# Wife with Male friend



## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

Hello I am new here obviously... Little back story. I have been married 2 years come Nov 1st, been together 3 years, we are both Military, and sadly been stationed apart for 2 months now as she just joined, I am Army she is Navy, I am out in December hence why she joined... Now onto the problem's

She is in FL for training, and has this "friend" from boot camp they don't have the same job, but are within 2 miles of each other , I was checking our phone records and she just got her phone on 9/21/12 when she finished boot camp. She has texted this "friend" over 300 times in the matter of two days and an hour long phone call... while me and our kids have gotten maybe 5 minutes here and there.... then I have gotten about 50 texts from her... I brought this all up in a very tactful way... which of course blew up into a huge fight...

She told me I needed to trust her and how he is just a friend and he has a finacee and all this other stuff, Then came the worst part to me, for those who know military ranking, she started calling me SGT (Lastname)... I never would ask her to call me that... I am her damn husband not her boss... it really hurt that she took it to that level. My last text to her was "Sorry give me a month then you guys can be friends and text all you want, just please give me and kids your time first vs being the last ones you text" 

"Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"


I am hurting right now and don't know what to do


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

A lot of people on here are going to tell you that this is the beginning of an EA ( emotional affair) due to the number of texts and phone calls to this man. Have you read the contents of those texts? Also she blame shifted telling you you don't trust her. She needs to act in a trustful manner in order for that to happen. 300 texts in two days is distrustful and disrespectful of your relationship. Does the other man fiances know that your wife has been texting her future husband? Set some boundaries with your wife, never mind the "we like to be the first ones you text etc," how about "stop communication with this man altogether" and kill two birds with one stone." - Whats this about assault ? Are there no other women on the base?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

WTF? Blaming you?


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Wow, she's having an affair and getting all defensive about it. I'm sorry you're in this situation, but THANK YOU for your service to our country.

Keep an eye on the texts and phone calls. Do not say anything else to her about it, until you see her in person. Her texts to you will continue to hurt her, if you keep saying/texting things like that to her. 

Just keep yourself busy with work and the kids to keep your mind and time occupied....until she comes home. This cannot be solved long distance.

JMO


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Lets take a step back and assume it is not an affair. She just verbally kicked you in the balls when you were trying to tell her your feelings. I have never blown off my husband wishes when it came to friendships with other men. If he was uncomfortable then the friendship was over. But then again I do not contact my male friends as much as your wife is contacting this man. 

I say next time she calls let her talk with the kids. Answer questions very breifly and call her by her title last name. Please wait for her to text or call you....do not call or text first. This is a perfect way to let her know you are pissed off.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

armyinf said:


> "Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"


Wow. Your wife is an immature woman. 

300 texts in two days? Probably something going on. Your gut is probably right.

Now... either she gets it or she doesn't. It's not appropriate for her to be talking to another man and spenidn more time wit him tan you. Yes, teh distance sucks but she should respect your marriage.

I would be calm when you talk to her--don't start a fight. If she starts fighting, tell her simply, _"Yes, I do think it's odd you're texting a man that much. It isn't that I don't trust you, I just want to protect our marriage because I love you. How would you feel if I was texting another woman that much?"_

You already know she would not like it. And with good reason.

Be calm.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Wow. Your wife is an immature woman.
> 
> 300 texts in two days? Probably something going on. Your gut is probably right.
> 
> ...


This....and I stress "be calm"








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

armyinf said:


> Hello I am new here obviously... Little back story. I have been married 2 years come Nov 1st, been together 3 years, we are both Military, and sadly been stationed apart for 2 months now as she just joined, I am Army she is Navy, I am out in December hence why she joined... Now onto the problem's
> 
> She is in FL for training, and has this "friend" from boot camp they don't have the same job, but are within 2 miles of each other , I was checking our phone records and she just got her phone on 9/21/12 when she finished boot camp. She has texted this "friend" over 300 times in the matter of two days and an hour long phone call... while me and our kids have gotten maybe 5 minutes here and there.... then I have gotten about 50 texts from her... I brought this all up in a very tactful way... which of course blew up into a huge fight...
> 
> ...


