# Wife Unfaithful for last 10 years



## loserman (Jan 14, 2013)

Hello everyone. Did you ever read these posts and figure that you would never be in this position? My beautiful, adoreable, perfect (with perfect morals) of 25 years this year has been in a relationship "just for the sex" for the last 10 years from April 2003 to January 2013. I had suspected her several times over the years but never too seriously, as she has always been the most honest and decent person I have ever known. As we were leaving for Christmas vacation, I saw an email to an ex-boss of hers that was way too friendly. He asked her "what's up" and she replied "oh sweetie, you are on top of my list soon" to which he replied "Great perhaps that is why I am so tired, I have been on top for too long" etc. This by itself might not have been too alarming except that she NEVER calls me ANY pet names, etc.
It all began in earlly 2004 when she came to me and said that she was not intersted in me "that way" anymore and that she thought we should seperate, etc. I was devasted, NEVER having any idea she felt that way. We had always had a pretty healthy sex life, going at it up to 3 times a week and I felt she felt pretty good. But of course with 3 tiny kids at home I figured it must have been someboday else. She later that day relented after consideration and after me balling like I had not since I was a child. So we stayed together. Over the next several years she basically treated me awfully, having the functional weekly sex but never kissing or doing anything too intimate beyond the act itself. If I ever got frustrated, etc., she would pull out the old "I said I do not love you that way" line and devastate me for another several weeks. Over time, I learned not to say much and just take what was offered. Over time, I also had my doubts about her fidelity, but never anything for too long. There were several times she made me feel awful about myself, including a few times where I went to touch her except during the act itself and she said that "You make my skin crawl" and other horrible things like that. 
About 3 years ago I found our cell phone bill was riddled with calls to a particular phone number especially early in the morning and my doubts began again. I should say that as the years have passed, she has been marginally better to me, but never back to serious petting or flirting or even any real eye contact. So I checked the phone numbers against her black book and found that it was someone who was an ex-boss that she was calling all the time. She played this all so poorly, for example the only reason I looked at the cell bill at all was that I had called her one time on her birthday in the morning and she basically bit my head off "dont you know I HATE talking and driving at the same time" etc. And then I looked at the bill and KNEW that she did not mind doing just that, just not with me! So I asked her about it and she threatened me with still not loving me and with our 3 kids I just decided to move on. But she DID stop calling him on her cell.
There were a couple of times over the years where I imagined or dreamed of those two meeting for lunch and going to a hotel, but seriously her reputation was so intact with me that I simply could NOT believe it so I did not go and try and catch them. I just did not want to be physically spying.
Finally as we were about to leave for xmas, I found that email this past December 22, 2012. I was shaking and nervous but just went to her and flat out asked and she said that "no, there never has been anyone but you dear" etc. stuff I had heard over the years. So while on vacation I concocted a story about needing to use her computer when I got back home (I went home before her and the kids to go back to work) because hers is a pc and ours at home is a Mac. She was really reluctant to say anything to let me use it, but she relented and told me to stay away from her emails. The dye had been cast. 
I got home that day and read emails from 4PM to 2:30 AM. Hundreds of emails detailing their relationship over the years. Dozens of emails with him asking her for a "call in the morning" where apparently she could talk dirty and he could do things in his office at work. Thus all the phone calls. Later when she asked about it before admitting ANYTHING, she said with great pride "and I have not called him on the cell" which I already knew. What they had been doing was she was going to a conference room and calling him with her stories and it went on and on.
But these emails described all kinds of acts in great details, disgusting details and I am no prude! There were times where she would say "hey lets meet for lunch" and he would say 'OK" and then an hour later she would say things like "well, I am all hot and sweaty now, but it was worth it" and things like that. Many of them. There were also horrible emails about me personally, how much she cannot stand me, how bad it is in bed, etc. Personal, personal stuff.
Finally after two days of denying it even though she must have known I read the emails she finally admitted it and of course gave the old husband crushing "it was only for the sex" which might in one light be a postive even though I know from the caring emails that at least for some period of time she did not believe just that, she was in it for more...So I was crushed. IN fact, in one of the most hard to forget details she told me that the very day before we left on vacation, she and her buddy had met in our old van and gotten it on. Thus I was able to go up to our laundry basket and find the offending underwear and all the evidence in the world. Another hard to gorget detail is that she apparently took the kids one time up to Sunday school and dropped them off and picked him up at the park and ride so that they could run to our house and do it in our bedroom one time, which is all she will admit to. Horrible. Apparently while at the house they used an old polariod to take photos of each other, photos of him which I later found in a briefcase of hers. Very graphic, very manly in a sense, very crushing. Keep in mind this is a perfect little lady who would NEVER acquiesce to doing any of these things with me. 
