# Never had the big O...EVER!!



## PrettyHippie (Nov 20, 2010)

I am SO frustrated. I'm 27, happily married, decently attractive, happy about my life, it's all good! We've had some rocky spots, but all in all we have a great marriage! MY sex life is a big problem though. I've wondered for a long time now, basically since I started having sex, why on earth I can never O. I have never been able to have one, not with any of my partners nor by myself. And trust me, some of my ex-partners were excellent. Not that I've been with lot and lots of guys, but enough to make a good call! It's always been a red flag when I've never been able to get myself there. That fact was what made my husband realize I wasn't making it up. I have no idea what an orgasm even feels like! Yes...feel bad for me! I feel like I'm broken. I started doing some online research and stumbled across what I believe my problem is. Nerve damage. I am 99.999% positive that I damaged my girly bit nerves when I was about 13. It never even crossed my mind until I really thought about it. I was really involved in the world of horses and one day during a showjumping lesson I got off balance and came down REALLY hard on the front of the saddle...I'm not joking when I say it hurt so bad I saw stars. I was black and blue down there the next day. So yeah...that was at the age of 13 before I was doing anything too sexual other than swooning over the cute guys in class. I wasn't sexual enough to have gotten close to an orgasm yet. We've been struggling with a total lack of sex in our relationship lately but that is majorly due to the fact that I'm nursing our 4 month old. I had NO desire the entire time I was pregnant too. It was the exact same way while I was pregnant with our two year old too, so I know it's just hormonal. After she finally weaned around 15 months my drive came back. Here is the thing...I feel like I'm missing out on so much. I love sex with my husband, I really do. He wants so badly to get me there poor guy. He really likes to use his hands and mouth down there but I HATE it. HATE IT!! Needless to say I haven't let him lately. It just doesn't do anything for me and it seems to be due to lack of sensation. Why would I want to submit to something that doesn't do anything for me at all and just makes me uncomfortable because all it does is remind me that I'm broken to an extent. Mentally I'm in the sex game, physically I'm in the sex game, but the nerves are just not. *Sigh* This sucks! I guess it would be like a guy having a numb penis. Yes it still technically works, but at the same time it doesn't. I so want to be able to enjoy that aspect of having sex! Sex itself feels great but I can never reach that final point. I feel like everyone else is a member of this secret society that I've been denied membership to. All joking aside, I really am quite frustrated and depressed about this. From what I've read you really can't fix the nerve damage once it's been done. I just need some encouragement...someone to say it's ok. I feel like an inadequate woman, wife, and lover. Any advice?! Thanks!!


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## Smackdown (Feb 21, 2011)

That does suck, I can tell you my wife had her first "O" when she was 17, I gave it to her and have been the only one who has...when she did have it I put my mind into it. It had been about 4 weeks of just "her", I'd sit down and ask what felt good, too much, too little, faster...you get it. Well when she did explode I was set back, I had never seen a woman cum like she did but it was wonderful!!
A woman's body is not an easy thing, try and try again but don't feel pressured to have the "O", it'll just complicate things, instead enjoy the sex you and hubby have, think about pleasing him and it will cum..come lol.
Mouse


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If the nerves on the outside are damaged (have you talked to your doctor?), have you tried g-spot stimulation?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

theres got to be a way, gotta


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

That really must be difficult to endure.

A few questions if you don't mind.

I have read that some women never really learned how to orgasm because they don't masterbate.

I know you indicated you tried to get yourself there but it didn't work.when you tried masterbating how long did you try before you gave up,were you horney, did you get wet, did you fantasize about something that you think is sexy/hot to get yourself in the mood

When I was a young teenager I would wake up every morn with a really hard penis and would gring it into the bed and think about all the pretty girls at school and would orgasm easily. when i got married I couldn't masterbate that way anymore because I didn't want my wife to see the leftovers so to speak.
I tried to use my hand in the shower but was unable to get there it took a lot of fantasy before I could sucessfully masterbate that way.

maybe you just need more pratice I know I just keep trying and then it just clicked and I never looked back now I can rub one out in record time.


as far as letting him do oral on you. I would be very disapointed if my wife wouldn't let me. dose it feel good when he dose it or do you not feel anything.maybe feeling bad about your body has a role in your not being able to orgasm.

