# H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion



## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

Hi everyone- i’ve never posted to a forum before. I’m a 52 yo woman with a teenager. I’ve been with husband for 23 years, married for 17. Most of that time we lived in his country, for the last 7 years we’ve lived in Europe. I’ve always worked full time and went back to work when our daughter was 3 months old. He works in the arts, as an organiser, not an artist. Sometimes he made money, most of the time he didn’t. I hoped a move to Europe would get him paid employment for what he does so well, so I would not be fighting with him about money and using our savings ( from my salary and from his wealthy family’s money) to fund his “passion”
In his country we had a fulltime nanny so he was not a SAHD. But he has always been a real good daddy. When we moved to Europe he initially had more childcare because she needed to be picked up from school for example. Still, the bulk of childcare has always fallen to me. He did take on the responsibility for housecleaning and cooking, after fights about it.
He goes home every year, sometimes twice, for 4-12 weeks at a time, to arrange a show and see his family and friends. ( I only go see my family every 3 years in the States so i think he should feel lucky. )lately i’ve insisted that he find the funding for his trips home himself- if it’s for “work” then i think his work should pay for it.
We got some money from his family a few years ago and he spent €4000 of it on a show he organised. 
Finally after 6 years he has a part time job in a restaurant. Its not ideal or well paid but the money is really crucial to us right now - various issues like purchasing an apartment, school fees for daughter, changes in my tax status reducing my salary have me really worried.
He’s had the job a year and now suddenly he’s talking about quitting because he can’t always take extended time off to pursue his passion. I’m panicking because of the finances.
i’ve told him that his passion is a hobby until he makes money. He is welcome to fund his hobby from his salary. i’ve offered alternatives- like finding a job in his field (he says that’s too hard, don’t know how to start), becoming a massage therapist (his idea, would give him control over his time, but he says he can’t invest the money to start) ... but his response now is to moan about how he is trapped and can’t even find the motivation to put together a proposal for a show because who knows if he has to keep working he can’t go home?
i work at a very demanding job full time ++ I wish i had had more time to spend with my daughter or with my family overseas but i’m the breadwinner and always have been. I don’t get to choose. Why should he?
I’ve also said he should just move back, pursue his passion, and send us the equivalent of his salary here (€700 /month). He says that’s unreasonable. It would be sad to separate him from his daughter but it might be better than her hearing us fight.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

The short answer is that your husband needs to grow up and be responsible.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> I’ve also said he should just move back, pursue his passion, and send us the equivalent of his salary here (€700 /month). He says that’s unreasonable. It would be sad to separate him from his daughter but it might be better than her hearing us fight.


And this is what a divorce looks like. Your H has the choice. Be part of the overall financial picture as a couple or he simply cuts a check every month while he is away chasing his "passion". Let him know your passions and are going to pursue them instead of having meaningful employment. It is up to him to finance the monthly expenditures. See what his response is.


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

Thanks - that’s what I think. So tired of trying to get this across.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> i’ve told him that his passion is a hobby until he makes money. He is welcome to fund his hobby from his salary.


Yes!!! Stick to that! That is a reasonable, solid, enforceable boundary. Don't flinch, no matter what. T




Podry said:


> i’ve offered alternatives- like finding a job in his field (he says that’s too hard, don’t know how to start),


Also reasonable.... although his response isn't. If it's "his field," how does he not know how to start? That makes no sense. More importantly, if he can't find something in his field for whatever reason, it is incumbent on him to look elsewhere. 

When you get right down to reality, only a tiny sliver of the worlds' population gets to earn a living doing something they actually want to do. The very first thing necessary for a "grown-up" as opposed to a child, is to be able to tell, and do, what one should do rather than what one wants to do. Any shirking of that basic reality is shirking one's most basic responsibility as a competent human being. 

