# Sex for wife is like work



## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

We are both in our late 30's. My wife enjoys sex with me, but is very 'worker like' in bed. She's happy with 1-2 times per month. She's not in for much foreplay (unless it's a massage). It's get down to business and clean up afterwards. I can get her to have an O within a couple minutes doing oral and it doesn't take me that long to O as well.

She says this is completely fine with her. I feel like this is not common, but if it works for us, what's the big deal, right? I guess I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners) during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

If she's slept around with so many men, maybe in her mind, you are just No 13. Not really special. Maybe she is burned out by sex and does not equate it with love (no emotional investment).


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## Darwin17 (Sep 29, 2015)

are you ok with the frequency? Has it always been like this?


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

It has pretty much always been like this. From time to time, frequency per month will increase a couple more times, but she's good with 1-5 times per month. She is also premenopausal so that might need to be taken into account as well.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Nirvana, that might be true and she's afraid to tell me that.

Darwin, I used to want more, but have come to terms with it. She knows I would like more, but she has told me she is happy with 1-2 times per month. She doesn't need more.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

I don't really think a woman with many partners would be less "efficient". 

But I could believe the opposite - if her partners weren't satisfied, they would move on quickly and she would find new ones. Also, I get a lot of things done when I'm efficient. 

The two things might not have anything to do with each other at all. But if you want to increase frequency, I would caution against bringing up her past partners. Definite mood-killer.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Oblivious2678 said:


> a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners) during late high school and college time .


= not marriage material


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

Oblivious2678 said:


> *It has pretty much always been like this. *From time to time, frequency per month will increase a couple more times, but she's good with 1-5 times per month. She is also premenopausal so that might need to be taken into account as well.





> I guess *I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners)* during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".





> *If she's slept around with so many men,* maybe in her mind, *you are just No 13. *Not really special. Maybe she is burned out by sex and does not equate it with love (no emotional investment).


*sigh*

So, her frequency has always been this way. You still married her. It must have also been okay with you as well. Also, just because she has had 12 partners doesn't mean that she is a wiz in bed. 

Coming to a forum to sl*t shame your W and allowing others to do it might be why she doesn't want to have sex with you. Maybe she picked up on the fact that you don't particularly care for the number of men she's had so she feels not so comfortable opening up with you.

Again, you married her with the frequency she was giving out. If you don't like it, talk to her about it...come to a solution. If she doesn't live up to it (and I'm guessing she won't...your standards seem pretty set already), then leave. 


FYI - you said your W is premenopausal...so she has climbed up the age ladder, right? If she was single for a good little bit - 13 men for a 40-50 something woman ISN'T really that many. We're talking about 25-30+ years of possible sexually active years here (since you said high school and college).


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## Darwin17 (Sep 29, 2015)

Oblivious2678 said:


> Nirvana, that might be true and she's afraid to tell me that.
> 
> Darwin, I used to want more, but have come to terms with it. She knows I would like more, but she has told me she is happy with 1-2 times per month. She doesn't need more.


She needs to try to meet you half way as it is important to meet the other spouses needs. 

Have you had a sit down and talk about this stuff. Does she tell you she just doesn't care about your wants/needs?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Oblivious,

How many partners have you had? 

How does your experience with those partners impact your sex life with your wife? 

In the spirit of reciprocity - I'll - show you mine - since I'm asking to see yours.

Zero. That's the impact my sexual history has on my sexual relationship with M2. Sure - in the beginning - it was obvious to M2 that she wasn't my first or second or third partner. I was experienced. 

But other than getting us off to a good start, my prior history had no impact on the way I am with M2. 




Oblivious2678 said:


> We are both in our late 30's. My wife enjoys sex with me, but is very 'worker like' in bed. She's happy with 1-2 times per month. She's not in for much foreplay (unless it's a massage). It's get down to business and clean up afterwards. I can get her to have an O within a couple minutes doing oral and it doesn't take me that long to O as well.
> 
> She says this is completely fine with her. I feel like this is not common, but if it works for us, what's the big deal, right? I guess I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners) during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

We've talked about it and we're on the same page, but I was curious to see if this is common among women. No shame on my wife being put on here.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

MEM11363 said:


> Oblivious,
> 
> How many partners have you had?
> 
> ...


Thanks MEM. Pretty much have proved to me that the answer of who cares applies to my curiosity. Case closed.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

When my wife and I first got together, she was pretty methodical and straight forward. Didn't go for a whole lot of foreplay or taking time to explore what we were doing. Her past is precisely why she was that way. Every single one of her past partners had taught her that was how it was. She has a naturally high drive, but a lot of experience with many different partners didn't make her good at, rather just reinforced bad habits.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Oblivious 
I actually don't understand your post below. 




Oblivious2678 said:


> Thanks MEM. Pretty much have proved to me that the answer of who cares applies to my curiosity. Case closed.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Thanks Samy. I appreciate you sharing that. If you don't mind me asking, does she O quickly? That's another thing that's shocking to me about her. 

Posting this has really helped me realize that everything I am questioning doesn't matter. It's what my wife and I like is what matters.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

His original question was, is this happening because she's "slept around a lot".


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Oblivious2678 said:


> Thanks Samy. I appreciate you sharing that. If you don't mind me asking, does she O quickly? That's another thing that's shocking to me about her.
> 
> Posting this has really helped me realize that everything I am questioning doesn't matter.* It's what my wife and I like is what matters*.


She does O quickly and has from the very beginning.

The bolded part IS what matters.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Oblivious

I wish you luck. A lot of luck. Like winning the powerball kind of luck. 




Oblivious2678 said:


> Thanks Samy. I appreciate you sharing that. If you don't mind me asking, does she O quickly? That's another thing that's shocking to me about her.
> 
> Posting this has really helped me realize that everything I am questioning doesn't matter. It's what my wife and I like is what matters.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

MEM11363 said:


> Oblivious
> I actually don't understand your post below.


You proved that I'm questioning something that doesn't need to be questioned. We are both happy with our sex lives with each other. No need to overanalyze things.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

MEM11363 said:


> Oblivious
> 
> I wish you luck. A lot of luck. Like winning the powerball kind of luck.


I sense sarcasm.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Oblivious 

This type of process requires a high pain threshold and a lot of determination. 

Or a lot of luck. 

So yes - I'm guilty as charged - of being a bit sarcastic. Sorry. It isn't helpful. 

You could probably learn a lot of stuff here, it just won't be free. The cost won't be in dollars - but in discomfort. 

