# Pornography no longer doing it for me after finding out about wife's affairs



## Happiest by the water (Dec 12, 2012)

Just found out that my wife of almost 30 years had a six month affair (which just ended) and a one night stand several years ago. We are separated because she wants to end the marriage (I actually want to try to reconcile).

In the meanwhile, I'm trying to take care of my own needs while living alone. The problem is where pornography used to work to help "alleviate the stress", I now watch porn and all I see are images of my wife screwing some other guy (and doing things with him that she didn't do with me).

I'm dying not being able to be with her (she's moved out) and not being able to take care of myself. I know this sounds weird but porn has always helped. Now it's just a constant reminder of her infidelity.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Well personally if my wife stepped out on me now I would find it rather easy to move on - and I would just harden up and find myself a few FWBs. No escaping the pain eventually though, but you can 'space' it out for a while if it's getting too overwhelming. Porn doesn't work forever, I learnt this, intimacy is needed, human touch. We're social creatures.

I went through alot of flak for flirting and getting a woman's number HOURS before my wife even moved out. But quite frankly, I needed that lest I went bonkers. I didn't go through with it however, despite the lady in question insisting that it doesn't have to be serious (casual sex) after I dropped the bomb on her that I'm just freshly seperated. However it wasn't fair for my wife.

BUT, for you, it's a different story.
She cheated bro, she doesn't deserve the satisfaction of seeing you miserable


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## Happiest by the water (Dec 12, 2012)

Thanks - that's helpful


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You're welcome, wish you the best. Remember, keep your chin up, or at least keep trying


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Sucks. Quit the p*rn for a while. I know it's not exactly a substitute, but fill your time time with other things. Are you taking care of yourself during this tough time? Hit the gym, go meet up with some buddies, pick up some hobbies/interests. If you sit around being miserable, and looking at p*rn, it's only going to make things worse.


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## Happiest by the water (Dec 12, 2012)

I do work out (and should do it more but really don't love it). All of my friends are married (they are supportive but at the end of the day - they go home to their wives). At my age (53) hard to find new hobbies (and my hobbies are summer not winter). Good advice - I really appreciate the help.


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## Ostera (Nov 1, 2012)

Happiest by the water said:


> I do work out (and should do it more but really don't love it). All of my friends are married (they are supportive but at the end of the day - they go home to their wives). At my age (53) hard to find new hobbies (and my hobbies are summer not winter). Good advice - I really appreciate the help.


I'm 50 and am my stbxs left me in September. We were only married 2 yrs. Lived together for 1 and have known each other for 7.

She cheated on me every couple months throughout I come to find out... then in counseling came to find out she has 'cheated' or had affairs on every man she has ever been with. 

It sucks when you love someone and find that you have been betrayed. I am trying to believe I am fortunate that our relationship is ending so quickly.

I can't imagine the pain you must feel I know you will get over this eventually. I am still having a hard time due to she isn't filing until January ( I refused to pay). When I get served I am sure the wound will open again.. 

We will make it brother.


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