# The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

I am new to this group. My husband and I have been married 1 year in March of this year. I have begun to wonder if the reason the cliche exists, and if there isn't a possible reason behind it.

Could it possibly be because after marriage, the man no longer works as hard at making his lady feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world to him? He works hard during the courting stage.. and, tell me if Im wrong ladies, it turns us on to feel beautiful and desireable.

I say this because I feel less desireable to my husband, like maybe he is taking me for granted already.. I work hard at staying fit, and taking excellent care of myself. And, up until I started to feel a little unapprecieated, I am always making opportunities for sexiness in our relationship, always trying to make him feel desired.. making sure he knows how happy I am in our relationship.. But, sometimes it feels one sided....

So, my conclusion is, maybe the cliche exists because our men stop cherishing us, stop actively trying to make us feel desireable and that they like what they see, and receive?


----------



## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Welcome, Why does a man have to "work at making a woman feel wanted" ? Isnt the fact that he married you, and desires sex w/ you enough to make you feel wanted? Why do women have to feel wanted in the 1st place, to want to hit the sack? If you want sex, you want sex, whats the flowers for? I can tell you right now, my wife could never give me another B-day card, and forget every anniversary, and it wouldnt make me want to have sex any less.

Personally, I dont think women are all that interested in sex to begin with, I think they **** the heck out of men while theyre dating, to make them think they are a good catch, but when the ring goes on, the sex slowly decreases over time, to the point of once a week, if were lucky( more like once a month for most of us). 

I once read a poll in a magazine that asked, if women would give up sex for 1 year, for a 10K $ clothing shopping spree, 70+ % said theyd take the clothes. Im not trying to sound bitter or sexist, I just dont think women in general, are all that horny, no matter what men do.


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

You might be right about some women. But what if the woman is horny and loves the physical part of the relationship with her husband... but over time starts to step back and say, hey, wait a minute.. am I the only one on cloud 9 here... and, for that matter, I can't remember the last time he looked at me, and told me that he liked what he saw... We women need that.. if we feel like nothing special in our man's eyes, then our confidence might waver a little, and we are more likely to do what women do, and that is get self conscious, and doubt ourselves. I don't know why this is the way it is... because I suppose it would be much easier for the man to, as soon as the ring is on the finger, sit on the couch or in front of the computer for hours.. to not let her know he's thinking of her at some point in the day.. or not to notice if she dresses sexy... to not take her out on a special date just the two of them... Why does that only have to be for the dating phase?


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*The Paradox*

Sarah,
The true paradox of marriage is to show your commitment without compromising your boundaries. 

I feel very strongly that behavior BEFORE marriage and AFTER marriage should be the same - save for normal growth / improvements.

If your man treated you special pre-marriage he damn well should do so in marriage. 

I actually think my W - in year 21 treats me better than she did before we married (not that I was complaining back then). I think she would say the same for me. 

Make a list of what has changed. Sit him down and show it to him. Tell him he is love busting you and/or starving you of love kindlers. And you should go look those terms up. 

Do not let this get into the downward spiral - what I call the "race to zero" a never ending competition to see who can do less. 



sarahsmiles said:


> I am new to this group. My husband and I have been married 1 year in March of this year. I have begun to wonder if the reason the cliche exists, and if there isn't a possible reason behind it.
> 
> Could it possibly be because after marriage, the man no longer works as hard at making his lady feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world to him? He works hard during the courting stage.. and, tell me if Im wrong ladies, it turns us on to feel beautiful and desireable.
> 
> ...


----------



## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

I agree with Sarah on some level, but almost all women want sex, and some women love sex, I mean really love it:smthumbup:..Sarah, it goes both ways, a man loves to have his ego stroked, no kidding, it is the key to keeping him happy, I mean if he is complimented about things, he will be happy, like his looks, if he mows the yard, any appreciation, but the reverse has to also be done, think about EA's and PA's, they are basically ego driven relationships..you stroke my ego and I'll stroke your's..somewhere along the line we stop stroking each other, a compliment basically is an ego stroke..if we stop and some outsider comes along and starts stroking your SO then watch out.


