# Feeling Lost in my Marriage



## Psmooth (Apr 24, 2012)

I have been with my wife off and on for 17+ years but we have been married for 8 years and we have had some good time and bad times, let me start by saying that I'm a good person and a good Man. I have a lot going on in my life and most of it is good except my marriage? It is not good, I'm not sure were to start, but I will start about 5+ years ago I started feeling a little lonely,Now this would happen even when she would be in the room, we could be sitting together watching a moving or talking and she would fall asleep in between talking and watching a movie or show on TV. At first I was OK with it, but over the years it just kept happening and I didn't know what to do, I knew that she had an illness but didn't know to what extent, She thought it was a Kidney problem, but later we found out it was much more serous than I or her though and it will effect her for the rest of her life, and I would be cool with that if we could get past some of the other things that are happening in are marriage.


Now when we first go together It was just to be friends and to go out ever now and then, my wife had just gotten out of a marriage and had a New Born baby girl (Sierra) and she was so beautiful I feel in love with her the (baby that is ) I'm so sorry for all of the rambling but there is a meaning to this part of my story, when i was a baby I never knew my father and never meet him, now the man that raised me turned out to a great dad, but I never meet my father, and my wife inform me that sierra would never meet her father, so in some ways I felt that I needed to take care of sierra just like my dad took care of me when I didn't have a father to lean on, So I though that I would be returning the favor. I even spoke to God about this and he said he was cool with it.

So after a on and off relationship with my wife i decided make the full commitment to my wife and her new baby(my sierra). And we got married and the first couple of years of the marriage was good, now I know that we didn't have a lot in common but I thought that would find a common ground to stand on, I knew that I love my wife and my kid, so we got married, but has the time has past, we have grown apart in many ways, But back to me been lost, over the last couple of years we have had very little sex and when we do it is not very passionate at all. Now we have found out why there is no Passion when we have sex, it is because of her Illness which is a rare condition that cause her to not have the want or need to have sex as much, and I did know what to do about that, so I cheated on with some women online, now I never had sex with them but I did chat and text a couple of Women and she found out about it, and now things are worse off than before. I know what I did was wrong and the person that I'm will carry that with me for the rest of life. When you are not that type of person and you do something like that it is hard to deal with.

It has been almost 2 years sense that has happen, and there still no sex and are communication is not were we needed to be, we have been to counseling and it didn't help, I have tried everything that I can to turn my marriage around but I feel like no matter what I do I will never be able to fix what I have broken and for that I'm So Sorry, but i have tried everything I can to turn this around, I have tried planning trips to going on a date and the passion is not there. and because of what I did, I'm have been reminded about it every time I turn around. I feel like I'm lost and not sure what to do, I'm not a quitter but at what point do you say uncle? I try having sex we my wife but there is NO PASSION at all and I know part of it is because of illness but part of is I don't think that she will every be able to trust me again. I know that trust is a BIG Part of marriage and without it you have nothing. 

On one hand i would like to try and fix this, but on the other hand every time I think we are turning the corner I'm been reminded about that, and if I get on a computer or my Ipad I have to tell her every thing that I'm doing on the computer which I don't have a problem with, A number of time she has said that she thinks that I would be better off single. Now I did not say this she said these things to me. Not sure if it is a test on is she telling me what she things I want to hear just not sure. I'm Lost and could use a little help.


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## SabrinaBlue (Apr 18, 2012)

Psmooth, you kicked this whole post off by announcing that you are "a good person and a good man." In my experience, anyone who says that is looking to be forgiven for something, or in denial about character flaws. In your case it seems to be both.

You chose to start a relationship with a woman who was recently divorced and had a newborn. You say outright that part of your motivation was to be a father to her child, because you didn't know your own birth father. Why did you feel it necessary to actually _marry_ this woman in order to be a strong man in Sierra's life? You don't make it sound like you loved your _wife_, so much as you loved your adopted daughter. You even name the child, without naming your wife. That's deeply concerning.

Secondly, even though you know your wife has a medical condition that is causing low arousal levels for her, you're using it to justify your on-line affairs. You say that you don't mind that she checks your Internet usage, but your tone says differently. You _do_ mind that she doesn't trust you now, and it doesn't seem like you're entirely understanding of why she doesn't.

You said you've tried counseling. You said that your wife told you she thinks you might be better off single. I hate to say it, but the writing on the wall seems pretty clear here.


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