# A new light and proof but oh so much destrux



## dadda11o (Jan 6, 2011)

He filed for divorce a little over 2 years ago. The 3rd divorce instigated by him since 1998. He was busted by me this time for having an affair w/a married woman. 

He refused to make a settlement proposal and his demands were simple: pack up my stuff & go. And transfer what was on his credit cards onto mine. I hired an attorney after he retained his old one and told me I was going to get "wapped". I've been "wapped" by the jerk, who doesn't give a darn about our children or right/wrong, so it seemed like a good move. 

This was our second marriage and I had been pretty well convinced I might really be crazy, so I left peaceably last time around. Sadly, I didn't think to file his papers, dated 3 months before I filed mine, but he was trying to have me thrown into the mental hospital again and had put me through hell before. After we divorced, that is when the games started. To make it short, it was either him "wanting" me to come back or him taking me to Court, trying to severe my relationship entirely with our daughters. He played the same game this time too, after I filed a pro se provisional request and was granted custody of our daughter and to live in the house. He's even had our daughter write letters to the Court, telling how much she loves him and how she doesn't want me ... doesn't help that when she was younger and right about the time the 1st letter hit Court, his mother told the children I was going to kill them; I had supposedly shared this "secret" with her. 

So we had the trial last month; the judge, despite clear evidence of dissipation through gambling, etc and my having to get a protective order and him even having charges ... did not deviate from guidelines ... leaving me with 1000s in attorney fees for something I didn't need an attorney for, other than his hostile and intentional attempt to screw me over. This past week, I found evidence that when he was supposed to be at a Court hearing that he initiated (again, because I was allegedly abusing our daughters), he was actually out of state, hanging out in a casino. I get the feeling the attorney (mine) is going to blow me off. But this is actually incredible evidence, because this small discovery has actually unraveled a whole lot of lies, as well as motive for some of what's happened, stretching back to 98. As someone who's had their career pretty well derailed, been deprived of much time with my children and my assets, plus a breakdown when he snatched the children back when and all kinds of other things went on, had a misdiagnosis for 5 years due to HIS providing wrong information and backed up in it by his mother, well, it's sort of a "big deal" to me. Especially since I can't afford to move out and unlikely I will see any money before the house sells, if at all ... why does it seem like the bad guys often win? I've been in limbo because of his fraudulent actions over the past 15 years; I could have gone and lived in my car, but that didn't seem the best option. 

I just found and read a good article on the impact problem gambling has on the spouse and kids. I can't believe the hell we've lived through and the impossibility I've found trying to get help, make things stop, protect me and our children. I'm doing a lot better than I was in past, but feel pretty burnt out and jaded; I don't trust the system or people in it. Definitely not feeling up to having to pack up and move (to where? with what?) and build up again from scratch ... the last 6 months to a year, it has seemed pointless to try, because his actions would negate or destroy my progress. Having a system that seems to pretty well support that isn't helping!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you have any family members who can help you transition?


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## dadda11o (Jan 6, 2011)

I have more emotional support than anything. I also have experience from having come through the first divorce and getting away from the crazy making environment of how much a person's environment (the people) CAN do to pull you down and destroy everything you are and what you have worked toward. 

After the first go round, I moved back to "civilization" (we are 20 miles from any towns) and slowly started putting myself together again. Regained confidence. Dealt with undiagnosed panic attacks on my own. Worked my way into a management position from a part time entry level one. Fought through and won two cases he filed trying to keep our children and me apart. 

Sadly, though, it's only been within the time period of the last two years that I have put most (I'm sure there's more and funny thing, wasn't even looking for what I did find) of the puzzle pieces together. But happily, I had saved a lot of records and notes and was going to throw them away shortly before he started this final rampage. 

I'm just really tired from the fighting and his attempts to put me through hell to spare coming out into the light and admit what he has been doing ... actually, as I've learned since 1998. And when I found out, in 2010, I tried to get some help, some legal means to make the gambling stop, get control over our finances or force treatment or at least assessment, based on what I have been through and what our children have been put through. The state gets lots of money permitting gambling, but there isn't a darn thing that can be done to stop an out of control gambler. And my legal fees (merely for protection) would have gone a long way toward making the transition into a new life.


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