# Having someone else is not always wrong.



## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

I'm seeing someone else because me and my husband do not have sex because of his illness and his erectile dysfunction. I don't feel like what I am doing is wrong because I told him that I am not going without sex because its my stress buster. He don't like to discuss the fact that he is the reason for our sexless marriage. So to keep the arguments down I started seeing someone, whom I told him my situation and he understands it and told me it a has to be very hard for me. Its hard being married and not being able to be intimate with your spouse because he has issues that he can't change. I want him to agree to an open marriage, but that's it. I don't want a divorce.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

There's nothing in it for him to have an open marriage. You should divorce and stop the chaos you'll get from involving other people and hurting other people as well as your husband. I guess there's some financial benefit to you staying married or you wouldn't.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Teacher29today said:


> I'm seeing someone else because me and my husband do not have sex because of his illness and his erectile dysfunction. I don't feel like what I am doing is wrong because I told him that I am not going without sex because its my stress buster. He don't like to discuss the fact that he is the reason for our sexless marriage. So to keep the arguments down I started seeing someone, whom I told him my situation and he understands it and told me it a has to be very hard for me. Its hard being married and not being able to be intimate with your spouse because he has issues that he can't change. I want him to agree to an open marriage, but that's it. I don't want a divorce.


Many years ago, I met a wonderful woman who I became good friends with. She was married to a much older man, and for whatever reason, they could no longer have sex. She was with someone else, like he became her boyfriend. I think the husband was aware of it, but they didn't really talk about the boyfriend at all. The woman said she didn't want to leave her husband because he was a good man and had always been good to her. 

I think your situation is a hard one for both of you. You say your husband's condition won't change, and you need sex. I can't see any other alternative. I take it your husband is not open to the idea of an 'open marriage'? If he is not open to allowing you an open marriage, and that's his right, then you also have the right to end the marriage and move on with someone that can give you what you ask.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Teacher29today said:


> I'm seeing someone else because me and my husband do not have sex because of his illness and his erectile dysfunction. I don't feel like what I am doing is wrong because I told him that I am not going without sex because its my stress buster. He don't like to discuss the fact that he is the reason for our sexless marriage. So to keep the arguments down I started seeing someone, whom I told him my situation and he understands it and told me it a has to be very hard for me. Its hard being married and not being able to be intimate with your spouse because he has issues that he can't change. I want him to agree to an open marriage, but that's it. I don't want a divorce.


So your H has an issue he can't resolve not matter what. Your answer is an seeing someone else and that makes it ok because you H can't perform. Did you tell your H you already are seeing someone else?
If your H does not want an open marriage then divorce. Your not wanting to divorce and seeing other people makes you a cake eater. Give the man a divorce.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> I'm seeing someone else because me and my husband do not have sex because of his illness and his erectile dysfunction. I don't feel like what I am doing is wrong because I told him that I am not going without sex because its my stress buster. He don't like to discuss the fact that he is the reason for our sexless marriage. So to keep the arguments down I started seeing someone, whom I told him my situation and he understands it and told me it a has to be very hard for me. Its hard being married and not being able to be intimate with your spouse because he has issues that he can't change. I want him to agree to an open marriage, but that's it. I don't want a divorce.


Did you tell your husband? If you didn't then it's wrong.

And your silly headline on this post doesn't make it right. Besides you know it's wrong, why else would you post it on some marriage board. I makes me wonder who are you trying to convince?

It's also short sided (I am trying to be nice and not say stupid), what if you end of catching feelings for this guy, then what? Maybe he won't want to be second in your life.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

It might not be wrong if he agrees to it (I'm not gonna judge open marriages, even though there are a lot of pitfalls) but it sounds a lot like you didn't get the green light before you started seeing someone else...

That sounds like just cheating.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Read both threads!


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Mr. Nail said:


> Read both threads!


I just read it. Thank you!


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Read both threads!


Oops. Sorry, I read this one first. I take it back - I can't tell you what to do but how can you trust him with anything if he lied about something that could potentially impact your future and sex life and safety and ability to have kids? Are you officially separated? If not I'd make that a first priority as it seems like he is not ok with you seeing others and he broke your trust in a major way.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Teacher29today said:


> I'm seeing someone else because me and my husband do not have sex because of his illness and his erectile dysfunction. I don't feel like what I am doing is wrong because I told him that I am not going without sex because its my stress buster. He don't like to discuss the fact that he is the reason for our sexless marriage. So to keep the arguments down I started seeing someone, whom I told him my situation and he understands it and told me it a has to be very hard for me. Its hard being married and not being able to be intimate with your spouse because he has issues that he can't change. I want him to agree to an open marriage, but that's it. I don't want a divorce.


