# Women - what's your sex drive like?



## EleGirl

Only want women to answer the poll.

Answer what you would like for the frequency of sex, not how much you may or may not being it at this time.

If you are man, please do not answer the poll. But of course you are free to post.


----------



## Middle of Everything

This is going to be one of those threads that makes most of us TAM guys jealous isnt it?


----------



## EleGirl

Middle of Everything said:


> This is going to be one of those threads that makes most of us TAM guys jealous isnt it?


I guess we'll just have to wait and see.


----------



## Middle of Everything

EleGirl said:


> I guess we'll just have to wait and see.


3 votes in it sure is looking that way. Good god where do you horny women come from? :scratchhead:


----------



## Holland

I am a daily kind of woman. Getting it now but in my past marriage, well I can't be bothered saying but was very sexless due to an emotionally stunted husband.


----------



## EleGirl

Middle of Everything said:


> 3 votes in it sure is looking that way. Good god where do you horny women come from? :scratchhead:


Apparently a lot of horny women end up with the same fate as a lot of horny men.... a spouse who does not want sex. It's like the marriage gods have a very sick sense of humor.


----------



## EleGirl

Holland said:


> I am a daily kind of woman. Getting it now but in my past marriage, well I can't be bothered saying but was very sexless due to an emotionally stunted husband.


Yep, been there, done that with an ex.


----------



## soccermom2three

I voted 3-5 times a week. IRL, it averages about 2 times a week. My husband isn't home every day though, he works 24 hour shifts 2-3 days a week.


----------



## Holland

EleGirl said:


> Apparently a lot of horny women end up with the same fate as a lot of horny men.... a spouse who does not want sex. *It's like the marriage gods have a very sick sense of humor.*


Truly is one of the mysteries of life. But life after getting out of a sexless marriage is pure gold.


----------



## CardReader

My preference is everyday. Reality is 5 times a week for me and at the least one orgasm a day for my husband (oral in addition to sex). He gets more than me but I'm okay with that for the moment.


----------



## Kresaera

I want it at least 4-6 times per week. It doesn't always happen that way, but it would be awesome!


----------



## 1971

At 43 I'm horny all the time so my answer is *daily* but if you asked me the last time I had sex or the last time my husband kissed me the answer would be a long long time ago.

.


----------



## Faithful Wife

My sex drive has always been high. It is finally slowing down a bit but in a perfect world I would still go for it at least once per day. But that doesn't mean the same type of sex everyday. There are lots of types of sex and lots of ways to enjoy intimacy so when I say everyday, I don't necessarily mean getting my brains pounded out every day.

But definitely at least twice per week for pounding. Another two times per week for slow and sensual love making. Two times of maybe mutual oral or mutual masturbation or even one-way oral or masturbation depending on the mood. Plus at least once or twice of some crazy azz circus sex.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

> Answer what you would like for the frequency of sex, not how much you may or may not being it at this time.


Even though we are a little less than this.. I know he'd say the same as me... we'd both choose Daily to 5-6 times a week ....just makes you feel YOUNG & vibrant.. kinda like this...










5 yrs ago I would have answered 3 times a day... that was TOO HIGH, what was wrong with [email protected]#$... Frustrating when he couldn't keep up.. this has so much passed...but I'll never forget this time in our lives...I turned up the heat..... we tried everything, anything to keep the novelty going.... I was pushing his limits!! ...even caused him some performance pressure ...yet he never pushed me away , even told me to put my toys away & come to him.. I don't think I ever felt so loved in that moment.


----------



## that.girl

I would be really curious to see how these numbers relate to our ages. My drive has changed quite a bit over time.


----------



## Moops

I don't think these results represent reality. Women who read forums and threads like these are likely more intrested in sex than the average woman so therefore the results get skewed.

Most normal women do not want sex 3-5 times a week or more.


----------



## T&T

Moops said:


> I don't think these results represent reality. Women who read forums and threads like these are likely more intrested in sex than the average woman so therefore the results get skewed.
> 
> Most normal women do not want sex 3-5 times a week or more.


Possibly, but my wife has never been on a forum and she fits into the 3-5 times a week category. 

Poor thing, I'm injured right now and sex would just about kill me. I looked into her eyes last night and said 'you're horny as hell aren't you?" Her response softly "Yes"

Pulled out the vibes and an hour later she felt fine.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Moops said:


> I don't think these results represent reality. Women who read forums and threads like these are likely more intrested in sex than the average woman so therefore the results get skewed.
> 
> Most normal women do not want sex 3-5 times a week or more.


Only speaking for myself.. I have enjoyed forums for YEARS before I came here.. never entertained a sex forum (I was satisfied)... It WAS my insatiable sex drive /hormonal surge that got me posting HERE.. ...otherwise I think I would have fallen prey to seeking out porn sites... (awful thing to admit , isn't it !)...suddenly I felt like a Testosterone raging young man...

TAM was by far the healthier distraction...I was buying & reading so many books on sex, spicing, & the role of our Hormones -why MINE was surging while he was slowing down (I was thinking "







I missed his best years!").... I felt I could contribute many things here.. it took the edge off...keeping my mind occupied while he was at work.. 

Before that spell I suppose I was average...always loved making love.. but wasn't paramount on the brain.. wasn't thinking about it , planning on jumping him when he walked through the door...

I got a real taste of how MEN FEEL , what they struggle with .....I suddenly had the greatest sympathy for hungry husbands...and realized how I hurt my H in the past, not "getting it". 

Seems an unfair Joke the Gods play on us ...that men are in their sexual Prime in their early 20's...and many of us women don't hit our peak till 20 yrs later !


----------



## happy as a clam

Another "daily" preference here . I come close most weeks, probably 5-6 times, but sometimes life gets in the way of that goal!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## FrenchFry

I'm allllmost 30.

5 times a week is perfect. 6 times if I can be totally selfish one of those days.


----------



## always_alone

Middle of Everything said:


> 3 votes in it sure is looking that way. Good god where do you horny women come from? :scratchhead:


The honest truth? We've been here all along, but completely overlooked by most guys, who seem to be looking for other qualities entirely.

At least IME.


----------



## always_alone

My drive is surging these days, and I could easily go 2x a day. I dream of spending a weekend doing nothing but.

No chance, though, that he could manage that.

In calmer days 5-7 x a week would be plenty.


----------



## Middle of Everything

always_alone said:


> The honest truth? We've been here all along, but completely overlooked by most guys, who seem to be looking for other qualities entirely.
> 
> At least IME.


The more i read on this site, the more i believe what I first learned here. She likely wants sex. Just not with you. Maybe the current non "300 movie" body and lack of six figures contributes to that.


----------



## Justus3

I voted 3-5 times a week but unfortunately it doesnt happen as often as I would like. Our sex life is very situational depending on our everyday life. Sometimes more tired, busier or more stressful then other times. But I keep saying quality over quantity right!


----------



## always_alone

Middle of Everything said:


> The more i read on this site, the more i believe what I first learned here. She likely wants sex. Just not with you. Maybe the current non "300 movie" body and lack of six figures contributes to that.


Two thoughts:
Like men, women's drives vary considerably.

Also, I think you might be way off on the factors that cause the problem. Or you're just chasing the wrong women altogether.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Middle of Everything said:


> The more i read on this site, the more i believe what I first learned here. She likely wants sex. Just not with you. Maybe the current non "300 movie" body and lack of six figures contributes to that.


:lol:

:rofl:

If you are stuck on the "oh she must not want sex because I don't make six figures" part, I can guarantee you that you've swallowed some BS someone fed you.

I've been HD since before anyone I knew even had a job, and it hasn't stopped since.


----------



## Jellybeans

I think about sex all the time.0

It's fun.


----------



## Ikaika

A male - sometimes I just need rest, please.


----------



## happy as a clam

Middle of Everything said:


> The more i read on this site, the more i believe what I first learned here. She likely wants sex. Just not with you.


I agree with this statement. I want sex. But I want it with my SO, not someone else. If he wasn't in the picture, I can tell you I definitely would not be clamoring for daily sex.

I am wildly attracted to him and thinking about him constantly gets me thinking about sex constantly .

I do think a lot of it (most of it, in fact) comes down to chemistry and attraction.


----------



## Holland

Moops said:


> I don't think these results represent reality. Women who read forums and threads like these are likely more intrested in sex than the average woman so therefore the results get skewed.
> 
> *Most normal women do not want sex 3-5 times a week or more.*


OK we get it, you don't like women. But just to get something straight, ALL women of ALL drives are normal, how bloody rude to say that women with high drives are not normal.

And FYI pretty much all of the women in my circle of friends and family have very healthy attitudes to sex and sex drives.

Try looking outside your own head and see the real world.


----------



## EleGirl

Faithful Wife said:


> My sex drive has always been high. It is finally slowing down a bit but in a perfect world I would still go for it at least once per day. But that doesn't mean the same type of sex everyday. There are lots of types of sex and lots of ways to enjoy intimacy so when I say everyday, I don't necessarily mean getting my brains pounded out every day.
> 
> But definitely at least twice per week for pounding. Another two times per week for slow and sensual love making. Two times of maybe mutual oral or mutual masturbation or even one-way oral or masturbation depending on the mood. Plus at least once or twice of some crazy azz circus sex.


:iagree: I could have written this.

It's like desert.. some days I want ice cream, some days chocolate cake, and other days .. well there is such a huge menu to chose from. But I really like desert.


----------



## thefam

I'm going to go back and read this whole thread later.

I voted 3 to 5. I think there are a few reasons why women on this forum may have/want sex more frequently. I didn't come to TAM for a sex problem nor a marriage problem, per se. But when you read about so many sex issues on this forum, it tends to make you put more effort into your sex life to make it a good one.


----------



## Meli33

I would like it at least 4-5 times a week. Always been high drive.... My hubby is low drive so lucky if I get it once a week....


----------



## EleGirl

that.girl said:


> I would be really curious to see how these numbers relate to our ages. My drive has changed quite a bit over time.


Mine has been consistent through all of my adult life... daily.


----------



## Holland

Late 40's here and my drive has always been consistent as well. The reality of what I got compared to what I wanted was very different in marriage though.


----------



## EleGirl

thefam said:


> I'm going to go back and read this whole thread later.
> 
> I voted 3 to 5. I think there are a few reasons why women on this forum may have/want sex more frequently. I didn't come to TAM for a sex problem nor a marriage problem, per se. But when you read about so many sex issues on this forum, it tends to make you put more effort into your sex life to make it a good one.


I disagree with this. Why? 

Because I've always been high drive no matter what the state of my relationship is. Most of the women I know are the same, they love sex and want lots of it.


----------



## ConanHub

I love this thread. Just want to encourage all you women who talk about sex. Everyone needs to hear it and it does my heart good.

I am a little envious. Mrs. Conan and I have worked to improve her libido with good results but I would love to get her closer yet to mine. This forum has helped me to improve with her though and she could be considered pretty normal now at 2-3 times a week.

I think she is improving still. If she goes too long without, she not only takes care of herself, when we do get together, she is almost matched to my drive of 2-3 times a day.

Please do keep up the sex talk, it always encourages, challenges and educates me.


----------



## ConanHub

EleGirl said:


> I disagree with this. Why?
> 
> Because I've always been high drive no matter what the state of my relationship is. Most of the women I know are the same, they love sex and want lots of it.


Not everyone is like you and your friends. I agree with her.

I compare libido to a muscle you can exercise. Some women like you have a libido like a heart muscle. As long as you live there is a steady, strong pulse of sexual drive throughout your being. I have always been impressed with people like you.

You could improve just like a heart could be in better shape but unless you are dead, that sex pulse never stops surging.

My wife has a libido like skeletal muscle. It is there and works but if neglected or unused, becomes atrophied .

If, however, she puts good nutrients in, exercises and uses the muscle often, HOT TIMES!!!

I think my libido is like skeletal muscle as well, just one that has been very developed to the point that it will never fall that low.

My libido has not been steady through my life.


----------



## that.girl

ConanHub said:


> My wife has a libido like skeletal muscle. It is there and works but if neglected or unused, becomes atrophied .


When you put it this way - maybe i just need some "physical therapy"!

:rofl:


----------



## ConanHub

that.girl said:


> When you put it this way - maybe i just need some "physical therapy"!
> 
> :rofl:


LOL! Don't we all!


----------



## EleGirl

ConanHub said:


> Not everyone is like you and your friends. I agree with her.
> 
> I compare libido to a muscle you can exercise. Some women like you have a libido like a heart muscle. As long as you live there is a steady, strong pulse of sexual drive throughout your being. I have always been impressed with people like you.
> 
> You could improve just like a heart could be in better shape but unless you are dead, that sex pulse never stops surging.
> 
> My wife has a libido like skeletal muscle. It is there and works but if neglected or unused, becomes atrophied .
> 
> If, however, she puts good nutrients in, exercises and uses the muscle often, HOT TIMES!!!
> 
> I think my libido is like skeletal muscle as well, just one that has been very developed to the point that it will never fall that low.
> 
> My libido has not been steady through my life.


I probably did not make by point clearly enough. "thefam" attributed the high sex drives reported here to "this forum, it tends to make you put more effort into your sex life to make it a good one"

This form most likely has little to do with our high sex drives.



thefam said:


> I'm going to go back and read this whole thread later.
> 
> I voted 3 to 5. I think there are a few reasons why women on this forum may have/want sex more frequently. I didn't come to TAM for a sex problem nor a marriage problem, per se. But when you read about so many sex issues on this forum, it tends to make you put more effort into your sex life to make it a good one.


----------



## kag123

I can't vote in the poll on a mobile. But - I wanted to chime in anyway because I probably represent the women who are complained about often. 

I am 30.

I really only want sex maybe once or twice every two weeks. That's spontaneous desire. My H does not initiate at all so it's left up to me.

My desire is absolutely tied to my cycle. During ovulation for a 2-3 window I could do nothing but. The rest of that time...meh.

I notice that I dream of sex often, but once I wake up its like nothing...most of the time. I do not take care of myself at all. I come to him when I want it. 

I am on SSRIs (absolutely 1000% necessary for me) and I have some chronic health problems that I think cause my drive to suffer (IBS and pain issues.) Seeking treatment for both BTW. It's just one of those things. 

If HE expressed desire more frequently, I think I would follow suit. Probably couldn't keep up with him totally. I know he takes care of himself pretty much every day. At least every other day. He just waits for me to initiate. 

I am waiting for this surge that I hear about for older women. I keep looking forward to it...hoping it will hit me at some point!

Anyway - I suppose I am LD.

I will run and hide now!


----------



## ConanHub

kag123 said:


> I can't vote in the poll on a mobile. But - I wanted to chime in anyway because I probably represent the women who are complained about often.
> 
> I am 30.
> 
> I really only want sex maybe once or twice every two weeks. That's spontaneous desire. My H does not initiate at all so it's left up to me.
> 
> My desire is absolutely tied to my cycle. During ovulation for a 2-3 window I could do nothing but. The rest of that time...meh.
> 
> I notice that I dream of sex often, but once I wake up its like nothing...most of the time. I do not take care of myself at all. I come to him when I want it.
> 
> I am on SSRIs (absolutely 1000% necessary for me) and I have some chronic health problems that I think cause my drive to suffer (IBS and pain issues.) Seeking treatment for both BTW. It's just one of those things.
> 
> If HE expressed desire more frequently, I think I would follow suit. Probably couldn't keep up with him totally. I know he takes care of himself pretty much every day. At least every other day. He just waits for me to initiate.
> 
> I am waiting for this surge that I hear about for older women. I keep looking forward to it...hoping it will hit me at some point!
> 
> Anyway - I suppose I am LD.
> 
> I will run and hide now!


Sorry to hear about health problems. SSRIs can and do seriously hamper sex drive.

If you need them you need them but they can make it so the only time you get revved up down there is with stimulation that can be a bit extreme.

You don't have to run and hide. You are who you are and your story is just as valuable as anyone else.:smthumbup:


----------



## EleGirl

that.girl said:


> When you put it this way - maybe i just need some "physical therapy"!
> 
> :rofl:


I have read that many women have responsive libidos. The more good sex they have with a man, the more they want sex. so maybe a lot of "physical therapy" would be a good thing.

I've also read that having sex 2 times a week for a year is equivalent exercise to running 90 miles a year. So, it's a great exercise program. Why pay for a gym and use machines when there is a much better way to get that workout.


----------



## WonkyNinja

Middle of Everything said:


> Good god where do you horny women come from?


I don't think that I read that sentence the way you intended it.


----------



## WonkyNinja

Holland said:


> Truly is one of the mysteries of life. But life after getting out of a sexless marriage is pure gold.


:iagree:


----------



## WonkyNinja

EleGirl said:


> I've also read that having sex 2 times a week for a year is equivalent exercise to running 90 miles a year. So, it's a great exercise program. Why pay for a gym and use machines when there is a much better way to get that workout.


Sex is equivalent to jogging, hence the expression "a miss is as good as a mile". :rofl:


----------



## ocotillo

Great idea for a thread. It warms my heart just to read the responses.


----------



## anonmd

:2gunsfiring_v1:Somebody shoot me


----------



## EleGirl

anonmd said:


> :2gunsfiring_v1:Somebody shoot me


:BoomSmilie_anim:


----------



## Faithful Wife

.


----------



## Starstarfish

I want to participate in this poll, but my answer doesn't neatly fall into any of the allotted answers. So I'll have to debate getting together the emotional fortitude to make a response.


----------



## Cletus

Kinsey has all kinds of interesting numbers on partnered sex, masturbation, fantasies, and desires that don't have the bias problems of a self selected poll on a marriage web site. Happy reading.

The Kinsey Institute - Sexuality Information Links - FAQ [Related Resources]

For instance, 11.5% of partnered women 40-49 have sex > 4 times a week, but only 3.7% of married women in that same demographic are having that much sex. Of course, having and wanting are not the same, but if the women here are representative, there's a BIG gap between the wanting and the getting. For you high drive women, it looks like the best way to cut your sex by 2/3 in your 40s is to get married.


----------



## Moops

So 80% of all women who have responded apparantley want it several times a week. I would guess that in reality only maybe 20% want it that often(if we are talking average women).


----------



## Moops

Holland said:


> OK we get it, you don't like women. But just to get something straight, ALL women of ALL drives are normal, how bloody rude to say that women with high drives are not normal.
> 
> And FYI pretty much all of the women in my circle of friends and family have very healthy attitudes to sex and sex drives.
> 
> Try looking outside your own head and see the real world.


"Normal" was maybe the wrong word to use in that sentence. I meant average.

The women in my family say sex is disgusting and gross. Sometimes when watching a movie or a tv series with my mother, if there happens to be a sex related scene in it she will often say "yuck! that disgusting" and turn her head away. 

I think this is probably a pretty common attitude to sex among women(that its disgusting), or atleast more common than that it's "good".


----------



## EleGirl

intheory said:


> (I had to look up "300" movie )



300: Rise of an Empire 

Greek general Themistokles leads the charge against invading Persian forces led by mortal-turned-god Xerxes and Artemisia, vengeful commander of the Persian navy

The Greeks had an army of 300 that fought a huge Persian army and roundly defeated the Persians.

I loved the movie for the story. 

It did help though that much of the movie was about an Army of 300 hunks dressed like Greek warriors... in shorts and a cape. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Prc1UfuokY


----------



## EleGirl

Moops said:


> "Normal" was maybe the wrong word to use in that sentence. I meant average.
> 
> The women in my family say sex is disgusting and gross. Sometimes when watching a movie or a tv series with my mother, if there happens to be a sex related scene in it she will often say "yuck! that disgusting" and turn her head away.
> 
> I think this is probably a pretty common attitude to sex among women(that its disgusting), or atleast more common than that it's "good".


Well that's the women in your family. 

Also, just because a woman say "yuck" when watching sex on the TV with her son or bother around does not mean she thinks it's "yuck".


----------



## ConanHub

EleGirl said:


> Well that's the women in your family.
> 
> Also, just because a woman say "yuck" when watching sex on the TV with her son or bother around does not mean she thinks it's "yuck".


Often times women feel dirty for being turned on so they respond with revulsion to something that heats them up because they think it is wrong.


----------



## TiggyBlue

Moops said:


> "Normal" was maybe the wrong word to use in that sentence. I meant average.
> 
> The women in my family say sex is disgusting and gross. Sometimes when watching a movie or a tv series with my mother, if there happens to be a sex related scene in it she will often say "yuck! that disgusting" and turn her head away.
> 
> I think this is probably a pretty common attitude to sex among women(that its disgusting), or atleast more common than that it's "good".


I've never been around a woman with that kind of response, that's seems like quite a extreme response IMO.


----------



## EleGirl

ConanHub said:


> Often times women feel dirty for being turned on so they respond with revulsion to something that heats them up because they think it is wrong.


Yes there are women who were taught that being turned on it dirty. What a shame.


I've done the "yuke" or "yikes" thing when hot scenes some on the TV.. when my kids are around, especially my sons. It's not that I think it's dirty, it's that I don't like it when my son's are in the room with me. It embarrasses them too.


----------



## firebelly1

Moops said:


> So 80% of all women who have responded apparantley want it several times a week. I would guess that in reality only maybe 20% want it that often(if we are talking average women).


Moops - if you're going to make sweeping generalizations like this (cuz you make a lot of them) you need to back that sh*t up with some data.


----------



## southbound

EleGirl said:


> I disagree with this. Why?
> 
> Because I've always been high drive no matter what the state of my relationship is. Most of the women I know are the same, they love sex and want lots of it.


I'm a guy, and that's the way i am, and that's what i thought was normal. However, It sure wasn't with my x wife. Everything had to be perfect for her to be in the mood. Someone wrote(perhaps you), that they are always on and have to be turned off to not want sex. I think it was the opposite with my x. I believe she was mostly off and had to be turned on.

Something else: It has been written here how women enjoy the entire sexual experience, not just an orgasm. I was like that, but my x told me once that she thought kissing was a "weak act" when you were having sex. In other words, why kill time with kissing when you're having sex?

I noticed someone said they liked sex several times a day on vacation. I could go for a week and was lucky to get it once.


----------



## firebelly1

I like FW's answer. I MIGHT be a daily girl if two or three days were quickies. If left to my own devices, I masturbate in the shower daily. I can get off in three minutes that way and I like that cuz it fits nicely in my morning routine before work and I can go about doing other things. If I had a partner who was willing to eat me out two or three times a week as a stand-alone activity (as in I don't reciprocate right that minute but maybe later that evening or later in the week) and he could get me off in three minutes, I would definitely be an every day girl. 

I would also like a nice pounding twice a week or so, and circus sex once a week. But during the work week, I want sex, I just want it to be relatively quick. 

On vacation - three times a day, every day.


----------



## always_alone

Cletus said:


> Kinsey has all kinds of interesting numbers on partnered sex, masturbation, fantasies, and desires that don't have the bias problems of a self selected poll on a marriage web site. Happy reading.


A lot of the Kinsey data is old and out of date.

And doesn't it strike you as just a wee bit odd that the reported frequencies for married men and women are so disparate? Could it be that there are challenges with such self-reported data?


----------



## Faithful Wife

Cletus you should read that book recommended in another thread What Do Women Want? The Kinsey links may be accurate in as far as how women answered the questions, but there is more to the story. Basically it boils down to mating in captivity being a boner killer for women. My guess is that couples (especially in our generation and before) do not work at keeping the sex from getting crappy and that's why many women want less of it.

This would not really apply to your wife though as she just seems to be not very sexual, period, and was always that way.


----------



## firebelly1

southbound said:


> I'm a guy, and that's the way i am, and that's what i thought was normal. However, It sure wasn't with my x wife. Everything had to be perfect for her to be in the mood. Someone wrote(perhaps you), that they are always on and have to be turned off to not want sex. I think it was the opposite with my x. I believe she was mostly off and had to be turned on.
> 
> Something else: It has been written here how women enjoy the entire sexual experience, not just an orgasm. I was like that, but my x told me once that she thought kissing was a "weak act" when you were having sex. In other words, why kill time with kissing when you're having sex?
> 
> I noticed someone said they liked sex several times a day on vacation. I could go for a week and was lucky to get it once.


I think sex without kissing is weird. Kissing turns me on and can be so hot during sex, so, she is not a representative sample.


----------



## Cletus

always_alone said:


> A lot of the Kinsey data is old and out of date.
> 
> And doesn't it strike you as just a wee bit odd that the reported frequencies for married men and women are so disparate? Could it be that there are challenges with such self-reported data?


Then by all means, point us to a better study. You must have _some_ data driven rationale for believing this data to be generally inaccurate. As interesting as it might be to ask, a poll here certainly won't be it. Most of the columns in the Kinsey data are self consistent, and the question asked wasn't "have you had vaginal sex with your partner".

Compare the masturbation numbers between men and women, which are strikingly different. Was there a specific result from the Kinsey data you didn't agree with?


----------



## firebelly1

The female libido and 'the two-year itch' - Macleans.ca


----------



## Cletus

Here's a discussion of the attempt to answer the question of the comparative sex drives of men vs. women. It is not a study itself, but a discussion about the many studies that have been used to attempt to answer some of these questions, with links to peer reviewed journal articles and meta-analysis of dozens of studies. 

Take from it what you will. I don't care what the answer is as long as it's supportable by data. 

Do men really have higher sex drives than women?


