# Wife lost her job....Now tries to sex her way out of things



## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

She didn't exactly lose her job but she has been laid off for about five weeks.It seems when we sort of fix one issue in our marriage another one comes.Anyway there has been about eight or or nine times since she got laid off that I came home from work to a dirty house.Yesterday I came home from work,and the kitchen was dirty,and I started yelling.I went upstairs and our room needed to be vacuumed.When I was in the middle of yelling about that,she starts kissing and touching me.Within a couple seconds we were having sex.I then went downstairs to the kitchen and cleaned up,and I didn't say anything else to her about cleaning up.I don't want her to get the impression she can just sex her way out things.This situation happened a couple times.I feel really bad for her,I got laid off last year as well.She prefers to change the subject when I bring up her being laid off.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well it worked didn't it?

Some people need to be busy in order to get things done. Since she has so much free time, she can procrastinate all day long. I sometimes fall into the same rut, and it really is a rut.

Mr. Pink and I talk in the morning and he gets me to come up with a few things I want to get done that day. then he makes me promise to actually complete the more reasonable one, I tend to overbook my time. It has been a tremendous help to me since I retired in the fall.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Anon Pink said:


> Well it worked didn't it?
> 
> Some people need to be busy in order to get things done. Since she has so much free time, she can procrastinate all day long. I sometimes fall into the same rut, and it really is a rut.
> 
> Mr. Pink and I talk in the morning and he gets me to come up with a few things I want to get done that day. then he makes me promise to actually complete the more reasonable one, I tend to overbook my time. It has been a tremendous help to me since I retired in the fall.


 Thats interesting.Not sure if thats the case here.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

You started yelling? Really? She's not your maid. It's hard to be home if it wasn't a choice, is she online applying for jobs? Sometimes those applications ask for so much information job searching is a job itself. Plus, it's hurtful if you just barge in and tell her hits a mess and that she needs to vacuum. Find out what's going on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

mablenc said:


> You started yelling? Really? She's not your maid.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 She's not my maid,but I do want our room and kitchen to be clean.It's not like I'm asking her clean up a mess I made.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Why do you yell at her? The only time my spouse yells at me is when there is noise interfering.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CEL (May 7, 2013)

Jack I said:


> She didn't exactly lose her job but she has been laid off for about five weeks.It seems when we sort of fix one issue in our marriage another one comes.Anyway there has been about eight or or nine times since she got laid off that I came home from work to a dirty house.Yesterday I came home from work,and the kitchen was dirty,and I started yelling.I went upstairs and our room needed to be vacuumed.When I was in the middle of yelling about that,she starts kissing and touching me.Within a couple seconds we were having sex.I then went downstairs to the kitchen and cleaned up,and I didn't say anything else to her about cleaning up.I don't want her to get the impression she can just sex her way out things.This situation happened a couple times.I feel really bad for her,I got laid off last year as well.She prefers to change the subject when I bring up her being laid off.



Sounds fair to me clean house or sex.....Ummm SEX PLEASE. Yep I am a cleaning ***** will clean for sex. LOL. In my house I do most of this anyway dishes, vacumming, scrubbing, sweeping, rug shampoo all me sometimes for hours on my weekend and during the week. She just does not like to do it so well someone has to and it mine as well be me.

But as for you she just lost her job just because of that does not mean she is suddenly going to turn into a cleaning machine. The issue is really you, why do you think that she should clean up the house? You work so I am guessing you feel that she has all this time on her hands she mine as well do something for the house. Here is the deal just because she is laid off and home does not give you the right expect that. You can talk to her and ask her if she would be willing to help out more since she has more time but to just assume that she would be doing it is a little much. Take it this way on vacation I sometimes stay home when I do it is up to me if I want to do house keeping or not just like when my wife does it is up to her. This is an issue of expectations that you have that she has not agreed to instead you are upset about a covert contract you made with yourself saying well she is off work now the house will be cleaned.....the two are not related if you want this then you need to speak up about what you want. Be prepared to be told no tho as some people hate doing house work and it really is her decision.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Pavlov at work.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Pavlov at work.


:rofl::rofl::lol:woof, woof


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Jack I said:


> She didn't exactly lose her job but she has been laid off for about five weeks.It seems when we sort of fix one issue in our marriage another one comes.Anyway there has been about eight or or nine times since she got laid off that I came home from work to a dirty house.Yesterday I came home from work,and the kitchen was dirty,and I started yelling.I went upstairs and our room needed to be vacuumed.When I was in the middle of yelling about that,she starts kissing and touching me.Within a couple seconds we were having sex.I then went downstairs to the kitchen and cleaned up,and I didn't say anything else to her about cleaning up.I don't want her to get the impression she can just sex her way out things.This situation happened a couple times.I feel really bad for her,I got laid off last year as well.She prefers to change the subject when I bring up her being laid off.


