# Can being sahm bring on mlc faster?



## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

I think I'm having a mlc or something. I'm only 25 will be 26 next month but I'm completely frantic. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been a sahm since I was 18 and I just feel useless,unattractive and old (yes, I feel old, my marriage is extremely stressful). Dh runs a business from home and while I do assist him I still don't feel like I'm doing anything. I don't know why I feel like that,but I'm always depressed. I've been feeling depressed for about 2 years,but lately it has become overwhelming. He gets upset when I start looking for other things to do and keeps asking me why I just won't continue to help him with his business. I tell him that I want to do that, but I want my own path. He doesn't understand this, he says his path is my path. I feel like I'm piggybacking. How do I make this go away? I am really unhappy and we argue about this about every two weeks.He'll make comments about me trying to do "other crap" and will interrupt me when I'm in the middle of interviews to do things he can do himself. I eventually have a breakdown. It would not be a problem if I had his support to explore my options,but I don't. I have no family so I really need his support. We have little ones, my last one will be in school when I hit 29.I do not want to wait that long to start a career.I have tried at home jobs which were legit, but he has managed to sabotage those by refusing to watch the kids when he is here doing nothing. I am getting frustrated and increasingly resentful. I feel very lost in life right now and everyday I feel that way my hate just grows and I have become a complete beyotch to my family and I don't want to be that way. Is there anyone that has felt this way and if so how did you get over it?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

No that's not a MIL crisis. That's you being very unhappy with your life.

What kind of jobs for are qualified to do right now? Can you make enough to cover child care and whatever income your husband's business will lose if you quite helping him?

What is your ownership in 'his' business? Is this something that you own? Or are you just free labor for him?


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

It seems like you are stuck you only have him in your life. So the only thing is to get someone to talk to him. I cant see any other way out for you. You should do this as soon as possible. It will most likely help. He wont want to lose you.


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## happynlucky (Jan 30, 2012)

my heart goes out to you as I was in the same situation . INfact I am still somewhat into the same scenario. I had a baby and had to quit job, became SAHM. Went into heights of frustration and low self esteem. Then i realized nobody will help me. It is only me who can do things to improve my own life. 
I had no support from my husband as well. SO i started working online and took tuitions. I joined a yoga class and made few friends. (while my son is away to school) SO even though I am not earning much but I am happy that i have someone to talk to and to do things (other than cooking, cleaning n watching baby).
I want to do more in life but I have restrictions. My husband doesn't want me to work either. So I started working form home and I am still looking for more options. (BTW I am in India) lets plan somethings n work together tiredwife&sahm. Trading from india or whatever you have in mind


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## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> No that's not a MIL crisis. That's you being very unhappy with your life.
> 
> What kind of jobs for are qualified to do right now? Can you make enough to cover child care and whatever income your husband's business will lose if you quite helping him?
> 
> What is your ownership in 'his' business? Is this something that you own? Or are you just free labor for him?


Well he told me I was 50% owner, I found out last year that was not true. He owns 100% of his business which explains everything. He will make decisions and not include me *until *it goes wrong and he wants me to fix it. In my opinion he will not lose anything from my not helping he could hire someone else and no he does not pay me. He says he pays the bills and he gives me money to buy things for our home so I am getting paid. I will lose if this goes completely wrong and I have nothing to fall back on because he is extremely flaky. When we argue he makes sure to let me know that I don't have anything. He asks me all the time "well where are you going to go? back to your mom's house." and he'll have this smirk on his face, he knows I won't go back there. I believe I can make enough to cover child care, but he has many stipulations. My children get out of school at 2pm, he won't pick them up so I better be getting off before 2pm and I can't work at night or weekends. I am qualified to do anything administrative related.


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

tiredwife&sahm said:


> Well he told me I was 50% owner, I found out last year that was not true. He owns 100% of his business which explains everything. He will make decisions and not include me *until *it goes wrong and he wants me to fix it. In my opinion he will not lose anything from my not helping he could hire someone else and no he does not pay me. He says he pays the bills and he gives me money to buy things for our home so I am getting paid. I will lose if this goes completely wrong and I have nothing to fall back on because he is extremely flaky. When we argue he makes sure to let me know that I don't have anything. He asks me all the time "well where are you going to go? back to your mom's house." and he'll have this smirk on his face, he knows I won't go back there. I believe I can make enough to cover child care, but he has many stipulations. My children get out of school at 2pm, he won't pick them up so I better be getting off before 2pm and I can't work at night or weekends. I am qualified to do anything administrative related.


He's controlling you by occupying your time and restricting access to money. That where are you going to go comment is horrible as is the smirk. Does he not care whether you are happy or not?