----------



## ConanHub

EleGirl said:


> Yes there are women who were taught that being turned on it dirty. What a shame.
> 
> 
> I've done the "yuke" or "yikes" thing when hot scenes some on the TV.. when my kids are around, especially my sons. It's not that I think it's dirty, it's that I don't like it when my son's are in the room with me. It embarrasses them too.


Yeah. Same here. Something steamy would surprise us and was not appropriate for family viewing.


----------



## always_alone

Cletus said:


> Here's a discussion of the attempt to answer the question of the comparative sex drives of men vs. women. It is not a study itself, but a discussion about the many studies that have been used to attempt to answer some of these questions, with links to peer reviewed journal articles and meta-analysis of dozens of studies.
> 
> Take from it what you will. I don't care what the answer is as long as it's supportable by data.
> 
> Do men really have higher sex drives than women?


The problem is that much of the data that "proves" men are more sexual comes from some pretty faulty studies. For example, the oft-repeated truism that men are more into random sexual encounters comes from a study that was conducted in the 1970s that involved going up to random strangers on the street and asking them bluntly if they want sex.

That study has more holes in it than a sieve, and yet is still cited in support of the greater sexual openness of men. 

In contrast, there are studies that show more overlap between and variety within the genders than such truisms would support: 

http://www.psych.rochester.edu/people/reis_harry/assets/pdf/CarothersReis_2012.pdf

Also, that we need to be careful when we theorize the explanation for observed statistical differences: 
A meta-analytic review of research on gender differences in sexuali... - PubMed - NCBI


----------



## ConanHub

intheory said:


> To me, this thread was just a fun way to ask TAM's female participants what their desire for sex was.
> 
> I don't see why some folks need to "negate" the results and comments.


Yup.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

intheory said:


> To me, this thread was just a fun way to ask TAM's female participants what their desire for sex was.
> 
> I don't see why some folks need to "negate" the results and comments.


Exactly...

I think that some of the posts are from men who are wondering why these results are so different from their experiences with their wives and gfs.

Well except for one poster.... :


----------



## Holland

intheory said:


> To me, this thread was just a fun way to ask TAM's female participants what their desire for sex was.
> 
> I don't see why some folks need to "negate" the results and comments.


Yes.

IMHO I think there are some men that are scared of female sexuality and/or of their own. Far easier to say that it is not "normal" for women to enjoy sex that admit their own shortcomings.


----------



## heartsbeating

Where's the option for your Sex is on Fire?


----------



## Faithful Wife

Cletus said:


> Here's a discussion of the attempt to answer the question of the comparative sex drives of men vs. women. It is not a study itself, but a discussion about the many studies that have been used to attempt to answer some of these questions, with links to peer reviewed journal articles and meta-analysis of dozens of studies.
> 
> Take from it what you will. I don't care what the answer is as long as it's supportable by data.
> 
> Do men really have higher sex drives than women?


Cletus...that was a great article, but several of the links were broken, including the main one at the very end.

The thing is that there are other meta-studies that don't come out the same as the one in that article. As I said, if you want to know more of why I personally don't believe the data presented in your article means men are more sexual than women, you could read the book What Do Women Want? The conclusion is much different. Basically, boiled down to it, the conclusion of the book is that female sexual desire is something that men simply can't mentally grasp how it works because it most definitely works differently than most men's sexual desire.

Just because a woman's desire works differently, and just because women may MB less and desire fewer partners over a lifetime, does not mean that they are "less sexual" than men are. Your article even says the same thing. There's no one "test" for how sexual people are. I'm actually working on one for blog material now.

In nature, males and females do not want sex more or less than each other, they BOTH want it, it is equal...yet the physiology and many other aspects of sexual arousal and desire are very different for each gender in many species. Just like US. 

Our arousal and desire patterns are different. This does not mean we are less sexual. We are equally as sexual.


----------



## Cletus

EleGirl said:


> Exactly...
> 
> I think that some of the posts are from men who are wondering why these results are so different from their experiences with their wives and gfs.
> 
> Well except for one poster.... :



I've been lucky enough to experience both in my life - women with a higher sex drive than me, and women with a lower sex drive.

Regardless, there is an answer to the question of which gender _on average_ has a higher sex drive, since equality is biological highly unlikely, and searching for the actual answer is not a bad thing unless you intend to use what you discover for ill. 

It's certainly better than presupposing that answer.


----------



## bestyet2be

intheory said:


> To me, this thread was just a fun way to ask TAM's female participants what their desire for sex was.
> 
> I don't see why some folks need to "negate" the results and comments.


Fun, yes for some. And others of us just might want to point to the results of this poll to nudge our wives in the direction of expressing more sexuality, being less inhibited. 

But judging by all the posts I read about people being "on the fence," whether to continue or end their marriages, I imagine it's _*deadly serious for many*_. "I might as well end my marriage, because there's a good chance I can find better sex (among other things) with someone else," is a lot different than, "I'm going to keep working on my marriage, because I'll likely face the same or similar problems with anyone."


----------



## anonmd

EleGirl said:


> Exactly...
> 
> I think that some of the posts are from men who are wondering why these results are so different from their experiences with their wives and gfs.
> 
> Well except for one poster.... :


Yep, I think it is wonderful that 94% or responders actually have a sex drive. Left to her own devices my wife does not:sleeping:


----------



## Anonymous07

intheory said:


> To me, this thread was just a fun way to ask TAM's female participants what their desire for sex was.
> 
> I don't see why some folks need to "negate" the results and comments.


Why am I not surprised this is how it ended. 

As for my answer: I like it almost daily, but occasionally I'm(we're) too tired with a horribly teething toddler. Luckily my marriage has gotten a lot better, so reality is pretty close to my sex drive.


----------



## firebelly1

Anonymous07 said:


> Why am I not surprised this is how it ended.
> 
> As for my answer: I like it almost daily, but occasionally I'm(we're) too tired with a horribly teething toddler. Luckily my marriage has gotten a lot better, so reality is pretty close to my sex drive.


So for the women who like it daily or close to daily, how long does the daily session usually last? I remember samyeager saying he and his wife have sex daily and it usually lasts for an hour each day. While I think sex is a good thing to do as often as you can, that seems like a big time commitment.  As I've said, I might be a daily girl if I could keep the sessions during the work week short (like 3 to 15 minutes).


----------



## EleGirl

anonmd said:


> Yep, I think it is wonderful that 94% or responders actually have a sex drive. Left to her own devices my wife does not:sleeping:


There are quite a few women who post here about their husbands not wanting sex or having low sex drives. 

From things I've read, men chose to make marriages sexless as often as women do. 

When a spouse appears to be low drive, the first thing that has to be determined is if the problem is physical.. like hormone issues or if it's between their ears. Usually it's between the ears driven by anger and resentment.

Then they need to be willing to fix whatever the issue is. If they are not willing to fix it, then that means that they don't really give a darn about their spouse and the marriage.


----------



## EleGirl

firebelly1 said:


> So for the women who like it daily or close to daily, how long does the daily session usually last? I remember samyeager saying he and his wife have sex daily and it usually lasts for an hour each day. While I think sex is a good thing to do as often as you can, that seems like a big time commitment.  As I've said, I might be a daily girl if I could keep the sessions during the work week short (like 3 to 15 minutes).


It varies, some days short, some days long.


----------



## Holland

firebelly1 said:


> So for the women who like it daily or close to daily, how long does the daily session usually last? I remember samyeager saying he and his wife have sex daily and it usually lasts for an hour each day. While I think sex is a good thing to do as often as you can, that seems like a big time commitment.  As I've said, I might be a daily girl if I could keep the sessions during the work week short (like 3 to 15 minutes).


We are a daily plus couple. During the week the morning round is very quick and even though I don't usually have an O, I like to send him off to work with a smile, makes me happy.

Evening rounds are usually longish, I don't have any idea of the time but it is an all in event. Sometimes Mr H will want to go again during the night and they are not long, not short sessions, hard to tell really.

On the weekends if no kids around we can have super long sessions that start with a full body massage for me.

The quality of our sex is usually on the upper end of the scale but even if it is a quicky it is still great 

Like anything in life if there is a will, there is a way. We simply make the time. There is time for everything else in life, sex should not be any exception because IMHO there is not much else that is as important both from a physical and emotional POV.


----------



## Anonymous07

firebelly1 said:


> So for the women who like it daily or close to daily, how long does the daily session usually last? I remember samyeager saying he and his wife have sex daily and it usually lasts for an hour each day. While I think sex is a good thing to do as often as you can, that seems like a big time commitment.  As I've said, I might be a daily girl if I could keep the sessions during the work week short (like 3 to 15 minutes).


Same as Ele. Some short, some long. A lot of it will depend on our schedules and our son(how well he's sleeping and when his naps are). I work part-time opposite schedule of my husband, so those days can be tough to fit in sex, but we still try to even as a quicky right before bed.


----------



## Cletus

For you women with daily or near-daily sex: are you primarily active desire or reactive desire types? Do you find yourself wanting it that frequently, or do you get in the mood after starting? How does that affect the amount of time you devote to sex?


----------



## ConanHub

Cletus said:


> For you women with daily or near-daily sex: are you primarily active desire or reactive desire types? Do you find yourself wanting it that frequently, or do you get in the mood after starting? How does that affect the amount of time you devote to sex?


Fantastic questions Cletus!


----------



## firebelly1

Holland said:


> We are a daily plus couple. During the week the morning round is very quick and even though I don't usually have an O, I like to send him off to work with a smile, makes me happy.
> 
> Evening rounds are usually longish, I don't have any idea of the time but it is an all in event. Sometimes Mr H will want to go again during the night and they are not long, not short sessions, hard to tell really.
> 
> *So...is this the "routine" now? You both just expect that you will be having sex every night? And how and what time does it start? Do you both go to bed at the same time?*
> 
> On the weekends if no kids around we can have super long sessions that start with a full body massage for me.
> 
> *And how does this start and when? Do one of you "plan" it as a weekend activity? Do you discuss ahead of time when you will fit this in to your other weekend activities?*
> 
> 
> The quality of our sex is usually on the upper end of the scale but even if it is a quicky it is still great
> 
> *So you orgasm most of the time? How long does it take you to cum generally?*
> 
> Like anything in life if there is a will, there is a way. We simply make the time. There is time for everything else in life, sex should not be any exception because IMHO there is not much else that is as important both from a physical and emotional POV.


----------



## firebelly1

Cletus said:


> For you women with daily or near-daily sex: are you primarily active desire or reactive desire types? Do you find yourself wanting it that frequently, or do you get in the mood after starting? How does that affect the amount of time you devote to sex?


Not sure if I am a daily girl but I'd say my desire is more active than reactive.


----------



## anonmd

EleGirl said:


> When a spouse appears to be low drive, the first thing that has to be determined is if the problem is physical.. like hormone issues or if it's between their ears. Usually it's between the ears driven by anger and resentment.
> 
> Then they need to be willing to fix whatever the issue is. If they are not willing to fix it, then that means that they don't really give a darn about their spouse and the marriage.


I hear that, I do and I'm trying to work on some things. 

Yet, if I suddenly lost my drive for the rat race and got a job at Lowes or wherever at a sixth or less of my current salary I think she'd be pretty pissed off, hell she does better than avg. Sell the house and live on her salary at a job she despises for a while


----------



## EleGirl

anonmd said:


> I hear that, I do and I'm trying to work on some things.
> 
> Yet, if I suddenly lost my drive for the rat race and got a job at Lowes or wherever at a sixth or less of my current salary I think she'd be pretty pissed off, hell she does better than avg. Sell the house and live on her salary at a job she despises for a while


I'm confused by this, what does this have to do with your wife being LD?


----------



## Anonymous07

Cletus said:


> For you women with daily or near-daily sex: are you primarily active desire or reactive desire types? Do you find yourself wanting it that frequently, or do you get in the mood after starting? How does that affect the amount of time you devote to sex?


Both. It depends on a number of things. I would say I am typically active desire and will initiate fairly often, but on the other days when I'm not the one to initiate, my husband can easily get me into the mood(so long as I have some energy/sanity left). He knows how to kiss my neck, play with my hair, give a massage, etc to start things up. The amount of time devoted to sex depends on when in the day we're having sex(during my son's nap is always a quickie vs night time can be longer).


----------



## anonmd

EleGirl said:


> I'm confused by this, what does this have to do with your wife being LD?


Symbolic M / F divide. F - a,b,c,d, and e are wrong with my life, you expect sex?. M - I work my ass off to provide 3/4 of your lifestyle and there is little sex why? Problems from both sides, but I am detracting from your thread


----------



## ToothFairy

I have a very high sex drive... which is unfortunate for me right now. My divorce was final last November and aside from a few times during our false R, I am not having sex. 

I miss physical touch and the release of sex more than I miss him.  but I can't bring myself to seek out one night stands or sex for sex sake. I am just praying that God brings an amazing man into my life SOON so I can resume my mid 40s sex circus.

For now... I take care of myself.. frequently.


----------



## notmyrealname4

Cletus said:


> For you women with daily or near-daily sex: are you primarily active desire or reactive desire types? Do you find yourself wanting it that frequently, or do you get in the mood after starting? How does that affect the amount of time you devote to sex?


I'll stick with current history.

In the past year (+/-), I have primarily initiated sex. Say, 95% of the time.

So, it's active.

I mean; asking your H if you can please go down on him. Pathetic , right?


----------



## ConanHub

intheory said:


> I'll stick with current history.
> 
> In the past year (+/-), I have primarily initiated sex. Say, 95% of the time.
> 
> So, it's active.
> 
> I mean; asking your H if you can please go down on him. Pathetic , right?


OUCH! And again I say OUCH!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

anonmd said:


> Symbolic M / F divide. F - a,b,c,d, and e are wrong with my life, you expect sex?. M - I work my ass off to provide 3/4 of your lifestyle and there is little sex why? Problems from both sides, but I am detracting from your thread


It's a generalization/stereo type that makes both men and women look bad. It assumes that women are entitled emotional pits who contribute almost nothing to a marriage and men are ever-slaving dunderheads who think sex is owed in exchange for their contribution to a marriage.


----------



## WandaJ

intheory said:


> (I had to look up "300" movie )
> 
> MoE, I don't think so.
> 
> When men hear about women wanting sex often; there may be a tendency to visualize a Pamela-Anderson-ish type of woman. 'Cause that is what you are conditioned to see as "sexy"
> 
> A lot of women who love sex are ordinary looking (not ugly), just everyday type women. Women you may overlook time and time again. I very much doubt people who look at me think "sex". (I get kind of a thrill out of that )
> 
> I'm not condemning you. I realize guys are indoctrinated by these images of pin-up type gals their whole lives.
> 
> And maybe the best looking women _do_ insist on the best looking, richest men. Which, I suppose, is their prerogative. I wouldn't know.
> 
> I don't know. I would just encourage men to think "outside the box", as to what kind of women they approach. Especially if what you have done so far hasn't gotten you the "love and affection":FIREdevil: you desire.
> 
> Maybe I'm way off-base. Just putting it out there.


Exactly I am rather serious, calm person on the outside, only those who know me better know that there is devil lurking behind responsible citizen, lol. 

Sometimes during the girls night out (or in) we play bottle, so of course there is a lot of questions about sex. You would be surprise to see that the hottest and seemingly most adventorous of us seem often the most traditional, listening with big eyes to the more average crowd


----------



## WandaJ

Moops said:


> "Normal" was maybe the wrong word to use in that sentence. I meant average.
> 
> The women in my family say sex is disgusting and gross. Sometimes when watching a movie or a tv series with my mother, if there happens to be a sex related scene in it she will often say "yuck! that disgusting" and turn her head away.
> 
> I think this is probably a pretty common attitude to sex among women(that its disgusting), or atleast more common than that it's "good".


strange. I do not know any woman who would react like this. But ifyou watching this with mother or mother in law, that's a little harder.


----------



## Cletus

WandaJ said:


> strange. I do not know any woman who would react like this. But ifyou watching this with mother or mother in law, that's a little harder.


Actually, that's very nearly the reaction my wife has to a steamy sex scene in a movie, minus the out-loud exclamation. It was so obvious my grown children even remarked on how uncomfortable mom was with even mainstream depictions of sexuality in cinema.

It's also her reaction to anything other than plain vanilla sex - you ask her what she thinks about oral sex, giving or receiving, and the answer is that it makes her sick to her stomach to consider it. 

So they exist. Outside of your experience, perhaps, but not mine.


----------



## Thundarr

For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?

The reason I ask? I usually initiate and she's generally ready and willing. Could be a quickie, could be slow and sweet, or it could be role play, or even rough on occasion. I assume she's happy with what we do since there are no complaints. But we're only 1-2 times a week because that's about all I'm amped up for.


----------



## EleGirl

Thundarr said:


> For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?
> 
> The reason I ask? I usually initiate and she's generally ready and willing. Could be a quickie, could be slow and sweet, or it could be role play, or even rough on occasion. I assume she's happy with what we do since there are no complaints. But we're only 1-2 times a week because that's about all I'm amped up for.


When things were going good in marriage, I don't think either of us initiated.... or maybe it was that we both initiated at the same time. It was just always right there so all that was needed was privacy.

When things went down hill.. I initiated and he had no interest.


----------



## Ikaika

My wife initiates at least 35% of the time since she started on the peri-menopause journey. Prior that she would initiate maybe 25% of the time. I don't know if it was a change in her hormonal architecture, or that as she got older she got more confident and or if as the kids got older and more independent she felt less stress on the child rearing front. 

It is interesting because you hear conflicting stories during this cycle of life. And even from what I know physiologically, both scenarios could make sense, increase or decrease drive.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Cletus said:


> For you women with daily or near-daily sex: are you primarily active desire or reactive desire types? Do you find yourself wanting it that frequently, or do you get in the mood after starting? How does that affect the amount of time you devote to sex?


Now that I have tasted of that euphoric RUSH we had.... knowing so much of sex is in between the ears....realizing all we need to do is *work it up* ...... the kissing, reaching, some flirting through the day...it's just where we both want to go.. a mutual known. ...something we want to Keep alive... after we get started.. we are feeling it... 

We always shut the kids out after 8 pm.... sometimes he may sleep a few hours...& we'll have a romp in the am ... his days off.. we take it slow....change it up...the house to ourselves.. 

That whole thing.. "Use it or Loose it".. he's not going to loose it !

The euphoria of how exciting that RUSH was lives on in me... and so far, we keep recapturing it.. Physical intimacy... it's just something that never grows old.











> *Thundarr said*: For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?


 Even in what I would call my "repressed" days.. wanting a sheet, the lights dim.. If I was feeling it.. I was soooo obvious...rocking into him.. grab the gear shift...very overt about it.. he always knew if he waited it out, I'd be coming on to him...


----------



## Thundarr

SimplyAmorous said:


> Even in what I would call my "repressed" days.. wanting a sheet, the lights dim.. If I was feeling it.. I was soooo obvious...rocking into him.. grab the gear shift...very overt about it.. he always knew if he waited it out, I'd be coming on to him...


poor guy .


----------



## Holland

> firebelly1
> 
> 
> we are a daily plus couple. During the week the morning round is very quick and even though i don't usually have an o, i like to send him off to work with a smile, makes me happy.
> 
> Evening rounds are usually longish, i don't have any idea of the time but it is an all in event. Sometimes mr h will want to go again during the night and they are not long, not short sessions, hard to tell really.
> 
> *so...is this the "routine" now? You both just expect that you will be having sex every night? And how and what time does it start? Do you both go to bed at the same time?*
> 
> it is pretty much a given that we will have sex every night. If we have any of the kids at home then it will be when we are in bed for the night and yes we 99.9% of the time go to bed at the same time.
> If it is an evening when no kids around then we will often have sex before dinner, get up and cook together while sharing a bottle of wine. We may then go again when we are in bed later.
> 
> on the weekends if no kids around we can have super long sessions that start with a full body massage for me.
> 
> *and how does this start and when? Do one of you "plan" it as a weekend activity? Do you discuss ahead of time when you will fit this in to your other weekend activities?*
> 
> depends on what is on that weekend. If we are having a home day it will just happen, we are not usually the types to plan sex. However sometime mr h will plan it especially if it is something like a session on the rug in front of the fire place. Or we will have a relaxing bath together, chat and then go to bed.
> We very rarely discuss it before hand but if we are having one of our many general discussions about sex it invariably leads to us having sex lol
> 
> the quality of our sex is usually on the upper end of the scale but even if it is a quicky it is still great
> 
> *so you orgasm most of the time? How long does it take you to cum generally?* I O mainly from oral so unless it is a quicky then I O nearly every time. But we have an understanding that it is ok if I don't. I enjoy sex for other reasons not just having an orgasm, neither of us is under pressure to perform and occasionally either will say "you go ahead but i'm not going to finish".
> 
> Like anything in life if there is a will, there is a way. We simply make the time. There is time for everything else in life, sex should not be any exception because imho there is not much else that is as important both from a physical and emotional pov.


hth


----------



## Holland

Thundarr said:


> For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?
> 
> The reason I ask? I usually initiate and she's generally ready and willing. Could be a quickie, could be slow and sweet, or it could be role play, or even rough on occasion. *I assume she's happy with what we do since there are no complaints. *But we're only 1-2 times a week because that's about all I'm amped up for.


Do you talk about sex? One thing we do is check in with each other about our sex life and talk about where we are at and where we want to go with it. Both of us have come from past sexless marriages and we have made it a priority to communicate and to not assume anything.

Bless his heart but Mr H and I are going to sit down over the holidays and make a 12 month plan for the next year, many topics including our sex life and what we want out of it over the next 12 months. Love that man, he has even started a power point presentation for our planning sessions.


----------



## EleGirl

Cletus said:


> Actually, that's very nearly the reaction my wife has to a steamy sex scene in a movie, minus the out-loud exclamation. It was so obvious my grown children even remarked on how uncomfortable mom was with even mainstream depictions of sexuality in cinema.
> 
> It's also her reaction to anything other than plain vanilla sex - you ask her what she thinks about oral sex, giving or receiving, and the answer is that it makes her sick to her stomach to consider it.
> 
> So they exist. Outside of your experience, perhaps, but not mine.


When the kids are not around... we keep a tally of how many butt and boob shots each of us gets. He counts the females.. I count the guys.... it makes for some fun to see who wins for the day


----------



## firebelly1

Holland said:


> hth


That DOES help - and interesting that you all talk about sex a lot and plan for it. That is just really awesome I think. And makes sense when you both came from sexless marriages. I made a power point for my husband once. He didn't appreciate it. 

A couple more questions though - are you and Mr. H introverts or extroverts? I'm an introvert so I need time to myself. I think that's one of the aspects of me not thinking I'm an everyday girl, but I'm curious. 

And when do you talk about things besides sex - the logistics of life? I often think that couples either bore each other with the everyday business of running a family or have constant conflict over it, both of which can kill sexual desire. So how do daily logistics fit into your discussions / sex life?


----------



## WandaJ

Thundarr said:


> For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?
> 
> The reason I ask? I usually initiate and she's generally ready and willing. Could be a quickie, could be slow and sweet, or it could be role play, or even rough on occasion. I assume she's happy with what we do since there are no complaints. But we're only 1-2 times a week because that's about all I'm amped up for.


when things are going ok, it is about 50/50. but since things haven't been going ok for long time, I do initiate less, but it doesn't mean I do not think about sex a lot


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Moops said:


> "Normal" was maybe the wrong word to use in that sentence. I meant average.
> 
> The women in my family say sex is disgusting and gross. *Sometimes when watching a movie or a tv series with my mother, if there happens to be a sex related scene in it she will often say "yuck! that disgusting" and turn her head away.
> *
> I think this is probably a pretty common attitude to sex among women(that its disgusting), or atleast more common than that it's "good".


I grew up going to church (well not always).. enjoyed youth group & all.. some things get beat into your head.. I was always in conflict here....couldn't deny I LOVED a steamy R rated sex scene, it ALWAYS turned me on, I'd never look away.... but I used to complain to my BF (now husband ) why can't they have newlyweds going at it...da** it !... Like it was always infidelity or premarital sex -which I felt was wrong. Also reading steamy Romance novels .. I loved them too ~ women's porn, felt guilty about reading - but it didn't stop me. 

So anyway.. that was my experience.. Deep down, I feel I was always a very sexual woman...just wrapped a little too tight to "let it loose" for too many years...because of the conflicting messages in my mind...the whole Good girl/ Bad girl thing...

Some things I am still trying to work out in my head.. I shouldn't get turned on when I see Infidelity in a movie (after all this is WRONG, hurtful!)..... it's the passion , it's the heat of the moment....I shouldn't like Porn (only soft romantic stuff) ... when you think about it.. it's pure casual sex.. which I frown upon ...I think it's best to wait for Love, emotional attachment before engaging, or it would leave me empty..

Just something about naked bodies, Passion, the Erotic.. I love it ! God's greatest gift to us.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Active desire versus receptive desire....for mysel, my desire is always active and comes from within myself. However I can tune it in ir tune it out as I want or need to (keeping a lid on it when I have to and letting my freak flag fly when I can).

So in the absence of a partner I am still horny all the time whether I want to be or not.

Now add the presence of a worthy lover to my every day routine and I become receptively desirous on top of actively. I can feel the difference between the two quite clearly. My own active desire makes me want to hunt and my receptive desire makes me want to be hunted.


