# old timer: Separation Journal



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Monday 1-7-2012

This will be my last post from this house for who knows how long. 
Could be forever, but I hope not.

My story in a nutshell: Me: 59 W 52. 24 year marriage. Second time around for both of us. 6 kids - 3 of mine and 3 of hers - both from first marriages. I adopted her kids over 20 yrs ago. They have all moved on, 4 of the 6 have their own families. 8 grandchildren.

Roughly 5 years ago, I began an A, and emotionally detached from my W. This A was never discovered. About 2 years ago, having no emotional support from me, she began an online EA which eventually led to PA. OM lives in Europe. He visited here 3 times in 2012, and W met up w/ him.

I found out about her A, played the "holier than thou card" (because my A had not been found out), and moved out, saying I wanted D. Four weeks of being w/ OW constantly showed me there was no future there. Whether it's jealousy or whatever, that's when I ended my A, went NC w/ OW and came back home. 

Eventually told my W of my A, and we began a shaky R, but I trickle-truthed her for 3 weeks, until the whole story finally came out (five years and caring about OW). All progress we were making toward R was wiped out and it appears she resumed her online A w/ OM.

After a few heated arguments, she wants me to leave. I don't want to go, but she is understandably afraid of what my next "confession of the week" will be, has her online A going for support, and has grown to resent my being in the house. Says she doesn't even like the way I stir my coffee, lol, and "needs some time". 

For the record - I do carry a great deal of guilt about having emotionally detached from her and carrying on a five year A. So telling her to stop "cold turkey" her online contact w/ OM is hard for me. She and OM are scheduled for a meetup in late January. Obviously, I hope she decides not to go, and have told her so, but I am leaving that choice up to her. What I will do if she does meetup is undecided at this point. Unless you have been the cheater in a LTM, there is no way you can understand my thinking on this.

I am reluctantly moving out. Neither of us intends to file for D at this time.

Flame away if you must about both mine and my W's actions, but what is done is done, and we cannot unring the bell. I realize that R can never happen unless both of us are on board, so we'll see if her A withers and she will consider R. I will continue IC and working to make myself a better person for either this or any future relationship. 

I do not intend to become involved w/ anyone else until this is resolved, and we begin R or decide to D. Considering my impulsive nature, this will be a real challenge for me.

Please indulge me as I use this forum as a journal to document what happens over the next few months.

OT


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Completed the move Monday 1-7-13. 

Had a talk w/ W before leaving to confirm our "rules of engagement". I asked if she wanted me to just not contact her at all, she said "No, I don't want it to be that way. I just need some time." I had been feeling her resentment growing over the past couple of weeks. I told her she probably didn't even like the way I stirred my coffee. That did get a chuckle out of her but she seemed to agree.

Felt pretty emotional all day, watched the BCS Championship game, and drank WAY more than I should have. It helped dull the pain, but I felt like crap Tuesday AM. Didn't accomplish as much as I'd planned. (messed up a phone jack for my modem, and had a devil's time finding a replacement). 

Youngest son called, asking if I wanted to meet him for a bit. We had dinner and couple beers - went "home" and went to bed.

Up early this AM (Wed 1-9-12) went to the gym earlier than usual so as to avoid W. We've been riding in to gym together for several months. Came back, fixed the phone jack and got my desktop and all the stuff hooked up.

Going to play poker with friends tonight. They're a fun bunch, and really lift my spirits. I forget about my troubles at home for a few hours.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So, are you allowing her A to continue because of guilt over your own?

Are you and your wife 'allowed' to have sex with other people during this separation?


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So, are you allowing her A to continue because of guilt over your own?
> 
> Are you and your wife 'allowed' to have sex with other people during this separation?


She will not stop the A, and there is no way I can force her to.

I don't intend to get into any relationship, but what she does in that regard is entirely up to her. Not much I can do to control that.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

You can force it to no longer be an affair, by divorcing her.

Why do you want to continue in a relationship with someone who refuses to stop cheating on you? There must be guilt there because of what you did to her. I just cannot wrap my head around it otherwise. You've given her your permission to screw other guys here.

You're right, you cannot control her actions. but you can control your reactions to her actions. By letting her call the shots about your relationship, and not divorcing her, you're giving her permission to cheat.

When she says she needs time, she's keeping you on the back burner for when her AP bails on her. Don't be her Plan B. You should either be Plan A or nothing to her.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hope - yes I do carry a great deal of guilt about my affair.
It was over 5 yrs long, and only ended about 3 mos ago. 

OM lives in another country, and right now the A is online.

She has plans to meet him later this month. If that happens, I will file for divorce.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Good day. paid apartment rent, had a nice lunch solo, and met a friend for a couple of beers.

Home and hitting the sack. Going to the gym early in the AM


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Well, whadaya know. W came up and gave me a kiss this AM at the gym. 

Hmmmmm
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

old timer said:


> Well, whadaya know. W came up and gave me a kiss this AM at the gym.
> 
> Hmmmmm
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So?? Why on earth would you let her do this?? She is SO using you.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So?? Why on earth would you let her do this?? She is SO using you.


Maybe so, but I will be the judge of that, Hope.

Thanks for your input, though


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Went out for dinner solo and then to my son's club to have a couple of drinks and listen to the band. Stayed out a bit later and had a few more drinks than I intended, so today (Sat) has been just been a lazy day.

Hit the sack early. Maybe make the early service at church tomorrow.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Terrible toothache last night - went to bed about midnight, didn't get to sleep until at least 3AM. The toothache would usually go away if I stood up for a couple of minutes. It seemed at times to hurt on an upper tooth, then a bottom tooth, and sometimes both upper and lower seemed to hurt simultaneously. WTF? Ended up taking 6 Advil PM, and slept OK. Toothache gone when I woke up this AM. Went to church, but didn't make the early service.

Had lunch with a female friend and her daughter and then went to check out a car she was considering buying. Good thing, too - would've been a bad buy - too many problems (actually broke down during our test drive).

She's attractive, and in a way, I was testing myself to see if I could be around an attractive woman and not "put the make" on her, which has been my natural behavior over the years, and caused me so many problems. 

Although I did think about it, I held my tongue when a couple of opportunities for sexual innuendo presented themselves.

Admittedly, I could see myself enjoying her company if things don't work out at home.

Had dinner w/ Mom tonight. Tooth is just a dull thud right now, thanks to a couple of pills and powders. Gonna hit the dentist in the AM. I'll likely wind up at the endodontist tomorrow. 

I love root canals. 

Three good things that happened today:
1. Heard a wonderful message from a visiting pastor
2. Had lunch w/ a delightful 10 y.o. Since all my kids are grown - I'd have forgotten how much fun they are at this age.
3. Dinner and conversation w/ my 82 y.o. mother.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Went to gym this AM. Had good workout. An hour on the bike, and some weights for rehab on my bad knee (Had knee surgery over a yr ago, but didn't rehab properly and now I'm playing catch-up).

Waited for W after her class - asked her to have a cup of coffee w/ me. She accepted. If she hadn't I was OK w/ that possibility, too. Ended up having breakfast together, talked and laughed a bit. 

Went to my dentist about toothache, referred to endodontist. 
(I pretty much expected that).

Root canal early this afternoon. Not hurting anymore. 
The Lortab 10's and steroids probably help.
And the vodka. 

About to have some spaghetti...eating better than I have in months. Bulking up a bit w/ the exercise. Gonna hit the weight room a bit harder this week. Hopefully the weather will clear up so I can walk outside. I hate walking inside - just won't do it. 

Three good things that happened today:
1. Lady @ gym asked me: "Do you know God loves you?"
I answered, "Yes - but thank you for reminding me".
2. Had breakfast w/ a good friend
3. Root Canal 
Yep, I'm not hurting anymore.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Well, after my post last night, W tells me online that she's planning on going to meet OM next week.

My reply:
_"I don't want you to, and truly wish you didn't feel like you have to go.But, I love you. I want you to be happy. If going to meet Mr. xxxxxx makes you happy, then please go. Goodbye."_

Decided to go dark - time to protect my own heart. Met w/ IC early this AM, she agreed that was the best thing to do. 

Unfortunately, since we've been in business together for the last 22 years, going completely dark is going to be difficult if not impossible - at least until we get these insurance claims finished. 

