# Things are progressing



## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/considering-divorce-separation/34603-so-what-do-i-do-now.html

Hi all, hopefully ive posted the link above correctly so as i dont have to bore you all with my situation again!!

Well things have been up and down this past 2 weeks. Ive have been doing my mini 180 and its been going ok. We have had a few really low points though and this weekend was just awful. It was 2 years on Sunday since my dad passed away and i was just feeling so low and emotional with everything i just cried all day and could shake myself out of it. I was feeling anxious and out of control and scared. H was being his usual caring, considerate self. comforting me and being understamding and then i just had enough. I felt smothered and angry and frustrated. This man who is comforting me and being "loving" is the same man who is walking out on me in a few weeks time! How can that be right. Is he doing it to make himself feel better about the situation? Or what? Im so confused.

Anyway yesterday morning i somehow found the strength to tell him that i needed space and that he had to find somewhere to go for a few days. So he came home from work and had tea with us and we put up the xmas tree and he went. To my mums!!! LOL! nowhere else for him to go at the moment as he has no family nearby.

He has been to see an apartment which will be ready for him in 2 weeks. 

So im feeling ok. My emotions have been more stable without him here but i bloody midss him like crazy and its all that i can do to stop myself from txting him. He txt me a few times last night from my mums to ask about me and the kids. He actually puy Xs on the end of the txt, something he hasnt done for a long time.

I know i need to be strong and not contact him, thats one of the reasons im writing here, it really helps. Hes coming for tea after work and to spend some time with the kids.

So my question to you guys is....
Is it possible for us to seperate and stay good friends? Is it possible that we can still function and spend time together if we are seperated? This is what he says he wants. That he wants some space but he still wants us to be friends and do stuff together! Now im thinking can i really do this or do i need to cut ties with him in order for me to recover and get over him or do i go along with what he wants in a hope that he will see sense and want to reconcile!

I also feel very guilty that i have asked him to give me some space for a few days. I feel like i have pushed him out and that he is still making me make all the decisions. But i feel like i had no choice. I love my husband dearly and want nothing more than for us to fix this and thats why i had to ask him to go becaise the pain i feel in my heart is so unbearable that i cant even be in the same room as him at the moment.

Sorry for the waffle! just needed to talk. Thx for listening x


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

You two can be friends if you want to. You can make anything happen if you want to. You have the power to change how things are into what you want them to be. Let your heart be your guide.

As for your father's passing, try to remember two things he did that left you with a great memory of him Why? Because death can't remove good memories. We give death too much power over us. It doesn't deserve it. So we should always reflect upon life- past, present, and future.

Have a nice day. You've earned it.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I dont know. Things just dont seem right. Does a man really up and leave his wife and kids for nothing? Can he really not love me after all this time? If itd true then i will accept it BUT i cant help feeling there is something more to this.

I have no proof at all. There is N/C between him an E/A partner outside of work at all but theres the thing. he sees her everyday! He absolutely swears theres nothing going on and that he is not leaving me to be with her but ive just got this nagging feeling.


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Sent you PM


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

HerToo said:


> Sent you PM


Sent you PM


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

H moved out last night. 
The last 2 weeks have be just terrible. 
He has moved into an apartment 5 minutes walk away. He is going to come and see the children everyday and he is going to spen xmas with us. 
He has given me a key to his apartment and i have been to take a look and helped him with moving. I am heartbroken but we both need the space to heal and to find ourselves again.
There is no talk of divorce but no mention of R either. But we a determined to put our children first and make this as easy on them as possible.
Its a crazy situation. For the time being he is going to call in everyday to see me and the children and we are going out xmas shopping and for lunch on Friday. He is also attending a new years eve party with me, at his suggestion. 
Are these really the actions of a man who want to go off with his AE partner? Only time will tell i suppose, but for now the arrangement is ok. Its almost as if we have to wean ourselves of each other. Which works for both of us. i would be devastated all over again if i thought that we couldnt even be friends after living in each others pockets for 18 years.

A very sad day, but, one which had to come, whatever the future holds.

By the way, the 180 wasnt working for me. i took some of it on board, stopped telling him i love him, didnt beg him to stay etc etc, but we have got through this by comforting each other, crying together and just trying to be as respectful to each other as possible and it has helped us both.


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