# Anyone else living with severe chronic pain?



## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

If so, how do you deal with it?

I'm unable to walk or cardio exercise and my latest unbearable pain episode is leading me into a depression. 

I'm currently on my bike trying to stay fit, but it won't last long. I'm very limited in my daily physical activity. I can bike a few minutes a day. But hey, I've recently lost a few more pounds! I want to crawl into my bed and not come out. However, this would NOT be fair to my children. I must keep pushing myself and keep going.

My ultimate goal is to stay away from antidrepression medication. I'm allergic and sensitive to most medicines including over the counter pills. I do not want an antidepressant whatsoever and I'm trying my best to stay away from them too.

I've thought about talking to a therapist who specializes in chronic pain, but getting there always poses a challenge. It's very hard getting into a car driving/riding which increases my pain.

These moods will increase my anxiety attacks as well. I'm tired of being a prisoner in my own body. I'm tired of explaining to my parents who are not supportive that I am NOT lazy. I'm in pain and there are days I must rest without getting out of bed.

When I'm alone I'll let it all out and bawl my eyes out. I try my best to keep these emotions at a minimum before I get into a depression I can not get out of.

Talking to my mother does not help. With all the proof I've shown her, she continues to call me lazy amongst other things. She has no idea what she's doing to me inside.

Anyways, I'm done venting for now. For those in my shoes or similar, what do you do to get out of this nasty funk? My house work has piled up since my oldest left and my husband accepted a promotion which he's working a minimum of 3-5 hours more per day.

Thanks for letting me vent.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

*hug*

I had chronic pain for about 2 years with uterine/ovarian issues and endometriosis. Constant, 24 hours, cramping, leg nerve pain, stomach aches (IBS), couldn't sleep, I was a real treat to be around. I wanted to die. I didn't do anything with anyone. It took all of me to get to work, then i'd come home and lay on the couch and do NOTHING. I told no one of my feelings. My mom, too, thought I was being "overdramatic". Easy to say from a woman who had her uterus removed for similar issues  How soon she forgot.

I had surgery and haven't been in pain since, but OMG! I feel so empathetic towards people who suffer day in and day out for their lives. It's stressful, depressing, frustrating and maddening.

Your mom is best to leave alone. She sounds like my mom...they don't want to admit there's a REAL problem with their child because they feel compelled to fix it.

Sorry you are going through this...


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Thanks. I had surgery and it did not help at all. I'm homebound and I need a wheelchair for long distances. The bright side of this is I'm able to walk short distances! I'm very lucky in that aspect.

I worry for my future. I'm only in my upper 30's. I often feel like I've failed my husband as a wife. I try not to take anything for granted.

Hopefully soon I'll get out of this terrible funk. 

It's really difficult to understand how I feel unless you've experienced this or something similar yourself even if it's for a short time.

In the mean time I'll have to put up with those calling me lazy and not "fixing" my issue. My issue can not be fixed, or at least at this time.


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## nomoretogive (Oct 29, 2011)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> If so, how do you deal with it?
> 
> I'm unable to walk or cardio exercise and my latest unbearable pain episode is leading me into a depression.
> 
> ...


Our stories are so alike, it's almost scary: We are about the same age, have chronic pain related to the same body region, and sounds like we're sharing parents who insist that I'm whining and moaning for fun or that I'm lazy, and there's no easy "cure" for our conditions. Add in a spouse that shares my parents' view, and it does have a tendency to get you down.

The first year after diagnosis, I was MISERABLE. The pain was excruciating every day (8/10 all day) and it affected my mood to the point where I was just downright hateful and pissed off all the time. Everyone around me was telling me this, but I had to get to the point where I was making myself miserable before I pulled out of my funk and started taking steps to change it.

For me, the biggest thing has been finding a pain management doctor who is amazing. He isn't a pill pusher and is actually really conservative for a pain doc, but isn't afraid to do what he has to to keep me as pain-free as possible. He worked with me for a long time because I refused narcotics, until he got me to try them to see for myself how much my life would improve WITH them. We also did shots, blocks, and the nerve-burning procedure. So for me, getting the pain under control was the first step. I still hate that I'm dependent on opiates to live my life; but I would rather do this than live how I did that first year. My mood improved considerably when I wasn't battling the pain at those levels every day. 

Once the pain was under control, I found that I wasn't quite as depressed, wasn't having as many panic attacks, and was generally a much nicer person to be around. There was still some lingering "sadness" though because of the limitations and the feeling that I just couldn't keep up. I refuse to take antidepressants, so my osteopath had me add in daily magnesium and Vitamin D, which have both helped enough that I keep doing it. I also start my day every day with a cup of coffee and a gratitude journal. Some days I have to force myself to think positively, but I find that this helps change my mood significantly. 

