# Risks with porn?



## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

It used to bother me that my husband watched porn.... EVEN THOUGH I occasionally watch it, myself. Hypocritical, I know. Over time I have gotten much more secure in our relationship and am ok knowing he watches it once in a while. Last night, I admitted to him that I watched it. He had absolutely no clue. So I tossed around the idea of watching it together....

But before we go there, just wondering if anyone has tried it and had a bad experience? Any jealousy issues? Did it get out of hand to where it was needed more often than you hoped? I just don't want to open pandora's box here. A few years ago I would have *never* considered this but I guess we are just totally comfortable with each other now and I don't seem to really have any jealousy/insecurity issues..... Thoughts?


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

kl84 said:


> So I tossed around the idea of watching it together.... But before we go there, just wondering if anyone has tried it and had a bad experience? Any jealousy issues? Did it get out of hand to where it was needed more often than you hoped? I just don't want to open pandora's box here.


My wife and I have watched porn together. It was fun and I loved how hot it made her. My only "complaint", if it can be called that, is that when she's watching she's completely into what she's watching. She doesn't focus on me at all. For my part, I am always kissing, licking, caressing every part of her so she gets it in 3D :-D

That said, in my experience opening the door to porn is something of a double edged sword. Yes, it can add spice to the bedroom. But it can also become a kind of escape route when things start getting a little tough. During our long sexual dry spell, it became easier to watch porn and 'do my thing' than to stay focused and keep trying to seduce her when I knew that she didn't want sex. I knew she didn't care if I watched it, so I did when I felt like it. I think solo watching hurt our marriage more than it helped, but I'd watch it with her again if she wants to.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

pplwatching said:


> My wife and I have watched porn together. It was fun and I loved how hot it made her. My only "complaint", if it can be called that, is that when she's watching she's completely into what she's watching. She doesn't focus on me at all. For my part, I am always kissing, licking, caressing every part of her so she gets it in 3D :-D
> 
> That said, in my experience opening the door to porn is something of a double edged sword. Yes, it can add spice to the bedroom. But it can also become a kind of escape route when things start getting a little tough. During our long sexual dry spell, it became easier to watch porn and 'do my thing' than to stay focused and keep trying to seduce her when I knew that she didn't want sex. I knew she didn't care if I watched it, so I did when I felt like it. I think solo watching hurt our marriage more than it helped, but I'd watch it with her again if she wants to.


Well I was thinking along the lines of giving him a bj while we watch it so that wouldn't be an issue. I'm not *totally* into it but can see how it would bring something new to the bedroom... and as for dry spells, I already know he watches it when i'm not in the mood, time of the month, etc. So that's not really an issue. And i've sort of been rejecting him regularly for the past year and it never stopped him from pursuing me, even if he has access to porn..... so those things I don't believe would cause a problem....unless *he* totally ignored me, which I highly doubt would happen....


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## Writer (Aug 3, 2012)

When we first started living together in 2000, I had the same thoughts on porn. I didn't like him watching it or using it at all. In fact, before I knew about boundaries, I demanded he get rid of it all.

I've tried it, and I didn't have any jealousy. However, it did help during it he couldn't keep his hands off of me. We watch it together on occasion. We're intimate about every other day. I watch porn every day. I have a very high drive. He watches it on the days we aren't together.

As far as needing to do different positions, we did that already. We always try new things (that don't hurt) so this was just another one of those things. I'm very secure in the relationship now. Doesn't bother me at all.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

Writer said:


> When we first started living together in 2000, I had the same thoughts on porn. I didn't like him watching it or using it at all. In fact, before I knew about boundaries, I demanded he get rid of it all.
> 
> I've tried it, and I didn't have any jealousy. However, it did help during it he couldn't keep his hands off of me. We watch it together on occasion. We're intimate about every other day. I watch porn every day. I have a very high drive. He watches it on the days we aren't together.
> 
> As far as needing to do different positions, we did that already. We always try new things (that don't hurt) so this was just another one of those things. I'm very secure in the relationship now. Doesn't bother me at all.


Yeah that's sort of what made me think of it because I am limited on positions right now being that I am 7 months pregnant and already the size of a mammoth LOL. 

At first he tried to tell me he watches it once a month then I gave him the "yeah right" face LOL..... so he admitted he watches it once, maybe twice a week. He doesn't really get the opportunity to watch it because he's rarely home alone and we usually fall asleep together lol.......but still, I knew once a month was a stretch hahaha. If it became a problem/obsession i'd have issues but it's never interfered so now i'm a little more open to it....