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

sarah, it is easy to come on here and generalize ones specific issue to the point of applying it as an issue for everyone. this has got to be the number one subject on this board, and i have seen it applied to either gender. 

while frank is a bit strong, what he says often crosses my mind and seems to apply to my specific situation with my wife. it occurs to me that most marriages have some degree of a low drive/high drive dynamic going on. you are where most men on this board seem to be, and some women too. best advice i have seen on here (and actually implemented) is to work on yourself, look for different and better ways to get what you want, change your approach. one of the best methods of change i have implemented is acting less interested, it takes some time to go into effect, but it is slowly getting me to where i want to be.


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

You're right, Sarah. It should never stop on either side. You're also right that men begin to take their wife for granted. It may not apply to every single situation, but it applies to yours and that's all that matters in this thread. But the last thing you want to do is try to apply your own devices without instruction. Don't come up with your own method for fixing or reversing the problem, and don't react disdainfully. If you do anything, then make it something recommended as tried and true. This movie is perfect for you and your husband to watch. Rent it, get the book, and both of you spend your married life applying the principles.


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

I definitely appreciate all perspectives on this issue. I know that I must find a way to deal with it, becasue I can feel myself pulling back, and getting a little resentful, which is definitely not good. I really like the book "The Five Love Languages", and have started to read it. I asked him to take the test to find out what his love language was... and, just as I thought, I have been speaking directly to his... It would be nice if he was thinking the same, and wanting to be sure he was speaking to mine... 

Marriage is work, that is for sure. But if you love him, you will do the work, no matter what  I just would like for him to consider some things as well, and make sure we are both satisfied


----------



## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



Susan2010 said:


> You're also right that men begin to take their wife for granted. .


:scratchhead:

but that never happenes in reverse???


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

It can definitely happen in reverse... and either way, it isn't good...


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



franklinfx said:


> Why do women have to feel wanted in the 1st place, to want to hit the sack? If you want sex, you want sex, whats the flowers for? I can tell you right now, my wife could never give me another B-day card, and forget every anniversary, and it wouldnt make me want to have sex any less.
> 
> Personally, I dont think women are all that interested in sex to begin with, I think they **** the heck out of men while theyre dating, to make them think they are a good catch, but when the ring goes on, the sex slowly decreases over time, to the point of once a week, if were lucky( more like once a month for most of us).


You are correct.

Seriously, women simply typically have the lower libido; it's how we're built. And women are wired differently, so they have to 'feel something' for the guy to want to do it. You, on the other hand - as I've had many men explain to me - will take anything, as long as it's female and alive. Therefore, it is up to the man to create the environment that will make the woman WANT to do SF, so that he gets what he needs, as SF is usually highest on his Emotional Needs list. Just as, it's up to the woman to create an environment for the man to want to do what SHE needs, because that's higher on her Emotional Needs list.

It's up to the one who wants it the most, to do something about it.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



sarahsmiles said:


> I can't remember the last time he looked at me, and told me that he liked what he saw... We women need that.. if we feel like nothing special in our man's eyes, then our confidence might waver a little, and we are more likely to do what women do, and that is get self conscious, and doubt ourselves.


Actually that is not the case for every woman. We all need different things. I for instance need support from my husband - because he doesn't easily provide it. I couldn't care less if he brings me flowers, takes me to a B&B for a romantic weekend, or compliments my hair - because I know he only does it to get SF. He KNOWS that what I really want from him is help with the house and all his junk in it, yet that is the one thing he practically refuses to do for me. So I have no desire for SF; I'm too busy resenting him.


----------



## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Each of us separate is incomplete and fairly broken. The thing is, when we learn to come together as fully one, we are able to live the best of both worlds. 

Being married to my wife has taught me to be more in touch with my emotional side. She's taught me how to bond emotionally, something which I've never really done before. She's taught me to listen to my emotions, discuss my emotions and not to try and ignore them.

I've taught her how to value herself for who she is, not what she thinks other people think about her. I've taught her how to enjoy her body and enjoy the physical aspect of marriage. I've taught her how to react to reign in her emotions without letting them run amock.