I'll give you a brief example - below: 

What does it mean - when your partner treats sex like an exercise in orgasm efficiency? 

1. They don't much care for foreplay (there are folks like that)
2. They don't much care for your style of foreplay
3. They don't really like sex, and just want to get it over with as fast as possible
4. They don't really like sex with you and just want to get it over with

Good marriages - have harmony and stability
Great marriages - have a frightening amount of transparency

In a good marriage people are polite and considerate

In a great marriage they tell each other the truth 




Oblivious2678 said:


> I sense sarcasm.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Look, if the OP and his wife are fine with their sex life, who are we to tell them otherwise?
Now if one or both of them were unhappy with their sex life, that would be a different matter.
But as it is, why is anyone here concerned about it?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Oblivious2678 said:


> We are both in our late 30's. My wife enjoys sex with me, but is very 'worker like' in bed. She's happy with 1-2 times per month. She's not in for much foreplay (unless it's a massage). It's get down to business and clean up afterwards. I can get her to have an O within a couple minutes doing oral and it doesn't take me that long to O as well.
> 
> She says this is completely fine with her. I feel like this is not common, but if it works for us, what's the big deal, right? I guess I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners) during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".


Whatever floats your boat.
As for myself, the term "sexually efficient" is not something I want describing MY sex life.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

MEM,

I've been around TAM for a couple of years so I know the tough exterior needed to handle the TAM advice and sometimes badgering that goes on. I am one who appreciates brutal honesty so it's welcomed.

What I have posted on here is stuff I've communicated with my wife over the years, but for some reason, I was curious to see what others have encountered or are currently going through. Call it corruption by my immature younger years of watching porn or the stupid Shades of Grey phenomenon, but my curiosity got the best of me and I figured why not bring it to the most bluntly honest relationship forum there is on the internetz!!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

staarz21 said:


> *sigh*
> 
> So, her frequency has always been this way. You still married her. It must have also been okay with you as well. Also, just because she has had 12 partners doesn't mean that she is a wiz in bed.
> 
> ...


Oblivious, did you appreciate staarz21's blunt response?


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Sure I appreciate staarz's blunt opinion. Doesn't mean I have to agree with it. 

As I'm sure you know, being a veteran of TAM, you can't post threads on a forum like this and expect everyone to give Full House or Brady Bunch G-rated thoughts. 0


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I just wondered if you see how sl*t shaming your wife is a problem.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

So you and Staarz believe I am sl*t shaming my wife because I said how many men she's slept with? Okay. I don't believe so, but thank you for your opinion.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
The key is whether you are both happy. If you are, then great. 

I don't know if there is any correlation with how many partners a woman has had with how "efficient" she wants to be. The one woman I was with who had had a lot of partners enjoyed long passionate sex. (but that is just one data point).

People have commented on slvt shaming. I hope you don't harbor any negative feelings about her because she had a lot of prior partners. 




Oblivious2678 said:


> We are both in our late 30's. My wife enjoys sex with me, but is very 'worker like' in bed. She's happy with 1-2 times per month. She's not in for much foreplay (unless it's a massage). It's get down to business and clean up afterwards. I can get her to have an O within a couple minutes doing oral and it doesn't take me that long to O as well.
> 
> She says this is completely fine with her. I feel like this is not common, but if it works for us, what's the big deal, right? I guess I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners) during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Oblivious2678 said:


> We are both in our late 30's. My wife enjoys sex with me, but is very 'worker like' in bed. She's happy with 1-2 times per month. She's not in for much foreplay (unless it's a massage). It's get down to business and clean up afterwards. I can get her to have an O within a couple minutes doing oral and it doesn't take me that long to O as well.
> 
> She says this is completely fine with her. I feel like this is not common, but if it works for us, what's the big deal, right? I guess I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners) during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".


So you married the village bicycle and now you don't understand why the tires are flat, the seat is torn and the handle is crooked? 12 is what she confessed too in the span of what 6 years? I'd double it and that's probably being conservative. Men divide by two, women multiply by two.

Maybe you're boring in bed compared to the many other men who have banged her? Or, maybe she's just not into you sexually and married you for other reasons which she's okay with? Got the plowing out of her system from studs and now just wants a comfy security blanket.

Are you happy with that frequency? I wouldn't be. You expected a professional and got a dead fish? Could be she just opened her legs for attention from these guys and never really enjoyed sex. Just a way for all these guys to stay interested. Fairly common.

Either way, I tend to agree with the others though. You sampled the goods and decided to marry her anyway. It's not like she pulled the switcheroo on you. She, according to you, was always "worker like" in the sack and now you're having buyers remorse? That's on you, not her. You got what paid for.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Oblivious2678 said:


> She says this is completely fine with her. I feel like this is not common, but if it works for us, what's the big deal, right? *I guess I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot* (12 partners) during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".


You describe your wife as a woman who "slept around a lot". Yes, that is sl*t shaming.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> *So you married the village bicycle and now you don't understand why the tires are flat, the seat is torn and the handle is crooked? 12 is what she confessed too in the span of what 6 years? I'd double it and that's probably being conservative. Men divide by two, women multiply by two.*
> 
> *Maybe you're boring in bed compared to the many other men who have banged her? *Or, maybe she's just not into you sexually and married you for other reasons which she's okay with? *Got the plowing out of her system from studs* and now just wants a comfy security blanket.
> 
> ...


 @MEM11363 here you go...your chance to do as you said and b*tch slap anyone who sl*t shames...


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> @MEM11363 here you go...your chance to do as you said and b*tch slap anyone who sl*t shames...


You took the words right out of my mouth.

Betrayed Dad's post should go in the sl*t shaming hall of fame. {sigh}


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Please, please, please remove this post from that thread. Betrayed dad has posted bitter, angry, misogynist posts like this in the past. It's really disgusting and incredibly insulting to both the OP's wife and to other women reading this forum. Insults like "So you married the village bicycle" don't belong in a marriage support forum.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Not really sure what you are so angry about....

There are plenty man slvts too in the world. I never said this was a "woman's" issue.

My advice would be exactly the same if OP was a women.

Wtf is "slvt shaming" anyway? 

It's okay to be a slvt? Expose yourself to numerous diseases and throw your morality down the toilet?

Is this something to celebrate instead man or woman? 

Give me a break.....


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
"village bicycle" - they didn't have bicycles in the middle ages, which I'm afraid is where it feels like the post comes from. Surely we are beyond worrying about whether there is something wrong with women who enjoy sex. I also suspect the OP didn't pay a "bride price". 

