# Wife wanted separation and then told me she cheated on me



## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Well where to start! 3 days after separation I finally got out of her that she cheated on me one weekend was not together. 

It was an older guy on her team! I took it as shock and he is old and she is 13 years younger. I left the house as I was in shock. 

The day I left is when she started dating him openly. It’s been almost a month now. We been married for 10 years n together almost 12. 

We have 3 kids and I thought a wonderful life. It was like a switch. She blamed me for being unhappy for a while now and blamed me for getting drunk one night as the final draw. But she cheated 5 days earlier. 

I tried everything to tell her about this guy. We live in a small town. Everyone talks. His girlfriend reached out to me about him. Said this will be the third time he has cheated on her. I tried to tell my wife this guy is a scumbag. 

But seems to be grasping hard to him with everything I say. She had not told her parents what she did just that I was a bad husband. After a week they decided to talk to me. I explained everything and what she was doing.

They was on my side then they went to go talk to her. They flipped back on me in two minutes. Don’t know what was said but was in shock again as her parents were backing me for her infidelity. 

Now wife said this is beyond repair and I’m trying to ruin her good name. And this was selfish for telling them the truth. I said eel if you didn’t have nothing to hide you would of told them you been cheating and seeing this guy.

Well I have no other life lines and need to accept she wants a divorce. Hard to think it’s over! Just like that she threw away 11 years for this guy! 

He still lives at home at 46 with mom n dad. Has grandkids older than our youngest. And has 3 kids from three different women! I love her but don’t know how to stop thinking about them. 

She totally spends all her free time now with him. I even heard he won’t even introduce her to his kids.


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## Imajerk17 (Apr 10, 2018)

I'm sorry to hear this man.

1. It always boggles my mind how too many women will justify cheating on their husbands 'for not being a good enough man'--even rewriting marital history if they have to--but then the guy they cheated on you with is the town scumbag. Cripes. I wouldn't try to make sense of her foggy lies and justifications. For example, your being drunk that one time was the last straw is bull, look at all the far-worse sins of her new Mr Wonderful she is overlooking. She'll overlook all his other flaws such as he being a deadbeat parent at 46 but she'll hold it against you that time in 2009 when you forgot to take out the garbage.

2. Her parents will take her side, even if she is in the wrong. Trying to get them to see the light is a fools' errand.

I don't think there is anything you can do but move towards divorce. You need to think about protecting yourself and protecting your kids. The Pick-Me Dance, or good grief trying to 'reason' with her, are all doomed strategies.

And keep posting here. We got your back man.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Likely been going on longer than she admits. She has 'fired' you--her choice and NOT your fault. You may want to check for STDs.

BTW: I don't think she has a 'good name.' Just what is it about her that you love? What have you done that you did not tell us about?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Fabio said:


> Well where to start! 3 days after separation I finally got out of her that she cheated on me one weekend was not together. It was an older guy on her team! I took it as shock and he is old and she is 13 years younger. I left the house as I was in shock. The day I left is when she started dating him openly. It’s been almost a month now. We been married for 10 years n together almost 12. We have 3 kids and I thought a wonderful life. It was like a switch. She blamed me for being unhappy for a while now and blamed me for getting drunk one night as the final draw. But she cheated 5 days earlier. I tried everything to tell her about this guy. We live in a small town. Everyone talks. His girlfriend reached out to me about him. Said this will be the third time he has cheated on her. I tried to tell my wife this guy is a scumbag. But seems to be grasping hard to him with everything I say. She had not told her parents what she did just that I was a bad husband. After a week they decided to talk to me. I explained everything and what she was doing. They was on my side then they went to go talk to her. They flipped back on me in two minutes. Don’t know what was said but was in shock again as her parents were backing me for her infidelity. Now wife said this is beyond repair and I’m trying to ruin her good name. And this was selfish for telling them the truth. I said eel if you didn’t have nothing to hide you would of told them you been cheating and seeing this guy. Well I have no other life lines and need to accept she wants a divorce. Hard to think it’s over! Just like that she threw away 11 years for this guy! He still lives at home at 46 with mom n dad. Has grandkids older than our youngest. And has 3 kids from three different women! I love her but don’t know how to stop thinking about them. She totally spends all her free time now with him. I even heard he won’t even introduce her to his kids.


The affair was going on much longer than you know, it wasn't a one night thing that "just happened". 

You've gotten the standard fare unhappy speech and she following the typical cheater book. Don't waste your breath trying to tell her about him, she's got it in her head he's Mr perfect and the more you try the more she will overlook all his bad qualities and it makes you look weak gasping st straws to hold onto her. 

Her family is gonna side with her, that's a hopeless angle in the long term. As much as you don't want to you should file for divorce. She's got her head stuck in the clouds right now, your best chance for a good deal is now,,leave her in lala land cause once the affair falls apart getting a deal is much much harder. The om is having fun, he's not a long term player in this mess and once she wants more of a relationship he will most likely bail.


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## Imajerk17 (Apr 10, 2018)

sunsetmist said:


> Likely been going on longer than she admits. She has 'fired' you--her choice and NOT your fault. You may want to check for STDs.
> 
> BTW: I don't think she has a 'good name.' Just what is it about her that you love? *What have you done that you did not tell us about?*


I agree that it has been going on much longer than 5 days--more like months. 

