# Why Does TAM Work?



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

I wanted to share a humorous anecdote with all of you.

When someone isn't having a breakthrough, I do venture outside this particular subforum from time to time.

There was a post from a woman wondering if she got her boyfriend to read NMMNG if she'd be more attracted to him.

I think you guys all know the answer to that. It's a relationship that's measured in a few months. Of course, they're already living together and she's freshly divorced.

She was really honest. She admitted she "never" really had that physical connection with him and was hoping if he manned up that she'd find it.

Of course, that relationship is doomed. And, to her credit, she did the right thing and gave him the freedom to look elsewhere.

In that dialogue, I ran across a thought-provoking post from a guy who wanted to moan about how "frequently and inappropriately" the whole idea of NMMNG is applied to relationships on this board.

He - literally - went on for paragraphs about the sorry state of relationships and that this is a one-sized fits all band-aid that likely doesn't do any good at all.

At the end of his rant, I politely asked.

"Tell me about the people you've helped"

I'm still waiting for his answer.

I'll bet Christmas comes first.

Of course, I hope you are laughing by now.

But, Janie and I have even discussed why I prefer TAM to "live" people.

It's because TAM - and THIS subforum in particular is where people are most likely to actually listen. It's the place where the thumbscrews have us to the wall and we're open to something truly different in our lives. And, we see the need for it.


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Damn, Conrad, pretty erudite stuff. 

I'd be really disappointed to find out you're working the night shift at TGIFridays. 

Keep cranking out this stuff. And have Janie make you a grilled cheese. With the thinly sliced tomatoes.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bullwinkle said:


> Damn, Conrad, pretty erudite stuff.
> 
> I'd be really disappointed to find out you're working the night shift at TGIFridays.
> 
> Keep cranking out this stuff. And have Janie make you a grilled cheese. With the thinly sliced tomatoes.


Winkle,

I'm a pharmacist who is dismayed that people turn to meds so quickly when the true answers lie within.


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

A pharmacist, really? Damn, send me 200 OxyContin stat. 

On second thought, you're right. Rather take some good advice and some heart-felt, soul-searching introspection.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Do I have to feel bad for my half a tablet of Zoloft I started taking last week now? LOL

As soon as I get out of this sham of a marriage, I promise I'm going t therapy though.


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

BF

Why would you want to mess with pharmaceuticals when Mother Alcohol is so readily available?

Just kidding. Conrad is the pharmacist.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bullwinkle said:


> A pharmacist, really? Damn, send me 200 OxyContin stat.


I see where your heart is.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BFGuru said:


> Do I have to feel bad for my half a tablet of Zoloft I started taking last week now? LOL
> 
> As soon as I get out of this sham of a marriage, I promise I'm going t therapy though.


Not possible to go during?

I'm not against medication - obviously.

I just see so many so desperate to avoid the hard work of righting their own ship.


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

I've never taken any drug in my life except for aspirin and Lipitor. 

My heart is all about trying to mend my heart.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Bullwinkle said:


> I've never taken any drug in my life except for aspirin and Lipitor.
> 
> My heart is all about trying to mend my heart.


I do log in everyday hoping to hear about posOMW's reaction - through STBXW, of course.


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

I called Dublin this afternoon. Their answering machine was classic, all I could think of was, "They're always after me Lucky Charms. Hearts, moons, clovers...."

No reply. Will call very early tomorrow morning, try to catch POSOMW before she leaves for work. Two teenage daughters. I think these three females will LOSE THEIR MINDS when I give them the verdict about Papa San and his extra curricular activities.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TAM works primarily because it not only allows a person who is seeking answers to his own particular concerns/social situations; it also allows him to use those solicited answers, in addition to their own personal life experiences to help address the problems of others.

And quite frankly, I seem to get far greater satisfaction from the latter!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

This forum is very active and the atmosphere is positive and helpful. I have improved more since joining than I have in all the years of therapy. 

It like having several therapist helping you at the same time. One or two will offer insight that rings true and helps to activate the reframing that you need. 

The oppurtunity to help other people also helps me.

Great place.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> This forum is very active and the atmosphere is positive and helpful. I have improved more since joining than I have in all the years of therapy.
> 
> It like having several therapist helping you at the same time. One or two will offer insight that rings true and helps to activate the reframing that you need.
> 
> ...


Those who helped me have a special place in my heart.


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## workingatit (Nov 13, 2012)

Its funny because my counselor asked if I wanted a prescription to help me deal with the immense stress of my separation...I said no way...she was so relieved...

