# Is it rude to..



## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

I could have posted this in either the mens or ladies forum because it goes for both sex's.

Is it rude of your spouse to continuously text while your;
A) Having a conversation?
B) Out to dinner and trying to enjoy each other?
C) On an outing together (shopping, playing, working, etc)?

I look forward to your comments.

WHN


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Extremely! I have been known to tell people while I'm in their presence, they need to forget they even have text messaging. I don't text while I'm in other people's company and I expect others to show me the same respect. My teenagers really have a hard time with this basic principle....but I insist.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

People who are rude like this are also intolerant of what YOU do.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

Whatshisname said:


> I could have posted this in either the mens or ladies forum because it goes for both sex's.
> 
> Is it rude of your spouse to continuously text while your;
> A) Having a conversation?
> ...


 I always leave our cell phones in the car, keeps the peace and frankly texting is a very obnoxious addicting habit. You can keep twitter to, I don't care if you got anal bleaching done today at 2:37 Pm and its awesome. I really just don't care, and neither should you !


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

It's not just rude, it's very disrespectful. The message they're really conveying is that whomever they are texting is more interesting and more important than you are. If they'd prefer the company of someone else, let them go there and you can find someone to converse with, eat with, or go on outings with, who will give you their undivided attention.


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## DepressedHusband (Apr 22, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> It's not just rude, it's very disrespectful. The message they're really conveying is that whomever they are texting is more interesting and more important than you are. If they'd prefer the company of someone else, let them go there and you can find someone to converse with, eat with, or go on outings with, who will give you their undivided attention.


 at my age I am willing to pay for that privelage in small blocks of time. 

j/k but its tempting.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*The erosion of respect*

Whatshisname,

After a LOT of observation I came up with the list below. I think it represents a common list of "little" things a "strong" partner may subconsciously do to "take control" of a relationship. Allowing the pattern below to become "normal" is a disaster. 

Focus/prioritization:
Tolerating a high level of inattentiveness
- Allowing your partner to initiate a conversation or activity (dinner, one on one car ride) with you while they are engaged in an activity (reading/texting) that also requires concentration.
- Continuing a conversation even though your partner is getting frequently interrupted by kids/calls/texts/etc
- Continuing a conversation when your partner is clearly distracted/not fully engaged due to their "internal" state (boredom, fatigue, anxiety about something)
- Initiating a conversation while your partner is doing something (reading/texting) expecting and clearly being agreeable to getting at most their partial attention.

Tolerating a lack of consideration
- Your partner rarely/never asks you about "your" day - about what you want to do
- Your partner demands much quicker response to their text/calls than they give yours
- Your partner frequently asks you to do things for them/get them things - that they could just as easily do for themselves. AND they rarely/never offer to do those things for you or if asked by you, they do so reluctantly. 
- Standing and waiting by the door because your partner said they were ready to "leave the house". As you reach the door they suddenly realize a long list of things that "must" be done before departing, leaving you "standing and waiting" until they finish whatever it is they have suddenly decided to do. 

Tone:
- Speaking to you as if you are less than an equal/a servant - issuing commands - instead of making requests 
- Responding to a serious/awkward question you have asked - with silence - Interrupting you frequently and/or interrupting you without
acknowledging they have done so with a - "sorry I interrupted - what were you saying"?
- Allowing or subtly encouraging THEIR friends/family to routinely interrupt you (hey if THEY interrupt you in public - that signals it is ok for others to do so as well)
- Frequently putting you down in private sometimes under the guise of joking around 
- Putting you down in public 
- Being quickly/casually dismissive of your suggestions, requests and/or ideas
- When you first see each other at the end of a work day immediately complaining, nagging, launching into a long detailed self focused interaction
- Responding with impatience/anger/indifference when you are trying to convey something important/intimate about yourself (such as initiating sex, or actually while you are having sex, or sharing a painful experience)
- Using a negative tone of voice with you, that they would and/or have never tolerated you using with them.




Whatshisname said:


> I could have posted this in either the mens or ladies forum because it goes for both sex's.
> 
> Is it rude of your spouse to continuously text while your;
> A) Having a conversation?
> ...


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> It's not just rude, it's very disrespectful. The message they're really conveying is that whomever they are texting is more interesting and more important than you are. If they'd prefer the company of someone else, let them go there and you can find someone to converse with, eat with, or go on outings with, who will give you their undivided attention.


