# Living with in-laws



## Daboo (Jul 14, 2010)

My wife and I have a 9-month old baby, and we live in her parents home (for now). In this home lives her mom, dad, brother, brother's wife, my wife, my daughter, and I.

For some reason it really really bothers me when I go home and I see my mother-in-law playing with my daughter all the time, taking her out, etc. Then my wife's brother's wife plays with the kid a lot too and that bothers me also.

My wife seems to have absolutely no problems with time-sharing the kid. She is a stay-at-home mom and I work a lot. I figure I'm home so little, when I'm there, it should be our time, the wife, kid, and I; and not her parents, brother, brother's wife, etc.

But, it's impossible for me to talk to my wife about this, without being told by her that I'm weird. She thinks the baby doesn't belong to just us, but the entire family (in different ways I suppose).

I'm just going crazy with this thing and need some advice. What I'm feeling, am I just being too selfish and stingy with my daughter? What logical reasons are there for me to feel like this?


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## APter (Jul 22, 2010)

Sounds like you are very protective of your child. What you are feeling is something I have felt about my own child many times, especially when he was a baby. 

Can you set up a timeframe for getting out of that shared house and moving into your own with your wife and baby? This way, you and your wife make it on your own and having familial help with child care will be a major treat for you when it is not a daily occurrence! Is there some reason your wife can't work? It seems to me that you would not have child care expenses with her family looking after the baby while you both work. Thereby you can break away and establish your own home, use their childcare for the benefit of you, your wife, and your baby, and ultimately you may view their interactions with the baby as a blessing, not a threat. Good luck and best wishes.


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## Daboo (Jul 14, 2010)

Ok my wife has agreed to move out with me, after my complaining.

When I asked her how her parents feel about it, it appears they are not happy at all.

The reasons are pretty simple. One, they won't get to see their daughter as much. Second, they won't see their grand daughter much either. Third, they feel as if either they've done something to offend me, or that I just don't like being around them. After all, by living with them, we are saving money and everyone gets an easier life.

Logistically it appears my stance has plenty of holes, and it appears the only reason I want to move out is to satisfy my emotional needs, at the expense of the advantages I mentioned above.

So guilt is hitting me now. I feel I have to speak to my in-laws to help them understand my situation, that I really need to have my own family and we need to have our own lives.

My wife says it's better we move, since I've been complaining so much. She also is starting to feel that if this keeps up, she and I are going to have marital problems down the line.

What are your thoughts on this? Any feedback and suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


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## lil miss wifey (Sep 5, 2010)

well my brother, his gf and daughter lives with my mom currently b4 that they use to live with my other brothers and there gf's and my brother gf doesnt want the extented family on my brothers side to be around her daughter at all, we dont have a relationship with our niece we cant touch her play with her anything but i guess thats not important what is is that when the child father comes home from work he gets to spend time with his child i understand that its not ur home but if u can...... talking with the family concerning spending time with ur baby when u get home from work will really help they supposed to understand, if not there mean people and u should get ur own place for sure although it may be very difficult but u get the point ur wife or gf supposed to understand as well because its not easy being the outside person among the entire family if u want to u can take her and ur baby to ur family house for a weekend so she will experience how it feels to understand how u feel good luck again ur the only one who really knows what ur going through tho


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

I have been married for over 30 years without any major problems. We used to live in a guesthouse in the back of my in-laws house during the first 2 years of our marriage. My husband and I always get into a fight because of his parents. These fights normally begin with what his parents wanted, rather than what I wanted. (I was always the odd woman out.) This include dinner and party arrangements that we have to attend, although I've been "dog-bone" tired. Both of us were working full-time in management. In hindsight, my husband's excuse of having saved money is a lame one. He did not want to grow up! We spent our savings anyway, vacationing to get away from his folks. If we stayed there, we would have been divorced.

You really need to move. You cannot form a real family without your own space and privacy. In the long run you can make your family happier when you are happier.


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