# Sex is getting harder......seriously ;(



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

From the once declared, own every toy, done everything in the bedroom 100x over, I seem to be the one with the issue now ;(

I'm early 40's and I've always been the stereotypical always horny guy. The wife and I always joke "If I'm not groping, making comments , or trying to get some then there is a problem!!" and when I stop "there is definitely a problem."

Well, that day has arrived, this is the problem............it's getting really hard to reach orgasm these days. To the point that it literally is too much work and it's affecting our sexual relationship. Handjobs, blowjobs, anything resembling spontaneous sex I won't finish.....I will but I have to super focused and I can tell in the first 5-10 minutes if I will be able to finish usually. Regardless of what anyone thinks time a 15 min blowjob and ask your wife how her mouth feels afterwards......it's cruel and unusual punishment. I remember the days of counting sheep or thinking of coworkers to try not to finish lol no it's the exact opposite.

We have gone almost 3 weeks with no sex (longest in 19 years) will probably have sex this weekend, but has any other guy gone through this? I've only finished once out of the last 5 times we have had sex we were pushing a hour (total time) and finally, but again like a workout.

I've googled and it seems to be part of the aging process for some guys with no real fix. 

Maybe this is how women feel most of there life lol.

I've had full blood work recently all good, T levels all good, nothing out of the ordinary. Stress at work could be a factor, but it's not like I have a ton more than normal just now maybe I can't handle it as well physiologically?

So, any guys have this can "cum" issue?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I am 54 years old and this was one of the many reasons why I completely stopped masturbating to conclusion. Even if I watch porn by myself I will masturbate, but never to orgasm.
Saving myself 100% for my wife completely fixed the issue. 
At the moment I can cum in 30 seconds or 30 minutes, whichever suits the moment.

It's at least worth a shot. pun intended


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Try having sex with the purpose of avoiding orgasm! You start to learn about what you have been missing since you seemed SO FOCUSED on just one small aspect of lovemaking. 

Regards, 
Badsanta


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Not uncommon. As with ED, the biggest cause is worrying about it. There is a really good chance that if the stress goes away the problem will as well.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I wouldn't accept it as a fact of life, and write sex off just because of reduced penis sensation (RPS). There are many possible causes, and most can be addressed. Poor circulation due to sitting long hours during the day and not getting enough physical exercise, smoking, excessive drinking, stress, and even rough clothing or aggressive masturbation can reduce penis sensation.

I would try a penis vitamin oil such as Man 1 Man Oil. I can't attest to its effectiveness but I've heard it works for some people to increase sensitivity. Sex is too important to me to not try every avenue to keep that part of my life active.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i'm not so sure it's an aging thing.

i have kept mental notes on my sexual response for many years. 

as a much younger guy (30's) i remember going through periods where i couldn't get off, or at least had a really hard time
for up to week, week and a half, and then the problem would go away for weeks or months only to resurface again.
nor do i think it's stress related either.

now, 20-25 years later the same thing occurs, so i'm convinced it's not age related.

personally, i believe it's cyclical. testosterone levels and other metabolic levels fluctuate on any given day/week/month.
and there are so many factors that govern these that they are not understood by science or medicine and way to complex for anyone to analyze.

so, i wouldn't worry about it unless it lasts more than 1-2 months. how long has this actually been going on that you know?


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

Anxiety and stress are huge contributors here, and you worrying about it increases both. Just as with premature-ejaculation and erectile dysfunction, you need to ACCEPT today's situation. I want you to realize that it is OKAY and not a big deal. Doing this does not mean you are giving up the fight or allowing a disease to persist. There are common causes or contributors, like certain medications, or alcohol usage, but anxiety and stress are the number one cause. Do NOT look at sex as something you do to ejaculate. Focus purely on the feeling of emotional, sexual and physical connectedness. Stop zeroing in your attention on your penis. Embrace the moment. Be extremely communicative with your partner. Let her know everything, but also let her know what you want to do to restore the connection to your sexual satisfaction - it will increase the bedroom experience for her too. This is a problem that can go away as soon as you don't see it as a problem, literally.


