# Dating after Divorce



## Morgiana (Oct 18, 2011)

My D was finalized about 15 months ago now, and I've started to date. I've been seeing someone exclusively for about the last year that I've known for going on five years. To put this in perspective, I only dated my ex really for about 3 months before we ended up in "the family way." That being said, I'm having trouble now understanding what it means to be dating and the ebb and flow of a new relationship that isn't rushed by pregnancy into a marriage. Really, it comes down to I am not very confident in my ability to have a good man-picker yet, since I have a doozy of an ex; and so any variation of emotion I have with the bf, I can't tell if that is me being insecure or if that means the relationship is doomed.

Basically we see each other on average for 3-4 nights a week, and they are the highlight of my week. Most every other day he and I text at the very least, although neither of us seems to really want to talk on the phone much.

I am an over-thinker, and he is a make your mind up in 5 seconds kind-of-guy. But when I'm with him, I've always been able to relax and let my mind just stay in the present. I don't worry as much about things, his presence helps center me. And when I'm around him, he seems to relax a lot as well. I know he sleeps better when I'm around. I enjoy his presence, I enjoy his touch and touching him.

A couple weeks ago when we had a fight, he thought I was breaking up with him; and I thought he was breaking up with me. Both of us kinda had a hard time with that. He was shell-shocked and I was a bit of a mess. But we worked it out, and found that both of us were making assumptions about the others behavior. It also seems we are both trying to pay more attention to the problem spots to be as clear as possible in conveying what we mean.

That being said, I find that the 'honeymoon' phase of dating him is dimming. I continually am evaluating our suitability together. And then I get paranoid that evaluating means that we aren't suitable. But then since I never really 'dated' someone long-term before (last time I dated was right out of college, and longest relationship was maybe 15 months when I was still under 20), I don't know if this is what you are supposed to be looking for.

Or am I just completely over-thinking things and I should just go with the flow. Anyone care to share how they approached dating post-divorce?

Cheerio,
-M


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

You are doing just fine. I think what I'd want to know is, are you truly compatible? Are your values and attitudes about important things the same? Do you have similar goals and expectations for the future? Do you have at least some shared interests and activities that you like doing together? Can you have a conversation about a variety of things? Have you discussed and agreed on potential issues and concerns, about behaviors and boundaries that you feel are necessary for a committed relationship?

It's been about a year - to move forward, I think these kinds of questions need to be discussed.


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

_I am an over-thinker_

Yup. Relax and enjoy your time together.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Go do the 5lovelanguages.com tests and then start trying to speak each other's langauage.
Its a fun way to start the process of evaluating coupledom.

BTW...relax.
This is very normal.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Why did his last LTR end?
How many children do you have? Is he already a father?

Have you introduced your kids to him?

Does he drink, smoke or use drugs?

How old are you?

Do your sex drives match well?


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## Chuck71 (Nov 5, 2012)

I echo what has been said previously.... also.... communicate and most 

blow ups are easily avoided.


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