# The herp



## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Is herpes a deal breaker for you?

Let's say you've been getting to know somebody, everything is great, green flags all over the place, and right when you feel comfortable opening up and sharing some of your baggage, they tell you that they have an STD.

Obviously they care enough to tell you, it says a lot about their character. It was probably a terrifying experience to share something that personal, risking judgment and rejection.

Would you move on, is that too much to risk; or would you give the person a fair shot?

_[edit...]_
Here is another question, do you request a STD test to prove that the person your considering sleeping with doesn't carry any diseases, or do you just take their word for it? Have you ever requested proof?


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## tripad (Apr 18, 2014)

I would leave .

My body . my health . my life .


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## Florida_rosbif (Oct 18, 2015)

Do you know the difference between love and herpes?







Herpes lasts forever!!



Ah the old jokes, it's important to get them out and give them some exercise now and again......



In reply, I think that many people have simplex 1, the oral herpes related to cold sores, and that's no big deal and actually protects you against simplex 2. However, a potential partner with genital herpes, forget it, I'm out of there.......


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

I wouldn't be with them most likely. 

I also wouldn't have waited so long as to become emotionally attached before discussing such a topic in a open way.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

It would be a deal breaker for me. Condoms don't always prevent getting it (as the area around the penis is touching you too) and it's just not worth it IMO but then the sex part for me would happen during the getting to know each other stage so it wouldn't be a "love" or commitment situation yet so easy enough to walk away and start over with someone else. 

The best bet may be to find another woman who already has it, I think there are even dating sites for that.


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## Heatherknows (Aug 21, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> Is herpes a deal breaker for you?
> 
> Let's say you've been getting to know somebody, everything is great, green flags all over the place, and right when you feel comfortable opening up and sharing some of your baggage, they tell you that they have an STD.
> 
> ...


Too much risk. Get out now.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

intheory said:


> Wow, I feel like there's something about herpes that I'm missing here?
> 
> I guess I'm thinking that I'm in love with this person; and haven't had sex yet.
> 
> ...


See, even if I'm waiting to actually have sex, we'd have had these kinds of conversations in the first few dates to determine compatibility. 

So I wouldn't be that attached, if he waited a long time to tell me something like that, I would be upset that he kept it from me so in that case he'd still be gone. 

For me that's the kind of things that comes up sometime between "have you ever been married?" and "Do you like cats?" I don't need to know # of partners or specifics but anything that would affect me (STDs, sexual deal breakers, views on sex in general, etc) needs to be all out on the table before things get serious.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

I'd move on. What happens if you decide to give things a shot, you catch herpes, and the relationship doesn't work out? Now you are on the other end, having to explain to future partners that you have herpes and hoping they don't walk away (or hope they have as well). IMO there is too much crap out there and too much risk to not exercise caution, no matter what your hormones are telling you to do. I think I saw a news article that there is fear that gonorrhea will become drug resistant.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If they got herpes from their WS, then it would be really sad if that cheating meant they were never, ever able to have another relationship ever again. 

Of course, that's not our problem, but even so...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

intheory said:


> Wow, I feel like there's something about herpes that I'm missing here?
> 
> I guess I'm thinking that I'm in love with this person; and haven't had sex yet.
> 
> ...


I think the problem is you're risking your own health permanently for a love you have no idea will last the same length. So you may then become the single person with herpes. Seems way to risky for me which is why it's a deal breaker.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> If they got herpes from their WS, then it would be really sad if that cheating meant they were never, ever able to have another relationship ever again.
> 
> Of course, that's not our problem, but even so...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


There are millions of people who have it, finding another partner who already does too wouldn't be that hard.
Top 10 Herpes Dating Sites 2015: Editor & User Reviews
^ tons of people who are looking for a partner 

(now let's hope my H doesn't snoop and wonder why I googled dating sites for people with herpes LOL)


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

intheory said:


> Yes, you guys are all correct about that.
> 
> I'm looking at it romantically (will I ever learn?:|)


Nothing wrong with that. Would argue it's better than my cynical view of love and relationships :grin2:


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Heatherknows said:


> Too much risk. Get out now.


