# TAM crushes



## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Am I the only one who has "thoughts" about other TAM members? I'm not talking about lustful thoughts as much as thoughts of emotional connections. 

I'm a 53 year old man and most of my life I have felt my philosophies and thinking is different than most, at least most of the women I have known. Over the few years I have been on TAM there have been a few women posters that after reading their post and their answers to others post I can't help but find myself attracted to them because of their way of thinking, and to me an intellectual connection would be a miracle blessing. 

I know that if it ever came down to face to face contact reality has a way of ruining fantasies...but still, a guys got to wonder "what if".


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The intellectual and sometimes even an emotional connection is a large part of what is so powerful on the internet via chat and forums. We seldom get to see this aspect of people in real life because in real life the visual and physical is more in play. And here we share more intellectually and sometimes even emotionally than most people do in real life. This is especially true with more casual friends/acquaintances.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

TAM crushes thread with no names? BOOOOO

Who are they OP?


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Admiration yes....crushes no.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Nope. I crush on my husband.  Course, he did join TAM, even though he never posts, so I guess that counts. 

But there are definitely people here I admire.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

well yeah,I've totally had crushes on a few tam ladies. So many of them are fantastic


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cooper, if you are getting fed good at home with intellectual stimulation, you usually won't crush on someone else. So can we assume you do not get intellectual stimulation from your wife?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I've been think about you all day!!!!!!

all the ladies on TAM are freaking hot not to mention they got their freak on!!!!!!!:smthumbup:


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

I've had a TAM poster crushes before. More of what they say/their style of posting.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Crush? No. Respect? Yes.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

So when you say attracted you mean you start wondering what they look like and you try to find ways to interact with them and you begin to look forward to that interaction? Like an emotional affair? Is this actually with more than one woman or is it really just one woman?

Are you an introvert? 

Does this ever happen in real life?

I become attracted to the way people think especially if they are articulate and funny. If I know what they look like and I find them attractive it is a problem. I had an EA a long, long time ago and I know how that goes. It is effortless. (Previous relationship.) So you have to head it off. In real life it has only happened once and it was tempting. I told my H about it to help me deal.

As someone mentioned, if you aren't getting that at home it becomes easier to fall into that attraction. 

Are you concerned about yourself or are you just asking if other people experience this?


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

TAM is an environment that can breed EAs. Lots of members have troubled marriages and find sympathic ears and validation on the forums. So it's easy to crush on someone who seems to have all the right answers and thoughts. Good boundaries are required here as much or perhaps even more than other places.

TAM has had several EAs outed. HopelesslyJaded and Torrivien were publicly outed here and subsequently banned.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Yes it is possible to find a person's mind, and typewritten commentary attractive - even if you are a man.

And even if you have a spouse with an attractive mind at home - just like when a physically good looking person walks by you can find it attractive and not be compelled to act inappropriately.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

This is the OP....maybe the word "crush" wasn't correct, but I'm not articulate enough to come up with a better term. When I see a poster that thinks along the same lines as me and expresses the same basic life philosophies I just wonder if we ever met if there would be a connection. 

But no worries, I have never tried to set up a meeting with a fellow TAM member, not currently married or in a relationship so nothing deceitful going on. When I was married I never strayed from my marriage, no affairs, EA or PA, I'm a pretty loyal guy. And as I stated, I know how things can appear one way but the day to day/ face to face life is usually much different than you imagine. 

My post was nothing more than my thoughts running away as sometimes happens.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Am I the only one that thinks this thread is a horrible idea????


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

There are members who, when I see their name, I say "Oh, quality poster here: I really want to see what they have to say." I respect viewpoints and ideas, but it goes no further than that.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I felt this way about Adex (*sigh*), but alas he is no more If my SO's position in my affections was ever threatened, it has to be said that it was by that Prince of Poon.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I think you are normal Cooper except for the fact that you are unattached and here where you aren't allowed to connect with someone even if you wanted to... 

Or is that totally true? If two people are single does TAM have a rule against a friendship becoming more? I guess those two people would blow off TAM anyway.

What I can't tolerate is some of the out and out flirting that occurred a time or two in the past. A little innuendo occasionally is gonna happen amongst adults but running jokes of that nature are I inappropriate.

And since nobody ever told me that they have fallen in love with my beautiful mind I will assume I have been excluded from the IA - intellectual affair - category as well. That is worse than being friend zoned!!!! :'( 

Anyhow... Guess my beautiful mind and I will go count "likes" to see if I have any secret admirers. 
:-D


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

sh987 said:


> There are members who, when I see their name, I say "Oh, quality poster here: I really want to see what they have to say." I respect viewpoints and ideas, but it goes no further than that.


I agree, and also understand what Reformed Hubby is saying: this can be dangerous ground.