I had to go to the house today to get an insurance policy to complete a Proof of Loss for a claim. Just went in, announced my presence, and told her why I was there. Asked her if she had done the part of the claim for which she is responsible (inventory loss) - she said she had forgotten about it, but picked up the pertinent paperwork and left the room. Told her I had found what was needed and left w/ no reply. Pretty clean.

Three good things that happened today: 
1. Good IC session
2. Had lunch with my son
3. No drama when I stopped by the house


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

So last night, in an alcohol-induced moment of weakness, I sent W an online message asking her not to go on her trip next week.

This AM, I wonder what I will do if she answers positively? I feel like the proverbial dog chasing the car - what will I do with it if I catch it?

She hasn't answered in any way, and I'm actually relieved.

I think she will be better at this NC thing than me, lol


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I do not understand why you are putting yourself through this. Be done with her. The only reason she isn't done with you is because you're plan B - she knows if things don't work out with OM she has you to come running back to. Till the next time someone else catches her eye.

Your response to her should have been "Do what you want to, but know that if you do go meet with him, I am filing for divorce". Any other reply is enabling her!!


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Thursday 1/17/13

Not much going on today.

It snowed.
I worked out.
Hitting the sack early.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

i don't think you even want her back old timer or know why your even chasing that car you mentioned.

you've moved out with no problems it seems at all really. your seeing people , still doing all your stuff , sussing out the women and - you had a 5 yr affair .
so why the 5 yr affair - you weren't happy at home . but now you want home again.

old timer here's my take.
forget the wife for awhile , leave her to do what she wants.
instead , stay in the flat for awhile now that your there , and give what you "really " want , a chance to surface .

i don't think you've really even wanted to be married to her for a long time.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I agree with the others OT,why waste your time and energy trying to get back with the wife.
Wouldnt it be better if you poured that time and energy into a new relationship with someone else?
Just seems like there is way too much baggage in your marriage now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hawk/calvin: you both raise valid points. 
I am mentally processing all of this now, and being away from the W does seem to give me some clarity. 

As to whether I'd rather invest the time and energy into this M or use it in a new relationship, I'm torn about this. Having 24 yrs invested in this one makes me think I would rather invest the time and energy into this M. I feel (and my W feels the same) that we had a good relationship overall. For me, the lack of sex made me want to stray. For her, my lack of emotional involvement made her not want to have sex. It's a vicious circle that I never really "got". Not justifying my cheating, I should have handled it differently. 

She was in the throes of perimenopause 5 yrs ago. We've never been good communicators, and even though I'm a pretty smart guy - I was clueless. If I had known what her emotional state was 5 yrs ago, I would have handled it differently. This feeds my guilt. 

From a strictly practical view, our lives are so entwined with jointly owned property and such, that a D is going to be very messy, and cost us both a wad of money. (not just a couple of grand, serious money). Because of some ongoing legal matters, we will have to deal w/ each other going forward whether we want to or not. We also have 6 children and 8 GC, so we would have to deal w each other in that regard as well. I know, I know - I should've thought about this before cheating, but I didn't - I only thought of myself. 

So - one day I think we should work it out, and the next day I think we should call it quits and let the chips fall where they may. 

I do realize that R cannot happen w/o both of us being 100% on board, so it's not just my decision - unlike my decision to cheat. 

So this is where I am. Don't get me wrong, I caused this situation and will have to deal w the fallout either way. For me, the decision of which way to go is a bit more complicated in my mind than it may be in yours. 

Thanks for your input.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

yea i know don't worry , it's as tough as it fkg gets i know it and so complicated . not as long for us or the kids and so much other stuff but 18yrs, married 12, one young daughter .

but the thing is , shouldn't we be hearing love for her and the marriage , but it's all the extras . that'd be a real worry to me because it's such a big responsibility trying again.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

How ya haning OT?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Finer than frog's hair, Calvin.

Went out last night, surrounded myself with friends and friendly, attractive ladies. Had a few drinks, and slept in this AM.

About to head out again, actually.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Had a pleasant evening, got home a bit later than I intended, but still got up and made it to church today. That always makes me feel better.

Found out today that I am going to be a volunteer worker for the Super Bowl in New Orleans. I'll have to make an extra trip down next weekend for orientation - but hey - it's the Super Bowl, and I'll never get another chance to do this. Looks like I'm gonna be working in one of the team locker rooms. 

I'm pumped about this!

three good things today:
1.Talked with some caring friends in my church family
2. had a great workout at the gym
3. Found out I'm going to the Super Bowl woot-woot


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Zanne said:


> Old timer, I am as curious as the others about your true reason for R. I understand your practical views. I wonder if you find it a challenge of sorts? Or perhaps you are trying to set things right.
> 
> Regardless, you know you can't control your wife's decision regarding the OM. You mentioned that you would file for D if the rendezvous happened. Did your wife ever reply to you about her intentions? And no drunk messaging next time! Weak moment indeed.
> 
> ...


Reason for R? I love her, and yes - I'd like to set things right. 

Let's get one thing straight: I'm not lying around the house wallowing in sorrow and despair. If she decides to come around and commit to R, I'm in. If she doesn't, then I will deal with it. I'm preparing for either option. I have a very large circle of supportive friends and family. I have my health, thank God. Of course, it will hurt - but it will not consume or define my life. 

I made mistakes - she made mistakes. We both have to deal with the fallout.

We weren't officially separated at the time I was coming and going at the house. Now, I call before I go over there, as a courtesy. One thing to remember, however - it is just as much my house as hers, if she doesn't answer the phone, and I urgently need something from the house - I will go get it. But I do call ahead now.

Says she's going to meet OM. Oh well. 

As far as the "kiss"? It was a WTF moment for me, too, lol. :scratchhead:
I didn't read too much into it. She's a confused woman right now.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Super Bowl?
You lucky doga,
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Yep, I worked the NCAA Final Four there in March. I am friends w/ a couple in NOLA. He is a City Bldg Inspector, and she works big events such as this. She's pretty much in charge of selecting the volunteers and assigning their duties. Pretty sweet deal. 

I've never been to a Super Bowl. I'm hoping to work one of the team locker rooms, but it really doesn't matter where she puts me, my volunteer credentials allow me to go almost anywhere in the Dome. So, it will better than having a ticket actually.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Run out onto the field naked in the 2nd quater so we all can have a good look at you OT,you'll be famous here on tams!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

If you knew my reputation around these parts, calvin, you'd know that is def NOT out of the question.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Lol!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Headed to New Orleans...

OT over and out.

:smthumbup:


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Sat. 1/27/13

Taking quite a few pics. 
Won't be able to share them til I get back on the home puter, though. 

Hung out in a lil bar at the edge of the "Quarter" last night on Frenchman St.
Mainly local college crowd (Tulane, Loyola, Xavier). 
I'm in my element. Love hanging out w/ the youngsters.

About to have Bloody Marys and go see a couple of parades. 

.
Posted via Mobile Device
[Edit] [Reply] [!!]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Have a good time OT,I still hate you. 
I'm jealous!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

old timer said:


> Roughly 5 years ago, I began an A, and emotionally detached from my W. This A was never discovered.
> 
> *Unless you have been the cheater in a LTM*, there is no way you can understand my thinking on this.
> 
> Flame away if you must about both mine and my W's actions, but what is done is done, and we cannot unring the bell.


Hi

So...I am wondering if you now stopped contacting your AP whom you say you CARED FOR over the years? I am curious because your Wife is now seeing OM and nothing will stop you from re-establishing the A?

Out of curiosity, sorry I don't mean to be too nosey...did you do more than just having sex with your AP such as going out together for meals etc (more like dating), giving gifts etc? 

Am I correct to assume that you realized that you loved your Wife after all?


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Omegaa said:


> Hi
> 
> So...I am wondering if you now stopped contacting your AP whom you say you CARED FOR over the years? I am curious because your Wife is now seeing OM and nothing will stop you from re-establishing the A?
> 
> ...


No prob, Omegaa. 

Actually, by mutual agreement, the A had ended with OW a couple of months before discovering my W's affair. 
After I found out about my Wife's A, OW and I got back together for a couple of weeks. 

OW and I both realized I wasn't totally committed to her (OW), and pretty much said: "you need to go work things out with your wife". That was abt 2 mos ago and we've been NC ever since. 

