# Male brain



## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> Don't imagine that your man thinks like you. Men's brains are wired differently and that's a scientific fact. Good men are natural protectors and will take action when it matters. Ever heard of the strong silent type? Your man will most likely talk about something when he thinks its important.


As a woman I always wondered how men see the world / life / their freinds / women / family.

The questions is a little bit unspecific and I know you are all individuals. Would you still be able to point out differences for me?


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Enginerd mentions protector-feelings, this is only true to an extent. The thing under protection has to 'belong' to us.

This is where White Knight syndrome comes from: yes, I'll help you, but now you're my dependent !

Someone else's kids for example, aren't likely to make me want to get protective. Unless they psychologically 'belonged' to me, as children in my classroom, or they were _my _cousins or nephews, or at the outside, my neighbours' (the ones whom I like) kids.

I wouldn't want to take on someone else's teenaged children. This is where thinking that being a single mum will lead to happiness trips up. Far fewer men are going to want someone else's kids, unless they already have their own, and they are 'merging' a family. 

And between a teenager and an adult male, there's always the potential for conflict.

A nature programme about silverback gorillas, this is pretty much how I feel.

So you could say 'well, what about the policeman (e.g.) - he feels protective to complete strangers! But he doesn't. He has people he prefers and people he'd probably not give a fig about. He's interested in protecting to the extent that he has the feeling that his _whole community _belongs to him. So it's still about 'mine' versus 'outsiders'. A policeman who hates a particular section of the community could even be pretty unfair to them, and take the side of people who he knows are doing wrong, so long as they were 'his' people.

Most men could watch an advert for drought in Ethiopia and feel very little. But if they showed a famine in some country where people looked like his own family, he'd pick up the phone and donate and volunteer for sure. That's just how I see it.

I would be interested to find out other men's inner world, maybe they feel differently 

Good topic!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

LOL Tried to have this conversation w/my husband a while back.The response I got was "I have no idea how my brain is different from yours.If I'm ever unhappy,I'll tell you.If I ever need something,I'll tell you.If I feel the need to protect us,I'll do it. Otherwise my inner monologue is on repeat about how great life is and how I can't wait to spend time with you."

I can live w/that for an explanation.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

If you want the hard research, google this: "brain and behavioral differences between men and women". You'll get a LOT of information about the very real differences in their brains and ways of thinking.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> As a woman I always wondered how men see the world / life / their freinds / women / family.
> 
> The questions is a little bit unspecific and I know you are all individuals. Would you still be able to point out differences for me?



Here is one difference I've noticed: If you go to an automobile show, 90% of those in attendance will as like as not, be male. Ditto for an air show. 

What's the attraction in looking at hundreds and hundreds of exotic, expensive, high maintenance vehicles that the average man can't afford, will never own and (usually) is not even allowed to touch? Men seem to be enchanted with the *idea* of things at a basic level, perhaps more so than the actual things themselves.

I see this same basic dynamic play out between my wife and myself. For example, she'll say,

"What don't you watch this movie with me? That actress you like is in it."

I'll say,

"Who? What? I don't know any actresses"

For my wife, thinking someone is attractive is virtually synonymous with "liking" them. Once in a great while, she'll be smitten with a male actor, and want to know more about him. For her, 'Like' is an appropriate word.

I think virtually all actresses are attractive in one way or another, but don't really care or want to know about their personal lives at all. For all I know, they might be perfectly horrid in real life.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

It sounds cliché but my mind is on a constant loop about 3 or 4 things.

I am not that complicated so I'm sure you can figure out what they are.

Hint: One of them is food.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Male brain?

I try to use mine as little as possible, it has this nasty habit of getting me into trouble.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

sinnister said:


> It sounds cliché but my mind is on a constant loop about 3 or 4 things.
> 
> I am not that complicated so I'm sure you can figure out what they are.
> 
> Hint: One of them is food.


Okay... wild ass guess / stereotype. Beware of the cliche.

* Sex
* Food like you already mentioned
* Cars
* number four is difficult... jets... or soccer... or rugby... or going camping... or skydiving... or wanting to get drunk... or your buddies... or your best friend... or wanting to have an adventure of whatever kind... or your band and your wish to be a rockstar. That's the chliched answers I can think of.

Did I guess one or several of the things you think of?

Edit: Oh, wait. It's American football.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Ocotillo - much to think about in your post. Thanks!

Don't you find that men also get a buzz from understanding the way things 'work', how they are 'put together', including say, chemistry? In how society works - hence sociology too. 

But... why can I be interested in the way an engine or a watch is put together, but women aren't - what IS that?

Or rather, what's the woman's equivalent of this fascination?

Perhaps IMT can tell me what might cause this 'buzz' feeling of interest and exploration for women.

In response to Sinnister, I don't think about sex much, unless it's likely. I reckon women think about it more than us.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> Perhaps IMT can tell me what might cause this 'buzz' feeling of interest and exploration for women.


I am not speaking for every women here.

People. Especially people I like - including hubby, I wan't to know what makes them tick. I am not sure if I am good at that... but I am interested.

When I understand "Oh, that is why he or she did that" it gives me a buzz. When I don't and I don't for a prolonged time it makes me miserable.

BTW: I like sociology. That is not only males who do.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> I am not speaking for every women here.
> 
> People. Especially people I like - including hubby, I wan't to know what makes them tick. I am not sure if I am good at that... but I am interested.
> 
> ...


This is the sort of thing I was asking for, thanks!

Are there any other situations where gaining insight gives you the 'buzz'?

Please expand on your first answer too - situational examples help me to absorb concepts better.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> This is the sort of thing I was asking for, thanks!
> 
> Are there any other situations where gaining insight gives you the 'buzz'?
> 
> Please expand on your first answer too - situational examples help me to absorb concepts better.