Oh, and as for being a "good daddy," the definition of that also includes setting a good example as an adult. Being a drain on family resources is not the calling card of a good daddy no matter how good his interactions are with his daughter.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> Thanks - that’s what I think. So tired of trying to get this across.


Part of the problem is this, "trying to get this across". It's not your job to get this across to him. He's learned that he can push you around and take advantage of you because you have weak boundaries. I'm not trying to be mean. My point is to get you to realize that you have to set a boundary and stand by it.

A boundary is not about controlling the other person; it's about what you are willing and not willing to live with.

https://coachjackito.com/blog/husband-doesnt-respect-boundaries/

https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-qa/husband-refuses-to-work/

It seems that over the years your husband has come to see you as his mother who takes care of him. He's the child in this relationship. What do most children do when their mother just complains and takes no action? They double down on their bratty behavior. 

So how do you set and keep these boundaries?

A good boundary is "I will not pay for you chasing your passion." Then refuse to pay for it. I think you said you have already done this. Keep it up.

Another good boundary is "I only support myself and my child." What does this look like? You maintain separate bank accounts. If he wants to buy a coffee, that's his problem. You do not pay for anything that he wants, no clothing, no toiletries, etc etc. He's big boy, he can figure out how to get his stuff.

Another good boundary is "I will only spend time on myself and my child." This means that you don't do his laundry; you don't clean for him; you do not pick up after him. Get a hamper and just put his laundry in it. When he has no clean clothing to wear, he'll figure out how to get clean clothing. If he leaves stuff around the house, get a box/basket and just throw everything in that. He can put it away. When it get over flowing and he does not put the stuff away, throw it away. This works, I did this. He had to 'save' his stuff from me because he learned I would throw it out. He also learned to use the washer/dryer. Do not run any errands for him.

If these sorts of things do not wake him up, then divorce is your next step. To be honest you would be doing him a favor setting these types of boundaries and even divorcing him. Why? Because he has had no need to grow up all these years, he had a mommy (you) to take care of him. What do parent birds do with their chicks when the time comes? If they will not leave, the parents push them out of the nest and make them go their own way.

If you divorce your husband he will have to grow up. Setting your boundaries, and strictly enforcing them will give him a chance to wake-up/grow-up. If he does not the push him out of the nest and divorce him.

I agree with Rocky Mountain Yeti, your husband is not a good daddy. A good daddy is a responsible adult who teaches their child how to live their life in a good productive manner, mostly by example. What you and your husband are teaching your daughter is that this is all she can expect when she's an adult.. some guy who takes advantage of her. And from you she's learning that there is nothing she can do to get out of this type of situation.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

A man refusing to work is a dealbreaker for me. That isnt a partner. What you are expressing is not unreasonable, you just need to decide what it means for you... will you continue as you have been, being the primary support and parent, or will this be your last straw?


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Your husband acts like a child because you have treated him and taken care of him like a child. Stop doing that, and he will get his act together. Even if he doesn't, he won't be living off you and his own kid anymore.

There shouldn't be any arguments for your daughter to hear. You need to state what you have to say and leave it at that. Stop arguing with him. He only argues because he's a child trying to convince mommy - who treats him like a child - to let him have his way. Stop allowing him to engage you.

I think it was ridiculous to tell him to use his salary to finance his passion. If he doesn't earn much, how is it he has any of it to spare? Why are you so concerned about and accommodating of his hobby? It's because you indulge him as if he's a child. You want him happy but I don't know why. Nothing in his makeup or his marriage encourages him to be responsible. After he spends his money, or any portion of it, on his passion, you're still the one taking care of him, but he should be paying at least half of all household necessities and other expenses.

People don't understand they create their own monsters.


