# Starting from the beginning



## wife1983 (Mar 20, 2011)

It is our anniversary in a few days and I am determined to make the coming year better than the previous year. I cannot cope with another year like the last! Sex is such a small part of life but when it is problematic, the pain and unhappiness it causes is getting too great to live with. 

I know that counselling is considered the best way forward but my husband is completely against this and it is just not worth pushing for. 

We have been through so terribly rough times together but we are still together which has to say something! He tells me every day he loves me, we are still very close ie holding hands, cuddling, kissing, we have a great time together, we like being together, he is my best friend, I trust him completely and I couldn't imagine a world without him by my side. (hmm maybe a good starting point would be to tell him this - I just assume he knows this!)

Our failings are bottling of our emotions and opinions (probably out of fear of hurting the other) until they come out in an 'discussion' and a lack of ability to communicate about important emotional issues and problems like our massive elephant in the room- no sex. 

So I was planning on starting from the beginning again and slowly working our way back together again. Just starting with something simple like having two proper snogs a day for a fortnight. At the moment we peck but when I can get him to kiss me like he means it - Wow!! (Is it wrong to tell him what strong effect just a short kiss with him has on me or should I keep that to myself to avoid scaring him?) Ideas like spending just 30 mins every few days together with no electrical equipment on just talking about us. Going out for a meal together and actually spending some time together when we get home rather than going our separate ways. Getting him to come to bed at the same time as me a few nights a week so we can cuddle when we fall asleep. 

I want to keep the pressure away from sex but try to just get us back in step romantically again. The actual sex I can live without if I have to but I so miss 'clicking' with my husband and feeling the incredible feelings he causes in me when he is romantic with me! 

I have no idea if any of this can help make up for the years of pain we have endured or his current issues with sex (he doesn't even ask for oral any more - he always used to) - I am working on getting him to see a doctor but nothing happening so far. I cannot find anything too objectionable in my plans. At least then I can say I have tried and fingers crossed it may help us!


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Wife,

I believe he'd respond rather well to exactly the way you described things above. You miss sex, but it seems what you crave more is the intimacy, the closeness of your man. It empowers you, gives you strength, and without it, you feel incomplete. Everyone wants to feel needed and significant and what better way to tell him than with your words above? He probably feels quite embarrassed and guilty because he knows you desire sex, but it might make him feel a little more bolstered just to hear that what you need most is just "him". You've got a great attitude and he's lucky to have you. Congratulations on your anniversary and I wish you both years and years of peace and abundant love.


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## River1977 (Oct 25, 2010)

You will likely find help here or here.


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