# Maybe I should ask wife for open marriage.



## Mr.PotentialFulfilled (Jan 5, 2010)

After yet another night of no sex after she said we will, maybe I should ask my wife for an opened marriage. We are supposed to be people of faith. But I don't want to spend the rest of my days living a non sexual existence. Sexuality is such a fantastic thing. I can't believe I am living without it. I don't know if I should seriously ask her if she wants to have an opened marriage. She can let me get my needs me elsewhere while we both live under the same roof.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Or just ask for divorce. Have you had an honest discussion with her about your needs? From your other threads it just seems like your looking to cheat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Btw do keep in mind that an open marriage means she is free to hop on other d!ck as well.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr.PotentialFulfilled (Jan 5, 2010)

I have had honest discussions with her. My problem is I have no means of finance. I'm a loser in the job department. I hate to say it, but I am. I am financially dependent on my wife, expect for the inheritance I got.


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Maybe the reason you aren't getting sex is because she has lost respect for you. Is there a reason why you are at a loss for a job? Does she understand that reason or does she resent it?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

If you do this, your wife (no matter how rough she looks) will get plenty more action than you will, if she wants it. Which she probably will if you push her into it. She has no attraction to you. Mexican women judge a man to a great extent by his ability to provide, actually so do American women, it's just not as front and center. 

How often do other women hit on you these days? What's your physique look like?


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

anony2 said:


> Maybe the reason you aren't getting sex is because she has lost respect for you. Is there a reason why you are at a loss for a job? Does she understand that reason or does she resent it?


:iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

anony2 said:


> Maybe the reason you aren't getting sex is because she has lost respect for you. Is there a reason why you are at a loss for a job? Does she understand that reason or does she resent it?


:iagree::iagree:


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I read your other posts so I could get more background on your situation. I'll be direct: an "open" marriage is an oxymoron. There is nothing "open" about screwing around; it always involves sneakiness and it always involves an element of sharing personal intimacy with someone other than one's spouse.

I find nothing "open" about that. You are looking for a green card to pass go, collect $200, and screw around on your wife.

Go out and get a job. Even if it's working retail during the Christmas season. Do SOMETHING. You are sitting around, feeling down on yourself, and maintaining victim-mode. I doubt your wife finds that appealing.

Work on yourself and quit trying to take the easy way out by jumping on top of another woman.


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## heavensangel (Feb 12, 2012)

My problem is I have no means of finance. I'm a loser in the job department.

This is the exact reason you've lost it in the bedroom as well. Not so much the money but sounds like you have no motivation to do anything (except get a piece from someone else). If you're not motivated to do anything to better yourself and at the same time your marriage, why would you expect your wife to do anything to better your sex life. There's more to a marriage than sex simply because you want it. You want it bad enough- be a man - get off your A$$, get a job, get active, take care of yourself - by doing this just maybe you'll again get your wife's attention enough to actually cause her to see you in a different light. Right now, with just your posts to go on: LAZY BUM is not going to turn any woman on!!!!!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I would agree with the above posters. And add that in my opinion, open marriages only have a chance if the relationship is healthy and strong, and the couple is able to communicate easily and clearly on any issues that they have. An open marriage based on a troubled relationship will quickly implode.

C


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ashamedbuthonest said:


> After yet another night of no sex after she said we will, maybe I should ask my wife for an opened marriage. We are supposed to be people of faith. But I don't want to spend the rest of my days living a non sexual existence. Sexuality is such a fantastic thing. I can't believe I am living without it. I don't know if I should seriously ask her if she wants to have an opened marriage. She can let me get my needs me elsewhere while we both live under the same roof.


An 'open marriage' like as in an 'open sewer'? do you mean?


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## BrookeT (Nov 3, 2012)

I am really not trying to be a b!tch, but I am going to be honest. An open marriage isn't going to do you any good. If your wife won't have sex with you, what makes you think another woman will? Most women aren't going to find an unemployed, financially dependent, married man sexy and make them want to hop into bed with you. 

