# Need advice - thinking about leaving my husband



## martine (Jul 27, 2011)

Hello, I am new here and needed some advice because I have no one else to talk to and I don't know if i'm overreacting. I am considering leaving my husband because I feel that since we got married he takes me for granted. 

We have been together for a little over 5 years and are recently married (9 months ago). The things are are upsetting me are all the small things; he's stop cleaning up after himself and just expects me to do it. He never shows me any courtesy or that he wants me around, if we walk somewhere he always walks faster and a few paces ahead rather than next to me. He never opens the door for me but does for his colleague, who he has admitted he thought was very attractive. In general I don't mind that he doesn't open the door for me but a lot of times he lets it shut right behind him even tho I'm there or makes me open it for him, I wouldn't mind this so much but the fact that he opens it for his colleague that i;m sure he's attracted to really upsets me. 

He spends a lot of time working and hardly ever gives me any attention and when I bring this up he says that work is more important to him and that I should accept that he is working for 2 people because i'm not working. We are expats and I have been unable to find a job, which makes me think this is more unfair to me because I am there letting my degree go to waste because he was given a good opportunity to grow there.

He tells me he loves me all the time, but he never shows it, and to make matters worse we almost never have sex and are never very intimate. But at this point I hate having sex with him anyway because I don't feel loved and desired in our relationship, which makes me not want sex with him. 

He never wants me to join him on business trips even tho many of the other people bring their partners along. Last year when he was on a business trip I found a blonde hair in his underpants, he said it probably got picked up off the floor. He says he doesn't want me on business trips because he thinks i want to monitor him, i believe him when he says this, but he's never actually given it a chance until now, when he reluctantly accepted I come along after a big fight about it. 

We have talked about this several times but nothing has changed, I have told him many times I want him to show he cares and appreciates me, every time we fight about it he just gets angry at me and ignores me and turns me into the bad guy, because of my insecurities, so I end up feeling guilty and apologizing, he tells me it's in my head and that he cares about me and we make up and then fight about it again because things never actually change.

I don't know if i'm blowing things out of proportion, should I just take his word for it? I am a very insecure person in general and he knows this, right now it's really driving me crazy that he opened the door for his colleague and never does that for me. He also constantly looks at her, when she is around, even if we are talking he will always glance in her direction. He always sends her texts, even really late ones. On his last business trip he sent her a text at 12am to let her know he had arrived at the hotel, this is all sorts of inappropriate to me. 

The worst thing is that we are having a fight about him opening the door for her right now while he's on his business trip that he didn't want to bring me on, so his fears were correct, but if he showed he cared about me more often it wouldn't be a problem that he opened the door for her, he doesn't get why i'm upset about it. 

Maybe i'm the jerk here, and I feel bad for upsetting him because I love him so much and he is a really good person, but I really feel unwanted and unloved a lot of the time. Does anyone have any advice? Please help!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Can I ask why you married him? 

What do you like about him? 

How long did you date before getting married?


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## ClipClop (Apr 28, 2011)

Sounds like he is cheating regularly not just on trips. Leave him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## martine (Jul 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Can I ask why you married him?
> 
> What do you like about him?
> 
> How long did you date before getting married?


We were dating for about 4.5 years before we got married. I married him because I love him and because we were very compatible and had fun together, we like the same things, most the time we get along well, but the things we fight about are always the same, we just can't seem to solve them. I know he cares about me I just don't know if he really wants to be with me. 

I like most things about him, he is a really good person and he's funny and he cares about people. Right now I am so upset that I can't really think about what I like, mostly I'm just trying to think about whether I should leave him or not.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Is counseling possible? I suggest that.


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## martine (Jul 27, 2011)

that_girl said:


> Is counseling possible? I suggest that.


He agreed to see a counsellor with me, but we haven't got to my trust issues with him yet.


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## Daniyah (Jul 10, 2011)

It sounds like hes having an affair (physical and probably emotional) with that hot coworker. The signs are: constant textes, hair strand in pants, wifeless business trips, frequent glances, etc). Theres no need to text a coworker, or any person of the opposite sex at midnight, it can wait till the morning. The fact that you found a hair strand in his underpants but didnt mention an affair as an option really mind boggles me. Unless you're blonde and you two JUST had sex, thats a red flag.

Affection is a must in a relationship. Just saying you love someone isnt enough. He needs to show you he loves you on a daily basis. A relationship isnt just about sex. Theres also hugs, kisses, holding, touching caressing, cuddling, and so on. If all that is lacking AND theres signs of adultry, you have a bigger issue than him not opening the door for you.

My husband opens all doors for me, car, restaurant, mall, etc. Its not in a man's nature to be like this. But as women, we need to express our worth. You need to let him know he needs to open the door for you and he needs to respect, love, cherish, and appreciate you. He doesnt appreciate you because you dont know your own worth. Insecurities or not, you need to stand up for yourself and demand your worth. 

Find out if hes cheating first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

Is his colleagues hair blonde?


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