# Wife wants a ‘break’



## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

Wife wants a “break”
Too many arguments lately. Mostly started by her, and over some petty crap alot of it.

Demands that I leave tonight. Most likely she means my son (from a previous marriage) as well, who’s getting ready for bed and has school the next morning. I inform her, politely, that I don’t have to leave, legally that is. I stay calm. She’s fairly calm, just very cold. She goes to call police anyway “to ask”, knowing that they will probably show up. I tell her fine, I’ll leave. She calls police anyway, says she wants me to leave. police arrive and talk with us both separately, inform her that I don’t have to leave. It’s late and freezing outside, separations should be planned. I’ll sleep on the couch, I’m assuming we will discuss separation when we both return from work tomorrow. Any advise? I’ve heard people say to never leave...?

I wish we could get along better, and I’ve even suggested marriage counseling - she’s not for it. Sometimes I feel like her punching bag, she seems bipolar sometimes, says and does things that I would never say or do to her. When I’m in a bad mood because of something she says or does... she jumps all over me for being a big grump. I’ve learned my lesson from my ex wife who was very narcissistic, and a professional victim. I stay calm as best I can, and I try and please her any way I can. She’s too easily irritated, seems like 2 faces of Eve.


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## Rhubarb (Dec 1, 2017)

I would file for divorce if my wife called the police on me. That actually did happen when she (now ex-wife) was stone drunk and beating on her 10 year old kid because the toilet overflowed. I ended up spending three days in jail with no charges filled before they released me. My crime was A) holding her arms so she coudn't hit her daughter and more seriously B) refusing to leave the house (i.e. leave her daughter alone with her) when the police told me to go. Note, I was 100% sober. At that time I was a serious doormat and didn't do what I should have, which was file for divorce the second I got out of jail. Later she cheated on me and that was that.

In your case if it's gotten to the point where your wife is calling the police essentially for nothing, it means your are likely in for a rough ride. Next time she may accuse you of something serious and then you could be in a legal nightmare. I would get out of your marriage ASAP. Your wife is no longer your friend.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Also get yourself a VAR and carry it on you at all times to record all her interactions with you.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Check your phone bill online. There's a reason she wants you out.

Never leave your home. 

Tell her she can leave. She is the one wanting separation. Isn't she?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Rualst said:


> Wife wants a “break”
> Too many arguments lately. Mostly started by her, and over some petty crap alot of it.
> 
> Demands that I leave tonight. Most likely she means my son (from a previous marriage) as well, who’s getting ready for bed and has school the next morning. I inform her, politely, that I don’t have to leave, legally that is. I stay calm. She’s fairly calm, just very cold. She goes to call police anyway “to ask”, knowing that they will probably show up. I tell her fine, I’ll leave. She calls police anyway, says she wants me to leave. police arrive and talk with us both separately, inform her that I don’t have to leave. It’s late and freezing outside, separations should be planned. I’ll sleep on the couch, I’m assuming we will discuss separation when we both return from work tomorrow. Any advise? I’ve heard people say to never leave...?
> ...


Ah, another Typist...

Welcome to TAM..

I see that you are in Hades, in Purgatory!

Yes, you fell into the pit, that warm fold twice now, it seems. 
Your woman picker seems flawed.

Jump high and far. 
When possible get away from your, this she. 
She called the Police? Dangerous is she..ho, ho, yikes? :frown2::frown2::surprise:

Do not pick at the scab that is she.
Let this heal.

Wounds heal best when kept clean and aired out. When you are far away from her.
Put no salve on this wound that is she. It will just turn light and soft. 
Delay healing.

Let your emotional fibrin and tough love platelets form a scab.
To insulate yourself from the verbal punches from her unloving, gloved hands.

The Typist I-


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Tell her calmly and politely that if she wants to separate then she is free to leave any time. Don't make yourself and your son homeless.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

If the only child is yours then tell her you and your son are not leaving and if she wants a break then she can go but I would tell her you will call children services is she is forcing your son to leave his home. Also if she hurts the child in any way I would call the police on her as well.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Don’t leave your home.

Get a VAR to protect you against any false claims of domestic violence, emotional abuse, etc.

Check the phone bill — there’s likely a reason she’s been picking fights.

Either way, like @Rhubarb said, calling the cops for such a bull**** reason should be an immediate dealbreaker for you.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Call attorneys and begin gathering information. Do not change ANYTHING without consulting with at least 1-3 lawyers beforehand. You have no idea how leaving the marital home will effect you legally and shouldn't do anything until you know and can make an informed decision.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Don't move. Hand her a suitcase and divorce papers.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Rualst, your post from 2015: Seperated, starting divorce, wife dating

Same wife?


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

no, this is not the same wife. My first marriage ended peacefully. We made a settlement agreement ourselves, and filed for divorce- no lawyers, no fighting. We actually get along pretty good now, which is one thing my current wife hates. we’re not friends, we don’t do anything together, but we are civil and friendly towards one another.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I am not saying this to be mean.

Some people, male and female..

Seem to have a sign that says, "Kick me".

A strange thing this. Deserves it's own thread. 

Usually, it seems, those kicked are:

Self effacing.
Dissembling.
Rather quiet, then not.
Nice guy, nice gal. This trait at an annoying level.
Has tics, mannerisms that annoy others.
Asks too many questions, that to others, seem inane, silly.
Is a motor mouth. Gabs, yaks incessantly.

Is this you?
Some of you?

Dunno-
Deserves a thread.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

She wants a break. She can leave.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

And . . . 

You can wish all you like but she's not interested in making your marriage better. Sounds like you basically jumped from your previous marriage into this marriage without really knowing what you were getting into. Go much slower next time (because there will be a next time).


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Your W wants out. Let her out and then lock the door. Some have mentioned, VAR at all times. If you W is capable of calling the cops on your without good reason she is capable of making up a good reason. Protect yourself.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Rualst said:


> I stay calm. She’s fairly calm, just very cold. She goes to call police anyway “to ask”, knowing that they will probably show up. I tell her fine, I’ll leave. She calls police anyway, says she wants me to leave. police arrive and talk with us both separately, inform her that I don’t have to leave.


She has shown you she is capable of doing the previously unthinkable. She tried to get the police to throw you out of your own home!

This was your warning of things to come.

As everyone has said, get a good VAR and have it on you whenever she may be near you. Get good batteries, and a spare set of batteries. Any time you are in the home it should be in your shirt pocket running. Know how to flick it on instantly if it is off and she shows up suddenly. Your cell phone is not a good substitute for a VAR most likely.

Don't let her provoke you into yelling, cursing, or saying anything ugly. Be aware she may be intentionally setting you up. Be aware she may have a VAR running too, or a hidden video camera. She may intentionally try to get you to touch her or push her. She may hit your first. She may physically block you from leaving a room, then start yelling at you.

