# Does anyone else have a super small familiy?



## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I'm 32 and happily married with an 11yo daughter. I have a mother who has a mental handicap, so we don't have much interaction or anything of a relationship. She has two sisters, both of which live across the country and we're not close with. I have one cousin who is also not local and not close. I have an aunt - my father's sister who is just miserable to be around and reclusive. And my brother who is almost 28 and has just decided to stay in France where he moved to get his master's degree. Now he's gotten a job there and is creating his life there. That is the extent of my family. Period. My husband's family is mostly brethern and judgemental and we don't get along with them. 

My brother is the only family member, out of all the extensions, that we do get along with, and now he's gone. This is really really tearing me up. I'm having a horribly terrible time dealing with his decision to stay in France and not come back to the US, but to visit. 

When I was growing up I was surrounded by family, grandparents and great aunts and uncles. They're all dead now, along with my father. We always did every holiday with them. 

Does anyone else out there have such a small family, and how do you take it all in stride? I'm so torn up about my brother not coming back that it's just eating me alive. Last xmas when my husband and daughter went to his family function, I stayed home. It's not enjoyable to be around them. How do people deal in situations like this? How do people cope with everyone around them having such a great mother daughter relationship and seeing all their friends enjoying their family units? I feel so lonely and so codependent on my husband. I am so torn up about my brother. Are there forums or support groups for people with no family? I just feel so alone and sad.


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## bzyshopinbee (Sep 17, 2008)

Wow! I was just talking to my husband about this the other night. I had been crying all day about the fact that none of my family live near me and the ones that do, we don't associate because of past and present issues. My mom lives 2.5 hours away and hardly ever visits. My father lives over an hour away, but he's never been much a father so we only see each other once a year...

Anyway, I know what you mean, it can be very upsetting and lonely at times to see friends and others have these close nit families and wonderful relationships with their parents..and not have anything at all yourself. 

I actually called my mom and started crying about how she never comes and visits and how we should be closer, doing things together...like other mothers and daughters. Its sooo hard, and like you, I depend so much on my husband to not only be my spouse, but my entire family too.

Your not alone!! Have a good weekend!!


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

Are you talking mom/dad and brother/sister, or everyone related to you?


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## bhappy3 (Feb 4, 2008)

I'm talking everyone related to me, or you, or whatever suits the conversation! I'm talking, what do you do for the holidays? As for my family, it's so minute and unenjoyable that it's not even worth it! And as for doing anything with my inlaws... there's no enjoyment in that either. So last year on xmas eve when the inlaws gathered, I sat at home by myself. 

I'm just having a super hard time dealing with my brother being gone, and not only gone, but creating his life there... possibly children in his future. How do I fill the void? 

I realized yesterday that my husband is the only male in my life now! My father is deceased, my grandfather is deceased, no uncles, my brother is gone, no relationship with my inlaws, it's just my husband. This isn't sitting well with me now b/c he has to take the brunt of everything. I was raised with my father and brother constantly in the picture. No grandmothers as I grew, but one very special grandfather. And two great uncles and aunts. I have a history of being close with the men in my family and now I have NONE. I don't know how to fill the void. My husband gets a little touchy with me about the one male friend that I have that I'm close with, he's like a brother to me. But he listens to me and he's all I have besides my husband now! 

I'm just ranting here. I'm crushed and really really having a hard time dealing with my brother being gone. He told me he was leaving for 6-18 months to get his masters and that he'd be back then. He got his masters and is now staying. That little light at the end of the tunnel that I had for his return has burnt out, it was this little ray of hope that I clung to to help me get through him being gone. On one hand I'm glad he'll be back to visit for xmas, but on the other, that means he's going to leave again. I feel so destroyed. I can't stop crying about it.

Anybody, help?


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

bhappy3 said:


> I'm talking everyone related to me, or you, or whatever suits the conversation! I'm talking, what do you do for the holidays? As for my family, it's so minute and unenjoyable that it's not even worth it! And as for doing anything with my inlaws... there's no enjoyment in that either. So last year on xmas eve when the inlaws gathered, I sat at home by myself.
> 
> I'm just having a super hard time dealing with my brother being gone, and not only gone, but creating his life there... possibly children in his future. How do I fill the void?
> 
> ...


Go ahead, hun, if it makes you feel better..take it out on me. 