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

Also reasonable.... although his response isn't. If it's "his field," how does he not know how to start? That makes no sense. More importantly, if he can't find something in his field for whatever reason, it is incumbent on him to look elsewhere.

yes i know- is it fear of failure? i’ve offered names addresses links - even suggested he see a career counsellor, whose fee would be worth it if he/she could get him started. But nothing ever comes of my supportive suggestions, or my not so supportive complaints


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

sorry all - i’d like to reply to you individually, and quote from your answers, but i can’t figure out how to do it. Can you help?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

So, you married a guy that likes to have sex with you, make babies, doesn't do much of the chores or take care of the baby that much, refuses to work but likes taking your money and takes his family's money as well while moaning about doing anything a man actually does?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> Also reasonable.... although his response isn't. If it's "his field," how does he not know how to start? That makes no sense. More importantly, if he can't find something in his field for whatever reason, it is incumbent on him to look elsewhere.
> 
> yes i know- is it fear of failure? i’ve offered names addresses links - even suggested he see a career counsellor, whose fee would be worth it if he/she could get him started. But nothing ever comes of my supportive suggestions, or my not so supportive complaints


Because he does not need to. You are paying all the bills. Why should he bother? You need to address this head on.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> sorry all - i’d like to reply to you individually, and quote from your answers, but i can’t figure out how to do it. Can you help?


At the bottom left of each post are 4 buttons "Edit" "Quote" "Multi-Quote" and "Quick-Reply"

"Edit" - allows you to edit a post you authored.
"Quote" - will open an advanced reply screen with the selected post quoted. You can then reply to that post.
"Multi-Quote" - this option no longer seems to work.. ignore it I guess
"Quick-Reply" - this will take you to the quick reply tool at the bottom of a thread page and it does not set up a quote


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> sorry all - i’d like to reply to you individually, and quote from your answers, but i can’t figure out how to do it. Can you help?


For the posts you would like to quote click on the QUOTE button in the post you want to respond. Then respond below the quote.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> ... although his response isn't. If it's "his field," how


My field is restoring classic cars. My JOB is in transportation. I move freight. I have people to feed and bills to pay. It is called a J O B. Your H needs to wake up and join the real world. It appears your H "field" are hobbies and not real jobs.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*

I don't necessarily fault him for not making a significant income. When the genders are reversed, it's quite common for the man to work and the woman to not work at all or just work low-paying part-time jobs. However, in those cases, the woman is generally making a significant contribution to the household in non-monetary ways. She may be the primary caregiver to the children, primary maintenance of the household, etc. There is an equality of household contribution: one person contributes money while the other contributes time and effort.

Unfortunately, your H has the maturity of a spoiled boy instead of a man. He feels entitled to make his life all about chasing his own dreams. That's the mentality of a single person, not the mentality of a husband and father. And to make matters worse, he's using your money and effort to enable him to live his dream life without giving you the appropriate respect and appreciation.

I think you have to be firm with him and say either he gets a real job or the marriage is over. He's too unreliable to allow him to try to make money here and there. He needs to get a regular, 40-hour a week job. I expect he'll react like a kid who's told he has to come in from playing to clean his room, but oh well. He's a big boy now and has to have big boy responsibilities.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



wilson said:


> *I don't necessarily fault him for not making a significant income. When the genders are reversed, it's quite common for the man to work and the woman to not work at all or just work low-paying part-time jobs. * However, in those cases, the woman is generally making a significant contribution to the household in non-monetary ways. She may be the primary caregiver to the children, primary maintenance of the household, etc. There is an equality of household contribution: one person contributes money while the other contributes time and effort.
> 
> Unfortunately, your H has the maturity of a spoiled boy instead of a man. He feels entitled to make his life all about chasing his own dreams. That's the mentality of a single person, not the mentality of a husband and father. And to make matters worse, he's using your money and effort to enable him to live his dream life without giving you the appropriate respect and appreciation.
> 
> I think you have to be firm with him and say either he gets a real job or the marriage is over. He's too unreliable to allow him to try to make money here and there. He needs to get a regular, 40-hour a week job. I expect he'll react like a kid who's told he has to come in from playing to clean his room, but oh well. He's a big boy now and has to have big boy responsibilities.