Most good examples unfortunatly are very personal. I look at people I like and try to understand why they do the things they do - when I finally understand "That is why he is doing that!" it gives me a buzz

* I like to talk to people from other countries, especially those very different from mine, to find out what life is like for them, how the see the world and so on

* I really enjoy things like finding out what people like and giving them presents which hopefully will make them happy

* I am interested in "the male brain"  which will hopefully result in me getting better knowledge of you guys

Learning things which are useful for my life always give me a buzz. It is not restricted to the field but to their usefulness.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Sandfly said:


> Most men could watch an advert for drought in Ethiopia and feel very little. But if they showed a famine in some country where people looked like his own family, he'd pick up the phone and donate and volunteer for sure. That's just how I see it.
> 
> Good topic!


!!! Most men! Really? I'm equally disturbed by images of starving children regardless of color. Tortured and abandoned animals get me too. Innocents are innocents the world over. 

I think some people approach men as almost a different species than women. Thats a big mistake. Yes, there are a few areas where the sexes differ, but they mostly think alike. And the individual you are with may be atypical anyway. 

The best strategy is to communicate rather than making assumptions. Assumptions can go wrong in a couple of ways. The first is that "everyone sees the world the way I do." The second is "All men/women see the world in this particular way."


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

VermisciousKnid said:


> !!! Most men! Really? I'm equally disturbed by images of starving children regardless of color. Tortured and abandoned animals get me too. Innocents are innocents the world over.
> 
> I think some people approach men as almost a different species than women. Thats a big mistake. Yes, there are a few areas where the sexes differ, but they mostly think alike. And the individual you are with may be atypical anyway.
> 
> The best strategy is to communicate rather than making assumptions. Assumptions can go wrong in a couple of ways. The first is that "everyone sees the world the way I do." The second is "All men/women see the world in this particular way."


Well, the world is the way it is because most people say they care, but their behaviour tells a different story.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Sandfly said:


> Don't you find that men also get a buzz from understanding the way things 'work', how they are 'put together', including say, chemistry? In how society works - hence sociology too.


I think it's the exact same phenomenon. When I say, "the idea of things at a basic level", I'm not talking about the simple and superficial. I'm talking about the fundamental and foundational.

If, for example, you understand exactly what a master cylinder is and what it does, you could probably walk up to 100 entirely different vehicles and identify the master cylinder on each of them even though it may very well look different from vehicle to vehicle and be located in a slightly different spot in each vehicle. 

I would be willing to bet that the majority of men interested enough in cars to go to a car show could do this. Easily in fact.

I'm not saying this way of looking at the world is better. It's just different.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Sandfly said:


> Well, the world is the way it is because most people say they care, but their behaviour tells a different story.


Because "caring" alone is not enough. There must be some kind of "strategy". I cannot exactly say what it should be like. Smarter people have thought of that and failed...

To my mind the reason why the world is such a bad place sometimes is not that there are no good people or that nobody cares but that a caring emothion alone won't save the day.

I used to donate my used clothes so the poor could be cled. Then I learned that this destroys the markets in Africa, the tailors do not know how to feed their families any more. The result of my compassion is not less poverty but more.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

ocotillo said:


> I think it's the exact same phenomenon. When I say, "the idea of things at a basic level", I'm not talking about the simple and superficial. I'm talking about the fundamental and foundational.
> 
> If, for example, you understand exactly what a master cylinder is and what it does, you could probably walk up to 100 entirely different vehicles and identify the master cylinder on each of them even though it may very well look different from vehicle to vehicle and be located in a slightly different spot in each vehicle.
> 
> ...


In another thread you said something about the word "pornography" which in it's basic make-up means "writings of a prostitute".

Etymology is another of those fields of 'how it is constructed', and then 'how it has evolved in this instance'.

I too have an interest in etymology, particularly in Slavic languages, because of their relatively unchanged root words, which "reveal" how the proto-Europeans thought and saw the world. For example, in many languages the words for 'morning' and tomorrow are the same root. In fact 'to-morrow' means "in the morning". In Russian morning is "utro" and in Polish, "jutro" means tomorrow. In Spanish we have La mańana, and El mańana - same word, different gender -but the first one is morning, and the second is tomorrow, or figuratively speaking "the future".

So for me, when I speak another language, I learn about my ancestors and how they think. To them "tomorrow" started when the sun comes up, and not "at midnight".

But... so far, I've only found that men - and very few of them - are interested in the secret meanings of words. So I 'liked' your comment on pornography - because now I understand how this concept came about, and I am clearer about what exactly constitutes pornography.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> Because "caring" alone is not enough. There must be some kind of "strategy". I cannot exactly say what it should be like. Smarter people have thought of that and failed...
> 
> To my mind the reason why the world is such a bad place sometimes is not that there are no good people or that nobody cares but that a caring emothion alone won't save the day.
> 
> I used to donate my used clothes so the poor could be cled. Then I learned that this destroys the markets in Africa, the tailors do not know how to feed their families any more. The result of my compassion is not less poverty but more.


Good answer.

But... bad people seem to have no trouble coming up with strategies to do wrong and extract what they want from the world. If the majority are truly good, are the evil minority therefore more intelligent and capable than good people?


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Sandfly said:


> Good answer.
> 
> But... bad people seem to have no trouble coming up with strategies to do wrong and extract what they want from the world. Are they perhaps more intelligent than good people?


You answered your question. It is easier for a person without morals to TAKE than it is to GIVE to unidentified people in an unidentified region who don't have the means to get things done. It has nothing to do with intelligence. It's a logistical problem and a moral problem.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

Sandfly said:


> But... so far, I've only found that men - and very few of them - are interested in the secret meanings of words.


Maybe that's a liability though? That women (On average) do better than men in language acquisition and studies is documented pretty well.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

ocotillo said:


> Maybe that's a liability though? That women (On average) do better than men in language acquisition and studies is documented pretty well.


I've heard it, but never seen it. Same with multi-tasking.

When I taught English, I found no difference. The only student who failed her exams in my time was a she.

