# Spouse wants me to "Dumb down" my vocabulary



## TheGr8Sleeper (Mar 26, 2017)

Today, my spouse asked me how far the bed was from a wall. I measured with my hand and said "About 4 finger breadths". My spouse became angry and accused me of using "big fancy words" to make them feel less intelligent. I have an advanced degree, my spouse has a bachelor's degree. They are NOT dumb or uneducated by any means. This is not the first time they have asked this of me, but honestly, I'm just speaking with the words that come to mind in the moment. I could have said "About 4 fingers wide", but that would have required me formulating a thought, and then assessing the "complexity" of the vocabulary and then "dumbing it down". My counter argument is that there is no shame in "explaining up" rather than "dumbing down", and they should not be asking me to change my vocabulary to "sound more normal" as they put it. 

thoughts?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

My thoughts... it has nothing to do with your "big, fancy words."

How are things in general?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with Satya.

How long have the two of you been married and together?

When did she start complaining about your word usage?


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

Use standard units of measure. 

Honey the bed's about 6" from the wall. Would you like to move it to a different place?

If you live anywhere else besides the USA substitute millimeters or meters in the above equation.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Your ignorance is personified by the exuberance of your verbosity.


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## rzmpf (Mar 11, 2016)

TheGr8Sleeper said:


> Today, my spouse asked me how far the bed was from a wall. I measured with my hand and said "About 4 finger breadths". My spouse became angry and accused me of using "big fancy words" to make them feel less intelligent. I have an advanced degree, my spouse has a bachelor's degree. They are NOT dumb or uneducated by any means. This is not the first time they have asked this of me, but honestly, I'm just speaking with the words that come to mind in the moment. I could have said "About 4 fingers wide", but that would have required me formulating a thought, and then assessing the "complexity" of the vocabulary and then "dumbing it down". My counter argument is that there is no shame in "explaining up" rather than "dumbing down", and they should not be asking me to change my vocabulary to "sound more normal" as they put it.
> 
> thoughts?


Maybe they feel like I do when I read people describing their spouse as "they". It may be correct but sounds pretty impersonal, aloof and even kind of arrogant and if you invoke the same emotions with your style of speaking as you do with your style of writing then I can understand the problem other people could have with it. 

My guess would be that it's not your vocabulary, it's your attitude.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

rzmpf said:


> Maybe they feel like I do when I read people describing their spouse as "they". It may be correct but sounds pretty impersonal, aloof and even kind of arrogant and if you invoke the same emotions with your style of speaking as you do with your style of writing then I can understand the problem other people could have with it.
> 
> My guess would be that it's not your vocabulary, it's your attitude.




I caught that too. I also just read Associated Press' new guidelines on describing sex and gender. "They" is becoming acceptable. Especially for transgender.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Finger widths are not a useful measure, really. Nothing wrong with expressing things that way, but really not informative. Your spouse IS out of line, IMO, to make a big issue of this. He would do better to appreciate your quirkiness, than criticize it. But, attitude matters, and I don't know if that is his real issue here.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I do not think it is a problem in their marriage. This same thing exists in my marriage and it is a wonderful marriage spanning more than 44 years. It is simply a communication problem which can affect your sex and personal life but is not symptomatic of a troubled marriage.

When I started working, I was asked to use simpler words because the employees were not understanding what I was saying and many stopped reading after the first few sentences. I got a program that I could set for whatever school grade level I wanted to and it would change my words for me. 10th grade level seemed to include all employees.

Good communication is making sure that your audience understands what you are saying. You are using unnecessary fancy words for reasons only known to you. I can ask my wife to pass me the spherical orange sphere in the refrigerator or simply pass me the orange. That is not dumbing it down. That is using plain language when plain language will suffice. Sometimes using "fancy" words is just showing off. I have very high IQ, gave speeches and seminars for a living in a former life and I do not act like an intellectual just because I can. I was lucky in that my parents never let me skip grades or once mentioned IQ. They did get me into a class for gifted children in a private high school on a scholarship, but I really did not even know what IQ meant when I was 13. I grew up normal due to my parents and being in school with others like me which did not make me feel like I was special. In fact, I was a jock who joined the Army to experience combat. I always viewed myself as an alpha jock. I made the all star teams in football and baseball and have trophies in Volleyball, basketball and bowling. I did well in sports due to my ability to learn to play every position on the team and memorize every position in football. I also got good grades, but that was easy to do, not like sports.