I have been living on these boards for about 3 weeks now and do not have a clue where I would be without them....the support, education, feedback and step by step rules to navigating a separation to try and bring it to a reconciliation has been UNBELIEVABLE.....

Whether I wind up in D or R ---- TAM is the place I will be......


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Bullwinkle said:


> BF
> 
> Why would you want to mess with pharmaceuticals when Mother Alcohol is so readily available?
> 
> Just kidding. Conrad is the pharmacist.


Because I would need a ton of zofran and compzine to stomach the amounts of alcohol needed to numb me at this point?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

If it weren't for TAM and IC I would be a drunken mess living in limbo sucking up love crumbs and lies like a vacuum. 

I've gained so much insight, empathy, and perspective. I came with the goal of saving my marriage. I remain to save myself. And perhaps help someone.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Conrad said:


> Not possible to go during?
> 
> I'm not against medication - obviously.
> 
> I just see so many so desperate to avoid the hard work of righting their own ship.


Therapists are over an hour away. Planning on moving a mile from the kids psych though, so it would be much more feasible then. They want me on 50 but I don't want to be numb. So I'm sticking with the 25 for now. Just enough to take the edge off until I can get to therapy. I've taken it in succession with therapy before, and am not adverse to taking it when absolutely needed, but once I feel in control again I stop again. Last time I took it was 6 years ago. Took for two years and was finally able to stop 4 years ago.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

BFGuru said:


> Therapists are over an hour away. Planning on moving a mile from the kids psych though, so it would be much more feasible then. They want me on 50 but I don't want to be numb. So I'm sticking with the 25 for now. Just enough to take the edge off until I can get to therapy. I've taken it in succession with therapy before, and am not adverse to taking it when absolutely needed, but once I feel in control again I stop again. Last time I took it was 6 years ago. Took for two years and was finally able to stop 4 years ago.


For people with serious chemical imbalances, the stuff is a godsend.

Yet, I KNOW stress and emotional duress can create those chemical imbalances.

How you are using it is perfect. Not as a wheelchair, but as a crutch until you're ready to walk on your own.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Yay! I'm perfect!


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## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

This forum was the first place to help me out of my black hole and gain enough perspective and guts to fight back and stop being a victim. This place gave me the 'want' to get out of bed. The want to get IC and group for domestic violence (elegirl).  etc...helped me realize it was time to find an azzhole atty...fight for my rights...stop being a victim and start taking back control...


And....this forum...these wonderful guys helped me friggin snow plow my dam long driveway! I had no idea how to start or run the machine...they took the make and model number down...gave me instructions...I snow blowed for the first time in my life...took a pic of it and I felt soooooo great! It was a feeling of accomplishment very important to me. :') 

As for others...I do have a say it like it is personality...I'm not much of a holly coddler ...suger Coater ...if my advice can be handled ...it is from my heart...I give it with compassion and love...I care...and I feel...especially if I really like someone...I understand mental anguish...mourning and pain....the sense of loss...and the 'why syndrome'....ill always wanna hug you....or smack you....so physical touch might be a must! 

TAM is my family. I go to the other forums and read...chime in here and there ...slowly get to know others...drink in their knowledge ...and smile at their break throughs....


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

Stella Moon said:


> TAM is my family. I go to the other forums and read...chime in here and there ...slowly get to know others...drink in their knowledge ...and smile at their break throughs....


^^^THIS^^^
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I will echo Stella. TAM is family.

TAM was there when my world disintegrated and I needed a place to talk, to question, to scream and to cry. It was there when I crashed and it was there when I soared. It helped me find strength within myself that I didn’t know was there. 

I stay because I have come to care about those who cared about me when I needed people to care. I stay because of those I have met in their times of need.

TAM has given me so much more than I can say and I am eternally grateful.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> A pharmacist, really? Damn, send me 200 OxyContin stat.
> 
> On second thought, you're right. Rather take some good advice and some heart-felt, soul-searching introspection.



BW you aren't my wife are you?


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## K.C. (Dec 1, 2012)

:lol::rofl: 

See posts like that is why TAM works.

While there is plenty of oh woe is me and 2x4'ing going on, it is the friendly and sometimes fun nature of the place that makes it so effective in getting us the support we seek.

I for one am equally amazed at the friendliness of the place as the advice and support.

