# Not fair and I hurt for my son.



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Not sure where to put this, but I thought I start a whole new thread. As my last post thread stated: my guy that I’ve been seeing has moved and starting a new job promo and to be closer to his boys. We’ve talked and we plan on trying this out and making it work. Both on the same page! This isn’t the problem though....

Here’s the problem: My ex. My son is 15 will be 16 in August. His dad and him don’t have the strongest bond, and his dad I think doesn’t want to deal with him. I’m not being a biased mom as my son is the normal teen and this past year or before all the Covid happened- he fell into some bad times/friends. (Smoked weed, ran away (just in the apartment complex) and drank some alcohol. I dealt with this, as his dad called him a drug addiction and dismissed him immediately. It’s been a rough road: put my son in therapy (well a zoom group due to Covid) and spent money I didn’t have to get him help. He’s on the road to better days! He competed summer school, will start permit driving school next week and is my old kiddo. Now his dad and grandma (Ex lives with his mom) he’s 49 and he said his mom is almost 80 and needs help:

they haven’t seen or talked to him since spring break. I get no extra $$ he has none and he said he doesn’t have to see his son who’s made bad mistakes and betrayed him. He plans on not seeing either.

I was lied too as my ex told him he was going to see him, but he lied. He says due to uprise I’m Covid cases- his mom doesn’t want company cause if she got it she would die.

My guy and I haven’t included our kids yet. We want to focus on our relationship and make it strong. How can I do that if he comes down or I go up there? My son can’t stay by himself all weekend- please don’t bash as I’m a good mom who just wants a chance to get a break here and there. No he doesn’t have any outlet to go to other family members:

my ex was a controlling person and still to this day controls me.

any help? I don’t want to mess up with this guy. I’m a good mom and love my son,


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

So basically, you want to keep up with the LDR but don't know how to do that when your son doesn't go to his dad's?

Are you sure your son is unable to be left alone? At that age my parents were leaving me, and my brother, home alone every single weekend. I won't say that's ideal, and yeah I got into trouble, but not even once in a while? 

Have you talked to your BF about it? He may have ideas...


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Agree with @bobert ; talk with your BF and see if he has any ideas. I am a bit confused though about who's not seeing who. It sounds like your ex is going to visit his mom and doesn't want your kid there due to Covid-19 concerns, but then you also said you ex lives with his mom? Or am I missing a generation here? Because if your son is living with his Dad and his dad lives with him mom... then nobody's going anywhere to visit because they're all together. 

I'm confused. Happens easily.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I’m sorry- I’m all over the place tonite! 
my ex lives with his mom. I’ve offered my place for my ex to come here, so he wouldn’t have to distrupt his mom.

but he said no. My son lives with me- ex supposed to have 1,3, 5th weekend. Yes, he’ll be 16 but in the past he’s smoked weed etc. but is on the right path now. I guess as a mom I feel guilty? Like I shouldn’t have a life.

I’ll ask bf. it just saddens me that a dad could do this to his own flesh and blood


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Can your son stay with a friend now and then for the weekend? Or maybe just overnight until you feel he might be able to stay by himself? The truth is I don’t think you’re going to have much opportunity to see your bf with your situation. Your ex isn’t interested in being a parent so you’re in this by yourself.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

@Openminded- yes he could if he had too. It’s a weird situation I know: 
I thought about a hotel that’s about 5 min from here... if bf came down we could go do stuff during the day, and son could stay by himself due to me being close?

But why do I feel guiity? Is it a mom thing?
I do a lot and take care of my son. He will he gone in 2 years. His goal is to go into the military


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

The hotel thing sounds workable. Those two years will totally fly by. You can’t imagine how quickly they’ll be gone.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

But he 


Openminded said:


> The hotel thing sounds workable. Those two years will totally fly by. You can’t imagine how quickly they’ll be gone.
> [/QUOTE
> But the funny thing is- I love him and unlike his dad, no matter what he did or mistakes he made- he’s my boy. I hate that he’s growing up right in front of me, yet I wish he was that little boy.
> but maybe there’s a reason he’s not seeing his dad and I should just not worry. Thanks for listening and the words of wisdom.
> Sue


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It’s his dad’s loss. They’ll have that to work out some day on their own terms. The two years before graduation were gone for my child in the blink of an eye. I wanted to slow it down but I also wasn’t totally unhappy at the idea of eventually having my life back.

Senior year, especially, was a bittersweet time. It seemed two minutes from start to finish and I wasn’t ready to let go at the end of it. But that part of my life was done and we moved on. 

You’ll have a much different life in two years than you do now. Yes, you’ll miss the old life but you’ll be excited about the new one.


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