# How to handle...



## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

This is a situation that makes me sad and unsure how to handle it. It’s not a big deal, but it bothers me.

At my new apartments, there is a tenant here, a guy about 40. He has some physical disabilities as well as probably some mental ones. He walks around our complex a lot (seems to not have to work and is here all day).

He spotted me immediately when I moved in and said hello, asked if he could help me move a couple of things. I said no thank you but nice to meet you. Later I saw him around, at the pool, etc. Would nod or say hello.

Then shortly after I saw him standing outside my sliding glass door across the street in an area where no one would really see him and he was peering into my apartment. I was in a bikini headed to the pool. When I saw him I just went over and shut my blinds. I don’t know if he realized I saw him or not.

After that I observed him at the pool several times, always going out of his way to chat up pretty girls and also deliberately telling them they are pretty. Now, this in itself would not have bothered me but after I saw him peeping me it did.

I began making sure there was distance between me and this guy. I would move myself to the opposite side of the pool if he was there for instance. I just want to avoid, not confront.

When I started doing that, he doubled down on trying to talk to me. But he does it with others around, such as at the pool. I’m introverted anyway and don’t like talking to people in a situation like that. I don’t talk to the rest of the people either if I can avoide it. But the guy I’m talking about really takes offense, and suddenly he is doing things like literally yelling at me across the pool “HI PRETTY LADY”. If I don’t answer or nod or wave he keeps yelling it over and over. So I left the pool. I heard him cussing me out as I left.

I can understand that this guy probably just thinks I’m a snobby ***** who won’t give him the time of day because he is different. He probably experiences that kind of snobbery all the time. Which makes me feel bad for him, truly.

But what he doesn’t know is that if I catch you being creepy I’m not going to give you the time of day after that, especially if you try to force it on me.

The problem now is that he is basically on patrol around my apartment seemingly just waiting for a chance to yell at me or cuss me out. Yesterday he was walking a fair distance behind me and was mumbling “well just **** you then” and things like that.

It’s sad and upsetting. I wish I wasn’t in this position because now I have to keep an eye out for this guy all the time when I am at home.

Just venting I guess. Not really much else I can do.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I recently read an article by a Blogger named scary mommy. In it, she detailed how she had always told her daughter to be inclusive and kind to everyone. Basically, her daughter was inclusive and kind to a fellow student who had several issues and very few friends. This student ended up seriously stalking her daughter. Her daughter had to change to different classes and the school had to take measures to protect



When I was in high school we had a student who had some mental issues. I was nice to him. Because I lived within walking distance of the high school, and because he was in some sort of after school program that must not have been very well monitored, he would often come to my house and a knock at the door asking for the girl who looked pretty in her major red suit. He would seek me out in the halls. It made me extremely uncomfortable, but because he was disabled, I felt like a terrible person



Bottom line? I should not have failed to badd. Just because someone has a disability does not entitle them to harass or stalk or cross boundaries with others. I am very sorry for this man's difficulties, but what he is doing is very inappropriate, and someone in charge at that apartment complex needs to a dress it.

Yes, it is important to be kind and not ostracize people who are different. That does not mean we need to jeopardize our own safety.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying. And I’m not sure how I can get any. So I don’t feel right about saying anything to the management here. I am very aware of the fact that anyone can just go say “he creeps me out!” with no evidence and then get a person in trouble, so I will never do this unless I can capture him on video being obviously threatening to me. 

And if I do talk to the managers, I feel that them talking to him about it at all could put me at more risk because now he will know I called him a creep or whatever. I’m afraid of retaliation.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I think you should be inclusive and open of folks with disabilities, and at the same time cut off any inappropriate behaviour very early on. 

I think you did the right thing FW. You were open until he was creepy. And now it’s weird. 

If he continues or escalates, then you’re going to have to escalate. Not with him, with whoever is his support system. 

You wouldn’t forgive a creep for being creepy, and this is no different. 

Sorry you’re going through this.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying. And I’m not sure how I can get any. So I don’t feel right about saying anything to the management here. I am very aware of the fact that anyone can just go say “he creeps me out!” with no evidence and then get a person in trouble, so I will never do this unless I can capture him on video being obviously threatening to me.
> 
> 
> 
> And if I do talk to the managers, I feel that them talking to him about it at all could put me at more risk because now he will know I called him a creep or whatever. I’m afraid of retaliation.




Who supports him? Does he have something like a parent, minder, or other kind of support?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Marduk said:


> Who supports him? Does he have something like a parent, minder, or other kind of support?


No, he appears to be self sufficient enough to live alone. Either he has money from a family source or disability benefits to live off, or perhaps his disability was from an injury where he got a settlement or something.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

This is a very serious situation FW! I'm sorry, but do not minimize what is happening here. He is terrorizing you in your own home. One of my many addictions is creepy pasta videos on YouTube. If you don't know what that is, it's basically people narrating scary stories, some true, some obviously made up. The true ones are almost always stalker related and they all follow the same patterns of behavior. This sounds like the beginning of every horrific stalker story I've ever heard. Im not trying to scare you, I'm trying to make sure you understand how quickly this can turn from a highly uncomfortable annoyance into a real life horror story. He knows where you live. He also knows your patterns by now. When you go to work, when you get home.... Think about!

If you don't have any protection, get it. I'm a huge fan of pepper spray personally. I'm not a gun guy, so that's out. Stun guns are practically worthless on humans. Ive seen people walk through tazors like its nothing. I've not ever seen anyone not drop from a pepper spray to the face, and there's no lasting damage after its over so your conscious remains free of guilt. 

Please don't take this lightly. Please consider the worst case scenario is at your doorstep, peeping in your windows at you ffs! I would call the police so they are aware. They can't do anything yet, but they will be able to start documenting things as you report them. **** this guy's mental state! What about yours?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Marduk said:


> Who supports him? Does he have something like a parent, minder, or other kind of support?


SSID with housing. Seen it all the time when I worked at a high interest loans place. He has more than enough to live.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> But the guy I’m talking about really takes offense, and suddenly he is doing things like literally yelling at me across the pool “HI PRETTY LADY”. If I don’t answer or nod or wave he keeps yelling it over and over. So I left the pool. I heard him cussing me out as I left.


Oregon is a one-party recording state. Record him doing these kinds of things and notify management. Then send a registered letter to the management asking for an action plan. Create a documentation trail so that the apartments will take it seriously. If he does something inappropriate after they knew he was a problem tenant, they are opening themselves up to damages. What he is doing could be considered harassment. If nothing else, notifying them may allow you to break the lease and move out. You possibly could even be compensated for moving expenses and damages if you felt personally harassed. 

