# Did anyone consider no relationship in life?



## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

In reading the thread about what you expected from marriage, a few, including me, just kinda went with the flow because it seemed like the normal thing to do. 

Even though a relationship in life is optional, do very many even consider the option, or does everyone automatically assume they will have a long term relationship simply because that's just how everyone else does and it seems normal. 

I wonder if anyone ever asks early in life, "Gee, I wonder if I'm the marrying kind, or do I like freedom too much?" Is it just so against our culture to be unattached that it contributes to our decision? If I had it to do over, and if I knew myself then like I do now, I would have seriously asked myself that question before taking the plunge. 


There is a song out that opens with this lyric in a sarcastic tone 

"If you ain't got two kids by 21
You're probably gonna die alone
At least that's what tradition told you"


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

My old college roommate from the same country did just that. He was a very HD person that pretty much dated (FWB'd) the entire gene pool at the school, and then some. But never once settled to form a relationship. 

The guy moved to the West Coast to be close to a free love commune (Oregon or Washington State) and that was it. All the nookie in the world, no commitment. Retired at 50 and went back, and he'll likely outlive us all.


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## Convection (Apr 20, 2013)

southbound said:


> I wonder if anyone ever asks early in life, "Gee, I wonder if I'm the marrying kind, or do I like freedom too much?"


Ha! I came very close to doing just that. I spent most of my late teens and early 20s skipping between girls. Not because I was a player (I wasn't) but because I rapidly get annoyed with people, girlfriends included, and would look for excuses to break things off. I once dumped a girl because she didn't like the shirt I was wearing out that night. Until my marriage, I had never dated a girl longer than three months. I really started to think I would never get married. About that time was when I met my wife. Go figure.

I've said before that I am probably not an ideal mate for a lot of women. Too stubborn, too independent, too much of a temper. If I had to split it one way or the other, I'd say I'm not really the marrying kind. Still, she's stuck with me for 18 yrs, so I must be doing something right.

If I had it to do over again, I'd marry my wife again. Without her in the picture and our unique chemistry .... eh, I dunno. I enjoyed dating but I liked doing my own thing more.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I never intended to get married. I truly believed I would be single my whole life. My family of origin was a horrible example, I wanted nothing to do with that chaos. Meeting my wonderful husband changed all of that.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

john117 said:


> All the nookie in the world, no commitment.


Yes but what's he really got? Who's there when he's hurting? When he's ill or stressed? Who'll be there when he's old and frail? What if he became impotent?

I was a late wedder, I didn't meet my husband until I was 38, and got married at 40. I just assumed that I'd missed that boat and I'd be single forever. 

The thought of that sucked.


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## Diesel_Bomber (Mar 17, 2013)

After my first marriage failed I had no problem never getting into another relationship. She took my kid, most of my life savings, 2 of my trucks, and now I get to pay another 14 years of child support. We were married a little over a year. If you're a woman no sweat if it doesn't work out, if you're a guy, you're playing with a loaded weapon, everything you worked your butt off for, gone like that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

frusdil said:


> Yes but what's he really got? Who's there when he's hurting? When he's ill or stressed? Who'll be there when he's old and frail? What if he became impotent?


He went back with enough money to last him a lifetime. He can afford to be ill or stressed. He was always healthy, never cared for anything, and if he hasn't worn it out by now he probably will pretty soon :scratchhead:

The six figures my kids' college will cost us could have bought me and my wife matching, ummm, Lamborghini's? Maybe just a Maserati for me, I was never the show off type...

Seriously, the biggest reward is children, not the relationship itself. If I knew I will get the kids I got, I'd marry Kim Jung Un's kid sister. I'm not worried about the alone part or the ill part, but more the 'what did you leave for the next generation' part.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

frusdil said:


> Yes but what's he really got? Who's there when he's hurting? When he's ill or stressed? Who'll be there when he's old and frail? What if he became impotent?
> 
> I was a late wedder, I didn't meet my husband until I was 38, and got married at 40. I just assumed that I'd missed that boat and I'd be single forever.
> 
> The thought of that sucked.