I am in a business where few people have a college degree. I deal with warehouse and truck driving staff. I have been told since my Army days that I have a gift of fitting into whatever situation and group of people I am in. I can curse and trash talk with the best of them. I can fight if that is what it takes. My face is scared from my fights, football and combat. I was never a geek. Yet, I am in a geek profession; IT. I did not start in IT but I made sure that I ended there. I like to be down to earth when I deal with people and can up my game when I am sitting down to talk to the Chairman of a fortune 500 company. I have written many technical magazine articles and co-authored a reference book which was popular because I have a knack for explaining things in plain language that most peope can understand. 

To me, being understood by a lot of people trumps showing off my vocabulary. I grew up a son of parents who spoke broken English and my vocabulary was terrible when I entered the business world. I had a Brooklyn accent and all through school and life I have had to look up words. However, I learned to speak on the same level as my audience no matter if I was giving a speech to a group of businessmen or highly technical people. That is good communication. 

My wife used to tell me that our friends did not like sitting next to me because I spoke on a level above them. They also could tell by the way I spoke and what I said, that I was intelligent. Add what my wife calls my forceful alpha male personality and physical size, and that adds up to not having a lot of social friends. So I became careful of how I spoke and what I said. I stopped questioning things people said that I knew were wrong and instead did what everyone else did and nod my head in acceptance. I still relapse at times but the problem is us, not them.

I am not reading into your post what others do about it not being about the way you speak and instead a marital issue. I know how your wife feels. Often I do not communicate well with my wife who went to a trade high school instead of academic. It is my problem, not hers and has nothing to do with our marriage of 44 years which has quite frankly has been great. I could have said inestimable, but I did not. 

I do not think your wife is being unreasonable or pedantic. She just feels like you are coming across as didactic/pretentious. As someone in the international transportation business, I have to blend in and I have learned that it is not dumbing down my language, but rather effective communicating. It does not bother me because I was raised in government assisted housing and never met any kid with a dad with a college education until I was 13. I learned english on the mean streets of the lower east side of Manhattan and not in some prep school. I am comfortable in any environment. Just as I speak Italian in Italy, Spanish in Mexico and French in France, I view language as speaking the tongue of the people I am with. I even speak, or used to speak, latin but never actually did so out of the classroom as that would seem too pretentious to me.

Your wife is right. Finger widths would be a better choice of words to use even though that is not a very good way to measure something since it is subjective to the width of your fingers. I would have told you to give me the information in inches, not the breadth of your particular fingers. That is not only an unnecessary way of describing it but also not a very accurate way either. 

P.S. - I know that I tend to be rambling and verbose, but that is the writer in me.  Also, my wife does not say anything anymore and that results in her not understanding what I am asking or saying. That is not a good thing.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

TheGr8Sleeper said:


> Today, my spouse asked me how far the bed was from a wall. I measured with my hand and said "About 4 finger breadths". My spouse became angry and accused me of using "big fancy words" to make them feel less intelligent. I have an advanced degree, my spouse has a bachelor's degree. They are NOT dumb or uneducated by any means. This is not the first time they have asked this of me, but honestly, I'm just speaking with the words that come to mind in the moment. I could have said "About 4 fingers wide", but that would have required me formulating a thought, and then assessing the "complexity" of the vocabulary and then "dumbing it down". My counter argument is that there is no shame in "explaining up" rather than "dumbing down", and they should not be asking me to change my vocabulary to "sound more normal" as they put it.
> 
> thoughts?



Do you have other examples than this one? I'm curious because if I asked for a measurement or distance, I'd be expecting a number in response ("3 inches","6 centimeters", etc.). I don't want to have to think about how wide a finger is and then do the math, or else I'd just measure it myself. If this is always how you answer similar questions, I can understand your spouse's frustration... 

