# Midlife crisis maybe? Does anyone get it?



## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

This IS gonna sound crazy. I know, but bare with me. My husband 50 and I have been married for 26 years. I did notice him pulling away emotionally from me and the kids for about a year. Before that, we were best friends, no major problems,and he was a wonderful husband and father. He has gone through alot medically and wasn't about to work for over 10 years. Anyway, he moved out suddenly, and since he has rubbed another woman in my face and in my kids faces!!!! During that time there was NOTHING to show he was with another woman. Even his family agrees there is NO woman. My grown kids even watched his house several nights he was there by himself. I can't for the life of me figure out why a man would say there was with LOTS of details that no wife should ever hear. When there WASN'T a woman involved. He seemed so angry with me, and I swear I haven't done anything to deserve this. 3 months later he still says there is another woman (might be now not sure) and he will only send a text a few times a week to the kids. He doesn't make an effort to see them. He claims they know where he is at and they should "fix" it with him. They didn't do anything, but get hurt by him. He seems so confused. Everything about him has changed, nothing even resembles the man he has always been. I don't get it. Any ideas? Midlife crisis?? He does call and text and will almost act like himself, very nice, etc. and then he leaves me wondering is he trying or is he just trying to be friends?? Then suddenly he will get mad, last time because the kids are seeing him and then he starts up about a woman again. Even sent me thru text a picture of a bra?? This is crazy.


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## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

Well I finally come to the point I can't take the hurt. So I filled for separation. He got the papers today to sign. Suddenly he sends me a text saying, this is so final and he has a new perspective, wants to talk tonight. I know if I let him think he has a chance to work things out with me, this stuff will go on. Seems he likes to know I hanging on, incase he changes his mind. I have to be ready for this call and tell him I'm DONE. Just sign the papers. I'm at the point that I have to let my marriage go, or hope he can get it together and work to save us. Any thoughts? I could sure use some!


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## MarkTwain (Aug 1, 2008)

Well...

You have to decide what you want. 

Are you going to use those separation papers as an ultimatum, or are you going to let him go?

If you do give him a chance, strike while the iron's hot and get him to tell you everything. If he won't open up, wave the paper's back in his face. Sometimes you have to be tough. Having those papers land on his doormat woke him up.

What might you have been doing or not doing to annoy him over the last year or two? It sounds like he was trying to prove that he is still sexually desirable.


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## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

Just last week he said we had problems way before he left. I asked him what were the problems, what had I done? He then said, I don't know. You didn't do a thing. If I knew this, then it would be easier on us all. He sounds so confused. I just know I want the papers signed. I do love him, so much! But....I can't take the hurt of hearing about another woman (made up or real). He has alot of work to do to put this family back together. I have been the only one trying. I just can't anymore, its to painful. I think he is very confused and I don'tc him getting any better till I put my foot down. So its either I walk away or he starts helping himself and does the work to fix our family. It was so hard to come to this choice, but I've been a wreck and I know until I get myself together I can't be the mom I need to be. It's time for me to worry about me.


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## justean (May 28, 2008)

i think alot of ppl get the jitters in a marriage and "the midlife crisis" scenario.
we only have one life to lead and when we lead it with lots of issues and confrontation and they dont get resolved. then were faced with our own Oh My God , this is for life and its not happy.


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## MsLady (Dec 1, 2008)

Could it be a medical issue?

I know he's young, but some people do start senility or alzheimer's early. Could he have a brain tumor affecting his personality or reason? All far-fetched, I know, but it happens and this doesn't sound like a normal case of left with the other woman or mid-life crisis. You say he sounds confused and irrational and that you don't even buy the other woman story.

I agree to proceed with separation papers. But also speak to his family and ask that they take charge in making sure that he's leaving his family in his right mind and that there isn't something else going in medically with him. Obviously, you are not in a position to help him in that way, but maybe speaking with a relative can put someone in charge of investigating this.


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