# My story (orgasmless marriage)



## Flowerbench (Sep 19, 2015)

The title is just the tip of an iceberg, but it tells a lot imo.

I got married at 18 to my ex, who was 25yo at that time. We met in Internet, had LD relationship and no intercourse before marriage (religious reasons). I didn't find him attractive at first but he was funny and (supposedly) mature. I actually tried to break up with him once or twice but he was always so disappointed I just kept going and got used to him.

We dated about a year before marrying. Around 6mo into our relationship he insisted that I (17 at the time) satisfy him orally and with HJs or else he will break up with me. Due to religion this was forbidden and a sin, idk why I was so weak but I played along in fear of losing him and being faced with the fact that he had made me do that stuff to him.

Years go by, kids are born, I try and speak to him about my wants around once or twice a month. I can orgasm easily by myself. He promises to try more but that doesn't last. He doesn't like going down on me or using his hands, it takes too long he says. We still have a regular intercourse twice-thrice a week. Then I discover the joys of flirting online to strange men, have a few crushes (nothing physical but it's still cheating I know). One is special, saying that he is not enabling me to stay in my that obviously is lousy by being available. That gives me courage to start to think about things. I try to talk with my husband, he still doesn't care (also is not much of a provider or a father, yelling at kids, and not keeping any discipline, calling me names and being all around a negative person). 

I separated, moved away with my kids and honestly don't even miss him at all (it's been around 4mo).

I know my faults. I know a big chunk of this rests on my shoulders too, I'm not denying that. I thought about counseling but there are some issues that can't be resolved even in counseling. The other person has to want to change, and even then at some point it just is too late. I should've never married him. It feels like that lame saying "we grew apart". I grew tired of his negativity, when I matured, he didn't. I like to think I loved him at least on some level. Maybe I feel guilty about putting up with him this long (over 10 years) when I didn't have strong feelings for him. Now he is very bitter and resentful, blaming me for everything (he is not even capable of taking kids to him all at once or nights (3 kids, ages 1-9). He has asked two times is this my final decision but in a very hostile way, I have replied that it is. I haven't seen any warmth in his behavior, just selfishness. But, I take all this as a lesson learned about life. And I have my wonderful kids <3.

Idk what I wanted to achieve by writing all this, maybe experiences about people who have been in a similar situation?


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## CarlaRose (Jul 6, 2014)

Your story sounds just like mine:

I left my sexually unsatisfying marriage.
Also married you at 17 but because I was pregnant. He was 19 though.
He was too immature.
And, like you, I never regretted it either. 
Never missed him one bit.

A couple big differences I have to say though is he didn't pressure me like your husband did. He tried very early in our relationship, but I wasn't going to be pressured like that, so I shut that crap down real fast. I do admit he tried to satisfy me. We were both just too young and inexperienced. We didn't know what we were doing, and neither of us had any idea how to satisfy me. I was his first. He was my second. Boy were we stupid. LOL

I'm glad you left him. He sounds too selfish to have to tolerate. if you continue to be like me, you'll discover sexual satisfaction like you never knew existed. I discovered that not all, but most men are eager to please. And, what is more, they like pleasing their woman and enjoy it as much as she enjoys being pleased. 

A bit of advice is to be selective and to stay true to your feelings. Don't make this same mistake again. And, don't allow anyone to pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do.

Some very, very important advice is to keep your mind and your eyes open to look out for your kids. Women and children more susceptible to harm and even death at the hands of mom's boyfriend. You're entering brand new territory, so just imagine if their father didn't care much for his kids, don't expect the men you meet will. Some might but not all will, and some might even be dangerous.

Also a part of this new territory is the very likelihood you will meet guys who also have children. That can be really, really awful so before you enter into a relationship with a man who has kids, read up on it first so you know full well what you are getting into and maybe develop a game plan. Two good books are "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin and "Step Coupling" Jennifer Green & Susan Wisdom. Please believe me, you will need these books. I hate that divorce exists and becomes necessary but since it does, you might as well put in the effort to prepare yourself for what you will very likely encounter because step families are absolutely nothing like original families.

Good luck to you and your kids and hoping you find the love you need.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the above post. 

At this point you have only been divorced a short while. Give yourself some time to heal before getting involved with another man. You will make better choices if you do because you will be less needy.

You married young and had a pretty bad marriage. It might help you to do some things to help you learn more about what it takes to build a good relationship. There are two books that I think would help you: "Love Busters" and "His Needs, Her Needs".

Most of all take care of yourself and your children right now. Build a healthy support system for yourself.


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