I will say that there are posters, both men and women, that I suspect I would really enjoy getting to know IRL and probably wind up being fast friends.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

clipclop2 said:


> Or is that totally true? If two people are single does TAM have a rule against a friendship becoming more? I guess those two people would blow off TAM anyway.
> 
> What I can't tolerate is some of the out and out flirting that occurred a time or two in the past.
> :-D


If people are single I don't think it matters and I don't think there are rules about it. If there are then spouses should be allowed either. 

Clipclop you are right we need to keep in mind that there are many betrayed spouses that are triggered by the overt flirting. It makes then uncomfortable and it should be kept to a minimum. 

That being said there are many members I like but I don't like like them. There is a reason there is no "like like" button.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

meson said:


> If people are single I don't think it matters and I don't think there are rules about it. If there are then spouses should be allowed either.
> 
> Clipclop you are right we need to keep in mind that there are many betrayed spouses that are triggered by the overt flirting. It makes then uncomfortable and it should be kept to a minimum.
> 
> That being said there are many members I like but I don't like like them. There is a reason there is no "like like" button.



While it may not be explicitly stated about two singles meeting here and sparking a relationship is forbidden, however the forum rules do state this is not a dating site. So someone explicitly coming here to hook up may in fact be violating the rules. Having said that, I don't believe that is what the OP is implying in this thread. 

I will say I do respect some members' post over others (male and female). I have have even met members from TAM IRL along with their spouses and it was enjoyable to meet them. It is all about the boundaries... And while there are some dear friends here no one can replace my beautiful bride and my Ohana.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

GTdad said:


> *I agree, and also understand what Reformed Hubby is saying: this can be dangerous ground.*
> 
> I will say that there are posters, both men and women, that I suspect I would really enjoy getting to know IRL and probably wind up being fast friends.


I'm not sure I understand. Are you saying that my noting which members continually make quality posts is dangerous ground? I'm honestly not having a go at you. Just curious.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

sh987 said:


> I'm not sure I understand. Are you saying that my noting which members continually make quality posts is dangerous ground? I'm honestly not having a go at you. Just curious.


No, not at all. I was just being lazy by not using the multi-quote function. Reformed Hubby noted on the first page that a thread about "crushes" isn't a terribly safe (or at least appropriate) on a forum where most of us are married. I agree, just as I agreed with your observations.

So, how are YOU doing?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Ah yes. She is a very intelligent lady indeed. She challenges me but we do the dance. She is delightful. Inspiring. Intriguing I have incredible respect and admiration for her. If things were different .... ah but they are not.

Surely she knows who she is though.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Right ... a website where I go to solve my problems, expose my failings, fears, weaknesses and frustrations ... might not be the best place to find a date


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Weren't people complaining recently that their were ads on this website for dating services?


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Am I the only one that thinks this thread is a horrible idea????


Why don't we just play spin the bottle instead?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Yes. I have some and I have no problem sharing.
No special order though.

Entropy
CaribbeanMan
Shaggy (why was he banned?)
bandit.45
TheMiddleMan
JCD
Juicer
jnj-express
Machiavelli
ConanHub
donny64 
6301

They have this strong alpha attitude (which I adore in a man) that keeps me curious about they have to say next. So yeah, they are my TAM crushes and I always enjoy reading their posts! <3


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

sh987 said:


> *There are members who, when I see their name, I say "Oh, quality poster here: I really want to see what they have to say." I respect viewpoints and ideas, but it goes no further than that.*


I feel this way... I have my selective "favorites" that stand out...this doesn't mean I always agree with them either.... some are just phenomenal writers, they challenge my thinking (always enjoy this). 

Then there is a couple male posters here... who think so much like my Husband... in almost every area... it kinda blows my mind....plus their wives or soon to be wives sound so much LIKE ME (so they have spoken this a # of times here)... something to that !@#..

It kinda hits home how Opposites really do attract and can thrive together... these 2 male posters know who they are.. what the cool thing about it is.. 

They are both so devoted and crazy in love with their wives -the type that wouldn't even notice another woman in the room (as they are just like MY Husband!) so hardly any worry there....and I greatly admire them for BEING JUST LIKE THAT !! ... it's heartwarming! 

It's not crushes.. it makes me feel a little like "*Home*" when I read their posts...


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: TAM crushes*



lovelygirl said:


> Yes. I have some and I have no problem sharing.
> No special order though.
> 
> Entropy
> ...


Now you went and done it, named names. But yeah I miss Shaggy too...


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

lovelygirl said:


> Yes. I have some and I have no problem sharing.
> No special order though.
> 
> Entropy
> ...