I wish my wife had enjoyed sex enough to have had many previous partners. We got together when I was too young to recognize the signs that she really didn't enjoy sex much. 

The OP's wife is someone who enjoys sex. That's fine - great in fact. A woman I dated long ago had many partners and was a very enthusiast lover. The only reason I didn't marry her was that we had different life goals: she wanted kids, a dog and white picket fence (which she eventually got). Nothing wrong with that, but it wasn't the life I wanted. We are still friends. 


In this case it isn't clear the OPs wife has lost interest - she may have always enjoyed quick sex. Again, nothing wrong with that in itself, but it may not be compatible with what the OP enjoys. If it isn't maybe they can work on some compromise - a mix of quickies and long sessions. 






BetrayedDad said:


> So you married the village bicycle and now you don't understand why the tires are flat, the seat is torn and the handle is crooked? 12 is what she confessed too in the span of what 6 years? I'd double it and that's probably being conservative. Men divide by two, women multiply by two.
> 
> Maybe you're boring in bed compared to the many other men who have banged her? Or, maybe she's just not into you sexually and married you for other reasons which she's okay with? Got the plowing out of her system from studs and now just wants a comfy security blanket.
> 
> ...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Even if it is removed, I have quoted it so my copy will still be there. IMO, it is important that this particular post STAYS HERE just as it is so that @MEM11363 can prove to us that he will make good on his word. If the post is removed, then the issue will blow over and not be dealt with and this insidious issue will keep happening forever at TAM. It needs to be addressed directly.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> Not really sure what you are so angry about....
> 
> There are plenty man slvts too in the world. I never said this was a "woman's" issue.
> 
> ...


Oh nice...some more of it for @MEM11363 to address.

And for the record, it doesn't make it ok to sl*t shame men, too.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Not the first time I've read opinions like that. Won't be the last. I shake my head at the anger and bitterness because some people have to attempt to bring down others because of how terrible their own life is. Some bathe in misery and that's all they know.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

There is so much that could be gained here and some fun to be had as well but it's just a mud slinging contest now. I don't see how it would be fair, relevant, or helpful to edit the replies here or on any thread to accept only one point of view. I'd consider this post to be a thread Jack if there was anything left of the original post.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Oblivious2678 said:


> I shake my head at the anger and bitterness because *some people have to attempt to bring down others because of how terrible their own life is*. Some bathe in misery and that's all they know.


Yes, Betrayed Dad's response is a good example of this.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Oh nice...some more of it for @MEM11363 to address.
> 
> And for the record, it doesn't make it ok to sl*t shame men, too.


Well I'm apparently a misogynist dog even though I'm an equal opportunity slvt shamer?

I'm so confused....

So sleeping around with tons of people is a "good thing" now?

No one seems to want to answer the question?


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

BetrayedDad said:


> Not really sure what you are so angry about....
> 
> There are plenty man slvts too in the world. I never said this was a "woman's" issue.
> 
> ...


There's a big difference in having different opinions and using insults to express those opinions. And YES, calling the OP's wife the "town bicycle" is incredibly insulting. She doesn't have to live up to your sexual morals, only the OP's.

But you know what, you are entitled to your opinion. As the old saying goes, "opinions are like [email protected]@holes, everyone's got one and they all stink".


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

When the hell did 12 become a big number anyway. 120 maybe, but 12? Geez. Then people wonder why women are ashamed of their sexuality.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Thank you for your post Richard. It's definitely easy to get off topic. 

Like you said, my wife may have always enjoyed the quick sex. I have always found it as being different and unique. I was curious to find out what others have experienced with their spouses. I threw in her "number" as well in case that had any factor in its uniqueness, but that was received in a negative way so I apologize if it came across as a sl*t shame.

What I deemed as being a healthy discussion turned into mud slinging contest like Mr. Nail as said. I'm great with continuing the conversation and getting more feedback from others if everyone is okay with ignoring the occasional slop of mud flying around.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Lila said:


> There's a big difference in having different opinions and using insults to express those opinions. And YES, calling the OP's wife the "town bicycle" is incredibly insulting. She doesn't have to live up to your sexual morals, only the OP's.
> 
> But you know what, you are entitled to your opinion. As the old saying goes, "opinions are like [email protected]@holes, everyone's got one and they all stink".


HE'S THE ONE WHO PAINTED HIS WIFE THAT WAY. "She slept around a lot" his words not mine.

Why are you beating me up because I'm trying to tell him he knew what he was getting himself into.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Oblivious2678 said:


> Thank you for your post Richard. It's definitely easy to get off topic.
> 
> Like you said, my wife may have always enjoyed the quick sex. I have always found it as being different and unique. I was curious to find out what others have experienced with their spouses. I threw in her "number" as well in case that had any factor in its uniqueness, but that was received in a negative way so I apologize if it came across as a sl*t shame.
> 
> What I deemed as being a healthy discussion turned into mud slinging contest like Mr. Nail as said. I'm great with continuing the conversation and getting more feedback from others if everyone is okay with ignoring the occasional slop of mud flying around.


Not only did you share her number, you also stated in your own words that she "slept around a lot". Dude, if you really don't see how sl*t shaming your own wife is a problem, then that might be part of what is going wrong in your sex life and you likely won't see the connection there either.

But no worries. Just go on thinking that your wife "sleeping around a lot" might be the REAL problem. Plenty of men will agree with you and jump in to call her the village bicycle. Apparently, you don't even see a need to defend her from being called that.

Again, if you can't see the problem here...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

intheory said:


> Well, I see a non-controversial type of wisdom in this section of Betrayed Dad's (zesty) post.


Yes the rest of the "wisdom" should be discounted then, I suppose? Just because it is controversial? The morality judgement and name calling?

I understand though. Those who think their own morality is the yardstick to measure other people with tend to do the most sl*t shaming so it probably makes sense to others who feel the same.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

How does this translate to OP? He made two rather benign observations, which are clearly relative to the number of parters he has been with.

Shaming him for not defending his wife from a stranger on the Internet is not as ridiculous as the "town bicycle" comment, but still ridiculous nonetheless.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> The morality judgement and name calling?


What are you even talking about?

"My wife slept with 12 people" for him is a FACTUAL statement. 

Now he's not allowed to speak the truth because it offends you?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

On another thread MEM told us that if he sees any sl*t shaming (and in particular, he seems to be of the mind that being obsessed with a wife's previous partner count is a problem) he told us that he would swiftly b*tch slap any blatant sl*t shaming he saw. Since I'm not sure he has read this thread, I'm pointing it out to him.

