# Why sex gets stale and uninteresting.



## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

So like a lot of couples on here my wife and I have hit a point in our marriage of nearly 7 years where the sex has gotten stale and uninteresting, and although we have talked about it many times we still fall right back into the same ol habits. The following below are some of the biggest factors that I see as the reasons why, and I am trying to get us into counseling but she's not on board at all yet.

- we had A LOT of sex together in several different positions in different rooms of the house the first 4 years or so, but then it began to slow down and get a little boring and stale.

- we both have careers where we work 45-50 hours a week.

- we have a cute house but it needs fixing up here and there, so we have been cramming those projects into our weekends the past 3 years or so.

- and........we have both put on a few pounds since our wedding nearly 7 years ago, and we are no longer in our 30's like we were back then so we have less energy of course.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

So make it fresh and exciting.

Do something freaky..... oral sex in the car, mutual masturbation by web cam, bend her over the kitchen table during your lunch hour.

There are a millions things to do that you haven't done.

You're not going to like them all but I'm betting you won't be bored
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Try a weekend getaway. That will take you out of your normal routine, get you away from your jobs and the house repairs, and it will give you a new place to have sex. Hotel sex is great for reviving passion.

It will also give you the time to focus on each other in romantic ways, not just sex.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

I appreciate all the advice so far and I forgot to add the fact that my wife is extremely uptight and conservative most of the time, so it usually takes a lot of work to get her into the bedroom and "in the mood" a lot of times and quite frankly it kills my mood so I don't even bother.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Monotony out of the bedroom can translate to monotony in the bedroom.

I'd recommend making more weekly/monthly time to do something fun together. Take a dancing class together, go on more walks, get involved in charity or something different. Just do it together so you continue to grow together and breakup the daily weekly cycle of work/chores during the week days and house projects during the weekend.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

my wife is conservative also, but every now and then she will break loose like a superfreak, especially after we fight. maybe you need to try and be more assertive, aggressive


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> I appreciate all the advice so far and I forgot to add the fact that my wife is extremely uptight and conservative most of the time, so it usually takes a lot of work to get her into the bedroom and "in the mood" a lot of times and quite frankly it kills my mood so I don't even bother.


Add alcohol.



Seriously.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

My wife is conservative as well, but she has been talking about doing square/line/contra dancing for years... so this fall we are going to start. Seems like fun, I've just got to get over the fact that I have 2 left feet. 

I'm doing my best to try and get into shape too so I'm not sucking gas on the dance floor.


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## Laureen (Apr 3, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> So like a lot of couples on here my wife and I have hit a point in our marriage of nearly 7 years where the sex has gotten stale and uninteresting, and although we have talked about it many times we still fall right back into the same ol habits. The following below are some of the biggest factors that I see as the reasons why, and I am trying to get us into counseling but she's not on board at all yet.
> 
> - we had A LOT of sex together in several different positions in different rooms of the house the first 4 years or so, but then it began to slow down and get a little boring and stale.
> 
> ...



Oh.... So, you're one of those guys, huh? Expecting that when life gets lifey, sex stays sexy?? Come one! Life is busy man. And women just get plain tuckered. We also know how to prioritize. Sleep comes before sex as we age. And, the familiar is comfortable and safe. She must really love you and feel safe with you if she is not complaining about monotony. Your relationship is about partnership and sex is a pleasurable gift to enjoy with each other in your relationship. Try focusing on all the great things you two are accomplishing and quit worrying about it getting stale. Take her away on a mini-vaca for a weekend every 3 or 4 months. You don't have to go far, just away. A hotel down the road. Bring toy, oils, candles and chocolates, strawberries, honey, whatever... but leave the phones at home!! She will appreciate you appreciating her so much... I can almost assure you a fantastic sex filled night and maybe even the weekend!! 

But really, take it easy and appreciate your wife and all of the goals you are working towards. Ask her about her day and when she answers you LISTEN. Hold her, rub her shoulders or feet. Cook HER a meal, draw her a bath. I know it sounds one way, but really? Men forget very quickly what women want because men are too focused on their penises!!


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

You mention that you had a lot of sex in the beginning of the relationship, so she can't be all that uptight. Since you are here, how have you changed? Are you two still dating each other - and by that I mean going out and having fun, dressing up for each other, doing that things you did to impress each other? 

The biggest mistake I made was to quit dating my wife. I am better now but really dropped the ball on that. You may need to cut back on the home improvement projects and make time for the marriage improvement activities as well (corny, yes, but still true).

Try out the Married Man's Sex Life Book and Blog. It is not fool proof, but there are a lot of great ideas here that may help. While it talks alot about improving the sex life, it is really about improving yourself as a man. Read it with that goal in mind.

Another thing to look at His Needs Her Needs (you can find it on the web) and do the questionaire. It can help you be smart about connecting, by figuring out what your wife's needs are and how you need to go about fullfilling them.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

I have read each post and appreciate all the input and a lot of the ideas have already been tried - and some failed, and in the end there really is no quick fix guaranteed answer or else there wouldn't be sooooo many couples going through the exact same things.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> I have read each post and appreciate all the input and a lot of the ideas have already been tried - and some failed, and in the end there really is no quick fix guaranteed answer or else there wouldn't be sooooo many couples going through the exact same things.


Which of these things have you tried and which have failed?

I certainly never promised a quick fix. There is truth to the idea that things worth having require work. Really, the main issue is that you can only change yourself, so work to that with goal of leading your wife on a journey together.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> I appreciate all the advice so far and I forgot to add the fact that my wife is extremely uptight and conservative most of the time, so it usually takes a lot of work to get her into the bedroom and "in the mood" a lot of times and quite frankly it kills my mood so *I don't even bother*.


Yes ... de-prioritizing each other inside and outside the bedroom is the reason why sex can get stale and uninteresting.

If YOU want something badly enough, then YOU have to be the one that works toward that desired outcome.

If you aren't willing to do the work and endure the effort involved, then it's not likely you'll really get what you would like. 

_"All the so-called "secrets of success" will not work unless you do." ~ anon_

Best wishes.


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## Havesomethingtosay (Nov 1, 2011)

Do you have an unrealistic view of what sex should be? Reading TAM I think too many here really do have a view of this wild, uninhibited, penthouse forum, hours upon hours, orgasm after orgasm anything goes sex.....

Geez the poll below where everyone lasts 20+ minute (vs. the measured avg of 3-7 minutes) tells me that either everyone on TAM are freaks or that exaggeration is the norm around here.

45-50 hour work weeks and no kids, leaves lots of time for sex 1-2X/wk..... As I always say, pass on the Two and a Half Men or Big Bang Theory rerun those nights, get under the sheets and have fun. 

And what again are you looking for to make sex interesting????


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Which of these things have you tried and which have failed?
> 
> I certainly never promised a quick fix. There is truth to the idea that things worth having require work. Really, the main issue is that you can only change yourself, so work to that with goal of leading your wife on a journey together.


Well one of the things is that we do go away to the beach every now and then and get a room for a night or two, and there's plenty of romance happening and good times taking place _while_ we are there, and we do take a nice week vacation every year that usually turns out great. But once we are back home and back into the thick of things all the stress of life and work sets in and romance gets put on the back burner, and a lot of times it's her not in the mood and sometimes it's me. One thing that has changed over the past 3+ years is that my wife did get a new job and a big promotion as a "Compliance Manager" for a hospital, and it leaves her with a lot less time and a lot more stress.

We are both to blame for the lack of romance in our marriage but all I keep hearing from other long time married couples is - "this is all normal".


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> Well one of the things is that we do go away to the beach every now and then and get a room for a night or two, and there's plenty of romance happening and good times taking place _while_ we are there, and we do take a nice week vacation every year that usually turns out great. But once we are back home and back into the thick of things all the stress of life and work sets in and romance gets put on the back burner, and a lot of times it's her not in the mood and sometimes it's me. One thing that has changed over the past 3+ years is that my wife did get a new job and a big promotion as a "Compliance Manager" for a hospital, and it leaves her with a lot less time and a lot more stress.
> 
> We are both to blame for the lack of romance in our marriage but all I keep hearing from other long time married couples is - "this is all normal".



It is as normal as you want it to be. What type of time do you spend together during "normal" life? Do you talk and interact, or go about your tasks and sit in front of the TV?

If you have not done so, grab the His Needs Her Needs questionaire and have both of you do it. It is a great way to figure out what her top needs are, so that you can work smarter. For example, if her top need is words of affirmation (ILYs, telling her the great job she is doing etc,), then getting her flowers or gifts might not mean much to her. There is a tendency for all of us to do things for our spouse what we want for ourselves.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I agree with Dean in that it's stress related, since vacation seems to be a temporary cure.

I'd like to encourage you both to exercise if you don't already (sports, working out at the gym, yoga, pilates, dancing classes, etc.). It can really help with stress (not to mention just general health). I know squeezing in exercise into a busy work schedule can be really hard, but it might be worth trying even for just a few weeks to see if it makes a difference.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> I agree with Dean in that it's stress related, since vacation seems to be a temporary cure.
> 
> I'd like to encourage you both to exercise if you don't already (sports, working out at the gym, yoga, pilates, dancing classes, etc.). It can really help with stress (not to mention just general health). I know squeezing in exercise into a busy work schedule can be really hard, but it might be worth trying even for just a few weeks to see if it makes a difference.


I second this suggestion, and I'll extend it to other activities as well. Anything that gets you out of the house _together_, so you can get away from some of the stresses and put your mind in a different place.

It can be anything, really - bike riding together, hikes or walks, picnic in the park, summer street festivals and outdoor concerts. 

You really have to make the time to disconnect from work stress and focus on each other. It teaches you to see each other and time together as a welcome source of stress relief. Once you start seeing each other as comfort and fun during stressful times, time together becomes something you look forward to and plan rather than something that you squeeze in when you have a minute.

And hey, a glass of wine doesn't hurt.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> - and........we have both put on a few pounds since our wedding nearly 7 years ago, and we are no longer in our 30's like we were back then so we have less energy of course.


I find that my mind has unending energy, its only my body that can't keep up sometimes - exercise one the other may follow. So try writing naughty little text messages to each other. Share a really dark fantasy with her you may be surprised at her enthusiasm, she likely may have some dark fantasies of her own.

Someone mentioned sex in a car - my ex W and I did that a few times but neither of us were on the petite side... but I recently bought a car with a little more head room and leg room than the old one and also happened to be dating a new woman at the time (which of course helps with the motivation part I'm sure) but it was nothing like I ever thought it could be - intense, we parked (in a fairly public place even) were making out and when the windows steamed up off came our clothes and I was surprised how many positions you can come up with in the drivers seat of a car  !!! try it I dare you.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Lon said:


> I find that my mind has unending energy, its only my body that can't keep up sometimes - exercise one the other may follow. So try writing naughty little text messages to each other. Share a really dark fantasy with her you may be surprised at her enthusiasm, she likely may have some dark fantasies of her own.
> 
> Someone mentioned sex in a car - my ex W and I did that a few times but neither of us were on the petite side... but I recently bought a car with a little more head room and leg room than the old one and also happened to be dating a new woman at the time (which of course helps with the motivation part I'm sure) but it was nothing like I ever thought it could be - intense, we parked (in a fairly public place even) were making out and when the windows steamed up off came our clothes and I was surprised how many positions you can come up with in the drivers seat of a car  !!! try it I dare you.


I can tell you now she would not go for that, and my wife is the type that must go through the whole candlelight - soft music - and lots of foreplay to get completely in the mood. And that's all fine and dandy but sometimes I just want us to quickly whip our clothes off and get "down and dirty", but anytime we've tried that I can fully tell she's both uncomfortable and unhappy with that choice. *Sigh*


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> I can tell you now she would not go for that, and my wife is the type that must go through the whole candlelight - soft music - and lots of foreplay to get completely in the mood. And that's all fine and dandy but sometimes I just want us to quickly whip our clothes off and get "down and dirty", but anytime we've tried that I can fully tell she's both uncomfortable and unhappy with that choice. *Sigh*


I didn't mean to imply it was something that you could do, or just try - I understand how frustrating it is... but what I'm trying to imply is that everyone has an inner animal, its a matter of coaxing it out of each other. The way you are used to coaxing that just isn't paying off for you (and I would bet her too) anymore, and so the reason I wrote was to suggest that you need to change your approach if you want to get different results. I don't know your W or her inhibitions, the exact way you do it is for you to figure out, but you need to have the courage to experiment a little, don't be afraid of rejection or offending her, learn how to pick up her cues and figure out how to seduce your W again. Foreplay doesn't have to mean candles, but if you keep at it constantly, little texts (teasing and making them somewhat sexual but not rude) and you may find when you finally are in contact you both want to rip each others clothes off again. Good luck, it probably feels a little hopeless sometimes but persevere because when it starts working again it will be motivating and fun.


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## alex2 (Apr 8, 2012)

look fella, of all the problems in the world, you got it easy!

Bored? You have all the power to change it.

-Take a shower with her
-bring her breakfast in bed nake
-invite her to a restaurant at a hotel, then hand her the hotel room key
-drop by her work at lunch, have sex in the car
-take her shopping at a well selected store and have sex in the dressing room

Be creative. You can fix this!


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

I appreciate that Lon but trust me she isn't my first - second - or even fifth lover through my 46 years alive. So I have learned & experienced many things along the way no doubt, but what I've also learned is that what works on one woman and turns her on - can totally turn OFF another woman for various reasons and does not work. And just for the record: I try and never leave the bed or go to sleep until I've made sure my partner or my wife has reached her big "O" as well, using a few obvious methods that most should know about already.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> I appreciate that Lon but trust me she isn't my first - second - or even fifth lover through my 46 years alive. So I have learned & experienced many things along the way no doubt, but what I've also learned is that what works on one woman and turns her on - can totally turn OFF another woman for various reasons and does not work. And just for the record: I try and never leave the bed or go to sleep until I've made sure my partner or my wife has reached her big "O" as well, using a few obvious methods that most should know about already.


Well maybe since you are always making sure to please her, then next time just focus on your own orgasm and make her earn hers. Finish in her, don't let her climax and then look her in the eye, cuddle, talk, or do something else. ie truly experiment.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Lon said:


> Well maybe since you are always making sure to please her, then next time just focus on your own orgasm and make her earn hers. Finish in her, don't let her climax and then look her in the eye, cuddle, talk, or do something else. ie truly experiment.


The whole point I was making is that she shouldn't have any complaints in the bedroom since I make sure she is taken care of too, and that she gets all the foreplay that she needs and usually requires. But some of the women from my past got _"there"_ really easy and some like my wife take A LOT of work in the bedroom to reach that pinnacle.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> I can tell you now she would not go for that, and my wife is the type that must go through the whole candlelight - soft music - and lots of foreplay to get completely in the mood. And that's all fine and dandy but sometimes I just want us to quickly whip our clothes off and get "down and dirty", but anytime we've tried that I can fully tell she's both uncomfortable and unhappy with that choice. *Sigh*


Perhaps that is because you two have trained yourself to be that way. Based on your first post, she was not originally like that (unless you had to set up dinner, dancing and candles in each different room).

There is something to be said for just taking her, worrying less about her orgasm and more about just not being able to control yourself with her. Perhaps go to the gym together, then while in the shower, go for it.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> Perhaps that is because you two have trained yourself to be that way. Based on your first post, she was not originally like that (unless you had to set up dinner, dancing and candles in each different room).
> 
> There is something to be said for just taking her, worrying less about her orgasm and more about just not being able to control yourself with her. Perhaps go to the gym together, then while in the shower, go for it.


