# How do I get through this?



## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

I have told my story on here for 4 weeks now. It has been a little over 6 weeks since D-Day. I filed for divorce 4 weeks ago and I know a lot of people applaud me for my strength...but I don't feel strong. If anything I feel worse now, then I felt 6 weeks ago. I know many of you have been on here for years. So my question is, when does it start getting easier? Even though I love and miss him, i cannot take him back. I refuse to actually. I know my "faking it till I make it", is bull****. I stay at home and breakdown, I go in my car and cry at work and I feel it's never going to stop. Please shed some insight on this...I am breaking down emotionally and mentally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Don't sit at home by yourself. If you can (forgot if you have kids) go to the gym and work out your frustrations. Physical activity also helps to generate good brain chemicals. If you can't get to a gym then work out at home. 

Do some exercises for 12 - 15 minutes at a time several times a day. It takes about 10 min for your brain to start generating dopamine - it puts you in a better frame of mind. 

If you still have time try to learn something new - new habits help a lot. Try to learn something that may help you in your work. Or just something that you can use as a volunteer somewhere. 

Learning American Sign Language is healthy for your brain - new neural connections. And you can use it to volunteer at several places. Keep yourself busy. It takes time. You shouldn't spend your time dwelling on what is past. 

When your brain is making a healthy amount of good chemicals you may feel like you can give R a try. And if that is out of the question then you can start to make new friends. But to make friends you have to BE a friend. Which means - get your brain chems working for you.


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## Kaya62003 (Jan 8, 2013)

Thank you that's really good advice. I just want to get out of my head. So far I sleep and I drink more than I ever have in my life. I just hate this happened and I just want to feel happy again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Kaya, you seem like such a sweet lady. Undeserving of this treatment. But please, don't compound your troubles with alcohol. It's effects are far to temporary to make any difference in helping you. And it can be a very bad habit. 

Start tonight with the exercise. Deep breathing. Ever try yoga. It has some healthful benefits and good relaxation techniques that are far superior to alcohol. 

Eat healthy. If you have the space, start planning a garden for the spring. Take a gardening class and learn which veggies you can grow yourself. 

You can do this. Show one and all you can take care of yourself. Your happiness comes from inside you. Your peace comes from your own spirit. Don't look to him or anyone else ever again to make you whole. 

A spouse should enhance your life - not BE your life.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

One more thing. One you can to right this minute. 
Get rid of that hideous avatar. Get something more cheerful. Your attitude begins with you. Set your frame of mind for success not for depression. Impress us with a great avi.


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## MisterRitter (Sep 1, 2012)

I have been going through this for about 4 months now, and it has been getting easier. The old cliche that time heals all wounds really does apply, if you let it.

Keep a positive attitude and KNOW that you are headed to a better place and eventually you will get there.

And I am against country music, but I have come to love Johnny Cash.


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## old timer (Nov 23, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> One more thing. One you can to right this minute.
> Get rid of that hideous avatar. Get something more cheerful. Your attitude begins with you. Set your frame of mind for success not for depression. Impress us with a great avi.


walkonmars: I hope that's not a real pic of Kaya.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Kaya
Go see a doctor, get a physical and tell her you are having some emotional problems because of a marital breakup. She will be able to help you with med if you need them. They're better than alcohol.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Alcohol helped me. Helped me go to the E.R. twice. Helped me break into the OM's place of employment to do something really bad. Fortunately, everyone and I mean everyone in the meat plant was off-site at a holiday party. A Vietnam Vet I knew talked me all the way home after I called him and told him I broke into a meat plant to really hurt the guy. Helped me keep my anger going big time. And helped me slow down R. 

Do something else. It is hard to do. I started woodworking. Made some nice benches, a very nice table and a bunch of other things. Keeps me busy.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

walkonmars is right - try to get outside, get some exercise - even if it means just going for a walk. Try to get out with friends. Use this forum to vent and get advice. You should know one thing: It DOES get better. But take it one day at a time - even one hour at a time. Make a list of all the things you're grateful for - keep adding to it and reading it back to yourself - try to start each day with a happy thought. It sounds corny - but it works. 

Again, use this forum as a place for support - there are a lot of us here who understand what you're going through.


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## John2012 (Sep 18, 2012)

Kaya62003 said:


> I have told my story on here for 4 weeks now. It has been a little over 6 weeks since D-Day. I filed for divorce 4 weeks ago and I know a lot of people applaud me for my strength...but I don't feel strong. If anything I feel worse now, then I felt 6 weeks ago. I know many of you have been on here for years. So my question is, when does it start getting easier? Even though I love and miss him, i cannot take him back. I refuse to actually. I know my "faking it till I make it", is bull****. I stay at home and breakdown, I go in my car and cry at work and I feel it's never going to stop. Please shed some insight on this...I am breaking down emotionally and mentally.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm exactly in the same place like you. It's 6 months since DDay but I can't let go the pain. It's very difficult. I don't have any particular suggestions but I love eastern music and listen to the music often and that keeps me going.

I would like to go to gym and want to make more friends. The pain is always there. I've lot of triggers, I look into the chat contents, the places where I know they met etc. 

My WS is all for R but I'm not prepared for it so I find it very difficult to overcome the pain knowing that this chapter of my life is closed.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

The pain does diminish with time but you need to work on yourself. Get outside walk go to the gym. You need to also be out with other people.

Have you done any IC yet? That helps. You are on a roller coaster and you will have ups and downs. Write what you feel here, write what you feel down on paper and write your POS Husband a letter and tell him all your feelings. Write it down seal the envelope and then burn it. It will help


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

I caught my wife on sept 25th. We started counseling right away and for 4 months she faked the reconciliation still seeing this other man. Up until I caught her again for the 2nd time on Dec 30. 

Where she finally confessed she was leaving. 

I cried EVERYDAY from that time up until recently. I cried posting here. I cried at work. I cried at home. Once the REALITY of the ***ed up sh.it that this supposed person you loved still sinks in, you will stop crying.

Sunday January 20th, 2013 was the day I last cried for her.

Having friends that support you is helpful.

Its been said here, the best revenge is living well. 

Personally that is what I intend to do. I am going to be one hot sex machine by the summer and I will be with someone 8 to 10 years young then my wife. 

Exercise as was mentioned. Its good for you all around. Makes you feel better, more desirable, you look better and the reality is looking healthy does open the door to men or women that might have not looked at you before with the weight on.


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## Aunt Ava (Jan 24, 2013)

You get through one day at a time, and sometimes one hour at a time. Please stop the drinking, your daughter is learning a life lesson watching you go through this experience. When you find it hard to do it for yourself then do it for her.


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