Realize she is trying to get you riled up, and she may be recording it as evidence to get a restraining order against you. This is a common tactic!

It is also common to make completely false allegations of assault or abuse. Your VAR will show what really happened, whether she totally makes it up or she was trying to goad you into yelling or pushing.

My advice is to talk to your attorney about all of this. Beyond that, I would have the mindset every interaction with her could be a setup to harm you legally. If she starts yelling, you disengage. Tell her you won't participate while she is out of control, then you leave the room. If she is yelling or being physical around children, tell her that her behavior around the children is not acceptable, then you take the kids out.

Keep in mind how your actions would look to the police and to a judge on video or on your VAR recording.

If she traps you in a room and is yelling, calmly tell her you wish to leave the room and to please move from the door so you can leave. Broken record on that one. Repeat it and repeat it until she moves. Don't get into debates or argue with her about anything substantive. "I won't discuss this with you while you are yelling at me. Please move away from the door so that I can leave." Repeat as necessary.

If she physically touches you, now it is a minefield. I would disengage as much as is possible, while verbalizing (for the VAR) to stop pushing, stop hitting, or whatever she is doing, and that you want to leave the room. Be a wuss, and get it on the VAR. Know that she may be intending to get you to push back so that she can call 911. If she is posing a real threat, like trying to hit you with a heavy object, then I would get physical as necessary to defend myself while also verbalizing what was happening "Put down the fry pan! Stay away from me! Let me leave!".

In court, the male is the presumed aggressor and bad guy. Do everything you can to avoid yelling or touching her. VAR. If she does call the police, do not admit to touching her. If she was trying to hit you with the cast iron fry pan and you shoved her away, I would not admit to shoving her! With your lawyer's advice, use your VAR to show the police what happened or wait until court to play the VAR.

If you have weapons in the home, I would remove them. Store them with a trusted sibling or friend, or rent a small secure storage unit. Guns, bayonets, hunting and pocket knives, etc. We had a well known local case here where a wife made false allegations that her H had threatened her with his gun. It was extremely destructive to his life for a couple of years until he finally proved it false in court. Don't be that guy!

Your W stepped over a really important line when she called 911. Take it seriously, and protect yourself legally.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Rualst, I remember your first thread - I am assuming this is not the same Latina wife that stepped out on you with some other guys and then with someone who didn't even speak English?

This must be a new wife since then ? What is the back story here ?

And why did you leave the master bedroom ? She should have!


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Rualst said:


> Wife wants a “break”
> Too many arguments lately. Mostly started by her, and over some petty crap alot of it.
> 
> Demands that I leave tonight. Most likely she means my son (from a previous marriage) as well, who’s getting ready for bed and has school the next morning. I inform her, politely, that I don’t have to leave, legally that is. I stay calm. She’s fairly calm, just very cold. She goes to call police anyway “to ask”, knowing that they will probably show up. I tell her fine, I’ll leave. She calls police anyway, says she wants me to leave. police arrive and talk with us both separately, inform her that I don’t have to leave. It’s late and freezing outside, separations should be planned. I’ll sleep on the couch, I’m assuming we will discuss separation when we both return from work tomorrow. Any advise? I’ve heard people say to never leave...?
> ...


You try to please her any way you can?

It's a shame you didn't work on yourself more after your last relationship.


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Rualst said:


> Sometimes I feel like her punching bag, she seems bipolar sometimes, says and does things that I would never say or do to her.


Ruralst, perhaps your W is bipolar. However, the behaviors you describe -- i.e., argumentative, verbal abuse, icy withdrawal, _"too easily irritated,"_ and _"seems like 2 faces of Eve"_ -- sound more like the warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Importantly, I'm not suggesting your W has the full-blown disorder (only a professional can determine whether her symptoms are that severe). Rather, I'm suggesting she might be exhibiting moderate to strong BPD traits.

If you're interested, I describe the major differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW) at 12 Bipolar/BPD Differences. If most of those BPD symptoms sound very familiar, I would suggest you also read my more detailed description of them at 18 BPD Warning Signs and my posts in Maybe's Thread. If that description rings many bells and raises questions, I would be glad to discuss them with you. Take care, Ruralst.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It sounds like you haven't been married long. How old is your son? Who owns the home you live in?


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## jarhed (Nov 11, 2012)

She's cheating. Bust her ass and escape the alimony rape scenario.

Also BEWARE - she is one step away from calling the cops and faking violence to get you arrested. This is the cheating wife playbook these days.

And don't ever do it again.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

I believe she fits into the borderline personality disorder category. I used to think narc, who seeks out a "Mr. Nice Guy", someone co-dependent, but BPD fits her best. I've told her in the past that I think she needs help, but I made the mistake of saying that during an argument which is just asking for trouble. I don't believe she will admit that she needs help.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Starting fights for no reason and telling you she wants space are two textbook signs of cheating. Do some discreet sleuthing.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Rualst said:


> I believe she fits into the borderline personality disorder category. I used to think narc, who seeks out a "Mr. Nice Guy", someone co-dependent, but BPD fits her best. I've told her in the past that I think she needs help, but I made the mistake of saying that during an argument which is just asking for trouble. I don't believe she will admit that she needs help.


BPD'ers end up with plenty of Mr. Nice Guys as well.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

Last Thursday, I agreed to leave. I know I didn't have to, but it is her house that I only moved into 16 months ago, and she's owned it for 15 years. I was informed by my attorney how the whole 'abandonment' thing is pretty much a myth. Especially since there is a report of her demanding that I leave, now that the police have been there. Also, I was a little paranoid that she may hurt herself and call the cops, or play some games like that. Also, the idea of a break stared sounding good, and I have been appreciating it lately.

Apparently, I was worried about nothing. She has been civil, and mature about matters. We discuss parenting times for our baby, bills, and other things - and it seems that she really just needed a break from all the arguing and drama. Not a serious separation, just a break. The night I left, she wasn't home while I packed. The next time we talked, she asked why I took ALL my clothes. Maybe she doesn't understand what a separation is, but she questioned ME about me wanting it over for good, because I took all my clothes... Well Yea!!... YOU called the cops and YOU wanted me OUT! Figure that one out. 

Also, when I first came back to take the baby Saturday afternoon, I knocked on the door, to be proper, because I didn't want to just barge in during this seperation... and she asked why I don't just use my key and come on it?? She even made a payment to one of my credit cards that she's been using a little. She's not going to go the petty route. But hey, you never know how people will change if it's going to be over - which I kind of thought it would be. I guess we weren't on the same page, or maybe I'm thinking of my last separation with my ex wife which was nasty. 
I have been researching BPD and Mr. Nice guy. Yup, that's us. Big time. 

