# STBX wanting kids to meet new gf



## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

My STBX (can't come soon enough!!) wants our children to meet his new gf as his friend, he's been seeing her around 4 weeks and met her online so it's very early in the R however it's been very intense and they've moved very quick so he seems to think it's the right time...

I've said no, I've told him I think it's too soon but he isn't happy about this. Any advice?! They're only 4 & 6 so quite young.

Thanks


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Sounds too soon. Do you know anything about her?


----------



## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

Well she asked to meet ME a couple of weeks ago as she feels intimidated & threatened by me because ex speaks highly of me... I declined, didn't think it would help anything & seemed a very strange request although ex said it was also so I would feel happier about the kids meeting her?!

I know some about her, she's 24yrs old and has 3 children (1, 3 & 5) and that's about it really. He wants to introduce her as a friend rather than his girlfriend which is something I suppose.


----------



## Pamvhv (Apr 27, 2014)

Don't cave. I caved. Don't cave.


----------



## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Heartbroken84 said:


> Well she asked to meet ME a couple of weeks ago as she feels intimidated & threatened by me because ex speaks highly of me... I declined, didn't think it would help anything & seemed a very strange request although ex said it was also so I would feel happier about the kids meeting her?!
> 
> I know some about her, she's 24yrs old and has 3 children (1, 3 & 5) and that's about it really. He wants to introduce her as a friend rather than his girlfriend which is something I suppose.


Too early, she's too young and she has too many kids. He needs to keep her out of your children's lives until much later down the road.

Her request to meet you is odd at this stage, though later, I would think it was a good sign. Until I saw her age and the number of children she has. Something is odd about that.


----------



## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

No way.
If the kids were older then meeting dad's friend would be no big deal. But at their age, the length of their relationship and given that the D isn't final I totally agree with you. Don't confuse the kids.


----------



## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

She's trying hard. Young, three kids, she's going for a quick blended family...


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Four weeks? FFS.


----------



## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

for
f
sake


----------



## Butterfly1014 (Jul 24, 2014)

I think it's a little early for your kids to be introduced to your STBX's "friend". Doesn't he think they have been adjusting to the present situation and that has been difficult for them to process, let alone throw a new girl into the picture. Their relationship is so new also, I can't understand why he would want to rush it? If it falls apart in a couple months then you both will have to explain where she went. Then if your kids bond with his, it's emotional hell for them. Believe me, my H left a month ago we were together for 6 yrs and had a blended family 2+2+1, he has sent my daughter 1 text and they were close. I miss the crap out of my step children and our son hasn't seen his Dad 4 times and he is 4 1/2yrs old. You should stand your ground on this point for now.


----------



## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

Kids should not meet a GF/BF until Divorce is final, period.


----------



## U.E. McGill (Nov 27, 2013)

What's in your separation agreement? My friend had his say "only committed relationships and after he met them first"


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How old are you two? And yes, 4 weeks is way too early. 

Unfortunately though, the reality is (IMHO) that unless you can persuade him that it's not good for the kids, you have no say in the matter. Even introducing a "morality clause" in your agreement doesn't protect you, really. Could you tell him that since you're in disagree run over this issue, you'd like to find a family counselor to help? Not to try to reconcile or anything, but to help the kids through this transition. 

Just a thought

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Way too fast IMHO.
The comment about the fast blended family rigns true. I think she is looking for a daddy for her children.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SamuraiJack said:


> Way too fast IMHO.
> The comment about the fast blended family rigns true. *I think she is looking for a daddy for her children.*


Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!


----------



## bmark33 (Jun 20, 2013)

I'm not really sure why he's asking you. But 4 weeks is too soon. If he does decide to introduce then there is not much you can do about it. Prepare for that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

Yes I'm in agreement it's way too soon however I'm more than aware I can't really stop him either!!

Yes it's bizzare the speed they're moving but they're both (from what I've gathered about her) very insecure, needy & immature people so they're a match made in heaven... Until it all goes wrong!! Don't get me wrong I hope they're happy & it is a long term thing but I can't see it, there are so many red flags but it isn't my place to judge obviously. 

