# Dr Psych Mom on porn, sex toys and masturbation - The Junk Food of Sex



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I'm sure y'all are getting sick of me talking about Dr Psych Mom but she just makes so much sense a lot of the time I can't help myself. 

First the disclaimer - I am in no way affiliated with her and I do not benefit in any way of her success or failure. I am not even one of her paid subscribers for her private content which I think is a whopping few bucks a month or something. 

So with that out of the way, one of the reasons I have become a devoted follower of her material is she does not appear to be governed by any particular moral or religious or even popular guidelines but rather speaks in terms of practicalities and simple nuts-and-bolts mechanics. 

And even more importantly, she isn't afraid to explain that there are nuances and factors and conditions that impact whether something may be beneficial vs harmful. 

In other words, nothing is all good or all bad..... it all 'depends.' For some people under certain circumstances and conditions, something might be good. For other people in different circumstances and conditions, it may be bad. I believe that is how much of the world works and it is like a breath of fresh air for me to hear a professional in real world practice acknowledge that. 

So anyway that brings us to one of our favorite topics and debate points on TAM which is PORN,,,, along with sex toys and masturbation et al. 

I think DSP hits the nail on the head in how she deals with porn/toys/spanking etc in her practice as a clinical psychologist and marriage therapist with her clients. 

In a nutshell, since her clients are paying big bucks for her professional advice and guidance, they are not there because their marriage is going great. In those cases, things like porn, toys, spanking etc are playing a role. 

So her general narative is that if couples are having some kind of difficulty in the bedroom and some kind of difficulty connecting intimately, things like porn and cuddling up to vibrators and dildo etc are what she refers to as "Junk Food of Sex."

Remember your mom didn't want you eating cookies before supper or it would ruin your appetite to where you wouldn't eat healthy, nutricious food? 

Well what actually happens is sugary junk food actually artificially INCREASES your appetite, but it makes you crave more sugary junk food while at the same time ruining your appetite for meat and vegetables. Your appetite shifts to the junk at the expense of the healthy. 

Well pretty much the same things happens with porn with men and artificial devices that are as a big as a man's forearm that you crank up to 10,000 rpms for women. 

It becomes a quick and easy fix that takes no effort and no thought that is quick hit and fix for a moment, but soon after leaves them craving for more. 

In the mean time, they getting their cheap and easy thrills on their own, leaving nothing in the tank for which to connect with each other. As they withdraw into their own sexuality of self, they become more and more disconnected from each other. They get fat and lazy and sexually insulin resistant (my term but it fits) 

So that means porn and toys and masturbation are bad right?? We must bring back book burnings and destroy all the porn and send all the sex gadgets and widgets and gizmos to the burn pile and learn to keep our hands off of our naughty bits right? 

NO.

Those things can have their place in a good, healthy, robust relationship. We all need a certain degree of variety and novelty and different experiences to keep our sexuality alive and healthy. Porn and toys etc can contribute to healthy sexual dynamic. 

The key is engaging and exploring and experiencing TOGETHER and having it be a collaborative and mutually consensual and mutually enjoyable experience together as a couple,,, rather than sneaking off into the shadows in isolation and self-absorption. 

The other key point is and where the real harm comes in is when a couple is not connecting and is not having a mutually enjoyable and satisfying sexual dynamic. If a couple is disconnecting, retreating into a world of self-indulgence and feasting on sexual junk food of porn and vibrators and self-gratification - it becomes a viscious cycle that further pulls people apart and becomes a significant contributing factor to the destruction of relationship. 

So in a healthy, robust, and generally gratifying sexual relationship, those things can add a little variety and novelty and a little added flare. 

But to a troubled and disconnecting relationship, it can be a bucket of gas and a match. 

As in all things, the devil is in the details and the circumstances and conditions of the environment.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

To further expand on the junk food analogy - if you have a healthy lifestyle and eat a good diet of lean meats, fruits and veggies and get some good daily exercise and physical activity - a Snickers or chocolate chip cookie here and there is not going to hurt you and will be a nice tasty treat. 

But if you are stuffing yourself with junk food daily and not eating enough wholesome nutrients and are getting fat and insulin resistant etc then the Snickers and the cookies are poison and a big part of the problem. 