When you got laid off, you probably figured you would make yourself useful around the house during the day. You got your worth in the marriage from that. Your W is not you. When women who earn wages lose their job, the last thing they want is to say to themselves, well, I still have value because I can clean the kitchen floor with the best of them. Nope, your W has zeroed in on what she thinks is her go-to value in the marriage when wage-earning isn't cutting it. I think it's just your perception based on what you did and how you coped, that is making you see this fun while there's time to have fun indulgence in sex, as using her body to get out of housework. 

How does she spend her time during the day? She may be on-line looking for jobs or otherwise avoiding having to deal with the overwhelming task of re-arranging her whole life for a new job...complete with more people who want more done and a certain way, etc. etc. etc. and when you're new at a job you are expected to hustle. I'd indulge/enjoy and let it go, especially if it's new behavior (the not cleaning) due to job loss...and stop kicking yourself (as it sounds) for not being able to resist.  "We found ourselves..." so passive...as though you had no intention of having sex with your wife, but it suddenly happened. Well, you're married, so what if it did? But you shouldn't have to yell in order to get to that point...if a guy yelled at me for not cleaning, I'd not only be looking for a new job, I'd be looking for a new guy. I have no idea why family members think they can treat each other in that way. really.


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Pavlov at work.


Word.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Just to give you an example, when I got laid off my husband told me to just rest a few days. Seeing everyone drop like flies at work is stressful. 
He told me to take advantage of my time and do things I had not been able to do so I took swimming lessons, worked on my designs (I sew) take time to bond with my son I learned to use photoshop, got a profeional certification. I started a small side business. I reorganized the house, but for three weeks it looked like a disaster because well while reorganizing you have to pull things out.

I am so glad I got to do those things, and that I had such great support. If you had seen my home on some of these days you would have thought I was doing nothing.

Your wife is acting this way because by offering sex I'm sure you stop yelling and complainting.

Talk to her instead, it can be a productive opportunity for her.


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## RFguy (Feb 17, 2013)

Jack I said:


> She's not my maid,but I do want our room and kitchen to be clean.It's not like I'm asking her clean up a mess I made.


Unless you don't eat the foods she cooks in the kitchen and you don't sleep in the room, it is your mess too.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

It seems to me that if one spouse isn't working, it would be reasonable for that person to be more engaged in household duties. You need to discuss it, not expect it. 

Fact is, being laid off may be rough on her emotionally. Have you been supportive and understanding? The sex may be as much about trying to feel close to you as it is to shut you up.


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## SouthernMiss (Apr 25, 2013)

She can't sex her way out of things without a willing partner. I have no idea why you'd complain. You're helping her do it. You're just as guilty as she is, if she's guilty.

I understand you'd like her to clean up her own messes. She should. But I can tell you that if my husband YELLED at me because I didn't clean the kitchen, I would react...negatively...to say the least.

If you don't want her to sex her way out of things, stop having sex with her when she tries it.


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## WellyVamp (Apr 26, 2013)

She is probably feeling pretty lousy if she has recently been laid off.

It's understandable that you want her to look after the house, but sometimes finding a new job can be a full time job in itself.


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## rogergrant (Dec 7, 2011)

If the sex is good enough, that seems fair to me.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

mablenc said:


> You started yelling? Really? She's not your maid. It's hard to be home if it wasn't a choice, is she online applying for jobs? Sometimes those applications ask for so much information job searching is a job itself. Plus, it's hurtful if you just barge in and tell her hits a mess and that she needs to vacuum. Find out what's going on.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh how true...I lost my job about 12 years ago...My wife was selling AVON for the FEW bucks it paid. I was online almost all day every day looking for jobs, tweeking my resume to fit each one, and adjusting my cover letters to fit each job....They pay people good money for doing sh1t like this, but my wife said I spent all day "PLAYING" on the computer......

I was getting results, getting contract jobs for 3-4 months each...The economy was in a hole due to 9-11....I finally hooked up with a fabulous job designing miniature subs...

