# How Would You React ?



## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Honestly? I'd file for divorce.

This is an ongoing thing. He went to great lengths to cover his tracks. How could you ever trust him again?


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

He left a sick kid home alone? Well I guess he's already toasted the marriage, might as well neglect the kid too.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Things won't change if there are no consequences. As long as you're willing to stay with him, he'll feel like he can do whatever he wants. I hope that's not the example of a marriage you want to model to your kids. How many times have you caught him in a lie now? How many times have you revealed how you caught him just so he can come up with even sneakier ways to fool around? You can't make him stop if he doesn't want to. And if they want to, they'll find a way. You can only control what you do and how you react now. There's no point listening to his words when his actions say otherwise. 

Give him what he wants. Give him his "freedom." Heck, he left his own sick kid behind to be with her, so he's halfway there. And a secret bank account? Start protecting yourself financially as well.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@SUCKA, Sorry you had to seek us out, but I'm glad you found us.

OK, let's look at it this way:-

1) Your husband has no time for you.

2) Your husband has no time for his children.

3) He is supposed to be home with his sick child, but abandons said sick child for a visit to his mistress.

4) He is a liar who expects his own children to be complicit in his lies.

Looked at that way, divorce (which I am not always in favour of) seems to be a compelling option. Check out local divorce attorneys and find the best one for you. 

And please do protect your health by having STD tests done.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

Kid was 12 and not a baby but youre right hes a total ahole


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

The girl is a serial ho and cheater. I called her husband and he said she has done this before. She was just using him to take her out etc.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

SUCKA said:


> My children seem to suffer when we are apart. Im just sick over it.


But letting them be used as accomplices and pawns in his little trysts is even worse. He's pretty much setting the example of hiding things and sneaking around.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

They are not accomplices they are simply objects in the way of his selfish freaking lifestyle. It is not difficult for me to put them first. But it seems to be a real struggle for him. My mom would be shocked and I am glad she doesnt have to live to see it.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Dump his ass.
Lowlife cheating freak.

Serious- when does the garbage man come by?

Buh- bye.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

My condolences for your mother. To think he started doing this just a month after burying her is really ****ing ****ty.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SUCKA said:


> The girl is a serial ho and cheater. I called her husband and he said she has done this before. She was just using him to take her out etc.


Sadly she has caught yet another stupid man in her web. 400 texts a month isn't being just friends and him leaving his sick child to go and see her is appalling. That alone would make me mad especially blaming the child. :frown2:

He is lying and deceiving you and almost certainly cheating. If they are 'just friends' then why is he going to such lengths to hide it? 

Unless he starts telling you the truth and stops all contact what hope is there? Even then can you trust him not to carry on seeing her? Or not to do it again?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SUCKA said:


> The girl is a serial ho and cheater. I called her husband and he said she has done this before. She was just using him to take her out etc.


Let hope he throws her out this time.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

Thank you so much spoons027. I am devastated by the loss. I was with her when she died and leading up to her death. He knew how close I was to her and how difficult this would be. I have tried to tell myself to stary with him bc I dont think he actually cheated. One child really does poorly when we split so I feel very torn.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

He has stopped all contact. Her husband said she was texting three other guys besides mine at the same time. He is so beaten down. He's a doormat.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

SUCKA said:


> Thank you so much spoons027. I am devastated by the loss. I was with her when she died and leading up to her death. He knew how close I was to her and how difficult this would be. I have tried to tell myself to stary with him bc I dont think he actually cheated. One child really does poorly when we split so I feel very torn.



So you have split before? Was it for the same circumstances?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

SUCKA said:


> A few months ago I had a suspicion something wasnt right. My husband was checked out barely spoke to me and was downright angry towards our children. Like he didnt have the time patience or inclination to help with homework, go to games etc. I decided to put a gps in his car.
> 
> One day my child was home sick from school and called me at work. He asked where I was. His father was staying with him so I was puzzled. I called and asked where my husband was because he left a sick child alone. He stated he was getting his medicine at the pharmacy. But the GPS tracker proved otherwise. He was at the gym. My husband came back all in a rage my child had exposed him.
> 
> ...


So sorry for your loss. I hope you had friends help you through your grief. 

I would start getting everything lined up for a divorce. Even if it doesn’t come to one. 