You have multiple options which all have different potential outcomes. 
1. Your husband agrees to and open marriage. You go on freely having sex with other people.
There are multiple potential outcomes to this. Everything is fine, you stayed married and you husband is fine with it. You fall in love with some other man and leave your husband. After a while your husband decides he was never OK with it and can't get over it and divorces you. Other variations of these.

2. Your husband doesn't agree, you have sex with other people anyway. Potential outcomes 1. Your husband finds out and divorces you. 2. Your husband finds out and decides to accept it. 3 Your husband never finds out and all live happily ever after. 4. You husband doesn't find out but you fall in love and leave him anyway.

3. You find a way to have a sexual relationship with your husband that doesn't involve PIV sex. You use toys oral whatever together. Potential outcomes. 1. You have a satisfying sex life with your husband. 2. You decide toys and oral are not enough and revert to option 2. 

The options and potential outcomes are plentiful. The number of possible negative outcomes to an open marriage are far greater than the positive ones even if your husband is on board.


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

joannacroc said:


> It might not be wrong if he agrees to it (I'm not gonna judge open marriages, even though there are a lot of pitfalls) but it sounds a lot like you didn't get the green light before you started seeing someone else...
> 
> That sounds like just cheating.


No, I did not get the greenlight before I chose to so it. But he also didn't give me the greenlight about the the disease he had before we got married. I found out why he wanted to practice abstinence before marry and why we still can't have sex after marriage. I was deceived. He lied to me and I can't put myself at risk for him. He deny me sex before I found out what he had and now I understand why. I just can't be intimate with my husband, its the worst thing any married person would find out about their husband. I'm considering a divorce.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Mr. Nail said:


> Read both threads!


OK so what is really wrong it you want to stay married to this awful person. Why? You also founds someone else you like, just freak'n divorce and move on.

Honestly you don't make any sense. You are basically dating to create the kind of relationship you want in a marriage. But you don't want to divorce when your marriage is set up like a platonic friendship. But you are unhappy enough in that marriage to date someone else? And you have only known the guy for 2 years and haven't had sex with him ever anyway so that is all it's ever been is a friendship. And he lied to you on top of that, dude is a fraud!

Why not just readjust your relationships to fit what they are. Divorce your husband and have the honest version of the platonic relationship you have (if you still want that even though he is a phony), and then you will be free to pursue a romantic relationship that is healthy and fits the context of marriage better.

Talk about self defeating?

Is the financial security you have in the marriage worth so much to you that you are willing to give up the prospects of a normal healthy marriage?

I guess you don't want kids either?

Makes no sense. Desperate to keep dysfunctional platonic marriage, but willing to pursue potential full sexual relationship in a context where it can only be dysfunctional.

What are you doing?!

My head hurts.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

Teacher29today said:


> No, I did not get the greenlight before I chose to so it. But he also didn't give me the greenlight about the the disease he had before we got married. I found out why he wanted to practice abstinence before marry and why we still can't have sex after marriage. I was deceived. He lied to me and I can't put myself at risk for him. He deny me sex before I found out what he had and now I understand why. I just can't be intimate with my husband, its the worst thing any married person would find out about their husband. *I'm considering a divorce*.


Why only considering? I don't understand.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

so why don't you just divorce him?


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Did you tell your husband? If you didn't then it's wrong.
> 
> And your silly headline on this post doesn't make it right. Besides you know it's wrong, why else would you post it on some marriage board. I makes me wonder who are you trying to convince?
> 
> It's also short sided (I am trying to be nice and not say stupid), what if you end of catching feelings for this guy, then what? Maybe he won't want to be second in your life.


When your not in my shoes you can't say its silly or wrong. No, I think him lying is wrong. He dug this ditch and now he has to lay in it. I consider myself a support system for him because he want me to keep his illness a secret. Its much bigger than you think. My health could be damaged of life if I had sex with him. My husband has set me up for failure in this marriage. But I have to be there for him if he get sick. Its not just about sex its about support.


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

manfromlamancha said:


> so why don't you just divorce him?


I am considering divorce. I just want people to know you can't trust people and to make sure you know there medical background before marriage. People will look you in the eyes and lie to you just to get what they want not knowing their going to loose you once you find out their truth.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> When your not in my shoes you can't say its silly or wrong. No, I think him lying is wrong. He dug this ditch and now he has to lay in it. I consider myself a support system for him because he want me to keep his illness a secret. Its much bigger than you think. My health could be damaged of life if I had sex with him. My husband has set me up for failure in this marriage. But I have to be there for him if he get sick. Its not just about sex its about support.