But here is where I disagree with you: Her running off with the town scumbag has nothing to do with what the OP did or didn't do. Cripes. I mean, look at all the sins she is overlooking in OM. [I do see that you wrote that this isn't OP's fault but then why would you even ask 'what the OP did'? Why do you see it as relevant here. OP wasn't perfect--who is--but she ran off with someone with far more serious flaws than OP's.]

WW blaming OP for 'ruining her good name' [instead of blaming herself for cheating] by deigning to actually tel the truth of why his marriage ended--she ran off w another man, seems pretty standard.

As far as what OP 'sees' in his WW, Let's look at this from the OP's side: The way this typically goes for someone in his position, he thought he had a good marriage up until months ago where she started acting distant, cold, ect. Then the bomb is dropped on him and the woman he fell in love with is gone. Or rather has become someone OP doesn't recognize. Basically OP just got his heart broken.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

The thing she blames on me is that I’m a alcoholic, emotionally abusive, and have anger issues.

I know I’m not an alcoholic, we have arguments in our marriage. I get mad sometimes but who doesn’t. 

One thing I can remember from a few years back she stated she wanted her life back, the one she had before kids. 

This has haunted me since then. Wow we have had such a hard time with the last two kids pregnancies.

I guess I can’t believe she just decided she didn’t want this family one day. I days I have the kids she is spending every day with him. 

She don’t even take the kids anywhere. I love been doing that. Kids sports she forgot about. 

I’ve did that last few times. Only thing she thinks about is her new relationship. The guy does drug n sells on the side to support his habit! No money because child support takes it all. 

His last girlfriend say he don’t pay for anything. So she is paying for everything now and they go out of town so they don’t be seen. 

But I’m told he will get sick of her quick as she will be too clingy. All I want to see from her is that she made a bad choice and is regretful. In her state of mind she won’t acknowledge that. 

She work on her problems. I’ve read some articles that she is going through a midlife crisis. 

That she needs to figure that out. I can’t say anything to her because it all backfired so far. I tried to save this and hard for me to accept she is gone! She choose him over this family!


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Another thing! She has traded this life with me and our family for really nothing! 

The guy is a gold digger. He saw what we had as a family! I told her when we divorce it is all going, sell the house, boat, toys!

All you will have left for him is your van and a smaller house! All we got left in the divorce is debt to divide!

Then what is he going to do! I don’t think I’m going to allow him to live with you smoking those drugs while my kids are there! The other sad thing is he still texts his ex saying he loves and misses her! That he wants her back!

Ivcan’t for the day it all goes south! By that time I hope to feel better and realize I don’t that crap in my life. Right now it hurts so bad. To her it’s like nothing happened and she is free! Like she is divorced already! 

My friends say she will just move on to the next scum bag. Be prepared for that. Right now she has no common sense and dignity. Just hoing around! 

As far as before then she been playing in same team for a 4 months now. They probably develop a emotional relationship first as this is what that guy does. Swoon women as he think she has money!


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

Standard cheater talk my friend. Dont fall for it and immediately have her serve with D papers, she needs a wake up call that you mean business....you cant stop or slow down the D if you wish, but do file asap


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Fabio, I'm really sorry you are here. From your description of her, your WW sounds like a skank you really didn't recognize at the time you married her. Anyway, do your 180 and no pick me stuff. You will never really get over her betrayal, but you can learn to adjust to it. And sometime soon you'll be free to find a woman who will love you as you deserve.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She cheats while you move out? 

File immediately!!!!! Move back into your home and let her move out.

Right now you are accepting her actions. Why? She is currently rubbing your nose in it. Not taking immediate action gets you nothing.

Full exposure!!!!!! Everyone!!! Now!!!!

Go no contact except for kids or business. Text or email only. Do not answer any phone calls from her directly. Let them go to voicemail and respond by text only kids or business related issues. Ignore anything else. Pick up or drop offs of kids should only be a 3 minute exercise with zero engagement.

Better wake up and get started quickly


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

It is hard for me to process this! She is living life never skipped a beat! She tells me that she is happy now! 

I’m thinking well yea because I take the kids every time you want to go out! She thinks this new relationship is what was missing from her life.

This scumbag can’t even live on his own. He try’s to move in with these women with houses. I’ve been told he won’t raise your kids. 

He don’t even really see his grand kids! I just wish she would wake up and process what she has done. 

I really need help understanding the harm she has caused to me and the kids. They continue to ask when I’m coming home. Her parents just turned on me after telling them what she was really doing.

I just want to wake up from this nightmare! I dream about them all the time. I get anxiety thinking of life without my family. I think why she threw it all away for her selfish reasons!


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## faithfulman (Jun 4, 2018)

Very tough break Fabio 

Divorce her, get full custody, move on with your life.

Trust me, you don't want her back, she can destroy only her own life or drag down you and your entire family.

***

And I'm not trying to be a jerk, but please start using paragraphs in your posts, they are very difficult to read as one big wall of text.


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

Get it together. Your kids are your first priority. See a lawyer ASAP and pick a path. A co-worker wife did the same thing to him. He let her go and took the kids and made a life with them and eventually remarried. Your wife isn't coming back, and you should not want someone back with such weak character.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Yea I am trying. As of right now it is so new to me. My kids asking why mom is not coming with us. Why do we sleep at grandmas and not at home. 

