# comment on LTC on older 15-20 year age difference Question feedback?



## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Hi, I have a question or feedback.
Will a woman age 40-65 want a man who may havd diabetes II with slight ED issues. Like not as turgor, but good enough. How would a woman feel about that. Making love is important just as being emotionally connected-intimacy in its truest sense.



I woul like to meet a woman fifteen to years younger. I am 54. There for I woud select someone age 39 to 43 to have another child with. I want a family. I am a lot wiser, mature, a do-over. I can love better, listen better, provide better although I am poor as a church mouse, but I work hard and a lot. I would hope my mate at a younger age is wiser or equal to my knowledge what a relationship is about. I dream of a do-over, but I will leave that to God to lead me to that opportunity.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I can only speak for myself and I wouldn’t. The only way I would consider dating a man 15 years older than me would be because he looks amazing for his age, he doesn’t have a lot of baggage, and he has $$$.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I can only speak for myself and I wouldn’t. The only way I would consider dating a man 15 years older than me would be because he looks amazing for his age, he doesn’t have a lot of baggage, and he has $$$.


Yeah I know, My do-over for a family ship has sailed. Bummer, I lost a decade in a gaslighting relationhip although a nice dream, we can't always get what we want with choices made long ago. Unfortunate, that when we get older time is short and recovery time from mistakes is detrimental. I pray God delivers me my final soulmate. This revolving door of matrimony is a killer. Thanks for responding.
David


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Perhaps a mail order bride? Oh wait...you’re broke. 

That post sounds utterly ridiculous to me 


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Perhaps a mail order bride? Oh wait...you’re broke.
> 
> That post sounds utterly ridiculous to me
> 
> ...


Why, does it sound rediculous? I bet there are a lot of men and women on here are utterly destroyed financially due to divorce. I don't want to start slamming those lucky ones' who can jetset. God bless the better off people if nothing or no tragedy has really caused that type of issue. Good for them. 

But tell me why and why for the sarcasm. I am not hurt by it, but currious.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

Not everyone will be blessed with Kids. It is not in everyone’s cards. 
You can find your soul mate, and she doesn’t have to be 15 years younger than you. What’s wrong with a women your age? What’s wrong with having step children? You are playing the victim card.

Oh wait... you already have kids? Then have a good relationship with your kids.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Davidmidwest said:


> Why, does it sound rediculous? I bet there are a lot of men and women on here are utterly destroyed financially due to divorce. I don't want to start slamming those lucky ones' who can jetset. God bless the better off people if nothing or no tragedy has really caused that type of issue. Good for them.
> 
> 
> 
> But tell me why and why for the sarcasm. I am not hurt by it, but currious.




Get back on your feet financially, medically and emotionally before you attempt to date. Your post screams that you are not ready. 


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

When a man starts out by saying I want to find a women 15 years younger than me I just roll my eyes. I’m sure you do...


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Lol. No kidding! 


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Get back on your feet financially, medically and emotionally before you attempt to date. Your post screams that you are not ready.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I guess, Thanks for the feedback. I've been working on it. I can't wait until I am perfect. Not of us are. Yes, get on my feet. It will take time and I will. A friend at least it would be nice to make. Thanks for the advice. I don't want to scream not ready... I rather be ready with confidence.


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## katiecrna (Jan 29, 2016)

I want to know why she has to be 15 years younger than you?


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

katiecrna said:


> I want to know why she has to be 15 years younger than you?




He wants a re-do on having children 


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I want to know why she has to be 15 years younger than you?


Oh, she doesn't I was just thinking that is young enough age so that she is still young enough to have another baby. The opportunity for that for me is moot at my age. I just toying with the idea as wishful thinking.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

You are old enough to be a grandfather at this point. That would be extremely unfair to a child. You would be 74 by the time they are 20, IF you live that long with diabetes. 


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Why on earth would anyone 54 years old want to have children? Why would you curse them? If you started now and got a woman pregnant you would be 55 when they were born and 73 when they graduated from HS, you would spend your 70's paying for college. All of their friends would think how nice it is that "grampa" came to graduation. To me having a kid in my mid 50's would be utter selfishness. Stop pining for the past and start living for today.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> He wants a re-do on having children
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Hi,
She doesn't have to be young. Yes meeting someone my age would be better. I am looking forward to that down the road. Rather than have a new family with a newborn I think for both our sakes it's better to love, enjoy each others company, start living and doing things in life before we miss out. It would be good to enjoy empty nesting.
Don't you all think?

Don't roll eyes, I never had a mid-life crisis and I am not going to...LOL


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Davidmidwest said:


> Hi,
> 
> She doesn't have to be young. Yes meeting someone my age would be better. I am looking forward to that down the road. Rather than have a new family with a newborn I think for both our sakes it's better to love, enjoy each others company, start living and doing things in life before we miss out. It would be good to enjoy empty nesting.
> 
> ...




Dude...you sound confused. Another reason to get yourself together before attempting to date. 

This isn’t a question of chicken or steak for dinner. I’m sure anyone reading this is probably rolling their eyes. 


