# 19, Married, Pregnant & Watching Porn



## HotLove&Emotion (Mar 14, 2014)

Hello, I am new to this forum and would greatly appreciate any help from the members here since I don't have anywhere to turn. 

I've been married for a little more than half a year now, shortly after I got pregnant (I'm 5 months) and my husband and I are both young but we're very much inlove and have a great marriage. 

The thing is I used to love having sex with him and used to want it all the time and he wants it just as much, doing it 3-4 times a day. But shortly after getting pregnant I've lost interest in sex. Every morning when he goes to work I watch porn for a hour or so, get off and get on with my day until he comes home. He tries touching, kissing and wanting to have sex but him touching me is annoying me, I do have sex with him to just keep him happy and get him to stop touching me.

He asks me why I'm never in the mood to do it anymore and if it's because I'm not attracted to him anymore. I don't have any answer, my sex drive is so low I hate how sad he gets because I reject him so much and it's hurting him and his blaming himself. 

I'm wondering if it's because of the porn? I only started watching porn when I got pregnant and lost interest in sex. I enjoy getting off to porn more. I hate this. I wish I could back to my old self. My husband doesn't know I watch porn and would be very upset if he found out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

If you have no interest in sex, what does watch porn give you? Are you masturbating to it? If yes, then you DO have an interest in sex, just not an interest in your husband.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

I highly doubt he'd be upset if he knew.

My suggestion is to watch it with him. Be prepared for him to admit that he watches it in secret too though - 99.999% of guys do. And stop watching it by yourself.

There are also other things you can do to spice things up, but I really think that your hormones are screwing with you. Instead of rejecting him, try to 'fake it till you make it' more often.

Know that once the baby comes your time for intimacy is going to tank. Really really try to make the time you have left with no kids special for both of you, and come up with ideas to keep things spicy in the future. Sadly, sex is a huge issue in far too many marriages. It's good that you're seeking help now.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

If you suspect it's the porn then how about give it a week or two off and see?

It could be hormonally based. I found my sex drive got higher later in the pregnancy.

But if your main concern is that your husband is hurt because you are rejecting him - stop rejecting him.


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## HotLove&Emotion (Mar 14, 2014)

He doesn't watch porn and he has explained to me before that porn has some physiological effects. That's why I think maybe it's the porn, I watch It every day and masturbate to it that I lost interest In real intimacy. 

I do have sex with him every day and give him oral too sometimes but it's getting me to resent him now, every time he cuddles with me I think."oh ****, he probably wants to have sex". 

I've tried explaining that my hormones are all over the place since of the pregnancy but I think his blaming himself thinking I'm not attracted to him and that's not the case, he is attractive.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

You're spoiling yourself with all the male studs in the porn movies. No way your husband is going to match up to them so of course he's going to seem unattractive to you.

If you want to save your marriage then stop watching the porn. If you don't have enough self control to stop the porn even though it's greatly affecting your marriage, well then you have bigger issues than a lack of attraction to your husband.


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## kitty2013 (Dec 6, 2013)

I love watching porn, but I stop watching it lately. I read a thread from a heartbroken father, who has a daughter that is a porn actress.
By watching it, I feel guilty for helping that industry growing. I still like it, but I cannot open a porn video now because it reminds me of that father's words. 
Back to your question, you can try to stop watching porn to see if the sex between you and your husband improve.


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## HotLove&Emotion (Mar 14, 2014)

I will stop watching porn starting today. Is there any ways I can stop myself when the urge comes up?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

HotLove&Emotion said:


> I will stop watching porn starting today. Is there any ways I can stop myself when the urge comes up?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Rub one out by HAND without watching porn.


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

My opinion is that you are using the porn to meet your needs because in part it is easier to do that than it is to face whatever obstacles are cropping up in your relationship.

You are probably concerned about being 19 and pregnant.

You are certainly concerned about what you perceive as a lack of desire for your husband.

The porn might be a way for you to get your needs met without having to face the problem head on.

You are probably feeling resentment toward your husband because he is the other half of the equation of the difficulties you are having. You are feeling frustration over not being able to work these things out with your husband. Rather than facing the difficulty and broaching the subject it is easier for you to feel resentment toward him.

The porn satiates you but by the end of the day you still have to face the problems in your relationship with your husband.

At 19 I would guess that you don't know a lot about difficulties in relationships and how to work them out. It is important to just talk about how you are feeling without placing blame. And don't blame yourself either - you are going through a lot of hormonal swings with your pregnancy.