And sure, no man should shield his wife from being called the town bicycle, especially when in his own opinion she's "slept around a lot". That makes sense, since he probably thinks she is a town bicycle, too.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BetrayedDad said:


> What are you even talking about?
> 
> "My wife slept with 12 people" for him is a FACTUAL statement.
> 
> Now he's not allowed to speak the truth because it offends you?


The shaming and name calling was from YOUR post most of all.

But as you can see, there are plenty of people here who think it is just fine to sl*t shame anyone they feel is lower than they are, with worn out tires, broken handle, etc. So you're in good (?) company.

Hopefully the rulers that be at TAM will step in and correct this mess, however. Because it just isn't right.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Oblivious2678 said:


> We are both in our late 30's. My wife enjoys sex with me, but is very 'worker like' in bed. She's happy with 1-2 times per month. She's not in for much foreplay (unless it's a massage). It's get down to business and clean up afterwards. I can get her to have an O within a couple minutes doing oral and it doesn't take me that long to O as well.
> 
> She says this is completely fine with her. I feel like this is not common, but if it works for us, what's the big deal, right? *I guess I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners)* during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".





BetrayedDad said:


> What are you even talking about?
> 
> "My wife slept with 12 people" for him is a FACTUAL statement.
> 
> Now he's not allowed to speak the truth because it offends you?


There is a subtle difference in your misquote...

By adding "slept around a lot" to the partner count takes it from objective fact to subjective judgement.

Comparatively, 12 is not "a lot" of partners for many people, both men or women.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Wow. Glad to see TAM hasn't changed very much overall. 

Faithful, I never said I wasn't happy with my sex life. My wife's # is not a problem. I open a thread to discuss with others (in a healthy manner) to compare if they have had similar situations with their spouses and holy h*ll, mud everywhere. #Fail.

Farside, I find no need to waste time defending my wife from a stranger on the internet. Her well being is not in jeopardy on here.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> There is a subtle difference in your misquote...
> 
> By adding "slept around a lot" to the partner count takes it from objective fact to subjective judgement.
> 
> Comparatively, 12 is not "a lot" of partners for many people, both men or women.


Samy, you are absolutely correct. The "slept around a lot" was uncalled for judgment on my end. Thank you for pointing this out and thank you for providing the levelheaded posts that I was hoping for by posting this thread.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

What a society we live in.... 

No one will say being a slvt is a good thing but don't you DARE say it's bad!

Or we will label you!!!! Shamer!!!! Shamer!!!! Who cares about disease, unwanted pregnancy, cheating, etc.

Shamer!!!! You made a pun about a bicycle that correlates to OP opinion about his wife. You monster!!!!


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

intheory said:


> @faithfulwife
> 
> You are triggering and projecting all over the place.


You think?!? My god....


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

samyeagar said:


> There is a subtle difference in your misquote...
> 
> By adding "slept around a lot" to the partner count takes it from objective fact to subjective judgement.
> 
> Comparatively, 12 is not "a lot" of partners for many people, both men or women.


For some people like OP it is in such a short span of time (school years). 

He's not entitled to have an opinion about his wife's behavior ever? 

Isn't that at the heart of what's bothering him? 

The perception that she is "experienced" but rather "basic" in bed?


----------



## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> There is a subtle difference in your misquote...
> 
> By adding "slept around a lot" to the partner count takes it from objective fact to subjective judgement.
> 
> Comparatively, 12 is not "a lot" of partners for many people, both men or women.


According to the CDC, that is roughly 2x the median for men and 3x the median for women (from NSFG - Listing N - Key Statistics from the National Survey of Family Growth)

Median number of sexual partners in lifetime, persons aged 25-44 in 2011-2013:
Men: 6.6
Women: 4.3

Of course this assumes everyone is telling the truth. >


----------



## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

BetrayedDad said:


> What a society we live in....
> 
> No one will say being a slvt is a good thing but don't you DARE say it's bad!
> 
> ...


It's really not up to you or society to decide if someone else's number of sexual partners is a good thing or a bad thing or any of your damn business anyway. 

The only person who gets to decide what is a good number for them is that person. No one else.


----------



## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Oblivious2678 said:


> We are both in our late 30's. My wife enjoys sex with me, but is very 'worker like' in bed. She's happy with 1-2 times per month. She's not in for much foreplay (unless it's a massage). It's get down to business and clean up afterwards. I can get her to have an O within a couple minutes doing oral and it doesn't take me that long to O as well.
> 
> She says this is completely fine with her. I feel like this is not common, but if it works for us, what's the big deal, right? I guess I just find it hard to believe that a woman who slept around a lot (12 partners) during late high school and college time is so "sexually efficient".


In response to you OP, all relationships are unique and special in there own way. If you and she are happy with the way things are, then so be it. At the end of the day, it's you two who have to make a life together. 

Have you ever broached this topic with her?


----------



## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

OK, betrayed dad... I'll play.

There nothing wrong with sleeping around, and it can be a good thing. Having multiple partners and exploring sexuality lets people figure out what they want in a partner. It builds sexual confidence and helps people explore their preferences.

It is absolutely possible to have many partners without unwanted pregnancy, disease, or cheating. Safe, monogamous sex is in no way limited to marriage. And not everyone's moral code says sex is bad.

You don't like it? Fine, don't do it. But a woman is not a bicycle and does not get worn out with use. And a partner with experience knows what they like, and what they don't like. They may also be able to teach you some new tricks!


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Lila said:


> In response to you OP, all relationships are unique and special in there own way. If you and she are happy with the way things are, then so be it. At the end of the day, it's you two who have to make a life together.
> 
> Have you ever broached this topic with her?


Hi Lila,

We have talked about it a couple of times before. I see as the not so typical couple when it comes to sex, but then again, I don't know what typical is really. This is why I was intrigued to see what kind of responses I would get here because I know TAM doesn't hold back. LOL


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> On another thread MEM told us that if he sees any sl*t shaming (and in particular, he seems to be of the mind that being obsessed with a wife's previous partner count is a problem) he told us that he would swiftly b*tch slap any blatant sl*t shaming he saw. Since I'm not sure he has read this thread, I'm pointing it out to him.
> 
> And sure, no man should shield his wife from being called the town bicycle, especially when in his own opinion she's "slept around a lot". That makes sense, since he probably thinks she is a town bicycle, too.