Also, I'm curious as to why you refer to your spouse as "they". Are you specifically trying to take gender out of the equation?


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

TheGr8Sleeper said:


> Today, my spouse asked me how far the bed was from a wall. I measured with my hand and said "About 4 finger breadths". My spouse became angry and accused me of using "big fancy words" to make them feel less intelligent. I have an advanced degree, my spouse has a bachelor's degree. They are NOT dumb or uneducated by any means. This is not the first time they have asked this of me, but honestly, I'm just speaking with the words that come to mind in the moment. I could have said "About 4 fingers wide", but that would have required me formulating a thought, and then assessing the "complexity" of the vocabulary and then "dumbing it down". My counter argument is that there is no shame in "explaining up" rather than "dumbing down", and they should not be asking me to change my vocabulary to "sound more normal" as they put it.
> 
> 
> 
> thoughts?




You were being a smart ass. You know there is no standard finger size, and that finger size varies between spouses, so you really gave a useless measure - on purpose. 

If your boss had asked a measurement question you would not have replied in finger breadth. 

So, do you always antagonize like this? Even if it is the first thing that comes to mine, effective and polite communication requires you to think before you reply.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'm sorry, but I didn't exactly spend six years in college and in grad school to speak or present ideas much like an uneducated or quasi-educated dunderhead!

I say "To hell with her feelings of academic inadequacy!" You were obviously that way when she met you, dated you, and accepted you ~ she should have known the territory and came to fastidiously embrace it!

*


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Are you a man or a woman?

I think if your spouse is crabbing at you just because you used the term finger breadths, either you are habitually a pompous jerk, OR your spouse has some insecurity issues they are taking out on you that they need to work out for themselves.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

So a non gender specific person or persons with a bachelors degree can't understand the word breadth? A few things come quickly to mind. (not mine even if it was my personal mind)
One - Must be a bachelor of liberal arts with a weak focus on language.
Two - try to use terms they are familiar with ie. joint, dime bag, or bong.
Three - it must be spring break - Friday fun has lasted til Sunday.

To be honest being in the construction trade I automatically jump to standard measurements. I'm not dressed for work without a tape measure. I also estimate quite accurately. It is nice to see that others outside the trade believe in this kind of precision.
MN


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Ha ha. She should be married to me. I seamlessly switch from supremely educated to Kentucky hillbilly to my roots, Benny Hill...


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

blueinbr said:


> You were being a smart ass. You know there is no standard finger size, and that finger size varies between spouses, so you really gave a useless measure - on purpose.


Then of course there's this.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

john117 said:


> Ha ha. She should be married to me. I seamlessly switch from supremely educated to Kentucky hillbilly to my roots, Benny Hill...




How educated? I seemed to have missed that adjective. 

OP, unless that advanced degree is in English or linguistics, it doesn't matter.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Anytime "you" think you need to dumb it down..... the superiority is not attractive. 


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

I have definitely dumbed down my vocabulary - in one amusing TAM exchange I referred to my IQ (which was the topic BTW) and then was corrected on my grammar. I mentioned that the wording was on purpose to help with communicating (as is this awkward grammatical structure) but I don't think the poster believed me.

I naturally use "silver dollar words" but try to restructure and simplify to facilitate discussion 


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Tomara said:


> Anytime "you" think you need to dumb it down..... the superiority is not attractive.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Do it seamlessly so they can't tell


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## oneMOreguy (Aug 22, 2012)

*Re: Spouse wants me to &amp;quot;Dumb down&amp;quot; my vocabulary*

My two engineering degrees seem to cause me to over explain things. My desire to communicate clearly causes me to use words and expressions that others find useful and meaningful. Save the fancy language for your thesis. As far as finger widths, that is plain silly.

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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I doubt the wife's anger has anything to do with the husbands academic credentials or his actual intelligence, I'm guessing she is tired of dealing with his self promoting aloofness, if he speaks like that all the time I would find him a bore. 

Under what advanced educational program did he learn the correct terminology to use for that measurement is "breadth"? Maybe a carpentry class from the 1700's. Or maybe he came across an old Readers Digest magazine while at the doctors office and the word of the day was breadth so he had to find a use for it.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Cooper said:


> Maybe a carpentry class from the 1700's...