I'm trying to reply to certain posts, and don't understand how. Let me say that she is not cheating. I'm not just saying that because It's what I hope or what I want to hear. I just know that it isn't happening. Call me a sucker if you want, but 99% sure she's not. If she is, well good for her.

also, LIVVIE - Married almost a year, together almost 2 years. We did work together for a year, around 2004. Happened to find each other on facebook and met up. My son is 14, but a little ADD - acts like 8 or 9, needs lots of attention and I have to be all over him to get things done. My wife own the home. I moved in a little before we got married.

There is a whole other story to tell, this gets MUCH juicer. I need to take my time and try not to write a novel, but this gets complicated big time. I just dont have the time right now.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

When you guys argue, do you both fight to win? To prove yourselves right?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You say you have a new baby. Has she checked with a doctor to see if she has post partum depression ? Very common!


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

We both think we're right, so arguments can go on forever. Sometimes she has a point, and I'll admit when she's right. Most of the time, she seems to dissect everything i do or say, and turn it bad. Occasionally she's sort of right, but most of the time she's over reacting to nonsense, petty stuff. She's easily offended by small things, thinking into small comments or actions too much, and always assumes the worst about me. Easily irritated. Sometimes pleasant, sometimes happy, but mostly quiet and seems to be stressed or aggravated often. May be work stuff. 

Post partum depression, I don't believe so. This was happening before the baby.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

If she will call the cops when you say you were both calm, then she is capable of doing anything to hurt you up and including accusations of child abuse and child molestation. And yes, she could inflict bruises and injuries upon herself and have you arrested for assault. 

This is a ticking time bomb. 

If she is a BPDer, she will be just as triggered and angry and volitile about you leaving the house as she would be if you stayed. She may be playing nice and loving and wanting to work things out one minute, and beating her head into the sink and calling the cops on you for abuse the next. 

Get a VAR and have on you at all time when interacting with her. 

Get a lawyer and follow the lawyer's advice. 

Do NOT go the lawyerless route with this one. You need a legal advocate in corner because once things start getting real, she is going to turn into a loose cannon real fast. 

She is not your friend.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

I'm gonna run on here, sorry.

I admit that I rushed into this relationship, and she rushed it as well. She was quiet, fragile, just a sweet little woman. I was always somewhat introverted, but had my moments of being social. I seemed to be more extroverted once I was getting over my divorce and when meeting up with her. We started dating more than a year after my divorce. It quickly became serious, felt like true love and felt like it was meant to be. When we worked together years ago, we were both married but kinda knew there was a connection and did flirt a little bit.

Maybe my self confidence was still down, and I was lonely for a while with not much happening. It got physical quick with her, and after only 2 months I moved in with her. She had 2 children, and my son from my last marriage came to live with us soon after. His mother was having problems with him, and he wanted to live with daddy - ****** her constantly, so since I was living in a nice condo with plenty of room, my ex said OK. 

With my wife, there were some red flags, that maybe I ignored or didn't realize. I really wanted this to be my happily ever after, and she was so sweet.

1) The second time she ever came to my apartment in the beginning, after sex, she asked where this is going. She made it clear that she didn't want a **** buddy and wanted to be married and have another baby eventually. I thought that was weird, but I made the excuse that it wasn't too soon because we worked together for a year and already knew each other. Maybe we were a unique pairing and were just drawn to each other, it felt really good. I told her that I haven't thought about that yet, and I'm OK with that - but not next week! that was the end of it.

2) She is not legal in this country. She's been here since she was 16 from Mexico. Her parents arranged a marriage for her to someone that she didn't really like. They paid a coyote to sneak them over the border. She begged her parents not to. She wanted to stay with them and go to school. Her mother maybe felt bad, but did whatever dad said. upon coming here, her ex wasn't treating her too good. I don't believe he was physically abusing her, but he was nasty and she was miserable. 
Her parents eventually came here to legally, and stayed with them for a couple years and then left. Once she was strong enough to divorce, her husband did become physical - but not extremely. Since her husband, she's only had 1 boyfriend and then me. I believe she made her last boyfriend miserable too. After her ex husband she toughend up.

3) Soon after moving in with her, she 'mistakenly' missed her birth control pill. On the days that matter. She told me she was pregnant, and said whatever I want to do (stay or leave) is OK. Obviously I wasn't going to leave, I told her I love her and it's fine. I did start to think that maybe I wanted a baby too, so it was fine. Soon after, She started changing - moody, complaining. She wanted to be married. Not exactly pressured me, but mentioned it from time to time. She knows that I'm not stupid, I know for these illegals, marrying an american is hitting the jackpot. The one time it was brought up, she got very upset that I would suggest something like that, and said I am free to leave whenever I want.

4) When my son came to live with us, my ex knew she would have to start paying me child support. I was so happy just to not have to pay HER anymore, that I told her it can wait till she finds a job. She has trouble finding work with her autistic son.. I think she's a little lazy, but whatever. My wife said at the time not to take her money, "we don't need it". but around the time the baby came, she changed her tune and broke my balls big time to start getting child support. My ex complained, and my wife wanted blood - demanded I go to court. I tried to explain to her that my ex takes my son every weekend, and vacations from school, and she wants him all summer. With her having him so much time, and our incomes taken into account, it will not be worth the trouble. This I researched. She just hears me defending my ex. She hates that me and my ex get along. She hates the idea of ex's being civil, because her and her ex hate each other. She thinks I still care about her, and calls her my 'princess'. She now checks phone records and ask me about phone calls to my ex. I explain every call, and they all have to do with our son or something important. She doesn't like that I call her when I'm working, but we are both busy and not home together much. When we are, I don't want to waste our time being on the phone with my ex, so I do it while I'm on the road - I drive for a living. Nope. She demands that I only talk to my ex when I'm home around her. Month ago, she dialed my ex and put it to my face - forcing me to start a fight with my ex about child support. Call me a *****, but my ex takes my son a lot and spends money on him. I understand that I should do whatever to no choose my ex over my wife, and I am playing with fire. These are 2 latinas, fiesty. I can't believe the last fight.... I told my son to call his mom on her birthday, and she got upset because I said 'your mom'. She said that I should refer to my ex as "your MOTHER" when talking to my son. really? Many petty things like that go on.

5) If we split up, her immigration paperwork will be rejected. Then immigration will immediately issue a deportation order for her. She KNOWS this, and doesn't seem to care. She says she'll leave her 16yo son here, take her 12yo daughter with her, and "of course I'm taking my baby". That's our baby she's referring to, and I simply said "That will NOT be happening". We left it at that, this discussion was right before I left. So, unless she's bluffing - she doesn't care.