And further more, if you realize your health is declining and your doctor and people close to your are becoming concerned about you and you decide you want to change your condition,,,, the first thing you do to start improving your situation is toss out the cookies and Snickers and shift to healthy diet. 

Porn/toys/spanking is the same way. They can be an enjoyable tasty treat that does no real harm in the backdrop of a healthy sexual lifestyle. 

But too much, things start to go wrong and can contribute to a wide variety of maladies. 

And in the presence of an actual unhealthy state, they become the toxin and needs to be one of the first things eliminated from the diet.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I can’t believe you missed the perfect opportunity to reference Ding Dongs, Snowballs, and Twinkies.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Hmmm. I wonder what the classic "Boink Me With Your Big Beef" part three, would be categorized as?


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

I heard this podcast of hers and her description of it being junk food. 

If starfish/duty sex is like a basic run of the mill hamburger, and it’s infrequent at that, then junk food sounds pretty appealing at that point.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

GoodDad5 said:


> I heard this podcast of hers and her description of it being junk food.
> 
> If starfish/duty sex is like a basic run of the mill hamburger, and it’s infrequent at that, then junk food sounds pretty appealing at that point.


When you are starving, you will eat anything. That doesn't mean that it is good for you but may keep you alive for a little bit longer. 

The key is to address your situation to where you are not in a famine situation.


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## Lurkster (Feb 8, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> I can’t believe you missed the perfect opportunity to reference Ding Dongs, Snowballs, and Twinkies.


You forgot creampies!


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

To give her credit she’s at least saying yes to sex but I can tell it’s reluctant and it’s basically hurry up and get me off. I’m getting to where I have no desire for it and find it difficult to finish.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

GoodDad5 said:


> To give her credit she’s at least saying yes to sex but I can tell it’s reluctant and it’s basically hurry up and get me off. I’m getting to where I have no desire for it and find it difficult to finish.


 NOTE: I'm using this above as a conceptual example and not saying that this is actually going on with GoodDad5 specifically) 


OK so everyone stay with me here as this is how the "Junk Food" analogy comes in and how in a situation where the sexual dynamic is trouble that porn and masturbation etc can actually make it worse. 

In the scenario above, Mrs GoodDad is agreeing in principle to provide the service even though she herself may not be all that innately motivated. 

Since she is agreeable to maintaining a marital sex life, it is then on him to make it as positive and enjoyable for her as possible if he wants it to be more than simply a distasteful chore like scrubbing the toilet. 

According to DPM how porn becomes a detriment is it will artificially inflate his sexual expectations and general sexual appetite, which in turn will place more pressure on her and make him more prone judge her sexual temperment and performance more harshly and make him more resentful which she will pick up on and make her more resentful and bitter that is being expected perform at a level that she simply does not have the level of desire for. 

But if one is spanking to porn all the time, he is also draining his own tank and siphoning off his own mojo show he is approaching her with artificially elevated expectations from watching professional performer but lowered level of innate desire FOR HER. As a significant part of women's responsive desire is derived from feeling their partner's desire in them, this is seriously undermining a key part of woman's responsive desire. 

This is why DPM and other therapists often recommend eliminating the porn in men and Toys in women so people can allow their own innate mojo and organic desire for their partner be the driving force of their approach of their mate. 

Cut out the Snickers and chocolate chip cookies and overcome the sugar cravings so their natural appetite for a healthy diet of nutritious and healthy sustenance can return.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

GoodDad5 said:


> I heard this podcast of hers and her description of it being junk food.
> 
> If starfish/duty sex is like a basic run of the mill hamburger, and it’s infrequent at that, then junk food sounds pretty appealing at that point.





oldshirt said:


> When you are starving, you will eat anything. That doesn't mean that it is good for you but may keep you alive for a little bit longer.
> 
> The key is to address your situation to where you are not in a famine situation.


Interesting discussion and food analogy. Perhaps, toys or masturbation to fantasies, could be the pre-meal or first course appetizer that sets the stage for a fabulous meal to be remembered by both?

Memorable meals start when you both arrive at the table, it is more about what happens there together and afterwards, then what brings you to the table ready to eat.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

“Whatever gets you through the night.
It's all right, it's all right” - John Lennon


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