# Emotional Affair



## Lovetheocean (Oct 10, 2010)

My wife just told me about talking to an ex boyfriend. About 3 months before this, she tells me she needs to seperate from me. She doesnt feel anything for me anymore. Shes brought up things in the past that I have hurt her with like not wanting to marry her again, not supporting her, getting married to young, blaming me for her not having a career, not being there when she needed me most. First, weve been married 27 years. I feel, and for most of that time, I know she felt, that our love grew every single day. It was so awesome, almost to much love. When she asked about getting remarried, for our 25th anniversary, I said something really stupid. Truth is, I would have done it in a heartbeat! But, there was no forgivness for me. I really blew it. 2nd, when we first got married, she was 18 and pregnant, I was 22, she basically raised a family instead of having a career she wanted. I didnt support her seaking a career. I felt she should just stay home and raise the kids. We have 3 great kids 22, 25, and 26. Our middle girl is married. I have supported her having a career way to late in our marriage. I blew it again. 3rd. Most of the time with raising the kids when they were small, or my wife and kids being sick at times, she did some or most of that alone. I mean, I usually didnt take off of work to be with them. But when I got home after a long day at work I would take over if need be. I usally wake up at 3:30 am and get home about 5-6 Pm. We were both spent by days end. I was always there except the times that mattered the most to her. Ive always loved her with every ounce of my heart! I have never been unfaithfull. I have worked steady at the same company for 33 years and provided a good home for our family. Now life has changed horribly! She says she dated this guy before we were married and always had a connection with him. They must have been around 15. They are now 45. He now lives in another state and is married to. She says all they have done is talk and that she still loves him. Im mad, hurt , and my heart is crushed. Ive changed so much lately to let her know how much I love her but she is almost blank. She dosent want to go to counseling. She dosent want to tell the kids or our parents. She knows this will destroy all of us. I feel everyone should know. I cant face my kids or family without them knowing wy she wants to leave. Ill try to give her time to decide what she wants to do as she has pleaded me to. I know this is an emotional affair and the trust I had for her is broken! I think all and all Ive been a good loving husband. It kills her to know that her entire family have always said she basically is so lucky to have me, and that there will not be anyone on her side if she continues this affair. I know this is very common. I just joined the forum today. I need to let my feelings out and I desperatly need help! I feel so alone and betrayed.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It was a long post, but I get the point, so #1 you can not tolorate that kind of behavior so she stops all contact with OM or she can leave. #2 if she elects to leave, and continue the contact you have no choice but to inform EVERYONE why she has left.
At the very least warn her that her behavior is disrespectful to you and the bottom line is that she MUST stop all contact with OM or else. This point of NC is the most important step in fighting for your marraige. This affair grap all plays out the same way so read up on some affiar books so you have the amunition to fight her "affair fog"


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## Lovetheocean (Oct 10, 2010)

Hello theguy. Thanks for your advice. Seems were are on the same page.


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