I found a difference in motivation to learn languages - but this is not the same as capability. Girls were better behaved and easier to motivate. Lads would respond best when it was practical things, like to do with computers or sports, or films and music. Or games, especially games. They could remember anything if it was part of a competition. Different 'hooks' which your average teacher, who is obsessed with cultural comparisons and touristy-stuff doesn't offer them.

When I was learning French, I was the only lad in the class, but I was the best. I was also the only one with a proper French accent.

When I speak Spanish, I overheard people telling others that I am from south America; when I speak er... language X shall we say (mustn't say too much!) people thought I was from Slovakia where they prefer more archaic words and constructions. But really I was avoiding Latinisms wherever possible. 

I guess, if I learnt Greek, it would have an effect... yes you're right - but it wouldn't be that I don't understand the modern version, I would just tend to avoid imported words, which might make me sound archaic or eccentric


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Sandfly said:


> Maybe! But IMT just said that 'giving' was exacerbating the problem.


For giving to make sense there has to be a need and a way to deliver what is needed to the right people. 

I recall seeing a story about African villages suffering food shortages because of primitive agricultural methods. The first attempt to help involved sending water pumps to improve the irrigation systems. That failed because they couldn't get parts for the pumps when they failed. The second attempt involved having them grow a drought resistant crop. That failed because they didn't want to give up foods that were the staple of their diet. It would be like telling Asians, "From now on, no more rice!" The final attempt which was successful was the introduction of some kind of low tech pumping mechanism that was repairable and affordable. 

So they lacked food, but their actual need wasn't apparent at first glance. 



> I'm just seeing what I am seeing. A minority of doctors, for example, go abroad and help people in the third world.
> 
> But when it comes to where exactly do they go, there is often a connection - for example - lots of doctors who go to Syria, the ones who have been kidnapped/killed - I see their photos on the news and they are mostly muslims and Pakistanis - connection.
> 
> ...


Sure. you might as well go to the place that you feel some connection to. It's better than not going at all, I suppose. Unless it just isn't safe. 

I think many people are understandably skeptical about relief efforts and safety issues when traveling to third world countries. There have been many reports of supplies being stolen by the local governments before reaching the intended recipients. Also some instances of relief workers being kidnapped.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

ocotillo said:


> Maybe that's a liability though? That women (On average) do better than men in language acquisition and studies is documented pretty well.


Interesting. Universities with linguistics departments often have courses in morphology, phonology, and etymology. My impression is that women equal men in number in that type of language study, but I wonder if that is actually true?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

I'll make tea said:


> Okay... wild ass guess / stereotype. Beware of the cliche.
> 
> * Sex
> * Food like you already mentioned
> ...


You got them all except the cars!

Change that to my kids and you win.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

WyshIknew said:


> *Male brain?*
> 
> *I try to use mine as little as possible,* it has this nasty habit of getting me into trouble.


My husband would say this, kinda drives me a little batty, I am more the thinker between us..

He's never really been into Cars... he built his own Truck once though...he was very proud of that.....not into sports either... or hanging with the guys / drinking/ not his scene... He's more of a ... I love sex... I love family.. my kids... our life... and one of his hobbies is coin collecting...he's pretty tame. 

He's great at math and was never good in English..and I am the complete opposite.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

The main real difference is how evolution has conditioned us to use our brains, and this tends to affect our thinking and behaviour. However, due to the plasticity of the brain it is capable of adapting due to learning and experience and, with it, our way of thinking and behaviour.

When it comes to problem solving, men tend to use the left (non-verbal / analytical) side of their brains more, whereas women use both sides, but tend more to the right side (verbal / creative / emotional). There's a reason for this, and it's because, in the distant past, women had to liaise and cooperate more with one another in order to collect food, rear their young and survive. Men, on the other hand, needed to be more focused on the task of hunting which, whilst requiring a degree of cooperation with other men, didn't require the same level of information sharing and cooperation that was necessary between women, and was more competitive in nature.

http://www.columbiaconsult.com/pubs/v52_fall07.html


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Brain? .......what is this brain you speak of????


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Interesting. Universities with linguistics departments often have courses in morphology, phonology, and etymology. My impression is that women equal men in number in that type of language study, but I wonder if that is actually true?


This facet of the question was actually discussed in the Linguist mailing list years ago. At the graduate level, men and women are roughly equal. At the undergraduate level, women outnumbered men by 2-3 to 1. 

I don't think the Professors on the list ever reached a consensus as to why.


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

The best way I heard the difference described is this (although not a direct quote, the idea is found in the book Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage):

A man's brain is full of little boxes. There is a box for work, one for the kids, one for sex, one for finances, etc. When a man discusses something he pulls out that box and only that box. When he is finished, he puts that box back being careful not to let it touch any other boxes.

A woman's brain is totally connected. The kids are connected to work is connected to finances is connected to sex is connected to the kids, etc. Her brain is fueled by emotion. That is why, often, when something is wrong in one area it affects every other area. That is also why, to a man, she can totally change subjects at the drop of a hat.

For me , we can have something wrong in one area and have no problem wanting sex.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> Because "caring" alone is not enough. There must be some kind of "strategy". I cannot exactly say what it should be like. Smarter people have thought of that and failed...
> 
> To my mind the reason why the world is such a bad place sometimes is not that there are no good people or that nobody cares but that a caring emothion alone won't save the day.
> 
> I used to donate my used clothes so the poor could be cled. Then I learned that this destroys the markets in Africa, the tailors do not know how to feed their families any more. The result of my compassion is not less poverty but more.


I make a regular donation to an organisation called Every Child, and when I retire I would like to volunteer for some type of rescue organisation.

http://www.everychild.org.uk/

I'm a sucker for anyone who is down and out, less so if they are the instrument of their own downfall.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> I make a regular donation to an organisation called Every Child, and when I retire I would like to volunteer for some type of rescue organisation.
> 
> Home | EveryChild
> 
> I'm a sucker for anyone who is down and out, less so if they are the instrument of their own downfall.


Could you tell me why you chose this organisation?


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

sinnister said:


> You got them all except the cars!
> 
> Change that to my kids and you win.