----------



## Anonymous07

firebelly1 said:


> And when do you talk about things besides sex - the logistics of life? I often think that couples either bore each other with the everyday business of running a family or have constant conflict over it, both of which can kill sexual desire. So how do daily logistics fit into your discussions / sex life?


I know you weren't asking me, but my husband and I will discuss sex and life in general daily. Sex talks are just intertwined in normal conversation. None of it gets in the way of sex or dampens the desire. I mean, we tend to talk about diaper blow outs, throw up, random gross things, toddler temper tantrums, chores, and so on, but it has never turned us off. If either of us are talking about something kind of boring and it's going on too long(work stories or my mom stories), we tend to playfully touch to cut the story short. It just works that way for us, but it took a while for us to get here.


----------



## Holland

firebelly1 said:


> That DOES help - and interesting that you all talk about sex a lot and plan for it. That is just really awesome I think. And makes sense when you both came from sexless marriages. I made a power point for my husband once. He didn't appreciate it.
> 
> A couple more questions though - *are you and Mr. H introverts or extroverts? I'm an introvert so I need time to myself. I think that's one of the aspects of me not thinking I'm an everyday girl, but I'm curious. *
> 
> I'm not 100% sure where we would be on the scale but we are both very similar in that we are extrovert but also need alone time. We give each other the space to have alone time.
> 
> *And when do you talk about things besides sex - the logistics of life? I often think that couples either bore each other with the everyday business of running a family or have constant conflict over it, both of which can kill sexual desire. So how do daily logistics fit into your discussions / sex life?*


We talk about life, sex, children, politics, life goals, what happened during our day etc at any time. Being a blended family we have all sorts of stuff to deal with on a daily basis. We spend a lot of time together doing things and chatting. Most evenings we will either chat while cooking dinner or sit outside with a wine after dinner and chat about all sort of topics.


----------



## firebelly1

I'm jealous of women who's husbands talk to them. Reason #327 why I'm no longer married to the last one.


----------



## Holland

FB my ex was not a communicator and it put a huge strain on daily life. 

Mr H and I just happen to have really busy lives with lots going on and lots of future plans so there is always something to talk about. Sometimes we will watch a movie or TV series and then have a discussion about the movie afterwards, this usually leads on to applying themes we saw in the movie to real life and discussing different scenarios and concepts from the movie. I love it that we can do this because in my past life if we watched a movie there would be no discussion afterwards, maybe a "that was a good movie" and that was it.


----------



## firebelly1

Holland said:


> FB my ex was not a communicator and it put a huge strain on daily life.
> 
> Mr H and I just happen to have really busy lives with lots going on and lots of future plans so there is always something to talk about. Sometimes we will watch a movie or TV series and then have a discussion about the movie afterwards, this usually leads on to applying themes we saw in the movie to real life and discussing different scenarios and concepts from the movie. I love it that we can do this because in my past life if we watched a movie there would be no discussion afterwards, maybe a "that was a good movie" and that was it.


My X wouldn't even make it through the whole movie if he agreed to watch with me in the first place, which didn't happen very often so discussing a movie...fairy tale. Sounds like you've found someone who is really compatible with you. That's so great. Crossing my fingers for myself to find the same thing.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Holland said:


> Mr H and I just happen to have really busy lives with lots going on and lots of future plans so there is always something to talk about.* Sometimes we will watch a movie or TV series and then have a discussion about the movie afterwards, this usually leads on to applying themes we saw in the movie to real life and discussing different scenarios and concepts from the movie. *I love it that we can do this because in my past life if we watched a movie there would be no discussion afterwards, maybe a "that was a good movie" and that was it.


 I hardly even watch tv unless he is with me.. these things mean a great deal to me personally.....I so enjoy the relaxed cuddling, his fingers through my hair...getting drawn into a good drama, suspense, romance, old classic...even a documentary...been watching lots of "Forensic files" lately... we'll bounce things off of each other during the commercials too..

We try to watch more of the comedies with the kids around us. Many times I get so relaxed during these movies, I fall asleep on him..(he falls asleep too though)...

We watched this one the other night, literally he seen it twice already ...I was like "WHAT??".. I told him I don't remember it at all...here I guess I fell asleep on him twice during that same movie [email protected]# He just watched it again with me.. I finally made it to the end !


----------



## doobie

Thundarr said:


> For the women who primarily don't initiate sex but who would like it more often, do you think your husbands know you'd like to more often?
> 
> The reason I ask? I usually initiate and she's generally ready and willing. Could be a quickie, could be slow and sweet, or it could be role play, or even rough on occasion. I assume she's happy with what we do since there are no complaints. But we're only 1-2 times a week because that's about all I'm amped up for.


I don't initiate any more because I know my husband doesn't want it. In fact I never even touch him or hug him any more in case this is misconstrued as me wanting sex.

As for the poll, I've always been HD but, now in my mid fifies, I know 3 - 5 times a week would be enough for me. Sadly, we have no sex life and last had (unsatisfying) sex at the beginning of September. That was after a gap of 6 weeks and another gap of 6 weeks before that. I've given up totally on our sex life.


----------



## Satya

Just turned 34, my preference is every other day. I can go without for about 4 days, but I will start going a little stir crazy.


----------



## Thundarr

doobie said:


> I don't initiate any more because I know my husband doesn't want it. In fact I never even touch him or hug him any more in case this is misconstrued as me wanting sex.
> 
> As for the poll, I've always been HD but, now in my mid fifies, I know 3 - 5 times a week would be enough for me. Sadly, we have no sex life and last had (unsatisfying) sex at the beginning of September. That was after a gap of 6 weeks and another gap of 6 weeks before that. I've given up totally on our sex life.


Sorry doobie. That sounds like there's several issues all meshed together that make it difficult to even know how to fix. First the sex has to be satisfying but for that you (he) have to figure out why it's not, and then if you get past that then if he's LD, it's still a problem. The HD/LD incompatibilities is a nightmare for so many people it seems.


----------



## Miss Taken

We average about four times a week now that we have two kids. It can be tricky with a 2 and 10 year old to do it everyday in our small little humble home (2BDRMS, One bath, 4 People!). I also find I get horny during the day and he's at work so have to take care of business so to speak during nap time probably two or three times a week.


----------



## Vanille

With my current husband, never or less than once a month. Ideally, I would like to one day have a partner I feel safe with and have sex twice a week or so. That seems moderate, not too much and not too little (in my opinion).


----------



## EntirelyDifferent

My drive has always been very low - before I met my SO, once a month was kind of a good month. 

Now I make an effort to have it a lot more than that, but it's not my natural inclination. Don't think it ever will be.


----------



## EleGirl

This is an interesting thread. I hope we hear from more of you ladies.


----------



## Anon1111

the results of this poll are impressive.

I'm a man and for the longest time I would have said at least once per day would be my ideal.

Now after having sex a total of 18 times last year and 16 times this year, I have really felt my drive drop off. I think twice a week would be good for me now. I really can't stand the amount of emotional energy sex requires from me at this point.


----------



## Happilymarried25

I'm fine with once or twice a week and so is my husband, if he wanted sex more often then I would be fine with that too. We cuddle, kiss and hold each other every night and weekend mornings and I enjoy that more that the sex. I don't think about sex or feel a desire until I'm laying with my husband. I think a lot of women are like that from what I have read.


----------



## ariel_angel77

I want to have sex as much as possible. In the morning. In the middle of the night. Any time of day. I am so HD it's not even funny. I need someone who doesn't mind spending most of our time together doing that. lol


----------



## vms

At minimum once a week. That's assuming we are very busy and tired. Otherwise, several times a week. I also need a lot of kink. I've never been any other way, either. I've been HD and kinky since I started having sex. Even when I hated my ex husband, I still wanted to have sex often. 

I look at porn, I read erotica, I think about sex, almost daily when I'm not at the level of stress and depression I'm at right now. I even have an x-rated Tumblr blog that, until recently, I visited multiple times a day. Hubby has one too and it was fun to reblog photos knowing the other would see it when they logged on. It was a great way for us (especially being long distance) to say "here's an idea I like." We're both visual people so photos are very helpful in keeping our minds focused on sex. 

I realize I'm an exception to what seems to be the norm. I love sex, porn, and I'm kinky as hell. Maybe I should have been a guy lol


----------



## WifeyRes

with my husband maybe non to once a month. I voted 3-5 times a week because I still long for it a lot. If I were to meet someone I'm comfortable with the scale will go to daily or more.


----------



## notmyrealname4

Vanille said:


> With my current husband, never or less than once a month. Ideally, I would like to one day have a partner I feel safe with and have sex twice a week or so. That seems moderate, not too much and not too little (in my opinion).


Are you thinking about divorcing, at this point, Vanille? Or, can you guys get to 2x a week or so?


----------



## frusdil

I'd have to be dead not to want to have sex. I'm HD, always have been. I love sex and would have it every day if I could!!

Long, slow, tender, pounding, mix it up a bit and to the fun!!

*runs off to find hubby*


----------



## IWantGreatMarriage

I voted 3-5. Or maybe I should have voted more, but I think am more of a normal D than a HD. I only think about sex if H starts sending saucy messages, but not generally on my own.
I really would like to Up my D


----------



## ChargingCharlie

Wish my wife had the attitude of the ladies on here - I hear about how we should maybe have sex soon, followed by her complaining about how bad her headache is, how tired she is, etc. May explain why we've had sex three times in four years. 

Of course, if she read some of you on here, she would comment on how you're all freaks and not normal - how you just don't understand how hard it is with two little kids in the house, etc.


----------



## Deejo

More of a hockey stick than a bell curve, I'd say.


----------



## Deejo

ChargingCharlie said:


> Wish my wife had the attitude of the ladies on here - I hear about how we should maybe have sex soon, followed by her complaining about how bad her headache is, how tired she is, etc. May explain why we've had sex three times in four years.
> 
> Of course, if she read some of you on here, she would comment on how you're all freaks and not normal - how you just don't understand how hard it is with two little kids in the house, etc.


Do keep in mind that many of the women posting, are posting about what they would like for frequency ... but not what they have, or want, with their partner. 

The reality is they too, aren't having as much sex as they'd like to be having.


----------



## Middle of Everything

Deejo said:


> Do keep in mind that many of the women posting, are posting about what they would like for frequency ... but not what they have, or want, with their partner.
> 
> The reality is they too, aren't having as much sex as they'd like to be having.


With their partner. That is the part that makes it so very sad/cruel. 

I think knowing your wife wants frequent sex, just not with you could be one of the most soul-crushing things a man could learn.


----------



## Fozzy

vms said:


> At minimum once a week. That's assuming we are very busy and tired. Otherwise, several times a week. I also need a lot of kink. I've never been any other way, either. I've been HD and kinky since I started having sex. Even when I hated my ex husband, I still wanted to have sex often.
> 
> I look at porn, I read erotica, I think about sex, almost daily when I'm not at the level of stress and depression I'm at right now. I even have an x-rated Tumblr blog that, until recently, I visited multiple times a day. Hubby has one too and it was fun to reblog photos knowing the other would see it when they logged on. It was a great way for us (especially being long distance) to say "here's an idea I like." We're both visual people so photos are very helpful in keeping our minds focused on sex.
> 
> *I realize I'm an exception to what seems to be the norm. I love sex, porn, and I'm kinky as hell. Maybe I should have been a guy lol*


There's quite enough of us like that. It's better for balance that you're on the ladies side.


----------



## ticktock33

I'm not really sure at this point. Normally I'd like to think that I'm for it all the time. But stress and birth control are killing things at the moment and it's always been one or the other. Currently I'm pretty stressed, so a few times a month...it's horrible. 

But in a normal situation, i'd say everyday. It also matters if I orgasm or not, if I could then I would everyday stress or not. But since it isn't easy unless I have a vibrator and living situation isn't good for that so..yeah. My husband says that he would want to everyday but when we do that he can't keep up so maybe we have to build up to that.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

Middle of Everything said:


> With their partner. That is the part that makes it so very sad/cruel.
> 
> I think knowing your wife wants frequent sex, just not with you could be one of the most soul-crushing things a man could learn.


It could also be a starting point to work towards building the relationship into one where she _does _want that frequency with her partner. 

Some women don't communicate at all, others have tried but gotten nowhere. Either way, knowing this is the case is an important step in fixing it (or moving on) IMO.


----------



## Cletus

Deejo said:


> The reality is they too, aren't having as much sex as they'd like to be having.


Yes, the selection bias here is strong, on both sides, for obvious reasons.


----------



## Fozzy

Middle of Everything said:


> With their partner. That is the part that makes it so very sad/cruel.
> 
> I think knowing your wife wants frequent sex, just not with you could be one of the most soul-crushing things a man could learn.


Could be. Could also be the case that their men brought it on themselves by being douche-nozzles.


----------



## Middle of Everything

Fozzy said:


> Could be. Could also be the case that their men brought it on themselves by being douche-nozzles.


true


----------



## Anonymous07

Deejo said:


> The reality is they too, aren't having as much sex as they'd like to be having.


Sadly, true. I'd love to have sex almost every day, but my husband has a lower sex drive than I do and it gets much worse when he's stressed out. He is currently really stressed from work and our sex life has dropped dramatically.


----------



## Deejo

Middle of Everything said:


> With their partner. That is the part that makes it so very sad/cruel.
> 
> I think knowing your wife wants frequent sex, just not with you could be one of the most soul-crushing things a man could learn.


For a man who dearly loves his wife and tries to do right by her? Yes. It hurts.

But ... it is necessary. 

Because one way or another you need to grow beyond that state. Either with your wife ... or with another woman who wants to have sex with YOU 3 to 5 times a week.

Let's not derail Elle's thread, but hopefully learn a few things.


----------



## ChargingCharlie

Middle of Everything said:


> With their partner. That is the part that makes it so very sad/cruel.
> 
> I think knowing your wife wants frequent sex, just not with you could be one of the most soul-crushing things a man could learn.


That's actually not the case in my house, thankfully (or maybe not thankfully). My wife literally has no sex drive. She will make a very occasional mention that we should have sex, then when I tell her, OK, let's go, then I'm met with "Not tonight, because I need to have a couple of drinks first" or "I'm really tired now", etc. If I insisted, she would oblige, but it would be duty sex, and I refuse to be a part of that. 

Like a lot of couples, our sex early on was fairly frequent (we got physical right away, which IMO was a mistake). Now I'm seeing how long we can go totally sexless - sad part is that I don't think she really minds it at all (she'll make noise that we need to have sex, but IMO it's just her way of making it seem that she's receptive when she's really not). If she doesn't want sex, that's fine with me - I'm not going to force her to do something that she equates with work.


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy

ChargingCharlie said:


> She will make a very occasional mention that we should have sex, then when I tell her, OK, let's go, then I'm met with "Not tonight, because I need to have a couple of drinks first" or "I'm really tired now", etc.


"OK, let's go" wouldn't turn that many women on. Maybe she's mentioning it hoping you would seduce her? Help out so she's not too tired, have some wine together, go on a date night, etc
Do you make plans with her when she says not tonight?


----------



## ChargingCharlie

No, that's not it - get your point but she really has no drive. She thinks this is normal seeing we have little kids - also her parents relationship was like this growing up, and friends of hers the same, so it's normal in her mind. Anything more than once a month is a lot in her mind.


----------



## LadyDee

ChargingCharlie said:


> That's actually not the case in my house, thankfully (or maybe not thankfully). My wife literally has no sex drive. She will make a very occasional mention that we should have sex, then when I tell her, OK, let's go, then I'm met with "Not tonight, because I need to have a couple of drinks first" or "I'm really tired now", etc. If I insisted, she would oblige, but it would be duty sex, and I refuse to be a part of that.
> 
> Like a lot of couples, our sex early on was fairly frequent (we got physical right away, which IMO was a mistake). Now I'm seeing how long we can go totally sexless - sad part is that I don't think she really minds it at all (she'll make noise that we need to have sex, but IMO it's just her way of making it seem that she's receptive when she's really not). If she doesn't want sex, that's fine with me - I'm not going to force her to do something that she equates with work.


Has she had her hormone levels checked lately? I can totally relate to what she is feeling, having lived through a total decline in hormones and absolutely no desire/thoughts about having sex. You are probably right, she doesn't mind it, because she has no desire for it or to even think about it, unless she knows it's bothering you. Doesn't mean though she doesn't still care and love you.

I got things adjusted and am enjoying a very healthy active sex life again. Many on here want to think it's all mental, well it's not, hormones play a HUGE part in all of this.


----------



## notadoormat

mine is daily. middles 40's is my age. but...i havent had it much in ten yrs and have no current partner. ....my drive decreased during what i thought was healthy marriage time due to female probs for which i sought help from ob/gyn. when i finally got approved for hystetectomy...i had surgery. after recovery..my drive went high but...he then was hooked on porno and that led to affair and rest is history. hoping someday ill find someone. the depression from sexless life is getting to me and not just that but lack of healthy relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Threetimesalady

I wrote down 3 to 5 times a week, but I'm not going to get it that much so I am content...I am a sexual woman...I proved that by darn near getting myself in trouble years ago with my boss before we were married...This to me taught me the true workings of a woman who is in heat and want for fulfillment...I have never forgotten this lesson in life...From this lesson I have grown...Learned to accept the wanting woman who lives within me and go with it...I believe being sexual and liking yourself has a lot to do with what you do and who you are...I married a boy/man who I could still eat alive...And I have been known to do this on more than a few occasions...

Feeling the way I do about myself has kept me as well as him young...Our bodies have aged, but that's it...Oh, he struggles with getting hard at times, but I help him out...We in our older age (he will be 79 and me 78) have learned that you can lay in each others arms and **** each other with your eyes...This part of us has never changed and has led to some hot sex...In the last 20 months I just about lost him twice...This lesson in life has taught me more than books could ever explain...I believe this is important in a marriage......

A woman MUST have strong sexual feelings for her lover/husband to want to mate...It cannot be something that she plays let's pretend to and make it fun...Her mind must awaken her body...Unless she can do this and feels this inside she cannot attain the goal in life that sex was made to be and do...This is all a part of the wanting and love between two people that we have had for all these years...

I am a horny old woman...I look good and I am good...This alone is paramount with the feelings of a woman to make love...She must be able to lose herself in what she is doing and let herself go...Needless to say my husband sees and feels this want in me and it is pretty much katy bar the door...We are two fools in love...

I probably will take this post off as I have gone too much into our story of love...I guess this is kind of a prelude to my wanting to speak of older age and a marriage that was made in heaven yet has known hell...Now for some football....


----------



## notadoormat

three: i hope you dont delete that post. it is lovely written and inspiring. thank you so much for sharing your story.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## EleGirl

Deejo said:


> Do keep in mind that many of the women posting, are posting about what they would like for frequency ... but not what they have, or want, with their partner.





Middle of Everything said:


> With their partner. That is the part that makes it so very sad/cruel.
> 
> I think knowing your wife wants frequent sex, just not with you could be one of the most soul-crushing things a man could learn.


Many of the women on here are not having as much sex as they want with their partner, because their partner does not want as much sex. In some cases the husband just does not want sex with his wife.. not at least not often. Or he's LD.


----------



## Rainbow_Falls

EleGirl said:


> Apparently a lot of horny women end up with the same fate as a lot of horny men.... a spouse who does not want sex. It's like the marriage gods have a very sick sense of humor.


:iagree:


----------



## ing

Hello. I'm male but thought I would chip in on my SO's behalf.
I can do this because we met on ******* and both being slightly more nerdy than Sheldon ( from Big Bang) filled in all the ******* questions before meeting. 
Because we were answering questions in a general way rather than attempting to match a given person both women and men tend to be more open about their answers. There are a few broad categories and you do not have to answer any of the questions so it tends to be self selecting. The categories that I thought important ( and independently of my SO ) were:
*Ethics*
What are your core values, politics, thoughts on incest.. yes. that too.
*Sex *
how often, kinks, desires, and many other intimate questions.
*Dating*
Do you cheat, what do you consider cheating, are you into polyandrous relationships ( puke) Date preference, 

You are then matched by % to people based on age preference and geographic proximity. 
My SO started as a 92% match. By answering more of each others questions this went down to 84%



This may all sound very statistical and unromantic but what it does do is to be able to pre-select those who are sexually incompatible. I find it interesting that by far the most answered questions on ******* are the sex related ones. At my age many people have been in a long relationship with someone totally incompatible sexually and are keen not to repeat it.

So I can answer for my SO. She wants sex daily with 5-6 orgasms a week and likes all sorts of kinks. This is ideal and if we get 4 times a week we are doing well! She is also bi-sexual. and we have discussed this at length prior to getting into a relationship. The upshot is that we perv together at women while watching TV. 

I have to say that being with someone with a similar drive to me is sensational. I have a bloody manual on what turns her on. As she does. 


That may look like an advert for ******* but really it an advert for communication. My ExW was totally sexually incompatible and I went most of my 20's, 30's and half my 40's loving her in a way that was not felt by her. Never again will I stay in a relationship without sex and intimacy. I bent over backwards to turn her on. I tried everything in my power but she just wasn't into me. It is pretty hard to think about now and says alot about about my confidence levels.


----------



## Thundarr

ing said:


> Hello. I'm male but thought I would chip in on my SO's behalf.
> I can do this because we met on ******* and both being slightly more nerdy than Sheldon ( from Big Bang) filled in all the ******* questions before meeting.


I don't expect to ever be looking again because things are right already but looking back, something like ******* would have been right up my alley. Anything that filters out incompatibilities is a good and if it picks up on crazy fetishes then that's even better.



> The upshot is that we perv together at women while watching TV.


Yea that is cool. My wife isn't bi so sometimes I have to point out which women are sexy versus pretty. I'm not either so sometimes she has to point out when an ugly guy has sex appeal.


----------



## Holland

Thundarr said:


> I don't expect to ever be looking again because things are right alread*y but looking back, something like ******* would have been right up my alley. Anything that filters out incompatibilities is a good and if it picks up on crazy fetishes then that's even better.*
> 
> 
> Yea that is cool. My wife isn't bi so sometimes I have to point out which women are sexy versus pretty. I'm not either so sometimes she has to point out when an ugly guy has sex appeal.


My biggest mistake in life was not seeing that the ex'sinability to communicate about sex was a massive red flag.

You don't need a questionaire to filter out incompatibilities, took me till mid life to understand that it is as simple as communication, discussion.
Mr H and I met via OLD, chatted twice before a coffee meet, by then we had already discussed sex, desired frequency, past lives etc. It has all been rocking along nicely since then because we already knew each other was HD.


----------



## Thundarr

Holland said:


> My biggest mistake in life was not seeing that the ex'sinability to communicate about sex was a massive red flag.
> 
> You don't need a questionaire to filter out incompatibilities, took me till mid life to understand that it is as simple as communication, discussion.
> Mr H and I met via OLD, chatted twice before a coffee meet, by then we had already discussed sex, desired frequency, past lives etc. It has all been rocking along nicely since then because we already knew each other was HD.


Yes but you did have to trust that he was honest with you. Fortunately he was honest and my wife was as well so we got lucky. But we know people have tendency to project whatever they think we want to see and sometimes when dating, it takes a while for us to see past the false projection. Dating sites with anonymous questionnaires at least make that party easier.

The big problem though with dating sites is probably fraud. By fraud I mean people might say whatever they think people want to hear. So in other words, IRL or virtual are both risky. It would suck to be single .


----------



## Holland

Actually I enjoyed being single while it lasted. Main issue was to stay safe and never let anyone meet my kids until proven that it was a LTR in the making.

You know what Thundarr I did have trust that he was being honest. Good indication for me was when he told me about his "solo time" habits, quiet the Superman in that regard. For me this was a good sign, he was able to talk about such things openly and that he had a very healthy desire level. Even so after my past marriage I was treading carefully for the first 12 months JIC I again got stuck with a LD man pretending to be HD. If anything his drive is increasing, I feel like the luckiest woman on Earth.

The difference with my ex is that stupidly (on both our sides) we never discussed sex, I would have like to but he was not capable or comfortable with it. So IME discussion is the key indicator, quiz's are good for a bit of fun though.


----------



## MachoMcCoy

Not reading all of the replies, but somehow those poll results don't even come CLOSE to what the thousands of threads I read say. And of all of the times for me to "win" the lottery, THIS is when I get a woman in the "top" 1.22% of the population? Can't be.


----------



## Anonymous07

MachoMcCoy said:


> Not reading all of the replies, but somehow those poll results don't even come CLOSE to what the thousands of threads I read say. And of all of the times for me to "win" the lottery, THIS is when I get a woman in the "top" 1.22% of the population? Can't be.


Maybe because a lot of women don't talk about it. It's been ingrained in our minds that men "want sex 24/7" and that women have to "keep up" because that is how the stereotype goes. Sometimes if a woman admits to being high drive(HD), she gets labeled as a "slvt" or other names, so many keep quiet about sexual issues. It has only been lately(last decade or so) that many women have come forward saying that they are unhappy with their sex lives. I have a higher sex drive than my husband, as do many other women.


----------



## Autumn8

My sex drive is low actually. I can do without for periods of time. Maybe it has something to do with stress. 
When I was younger I had a higher drive.
I went to the doctor for a general check up and surprisingly she asked me what my drive was like and I told her it was on the low side and she said to just like people who have high drives there are many with low drives.


