# 25th anniversary...no gift?



## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

I have been married to my husband for 25 years now. From previous posts I have told you that we were having great difficulty last year due to him being caught receiving oral sex from men on a swinger website and posting nude pics of himself on a profile. All my discoveries were on our home computer. I am now teaching out of the country and we have reconciled. He recently came for a week to celebrate our 25th. I was left with a lighter (From a bar in Osaka where he says he met a girl? 5 years ago) and we shared a bottle of champange and several dinners out. He did not give me a gift for our anniversary!!!

Again I am left broken hearted....Opinions please???

Is this marriage over? I was really willing to try to keep it together but I thought he should have stepped it up with a gift..after all the pain he has caused me

amanda


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

I didn't read your post about your great difficulty last year.

Maybe he thought since he came to see you, all the dinners, drinks, and time spent together was enough. Yes he should of bought a gift. After 25 years he should know you better. Did you tell him your feelings were hurt?


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

yes I have really suffered from the bisexual discovery but I was willing to put it behind us...but coming to see me with no gift after all the pain he has caused me is unbelieveable. I don't want to sound like a greedy wife but don't husbands usually give their wives something for 25th anniversary?
all I have now is a bar lighter to remind me of his infidelity 5 years ago and a cork from the champagne bottle that he wrote our names on.....does this sound like a man that really wants the marriage to work? Am I being unreasonable?


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Like 4sure said he probably thought coming there was the gift. Every husband handles these things differently. Did he give you gifts every anniversary? Money Problems. I admit I would give my wife a gift but if my wife came to see me out of the country without a gift I would not have a problem. Again that's me. Its obvious that he does not understand your strong feelings toward this. IMO your marriage is not over.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

i can't keep getting hurt...I don't think we should be married any more


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

No you are not being unreasonable nor are you greedy. Gifts are not about the material possession, but the giver saying, "you are valuable to me."

Allow me to be honest with you. It sounds like your husband is in the marriage because
1. He is comfortable
2. You are a good person who makes his life alot easier.
3. He knows how good he has it with you in his life.
4. Cheaper to keep her. Have you heard this saying. I'm sure after 25 years you two have accumulated alot.

He may love you because you are good to him, trustworthy, but not in that passion/desire kind of way.

Bottom line: Do you want to stay, balls in your court


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

Yes ofcourse we have accumulated alot...so is there a saying "cheaper to keep her"?
Yes this may be the case here...it would be financially devestating to split that is for sure. He did recently visit me (I am working abroad)had a good time sex is good as usual but yet I do feel that by not giving me an anniversary gift something is missing in the relationship. He has reached 50 now and maybe somebody younger is what he "really" wants.
Just not feeling he is on board 100% the way I need him to be.
I am beginning to feel this is the end now for me...but the other side of that is being alone. I am 51 and still being told attractive. Where do I go from here? Is there any true love anymore?
I am quit depressed I must say. After 25 years 2 children worked so hard and now I can't bear to go it alone, but I am so alone in this relationship.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

Hard to believe he would come for a week to celebrate the anniversary and just happen to forget a gift. For good or bad it has to be intentional.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

yes it is time to move on isn't it


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## Justin123 (Nov 13, 2010)

Over 25 year history you probably know whether he (not you, but *he*) feels gifts are important or not, and you could probably guess whether *he* would consider coming to see you as a gift in itself. There are certainly people out there who don't care about gifts and might be gifting due to pressure but could easily honestly forget such things if left to their own ways. It does not necessarily make them bad - it's just the way they are. But you should know how he feel on the subject.

If a person really wants to make a point by not giving a gift, why would he come to visit for a week? Seems strange to me.

Disclaimer: I am normally the wrong person to give advice on these matters.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

maybe because he is cheap? he was getting his blow jobs from men for free
after cheating on your wife with men and women just maybe a gift would have made the difference that would make me believe he was really into making it work...this is so "f"ing twisted it is way beyond repair. I just am having a really hard time moving on.


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