# I don't know what to do anymore



## roy0101 (Dec 5, 2011)

This is tough cause there's so much to tell and I know not many people want to read a ridiculously long post but I don't know how to simplify it all but I'll try. I'm 23 years old and in a 5 year relationship with my girlfriend and I just recently started having an affair with another woman because for about the past year I started feeling like I was falling out of love with my gf. I've been kind of wanting to break up with her for these past few months because I feel that our personalities clash too much and we don't spend a lot of time together yet a part of me still doesn't want to let her go. My feelings took a complete 360, one minute I felt like I couldn't live with out her and now I question whether I still even want to be with her. 

I've discussed my doubts with her, excluding the affair cause i know it would crush her if she found out, now she too took a complete 360 because in the past we've had a lot of break ups because she said she didn't feel as strongly about me as I did for her and she didn't want to string me along and each time I fought so hard to get her back but after telling her I was considering taking a break from our relationship she says she doesn't want to be without me and loves me so much and is sorry for all the break ups but the thing is I just don't feel happy anymore even after her confession, which at one point I wanted more than anything in the world was for her to fall in love with me and she says she wants to try and fix the relationship but I don't know if I even want to anymore and the only thing keeping me from ending it is this feeling of guilt cause she's a good girl and we do a lot to support each other in life and I don't want to leave her on her own. 
Any advice would be appreciated and I am willing to give more information if needed.


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

Leave her and let her find someone who deserves her. There is no excuse for an affair and she simply doesn't deserve that. So do what is best and tell her, and be done with it.


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## Dwatt (Dec 5, 2011)

So you are saying that you "feelings" of confusion are more important than the possible STD's you are willing to pass on to her. 
Your age shows. do her a favor and say good bye.


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## blissful (Nov 14, 2011)

roy0101 said:


> I just recently started having an affair with another woman because for about the past year I started feeling like I was falling out of love with my gf. I've been kind of wanting to break up with her for these past few months because I feel that our personalities clash too much and we don't spend a lot of time together yet a part of me still doesn't want to let her go.


Stop making excuses for why you are having an affair. it is wrong. regardless of what your issues are. you obviously don't respect your gf enough to be honest with her about why you want to end the realtionship, otherwise you would have told her about the affair.

my advice is -stop wasting any more of her time & yours. you can't have your cake & eat it too. you don't want to break up with her cos you enjoy having a back up plan around, but you aren't full committed to the relationship either. part of being an adult is not being selfish & right now yo are being very selfish.


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## SMiller (Dec 5, 2011)

You're not going to like this post. I agree with the others. It sounds like you want to have a back up plan by having someone on the side just in case your relationship doesn't work out or until you make up your mind. Don't you see how immature and selfish this is? Do your girlfriend a favor and let her go.


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## kallywana (Dec 2, 2011)

You're not going to like this post. l can't stand cheats. Please loose your gf and let her go and find a man that will treat and respect her because from all indications l don't think you know what you really want.


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## Patricia B. Pina (Nov 22, 2011)

The guilt is just temporary, it will go away. This affair is better kept secret because it will hurt your gf tremendously.

Your relationship is just going through down time. That is what relationship is. It either grow or die. But those that survive down time like this last forever. You have been in the relationship for 5 years, that means it can last.

If you want it to be over, then it is over.

But there is another way. You can save this relationship if you want to. But first, get rid of the other girl, she is a horrible distraction. 

Then, you need to talk to your girlfriend about your dying relationship and decide if you want to save it.

If you find it is hard to communicate with your girlfriend, you should get the relationship recovery program. The free mailing list is already filled with good content so you will have a good idea of what to do.

Here is a good review of the product: relationship recovery review


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Doesn't sound like you're really all that wild about her. Maybe she cares about you, but it sounds like she hasn't been madly in love with you either. You've turned this into a game and it seems you care more about the game than her. You guys are still attached because it's easy. But if neither of you are really all that committed, and if you're already so withdrawn from the relationship that you've been having doubts for so long and an affair for a year, then you really need to break up with her. You say that you don't want to leave her on her own, but she'll probably be just fine without you. You're not her parent. No one deserves what you're putting her through. Honestly, breaking up with her is far far far better than cheating on her; stop making a fool out of her and pretending to be noble about your reason for using her as your back-up plan. Sounds like you're young and don't really see how badly things could go. Sorry to be so harsh, but your behavior is appalling.


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## kallywana (Dec 2, 2011)

Let's not be judgemental here. Afterall, when compromise was going on, we were not there. For her to have written this she must be going through a lot and she is remoarseful. She is here for help and solution, why is and that is not helping right now. lt has happened and she is regretful. Way forward plessssssssssssss.


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