----------



## EleGirl

The top of some thinking that most women only have responsive desire came up again today. I thought that I would get this thread active again since we have a lot of new female posts on TAM these days. See if they will chime in.


----------



## KaraBoo0723

EleGirl said:


> Only want women to answer the poll.
> 
> 
> 
> Answer what you would like for the frequency of sex, not how much you may or may not being it at this time.
> 
> 
> 
> If you are man, please do not answer the poll. But of course you are free to post.




Daily


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Fozzy

EleGirl said:


> The top of some thinking that most women only have responsive desire came up again today. I thought that I would get this thread active again since we have a lot of new female posts on TAM these days. See if they will chime in.


Hadn't seen this post before--good idea.

I think Deejo raises a good point above about whether you'd get different results if you added "with your spouse/SO" to the question. Perhaps a new poll incorporating this? example:
High drive
High drive but lower with spouse
Low drive
Low drive but lower with spouse
Low drive but higher with spouse
etc.


----------



## Capricious

-


----------



## heartbroken50

Capricious said:


> I never would have considered myself HD till TAM. I do desire sex daily. My husband and I are pretty evenly matched,though at times I could be slightly higher than him. Having said that, he has never refused me and always makes sure I am fully satisfied each and every time.
> We have sex 5-6 times a week. Might skip a day or so if one of us is really tired, otherwise we always make time for each other. A big priority for us in our marriage.



Daily for me too...

What you describe was H and I when we were happy. I miss that


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Capricious said:


> I never would have considered myself HD till TAM. I do desire sex daily. My husband and I are pretty evenly matched,though at times I could be slightly higher than him. Having said that, he has never refused me and always makes sure I am fully satisfied each and every time.
> We have sex 5-6 times a week. Might skip a day or so if one of us is really tired, otherwise we always make time for each other. A big priority for us in our marriage.


My drive was seriously 3 times higher over my husband's during my high drive spell... I remember wanting nothing more in life than his drive to be EQUAL to mine, or higher again.. it was like a prayer.. this was a new experience for me, really opened my eyes WIDE.... as his was HIGHER for our 1st 19 yrs together.. 

I just never realized how tormenting that CAN BE -just imagining being rejected.. I would read threads here & get very emotional feeling for the higher drive spouse....

My husband didn't reject me.. but I had to get him going.. thankfully he was happy to oblige... gotta say, that little blue pill sure came in handy on a # of nights!


----------



## Capricious

heartbroken50 said:


> Daily for me too...
> 
> What you describe was H and I when we were happy. I miss that


Hugs. That would soul crashing for me.


----------



## Capricious

SimplyAmorous said:


> My drive was seriously 3 times higher over my husband's during my high drive spell... I remember wanting nothing more in life than his drive to be EQUAL to mine, or higher again.. it was like a prayer.. this was a new experience for me, really opened my eyes WIDE.... as his was HIGHER for our 1st 19 yrs together..
> 
> I just never realized how tormenting that CAN BE -just imagining being rejected.. I would read threads here & get very emotional feeling for the higher drive spouse....
> 
> My husband didn't reject me.. but I had to get him going.. thankfully he was happy to oblige... gotta say, that little blue pill sure came in handy on a # of nights


----------



## SimplyAmorous

.


----------



## EleGirl

Bump


----------



## prunus

I have no idea what it's like. I've been sex deprived for the last 23 years.


----------



## Marc878

and the winner is??? Waiting with baited breath!!!!


----------



## heartsbeating

FaithfulWife wrote of contrasts in another thread.

What's my sex drive like... it was a rare occasion that my husband had his fireman boots at home. Seeing the contrast of his big boots by the front door, next to my smaller shoes, was alluring. Looking at his boots had me wanting him. It's not a shoe fetish. I'm just into him.


----------



## Luv2bluved

I would love to have sex 3-5 Times a week. My husband maybe 1 x per week if I'm lucky. How do I get more from him. He gets a BJ whenever we have sex. I love to please him but it is not something he does for me.


----------



## MrsHolland

heartsbeating said:


> FaithfulWife wrote of contrasts in another thread.
> 
> What's my sex drive like... it was a rare occasion that my husband had his fireman boots at home. Seeing the contrast of his big boots by the front door, next to my smaller shoes, was alluring. Looking at his boots had me wanting him. It's not a shoe fetish. I'm just into him.


Your husband is a Fireman?

OK my first official TAM jealousy.


----------



## alexm

Luv2bluved said:


> I would love to have sex 3-5 Times a week. My husband maybe 1 x per week if I'm lucky. How do I get more from him. He gets a BJ whenever we have sex. I love to please him but it is not something he does for me.


Communication - talk to him. Ask him what his desire level is, and if once per week is really what he wants. Don't make him feel ashamed of it (ie. make him feel like he's defective because he only wants it once a week). Ask him what he wants out of his sex life with you.

There are so many reasons he 'only' wants it once a week, and you have to be the one to find out, not us. We can only speculate. He may be LD. He may not be that in to you. He may be stressed or tired. He may have little to no sexual confidence. He may secretly want you to be the aggressor and just jump him.

And along those lines, he may want, or even require you, to direct him, tell him what to do, what you want him to do to you, etc. Human sexuality is different in everybody. He may want you to be more domineering, take charge, even 'use' him. Who knows. The best sex I have with my wife is on the rare occasion where she asks, demands, or otherwise directs me to do what she wants me to do, or what she's in the mood for at that particular time. It's not that I'm submissive, it's more that it indicates to me that she wants me, and specifically wants me to do something in particular. That's a turn-on for me, and it works. I guess I like a take-charge kind of woman in the bedroom.

You can find out all these things by talking to him.

As an aside, my ex wife really didn't communicate with me about what she wanted - only what she didn't want. That resulted in bad sex (for both of us). Neither of us took the initiative to discuss these things, and we both lost out. We weren't sexually compatible, but we _could_ have been. The blame for that was 50/50. She should have been able to communicate to me what she wanted, or wanted me to do. I could have asked her. So for years, our sex life was, truly, nothing but quickies, and I think we both resigned ourselves to that. I don't recall ever discussing sex with my ex wife, ever, and we were together almost 14 years. Sad, really.


----------



## heartsbeating

MrsHolland said:


> Your husband is a Fireman?
> 
> OK my first official TAM jealousy.


He's a volunteer firefighter.


I've already suggested they make a calendar. 0


----------



## *Deidre*

3 to 5 times per week. My fiance wants it every day, and I try to oblige. lol


----------



## introvert

I'm a high drive female who is with another high drive female, finally! All of my past failed relationships were due to differences in sex drive, so I feel like I finally got it right this time.


----------



## MrsHolland

heartsbeating said:


> He's a volunteer firefighter.
> 
> 
> I've already suggested they make a calendar. 0


Well until they do, you can share mine. enjoy 

https://www.firefighterscalendar.com.au/_c/meet-firefighters/qld-calendar/


----------



## heartsbeating

MrsHolland said:


> Well until they do, you can share mine. enjoy
> 
> https://www.firefighterscalendar.com.au/_c/meet-firefighters/qld-calendar/


Purrrrfect. 

...And the reason why they didn't go for the idea!


Hubs told me when they were finishing a task (in turnout gear), a little girl about 6 shyly went up to him and said 'Thank you for everything you do and for keeping us safe..' He said it was one of the most heartwarming moments he's experienced. That's sweet... my hormones had the urge to bonk him silly.


----------



## heartsbeating

I will add though, it's a lot of commitment and discipline. And when the 'bat signal' goes off, I do have a momentary intake of breath, wondering what he's going to. I've learned, and still learning, how best to support him and what that looks like. What I admire is that he set his mind to doing this and the personal growth he's experiencing as a result is immense. He has also included me as much as possible and that is something I have appreciated. And that time we were heading out for a dinner date and the bat signal went off... he looked to me and I asked him to skip that one. He respected my request. Granted he still checked what the scenario was and then focused back on our evening.


----------



## Affaircare

I'm 55yo and I am about a 5 days a week gal. I can go daily for a while and then a day or two off is nice. With Dear Hubby's illness it's been very limited and maybe 1-2 per week with adaptations... so for me that's been frustrating and I miss it! But I have hope because no matter how sick he got, he always still had desire in his heart even if his body had troubles.


----------



## arbitrator

*I, for one, am absolutely astounded by these poll results!

Let's just say that if I'm ever to say "I do" again to a third Ms. Arb, I'm going to take the results of this poll, plop them down in front of her, kindly smile at her, and then tell her, "Sweetheart, I don't really know how you feel about the performance of loving marital sex, but guess what ~ if you're going to be my wife, and if for some reason you don't really like doing it, then you're about to find yourself undertaking a brand new hobby!

If not, then I can be miserable all by myself!"

Long story short ~ she too, is going to have to overwhelmingly convince me, against all doubts that, she too, is a preeminent HD!*


----------



## EllisRedding

arbitrator said:


> ]I, for one, am absolutely astounded by these poll results!


Right there with you Arb, definitely doesn't match up with my experience, experience of others I know, or some of the stuff I have read. 

Would be interesting as well to hear how much the desire matches up with reality. For example, I would classify my W as responsive desire. So on one hand she could say that she would desire sex 3+ days a week (the caveat being this would fall almost 100% on me to initiate). On the other hand she has no issues going a month or more without. So she likes the idea of it (and enjoys it very much when it happens) but the drive to make it happens doesn't quite match up.


----------



## wild jade

arbitrator said:


> I, for one, am absolutely astounded by these poll results!





EllisRedding said:


> Right there with you Arb, definitely doesn't match up with my experience, experience of others I know, or some of the stuff I have read.


Well, for balance, I for one am astounded by the TAM insistence that women don't like sex. All the women in my sphere are quite interested and quite sexual, and when they say they desire sex 3x or more per week, I believe them instead of doubting them. 

Just because someone "could" say something doesn't mean they will, particularly if it's a lie.


----------



## EllisRedding

wild jade said:


> Well, for balance, I for one am astounded by the TAM insistence that women don't like sex. All the women in my sphere are quite interested and quite sexual, and when they say they desire sex 3x or more per week, I believe them instead of doubting them.
> 
> Just because someone "could" say something doesn't mean they will, particularly if it's a lie.


It is interesting the varying opinions based on experiences. I will say, my opinion to some extent has changed bases on some of the postings here by the ladies, even if it doesn't match personal experiences. 

Then again, TAM would suck if we all agreed on everything :grin2:


----------



## anonmd

I have no doubt this 2 year old poll reflects the opinion of the respondents, why lie? 

Also have no doubt it is not representative of the general population of women, actually check that - the general population of women married for more than a year or two . 

I bet there are very few men on this site with a very low sex drive, the same could be expected to be true of women. Does not mean there are not a lot of both in the world...


----------



## uhtred

There is a big selection effect here that LD people are unlikely to go to a site and get into discussions about sex. It isn't important to them. I think the people answering the poll are telling the truth, but they may not be a representative sample of the population in general.

Also, talking about sex is different from actually having sex. I that at least for my wife, the idea of sex sometime in the future is great, just never at any particular actual time in the present. If she were to talk with friends I expect that they would get the impression that we have a great sex life. 






wild jade said:


> Well, for balance, I for one am astounded by the TAM insistence that women don't like sex. All the women in my sphere are quite interested and quite sexual, and when they say they desire sex 3x or more per week, I believe them instead of doubting them.
> 
> Just because someone "could" say something doesn't mean they will, particularly if it's a lie.


----------



## wild jade

uhtred said:


> There is a big selection effect here that LD people are unlikely to go to a site and get into discussions about sex. It isn't important to them. I think the people answering the poll are telling the truth, but they may not be a representative sample of the population in general.
> 
> Also, talking about sex is different from actually having sex. I that at least for my wife, the idea of sex sometime in the future is great, just never at any particular actual time in the present. If she were to talk with friends I expect that they would get the impression that we have a great sex life.


Yes, talking is different from doing it. But research actually shows that women downplay their sexuality, while men up-play it. Women are much more likely to report fewer sexual partners than they've actually had, lower frequencies than they actually engage in, as well as fewer kinks. And so on. You get the idea.

So, I'm sorry for you that your wife doesn't particularly like sex. And I'm sorry that TAM seems to be a big draw for men in this same boat. But I'm still not buying the TAM belief that women in general don't like sex.


----------



## wild jade

EllisRedding said:


> It is interesting the varying opinions based on experiences. I will say, my opinion to some extent has changed bases on some of the postings here by the ladies, even if it doesn't match personal experiences.
> 
> Then again, TAM would suck if we all agreed on everything :grin2:


Yes, one thing I've learned from reading at this site is that demographics are a huge thing. I often feel like an alien from another planet or a fish out of water here. Very different world than the one I'm used to.


----------



## uhtred

I agree that women in general do enjoy sex, as do men. No idea of the relative numbers. 

My only point was that its not easy to know from surveys and the like due to selection bias. 

In some sense the numbers really don't matter. No one is married to the "average" man or woman, they are married to a specific man or woman, and only that persons interests matter. 




wild jade said:


> Yes, talking is different from doing it. But research actually shows that women downplay their sexuality, while men up-play it. Women are much more likely to report fewer sexual partners than they've actually had, lower frequencies than they actually engage in, as well as fewer kinks. And so on. You get the idea.
> 
> So, I'm sorry for you that your wife doesn't particularly like sex. And I'm sorry that TAM seems to be a big draw for men in this same boat. But I'm still not buying the TAM belief that women in general don't like sex.


----------



## Affaircare

To carry this discussion a little further, I actually did a "7 Day Sex Challenge" once (if you will)--this was about 5 years ago--and what I found out about myself was invaluable. The idea of the challenge was to take one week and no matter what, have sex every day at least once. As I mentioned in my post, I'm about a 5 days a week gal. I am usually about half way turned on and just need a little encouragement to finish the other half and be deeply "in the mood." I generally am most in the mood at night, but occasionally mornings hit me or a great afternoon kiss gets the motor running. 

But taking this challenge I discovered that almost every day I had thoughts in my mind about reasons why "I couldn't have sex today." It was like this: I made a commitment to have sex every day for seven days, and day 1 I felt like I was fighting off a cold, day 2 I was just finishing laundry and still "working" late at night, day 3 I was tired....etc. You get the drift. Nonetheless, even though I started off with those thought in my head of "all the reasons I couldn't have sex that day" I followed through to see if I could and what it wold be like and whatnot. What I learned is that rather than allowing my head to think: "It's okay--you're tired but loving, touching, squeezing will make you feel happy" I had fallen into the habit of only thinking about "why not"! 

I'm not sure if this makes any sense, but once I discovered that pattern in my own head, I realized I just had to change the dialogue in my head to myself. So I still pretty much think "I'm tired" but I've worked at talking back to myself and saying "Yeah, I am but sex is close and relaxing and enjoyable. Do it!" and then I do and enjoy it deeply! 

I think this survey is fairly representative of the actual desire of women. I think "average" women would be coolish with 3-5 times a week or more, and "average" men might be a bit higher but similarish. But what I think happens is that if and a high drive male or female is married to a low drive spouse, they come here to talk about it. If an "average" man or woman marries another "average" drive spouse, they have nothing to complain about and thus we don't hear from them! They are out there! 

I also think that when women answer a survey like this, they may tend to think: "Oh sure if everything was perfect how often does my body want and enjoy sex?" without realistically realizing that 90% of life IS NOT PERFECT! So if you only want sex "when everything's perfect" that's part of the problem. How often do you want sex if you're tired, he's sick from a cold, and the kids won't go to sleep?


----------



## Luvher4life

After about the first six pages or so, I stopped reading, but I must say I'm a little surprised at the results I'm seeing. If you ladies are not getting enough maybe y'all should start feeding your man a "mixed" drink of sorts with some Viagra, Cialis, or something. Call it a blue (or orange) roofy... >

I kid..., I kid...:grin2:

I don't know for sure about my wife what her actual drive is, but I would suspect it to be in the 3 to 5 times a week category. The reason I don't know for sure is because she can't (or won't) say no, and once it starts...:smile2:

I used to be able to go multiple times a day. Now that I am 55 years old..., once a day is usually enough. Heck, I even need a day off about once a week..., though sometimes that doesn't happen because she wants... After 20 years you'd think we would be more in sync..., but I guess that's the price you pay for being committed..., or...., maybe I should be "committed"...

What was the question again?:surprise:


----------



## release2016

I haven't read all the posts but seeing this thread has set me thinking ...

Needing to have sex can be totally different to how often you think you should have it. For example maybe a woman might reply twice a week in the poll because she feels that is a good compromise bearing in mind the higher and lower drives that exist in her relationship. 

Am I the only woman to wonder if I even know what my true sex drive is - because my H has a higher drive and I _seldom _get to the point of feeling 100% ravenous for sex (like I just gotta have it), as opposed to just feeling somewhat randy or 90% wanting it so to speak. So if your spouse has the higher drive and you constantly meet, or try to meet, that higher drive, how can you work out what your true drive is? 

Like if you've always got food in the kitchen can you truly say you know what real hunger is?


----------



## MrsHolland

Well here we go again, men telling women what our sex drives are. Seems some do not accept anything past their own narrow experience of women. 

OK to be fair and in the spirit of equality. I have had two husbands, one LD and one HD therefore it is a proven point that 50% of men are HD and 50% of men are LD, The End!


----------



## Luvher4life

Where did that come from, MrsHolland? I guess I must've missed something. Your sex drive is what it is, and the only one who can say what it is is yourself. It's been my experience that the majority of women have medium to high sex drives, and this thread reinforced that. I appreciate the idea that the women on here at least can give honest answers, and they really shouldn't be made to feel like they are being grilled because it doesn't fit into "some" men's experiences. If they are not at least medium, my thoughts are that they have an underlying reason as to why that is, and even then it doesn't mean they are "abnormal".

I, for one, appreciate the candor. It's good to know that women enjoy sex just as much, if not more, as us men, and I do think the poll will reflect pretty close to the real world sex drive averages.


----------



## 269370

firebelly1 said:


> I would also like a nice pounding twice a week or so, *and circus sex once a week*. But during the work week, I want sex, I just want it to be relatively quick.
> 
> On vacation - three times a day, every day.


What's this "circus sex" that has been mentioned a few times? Do I need to dress up as a clown for this or will a magic wand do? (Seriously: some examples would be helpful as I have no idea what that term implies). 

Me and my wife have very mis-matched sex drives unfortunately: I need it every day or so and she is more of a 7-times-a-week girl, though we are trying to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle 

In reality, I do notice that my "demand" is more regular (every one or two days would be perfect) while hers is much more concentrated around "ovulation" time. Do the women with HD, still experience HD during period as well or is it also "clustering" during certain weeks? The former seems (biologically) improbable.

Edit: The times which really stuck in my memory were 2nd trimesters of her pregnancies (if I am not mistaken, or could have been 3rd): she would go completely insane, not just for sex but crazy sex (I don't know if this is circus territory). She would "attack" me in the middle of the night and do the craziest things in the most animalistic ways. I miss those times. (Again, how does it make sense, biologically?)
It seems she is very susceptible to hormones (she also turns to monster during PMS). Nowadays, I am trying and keep her cycle calendar on my iphone, as it helps me to roughly know how to behave with her (by predicting when it's ok to sexually "assault" her, without getting too much china thrown my way along the way). Hormones can be tricky.


----------



## FeministInPink

inmyprime said:


> What's this "circus sex" that has been mentioned a few times? Do I need to dress up as a clown for this or will a magic wand do? (Seriously: some examples would be helpful as I have no idea what that term implies).
> 
> Me and my wife have very mis-matched sex drives unfortunately: I need it every day or so and she is more of a 7-times-a-week girl, though we are trying to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle
> 
> In reality, I do notice that my "demand" is more regular (every one or two days would be perfect) while hers is much more concentrated around "ovulation" time. Do the women with HD, still experience HD during period as well or is it also "clustering" during certain weeks? The former seems (biologically) improbable.
> 
> Edit: The times which really stuck in my memory were 2nd trimesters of her pregnancies (if I am not mistaken, or could have been 3rd): she would go completely insane, not just for sex but crazy sex (I don't know if this is circus territory). She would "attack" me in the middle of the night and do the craziest things in the most animalistic ways. I miss those times. (Again, how does it make sense, biologically?)
> It seems she is very susceptible to hormones (she also turns to monster during PMS). Nowadays, I am trying and keep her cycle calendar on my iphone, as it helps me to roughly know how to behave with her (by predicting when it's ok to sexually "assault" her, without getting too much china thrown my way along the way). Hormones can be tricky.


I can't speak for anyone but myself. I'm on hormonal birth control, so I don't have an ovulation phase. My partner and I mostly see each other on the weekends (we don't live together), and I'm always raring to go when I see him. I think it's a combo of 1) his pheromones turn me on, and 2) the anticipation of knowing that we're going to get it on ramps me up. During the week, my drive drops a little bit, I think partially because my brain knows it's not sexy time. But if he were to booty call me during the week, I'm always up for it, and he always has been as well, but that doesn't happen very often, or it hasn't recently, because we've spent a LOT of time together in the last two months--9 or 10 days straight over Thanksgiving (time off work for me), 9 or 10 days straight over Christmas/New Year's (again, time off work), and a 3-day weekend for MLK day and another 3-day weekend for the inauguration. This will be my last 3-day weekend until May, so I expect the pattern will change soon.

When I was NOT on BC, I was most horny during ovulation, and again at the end of my period. But I was still HD consistently during the month, just more so at those particular times.

Now, I use my BC to skip my periods, so I only have one every 3-4 months. I try to time it for when my partner is out of town, or has a houseguest. And I still get super horny towards the end of my period. I'm not sure if it's because of my hormones, or because we haven't had sex in a week or so at that point. Once I reach 7 days without having sex, I'm freaking climbing the walls, BC or not. My partner and I have gotten into a silly fight or two about it, because going without that long makes me cranky. He's learned that I need to be serviced at least once a week to keep me happy, even if he's not feeling particularly in the mood at that moment in time. Sometimes that means that he just plays with me and gets me off, and he definitely makes up for the fact that we're not having PIV sex.


----------



## 269370

FeministInPink said:


> He's learned that I need to be serviced at least once a week to keep me happy, even if he's not feeling particularly in the mood at that moment in time. Sometimes that means that he just plays with me and gets me off, and he definitely makes up for the fact that we're not having PIV sex.


How did you teach him, may I ask? It seems to me that either men are better at learning or women are better at teaching this aspect.
A lot of men seem to struggle to the point of wrecking their lives when it comes to laying bare their sexual needs.


----------



## FeministInPink

inmyprime said:


> How did you teach him, may I ask? It seems to me that either men are better at learning or women are better at teaching this aspect.
> A lot of men seem to struggle to the point of wrecking their lives when it comes to laying bare their sexual needs.


I didn't teach him, not intentionally, anyway. He just pays VERY CLOSE ATTENTION. He noticed that the longer we go without, the more sensitive I get. I got upset over something last Sunday, and he responded, "what I'm hearing is that you're feeling neglected and need me to pay attention to you." And he was right on target. Sometimes I'm good at articulating it, sometimes I'm not. And when I'm not, he's good at picking up on it.

Honestly, I'm amazed at how closely he listens to me when it comes to me communicating my needs and how responsive he is when I am unhappy about something.


----------



## 269370

FeministInPink said:


> I didn't teach him, not intentionally, anyway. He just pays VERY CLOSE ATTENTION. He noticed that the longer we go without, the more sensitive I get. I got upset over something last Sunday, and he responded, "what I'm hearing is that you're feeling neglected and need me to pay attention to you." And he was right on target. Sometimes I'm good at articulating it, sometimes I'm not. And when I'm not, he's good at picking up on it.
> 
> Honestly, I'm amazed at how closely he listens to me when it comes to me communicating my needs and how responsive he is when I am unhappy about something.


I wish I could solve every argument we have, with an orgasm for my wife :scratchhead:
Sometimes she gets horny, from arguing and sometimes I can tell. When I can't tell, it can be somewhat humiliating. I used to just start undressing, every time she raised her voice. But with kids around, it's not so straightforward anymore.


----------



## Good Guy

Threetimesalady said:


> I wrote down 3 to 5 times a week, but I'm not going to get it that much so I am content...I am a sexual woman...I proved that by darn near getting myself in trouble years ago with my boss before we were married...This to me taught me the true workings of a woman who is in heat and want for fulfillment...I have never forgotten this lesson in life...From this lesson I have grown...Learned to accept the wanting woman who lives within me and go with it...I believe being sexual and liking yourself has a lot to do with what you do and who you are...I married a boy/man who I could still eat alive...And I have been known to do this on more than a few occasions...
> 
> Feeling the way I do about myself has kept me as well as him young...Our bodies have aged, but that's it...Oh, he struggles with getting hard at times, but I help him out...We in our older age (he will be 79 and me 78) have learned that you can lay in each others arms and **** each other with your eyes...This part of us has never changed and has led to some hot sex...In the last 20 months I just about lost him twice...This lesson in life has taught me more than books could ever explain...I believe this is important in a marriage......
> 
> A woman MUST have strong sexual feelings for her lover/husband to want to mate...It cannot be something that she plays let's pretend to and make it fun...Her mind must awaken her body...Unless she can do this and feels this inside she cannot attain the goal in life that sex was made to be and do...This is all a part of the wanting and love between two people that we have had for all these years...
> 
> I am a horny old woman...I look good and I am good...This alone is paramount with the feelings of a woman to make love...She must be able to lose herself in what she is doing and let herself go...Needless to say my husband sees and feels this want in me and it is pretty much katy bar the door...We are two fools in love...
> 
> I probably will take this post off as I have gone too much into our story of love...I guess this is kind of a prelude to my wanting to speak of older age and a marriage that was made in heaven yet has known hell...Now for some football....