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## Twofaces (Dec 5, 2011)

pplwatching said:


> That said, in my experience opening the door to porn is something of a double edged sword. Yes, it can add spice to the bedroom. But it can also become a kind of escape route when things start getting a little tough. During our long sexual dry spell, it became easier to watch porn and 'do my thing' than to stay focused and keep trying to seduce her when I knew that she didn't want sex. I knew she didn't care if I watched it, so I did when I felt like it. I think solo watching hurt our marriage more than it helped, but I'd watch it with her again if she wants to.





:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

*A cautionary tale*



kl84 said:


> And i've sort of been rejecting him regularly for the past year and it never stopped him from pursuing me, even if he has access to porn..... so those things I don't believe would cause a problem....unless *he* totally ignored me, which I highly doubt would happen....


Even taking away the porn, this line of thinking is dangerous (IMHO). I can only speak for my own marriage, but regular rejection hurts a lot. The longer it goes on the deeper the hurt and eventual resentment becomes. Of course I kept persuing her, because I craved intimacy with her (not just sex). There came a point when being rejected became the norm and my expectation, rather than the occasional exception. Porn or not, that's is a dangerous place for a marriage to be. 

My experience is no indicator of what will happen for you guys. Even so I'd still caution you not to think that rejection is harmless just because he's still chasing your skirt.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

*Re: A cautionary tale*



pplwatching said:


> Even taking away the porn, this line of thinking is dangerous (IMHO). I can only speak for my own marriage, but regular rejection hurts a lot. The longer it goes on the deeper the hurt and eventual resentment becomes. Of course I kept persuing her, because I craved intimacy with her (not just sex). There came a point when being rejected became the norm and my expectation, rather than the occasional exception. Porn or not, that's is a dangerous place for a marriage to be.
> 
> My experience is no indicator of what will happen for you guys. Even so I'd still caution you not to think that rejection is harmless just because he's still chasing your skirt.


Never said it was harmless. At the time, I didn't know exactly how detrimental it could be. It was only after joining this forum and seeing other mens' reactions to rejection that I realized how big of an issue it is. My husband never confronted me about it. We recently had a talk where we came to a mutual understanding regarding sex. Neither of us were having our needs completely met, so now, we are working on it. This was all my initiative. I realized I was wrong and started taking action.


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## MikelHochst (Aug 28, 2012)

I didn't like him watching it or using it at all.


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## SFX Group (Aug 28, 2012)

Its a bad idea i think, turns in to a scapegoat.... problems arrise and dont get fixed


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

I like how it is now. He doesn't really know when I watch it and I don't watch it often. I don't know when he watches it and he also doesn't watch it often. I want to keep it that way. I also plan on setting some ground rules. Just because I know he watches it, doesn't mean I want him to watch it whenever. So far, it hasn't been an issue and I want it to stay just like that. Likewise, just because I am willing to watch it once in a while with him, doesn't mean that I want to watch it frequently. The purpose is to add to our sex life, to add variety....not to detract. I absolutely do not want this to be a scapegoat. I don't want to feel like we have to watch porn to have sex. He is very understanding and wouldn't do something if he knew it really bothered me. These are good points to keep in mind, though!


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

My wife and I have watched porn together. We don't watch it anymore. We just kinda stopped. I'm almost certain that if I put a porn on we would watch it together. No big deal really. Never had any issues with it. 

Edit: one of the main reasons we slowed our watching is we live in a small town and the selection really sucks . The stores selections mainly cater to men and are not big on carrying couples porn.


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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

well, there's watching of porn and there's watching of porn.

if you watch it together (and I'm speaking from male perspective here) - it really adds a spice, but you need to choose the porn that you both like, say, I'm not a fan of deepthroat porn, gagging and faces of suffering actually turn me off, but porn where the performers (or actors, but I'm stretching my imagination to the limits while saying that) at least seem to genuinely like it - that's hot. and no, I don't think about the boobs or lips (both sets, for that matter) of that 2D beauty on screen, I can't (couldn't) keep my hands off my wife with all her goodies .

and there's another end of porn I've visited - the porn that one turns to when getting rejected over and over again. this is the territory I can strongly recommend to stay out of. it does a real harm, it deadens the sensations, both physical and emotional, it feeds the feeling of detachment, it's bad - even if the scenes are more or less the same.