Why don't you ask him instead of assuming?

FW, all you are doing when making assumptions about the OP is illustrating your own confirmation bias.

Now, the "town bycicle" comment? Over the top.


----------



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

intheory said:


> @faithfulwife
> 
> You are triggering and projecting all over the place.
> 
> ...


Yes peace, IT.

I will say that I'm not projecting anything though. Betrayed dad's post is not a projection of mine. It stands as a shining example of sl*t shaming with or without my input.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

farsidejunky said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > On another thread MEM told us that if he sees any sl*t shaming (and in particular, he seems to be of the mind that being obsessed with a wife's previous partner count is a problem) he told us that he would swiftly b*tch slap any blatant sl*t shaming he saw. Since I'm not sure he has read this thread, I'm pointing it out to him.
> ...


Fair enough regarding the OP.


----------



## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

SlowlyGoingCrazy said:


> It's really not up to you or society to decide if someone else's number of sexual partners is a good thing or a bad thing or any of your damn business anyway.
> 
> The only person who gets to decide what is a good number for them is that person. No one else.


I can hold whatever opinion I want and so can you or anyone else... 

Of course, it's none of my business. 

Of course, they can do whatever they want. 

My only ORIGINAL point was he was made fully aware of his wife's history and made familiar with is wife sexually prior to marriage. So for him to complain now even though it's an issue for him is unfair to his wife. 

Now if she lied and said she only slept with 2 people and not 12 would he have a legitimate complaint? Yes, he would. But how dare he judge right? Wrong. He does get to decide whether his wife "sleeping around a lot" matters to him. 

It's not "that person's number only" when he's deciding whether he wants to marry her. It may not matter to you but that doesn't make it a nonissue for others. Again, others are entitled to have whatever opinion they want.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

NoSizeQueen said:


> OK, betrayed dad... I'll play.
> 
> There nothing wrong with sleeping around, and it can be a good thing. Having multiple partners and exploring sexuality lets people figure out what they want in a partner. It builds sexual confidence and helps people explore their preferences.
> 
> ...


And that leads to the nuanced question of what exactly is experience? Is it solely based on partner count? I have had sex with three women in my life. My wife has had many more partners than I have, but I am a far more experienced partner in the sense that I have had more sex and done more sexually more than she has.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

The bicycle comment is shaming and grossly sexist. Would anyone compare a MAN who had many partners to a used and BROKEN DOWN bicycle??

It is silly anyway. So, only being with multiple partners makes a woman broken down and used? What is she only had sex a total of 100 times with those 12 partners versus a woman who had one partner but in the same time frame had sex 500 times? Only the person who had multiple partners is "used"?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Betrayed,
You are the proud beneficiary of a bi-modal post. 

As a MOD:
This is your one and only warning. The paragraph in bold violates the spirit of TAM. Subsequent posts of that ilk will result in an immediate suspension of your account. 

As a fellow poster:
Given your strong views and shall we say pronounced tone on the subject of 'female partner count', I'm assuming you married a 'good girl'. If not a virgin - pretty close. 

I took a different approach. Married an 'experienced' woman who I believed to be of good character. Perhaps you might use a different adjective. 

What say we compare notes on how those respective strategies worked out. 

M2 made good on her vows. Loved me. Forsook others. Acted pretty much as I hoped that day I got down on one knee. 

M2 has been a great life partner and lover. 

By way of direct comparison to your - good girl 

Has never fvcked anyone else during our marriage. Certainly never took anyone into our marital bed while I was away from the home. By the way, I do think you ought give B2 a free pass for letting her ummm - friend - use the shower in the master bath. That's just common courtesy.

See how easy it is for any of us to be harshly judgmental? 


*So you married the village bicycle and now you don't understand why the tires are flat, the seat is torn and the handle is crooked? 12 is what she confessed too in the span of what 6 years? I'd double it and that's probably being conservative. Men divide by two, women multiply by two*

Maybe you're boring in bed compared to the many other men who have banged her? Or, maybe she's just not into you sexually and married you for other reasons which she's okay with? Got the plowing out of her system from studs and now just wants a comfy security blanket.

Are you happy with that frequency? I wouldn't be. You expected a professional and got a dead fish? Could be she just opened her legs for attention from these guys and never really enjoyed sex. Just a way for all these guys to stay interested. Fairly common.

Either way, I tend to agree with the others though. You sampled the goods and decided to marry her anyway. It's not like she pulled the switcheroo on you. She, according to you, was always "worker like" in the sack and now you're having buyers remorse? That's on you, not her. You got what paid for.[/QUOTE]


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

BetrayedDad said:


> HE'S THE ONE WHO PAINTED HIS WIFE THAT WAY. "She slept around a lot" his words not mine.
> 
> Why are you beating me up because I'm trying to tell him he knew what he was getting himself into.



Because TAM


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

MEM11363 said:


> Betrayed,
> You are the proud beneficiary of a bi-modal post.
> 
> As a MOD:
> ...


You're SO wrong about one thing.

I don't have a master bathroom in my house. It was just a normal one.

I did not intend to derail the thread. Good luck OP.


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## perol (Oct 6, 2015)

MEM11363 said:


> Betrayed,
> You are the proud beneficiary of a bi-modal post.


 WTF is a bimodal post? I looked up bimodal and it doesn't apply to the context in which it was used on this thread.



MEM11363 said:


> As a MOD:
> This is your one and only warning. The paragraph in bold violates the spirit of TAM. Subsequent posts of that ilk will result in an immediate suspension of your account.


Do moderators often publicly discipline members like on this thread?

I've never seen that before.



Faithful Wife said:


> You describe your wife as a woman who "slept around a lot". Yes, that is sl*t shaming.


I don't think the Op is sl!t slaming his wife -actually never even heard the term before- and he doesn't have to defend her just because some anonymous people have an issue with him thinking she's slept around a lot.

My girlfriend slept around a lot. So did I. All that means to me is we've both got a lot of experience to bring to the table I mean the bedroom and it makes sex all that much better.

Who gives a rat's ass if it's 10 previous partners or 12 or 15 or 20?

If we're talking dozens upon dozens or there's been payment for services rendered well that's another story entirely.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

john117 said:


> Because (paragraph in bold violates the spirit of) TAM


FYP.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Sad that it turned into mud-slinging.
What I've gradually learned is that there is a LOT of variation in how people enjoy sex. Averages, or "typical" aren't helpful. Some women are multi-orgasmic. Others (like my wife) are absolutely one-and-done.

