# Your Sexual Match



## Lifeisgood777 (Feb 21, 2018)

The number-one sexual need of men was mutual satisfaction: 67% of men said, “I want my wife to be satisfied.” This has to do with a man’s self-esteem. He wants to be a good lover. He feels like a good lover when he knows his wife enjoys sex.

The top sexual need of women was affirmation. She wants to be appreciated, before, during and after sex. She wants her husband to think of her as beautiful and to care about her feelings.

The second most important need for men was connection. A husband wants to know that his wife is paying attention and focused on him.

Women also identified connection as their second-highest need. A wife wants sex to be more than just a physical act that takes care of her husband’s needs. She wants it to be a total connection of mind, body and spirit.

The third sexual need of a man is responsiveness from his wife. He wants her to show interest in sex. This doesn’t mean she can’t say no from time to time, but he wants her to say yes. Unresponsiveness means rejection.

The third sexual need of women is non-sexual touch, which can be tough for men to understand. This means she wants her husband to be affectionate outside of bed. She wants him to be soft and tender. The more affection men show outside of the bedroom, the more sexual women become overall.

A man’s fourth need is for his wife to initiate intimacy from time to time. When a woman initiates sex with her husband, it means everything to him.

A woman’s fourth sexual need is spiritual intimacy. According to the Rossburgs’ research, women said they wanted their husbands to pray with them and be the spiritual leaders of their home. They wanted to connect spiritually.

Finally, a man’s number-five need is affirmation. He wants to be appreciated and praised. This ties into his need for respect and honor, and helps him know he’s not being taken for granted.

For a woman, the fifth-most important need is romance. Romance shows a wife that her husband is thinking of her when he doesn’t have to. It shows that she is valued and being pursued. When a woman feels romanced outside of bed, she is more sexual in bed.

What these sexual needs tell us is that men and women are different by God’s design. When it comes to sex, your spouse is not like you. But you can still have great sex when you acknowledge and strive to meet these various needs. When you put in the effort and energy, you can build a sexual connection that lasts a lifetime.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Number 5 for both could be considered to be moved to 2. Just my 2c.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Lifeisgood777 said:


> The number-one sexual need of men was mutual satisfaction: 67% of men said, “I want my wife to be satisfied.” This has to do with a man’s self-esteem. He wants to be a good lover. He feels like a good lover when he knows his wife enjoys sex.
> 
> The top sexual need of women was affirmation. She wants to be appreciated, before, during and after sex. She wants her husband to think of her as beautiful and to care about her feelings.
> 
> ...



Since all women aren't exactly the same, just as all men aren't exactly the same. I wouldn't use this list as a guide on how to have a great sexual relationship.


For example...



> The top sexual need of women was affirmation. She wants to be appreciated, before, during and after sex. She wants her husband to think of her as beautiful and to care about her feelings.


Affirmation really isn't my wife's thing, in fact she prefers to avoid a lot of that kind of thing. While being praised especially can turn her off, and being praised excessively or worshipped has seen her dump men without hesitation.



> Women also identified connection as their second-highest need. A wife wants sex to be more than just a physical act that takes care of her husband’s needs. She wants it to be a total connection of mind, body and spirit.


My wife certainly gets a connection from sharing sex with me, yet she wants sex with me because I still turn her on and it scratches the very wanton urge that she has.

The sex she wants is for to get her off and for her carnal enjoyment. For my wife the connection is a coincident thing that is nice, yet the drive is greater for how it makes her feel physically. That said my wife doesn't feel that sex has anything to with with the illusory idea of spirit.



> The third sexual need of women is non-sexual touch, which can be tough for men to understand. This means she wants her husband to be affectionate outside of bed. She wants him to be soft and tender. The more affection men show outside of the bedroom, the more sexual women become overall.


My wife thinks the idea that non-sexual touch could be a sexual need is nonsense. That said she does think sexual touch is extremely important to meeting her sexual wants and needs.

In my experience with my wife, the more often I touch my wife non-sexually outside of sex and flirting. The more she will become annoyed and more inclined to not want to have sex with me, because I am touching her too much and wanting excessive attention.

That said although my wife and I share lots of sex together very frequently, neither of us have this great urge to cuddle at length at all so not doing that frequently works for us



> A woman’s fourth sexual need is spiritual intimacy. According to the Rossburgs’ research, women said they wanted their husbands to pray with them and be the spiritual leaders of their home. They wanted to connect spiritually.


Well my wife is an atheist who thinks spirituality has nothing to do with sex, considers religious belief to be misplaced and also thinks prayer is a waste of time. So if I tried to be the spiritual leader of our home, or wanted to pray with my wife. I’m pretty sure my wife would think I had gone nuts and would probably stop wanting to have sex with me.



> For a woman, the fifth-most important need is romance. Romance shows a wife that her husband is thinking of her when he doesn’t have to. It shows that she is valued and being pursued. When a woman feels romanced outside of bed, she is more sexual in bed.


My wife and I certainly date often and flirt very frequently.

That said she is the least romantic sexual partner I have had, with her enjoying sharing quality time with me where we both prefer to frequently enjoy the arts and discuss philosophical and intellectual interests together. It has been many years since I have given her any flowers, or done anything with her by candlelight and the like, because that has never been the way into her pants.