Now, W is on holiday w/ OM (this is a complete [email protected], I know, lol) and of course, I think of OW. However, other than two business calls, we've still maintained NC. 

A mere 3 week separation has given me some clarity, and even though I DO love my wife, I'm not sure that we should continue. She has given me a "crash course" in "not caring", and I am preparing myself for life with or without her. 

What will life bring? I do not know. I've put it in God's hands. He'll figure it out, I'm pretty sure. 

As for now...I'm in New Orleans, went to some uptown Mardis Gras parades today, and about to head to the French Quarter w some young friends. 

Life is good for this middle-aged white boy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> No prob, Omegaa.
> 
> Actually, by mutual agreement, the A had ended with OW a couple of months before discovering my W's affair.
> After I found out about my Wife's A, OW and I got back together for a couple of weeks.
> ...


lmao...ok 'old timer' ...middle aged white boy... how old are you? 

yes I'm asking... I roll like that.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> lmao...ok 'old timer' ...middle aged white boy... how old are you?
> 
> yes I'm asking... I roll like that.


Fiddy-nine on Christmas Eve, my dear. 

These 30/40-something y.o. whiney-azz guys here should hope to look this good at my age. 

Just sayin
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

OT your a classic , strong minded ****** too ! Real blessing scuse the pun - at a time like this .

Good luck .


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

old timer said:


> *OW and I both realized I wasn't totally committed to her (OW), *and pretty much said: "you need to go work things out with your wife". That was abt 2 mos ago and we've been NC ever since.
> 
> Now, W is on holiday w/ OM (this is a complete [email protected], I know, lol) and of course, I think of OW. However, other than two business calls, we've still maintained NC.
> 
> ...


Hi

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

I was wondering re. the nature of your relationship with your OW. It sounds far more than just a "special friend with benefits" when your OW is raising the issue of "commitment" to you? 

5 years really is also such a long time! I guess your OW knew that you were married so if her "relationship" didn't work out, then OW has only herself to blame.. She must be a very strong woman to continue loving someone who doesn't officially belong to her.

As for your Wife's A, it sounds more like a fling. Perhaps, she wanted some romance and love (passion) injected in her own miserable life as she was deprived of having these over so many years? Who can blame her at this point..?

A. always make one's marriage impoverished in so many levels and BS do suffer deeply and marriage gets damaged irrevocably in the end. Perhaps, your W realized that her marriage had gone awry beyond repair after all this? 

It's interesting that you kept going back to OW every time things get tough with your Wife. My WS had done something similar over the course of his long-term A. However, you are sending a message to your wife that you are not strong enough to fight to save this marriage. Your wife must have realized that you'll always have your "backup" waiting for you if R won't materialize. So you are not 100% committed for her.

I think it's best to stay away from OW when you had made your firm commitment for R. Re-contacting her in a down patch, really is a kiss of death for your already seriously ailing marriage. But the problem is, she's not really fighting for R either. Time will tell. Hope things get better somehow.

Glad to hear you had a great time in New Orleans! 

Take care!


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Back from N.O. Last night. Have to take care of some biz and headed back down Friday AM. 

I'm liking it a lot there. Possibly found a new home. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Sounds like a nice vacation OT
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Get home to find out my MIL is in bad shape. She's been under hospice care for several months. 

She is a good woman and has been very good to me over the years. I love her dearly. 

I may not be able to go back to NO this weekend. I'll need to be here for the kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I am so sorry to hear about your MIL! I was selfishly looking forward to your updates from NO - hubby and I are huge football fans. I hope whatever happens that she's peaceful and that your kids and you are all right.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Thanks, Hope.

I still may be able to go - I'll have to play it by ear this week.

Sent you a PM


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Sorry to hear that OT
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Went to visit w/ MIL yesterday. W was there holding her Mom's hand.

Didn't stay very long at all.

Hugged W and told her I was sorry about her Mom. (In honesty, seeing her grieving over her Mom made me think about the pain *I* have caused her - hit me like a ton of bricks - I had to leave).

Four hours later, she's posting vindictive crap on facebook aimed at me. (I've unfriended her - someone told me about it).

When she posted, I'd guesstimate she'd been drinking for about 3.5 hours. This is when she does this sh!t.

*"I'm so tired of the the FB games...when the same stuff repeats over and over, yep, I'm going to retaliate...and it makes some decisions easier...and when this BS is posted to my kid's walls...for the simple reason of me seeing the BS...makes it even easier, my kids already know you are the "babe magnet"..so have at it darling cuz you have made my mind up for me...maybe someone isn't my "forever" but then...I have decided...neither are you..thanks for making that PERFECTLY clear...please feel free to let everyone know what a stud you are... but, leave my kids out of your post sharing....enjoy darling!!"*

Yep - everything is all about you, isn't it, "darling"?


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## Keepin-my-head-up (Jan 11, 2013)

Jesus, OT..
You should seriously conduct seminars on how to handle this sh!t!
Just reading how you are doing gives strength.

I'd say best wishes but, regardless of the outcome you'll come out of it crystal


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Much appreesh the kudos. 

But it's still a hard road to travel. 

I'm beginning to think my W is mentally disturbed. 

And that's not a joke, KmH
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Damn OT,are you sure this woman is right for you?
That was pretty low of her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Zanne said:


> Oh, I hate FB drama. I don't care how bad it gets, I will never post about my husband in a bad way. And he has promised the same.
> 
> However, there are always those drunken posts/texts.... Maybe she will cringe when she reads it this morning?
> 
> It does seem like she is still hurting though. She didn't know about your A until recently, correct? Maybe her actions are right on.


I voluntarily told her about my A in October. I had discovered her A in early September. 

She just returned from a week-long tryst with her OM in Florida. I went to New Orleans for the weekend. I had tagged *"her"* kids (I adopted her 3 children over 20 years ago, raised them and loved them as my own - I have 3 from my 1st marriage, too) in some FB pics I posted from NO. 

This isn't her first FB rant directed toward me, and she has made some unwelcome posts on my FB timeline as well. I unfriended her last week because I'd had enough of seeing her profile pic of she and OM keep popping up in my chat box, and also to prevent her from posting things on my timeline. 

I have NEVER made any derogatory remarks about her on FB, and I never will. We both have done things we are not proud of, but I don't air our dirty laundry for the general public to see.

I tag the kids in a lot of pics - always have. After getting a snoot-full last night, she decided that I had only tagged the kids so *she* would see the posts. Yeah, right.

It's all about her, you see.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Just wading in here OT - you made some comments in another thread that you DID love the OW. 5 years is a long time.

Seeing how toxic your relationship is with your W - I'm wondering why you don't go for a divorce - irreconcilable differences or something like that? You both did a lot of damage to each other. I know you mentioned divorce would be complicated - but once it's done, your life will be simplified.

And then try to R with the OW? Maybe this is one of those rare cases where your AP IS your better half?

The other points to consider are your reasons for wanting to R with your wife.

Is it love or is it because you found out about the OM? The reason I ask is that it is a natural response to want something more when you can't have it. Also a natural response to fight and protect what you feel is yours. I'm having a similar reaction to the knowledge that my stbxw has a new boyfriend (separated 4 months - this is a guy she had over for dinner 4 days after moving out). Now that I know, I am fighting the instinct to contact the guy again and tell him to shove off. I don't know if I really "love" my stbxw anymore but something in me wants to protect and "possess" her now that I know about the OM. It's like a caveman instinct. It's weird, awful feeling - being conscious of the reasons but unable to stop the instinct. Maybe it's the same with you?


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Just wading in here OT - you made some comments in another thread that you DID love the OW. 5 years is a long time.
> 
> Seeing how toxic your relationship is with your W - I'm wondering why you don't go for a divorce - irreconcilable differences or something like that? You both did a lot of damage to each other. I know you mentioned divorce would be complicated - but once it's done, your life will be simplified.
> 
> ...


You ask some pertinent, tough questions, Cedarman. 

Like you, I struggle to answer many of them.

However, the answers seem to be getting closer every day.


----------



## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

Zanne said:


> It does seem like she is still hurting though. She didn't know about your A until recently, correct? Maybe her actions are right on.


I agree with you Zanne!

"she is still hurting" may/could well be an understatement. 
It sounded to me (I could be all wrong however) that Old timer's A started when his W was going through her Menopause. 