To her credit, she came home with the kids, did all the right things, tried to make me feel better, kissed me like we had not done in 10 years, etc. We had and continue to have very nice sexual relations and I can tell she is putting her best foot forward. In an effort to feel better about things, I had her take me to the cheap hotel where they had first consumated their relationship and we had fun, drank some and had a nice time overall. She also took care of doing things in the van, althought I still hate that thing. Apparently it was the van where they did most of their things and we bought that van about one month before this all started and still have it today. Our family van and then had been at it IN it for 10 solid years.
She told me details and I kept asking, of course because it was for the sex then he was much better than me (who knew she would even do many of those things??) She told me of a park that they used to meet at where when they first started they would go and down so lone path they would drop thier pants and do it outdoors, etc. She told me of the hotel room, admitting to only going their twice (usually the park in the van or just in the park itself) and other assorted stuff. Horrible.
Now however, she is of course tired of me bringing it up. I want to keep our marriage together for the kids, but of course I want to get over some of this and feel better about myself, so I take her up on the sex and the chit chat, although she still will not chat like that with me online or on the phone. She says it is too dangerous at her work to do so, but of course just a month ago she was in a conference room talking dirty to another man! Anyway, things are better, but I can tell she is still hiding and she actually expects me just to drop it and move on. I am crushed. 10 years of memories, for my youngest son all but 2 months of his entire life all crushed. Every time I see a photo from that period I cringe. There is one from 2008 where I had taken off early to get the kids early to get her a birthday cake and I knew she was coming home early. She came in and the kids were so excited (she really is a beautiful wife in many ways) and she lit up and life was good. I have a great photo of that in our hallway at home, one of my best. Now I know from the emails which I have printed out that on that very date, just about 30 minutes before the photo was taken, that they had been in the park bent against a tree. CRUSHING CRUSHING CRUSHING. That smile on her radiant birthday face and also the knowlegde that he had given her a nice birthday present, one that she FULLY enjoyed. Hurt. Oh lord what a hurt. Crushing. Also I gave her the same present that same night and she could not have been more reluctant, too tired, etc.
But how am I to move on? Please help. She is acting so much like her old self and is very loving ,etc. but if I bring this topic up she gets angry and says I need to move on. She will not have a frank discussion of it and as far as I can tell, she sleeps well at night and is NOT very remorseful. I have the terrible knowledge that IF I had NOT found the emails, she would still be treating me the same way and still making plans with him. I suppose her going with me is something, although she knows everybody would hate her if she left. Her parents, very important in her life, would NEVER understand.
I feel like a sap. I feel duped. I feel like Rushworth in Mansfield Park, some SHE considers a joke and a fool. She will NOT have an in-depth conversation about this. Please keep in mind that for brevity's sake (!) I have left out alot of the details including knowledge of many things they did that WE never did. She is being a bit more naughty and flirtatious but not much. She seems as controlling as ever. But boy if you could see her, if you KNEW her,you would know why I am putting up with it. To preserve my famlily and to NOT let him win in the long run. Speaking of the old hypocrite, he is a man praised many times by my wife as being a good dad, a volunteer coach, a real man of the community type. I looked onliine and saw his dauthers wedding photos and there he is about 3 days after messing with my wife in person walking his beloved daughter down the isle, reputation and love completely intact.
I am furious at him and plan on getting even. But the fact is that when I see those pics I cannot stand his pasty old body climbing on my wife. It makes me want to vomit. Why does he and my wife get off scot free and get to sleep at night with good memories while I cannot sleep more than 2 hours total a night.
I have contacted him to knock it off and he has cried, apologized, lied, been remorseful (more than my wife, I must say) and told me it is all over. He has a wife and kids at home and loves them and is so sorry, tried to get it to stop, etc. He is a coward and I will deal with him some other time.
If anyone has any thoughts, advice, etc. on how I should proceed, I would appreciate it. It is affecting my appetite, enjoyment of ANYTHING and my job performance with no sleep. I feel terrible and do not know what to do, but I would like for it to work out in the future. She truly is the love of my life, but it kills me to think that all of HER love stories are of a different person. Help.