This. 

You'll find someone else to love who doesn't have an incurable and easily transmittable disease.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Reminds me of this skit (skip to 4:45)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7T0N7WFCNY


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

intheory said:


> Other Health Problems Caused by Herpes Simplex Virus-Topic Overview
> 
> 
> I just looked this up really quick, 'cause now I'm curious.
> ...


Did you do an image search? One time of having those on my vulva or anus is one time too many. 
There are ways to be safe and some couples can manage to not infect their partner but it's just too much risk for too little reward. 
I also would not sleep with a partner who was HIV+ even though there are ways to protect against that too. Just too much risk for me. 

Now if a partner I was already committed to and in love with contracted it in a way that _wasn't_ cheating or lying about it (don't know of any examples of that, rape maybe?) I would risk it to maintain a healthy sex life and relationship. But a new guy? No way.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Many people have it without even knowing it. Sometimes they don't even find out until their partner or past partners shows symptoms.

Here is another question, do you request a STD test to prove that the person your considering sleeping with doesn't carry any diseases, or do you just take their word for it? Have you ever requested proof?


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

gouge_away said:


> Many people have it without even knowing it. Sometimes they don't even find out until their partner or past partners shows symptoms.
> 
> Here is another question, do you request a STD test to prove that the person your considering sleeping with doesn't carry any diseases, or do you just take their word for it? Have you ever requested proof?


This. 
Most standard STD testing does not include HSV2 testing. I found this out recently. It has to specifically be requested by the person and the doctor. Why is this? Because there is such a high occurrence of it - 1 in 4 women carry it, 1 in 5 men - and the affects are so minimal that the health care industry does not think its "important" enough to test for. The majority of people never show a symptom or have an outbreak. 

So if someone says they've been tested (for example, if they're military and insist they were STD tested every year) they likely were NOT tested for HSV1 or HSV2.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

gouge_away said:


> Is herpes a deal breaker for you?
> 
> Let's say you've been getting to know somebody, everything is great, green flags all over the place, and right when you feel comfortable opening up and sharing some of your baggage, they tell you that they have an STD.
> 
> ...


The relationship is all that matters, in my opinion. They don't have to wear the mask of their past self unless we place it on them. They might have been cheated on and contracted a disease in that manner. Who knows?

I think it is acceptable for both partners to agree to STD testing before they become sexually active, but I've never gone this route. As others indicate, many individuals in the world have some form of herpes, whether it has visual signs or not. I don't want to eliminate most of the dating pool based on some preconceived insecurity I had.

Great people, or great matches, are too hard to find. Is it really worth ruining a great thing over some bumps? JMO

Relationship Teacher


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I would ask for an STD test prior to becoming sexual with them.

I would ask about their STD history prior to getting too deeply involved emotionally. Generally HSV-2 is not a terrible disease, but some people do have a bad time with it. I don't want to be one of those people, and it is not worth the risk to me. So I'd not continue the relationship with a woman who is HSV-2 positive.

HSV-1 is just the cold sore version which many or even most adults have. No big deal.

If you get an HSV test, be sure it is one which differentiates between the two types.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> If they got herpes from their WS, then it would be really sad if that cheating meant they were never, ever able to have another relationship ever again.
> 
> Of course, that's not our problem, but even so...


Sure they can have another relationship, with someone else who has herpes.

There are even dating sites for people who already have herpes. Just looked it up.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Relationship Teacher said:


> I don't want to eliminate most of the dating pool based on some preconceived insecurity I had.


How is this a perceived insecurity? Contracting an STD that could stick with you for the rest of your life seems beyond being an insecurity, it is a legitimate health concern ...


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> How is this a perceived insecurity? Contracting an STD that could stick with you for the rest of your life seems beyond being an insecurity, it is a legitimate health concern ...


It is, I just question why it is something that should cause so much self-doubt in individuals. It is something I used to consider a quality that made someone undateable. Now, I place 100x more importance on emotional and sexual compatibility.

