# Emails from son/daughter involving both...



## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

I would like to ask for your advice. 

My son is 25 (at home), daugher is 23 (lives abroad). When they have something to share (accomplishments, doubts, experiences...) they do it open sending an email to both of us their parents and the other (sister/brother). I used to answer to all, but even before the divorce I stopped doing it and answered directly with my comments/opinion without copying the rest. 

They might be wanting to still feel they are sharing as a family or wanting to save time sending just one email.

I dont know... what do you think?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I'm sure its much easier for them to just send the single email. Maybe reply to son and daughter and leave off the ex when you reply.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I don't know your story BB but why would you feel you need to leave your ex out of the group e-mail?

If y'all are able to co-parent well I'd think it would make more sense in some instances to allow your ex to see your reply so he could add to it constructively if he wanted.

If y'all are unable to co-parent well then..forget everything I just said.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I agree that it's likely a matter of convenience for them.

And there's not a darn thing wrong with only replying to the sender. You don't have to share everything.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

tacoma said:


> I don't know your story BB but why would you feel you need to leave your ex out of the group e-mail?
> 
> If y'all are able to co-parent well I'd think it would make more sense in some instances to allow your ex to see your reply so he could add to it constructively if he wanted.
> 
> If y'all are unable to co-parent well then..forget everything I just said.


We both have resentment to each other even though we have been able to work things out in an amicable way I think mostly for our son and daughter.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Bluebirdie said:


> We both have resentment to each other even though """we have been able to work things out in an amicable way I think mostly for our son and daughter""".


You kind of answered your own question, they are sending out a group message because you and the ex are amicable and they feel comfortable sharing their news with you both. You may be divorced but their dad will always be their dad. (I think you're the mom, correct?) 

Maybe instead of replying with a text place an actual call and let the kid know how proud you are and thank them for sharing the news.

I have said this before....when you have kids the marriage vow of "till death do we part" sticks even after divorce. Unless something really bad happens the other parent will always be part of the kids lives, and by association part of yours.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Cooper said:


> You kind of answered your own question, they are sending out a group message because you and the ex are amicable and they feel comfortable sharing their news with you both. You may be divorced but their dad will always be their dad. (I think you're the mom, correct?)
> 
> Maybe instead of replying with a text place an actual call and let the kid know how proud you are and thank them for sharing the news.
> 
> I have said this before....when you have kids the marriage vow of "till death do we part" sticks even after divorce. Unless something really bad happens the other parent will always be part of the kids lives, and by association part of yours.


that's just not always true. It really depends on the couple and the events leading to and after the divorce. It would be nice if everyone could co-parent, I suppose.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Pluto2 said:


> that's just not always true. It really depends on the couple and the events leading to and after the divorce. It would be nice if everyone could co-parent, I suppose.



But it is true. I don't necessarily mean you and the ex will be spending time with each other or ever communicating, but if both parents are involved in the kids lives there will always be some cross over stuff that needs to be dealt with. Things like birthday parties or family events, holidays, graduations, weddings, grandkids, all that stuff. It doesn't matter if you are amicable with your ex or hate each other and never speak, kids together means that the ex will almost always be in your life in some way, even if you never see them again.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

They are sending their news via email so they can reach all the people they want to share it with easily and conveniently. When you reply, include all the people you want to share your answer with.

I'd only get upset if you leave your ex off your reply, but your son or daughter puts your ex BACK on when they answer. Then they might need a small chat about how it is inappropriate to send an email containing personal information to a broader audience than the author intended.


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## Bluebirdie (Apr 26, 2014)

Thank you all for your answers. It really gives me different valuable perspectives and I will for sure evaluate more carefully when I answer. Sometimes it will be great to give one of my kids a call, sometimes send a direct message to the sender and sometimes copying all. Not sending just to the sender and copying his/her sister/brother taking out their dad sounds reasonable; it's good I have not done that  

I appreciate your opinions!


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