# Advice Needed - Money Issues



## j1217 (Sep 11, 2013)

I've been with my fiance for five years, and we got engaged this April. We've been living together for almost five years as well. 
We are extremely compatible and perfect for each other, but are having some issues. I've also never felt "butterflies" or any of that stuff, but I do love him.

He's never been very unstable with his career (bouncing from job to job), but started his own business last year. He's made some money, and has also had a lot of bad luck. He hasn't brought in any money for over a half a year now, and I'm starting to stress out more and more each day.
Adding on to the issue - I'll be 33 this year and need to have children soon, and not sure I really can or want to "start over."

I have no idea what to do, or how to proceed with my life. Any advice is appreciated.


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## MissFroggie (Sep 3, 2013)

I've had to think about this a lot. My last couple of bfs have been exactly the same. I think you need to speak to him about it and explain to him in very clear terms why it is important to you for him to be able to provide - eg so you can have children and so you have enough to support a family. If he doesn't get his act sorted out you have to decide whether you are willing to support him and miss out on the family you would like to have or whether you should move on. I know it is hard, but if he respects and loves you enough he will pull himself together and be the provider you need.

(Just to clarify, the only reason I believe there are some relationships where a man needs to accept the responsibility of providing is because the woman is the one getting pregnant etc and may not be able to work. I understand people don't all agree with this and some think it is old fashioned, but personally, until men can got through pregnancy etc I want a man who can 'hold fort' while I give him children. I'm not being any more sexist in this than nature itself - when men can do the whole pregnancy thing I'd be happy to 'hold fort' financially etc.)


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Why aren't you telling him this?


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

Not settling in a job and then ending up running his own business suggests that he's not the 9 to 5 type but rather oriented toward being an entrepreneur (not afraid of risk, etc). There's nothing wrong with this - entrepreneurs have built the world.

However, BOTH of you need to be on board with this and accept the risk of owning your own business if it's going to work. If you can only be happy and settled in the good times and can't 'own' the bad times along with him, this won't work. The only thing you can count on when you own your own business is that you will have a lot of ups and downs and there will always be risk. Even when times are good, businesspeople will invest in expansion and take risks to grow. It's just the nature of it. Alternately, he can compromise to move into regular employment and give up being an entrepreneur to align yourselves as a couple.

If you see things differently and have a very different orientation when it comes to risk and uncertainty, then I'm sorry but i don't think this will ever work.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

"Bob, I think it would be better if you made a substantial amount of money in your business." Huh, Pam, maybe you're right, I thought, spending hours earning nothing was pretty good, but may be you're right, getting a fair amount of money for new cars, dinners, etc. would be good. 

If you have some suggestions about the job, perhaps you can discuss it. I am not sure I understand some of these posts. Running a business can be hard and maybe his skills need improvement but it's not clear that he's not trying.


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