# Wife Trying To Blackmail Me Trying to Get me Fired



## YourPleasure (Jun 23, 2018)

So, Wife called and said she was coming back home tomorrow to work on the "Divorce" issues. Namely property dividing, pretty much told me she was going to have me fired at work if I did not accept her offer that was on the table. 

At work we have a no cell phone policy. She is pointing out that my number has been used while I am supposed to be working. I think she will probably go to HR and try and show them records.I don't know what the cell phone privacy laws are. But there is that. How she can prove that it was me talking on my phone and not her to make it look like I was, I don't know. 

Anyway, I think she is kind of scared about her property and splitting it or she wouldn't be considering doing this. She wanted to get me to agree on the phone to an offer, I told her I would not either agree nor disagree to anything. But she insisted on listing what she wanted and what she thought I should have. Didn't agree or say anything. 

Pretty much has told me she has contacted our daughters and heavily swayed them or has tried to. 

I guess the big thing is the job aspect. 

I wouldn't be surprised if she or her lawyer are already watching what I do here, but no way she can prove that either, not that I am doing anything wrong. But I need advice nonetheless, if she is watching or not.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Step 1) Get a new phone on a new line on a new plan — a plan just for you. Make sure that you put a new passcode on it — something that she wouldn’t know and won’t be able to guess.

Step 2) Tell her to go **** herself — you won’t be blackmailed into anything.

Step 3) Get a VAR and learn to configure it and use it. Keep it in your person at all times. If it’s legal to do so where you live (look into this), record any and all conversations that you have with her — whether in person or on the phone (IOW, use the speakerphone function when talking to her). If it’s not legal to record conversations without her knowledge, simply show her the VAR and let her know that you’ll be recording all your conversations going forward, and that any continued gum-flapping will be taken as consent to being recorded.


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## YourPleasure (Jun 23, 2018)

She also told me that she plans to call the police and have me arrested for domestic violence. 2 months ago, I was about to go to work had a pepsi in my hand, she started an argument I tossed the pepsi under hand in the front yard about 25 yards opposite direction she was at. Guess it's good that I told her not just to show up, I was kinda nervous why she would do that, I said. I told her to call, so at least I have an idea of what she is going to be trying to do anyhow. 

Maybe I should just move out to a motel to save any heart ache I know she will be trying to bring me. Starting fights, trying to get an excitement out of me. 

She listed these things I found on a website about divorcing a narcissist. Also saw somewhere that they will bring alcohol issues into light. Mind youguys please that I have never had a DUI or had any court order for me to stop. I quit drinking on my own for 11 years, drank again for 5 years and decided to quit again a year ago. I was told on the phone that she is not the one with alcoholic issues that destroyed our lives, that it was me. Maybe I should just move out instead of getting dragged down a hole with her around, she is coming home tomorrow, maybe I will stay in a motel go get a personal loan and find a place to live for a while. 


If you instigate divorce proceedings, then our attitude to proceedings is governed by: –

A massive sense of injustice. We gave you so much during the golden period and this is how you treat us?
It is never our fault. You are a greedy, nasty, horrible person who just cannot be satisfied;
Your action amounts to a considerable criticism of us. This ignites our fury and this fury will drive our attitude and behaviour towards you during the divorce;
We will look to cross-petition for divorce by demonstrating that it is your fault and not ours;
We will defend your divorce petition, because we have done nothing wrong;
Your awful behaviour towards us provides us with material to smear you, “how could he/she do this to me after all the things I have done for her/him?”
It provides us with material to maintain our façade by showing how “noble” we are (to the outside world) under such provocation from you.


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Sounds like she may be recording your phone calls as well as 'watching.' Glad you recognize the trap.

Your daughters should know the person you really are and most want 'daddy love' no matter what the situation in the long run. 
These are tough times. Courage....


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## YourPleasure (Jun 23, 2018)

Here is that bit I was talking about

You will face repeated accusations concerning your mental health, propensity to violence, drink/drug/other addictions, multiple partners and ****tish behaviour, your neglect of the children. Invariably this is all projection;

She told me I was crazy about 6 times, also an affair I was having


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

You can't go to the police with something that happen two months ago...she is using desperate means...tell her that you will counter sue her for blackmail...and that you recorded her blackmailing you and if she carries on with that you will go to the police with the evidence...blackmailing is also illegal. Call her buff.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Stop, cowering to her threats and stop contact with her. 

Keep all the records of these threats and notify your lawyer of them, asap. 