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Davidmidwest said:


> I woul like to meet a woman fifteen to years younger. I am 54. There for I woud select someone age 39 to 43 to have another child with. I want a family. I am a lot wiser, mature, a do-over. I can love better, listen better, provide better although I am poor as a church mouse, but I work hard and a lot. I would hope my mate at a younger age is wiser or equal to my knowledge what a relationship is about. I dream of a do-over, but I will leave that to God to lead me to that opportunity.


Do you know how MANY of your type are on the online dating services looking for women? Hell, you're starting even LATER than most of the guys I'm about to describe. You see so many of these guys on the dating sites, now. Guys in their mid 50's who selfishly plowed through life acting like irresponsible idiots or concentrated only on themselves or their careers etc., and then suddenly, at the age of 45 or 48, got all maudlin that they didn't procreate and will die alone. So, they found some foolish young woman to marry them and have their kids. Now here they are 7 or 8 years later on the dating sites, 55+ years old and divorced, wondering why quality women closer to their own age don't want to date them.

What 50 or 52 year old woman wants to date some fool who comes with a litter of late in life kids all under the age of 6 and an angry younger ex-wife who finally realized what an idiot she was for being some old guy's incubator?

Oh boy, where do I sign up for some of _*that*_?

I turned down quite a few men just like you who had a couple of young kids and an angry younger ex-wife, back when I was dating at 54 years old. 

Here's to finding that magic unicorn you're looking for.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Do you have kids from the previous marriage?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Sorry to say, you don't bring much to the table for any woman. With that said, there are plenty of older guys sporting young, lovely Filipina brides on their arms. The caveat being citizenship and bringing their family over as soon as possible. Love will probably not be in the equation.

Your best bet is to find a lady who is your age or older who is financially set and has grandchildren that the two of you can dote on. Try a church.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> Do you have kids from the previous marriage?


I would like to know this, too.


A couple of thoughts:
There are plenty of children in the world already who need a mentor. There are foster children (have done that) and there are Big Brother programs. There are Sunday school classes to teach if you want to bond with a child. This may not be your goal, I don't know. Your post is a little unclear to me.

Secondly, diabetes dramatically cuts down on lifespan and quality of life. Type II can be managed really well with diet, exercise, weight control. You will not be attractive to anyone of any age if you have lost your toes, then your feet, then your leg. Wake up call before you get there!!! Please!!! I see too many 60 year olds in long term care who didn't heed this advice. There is a diabetic care center in every city (if not several) who provide support and meetings to help manage your illness. You may meet a nice woman there, also. Post about your progress here...we care!


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I am turning 40 in a few months.

I would not seek a man 15 years older, especially one already experiencing age-related health problems.

Not only is sex very important, I do not want to set myself up for a situation where I end up becoming simply a caretaker - I want someone has vibrant as I am.

You mention 39-43 with the intention of childbearing. With her 40, most women experience much lower fertility rates, so even if you meet "her" you may find that having children is not an option.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

katiecrna said:


> I want to know why she has to be 15 years younger than you?


To avoid the horrors of menopause that doesn't go well. :wink2:, Or atleast go back far enough it isn't an immediate threat. You asked, sure it may not work out in 10 or 15 years, just trying to help <g>.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

anonmd said:


> katiecrna said:
> 
> 
> > I want to know why she has to be 15 years younger than you?
> ...


Here's the thing. The sentiment above works exactly both ways!!! A woman might not want to partner with a man 10 to 15 years older than herself, to avoid the horrors of lessened testosterone and male aging that doesn't go well. Or at least be far enough away from it that it is not an immediate threat.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Livvie said:


> Here's the thing. The sentiment above works exactly both ways!!! A woman might not want to partner with a man 10 to 15 years older than herself, to avoid the horrors of lessened testosterone and male aging that doesn't go well. Or at least be far enough away from it that it is not an immediate threat.


Do not disagree

The trick may be how to get the two groups of similar ages together.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I agree! Nothing wrong with being with someone your own age.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

The trick is, there is a group of middle aged men that have identified the group of middle aged women that are bad news on the sexual front, and vica versa. If the middle aged women I knew were best avoided at all costs were identifiable I'd have no issue with looking in my age pool. And I presume it would be the same on the female side.

Speaking academically here as I am not looking...


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

And I'm sure all the 55 year old available females are sex kittens, and personalities between Mother Theresa and Paula Deen, and have Oprah level financial resources...

(Just kidding).

The expectation is that the 40 year old brings less emotional baggage I suppose. Hint: if she's single at this point, either it's by choice, she divorced someone, or someone divorced her. Or she's a widow. Or her partner got kidnapped by space aliens.

(These are all the possible outcomes, so spare me the stereotypical behaviors)

Pick your category and see what information you get from it.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Ok, so I have read a few of OPs threads from over the years. I thought some of his newer posts were odd and trolling but now I think I understand it's just the way he comes across verbally, not that he's got a hidden agenda here.

David, just to be blunt, given the value you offer as of right now and what you are looking for don't seem to match if you were to put a value on the certain types of relationships and types of people. It's not saying it's impossible but going straight for what you want is going to lead to down a deeper hole with most likely not good results at the end of the day.