If I had bumps "down there" would it really change anything? Only if I were insecure about it, I suppose.

Thanks, it is definitely food for thought.

Relationship Teacher


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

Relationship Teacher said:


> It is, I just question why it is something that should cause so much self-doubt in individuals. It is something I used to consider a quality that made someone undateable. Now, I place 100x more importance on emotional and sexual compatibility.
> 
> If I had bumps "down there" would it really change anything? Only if I were insecure about it, I suppose.
> 
> ...


Insecurity is not wanting you wife to be around any males b/c you are afraid she will cheat on you, even though you have no reason to think so. I fail to see how insecurity is caring enough about your health that you don't want to risk having an incurable disease transferred over to you. This also does fall under the sexual compatibility you mention above (at least in my book).

Don't get me wrong, each person will have their own viewpoint, I just don't agree that if a person says they wouldn't date someone with herpes or an STD, this makes them insecure.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

Relationship Teacher said:


> It is, I just question why it is something that should cause so much self-doubt in individuals. It is something I used to consider a quality that made someone undateable. Now, I place 100x more importance on emotional and sexual compatibility.
> 
> If I had bumps "down there" would it really change anything? Only if I were insecure about it, I suppose.
> 
> ...


It's not just bumps. 

Pain or itching that begins within two to 10 days after exposure to an infected sexual partner
Small red bumps or tiny white blisters, which may appear several days later
Ulcers that form when the blisters rupture and ooze or bleed
Scabs that form as the ulcers heal

Ulcers may make it painful to urinate. You also may experience pain and tenderness in your genital area until the infection clears.

During an initial outbreak, you may have flu-like signs and symptoms such as swollen lymph nodes in your groin, headache, muscle aches and fever.

During a recurrence, shortly before sores appear, you may feel:

Burning, tingling and itching where the infection first entered your body
Pain in your lower back, buttocks and legs


Not to mention having to spend the rest of your life informing sex partners and being rejected for having it.


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## Relationship Teacher (Jan 3, 2016)

EllisRedding said:


> Insecurity is not wanting you wife to be around any males b/c you are afraid she will cheat on you, even though you have no reason to think so. I fail to see how insecurity is caring enough about your health that you don't want to risk having an incurable disease transferred over to you. This also does fall under the sexual compatibility you mention above (at least in my book).
> 
> Don't get me wrong, each person will have their own viewpoint, I just don't agree that if a person says they wouldn't date someone with herpes or an STD, this makes them insecure.


It is just how I see it from my point of view, based on how I use to consider my feelings towards STD's and new dates.

You are right that it can seriously impact future prospects in dating. Every one poses very good questions and assertions, which furthers my appreciation for the differing opinions on this topic.

Relationship Teacher


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

> Not to mention having to spend the rest of your life informing sex partners and being rejected for having it.


*This says it all!

Personally, that's exactly why I would wait several dates before ever wanting sex to happen!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

I didnt/cant read all the replies, because they are just too emotionally/mentally damaging to me. 

I got HSV2 when I was 17, luckily I don't have HSV1 as well. It still been the biggest shame of my life. People think NOTHING of having a "cold sore" but that is exactly the same, its herpes on your face! How is that not grosser, or at least equally as gross as herpes where no one can see it? Herpes on your face is for everyone to see, and so few people even think to not share drinks or food with someone with face herpes, I know people who's kids have HSV1 because they werent careful around their kids while having an outbreak. 

The thing about herpes is that most healthy people don't ever have another outbreak past their first one, yet, us good, kind people still feel its our responsibility to tell potential partners. 

The truth is that you, or anyone who is told their potential partner has HSV1 or 2, is to talk about their outbreak occurrence, and what they do for preventative measures. 

If someone has had sex with more than like 5 people who are not virgins, you have been exposed to HSV and/or HPV. I would venture a guess that covers most of the posters here (have had sex with 5 or more people). Statistically speaking, there have to be some of you on here even have it, but it lays dormant sometimes, never causing any outbreaks ever, so the person never even knows they have it. Nobody ever told me they had it, I still don't know who I got it from, because nobody I was with ever had any visible symptoms. 

