# Just when I think im ok



## Richi300 (Aug 11, 2016)

Tonight is weighing on me heavy. I knew for sure I was beginning to see blue skies. Im in the process of saling the home we purchased. While I was cleaning came across pictures, letters, and a lot other sentimental things to where so many feelings came rushing back all at once. I held it together telling myself its just a feeling it will pass but now that its dark and my mind is racing remembering all the moments I shared with this woman I feel so emotionally trapped. I don't know how the **** I'm going to move on. My trust has been dwindled down to nothing. I brought this women into my life. I allowed myself to put aside my bachelor ways for this unloyal piece of **** and put all my energy into being a dependable mate. I would be lying to you by saying the next person Im with. I do not see myself committing to anymore relationships. I don't know how long it will be until I'm not having anymore episodes like tonight but I don't believe in love any more. **** doesn't exist.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are clearly having a bad night. Just hang in there and this too will pass. Sadly, sometimes the only way to heal is to go straight through hell.


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## unbe (Dec 20, 2013)

Richi300 said:


> Tonight is weighing on me heavy. I knew for sure I was beginning to see blue skies. Im in the process of saling the home we purchased. While I was cleaning came across pictures, letters, and a lot other sentimental things to where so many feelings came rushing back all at once. I held it together telling myself its just a feeling it will pass but now that its dark and my mind is racing remembering all the moments I shared with this woman I feel so emotionally trapped. I don't know how the **** I'm going to move on. My trust has been dwindled down to nothing. I brought this women into my life. I allowed myself to put aside my bachelor ways for this unloyal piece of **** and put all my energy into being a dependable mate. I would be lying to you by saying the next person Im with. I do not see myself committing to anymore relationships. I don't know how long it will be until I'm not having anymore episodes like tonight but I don't believe in love any more. **** doesn't exist.


Brother things will get better and these nights will be less and less infrequent. Keep you head up and keep pushing through.

It may be time for you to obtain a safe man. Someone who will give it to you straight no matter what. I have one, many people on these boards do. If you need to talk to someone PM me, I will certainly pay it forward.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I was there once. Time, time is the only thing that really helps. The other thing it taught me is love is an act of faith. You know that now more clearly then you did before. Yes the next time you get to the place again, acting on it will a little harder, but really the danger was no different, you were just oblivious to it. Kind of like driving a car for the first time after having your first accident. And so like driving that car you will be more cautious. This in my opinion is a good thing. 

Relationships and love are the biggest emotional risk you can take, but like all great things in life anything that has great rewards takes a great amount of risk. You will have to be brave, you can't see that happening now but you will be able to get there. 

One other thing, use this to give you strength. After going through this (my first true love cheated on me and I found out when she didn't except my proposal. It took 2 year but I got over it, and am not happily married for 12 years) I know that if I could get through that pain I can get through anything. This helps me not have fear of relationships ending. I know I will survive and be happy again no matter what. I have never felt worse pain, though I suspect a loss of a child might be even harder. All that and I ended up having a deeper love and more joy in my life then before. 

I know it doesn't seem like it now but your life is not over. You will survive and be even stronger. Hit the gym (working out releases endorphins and gives you daily successes to feel good about). Immerse yourself in things you enjoy. Hang out with friends, and use the pain and anger to motivate you to do things that will help your life. 

To hell with this woman man, go live your life to the fullest.


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## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

Sorry to hear it bro.. day by day it will get smoother


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## Richi300 (Aug 11, 2016)

thank you guys for the support. I'm going to continue the good fight. Still, I wouldn't wish thesw rollercoaster of emotions on anyone.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Richi300 said:


> thank you guys for the support. I'm going to continue the good fight. Still, I wouldn't wish thesw rollercoaster of emotions on anyone.


Remember if you can get through this you can get through anything. It's emotional boot camp.


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## darkheavy (Jun 7, 2016)

Richi300 said:


> thank you guys for the support. I'm going to continue the good fight. Still, I wouldn't wish thesw rollercoaster of emotions on anyone.


I was in the same spot. My STBX left me to clean out the apartment we had...by myself. She left behind a _*lot *_ of her belongings. Clothes, pictures, sentimental items and the sort. I had a friend to help me, but even so. It was an emotionally hard time to go through. I also clearly remember the "emotional rollercoaster" you speak of. The days came in waves. For a few days I would be fine. Optimistic. On top of the world. Then one day I would have a thought...passing by one of the spots we used to frequent or hear a song on the radio we loved. I would be down for days, maybe _weeks _at a time. This started for me back in April. Six months later, the hurt is still there a bit. Can't deny that. However, the hurt is a lot less as time progresses.

Get yourself a good support system of family and friends. Also people that will give it to you straight. Don't rush the grieving. People do it in their own time. Seek professional help if need be. Live your life as full as you can. Do things for yourself. 

*I can honestly promise you that things do and will get better with time. You aren't alone! *


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

One day at a time. There is no guarantee when it comes to love but we have expectations, often time delusions about love. Whether you are happier in a bachelor lifestyle, which I have an aunt that enjoys relationships that are superficial because she enjoys her career and not having a family brings her more fulfillment than having one.

There is also some association that you made with love in general which all relationships differs from people to people. Your ex might of been a bad choice, but that is her and who she is. I would not let one relationship define them all and love does not mean that person is correct for you either.

But, just heal for now and surround yourself with those that care about you. When you are in a better state of mind, reevaluate your relationship, her behavior, your own, how you view love, what you want, signs to avoid, and how to detach. Also, Learn to separate love from people.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I got engaged to my high school sweetheart right before I went to fight in Vietnam. We were together for 4-5 years. A few months later my best friend informed me that she was cheating on me with another friend of mine. I refused to accept her apology and forgive her so I broke it off. I could not live with a wife whom had proven that she cannot be trusted and would so easily lie to me. Imagine being in combat living so you can go home and marry your first love. That did not happen but luckily I lived.

I got over her by getting under another girl in a purely sexual relationship for a month. It did help a lot. Then I met someone at work and we ended up living with each other. She too cheated on me with a friend of mine. It is no wonder that my marriage is non monogamous. This month we celebrate our 44th year of marriage. Despite our non monogamy, you can count the number of outside sexual partners we had combined, on both hands and still have a finger or two left over. We have learned the truth of the expression that says if you love someone let them go. If they come back they are yours. If they do not return they were never yours to begin with.

I do feel the difference in being with someone who stays and loves me even though she is free to see others. She is not staying with me because of marital vows, religious or social convention. We also never feel trapped in our marriage and never take each other for granted. We treat each other like we did when we dated. We make each other feel desirable and actually say we love you to each other daily. Something that is lacking in many marriages.

The success of my non traditional marriage came as a big shock to me since I was raised in an old fashioned family where you were monogamous no matter what and marriage was for life. Sometimes we need to make our own marriages rather than stick to the rules of society and our religions. Like you, when I married I did not commit myself to monogamy since I was burnt twice before. I got to feel like I was the only schmuck who took a promise of sexual fidelity seriously.


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