In my experience the more I kiss my wife on the mouth and consume her with my lips and tongue and flirt with her sexually. While sometimes telling her to show me various pink bits when out or at home, plus often telling her in person what I am going to do to her sexually or what I want her to do to or for me sexually. Combined with mixing up what we do, getting her off, and trying or adopting new activities along the way. While having a sense of humour and sharing the responsibilities of our life together, the more sexually responsive and willing my wife is.

As a man who has a great ongoing long term sexual relationship with my wife, I know that if I based my sex life on that list you posted, I would find myself in a sexless marriage in very short order.



As for myself my self esteem isn't tied up in being a good lover, sure it's handy being able to easily do that which has gotten my sexual partners off. 

In the first instance I want to have sex because it feels terrific. Sure it's nice being a good lover as such, yet being a good lover for me comes from a combination of many things that come together when driven by my desire to explore and consume my sexual partners.

So I'm not in it to make my wife satisfied or for my self esteem, it really is just about this overwhelming wanton lust for carnal pleasure that I have with who I am partnered with.

That said it is nice that my wife gets her carnal animal urges satiated as well. Since I find in that from that moment when my wife, loses herself in also being an all-consuming wanton sexual animal, my physical pleasure increases as well.

With respect to point two, like my wife I enjoy the coincident connection that sex can bring. Yet I've never felt her paying attention to me is an issue or a thing.

My wife does whatever I like because she gets off as do I. When it comes to a connection for me it is about sharing the wanton luscious consuming of one another, so it's not about her focussing on me as a thing.

Point three is okay since I think responsiveness is important.

In my experience with my wife (who I've been with for close to 22 years), ex-wife and other sexual partners, I have found sexual responsiveness is a very easy thing to share and to have since women seem to have a tremendous well of wanton carnal desire.

That said I don't get how unresponsiveness is an issue with respect to consent.

To me responsiveness is about things like, how my wife takes her panties off when I tell her to. Or how her head rolls back when I get that spot on her neck. Through things like how she grinds into me more while tilting her vagina more vigorously, with her mouth gaping more if I use my teeth on one of her nipples at the right moment while I am inside her.

As to the fourth one, pfft.

My wife initiating doesn't mean everything to me, it's not a special thing as such since it's just par for the course. She initiates because she enjoys sex and wants to have it, which is why I initiate sex as well. That said I do initiate more than my wife, because I do enjoy leading sexually.

With number five I simply don't feel my wife needs to honour me, especially since neither of us are into putting our partners on pedestals. Plus I've never felt like I've been taken for granted in any sexual relationship and respect seems to come easily enough through respecting my sexual partners and myself.



At the end of the day if one wants to have a decent chance at having a great long term sexual relationship, they would do well to really know their partner rather than that list.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

There are some good things in this list, but the list must be flexible. I know we are sort of wired to glom onto a fixed list of rules and do's and don'ts as if they are cookie cutters, but life just isn't that way.

No...it isn't. No matter how much you like the book author.

BUT it does get us thinking about what our OWN spouse's needs and motivations might be, and that is a good thing. I found when I took some of those assessments that my need's read more like the typical man's than the typical woman's. I.E. I need sex and affirmation, and I couldn't care less whether you wash the dishes for me.

Bottom line - we need to get to know OUR spouse.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

personofinterest said:


> Bottom line - we need to get to know OUR spouse.





Personal said:


> At the end of the day if one wants to have a decent chance at having a great long term sexual relationship, they would do well to really know their partner rather than that list.


:iagree:


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## ButWeAreStrange (Feb 2, 2018)

I second the sentiment that ultimately it's up to the individual to get to know their partner and how they express and respond to different levels and forms of intimacy. I definitely would not say that my husband and I fit most of these categories or the order in which they are presented. 

It's interesting that the woman's fourth sexual need is spiritual intimacy considering the fact that not everyone identifies as spiritual. This survey was clearly conducted within a group of those with an Abrahamic background, and while there is nothing wrong with that, it is inherently flawed being presented as a generic sampling of what couples may or may not respond to. For example, my husband and I come from not only completely different spiritual backgrounds (mine not even being of a Western origin), but the very concept of sexual intimacy within a religious context would have my husband running for the hills. I do not feel remotely lacking in any shape or form not having that element of intimacy within our own dynamic but I can understand that it would be of benefit to those who place value in that area. 

This again ties into the entire notion that to use such a small sampling of a seemingly very specified group of people as any indicator of how to be successful in finding one's match just seems a little misleading. I also feel like in the case of sexual needs, aside from open communication, the most important thing is to find someone who is complementary to your own style of expression and not necessarily someone who simply checks off a list of markers to see if they "match" you.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

My sexual match?

Please don't tell me there is a sexual match for me. It would destroy my illusions of having as perfect a woman as possible.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Lifeisgood777 said:


> The number-one sexual need of men...
> 
> The top sexual need of women ....
> 
> ...



Interesting, but for those of us that would like more details could you provide a link to the book or the survey or article where all this information is laid out?

Thanks.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It can all be summarized as: romance your wife every day in the manner she's exhibited she is the most responsive to, and that will vary, just pay attention, and provide for her best you can. All good things will follow. And don't tie your ego to her 100%. This isn't said to take anything away from your closeness but keeps one grounded as needed to steer the family ship when needed. In tandem with your SO but able to be independent when thinking and acting taking care of the family as a whole. And don't think your W doesn't appreciate that, that again ties in to keeping close with your W. 

I didn't mean to say so much but guess I did. 😉


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