# Ex (Dumper) in Mental Ward One Week Later



## woolgather (Aug 17, 2013)

I wrote a really long post before, so I will iterate it in a much shorter post here, and the newer details.

In our last week, C and I said we would make great efforts for us to work; we both agreed that we were so great when things were working. That week, I put in a big effort, and on his end all I saw was distance. 4 days after we decided to make changes, he told me that ever since that day he knew we couldn't be together, and that I should leave. True to the C that I knew, he wavered between frustration and being sweet when I asked for an explanation. It was a long night. I took a nap, and then awoke that evening to pack and leave.

C kept promising a meeting with me. He showed up one night to give me my things. He was cold, tired, and upset; he just wanted to give me my things and leave. It was like that mostly this past week. We did have one 5 minute convo on the phone, where we spoke like old buds, but that was all, plus it made me feel worse.

Just last night I found out that he had responded to a Craigslist personal ad 5 hours after the night he gave me my things and couldn't talk to me. I was in so much pain. How could the person who said that our sex was love, and unlike anything he ever experienced before, do this? How could he just want a f***? I will admit that the last few weeks of our relationship, I accused him of f***ing me and not making love to me. To which he denied--but knowing what I do now...I believe that is true.

Anyhow, his mother called me for the first time, since C and I split, today. She said that C came to their house incoherent. They called the ambulance to take him to the psych ward. It was the first time out of many hospitalizations that he did not struggle; he went, easily. He has been in a psychosis since at least late last night. Up until late last night (late Saturday, before I knew of the psychosis and hospitalization) I had tried to reach him. I hadn't heard anything from him since Thursday when he canceled a meeting between us.

I had a hunch this would happen. He and I met in a mental ward 9 months ago. I thought I could keep him safe and healthy. Before he met me in the hospital, he was doing coke, going to prostitutes, and his mother had a restraining order against him. We were clearly very co-dependent. He memorized my number the first time we were in the hospital; he was so scared to lose contact with me. So I know that he knows it now. We fell for each other immediately. Now I can't help but wonder if he thinks of me back in that place we met. He hasn't called me. I want him to be healthy. But it's not my place to do that. I also selfishly want him to honor the memory of relationship in some way.


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## woolgather (Aug 17, 2013)

UPDATE:

He says he wants me back blah blah blah. That he needed a break to be wild, but wants to take it all back. WHAT A HOOT. HE WAS TRYING TO SLEEP WITH PROSTITUTES THREE DAYS AFTER HE TOLD ME WE WERE OVER AND TO PACK MY BAFS. I want to be there as someone who cares, but I don't want to lead him on. I'm also wondering if I should just cut ties. I am keeping in contact with his mother, trying to figure this all out. He is a very mentally ill person and I was able to keep him safe for a short time. If I ever go back to him, I see him wanting a "wild" break to drink and do dirty things once again. I can't believe that he would give up our special relationship for garbage. He says it's cus sometimes he is garbage. I have to agree with him.


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## woolgather (Aug 17, 2013)

UPDATED UPDATE:

I asked him how he could want to bring prostitutes to the place where we held each other and made love. His response was exactly what I thought, but hearing it really cut me, "You were always up my a$$. I wanted a girl who I could feel up and would just stfu." WOWZA. I was going crazy when I first heard that, thinking that it meant all the special intimate times were garbage. But I don't believe that. Anytime he kissed my stomach, my forehead, my calves and looked me in my eyes like he loved me, those were real. I can't let that go.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He's a mentally ill man. He behaves like a mentally ill man. Why are you expecting him to be anything other than what he is?


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## woolgather (Aug 17, 2013)

I wanted to believe that I could save him. Foolish, but I loved him and his behavior felt real. Now I see the truth now. Our relationship was falling apart much before he ended it. I was too scared to believe it, though.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

woolgather said:


> I wanted to believe that I could save him. Foolish, but I loved him and his behavior felt real. Now I see the truth now. Our relationship was falling apart much before he ended it. I was too scared to believe it, though.


He doesn't want saving. But obviously he needs mental heathcare, he's acting very self destructive.

It sounds like you've had your own issues - deal with those before taking on his too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

woolgather said:


> I wanted to believe that I could save him. Foolish, but I loved him and his behavior felt real. Now I see the truth now. Our relationship was falling apart much before he ended it. I was too scared to believe it, though.


The only person you can save is yourself.

Stop and think for a while.. did you love him? Or did you love who you thought or wanted him to be?


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## woolgather (Aug 17, 2013)

I most certainly want to work on my own issues right now, mostly going to focus on my BPD. It was an intense relationship, an unhealthy relationship, but it has taught me forgiveness, not that I still want to be with C, but that I do care about his well-being. I forgave him when I met him for the things he did before me, and now I forgive him for this dive he has taken. The feelings of betrayal are still there, but this is the first time in a week that they are not taking me over. I loved the person he was for the 8 months we were together. The last two weeks of our marriage I was unhappy, but I promised myself to work things through, because I wanted him to feel loved. I now see how broken the relationship was.


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