Every good lawyer knows how to handle those threats. 

She will regret that she made them.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

1) You must talk to an atty ASAP.

2) Google "recording phone call in xx", where xx is your state and the state she is in. In some states it is legal to record a call you are on, but in others it is not legal unless everybody knows.

3) Get a recording of her explicitly blackmailing you. But talk to your atty about this.

4) Cut off all communications with her except whatever your atty approves of.

This is a legal situation now, not a domestic one. The rules according to the law are what matter, not logic or niceness or what seems like should be justice. This is why you need to be talking to a lawyer ASAP, and conduction yourself according to his/her advice. Until you can get that advice, the best thing you can do is cut off all communications with her. Don't move out either. 

I would strongly recommend you get a VAR and have it with you at any time you may have contact with your stbxw. She will likely try to manufacture some kind of fake altercation and then call the police. Plenty of women do it, and yours has told you she will! If it were me, I would have the VAR running even if it isn't strictly legal where you live. It could keep you out of jail! Note, too, that the law could depend on a lot of specific details, like where you are. Inside, outside, in your home, in your driveway, etc. Still, I'd run the VAR no matter what if she is around.

If the police show up, admit nothing. Not even tossing the Pepsi in the opposite direction of your stbxw! Don't admit to touching her, to raising your voice, having a drink years ago. Nothing. No matter how justified or innocent your actions were, it WILL be used against you, twisted by her in court to make you look like a violent drunk. Ask your lawyer what to do and say if the police show up.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

YourPleasure said:


> She also told me that she plans to call the police and have me arrested for domestic violence. 2 months ago, I was about to go to work had a pepsi in my hand, she started an argument I tossed the pepsi under hand in the front yard about 25 yards opposite direction she was at. Guess it's good that I told her not just to show up, I was kinda nervous why she would do that, I said. I told her to call, so at least I have an idea of what she is going to be trying to do anyhow.
> 
> Maybe I should just move out to a motel to save any heart ache I know she will be trying to bring me. Starting fights, trying to get an excitement out of me.
> 
> ...


Re-read all of this — especially the threats of false domestic violence claims — as many times as it takes to convince you to head to your nearest Best Buy (or whatever electronics retailer you have nearby) and pick up a VAR (i.e. voice activated recorder).

Don’t speak with her again until you’ve picked up one and configured it. And, again, research the laws where you live in order to determine whether or not you can record her without her knowledge. (I’ll bet you just about anything, by the way, that _she_ has been recording YOU.)

Look up @weightlifter’s thread titled “Standard Evidence Post” for tips on configuring the VAR.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

If HR wants to know why your phone was being used while you were at work, say you loan it to your kid/sibling/parent or wife sometimes. Or that you couldn't find it one day(or several) and found it later and realize now she must've swiped it to get you in trouble. Or that she kept a key to your car and made calls from the work parking lot.

Most phones will record their GPS coordinates, but I think that stays on the phone(i.e. not forwarded to phone co.) Even if they know that, they don't know who was talking on it.


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## Shipwrecked (Jul 9, 2018)

Also make no move to transfer funds or hide assets. Courts look on that very unfavorably when deciding division of assets. 
Private bank accounts are usually included in marital assets unless holder of account can show documentation tracing origin of funds. Inheritance, 3rd party gifts (not spousal), title/deed to asset sale that generated income. (Hope any property titles were in both your names).

RE: Alcoholism charge by wife. Did you do anything terrible while drunk? Abuse wife or children, destroy the house, get arrested? You know the drill. 
Did you make serious efforts to get sober? 
Are you really an alcoholic or just a heavy drinker? 
Many many people are showing support and respect those who have done the work to get sober. Everyone knows their can be relapses. More respect for the strength to fight for sobriety again. (Me- Alcoholic 31 yrs, Sober 13. Age 60 Been there, done it all).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Make a note of everything and keep your lawyer informed. It never ceases to amazing me how appallingly some will act.

Quite bizarre that she thinks throwing a pepsi away is abuse.


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## YourPleasure (Jun 23, 2018)

Crazy stuff here. The more I think about things and think about what she said on the phone last night the more it's obvious she is actually hiding assets as we speak and is on the hurry to do it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

YourPleasure said:


> Crazy stuff here. The more I think about things and think about what she said on the phone last night the more it's obvious she is actually hiding assets as we speak and is on the hurry to do it.