If I was you I would reel back on looking for a relationship and I mean that. You need to work on yourself and several ways and then what you are really looking for and desire, deep down, will most likely be presented to you.

So here are two things I would highly recommend as a theme.

- Work on yourself physically and mentally. Exercise, eat right and read. Build yourself up so you start feeling good, no great about yourself.
- #2 get involved with as much stuff as you can with no ulterior motive of finding someone but at the same time putting you in contact with others that will help build your people and communication skills. Volunteer at your church, go to work outings. In short, without being intruding, be around people where they will have you.

This will start to build a much better you, one that you will be happy and proud of and in turn, you will then start to be presented with opportunities without even trying too hard.

In short, stop looking so hard right now! Start working on yourself and enjoy the progress!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I’m not being sarcastic but if you want to attract younger (or any) women you need to make the best of what you have.And if this is really you in the photo you have a lot to learn.
Start with your hair,you look like a younger version of Trump with that semi comb over.And you don’t have brown hair with natural grey highlights dude,you have grey hair.Go to a good hairstylist and take their advice an a proper style to suit your face.
Go to an upmarket clothes store,stay away from Walmart.Get either a twenty something female or even better a gay male assistant to help you select some new clothes and stay away from the ensemble you are wearing.
If you are tempted to try online dating get some better photographs taken than the one you are using here.Also narrow down your list of likes,you are coming across as desperate.
Go to the gym and lose some weight.That double chin needs to be got rid of.
Good luck.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

You might want to consider an older woman with grandchildren. That way you can have the best of both worlds. Spoil them rotten and then give them back. 
Late thirties woman here. Even if I was single, I personally wouldn't be interested, but I'm pretty sure my mother would. All the deal breakers for me, wouldn't be a big deal to her (or someone like her) And also, she's way past menopause, so that wouldn't be an issue.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Either way, don't give up. Try not to have cast in stone 100% of requirements unless they're all deal breakers.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

katiecrna said:


> I can only speak for myself and I wouldn’t. The only way I would consider dating a man 15 years older than me would be because he looks amazing for his age, he doesn’t have a lot of baggage, and he has $$$.


Hi,
Im not that individual who can pull a Tony Randal or **** VanDyke. I hear what you are saying. I was just throwing it out there to get an opinion. The younger woman older man thing just not going to work out due to a multitide of reasons. Aging.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Ms. GP said:


> You might want to consider an older woman with grandchildren. That way you can have the best of both worlds. Spoil them rotten and then give them back.
> Late thirties woman here. Even if I was single, I personally wouldn't be interested, but I'm pretty sure my mother would. All the deal breakers for me, wouldn't be a big deal to her (or someone like her) And also, she's way past menopause, so that wouldn't be an issue.


I am a grandfather already. An older woman. I wouldn't go over age 64 for me being 54 and my younger limit is 47. I will improve myself and not rush things. I appreciate your advice.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Dude...you sound confused. Another reason to get yourself together before attempting to date.
> 
> This isn’t a question of chicken or steak for dinner. I’m sure anyone reading this is probably rolling their eyes.
> 
> ...


Hi, I am just contemplating. Not confused. Just gaging my spot on the Eriksons scale on aging. Yes. I am working on myself.
Thanks for writing


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Do you know how MANY of your type are on the online dating services looking for women? Hell, you're starting even LATER than most of the guys I'm about to describe. You see so many of these guys on the dating sites, now. Guys in their mid 50's who selfishly plowed through life acting like irresponsible idiots or concentrated only on themselves or their careers etc., and then suddenly, at the age of 45 or 48, got all maudlin that they didn't procreate and will die alone. So, they found some foolish young woman to marry them and have their kids. Now here they are 7 or 8 years later on the dating sites, 55+ years old and divorced, wondering why quality women closer to their own age don't want to date them.
> 
> What 50 or 52 year old woman wants to date some fool who comes with a litter of late in life kids all under the age of 6 and an angry younger ex-wife who finally realized what an idiot she was for being some old guy's incubator?
> 
> ...


Dear She's got it....
Thanks for writing. I am not one of those guys you describe in your reply to me. I am a little offended, but you didn't have a lot of information to go from. Here is the deal...

Im not on a dating site trolling for an incubator woman. God I think that is just awful. I am dealing with regret. I am not a geezer like you describe. I am too old to have kids I've decided. I could care less if I die alone. I am not needy. I have on Son and no other surviving relatives nor siblings. I'ts lonley, but I am not going to stock up kids to fill that void-YUCK.

I don't get or haven't get to the poing of wondering why quality women closer to their own age don't want to date them. Hi, I need to get involved with interests, hobbies, church to meet people, both sexes to make friends. A girlfriend will come later. 

I am not chasing unicorns.... I had twice married a woman with step kids. When older. I felt like a gigalo to be dumped after I help them get their kid into college. So. Looking at it now. I don't want anybody's F-ing kids. The women I date I hope she is an empty nester...

