# Elopement?



## DobermanLove (Aug 19, 2013)

I REALLY want to elope, but my fiance wants a small ceremony. I am trying to compromise by I would rather not spend money and time making a small ceremony when we can legally marry and have a ceremony down the line.

I am not fond of my in laws and would prefer to stay as far away as possible from them on the day of our marriage. In addition my mother isn't fond of my fiance or his family...plus thinking about planning a ceremony makes me tense and stressed.

Have any of you ever eloped and why?


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Sounds like your off to a crummy start right out of the starting gate. 

You do realize that sooner or later, you and he are going to have to coexist with both sides of the family so maybe you and he better think this over. 

There's a solution to every problem and burying your heads in the sand will not make it go away so maybe the both of you should try to make an effort to smooth over whatever problems you two have with your respected families. Good luck to both of you


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

IMO, you are in for a tough row in your marriage.

Too much friction...

I'd take a step back and think things over. 

PS. Do NOT marry out of spite. You are doomed to misery and failure.


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## DobermanLove (Aug 19, 2013)

I guess I have to ask out of curiosity why would I HAVE to co exist with his family? Neither sides of our family pay our bills, we are adults who would like to get along with one another's families but it's not a deal breaker for either of us. Marriage is a union between two people not our extended families. I'm not marrying out of spite...I'm not sure where I indicated that. I want to marry my fiance because I love him, because we support one another, we are one another's best friends and confidence, we have everything in common and are dedicated. 

Thank you for your replies but I wasn't asking for help with my inlaws...


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

I wanted to elope and just get it done. Scratch that. I didn't even want to get MARRIED. My husband then boyfriend brought me around. It took about 2 years. 

Sure, it is YOUR wedding day but it is also HIS. There is no compromise? Like a short and sweet ceremony in a beautiful park? There would be no formal dinner in which you have to make conversation or spend time with in-laws. 

But I will say, starting off your marriage with neither family liking your spouse speaks of the bumpy times you will have in the future. I dislike one of my husband's close relatives. We live an hour away and holidays and birthdays are TORTURE because I can't invite mom and dad and not this particular relative.


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## DobermanLove (Aug 19, 2013)

I mentioned would be willing to have a ceremony late down the line, that is the compromise. So ash did you end up eloping?


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## AnnieAsh (Aug 22, 2012)

DobermanLove said:


> I mentioned would be willing to have a ceremony late down the line, that is the compromise. So ash did you end up eloping?


No. I REALLY wanted to lol. Planning a wedding seemed like an impossible task. But the wedding was really a chance for our families to celebrate and recognize Annie and J becoming their own family. 

I did keep it very simple and found vendors who kept is VERY simple for me. Simple foods, flowers, dress, and cake like I wanted.
J got the wedding and 100 family members there like HE wanted.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

We eloped. Couldn't stand my parents, his didn't care one way or the other, I'm frugal and introverted. A wedding sounded fun for about 5 minutes then I got a headache. LOL Married 22 years now and have no regrets. 

All I wanted was pictures so what we did was after the fact we dressed up and had professional pictures done.


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## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

My H and I married on a tropical island, just the two of us. A month after we got back, we had a big party with our friends and family, wore our wedding clothes, displayed our wedding pictures and everyone had a great time. It was completely stress-free and perfect - I wouldn't have done it any other way. 

So maybe you could do something similar - have the ceremony for just the two of you and plan a celebration party for your friends and family a week or two later so you and your fiance can both get what you want.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

We eloped, too! Mostly just because we wanted to spend our entire budget on a honeymoon rather than a ceremony. So we took a 3 week vacation in paradise and had a local marry us on a beach. Far more beautiful than a church! Our families didn't mind, this was a second wedding for us both, so there was no pressure to have a wedding "for them". They were all just happy for us, and I was totally happy with the decision to spend the money on ourselves.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

My wife and i eloped just like both of our parents.