They offered me the job without a face to face interview, and waived the requirement for an engineering degree...ALL ON THE MERIT OF THE RESUME AND COVER LETTER I HAD SO CAREFULLY HAND CRAFTED....It still pisses me to know she still thinks I was home "humping the pooch" all day and "playing on my computer"....

pissed off
woodchuck


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yelling at your spouse is very disrespectful. Especially over something so trivial.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

RFguy said:


> Unless you don't eat the foods she cooks in the kitchen and you don't sleep in the room, it is your mess too.


I was getting ready for work in the morning,and she spilled a plate of potatoes with ketchup on it on the floor.When I got off work the potatoes were still on the floor....on the rug I just bought.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Jack I said:


> I was getting ready for work in the morning,and she spilled a plate of potatoes with ketchup on it on the floor.When I got off work the potatoes were still on the floor....on the rug I just bought.


Well, that doesn't sound so trivial.

Tell you what. I'll loan you my wife for a month. I guarantee she won't try to cover up any behavior with sex. You can decide which you'd rather have at the end of the month.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> Oh how true...I lost my job about 12 years ago...My wife was selling AVON for the FEW bucks it paid. I was online almost all day every day looking for jobs, tweeking my resume to fit each one, and adjusting my cover letters to fit each job....They pay people good money for doing sh1t like this, but my wife said I spent all day "PLAYING" on the computer......
> 
> I was getting results, getting contract jobs for 3-4 months each...The economy was in a hole due to 9-11....I finally hooked up with a fabulous job designing miniature subs...
> 
> ...


When my husband has been unemployed we both take it like a full time job to fix up the résumé and adjust the cover letter to the positions applied to
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Whiner (May 22, 2013)

I think the stranger thing is that you yelled and she put the moves on you. I mean, is it that she thinks the cleaning is not a big issue and you are just grumpy so why not skip the useless fight and get to the "good stuff," or was it truly a diversion to get herself out of "trouble"? And yeah, discuss the whole division of responsibilities before you start yelling. You might need to consider if you yell at her a lot. 

I have to add that being at home after working full-time is hard. I teach, and at the start of each summer, I am surprised at how hard it is to make myself do little household chores. After all, I really CAN do them tomorrow ( at least until all those summer workshops begin). There is also the psychological side, a reluctance to do grunt work if you used to do something professional.

One more thought--being at home with nothing to think of except absent spouse can also get one really revved up for business when spouse gets home. Maybe that's more what's going on. I like for my guy to come home at lunch and spend some quality time with me. then I'm happy and able to focus on chores for the rest of the day!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Maybe she finds you irresistible when you yell. Does your face get red, eyes blaze and voice deepen? Do you run your hands through your hair and get all bossy? She is not using sex to get out of housework, she is using housework or lack thereof to get sex. I bet she cant wait for you to get home and jump your angry azz. :=}. 

What's the problem again??
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

Jack I said:


> I was getting ready for work in the morning,and she spilled a plate of potatoes with ketchup on it on the floor.When I got off work the potatoes were still on the floor....on the rug I just bought.


So then you yelled at her for that and then she jumped you? 

I would be pretty darn upset about a mess like that being left on the floor all day, too, job or no job. That's just plain gross. Did you give in and have sex? If so, perhaps try not giving in to sex and also not yelling but calmly telling her that it's not sanitary to leave messes like that laying around all day and you'd appreciate it if she would clean up after herself rather than try to sweep it under the rug - so to speak - with sex.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Your wifee got layed off and for a 5 week period and this has happened before, so its nothing really new.

When someone gets layed off, number one thing is to make looking for a job a job. Internet, driving around town, talking to friends, even newspapers, job employment agencies and even a student loan for advanced schooling, etc.

Since she isn't working, the chores, errands and even dinner should be done each and every day because she has the time while you work full time supporting her.

You get home from work, chores aren't done and there's still a mess on the floor, from when she dropped the food.

She didn't clean it up? Is she a lazy bum and a princess?

My wife has never done that ever or behaves that way.

Then after working all day, you do the chores and clean up her mess, while she didn't work, you get upset and angry at her, rightly so........and then she gives you sex to make it all okay?

I'm not too impressed with this woman of yours. My wifee could teach her some life lessons.

You did nothing wrong by getting mad at her and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise. Not cool. Sounds like she is spoiled and gets her way.