How comes you don't like cars?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> Could you tell me why you chose this organisation?


I was approached by one of their representatives, I looked at their literature and the website and liked what they are trying to do.
It's no secret on TAM that I absolutely adore kids (who doesn't). And when you read of young girls 11, 12 years old being sold into sexual slavery who wouldn't want to help?

Please, I don't want to make out that I some kind of selfless philanthropist, I only give a small amount but wysh I could give more.
I feel guilty when they phone and ask if I could increase my donation, I just can't at the moment.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> The main real difference is how evolution has conditioned us to use our brains, and this tends to affect our thinking and behaviour. However, due to the plasticity of the brain it is capable of adapting due to learning and experience and, with it, our way of thinking and behaviour.
> 
> When it comes to problem solving, men tend to use the left (non-verbal / analytical) side of their brains more, whereas women use both sides, but tend more to the right side (verbal / creative / emotional). There's a reason for this, and it's because, in the distant past, women had to liaise and cooperate more with one another in order to collect food, rear their young and survive. Men, on the other hand, needed to be more focused on the task of hunting which, whilst requiring a degree of cooperation with other men, didn't require the same level of information sharing and cooperation that was necessary between women, and was more competitive in nature.
> 
> Understanding Ourselves: Gender Differences in the Brain



An interesting article. 


*The same research indicates that men position their bodies in conversation differently than women, turning sideways or standing shoulder to shoulder in contrast to face-to-face. Women who desire that face-to-face connection can interpret this male body language as a demonstration of lack of interest and listening.*

I noticed that my husband does this. I did not notice it that much in other men but then I spend far more time with women than with men.

Yes, I used to iterpret this as lack of listening. Until I learned he actually listened.

When I am outside my husband will sometimes come out and stand shoulder to should with me, say something and look at the scenery... like he is searching for something... and he does not know what he is looking at / expecting to be there. I asked him.
Does any of you guys do that and knows what he is looking at?

*Men and women respond differently to fear signals coming from the amygdala. When the amygdala fires a fear signal, a "fight or flight" reaction is triggered. We have now learned, however, that women's response can be different from men's: women's hormones, based on the evolution of their brains, tell them the way to safety is to gather in a group. So their response can be "tend and befriend." Women can reduce stress and promote a feeling of safety by connecting. When I wrote Success on Our Own Terms in the late '90s, one senior executive female told me that when she is stressed she needs to get out of her office and talk to others, while she noticed that the men at her level who were stressed tended to withdraw into themselves.*

Another important different I still do not understand. When I leave my hubby alone when he is stressed I feel like I failed him. Yet I know that it must not feel like this to him because he often asks me to give hime some time alone in a situation like that... but I do not understand why. 
It's "painful" for me to leave him alone in a situation like that and I sometimes come up with excuses not to like "have you seen my X?", "want a drink?", "you must help me cut the vegetables". On a emotional level it is very difficult for me to understand he wants to be left alone.

Could you explain it to me?


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> When I am outside my husband will sometimes come out and stand shoulder to should with me, say something and look at the scenery... like he is searching for something... and he does not know what he is looking at / expecting to be there. I asked him.
> Does any of you guys do that and knows what he is looking at?


Don't know, maybe it is something that is hardwired into mens brains.

We are standing guard, watching for threats to the family?

I suppose I do that as well, never really thought of it.


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## Jakobi Greenleaf (Sep 19, 2012)

*Re: Re: Male brain*



I'll make tea said:


> Another important different I still do not understand. When I leave my hubby alone when he is stressed I feel like I failed him. Yet I know that it must not feel like this to him because he often asks me to give hime some time alone in a situation like that... but I do not understand why.
> It's "painful" for me to leave him alone in a situation like that and I sometimes come up with excuses not to like "have you seen my X?", "want a drink?", "you must help me cut the vegetables". On a emotional level it is very difficult for me to understand he wants to be left alone.
> 
> Could you explain it to me?


I speak only for myself here. Your husband may be completely different, I don't know. 

I want to be left alone because I need to understand things. I need to understand the problem. Once I understand it, I can formulate a plan of action. If something stresses me, maybe I can find way to avoid it? Also, it's very hard to explain my thought process if I don't understand what I'm trying to talk to you about. And if I don't understand the problem, how can I explain it to you so you can help me with it? I'm good to talk about it, but not until I understand it.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> Another important different I still do not understand. When I leave my hubby alone when he is stressed I feel like I failed him. Yet I know that it must not feel like this to him because he often asks me to give hime some time alone in a situation like that... but I do not understand why.
> It's "painful" for me to leave him alone in a situation like that and I sometimes come up with excuses not to like "have you seen my X?", "want a drink?", "you must help me cut the vegetables". On a emotional level it is very difficult for me to understand he wants to be left alone.
> 
> Could you explain it to me?


The ladies can correct me if I'm wrong here, but it seems to me that women often sort things out mentally via conversation. When my wife gets home from work, she wants to spend a solid 30 to 45 minutes discussing every personal interaction she experienced during the day right down to people's facial expressions. And I learned a long time ago that this was important for her emotional well being.

It doesn't work that way with me. Holding a conversation and mentally sorting things out at the same time is the equivalent of asking me to do two things simultaneously when each of them requires a fair amount of concentration by itself.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> Another important different I still do not understand. When I leave my hubby alone when he is stressed I feel like I failed him. Yet I know that it must not feel like this to him because he often asks me to give hime some time alone in a situation like that... but I do not understand why.
> It's "painful" for me to leave him alone in a situation like that and I sometimes come up with excuses not to like "have you seen my X?", "want a drink?", "you must help me cut the vegetables". On a emotional level it is very difficult for me to understand he wants to be left alone.
> 
> Could you explain it to me?


My take on it is this:-

Men are fixers and they like to get on with the job of fixing rather than dealing with their emotions - almost as though they don't want their judgment, even, by their own feelings.

Women are also fixers, of course, but tend to prefer to liaise and discuss things with others before reaching their own decision on how to tackle the problem.