Sometimes the laws for recording video and audio are different, but if you're in a public place, I believe you're allowed to record video. Anyone know for sure?


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

Faithful Wife said:


> No, he appears to be self sufficient enough to live alone. Either he has money from a family source or disability benefits to live off, or perhaps his disability was from an injury where he got a settlement or something.




Crappy. 

Time to involve the police?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Do you know his name? If you do get on your state's court website and see if he has a criminal record. I do this sometimes and have found things out that I needed to know. For example I hired a guy to do yard work. He was on my property daily for about a week and I needed a lot more work done so was considering have him do more.He was a hard worker. But... I got a weird vibe off him. So I lookup up all court cases against him. There were several for domestic violence and drug (meth) related crimes. 

Can you install some kind of video camera or camera door bell? You might even be able to put a small one inside on a window sill. This might give you some evidence of him stalking you. You could also use a video camera when to record him when you are outside. Something like a small go-pro, or your cell phone.

For example, it's too bad you did not use your cell phone when he was following you and talking under his breath.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Well, I'm upset that your freedom and activities are being controlled by this nasty person.

Disabled does not mean you get to stalk, harass or threaten anyone.

Is your boyfriend good at confrontations? Maybe your ex?

I'm concerned for your safety and the other ladies and girls in the area. He obviously feels entitled to you all regardless of your feelings on the matter.

I definitely know the type and I know how to deal with it.

My solutions won't work for you but I would not keep this to yourself.

Confide in friends and family. You have a right not to be harassed by anyone.

Record on your phone how he is at the public pool with you and the other ladies.

He doesn't have a right to yell anything at you or cuss.

The property management would probably like to know they have a resident that is harassing other residents and possibly persuading them to move elsewhere.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I guess I will just whip out my phone the next time he starts trying to engage me forcefully and record our conversation. Maybe just doing that in his face will make him back off. It may make him more mad, though. Either way though I guess I need evidence here.

Before he got irritated at me (but after I had seen him peeping tom me), one morning I went out my front door and someone had left a "welcome" mat in front of my door. It was weird. Definitely had been placed there deliberately. It was used though, not like someone went and bought it and put it there. It was one of the fairly expensive ones that you can truly wipe your feet on (that thick stiff bristle type stuff). I thought it was a little weird....now I'm betting it was him who left it there.

The only reason I feel a bit safer is that the guy is so disabled that I could easily knock him off his feet (he uses a cane to walk already and struggles even then). Actually I could also beat the crap out of him (which I'm only saying because he is disabled. Most men I would never say that about). None of that makes me feel very good, but I don't actually worry that he could physically attack me. I just fear he is going to stalk me just to express how angry he is.

Thanks guys. I'll have to keep thinking about this.

One thing is, this is all part of living alone, which I have never done before. I am trying to just be aware and not be afraid. I do not want to be afraid in my own home. I'm not really "afraid" of him so far. Just extremely creeped out and leery.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Is your boyfriend good at confrontations? Maybe your ex?


It is funny, I actually kind of have a parade of guys coming and going. My son, my ex, my brother, a couple of dates, and now a boyfriend. I have wondered if other tenants think they are ALL my boyfriends and that I'm a huge *****. HA!! Don't care. >

I told my son and my ex about the guy and they have seen him. I know if he did anything weird while they were around they would step in. I do not want them to confront him until or unless that happens in front of them.

There is such a problem with the he said she said stuff, you know?

I feel secure in knowing what I am seeing is truly creepy, not just in my mind. But without some evidence I don't feel secure telling someone in management.

So I'll get the evidence.
@EleGirl, yes I will get a front door and back sliding door camera.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> It is funny, I actually kind of have a parade of guys coming and going. My son, my ex, my brother, a couple of dates, and now a boyfriend. I have wondered if other tenants think they are ALL my boyfriends and that I'm a huge *****. HA!! Don't care. >


Hahahahahaha!!!!! That paints a funny picture!:wink2::grin2:

You popular tart you!:wink2:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> Hahahahahaha!!!!! That paints a funny picture!:wink2::grin2:
> 
> You popular tart you!:wink2:


:grin2:

But as for this particular problem, everyone knows none of these guys live with me. So Mr. Creepy knows this too and the majority of the time, I am by myself if I'm home.

I have a male companion of one form or another maybe 3 nights a week. The rest of the time it's just me and my plants. (Well and of course TAM, which is my social life, lol).


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i would video or record any engagement with him, and then go to the apartment office and show them, tell them the next step is the police. sadly this will not go away otherwise any reaction you give him (good or bad) is fuel to continue in his mind. read chapter 8 or 9 in the Gift of Fear.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> Then shortly after I saw him standing outside my sliding glass door across the street in an area where no one would really see him and he was peering into my apartment. I was in a bikini headed to the pool. When I saw him I just went over and shut my blinds. I don’t know if he realized I saw him or not.


From what little I know of peeping-tom laws, this behavior might not be illegal. If it was legal for him to stand in that location, then it's legal for him to look into any windows he can see from that location. An example I've heard is that it's not illegal to stand on the sidewalk and look in someone's window. What is illegal is to be trespassing while looking in the window. But being an apartment, it's not clear if he would be trespassing even if he was right outside your window. I'm guessing the apartment complex owns that land rather than the resident of the apartment. Officially, I'm guessing in that case it would be up to the apartment owners to tell him to leave rather than the police. But if it happens, you should call the police and let them sort it out with the apartment owners.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I just thought of this one. Saturday night new boyfriend is coming over. I'm going to ask him to walk the property with me a bit and go over to the common areas where the pools and hot tubs are. Maybe if Mr. Creepy sees me with new boyfriend, that in itself will make him a bit less brave in trying to talk to me. I will explain the sitch to boyfriend.

I really don't like saying "will you please protect me from this creeeeeeep" or even bringing it up. But since I may be able to use new boyfriend's presence to my advantage in this case, I will try it.

The difference will be that Mr. Creepy doesn't see me being affectionate with any of the other guys, so he likely has not thought that any of them are a boyfriend. I'll just make sure he sees me with this guy who is CLEARLY my boyfriend.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

wilson said:


> From what little I know of peeping-tom laws, this behavior might not be illegal. If it was legal for him to stand in that location, then it's legal for him to look into any windows he can see from that location. An example I've heard is that it's not illegal to stand on the sidewalk and look in someone's window. What is illegal is to be trespassing while looking in the window. But being an apartment, it's not clear if he would be trespassing even if he was right outside your window. I'm guessing the apartment complex owns that land rather than the resident of the apartment. Officially, I'm guessing in that case it would be up to the apartment owners to tell him to leave rather than the police. But if it happens, you should call the police and let them sort it out with the apartment owners.