Loserman


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

Why haven't you told EVERYONE about their 10 year affair "just for the sex"?

She is COUNTING on you keeping it quiet so she can hold her head up in her social world pretending she's a decent person. Ditto for him.

Go to the Coping With Infidelity section of this website and they will HELP YOU expose this mess. That's the only way it stops. That's the ONLY way YOU regain some measure of control, dignity, respect in your life

GO! Go and expose to HER family, your children, her friends, her workplace, HIS wife, his sports team, his workplace, etc.


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## Cee Paul (Apr 11, 2012)

Didn't read the entire novel you wrote but I get the jest of it, and with me it would be OVER before she even completed telling me that she'd been cheating on me.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes expose to family and friends and get some ic sounds like you could use it.


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## Summer4744 (Oct 15, 2012)

She walked all over you because you let her.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

loserman said:


> Hello everyone. Did you ever read these posts and figure that you would never be in this position? My beautiful, adoreable, perfect (with perfect morals) of 25 years this year has been in a relationship "just for the sex" for the last 10 years from April 2003 to January 2013. I had suspected her several times over the years but never too seriously, as she has always been the most honest and decent person I have ever known. As we were leaving for Christmas vacation, I saw an email to an ex-boss of hers that was way too friendly. He asked her "what's up" and she replied "oh sweetie, you are on top of my list soon" to which he replied "Great perhaps that is why I am so tired, I have been on top for too long" etc. This by itself might not have been too alarming except that she NEVER calls me ANY pet names, etc.
> It all began in earlly 2004 when she came to me and said that she was not intersted in me "that way" anymore and that she thought we should seperate, etc. I was devasted, NEVER having any idea she felt that way. We had always had a pretty healthy sex life, going at it up to 3 times a week and I felt she felt pretty good. But of course with 3 tiny kids at home I figured it must have been someboday else. She later that day relented after consideration and after me balling like I had not since I was a child. So we stayed together. Over the next several years she basically treated me awfully, having the functional weekly sex but never kissing or doing anything too intimate beyond the act itself. If I ever got frustrated, etc., she would pull out the old "I said I do not love you that way" line and devastate me for another several weeks. Over time, I learned not to say much and just take what was offered. Over time, I also had my doubts about her fidelity, but never anything for too long. There were several times she made me feel awful about myself, including a few times where I went to touch her except during the act itself and she said that "You make my skin crawl" and other horrible things like that.
> About 3 years ago I found our cell phone bill was riddled with calls to a particular phone number especially early in the morning and my doubts began again. I should say that as the years have passed, she has been marginally better to me, but never back to serious petting or flirting or even any real eye contact. So I checked the phone numbers against her black book and found that it was someone who was an ex-boss that she was calling all the time. She played this all so poorly, for example the only reason I looked at the cell bill at all was that I had called her one time on her birthday in the morning and she basically bit my head off "dont you know I HATE talking and driving at the same time" etc. And then I looked at the bill and KNEW that she did not mind doing just that, just not with me! So I asked her about it and she threatened me with still not loving me and with our 3 kids I just decided to move on. But she DID stop calling him on her cell.
> There were a couple of times over the years where I imagined or dreamed of those two meeting for lunch and going to a hotel, but seriously her reputation was so intact with me that I simply could NOT believe it so I did not go and try and catch them. I just did not want to be physically spying.
> ...


