# Has anyone else ever felt this way?



## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I just need to know if I'm not alone in this.

Some of you may know my hubs and I are having issues and are in counseling on about a weekly basis.

But in the meantime--that is, somewhere between the most recent fight and the next counseling session--I feel utterly lonely.

He goes on with a happy face and I carry these worries and hurts inside, wondering if they'll ever get answered or resolved.

And when we have a moment alone together, the connection I need to reassure me that this man is my partner and friend, and that it'll all be ok, is missing right now.
Because I'm trying to be less "needy," im not inclined to bring these thoughts to his attention.
It won't do any good, outside of therapy.
It's a combination of carrying the hurts from the past, and his lack of intuition and concern for my emotions, that leaves me feeling disconnected from him.

I have no one outside of TAM to talk to about this; i'm sure many of you can relate.

We've been married 6 months, it's been such a roller coaster, and I just want to know:
has anyone else felt this way?
And can it get better?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tiredspouse0297 (Dec 9, 2010)

I totally understand feeling alone when you aren't alone. I don't have many people to talk to and only one other person knows my entire story. I don't know if it can get better, there are days when TAM is the only thing that gets me through. My husband has been so nice the last few weeks and all it's doing is making me feel horrible for planning to leave him. He brought me flowers tonight and it made me feel even more alone. I don't feel anything for him anymore. I don't want to hurt him but I can't even get mad or frustrated at him. It's so sad.


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## janesmith (Nov 29, 2010)

i feel EXACTLY like this especially when i need him the most


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Thanks for relating, my anonymous friends...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

I think you'll find most of us on here feel lonely. I had a really good counselor for a couple of a years that i was able to connect with. she was the most compassionate person, not like most counselors. she really cared and i told her very personal things. she moved a few months ago so i do feel very lonely again. Its disheartening when you realize you cant share who you are with your spouse.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

I don't want to be lonely.
I'll give this the time and commitment that I can...I'll do my best and have faith...
But if we don't make things better in a reasonable amount of time...I won't stay.
That's not what I want, though. I want our love and commitment to triumph over this challenging phase so that it's nothing more than that...a phase, a difficult part of growing pains.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

i know what this is...always have the legs and pits hair free, make-up perfect smile, hair must be so clothes shoes.

me personally, not many people know the real me. yall do, yall see the silly crap i type, and i can take a joke, my advise is pretty close to help, but i feel like who am i to give advise to anyone, im not old enough, or married long enough, i havent travled around the world.

i have "peoples" not friends. i hang with hubby. and talk to my mom.

so...yes a little like a fake...lol


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## Threetimesalady (Dec 22, 2010)

But, you are needy...This is part of marriage...You cling together...I am sorry, but I don't know what problems that you had from the start, but mistakes (if they were made) should be remedied...All marriages weren't made in heaven...

FYI, I often wonder if our marriage would have survived had I not gotten pregnant within the first month....You had a spoiled rotten woman and a man coming from the service trying to turn into a husband....Believe me, it was very touch and go....Take care....


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## lucky007 (Dec 30, 2010)

Why should we feel alone??? isn't that the reason you get married, to have a partner/best-friend to sharte your thoughts, feelings, and time with. 
Perhaps we feel alone because we're not with someone has similar interests, values, future goals etc. 
I thought I had the perfect relationship until I got married and had a baby ............ my supportive wonderful man turned selfish, and disinterested in evrything I love
How much time should be wasted trying to make it work?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

I have found that men are better at separating their feelings than women are.

They can be upset or concerned, but put it away in a corner and go on about the rest of their life as though nothing is wrong, even if it is.

We tend to obsess, want to fix it, discuss it, be held, be nurtured, etc., and we'll lay awake at night thinking about it while he sleeps soundly next to us.

We're just different. Sometimes men don't understand that we feel lonely, even when they're in the same room. They just don't get it, they are wired differently.

I know how you feel about being married but feeling lonely even when he's sitting right next to you. Remember - as my counselor once said, sometimes you have to "blow sunshine up your own ass" and not wait for someone to make you feel better, do it yourself.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

thats how i feel im needy, i have this little voice that tells me all thse things of not being good enough, and he is my best friend and i rely on him sooo much.

i often feel like i can be pretty, but its not a sub for real male friends. i would also be crazy jeleous if he had other friends.

see im twisted.


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## Confused Love (Dec 29, 2010)

Ok, so I am not great at this forum thing. I have typed out four responses and deleted them all because they just don't seem helpful. Anyway, I totally have felt the way you described, even with that not being able to talk to my husband about it. It drove me away, caused me to try and fill the connection elsewhere, but it did get better. If you both want things to be good then it will get better. Him with a smiling face acting like everything is great is I think just the way a lot of guys handle things. 

Is your lack of connection just because of unresolved hurts? Or is it because he is not filling other needs as well?


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Confused Love said:


> Ok, so I am not great at this forum thing. I have typed out four responses and deleted them all because they just don't seem helpful. Anyway, I totally have felt the way you described, even with that not being able to talk to my husband about it. It drove me away, caused me to try and fill the connection elsewhere, but it did get better. If you both want things to be good then it will get better. Him with a smiling face acting like everything is great is I think just the way a lot of guys handle things.
> 
> Is your lack of connection just because of unresolved hurts? Or is it because he is not filling other needs as well?


You're doing great - well thought out - you'll fit in here just fine!


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## Confused Love (Dec 29, 2010)

MarriedWifeInLove said:


> You're doing great - well thought out - you'll fit in here just fine!


Aw!! Thank you very much.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Mwil, that describes us precisely.
Yes, I think my hubs deals with our issues by compartmentalizing the uncomfortable feelings and putting on an extra-happy face.
I, on the other hand, let it get me down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## rnjp07 (Dec 28, 2010)

lucky007 said:


> Why should we feel alone??? isn't that the reason you get married, to have a partner/best-friend to sharte your thoughts, feelings, and time with.
> Perhaps we feel alone because we're not with someone has similar interests, values, future goals etc.
> I thought I had the perfect relationship until I got married and had a baby ............ my supportive wonderful man turned selfish, and disinterested in evrything I love
> How much time should be wasted trying to make it work?



I agree, I have been married 3 years and it seems like the last 6 months have been worst then the first 2 years. I have not once in these 3 years have felt like i have had my husband by my side to support me in any way. I have not had a best friend, I have been completely alone due to our recent move to a different state away from our families. Though he does have family here, I have nobody. Not even him. 
So do things get any better? Yes if you have communication, trust and he can show you the attention and love that EVERY woman needs. If not, then no... It will not work. Im just someone thats praying it will change when in my heart I know... Its over.


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## credamdóchasgra (Sep 24, 2010)

Well, somehow things are better today.
Funny how it takes 6 days after a huge fight before I feel really better.
The goal: not such huge fights
and: bounce back in less time

I mean, seriously...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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