# The love languages (yes another one... sorry)



## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Simply's thread got me thinking and I really didn't want to derail her's soooo I made this one. Yes I know it may be a tiresome discussion for some of you fellow TAMMERS so I apoligize buuut I think this could be helpful.

With this thread I would like anyone to give examples of what one could do to express a certain love language.. for example... 


Acts of service: 
Pouring your spouse their fav drink and handing it to them.. 
Giving a back rub or foot massage.. (I guess this could perhaps fall into the physical touch category as well)


The reason I started this was to help others who may be fumbling with how to express their SO's love language to get some ideas on how to better be able to go about it. I know if gate and I are struggling with this we can't be the only ones.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Under acts of service, I believe the author includes (sacrifice):
Choosing to allow your spouse to pick chinese for dinner when you wanted pizza. 





Gaia said:


> Simply's thread got me thinking and I really didn't want to derail her's soooo I made this one. Yes I know it may be a tiresome discussion for some of you fellow TAMMERS so I apoligize buuut I think this could be helpful.
> 
> With this thread I would like anyone to give examples of what one could do to express a certain love language.. for example...
> 
> ...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Acts of service for H are:
-mowing the lawn so he doesn't have to on his day off
-making his lunch every morning
-serving him dinner (this is HUGE for him as his parents never had food in the house and if they did, only his parents would eat...then the kids could have the left overs. Yea, Effed up childhood.)
-making sure he has clean work clothes ready for the week
-sweeping out his garage

Acts of affection for me that he does are:
-sits with me and holds my hand at night while watching tv
-randomly touches me throughout the day in flirty/cute ways
-rubs my feet when I put them in his lap (haha!)
-scratches my back (I looooove this. It relaxes me instantly. It's worked since I was a kid and my grams used to do it)
-texts me cute things throughout the day

We both like quality time. For that we:
-hang out in "club garage" and play video games and chill (like now..although I bring the laptop because this game scares me and I can't focus on it or I'll have nightmares hahaha!. We restarted Dead Island.)
-Take any time alone and just go do something. On his days off (other than Sunday which is family day), we hang out together. Run errands, go for hikes/bike rides, or just chill. 
-We take any moment we can for sex when the mood strikes.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

We also both like to give a run down on the daily news. We debate nicely or get pissed off together, or rant together, or laugh together. It's fun.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Acts of service require that you act out of love for someone else. You could cook a meal, wash clothes. You could help to take care of children, take care of problems in the house, or make sure that things are working correctly. Acts of service require thought, planning time, effort and energy. 

A handy man husband who stays on top of things -going above beyond his call , I would think ... is living "acts of service" before his wife. 

Taken from this link : Giving Acts of Service: Love Language #3  >>> 



> Do you feel that 'actions definitely speak louder than words'? In this case, acts of service likely ranks higher on your love language list than say, words of affirmation. You may somewhat feel that 'talk is cheap,' but your partner or mate can show you they love you by checking the windshield washer fluid in your car and your tire pressure.
> 
> If you suspect your loved ones primary love language is acts of service, look for opportunities to help them and do things for them. This will make them feel so loved by being taken care of! Dr. Chapman recommends once you identify something you could do for them, to ask. "Before doing an act of service, you'd better ask, 'Would it be helpful to you if I did . .'" This is the easiest way to find out if you are helping them sincerely and making them feel loved or doing something that they would honestly prefer to do themselves.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Acts of affection would be the same as physical touch right? Oh good post MEM, I never considered that sacrifices could be acts of service before. 

Words of affirmation:
Compliments such as... "Your project looks wonderful hunny! I just know they will love it at the showing!L 
Poetry
Sweet and/or suggestive texts to your SO.

(I hope I'm giving the right examples here... lol)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Know what I love and respect so much from my husband? The fact that he's ALWAYS had a job, even when he hated that job and wanted to quit. He put our family's needs above his own and I forever appreciate it. When he was fired, he had a job in ONE WEEK. It was crappy, his hours sucked, his boss was a troll, he hated it day in and day out....but it paid the bills.

But now he's got the job of his dreams (almost  ) so his dedication paid off.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Simply could you post one of each? (Especially physical touch since that's gates primary love language lol)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Know what I love and respect so much from my husband? The fact that he's ALWAYS had a job, even when he hated that job and wanted to quit. He put our family's needs above his own and I forever appreciate it. When he was fired, he had a job in ONE WEEK. It was crappy, his hours sucked, his boss was a troll, he hated it day in and day out....but it paid the bills.
> 
> But now he's got the job of his dreams (almost  ) so his dedication paid off.


Same here, hubby lost his job just before Christmas one year (Boss was an a-hole). Nobody hires accountants until the end of January in Australia, so he got a job serving icecreams at the local zoo. It kept our heads above water until he could get another job. Now he has started his own practise at home & for the most part, is happy as a pig in mud.
Good men that we have.:smthumbup:
Love language for both us is time, we share the same home office, occasionally walk the dog together & at the moment if I feel neglected, I just cry..


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

When I first read love languages I made myself crazy trying to do just the right thing to get my husband to love me. My efforts were largely an epic fail. It did NOT get my needs met because it was one sided.