I have no advise to give you.. but I have complete empathy for your situation.. I know how devastating it is when the person you love betrays you and your trust. 

Many here will soon give you advise on exposing the affair to the OM's wife, etc.

I hope you find the answer you are looking for.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

loserman said:


> If anyone has any thoughts, advice, etc. on how I should proceed, I would appreciate it. It is affecting my appetite, enjoyment of ANYTHING and my job performance with no sleep. I feel terrible and do not know what to do, but I would like for it to work out in the future. *She truly is the love of my life,* but it kills me to think that all of HER love stories are of a different person. Help.
> 
> Loserman


First, get to the Coping with Infidelity forum. There is a lot of advice there.

Second, the bold part absolutely is not true. Someone that loves you would not have done these things to you. She puts you through ten years of hell and then wants you to forget about it. She is an awful person. So you need to figure out why you think you deserve this.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

What a sorry excuse for a human being she is. And you have allowed her, and continue to allow her, to crap all over you. You need to expose her affair and leave her rotten ass. Take control of your life and get yourself some happiness.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Tall Average Guy said:


> First, get to the Coping with Infidelity forum. There is a lot of advice there.
> 
> Second, the bold part absolutely is not true. Someone that loves you would not have done these things to you. She puts you through ten years of hell and then wants you to forget about it. She is an awful person. So you need to figure out why you think you deserve this.


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Read the newbie link in my signature. All of it. You need it.

This woman is NOT the love of your life. She is a dirty cheating liar. She betrayed you thousands of times over the last ten years.

Why in gods name would you want to remain with her?? Now that you've found out, she wants you to pretend it never even happened!! You know that this is so she can continue what she's doing, right?

If you could hear her conversations and read her emails with the OM right now, they would be plotting how to keep screwing each other and take it farther underground so you don't know about it.

The first thing you need to do is decide you are not going to take it any more. Once you've made that decision, I'll continue with my advice. Kick her lying cheating ass to the curb. Now.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

She has emailed another man that she cannot stand you. You deserve better. I don't care how beautiful she is you deserve someone who adores you and appreciates you. She doesn't. She has actually shown some very ugly characterics when it comes to her behavior.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to realize she chose the OM over you ten years ago and she is still playing you. She still intend to continue meeting him, and she still intends to lie to you.

why do I say this ? Because 10 years ago she made a deliberate choice of him over you. She told you flat out, no sex for you. What she meant, was no HER for you, especially sexually, that SHE was reserved for him. so what you got is duty sex to keep you from taking your paycheck and from exposing her OM and causing him grief. But for the last 10 years she only allowed you to have sex with her body, in the most minimal way and she never participated into emotionally.

Basically, she cheated on the OM with you.

Now ask yourself why is she doing stuff with you? It's not that she after 10 years has rediscovered her passion for you or your touch? it isn't that she has now chosen you.

It's that she fears loosing your paycheck, and she fears you taking action against her OM, which is turn would possibly make the OM hate her and dump her?

Now why should she fear the OM dumping her if she intends to end the cheating? ding-ding-ding - answer she doesn't plan on ending the cheating. she plans on giving you some sex, some tears,and some apology, and to jump right back into cheating once she's handled the situation.

How old are the kids? Are you sure they are even your kids?

Her affair didn't start 10 years ago when she cut you off sexually. It started well before that and worked its way up to where she decided to cut you out so she could be true to the OM.

Advice?