Unless having a direct outbreak, HSV is not something that shows up on an STD test, or a blood test, it is a specific other bloodtest that one has to specifically ask for.


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## Illbehisfoolagain (May 7, 2012)

Thor said:


> I would ask for an STD test prior to becoming sexual with them.
> 
> I would ask about their STD history prior to getting too deeply involved emotionally. Generally HSV-2 is not a terrible disease, but some people do have a bad time with it. I don't want to be one of those people, and it is not worth the risk to me. So I'd not continue the relationship with a woman who is HSV-2 positive.
> 
> ...


See this thinking is what REALLY confuses me. How is herpes on the face no big deal, when genitals is too much risk? Face herpes is still herpes, people get REALLY ill from outbreaks, have a ton of pain, and EVERYONE can see it! People are so much less careful with face herpes, its so rude! No one thinks twice about sharing a drink when they are having a face herpes outbreak. Also, people can get face herpes on their genitals too, so one is gross, and the other is ok? This social norm is SO confusing for me! It literally makes no sense!


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## SARAHMCD (Jul 2, 2014)

Illbehisfoolagain said:


> See this thinking is what REALLY confuses me. How is herpes on the face no big deal, when genitals is too much risk? Face herpes is still herpes, people get REALLY ill from outbreaks, have a ton of pain, and EVERYONE can see it! People are so much less careful with face herpes, its so rude! No one thinks twice about sharing a drink when they are having a face herpes outbreak. Also, people can get face herpes on their genitals too, so one is gross, and the other is ok? This social norm is SO confusing for me! It literally makes no sense!


Agreed. People need to educate themselves about it. As I said before, 1 in 4 women have it. Something like 90% will never have an outbreak. It is VERY common. More common than the majority of posters on here seem to realize. 

And yes, why is it ok and socially acceptable to have a cold sore on the face but not near the genital region? Not that anyone wants either, but still....

Do you ask potential partners before you kiss them if they have HSV1? In other words, have they ever had a cold sore in their life? I'm not talking about having an obvious current breakout. Because guess what? HSV1 can end up on your genitals as well if you have oral sex. Not so common, but still, it CAN happen. 

Everyone obviously makes their own choice if they want to take the risk. But I'm guessing a majority of people saying they wouldn't date someone with it haven't even been tested for it themselves. They may be in for a surprise.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

SARAHMCD said:


> Agreed. People need to educate themselves about it. As I said before, 1 in 4 women have it. Something like 90% will never have an outbreak. It is VERY common. More common than the majority of posters on here seem to realize.
> 
> And yes, why is it ok and socially acceptable to have a cold sore on the face but not near the genital region? Not that anyone wants either, but still....
> 
> ...


Wonder how many men on here have never had a BJ from someone whose STD status they didn't ask about........

Sent from my SM-G920V using Tapatalk


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I always inquire about STDs, and just take their word on it.

From my research the last few days, it appears that the majority of hsv and hpv carriers have no idea they are infected because they only showed symptoms from the initial infection, which typically last a day or two and presents itself as a pimple or rash.

The people that experience more severe symptoms that last longer and are far more painful are the ones that seek a diagnosis.

Over the last 10 years I have had a reoccurring (2 times a year for about a week or 2) rash along my lower abdominal region, waist line that I have been treating as eczema. After reading up on HSV I'm a little worried.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

intheory said:


> Well get thee to a doctor pronto, gouge_away.
> 
> Did a *dermatologist* diagnose it as eczema?


No, someone who I was close with at the time checked it out about 2 years ago, they had experience working as a technician in a dermatology clinic.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I might as well, webmd says I have viral meningitis, with a side of liver cancer, I'm a goner in 12 days anyhow.

Doctors must love this site


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I agree with the OP that it says a lot about someone's character to tell you upfront that they have Herpes (obviously, of course they should tell a potential sex partner). Can you imagine how scary it would be to do that? The number of rejections they would face because of it?