Do you honestly feel like staying with someone that can treat you like this after losing your mom?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

SUCKA said:


> Thank you so much spoons027. I am devastated by the loss. I was with her when she died and leading up to her death. He knew how close I was to her and how difficult this would be. I have tried to tell myself to stary with him bc I dont think he actually cheated. One child really does poorly when we split so I feel very torn.


Sorry but he did cheat. EA at the very least if not a PA. He intended to have sex with her. Best thing is to ask for space so you can figure yourself out. You need breathing room.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

SUCKA said:


> Thank you so much spoons027. I am devastated by the loss. I was with her when she died and leading up to her death. He knew how close I was to her and how difficult this would be. I have tried to tell myself to stary with him bc I dont think he actually cheated. One child really does poorly when we split so I feel very torn.


But he did cheat. He became at least emotionally involved with another woman. These can be just as harmful as physical affairs. He got caught so stopped, at least for now but if he doesn't have some serious consequences he will do it again and given what you have written about the OW don't be shocked if in a month or two they try contacting each other again. They lay low till the dust settles then start up again and just do it sneakier and harder to catch.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

I personally would have no problem with leaving. Problem is when children are involved they rely on two parents for their daily care. reality in my world bc we both work.


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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

SUCKA said:


> I personally would have no problem with leaving. Problem is when children are involved they rely on two parents for their daily care. reality in my world bc we both work.


Same here, I look after mine during the day and the ex at night.

Go out at night, do different activities and enjoy things you didn't do before


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

Thanks Tom Appreciate the encouragement. It really sucks trying to deal with this and the rest of life right now.


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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

SUCKA said:


> Thanks Tom Appreciate the encouragement. It really sucks trying to deal with this and the rest of life right now.


I'm going through infidelity at the moment.

I'll admit, I miss my family, I wish I could go back in time and make my relationship better. I wouldn't be here if I acted like a proper man (not saying it gave her the right to do what she done at all, I wouldn't wish it upon anybody). 

Was I scared for my future? Hell yes! Do I still get upset about what my life could've been? Yes! Did I deserve to be cheated on and shown disrespect? Hell no! I've made it this far, so I see it as I'm capable of surviving while dealing with the worst things that can happen to people.

I wish I could spend every night with my family but it's not going to happen. It's something you need to accept, move outside your comfort zone and live. Yes it's tough being alone and thinking about it all, but you need to. There's only so much we can control which is ourselves at the end of the day. Some people get lost and never come back, you learn and move on


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

@SUCKA, what's your husband been doing (actions) to demonstrate his REMORSE?

Also, consider the great possibility that he'd have never told you about this of you hadn't caught him and forced a confession.

He wanted this affair.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

He surely did and acted in a way that was very self centered. Def part of me wants to forgive him bc my life does not need any more disruption. Ive had many things happen at once and I am not sure I have the strength to walk away right now. Lets face it he takes care of number one. But my reality is that I depend on him daily for rides to school practices etc. Like a roommate I guess. It just really sucks to find out the person who you thought loves and cares for you doesnt really love you at all. I am thinking about waiting til the summer and making a decision. That will give me time to cool off and develop a plan. I have all the documentation I need to prove what he was doing.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

He is remorseful. You know punches walls, broke his hand by slamming on counter and very angry at self. Ive never seen him do so much housework. One good aspect !


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

SUCKA said:


> He is remorseful. You know punches walls, broke his hand by slamming on counter and very angry at self. Ive never seen him do so much housework. One good aspect ![/QUOTE
> That’s not remorse,it’s guilt. There’s a big difference.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

SUCKA said:


> He surely did and acted in a way that was very self centered. Def part of me wants to forgive him bc my life does not need any more disruption. Ive had many things happen at once and I am not sure I have the strength to walk away right now.


My ex was a serious alcoholic and by serious I mean she could stay completely drunk for two or three weeks straight. Yet she would sometimes recover and was OK for a while until the next time she fell off the wagon. I used the excuse of "my life does not need any more disruption" more times than I can remember. Eventually she cheated on me. There were so many clues yet she denied it over and over. Again I said to myself "my life does not need any more disruption". Finally I had proof and I had to do something or I would look at myself in the mirror and see nothing but a doormat........My point is staying with someone because you don't want to disrupt your life is almost always a bad move. Find a way. The sooner you cut the cord, the sooner your life will start to improve.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

I understand what you are saying. I have one child that is def effected everytime things go downhill. His grades and his overall attitude went downhill when we split. Unfortunately he has seen too much. M son is old enough to understand what is going on, very angry screams at him and calls him a cheater almost daily.