1. Post the OM on cheaterville.com
2. Have you wife write out a hand written no contact letter where she dumps the OM and declares the 10 years of sex they had is ended and she is choosing her marriage over him. She will give this to you to read and for you to send to him. Make a copy for yourself.
3. You wife quits her job if it has being used as an enabler for her cheating with him. Does she still have work related contact with him?
4. Tell the OMW today - do not mention doing it to your wife at all. just do it. Send her a copy of the no contact letter.
5. Contact the OM's work an let them know he's been having phone sex while at work with your wife, and that he's been using offices and conference rooms to sneak off and take care of himself.
6. Expose your wife to friends and family.
7. Tell you wife that you are prepared to file for divorce. That you are seeing the marriage in a new light, and her betrayal and rejection of you for the last 10 years has changed you forever. She has ONE chance to permanently return to the marriage and that includes sexually and passionately returning to you. That you are the one and only partner she will ever have again. If she only gives it a half effort - you will divorce her. If she even looks like she is cheating - you will divorce her. She has only 1 chance.


You may see the exposure of the OM and the exposure of your wife as just revenge, and if you do that will be your undoing because what it really is, is you holding them accountable for their choices. It is you telling the truth to people who need to know what they are dealing with, and it is you showing your wife that you will not be part of covering up her cheating, lies, and betrayal.


Frankly, I don't think your wife has any interest in fixing the marriage or ending her affair. she's only buying time for either things to return to the status quo so she can resume hooking up with , or for the OM to choose her over his wife.

They met up at lunch and had sex - often - so why do you think they aren't still doing that?

She chose sex with him in the back of a van in a public place over you - why do you think she isn't still planing on doing that?

I'd be exposing and filing for divorce this week if I was in your shoes. Why settle for someone who has chosen to reject you for 10 years? Why settle for someone who preferred sex in the back of van to sex with her own husband in their bed?


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I feel very sorry for your pain.

I am going to suggest that you see a doctor and a counselor before you fall completely apart & can't work & support your children. 

I am glad you found this forum for support. Others will advise on your situation.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I want to add:

The ONLY reason she hasn't left you & filed for divorce is because the OM will not leave his wife & family.

OM's with wives & children rarely do.

My current husband's ex-wife left him & her children because her OM promised to leave his wife & children. He never did; just set her up in an apartment as a side mistress for 6 years until he got tired of her. Dumb broad.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Summer4744 said:


> She walked all over you because you let her.


:iagree:.....and she's still walking all over you!
In her mind she has justified her actions because she knows that you will not stand up for yourself. She sees you as weak.
You tolerated her behviour for so long that it is now ingrained in her, she shows no remorse even when all the evidence is blatantly in front of her.
In her warped reasoning , she thinks you deserve her contemptuous behaviour.
She is still treating you with contempt by _offering_ you sexual favors in return of your acquiescence.

_She has already calculated your response a million times. You are under her control_.

You need to shock her back to reality by exposing her.
Also , please avail yourself with IC.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I keep coming back to this thread hoping the OP posts, but so far, nothing. Sometimes there will be a thread that sticks in my head because it disturbs me so much, and this is one of those threads. I am amazed what people will put themselves through and allow to happen to them.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> :iagree:.....and she's still walking all over you!
> In her mind she has justified her actions because she knows that you will not stand up for yourself. She sees you as weak.
> You tolerated her behviour for so long that it is now ingrained in her, she shows no remorse even when all the evidence is blatantly in front of her.
> In her warped reasoning , she thinks you deserve her contemptuous behaviour.
> ...


:iagree: You have to get yourself together and transform yourself into a man 'that doesn't take any crap from anyone.' Her lack of remorse and not wanting to discuss the issue is troubling. She's only sorry she got caught. And she has no worries that you'll leave. You're not strong enough to leave or to give her real consequences. You're only worried that she'll leave.

You need to take control of your marriage and start respecting yourself. You don't deserve what she's done to you. And here's someone else who doesn't deserve this crap: The predator-otherman's wife. Tell her about this now.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I think the OP is beyond help. 10 years of confirmed betrayal and manipulation and he still thinks he's in love and can save his marriage. Some guys are meant to be victims.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> I keep coming back to this thread hoping the OP posts, but so far, nothing. Sometimes there will be a thread that sticks in my head because it disturbs me so much, and this is one of those threads. I am amazed what people will put themselves through and allow to happen to them.