Husband (old timer) felt shut out by her irritability and mood issues (probably amongst other menopausal problems), he resorted to his A which ended up turning into a long-term "relationship" with OW. 

Knowing he hadn't left his Wife despite his 5 years old A, I tend to think he had hoped his marriage would be back on track. 

I very much doubt if he would wish to assume more responsibilities by turning his A into another "official relationship" in his life stage (early 60s?) particularly after bringing up their 6 children together. 

Plus, his love isn't focused on this particular lady (OW) as he sees other attractive females as he pleases, socially. He may not want to be tied down by this OW. After all, his relationship with OW was fine so long as she wasn't his "Wife".

Personally, I wouldn't call W's "offensive posts" on FB as a sign of mental disturbances. This may show signs of weakness on her part. 

Women's brains are differently wired than male brains. Men can focus on one thing at a time (and not to think about other issues at all) but women tend to be unable to handle something as serious as long-term A to be "put aside" in order to stay "happy". They say, A may cause symptoms similar to PTSD in BS. Long-term A can devastate the most stable and capable women.

I'm sure R is possible between old timer and his wife but it may take a greater degree of sacrifice and work (these are not for the faint hearted) for the next few years. I'm not sure if old timer would want to do this knowing he's in a life stage where he may want to have far more freedom to please himself and enjoy the fruit of his life-long hard labour? And, who can blame him? 

Whatever you do, wish you all the best, old timer. You deserve it!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Didn't go back to New Orleans for Super Bowl, decided to hang around here because of MIL's looming passing. She's still hanging on, although her pacemaker can keep her heart beating after everything else shuts down - very sad situation.

But I will be going back to NO this weekend for Mardis Gras.

One thing I hadn't mentioned: while my W was in FL w/ OM, _"making a decision about her future"_ (ie. her future w/ OM), I made a decision about my future. When she decided to be w OM for a week (after my repeatedly asking her not to go), in my mind, she made her decision about our marriage, and a possible reconciliation.

Even though I have not been a good husband over the last 5 years, and done some despicable things, my W was never my "Plan B" - and I will not allow myself to be "Plan B". Not for my W of 24 years, or anyone else.

I came back to town fully intending to sit down w her and begin negotiating a property settlement agreement for divorce. But even as much animosity as I have for her right now, I will not add this to her plate at this time. It will have to wait a couple of weeks.

The kids know I cancelled the Super Bowl trip to stay here because of MIL's condition. If MIL doesn't pass on before Friday, I'll have a talk w/ the kids and tell them I am going to NO, and I won't be coming back just because their grandmother passes. She will be cremated and there is to be no memorial or funeral service (MIL's wishes). He!!, my BIL - her son, W's brother - is not even coming into town. 

I'm sure that if it unfolds in this way, my W will attempt to beat me over the head with it down the road, saying: _"you didn't have the decency to be here for me when my mother died"_, and she'll be right. 

I really don't give a tinker's [email protected] about her feelings right now. Cold, I know, and believe it or not, it's against my nature to feel this way, but I do.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Zanne said:


> OT, I can't help but wonder if you are reacting from a place of hurt and pride. JMHO.


You could be right, Z, but it's also for self-preservation. 

You do realize my W has an ongoing A right now, correct?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

OT - I admire the way you are able to move on after attempting to R.

Hope everything works out for you.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

We never had a two-sided attempt at R, quite honestly. 

She never went NC w OM.

And I understand your wanting to give me a hard time, Z. No whining here - I realize it was my selfishness and weakness that got us to this point. I own it and deserve the criticism, never thought otherwise. 

But I cannot unring the bell. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I like where things are headed for you right now  I wonder, though, what will you do if the OM dumps her and she comes running back, all apologetic??


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Honestly haven't given it much thought, Hope. Just moving forward, not looking back. If she gets dumped, maybe she can catch up w me - maybe not. 

Doubt he'll dump her anyway. 
He's abroad except a few times per year. It's easy
To be charming for several days at a time. For both of them, lol. He probably will never see her BPD, and she won't have to wash his dirty underwear. 

Of course, he may be like me, and go commando. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

On my way to Mardi Gras
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Have fun OT,seems like you are living life and have plenty of chances to have fun without yourWW.
Dont waist to much time man,find whats right for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hit the riverboat casino last night. Stayed out too late. 

Coffee and breakfast - then uptown for Bloody Marys and parades.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

Hi 

My H had full 3 years A/LTR/EA/etc. Things got better in the end but we had to go through Hell and back daily since DDay and I was/we were on the verge of giving up during early/mid-stages. 

I won't wish this on my worst enemy. Hope you can save yours, too.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Omegaa said:


> I won't wish this on my worst enemy. Hope you can save yours, too.


Welp, it takes two to tango, so they say, and the W ain't dancing (w/ me anyway, lol). R is off the table, moving toward D - full steam ahead. 

On a brighter note: had a wonderful evening on St Charles St watching Mardi Gras parades. Hit Harrahs afterward, came dragging in abt 3am.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Went to French Quarter Tuesday evening, left abt 6:30. Stayed at my friend's place near Mobile last night. 

Left early this AM, back home now preparing for my MILs memorial service. 

Hopefully, I'll have the energy to get a workout in later this afternoon (it's been five days!), but my bed seems to be calling my name. 

I have company coming over tonight and I need my rest, lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

Hey OT

I have only been to NO once on business, roughly 30 years ago.

It was absolutely freezing this afternoon in ole blighty LOL

Have a nice time, my TAM friend.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Thanks, O.

Can't say I'll enjoy the funeral. I'm sure there will be lots of tears shed, but we'll celebrate the life of a very special woman. 

The rest of the evning should be a lot more fun, lol


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

*Mardi Gras in the French Quarter:*

W sent a message Thursday 2/7/13 (her mom died that evening), that after it was all over with her Mom, she was filing for divorce.

Totally made my mind up to go to NOLA for Mardis Gra.

Guess I should now refer to her as stbx, lol.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

So, stbx sends me a text about a prob w/ the property taxes on what is soon to be HER house. Wants to know what to do (I've always handled such things). 

I text her to start w/ calling the mortgage company, because it appears they short-paid the tax bill out of escrow. Sends me back a snippy text saying "I sure will" and asking "who is the lawyer you said you talked to about the divorce?" - obviously taunting me.

Sorry, darling, that divorce talk doesn't upset me any longer - I've accepted it. Let's get on with it so we can move on.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> So, stbx sends me a text about a prob w/ the property taxes on what is soon to be HER house. Wants to know what to do (I've always handled such things).
> 
> I text her to start w/ calling the mortgage company, because it appears they short-paid the tax bill out of escrow. Sends me back a snippy text saying "I sure will" and asking "who is the lawyer you said you talked to about the divorce?" - obviously taunting me.
> 
> Sorry, darling, that divorce talk doesn't upset me any longer - I've accepted it. Let's get on with it so we can move on.


Maybe posOM will call for her.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Maybe posOM will call for her.


:rofl:


----------



## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Very cool pics! Mardi Gras is on my bucket list. 

Stay strong. You're moving past this. If she suddenly has a change of heart and begs for you to let her back, you do NOT want to cave.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Very cool pics! Mardi Gras is on my bucket list.
> 
> Stay strong. You're moving past this. If she suddenly has a change of heart and begs for you to let her back, you do NOT want to cave.


I had a blast at MG.

I have some pretty strong stips she'd have to abide by for me to consider R now. I doubt she'd be willing, sooooo....


----------



## Omegaa (Nov 17, 2012)

Hi OT

It must be very difficult for you.

I doubt if she understands the full ramification of of not having you around as a life partner and she cannot keep contacting you every time there's something that needs sorting out.

Personally, you should have been given a second chance but for some reason, that did not happen. As I don't know enough about the breakdown of your marriage pre-A, it's difficult to comment.

It seems like she's acting out based on her anger and upset. It would be silly to jump into D when two people are still angry and upset. 

You know my H had 3 years LTR/EA/etc. I'm glad that we didn't D in the end and he's a much nicer man post-A. 

I don't think anyone's marriage is a bed of roses and we all need to "work on it". Pity your W started this silly "revenge A". It is a very juvenile thing to do...and she is making herself look a lot worse for it. 

