# Husband & Porn



## meggin (Nov 15, 2010)

So I posted a few weeks ago about the lack of sex in my marriage and haven't been able to pin point the cause for the drop in his libido.

Tonight he went to bed and I am still up. He left his new phone on the coffee table. I picked it up to play with it because it was new. Well, I came across porn loaded into it. Not just short clips either - like 30 minute clips. He hasn't loaded anything else into it...such as photos of us or the kids. He's only loaded in porn videos.

I know he enjoys watching porn. I'm not a huge fan of it - never have been. Should I be bothered by this? On his old phone - whenever he'd open the browser - a porn site would pop up - like it was the last thing he viewed on his phone browser.

Whenever he gets some new tech thing (phone or iPod) the first thing he does is see if he can watch porn or view porn sites on it. It bothers me and I have told him it does, but he doesn't seem to hear me.

I just don't know anymore.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

This is a fairly common issue, guys with internet are like boys with their first Playboy magazine. Keep in mind that the problem is in his head not in his pants. Masturbation keeps a libido regular. He does not even have to be 'using' the porn for it to cause a problem in the bedroom. For many guys it's a passing fad, for others it lasts longer.

That being said, it does sound like it may a problem for him.

My best advice in this situation is always Talk Talk Talk, it sometimes opens up an avenue in the male brain of how rediculous it is to be staring at a Playboy when the real thing is in the other room.

Happy Thanksgiving.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

The more you let it bother you, the more you will be bothered. 

He'll do it anyway, he is not the only man who is doing it. A lot of men are doing it, it is in men's nature. 

Accept it, and take it easy, then you will be relaxed.

And remember, men like to check on women on the street too, don't be surprised if your husband does it. You should be surprised that he doesn't do it. Accept it, and do it with him together, then he'll feel much more relaxed around you. If he knows that you don't get bothered, he actually won't find it thrilling!!!


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I knew my H watched porn prior to the start of our sex problems. I had no problem with it because, like greenpearl said, what guy doesnt watch porn? 

but then he started to be less and less interested in having sex with me. at that point the porn started to become a problem. I tried talking to him, i tried doing things he liked, i dressed up, took videos, offered to watch with him, etc. but i was rejected at every turn. on occasion the sex would be ok, but i had built up so much resentment because in my mind it wasnt a loving relationship anymore. i was trying to compete with what he really loved and that hurt a lot. Essentially i was trying to force him to choose me. there's nothing good about having sex that way.Even if porn is not an issue it becomes an issue when your man is not interested in being with you.

In my situation talking did absolutely no good. My H would either say nothing, or agree with everything i said. I've found the solution to the problem about a million times. he agreed it was probably low self-esteem, he agreed that he might have a medical problem, that he was depressed, that he had a low sex drive, that work was stressing him out, you name it he would agree with me. But NOTHING ever changed. 

The only thing i can say is to take care of your own happiness. Trying to change him is only going to make you angry, bitter, depressed, and lose all self-esteem. He's only going to see you as controlling and become resentful towards you. If you've talked to your h about how you feel, then he knows and he's choosing to do what makes him happy. I had to back off from my H completely, both emotionally and physically. I had to take care of my own resentment and anger. I did tell him he had to go to counseling. that was my one requirement or else i would have to leave.


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