Apparently you have'nt been reading my posts.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I've got girl crushes on 2 chicks on here. Completely platonic of course....lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Philat (Sep 12, 2013)

This thread is now on the famed and dreaded "slippery slope."


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Lon said:


> *Now you went and done it, *named names. But yeah I miss Shaggy too...


Did I do anything wrong? 
No.

Were you all expecting names?
Yes.

It's the fun part of the thread. Admit it openly!


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> Am I the only one that thinks this thread is a horrible idea????




:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> Yes. I have some and I have no problem sharing.
> No special order though.
> 
> *Entropy*
> ...


Yes!!!


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Nope, no crushes -- too madly in love with my partner to even think of someone else in that way.

Having said that, there ARE certain TAMers (male and female) whose posts I very much look forward to reading because I feel like we view the world from the same "oyster." (Coming from a Clam, I think that's pretty neat) :lol: 

I think if we ever met in real life we would probably be good friends.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

Zanne,

In the words of a former mythical King of Siam you truly "are a puzzlement".

You can quote rule #12 and in the same posting completely interpret it for your own purposes so you can justify having extramarital sex with someone you met through this site. Of course your personal life is apart from this site but what didn't you get about TAM not being a dating site?

For the record I have denied requests and disabled the PM feature, not because I would be tempted to connect inappropriately, but because I think just the possibility is inappropriate on a site such as this.

Just sayin',

Seasalt


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I have tremendous respect for many people on TAM, both male and female. But a "crush"? Yikes! I hope I have enough of a life outside the internet to develop a crush on someone I can actually know by using my five senses. Seriously.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

I won't say I have a crush, there are many people here I admire and love. I will say it baffles me that there are so many kind, loyal, good looking people (both genders) here that it makes me mad that they are suffering due to cheating! I just can't believe that their spouses are stupid enough to cheat. Many of the people here, would make wonderful spouses, they have great qualities and I will say that I have come to love many of them and have the highest respect for each of them.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

No crushes, there has been a couple who had qualities that I really admire (reminded me of my husband a bit).


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

I stop having crushes when I left high school there are poster here that I respect and enjoy hearing from and that's about it.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

No crushes. Some people on here I enjoy reading their posts, others not so much.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

Post #1 just kind of creeps me out. That's all I'm saying.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

GTdad said:


> No, not at all. I was just being lazy by not using the multi-quote function. Reformed Hubby noted on the first page that a thread about "crushes" isn't a terribly safe (or at least appropriate) on a forum where most of us are married. I agree, just as I agreed with your observations.


Ah, ok. I'm picking up what you're dropping.




> So, how are YOU doing?


/shudder


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> Am I the only one that thinks this thread is a horrible idea????



Darn. There goes my plan to staff my dream team of TAM concubines 

Imminent thread lockdown potential in 3..2..1..


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

JustSomeGuyWho said:


> Right ... a website where I go to solve my problems, expose my failings, fears, weaknesses and frustrations ... might not be the best place to find a date



I think of it as prescreening


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

Crushes? No. Admiration? Yes. After a couple of years here there are a few people (2 women and one man) who seem to understand my circumstances and always have supportive, non judgmental council. When that has happened it has been humbling beyond words.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

I only have eyes for Dolly


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Well you're only human


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> Am I the only one that thinks this thread is a horrible idea????


Am I the only one who thinks you're taking this thread too seriously????


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

lovelygirl said:


> Am I the only one who thinks you're taking this thread too seriously????


:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

lovelygirl said:


> Am I the only one who thinks you're taking this thread too seriously????


I am taking it very seriously. So seriously that I've decided to become a red piller based on the fact that I did not make the alpha list. I shall return with a new user name. DeformedHubby.


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## Dedicated2Her (Nov 13, 2010)

This will not end well.........:smthumbup:


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> I am taking it very seriously. So seriously that I've decided to become a red piller based on the fact that I did not make the alpha list. I shall return with a new user name. DeformedHubby.


:rofl:

When you return with other username don't forget to make YOUR OWN list.


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## Stevenj (Mar 26, 2014)

lovelygirl said:


> Yes. I have some and I have no problem sharing.
> No special order though.
> 
> Entropy
> ...


I am not sure if these would be classified as EAs which require full disclosure and 180. Perhaps you should cut off all contact.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Stevenj said:


> I am not sure if these would be classified as EAs which require full disclosure and 180. Perhaps you should cut off all contact.


:lol:
Nice try ..but..



I'm a *single* girl.

ETA: I don't have any personal contact with any of the members on my list. 
[Except for a few exchanged (friendly) PMs with 2 of them IN THE PAST.]


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Ah yes. She is a very intelligent lady indeed. She challenges me but we do the dance. She is delightful. Inspiring. Intriguing I have incredible respect and admiration for her. If things were different .... ah but they are not.
> 
> Surely she knows who she is though.


