# Please don't trickle truth us at TAM



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

There have been several instances when a new member has said: "ABC has happened. What do I do?"

And when other TAM members step in and say: "Well, in situation ABC, this is what you could do."

Only for the OP to come back with: "What? Are you mad? When CDE also happened?"

Which then invalidates the advice they were given as it was only based on a trickle of the truth, not the whole story.

That's why we prefer the whole story so that any opinions or advice we offer is based on the entire story and not little snippets.

We don't do it to be nosy or mean. It's because we need to know as much as possible in order to help you.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

As our marriage councilor said; "My advice is only as valid as the completeness of the information you give me."

Unfortunately, my WW failed to mention the PA, and 6 OM.... So, "communication homework" wasn't going to fix it.


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## carmen ohio (Sep 24, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> There have been several instances when a new member has said: "ABC has happened. What do I do?"
> 
> And when other TAM members step in and say: "Well, in situation ABC, this is what you could do."
> 
> ...


It would also be helpful if people would read carefully the entire thread (or, at the very least, all of the OP's posts) before offering advice.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Come on, Matt....you know better.

As a person whom I think has a good sense of human psychology....I'm sure you realize what happens in most posts.

People will divulge only what's comfortable. Until they get more comfortable.!

Let them vent. Let them explain in thier own way. Eventually, the truth comes out. 

We all do this. It's human nature.

As "veterans", we can only let the story unfold as it will, then offer sound advise as needed, or a good ass whipping, as needed.

It's all good!


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

what gets me is when someone comes here, asks for an ass whipping (okay - they ask for honest opinions - same thing), then they get what they asked for and some other poster cozies up to the OP by calling all of the rest of us self righteous...

There are very few - if any - posters who act self righteous. Strong opinions are usually formed from experiences...personal or observed...and they do not qualify as self righteousness.

And I do not disagree with the OP.... But I think in reality this will not happen very often, mostly because Thread starters are usually focused solely on the thing that is bothering them. They just want to get it off of their chest and they don't want to diminish the impact of what they are saying by offering mitigating circumstances.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

alphaomega said:


> Come on, Matt....you know better.
> 
> As a person whom I think has a good sense of human psychology....I'm sure you realize what happens in most posts.
> 
> ...


And this is why I make the point here.


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## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

Let's also not forget that when someone comes here with a fresh discovery, their mind is in a million pieces. The term "trickle truth" implies a deliberate attempt to whitewash the story, or to fool the listener/reader. 

In spite of the many trolls, I'm going to give the benefit of the doubt in that for some, it's probably just because their whole world has just blown apart and they are trying to piece it back together, hence offering pieces at a time on TAM.

And what alphaomega said


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

carmen ohio said:


> It would also be helpful if people would read carefully the entire thread (or, at the very least, all of the OP's posts) before offering advice.


My computer is so slow it would take me years to read all the posts from some of these long thread...wait ....no wonder I've been here since '10...

Hell my laptop is so slow and old I just finished Shamwow's thread last week:rofl:

Man I crack my self up!


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

alphaomega said:


> Come on, Matt....you know better.
> 
> As a person whom I think has a good sense of human psychology....I'm sure you realize what happens in most posts.
> 
> ...


I think what needs to happen is forum members need to be a bit more careful before throwing up the divorce card.

Particularly given the fact that truth arrives in threads in piecemeal.. it's probably best not to offer divorce as a suggestion.
_
While you have a conservative picture, it's probably best to offer conservative advice.
_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Allen_A said:


> I think what needs to happen is forum members need to be a bit more careful before throwing up the divorce card.
> 
> Particularly given the fact that truth arrives in threads in piecemeal.. it's probably best not to offer divorce as a suggestion.
> _
> ...


It's the old saying, though, isn't it? "If a man only has a hammer in his toolbox, eventually everything starts to look like a nail."


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

I love the troll threads, yes they upset folk but I do wish we could have them in a special folder for us to look back on, I missed a couple of good endings 

Seriously, it is hard to sum everything up in one hit, I have seen essays 1000 words and more and also single sentence openers, it aint easy being open about the things that hurt inside man!!!

There is a lot to my own story that you guys don't know and probably never will, but that is because I come for help when I need help with a specific, the rest I can and do deal with.

I wish I had never found TAM sometimes and others I am so glad I have a place to come for help, double edged sword don't you think?