so, long story short - I'd say, porn is neutral. it becomes good or bad depending on the motives and the emotional state of a person (or persons) who are watching it. OP - I think, a bit of porn together is just hot. if it does bring out a problem - IMO, the problem was already there, porn just brought it to the surface.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I love watching porn with my partner although we don't do it very often. I find it a bit of a balancing act asking her to watch with me. On one hand it turns me on. On the other I don't want her to think I need to watch porn to get turned on enough to have sex with her. So I suggest it very infrequently and if she doesn't seem keen I drop it. When we do watch it she gets turned on. I get the sense though many women are conditioned to believe there are not supposed to like it.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

MaritimeGuy said:


> I love watching porn with my partner although we don't do it very often. I find it a bit of a balancing act asking her to watch with me. On one hand it turns me on. On the other I don't want her to think I need to watch porn to get turned on enough to have sex with her. So I suggest it very infrequently and if she doesn't seem keen I drop it. When we do watch it she gets turned on. I get the sense though many women are conditioned to believe there are not supposed to like it.


I actually tried it with my husband last night and he was SO nervous LOL. First he didn't want to pick the video and I *know* it is because he didn't want to offend me. I told him as long as it isn't extremely weird, I don't care......girl/girl, girl/guy/guy, guy/girl/girl......whatever lol. Afterwards I asked him if he liked it and he said "the porn wasn't necessary". But I knew he was saying that just to reassure me he didn't need the porn, I was good enough. But I already know that lol. Still it was very sweet that he was so considerate. I know it turned him on and that's why I did it. I watch once in a while but i'm not totally into it. I am totally into turning on my man and I know men are visual creatures and enjoy novel experiences. He had never watched porn with another woman before, let alone watch it and receive oral at the same time. That's what turned me on, knowing I gave him a new experience It's not something we will do all the time but once in a while I might surprise him with it


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Instead of visual porn why don't you try some erotica. There is a very good site with lots of different genres (PM me if you want the name). I printed out two copies of loads of different stories from different genres read them with my wife. We had a 'like' and 'don't like' pile so that we could hint at what turned us on if we were too shy to mention it. It was fun.


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## usman (Aug 29, 2012)

kl84 said:


> It used to bother me that my husband watched porn.... EVEN THOUGH I occasionally watch it, myself. Hypocritical, I know. Over time I have gotten much more secure in our relationship and am ok knowing he watches it once in a while. Last night, I admitted to him that I watched it. He had absolutely no clue. So I tossed around the idea of watching it together....
> 
> But before we go there, just wondering if anyone has tried it and had a bad experience? Any jealousy issues? Did it get out of hand to where it was needed more often than you hoped? I just don't want to open pandora's box here. A few years ago I would have *never* considered this but I guess we are just totally comfortable with each other now and I don't seem to really have any jealousy/insecurity issues..... Thoughts?


Porn addiction is like a fetish. It has nothing to do with satisfaction or dissatisfaction. The point is if a man and woman are enjoying from what they do while having sex, nothing can weak or become barrier between them. But many people watch porn to try new things and for enhanced pleasure. Studies suggest that usually porn addicted people visualize their partner and have a deep desire to try what is shown in porn.
Many people watch porn and get excited. Porn turn their moods on and they have intense sex as well as orgasms.
So give it a try. Define limits to your husband. tell him that you have took this decision only for him so he also have to make sure that you dont get uncomfortable.
In many religions like hinduism, things shown in porn are part of their religious sexual style KAMASUTRA.
So give it a try, watch it with your loved one and enjoy.
Try to do things which you like to do while watching porn. If you need any advice regarding positions or anything else. Contact me.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

kl84 said:


> I actually tried it with my husband last night and he was SO nervous LOL. First he didn't want to pick the video and I *know* it is because he didn't want to offend me. I told him as long as it isn't extremely weird, I don't care......girl/girl, girl/guy/guy, guy/girl/girl......whatever lol.
> 
> It's not something we will do all the time but once in a while I might surprise him with it


Knowing what kind of porn my partner was into would be fascinating to me...kind of an insight to her fantasies. She is very non-commital if I ask her what she likes. I'm not exactly sure what to make of that. Either she's afraid I'll be judgemental of her choice or she's really not that into and doesn't want to think about it. 