And then, probably the second biggest thing, is just getting to a point where I've accepted that I will never be able to do all the things I used to do and not be upset about it. Some days, when the pain meds (because I'm on a super baby dose; normal is 60 milligrams and I take 2.5) aren't providing enough relief, I have learned to recognize it and embrace it, instead of fighting it Sure, that means on those days my house doesn't get cleaned and we're eating delivery pizza for dinner; I spend time in a hot bath and Epsom salts with a new book and put my kids in front of the TV for 30 minutes instead of playing a game with them. That would used to be enough to make me depressed, as if I was somehow failing my family. Now, I've learned that if I'm not in a good place, it throws the whole family dynamic off, so I make taking care of myself a priority. 

It sounds like you and I were a lot alike in our "former" life -- take charge, get things done; and chronic pain can make you long for the days when you can do it all again. Quite frankly, it sucks. It is the single-most miserable experience I've had in my life so far, but also one of the ones I'm most thankful for. It made me slow down, reevaluate my body's limits, and forced me to come up with creative solutions to getting things done rather than taking them all on myself. 

Unfortunately, with chronic pain, there's no easy answer to getting things under control -- the pain or the accompanying depression -- because it's just so difficult to find the right combo of meds and alternative treatments that will work. I wish I could tell you that in my journey I've stumbled upon the magic supplement...but I haven't. What I can tell you is that you have NOT failed anyone and you are doing the best you can with what you have to work with right now. People who don't live like this will never understand, and you have to forgive them for their ignorance, instead of letting it bother you and contribute to the depression. 

I know, the housework is staring you in the face and driving you crazy. But you know what? It isn't going anywhere. Don't look at it as a whole, because it will be too overwhelming. It won't all get done in a day, or maybe a week. Break it down into baby steps, and do what you can, and then stop and save the rest for later, or tomorrow, after you've rested. Have your other kids (I think I remember you saying you have some still at home) pitch in and help. Every Friday, we order pizza and then blast music in our house for 30 to 45 minutes. Myself and my two kids go to town, cleaning during that time. It's amazing how much we get done in a short period of time and have a great time doing it, without the burden all falling on me or having to fight with them to help. That is another big thing when you are feeling like this: ASK FOR HELP; realize that you simply cannot do it all and be okay with that. 

I don't have any easy answers because I still have times like this where I just can't pull myself up by my boot straps and get a move on, but I am sending you a huge hug and lots of prayers that this phase passes soon. In the meantime, do something nice for yourself today. Get a new book or magazine and relax in the tub; sit for an extra few minutes outside in the fresh air and watch nature's critters; tell your husband how thankful you are that he's in your life because he sounds like a keeper; order pizza for dinner and put your feet up. TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST!!!


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

I have lupus and it sucks big time. I was diagnosed with the highly elevated ANA in 2008. I didnt tell my family because 1. dont want to worry my dad and 2. i dont want to hear their amateur diagnoses. I get enough of that from my mother in law. I assure her I know how to read on WebMD. My husband, kids and boss are very supportive.

I had a weight loss surgery to take care of the extra weight I was carrying. Keeping it off has become another challenge. 

Today is a good day. Only my left side lower back hurts. This last week I had a flare that made it very difficult to go to work. I actually took a power nap in my car at lunchtime Thursday. Matter of fact I could take a nap now LOL


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

To answer your original question..I used to drink it away--bad idea--opens a harder can of worms to cure. 

I dont take antideppressants anymore. I keep my mind busy. I have taken online courses (one for work, one for me) I read as many self help books as i can get my hands on. I scrapbook which is fun, creative, not expensive if you do it right, and brings back great memories. Also I try to take advantage of those good days. Also I attend 12 step support meetings. 12 step is not just for alcoholism, which is what I thought for a long time. They have support groups for everything. Get a meeting schedule and go on one of your good days. The face to face interaction will help.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

IILWMH - I have nothing useful to say - as someone who lives with pretty mild pain (spinal degeneration and fibromyalgia), compared to yours, I'm really not in a position to give advice, but I just wanted to say - do NOT feel like you are letting your husband down. It really seems as though he accepts and loves you unconditionally, and from all the wonderful things you say about him, I'd say he's pretty lucky to have you, too!!

What you went through was life-altering, no doubt about it. Have you talked to doctors about other options for pain management? You see, what helps me is exercise, but I know this isn't going to be something you can comfortably or safely do.