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

OhGeesh said:


> Well, that day has arrived, this is the problem............it's getting really hard to reach orgasm these days. To the point that it literally is too much work and it's affecting our sexual relationship. Handjobs, blowjobs, anything resembling spontaneous sex I won't finish.....I will but I have to super focused and I can tell in the first 5-10 minutes if I will be able to finish usually. Regardless of what anyone thinks time a 15 min blowjob and ask your wife how her mouth feels afterwards......it's cruel and unusual punishment. I remember the days of counting sheep or thinking of coworkers to try not to finish lol no it's the exact opposite.


I've got this issue, and I'm in my 30's. I've been like this as long as I can remember, and it causes a lot of issues in the bedroom. I've always just rolled with it. If I don't orgasm, yeah, I get frustrated, but I don't let it bother me too much. I'll usually just have sex till she's done, and call it good. 

And you're right about anything past a 10-15 minute blowjob being torture to most women. 

If anyone has some trick for fixing this, I'm all ears.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Do you have a good diet and exercise regularly?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My boyfriend has this issue not infrequently. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure at age 40 and, despite otherwise good health, he has all of the circulatory, breathing and stamina issues you'd expect from a man with a serious heart condition. Sometimes he just isn't going to have an orgasm. I'm a pretty healthy late-30's woman, and sometimes it's just not happening for me either. We both enjoy our intimacy even without an orgasm every time, so we take it in stride. If he knows it's not happening this time, he takes care of me and/or stops when he needs to and we don't worry about it. I'll take care of him later or the next day or whenever he wants to try again. He does the same for me. 

Now, if it became a very frequent issue, it would certainly warrant a visit with his cardiologist.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

UMP said:


> I am 54 years old and this was one of the many reasons why I completely stopped masturbating to conclusion. Even if I watch porn by myself I will masturbate, but never to orgasm.
> Saving myself 100% for my wife completely fixed the issue.
> At the moment I can cum in 30 seconds or 30 minutes, whichever suits the moment.
> 
> It's at least worth a shot. pun intended


Just like UMP and about the same age. I think the recovery time to get a second orgasm increases a whole lot. When I was younger, I could masturbate in the morning and still have sex with the wife that night not problem. But, I found as I got older, even thought I could get erect, a second orgasm of the day became difficult if not impossible.

I too completely gave up porn although even before I could take it or leave it and now rarely ever orgasm without sex with the wife. Giving up masturbation was tough, I tried "cutting down" etc. but I finally just completely quit. I might get aroused occasionally, but skip the do it yourself orgasm. 

That was 10 years ago and still no problems having orgasms from just sex.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

woodyh said:


> Just like UMP and about the same age. I think the recovery time to get a second orgasm increases a whole lot. When I was younger, I could masturbate in the morning and still have sex with the wife that night not problem. But, I found as I got older, even thought I could get erect, a second orgasm of the day became difficult if not impossible.
> 
> I too completely gave up porn although even before I could take it or leave it and now rarely ever orgasm without sex with the wife. Giving up masturbation was tough, I tried "cutting down" etc. but I finally just completely quit. I might get aroused occasionally, but skip the do it yourself orgasm.
> 
> That was 10 years ago and still no problems having orgasms from just sex.


I still watch porn in my man cave. Sometimes I don't even pull out mr. happy. It just gets my mind in gear. It all translates to more desire for my wife.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

I started a walking program of 2-3 miles a day. Really helps keep everything working.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

At your age, I'd be certain to have a talk with a cardiologist or your general practitioner. No matter how healthy you seem to be, it's a concern. I'd also consider age related worry over what is left of life questions to be a concern, even when you don't think they are. Today, I honestly think it's part of a sort of male menopause type thing, maybe male perimenopause? I'm not an expert. It's just a self-educated guess. 

If you have an understanding wife like Rowan and you are willing to make it happen for your wife when she wants you, I think, with talk and some active work to find out what is going on and finding a real solution will put you in the best place you could hope to be within your marriage. It may pass, or you may discover something that works to repair the issue. 

