# B1 and I could use some genuine encouragement



## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

B1 and I are truly doing well in our reconciliation, and I thank each and every one of you who have participated in our journey, thus far. Even those of you who I frequently and vehemently disagree with. For good or for bad, we've learned something valuable from each of you. The truth is, I care about all of you, and wish only good things for everyone who posts on TAM. 

I've often alluded to the fact that B1 and I have faced, and continue to face, many huge obstacles in our lives that are not related to my infidelity. They're very painful and we have chosen to keep these issues private. Rather than driving a wedge between us, at a time when they could have easily done so, our bond and our commitment to one another has grown even deeper, as we have only had one another to lean on throughout this difficult ordeal. I've said many times that I could handle just about anything except losing B1. This seems to be proving true, as I feel as though we have had to endure many losses. But, now, we truly have one another, like never before, and that makes it all worthwhile. I can face anything with B1 by my side. 

We're coming to the conclusion of one of these ongoing hurdles. It's the end of one obstacle and the beginning of something completely unknown. It's going to eventually be for the best, but it will get a lot more difficult before it gets better. While this has been coming to a conclusion, we have been confronted with a very serious health crises with one of our children. Like so many things in our life, it will be an ongoing challenge. But, there is nothing that B1 and I would not do for any of our children. 

And, finally, though I haven't shared this, not on TAM, or Facebook, for those of you who B1 and I have befriended away from TAM, B1 has been having some health problems of his own. Two weeks ago, I took him to the ER with chest pain, shortness of breath, arm, jaw, throat, and back pain. He had been feeling extremely fatigued since the holidays. He was admitted and had a heart catheterization while he was hospitalized. There were no blockages, just some narrowing in one artery. The cardiologist called it mild to moderate heart disease. He and I both have a family history of heart disease on both sides of both sides of our families. That's a quadruple strike for our biological children. The doctor changed a few meds and sent him home. Yesterday, we spent another day in the ER with his BP being dangerously high. As it turned out, it was actually a medication issue that was quickly discovered and corrected. Still, it will take a few days for his BP to go back down. My stress level has been through the roof.

I'm sharing this because I don't presume to believe that he and I are the only people on TAM, or anywhere else, who are bearing more than what meets the eye. We all have crosses to bear. It's one of the reasons that I often talk about mercy and compassion over condemnation and judgement. I guess what I'm trying to say is that, for me, it is more desirable to be kind to someone who we may believe is undeserving or unworthy, than to be harsh with someone who may be having to bear more than what they deem to be bearable. Whether it be physical or emotional, we don't get to choose what another person's threshold for pain is. 

This brings me to one of my all time favorite quotes: _"Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."_ I'm not suggesting that anyone on TAM should ever take it easy on infidelity, but perhaps we could take it a little easier on the individuals involved. I was the WS, but still, my family needs me. They need this still flawed, and one-time, very broken individual. If I had not been a stronger person, at my core, some of the earlier comments that I received on TAM might have had a more negative influence on me, and I might not be here with my family today. I wasn't strong enough, at the time, to avoid infidelity, but I thank God that I was strong enough, with the love and support of my husband, to survive it, and to be able to help him survive it, as well. 

We would very much appreciate your prayers, positive thoughts, and good wishes at this time. I can't even count how many times I have posted on TAM, while sitting beside a hospital bed.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Well, I searched Google and couldn't find a single damn image of John Candy praying, bowing his head, etc. I really did try. 

Instead, I offer this...

ray: ray: ray: ray: ray: ray: ray: ray: ray: ray:


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

You got it, EI. You and B1 can handle this, side-by-side.


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## Dogbert (Jan 10, 2015)

Me and the AllMighty may not be tight but it won't stop me from asking Him/Her to help B1, you and your loved ones.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Be praying for you two and your family. It is a good reminder to this barbarian, to be tempered with kindness. Lord knows I have hardness in spades!

Do I still get to be a jackass? I probably can't always help it but I am dealing with my own garbage as well.

Thanks for sharing and caring. I am very sorry, and concerned, for B1 and you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

You should look up l-citrulene supplementation. It helps in the production of arginine, which is a precursor to help release nitric oxide in blood vessels. It relaxes the muscles, and helps dilate the blood vessels. . Vegetables, especially beets can help prevent heart disease. Of course he should probably eat a banana a day for the potassium.

Do the research on L-citrulene and talk to a doctor.

Everyone is disfunctional in some way. If it could be treated, we all would be healthier partners in a relationship. Just like a sociopath cannot help that they are a sociopath. Although for most, there is help. We tend to be ever evolving, learning and growing. Rarely are we static. People are not just black and white, even though some would like to label people as such. We all have our good and bad qualities. That is what makes us humans. Some of us are self-aware of our flaws and work on it, some need it pointed out, and some are just disfunctional that they are not in touch with reality.


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## Borntohang (Sep 4, 2014)

El, You don't know me, and I've never commented on any of your posts. But I've been a long time lurker (more than 2yrs) Your posts have not only helped me, but lots of others! My heart goes out to you and your family. Prayers being sent!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Prayers for you and yours and many thanks to you both.

There was a news report last week about oats and avacados being super food for the heart. My wife loves avacados. Unfortunately, I find them tasteless. I guess I'll be eating it anyway. Lol

Do the both of you work out? I find lifting to be a great stress reliever and mood elevator and my bp goes down. My doctor said that normal.

Good luck

Chap


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

EI, my heart goes out to you. One thing after another. Just know that you have friends who respect you and want to help -- even if it is just listen while you vent. We care.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

EI,

I am not a religious person, but you and B1 will be in my thoughts. I, too, have sat vigil with children and other loved ones who face serious illness. I have faced my own challenges in this regard and have likewise come to my own philosophy that values kindness and respect for others. I believe that if someone needs a hand & I am fortunate enough to be able to offer it, then I offer.

So, here's a virtual offer. If there's anything I can help with, please don't hesitate to ask.

aD


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

EI, It may not mean much in the scheme of all things, yet Mrs AW and I have you all in our thoughts.


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

A wise man from Brooklyn, not this one, once said:

"Kentucky woman, she gets to know you, she gets to own you."

I don't pray per se but I do talk to my creator every day and I'll mention your initials tomorrow when I do.

Seasalt


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

EI & B1- I wish you and your family the very best and what I pray will be a speedy recovery.

When a couple is trul;y committed to each other and their marriage- then I believe in...

United we stand

That will be the case for you guys.

All the best
WD


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

E1

So sorry to hear of the medical issues with B1. Well wishes and prayers to you and your loved ones. I must admit something to you both, when I first lurked here I read the reconciliation thread. Reading stories from this thread had a helping hand in me choosing reconciliation. 

Your strength was inspiring to me, your words full of wisdom, and your kindness refreshing to see. Unfortunately, to me at least, B1 had almost stopped posting and there weren't many posts to read by him. He quietly inspired me to reconcile. His posts were also inspiring, wise, and kind. I think of him as the strong silent type. Prayers for a speedy recovery. 

Drifting on


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

EI
You and B1 are some of the most encouraging people on TAM. Not just because of your words but because of your actions!

Like B1, some time ago I had to go to the cardiologist and have all those test including an angiogram. The conclusion was that I was so stressed that I was having all the symptoms of serious heart disease. The reason for my stress was because my son was in danger of becoming disabled or dead due to his serious drug addiction for years. When my son got a LOT better my heart situation went away. I hope that B1’s condition is due to stress, not that stress is not dangerous, but it is a lot better than true heart disease. My prayer is that God will help you and up hold you all and that your whole family will get a lot better and that B1’s heart situation goes away. That will also bring your stress level back down from the roof and down to your dinner table so that you can enjoy your dinner again.

EI, your humble request for our prayers to the highest power in the universe is touching. I also think that is has wisdom as you know that when we come together with the right heart that God will be with you. I am going to post a few scriptures that may help you.

For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them"
*Matthew 18:20*


Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you
*1 Peter 5:7*


Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
* Isaiah 41:10*


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## convert (Oct 4, 2013)

EI, I love you any B1 you guys are one of the reasons I am trying R. at least you guys give me hope.

I will send prayers you way


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

I will keep B1 in my prayers.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Thoughts and prayers to you both.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You are, of course, in my prayers.ray:

Ah, the joys of multiple medications!


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

Good luck, EI. I am sure with the strength of your relationship and your family, everyone will come through alright. Your family is in my prayers


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

((( HUGS ))) and lots of 'em, for all of you all. And a big oh fvck, sorry to hear it. Thinking of you.


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

Both of you have my thoughts and my prayers.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I am so humbled by your outpouring of concern for B1 and our family. To be honest, I'm not even sure what drove me to share this much of our story, other than the realization that I can't carry this by myself, anymore, and that we need all of the encouragement and support that we can get right now. For as much as we've shared, we've kept a lot more to ourselves. It's hard to put yourself out there, to make yourself this vulnerable, especially when you don't know what you might get back.

To be honest, I was afraid that I might get a "Well, what did you expect" type of response, or that I might be told that all of this was my fault. But, the truth is, what if it is my fault? Would that make B1 or our children any less deserving of prayer and support? Or, even me? I've been trying very hard, I've been trying to help my family get through this, all of it; the infidelity, the health issues, the financial issues, everything. But, sometimes I need help, too. But, the mere mention of a WS saying "I need......" can send shock waves through TAM. And, for many people, this is the greatest, and sometimes, only source of support they have. Otherwise, we wouldn't all be spending so much time here. I was afraid to ask for support because it's always been my calling to be the source of support.

But, in a moment of frazzled desperation, after an extremely stressful week, I made this post and logged off. B1 and I sat on the couch and just tried to relax and unwind for a while tonight. He went to bed a little while ago, and I got on Facebook to check on some dog rescues stories that I've been following. One of my TAM friends sent me a pm asking if I'd read the outpouring of support that B1 and I were receiving. I hadn't, because I had been afraid to look. 