Your wife doesn't view you as a man, hence no sex. You need to work on fixing that. Step one, get a job. Doesn't matter what kind, but show some initiative and get off your butt and start contributing to the household. 

An open marriage won't fix your problem.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

You say that you're not getting your needs met. Are you meeting your wife's needs? By the sounds of things that isn't likely, hence her lack of interest in sex.

Sitting at home contemplating your sexual needs, and the possibility of an open marriage, isn't going to get you a job and out of the rut you're in.

Focus on a healthier more productive life, and don't stop until you achieve it.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

open marriage requires a couple that respects each other, if you start without the foundations your marriage will crumble quite easily

source- me and my wife are swingers who loves to explore our fantasy and enhance our sexual experiences together



ashamedbuthonest said:


> I have had honest discussions with her. My problem is I have no means of finance. I'm a loser in the job department. I hate to say it, but I am. I am financially dependent on my wife, expect for the inheritance I got.


dude get a job THEN DAMIT jeeze if i m your wife i should have kick you out of the curb by now.........


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Divorce >>>Open Marriage. At least with divorce you won't be thinking about who your wife banged tonight while you had old Mrs Fist to relieve yourself.


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

BjornFree said:


> Divorce >>>Open Marriage. At least with divorce you won't be thinking about who your wife banged tonight while you had old Mrs Fist to relieve yourself.


ok i had to explain this, open-marriage doesn't mean divorce, opening the marriage requires

-same level of sex drive
-a good sexlife
-both of the spouse "really" wants to open up the marriage
-high levels of communication
-high levels of honesty (complete honesty)
-setting rules
-can separate sex/emotions really well 
-etc

the bottomline is that open-marriage requires high maintenance, only 15% of all marriages had it and the chances of sucess "unknown"

What the OP ask for an open marriage is opening the Pandora box, once its open it will never be close. And since you had weak reasons of opening-up the marriage. I really think you should really ask for help rather doing it. Opening-up the marriage only enhance a good marriage but cannot fix a bad one. 

Its your choice but do not regret it


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Opening-up the marriage only enhance a good marriage but cannot fix a bad one.


That's what most people don't get

For a bad marriage, an open marriage won't fix it, and worse - it will DESTROY it


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## the liberal one (Nov 4, 2012)

RandomDude said:


> That's what most people don't get
> 
> For a bad marriage, an open marriage won't fix it, and worse - it will DESTROY it


my words exactly really the rewards were amazing if you open-up your marriage but only honest, communicative, equally kinky, either spouse really into the idea, will succeed. All other will fail as fast or messy as possible.

p.s i don't know why most people don't get it, you can just google it quite easily


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

It's a lot easier for your wife to find a man to have sex with her then it will be for you to find a woman to have sex with.


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## Mr.PotentialFulfilled (Jan 5, 2010)

Thanks for all your responses. I agree. She probably doesn't respect me. Please know I am not lazy. Virtually all the jobs I have applied for have not come through. I feel all the doors have closed. I have tried. But this does not mean the future can't be bright. It will be.
By the way, my wife says he feel discomfort when we have sex. But she doesn't get help for it.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

So you up the respect level by having that invigorating shower first thing. Your "job" right now is to find one and do everything a housewife does.

Then insist she go to a doctor because sex is important to bond and show love. She is not getting her needs met, either - hers are emotional. She is not motivated to seek out what hurts because she really just doesn't care about having sex with you.

So talk it out and fix both issues.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Go ahead and ask her. Let us know what she says. (I'm grabbing a comfy chair and some popcorn in the meantime.)


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

ashamedbuthonest said:


> Thanks for all your responses. I agree. She probably doesn't respect me. Please know I am not lazy. Virtually all the jobs I have applied for have not come through. I feel all the doors have closed. I have tried. But this does not mean the future can't be bright. It will be.
> By the way, my wife says he feel discomfort when we have sex. But *she doesn't get help for it*.