Is Donna on TAM?


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## ASummersDay (Mar 4, 2013)

No, I don't. There are definitely some posters who pique my interest intellectually. I don't think about anyone on TAM enough to have anything approaching a crush though
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Stevenj said:


> I am not sure if these would be classified as EAs which require full disclosure and 180. Perhaps you should cut off all contact.


Read MMSL ( again? ) and please report back to us when you become sure one way or the other. Thank you.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lovelygirl said:


> Is Donna on TAM?


I don't think so. She could be some composite actually of several personas. ... even a pinch of lovelygirl honestly. 

This would not be her type of thing. If she was more interactive in this way I bet I would be on TAM less. I am not talking about on here but beyond TAM between us. She invests a lot of time in other areas. I actually wish she would open up more.

The least of my challenges and temptations in life are on TAM. Seriously. They DO exist ... just not here. Only a very few have any idea what I am talking about here at all. If anything TAM is relationship friendly for me. 

I punished myself for things in the past to the detriment of myself and my marriage. I have been on a journey to turn that around. I posted a big change last year in that I put that behind me and was going to try to be that fun person I used to be. I had all but killed that person. It turns out that was not the right thing to do. At least not for the sentence I imposed on myself. So I know where some come from on the EA view. You have read my take ad nauseam. BUT, if the antedote kills the patient in my case, what good is it?

I could paint a picture of the two of us and many might go ... oh!!! I understand now. As one might expect in a very long term relationship there have been chapters and themes and turning points. It is what it is and while I am very much a pragmatist in many things this dances with the fact that I am a true romantic. And those each have a mix of Alpha and Beta folks. It is who I am.

As laughable, naive and childish as it may seem or be when I identify with the Dark Knight or Iron Man or whatever, I have carried armor with me much of my life. I do put myself in harms way. I do go to battle. I decided sometime last year at least with some, to remove that armor. Let them in. I was suffocating myself. Hiding in all honesty the better me as well. I was not happy and I am sure not a lot of fun to live with either. Pile on the lifes events and decisions we all have to make and I will just say I now choose to unleash my freer spirit ... that does not mean throwing away all intergrity by any means. But it does mean interacting with and even caring for others. Dangerous? Most certainly it can be. But I am a better person for my interactions with a number of people I have met on this forum.

The links I chose for my signature. The first is the romantic. I was not a Top Gun pilot LOL. BUT I was in an elite F14 fighter squadron and those days I worked very hard and I enjoyed life as well. I was still a good guy. That was the guy my wife fell in love with. The second link covers my passion. In fact if you actually watch it you will hear them talk about Dave and his armor and his choices. Trust me I did not get that from Dave. It IS something Dave and I share however. There are many like us no doubt in that way. Dave Tate is an inspiration to me.

Gee ... all that from your question. TAM is a place I go ... for me. My post that you replied to was at least in part tongue in cheek because I did not name names. I have before. But I also did say in part.

At the risk of a wrong translation : v drug zhivot lovelygirl


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I don't think crush is the right word, but there are several member her that I would love to hang out with, drink with..that kind of thing.

Years and years ago I was part of another message board about dog rescue and got to know a lot of women, I thought, pretty darn well. We emailed and joked. One woman was making a solo drive through my part of the country and stopped by to spend the night.

It did not translate to real life! We had shared so much but in person, there was this wall that just wasn't working. After she left the next day, I never emailed her again and she never emailed me. It was really weird.

Anyway, so I hold no illusions that feeling an intellectual or fun connection on line translates to face to face...at all!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> I don't think crush is the right word, but there are several member her that I would love to hang out with, drink with..that kind of thing.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



On the other hand, I made lasting friendships with members here on TAM after our get together last May. It was a great time and although two members no longer post here I will often hear from her and her H via email.


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## SoVeryLost (May 14, 2012)

I developed an emotional connection with one TAM user shortly after joining. A few of the users who were around at the time I first joined know who I am talking about. We were both at very vulnerable places in our lives at the time. We were both on the road to divorce. We both turned feelings that were likely not there in reality into what we so desperately wanted/needed at that time in our lives. Our conversations moved to e-mail, then text, then the phone, and eventually he was going to come and visit me for a week. Right before he booked his flight it hit me that something was wrong. I asked him not to come, and I feel I did more harm to him than good. He left TAM, with a departing message to me on his profile, and he has never returned. I hear from him now and then via e-mail, but I do not respond. 