That's wonderful.


----------



## FeministInPink

inmyprime said:


> I wish I could solve every argument we have, with an orgasm for my wife :scratchhead:
> Sometimes she gets horny, from arguing and sometimes I can tell. When I can't tell, it can be somewhat humiliating. I used to just start undressing, every time she raised her voice. But with kids around, it's not so straightforward anymore.


Well, in this particular instance/argument, I really WAS upset because he was neglecting me, when I had set aside my weekend to be with him. I was upset because if he was going to waste my time by not being fully present, why was I even there, when I could be doing something productive with my time? It was a question of reminding him to prioritize appropriately. What he was wasting time on could have very easily be done at another time when I wasn't around.

ETA: And this doesn't happen often, but it has happened once or twice. And he's said he would rather that I call him on it right away, and b!tch at him if I need to, rather than keeping it to myself and letting it fester.


----------



## EleGirl

Let’s see if any of the newer female posters want to add their 2 cents to this thread.


----------



## hifromme67

If I could, I would like it every other day. My husband can sometimes hang with me other times not.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl

release2016 said:


> I haven't read all the posts but seeing this thread has set me thinking ...
> 
> Needing to have sex can be totally different to how often you think you should have it. For example maybe a woman might reply twice a week in the poll because she feels that is a good compromise bearing in mind the higher and lower drives that exist in her relationship.
> 
> Am I the only woman to wonder if I even know what my true sex drive is - because my H has a higher drive and I _seldom _get to the point of feeling 100% ravenous for sex (like I just gotta have it), as opposed to just feeling somewhat randy or 90% wanting it so to speak. So if your spouse has the higher drive and you constantly meet, or try to meet, that higher drive, how can you work out what your true drive is?
> 
> Like if you've always got food in the kitchen can you truly say you know what real hunger is?


A lot of the women responding on this thread know what their sex drive is.

For on thing many are not in relationships with husbands like yours. Many of us have higher drives than the man/men in our lives. And many are very in tune with their own sexuality.


----------



## EleGirl

Luvher4life said:


> Where did that come from, MrsHolland? I guess I must've missed something. Your sex drive is what it is, and the only one who can say what it is is yourself. It's been my experience that the majority of women have medium to high sex drives, and this thread reinforced that. I appreciate the idea that the women on here at least can give honest answers, and they really shouldn't be made to feel like they are being grilled because it doesn't fit into "some" men's experiences. If they are not at least medium, my thoughts are that they have an underlying reason as to why that is, and even then it doesn't mean they are "abnormal".
> 
> I, for one, appreciate the candor. It's good to know that women enjoy sex just as much, if not more, as us men, and I do think the poll will reflect pretty close to the real world sex drive averages.


MrsHolland is referring to the men on this thread who post and try contradicting what women here are saying about their own sex drive.


----------



## EleGirl

inmyprime said:


> What's this "circus sex" that has been mentioned a few times? Do I need to dress up as a clown for this or will a magic wand do? (Seriously: some examples would be helpful as I have no idea what that term implies).
> 
> Me and my wife have very mis-matched sex drives unfortunately: I need it every day or so and she is more of a 7-times-a-week girl, though we are trying to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle
> 
> In reality, I do notice that my "demand" is more regular (every one or two days would be perfect) while hers is much more concentrated around "ovulation" time. Do the women with HD, still experience HD during period as well or is it also "clustering" during certain weeks? The former seems (biologically) improbable.
> 
> Edit: The times which really stuck in my memory were 2nd trimesters of her pregnancies (if I am not mistaken, or could have been 3rd): she would go completely insane, not just for sex but crazy sex (I don't know if this is circus territory). She would "attack" me in the middle of the night and do the craziest things in the most animalistic ways. I miss those times. (Again, how does it make sense, biologically?)
> It seems she is very susceptible to hormones (she also turns to monster during PMS). Nowadays, I am trying and keep her cycle calendar on my iphone, as it helps me to roughly know how to behave with her (by predicting when it's ok to sexually "assault" her, without getting too much china thrown my way along the way). Hormones can be tricky.


Going crazy during times of hormonal changes makes perfect sense biologically. I found that lots of sex will even out and help control PMS and times my hormones get off kilter. So yea, it's biological. Sex is a great cure for those times.


----------



## EunuchMonk

inmyprime said:


> Me and my wife have very mis-matched sex drives unfortunately: I need it every day or so and she is more of a 7-times-a-week girl, though we are trying to compromise and meet somewhere in the middle


You want it every day and she wants it seven times a week but your drives are mismatched? Explain. Is that a typo?


----------



## Joey2k

EunuchMonk said:


> You want it every day and she wants it seven times a week but your drives are mismatched? Explain. Is that a typo?


Pretty sure he was making a joke.


----------



## EleGirl

posting here to bump this thread and to hopefully get more women to record their response.

Also in reply to this thread Spotting the Nymphos


----------



## Faithful Wife

Great idea, Ele!


----------



## Edmund

Responses should include age range, e.g. 18-25, 26-35, 36-45, 46-55, 56-65, 66+

I can tell you from experience that there is a big difference between 25 and 65 years old, for women.


----------



## minimalME

Edmund said:


> I can tell you from experience that there is a big difference between 25 and 65 years old, for women.


I'm 51, and I've been perimenopausal for about 6 years now, and I actually want sex more now than I did when I was 25 - because I know myself better, and I know what I like.


----------



## LeananSidhe

This is nice to see. I think sometimes the men here have a skewed idea of what’s “normal” for women. A lot of men come to TAM to talk about their wives not wanting sex and meet others in the same boat. Suddenly it seems to them that most women don’t want sex. 
Obviously not all men here think that way.


----------



## PigglyWiggly

I didn't vote but will answer for my wife who I asked this question recently. She is 48..perimenopause for 3 years...4x a week was her answer


----------



## LeananSidhe

Has there been a poll like this for men? I tried to search but didn’t find anything. 

I’m curious to see how many men think they are HD.


----------



## personofinterest

minimalME said:


> I'm 51, and I've been perimenopausal for about 6 years now, and I actually want sex more now than I did when I was 25 - because I know myself better, and I know what I like.


This would be me as well.


----------



## 269370

LeananSidhe said:


> This is nice to see. I think sometimes the men here have a skewed idea of what’s “normal” for women. A lot of men come to TAM to talk about their wives not wanting sex and meet others in the same boat. Suddenly it seems to them that most women don’t want sex.
> Obviously not all men here think that way.



I was always under the assumption that both men AND women who come here, want more, MUCH more, (or better quality/more kinky) sex.

That might make the polls look a little skewed?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## personofinterest

inmyprime said:


> I was always under the assumption that both men AND women who come here, want more, MUCH more, (or better quality/more kinky) sex.
> 
> That might make the polls look a little skewed?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


True

There is a Christian-based sex forum that I went to a bit when I was trying to fix my first marriage, and they had a section for those being refused and for those who were the refusers. I couldn't read the refusers section much because it made me so depressed and angry at the time. But it was interesting insight into their minds.

Actually, it might be educational for some to go there, as they had sections on kinks and BDSM, and there were threads about which kind of toys and sex swings were good quality, how to prepare a woman for anal, etc.

Sort of dispels the whole "the magic sky fairy makes you hate sex" drivel


----------



## 269370

personofinterest said:


> True
> 
> 
> 
> There is a Christian-based sex forum that I went to a bit when I was trying to fix my first marriage, and they had a section for those being refused and for those who were the refusers. I couldn't read the refusers section much because it made me so depressed and angry at the time. But it was interesting insight into their minds.
> 
> 
> 
> Actually, it might be educational for some to go there, as they had sections on kinks and BDSM, and there were threads about which kind of toys and sex swings were good quality, how to prepare a woman for anal, etc.
> 
> 
> 
> Sort of dispels the whole "the magic sky fairy makes you hate sex" drivel



A Christian-based sex forum....The title alone scares the living daylights out of me. It may be on the type of kink level that is way above my pay grade! There’s nothing kinkier than unleashing some of the repressed Christians onto the www.
(But yeah, I’m already on it. Thanks 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## NobodySpecial

This poll makes no sense to me. There are days when there is no maximum limit. If it is available and good, I am all in. Sometimes I am good with a few times a week. Sometimes leave me the hell alone. There is no baseline "normal".


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

NobodySpecial said:


> This poll makes no sense to me. There are days when there is no maximum limit. If it is available and good, I am all in. Sometimes I am good with a few times a week. Sometimes leave me the hell alone. There is no baseline "normal".


I suspect that the intent is that you simply figure out an average. We all understand that it's just an average and that there will be great variation around that average. 

If someone says 1x/day, we understand that that mean 1x on Monday, 1x on Tuesday, 1x on Wednesday, etc, or sometimes it may be 3x each on Saturday and Wednesday and taking the rest of the week off. 

If someone says 1x/day and someone else says 1x/week and someone else says 1x/month, that still tells us there are significant differences, regardless of how those averages are distributed.


----------



## personofinterest

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I suspect that the intent is that you simply figure out an average. We all understand that it's just an average and that there will be great variation around that average.
> 
> If someone says 1x/day, we understand that that mean 1x on Monday, 1x on Tuesday, 1x on Wednesday, etc, or sometimes it may be 3x each on Saturday and Wednesday and taking the rest of the week off.
> 
> If someone says 1x/day and someone else says 1x/week and someone else says 1x/month, that still tells us there are significant differences, regardless of how those averages are distributed.


Yeah, I'm pretty sure it wasn't meant to be for someone PhD dissertation or a Psychological research journal lol

Sometimes I want it multiple times a day, and sometimes I am tired and think I could skip a day, but once he kisses me, it's on.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I suspect that the intent is that you simply figure out an average. We all understand that it's just an average and that there will be great variation around that average.
> 
> If someone says 1x/day, we understand that that mean 1x on Monday, 1x on Tuesday, 1x on Wednesday, etc, or sometimes it may be 3x each on Saturday and Wednesday and taking the rest of the week off.
> 
> If someone says 1x/day and someone else says 1x/week and someone else says 1x/month, that still tells us there are significant differences, regardless of how those averages are distributed.


I guess, for me, the differences are more notable.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

LeananSidhe said:


> This is nice to see. I think sometimes the men here have a skewed idea of what’s “normal” for women. A lot of men come to TAM to talk about their wives not wanting sex and meet others in the same boat. Suddenly it seems to them that most women don’t want sex.
> Obviously not all men here think that way.


It's natural for a man who's wife is not into sex with him to think that's the norm. We all tend to think of the world through the lens of our own experience.

Also, if she's just not into sex, then he doesn't have to face what he may be doing or not doing which may be contributing to her lack of desire.

Or even if he's doing everything right, and he knows it, thinking she's just not into sex, like most women, then that avoids the painful possibility that she's just not into sex _with him_.

The final barrier, and the one I clung to for so long (knowing I had done everything possible, and that it wasn't just me) is that, in believing that women just aren't into sex, you avoid reaching the painful conclusion that yo simply chose wrong. And the longer you stay together, the harder it is to face that possibility. It's so much easier to think that's just the way it is for everyone than to face the possibility that you _could have _had a great sex life but you blew it.


----------



## Buddy400

NobodySpecial said:


> This poll makes no sense to me. There are days when there is no maximum limit. If it is available and good, I am all in. Sometimes I am good with a few times a week. Sometimes leave me the hell alone. There is no baseline "normal".


I'm curious, with that kind of variability, how do you coordinate with your partner?

Assuming your partner also had days where there is no maximum, sometimes a few times a week and sometimes "leave me the hell alone", do you and your partner:

1) Sometime have sex when they aren't in the mood, because the partner is?

2) Limit sex to only when of you both want sex at the same time?

3) Or, is this where the Poly stuff comes into play?


----------



## NobodySpecial

Buddy400 said:


> I'm curious, with that kind of variability, how do you coordinate with your partner?
> 
> Assuming your partner also had days where there is no maximum, sometimes a few times a week and sometimes "leave me the hell alone", do you and your partner:
> 
> 1) Sometime have sex when they aren't in the mood, because the partner is?
> 
> 2) Limit sex to only when of you both want sex at the same time?
> 
> 3) Or, is this where the Poly stuff comes into play?


I am not trying to be a pain. These questions don't make sense to me. It does not occur to me to be or not be in the "mood". If my partner is good to go, I am pretty much good to go barring anything that would likely prevent my partner from thinking of it either. I have certainly turned DH down, but it is likely less than the number of fingers on one hand in 25 years of marriage. He has turned me down, but likewise not often. But "mood" does not really enter into it. We can want to have sex because we are really digging on each other, we are or one of us is just plain horny, because we want some closeness time, because the music is good, because it is sunny out, because we are bored, because it is rainy out. We might have sex because we have been feeling bad about each other and just want to say hey.

I don't think the limit sex to only when both of us want sex at the same time. It is just not something that comes up for us. Neither of us feel like we are *giving* sex to each other the way I give my dog steak scraps. So that just does not come into play. Neither of us attempt to limit sex. Nor do we go out of our way to have sex when we seriously don't want to. Again, it does not come up. If DH just spent 2 days placing tile in the bathroom, is exhausted and covered in tile dust or whatever, I am not going to say hey baby wanna? If one of us misses the vibe and goes in, it is a crap shoot if the other rolls with it or gives it a pass. 

Poly stuff, as you call it, does not come into this conversation at all. When I am with DH, which is most of the time, I am with him. And he me. It is not like either of us sit there and think well I have to wait until Tuesday when I see so and so to get laid. When we were swinging, there was definitely a sense of likeliness that sexy time was going to happen on a date. But not so much with poly. With BF we will or will not based on what we are both feeling. Since we see each other less frequently, we feel like it often. DH says that is about the same with him.


----------



## minimalME

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Also, if she's just not into sex, then he doesn't have to face what he may be doing or not doing which may be contributing to her lack of desire.


This is exactly what my ex-husband said - that I just wasn't into sex. 

Which was a complete denial of what was going on between us, as I was the one trying to schedule sex, asking about his fantasies, intiating conversations, etc.

And to me, he was selfishly protecting himself. He didn't want to do the work of learning how to be a lover. He didn't even try.


----------



## Buddy400

minimalME said:


> This is exactly what my ex-husband said - that I just wasn't into sex.
> 
> Which was a complete denial of what was going on between us, as I was the one trying to schedule sex, asking about his fantasies, intiating conversations, etc.
> 
> And to me, he was selfishly protecting himself. He didn't want to do the work of learning how to be a lover. He didn't even try.


That's always the most loathsome behavior; they don't want sex. But, instead of accepting that it's on them, they try to make their partner think it's something they're doing wrong so that they don't have to deal with it.

I was LD for a time, but I NEVER did that.


----------



## Buddy400

NobodySpecial said:


> I am not trying to be a pain. These questions don't make sense to me. It does not occur to me to be or not be in the "mood". If my partner is good to go, I am pretty much good to go barring anything that would likely prevent my partner from thinking of it either.


That was actually very helpful.

I always wonder how people who "I only have sex when they want to" match up with a partner who does the same. What if they're on different schedules? 

I think having a general willingness to "give it a go" is key. 

But that isn't always implied when someone says "my desire to have sex varies a lot". Maybe it would be implied with "my desire to *initiate* sex varies a lot".


----------



## EleGirl

Edmund said:


> Responses should include age range, e.g. 18-25, 26-35, 36-45, 46-55, 56-65, 66+
> 
> I can tell you from experience that there is a big difference between 25 and 65 years old, for women.


I'm 69. My drive has not changed, not during menopause or post menopause.

The only time I've not wanted sex was when it was not a good idea to have it... like after I lost my twins in 1986. I had serious complications that I almost died from. Then in 2016 I ended up in the hospital for 2 months after a batch colonoscopy and it took a few months to recuperate. Oh, and when I had something like a seriously bad flu.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Buddy400 said:


> That was actually very helpful.
> 
> I always wonder how people who "I only have sex when they want to" match up with a partner who does the same. What if they're on different schedules?
> 
> I think having a general *willingness *to "give it a go" is key.


I would not describe it that way. Goodness, I hope I did not describe it that way. Because as I read what you said, that is not precisely what I mean. It is not a willingness to give it a go. It just is. Just like in a family, dinner every day just is. We don't THINK about it the way most of you seem to. We are aware of it as a leading indicator of how things are going between us. But let's say he starts stroking my leg or back, I don't think, oh am I willing to have sex? Or is he going to "try" to have sex? Or am I in the mood. I reply as feels right, maybe by sighing in appreciation. Maybe by giggling because it tickles, or maybe sighing ... another way and and that and whatever minutes of enjoying each other following either does or does not become sex. This is why I always have so much trouble with people who ask who initiates or how they initiate. I would not even be able to put my finger on WHAT was the actual "initiation". 




> But that isn't always implied when someone says "my desire to have sex varies a lot". Maybe it would be implied with "my desire to *initiate* sex varies a lot".


Um? Beat you to that question?


----------



## Faithful Wife

NobodySpecial said:


> I would not describe it that way. Goodness, I hope I did not describe it that way. Because as I read what you said, that is not precisely what I mean. It is not a willingness to give it a go. It just is. Just like in a family, dinner every day just is. We don't THINK about it the way most of you seem to. We are aware of it as a leading indicator of how things are going between us. But let's say he starts stroking my leg or back, I don't think, oh am I willing to have sex? Or is he going to "try" to have sex? Or am I in the mood. I reply as feels right, maybe by sighing in appreciation. Maybe by giggling because it tickles, or maybe sighing ... another way and and that and whatever minutes of enjoying each other following either does or does not become sex. This is why I always have so much trouble with people who ask who initiates or how they initiate. I would not even be able to put my finger on WHAT was the actual "initiation".


It is like this for me, too. And I don't enter a relationship if it is not like this. There is never one of us saying "hey wanna have sex?" and the other saying "not in mood" or "sure" or "yes please" or "have a headache" or "I would but you didn't take out the trash so now I'm turned off".

It is just assumed that sex is going to happen frequently and organically, and it does. 

There will be times when there is some underlying reason not to have sex (actual headache, for example) and usually the non headachy one knows about the headachy one and so there's an understanding that sex probably won't occur and there's no pressure for it. (There's no "pressure" ever, but it seems this has to be explained over and over to some who think pressure is just part of sex or something? I don't know).

Usually I know in advance when we are going to have sex. But not always. Either way is fine, either knowing beforehand or spontaneous, I love it all and am always DTF. But it will occur regularly either way.

The guy I am currently seeing, we of course know sex will happen every time we see each other. But we like to do it at least twice every time we get together, so we always make sure we are planning around the sex part. Making sure we have time to meet up, have sex, then have dinner/go to a show/have great conversation, then more sex, and then usually I have to get my ass home before it turns into a pumpkin (ie: my aging mother lives with me and I can't leave her over night). So we can't start out too late or we won't get that second session in. That's how we plan our dates - - always making sure there is plenty of time for sex is the highest priority.


----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> I suspect that the intent is that you simply figure out an average. We all understand that it's just an average and that there will be great variation around that average.
> 
> 
> 
> If someone says 1x/day, we understand that that mean 1x on Monday, 1x on Tuesday, 1x on Wednesday, etc, or sometimes it may be 3x each on Saturday and Wednesday and taking the rest of the week off.
> 
> 
> 
> If someone says 1x/day and someone else says 1x/week and someone else says 1x/month, that still tells us there are significant differences, regardless of how those averages are distributed.




My understanding is that most female drives don’t work in the same way as the male drive.

So the guy needs to ejaculate every now and again (like for me it is every 1-3 days for others it might be 3x a day). And it’s ALWAYS been this way for me.

Women don’t NEED to; but they will want to masturbate or have frequent sex if they are turned on by something. And the same women may be ok not having sex for weeks/months, if they are turned off by their partner etc. So there’s not only greater variation among different women; there’s also a huge variation within the same women. (Womenz, correct me if I is wrong 🧐).

So I agree that that type of poll doesn’t make a lot of sense for the female population; because you are taking a snapshot in time of what a woman may be feeling currently.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## NobodySpecial

Women, what is your sex drive like? Here, let me mansplain it for you.


----------



## Faithful Wife

NobodySpecial said:


> Women, what is your sex drive like? Here, let me mansplain it for you.


It becomes especially weird when it is mansplained by a man who has had very few or only one sexual partner, and further when they haven't dated anyone since high school. Then they are purely guessing about "women" (based on their teenaged dalliance and the one woman they settled in with) but are mostly injecting "their woman" as the example of all womanhood. Good or bad, they don't really get it (how could they?), but they essentially think they "know". Because men just know everything, I guess?


----------



## personofinterest

There is some complexity to it, and it isn't usually linear. Though I have to say, I think for most men who are sexually successful, it isn't linear either. Sometimes the way people on forums talk about and ask about sex sounds very much like the guy in Mom's basement trying to figure out an "equation" for a guaranteed date.

That's not how any of this works.

And I have to wonder, did people hand wring over this always? Honestly, most of the people in my generation and older KNEW there were no guarantees in dating. And while great marriages probably always include sex, most people I know understand that there are ebbs and flows. That is why I roll my eyes at the "alpha dude" who declares with beating chest that if his woman doesn't step in line for a month (or 3), he's gonna file, yo. I can think of a lot of reasons that sex might become less frequent for brief pockets of time and then bounce back, even for the most sexual couples. I mean, doctors everywhere pretty much ALL say wait 6 weeks after birth or a hysterectomy. And after that 6 weeks of waiting, it probably AIN'T gonna go back to every day right away. I only waited 4 weeks after my hysterectomy, and I had some scary bleeding. So I waited 3 more weeks, and then it was only once or twice a week until I was not scared anymore. That only lasted about a month, but it was still probably a total of 3, maybe 4 months of irregular sex. Apparently a lot of men on these forums claim they'd already have the paperwork filed.

What men want is a guarantee that they won't be turned down, and that just isn't how life works. Sorry. 

I cannot ever imagine turning hubby down unless I was puking violently, but I'm also not psychic. if something big happened on the way home today like an accident or my boss said "your fired" right before I left, or my mother called and said my dad's failing health took a serious turn and I need to get down there this weekend.....I might be too upset to feel sexy. Or I might need the intimacy for comfort, and next week, when the stress REALLY hits me, I might not feel sexy.

I go back and forth. As a high drive person, I definitely relate to needing to know sex is going to be on the table regularly. As a human and woman I get annoyed by the implication that once you ever say no, you're being watched and on notice.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

NobodySpecial said:


> I would not describe it that way. Goodness, I hope I did not describe it that way. Because as I read what you said, that is not precisely what I mean. It is not a willingness to give it a go. It just is. Just like in a family, dinner every day just is. We don't THINK about it the way most of you seem to. We are aware of it as a leading indicator of how things are going between us. But let's say he starts stroking my leg or back, I don't think, oh am I willing to have sex? Or is he going to "try" to have sex? Or am I in the mood. I reply as feels right, maybe by sighing in appreciation. Maybe by giggling because it tickles, or maybe sighing ... another way and and that and whatever minutes of enjoying each other following either does or does not become sex. This is why I always have so much trouble with people who ask who initiates or how they initiate. I would not even be able to put my finger on WHAT was the actual "initiation".
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Um? Beat you to that question?


I'm with @NS on being clear about sex / initiating. An SO in a ltr especially, imho is best served by being clear. Either of us, W or I say let's go fool around very clearly when want to. 
We spend time with legs in each others lap watching the tube, or have a grope or so during the day but when one wants to have sex we clearly say. And 99% yes by either is the rule. Actually me I'm 100% but that's me. And we both always have a good time. But as I've said before as we'vebeen married a good while, that's our pattern.

PS @EleGirl and @FW, you're my heroes.


----------



## personofinterest

I think that physiologically, the orgasm experience is so different for a man than it is a woman, it is hard for a man to imagine being "satisfied" without an orgasm. I mean, for most men, I am assuming that getting all hot and bothered and fooling around and then NOT ejaculating would be immensely frustrating. But women can be extremely turned on and enjoy sex without having an orgasm, and we do NOT think of the sex session as a failure. Conversely, I can think of two or three times in my life that my body orgasmed but I did not enjoy the sex. In fact, one time I promptly ran to the bathroom, threw up, and cried for awhile.

There is no mathematical absolute when it comes to sex.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I'm with @NS on being clear about sex / initiating. An SO in a ltr especially, imho is best served by being clear.* Either of us, W or I say let's go fool around very clearly when want to*.


I meant I was not clear IN MY POST. I said pretty much the opposite of this. We RARELY do that.



> We spend time with legs in each others lap watching the tube, or have a grope or so during the day but when one wants to have sex we clearly say. And 99% yes by either is the rule. Actually me I'm 100% but that's me. And we both always have a good time. But as I've said before as we'vebeen married a good while, that's our pattern.
> 
> PS @EleGirl and @FW, you're my heroes.


Different strokes for different folks. The idea of asking is foreign to me.


----------



## personofinterest

NobodySpecial said:


> I meant I was not clear IN MY POST. I said pretty much the opposite of this. We RARELY do that.
> 
> 
> 
> Different strokes for different folks. The idea of asking is foreign to me.