You can do all that an just be a good friend (which is all you are anyway, you don't have to be his wife. You don't need vows or to live with him. 

And why do you HAVE to be there, you have only known him a year, what did he do before he met you. 

I think you are still being duped. I suspect if you moved on, this dude would move on to his next mark. Someone who keeps HIV secret from the person he marries is not a good person and doesn't deserve to be nursed over by the person he defrauded. 

I hope this is not all guilt driven, because that is some ********, and you deserve much better. 

You also are destroying your own honor by cheating to try to fulfill a vow you made under false pretenses. 

Frankly the most honest and best course of action at least in my mind would be to get an annulment. If there was ever a situation that fit that, this would be it.


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

happyhusband0005 said:


> You have multiple options which all have different potential outcomes.
> 1. Your husband agrees to and open marriage. You go on freely having sex with other people.
> There are multiple potential outcomes to this. Everything is fine, you stayed married and you husband is fine with it. You fall in love with some other man and leave your husband. After a while your husband decides he was never OK with it and can't get over it and divorces you. Other variations of these.
> 
> ...


1. Your husband agrees to and open marriage. You go on freely having sex with other people.
There are multiple potential outcomes to this. Everything is fine, you stayed married and you husband is fine with it. You fall in love with some other man and leave your husband. After a while your husband decides he was never OK with it and can't get over it and divorces you. Other variations of these.

2. Your husband doesn't agree, you have sex with other people anyway. Potential outcomes 1. Your husband finds out and divorces you. 2. Your husband finds out and decides to accept it. 3 Your husband never finds out and all live happily ever after. 4. You husband doesn't find out but you fall in love and leave him anyway. Eventually, this will lead to a divorce because I only want to be with one man like I always have been. I don't want the STD that he has and that it. My husband is a liar and he is not worth my health. God protected me from him before and after marriage. All of the time I was wondering why he wouldn't or couldn't have sex with me. I prayed and asked God to reveal to me my husband secret to why he has sex issues. An BOOM, God sent him to the ER I was with him and the Doctor asked him had he been taking his meds for the STD in front of me. This happen right after we got married. So NO man is worth my health. He stared crying when I found out. I'm sick of this evil plot in got me in.

3. You find a way to have a sexual relationship with your husband that doesn't involve PIV sex. You use toys oral whatever together. Potential outcomes. 1. You have a satisfying sex life with your husband. 2. You decide toys and oral are not enough and revert to option 2. 

The options and potential outcomes are plentiful. The number of possible negative outcomes to an open marriage are far greater than the positive ones even if your husband is on board.


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

sokillme said:


> You can do all that an just be a good friend (which is all you are anyway, you don't have to be his wife. You don't need vows or to live with him.
> 
> And why do you HAVE to be there, you have only known him a year, what did he do before he met you.
> 
> ...


I agree. This is affecting my spiritual relationship with God and I want to be in a healthy marriage.


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

Teacher29today said:


> I agree. This is affecting my spiritual relationship with God and I want to be in a healthy marriage.


Deep down inside I believe he's going to deceive someone else and could possibly pass it to someone, he's really a nice person but he don't care about lying just to make himself look normal. God wouldn't let him touch me, and I thank him for it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> I am considering divorce. I just want people to know you can't trust people and to make sure you know there medical background before marriage. People will look you in the eyes and lie to you just to get what they want not knowing their going to loose you once you find out their truth.


Look I know I sound like I am being hard on you, and my first post was made from the perspective of not understanding you situation fully because I hadn't read the other post. It seemed more like one were it's a long term marriage and dude is just sick, that is very different then entering a marriage under false pretenses like your husband did. Hell I wouldn't even have a problem if he knew it was now open and accepted it. I would still think it's would be mistake on your part because eventually you might meet someone you want to marry and you will have started that relationship in less then ideal grounds. Relationships are hard enough as it is, without having to negotiate your platonic husband into the mix. 

All that said, your situation is very very extreme. I think you are in shock, which I think might contribute to some of the disconnect with some of our responses and how you feel. I mean this quote is true but the vast majority of people will never have something like what you had happen to you. It's pretty obvious that you were intentionally duped by this guy. And it's not your fault. Something is very wrong with a person who could do this. He is not a good choice even ignoring the sexual stuff.