Now that I have more knowledge under my belt and I understand healthy boundaries I know I'd never be at risk for that happening again. I was a different person when I first joined TAM. Whenever posting I keep the mantra, "do no harm" in the back of my mind. We're here to help others, not hurt them. And I know that I hurt him, and that bothers me to this day. Emotions can be a very powerful thing; especially when we are not in the right mindset to begin with.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I took a lot of heat by a few members once for pointing out a slippery slope I saw. I think the people involved know who I'm talking about


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)




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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

No. I don't understand internet crushes or relationships at all. 

I need the real deal. 

Too strange without meeting someone in person yet people throw their whole lives away for internet strangers, 

If you are talking about a crush on a fictional persona like in a book or movie, I guess I can relate a little bit to the fantasy. We are whoever we want to be on a forum. 

Nope, I just don't really understand it in reality.


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## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

The Jets - Crush On You (Extended Version) [AUDIO ONLY] - YouTube


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Everyone's being very pious. "Oh no, I just ADMIRE posters!"

I've had lots of TAM crushes. I will list them here.

AR 
Davelli
Odaat
Dig
Entropy
Stritle
TCSRedhead
Hope
Maricha 
Scarlet
Wysh

But my heart belongs to Dolly


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Cooper said:


> Am I the only one who has "thoughts" about other TAM members? I'm not talking about lustful thoughts as much as thoughts of emotional connections.
> 
> I'm a 53 year old man and most of my life I have felt my philosophies and thinking is different than most, at least most of the women I have known. Over the few years I have been on TAM there have been a few women posters that after reading their post and their answers to others post I can't help but find myself attracted to them because of their way of thinking, and to me an intellectual connection would be a miracle blessing.
> 
> I know that if it ever came down to face to face contact reality has a way of ruining fantasies...but still, a guys got to wonder "what if".


Nope not at all..........the beginnings of a emotional affair with the keyboard and computer. They could be guys for gosh sake!! 

I think you need to get out more!!


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Ahhh Stritle
Now there was a man that could make a girl's mind wander....

Lyris was my girl crush for ages. She could always say what I wanted to say so much more eloquently than I. Then I found out she had a really magnificent arse too. If I didn't love the penis so much I would definitely go for it


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

Would someone mind developing a crush on me - fake crush is OK as long as it's a crush. I'm less damaged now than I was a year ago does that lift my rating?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> I don't think so. She could be some composite actually of several personas. ... even a pinch of lovelygirl honestly.
> 
> This would not be her type of thing. If she was more interactive in this way I bet I would be on TAM less. I am not talking about on here but beyond TAM between us. She invests a lot of time in other areas. I actually wish she would open up more.
> 
> ...


This is the perfect combination! 

But yeah, I understand TAM is for you and I'm sure it helped get out of the darkness you once were in terms of your marriage.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> The least of my challenges and temptations in life are on TAM. Seriously. They DO exist ... just not here. Only a very few have any idea what I am talking about here at all. If anything TAM is relationship friendly for me.


I used to think similarly until last year. Cooper has hit on something. I haven't had a crush with a TAM member but there are lots of members (male & female) whose posts I follow even though I may not even comment on the thread. I too look for the insight and certain applications of logic and find them attractive. I do interact with them more than others here.

Over the years I have treated TAM like a place that was filled with people far away that would never directly effect my life. But after posting a detailed examination of how I let my marriage falter and what I learned that saved it. I found someone started spreading rumors that my marriage was faltering in IRL. The info had to have come from TAM because I don't talk about those things anywhere else but with my wife. They didn't get my intent at all and at best misapplied and at worst were being malicious. I wasn't able to discover who did that but I have been able to dispel the rumors. At that point I realized that its easy to talk about things to an anonymous forum that would violate boundaries I have in in-person interactions. And you never know just how close an online person might really be. 



Entropy3000 said:


> I punished myself for things in the past to the detriment of myself and my marriage. I have been on a journey to turn that around. I posted a big change last year in that I put that behind me and was going to try to be that fun person I used to be. I had all but killed that person. It turns out that was not the right thing to do. At least not for the sentence I imposed on myself. So I know where some come from on the EA view. You have read my take ad nauseam. BUT, if the antedote kills the patient in my case, what good is it?


Exactly if the antidote kills the patient, its not very good. That's part of the reason I have Laird Hamilton's quote in my sig. We can't just stop being who we are because of what might happen. Living that way is more damaging to a certain extent. That's why I have always struck the middle ground on OSF, EA withdrawal etc. Its really a case by case, patient by patient prescription that is required.




Entropy3000 said:


> As laughable, naive and childish as it may seem or be when I identify with the Dark Knight or Iron Man or whatever, I have carried armor with me much of my life. I do put myself in harms way. I do go to battle. I decided sometime last year at least with some, to remove that armor. Let them in. I was suffocating myself. Hiding in all honesty the better me as well. I was not happy and I am sure not a lot of fun to live with either. Pile on the lifes events and decisions we all have to make and I will just say *I now choose to unleash my freer spirit ... that does not mean throwing away all intergrity by any means. But it does mean interacting with and even caring for others. Dangerous? Most certainly it can be. But I am a better person for my interactions* with a number of people I have met on this forum.