If my husband made a direct request flirty or naughty or dominant, I'd probably be turned on. But if he said, "I'd like to have sex now," I'd probably be taken aback. It would just be....weird to me.

I prefer initiation to be a bit more organic. I mean, he has just pulled me up from the couch and carried me into the bedroom, but that is still different from saying "we shall now have the sex"


----------



## Faithful Wife

Mansplaining...I remember once when I was young, was working in an office environment, and the guys who worked there were mainly blue collar type dudes who had desk jobs. I was talking with 2 of the guys once and we were bantering about men and women, and somehow it came out that one of the guys said - - as if this was a complete and total fact - - "one thing I know for sure is that when a woman is wearing red shoes, it means she wants to get F'd!"

I was like .... "um....what? You think we wake up in the morning and pick our shoe color in order to signal that we want to get F'd? Like, by anyone who sees our shoes?"

Mansplainer: "no not by just anyone but they are definitely signaling."

Me: "so even like, Barb, who works down the hallway and is a professional woman who dresses sharply, is in a committed relationship with a guy but they don't live together so he will not always see what shoes she is wearing...she has a couple pairs of red shoes that she wears to work when they goes with her outfit...but you are saying that actually, she wakes up knowing she wants to get F'd and puts on those shoes, even though her man won't see her, and she parades herself around waiting for a man at work to F her?"

Mansplainer: "well no that's not really what I mean"

Me: "ok...what do you mean?"

Mainsplainer: "it is just a signal women make".

Me: "a signal to.....who?"

Mainsplainer: "to men, of course".

Me: "ok so back to Barb, are you saying when she wears red shoes it means she wants to get F'd?"

Mainsplainer: "yes"

Me: "by you guys at work or....like I just said, her man won't necessarily see the shoes".

Mainsplainer: "never mind, it is just something we men know, you won't get it".


----------



## NobodySpecial

personofinterest said:


> If my husband made a direct request flirty or naughty or dominant, I'd probably be turned on. But if he said, "I'd like to have sex now," I'd probably be taken aback. It would just be....weird to me.
> 
> I prefer initiation to be a bit more organic. I mean, he has just pulled me up from the couch and carried me into the bedroom, but that is still different from saying "we shall now have the sex"


And even... what does it mean to "have sex"? One time we were making out and fooling around. I started giving him head. He did not yell NO STOP. (I mean he could have. It would not have hurt my feelings.) He went to pull my shoulders up to him and I laughed, don't you take away my toy and ruin my fun. Did we have sex? At what point does it even seem anything other than absurd to say, hey can we have sex now? Or do you want to have sex?


----------



## personofinterest

Faithful Wife said:


> Mansplaining...I remember once when I was young, was working in an office environment, and the guys who worked there were mainly blue collar type dudes who had desk jobs. I was talking with 2 of the guys once and we were bantering about men and women, and somehow it came out that one of the guys said - - as if this was a complete and total fact - - "one thing I know for sure is that when a woman is wearing red shoes, it means she wants to get F'd!"
> 
> I was like .... "um....what? You think we wake up in the morning and pick our shoe color in order to signal that we want to get F'd? Like, by anyone who sees our shoes?"
> 
> Mansplainer: "no not by just anyone but they are definitely signaling."
> 
> Me: "so even like, Barb, who works down the hallway and is a professional woman who dresses sharply, is in a committed relationship with a guy but they don't live together so he will not always see what shoes she is wearing...she has a couple pairs of red shoes that she wears to work when they goes with her outfit...but you are saying that actually, she wakes up knowing she wants to get F'd and puts on those shoes, even though her man won't see her, and she parades herself around waiting for a man at work to F her?"
> 
> Mansplainer: "well no that's not really what I mean"
> 
> Me: "ok...what do you mean?"
> 
> Mainsplainer: "it is just a signal women make".
> 
> Me: "a signal to.....who?"
> 
> Mainsplainer: "to men, of course".
> 
> Me: "ok so back to Barb, are you saying when she wears red shoes it means she wants to get F'd?"
> 
> Mainsplainer: "yes"
> 
> Me: "by you guys at work or....like I just said, her man won't necessarily see the shoes".
> 
> Mainsplainer: "never mind, it is just something we men know, you won't get it".


I have had this exact style of conversation with men on forums before. The topic was completely different, but it is amusingly similar.

It's called: oops, I suddenly realize I am an idiot but cannot admit it 

One time a man actually said, "Ya know, now that we've talked, I realize how silly that is." I about fell out of my chair and thanked him for being an adult. It was amazing.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Faithful Wife said:


> Mansplaining...I remember once when I was young, was working in an office environment, and the guys who worked there were mainly blue collar type dudes who had desk jobs. I was talking with 2 of the guys once and we were bantering about men and women, and somehow it came out that one of the guys said - - as if this was a complete and total fact - - "one thing I know for sure is that when a woman is wearing red shoes, it means she wants to get F'd!"
> 
> I was like .... "um....what? You think we wake up in the morning and pick our shoe color in order to signal that we want to get F'd? Like, by anyone who sees our shoes?"
> 
> Mansplainer: "no not by just anyone but they are definitely signaling."
> 
> Me: "so even like, Barb, who works down the hallway and is a professional woman who dresses sharply, is in a committed relationship with a guy but they don't live together so he will not always see what shoes she is wearing...she has a couple pairs of red shoes that she wears to work when they goes with her outfit...but you are saying that actually, she wakes up knowing she wants to get F'd and puts on those shoes, even though her man won't see her, and she parades herself around waiting for a man at work to F her?"
> 
> Mansplainer: "well no that's not really what I mean"
> 
> Me: "ok...what do you mean?"
> 
> Mainsplainer: "it is just a signal women make".
> 
> Me: "a signal to.....who?"
> 
> Mainsplainer: "to men, of course".
> 
> Me: "ok so back to Barb, are you saying when she wears red shoes it means she wants to get F'd?"
> 
> Mainsplainer: "yes"
> 
> Me: "by you guys at work or....like I just said, her man won't necessarily see the shoes".
> 
> Mainsplainer: "never mind, it is just something we men know, you won't get it".


OMG! I am dying. Women DO it to signal something. Men KNOW it. But we won't get it. I am. I am dying laughing. I cannot almost see the drool dribbling out of the corner of his mouth as you baffle him and confusion overwhelms his mind.


----------



## EleGirl

NobodySpecial said:


> I meant I was not clear IN MY POST. I said pretty much the opposite of this. We RARELY do that.
> 
> 
> 
> Different strokes for different folks. The idea of asking is foreign to me.


Initiating and asking are two different things. I have never asked a man for sex. I have initiated, probably hundreds of times. Initiating does not always end with sex happening, but that's not the end of the world as long as he is not brutal in the way he turns down the initiation.


----------



## NobodySpecial

EleGirl said:


> Initiating and asking are two different things. I have never asked a man for sex. I have initiated, probably hundreds of times. Initiating does not always end with sex happening, but that's not the end of the world as long as he is not brutal in the way he turns down the initiation.


What does initiating look like?


----------



## Faithful Wife

NobodySpecial said:


> OMG! I am dying. Women DO it to signal something. Men KNOW it. But we won't get it. I am. I am dying laughing. I cannot almost see the drool dribbling out of the corner of his mouth as you baffle him and confusion overwhelms his mind.


Strangely, he never once got off his soapbox! He honestly just thought I was being obtuse, or perhaps he thought that I *knew* women want to get F'd when they wear red shoes but I did not want to admit it or something. Like I was being coy?

The other guy in the conversation absolutely confirmed this is "true" and neither of them backed down or saw the idiocy in what they were saying in any way.


----------



## personofinterest

Faithful Wife said:


> Strangely, he never once got off his soapbox! He honestly just thought I was being obtuse, or perhaps he thought that I *knew* women want to get F'd when they wear red shoes but I did not want to admit it or something. Like I was being coy?
> 
> The other guy in the conversation absolutely confirmed this is "true" and neither of them backed down or saw the idiocy in what they were saying in any way.


How many times have we heard "women say X, but we all know they really FEEL Y."

I cannot imagine why a man like this has trouble with women.......

Now, this is only a tiny portion of the men I know, and none of them are men I actually know face to face. 95% of the men I interact with are NOT this stubborn and obtuse. So I want to be clear I am not generalizing.


----------



## NobodySpecial

Faithful Wife said:


> Strangely, he never once got off his soapbox! He honestly just thought I was being obtuse, or perhaps he thought that I *knew* women want to get F'd when they wear red shoes but I did not want to admit it or something. Like I was being coy?
> 
> The other guy in the conversation absolutely confirmed this is "true" and neither of them backed down or saw the idiocy in what they were saying in any way.


I would not have been able to stop from laughing out loud.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

personofinterest said:


> If my husband made a direct request flirty or naughty or dominant, I'd probably be turned on. But if he said, "I'd like to have sex now," I'd probably be taken aback. It would just be....weird to me.
> 
> I prefer initiation to be a bit more organic. I mean, he has just pulled me up from the couch and carried me into the bedroom, but that is still different from saying "we shall now have the sex"


And that's the best! There are many imaginative and great ways to get "started" and be clear about desire.


----------



## personofinterest

NobodySpecial said:


> What does initiating look like?


Here's what it might look like for me:

A surprise passionate kiss as he tries to leave the kitchen/bathroom/living room

A "flash" when I lift my shirt while he is flipping through channels

Taking his towel while he is trying to dry off after a shower

A text saying "check the bedroom" when he is outside piddling around in his workshop

I have, once, taken the remote, turned off the TV, and said "It's time" lol


----------



## Faithful Wife

personofinterest said:


> How many times have we heard "women say X, but we all know they really FEEL Y."
> 
> I cannot imagine why a man like this has trouble with women.......
> 
> Now, this is only a tiny portion of the men I know, and none of them are men I actually know face to face. 95% of the men I interact with are NOT this stubborn and obtuse. So I want to be clear I am not generalizing.


Agreed, MOST MEN are not like the example I gave. Although I have to assume that *some* men have those inner assumptions they make and they just never say them out loud, so some men think those same types of idiotic things but we will never know because they hide it from everyone.


----------



## personofinterest

My husband is going to be very appreciative of this thread later with all this talk of flirting and initiating that I have conjured up


----------



## Faithful Wife

NobodySpecial said:


> I would not have been able to stop from laughing out loud.


Oh I was completely laughing out loud, mocking him, and clutching my sides!

He - - being totally serious - - didn't appreciate my mockery and guffawing.

He - - also being totally serious - - left the conversation thinking that either I am the dense one, or that I am trying my best to "cover" for wimmenz because I was freaked out that someone from the other team apparently stole a page from the *Super Secret Underground Rulebook Describing The Behaviors That Women Do When They Want To Get F'd*. You know, the one that we are all trying to hide from the menz, because we don't want them to be able to figure us out.


----------



## PigglyWiggly

Any of you ladies wearing red shoes at the moment??? :grin2:


----------



## personofinterest

PigglyWiggly said:


> Any of you ladies wearing red shoes at the moment??? <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>


 I'm wearing a red dress. I'm basically just a


----------



## Faithful Wife

PigglyWiggly said:


> Any of you ladies wearing red shoes at the moment??? <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_grin.png" border="0" alt="" title="Big Grin" ></a>


Hey, I have pink hair. Thus no need to signal with clothing, I’m just a big signal all the time, 24/7.


----------



## PigglyWiggly

personofinterest said:


> I'm wearing a red dress. I'm basically just a


> 

now you are just showing off


----------



## personofinterest

PigglyWiggly said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm wearing a red dress. I'm basically just a
> 
> 
> 
> <a href="http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/TAMarriage_2015/smilies/tango_face_devil.png" border="0" alt="" title="Devil" ></a>
> 
> now you are just showing off
Click to expand...


Funnily enough, that crimson bright shade of red is a very good color for me, and so I own a good bit of it. It's funny how many comments I get when I wear red from both man and women. I guess red must


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

inmyprime said:


> My understanding is that most female drives don’t work in the same way as the male drive.
> 
> So the guy needs to ejaculate every now and again (like for me it is every 1-3 days for others it might be 3x a day). And it’s ALWAYS been this way.
> 
> Women don’t NEED to; but they will want to masturbate or have frequent sex if they are turned on by something. And the same women may be ok not having sex for weeks/months, if they are turned off by their partner etc. So there’s not only greater variation among different women; there’s also a huge variation within the same women. (Womenz, correct me if I is wrong 🧐).
> 
> So I agree that that type of poll doesn’t make a lot of sense for the female population; because you are taking a snapshot in time.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I'm not sure that difference negates the question. An average is over a long enough period of time to get a true average, not just a snapshot in time. So long as the length of time is great enough to overcome any temporary or random peaks or valleys, it will yield a meaningful and accurate average.


----------



## PigglyWiggly

Faithful Wife said:


> Hey, I have pink hair. Thus no need to signal with clothing, I’m just a big signal all the time, 24/7.


I picture you with pink hair, no clothing on and red shoes...."I'm a nympho, I hope you brought a sack lunch!" :wink2:


----------



## Edmund

EleGirl said:


> I'm 69. My drive has not changed, not during menopause or post menopause.


Well whoop de do for you. I think you're a rare exception.

I am sorry to hear of your medical history. How does any reasonable medical facility botch something as routine as a colonoscopy?


----------



## Faithful Wife

Edmund said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm 69. My drive has not changed, not during menopause or post menopause.
> 
> 
> 
> Well whoop de do for you. I think you're a rare exception.
> 
> I am sorry to hear of your medical history. How does any reasonable medical facility botch something as routine as a colonoscopy?
Click to expand...

I don’t see what the point of “whoop de do” is? She simply answered the question that was asked.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t see what the point of “whoop de do” is? She simply answered the question that was asked.


 Which, as I understand it, was the point of this thread.


----------



## EleGirl

Edmund said:


> Well whoop de do for you. I think you're a rare exception.


Well, my 4 sisters are about the same as I am, even the ones a few years older than me. It might be genetic. But I have women friends who are about the same. And yea I know some men and women who have given up on sex as they got older.



Edmund said:


> I am sorry to hear of your medical history. How does any reasonable medical facility botch something as routine as a colonoscopy?


Simple, cut too deeply when removing a polyp. 

"Most colonoscopy adverse events occur within 7 days, but even more occur beyond the 7-day period. In a mid-2014 handout, the agency said: "Hospital visit rates after outpatient colonoscopy range from 0.8 to 1.0 percent at 7-14 days." And in its rule establishing ASC-12 as a reporting requirement, it estimated the range of hospital visits is between "2.4 to 3.8% at 30 days post procedure."

https://www.medpagetoday.com/gastroenterology/generalgastroenterology/56204


----------



## 269370

NobodySpecial said:


> As I recall, you said you knew she enjoyed it despite what she said and then proceeded to assume that in order to get her to admit it. I would also be hesitant to talk to someone who knew what I meant better than I did.



Nope. I never assumed she enjoyed it. It ‘looked’ like she enjoyed it, and other people told me she could not have not enjoyed it (given her strong preference for submission) and to just stop overthinking it. If you want to talk about it, why don’t you come over to my thread instead of polluting this one?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Edmund

EleGirl said:


> Simple, cut too deeply when removing a polyp.
> 
> "Most colonoscopy adverse events occur within 7 days, but even more occur beyond the 7-day period. In a mid-2014 handout, the agency said: "Hospital visit rates after outpatient colonoscopy range from 0.8 to 1.0 percent at 7-14 days." And in its rule establishing ASC-12 as a reporting requirement, it estimated the range of hospital visits is between "2.4 to 3.8% at 30 days post procedure."
> 
> https://www.medpagetoday.com/gastroenterology/generalgastroenterology/56204


Thanks for this info. I am due for a colonoscope this year and now I am re-thinking it.


----------



## Edmund

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t see what the point of “whoop de do” is? She simply answered the question that was asked.


I didn't initially ask her any question. I politely suggested she improve her poll by collecting the respondents age range if possible, so the data would show what age range for women their desire peaks. Most people seem to think it is in the 35-45 years old range, while mens' desire peaks in their 20s.

Instead of thanking me for my suggestion, she gives this snarky response that her desire hasn't changed in 50 years. Yeah right. I believe that. But even if it is true, she is implying that all women are the same as her. I know for a fact that is not true.

If a man posted a statement that he is as virile at age 70 as he was at age 20, he would be getting a load of grief from everyone on here because we would know he is bragging and lying at the same time.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Edmund said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> 
> I don’t see what the point of “whoop de do” is? She simply answered the question that was asked.
> 
> 
> 
> I didn't initially ask her any question. I politely suggested she improve her poll by collecting the respondents age range if possible, so the data would show what age range for women their desire peaks. Most people seem to think it is in the 35-45 years old range, while mens' desire peaks in their 20s.
> 
> Instead of thanking me for my suggestion, she gives this snarky response that her desire hasn't changed in 50 years. Yeah right. I believe that. But even if it is true, she is implying that all women are the same as her. I know for a fact that is not true.
> 
> If a man posted a statement that he is as virile at age 70 as he was at age 20, he would be getting a load of grief from everyone on here because we would know he is bragging and lying at the same time.
> 
> FW, if I was single and about 35 years younger, I'd ask you for a date just to see if you are really "all that" or just feisty by nature.
Click to expand...

Edward, I do understand your response given that you read Ele’s response as snarky. I didn’t read it that way, having known her for a long time and having had these same discussions before. She was straight forward answering the way she always does, IMO. But again - I get why you answered the way you did because of interpretation. 

I don’t think she implied that all women are the same as her. Many actually are though!

As for older guys saying they are still very high drive, we actually have some of those too and I think everyone just says “cool hope I’m you at 70!” or similar. To be literal though I’m sure none of them have said it is the same as when they were 20 at least as far as erections go. But they say the same desire levels for sex in quantity is there and that they find other things to do that don’t require constant boners. 

I appreciate that you appreciate my fiesty side. Many guys don’t (which I understand). Cheers!


----------



## EleGirl

Edmund said:


> I didn't initially ask her any question. I politely suggested she improve her poll by collecting the respondents age range if possible, so the data would show what age range for women their desire peaks. Most people seem to think it is in the 35-45 years old range, while mens' desire peaks in their 20s.


I cannot change the pole because it was stared on 12/5/2014. If I change it, I would have to start the pole from scratch and all of the votes place thus far would be meaningless and/or lost because they would not match the modified questions. I’m not going to wipe out almost 4 years of replies like that.

If women want to discuss if their sex drive has changed with age, they can do that in their posts.


Edmund said:


> Instead of thanking me for my suggestion, she gives this snarky response that her desire hasn't changed in 50 years. Yeah right. I believe that. But even if it is true, she is implying that all women are the same as her. I know for a fact that is not true.


Here is what you posted. 


Edmund said:


> I can tell you from experience that there is a big difference between 25 and 65 years old, for women.


Wow, just wow. I gave a reply that addressed your point and you take it as a snarky reply. I guess women just lie, don’t we? What I posted is the truth about me. It’s the truth about a fair number of other women I know as well. I’m sorry if you cannot deal with the truth.

Sure, there is a big difference with some women between 25 and 65. Others not so much. Just like some men slow down a lot, or don’t even want any sex, starting at about age 40. But there are a good number who seem to keep a strong sex drive.



Edmund said:


> If a man posted a statement that he is as virile at age 70 as he was at age 20, he would be getting a load of grief from everyone on here because we would know he is bragging and lying at the same time.


LOL.. there’s a guy on a thread right now who is over sixty. He stated that he’s having issues with the lack of sex in his marriage because he still wants sex all the time. I guess you need to go tell him that he’s lying.


----------



## 269370

personofinterest said:


> There is some complexity to it, and it isn't usually linear. Though I have to say, I think for most men who are sexually successful, it isn't linear either. Sometimes the way people on forums talk about and ask about sex sounds very much like the guy in Mom's basement trying to figure out an "equation" for a guaranteed date.



Yes, complexity, exactly. 
Furthermore, there are women where the sex drive is tightly intertwined with their attraction to their husband and with the overall health/status of their relationship but there are also women where the sex drive is fairly independent of their attraction to their partners; so the woman may experience urges or certain desires being fulfilled or the need to masturbate regardless whether they are with anybody at the moment or regardless how they feel about their husband (and sometimes the kinks are so strong/overpowering, that the husband doesn’t even need to be the one always fulfilling them to relive that strong experience).

The latter was a bit of an eye opener to me as I knew it existed in theory, but have not come across it outside of TAM.

Reading a poll like this may be complicated and various things should be taken into consideration.



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

Yes! What FW said. As I said, @EleGirl, she's one of my heroes.


----------



## ConanHub

Edmund said:


> Well whoop de do for you. I think you're a rare exception.
> 
> I am sorry to hear of your medical history. How does any reasonable medical facility botch something as routine as a colonoscopy?


No. It is "whoopie" and she certainly "does"!:grin2:

BTW. Mrs. Conan is 58, post menopausal and chases me down 3-5 times a week and she is heatedly responsive whenever I reach for her.

She is a whoopie do gal 7 days a week if I'm down for it.:wink2:


----------



## Edmund

.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Maxwedge 413 said:


> While I enjoy the fighting between FW and IMP, I think it should have it's own thread as it is trashing Ele's.


I welcome mods to come clean up the thread and I will not speak another word of it here. 

Back to sex!


----------



## Oceania

FW thumbs up


----------



## EleGirl

Ok, I cleaned up the in-fighting. Let's get back to talking about sex and sex drives.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

EleGirl said:


> Ok, I cleaned up the in-fighting. Let's get back to talking about sex and sex drives.


Being in IT....and really this just popped into my head after reading @EleGirl's post above when I read the "back to sex drives"....can a sex drive be kind of like a "hard drive"? 

&#55357;&#56841; sorry for an OT short comment. I'm just having first cup of coffee. I don't know why I'm logging in this early....


----------



## 269370

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Being in IT....and really this just popped into my head after reading @EleGirl's post above when I read the "back to sex drives"....can a sex drive be kind of like a "hard drive"?
> 
> &#55357;&#56841; sorry for an OT short comment. I'm just having first cup of coffee. I don't know why I'm logging in this early....




Ah, IT humour 

What does networking seal say?

A: Arp! Arp! Arp!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Edmund

EleGirl said:


> I cannot change the pole because it was stared on 12/5/2014. If I change it, I would have to start the pole from scratch and all of the votes place thus far would be meaningless and/or lost because they would not match the modified questions. I’m not going to wipe out almost 4 years of replies like that.


You could indeed start a new poll and you should have. The data you have collected in this one is, in fact, almost meaningless because there are no independent variables, so while you may end up with a frequency distribution curve, you will not be able to draw any conclusions in regard to cause / effect or correlation.

If you were a political pollster, you would not ask only one question - - are you a Republican or a Democrat? You would also ask for age range, gender, economic status, ethnicity, etc. because you would want to know how these characteristics affect peoples' political affiliations.

I think it would be great to find out if there are any identifyable characteristics which may correlate with the intensity (or longevity as in your case) of a woman's sexual desire, e.g. as a function of age or physical health factors.

Or you can just be all defensive and say I think women are liars or some other ridiculous accusation.


----------



## CharlieParker

We noticed it while it was going on and talked about it but caring for a terminally ill parent was a total libido killer for both of us. We managed once a week or 10 days but at times was a struggle. After mom died the horny-ness came back fairly quickly for us both. My wife’s drive is probably at its highest since menopause, ok not like before the hormones left the building but I’ll take it.


----------



## EleGirl

Edmund said:


> You could indeed start a new poll and you should have. The data you have collected in this one is, in fact, almost meaningless because there are no independent variables, so while you may end up with a frequency distribution curve, you will not be able to draw any conclusions in regard to cause / effect or correlation.
> 
> If you were a political pollster, you would not ask only one question - - are you a Republican or a Democrat? You would also ask for age range, gender, economic status, ethnicity, etc. because you would want to know how these characteristics affect peoples' political affiliations.
> 
> I think it would be great to find out if there are any identifyable characteristics which may correlate with the intensity (or longevity as in your case) of a woman's sexual desire, e.g. as a function of age or physical health factors.
> 
> Or you can just be all defensive and say I think women are liars or some other ridiculous accusation.


If you want a poll that asks questions that you want asked, please feel free to create that poll.


----------



## personofinterest

Edmund said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I cannot change the pole because it was stared on 12/5/2014. If I change it, I would have to start the pole from scratch and all of the votes place thus far would be meaningless and/or lost because they would not match the modified questions. I’m not going to wipe out almost 4 years of replies like that.
> 
> 
> 
> You could indeed start a new poll and you should have. The data you have collected in this one is, in fact, almost meaningless because there are no independent variables, so while you may end up with a frequency distribution curve, you will not be able to draw any conclusions in regard to cause / effect or correlation.
> 
> If you were a political pollster, you would not ask only one question - - are you a Republican or a Democrat? You would also ask for age range, gender, economic status, ethnicity, etc. because you would want to know how these characteristics affect peoples' political affiliations.
> 
> I think it would be great to find out if there are any identifyable characteristics which may correlate with the intensity (or longevity as in your case) of a woman's sexual desire, e.g. as a function of age or physical health factors.
> 
> Or you can just be all defensive and say I think women are liars or some other ridiculous accusation.
Click to expand...

