# She wants to separate - doesn't know how she feels anymore



## neonebula2011 (Jan 15, 2011)

My wife and I have been married 6 years today. She is up at her dad right now for the weekend and I have the kids. I have a 14 year old step-daughter (who I might add hates me) and a 3 year old. We saw a marriage counselor on and off for 2 years and most of the time in those session things focused on my inability to "follow up" on things. These things are task like putting away the last load of laundry after I just did four while she was at work so she would not have to do it on her weekend off. Delaying oil changes because taking a toddler to wait at a dealer for 2 hours is a nightmare (she insist maintenance be done at the dealership). It basically means I don't jump fast enough when she says move.

We rarely spoke about her curt tone or over bluntness. I am a sensitive person who does better with a milder approach. I told her that over and over as well as the therapist. Yelling and demeaning me does not get the desired result and it makes me withdrawal - which they also said I was wrong for. 

Enter my step-daughter who is a mini-me of her mother. You guessed it same treatment and she is trying to tell me how to raise and discipline my own child because she is jealous as a snake. If I snap at her I am wrong. She has told her mother that if we stay married she does not know if she can continue living with us. The child has a father who was never consistent and an alcoholic so I was always the one to help with homework, science fairs, taxi driver, etc. Now I get dumped on with all her anger towards him because they are like peas in a pod at this time.

I found out she was looking for an alternative place to live by accident too. On New Years Eve while she was out with the girls she left her face book open and I saw the messages between her and her friend who is a realtor. She was looking at a duplex the day after Christmas. I was beside myself because she bought me a very nice personalized stethoscope for Christmas - a gift that required a lot of thought and in my mind love.

I told her if anyone moves it will be me because I will go mad in this house with all the empty space and the memories that are all around me. I plan on getting a small loft. I also don't want my children up-rooted from the home they know. I told her I will still pay the mortgage and we can leave the finances as they are for now. I have a second part time private duty case that will cover my rent at my new place. Since I dont eat much anymore groceries are not a concern. Right now I am wrapping up my life here - selling all the things I cant take with me just in case the worst happens. Dealing with a depressive crisis and have had to see a psychiatrist for depression for over two years when this whole thing began. I can tell everyone here this - There is no pill to cure a broken heart that aches for it's other half.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Make sure that you get her to agree to a legal separation, IN WRITING, first! She might be vindictive enough, or her D may give her the idea, that she can tell a divorce lawyer (if it comes to that) that you abandoned them.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Find out who she's seeing and expose the affair.


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## troy (Jan 30, 2011)

Are you sure memories are the real reason why you prefer to leave? The reason I ask is I am in a similar situation.

My wife wants to end our marriage and at first I volunteered to to be the one to leave to be sensitive to her emotional needs. However, now that things have soured a bit more, and I am paying more attention to MY needs above hers, I had a change of heart.

I decided to stay. Since she is the one who wants to breakup the family, she should be the one to leave. I will stay with my 2 kids in my house and be happy.

She is an independant career woman so she can leave and have the freedom to do as she pleases without having to worry about a husband and children!

Sorry, I felt like venting a bit...


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