# Ptsd



## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I am new to this whole concept of actually having PTSD I never knew what it really was and I'm still unsure of what it really is but does it make you go up and down like a roller coaster I'm so confused about life right now between relationships and reality. what to feel what to think it's kind of like do I like ketchup or do I like spicy ketchup or maybe picante sauce. Hell who knows anymore I don't know how to feel anymore I don't know what to think and I'm pretty sure some of you have probably read my posts you're if not you can click on my name and I'm pretty sure you can find them it's not hard I'm not a bad person I've just been through too many things and I'm not sure what to feel anymore is this PTSD is this what it does to you or is it just being with too many people that have broken you down so many times that you just stopped caring about everything no feeling almost to the point of psychotic am I wrong to feel this way? Please don't respond negatively please I know I have problems I'm not perfect I never claimed to be even saying what I am right now I'm in tears thinking that I'm so f***** up beyond repair that I'll never find anybody for me anymore that I'm destined to be alone that I will die alone then no one cares why should they I've been through too much I've seen too many things I've been hurt too many times I'm so damaged beyond repair my psychologist needs a psychologist to talk to me
That's why they keep pushing me back pawn me off on the next person because they can't deal with what I've been through I've been told I'm sorry I don't know how to help you too many times I really that f***** up. All I wanted was one woman to prove to me that they're not all the same. Maybe that's asking too much


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

The Broken Man said:


> I am new to this whole concept of actually having PTSD I never knew what it really was and I'm still unsure of what it really is but does it make you go up and down like a roller coaster I'm so confused about life right now between relationships and reality. what to feel what to think it's kind of like do I like ketchup or do I like spicy ketchup or maybe picante sauce. Hell who knows anymore I don't know how to feel anymore I don't know what to think and I'm pretty sure some of you have probably read my posts you're if not you can click on my name and I'm pretty sure you can find them it's not hard I'm not a bad person I've just been through too many things and I'm not sure what to feel anymore is this PTSD is this what it does to you or is it just being with too many people that have broken you down so many times that you just stopped caring about everything no feeling almost to the point of psychotic am I wrong to feel this way? Please don't respond negatively please I know I have problems I'm not perfect I never claimed to be even saying what I am right now I'm in tears thinking that I'm so f***** up beyond repair that I'll never find anybody for me anymore that I'm destined to be alone that I will die alone then no one cares why should they I've been through too much I've seen too many things I've been hurt too many times I'm so damaged beyond repair my psychologist needs a psychologist to talk to me
> That's why they keep pushing me back pawn me off on the next person because they can't deal with what I've been through I've been told I'm sorry I don't know how to help you too many times I really that f***** up. All I wanted was one woman to prove to me that they're not all the same. Maybe that's asking too much


NO you are not ****ed up beyond repair. You have been through some crazy stuff that would break most people and the fact that you're here trying to repair yourself is proof you can do it. You picked wrong, you made some mistakes yes but don't deserve what you have got. 

Take a breath find some distractions work through this one day at a time. Keep being pawned off on other psychologists until you find a good one. 

You need to reset, you need to accept she is gone and wasn't who you thought. You didn't lose a great woman you lost someone pretending to be a good woman. Really if you're honest with yourself you know she was a mess to begin with, so the surprise is not that much of a surprise. 

The future holds possibilities far better than you think today, you jut have to slow down, breathe, let go of the past and focus on the future. Spend a good amount of time working on you, rebuild yourself, make better choices in women in the future after you do the work first.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@The Broken Man,

We cannot diagnose PTSD here, not that you are necessarily asking us to. 

What you are going through is rather normal for the stage of your marital break down. Whether it turns into something like PTSD that has long lasting effects can only determined over time. 

I have read that as we get older, every bad time we go through gets harder because our subconscious pulls up every pervious incident and re-evaluates it in light of the newest bad-incident. Therefore, each one gets harder because the list of bad-times get longer. With counseling, we might be able to put previous bad-times to rest and never need to revisit them. The only way through this is right through the middle of it. You have to fight all your demons one more time. So just face them and slay them.

PTSD is a bit different from my experience because it is more of a trigger that comes out of nowhere, an automatic reaction that seems irrational. I have PTSD because I lived several years as a child in a civil war. To this day, if someone walks up and I don't hear them, I jump out of my skin when I do finally see them. People I work with have learned to make a lot of noise as they come to my cube/office.

