# Finger stimulation



## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Along with her other sexual hang-ups including no oral giving or receiving my wife will not let me touch the inside of her with my fingers?
With past partners this action was a given part of foreplay, it also was a guide to see if they were ready / wet enough. My hands are always washed and nails filed. 

Any ideas why this action could be considered taboo by the wifey?


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## WhiteRabbit (May 11, 2011)

is she OCD? maybe she considers fingers too dirty even after washing? maybe she had a bad experience with it once and has a fear of it now?

OR if you're using it for foreplay or to see if she's ready, once you're in the act if you're in missionary position your fingers will likely be up around her face somewhere...maybe she doesn't like the thought of that? or she doesn't want you touching her with your vagina fingers all over her face and body? lol sorry to use the term vagina fingers...i don't know what else to call them!


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## frustr8dhubby (Dec 23, 2010)

Wish I could help. My wife is the same way now. She used to let me and I miss it. For one thing it was a sure fire way to get her to squirt. Now she is finally warming back up to oral a little but still won't let my fingers in her.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Has your wife ever let you do this? If not, have you ever asked her why she doesn't like it?

I guess I would recommend trying to find things that actually float her boat, and if she seems to have a sunken ship, then there could be issues outside of the bedroom that need to be investigated.

If she doesn't have that emotional connection with you because of other things going on in your marriage, she may be very reluctant to do all sorts of sexual things with you. Or if she's had conditioning such as religious taboos, familial reinforcement that certain sexual things are bad, or something happened in her past with a different parnter that makes her uncomfortable, she may be reluctant as well.

One more thing - how old is your wife? As women age and go through perimenopause and menopause, the tissues in their vagina thin out due to the decrease in hormones, and it could also be that it simply is not as pleasant feeling to her as it used to be.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Has your wife ever let you do this? If not, have you ever asked her why she doesn't like it?
> 
> I guess I would recommend trying to find things that actually float her boat, and if she seems to have a sunken ship, then there could be issues outside of the bedroom that need to be investigated.
> 
> ...


She is 40 she has never had another partner and if she every let me finger her it has been so long that I forgot. But I'm sure that when we were young that i must of did it a lot.


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

has she ever signaled that intercourse may be uncomfortable?

And, have you ever asked her, not during sex, but maybe over coffee, why she doesn't like that?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Have you tried gentle probing with a toy?


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

piqued said:


> has she ever signaled that intercourse may be uncomfortable?
> 
> And, have you ever asked her, not during sex, but maybe over coffee, why she doesn't like that?


No problem once or twice a week with duty intercourse as apposed to once or twice a month as in the past. She always gets off as well, which is totally strange to me. When I ask her about sex she responds with i only like normal sex. Everything else is nasty or kinky?


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

frustated said:


> No problem once or twice a week with duty intercourse as apposed to once or twice a month as in the past. She always gets off as well, which is totally strange to me. When I ask her about sex she responds with i only like normal sex. Everything else is nasty or kinky?


Okay, so she has a sexual hang-up or a sexual aversion for whatever reason.

About the orgasms - for many women, unlike most men, the orgasm is not the end-all and be-all. Hard for men to understand that, probably.  I think a lot of women are more concerned with the level of connectedness to their husband the sex makes them feel (although if she never O'd that understanding could change.) 

Aversions are hard to deal with - because the person who has the aversion is the one who has to want to and be willing to change. But, as her partner you can help her. One thing is to not push her because that just makes it worse. A person with an aversion has to be supported, and 'pulled' toward you instead.

Here's a good article from marriagebuilders that might be able to give you some ideas: 

How to Overcome Sexual Aversion


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Could be she is not getting horny enough.


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## frustated (Jun 24, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Okay, so she has a sexual hang-up or a sexual aversion for whatever reason.
> 
> About the orgasms - for many women, unlike most men, the orgasm is not the end-all and be-all. Hard for men to understand that, probably.  I think a lot of women are more concerned with the level of connectedness to their husband the sex makes them feel (although if she never O'd that understanding could change.)
> 
> ...


 Nice article thanks, "not push,pulled towards you" I here things like that and don't press give it time don't pressure. I'm at year 22 in this marriage, age 45 things have to improve soon I'm getting old.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

frustated said:


> Nice article thanks, "not push,pulled towards you" I here things like that and don't press give it time don't pressure. I'm at year 22 in this marriage, age 45 things have to improve soon I'm getting old.


Yah - if she has always been like this - uphill battle. She has got to want to do it. Is she WILLING to work on it?

Have you guys ever considered going through counseling - maybe even seeing a sex therapist? You will likely have to set some kind of a boundary and consequence if you want to see any traction. Because if she's been able to skirt along for 22 years, she has little impetus and motivation to change, imo.


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