My ex- husband used to say similar things with a little smirk. I got my masters and finally got out. He was stunned when I bought my new house moved out and filed.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

You need to go back to school.. or some type of vocational program that is short term.

IMO your H is walking the controlling/abusive line.

He shouldn't be telling you what you can or cannot do and sabotaging your interviews.WOW


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

It's IMPERATIVE that you be able to support yourself. I don't care if your marriage is sunshine and rainbows bad things can and do happen.

Your story however is scary to me.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I agree that this isn't a MLC. You're unhappy and perhaps depressed. This can make us desperate and we grasp at straws.

I would suggest that you take some time to try to decide what you really would like to do professionally. You're young and you have plenty of time to train. Do this thinking and researching independent of your H. Consider various options and when you think you have a good idea of what you would like to do, start planning for when your youngest is in school. As that time approaches, tell your H what you are planning and then do it. In the meantime, you will have some more psychological/emotional control of your life and this should help your feelings of unhappiness.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tiredwife&sahm said:


> Well he told me I was 50% owner, I found out last year that was not true. He owns 100% of his business which explains everything.


Check the laws in your state. Since you are married your are probably 50% owner even if that’s not stated on 


tiredwife&sahm said:


> He will make decisions and not include me *until *it goes wrong and he wants me to fix it. In my opinion he will not lose anything from my not helping he could hire someone else and no he does not pay me. He says he pays the bills and he gives me money to buy things for our home so I am getting paid. I will lose if this goes completely wrong and I have nothing to fall back on because he is extremely flaky. When we argue he makes sure to let me know that I don't have anything. He asks me all the time "well where are you going to go? back to your mom's house." and he'll have this smirk on his face, he knows I won't go back there. I believe I can make enough to cover child care, but he has many stipulations. My children get out of school at 2pm, he won't pick them up so I better be getting off before 2pm and I can't work at night or weekends. I am qualified to do anything administrative related.


I’ve seen this scenario so many times. The wife “helps” her husband. But she gets no pay, no social security, and no money of her own. If you are working with him, you are also paying the bills as you are earning the money. But he is taking credit for the income generated by his income. 

Do you even have access to the financial books for the company? If you do not, you need to get access to them.

How is he interfering with your job interviews? Why is he even around when you have an interview?


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

You are unhappy because you are married to a control freak that belittles you. I think he is emotionally abusive to you. No wonder you feel frumpy and old.

How old are your kids?
There are plenty of part time jobs you can do while your kids are in school, you might even be able to get on at the school as a teachers aid. Do you have any experience in any particular field?

I would also suggest some counseling to get your self esteem back up that your hubby keeps pulling down.


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## tiredwife&sahm (Jan 4, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Check the laws in your state. Since you are married your are probably 50% owner even if that’s not stated on
> 
> I’ve seen this scenario so many times. The wife “helps” her husband. But she gets no pay, no social security, and no money of her own. If you are working with him, you are also paying the bills as you are earning the money. But he is taking credit for the income generated by his income.
> 
> ...


Many of my interviews have been over the phone because many of them have been telecommute due to my trying to make sure I can pickup my children every day from school. Their school doesn't offer the after-school program at the moment due to budget cuts.Yes, I do have access to the books,but I better not use any money or we will argue all night long. He will say that he needs the money to stay put for something he needs for the business. He always uses that line and he knows I know it's not true,but he's better at arguing than me I shut down very quick in arguments.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

It sounds as though you're bored and in desperate need of being around people your own age. I'm sure you love your family dearly, but it does sound like you went straight from schoolgirl to homemaker with very little else in between.

You need to convey to to your H that whilst you love him and your children, and they are your number 1 priority, you also need to feel that you're accomplishing something for yourself.

I would get the youngest into kindergarten, OP, and look around for a part-time job. I would also enroll for a night class / distance learning and get qualified for a career.

You're very young, still, and have the rest of your life ahead of you, and your H shouldn't be trying to hold you back from achieving something in your own right.


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## Moulin (Jul 30, 2013)

Depression is not a mid life crisis. I would seek out therapy and some activities/hobbies that you can do on your own.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

tiredwife&sahm said:


> Many of my interviews have been over the phone because many of them have been telecommute due to my trying to make sure I can pickup my children every day from school. Their school doesn't offer the after-school program at the moment due to budget cuts.Yes, I do have access to the books,but I better not use any money or we will argue all night long. He will say that he needs the money to stay put for something he needs for the business. He always uses that line and he knows I know it's not true,but he's better at arguing than me I shut down very quick in arguments.


Good, make copies of them and store the copies someplace like at a friend or family's home. 

If you can get to the point that you do all the book keeping, accounting for the business do it. The more you know about it from that aspect the less he can hide from you.


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