# Ladies how do I tell my wife her bjs are boring?



## L.M.COYL (Nov 16, 2010)

Ladies how do I tell my wife her bjs are boring?

Don't get me wrong, Ilove my wife, but her bjs and her
sexual technique has not really improved in the last
20 years. 

Some days I think she needs to have fun with other men just to
improve her style. My sex needs are feeling stiffled by her
boring and largely uninspired approach. By contrast I find 
opptunities for sexuality during the entire day, even just
brushing up against her while I pass by.

i don't need to cum every time, but just to trigger and 
exercise those juices to run, that way when we finally have sex it is like blowing a dam of pent up eroticism!

Anyway, I don't want to hurt her feelings and say, wow that
really was the most uninspired blowjob ever, or I think your
participation during that doggie style was far less pleasurable than
my last masturbation session. 

Help! Please!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

You sound half joking but I am sure you are serious. I have many questions for your consideration. If it's too annoying please don't answer. I ask just thinking of a relationship form a womans point of view so here it goes. What is the quality of sex for her? What I am thinking is that if she is getting enthusiastic sex that satisfys her needs from you she really has no reason for a lackluster approach. Are you certain she is satisfied sexually? 

Are you changing sexual activities to keep things from getting boring? How about the quality of the relationship? Do you both find it easy to talk to each other, spend time together, do activities with each other. Are there any issues in the relationship that are unresolved conflicts from her point of view, something she ask of you that you may think is not important and have not addressed? 

Do you check in with each other about what you need sexually, I am certain you both have changed over the years. Do you ask her for a bj and have you given her a hint that you are unhappy with her performance ? Do you know what turns her on sexually. Well that enough of a 3rd degree.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I would also question other things in your relationship. My husband and I recently had a lot of serious issues and while I continued to have sex with him off and on I was not the least bit interested in it and I was even repulsed by him some of the time so I just tried to get things over with as quick as possible. I am sure he probably thought what I did was boring also, but I just couldn't stand to be with him. Is your relationship good or are you having problems? If it is good then you should be able to communicate with her and without being critical make suggestions about what you would like. Most women cannot have great sex if the relationship is suffering because their emotions spill over into their actions in the bedroom. I know some men who could still have inspired sex with an ice pick stuck in their foot, but most women cannot separate the mental and physical the way many men can.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Just look up the last thread I posted in and think of the word ditto in concerning this post. Both posts have me thinking...are they serious? I mean really? Serious?


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Definitely need to see how she feels about the sex life. If she's not satisfied, she's not going to want to go out of her way to make sure you are. 

Satisfied or not, telling her what she's doing for you is boring is not the way to go. Even phrased differently, hearing that is going to hurt her feels and make her pull back even farther from you, not only sexually, but emotionally as well. 

I would try introducing new techniques and ideas in a casual fashion. Tell her you read somewhere about how doing X during a blowjob is supposed to do Y for the man, and you want to find out if that's true. Or that you heard B position is supposed to be great for hitting her G spot and you want to test that theory out. 

If she tells you she's happy sexually, and refuses to try anything new, or still seems to give that lackluster performance, then it might be time to sit down and find out if something else is bothering her.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

What I would suggest is this...

Get spicier for HER. Ask HER what she would like to spice? What exploration would SHE like? Dress up? Role play? Some women enjoy sexy and fantasy stories... Try new techniques with your tongue. Try some massage, sexy and non-sexy both. Spark up the romance. Romance without a sexual quid pro quo. Clean the bathroom and draw her a bath with rose petals and candles on the counter. Take off her clothes for her and set her in. Then sex only if it lights HER fire.

Once the kitten is purring, make little suggestions. Hey honey, could you flick your tong over this sensitive spot here? When you are doing doggie style, gently lift her hands and walk your knees forward and place her hands on the head board....

Then use your imagination!

That is what I woudl do anyway.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

L.M.COYL said:


> As I said, I have spoken to her years and years ago that she
> was not very imaginative - that made her predictably upset.
> 
> But she has never really been very wild in bed while I am quite wiling to try new things.
> ...


Video tape each other and then provide step by step instructions. heh


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## Mal74 (Dec 24, 2009)

L.M.COYL said:


> I have a moderate to stronger libido than most men and am finding the frustration to be really quite exasperating.


