# dealing with abuse from youth



## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

I have a time from my youth that I have a very hard time remembering anything about, a period from 5 years old to 10 years old (when my parents divorced). Reminiscing with my younger sisters recently, I noticed them discussing a lot about that period that I don't remember and was really perplexed by this. I started a private FB chat with them yesterday asking about that period and they drop this nugget: "yeah the brain does that to block out the trauma sometimes"
Me: trauma? what trauma?????

They both start to tell me about emotional and physical abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents, most of which, I don't remember. I KNEW there was some reason that I look back on my childhood as very unhappy but I just couldn't figure out why. Now, I know. So, I cried a bit as they told me a few things done to me and I remembered a bit more with them filling in lots of details. Afterwards, I went outside to cut grass and think about it. I cried some more and afterwards kind of felt "over it". Today, I feel fine and thinking about it doesn't make me nearly as emotional as yesterday. I understand why I have some characteristics that I have now (very non-violent) so that understanding is great. Is there anything else I need to do to process this or is it ok to just let it go and move on like any other bad experience from the past? I don't feel like I need anything to move forward. Is this ok and how this works?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

As I've gotten older, it's been easier to let things go. Personally, if one can truly let go, with no questions or resentments, then to me, that's preferable.

Having said that though, in some ways, we want to know why we are the way we are.

I'm currently debating whether or not to be accessed for high functioning autism. My brother and SIL (nurse practitioner) don't believe that I am, and they think my behavior has more to do with early childhood trauma. They can present in similar ways.

To me, it's highly individual, and we should do what brings us satisfaction and peace.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

minimalME said:


> As I've gotten older, it's been easier to let things go. Personally, if one can truly let go, with no questions or resentments, then to me, that's preferable.
> 
> Having said that though, in some ways, we want to know why we are the way we are.
> 
> ...


Thank you for your response. I do feel like i can just let it go now. The information that has come to light has been really useful for helping me understand what made me the person I am today. People do a lot of bad stuff that is rooted in their own suffering and I try to remember that so that I don't become vengeful or carry this around like an anchor. 

Regarding you own situation, if getting assessed brings you some understanding, I think it is a worthwhile pursuit. