# Considering divorce/separation Husband resentful of newborn



## monchy73 (Nov 18, 2010)

Hoping someone will have advice. My best friend is having marital difficulty. She is 36, her hubby is 44. She had a miscarriage 3 yrs ago. She has always wanted to be a mother and recently they were successful...had a baby boy that's now 3 months old. They have been married for 12 yrs. She has always been submissive and does whatever he wants or says. Here are some details: He often takes solo short vacations where he supposedly meets up with friends. While 8 months pregnant her hubby went away again on vacation with a friend for 3 1/2 weeks. She was left alone at home. She forgave him. 3 wks after his return she went into premature labor. He refused to take a sick day and take her to the emergency room. He claimed that no one else would be able to cover his shift. He is in law enforcement. So I took her to the hospital. The doctors could not stop her labor so later that evening she needed to deliver the baby. She called him and told him this. He did not show up for 3 more hours, he waited until his shift was done...went home to change...then came to delivery room. Luckily the baby was born one hour later so he did not miss the birth. But she went through the entire labor basically alone..only me there holding her hand while in so much pain. Since the baby has been at home he has not been helping with baby's care. He occasionally will feed or change a diaper. He does not wake at night to help with nightly feedings. Recently they had a huge argument. He told her that he never wanted this baby, she forced this onto him. He is 44 yrs old and he does not want to disrupt his lifestyle to accommodate this child. He told her that the baby was her responsibility and when ever she needs to run errands she needs to take the baby along or drop him at the sitter because he will not disrupt his day or sleep in order to watch the child. He also told her that she needs to cook, clean, and take care of the household just as his mom did. My friend works full time and is in graduate school so she needs his help but he has made it clear that he does not want his lifestyle to change. She is depressed and cries. I don't know what to tell her.. I don't know what to do. He is emotionally abusive and I want her to throw him out! But these things I do not say. Need advice for her Please help!!!


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

I'm so glad she has you there to help her. Wow, you helped her through labor, so glad she didn't have to do that alone. What a jerk to not call in and say my wife's in labor, can't make my shift. Of course they would of let him take off.

I'd say to a husband like that, ok, I'm quitting my job, postponing school and then I can handle being a full time mom.  See how that goes over. Lol

Seriously though, I hate to ask but can you help her through these next few months, take the baby for short times to give her a break?

I can see him being a butt now while the baby is so tiny but I have a feeling that little tyke is going to melt his stony heart in a few months. Who can resist those first smiles??? I just have a feeling he is going to eventually fall in love with his little boy.


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## monchy73 (Nov 18, 2010)

thanks for your input. How does she get past the fact that he says that he never wanted a child..it was done just to please her? I think she is going to move out eventually.


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## Quantumfilament (Oct 30, 2010)

It did not stop him wanting unprotected sex though did it?

This is a difficult one, I think she has basically married a complete twat, selfish in the extreme and she should have had some idea what he would have been like once the baby was born after 12 years together. If he has recently changed then it could be just the shock of being thrust into fatherhood relatively late in life. I am a father to three kids and I have to admit the baby thing doesn't do that much for me, I mean I loved all my kids and certainly helped out with feeding and changing, as they got older I bonded better with them and now couldn't imagine being without them. But his behaviour is inexcusable, I think she needs to lay down some sort of ultimatum, he really needs a kick in the butt and to wake up to reality. Fortunately she has you as a good friend to support her but ultimately it will not be enough, either he changes or they will split, and pretty soon I would guess.


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## Applepies (Nov 14, 2010)

monchy73 said:


> thanks for your input. How does she get past the fact that he says that he never wanted a child..it was done just to please her? I think she is going to move out eventually.


I think he going to regret saying those words to her.

I'd be really hurt to hear something like that. I'd say I'm sorry you feel that way but the baby is here and needs both his parents. He is 50% you and always will be.


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## HM3 (Aug 18, 2010)

You mentioned he is emotionally abusive - in that case he either he does something constructive for his behaviour or your friend should leave him. Abusive people tend not to change. When there is resentment, it will start to build if it's not nipped in the bud. What's going to happen to this child growing up - pysically and mentally?


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