Because it's just an excuse to say, "No!"


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Because you are not working, you have too much time on your hands to ruminate about nonsense.

I understand how hard the job market is right now. Maybe go to school or volunteer until you can find a job.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

I believe that bringing a third person into your marriage, independently of the feelings you have for her/him, is the fastest way to implode a marriage. 

How the hell is having an affair (even if your wife agrees with it, it is still an affair) supposed to save a marriage? 

You made a commitment to honor your wife, when you got married. Talk to her! Don't tip toe around the problem. Be assertive and clear about your feelings and wants, and that they are not being met in the present. If she does not acknowledge you both have a problem, perhaps you should consider a definite resolution to your problem.


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## Memento (Aug 23, 2012)

"the bottomline is that open-marriage requires high maintenance, only 15% of all marriages had it and the chances of sucess "unknown"" <------------ Based on which studies? Which data? 

I have yet to find a happily married couple, that truly loves and respect each other, that would agree to such a thing. Happy and healthy couples don't have the need to find others to satisfy their needs, regardless of their nature.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

Memento said:


> I believe that bringing a third person into your marriage, independently of the feelings you have for her/him, is the fastest way to implode a marriage.
> 
> How the hell is having an affair (even if your wife agrees with it, it is still an affair) supposed to save a marriage?
> 
> You made a commitment to honor your wife, when you got married. Talk to her! Don't tip toe around the problem. Be assertive and clear about your feelings and wants, and that they are not being met in the present. If she does not acknowledge you both have a problem, perhaps you should consider a definite resolution to your problem.


:iagree:


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

ashamedbuthonest said:


> Thanks for all your responses. I agree. She probably doesn't respect me. Please know I am not lazy. Virtually all the jobs I have applied for have not come through. I feel all the doors have closed. I have tried. But this does not mean the future can't be bright. It will be.
> By the way, my wife says he feel discomfort when we have sex. But she doesn't get help for it.


If she doesn't respect you, she'll stop trying. Pain or not, if she respected you she would seek help and do what she could to make your sex life together better.

Finding you attractive is a huge component of her wanting sex. Without respect how does she do that?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> Mexican women ....


One of our 50 is missing! (OP's from *New* Mexico).

I agree with your point that she has likely lost respect for the OP because of his job situation. And she will get far more action than OP if the marriage is open.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

ashamedbuthonest said:


> Thanks for all your responses. I agree. She probably doesn't respect me. Please know I am not lazy. Virtually all the jobs I have applied for have not come through. I feel all the doors have closed. I have tried. But this does not mean the future can't be bright. It will be.
> By the way, my wife says he feel discomfort when we have sex. But she doesn't get help for it.


Don't stop trying.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Thor said:


> One of our 50 is missing! (OP's from *New* Mexico).
> 
> I agree with your point that she has likely lost respect for the OP because of his job situation. And she will get far more action than OP if the marriage is open.


And the predominant ethnic group in New Mexico is? NOT the Swedes.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

You know, it gives me pause to see posts like this of people choosing desperate measures to get their needs met, and YET are NOT bringing their A game in the first place. 

If you're falling short somewhere and not meeting your SO or spouses needs, IMO you don't have any business making demands on them to meet yours.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> And the predominant ethnic group in New Mexico is? NOT the Swedes.


Depends on where in the state you are. In some areas it is Mexican ancestry. In other areas it is decidedly Spanish, as in the Spanish conquistadores. It is a bad mistake to call one the other.

The third largest ethnic group for a while there was Californians as they abandoned their homeland in the 80's in search of affordable housing.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Thor said:


> Depends on where in the state you are. In some areas it is Mexican ancestry. In other areas it is decidedly Spanish, as in the Spanish conquistadores. It is a bad mistake to call one the other.
> 
> The third largest ethnic group for a while there was Californians as they abandoned their homeland in the 80's in search of affordable housing.