My SO also tends to prefer 'time out' when he's working on a problem.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> The ladies can correct me if I'm wrong here, but it seems to me that women often sort things out mentally via conversation. When my wife gets home from work, she wants to spend a solid 30 to 45 minutes discussing every personal interaction she experienced during the day right down to people's facial expressions. And I learned a long time ago that this was important for her emotional well being.
> 
> It doesn't work that way with me. Holding a conversation and mentally sorting things out at the same time is the equivalent of asking me to do two things simultaneously when each of them requires a fair amount of concentration by itself.


I think this is spot on.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

There is a fundamental difference in how women and men perceive connection to others. My understanding is that women, by default, are wired to connect with other women. While men, by default, are not and need some "commonality" to form bonds. That's why sports, interest groups, etc are so key for male friendships. If I look at another guy and I have no common interest, there is no basis for a connection.

I'm probably not explaining it that well, but I think this is a major difference in wiring.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> My take on it is this:-
> 
> Men are fixers and they like to get on with the job of fixing rather than dealing with their emotions - almost as though they don't want their judgment, even, by their own feelings.


Interesting. How do you 'deal' with an emotion? Do you need to recognize it or bask in it? I acknowledge my emotions but I don't get wrapped up in my feelings about them. It's often counter-productive in my experience. 

I think women feel supported when they talk about these things but men often don't. We may feel weak or vulnerable. And lets face it, many women are turned off by emotional men. 



> Women are also fixers, of course, but tend to prefer to liaise and discuss things with others before reaching their own decision on how to tackle the problem.
> 
> My SO also tends to prefer 'time out' when he's working on a problem.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

"It's "painful" for me to leave him alone in a situation like that and I sometimes come up with excuses not to like "have you seen my X?", "want a drink?", "you must help me cut the vegetables". On a emotional level it is very difficult for me to understand he wants to be left alone."

We (men) compartmentalize. If he's in his "stress" room, he's not in his "relationship" room. If he's in his "work" room or in his "TV" room, he's not in his "talking to the wife" room. Our male ancestors were hunters. They couldn't hunt while thinking about their kids, wife, laundry, what's for dinner, etc, and still live to come home. They evolved to do one thing at a time. We can walk out of our "pissed off" room and straight into our "horny" room. Our female ancestors managed the clan. They had to divide their attention among several tasks, so they learned to multi-task well. Their survival and the survival of their kids was linked to their ability to compete with other women for male attention. They evolved to be very competitive with other women and to be much more relationship-aware.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

WyshIknew said:


> Don't know, maybe it is something that is hardwired into mens brains.
> 
> We are standing guard, watching for threats to the family?
> 
> I suppose I do that as well, never really thought of it.


Do you feel "watchful" on a typical day of your life? What are you watching out for?


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

I have a question for the men. Did the following ever happen to you?

1. You told yor wife / your friend / whomever you wanted to be alone for a time. That person left and you felt aaaaall alone and were mad at the person for not supporting you?

2. You told your wife / friend / whomever you wanted to be alone but only because you did not want to drag them down because you were sad. You hoped they would figure you really did not want to be alone


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> Do you feel "watchful" on a typical day of your life? What are you watching out for?


Well you may not even realise you are watching. It could be ingrained, subconscious. Rather like when you see meerkats or gophers in a zoo. Although there is no threat to them they still exhibit the same habits as an animal in the wild.

I don't know about men today but I was brought up fairly traditionally, and it was hammered home that I had to look after and look out for my sisters.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> I have a question for the men. Did the following ever happen to you?
> 
> 1. You told yor wife / your friend / whomever you wanted to be alone for a time. That person left and you felt aaaaall alone and were mad at the person for not supporting you?
> 
> 2. You told your wife / friend / whomever you wanted to be alone but only because you did not want to drag them down because you were sad. You hoped they would figure you really did not want to be alone


None of the above.

I say what I mean and I mean what I say.

Anything else is silly game playing.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I have a question for the men. Did the following ever happen to you?

1. You told yor wife / your friend / whomever you wanted to be alone for a time. That person left and you felt aaaaall alone and were mad at the person for not supporting you?

2. You told your wife / friend / whomever you wanted to be alone but only because you did not want to drag them down because you were sad. You hoped they would figure you really did not want to be alone


No, I'm a guy. The words I speak mean what they say. If I play games there's usually some sort of ball involved.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Do you think that this applies to all males?


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Did you as a male ever think "Oh, I am all alone and nobody understands me... and the only reason I do not talk to my wife is because she would not understand it anyway"?


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> We (men) compartmentalize. If he's in his "stress" room, he's not in his "relationship" room. If he's in his "work" room or in his "TV" room, he's not in his "talking to the wife" room. Our male ancestors were hunters. They couldn't hunt while thinking about their kids, wife, laundry, what's for dinner, etc, and still live to come home. They evolved to do one thing at a time. We can walk out of our "pissed off" room and straight into our "horny" room. Our female ancestors managed the clan. They had to divide their attention among several tasks, so they learned to multi-task well. Their survival and the survival of their kids was linked to their ability to compete with other women for male attention. They evolved to be very competitive with other women and to be much more relationship-aware.


It is by the way difficult to try to imagine thinking of just one thing at a time. I am not sure if I would be able do do that for a prolonged time.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> It is by the way difficult to try to imagine thinking of just one thing at a time. I am not sure if I would be able do do that for a prolonged time.


I think of multiple things at times and then push all but one to the background for a while as needed. I can't imagine cutting lumber on my table saw without using extreme focus. That would be maximum stupid and result in missing digits. But things like making dinner, changing a diaper, grocery shopping, or mowing the lawn allow for multiple thoughts to bounce around in my brain. 

Do you not have any activity that requires extreme focus?


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Interesting. How do you 'deal' with an emotion? Do you need to recognize it or bask in it? I acknowledge my emotions but I don't get wrapped up in my feelings about them. It's often counter-productive in my experience.


