# Shared FB Post



## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Hi everyone,


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Did you ask him what he meant by that?


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Did you ask him what he meant by that?


Of course but I am asking for objective thoughts. Curious how this is perceived.


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## hawx20 (Jan 10, 2013)

Without knowing your story, this can go either way. I assume he is the WS.

Either he came to terms with what he did and is forgiving himself hoping to get past this

OR

He realizes what he did, realizes that he cannot be the husband you deserve. He knows he screwed up and doesnt seem to be able to face you anymore and continue.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I would perceive it as being directly about you and him. And that he is unable to fix what he broke.

ETA upon a second reading, maybe he isn't giving up. Either of those two explanations given above.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

It sounds to me like he is saying that he is moving on and that he wants the world (or someone) to know it. I think it almost appears as though he is fishing for a specific response. But, because he is putting it out there, in the open, he can claim, to you, that he has nothing to hide and that he was simply being philosophical about the situation. This way, if he doesn't get the response that he was hoping for, he can keep the status quo. He's, also, trying very hard, to come across as the thoughtful, sensitive type who, although he recognizes his flaws and weaknesses, is accepting and acknowledging that he is powerless to them. 

It's a lot of bull$hit and I'd file for divorce and pitch him out on his a$$ so quick that he wouldn't know what hit him. When he acts hurt and shocked, tell him that you read his FB post, just like everyone else did, and that you completely agree with him. He did break the relationship beyond repair, but since he is struggling to let go and move on, you thought you'd help him out. Right out the door...... 

I don't know your story, so I might be way off base. But, that is my opinion based solely on the one comment he posted. I was the WS in my marriage, so I'm probably a little more cynical and distrusting that even many of the BS's on TAM. What he wrote was way out of line, and totally inexcusable, if you are supposed to be in reconciliation. I'd call him out on it ASAP.


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

It's kind of nebulous if you ask me he could be mussing over what has caused him to make the mistakes he has made in the past or talking about his current relationship with you now its hard to say really. The part that interest me however is this "*accepting that in some cases I was wrong"* again is he talking about past relationship or the current one if he talking about the current one now then it sounds a bit like blame shifting to me but I could be wrong. 


Honesty with statement this nebulous its hard to say what the true meaning is.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

A problem


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

asia said:


> A problem I have with the post is he made it public. 98% of everything else is private with the exception of a few things he's promoting for someone else. And here lately, more and more of his posts are public. If it were solely directed to me, why make it public when I'm friends on his page? I would have seen it anyway.



Yeah that is a tad bit odd


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## smileandlaugh (Mar 15, 2014)

Looking at it from the WS, I take it that he's messed up your relationship and realizes there's nothing he can do to make it perfect, again. Seems contrite to me, but that's taking his FB post out of context.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

EI said:


> It sounds to me like he is saying that he is moving on and that he wants the world (or someone) to know it. I think it almost appears as though he is fishing for a specific response. But, because he is putting it out there, in the open, he can claim, to you, that he has nothing to hide and that he was simply being philosophical about the situation. This way, if he doesn't get the response that he was hoping for, he can keep the status quo. He's, also, trying very hard, to come across as the thoughtful, sensitive type who, although he recognizes his flaws and weaknesses, is accepting and acknowledging that he is powerless to them.
> 
> .


I pretty much agree with this paragraph (but not the 2nd paragraph not quoted).

Usually when someone puts something like that on FB, it's to portray to others what they want to portray...and to show you what he is doing.

Seems to me he is acknowledging wrongdoing, but is done punishing himself for it.


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

asia said:


> A problem I have with the post is he made it public. 98% of everything else is private with the exception of a few things he's promoting for someone else. And here lately, more and more of his posts are public. If it were solely directed to me, why make it public when I'm friends on his page? I would have seen it anyway.