Take care & have fun!


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Omegaa said:


> It seems like she's acting out based on her anger and upset. It would be silly to jump into D when two people are still angry and upset.


Her still carrying on her A isn't helping either, lol. 

She's been playing off my guilt over my A to maintain the upper hand and do a lot of blame shifting (quite successfully, btw). I'm done playing that game. Her talk of D doesn't cause me any distress now - I'm ready to get it done and move forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Dropped off some mail to stbx Wednesday - asked if she still plans on filing for D (she hasn't made any move on that front that I'm aware of).

She said: "Yes - I might as well - you went to see a lawyer right?"

Yes, I did...after you told me you were going to file. SMH.

Went on to recount all my "wrongs" (AGAIN) against her. All of which I have previously admitted, and unequivocally "owned". 

After her rant, I simply replied: "I'm sorry you feel this way (about filing for D), but I understand", and left.

Told her when I moved out that I wasn't planning on filing. She knows I'm still willing to R, but I think she wants me to file, so it puts her in a better light with the kids and our friends. Who knows?

Just know it got the emo roller coaster going again. Thought I was past that...guess not.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

old timer said:


> She knows I'm still willing to R, but I think she wants me to file, so it puts her in a better light with the kids and our friends. Who knows?


In my own very personal experience, it won't.

_Nobody_ cares that I was the one to file (and I filed on Valentine's Day), except my wife and maybe one or two of her toxic friends who only know half the story.


Pb.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> In my own very personal experience, it won't.
> 
> _Nobody_ cares that I was the one to file (and I filed on Valentine's Day), except my wife and maybe one or two of her toxic friends who only know half the story.
> 
> ...


I think all the kids would like to see us work it out (they all know we both cheated), But I think she wants to be able to say: 
*"I didn't file for divorce - your Dad did"*. 

We have a "your kids/my kids" situation (3 each), and obviously each set will be more sympathetic to their respective natural parent - which I totally understand. 

"Her" kids (I adopted them over 20 yrs ago - so they're all "my kids") understand I won't wait forever for her to commit to R, however.

edit to add: All our kids are grown and making their own way in life. We are all still close.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Stay true to the stipulations you have in place for R. Have you written them down for yourself??


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Old Timer,

Do the kids know about posOM?


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

old timer said:


> But I think she wants to be able to say:
> *"I didn't file for divorce - your Dad did"*.


Right. It's probably a point of pride for her, nothing more... Another bullet point on the list of things she thinks she can use to guilt you with blame.

But remember... When she tells someone, "_*I*_ didn't file for divorce - _*he*_ did," at least half the time, they'll be thinking either, "What did she do to make him file?" or "Good for him!"

If she wants to make a stink about who filed, let her. Ultimately, it means nothing. If it gets to the point where you are tired of waiting and you need to file to move forward, then file and don't worry about it. Stick to your guns.

In the end, if she's unwilling to reconcile, two happily divorced parents are worth more to your kids, than two miserably married parents.


Pb.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Stay true to the stipulations you have in place for R. Have you written them down for yourself??


No need to write them down, Hope. Only four:
1. NC w OM. 
2. Drop "Second Life"
3. Stop drinking for 3 months 
4. Commit to MC for 3 months.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Old Timer,
> 
> Do the kids know about posOM?


Yep, they pretty much know everything, Conrad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Pbartender said:


> In the end, if she's unwilling to reconcile, two happily divorced parents are worth more to your kids, than two miserably married parents.
> Pb.


Agreed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

So last week, stbx messages me riding my azz about a facebook post (which had no reference to her, either directly or indirectly), and then saying she no longer cares what I post on FB or who I tag in pics, etc. 

Got a new message from her last night remanding me for a facebook post in which I tagged my XW and a couple others (once again, nothing to do w/ her). :scratchhead:

Anyway, after her rant about the FB post, she follows with a proposal for property division. States she just wants to be done with it and move on. It appears she is sincere, because I think her proposal is reasonable - maybe even a bit in my favor. 

After pondering my reply, I answered this AM, saying I was OK with her proposal, but I did want my lawyer's opinion. Also asked her about a little chore she's been working on for some time (which is equally beneficial to both of us), asking if she plans on finishing, or if she's done w/ that as well. It really doesn't matter which of us does it - it must be completed. I just need to know if I need to get it done.

Haven't heard back from her today. At the time her message was sent last night, the odds are that she was in the cups. She may be re-thinking her proposal with a sober mind. 

I anticipate her reply this evening after she's had a few drinks. That always seems to loosen her fingers up quite a bit.

Tick, tick, tick, tick...

.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Why not defriend her?


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Why not defriend her?


Or change your settings so that she can't see what you're posting... Just stick her on your "restricted" list, then change the default "who can view" setting for your posts to "friends only".

That's what AXW tried to do to me.


Pb.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Why not defriend her?


I did several months ago. For several reasons, I generally make all my posts public. I guess if any of our mutual friends are tagged or happen to comment on my post, it would show up in her news feed. 

I really don't care how she feels about it, just thought it was funny that she had a come apart about it less than a week after saying she no longer cared about it. Go figure.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> I did several months ago. For several reasons, I generally make all my posts public. I guess if any of our mutual friends are tagged or happen to comment on my post, it would show up in her news feed.
> 
> I really don't care how she feels about it, just thought it was funny that she had a come apart about it less than a week after saying she no longer cared about it. Go figure.


Don't listen to what they say, watch what they do.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Don't care to listen - don't care to watch, lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

So, after almost a month of NC and smooth sailing with stbxw, last night she and I get into a battle via text about me getting my riding lawnmower from "her" house. The house that I'm still making half the mortgage payment...yeah - that house.

She wanted to keep the mower. The woman who has never cut a single blade of grass in the entire 24 years I've known her...yeah - that woman. I need to cut grass at my current abode. I took the damn mower.

Today starts with an email from her about how sh!tty I'd treated her by abandoning her when her Mom passed away in February. She left out the part about having asked me to move out over a month before. Also forgot about me asking to go with her to help with MILs final arrangements and asking if there was *ANYTHING* I could do to help her.

"There is *NOTHING* you can do", she said. 

Asked and answered - and though I loved MIL like my own mother, that's exactly what I did - nothing.

I've been rolling over for her for over six months, now she didn't get her way on something and she's getting pizzy. 

Oh well...this is me losing sleep about it: :sleeping:

.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

So, I guess you're listening and watching after all.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> So, I guess you're listening and watching after all.


Guilty as charged, Conrad.

Wish I'd had the resolve to refrain from getting into the back and forth with her the other night, but didn't. She can still rattle my cage. 

Haven't responded to her email from yesterday morning. It's so full of sh!t I want to respond with a point by point argument, but it just doesn't make sense trying to have a logical, reasonable discussion with an illogical, unreasonable person.

Here's the verbatim from her email:
_
*"When there comes the day your mom gets sick....and then sadly dies and you are trying to deal with all that.....I hope you
have someone in your life....
....that totally abandons you.... goes out of their way to twist any knife they can in your emotions..... finds a way to 
make even the smallest things in your life just a little more difficult........ and then finds a chuckle in all that 

Thanks as always....for being there"*_

It's so far from the truth, I'm tempted to reply with a simple "Your welcome" or "My pleasure", and then watch her head spin.

But she thrives on conflict - I don't. I should probably just let it go, but the smart-ass in me makes it very difficult. 

.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

OT,

One sentence:

"I'm sorry you feel that way"


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> OT,
> 
> One sentence:
> 
> "I'm sorry you feel that way"


Duh...*(OT palms face)*


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Duh...*(OT palms face)*


Brother,

It takes practice.

The obvious is never obvious - until we're fully awake.

Let her drown in her own hate.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Brother,
> 
> It takes practice.
> 
> ...


Noted...just sent the five-word reply


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Noted...just sent the five-word reply


Check the horizon for a puff of greasy black smoke.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

And *"drown in her own hate"* is SO apropos 

.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

old timer said:


> Guilty as charged, Conrad.
> 
> Wish I'd had the resolve to refrain from getting into the back and forth with her the other night, but didn't. She can still rattle my cage.
> 
> ...


Or you could get Bullwinkle to write your response.
He knows how to defuse a situation. 

I wouldn't even respond to that drivel but if I did. 

