# Flower girl dress



## BecauseICan (Jan 21, 2019)

I've been separated for a year. I have custody of the kids, he sees them on weekends. He pays me child suppirt There's an upcoming wedding on his side and they want my daughter to be the flower girl. Who should pay for the dress and anything else she will need to be a part of the wedding?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

BecauseICan said:


> I've been separated for a year. I have custody of the kids, he sees them on weekends. He pays me child suppirt There's an upcoming wedding on his side and they want my daughter to be the flower girl. Who should pay for the dress and anything else she will need to be a part of the wedding?


That depends...Do you want to come off as a jerk?
I'd think the price of the dress is worth the respect you earn for buying it.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

When I was a small girl, they bride used to pay for everything. Nowadays, they don't. So, you will have to buy the dress, shoes etc for her. Since, it's his family, ask if he can pay for her outfit.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Suggest that he take his daughter dress shopping. Since he is involved with the wedding, he would know what kind of dress would be appropriate. That would make it very natural for him to pay for the dress. 

Is the dress going to be custom? That could make it an abnormally expensive, plus it would be a one-time use.

If he wants you to pay, maybe suggest 50/50. If he balks at that, I say just pay it since he's revealing himself to be a loser. Plus, you don't want your daughter to feel like she's caught in the middle or the source of a fight.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

If it's not within your budget, or you'd feel resentful, then I wouldn't even take it on (mentally, emotionally, financially, etc.)

When he made this request, he should've offered to pay or communicated his thoughts about the financial side of it, but if he left it up in the air, then assume he's dealing with it. 

Don't bring it up.

I don't know how old your daughter is, but if she asks, simply tell her she'll need to talk to her dad. If your ex brings it up, be honest - but reserved.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm a bit nervous on this one. I haven't had to deal with a wedding in 30 years. My two kids that married took care of their own arrangements. I'm very out of date.

I understand that parents are responsible to buy the dress. When it comes to special expenses I don't see a pattern or custom that divided couples take. Sometimes one parent will say, "this is important to you, you pay it." Others will just ignore the upcoming cost until the other co-parent just pays so it happens. Some agree in advance to split the cost. 

In your case the dress will probably be worn for the wedding (his side) and easter (weekend so his, or do you split holidays?) any way if it for his 2 events then you have good grounds not to contribute. If you want to plan it for your easter with her a even split makes sense. 

One other thing, if the Bride has foolishly selected a minidress that is going to cost more than $50, then she gets to pay for it. Or at least cover the excess. 

Historical note: 30+ years ago I paid the tux rental for my party, and Ties for the Fathers, and flowers. Apparently this is no longer the way things are done.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

HE needs to cover that expense.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

His side of the family, his responsibility.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

BecauseICan said:


> I've been separated for a year. I have custody of the kids, he sees them on weekends. He pays me child suppirt There's an upcoming wedding on his side and they want my daughter to be the flower girl. Who should pay for the dress and anything else she will need to be a part of the wedding?


Normally the child's parents cover everything that the child needs for the wedding.

When parents are divorce, child support goes towards the day to day expenses for raising a child: food, clothing, a roof over their heads, gas for the car to drive them around, etc.

Extra things are shared by the parents with each paying a percentage equal to their percentage of joint income.

Lets say that you earn $45K and your ex $55K. So you would pay 45% of the dress and he 55%.

Since the wedding is on his side of the family, you might be able to say that he has to pay all of it. But, if there is anything in your family, he's going to tell you that you have to pay it.

Are you going to the wedding too?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

His side of family ..... his cost. Easy as that.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Is the dress expensive enough relative to your financial situation to be a noticeable hardship, or is the idea of the thing that is the issue?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Mr.Married said:


> His side of family ..... his cost. Easy as that.


Yep. Not sure why this is even in question.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

3Xnocharm said:


> Yep. Not sure why this is even in question.


I agree, but I think if this becomes a pissing match, I wouldn't necessarily choose this hill to die on (if you'll pardon the mixed metaphors).

My daughter when a young girl was a flower girl in her uncle's wedding, and was so, so thrilled. It's still a very good memory for her, 20 years later. So maybe from that perspective I'm suggesting giving a little if you have to.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

Rubix Cubed said:


> His side of the family, his responsibility.


Exactly why would you pay for a dress for a wedding you are not part of.


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

GTdad said:


> I agree, but I think if this becomes a pissing match, I wouldn't necessarily choose this hill to die on (if you'll pardon the mixed metaphors).
> 
> My daughter when a young girl was a flower girl in her uncle's wedding, and was so, so thrilled. It's still a very good memory for her, 20 years later. So maybe from that perspective I'm suggesting giving a little if you have to.


I’m not sure why it would be a pissing match. It’s his event so he needs to make sure he gets whatever she needs. Now I would not have a problem with asking mom to get her ready and do her hair or whatever.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> That depends...Do you want to come off as a jerk?
> I'd think the price of the dress is worth the respect you earn for buying it.


I respectfully completely disagree.

If it's for HIS side of the family, then it's HIS duty to pay for the dress and anything else she needs. 

If the wedding were for MY family, it wouldn't even enter my realm of thinking to ask him to pay for it. I would.


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