I am just stuck on the fact one day she decided she was done! She stated it was over for sometime and she decided that was the last draw. I think of it as she is putting he blame on me to make her exit easier!

After the parents tried to talk with her she came at me with how could you do this to me! You are selfish for trying to get everyone against me! I could never forgive you for this as trying to paint me as the bad guy. After 3 weeks your parents needed to know the truth! If you so proud of what your doing you would of told them. So that’s where we left that.

Now with kids, I have them this weekend as she is out with friends. Everyone says she will choose the bar life over her family. Eventually you will have them more and more then 100. She is hooked on the bar life and going out. Spends no time with these kids. Very sad.

One thing I forgot to mention she had a transformation of losing 100 lbs. she had the surgery almost 2 years ago. It has gone down hill from there. She has changed everything about herself. Now she craves the attention and I just need to tell myself she will do it again! This was stated when she told me she wanted a separation. I just need to wake up and get this over with.


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Fabio

1. *Never do the pick-me dance, never beg, never let her see you cry.* This only makes the OM seem strong compared to you.

2. *File for now and have her served.* This can be halted before the end if you wish, but do it now.

3. *Get checked for STD's.* Druggies have diseases.

4. *Be strong, be courageous, be decisive.* Let your kids see how they act to someone committing evil like this.

5. *Be ready for her to come crawling back.* Do not give in. Move on. Her life will become ****. Yours will be beyond her.

6. *Good luck Fabio. * Doing this to you is evil. Leave her behind.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

If it's any consolation, Fabio, her relationship will just fall apart after a while. The guy already has a girlfriend and it's just a matter of time before he cheats again. What you should do is encourage her to spend time with him while you take care of the kids 90% of the time. Document all the time you're spending with the kids and use it to get custody of them and a better divorce settlement. After her midlife crisis is over and she comes crawling back, you can determine if there's anything of her that you still want.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Fabio said:


> One thing I forgot to mention *she had a transformation of losing 100 lbs. she had the surgery almost 2 years ago.* It has gone down hill from there. She has changed everything about herself. *Now she craves the attention* and I just need to tell myself she will do it again! This was stated when she told me she wanted a separation. I just need to wake up and get this over with.


 This happens way more often than you'd expect. You see it here regularly.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

What sport? How long has she been doing that?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Fabio -- listen to @skerzoid. 
There are a few other things 
-- get your finances separated NOW.
Take 1/2 your money out of any joint acccounts into accounts ONLY you access. Close any joint credit cards.
--Get with a lawyer ASAP otherwise she can run up bills and ruin YOUR credit.
PLEASE get with a lawyer asap. YOu need to know your rights, your child custody, and your financial future.

DOCUMENT all the times you have the kids and that she leaves.
DOCUMENT everything she is doing. Keep a VAR (Voice Activated Recorder) on you at ALL times when she is near you or talking to you.

EXPOSE this to all your friends/family/etc.. Don't worry about her parents -- they of course will believe/support HER not you. Make sure you explain to your children in an age-appropriate manner what is going on and why you and their Mom won't be together anymore.

Also, if this guy is dealing drugs you DO NOT want him around your kids. Get a PI to investigate him and get any results like this to the cops.

Keep looking after your kids and YOU (eat right, don't drink, exercise...).
Very sorry you are going through this, but you WILL make it and be better off. Your wife isn't who you thought she was and now she is showing you her true self.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Fabio said:


> Yea I am trying. As of right now it is so new to me. My kids asking why mom is not coming with us. Why do we sleep at grandmas and not at home.
> 
> I am just stuck on the fact one day she decided she was done! She stated it was over for sometime and she decided that was the last draw. I think of it as she is putting he blame on me to make her exit easier!
> 
> ...


You've got to quit listening to what she is saying, most of it is just self justifying babble to make herself feel better. 

You should move back into your home as your making this too easy for her to live the party life and from a legal standpoint depending on what state you live in it could be considered that you've abandoned the homestead from a divorce standpoint. You need to talk to a lawyer and you need to protect yourself. 

Yes you need to wake up and take action. None of the is what you wanted and it's horrible to go thru but the faster you take action the better off emotionally and financially you will be. She most likely won't file for divorce especially as long as your playing her game and your setting yourself up to be in the worst position here. File for divorce, protect yourself and kids, let her enjoy the party/affair life. Om will dump her eventually and then another will show up. She feeds off the attention and highs from guys hitting on her. 

She's going to blame you and make you the bad guy, it happens all the time.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Fabio said:


> she had a transformation of losing 100 lbs. she had the surgery almost 2 years ago. It has gone down hill from there. She has changed everything about herself. Now she craves the attention


This same thing happened to a good friend of mine. She lost weight, left him for a same-sex partner. Whenever you're feeling that her blame-shifting may have some kind of merit, tell yourself what you had to do with this.....

Please listen to the advice you have been given. Do it. Tomorrow. Go see a lawyer. You don't have to file actions if you don't want. Just make sure of your ground, then protect yourself and your children. Your wife has entered a mid-life crisis brought on by her weight loss and by her feelings about herself for all those years before.

People in mid-life-crisis go bat-****-crazy..... make sure she can't hurt you and your children financially......