Right. He was standing in a public place and looking into a window that anyone could have looked in. I knew what he was doing, but also knew there was no recourse. So I just shut my blinds in his face.

Also, I'm not super insulted or anything about a guy wanting to peer at a woman. It is just natural to want to do so. Of course hiding out of sight to do it is what made it creepy, but his intention was probably just to see if he got lucky and I stood in the window and got naked or something.

Ugh, that sounds horrible, but I actually don't think the intention (the hope of seeing a naked woman) is "wrong". Just the actions.

I doubt he would ever do this again, but of course I'll be watching for it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> I just thought of this one. Saturday night new boyfriend is coming over. I'm going to ask him to walk the property with me a bit and go over to the common areas where the pools and hot tubs are. Maybe if Mr. Creepy sees me with new boyfriend, that in itself will make him a bit less brave in trying to talk to me. I will explain the sitch to boyfriend.
> 
> I really don't like saying "will you please protect me from this creeeeeeep" or even bringing it up. But since I may be able to use new boyfriend's presence to my advantage in this case, I will try it.
> 
> The difference will be that Mr. Creepy doesn't see me being affectionate with any of the other guys, so he likely has not thought that any of them are a boyfriend. I'll just make sure he sees me with this guy who is CLEARLY my boyfriend.


I like this. The presence of a mate is a good deterrent for unwanted screepy attention.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

ConanHub said:


> I like this. The presence of a mate is a good deterrent for unwanted screepy attention.


Ok texted him. Said I want to parade him around the property tomorrow night for 2 reasons.

1. Because I'm a prideful ***** and want to show him off. 

2. Because there is a creepy guy who lives there and I want him to know I have a boyfriend. 

Boyfriend said "no problem, I'll be your show pony and we will make sure he sees me" with the arm flexing emoticon. (swoon)


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ok texted him. Said I want to parade him around the property tomorrow night for 2 reasons.
> 
> 1. Because I'm a prideful ***** and want to show him off.
> 
> ...


It definitely won't hurt that he is built like He-Man!>


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying. And I’m not sure how I can get any. So I don’t feel right about saying anything to the management here. I am very aware of the fact that anyone can just go say “he creeps me out!” with no evidence and then get a person in trouble, so I will never do this unless I can capture him on video being obviously threatening to me.


Girlie, you're driving me crazy with this. You won't be making any false accusations to get him in trouble. You don't need evidence to complain. You don't have to prove anything to the management. You HAVE to tell them.

You also have to make police reports. Again, go down tomorrow and start your documenting with the things he's already done. You're not pressing charges, so you don't need proof to make the complaints (although they still might encourage you to press charges). NOBODY has proof of a stalker or peeping tom but they do - and are supposed to - register their complaints about it. Also, the police will be able to tell you your rights so you don't have to keep wondering about what you should do or whether to do it. Please go tomorrow to both the management office and the police station.



Faithful Wife said:


> And if I do talk to the managers, I feel that them talking to him about it at all could put me at more risk because now he will know I called him a creep or whatever. I’m afraid of retaliation.


So do it anonymously. Send them an unsigned note every single time he creeps you out. Start with what you told us about the things he has already done.

I think you should let them know it's you making the complaints. If something happens to you, no one will know to suspect him. But I also know you're right, in that they will tell him you complained, and that will make him angry. So I understand you're frightened by that prospect. But believe me, you won't be the only one. Rest assured others have complained also. Even before you make any complaint, however you go about it (in person or anonymously), you can ask them if anyone has complained about him. I bet you they will burst out laughing over how many complaints there have been. Your next question, of course, should be "Then why haven't you people done anything about it???"

You have the right to not live in fear.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

StarFires said:


> Girlie, you're driving me crazy with this. You won't be making any false accusations to get him in trouble. You don't need evidence to complain. You don't have to prove anything to the management. You HAVE to tell them.
> 
> You also have to make police reports. Again, go down tomorrow and start your documenting with the things he's already done. You're not pressing charges, so you don't need proof to make the complaints (although they still might encourage you to press charges). NOBODY has proof of a stalker or peeping tom but they do - and are supposed to - register their complaints about it. Also, the police will be able to tell you your rights so you don't have to keep wondering about what you should do or whether to do it. Please go tomorrow to both the management office and the police station.
> 
> ...


But where I am unsure is that, he hasn't actually done anything illegal. He literally has only been "weird". I feel that if I explain what has happened to anyone, they will not be able to identify anything even to talk to him about. Like, they can't tell him not to talk to people. I can't prove or know for sure that him mumbling "well **** you anyway then" while walking quite far behind me was about me. The peeping, I wish now that I would have taken his picture before I closed the blinds. Though as already pointed out, that is not illegal either. The yelling "HI PRETTY LADY" over and over was the only thing that was truly odd enough that I could make a case that he was being just plain weird to me, and there were other people around but I don't know if they noticed what was happening or why it was happening. Telling the girls at the pool that they are pretty is not a violation of anything.

I don't know what to tell them except that he makes me uncomfortable and that feels just....well because he is disabled, I am afraid they will think I AM actually making a big deal out of nothing and that I am creeped out by him just because he is different. 



BUT! I will now start keeping a log, taking pics and videos, get a front and back door cam, and be prepared to tell them with some evidence or at least dates and times I saw things.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

If you happen to have an unused phone, you can get an app so that it can be used as a motion-activated video recorder. Set it up in the window to record what's happening on a continual basis.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Also I know (via intuition) that the moment anyone talks to him about any of this, he is going to just get even more angry at me. This will NOT make him back off, it will make him hate me more and make a giant fuss if I'm ever around, or maybe worse.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

wilson said:


> From what little I know of peeping-tom laws, this behavior might not be illegal. If it was legal for him to stand in that location, then it's legal for him to look into any windows he can see from that location. An example I've heard is that it's not illegal to stand on the sidewalk and look in someone's window. What is illegal is to be trespassing while looking in the window. But being an apartment, it's not clear if he would be trespassing even if he was right outside your window. I'm guessing the apartment complex owns that land rather than the resident of the apartment. Officially, I'm guessing in that case it would be up to the apartment owners to tell him to leave rather than the police. But if it happens, you should call the police and let them sort it out with the apartment owners.


You get all kinds of responses on the internet, so look up the peeping tom laws in your state, as well as city ordinances.

*This is what* I found by googling:

Peeping Tom statutes differ from state to state, but they usually require:

That the victim did not realize he or she was being viewed;
That the victim was fully or partially naked, and
That the viewing took place at a place where the victim had a reasonable expectation of privacy.

The peeping tom laws differ between states and some states, and New York is one of them, stipulate that the perpetrator has to be using a recording device.