Why would you want your wife to join the military when you are getting out? Yes it would be even more crazy if you stayed in, but my point is that you should know better.

There is no way I would recommend a wife to join the military. That is just asking for issues. All feminist agendas aside. This is for a single woman. It is different for a man. Yes there is plenty of unfaithfulness as it is. But a woman is under constant siege surrounded by men working long hours under extrteme conditions and spearated for long periods. EAs start in these type of environments.

I was in the Navy for eight years. I am all for folks serving their country. They used to tell me that my wife was not issued to me in my sea bag. It is tough enough to deal with a husband who gets deployed and the wife to be abandoned alone at home. How tough is it for a husband to be the one home alone under these circumstances?

BAD idea dude. You are in for a world of hurt. You now have issues right out of the gate. 

"Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"

There is going to be constant drama sir.

There are kids? AYFKM. This is insane.

Good luck.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I agree with the others. Your wife is in the midst of an affair. I'm so sorry. I was a BS in my first marriage, but he is a serial cheater and they are a different breed of cheaters for sure.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

Grab a hold of your cajones and squeeze. Your wife texting another dude like that is not OK. Don't let her give you a month, make it stop.

Get reading buddy.

Start with "No more mr. nice guy"

Also, drama has already started and she's still not deployed. Your future is bleak my friend, if she's already cheating (which she is, she's in an EA if not more), what hope is there when she's deployed for months on end, surrounded by horny men who are there to comfort her when you aren't? Be prepared for some tough times ahead.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

armyinf said:


> Hello I am new here obviously... Little back story. I have been married 2 years come Nov 1st, been together 3 years, we are both Military, and sadly been stationed apart for 2 months now as she just joined, I am Army she is Navy, I am out in December hence why she joined... Now onto the problem's
> 
> She is in FL for training, and has this "friend" from boot camp they don't have the same job, but are within 2 miles of each other , I was checking our phone records and she just got her phone on 9/21/12 when she finished boot camp. She has texted this "friend" over 300 times in the matter of two days and an hour long phone call... while me and our kids have gotten maybe 5 minutes here and there.... then I have gotten about 50 texts from her... I brought this all up in a very tactful way... which of course blew up into a huge fight...
> 
> ...



That is terribly immature. How old is she ? Get into marriage counseling. She will need a neutral 3rd party to tell her that she is wrong. 


This is just not a friendship. Be prepared. If the obvious proof was not the 300 texts and hour long phone call, it is her reaction to you questioning about them.

And now, she is using guilt to manipulate you.


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## COguy (Dec 1, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> Get into marriage counseling. She will need a neutral 3rd party to tell her that she is wrong.


Be careful, plenty of MCs royally suck at dealing with infidelity.

I've seen the "You have to back off and trust her" speech one too many times on these boards (and in my personal experience).

You don't need an MC to tell you that this is wrong and that you need to stick up for yourself. She is acting selfishly, trying to blame you for her poor boundaries and inappropriate relationship. You are accepting that when you act like she is doing you a favor by not talking to this man.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

Your wife said: "Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"

My response would be: "Good, I'm glad we reached an agreement"

Armyinf, my fried, absolutely no good will come of this friendship between your wife and this guy. I'm willing to bet my next paycheck that they will be swapping body fluids if you allow this to go on. Grow a thick skin, get tough and stand firm with her. If you know anyone where she is stationed, ask them to keep an eye out and alert you to what she is up to. Also, consider speaking with the OMyourself.

Personally, I think you are going to have a hell of a few months, even if you do put your foot down on this one.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. She absolutely is having some type of affair, it may not have been physical yet but it is going there. You are in the military you know exactly what happens. My SO is in the Army and whenever he is gone we both feel uneasy because of what we see surrounding us, you just never know. Because of that we are completely transparent with each other regarding, friends, phones, emails, FB, etc. You have the proof that she cannot be trusted. I honestly don't see how you can ever feel comfortable as long as she is enlisted. 