MY response "That is pale in comparison to withholding a lawnmower from someone."


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

GutPunch said:


> "That is pale in comparison to withholding a lawnmower from someone."


Now, that's just funny as hell, Gut. 

Glad to see your sense of humor is coming back.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Well, the "Great Lawnmower Crisis" sent her over the edge.

Got initial divorce filings last weekend.

.


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

sorta makes me wish i could be a fly on the wall when stbxh opens the storage shed...and sees...'near nothing'.... 

black greasy smoke...is right.... wholly shxt...


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Gotta watch those damn lawn mowers ot.
At least he's back in your arms now :smthumbup:


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

That's just too funny really...she hadn't mowed a lawn in 24 yrs...and it was oh so important...all of a sudden you didn't take it...bah!


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Said she filed because - after the Great Lawnmower Crisis - she needed to "protect" herself going forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Don't you know it, now she's worried that you might clean out the house next time she goes out of town to visit POSOM.


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

old timer said:


> Said she filed because - after the Great Lawnmower Crisis - she needed to "protect" herself going forward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Going forward through all the long grass :lol:


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Said she filed because - after the Great Lawnmower Crisis - she needed to "protect" herself going forward.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And, it's usually the dishwasher.

At least she's fond of power tools.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> And, it's usually the dishwasher.
> 
> At least she's fond of power tools.


Not so much. She will use a power screwdriver occasionally, and I didn't take the "personal massage device".

Good to have you back, Conrad.

.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Not so much. She will use a power screwdriver occasionally, and I didn't take the "personal massage device".
> 
> Good to have you back, Conrad.
> 
> .


Battleaxes quite often have need of personal massage devices.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

You know, Conrad - she wasn't a battleaxe all the time. 

She could be a very kind and lovable person - I'd say about 15% of the time. The rest of the time she was critical, extremely opinionated, and argumentative. In her mind - she never made a mistake...never did or said anything that required an apology to anyone.

There was seldom a "middle ground" for her. 

Well - actually she did seem to reach middle ground after she became involved with OM. She was easy-going and pleasant for almost two years. She has since said she just didn't "care" anymore. 

Maybe I should've maintained the status quo after Dday and went back to seeing my AP. It was peaceful at home anyway, lol.

I don't think it was her intention, but she kinda got to me last night by saying she still loved me. I've suspected that all along, and I still love her, as well. But all things considered, I think divorce is the best route for us, unfortunately.

.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

You still love her?

You realize this lawnmower thing is the opening.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> You realize this lawnmower thing is the opening.


How so? To acquiesce and give it back to her? 

1) She may have already bought a replacement.

2) She has no interest in attempting R, and also is planning another meetup with OM later this month. 
.


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Is this lawnmower shortage over the 
entire state? I need a new one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> How so? To acquiesce and give it back to her?
> 
> 1) She may have already bought a replacement.
> 
> ...


Says she still loves you?

Tell her, "If that's true, posOM has to go"

Actions speak louder than words.

If it's just words, proceed as planned.


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Not sure, GP.

I heard there was a significant sighting at Lowe's in Fultondale yesterday.

.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Says she still loves you?
> 
> Tell her, "If that's true, posOM has to go"
> 
> ...



Being a cheater myself, I have a different perspective on this than most, or it could possibly be that I have never really known what "true" love is.

I never stopped loving my wife during my A, so I don't find it hard to accept that she still loves me - just not enough to go NC and commit to R. 

Therefore, I am "proceeding as planned".

.


----------



## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

old timer said:


> Being a cheater myself, I have a different perspective on this than most, or it could possibly be that I have never really known what "true" love is.
> 
> I never stopped loving my wife during my A, so I don't find it hard to accept that she still loves me - just not enough to go NC and commit to R.
> 
> ...


I agree...What options do you really have?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Being a cheater myself, I have a different perspective on this than most, or it could possibly be that I have never really known what "true" love is.
> 
> I never stopped loving my wife during my A, so I don't find it hard to accept that she still loves me - just not enough to go NC and commit to R.
> 
> ...


Has she told you she still loves you before this?


----------



## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Yes, on a couple of occasions.

Says she "just doesn't have it in her" to commit to R.

.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Yes, on a couple of occasions.
> 
> Says she "just doesn't have it in her" to commit to R.
> 
> .


"I'm not ok with you saying that unless you're willing to back your words with action"


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> "I'm not ok with you saying that unless you're willing to back your words with action"


Quite honestly, I don't know if I really "have it in me" to commit to R. 

Even though 2 people love each other - it doesn't necessarily mean they should be married. 

Sad, but I do believe it's true. 
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Quite honestly, I don't know if I really "have it in me" to commit to R.
> 
> Even though 2 people love each other - it doesn't necessarily mean they should be married.
> 
> ...


If you don't, then why the reaction to her statement?

Remember, we're also observing ourselves.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

My emo side wants to R, my logical side, not so much
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> My emo side wants to R, my logical side, not so much
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sit with that one awhile. Something to think about.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Sit with that one awhile. Something to think about.


Hey, OT. Just finished reading your story. I may have missed it, but have you and your W ever tried MC? Seems like you both still have feelings for each other.

Anyway, I think Conrad has it right here.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I asked her to do MC, she declined, saying she "just didn't have it in her" to commit to R. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Hell gave it a shot.

Didn't you say she had om visit scheduled?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Yep. Later this month if my info is correct. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Yep. Later this month if my info is correct.
> 
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ok Brother

Steady as she goes.

Nothing lost.

If she's not willing to give up posOM, talk is cheap.

I'd probably even put a boundary on the "I love you's"

"I'm not ok talking like that unless we're going to back it up"


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Then your timings off.

Remember it is the start of grass cutting season.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

old timer said:


> Quite honestly, I don't know if I really "have it in me" to commit to R.
> 
> Even though 2 people love each other - it doesn't necessarily mean they should be married.
> 
> ...



I can understand that ot. Maybe more time for you both , clearing out all that water under the bridge , who knows.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Haven't posted in a while.

This weekend is noteworthy, in that stbxw and OM met in RL a year ago, after at least a year long online EA. To celebrate, she is somewhere having a few days holiday with him to celebrate the occasion.

I don't know where - just know that it is happening.

Funny thing? It's not really bothering me. 
(Really, Conrad - it's not, lol).

I just felt I should note this in my journal.

I guess that speaks volumes about what our relationship was prior to our both discovering the other was involved in an affair.

I'm headed to our grandson's 4th birthday party, and then have a dinner date this evening.

Take care, my dear TAM friends.

.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> (Really, Conrad - it's not, lol).


Good.

Have fun tonight.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Hi OT - I thought I'd just check in with you.

You know that I think that your W has simply been too hurt to get past your 5 years with the OW. The hurt doesn't erase all the love, for either one of you, but it is there and probably makes it true what you say, that 'you can love one another, but not be right for one another.'

I'm sorry that she's off with her online AP again, but very glad to hear that your feelings have evolved so that you are not hurting so much from it anymore.

Dare I say it, but there's a lot to be said for the peace, calm, and contentment that comes when you decide that a love that is painful may not be the love that you need.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

New development...in a way.

At the bday party today, my son informed me that stbx is back in town with the OM in tow. Further, she and OM are going to my son's club tonight. 

I like the band that's playing tonight and had plans to go there after dinner. My first instinct was to go ahead with my plans and introduce myself to my replacement. However, it will be difficult on my son dealing with it, so I will go elsewhere tonight. 

It's really not that big of a deal to me. Also, it wouldn't be fair to my date and I'm sure we'll have much more fun elsewhere without the distraction.

If OM stays in town long enough, I'm sure he'll have the pleasure of meeting me.

ETA: Thanks for the encouragement, aD. You have been such a help to me over the past few months.

.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Wise choice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Hope you had a good time, OT.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Hope you had a good time, OT.


Thank you, Ff, I did...

still am as a matter of fact. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

old timer said:


> Thank you, Ff, I did...
> 
> still am as a matter of fact.
> 
> ...


You ole horn dog...:bounce:...


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I just got a call from one of my church lay ministers. 

"We missed you today - everything OK?"

"Ummm, yes, everything is fine, thank you for your concern".
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> New development...in a way.
> 
> At the bday party today, my son informed me that stbx is back in town with the OM in tow. Further, she and OM are going to my son's club tonight.
> 
> ...