My personal thought would be as a couple you would choose things that aren't really possible in the confines of a monogamous relationship to explore them that way. Things like multiple partners...who doesn't fantasize about that?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

kl84 said:


> It used to bother me that my husband watched porn.... EVEN THOUGH I occasionally watch it, myself. Hypocritical, I know. Over time I have gotten much more secure in our relationship and am ok knowing he watches it once in a while. Last night, I admitted to him that I watched it. He had absolutely no clue. So I tossed around the idea of watching it together....
> 
> But before we go there, just wondering if anyone has tried it and had a bad experience? Any jealousy issues? Did it get out of hand to where it was needed more often than you hoped? I just don't want to open pandora's box here. A few years ago I would have *never* considered this but I guess we are just totally comfortable with each other now and I don't seem to really have any jealousy/insecurity issues..... Thoughts?


It's a great idea! If my husband had done this, we'd have never had to go through half the sh!t we've been through because of him lying and sneaking. But he's not sexually open enough to be like that even now. You're one of the lucky ones, and I'm sure if you view together, on agreeable material, no jealousy issues will arrise.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

I watch porn. My wife has never had an objections to it, but I've also never hid it, or asked her permission to "let" me watch it.

She's never really been into it, but during a particularly horny period late last year, that coincided with her doing a lot of travel away from home for work, she started watching it in between our sexual encounters. 

She eventually asked if we could watch it together, and to both our surprise, I said no. I realized, in that moment, that I think of porn as my "guy" thing to do, and I really don't want to "dirty" up my marriage with it. The idea, in thought, seemed hot, but when presented with the possibility I saw that it wasn't a line I wanted to cross. I enjoy that we have a great sex life so far without the need to bring in a tool like porn. I leaves a sense of purity to our sex life that I've come to really embrace.

As far as porn, while I am not like most of TAM, which seems to be very anti-porn, I do think it has some adverse effects. I'm not addicted to it, and typically go several weeks at a time without watching it. But sometimes if I've been watching it a bit too much, it absolutely does dull the senses a bit. If I feel I'm going overboard with the porn/masturbation, I abstain, and I can definitely feel an increase in penile sensitivity, and attraction to my wife. Also waiting on her for my sexual needs, and not relying on my hand, or a visual, adds a nice sexual tension back to our relationship and makes the encounters more vibrant and electric for me.

So yes, I would proceed with caution. Depending on the marriage it could be a spice. But there is definitely an underbelly that you want to be careful about. Make sure, for both of you, the porn is a fringe tool, and does not become the main event.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

jaquen said:


> But sometimes if I've been watching it a bit too much, it absolutely does dull the senses a bit. If I feel I'm going overboard with the porn/masturbation, I abstain, and I can definitely feel an increase in penile sensitivity, and attraction to my wife. Also waiting on her for my sexual needs, and not relying on my hand, or a visual, adds a nice sexual tension back to our relationship and makes the encounters more vibrant and electric for me.


Sounds like a good enough reason to permanently abstain to me.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

momtwo4 said:


> Sounds like a good enough reason to permanently abstain to me.


Then you should abstain.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

never used porn as a serious fire starter in any relationships.I can't take porn seriously.I've tried and I can't! I laugh through the whole thing.if the people were actually convincing I could definitely get into it but as is,I find it hysterically funny.

I have looked at porn pictures with partners before and that was sexy and a big turn on.

I'm fine with porn as long as it's in the open and not treated as a dirty little secret.


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## momtwo4 (May 23, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Then you should abstain.


For the reasons you indicated above (and more) my husband and I HAVE both chosen to abstain.


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## cloudwithleggs (Oct 13, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> never used porn as a serious fire starter in any relationships.I can't take porn seriously.I've tried and I can't! I laugh through the whole thing.if the people were actually convincing I could definitely get into it but as is,I find it hysterically funny.


90% is rubbish, but you have to wade through it to get to the sublime 10% 

My estranged was very uncomfortable with me watching porn and watching together he didn't like.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

kl84 said:


> I actually tried it with my husband last night and he was SO nervous LOL. First he didn't want to pick the video and I *know* it is because he didn't want to offend me. I told him as long as it isn't extremely weird, I don't care......girl/girl, girl/guy/guy, guy/girl/girl......whatever lol. Afterwards I asked him if he liked it and he said "the porn wasn't necessary". But I knew he was saying that just to reassure me he didn't need the porn, I was good enough. But I already know that lol. Still it was very sweet that he was so considerate. I know it turned him on and that's why I did it. I watch once in a while but i'm not totally into it. I am totally into turning on my man and I know men are visual creatures and enjoy novel experiences. He had never watched porn with another woman before, let alone watch it and receive oral at the same time. That's what turned me on, knowing I gave him a new experience It's not something we will do all the time but once in a while I might surprise him with it


Good on you. Really. You "get" (understand) your man. And because of that, you've opened up to him in a way no other woman has. I will repeat that...the way *no other woman has*. How does that feel? To be the only one? 