When I got layed off, going through tough times, way back in the day, my wife worked full time, I was on EI for the year, I never had her pay my share of the bills and the chores, errands were always done!!!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Maybe she finds you irresistible when you yell. Does your face get red, eyes blaze and voice deepen? Do you run your hands through your hair and get all bossy? She is not using sex to get out of housework, she is using housework or lack thereof to get sex. I bet she cant wait for you to get home and jump your angry azz. :=}.
> 
> What's the problem again??
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Perhaps we should stop cleaning up spills?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Seriously, a dirty house is inexcusable. Can you make a list of task and divide them up based on the time each of you have to devote to chores? She is home while you work so she should be able to complete most of the chores. What is she doing all day?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

ginger-snap said:


> So then you yelled at her for that and then she jumped you?
> 
> I would be pretty darn upset about a mess like that being left on the floor all day, too, job or no job. That's just plain gross. Did you give in and have sex? If so, perhaps try not giving in to sex and also not yelling but calmly telling her that it's not sanitary to leave messes like that laying around all day and you'd appreciate it if she would clean up after herself rather than try to sweep it under the rug - so to speak - with sex.


Well that particular time,she didn't try to have sex with me.We just kind of had an argument.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Seriously, a dirty house is inexcusable. Can you make a list of task and divide them up based on the time each of you have to devote to chores? She is home while you work so she should be able to complete most of the chores. What is she doing all day?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well I've already told her what I want done around the house.And there are still days when I come home to a dirty house.There is a good chance she will be back to her job,but she doesn't know exactly when.


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## Jack I (Nov 23, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> You did nothing wrong by getting mad at her and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.


Yeah,I must say that I've been surprised at the number of people who said I shouldn't have gotten on her about not cleaning the house.People said things like "it's your house too''.I think it's reasonable for me to want her to not leave messes in the bedroom and the kitchen.


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## ginger-snap (Apr 10, 2013)

It might be how you stated it. It's not unreasonable to expect someone to be able to clean up his/her own mess. That being said, it's rather condescending to say you yelled *at* her or "told her what I want done around the house" as if she is a child. My husband is not a very neat/tidy person, but I try not to treat him as a child by ordering him around or yelling at him. That approach will often backfire into resistance.


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## Strattec (Apr 27, 2013)

Jack I said:


> She didn't exactly lose her job but she has been laid off for about five weeks.It seems when we sort of fix one issue in our marriage another one comes.Anyway there has been about eight or or nine times since she got laid off that I came home from work to a dirty house.Yesterday I came home from work,and the kitchen was dirty,and I started yelling.I went upstairs and our room needed to be vacuumed.When I was in the middle of yelling about that,she starts kissing and touching me.Within a couple seconds we were having sex.I then went downstairs to the kitchen and cleaned up,and I didn't say anything else to her about cleaning up.I don't want her to get the impression she can just sex her way out things.This situation happened a couple times.I feel really bad for her,I got laid off last year as well.She prefers to change the subject when I bring up her being laid off.


It sounds like she's trained you well. She has sex with you and you reward her behavior by cleaning up after her. Next time, after sex, just tell her to clean nicely and don't do it yourself.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Jack I said:


> I was getting ready for work in the morning,and she spilled a plate of potatoes with ketchup on it on the floor.When I got off work the potatoes were still on the floor....on the rug I just bought.


In that case, I'd check for drug use. 
If it's unusual behavior. 
You know, when you state a problem, you need to give it some scale. Dirty to me is leaving dishes in the sink, or putting off vacuuming for a few days, or hair in the bathroom sink.
HOWEVER, yelling is not going to get her to clean up. It's going to make her feel like you're treating her as a child, rather than 1/2 of a problem the TWO of you need to solve, regarding hygiene and other standards in your home.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

If my wifee left dropped food on the floor all day and didn't do obvious basic chores, like we were all taught when living at home with mom and dad, she would get a yelling and talking to big time and our parents would do the same.

Again, don't let all these bleeding hearts tell you, its bad to yell at her, its 50% your fault, don't treat her like a child, etc. All nonsense!!!

Here are the facts.

She is an adult and not a child.

She is your wife and your are on your own together.

She isn't working due to the usual layoff and you are supporting her.

She is behaving like a lazy, spoiled child, not a woman and should be treated as such.

Again, my wifee could teach your woman many life skills she lacks.

She uses sex to get out of the situation and not take responsibility.

When you make a mess, you immediately clean it up. If you don't you are a pig, lazy and not an adult.

When you work full time, you share 50% of the chores and errands. When you don't work, you do 99% of the chores and errands, which still doesn't take that much time to do. Simple.

And yes, she has trained you well, sex makes all her laziness okay.

My wifee won't let me get away with that and I don't let her get away with it either. We are both full time working adults.