6) While she started complaining about my ex, she also started complaining about my son. He wasn't as obedient as her 2 children, and he talked back a little bit. My son is developmentally delayed. He's 14, but acts like he's 10. has add. needs prompting, reminding, and is a little lazy sometimes. but none of it is serious, she is REALLY over reacting to nonsense. She seems to look for things to get on him about. Now (and this is what prompted the separation) she is claiming that because "my son is causing us to argue and fight", and the house is very chaotic, my son needs to go. She demanded this, with no emotion - so cold. Since I won't "fix" my son, so he needs to go or we BOTH need to go. So cold, how a mother could say something like that. Choose me or your son. wonderful. Some things about my son can't be "fixed". I would love to tell her to go to hell, and take my son and file for divorce, but I have a new baby to think about. I have been trying to save this train wreck for the last few months, while things just got worse. I really wish our new baby could grow up in a house with mom and dad. And honestly, my son would have no problem going back to mom. She lives close and I can see him plenty - but I can't do it just because she demands it. I'm in a tight spot. If I leave, she gets deported eventually and I don't know how the fight for the baby will go. Something to discuss with an immigration attorney I guess.

7) Just 2 days after I left (last night), we were talking about bills and stuff and she said that I could come over. She said she missed me, and didn't mind me coming over during this break. Now I'm not gonna lie, she's always been submissive in bed - even after a fight, when it's bed time - were like rabbits. So like a dummy, I went, and ended up sleeping over. Yes, I know that was stupid. I guess now that my son is out of the way, she's gonna try and lure me back and be all sweet. I told her today that I still want to respect the separation, and I am still going to my son after work to be with him, and if I do visit her it will be later at night... were not just gonna make up like this and forget all the ****. I'm still not sure what I'm doing yet - very confused. She's wants me back, and doesn't really care what happens to my son. me and my son have been staying at my mothers for now. 

If I stay away, my son will probably go back with his mother anyway. I just get that feeling. If not immediately, maybe after the summer that he is with her anyway - he'll probably just stay. I know that she misses him and wants him. I have to admit that she was always a good mother and I know he will be in good hands. So either way, my son's going with my ex. I can tell my wife to go to hell, and file for divorce, or make up with her and stay for my baby. If I stayed, I would make sure she knew that I'm not doing it for her, but for my baby.. and I will make sure she knows that I will NEVER forgive her making me dispose of my son. I know I should run like hell, but I'm thinking about my new baby as well.

I guess us 'Mr. Nice Guys' put a 'kick me' sign on our backs. We just ask to be a door mat... a punching bag. I am treated like another child.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Now that you are separated there is no need for long discussions. Grey rock her. Look that up. Detach. Read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" if you haven't yet. It will give you some verbal tools for dealing with her.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

She has called the police, threatened to leave the USA with your child and terrorizing your relationship with your ex baby momma AND your son.

Besides sex what is in this marriage for you? Has she filed for green-card yet being married to you? 

BTW, baby born here stays here. Quietly get all your child's documents and store away from your wife. You may need to spy on her to see if she is trying to get your child Mexican papers behind your back because your child is a dual citizen.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Thor said:


> Now that you are separated there is no need for long discussions. Grey rock her. Look that up. Detach. Read "When I Say No, I Feel Guilty" if you haven't yet. It will give you some verbal tools for dealing with her.


This is good advice.

It sounds as if you're gaining the high ground. Don't let the sex cloud your emerging good sense. Stepchildren are the major reason 2nd marriages fail.

She will NEVER treat your son the way she treats hers.

You're going to have to learn to stand up... quickly.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

Her talk about getting deported was said in tears, she was letting me know that that will happen if we're not together - I didn't think about that. It wasn't a threat, she was just informing me that that will happen, possibly to get me to feel guilty. But her attitude about being deported was like "Oh well, if it happens it happens, nothing I can do". She didn't say it in a mean way, just told me that it will happen. Now as much as I want to flip out about my baby possibly going to mexico, I do have to understand that that is her baby too and she loves her very much, so I have to expect a legal fight if this happens. Of course she's going to want her baby, she wouldn't be human if she just left and forgot about her baby! Doesn't mean I want her to take the baby, doesn't mean that I won't do whatever I have to to make sure that doesn't happen... I'm just saying that she wasn't using it as a threat. this is if we get divorced also, which hasn't happened. And no, the baby doesn't have duel citizenship - don't know where that idea came from?? I've been told that she wont be able to take the baby automatically if she's being deported. They will make sure they contact the father first, or family. The baby just doesn't hop on the plane with her. I have to investigate further how this works, I'm sure this isn't the first time this has happened.

I do know about doing a 180. I do know about the no-contact rule. I do know about dealing with narcs and sociopaths. I really don't need to do much. I can just stay separated and file for divorce if I like. She's not bothering me, she's not doing anything except working and going home to her kids. Maybe last night was a mistake, but when I was around her, I felt silly for my paranoia. She had no funny business in mind. I left the next morning for work and she just hugged me and said she missed me. When I do have contact with her other times, she is quiet and polite. When she sees me hold our baby, she smiles and chit chats with me a little bit about silly things. Like this break was a good idea and she feels better already?? When I went over to the house last night (which I know was not a good idea) she just gave me a big hug and started tearing up a little bit. We sat with the baby on the couch watching tv a little bit, I could tell she felt uncomfortable because it was a little weird me being there like that. She did admit that she felt stupid calling the police, but she called to ask if i had to leave or not - it wasn't a domestic call. She didn't give herself a black eye. When the police came, and informed her that I did not have to leave - I could tell she felt a little stupid about all of it, and apologized to them. They asked if she felt scared of me and she said no. they asked if we've tried counseling and she cried saying no. When they left, we just went to bed. She had an opportunity to lie or beat herself up, but I don't think she is thinking about anything like that. She's being nice lately, sweet... I can tell she wants me to come back home. I know I'm gonna get beaten up by a couple people here, but she's not an evil person. No need to assume the worst. I am still being careful and protecting myself. 

I'm not budging for now, since she's only being nice because my son is out of her house and maybe this was her plan. She knows I'm not bringing him back anyway - I don't want him around her after this.

I don't know about her getting the baby Mexican documents behind my back, doubt that is even possible. 

I started my petition for her 2 months ago, a petition for a spousal visa. If it's approved, maybe in 5 or 6 more months, she will still have another hurdle doing part 2. Part 2 is called a 'waiver of forgiveness' - for not entering legally. For that part, she will have to go to the US consulate in Mexico and deal with them. Explain what 'extreme hardships' not being allowed back will cause. They may punish her from coming here for a certain amount of time, even with citizen children here.

I've been through a nasty divorce before. I've dealt with narcs before. She just doesn't come off as that crazy, not crazy enough to beat herself up and call the police. Not saying it's impossible, but I'm just not getting that vibe. I will still be careful though, and I do record our interactions - which most are where there are witnesses around.