I guess it's how we _think_ about a problem? If we _think _about it logically, our _emotions_ are less likely to play a part in solving it.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

VermisciousKnid said:


> I think of multiple things at times and then push all but one to the background for a while as needed. I can't imagine cutting lumber on my table saw without using extreme focus. That would be maximum stupid and result in missing digits. But things like making dinner, changing a diaper, grocery shopping, or mowing the lawn allow for multiple thoughts to bounce around in my brain.
> 
> Do you not have any activity that requires extreme focus?


No, I cannot think of any. I was really into a hobby before I fell pregnant and I did quite well and I could not think / talk about something complicated... but I did definetly think of other things. I cannot stop my brain from thinking.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> Did you as a male ever think "Oh, I am all alone and nobody understands me... and the only reason I do not talk to my wife is because she would not understand it anyway"?


No, but as a youngster I did. I just couldn't seem to understand women or they couldn't understand me, they seemed like an alien race.

Later I realised that men and women are as much alike as we are different.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I'll make tea said:


> It is by the way difficult to try to imagine thinking of just one thing at a time. I am not sure if I would be able do do that for a prolonged time.


If you were a guy, it would be easy. Depending on your belief system, you were created or you have evolved to be exactly what you are. Our differences are important and if everyone stays in their lane, these differences combine to make pretty great unions. I need my wife to think like a woman because I can't.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> I have a question for the men. Did the following ever happen to you?
> 
> 1. You told yor wife / your friend / whomever you wanted to be alone for a time. That person left and you felt aaaaall alone and were mad at the person for not supporting you?
> 
> 2. You told your wife / friend / whomever you wanted to be alone but only because you did not want to drag them down because you were sad. You hoped they would figure you really did not want to be alone


How many times did I tell them I wanted to be alone? If it was more than once, then it's definitely all on me. If it was only once, but I said it in a definite way, then it's still on me. If it was only once, but said in an indecisive way, then maybe I'd feel a little let down but not that much. 

I just don't believe in mind-reading as a valid form of communication.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> For giving to make sense there has to be a need and a way to deliver what is needed to the right people.
> 
> I recall seeing a story about African villages suffering food shortages because of primitive agricultural methods. The first attempt to help involved sending water pumps to improve the irrigation systems. That failed because they couldn't get parts for the pumps when they failed. The second attempt involved having them grow a drought resistant crop. That failed because they didn't want to give up foods that were the staple of their diet. It would be like telling Asians, "From now on, no more rice!" The final attempt which was successful was the introduction of some kind of low tech pumping mechanism that was repairable and affordable.
> 
> ...


Even Bono has finally realized that simply giving food and resources to a suffering society won't solve the problem in the long term. The society must be taught to build and provide for themselves. The answer is in economic growth and personal responsibility so they can become self sustaining. History has proven over and over again that this type of movement must come from the people in the society. There's a point where aid just becomes enabling bad societal behavior just like enabling a drug addict. So tell me at what point do you think enough is enough?


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> Did you as a male ever think "Oh, I am all alone and nobody understands me... and the only reason I do not talk to my wife is because she would not understand it anyway"?



Since my quote indirectly started this thread I'll answer. I'll tell my wife that I mean exactly what I say and there is always a purpose to it. She can't grasp that concept on a everyday basis and often completely misses the importance of how I choose my words. There are some women who practice this as well, but they all tend to be women who understand math and science. I don't talk about subjects with my wife such as politics, science or cars because she is simply not interested in those things. However these are some of my favorite things to ponder and discuss. On the emotional level we often have a disconnect because I expect rational conclusions or honest admissions but I've found she can't handle this type of frankness. A disclaimer. My wife once went to a councilor and after about 5 sessions she finally told the lady that I was an Engineer. The councilor said" Oh my god I didn't know". She said Engineers think differently than most men and can be difficult to live with. I think she's right about that.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> I have a question for the men. Did the following ever happen to you?
> 
> 1. You told yor wife / your friend / whomever you wanted to be alone for a time. That person left and you felt aaaaall alone and were mad at the person for not supporting you?
> 
> 2. You told your wife / friend / whomever you wanted to be alone but only because you did not want to drag them down because you were sad. You hoped they would figure you really did not want to be alone


Unequivocally no to both. Those questions take me back to raising three daughters


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> Since my quote indirectly started this thread I'll answer. I'll tell my wife that I mean exactly what I say and there is always a purpose to it. She can't grasp that concept on a everyday basis and often completely misses the importance of how I choose my words. There are some women who practice this as well, but they all tend to be women who understand math and science. I don't talk about subjects with my wife such as politics, science or cars because she is simply not interested in those things. However these are some of my favorite things to ponder and discuss. On the emotional level we often have a disconnect because I expect rational conclusions or honest admissions but I've found she can't handle this type of frankness. A disclaimer. My wife once went to a councilor and after about 5 sessions she finally told the lady that I was an Engineer. The councilor said" Oh my god I didn't know". She said Engineers think differently than most men and can be difficult to live with. I think she's right about that.


Everybody got my question the wrong. My fault. What I wanted to ask:

If a man says he wants to be alone does he really always want to be alone? That article says they often want to be alone and you seem to agree.
Now does the man just sometimes say "I want to be alone" because he feels misunderstood or does "I want to be alone, I'll be back in five minutes" really mean "I want to be alone"? Could it also mean "I prefer to be alone to the company of a person who does not understand me anyway"? What if the guy who says that would have a magic wand which would turn the other into a perfect listener with the same life experience and very good advice. Would he still want to be alone in that case?

What makes engineers different from other men?


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Enginerd said:


> Even Bono has finally realized that simply giving food and resources to a suffering society won't solve the problem in the long term. The society must be taught to build and provide for themselves. The answer is in economic growth and personal responsibility so they can become self sustaining. History has proven over and over again that this type of movement must come from the people in the society. There's a point where aid just becomes enabling bad societal behavior just like enabling a drug addict. So tell me at what point do you think enough is enough?


I think there's often a disconnect between the people needing the help and the organizations trying to provide it. It's almost as if the recipients aren't even consulted about what kind of help would be most effective. 