But other states, such as Missouri, added additional wording (to the 3 that I noted first) such as:
the Peeping Tom law prohibits any secret viewing of a person without their consent, regardless of whether the perpetrator is using a camera, binoculars, or just the naked eye.

If there are states that permit peeping into people's windows and to spy on women just because you are legally on the property, then those states need to secede from the union.

I know that mail carriers and meter readers are told NOT to look into windows. Window washers are also told not to look through the windows of the buildings they are cleaning.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

StarFires said:


> If there are states that permit peeping into people's windows and to spy on women just because you are legally on the property, then those states need to secede from the union.


If only I had snapped his picture. I would have no problem sending that over to management because it was obvious what he was doing (from my view). And it was obvious where he was standing that it is no place anyone has any business being. Basically, "in the bushes" but not literally. The ONLY reason to stand there was because he could see into my sliding door without being obvious to anyone else since where he was standing is no where any one needs to walk or pass by.

When it happened I was just shocked and acted quickly to close the blinds.

Then he immediately left the spot, but that does not mean he saw me see him, it just meant his little show was done.

Ugh.....


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> But where I am unsure is that, he hasn't actually done anything illegal. He literally has only been "weird". I feel that if I explain what has happened to anyone, they will not be able to identify anything even to talk to him about. Like, they can't tell him not to talk to people. I can't prove or know for sure that him mumbling "well **** you anyway then" while walking quite far behind me was about me. The peeping, I wish now that I would have taken his picture before I closed the blinds. Though as already pointed out, that is not illegal either. The yelling "HI PRETTY LADY" over and over was the only thing that was truly odd enough that I could make a case that he was being just plain weird to me, and there were other people around but I don't know if they noticed what was happening or why it was happening. Telling the girls at the pool that they are pretty is not a violation of anything.
> 
> I don't know what to tell them except that he makes me uncomfortable and that feels just....well because he is disabled, I am afraid they will think I AM actually making a big deal out of nothing and that I am creeped out by him just because he is different.
> 
> ...


I understand how you feel. Just do this - use a friend's or your boyfriend's phone to call the management office and ask if anyone has complained about him. When, not if but when, they say yes, ask them how they handle it and if they divulge the names of the complainants.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

StarFires said:


> I understand how you feel. Just do this - use a friend's or your boyfriend's phone to call the management office and ask if anyone has complained about him. When, not if but when, they say yes, ask them how they handle it and if they divulge the names of the complainants.


In order for them to reprimand him, they would have to tell him what to stop doing. Because of that, and since the yelling "hey pretty lady" at me is the only thing I can really point to, he will know I made the complaint even if they don't tell him who made it.

But I will work on this. Maybe I will email the manager and just ask what the process is to file this type of complaint and what would happen. Without giving her actual details.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Faithful Wife said:


> In order for them to reprimand him, they would have to tell him what to stop doing. Because of that, and since the yelling "hey pretty lady" at me is the only thing I can really point to, he will know I made the complaint even if they don't tell him who made it.
> 
> But I will work on this. Maybe I will email the manager and just ask what the process is to file this type of complaint and what would happen. Without giving her actual details.


Alrighty then, sounds good.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> :grin2:
> 
> But as for this particular problem, everyone knows none of these guys live with me. So Mr. Creepy knows this too and the majority of the time, I am by myself if I'm home.
> 
> I have a male companion of one form or another maybe 3 nights a week. The rest of the time it's *just me and my plants*. (Well and of course TAM, which is my social life, lol).


Get a man eating plant. (sorry could not help myself... >)


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Get a man eating plant. (sorry could not help myself... >)


Ha ha!


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## sunsetmist (Jul 12, 2018)

Next time he is stalking you, start cleaning your gun(s). Make eye contact.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> It is funny, I actually kind of have a parade of guys coming and going. My son, my ex, my brother, a couple of dates, and now a boyfriend. I have wondered if other tenants think they are ALL my boyfriends and that I'm a huge *****. HA!! Don't care. >


Well, I was going to offer to come over and lend some support, but it sounds like it's already a sausage fest and then you'd have another creeper with your address.

Sorry, nothing else to add, everyone seems to have covered the basics.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> Also I know (via intuition) that the moment anyone talks to him about any of this, he is going to just get even more angry at me. This will NOT make him back off, it will make him hate me more and make a giant fuss if I'm ever around, or maybe worse.


We could do a freaky Friday swap and I could handle it.:wink2:>


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## attheend02 (Jan 8, 2019)

Sorry you are in this position..

I haven't had this particular situation, but its such a let down when you are excited about a new life choice and something like this f##s with it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cletus said:


> Well, I was going to offer to come over and lend some support, but it sounds like it's already a sausage fest and then you'd have another creeper with your address.
> 
> Sorry, nothing else to add, everyone seems to have covered the basics.


Actually, it would be easier to have a guy friend around to help me suss this out, because my other people are just "too" close to me and can't really be objective. In other words, when I mentioned it to my exh I saw literal murder flash in his eyes. If a guy is acting threatening *towards* Mr. Creep on my behalf, that just isn't going to help. If I had a guy friend who could calmly maybe help me confront the guy next time it happened, I think that might actually help.

So heck yeah, come on over! 

Kidding of course, but thank you for the sentiment.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

Faithful Wife said:


> So heck yeah, come on over!


You tease.



> Kidding of course, but thank you for the sentiment.


Fastest. Letdown. Ever.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Do you think you can talk to the apartment manager to see if this guy has any family? If he seems disabled, maybe there is someone keeping an eye on him that you could contact.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

This might help...

https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/victim-support/general-advice-for-victims


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cletus said:


> You tease.
> 
> 
> Fastest. Letdown. Ever.


Honest question, one which I have wondered before.

If I were to say hey Cletus, we are basically neighbors, let's get a beer sometime and just meet in person because it is too curious not to.....would you actually do that? I ask because I fear you would say "no thanks" in fear that I may have dubious intent, or in fear that your wife may not think this was cool, or maybe I just feel insecure about even asking because if you thought "why the hell would I want to meet you in person" I would feel pretty stupid. 