Maybe if you start to believe that this kind of thing is so common that you can never trust anyone that explains why you are not quick to divorce. But even in marriages where people are serial cheaters, they don't lie about abstinence, to protect there HIV status. Nah this is just a really bad situation and an outlier. 

I think you should try to look at this like just some very bad luck that you ended up meeting this con-artist. Get and annulment and move on. It's only 2 years of your entire life. Actually some people spend decades in a marriage that ends badly. This is not the end of your life at all, it's just 2 years. It also says nothing about you except you trusted the wrong person. 

You don't have to hold onto this for any reason, guilt or fear.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> I agree. This is affecting my spiritual relationship with God and I want to be in a healthy marriage.


My friend, you are not going to be if you stay married to him. Look you picked a lemon. It happens. Maybe you work on your picker, but you don't spend the rest of your life with the person who lied to you to get you to marry. If he was a con-artist who stole all your money would you be expected to stay married to him? It's the same thing. And it's atypical, you don't need to fear that all men are like this. This guy has some serious issues. 

You can even still be friends with him if you absolutely must, though I would be very careful, this guy is a very big liar and it would be wise to give someone like that any power in your life, which incidentally is a very good reason why you should divorce him. You are not safe being married so someone who could do this. 

But you know all this. Stop dating this dude you met, get and annulment, then find someone else who isn't cool with sleeping with married women (or you will be making the same type of mistake, except in this case you know better.)


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> Deep down inside I believe he's going to deceive someone else and could possibly pass it to someone, he's really a nice person but he don't care about lying just to make himself look normal. God wouldn't let him touch me, and I thank him for it.


Nice people don't do that. You need to brake out of your spell and see this guy for what he really is. He is not a victim he is an abuser. Again he is not all that different then the guy who marries a women for her life savings and then runs away. Not nice at all.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I cut off an old friend I'd had for 40 years because she cheated on her husband as he lay terminal from cancer for years. And just with anybody. She was a narcissist and attention ho deluxe. It was okay when she was young and easy to get attention. At 60, it's just not acceptable. She wanted to gossip with me about it, and then she was jumping on every opportunity to have an excuse to call a married guy I knew, and I just told her why and cut her off. Her husband was a saint to put up with her bipolar and narcissism all those years, but she couldn't wait to get attention like a teenager until he was gone, which he now is. At 60, you ought to be able to keep it in your pants.

Younger than that, you both ought to have a chance at a new life, not just one of you.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Teacher29today said:


> me and my husband do not have sex because of his illness and his erectile dysfunction. he understands it and told me* it has to be very hard for me*.


That's why you're getting it somewhere else.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Teacher29today said:


> No, I did not get the greenlight before I chose to so it. But he also didn't give me the greenlight about the the disease he had before we got married. I found out why he wanted to practice abstinence before marry and why we still can't have sex after marriage. I was deceived. He lied to me and I can't put myself at risk for him. He deny me sex before I found out what he had and now I understand why. I just can't be intimate with my husband, its the worst thing any married person would find out about their husband. I'm considering a divorce.


Good grief just get a divorce. There is no good outcome here if you stay together.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Teacher29today said:


> No, I did not get the greenlight before I chose to so it. But he also didn't give me the greenlight about the the disease he had before we got married. I found out why he wanted to practice abstinence before marry and why we still can't have sex after marriage. I was deceived. He lied to me and I can't put myself at risk for him. He deny me sex before I found out what he had and now I understand why. I just can't be intimate with my husband, its the worst thing any married person would find out about their husband. I'm considering a divorce.


If he lied then divorce your husband. Two wrongs don't make it right.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Why don't you stick to one thread? Geez.

Just get a divorce.

Your thread title is aggressive.

Two wrongs don't necessarily make a right.


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## Trident (May 23, 2018)

Two wrongs don't make a right.

_(I'm just trying to fit in)_


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> No, I did not get the greenlight before I chose to so it. But he also didn't give me the greenlight about the the disease he had before we got married. I found out why he wanted to practice abstinence before marry and why we still can't have sex after marriage. I was deceived. He lied to me and I can't put myself at risk for him. He deny me sex before I found out what he had and now I understand why. I just can't be intimate with my husband, its the worst thing any married person would find out about their husband. I'm considering a divorce.


So taking into account your other thread, just end the marriage first and then you can date again. Its rather confusing that you have two threads and they both say different things. Its wrong for you to be seeing another man while you are still married, cant you wait a few monnths?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> When your not in my shoes you can't say its silly or wrong. No, I think him lying is wrong. He dug this ditch and now he has to lay in it. I consider myself a support system for him because he want me to keep his illness a secret. Its much bigger than you think. My health could be damaged of life if I had sex with him. My husband has set me up for failure in this marriage. But I have to be there for him if he get sick. Its not just about sex its about support.