The porn is really just a diversion - it's not helping you, that's for sure. See what you can do about having a calm discussion with your husband. Also try to get more information on the effects that pregnancy can have on you. I wish you the best...


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

Thound said:


> Rub one out by HAND without watching porn.


To take that step further, fantasize about your husband while your rubbing one out. 

The more I fantasized about my husband, the more I desired HIM. Not just sex. Not just release. But being intimate with him.


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## HotLove&Emotion (Mar 14, 2014)

Thound said:


> Rub one out by HAND without watching porn.


The problem is I can't do that without watching porn. I've faked my orgasims since we started having sex and he doesn't know, it would break his heart. I've never had sequel orgasim or oral and he put me above his needs all the time before his and he can never find out I was faking this whole time but it seems impossible to get off without watching porn and taking my time to meet my needs because it takes me along time (30th me to an hour) to reach my needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HotLove&Emotion (Mar 14, 2014)

sparkyjim said:


> My opinion is that you are using the porn to meet your needs because in part it is easier to do that than it is to face whatever obstacles are cropping up in your relationship.
> 
> You are probably concerned about being 19 and pregnant.
> 
> ...


Thank you for this reply. You are mostly right. We've argued so much and we stopped talking about our problems because they always lead to arguments and we don't have money for counseling. I've tried reading articles on how to communicate but it's difficult, either he gets defensive or I do. And I can't tell him my feelings without him getting defensive, or blaming me so he doesn't have to feel guilty. I don't know what to do. I guess my pregnancy is also stressing me out because we didn't have a lot of time to adjust to each other and learn to communicate.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MysticSoul (Mar 3, 2014)

HotLove&Emotion said:


> Thank you for this reply. You are mostly right. We've argued so much and we stopped talking about our problems because they always lead to arguments and we don't have money for counseling. I've tried reading articles on how to communicate but it's difficult, either he gets defensive or I do. And I can't tell him my feelings without him getting defensive, or blaming me so he doesn't have to feel guilty. I don't know what to do. I guess my pregnancy is also stressing me out because we didn't have a lot of time to adjust to each other and learn to communicate.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If you WANT to go to counseling, find a counselor that works on a sliding scale, and tailor the frequency of appointments to meet both your needs and your wallet. When we went to counseling, I found the GREAT one who was fresh out of school, doing her required hours before she was allowed to be fully licensed. She was closely supervised by a licensed therapist, and she was significantly CHEAPER than a fully licensed therapist. We got the same results, for less money. We also went twice a month, instead of once a week.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Take it from someone who faked for 18 years - stop doing that.

No wonder you don't want to have sex with him - not that you aren't having orgasms with him but that you aren't making yourself vulnerable with him. You are not letting him in, not letting him know that it takes a long time, not communicating what it takes.

There is no good outcome to faking except your chronic disappointment with your sex life and your growing resentment that he can't please you.


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

MissScarlett is right. If you're faking it he doesn't even know he's not pleasing you. You have to tell him to change this. You could even just say that it seems to be taking you longer. Tell him exactly what you need or want. Success will make him more confident anyway.


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## MRABoysHaveSmallPeanut (Mar 13, 2014)

What kind of porn are you watching and what is it in the porn that gets you excited, if I may ask?


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I would go with secret10. 
I do not know if you need to tell him at this time because that could be an unnecessary complication. 

Just say the pregnancy has changed things and you need more foreplay or porn, a vibe or whatever. Stop faking like Miss Scarlet said because in the end nothing good will come of that.


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## yruhere (Aug 28, 2012)

the porn is the culprit. Perhaps you should seek help before you get so out of hand that you lose your marriage. I AM SERIOUS!


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## HotLove&Emotion (Mar 14, 2014)

Ive read the physiologic effects porn has on the brain and I will definitely stop watching it. I will distract myself when I get In the mood and safe it for my husband. 

My husband used to take his time before by kissing, touching, rubbing and all that foreplay until I was wet, I didn't have a orgasm but I felt good but now he kisses and rubs me for a few minutes and wants to have sex while I'm very dry, he spits on his tip and puts it in, it's painful sometimes and I've told him but he doesn't listen or try foreplay, only to get off I think. 

I want to stop faking my orgasms but I'm afraid he won't be able to give me one even if we foreplay for hours. Thanks for all the replies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

HotLove&Emotion said:


> Hello, I am new to this forum and would greatly appreciate any help from the members here since I don't have anywhere to turn.
> 
> I've been married for a little more than half a year now, shortly after I got pregnant (I'm 5 months) and my husband and I are both young but we're very much inlove and have a great marriage.
> 
> ...



