# in need of advice



## lyfeisreal (Dec 4, 2011)

Hello,I'm new here.I just really need to talk.I met my now wife in high school when I was 16.she was 17.she was the new girl(family moved from another state).we started dating and everything was good for what it was.of course, I wasn't expecting it to be a serious or anything.we were just kids.I had my wild oats to sew,so to speak.a couple years out of school she got pregnant.now,my parents were divorced when I was in 4th grade and after that,my dad was never really in my life.I always told myself I would never be like him.that I would never leave my child.with that mindset,i became a family man at 20 yrs old.no going out with friends,partying,drinking,or anything.I stayed home with my girlfriend and our son.before our son,I had no plans of being with a high school sweetheart for the rest of my life(how often does that work out)?but like I said,I made a promise to myself.so here I am doing "the right thing".
we move in together,start a life and whatnot.I'm feeling like I'm missing out on life.now I'm resenting my decision,so I start the occasional hanging with the fellas thing.comepletely innocent mind you.all of a sudden I'm accused of cheating! She becomes really insecure.I've caught her going through my wallet,glove box of my car and my phone.everything I have written so far is from 97-2005.
I had finally had enough of the accusations and her wanting me to only be around her at all times,so I moved back in with my mom.she went back to her parents.I'm still able to see my son,so it wasn't a big deal to me. A couple months later her parents fall on hard times and decide to move back to where they came from.750 miles away to be exact,and she's moving back also! Wtf am I to do? I can't just let my son leave me like that.me and her talk and decide that I would go with them,and try to make it work.what other choice did I have?try to be a long distance dad?
Ok so now here I am 25 years old in another state 12 hrs away with family or friends trying to start over in a relationship that I know I wouldn't be in had we not had a child.so,I play the role like everything is good,I'm happy.truely in love if u will.after about. 5mos I got very homesick,kinda depressed and told her I was leaving.i tried to rationalize by thinking I could just drive up on weekends and holidays to see my son....750 miles one way! That didn't happen.after 2mos I couldn't handle how much I missed him so I moved back.
I'm backtracking here,but after our son was born,she and her folks started talking about marriage.I would always say I'm not ready,or its just a piece of paper just because I didn't want to get married.we end up in our own place here.I'm still not truely happy.I would rather be living back home,but I put on this front again like evrything great.she brings up marriage again. Her mom starts asking me what I'm waiting on.after being together for 11 yrs,I couldn't put it off any longer and I felt like maybe she would break up with me.I have no family here,so I would have to move back home away from my son.I just couldn't let that happen!
So,I finally go ahead and ask her to marry me.she's happy,her family's happy.we have been married 2yrs now.our son is 11 and I feel like I'm just existing.mind you,even since we moved here her insecurities never went away.she still gets mad when I go anywhere without her.I've met some new friends(all married) and we hang out occasionally.the last big arguement we had,I was at my friends recording studio.she texted me talking about I better not be with no girl.then she said matter of don't come home! I left right then.I got home and sent my son to his friends house and we had a big talk.I let everything I had been feeling all these years out.about her insecurity and trust issues.how I can go anywhere I want no questions asked if I take my son.how I can go to a car show,bar or anywhere without issue if I'm with her brother.if I do ANY of those things alone or with friends other than family,all H breaks loose!
I told her how much resentment I had for her for leaving me no choice but to move here.everytime I get a call from back home and my mom is sick,or my brother is having surgery,or my sisters husband hit her and I'm not there for them I resent her even more.I told her the only time were intimate is when I initiate it.I asked her if she realized that we don't even talk.we have nothing to talk about other than work.we don't have conversations.we're just here.her response was total shock.she says she had no idea she did those things or how I felt.she started crying and asked what we could do to save our family and to please let her work on herself.
I told her what would make me happy would be to move back home.we could go visit,fill out job applications,and stay with family till we get on our feet.she's not hearing it.she says we can look into it.a couple days later she says she's not moving.she loves her husband and wants to keep her family together,but if I feel like I want to leave,I can.I honestly think that is her mom talking.she has always been close to her,and whatever her mom says,she usually goes with.like I said this whole relationship is not what I wanted.I just wanted to be better than my dad. I guess my question is,what do I do? I don't want to stay nor will she move.do I stay in this marriage for my son's sake?can it work?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## susyanne (Dec 2, 2011)

You have one life and one life only.... you have to do what will truly make you happy. I think you already know the answer to your problems. Good luck


----------



## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

I agree. You already made a decision. Act on it and quit the pain you are causing for all involved.


----------



## lyfeisreal (Dec 4, 2011)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## RunningOnEmpty (Aug 29, 2010)

Will you move back once you divorce? How often will you see your son?


----------



## lyfeisreal (Dec 4, 2011)

I guess that's where my problem is.we have been together over 11 years.married for 2 years,and for the most part she thinks everything is good.well,she thought that until I sat her down for that conversation.I know a lot of this is my fault for pretending and going with the motions for so long.what you should know about my wife is that she is extremely sensitive,emotional and insecure.I have always had to watch what I say and how I say it to her,because she takes things to heart.when I say that I don't mean during arguments.I mean simply joking or regular talking when you're just having fun(don't even think of being sarcastic!) 
She told me a week after our talk(I was still undecided about moving back home)she thought about taking pills.she has never been suicidal,so I'm not sure if she was serious or not.maybe she loves me that much?
Our talk was 4mos ago,I eventually told her I wasn't leaving.we would try to make it work.what I couldn't tell her was that it wasn't because of her that I was staying.I could not bring myself to leave my son again.
These are the reasons I feel stuck: she won't move back because she has no family there,and there is no way she's leaving her mom.she won't admit this,but I know this is the reason.
I'm not happy here,but I refuse to not be in my sons life,so here I am.
I have no family here,so if I move out I am completely on my own.no suppport system,and that only solves the issue of not wanting to be with her.I would still be living here,the resentment isn't going anywhere.
Neither of us would be able to afford the townhouse we live in now.she would have to move also.I worry about if she will be able to make it financially,and how much different our son's life will be.of course I would pay child support,but still I know it would be tough on both of us.
I really feel stuck,and have no idea what to do.I know what I want to do,but I just can't.there doesn't seem to be any middle ground.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

STAY. Your wife is interested in making it work just give her the chance. Speak to her mother as well. Make some conditions like she has to give you your space and trust you. A counselor could also help. I think you can make a go of it. Good luck.


----------