This ridiculous.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Edmund said:


> EleGirl said:
> 
> 
> 
> I cannot change the pole because it was stared on 12/5/2014. If I change it, I would have to start the pole from scratch and all of the votes place thus far would be meaningless and/or lost because they would not match the modified questions. I’m not going to wipe out almost 4 years of replies like that.
> 
> 
> 
> You could indeed start a new poll and you should have. The data you have collected in this one is, in fact, almost meaningless because there are no independent variables, so while you may end up with a frequency distribution curve, you will not be able to draw any conclusions in regard to cause / effect or correlation.
> 
> If you were a political pollster, you would not ask only one question - - are you a Republican or a Democrat? You would also ask for age range, gender, economic status, ethnicity, etc. because you would want to know how these characteristics affect peoples' political affiliations.
> 
> I think it would be great to find out if there are any identifyable characteristics which may correlate with the intensity (or longevity as in your case) of a woman's sexual desire, e.g. as a function of age or physical health factors.
> 
> Or you can just be all defensive and say I think women are liars or some other ridiculous accusation.
Click to expand...

Did you read the nymphos thread? Doesn’t that one include many posts that are trying to help tie together some similarities, correlations, common characteristics? So Ele bumped this thread because it was relevant in combination to the other thread.

This thread was meant to ask women straight up what their desired frequency of sex is. It wasn’t really meant to draw any conclusions from other than the fact that the TAM women who answered have on average healthy sex drives. 

At the time this post was made, we had lots of male posters constantly claiming that women “don’t have high sex drives or if she does she is an outlier”. Many of us women pushed back on this in many ways on multiple threads. Ele made this poll, and that way we were all in one place, sharing our results which showed that most respondents indeed had high sex drives. Even then, some men pushed back. Others were shocked but began to believe us. 

Over the years this divide has gotten a lot better at TAM. We literally used to have large numbers of men here who were advocating date rape type measures, these men saying that women don’t want sex so you have to coerce and confuse them, use tactics like act like a jerk to her and flirt with her best friend because sparking her jealousy will make her horny. I’m not exaggerating. It was a nightmare when all those guys were here. I’m so glad they are gone now (at least I can’t think of any who are still here).

I don’t understand your comment that this thread is “almost meaningless”. It is not meant to be meaningful it was meant to show a pattern of only the women who responded. And I think it was a great addition to the nympho thread.

Can I ask what is really annoying you about this? It’s kind of confusing. Is the real issue for you that none of these threads give any particular man an answer to how he can have more sex? Honest question because I don’t quite get where you are coming from.


----------



## Ynot

Apparently I was married to a woman who would be in the very small minority of less once or twice a month


----------



## Edmund

Faithful Wife said:


> Can I ask what is really annoying you about this? It’s kind of confusing. Is the real issue for you that none of these threads give any particular man an answer to how he can have more sex? Honest question because I don’t quite get where you are coming from.


I did not read the nymphos thread fully although I saw a few posts from it. That partcular subject doesn't interest me, I am mid 60s and have a normal sex drive for my age. Unlike Ele I am not the same now as I was in my 20s. I think aging does in fact slow most people down and reduce desire. A turning point for me was late 50s.

What is annoying me is that there was no effort to make this poll scientific or even useful. This is like the polls they use on "Family Feud"... entertaining but useless. And I try to make suggestions to improve the poll and get over the top responses like there is something wrong with me.

Ele says I can make my own poll. She is a Mod and can do anything with this board. Truth is, I don't know how to do it, and it would be creepy for me as a man to make a poll for only women to answer. It would look like, as you ask me, if I am trying to learn how I can have more sex. Not the case.

FW, you do make a good point that the respondents are limited to the denizens of this divorce / infidelity message board. Not a broader sample, but mostly sad, bitter people who have been betrayed at one time or another.

Eevrything I post seems to irritate folks, so I'm going to make this my last one here.

Best wishes all and have a good weekend.


----------



## 269370

Edmund said:


> You could indeed start a new poll and you should have. The data you have collected in this one is, in fact, almost meaningless because there are no independent variables, so while you may end up with a frequency distribution curve, you will not be able to draw any conclusions in regard to cause / effect or correlation.
> 
> 
> 
> If you were a political pollster, you would not ask only one question - - are you a Republican or a Democrat? You would also ask for age range, gender, economic status, ethnicity, etc. because you would want to know how these characteristics affect peoples' political affiliations.
> 
> 
> 
> I think it would be great to find out if there are any identifyable characteristics which may correlate with the intensity (or longevity as in your case) of a woman's sexual desire, e.g. as a function of age or physical health factors.
> 
> 
> 
> Or you can just be all defensive and say I think women are liars or some other ridiculous accusation.




Can I ask why we need polls? Surely we know that there are a lot of women who like and want sex. There are also women who like A LOT of sex and there are some women who don’t like that much sex and possibly very few women who dislike sex. 
And yes, there are millions/trillions of variables why they want what they want or not want what they want at that point in time.

Is it to prove that many women want and like sex? Who has ever believed otherwise?

Shall we just have sex with our womenz instead of polling? ‘Cos that’s definitely more fun. 

The identifiable characteristic is: finding a woman you get along with. The rest is just hoping and praying that it stays that way.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Faithful Wife

@Edward - TAM is the REAL family fued. It’s an entertaining game that has gone on for over a decade. We create our “family teams”, we lob mystery questions at each other, sometimes we play dodge ball. New people come around, others leave then come back. We all give ourselves our own points so there’s no need for a scoreboard. There are basic rules that cause a time out or banning. 

It’s far more entertainment to me than most TV but it is also a lot like watching Family Fued and that’s what I like about it.

You are correct that no poll made on TAM should ever be looked at for scientific purposes. We are mostly goofing around here.

Entertainment purposes only.


----------



## CharlieParker

Can we get Steve Harvey to be a mod? 

We asked 100 random internet woman, “do you want sex once a week or more?” Survey says, 91.


----------



## Faithful Wife

CharlieParker said:


> Can we get Steve Harvey to be a mod?
> 
> We asked 100 random internet woman, “do you want sex once a week or more?” Survey says, 91.


See you’d be on the Masters team. Maybe team captain. 

There’s the hockey players, the kids on the side lines, the teddy bears and the moms, there’s every spectrum point of religious and political persons, there are the older gents, the rowdy younger dudes, the shy chicks, the feisty ones, the wise and kind ones. 

It’s like a SIM world, only better.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

inmyprime said:


> Can I ask why we need polls? Surely we know that there are a lot of women who like and want sex. There are also women who like A LOT of sex and there are some women who don’t like that much sex and possibly very few women who dislike sex.
> And yes, there are millions/trillions of variables why they want what they want or not want what they want at that point in time.
> 
> Is it to prove that many women want and like sex? Who has ever believed otherwise?
> 
> *Shall we just have sex with our womenz instead of polling?* ‘Cos that’s definitely more fun.
> 
> The identifiable characteristic is: finding a woman you get along with. The rest is just hoping and praying that it stays that way.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


That assumes the womenz is willing and able. Why do you think half the men on TAM are here in the first place?


----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> That assumes the womenz is willing and able. Why do you think half the men on TAM are here in the first place?




Sure, but that still doesn’t explain why we need a poll about OTHER women 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

inmyprime said:


> Sure, but that still doesn’t explain why we need a poll about OTHER women
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


One likes access to other data points. "Is my situation normal? What is normal? Is there normal?" "Is there any hope of anything better?" "Should I accept this because that's just how women are... or do I have grounds to not accept it knowing that not all women are like this?"

Not everyone has cause to ask these questions, or has need to try to answer them, but for many, this is highly relevant stuff!

So long as one understands that this isn't exactly what one would call a statistically significant sample, and that the utility of any such poll is extremely limited. 

And as @faithfulwife said, "for entertainment purposes only." There may be no need beyond 
1. general curiosity which may have no practical application in anybody's life
2. serving as a springboard for related discussion. 

Sometimes a poll need not be an end to itself, but rather a spark for some entertaining chat. Especially when taken in tandem with other, related discussions (i.e. the nympho thread).


----------



## 269370

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> One likes access to other data points. "Is my situation normal? What is normal? Is there normal?" "Is there any hope of anything better?" "Should I accept this because that's just how women are... or do I have grounds to not accept it knowing that not all women are like this?"
> 
> 
> 
> Not everyone has cause to ask these questions, or has need to try to answer them, but for many, this is highly relevant stuff!
> 
> 
> 
> So long as one understands that this isn't exactly what one would call a statistically significant sample, and that the utility of any such poll is extremely limited.
> 
> 
> 
> And as @faithfulwife said, "for entertainment purposes only." There may be no need beyond
> 
> 1. general curiosity which may have no practical application in anybody's life
> 
> 2. serving as a springboard for related discussion.
> 
> 
> 
> Sometimes a poll need not be an end to itself, but rather a spark for some entertaining chat. Especially when taken in tandem with other, related discussions (i.e. the nympho thread).




True. These threads always make the ‘nymphos’ come out of the woods which is good I suppose. Perhaps the ‘regular’ ones will start feeling bit more peer pressure, and let go of those clothes a little easier 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl

Edmund said:


> What is annoying me is that there was no effort to make this poll scientific or even useful. This is like the polls they use on "Family Feud"... entertaining but useless. And I try to make suggestions to improve the poll and get over the top responses like there is something wrong with me.


As FW has stated, TAM is a social site. It would be foolish to even pretend that any poll on TAM could be scientific. When is start with, the members here are a self selected group.



Edmund said:


> Ele says I can make my own poll. She is a Mod and can do anything with this board. Truth is, I don't know how to do it,


I started this thread & poll before I became a mod on TAM.

You can start your own poll as well. When it comes to creating a poll, users have the same tool available as mods and admins do. And no mods, and even admins, cannot to anything with the board. We are given permission to a small set of tools. The folks who can do anything with the forum are on the technical team who work onsite in Canada. 

Here is how any user can create a poll. Start a thread, scroll down to the bottom of the screen and you will see a section titled “Post a Poll”, enter the number of poll questions you have and then submit your thread. After you hit the submit button, a screen will open in which you can enter your questions and make a few parameter choices about the poll.



Edmund said:


> and it would be creepy for me as a man to make a poll for only women to answer. It would look like, as you ask me, if I am trying to learn how I can have more sex. Not the case.


Was it creepy for a man to start a thread about looking for nymphos? It seems that no one had a problem with that thread.


----------



## Prodigal

Edmund said:


> What is annoying me is that there was no effort to make this poll scientific or even useful. This is like the polls they use on "Family Feud"... entertaining but useless. And I try to make suggestions to improve the poll and get over the top responses like there is something wrong with me.
> 
> Eevrything I post seems to irritate folks, so I'm going to make this my last one here.


Hopefully Edmund will get the nap he so desperately needs.


----------



## Lifeisgood777

I’m a daily woman and could actually stand 2-3 times a day and I’m over 40. My husband can’t keep up though.


----------



## happiness27

I like quality sex with flirting and sexual tension. That said, I am a busy person and my husband and I have lots of things to do in addition to sex. I sort of feel like frequency is a measuring stick that doesn't include other things that I enjoy about sexuality. Just notching the bedpost with frequency to say "See, I'm sexy" is not accurate measure of a person's sexuality.


----------



## EleGirl

happiness27 said:


> I like quality sex with flirting and sexual tension. That said, I am a busy person and my husband and I have lots of things to do in addition to sex. I sort of feel like frequency is a measuring stick that doesn't include other things that I enjoy about sexuality. Just notching the bedpost with frequency to say "See, I'm sexy" is not accurate measure of a person's sexuality.


There are many ways to look at (or measure) sexual desire and sexuality. I don't think anyone here thinks frequency is the only "accurate" measure of a person's sexuality. This thread was, however, started to talk about frequency due to many discussions that have occurred in which a good number of men here seem to think that women in general have very little interest in have sex very often.


----------



## happiness27

EleGirl said:


> There are many ways to look at (or measure) sexual desire and sexuality. I don't think anyone here thinks frequency is the only "accurate" measure of a person's sexuality. This thread was, however, started to talk about frequency due to many discussions that have occurred in which a good number of men here seem to think that women in general have very little interest in have sex very often.


I hope you're right that frequency isn't a measuring stick. It sort of looks like it, though.


----------



## Blaine

Personally, I think a lot of the issue between women and men and sex drive is the differences between men and women. Yes, men are from Mars and women from Venus. Men have an idea about women based on men not on women. I have learned many things about women over the years, the most important is I don't know crap about women. But consider he orgasm a male orgasms to delivery semen to the uterus for conception. Women don't have to orgasm for conception but to provide a lubricant for the penis and to keep the vagina wet for the semen to swim in. So most men think women are like men and if I give her one orgasm before mine then I'm a good lover. But then you get into a woman's attraction to the man, it takes her body longer to near climax and placement of the g-spot as well as a,b,c, & d-spots, clitoral versus vaginal orgasms and don't get me started on psychological, sociological, religion and perversions. Most men can't keep up but the funny part is a lot of women don't know either.


----------



## EleGirl

bump


----------



## BecauseICan

If I could've voted "whenever he wants to" I would have. He's an awesome guy, we are a great "fit" in bed. I wish he wanted to more, I think he would because he loves sex but I just haven't figured him out completely yet. I will keep trying until I do. I think me teasing him visually is the answer but I haven't figured out how to yet. And I'm working on the confidence to put myself out there like that for him. I stand by my daily vote because I love to play,!


----------



## EleGirl

BecauseICan said:


> If I could've voted "whenever he wants to" I would have. He's an awesome guy, we are a great "fit" in bed. I wish he wanted to more, I think he would because he loves sex but I just haven't figured him out completely yet. I will keep trying until I do. I think me teasing him visually is the answer but I haven't figured out how to yet. And I'm working on the confidence to put myself out there like that for him. I stand by my daily vote because I love to play,!


Clearly your sex drive is higher than his. How often would you have sex if it was up to you?

How often do you two have sex?


----------



## Girl_power

Well I am single so my sex drive is super high!


----------



## EleGirl

Girl_power said:


> Well I am single so my sex drive is super high!


Why would that make any difference?


----------



## Girl_power

EleGirl said:


> Why would that make any difference?




I think that it does. Because your partner affects your sex drive. Lots of LTR and marriages have lack of sex Bc an issue in the relationship not an issue with drive. Plus everyone knows that when starting off a new relationship your drive is higher than 20 years in.


----------



## StarFires

Two women said less than once a month, and four women said never.
Yikes.

I don't have an option to select because I want sex when he comes for it. I've never said no to either husband or any boyfriend, except for when I was very briefly with Mr. ThoughtHeWasGoingToMistreatMe. If I'm not really in the mood, I know I'll enjoy it once we get started. I don't normally like initiating but I do a couple times a month because he likes when I do and I like the look on his face when I do. I also like the intensity when I do. I've never told him, but it's like he performs as if he has a different purpose, so he does some things a little differently and more focused.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

StarFires said:


> Two women said less than once a month, and four women said never.
> Yikes.
> 
> I don't have an option to select because I want sex when he comes for it. I've never said no to either husband or any boyfriend, except for when I was very briefly with Mr. ThoughtHeWasGoingToMistreatMe. If I'm not really in the mood, I know I'll enjoy it once we get started. I don't normally like initiating but I do a couple times a month because he likes when I do and I like the look on his face when I do. I also like the intensity when I do. I've never told him, but it's like he performs as if he has a different purpose, so he does some things a little differently and more focused.


Yes, sometimes there seems to be a little extra kick.. a boost in the desire to perform, when she initiates.


----------



## Mr.Married

Girl_power said:


> everyone knows that when starting off a new relationship your drive is higher than 20 years in.


Don't be so sure of that :wink2:

Of course it is also predicated to the fact that you both need to be aware of sexuality, what it means to one another, and what you can both do to keep that energy alive
even at that 20 year mark.

Edit: I should mention we have RETURNED to that level for some years now..... didn't maintain it all the years.


----------



## anonmd

Girl_power said:


> I think that it does. Because your partner affects your sex drive. Lots of LTR and marriages have lack of sex Bc an issue in the relationship not an issue with drive. *Plus everyone knows that when starting off a new relationship your drive is higher than 20 years in.*


From my perspective, for women yes. Not for men. It took me 20 years to realize there was no waiting out various reasons such that her drive would come back, it was all a mirage from the beginning, part of the 'sales job' to get the ring. 

My drive is not all that much different than in the beginning. 

Now, I realize that probably doesn't apply to many women. It does for some, probably fairly large group at that.


----------



## Mr. Nail

EleGirl said:


> Only want women to answer the poll.
> 
> Answer what you would like for the frequency of sex, not how much you may or may not being it at this time.
> 
> If you are man, please do not answer the poll.* But of course you are free to post.*


I've ducked this threrad up until now. I've wanted to give a smart reply and with this permission I'll charge in. 
Disclaimer I haven't actually read any posts beside the quoted one.

My sex drive is like an old farm pick up truck.
Tired, rusty, hasn't been started since fall. But if you have a dirty job that needs done . . . .


----------



## EleGirl

anonmd said:


> From my perspective, for women yes. Not for men. It took me 20 years to realize there was no waiting out various reasons such that her drive would come back, it was all a mirage from the beginning, part of the 'sales job' to get the ring.
> 
> My drive is not all that much different than in the beginning.
> 
> Now, I realize that probably doesn't apply to many women. It does for some, probably fairly large group at that.


It's not true that men (meaning all or most men) have the same sex drive after years of marriage. I know this from being married to men.


----------



## EleGirl

StarFires said:


> Two women said less than once a month, and four women said never.
> Yikes.


That's 3.9% of those who responded.


----------



## EllisRedding

EleGirl said:


> It's not true that men (meaning all or most men) have the same sex drive after years of marriage. I know this from being married to men.


There are so many factors involved, I agree that saying most/all men have the same sex drive years after marriage is not entirely accurate (from my personal experience and some others I know as well)


----------



## NobodySpecial

EleGirl said:


> It's not true that men (meaning all or most men) have the same sex drive after years of marriage. I know this from being married to men.


+1 add sample size of whatever Ele's got plus my DH whose drive is impacted by life and age.


----------



## personofinterest

The good thing about marrying at 50 is that in 20 years I'll be 70, so if things slow down a bit I might not notice (I'll be too busy looking for my teeth...)


----------



## anonmd

EleGirl said:


> It's not true that men (meaning all or most men) have the same sex drive after years of marriage. I know this from being married to men.


Same, OK I will agree. I didn't say SAME, I said not all that much different. But, I'm not looking to get in to an argument with such a non-representative sample of women . 91% of this sample is all above once a week, LOL!! 

My experience with my wife, her drive went from:

Before marriage - up for it anytime
After marriage - you know, I can't do it every day (OK we'll adjust together)
Wanting kids - please bang me every day for a week. 
Post kid - little bit of enthusiasm to get back to it after the prescribed 6 weeks. 
Not long after that during breast feeding - basically never.
Post breast feeding - off and on, slow decline to once a month if you are lucky. 

Say what you will, I think that is fairly normal for some fairly large percentage of women, at least 20%, if not 40%+, mark it down to hormones, life changes etc. NOT 3%.


----------



## Rocky Mountain Yeti

anonmd said:


> Same, OK I will agree. I didn't say SAME, I said not all that much different. But, I'm not looking to get in to an argument with such a non-representative sample of women . 91% of this sample is all above once a week, LOL!!
> 
> My experience with my wife, her drive went from:
> 
> Before marriage - up for it anytime
> After marriage - you know, I can't do it every day (OK we'll adjust together)
> Wanting kids - please bang me every day for a week.
> Post kid - little bit of enthusiasm to get back to it after the prescribed 6 weeks.
> Not long after that during breast feeding - basically never.
> Post breast feeding - off and on, slow decline to once a month if you are lucky.
> 
> Say what you will, I think that is fairly normal for some fairly large percentage of women, at least 20%, if not 40%+, mark it down to hormones, life changes etc. NOT 3%.



hmmmm....
That pattern does seem mighty familiar....


----------



## Mr. Nail

I tend to believe the reports here. You know sex is quite a bit of fun. There has always been a lot more effort to repress sex than to promote it. I'm somewhat struck by the number of seemingly little things that can wreck a drive. Everything from picking up laundry to hormone fluctuations. I take a half dose of an SSRI and it has knocked me from 4-5/week to 1/ week. Do I have empathy for the years my wife asked me to stop pressuring her? Not yet. Because even though it's not on my mind like it was, it's still a lot of furn when we get to it.


----------



## Handy

As an older male it is good to hear that some women like sex and intimacy. I wish I knew a few of this type of woman in real life now and several years ago. I was convinced women that likes sex and intimacy were just a little more numerous than unicorns.

With my small personal survey I have found mostly the answer women 65+ gave, was why bother. Most that are single don't want a man in their life except to go out to eat or maybe travel together in a big group of mixed company.


----------



## roseenglish1969

All over the place! From 0 to 150 and not liking it one bit. 
I am 50 and in perimenopause never HAD a sex drive other than new relationships (honeymoon period) after that I basically relied on the man to seduce me! lol And I would get into it... a bit.... but it was never a must have.

NOW I have spikes were I NEED something inside me. Thats the only way to describe it and a vibe is a piss poor substitute when I am like that. Its like being in a diet and eating a load of veggies to stop the hunger by filling your stomach but you know in an hour your gonna be hungry again and you need some carbs or "meat" THATS what a dildo is like when my hormones spike.

HATE IT


----------



## happiness27

I love sex when sex is the focus of my mind. However, I have a lot of things I'm interested in that I want to do. I love hiking and I've been a photographer for since I was a child. I can spend long hours alone and really enjoy that time. I love being outdoors and exploring. I think there are tons of people who have their special interests that can spend tons of time focusing on those interests.

Sex is very important to me and if I didn't have access to a partner, I'd really be sad about that. But, as a woman, I don't carry the level of testosterone that men do and don't have that pressing craving as often. If I did, I think it would be quite a bit of pressure and quite distracting. I did get prescribed a strong dosage of testosterone one time for about 4 months - and it was maddening to have sex on my mind all day long. If that is what it is like for most men, I can understand why sex is such a dominating topic and driving force.

It's too bad men and women can't change places for a day or a week - I think we might have more empathy for each other. Women who don't crave sex daily aren't mean cruel people. They literally are chemically different. Not only is the daily craving not there all the time but, to make it even more frustrating - oh, wait, fluctuating hormones means sometimes there are super cravings and other times, "sex? what sex? who needs it?". 

If being a guy is a train on a track, being a woman is more like boats on different kinds of water - sometimes calm and lazy and other times turbulent rapids. 

Knowing this, one thing that really helps is when two people who love and respect each other just as human beings work to understand these things - and find ways to reach across the divide with a positive attitude and good humor. BOTH PEOPLE.


----------



## WestCoastBeachBoy

anonmd said:


> Same, OK I will agree. I didn't say SAME, I said not all that much different. But, I'm not looking to get in to an argument with such a non-representative sample of women . 91% of this sample is all above once a week, LOL!!
> 
> My experience with my wife, her drive went from:
> 
> Before marriage - up for it anytime
> After marriage - you know, I can't do it every day (OK we'll adjust together)
> Wanting kids - please bang me every day for a week.
> Post kid - little bit of enthusiasm to get back to it after the prescribed 6 weeks.
> Not long after that during breast feeding - basically never.
> Post breast feeding - off and on, slow decline to once a month if you are lucky.
> 
> Say what you will, I think that is fairly normal for some fairly large percentage of women, at least 20%, if not 40%+, mark it down to hormones, life changes etc. NOT 3%.


Time to make it real. 
Been YEARS for me. But only cause my wife gained 50lbs after kids and I couldn't get hard with her...
Now she's fit she is getting payback 
After kids - GOOD LUCK


----------



## In Absentia

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> hmmmm....
> That pattern does seem mighty familiar....



Seems very familiar indeed... I would add the menopause right at the end... job done!

At 55 (I'm a man) I still have a very high drive and I would want sex every day... unfortunately, it hasn't worked out like that and I'm finally divorcing the fridge... sorry, the wife... :laugh:


----------



## VladDracul

To add a bit of mirth to this thread. Its an old story so cut me some slack if you've heard it.

_President Coolidge and the First Lady, the story goes, were visiting a government-run experimental farm. Both were being shown around separately, and on passing the chicken run, Mrs Coolidge asked one of the staff how many times a day the rooster mounted the hens.

“Dozens of times,” she was told.
“Please tell that to the president when he passes by here,” she said.
The president turned up to see the chickens, and the hapless worker passed on Mrs Coolidge’s message.
“Tell me,” said the president, “does the rooster choose the same hen each time?”
“Oh no, a different one every time.”
“Please tell that to Mrs Coolidge,” said the president. _


----------



## Blondilocks

@EleGirl, if you should ever have an extra minute, would it be possible to do an analysis of how many posts on this thread were made by men versus how many were made by women? Just curious.


----------



## EleGirl

Blondilocks said:


> @EleGirl, if you should ever have an extra minute, would it be possible to do an analysis of how many posts on this thread were made by men versus how many were made by women? Just curious.


Sure


----------



## EleGirl

Number of women who posted: 53
Total Posts	145
Average Posts per person 2.74

Number of men who posted: 33
Total Posts	94
Average Posts	2.85

I did not list my posts because the number is high, but most of them are posts just to move this thread to the first page to keep it going.