Just know we are here for you!! Wishing you better days ahead! (((HUGS)))
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Ansley said:


> To answer your original question..I used to drink it away--bad idea--opens a harder can of worms to cure.


Oh my - I am so guilty of this. I am ashamed to admit it - when I am out of pain medication, I drink to keep myself from feeling the effects. Especially if it's been awhile. I don't want to do this anymore, either.  

The correlation between pain and anxiety here is weird... My anxiety has gone up and way out of control in the past year since the car accident. :/

I know you guys are going through much worse things than I am, and I can't fathom how difficult it must be. Especially with a family member who doesn't understand.

(((HUGS))) to you all! 

Ansley, I thought you had some fabulous suggestions! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> Oh my - I am so guilty of this. I am ashamed to admit it - when I am out of pain medication, I drink to keep myself from feeling the effects. Especially if it's been awhile. I don't want to do this anymore, either.
> 
> The correlation between pain and anxiety here is weird... My anxiety has gone up and way out of control in the past year since the car accident. :/
> 
> ...



HAHAHA bless you heart thank you. I learned the very hard way. I dont suggest it.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

YinPrincess said:


> IILWMH - I have nothing useful to say - as someone who lives with pretty mild pain (spinal degeneration and fibromyalgia), compared to yours, I'm really not in a position to give advice, but I just wanted to say - do NOT feel like you are letting your husband down. It really seems as though he accepts and loves you unconditionally, and from all the wonderful things you say about him, I'd say he's pretty lucky to have you, too!!
> 
> What you went through was life-altering, no doubt about it. Have you talked to doctors about other options for pain management? You see, what helps me is exercise, but I know this isn't going to be something you can comfortably or safely do.
> 
> ...


Not to compare war wounds but your condition doesnt sound like a picnic my friend. Take care please.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I have MS. I am sitting here right now (I work 8 hrs a day on my feet) with excruciating joint pain from it right now. The horrible shift work and being on my feet has aggravated both my MS and PTSD.

How do I deal...not very well. I cycle through bouts of depression and severe mood swings right now. I hate my job that stresses me out (rather, my passive aggressive boss) and am about to go get a doc letter for stress leave tomorrow. I can't do it anymore... I just can't do the passive aggressive ***** boss anymore.


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

IILWMH, I'm sorry to hear about your situation but can completely relate. I injured my back in 1998 and had a microdisccectomy and continued to work for 10 years with drs saying I had to do a fusion. I finally broke down and stopped working when the meds I had to take made me too physically ill to continue. I was on 800mgs of morphine sulfate daily, 150mcg fentanyl patches daily, 80 mgs Norco daily, 4 350mg somas, and up to 10,400 mcgs of actiq or fentanyl suckers daily when the pain was too much. I broke down and had the fusion in July 2010 and got a staph infection and was down to 137 lbs from 170 when they finally had to remove everything, wait until the infection was gone, and redo it. 8 months later, when my back muscles started working again, everytime I stood up or bent down, when the muscles flexed, they pushed into the screws from the hardware and brought me to my knees so they had to remove that hardware. So after 4 major surgeries in 2yrs, I'm worse than ever and have so much nerve pain in my legs. I'm disabled now and take care of my 3yr old son every day. My current daily meds are3 80mg oxycontin, 6 8mg dilaudid, 6 15mg roxicodone per day for my pain and I'm considering having the intrathecal pain pump that would release fentanyl, dilaudid, and baclofen directly into the opiate receptors in my spinal cord and fluid. I understand the bouts of anger, despair, desperation, hopelessness, and feeling that no-one can possibly understand all we deal with. I'm so lucky to have my son and my wife of 13 yrs who are so supportive. When I get in a funk, she understands to step back and give me time to work it out. I try and be grateful for all the good things and understand it could be worse and if I could change it, of course I would. But since I can't, focusing on what I have to be thankful for helps me. I also stretch every morning and do all the yoga I can and all the home exercises I can. Especially ones to strengthen my core. You can p.m or email me if you need advice about pain mgmt drs,pain mgmt rograms, therapy, and eds bcause I've done all of it since my ordeal started on june 20 1998.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

CantPe, my wife was put on short term disability because of the stress, anxiety, and depression caused by having me in pain and surgery alot, we lost my mom on july 1st, and her dad in el paso has 2-3 months from cirrhosis. The last straw was her boss telling her she needed to choose her family or job while she was on fmla leave!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

ryansdad said:


> IILWMH, I'm sorry to hear about your situation but can completely relate. I injured my back in 1998 and had a microdisccectomy and continued to work for 10 years with drs saying I had to do a fusion. I finally broke down and stopped working when the meds I had to take made me too physically ill to continue. I was on 800mgs of morphine sulfate daily, 150mcg fentanyl patches daily, 80 mgs Norco daily, 4 350mg somas, and up to 10,400 mcgs of actiq or fentanyl suckers daily when the pain was too much. I broke down and had the fusion in July 2010 and got a staph infection and was down to 137 lbs from 170 when they finally had to remove everything, wait until the infection was gone, and redo it. 8 months later, when my back muscles started working again, everytime I stood up or bent down, when the muscles flexed, they pushed into the screws from the hardware and brought me to my knees so they had to remove that hardware. So after 4 major surgeries in 2yrs, I'm worse than ever and have so much nerve pain in my legs. I'm disabled now and take care of my 3yr old son every day. My current daily meds are3 80mg oxycontin, 6 8mg dilaudid, 6 15mg roxicodone per day for my pain and I'm considering having the intrathecal pain pump that would release fentanyl, dilaudid, and baclofen directly into the opiate receptors in my spinal cord and fluid. I understand the bouts of anger, despair, desperation, hopelessness, and feeling that no-one can possibly understand all we deal with. I'm so lucky to have my son and my wife of 13 yrs who are so supportive. When I get in a funk, she understands to step back and give me time to work it out. I try and be grateful for all the good things and understand it could be worse and if I could change it, of course I would. But since I can't, focusing on what I have to be thankful for helps me. I also stretch every morning and do all the yoga I can and all the home exercises I can. Especially ones to strengthen my core. You can p.m or email me if you need advice about pain mgmt drs,pain mgmt rograms, therapy, and eds bcause I've done all of it since my ordeal started on june 20 1998.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


My fusion did not help.:/. I can not take OxyContin, it gave me a bleeding ulcer and I was only on a lower dose TID. I take another LA med with a short acting med. I don't tell others what I take due to being judged. I've never abused anything in my life and I do not drink. It doesn't matter, these meds have such a bad rap and are completely misunderstood. I'm allergic to muscle relaxers, so I take an off label medication to relax my constant spasms. It's hard enough living in this pain upon being judged. I have very good support from my pain clinic and my husband.

When this all started I had 12-14 steroid injections at every disc level of my neck 2-3 times. I was at a horrible pain clinic at that time that was injection happy.

Thank you all for your replies. I do my best to stay mobile. I bike a few minutes 6 days a week. I do need a wheelchair for long distances. I will have an additional fusion in the future.

My pain is STILL unbearable and giving me migraines. Bleh...,


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

Yeah, being judged is crazy and if someone judges you because of pain meds, they are ignorant. Its no different than a diabetic taking insulin to function. Pain meds allowed me to work an additional 10 years so i could keep the dream house we had built. My disability is just over $1700 a month which is 
5x less than i earned working. Do i have more nerve damage and pain for working those 10 years? Absolutely. But my family can stay in our home and my son will attend nice schools.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My fusion did not help.:/. I can not take OxyContin, it gave me a bleeding ulcer and I was only on a lower dose TID. I take another LA med with a short acting med. I don't tell others what I take due to being judged. I've never abused anything in my life and I do not drink. It doesn't matter, these meds have such a bad rap and are completely misunderstood. I'm allergic to muscle relaxers, so I take an off label medication to relax my constant spasms. It's hard enough living in this pain upon being judged. I have very good support from my pain clinic and my husband.
> 
> When this all started I had 12-14 steroid injections at every disc level of my neck 2-3 times. I was at a horrible pain clinic at that time that was injection happy.
> 
> ...


How did you injure yourself? I have back pain due to computer work - that's bad enough. Take whatever you need to manage it - no judgement here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I broke my neck playing with my children. Herniated 3 discs with moderate spinal cord compression. I'm VERY LUCKY that I can use my legs and walk short distances.


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

I was a professional bowler so my doctor said there was already probably some degeneration from the wear and tear on my hips&low back from bowling upwards of 25 games a day along with playing baseball, basketball, football, track, and golf throughout school. During the 4 months i was home, i managed the bar inside a bowlingcenter. The cooler was on the opposite end, 45 lanes away from the bar. I was pushing a flat bed of cases of beer and wine and it was about 280 lbs. Some kids were having a birthday party and 2 were playing chase & ran right in front of me as i was going fast. My discs at L4-L-5& at L5-S1 ruptured when i pulled to stop from hitting those kids.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

ryansdad said:


> CantPe, my wife was put on short term disability because of the stress, anxiety, and depression caused by having me in pain and surgery alot, we lost my mom on july 1st, and her dad in el paso has 2-3 months from cirrhosis. The last straw was her boss telling her she needed to choose her family or job while she was on fmla leave!


