# Separated for just over month and Anniversary is Saturday.



## MrPink (May 23, 2012)

This may sound weird but....

We've only been separated for a month. Shuttle separation - we take turns staying at home with the kids and occasionally both stay at home but in different rooms. 

I am the one that wants to get back together REALLY bad, and she is the one that is just not sure she will be happy with me any longer after 18 years. It's not that I'm an ass or anything, just more of a personality differences that she has over the years kept in, and it just takes a lot for her to get to this point but she is pretty serious about it to the point of really considering divorce.

Anyway, our anniversary is this weekend and she has agreed to go out with me for a date. Of course it is not a "rebuild" date or anything, just kind of like she feels obligated since it is our 11th anniversary and just see how it goes.

I feel like it's our last date together or something and I'm worried it will all go wrong since there is so much awkwardness since she is not willing to get back with me AT ALL! 

I have never been good at planning our dates and they usually end up boring to her. So I'm kinda not sure how this is going to go, what do we do, what do we talk about?

She is just leaving it up to me to be creative.

Any input on this? suggestions?


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

You sound a lot like me and my situation. My anni was May 25th (7 year, 14 together) and my wife filed April 10th. I just told her "I know it doesn't matter anymore but Happy anni! & I didn't get you anything." Then I hugged her. I was trying to guilt her honestly but she didn't even care.

I just posted how people jump to the drop her mentality but honestly if you are like me and your post reads like you are, your wife is checked out and just making arrangements to go. Sorry.

So My answer to your post would be to plan a date you want and if she likes it great if not too bad. sorry again.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

I suggest actually not going on a date with her. Why? Well, when you visualize the evening, do you feel safe? Loved? Like she wants to spend time with you? You state that she feels "obligated", hence my line of questioning. I know full well how difficult it is to get through a special day like an anniversary or spouse's birthday when newly separated. My husband left 9 weeks ago and I have not heard from him for the last 6. What you are going through is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. However, I do not see this as a true opportunity for you to "win her back" -- do you? Does she?


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

my divorce petition arrived on my 10th wedding anniversary - oh the irony!

personally I wouldn't do the date - it's likely to be pretty tortuous, particularly if she feels obligated

get her a card and a bunch of flowers if you must and then go and do something else


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Mr. Pink, sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself -- So, with everything that you guys are going through, you also feel like you have to present her with the Perfect Date? Now, really, what are the odds of that happening? You're going to end up feeling worse about yourself.

I'd get her a card and flowers, like Dolly said, but if you do want to go out, go low key. Don't make any extra efforts at all. Even if you come up with the bestest date of all time, she is likely to think, "oh, great, _now_ he tries. Now that it's too late, _now_ he tries." (I'm female, yes, we do think this way.)

I'm not saying it's too late for you, btw, but I am saying that this is not the way. Hang in there, friend.


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