# Threw them Away



## timjones (Feb 2, 2011)

We have been married about 20 years there have been good and bad times. I think the root cause of our problems has been about me not meeting her emotional needs because she is not meeting my physical needs because I am not meeting her emotional needs circle. After I found out about my wife's FB EA I found pictures of the XBF & letters that were from forever ago and also current contact information and threw them away. I did not discuss it with her and not really sure if she knows it or not. You can share your opinions on how I should have dealt with that, I did what I felt like doing. When or if this subject comes up how what should I say. I am thinking I just say I needed to have that out of my house and that he is not in anyway welcome here.


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

Use this knowlege to fix what's wrong before her EA becomes a PA or if it's over, it doesn't start again, either with this guy or another one. Get into marriage counselling (preferrably with an Imago Certified therapist) and learn to communicate and create intimacy. If you are able to do this and reconnect on a new level, she'll do the things you want in bed and won't do them with another man! Goodluck.


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## kristinlloyd (Apr 22, 2010)

Another resource would be marriagebuilders.com - Dr. Harley's His Needs, Her Needs might also help. Good luck with reconnecting your relationship!


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## Lazarus (Jan 17, 2011)

timjones said:


> We have been married about 20 years there have been good and bad times. I think the root cause of our problems has been about me not meeting her emotional needs because she is not meeting my physical needs because I am not meeting her emotional needs circle. After I found out about my wife's FB EA I found pictures of the XBF & letters that were from forever ago and also current contact information and threw them away. I did not discuss it with her and not really sure if she knows it or not. You can share your opinions on how I should have dealt with that, I did what I felt like doing. When or if this subject comes up how what should I say. I am thinking I just say I needed to have that out of my house and that he is not in anyway welcome here.


Hello Tim


You need to sit down and have a serious talk. Lay on the line what is at risk. 20 years is a long time and too much to throw away.

This facebook seems to be damaging many families. You are right to want to rid it out of your marriage. 

Quit the blame game. Sit down in a comfortable environment and start finding out what you both want and need to re-connect. It will take time and effort but 20 years is worth re-connecting back to fun times. Enlist professional help if necessary. Cut out the greedy no can do types and focus on what you both need and want. Any long term relationship is worth it. Just need some good help to find a suitable path to re-connect. It may seem difficult, but with around 80% of divorcing couples regretting their decision, you need to be certain you both gave your relationship every fighting chance. It's a cowards way to way to walk away without really trying.

Cut the EA dead before it becomes physical. You did right to rid it out of your house but you need to COMMUNICATE together. It's key. Otherwise you may be called controlling as opposed to engaging behaviour that is conducive to a healthy relationship.


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