Some men and women like romantic sex, or wild crazy sex, or BDSM, or degrading or whatever. 

For some people sex is a "fun thing to do". They are happy to enjoy sex with a wide variety of partners. For others its tied to deep love and bonding, and the idea of other partners is unappealing. 


Some enjoy sex, some use it as"currency" to get something they want .


To me all this means that its critically important that a couple discover if they are sexually compatible before they get involved in a permanent relationship. 

The basic rule though is that if you are both enjoying your sex life, then it is fine - don't worry about what it should be like.



Oblivious2678 said:


> Thank you for your post Richard. It's definitely easy to get off topic.
> 
> Like you said, my wife may have always enjoyed the quick sex. I have always found it as being different and unique. I was curious to find out what others have experienced with their spouses. I threw in her "number" as well in case that had any factor in its uniqueness, but that was received in a negative way so I apologize if it came across as a sl*t shame.
> 
> What I deemed as being a healthy discussion turned into mud slinging contest like Mr. Nail as said. I'm great with continuing the conversation and getting more feedback from others if everyone is okay with ignoring the occasional slop of mud flying around.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Having sex with lots of partners entails risk - but so do a lot of other activities: skydiving, white-water kayaking, mountain biking, and a variety of dangerous jobs. 

As long as everyone involved understands the risks and is honest to themselves and their partners, then I have no objection at all to people sleeping around. 

I also have no objection to someone who does not want to take those risks. 




BetrayedDad said:


> Well I'm apparently a misogynist dog even though I'm an equal opportunity slvt shamer?
> 
> I'm so confused....
> 
> ...


----------



## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

Not convinced OP was shaming, though others clearly were: semantics of "slept around" are often pejorative but not exclusively so. 

OTOH I'm not convinced OP is fine with infrequent "efficient sex" either, even though his wife apparently is. Sounds more like he is suspicious and wonders if there isn't some hidden "next level" to her sexual response and enjoyment that he hasn't been able to access. If that's the case then it matters a lot, because it matters to him. He doesn't necessarily deserve a change in her behavior, but it would be a good thing to understand. 

I like extended sessions with a lot of playfulness and variety and mixing things up, with a partner who's into me, so I'd have the same misgivings in his situation, regardless of how many other men she'd been with.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I don't know how the OP mean the "sleeping around". While its not a term I use, it may not necessarily be negative. It could be short hand for "had a lot of partners", without an intended negative connotation.

I do not consider saying a woman had an active and varied sex life to be in itself negative. 




Faithful Wife said:


> Not only did you share her number, you also stated in your own words that she "slept around a lot". Dude, if you really don't see how sl*t shaming your own wife is a problem, then that might be part of what is going wrong in your sex life and you likely won't see the connection there either.
> 
> But no worries. Just go on thinking that your wife "sleeping around a lot" might be the REAL problem. Plenty of men will agree with you and jump in to call her the village bicycle. Apparently, you don't even see a need to defend her from being called that.
> 
> Again, if you can't see the problem here...


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## Phil Anders (Jun 24, 2015)

perol said:


> WTF is a bimodal post? I looked up bimodal and it doesn't apply to the context in which it was used on this thread..


:scratchhead:A mode is a manifestation or functionality. MEM is a moderator and an individual with a personal perspective on the thread topic, and he posted in both senses; hence, bi-modal post. "Bimodal" also has a specific (and somewhat analogous) meaning in the field of statistics, but that isn't the context of the thread...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Bi-modal

As in having 2 modes. In one I was speaking as a mod. In the second mode - I was speaking as a fellow poster. 

The way discipline is normally meted out is this. Someone gets out of line. They get a PM warning. They ignore it with a post that violates guidelines. 
1. Post gets deleted
2. Person gets a suspension of some length up to and including permanent. 

No one else has a clue as to WHY their 'friend' got banned. 

I'm kind of pro transparency. 

The thing is - the 'paragraph in question' wasn't just transparent. In my opinion it was nasty and judgemental.






perol said:


> WTF is a bimodal post? I looked up bimodal and it doesn't apply to the context in which it was used on this thread.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Phil Anders said:


> Not convinced OP was shaming, though others clearly were: semantics of "slept around" are often pejorative but not exclusively so.
> 
> OTOH I'm not convinced OP is fine with infrequent "efficient sex" either, even though his wife apparently is. Sounds more like he is suspicious and wonders if there isn't some hidden "next level" to her sexual response and enjoyment that he hasn't been able to access. If that's the case then it matters a lot, because it matters to him. He doesn't necessarily deserve a change in her behavior, but it would be a good thing to understand.
> 
> I like extended sessions with a lot of playfulness and variety and mixing things up, with a partner who's into me, so I'd have the same misgivings in his situation, regardless of how many other men she'd been with.


Well done Phil Anders! Before, I was suspicious. I deal with PE. There have been no complaints for 13 years, but I've always wondered if she needed more. She has always said no, but we know how sometimes people say the nice thing so the other doesn't feel bad. Now I believe her so maybe it's just my own insecurity in that department.

Overall, we are in a happy place with "efficient" sex. Like I previously stated, my curiosity got the best of me to see if there is anyone else out there that has "efficient" sex. Always brings a smirk to my face when I say that. Lol


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

FWIW, I'm married to an efficient sex woman too. Orgasms easily, doesn't care for nor enjoy foreplay, prefers it quick and out not because it's not enjoyable, just because the "rest of it" is just so much bother for no perceived gain.

It works for her, and I've learned to let it work for the both of us. I'm sure you'll be fine.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Phil,
I like your answer better than mine. 




Phil Anders said:


> :scratchhead:A mode is a manifestation or functionality. MEM is a moderator and an individual with a personal perspective on the thread topic, and he posted in both senses; hence, bi-modal post. "Bimodal" also has a specific (and somewhat analogous) meaning in the field of statistics, but that isn't the context of the thread...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I can't like this enough. 

So a couple points worth consideration.

1. She likes massages - that's good. Crank up the non sexual affection. There are lots and lot of ways to touch someone that feel good to them. A lot of folks don't 'get' how powerful this can be. Once you reach a certain level - your touch will produce endorphines for your partner. 

2. What is foreplay if not touch. Touch and kissing. Oblivious can probably make this a better experience for her if he does it gradually. And that will naturally make it a slower experience. 