Thats why you must not agree to anything or sign anything without your lawyers advise. Can you get her charged with blackmail? Its just disgusting.


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## YourPleasure (Jun 23, 2018)

Trying to figure out if I should go to work next work week to keep that part of my life stable or if I should take Personal Time Off and go to the lawyer.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

YourPleasure said:


> Crazy stuff here. The more I think about things and think about what she said on the phone last night the more it's obvious she is actually hiding assets as we speak and is on the hurry to do it.


 Have your lawyer hire a forensic accountant to find her hidden assets. Stop talking to her on the phone. Have all comms by email then you have a written record of her blackmail threats. Read Gus's post above and get that new phone, once you have it block her number and force comms by email. Most importantly talk to your lawyer and follow his advice. Keep your cool, it will drive her nuts and give you the goods to hold over her head.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

YourPleasure said:


> Trying to figure out if I should go to work next work week to keep that part of my life stable or if I should take Personal Time Off and go to the lawyer.


Just take one day off, that's all you will need.


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## Shipwrecked (Jul 9, 2018)

Question - On an earlier thread (I think it was you) you said you had an affair with a co-worker you carpooled with. Was that you? 
If it was, I don’t believe I’ve seen it mentioned since. 
How long ago was it and how long did it last? Why did it end and how did your wife handle it (because We know she found out about it). 
Did she treat you like s*** before that? 
Just curious if she’s holding on to some unresolved anger issues or if she is just so insecure and has so little self-esteem that is trying to compensate by using her inherited ‘wealth’ as poor substitute for a sense of self-worth. She didn’t accomplish anything to earn the money and underneath she’s still the same insecure woman who tries to make herself feel more important but belittling you and putting airs. She could use therapy. There’s a wounded psyche in the


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## YourPleasure (Jun 23, 2018)

Shipwrecked said:


> Question - On an earlier thread (I think it was you) you said you had an affair with a co-worker you carpooled with. Was that you?
> If it was, I don’t believe I’ve seen it mentioned since.
> How long ago was it and how long did it last? Why did it end and how did your wife handle it (because We know she found out about it).
> Did she treat you like s*** before that?
> Just curious if she’s holding on to some unresolved anger issues or if she is just so insecure and has so little self-esteem that is trying to compensate by using her inherited ‘wealth’ as poor substitute for a sense of self-worth. She didn’t accomplish anything to earn the money and underneath she’s still the same insecure woman who tries to make herself feel more important but belittling you and putting airs. She could use therapy. There’s a wounded psyche in the


No, I did not have an affair. So "how long did it last?" never happened. 

Earlier post by you you ask about my "alcoholism" if I had destroyed house got arrested etc. No, never any sort of DUI or any legal issues. Just decided that (I was 30 then) I did not want to drink anymore. Funny I had quit for 11 years, and it was actually her that brought up that I had been "sober" for long enough that I should drink once again. Again, just don't like alcohol. So I quit again a year ago, again totally by myself. Never drank enough to have relapse issues. 

You asked, "Are you really an alcoholic or just a heavy drinker?" Uhmmmm, I don't see any other option so it's either 
1 - Am I really an Alcoholic or 
2 - just a heavy drinker 

No other option to choose from in your multiple choice questions. 



(because We know she found out about it) 
Hmmmm, I almost wonder if this could be her lawyer.... 

Just kidding


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Rubix Cubed said:


> *Have your lawyer hire a forensic accountant to find her hidden assets.* Stop talking to her on the phone. Have all comms by email then you have a written record of her blackmail threats. Read Gus's post above and get that new phone, once you have it block her number and force comms by email. Most importantly talk to your lawyer and follow his advice. Keep your cool, it will drive her nuts and give you the goods to hold over her head.


Thats a must do.

Inform your boss. They deal with this all the time.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

YourPleasure said:


> (because We know she found out about it)
> Hmmmm, I almost wonder if this could be her lawyer....


I thought it was interesting, that she seemed to know, right when you went to the Divorce attorney...

But I actually was thinking she hired a PI. But why?.....

With they way you seemed to describe her behavior, it seemed to have gotten worse of late.... enough to push you over the edge. Relatively recent increase in arrogance/self confidence, more of an attitude towards you, etc.... some things that some would say point towards... but not quite enough to say it's "smoke" but enough that a few more items and you would say it's FIRE!

So then you add the multi page letter about what is wrong with the marriage, that might be considered, "rewriting the marriage history".

