# Dishonest



## aabina5

Where do I start? When I met my husband back in 2002 he was doing drugs and selling. So when I started to fall in love with him, I told him he needed to chose between me and drugs. I already had a kid and another one on the way. He said that he would stop. So me not ever doing drugs, had no idea what entails to stop. I just gave him the benefit of the doubt. After our daughter was born in 2003, i was cleaning out his pants pockets before doing laundry and found a bag of weed. Shocked that my older child could stumble upon it I gave him the ultimatium again. I was going through a lot with my own family. My son was a little over one then I had this new baby and my grandpa had a stroke. So I never spoke of his addiction again. Until about 05 I thought I was smelling it ever so often but he just make me think I was crazy. At this point we finally have 3 kids. So finally he came clean and said he never stopped. So finally I realized that I needed to help him. He started going to his meetings and got clean. Well just recently we were at my parents house and I went outside where he was, i just figured he was smoking a cigarette, well I caught him smoking weed again. He said he hadn't been going to his meetings and this is his addiction so I need to get over it and just accept him for who he is. Easier said than done. For one thing it's illegal the next, he's supposed to be this role model for our kids. He's lied to be this whole time. It's more of the dishonesty than anything. So when we didn't have money and I had to pawn some of my stuff was it because he was selfish and needed drugs, that we didn't have money? I have all these feelings right now, that I can't do this anymore. Maybe I am overreacting and should just get over it, but he's lied the whole time we've been together.


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## Farfignewton

If you had to pawn stuff because of his carelessness with money then you have a bigger problem than weed. Weed does not make people fall that far. Not defending it, just saying that weed is really only as bad as cigarettes and actually less addictive. He may have a deeper drug issue than just the weed. I wouldn't want my children around it either, but I know a lot of successful pot smokers. Is he showing any erratic behavior or staying out late, etc? Has he held a job the whole time?

My man has a porn addiction. I'd rather him be a pot head any day.


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## aabina5

The real point is that he's been lying to me for the last 6yrs of our relationship. And maybe a drug problem isn't a big deal to some, but it is to me since I have kids.


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## Blanca

When addicts are given ultimatums they will do what they think they need to do to keep both things-the relationship and their addiction. so lying is usually what they do. Instead of giving an ultimatum its important to communicate and come to an agreement. 

The problem is drug addicts are habitual liars and so traditional communication is going to be a problem. They will pretty much do what they want b/c they have no reason to quit. You can talk until you are blue in the face but in the end all he answers to is the craving. You can probably think of a million reasons he should quit but that doesnt help him. those are your reasons. he has to find his own. your ultimatums are only going to make him angry and lie to you more. 

My sister tried to get her drug addict to quit for years. it just doesnt work that way. and you trying to make him will only get you lost in the problem and become an addict to the dysfunction. Visit this site: Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen


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## draconis

ANy addition can be an issue for a family. He is putting you and your children at risk. One of my friends ex-roomate that I know just lost her children after the husbands second arrest for selling weed and having it in the house.

Further he has played you for the fool and lied to you again and again, and you keep buying his line. How much are you willing to give up for his drugs?

draconis


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## aabina5

I am a fool. I've taken him back over and over again. He just tells me I need to accept him for who he is. I thought he loved me and the kids enough to stop, but guess not. Maybe it is time for me to move on. I am a stay at home mom, I have no money, so I wouldn't no where to go. Thanks for the advice.


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## draconis

aabina5 said:


> I am a fool. I've taken him back over and over again. He just tells me I need to accept him for who he is. I thought he loved me and the kids enough to stop, but guess not. Maybe it is time for me to move on. I am a stay at home mom, I have no money, so I wouldn't no where to go. Thanks for the advice.


How about family or friends? Call the state attorney general and maybe they can point you in the right direction, If not pm me and I will see what I can dig up for you.

draconis


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## aabina5

I'm not in good terms with my mom and step dad, and I do not know who my biological dad is. My grandma just passed away in April and she was normally the one to help me with things. So I'm all alone.


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## draconis

aabina5 said:


> I'm not in good terms with my mom and step dad, and I do not know who my biological dad is. My grandma just passed away in April and she was normally the one to help me with things. So I'm all alone.



There are crisis shelters all over, and DHHS can help you locate housing, food etc to supply your need. Please call your town hall and DHHS and get the help ou need.

draconis


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