you could also try a viberator maybe if you did have nerve dammage a vib would do the trick.

ps I don't think hitting your clit when you were 13 could have done nerve dammage.do you feel anything at all in your clit?

the clit is like a penis it can get hard/erect if stimulated propperly and then it get much more sensitive try exciting your clit until your really aroused


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## PrettyHippie (Nov 20, 2010)

Thanks for the replies! Well a general answer to all is "Yes, I've tried that." I swear I have spent more money on toys and trust me, I knew how to use them! Nothing. G-spot stimulation is alright for me, but it's by no means what will get me there. In response to me being potentially worried about my body image, I'm not. I'm very lucky to have a hubby who makes me feel wonderful about my body even after two children! I in turn feel quite good about my body, too. I really don't think this comes down to "You just need to try harder." Sensation is basically gone for me in that very special area. 

"ps I don't think hitting your clit when you were 13 could have done nerve dammage.do you feel anything at all in your clit?"

You wanna bet?! I really wish you were right but I'm not sure if you are understanding the amount of force that was involved when I got hurt. It was horrible. Then though I didn't even really know what a clit was and I SURELY was not about to say anything. I just thought I would heal up and go on my merry way, which is exactly what happened. The medical websites I've consulted about libido issues in women mentioned that any physical trauma to that area can cause orgasm problems because the nerves become damaged. It was like, a lightbulb went off and I had my answer. If you're skeptical about this, please, by all means look it up. For you guys, imagine having your penis nerves majorly damaged to the point you couldn't become nearly as aroused anymore. Like, to the point you could no longer climax. Now, imagine how upset and frustrated you would be because you couldn't enjoy sex like you wanted to. Yeah...crappy. Yes, my situation is random and not something you hear very often if ever. It's not everyday you hear "Yeah, I basically ruined my clit when I was 13 in a horseback related insident." I've only really had this answer for a couple months now so I haven't mentioned it to a doctor. I don't actually have a gyno. We use a midwife to have our kids at home and our family doctor does my annual female care. I don't know...I would feel REALLY freaking weird to start seeing a gyno for the sole reason that this is going on especially when I know nerve damage is near impossible to just fix. Plus, then it would lead to all the badgering about our choice to have our kids at home and all that jazz that I just don't feel like fighting about with a stranger. 

"as far as letting him do oral on you. I would be very disapointed if my wife wouldn't let me. dose it feel good when he dose it or do you not feel anything.maybe feeling bad about your body has a role in your not being able to orgasm."

To answer this the best thing I can think of to compare it to would be like the way it feels if you lick your wrist. Yeah, it's a bit sensitive but it's not anything to write home about. And it's not like DH is bad at what he does down there. He's really quite good! It's just me. He is disappointed that it doesn't do anything for me. His ultimate pleasure is a result of my ultimate pleasure. I don't know how to fix that though. Talk about feeling like you're letting the one you love down. I feel so bad! He wants to do it because he wants me to enjoy it and as a result he really enjoys it. Trust me, I get this point. At the same time, like I said before, because it doesn't feel like anything special due to the lack of sensation, it just becomes akward. I guess I should just make peace with this. I don't know what other choice I have. I should be grateful that we still manage to have really good sex that we both enjoy. I guess I'll never really miss what I never had in the first place. Again, thanks for reading and the input. It's helpful to read your ideas so I can at least mill over them in my head. In the end my hubby is quite supportive and accepting of all this. He doesn't make me feel bad or that I'm less than 100%. I'm quite lucky in the long run. I just can't help but wonder about what I'm missing!