Oh boy, where do I sign up for some of that? You can go to Match.com LOL>

I turned down quite a few men just like you who had a couple of young kids and an angry younger ex-wife, back when I was dating at 54 years old. This advice you gave me is excellent.. Thank you.

I am not that guy and I pray to God I never am.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Davidmidwest said:


> Hi,
> She doesn't have to be young. Yes meeting someone my age would be better. I am looking forward to that down the road. Rather than have a new family with a newborn I think for both our sakes it's better to love, enjoy each others company, start living and doing things in life before we miss out. It would be good to enjoy empty nesting.
> Don't you all think?
> 
> Don't roll eyes, I never had a mid-life crisis and I am not going to...LOL


thanks for the advice- helful


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

stillfightingforus said:


> Do you have kids from the previous marriage?


Yes my first marriage. He is 25 now. I am a grandfather to two that I don't see. My son is a dud.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Davidmidwest said:


> Yes my first marriage. He is 25 now. I am a grandfather to two that I don't see. My son is a dud.


Now we are getting somewhere. Why is your son a dude and why can't you see your grandkids?


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> Sorry to say, you don't bring much to the table for any woman. With that said, there are plenty of older guys sporting young, lovely Filipina brides on their arms. The caveat being citizenship and bringing their family over as soon as possible. Love will probably not be in the equation.
> 
> Your best bet is to find a lady who is your age or older who is financially set and has grandchildren that the two of you can dote on. Try a church.


Hi,
I agree to find someone my age. I am not a gigalo no a gold digger-Yuck. I would prefer someone in the same socioeconic class as me. I am living on my dime. not hers... I could't tolerate it if I can't pay my way or hers or part of hers. Or we split the expense If I can afford a mariot suite and mcdonalds on a min-trip. I wonder do you think men if they can't match a successful woman us men should just shrivel up and die.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

stillfightingforus said:


> Now we are getting somewhere. Why is your son a dude and why can't you see your grandkids?


I ditched him for a woman who I knew gaslit me, and I knew it from the start. She and her kids at the time when my kid was 13 one week after I got married she shunned him and her kids did the same thing.. I am so angry I sold my soul for a bad marriage, a mistake in choices, that got me ill by ignoring my gut.. My kid is mad at me that I didn't rescue him when his mother turned him out to the street. However, he could of gont back to his mom's but he was stuborn. I knew my son was a dud at his age 7. I was just part-time weekend dad.
He is mad at me. He has two kids from two different women. He barely sees his kids. The dynamic of the relationship isn't there and never will be.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> Sorry to say, you don't bring much to the table for any woman. With that said, there are plenty of older guys sporting young, lovely Filipina brides on their arms. The caveat being citizenship and bringing their family over as soon as possible. Love will probably not be in the equation.
> 
> Your best bet is to find a lady who is your age or older who is financially set and has grandchildren that the two of you can dote on. Try a church.


Yes find a woman my age. I can't stand men who bring home foriegn women. We have enought wonderful women to choose from here.
I am pro hot blooded american and my one and only must be one too.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

anonmd said:


> The trick is, there is a group of middle aged men that have identified the group of middle aged women that are bad news on the sexual front, and vica versa. If the middle aged women I knew were best avoided at all costs were identifiable I'd have no issue with looking in my age pool. And I presume it would be the same on the female side.
> 
> Speaking academically here as I am not looking...


Yes lower testosterone is an issue. and I must look at my own age pool. I pray the women my age would understand. Nobody told me that health and hormone levels would be an issue in mating at an older age. It's enough to make a person cry. Thanks for writing


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Wow. My sons are 25 & 29. Although it wasn’t easy raising them and they still aggravate me at times by making stupid decisions, I have never called them or even thought about them being a “dud”. 

I wouldn’t blame your son for being upset with you. He’s probably waiting for the day when you’ll actually step up and be a real father. Unfortunately, I don’t see that happening. 

I’m not one of the posters here to opt for counseling because in most circumstances (by the time people end up here), it’s usually too late. I do think that you should seriously consider it. Your thoughts are all over the place and this situation with your son and grandchildren is so unbelievably sad. PLEASE seek some professional guidance. 


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

LTCNurse said:


> I would like to know this, too.
> 
> 
> A couple of thoughts:
> ...


Hi, Thanks for writing, I really appreciate your caring post... I am glad you did. I haven't come across many caring people in my life.
I have one son and i am estranged from him. I didn't come to his rescue when his mother tough loved him. and I was gaslit from my ex wife over a decade and she and her kids after we were married shunned my kid. I don't knnow why I stayed so long. I tell you..it's not fun puting up with pscyhological abuse.