Some ladies while pregnant do lose interest in sex due to natural hormonal changes. And after having the baby, the hormones might be off for a short or long time and you will still not want sex, until they bounce back. In some cases, meds might even be needed if the hormones don't bounce back.

If you're watching porn daily and getting off daily, no wonder you don't want sex with your hubby. You have replaced him.

If you must get off, use a vibrator and sexy pics of him. Have your hubby made a whole bunch of sexy pics for you, that you can view and get off with. Cell? Ipod? Laptop?

Watching too much porn will desensitize your brain. You will get used to it and don't want the real thing much anymore.

Would you want a pizza with one topping or a pizza with any toppings you could desire?

Tell him what porn turns you on. Do that with him. You are married and nothing if off the table. You shouldn't feel uneasy talking to him about your fantasies. Learn and grow together.

For instance. If he gives you oral, but you would like a vib on you at the same time, tell him. If certain positions turn you off or you can never get off, tell him.

Us guys don't read our ladies minds. We are simple. Tell us or we will probably never clue in. But when you tells us, get to the point and don't talk around the subject.

Tell him, oral for you first, or no sex for him. Can't expect him to just be in you, almost dry. That's ridiculous on his part.


Talk the 5 love languages quiz together, compare, talk about it and post the results on the fridge, as a daily reminder. Worked wonders for my wifee and I.

Home | The 5 Love Languages®


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

All the more reason you should stop faking - he thinks you are getting yours in just a few minutes so has no motivation to try any harder than that.

Just blame it on the pregnancy.

It's true he might not be able to get you off. Those are the facts. No reason fluffing his feelings while you are suffering and dreading having sex with him. He thinks he is doing you right but the truth is you feel like his masturbation device. 

Perhaps, like me, you tell yourself it will get better in time. Not so much. If he's under the impression he doesn't have to try he won't try or change.


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## HotLove&Emotion (Mar 14, 2014)

MissScarlett said:


> All the more reason you should stop faking - he thinks you are getting yours in just a few minutes so has no motivation to try any harder than that.
> 
> Just blame it on the pregnancy.
> 
> ...


Yeah, I used to enjoy sex and faking it but now I dread having sex and feeling like I'm being used for his pleasure but that's my fault because he thinks his doing a good job. 

How should I go about him getting me offf? I usually pretend to get off in a few mins to get it over with but I think know once I start enjoying it I'll like having sex again. 

Should I just tell him pregnancy hormones are messing with my sex drive and he should spend more time on pleasing me? 

I feel like he doesn't like trying to please me anymore, a touch here and there and than wants to jump to sex even knowing I'm drier than the Sahara. He has tried giving me a oral but I don't let him anymore.

Once out of anger I told him I've never had an orgasm with him but he laughed and didn't believe me. Of course I was happy once I calmed down because he probably would not even look at me again if he knew I was faking. 

So how should I go about this? 
Just tell him straight up to take longer time doing foreplay or give him hints? Because I don't think his very happy and I hate seeing him disappointed in our sex life. His friends complain about it and I don't want him going to them complaining too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Well, you can start by saying you feel that he is not happy with sex right now. Is that true? Then say he used to spend a lot of time kissing and touching you and you feel that has stopped. Because that has stopped you don't look forward as much to sex. Because you both aren't happy with sex it is not going very well. Can we just regroup?

And don't fake. If you continue faking then you can't place much blame on him. We all can only make decisions based on the information we have. If he doesn't know how you feel he can't fix anything.

That conversation never gets easier. Never. I'm 44, I had to tell my husband last year that I had been faking all along. I wish more than anything I'd done it at your age.

Years from now instead of porn you might start thinking about other men and how someone else might be able to get you off much easier.

This situation just gets worse. It does not get better when you fake. It very difficult to stop faking because it becomes so second nature. And when they are trying and you can't give them that satisfaction it is a terrible feeling. Its the truth, though. Lying might make him feel better it will only result in you avoiding sex down the road. I had planned to fake it to the grave but it just got to be too much. I just didn't want that any more, with only one of us feeling good.


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## secret10 (Feb 12, 2014)

Pregnancy could be making you more dry but I wouldn't blame it on that either. I'm assuming that you know that you will get wet when you're ready, so why not tell him that it's not time yet unless you are wet and ready. It's normal for it to take longer to get to that point sometimes anyway. That should be a sign to him that you are ready, one that you can't fake. If you're not yet, then it just means more foreplay time. 

