# Do you think it's difficult for women with Ph.D. degree to get married? and why?



## Maggie- (Feb 27, 2010)

Do you think it's difficult for women with Ph.D. degree to get married? and why?

Please answer "Yes" or "No" or "It depends", and tell the reason. Thanks!


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Maggie- said:


> Do you think it's difficult for women with Ph.D. degree to get married? and why?
> 
> Please answer "Yes" or "No" or "It depends", and tell the reason. Thanks!


Answer:
Yes 

Reason
i think its difficult.. because they are (on average) very smart...
SO they may think much more logically about WHO they might be able to last with.
I have a couple other thoughts as well.


----------



## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Yes!

Because they are working hard on their career, and they know; once you are married, you have other priorities in your life. 
Because they are smart enough to know that pretty soon they will end up on divorce. 
Because a man do not like his wife to be smarter than he is.


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Deb* said:


> Yes!
> 
> Because they are working hard on their career, and they know; once you are married, you have other priorities in your life.
> Because they are smart enough to know that pretty soon they will end up on divorce.
> Because a man do not like his wife to be smarter than he is.


no3 is A good one... Men are funny that way.. (in general) we attracted to the smart ones, but our ego's in the end cannot deal with it. Girls rock


----------



## Remus (Feb 15, 2010)

Yes,

And that goes for men with PhD's too.

It is because getting a terminal degree is unlike most anything people do and not being married to someone who understands what it does to you is very difficult.

The only Docs I know with good marriages, and I work with lots of them, both have PhD's and usually got them around the same time as each other. And in different fields.

Many of the male PhD's I work with who married women without the same degree married mousey women who supported them while they were in school. And now they resent their wives. The women PhDs are mostly single and burn through cops and firefighters regularly.


----------



## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

63Vino said:


> no3 is A good one... Men are funny that way.. (in general) we attracted to the smart ones, but our ego's in the end cannot deal with it. Girls rock


Exactly!


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Maggie- said:


> Do you think it's difficult for women with Ph.D. degree to get married? and why?
> 
> Please answer "Yes" or "No" or "It depends", and tell the reason. Thanks!


Im assuming you're a phd... i have exorcized my ego...

haha call me... 

Why are you asking this question?


----------



## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

One of my sons teaches at a university. His wife is in the same department he is, and there's another married couple in their department. We were there at Christmas one year, and went to the "Holiday Party" (it's a state university, so they can't name the holiday). I didn't count, or anything, but my sense was that every one of the women professors we were introduced to was married and had kids, as was the Dean of Engineering and the university's Provost.

It's hardly a scientific sample, of course, but if it's difficult for a woman with a PhD to get married, I sure didn't see any sign of it there.


----------



## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

Maggie- said:


> Do you think it's difficult for women with Ph.D. degree to get married? and why?
> 
> Please answer "Yes" or "No" or "It depends", and tell the reason. Thanks!


Yes.

But you are asking the wrong question. You should be asking:

"Why is it that virtually every woman is driven to seek a life partner whose accomplishments exceed her own?"

I have a PhD. It was not difficult for me to get married.
The woman who works across the isle from me has a PhD. Her personal life is a catastrophe of her own making.

Look in the mirror, and you will be looking at the problem.

Good luck.


----------



## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

AlexNY said:


> Look in the mirror, and you will be looking at the problem.


its simply a question... not a problem


----------



## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

After finishing up my MSc, I have every intention of doing my PhD. But then, people advice me that I should find a bf first and then get married as my marketability will decrease after my PhD since men will be more intimidated of me. I listened. Met someone through a common friend, I have MSc, he is a HS grad. We cliqued. Together as gf-bf for two years while I am doing my PhD. Got married, had a baby. Now, I am an ABD --- not quite. I took a LOA. I guess if I did finish my PhD and waited, I think I would have a harder time looking for a partner. On the other hand, I guess if I did finish it first before looking for a partner, I might have a better chance of meeting someone who is the same wavelength as me.


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Nope everyone I know with a PHD is married except for a few (women) ironically. They are the career academia PHD types.....always in school....have only taught never applied their degree if that makes any sense. 

I know a woman right now who is 38 never held a job that would pay what you would think her education would demand...... just forever in school 2 BS, 2 MS, and PH.D and my question is FOR WHAT? What's the point? If you don't use it and apply it I just don't get it!!

As far as intimidation etc I don't think it matters. The wealthiest people I know are far from the most educated.