Well I hope the OP is disgusted and is embarrassed with the way he's allowed this to continue. But if the OP is reading this, I urge him to come back and get the best advice he'll ever get. OP, I'd say just about all of us here cringe when we think of our own situations and the stupid things we did or didn't do. You didn't want to find yourself in a life-changing situation, but here you are. Now it's up to you to acquire knowledge and implement it and change your life for the better.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

OP, if you come back, here's something to consider: 

You may admire and love her, but it's not a 2-way street. She does not love and admire you. Don't you deserve someone who does? 

Are you sure your son is really yours?


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## AlphaHalf (Aug 5, 2012)

If you don't respect yourself, Don't expect her to respect you either. You avoided the obvious and blatant issues/red flags years ago. 
You buried your head in the sand until the beach washed away, only then you saw the truth. Even now your hanging on to a remorseless women who doesn't give a dam about you.

You already know what you should do but are you going to be strong enough to do it? How can a women who despises your touch/deny sex/and treats you like s#$t, be "the love of your life"???? Don't say its because she is a great mother. What is her worth beyond that, to make you put up with her 10yrs of cuckolding you? 

Expose her and the OM to Everyone.....EVERYONE. Save the emails and all other evidence of their actions and Expose this to your/her family and friends. Definitely expose it to the OM's wife (she has a right to know) and children. Anything less then this is your attempt to bury your head in concrete this time. I'm sure other posters will inform you of the 180. Do not inform your wife about your plan. Any attention she gives you, is her trying to control you because you've been her puppet for years.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Tough blow, dude.

You should have some individual counseling.

You cannot move on until you gain control of your life and your actions.

For 10 years you put up with a horrible wife who treated you terrible. Can she respect you for doing that? No.

Now, you are putting up with the knowledge that you have been cheated on, and she is now maniupulating you by giving you better sex then she did for the last 10 years. Can she respect you for accepting that? No.

You believe that if you do anything to push for what you need that YOU will be breaking up the family. You are operating based on fear. Can she respect you for that? No.

The only way for you to move on and your marriage to move on is for you to command and demand respect. Turn things around so these things YOU NEEED, your is urgently trying to fix to avoid ruining her life and her family.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

One of the worst cases of cake eating and a husband with no backbone that I've ever come across on this forum.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Enginerd said:


> I think the OP is beyond help. 10 years of confirmed betrayal and manipulation and he still thinks he's in love and can save his marriage. Some guys are meant to be victims.


I agree with this. 10 years of being destroyed emotionally and he STILL wants to stay with his wife because she's beautiful and he doesn't want the other man to win....

It's frightening how far gone he is.


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## blimilim (Jan 19, 2013)

dont do anything rash. you waited this long, try to get real counselling. first legal, than professional. evidence, and than start thinking how do you feel and what you want to do. the kids are not excuse for a miserable family cell. if you were happy, maybe there were ups and down to consider and how do you want things to go.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

If you think you can be NICE enough to change her mind, to make her SEE you and APPRECIATE you, and realize what she is doing to you and the kids....you're KIDDING YOURSELF.

She SEES you. She has NO RESPECT for you. She couldn't care less about YOU. She knows the kids are fed and sheltered, what more do they need. She is getting fvcked plenty by the man of HER CHOICE.

You're not going to "NICE" her into changing her mind.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Grow. Some. Balls.

You're meant to be a man. Act like one.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

please please use paragraphs!