I'm sorry you are going through this.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

why would anybody marry someone or continue to stay married to someone who can't get them off?

how is he suppose to know how to get you off if your not honest and tell him what you like.

faking orgasm to not hurt is feeling is going to come back to haunt you. 

I say just tell him you have been faking and you want to show him what you like so you don't have to fake anymore.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

You get in that situation because you feel YOU are broken and you don't want your sexual partner to know you are broken. What seems so stupid and easy to other women is impossible for you - it becomes your shameful secret.


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I think wetness is a necessary prerequisite for sex and you need to tell him that it is uncomfortable to start dry. 

I think many guys you could just tell them that you have been faking but some more fragile egos would be hurt and with someone who is LD it may not help.

He is probably clueless that his performance is bad. He is partly to blame because a good lover takes interest in their partner but you faking made it easy for him to just assume he was doing everything right. 

I still think using the pregnancy as an excuse for change is the safest bet and the path of least resistance. If that does not work more honesty may be required but it is better to try to not take any steps backwards.


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## HotLove&Emotion (Mar 14, 2014)

I used to think I had a problem that I couldn't get wet anymore but when I watch porn I usually put a towel on the bed and sometimes the wetness still soaks in thru the towel onto the bedsheets. So I know I definitely don't have a problem getting turned on by random men online, but I really wish he could get me wet like that. 

And there is no way I can tell him I am faking, his the type that would be heartbroken and probably even stop having sex with me at all. The best thing is to use pregnancy as an excuse and make him work harder for it. 

I am afraid I won't be able to get off with him. What if an hour of foreplay and sex passes and I'm still not getting off? I never really had sexual experiences and he hasn't either so I don't know what I like. When we do foreplay in the beginning of the marriage I used to pretend to get off because I thought he was getting tired and wondering why I was taking forever to get off with him. I made him feel so good about himself that I forgot about my needs and now I feel so used and he doesn't even know it. It's my fault.

Thanks for all the replies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Want2babettrme (May 17, 2013)

HotLove&Emotion said:


> I used to think I had a problem that I couldn't get wet anymore but when I watch porn I usually put a towel on the bed and sometimes the wetness still soaks in thru the towel onto the bedsheets. So I know I definitely don't have a problem getting turned on by random men online, but I really wish he could get me wet like that.
> 
> And there is no way I can tell him I am faking, his the type that would be heartbroken and probably even stop having sex with me at all. The best thing is to use pregnancy as an excuse and make him work harder for it.
> 
> ...


HLE, when we stimulate ourselves with something more intense (concentrated?) than the real thing, for instance porn compared to sex with our spouse, then our brains become acclimated to the more intense stimulus. After a while our brains expect the porn and real life isn't enough. 

This happened to me. I was a porn user all my life. Went through long sexless periods with my wife. When I started sex back with her, had difficulty reaching orgasm and staying hard. Almost no pre-cum. I went back to porn for a while, and noticed I would have huge amounts of pre-cum.

Just something to think about. You should take a break from the porn and let your husband know what you need. Give it some time. I've been told it can take a while (90 days or more) for our brains to reset with total abstinence from sex


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

HotLove&Emotion said:


> I am afraid I won't be able to get off with him. What if an hour of foreplay and sex passes and I'm still not getting off? I never really had sexual experiences and he hasn't either so I don't know what I like. When we do foreplay in the beginning of the marriage I used to pretend to get off because I thought he was getting tired and wondering why I was taking forever to get off with him. I made him feel so good about himself that I forgot about my needs and now I feel so used and he doesn't even know it. It's my fault.
> 
> Thanks for all the replies.


I do not think you need to quit instantly. 

Say it is getting worse as the pregnancy goes on. Even if he enjoys it -it is not exactly easy giving an orgasm from touch or oral. My wife prefers fingers and I usually sit up in bed beside her. At first my lower back would hurt a bit or my fingers would fall asleep because I have minor carpal tunnel issues. But after several months I got to where I had no problem sitting for as long as needed.

It is something that just takes practice to develop good technique. I am sure if he wants he will be able to learn to bring you to O as well as a person other than yourself could. To speed things up make sure he knows what moves are particularly good.

Maybe start with 20 minutes and work up from there and gradually cut out the faking 

-but go buy some good water based lube. My wife and I use it even though she produces good moisture. Put a bit on you palm and apply it to him before starting -he should like that.


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## Toriwings (Mar 21, 2014)

Porn starvation diets work. Just turn it off and save it all for him. Though you should talk to him about it. When my wife was pregnant, I ran into the same issue.


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