We have had a good number of men come to TAM complaining that their wife unilaterally decided to quit work (or not work) once she started having children or just because that's what she wants. Issues such as whether one or both spouse earns an income and provides financial support in a marriage should be a joint decision. In every one of these cases, the consensus on TAM is that the wife's unilateral decision to stay home is unacceptable... this has to be a joint decision in a marriage.

I agree that the OP's situation is further compounded with the fact that her husband take little no responsibility for household chores and child care.


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> Podry said:
> 
> 
> > sorry all - i’d like to reply to you individually, and quote from your answers, but i can’t figure out how to do it. Can you help?
> ...


thanks- on the mobile site it seems you need to tick the box and then these options show as icons along the top


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> The short answer is that your husband needs to grow up and be responsible.


 sadly he is quite responsible when his work is going well- responsibly organising and handling huge sums of money and timelines and schedules and people. i think his background coming from a wealthy family set him up to see work as a choice not a necessity


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

wilson said:


> I don't necessarily fault him for not making a significant income. When the genders are reversed, it's quite common for the man to work and the woman to not work at all or just work low-paying part-time jobs. However, in those cases, the woman is generally making a significant contribution to the household in non-monetary ways. She may be the primary caregiver to the children, primary maintenance of the household, etc. There is an equality of household contribution: one person contributes money while the other contributes time and effort


I should be fair- he does most of the dinner cooking ( and shopping) which is great because he did go to culinary school. He also does most of the regular cleaning and over the years in this role he’s taken it more seriously without accusing me of ordering him around. He still feels unappreciated for what he does in the house even though i make it a point to always thank him for cleaning and for cooking. i think if genders were reversed though no one would tell me how lucky i am my wife cooks, and might notice that i prepare breakfasts and lunches for two, every single day.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

You married a flaky man-child. An "artist" no less. 

Accept him as he is or move on. There is really no middle ground. You two have very different values at the fundamental level and no amount of talking, therapy or begging is going to make a bit of difference.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

He is who he is and that will never change. You either accept that lot in life or you dump him and move on.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*

In the ''artists'' community and considered becoming a masseuse?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*

The precedent has been set by _you_ for your entire relationship...that _you_ are the breadwinner. Him working has _always been optional_. This is what he is used too, and the way it will most likely stay. 

If you don’t want to do it anymore, then you have to make a choice.


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

OnTheFly said:


> In the ''artists'' community and considered becoming a masseuse?


what is your point? he is a Producer and Organiser of music events, not an artist, as i made clear in my original post. He has been very active and is respected in the Arts Community in his country. He has talked about taking a massage course and becoming a masseuse, a well respected profession in his country, Europe and the US. Am i reading something into your comment that’s not there?


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

Spicy said:


> The precedent has been set by _you_ for your entire relationship...that _you_ are the breadwinner. Him working has _always been optional_. This is what he is used too, and the way it will most likely stay.
> 
> If you don’t want to do it anymore, then you have to make a choice.


You are right Thanks for stating this in such a clear and non judgemental way.


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

Marc878 said:


> He is who he is and that will never change. You either accept that lot in life or you dump him and move on.


yep, you’re right. thank you


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

zookeeper said:


> You married a flaky man-child. An "artist" no less.
> 
> Accept him as he is or move on. There is really no middle ground. You two have very different values at the fundamental level and no amount of talking, therapy or begging is going to make a bit of difference.


he is a Producer and Organiser of music events, not an artist, as i made clear in my original post. He has been very active and is respected in the Arts Community in his country. Unfortunately that professional respect hasn’t manifested itself in money often enough.
your comment, though a bit snarky, is helpful in that it encourages me to focus on what values we do share and stop trying to shape the ones we don’t. i think therapy may help with that.


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## Podry (Aug 8, 2019)

Yeswecan said:


> Podry said:
> 
> 
> > ... although his response isn't. If it's "his field," how
> ...