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## tom72 (Nov 4, 2017)

SUCKA said:


> I understand what you are saying. I have one child that is def effected everytime things go downhill. His grades and his overall attitude went downhill when we split. Unfortunately he has seen too much. M son is old enough to understand what is going on, very angry screams at him and calls him a cheater almost daily.


Sad that your husband won't do anything to fix it. Plays the victim card I guess?


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

Tom Im not sure the victim more like the arrogant entitled pos that deserves it all including the ho on the side. Needs to get a more humble attitude which was the case when I married him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SUCKA said:


> I understand what you are saying. I have one child that is def effected everytime things go downhill. His grades and his overall attitude went downhill when we split. Unfortunately he has seen too much. M son is old enough to understand what is going on, very angry screams at him and calls him a cheater almost daily.


You might be able to mitigate this by working with your child. A counselor might be able to help you and your child work through the trauma of a divorce. 

Either way you go, it's not a good situation. If you divorce, it will take a toll on your children. They can however grow to handle it. If you stay, you are teaching your children that this is all they can expect in marriage & family, this messed up situation. 

Sometimes it's better to teach our children how to be strong and take care of ourselves (themselves) than to teach them that they have to put up with any mistreatment that is dealt their way.

If you divorce, your son will still have his father half time. It's not like his father would be dropping off the face of the earth. And he will have a mother who is stronger and happier.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

Nice message Ele. Point taken. I feel my children and I deserve a lot better. It is very messed up I agree. The one thing I will say is this is totally out of character for him and occurred after a death in his family. Psychologically he seems messed up. I never saw him grieve this loss which I know is strange after losing someone close.


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## GoingCrazy01 (Jan 9, 2018)

Are you sure he had intentions of cheating? My husband did this same thing 6 months ago. He was messed up on a bunch of steroids though. He did tell me himself that he was talking to her. Said they were just friends. I have been looking for evidence to prove they were more than friends for 6 months now and have found nothing. He was being honest. I even spied on him at his work and he was hardly speaking to her. He choose not to tell me because he knew I would be mad. But after 2 weeks he did tell me. He also has never done this before. I know he was attracted to her but I believe him now that they were just friends. I think sometimes men just like the attention. What our husbands did was wrong but mine had no intentions of cheating on me. Are you sure your did? It took me many months to realize that. He did everything now to show he is trustworthy. I just think you need to take sometime to calm down and find out if he was intending to sleep with her or if he was just going through some issues. If it happened again to me it would be a deal breaker. How long did he do this behind your back? Was it a long time? Just think first. If his is all he has done to you and he has not made any moves on her maybe you can get past it with time if he shows he is not that man. I was going to leave as well. If I had of I would have ruined all of our lives. I know he will never do it again cause I made his life a living hell for months. Did you trust him before this? Is it possible they really were just friends? Maybe he just liked the attention?


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Sorry to hear of your pain. To put it bluntly don't believe a word he says. Nobody goes to the trouble of disguising the other persons name, creating secret bank accounts, and leaving a sick child alone, if they are just friends. They were much more than just friends. Unless he experiences real time consequences from you he will do it again.

Honestly if it were me i'd be on the war path.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

It started in late May and was uncovered in October from all the info I can gather. POS was fired from his job then spent his days at the gym. Met her at the gym several times a week then went out at least twice that I know of. She actually freaking called me too. I told her she was a freak and should spend time with her own husband. Husband is actually attractive smart and successful and she is a serial hooker that tells him she knows shes made his life a living hell. Please pray for him. I do.


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## Primrose (Mar 4, 2015)

SUCKA said:


> He is remorseful. You know punches walls, broke his hand by slamming on counter and very angry at self. Ive never seen him do so much housework. One good aspect !


Sounds like an adult temper tantrum because you took away his plaything. This doesn't sound like remorse at all. 



