# he doesnt get it...



## mishu143 (Jun 20, 2011)

Hi everyone, 

i feel silly doing this because I have a lot to be grateful for. I am married to a man I love very much. A man who has allowed me to stay home with my children who are now 4 and 4 months. We have several issues within our marriage and they stem from money. I stayed home with my first son until he was a year old and then went off to work because although we were living rent free for that first year and then again for another year we could not save money. When we didnt have enough in our checking account I would have to pull out a credit card. Not to mention all his electronics were purchsed under my credit. He didnt have credit and I sat at home fixing it for him. Long story short. I worked for three years without saving a penny. I am now going bankrupt. I said forget it if I work and nothing comes from it Id rather raise my children and stay home. So I did. I am grateful. 

But now I am constantly worried about money. He does not control his spending in the least bit. I have to hound him about how much is left in the account and how he needs to stop spending. Im like a broken record. I try so hard to budget and show him what we have left over after the bills are paid but the money still goes away. Everytime we have a savings built up he finds a reason to pull it out. He justifies his behavior by telling me that i am a sour-pus and need to learn to enjoy life. I spend zero on myself. Zero! If you see me you would think i lived in the street. My hair is not done. My nails look grotesque and my eyebrows get so overgrown I want to shave them off! Im tired. I was not like this beforee we got married. I didnt think in a million years he would make me feel this way. 

He does not have agood money habits. Let me also say that he spends his money on crap. There is nothing to show for it. Gas station purchases, food, etc... He is a wasteful person. The last 1500 we had in saving went into renting a lot at a vacation spot and I have to be happy about that too. He makes me feel so insecure. 

We began seeing a counselor last week but I feel helpless, this is the 2nd time we see one. I am also doing individual therpay for Anger issues because ofcourse he says that I am the reason he s the wasy he is. Then I get angry, explode and still lose the argument. 

IM SO TIRED. MY HEART ACHES CONSTANTLY. Not to mention I dont trust him anymore because I caught him texting an old friend (that he used to have sex with :-(. ). And Im supposed to accept his apology and forget it. I dont know what the text say and never will know fully but the bottom line is he hid her number under a fake client name and told me to leave him alone. Only saying sorry after a badger him for it. 

I really want to leave him sometimes, but I love him. I dont want my kids to be without their dad. And I will have to work again to support my children and never see them. Someone else will raise my kids and have the same life I had. My mom was a great mother but she was alone and worked like a dog to make sure I had everything I wanted. I misse dout on her attention though and got into trouble. Dont want that for my kids. 

I dont know what to do. Im conflicted. Very. Money is the root of all evil. especially in my house!


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## Honie (Jun 26, 2011)

sounds like a really difficult situation. I know the feeling about having zero to spend on your self (my mother took me shopping and bought me new clothes and underwear because she knew that I could not afford that myself. It was humiliating to let someone help me like and I am usually way to proud to accept it).

I get the same thing when I say we need to control the spending because we have bills, I get told that all I care about is money and that I could spend it on myself If I wanted to. (umm.. actually I cant spend it on myself because the bills need to get paid somehow!) 

What do you think you will do? Are you able to access the money before he does and have all the bills set up to come out the same day as pay day?

Its horrible that you think that he is cheating on you too... the icing on the cake! 

how do you feel counceling? does it help? i've suggested it and he's told me that 'i'll just tell them what they want to hear anyway'. which makes me think I dont want to waste MY money paying for us to go...


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