I have met some of the most you know what people around the holidays, hun. I use to let it bother me..let them piss me off, but then I thought..you may piss me off..you jerk, but you won't take my joy away. Fine yourself some friends to spend the holidays with. Hell, come on here and we can post Merry Christmas and wish each other a Happy New Year.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

it is just me, my wife and kids here in Georgia, plus both our jobs have us work on holidays, so for thanksgiving one of us is working, same for christmas.

So we have no family, plus the kids have crappy holidays becuase their parents ahve to work.

We do the best we can, but I feel bad they do not ahve any special holidays, it sucks


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## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

It is just me and my husband with the kids in Arizona. His family lives along the east coast of the states. My mom and sister live in Canada. I have two neices also in Canada. I have no aunts or uncles or cousins. My parents were only children. So that is it. There is more on my hubby's side. He has 2nd cousins here in the same town we live in but we don't see them often. They are in their 70's and we are still raising our kids and doing kid activities. 

I think we are so busy all the time, and we spend alot of time in the great outdoors and doing many activities we don't miss the Sunday dinners like I use to have with my grandparents. But that is just me. I wish I was closer to my family but we are just a phone call away.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

When I go to family reunions..I'm like ..ok, who's kid are you? I haven't went in a while, so I'm sure I'll be trying to keep up with all the new little ones that was added to the family.


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## askpuss (Oct 10, 2008)

We have a relatively small family as well. I do have good relationships with my parents and younger brother, and we have my hubbies parents and some of his siblings (but his family has fallen apart over the past few years) and get togethers consist of his parents and one of his siblings (he has 4 siblings.) 

We are thinking of moving away from our family with his job and stuff and that doesn't seem like too big of a deal for me. I would actually enjoy just having my own family (hubby and two kids) alone for the holidays, maybe have some friends over before or after the holidays for a party or something. At this point now, rushing from one families house to the other on holidays is so tiring and it would be nice to be able to spend my day cooking and being all Martha Stwart-y.  

Our lives are what we make of them. I even get jealous of watching movies or seeing friends with close large families that they actually enjoy spending time with on the holidays or for no reason all (like summer bbqs.) I never had that kind of family growing up, though my hubby did, and I think he misses the big family get togethers more than I do. 

It is just a matter of being happy with what you have. It's ok that your hubby is the only guy you know. And, you should look into getting an internet based service that let's you call France for free or for low rates. Or even use an internet VOIP service like Skype or Ventrillo or some of the other free internet communications that go from computer to computer. You could talk to him any time he is around on his computer, for that matter you guys to chat over webcams too. It wouldn't feel like he was so far away. 

Another good way to make social connections is getting to know the parents of your child's friends. They often will be people we would like if our child shares a friendship with their child, often it indicates that we share common values and interests. Getting to know your neighbors too can be a good way to feel more socially connected. But when we hermit ourselves up in our houses and feel lonely because we don't know anyone, the only person we can blame is ourselves. Most of us don't have strangers flocking to get to know us, being sociable takes some work. And if you want to build a social network outside of blood relatives, it just takes being friendly, finding the right people, and time to build the relationships. Coordinating a block party where you live with your neighbors can be a great way to meet everyone that lives near by. 

When we harbor on feeling bad we continue to feel bad. But, if we change our perspective and realize that life is still good even if we don't have blood relatives to share it with, we can start appreciating the things we do have and each other. 

Puss


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## Tawny Somers (Oct 31, 2008)

I have the same issues. But this is how I look at it:
You, your husband, and your child, ARE A FAMILY.
You need to understand that. Even if you didn't have a child, you and your husband would be a family. Because a family is.....whoever, how many, and whatever the members SAY it is....
You would be surprised how many people have these issues. Truth be told, there are probably more folks like us.
I have a very good friend, a gorgeous, beautiful woman...she's middle-aged, married well, money, beautiful....but she's heartbroken, still, over her parents being deceased and being estranged from her older sister....she has two adult children of her own, and they are a super-close family....but she is sad, she thinks she is lacking something....
I would've liked to had more family, but that's not something I can control. All I can do, is all I can do. My family is my husband, my children, and whoever else I say it is! 
The main things is just to be happy and enjoy one another.


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## Alicia (Nov 24, 2008)

I don't want to be hard on you, and I don't know your reasons for not liking your husband's family, but maybe you should try right there. Don't exclude his family just because you don't have yours.
Also, your attachment to your brother will have to eventually stop because he will have his family one day and you will not be no.1 any more. You will have to create your own happiness. And one more piece of advice – it is very, very rare that men and women are friends without having at least one person feeling a little bit more, but you can probably figure this one out yourself.
Good luck!


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