We have done it in the shower and in our garden tub and a few other different places, but my wife has already confessed to me that a lot of the things we did in the beginning were just to please ME and is not something she enjoys any longer. I have found in this life that there are _spicy_ lovers, and then there are the _vanilla_ ones that no matter what spices you try and throw in the mix that they will always want to get back to being......plain. Unfortuneatly I am having to accept this is who I am married to.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

This is what we do but it takes a LOT of self-control on the part of the man. For two days I tease my wife. I touch her, kiss her, caress her but always in a non-sexual way. At night I act as if I'm going to make love to her, I kiss her everywhere but not in the places that I know to be her erogenous zones. When she starts to react I tell her good night and I love her. By the second, and never later than the third day she is almost ready to rape me.

Incidentally, I got her to this point last night in preparation for a date night tonight. She couldn't wait for tonight.  But it was a good opportunity to tell her, that feeling you're feeling right now, that's how *I* feel almost all the time. I ALWAYS want my wife. So when she's feeling horny I point it out to her. It's really helped her understand me.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> We have done it in the shower and in our garden tub and a few other different places, but my wife has already confessed to me that a lot of the things we did in the beginning were just to please ME and is not something she enjoys any longer. I have found in this life that there are _spicy_ lovers, and then there are the _vanilla_ ones that no matter what spices you try and throw in the mix that they will always want to get back to being......plain. Unfortuneatly I am having to accept this is who I am married to.


My wife was vanilla too. We began talking, before, during, and after sex about... sex. What it is that really turns her on. What doesn't turn her on. I had to be patient and really dig in her mind to find out what rocks her world. It wasn't what I thought it would be. Maybe you could delve into your wife's mind and find out what secretly turns her on. She's most likely embarrassed about it so it will take time and patience and maybe understanding on your part.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

CP, I really am rooting for you here, I wish I knew the magical piece of advice. You definitely need to try other things. If she has simply lost attraction for you, it is crucial that you work on the "manning up" theme common on this site - sometimes its because men are too "alpha" and selfish sometimes, and many cliches in the media support the notion of the selfish unromantic stubborn H that needs to do more for the sensitive sweet loving W. You may think that is the model that applies to you, but the fact that you please your W every chance you get, that you even care about your W's pleasure as much or more than your own and are on this site trying to find help proves that you are not the alpha type.

I honestly believe your solution is to be a little less nice. Be kind and compassionate, but get your W off the pedestal and stop caregiving for her, in passionate sex it is not one person pleasing the other, its their own mind pleasing themself. So when I say let your W earn her pleasure I really mean it, make her come to you a little, start doing more things on your own, masculine things like building stuff, hitting stuff, working up a sweat, playing a sport you are good at (against players you can beat) hang out with male friends more and make sure when you give time to your W you are giving her your full attention - these are the things that can restore her attraction to you.


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## Rick3 (Mar 31, 2012)

I totally get where you are coming from. Sounds similar to what has occurred between my wife and myself. To me when we rarely do have sex it is very boring. I've really gotten to the point that I don't want to bother. When masturbation is actually more pleasant and frees you to fantasize about whatever you like as opposed to the same old, same old it is easy to fall in to. My wife always expects me to initiate and I just got tired of it always being the same way and we are stuck in this pattern now. It's been 2-3 months since we've had sex now and it really rarely even comes up.


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## Mr B (Feb 6, 2009)

This is all very simple. It is marriage itself with makes sex "stale and uninteresting.

If you want great sex again find a new sexual partner.


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## waiwera (Sep 8, 2009)

Mr B said:


> This is all very simple. It is marriage itself with makes sex "stale and uninteresting.
> 
> If you want great sex again find a new sexual partner.


And you would just keep doing that all your life? Just move on to the next partner?:scratchhead:

No working on the relationship? No trying to bring back the fun?
Wow


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Rick3 said:


> I totally get where you are coming from. Sounds similar to what has occurred between my wife and myself. To me when we rarely do have sex it is very boring. I've really gotten to the point that I don't want to bother. When masturbation is actually more pleasant and frees you to fantasize about whatever you like as opposed to the same old, same old it is easy to fall in to. My wife always expects me to initiate and I just got tired of it always being the same way and we are stuck in this pattern now. It's been 2-3 months since we've had sex now and it really rarely even comes up.


