# Finally...my mind, and heart, let go!



## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

A text from the ex wife asking if I could ask someone I know to hire on her 21 year old daughter asap, who hates me and is home from school this summer...then how my ex is "desperate" and how she'd really appreciate it...and how she's in huge financial trouble...the house won't sell...she's on unemployment this summer...and she can't pay for her daughter's phone...

Then a pic of my ex holding up a fish she caught at her new man's cottage a few weekend's ago.

I texted back only one response. I asked, "Seriously S____, do you love him?"

"Pretty Sure" was the prolonged response

I stepped back and looked at these texts...and I knew I was done...no anxiety, no "why's", no analyzing...just a small, little "goodbye" in my mind that I actually mouthed out loud in my living room...finally...I had done it.

I felt nothing. I didn't care anymore. After all her sex stuff, her lies, her excuses, her false love...I am done...completely. Go ahead and move on with him...my mind began to drift to the mornings waking up with her, the evenings in the back yard sipping coffee, the Christmases and birthdays. What I had and what she became...how I was a damn good husband who never cheated...not even flirted...how I cried when she came out of back surgery successfully, and how I put up with countless consecutive nights of her just sleeping on the couch because of her meds and depression.

I guess a year is about right. She loves another now. So go ahead...love.

But don't come to me when they foreclose on your house. Don't come to me when you need favours or money or anything. I wasn't perfect, but I loved her. And that's all I need to remember.


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

deg20 said:


> A text from the ex wife asking if I could ask someone I know to hire on her 21 year old daughter asap, who hates me and is home from school this summer...then how my ex is "desperate" and how she'd really appreciate it...and how she's in huge financial trouble...the house won't sell...she's on unemployment this summer...and she can't pay for her daughter's phone...
> 
> Then a pic of my ex holding up a fish she caught at her new man's cottage a few weekend's ago.
> 
> ...


Good for you!
Use this as a stepping stone to build a productive, peaceful life for yourself! You have the freedom to build a life that is truly yours, without the negative thoughts and feelings constantly holding you back.

Do not let her come to you when she needs favours - you are not a doormat.


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## scienist2 (May 16, 2014)

Your message is an inspiration to me and I will keep reading it for the next year or so! I am sure there are others who feel the same way.


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## LisaKane (Jun 26, 2015)

By letting go, you are taking your life back. Also, make sure she knows you don't do favors for exes or their bratty offspring who hates you. When a door shuts, another one opens and you seek peace and love, not drama and game playing.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

LisaKane said:


> By letting go, you are taking your life back. Also, make sure she knows you don't do favors for exes or *their bratty offspring who hates you*. When a door shuts, another one opens and you seek peace and love, not drama and game playing.


While married, her daughter sat there one day, and out of the blues said, "mom could have done better than you"...never forget that. She was referring to my finances...

no more favors...no anything. Seek refuge from your new man whom you love now. Struggle...I don't care. I'm done.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm glad you are moving on brother. Keep moving onwards and upwards. 


Now....block her calls, block her e-mails and stay away from her completely. Don't come back here in a month crying and gobbling because she texted you a mean msg. You have the technology available to go completely dark. You just have not chosen to. 

If you do completely separate your life from hers, in about a year's time you will come back here telling us how happy you are and how you cannot believe you stayed so hung up on such a perverted user like that piece of filth ex of yours...and her loser daughter.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> I'm glad you are moving on brother. Keep moving onwards and upwards.
> 
> 
> Now....block her calls, block her e-mails and stay away from her completely. Don't come back here in a month crying and gobbling because she texted you a mean msg. You have the technology available to go completely dark. You just have not chosen to.
> ...


Bandit...I guess there comes a point and time where you realize that you've been used, and that you have no significance anymore. I'm a helper...I hate to see people struggle...but when they've done it to themselves and there is no concern or care for the person they're seeking help from, it's time to dismiss that person completely.

What a year! Looking back at what she turned into, and her intermittent cries for financial help which I answered that were never appreciated, and her manipulation, I feel disgusted in myself that I was a doormat. But let this be a lesson to many. I guess I thought there was a slight hope that if I continued to help her, she'd see the good in me and change and want to attempt reconciliation...I know now that was foolhardy of me. There are people out there who have no concern, regard, or empathy...and they will suck anything out of people, playing on the good nature , kind heart, and compassion of others...

and Sometimes we marry them.

She once stated that I was a mistake. I'm happy to say that I now realize who the mistake really was.

Thanks to you, Bandit, and others...hear that? That's the sound of me breaking my rear view mirror.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

deg20 said:


> Bandit...I guess there comes a point and time where you realize that you've been used, and that you have no significance anymore. *I'm a helper...I hate to see people struggle..*.but when they've done it to themselves and there is no concern or care for the person they're seeking help from, it's time to dismiss that person completely.


There is nothing wrong with this. It is actually a very good trait. But it becomes self-abusing when you help people to the detriment of your own mental health and sanity. That is called codependency. 

Your ex was a narcissistic, selfish pig and she treated you abominably after you split from her. Why you would even desire to continue contact with that vile creature is still a mystery to everyone here. 

You need to get counseling for codependency. 



> What a year! Looking back at what she turned into, and her intermittent cries for financial help which I answered that were never appreciated, and her manipulation, I feel disgusted in myself that I was a doormat. But let this be a lesson to many. I guess I thought there was a slight hope that if I continued to help her, she'd see the good in me and change and want to attempt reconciliation...I know now that was foolhardy of me. There are people out there who have no concern, regard, or empathy...and they will suck anything out of people, playing on the good nature , kind heart, and compassion of others...
> 
> and Sometimes we marry them.


Take what you just wrote above, print it out and stick it to your bathroom mirror. 



> She once stated that I was a mistake. I'm happy to say that I now realize who the mistake really was.


This is called abuse, and you should have ended the conversation right there and never talked to her again. You need to love yourself more than that dude. 



> Thanks to you, Bandit, and others...hear that? That's the sound of me breaking my rear view mirror.


Talk is cheap bro. Come back in six months and tell me you have gone totally dark with no contact with her...and then I will pat you on the back. :wink2:


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

And...I would bet you a steak dinner she was cheating on you throughout the marriage but you just never caught on. No one just goes from sweet housewife to gangbang wh0re overnight. I don't buy that sh!t for a minute.


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## deg20 (Apr 10, 2015)

bandit.45 said:


> And...I would bet you a steak dinner she was cheating on you throughout the marriage but you just never caught on. No one just goes from sweet housewife to gangbang wh0re overnight. I don't buy that sh!t for a minute.


Another foolish thing for me to believe. I actually was convinced she turned into this s**t overnight...in fact, realizing and believing she was most likely unfaithful was some of the thought material that helped me dismiss her and feel the ultimate disgust.

What you just wrote...THAT is going to be printed and hung on the mirror too!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Why are you still talking w/ her at all? FFS man, block her number (or change your own) already!!!


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