Our marriage hasn't been a smooth ride, it's had it's share of bumps. But lets be honest here, what in life is worth a damn if there isn't a lot of work involved? If things are easy, we tend to take them for granted. It's those things in life we have to work hard at and give it our all that really make a difference.

Both men an women need to learn we have to come together and work through issues to meet in the middle. I won't always get my way, she won't always get hers. But, when we work through the issues together, we become stronger as a couple and as individuals.

I think you need to get serious with your husband and tell him you have got to work through these issues. Stand firm, don't back down. At the same time though you have to make yourself realize you won't win everything you want. You must be willing to meet in the middle on things. It will mean your husband has to change his way of thinking and you will have to change your way of thinking.


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Read the book His Needs Her Needs - both of you.


----------



## careful (Feb 19, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Sarah;

I don't have the experience in these matters like Turnera and others, but I can tell you that my situation is similar to yours, and my wife and I handled it all wrong.

Shortly after we were married, I turned my attention toward my business, home, investments, etc....I did not do this intentionally. In fact, I THOUGHT that my wife was feeling very proud of me for taking these "important" things seriously. In my mind, it was my job to make sure my family was secure, so my mind was always on how to earn more money, buy material things, and keep the household in order. I did not neglect my wife, but I just turned into "Mr. Provider".

But my wife was NOT happy with all of this. She began to feel the same way you are feeling now. It was a TOTAL disconnect, and I simply did not see what I was doing. As I said, I was thoroughly convinced in my mind that my actions building love feelings with my wife, but in reality I was destroying them.

Unfortunately, my wife kept her dissatisfaction to herself. She saw that I was "busy" and didn't feel it was important enough to try to change my actions. She would make little snippy comments to me about needing me to pay more attention to her and the kids. I heard them, but since they were just fleeting comments, my corrective actions were also fleeting.

So as I was working hard to provide for my family, thinking my wife was impressed....her resentments grew, and grew, and grew until they affected her feelings for me.

As all of this was happening, I was oblivious. Yes, I should have seen more than I did, and yes, I should have taken her "hints" more seriously. I am not blaming my wife for anything except her lack of eye-to-eye communication.

Through it all, I loved my wife more than anything in the universe. I desired her, and cherished her. I would have (and still would) do anything for her to make her happy.


Please don't make the same mistakes we did.

Find a time when you can sit your husband down uninterrupted. Then, approach him with your feelings HEAD-ON. Do NOT beat around the bush, or throw hints about your feelings. Look him in the eye, and tell him very boldly..."I have a very serious issue to discuss with you. I feel you are taking me for granted, and I am becoming resentful. It is affecting the way I feel about you. I love you very much, and I do not want my resentments to grow further. I am asking you to team up with me to find a solution to my concern so we do not go another day without a plan to turn this around".

I wish my wife would have done this with me. She admits that she never did. I swear I would have been jolted into reality. Insteaed, now we are trying to rebuild something that took many years to break, and it is tough.

As I said, I am not a relationship expert (far from it), but I just wanted to share my advice. If your husband is like me, your conversation with him will wake him up, and hopefully kick him into gear to change his ways.

I wish you the very best...


----------



## franklinfx (Apr 7, 2009)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Ok, we have women on here complaining that their men dont compliment them enough, show them enough attention, or make them feel wanted, then we have some that complain that their husbands smother them or, cant keep their hands off their bodies, which is it? Do you want men to want you, or not want you?:scratchhead:

Not trying to be a tool, but doesnt it seem odd, that whatever a woman's man does, she seems to want the opposite. The craziest thing to me is, it seems like the only guys that woman seem to think are perfect, are the guys who are blatantly, shtoop'n some other woman


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

I agree... marriage is a meeting in the middle for sure. And, communication is the key. So I"m going to talk with him. Because, I know that I am happiest when I know he is satisfied.. I'm thinking it is the same for him. 

Guys are so different... they don't talk about their feelings much... so maybe it just takes a little extra effort to engage them in this area..

I am pretty low maintenace, despite everything... I just need to feel secure that he is satisfied, and that nothing has changed just because of "the ring"...