I'm on arthrotec right now for sever brachial plexus injury (my dog dragged me down my driveway on Wednesday). You want to know what my boss' reaction to it was?

"And there's nobody else to cover your shifts"

I can't turn my head side to side, can't lift my head or tip it forward and my right shoulder is in spasms and can't be lifted and she wants me to lift 50+ lbs, mop, sweep and more? Guess who covered the shift last night and who's doing all my shifts for the week my doctor wants me off my feet... my b!tch boss...


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

CantePe said:


> I can't turn my head side to side, can't lift my head or tip it forward and my right shoulder is in spasms


This happens to me quite frequently :/. Both my shoulders are constantly in spasms.


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## Samcro (Feb 12, 2012)

I'm 37 and I been on opiates for 6 years now, I take 2x80 mg oxy and 4 to 6 x 30mg Roxie I day. I got three herniated disks in my neck and back. Disk degeneration, 5. Knee surgeries on both knees. I tried to try other meds like cymbalta but nothing worked. I recently got diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis recently and finally found out why all my joints hurt no matter what.
So I been addicted for a long time and I feel bad for it. It's hurt my life fueling my addicting personality and make it worse.


But tomorrow it is all ending. I am going to detox tomorrow and starting on suboxone to get off them.

If all goes well I hope to be opiate free and maybe I will feel better cause of it. If it doesn't work I might think about going to a detox clinic to get clean.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Samcro said:


> I'm 37 and I been on opiates for 6 years now, I take 2x80 mg oxy and 4 to 6 x 30mg Roxie I day. I got three herniated disks in my neck and back. Disk degeneration, 5. Knee surgeries on both knees. I tried to try other meds like cymbalta but nothing worked. I recently got diagnosed with psoriatic arthritis recently and finally found out why all my joints hurt no matter what.
> So I been addicted for a long time and I feel bad for it. It's hurt my life fueling my addicting personality and make it worse.
> 
> 
> ...


Good luck!

There's a very big difference between addiction and dependence. Suboxone is still a synthetic opioid. 

There is no way I'd be able to live without any help. I work very hard daily with my daily chores, exercise, and taking care of my children. I try my best to live life as normal as possible.


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## Ansley (Apr 5, 2010)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> My fusion did not help.:/. I can not take OxyContin, it gave me a bleeding ulcer and I was only on a lower dose TID. I take another LA med with a short acting med. I don't tell others what I take due to being judged. I've never abused anything in my life and I do not drink. It doesn't matter, these meds have such a bad rap and are completely misunderstood. I'm allergic to muscle relaxers, so I take an off label medication to relax my constant spasms. It's hard enough living in this pain upon being judged. I have very good support from my pain clinic and my husband.
> 
> When this all started I had 12-14 steroid injections at every disc level of my neck 2-3 times. I was at a horrible pain clinic at that time that was injection happy.
> 
> ...


What you take is between you and your Dr. You goto pain management so it is "managed" by a professional. I dont know who is judging you but they need to cut it out. Just tell them youwould love to trade bodies for one day. Everyones a critic. Irritates the hell out of me


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## OhhShiney (Apr 8, 2011)

Yes. I've had several years-long bouts with chronic pain. First with my neck/shoulder/back, and most recently with arthritis in my hip and knee and thumbs. 

Don't be afraid to ask for pain meds. I took a low dose of a codeine pill for a very long time for my back and neck, and had no trouble quitting and did not have trouble "wanting more." If you take these drugs for a high, you will want more. 

The stigma about pain medications (or any medications) is simply insane.

I personally would shy away from anti-depressants for pain, as they can have severe sexual/libido side effects.


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## ryansdad (Dec 3, 2011)

Again, I completely agree with I.I.L.W.M.H. There's a huge difference between being addicted to a substance solely to get off and having a physical dependence on a substance because of a legitimate need. When you take narcotic pain meds, all they do is dull down the pain receptors. So a person with no pain who takes them will feel high whereas a person who lives in chronic pain and has their pain receptors constantly flaring with pain will just feel pain relief even though they will at some point become physically dependent on them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

They had to take me off arthrotec. It put my heart rate at 100+ beats at sitting rate and pushed my blood pressure to 178 over 80. Myrsendol is what i am using now. Not sure about celexa script though....


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