# Can you "force" your wife to seek professional help?



## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

I know the answer is pretty much no, but still?

Did any of you "forced" his wife - i.e. told her that if you don't do that, I will xyz.

I am not ready for this kind of step, but I almost feel like I have to do it - not only for me, but for her too!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

What do you think she needs help with? That's pretty generic.

If it's for your marriage, you are best saying that you want your marriage to be the best it can be, how you value what you have, etc., etc. and tell her you'd like you two to see a MC and ask if she would go if you made an appointment. If she says no, or sees nothing wrong, I suggest you go anyway. They can help you either learn to deal with her (sometimes your responses can exacerbate the problem/situation) or you'll learn a lot about you.

When you talk about what you have learned, it may pique her interest to join you. But I don't think it ever hurts to take the first step. Even if you don't "need" it, it would still be enlightening, I think.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I'm going to assume you feel that your wife is not a rational actor or you wouldn't have made the post. In my situation, my stbxw has many issues, one of which is refusing to acknowledge she has any issues. If you have that in your relationship it probably won't go anywhere. I did the IC as EnjoliWoman suggests and found it very helpful. After years of trying and getting dumped on for the efforts I recently said, MC or we're done. I gave her a month to "think about it". I got no response and so "we're done". Does that count? lol


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## kcguy (Nov 15, 2010)

You answered youself when you said you already know the answer. It hurts to accept our reality, and when the process called actualzation occurs, which is the time when things no longer appear what we thought they were, take shape, or we start to get out of our denial. We have to greive. it's like a death and in many many levels it actually is. Let's look at this question, is it love to force someone to our will? We probably will need help with IC with our own issues. We ALL have problems, issues, etc. When someone like my ew said, I don't have problems, I'm not doing anything wrong. That's partly to push my buttons, and partly her own issues.. It's time to hit the road jack. Peope will not change until they are willing to change. We were given Free will. That's what seperates us from the animal kingdom. We were taught er, most of us anyways, how to use that free will, hopefully we have a concious, or at how to be as a human being. But many of us, could have meteor drop in front of us from God almighty and still change for a short time, and then go back to the old self. Therapy isn't always the means to the end. It's a tool for the toolbox, yes, but how the tools are used and what's built is a different story. Get some tools, and decide what you want to build now with what life you have left. You only have 1. yes we made vows. If you can honestly say, you have done everything you can, and she doesn't want it. Build a new life so you can be happy with what you have left. Maybe she can be too. Don't be angry, it's not your fault. It's just life. Society has changed. The times are different now. the time proven values are still true, but many aren't being true to the values of time. You still can be. Live, Love and amend your true self, your past, make right your wrongs, be free.. then go and live free.. Find yourself, stop focusing on her. Maybe you're being to needy at times.. it can be that simple. Remember who you were before you met her. We forget that at times. Doesn't mean leave her, learn to do things alone if you have to. Know thy self. it's wonderful!! Then make your choice. KCGUY


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

You could say I "forced" my wife to go to marriage counseling.

The first time we went it was because she realized I had been looking at apartments and was on my way out. I had been asking for us to go but she had been refusing. She refused to go after 8 sessions, but we had made some progress.

The second time was similar. I had been asking again for us to go to marriage counseling and she was refusing to go. She eventually asked for a divorce and I agreed. I think she then realized that we were actually going to divorce and she changed her mind about it. I agreed to hold off on divorce under the stipulation that, among other things, we go back to marriage counseling. She agreed.

I'm a little sad that it was forced on her and she didn't realize that it was needed, but I'm happy she agreed to go.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

Good question. I did something like that. When I suggested we go to MC she said that I should go to IC a few times first and then she would go. I am wise to her games and refused on the basis that she had not followed through on similar promises to me about various other things. 

I said we either go together or we don't go at all. If she would have refused to participate then I would have had no other option but to separate. I did not tell her this. It was a personal decision and by telling her it would have seemed to her that I was forcing her and she probably would have dug her heels in farther. 

We are now in MC together.

Edit to add: It was from reading these boards and following the advice of another poster that I did it this way.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

If by “Can you "force" your wife to seek professional help”

You are talking about making your wife (or anyone else for that matter) go to a Psychiatrist then the answer is:

“only if you can show they are a danger to themselves or others”.

In the UK at least people can be “sectioned” under the mental health act if they are seen by a doctor / psychiatrist as being such a danger and held in a secure hospital indefinitely. I would think something similar is in place in the US.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

You might be able to force them to counceling... You can't force them to want it or to change though; That is the problem.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

With my ex, he refused counseling even after I told him I wanted to separate. It wasn't until he heard the voice mail from the landlord about showing the apartment that he agreed to go. Looking back I should have just divorced him then instead of going through five more years of hell.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

"you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I finally told my husband that if he did not get help for his very obvious depression I was done.

Knowing that he was depressed I made the appointment, told him about it, drove him to the appointment and even went in with him.

He could have said no at any point but did not. He ended up being diagnosed with ADD/HD and depression. He took meds for about a year. He still does the AD/HD meds when he feels he needs them. 

We are divorced now. But he is doing a lot better. A trend that started with me getting his behind to a psychiatrist.


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