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Franklin, I have to laugh at your post.. because as I was looking through some of the other topics, I was thinking the same thing LOL  I could see how a guy could be like, "What do they want from me?"... I guess the thing would be to find out what your lady needs... and speak to that


----------



## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



franklinfx said:


> Ok, we have women on here complaining that their men dont compliment them enough, show them enough attention, or make them feel wanted, then we have some that complain that their husbands smother them or, cant keep their hands off their bodies, which is it? Do you want men to want you, or not want you?:scratchhead:
> 
> Not trying to be a tool, but doesnt it seem odd, that whatever a woman's man does, she seems to want the opposite. The craziest thing to me is, it seems like the only guys that woman seem to think are perfect, are the guys who are blatantly, shtoop'n some other woman


I think many times it's because communication has either broken down, or was never there between the two. The wife may have been wanting the husband to read her mind. The husband may have been assuming she was like him. 

It's really easy to just assume you know what each other is thinking and that their wants/needs match your own. It's easy to fall in the trap "If he/she loved me he/she would know what I want without me asking". Yet that trap is a horrible one because it causes a lot of frustration and anger in a relationship.

The thing is we are all different and no two men and women are exactly the same. Generally most fall into general categories, but there are ALWAYS exceptions. When your involved in something as complicated as marriage is you cannot make assumptions. Clear, honest and abundant communication is the key.

I'll give a perfect example of that from last night. One of my wifes friends is in the hospital with a serious staff infection. It's bad enough that they aren't sure she's going to make it. Knowing she was dealing with this, I spent the night just holding her and touching her. I know for her through us talking that touch is VERY important to her. Us just being together helped her a lot, and towards the end of the night she started to get very active (in what I felt) in her touching me back. Of course, being a guy I immediately normally would get my motor running and go to town! But, I held that part of myself back and just kept doing what I was doing. I asked her if she wanted to have sex and she said no, I'm just not really in the mood right now with whats going on, is that okay with me? To say I wasn't a little disappointed would be be a lie, but she was honest and I understood. It was easy for me to not get hurt because we do have a very active sex life and it's not like this was my only chance, etc. She ended up falling asleep in my arms last night. To count today i've gotten 2 calls and 4 texts from her repeating how much she's thankful for me doing that for her. 

It's good communication like that between partners is what keeps a marriage strong.


----------



## WantsHappiness (Jun 17, 2009)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



franklinfx said:


> Ok, we have women on here complaining that their men dont compliment them enough, show them enough attention, or make them feel wanted, then we have some that complain that their husbands smother them or, cant keep their hands off their bodies, which is it? Do you want men to want you, or not want you?:scratchhead:
> 
> Not trying to be a tool, but doesnt it seem odd, that whatever a woman's man does, she seems to want the opposite. The craziest thing to me is, it seems like the only guys that woman seem to think are perfect, are the guys who are blatantly, shtoop'n some other woman


The answer rather simple, Franklin. It's that not all women want the same thing. We cannot all be painted with a broad brush just as men cannot. The key is finding out what _your_ woman needs and fulfilling those needs (and vice versa of course). 

This is why these clichéd gender arguments are, frankly, useless. No offense to you, Sarah - please don't take it that way as I agree with your final assessment. But this is going on around here an awful lot lately. While there are clichés for a reason and the clichéd end results are based in truth the journey to the end result is unique to every couple.

Anyone see the movie What Women Want with Mel Gibson?


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



careful said:


> Sarah;
> 
> I don't have the experience in these matters like Turnera and others, but I can tell you that my situation is similar to yours, and my wife and I handled it all wrong.
> 
> ...


Thanks carefull, I definitely will... because nothing is more important than maintaining and growing one of the most important relationships in my life


----------



## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



franklinfx said:


> Ok, we have women on here complaining that their men dont compliment them enough, show them enough attention, or make them feel wanted, then we have some that complain that their husbands smother them or, cant keep their hands off their bodies, which is it? Do you want men to want you, or not want you?:scratchhead:
> 
> Not trying to be a tool, but doesnt it seem odd, that whatever a woman's man does, she seems to want the opposite. The craziest thing to me is, it seems like the only guys that woman seem to think are perfect, are the guys who are blatantly, shtoop'n some other woman


We don't like being smothered but we enjoy being touched, hugged and kissed in the right way at the right time and place...we either tell you, throw hints or some women don't say anything which is wrong. Also when we try to look good for you i.e dress up when going out, put on sexy makeup, wear sexy lingerie and such it wouldn't kill the man to NOTICE and to show that he's noticed. Being kissed and complimented doesn't always mean that there's going to be sex. It just shows our husband still finds us attractive which makes us feel "wanted".


