# My gfs mom is A PSYCHOPATH !



## fallout1212 (Mar 24, 2013)

I need help.... Me and my gf have been together for about 14 months and everything between us is pretty decent except when her mom gets involved. MY gf is 27 and her mom lives with her, she was always a little hesitant for me to meet her cause she said she was crazy and i thought she was exaggerating ...nope she was 150% right . Her mom controls everything she does from how she lets her sleep , how long we take going to the store , everything is monitored no matter what it is. If her mom wants a pack of ciggs and doesnt get it she will flip out and just scream at her for hours just for that. She even accused her of having an abortion just from the fact that she got a bill from her primary doctor, she is crazy and will look for any reason to complain and fight . My gf has been so stressed from being her moms slave that i finally snapped and started letting her mom know how i feel . It ended with her mom throwing a piece of furniture at me and threatning to call the cops and make up somethnig that ive never done . so her mom kicked her out of her own apt and held my electronics hostage until i paid her back $3000 in "past" rent . But like i figured she went right back to her a week later and is pretending like nothing happened . now im the bad guy, i dont love her cause i dont want to go back to that situation . No matter what i do to help or how much her mom craps on her she wont leave her side .... idk what to do to get her out of that situation . She is to damn attached to her mom..... pleeeease give advice


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Look for a new girlfriend. Problem was there before you and the problem will be there after your gone. Save yourself the misery and end things.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Were you living with your girlfriend in the same apartment with her mother?

How old are you?

Did you really owe $3000 in back rent? How much a month does your gf have you pay in rent? And why were you not paying your part of the rent all along?

There is nothing you can do here. The relationship between your gf and her mother is your gf's responsibility. As you have seen, your gf defends her mother and has no intent on changing things.


YOu need to realize that from her mother's point of view, your are a threat. You take her daughter away from her, demand her daugher's time. And now you tried to stop the mother in her control of her daughter.

There is no way any healthy man can have a relationship with your gf. She wants to be her mother's slave. That's why she still has her mother living with her.

Drop the gf and get one who is actually available for a real relationship.

The reason for dating is to find out if a person is permanent relationship material. That includes all aspects of their lives.. like over attachment to their mother.

Instead of protecting yourself emotionally until you were sure that your gf is mentally/emotionally healthy, you just jumped in and moved in with her way too early. So now you feel stuck in a mess because you are emotionally attached to this gf. This is very common today as this is how a huge percentage of people run their relationships. 

GEt out of this one. It's not healthy.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> No matter what i do to help or how much her mom craps on her she wont leave her side .... idk what to do to get her out of that situation . She is to damn attached to her mom..... pleeeease give advice


There is no advice. You said it yourself - no matter what you do, no matter what her mother does, she won't leave and won't get out of the situation.

You can't _save _her. You don't have that kind of power - no one does. 

You can't make other people see things or do things or change. They have to want to.

All you can do is control your own actions. And I don't believe continuing to date this woman is in your best interests. I'd walk away and try to find a healthier woman to have a healthy relationship.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

richie33 said:


> Look for a new girlfriend. Problem was there before you and the problem will be there after your gone. Save yourself the misery and end things.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yup


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

I'm thinking of a Pink Floyd song right now:

"Run Like Hell".


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## fallout1212 (Mar 24, 2013)

I know i should leave but i feel like i would be abandoning her cause i know how horrible she is going to end up if she stays


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## DaddyLongShanks (Nov 6, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Were you living with your girlfriend in the same apartment with her mother?
> 
> How old are you?
> 
> ...


This has always been true. You simply cannot stand to have a "controller" in the mix between you and your significant other. People always have others influencing them, but when it is this strong it's going to cause problems. The mother is going to be affecting decisions which are available to you, affecting and controlling your life through your spouse. I always knew this and the less refined me liked it even less than I do today. It's not that I need to control my relationship partner, but I'd be damned if someone outside our relationship has more control than I/we do.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

fallout1212 said:


> I know i should leave but i feel like i would be abandoning her cause i know how horrible she is going to end up if she stays


Your not her savior. You didn't cause this problem and you cant fix it either. Her issues are exactly that...her issues.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

fallout1212 said:


> I know i should leave but i feel like i would be abandoning her


The OP misdirects attention to the Mom. 

Your girlfriend is a codependent blood-sucking emotional vampire. 