You're mistaking "mestizo" for Mexican. Mexicans can be Indios, mestizos or pure, but along the valley they all went up the river from Mexico back in the day when it was Nueva España. Then they all became Mexicans in 1821. Pedantic Semantics.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

ashamedbuthonest said:


> After yet another night of no sex after she said we will, maybe I should ask my wife for an opened marriage. We are supposed to be people of faith. But I don't want to spend the rest of my days living a non sexual existence. Sexuality is such a fantastic thing. I can't believe I am living without it. I don't know if I should seriously ask her if she wants to have an opened marriage. She can let me get my needs me elsewhere while we both live under the same roof.


Putting aside the open marriage question for a moment let me just ask you this. What quality of woman do you expect to attract as a jobless man? What can you offer besides a d!ck? Women can get that anywhere.

As to the open marriage question, you say you are a religious man. You already know the answer to that question. If you don't then you're lying to yourself in more ways than one.

If you're truly unhappy, then file for divorce. But since you have no job, life won't be a picnic.

I'd say what you have to do is concentrate on finding a job. It's step 1 whether you want to rekindle attraction to you on your wife's part or whether you wan to D and play the field.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Machiavelli said:


> And the predominant ethnic group in New Mexico is? NOT the Swedes.


Gringos! Si?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Emerald said:


> Because you are not working, you have too much time on your hands to ruminate about nonsense.
> 
> I understand how hard the job market is right now. Maybe go to school or volunteer until you can find a job.


Agree. The longer you are unemployed, it's less likely about you being lazy (not looking hard enough) or doing a bad job of marketing yourself and more likely about you having a skill set that is not in demand. The longer you stay unemployed, the worse your problem will be.

My gut says that your wife is pissed about you not having a job. But, she is not going to feel any better about you flipping burgers for $9 per hour - at least not for long. My advice: if you can afford it at all, make developing a marketable skill set your priority. That can mean going back to school, developing skills as a volunteer, or taking an entry-level job in a good company and trying to work your way up.

Taking a crap job just to get by should be your last resort. As I noted, your wife is not likely to see you much better with a crappy job. More importantly, you need to set yourself up for long-term success. You succeeding over the long term is in both your best interests. If your wife will not support a genuine effort to improve yourself and succeed long-term, you need to consider whether you will be better off without her.

I was laid off from a very good job and right away my ex was hounding for me to get a job - any job. I admitted I needed to improve myself, stuck to my guns, and built for my future by earning my MBA while continuing my job search.

It's a good thing I did. I got practically zero interest until I completed my degree. If I had caved back then, I'd still be serving lattes or delivering pizza. Instead, I have at least a decent job and good prospects for the future.

Again, consider her needs but not at the expense of your future. You must be able to count on yourself at some point and don't know if she will stick around (or whether you will want her) regardless of what you do.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Gaia said:


> Btw do keep in mind that an open marriage means she is free to hop on other d!ck as well.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


and there are a ton of guys that would like to help her out but probabaly not so for you. 

most women can walk into a bar and with in 15mins be walking out with someone who would willing bang her. not so true for guys!!!!!


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Your screen name says it all. You've lost confidence in yourself and your wife followed suit. There is no shame in being handed a chance for a new direction in life. 

Look at your present situation for what it really is - a great chance to fearlessly take a new direction in your life. 

You are a man of faith so I am sure you have prayed on this. In my opinion, you can't make a generic prayer, it has to be specific. God cannot help you if you don't have a plan. 

You may not be able to get a job but you can research the type of education that would make you marketable, where your interest and talents are and what sector offers the best opportunity for career growth in this economy. 

Be a man with a plan. If your wife does not follow you in your pursuit then you can rethink the relationship. But you have bowed to defeat where there is only opportunity. Life is actually good!


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