I KNOW RIGHT? My hope was in europe he’d look around and see that people have jobs to pay their bills, and society respects and protects you with employment laws and wages etc. So it goes both ways - in his country many people work like crazy but make next to nothing, and some people just drift, kinda working, kinda not.
anyway i’m hoping he will wake up
more- i had given up after 6 years and then he suddenly got a job!


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> what is your point? he is a Producer and Organiser of music events, not an artist, as i made clear in my original post. He has been very active and is respected in the Arts Community in his country. He has talked about taking a massage course and becoming a masseuse, a well respected profession in his country, Europe and the US. Am i reading something into your comment that’s not there?


Good luck!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



Podry said:


> Finally after 6 years he has a part time job in a restaurant. Its not ideal or well paid but the money is really crucial to us right now - various issues like purchasing an apartment, school fees for daughter, changes in my tax status reducing my salary have me really worried.


Sometimes it comes down to basic math. Does he oversee any of the finances to understand the consequences?

Reality is, school fees and your combined outgoings don't care whether he is pursuing his passion or not. 



Podry said:


> He’s had the job a year and now suddenly he’s talking about quitting because he can’t always take extended time off to pursue his passion. I’m panicking because of the finances. I’ve told him that his passion is a hobby until he makes money. He is welcome to fund his hobby from his salary. i’ve offered alternatives- like finding a job in his field (he says that’s too hard, don’t know how to start), becoming a massage therapist (his idea, would give him control over his time, but he says he can’t invest the money to start) ... but his response now is to moan about how he is trapped and can’t even find the motivation to put together a proposal for a show because who knows if he has to keep working he can’t go home?


He is putting himself between a rock and a hard place, but for anything to change, including moving forward towards his passion... he needs to do something to propel him in some way. While you have tried to help with suggestions, maybe he needs to seek out a mentor or start talking to others to discover opportunities. However, that comes down to him. I agree with other posts about your boundaries.

Often when I post here, I relate to my own experiences, and the small snippet I can offer that may be somewhat relatable is when I wanted to change industries. As I took a dip in salary to do this, and started study, my husband and I planned on an agreed time-frame in which I was to earn a certain salary again. This meant I needed to fast-track my journey, with some fortune (and/or hustle) on my side. His encouragement helped me gain bigger balls to get there and not drag my feet in the process; some side steps were made, while keeping to my values. I'm currently in a leadership role, and taken on more in-depth study, getting ready to further progress - to support the lifestyle we enjoy, and the challenge it brings me, within a field I feel strongly about.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



EleGirl said:


> I agree that the OP's situation is further compounded with the fact that her husband take little no responsibility for household chores and child care.


Actually, I think the OP says initially (and in a subsequent post to yours) that he does do most of the cleaning and cooking, but not the child care as much.


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



EleGirl said:


> We have had a good number of men come to TAM complaining that their wife unilaterally decided to quit work (or not work) once she started having children or just because that's what she wants. Issues such as whether one or both spouse earns an income and provides financial support in a marriage should be a joint decision. In every one of these cases, the consensus on TAM is that the wife's unilateral decision to stay home is unacceptable... this has to be a joint decision in a marriage.



In OP's case, I don't think it is as much as he is "not working", but rather that he is "underemployed". He works haphazardly in an organizational position in the Arts that doesn't earn as much as the OP thinks he should.

And I'm not sure I agree that the consensus on TAM is so strong in the case of a reversal of the sexes. If there is such a consensus, my feeling it would be more like a 55%-45% in favor of telling the woman to work more and 95%-5% in favor of telling the man to work more. (I didn't take any tally on the threads, just using arbitrary numbers to illustrate my perception.) So if there is a consensus, I feel it is a weaker consensus than with the sexes reversed. 