:iagree:

Exactly! We can maintain integrity with our boundaries and yet still help and benefit from everyone. Taking steps to safeguard ourselves and our marriages is better than avoidance. And I have found my marriage to grow and benefit from those interactions when they are kept safe.


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## Gonnabealright (Oct 24, 2013)

bietches be like...."I dropped an egg after I read your post!"


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## Forever Changed (Sep 18, 2012)

Crush, no?

But pure, sincere gratitute to 2 particular TAM ladies that quite literally, saved my life and helped when I was crazy with grief. Paralyzed with sorrow, regret, sadness, guilt. 2 true angels from the opposite side of the world. 

They were always, always there for me. I don't know what I would have done if they didn't help me during my most terrible time.

I will forever be in debt to Angelpixie and SCSweety.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

I think TAM is an easy place for people to get emotional, and for some people, that might mean forming attachments, or "crushes". Clearly there is historical evidence of some people trying to turn that into something more, and as a previous poster put, that should be headed off at the pass. It certainly would cause more harm than good.

I think the variety at TAM can be luring. Sometimes it seems like our life is supposed to be so black and white, and as we all know what we really have is shades of gray (more than 50!). Rarely do anyone's thoughts fit neatly into our preconceived boxes, and TAM has opened my eyes to this on an incredible level. 

I connect with what a lot of TAMers have said before: it can be intense, and therefore we should take breaks every so often. I find that reading a lot of other people's stories help me cope with my own internal issues as well as issues in my marriage. 

All that rambling aside, there are tons of posters that make me perk up when I see they have replied in a thread I'm reading or I have started. Simply Amorous always has something I have to chew on because it didn't occur to me. Caribbean Man as well. Racer has challenged me on multiple occasions (not always in a pleasant way, but in a necessary way). Anon Pink has given me great food for thought, and Faithful Wife always has a different perspective for me. I'm sure a ton more that I just can't think of at the moment.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I think the best way to handle a tam crush is to cut communication with the object of your crush immediately and take a break from tam.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Resident TAM flip flopper here. In some ways I kind of see TAM Crush = Work Wife. I had one of those once. I thought it was just a fun loose term. Until I announced that I was getting engaged, and she excused herself because she began to cry.

All I'm saying is what is all fun and games to one person, may not be to another. 

I'm rarely a kill joy on here. In fact I'm even pro GNO! With that said though the type of sharing we do on here leaves a lot of us vulnerable at times. It wouldn't be too difficult for things to get out of hand via PM. There is a big difference between admiring a poster and having a crush IMO. I think this thread is referring to the latter.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

And get out of hand it can and does. Anybody who has been here for any length of time has seen examples.

A lot of us here are vulnerable to one extent or another. That makes good boundaries very important.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Anon Pink said:


> I don't think crush is the right word, but there are several member her that I would love to hang out with, drink with..that kind of thing.
> 
> Years and years ago I was part of another message board about dog rescue and got to know a lot of women, I thought, pretty darn well. We emailed and joked. One woman was making a solo drive through my part of the country and stopped by to spend the night.
> 
> ...


Funny you say that, I noticed the exact same thing past 15 years plus on Car Forum. 

This doesn't apply to ALL and ALWAYS but most people I got along with very well on the forum....I didn't really click with/get along with in real life.

And those I didn't like on the forum, I got along with just great in person.

Rule of thumb, don't assume ANYTHING until you meet the person face to face and build a usual relationship/connection with them (time and experience).

Thus, I like many posters here and agree with tons (lots of great advice around here). 

But that's about it. Nothing less and nothing more.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Don't open the PM I sent ReformedHubby! It's.....a mistake!


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Lyris said:


> Don't open the PM I sent ReformedHubby! It's.....a mistake!


Too late, I opened it. OMG...you really understand me. I soooo feel the same way. I think we might even be twin flames. I should have just stayed out of this thread, what I feared most has happened.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

intheory said:


> Wow, the poor woman. I'm guessing she quit or got transferred to a different department. Talk about emotional nudity in front of a co-worker(s)--- were others standing nearby who also witnessed this? Yikes!!!


It was the inexperience of youth that led to it happening. She was actually my supervisor. It was in the days of good old AOL Instant Messenger or AIM as it was known. We'd spend most of day joking back and forth on it. We would go to lunch all the time, and we would talk about each other's significant others a lot. Admittedly I did share some negative things about my future wife, but it wasn't because I was unhappy. She was always trashing her boyfriend so I griped a bit too.