At the risk of just being patently offensive, let me offer that after reading your posts, I think you sound like a self-absorbed, arrogant ass.

Now, let me also offer that I've read two of your posts so there's certainly every chance I could be wrong. In which case, let me also offer that you've gotten GREAT advice through this whole thread.

- Rather than focusing on how she's not pleasing you, focus authentically on how you can rev up her engine.
- Attend to your relationship. What is her experience of you? Is there real, deep affection in your marriage? If not, start creating that. Knowing that I am his world, and that he really, really loves me, makes me wet.
- Introduce some new sexual fun, from the standpoint of fun. Laura Corn's books are great in this area. They're full of fun things to try.
- Inquire about her fantasies, and be open to it taking a long time to get them out of her. Don't press... just play.

Of course, if you are in fact a self-absorbed, arrogant ass, then all of the advice you've gotten in this thread will fall on deaf ears, because it'll still all be "her problem," rather than something you share. 

So in the end it is up to you, as is everything in life.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I only have one suggestion.

Start buying her Cosmo Magazine. it's full of tips and tricks for the other wise dull and uncreative. Usually plenty of BJ ideas.


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

is there such a thing?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

amanda1959 said:


> is there such a thing?


I've never had a boring one.


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## deb9017 (Nov 8, 2010)

You do not tell her that her BJ's or your sex life is boring. That is guaranteed to hurt her and cause her to be defensive, which is certainly NOT going to improve your sex life. Just think of specific things you would like to try, and talk to her about it. Say "Hey, I would really like to try....". That way it sounds like you are wanting to try something different because it sounds appealing, not because what she is doing is awful. And when she does give you blow jobs, and maybe make a certain move that you do like, let her know (moans, etc.) That will encourage the right stuff.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

isnt it natural for it to get boring after 20 years with the same person? im not saying it has to stay that way, but its gotta be normal to go through ups and downs in sex peaks. 

here's a suggesting. have no sex, of any kind, whatsoever, for a month. then see how boring it is. maybe you're just spoiled


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## WadeWilson (Jul 4, 2010)

Wow... Wow... Don't tell her man... That's not a good look...

My problem was never excitement but getting her to go there... But once there it was always great but even with that I knew it could get even better... So me and my wife had a discussion and in that she said "all you want to do is get in the car in the winter and drive... You know you have to start the car let it warm up then we can drive".

Let her know you want it up front, but when you start visit her "downtown" sites, tease her a little, make her understand what you want by demonstrating going outta your way to please her... And hopefully she will follow.

Try adding fun to your experience and hers by being playful and not frustrated and serious... Me and my wife laugh and joke during most of our sex play... When we didn't she was just hurry up and get it over... But for the most part talk with her, especially when not in the bedroom when everyones pent-up with lustful desire... Talk in the car, while watching tv, at any point when immediate sex and foreplay isn't happening.


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## chefmaster (Oct 30, 2010)

L.M.COYL said:


> Ladies how do I tell my wife her bjs are boring?


You don't unless you don't want them anymore 




L.M.COYL said:


> Some days I think she needs to have fun with other men just to improve her style.


Her experience would only be gained by the other guys telling her how they like it done, which you can do yourself.

Let her know which things please you by going "That! do that!, or "Right there, oh yeah!". Moaning at a pleasurable thing she's doing works well too. Once you guys have tossed out all the things that don't work and only do the things you like you'll be all set.

You can enhance them yourself in other ways like lying down and positioning yourself so you can see or feel her body better.

If you can, have her pay special attn to the Talyor's Band(the whole first inch down from the head, especially on the bottom, you'll thank her for it )


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

This is what I would do, I would open up communication in the bedroom, when you are pleasing your wife down there, ask her to walk you through this, tell her you want to make sure you are doing thing just the way she likes it to be done, then do everything and let her be pleased in the best way possible, then when she is pleasing you, maybe you could use the same process, tell her you don't want to not do things right for her, I'm sure after a few efforts on your part that she will think about going down the same road for you.............she will want to take care of things on her end.........Then walk her through the best possible way for you........It will be fun.............this way both of you will have the best sex in your life................
This is what I do with my husband, and I too have learned to be better just through what works best for him.............we also have been married over 20 years.....


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