There are therapies that help work through PTSD.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

You may not see me crying like a child. It just hurts so bad my triggers follow from me losing everything that I had when I came back I had nothing I lost my kids I lost my first wife i lost everything and I thought that when I came back it would all still be there I came back to nothing it was all gone. I didn't know I just didn't know. I don't know what to say I'm just in tears I just feel so Broken. I know I can't go back to the day that I left lord knows I wish I wouldn't have left knowing what I do today. I thought when I came back that my family would be there that I would be able to tell them what happened and be able to get these things out of my mind that I saw that I had to go through and nobody was there I came back to being homeless and injured left alone on the street sleeping on the park bench begging for food because I didn't have any money because my first wife took everything I had in the bank account I didn't have any money I didn't have any food at the time I couldn't stay with anyone and my family because I didn't feel that they would understand and nobody even cared to listen when I talked to them my family they still thought that I was gone at that point I was discharged from the military because of my injuries I didn't have anybody to talk to and when I did talk to my unit they told me to suck it up somewhere along the lines of what do you have sand in your pu$$& Man up and move on there was no such thing as PTSD 12 years ago they didn't care they sent you home with an injury because you were expendable what they don't realize is the damage has already been done when you come home to nothing expecting your family to be there for you and no one is it's detrimental. I just got diagnosed with PTSD. I know about it but I did know how bad it was until about a week ago. I'm sorry I truly am I don't mean to unload on you guys I know a lot of you are going through similar things and I don't expect many answers or positive ones at that point from experience.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I'm trying to be strong but I truly did care for her and I believe strongly that when you say the words I do it means something you can criticize me all you want but I can honestly say I tried I truly did with every part of me I gave her everything that I could I never walked away and I'm at peace with that and if anybody ever asked me why didn't you leave sooner because I cared enough to stay it wasn't me that walked away it was them I have values I believe it when you say things in a marriage in front of God you are judged by those my conscience is clear Lord knows I did everything I could and sometimes even more than I should have but don't judge me for that don't say it was my fault.. at this point there's nothing more that I can say I still love her I still miss her even though she broke me even though she broke my heart I still cry and feel like I wasn't worthy enough even though she told me that nobody could ever say that wasn't a good man. And I think that's what tears as so hard she said that to me but she left with my best friend I just can't stop crying and maybe it's well needed but I just so tired of feeling like this I'm tired of crying I'm trying to feel like a piece of s*** like it was my fault why can't I get over her why do I feel this way


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Just what I think I'm over her and I think you have moved on and hits me like a tidal wave and these feelings come back over and over again and again I can't get her out of my head I haven't seen her in almost 3 months and I'm so angry with her why does this continue to happen why do I have these feelings that come back so many times I have nightmares I just don't understand maybe I need to go to a mental hospital I don't know anymore I feel like I'm losing my mind I feel like I'm crazy for feeling this way for thinking like this that's why I was asking about PTSD is this what it does to you I didn't have these feelings until I came back from the military I didn't have these problems until I came back from the military


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

Well even through all my s*** y'all Happy New year's I hope it's a better year for everyone here a lot better than last year goodbye 2020 I will not miss you 😢


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am slightly cynical about the constant and frequent disgnosis of PSTD these days for almost any bad event in peoples lives, but I get where you are. I went through 20 years of one terrible thing after another, tramatic things that had a terrible effect on me physically and mentally. No one mentioned PTSD then as you say, it was those who had been though appalling situations for example who maybe has seen their family murdered or who had been badly tortured maybe who were disgnosed with it some time ago. Whether people get PSTD over a marriage ending I dont know, to me thats pain and suffering and grief that life events like this bring, not PSTD but I am not qualified to say any more than that.

When my 23 year marriage ended very suddenly after I found out some terrible things about my then husband I too felt like you do, I saw no future, it was as if I was living in a fog with all my future hopes and dreams shattered. I saw it as if he had opened our front door, thrown in a grenade, and left the children and I badly wounded and bleeding on the floor. If not for having to be both mum and dad for the children, I dont know what would have happened. They only had me, my parents were sadly dead, my brother and I not that close. 

After some time a flicker of hope like a candle did begin to burn, I am generally a person who does have hope, partly to do with my faith of course, and 21 years on I am in a happy 15 year marriage and my kids have done well. There is hope after a painful divorce, after traumatic things happening, and dont let her make you think all women are like that, they arent of course any more than all men are like that. Maybe I was foolish to trust again, after both my dad and first husband had deeply hurt me, but I am by nature a trusting person and if you meet the right person they wont act as your wife did.

