# I love my wife but....



## deepwater (Apr 3, 2012)

G,day I am really confused about my marriage and situation
I would love some honest no BS feedback...I will try and keep it breif but there are so many factors etc.
Here we go. I met my wife at work 5 years ago we were buddied together by her mother (my boss and more recently bussiness partner ) Feelings developed and we became an item. we married 18 months ago and things quickly changed after 6 months . We have two children from her past relationship that are a pair of disrespectful %#@#$ for anything and everyone I have tried aimlessly from every angle to help them but to no avail ..mainly because my wife keeps making excuses for them...their biological father could not give two hoots and we only hear from him when he is calling my wife at 2am in the morning etc. This I have accepted will never change we will never have anything nice because the kids will destroy it..I have done everything for them even bought them cars only to cop a spit in the face they are in thier mid to late teens ..so they are not babies (or should not be!)
My wife never backs me up on anything when i have a concern about somthing i am told to shut up because i am whinging..but i am always a council to her whims etc.
The major PROBLEM... I put in a couple of 100k in her mothers business on assurance that it was a safe investment only to find out a week later that there was a bad tax debt that is now sinking the business...
To make matters worse My business partner(motherinlaw)is leasing my house and I am always chasing her for rent This is a property I owned before i met my wife..
I have had to go away interstate to earn more money to cover the bad investment so i do not lose the house...Bearing in mind my wife earns more money than me and owns quite a few properties herself. 

I have done my best to commit to my marriage but I am at wits end...
I do not trust her anymore
I feel used and disrespected
So I feel very bitter against my wife because she knew about the trouble with the business before I put my house as collatoral and did not tell me and the fact that she is not standing behind me on anything ...faark I can not tell her anything without her blabbing it to everyone...plus when ever we argue she seeks council from her mother for advice( her mother has no respect for men at all ) After reading through this ranting..I feel like a pu##y..I wish I could step up ..I am confused...my wife wants me to come home .but there is no work there...she is always saying **** about her ex contacting her inappropriately...yeah this is the one that has the massive you know what..etc 
The above is just the major things that are a problem
I am embarrassed and probably to proud to confide in friends or family regarding this....She is not the woman I thought ...any advice or suggestions would be great thank you.


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## ccd (Apr 1, 2012)

Jeez, I think you're wife is worse than mine and that's saying something judging by what other people are telling me. As I myself am starting to find, it's time to man up. People have pointed me to the 180 system to try and rebalance things. Much like me, your wife is walking over you because you're letting her. She's destroying you financially and brings a whole load of disrespect from her kids and family. 

As a start, try and get her to some sort of therapy/councilling with you but if not, time to start your escape plan. Easier said than done though as I'm finding out.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

It doesnt seem like you want to put up with things the way they are, so at some point an "all or nothing" conversation is going to come up, and you need to decide for yourself if you think shes going to be with you, or bullsh!t you.

I think you already have an awareness about her and where she stands regarding you and your marriage. 
Becuase you have so much financially invested in the mother in law and her, I would tread carefully. 
Begin an educational goal for yourself to find out what your rights and obligations are as things are right now, then find out what your rights and obligations would be if you were to call an end to the marriage. this includes financial, partial business ownership of your MIL's business, community property, etc.
If you think therapy or counseling would be of use, then by all means check it out, but I'm with CCD on this one, it doesnt hurt to prepare for the worst. Dont wind up like me an taking massive amounts of community debt in order to have more time with my kid.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Deep,

First, contact a lawyer for a consultation on a divorce and see if they can address your concerns about what happens to you financially.

Next, you need to ask yourself if you want to save the marriage or move on. If you choose to stay and try to fix it, you and your wife need marriage counseling NOW.

If you want to move on, look up the 180 here. it will help prepare you for the next stage of your life

Good luck!


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