I'll check out the book


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

Hey Rualist,
This is a very difficult situation, and I think finding a good marriage counselor could help. Keep in mind that most counselors really are not effective. So ask around and check references. Only hire a really good one with a proven track record and excellent reputation. If you and your wife could pull this thing apart together, dissect it with help from an excellent marriage and family therapist, and then put it back together it could be worth it. No one is perfect. Not your son, not your wife. She has been manipulative so you have to proceed with caution, but I would give reconciliation your best effort. It it fails at least you can tell yourself you gave it your best. 

If she is unwilling to work with you then find an attorney and protect your yourself and your newborn. But if she is open to working it out and self-reflecting there is hope.

I am very sorry you are going through this. You sound like good guy who deserves better. Wishing you luck.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Rualst, I mentioned your daughter being a dual as her mother is a Mexican national so the child is a Mexican citizen, if the mother files the papers. Since the baby was born on US soil she is automatically a US citizen, hence being a dual. 

But now that you provided more texture to your story sounds like you two just need some serious marriage counseling, especially concerning your wife's relationship with your son.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Sounds like you need to man up and move back in and start leading the relationship.


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## toucheturtle (Nov 12, 2017)

sorry to hear your story guy.i have looked over your thread and see its tough.you have some very important decisions to make fast. you need to start by getting a home in both of your names where you have equal grounding.have you thought about filing for legal custody of your child?i know its seems like a young child always goes to the mother but not in all cases.there is an old saying when someone shows you their true colors believe them.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Rualst: what you don't see here is that your wife is a woman that is accustomed from birth to very strong male roles, and you come up as a weak male that she can manipulate, because you have let her. I'm telling you, I know. 

The moment that she told you about your kid not being accepted in her house that was the moment you should have told her: "If my kid can't live with you and be part of the family, neither can I. This relationship is over. He is not accepted, then neither am I." How do you think your kid would look at you after he finds out that you dumped him to be able to have a relationship with your wife?? That's weak, unmanly. You are showing her that she can demand whatever she wants from you. I bet you that if she had told this to her ex's, he most likely would have just smacked her, and told her, " in this house will live whomever I say so." 

I you want to continue with this woman, you'll have to really man-up, otherwise, sooner or later a very strong male character will just take her away from you. Good luck.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

I went to visit my baby yesterday, after work. I found out from my mother that the baby had a check up at the doctor yesterday at 4, so she picked up the baby before I got to my mothers, where me and my son are staying. I texted my wife, asking about what happened at the doctor and is the baby ok. She said the baby is good. I let her know that I was coming later, and she was being nice and said that she’ll see me later. I got done with work a little late – like 630, I did some school work with my son (my mothers house is 3 minutes away from our house). 
When I arrived, we greeted each other, I spent some time with the baby. we talked about a couple of things, including marriage counseling. Apparently, while she was at the doctor – she asked what he thought about marriage counseling because she doesn’t know anything about it. She also proceeded to tell him things about me and what goes on in our house that are not exactly true. she exaggerates my sons behavior, and told him that she wanted me to send my son back to his mother. She also told him that and I am soft towards my ex, and I don’t want to take child-support from her. She also told him that I talk to my ex every day. And she told him about how our house is so stressful and fighting all the time and arguing and she can’t take it anymore.
this is all either untrue or greatly exaggerated. I have already explained to her that if I call my ex, it has to do with my son or something important. now I am realizing that we can just look at the phone records online and I would love to hear her explain to me how I talk to her every day – because it’s probably once a week, maybe twice – but we communicate about my son, or something important. Once a week, maybe twice. I told her that I think it’s childish that she is snooping through phone records and assuming that there is some kind of funny business going on. Also – I have explained to her many times that with my ex having an autistic child, who is not supposed to be left unsupervised – it is a little hard for her to find work. i’ve admitted that maybe my ex is a little lazy, her son could get off the bus from school and let himself inside and be alone a little bit - he is not severe and my ex has a husband and other people in the home that could look after him but I was trying to avoid a very ugly court battle. My ex will bring paperwork from the doctor talking about her special needs son and she will play that card well. Also, because my mom ex takes my son every weekend, every break from school, and she wants him all summer – she has in a lot of the time with him and spends money on him. 
That, Combined with the fact that I make more money than her – they probably won’t make her pay me much at all and I’ve told my wife that my lawyers advice was that it was a lot more trouble than it’s worth, and my ex could try and take my son back out of spite. My wife seems to forget that when my son came to live with us – she herself told me not to take my exes money. We were just happy that I didn’t have to pay her anymore. 
Yes I can obey my wife and start a very ugly court battle, and I come off as being a ***** – but because of money, and minor issues with my son stemming from his ADD, how can she have the heart to tell me that my son needs to go and I need to leave to if I don’t like it? and she is dead set on either I do everything she says, her way or the highway, or it’s over. She appears to not really care if I just leave for good. She also demands that I don’t take my ex’s calls when I am not around her because she thinks I don’t want her hearing something or I’m doing something inappropriate.
I told her that since we both work a lot, and don’t have a lot if time together- I don’t want to waste our time together talking to my ex. I call her whike I’m working IF I NEED. And if my ex calls me, I’m not just going to ignore her calls. 
once the doctor heard all of this garbage, he told her that I am the one who first need to “grow up”– and then we should go to marriage counseling. That really made me feel like ****, but he only knows what she tells him – she seems to be a professional victim as well as a borderline. 
I’m happy that she has agreed to marriage counseling but when I told her that I think she also needs to speak to a therapist, that I feel things are very unfair and I would like for her to at least speak to a therapist – she absolutely refuses.
after our talk, she was ready to go to bed with me! she’s under the impression that we are sort of making up and I will stay there. (I did by the way, because I’m stupid – what can I say....)
this is going to become an issue – because she seems to forget that me and my son moved in with my mother, and my son is going to my mothers house after school. I don’t know if she expects me to just abandon him there or ship him off to his mother mid school year... but she has made it clear that he is not coming back to that house – not even to finish this school year and THEN go with his mother for the summer that was already planned. 
So I can see that she feels she succeeded in getting rid of my son, and want’s me to come back. She feels that our fights that are about him is a big problem and he needs to go. He used to talk back to her a little bit when he felt he was being treated unfair but that has gotten much better and I don’t understand what her big problem with him is – maybe she hates the fact that I am civil with my ex and subconsciously takes it out on him. 
When he first came, her daughter got defensive because my wife liked him and he was getting her attention - so she messed with him a little to get a reaction, and would call her mother to complain about him - and I got **** for “my son being mean to her daughter” without her hearing both sides. 

my son doesn’t know that she has demanded he leave. My son believes that me and him both left because we are are having a separation, and he is just staying with me.