Oh, I am exercising, riding my bike. I just got my foot issue healed. I wear diapedia safety shoes. The hardes thing is to manage the sugars. I portion my meals and eat a lot of salads, but there are days I lose the battle. I am aware that I can lose inch by inche of foot, leg etc. I am going to win the battle of controling it. 
I braught this illness on myself that s/h come when I am 70. But lifestyle working too much, stufing down anger, etc. and issues with wife, her step son, career tanking, and depression for three years caused my illness. I have numb feet. If I am to lose a toe. limb, I am on the first plane to Switzerland or the Netherlands and do the Lonesome Dove Thing. LIfe satisfaction is important. If I have to go into a LTC center I am on the first flight there too. I am in charge as an Administrator of a nursing home. I don't recommend anyone going to one.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

stillfightingforus said:


> Ok, so I have read a few of OPs threads from over the years. I thought some of his newer posts were odd and trolling but now I think I understand it's just the way he comes across verbally, not that he's got a hidden agenda here.
> 
> David, just to be blunt, given the value you offer as of right now and what you are looking for don't seem to match if you were to put a value on the certain types of relationships and types of people. It's not saying it's impossible but going straight for what you want is going to lead to down a deeper hole with most likely not good results at the end of the day.
> 
> ...


Hi, Thank you for sticking up for me... I don't have any ulterior motive.I am doing number 1 and 2. The two part I am getting involved trying to make friends. I don't need a love interests. A friend would be so nice.
I am doing both, but it takes so long. I haven't found the group for me...
Thanks for the support and wishing me well.
david


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

I shouldnthave said:


> I am turning 40 in a few months.
> 
> I would not seek a man 15 years older, especially one already experiencing age-related health problems.
> 
> ...


Hi,
Thank you for writing. yes you should be with someone as vibrant. I wan't the same thing, but with someone my own age. MY ex was 10 years older than me. I tell you women fourty and older are even more in thier prime. Us guys are slowing down. I hope when I meet the one I don't get slammed for lower libido.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Davidmidwest said:


> Hi,
> 
> Thank you for writing. yes you should be with someone as vibrant. I wan't the same thing, but with someone my own age. MY ex was 10 years older than me. I tell you women fourty and older are even more in thier prime. Us guys are slowing down. I hope when I meet the one I don't get slammed for lower libido.




Your libido and overall zest for life would drastically improve if you got healthier, both physically and mentally. 


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Andy1001 said:


> I’m not being sarcastic but if you want to attract younger (or any) women you need to make the best of what you have.And if this is really you in the photo you have a lot to learn.
> Start with your hair,you look like a younger version of Trump with that semi comb over.And you don’t have brown hair with natural grey highlights dude,you have grey hair.Go to a good hairstylist and take their advice an a proper style to suit your face.
> Go to an upmarket clothes store,stay away from Walmart.Get either a twenty something female or even better a gay male assistant to help you select some new clothes and stay away from the ensemble you are wearing.
> If you are tempted to try online dating get some better photographs taken than the one you are using here.Also narrow down your list of likes,you are coming across as desperate.
> ...


wow.
Thanks for the advice. I guess I am that 40 y/o virgin movie sterotype. I am going to jump right on it.

Thanks. I knew I needed a make over. I didn't know how to do it. Now I do .Thanks.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Get back on your feet financially, medically and emotionally before you attempt to date. Your post screams that you are not ready.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Yes you are correct Iwill get myself in order so when I am ready I will be.
Thanks


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Ynot said:


> Why on earth would anyone 54 years old want to have children? Why would you curse them? If you started now and got a woman pregnant you would be 55 when they were born and 73 when they graduated from HS, you would spend your 70's paying for college. All of their friends would think how nice it is that "grampa" came to graduation. To me having a kid in my mid 50's would be utter selfishness. Stop pining for the past and start living for today.


You are correct. Live for today.. I will drop the pining.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Davidmidwest said:


> Hi, I am just contemplating. Not confused. Just gaging my spot on the Eriksons scale on aging. Yes. I am working on myself.
> Thanks for writing


Physical age is irrelevant. I'm 58+ yikes, look pretty decent for my age, well educated, fairly well off, but I doubt anyone could put up with my teenager mentality, and I'm not willing to put up with a weekend of retirement community bocci ball or whatever it's called. 

Find me a mid 50s lady that is well educated, no skeletons, and can appreciate me driving my Mini Cooper thru the twisty roads of the Bourbon Trail without panicking and we talk. 

Most single people our age are single for a reason .


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Your libido and overall zest for life would drastically improve if you got healthier, both physically and mentally.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


YES I am working on that....


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Hi Elizebeth. I am in counseling. I call my son regularly weekly to make amends.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Thank. Yes I plan to remain single


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Davidmidwest said:


> Hi, I have a question or feedback.
> Will a woman age 40-65 want a man who may havd diabetes II with slight ED issues. Like not as turgor, but good enough. How would a woman feel about that. Making love is important just as being emotionally connected-intimacy in its truest sense.
> 
> 
> ...


Only way to find out is to go out and look for her.

But I would ask you, gently and carefully, if you are aware of what you are doing. By this I mean...

You're 54. You may find a woman who suits you and who is fine with your life-shortening condition. You get together, you have a decent courtship, you get married, and you have a child. When you're 58. When that child is heading off to college, and needs a solid cash flow stream sending her off into the world, and probably more parental advice on new things - you'll be 78. If the diabetes, or the condition that caused it hasn't killed you.