There are no guarantees you will get that in marriage either.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Our oldest son truly desires to get married and do the whole family thing... but he is very choosy ... he has said to me a few times, if he doesn't meet that special woman, he would be Happy alone too... 

My husband was very similar to him.. even though deep inside he was such a Romantic... had lots to give.... he's said a number of times had we not met, he may never have married... so it wasn't a matter of just finding a so -so woman & doing what everyone else is doing...it had to be fireworks and compatibility...or nothing.

A lot of free Lovin' Nookie/ no strings attached posts here....pretty sure Southbound isn't the type to be picking them up at a Bar & bringing them home to bang....he is far more conservative minded, being a church goer & all....

For those who enjoy casual sex & variety under the sheets... it makes sense such men see little incentive to settle down ....when such a lifestyle gives them all the sex they want...and freedom to boot... It helps if they don't get anyone pregnant though.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

john117 said:


> The guy moved to the West Coast to be close to a free love commune (Oregon or Washington State) and that was it. All the nookie in the world, no commitment. Retired at 50 and went back, *and he'll likely outlive us all*.


:rofl:

I never considered "no relationships" ever but I will say I always wondered if I would get married--it seemed like something I wanted to do "just once." LOL. Lo and behold I met my exH. It was a shock to a lot of people that I married. We were together many years and divorced. I loved him dearly.

Moving forward though, I never want to marry again. As far as meeting someone and having a long relationship--yes, I would be into that. But marriage, nope. Has zero appeal to me.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

frusdil said:


> Yes but what's he really got? Who's there when he's hurting? When he's ill or stressed? Who'll be there when he's old and frail? What if he became impotent?


One size doesn't fit all. Some people truly do not want to marry. Or have children. Or do any of the "traditional" stuff you are "supposed" to do. And there is noting wrong with that. If we were all the same, life sure would be boring.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

john117 said:


> The six figures my kids' college will cost us could have bought me and my wife matching, ummm, Lamborghini's? Maybe just a Maserati for me, I was never the show off type...
> 
> .


Who said you were obligated to pay for their college?

:scratchhead:


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

SA, I think your oldest son has the right idea.

Mejor solito que mal acompanado. That's Spanish for Better to be alone than in bad company.

Southbound, don't settle. Either find someone you feel really good with, and who shares your values, or just be single.

You read the stories here on TAM. Do you want to deal with all this heartache in your own life? 

So many people have said they married the wrong person. One man even said he dated a girl for a few years but never had any deep conversations with her! 

Never any deep conversations? In a 2-3 year period? Amazing.

Please follow the way of SA's son. Be choosy. Take your time. Really get to know a woman's heart. 

For sure, _look beyond the packaging._ I am sure you already realize that, but I cannot believe all the men who make that mistake. That is one of the biggest pieces of advice I am giving my sons from all the reading I have done here.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I still don't think I'm meant for marriage. I'm just doing the best I can with it bc I love Dh so much.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I never considered it. It is extremely important for me to have someone close/special in my life.

Me with no companionship = mess


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

DoF said:


> I never considered it. It is extremely important for me to have someone close/special in my life.
> 
> Me with no companionship = mess


Well, I think I needed dh, too. He certainly stabilized my life and made it better.

DoF, I don't know what brought you here, but make sure you are with the right person if you are in a position to choose right now. So many people here say compatibility makes all the difference.

And for sure, _look beyond the packaging._


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> *I still don't think I'm meant for marriage.* I'm just doing the best I can with it bc I love Dh so much.


This gave me a chuckle, Scarlet. 