ALSO....if we have any TAM members come through Portland, would you get together with them/me? Maybe make a Pac NW reunion out of it?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ha ha!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLjook1I0V4


That's the same plant and movie that I was thinking of. :laugh:


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> This might help...
> 
> https://www.stalkingriskprofile.com/victim-support/general-advice-for-victims


Thank you for this. As I suspected, and this is basically the same in employment law, you can't really expect someone to stop doing these things until you have first had a calm, firm conversation with them telling them to stop. I will do that the next time he tries to force me to say hello, and I will do it with my phone whipped out. I have to start there, unfortunately.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

here's something else if found. It's from UNM (University of New Mexico Law School), not your state but probably not all that different

As provided in §30-3A-3, stalking consists of:



A person (defendant) knowingly pursuing a pattern of conduct; 
The pattern of conduct is such that it would cause a reasonable person to feel frightened, intimidated or threatened;
The defendant must intend to either: 

Place another person in reasonable apprehension of death, bodily harm, sexual assault, confinement or restraint, or
Cause a reasonable person to fear for his or her safety or the safety of a household member;


In furtherance of the stalking, the defendant must commit one or more of the following acts on more than one occasion: 


Following a person, in a place other than the defendant's residence, or 
 Placing a person under surveillance by being present outside that individual's residence, school, workplace, motor vehicle or any other place frequented by that individual, other than the defendant's residence, or 
Harassing a person.
Stalking Statute ? Judicial Education Center


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

uhtred said:


> Do you think you can talk to the apartment manager to see if this guy has any family? If he seems disabled, maybe there is someone keeping an eye on him that you could contact.


Yes, I will do this. I’ve got to get at least one piece of evidence though first.

In the meantime I will ask the management what process is involved in making such a complaint.


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

I read through all the posts, and I am just so sorry you are having to go through this when you have just set yourself up in a new life. I don't know if my own personal experience will help any, but I will share a quick version of it.

I grew up in a small town, everyone knew everyone. There was a young boy, from K-3rd Grade, that was...just a bit off. He was sweet, but he had a really hard time regulating emotions and socializing. He just didn't know what to do. Everyone was pretty kind to him though. 

I moved away in the my 3rd Grade year, and then didn't move back until my senior year of high school. The same sweet, slightly 'off' boy was a senior as well. But, he had become a HUGE boy. He towered over everyone and was very noticeable. Since I was 'new', he became very preoccupied with me. He would hug me just a little too long, he would put his hands places he shouldn't, but played it off as he didn't know any better. I had several girls tell me to not tolerate that, but it made me angry that they would assume the worst about him and be so mean to him. It took a particularly aggressive incident where he could not play off his 'innocence' any longer for me to finally see the light. He full on tried to get his hands under my skirt. I reported the problem and went to my guidance counselor. It was this incident that made them decide to make special considerations for his schooling and take him out of the general school. The guidance counselor explained the problem to me, but I still didn't quite get why all that happened. 

Until years later, and I became friends with an older couple that has a developmentally disabled son who is 36 years old, but has the mental coping abilities and comprehension levels of a 6-9 year old. They explained to me the rages and such that their son goes through because he has all the full blown sexual aspirations and desires of a 36 year old man....but the coping ability of a pre-pubescent. That makes for a very dangerous combo. That was also the case for the boy in high school. 

Please be careful. Sometimes someone in the mental situation can manage themselves quite well. Sometimes, they can not. It's a terrible, confusing, difficult world for them to navigate. I can't imagine the emotions and what they must suffer to control and work with...but you need to make sure you are not a victim of that. 

Please stay safe. I don't say any of this to upset you. You are not being a terrible person to value your safety and stay vigilant. You are not taunting him, your are not parading yourself in front of him, you are not insulting him by tending to yourself.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

FW,
Does the super strong guy you are dating ever accompany you to the pool? Sometimes an introduction augmented by a bone crushing handshake and a ‘I see you have met my girlfriend’ can be effective. 

Pepper spray at all times and a mindset to use it aggressively - if he appears at your door - or as you are getting into a car. 





Faithful Wife said:


> This is a situation that makes me sad and unsure how to handle it. It’s not a big deal, but it bothers me.
> 
> At my new apartments, there is a tenant here, a guy about 40. He has some physical disabilities as well as probably some mental ones. He walks around our complex a lot (seems to not have to work and is here all day).
> 
> ...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Mem and Inside looking out...thank you.

I’m really moved at the support from everyone and I am being very much more diligent and aware.

Sadly, boyfriend had to cancel tonight because his sister was rushed to the ER and I don’t want to say anything at all but it sounds serious. So now I’m just praying his sister is ok! No date tonight.

But that’s ok and we will reschedule. I’m just super concerned for his family right now.

Thanks again for the support, everyone.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Stellar advice




EleGirl said:


> Do you know his name? If you do get on your state's court website and see if he has a criminal record. I do this sometimes and have found things out that I needed to know. For example I hired a guy to do yard work. He was on my property daily for about a week and I needed a lot more work done so was considering have him do more.He was a hard worker. But... I got a weird vibe off him. So I lookup up all court cases against him. There were several for domestic violence and drug (meth) related crimes.
> 
> Can you install some kind of video camera or camera door bell? You might even be able to put a small one inside on a window sill. This might give you some evidence of him stalking you. You could also use a video camera when to record him when you are outside. Something like a small go-pro, or your cell phone.
> 
> For example, it's too bad you did not use your cell phone when he was following you and talking under his breath.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I still don’t know what is going on with his sister and am afraid to ask. 

Even worse, this sister’s husband died a couple of years ago and they have a couple kids.

It was really sad to hear that his sister had this tragedy and is a young widow with young kids. He sounds like a very good uncle and brother who has stepped in and become a father figure to them. He doesn’t have kids of his own but has been very active in their lives.

I’m just praying for her and those kids. They have already gone through so much. 

They can’t lose her too. He can’t lose his sister.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Faithful Wife said:


> Mem and Inside looking out...thank you.
> 
> I’m really moved at the support from everyone and I am being very much more diligent and aware.
> 
> ...


You *must *take this very seriously.

We can't lose you or even have you get hurt.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> I still don’t know what is going on with his sister and am afraid to ask.
> 
> Even worse, this sister’s husband died a couple of years ago and they have a couple kids.
> 
> ...


Of course the focus needs to be on his sister and the children. Terrible news for sure.


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## AandM (Jan 30, 2019)

Faithful Wife said:


> This is a situation that makes me sad and unsure how to handle it. It’s not a big deal, but it bothers me.
> 
> At my new apartments, there is a tenant here, a guy about 40. He has some physical disabilities as well as probably some mental ones. He walks around our complex a lot (seems to not have to work and is here all day).
> 
> ...


I'm sure that the super/landlord will know if he has a caseworker. If so, bring up your concerns with them.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I'll be communicating my thoughts via an example, so bear with me. There's two ways one can carry a pistol - concealed, or openly. Some people assert that carrying openly is a beneficial display of force. Because criminals see it, and decide to not commit crime, or pick someplace/someone else.

While this can certainly prove true in some cases, my thoughts differ somewhat. In my mind, most of the guys that would go find easier pickings because they saw a gun, probably didn't mean any harm anyway. Sure, some percentage would be an exception, but most probably just wanted a wallet, a phone, etc. They didn't want to hurt or kill anyone.