I can't speak for you. But I would feel very irresponsible if I took this action. In fact, it's why I chose to NOT have children in my 40s, when I thought I was actually with a woman who might be a decent mom. 60 may not sound old (the age I'd be when the child was 20), but from 60 to 70 is a critical time - it's the age of heart attacks, strokes and all manner of unexpected deaths. I learned this from the hospice system I find myself surrounded by these days.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

DustyDog said:


> Only way to find out is to go out and look for her.
> 
> But I would ask you, gently and carefully, if you are aware of what you are doing. By this I mean...
> 
> ...


Dear Dusty,

Yes I gave it a little thought. Not much since I really wanted feedback. Yes it would be selfish on my part. It wouldn't be fair for the child, my spouse too. I appreciate your feedback. Your comments are helpful. I pray that my current lifestyle changes for the better that I still don't die early from it. Your post is eye opening. Thanks


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

For Diabetes control, look for books by Dr Richard Berstein -- basically limit your carbs to no more than 30g per day.


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

I am 47 and there is no way I would date you. Your posts scream you are a hot mess. You want a younger woman but have nothing to offer her. You have health and sexual issues. What are YOU bringing to the table that a younger woman cannot get from a younger man? I dont see any upsides for the woman here.

My suggestion: Work on your health. Type 2 diabetes is reversible with diet. Lose some weight, exercise and get in better health. See a therapist and get your mind straight so you can handle a woman of your own age or older and have some type of successful relationship.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

bkyln309 said:


> I am 47 and there is no way I would date you. Your posts scream you are a hot mess. You want a younger woman but have nothing to offer her. You have health and sexual issues. What are YOU bringing to the table that a younger woman cannot get from a younger man? I dont see any upsides for the woman here.
> 
> 
> 
> My suggestion: Work on your health. Type 2 diabetes is reversible with diet. Lose some weight, exercise and get in better health. See a therapist and get your mind straight so you can handle a woman of your own age or older and have some type of successful relationship.




QFT!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

bkyln309 said:


> I am 47 and there is no way I would date you. Your posts scream you are a hot mess. You want a younger woman but have nothing to offer her. You have health and sexual issues. What are YOU bringing to the table that a younger woman cannot get from a younger man? I dont see any upsides for the woman here.
> 
> My suggestion: Work on your health. Type 2 diabetes is reversible with diet. Lose some weight, exercise and get in better health. See a therapist and get your mind straight so you can handle a woman of your own age or older and have some type of successful relationship.



this


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

David after reading about the issue with your son and grandkids, I am starting to sense if you keep wanting a do-over, a do-over from the relationship with your son's mother, a do-over from the relationship with your most recent ex-wife, etc. 

This may sound like a tall task but in all honestly, from the outside looking in, I would dedicate at least the next portion or so of your life in trying to make right with your son and helping him realize he needs to see his kids. Forget finding the next mate, if you don't pursue with that, I'm afraid when it comes time for you to move on to the next life, you will heavily regret not making a final effort there.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

When I started OLD at the end of last year, it became very apparent that much older men wanted and were hitting on much younger women. Case in point: I'm 40, and was hit on by men in their 50s and 60s. The oldest who approached me was 74. I think the reason for this, and I've heard this A LOT on the TAM boards is this: men will have other men telling them "you're having marital problems? Divorce your wife, and you'll have a women 10+ years younger in no time!"

Although in some cases, this happens, in most cases, this just isn't something that most women would go for. Personally speaking, the only way I would date a man in the 55-60 range is if he were in fantastic shape for his age, or I were desperate and looking for a sugar daddy. Other than that, I will always choose someone much closer to my age.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Ursula said:


> When I started OLD at the end of last year, it became very apparent that much older men wanted and were hitting on much younger women. Case in point: I'm 40, and was hit on by men in their 50s and 60s. The oldest who approached me was 74. I think the reason for this, and I've heard this A LOT on the TAM boards is this: men will have other men telling them "you're having marital problems? Divorce your wife, and you'll have a women 10+ years younger in no time!"
> 
> Although in some cases, this happens, in most cases, this just isn't something that most women would go for. Personally speaking, the only way I would date a man in the 55-60 range is if he were in fantastic shape for his age, or I were desperate and looking for a sugar daddy. Other than that, I will always choose someone much closer to my age.


I second this. I'm in my late 40s. I'm interested in dating someone close to my own age. I also am unsure why men are so sure they will all be able to secure partners a decade or two younger than themselves.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Livvie said:


> I second this. I'm in my late 40s. I'm interested in dating someone close to my own age. I also am unsure why men are so sure they will all be able to secure partners a decade or two younger than themselves.


because many men do date much younger women. I think lots of us see this out in our daily lives. I know I do


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

PigglyWiggly said:


> because many men do date much younger women. I think lots of us see this out in our daily lives. I know I do


This is true and it may be something pushing the wants of the OP but I think it's just that. They see it and they want it but don't understand the means to get there. Just being honest but in a lot of those cases, the older man probably has what we talked about in terms of market value to offer on the dating scene. Whether it be a Kick A$$ personality, $$ in the bank, good looks, etc.