When I told her I was getting married there wasn't anyone around. I honestly thought she'd be happy for me. That's how clueless I was. In any case I actually ended up quitting shortly thereafter. It was awkward, but she remained professional the whole time afterwards. We still cross paths. She is very successful now and one of my biggest competitors. She never married though.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I think the best way to handle a tam crush is to cut communication with the object of your crush immediately and take a break from tam.


Wait? What.....what are you saying? Are you..... Did you.....? 

So that's it then? Just like that?


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I think the best way to handle a tam crush is to cut communication with the object of your crush immediately and take a break from tam.


So thats why all the ladies on TAM dont write back and disappear from TAM for months after I write them. 

Women. Go figure


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Yup. That's why I try to be as real on here as I can. That way even if I did crush on a TAM-Girl they'd be so turned off by personality it would never go anywhere.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Thunder7 said:


> Wait? What.....what are you saying? Are you..... Did you.....?
> 
> So that's it then? Just like that?


shhhh don't beg,you only make it more difficult


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> shhhh don't beg,you only make it more difficult


I will not be treated this way!

**Storms off**


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

You:










Me:


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

only if he starts this...


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Well, this is getting weird. As long as no one thinks I look like the little twerp in the video.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I could be my own bodyguard


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I could be my own bodyguard


Yeah, cuz I'd stop stalking HER! :rofl:


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

intheory said:


> You have a beautiful patio and garden. Looks ideal for hummingbird feeders.


Ok Horizon... I just developed a MAJOR crush for your patio!! :rofl:


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

TAM members have hooked up in real life in one case and I know it did not work out. The respect, affection and infatuation that grew on TAM did not survive.

The quote was a "rotten" person. That individual is permanently banned, though not for the hook up.

Having said that such relationships are against the rules, I can imagine one working out as well. I think the intention of TAM rule is mainly to stop people fishing. And above all it is to protect vulnerable people from predators.

Does anyone have nudist Skypping as there profile hobby?


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

LOL this is an amusing read today....


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> Too late, I opened it. OMG...you really understand me. I soooo feel the same way. I think we might even be twin flames. I should have just stayed out of this thread, what I feared most has happened.


Genuine snort at twin flames. Watch it ReformedHubby or I'll be adding you to my list.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

intheory said:


> You have a beautiful patio and garden. Looks ideal for hummingbird feeders.


Thank you!


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

happy as a clam said:


> Ok Horizon... I just developed a MAJOR crush for your patio!! :rofl:


Sylvester the Cat's son (with paper bag over his body) 

"Oh, I am so ashamed"


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Lyris said:


> Genuine snort at twin flames. Watch it ReformedHubby or I'll be adding you to my list.


Sigh.... our EA didn't even last twenty four hours. Just curious but is something wrong with the term twin flame? I thought it was a synonym for soul mate. I was joking of course as were you but I was not aware that twin flame was a negative term. Serious question.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Sorry, the disloyal 'ho is not allowed to talk to you. I've instructed her to go NC otherwise her cheating ass is out on the pavement


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

Middle of Everything said:


> So thats why all the ladies on TAM dont write back and disappear from TAM for months after I write them.


Can you write to a couple for me?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Dollystanford said:


> Sorry, the disloyal 'ho is not allowed to talk to you. I've instructed her to go NC otherwise her cheating ass is out on the pavement


That's okay I have a fall back. I am now in a relationship with a former TAM poster by the name of The Rosenberg. I've been helping her out financially and we're supposed to meet up this weekend. She says she was unfairly banned. Does anybody know her? Is there anything I should be concerned about? She almost seems too good to be true.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

MSP said:


> Can you write to a couple for me?


Sure, who are they? 

:scratchhead:


Oh wait does that mean you dont LIKE them?


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> That's okay I have a fall back. I am now in a relationship with a former TAM poster by the name of The Rosenberg. I've been helping her out financially and we're supposed to meet up this weekend. She says she was unfairly banned. Does anybody know her? Is there anything I should be concerned about? She almost seems too good to be true.


Funny


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Well the fact that she's a guy is probably a big issue


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> Well the fact that she's a guy is probably a big issue


She's got some balls, that's for sure ...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> That's okay I have a fall back. I am now in a relationship with a former TAM poster by the name of The Rosenberg. I've been helping her out financially and we're supposed to meet up this weekend. She says she was unfairly banned. Does anybody know her? Is there anything I should be concerned about? She almost seems too good to be true.


LOL. I hope you're into guys.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

Dollystanford said:


> Well the fact that she's a guy is probably a big issue


"What are you wearing, 'Jake from State Farm?"


