# ughhhhh...help please!



## neoh74 (Jul 17, 2010)

I've been in a rut for about a week and see no way out. I'm usually happy go lucky. Our son was born just about five years ago, then a year later she had a hysterectomy. Since then she has had no sex drive, gets more and more irritable by the year. She does give in and let me have sex with her every couple weeks, but she just lays there. Never initiates anything! There is no passion, no chemistry. I become more and more frustrated as the months go on. Ive read several books online, tried talking to her, but nothings worked. Lately her attitude just gets in the way of everything! For my business i had my cell number on the back of my SUV. On a family trip I received two phone calls from strangers telling me how dangerous she was driving. She goes off on people in walmart for little reason. Anything and everything sets her off. If i try to talk or ask a question while watching tv she loses it flinging her arms wildly. With hers, mine and ours we have six children living with us.

Last week I asked her a question when i got out of the shower. She spends so much time on the internet "farming" in games these days it must be like an escape. It was like I broke the ten commandments in one fail swoop! I shut down. I've slept on the couch for a week, i'm tired, im frustrated. I'm not perfect. I have my faults. But I miss having a relationship where I can be myself. We went to a counseling session that was for my son. But I don't feel like trying. 
I don't think I can live without the passionate, love and sex filled relationship. I need my mate to be able to initiate love and sex with me. I need to feel needed and wanted.

Anyone with any good advice that has worked? OR are we doomed?


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## Carron36 (Jun 2, 2010)

just a thought...she may need hormone therapy to offset the fact she doesn't have ovaries to produce them anymore. Sex drive is dramatically affected by a hysterectomy or menopause (and not in a good way). If she won't she her gyn for meds or won't take prescription meds, there are herbal supplements that can be tried. There's no guaranty the natural vitamins will do the trick but it might be a start.


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## neoh74 (Jul 17, 2010)

she still has hers...


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## Carron36 (Jun 2, 2010)

ok then, she's miserable about something then if she's got that much anger in her. When a woman is pissed off, no one is going to be happy ! and we usually take it out on the ones we live with first. I'm guilty of that. 
you haven't given a lot of background info, is she the type to blame everyone else for the way things are? does she readily accept responsibility for her f*#@ ups? 
If her life isn't the way she imagined, being married and having a child may not be as fulfilling as she had imagined (it's a lot of frigin work !) and she's full of resentment...that's going to kill any passion she used to have. When we're young girls, most of us are raised with really romantic ideas of getting married and having children. Of course, no one tells us that once the fun of planning a wedding and the excitement of the wedding day are over, most of us settle into a very unexciting routine of day to day life.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

Carron36 said:


> When we're young girls, most of us are raised with really romantic ideas of getting married and having children. Of course, no one tells us that once the fun of planning a wedding and the excitement of the wedding day are over, most of us settle into a very unexciting routine of day to day life.


thats is an interesting thought indeed, makes sense.


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## neoh74 (Jul 17, 2010)

she blames everyone else first, and if you dont do it her way, weather wrong or right you better watch out. We went to disneyland last weekend and I told her which hotel we were staying at that she had booked. While driving she had to double check her email on her phone. After watching her drive in horror for less than 60 seconds I grabbed my phone and said dont worry i'll check, you sent it to my email too...her phone went flying across the car...
having so many kids is allot of work, she accepted them all into our home, but no one (including me) ever asked her first. Just when it was a necessity to take them in. I guess 
I kinda put her on the spot? I know im a guy, but I cant live without my kids!


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## Carron36 (Jun 2, 2010)

and no one should ask you to live without your children, even her. Your marriage won't survive if she can't meet you at least part of the way and since she's the type who blames everyone else for her situation and doesn't accept responsibility for her own choices, you may have to take a different approach...pointing out how her anger and bad behavior affects your family might be a good start


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