I am completely humbled, just bawling. Thank you all so much. You have no idea how much it means to me. Gus, you, both, cursed and prayed in the same sentence. You may be my brother from another mother. 

I've read lovely comments from at least two new posters who I've never even seen before on TAM. I can't even begin to tell you how much that means to me. I'd like to respond to each of you, but I don't have the clarity of mind to do that tonight. Yesterday, B1's BP was 213/111 at the hospital. Today it was down to 160/101 the last time we checked it. That's still dangerously high. He, actually went to work today. And, no, I could not make him stay home. 

Happy as a Clam, you asked about the other hurdles. I'm not sure that I have it in me to go there right now. But, I will say that because of multiple, and some extremely catastrophic health issues, over the last several years, we have suffered greatly financially. We have managed to recover as much as we possibly can, but it's going to cost us our home. We've known that it was coming for quite some time. One of those catastrophic health issues occurred when one of our sons completely destroyed his knee playing football during his senior year of high school. Four surgeries and a cadaver knee transplant later, and he still has serious problems with his knee. If that were not difficult enough, he became addicted to his pain medication. Four surgeries, with physical therapy between each one, over a 17 month period of time, with non-stop narcotics being prescribed the entire time, and never once did any doctor or health care professional think to warn him, or us, that he just might have a serious problem coming off of the pain meds...... cold turkey. And, he did. This is a lot more than I intended to share, as it is our son's personal health information. FYI, I hate those damn HIPAA laws.

Once, again, thank you all so very much. I've been running on empty and just reading though this thread has lifted my spirits more than you can imagine.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Prayers and strength for your family from up north. You've been such a positive influence on this board. Hold on to that positivity and your strength in one another. God bless.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

EI said:


> Gus, you, both, cursed and prayed in the same sentence. You may be my brother from another mother.


Ha! Once again, my talent for spontaneous profanity trumps all.

:smthumbup:


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## Forever Grateful (Aug 15, 2013)

Both me and RTBP send our prayers and best wishes to you and B1!


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

My blood pressure was much higher than your hubbys at one time so he is fine haha!. Seriously they will find the right meds to help get it under control. Blood pressure meds are trial and error as everyone seems to react differently to them. 

It just takes a little patience till they find the right one for him. The two of you together have faced every obstacle and made it over them. You will again overcome the potholes in the road of life and come out on top. You have a special family and I wish you nothing but the best.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Head over to LEF.ORG. Life Extension Foundation. 

TONS of research and recommendations there. 

Just search on his health issue. Lots of reading there. Be careful if the docs give him statin drugs. Get their CoQ10. Statins destroy Q10 and make things worse.

Talk to doc first. He could probably reduce BP meds with CoQ10 and Olive leaf & Celery extract (ACE inhibitor and Beta Blocker). I know. Works for me. Mine is now at target pressure which is 110/70. 120/80 is already too high. Study their research.

He can temporarily reduce BP with simple breathing exercises. Breath in deeply and slowly for 6 seconds, then exhale slowly for 6 seconds. Cycle it A bit longer if possible. Do this for a minute or so. He'll get the feel for it once he does it a few times. Will temporarily reduce it a lot. You'd be surprised. He can do this anywhere. Get a couple blood pressure cuffs. The wrist type. He can check frequently.


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

EI and B1. (((Hugs)))) I'm so sorry to read this. You are both so strong. B1 I hope you are back to good health soon. My positive thoughts go out to you both.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

EI, I'm very sorry to hear of your troubles. I will add you and B1 to my prayer list.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Hmmm, I'm thinking back to something you said:



EI said:


> Hold your wife, and family, extra close. Comfort one another. I will keep your family in my prayers. Again, I'm so sorry.


Back at you lady ray:

Best thoughts and prayers you way for you, your son and B1.


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## Rookie4 (Nov 26, 2012)

Heart Disease is not as threatening as it used to be. My Uncle has had numerous bypasses and heart Caths, and is 95 years old. You guys will have to alter your lifestyle, a bit, but you will be OK. Stay strong, love each other, and enjoy your friends and family, and it will come out just fine. You are in my heart and prayers.


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## italianjob (May 7, 2014)

Best wishes, and prayersray:


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Biggest hugs and prayers!! I am so glad you opened up and have allowed up to come along side you lending our strength during these times. Very wise, Sweet Lady. Sorry for the fears regarding TAM reaction, but understand very well and praying we all get better at expressing truth in love. All of us hurt...

All my best prayers to you...


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## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

Praying for both of you....hope the best outcome possible!! you are a great inspiration to me!!!!


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

honcho said:


> My blood pressure was much higher than your hubbys at one time so he is fine haha!. Seriously they will find the right meds to help get it under control. Blood pressure meds are trial and error as everyone seems to react differently to them.
> 
> It just takes a little patience till they find the right one for him. The two of you together have faced every obstacle and made it over them. You will again overcome the potholes in the road of life and come out on top. You have a special family and I wish you nothing but the best.


:iagree:

I know what you mean. I'm on Norvasc AND Zestril myself, so I have to take these for life.

Sending my thoughts and prayers to B1 and EI. The two of you have gone through a lot.

*“The Lord bless you and keep you; The Lord make His face shine upon you, And be gracious to you; The Lord lift up His countenance upon you, And give you peace.”’

Numbers 6:24-26*


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Please tell B1 to take care of himself and his family.

I have always appreciated the remarks that both of you share and your involvement here.

The heart is always a big concern. But there is hope.

Because of my father's history, I keep trying to get on the elliptical machine for a half an hour a day. I need to do more.

the heart problems can be scary. So he (Dad) had a couple of heart attacks in his mid 50s. (scary both times) But he changed his lifestyle. He is not a runner, but walked and walked and walked. Sometimes outside, sometimes in malls. 

He did have another procedure in his late 60s. (bypass) He is now in his mid 80s. He has had a pacemaker put in as well.

But with change, he has changed and lived longer than I thought he would. 

He has impressed me with his change and he has had a reasonable good quality of life. So I am hoping that B1 gets better along with your entire family.

Tell him I appreciate his advice to me. Time to get on the elliptical. Helps me to watch TV while I play with the machine.

Hoping for better for your family.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Sorry to read this. Sending prayers your way.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

EI:

Anyone who is still so jaded that they cannot see God at work in your family's life, or would think to tell you that you have not somehow earned the right to express a need for support, is not worth consideration. I said this to Mrs. Matthias, and I will say it to you: your actions have shown you not to be a cheater, but someone who cheated. To me, there is a vast difference between the two.

You guys are a the CWI success story all WS and BS should see as the bench mark for reconciliation.

You have my prayers. Stay strong. God places obstacles in our road for a reason. Seek His guidance so you can see what lesson He would have you learn.

You guys are great. Never change.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Also, get a full blood test on him. Hormones too. Then get the numbers not verbal "normal range" BS from the doc.

I'll bet his testosterone is way low (anything below 550 is way too low - many health threats to men below 550. I would be surprised in your H condition if his total T was anywhere near or above 500). his blood glucose is above 100, triglycerides are off the charts. Cholesterol high too. High LDL and low HDL.

Make sure a male hormone panel is included. Please, please get a copy of the blood test. 

If your doc refuses (idiots) order it from LEF.ORG. If you get it from them, you can speak to one of their doctors for 30 minutes free of charge.

LIfe Extension Foundation is having an annual sale right now. The blood test will be very very cheap.

Start a new diet for him. NO WHITE FOOD. bread, cheese, potatoes, pizza, rice, noodles, sugar and salt all off the list. ZERO High Fructose Corn Syrup. EVER. IT'S POISON TO THE BODY. Read the labels on all food you buy. If it has HFC syrup, put it back on the shelf.

Try to buy food that's not processed. Ever notice there are no ingredients on foods that are actually healthy? Banana, apple, oranges all don't have ingredients... Get him on dark green veggies.

CoQ10 from LEF 100 MG 3 times a day. They sell pharmaceutical grade supplements. Get him to exercise. Lift weights and aerobic. Whatever he can do.

Research the site. You'll learn more than your doctor easily.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

EI,

We have only overlapped on one other thread before this and I learned from that thread that you really exhibit the aloha spirit as if you were born and raised in Hawaii.

I know how much of an uphill struggle dealing with health issues and hospitals can be. It gets to the point where the cafeteria staff know you by name and you can tell which day of the week it is by the nurse staff present. Other responsibilities outside of the hospital don't get enough attention and you feel overwhelmed. But you are where you need to be and it matters so much to the person you are standing vigil for. That presence and attention you provide do as much to help the patient as the therapy. Never forget that. It is so tiring to go through but you are helping so much it shouldn't be discounted. 

My thoughts and well wishes are with you. May you dig deep and find the strength to continue with optimism. As another poster said heart issues are more manageable today than ever before. Take comfort in that and just take it one diagnoses at a time. Good Luck!


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Q tip said:


> Also, get a full blood test on him. Hormones too. Then get the numbers not verbal "normal range" BS from the doc.
> 
> I'll bet his testosterone is way low (anything below 550 is way too low - many health threats to men below 550. I would be surprised in your H condition if his total T was anywhere near or above 500). his blood glucose is above 100, triglycerides are off the charts. Cholesterol high too. High LDL and low HDL.
> 
> ...



Q tip, I read this and I just had to smile.  Thank you so much, I needed that this morning. This is all excellent information. And, as much as it seems like it should be common sense, the truth is, people get so busy just trying to survive their lives, that taking good care of themselves so that they can have great quality of life, very often falls by the wayside. But, the fact is, B1 just had all of that blood work done and all of those tests run, a couple of weeks ago, as he does every 3 months. B1's diagnosed low Testosterone was a huge issue for us in our pre-A marriage. He has been taking Testosterone injections for almost 3 1/2 years now. His Testosterone is currently within the normal range for a man in his age group. He also takes medication for his BP, and has been for about the last 15 years. And, someone else mentioned Potassium. His prescribed dose of Potassium is so high that he has to take it in liquid form, twice a day. He takes a vast array of medications to keep everything in check.

