# Still Can't Forget & Getting Worse!



## Granny7

Hi to everyone,

I've been on this helpful site for a long time. I'm back again, still having trouble. I'm sure most of you will remember me, Granny7.

I wish I could say things were better, but they aren't. We've moved to another state, N. Carolina, from our home of 47 yrs. in Fl. to the Carolina's to be by our youngest daughter and 3 granddaughters.

Now the daughter that we moved to be close to and wanted us to move to Charlotte, has decide that she wanted to live by her 2 oldest daughter's, one 23 and the other one, 27. So, we are sitting here by ourself, left our other family in Fl. to start a happy family life and it hasn't turned out the way we expected. Now, I'm depressed as I want to move back home, but my lovely husband doesn't want to.

We would have never moved if we had thought it would be different with this move, as it was a major one. So all my free time has helped me to focus on why I don't like it here, nor love my husband and realize all the lies that my husband has told. We are both miserable, but I am also depressed and the Panic Attacks have come back. I was pretty happy at first, but even before our daughter moved (who assured us that she would never move) Based on that, seeing our granddaughter's and my Son was suppose to move here also.

I just want to go back home. But we bought a beautiful home, paid cash for it but I'm just not happy here. 

My husband doesn't realize how bad it's become with me. I don't want to discuss it with him as it will cause trouble again and he will say the same thing. I couldn't sleep tonight, as sometimes it's harder to sleep with him. So I don't know where to go from here? If I move home by myself, then my grandson's and granddaughter's will want to know why? None of the grandchildren know about what he did, as they were not born when it happened, so they are very close to him and me also. I would be mortified if they find out.

So my options are so limited. Sorry this is so long, just filling ya'll in since I haven't been in here since April. Thanks so much for listening. If you have any suggestions that will help me?

Thanks, Granny7


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## OnTheFly

Was your husband opposed to moving to NC?


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## minimalME

If it were me, I'd contact an attorney to see what my options are. Even if you decide to do nothing, you'd have answers.

I did a quick search, and it seems that one spouse can buy a property, but it takes both to sell in NC.

Are you on the deed? Can you afford to live separately?

I don't know that you can force him to sell without it being part of a divorce. And I would say live separately, but you don't want to 'abandon' the property, which might or might not cause problems for you.

Personally, I wouldn't live out the last part of my life in misery, but I also wouldn't follow my children around the US - except for short visits. But that's just me.


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## Granny7

Granny7 said:


> Hi to everyone,
> 
> I've been on this helpful site for a long time. I'm back again, still having trouble. I'm sure most of you will remember me, Granny7.
> 
> I wish I could say things were better, but they aren't. We've moved to another state, N. Carolina, from our home of 47 yrs. in Fl. to the Carolina's to be by our youngest daughter and 3 granddaughters.
> 
> Now the daughter that we moved to be close to and wanted us to move to Charlotte, has decide that she wanted to live by her 2 oldest daughter's, one 23 and the other one, 27. So, we are sitting here by ourself, left our other family in Fl. to start a happy family life and it hasn't turned out the way we expected. Now, I'm depressed as I want to move back home, but my lovely husband doesn't want to.
> 
> We would have never moved if we had thought it would be different with this move, as it was a major one. So all my free time has helped me to focus on why I don't like it here, nor love my husband and realize all the lies that my husband has told. We are both miserable, but I am also depressed and the Panic Attacks have come back. I was pretty happy at first, but even before our daughter moved (who assured us that she would never move) Based on that, seeing our granddaughter's and my Son was suppose to move here also.
> 
> I just want to go back home. But we bought a beautiful home, paid cash for it but I'm just not happy here.
> 
> My husband doesn't realize how bad it's become with me. I don't want to discuss it with him as it will cause trouble again and he will say the same thing. I couldn't sleep tonight, as sometimes it's harder to sleep with him. So I don't know where to go from here? If I move home by myself, then my grandson's and granddaughter's will want to know why? None of the grandchildren know about what he did, as they were not born when it happened, so they are very close to him and me also. I would be mortified if they find out.
> 
> So my options are so limited. Sorry this is so long, just filling ya'll in since I haven't been in here since April. Thanks so much for listening. If you have any suggestions that will help me?
> 
> Thanks, Granny7


Will have to answer later today. Have an appointment.
Thanks, Granny7


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## 3Xnocharm

So where did your daughter move to? Is she still driving distance in NC? That was a really crappy thing for her to do, if I may say. I am sorry you are still so unhappy, yes I do remember your posts from the past. 

My advice? Do what makes YOU happy. Time is limited, and I feel you owe it to yourself to find happiness for yourself before its too late.


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## MattMatt

Why did she leave you in the lurch?

Have you told her how she made you feel?

Are you getting mental health support?


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## Tilted 1

Interesting that you would depend so much leaning on your children. I would not rely on them but focus more on each other in the latter years that one has left. Maybe ask your husband again but was it you that demanded the move? And up rooted your spouse, if so it is selfish on your part to be indulge time after time.

