# Am i the only person?



## EasyBakeOven (Apr 26, 2014)

Wife walked out 4 years ago this month. (together almost 13 years) The normal i love you but not in love bla bla bla. I won custody of our child and moved on okay i guess under the circumstances. Been raising my son alone while she tries to find Mr Perfect. She just broke up from her 3rd bf by my last count lol.

So here is the question? 

Why am i the one that has to file for divorce? Every other leaver usually files quickly after they leave. Im Catholic and i have started the process but this really makes me feel guilty. I thought for sure that the lazy thing would have done this by now. My sister left her husband and filed within a month. 

Talk about a procrastinator. Has this happened to anyone else?

My rant for the day


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Of course it's happened to others. It's not true that it's always the leaver who files.

Sometimes the leaver is so spaced out that they could care less about marriage any more, so filing for divorce means nothing. It's the person who needs to have things taken care of that usually files first. You have the child(ren) so you needed to have things legally take care of to protect them and yourself. So you did what you had to do, you filed.

Did you get married in the Catholic Church?


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## EasyBakeOven (Apr 26, 2014)

Hello. Yes we got married in a Catholic church. I am so dead against divorce but what choice do i have? Staying married is a farce at this point. I sneak in the paper work when my son is sleeping only to have it returned because i did something wrong. (im doing it myself). It really makes me feel wrong or something.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

EasyBakeOven said:


> Hello. Yes we got married in a Catholic church. I am so dead against divorce but what choice do i have? Staying married is a farce at this point. I sneak in the paper work when my son is sleeping only to have it returned because i did something wrong. (im doing it myself). It really makes me feel wrong or something.


You ARE divorced in reality. And I say spiritually. You are just trying to be legally divorced.

I am a recovering Catholic so I get some of what you say. But while you are against divorce it has already occurred. You are just acknowledging it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

EasyBakeOven said:


> Hello. Yes we got married in a Catholic church. I am so dead against divorce but what choice do i have? Staying married is a farce at this point. I sneak in the paper work when my son is sleeping only to have it returned because i did something wrong. (im doing it myself). It really makes me feel wrong or something.


Doing a divorce pro se with children and/or assets can be difficult. 


Have you talked to your priests about this and read the Catechism? In the below text, I think that you fit into the last category. You are the “innocent victim”. The first one applies too as you and your children need civil protections. Since you are an innocent victim, you might also be able to get an annulment form the Church.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

*• "The separation of spouses, while maintaining the marriage bond, can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law. If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense" (#2383). *

• Divorce, for reasons other than safety and security however, is considered a grave offense because it "claims to break the [marriage] contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death" (#2384). 

• "Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society." (#2385). 

*• "It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to [their]... marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage" (#2386). *


FAQs on Divorce


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