# confused and not sure what to do



## n1984 (Mar 10, 2016)

I have been with my husband for 13 years most of them have been amazing but the last four years he has changed. He has a bad day and comes home yelling and screaming sometimes gets physical. He has no problem telling me how bad I look and he has been unfaithful. I finally got up the courage to ask for a divorce and he made me feel awful for it. He has been on his best behavior being so nice but I don't think that it will last and if I tell him I will give him another chance I think things will go back to how he was before. I told him that we could try counseling but I really don't want to. He mopes around crying all the time but I think it is fake. I'm worried about making the wrong decision, in the back of my mind I think maybe he has changed but I'm concerned because it was only after I asked for the divorce that he started being nice. We do have kids and we don't fight. I am tired of being in this relationship because I feel nothing but I want to do what is best for my kids and I know that if he changes back that would be worse than leaving him but I am still not sure what to do. Am I being stupid for staying?


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Having come from an abusive relationship myself, the niceness is not permanent he would have to get help for that to happen. 

When my ex did that, and the niceness went away the abuse got worse. It took him telling me how he held a gun to my head while I slept that gave me the courage to leave with my vehicle and the clothes on my back. 

It is scary to leave an abuser, but it is the best thing to do. I was scared out of my mind, but knowing what would happen if I stayed gave me the courage. My ex was a cheater as well.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

n1984 said:


> I think maybe he has changed but I'm concerned because it was only after I asked for the divorce that he started being nice.


Be sure to have a bag packed so you can walk out the door IMMEDIATELY upon is relapse. It will happen. He needs to KNOW you are serious, or it's all just posturing.


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## 2gethamagazine (Mar 10, 2016)

You don’t necessarily have to divorce as yet. Maybe a temporary separation would be ideal just for you to gain trust in him again and also to ensure that you recover fully from the emotional hurt (from his unfaithfulness) he has caused. Counselling is highly recommended and this will also give him an opportunity to earn your love and trust. Should you decide to stay please have a safety plan in place; in the event that your husband threatens to harm you again. At the first sign of anger, leave the house and go to a prearranged place where you will be safe.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

I understand why you are wanting to stay..it is hard to leave your spouse and change the whole family dynamic. If you are unsure about leaving then maybe have a trial separation so you can heal and so he knows that you aren't kidding around. You said he's physical...are you afraid for you and your children's safety? There are women shelters out there that can keep you and your kids safe if he were to get physical again. I know you don't want to try counseling, but if you are considering staying then it will be a good idea to do.


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## pugmomma55 (Mar 13, 2016)

Hi, My husband and I are divorcing because he is emotionally abusive and yelling all the time. Critical of my looks and my weight. He still tells me he loves me and wants us to be together but I am too afraid he will not really change. He suggested a counselor but I tried going to one alone and didn't find it helpful. I wish you the best with everything, I wish I knew the right thing to tell you to do.


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