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

She thinks you are an alcoholic. It is probably that you are a bad drunk...take a drink or two and your personality changes, and not in a good way.

Well....you do know that will screw up your marriage something fierce. Right?
You need to quit...cold turkey...like now. and see if after a while you can win her back


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Yea I’ve been sober 35 days now. So she can’t use that against me. But she don’t care. Using every excuse in the book to say I’m a awful person still. 

I’m trying day by day accepting this is over.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Fabio said:


> One thing I forgot to mention she had a transformation of losing 100 lbs. she had the surgery almost 2 years ago. It has gone down hill from there. She has changed everything about herself. Now she craves the attention and I just need to tell myself she will do it again!


Look up post gastric bypass infidelity. It is a thing. Oprah even had a number of shows about the drastic changes in personality and such in people that had weight loss surgery. 

Not only is infidelity a common occurrence after gastric bypass but so is alcoholism and drug abuse. 

There are many cases of people who were not drinkers at all who became raging alcoholics in the months following surgery.

This is something that has hit close to my home as well. One of my wife's best friends had GB surgery a number of years ago. She was a bit of a problem drinker in her past but had been pretty clean for many years before the surg and my wife warned her about drinking after GB. 

Long story short is she drank herself to death and died of liver and kidney failure at the age of 48. 

I'm not saying this is an excuse or get-out-of-jail-free card for abandoning her family and running off with the town *********. But I am saying this is not an uncommon occurance for people who have had a life-altering surgery and dramatic weightloss.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Fabio you need to use whatever legal means are available to you to protect your children and yourself from the woman who used to be your wife.

Reclaim your family home and get a protection order against your wife and her lover. Can't have a drug dealer in their lives. That just isn't right.


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## oldtruck (Feb 15, 2018)

Big mistake to move out of the house. WW can claim you abandoned the family.
That gives the WW the upper hand legally in court financially and custody.
Move your butt back in that house now.

Second mistake is not filing. See a lawyer tomorrow and file for divorce.

Third mistake is lying to your kids. The them that married people do not
have a BF or GF and come out on dates with them. Well mom has a BF
and is going out on dates with him, his name is __________________.

The kids need to be protected by the truth not from the truth. Also they
need to know the identity of the OM so they can protect themselves from
the OM.


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## red oak (Oct 26, 2018)

Fabio said:


> It is hard for me to process this! She is living life never skipped a beat! She tells me that she is happy now!
> 
> I’m thinking well yea because I take the kids every time you want to go out! She thinks this new relationship is what was missing from her life.
> 
> ...


She is immature. Her being "free" is simply being released from responsibility.

As much as one wants another to see their wrong such is unlikely to happen. No amount of talk is going to teach her anything. 
Move on to what you need to heal.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Well going on day 3 with the kids. For the first time I got a surprise text from her asking to talk with kids. I said when they wake up. This would be the first weekend she actually stayed at house without anyone with her.

3 Kids talked to her for a whole 2 minutes. First one talked the longest. Our oldest didn’t when say bye or he loved her. He just said Ok! The youngest first thing he told his mom is, I want to live with my dad! And didn’t say anything more to her.

Hopefully she is starting to get what she did to this family and this scumbag was worth it all! She destroyed a good marriage for the bar life and a low life of a guy that won’t even allow her to see his kids. I bet she has not even think if they continue that he would help with ours. As he has never took care of any of his. 

Well I hope she starts the feel the pain I’ve been having. Now she has no one left. Only one friend that distance herself for cheating and this guy. Soon it will be no one! Our kids didn’t even really care to talk this morning.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

Fabio, listen to your friends here. Make it as hard as possible for her.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

"My spouse is an alcoholic so to make things better I'm going to dump my spouse for a drug-taking drug dealer!" Said no sane person, ever.

She is full of nonsense and the sooner you see a divorce lawyer the better it will be for you and your children.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

It was a huge mistake for you to leave the marital home. She's the one that broke her vows, then she should leave. All she's going to do is move POS in with her.

There is nothing at the moment to work with. You need to file D. Let her family know EVERYTHING, especially her parents. Not in a "your daughter's a *****", but in a help me save her from herself."

You need to do a 180 to help you detach. Right now you're still falling for her lies. This was no recent ONS. This has been going on for a while.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Well just got done having a conversation with ex. I cannot believe this woman is so cold harted. She told me to stop breaking me up with him. So talking to his ex. She is lying about him. Also she is a smart woman and she has them lined up waiting to date her. Wow this lady!


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

Fabio said:


> Hopefully she is starting to get what she did to this family


Trust me on this.... she's not..... and, trust me on this, too..... the kind of contrition required for her to actually "get it" takes YEARS. Maybe, decades. That is, if it ever actually comes.....there are many people who are in their 60s and 70s and have been 30-40 years post affair, and STILL DON'T GET IT and STILL BLAME THEIR BS.



Fabio said:


> Well I hope she starts the feel the pain I’ve been having.


Trust me on this one, too. Fuhgedaboudit. She won't. At least, not for a long, long, long, long time, that is, IF she ever does. Just do everything you need to do to keep your kids and yourself from as much pain as you can.

And, whatever you do, just make sure. Damn sure. That you do not accept any blame for her choices, and that you do absolutely nothing to protect her from the consequences of her choices. Let them fall.



