# On the edge and can't move on, help



## Alone again (3 mo ago)

Eleven years ago I lost my husband. Two years later I met a man on match and we married. It has been a toxic relationship from day one, and now, he says he does not want to be obligated to me anymore. He is a serial cheater in that his first marriage ended because of infidelity and he has cheated on me countless times. By obligation, he means his time. I support myself 100%, he pays none of my bills, and never has, which is ok. Essentially, he wants his freedom. I am 67 and he is 73. This is so stupid. I feel like High School all over again except I don't have a lifetime ahead of me. The pain I am going through is preventing me from living my life. I do nothing but cry and think of ways of just ending it all. I feel like I am already close to the end of my life does it really matter? What is the sense of waking up to nothing and just waiting for bedtime? I am so sad I am scared. I am way too old for this heartache and cannot move on. He refuses counseling. I am healthy, fairly attractive, or my kids say so anyway, and financially secure. How do I get beyond this? My first husband did not leave by choice. He died. This one just doesn't want me and my heart is broken.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Get yourself to individual counselling. 

You can't keep someone who doesn't want to stay. What you can do is make yourself a life that's more than waiting for bedtime.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

I echo that you need to get yourself some therapy asap. Please think of your kids. No matter how old they are, they need you present. You are in a better position to leave than most in that you don’t have young children and you are financially self sufficient. The heartache is just part of life and will subside. You DESERVE to be treated with dignity and respect by everyone in your life, especially a spouse. It doesn’t sound as if you were ever really happy with him anyway, maybe more just the idea. What keeps you there? Think about what you would tell your daughter if she were living in the same situation. Make the decision. Go through the emotions. And surround yourself by family and friends. Big hugs to you. You don’t deserve to be treated this way, but only you can make the choices that shape your life. You made a poor one, but you can fix it! Only you!


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## Alone again (3 mo ago)

Laurentium said:


> Get yourself to individual counselling.
> 
> You can't keep someone who doesn't want to stay. What you can do is make yourself a life that's more than waiting for bedtime.
> 
> I have been in counseling since my husband died. I am afraid if I tell anyone how I am feeling, they will put me in a "safe place." I had a tough time after my husband's death, and I thought I would not survive. But it was different. I was in shock, devastated, sad, mad, confused, and just nuts really. He did not choose to die. We were empty nesters. I was completely and utterly alone. With this man, I am heartbroken and in denial. I want to know why I am not good enough to be loved.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Alone again said:


> I have been in counseling since my husband died. I am afraid if I tell anyone how I am feeling, they will put me in a "safe place."


I don't know how it works where you are. But I'd guess you can't be "put" somewhere against your will, unless you make an actual attempt at ending your life. Talk honestly to your counsellor, otherwise it is a pointless exercise. 



> I had a tough time after my husband's death, and I thought I would not survive. But it was different. I was in shock, devastated, sad, mad, confused, and just nuts really.


Yeah, I had a crazy time after my wife died. But the fact that you can see it was nuts, means you are no longer entirely nuts. 



> I want to know why I am not good enough to be loved.


Oh come on. You know that's not what it is. You need your counselor's help to figure out who it is you are really angry with. I'd have a suspicion it could be your late husband, but that might be a really hard thing to think about. Or maybe it's yourself. Talk to your counselor about what's really going on.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Please accept my belated condolences on the death of your late husband. 

This new guy . . .just get rid of him. You are only 67. You have your health, your kids & financial security. You don't need this or him. You are not dead yet. When you get rid of him things will improve & you will feel better. 

At this point you just have to choose happiness. I used to seethe when my therapist said that to me, but it is true. Make the choices that improve your life. If you had a pair of shoes that pinched your feet, you'd throw them out or give them away, not wear them 24/7. Same concept. 

Best wishes.


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## re16 (Oct 9, 2012)

You likely have many years left and a lot to live for. Do you have grandchildren?

This man is ruining what should be a great time in your life. You need to eradicate him from your life.

What is your living situation with him? You should file and just let your attorney contact him.


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