# I want to do everything myself



## Wifeynow

I have a parent who is going to die soon, 3 months the doctor says. My response has been to try and be strong and responsible, and stop communicating with people in my life (sister I used to be close to, my husband, etc.) I even want to try and find a hypnotherapist to teach me not to cry, during the death, at the funeral, to maintain dignity at all times. Has anyone else ever felt this way? Thanks!


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## FeministInPink

Wifeynow said:


> I have a parent who is going to die soon, 3 months the doctor says. My response has been to try and be strong and responsible, and stop communicating with people in my life (sister I used to be close to, my husband, etc.) I even want to try and find a hypnotherapist to teach me not to cry, during the death, at the funeral, to maintain dignity at all times. Has anyone else ever felt this way? Thanks!


I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I don't yet know what it is like to lose a parent. I haven't felt this way, at least not to this extent... when my grandmother passed away several years ago, I didn't feel like I could cry or be emotional about it with my (now ex-)husband, but I was OK being emotional around family. Are you the oldest child? Sometimes older children feel they have to be strong, to be there for everyone else, to take care of things. When you're used to being everyone else's rock, it's difficult to let go and lean on other people when you really need the support. Rather than finding a hypnotherapist, why not find a regular therapist to help you work through your grief.

And please, don't shut other people out, especially not your husband. He will want to be there for you, let him support you. Be vulnerable with him, let him be your rock. This level of emotional intimacy will strengthen your bond. Pushing him away will weaken it.

Being able to show emotion and to be vulnerable in this way isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength.


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## EleGirl

It's not unusual to not want to cry, or to not cry at all. It's not unusual to want to be left alone and just take care of things.

You need to learn to give yourself permission to feel what you feel. Feelings just are. But then, with that permission, you also need to take care of yourself.

Have you considered counseling to help you handle this?


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