# Put a fork in me. I'm done.



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I dunno. Maybe because I'm married, maybe because I'm a normally functioning member of the human race.. for whatever reason, I had the bad manners of actually approaching my wife for sex last night. She actually told me that she thinks I like rejection because I keep trying. She wins. No more trying...at least not with her. Yesterday she was a woman. Today, she might as well be furniture.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

So what are you going to do?


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## karma*girl (Apr 28, 2012)

: / Sooo frustrating, I'm sorry!
Being in a similar place as you, I am pulling back & easing all pressure. I pretty much know that will help.
Hang in there, in the mean time, as best you can!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

Well, your wife's words show that she has no interest in having a sex life with you.

If you have already tried the usual tactics (discussions, romance, meeting emotional needs, becoming more alpha) and still no dice, it might be time to think of a separation.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

That aint really an option. She's disabled, unemployed, and requires medical treatment. She's on my insurance. She can't support herself and I won't shove her off on the taxpayers. I married her for better or worse. It is what it is. Frustration is expecting one thing and getting something else. I just won't expect anything.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

will you get a surrogate spouse ?? what does your wife expect for you to do ?? do it but dont tell ?? I am just curious sorry to hear about your spouse


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She expects me to live with forced celibacy without exhibitting any unpleasant reaction.


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## mrcow (Jan 27, 2010)

and I thought I had problems..

man, that is.. beyond crazy. as much as I'd like to give an opinion or a suggestion on what to do, I have none. 

this is the eternal question on how much are we responsible for those we have tamed, this way or another. either way you go, there will be folks who will say - well done and there will be others who'll say - how could you, so it all boils down to yourself and whether/how you'll be able to live with the decision you're apparently going to make. 

I can only pray to never face a situation like this. be strong!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

WTF?! How can you possibly let a woman say THAT to you? She just turned you down, and then rubbed it in some more. FFS! My wife can go fk off if she ever did that. PLEASE tell me that you stood up for yourself.

What have you done to remedy this situation of utter disrespect from your wife? I put my wife through two freakin separations (though short) and it was enough to prove a point that she can't push me around. I think it's time you do the same, it means a lot of healing later, but this is ridicolous.

Even now, if my wife said anything like that I would most definitely tell her to fk off with the "no flirting with others" rule and remind her how easy it is for me to get someone else. I won't cheat, not ever again, but I will let her know that I'm moving on.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> She's disabled, unemployed, and requires medical treatment. She's on my insurance.


So you're her caretaker only! I really don't know what to tell you either. Have you ever point blank asked her, what are you supposed to do for love and sex?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Sh-t ack! So sorry, I didn't read the following posts. I had no idea your wife is disabled... =/

Disregard what I said >.<


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> She's disabled, unemployed, and requires medical treatment.


Is her medical condition why she isn't interested in sex? Is she in pain?

Physical pain can make people want to die...sex isn't going to be a priority then.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

What is her disability? Is she using it as her excuse not to have sex with you? I take it that her disability does NOT make sex impossible for her?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> Sh-t ack! So sorry, I didn't read the following posts. I had no idea your wife is disabled... =/
> 
> Disregard what I said >.<


Disabled or not, there's no reason to taunt someone with a phrase like "You must really like rejection"...!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

True, that was pretty brutal, disabled or no...

Reminds me of that time when I saw a lady on a wheelchair pushing herself up a slope, I offered assistance and she yelled at me going "get out of my way or I'll run you over" lol, should have turned the wheelchair around and pushed her back downhill


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

i will get chopped off at the knees for this, but, have you considered getting a FWB? i mean, it sounds like she cant really survive without you right now, or at least it would seem to be a very tough thing for her to do. so without you she struggles and her life becomes extrememly uncomfortable. yet she boldly makes the statement that you must like to be rejected? thats bullcorn.

i would love to hear her answer to the question, "what am i supposed to do for love, companionship and intimacy? maybe she will bless you getting a FWB. surely she doesnt want you to be her hostage


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> That aint really an option. She's disabled, unemployed, and requires medical treatment. She's on my insurance. She can't support herself and I won't shove her off on the taxpayers. I married her for better or worse. It is what it is. Frustration is expecting one thing and getting something else. I just won't expect anything.