It's understandable that it happens - aid organizations provide money and resources, but crises are often different. There are political, geographical, and cultural issues to deal with. I guess you have to look at whether the problems are acute or chronic. Are they caused by government or lack of government?


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> I think there's often a disconnect between the people needing the help and the organizations trying to provide it. It's almost as if the recipients aren't even consulted about what kind of help would be most effective.
> 
> It's understandable that it happens - aid organizations provide money and resources, but crises are often different. There are political, geographical, and cultural issues to deal with. I guess you have to look at whether the problems are acute or chronic. Are they caused by government or lack of government?


What would be your timeline for an acute vs. chronic problem ? Don't get me wrong. I think a humane society should provide aid for natural disasters or epidemics and borders shouldn't matter. However, I don't think aid can be used successfully to resolve political or cultural issues. I think history shows this to be the case. The one organization I respect is Doctors without borders. They work they do is voluntary and the results are undeniable.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> No, I cannot think of any. I was really into a hobby before I fell pregnant and I did quite well and I could not think / talk about something complicated... but I did definetly think of other things. I cannot stop my brain from thinking.


Letting your thoughts slow down is meditation. Very refreshing. You can't consciously stop yourself from thinking because that in itself is just another thought. 

But there are certain tasks where just having one primary thought is necessary. I think they are the tasks that are essentially dangerous to your health. Like hunting, fighting, working with dangerous equipment... traditionally male occupations.


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> If a man says he wants to be alone does he really always want to be alone? That article says they often want to be alone and you seem to agree.
> Now does the man just sometimes say "I want to be alone" because he feels misunderstood or does "I want to be alone, I'll be back in five minutes" really mean "I want to be alone"?


"I want to be alone" has nothing to do with being understood or misunderstood. 

Have you ever cooked a recipe where thirty seconds too long on the stove is the difference between success and utter failure? Could you do it with three rambunctious children playing tag in the kitchen? (I don't know...maybe women actually can do this :scratchhead

"I want to be alone" just means "I want to focus my attention on something without distraction".


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> However, I don't think aid can be used successfully to resolve political or cultural issues.


While that is true I think that humanitarian aid can prevent a society from becoming a dictatorship.
When there is widespread poverty extremists can use that for their goals. The poverty would be the cause for the political problems in that case.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Letting your thoughts slow down is meditation. Very refreshing. You can't consciously stop yourself from thinking because that in itself is just another thought.
> 
> But there are certain tasks where just having one primary thought is necessary. I think they are the tasks that are essentially dangerous to your health. Like hunting, fighting, working with dangerous equipment... traditionally male occupations.


 I never feel more alive then when I'm hunting, riding a motorcycle, competing in a contact sport or operating a chain saw. I live for that stuff. The singular focus required is very relaxing and satisfying. Way better then therapy.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> While that is true I think that humanitarian aid can prevent a society from becoming a dictatorship.
> When there is widespread poverty extremists can use that for their goals. The poverty would be the cause for the political problems in that case.


I'll have to respectfully disagree. Can you site an example where this has worked?


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

I believe it is hard to generalize in any way. I think that even though we can describe something using the same words, that people process and preceive things in very different ways and have very different reasons (sometimes inexpressible ones) for how it impacts them.

So - 'how men (or women) perceive...' I feel is a real rabbit hole.

Consider what Feynman says here.. something he tripped on once that illustrates how very differently 2 people viewing the same thing can be...

Feynman: FUN TO IMAGINE 11: Ways of Thinking (Part One of Two) - YouTube

(edit: by the way - if you dont know feynman - you should. Consider this.. 'stored sunlight'... brilliant teacher! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITpDrdtGAmo )


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> I'll have to respectfully disagree. Can you site an example where this has worked?


For example Japan and Western Germany after WWII.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

anotherguy said:


> I believe it is hard to generalize in any way. I think that even though we can describe something using the same words, that people process and preceive things in very different ways and have very different reasons (sometimes inexpressible ones) for how it impacts them.
> 
> So - 'how men (or women) perceive...' I feel is a real rabbit hole.
> 
> ...


I think science generalizes all the time by using statistics to identify normal populations. Sure there are exceptions to every population but the different tendencies of men and women are well documented and undeniable. The "we shouldn't generalize" meme is from the PC crowd that makes policy based on guilt and often ignores the science. It is true that perception can vary widely from person to person based on other factors like culture or education but that doesn't mean that tendencies are invalid or bad to acknowledge.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

I'll make tea said:


> For example Japan and Western Germany after WWII.


We physically destroyed both these countries and killed millions defending our country. This was not a humanitarian effort to bail out a failing country or society. Nice try but I don't think so. I forgot to mention that we still have military bases in both countries.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

chuckle.

No - Im not an example of political correctness run amok. Far from it.

My point was to say that when one person says "I like an independant woman' and another says 'I like a less independent woman, one that needs me' that Im not so sure that kind of information actually is all that useful.

So I agree with you and perhaps just made my point badly. Of course males and females have well documented differences - even different areas of the brain that light up when thinking about the same thing.

Differently - I think that to some degree - people are bad judges of what is important to a long term relationship and conflate attraction with compatability. I think they get better at this with age perhaps - but I feel the lists of attributes and qualities we search for in a mate are grossly incomplete.

For example - I find my wifes ability to dedicate the amount of energy she does to raising our kids is, frankly, amazing and one of the best qualities she has. Was I looking for this when we met? no.. and Im not sure you coan define it or test for it until it happens. I also loved the fact that she is independant and has strong opinions... but all these years later I find that her dependance on me, trust perhaps is a better word - matters more to me in some ways. I wouldnt trade one for the other, but.. well there you have it.

I am in serious danger of babling... sorry... ;-)


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Men - rational
Women - emotional

Grand, sweeping generalization, but backed up empirically. 

I like food, sex, things mechanical/physics and music. And etymology of languages, although I'm no scholar.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

doubletrouble said:


> Men - rational
> Women - emotional
> 
> Grand, sweeping generalization, but backed up empirically.
> .


