# One year one from affair discovery ..



## itskaren

My life had changed forever after I found out by accident that he had been having an affair for 2 years. Words or feelings cannot describe how I felt perhaps 'shipwrecked''. If my husband could have an affair then so could anyone. Not in a million years would I have guessed.

So one year on ... we are still together . He is sorry etc and we are getting on great. However , what I will say is that my husband will never ever have 100% of me again. Ever.

I have learnt a lot about myself during the past 12 months. I know that I can manage on my own. I love my husband and always will but the treachery will always be there no matter how much we both try to ignore it. So whether it is day one (post dday) , 12 months one for 20 years.... I will never forget.


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## hibiscus

This is what infedelity does to a marriage. Your partner can be genuienely remorseful and tell you a thousand times that they will never cheat again. You believe them but there will always be that little nag of doubt.
feel the exact same way. I will never give 100% percent to my partner as the cheating has changed me forever. Its hardened me

am glad to hear that it's still working out though.


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## sammy3

I am 2.5 yrs out from my husband affair . We are friends . We are going to try for recovery after all this time spent apart. I too love him, and trying to understand if its true love or just gratefulness, or codependency that our relationship is now . I wonder too how its going play out .... 

Some say this is why we spent the rest of our married lives telling people how great our marriage really is afterwards... 

~sammy


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## accept1

I believe that if one stays one has to forget. Will it happen again one can never know. One cant be sure it wont happen to you either. But one must give him a chance. Make sure he hides nothing from you and that you know where he is all the time.


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## indiecat

Divorce is very painful too, so it's best to give the relationship a good try. IF he is otherwise kind, generous, and considerate, and not abusive it's well worth giving him a second chance.


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## 4getmenot

accept1 said:


> I believe that if one stays one has to forget. Will it happen again one can never know. One cant be sure it wont happen to you either. But one must give him a chance. Make sure he hides nothing from you and that you know where he is all the time.


How do you forget? 

I so wish I could. I long for who we were before I discovered his betrayal.


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## LongWalk

It was even painful for you to come on to TAM. You were very alone.

What did he do to repair the situation?

Is there anything more he can do?


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## remorseful strayer

accept1 said:


> I believe that if one stays one has to forget. Will it happen again one can never know. One cant be sure it wont happen to you either. But one must give him a chance. Make sure he hides nothing from you and that you know where he is all the time.


I think the bottom line is that a person should never trust anyone 100 percent. Really......, not your spouse, your kids, or even your mum and dad. 

Many people have found this out for example after loaning a son or parent money and then trusting they will pay it back. There are many times, when the loan is never repaid and trust is broken. 

Trust but verify......always and forever. Also always expect that the possibility that you may be disappointed will exist. 

Different events or stages in a person's life can make them vulnerable to cheating, even when they think they would be impervious to it. 

I think that's what they mean by walking a mile in someone's shoes first before you deign to judge them.


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## thompkevin

Yeah, I don't think you can ever forget. But with time, I suppose you don't think about it enough.


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## itskaren

thompkevin said:


> Yeah, I don't think you can ever forget. But with time, I suppose you don't think about it enough.


I disagree. I think about it EVERY day.


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## LongWalk

Does he feel it?


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## commonsenseisn't

itskaren said:


> I disagree. I think about it EVERY day.


I'm two decades out and I still think about it every day, but my ability to cope with it is vastly better. Yours will be too.


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## itskaren

LongWalk said:


> Does he feel it?


Umm I just don't know to be honest. Maybe.


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