I'm sticking by my advice that David needs to find himself and spend a good deal of time on him vs outwardly looking for a needle in a haystack.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> This is true and it may be something pushing the wants of the OP but I think it's just that. They see it and they want it but don't understand the means to get there. Just being honest but in a lot of those cases, the older man probably has what we talked about in terms of market value to offer on the dating scene. Whether it be a Kick A$$ personality, $$ in the bank, good looks, etc.
> 
> I'm sticking by my advice that David needs to find himself and spend a good deal of time on him vs outwardly looking for a needle in a haystack.


I completely agree with you. You can't have a sugarbaby if you don't have that sugar


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Davidmidwest said:


> I ditched him for a woman who I knew gaslit me, and I knew it from the start. She and her kids at the time when my kid was 13 one week after I got married she shunned him and her kids did the same thing.. I am so angry I sold my soul for a bad marriage _*[edited to add - you sold your son and his future for a bad marriage]*_, a mistake in choices, that got me ill by ignoring my gut.. My kid is mad at me that I didn't rescue him when his mother turned him out to the street. However, he could of gont back to his mom's but he was stuborn. I knew my son was a dud at his age 7 *[what a disgusting statement!! I am sure your attitude and lack of parenting was the cause!]*. I was just part-time weekend dad. *[thats your fault, 100% he needed you, and you failed him miserably]*
> He is mad at me. He has two kids from two different women. He barely sees his kids. The dynamic of the relationship isn't there and never will be.


I am sorry sir, but YOU were the dud. YOU failed your son. To have the gall to want to have more, because he was a "dud" I find disgusting. 

Its far, far past time to start taking responsibility for choices - like three failed marriages and the harm that caused to your family. Like choosing bad women to invite into your child's life. Not protecting your child. Not raising him properly. 

I understand you have regrets, but really there are no "do overs" in life. 

I am glad you seem to come to your senses on this thread - get the idea of young women, more babies, and 4th marriages out of your head. Its ridiculous. 

I really have to wonder where your mind was, to think that marriage number 4, to a woman 20 years younger, so you could start having babies again would be in the slightest bit reasonable.

I was going to ask could you imagine how your son would feel if you started a "new" family after failing him so miserably -but I guess you do not talk to him, nor care about him. He's a dud, time for a new one! Too bad you can't trade him in like a car huh?

Want a "do over" in life? Want to have less regrets? Want to feel better about yourself when you are reaching your final days?

Start cleaning up your messes. Like fixing your relationship with your son, being a grandfather to those who carry your blood. They all need you, they needed you before, and they still need you now - that is IF you can be there for them.

That is how you get rid of regret - by FIXING. A new woman, new babies etc does not make that go away - it is still there. Your son is still there, your mistakes are still there. 

Seriously, time for some introspection. WHY do you make these choices? Why do you get into unhealthy relationships? Why did you fail your son? 

Until you understand WHY these things happened, why you made the choices you have, your are bound to repeat them.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

dang I missed the part about "knew my son was a dud at his age 7"...............yikes!!!


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I shouldnthave said:


> I am sorry sir, but YOU were the dud. YOU failed your son. To have the gall to want to have more, because he was a "dud" I find disgusting.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Yeah. I was pretty livid when I read that yesterday. I had a post that sounded much like it but decided not to send it because I was so angry. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Yeah. I was pretty livid when I read that yesterday. I had a post that sounded much like it but decided not to send it because I was so angry.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


you too? I actually typed out that I had to get out of this thread because the 7 year old comment had me "emotionally compromised" if you will but I deleted it. I am glad i wasn't alone


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

I was too fired up to remain silent. If no one has told this man these things before (which I honestly hope is not the case!) someone had to. 

Now if he HEARS it, is a whole other issue.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

I did respond about it but didn’t hear a peep back about that particular issue. 


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

bkyln309 said:


> I am 47 and there is no way I would date you. Your posts scream you are a hot mess. You want a younger woman but have nothing to offer her. You have health and sexual issues. What are YOU bringing to the table that a younger woman cannot get from a younger man? I dont see any upsides for the woman here.
> 
> My suggestion: Work on your health. Type 2 diabetes is reversible with diet. Lose some weight, exercise and get in better health. See a therapist and get your mind straight so you can handle a woman of your own age or older and have some type of successful relationship.


What are YOU bringing to the table ? What does that mean? What is it that I have to bring a table. I am not a hot mess. Work in progress yes. I am not desparate, Not the worse off, but not a catch either. There are a lot of women who are a hot mess. YEAH I married two of them. I am a lot smarter now.
A lot of women hide it I don't Most people over 45 got too much baggage to marry anyway or so scared they are not williing to take a chance on anything. Time is Short to wait, wait wait, until perfection. Are you doing that. People seem to give good advice that is caring, but some are so bitter they really need to throw zingers....

What is it that I have to have to bring to the table to date you... I haven't dated in over a decade....


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## Mommame2 (Oct 8, 2017)

A dud at age seven. Wow, poor kid never stood a chance. 


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Davidmidwest said:


> There are a lot of women who are a hot mess. YEAH I married two of them.