Hopefully, your wifee will grow up and start being an adult. You deserve this in spades.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

Catherine602 said:


> Just adding levity to the discussion. *Having sex with fire ants running all over them and the catsup would not be fun*.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I laughed so hard (this is midnight in my country) and my wife woke up and asked me what happened, so I translated your answer to her, and now we are laughing together


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## SweetDee47 (Jun 1, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> In that case, I'd check for drug use.
> If it's unusual behavior.
> QUOTE]
> 
> ...


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

CuddleBug said:


> If my wifee left dropped food on the floor all day and didn't do obvious basic chores, like we were all taught when living at home with mom and dad, she would get a yelling and talking to big time and our parents would do the same.
> 
> Again, don't let all these bleeding hearts tell you, its bad to yell at her, its 50% your fault, don't treat her like a child, etc. All nonsense!!!
> 
> ...


That's fine, if you're in a relationship that encourages/requires the wife to be submissive. I forget the term for that type of relationship, which occurs by specific agreement between the two couples. 

But in most modern relationships in the Western world, an issue with one member of the couple belongs to both of them. This is what a marriage vow does for you. If you would not yell at yourself, or want to be yelled at, don't yell at your other half. It won't solve anything, and builds resentment and causes your partner to want to withdraw or retaliate, or even dig their heels in. It's the same for yelling at kids. Does not work. It might make you feel better, but it has no effect on the larger problem.


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## tryingtochange (Jun 4, 2013)

ok after reading all this was she lazy before she was laid off?? if not she may be depressed. I was laid off about two years ago and it kicked my ego in the dirt. Sex is great have it whenever its offered!!! Its a mood enhancer!!! but housework still needs to get done. No don t yell cause in my house you would get a FU for that and I would not do anything. But most importantly she may just be depressed look into that.


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## southbound (Oct 31, 2010)

I would have skipped the yelling at her.

Not to make light of the situation, but heck, when i was married, I would have let a lot of things go if my wife would have had sex. I guess sex was a big part of my love language, but she was LD.

If i had come home to a dirty house, yet she was wanting sex, yeah, i would have taken that.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

She is an adult and not working and this has happened before.

As an adult, without being asked or reminded, she should be doing the majority of the chores and cleaning up after herself.

She is not doing this and using sex to get him do to the chores and clean up after her, while he works, supporting her and she stays home on her ass.

Of course, you're going to get angry. If you don't, you are encouraging the bad behavior. 

Sounds like I'm talking about a child right, but this is an adult woman.

Not cool at all......


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I was unemployed once, for almost a year.

I make about (hm...takes out calculator) almost 8 times what my wife makes - so this was a big deal.

I found it humiliating, painful, very, very difficult. I was surprised both at how long it took me to get back into a good job - but at how it affected my sense of self respect - how I viewed myself. Eventually I started even questioning my value as a person. Crazy. I could go on and on about no responses to resumes and yikes.

Through it all? Not a PEEP out of my wife besides encouragement. She kept gong to work and we did made some changes since $ was suddenly VERY tight. 3 month go by. 6 months go by. 8. She made suggestion about things I could to to keep myself busy.. get out of the house - work on a project, etc.

I see she is worried - or is that me projecting my worry onto her? We talk a little about it - but she isnt grilling me about what is happening or letting her concern manifest itself as a critique. Not much anyway.

Eventually - I do get a job of course. (It did not seem like of course back then!) Been at current job for 10 years now. I will never forget how she supported me during that time. There were days when I was a total slug and let the house go because it was overwhelming sometimes - not the housework but the near depression that was setting in. I can guess at how it was for her because I know how I might have reacted if the shoe were on the other foot. Its a little humbling to feel like your spouse is the better half because of something like this.

...rambling...


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## hambone (Mar 30, 2013)

WellyVamp said:


> She is probably feeling pretty lousy if she has recently been laid off.
> 
> It's understandable that you want her to look after the house, but sometimes finding a new job can be a full time job in itself.


Did she have a job... or a career.

She might be totally depressed about losing her job..


I'm retired. And I don't get near as much done as I used to... When you don't work... there is a real tendency when first get up to think, "I need to do so and so... I got all day... I'll check the internet... email etc. etc.etc. " Before you know it, it's almost noon. "We'll, I'll wait until this afternoon. " 

Bottom line is you postpone it until you thin, 'Heck, I"ll just do it tomorrow!".. And you do that day after day after day.

When you work.. there more of a tendency to get it done now... cause you've to work tomorrow.


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## bbrad (May 30, 2012)

I already do most of the work, and still can't get laid. Consider yourself lucky.


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