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



cherrypie18 said:


> being kissed and complimented doesn't always mean that there's going to be sex.


amen!


----------



## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

I can pinpoint when sex in my relationship took a downhill turn.

As if birthcontrol wasn't enough of an anti-stimulous, Stress is a main factor in our marriage, we don't share it, I keep it all to myself because I can't handle or deal with him when he's stressed. for example this morning, the dog had pooped on the couch last night, so as he's angry, I tried to suggest not throwing garbage in a can the animals will get into without a doubt and he snapped at me, I just walked away. no point in discussing it further, it won't go anywhere. it took him 15 minutes to get up and come into the bedroom to kiss me goodnight, and I was already almost completely asleep (I work nights)

But it is stress. When we first moved out of his parents house it was a whirlwind of trying to get bills in order and trying to manage weekly bank deposits. Every time he lost a job it got harder and I got more stressed. I stopped shopping, I stopped going out, I stopped doing anything that costs, he didn't. So I ended up trying to make up for his costs. Then I had a savings plan on my own I was doing, he started robbing it for cigarettes.

I love him, I think he's gorgeous, but the stress from managing a household myself for a grown adult was too much, at one point I broke down in tears in the kitchen making dinner because I was so terrified of being poor.(technically we are but you know what I mean)

The more weight sitting on me, the less drive I have, and since I can't get cooperation out of him on these things, I can't get rid of the weight. (its his and my fault, I'm a control freak about our money to make sure we have it, he decides to quit school to the tune of $40,000 and then run up $200 on my credit card in a month without me knowing)

Aside from that, consistant sex gives me yeast infections. So we have weeks where we cannot get enough of eachother are going at it 4 times a day, and for a week or two I can't touch him or I'll end up with an infection, on top of my cysts, tilted uterus, and endometriosis.

So I think what I'm saying and the general idea is, the lack of communication and understanding between the partners after marriage contributes greatly to lack of sex. many of our fights have been him wondering why I don't want him, and me wondering how he can't figure it out, (god forbid I try to talk to him, its nothing more than an insult and he shuts me out)

Ican't share my stresses with him, he gets mad that he can't fix it, and he can't always share with me because I resent him for not caring about my problems. (I have been working on this I can see where I fall short too)

nothing like happily ever after eh?

my husband always compliments me, makes me feel wanted and loved, but at some points its just annoying. like how can you be worried about why I'm naked when we can no longer afford to live?


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

YES - affection without sex is needed this is true and it is important. 

And EQUALLY important is the female responsibility to recognize that if your guy has a higher drive than you do, you need to work WITH that powerful energy and not against it. 

TELL him directly what creates sparks and what kills sparks. And then link HIS behavior to your response. It is ok to say - you cannot seriously expect me to feel desire when you do "X, Y and Z". 

Just be careful - it is tempting to utilize sexual leverage way beyond the bounds of fairness. Conflict is part of marriage. If he fights fair and is mostly reasonable don't play the game of "now I am stressed about our argument = no sex for you". 

A LOT of guys slowly get emasculated this way. Do you really want to be with a guy whose spirit you have crushed?




cherrypie18 said:


> We don't like being smothered but we enjoy being touched, hugged and kissed in the right way at the right time and place...we either tell you, throw hints or some women don't say anything which is wrong. Also when we try to look good for you i.e dress up when going out, put on sexy makeup, wear sexy lingerie and such it wouldn't kill the man to NOTICE and to show that he's noticed. Being kissed and complimented doesn't always mean that there's going to be sex. It just shows our husband still finds us attractive which makes us feel "wanted".


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

As always, it's about balance and fairness.