Phil Anders said:


> Not convinced OP was shaming, though others clearly were: semantics of "slept around" are often pejorative but not exclusively so.
> 
> OTOH I'm not convinced OP is fine with infrequent "efficient sex" either, even though his wife apparently is. Sounds more like he is suspicious and wonders if there isn't some hidden "next level" to her sexual response and enjoyment that he hasn't been able to access. If that's the case then it matters a lot, because it matters to him. He doesn't necessarily deserve a change in her behavior, but it would be a good thing to understand.
> 
> I like extended sessions with a lot of playfulness and variety and mixing things up, with a partner who's into me, so I'd have the same misgivings in his situation, regardless of how many other men she'd been with.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

OP


are you the same poster, going by a similar screen name? There was an "oblivious" posting in the private section. if you are the same person......then its no wonder your sex life is dull.

if i remember correctly....this poster's wife walked all over him, blamed him for everything.......i hope you aren't the same person.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

OP........

good luck.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/private-members-section/115930-am-i-falsely-optimistic.html


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

It is me x598. Glad to see you remembered me and that you haven't changed at all, continuing to find ways to be toxic instead of "works well with others." Looks great on a resume.

Update: my marriage is in a great place right now as well as myself. I have made major improvements for myself and my marriage and life is very good.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Interesting thread. As a woman, and I only speak for myself of course, I don't mind a certain amount of judgement provided you apply the same standards to yourself. The problem is that a lot of men don't.....so their woman must be pure and they can have screwed as many as possible. But as soon as she gets with him she must turn into a porn star.

I myself do not care for men that have a ton of partners, and this has to do with the value I place on sex. I'm not going to call you names if you don't agree.....name calling is nasty and uncalled for, but I do not care to feel like one in a long line. I think a lot of partners is a little sleazy, but that's just me and I feel this way about both men and women. And I hold myself to the same standards, so whatever I'd personally consider sleeping around for someone else I'd apply to myself as well.

And if you think my number is too high that's your perogative but I'd hope that you don't have as many or more than me and it's just no good because I'm a woman.

In this case the phrase "slept around" is highly subjective; to a religious person who values chastity that could mean 3 partners. To someone else 12 might not be that many. OP doesn't have an issue with the number of partners his wife had so that's a good thing.

I do not think that the number of partners, though, is necessarily an indication of sexual preferences. There are many reasons one might have multiple partners, from one who simply likes sex to one who was abused. Maybe OP's wife just likes mechanical sex.....unless he has reason to think that she was into foreplay until she met him and now it grosses her out there isn't necessarily an issue.

If you're unhappy with the frequency perhaps you can work out a compromise.....one where you both get a little less than you wanted.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Cletus said:


> FWIW, I'm married to an efficient sex woman too. Orgasms easily, doesn't care for nor enjoy foreplay, prefers it quick and out not because it's not enjoyable, just because the "rest of it" is just so much bother for no perceived gain.
> 
> It works for her, and I've learned to let it work for the both of us. I'm sure you'll be fine.


Cletus,

Thank you for your post. Great to hear that it works for you as well. We are very much alike in that I've also learned to let it work for the both of us. I am much more comfortable with it now than I used to be. I just found it odd at first because I thought all women want the 50 Shades of Grey sex life or the guy that can last for an hour and anything else out of the ordinary. Thanks again for sharing.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

MEM11363 said:


> I can't like this enough.
> 
> So a couple points worth consideration.
> 
> ...


My massages are given quite often. She enjoys them and they definitely are great foreplay. However, this is normally the only foreplay. Other times it's get right down to business.

I appreciate your points. You are correct. Touch can be a very powerful thing.


----------



## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

The absence of touch can be an even more powerful thing.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

Oh Hold my friend!


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

Oblivious2678 said:


> It is me x598. Glad to see you remembered me and that you haven't changed at all, continuing to find ways to be toxic instead of "works well with others." Looks great on a resume.
> 
> Update: my marriage is in a great place right now as well as myself. I have made major improvements for myself and my marriage and life is very good.


yes i remember your thread.

sorry you think my posts or contributions are "toxic". i don't post here becasue i am concerned with how it looks on a resume.

I just call it like i see it. It has been said here before, and i subscribe to the belief, sex is like a relationship barometer.

Glad you feel you and your relationship is in a great place. I am asking, based on your omission that "sex is like work" to your wife... can you honestly say she feels the same way?

Let's say you are right....your relationship is in a great place, and your wife just doesnt enjoy sex is is LD. A relationship that is "great"..... a LD spouse would be open to meeting the needs of the other.


----------



## perol (Oct 6, 2015)

Oblivious2678 said:


> It is me x598. Glad to see you remembered me


I don't think you're allowed to have 2 screen names on here.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

x598 said:


> yes i remember your thread.
> 
> sorry you think my posts or contributions are "toxic". i don't post here becasue i am concerned with how it looks on a resume.
> 
> ...


x598,

I finally decided to take the time and read some of your threads. I am sorry for what you have gone through over the past 3 years. I hope things are better and you are in a happier stage in your life.

The "sex is like work" phrase was worded wrong. If you read Cletus' post, he hits the nail on the head. This is EXACTLY how my wife and I are. It's basically reaching a mutual agreement that works for both of us. It's nice to read people's posts who can relate to relationship experiences as each one of our relationships are unique.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

well IMO...that post is sad.



> FWIW, I'm married to an efficient sex woman too. Orgasms easily, doesn't care for nor enjoy foreplay, prefers it quick and out not because it's not enjoyable, just because the "rest of it" is just so much bother for no perceived gain.
> 
> It works for her, and I've learned to let it work for the both of us. I'm sure you'll be fine.


essentially that is taking a great pleasure away from the spouse. how selfish. you said your wife enjoys your back rubs. would she mind if you gave her a "quickie" rub because that's all you were up for? how is it ANY different? I don't believe the "sex is like work" label you put on it is inaccurate at all. funny how that is what came to mind when you posted, but now its different. 



> I finally decided to take the time and read some of your threads. I am sorry for what you have gone through over the past 3 years. I hope things are better and you are in a happier stage in your life.
> 
> The "sex is like work" phrase was worded wrong. If you read Cletus' post, he hits the nail on the head. This is EXACTLY how my wife and I are. It's basically reaching a mutual agreement that works for both of us. It's nice to read people's posts who can relate to relationship experiences as each one of our relationships are unique.



Thanks for taking the time to read what i had posted.

I am happy now, have a great woman at my side. I was really stupid and naive about what i was dealing with, handled it all wrong and wish i had found this place MANY years ago. 