That convinces me even more that it wasn't directed towards you. He's fishing. It sounds like he isn't in direct contact with this person(s.) He's just "putting it out there" to see if someone will bite. Again, I don't know your story. I'm assuming your husband was the WS. Was it a one-time A or is he a serial cheater? I'm going to see if your story is posted and if so, I will read it. 

I keep my Facebook page very, very private. The ONLY time I make a post public is if it is about a lost dog in our area and I am trying to help spread the word. I even remove those posts if the dog is found or after a certain amount of time has passed. That way I can make sure that no one is privy to any of my personal business, including who my other FB friends are, unless they are on my FB friends list. As a side note, my husband has all of my passwords, and I have his, as well. 

It would seem to me that by making some of his posts public and some of them private that he is trying to control exactly who sees what on his Facebook acct. That appears a little suspect to me. You have to remember, I am looking at this through the eyes of a former WS.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Could it be directed at his girlfriend? If it was directed to you,, that would be silly. He can just talk to you. If most of his FB is private, why make this post public? Is it to send a message to a person he perceives as hurting, so this person can see it? Especially since I assume he is forbidden from contacting her through any and all means. I find this odd.

As an aside, I cannot stand people who post vague nebulous messages on Facebook. Just post some kids pics, tell me about your great weekend, and otherwise STFU.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

EI said:


> That convinces me even more that it wasn't directed towards you. He's fishing. It sounds like he isn't in direct contact with this person(s.) He's just "putting it out there" to see if someone will bite. Again, I don't know your story. I'm assuming your husband was the WS. Was it a one-time A or is he a serial cheater? I'm going to see if your story is posted and if so, I will read it.
> 
> I keep my Facebook page very, very private. The ONLY time I make a post public is if it is about a lost dog in our area and I am trying to help spread the word. I even remove those posts if the dog is found or after a certain amount of time has passed. That way I can make sure that no one is privy to any of my personal business, including who my other FB friends are, unless they are on my FB friends list. As a side note, my husband has all of my passwords, and I have his, as well.
> 
> It would seem to me that by making some of his posts public and some of them private that he is trying to control exactly who sees what on his Facebook acct. That appears a little suspect to me. You have to remember, I am looking at this through the eyes of a former WS.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

He will just cheat again unless he thinks you'll actually do something about it. Keep that in mind.

Otherwise, why stop?


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## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Could it be directed at his girlfriend? If it was directed to you,, that would be silly. He can just talk to you. If most of his FB is private, why make this post public? Is it to *send a message to a person he perceives as hurting, so this person can see it? Especially since I assume he is forbidden from contacting her through any and all means.* I find this odd.
> 
> As an aside, I cannot stand people who post vague nebulous messages on Facebook. Just post some kids pics, tell me about your great weekend, and otherwise STFU.



I think your on the money PhillyGuy that could be the point of the whole message while maintaining plausible deniability my question is if he in no contact with her how does he know she's hurting?? something to think about


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Its a shame when you can't even trust a simple FB post. smh


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Regardless of intent. If a facebook friend wrote something like that, and I didn’t know he was an adulterous lout, I would assume it is about his relationship with his wife and that he is moving on because he did something he didn’t think he could make up to you. 

(Being a BH, with a SA WW, I call bullsh!t in that it’s more likely the scraps weren’t enough and he gave up and is now fishing for support and a ‘poor you’ circle jerk).


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## EI (Jun 12, 2012)

asia said:


> Its a shame when you can't even trust a simple FB post. smh


It's your husband who can't be trusted. Facebook posts are only as "dangerous," as the person posting them. 

Facebook has been a genuinely wonderful resource for me in terms of allowing me to easily reconnect with many of my cousins and distant relatives who I hadn't seen or heard from since my childhood. 

It can be a great resource for networking, job searching, keeping up with your kids' activities (when they're younger,) and all kinds of other positive activities. 

But, a few years ago, when my marriage had crumbled, to what I felt was the point of no return, I used it to look up an old high school boyfriend. Then, I began a 15 month EA/PA. I wish I could blame Facebook. But, I can't. I have only myself to blame.