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Wanna bet his wife is a regular poster on that other site that caters to cheaters? Friend your marriage died 10 years ago. You just didn't know to bury it until now. You can start the grieving process. Sorry for your loss.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

loserman said:


> Hello everyone. Did you ever read these posts and figure that you would never be in this position? My beautiful, adoreable, perfect (with perfect morals) of 25 years this year has been in a relationship "just for the sex" for the last 10 years from April 2003 to January 2013. I had suspected her several times over the years but never too seriously, as she has always been the most honest and decent person I have ever known. As we were leaving for Christmas vacation, I saw an email to an ex-boss of hers that was way too friendly. He asked her "what's up" and she replied "oh sweetie, you are on top of my list soon" to which he replied "Great perhaps that is why I am so tired, I have been on top for too long" etc. This by itself might not have been too alarming except that she NEVER calls me ANY pet names, etc.
> It all began in earlly 2004 when she came to me and said that she was not intersted in me "that way" anymore and that she thought we should seperate, etc. I was devasted, NEVER having any idea she felt that way. We had always had a pretty healthy sex life, going at it up to 3 times a week and I felt she felt pretty good. But of course with 3 tiny kids at home I figured it must have been someboday else. She later that day relented after consideration and after me balling like I had not since I was a child. So we stayed together. Over the next several years she basically treated me awfully, having the functional weekly sex but never kissing or doing anything too intimate beyond the act itself. If I ever got frustrated, etc., she would pull out the old "I said I do not love you that way" line and devastate me for another several weeks. Over time, I learned not to say much and just take what was offered. Over time, I also had my doubts about her fidelity, but never anything for too long. There were several times she made me feel awful about myself, including a few times where I went to touch her except during the act itself and she said that "You make my skin crawl" and other horrible things like that.
> About 3 years ago I found our cell phone bill was riddled with calls to a particular phone number especially early in the morning and my doubts began again. I should say that as the years have passed, she has been marginally better to me, but never back to serious petting or flirting or even any real eye contact. So I checked the phone numbers against her black book and found that it was someone who was an ex-boss that she was calling all the time. She played this all so poorly, for example the only reason I looked at the cell bill at all was that I had called her one time on her birthday in the morning and she basically bit my head off "dont you know I HATE talking and driving at the same time" etc. And then I looked at the bill and KNEW that she did not mind doing just that, just not with me! So I asked her about it and she threatened me with still not loving me and with our 3 kids I just decided to move on. But she DID stop calling him on her cell.
> There were a couple of times over the years where I imagined or dreamed of those two meeting for lunch and going to a hotel, but seriously her reputation was so intact with me that I simply could NOT believe it so I did not go and try and catch them. I just did not want to be physically spying.
> ...


You have to tell his wife. Give her a copy of what you found. You have to expose the affair to everyone. You need to ask her to leave. You need to see an attorney. This is a habit and he is a part of her life. She will not quit.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Until there are consequences, bad behavior will continue, and this affair will continue. Granted it will cool off and the OM will want it more so to protect his own marriage, but in time it will start up again. See the OM is only protecting his marriage, he has no reason to save it!

OM has not faced the consequences.

Your wife has done nothing to affaIr proof her marriage.

AND SELL THAT DAMB VAN ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

loserman said:


> ...I had suspected her several times over the years but never too seriously.
> .... I saw an email to an ex-boss of hers that was way too friendly.
> ......It all began in earlly 2004 when she came to me and said that she was not intersted in me "that way" anymore and that she thought we should seperate, etc.
> .........But of course with 3 tiny kids at home I figured it must have been someboday else. She later that day relented after consideration and after me balling like I had not since I was a child. So we stayed together.
> ...


Read Faust. 

You have sold your soul to the Devil many years ago, and still do every time. 

The Devil has taken your soul and is for fun playing her role in your life. 

You knew all these years, she basically has been open about it all. 

If we leave the faust aspect out of the relation I can understand why she agreed with you many years ago to live in this cuckold situation. You should have taken action about every instance you could, but you did not and she saw that as further confirmation of your doormatting role.

Even now you are in that 'fog'.....

What exactly do you want??


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## MrHappy (Oct 23, 2008)

Imagine a flat plain of grass all around you. That is you right now. Now imagine you hire a contractor to build some nice brick walls with catapults on top. Get up on the wall by the catapult and wait for her to try to break through the wall. Get her, place her in the catapult, and launch her back over the wall while laughing like a maniac and flipping her the finger.

That is what you need. Some boundaries and the consequences that go with them. Also read No More Mr Nice Guy. You NEED it.


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