And just the fact it turned him on turned you on says a lot. He was trying to be considerate in telling you "the porn wasn't necessary". And it likely and very much was not "necessary". BUT, it is different, and it is fun. And more than that it is EXCITING. So incredibly exciting to "cross that taboo line" with someone who "gets us" and does not judge us. 

You, lady, keep this up, and you are likely headed for very good things in your sexual relationship with your husband. You sound confident and secure. That is a turn on. A HUGE turn on. And tremendously attractive. When you can display that by genuinely wanting to do these types of things for us, and being open to new things even though the prevailing thought of MOST women is "I'm not enough for him", well, you're cementing yourself as one of the few who "gets us" as men. And are confident enough, secure enough, and self aware enough to not let it get to you. And THAT, at least in me, creates attraction and appreciation that is "off the charts".

Good job.


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

Okay, so you worry about porn. The porn thing is at least tangible, and you can see what it is.

That said, do you REALLY want him using his "imagination" to replace this pretty bland and same-old-script stuff?

You can stop a guy from viewing porn, but you can't stop him from using his imagination.


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

kl84 said:


> . Last night, I admitted to him that I watched it. He had absolutely no clue. So I tossed around the idea of watching it together....
> 
> But before we go there, just wondering if anyone has tried it and had a bad experience? Any jealousy issues? Did it get out of hand to where it was needed more often than you hoped? \


My ex and I watched some porn together back in the day when VCRs were first introduced. She had an a very contradictory experience with it, something that puzzles me but which may not be uncommon.

She was extremely turned on, and we had a great time together. We did that a few times, then she suddenly started to say things like "I'm getting TOO turned on, it's unnatural," and then she refused, and began to criticize me for watching it. Eventually she started to complain that porn was setting expectations for experiences that were unrealistic: body part sizes, frequency of occurrences, the subservience of women, etc, etc. I can intellectualize these objections, but still enjoy porn that is not overtly cruel, or if it's something obviously being forced on participants. (as some politician once said about porn, "I can't define it, but I know it when I see it." Some porn is disgusting, not as much for the acts themselves, but for the way the participants seem to be doing stuff under duress. There is a not-so-fine line between visual fantasy and the darker side of the stuff floating around out there. ) 

She also had similar experiences when we tried things like sex toys, marijuana, and light bondage. She kept saying that it was just "wrong" even though she had toe curling fun doing it.

We divorced many years later, and I found porn to be my only savior in a loveless marriage. If there was anything "wrong" with porn, it was that it satisfied my physical urges enough to stay put in a loveless marriage.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

OhhShiney said:


> Eventually she started to complain that porn was setting expectations for experiences that were unrealistic: body part sizes, frequency of occurrences, the subservience of women, etc, etc.


I felt the same way when him and I first got together. I found out he was watching porn and instantly got offended. I felt I must not be pretty enough, freaky enough, didn't turn him on, etc.... It stirred up all sorts of crazy feelings like, those were the kind of girls he wanted......

But then I thought about why *I* watched porn. No, don't watch it often....but once in a while. 

It's like this: If I am watching a family movie withe the hubs and kids, does it mean I have unrealistic expectations of what my family should be like? When I watch a sappy chick flick, am I foolish enough to think stuff like that *really* happens in real life? The guy says all of the right things at exactly the right time, has an ungodly amazing body, the woman looks like a freaking porcelain doll......yeah right. LOL. No, our lives can't be as fast paced and exciting as a Mel Gibson movie.....and they can't be as comical as a Will Ferrel or Adam Sandler movie, either. We watch movies for the thrill they give us, the escape from everyday life....

Porn is no different. It's an escape from reality. It's "sexual" entertainment. Sometimes I want to laugh, I watch a comedy. Sometimes I want some action, I watch an action movie. Scary movies. Love stories. You get it. It's just an escape from reality. I feel like as long as you have a clear idea of what's real and what's not, realistic expectations vs. unrealistic expectations.....it's harmless. 

With that said, I still wouldn't want to know when my husband is watching it LOL. I know he watches it, just don't need to know all the details. I am comfortable with the way it is now. It never interferes with us, I don't have to deal with it, and if I feel like bringing something different to the bedroom, I can watch it with him knowing full well he is not expecting me to be some porn star LOL. Come on, i'm 7 months preggo and look like a mammoth lol and he's still turned on by me. I'm comfortable with our situation.