No you dont have to be there for him. He is a big boy now and can look after himself. You cheating isnt right, just end the marriage legally.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Of course it’s not wrong if both sides know and agree.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> I agree. This is affecting my spiritual relationship with God and I want to be in a healthy marriage.


End the marriage. Yes it will affect your relationship with God because you are basically lying and cheating.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Teacher29today said:


> I agree. This is affecting my spiritual relationship with God and I want to be in a healthy marriage.


The Catholic church has got to be the most stringent in the world about divorce and I'm 100% certain you could have your marriage annulled. Perhaps you are not Catholic or even Christian so maybe don't care, but you should know that the greatest theologians in history would be on your side. 

Cheating is always immoral. Please don't let this effect your relationship with God- it really shouldn't. Go talk to a priest if you want to find out how the church would feel about this for certain. In my experience, this is definitely grounds for an annulment. Best wishes.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Teacher29today said:


> I am considering divorce. I just want people to know you can't trust people and to make sure you know there medical background before marriage. People will look you in the eyes and lie to you just to get what they want not knowing their going to loose you once you find out their truth.


Then you get an annulment, you don't do this.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

@*Teacher29today,* I suspect these two threads you started today were really really hard for you to read. It sucks that this happened to you. You know what though, it doesn't make you anything else but normal. Everyone is duped at least once in their life, and all that says about them is that they were courageous and open enough to give people a chance. That is a good thing, it's a strength not a weakness. With the right guy that will bring joy to your life, not sorrow. You were just unfortunate enough to have the person duping you be someone you fell in love with. It happens.

This is a very hard thing you are going through right now, but you are going to be OK. Don't let how dirty someone else did you, effect your relationship with God or yourself.

You can do this. If you feel down or need help post on here and we can all tell you our stories of how we were fooled too. We all survived. The pain went away. So will it be for you.

Courage my friend. Nothing good in life comes without it.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

I agree you need to divorce this slug. He'll never be able, and probably does not want, to service a women. Who knows, he may be a little more attracted to men. In the meantime my advice is analogous to a buddy of mine who blew the engine on his daily driver truck towing a 5th wheel through Atlanta. The engine replacement cost more than another truck and he simply took Uber until he found a suitable replacement. You see where I'm going with this. Relax and take care of your needs. He's the one that not up to the task. If he doesn't cotton to what your doing, and he divorces you, who cares. Less work on you're part


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Teacher29today said:


> I'm seeing someone else because me and my husband do not have sex because of his illness and his erectile dysfunction. I don't feel like what I am doing is wrong because I told him that I am not going without sex because its my stress buster. He don't like to discuss the fact that he is the reason for our sexless marriage. So to keep the arguments down I started seeing someone, whom I told him my situation and he understands it and told me it a has to be very hard for me. Its hard being married and not being able to be intimate with your spouse because he has issues that he can't change. I want him to agree to an open marriage, but that's it. I don't want a divorce.


Ok, so I read your other post too. Your husband married you under false pretenses and you’ve never even had sex, so why not get an annulment? What reason would you have for staying in a fake marriage? 

The cheating... well you’re just punishing yourself with that, and any good man isn’t going to have an affair and play second fiddle, so you’re keeping yourself from a healthy relationship. I suspect you’re trying to act out and punish your husband, but you’re punishing yourself. Get out, hit the reset button, and have a real relationship with a real man. Maybe take the car for a test drive before you purchase it the next time.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Teacher29today said:


> Deep down inside I believe he's going to deceive someone else and could possibly pass it to someone, he's really a nice person but he don't care about lying just to make himself look normal. God wouldn't let him touch me, and I thank him for it.


Are you saying you are staying in this fake marriage to save people from getting his disease?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

So far from what I understand:

Your husband lied about having HIV before marriage and now cannot have sex with you for fear of you catching it.

You want sex (understandably) and are sleeping with someone else to fulfill your sexual needs even while you are still married to your husband and without him knowing about it.

You create a thread on a marriage forum and say that sometimes its OK to have affairs (and they are not all bad) !?!?

