# Desiring another?



## Sara Ann (Aug 27, 2010)

My H says men always desire other women. That makes sense: biology dictates men to spread their sperm. 

I never desire another man. I don't want another man to touch me (but I have a fantasy of a husband watching while I am with his wife - my fantasy requires that he really loves her). I also don't want to take the time to make sure he has what I require: a big c*ck and the luxury of time and the intelligence to please me. Again, biology: for a man to be successful with me he needs to be well endowed, intelligent, and keep the enemy away for a while, prove he can provide for my offspring, etc. 

So I'm wondering how others feel - do men desire women all the time? Are women more selective? Is it only biological, or does your personal situation come into play?


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

In an animal world, it is usually the most powerful male gets to have the whole group. 

Once a man was joking with me on a different forum, he said that men with intelligent gens should plant his seeds at more places, it is good for human development. 

I was amused. But isn't this true? Men who are more powerful in life tend to have many women in their life. I don't mean cheating around. I mean those successful career men won't be happy just with one woman. 

That's why I didn't want to marry a successful career man since I knew what's in his nature. 

I just want a man who is only happy with me. I don't care if he is successful or not as long as he brings home money.


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## Knightdriver (Oct 1, 2010)

Sara Ann said:


> So I'm wondering how others feel - do men desire women all the time? Are women more selective? Is it only biological, or does your personal situation come into play?


I'm male, married, and I desire women I'm not married to all the time. What usually changes this is talking to these other women. Of the many I've talked to for more than a few minutes, there are very few I'll take the chance to talk to a few minutes more. Of the remaining, I've only seriously considered sex with two of them, and one was an old flame. So yes, men do desire other women. But the number of women they would actually care enough to pursue is actually much smaller than it seems.

Are women more selective? Well I can't answer that, but from where I stand the answer looks like, no. It seems more like women, when they find someone, stop looking for the most part. Men to not stop looking, but this is no indication of their actual selectiveness. 

The classic metaphor for this difference of the sexes is to say that "Men look at other women, the way that women look at shoes they can't afford." You don't want every one you see, but when one catches your eye, you spend time looking and considering what it would be like to have them.


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## Nekko (Oct 13, 2009)

Women are more selective based on what options they have in my opinion. If they can have any guy they want, they'll make a sort of ladder and try to get what's on the top if it. Example on myself. When i was secure and confident, i had pretty high standards on what attracted me in a guy. The smarter the better. Other's weren't interesting to me. Since i lost that confidence, i'm attracted to nearly any man i encounter. 

The simple rule to it is : women need to find the best male to mate with, to ensure that they have "high-quality" children which will survive.
Males on the other hand are wired to impregnate as many women and spread their genes. This is on the logic...if i make 100, at least 2-3 will survive. 

Attraction, at the pure bottom of it, is more like your brain pointing out that a viable person you could "mate" with is around. You notice those people like you'd notice a loud, fast car passing by (potential danger). I think both men and women look just as much after people of the opposite sex, but women are attracted to a lower number of men because some just don't fit the "good quality male for mating" criteria.


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## HopeinHouston (Mar 1, 2010)

I'm male, married for 16 years and I never desire other women AT ALL. I can appreciate beauty, and identify a woman who is attractive, but I don't "linger" over or fantaasize over anyone else. The wife and I have a strong sex life so I don't have to masturbate often, but when I do it is her that I fantasize about, never anyone else. 

Maybe I'm the odd man out, but I believe that lifelong commitment is absolutely possible. And I don't struggle with attraction to anyone else. In fact the wife and I go dancing almost every week and I don't even like to dance with anyone else. My wife is all I need or want.


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## ButterflyKisses (Aug 30, 2010)

HopeinHouston said:


> I'm male, married for 16 years and I never desire other women AT ALL. I can appreciate beauty, and identify a woman who is attractive, but I don't "linger" over or fantaasize over anyone else. The wife and I have a strong sex life so I don't have to masturbate often, but when I do it is her that I fantasize about, never anyone else.
> 
> Maybe I'm the odd man out, but I believe that lifelong commitment is absolutely possible. And I don't struggle with attraction to anyone else. In fact the wife and I go dancing almost every week and I don't even like to dance with anyone else. My wife is all I need or want.


:smthumbup:


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Been married 12 years, and love my wife dearly, but I do have "celebrity crushes". I fantasize about them, but to me it is "safe" because I know I would never meet any of them. I never fantasize about women I know personally.


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## Lonely&Tired (Oct 1, 2010)

I know for me....i never desired anyone else till my wife started turning me down. At first it was just a quick daydream of someone else who actually wanted intimacy because she didnt. Now that we've been sexless for as long as we have been....i dont dream or think about her as often because i dont think it will ever happen. Why fantasize about a woman you know will say...no


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## jmsclayton (Sep 5, 2010)

Hi

The key is to find out why she doesn't want it. Be it emotional issues for whatever reason or-trauma. Things can be done at home to start the process. 

Is she have experience trauma? 

Women need to think about it in order to have any interest. If their lives are so busy that they dont realize they need effort to put into it -... to help the process along besides touch

Judith


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## ThinkTooMuch (Aug 6, 2010)

I'm male, when I see an attractive woman, especially the younger, obviously fertile variety, I desire them even though its been 40+ years since I lost my virginity. After almost as many years of marriage and living together I have not acted on that urge, turning down a number of more than explicit offers.

Like many other posters here I want to make love to my wife more often than she is interested, in fact she has told me to find a lover, a course I won't follow yet - too concerned about emotional connections that in my case have always preceded "close" friendships. 

Given the past few years, her depression with no libido, I'm surprised I haven't been actively searching plentyoffish and craigslist. I will admit to looking, fantasizing, and really missing the woman who was once a sheet rocker of the highest order as well as planning to date once I move out and physically separate in November- the lack of emotional intimacy as much as the lack of real sex has caused me to live in a nether world I can't and won't endure much longer despite W's improved spirits, I think I'll name her computer as a co-respondent.

Sorry for meandering, I want to say the OP is an a very non-enviable position - I support her actions though I doubt the affair and marriage can both survive intact.








Sara Ann said:


> My H says men always desire other women. That makes sense: biology dictates men to spread their sperm.
> 
> I never desire another man. I don't want another man to touch me (but I have a fantasy of a husband watching while I am with his wife - my fantasy requires that he really loves her). I also don't want to take the time to make sure he has what I require: a big c*ck and the luxury of time and the intelligence to please me. Again, biology: for a man to be successful with me he needs to be well endowed, intelligent, and keep the enemy away for a while, prove he can provide for my offspring, etc.
> 
> So I'm wondering how others feel - do men desire women all the time? Are women more selective? Is it only biological, or does your personal situation come into play?


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