While noone really knows what they'd do faced with the situation, I believe that I would continue the relationship, holding off on physical intimacy until we were sure that this was a serious, long term committment relationship. I've seen first hand a relationship with this very scenario working well. In this case, my friend (female) has Herpes. She contracted it when her first husband cheated on her.

After many, MANY rejections and rivers of tears because of it, she met a wonderful man who doesn't have Herpes. They've been together for six years now and he still tests negative. Herpes is ONLY transmittable during an outbreak, so by practicing good hygeine with towels, bathroom, and abstaining from sex during an outbreak (she's only had 2 during their entire relationship, both at times of severe stress), the chances of contracting it are very slim.

It could be a way to really build a solid foundation for your relationship...just sayin'.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, there are many deal breakers for me. I am only speaking for myself and no one else. Among these are: having a criminal record, illegal drug use, and incurable sexually transmitted disease. Working my way through college and supporting myself were enough challenges in my youth. In my mature years, holding on to the stresses of a career, keeping in good health, and financially keeping on track are heavy challenges. 

A friend once ask me what I would do if I get widowed or divorced. I told her that I would consider joining a convent. I would get free board and lodging. I would leave the worries and challenges to the Church. My Catholic friend thought that I would need to request a long rosary.

Addendum: You ask if I ever requested proof. When my husband and I married in 1980 (first time marriage for both of us), a blood test was required to get a marriage license. It specified diseases such as STDs. This was proof before the marriage. Both of us were cleared.


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

Most people are exposed to the higher strains of HPV and have no idea. There are no visible signs like genital herpes. Testing a man for the higher strains is difficult and generally not done. Gyno's now test women when they do their paps. 




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Reading more and more over the last few days.

Statistically speaking somewhere between 1/5 and 1/4 of women in the US test positive for HSV-2 and HSV-1 respectively. For men the statistics are about the same for HSV-1 or HSV-2 at 1/5 of the population. (They typically don't test men for HSV-2, unless the breakouts are severe)

Of the infected men, 90% are asymptomatic, meaning they suffered one brief outbreak and haven't had any noticeable outbreaks since.

Women are 50/50 symptomatic/asymptomatic. Because of hormones, a weaker immunity, more stress, and a host of lady issues me don't deal with on a periodical basis, women shed the virus more often than men do. Often times the shedding of HSV-2 is overlooked as acne, or a yeast infection, and a proper diagnosis is not sought.

It is also more likely for a man to pass the virus asymptomatically (1% of the time) than for a woman to pass the virus asymptomatically (Almost never)

Friction from intercourse, the use of spermicides or oil base lubricants can trigger a reaction that may cause women to break out.

Condoms reduce the risk of transmitting HSV-2 by 30% when no symptoms are present.


I guess the surprising statistic is 1/4 of the population carries the virus, 75% of those that do have no known reoccurring symptoms.

That is 18.5% of the US population, 59 million people probably don't even know they are infected.

The mean rate of exposure to infection is 40 sexual encounters with an infected person; unaware. That is, on average having sex with a carrier 40 times, without any precautionary measures. "tag your it!"


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

What I don't get...
If transmitting herpes is so rare, as if the conditions have to be almost perfect, why do they claim 1/5th of the population is infected.

At 1% or lower rate of transmitting the virus, that would mean that the mean sexual partner count exceeds 20 partners.

Yet national statistics on partner count show a mean of 7 sexual partners per us citizen.

That would suggest that 1 in 15 carry HSV2, not 1 in 5.


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## OpenWindows (Dec 25, 2015)

gouge_away said:


> What I don't get...
> If transmitting herpes is so rare, as if the conditions have to be almost perfect, why do they claim 1/5th of the population is infected.
> 
> At 1% or lower rate of transmitting the virus, that would mean that the mean sexual partner count exceeds 20 partners.
> ...


1% is the transmission rate for when there are no symptoms. Not during an outbreak.