Fabio said:


> She has traded this life with me and our family for really nothing!


Yes, you are 100% correct. And, I am not Kreskin, and I have no index cards. But my guess is one of the coming realities is that the POSOM will get tired of her and will find his next schtup. Relationships which begin in adultery have very poor success rates. Once she is on her own, and becomes his wife, instead of his girl-friend, guess what he is going to do ???


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Fabio said:


> Well just got done having a conversation with ex. I cannot believe this woman is so cold harted. She told me to stop breaking me up with him. So talking to his ex. She is lying about him. Also she is a smart woman and she has them lined up waiting to date her. Wow this lady!


Quit having conversations with her! She isn't and won't listen to anything you have to say and the more you allow her to ramble her self diluted nonsense to you the more she convinces herself she is right.


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## niceguy47460 (Dec 23, 2018)

Go out find a girl better looking than her and let her see you with her . she will think she is losing you and want you back


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

A dopehead and a cheater....... that's a Fup just waiting to happen.

Serve her D papers yesterday..... Give her what she "wants"

Because in the end...they rarely ever get "what they thought, they wanted"


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

niceguy47460 said:


> Go out find a girl better looking than her and let her see you with her . she will think she is losing you and want you back


Why bother. Just dump her sorry ass and move on.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

niceguy47460 said:


> Go out find a girl better looking than her and let her see you with her . she will think she is losing you and want you back


His wife is a lying, cheating POS whose basically deserted him, and has no problem bringing some scumbag around her kids because she SUCKS as a mother and is too self absorbed to put her kids first. 

Why on earth would he _*want *_this POS back in his life? He should be at his lawyer's office removing this parasite from his life permanently, instead of letting her spend all their money taking lover boy out of town and taking the kids for her every time she _does_ it. Jesus.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Fabio said:


> Well just got done having a conversation with ex. I cannot believe this woman is so cold harted. She told me to stop breaking me up with him. So talking to his ex. She is lying about him. Also she is a smart woman and she has them lined up waiting to date her. Wow this lady!


Don't be me. Don't waste your life waiting on some worthless wife that only YOU think is a ideal woman.
File for D now!
She will crush your soul if you give her one more ounce of your attention.
GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Dude, you're clinging. She's gone. What's left of her isn't something you want. Move on.

Get a good lawyer. Get as much custody of the kids as possible but do it in a way that won't humiliate her. The reason for that is that she doesn't really want the kids but might fight for them out of pride and image preservation.

Get her out of your life as much as possible. Stay total sober. Rebuild your life. Move on.

She's going through a mid-life crisis. Wants her youth back. Happens to lots of men and women. When they go to this extreme, they become worthless as spouses. You don't want her back.


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## Melrose8888 (Jan 1, 2017)

Sorry you are here OP. Some great advice here already so I'll just pitch in with telling you to move back into the home, put the kids first, head straight to D, do not pass go, do not collect $100, get it done and get it done quickly. Consider some IC for the heartbreak and to grow yourself (for the sake of your kids, remove those anger issues, however small they seem to you).

It takes time to recover emotionally and financially but I am here to tell you it'll be worth it and in a couple of years time you'll have a better life, a better new partner and you'll be a better Dad too.

Chin up, all the best.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

You need to really read some of the great advice you have been getting and ACT. Here's a list:

1. Expose this affair. Do not warn her. Just very matter-of-factly let everyone know that your wife is cheating on your and who with. Be sure to let the organization that runs this "team" know.

2. Tell your children the truth in an age-appropriate manner. "Mommies and Daddies are supposed to love only each other and not have boyfriends or girlfriends. Your mommy found a boyfriend and I am very sad and hurt."

3. Go to a lawyer and find out your rights

4. Document EVERYTHING

5. Move back into your home

6. Ignore your WW as much as possible. Nothing she says will be rational or true anyway

7. Stop drinking

8. Focus on your children


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

jlg07 said:


> Fabio -- listen to @skerzoid.
> There are a few other things
> -- get your finances separated NOW.
> Take 1/2 your money out of any joint acccounts into accounts ONLY you access. Close any joint credit cards.
> ...





personofinterest said:


> You need to really read some of the great advice you have been getting and ACT. Here's a list:
> 
> 1. Expose this affair. Do not warn her. Just very matter-of-factly let everyone know that your wife is cheating on your and who with. Be sure to let the organization that runs this "team" know.
> 
> ...


You need to listen to these posts! Get your ass back into your house NOW. Separate your finances and file for divorce immediately. Document everything she does, and if you have any kind of proof about OM's drug issues, keep that as well. He needs to stay far away from your kids! Expose the affair to everyone. Also stop thinking all those thoughts about how you hope she will finally realize what she's done, hoping she feels hurt and regret, blah blah blah... SHE WONT. And its irrelevant anyway, it wouldnt matter if she had a miraculous, come to Jesus epiphany that she did you wrong. The fact is that she is a scum person, seeking out other scum people. LET HER GO. You can mourn the loss later once you get this parasite out of your life.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Let her go, hit the gym and see a stylist. Don't date until papers are filed against her and cite her infidelity. Try for custody of the kids and provide proof of her boyfriends drug use and criminal history. Get custody of the kids and move on. There is something undeniably SEXY about a devoted SINGLE father. Crazy ex stories help to dispel concern about your baggage. Lol

But for real... Rock being a single dad. Trim up and get out there. You will be a hit.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Well went and filed the paperwork yesterday. I told her she is getting her wish! Now we need to start process of putting house up for sale! Sell what we can. Then part ways! I need to start my new life too! She kind of sat there. Don’t know what she was thinking. Then she started asking me where I’m going to live. I just I’m working on it. Then she has the nerve to say it’s not fair! I just said well now you get to live this happy life you been asking for! This is single life figure it out!


