# Brother in law on account



## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

My husband has a separate savings/checking account. I found out about it accidentally quite a while back. I told him at the time that I wouldn't have cared if he told me he was going to do it.
What I didn't know was that his brother is on the account. I found out about this also accidentally just today. He didn't want me to see the paper.
I asked him why his brother was on his account. His answer was that I was at work at the time and his brother just happened to be with him that day, and that he would do.:wtf: 
I asked him why his brother is on his account and he couldn't give me a straight answer.
I told him do I look stupid? Do I have it written on my forehead??. You don't HAVE to have someone on your account. You do it because you want them there.
Again I asked him why his brother was on his account and he wouldn't tell me.
He also has a rollover account. I went with him years ago, and he had me put down as the beneficiary of the account if something happened to him.
I also asked him if there was anything else he had changed?
He said nothing. What I am afraid of is him changing the beneficiary to one of his family members.
We are far from rich. As a matter of fact, we are in financial straights right now.
After this incident today, I have come to realize I need to protect myself financially somehow.
What do you all think of this?
Oh, and did I tell you my dad did the same thing to my mother. Had a secret account. How the hell does lightening strike twice in one family?


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## feetback245 (May 25, 2013)

Does his brother have financial problems? 
Your husband should be honest with you about what is going on-he's either hiding it because he wants to protect his brother or because he is doing something wrong and he doesn't want you to know.
His behavior is definitely off. Is your husband generally honest or do you have doubts about his behavior in other aspects of your life?
Are you able to find out if you are still the beneficiary of the roll over account?
You have no separate account from your husband- I'm guessing from your post. If you are concerned that he is not being honest and is putting money away without letting you know, then getting a separate account to save money for yourself doesn't sound like a bad idea. Would you husband care if you did this? Does he expect you to share all your money when he pockets some of his separately?
No matter what you do, you need to find out what he's up to with his brother... good luck.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

In my state a spouse has to consent to a non spouse beneficiary unless the Ira is inherited. But we're a community property state.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

First of all he shouldn't have account you don't know about, then the brother on it is odd. Ask him to close it. Look at the statements with a fine tooth comb and from know on sign in at least weekly to your joint account.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

" How the hell does lightening strike twice in one family"

By not acting when you found out about the account and because you said you wouldn't have cared. I only believe in joint accounts there are no surprises and both can control your finances better.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

His brother is financially stable. He opened the savings account without telling me, which I wasn't happy about the deception. What I'm saying is I don't see whats wrong with him having the savings account, If he told me in the first place it wouldn't have been a big deal. He opened the checking account much later. I wasn't pleased about that either, but I don't know what I could do about it. How was I supposed to act on it?
I don't think he is being honest about his finances. 
We did have a joint savings account. But when he decided to get one of his own, I took him off the joint savings(which I started by the way) and made it my own. He wasn't happy that I did it. I don't have much in it, just a few dollars. But I am going to find a way to get it going again.
I am the beneficiary of his rollover.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

How much is in his account? How much has he squirreled away? Can you see all the transactions? 

Oh, are you a big spender?


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## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

My H has about 6,500 dollars in the account. No, I'm not a big spender. 
I am tempted to call my brother in law and ask him why he is on the account. I have gone through different scenarios. If he says you'll have to ask H, I'll say, he won't give me a straight answer. If he still says he can't, I'll say, how would E (his wife) feel if you did the same thing?. I don't think she would be too happy with you. Should I call my bro in law and ask?


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Some families will always see the spouse as somehow less reliable than their original family. If something happens to them, they want to make sure their bills are paid on time. An account that's just in one name has to go to probate and the spouse being the legal next of kin is the one who gains control of the account. I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea, but he might feel very awkward explaining this to you. He may also feel that if something happens to him, you might not be able to handle all of the finances being overwhelmed with everything else, or that you might be taken advantage of in some way.

Maybe ask your H if this is the case. If not, you'll be able to tell by non-verbal signals...if you know him well, you'll see any signs of deceit. If you can't, well, accept that there will be separate finances that make no sense at all. It could be money that he has set aside for care of parents?


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## theetoeturtle (May 5, 2009)

Both of his parents passed away years ago.
When my husband was let go from his employer, I was the one who payed the bills, made sure the mortgage was paid,(at the time my mother was helping us with it, but hasn't been able for over a year and a half.
I tried to pay the bills on my own pay for 5 years working as a sales associate. I was the responsible one!. Then finally I couldn't do it anymore. The money could be stretched only so far, and we got further and further behind.
I would say, if anyone wasn't reliable its my husband who has been out of work for the past 6 years.
He works on occasion for a company that does security for events.
But that doesn't bring in much, and I don't see the money from that.
But now that we are both out of work, we are in a pinch.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

thetoeturtle, the only reason a spouse would have a secret bank account and have a other person sharing it with them would be so they could hide assets in order to facilitate an escape from the relationship. You need to start looking out for yourself and any children the two of you may have had.
By the time the system was through cleaning me out after my divorce, the only thing I had left of value was a 401K plan which I had accumulated before marrying my cheating ex-wife.


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