# tables have turned- i want the sex and not getting it



## wishfulthinking (Feb 6, 2008)

Usually its the guys complaining about the sex being gone and the women stressed because the men arent appreciative of the work they do ----

Yea, in this case i am a 23yo female.. I have been with him for 7 months now. im not married yet but as i was looking at the forums, this site has sensible advice, unlike the dating forums. I would really appreciate some advice- 

I love him and he tells me he loves me all the time. 

Most of the time he shows it and i love it and its wonderful- but lately i have just been so snappy towards him. recently in the last few months i have not gotten sex, as in i have to beg for it- as in i don't get it for 3 weeks straight. He blames it on the theroid operation he got 2 years ago- but then again when we first met we did have sex more often!
This is the fight we have- thats it... other than this were actually great together-- but i cant seem to get myself passed this issue---

Yes- i need sex- im a women who wants sex-
I do a lot for him i really do, but lately i have just been resenting him. I just get so mad that i start not believing that he loves me when he says it!

HE kisses me , hell hold me, he will cuddle and say such sweet things--- 
but i feel like such a *****- no i am a big ***** and as i leave his apartment i say things like "i guess im not getting any" i hate myself for blurting it out- shouldnt i be content with the fact that i finally found a guy who mixes with my family, whose family i met, who i go grocery shopping with, who i can sit and do nothing with, who says i love you?!

I am under a lot of stress between having 3 jobs and things going on with my career and so forth- and i go the extra 35 miles to see him---- which because of his schedule and mine we only see each other 1-2x a week i take time to go over there--- We have talked about marriage but,....but.... 
I dont know what im thinking anymore!!!
I started off with the most amazing relationship ever, full of love, fun and just great- we talked about everything- honest with each other and in love- as we were-
And now i find myself pissed off and unable to talk to him about this. I keep feeling so frustrated i feel like he dosent want me- i said this to him before then he all of a sudden wanted to have sex---- so of course i just felt like pitty sex--- the two times i have brought up the sex issue he has told me he loved me and he didnt know why it was a big deal
I feel like a guy- like my guy friends when they date some random chick for too long, that wont give it up anymore, so they leave her 
This isin't a random guy-- i really want to be with him for the rest of my life, but why am i so frustrated with the fact that he doesn't want sex?!
i dont want to be in a marriage where we have separate beds
I also dont want to have to beg for it every single time.
Am i expecting too much?! I think im the problem... or maybe he just dosent want me anymore.. you can love the IDEA of someone and not really be trully passionately in love with someone.... AHHHH


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I wish I could tell you what you want to hear, but I'm in that marriage that lies ahead of you if you go through with it. I was 23 when I got married to what I thought was the only man on earth who could deny a woman sex when she needed it so badly. I was and still am so confused about it. He does not fit the normal bill of men being dogs. I can't offer you any advice, as I'm trying to sort things out myself. And true that... other than the bedroom woes, he's a great man. He's a good father, a great provider, never forgets a birthday or anniversary, extremely level headed, helps out around the house, etc etc. I would be foolish to let him go. I'm also hurting that I've suffered for so long. He is finally aware that things need to change and is fervently working on it. I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only woman who has a man that is not interested. The only problem is that it is so rare that there is little to no information (short of "miracle" pills) on the web about it and even the two thereapists we've seen have been dumbfounded by it. Best of luck to you.


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## sarahdale24 (Feb 3, 2008)

Honestly, and this may hurt, but I think you are being a slight bit unreasoable. I mean he has EVERYTHING else to offer you and give to you and you brush off the fact that he says its from a past thyroid problem? I would research what that is and find ways to make it better for him rather than brush it off. Until you have to experience that yourself, then I wouldn't brush it off. I think you need to step back and take a long hard look at yourself. Don't make it a "chore" to drive 35mins to see him, and then expect sex. Sounds like you have a great man there, and you need to show a little more compassion. If I were a guy, and had a woman doing that to me I'd drop her ass in a heart beat. *sorry to be harsh*, if you really love him, you would try to HELP him be more sexual, to find out whats really wrong, and not be a *****...


