# So confused



## Confusedlady1214 (Feb 12, 2020)

If you click on my name you will get more of the full story of the past 2 weeks of hell. Basically horrible fight happened, we’ve argued for years over little nonsense but never to this point. Within the past 2 weeks we have been deciding to be apart and get back together and be apart again. I kicked him out bc i suspected cheating and lying. I was right on the lying and hiding things part. 

After getting back together sunday i went to his hotel he was staying at and found him in another lie about having stopped weed for me which was one of our biggest problems in the relationship. So i told him i never wanted anything again and started ignoring every text and call. He ended up driving to my window and asking if it was over so i ignored him. He drove off and i followed him eventually through the find my friend app on iphone. 

I saw him get in his car with another woman. I followed them to the hotel and basically hit both of them and was escorted out of the building by police. No charges made. Now he claims he had no intentions of being physically involved and that it was just to talk. I never knew this woman i never saw her or heard her name. I dont even know a name at all. He claims he was so angry that it was done that he felt he needed to talk to someone and it didnt matter who it was. He claims she has been messaging him for a while and he never answered. Ok we lived together for 5 years i have never seen a text. 

And if this was going on why was he still being pursued if he claims he never answered. Why didnt he chose to block immediately when they tried to talk if hes in a committed relationship engaged to me for 5 years now. Anyway. He said he knows himself and knows he wouldnt have done anything. I do not beileve that. I want to it will make it easier. But i know thats not the case. I stopped him from having sex that night and i know that. Had i not im sure there wouldnt have been anything to stop him. He claims otherwise but i am so confused. I know its the intent that counts and the fact that he was on his way and picked that person up and brought them to where he was staying. Thats all his choices. No one really knows what really wouldve happened. But i know i stopped it before it did.

So is it still cheating ? Im my eyes its wrong and i cannot live with that. But i am just so lost and confused and i feel dead inside in this moment. He apologized after 5 hours of talking in circles with him trying to blame me for this saying i made him think we were done and he did it out of anger to get revenge for breaking his heart. He didnt shed one tear. And i honestly feel like i forced an apology out. He wants to start from 0 like nothing happened. How can anyone ask for that after what happened? Im not ok with this. I told him if we ever get back together i will not even sleep on the same bed or speak to him until im comfortable he said thats fine. 

I told him i dont want him to ever touch me again. I do not feel comfortable with him anymore. He is capable of doing something so shameful to this relationship. How could that even cross your mind no matter how angry you think you are to find another person 6 hours after a breakup?

Im sure this wasnt their first interactions. But i have no way to prove it. Im left with doubts and questions and a decision to make by Tuesday and have no idea what im even doing or feeling. Bc i am denied the right to even bring it up or else he wont try to fix anything with me. This is horrible.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You'll get more in-depth advice if you pick a thread and stick with it. People aren't inclined to research 4 threads to decipher the story. And, paragraphs are your friend.

When a person tells you that you are not allowed to speak about their bad behavior in an effort to resolve a problem, it tells you that they have no interest in resolving the problem. He is not remorseful and wants you to rugsweep. 

Why do you want to keep a lying, cheating pothead in your life? Yes, he was cheating. You might want to be checked for STIs.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Why do you want to keep a lying, cheating pothead in your life? Yes, he was cheating. You might want to be checked for STIs.


Seconding this.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> You'll get more in-depth advice if you pick a thread and stick with it. People aren't inclined to research 4 threads to decipher the story. And, paragraphs are your friend.
> 
> When a person tells you that you are not allowed to speak about their bad behavior in an effort to resolve a problem, it tells you that they have no interest in resolving the problem. He is not remorseful and wants you to rugsweep.
> 
> Why do you want to keep a lying, cheating pothead in your life? Yes, he was cheating. You might want to be checked for STIs.


^^^^ This

You are confused because you are trying to make sense of his lies. Let me make it clear for you: He has been having sex with at least one other woman. He doesn't want you to know about it. He is going to continue having sex with whomever he pleases and he doesn't want you to know or bother him about it. He wants you to believe the story he tells you so you will stop giving him grief.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, he’s lying. Yes, he’s cheating. It’s obviously up to you what you do about that. 

Will moving on be easy? No. Will it be worth it? Yes.


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## Buffer (Dec 17, 2019)

He is TT you. You need to cut the strings on this relationship. Sorry.
Buffer


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