:lol:


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

I think the problem here lies with your spouse's insecurities about his intellect more than anything else. 

Everybody is entitled to use the level of vocabulary they see fit. Same as you can wear what clothes you want or eat what you want, even if others have differing opinions. 

If you were doing it (or he thought you were doing it) deliberately to belittle him, then that's different, but if that is just how you talk, then he should have thought about that before he entered a relationship with you if it was going to be such a big issue!


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

ScottishGirl1998 said:


> I think the problem here lies with your spouse's insecurities about his intellect more than anything else.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




You made a gender assumption which i think is correct. 


OP, will you comment on the genders? That dynamic may be relevant to your situation.


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## ScottishGirl1998 (Dec 19, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> You made a gender assumption which i think is correct.
> 
> 
> OP, will you comment on the genders? That dynamic may be relevant to your situation.


I didn't even realise that the initial post didn't stipulate genders! Not sure why but I automatically assumed the OP was a woman. My apologies if I am incorrect.


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## stixx (Mar 20, 2017)

ScottishGirl1998 said:


> I didn't even realise that the initial post didn't stipulate genders! Not sure why but I automatically assumed the OP was a woman. My apologies if I am incorrect.


For the same reason we all assumed this (except for @blueinbr)

It's something a guy would say.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I don't think the language used was especially hard to understand. I could say that phrase to a bunch of ten year olds and they would surely understand what "4 finger breadths means".

Honestly, that could be something that came out of my mouth, I'm really bad at estimating inches, so my reporting how far away a bed was from a wall in finger breadths would be more accurate than my trying to judge how many inches the distance was.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

As to gender of the OP, I assumed that he was a man, and that the person who had an issue with his finger breadths was his wife. In this particular instance of communication, I don't think that your wife was out of line at all. Chances tare that your fingers are wider than hers anyways, so it's not an accurate method of measurement at all. And, to me, it's all about communicating to your given audience in a way that they will understand you, not about "dumbing down your words". My H does this often as his way of communicating, and I almost always have to ask what the hell he means. He is a highly educated man, and I have a technical certificate from a local technical college, so maybe this has something to do with it. But, he's even told me that he gets his vocabulary and things like his "moves", his "romantic notions" from turn of the century novels, and from British television. I'm not a Brit, and therefore don't understand a lot of their innuendos. Nor did I grow up in the turn of the century, so a lot of that doesn't make much sense in this day and age as well. However, I've been told that I deny him as a person when I ask him to communicate in a way that I will understand. So, been there, know what you and your wife are going through, and I don't think she's out of line. I think you were just trying to show off, knowing that she wouldn't understand you, and I think that just sucks as a way of communication!


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think smart people will figure out how to make others not feel stupid. 

In this case "finger breadth" isn't a good measure, but the spouse shouldn't have been upset either. Tempest in a teapot.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

I thought the OP was a female and the spouse was male, but I may be projecting a bit. About 6 or 7 years ago at Thanksgiving, I was talking, and my uncle interrupted me and said something along the same lines, complaining I used words which were too big and that made it hard for him and other people in my family to understand me. I have a masters degree in writing... so words are my THING. Until he said that, it had never occurred to me before... on my mother's side of the family, my sister and I were the first to graduate college. (On my father's side, the majority has an advanced degree.) I had never totally felt like I fit in with my mother's family, but that outburst on his part has really driven a wedge between myself and everyone else, because I feel even less welcome, and it's hard for me to engage because my life experiences are so far removed from theirs that it's hard for me to relate to anyone.

But I digress. 

My guess, is that if this is a married couple, this isn't really about the language itself (because the OP has probably been using the same type of language for a LONG time, so it's nothing new). The language issue is a stand-in for something else. As other people mentioned, if the OP is aloof or maintains an attitude of superiority, that may be damaging to the relationship in small increments.