We did so in Vegas. The reason is we did not want to have to be charming to 200 people we didn't care much about for five hours right after I went thru the most meaningful event of outlives

Rather we wanted to bask in it quietly together immediately after the ceremony


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## GettingIt_2 (Apr 12, 2013)

My husband and I got married at the courthouse, then savored the secret for a few weeks before breaking it to anyone. It was fun. We did it first thing in the morning, went out for pancakes at the local diner, then went on with the day as usual. 

I was four months pregnant with our first (planned) baby when we got married, just a few weeks before Christmas. On Christmas Day, we put a copy of our marriage certificate in a green envelope and a copy of the 20 week ultrasound of our daughter in a red envelope. We gave one envelope to my mom, and one to my dad. It was HILARIOUS watching their faces when they opened the envelopes. Even funnier when they found out what the other person had in his envelope. We repeated this when we saw my husband's parents the next day. It's one of my very, very favorite memories. I'm smiling right now just writing about it. 

We love our families dearly, but neither of us was enthused about all the work and money that goes into a wedding. Our families didn't care . . . they were just glad we tied the knot after 11 years. I'd do it all over again the same way.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

DobermanLove said:


> I guess I have to ask out of curiosity why would I HAVE to co exist with his family? Neither sides of our family pay our bills, we are adults who would like to get along with one another's families but it's not a deal breaker for either of us. Marriage is a union between two people not our extended families. I'm not marrying out of spite...I'm not sure where I indicated that. I want to marry my fiance because I love him, because we support one another, we are one another's best friends and confidence, we have everything in common and are dedicated.
> 
> Thank you for your replies but I wasn't asking for help with my inlaws...


 I'm happy that you found a good guy and you found a way to compromise with having a ceremony later but even if your married you still have to attend family functions over the holidays and birthdays. It's just easier to have a good relationship when you can be comfortable with in laws. No one says you have to be best friends but your the one who said you want to stay as far away from them on the day of your wedding and you said your Mom isn't real thrilled with your fiancé.

There might come a day when (and I hope not) where either you or him butt heads with the in laws. In real life, it could present problems. This fall under the category of $h!t happens and in some cases it does and for some reason you don't grasp that. Either way, you do what you think is best.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

One of you is going to have to compromise.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

We did it at the courthouse.I despise his parents and he's slowly getting there with them as well.

He has made it clear I do NOT have to co-exist with them I just have to be ok with him spending time with them occasionally.It was a perfect deal in my mind and still is.

I say discuss how things will be with the family after marriage (discuss BEFORE marriage) and what he expects from you as far as family time is concerned. Both of you need to lay all your feelings and cards on the table and come up with a suitable compromise. Remember,don't get too hung up on the wedding part of it.That's one day of your marriage.You need to discuss and resolve what will happen with his family for the rest of your marriage.A plan needs to be made.
Don't get married without discussing these things IN DETAIL.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

DobermanLove said:


> I REALLY want to elope, but my fiance wants a small ceremony. I am trying to compromise by I would rather not spend money and time making a small ceremony when we can legally marry and have a ceremony down the line.
> 
> *I am not fond of my in laws and would prefer to stay as far away as possible from them on the day of our marriage. In addition my mother isn't fond of my fiance or his family..*.plus thinking about planning a ceremony makes me tense and stressed.
> 
> Have any of you ever eloped and why?


I agree with ScarletBegonias that you really need to discuss what each of your expectations are regarding family. No, you aren't marrying them, but you will be tied to them forever, so it's best that you and your fiance are on the same page now. If you decide to have children, the grandparents are going to be in your face as much as possible to see the little kiddos.

Personally, I like the idea of eloping and then having a party after the honeymoon. But I know my parents and sister would be so disappointed not to be there for the ceremony, and in the end, I know I'd be glad to share that day with them, so I'd never actually elope. 

Maybe that's your fiance's thinking too. Maybe his family would be heartbroken not to be there, or he'd be heartbroken to not be able to share this special day with them. Family means different things to people, and it sounds like his family is important to him.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

We eloped! On a tiny island, just the two of us + required witnesses (not family). We love our families (and each other's) but we wanted our wedding to be intimate and just about the two of us, not about other people. We're extremely private when it comes to marriage and our relationship and we didn't think it was appropriate for other people to share in that (yes I know this is not socially acceptable but we didn't care). 