She has a lot of nerve trying to guilt you with that assault BS. She is trying to use the fact that she is a woman to get what she wants with you and she will use that against other men when she is away from you. Put your foot down on her hard now or it will just get worse. Tell her she needs to knock off texting this guy and send you all of the screen shots of their conversations or you are done.

Since you mentioned rank, seriously, stop acting like a private and act like a SGT!


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## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

I appreciate everything everyone said! I went ahead and talked to her, she gave a few excuses, but then owned up, she is in the process of sending me screenshots of everything, well, 250 of them as thats all her phone holds, and we just got off the phone with verizon and they are able to send me the others in a few days. She said its been innocent asking about work, hows indoc going and such... and so far the screen shots go with that. I will admit I have anger issues, and blow up quite easily, which is why she put her foot down first, but she has agreed to cut all contact since I don't like it, she is a little upset, but understands..

She admited why she started calling me by my rank was because she said I was acting like an E-5 vs her husband... told her to expect that while we are both in and she should have known that going in.

Far as the assault crap I am making her write me a paper on Rape in the military due Thursday, 


Also to answer why she joined the Navy... since she was a little girl she wanted to be a Sailor... and since I had my MEDBoard back in july and just am awaiting my discharge on November 31st due to my 2nd deployment, far as deployment life, while we have been together almost 3 years, I've been deployed 21 months of that time between two deployments and weeks in the field so we know about being away and the temptations to cheat... no physical cheating has gone on, to date,

Also I admit I called the dudes command and informed them of the situation so he is getting counseled on it and a few classes on adultery in the military....


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## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

Also Don't confuse that wall of text as weakness I just don't like to fight with her a bunch I fight all day at work home should be my relaxation time, I am still hurt she felt the need to hid everything and be immature, but that can be healed over time...


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

armyinf said:


> I appreciate everything everyone said! I went ahead and talked to her, she gave a few excuses, but then owned up, she is in the process of sending me screenshots of everything, well, 250 of them as thats all her phone holds, and we just got off the phone with verizon and they are able to send me the others in a few days. She said its been innocent asking about work, hows indoc going and such... and so far the screen shots go with that. I will admit I have anger issues, and blow up quite easily, which is why she put her foot down first, but she has agreed to cut all contact since I don't like it, she is a little upset, but understands..
> 
> She admited why she started calling me by my rank was because she said I was acting like an E-5 vs her husband... told her to expect that while we are both in and she should have known that going in.
> 
> ...


Good for you for taking a stand and fighting for your marriage! :yay:


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

Good for you! Good luck in the future, hopefully you two can find what works for you to keep and earn each others trust.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> 300 texts in two days? Probably something going on.[/I]


Yeah. It's called 300 text's in 2 days.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

armyinf said:


> I appreciate everything everyone said! I went ahead and talked to her, she gave a few excuses, but then owned up, she is in the process of sending me screenshots of everything, well, 250 of them as thats all her phone holds, and we just got off the phone with verizon and they are able to send me the others in a few days. She said its been innocent asking about work, hows indoc going and such... and so far the screen shots go with that. I will admit I have anger issues, and blow up quite easily, which is why she put her foot down first, but she has agreed to cut all contact since I don't like it, she is a little upset, but understands..
> 
> She admited why she started calling me by my rank was because she said I was acting like an E-5 vs her husband... told her to expect that while we are both in and she should have known that going in.
> 
> ...


Being a sailor is awesome. Even more so when one is single. Being married, having children and going off to sea. Not so much. Add to this being a wife and mother away from family surrounded by men in this type of environment. Not smart. We all make choices in life.

I wanted to be a pirate when I was little ...

It is tough enough when one gets married after having been in the military for a while. I have seen the military change people drastically. You will aslo hear some but not all sailors claim they joined the Navy to ride the waves. Not trying to be offensive. But I am trying to be blunt with the environment. It is very easy for a married man to stay faithful as a sailor. They are not under constant siege. Yeah, yeah character. All I have to say to those who have never been in these circumstances, you have no idea.

So what is her rate?


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## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

I'm coming off 6 years in, 3 deployments total I know what military life is like... granted I am Infantry and they keep women well away from us..... other than the barracks W****s 


She is Mass Communication, the best she describes it to me as is being Public Affairs... 