I think it's a great book but it's mostly meant for clueless people. That LD wife might suddenly see that turning down sex is a bad idea. Or that absent husband may see that if he doesn't talk to his wife she's vulnerable to an EA or PA. This book did little to help my relationship. All I got from hubby was a aw thanks hun and that was the end of it. LOL


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Gaia said:


> Simply's thread got me thinking and I really didn't want to derail her's soooo I made this one. Yes I know it may be a tiresome discussion for some of you fellow TAMMERS so I apoligize buuut I think this could be helpful.
> 
> With this thread I would like anyone to give examples of what one could do to express a certain love language.. for example...
> 
> ...


I always try to make my wife her favorite smoothie in the morning which is peach/bananna she just loves it when i bring it to her when she is in the tub or shower


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Gaia said:


> Simply could you post one of each? (Especially physical touch since that's gates primary love language lol)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 *Physical Touch *>>>


> Physical Touch is any gentle and loving touch: a hug, caress, a hand on your shoulder, a foot rub, holding hands, a kiss on the cheek, running your fingers threw someone’s hair...
> 
> Keep in mind that physical touch involves tender, innocent, ticklish, and sensual touches as well as boyhood wrestling, noogies and 'mindless' caress. So go on and tickle, caress, poke, tousle, hug or kiss. Your Physical Touch Person will feel your love for them by touching them!
> 
> The Language of Physical Touch





> *Physical Touch examples*:
> 1. Under the table touch
> 2. Holding hands
> 3. Kiss on the lips
> ...


 *Words of Affirmation *>>>


> Compliments make us feel good the world over. We all like to hear something nice about ourselves, our kids, or something personal. However, for some people it goes beyond just appreciating the compliment and works towards filling the emotional love tank. If a compliment makes you feel loved and appreciated, then this may be your love language. Or perhaps it is your spouse's language. If so, you have the ability to deposit into their love tank and this can make a big difference in your marriage. Words of Affirmation


*Quality Time*>>


> A central aspect of quality time is togetherness. I do not mean proximity. Togetherness has to do with focused attention. A husband who is watching sports on television while he talks to his wife is not giving her quality time, because she does not have his full attention. A husband and wife playing tennis together, if it is genuine quality time, will focus not on the game, but on the fact that they are spending time together. Speaking the Love Language of Quality Time


*Gifts* >>>


> A gift is something that you can hold in your hand and say, "Look, he was thinking of me," or "She remembered me." You must be thinking of someone to give a gift. The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. It doesn't matter if it costs money.
> 
> Gifts need not to expensive, nor must they be given weekly. But for some individuals, their worth has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love.
> - Receiving Gifts


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Gaia said:


> Simply could you post one of each? (Especially physical touch since that's gates primary love language lol)
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I know when I was young we played a lot of footsies!


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

She's an act of service/quality time girl, so she's happy when I:


Cook/Clean
Handle the Laundry
Tidy the room up
Leaving a note on the bed that say, "I Love you"

(She likes to be surprised by the acts of service. So if she is in another room or not at home, I get extra brownie points.

Quality time:
Doing anything together... watching tv, reading, words with friends, playing tennis, taking a walk in the neighborhood or navigating on the ripstick (I bought one as a date activity and it was a great time of bonding. Learning a new skill together is great).


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

How do you know which one you are for sure sure?

I do all of these things alot in each of them, i am not really sure which one belongs to me.

I do know they help make a person and are very important and that we should all know ours but i dunno...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

TG,
This is a great post. Working hard - is an act of service. 

Working hard at a job you hate is also an act of sacrifice. 





that_girl said:


> Know what I love and respect so much from my husband? The fact that he's ALWAYS had a job, even when he hated that job and wanted to quit. He put our family's needs above his own and I forever appreciate it. When he was fired, he had a job in ONE WEEK. It was crappy, his hours sucked, his boss was a troll, he hated it day in and day out....but it paid the bills.
> 
> But now he's got the job of his dreams (almost  ) so his dedication paid off.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

bkaydezz said:


> How do you know which one you are for sure sure?
> 
> I do all of these things alot in each of them, i am not really sure which one belongs to me.
> 
> I do know they help make a person and are very important and that we should all know ours but i dunno...


You could take the free online quiz.  


http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/love/
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

Hey Gaia,

Took me a while to get around to understanding how important words of A were to my hubby, but the men's clubhouse helped me out sooo much with this. The personal things mean a lot.

I told him today how he is the only man that can look that sexy in an old set of BDUs. Or how much I want him when he comes home from the gym all sweaty and *dirty*. I also make it a point to thank him every chance I get for providing, and made a habit of the boys thanking him for dinners, when we go out for lunch, etc, etc. Never hurts to teach the little ones early


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## bkaydezz (Jul 9, 2012)

i had three that were really close to one another,

quality time, physical touch and words of affirmation. 
the first two were my stair step scores.

hey hey..he always tells me im a lush. haha we spoil each other with affection!

Thank you for sharing that with me gaia


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Yw bkay and that's awesome dawn.  I love seeing all the stories shared on here.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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