# Ok its not what you think.



## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

So I am doing great I am not here to ***** really I am good. The thing is now I really need your advice. So Now that I am good and moved on summer is approuching us I am pretty sure I spelled that wrong ANYWAYS so my husbands ex best friend of the girl that this all went down with is coming around cause well they play softball together. and he wants to hang out more and more. what should I do? should we hang out with these people again and forgive and forget? or do it from the distance? HELLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPP MEEEEE..................................


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

You want my opinion? Ok, NO DRINKING!


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

LOl good one! I know what you are saying and well I agree! when we are with them no drinking and not leaving eachother out of our SIGHT! and I think that we will be ok. I just have to have some confidence that he loves me and doesnt want her and not get crazy thoughts in my head!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

It sounds as if you will be inviting unneeded drama into your life if you hang out with her again. They all might be fine with it but if it's going to make your head spin and bring you back to all the bad thoughts, I would not sign up for that deal...once was enough, eh?


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## breakable (Nov 13, 2009)

swedish said:


> It sounds as if you will be inviting unneeded drama into your life if you hang out with her again. They all might be fine with it but if it's going to make your head spin and bring you back to all the bad thoughts, I would not sign up for that deal...once was enough, eh?


:iagree:


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I agree Swedish I do. I think that I am for sure good where we are with them so far away! and the way she has been has left a really bad tast in my mouth I am so done with her. But I know that My husband misses hanging out with him


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

I mean I have went out of my way at some points to be nice talk say congrats on her baby giving cloths to her little girl and I get NOTHING. not a thank you NOTHING. so I am really just done with her but I know that he misses hanging out with him. And its like ok if you guys can put things aside for each other and still be friends after my strip poker his kiss then fine. but as for me and her I will bItC* slap her lmao!


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I'd feel more like you than your h...I don't think I could hang out with them again after all that has transpired....what does this mean as far as softball? Can he just be involved with that and keep away from her or does she go to the games, all hang out afterward, etc. ?

Just make sure you are open with your husband about how you feel and that you do not want your marriage progress to backslide.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Ya I know with softball I got soooo mad cause my husband come home from a game that me and my girls didnt go to cause it was a later game. And tell me that he felt bad for them because they were sitting alone and knobody really talked to them, I lost it. I know its stupid and I shouldnt care that he felt bad but its like dont feel bad for them they are *******s. The softball thing will be hard cause this year my husbnd and her husband and more chatty and buddy with each other so I am sure they will want to do things after the game. He is also starting to stop by our house when he sees my husband outside ughhhhh. I really dont want to see her. I just know when I do it will be that FAKE niceness. I hate that.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

You are giving her the upper hand in your marriage by allowing her to control your thoughts. Granted, I would be uncomfortable too, but you have to find a way around things. You don't want your H hanging out with her ( understandably) so make a rule that if they want to do something after the game and you can't make it to the game, that he comes to get you directly after and that you all go together.


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## Keely (Apr 25, 2010)

The two husbands want to continue their friendship, as they obviously have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company.

You don't want the other wife anywhere near you or your husband. It is not going to be easy to avoid.

You and her need to do a lot of talking together over a few weeks to come to a proper understanding, without shouting at each other, because your husband will not be able to avoid saying "hello" to the other wife from time-to-time when he visits his mate.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Why?
Why put yourself in that position. If the guys want to be friends, let them.....she is not your friend and don't ever think she is.....
You don't need anymore added stress when you think about that situation......it's tiring keeping a watch on your husband while she is around why would you do that if you don't need to......
I'm sure your husband will understand why you can't .......


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## toolate (Sep 22, 2009)

Dont go there... you have been there and done that and it didnt work. It wont work again! Why would this husband want to be friends with the man that his wife was with? 

Find another softball league, not team in the same league... league! Or dont play at all....

These paths should never cross again under any circumstances.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

DawnD said:


> You are giving her the upper hand in your marriage by allowing her to control your thoughts. Granted, I would be uncomfortable too, but you have to find a way around things. You don't want your H hanging out with her ( understandably) so make a rule that if they want to do something after the game and you can't make it to the game, that he comes to get you directly after and that you all go together.




You are right I am giving her the upper hand in everything not just my marriage but my emotions as well. I think that my husband knows how I feel about it all and I think that if she tried to say anyting neg. that he would tell her were and how to shove it. I think that he would also do the same with her H. I am so scared and unsure why I am scared to see her at the games maybe its because I am so mad I dont know but by me hiding I think that gives her the upper hand also.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

Keely said:


> The two husbands want to continue their friendship, as they obviously have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company.
> 
> You don't want the other wife anywhere near you or your husband. It is not going to be easy to avoid.
> 
> You and her need to do a lot of talking together over a few weeks to come to a proper understanding, without shouting at each other, because your husband will not be able to avoid saying "hello" to the other wife from time-to-time when he visits his mate.



I know what you are saying and I wish it were that easy. I tried to talk with her to even just break the ice to somehow get into the conversation of things to be at a breaking point or LEVEL GROUND with each other but its just not working she is dead about things and well her acting this way is just making me be resentfull because its not my problem and she mad it be ME. when it wasnt me??? and I dont want that in my life and she doesnt want me in hers!


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

jessi said:


> Why?
> Why put yourself in that position. If the guys want to be friends, let them.....she is not your friend and don't ever think she is.....
> You don't need anymore added stress when you think about that situation......it's tiring keeping a watch on your husband while she is around why would you do that if you don't need to......
> I'm sure your husband will understand why you can't .......


AWESOME point.!!!! I agree If they want to be friends fine but dont plan on me coming and having a BBQ not happening and I will NOT be fooled by her being my friend EVER again that bridge was burned and cant be re-built. DONE.... They will have to find things to do with them I dont want him even at the house with those two I sound like his mom I know this but really she is a beast.


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## sunflower (Dec 15, 2008)

toolate said:


> Dont go there... you have been there and done that and it didnt work. It wont work again! Why would this husband want to be friends with the man that his wife was with?
> 
> Find another softball league, not team in the same league... league! Or dont play at all....
> 
> These paths should never cross again under any circumstances.



I Know and I wont go there with her lol she is out of my life. I would be a adult and civil with her thats it. I wont be fake nice either I will be me. but she will know NOTHING about me!


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