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

you called her bluff and now reality is hitting her..


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I'm not really sure how you filing for divorce after she has said multiple times she doesn't want to be in the marriage anymore is "unfair" Did she really think you'd stay married, let her have the house and all the toys, and be her babysitter so she could go off and be with mr scumbag?? She's delusional.

Stay strong and enjoy the extra time with your kids.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Fabio said:


> Well went and filed the paperwork yesterday. I told her she is getting her wish! Now we need to start process of putting house up for sale! Sell what we can. Then part ways! I need to start my new life too! She kind of sat there. Don’t know what she was thinking. Then she started asking me where I’m going to live. I just I’m working on it. Then she has the nerve to say it’s not fair! I just said well now you get to live this happy life you been asking for! This is single life figure it out!


You messed up her "playhouse" She wanted to be able to bedhop while you stood by and brought home

a paycheck. It is just a matter of time until she picks one of those losers. Fab.... excellent move of

slapping D papers on her. Now everything is "real." Get custody set up now with attorney.

And inform the judge she likes to lay up with drug addicts......might get you temporary 

full custody. Split assets and accounts. And by no means give her a chance to try and pull you back

into her web. Her last two resorts are to use the kids to get you to stay with her. Her last...

is to throw that used up vagina in your face...... turn that away. And get STD tested.

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. We's all are here for you brother!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Fabio said:


> Well went and filed the paperwork yesterday. I told her she is getting her wish! Now we need to start process of putting house up for sale! Sell what we can. Then part ways! I need to start my new life too! She kind of sat there. Don’t know what she was thinking. Then she started asking me where I’m going to live. I just I’m working on it. Then she has the nerve to say it’s not fair! I just said well now you get to live this happy life you been asking for! This is single life figure it out!


You are doing the right thing. 

Build a great life for yourself and live it to the fullest. 

This is a change for sure and something that was not part of your original plan when you got married. 

But things have changed and now is time for a new plan. A plan without her in it. That was the route SHE choose.


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Great job... No really! GREAT JOB. 

Her ego bubble has popped. She thought you would not divorce her. She thought she had all the cards. 

She WILL be trying to save her ass mode probably within days of filing as reality closes in. 

DO NOT accept her bait to have sex. 
DO NOT listen to her blame you for tearing the family apart. 
DO NOT allow her to beg and claim she realizes now. 

DO, get a nice place. not grand but nice enough for all the kids, and yourself. 
DO, get in the gym and check out all the pretty ladies and start feeling good about the new phase in life. 
DO, BLOCK her barrage of texts and phone calls that will be coming at you at all hours. 

Her world is about to implode, which means she is about to get seriously annoying.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You haven’t said anything about your finances. Did your lawyer say anything about going for full custody or primary custody? An you not afford the house by yourself? CAn she? Did he say anything about the dope head. 

You can get a lot more help here by giving us better details.

Are you trying to do this without a lawyer?

Good luck to you and your kids.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Reality hit her now.
When you are through with the divorce 
put a lot of distance between her,you and 
the kids. Her life and the people she is hanging 
around sound like a lot of trouble you do not need.
Keep the kids away from her and them as much as you
can.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

Either one of us can afford the house alone. I told her that right off the bat. That we sell the house, boat, fish house. And anything else of value to pay off as much debt as possible.

Right now I filed the paperwork on my with just 50-50 split. As far as I know she has not met with an attorney. She is too far in la la lbs with this guy! She just sees all the fun she is having and has done nothing to move this divorce forward. 

I recommended we talk with our realtor to see what we can list the house for. Get it in the market so I can afford a house too. All my money is vested in our marriage right now as my name is in everything too. So if I miss a payment each of us gets dinged. 

Well the papers are coming today or tomorrow to her. Only thing we got to fight over is splitting the credit card debts! 

I said we will see how long he lasts when all you have debts and nothing the nice things we bought together. 

Like you guys said she is emotional gone and is over this marriage. I just got to find a way to get over the marriage now.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

So let the POSOM know that after the divorce, she will be penniless. Tell him that the happy family is all with you and because of him, the kids want little to do with their mother. Then tell him that you are investigating suing him for alienation of affection (not really, just to screw with his head). I have been party to blowing a "gold-digger" out of the water. Let the ****** know that when all is said and done, all he will have is some well used p*ssy, and a load of her debt. The gold digger I mentioned previously, was told that her target would be left a few hundred thousand in debt, and his employment would be terminated due to a morals clause in his contract. In short, tell POSOM that he will be paying her debts, and really? Was it worth it? 