OT,

Thought you had this down by now.

It's "pos"OM.

Don't forget.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

At S30s place on the lake for Memorial Day. 
Everyone's out on the boats. 

This is a pretty raucous crowd, and I'm looking forward to the debauchery thats sure to come, but sitting on the dock at the end of this deserted slough is mighty damned relaxing. 

Surely they'll be back before my beer runs out. 


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Dare I say it, but there's a lot to be said for the peace, calm, and contentment that comes when you decide that a love that is painful may not be the love that you need.


Exactly what I'm sitting here reflecting upon, aD. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Have a great holiday, OT.

Drink a beer for me - I quit years ago, but can still enjoy it vicariously.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I received the divorce petition from from BFH last month. I waited until the very last day to answer (yesterday). 

Spent two hours with my attorney (he's a longtime acquaintance, so some of the time was spent just catching up). He's familiar with her atty, and says the petition is very out of character for the other guy - he normally goes for the jugular financially, and in this case he did not. My guy was wondering "Why?".

All I could say was "I guess she just wants out". 

It was a sad day for me early yesterday, but after discussing everything with him, I must admit a sense of calm has come over me.

Thinking I may ready to really, finally, let her go.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I remember your early posts talking about the dire negative financial consequences of divorcing her.

Looks like she surprised you.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> I remember your early posts talking about the dire negative financial consequences of divorcing her.
> 
> Looks like she surprised you.


Patience does have its virtues, eh?
.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Patience does have its virtues, eh?
> .
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe she has a conscience after all.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Sorry, OT, but this has been a very long time in coming, hasn't it? You can now be with whomever you want without thinking somewhere in the back of your mind that you are betraying your wife. You also no longer have the security of your marriage. Since your marriage hasn't been particularly secure in a long time, I suspect that the freedom you will now have is the stronger part of this deal.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Never doubted she had a conscience, C.

Her spiteful personality can push her conscience to the rear, however.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> Sorry, OT, but this has been a very long time in coming, hasn't it? You can now be with whomever you want without thinking somewhere in the back of your mind that you are betraying your wife. You also no longer have the security of your marriage. Since your marriage hasn't been particularly secure in a long time, I suspect that the freedom you will now have is the stronger part of this deal.


It's definitely a mixed bag of thoughts and emotions, aD.

I think we made better partners in business than in marriage. After the April, 2011 tornado - we really moved farther apart.

Maybe, after a while, and the anger between us possibly subsides, I would seriously consider asking her to join me in a business venture...NOT.

Right now, I'm headed to a ballgame at the oldest active ballpark in the US. Its always hot there, and offers the perfect opportunity for the ladies to be rocking their newest summer dresses. OT be OK.
*
Rickwood Classic | Birmingham Barons About*


.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I’m sorry too, OT, and I wish you all the best.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Least she isn't taking you to the cleaners.

We had a team party for my sons baseball 
"Team" and I told wife to wear one of those
sundresses for all those coaches wives who's 
gave me stink eye while sitting on their fat 
A$$es in the bleachers.

Least she's good for something.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

I am totally pissed.

BFH and I could've worked out a D agreement, used one attorney, and cost us about 2K total to get it done.

But no - she engages a churning azzhole lawyer.

So now we'll spend about 4-5K each.

Fvcking idiot.
.


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> I am totally pissed.
> 
> BFH and I could've worked out a D agreement, used one attorney, and cost us about 2K total to get it done.
> 
> ...


Uh ya....

I hear ya... 

I'm beyond...waaaay beyond even 5k...with all that has gone on...but my situation clearly different than yours...but yea...this should have been ez...

think is...my stbxh...can sign now...and be done...and he won't...noooo....of course not...because 'now'...'i' want it...and the settlement is completely 'even'...and still....noooooo.....

BAH! :scratchhead:

I'd be more content becoming a widow.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

old timer said:


> It's definitely a mixed bag of thoughts and emotions, aD.
> 
> I think we made better partners in business than in marriage. After the April, 2011 tornado - we really moved farther apart.
> 
> ...


The oldest active ball park is in Bisbee, Arizona. Sorry OT.


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

old timer said:


> I am totally pissed.
> 
> BFH and I could've worked out a D agreement, used one attorney, and cost us about 2K total to get it done.
> 
> ...


HI OT ---

Not sticking up for your stbxw -- just a question -- did you tell her that you guys could have worked out a D agreement to save money or is she doing this in spite of that conversation.

My guess also is that she is also being coached by the OM.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> I'd be more content becoming a widow.


*
I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.*

Seriously, I wish her no harm. She had agreed to sit down and hammer out an equitable division of assets, but never would actually *do it*. 

Then after the "Great Lawnmower Incident", she flies off the handle and retains a lawyer who's known for "churning" to increase fees. (of course, she wants me to pay for it).

In retrospect, I should have gone ahead and filed, probably would have been easier (and less expensive) all around, but it was a point of contention with me: she wanted the D, so I felt she should file, not me. 

Hindsight is 20/20, right?

.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

jh52 said:


> HI OT ---
> 
> Not sticking up for your stbxw -- just a question -- did you tell her that you guys could have worked out a D agreement to save money or is she doing this in spite of that conversation.
> 
> My guess also is that she is also being coached by the OM.


Yes, we had discussed it, and agreed that was the best thing to do. I don't think it would bother me if we had mutually chosen the attorney.

Her excuse to me was that she had to "protect herself" after I took the lawnmower. My opinion is she was pissed because she didn't get her way on something, and shot from the hip, which will result in the legal fees quadrupling, at best.

.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> The oldest active ball park is in Bisbee, Arizona. Sorry OT.


Warren Field? 

I stand corrected, bandit.

Was this field originally built for a professional team?

If not, I guess I should more correctly state Rickwood is the "oldest surviving professional baseball park".
*
Rickwood Field - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia*

.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Ah, the old lawnmower gambit....you should know better, OT. A woman scorned and then some lawnmower dissing and you've got a recipe for divorce disaster..

Seriously, she really is grasping at straws. You'd better keep your guard way up.


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

OT

Shoulda run her down with the damned lawn mower, mulched her.


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

old timer said:


> *
> I have never killed any one, but I have read some obituary notices with great satisfaction.*
> 
> Seriously, I wish her no harm. She had agreed to sit down and hammer out an equitable division of assets, but never would actually *do it*.
> ...


Yep... this sounds familiar, OT... I had the same sort of thing happen... My AXW wanted the divorce... All talk about amicable and no contest and we'll do it ourselves, but then she sat on her thumbs for months and didn't do anything about it.

And yeah, we talked about using just one laywer to help us draft the agreements and file... She said it'd be okay. But once I hired him and brought her a draft of the paperwork to look over, she flipped out. She lawyered up, and all of a sudden wanted everything, instead of an even split... And she wouldn't talk about anything, except through the lawyers.

And yep... the two of us together will end up paying four or five times what it would have cost, had she kept her cool. And no... it probably wouldn't have been cheaper for you file. That's I did, and it still blew up. You have to remember she was looking for an excuse to fight back... if it wasn't the lawnmower, it would have been something else.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> I am totally pissed.
> 
> BFH and I could've worked out a D agreement, used one attorney, and cost us about 2K total to get it done.
> 
> ...


OT,

Sorry brother.

This one falls on you.

When you let things sit when you should be leading, bad things happen.

Do the best you can.

I'm rooting for you.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Not arguing your point, for sure. 

As I've said before. She wanted the D, I let her file. 

Everything will be ok, just more expensive. 

I'm just ready to get it behind me. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Sorry, OT.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

So - after our (now her) dog bit the other side's lawyer (not a D lawyer - but another unrelated case) last Friday, he went to the doctor and now the Health Department is requiring she be quarantined (the dog - not BFH).

Get a text from BFH saying she can't handle the dog by herself, and asking that I take the dog to the vet for quarantine.

My first instinct was to say "Ummmm, no - its your problem". But considering my lawyer's advice to try to "get along to get ahead" in the D settlement, I bit my tongue (fingers in this case), and will be taking the dog to the vet.

Oh the things we do for "love".


.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Give the dog a ride on your lawnmower.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Give the dog a ride on your lawnmower.


No back seat

.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> No back seat
> 
> .


Not a lap dog?