Your break up is very recent, the pain will come and go, its part of the grief and loss process. Gradually things will get better and you will begin to heal.

God bless you, I hope you can find healing and inner peace in the right places.


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## staceymj86 (Apr 14, 2020)

I was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, bipolar and PTSD. Mine stem from the physical and mental abuse as child, and the emotional toll of day to day life, including working a essential job through the pandemic. For few weeks, I was having nightmares related to work and what I was going through. I had an emotional break down in August, and that’s when I knew I needed help. I currently have been seeing a therapist weekly since August 2020, and a psychiatrist monthly to monitor the dosage for the 3 different medications I am on. It has not been a easy road, and I am noticing the things that trigger my symptoms, especially my anxiety.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

staceymj86 said:


> I was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, bipolar and PTSD. Mine stem from the physical and mental abuse as child, and the emotional toll of day to day life, including working a essential job through the pandemic. For few weeks, I was having nightmares related to work and what I was going through. I had an emotional break down in August, and that’s when I knew I needed help. I currently have been seeing a therapist weekly since August 2020, and a psychiatrist monthly to monitor the dosage for the 3 different medications I am on. It has not been a easy road, and I am noticing the things that trigger my symptoms, especially my anxiety.


I'm still learning what some of my other triggers are and a lot of my issues stem from my childhood when my parents divorced and I was molested by a man when I was 8-9 there are many other factors involved and I am starting to get to the root of these problems so I can talk to my psychiatrist and get the help that I need but sometimes it gets the best of me and it is hard to understand fully I have been diagnosed with severe depression and severe anxiety and recently PTSD but I just don't know about PTSD as much as I thought I did I do have nightmares and I have flashbacks some of that is military and some of it is from a traumatic childhood also abusive relationships so when someone leaves my life It tends to have a greater effect on me especially with the way things have happened I am very grateful that I did leave the house for a week while they were together in our home because I probably would have done something horrible to both of them. But thoughts on what ptsd can do to a person helps me understand what I am dealing with and I have never talked to anyone about this in my life. So it's new and very emotional and difficult at times but I force myself to say it because if I don't I won't progress and I will just shell back up and keep it inside like I have always done in my past and I'm actually trying to succeed in Personal growth and have better choices in my relationships with people and in my love Life if I can ever get back to that loving side again. But I am just focusing on me now and my kids they are in there mid teens so only got a few years left with them before they head off into the world and honestly it scares the hell out of me.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The Broken Man said:


> I am new to this whole concept of actually having PTSD I never knew what it really was and I'm still unsure of what it really is but does it make you go up and down like a roller coaster I'm so confused about life right now between relationships and reality. what to feel what to think it's kind of like do I like ketchup or do I like spicy ketchup or maybe picante sauce. Hell who knows anymore I don't know how to feel anymore I don't know what to think and I'm pretty sure some of you have probably read my posts you're if not you can click on my name and I'm pretty sure you can find them it's not hard I'm not a bad person I've just been through too many things and I'm not sure what to feel anymore is this PTSD is this what it does to you or is it just being with too many people that have broken you down so many times that you just stopped caring about everything no feeling almost to the point of psychotic am I wrong to feel this way? Please don't respond negatively please I know I have problems I'm not perfect I never claimed to be even saying what I am right now I'm in tears thinking that I'm so f***** up beyond repair that I'll never find anybody for me anymore that I'm destined to be alone that I will die alone then no one cares why should they I've been through too much I've seen too many things I've been hurt too many times I'm so damaged beyond repair my psychologist needs a psychologist to talk to me
> That's why they keep pushing me back pawn me off on the next person because they can't deal with what I've been through I've been told I'm sorry I don't know how to help you too many times I really that f***** up. All I wanted was one woman to prove to me that they're not all the same. Maybe that's asking too much


it sounds like you have too many mental health problems to be able to expect a woman to be able to be with you until you get some things under control. I understand you've been hurt a lot but it's how you handle those things that's important so you need to learn those skills. I know it's not easy and I'm sure you get frustrated. I'm taking wild guess here, but have you refused meds?