I get you don't seem to trust any females in the Military, but I had this one female medic, she was amazing, when she was taking care of me during my medivac all she talked about was her husband and kids and how she can't wait to be home to them... fast foward two months I was eating with my unit and saw her, she sat down across from me, and pretty much gave me a 2 hour update on her family.... I say this because just because women in the military doesn't mean they will cheat...


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

armyinf said:


> I appreciate everything everyone said! I went ahead and talked to her, she gave a few excuses, but then owned up, she is in the process of sending me screenshots of everything, well, 250 of them as thats all her phone holds, and we just got off the phone with verizon and they are able to send me the others in a few days. She said its been innocent asking about work, hows indoc going and such... and so far the screen shots go with that. I will admit I have anger issues, and blow up quite easily, which is why she put her foot down first, but she has agreed to cut all contact since I don't like it, she is a little upset, but understands..
> 
> She admited why she started calling me by my rank was because she said I was acting like an E-5 vs her husband... told her to expect that while we are both in and she should have known that going in.
> 
> ...


No physical cheating has gone on. Good for you. How about EA?


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## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

EA- kinda, yes and no...

All the screen shots of all the 250 messages she has were of just basic conversations asking about class back and forth and how there new training is going, with a little bit of talk about boot camp.

When I get the 51 other messages from Verizon it will be layed to rest. They said it takes 2-3 days after we sign all the forms and have a lawyer send in some paperwork. She got defensive because she felt I was being aggressive over nothing, which so far it really has turned into nothing, granted when I see those other 51's I can really put it behind us. 

I say yes and no, because technically no EA happened. She just hid it from me, which after a 4 hour phone call today she knows was wrong and told me "she wants to work for the rest of our lives repaying me"
Full truth I agreed to see a mental health doctor for my anger outbursts, and while we were on phone she deleted him from phone and allowed me to put a ban on his number with no protest... Do I trust her 100%... not for a second... do I trust anyone 100%... not for a milisecond.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

armyinf said:


> I'm coming off 6 years in, 3 deployments total I know what military life is like... granted I am Infantry and they keep women well away from us..... other than the barracks W****s
> 
> 
> She is Mass Communication, the best she describes it to me as is being Public Affairs...
> ...


No you get me wrong. I am saying that this will put a strain on any marriage. It is a choice to do so. You are dealing with the tip of the iceburg now. I am not trying to be harsh. It is also not about me. Your wife and mother of your children who always wanted to be Sailor has joined the Navy. I am saying that she put herself and her family in harms way with her choice. Buckle up. Indeed that woman may not have cheated. Wondermous. But you are already dealing with unfaithfulness right out of the gate. I feel for you. I really do. You are expereincing much of what she did when you were away. Accept that she will be with a bunch of other guys and you were not with a bunch of other women.

So she is a journalist. Ok. So not a nuke or aviation fire control tech.
So maybe just maybe she will not be off on ninth month long deployments at sea. I hope the folks at TAM can help you get things to where you have a shot at this.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

armyinf said:


> EA- kinda, yes and no...
> 
> All the screen shots of all the 250 messages she has were of just basic conversations asking about class back and forth and how there new training is going, with a little bit of talk about boot camp.
> 
> ...


EAs are about continued obsessive contact. The emails / texts are often innocent looking like this. When the sexting and I Love Yous start you are way way down the line.

That is the trouble with EAs. To the other spouse they look innocent yet they are bothered by it. There is reason to be bothered.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

armyinf said:


> "Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"


Affair addict speak for STOP MESSING WITH MY HIGH - and if I have to guilt you into oblivion so I can keep getting my high...so what?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

So... now what?

Get her a link to Shirly Glass's book on EAs, Not Just Friends. Ask her (don't tell her) to read it.