Then there's the other guy. He sees the gun, and it just elevates the pistol-carrier to the top of the list of who dies first. People who really are dangerous, aren't intimidated by chest-beating, or displays of toughness. It just gives them more information on how to gain the upper hand. Don't show people how you're strong, because it, at the same time, shows them where you're weak.

So my .02 - don't posture. Sure, it may scare off guy #1, but it may totally back-fire if you're dealing with guy #2. Personally, I would just move. Remove yourself from the situation. In my opinion, that's what one should always do when confronted with a potentially dangerous person/situation - leave. Only when that option is not available, does one resort to other measures.


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

I've really only skimmed through this, so apologies if someone else has suggested this. I think you should talk to the apartment management, not necessarily to lodge a complaint and have them address it with him. I'd also make it clear that you don't want it addressed with him because you fear it'll take a nasty turn. But rather, you should let them know because you probably aren't the first to do so, and they may follow up with asking you to gather some evidence to further other complaints against the person, that or, they may have other information about him to alleviate your fears, or something like that. I'd find it very unlikely that they don't know he's an issue.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Okay, above all - trust your instincts, and act accordingly to protect yourself.


This may not apply, but what you wrote of his behavior, I couldn't help but wonder if he might have an acquired brain injury. I was reminded of working with a particular man with an ABI. Thankfully the team shared with me insights to his personality and interests, and behavior such as randomly unzipping his penis but would listen to a calm instruction of, 'No, do your pants up.' This was not a conscious action on his part. Sure enough, within an hour of meeting him I was calmly saying, 'No, do your pants up.' He responded accordingly. His communication style was largely oblivious to social cues, yet his conversations were truly interesting.

Like another post suggested, I wonder if being direct with him could help diffuse the situation. However, without knowing more about him than the behavior presented, in the first instance you need to follow your instincts and ensure you are safe. Raising your concern with the building management may also be a good idea, as perhaps they have some knowledge around him they could share with you (as reassurance, I mean).


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If you ever see him across the street looking in your window again, walk to the window and very obviously take his picture with your phone. Make sure he can see you do this. It may be enough to scare him off to know he is being seen.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Thanks everyone. 

The guy's disability could be either cerebal palsy, a brain injury (while other parts of his body were also injured), or a devastating stroke. So his speech is extremely hard to understand and he struggles to articulate words, but I can't tell if this is because his brain is struggling or if it is just physically a struggle to speak. One side of his body is clearly affected entirely, and he uses a cane on that side. 

So I don't know at all and can't even guess what his mind is actually like or what is going on in there. If he is of sound mind, then he is just a creep. If he isn't, then he may not fully understand or be able to cope with being a child inside of a grown man's body, for instance. (Even if that is the case, I still do not want him around me).

This weekend I did not see him at all, so that was great. I will have my phone ready for any future incident. And I plan to just be calm and act like there is no problem. So if he just nods and says hello as we pass by each other somewhere, I'm going to do the same. If he gets weird, I'm going to have to tell him gently but firmly that I would just prefer to be left alone and not speak to him and I will record it.

I don't really think he would ever peek in my windows again...but of course I will watch. Luckily for me, I can see someone standing where he was easily and instantly. They can't hide in that spot from my view, it is only hidden from view of anyone not directly in my line of sight. So he could hide from other residents to stand there and peer, but there is no way to hide from me if he does it. And also I just now wrap a towel around me if I'm in my bikini about to head to the pool and my blinds are open.

So I'll update if/when there is another incident. Thanks for having my back, everyone!


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Thanks everyone.
> 
> The guy's disability could be either cerebal palsy, a brain injury (while other parts of his body were also injured), or a devastating stroke. So his speech is extremely hard to understand and he struggles to articulate words, but I can't tell if this is because his brain is struggling or if it is just physically a struggle to speak. One side of his body is clearly affected entirely, and he uses a cane on that side.
> 
> ...


Just curious, but what's the logic behind wrapping yourself in a towel in your apartment, just to take it off by the pool? 

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BioFury said:


> Just curious, but what's the logic behind wrapping yourself in a towel in your apartment, just to take it off by the pool?


There isn't any. It is just that if I am home and walking around in my bikini and my blinds are open, from the outside (if you are deliberately looking in) you would be able to see me and a lot of skin showing, which in itself is no big deal but I don't want someone thinking "oh maybe she is naked" and then try to look closer, or "oh maybe she will take off the bikini" or "oh I like looking at women in bikinis when they don't know I'm looking". I also wrap the towel around me as I walk to and from the pool. Just sort of a courtesy I guess. Feels inappropriate to just walk past all these people's door and on the main walkways in just a bikini.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> I don’t have any proof of what I’m saying. And I’m not sure how I can get any. So I don’t feel right about saying anything to the management here. I am very aware of the fact that anyone can just go say “he creeps me out!” with no evidence and then get a person in trouble, so I will never do this unless I can capture him on video being obviously threatening to me.
> 
> And if I do talk to the managers, I feel that them talking to him about it at all could put me at more risk because now he will know I called him a creep or whatever. I’m afraid of retaliation.


Uh, who is more important here?

Is his dignity more important than your safety?

How many more violent things must happen before we, you, remain. 'on guard'.

I would tell management that the guy is acting inappropriately. Ask them not to reveal who complained.
Better yet, tell them that multiple people have 'commented', to you, on his scary behavior.

Life is fragile, it is, can be dangerous. 

A lady cannot be too careful. 

Remain polite, however, ignore repeated attempts to engage.



KB-


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> There isn't any. It is just that if I am home and walking around in my bikini and my blinds are open, from the outside (if you are deliberately looking in) you would be able to see me and a lot of skin showing, which in itself is no big deal but I don't want someone thinking "oh maybe she is naked" and then try to look closer, or "oh maybe she will take off the bikini" or "oh I like looking at women in bikinis when they don't know I'm looking". I also wrap the towel around me as I walk to and from the pool. Just sort of a courtesy I guess. Feels inappropriate to just walk past all these people's door and on the main walkways in just a bikini.


Alrighty. So it's more that you're trying to disassociate your apartment windows, with seeing you in something yummy?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BioFury said:


> Alrighty. So it's more that you're trying to disassociate your apartment windows, with seeing you in something yummy?


Also just that in that moment when I looked up and saw the guy standing out there watching me, since then I can't really forget it. Not that I'm always worried about it, just that now I know for sure it could happen.

The creep is going to still see me at the pool so it's not like I can prevent that.

However, we have 3 pools and if I see him at my pool from now on, I'll just go to one of the other ones.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Maybe I will email the manager and just ask what the process is to file this type of complaint and what would happen. Without giving her actual details.