I would like the OP to come back and address some of the questions posed by other TAMers to get a better sense of what's going on in the relationship.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

TheGr8Sleeper said:


> Today, my spouse asked me how far the bed was from a wall. I measured with my hand and said "About 4 finger breadths". My spouse became angry and accused me of using "big fancy words" to make them feel less intelligent. I have an advanced degree, my spouse has a bachelor's degree. They are NOT dumb or uneducated by any means. This is not the first time they have asked this of me, but honestly, I'm just speaking with the words that come to mind in the moment. I could have said "About 4 fingers wide", but that would have required me formulating a thought, and then assessing the "complexity" of the vocabulary and then "dumbing it down". My counter argument is that there is no shame in "explaining up" rather than "dumbing down", and they should not be asking me to change my vocabulary to "sound more normal" as they put it.
> 
> thoughts?


I agree with the majority here. I think this is more an issue of general aloofness and air of superiority than over this one thing.

On the other hand if I ask someone "how far" I'd expect a response that used a unit of actual measure and I'd accept metric or imperial. The only time you use hands and fingers as measurement is with horses.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> You were being a smart ass. You know there is no standard finger size, and that finger size varies between spouses, so you really gave a useless measure - on purpose.
> 
> If your boss had asked a measurement question you would not have replied in finger breadth.
> 
> So, do you always antagonize like this? Even if it is the first thing that comes to mine, effective and polite communication requires you to think before you reply.


That was my take as well... Not her vernacular but "that unit of measurement is completely useless". That would of annoyed me also if I were her husband. 

However this kind of explains it....



TheGr8Sleeper said:


> I could have said "About 4 fingers wide", but that would have required me formulating a thought


Maybe next time don't be so lazy, take the 15 seconds to take a measurement, formulate a coherent thought and provide your husband a USEFUL unit of measure?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

*Spouse wants me to &quot;Dumb down&quot; my vocabulary*

If you're American it's simply a stupid sounding way to talk. Breadth isn't in American vernacular (including self important pseudo-intellectual vernacular) at all to my knowledge.

If you're British then all bets are off as you Brits erase pencil marks with items we use for contraception, and insist on mispronouncing many words, even to the extreme of randomly adding letters and syllables to words like aluminum.



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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

*Re: Spouse wants me to &quot;Dumb down&quot; my vocabulary*



TheTruthHurts said:


> If you're American it's simply a stupid sounding way to talk. Breadth isn't in American vernacular (including self important pseudo-intellectual vernacular) at all to my knowledge.
> 
> If you're British then all bets are off as you Brits erase pencil marks with items we use for contraception, and insist on mispronouncing many words, even to the extreme of randomly adding letters and syllables to words like aluminum.
> 
> ...




Well, the Brits did after all invent the English language? I love how they pronounce lieutenant.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

*Re: Spouse wants me to &quot;Dumb down&quot; my vocabulary*



TheTruthHurts said:


> If you're American it's simply a stupid sounding way to talk. Breadth isn't in American vernacular (including self important pseudo-intellectual vernacular) at all to my knowledge.
> 
> If you're British then all bets are off as you Brits erase pencil marks with items we use for contraception, and insist on mispronouncing many words, even to the extreme of randomly adding letters and syllables to words like aluminum.





blueinbr said:


> Well, the Brits did after all invent the English language? I love how they pronounce lieutenant.


I've read some articles lately that purport that the way many Americans speak today is more similar to historical British English, and that the way Brits speak has changed drastically over the last 225+ yrs. What we think of as a British accent is really a modern invention.

The articles also addressed American accents in isolated areas (like Tangier's Island), stating that in these areas, the accent is MOST closely related to the British accent of 250-300 yrs ago because these communities were so isolated. I watched the videos, and I didn't really hear it, but I'm not a linguist/anthropologist, so what do I know? It was interesting to ponder, though.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I've never considered breadth to be an archaic, complex, or even British word. if the bed is 4 fingers from the wall, you can't practically put anything or anyone there. The only reason that I can see for wanting to know that distance is if you were tracking bed walking. Bed walking thread I'm much more interested in why the spouse in question wanted to know that distance.