Notice that reality is hitting her right between the eyes. Keep the pressure up. Whether you decide you want her back, or whether you throw her to the wolves (which she in truth deserves), you are in the drivers seat now. The impending divorce and the sale of the home and possessions is a gigantically sobering set of circumstances. She cannot be the happy go lucky girl having her flings and throwing it in the face of her husband. That carefree life is now OVER. Reality, new old guy, mountain of debt, everyone knows, courtrooms, legal fees, separation of minor possessions, loss of freedom (no more fun, pay bills instead), loss of friends, loss of family, gigantic step down in lifestyle. (I have had WW in my office, a year or so after the divorce. They are generally not with OM. They are generally working much harder, as they have debt or they have liquidated assets to pay the mountain of legal fees, and if they lost custody, child support. TBH, let her consider what she is trashing, let her process the ultimate outcome of this. Her life will not be a Harlequin romance.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Fabio I'm sorry this happened to you. It's not fair and you did not deserve what she is doing. But you need to keep your head together for your own well being and your children's sakes.

Right now she is in the fog of her affair. Use that to your advantage to get her to agree to the terms of D you want. 

Make sure that you have opened up a new bank account and that you are channeling all your pay into that so she cannot access it. 

Take out half of all your joint savings and leave 50% for her. 

Shut down all joint credit cards. 

Make sure you are maintaining your sobriety. If you think you would like to explore AA, I can help steer you into that direction. I'm an AA facilitator. 

Get under your attorney's wing and stay there. Do exactly what s/he tells you to do. Document everything. Every call or interaction with your STBXWW should be logged and documented. 

Take care of your health. Exercise daily and eat well. Walk or jog a little each day to help with your stress. 

Love the stuffing out of your kids. Right now they need you to be strong for them. They need you to act like the adult in this f*cked up situation. They will remember you acted like a man of integrity and they will love you for it. 

Ignore the in-laws. Cut all contact with them and make sure that your family knows the whole truth. Don't let your STBXWW trash your reputation.


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## Fabio (Mar 2, 2019)

She blames me for her new reputation she has now. People know who the cheaters are around here. Not that big of a town. I guess she is known in her Pool world as a home wrecker n other things. People have been saying lots of things about her n guy. I guess it don’t bother her. It will take some time to repair good name she had. Lol

She also says I’m running her name through the mud. Making her out to the bad person. I said I think you did that on your own. Your the one who is cheating in our marriage without regard to anyone’s feelings.


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## Kamstel (Apr 25, 2018)

Poor Princess! Everyone is seeing her for what she is and she doesn’t like it!


My advice.... limit contact with her to as little as possible. When you do need to communicate with her, keep it to the kids, fianances, and the divorce process. And communicate via text or email so you have a written record of everything

You are doing great


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Wake up and listen.

Cut
The
Contact

Talk gets you nothing. It just keeps you bound up in the mess.

I hope you get this because it is the only thing that will help you now.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Trust me, @Fabio ~ She was cheating long before the separation ever occurred ~ she just wanted you out of the picture so as to do her cheating more conveniently!

If you haven't already done so, see a good family lawyer to assess your legal rights and to work in naming you as sole conservator of your kids! 

And move back into that dwelling and be there for the benefit of the kids! They need you!*


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Fabio said:


> She blames me for her new reputation she has now. People know who the cheaters are around here. Not that big of a town. I guess she is known in her Pool world as a home wrecker n other things. People have been saying lots of things about her n guy. I guess it don’t bother her. It will take some time to repair good name she had. Lol
> 
> She also says I’m running her name through the mud. Making her out to the bad person. I said I think you did that on your own. Your the one who is cheating in our marriage without regard to anyone’s feelings.


As she re-writes history, you will be blamed for everything. And even some things which never occurred.

She has to "justify" why she is cheating. Heaven knows she will never take responsibility

for her actions.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

@Fabio, how are you doing and how are the kids?
Hopefully things are progressing in the Divorce -- PLEASE make sure you protect everything and don't play nice -- she certainly isn't.


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## Zodiac (Dec 7, 2018)

Way to be strong out of the gate! Hope you didn't get sucked back into her web! I did the chase/pick me dance. Glad you came out swinging.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Zodiac said:


> Way to be strong out of the gate! Hope you didn't get sucked back into her web!* I did the chase/pick me dance*. Glad you came out swinging.


That......gives them time to choose from Plan A (not you) and Plan B (you). And to re-write history.

Most love the new and exciting..... until it is no longer, new and exciting. Then they come back....

not because they want you back so bad......you're the last man standing after the AP dumped her ass.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

She says you are running her name through the mud? Tell her that she accomplished that by spreading her legs for OM. If she wanted to keep her reputation, she should not go out and **** other guys. Women who are married and sleep only with their husband have good reputations, those who sleep with a lot of men are referred to by names your wife dislikes but embodies.

Keep running her name through the mud, and you can add her family to this. It is a small town, so be righteously indignant. Make sure the entire town knows. Characterize this as her screwing "Grandpa", use the line from "Big Daddy", that she likes old balls dragged across her nose. Let her family get angry enough to threaten, then let everyone know that they are threatening you. You want her and her family reduced in everyone's eyes. Eventually that catches up, and they start blaming their family member for their bad publicity. Keep on saying that you weren't the one to go screwing around. Keep up the pressure and make them all regret ever crossing you.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Fabio,

As some have said, you have to be *cold-blooded* about this from now on.