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## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

And I feel like a jackass now. I went ahead and called the guy just to explain everything, figured could be man to man and make sure he doesn't try and contact her or anything like that. Apparently he doesn't have a fiancee its a "life partner". I called bull**** and told him to quite being a lying sack of **** until he sent me a picture of the two. Said no one really knows and to keep it a secret and that he wouldn't contact my wife since its what I wish... ugh...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

armyinf said:


> And I feel like a jackass now. I went ahead and called the guy just to explain everything, figured could be man to man and make sure he doesn't try and contact her or anything like that. Apparently he doesn't have a fiancee its a "life partner". I called bull**** and told him to quite being a lying sack of **** until he sent me a picture of the two. Said no one really knows and to keep it a secret and that he wouldn't contact my wife since its what I wish... ugh...


 Right. 

Go Navy

You need to add to the story that he wanted to be a Sailor since he was a little boy. But use the term Squid.

You will be glad to hear I am bailing now, as I think you are having us on about this. I hope for your sake you are. Good luck. If you are in the Army then I sincerely thank you for your service.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

armyinf said:


> And I feel like a jackass now. I went ahead and called the guy just to explain everything, figured could be man to man and make sure he doesn't try and contact her or anything like that. Apparently he doesn't have a fiancee its a "life partner". I called bull**** and told him to quite being a lying sack of **** until he sent me a picture of the two. Said no one really knows and to keep it a secret and that he wouldn't contact my wife since its what I wish... ugh...


 Good! TELL him to back off. Who cares, as long as he never contacts your wife again?


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

Ah yes... Just friends... Just close friends... Just forever close friends... Just forever close rubbing friends...

Hey man, if you ever hear that line:



> She told me I needed to trust her


you should point out that in order for that to happen she needs to behave in a way that makes it possible. That her texting another guy and phoning him a lot more than her husband isn't conducive to "trust". And that she is at least terribly naive if she thinks that other guy is a "friend". And that you don't want to even think that she isn't just being naive.

And that exploding and getting all defensive about this crap is basically making you think that there is actually something there.

You, my man, did no wrong. She did. Don't let her turn this on you. You know what that other dude is after. The question is, does she?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

fwiw, even if the guy has a partner, he's draining her energy away from you, where it belongs. Hopefully, he'll stay away.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Whether he has a partner or not doesn't change anything.

He is having a in appropriate relationship with your wife.

He is putting way too much time and energy into her.

No man does that without wanting something.


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## JCD (Sep 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> No man does that without wanting something.


To be fair, sometimes it's just emotional kibble they want. But it's the OP's emotional kibble! Or at least it should be.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

JCD said:


> To be fair, sometimes it's just emotional kibble they want. But it's the OP's emotional kibble! Or at least it should be.


OP made sure his command knew about this atleast.


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Don't ask, Don't tell....right. All is well that ends well. I am glad it was just a friendship, but I am sure she has learned a lesson. The only privacy in a marriage, is the kind that happens in the bathroom.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

OP

EA/PA or not, what possible motivation or rationale could there be to support 300 texts in 2 days????? You know the answer to that!!! NOTHING! Atleast nothing that is on the up and up and nothing that has YOU even considered in the equation. Deal with it. Don't wait and don't negotiate a time frame.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

She knows the only contact you have with her is on the phone. What's to stop her from seeing this guy physically or using a friends cell instead. Coed AIT is full of infidelity from Phase 5 hotel parties on the weekends. 
Don't trust her , She knows you cant keep tabs on her and can do whatever she wants, while telling you everything you want to hear on the phone. The next time she pulls that smart a$$, immature "SGT" routine, don't tolerate it and drop her.

(I'm very pessimistic about military infidelity because I've seen it so so so many times. take my advise with a grain of salt)


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

StoneAngel said:


> OP
> 
> EA/PA or not, what possible motivation or rationale could there be to support 300 texts in 2 days????? You know the answer to that!!! NOTHING! Atleast nothing that is on the up and up and nothing that has YOU even considered in the equation. Deal with it. Don't wait and don't negotiate a time frame.


Yeah...the OP should have gotten 300 texts not the OM!


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

armyinf said:


> Far as the assault crap I am making her write me a paper on Rape in the military due Thursday,


Dude... WTF???

To me this casts a whole new light on your personality. You're "making" her do an assignment, with a due date?

