# Lost



## ray87 (Oct 31, 2010)

Well that's just it I am lost. I have been married for 20 years now and I feel that I am approaching a crossroads. I care for my wife but do not know if I truly love her anymore or not. When we are apart I do not miss her company and acttually look forward to times when I can slip away. I have never cheated but have come close. I do not want to cheat. I want out but do not want to hurt her, I am also afraid that without (sounding to stupid) she may hurt herself. I think several things have led to this..#1 she has always be afraid of being left (insecure) I give up all friends and any resemblance of my life 20 years ago. The only thing I have now is work. Thats not so bad I have came to terms with that and have changed to be what she expects. #2 I have always had low self esteem and so I held on to the marriage out of fear of lonliness. I want to be in love really in love and she be my best friend! My spouse has had trouble holding jobs all her life and I have worked long hours and done as much as I can and still come home at 8pm and cook supper. We have had fights on numerous occassions about this but it only gets better for a time. Now she is upset with because I seem vaccant when I am home and its hard for me to be intimate. She is very attractive but I need more. I wish I could just make myself happy so it would not be so difficult!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

You are not the only one lost. your W may feel the same way.

I had the same feelings, and I didn't approacher my W and it all took a sh*t (the marraige).

It is so important that you let your wife know that you are not happy, and you miss her, or you are missing something. 
I am sorry for using the word "you" excuse me.

Both of you need to reconnect. Both of you are not doing the things that make each other happy.

So, find out what that is, and at the very least if you start to say hi, she will say hi back. What I think, is if you put in an extra effort, see what her response is. 

When you kiss her good by, give the peck , then peck again with a kissing pause. 

My take is throw in some extra affection and see what her response is. You wrote you were not in love so maybe shes not making you happy b/c you aren't making her happy, and vise verse of.
After 20 yrs. of investment, its worth a try to start with affection.

Another trick, when you are talking, use the word " facinating" and never ever say "what did you say"
Its real important to make them feel special, and what they are telling you is "facinating".
Try it, you may like her response.

After 19 yrs of marraige and several affairs me and wife are finally getting it. I'd rather work on this marraige then start from scratch. No matter what its work, but the pay back is why we do it.


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## geo (Oct 29, 2010)

I know predicament I just hit 22yrs, and had the same issues at least on the surface. found and read a book on 5 languages of love (cant remember the author) That book had stuff that hit me like a truck, I learned much more about what was needed for both parties to be happy/secure etc.. and caused me to look back an see what was happening during those good years. I may be late but you should give it a look. best of luck.


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## ray87 (Oct 31, 2010)

Thanks for the advice, I know I need it!


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