# What next?!



## hurtingsobad (Oct 29, 2011)

Wife came by last night again to pick up some more clothes....I finally sat her down and asked her face to face what she was running from, if she wanted a divorce, etc.

Finally she said "I want a divorce". I asked if there was another man in her life, and she said "yes". I told her I would take 50% on the failed marriage responsibility, but she can have 100% of the affair. She responded "I need to go now", and left. All this after 5 1/2 weeks of growth on my part, and nothing from her. I feel I should seek an attorney and get this done, but unsure.

22 years of marriage, POOF! What next? Thank you for your input!:scratchhead:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What are you unsure about? She's found someone else, and has told you clearly that she wants a divorce. You have two choices, as I see it. You can try to bust up her affair by digging into it and seeing if there's a weakness, like him being married. Or you can talk to a lawyer and start to move on with your life. Continue with your personal growth, and make yourself into a better person.

Or you could pine for her and be miserable... But I don't see that as being a good option.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hurtingsobad (Oct 29, 2011)

Thanks PBEAR!

I told her that I would forgive her if she broke off the affair and started IC to deal with her past issues she has never dealt with. Should I wait and see what happens, or hit her with the divorce papers and see the fun start?


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## hesnothappy (Mar 5, 2011)

Protect yourself always. Your mind and heart and your finances. The decision looks like it is being made by her. All you can do is control you and yours. It will not be easy to deal with any of this, but you will come out stronger and more determined to be good to yourself in the end, and you will find happiness again.


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## hurtingsobad (Oct 29, 2011)

Thank you! I guess my next question is, do I sit back and wait to see what happens, or do I take the proactive "guy thing" role and start the divorce?


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

HSB, seems like you are doing literally all you can , and that is a compliment to you. Seeing that you clearly have the strength of character to deal with this, I would say start the divorce AND sit back and wait - the legalities always take some time and can undone (though there is still the cost, but that ultimately isn't too important).


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## Soccerfan73 (Jul 30, 2011)

Filing for divorce will do either of 2 things...

1) She'll snap out of her fog over his new guy buddy and It'll wake her up that you aren't going to sit around waiting for her to make up her mind. 

or 

2) She'll leave anyway, like she was always going to anyway, and you can have closure...even though it hurts. 

Either way you'll be able to move forward and out of limbo.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

hurtingsobad said:


> Thank you! I guess my next question is, do I sit back and wait to see what happens, or do I take the proactive "guy thing" role and start the divorce?


In the same situation, I filed. I have 3 daughters and there was no way I was going to let them thinking dad having a girlfriend and me putting up with it was an option.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

File for divorce. This gives her the message that you won't tolerate a cheating wife. If she comes back, there will be a better chance she will stay faithful.

If you want your wife back. Find out who she is cheating with. If he is married, make sure his wife knows. Tell your family and her family that you are divorcing because your wife has a boyfriend and is asking for a divorce. Once everyone knows about the affair, it may not be as exciting for her anymore.

Then work on yourself. Be the best person you can be. Maybe your wife will want you back and you can decide. Maybe you will attract someone new.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

I am truly sorry to hear this is happening to you. So unbelievable to hear what some people do.


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## hurtingsobad (Oct 29, 2011)

Thank you to everyone for responding! You people are awesome, really!!:smthumbup:

I think I will take some time to reflect, let our 17 year old son and 19 year old daughter coming back from college reacquaint herself with me, and more than likely grill Mom about her motives, selfishness, etc.

It (she ...lol) is still their mom, but she had lost a huge amount of respect from both of them.

I have read that this kind of affair only lasts for 6 months, and then dies. Now that I have told her I know, and told all of our friends what has happened, she still may be so wrapped up in herself that it doesn't matter. 

I refuse to play detective regarding the OM. I don't wanna know and I don't care. She made her bed, now she can sleep in it. It hurts deeply, but I believe that is what she truly wanted...a divorce and to hurt me just one more time. 

God has a plan for me, and it obviously does not include her at this time!


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