# unsure feelings; please help sort them out



## oceanbreeze (Oct 8, 2007)

So I have been in the process of a quiet divorce since november 2010. My feelings were anger and disappointment, sometimes love and prayer for my soon to be ex husband, and then fear that he will easily move on and i am just so easily disposable. Well, Vday is tomorrow, and my bday is in 2 days. my therapist said that the holidays are hard when he was going through his divorce. now that i am going through divorce, i find myself reflecting all the positive and negative memories with my soon to be ex husband. 

i think i am still feeling the grief and loss of our marriage, but it truly could not be helped. i really loved my husband and i was devastated that it had to end, however, abuse, gambling, and cheating regularly with prostitutes are good honest reasons to divorce someone you love. 

I am still grieving on the loss of a marriage, how can I make it easier to get through it? any advice?


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## Sakaye (Feb 15, 2011)

My dear oceanbreeze - take a step back. Look at the list of wrongs that have been done to you. Now look at them as if they were your best friend describing her husband. What advice would you give her? Odd enough, we never follow our own advice, because it is so much clearer to see things when our hearts aren't involved. 
I am a believer of not forgetting the past. Some people like to move on to forget, but why forget? We lose the lesson if we forget, instead, keep the memories with you, remember what you liked about him that made you fall in love, and what you didn't so you can avoid them in the future. 
You are a strong woman. You can get through this and we are all here on this site for help, assurance, and to vent. Helen Keller once said "Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world." So, while it's okay to feel hurt, and cry once in a while. Please, don't let it consume you. You are worth more than that. I hope you are doing well. 
Do take care. 
Aloha


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