need your wife's permission to acknowledge to yourself that what she is doing is cheating, and for you to take appropriate action unless she stops.


----------



## where_are_we (May 24, 2013)

I'm so sorry you are here OP.

As for the "I can assure you he is gay." No, you can't. 

I have been propositioned by gay men before. Once I was even invited to have a threesome with a gay couple. 

I said NO if you are wondering!


----------



## thomasgate44 (May 31, 2016)

Nice post,Everyone , I just thought I’d let you know you can have a talented hacker get your jobs done for you(whatsapp,viber,texts,Facebook,monitor calls) , whatever you need done , reach him on cyberhacktivist1 AT gmail DOT com , , if you realize you have a cheating partner and just want to be more sure about the affair , he will get whatever you need done for you , he helped me once , i couldn’t be more grateful, i fell in love with an unfaithful man having TWO affairs, you can imagine how sickening that is, this fella helped me know about it all, reach him for whatever you need done. let him know thomas told you
r4


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

How are things, OP?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Maxo (Mar 8, 2016)

funnyguy said:


> Thanks for your replies......
> 
> I have been friends with my wife's colleague and I can assure everyone that he is gay.
> My issues is that although he is a gay male, he still has a penis!


It would not matter if this was a woman friend. Fact is that your wife is not investing squat in your marriage and you might want to consider jettisoning her before you get too much older. A 56 year old male is fairly marketable , if you want to date etc.
OTOH, a single 56 year old man with decent income can travel, play golf, explore the world without the aggravation caused by having a wife like this along.
Until I met my girlfriend, who is really fun and nice, I had a ton of good times traveling etc. on my own.


----------



## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I am ready to be shot down here. Oddly, this is a rare case where Macho McCoy would have a point (not that I am calling him).

This marriage has been a corpse for five years apparently. If the worst thing that has happened since then is her having a close friendship/EA with a male colleague then that is impressive. They both lack anyone to be emotionally intimate with an if a gay colleague seemed like a safe outlet, I can sympathize.

The EA seems to be a relatively minor issue, or at least only the latest. What happened five years ago, what lifestyles have they led for the last five years and leading up to the time when they were no longer close? Were there troubles before then?


----------