so now, I have to decide what to do. I can tell my ex that me and my son at my mothers because we’re having a separation – I know my ex is going to want my son back, I know she misses him and loves him and he would be in very good hands with her, she has always been a wonderful mother and she can give him more attention than I can, and I know that she will work with me about child support because she understands she hasn’t been paying me and she will be fair, we would work out a deal amongst ourselves without court – my ex would not be petty enough to try and screw me or take me to court for money that she doesn’t deserve. I have to say that my wife is making my ex look a lot better. me and my ex have a respect for each other and are very civil. my wife hates that. I have already asked my son, out of curiosity – how he would feel about living with mom and coming to me on the weekends & maybe during the week I’ll take him to dinner sometimes. He says he would be fine with it. He really doesn’t care, as long as he has his xbox. I told him that I am only asking because your mom misses you and I know mom want to back, and now that I’m separated with your stepmother, your mother is not going to want you living at grandmas house and she is going to want you back. He was cool with it. So I could just let this happen, go back home so that my new baby can grow up with mom and dad in the house, Go to marriage counseling, and try and fix this. It will also keep my wife from getting deported and trying to take my baby out of the country. Understand this, I would love to tell my wife to go to hell and I will never forgive her for what she is said and done about my son – but I have a baby to think about also and my son doesn’t need to know about his nasty stepmother, he would be fine with his mother, 10 minutes away, and we get to see me often. My wife already knows that we would have him on the weekends and she claims that she doesn’t hate the kid and doesn’t mind him coming there on the weekends – but because my ex is not paying and we “fight because of my son”, he just needs to leave.

or – option B. I tell my wife to go to hell, I tell her that I hope she gets the help she needs but I can’t take this anymore, and I don’t deserve this. Neither does my son. I tell her that only and evil witch could expect me to toss my son like garbage and I don’t want to be with someone like that. How can she think that she will come before my son when I don’t even come before myself. then I can pack the rest of my crap, leave, file for divorce. I know I should’ve done this from the start according to everyone that I talk to, but my son could be with his mother and be fine.. I just can’t do it only because sue’s DEMANDING it! I’ll be such a *****. I could do it anyway, and give my daughter a normal life, with both parents - and my son is already a teenager and will be fine. I feel like **** saying that, but I also feel like I am letting my baby daughter down, because honestly, my son will be happy and not know about this crap. I’m thinking about my baby too, and I’m very confused/anxious. 
I don’t want to only see her every other weekend. this option will definitely result in my wife being deported if we divorce. she knows this, and appears to not be worried. Or maybe she’s hiding it. She doesn’t like to show emotion, and she is very private. She still hasn’t said a word about this to my mother, and she sees my mother every day dropping off the baby and picking up the baby. My mother watches the baby for us and we pay her. That was another one of her demands – she doesn’t want my mother watching the baby, because once or twice a week my mother brings a baby with her to work. She works part time in a small office. This is not a problem for me, I know her work environment and it’s pretty relaxed and quiet and the baby is happy – plays in her playpen there, and my mother is not very busy at work. but my wife would rather pay more money and put the baby in childcare. 
I asked my wife what will happen with her son and daughter when she was deported. She said she will take her 12-year-old daughter with her, and leave her 16-year-old son – because he is older and can take care of himself, and he has his dad here that will look after him. Maybe it hurts her inside to say this, but she appears to not be worried about it.

I may sound like a vulnerable wuss here, but this is for just here. I have to make a decision soon and I have to tell my ex that my son is at my mothers. She has a right to know where he is. She already knows he goes there sometimes after school, but just for fun sometimes to visit.

Lot of crap, I am so lost right now. It is taking every ounce of strength in my body – not to tell my wife to go to hell. so easy for people to tell me to leave this nut and don’t throw my son under the bus, and I understand that – I feel like crap. I was so looking forward to my baby daughter growing up with mom and dad, but at what cost? I know my teenage son will be fine with his mom but that also makes me feel like crap. No person deserves to be in this situation.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Like I said, you are weak with women. You are a US citizen, the first thing you need to do is talk to a family lawyer so that you can have the facts. But I'm pretty sure that if she gets deported, she can't take your child with her. They would only deport her, because the immigration order would be only against her. Her children are US citizen and can't be deported. All you have to do is to ensure legally that she does not take your child with her. Your lawyer can make sure of that. Your wife is nothing but a life sucking individual for you.

Man up, stop fearing, you are paralize with fear. Like I said, talk to a lawyer he'll tell you exactly what to do. In this situation you are the one that has the upper hand, realize this.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

I realize that I have the upper hand. apparently, she is not bluffing which baffles me. She made it clear that either her demands are met or I leave. I am leaning towards leaving. Even if I make my own demands, man up, tell her how it’s going to be from now on .... it’s just not going to work with this woman. Maybe I am wrong, but she seems to be standing firm and she is tough as nails. I will always feel like her dog, like I am a child in her eyes. maybe I keep making excuses, saying that my son will be fine with his mother anyway, and because he doesn’t really know what’s going on and he will be in good hands with his mother, that in just a few short years he will be 18 and going on with his life while I could’ve had my daughter in her home with mom and dad and she will be happy. But mentally, I will always know that I didn’t stand up for my son and leave this woman, I will always have that guilt. but by me leaving this woman, means that my new baby will grow up without mom and dad together. Maybe Later in life, my daughter will blame me for her mother being deported. I’ll feel bad for my daughter, but if I stay – it’s just wrong, I know it’s wrong. And even with marriage counseling, I don’t think she will be that sweet woman I remember. Nothing I do will ever be good enough, I will be criticized constantly, not taken seriously, and I can’t see it being a happily ever after like she does if she gets her way. I should at least stay seperated while going to marriage counseling so I can say I tried.
I have a problem making up my mind, and I worry too much about other peoples opinions. That’s my problem, is this need to hear what other people think I should do. I just keep repeating myself and I know it’s annoying. I just keep thinking about my poor baby girl who has no idea whats going on.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Rualst said:


> I went to visit my baby yesterday, after work. I found out from my mother that the baby had a check up at the doctor yesterday at 4, so she picked up the baby before I got to my mothers, where me and my son are staying. I texted my wife, asking about what happened at the doctor and is the baby ok. She said the baby is good. I let her know that I was coming later, and she was being nice and said that she’ll see me later. I got done with work a little late – like 630, I did some school work with my son (my mothers house is 3 minutes away from our house).
> When I arrived, we greeted each other, I spent some time with the baby. we talked about a couple of things, including marriage counseling. Apparently, while she was at the doctor – she asked what he thought about marriage counseling because she doesn’t know anything about it. She also proceeded to tell him things about me and what goes on in our house that are not exactly true. she exaggerates my sons behavior, and told him that she wanted me to send my son back to his mother. She also told him that and I am soft towards my ex, and I don’t want to take child-support from her. She also told him that I talk to my ex every day. And she told him about how our house is so stressful and fighting all the time and arguing and she can’t take it anymore.
> this is all either untrue or greatly exaggerated. I have already explained to her that if I call my ex, it has to do with my son or something important. now I am realizing that we can just look at the phone records online and I would love to hear her explain to me how I talk to her every day – because it’s probably once a week, maybe twice – but we communicate about my son, or something important. Once a week, maybe twice. I told her that I think it’s childish that she is snooping through phone records and assuming that there is some kind of funny business going on. Also – I have explained to her many times that with my ex having an autistic child, who is not supposed to be left unsupervised – it is a little hard for her to find work. i’ve admitted that maybe my ex is a little lazy, her son could get off the bus from school and let himself inside and be alone a little bit - he is not severe and my ex has a husband and other people in the home that could look after him but I was trying to avoid a very ugly court battle. My ex will bring paperwork from the doctor talking about her special needs son and she will play that card well. Also, because my mom ex takes my son every weekend, every break from school, and she wants him all summer – she has in a lot of the time with him and spends money on him.
> That, Combined with the fact that I make more money than her – they probably won’t make her pay me much at all and I’ve told my wife that my lawyers advice was that it was a lot more trouble than it’s worth, and my ex could try and take my son back out of spite. My wife seems to forget that when my son came to live with us – she herself told me not to take my exes money. We were just happy that I didn’t have to pay her anymore.
> ...


If you remain here and listen to us, you too will cringe when you read something like this.


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## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

Rualst said:


> I realize that I have the upper hand. apparently, she is not bluffing which baffles me. She made it clear that either her demands are met or I leave. I am leaning towards leaving. Even if I make my own demands, man up, tell her how it’s going to be from now on .... it’s just not going to work with this woman. Maybe I am wrong, but she seems to be standing firm and she is tough as nails. I will always feel like her dog, like I am a child in her eyes. maybe I keep making excuses, saying that my son will be fine with his mother anyway, and because he doesn’t really know what’s going on and he will be in good hands with his mother, that in just a few short years he will be 18 and going on with his life while I could’ve had my daughter in her home with mom and dad and she will be happy. But mentally, I will always know that I didn’t stand up for my son and leave this woman, I will always have that guilt. but by me leaving this woman, means that my new baby will grow up without mom and dad together. Maybe Later in life, my daughter will blame me for her mother being deported. I’ll feel bad for my daughter, but if I stay – it’s just wrong, I know it’s wrong. And even with marriage counseling, I don’t think she will be that sweet woman I remember. Nothing I do will ever be good enough, I will be criticized constantly, not taken seriously, and I can’t see it being a happily ever after like she does if she gets her way. I should at least stay seperated while going to marriage counseling so I can say I tried.
> I have a problem making up my mind, and I worry too much about other peoples opinions. That’s my problem, is this need to hear what other people think I should do. I just keep repeating myself and I know it’s annoying. I just keep thinking about my poor baby girl who has no idea whats going on.


Ask yourself: do you want to feel like your wife's "dog" or "child" the rest of your life? I don't feel you do because you are so torn in making a decision. Normal to hesitate and think it through. You say your teenager won't find out how his stepmother feels towards him. He will eventually. These things that we as parents try to hide come out someday. Think what an impact that will have on him. Yes; it will feel like to him that you chose your wife; a wife you don't have a very good relationship with; over him. You are in a very tough situation right now. All of us as parents worry about our children when considering or going through a divorce. It is the absolute worst thing to know if you go ahead that there will not be the Mom and Dad picture perfect family and home they will grow up in. At times it is so much better than the current home situation. Really look at what kind of home life your baby has now. How her Mom is treating her Dad. Your baby will be fine if you leave because you are going to be the best Dad you can be and be there for her. Your wife needs to grow the hell up. I would strongly suggest you put her in her place when needing to discuss child issues with your ex. She sounds like a very immature jealous teenager herself. Especially if you stay that would be one hard boundary in place-no more of that ****! I hope you are getting some legal help with all of this. A very hard decision here. I hope you can find a way not to compromise yourself of your son.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

So I need to just shut up and go with my gut, you’re saying.. I get it. I have anxiety issues and can ramble on. I’m trying to relax, just a little too much coffee today.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Your wife is a real ass. She is a petulant child. She is really selfish and acting like a absolute jerk. 

You know it. I know it. All the readers here know it. 

If you accede to any of her demands now you will suffer ten fold more latter on. Do you think getting you to force your son out of the house now this behavior will stop later on? 

Are you willing to accept her using your own children , biological with her and not as a weapon against you? When will that ever end? 

It will not end. Give her a finger, she takes an arm, etc. Stop it now. 

Call her bluff. Lawyer up. Demand marriage counseling. She refuses to grow up and listen then leave her. Keep your child here no matter what. Your child is better off being raised by you than a venomous selfish person who would stoop so low as to break up a father from his son. Among other things.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

you’re right Brooklyn, I know it. I already left with my son, we are staying at my mothers. I don’t really want my son around her anyway, so the marriage counseling will have to happen while we are still separated. And she has already agreed to marriage counseling. I have been gone almost a week now, and I really have to do the right thing and let my sons mother know that he is not where she thinks he is. she has a right to know. My ex will probably want him to stay with her, at least while I deal with this mess, which I don’t mind - she’s a good mother and works well with me when it comes to our child.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Rualst said:


> you’re right Brooklyn, I know it. I already left with my son, we are staying at my mothers. I don’t really want my son around her anyway, so the marriage counseling will have to happen while we are still separated. And she has already agreed to marriage counseling. I have been gone almost a week now, and I really have to do the right thing and let my sons mother know that he is not where she thinks he is. she has a right to know. My ex will probably want him to stay with her, at least while I deal with this mess, which I don’t mind - she’s a good mother and works well with me when it comes to our child.


Sounds like your ex is a well balanced adult and a reasonable person to co parent with. As you are. Your present wife could learn from her. I wish you the best.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Who's the other man? Because there is one.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Rualst said:


> So I need to just shut up and go with my gut, you’re saying.. I get it. I have anxiety issues and can ramble on. I’m trying to relax, just a little too much coffee today.


I realize my response was harsh. But, I wanted you to internalize it.

Confident men don't mansplain.

You're either ok with something or you're not. Men with a plan know their next step.

But, the first step is loving yourself enough to decide what to do without endless second-guessing and drama.

She is feeding off your internal weaknesses to steamroll you out of your own house and out of your own family.

DO NOT get angry and try to explain to her what she is doing.

Stand up to her and stop it.

"I'm not ok with my son living elsewhere" (She cannot argue that you "are" ok with something you're not ok with)

"I'm not ok with this treatment".... as you CALMLY walk away from her and out of the room.