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## Jadegreen (Apr 4, 2011)

well, pretty hippie - equestrian injuries are actually quite serious. And if this description of injury fits, then how could we dispute that? I don't think you should feel embarassed about seeing a gyno, but you also might want to find a women's organization. I think you need more than a gyno- you need someone who specializes in female trauma. Think of women who have had their clits removed in Africa - there have got to be specialists in this. At the same time, thousands of women have had accidents - my neighbors daughter was balancing on a stone fence and fell (ouch, oh my god, poor girl) and I fell more than once on a bicycle (ooooh, ow!) and this happens a lot. 

however, I have some questions like Chillymorn and a comment about oral.

first, lots of women hate oral. I would not take that as your starting place to decide if you are orgasmic or not. I find it hard - my mind turns off and then my body turns off, especially because I'm a bit hard to bring off that way, so I get worried... ah, worry is the kiss of death for excitement.

but 2nd, as Chillymorn asks, can you break it down? do you get lubrication? do you get any general swelling? These would both mean that some touch message was triggering some touch response.

there are two sets of nerve controls in the body - surface, or skin nerves, and deep, muscular nerves. A person with a back injury, like me, can have both kinds of problems. I am numb on the surface of the skin (on my foot) but I also have trouble with control of the deep muscle tissue, which means I trip sometimes. The thing to ask about this sensitive area - an orgasm is a contraction (deep muscle tissue), whereas the clit stimulation is a surface (skin) stimulation. I don't know how one triggers the other, but if you had a failure of one or the other, you might not have a total failure. You should be able to get an orgasm even if your clit does not feel. It seems, from the stories of assaults, that even women in comas can orgasm. I also think I have read that women who are para and quadrapelegics can orgasm, even though they cannot feel at all. So, then I ask - if your horse injury caused a back injury, maybe you are not feeling an orgasm but you are having one? Perhaps you need to see a neurologist who specializes in back injury, not a gynecologist.

And, you say you have desire, so that means the hormones are working to some extent, so that is a good thing. 

I've gone to the technical side here, but good luck, and until this gets figured out, have fun.


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## Jadegreen (Apr 4, 2011)

one more thought - for clarification. there are two nervous system responses too - autonomic and parasympathetic. I won't go into the details here, but one system controls your basic rhythms (sleeping, hunger, etc.) and the other responds hormonally (sweating when you're nervous, for example, or shivering when you are afraid). That is a huge simplification, but the orgasmic response strikes me as one, not the other. you might want to read up, or find a neuro-psych student to see if I am right. The more I think of it, the more I am doubtful that a contact injury would smash your nerves so badly that they would be forever damaged. Hold an ice cube to the areas you are worried about and see if you can feel ice cold and hot heat. This would tell you if you have problems with surface sensation. Then try controlling yourself as you pee (doing a kegel while you pee). If you can control the flow or get an attempt going, then I think you would have muscle control (deep tissue). the next question is whether that information is getting to your brain, or stimulating hormonal respones (parasympathetic). 

If there is problems with the clitoral tissue, remember it is like a deep forked tongue - the root is behind your pubic bone inside the entrance of your vagina (at about the G-spot). The tips of the forks start there and then the tissue goes around both sides of your urethra (pee opening) following along under your labia minora. The fork meets up as the point of your clit and becomes visible there. You would have had to damage the whole thing, right into your vagina in order to wreck it. Squirting, which is so discussed everywhere, happens from stimulating the middle of the forks. 

Think of getting a hematoma (a huge deep, deep bruise that swells and does not go down - like an inch high such as you get from a car accident - and the size of a dinner plate). Even with such bad muscle bruising, you seldom get nerve damage. However, a back injury might give you some problems and certainly a deep vertical jolt could give you back injury. 

good luck - I'm just an amateur, so check these ideas out.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

maybe a clit pump would help.


regards


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## Jadegreen (Apr 4, 2011)

that thing sounds fun anyways. couldn't hurt :ezpi_wink1:


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Well, I'd think you should pursue whatever options you can to get a diagnosis and any possible treatment. After all, there's a reason why some people went to medical school for years, you know?  Self-diagnosis from stuff you read on the Internet is not always a good thing.

How much research have you done on g-spot stimulation? I wish I could find the video that turned the light on for me... My current partner wanted to explore that (squirting, actually, and my apologies if this gets to be TMI). We tried a few things, a few times. Then I saw this video which made it clear to me. And while it might take me 10 or 20 minutes to give her an clitoral orgasm, I'd be surprised if it takes me more than 2 minutes if I stimulate her g-spot. Obviously every woman is different, though...

There's also an a-spot, and googling for "a-spot stimulation" turns up a fair amount of information. It's even deeper than the g-spot, so maybe that's a good thing in your case. 