Unfortunately, B1's genetics, and his lack of a healthy diet, plays against him. Everything you mentioned on the foods to avoid list pretty much makes up his entire diet. Now, before anyone suggests that I can control what he eats, you might refer back to B1's original thread. I have about as much control over his eating habits as I had over his willingness to go to IC, and MC with me, and to get his low Testosterone treated, even after it had been diagnosed. B1 will change his eating habits when he gets darn good and ready. But, after the last few weeks, I think he may actually be getting darn good and ready, now!  He's already lost 6 lbs since he got out of the hospital, following his heart catheterization, two weeks ago. As far as vegetables go, especially green leafy vegetables, try convincing him that fries are not a vegetable....... go ahead, give it your best shot.  His favorite Friday night dinner is a steak, baked potato, and fries. And, yes, I can buy healthy foods, I can cook healthy foods, and I can eat healthy foods, but I can't eat his food for him. I always keep raw fruits and vegetables cleaned and in the frig, as well as low fat cheese cubes. We drink only skim milk, and diet soft drinks (which I know is just as unhealthy.)

B1 was going to the gym and working out regularly for quite a while. But, then life, as always, starts to 'happen' and he got out of the habit. He's an extremely talented photographer, and when the weather is nice, you can't hold him back. He's hikes all over Bernheim Forrest, all weekend, every weekend, and that's great exercise. Two of our sons are photographers, as well, so that's great father/son bonding time for them.

A little update: B1's BP is 160/95 as of this moment. It's coming back down, slower than we'd like, but it's still coming down. I haven't even told him about this thread, yet. He doesn't read or post on TAM, anymore. But, I will tell him, now, and I'm sure that he will appreciate everyone's prayers, kind words, and thoughtful suggestions just as much as I do.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Sending both of you good thoughts and prayers.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

Fried white food? French fries, double dose of poison...

You need to a manage is estrodoil levels too. Must remain between 20-30. Below or above is unhealthy. 

t levels "normal" for his age is doctor speak for incompetence. They must be between 700-900. Free T 20-25. LEF.ORG has the research. 

His T shots. What type of T is it, how often does he get them. Most T shots have a half life of like 7 days. So if he gets them bi-weekly or worse, it will put him through highs and crashes in T levels. Not good either. Cruel, actually. Kinda like a tank of gas lasting a week, but filling up every two weeks.


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## Guitarman07 (Jun 21, 2014)

EI,
I have read many of your posts. Your responses are always so dead on...they come from the heart and are true to me and obviously many others here. Not all of us post much but lurk and learn

Any man who's been married for a long time (15 years and getting better everyday in my case ) could learn volumes on how to treat their wives by reading what you write.

I am praying for your child's sanctity and your husbands health. 

In the words of Gary Zukav:

"Pain by itself is merely pain, but the experience of pain coupled with an understanding that the pain serves a worthy purpose is suffering. 

"Suffering can be in endured because there is a reason for it that is worth the effort. 

"What is more worthy of your pain then the evolution of your soul?"


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By EI
> His prescribed dose of Potassium is so high that he has to take it in liquid form, twice a day


*Hey B1
Have a banana, have two bananas!

Your friend 
King Louie*


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

EI said:


> Q tip, I read this and I just had to smile.  Thank you so much, I needed that this morning. This is all excellent information. And, as much as it seems like it should be common sense, the truth is, people get so busy just trying to survive their lives, that taking good care of themselves so that they can have great quality of life, very often falls by the wayside. But, the fact is, B1 just had all of that blood work done and all of those tests run, a couple of weeks ago, as he does every 3 months. B1's diagnosed low Testosterone was a huge issue for us in our pre-A marriage. He has been taking Testosterone injections for almost 3 1/2 years now. His Testosterone is currently within the normal range for a man in his age group. He also takes medication for his BP, and has been for about the last 15 years. And, someone else mentioned Potassium. His prescribed dose of Potassium is so high that he has to take it in liquid form, twice a day. He takes a vast array of medications to keep everything in check.
> 
> Unfortunately, B1's genetics, and his lack of a healthy diet, plays against him. Everything you mentioned on the foods to avoid list pretty much makes up his entire diet. Now, before anyone suggests that I can control what he eats, you might refer back to B1's original thread. I have about as much control over his eating habits as I had over his willingness to go to IC, and MC with me, and to get his low Testosterone treated, even after it had been diagnosed. B1 will change his eating habits when he gets darn good and ready. But, after the last few weeks, I think he may actually be getting darn good and ready, now!  He's already lost 6 lbs since he got out of the hospital, following his heart catheterization, two weeks ago. As far as vegetables go, especially green leafy vegetables, try convincing him that fries are not a vegetable....... go ahead, give it your best shot.  His favorite Friday night dinner is a steak, baked potato, and fries. And, yes, I can buy healthy foods, I can cook healthy foods, and I can eat healthy foods, but I can't eat his food for him. I always keep raw fruits and vegetables cleaned and in the frig, as well as low fat cheese cubes. We drink only skim milk, and diet soft drinks (which I know is just as unhealthy.)
> 
> ...


B1 has to take ownership of his life just like your has to take ownership too. There is only so much you can do.

You do need to take care of yourself.

Remind B1 how important he is to you and to the kids. He needs to take of himself for all of you as well.

Sorry you are going through more. Please feel free to reach out to your friends on TAM. You are not alone.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Just saw this thread. EI, B1 and family, I pray that God takes whatever strength I have to give and sends it your way. I pray that B1's health returns and even improves. I pray that you EI will find peace even as trouble swirls around you. I also pray that you will compete the forgiveness process and lose any guilt that may remain. I pray that your children will find health, happiness and contentment in the Lord. This I pray in Jesus name, amen.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

Q tip said:


> Fried white food? French fries, double dose of poison...
> 
> You need to a manage is estrodoil levels too. Must remain between 20-30. Below or above is unhealthy.
> 
> ...


Just a quick cautionary note from grandpa here. I'm on T and I'm on an anticoagulant to prevent blood clots. My doctors insisted on cutting my T because the more T the more red blood cells and the more chance of clots.

We tracked me for a couple of months and they've moved my T back up a notch. Not where it was, but close.

The point I'm making is that there are many drug interactions. Couple those with genetics and lifestyle and you have a really complex mess.

But Q-tip is right. You (really B1) have to take part in your own treatment. And don't be afraid to ask questions.

By the way EI, have you had YOUR blood pressure taken recently?


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## Calibre1212 (Aug 11, 2014)

Much love and many blessings to you and hubby. Prayers and miracles are in order and on the way.


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

Wow, EI came to me and said I need to read this thread. I am glad I did!

Your thoughts and prayers, warm wishes, and health tips are just a blessing to us. EI and I are doing great, while turmoil surrounds us we stand united as one. We will survive the hurdles ahead of us. I won't lie and say I am not scared, I am. My health, my son's issues, our home, are all major life events. All are serious and all are scary. In saying that I am so glad I have EI here with me. She is my world, my better half so to speak. She is amazing and the love of my life. We are truly blessed to have each other and to have this second chance at life together. I still can't believe I got to such a low point in life that I tossed her aside. I still can't believe she got to such a low point and had an A. I CAN believe, because it's true, that we overcame all that and now we have a love that is stronger than ever. I have said it before, "feeling" is wonderful, experiencing love with her is a true blessing. 

Now, I can handle my health, I am already eating better, next is some type of exercise. My blood pressure is still high, I wish it wasn't, I think it's just going to take time to come back down. It's sitting in the 160\100 area. I had not been taking my Norvasc for about 7-10 days. It wasn't intentional, it was moved from it's normal position in my drawer and I just didn't take it. I know, it must be a getting old thing. Talk about feeling stupid, sitting in the ER and figuring that one out.

About my My T levels. They are right around 700, at about the 10 day mark it's around 500-600, I take shots bi-weekly (cypionate). According to my doctor normal T-levels are 170-700, which is a crock I know. It used to be 300-900. It was lowered this year. I can tell you me at 299 was devastating to my marriage. So saying 170 is normal is just absurd. Anyway, my levels seem good to me, I did take a little extra for a short while and my levels where at 1100 and I felt no difference at all. My doctor didn't like those numbers. 

Anyway, I just want to thank everyone again for your posts and kind words. They mean a lot. I will look into many of the things mentioned here, like C0q10 and LEF.org. I already take fish oil at a pretty large dosage, around 1200mg a day.

Ok, I have to go now, back to the basement, it was nice being able to eat on my own and see the upstairs, I just hope she doesn't tie the ropes so tight this time ;-)

Take care everyone.

B1 out..


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

I won't start singling out individuals because I'd never be able to finish thanking each of you if I started mentioning names. But, please know that I have read every one of your comments, several times, actually, and I have truly felt a sense of peace and contentment today that I haven't experienced in a very long time. It has been a while since I have felt so light. 

There truly is something to be said about the power of prayer. But, if you're not a Christian and you simply sent positive thoughts, or you offered advice, do know that it is just as appreciated. For the first time, in a long time, I'm smiling today. It was a quiet, non-eventful, overcast, cold Saturday; nothing special, and nothing catastrophic. And, in that, I heard a message that came through, loud and clear, _"Be still, and know that I am God."_ And, because I am rarely, if ever, still, I had to stop folding the laundry, and ask "Was that you, God?" Again, "Be still, and know that I am God." I don't know exactly what He has planned, but now that I've heard from Him, that's exactly what I'm going to do. For now, I am simply going to trust in Him, and be still, knowing that He is God.

Thank you all for lifting our names in prayer. 

BTW, at sidney's suggestion, I checked my own BP today. It was 100/73.  Thank you for asking. I'll be fine. B1 loves me, and that's all I ever really needed.


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

EI........ In the words of my departed grandmother “La migliore cosa che Dio abbia mai fatto è un altro giorno” The best thing God ever made is another day.

Your words have been inspirational to me and many here on TAM

I hope you find inspiration in the words of an old but wise Italian woman.