Faithful Wife said:


> I still don’t know what is going on with his sister and am afraid to ask.


Maybe I'm taking your typed words too literally, but what's with not wanting to speak up?

It seems you're behaving small, instead of big (assert yourself, ask questions). It might help you feel more comfortable.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

heartsbeating said:


> Faithful Wife said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe I will email the manager and just ask what the process is to file this type of complaint and what would happen. Without giving her actual details.
> ...


Ha ha! I can see how you would think that.

Rest assured, no I am not afraid to speak up.

I was “afraid” to ask about my boyfriend’s sister because she was actually in a life threatening situation and I feared hearing she had died. That situation has passed now though, thank god.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Ha ha! I can see how you would think that.
> 
> Rest assured, no I am not afraid to speak up.



Cool, you didn't strike me as the type not to be.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Watching through someone's window seems like one step away from violence to me. Like, get someone else involved type of violence.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

Talk to the apartment manager. If he is yelling across the pool, and using profanity, I highly doubt you are the first he has done that to. They are probably very aware of who he is, and what he is doing.

If you catch him peeping in your windows, call the cops. It is NOT okay, even if he has any mental deficits. Do whatever it takes to feel safe in your home. Security cameras are cheap and easy to set up, get some! So many women end up in bad situations because they don't want to be rude. He is violating your sense of privacy and space, he is being rude. Do not put his potential hurt feelings above your safety, and sanity. 

If he is peeping or creeping around your apartment, take his picture. Keep a journal of what he does. Report him! It's not okay to cuss at you, or creep around your residence. 

I did not read the entire thread. I do hope you have been able to deal with him, and are comfortable in your home now.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I am not trying to appear unsympathetic, but I guess I'm just wondering how much latitude does someone get just because they can't help it? The story up thread about the man who would unzip his pene'us was shocking to me. The way they dealt with it was keeping him on and just expecting everyone to see his penus and ask him to zip his pants??? I mean, at what point does someone's behavior, regard less of the tragic source, become a deal breaker? If I have a disability can I smack someone with a baseball bats as long as I can't help it? This seems very disconcerting to me.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

personofinterest said:


> I am not trying to appear unsympathetic, but I guess I'm just wondering how much latitude does someone get just because they can't help it? The story up thread about the man who would unzip his pene'us was shocking to me. The way they dealt with it was keeping him on and just expecting everyone to see his penus and ask him to zip his pants??? I mean, at what point does someone's behavior, regard less of the tragic source, become a deal breaker? If I have a disability can I smack someone with a baseball bats as long as I can't help it? This seems very disconcerting to me.



I agree with you POI, if said individual can not having behavior of society, then we the structure individuals must assist them. To keep them safe of themselves or others and should be able to cope with everyday events. If not place where that can better be cared for.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> I am not trying to appear unsympathetic, but I guess I'm just wondering how much latitude does someone get just because they can't help it? The story up thread about the man who would unzip his pene'us was shocking to me. The way they dealt with it was keeping him on and just expecting everyone to see his penus and ask him to zip his pants??? I mean, at what point does someone's behavior, regard less of the tragic source, become a deal breaker? If I have a disability can I smack someone with a baseball bats as long as I can't help it? This seems very disconcerting to me.


No, the expectation was for him to zip his pants - which he did, and I never saw anything. His actions were not suggestive or threatening although it may come across that way in type. His actions were socially inappropriate, and he was relearning as best as possible these things which he would have been oblivious to. He was not a creep.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Tilted 1 said:


> I agree with you POI, if said individual can not having behavior of society, then we the structure individuals must assist them. To keep them safe of themselves or others and should be able to cope with everyday events. If not place where that can better be cared for.


And in the example I gave, this was part of his receiving assistance. The team had been successful in teaching him to go to the bathroom when he needed to go - not just anywhere. He was married, had been a significant leader in his field prior to the ABI.

I am not suggesting FW needs to put up with feeling intimidated but certainly should raise this with building management. And they may be aware already of such actions.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

heartsbeating said:


> personofinterest said:
> 
> 
> > I am not trying to appear unsympathetic, but I guess I'm just wondering how much latitude does someone get just because they can't help it? The story up thread about the man who would unzip his pene'us was shocking to me. The way they dealt with it was keeping him on and just expecting everyone to see his penus and ask him to zip his pants??? I mean, at what point does someone's behavior, regard less of the tragic source, become a deal breaker? If I have a disability can I smack someone with a baseball bats as long as I can't help it? This seems very disconcerting to me.
> ...


I dont think he was a creep. But how far do we go? If he was an elementary school teacher, and his ABI caused him to randomly pull down children's pants, do we accommodate because "he can't help it?"

We seem to increasingly be doing things like this...


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your story reminds me of the movie Trapped In Silence, with Keifer Sutherland, in an offhand way. Mentally 'different' young man but who still has sexual urges. Saw it decades ago and never forgot that aspect. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092108/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_96


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> I dont think he was a creep. But how far do we go? If he was an elementary school teacher, and his ABI caused him to randomly pull down children's pants, do we accommodate because "he can't help it?"
> 
> We seem to increasingly be doing things like this...


Id be surprised if that was ever an actual scenario. 

However, let’s get this thread back on track. 

FW ...how are you going?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Figured I would update this. Thank you to everyone for being so supportive.

Since the last post, I have only seen this guy once. I was at the pool with my exh on one side of me and my adult son on the other. They both had been informed of what had happened.

The guy did not even come close to us, he went directly to the other side of the pool. He made conversation with some other gal at the pool and I ignored him completely. My son and exh made eye contact with him several times and gave off a vibe (you know the type of vibe men give when they are feeling protective of a woman around a questionable man).

Nothing since and I’m glad and relieved. The pool is closed now (wahhhhhhh, summers over!) and I haven’t seen him parading around the complex like he had been doing. Honestly I almost feel like he’s not here anymore. Maybe he moved?

Strangely, one night when my (not any longer) boyfriend was here, some people came up to us while we were put on my deck pretty late at night. They asked me if I knew the guy who lived above me. I said I didn’t but I usually hear him up there. They said his mother asked them to come check on him because he had not shown up for work for 2 days. My heart sank as I realized I had not heard any movement up there for a few days. I told them they should call 911 and ask for a welfare check.

They did. Police, fire and ambulance came. They found him dead. :frown2:

It was a really weird night. I was so appreciative the boyfriend was here that night. I still don’t know if it was a suicide or an accident or what.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Figured I would update this. Thank you to everyone for being so supportive.
> 
> Since the last post, I have only seen this guy once. I was at the pool with my exh on one side of me and my adult son on the other. They both had been informed of what had happened.
> 
> ...


Aww that's sad. Why no longer boyfriend?