You don't want to divorce him because (a) you want to uphold your marital vows in sickness and in health and care for his needs while he is ill AND (b) as a service to other women in case he does this with someone else?!?!?!? Certainly not for any financial stability or other such reasons, right? This is incredible!!!!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Teacher29today said:


> No, I did not get the greenlight before I chose to so it. But he also didn't give me the greenlight about the the disease he had before we got married. I found out why he wanted to practice abstinence before marry and why we still can't have sex after marriage. I was deceived. He lied to me and I can't put myself at risk for him. He deny me sex before I found out what he had and now I understand why. I just can't be intimate with my husband, its the worst thing any married person would find out about their husband. I'm considering a divorce.


Not sure why you have two separate threads for this? 

Given the deception on his part prior to the marriage, hiding that he was HIV positive, you need to get out. How could you ever trust this guy? It's only been a year; time for you to put this behind you.

But you should not be acting out while still married. He can't be true to you, but you can be true to yourself. Treat yourself with some respect; divorce and then find someone new. You are cheapening something very special about marriage or long term relationships in general if you believe sex on the side is ok, for any reason.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Look here is the bottom line, what you are clearly doing is meeting his deception with your own,,,a tit for tat strategy...yes I would be angry in your shoes as well but this passive aggressive behavior will not work, you need to divorce under false representation and potential body harm (his hiv) and have it annulled...and restart your life....you are still young and have time for a real relationship....this is not who want to be.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Look here is the bottom line, what you are clearly doing is meeting his deception with your own,,,a tit for tat strategy...yes I would be angry in your shoes as well but this passive aggressive behavior will not work, you need to divorce under false representation and potential body harm (his hiv) and have it annulled...and restart your life....you are still young and have time for a real relationship....this is not who want to be.


 I agree with the above except that I would not call it passive agressive - it is very much active agressive - she is sleeping with someone else not just threatening to do it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Teacher29today said:


> I'm seeing someone else because me and my husband do not have sex because of his illness and his erectile dysfunction. I don't feel like what I am doing is wrong because I told him that I am not going without sex because its my stress buster. He don't like to discuss the fact that he is the reason for our sexless marriage. So to keep the arguments down I started seeing someone, whom I told him my situation and he understands it and told me it a has to be very hard for me. Its hard being married and not being able to be intimate with your spouse because he has issues that he can't change. I want him to agree to an open marriage, but that's it. I don't want a divorce.


This is an absolutely crazy and horrible thing to do. I read your other thread. He married you without you knowing he had HIV.
He did wrong, therefore it’s an annulment not a divorce.

This man did a bad thing, but he should be set free to find someone to be happy with and love, and that’s not you. There are asexual or hiv + peoooe that might be a perfect match for him, as long as he is up frontwith his illness.

what you are doing is absolutely wrong and if you are religious, would be very wrong in that aspect as well.

Just have your marriage annulled and move on. Don’t punish the man in this way.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Teacher29today said:


> No, I did not get the greenlight before I chose to so it. But he also didn't give me the greenlight about the the disease he had before we got married. I found out why he wanted to practice abstinence before marry and why we still can't have sex after marriage. I was deceived. He lied to me and I can't put myself at risk for him. He deny me sex before I found out what he had and now I understand why. I just can't be intimate with my husband, its the worst thing any married person would find out about their husband. I'm considering a divorce.


Divorce or annulment is the way to go, not cheating.

Non consummation of marriage is grounds for annulment or divorce depending on where you are.

Get out and find a man who has working equipment and isn't a liar.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

I never understand why posters tell half the story in one post and the other half in another post....

anyhow... just get a divorce. He lied to you about something huge... WTF was in it for him? Did he think he’d go on forever not having sex and keeping HIV a secret??

divorce. Sell the house. Move on with your life.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

How can you so blatantly cheat on your husband and have a relationship with God?

It doesn’t work like that.

The marriage vows were for better or worse, in sickness and health.

Not if my husband has ED I can find someone else to ****.

I wonder if it was the other way around and you were unable to have sex, would your husband cheat on you?

Really feel bad for your husband. It doesn’t sound like you even tried to work this out with him medically. You just did the, I need sex what are you doing to fix this route.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> I am considering divorce. I just want people to know you can't trust people and to make sure you know there medical background before marriage. People will look you in the eyes and lie to you just to get what they want not knowing their going to loose you once you find out their truth.


So your husband has always had ED?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> No, I did not get the greenlight before I chose to so it. But he also didn't give me the greenlight about the the disease he had before we got married. I found out why he wanted to practice abstinence before marry and why we still can't have sex after marriage. I was deceived. He lied to me and I can't put myself at risk for him. He deny me sex before I found out what he had and now I understand why. I just can't be intimate with my husband, its the worst thing any married person would find out about their husband. I'm considering a divorce.


