# Interesting news about the OW-feedback please!



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

At this point, I have pretty much written off my H and his OW. My thoughts are that if he wants out, I'll give him exactly what he wants. I've been lied to and deceived for months. He watched me teeter on the brink of a nervous breakdown for months while he acted like an insensitive ass - having his cake and eating it too. 

In any event, a friend of mine was doing a little digging into the OW's background and she came across some interesting news. The OW is currently divorced. However, while married she was a member of a website that catered to married people who were looking for girlfriends/boyfriends. I find that very interesting since my H obviously drank the Kool-aid and thinks she is fantastic. In fact, the only thing I've ever said about her to him is that I think she is a piece of trash and he actually got defensive. Well, I'm hoping that this trashbag puts my H through the same hurt he inflicted on me. 

Any thoughts on this from my friends here? Is she a serial cheater and what are the odds that she's going to screw him over too????


----------



## Tanelornpete (Feb 2, 2010)

> Any thoughts on this from my friends here? Is she a serial cheater and what are the odds that she's going to screw him over too????


It is absolutely impossible to know if this woman is a 'serial cheater' or not - at best, all that can be known from this information is that she was looking for a partner before she was divorced. More often than not the reason (by a _huge_ margin) is that she most likely was unhappy in her previous marriage - there were problems there she was trying to escape (or 'solve') by finding someone else. 

I would point this out, however: the chances of a repeat are likely: unless this woman learns how to face and fix problems, she will most take the same step each time a problem that she doesn't want to face emerges. The same can be said of _anyone_ involving themself in infidelity - including your own spouse!


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I'm certain that, given her past, she'll do something that will make him regret the day he started dippin' into the Kool-Aid. And when she does, I'll bet anything that he'll come begging you to take him back!


----------



## MataHari (Nov 4, 2010)

Blown as was said above, it is difficult to tell how things will be but of course for us it is impossible to believe what H is feeling for OW is love. They are both using each other to get what they want, it's selfish desire....being in their fog will not help at the moment. Just like you I also wish he can open his eyes soon and see for himself what he has got himself into. H has left on the 1st to be accross the ATL with OW, how can he even have the guts....we are still married....he left a note for me to go and talk to some consultant about how to proceed with divorce, he does not want to get lawyers involved!! He is in a hurry to settle down with OW?? Except for him, every one else can see that he has lost his mind!! Right now I am trying to just avoid talking to him...strangely though I tell myself that i should try to reason him.....but how can i do that when he is convinced that he is in love with OW ? It's only when OW will come back to solid ground facing the real truth that she will probably ask herself if this is what she wants....I still feel that I know my H and she does not. She is only seeing the good, rosy and dreamy side of being in a new relationship with someone who is giving her 200% attention.....


----------



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

Mata - I don't know what they're thinking, but at this point, it looks like they have made their choice. Mine is not pushing for any kind of paperwork, but that's because we are both attorneys and he knows that I'll move forward one way or the other. I don't think reasoning with him is going to do any good. As my counselor says, we're trying to make something rational out of the irrational. I may be coming at this the completely wrong way, but my opinion is that if H is going to treat me like I'm disposable, I'm going to act like it. If he wants me to disappear, that's exactly what I'll do. It hurts like hell but I won't allow him to make me feel horrible every minute of every day. It's hard for you to believe now, but the less contact you have, the more you start to detach and the better you start to feel. I think it's a mistake to try to save things at all costs, including all of your self-esteem and dignity. I understand when they give you hope - I was all for fighting when he gave me a small bit of hope. I fought as much as I could for my family. But, when I found out the truth and I put 2 and 2 together to see the level of deception, I had to put an end to it. We don't deserve that. Mourn the person that he was. He's not that person anymore. If he returns, then it's up to you to figure out if you want him back. For now though, he does not want to come back. So, do everything you can do to make yourself start to heal. Slowly but surely, step by step. You need to heal.


----------



## MataHari (Nov 4, 2010)

Blown, I've not been posting much lately, but have been visiting the site now and then. I have gone through your message again just now and it's so true what you mention. Let me give you a short review of how things have been since the 31st. On that day, I spent new year's eve on my own by joining the large public in town (so ok in a way I was surrounded by a crowd). There was the countdown to midnight and when everyone was falling in the arms of each other I felt like my heart was going to explode....I concentrated on thinking of my kids and that helped. From then on, it was like something clicked or snapped....I told myself, it's the first day of a new year, I have to look ahead as there is no use living in the past. The next day, on the 1st, I knew that H was flying to be with OW. I went to the holiday house where my inlaws were with the kids and we spent the most wonderful first week end of the year. Knowing that H has preferred to leave the kids and run on the other side of the atlantic kind of placed this incredible hatred and disgusted feeling in me. Already I was ignoring him when he was around (he was not often)...he was therefore gone for a whole week. After the weekend I came back home as I had to work, and I spent such a peaceful week by myself...I started getting used to being by myself....but yesterday everyone was back. I continued ignoring H. Even when he was here, I did not see him...as you say the less contact you have the more distant you feel. I told myself that it's no use lingering on the past. I'll always keep fond memories of the person I married, the father of my kids, but right now this person is no more. It has hurt a lot but I realised that nothing can be any worst that what it was during the two months that followed the revelation. I have mourned and now I am looking ahead. I will go to the divorce advisors to know what are my rights and where I stand, financially, with the house we own together, the kids etc....I told myself I can make a choice and I better make it also for the good of my children. H has found a flat and will be moving out soon....I am sure from then on life around the house will be a lot breathable! My biggest concern right now is how my youngest one will go through this. She is not even 6 and will be all confused as to why Daddy is moving out. She is very close to him, as all daughters I guess....my son is asking questions and his grandma or myself, we try to answer him to the best we can, but I want H to sit down with them and explain his acts....
It's incredible all the support I've had, firstly from my in laws then from colleagues, neighbours and one or two close friends...this has really given me the lift I needed to pick myself up....I don't wish anyone to go through this, it's unfortunate though that we hear about it more and more....
I have a few days off from work this week, I will go and enquire some more from the authorities and will spend the week end away with families...I hope this will do me some good to help me in my determination to get my kids as less affected as possible from this unwanted mess.
Thanks again for all the support from this wonderful forum.


----------



## blownaway (Dec 11, 2010)

Mata - good for you! I'm glad that the switch went off and that you are now focusing more on yourself and your children. I had a good conversation with a friend of mine who had this happen to him several years ago. Honestly, he got "whammied" by his ex-wife and it was not a good situation. But, he handled it with such grace - he came out looking like a true class-act. He thinks very poorly of his ex-wife, but he knows that his children adore her so he has vowed to never speak badly about her or reveal to his kids what really happened. At the same time, he thought enough of himself and his own self worth to just walk away and never look back. Of course, he was hurt and destroyed just like the rest of us, but he focused on the blessings that he had and still has and feels as though the ex gave him the chance to meet someone else and have a shot at real happiness rather than the feigned happiness that the cheaters present. So, hang in there. There are other people who have gotten through and have come out stronger on the other side. It's not about how we got knocked down. It's about how we got back up. ...


----------



## MataHari (Nov 4, 2010)

Yes in a way, the best thing is to look at the positive sides once we manage to accept the situation and decide to move on. I don't talk bad about H to the kids, no matter how much the sight of him disgusts me. He is their father and he treats them well, they have fun together....let's see how things are once he moves out....I just hope that the children end up understanding that things are not the same between mum and dad but this has nothing to do with them, instead, we both love them as much as before...only time will tell, today the priority is the well being of my kids....


----------