This is exactly what has been going on the past few years in my house, and it's to the point where I'd just rather watch a clip of some hot babe online and then spank it.

And to make the picture a little more clearer concerning my wife; she is a book worm who's kind of nerdy and has never made anything lower than a "B" in her entire life, and her family has told me that she's always been kind of uptight and career oriented since high school. But she is pretty and has a sarcastic sense of humor which is what attracted me to her.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> This is exactly what has been going on the past few years in my house, and it's to the point where I'd just rather watch a clip of some hot babe online and then spank it.


Well to each their own I suppose. For me, nothing could substitute the real thing. I'll take my wife over pixels any day.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> Well to each their own I suppose. For me, nothing could substitute the real thing. I'll take my wife over pixels any day.


Well when you have a wife who's not really into "quickies" and has said so a few times, then you just do what you gotta do if that's all that you're in the mood for.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

Havesomethingtosay said:


> Do you have an unrealistic view of what sex should be? Reading TAM I think too many here really do have a view of this wild, uninhibited, penthouse forum, hours upon hours, orgasm after orgasm anything goes sex.....
> 
> Geez the poll below where everyone lasts 20+ minute (vs. the measured avg of 3-7 minutes) tells me that either everyone on TAM are freaks or that exaggeration is the norm around here.
> 
> ...



I vote for everyone on TAM is a freak. 

Seriously, Cee, Browncoat is right. Gotta connect outside the bedroom or you won't connect inside it.

Stress sounds like it's a factor. Maybe try to dump any unnecessaries from your schedules so you can concentrate on each other.

Alcohol is not a bad idea. It loosens inhibitions in most people. She might discover she likes those screaming o's more than she realizes.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> I vote for everyone on TAM is a freak.
> 
> Seriously, Cee, Browncoat is right. Gotta connect outside the bedroom or you won't connect inside it.
> 
> ...


Been there.......done that.......and I am a recovering addict(10 years clean)so I no longer drink and she's basically a tee totaler.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> Been there.......done that.......and I am a recovering addict(10 years clean)so I no longer drink and she's basically a tee totaler.



Then alcohol is no good. hmmm...has she ever opened up to you about her fantasies?

Most everyone has one or two things that make them hot.


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## Nsweet (Mar 3, 2012)

I think it's great you caught this problem before she got too bored and started "looking" to get that excitement else where. But.... I have to tell you you're too much of a nice guy. It's great to be care taking and make sure her needs are met in the bedroom but always getting her permission and seducing her on her terms is BORING to women. Sometimes you have to be a little adventurous and take her by surprise.

I married a conservative good girl and worked anywhere from 72-90hrs a week in the Navy. Yeah, it sucked and I was always stressed but I found ways to spice up our suffering sex life without an open marriage or way too kinky sex acts.

I would reccomend you start working out immediately after work and lifting weights for at least 30min, 45-60min wold be better, but you could do 30 on very little sleep and still make progress and relieve stress. This will help you naturally increase testosterone and feel more manly, as well as sex gets better when you are a little stronger. 

When you get home and see her don't think twice about being romantic just kiss her lips like you haven't seen her in years. If you could even pull her hair a little and kiss her neck but stop before she says "No more" and then go in the kitchen and start doing her chores. Wash dishes or start cooking dinner a few nights a week, really anything you can do to lighten her load will help you out. And this is a great way to get your frustrations out scrubbing and cleaning, folding laundry, or cooking. 

Some days you're just going to be too tired for sex which is understandable, but at least make an effort to hold her and kiss her for a few seconds a night. Just holding your loved one close for 30 seconds is enough to release high doses of oxytocin which helps you both feel closer. I always found kissing to be a great way to show you still find her attractive but you've got to keep the first on ten seconds or less. You want to show her you love her without pressuring her for sex with every kiss. Also don't feel her up or grope her, not too many wome get turned on by this and even your wife will feel cheap.

