# Is it just me?



## dunno11 (Feb 6, 2011)

I'm new to the forum, I've been having some issues with my husband. I've been married for four years and he is a lot older than me. I'm 23 and he is 44. He looks at porn almost everyday. I'm slim and pretty and I dont see why he has to always look at that crap. i thought being in a marriage was because you love someone? Why look at other women when your married to a young woman that is actually pretty. Our sex life is great but besides that there is no affectionate. This has been going on for a while but i dont know how much more I can take. Is it just me or is looking at that crap okay? It kicks my self esteem down everytime he looks at it. I dont know what to do anymore. Help Please?


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

dunno11 said:


> I'm new to the forum, I've been having some issues with my husband. I've been married for four years and he is a lot older than me. I'm 23 and he is 44. He looks at porn almost everyday. I'm slim and pretty and I dont see why he has to always look at that crap. i thought being in a marriage was because you love someone? Why look at other women when your married to a young woman that is actually pretty. Our sex life is great but besides that there is no affectionate. This has been going on for a while but i dont know how much more I can take. Is it just me or is looking at that crap okay? It kicks my self esteem down everytime he looks at it. I dont know what to do anymore. Help Please?


This is a very common problem. Check the "sex in marriage" section of this forum. I don't think men understand how it damages a woman's self esteem. And I know when I was 23 I would get so mad and offended even if he had a Playboy magazine. Now, I'm 32, so a little wiser and I know more about the world. I don't really like it, but I do understand that men like to look at women's bodies. My H will tell you that there are so many varieties, that it's just visual stimuli. It isn't that they don't find their spouse attractive, they just want to look. And most masturbate to it, but not all the time. And masturbation always bothered me when he has a willing partner, but I think sometimes men just need the release and it might not be convenient for us wives. Also, if you have a good lover, he is concerned with doing the whole boat and pony show, and the energy might not be there for that so he just pleasures himself quickly. The porn is a visual. 

Of course there are men that take this too far. MarriedWifeInLove had a good post recently about how she's trying to understand the porn obsession and not feel offended by it. And there is quite a large age gap in your marriage. As long as the porn isn't taking priority over you, and you aren't being turned down in favor of porn, I'd try to understand his side of it. Talk to him about it, but in a nonthreatening way.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Yes, check the Sex In Marriage forum and look at a few of my threads.

I have a poster who put things into perspective for me. Doesn't make it easier to handle, but I have a better perspective on it and am trying to make sure I don't take it personally (very hard, I know, I deal with it everyday). 

And to be honest, I sort of feel better knowing that age doesn't have anything to do with men looking at porn.

I know how you feel...only difference is you're 23 and I'm 50 - so the issue was definitely making me more insecure due to my advancing age.

It's not about you...really, go check out the threads.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Looking at porn is ok if both of you agree that it is. If it makes you uncomfortable, then you should be able to talk to him and tell him your concerns, and he should listen, and he should respect you enough to try to stop looking at it because he knows it makes you uncomfortable. 

I very much doubt that it has anything to do with you. It's just something that (some) men do. Some do it way too much; some get obsessed and addicted. If you think that's what he's doing, then talk to him about that, too. But mainly, make sure that he understands that this is really hurting your feelings and making you feel badly about yourself. 

At the same time, don't let it make you feel bad. You're a very attractive woman, I'm sure, and unlike an actress in a porn video or a nude model in a magazine, you have a lot to offer a man; all they can offer is an image.


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## mtg2 (Jan 6, 2011)

Not just you. Porn is damaging. It fosters an element of objectivity into the relationship. It hurts self esteem and emotional intimacy. It makes sense that you may feel a decreased level of affection. Talk with your H. His use of porn is creating issues for you which will also create issues in the marriage. Forsaking all others ....His affections and desires should be for you alone. (IMO)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## eli (Jan 29, 2011)

Many of us have been there so you are definitely not alone. It is hurtful and I bet they'd go nuts if we did the same thing!Why don't we? Is it because we respect our partners feelings or just because its such a lame thing to do! Good luck.


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

So you were 19 when you married a 40 year old, if i were your dad i'd have some words for that fella.

Anywho, i have been very open about the fact that i watch porm. I'm not proud of it, i don't wear the T-shirt. But i have not let it affect our s3x life one iota. I'm not "ultra" aggressive just because i just saw some guy pound away on some girl on the screen. I've actually learned positions and techniques from watching porm. It sounds like to me is that porm has made your husband more of a clinician in the bedroom... instead of a lover. Talk to him about it because you are turning more into an object to have sex with instead a woman to make love to.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I notice these "husbands looking at porn" threads a lot, and personally i don't get it. I'm a guy and I think it is totally disrespectful for the guy to look at it as his own little hobby aside from his wife. maybe it's just the culture where I'm from, but it just seems odd to me.

I especially don't understand if sex is good between the couple. Looking at porn together if both are ok with it seems fine. I was married 18 years and my sex life was less than great, but I never looked at porn unless it was the few times my wife and i did it together. I can't imagine just sitting around looking at the computer screen or magazine and my wife knowing about it.

Maybe it just doesn't do for me what it does for other men.


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## eli (Jan 29, 2011)

Southbound - what a hero!


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## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

Us porm guys, we are all heathens and the dreggs of society.

If your mate has a problem with you viewing porm, and you still do regardless, then you have a problem. But that mate had better be holding up her own sexual responsibility.


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## Draguna (Jan 13, 2011)

So... My gf and I each look at porn, mostly not together. Sex life is great. If possible, every day. I like my male/female / hentai porn, she likes the lesbian/gay/yaoi stuff. What does that make us? Just wanted to say it is not always bad, can be a handy tool lik toys if used properly.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## zohaib (Dec 24, 2010)

Well its really disgusting kind of a thing when u r married..
Firstly make your husband feel that u husr bcoz of this....

there 2 solutions for this..

1-> whenever he will be watching that porn stuff just try to attract him, seduce him to have a sex with u...or show him ur body so that he will pay his attention toward u rather paying attention toward screen of PC.so after some time he will be addict of u...and will not have interest in watchin this porn stuff.

2-> if it doesn't works then talk to him directly but in a polite and romantic manner..that r u not able to fulfil his sexual desire, if yes then wats the need of watching porn?
ask him wat he is getting in watching porn that u r unable to give him.!
let him know that these are just pictures n videos and in real they can't fulfill his sexual desires.
ask him y he do this n tell him that u have been hurted lot of the time coz of this..and it is making u afraid that u r unable to satisfy him.
and falling u in inferiority.

hope it will help u.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'm with Rob774...there are a multitude of reasons why a husband will look at porn. To assume that they're some sort of degenerate for doing so is a bit extreme after all, we see porn as media...not a real woman.

But if doing so upsets either party than a discussion and resolution needs to take place. A discussion of why he's looking at it, and the ramifications of doing so on his wife's emotional state is essential.


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