:iagree:
It conveys that he or she isn't really interested in you or what you have to say.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Whatshisname said:


> I could have posted this in either the mens or ladies forum because it goes for both sex's.
> 
> Is it rude of your spouse to continuously text while your;
> A) Having a conversation?
> ...


Absolutely without a doubt, it would Pi** me off if this was happening. I know of someone who tried in an amusing way to tell his wife this very thing one too many times to no avail. 

Instead or words this time around, he showed her this commericial YouTube - AT&T - Ski Lift Commercial She just gave him a dirty look & kept doing it. Total disrespect. If I was him, I would have gotten up & started flirting with the waitress or something -so long as her fingers were glued to her cell phone.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's especially rude when out having dinner together.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> It's not just rude, it's very disrespectful. The message they're really conveying is that whomever they are texting is more interesting and more important than you are. If they'd prefer the company of someone else, let them go there and you can find someone to converse with, eat with, or go on outings with, who will give you their undivided attention.


Disrespect is built one brick at a time.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

*Re: The erosion of respect*



MEM11363 said:


> Whatshisname,
> 
> After a LOT of observation I came up with the list below. I think it represents a common list of "little" things a "strong" partner may subconsciously do to "take control" of a relationship. Allowing the pattern below to become "normal" is a disaster.
> 
> ...


How about plugging in headphones during a conversation without first indicating they're finished talking?


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Ya it's rude.


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## Mike188 (Dec 29, 2009)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Absolutely without a doubt, it would Pi** me off if this was happening. I know of someone who tried in an amusing way to tell his wife this very thing one too many times to no avail.
> 
> Instead or words this time around, he showed her this commericial YouTube - AT&T - Ski Lift Commercial She just gave him a dirty look & kept doing it. Total disrespect. If I was him, I would have gotten up & started flirting with the waitress or something -so long as her fingers were glued to her cell phone.



Sometimes people just can't see the humor. With a NORMAL person just letting them know is enough for them to realize they are being rude and they usually stop on their own. For an ABNORMAL person it is like a crack addiction.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

an inexcusable lack of common decency and respect


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

They tell me women can multitask well. So i'm not intensely bothered by this.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

I guess it's a kind of fitness test. Don't know if it happened to me if I'd be likely to do anything about it. If it was really gross, like not just a short conv and then ending but going on and on I think I'd up and leave.

Bob


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

It's rude for anyone to do it and especially rude of your husband to do it to you.

Anything can wait until you are alone or not in the company of others.

If it was an emergency - I don't think they would be texting it.

People who do this think they are more important than those around them.

I call them clods. No cooth or respect.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

unbelievable said:


> It's not just rude, it's very disrespectful. The message they're really conveying is that whomever they are texting is more interesting and more important than you are. If they'd prefer the company of someone else, let them go there and you can find someone to converse with, eat with, or go on outings with, who will give you their undivided attention.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

I have tried to explain this to my H, he tells me I'm being ridiculous. Being ignored, and pushed to the side isn't cool.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I used to be really rude in my youth (and somewhat of a prude too) , honest to god, some of the things I did are humours looking back. 

This was NOT about cell phone use... but my cousin came over with her boyfriend to discuss my wedding - she was in it . And her & him was really getting caught up in the kissing/ flirting in front of me, to the point of not paying any attention to ME & what she came over for. All I kept thinking was -What the he** - this is surely not the time or place for this behavior as we had things to discuss- I was not amused or aroused. 

SO I went and got a condom from my bedroom , I handed it to my cousin and told her & him to go get a hotel somewhere. 

I can not remember what she said to me , but my comment shocked her - but geeeze, rude ignoring lack of respect people can expect others to re-act, simple as that.


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## Whatshisname (Jan 12, 2011)

Thanks for all your comments everybody. I wanted to make sure I wasn't just being to sensitive.


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## Ayan (Nov 26, 2011)

Depends.. jus not when having sex


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## SockPuppet (May 16, 2011)

I was standing in line at a KFC wit my wife. She laughsa under her breath and she points to a table with a couple high school girls sitting there. Every single one of them was texting on their phones.

We were in line for... around 10 minutes, and the whole time nobody at that table looked up, or even spoke. It was really hilarious and pathetic at the same time.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yes. Very rude and tells me my husband isn't really "here" with me.

We've had this talk and he took it to mean NEVER use the phone while at home but that's another post all together.