She is following the "lost a huge amount of weight, now think I'm the most desirable thing on the planet" chapter in the cheater's handbook.

She LOVES her own reflection and this player creep encourages that shallow love.

Keep working on your divorce from her and things will gradually get better for you emotionally.

Oh, and I advise working on some satisfying one-liners to respond to her nonsense:

WW: You're ruining my reputation!

Fabio: I don't need to say a word. You're doing a great job of that yourself.

And...try to detach. The 180 is great help re that.


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

Fabio, First off, so sorry that you are here! Wish you werent but you are, so now you have to handle it.

I get what you are saying when you say, "I cant believe she is giving all this up!" I was married 30 years, then one day my xw moved into a mutual friends home! My two oldest were out on their own, my youngest was a Sophomore in College. I went for days (heck maybe months) looking around at the yard, the house that she had made just so, and trying to figure out how she could do it! Best answer I came up with as to why? was when my sister told me that "Crazy people do crazy things!" 

First, stop talking to her. You will be looking for the why when there isnt any. Just text and email about kids, no more conversations, it is just a total waste of time. Really need to tell her something? Walk over to the closest wall and let it out! You will feel better, and it will do the same amount of turning her around (none).

2nd. Be careful what you tell the kids. Try to keep adult things out of the conversation. Dont run her into the ground around them. Try to be as neutral as possible when you talk to them about her. Even tho my kids were all grown, I was not going to slam their mother to them. There is no need! Based on their maturity they know enough already, and the rest will come with age. They are smart, they will figure it out. My 7 year old granddaughter was 1 when we Divorced. She doesnt know what happened, but asks about it all the time. Someone told me to tell her. I said "no need for me to tell her, when she is old enough to understand, she will know what happened, she is a sharp kid." The fact that I did not tear down my X is one of the few things I feel like I did right. 

3. I wrote all my now x brothers in law (5 of them) and my one sister in law a letter. Explaining what happened. I pulled no punches. (called the OM "piece of ****" thru the whole thing.) All her brothers dumped me like yesterdays news, after I had been their brother in law for 30 years! My x mother in law went right along for the ride with them. Blood is thicker than water, dont worry that they are not on your side. Deep down inside they know the truth, and I am sure that to back her up causes them stress, because they know!

4. cut off her money! Good move on getting the house sold, let her have to figure out all of her new life.

5. Come back her often, good folks with good advice here. Good luck

Hoosier


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Formally known as Hoosier said:


> Fabio, First off, so sorry that you are here! Wish you werent but you are, so now you have to handle it.
> 
> I get what you are saying when you say, "I cant believe she is giving all this up!" I was married 30 years, then one day my xw moved into a mutual friends home! My two oldest were out on their own, my youngest was a Sophomore in College. I went for days (heck maybe months) looking around at the yard, the house that she had made just so, and trying to figure out how she could do it! Best answer I came up with as to why? was when my sister told me that "Crazy people do crazy things!"
> 
> ...


Sounds like your XWs family completed a PhD course on rugsweeping.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

It is rare that the wayward ex's family sides with the betrayed partner. I have seen it only once and it was because the wayward's acts were so egregious that his family could not possibly line up behind him. (affair with a near-minor. His ex-wife said his motto was, "Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed.) Now, if you are leaving quietly, just write these sub-humans off, and start over well away from despicable people. If you don't wish to go quietly, then just keep exposing, and let those interested parties know that her family is just as despicable. Now, this may sound small, or extreme however, this is your life that they have derailed. Getting a little back is not uncalled for.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

skerzoid said:


> Fabio
> 
> 1. *Never do the pick-me dance, never beg, never let her see you cry.* This only makes the OM seem strong compared to you.
> 
> ...



This sums it up perfect.


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## SkyFive (Apr 4, 2019)

Be strong. I know it hurts now but just remember, it will get easier with each passing day. Get a girlfriend as soon as able. "It takes one to forget one" holds true.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I want to discuss tears.

I’m not much of a cryer, and maybe that is why I have observed what I have...but most men don’t like to see their wives cry.

So she will be turning on the waterworks, in addition to continuing to point out every thing you have ever done wrong during your marriage. Please, don’t let her do this to you again. She is poison. Treat her as such. Best wishes to you and your babies.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Spicy said:


> I want to discuss tears.
> 
> I’m not much of a cryer, and maybe that is why I have observed what I have...but most men don’t like to see their wives cry.
> 
> So she will be turning on the waterworks, in addition to continuing to point out every thing you have ever done wrong during your marriage. Please, don’t let her do this to you again. She is poison. Treat her as such. Best wishes to you and your babies.


Excellent point! Tears do not bother me, being if she F'ed up, she owns it. But some guys fall for it.

When a BS takes back a WS when they are in agonizing pain, they just want the pain to end,

it doesn't make a damn how it's ended. Temporarily... you will feel better. But a couple months

down the road, the pain returns. And the BS begins to regret their quick decision.

Alas....it would be harder to leave "then" than even on DDay. To make a clear, concise decision, the BS

has to be away from the WS. No begging in BSs ear, boo hoos, I'll change, etc.

Acknowledging the cheating is the first stage but there are many more that follow. Funny acknowledging

is very hard for most WS. If you hear -I admit I cheated but it's because you- End conversation,

the decision is clear.


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