What did your husband say about the FB post? Every bit of my former WS spidey senses are screaming that your WH is fishing for someone. If he was/is a serial cheater, it may not be for anyone specific....... just ANYONE. Why do you stay?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

What is it? It's a one man pity party. That's what that FB post is.

Trying to make him look heroic and noble. But he isn't really!


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

asia said:


> Its a shame when you can't even trust a simple FB post. smh


That wasn't a simple Facebook post. 
Simple is:
Took the kids and wife to Disneyland, we all had a great time.

That post is so vague it is complex. Is it directed at you, a friend, a co-worker, a lover, a one night stand, etc etc etc? Trust me, it takes a ton of work to be vague.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Facebook drama looking for sympathy. Yawn.......


Woe is me......

And it looks like it's working. Sorry, I'm not buying the public crying. Seen it a million times.


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

Just my simple opinion but it sounds like double talk. Pretty confusing.


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## Paladin (Oct 15, 2011)

My read on it:

"Man, who knew eating crow and dealing with real life would actually be hard work? I thought that after a few months of me being on my best behavior, I would get my old life back and could go back to screwing whoever I wanted while using the woman I married as an emotional monkey rag. Well it seems like she is a dog with a bone and just refuses to get past this already, Ive had this nice rug picked out, and this push broom in my hands for months now, she wont let me sweep, and that really pisses me off. Since I'm not a real man, and love behaving like a coward, I'm going to call whatever it is we just went through as my best effort, and say that it was in my wifes best interest that we parted ways. I'm going to shout from every roof top that I martyred myself, and it still wasnt good enough, so I had no choice but to move on. Hopefully some insecure woman with weak boundaries will hear me shouting and come pay attention so I can start my dysfunctional behavior up again."

Not my most charitable outlook on the situation, but I'm grumpy tonight.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Someone


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> Could it be directed at his girlfriend? If it was directed to you,, that would be silly. He can just talk to you. If most of his FB is private, why make this post public? Is it to send a message to a person he perceives as hurting, so this person can see it? Especially since I assume he is forbidden from contacting her through any and all means. I find this odd.
> 
> As an aside, I cannot stand people who post vague nebulous messages on Facebook. Just post some kids pics, tell me about your great weekend, and otherwise STFU.


PhillyGuy, is it possible he's the one hurting and just putting it out there? He isn't in contact with the main OW so he wouldn't know how she feels. She's moved on (from what I can see from her social media).


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

It's just speculation on my part, as you requested. I just find it odd that all (98%) of his FB posts are private, but yet he goes out of his way to make this one public. As far as I know the only difference between private and public are:

private - only friends can see your posts
Public - the whole world can see your posts

Just odd. Hopefully nothing, and just my suspicious nature kicking in.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> It's just speculation on my part, as you requested. I just find it odd that all (98%) of his FB posts are private, but yet he goes out of his way to make this one public. As far as I know the only difference between private and public are:
> 
> private - only friends can see your posts
> Public - the whole world can see your posts
> ...


Yeah that was my thinking as well PhillyGuy.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

My wife posted a post on her FB page back in 2012, about moving on, drama ect. All the folks that "liked" it, supported her in her A. It was kind of a "I don't give a crap" quote. It was a slam against me but it could have been taken different ways and it was.

Seems too nebulous to me as far as your WH's post. Can be interpreted various ways.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

asia said:


> Someone else actually wrote the post, he shared it and stated it was the "story of his life" as well. He's not in contact with the OW to my knowledge and he blocked her anyway. Maybe he put it up there for her or someone else but I have a hard time believing it was about us when he made it public.


Have you checked all of the Facebook friend profiles? It's real easy to create a fake one to read posts. Personally, I'd make him shut it down if he wants to work on the marriage. Public, IMO, means he is sending out feelers.


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