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> it sounds like you have too many mental health problems to be able to expect a woman to be able to be with you until you get some things under control. I understand you've been hurt a lot but it's how you handle those things that's important so you need to learn those skills. I know it's not easy and I'm sure you get frustrated. I'm taking wild guess here, but have you refused meds?


I don't like the way they make me feel. So yes I don't take them. It's like sitting in a room by yourself and feeling like there are a hundred people in there with you. I just deal with my problems but I have started therapy sessions and I have learned alot about myself and where I want to be with goals in place and I'm open to meds but they cannot alter my perception I don't want the drunk feeling or overwhelming euphoric feeling. I can't do that.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

A women is not going to make you happy. It’s not a women’s job to take care of you. You first need to get yourself right before even thinking about entering a relationship.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

I don't need a woman to take care of me I can manage just fine on my own thank you very much.


Girl_power said:


> A women is not going to make you happy. It’s not a women’s





Girl_power said:


> A women is not going to make you happy. It’s not a women’s job to take care of you. You first need to get yourself right before even thinking about entering a relationship.


So nice of you to put your 2 cents in there MOM... I know this. I don't need a woman in my life so.. bye Felicia.....


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

The Broken Man said:


> I don't like the way they make me feel. So yes I don't take them. It's like sitting in a room by yourself and feeling like there are a hundred people in there with you. I just deal with my problems but I have started therapy sessions and I have learned alot about myself and where I want to be with goals in place and I'm open to meds but they cannot alter my perception I don't want the drunk feeling or overwhelming euphoric feeling. I can't do that.


Have you tried them and they did that? There are plenty that won't.


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## The Broken Man (Dec 28, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> Have you tried them and they did that? There are plenty that won't.


I have and that's how I felt the first one was Duloxetine hcl 30 mg and the second one was Celecoxib 200 mg and the third one was methocarbamol 750 mg. I've tried others like risperdal and risperidone and there are a few others I can't recall but I just rather talk to my therapist about my underlying issues rather than take something that makes me feel like that. I have told my doctor about the side effects of the meds but she keeps switching it up and trying new things but nothing seems to work as of yet.


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## staceymj86 (Apr 14, 2020)

The Broken Man said:


> I have and that's how I felt the first one was Duloxetine hcl 30 mg and the second one was Celecoxib 200 mg and the third one was methocarbamol 750 mg. I've tried others like risperdal and risperidone and there are a few others I can't recall but I just rather talk to my therapist about my underlying issues rather than take something that makes me feel like that. I have told my doctor about the side effects of the meds but she keeps switching it up and trying new things but nothing seems to work as of yet.


I’m taking Hydroxyzine HCL 10mg, Quetiapine Fumarate 100mg, and Lamictal 150mg at night. They help me fall asleep and sleep through the night. When I wake up I don’t feel groggy and out of focus anymore.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Alright. I am on Celecoxib, and it is NOT a psychiatric drug. It's the generic name for Celebrex, which you'll see advertised on tv. It is an antiinflammatory for things like arthritis, but it also has some blood thinner properties, so it's something you have to be careful what you take with it. But seriously, it's not what you think it's for and it might be something you really need for painful inflammation or blood thinner, so you need to contact the prescribing doctor and be sure they know you have stopped it. And I've had no side effects from it, the only complication being I can't take as much of it now that I'm on heart pills. 

You should not be quitting drugs without first seeing your doctor and talking with him/her about it because it might be unsafe either physically or mentally. 

Methocarbamol is likewise not a psychiatric drug. It is for treating nerve pain and pain and discomfort from injuries. It is a muscle relaxer, so it is possible it could make you drowsy. But it's not necessarily so. The last muscle relaxer I had didn't make me drowsy. 

So neither of those are to treat anything such as PTSD, anxiety, or depression or anything mental. They are to treat pain and inflammation.

Duloxetine is used for different things, one of which is depression and anxiety, but also nerve pain from diabetes, muscle and joint pain and fibromyalgia, so a variety of pain causes. It is a seratonin reuptake inhibitor.

I imagine they gave you that because it was beneficial on all fronts. But that seems to be the only thing you've tried so far that might benefit you with your mental issues, PTSD, etc. I urge you to let the doctor know everything.

On the psychotropic drugs, there are SO many combinations and different drugs you can try. Always remember that what gives one person a side effect likely won't give the next person a side effect. Everyone tolerates them differently. If one doesn't work for depression or anxiety, the next one very well may. You shouldn't throw that chance away because it can make a big difference in quality of life.


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