# My husband does not seem to love and respect me



## nikole527 (Mar 30, 2014)

I am 24 years old and I got married December of last year. When we were dating my husband made it seem like everything was going to be ok, so I was confident in accepting his marriage proposal. He has a child with another woman and while we were dating this never seemed to be a problem. After we got married I see the respect that he had for me decrease and also the love that he use to show me. I constantly have issues with his childs mother and he doesn't seem to ever want to back me up. I feel that for the simple fact that I am his wife that he should stand behind me every step of the way, but he doesn't. He shows his childs mother more respect than he shows me. I am just so tired and frustrated and I need a last option before our marriage falls to pieces. I just feel that he still wants to be with his childs mother due to the respect he gives me vs. the respect he gives her. The way he talks to me, I don't believe any woman should have to go through it. The cursing and putting me down does something to my self esteem and at times when I want to leave him love gets in the way. What should I do?


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

Wow. Sounds like you are right. I dont think he is over her and he was looking for someone to fill that void she left. If he is still that hung up on her and treating you like that this early in your marriage ts not good at all. You need to sit him down and explain what you are feeling and what you need from him as a partner and lover. If he does not show positive signs of improvement in a short time. You need to make a change. This is just not good for a newlywed. I am so sorry to hear this has happened so soon. But maybe better soon than 15 years down the road.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Cursing and putting you down? And you're only 24? You need a divorce, OP.

There is no reason to accept this.


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

I would never tell someone they need a divorse so Quickly without fighting for what they need and want from their partner. But I agree you dont treat someone you love like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Jamestone said:


> I would never tell someone they need a divorse so Quickly without fighting for what they need and want from their partner. But I agree you dont treat someone you love like that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I have been with dh 21 years, married 20. He has never cursed at me. I remember one put down in all this time.

I cannot recommend another woman put up with what I would not put up with myself.


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

I was not suggesting she put up with anything like that. I have been married 12 years and never cursed at or called my wife a name. I cant say the same for her. Not that she has done it much but she has. I just meant she needs to lay out the things are acceptable and whats not and do everything to save her marriage before she just quits without a telling her hubby whats wrong and how to fix.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Dh has never called me names, either.

I agree that communication is important, but when a man is calling a woman names and cursing at her, he has crossed a line, at least for me.


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## Duguesclin (Jan 18, 2014)

I think it is different if it is a man or a woman. Men have much more physical power and are more threatening. This lady should not accept being treated this way. Because it is unlikely to stop.

She needs to make clear boundaries with what is acceptable and what is not. Verbal abuse, from a man, is not acceptable, period. 

Maybe before threatening divorce, she could leave the home when he is verbally abusive. Have him think about it and see if he wants to continue the relationship. It will have to be his choice.


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

I agree. Lay down the rules and if he cant accept make a move.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nikole527 (Mar 30, 2014)

Duguesclin said:


> I think it is different if it is a man or a woman. Men have much more physical power and are more threatening. This lady should not accept being treated this way. Because it is unlikely to stop.
> 
> She needs to make clear boundaries with what is acceptable and what is not. Verbal abuse, from a man, is not acceptable, period.
> 
> ...


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## Jamestone (Mar 30, 2014)

Wow. Thats hard to hear nicole. I am truely sorry you are going through this again. Smh.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Nikole, I would strongly encourage you to get counseling for this. And honestly, I would be thinking divorce, and then a long spell of aloneness after that. 

That would give you time to just focus on yourself, and figure out what is attracting you to men who do not cherish you the way you deserve, the way every woman deserves.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I wonder if your husband has some resentment for you sticking your fingers into their parenting.

Not saying how he is treating you is right....

Wondering if you can give us example of some of the things you guys fight about (especially with his ex).

You probably shouldn't even be talking to his ex AT ALL....


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

When it comes to his child and his child's mother,you'll always be last in line if it's starting out this way. He will never have your back. check out some step-mom forums if you don't believe that,get a wake up call from those ladies. The ones who have spent the best years of their life trying to get respect in a situation like yours.
He has no respect for you and doesn't want your opinions.

Either live with it or leave.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

How well can you stand up for yourself? If you can, then calmly call him on his words or actions right after they happen. Take a deep breath, look him in the eye, and tell him that you are not okay with that specific treatment, it makes you feel unloved and disrespected, and you'd like an apology. Keep doing that for a while, and he will either adjust his behavior, or you'll know that he's not worth staying for.


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Disrespect is one of the fastest ways to destroy a marriage relationship. I work for a Marriage & Family Non-Profit and have dealt with many people who have gone through divorce or are facing it. The time to act is sooner than later. I recommend two books - "Love Must Be Touch: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis" by Dr. James Dobson and "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emmerson Eggerich. Things can change but they seldom do if you allow yourself to be treated this way. Have you sought the help of a counselor or Pastor? A non-partisan third party could be very beneficial for your situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

jld said:


> Nikole, I would strongly encourage you to get counseling for this. And honestly, I would be thinking divorce, and then a long spell of aloneness after that.
> 
> That would give you time to just focus on yourself, and figure out what is attracting you to men who do not cherish you the way you deserve, the way every woman deserves.


Yes, yes, yes. Nikole, there is a reason you keep choosing men like this. You need to figure out why and counseling can help with that. 

 So sorry, my dear. At 24, you have time to build your life the way you want it. Go out and get the tools needed to make a successful change.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

jld said:


> Cursing and putting you down? And you're only 24? You need a divorce, OP.
> 
> There is no reason to accept this.


This.

Why would you stay married to someone who cusses you out? At all?

Run away as fast as you can.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

Just a few questions before I can really give any advice, though I have to say your husband sounds exactly like my daughters biological father. Why didn't it work out with him and his ex (what did he tell you about their relationship)? How involved is he with his child? How long did you two date/live together before getting married? 

It sounds like he manipulated you into getting married. If someone loves you they don't treat you like this, period.


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## Pinkpetal (Jan 2, 2014)

You've only been married since December? It sounds to me like H was on his best behaviour til he got what he wanted and has since decided to drop the act. I suspect that you were a rebound relationship so he could show his ex that he could get someone else. She is still very much his focus. I'm sorry, but I don't believe he married you for love Nikole. Not with the treatment you are receiving. In my opinion his true colours are starting to show.

I'm with jld. I don't think this situation will get better. Your second marriage or not, it doesn't matter as long as you learn from it. I think the smart thing to do here is to take care of YOU - and in my opinion that means bailing, and then finding some counselling for yourself so you can make better choices in the future.


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## nikole527 (Mar 30, 2014)

I thank you all for the encouraging advice. Today is a bitter sweet moment for me as I have caught him cheating. I needed to see that to go ahead and push me out the door. I was willing to work with him on fixing us but I won't stand to be cheated on especially if all I do is cook and clean and wait for him to get off of work. Well I better get packing. Once again thank you and God bless you all. Much love. Nikole
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

(((((Nikole)))))

I am so glad you are packing. It is really for the best. Let the loser go.

Again, big hugs, and best wishes. Onward, and truly, upward.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How long did you two date before you got married? How old is he?

C


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Good luck.


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