I applaud you for sticking with the for better or worse. All I can tell you is that you may not expect anything but your resentment is only going to go through the roof. Along with your bitterness towards her.

As far as shoving her on the taxpayers, give it another couple of years and I will be supporting a whole lot more of them....



unbelievable said:


> She expects me to live with forced celibacy without exhibitting any unpleasant reaction.


Sort of what we expected from the Catholic church too... 

This is what is called an unrealistic expectation. I would flat out express to her that this is not your expectation and something needs to be worked out. Marriage revolves around compromise, big and small. If she is unwilling (or unable) to perform, there should be a compromise for you to get your needs meet as well. Expecting you to stop simply because she does not want to is BS in my opinion. 

It's like asking an alcoholic to stop drinking, they won't stop simly because you want them to. They will just get better at hiding it. You have perfectly normal needs that you would like to have satisfied. Sounds like you provide and do everything for her, I don't think a compromise unreasonable. 

If she doesn't like it, what is she going to do about it? Almost no jurisdictions have fault based divorce anymore.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

You know, you can divorce and still keep her on your medical plan right?

Then dump her on her family and let her live with them if her disability does not preclude sex.

What she said to you is so very hurtful and shows a complete lack of respect or caring for you.

My wife and I have our issues regarding intimacy and frequency but if she said this to me (and there was no physical reason why she couldn't have sex) I would be out of there faster than you could say rejection


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your not done or you would leave ...your still basting


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> I dunno. Maybe because I'm married, maybe because I'm a normally functioning member of the human race.. for whatever reason, I had the bad manners of actually approaching my wife for sex last night. She actually told me that she thinks I like rejection because I keep trying. She wins. No more trying...at least not with her. * Yesterday she was a woman. Today, she might as well be furniture.*


Marriage between humans and inanimate objects is not legal.

Looks like you found your out.

Run.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

jaquen said:


> Marriage between humans and inanimate objects is not legal.


Site your source.


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## forlorn99 (May 20, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> She expects me to live with forced celibacy without exhibitting any unpleasant reaction.


First do not beg for sex, you need to have a frank discussion with her about your options. You need to tell her in no uncertain terms that no sex is not an option so either she needs to get help (therapy) or make a decision that she is going to be sexual again or you are going to pursue other options.


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## Created2Write (Aug 25, 2011)

That is one of the most disrespectful things I've ever heard of a woman saying to her husband! That's beyond rejection, that's mocking what she knows to be an emotional and physical need for you. It's unloving, selfish, spiteful, and, in my personal opinion, downright evil. 

I have no idea what advice to give you...does she have family that could take her in if you were to separate? This isn't just unhealthy for you, it's unhealthy for her, though she may not realize it. She needs to be given a reality check that you are her _equal_, and she made vows to you too. It is so honorable that you want to stay and help take care of her. You obviously have more heart than she does. 

I'm so sorry you're in this situation.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

so sad.....I am so sorry that she said that to you......disabled or not she did not have a right to say that to you!!!! She should of have atleast enough respect to talk to you and tell you why or the reason ..... I hope you answer some of the questions on here asked!!


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

OP, would you mind putting this into a little more context? What kind of disability does she have? A disability in and of itself does not necessarily prevent a healthy sex life. The fact that you approached her for sex implies to me that functionally she can engage in the act itself. Do you think she is using her disability as an excuse to not have sex? Can her current situation be a temporary issue that she is trying to get past and you are losing patience with her over this temporary set back? I'm trying to understand the situation better so that I can give you an informed decision. I think the OP is a pretty emotional statement and you may need help working through something.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She's got chronic depression, bipolar, wicked back pain, chronic fatigue, and apparently some pretty weird female problems. She has doctors, shrinks, accupuncturist, chiropractor,etc,etc. It's not like she doesn't want help. I think when she talks to the doc, he thinks it's a psych thing and when she talks to the shrink, he thinks it's a physical problem. The accupuncturist and the chiropractor both believe that needles and adjustments will cure anything. A pure physical disability would probably be easier to work around because you can discuss things with a reasonable mind. No matter how I ask her to participate a bit more in the marriage, she tells me she should just kill herself, or I should just divorce her or some other way over-the-top response. As far as it being temporary, I really don't think so. It's been this way about 11years. From what I understand about bipolar, it's not going to go away and it'll likely get worse as she ages.


