# Boundaries for flirting



## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

Just a general talking point that some couples were all discussing the other day. If you are married how ok is flirting? I understand there are different levels and obviously the ones where u are sexting or something like that is wrong. For example my wife is outgoing and louder anyway but if she is having a few drinks with the girls is it ok if she smiles or is extra friendly to the bartender, waiter or some guy at the bar? Same goes for the husbands. Women will usually get hit on more often so part of our discussion was the double standard of buying a drink for a woman. If u are a married man I doubt any wife would be cool if you bought a drink for a woman. On the other hand most women I have talked to say that if a man offers to buy her a drink at the bar and she clearly lets him know she is married and unavailable then it's perfectly fine to accept that drink. Is the double standard simply a money thing? Just curious people's thoughts.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

If my wife were at a bar and a man offers to buy her a drink and she informed him that she's married, but accepts the drink anyway, I wouldn't like it. It's wrong. 

Telling the guy she's married relieves her guilt, but she likes the attention, so she accepts the drink, which is an unspoken way of telling him to pursue her anyway. 

Having solid boundaries in a marriage is not leaving doors open.


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## tobio (Nov 30, 2010)

Are YOU okay with your wife being extra friendly with the waiter or barman? That is the question.

There's a difference between being friendly and flirting. To me, friendly is being polite and smiling and courteous. Nothing wrong with that. Ie not being rude. Flirting is a different ballpark.

I would not accept a drink from a man if I were out. No way. Maybe it's different over there but here in the UK, in that sort of context, it's an indication of interest to accept a drink. A woman would be giving out the wrong signals if she accepted with no intentions of anything else. Or if she flashed the wedding ring and explained she was taken THEN accepted a drink, her actions are saying something different to her words.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zookeepertomany (Jun 27, 2013)

Flirting with others is unacceptable in our marriage. Friendly talking without posturing and talking is a different thing. I swap impersonal pleasantries with people all the time. 

If a man buys me a drink out of the blue. I simply say no thank,I am married. If he is arrogant enough and buys it for me anyway, I don't drink it. He doesn't control me, I control myself, I keep the power. I simply hand it back to the bar tender or if it was brought to my table I simple flag a waiter down and tell them to take it away.
I have never bought a man a drink as a married women and never would. I would never put myself into that situation.


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## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

What my wife and I agree with is if she is out with a group of girls and a group of guys by them a round of drinks it is ok as long as they know my wife is married and unavailable. It is when it is personal and one on one that it becomes an issue


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## jealoushubby (Oct 7, 2011)

Also I think it is hot to see my wife get hit on if I am with her. Sometimes if we are out on a date night she will go to the bar ny herself and see if she can score a free drink. It's hot bc its nice seeing my wife is desired but in a non threatening way bc I am there with her. Hope that makes sense


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

jealoushubby said:


> if she is out with a group of girls and a group of guys by them a round of drinks


My husband isn't okay with me being out with a group of girls where a group of guys would be buying a round of drinks. 

Oh and we believe NO flirting when married.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

jealoushubby said:


> Also I think it is hot to see my wife get hit on if I am with her. Sometimes if we are out on a date night she will go to the bar ny herself and see if she can score a free drink. It's hot bc its nice seeing my wife is desired but in a non threatening way bc I am there with her. Hope that makes sense


It doesn't really make sense to consider this "hot" except for maybe as some sort of a gateway activity for swinging.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Here's what happens to me when I flirt...even by accident!

I Married a Sex God: 11. This one time…


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## Senior Citizen (Jul 25, 2013)

Flirting by my partner and other women has been an issue in our relationship. I don't mind a little flirting....but not at the expense of your partner. Love the one you're with!


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

jealoushubby said:


> Also I think it is hot to see my wife get hit on if I am with her. Sometimes if we are out on a date night she will go to the bar ny herself and see if she can score a free drink. It's hot bc its nice seeing my wife is desired but in a non threatening way bc I am there with her. Hope that makes sense


As you can see from the posts above, the respondents would not agree with your position. But, Hey! it's your marriage!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

jealoushubby said:


> *Also I think it is hot to see my wife get hit on if I am with her.* Sometimes if we are out on a date night she will go to the bar ny herself and see if she can score a free drink. It's hot bc its nice seeing my wife is desired but in a non threatening way bc I am there with her. Hope that makes sense


And this is why your login is jealous hubby and why all of your threads have this spin to them.

No offense JH but this is a hotwife thing you are flrting with. Some guys like to write about this stuff.

I mean whatever you and your wife agree to assuming this is legit. But you get off on your wife behaving a certain way and getting attention from other men and writing here about it.


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

tobio said:


> Are YOU okay with your wife being extra friendly with the waiter or barman? That is the question.
> 
> There's a difference between being friendly and flirting. To me, friendly is being polite and smiling and courteous. Nothing wrong with that. Ie not being rude. Flirting is a different ballpark.
> 
> ...


The definition of flirting is the trouble in many relationships. I know it is in my own. I think it's important to know people's personalitys change a bit as they age, (want to know they still got it so to speak without crossing any lines - at least that is how I see it) It is also important to discuss with your spouse what you see as flirting, what is ok, not ok, and see if they agree, disagree, and go from there.


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## rogerqbah (Jul 29, 2013)

There's a difference between being friendly and flirting.


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