"Abandoning" same is not exactly the right terminology. We don't abandon vampires. We escape their clutches.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Make it look like an accident.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

fallout1212 said:


> I know i should leave but i feel like i would be abandoning her cause i know how horrible she is going to end up if she stays


She already abandoned herself and you by going back.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

You might also consider that her moms mentally instability is hereditary. Do you want kids in the future? Her gene pool needs chlorine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Based on what you wrote..,
Leave
Now


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Your GF needs to move out of her mother's home and alert her mother's doctor to the fact that her mother has mental health issues. If your GF won't do either, I would end the relationship before being drawn into even more drama, because right now she's simply enabling her mother's behaviour.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

she is codependant with her mom.

just chalk it up to .....glad I didn't get married


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

> fallout1212
> I know i should leave but i feel like i would be abandoning her cause i know how horrible she is going to end up if she stays


Look, *THIS* is all your gf has EVER known! She's spent her ENTIRE life around this kind of 'crazy'....it's her "normal". Your gf is emotionally comfortable in this kind of crazy drama because it's predictable! She knows exactly what to expect; she might not LIKE it, but she can PREDICT it!

Even if (and that's a mighty big "if") you could get gf to leave her mother, your gf would then RECREATE this kind of "crazy" in YOUR life, in YOUR home! WHY? Because, it's what she knows! It's her "normal". In her life, in her world "CRAZY-MAKING" is "normal".

Give it up! Neither you, gf, nor gf's mama is EVER gonna make your gf comfortable with regular people's "normal". Only a good therapist could do that....and only if gf WANTED to work at it.

/


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

humanbecoming said:


> Your GF is 27. There is no "end up" at this point. The only way she is going to become a different person is if she decides she wants/needs to change. This will have to come from inside her, there is nothing you can do.


:iagree:

And if she's experienced a lifetime of this sort of behaviour from her mother, she might need IC in order to cut the umbilical cord.


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## Ellie5 (Mar 12, 2013)

Fallout, whilst the general opinion of posters here is to get out and run, if you care about this girl, try giving her an ultimatum, tell her she has a choice, right now. That she gets out of the house, help for her Mum. HB and C are right, it HAS to come from her. When you care about someone it is hard to go - however, if you've tried then at least you'll have no doubts when you do finally go for good. How many chances has she already had? 

If she does not act upon this, you don't really have any fruitful options ahead.

Best of luck to you, and sorry to hear you're going through this.


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

Were the electronics worth $3,000?

I might have used that as the chance to cut my loses and go.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

fallout1212 said:


> I know i should leave but i feel like i would be abandoning her cause i know how horrible she is going to end up if she stays


She abandoned you by going back to her mother and making you the "bad guy". I say cut her loose and tell her you don't want to see her anymore until she's ready to leave her mother for good.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Here's something to consider, too. She told you her mom is "crazy" before you met her mom. This means she's heard this from plenty of other people in the past, and yet at 27 years old, she's still there. To me, that means she's a bit crazy herself.


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

sounds like her mom is paying the bills. i.e. someone owes her 3k.

take ownership of the situation financially and support the GF......if you really want her.

otherwise you have no room to talk. can't have your cake and eat it too.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

fallout1212 said:


> I know i should leave but i feel like i would be abandoning her cause i know how horrible she is going to end up if she stays


Stop playing knight in shining armor. She doesn't _want _to be saved. If she did, she'd have taken this chance to get away. Instead, she chose to go back.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

fallout1212 said:


> I need help.... Me and my gf have been together for about 14 months and everything between us is pretty decent except when her mom gets involved. MY gf is 27 and her mom lives with her, she was always a little hesitant for me to meet her cause she said she was crazy and i thought she was exaggerating ...nope she was 150% right . Her mom controls everything she does from how she lets her sleep , how long we take going to the store , everything is monitored no matter what it is. If her mom wants a pack of ciggs and doesnt get it she will flip out and just scream at her for hours just for that. She even accused her of having an abortion just from the fact that she got a bill from her primary doctor, she is crazy and will look for any reason to complain and fight . My gf has been so stressed from being her moms slave that i finally snapped and started letting her mom know how i feel . It ended with her mom throwing a piece of furniture at me and threatning to call the cops and make up somethnig that ive never done . so her mom kicked her out of her own apt and held my electronics hostage until i paid her back $3000 in "past" rent . But like i figured she went right back to her a week later and is pretending like nothing happened . now im the bad guy, i dont love her cause i dont want to go back to that situation . No matter what i do to help or how much her mom craps on her she wont leave her side .... idk what to do to get her out of that situation . She is to damn attached to her mom..... pleeeease give advice


How old are you? at 27 years old you need to start looking at long term solutions. This is late teen, maybe early adult garbage. Don't waste your life.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Think of this: If she sees this as an example of how to treat your children, imagine what she's gonna do if YOU have kids!


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