GoingCrazy01 said:


> Are you sure he had intentions of cheating? My husband did this same thing 6 months ago. He was messed up on a bunch of steroids though. He did tell me himself that he was talking to her. Said they were just friends.


400+ texts indicates otherwise. The only person I text this much each month is my fiance. 



SUCKA said:


> I truly want to divorce him but am afraid my child is the one who will suffer. Affirmative on the war path. He aint seen nothing yet. He has acquired quite a few assets during our fifteen year marriage.


Your children will be just fine. When my exH left, my two older children (then aged 9 & 5) took it incredibly hard, but counseling was their saving's grace. Here we are, 3 years later, and they are absolutely thriving and STILL have a solid relationship with their father. 

I do not believe in staying in unhealthy relationships "for the kids". One, we all deserve happiness, and two, what are we teaching our children in doing so?


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Your kids will be fine as long as you are fine! If you show them how to overcome adcersity your children will be better off innthe long run.


Ģood luck.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SUCKA said:


> haha agree adult temper tantrum. yesterday it was smashing remote control into his head. I told him hed end up back at the hospital. oh well his problem. thanks for your story. im trying to find the strength to work through this. I am a faithful person and that has kept me going. I ask my mom, my angel to help me everyday. I am so glad she didnt have to live to see this.


Has he ever hit you or otherwise manhandled you in anger?

Breaking things, punching walls, breaking things are all DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. The message is that this time he'll punch the wall, next time, he just might punch you.

You really need to not accept this behavior. For one thing he's teaching your children that it's ok to use violence.

You need to put your foot down on this.... either he gets into some counseling and/or anger management or you call the police on him and have him charged with domestic violence.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SUCKA said:


> Nice message Ele. Point taken. I feel my children and I deserve a lot better. It is very messed up I agree. The one thing I will say is this is totally out of character for him and occurred after a death in his family. Psychologically he seems messed up. I never saw him grieve this loss which I know is strange after losing someone close.


Everyone grieves in different ways.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

SUCKA said:


> haha agree adult temper tantrum. yesterday it was smashing remote control into his head. I told him hed end up back at the hospital. oh well his problem. thanks for your story. im trying to find the strength to work through this. I am a faithful person and that has kept me going. I ask my mom, my angel to help me everyday. I am so glad she didnt have to live to see this.


That is quite bizarre behaviour that is just for show. Trying to prove to you that he is remorseful. Thats not how you show remorse. I bet he doesn't do it when you aren't around to see it.


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## SUCKA (Feb 5, 2018)

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## 2018MylifeMyMarriage (Mar 9, 2018)

Just checking on your status. Hope you and husband are moving in the correct direction


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

2018MylifeMyMarriage said:


> Just checking on your status. Hope you and husband are moving in the correct direction


Which should be a big, fat, huge, colossal *DIVORCE*.


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## Quality (Apr 26, 2016)

SUCKA said:


> Thank you. I have consulted attorney and had std test done. He still insists nothing happened. to be honest I think I intervened before anything did. Still it doesnt change his motive. My children seem to suffer when we are apart. Im just sick over it.


Are you Christians?

If so then it might actually matter whether he actually committed adultery or not.


That said, dealing with the loss of a job, lingering death of a close family member and children are pretty extraordinary stresses on a relationship and, actually, a fairly common time for a spouse with weak boundaries to seek outside validation, admiration and, frankly, just some attention.

Your husband went way down the path towards infidelity and both of you can see how he got there. The solution isn't to always treat him like a dog the rest of his life. Instead you can BOTH learn from this and make your marriage better. Model appropriate repentance and forgiveness to your children and that people can make HUGE mistakes but that doesn't make them disposable or forever unworthy. 

Instead of waiting until summer to do anything about this.... take advantage of your husband's current energy and drive to make things up to you and fix it {himself and your relationship} by introducing him to a real {and free} marital recovery plan like marriage builders. Tell him to learn it and that he is responsible for leading your marriage {in other words, he should read, implement and teach you the program}. 

 How To Survive Infidelity

For men especially, there has to be a path back to being respected by his wife and family and that path is really narrow. He has to learn to behave respectfully, at all times and for a long time and everyone else's feelings about him {including his own} will follow his actions. 

Feelings follow actions.


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