I only occasionally post here now, not because my life is in turmoil, but i check in from time to time to continually learn and improve. Having a much clearer mind and different perspective, I can see things i simply didn't understand or relate to in the past. It is my sincerest wish to learn from my mistakes and this place helps me by reading of mistakes other people make and trying to apply what i learn from other peoples situations. 

I am glad you say your relationship is in a better place now. I hope you are happy.


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## Oblivious2678 (Sep 3, 2013)

x598, 

That is great to read! I am very happy for you. It's amazing to look back at what we've been through and realize what we have overcome. We are in the same boat that we are both continuing to learn and improve ourselves. I don't come back to TAM often. I spend most of my time on another site improving myself and offering support and advice to others.

I remember reading Amplexor's success story thread a long time ago hoping that some day I would be able to post my own success story thread. I haven't yet, but some day I will. It's nice to say that I am happier than I once was, due in major part to the major work I did on myself. Am I done? Heck no. I still have some work to do. Always will, but it's great to know how much I have accomplished. It's interesting to go back and read some of my pathetic posts just to realize how far I really have come. My wife is married to a man again. Not the pushover doormat I once was.

The title to this thread is inaccurate. It was a bad analogy. I find it intriguing that all of us can be so different. Some women are fine with having sex once in a great while. Some want it twice a day. Same with men. It's crazy. There's sex like porn stars and there's "efficient" sex. Like some of the posters in this thread have said, as long as you are happy with the situation, then it's the "right" way. If I wasn't happy with the sex, I would say something to my wife. In fact, I have and that's how things got better.

Anyways, glad you found me again. Your sometimes harsh criticism always keeps things balanced.


----------



## Christina777 (Nov 13, 2014)

I bet she is tired from doing everything just help her out more and I bet she will enjoy it more. Helping meaning who does the cleaning, wash, trash, taking care of the kids etc.


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## desiresmore (Oct 15, 2013)

This is a sad thread, not just because of the inherent sadness of the situation, but also because many of us readers can relate to the situation.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

Cletus said:


> FWIW, I'm married to an efficient sex woman too. Orgasms easily, doesn't care for nor enjoy foreplay, prefers it quick and out not because it's not enjoyable, just because the "rest of it" is just so much bother for no perceived gain.
> 
> It works for her, and I've learned to let it work for the both of us. I'm sure you'll be fine.


My wife is the same way, while I like LOTS of foreplay, she does not. I always thought woman were supposed to like lots of foreplay. I love kissing her breasts, touching her etc.

She is also efficient when it comes to sex. She is happy with 3 or 4 times a month and doesn't need or want a lot of foreplay. She orgasms easily, usually 2 or 3 minutes, we rest a minute or so and she can have a second one in a minute or so. Then I finish off. She doesn't want to spend a lot of time at it.


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## desiresmore (Oct 15, 2013)

Reading these comments is so interesting! I thought my wife was somewhat odd sexually in her preferences, but now I see she is in good company. My wife is also fairly easily orgasmic, 2 or 3 minutes works via oral or hands, on the rare occasion when she's really turned on she can O just from penetration almost instantly, which is amazing! BUT - she rarely wants an O, usually once or twice a month is more than enough for her and she has no desire beyond that. Shes one of those women who can easily orgasm but doesn't want to, or won't allow herself to want that. Its like she has a thing against pleasure and is afraid to fully embrace her sexuality and sexual potential. She generally won't use toys either, but when I do get her to use a vibe she can have multiples which I LOVE! I have a hard time wrapping my head around why someone with such amazing sexual potential would be content with the bare minimum and be so apathetic towards her potential.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

desiresmore said:


> This is a sad thread, not just because of the inherent sadness of the situation, but also because many of us readers can relate to the situation.


Absolutely correct - my wife says that sex is too much work, and that she'd rather sleep than have sex.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

Personal said:


> 12-13 sexual partners is not a lot of partners, one's partner can be extraordinarily special regardless of whether they are the 1st, 43rd or 116th etc.
> 
> In my experience one does not burn out having sex, even of one has had many partners.


You are a man, it may be different for a woman who I think equate sex with love more than men do. 

It is not possible to love 13 people the same way. Love and lust are often confused in the modern world.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Absolutely correct - my wife says that sex is too much work, and that she'd rather sleep than have sex.


ha! Same here. She is in good spirits at 8:30pm when talking to the kids and then when she enters the bedroom, her mood gets cloudy all of a sudden and she cannot keep her eyes open. It's just a way to tell me to back off and not get ideas. 

I am of the opinion that after kids, a woman has no need for a man (except the paycheck). I know I'm being very very cynical and even unfair, but that's been my sad experience. I think my wife just wants to be a mom. She would not miss me if I died, but then would notice the worsening lifestyle.

There are times when I just want to leave and be by myself than deal with this every day. Maybe many are like me, and in Indian circles, this is not spoken or discussed. I sometimes fantasize about finding someone who really loves me, but I know it will never happen. I'll die this way.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

What was this thread ultimately about? Was it just to ask "is my wife normal, sexually"? If so, then I guess there is a lot of unnecessary detours made in the thread. I saw he had another 111 page thread in private where he explains his marriage was bad due to a him not enforcing boundaries and thus making his wife play the "bad cop", and possibly his wife cheating on him and getting pregnant with another man's child??? I read the first and last page of that big thread and I saw the lack of boundaries and that this daughter is not his child, but his sister does not know?


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## princevinco (Jul 7, 2014)

You did not let us know whether you are living and sleeping together on a bed as husband and wife?.The point is that you should find out if she still sleeps around. If she is not then I suggest you adjust and should never allow the issue of sex to break your relationship. 

If you are living and sleeping together, I don't think she will limit the frequency to 2 or 3 times. Also, if you are living together, why not start to bath with her and do other romantic things together. Once you are doing romantic things together, you will see that most a time you will get her sexually aroused. Once she is sexually aroused, she will relax and want sex from you thereby increasing the frequency of sex.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Surely it's time for her end-of-year performance review. Based on results so far, I've decided to let you go. Customer service positions such as this require a more proactive approach and enthusiasm for meeting the client's needs, and I haven't seen that level of commitment.


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## NoSizeQueen (Sep 9, 2015)

That's okay, I was planning on quitting anyway. This job is very demanding, I'm on call 24/7, and the pay and benefits are crap!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

NoSizeQueen said:


> That's okay, I was planning on quitting anyway. This job is very demanding, I'm on call 24/7, and the pay and benefits are crap!



That's the best possible reply he could get. A blessing.


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