# Hi I'm New Here



## Waterlillies (Dec 14, 2012)

Hi Everyone, I've been struggling for a couple of months and finally thought maybe there are people on a forum somewhere who would understand what I'm going through and I think I've found it. I ended my marriage a couple of months ago. There were significant problems that had to do with sex, financial, mood disorders, and just not being in love. I was totally unhappy. I thought my ex husband would have understood, boy was I wrong. He is still so angry. He emails me daily with a rant about how he's going to make me pay for doing this to him. He leaves scary voicemails. I've talked to counselors, police and really it's not enough to be harassment. He's just an angry heartbroken man. The thing that I'm struggling with is the sick feeling I get every time I read an email or hear a voicemail. I never respond. I know it's empty threats. But he scares me so much and I just feel like puking. Has anyone had this? 
Anyway, I look forward to getting to know you and we can get through this rough time together.
Waterlillies.


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Hi Water. As I say to all our new friends; I hate to hear your story and I'm sad you've joined our little club. That said, you'll find friendly people who are all here to help each other on this forum. This is a safe place and I recommend you be completely honest with yourself on this forum. 

One thing I always recommend: take the time to read a few stories here. The longer ones are fascinating and usually inspiring in how they show the evolution of depressed "broken" or "lost" people, to people well on their way to being healthy happy people again. Also, find a few threads, and comment and follow them. Helping others has been a huge in helping myself. Sometimes it is so easy to give someone else good advice that you can't give yourself. 

As to your story, again I'm sorry to hear it. This is one of the cases that bothers me the most, I truly hope your husband is just venting and is not a threat. That said, I dont see why you can't get a restraining order in your situation. If he is doing the things you say, you need to have a restraining order. I would also recommend changing your phone number. You don't need that stress.

If he is truly no threat, then just remember how hard it is to be the left behind spouse and keep up the no contact. 

We are here for you and things will get better. It seems to happen so slowly, but time does fly and when you look back you'll be proud of how far you've come a few months from now.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I agree. Make sure you protect yourself. What kind of things is he saying? For sure change your phone number, unless you think it will enrage him. If so, get an answering machine. If his messages are threatening or in any way scary, take them to the police. 

Good luck.


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## Waterlillies (Dec 14, 2012)

Thanks Lost and Frost - the complication is that we have a young daughter, so we have to communicate about her. My gut tells me he's just a very angry man. The anger is totally directed at me. The thing is, he did a lot of things wrong in our marriage. The thing that made me realize I couldn't stay any more was when I found out he had a bunch of online girlfriends and was spending his days instant messaging them, instead of looking for work, while I was busting my ass supporting us. He doesn't take any responsibility for his actions. He put me down all the time. He didn't seem to care at all when I had a miscarriage, and in fact he was mad at me when we found out I was pregnant and he said I had tricked him into it. So why is he so heartbroken? I don't get it. He obviously did not love me. Anyway, like everyone, there are layers and layers of things that have to be peeled away I guess. I just hate those phone calls and emails, they make me sick. It's crazy how harsh the emotions can be.


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## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Waterlillies said:


> He obviously did not love me.


This isn't necessarily true. He may not have had a healthy way of showing it and may have had other issues, but he very may well love you. The problem is his anger issues seem to be the stronger emotion for him. 

As many people here can attest, just because you love someone does not mean you treat them well. Quite the opposite in some cases. 

You need to be documenting his anger/threats. Keep the VMs. They will help ensure he does not get custody of your daughter. You also need to try again to get a restraining order. He may just be overly emotional right now, but there is no need for his current actions and he needs to be shown that. 

Stay strong.


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