----------



## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



franklinfx said:


> Ok, we have women on here complaining that their men dont compliment them enough, show them enough attention, or make them feel wanted, then we have some that complain that their husbands smother them or, cant keep their hands off their bodies, which is it? Do you want men to want you, or not want you?:scratchhead:
> 
> Not trying to be a tool, but doesnt it seem odd, that whatever a woman's man does, she seems to want the opposite. The craziest thing to me is, it seems like the only guys that woman seem to think are perfect, are the guys who are blatantly, shtoop'n some other woman


Are you bitter, Franklinfx? You keep saying things like this. Would you like to share what happened in your marriage/relationship because I don't really see your assessment happening on the board a lot. There are different complaints and most are very common but extremely few complaints from women about being smothered. Women complain of being groped and feeling objectified by their man, but who complains of too much attention? It's the wrong kind of attention, the disrespectful displays, that get complained about. That simply means there is a way to do things and a way not to do things. Not wanting every hug to be expected to turn into sex is a legitimate complaint, but the complaint is not about the hug. Who complains about being hugged? Hugs, kisses, compliments, and such are genuine displays of love, affection, and attention. Sex is none of those. So, if your complaint is - as it has been in previous posts - that women don't want sex, then please state your opinion in context with the complaint because this complaint by this member is not about sex. This complaint is about him slacking off in the attention and affection departments. Men wanting sex or women not wanting sex has nothing to do with attention or affection. There is nothing confusing about what women want as long as someone like yourself can understand that displays of attention and affection are not equated with sex.


----------



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Franklin,
This is a completely valid point. All I can tell you is that you need to be able to read your partner to get a sense of what they really want. 

My experience has been that it is a terrible mistake to consistently radiate more love at your female partner than she is radiating at you. If you are always the one saying ILY first, initiating hugs first, etc. etc. you are likely to eventually cause harm. 

But none of this matters unless you are a really good partner. Balancing emotional expression does not mean you get to be lazy, hypersensitive, combative, controlling, boring, etc. 





franklinfx said:


> Ok, we have women on here complaining that their men dont compliment them enough, show them enough attention, or make them feel wanted, then we have some that complain that their husbands smother them or, cant keep their hands off their bodies, which is it? Do you want men to want you, or not want you?:scratchhead:
> 
> Not trying to be a tool, but doesnt it seem odd, that whatever a woman's man does, she seems to want the opposite. The craziest thing to me is, it seems like the only guys that woman seem to think are perfect, are the guys who are blatantly, shtoop'n some other woman


----------



## hurtin4certain (Jun 30, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Heed Turnera's advice and read the book _His Needs Her Needs. Have you ever heard that "men need sex to feel loved and women need to feel loved to want sex?" It's oh so true!_


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Good point cherry! And oh so true Hurtin! I might have to check out that book, in addition the love languages that I am already reading...


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

by the way, I did talk with my husband about the way I'm feeling... he feels overwhelmed because he is not good at communicating his feelings (which I expected).. so I suggested that maybe he makes a list for himself of the things that he likes about our relationship, and me,... then maybe share one of the things with me every so often... that way I would get the little affirmation that I need every so often, and he would not feel overwhelmed... maybe this would be a way to meet in the middle?


----------



## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Go to marriagebuilders.com and print out the Love Busters and Emotional Needs questionnaires. Both of you flll them out, and then share them. You will learn what he is thinking and vice versa. Then you will KNOW exactly what to do!


----------



## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



franklinfx said:


> Not trying to be a tool, but doesnt it seem odd, that whatever a woman's man does, she seems to want the opposite. The craziest thing to me is, it seems like the only guys that woman seem to think are perfect, are the guys who are blatantly, shtoop'n some other woman



A lot of women love being chased. A couples counselor I knew once said once you learn the code to what a woman wants it changes. What you have to be is true to your self and don't do things that will compromise your self respect or emasculate you. I told my wife a long time ago that I can't read minds and she will need to communicate with me. I stopped accepting "I don't know" as an answer. I also make sure I communicate my feelings/issues and try not to leave her guessing. it's worked well for us.


----------



## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

I think we run into dangerous ground when we stereotype either sex. The fact is, no one likes to be stereotyped, and there are both men and women on each side of the spectrum when it comes to attention giving or sex. 

Historically, you will find this if you read through old posts on this forum. 