And you don't love your husband, l know forgiveness can occur, but the forgetting does not. As it should be. But for 30 yrs you have misled your husband then and really did not forgive him, you should have let him go then. But as l don't know your whole story, why are you throwing this in his face again? When possibly another indulgence by you is not met then it gets brought up yet again, to be thrown so freely.

As l am looking from the outside I see you as abusing your husband yet again for his past infidelity, to have your indulgence met. It boggles the mind that age doesn't matter when one should have learned from our past. I am not that far from your age but.

"l made my bed and l have to lay in it"

If there was something I could or should have done it's almost too late and let well enough alone. And if l bring up my hurts from my spouse and continually throw at her when I don't get my way. Maybe l wasn't good enough for her in the first place. 

A time for getting off the pot is here, do what you are wanting and spare your husband the grief, of the years he has left. And don't think your adult children and grandchildren won't know or figure out how and what you did to there Grandpa. 

Get off the fence and spare him. As you have said "you don't love him" why should you care, you haven't for over 30 years. It seems you use it as a trump card. 

Tilted 1


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## Granny7

Thanks Matt


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## Granny7

OnTheFly said:


> Was your husband opposed to moving to NC?


No Matt,

We were both for it, in hopes that we would have more family to see and interact with. We didn't have that in Fl., with our oldest daughter being 15 minutes from our home. She never just dropped by and so many times didn't invite us to her home to watch football games, etc., when our 3 grandson's would be there. We got along great with them, but our daughter is very judgmental and our son-in-law doesn't say much and never has. Both son-in-laws are like that. Only our son's wife, Evelyn is very nice, helpful and non-judgmental. 

If we aren't doing everything, especially me, that they expect me to be doing, then they judge me and make comments or don't do or say things to us. Don't invite us over and it's sad. Thats why we decided to move to the Carolina's next to our youngest daughter as she promised it wouldn't be like that when we moved here. Unfortunately, it turned out the same way. Can't blame the one granddaughter for that as she is in her internship right now for General Surgery. But they all live in the same town, daughter, son-in-law and 3 granddaughters, who we moved up here to be around. So we never hear from any of them, except our daughter, by text maybe every other week. Very sad!

Blessings, Granny7


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## Casual Observer

Granny7 said:


> No Matt,
> 
> We were both for it, in hopes that we would have more family to see and interact with. We didn't have that in Fl., with our oldest daughter being 15 minutes from our home. She never just dropped by and so many times didn't invite us to her home to watch football games, etc., when our 3 grandson's would be there. We got along great with them, but our daughter is very judgmental and our son-in-law doesn't say much and never has. Both son-in-laws are like that. Only our son's wife, Evelyn is very nice, helpful and non-judgmental.
> 
> If we aren't doing everything, especially me, that they expect me to be doing, then they judge me and make comments or don't do or say things to us. Don't invite us over and it's sad. Thats why we decided to move to the Carolina's next to our youngest daughter as she promised it wouldn't be like that when we moved here. Unfortunately, it turned out the same way. Can't blame the one granddaughter for that as she is in her internship right now for General Surgery. But they all live in the same town, daughter, son-in-law and 3 granddaughters, who we moved up here to be around. So we never hear from any of them, except our daughter, by text maybe every other week. Very sad!
> 
> Blessings, Granny7


Fortunately or unfortunately, the only person truly in control of what makes you happy is staring back at you in the mirror. If you haven't had counseling yet, I'd get moving in that direction... fast. You need to figure out how to live your life happily no matter what your kids do. Your very dependence on them may be part of the issue. They may want to visit a happier, more self-reliant Granny.


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## Granny7

No, he was all for it. We didn't see our oldest daughter in Tampa much either, only on special occasions, along with our 3 grandson's. They all have high and demanding jobs with they love doing. That was one of the reason's we moved to the Carolina's. It turned out the same here. The 3 girls, at least 2 of them were off to med. school and one in high school, so we didn't see much of them either. I am so miserable here and I don't know of a solution.
Thanks, Granny7


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## Tilted 1

Granny, l think that because of the PTSD, you have you should do this it's called EDMR, therapy it maybe just the ticket. And ground you that it may allow you to do the hard choices you need to do. It is not just for combat vets, but the trauma that you experiencing. I did read your other post, and my first post here was only off of what you wrote. Best and warm wishes for you. 

Tilted
https://www.emdr.com/what-is-emdr/


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## Diana7

I have moved house several times and we are about to move to the 5th county we have lived in here in the UK. The thing is that we cant rely on our children to make us happy or be our whole lives. I do think that your daughter acted terribly and very selfishly in wanting you to move near her and then moving away, but they all have their own lives to lead in the end and aren't responsible for keeping us happy all the time. 

The secret to feeling settled and happy is to make the effort yourself to have a life of you own there. Join groups, find a good church, join a choir, take up hobbies, make friends. There are so many things we can do now, and with the internet we can research all the things that go on in our area. I am already researching things I can go to in the place we hope to move to, and we wont be there for months yet. 

So take responsibility for your life and get out there and have fun.


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