I'm happy the guy hasn't been more of an issue :smile2: As for the guy dying... your apartment complex is starting to sound really creepy :|


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BioFury said:


> Aww that's sad. Why no longer boyfriend?
> 
> I'm happy the guy hasn't been more of an issue :smile2: As for the guy dying... your apartment complex is starting to sound really creepy :|


No longer boyfriend...literally the weekend after our first date, his sister had a life threatening injury. After that, they stabilized her but she had to have her foot and then later, her entire leg amputated. This meant that she now has months of physical rehab to go through and during this, her two kids are staying with now no longer boyfriend. His life turned so upside down that there was just no space in his life to also nurture a budding relationship with me. It was really sad for us, but of course way more sad for him and his family. Nothing I can do, nothing he can do to change this. So we let it go. He was not going ask me to wait around until that got sorted out. And I will not wait, however if I’m still free whenever he does get it sorted out, it’s possible we will reconnect.

My place....nah, it’s not creepy at all. It’s actually kind of like a posh resort. There are 600 units spread out over 4 city blocks. It is in a wonderful very expensive neighborhood where there are literally no other apartments, only posh houses. People die. Everyone dies. How they die is an individual matter, but with this many residents, it’s just a matter of time before one or more of us kick the bucket.

After that night, I did not want to bother anyone but I knew there were still people coming and going up there. His family I assumed, but I knew he had a girlfriend who was there sometimes but didn’t seem to live there all the time. One day I came home and had this note on my door. It was heartbreaking. I’ll try to attach it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

The cactus was there on my deck. It was just a little guy, so cute and sweet. I don’t know why this of all things was so important to her but regardless I took it up to the door of the apartment above me and left a note of condolence and sent a little prayer with it for her and his family.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Faithful Wife said:


> Figured I would update this. Thank you to everyone for being so supportive.


I'm sorry to hear of all the happenings.

However, I am appreciative of you updating your thread. I had been wondering how you are.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

And for what it's worth, can I do this for you? (((( virtual hugs ))))


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Ugghh...so sorry you have to deal with this. I'm also introverted and I hate confrontations. I'm also a "nice" person. Like I smile at people, etc. I want to be nice. But some men take advantage of this and get all creepy like this guy. Well worse than creepy in your case. I'm not very good at dealing with these situations so I don't really have good ideas. I tend to just try to avoid and often that impacts my life negatively, like being afraid to leave my home or altering my routes, etc. Not good and I feel so bad for you.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

JustTheWife said:


> Ugghh...so sorry you have to deal with this. I'm also introverted and I hate confrontations. I'm also a "nice" person. Like I smile at people, etc. I want to be nice. But some men take advantage of this and get all creepy like this guy. Well worse than creepy in your case. I'm not very good at dealing with these situations so I don't really have good ideas. I tend to just try to avoid and often that impacts my life negatively, like being afraid to leave my home or altering my routes, etc. Not good and I feel so bad for you.


 @heartsbeating Thanks for the hug!!!
@JustTheWife thanks for the support, you get it. Ugh. However I do have a feeling maybe he has moved away. I haven't seen him at all since that last time at the pool, and normally he is out walking around the complex all the time.

I live like literally 1.5 minutes away from my work. So I run home for lunch and other things all the time. That's how I would end up seeing him walking around the complex all day (assumed he does not have a job). I'm in an out of my place at least 5 times a day at all hours of the day and he would always be around. Not necessarily close to my place but around.

I haven't seen him in so long now that it makes me think he just isn't here anymore. I also feel more settled, less anxious in general about him. Like his weird energy is gone now.

I hope so!


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> No longer boyfriend...literally the weekend after our first date, his sister had a life threatening injury. After that, they stabilized her but she had to have her foot and then later, her entire leg amputated. This meant that she now has months of physical rehab to go through and during this, her two kids are staying with now no longer boyfriend. His life turned so upside down that there was just no space in his life to also nurture a budding relationship with me. It was really sad for us, but of course way more sad for him and his family. Nothing I can do, nothing he can do to change this. So we let it go. He was not going ask me to wait around until that got sorted out. And I will not wait, however if I’m still free whenever he does get it sorted out, it’s possible we will reconnect.
> 
> My place....nah, it’s not creepy at all. It’s actually kind of like a posh resort. People die. Everyone dies. How they die is an individual matter, but with this many residents, it’s just a matter of time before one or more of us kick the bucket.
> 
> After that night, I did not want to bother anyone but I knew there were still people coming and going up there. His family I assumed, but I knew he had a girlfriend who was there sometimes but didn’t seem to live there all the time. One day I came home and had this note on my door. It was heartbreaking. I’ll try to attach it.


I don't recall, is his sister diabetic? And, wouldn't you be an asset during this crisis? Sure, he has a lot less time, but I would think his emotional need for you would skyrocket, rather than disappear, with the presence of a lot more negative stimulus in his life.

Well, it was more the combination of a man peeping in your windows, and the death of the tenant. But I'm happy you like it 

Yeah that _is_ heartbreaking. I hope the lady finds peace.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BioFury said:


> And, wouldn't you be an asset during this crisis? Sure, he has a lot less time, but I would think his emotional need for you would skyrocket, rather than disappear, with the presence of a lot more negative stimulus in his life.


He has to lean on his family for that support. We literally only were dating for a few weeks, maybe a month, by the end of it. And this crisis had already taken up a lot of his time and energy. We did not have time to get close enough to lean on each other at that level.

It’s not advisable for a woman to head into such an emotional situation and try to be a mans support when we do not have history yet. In the beginning stages of dating, you don’t act like someone’s wife. At best I could be his friend (and still am).

I can not (and he would not ask me to) be a girlfriend who is only there to support this massive emotional event and yet get none of the usual things a new girlfriend would get from a man, because he doesn’t have the energy or time to meet my needs. Remember he is now full time with her 2 kids. They need his support and time. So if I were to do all the work to make any time together, put all my needs on hold and just support his when he has the time for me, that would be a huge mistake.

If we had been together 6 months and I had been getting filled up with awesome girlfriend fulfillment all that time and we had become close enough that we felt it would continue in this manner, and then this event happened, things would be much different.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Was it creepy peeping guy who was found dead, or someone else. I got confused because the peeper wasn't seen for a bit when the dead tenant was discovered.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

manwithnoname said:


> Was it creepy peeping guy who was found dead, or someone else. I got confused because the peeper wasn't seen for a bit when the dead tenant was discovered.


Different guys. The guy who was found dead in the apartment above me was a random event, not related to creeper.

I do not know what unit or even what building the creeper lives in as I see him all over the campus and there are 600 units in 6 buildings over 4 city blocks.


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