DoF said:


> Who said you were obligated to pay for their college?
> 
> :scratchhead:


Right?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Prior to second husband I felt I would DIE if I didn't have a close man in my life married or not. My second husband has fixed that problem. Now, I can see myself alone and be ok with it which brings some health with it for me since I tend to lose myself to the person I am with. If second husband and I don't make it ... not sure I will go down this road again. 

Good thing is I have a MUCH healthier perspective on what I would accept and not accept and have the skills to say so.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

DoF said:


> I never considered it.* It is extremely important for me to have someone close/special in my life.
> 
> Me with no companionship = mess*


This was ME, from the time I was watching cartoons, I was a romantic...the "dance" between the sexes ..just something about it... everything I watched on tv...if it didn't have a romantic plot, I would think it sucked....and I dreamed of "*the one*".. . I had other things in my life that wasn't always so great, but this was the ONE thing I held on to for my future... 

I wanted to find a GOOD man who wanted a family ..and all the chaos & joys that come with it, family vacations / camping /country walks....we didn't need a whole lot of $$ but a whole lot of love & togetherness...

I THRIVE having someone to hold at night, run to with all of my cares, tell my funny stories to, so we can laugh together, someone to dance with... dote on....a shoulder to cry on....someone to wake up to every morning... and that didn't even touch on the







....this is heaven on earth...

And I know Southbound finds me half obnoxious because I am the type when I see someone single, I think to myself "I feel so bad for them... they must be lonely, I need to fix them up!"... was always playing "Merry Matchmaker" to my friends, almost worked a couple times!... I think I was more excited than those I was hooking up ! There was a couple off shoots from my matchmaking though.. 

I now KNOW not everyone feels this way, so I should not assume...though it will always seem foreign from my end...so I will just accept that some really enjoy being alone, and don't care for the hassle of a romantic relationship.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> A lot of free Lovin' Nookie/ no strings attached posts here....pretty sure Southbound isn't the type to be picking them up at a Bar & bringing them home to bang....he is far more conservative minded, being a church goer & all...


You seem to know me well.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

I would not fare well as an unattached single. Not really a bar hopping no strings attached kind of guy. Probably why I attracted the one who wanted to settle down but not have a lot of sex type. Go figure.

_Posted via *Topify* on Android_


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## coffee4me (Feb 6, 2013)

I always envisioned myself married with 2 kids. Now that the vision is all said and done. I no longer have that vision. I'm not even sure I'm tolerant enough to ever live with someone again. 

My son perhaps is one that is not into a relationship. When he was 12 a couple who just got married walked into the elevator we were in, When they got off he said. "They are deluded". Ummm... Ok. At 16 he has plenty of girl friends but no girlfriend. Takes a different girl to every dance. Be interesting to see if some woman snags him someday.


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## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

If I only know half the things I know now! No, I would have skipped the whole relationship boat!

1 horribly failed marriage. Married for all the wrong reasons. Young and dumb and full of lust. What a waste.

Now that I'm 16 years into my second, there is no way I would ever consider another. If she and I call it quits, then I'm done. I know myself well and have no problem being alone. 

There is an old saying about a snowballs chance in hell, well that applies to anymore marriages for me.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

SimplyAmorous said:


> This was ME, from the time I was watching cartoons, I was a romantic...the "dance" between the sexes ..just something about it... everything I watched on tv...if it didn't have a romantic plot, I would think it sucked....and I dreamed of "*the one*".. . I had other things in my life that wasn't always so great, but this was the ONE thing I held on to for my future...
> *
> I wanted to find a GOOD man who wanted a family ..and all the chaos & joys that come with it, family vacations / camping /country walks....we didn't need a whole lot of $$ but a whole lot of love & togetherness...*
> 
> ...


Sure wish I had met a woman like you instead of my x


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Yes, I did.

I really thought I was doomed to die 'unloved' and be the favourite bachelor Uncle to all my Nephews and Nieces. I had decided that there was something wrong with me and decided to work on improving my mind and body, then one day in my late 20's I met Mrs Wysh and 'KABOOM' that's all she wrote.


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