55


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

B1 said:


> Ok, I have to go now, back to the basement, it was nice being able to eat on my own and see the upstairs, I just hope she doesn't tie the ropes so tight this time ;-)


_Really, B1?_ :scratchhead:

Thanks, Babe, thanks a lot. You knew that's not what I meant when I said "Say something nice."


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

EI said:


> I won't start singling out individuals because I'd never be able to finish thanking each of you if I started mentioning names. But, please know that I have read every one of your comments, several times, actually, and I have truly felt a sense of peace and contentment today that I haven't experienced in a very long time. It has been a while since I have felt so light.
> 
> There truly is something to be said about the power of prayer. But, if you're not a Christian and you simply sent positive thoughts, or you offered advice, do know that it is just as appreciated. For the first time, in a long time, I'm smiling today. It was a quiet, non-eventful, overcast, cold Saturday; nothing special, and nothing catastrophic. And, in that, I heard a message that came through, loud and clear, _"Be still, and know that I am God."_ And, because I am rarely, if ever, still, I had to stop folding the laundry, and ask "Was that you, God?" Again, "Be still, and know that I am God." I don't know exactly what He has planned, but now that I've heard from Him, that's exactly what I'm going to do. For now, I am simply going to trust in Him, and be still, knowing that He is God.
> 
> Thank you all for lifting our names in prayer.


Know that you have friends. Many friends. 



> BTW, at sidney's suggestion, I checked my own BP today. It was 100/73.  Thank you for asking. I'll be fine. B1 loves me, and that's all I ever really needed.


Thank you! 100/70 is just fine, perhaps even a bit low. But keep your eye on it. Don't take it every day. Once a week ought to be enough. Just so you know what is going on.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I realised I had a severe high blood pressure issue when my then doctor took a reading and shouted out: "Oh, *sh*t*!"

"High, is it?" I said. 

She had gone pale and replied: "You could say that!":rofl:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EI, I think I know why B1 has high blood pressure.

(Just check your profile picture out...) :smthumbup:


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

We don't cross paths much on TAM, but I hope everything works out for you both.


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## loveisforever (Jun 21, 2012)

"(These difficulties) Rather than driving a wedge between us, at a time when they could have easily done so, our bond and our commitment to one another has grown even deeper, as we have only had one another to lean on throughout this difficult ordeal."

This is AFTER you two re-connected. This is NOW. 

" (These difficulties) driving a wedge between us, as they have easily done so "

This was BEFORE, as I remembered your story.

What a day and night difference!


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## Alpine (Mar 23, 2014)

EI – I am a long time lurker here (close to 2 years) and this thread has finally brought me “out” to post. You and B1 are in my thoughts and prayers for the strength and grace to face all of these challenges. The two of you have been a tremendous source of inspiration and hope for my fWW and I as we struggle through R (finally facing up to the rugswept pain and devastation nearly 20 years after her affairs). The courage and wisdom that I have found on your threads (from the two of you and the rest of the amazing TAM family) carried us through more dark days than I care to recall. A simple “thank you” seems inadequate. Be well.

“Grief has a place at the table; for it’s part of what we’re all made of; and it’ll stay long enough to remind us its mother is love.” J. McCutcheon


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Best wishes and positive thoughts to you both


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

B1 said:


> Wow, EI came to me and said I need to read this thread. I am glad I did!
> 
> Your thoughts and prayers, warm wishes, and health tips are just a blessing to us. EI and I are doing great, while turmoil surrounds us we stand united as one. We will survive the hurdles ahead of us. I won't lie and say I am not scared, I am. My health, my son's issues, our home, are all major life events. All are serious and all are scary. In saying that I am so glad I have EI here with me. She is my world, my better half so to speak. She is amazing and the love of my life. We are truly blessed to have each other and to have this second chance at life together. I still can't believe I got to such a low point in life that I tossed her aside. I still can't believe she got to such a low point and had an A. I CAN believe, because it's true, that we overcame all that and now we have a love that is stronger than ever. I have said it before, "feeling" is wonderful, experiencing love with her is a true blessing.
> 
> ...


B1,

You have a great family and they need you around. Take care of yourself and no more excuses.


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## owl6118 (Jan 30, 2014)

jim123 said:


> B1,
> 
> You have a great family and they need you around. Take care of yourself and no more excuses.


QFT. With a two handed gentle shake of your head, B1.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

B1, EI, I hope both of you are doing better today. The supplements suggested do help. Often times, stress reduction helps too. 

I wish the best for both of you and look forward to updates when you two decide to run 5ks


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> I realised I had a severe high blood pressure issue when my then doctor took a reading and shouted out: "Oh, *sh*t*!"
> 
> "High, is it?" I said.
> 
> She had gone pale and replied: "You could say that!":rofl:


And at that point your BP doubled... 

My doctor proved the "white coat effect" to me. He took my BP at the start of our session. We talked and dealt with other issues. Then just before I left he took my BP again. It was 10-15 points lower all around.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> And at that point your BP doubled...
> 
> My doctor proved the "white coat effect" to me. He took my BP at the start of our session. We talked and dealt with other issues. Then just before I left he took my BP again. It was 10-15 points lower all around.


In fact, she saved my life. My blood pressure was way, way into going to have a stroke territory.

It was something my previous doctor had failed to identify after he had changed my Blood pressure medication.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

I said this earlier in this thread but now after EI and B1 has posted some more I think I have to say it again below:



> EI
> You and B1 are some of the most encouraging people on TAM. Not just because of your words but because of your actions!


We get to hear from EI from time to time but rarely from B1. Because EI posts more often than B1 we get to get encouraged by her weekly. I am going to post a quote by B1 that I think is very important and worth repeating. He has gone into detail on these issues in the Reconciliation thread but he has summarized some of it here below



> By B1
> I still can't believe I got to such a low point in life that I tossed her aside. I still can't believe she got to such a low point and had an A. I CAN believe, because it's true, that we overcame all that and now we have a love that is stronger than ever. I have said it before, "feeling" is wonderful, and experiencing love with her is a true blessing.


Here is a man that is strong enough to tell us that he failed in some areas pre-A. Not only is he strong enough to admit it he has taken actions to improve on his low points that caused him to “toss her aside”. That takes huge cajones to admit after your wife has committed infidelity.

A far as encouraging, if you cannot get encouraged after reading about EI and B1, and then read B1’a words of , “…because it's true, that we overcame all that and now we have a love that is stronger than ever” then you are an eternal skeptic or your blood pressure reading is about 10/11; in other words you are in a coma.


In Life love gets tested. In B1 and EI’s life there love and faith has been tested severely. I think that they should change their name to Job and Jobette. However, I a super impressed with both EI and B1 because they are still standing with each other after being so tested in the love for each other and their faith in God. First look at what B1 said:



> By B1
> My health, my son's issues, our home, are all major life events. All are serious and all are scary. In saying that I am so glad I have EI here with me. She is my world, my better half so to speak. She is amazing and the love of my life


*That puts a LOT of truth behind the words of I love you! Actions always speak louder than words*



Now let’s look at what EI said



> By EI
> I heard a message that came through, loud and clear, "Be still, and know that I am God." And, because I am rarely, if ever, still, I had to stop folding the laundry, and ask "Was that you, God?" Again, "Be still, and know that I am God." I don't know exactly what He has planned, but now that I've heard from Him, that's exactly what I'm going to do. For now, I am simply going to trust in Him, and be still, knowing that He is God.


Folks, you cannot fake that! When you have been hit in all those areas that EI and B1 has told us about and you say
“For now, I am simply going to trust in Him, and be still, knowing that He is God.”

I do not know about anyone else but that took my breath away! I only had one problem like EI and B1 and I know how truthful her statement is. As hard as it is to be still, God knows I was a Mexican jumping bean for years, when God speaks you know that you cannot be in better hands!

To say that B1 and EI are being tested is an understatement! What an encouragement they are as they are passing threw fire and still standing! I can fully trust a person Like EI and B1!


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

OBAMACARE is lowering blood test levels, like T. 

So fewer people are treated. Saving money at the expense of lives. It's criminal.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Hello EI (and B1)!

I just came back from vacation and read this thread. I am truly sorry to hear of the challenges you both face (and I know this is nothing to do with infidelity).

Let me start by saying that you both are truly unique people (in the good way)! I don't know of many other couples who could survive what you have both been through and I look at the both of you as role models in how to cope with everyday real life. At first I was sceptical about the reconciliation but grew to understand just how strong and loving you both are. That in itself is a major step toward you both making it (whatever "making it" may mean to you).

To me making it (and you have made it) includes loving each other more than you ever did before, having a respectful and loving family (which you do and that your sons are a major credit to you both) and having each other to lean on. Finances and property are necessary in this day and age but in the end they are just "things" and I believe that the respect you now have for each other will see you through should you lose some of these material things. I truly believe that you are one of those rare couples who could truly live together and be happy in a box if you had to (not that I am suggesting it will come to that). So take strength and encouragement from that.

Health on the other hand is something that you can do something about and should - we get dealt the hands we are given by a supreme being and we do the best we can with it. Any one of us could "go" at any time but it is important to live a life of loving and mutual respect which you are doing so whatever happens you will always have that strength to fall back on and hold your heads high. In the meantime, B1 you are like me - I forget to take my pressure and cholesterol tablets often (and for similar reasons to you  ) - I keep forgetting where I put them last. Also, food is great but you gotta watch the weight. It is incredible what dropping a few pounds can achieve. Not that I am anyone's role model.

And your son and both of you are in my thoughts and prayers so know that there are others here rooting for you.

Please take the time to take care of yourselves and draw from the strength you already possess (which as I said before, is rare and unique).

Peace, love, good health and happiness to you both!


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

EI, just saw your thread. Glad to read that B1 is feeling better. Praying for you both.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

B1/EI

My best to you both. With proper care, life choices, faith and a positive attitude things will work out. You've come too far.

