# Dating but still loving ex wife



## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

Hello friends, I've got separated six months ago and divorced three months ago. I started to date another woman while exactly three months ago. I'm 29 and i like my girlfriend but i still love my ex wife. I need help to overcome, i need help to set free my feelings. As i try hard to forget about her, the more i think about! I don't know what to do, i just want to stop loving my ex wife!


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You should probably stop dating for a while in order to give yourself a bit more time to heal.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Part of you always will love parts of your XW..... I'm 43, M 15 years.... I get your post 110%.

He!! I still love my 1st love from HS and that ended back in 1990.

Your XW was a manipulating trashcow in the end but I grant you, she was n angel going in.

Separate the two...... they ARE two DIFFERENT people

Give it time.......... maybe posting about your D will help you understand things


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

That means you are not ready for a serious relationship. Having fun is another matter and make sure people you date understand this and not to get too attached.

But, having another relationship will take away focus where it is most needed, yourself.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Not enough time. I dated too soon and still feel guilty about all the ladies that I led to believe I might be interested in, but really was just trying to get help getting my mind off things. Most of mine never made it to a date, and just talked online, but some I went out on one or two dates with, and just couldn't connect because I was still not over the ex. It's been 15 months since my ex told me she wanted a divorce that I had no clue was in the works. I'm still not 100%. I'm over the ex, but still grieving the loss of my family and dreams. It went like this for me: 1st few months of hell, seeing nothing but the good in her. next few months accepting that I had lost her for sure and there was no way to get her back and that I was getting a divorce for sure, next few months slowly seeing things in reality after the mental chaos of having my life and emotional well-being ripped apart, and the next few months getting over her, learning to be happy again, and seeing her for what she is and not what I thought she was. It takes time. And it hurts.
I'm sorry, and wish you luck. The smart and fair thing to do would be to not date for a while. You'll know when you're ready.


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> You should probably stop dating for a while in order to give yourself a bit more time to heal.


Sometimes i think about it but i like my girlfriend, she's a nice girl!


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> Part of you always will love parts of your XW..... I'm 43, M 15 years.... I get your post 110%.
> 
> He!! I still love my 1st love from HS and that ended back in 1990.
> 
> ...


Yeah, divorce sucks! It hurts for a while!


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

Mr.Fisty said:


> That means you are not ready for a serious relationship. Having fun is another matter and make sure people you date understand this and not to get too attached.
> 
> But, having another relationship will take away focus where it is most needed, yourself.


I tried to having fun, going to night clubs, picking up women... but it feels so empty!


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> Not enough time. I dated too soon and still feel guilty about all the ladies that I led to believe I might be interested in, but really was just trying to get help getting my mind off things. Most of mine never made it to a date, and just talked online, but some I went out on one or two dates with, and just couldn't connect because I was still not over the ex. It's been 15 months since my ex told me she wanted a divorce that I had no clue was in the works. I'm still not 100%. I'm over the ex, but still grieving the loss of my family and dreams. It went like this for me: 1st few months of hell, seeing nothing but the good in her. next few months accepting that I had lost her for sure and there was no way to get her back and that I was getting a divorce for sure, next few months slowly seeing things in reality after the mental chaos of having my life and emotional well-being ripped apart, and the next few months getting over her, learning to be happy again, and seeing her for what she is and not what I thought she was. It takes time. And it hurts.
> I'm sorry, and wish you luck. The smart and fair thing to do would be to not date for a while. You'll know when you're ready.


I'm sorry as weel, wish you luck too! Thanks for sharing your testimony!


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

nson said:


> Sometimes i think about it but i like my girlfriend, she's a nice girl!


So you think it's fair to her to jerk her around for your pleasure even though you're hung up on your ex wife? Does she know about this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Still loving someone and being in love with them are two separate things. 

A better question would be to ask NSON is he still in love with his XW


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Op you are in love with a fantasy, a what if everything was perfect scenario. As said above the person you are divorced from was not the person you married, something or someone changed.

