# is it normal?



## Special1122 (Aug 20, 2012)

Lately I ve been wanting to take my wife to a bar dressed sexy and allow her to flirt with other guys and at the end of the night we go home together. Is this normal?
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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

What is "normal"?


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## Special1122 (Aug 20, 2012)

For me to want to see her flirting with other guys, dance, etc
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## TallJeff (Nov 1, 2011)

There is no normal, there is only what works for you.

And I know this particular 'activity' is something lots of couples do.

As long as she's faithful she might enjoy the attention and if it's just you getting the benefits, then enjoy.


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

Yes, it's normal for some men.

I find it very off-putting though.

Let me guess: you wouldn't want her dancing and chatting up some unattractive "loser" guy right?...he'd need to be attractive and confident...you know..."a winner".

And through his approval of and attraction towards your *WIFE*...you would indirectly get some feelings of attraction and approval of *YOURSELF*...(cause you landed a mate that alpha males find alluring).

IDK...maybe there's nothing really wrong with this desire/behavior...I guess it just goes against my own personal beliefs about "Appropriate Masculine Behavior"...masculine to me involves a certain amount of possessiveness over your wife and her femininity/sexuality/etc...and the idea of "sharing her" would be anger inducing...not pleasurable

So, that request/desire would be a major _emasculator_ to me...but then...that's just me and my opinion...maybe more broad-minded women wouldn't have a problem with it


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

OP are you the bottom or the top?


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

Why not have the guy take her home to your house and have sex with her while you watch while you're at it.


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## GinnyTonia (Jul 31, 2012)

That Guy Kyle said:


> I also have to admit that whenever someone mentions this kind of idea on here it makes me think of that episode of Modern Family where Phil picks up his wife in a role play at a bar and she ends up being embarrassed a hundred different ways, or the sequel when he tries to meet her in a hotel room after another role play and ends up in the wrong woman's room.


LOL! Me too!

OP, this sounds fairly harmless. Could end up awkward or failed, though, leading to embarrassment. 

However, hard boundaries need to be set up regarding how far to take it and maybe agree on signals that either of you could use to halt the experiment. 

And you need to realize that this could just be a stepping stone to the next "kink" if one or both of you really enjoy the experience.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

I've heard about this a lot but I am way tOo jealous to sit back and watch my wife being hit on, even if it was all in the plan. And I have no insecurities about myself or our relationship either. That's just my personality. 

While we were dating, she told me a man at her job kept hitting on her and asking her to go out with him. But she also said he was a loser that did this to all the women there. I was going to destroy this guy in the parking lot and demanded she pointed him out to me. She was concerned that it would effect her job (he was above her) and I would get in trouble, so she stopped talking about it. 

I had to respect her wishes and let it go, but it always annoyed me. Especially after we got married and if this JO still was doing it. 

So there s no way I can get a front row seat to see it happening.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, I don't know if this is normal or not. However, I think partaking in something like this could be a gateway to a world you may not like at all. What if the wife starts to really enjoy the extra attention that other guys start to give her, and begins to crave this attention. You can see where this may go from there. It's a temptation to take the next step towards infidelity. I'm not saying that this is guaranteed to happen, but it's adding extra stress to the marriage that shouldn't be added IMO.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

jaquen said:


> What is "normal"?


So true....normal is defined by you and your significant other.








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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

wiigirl said:


> So true....normal is defined by you and your significant other.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Exactly.

Nobody on TAM can define "normal" for any other couple. We do know that this board, on the whole, tends to slant more toward a conservative leaning. I have a beautiful marriage, but spending enough time here on TAM has shown me that my wife and I have a very different standards and allowances for our marriage than the typical TAMer seems to have. If I made threads asking for TAM to define "normal" for me, and took the standard advice given, I'd probably slaughter my marriage to death in record time.

If what the OP and his wife have going feels "normal" to them, and it doesn't appear to be killing their marriage, than they should keep doing what's "normal" for them. I mean already some of the responses to the OP have gone way overboard.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

OP I'll flirt with your wife. Can't promise it will end there.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

*sigh*, why are so many men turning into cuckolds?

I don't understand how you get aroused from that stuff.


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Complexity said:


> *sigh*, why are so many men turning into cuckolds?
> 
> I don't understand how you get aroused from that stuff.


QFT. Seriously. When I found out my wife had cheated she was already on her way on a 2500 mile drive because she knew that I would force her to watch me destroy the needle-pricked loser she picked up. 

I do not understand why men are aroused by the thought of their wife being with someone else. Can't say I'd be disgusted with the idea of indulging them with their fantasy, but I don't understand how you can call yourself a man if you want to see your wife with other guys.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I don't know that I would say it's normal although I would say you're definately not alone. There's a theory that for primitive man the knowledge that his partner was with another man would increase his sperm production...presumably to compete with the other man's sperm. 

Presumably seeing your wife flirt with other men invokes this primitive response causing your sexual response to go into overdrive. I believe that's where the thrill is coming from. 

This thrill is balanced against the psychological issues around it which the other posters have raised (i.e. physical and emotional risks involved in participating in this behaviour). For some it would be a turn on...for others it would be a train wreck.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

How did we jump from the OP saying he wants to see his wife get dressed up, and flirted with, to:

Asking him if he's a top or bottom? 

Suggesting he wants to **** other men? 

Saying he's intersted in watching her get phucked by other men while he watches?


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

jaquen said:


> How did we jump from the OP saying he wants to see his wife get dressed up, and flirted with, to:
> 
> Asking him if he's a top or bottom?
> 
> ...


Oldish thread but I couldn't resist. To answer your question, how did we...? It's called either a) projection, or b) wishful thinking.

I'm with you. My wife and I have committed, loving, mutual respectful albeit non-standard marraige. We don't sleep with other people. We don't have any weird arrangements. But we are not your average bear. Why would we want to be?

To OP, my wife and I are going to do something similar. But given our past we're going to make one change to your scenario. I'll go into the bar, then she'll come in a bit later. She'll scan all the prospects in the bar and then see me. She'll spend the evening dancing and flirting with me and then I'm the one who's going to get lucky and go home with the girl.

Hey, it's the only way *I'm* ever going to get lucky in a bar. :lol:


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