Okay, so you married two women with issues. Do you think you might have some issues you need to work on too? The reason I ask is you state you married two women who were a "hot mess." I can certainly see getting into one marriage with someone who pulls a bait-and-switch or who just changes into a mess over time. But marrying two messes makes me think you may have some problems yourself, given this is what you married.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Elizabeth001 said:


> I did respond about it but didn’t hear a peep back about that particular issue.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I don't believe in helping a skunk hide it's stripe so no comment about that came from me.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> Okay, so you married two women with issues. Do you think you might have some issues you need to work on too? The reason I ask is you state you married two women who were a "hot mess." I can certainly see getting into one marriage with someone who pulls a bait-and-switch or who just changes into a mess over time. But marrying two messes makes me think you may have some problems yourself, given this is what you married.


Yes Thanks for writing. Yes I am still in therapy, getting better...Thank goodness I got good insurance.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> I don't believe in helping a skunk hide it's stripe so no comment about that came from me.


I refuse to make anyone a priority in my life who considers me nothing more than an option.


You are starting to become A weasil If you can't be kind get off this site.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Just a suggestion, but you might want to get an avatar of something neutral rather than posting your photo. Remaining anonymous can be helpful when discussing emotionally-laden, personal issues.

Just something to ponder.

Another suggestion is you may want to consider using the "ignore" feature if you don't care for what certain posters have to say.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I'm in that age range you are looking for, and to be honest, there are way too many options open to me for me to look at someone 15 years older. The only way I'd become even slightly interested would be if I met him in some kind of social setting and he really just caught my interest in a big way. Like a Jeffrey Dean Morgan look alike or something, lol. Plus, there's no way in hell I'm having a child at my age anyway.


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

breeze said:


> I'm in that age range you are looking for, and to be honest, there are way too many options open to me for me to look at someone 15 years older. The only way I'd become even slightly interested would be if I met him in some kind of social setting and he really just caught my interest in a big way. Like a Jeffrey Dean Morgan look alike or something, lol. Plus, there's no way in hell I'm having a child at my age anyway.


HI Breeze, Thanks for writing. Hows winter down there> Good view. advice and comment. Yes I am working on me. I need to live in the moment and lament on the future and dwell in the past):


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Davidmidwest said:


> Hi, I have a question or feedback.
> Will a woman age 40-65 want a man who may havd diabetes II with slight ED issues. Like not as turgor, but good enough. How would a woman feel about that. Making love is important just as being emotionally connected-intimacy in its truest sense.
> 
> I woul like to meet a woman fifteen to years younger. I am 54. There for I woud select someone age 39 to 43 to have another child with. I want a family. I am a lot wiser, mature, a do-over. I can love better, listen better, provide better although I am poor as a church mouse, but I work hard and a lot. I would hope my mate at a younger age is wiser or equal to my knowledge what a relationship is about. I dream of a do-over, but I will leave that to God to lead me to that opportunity.


I don't have a problem with dating a younger woman (I'm doing it myself). But my thing started with liking each other and then dealing with the age gap. Your question feels like the flip side of a lady asking "I want an older guy so that I don't have to sweat the bills; can I pull it off?" The issue is that you seek a relationship for your needs first. IMO that is a bad way to start a relationship and then you're bringing another life into the mix too.

That said, I think what you want is going to be a tough sell. At 55, how prepared are you to raise a kid into your mid / late 70's? How long do you plan to work? How able are you to keep up physically with the demands of a child? What is the backup plan if you (or, perhaps the mother) gets sick / passes away?

I'd posit most ladies in the age range you seek are not interested in having kids; either they have some and are looking to the next stage in life, or don't want them at all. Further, I'd suggest that a lady that age desiring more children would want someone able to keep up with her and any kids (so, same age or a little younger). So, you can go for it if you want, but I'd strongly suggest making peace with the life you have now and then finding a compatible person.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Livvie said:


> I second this. I'm in my late 40s. I'm interested in dating someone close to my own age. I also am unsure why men are so sure they will all be able to secure partners a decade or two younger than themselves.


Yeah, that surprises me too. My younger GF (-15 years) pursued me and I'm glad she did (we're doing well nearly two years in). And, this happened only because we were acquainted and I caught her eye somehow, and we have a great deal in common that transcends the age gap.

I was hesitant and it took me a while to warm up to it. I can't imagine a guy assuming he can just go out and get a much younger lady and I'd further suggest the guys that do it might just be looking to "hit it and quit it".


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## Davidmidwest (Nov 22, 2016)

DTO said:


> Yeah, that surprises me too. My younger GF (-15 years) pursued me and I'm glad she did (we're doing well nearly two years in). And, this happened only because we were acquainted and I caught her eye somehow, and we have a great deal in common that transcends the age gap.
> 
> I was hesitant and it took me a while to warm up to it. I can't imagine a guy assuming he can just go out and get a much younger lady and I'd further suggest the guys that do it might just be looking to "hit it and quit it".


Hello,
Thank for writing/ Good for you. 40/25 is better than 54/39 That is fantastic that it worked out that way. It is a tough run. Ive made peace.


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