----------



## AlexNY (Dec 10, 2009)

dantanph said:


> ... he is a HS grad ... if I did finish my PhD and waited, I think I would have a harder time looking for a partner. On the other hand, I guess if I did finish it first before looking for a partner, I might have a better chance of meeting someone "_*who is the same wavelength as me*_."


What does this mean?


----------



## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

AlexNY said:


> What does this mean?


Well, most of the time, my H and I will not be in sync. We don't seem to be on the same page. I always feels educational background and exposure have something to do with it. I thought if I probably tried harder to meet someone with at least a BSc or an MSc, things would not be as challenging. Just my thoughts. I have a beautiful son with my H and thankful for that.


----------



## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

I think men are only scared of a PhD if it is used as a shield. I mean if you introduce yourself as Hi I'm Jane Smith, PhD...its going to be a turn off. Maybe not mentioning that you have a PhD until you both get to know each other might help. They may think you are the total opposite of a PhD stereotype and that is really awesome (a turn on for them). My husband has an MBA - I have a Bach of Art....I certainly don't feel that he's smarter than me. He has expertise and I have mine.


----------



## VeryShyGirl (Feb 18, 2010)

I am a woman with a PhD and here to say that because a woman has a PhD doesn't mean she's some other species! In fact I prefer to keep that fact to myself until people know me because I hate them acting like I'm different, like because I know quantum physics I think I'm a better person for it. And I hate how some people treat me more respectfully than the next guy because of it; its not a good judge of character.

Was is difficult for me to get married? That's a tough question, but perhaps. Did my PhD have anything to do with it? Don't know.

I recently tied the knot after dating my husband for 5 years. He proposed several years before our wedding and it was even in the works once but I called it off before plans progressed very far. There were two reasons I can pinpoint for prolonging it, there may be others I don't recognize:

1) Even though I loved my guy I wanted to eliminate ANY doubts I had about him being the one. Spending the rest of your life with one single person is a tall task and puts a lot of pressure on the "final decision". I had to make damn sure. I'm a scientist and my mind is thorough.

2) Practicality. I've never been one to like spending a bunch of money on something like a wedding. I don't like to dress up or dance or spend a lot of money on fancy food and drink or be the center of 100 peoples' attention. I felt pressured to have a conventional wedding by society and at first by my family. So I avoided it altogether.

My guy waited and didn't pressure me. Things finally settled themselves in my mind and we eventually planned our wedding exactly when and how WE wanted it (which meant jeeping with our small wedding party to one of our favorite, most beautiful locations and having the ceremony there!)

For the record: my husband also has his PhD in the same field if this has anything to do with your question.

Maybe you meant is it difficult to find a guy to marry in the first place? I didn't think so. That might have something to do with the field I got my PhD in though - 90/10 guy/girl ratio at most functions helps! At one particular retreat meeting for 60 I was one of two females - and the only one without a hair lip.


----------



## dantanph (Feb 7, 2010)

One of the comments I heard around regarding this topic is that:

(1) Women with graduate degrees tend to analyze things too much. hence, it is hard for them to find the perfect guy for them.

(2) Also, a friend of mine with a MSc wants someone with equal of higher degree than hers but the ones she meets or interested in her do not meet the criteria

(3) Women with grad degrees who are into research over-research and over-analyze things.

Not sure if true, but I am into research, and I feel I am good at researching things about what my husband does and does not. 

Do I over analyze things? I guess so.

Is this true for women here with grad degrees?


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

> and the only one without a hair lip.


I don't know if I should be laughing so hard at that; people can't help how they look!

BUT, since it seems appropriate, the saying I heard for girls in Engineering Schools/Programs: "The odds are good, but the goods are odd."

As for the original question, I saw lots of my grad school colleagues matching up, with others in the same or different departments. My marriage to another PHD lasted 20 years, and I don't think the divorce rate is any different among my PHD friends, but then, I haven't bothered to count, I guess.


----------



## anybody (Mar 2, 2010)

No, I don't think it's difficult for a woman with a PHD to get married, but I think it is a little harder for them to find a marriage partner compared to an average woman, and also less likely that they will stay married.

The process of higher education 'weeds out' all but a narrow personality type. In my experience, that type tends to be more self-reliant/self-fulfilling, and more interested in independent pursuits in life. That makes it rarer for them to find a compatible partner from a generic 'cross-section' of society. That 'self-fulfilling' trait also makes it easier for them to leave a marriage.

I don't think men find a PHD by itself to be a 'turn-off', but the personality traits and lifestyle that are likely to come with a PHD might be hard for many guys.


----------