You might also want to try a "lady's night" where you give her an NSA massage and if things turn sexual only give her cunnilingus with no requests for any returns.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Then alcohol is no good. hmmm...has she ever opened up to you about her fantasies?
> 
> Most everyone has one or two things that make them hot.


After 7+ years together we have pretty much talked about and shared just about everything and anything you could imagine with each other.


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## Rick3 (Mar 31, 2012)

Cee Paul said:


> This is exactly what has been going on the past few years in my house, and it's to the point where I'd just rather watch a clip of some hot babe online and then spank it.
> 
> And to make the picture a little more clearer concerning my wife; she is a book worm who's kind of nerdy and has never made anything lower than a "B" in her entire life, and her family has told me that she's always been kind of uptight and career oriented since high school. But she is pretty and has a sarcastic sense of humor which is what attracted me to her.


Our situations are quite similar. My wife is also kind of the intellectual type, has a PhD. She was a late bloomer and I was only the 2nd guy she had ever been with. She opened up a lot initially. She posed for pictures for me, we tried new things, even did anal. All of that has stopped though and now it's just she wants a massage and then me to be on top and that's pretty much it. Honestly it does nothing for me and I'd rather just masturbate and feel free to imagine fun things. I try periodically to talk with her about it but we talk and say it will get better and it just never does.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Just about everything is not everything. Find out what it is you've missed.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Cee Paul said:


> After 7+ years together we have pretty much talked about and shared just about everything and anything you could imagine with each other.


And those fantasies no longer do anything for her? Any new fantasies? After 7+ years together (with my now ex W) we talked about everything anyone else could imagine too, but we barely broached taboo subjects - we even had a very good sexual relationship at the start of it all. Neither of us had a clue that the other wanted all kinds of seriously kinky things from the other, until after she decided to seek it elsewhere, when I found out some of the details I felt so much regret for everything I kept to myself - things I felt sort of ashamed for thinking, then learning that is what she was craving and sought with other men.

If she really has told you all her fantasies you should not be here wondering what to do. If she truly has no sex drive she should see a doctor and have her hormones checked. Or else its just that she has lost attraction for YOU, in which case there is a lot of advice on the men's forum for how to work at restoring that attraction.


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## LadyFrog (Feb 27, 2012)

Lon's first two questions were my next two, exactly.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Just 7 years and you are already bored? It seems a short period of time. 

You admit that you have as much to do with the staleness as she does. But my impression is that you really think it is all her. 

I'll ask - what your liabilities? You mentioned only one, lack of time. That's it? By your accounting, you are not equally at fault, she has a long list of liabilities. Is that how you see things? Is she as bored as you? 

I see this a little differently. Bored people are usually boring themselves. Could you be the one not inspiring passion in your wife? 

You mentioned a few things that, if changed, might help. First porn. Its possible that porn decreases your satisfaction and increases your expectations with a live woman. 

Perhaps putting a moratorium on porn for a few months and concentrate on your wife to see if that helps. 

Many women like variety in a sexual partner. That's one of the reasons women have affairs. Even women who don't have exciting sex with their husband will have wild sex with a new lover. 

Are their any changes you can make that will make you a little different so that she notices? There were some suggestions in previous post. 

I would not make sex all about you as suggested above. That will likely backfire. Why would she have sex if she does not enjoy it? 

Setting the mood - you don't care for the candles. Thats not the only way to warm her up. Tell her that you would like to try different ways to relax her and warm her up. 

Make it a fun trail and error. She is the type who needs a warm up. That means she has to start thinking about sex earlier on. She does not sound very imaginative so you have to supply the inventiveness. 

Try different ways to do that warm up in the course of the evening. By the time you get ready to make love she may be ready. 

I would also suggest reading books on sexual technique and female sexuality. You may get some new ideas there. 

This may sound like I am blaming you. You are the one with the problems so you get the job of solving them.


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