This could have been in your first post.

So you and your husband have never had sex.

Why didn’t you just end the marriage then?

Why start cheating?

One bad decision after another.

You should stop having sex with the OM.

Talk with your support group at church.

Get a divorce or annulment.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

You sound just like a woman I had a few years back. BH had been injured on a construction site. He could not perform, and she saw it as an excuse to have an affair. He caught on early. She was all smiles at home telling him that they would make it through this tough time. Truth was he was healing and he felt no inclination toward keeping her as a wife. He just wanted to **** her over entirely before leaving. While she went out with OM under the pretence off working late, he was rearranging their finances, and best yet, he was due a seven figure settlement, which was put into abeyance. Dday was fairly spectacular, in that he had her served at OMs house. He threw a lawsuit at OM as well. WW and OM are then exposed. She is painted as someone who abandoned her injured husband for a quick lay with a lowlife. It was better than having the scarlet A tattooed on her forehead. She could not go grocery shopping without a snide comment. She got a very large surprise a week after the D went final, ex was awarded a very significant settlement. Oh, and he was out of the wheelchair, on a cane and headed for recovery, with one of the girls from my firm. They have a lovely home north of here, his ex WW is still around. She is unemployed on and off. She drives by his house these days, on her way to and from her cheap apartment.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Taxman said:


> You sound just like a woman I had a few years back. BH had been injured on a construction site. He could not perform, and she saw it as an excuse to have an affair. He caught on early. She was all smiles at home telling him that they would make it through this tough time. Truth was he was healing and he felt no inclination toward keeping her as a wife. He just wanted to **** her over entirely before leaving. While she went out with OM under the pretence off working late, he was rearranging their finances, and best yet, he was due a seven figure settlement, which was put into abeyance. Dday was fairly spectacular, in that he had her served at OMs house. He threw a lawsuit at OM as well. WW and OM are then exposed. She is painted as someone who abandoned her injured husband for a quick lay with a lowlife. It was better than having the scarlet A tattooed on her forehead. She could not go grocery shopping without a snide comment. She got a very large surprise a week after the D went final, ex was awarded a very significant settlement. Oh, and he was out of the wheelchair, on a cane and headed for recovery, with one of the girls from my firm. They have a lovely home north of here, his ex WW is still around. She is unemployed on and off. She drives by his house these days, on her way to and from her cheap apartment.


Let us know when your book is published. Maybe ‘Confessions of a Taxman’ or ‘Tales from the Tax—side’ as the title? Just a hopeful suggestion.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Taxman said:


> You sound just like a woman I had a few years back. BH had been injured on a construction site. He could not perform, and she saw it as an excuse to have an affair. He caught on early. She was all smiles at home telling him that they would make it through this tough time. Truth was he was healing and he felt no inclination toward keeping her as a wife. He just wanted to **** her over entirely before leaving. While she went out with OM under the pretence off working late, he was rearranging their finances, and best yet, he was due a seven figure settlement, which was put into abeyance. Dday was fairly spectacular, in that he had her served at OMs house. He threw a lawsuit at OM as well. WW and OM are then exposed. She is painted as someone who abandoned her injured husband for a quick lay with a lowlife. It was better than having the scarlet A tattooed on her forehead. She could not go grocery shopping without a snide comment. She got a very large surprise a week after the D went final, ex was awarded a very significant settlement. Oh, and he was out of the wheelchair, on a cane and headed for recovery, with one of the girls from my firm. They have a lovely home north of here, his ex WW is still around. She is unemployed on and off. She drives by his house these days, on her way to and from her cheap apartment.


I have read so many of your posts. They always make me smile. Have you any experiences with cases of alienation of affections?


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

ABHale said:


> This could have been in your first post.
> 
> So you and your husband have never had sex.
> 
> ...


I'm searching for an attorney to see if I can get an annulment.


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

ABHale said:


> How can you so blatantly cheat on your husband and have a relationship with God?
> 
> It doesn’t work like that.
> 
> ...


My husband not only has ED but I found out when he got sick that he has HIV and six months into this marriage I found out he has Herpes his doctor mailed the herpes prescription to our address. God revealed to me another secret he was yet keeping from me. So before you feel sorry for a liar and a deceiver just know that the devil will send people to cause you to sin. That's why I'm planning my annulment or divorce as we speak. So, I'm not a cheater he doesn't deserve me and he is not good for me.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Teacher29today said:


> My husband not only has ED but I found out when he got sick that he has HIV and six months into this marriage I found out he has Herpes his doctor mailed the herpes prescription to our address. God revealed to me another secret he was yet keeping from me. So before you feel sorry for a liar and a deceiver just know that the devil will send people to cause you to sin. That's why I'm planning my annulment or divorce as we speak. So, I'm not a cheater he doesn't deserve me and he is not good for me.