Here's a question, if your ex called today and said "I'm sorry, let's try again", would you? If the answer is yes than you shouldn't be dating unless it's just for fun and the other person knows that, you're not emotionally available for another relationship yet. If the answer is no f***ing way than you are just hung up and missing what could have been, not the actual person who is your ex wife.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Stop wasting her (your current gf's) time and don't date again until you've worked through your feelings and healed yourself.


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

lifeistooshort said:


> So you think it's fair to her to jerk her around for your pleasure even though you're hung up on your ex wife? Does she know about this?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes she knows and she won't dump me! I don't jerk her aroung...What's wrong with you?


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

Cooper said:


> Op you are in love with a fantasy, a what if everything was perfect scenario. As said above the person you are divorced from was not the person you married, something or someone changed.
> 
> Here's a question, if your ex called today and said "I'm sorry, let's try again", would you? If the answer is yes than you shouldn't be dating unless it's just for fun and the other person knows that, you're not emotionally available for another relationship yet. If the answer is no f***ing way than you are just hung up and missing what could have been, not the actual person who is your ex wife.


Answering your question : NO! I woudn't!


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

I'm not playing games with my current girlfriend, i like her and she wants to be with my, she's aware of my feelings about my ex wife. Anyway, i'm trying hard to forget about her and move on and enjoy my date. That's the truth!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Nson.... had you told your g/f you have no feelings for your XW, she would have known you were lying.

What's in the past, stays in the past. It is not a sin to have remnant emotions about your XW

You remember who she was at one time..... you remember how she was near the end.

How long were you M? Any kids?

I still love my HS sweetheart but not the same way I did years ago.

I still love my college sweetheart but not the same way I did years ago.

I still love who my XW was.... a long time ago. But that person "died"

As long as the current g/f knows where you stand with your XW, you are being up front and honest


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

Chuck71 said:


> Nson.... had you told your g/f you have no feelings for your XW, she would have known you were lying.
> 
> What's in the past, stays in the past. It is not a sin to have remnant emotions about your XW
> 
> ...


We were married for almost 8 years. No kids!!!!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I assume you dated / M for roughly ten years. Impossible to simply forget each aspect of what was there.

He!! I still recall a girl I dated for about a month back in 1991... we just re-conn'd of FB.

To reflect, one has to remember. No M is 100% one person's fault for its demise.

Own your mistakes in the M, correct them, improve yourself for whoever is to be in your future.


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

I found out my ex is engaged to her ex boyfriend! That's tough to know! I hope i can overcome this betrayal feeling!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Your XW is an XW..... for a reason. Best I recall you are seeing a great gal......


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

nson said:


> Hello friends, *I've got separated six months ago *and divorced three months ago. I started to date another woman while exactly three months ago. I'm 29 and i like my girlfriend but i still love my ex wife. I need help to overcome, i need help to set free my feelings. As i try hard to forget about her, the more i think about! I don't know what to do, i just want to stop loving my ex wife!





nson said:


> *I found out my ex is engaged to her ex boyfriend!* That's tough to know! I hope i can overcome this betrayal feeling!


Was she cheating on you the entire marriage?


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

Ceegee said:


> Was she cheating on you the entire marriage?


I almost sure of that! I think i'm now an ex cuckold


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

nson said:


> I almost sure of that! I think i'm now an ex cuckold


Well, unless she told you she was cheating, she was lying to you the whole marriage.

You don't know this woman. How can you say you love her?

You love the woman you thought she was. 

That woman doesn't exist.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

You love the woman you wanted her to be.....

she showed you who she was..... believe her.

Even IF she ran back into your arms..... could you trust her?

I already know your answer..... you can not love in a healthy way, if you can not trust


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## movealong (Aug 9, 2013)

Chuck71 said:


> You love the woman you wanted her to be.....
> 
> *she showed you who she was..... believe her.*
> 
> ...


Best advice given to me after my XW and I started going down hill. I believe her.


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## nson (Aug 18, 2015)

Ceegee said:


> Well, unless she told you she was cheating, she was lying to you the whole marriage.
> 
> You don't know this woman. How can you say you love her?
> 
> ...


Yes i know that, sad but true!


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