# Drinking and inhibitions while in a relationship



## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

I have read here on TAM that men who are in committed relationships want to avoid going out and drinking too much without their wife/girlfriend because there is temptation from other women. 

I want to ask if most men agree with this? What can a woman do to lower the temptation? Or is it impossible because of lowered inhibitions while under the influence or is it lack of judgement? 

I personally feel as a woman insecure when I read that there is even temptation in the first place. Does it mean the man we are in a good relationship with is tempted to stray even then? Or that we as women feel the need to "police" how much they drink or always be with them? Is it a trust issue? I would like to hear other men's thoughts on this one!


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

My reply, in a word-BS. I love my wife, and we are in a real good place right now. I would never be tempted whatsoever, drunk or sober. In my opinion, someone who admits they would be tempted is not all that happy with their relationship. I've been hit on, had many a conversation with other women when at a bar without my wife (which is infrequent) but have no interest in anything else. If anything out of line ever came up, i simply stated, "thanks, but i'm happily married" If i wasn't happily married, i cannot say for sure how i would feel or act. I would like to think that temptation would not be there but i'm not naive enough to believe it.
*Caveat-Claudia Schiffer and Cindy Crawford, in their prime, ask me for a threesome-i have to say yes*:


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

It just means not to put yourself in situation where any inappropriate behavior can be perceived.

It's not just for men y'know
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

We can generalize all you want, but I doubt that will help in any specific circumstances (e.g. yours). Personally the answer for me is no because I never (in the past 20 yrs) go out and END UP drinking too much. Getting hammered for me is a rare planned event and my W or BFF is designated driver/chaperone.

In general, I think you have to look at:
1) How is a person when they are drinking (e.g. loud, touchy/feely, in-your-face)?
2) Do they know when to stop?

People do lots of things (mostly stupid) when they get drunk that they would never do otherwise.

And you can't "police" how much they drink unless you ARE with them. Spend some time with him when he drinks and you should have a pretty good idea of how much you need to worry.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

JTL: Yes-I think you are right. It all comes down to how happy one is in their own relationship.

tacoma: Agree that this can also apply to women! I have seen married women out at a bar and acting flirty and inappropriate. Just was applying it to my own situation so therefore asked it in the Men's forum!

pb76no: I really would like to generalize this question so there wouldn't be a worry! But yes; I have been out with him and he is just fine, does not come on to anyone, is respectful and does know when to stop. This question actually came about because he mentioned that a single friend asked him out for drinks and he told him no; then later said he wasn't sure he wanted to be in a situation where he might be tempted and that is why he would not go. We are not married but have recently entered into an exclusive relationship so still learning about each other apparently.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

In my view, being tempted and acting on it are worlds apart (which will probably meet with substantial disapproval on this board). So for some, drinking can be problematic since thinking is diminished or non-existent. I think if you have tendencies to be inappropriate with OS, then drinking is just going to magnify that.

JLT - I guess I have a broader view of what "tempted" means. I am not 100% happy with my relationship, but even when we were at our worst, I still would not take temptation beyond my own imagination. So I think it is more a function of how committed you are to the relationship than it is to how happy you are.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

A man on a diet doesn't go to the ice cream shop.


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> A man on a diet doesn't go to the ice cream shop.


But he might walk past one and end up looking in the window.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> A man on a diet doesn't go to the ice cream shop.


Agreed.
Alcohol has one purpose.
That is to alter your mental state.

I lift weights in the gym, before I lift I use caffeine packed stimulants, they get me more mentally focused, increase my heart rate so that I can perform better in the gym.

In the same way anasthetics numb the flesh before surgery, so that you feel no pain.

There is a reason people shouldn't drive under the influence of alcohol....


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

pb76no said:


> But he might walk past one and end up looking in the window.


lol, yeah... show me that guy and I'll show you someone who isn't going to be on a diet long. 

Its dangerous to engage in "singles" activities, alcohol or not, without your wife. Ask me how I know? 

If he's going out with a bunch of other married men from time to time cool, but if they're going to "singles" locations (I think we all know what places I mean)... it probably should turn a couple wives heads.


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

I wouldnt want to be married to someone that is so weak as to be in jeopardy of violating our agreement because they drank and some douche took a swing. 

The whole concept here is if you are weak, pathetic, selfish then dont do it. If you have strong values it isnt an issue. 

If you are a dog sniffing every ass that crosses your path then go play in traffic


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## pb76no (Nov 1, 2012)

If he's walking past on purpose, then yes. And I agree completely about "singles" activities. I've always viewed drinking as a social activity. But like in real estate - its location, location, location!


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

pb76no said:


> But like in real estate - its location, location, location!


That's really my point. Its not the drinking. Its where you drink and who you're hanging with.

A married man who thinks its all good to always go drinking at singles locations with his single friends is a man who probably isn't long for being married... regardless of how how righteous and virtuous he is.

Good luck with that. "When you dance with the devil, the devil don't change... the devil changes you."


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## Disenchanted (Sep 12, 2012)

I can drink till the cows come home and never be tempted by any woman if my relationship is healthy.


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