:smthumbup:


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Yes, GP, been meaning to tell you, I AM your wife. I'm not really in rehab in Alabama, I'm hiding out in DC. 

Hope the kids are okay, send money and some RC cola and I'm dying for a Moon pie.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> Yes, GP, been meaning to tell you, I AM your wife. I'm not really in rehab in Alabama, I'm hiding out in DC.
> 
> Hope the kids are okay, send money and some RC cola and I'm dying for a Moon pie.


Moon pies stuffed with oxycontin.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

OC jitters don't hold a candle to RC+Moon Pie jonesing


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

LOL. 

Keeping an eye on your thread, GP. You're really holding it all together. The whole thing with her addiction, it's gotta be awful, but there's gotta be some relief just in having her out of the picture, albeit a short time....


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

OC jitters? I'm an old Yankee, Old Timer, what's that?


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> OC jitters? I'm an old Yankee, Old Timer, what's that?


Never mind that. What’s a moon pie? Or am I walking into something here?!!


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

FrostFlower

Moon pies are like big Scooter pies, we had them growing up in Boston, don't know if you did in Canada. 

Hockey, clam chowder and Scooter pies. All we cared about. (Oh, and beer).


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> FrostFlower
> 
> Moon pies are like big Scooter pies, we had them growing up in Boston, don't know if you did in Canada.
> 
> Hockey, clam chowder and Scooter pies. All we cared about. (Oh, and beer).


And a Scooter pie is....??


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Well, it's round and wafery and has marshmallow inside and coated in chocolate and it's big, covers your hand....


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

BW..."OC jitters" - oxycontin withdrawal tremors.

FF...

*Moon Pie:*


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> Well, it's round and wafery and has marshmallow inside and coated in chocolate and it's big, covers your hand....





old timer said:


> BW..."OC jitters" - oxycontin withdrawal tremors.
> 
> FF...
> 
> *Moon Pie:*


Thanks, guys.

Sounds delightfully caloric.

Looks like what we call a Mae West, except that is vanilla cake with a creme filling covered in chocolate. Or a Jos Louis which is chocolate cake with creme covered in chocolate.....man, now I’m craving junk food!


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Goo Goo Clusters are also very awesome.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Goo Goo Clusters are also very awesome.


Never heard of the (although they sound awesome!). But good news, my American TAM friends, la creme de la creme (sorry forget how to type accents) of Canadian junk food is headed your way:

10 Canadian Snack Cakes That Will Make You Forget About Twinkies | Food Republic

Twinkies, move over!


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Damn, FF, gonna have to come up just to get a Jelly Log.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> Damn, FF, gonna have to come up just to get a Jelly Log.


You’re always welcome, Bullwinkle. Our sugar is your sugar!


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## Bullwinkle (Feb 4, 2013)

Thanks, FF. Very gracious of you.


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## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Bullwinkle said:


> Thanks, FF. Very gracious of you.


Say nothing of it, Winkle. My weight problem is your weight problem!


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

Best thing about TAM

you do not hear what you want to

you hear what you need to


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## Pbartender (Dec 6, 2012)

Chuck71 said:


> Best thing about TAM
> 
> you do not hear what you want to
> 
> you hear what you need to


And you hear from people who've heard it themselves.


Pb.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

I don't know where I'd be without TAM and all you people. I can't get out of bed when I can't sleep and go see my IC. I can't just drive over to the church for DivorceCare on a Saturday evening when I'm missing my kids. TAM is always there for me and ready to help with anything.

It's cathartic. 

Speaking of DivorceCare, I've told my group about TAM and how much it's helped me. One of the guys finally logged in last night and said he found some good stuff. I really hope more of them check it out and hopefully get as much out of it as I do.


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

When someone hits the roller coaster, they are not thinking straight. I was definately not. You are woken up on TAM either by posting your situation and receiving feedback or reading about others. 

Yes....yes I know....my situation is different. Hate to say it but, unless your marriage is fractured by aliens....it will not take too long to be reading one and say "WTF...this is me!" Mainly there are a handful of patterns most tend to follow (cheaters, psychos, lunatic, et. al.) The moment I saw my (then) wife as a criminal and profiled her....the games were over. I set her up in a position and heard what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to. But....if not for TAM, I would have been about four months later in deciding that.

I was still clouded a few months ago but Zillard, GutPunched and ReGroup saw right through it. They too were still clouded in their own issues but when it was someone else, their emotions were not invested. Once you pull back your emotions, the sun shines a lot brighter.


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