# Reality sets in



## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Wow, what a week, been a total nightmare, bankruptcy lawyer consultation, which ended up in a discussion with the wife when I got home, and she just ended up getting crazy, I left, she called police, very messy.
I have to have a escort to get stuff out of my own house. she is dilusional I feel bad for her, I went and retained a divorce lawyer today, I felt pretty good that I was getting the process started, but once I signed the agreement to retaiin him, it was pretty upsetting.
It is the right tning to do, and after false claims the other night to hurt me I know I can never trust her again.

She thinks she is going to hit gold or something, but she lost everything I had. She has the house right now but we owe way more than it's worth, she also doesn't believe that I don't have to pay for her to live there right now or for anything. 

She does not know yet that I went today and retained a lawyer.

She has been lying to me about so many things this week and all these lawyers that she was getting consultations from and telling me how screwed I am. 

So I am relieved about going today to find out the truth but the reality that my marriage is over is kind of depressing. 
I need to get past that and realize I did everything I could, and that now instead of having a caretaker, she will have to take care of herself and will become a better person.
I will have to pay support or alimony at somepoint, but as weird as it sounds that might actually benefit me in other areas of the rebuilding process. 

I can only assume it's going to get even uglier before it gets better.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yeah, with all the crazy it's probably going to get worse before it gets better. How you holding up today?


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## 2005tahoe (Aug 23, 2013)

Corso said:


> Wow, what a week, been a total nightmare, bankruptcy lawyer consultation, which ended up in a discussion with the wife when I got home, and she just ended up getting crazy, I left, she called police, very messy.
> I have to have a escort to get stuff out of my own house. she is dilusional I feel bad for her, I went and retained a divorce lawyer today, I felt pretty good that I was getting the process started, but once I signed the agreement to retaiin him, it was pretty upsetting.
> It is the right tning to do, and after false claims the other night to hurt me I know I can never trust her again.
> 
> ...


Sounds like my story, but she deserted me once we found out our chapter 7 BK case was goin gto be converted to a chapter 13. The real suprise was that out BK13 payments were going to only be $100 a month for 60 months to clear up ALOT of debt.

see my story "the unmighty dollar "


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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Been a rough few days and some low blows taken, I found out Monday when I went to sign divorce papers that she filed for a pfa.
I haven't been served yet, probably today but I was able to obtain the report she filed. It is disgusting, all lies and it doesn't really even coincide with the police report.

My lawyer said I'd have a great chance of winning, but what do I want to win and pay money for? the right to see her? 
I can plead no contest and disagree with the charges, it's not a criminal case, and then I just can't be no where near her or contact her for how ever long, or I can take the chance and fight it and win, but there is always a chance I could lose.

If I did lose it would then show on my record that I was judged to be an abuser, makes me sick to even say that it's so ridiculous.

The most disgusting part to me is that 2 years ago we were having problems, she told me she went out to lunch a few times with another guy from her school, well that turned into talking and texting everyday for months, sneaking out to go shopping with him and his kids.

We separated for a bit, we had long discussions about fixing our marriage, and agreed to give it another whirl, we spoke in depth about this guy. 

He manipulated her, he was an alcoholic, he was a loser, and the only reason she kept talking to him behind my back is because he was crazy and she was afraid if she stopped he would do her or me harm, or to our house. 

Over the past two years if his name was mentioned, she would get angry and say nasty things about him, when the time of year it all happened came around she would cry for what she did, getting pitty from me who forgave her, and she would just state how much of an A-hole he is and that he almost ruined our marriage, and she wishes he was dead.

Well this past Saturday we talked and I told her about filing for divorce, we discussed not really talking to each other and she suggested we block all our mutual friends and stuff on FB.

Well on Monday someone said isn't ###### the guy your wife was seeing behind your back 2 years ago.

Come to find out that about 1 hour after our conversation on Saturday and her blocking all my friends, she was re-friended with this guy. 

So either she never felt that way about this guy and all the bad things she said about him and was lying to me for two years about how it went down and ended.