Look SGT, she's not a private in your squad. She SHOULD BE a partner in your marriage. I'd like to hear her side of this story because I bet the "making" and "due dates" are not something new. My brother came out of the Army and was this way with his wife and kids. They were ready to leave and me and my sister had to dope-slap him on the side of his head to make him realize he wasn't in the Army.

No wonder she's joining the Navy.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I was wondering that, too.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> Dude... WTF???
> 
> To me this casts a whole new light on your personality. You're "making" her do an assignment, with a due date?
> 
> ...


Ha ha ha! Really! I didn't catch that one. :lol:


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

I really have nothing to add that people haven't said already (and better than I, might I add!).

But an EA is an EA, it doesn't matter if the OW/OM is married or single, gay, bi, or straight.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

armyinf said:


> And I feel like a jackass now. I went ahead and called the guy just to explain everything, figured could be man to man and make sure he doesn't try and contact her or anything like that. Apparently he doesn't have a fiancee its a "life partner". I called bull**** and told him to quite being a lying sack of **** until he sent me a picture of the two. Said no one really knows and to keep it a secret and that he wouldn't contact my wife since its what I wish... ugh...


It doesn't matter, you still did the right thing.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

One thing does worry me. When I was Infantry (Korea, then 82nd), I got tired of humping and jumping, so I changed MOS to ADA, and suddenly, there were women everywhere, and they were not shy at all, now that they were "adults" and away from mommy and daddy (and their "jerk-off" boyfriends) and surrounded by very willing and able young men, well let's just say that what their commanders, 1SGTs and families back home didn't know wouldn't hurt them.

I've seen many married soldiers in the Army who went TDY (Temporarily Divorce Yourself). So, she may very well be telling you what you want to hear, and you are being kept blissfully unaware of the small details. Be watching for her getting antsy when those remaining phone records arrive.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

F-102 said:


> One thing does worry me. When I was Infantry (Korea, then 82nd), I got tired of humping and jumping, so I changed MOS to ADA, and suddenly, there were women everywhere, and they were not shy at all, now that they were "adults" and away from mommy and daddy (and their "jerk-off" boyfriends) and surrounded by very willing and able young men, well let's just say that what their commanders, 1SGTs and families back home didn't know wouldn't hurt them.
> 
> I've seen many married soldiers in the Army who went TDY (Temporarily Divorce Yourself). So, she may very well be telling you what you want to hear, and you are being kept blissfully unaware of the small details. Be watching for her getting antsy when those remaining phone records arrive.


:smnotworthy: :iagree:


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Right.
> You will be glad to hear I am bailing now, as I think *you are having us on about this.* I hope for your sake you are. Good luck. If you are in the Army then I sincerely thank you for your service.


Even the dogfaces aren't this dumb IRL.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

armyinf said:


> "Forget it I will just never talk to any guys ever and when I get assaulted I can just know it happened cuz I had no guy friends to help Good night Sgt (xxxx)"


Isn't that what a husband is for?



> I say this because just because women in the military doesn't mean they will cheat...


An EXTREMELY high percent do. I heard one military chaplain beleived it to be about 90% of deployed women (one guy said 100% lol). 



> And I feel like a jackass now. I went ahead and called the guy just to explain everything, figured could be man to man and make sure he doesn't try and contact her or anything like that. Apparently he doesn't have a fiancee its a "life partner". I called bull**** and told him to quite being a lying sack of **** until he sent me a picture of the two. Said no one really knows and to keep it a secret and that he wouldn't contact my wife since its what I wish... ugh...


Don't feel bad about this, you do what you have to do to protect the M.

...except for her writing the paper, that's a bit weird.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

ArmyofJuan said:


> An EXTREMELY high percent do. I heard one military chaplain beleived it to be about 90% of deployed women (one guy said 100% lol).


I would say that is the same for the men.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Soifon said:


> I would say that is the same for the men.


If so, WACs and BAMs are even busier than I thought. And I already knew they were pretty busy.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Soifon said:


> I would say that is the same for the men.


No. It is much easier for a guy to stay in the background in this area. However, the women are under constant siege. Relentless. The numbers have much to do with this. This is all relative. Marriages in the military are extremely tough. You are a large number of single men, a good number of married men who will cheat and a small number of women single and married. Working closely, long hours and under intense conditions very often in isolation fro their spouse for many months at a time.

