# women please explain



## 1veryconfused (Apr 7, 2009)

Why do women need to flirt and have other guys flirt with them to make them feel better about them selves?

I have been married 9 years and I do a ton for her, all of her friends say I am awesome and they wish there hubbies would do half the stuff I do. So I am at a loss on why she needs to have this attention from other men that frankly I don't trust. Some I do but even at that why can you get that from your husband?

Yes I know some of you will say I should trust her and I do but there is a point, or at least to me, that the marriage has some boundrys of what is healty and what is not. I think that if you push them you are asking for trouble?


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

Women (and men, probably) flirt to feel something they aren't getting from their spouse. You say you do a ton for her, but maybe what you're doing isn't registering with her, or it's not what she wants from you.

Take this opportunity to talk with your wife to find out what is going on. This is a symptom of a marriage that is not working right, and it's best to get to the bottom of it and start communicating and both start working to change so both are happy.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Leahdorus said:


> Women (and men, probably) flirt to feel something they aren't getting from their spouse. You say you do a ton for her, but maybe what you're doing isn't registering with her, or it's not what she wants from you.
> 
> Take this opportunity to talk with your wife to find out what is going on. This is a symptom of a marriage that is not working right, and it's best to get to the bottom of it and start communicating and both start working to change so both are happy.


:iagree:

Doing laundry and such doesn't equate to “Gee I think you look sexy honey!”

Try reading “The Five Languages of Love”

For years I though I was doing all the right things for my wife but they weren’t in her love language so they didn’t mean as much to her as I thought they did.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Some women flirt to affirm their attractiveness to the opposite sex. Has NOTHING to do with you. She KNOWS she is attractive to YOU, she is just wanting to know she still has the ability to attract other men. 

Being sexually attractive to a man other than your husband is a serious ego boost. 

Maybe it is just harmless flirting, or perhaps she just attracts men. 

For example, some women must consciously avert their eyes from men, or they constantly get "hit" on. The grocery store, the gas station, the hardware store, the doctor's office. 

On the other hand, some MEN are constantly "hit" on by women. My son is one example.  Drives ME crazy in that these women have NO shame!  I can't imagine if he had a wife who would have to deal with it. He does NOTHING - it is the women. He's 23, even women in their forties...


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Sandy55 said:


> Drives ME crazy in that these women have NO shame!  I can't imagine if he had a wife who would have to deal with it. He does NOTHING - it is the women. He's 23, even women in their forties...


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## Leahdorus (Jul 28, 2008)

:rofl::rofl: Nice one, Amp!


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## 1veryconfused (Apr 7, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> Some women flirt to affirm their attractiveness to the opposite sex. Has NOTHING to do with you. She KNOWS she is attractive to YOU, she is just wanting to know she still has the ability to attract other men.
> 
> Being sexually attractive to a man other than your husband is a serious ego boost.
> 
> ...


Sandy55 that is what see told me that she does not see her self that way. I can tell you that she is 10 to me which I know I am partial so I guess you could say a 9, she really is hot and all her friends tell her that also (female friends). Believe me when we go out she is always getting hit on.

Out of all if it I am starting to feel it is me, in that I mean she is wanting something from another man and that hurts.


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

Amp: :rofl: 

When he brings one home that wants to know what wrinkle cream I use I will break up :rofl:


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

1veryconfused said:


> Sandy55 that is what see told me that she does not see her self that way. .


Does she suffer from low self esteem?


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## 1veryconfused (Apr 7, 2009)

Amplexor said:


> Does she suffer from low self esteem?


I don't think so.. I know I have to think before I say anything so that she does not take it in the wrong context but other then that I think she is fine?


Sandy thanks for the smile!


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

1veryconfused said:


> I know I have to think before I say anything so that she does not take it in the wrong context but other then that I think she is fine?


Please expand, why would she be upset by a compliment from you?
:scratchhead:


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## 1veryconfused (Apr 7, 2009)

no not from me but how I ask her why she needs this from other men. She has a hard time explaining this to me. In a way I see mental affair and she thinks it is harmless fun. On the flip side I see very little flirting with me and she says that is different, I am not seeing it I guess.


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## mjr810 (Aug 24, 2008)

Amplexor said:


> Does she suffer from low self esteem?