I don't even blink at words that only have one syllable. I have no degree. If I run across a word I don't know I look it up. Doesn't make me feel less intelligent. I like words. Etymology fascinates me.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

TheGr8Sleeper said:


> Today, my spouse asked me how far the bed was from a wall. I measured with my hand and said "About 4 finger breadths". My spouse became angry and accused me of using "big fancy words" to make them feel less intelligent. I have an advanced degree, my spouse has a bachelor's degree. They are NOT dumb or uneducated by any means. This is not the first time they have asked this of me, but honestly, I'm just speaking with the words that come to mind in the moment. I could have said "About 4 fingers wide", but that would have required me formulating a thought, and then assessing the "complexity" of the vocabulary and then "dumbing it down". My counter argument is that there is no shame in "explaining up" rather than "dumbing down", and they should not be asking me to change my vocabulary to "sound more normal" as they put it.
> 
> thoughts?


I used to be you.

Despite what you think, your grammar is not collegiate. Fingers have width, not breadth. And one does not refer to a single individual as "they" or "them". Given that this is an issue between the two of you, yet your normal conversation is not rife with five dollar words, I kind of have a sneaking suspicion that some aspect of your communications comes across as you proving you're smarter. I speak as one who is still guilty of doing this, although I'm working on it.

Given that you have an advanced degree, and that this seems to be a discussion point that's come up between the two of you before, I'd say you owe it to your spouse to "assess the complexity" of your communications. You're being asked, you're capable, it might serve the best interest of your marriage.

Did your spouse actually use the words "dumbing down"? Seems like a form of self-deprecation.

People who are over-educated (have more education than their normal audience requires them to have) must learn to create simpler structures. I'm still working on that.

Give it some thought.

And then look up John Gottman's concept of "bids", and "turning toward" and "turning away from". You have an opportunity to build something here.

Best

DD


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

TheGr8Sleeper said:


> Today, my spouse asked me how far the bed was from a wall. I measured with my hand and said "About 4 finger breadths". My spouse became angry and accused me of using "big fancy words" to make them feel less intelligent. I have an advanced degree, my spouse has a bachelor's degree. They are NOT dumb or uneducated by any means. This is not the first time they have asked this of me, but honestly, I'm just speaking with the words that come to mind in the moment. I could have said "About 4 fingers wide", but that would have required me formulating a thought, and then assessing the "complexity" of the vocabulary and then "dumbing it down". My counter argument is that there is no shame in "explaining up" rather than "dumbing down", and they should not be asking me to change my vocabulary to "sound more normal" as they put it.
> 
> thoughts?


First - how many spouses do you have?

Second - when did "breadth" become a big word????

My H accuses me of the same, but I am just talking the way I talk. He's not mad, he just thinks it's funny, but he does think I'm posing and I'm not. Although now I have learned what type of expression will trigger him, and will say things I know will crack him up with a very straight face. 

When my H does express irritation at a word or phrase I use, I just laugh and repeat it and say something like "OMG - THREE WHOLE SYLLABLES! will you be OK? OH, NO, I said Syllables - Syl - luh - bles, yikes, that's three again, I am so sorry." and then I do air quotes when I say "I'm Sorry" from this most awesome scene from Friends that we both found hilarious and remember: 




As to your actual question - I'm not sure what to say. Have you always talked this way? 

Some people do put on airs when they speak and it is REALLY annoying. Especially when they are trying to talk all smart and use words wrong. Like saying "it was comprised of" instead of "composed of." I am convinced they just think comprise sounds smarter so they throw it in there and sound like a moron. Pompous = annoying and ignorant = annoying - but pompous + ignorant? INSUFFERABLE!

Maybe you should ask your spouse if he or she really didn't understand you. If finger breadth is the answer that naturally came to your mind what is the problem. Maybe you should also do some soul searching to see if you really are trying to sound "highly educated."

I'm more for accuracy. Sometimes a less commonly used word is the only one that conveys the TRUE meaning of what you are tying to communicate. In that case, I think it's poor communication and condescending to substitute a simpler word that is not truly accurate. Are you supposed to go around assuming people have limited vocabularies?