B1, I am sure you are great-full to to have EI at your side in this difficult time. I myself, am in a time of personal crisis. Although it impacts us both, it's me who carries the bulk of the emotional burden. But I take great comfort in the fact that I am not facing it without her by my side. Had we not recovered from a badly broken marriage, her affair and my complete melt down after D-Day I know I would be in a far worse place to deal with this. She has stepped up to provide me with the support I need and understands my coping methods enough to give me space to think things through. She understands my distractions when I don't keep her up to date as I should. But she is there for me and I know it. I hope you know that you have that support with EI also. 

Couples that survive an infidelity, whether physical, emotional or both, are part of a pretty exclusive club. Both spouses have over the period of the recovery stripped themselves down to their bare essence. Both have faced their demons and have either beaten them or accepted them for what they are and moved on. The pain makes us stronger. The anxiety draws us closer. And when its all said and done, there is a mutual respect for each other and a pride in what you've accomplished together. And with that knowledge staring into new adversities isn't quite as daunting. The reason is that we know we are walking that path with someone who has proven their worth, their heart and their strength. Good luck and blessings to you both.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> B1/EI
> 
> 
> Couples that survive an infidelity, whether physical, emotional or both, are part of a pretty exclusive club. Both spouses have over the period of the recovery stripped themselves down to their bare essence. Both have faced their demons and have either beaten them or accepted them for what they are and moved on. The pain makes us stronger. The anxiety draws us closer. And when its all said and done, there is a mutual respect for each other and a pride in what you've accomplished together. And with that knowledge staring into new adversities isn't quite as daunting. The reason is that we know we are walking that path with someone who has proven their worth, their heart and their strength. Good luck and blessings to you both.


Amen! And, thank you, Amp. I couldn't agree with you more. I would never recommend infidelity to anyone as of means of strengthening their relationship, because if there even was anything positive remaining in the pre-A marriage, the infidelity surely destroyed it. But, for those, who have, _together, chosen_ to forge a new marriage, they must begin as two emotionally stripped bare individuals, devoid of anything but their own humility. From there, with mercy, and compassion, from both partners, a new relationship can begin to bloom. When it truly "takes," the resulting bond is like no other. Yes, some scars will always remain. But, with those scars, come an appreciation and respect, for the incredible beauty of the union, that might otherwise never have been borne. (Our old buddy Dig, would have laughed at that and called it _EI's psycho-babble!_) 

B1 and I will be praying for you and Mrs. Amp as you are, once again, facing another difficult time in your life. I know from personal experience that B1 and I, together, are not just twice as strong as we are when we're apart. Together, we are exponentially stronger.

B1 and I continue to read everyone's comments and pm's and we are most definitely feeling your prayers and well wishes. I haven't had an opportunity to respond to all of your pm's, but I promise I will. We thank you all, so very much.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

It's been quiet for a few days. Just letting you know that I still keep you both in my prayers and hope all is well with you two.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

Thanks Larry, and everyone else who has been leaving comments and pm's. The truth is, B1's blood pressure has not significantly dropped. We're functioning, he's working, but he doesn't feel as well as he should. He really hasn't felt great since before the holidays. He has better moments, at times, but then he has not so great moments, too. He goes back to his primary care physician on February 10th, and back to the cardiologist on February 24th. I wish he were seeing his cardiologist sooner, but it is what it is. 

Between B1, our youngest son, and myself, we have made 4 emergency room trips since the end of October. The amount of off of the wall medical stuff that our family has been through, in the last several years, is mind boggling. But, the last few months, all by itself, has been ridiculous. B1 has great health insurance, thank God, but you know it's gonna be a bad year when you have already met your annual family deductible before the end of January. 

I was just scanning through all of our EOB's online on Friday. We currently have over $65,000 in pending claims with our health insurance company. That's a little overwhelming. Add that to my appointment with our CPA next week to file taxes, and I'm feeling kind of nauseous. Just a few months ago, after having worked worked our a$$es off for the last few years, we were completely debt free, other than our house. We've been trying to get into the best possible financial position that we could, so that going into this move, it wouldn't be like completely starting over. But, I think that's completely shot now.

I never shared on TAM about B1 and I going to Walmart, five days before X-Mas, to pick up last minute stocking stuffers. As usual, I was rushing around trying to get too much done, in too little time. B1 is constantly telling me to slow down, and I'm constantly wagging my finger at him, telling him not to tell me what to do.  Occasionally, this has been met with disastrous results.  So, while he leisurely strolls up and down the aisles with the grocery cart, getting groceries like any normal person would, I frantically run ahead, grabbing as much as I can hold, then run it back to the cart, and repeat this process until we're done. I, also, have a bad habit of climbing the shelves at the grocery store, because I'm not exactly tall. Still, I can't always be asking for help, can I? Besides, I don't like to ask for help. 

So, even though I was wearing my boots with 5" heels, making me 5'2", (when I'm wearing them,) that still didn't help me reach the top shelf (of course) where the jalapeños that I simply had to have were sitting. So, with my arms already full of other groceries, and a bottom shelf full of pickle jars, I still stepped up on the bottom shelf so I that could "tip" the 32 oz. jar of jalapeños into my free left hand. I have successfully carried out this very same maneuver dozens of times. But, not that day. I tipped the jar, but I didn't catch it with my left hand. I caught it with my right eye. Heads bleed a lot. There was blood, and jalapeños, everywhere. I started walking around trying to find B1. Finally, I called his cell phone, "Honey, everything is okay, but I need you to meet me at the end of aisle 14...... _*QUICK!"*_  

He immediately knew that I had wreaked some kind of havoc, somewhere. I had not one, but two, gashes around my eye. One just below my eyebrow, and the other right outside of the corner of my eye. Since it was, obviously, going to be visible on my face, and no plastic surgeon was available, they closed both of the gashes with glue, rather than stitching them. I had a black eye, with two big gashes on it, and a bruised puffy cheek for Christmas. 

And, believe it or not, that isn't even like a "bad day" at our house.  Aren't ya glad you asked? 

Seriously, though, thank you for asking, it does help to know that people care.

P.S. Q tip, B1 ordered and has already started taking that supplement you recommended.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

What dietary changes has he made?


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

jld said:


> What dietary changes has he made?


Less pizza, burgers, and chips, and more baked fish, and skinless, boneless chicken breasts, with pretzels replacing potato chips. He is also snacking on carrots in the evening, instead of cookies and doughnuts. It's baby steps, I know, but he has already lost a few pounds. The thing about exercise is that he is getting winded so easily that I am genuinely concerned that he should not overexert himself until after he gets the okay from at least one of his doctors.


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

EI,
A lot goes on in life outside of TAM, I know the feeling of living from crisis to crisis, or should I say from faith to faith, ha ha.

"For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, "BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH."

You are both in my thoughts and prayers (your son and family as well).

Take care!


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

I want to add JIC, though I am sure you are on it, but if you self-insure or have out of pocket costs, you can often negotiate costs with health care providers. Not looking for more info just FYI.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Big changes yield big results.

https://www.drmcdougall.com/health/education/health-science/stars/stars-written/robert-cross/


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My wife certainly can empathize with the top shelf and its challenges. She's 5'1". Our oldest only made it to 5'3". Little sis towers over her though. She's only 14 but is 5'10".


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Here is to all you lovely short ladies! Mrs. Conan is a whopping 5 even. You are all in good company! God bless!&#55357;&#56842;
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

EI, I'm sure you already know this but high blood pressure is a side effect of testosterone cypionate.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I have got to say that I battled high blood pressure for many years and my doctor even kept raising the strength of the pills. And then I seriously changed my diet - no sugar whatsoever, very little fat, seriously reduced carbs in general and dairy and bread in particular. The pressure plummeted and it is now almost as if I never had a problem. I still need to watch the weight and I do not diet as much as I should but the pressure has really gone down a lot - so there is a light at the end of the tunnel for B1 if he watches the diet. Remember carbs are the enemy alongside fats.

You all are in my thoughts and prayers as I really do know what its like - my wife, myself and two of my kids battling separate problems for a little while.

Take care of yourselves.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Oy vey. Thinking of you both.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

ConanHub said:


> Here is to all you lovely short ladies! Mrs. Conan is a whopping 5 even. You are all in good company! God bless!��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep 5'3" here 


E1 .... SO sorry about your injury.... OWIE!!!!


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## drifting on (Nov 22, 2013)

EI said:


> Less pizza, burgers, and chips, and more baked fish, and skinless, boneless chicken breasts, with pretzels replacing potato chips. He is also snacking on carrots in the evening, instead of cookies and doughnuts. It's baby steps, I know, but he has already lost a few pounds. The thing about exercise is that he is getting winded so easily that I am genuinely concerned that he should not overexert himself until after he gets the okay from at least one of his doctors.



E1

Totally meant as humor but if I cut that food from my life my body would go into convulsions. That's all I eat!!! I had chest pain in September, drove my typical hour long ride to work, and was brought to the hospital. Blood pressure on my arrival was 228/139. Doctor said I was having a heart attack. I was taken for a CVA which scans your arteries with dye. All my arteries are clear. Came to find out I tore a muscle in my chest the week before wrestling a guy. For some reason it flared up that morning and I felt like I couldn't breathe. It actually scared me straight, my diet has changed now, funny how lack of air can do that to you! Tell B1 I'll have some carrots tonight in his honor. Prayers and best wishes to you and your family.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Laughing in the midst of adversity is good, EI, and I loved your story about climbing the supermarket shelves.

I'm one of the short women brigade, as well, just barely hitting 5' 2". My mother liked to claim that she was 4' 11", but we all knew that she was 4' 10" tall. She was an amazing pistol of a woman - a visiting nurse in her official county uniform, driving her '66 Mustang with the V8 engine that had to have wooden blocks put on the accelerator and brake pedals so that her feet would reach when she drove.