Exercising and eating well can't hurt. Gotta see that doctor and maybe a counselor, though.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

My SO has this problem and it is prostate related.

It often takes over an hour for him to finish, and I've dealt out bjs of over half an hour.

It does have an upside because as long as he isn't being selfish about it, it means more for me.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I know your problem but it hit me a little later in life. This is how we fixed it but you probably will think I am nuts. We got into what is called Chastity Play. My wife controls my orgasms and only gives me a few each year. We still have regular sex but only my wife gets to orgasm. Doing that takes the pressure off of me to get erect and orgasm, so sex is a lot better. My wife is having the best orgasms of her life now that she does not have to work long and hard to make me orgasm. She can lay back and just enjoy being pleasured without having to do anything in return. 

Now for the weirder part. I wear a custom made chastity device, a cage like thing that fits over my penis and locks. It prevents me from masturbating and even feeling myself. Just wearing it sexually arouses me. When I am permitted an orgasm, it is so intense that it almost hurts. We started this 4 years ago after first thinking it was a very stupid idea but a couple I knew had successfully done it, so we tried. It took our failing sex life and rejuvenated it. My wife loves to tease me daily and I have become addicted to feeling sexually aroused all the time. 

An orgasm lasts about 5-10 seconds out of whatever time you spend having sex. I still get to enjoy everything else during sex, especially my wife bringing me to the edge a dozen times and not letting me ejaculate. Some days I feel like you feel just before you orgasm, for hours. Well worth giving up some of my orgasms for. We are now as intimate as we were when we married. My wife loves how much attention I give her and that I consider her sexy and desirable. Neither of us misses my ED and difficulty in achieving an orgasm. It has made sex more enjoyable all because I tried something I thought was stupid. We are on year 4 of our chastity lifestyle.

Chastity play has gone mainstream with plastic one size fits all devices that are not only sold in online sex stores but also in major drugstore chains on their internet sites. They are sold as aids to eliminate masturbation. Millions are sold in the US each year. If you research it, disregard the websites that incorporate chastity with BDSM or Female Domination. Those sites are nothing more than mastrubation fodder. Chastity can be part of many sexual fetishes but it can also stand on its own without any Dominance and submission games. You can determine how long between orgasms or let your wife do so. My wife will tease me every time we have sex and when I get hard and she sees that I am close to having an orgasm, she lets me have. It I knew that I was expected to orgasm, I would have performance anxiety and not be able to perform. 

It worked for us and worked very well. Tonight I will be edged for an hour while my wife will enjoy one or two intense orgasms. I have even learned to take pleasure in her orgasms which often leave me feeling like I had one too. It is like Tantric sex where you hold back your orgasms for a period of time and just concentrate on the more intimate aspects of sex like extended foreplay and pleasing your wife. It has been three week since my last orgasm and my wife sometimes lets me wait 3-4 months but will also let me orgasm in 2-3 weeks. She knows me and my body and can determine when I really need to have an orgasm. If I am in physical or mental distress due to chastity, she will give me an orgasm. She does love me after all and we do not do the crazy stuff we first read about that scared us off chastity. My wife is no dominatrix and has no desire to run our marriage. All we have done is a power exchange for sex. I used to control our sex life and my wife gave me plenty of orgasms when she was not in the mood for one herself. She has allowed me to have sex with her girlfriend when she was not in the mood for sex. She always took care of my sexual needs either directly or indirectly. Now it is her turn to have the sexual power and she just loves teasing and denying me. 

P.S. - you do not have to use a chastity device. You can just go on the honor system and promise not to masturbate. If you cannot orgasm then it is easier for you. I do not even get horny until after 3 or 4 weeks so it is a cake walk for me. What made it work for us is that we did it our way rather than try to follow what others were doing.


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## Gert B Frobe (May 6, 2011)

I always, in my younger days, prided myself on going forever before I climaxed. But the older I got, the harder is was for me to get there. Not for lack of being hard, just need extra stimulus. Like one time my wife put the tip of her finger in my butt. I just shot almost instantly. Try things like that. Once you get control of when you cum, it's hard to get back to normal.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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