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

It can be, but you have to sift thru it and make a plan that best fits.

A lot of guys have been real good husbands only to get totaly screwed. While some guys have been criminally abusive( or close to it) and have the grace to not only fogive the WW but to be forgiven.

But then again I'm a beta male who kept his cheating wife (according to some)


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> It's the old saying, though, isn't it? "If a man only has a hammer in his toolbox, eventually everything starts to look like a nail."


I try to keep a fully stocked tool belt, and I leave my hammer at home unless I know I will be needing it.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

the guy said:


> It can be, but you have to sift thru it and make a plan that best fits.
> 
> A lot of guys have been real good husbands only to get totaly screwed. While some guys have been criminally abusive( or close to it) and have the grace to not only fogive the WW but to be forgiven.
> 
> But then again I'm a beta male who kept his cheating wife (according to some)


What drives me nuts is the "alpha males" i do know out there cheat on their wives left and right, and their wives never cheat on them!

It makes me think treating your spouse like crap may be the best way to keep the honest...

I know that sounds nuts... but that's the message I am getting from the situation...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Allen_A said:


> What drives me nuts is the "alpha males" i do know out there cheat on their wives left and right, and their wives never cheat on them!
> 
> It makes me think treating your spouse like crap may be the best way to keep the honest...
> 
> I know that sounds nuts... but that's the message I am getting from the situation...


Allen...trust me you are way wrong.....go find my original thread...I didn't treat my spouse like crap what I did to my wife was criminal.

So treating them like crap or treating them like gold they cheat cuz they choose to!


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

the guy said:


> Allen...trust me you are way wrong.....go find my original thread...I didn't treat my spouse like crap what I did to my wife was criminal.
> 
> So treating them like crap or treating them like gold they cheat cuz they choose to!


Ya I hear ya.

There is actually a fella I work with who cheats on his wife and even brags about it to his co-workers.

He treats his wife like crap and here she is fully devoted to him. I've met her, she's no cheater.

I guess she may turn into one later... who knows...

But right now it just seems so silly... This guy cheats and his wife is bringing his lunch in to work for him. I brown bag my lunch every day myself and my wife is cheating on me while I am at work!

There's no justice...


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

@Allen, maybe the guy at work gets his lunch brough to him so he doesn't go out to lunch and find that his wife is also sleeping with the same women he is....LOL

Now thats justice!


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## looking for clarity (Aug 12, 2013)

I think it's that the cheating husband looks for woman with low self esteem who will put up with his crap. Not that I should project my situation but this is what happened to me.

I dated a lot and never had trouble finding guys but ultimately I would lose interest or they would lose interest. Then I met my husband. I was 23 but already felt like an old maid. He was handsome, successful, super smart (full scholarship to university and he was in a prestigious graduate school). He was charming and funny. I thought I won the lottery. He has probably cheated on me the while time - I know it's been for 8 years at least. And I don't cheat on him. Until I found tam, I thought I was not good enough and made him cheat because I don't satisfy.

He is verbally abusive and made me feel less than him and that I am lucky he stays with me. It's something I am struggling with.

But I'm sick of him now and getting ready to divorce him. I think I'm a good catch and I'll find someone better and he'll be a cheater for ever. Be the good guy and you'll be happy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

looking for clarity said:


> I think it's that the cheating husband looks for woman with low self esteem who will put up with his crap. Not that I should project my situation but this is what happened to me.
> 
> I dated a lot and never had trouble finding guys but ultimately I would lose interest or they would lose interest. Then I met my husband. I was 23 but already felt like an old maid. He was handsome, successful, super smart (full scholarship to university and he was in a prestigious graduate school). He was charming and funny. I thought I won the lottery. He has probably cheated on me the while time - I know it's been for 8 years at least. And I don't cheat on him. Until I found tam, I thought I was not good enough and made him cheat because I don't satisfy.
> 
> ...


All women are good catches, unless they're not...lol

25, 45. They are all sexy.

I guess that makes us guys....


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## SolidSnake (Dec 6, 2011)

MattMatt said:


> There have been several instances when a new member has said: "ABC has happened. What do I do?"
> 
> And when other TAM members step in and say: "Well, in situation ABC, this is what you could do."
> 
> ...


I couldn't agree more. I was unfortunatly involved in 2 of those threads recently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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