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Not a lap dog?


Photo of OT driving a mower with a Great Dane on his lap may he imminent....


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Boxer/German Shepherd mix. 

Big ass dog. 

Bites, too. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Boxer/German Shepherd mix.
> 
> Big ass dog.
> 
> ...


Exactly what I'd expect.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Wazza said:


> Photo of OT driving a mower with a Great Dane on his lap may he imminent....


Which one will be wearing the wet t-shirt?


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## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> Which one will be wearing the wet t-shirt?


OT and I discussed this off line and concluded it should be you.....or failing that Conrad. Please don't let us down here.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Wazza said:


> OT and I discussed this off line and concluded it should be you.....or failing that Conrad. Please don't let us down here.


I'll let Conrad have this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Wow. Wet t shirts, dogs on a lawn mower, I'm really starting to love this thread.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

BFH sent me a thoughtful text Sunday (Fathers Day) saying "no matter what between us - you've always been a great Dad, and I want to thank you for that". 
(I adopted her 3 kids over 20 years ago). 

I responded, saying that meant a lot to me and thanking her. 

Monday, the truce is over - she sends an inflammatory msg. 

As I mentioned in Bullwinkle's thread, six months ago, I would've taken the bait, gotten pissed and given her a squabble. 

Instead, I sent her a short, matter of fact, unemotional reply. 

Pretty sure she's fuming...I'm smiling. 

OT is OK. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Took the biting dog to vet for Health Dept required examination last Tuesday morning.

Speaking through an open window, BFH cheerfully offers use of her SUV, but I say no problem, I'll just use mine (I already had the dog loaded, anyway).

Upon my return, I put the dog's radio collar back on, and since the front door was open, I just dropped the Health Dept paperwork onto the floor in the foyer. I didn't knock or call out to her. I felt no need for conversation and didn't desire any. Just business.

I get a text about 6pm (she starts drinking about 5PM) that evening blasting me for not taking the dog on Monday as planned (I had unexpected court depositions that day): 

_*"guess I stay in a perpetual state with you of...what did I do now? Look you told me you were coming Monday...I had errands to do and I waited, by 2pm figured your weren't coming, you had said you wanted to use my car....throwing stuff in the front door?? Have we resorted to being so juvenile?
*_.

Maybe I should've ignored it, but responded:

*"The citys lawyers are being d1cks, and we did not know until yesterday AM that the depositions were a "go". Believe it or not, I don't care either way.

I could've sent you a message, but I didn't.

You could've just as easily messaged me and found out I wasn't coming, but you'd rather wait and send a smart ass text.

As for "throwing" stuff into the house,
didnt know I was expected to come in and exchange pleasantries.

My bad."
*

I do believe this is the first time in 25 years of knowing each other that I ever told her "I don't care what you think". It was a bit liberating, actually.

I expected another msg from her the next evening after having a bit of liquid encouragement, but haven't heard a peep from her since, so maybe my response was appropriate.

.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Has to make you feel like saying "yes" next time she needs a favor, right?


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Don't you know it, Conrad


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

It has been a while, how you doing OT?


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Thanks for the thought, Tron.

Doing pretty well, I guess. 

Had some sizable legal bills (from our business) come in that should be joint liabilities. STBX doesn't know about this yet. That's gonna throw a kink into the settlement agreement. Oh well.

Got to get re-motivated for the gym - I've been slacking in that department.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

old timer said:


> Thanks for the thought, Tron.
> 
> Doing pretty well, I guess.
> 
> ...


Hey, OT, get moving on that gym thing. You wanna look good in a wet t-shirt, don't you?!


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

It's been a while, OT. You sound like you are feeling pretty solid about the settlement and D. Here's wishing you some peace and closure with this. It seems like it's been a long haul. (Or is this just my imagination? - I'm unlucky - cr*ppy things seem to drag on, while so many of the great things whiz by...)


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Frostflower said:


> Hey, OT, get moving on that gym thing. You wanna look good in a wet t-shirt, don't you?!


FF, i think it is time to give him/us some inspiration!


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Haven't been around TAM much lately, except for a couple of threads I follow (Bullwinkle and Gut Punch). The "misery loves company" thing ran out when I decided to stop being miserable. Even had to give up Social - loved carousing with everyone - but I was spending too much time there. 

Wanted to let y'all know that the OM is arriving today from Amsterdam to move in with stbx. Saw this on her alt-ID FB page a few days ago:

*"In 3 days the SL fantasy becomes RL... The love of my life moves here and we begin our real life together"*

This FB page is for her Second Life buds, she hasn't mentioned it on her "regular" FB page. She's not quite ready to announce it to the locals just yet, I suppose.

According to her, OM is a "Business Consultant and Troubleshooter"..."Rescues failing businesses" she said. A Google search indicates he's an unemployed "Financial Services" person. Maybe he can help invest stbx's inheritance from the recently deceased MIL. Don't know - don't care.

Her kids (my adopted) know about it, they're not really happy, but basically have the same opinion I do: It's her life, WTF.

Personally, I would've waited until we were divorced to do something like this, but WTF, right?

Does it bother me? On some level, yes, it does. I guess accepting the finality of "it's over" for us is the main thing. - but I'm not losing any sleep about it anymore. Haven't in months, actually. 

Considering my own transgressions, I'll just take it as a "you reap what you sow" kind of deal. I must admit the little devil on one shoulder wants me to fvck with her a bit, considering it's still my effing house.

Overall, I'm pretty happy with my life:
Working part time as a process server - delivering subpoenas and court orders to poor saps and sappettes who are about to embark on the big D journey. "I'm just the messenger" is a common phrase I use. It has an upside - I've met a few pretty hot servees. 

I'm looking for more PT work - don't want to commit to anything FT right now (my elderly mother isn't doing so well and I'd have to travel).

I'm seeing other people (yes, OW as well, occasionally). Definitely not looking for anything serous...just sifting through the chaff. Apparently, I'm a hot item. Funny how when you just don't give a damn women are attracted to you. WTF? Wish I'd discovered this years ago.

I hope everyone here is doing well.

.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

old timer said:


> Haven't been around TAM much lately, except for a couple of threads I follow (Bullwinkle and Gut Punch). The "misery loves company" thing ran out when I decided to stop being miserable. Even had to give up Social - loved carousing with everyone - but I was spending too much time there.
> 
> Wanted to let y'all know that the OM is arriving today from Amsterdam to move in with stbx. Saw this on her alt-ID FB page a few days ago:
> 
> ...


When you serve these folks, give them the TAM www addy.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

Wait. It's your house, and she's moving OM in? And you are going to let it happen with no static from you?


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Doesn't bother me, Pam. I'm done with her. 

She's his problem now. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

old timer said:


> Haven't been around TAM much lately, except for a couple of threads I follow (Bullwinkle and Gut Punch). The "misery loves company" thing ran out when I decided to stop being miserable. Even had to give up Social - loved carousing with everyone - but I was spending too much time there.
> 
> Wanted to let y'all know that the OM is arriving today from Amsterdam to move in with stbx. Saw this on her alt-ID FB page a few days ago:
> 
> ...


You could pick up a few lawns to cut.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Been working 3 PT gigs, Gut. I'll be starting a FT deal 10/7. 

BTW, I happened to pull up beside her and OM at a traffic signal yesterday. I honked the horn, blew her a kiss, and winked at him. I think he pizzed his pants. 

Oh - the little pleasures in life. 

.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Dropped in to check things out. 
Hard to believe it's been over a year since I've posted. Looks like a few of my old buds are banned now. Imagine that.

Took a FT job in Oct '13 and I'm out of town several days/week. Love it though - I'm in several diff businesses every day dealing w diff people - keeps the days fresh and interesting.

Divorce finally finalized about a month ago, thank goodness. She got the house, which is OK w me - I didn't like the house anyway. I still haven't signed over my interest (and won't until she gets the mortgage out of my name - or the court orders me to, I guess).

She and the OM are living there. He's been there since mid-2013. They seem to be doing well, but I think there may be some buyer's remorse on her part *slight grin*. She and I have just recently had a couple of civil text exchanges concerning some business details, which is good.

OW and I haven't seen each other since March - I wanted to see other people. I know - I'm rotten - but it is what it is. 

Overall, life is good and OT is doing fine and dandy.


----------