Exactly. ...And this is of what use when you meet someone new?

To me - its not much use at all in the real world when you are actually dealing with people. You simply cant assume - to any seriious degree - that women will respond 'emotionally' and men will respond 'rationally'.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

anotherguy said:


> Exactly. ...And this is of what use when you meet someone new?
> 
> To me - its not much use at all in the real world when you are actually dealing with people. You simply cant assume - to any seriious degree - that women will respond 'emotionally' and men will respond 'rationally'.



Of course you must be aware that some people will not act according to the general traits of their gender and approach them appropriately, but you can assume that the majority fall into the normal behavior category. I find it pretty easy to identify practical/rational women when I first meet them. Their body language, personal preferences and actions are good indicators of basic personality type.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

doubletrouble said:


> Men - rational
> Women - emotional
> 
> Grand, sweeping generalization, but backed up empirically.
> ...


I would amend that to read:

Men - Can be both rational and emotional

Women - Can be both emotional and rational

Not all men are intrinsically rational and not all women are driven by their emotions.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Enginerd said:


> We physically destroyed both these countries and killed millions defending our country. This was not a humanitarian effort to bail out a failing country or society. Nice try but I don't think so. I forgot to mention that we still have military bases in both countries.


No, I thought her examples were perfect. Considering the economic problems of the Weimar republic, coupled with the disbandment of soldiers who had lost their souls being allowed to form gangs, this example was great. They did this post-war bribery fully conscious of the fact that democracy - such as it is - would not survive another Weimar.

Why can we never admit when someone has given a smashing example? We can then move on toward a well-rounded view.


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## Sandfly (Dec 8, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> I would amend that to read:
> 
> Men - Can be both rational and emotional
> 
> ...


This is true. I had one woman manager who could put aside cliques, offending friends and all that stuff to just do 'what was most efficient'. And I had male managers who talked about subordinates and made fun of them when they weren't there - not very rational behaviour, career-wise.

Look at the fundamentalist religious men around the world, and Fox news fans - are they not constantly reacting emotionally? Then the social climbers and ambitious among women - are they not coldly rational?

Perhaps they have a different goal to their emotional/rational behaviour, but both are, given those different goals, able to be one or the other.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'll make tea said:


> It is by the way difficult to try to imagine thinking of just one thing at a time. I am not sure if I would be able do do that for a prolonged time.



Compartmentalizing does not mean single tasking. It means multi tasking but without artifacts from one task messing up other tasks. 

It's a matter of priorities at the end.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> Not all men are intrinsically rational and not all women are driven by their emotions.


And a large chunk of the "science" backing up the intrinsic/stereotypical differences between men and women is pure bunk.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

always_alone said:


> And a large chunk of the "science" backing up the intrinsic/stereotypical differences between men and women is pure bunk.



Hey! I resemble that remark!

:rofl:

We know the physiological differences - not as many as one would think - and we know the many difference in mental models - ways of thinking really - between men and women. Making the leap from one to the other is not quite so simple.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

john117 said:


> We know the physiological differences - not as many as one would think - and we know the many difference in mental models - ways of thinking really - between men and women. Making the leap from one to the other is not quite so simple.


Assuming that (a) we really do know actual and factual differences in said mental models, and that (b) said leap can be made.

And assuming that the typical methodologies employed are adequate to the task of defining innate psychological differences between men and women. 

All mighty big assumptions.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

We generally know there are differences and even can identify them but can't necessarily pinpoint the exact difference in physiology that may explain the difference in models.

Besides, the genders may differ due to males and females selecting different mental models altogether for the same situation. 

Lots of assumptions, true that.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

always_alone said:


> And a large chunk of the "science" backing up the intrinsic/stereotypical differences between men and women is pure bunk.


:iagree:

Particularly as it's near nigh impossible to conduct studies on people whose thinking / behaviour has to a large extent been influenced by roles, culture and society.


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## always_alone (Dec 11, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Particularly as it's near nigh impossible to conduct studies on people whose thinking / behaviour hasn't to a large extent been influenced by roles, culture and society.


Exactly. Huge numbers of perception surveys and self-reported data from people with varying degrees of insight, and all imbued with familial and cultural norms and biases.

Even physiological studies rely on this self-reported data or assumptions about cultural meanings of various stimuli --whenever trying to tie the physiological to the psychological.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Can't... resist... anymore...

The MALE brain:


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Particularly as it's near nigh impossible to conduct studies on people whose thinking / behaviour has to a large extent been influenced by roles, culture and society.


True, but does it matter?

Our brains are shaped by the fact we live in societies and our societies make us who we are.


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## I'll make tea (Oct 11, 2013)

While I agree that too much stereotyping is bad to little might be just as bad.

When I for example invite a devout Muslim for dinner I might figure that spare rips with beer might not be the ideal choice of food.

I noticed that talking to men about certain things helped me understand other men far better than any amount of discussing them with my female friends.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I'll make tea said:


> True, but does it matter?
> 
> Our brains are shaped by the fact we live in societies and our societies make us who we are.


:iagree:

Not really! I think I was just trying to make the point that our thinking / behaviour isn't dependent on gender alone. It's largely dependent on the roles etc those genders are conditioned to play.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Naughty boy, RD!:lol:


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Engineers plan to plan always thinking about cause and affect. It can be annoying to people that react emotionally to problems.


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## Enginerd (May 24, 2011)

Cosmos said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 
> 
> Not really! I think I was just trying to make the point that our thinking / behaviour isn't dependent on gender alone. It's largely dependent on the roles etc those genders are conditioned to play.



I agree that gender roles and the way we think about them are influenced by society but DNA seems to play the most significant role. If this is not the case then how can transgendered people be explained (male body with female brain or the opposite). This segment of the population often claims they knew they were in the wrong body at age 5. My basic assumption is that transgendered people are part of the natural variation of humanity and that their DNA is the origin of their differences.


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