I think he'll respect my view for the moment but don't think he will for long, he keeps bringing it up. Part of me wonders if having 2 parents at loggerheads and arguing over this is actually more detrimental than them meeting her & us getting along... The old saying "choose your battles wisely" comes to mind! 

We don't have a separation agreement.


----------



## upsidedownworld (Dec 13, 2013)

I know exactly what you're going through. My STBXW did this to my kids also. I asked my lawyer if there was anything I could do for the kids sake and she said unless I can prove something that the OM was doing was wrong, the STBXW could introduce them to whoever she wanted.

My STBX sounds just like yours. Needy. It's going to be hard on you seeing and hearing about your kids being around the OW. I know it was on me. You will get through it though and hopefully she is good to your kids. Good luck.


----------



## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

Yeh it's going to be tough them coming home talking about her & her kids at whatever point it happens  just going to have to ride it out & put my own feelings aside for the kids sake aren't i, won't be easy though!


----------



## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

Its an overall bad idea. Red flags all over it. But in the end, you really can't control it. Can you? You may as well figure out how to get through it instead of focusing on how to control it.


----------



## JWTBL (May 28, 2014)

You sound like you aren't too upset towards your STBXH, just the fact that he wants his girlfriend to meet your kids (which is VERY understandable).
How come your attitude towards your husband and yours relationship seems so accepting? Can you pass some of that along? Because I don't want my ex's relationship with his GF to work out, I want it to crash and burn! Just sayin'.


----------



## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

JWTBL said:


> You sound like you aren't too upset towards your STBXH, just the fact that he wants his girlfriend to meet your kids (which is VERY understandable).
> 
> How come your attitude towards your husband and yours relationship seems so accepting? Can you pass some of that along? Because I don't want my ex's relationship with his GF to work out, I want it to crash and burn! Just sayin'.


I'm not at all upset because I'm much happier apart from him as he is from me. I don't love him anymore & I know I'm much better without him as a part of my life (except co parenting). During our relationship he was a controlling & manipulative bully and an addict (now in recovery). I have no desire to be married to him nor do I have any feeling towards him in that way at all, there's a little sadness & disappointment but I've done my grieving for what could have been and moved on.

I wish him every happiness, I don't think the R he's in will last as there's are soo many red flags but that isn't my place to judge. It's his life, his choice & his mistakes to make and who am I to judge that - I have to accept that at some point he will be in a serious and committed long term relationship and that's just part of moving forwards, I don't LIKE that the person will be a part of my kids life but I don't care who's a part of his life in all honesty, I pity her in a way!!

Good luck JWTBL, you'll get there it just takes time x


----------



## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

Malpheous said:


> Its an overall bad idea. Red flags all over it. But in the end, you really can't control it. Can you? You may as well figure out how to get through it instead of focusing on how to control it.



Very true!! Thank you


----------



## Heartbroken84 (Feb 2, 2014)

He's introducing her to them this weekend as a friend, feel a little strange about it but it's just something I have to get over isn't it unfortunately!


----------



## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Honestly there really is not much you can do about it. I would keep a journal of this stuff. If anything ever goes south and you have to go to court it makes all the difference in the world. I have had to use it with my xW more than once. 

I am glad you are moving on with your life. Honestly he never really deserved you. You will be much better off with someone else. Its only a matter of time before he does the same to the new woman. 

I firmly believe "Once a Cheater always a Cheater". I know there are some people that don't fit that but I think they are rare like Unicorns and Jackalopes  

Clay


----------



## LBHmidwest (Jan 3, 2014)

You don't hear jackalop every day!

http://www.museumoftheweird.com/news/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/jackalope2.jpg


----------



## mtpromises (May 27, 2013)

Definitely keep a written record of all this. Your STBXH sounds like a very unhealthy codependent who can (and will) scar your children with his immaturity. Four weeks isn't long enough to even consider your new partner meeting your kids. To be honest even four months is really pushing it. Definite red flags, good luck to you!


----------