The attached file has the list of posters. I think I got men/women identified correctly. But a lot of people do not indicate that on their user panel so I had to go by what they posted.


----------



## Blondilocks

Thanks, Ele. I think I was expecting more male posters than are showing because it seems each time I look it's a man posting. Or, they're posting in packs (had typed hunting in packs, but um - that didn't sound right).


----------



## FeministInPink

EleGirl said:


> Number of women who posted: 53
> 
> Total Posts145
> 
> Average Posts per person 2.74
> 
> 
> 
> Number of men who posted: 33
> 
> Total Posts94
> 
> Average Posts2.85
> 
> 
> 
> I did not list my posts because the number is high, but most of them are posts just to move this thread to the first page to keep it going.
> 
> 
> 
> The attached file has the list of posters. I think I got men/women identified correctly. But a lot of people do not indicate that on their user panel so I had to go by what they posted.


 @EleGirl The headers on your pdf are switched (women labeled as men and vice versa), just FYI 

I was like, "Hey, I'm not a guy!" And then I saw the names of the other users in each column...

But interesting data, nonetheless.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl

FeministInPink said:


> @EleGirl The headers on your pdf are switched (women labeled as men and vice versa), just FYI
> 
> I was like, "Hey, I'm not a guy!" And then I saw the names of the other users in each column...
> 
> But interesting data, nonetheless.


Opps, fixed it. Thanks for the heads up.


----------



## Buddy400

FeministInPink said:


> @EleGirl The headers on your pdf are switched (women labeled as men and vice versa), just FYI
> 
> I was like, "Hey, I'm not a guy!" And then I saw the names of the other users in each column...
> 
> But interesting data, nonetheless.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


It does look like her description in the post is correct, i.e 94 posts by men...

Just the column headers of the pdf are reversed.

I'm curious about why it mattered.


----------



## EleGirl

Blondilocks said:


> Thanks, Ele. I think I was expecting more male posters than are showing because it seems each time I look it's a man posting. Or, they're posting in packs (had typed hunting in packs, but um - that didn't sound right).


LOL.... hunting is packs... 

I think that on a lot of threads in this forum, more men post than women. My bet is that this one is a bit different because it's asking a very specific question of women. And the guys cannot actually answer that question now can they? They can only comment on it.


----------



## FeministInPink

Buddy400 said:


> It does look like her description in the post is correct, i.e 94 posts by men...
> 
> 
> 
> Just the column headers of the pdf are reversed.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm curious about why it mattered.


Yes, you're right in that observation. I just wanted to let her know, if she wanted to fix it.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Buddy400

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, you're right in that observation. I just wanted to let her know, if she wanted to fix it.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


And *I* knew that *you* probably knew that but wanted to make sure that others knew that as well :smile2:


----------



## dpoohclock

That is interesting post results. It should give hope to those in lower than desired sex relationships that both sides do have people who want it frequently!


It's definitely something I wondered in my first marriage. The marriage was good in many aspects, but we had a vastly different idea when it came to frequency of sex. 


One of the challenges I've found with that though is when dating=/ marriage in terms of frequency.


----------



## SecondWind

I voted for 3x a week. My husband is large and that is about all I can take.


----------



## beautystar

VladDracul said:


> To add a bit of mirth to this thread. Its an old story so cut me some slack if you've heard it.
> 
> _President Coolidge and the First Lady, the story goes, were visiting a government-run experimental farm. Both were being shown around separately, and on passing the chicken run, Mrs Coolidge asked one of the staff how many times a day the rooster mounted the hens.
> 
> “Dozens of times,” she was told.
> “Please tell that to the president when he passes by here,” she said.
> The president turned up to see the chickens, and the hapless worker passed on Mrs Coolidge’s message.
> “Tell me,” said the president, “does the rooster choose the same hen each time?”
> “Oh no, a different one every time.”
> “Please tell that to Mrs Coolidge,” said the president. _


My wife has recently had severe problems with libido. Sometimes she pounced on me like a lioness and asked to **** her, and sometimes she was rude to me and did not even let her touch her. It was very strange and I decided to go to the doctor secretly from her.


----------



## EleGirl

beautystar said:


> My wife has recently had severe problems with libido. Sometimes she pounced on me like a lioness and asked to **** her, and sometimes she was rude to me and did not even let her touch her. It was very strange and I decided to go to the doctor secretly from her.


What did you go to the doctor for? What did the doctor say?


----------



## a_new_me

I have Thyroid issues, which would generally kill a woman’s sex drive. It put my body into a state of menopause when I was quite young (mid-30’s). 

It did not kill my drive at all though. 

My main love language is Physical Attention. I also look around 10 years younger than I actually am and am very dedicated. I have a helper personality.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Ed3n

It varies. Before surgical menopause, up to 2-3 times a day was average. That didn't coffee when if give him BJs, NOT Pic.


----------



## sunchild15

WOW... Now I a bit bitter, what the hell... :-(


----------



## JustTheWife

I have a high sex drive but we only have sex about once every 2 weeks. I orgasm very easily and usually have one a couple of times per day. I used to feel VERY guilty due to my religious upbringing and try to resist it but now I think it's an outlet that helps keep things balanced in my life. My little secret, i guess.


----------



## ConanHub

JustTheWife said:


> I have a high sex drive but we only have sex about once every 2 weeks. I orgasm very easily and usually have one a couple of times per day. I used to feel VERY guilty due to my religious upbringing and try to resist it but now I think it's an outlet that helps keep things balanced in my life. My little secret, i guess.


Once every two weeks???!!!!

Aren't you two young???


----------



## JustTheWife

ConanHub said:


> Once every two weeks???!!!!
> 
> Aren't you two young???


Yes. But what does that have to do with anything? Are we the only young couple with mismatched sex drive and preferences? I don't think so.


----------



## ConanHub

JustTheWife said:


> Yes. But what does that have to do with anything? Are we the only young couple with mismatched sex drive and preferences? I don't think so.


I'm not picking on you, I'm surprised at how low his apparently is.

I probably shouldn't be surprised but I'm always caught a little off guard by low drive men.


----------



## Faithful Wife

My mom’s death and the pandemic have tanked my sex drive. Which is good because I am apart from my guy anyway. It feels odd to me to have no sex drive. But sex feels irrelevant right now. I’m just trying to cope.


----------



## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> I'm not picking on you, I'm surprised at how low his apparently is.
> 
> I probably shouldn't be surprised but I'm always caught a little off guard by low drive men.


There are more low drive men that you think, I seem to have a knack for finding them.


----------



## EleGirl

JustTheWife said:


> Yes. But what does that have to do with anything? Are we the only young couple with mismatched sex drive and preferences? I don't think so.


You are right. There are far more lower drive men that most people think. I've read studies that found that men are as likely to make their marriage sexless as women are.


----------



## FeministInPink

In my former marriage, my now XH was most definitely responsible for our lack of sex. He turned me down frequently enough that I stopped initiating... and he never initiated.

Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk


----------



## TXTrini

FeministInPink said:


> In my former marriage, my now XH was most definitely responsible for our lack of sex. He turned me down frequently enough that I stopped initiating... and he never initiated.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G981U using Tapatalk


My ex was the same. I got tired of being rejected and just gave up I didn't consider lack of sex reason to divorce, but he cheated, we're done.

Fast forward to the guy I'm seeing, his drive is much lower than mine, but we have great chemistry and are completely unself-conscious with each other. This quarantine really isn't helping me at the moment, I feel like I'll be climbing the walls soon. 

How are you ladies making out?


----------



## JustTheWife

TXTrini said:


> This quarantine really isn't helping me at the moment, I feel like I'll be climbing the walls soon.
> 
> How are you ladies making out?


Funny you raise that staying home is making it worse. Totally agree and I was thinking about just that as I was posting. I've found myself more interested in sex topics here than i usually am. I think that's because I'm cooped up and my mind wanders easily.

Don't get the wrong idea from this but I think the normal milling around with the opposite sex just in day to day activities being now gone has some kind of impact on all of us. I'm sure men too. I'm married (and shy) so it's not like I'm out there flirting with guys but I think that we don't realize the little things like when guys smile at you or flirt a little bit. You don't think much of it but when it's gone, I think it affects our psyche. Maybe I'll get slammed for this but I'll admit that there's something about when guys show that they find you attractive. Not like super overtly, creepy, or inappropriately, of course but just little things. Just a thought.


----------



## JustTheWife

ConanHub said:


> I'm not picking on you, I'm surprised at how low his apparently is.
> 
> I probably shouldn't be surprised but I'm always caught a little off guard by low drive men.


I understand. Sometimes it's more like every week but lately it's been less. Maybe with the stress of all of this stuff going on. I can see how it's hard for higher drive men to understand (and certainly hard for me to understand!). Most of the other guys I was with were super horny and got really into it at a level very different from my husband. Sex is important to me but it's hardly the only thing in a relationship and I think many have "hot" sex lives but the marriage fails and is incompatible in other ways.


----------



## ReformedHubby

EleGirl said:


> You are right. There are far more lower drive men that most people think. I've read studies that found that men are as likely to make their marriage sexless as women are.


I one hundred percent believe this. I think its just talked about less. I had a female friend that took a lot of criticism when she got divorced. Everyone was telling her how her husband was "such a good man". He even helped fan the flames by telling everyone how selfish she was being. At some point she'd had enough and just told everyone the real reason for the divorce was he no longer wanted to have sex. I felt bad that she put up with so much criticism because she was trying not to tell everyone the "real" reason. When she said that I understood why she wanted out. But some didn't think that was reason enough. I am really glad friends and family don't get to decide if we stay married or not.


----------



## TXTrini

JustTheWife said:


> Funny you raise that staying home is making it worse. Totally agree and I was thinking about just that as I was posting. I've found myself more interested in sex topics here than i usually am. I think that's because I'm cooped up and my mind wanders easily.
> 
> Don't get the wrong idea from this but I think the normal milling around with the opposite sex just in day to day activities being now gone has some kind of impact on all of us. I'm sure men too. I'm married (and shy) so it's not like I'm out there flirting with guys but I think that we don't realize the little things like when guys smile at you or flirt a little bit. You don't think much of it but when it's gone, I think it affects our psyche. Maybe I'll get slammed for this but I'll admit that there's something about when guys show that they find you attractive. Not like super overtly, creepy, or inappropriately, of course but just little things. Just a thought.


Girl.... I'm not married anymore, my dude lives 40 mins away, and we're both in lockdown. If I lived alone, I would so shack up with him or have him shack up with me for the duration lol. I have my elderly Mom to think about, we bought a new house together after my divorce. 

I swear this damned virus has it out for horny people everywhere .


----------



## silenthurricane

EleGirl said:


> Only want women to answer the poll.
> 
> Answer what you would like for the frequency of sex, not how much you may or may not being it at this time.
> 
> If you are man, please do not answer the poll. But of course you are free to post.





Middle of Everything said:


> 3 votes in it sure is looking that way. Good god where do you horny women come from? :scratchhead:


well... just a theory but when you are getting what you need out of it you want it more... Maybe pay a little more attention to her than normal?? If time permitted I would like to have it daily... but we work different shifts so that gets in the way 😕. and to answer your question... We rise from the ashes of sexless marraiges😂 jkjk


----------



## TXTrini

silenthurricane said:


> well... just a theory but when you are getting what you need out of it you want it more... Maybe pay a little more attention to her than normal?? If time permitted I would like to have it daily... but we work different shifts so that gets in the way 😕. and to answer your question... We rise from the ashes of sexless marraiges😂 jkjk


Rise from the ashes of sexless marriages indeed! I love your username. Mine should be Maneater right now.


----------



## Tilted 1

TXTrini said:


> Rise from the ashes of sexless marriages indeed! I love your username. Mine should be Maneater right now.


I love your strength.


----------



## silenthurricane

TXTrini said:


> Rise from the ashes of sexless marriages indeed! I love your username. Mine should be Maneater right now.


LOL 😂 nice to meet you! thankyou


----------



## Browneyedgurl020610

EleGirl said:


> Only want women to answer the poll.
> 
> Answer what you would like for the frequency of sex, not how much you may or may not being it at this time.
> 
> If you are man, please do not answer the poll. But of course you are free to post.


I’ve been married to my husband for 10 years, together 13 altogether. I would like it to be more, but we’re either too tired or just no mood. Used to be a lot more, but I know we still love each other and are happy.


----------



## In Absentia

I'm depressed...


----------



## Jeliro

1971 said:


> At 43 I'm horny all the time so my answer is *daily* but if you asked me the last time I had sex or the last time my husband kissed me the answer would be a long long time ago.
> 
> .


Are you still with him? In a similar situation


----------



## staceymj86

I’m 33 and my sex drive has decreased. I only want sex maybe once a week or every 2 weeks. I do have sex with my fiancé whenever he asks for it, but other than that I don’t have sex or initiate it.


----------



## curiouswife4

Being at home so much has increased our frequency A LOT. Anyone else getting sore from the increase? Any ideas on overcoming?


----------



## chrish1979

EleGirl said:


> Yep, been there, done that with an ex.


----------



## chrish1979

EleGirl said:


> Apparently a lot of horny women end up with the same fate as a lot of horny men.... a spouse who does not want sex. It's like the marriage gods have a very sick sense of humor.


I agree that the marriage Gods do have a sick sense of humor that is very tasteless and I'm not laughing....


----------



## EleGirl

chrish1979 said:


> I agree that the marriage Gods do have a sick sense of humor that is very tasteless and I'm not laughing....


Yea, apparently the marriage gods have a sick sense of humor.


----------



## chrish1979

I really don't get it because I give a woman 3 to 10 O's in one setting of sex and have always been told how great I am in bed and yet my wife just doesn't seem as if she wants sex with me and it seems more of a chore for her.

I always make sure she comes first and gets as many as she wants. she comes and enjoys it when we are in the act but getting her to want it before we have sex is like begging or pulling teeth..

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to remain faithful because she is the Love of my life but It's getting old.. smh


----------



## EleGirl

chrish1979 said:


> I really don't get it because I give a woman 3 to 10 O's in one setting of sex and have always been told how great I am in bed and yet my wife just doesn't seem as if she wants sex with me and it seems more of a chore for her.
> 
> I always make sure she comes first and gets as many as she wants. she comes and enjoys it when we are in the act but getting her to want it before we have sex is like begging or pulling teeth..
> 
> I don't know what to do anymore. I'm trying to remain faithful because she is the Love of my life but It's getting old.. smh


There are different things that could be contributing to this. 

How long have you two been married? Was there a time when your sex life was better? If so when did it change.

Also, I started a thread for you so that you can get input that is specifically for you. Let's take this discussion to your thread. Here's the link to it. 









I'm a bit confused


I am going through pretty much the same thing as you! It's so frustrating, isn't it? I'd like to chat more with you about how you're working your way through this and maybe we can exchange tips and advice and help eachother out. I'm also feeling like I'm getting to the point of wanting to look...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


----------



## MaiChi

At first (maybe three or so years) it used to be more than twice per day, including while asleep. When I could not get pregnant we did it even more. 
Now 15 years later its mostly daily but some days we do not and some days its morning and evening. Still have it while asleep but not as often as before.


----------



## PieceOfSky

silenthurricane said:


> well... just a theory but when you are getting what you need out of it you want it more... Maybe pay a little more attention to her than normal?? If time permitted I would like to have it daily... but we work different shifts so that gets in the way 😕. and to answer your question... We rise from the ashes of sexless marraiges😂 jkjk


My impression is the issues are often much more complex than that, and not possible to improve by that sort of unilateral behavior change. But if it works for some, that’s great.


----------



## GC1234

We do quickies, which sucks...have a young kid and another on the way...it's starting to get monotonous. I expressed that I missed the foreplay & taking our time. I don't think he got the hint.


----------



## EleGirl

GC1234 said:


> We do quickies, which sucks...have a young kid and another on the way...it's starting to get monotonous. I expressed that I missed the foreplay & taking our time. I don't think he got the hint.


I'm sure that sucks. Sounds like you might need to talk to him some more.

There's a good book... *She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman* It might be a good present for him 

Maybe flat out tell him that when he's the only one getting anything out of sex, you have no interest in having sex. So if he wants it, he has to make sure you are getting yours too.


----------



## GC1234

EleGirl said:


> I'm sure that sucks. Sounds like you might need to talk to him some more.
> 
> There's a good book... *She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman* It might be a good present for him
> 
> Maybe flat out tell him that when he's the only one getting anything out of sex, you have no interest in having sex. So if he wants it, he has to make sure you are getting yours too.


Thank you! I'll try that.


----------



## Meke-Wife

I haven't had it for months now as we are going through some rough time, but when we were doing it we would go for a stretch of 2 weeks of daily sex then take a week break,so we used to average about 20 times a month. Reading this thread makes me want to go and throw myself to him.


----------



## LisaDiane

I'm happy with anywhere from 2 times a week up to multiple times a day...sometimes, there would be nothing more exciting to me than dropping a soapy sponge in the sink and running into our room giggling for the 3rd time that day...Lol!!!


----------



## Vanicky

Post menopause could do it daily girl here. My libido actually increased. 

My ex-husband was a master in the bedroom. That I miss. The new guy is definitely not.


----------



## Girl_power

GC1234 said:


> We do quickies, which sucks...have a young kid and another on the way...it's starting to get monotonous. I expressed that I missed the foreplay & taking our time. I don't think he got the hint.


Give his head a little nudge down to that direction!


----------



## Cletus

MiltonM said:


> lately my wife has decreased libido. How can I help her?


Pool boy? 

I jest. Asking her why is your best starting point.


----------



## EleGirl

Bumping this thread to the top.


----------



## Personal

For those who feel that women for the most part, have no interest or lose interest in sharing sex. This is quite telling.


----------



## gameopoly5

Middle of Everything said:


> This is going to be one of those threads that makes most of us TAM guys jealous isnt it?


Yes.
I want to find one of those mythical 20.4% women who do it once daily or more.
If they do exist, than all I can say is, some lucky guys are taking my share.


----------



## gameopoly5

Vanicky said:


> *Post menopause could do it daily girl here. My libido actually increased.*
> 
> My ex-husband was a master in the bedroom. That I miss. The new guy is definitely not.


Will you marry me?


----------



## Beerhunter

Interesting results.... First thought I had after seeing the results is does this number reflect their desired frequency for their spouse? Or for Chad?


----------



## Divinely Favored

T&T said:


> Possibly, but my wife has never been on a forum and she fits into the 3-5 times a week category.
> 
> Poor thing, I'm injured right now and sex would just about kill me. I looked into her eyes last night and said 'you're horny as hell aren't you?" Her response softly "Yes"
> 
> Pulled out the vibes and an hour later she felt fine.


My wife initiates sex while passing kidney stones. She says maybe it will help her forget about it for a bit and feel good for a while. Hopefully knock that sucker loose and get it moving.


----------



## Divinely Favored

happy as a clam said:


> I agree with this statement. I want sex. But I want it with my SO, not someone else. If he wasn't in the picture, I can tell you I definitely would not be clamoring for daily sex.
> 
> I am wildly attracted to him and thinking about him constantly gets me thinking about sex constantly .
> 
> I do think a lot of it (most of it, in fact) comes down to chemistry and attraction.


You sound like my wife. That I am so aroused by her, it makes her excited and aroused that I am still, after 26 yrs together. We work from home together so all our breaks are same time, she will come into my office and "seriously get into my personal space"😋 at a break and tell me she can't stop thinking about last night and wants a repeat.


----------



## CraigBesuden

Would it be fair to say that your libido is largely influenced by whether your man is physically attractive and whether he satisfies you in bed?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Laurentium

Divinely Favored said:


> My wife initiates sex while passing kidney stones. She says maybe it will help her forget about it for a bit and feel good for a while. Hopefully knock that sucker loose and get it moving.


I don't know if you're kidding, but you win a prize for a sex story I have not heard before!


----------



## Divinely Favored

Laurentium said:


> I don't know if you're kidding, but you win a prize for a sex story I have not heard before!


Not kidding...she is awesome. Don't mean we did not have issues in the past during early child years, but all those misconceptions on her end were straightened out. 
Wonderful thing is, she is very much enjoys being physical with me and I insure she is very satisfied, beyond what she ever dreamed possible.

You could say we are addicted to each other and can't get enough. The other night I crashed hard, long day, up at 4am. I slightly remember her stripping my boxers off me and pulling the cover up. Back since I made the bed a no clothing zone, she really enjoys snuggling and all the skin to skin contact. The nude sleeping also increased the sexual contact between us. 
We also sleep better in nude. I am like a grizzly 🐻 and always hot and she gets cold and comes looking to snuggle with me under covers and get warm. She will say, "Daddy, I'm cold" and I just wrap around her we get tangled up like a pretzel twist. I'm 6'05" and she is 5'03".


----------



## EleGirl

CraigBesuden said:


> Would it be fair to say that your libido is largely influenced by whether your man is physically attractive and whether he satisfies you in bed?


Libido is influenced by many things to include physically attractiveness and sexual satisfaction. It is also influenced by the amount of non-sexual intimacy in the relationship, by a healthy relationship, by a man treating me well, by his intelligence, sense of humor, moral character, and more.

I've dated extremely physically attractive men who were very sexually satisfying. But the rest of what they had to offer was not good at all. Over time, their good looks faded in my eyes... became repulsive.


----------



## Laurentium

Divinely Favored said:


> Not kidding...she is awesome.


It did sounds a bit like a brag: _the sex is so awesome it dislodges her kidney stones!!_


----------



## CraigBesuden

EleGirl said:


> Libido is influenced by many things to include physically attractiveness and sexual satisfaction. It is also influenced by the amount of non-sexual intimacy in the relationship, by a healthy relationship, by a man treating me well, by his intelligence, sense of humor, moral character, and more.
> 
> I've dated extremely physically attractive men who were very sexually satisfying. But the rest of what they had to offer was not good at all. Over time, their good looks faded in my eyes... became repulsive.


I understand. I just have a suspicion that a lot of men who complain about their partner’s low libido are partly to blame for it. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


----------



## Divinely Favored

Laurentium said:


> It did sounds a bit like a brag: _the sex is so awesome it dislodges her kidney stones!!_


Don't know if it does or not, she just wants to feel good for a while. May be the complete relaxation after that allows it to start moving better.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson

CraigBesuden said:


> I understand. I just have a suspicion that a lot of men who complain about their partner’s low libido are partly to blame for it.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro


Me too. And I have a lot of suspicion that a lot of women who complain about their Hs low libido are partly to blame for it. Same same.

Everyone here knows we only hear one side of every sex related problem, on TAM.

And mostly what we see is I'm an angel, my SO is the 100% bad one in OUR sexual problems.


----------



## Divinely Favored

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Me too. And I have a lot of suspicion that a lot of women who complain about their Hs low libido are partly to blame for it. Same same.
> 
> Everyone here knows we only hear one side of every sex related problem, on TAM.
> 
> And mostly what we see is I'm an angel, my SO is the 100% bad one in OUR sexual problems.


I had to read NMMNG and change my ways. The beta I learned from dad was not working. In early days before NMMNG when we had youngsters, I was to the point of divorce as 3x month was not cutting it for me. 

After reading, I realized my issues. I loved my wife and would let her make decisions on everything. I was easy to get along. It made her feel like she was the adult having to make all the decisions in the family, basically like she had 3 children as opposed to 2. 

I can see where that does not make her panties wet for me....she was also pushing me...her attitudes and anger toward me, she was trying to provoke me to stand up to her...to become the man of the house she was looking for..the leader she could follow.

Many women do not like the stress of being the one to make all the decisions. Wife saw it as if she made the wrong decision and it was harmful to the family, it is her fault. That created stress in her and resentment toward me.

After NMMNG & MMSLP I started understanding that my being passive and handing her the reins put a lot on her that killed her libido toward me. She was not happy with her passive hubby, I was not happy with the lack of intimacy and feeling disrespected by her. I made a change in me and she responded to it favorably. There were a few crap tests from her to shh if I would back down, but that wan not happening. I had made the decision if I did not see a favorable change, I was done. Made that change 7-8 years ago it has been like a honeymoon ever since. 26 yrs and counting. She is ready for last kid to go to college so we have the house to ourselves. Break in that new dining room table right😋😜


----------



## aaarghdub

I read NMMNG and I would add in some cases the guys are truly passive and beta and she wants leadership. 

But in other cases, such as my own, I tired but she is too domineering because of a myriad of reasons (eg ADHD, anxiety, insecurity, narcissism). Hence, she feels overwhelmed because “she’s stuck with taking it all on.” Then she’s exhausted chronically exhausted. But at the end of the day, what he was doing wasn’t to her liking so thru chronic complaining, or not mind reading, or not a priority for him, or not thinking as fast as she does, she just takes over. And now she put herself in this spot as she emasculated her husband and then blames him for it.


----------



## Married but Happy

gameopoly5 said:


> Yes.
> I want to find one of those mythical 20.4% women who do it once daily or more.
> If they do exist, than all I can say is, some lucky guys are taking my share.


They're not mythical, but they are on the positive tail of the Bell curve. I found one. (My ex was on the _other_ end - the dead end? <sigh>) Our first 10 years it was often twice a day, occasionally even more. As we got older we gradually slowed down until now, in our 60s and 22 years later, we average about 4x a week. And yes, she initiated when she had kidney stones, and even when she had a bone-on-bone spinal injury. I am indeed a very lucky man.


----------

