# Vacation without spouse



## JulietteB (Jan 15, 2013)

Hello everyone! My husband and I have been married for a little bit over a year now and other than working whole day from Monday to Friday, we've spent most of the time together. We've never taken a long vacation separately except for the time we were not yet married when he went to another country for 2 weeks since he had the opportunity to go (half the expense for the ticket). I had no problems with that since I trust him and I wanted him to enjoy and take a break from working so hard. Absence does make the heart grow fonder even though sometimes the absence part makes you feel lonely. We go out from time to time but not a long week vacation. This year, he's planning on going to Japan for 2 weeks since he knows somebody there that can provide him free lodging. I would like go with him because I've been dreaming of going there my whole life but I can't because of my work schedule. As much as I would like to be happy for him and be supportive to take that opportunity, I find it hard because there's that feeling of envy. I want to have memories with him there but seeing him wanting to go even without me made me feel a bit sad and now I'm confused as to what I feel regarding him leaving to another country without me. How should I approach this? Is it wrong of me to feel that way? I wanted to know how other couples would handle this situation and if I should be seeing things in another point of view. Every reply helps! Thank you for your time.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Is this trip for fun? If it is, I would ask him if he wouldn't mind postponing it and maybe doing something else.

I'm not one to impose my will onto my spouse. I'm not possesive and I don't make attempts to restrict his freedom. He's a free man to do what he wants to do in my eyes. That said, if he KNEW I really wanted to do something with him but could not, he wouldn't do it.


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Why not make a suggestion that you both save up enough to make the trip and discover Japan together?


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

The only way I would go in that situation is if you were clear you were prioritizing work and it wasn't likely to free up anytime soon.

Can you save up some vacation time and go with him a few months later?


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## Hope4thebest (Nov 28, 2012)

I know this has been a bone of contintion in my relationship.. My So would go through the roof... Her opinion is you should never want to take such a trip without her.. Sounds like you are feeling that way as well.. And in this instance I can see how you may feel that way.. I do however do not see the harm in small trips away from eachother... and small weekend or mid-week trips should be encouraged.. Especially if it has no significant impact on your fianaces.. 

I think I would just sit down and discuss this with him.. Tell him how you feel and that you want to go... Maybe there is a chance you all could go another point in time..


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## JulietteB (Jan 15, 2013)

Yes, it's not a business trip. I was actually thinking that same thing, to just wait and save until we both can go. Although if the opportunity is already there, I feel like I'm selfish if he doesn't go because I can't and I don't want that.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Last year, I had accumulated 4 weeks of vacation more than my wife, and I had to use them or lose them.

I used rewards miles for the flight and went for a week to visit a friend. She was mildly jealous, but understanding. Unless his going now implies that you won't be able to go together later when you're free, buck up.

Or you might consider going yourself if possible now. No one lying on their death bed ever uttered the phrase "I wish I had put in more time at work".


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

Hope4thebest said:


> I know this has been a bone of contintion in my relationship.. My So would go through the roof... Her opinion is you should never want to take such a trip without her.. Sounds like you are feeling that way as well.. And in this instance I can see how you may feel that way.. I do however do not see the harm in small trips away from eachother... and small weekend or mid-week trips should be encouraged.. Especially if it has no significant impact on your fianaces..
> 
> I think I would just sit down and discuss this with him.. Tell him how you feel and that you want to go... Maybe there is a chance you all could go another point in time..


Been a point of contention in my relationship, as well (mostly from me, ha), but just because I love to travel more than my B/F does and I really want to see the world before I die. But I don't see the harm either in small weekend/mid week trips to somewhere close by. I do it all the time; my brother and my father don't live close by so I go a few times a year to see them for 3-4 days, without my SO.

Juliette, does he have more vacation time saved up than you? Is there a chance you can go with him later, as others have mentioned?

And why wouldn't the opportunity be there later on, when you both can go? Is this person who's going to be providing free lodging, only going to be able to do so, at the time your hubby is supposed to go?


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

My wife has taken mini getaways without me for the past couple of years. The first year it made me a bit sad but she was going with her best friend but her friend cancelled. I thought "she'll ask me to go" but it was not to be. She said she needed some alone time.

Same thing happened last summer and I felt like crap while she was gone. She always goes to a place that we have always gone to as a family and it is one of our favorite destinations.

I told her this year I am going with her flat out. I think it is ok every once and awhile but after a couple of straight summers I do not believe it to be healthy at all.


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