The score: zero stress associated with the wedding or planning for it. It cost next to nothing (just the bureaucratic stuff). Much more time spent alone, just us two and not worrying about showing up for anything. Our wedding was erotic, fun, and had plenty of spontaneity (I didn't have a bouquet but a little girl playing nearby collected flowers and gave them to me - and they were beautiful - it was fine, everything worked out, despite not having planned out every millisecond five months in advance!) 

I've been a bridesmaid / maid of honor enough times to know that that is not what most weddings are like. I am so proud that we stayed true to our desire to exclude everyone from our private moment. It was so important to us to be completely devoted to one another and not distracted by other people, no matter how much we love them. We didn't give in to the social pressure and we got married on our own terms - but we didn't get wedding presents, so if that's important to you, think again!

We've only been married 3.5 years but I think I can say it was a beautiful start to our marriage. We've managed to maintain the mystery and secrecy around our marriage incidentally, and I think it's better for it. (By which I mean we are extremely private, not that people don't know we're married! Everyone knows and a lot of people commented on our elopement after they found out but a nice smile and a "it was absolutely lovely!" works great.)


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## ntamph (Apr 23, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> We eloped, too! Mostly just because we wanted to spend our entire budget on a honeymoon rather than a ceremony. So we took a 3 week vacation in paradise and had a local marry us on a beach. Far more beautiful than a church! Our families didn't mind, this was a second wedding for us both, so there was no pressure to have a wedding "for them". They were all just happy for us, and I was totally happy with the decision to spend the money on ourselves.


This.

I've always wanted a small wedding followed by an over the top honeymoon. It should be about the couple and their happiness, not the public display. Plus it saves money.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

omega said:


> We eloped! On a tiny island, just the two of us + required witnesses (not family). We love our families (and each other's) but we wanted our wedding to be intimate and just about the two of us, not about other people. We're extremely private when it comes to marriage and our relationship and we didn't think it was appropriate for other people to share in that (yes I know this is not socially acceptable but we didn't care).
> 
> We've only been married 3.5 years but I think I can say it was a beautiful start to our marriage. We've managed to maintain the mystery and secrecy around our marriage incidentally, and I think it's better for it.


This sounds perfect. :smthumbup: My kind of wedding!


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## marshmallow (Oct 15, 2013)

We're eloping. I tried to plan a wedding, but I have certain control & anxiety issues and we've decided (for the sake of my sanity) to elope. I've told my brother, and as the day draws nearer (we're going to City Hall on the day after Christmas, or the day after that) we'll tell the rest of our family.


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## DobermanLove (Aug 19, 2013)

It's nice to hear so many amazing stories about eloping! Luckily for the fiance and myself we both have an understanding of how either side of our family will be handled, so I'm not worried about either of us when it comes to matters of family. Did anyone actually get dressed up even though they weren't having a ceremony?


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

DobermanLove said:


> Did anyone actually get dressed up even though they weren't having a ceremony?


We did a little. I bought a short white dress for the occasion (not expensive, I think it was about $45!) and white shoes. H wore the nicest clothes he had with him at the time which was a blazer, an Oxford shirt, and slacks. He had a tie but he didn't wear it. 

I actually bought my wedding shoes and dress on a shopping trip with my best friend so I still got a little bit of that experience. But I bought the first pair of white shoes and the first white dress that I tried on (just worked out that way) so it wasn't a big stressful affair.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

DobermanLove said:


> It's nice to hear so many amazing stories about eloping! Luckily for the fiance and myself we both have an understanding of how either side of our family will be handled, so I'm not worried about either of us when it comes to matters of family. Did anyone actually get dressed up even though they weren't having a ceremony?


We did.He wore a suit and I wore this dress from Nordstroms


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

SB, lovely frock!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

thanks


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