# 9yr old son struggling



## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

My xH and I separated at the beginning of the year. We share custody of our kids half the week each (50/50). Our kids (DD 11yo and DS 9yo) seemed to be doing okay, but lately things seem to be going downhill for my boy.

I did a bigger post but decided to cut it right down. I can't go into depth, but if your kids are struggling with what's happening with the other parent, would it be helpful or not to discuss it with the other parent, or should you stay out of it and leave them to figure it out without interference, just hoping it all works out okay?


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## ifimbeinghonest (May 28, 2017)

That's going to have a number of variables. Speaking from my own experiences. I have 2 kids with my xH, we've been sharing custody for over 7 years now. the arrangement has changed several times throughout the years due to different circumstances. I have learned that instead of being quick to approach my xH with what's going on, I'm going to get more information and give more in-depth and better guidance to my children by teaching them how to handle situations happening at the other house. If the situations gets to a point of needing to discuss with the X, then do so by doing your best to protect the conversation between you and your child.

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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

It's kind of hard to answer without any details. If it is an abusive, harmful, or dangerous situation then you need to intervene. If it is something more minor, then I think you should mostly keep out of it. You should talk with your son and possibly provide him with some information or strategies to deal with the issues. You could also talk with the other parent in a more generalized way about your son having some adjustment issues. You'd have to be diplomatic not to go in all accusatory of the other parent. Make it about your son, and try to make it a team problem which needs a team solution. His father may not be aware of the issue, so you bringing it to his attention may be a necessary step in getting it resolved. The thing is you can't tell another parent how to be a parent! This calls for tact and patience.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Thanks for the replies. I'll think on what you've said. It's a difficult situation, parenting from different households. Learning to navigate the issues is going to be a long process I guess.


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