# ending the day angry.



## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

me and my husband had a huge fight about 2 weeks ago.
Yesterday was when we really started to even talk much at all to each other. Today was a little better yet. I started to look forward to going to MC next week with him.....

Then I looked on the online history, and saw he watched porn this evening. and now I'm so pissed. 

Yesterday we both said that because of the hurtful things we said to each other during the fight (which is leading to MC... if not that, he'd be moving out), that neither of us wants to sleep with each other for a long time. But for some reason it still hurts to know he watched that. Why is that? 

Why does it hurt, even though I know I don't want to sleep with him? 

I know I love him very much. But I've also had tons of dreams lately, of him either cheating on me, or him gone and me sleeping with another (mystery) man (I've had those more than once since our fight).... I don't understand my feelings. I think it is because I still care aobut him very much, and don't want to know that he's getting off watching other people have sex, when he doesn't even want ME. 

ugh.... Why can't it be easier to seperate all of this crap? =(

Sincerely,
Feeling Horrible.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

marriedwoman said:


> neither of us wants to sleep with each other for a long time. But for some reason it still hurts to know he watched that. Why is that?
> 
> Why does it hurt, even though I know I don't want to sleep with him?


Something similar happened to me a few months ago. Ive sort of lost my sex drive for my H. But I found porn on the computer and then all of a sudden I wanted to sleep with him. It was really weird. I hated him and i wanted him at the same time. 



marriedwoman said:


> But I've also had tons of dreams lately, of him either cheating on me, or him gone and me sleeping with another (mystery) man (I've had those more than once since our fight).... I don't understand my feelings. I think it is because I still care aobut him very much, and don't want to know that he's getting off watching other people have sex, when he doesn't even want ME.


I know exactly how you feel. I never understood the feeling until i met my H. Had it been any other guy i would have walked away, easily. But its different when you love someone and you have that very personal connection with them. For three or four years that feeling drove me literally crazy. I lost it. It is so much to take in and process. I had always been told marriage was difficult but I think they were wrong. Marriage is not difficult. Love is difficult.


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## x4tnys (May 26, 2011)

I think the bigger question is, why is porn that big of a deal to you guys? People NEED a release sometimes, sexually, and in other ways, obviously you guys have been having alot of issues, and he may or may not be trying to work them out with you, you seem to think your making progress, and were happy to go to MC, but I think porn is a much better way for him to release his stress/anger/frustration than the many other outlets people pick up (drinking, drugs, cheating, etc.). 

As long as he isn't choosing porn over you, and is still making an effort to work through things, I really don't think you should let it get to you. 

(Also was wondering if it's porn or masturbation that bothers you? Like if he beat off while in the shower and you knew about it, but it wasn't to porn, would that bother you?) 

Either way, I would say definently don't worry about it too much, and don't let it get to you. Porn is basically the only method of alone-masturbation that I use, and it has nothing to do with anything but visual stimulation. I never desire those women other than my wife, etc., it's nothing again her, and nothing negative, it's just the way that stimulates me to release, which is needed sometimes, and if you guys obviously aren't sexual together, and alot of problems, he may just need to get some tension out. Again, I would say just don't overeact, go to MC, and try to improve on everything else. If you guys fix things and are together sexually, thats when I would start to bring up the issue, and why it's continuing if your satisfying him.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

x4tnys said:


> I think the bigger question is, why is porn that big of a deal to you guys? People NEED a release sometimes, sexually, and in other ways, obviously you guys have been having alot of issues, and he may or may not be trying to work them out with you, you seem to think your making progress, and were happy to go to MC, but I think porn is a much better way for him to release his stress/anger/frustration than the many other outlets people pick up (drinking, drugs, cheating, etc.).
> 
> As long as he isn't choosing porn over you, and is still making an effort to work through things, I really don't think you should let it get to you.
> 
> ...


I hate to say this - but EVERYONE needs a release.

Men don't have the corner market on it.

But yet, I find that they display the most disrespectful behavior trying to get that release instead of acting like men.

I think it's an excuse that men need more visual stimulation - BS - women need it too - the difference being that we wouldn't make our husbands feel like a piece of s$it and undesirable and unloved to get our release.

That is the BIG difference to me.

Excuses, excuses - instead of men trying to defend why they act like horny dogs - how about fixing the problem that got them there in the first place - and the problem is not their p$nis and lack of stimulation - but their character, integrity and definition of how to display love towards their wives.

Whew - I feel better now - thanks!


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I\But yet, I find that they display the most disrespectful behavior trying to get that release instead of acting like men.


:scratchhead: I think the problem is, this kind of IS men acting like men


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## x4tnys (May 26, 2011)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> I hate to say this - but EVERYONE needs a release.
> 
> Men don't have the corner market on it.
> 
> ...



Of course they both need a release, men and women alike, some do it different than others. She said things have been going great, and she's been totally happy with everything and was looking forward to MC. It's not like the husband hasn't been working at it (assumption since she said things are going better), and also not like he did it right in her face to be disrespectful or anything, it was in his alone time, in front of the computer, and im sure he tried to hide it but it was there in the history, so he's not doing it to hurt his wife. Obviously getting a release from masturbation doesn't excuse him from taking care of his responsibilities to his wife, but also I don't think the rest of your post makes that much sense or is that in line with the topic. I think the real question is, MarriedWoman, are you upset by the fact that he masturbated? Like is there a reason why this should be off limits to him during the time that you guys are struggling? or are you mad that he did it to porn?


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## marriedwoman (Apr 30, 2011)

He has turned me down, and then looked at porn, in the past, but numerous times... because he was "too tired" to have sex. 
I don't buy it, becuase I'll come on to him, say at 9pm, and then he'll turn me down and stay up until 3 or 4am.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

so you both said you dont want to be together sexually, but now your mad because he is getting off without you?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

okeydokie said:


> so you both said you dont want to be together sexually, but now your mad because he is getting off without you?


Oh sure. Sex isn't about sex. It's about power and control and victory.


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