# seeking dominant man's opinion



## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I'm just curious here. I'm not trying to start a battle. I'm just interested in an opinion.

If I were having trouble in my marriage and told my husband I needed some space to decide if the marriage was salvagable.

What advice would you give my husband?

What, if any, advice would you give me?


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Here's my opinion, as is already posted other times on many other woman needing "space" questions.

These answers are assuming there is no substance or physical abuse or danger needing the woman to be removed from the situation.

Husband: Do not do it. The problem for a woman to leave is she is not feeling loved or desired, essentially insecure because you have dropped the ball in the matters of emotional and sexual responsibility. Determine these issues and fix them immediately, and communicate to your woman plainly and calmly that you recognize these things, what you are doing to fix them, and why.

When the woman is wanting to leave, it is because these things are neglected for some time, and her leaving is simply this, a test to see if the man is man enough to fight for her. 

To the woman: The problem is her man is neglecting areas of emotional and sexual responsibility, and instead to leave, tell her man calmly and plainly these specific areas, whether in himself or his environment, he is not in control of, and it is important for the relationship that he recognizes and fixes them.

Again the only reason for the woman to leave is for her to determine if her man is going to be man enough to fight for her.

This fight is merely this, will the man regain control of himself or his evironment and restore the structure of sexual attraction?


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Interesting....thanks.


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## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

scarletblue said:


> If I were having trouble in my marriage and told my husband I needed some space to decide if the marriage was salvagable.


It is also very common for women to ask for space after they have been maintaining an extramarital affair for some time, and the logistics of juggling between two people begin to be overwhelming.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I am not, nor is my husband, in this situation. I was just asking an opinion. I just want to clarify here.

I think there could be a few reasons why a person (man or woman) would ask for space. Yes, an affair could be one of them. 

To be honest, I just don't think that a blanket "don't give it to her" is the right answer for every situation.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

When a man and woman are on fire for each other, what is the good reason to "ask for space"?

When the man and woman are first dating, and thinking of each other and when they are apart are counting the minutes until they are back together, what is the good reason to "ask for space"?

These things are no different than for the marriage of 20, 30, 50 years or whatever.

Most of the time I am knowing what my wife is thinking before she even speaks (and she of me), and I consider it my responsibility to stoke her sexual fire burning hot even to the point that if we are not making some incredible sexual contact or act once or twice or more EVERY DAY I would take a serious look at what I am neglecting. 

And mostly it is her initiating or suggesting. Yes, this is sexual passion, and is a marriage of over 20 years.

For what is the good reason for a marriage, where there is sexual passion, to have the woman need "space"?

When there are problems, there is needing to emotionally and sexually reconnect and communicate. This is done with intimate and emotional communication, and as a man I consider it my responsibility to maintain these structures.

And my woman has the responsibility to communicate to me if these structures are misplaced, and I am the man to have the responsibility to make sure this communication is received in fullness.

Again, this is not accomplished when the man and woman are apart. 

It is only for a man and a woman who do not understand these structures, to be "confused" or "needing space" because of this confusion, to try to remove and withdraw. 

This is merely a test, nothing more. 

The woman, testing herself and her man as to whether she is important to him. 

And to the man, testing whether he is man enough to stand up for his woman.

And if the woman is leaving the man, needing "space", and the man does not care enough for his woman to prevent this, that is the failure of this test.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

I could be misunderstanding here, but it seems like you are making it sound like all a woman needs to be happy in a marriage is to be sexually satisfied and sexually excited. I think stoking the fires in one's intellect are important too.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

every situation is different and the variables way to vast. if one decides they need space, the end is usually near. i would think in "normal" relationships, the partner desiring space is at their wits end and has made some very tough decisions after a long period of thought. it is likely that person feels desperation and sees no future in staying around.


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

scarletblue said:


> I could be misunderstanding here, but it seems like you are making it sound like all a woman needs to be happy in a marriage is to be sexually satisfied and sexually excited. I think stoking the fires in one's intellect are important too.


What is the point of marriage? Who is to be married for intellectual stimulation that cannot be stimulated by just friendships, or intellectual endevours. Who would even to think that is helpful by surrending themself to another, and would find that important enough to no longer be just an individual and instead give all they have to become "one flesh" with another, for just the intellectual curiousity?

Sexual attraction is the stuff of poetry, mythology, songs, and stories as old as human existence. 

The motivation to take the journey, into the mind and the trust of another human being, a man to a woman, or a woman to a man, this motivation is sexual attraction. It is the "spark", the "passion", the "desire" to give up anything and everything to find a greater existence as united as "one" with another human being.

With sexual attraction, insecurity withers and dies.

When insecurity withers and dies, the good man and the woman have the courage to explore the universe together, and this exporation is including and much more than mere intellectual stimulation, it is even a "spiritual" exploration, and is most fullfilling to men and women for happiness. 

The start of the exploration together, the foundation and motivation to even bother, is sexual attraction.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Oh, I believe sexual attraction is important, don't get me wrong. I also believe there is WAY more to a marriage than that. I think having similiar goals, morals, mutual respect, and interests is important. You have to honestly enjoy each other's company, even when not in the bedroom.

I am stubborn and opinionated (redhead, lol), and believe it or not, pretty dang smart. I think that if my husband didn't respect and value my intellect, that my marriage would feel very empty eventhough we have an outstanding sex life.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

scarletblue said:


> Oh, I believe sexual attraction is important, don't get me wrong. I also believe there is WAY more to a marriage than that. I think having similiar goals, morals, mutual respect, and interests is important. You have to honestly enjoy each other's company, even when not in the bedroom.
> 
> I am stubborn and opinionated (redhead, lol), and believe it or not, pretty dang smart. I think that if my husband didn't respect and value my intellect, that my marriage would feel very empty eventhough we have an outstanding sex life.


i will submit to you, that without the outstanding sex life, things might very well be different. for me, without the regular intimacy that started in our relationship and the early part of our marriage, i have become far less patient for putting up with the other things that you describe. before you jump to conclusions, the sex slowed to a crawl way before i lost my patience. without intimacy with the one you dedicated your life to, the other stuff becomes mundain roomate activity. thats why i have reached the point that if my wife wanted "space", she can have it


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