# So now I'm married, is this it?



## MarineWife08 (Apr 17, 2009)

Hi,

My name is Isabella. My husband and I are going to have our first anniversary in about 2 weeks. Im not having major problems but I just do not get it?

I have never been married before, my entire life I have had 2 boyfriends, and I was a virgin when I met my husband. I love him, I do, but here is the issue.

I'm 24, never married
He is 38, twice divorced
1st one ended in 2 years
2nd one took all his money, seriously ALL OF IT!
And I will not be his 3rd!!!!

So here is the issue, I was brought up in a wealthy,sheltered lifestyle, I was a pampered princess but I respected and loved everyone unlike my sisters and others who thought themselves better than everyone.By the way Im Muslim so yeah.

So I met my husband by accident and I would never have given him the time of day let alone my phone number yet I dont why I did and here we are married. But the problem was that he was older, white and Christan as i was young, middle eastern, and muslim. So big family conflict and i left my family and all that we got married in court quickly and moved here closer to his parents, however now after a year of living on pay check to pay check which i have gotten completly accustom to I just keep thinking...

I had dreamed of a beautiful wedding ever since i was young, but I will not ever have that, I mean is this it? Now i just keep going the way we are going have kids and thats it?

I never had an adventure or girl time vaction,so what happens next?? I never gave dating a chance? I ddin't do late night parties. Did I mess up and miss my youth?????


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## seahrse22 (Apr 8, 2009)

Marriage is NOT easy, I feel sorry for you because I know how you are feeling.
I didnt grow up rich by any means BUT always worked hard, had my own money and if I wanted something, i just bought it. 
Now bein married I gained HIS Loans and HIS bills and HIS excessive spending, he grew up used to living pay check to pay check, his whole family has always done that so just like your husband, its almost like its normal to them.
AS for the missing your youth- I think if you would find some girl friends to have a girls night once a week or something that would help. Not to sure how your husband would feel about late night partying thing tho :scratchhead:
I think every lady goes through these feelings your talking about, like WOW this is it? Bummer... But if you try to do fun exciting things-even WITH the hubby- you wont feel like you missed so much !
God wont put you through more then you can handle


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

time to give up your girlish dreams, fantasies of how life is and to start living the real life you have.

Get a job that will pay your bills. 

And find a social life too. 

If you find that you regret not being the single girl on the go then you have to either find a way to appreciate your life as it is or end your marriage and be that single girl on the go.

But if you do leave your marriage to try out that life, you risk finding that it is empty, that you want your marriage back. But that may not be possible.

I guess I'm saying you need to charge up the life you are actually living. You changed social class, economic class, even religious affiliation, to marry this man. So you are a bit disoriented.


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

MarineWife08-

I'm highly impressed that you managed to break free of so many things including your family. The sky is the limit for you, and I really mean that 

As far as you question goes: *So now I'm married, is this it?*

I would say it depends on what you mean by *this *and *it*.

I used to earn a lot of money, but things have been very tight since the recession started to bite. We simply can't afford to go out on a date even for coffee. We make every "red cent" last. However, all this has served to push my wife and I closer together. We have each other, and we have a place to live and 3 meals a day. That's all I need. 

Our idea of going out together consists of a walk round the local park. I also meet her at the supermarket so that she does not have to carry the shopping home on her own. We just compete with each other to see who can make the other the happiest.

We have just about fixed our money problems and I can honestly say that life with her is a full as life gets. It's all about awareness. I too left all religions but we both practise meditation and that helps to keep us awake to the important things in life.

I used to jet-set round the world at one time, that all means nothing to me now. Real life is what's been going on right under our noses while we were busy trying to find the meaning of life. This is it. Find new ways of enjoying it *right here, right now*.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

I always felt bad for average-earning guys who married girls from rich families, because it meant that the girl would look to her husband to find the lifestyle she "feels she deserves".

I am VERY happy that you have broken free of that attitude. It is an excellent example to others that money alone does not bring happiness.

I agree with Mark about what you mean by "this" and "it" -- ESPECIALLY "it". If by "it" you mean "all that marriage is" as in, what you have now is the most you will ever have, then I have bad news for you -- you are right.

What I mean by that is, marriage is what you MAKE of it. If you sit and say that it will never get better, then that is what you will achieve.

If by contrast, you and your husband sit down and talk about your values and goals, and make a plan to achieve them, then "it" (as you have written it here) is a barrier you will never run in to. You will always be making new and better "its" and you will become closer than you ever imagined.

Best of luck.


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