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

Dollystanford said:


> Well the fact that she's a guy is probably a big issue


Nice try Dolly! She told me that the posters on here would say this. She's sent me pics so I know this isn't true.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Come to think of it, I think my true TAM crush is joe kidd. Only problem pidge, might have something to say about it


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

*Re: Re: TAM crushes*



ReformedHubby said:


> Nice try Dolly! She told me that the posters on here would say this. She's sent me pics so I know this isn't true.


Pics of her holding a spoon? Hmmm?


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)




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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

ReformedHubby said:


> That's okay I have a fall back. I am now in a relationship with a former TAM poster by the name of The Rosenberg. I've been helping her out financially and we're supposed to meet up this weekend. She says she was unfairly banned. Does anybody know her? *Is there anything I should be concerned about? She almost seems too good to be true*.


She is too good to be true! I heard she is wanted in multiple states for pending felony charges. Did she tell you she works for the CIA or the FBI and has been "done wrong" by the system? Don't believe it for a minute...

:rofl:


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Thunder7 said:


> "What are you wearing, 'Jake from State Farm?"


Ha ha!

Jake: "Uhhh... Khakis..."

W: "She sounds *hideous*!"

H: "Well, she's a guy, so..."


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

ReformedHubby said:


> That's okay I have a fall back. I am now in a relationship with a former TAM poster by the name of The Rosenberg. I've been helping her out financially and we're supposed to meet up this weekend. She says she was unfairly banned. Does anybody know her? Is there anything I should be concerned about? She almost seems too good to be true.


 I wish you would hurry up and cut her a check, my cousin the prince of Nigeria is in some financial straits and I've managed to talk Ms. Rosenberg into helping us out. Hurry up with that money, the jets on the tarmac with the engines running!

PS...she told she was banned for being too generous to other TAM members, how can anyone not have a crush on her?


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

GusPolinski said:


> LOL. I hope you're into guys.


You're the third poster to state this so I'm having doubts now. It is a little odd though that she claims she only makes love in the dark, but everybody has their preferences I guess. I'll let you know how things went after I meet her.


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

drerio said:


> Come to think of it, I think my true TAM crush is joe kidd. Only problem pidge, might have something to say about it


Minions - WHAT ?! - YouTube


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Cooper said:


> I wish you would hurry up and cut her a check, my cousin the prince of Nigeria is in some financial straits and I've managed to talk Ms. Rosenberg into helping us out. Hurry up with that money, the jets on the tarmac with the engines running!
> 
> PS...she told she was banned for being too generous to other TAM members, how can anyone not have a crush on her?


:lol:


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Get a room - Booking.com TV Commercial Ad - YouTube


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

Crush is the wrong word. More like respect and admiration.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

ReformedHubby said:


> Sigh.... our EA didn't even last twenty four hours. Just curious but is something wrong with the term twin flame? I thought it was a synonym for soul mate. I was joking of course as were you but I was not aware that twin flame was a negative term. Serious question.


Shh, don't tell Dolly I posted!

Clearly my Australian is not going through google translate properly.

I LAUGHED at the twin flames thing. And i considered editing my crush list on this thread to add you. 



Dolly! No really we're just discussing your surprise party!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

CH said:


> Crush is the wrong word. More like respect and admiration.


Why is it the wrong word?

Not everyone is married in this forum so crushes happen!


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

Most people here _are_ married, though.


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

I know but this fact doesn't make the term wrong.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

I think he meant _for him_, crush would be the wrong word.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

ReformedHubby is cracking me up! I have no idea who this crush is, but I'm thinking Lindbergh baby.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Married people can have crushes. Their job, should they choose to accept it, is to put it into perspective and not feed the fantasy.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Lyris said:


> Everyone's being very pious. "Oh no, I just ADMIRE posters!"
> 
> I've had lots of TAM crushes. I will list them here.
> 
> ...


Just getting back from a business trip ... and catching up.

Thank you love for including me!! 

You are certainly one of those I have confided in.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> Ahhh Stritle
> Now there was a man that could make a girl's mind wander....
> 
> Lyris was my girl crush for ages. She could always say what I wanted to say so much more eloquently than I. Then I found out she had a really magnificent arse too. If I didn't love the penis so much I would definitely go for it


He is a lucky SOB that one eh.

So now look at these two hotties go now. How sweet. Aussie and British ladies. Ah ... imagine the possibilities ...


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I think the best way to handle a tam crush is to cut communication with the object of your crush immediately and take a break from tam.


A wise lady she is. But still ... there are those I confess I miss quite a bit none-the-less. The way of things it is for some anyway. Some I wish would come back. Sigh.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> A wise lady she is. But still ... there are those I confess I miss quite a bit none-the-less. The way of things it is for some anyway. Some I wish would come back. Sigh.


I know how you feel,Ent.


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