# And back down I go....



## somuchinlove (Oct 10, 2011)

For the past few days, I have felt stronger than I have in a while. I have held my head up high. My H has not been able to get to me. I am trying not to argue at all with H. I have been doing very well. Until today...

Today H is trying his hardest to make me miserable. he knows I still love him and because of this he is finding it hard to just walk away. So he has resorted to saying things that are just mean and get under my skin. This way I will be mean to him and he can make me into the villain. I can only take so much and today I cracked.  I don't want to crack. I don't want him to have control over my emotions the way he does! I want to turn off my emotions and love for him like he has done to me. I don't want to feel this pain and he just keeps throwing it in my face. I am so alone right now. I am trying to be strong for my daughter but it is getting hard to bury the pain. I am crying and I don't know why. I don't know if it's the fact that my marriage has failed or that the man that I married is no longer available to me. Maybe it's the fact that he is kicking me and my child out in 60 (right before Christmas) or that we don't really have anywhere to go. I think it's that H can wake up one morning and decide what's best for him and cut me out. The fact that D is so easily obtainable is beyond me. After almost three weeks since he woke up that morning and D is on it's way. I can't believe this is my life....


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

Ouch, that all hurts. H can't "kick you out" without a legal eviction - is that what you are talking about? That he has gone through legal channels to have you evicted? Have you been in contact with an attorney? Let him know your H is trying to "kick you out" and that you fear for you, your daughter's and your possession's well being. Do this now.

As far as the emotions go, let them out. You are going to be a basket case if you keep stuffing your feelings and hoping they will turn into something they aren't. Find a trusted friend, spiritual counselor, or someone and pour it all out on them. You'll feel a lot stronger around H knowing that your emotions are valuable even if he's treating them, and you, like crap.


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## somuchinlove (Oct 10, 2011)

Mindful Coach said:


> You'll feel a lot stronger around H knowing that your emotions are valuable even if he's treating them, and you, like crap.


Thanks for that. This has been a very fast moving trip to rock bottom...and very unexpected. I am still spinning with all these feelings and H tells me to get over it, it is what it is, and sorry there is nothing I can do. I am having a very difficult time today dealing with his new attitude towards me. He has been a very loving, caring and sweet person since the day I met him until that day two weeks ago. It is just shocking...


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## Mindful Coach (Sep 15, 2011)

You're welcome. I know you must be devastated and him acting like an ass on top of being a cheating jerk doesn't help much.

Please contact an attorney right away. You really need to protect yourself. There are attorneys that will consult for free for the first consult, and some make take your case and charge him in the divorce for legal services.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I really don't think that he gets a say-so in kicking you out of the house without an actual divorce decree. Time to see a lawyer. I think your husband, in his current fog, will be easily intimidated.

I'm so sorry for your situation. I really wish your daughter could be shielded from his behavior.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Halien said:


> I really don't think that he gets a say-so in kicking you out of the house without an actual divorce decree. Time to see a lawyer. I think your husband, in his current fog, will be easily intimidated.
> 
> I'm so sorry for your situation. I really wish your daughter could be shielded from his behavior.


:iagree:


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## somuchinlove (Oct 10, 2011)

His dad technically owns the house and we were buying it from him. I guess he thinks I won't contact his dad about his threats to kick me out. Y'all are right. He doesn't have that authority over me. I wish I could leave now but my daughter is in school and sports and has obligations that we can't walk away from---unlike some people 

I did contact a lawyer who told me not to sign anything that he gives me. I am waiting for what ever papers he has for me and then I am going straight to my lawyer. H keeps saying that this will be real simple as long as I don't make it hard. I am tired of him trying to hold things over my head--trying to scare me. How dare he threatens to put me and my child out on the streets!

I do have a surprise for him though. I will play the game his way if he will accept a few of my terms. If not, I will turn this into a s**t storm! Even though I can't prove a PA, I can prove a EA. He isn't bright enough to know that in order to prove adultery in a marriage it has to be proof of PA. The minute I threaten to get a lawyer and go after him, I think he will be willing to agree to my terms. I know he doesn't want his dirty little secret out there---especially when it come to his very Catholic family. It might be blackmail but I feel like I have the upper hand now


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## somuchinlove (Oct 10, 2011)

I am fuming right now! My WH hasn't even technically filed for a D and he is running around town with the OW. He came home came home last night at 3am, left again around 8am, came back at 3:30 and said that he was going deep sea fishing and would be gone all night. He must think that I am completely stupid or something. I would have thought that he knew better after 7 years! He also said that neither me nor my daughter should text or call his phone because he wanted to enjoy the fishing. I had to point out that when he goes out for the night, I do not call or text him and I have not for over a week. He said I was lying and I was always bothering him...but whatever. He left and a hour later I GPS'd his cell phone. He is nowhere near the beach or the ocean! He is about 10 miles from home. The nerve of this man! How dare he disrespect me and my child and lie to our faces! Who the hell does he think he is? I can't understand why a man who says he is filing for D continues to lie to me. For what purpose?I can't stand liars! And he knows that! I was willing to wait for his butt to get out of this fog he is caught up in, but eff that! He doesn't have enough respect for me anymore. He has no love for me or my child. It's like he needs to hate me. I swear karma will get him back for all the wrongs he is doing. I am a good person and a great wife. My daughter is a wonderful girl who he has raised for over half her life! We have done nothing to deserve this type of treatment, especially from the man who has been are protector and provider for so long. He is garbage to me. I wash my hands of him forever. I deserve much better than this low life!!!


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## somuchinlove (Oct 10, 2011)

This weekend was crazy :scratchhead: I have been through so many emotions over the past few days, I think I am still spinning. H and I seem to have come to some sort of peaceful place. After a huge argument yesterday, H finally opened up to me about what has been going on in his life for the past three weeks. The biggest thing is that he is seeing a psychologist and realizes that he has some major issues he needs to address. He also asked me very nicely to please back off just a little bit. H says that he needs to learn how to think for himself and his Dr. thinks that even though our marriage is a good one, H will only end up destroying what we have with his behavior. Basically, H needs to be alone for a while. I swear after having this talk with him, a wave of understanding washed over me. I am sad that my marriage is about to end, but I am happy that my H is getting the help that he has needed for so long. It is truly a sweet sorrow...


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## somuchinlove (Oct 10, 2011)

This week has been a strange and confusing one for me. After receiving the error filled D papers, H said he would take care of the problem. Since that conversation, things have been great between us. H is coming home after work, spending time with the family, laughing, joking and being almost normal. He hasn't really spoken about the D but when he does, he gets really sad, depressed, even teary eyed. I should have received the corrected D papers today but I didn't. At this point, I don't even think he had them corrected. 

H has also been texting and phoning me all week long. For the past two weeks, he hasn't called and if he texted it was to tell me our marriage is over. The tone of the conversations has changed from downright mean to loving and sweet. Our physical attraction for each other is through the roof as well. Intimacy has been an issue in the past but there seems to be a new passion and I love it! 

I have a little hope that his actions are speaking louder than his words  I hope that he is having second thoughts about the D. His IC is going great and seems to be helping a lot. Maybe we could go to MC if he decides that this marriage is worth the work.


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## lafatherandhusband (Jul 21, 2010)

wow. your story sounds almost like mine, except i am the H and my W wanted out of the marriage last year. we went to INTENSIVE MC and it worked. REALLY well, for a while.....
i hope the best for you and your family. good luck.
tread carefully and don't confuse sex for love.


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