# Ashamed 70



## helenford62 (11 mo ago)

Hi all.
I have just joined. 5 weeks ago my husband strangled me. I have had alot of abuse for alot of the relationship. I caught him year Nov gone, txing another woman. I got on his messenger account and watched them both for 5 full days. He was making out I was vile etc and promising her the world. But I busted him. I thought give us another chance and we moved home. I lost my dad who was my world in Nov 21. Had no support from him. I get alot of mental abuse, he woke me up 21st Jan 12.45am, pushing me and swearing at me. He was drunk. But no excuse. I questioned him the morning after. That's when he jumped up and strangled me. Since then I have been in other room. He's not apologise to me. Since I have been quite distant. I have had quite alot been shouted at since,cos it's all my fault. I have logged things with police, I am starting divorce but he knows nothing yet. He's working away at moment, I have had 2 txs since Monday this week. I'm gonna hit him were it hurts..his money. He don't give me nothing and I don't know what he's got. No joint account..


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

helenford62 said:


> Hi all.
> I have just joined. 5 weeks ago my husband strangled me. I have had alot of abuse for alot of the relationship. I caught him year Nov gone, txing another woman. I got on his messenger account and watched them both for 5 full days. He was making out I was vile etc and promising her the world. But I busted him. I thought give us another chance and we moved home. I lost my dad who was my world in Nov 21. Had no support from him. I get alot of mental abuse, he woke me up 21st Jan 12.45am, pushing me and swearing at me. He was drunk. But no excuse. I questioned him the morning after. That's when he jumped up and strangled me. Since then I have been in other room. He's not apologise to me. Since I have been quite distant. I have had quite alot been shouted at since,cos it's all my fault. I have logged things with police, I am starting divorce but he knows nothing yet. He's working away at moment, I have had 2 txs since Monday this week. I'm gonna hit him were it hurts..his money. He don't give me nothing and I don't know what he's got. No joint account..


@helenford62 I'm sorry you are in this place. Marriage isn't supposed to be like this.
Men (I am male) are not supposed to treat their wives like this.

I'm happy to see you are taking action to protect yourself from his abuse, and even hitting him back in the process.
Good for you!

From the title of this thread, I really hope you don't feel ashamed. 
It sounds to me like he is the one that should be ashamed.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed of.

Hold your head high and strong.
Hit him where it counts but MAKE SURE you are protected and safe.
Don't let him hurt you any more.
You're better than he has treated you.

Keep posting here. There are some really super-smart people here who can help you through this.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

I would be heading for the door and a lawyer at the first sign of abuse. My wife left a former fiance in similar conditions and I've ended up with the woman of my dreams. There is better out there.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Can you get a restraining order to keep him from living in the same home with you? This is serious. You have no idea what he will do out of anger when he finds out your plan to divorce him. 

If you don't know what he's got, can you search his things to find whatever is there to get some clues to his assets? You can also have your attorney order a discovery in which he has to reveal all his assets.

How long have you two been married?


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## ThatDarnGuy! (Jan 11, 2022)

Forget about trying to get revenge through courts. A guy like this couldn't care less about a restraining order.

Your safety is in danger right now. I would strongly consider getting a few items packed, withdraw whatever is in checking, and get a ride through uber or whoever to a bus station. Ditch your phone and get a prepaid phone. He probably has tracking on the phone and your car. Get a hotel room far away and stay there for a couple of days to clear your head. Call family, friends, or whoever is trusted. No matter how hard it is, let them know what is happening. You will have strength through numbers.

Forget about trying to work things out as you are well beyond that. And try not to feel ashamed as you are the victim. 

If you have began divorce proceedings and he doesn't know. I strongly encourage you to leave now before he finds out.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

helenford62 said:


> Hi all.
> I have just joined. 5 weeks ago my husband strangled me. I have had alot of abuse for alot of the relationship. I caught him year Nov gone, txing another woman. I got on his messenger account and watched them both for 5 full days. He was making out I was vile etc and promising her the world. But I busted him. I thought give us another chance and we moved home. I lost my dad who was my world in Nov 21. Had no support from him. I get alot of mental abuse, he woke me up 21st Jan 12.45am, pushing me and swearing at me. He was drunk. But no excuse. I questioned him the morning after. That's when he jumped up and strangled me. Since then I have been in other room. He's not apologise to me. Since I have been quite distant. I have had quite alot been shouted at since,cos it's all my fault. I have logged things with police, I am starting divorce but he knows nothing yet. He's working away at moment, I have had 2 txs since Monday this week. I'm gonna hit him were it hurts..his money. He don't give me nothing and I don't know what he's got. No joint account..


I'm so sorry you are faced with this after so many years. But you have to get out. I think you should talk to a victim's advocate for ways to safely get out because he might get real violent when you try to go when he finds out. 

You should have a place to go to and sneak as much of your stuff you would need to get by out while he was gone without him knowing if possible. And you'd have to keep your location a secret from everyone for a while. You need to make sure he doesn't have a tracker on your phone and if you're not sure of that then you need to just ditch that phone and get another one.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

You need local expert advice on how to get out safely.

Is there an organization in your locale that provides support to victims of abuse?

Did the police refer you to any support agencies?


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## michelleM68 (Jan 22, 2011)

Hello..are you okay?


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