As it is, he doesn't use it at home now which is fine by me at this point. Before, he'd be texting his bros and work would call, blah blah. I didn't mind if we weren't hanging out, but we'd be in a conversation and he'd stop to return a text. That just irks me.

I had a friend like this as well. She once texted the WHOLE TIME we were at dinner. Finally, I got up, put my money on the table and just walked out. She hasn't pulled that crap since.

I can be alone by myself and be happy about it.  I don't need to feel like crap as well while being alone.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Yup I agree...rude. BUT.....depends on the circs. If its urgent and needs a response I think its only polite to say 'sorry darling, its urgent, I need to reply...give me a sec'..... She should understand.

However if he is having a text-conversation... NO WAY JOSE! Rude.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Very! Neither hubby or I ever text, so it never would be a problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Very rude. It indicates that the person that you're with isn't worth your undivided attention and is completely and utterly disrespectful.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

Very rude! My H does that and will also check his twitter and FB on his phone while I'm in mid conversation with him. Ive gotten to the point of just getting up and walking away my H then says "Where are you going? I was having fun talking to you!" but when I bring up that he looked busy on his phone he says he does it without realizing it. Yet still that hasn't changed a bit. Oh and he puts in his headphones while I'm talking to him too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My exH was always on the phone. Always. When we'd go out on dates or be at dinner. I remember distinctly one Valentines day dinner we planned where he was on the phone the.entire.freaking.dinner. It's so rude/disrespectful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Runs like Dog said:


> They tell me women can multitask well. So i'm not intensely bothered by this.


To a point.
For example, it has been proven that you cannot talk and listen at the same time. I used to give my wife and one of her friends crap when both of them were talking to each other at the same time.
I'd ask one what the other said and she had no clue.

So I imagine that it is similar with texting. I know that I cannot have a conversation and text. I expect anyone that I am conversing with to converse with me, not a phone.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

how bout watching the game? is that ok?


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Depends who is playing.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

If its not work or an emergency of some kind it's extremely disrespectful. If I were out to dinner and my wife had been doing this habitually after I had asked her to stop I would take some action. I might get up in the middle of her texting session without saying a word and leave. I would pay the bill first and wait a few minutes in the car to see if she figures it out, but if she doesn't come out I would go somewhere and not answer my phone for a few hours. If she later asks WTF I would just start texting in silence. If she doesn't get the hint after this then you have bigger problems.


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## ontheball (Nov 18, 2011)

Yes it rude but if you say something it will get you nowhere fast.

My wife had this annoying habit and when I use too say something about it she would automatically get defensive. It would eventually lead to a fight that was no longer about her being rude by texting during our time together. But instead it would turn into a conversation about me trying to control her and her behavior or worst yet she say that I was trying to come between her and friends and family. Needless to say it getting upset would backfire on me. 

I eventually wised up and tried a different approach. Now when she does this I ignore it or walk away. If we are out to dinner I would make it a perfect excuse to go to the restroom. Sometimes she wouldn't notice but most times she would and ask, "I'm sorry are you mad at me?" Instead of getting into it, I would ignore the question by cracking a joke, point out something funny, or simply continue the conversation before we were interrupted. 


Every now and then when she was really being rude with the constant texting I took a slightly different approach. I would whip out my phone and text her something naughty or funny. This would immediately snap her out of it with a smile or laugh followed by an apology. I usually ignore the apology as if she did nothing wrong and continued our conversation. I find that if at any point I acknowledge the apology it would eventually lead back to an argument. I find the best reaction is no reaction. 

Now she rarely does it. A lot times she just silences her phone and only checks it at the beginning or end of our night. Sometimes I catch her checking it when I walk away but she usually now puts it away shortly after I walk back.


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## LimboGirl (Oct 28, 2011)

RUDE, RUDE, and RUDE


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## Duke (May 15, 2011)

*Re: The erosion of respect*

Yes, yes, and yes. Very very rude. Also very rude while driving but that's another subject.



MEM11363 said:


> - Frequently putting you down in private sometimes under the guise of joking around
> - Putting you down in public


Is this bad even if they're German?


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Yes, it is rude. It is also rude to stay on the computer and phone all the time when your spouse is home.


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## OnTheBrink (Dec 4, 2011)

Whatshisname said:


> I could have posted this in either the mens or ladies forum because it goes for both sex's.
> 
> Is it rude of your spouse to continuously text while your;
> A) Having a conversation?
> ...


a) YES
b) YES
c) YES


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