Condoms aren't great protection during an outbreak, depending on where the sores are.

Some people put on a condom and have sex when they're contagious. Some don't realize they have it, and some either tell the partner later or don't tell at all.

And if 40 is the average number of encounters to catch it from an infected person... well, that's only a few months of dating someone. And then you date someone else for a few months, and so do they... you get the picture.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

That's true, and having spent some years on or near any university,... 7 sexual partners is a semester for (I'm afraid to say it,) most college age men I knew.

Luckily I was with my son's mother throughout college, the only thing she caught from me was a pregnancy.

I think a lot of these statistics for whatever reason don't include large subgroups because the circumstances aren't calculable.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I had to have a complete work up for std's before my current gf would consider sex. I even had to get the new, expensive test for HIV that shows a positive if you've only had the virus a few days, after taking the normal HIV test and it was neg. Have hsv2 tested also, everything imaginable!
Glad I had the tests done. Now I don't have to worry about such things.....

Did I mention calling the doc and being in a rather big hurry to get the results????😇
And that it was well worth the wait?

The std thing is a deal breaker for me. I'd pass. Who wants disease?
There's other people out there!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

If you're going to ask for the tests, be sure to insist on seeing the actual results paperwork. Don't be nice about it if they say the tests were negative but don't hand over the paper. I know someone who caught a serious STD this way by not pushing the issue.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I have a REAL funny story to tell you.
I have face herpes or whatever you want to call it. Have had it for 30 years. Awhile back I am in a very BIG business Rotary meeting. Hundreds of people in a very formal lunch setting. The President introduces this opera singer. As it turns out, she was my very first girlfriend in high school. Got to second base
Anyway, she starts singing to a couple hundred people and then slowly makes her way around the room, singing all the while.
She gets to my table and makes me stand up. Says I was her first boyfriend and starts singing to me. I am petrified AND I have a big asss cold sore on my lip. She does not notice it and keeps singing. After singing to me she actually kisses me on the lips and THEN notices. The look in her eyes was priceless !!

Oh what fun !!!! 

I can't make this shiit up!

She did NOT talk to me after the meeting.


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## Deguello (Apr 3, 2015)

UMP said:


> I have a REAL funny story to tell you.
> I have face herpes or whatever you want to call it. Have had it for 30 years. Awhile back I am in a very BIG business Rotary meeting. Hundreds of people in a very formal lunch setting. The President introduces this opera singer. As it turns out, she was my very first girlfriend in high school. Got to second base
> Anyway, she starts singing to a couple hundred people and then slowly makes her way around the room, singing all the while.
> She gets to my table and makes me stand up. Says I was her first boyfriend and starts singing to me. I am petrified AND I have a big asss cold sore on my lip. She does not notice it and keeps singing. After singing to me she actually kisses me on the lips and THEN notices. The look in her eyes was priceless !!
> ...


Is it herpes type 1 or Type 2, both are contagious. Type 1 has oral ramifications type 2 is genital. Ramifications, I got type 1 from my W.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Deguello said:


> Is it herpes type 1 or Type 2, both are contagious. Type 1 has oral ramifications type 2 is genital. Ramifications, I got type 1 from my W.


I have no clue. All I know is that I get a sore on my lip every couple months. Nothing on the genitals.
Orajel single dose application works great and tones it down pretty fast. It really does not bother me. My kids think I have AIDS.

"Dad's got the herps, watch out!"


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Type 1 and 2 can both be present orally or genitally. Typically, type 1 is oral, whereas type 2 is genital. But either type can be transmitted to either location. Oral sex is a good way to get Type 2 in your mouth, or to get Type 1 in your genitals.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Are you saying you can get genital herpes in your mouth?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Livvie said:


> Are you saying you can get genital herpes in your mouth?


Yes.


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## lifestill (Feb 29, 2016)

If I love him enough, I will ask how to protect ourselves from Herpes, I still want to be with him, Herpes may be horrible to someone, but losing true love is more horrible than one disease.


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## Peaf (Feb 8, 2016)

100% deal breaker.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

Wow that's a deal breaker. Sucks.