Or she contacted him and apologized sometime prior to Saturday.
I just don't see her:

a.) becoming friends with him in minutes after how horrible she said he was over the last two years.

b.) I don't see him just accepting her as a friend after her running him through the mud just like me. 
And I guess c.) she could have never stopped talking to him.

Makes me sick!!!!!

I could care less about the pfa, I know what happened and I know the truth, after finding this out, I really never want to see her again, so why pay to see her when i'm going to have to pay for support anyways.

This is actually the worst part of this whole mess, knowing that I have been lied to about this whole situation for the past two years, if he was as bad as she always said, and afraid for her life as she claimed, would she really become his friend in an hour again? 

Now I have to go to court next Wednesday for pfa, I wish I could pull her card on this and let her parents know. But I can't this does need to be exposed though to show her true character.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Oof, I'm so sorry. I have no words of advice or wisdom, but I can offer you big *hugs*

Unless it's going to drive you into the poor house, I would probably fight it just on the principle. But I'm very stubborn. Even so, who knows what else she'll try to get away with? It might be better to stand up to her now/early.


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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Thank You for the hug, i could use all I can get.

I can't take the chance of fighting it or I would, My lawyer said as good as my case is nothing is gauranteede and if I did lose I would have a record for abuse.

I just got off the phone with my lawyer and found out she did file for support the same day as pfa, it will basically be one of my paychecks each month . But there is a bright side to that amount for me, just going to suck to give her that money.

I also got yelled at by my lawyer for thinking to nicely after everything she has done so far, It is hard as I am not a bad or evil person, I really need to realize she is on the attack and I have to defend my territory. What a mess.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Corso said:


> I also got yelled at by my lawyer for thinking to nicely after everything she has done so far, It is hard as I am not a bad or evil person, I really need to realize she is on the attack and I have to defend my territory. What a mess.


I've read it over and over on the boards here: "What happened to the man/woman I married?" when their spouses goes into attack mode during this process. Divorce really can bring out the worse in people, and turn your STBX into someone completely unrecognizable. As sad as it is, you have to be prepared for that.

My STBXH is completely unrecognizable to me now, and he isn't even being nasty/unfair with this whole process. We're being very fair in dividing up the assets, and he's been generous regarding things which I want (things I thought he would fight me on). But personality-wise? He's changed, and not in a good way. I used to think he was a decent guy, but the more I think about his recent behavior... he's turning into a real creep. When we were together, he would talk, and I would hear his father's voice come out (his father is a racist, misogynistic, homophobe a-hole), and it's only grown worse since then. And his sense of humor has grown incredibly crass, disgusting, and offensive. And he will blatantly ogle women in front of me, and sometimes make comments about what he would like to do to them.

Right now, when I'm being very rational about the whole thing, and I think, WTF did I ever see in this person, and why do I think I want him back? This man is an absolute pig. He has no sense of common decency or respect, not any more. But he wasn't like this when I met him; I don't know how much of what he presented to me then was fake, and how much of this behavior is him changing for the worse. (He also might be acting like a pig on purpose to push me away -- I wouldn't put that past him.) 

The point is... people change. Not always for the better.


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## Corso (Jul 16, 2013)

Yeah it is crazy, I don't understand it, I guess people do change overtime and unfortunately ours seem to be for the worst. Sorry you have to deal with that.

I don't even know how I'm going to get through the court process and getting stuff out of the house, I don't even want to have to see her.

I'm just having a real tough time right now wondering how she can lie and say the things she did on this report that never even happened it's ridiculous, and then lie about this guy for two years and want pity and basically make me feel bad for her that she did what she did. 

And now basically finding out and realizing the last two years of our marriage was just a big lie.
I'm in a very dark place right now and don't even know how to deal with that.


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## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

Have you ever seen a wounded animal that is scared. A pet in that situation will attack its beloved master.

Welcome to the human version. Freeloaders looking for a free ride and scared that they cannot make it on their own.

Losers with a capital L and the system enables their BS.

Good luck folks,
Stretch


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