So then you also add the obvious point that she knew pretty much as soon as you met with your attorney... which given the impact to the attorney of violating "attorney client privilege"; she was having you followed... 

Now add the accusation she made of you having an affair and TO ME (and my "declare it fire 1st" mind) it begins to look as though she is projecting.... 

Is it possible that she is the one having an affair, that she went away for *17 DAYS*, which is an extended period of time for anyone who's family is within driving distance... but it's not if your guilty conscience has convince you that your spouse must be cheating (just to make you feel better about your own cheating) and you want your PI to "catch them in the act"

Lastly throw in the rapid locking down & shifting of assets, the adversarial/defensive posture, and the threatening to driving you to a settlement (which seems to point to her hiding thing she that would come out in time and really hurt her in the divorce); and I tend to believe your wife is a cheater that has been following the play book but just hasn't been exposed...


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

Shipwrecked said:


> Also make no move to transfer funds or hide assets. Courts look on that very unfavorably when deciding division of assets.
> Private bank accounts are usually included in marital assets unless holder of account can show documentation tracing origin of funds. Inheritance, 3rd party gifts (not spousal), title/deed to asset sale that generated income. (Hope any property titles were in both your names).
> 
> *RE: Alcoholism charge by wife. Did you do anything terrible while drunk? Abuse wife or children, destroy the house, get arrested? You know the drill.
> ...


Wow! Since his wife said he was an alcoholic.... guess it must be true.... oh and he admitted to quitting drinking for 11yrs, not from any drinking related issue or intervention just because he didn't feel he needed it in his life... but giving the timing _it's not possible_ that he might have wanted to set an example for his children :wink2: .....

Just a thought... not sure if it has crossed anyone's mind that many people can stop drinking at will... it's funny how many preople in this country want to label every one an alcoholic. It seems a person, in the us, that has 1-2 drinks 1-2 days a week is an alcoholic (and yes I have heard recovering alcoholics say this). However, a person in France (Italy, spain, etc) who has a beer with lunch, 1-2 glasses of wine with dinner, and a shot of distilled alcohol after dinner "to help with digestion" everyday;is not an alcoholic, it's just cultural (I have heard THE SAME recovering alcoholics say this as well). 


But you forgot something....

You forgot to ask him when his wife stopped beating him.... She also said she was going to *ACCUSE* him of domestic violence.... so that must be true... Right????

Or is it just alcoholism that people are guilty until they prove the negative?


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## Shipwrecked (Jul 9, 2018)

Just wondered because you’d said she was going to use those accusations against you. 
Wondered if she actually had ‘rocks’ to throw at you if you end up in drawn out legal war. 
Comment re infidelity was my fault- assumed she was actually threatening (hence knowledge thereof). And we all know what assuming does...only excuse is insomnia and being an ass. Apologies.


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## Shipwrecked (Jul 9, 2018)

Mea culpa... Once lawyers get involved I was under the obviously mistaken belief that complete fabrication and ‘fairytale’ time was over. Apparently his wife has no problem mingling reality and fantasy. 

*And there are alcoholics who decide they’re done with it. Quantity and/or frequency alone don’t = alcoholic

Again - apologies to OP for niavely assuming some people were better humans than the acttually are.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

YourPleasure, we've heard some really crazy stories. But one thing has always prevailed - hire a lawyer, it will be the best money you ever spend in your whole life. Hire the meanest bulldog your city has. Who cares if people like them? Only pick someone who WINS. Then give him the reins and let him save your livelihood. She is no longer your friend. She is your enemy.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Turn over any blackmail threats to your attorney and a voice activated recorder should be your new best friend.


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

seadoug105 said:


> Wow! Since his wife said he was an alcoholic.... guess it must be true.... oh and he admitted to quitting drinking for 11yrs, not from any drinking related issue or intervention just because he didn't feel he needed it in his life... but giving the timing _it's not possible_ that he might have wanted to set an example for his children :wink2: .....
> 
> Just a thought... not sure if it has crossed anyone's mind that many people can stop drinking at will... it's funny how many preople in this country want to label every one an alcoholic.


This is exactly it. I'm 45, and have had any alcohol since I was 20 years old. Not a drop in 25 years now. This was not because I had a drinking problem in any way (I only ever was drunk a small handful of times, perhaps 3 or 4) but because I decided not to drink. It just didn't do it for me. Naturally, more than a few people over the years have simply assumed that the only reason a person might not drink alcohol is because they were some sort of booze-hound in the past.


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