The most important thing is to know your partner and what works best for your relationship because each relationship is unique.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

And yet, stereotypes exist for a reason.

What's REALLY important to remember is that it's always my partner who is stereotypical - never me.

This message was brought to you by the word Sarcasm and the number 3.


----------



## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



Deejo said:


> This message was brought to you by the word Sarcasm and the number 3.


lol:rofl:

You're right though, they do exist for a reason. The human brain naturally "categorizes" information in order to make it easier for us to comprehend. It's a natural tendency we all have. (that's my theory anyway)


----------



## Blue Moon (Sep 7, 2009)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Both sides tend to forget the little things that got them there after saying "I do's." We expect it to just WORK without having to do any work. In reality the work goes up a notch because the game has been changed.

The onus is on the man to create the sexual environment. While it'd be nice for the wife to jump his bones all the time with or without a reason, 9 times out of 10 that won't happen. Lots of women find a man taking charge and being in control of his environment sexy and if the husband isn't doing so then her interest might drop.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



Chris H. said:


> lol:rofl:
> 
> You're right though, they do exist for a reason. The human brain naturally "categorizes" information in order to make it easier for us to comprehend. It's a natural tendency we all have. (that's my theory anyway)


I'd agree with that. You're pretty smart for a little dude, Chris.


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



Blue Moon said:


> Both sides tend to forget the little things that got them there after saying "I do's." We expect it to just WORK without having to do any work.


Yup. Most people become passive and routine about their marriage and their lives, once the parties over and the band has gone home. I'm agreeing with your observation, not trying to stereotype all marriages.


----------



## brad (Jul 31, 2008)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

great advice from the guy above. (poster careful on page one)

I think it's very small minded of you to make this a women-man thing. As if men are the only ones who start some sort of neglect. It works both ways. 

Just like you think he's blind to some of your needs I bet you would not even consider the fact that you could be blind to some of his needs.

Communicate.


----------



## sarahsmiles (Jun 29, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

Thank you all for your posts on this subject. I appreciate all perspectives  I have printed the questionaires from MarriageBuilders.com and will see if he will complete them with me.  Yes, marriage is work indeed... but I think the work should be done on both sides, mine and his....


----------



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*



sarahsmiles said:


> I am new to this group. My husband and I have been married 1 year in March of this year. I have begun to wonder if the reason the cliche exists, and if there isn't a possible reason behind it.
> 
> Could it possibly be because after marriage, the man no longer works as hard at making his lady feel like she is the most beautiful woman in the world to him? He works hard during the courting stage.. and, tell me if Im wrong ladies, it turns us on to feel beautiful and desireable.
> 
> ...


It could be, but the "cliche" is far too common for it to be all encompassing. My wife and I just had this conversation just for the fun of it.

Really for her Cleaning the house is her sex!! It's a priority for her she enjoys it and has her way of doing it. I do dishes, clothes, vacuum, kids, etc she does the rearranging and the decorating etc etc. She feels like men and woman are wired different too. It's not like she doesn't enjoy it, she doesn't fixate on it like I do though, and we're pretty active 2-3 times a week depending, but for me it's a daily goal for her it's not. We're pretty frequent for being a 13yr+ couple with kids and full time jobs.

She knows without a doubt she's my world. I would guarantee more so now than ever! I agree very few woman are just sex maniacs while most guys I know (mid thirties) would gladly have a 5-6 night a week sex life.

Wired different I think!!


----------



## olwhatsisname (Dec 5, 2012)

*Re: The Cliche - "Women lose interest in sex after marriage".. a possible reason*

women need to feel special,<however the words used become same old STUFF,QUICKLY. WE THINK WE BELONG TO YOU AND LITTLE ELSE NEEDS TO BE SAID. THE TIME THING STRESSES ME OUT OVER TIME. WE WOULD DEAL WITH IT DIFFERENTLY IF WE KNEW IT WOULD BE THROWN IN OUR FACES 25 TO 50 TEARS LIKE YOU felt unloved because of a need we didn't see. women raise the bar so men come up short of the mark. the return should be worth the effort.understand what i'm saying. if YOU didn't recieve the love we thought we gave you who is short of the mark ???


----------

