# No Love After 3 Years



## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

Hi,

I just want people opinions that if you have been married for just over 3 years and you come to a conclusion you care about your wife as a human being but do not love her as a husband should love her wife and you see no future is it time to part ways or stay unhappy until that time clicks when love develops say it takes 10-20 years to grow a connection? I don't see us having kids soon or helping each other out financially or me growing a attraction to her personality. Her looks have faded due to climate as she is from another part of the world.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Just curious as to what it was that attracted you to her in the first place? How long did you date? Did you live together before marriage? What is it about her that has changed to the point where your feelings for her also changed? Did you do things together at the beginning that you no longer do?

Sorry about all the questions but I think these are some of the things you should also ask yourself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lisa2008 (Feb 18, 2011)

If there are no feelings, in my opinion just go sepate ways, you will be way happier... good luck...


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

Obviously there was love in the beginning, or you would not have gotten married in the first place, right? Well, it is quite normal for that loving feeling to subside after the honeymoon period is over. This period can last from a few months to 2-3 years. Now, if everyone was to bail after the honeymoon period was over the divorce rate would be 100% instead of 50%.

The kind of love that lasts a lifetime is not the same kind of love you feel when you first meet and fall in love; that's a combination of infatuation and lust. True love is when you truly care about your spouse's happiness and well being independent of how you feel.

There is plenty of material available on how to build true love in a marriage, even when the loving feeling is weak or even gone. So, your current situation does not necessarily mean a death sentence for your marriage. Its a choice; you can choose to work on building the love in your marriage, both of you, or you can choose to go your separate ways.

Keep in mind if you walk away, fully expect your next relationship to end up the same way, because.... the honeymoon period does not last forever.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

troy said:


> Obviously there was love in the beginning, or you would not have gotten married in the first place, right? Well, it is quite normal for that loving feeling to subside after the honeymoon period is over. This period can last from a few months to 2-3 years. Now, if everyone was to bail after the honeymoon period was over the divorce rate would be 100% instead of 50%.
> 
> The kind of love that lasts a lifetime is not the same kind of love you feel when you first meet and fall in love; that's a combination of infatuation and lust. True love is when you truly care about your spouse's happiness and well being independent of how you feel.
> 
> ...


:iagree: Couldn't have said it better. You've lost that connection. There are great books out there. If you care about her, you'll discuss this with her and seek counseling. It's best to give it your best shot, because at least you'll grow as a husband, even if you decide to part ways. If not, you carry this into your next relationship.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

If you are sure you do not love her, then let her go so she can find someone who will love her. It's only fair.


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## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

Lisa2008 said:


> If there are no feelings, in my opinion just go sepate ways, you will be way happier... good luck...


I agree with you Lisa its the easy option we are already separated so I think it will be for the better. 



troy said:


> Obviously there was love in the beginning, or you would not have gotten married in the first place, right? Well, it is quite normal for that loving feeling to subside after the honeymoon period is over. This period can last from a few months to 2-3 years. Now, if everyone was to bail after the honeymoon period was over the divorce rate would be 100% instead of 50%.
> 
> The kind of love that lasts a lifetime is not the same kind of love you feel when you first meet and fall in love; that's a combination of infatuation and lust. True love is when you truly care about your spouse's happiness and well being independent of how you feel.
> 
> ...


A lot of these books are all marketing hype and don't give a real insight or a practical aspects to everyday living like people in this forum do. Most of them are A to Z step by step useless experiments like once I read sleep in 2 different rooms and you will grow love and you will think about each other more than with each other bollocks!

We don't share the same vision for ourselves and children is a no go zone until our vision comes together?


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

Its true some of the books out there are useless - I read more than one. But there are some that are very good.

I feel the best way to go is a combination of sound marital education, which you can get from books, and real world experience which you can get from places like TAM, talking to experienced people, and counseling.

I'v read enough books, so now I am hanging out on this site to learn and grow from the real world experience I am being exposed to on this site.


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