# What is everybodys custody situation with ex partner?



## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

Reason I am asking is my STBXW is a nurse who works night shift. The hospital she works at has a vax mandate so many of the nurses quit or got fired. So she is working 4 nights a week mostly (530PM-530AM). I have our daughter, who is 18M, the nights she works. So during work week, i get pick her up after work and then on the weekends i have her full time if she is working. Just wondering if anyone else has this kind of custody schedule? Do the kids do well going back and forth constantly? So far, its going pretty well but its a pretty big inconvience to me as I have to work my schedule (personal and work) around my ex wifes schedule. Im not complaining by any means but it is kind of the truth. There are times I would like to work OT at my job so I can make some extra money but I usually cant because of her schedule. It really restricts my availablity at work for after hours/weekends. I have no help around me because my parents do not live near me so I cant have anyone watch her if I wanted to stay over at work. Would it be better to do something like a week on week off schedule? I really enjoy seeing her so much, there are times I do not see her for 3 days and I end up missing her terribly. So going a week without seeing her would be hard. What are some of your schedules you have with your children?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Could your wife work more regular hours? Does she have family who could help out say one day week?


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## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

She likes to work nights but maybe eventually she will go to working day shift. But that will not be for at least a few years. She does have family (her mom) and even an older daughter who could help once in awhile but I do not like to ask them for help unless I absolutely have to. I make a decent living by myself but the real money is working overtime so its just frustrating at times.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Normal in the US these days is 50/50 joint custody where it's not constant going back and forth because you have the children for three and a half days in a row and then exchange and then the other spouse has them for three and a half in a row. And then it is up to each spouse to arrange their own child care or pickups or whatever when they have the child regardless of the inconvenience to career. There have been enough single mothers over time who had to do it all and managed to get it done that the courts know it can be done with some effort.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MattOly94 said:


> She likes to work nights but maybe eventually she will go to working day shift. But that will not be for at least a few years. She does have family (her mom) and even an older daughter who could help once in awhile but I do not like to ask them for help unless I absolutely have to. I make a decent living by myself but the real money is working overtime so its just frustrating at times.


You don't need to ask she should ask.


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## A18S37K14H18 (Dec 14, 2021)

*What is everybodys custody situation with ex partner?*

Our three children are all in their 20's.

We divorced when they were younger and I had them most of the time. He had them on his weekends and a couple of weeks here and there.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

My ex works 3 12s a week. It generally varies week to week. We just try to have roughly equal time and make sure the kids have enough supervision. We're flexible and understanding about work demands (she's a nurse as well) and it works itself out.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Normal in the US these days is 50/50 joint custody where it's not constant going back and forth because you have the children for three and a half days in a row and then exchange and then the other spouse has them for three and a half in a row. And then it is up to each spouse to arrange their own child care or pickups or whatever when they have the child regardless of the inconvenience to career. There have been enough single mothers over time who had to do it all and managed to get it done that the courts know it can be done with some effort.


This poster has spouted this misinformation before. No, the norm isn't each parent has the kids for "three and a half days in a row" that's absurd!!!!!

Some do one week on, one week off, or a very common schedule is the 5 2 2 5 schedule which you can google (one parent has the kids every Monday and Tuesday, the other every Wednesday and Thursday, then you alternate Friday Saturday and Sunday. So when it's your weekend you have them for a 5 day run. It's nice because it's predictable and you don't ever go a full week without seeing them. 

And of course there are tons of families that have other kinds of schedules depending on work schedules, etc. 

And contrary to what that poster wrote, you sure can work together at childcare, etc. 

If her schedule is getting in the way of your overtime, though, she needs to work with you to figure something out. It's not fair for her hours to take precedence over yours forever.


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