So many guys think that standing up to a bully requires anger. Actually, the exact opposite is true. It requires dead calm and full emotional control.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

So... like an ass, I started popping in the house (invited) a couple weeks ago. 1/2 because I miss her and being around the baby more, and 1/2 because we both wanted to screw. What can I say, I’m an ass.
She back peddled on what she did/said. said she missed me like crazy, she was scared... did have tears pouring...and yea - we were screwing like rabbits later. I know it’s very childish to be letting my guard down and getting laid, I feel like a piece of *, but I was really missing her, and do love her. Love her, and hate her at the same time. guess I am a little weak. I was only going late at night, after my son was in bed for the night at my mother’s house 3 minutes away. (My son is taking this all good, doesn’t have a care in the world, and loves chilling at grandmas house. My ex wife knows, and we’re do 50/50, 1 week with me, 1 with her for now).
anyway, after a few visits, I could see that my wife was trying to shoehorn me back there, without really asking about my son. She had an expectation that I would just start coming home every day after work, like nothing ever happened and we were back together..? I did it to myself, I know.
I stayed away for a few days, then forced her to sit with me and my son and we spent an hour discussing things. I just missed having my new baby every day, and basically said thay we need to fix this and not tear apart this family. She opened up a lot more that usual, spilling a lot of stuff that she keeps inside. I’ll admit, she made me realize some of my mistakes - as well as how I handle my son - even though nothing can excuse her demanding he leave like that.
about 2 weeks ago, me and my son went back. I gave up my pride, I just wanted to keep this family together.

Soo...put in your laughing hats....
Soon after returning, my wife started bugging me about making my son residing with us legally. He still legally resides with my ex wife. I never actually got residential custody, but me and my ex would never play games. My son can come and go liberally. 
I started getting on my ex about finally making it legal - especially because we have social services stuff to do. She was ok at first, we were gonna file a consent order, then she started to stall... had some bs conserns... I told her that I need to do it, even if I have to file a motion in court. Gave her a few days to make up her mind. At the end of the few days, my wife asked me what was going on with that. I told her my ex had concerns, and that I gave her a few days to agree or we’re going to court. She got all pissed that I’m not flying to court right away - basically I’m being too nice to my ex according to her. She flips out about me “dragging my feet” making my son legal in the home. She does have a point, my son came 18 months ago - I should have done this a long time ago.
I tried to get her to relax, and told her that I am handling it. She also was pissed that I stopped at my ex’s house to shiw her the consent order I made up. She is just convinced that I have a thing for my ex.
That night (last tuesday), she slept on the couch. The next morning, 5:00 I’m leaving for work. she tells me to have my “princess”(ex wife) pick up my son from school, because he’s not coming back here. I mumbled shut up to her, and left. I was feeling so stupid, and pissed off at the same time.
Later that day, I called my son at school during his lunch - told him to call me if there was a problem when he got home, because she was off that day and would be there. He told me “Oh yea, she already told me not to come home, and that she told you that too”...

Are you freaking kidding me?? Is she mental? Who could say that to an innocent kid. I was tempted to have him say something to his guidence counselor about his step mom not letting him come home... They would probably call CPS.
So that day (wed) I didn’t go home. so because I didn’t go home, and told her that I’m leaving - she changed the locks wed night and said, when I called her, that I have to wait for her to get home from work thursday to get my stuff. I stay calm and just say OK. I don’t bother to tell her legal stuff.
Unbelievable, but I only have myself to blame. fool me once....

I bring someone with me to get my stuff, incase she starts. She was actually very calm, stayed out of my way. maybe because I had someone with me. maybe changed the locks so she has to be there to talk, aka suck me back in. 
I spoke to her briefly - she seemed curious as to why I’m takling “ALL my things”. She’s cluelesss! Could she actually think it’s just another ‘break’...?
I just rolled my eyes, told her “really? it’s over”.
I guess she wants to be the victim, be able to say I just left. Or she hopes I’ll calm down and come on back. 
No way I’ll bring my son back there now, and she knows it. 
Today I saw her breifly, she was quiet and polite.

I’m know that I’m gonna get beaten up over this from some of youz. I deserve it.
Such a sucker.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

DNA the baby.

Sucker.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Rualst....as tater says "you can't fix stupid" its time to move on and get your sanity back...your not a yo-yo and neither is your son. Enough is enough.


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## Rualst (Jun 28, 2015)

Oh, the baby is mine - no doubt about that.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Rualst said:


> Oh, the baby is mine - no doubt about that.


Cool.

A paternity test should prove it.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Stay with the plan.

Hope she didn't get knocked up while you were banging her.

If she did denie paternaty until the baby is dna tested as yours.


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## username77 (Dec 27, 2017)

If you have no kids with her get you and your son away from the crazy ***** before you get locked up for years on BS charges.

The mantra "never leave the home", really only matters if there's a potential custody fight.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

God, what is going on with today's men (are they really?)


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## Pantone429c (Feb 8, 2018)

So you divorce one wife in 2015 because she is cheating...Then you meet and marryanother woman and she wants you gone and gose so far as to call the police and this happens over a time span of less than 3 years. 

Have you considered that it is you than needs counseling?


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Apparently you really love complicating your life. You better hope she didn't "forget" her pills during that time (if she's still on them) or else you'll have added another child to this mess. 

She doesn't want your son. Repeat. Doesn't.Want.Your.Son. Accept that. And try to keep your pants zipped this time. Women know throwing sex at a man is generally a good way to make him do what you want. Don't be that stupid this time -- because she's not done. She's stronger and tougher than you and she knows it.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Rualst said:


> So... like an ass, I started popping in the house (invited) a couple weeks ago. 1/2 because I miss her and being around the baby more, and 1/2 because we both wanted to screw. What can I say, I’m an ass.
> She back peddled on what she did/said. said she missed me like crazy, she was scared... did have tears pouring...and yea - we were screwing like rabbits later. I know it’s very childish to be letting my guard down and getting laid, I feel like a piece of *, but I was really missing her, and do love her. Love her, and hate her at the same time. guess I am a little weak. I was only going late at night, after my son was in bed for the night at my mother’s house 3 minutes away. (My son is taking this all good, doesn’t have a care in the world, and loves chilling at grandmas house. My ex wife knows, and we’re do 50/50, 1 week with me, 1 with her for now).
> anyway, after a few visits, I could see that my wife was trying to shoehorn me back there, without really asking about my son. She had an expectation that I would just start coming home every day after work, like nothing ever happened and we were back together..? I did it to myself, I know.
> I stayed away for a few days, then forced her to sit with me and my son and we spent an hour discussing things. I just missed having my new baby every day, and basically said thay we need to fix this and not tear apart this family. She opened up a lot more that usual, spilling a lot of stuff that she keeps inside. I’ll admit, she made me realize some of my mistakes - as well as how I handle my son - even though nothing can excuse her demanding he leave like that.
> ...


What is it that you want?

Your current course will get you quite a bit of headache, anxiety, and poverty - and little else.


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