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## wishfulthinking (Feb 6, 2008)

Lately yes i have been feeling like its a chore- he dosent reciprocate the favor, or drive down to see me. I often drive those miles to do an errand for him while hes at work.

I do have a great guy- And i have researched the theroid issue- the thing is he will honestly tell me he masturbated in the morning, knowing that i was goin to come over to see him that night- because "he just cant help it at that moment" He says the theroid being gone has made him less sexual- but then why would he have been sooo sexual when we first started dating. I am always the initiator and it gets kind of old.. if i could get rid of my overly abundant hormones- i soooo would.
Maybe i just need it too much.. 

I dont know, i really appreciate the advice from both of you, and i think i will end up married- with no sex yikes--- psychs dont even know what to do? should i just invest now in a $400 toy....?!


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

Girl, you are young. You haven't even reached your sexual peak yet. That won't hit for almost ten more years. If the sex has dropped off that much in seven months, how will it be later?? I know sex is not supposed to be a basis for a relationship, but sex does play a heavy role in a marriage and if both parties are on way different pages, then it will cause a lot of problems in the relationship. If you're happy fulfilling your desires by yourself, then go for the toys and you'll at least be able to release your frustrations. I just worry that that might not always be enough for you and at some point you will be tempted by another. Someone more suave, someone who knows what he's doing, someone with great sexual confidence. Then what?? And the fact that you're concerned enough to post this story is a signal. Things won't get better once you get married. Has he proposed?? Seven months isn't long for a relationship... I'd definitely give it a lot more time before taking that leap that is supposed to last the rest of your life. 

I think the thyroid thing sounds like an excuse if he's still got a desire to handle things on his own and if you shared more passion earlier in the relationshp. Is there an issue from his past that might be keeping him from expressing himself?? My husband was raised very religiously and I think that has a lot to do with his problems. 

I can just empathize with you. We're a rare breed, the female who wants the sex who just seems to have found the "only" man in the world that doesn't.


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## wishfulthinking (Feb 6, 2008)

julie, we even share a name. 

I just dont know!
i just do sooo much for him, including tomorrow i am co signing a loan for him...
I bring him dinner, i cook for his friends, i run his errands, i do what ever he wants, yet when i ask for sex, or for god sakes rubbing my neck, he somehow forgets or says hes no tin the mood... I just have never felt more rejected then in those momments.. and he says i love you... and thats the end of the conversation...

I am just double thinking our relationship over sex... i never thought i would be this girl..... 


Thank you for your advice. I am really taking time to think about what is important... Passion... or commitment-companion ship?!


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## MyKidsMom (Feb 5, 2008)

Ok my husband and I have been in a relationship for 13 years for about 11 of them all was great sex went down as the years went on but It was still on ( if you know what I mean ) then I got prego and nothing then the baby was born still nothing 7 months later something. Now I wait for 2-3 months and he has fun and Im left wondering. My situation is different cause there is a whole other story, but girl I hear you loud and clear. I wonder all the time about cheating just to be touched. Dont do this to your self, love him for who he is and dont fool your self that love is enough. Not this early in the game.


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## fredfoxw28 (Jan 11, 2008)

Hi 

Did you ever think he might be gay. I read an article about a women who experienced the same things you have and her mate was raised very religious. They got married and he was a good husband and partner but he was not interested in sex. I am not saying he is but there may be an underline reason why he is not interested. You have only been with him for 7 months, there is no rush to get married. Also if sex is so important to you then you need to find someone who is sexually compatible to your needs. If you were a married women my advice would be different but since it's still early in the game, I think you need to think about your self and your needs first. You can not force someone to change. Trust me I know. My husband wants it all the time but does not want to put the effort that comes with it. If you continue to read these blogs you will see there are alot of people who are going through the sex issue and if you don't have to why should you. Cut your losses now, before it's just you and your toy.


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