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## SFX Group (Aug 28, 2012)

OhhShiney said:


> We divorced many years later, and I found porn to be my only savior in a loveless marriage. If there was anything "wrong" with porn, it was that it satisfied my physical urges enough to stay put in a loveless marriage.


I agree with the above statement.

If she found it odd then it sounds like she enjoyed it to much, meaning she got more turned on watching the porn that doing sex with you, so to stop that she stopped watching it....


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

kl84 said:


> It used to bother me that my husband watched porn.... EVEN THOUGH I occasionally watch it, myself. Hypocritical, I know. Over time I have gotten much more secure in our relationship and am ok knowing he watches it once in a while. Last night, I admitted to him that I watched it. He had absolutely no clue. So I tossed around the idea of watching it together....
> 
> But before we go there, just wondering if anyone has tried it and had a bad experience? Any jealousy issues? Did it get out of hand to where it was needed more often than you hoped? I just don't want to open pandora's box here. A few years ago I would have *never* considered this but I guess we are just totally comfortable with each other now and I don't seem to really have any jealousy/insecurity issues..... Thoughts?


Me & mine have zero insecurity /comparing issues with this, but we have been together a lifetime ... even back in the day- I don't think I would have felt that way though -I was just against it for "moral reasons" solely, I never felt he had eyes for another. My husband has never made me feel jealous over another woman. 

I have found a little porn watching to be very very spicy for our sex lives, I would even go as far as to say I enjoyed it more than him....he would lay beside me real close while I am on my stomach, his face next to me ...very close ...watching my facial expressions while I was watching IT.... He told me he loved seeing me get turned on like that.....

We rented it for a time... I liked PlayGirl dvd's and romantic porn (not the easiest to find -but I sure tried!)... and he likes SOLO women...PlayBoy, Andrew Blake Dvd's... I don't mind what he sets his eyes on, I will just slip under the covers and let him enjoy...enjoy...enjoy. 

We never watch it without each other, we have little desire too. It's just our way..and it's never been a situation where it gets more "demanding" or our desire / craving for each other has been dependent on setting our eyes it something over each other... not at all. 

We quit renting about a year ago ... we are still going strong.


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## Rags (Aug 2, 2010)

We don't have porn, per se - but we do have some educational videos which are explicit. We only watch them together (and only rarely.)

The very small amount of porn-type material (on an ostenably educational dvd) was so unrealistic, it was off-putting (that much saliva? really? and those odd sounds? nahh ...)

I enjoy my wife being turned on (as she does me), but we usually just use eachother for that (and an occasional fantasy.)

The risks of porn are quite high, I understand - it can be addictive, and can substitute for time with your spouse - so we tend to avoid it.

If its something you do together, I can't see that it woud be so bad.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

I see porn as having no placing in a healthy sexual relationship.

I don't believe you are insecure for not liking porn, in fact I am secure enough to state how I feel and have good boundaries, many insecure women won't do that.

If you are not getting what you need from your relationship, don't mask it with porn. Find out why you are not getting it or if what you want is realistic or even healthy.

I see porn as using other people for sex. No you don't actually have sex with them, but in your mind you do. 

I think porn comes between people, as sex is supposed to be the thing that is just between the two of you, and I don't believe that adding other women or men even via porn helps strengthen your relationship.

Also when we orgasm it releases oxytocin and helps us bond with our partners and helps us keep the in love feeling, however whenever we orgasm over other people this reduces the good feelings we have for our spouse and increases the good feeling for other (strangers). 

Porn also can create unrealistic standards and many studies have shown that porn use does make many men believe their partners are less attractive, because of the endless stream of barely legal unrealistic women and standard in the average porn. It also leaves many women feeling that their sex life isn't up to par and that they can't compare. 

Not to mention that the porn industry is full of problems, women are exploited, and alot of the women are very young or even underage, drug addicted, from low socio economic areas etc..

Some Men use the excuse that they need variety, well many women feel the same, way and new people are exciting, but there is nothing like concentrating on your partner and keeping that relationship exciting rather then using excuses to turn to and involve others.