I guess what I'm trying to get at is that you shouldn't be self-conscious about trying to get some professional help. There might very well be an option out there, and you and your husband both deserve to find a way, if possible. Even if you can get a professional to diagnose what's been damaged, it might give you some ideas about options that might work better. Or seeking out a sex therapist, even.

C


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## BetrayedLove (Apr 29, 2011)

I didn't read all of the responses so hopefully, I am not repeating what was said, but I was non orgasmic until I met my husband. He found out what works for me, it may help you. 

He plays with one of my breats and suck the other one AND gives me both internal and external vaginal stimulation with his penis all at the same time. Sounds like quite a feat, but somehow he stumbled upon that combination and it works every time. I think it helps that he loves breasts and can spend as long as I need playing with them. 

So while this may not be your combination of stimulation, I gurantee you that multiple stimulants at one time that feel good to you, will work. If he just sucks one breast and doesn't play with the other, no orgasm. It def has to be the right combo for me. 

Hope this helps, glad this is anononymous lol


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

A nerve damage expert and a gyn need to get together and assess your possible injuries.

I have a feeling that things can get sorted out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

I would recommend a licensed acupuncturist. Seriously. Someone who's familiar with this particular problem. There is some clinical evidence that traditional Chinese acupuncture can aid in female failure to climax. At the worst it can't hurt and has zero harmful side effects. 

I see an acupuncturist for chronic spinal and neck pain as well as for my sundry brain chemistry issues.


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## Jadegreen (Apr 4, 2011)

I found a site that has great anatomy pictures (some cut aways of cadavers, as well, be warned). Female Sexual and Reproductive Anatomy 

I think this shows how the nerves flow toward the genitals.


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## PrettyHippie (Nov 20, 2010)

Man, thanks everyone! I feel like I have a mission now! So just because I could I decided to conduct a little test with an ice cube. The good news is there is a degree of sensation. YAY!!! The bad news is it is a muted sensation. So it does seem like there is some nerve issue but at least there is some sensation. I am really toying with the idea of seeing an acupuncturist. I had thought about it the other day but I have no idea how to find one who works with this "condition." I don't even know what the "condition" would be called to tell the truth. Oh and don't worry about cadaver photos...I had to see them in person while I was doing my anatomy classes in college. Thanks again!


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## notaname (Feb 4, 2011)

Jadegreen said:


> I found a site that has great anatomy pictures (some cut aways of cadavers, as well, be warned). Female Sexual and Reproductive Anatomy
> 
> I think this shows how the nerves flow toward the genitals.


Can I just say thanks for posting this!


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## mary35 (Jul 18, 2010)

Prettyhippie,

I have a problem with clitoral desensitization because of menopausal issues. Here are few ideas I have tried that maybe you can look into.

1. Have your hormones levels checked. Google a doctor who prescribes bio-identical hormones. Most medical doctors will not check your levels but these doctors will. Hormones make a huge difference on your ability to reach orgasms, especially testosterone.
I recently had to go off my hormones for a medical reason, and I could not reach an orgasm for the life of me. When I went back on them, the orgasms worked again.

2. A Woman’s Touch -
Try this vaginal massage technique, use the vibrator all over the outside, not just on the inside. Don't try to have an orgasm, just concentrate on the feelings. See what kind of sensations you can feel.

3. Try a Hitachi magic wand to push yourself over the edge after you are well aroused. I have to put a very soft blanket between the wand and myself as it is very powerful and I use it on the lowest setting. I also have to make sure I keep myself very lubricated and not use it very long and keep it moving around as it can numb me quickly. However, the power in this wand reaches beyond the desensitized clitoris and reaches the underlying nerves and often will bring me to an orgasm when nothing else works.

Keep trying new ideas and hopefully you will find something that works.


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## helium73b (Apr 3, 2012)

I've heard that people will have an erogenous zone somewhere on their body no matter what. For instance this person who had no feeling from the waist down said that his was in his wrists. So maybe you have an erogenous zone somewhere else. There must be some part of your body that you like touched. A lot of women find their neck to be an erogenous zone.


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## crossbar (Aug 25, 2011)

Have you seen your gynecologist aout this? Perphaps you can get a consultation to a Neurologist.


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