# Ladies I really need your help???



## firstkid7 (Dec 11, 2010)

Please Help Me I am Desperate!!!!
My wife and I have been married for just over two years. Looking back on things I can honestly say that the issue I have today is the same I had before we got married. I never seem to make my wife happy with anything. I have always been very optimistic about life but my wife just see the glass half full. Two years into our marriage she told me that she wanted a divorce. I told her I love her and we started going to counseling. We have been going for about three months or so and my wife now says I am the perfect husband and that I am great but she just hates her life and cannot forgive me for things that were done the first two years. I never cheated on her or anything like that but her view of our first two years of marriage is that it has been awe ful but I do not see it like that. I have apologized like crazy and made major improvements which she has noticed but to no avail. The crazy thing is that about two months after marriage she stopped wanting to have sex. In fact we have only had sex 5 times in 26 months.

She has done other things for me but she will not be intimate with me what so ever. I constantly am trying to be nice and encourage her but the weird thing is that the nicer I am to her to more hateful she is to me and the meaner I am to her then the nicer she is to me. This is really messed up. Why can I not be loving to my wife and get a good response. I think that things are going better as she tells me how awesome I am and like clock work almost every other weekend she says that she just can not stay in the marriage and that there is no way she can make me happy. I tell her I am happy with her I just want her to be happy. The last few weeks she has been taking off for the weekend and going out of town or different places. She says that she needs space to think. The crazy thing is that I have been amazingly nice to her in fact she says I am to good to her. I was in ministry for years and always desired to have someone that loved my faith. Now she tells me that she can not be herself around me and that she wants to study other religions.

My life is breaking apart and I do not know how to make her happy. Before we got married when we went through marriage counseling she admitted that she had problems with her hormones. The marriage counselor said that he had a mother in law with those problems and that some one with those problems could be a bear to live with. The counselor then asked my wife if she would be willing to get help for those issues and she eagerly said yes. It has been 26 months and I can not even get her to go to the doctor. Honestly it seems like for every few days that I am nice then she goes into this crazy depressive state and all she can think about is how bad her life is. She does not have any friends to speak of and actually come to think of she does not have one childhood friend that she keeps up with.

Many times when we get into a social situation she get really moody and all she can do is complain about the people she is around and point out all their faults. This is even true when we go to church she gives me a hour lecture on how bad things are in the church or the pastor. He preaches to loud. He is not sincere and so on.... Why cant people be happy. Once again we had a great week. We had no sex but their was some intimacy. In fact I notice at night about 4 or 5 in the morning she will cuddle with me when she thinks I am asleep but if I am awake she is very non affectionate.

Just yesterday we held each other had a nice bath and she met some of my needs but there was still no sex and when I try to do something that will please here she turns me off. Will someone please help me. I have spent thousands on counseling, made lots of changes, and want to be with my wife for ever. How can I make her happy? Please Help!!!!!!!!!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

firstkid7 said:


> Why cant people be happy.


The irony of your post is that you're constantly wondering why _she_ cant be happy, yet you are miserable. So to answer you're own question, why aren't you happy? maybe you should fix yourself first instead of constantly trying to change her.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Read this post: http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/14963-boundaries-men.html

It'll help you a lot.


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## firstkid7 (Dec 11, 2010)

I really appreciate your post. I am not miserable but sad because the women I love the most in this world is so unhappy. I have spent thousands in counseling and even the counselor has told me that I can not make her happy. My unhappiness comes from not being able to help her see her self worth, her value and the love I have for her in my heart....


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## firstkid7 (Dec 11, 2010)

Thank you for your post.... One of my greatest fears is that she is going to cheat on me and find someone else. She seems to have a pattern of broken relationships. Since she was a teenager her typical pattern has been to be with someone for a few years and then she finds someone else before she leaves the other person. I am really scared that is what she is doing with me. She is trying to emotionally distant herself so that she can find someone else and have him waiting for her and transition into the next relationship.... I sure do feel insecure... I hate my thoughts and thinking she could be out with someone else and he is getting the affection that should be mine....Not knowing what she is doing is killing me....


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## firstkid7 (Dec 11, 2010)

When we talked with a pastor about whether or not my wife had been sexually abused my wife reply was that she just could not remember her childhood. The pastor that we saw at the time did not really push the issue. My wife said she could not remember anything about it and I guess he did not know what to do. My wife is still going to a professional counselor and they meet every week and they have been talking allot about her childhood and so forth but I do not know the details as I am not given that info. I do know her parents are extremely controlling, suffocating people. They have called themselves failures and have told both my wife and her brother that they wished they never had kids. Her brother is 37 and still lives at home, has never had a girlfriend. My wife family does nothing. Her dad was a insurance agent in the small town were she is from for 42 years. They have no friends, they take no trips, all they do is sit at home and watch fox news and ring their hands with fear of what the world is coming to. Actually I have never been around a family like this. My wife mother believes the women is the head of the house and she has told me how proud she is that her daughter has never met a man she could not dominate..... So Depressing... I know that her family has never liked me because of my life as a minister. They think that all ministers are con people who just try to get into your pockets. My wife parents still send her lunch money even though we have been married for over two years and are financially fine... This was a problem before we got married. I was concerned of her parents influence over her. The marriage counselor said that things would be better once we got married as she was learning how to pull away from them. 26 months and the major issues I am dealing with now in the family are the ones that I had before we got married....So So depressing!!!!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

firstkid7 said:


> She is trying to emotionally distant herself so that she can find someone else and have him waiting for her and transition into the next relationship.... I sure do feel insecure... I hate my thoughts and thinking she could be out with someone else and he is getting the affection that should be mine....Not knowing what she is doing is killing me....


that would kill me too. withdrawal of love is one of the hardest things to endure. i felt my H withdrawal from me and i went nuts trying to make him love me. i tried to cling on to him for dear life. 

It is painful. but you'll be OK. by trying to make her stay with you you're not really fostering love in the relationship, you're really nurturing your fear. The saying that there's nothing to fear but fear itself is really true. The more you try and escape your fear the stronger it grows and the more afraid of it you become. You're actually fueling its fire.


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