It's a whole different world when you're looking at it from the short women perspective . And it's women like you who can get through what you're facing now. The BP problem is so hard, I know & my thoughts are with all of you as you face all of this.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

EI said:


> Less pizza, burgers, and chips, and more baked fish, and skinless, boneless chicken breasts, with pretzels replacing potato chips. He is also snacking on carrots in the evening, instead of cookies and doughnuts. It's baby steps, I know, but he has already lost a few pounds. The thing about exercise is that he is getting winded so easily that I am genuinely concerned that he should not overexert himself until after he gets the okay from at least one of his doctors.


See that he follows your advice on this.

There are a huge number of "blood pressure" medications. I have no doubt that his cardiologist will find something that works. They may also put him on a diuretic, which can help.

And do a little internet research on high blood pressure. Pay particular attention to the numbers (don't post them here, they are nobody's business but B1's and yours.) There are good sites like the Mayo Clinic and sites run by other well-known hospitals. The information may help you relax about things.

One last thing. And that is trying to keep yourself calm. That type A behavior of rushing everywhere and doing everything is not good for YOUR health. And your family depends on you. Prioritize and do only what is urgent or major. Other stuff can wait a bit.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Here is to all you lovely short ladies! Mrs. Conan is a whopping 5 even. You are all in good company! God bless!��
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ha! My wife is a giant. All of 5' 2"...


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

You all are the best and I love each and every one of you. Thank you guys so much for your combination of practical advice, suggestions, and even your sense of humor. Honestly, if I couldn't inject a little sarcastic humor into my life, at times, I'd probably implode. 

Most of your suggestions are things that B1 has already been doing. He has been on blood pressure medication, with a diuretic, for close to 17 years. He sees his PCP once every three months to get his BP checked and to get labs drawn. Up until the holidays, his BP had been under control, ever since he went on the medication.

bfree, are you trying to make me feel guilty about B1 taking Testosterone?  He's been on Testosterone Cypionate for over 3 years, now, and up to this point, it had not had any measurable effect on his BP, so his doctor didn't think that it was likely to have been a factor. But, if it doesn't start coming down soon, all of his medication will have to be reconsidered, even the T. :cussing: I kid, his health is far more important than anything else, even our unbelievably amazing......... nevermind, TMI! Of course, menopause is on the horizon, too, so whatever happens, happens. 

B1 and I have been through so much, and we've come so far from where we were pre-A, A, and for the first year or so after. Our relationship is so different, now. I don't really know whether we're typical or not. I just know that we are so incredibly close. We have a closeness that surpasses anything we've ever experienced, even during the happiest times, much earlier in our marriage. Our communication is just so incredibly honest. There are lots of ways to rug sweep in a relationship. Rug sweeping doesn't just apply to reconciliations. It happens anytime two people either fail to communicate, or simply don't communicate well. We used to have the same old arguments over and over, again. They were circular, nothing was ever resolved, and the resentments just kept building. That went on for years. We don't do that now. We hash things out. We have to have difficult conversations, sometimes. But, we don't avoid them, we face them, together. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we have to compromise, and sometimes we disagree. But, we very rarely get angry with one another. We have both hurt each other so much, in the past, that we have no desire to bring one more moment of pain to the other. I have never felt the sense of "one flesh" the way I do now. We are simply one, together

B1 doesn't log onto TAM, anymore. Last week, I had to insist that he read this thread. So, tonight I will commandeer his iPad and make sure that he reads through all of your lovely comments.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

EI said:


> You all are the best and I love each and every one of you. Thank you guys so much for your combination of practical advice, suggestions, and even your sense of humor. Honestly, if I couldn't inject a little sarcastic humor into my life, at times, I'd probably implode.
> 
> Most of your suggestions are things that B1 has already been doing. He has been on blood pressure medication, with a diuretic, for close to 17 years. He sees his PCP once every three months to get his BP checked and to get labs drawn. Up until the holidays, his BP had been under control, ever since he went on the medication.
> 
> ...


I'm sure his doctors are top notch and are looking at everything. I just know that in a man testosterone replacement therapy can be a tad unpredictable. I was taking testosterone cypionate for about 2 years at the same dosage with no issues. Then during one of my checkups the blood work came back abnormal. It seems that I developed polycythemia which is a thickening of the blood caused by too many red blood cells. We all knew it was a potential side effect of the T replacement but the doctor was surprised it happened after two years. Now I have to have have some of my blood siphoned off once a month or so. It's not a huge deal but it just shows that you never know.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

EI said:


> I just know that we are so incredibly close. We have a closeness that surpasses anything we've ever experienced, even during the happiest times, much earlier in our marriage. Our communication is just so incredibly honest. There are lots of ways to rug sweep in a relationship. Rug sweeping doesn't just apply to reconciliations. It happens anytime two people either fail to communicate, or simply don't communicate well. We used to have the same old arguments over and over, again. They were circular, nothing was ever resolved, and the resentments just kept building. That went on for years. We don't do that now. We hash things out. We have to have difficult conversations, sometimes. But, we don't avoid them, we face them, together. Sometimes we agree, sometimes we have to compromise, and sometimes we disagree. But, we very rarely get angry with one another. We have both hurt each other so much, in the past, that we have no desire to bring one more moment of pain to the other. I have never felt the sense of "one flesh" the way I do now. We are simply one, together



YES!!! Great explanation... I think those of us who have been in successful reconciliations are ON this path. I try to describe it in different ways to different couples here and THIS is a great compilation of those thoughts. My H and I too feel closer than ever, desire to create no more pain, and actively work to keep resentment decks clear. You are so right that rugsweeping is found in the minutia of day to day living.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Apple cider vinegar and cinnamon lower BP. Worked for my preacher. My Beloved is 5'04" and I'm 6'05" and she always says she wishes she were tall...I tell her you always hit your head on stuff!!!! She tackles the low stuff and I hit it high...we're a perfect team. Exact opposites as my strength are her weaknesses and vice versa...but we finish each others thoughts and sentences.....SCARY. ...


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

EI,

You and B1 have done so much for others posting here. Many of us will be rooting for you to overcome the challenges you face.

I have two young relatives facing major health problems: the daughter of a first cousin has cystic fibrosis and is in line for a lung transplant. Actually, I have never met her in person just on FB. Sadly she has disappeared from there, where I used to read her posts.

The daughter of another first cousin has trouble with her kidneys and I think she is also looking for a transplant. She is in her 20s. Y
Besides being young, intelligent and beautiful, she is cheerful and charming. You cannot see anything wrong. I only meet her once every few years in person. On Facebook she posts about all sorts of adventures. She always skydiving or doing something exciting.

Parents suffer when there children face challenges. Have courage.


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## 1812overture (Nov 25, 2013)

EI, 

It's been a long time since I logged in. I'm sorry to see that (6 weeks ago) you and B1 had some challenges. You seems to have a bunch of suggestions and supportive comments. Please add me to those sending you good thoughts.

You certainly don't know much about me, but, to me, your message has consistently been "if my marriage can be saved, any marriage can be saved." I'm not coping with infidelity (though I have friends and relatives who are), but I have troubles in my marriage. Your consistent message -- and I know B1 agrees with it in his way -- has been helpful to me. In fact, I'm not even going to read your original thread, even though it's been revived. I can guess enough at the details, and they don't matter, to me.
Wishing you peace.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Eventually Verapamil Hydrochloride, Ramapril and Doxazosin (2mg am, 1mg pm) + a diuretic pulled my BP down to normal levels.

Walking 10 to 12 miles a day also helps.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

B1, get away from the kryptonite and you will feel much better.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

B1 lives with a woman who looks like EI does and wonders why his blood pressure is so high?

Hmmm. My wife is a babe, too. Ah! Now I know why my blood pressure is high!:smthumbup:


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

bfree said:


> I'm sure his doctors are top notch and are looking at everything. I just know that in a man testosterone replacement therapy can be a tad unpredictable. I was taking testosterone cypionate for about 2 years at the same dosage with no issues. Then during one of my checkups the blood work came back abnormal. It seems that I developed polycythemia which is a thickening of the blood caused by too many red blood cells. We all knew it was a potential side effect of the T replacement but the doctor was surprised it happened after two years. Now I have to have have some of my blood siphoned off once a month or so. It's not a huge deal but it just shows that you never know.


I too am on testosterone therapy. I recently developed an irregular heart beat and went on a blood thinner in addition to everything else.

But guess what? My red blood cell count went up which increases the chance of clot formation. So my testosterone was cut in half and we are watching it closely. But I can't complain. I've already exceeded my allotted three score and ten.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

sidney2718 said:


> I too am on testosterone therapy. I recently developed an irregular heart beat and went on a blood thinner in addition to everything else.
> 
> But guess what? My red blood cell count went up which increases the chance of clot formation. So my testosterone was cut in half and we are watching it closely. But I can't complain. *I've already exceeded my allotted three score and ten.*



Loved that bit!

Congrats!


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

In my thoughts and prayers 
DG


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

I read every single post from you and I can only wish you the best.
You need each other now,more then ever.
I wish I could meet you someday,but EU is so far away.
Belive me I found some strenght reading your posts.

Best wishes for you guys and STAY STRONG.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

EI,

During prayers last night with Mrs bfree when I was reading through our prayer list I suddenly got a feeling deep down that I needed to post here and ask how things are going for you and B1. So EI, B1, how are things?


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

bfree said:


> EI,
> 
> During prayers last night with Mrs bfree when I was reading through our prayer list I suddenly got a feeling deep down that I needed to post here and ask how things are going for you and B1. So EI, B1, how are things?


Thank you for the concern and prayers bfree. EI and I are doing very well. We are in a good place as far as each other goes. The past is the past, EI has far more trouble with it than I do. She hates what happened, she hates what it did, and who she became. I wish, more than anything, that she would let it go because I have. I can still trigger on the rare occasion, a t.v. show or movie does have the ability to hurt me. It's rare that it does though but overall I am very happy and our R as far as I am concerned is complete. I'm not sure how that's suppose to work, or if it's ever really over, to me though, it is complete. I do not consider myself reconciling. I consider myself happily married.