😳


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Teacher29today said:


> I agree. This is affecting my spiritual relationship with God and I want to be in a healthy marriage.


My sister had an affair and she told me she could not feel God any more. I was like, "Ya Think!!!" She went from childrens sunday school teacher to npt feeling connection to God....well sis when you are in adultry, God can not look upon you. If she had died while in her affair, she would have condemned herself to hell as an unrepentant adultress.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Teacher29today said:


> My husband not only has ED but I found out when he got sick that he has HIV and six months into this marriage I found out he has Herpes his doctor mailed the herpes prescription to our address. God revealed to me another secret he was yet keeping from me. So before you feel sorry for a liar and a deceiver just know that the devil will send people to cause you to sin. That's why I'm planning my annulment or divorce as we speak. So, I'm not a cheater he doesn't deserve me and he is not good for me.


So you are not having sex with OM?


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## Teacher29today (Feb 11, 2021)

Teacher29today said:


> My husband not only has ED but I found out when he got sick that he has HIV and six months into this marriage I found out he has Herpes his doctor mailed the herpes prescription to our address. God revealed to me another secret he was yet keeping from me. So before you feel sorry for a liar and a deceiver just know that the devil will send people to cause you to sin. That's why I'm planning my annulment or divorce as we speak. So, I'm not a cheater he doesn't deserve me and he is not good for me.





Torninhalf said:


> 😳


And that’s my honest to God truth about this mess I’m in.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Teacher29today said:


> And that’s my honest to God truth about this mess I’m in.


I don’t feel sorry for your husband at all. Not even a little, but you do need to just get out of this and not have affairs. I hope you can get it annulled. Your (soon to be ex/never was) husband is sick in the head for sure.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Teacher29today said:


> My husband not only has ED but I found out when he got sick that he has HIV and six months into this marriage I found out he has Herpes his doctor mailed the herpes prescription to our address. God revealed to me another secret he was yet keeping from me. *So before you feel sorry for a liar and a deceiver just know that the devil will send people to cause you to sin.* That's why I'm planning my annulment or divorce as we speak. So, I'm not a cheater he doesn't deserve me and he is not good for me.


This is not the way many of us choose to look at it. The devil will tempt you to sin. Not cause you to sin. We retain free will. We make our own choices.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Teacher29today said:


> My husband not only has ED but I found out when he got sick that he has HIV and six months into this marriage I found out he has Herpes his doctor mailed the herpes prescription to our address. God revealed to me another secret he was yet keeping from me. So before you feel sorry for a liar and a deceiver just know that the devil will send people to cause you to sin. That's why I'm planning my annulment or divorce as we speak. So, I'm not a cheater he doesn't deserve me and he is not good for me.


You are still married.

The devil didn’t make you do it. You chose to.

You husband is definitely in the wrong for hiding everything that was wrong with him. He should have never married you without disclosing it. Which would have ended up with there being no marriage.

I am not talking your husband’s side in this. You should take him for everything you can in the divorce for what he has put you through.

That still doesn’t make your cheating right, it just hurts you as a person. I understand why you feel you had the right to cheat, it doesn’t make it right.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

QuietRiot said:


> Let us know when your book is published. Maybe ‘Confessions of a Taxman’ or ‘Tales from the Tax—side’ as the title? Just a hopeful suggestion.


Maybe in a decade after a few people have shuffled off this mortal coil and I a, fairly certain retribution would not befall me.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Torninhalf said:


> I have read so many of your posts. They always make me smile. Have you any experiences with cases of alienation of affections?


Where I practice AofA is not a viable legal avenue. I have at conferences (AICPA) talked to other guys in the business and they related several stories where the affair partner lost significant assets. Best was the AP was her boss. Nice little IT consultancy. BH sued for alienation, he won. His ex and her lover watched as her reason for monkey branching was ripped away. Guess who tried to ask for reconciliation.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Taxman said:


> Where I practice AofA is not a viable legal avenue. I have at conferences (AICPA) talked to other guys in the business and they related several stories where the affair partner lost significant assets. Best was the AP was her boss. Nice little IT consultancy. BH sued for alienation, he won. His ex and her lover watched as her reason for monkey branching was ripped away. Guess who tried to ask for reconciliation.


😂😂


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