I think it has to be. Maybe not a horrible opinon of herself but still something lacking.

Flirting might give an ego boost, but it isn't going to improve her self esteem. That's not something you can get from someone else....not your spouse, your neighbor, your co-workers You have to do that yourself, that's why its called 'self' esteem. And you do that by recognizing and valueing your own personal accomplishments in life which are as varied as each individual. You might have a goal of losing 10 pounds or learning a foreign language or finishing your degree. As long as YOU accomplish something that YOU value, then your self esteem will grow.

So you can relax about it being you, 1very. 

One last thought. You know what would reduce the number of 'hits' women in general get from the male creeps of this world? A response such as 'How dare you insult me, my marriage, my husband. What makes you think I am the type of woman that would sleep around? You can communicate these thoughts without uttering a single word. As long as you can tell the difference between a smile with a friendly hello and a 'hit', you won't have any trouble from men.

Women must begin to stand up for themselves and take thier rightful place in our society. They should not have to walk around averting their eyes from men so that they don't get 'hit' on when they are at the gas station, the grocery store, or wherever.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

Sandy55 said:


> Some women flirt to affirm their attractiveness to the opposite sex. Has NOTHING to do with you. She KNOWS she is attractive to YOU, she is just wanting to know she still has the ability to attract other men.


Don't shoot me! But this rang a bell.

There are a lot of threads here about men and porn. In them, men often answer with a very close version of the above.

But it seems to me both results are similar.

A man watches porn...and his SO feels hurt, less attractive, and like she doesn't "do it" for him anymore. He insists it has NOTHING to do with her.

Here is a woman flirts...and her SO feels hurt, less attractive, and like he doesn't "do it" for her anymore. She insists it has NOTHING to do with him.

Perhaps...(just perhaps)...there are parallels here, how both things strike at things the other sex just doesn't understand?

And regardless...if the activity is hurting your SO, then why continue to do it? And if you can't stop, isn't it just as big a problem?


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## 1veryconfused (Apr 7, 2009)

DownButNotOut said:


> And regardless...if the activity is hurting your SO, then why continue to do it? And if you can't stop, isn't it just as big a problem?


I think that is where i am at, I hurt and she doesn't see or want's to see how it hurts. On her side she is doing nothing wrong and that is where the problem lies


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## jivey (Jun 18, 2009)

I believe its a self-esteem issue on your wife's part and needing attention from other men. to make her self feel wanted and attractive. there is your harmless flirting and flirting with the intention of something else might brew.
if you have mentioned to your wife that this behavior bothers you and she continues. That's just flat out disrespect for your feeling and wish's. If the shoe was on the other foot. I am sure you would be racked over the coals
my wife disrespect's my wish's and feelings all the time so I know how you feel. most have to deal with it or move on.


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## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Intersting thread. I often avert my eyes in public, because I don't want to know what creepy men are staring at me. I have also scooped a room for cute guys, but never flirted, because I am married and I am not a flirty type. I think many men and women flirt innocently just for fun. It is up to the married couple to decide what is acceptable and where to draw the line.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Actively flirting comes only when women need male affirmation or are interested in finding a man. The first is a sign of poor self-esteem--no woman who feels good about herself needs affirmation from anyone else. The 2nd is a sign of a single woman--literally or figuratively. Many women don't flirt, however, so please don't paint all with the same brush.

Being friendly is not the same as flirting, however. Friendly is showing an interest in others regardless of their age or gender. If she wouldn't do or say such things to another woman, she is flirting, not just being friendly. If she admits to flirting, then it's time to address her need for male affirmation. If she knows she's hot, why does she need to do it? Why does she enjoy the "power" it gives her? Any woman who has ever experienced that power knows what I'm talking about, and we all know (if we are honest with ourselves) when we are exercising it, even if we aren't sure why. But to assume it is "harmless" is to miss the more important point: she has issues. 

You, of course, have issues, too. Maybe some counseling for both of you is in order. What your wife does out of her own poor self esteem should not be enough to make you question your self worth and feel hurt. If you know she loves you and is just acting out of her own issues, why do you care so much? Best of luck in finding answers to these questions. Your marriage will be stronger if you both seek help.


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