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## Cyclist (Aug 22, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Disabled or not, there's no reason to taunt someone with a phrase like "You must really like rejection"...!


My ex said that to me ONCE....just ONCE.

I had an affair. Now she's my ex. I wish would not have acts out on the affair and I bet she wishes she never ever said that.

Can't blame you for being frustrated.


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## kl84 (Jan 26, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> She's got chronic depression, bipolar, wicked back pain, chronic fatigue, and apparently some pretty weird female problems. She has doctors, shrinks, accupuncturist, chiropractor,etc,etc. It's not like she doesn't want help. I think when she talks to the doc, he thinks it's a psych thing and when she talks to the shrink, he thinks it's a physical problem. The accupuncturist and the chiropractor both believe that needles and adjustments will cure anything. A pure physical disability would probably be easier to work around because you can discuss things with a reasonable mind. No matter how I ask her to participate a bit more in the marriage, she tells me she should just kill herself, or I should just divorce her or some other way over-the-top response. As far as it being temporary, I really don't think so. It's been this way about 11years. From what I understand about bipolar, it's not going to go away and it'll likely get worse as she ages.


That's a TOUGH spot to be in..... My mom and dad were similar from what I now understand. It took my dad 37 years before he decided he couldn't take anymore. They are in the process of divorce now. But he never put his foot down. He never gave her an ultimatum, never separated, didn't even try anything. He just gave in each and every time. So I consider him to be at fault just as much as my mom. If you feed the dragon, he's gonna eat....and eat.....and eat. STOP feeding it! My parents are proof that your situation could potentially last 4 decades...... She's not going to fix things on her own so long as you stay, pay, take care, nurture, etc. My Dad always thought he was doing a noble thing by being a martyr to his marriage vows, even if my mom wasn't holding up her end of the bargain. He also thought he was doing us kids some sort of service by staying with our mother only to divorce her now. I can tell you it's more devastating now than it would have been back then. At least back then everyone would have had a chance to get accustomed to it and move on with a new life...... now.....after ALL these years, NOW he decides he wants to bail.....after he basically helped create a monster by never putting his foot down from the get-go. You are NOT your wife's caretaker. You are her partner. If it's not a team effort you need to do something about it *now*.


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## jameskimp (May 8, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> She's got chronic depression, bipolar, wicked back pain, chronic fatigue, and apparently some pretty weird female problems. She has doctors, shrinks, accupuncturist, chiropractor,etc,etc. It's not like she doesn't want help. I think when she talks to the doc, he thinks it's a psych thing and when she talks to the shrink, he thinks it's a physical problem. The accupuncturist and the chiropractor both believe that needles and adjustments will cure anything. A pure physical disability would probably be easier to work around because you can discuss things with a reasonable mind. No matter how I ask her to participate a bit more in the marriage, she tells me she should just kill herself, or I should just divorce her or some other way over-the-top response. As far as it being temporary, I really don't think so. It's been this way about 11years. From what I understand about bipolar, it's not going to go away and it'll likely get worse as she ages.


So you're staying in the marriage out of guilt and pity while you continue to grow more and more resentful? For better or for worse doesn't apply to every marriage. Just go take a look at the coping with infidelity section.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

kl84 said:


> My Dad always thought he was doing a noble thing by being a martyr to his marriage vows, even if my mom wasn't holding up her end of the bargain.


Although my mother isn't disabled my parents have much the same dynamic. They should have divorced 30 years ago. Instead they stay in a sexless, loveless, bitter marriage...to this very day. 

I sometimes wonder if my inability to have a successful marrige had something to do with the fact I never really had a role model.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

unbelievable said:


> She expects me to live with forced celibacy without exhibitting any unpleasant reaction.


Your wife needs to meet my husband.
"And don't be resentful about it"
Ha!
I am.


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