# Can't cope



## MrD (May 7, 2009)

Hello this is the first time that I have been on here, so bear with me, as i try to describe what has been going on, and is going on right now. We have been married for 29 years and for our whole 29 years it seems we have argued at least 1 or two monthes or more each year, it is mostly over the things I am not doing, like doing jobs around the house or being more responsible for things.When she gets mad it is the silent treatment for a couple of days, then a rage of anger with some name calling. Now she is not speaking to me because, she says that I don't listen to her anyway so why should she speak to me, that her words are wasted. She is tired of when she comes in from working long hours, and sees nothing being done in the house.Now don't get me wrong I do what I know to do, I empty the dishwasher, I put dishes back in the dishwasher, I empty the dryer, and fold or hang the clothes, and put them away. I mow the grass, I sweep the floors. But she criticizes the way that I do them. She is very controlling, and what is so bad is that I have let her be that way. I feel that the silent treatments are part of her controlling. Please lel me know what you think! I need help badly! Thanks!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I recommend a book called "The Five Love Languages." It seems that your not speaking your wifes love language and perhaps she's not speaking yours.

Tha's a heck of a long time to be angry/frustrated...life is too short. 

You have many years of setting up your roles in fighting. It will take awhile to chart a different course. During a time of calm, talk about how you'd like to change things. It will take work and effort on both of your parts. 

It would be good if you could go to couples counseling as well.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

the silent treatments are brutal. when my H did that to me i printed off an article on the effects of giving someone the silent treatment. My counselor also told him its a form of abuse. 

My H started criticizing me for how i was cleaning, cooking, etc once. it really hurt my feelings. I told him but he still pestered me. so i quit doing it all. I told him i would start again after he promised to stop criticizing me.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

The Five Love Languages is a good suggestion but I would add that it sounds like you might be a "nice guy". Are you seeking her approval? If so, consider checking this out as well:

No More Mr. Nice Guy! - The Nice Guy Syndrome


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