I prefer to indulge in fantasies that are healthy and bring us together. Ones that don't involve other people.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Ive watched porn twice in 27 years with my wife. The first time it was erotic I suppose the vid was grl/mle loads of load groaning and false face expressions with the girl pouting lips and getting in positions which required hospitalisation after. My wife whi does have a great sense of humor made some smart *** comments and the who thing turned into more of a laugh with a range of comments from both of us. 
The second time I asked if she wanted to watch and as we did she was a little turned on - we didnt see the end of the movie and didnt bother again after. I spoke to her and her comments were fair. She found it a little upsetting as its all acting of the worse kind, things that were happening were not close to real life but to far away from the reality. So we didnt watch it again. She has never said and I dont want you watch it - I just didnt bother, more from respect of her feelings than anything. However sometime ago we watch a drama on TV (standard channel not adult channels) about Lady Chaterlys Lover. Old story and well acted but at the end after some of the quite erotic scenes my wife was clearly flushed and receptive to some love making. I suppose the outcome of this is simple. It does depend on what is being watched and if BOTH parties are happey then watch the level your happy with wheather its erotica to hard porn. Its when these "movies" replace the physical act of intimacy that issues start.


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## KathyGriffinFan (Apr 4, 2011)

I say have at it. Everything in life that's done in excess is dangerous, but in moderation it can be okay. 

I'm sure people will have various "moral" takes on it, but it's about what's right for you and your honey.

My H and I watched porn, maybe 1x a month, for a few years. I don't think we've watched it in a few months. Prior to watching it, we discussed the limitations and that I would prefer him to watch it with me. He understands that and I've never found him lying about it and watching something by himself.

Simply, it's a turn on to see him turned on :smthumbup:


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## Taurus (Aug 23, 2012)

I don't think you need to be threatened by it. In fact, I think you need to find out what he's looking for. If he's not watching it, he's going to fantasize during sex or masturbating and you will never know who he's thinking about. So, don't be threatened by an actress and don't wake up 80 years old and find out that feet drove him crazy all those years!


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

My STBXWW and I used to watch it together occasionally years ago. I didn't feel it was detrimental to our relationship. To me, it was just entertainment and it spiced things up a little. Some of it was more comedic relief then a turn on. It was fun for us. We would mix some drinks, climb into bed, watch and play with each other. I don't think it added to any insecurities. I am secure with my body...I do work out to stay in shape. She has always been a little insecure with hers so I would worship her body and complimented her. Also, I don't think, at any time, did porn cause me to me objectify her which is always what you hear as a negative side effect. I always wanted only her. It did not make me want other women either. I do not know what effect it had on her. She seemed to enjoy watching the girl-girl stuff more anyway.

I discovered that she was watching it when I was at work from time to time and enjoying herself with some of her toys. I didn't really bother me...in fact it turned me on to think about what she would do when I wasn't there. That was when she still desired me and our sex life was good, reciprocal and exclusive. Sometimes she would even take pictures and leave them on the computer for me to enjoy later...things were good then. This was just a phase we went through and it faded away with time...she lost interest, or so I thought.

After discovering her affair years later I also found out that she was watching porn again and discussing it with her OM. They were even sharing favorite porn sites. So what was fun for us...became fun for them.

So now watching porn is a trigger for me. I don't think porn had much to do with her affair...that was selfishness and internal issues. However, I do think it helped feed their fantasy of the affair.


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## HuggyBear (Aug 4, 2012)

*LittleDeer* said:


> ...I see porn as using other people for sex. No you don't actually have sex with them, but in your mind you do.


Well, maybe that's YOUR psychology... lets us know how YOU think... 



*LittleDeer* said:


> Also when we orgasm it releases oxytocin and helps us bond with our partners and helps us keep the in love feeling, however whenever we orgasm over other people this reduces the good feelings we have for our spouse and increases the good feeling for other (strangers).


So, if a couple view porn, then have sex, they're somehow "not together" in your book? Even if they both wanted to view it?



*LittleDeer* said:


> Porn also can create unrealistic standards and many studies have shown that porn use does make many men believe their partners are less attractive, because of the endless stream of barely legal unrealistic women and standard in the average porn. It also leaves many women feeling that their sex life isn't up to par and that they can't compare.


You haven't seen (much) porn, have you? It seems that the "barely legal unrealistic women" are hardly the norm. Men actually PREFER to see "normal" lady-next-door types in porn than little girls. There's plenty of "otherwise" porn that proves you wrong. 



*LittleDeer* said:


> Not to mention that the porn industry is full of problems, women are exploited, and alot of the women are very young or even underage, drug addicted, from low socio economic areas etc..


No, underage girls are CHILD PORN, and very much illegal and immoral. Drug addicted? ...or just drug users? I'll admit, porn pays little, but it's really like an "infomercial" for prostitution these days... very LUCRATIVE prostitution. But that's NOT what you're seeing when you view porn. It's just a movie.