We have been married for almost 31 years now and the A was just a small part of our marriage, a blip on the radar, yes at the time it was a nuclear bomb, it's just a blip now, something bad that happened. It's there along with other bad things in my life that no longer have a hold on me. I focus on moving forward and I don't look back at all anymore.

Also, my blood pressure is pretty much under control, finally. It hovers around the 138/80 area. Now my weight...


Now, on the downside, we're still having trouble with our son and our house is being foreclosed on and sold next month. I know that sounds bad, and it is, but we've already found a great place with a lease to own option, and to be honest, if our son would get his life together it wouldn't matter that much. The battle with our son and his addiction is killing us more than anything. He has such potential, he is so smart, we think he's clean right now, but we're not sure. He still shows outward signs of using, though nothing can be proven. So, please, prayers are needed, well wishes too. We have a fight on our hands and it has nothing to do with the A. It's our son, and it's going to be a rough, long battle, I already know it.

Losing our home is hard, the move scares me, but we can deal with that. It will come and go. Our son's addiction though, it's not so cut and dry. We're in the dark, we're fighting something we can't see or plan for. It's a day by day thing and he doesn't like talking about it. He just says that he's not on drugs. We have tested him at least a dozen times and his employer did too, all were clean. Yes, when we did it I watched him pee in the cup, and he had no idea it was coming. But, he still isn't paying his bills, and he isn't saving any of his money. So, what are we supposed to think? Confrontation leads to arguing. There is no having a rational conversation with him.

We can't find a single piece of tangible evidence of him using drugs, but something just isn't right. So, how far do we go, how hard do we push, how much do we demand of him? He's 22, he should be preparing to be on his own or in school. He's doing neither. If we kick him out, he will be homeless and sleeping and living in his car, and would possibly loose his great job, which is the best thing he has going for him. We just don't know what to do most times. We're held hostage by our love.

Anyway, that's about it. Prayers are welcome, we need strength, guidance and wisdom.

I prefer to stay away from TAM, I don't want to mess with a good thing you know, and staying away has been good. But EI told me you asked and I had to pop in and post. EI is drained, mentally wiped out most days trying to run this household. She still has so much to do for these kids even though they're not really kids anymore. She's constantly dealing with insurance companies, our house issues, and handling all of our special needs son's medical and financial affairs. He doesn't live here anymore, but my oh my does he keep her busy. She also babysits our grandson two days a week. But that's something that makes her happy. 

If all of that isn't enough, we also got hit hard by the IRS. We lost the last 3 of our kids as dependents this year. EI just put the check in the mail today for 3k. They may not be dependents but they still cost us a lot of money. 

bfree, you take care and God bless. I thank every one of you for your prayers, well wishes, and concern. EI and I are good, I just wish we could say the same for our son.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You are all in my prayers.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hang in there big guy! Our oldest son was an addict and we eventually had to cut him loose. He is doing good now and involved in ministry. It was some of the hardest years of our lives. I will continue to pray for your family and especially your son.

God bless.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Things will get better. Just hang in there.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> You are all in my prayers.


Same from my end. I wish you peace and good fortune.

WD


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> *Originally Posted by bfree *
> EI,
> 
> During prayers last night with Mrs bfree when I was reading through our prayer list I suddenly got a feeling deep down that I needed to post here and ask how things are going for you and B1. So EI, B1, how are things?
> ...






> By B1
> I do not consider myself reconciling. I consider myself happily married.
> I focus on moving forward and I don't look back at all anymore.


*What a remarkable sate of being you have B1! I would think that many BS would love to be like you!!*



> By B1
> *We have tested him at least a dozen times and his employer did too, all were clean*. Yes, when we did it I watched him pee in the cup, and he had no idea it was coming. But, he still isn't paying his bills, and he isn't saving any of his money. So, what are we supposed to think? Confrontation leads to arguing. There is no having a rational conversation with him.
> 
> *We can't find a single piece of tangible evidence of him using drugs,* but something just isn't right. So, how far do we go, how hard do we push, how much do we demand of him? He's 22, he should be preparing to be on his own or in school. He's doing neither


B1, as you know I was in your shoes with my drug using son for more than 10 years. I know that it can put a strain on you as I had to take heart medications due to the stress. 



> how far do we go, how hard do we push, how much do we demand of him?


No matter what you decide you are limited with him in terms of you getting him to be mature and being what you want him to be. He is 22 and has a free will and you can only demand respect from him for you, EI, and the rest of the family. My son came home years ago and cussed his mother out and when I found out I had the police come and take him to jail. He was high and the police used that to take him in. It hurt like hell for us to do that especially since the policemen manhandled him very violently. So in my case all I could do was to show him tough love and tender love when I could. Of course back then we prayed for him and tried a hundred different things but nothing was the magic bullet that immediately changed him for the better.

You do have some concrete evidence that your son is not using constantly so that is a least some consolation for you. He may even be 100% clean.



> he still isn't paying his bills, and he isn't saving any of his money
> He's 22, he should be preparing to be on his own or in school. He's doing neither


After many years of my son living in the streets in the gang and drug areas he came home in 2008. He has been with us and CLEAN for SEVEN YEARS! Also let me tell you even today that he has trouble paying his bills and does not save any money and is not preparing to be on his own or in school. He is a part time worker, sweet, respectable, caring man that is a blessing to us despite that he has those short comings just like your son. I have learned to accept that and be very grateful that my son is good in some of the areas that we value the most. Sure I would love for him to improve on those areas that he and your son are failing at. However, I no longer worry too much about that and do not pressure him or remind him of his failings failing. Of course if there is something that I know I can do to help him with his short coming I will jump at that chance. I just do not know that I can do a whole lot with a free –willed adult man. What we do is enjoy the closeness and warmth that we have with him.

Am I some great father? NO, I was so worn to the bone and I could not go anymore and just told God that my only hope for my son was in Him as I had done all that I could do. That is a very tall order B1; we had to suffer with doubt and anxiety but we held on to our tiny mustard seed of faith and at age 27 my son finally made a 180 turn around in his drug world and attitude. I wished that I had a formula for your son but in my case I just did everything that I knew, held on to my faith, and let the years go by and now we are closer to my son than we ever have been. I thank God as He gets the credit! I am also very grateful to a lot of people in my community for their concern and help. I am talking about attorneys, drug enforcement agency, policemen, Director of rehab center, judges, pastor, church, and family to name a few. They all gave it100% but my son did not change until I gave up (let go and let God) and then God showed me what He could do! Those many years seemed like an eternity but now I am just grateful.

That is a bit of my story with my hard drug using son. I am not telling you what to do but am relaying my story in hopes that you can get some relief. I know the deep pain of having a son that is using hard drugs for years. For me it was more painful than the affair my WW had.

I have prayed for your son and will again tonight.

Take care B1 and EI
Su amigo
Senor Blunt


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Very thoughtful Blunt. Also, very similar to me and Mrs. Conan. Addicts stop maturing when they start using. Even when they stop using, they are often still immature emotionally and mentally.

They have trouble coping with pretty basic grownup stuff.

I eventually just pushed him out of our nest. No, he did not fly but that is not our responsibility.

We love him but our marriage, which was being seriously harmed, was our primary priority.

One of the hardest but most necessary acts a parent need accomplish is to simply allow their children to experience the consequences of their own decisions.

It is very hard to let go.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

B1 said:


> Thank you for the concern and prayers bfree. EI and I are doing very well. We are in a good place as far as each other goes. The past is the past, EI has far more trouble with it than I do. She hates what happened, she hates what it did, and who she became. I wish, more than anything, that she would let it go because I have. I can still trigger on the rare occasion, a t.v. show or movie does have the ability to hurt me. It's rare that it does though but overall I am very happy and our R as far as I am concerned is complete. I'm not sure how that's suppose to work, or if it's ever really over, to me though, it is complete. I do not consider myself reconciling. I consider myself happily married.
> 
> We have been married for almost 31 years now and the A was just a small part of our marriage, a blip on the radar, yes at the time it was a nuclear bomb, it's just a blip now, something bad that happened. It's there along with other bad things in my life that no longer have a hold on me. I focus on moving forward and I don't look back at all anymore.
> 
> ...


B1,

I am glad to hear that your health has stabilized. And I am equally sad to hear that your son's struggles are continuing. I know that you and EI have been through so much and I feel strongly that your devotion to each other will continue to strengthen you. I know when I traveled through the darkness it served to purify me in a way and I sense that your struggles have done the same and I pray that will be the case with your son. When I was trying to kick the drugs I also got aggravated with people who would not accept that I was clean. But guess what, that was when I wasn't sure, when I had doubts myself. Once I KNEW I was clean FOREVER people who doubted me were not an issue because I accepted that my weaknesses and poor choices put those doubts in their minds. I accepted the fact that their doubts were my responsibility and I worked to regain their trust. It didn't always work because some people will always doubt me. And that's okay because that that is my responsibility as well. When your son KNOWS he is clean, when he KNOWS he will NEVER go back there, when he KNOWS that chapter in his life is closed for good, you will know it too. In the meantime love him responsibly. We both know what that means.

EI, you and B1 have worked so hard to atone for your poor decisions. You have done everything that could possibly be done. EI, it is time for you to forgive yourself for the past. It is time for that chapter of your life to close. It is time to rest. You are a good woman. You are a fantastic wife and mother. B1's words convey that message. I know he is a strong gentle man but most of all I know he is no dummy. If he says you are wondeful DAMNIT you are wonderful. Accept it!

B1, I'm going to send you a quick PM. I don't normally send PM's so if you don't receive it please let me know because I probably screwed up somehow.

God bless all of you each and every day.


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

I dont want to be rude or something,but here in EU if you are 22 you are old enough to take care of yourself. You need to tell that to your son,life is to short.If he is half the man like his dad he will be OK .
B1 and E1 you need to live your lives,to make some of the "lost" time.Try to make each other happy.