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

Mr. Nail said:


> I've never considered breadth to be an archaic, complex, or even British word. if the bed is 4 fingers from the wall, you can't practically put anything or anyone there. The only reason that I can see for wanting to know that distance is if you were tracking bed walking. Bed walking thread I'm much more interested in why the spouse in question wanted to know that distance.
> 
> I don't even blink at words that only have one syllable. I have no degree. If I run across a word I don't know I look it up. Doesn't make me feel less intelligent. I like words. Etymology fascinates me.


When I read the first sentence of the first post of this thread, I though we had just met the spouse of the "walking bed" thread.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

*Spouse wants me to &quot;Dumb down&quot; my vocabulary*

@john117...... there is no way to do that unless the other is truly a simpleton. 


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LOL...this story reminded me of many years ago when my now ex-H had friends that lived in a* real *blue collar section of Pennysltucky. They lived in a filthy ramshackle house with your typical filthy couch on the sagging porch and I supposed if you put the whole family together in one room, you'd have one complete set of teeth.

I really didn't like going there because it was like stepping into the Ozarks. I remember my now ex asking me on the way home after a visit if I could please "not use big fancy words they don't understand." I was like, "what the hell do you mean, big fancy words?" He said, "well, there you are all fancy dressed in your high heels and nice purse like a city slicker (that's because once or twice we'd gone out there and I was still dressed from work) and the way you speak makes it hard for them to understand you, like you're trying to be superior to them or something." Good lord. I'm no city slicker, I come from a relatively average American town of about 14,000.

I'm sure if I'd knocked a few of my teeth out, came barefoot, talked about my Uncle's still in the woods, cleaned out my ears with my car keys and bragged about how I was still a virgin when I married because I'd managed to outrun my brothers all these years, I would have fit right in with them.

Instead, I just stopped going to Hicksville with him since it taxed their brains too much whenever I'd use everyday words such as "ambiguous" or "reciprocal" and I wasn't going to start dressing and acting like an uneducated idiot in order to please them. I just had nothing in common with them as none of our cars were resting on cinder blocks in high weeds in the front yard and I hadn't gotten pregnant by some carny passing through with the circus at the age of 15. Ugh.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Interesting some of us read it differently. I thought OP was talking about the entire family , including the spouse, with the use of "them" and "they." Still, what stuck out to me was the immediate use of "advanced" vs "Bachelor's" as if it really denotes why OP talks a certain way.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

phillybeffandswiss said:


> Interesting some of us read it differently. I thought OP was talking about the entire family , including the spouse, with the use of "them" and "they." Still, what stuck out to me was the immediate use of "advanced" vs "Bachelor's" as if it really denotes why OP talks a certain way.




Frankly if OP had talked about some liquid being viscous instead of "thick" I might have agreed because that's actually correct and conveys a specific meaning. Breadth on the other hand actually conveys less meaning than most other ways of saying this, so it seems both an esoteric way of speaking and actually doesn't add much to the conversation. So I don't see it as having anything to do with education or intellect. 


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

And don't get me started on "thrice". I work in IT so a lot of coworkers are Indian. Apparently no one sent them the memo that we didn't even bring that word with us when we colonized America. They seem to think it's still a "real" word. I suppose if you need a special word for "3" you could use tertiary in some contexts.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

OP's not coming back


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Frankly if OP had talked about some liquid being viscous instead of "thick" I might have agreed because that's actually correct and conveys a specific meaning. Breadth on the other hand actually conveys less meaning than most other ways of saying this, so it seems both an esoteric way of speaking and actually doesn't add much to the conversation. So I don't see it as having anything to do with education or intellect.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


This is why I mentioned Advanced and Bachelor's stuck out to me. I am wondering if it is him and the way he carries himself. You use an esoteric word and then promptly talk about your "Advanced degree." There isn't enough info, but I wonder if he points things out like this at home. Then the spouse or family is like "dude these aren't educated words, quit talking down to me(us).


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

TheTruthHurts said:


> And don't get me started on "thrice". I work in IT so a lot of coworkers are Indian. Apparently no one sent them the memo that we didn't even bring that word with us when we colonized America. They seem to think it's still a "real" word. I suppose if you need a special word for "3" you could use tertiary in some contexts.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Indian IT has a language of their own...

- I have a doubt


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