I hope your concern about the welfare of other people extends towards your use of fossil fuels, imported goods, and other relevant issues surrounding your standard of living, otherwise, it's deeply hypocritical



*LittleDeer* said:


> Some Men use the excuse that they need variety, well many women feel the same, way and new people are exciting, but there is nothing like concentrating on your partner and keeping that relationship exciting rather then using excuses to turn to and involve others.


For the most part, very few women want variety... most "normal" women want stability and security. Viewing porn doesn't "involve others." That's what swingers, etc., do. Porn rarely leads to such behavior.



*LittleDeer* said:


> I prefer to indulge in fantasies that are healthy and bring us together. Ones that don't involve other people.


At least you admit that everything you wrote is merely opinion... I wipe my opinion before I flush, and never try to pass it off as "information".


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## Aggie (Sep 5, 2012)

kl84 said:


> It used to bother me that my husband watched porn.... EVEN THOUGH I occasionally watch it, myself. Hypocritical, I know. Over time I have gotten much more secure in our relationship and am ok knowing he watches it once in a while. Last night, I admitted to him that I watched it. He had absolutely no clue. So I tossed around the idea of watching it together....
> 
> But before we go there, just wondering if anyone has tried it and had a bad experience? Any jealousy issues? Did it get out of hand to where it was needed more often than you hoped? I just don't want to open pandora's box here. A few years ago I would have *never* considered this but I guess we are just totally comfortable with each other now and I don't seem to really have any jealousy/insecurity issues..... Thoughts?


My wife and I decided to watch porn together a few years ago. One of the biggest things for us was trying to find the right porn to watch. Neither of us really watched porn very much before. It turns out that it takes more time than you would think searching for the right videos to watch. If you are going to do it, look for the videos in the "female-friendly" genre.

We didn't have any jealousy issues with it. We just promised each other that we wouldn't be watching it while not together.


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## Pault (Aug 15, 2012)

Originally Posted by *LittleDeer*
Also when we orgasm it releases oxytocin and helps us bond with our partners and helps us keep the in love feeling said:


> Sounds like a cheaters night on facebook!!!!!!!:lol:


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## imhiswife (Sep 7, 2012)

This can be a fun activity if used in moderation, and you choose a type of porn you both can enjoy. It's better as an occasional activity rather than a regular one. If at any time, you feel uncomfortable just let him know. Remember that watching porn together while having sex is just a way to mutually visualize a fantasy and nothing more. Give it a whirl if you're both into it and see how you like it. If you don't then just don't do it again! (this is if you both have no moral objections to porn)


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

My husband and I both watch porn together. It can be a mood enhancer. It does not have to be used all the time. If both of you enjoy watching then you just need to agree on a movie. And enjoy.


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## Henry (Nov 20, 2007)

I think it's a great idea watching porn together. You will probably never watch all the movie.

What is also fun is having mirrors in the bedroom. The first time we made love in our new house in the daytime I looked over at the mirrored closet doors and promptly lost it. LOL Wife said 'That wa sfast" I did not tell her why. My little secret.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Be careful.

Very few good things can come from this road.


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## tjohnson (Mar 10, 2010)

kl84 said:


> I actually tried it with my husband last night and he was SO nervous LOL. First he didn't want to pick the video and I *know* it is because he didn't want to offend me. I told him as long as it isn't extremely weird, I don't care......girl/girl, girl/guy/guy, guy/girl/girl......whatever lol. Afterwards I asked him if he liked it and he said "the porn wasn't necessary". But I knew he was saying that just to reassure me he didn't need the porn, I was good enough. But I already know that lol. Still it was very sweet that he was so considerate. I know it turned him on and that's why I did it. I watch once in a while but i'm not totally into it. I am totally into turning on my man and I know men are visual creatures and enjoy novel experiences. He had never watched porn with another woman before, let alone watch it and receive oral at the same time. That's what turned me on, knowing I gave him a new experience It's not something we will do all the time but once in a while I might surprise him with it





OMG you are an UBERWIFE!!! Kudos to you for doing this for your H. I think many women would be bothered to have their man climax while looking at another women It is so funny how different men and women are on this one. I mean if my wife wanted to watch hunky men, porn or whatever while I went down on her/had sex or whatever I would do it. Good for you for giving your H this gift.


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## Josselyn (Sep 10, 2012)

My husband and i used it as a tool to help enhance the mood, but we both wanted it off before getting to it. It helps if both in the right frame of mind and no jealousy issues because they are just actors on a movie (well, really bad movie lol)


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