Best wishes for you guys and sorry for my English,it is not my native language.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

As I mentioned earlier in this thread, our house was scheduled to be sold at foreclosure on May 19th. On Saturday morning, a realtor that we have never seen or heard of before, but who apparently lives in our neighborhood, rang our doorbell. We were not attempting to sell our house, nor did we have a for sale sign in our yard. Unbeknownst to us, he has a client who has been eyeing our house for quite some time. He's been wanting to move his parents, and possibly some of his extended family, into his home, and he wanted to move into our neighborhood, and more specifically, into our house. Rich and I had never seriously considered trying to sell the house, because we're so underwater on it, and it needs a lot of work, at this point, and we could have never recouped our investment financially. After less than a half dozen phone calls to the mortgage company, and the realtor, our house was inspected and appraised Wednesday afternoon, the realtor, his client, and his family, looked at it Wednesday evening, and on Thursday the realtor brought us the paperwork to sign where his client had offered exactly what the mortgage company was willing to accept, which is still $50k less than it appraises for, so the new owner will have the funds to get the needed work done, himself. The buyer is already pre-approved for the loan. The realtor put a sold sign in our yard last night. This all happened with absolutely no effort on our part, and it happened so fast that I literally did not even have the time to worry or obsess over trying to make the house presentable.

I think about all of the things that I've worried about over the years, and how I allowed them to drag me down, and suck the joy out of my life, (like who would care for our special needs son in the future, when we're gone, or how we would manage to get out of our house, while remaining financially stable, or how we'd raise 5 kids, including a special needs child, or how we'd get through taking care of my Mom and Dad, or if our marriage would even survive it all) and I realize, now, that all the worrying never accomplished one positive thing. About three months ago, right after B1 got out of the hospital, for the second time in less than a month, I was doing laundry, and worrying, as usual, and for the first time, in a long time, I heard that still small voice, and it was saying, "Be still, and know that I am God." It had been so long since I was still enough, and quiet enough, to actually hear God speak to me. But, He wasn't giving me any specific answers or telling me what I needed to do, and God is supposed to know that I need to be busy, at all times, fixing things.... LOL. Besides, I wasn't completely sure that God and I were still on speaking terms, anymore. So, I said "Is that you, God?" Again, I heard, "Be still, and know that I am God." You see, all that time I spent worrying about the house, or anything else, was just wasted energy. I just needed to have faith, that when God spoke to me in 1989 and said, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me," that He would see us all of the way through this. That's what God put on my heart, when I was pregnant with our oldest biological son, and my Mom asked Rich and me to commit to raising my, then, niece and nephew, (who has multiple handicaps) who have since become our adopted daughter and son. B1 and I did commit to that. And, I believe that, to the best of our ability, we have followed it through. 

So, back to our house, now. A short sale will be much much less damaging to our credit report than a foreclosure, and the mortgage company will give us $5k in relocation expenses at the closing. We are moving into a 3 level, 5 bdrm, 3 bathroom condo, with all wood floors, a fireplace, stainless steel appliances, 2 garages, and (yay for B1) no yard work. So, it's not exactly like we're going to be homeless. We're renting for one year, but we do have the option to lease to own! 

Now, all of this could fall through, but I am choosing to trust in Him. God is good! 

I'll confess that I've been feeling a bit like a victim for a long time. I kept thinking that God must not love us or that He wouldn't allow things to be so hard for our family all of the time. I know, He doesn't do that, unless, of course, He's working in us, or through us. Or, unless we've made things hard on ourselves, and we just want to blame anyone other than ourselves. But, then, I see others, who have had much heavier crosses to bear than my own, and they still praise Him, still thank Him, still have faith in Him. So, I'm learning to simply be grateful for what we have, and not for what we have not. When I started genuinely changing my focus, I realized just how blessed we are and have been all along. And, though I will never say that B1 and I have had it easy, because we haven't, I wouldn't change the choices we've made to take on so much, because it's brought us to where we are today. We really do have an embarrassment of riches in just our family, alone. 

We're still having issues with our 22 y/o son. So, B1 and I are getting counseling that is geared specifically towards loving/living with/coping with someone with addiction. We have learned that he is actually not using drugs, as he has repeatedly insisted, and has not since he spent 3 days in detox last summer. Multiple, monitored drug tests, and a polygraph test have confirmed this, yet his behavior remains very much that of an addict. Just, yesterday, his psychiatrist told me, in his presence, that he is the equivalent of a dry alcoholic, except that he is a dry addict. There is more to addiction recovery than simply not using drugs. Just like there is more to infidelity recovery than simply not cheating. I will admit that the parallels are staggering. I cannot tell you how much of what I've learned on TAM, has helped me to cope with this situation. We're doing the best that we can with this and are taking things one day at a time. Please continue to pray for our family, and for our son, in particular. 

On a different/bittersweet/exciting note, some of you may remember that I went skydiving last April, with B1's sister's, then, boyfriend, now husband. He was in remission with stomach cancer. Sadly, we've learned, just last month, that his cancer has returned, metastasized, is now stage 4, and terminal. He has been told by his oncologist that he has less than a year to live. So, there's only one reasonable thing to do, right? Next month, we're going skydiving, again, and we're taking friends with us; enough to fill up two planes, so far. My 3 sons, my daughter-in-law, B-I-L, two of his brothers, and a few of his friends will all be skydiving. B1 will be there, too, just like last year, on the ground, taking pictures. I'll be doing something that I love, and B1 will be doing something that he loves (he's a pretty good photographer...... no, I'm gonna brag, he's one of the best photographers on the planet.)  Can you imagine how cool it will be for B1 to photograph his wife and children, all skydiving? And, as for our B-I-L, he is one of the most brave, compassionate, and generous human beings we've ever known. It is our honor and privilege to participate in one of the many adventures that he has on his bucket list. 

All in all, through it all, despite it all, or because of it all........ Life is good, and God is good! Thanks for caring about us! 

xoxoxo 
EI & B1


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me,"
> 
> "Be still, and know that I am God."
> 
> Now, all of this could fall through, but I am choosing to trust in Him. God is good!


EI, you are and encourager of the faith!
Your words above reminded me of the scriptures below:

Matthew 6:25-27
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

Hebrews 11:6
6 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

A doctor got me hooked on codeine and it took me many years and several failed attempts to get clean with the help of my wife. 

I will continue to pray for you all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jim123 (Sep 29, 2012)

EI said:


> As I mentioned earlier in this thread, our house was scheduled to be sold at foreclosure on May 19th. On Saturday morning, a realtor that we have never seen or heard of before, but who apparently lives in our neighborhood, rang our doorbell. We were not attempting to sell our house, nor did we have a for sale sign in our yard. Unbeknownst to us, he has a client who has been eyeing our house for quite some time. He's been wanting to move his parents, and possibly some of his extended family, into his home, and he wanted to move into our neighborhood, and more specifically, into our house. Rich and I had never seriously considered trying to sell the house, because we're so underwater on it, and it needs a lot of work, at this point, and we could have never recouped our investment financially. After less than a half dozen phone calls to the mortgage company, and the realtor, our house was inspected and appraised Wednesday afternoon, the realtor, his client, and his family, looked at it Wednesday evening, and on Thursday the realtor brought us the paperwork to sign where his client had offered exactly what the mortgage company was willing to accept, which is still $50k less than it appraises for, so the new owner will have the funds to get the needed work done, himself. The buyer is already pre-approved for the loan. The realtor put a sold sign in our yard last night. This all happened with absolutely no effort on our part, and it happened so fast that I literally did not even have the time to worry or obsess over trying to make the house presentable.
> 
> I think about all of the things that I've worried about over the years, and how I allowed them to drag me down, and suck the joy out of my life, (like who would care for our special needs son in the future, when we're gone, or how we would manage to get out of our house, while remaining financially stable, or how we'd raise 5 kids, including a special needs child, or how we'd get through taking care of my Mom and Dad, or if our marriage would even survive it all) and I realize, now, that all the worrying never accomplished one positive thing. About three months ago, right after B1 got out of the hospital, for the second time in less than a month, I was doing laundry, and worrying, as usual, and for the first time, in a long time, I heard that still small voice, and it was saying, "Be still, and know that I am God." It had been so long since I was still enough, and quiet enough, to actually hear God speak to me. But, He wasn't giving me any specific answers or telling me what I needed to do, and God is supposed to know that I need to be busy, at all times, fixing things.... LOL. Besides, I wasn't completely sure that God and I were still on speaking terms, anymore. So, I said "Is that you, God?" Again, I heard, "Be still, and know that I am God." You see, all that time I spent worrying about the house, or anything else, was just wasted energy. I just needed to have faith, that when God spoke to me in 1989 and said, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me," that He would see us all of the way through this. That's what God put on my heart, when I was pregnant with our oldest biological son, and my Mom asked Rich and me to commit to raising my, then, niece and nephew, (who has multiple handicaps) who have since become our adopted daughter and son. B1 and I did commit to that. And, I believe that, to the best of our ability, we have followed it through.
> 
> ...


Great to hear from you. Everything will work out as long as have each other.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Great news!


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

EI, it was great to hear from you and your good news was music to my ears. For some reason I always get teary eyed when I read your posts. I'm not sure why other than good or not so good you always write from your heart. I read your post to Mrs. bfree. She just gave me a knowing smile and said God is indeed good. She was the one who told me to follow my heart when I felt the overwhelming urge to reach out in earlier this month. Addiction is very difficult to overcome and it is never simple. But with love and God's grace it is very possible. We will continue to pray for your family each and every day.

God bless.

Matthew 17:20 - And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Too bad they don't let you skydive solo anymore. I did it on my 18th birthday back in the 80s before the FAA started requiring that you have to have a license now or ese you have to have some creep strap to your back now. Bunch of money making BS.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm really glad to hear about your son being clean. That's so huge.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

Just as in real life, one gets good news tempered with a dose of bad news.

I continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts.


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## the2ofus (Jan 28, 2014)

You guys remain in my prayers.


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