# Hi from Paul



## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

Hi, I've been on this forum for about a week so far, so time to introduce myself. I've been married to my 2nd wife for over twenty years now which has been sometimes great but quite often rocky. I live in England, am 58, and fortunate enough not to HAVE to work for a living anymore 😀 All children we have from our first marriages are quite adult now and living happy lives in their own households. Generally, I'm happy too and occasionally is my wife, but when she isn't, it gets tough.

Some of you my have seen my first post titled sex failure after twenty years and many of the replies have been very helpful. From this I have found a way to increase sexual intimacy that works for both of us and that is a work in progress. Also, from help in this topic received and reading other people's topics, it became clear that my wife exhibits nearly all of the characteristics of someone afflicted with BCD (Borderline Personality Disorder). This appears to be quite controversial as a label to pin on someone, especially by those who also fit the BPD criteria so it seems prudent not to suggest this label to my wife. A member recommended a book "Stop walking on eggshells" which I'm part the way through and it all fits so far. This forum is a great place to get stuff off your chest, learn from others and help others too. Here it is safe to discuss very personal issues frankly and anonymously that I could not express to a friend or family member. 
Thanks again and I promise to update on my progress. My apologies if there is sometimes TMI in my posts in the Sex in Marriage forum, but at the time of posting, I thought it necessary to convey that level of detail for clarity.
Finally, I have used the acronym TMI in this post. The first time I saw this I had to Google it. Maybe an idea to have a key somewhere for all TLAs and other acronyms used in this Forum? :grin2:


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Welcome to the forum Paul. Here is a link that will help you with all the abbreviations.



http://http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/464-common-message-board-abbreviations-acronyms.html


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

In my early years, my feet were calloused and could not feel those eggshells.

As I have aged, my skin thins, my patience lessons. The pulling and "holding" power of my loins ebbs.

I too feel as you do...

I speak no further, lest I open the dam.

Open the Dam....release the Damned feelings. likewise. 

Like NOT wise to utter this looming truth.

Eggshells everywhere, no place to step comfortably. 

I hate wearing steel-toed shoes to bed.
Steel-toed shoes 100% of the time.

No time to "air out" my toes. Air them out...then walk in some warm dry sand. Abrade [off] the lingering sores borne of a lifetime of irritation.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Paul, welcome to the TAM forum! Like you, I was married to a BPDer -- for 15 years in my case. People having full-blown BPD account for 6% of the population and perhaps 12% of intimate relationships. When we include the folks with BPD symptoms that are strong but not full-blown, the share of relationships likely well exceeds 12%. Hence, there are numerous members and lurkers on this forum who can benefit from what you've learned in over 20 years of marriage to a BPDer. I therefore am pleased to hear that you are willing to help others by sharing your experiences with us.


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