And I don't think most posters in such threads come out and say that the weaker consensus is because of traditional roles. There are a few who do outright essentially say "a man needs to be working if he is man" or some similar sentiment, but they are a minority. I think most of the difference that I see is because there seems to be a lower threshold to accept weak excuses of why they can't/shouldn't work a full time job or look for a better job from a woman, compared to accepting the equivalent excuses from a man. 

Getting back to the OP, what is he saying about not making much money in his current employment situation? Is he willing to live a lower standard of living than you are willing to live? Does he have some sort of fantasy that he is going to suddenly hit it big in his current occupation? At some level, I imaging he is giving you his perspective of the unequal financial contributions to the family finances---what is he saying about it? It may be rationalization, but what are the responses he gives you?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

LOL

Even a deadbeat can find an advocate on TAM


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*



personofinterest said:


> LOL
> 
> Even a deadbeat can find an advocate on TAM


He isn't a deadbeat. Not as such.

He doesn't want to work, he wants to follow his passion.

However, like you, I was astonished to realise that being a mooch could actually be a passion or a career option? 

@Podry he is, as we Brits say, taking the mickey out of you and your children. Please don't let him do that any longer? After all, he should set a good example to them.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

*Re: H doesn’t want to work- wants to explore his passion*

Once you have somebody depending on you (a child or partner), you have a responsibility to do your part to support the family unit you have formed. The only exception is if someone relieves you of that responsibility, as might be the case if you have a well-off partner.

Your H doesn't have to make every dollar possible unless he's in a poorly paying profession or has chronic money issues. But he has to regularly work to fund a decent home; adequate food, clothing, transportation, and medical care; *an emergency fund; and a realistic retirement plan*. I emphasized those last two because there are still people out there who think all is good as long as the bills got paid this month.

If his passion doesn't cover at least 50% of those costs noted above, his passion is a hobby, not a profession. A hobby is something that gets resources (time, money, space) only when those needs listed above have been met. It doesn't displace family needs.

We've had this general issue before. Once there was a guy who wanted to quit his job and run a small farm, with no prior experience. Another person wanted to spend a large amount of money (relative to family resources) to go to school for something which would not generate more income. The answer is always the same - meeting family needs and not unreasonably burdening your partner come first. Most people work to pay the bills and not because they are passionate about what they do; demanding that you be allowed to follow your passion while burdening your family is simply not acceptable.


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## Adam Kol (Jul 19, 2019)

Hey, Podry! Sounds like you've got a challenging situation on your hands. I can feel the frustration and even maybe hopelessness as you suggest that him moving away from you and your daughter to pursue his passion would be better than having her see you two fight.

It seems like you're still interested in making this relationship work -- is that right? I'll reply assuming that's the case. I recommend exploring 2 main ideas:

(1) Shame/his feelings: what looks on the outside like a man being a jerk or a child is often a pot of shame boiling over on the inside. Men are socialized to internalize the idea that our worth comes from our ability to succeed professionally and take care of our families. He probably feels a lot of shame about his repeated failures at his productions. 

If you two are going to recreate intimacy, he'll have to work through this. You can't force him to, but you *can* create the space for him to do so. Right now, he's probably too deep in the pain/shame to unravel that all. So, how can you support that process? By being responsible for your role in things.

(2) Responsible: how can you responsible for the negative impacts of your actions or inactions? How can you see that they may have led to what is currently unworkable? I don't mean this from a place of morality -- you're not bad, and you didn't do anything wrong. You were trying to do the right thing, and presumably you've gotten desperate. Nevertheless, from a perspective of how to make this work -- your actions and inactions impacted him negatively.

For example, when you suggest that he moves home and away from your daughter to pursue his productions, he probably feels like a giant loser. That you've waited until you all had a financial panic to address this has probably contributed to him feeling trapped. Take an honest, hard look and see.

Once you've discerned everything you can take responsibility for, communicate this to him. Make sure to give him space to reply. Validate everything he says. And a new life may await you.


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