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## Handlehard (Mar 3, 2016)

Taking some time to educate yourself and making an informed decision before you pursued the relationship.Only a small percentage of people accept the chance of contracting it. Most singles with herpes choose date other people in the same boat at herpes dating sites.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Type 1, oral: no

Type 2, genital: yes


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## WaterLili (Feb 6, 2016)

I guess I'm the small percentage but it wouldn't be a total deal breaker. My two bfs have herpes and a old coworker. They arw amazing people and it taught me that some people are worth the risk so to say. Herpes doesn't make define the person. It would take me longer to be intimate and they would have to be a potential husband/ wife for that risk.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

True story. I worked with a very handsome guy. He broke up with his long time girlfriend for a new girl. A year later she calls him up and says she would like to get together for old time's sake because no one could make her feel like he did sexually. What guy is going to say no?

He had sex with her and then she told him that she has herpes and it was payback time. When I left the company he was in the process of trying to sue his girlfriend but the laws about that kind of stuff were much different.

I think you should tell.


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## WaterLili (Feb 6, 2016)

Robin Williams was sued for knowingly gave a woman herpes and was sued. He ended up forking out 6.2 million! Yeah be upfront about it always.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Vinnydee said:


> True story. I worked with a very handsome guy. He broke up with his long time girlfriend for a new girl. A year later she calls him up and says she would like to get together for old time's sake because no one could make her feel like he did sexually. What guy is going to say no?
> 
> He had sex with her and then she told him that she has herpes and it was payback time. When I left the company he was in the process of trying to sue his girlfriend but the laws about that kind of stuff were much different.
> 
> I think you should tell.


oregon-woman-wins-1m-suit-against-dentist-who-gave-her-std/


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## adam2001 (Jul 20, 2016)

Some people have herpes. They are eager for love, but also afraid that their partners leave them after telling them the disease. I think there is no need to burden such pain. If they love you enough, they will not leave you for such reason. If they decide to leave, it means they does not love you so much as what you think of. If you really care it, you seek people with the same situation with you. There are many dating site for herpes to provide the service. Such as, 
Top Herpes Dating Sites Reviews 2016, 
www.positivesingles.com, 
(¯`·.¸100% Free Herpes Dating¸.·´¯) H-Date.com - genital herpes dating/HPV/STD singles personals with pictures

I think there is someone special for you.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Thor said:


> Type 1 and 2 can both be present orally or genitally. Typically, type 1 is oral, whereas type 2 is genital. But either type can be transmitted to either location. Oral sex is a good way to get Type 2 in your mouth, or to get Type 1 in your genitals.


Indeed. The North of England and Japan are unusual in having the most common type of oral herpes being the genital type. Conclude what you will.

I wonder what would happen if an OP were to post that, despite being a very decent person, their partner would not accept them because of the virus, despite a vaccine.


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## Mclane (Apr 28, 2016)

spambots are getting smarter.

I've seen one on here recently that auto responded to posts that quoted it's own posts and even sent me personal messages. 

This one is posting on a thread that is relevant to it's agenda.

Soon they'll rule the internet


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## woman (Aug 19, 2011)

I have type 1 in the pants that I contracted from my ex ~6 years ago. 

For the first year or two it was a huge source of shame but not so much now. 

I've been with my current partner for six years, and he's aware of it, and has asymptomatic type 1 as well, confirmed through a blood test. That said, it's still pretty embarrassing to talk about with him. Otherwise, it doesn't bother me that much.

I wouldn't particularly want type 2 but I think the stigma is much worse than the affliction itsself, and it wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker if the person was someone I'd be spending the rest of my life with.


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## SkyeBoat (Jul 24, 2016)

My sister married a guy who had HIV. They even had a child together, and she never got it. Of course, that's a completely different disease, but the point is that you aren't necessarily going to get herpes because your partner has it. If you really like this person, get some facts from a doctor. Find out what the actual risks are, how to prevent transmission and then decide if it's worth it.


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