Realize that the US military is approximately 15% female. Do the math.


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## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

Hey guys and Gals, sorry been a little bit, been through and read everything just been busy with kids and life... Appreciate everyone's comments. Just a general update... should have the text records by Tuesday, hopefully monday, all the screen shots point to talking about bootcamp and a few questions back and forth about "watch procedures" for some test... Its in quotations because its legit.. just no clue what its 100% about as the Navy takes "Watch" way more serious than any Army unit I've been in... (Also to the Korea/ 82nd guy... I was 7th currently at 1st ID...) Far as wife and the texting...hasn't texted/ talked to the guy since... how do I know, because either A she bought a phone using some imaginary cash with out drawing it out of an ATM and some how made it never appear on the two bank accounts we own of course there is always that secret bank account:rofl::rofl:... ..or holy **** she is being faithful... I know who would have guessed right.... far as the paper she wrote... Your right that wasn't being very "Husbandly" but she choose to pull a dumb card, I don't regret that part... 


Any who... I think my original question has been answered and nothing productive can follow any more so if it is possible to get this topic locked before we hear the ex military guys keep bashing military marriage...


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Pay as you go phones are $50. Are you saying she could find 50?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

armyinf said:


> Any who... I think my original question has been answered and nothing productive can follow any more so if it is possible to get this topic locked before we hear the *ex military guys keep bashing military marriage...*


Yeah, what would those guys know about it?


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## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

Its no disrespect to their service, but seriously I came on here for advice, and all I have seem to gotten after the first helpful posts has been nothing but "OMG she is cheating, shes a cheater!" I mean come on? She was texting another Sailor, I got jealous..came on here posted during my moment of jealously... The topic has been answered,


Oh and Shaggy... why your correct she could find 50$ for a pay as you go phone, 


Seriously why is everyone so jaded on here... I get a lot of you have probably been burned by your ex wife's but seriously why the need to pass on the negativity...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You got some pretty good advice amidst the jadedness, didn't you?


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## armyinf (Oct 23, 2012)

I swear I wrote that I did get some great advice... Like I said I'm the new kid on the block to these forums but the great advice seems to get lost in all the guys posting "She's cheating you need to divorce her" Posts...


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

armyinf said:


> I swear I wrote that I did get some great advice... Like I said I'm the new kid on the block to these forums but the great advice seems to get lost in all the guys posting "She's cheating you need to divorce her" Posts...


Most people on here subscribe to the idea of a one-man, one-woman closed marriage. No boyfriends, girlfriends, or concubines. They just assume that everyone else sees it that way and they advise accordingly. Nevertheless, you're the guy who decides what kind of marriage you have, open or closed. From time to time we see guys passing through here who would get off on the idea of their wives being one of 200 women out to sea for a 120 day cruise with a 5000 man ship's complement. And that's okay, if that's the way they want to live.

Personally, I just don't like those odds.


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

Good Luck.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Agree with you but, term paper due, really e5?

The going though boot camp together is a big bonding event and you were right to sound off. The last thing we need is another post "we did not mean this to happen, but"


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

armyinf said:


> Seriously why is everyone so jaded on here... I get a lot of you have probably been burned by your ex wife's but seriously why the need to pass on the negativity...


You are disrespectful, Sir, of the time that posters took to give you advice. What are you doing here? Career woman here, 57 years old, 35 years married (first marriage for the both of us). 

You caught the beginnings of a possible emotional affair of your wife. My older brother retired from the U.S. Navy, after 23 years of service. The stories he told about the lying and cheating of both men and women in the Navy cannot be ignored. Over 300 text messages to another man is the start of an emotional affair. You saw that; so take advice as given to you in a gracious manner.

I am not jaded. I am a university professor with a formal education in marriage and family. TAM has varied individuals who post from their experience. Good luck with your attitude.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Roselyn, armyinf hasn't been here since 2012. Hopefully, he's learned a bit in the last three years.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Must be close to Halloween. The zombie threads are out.


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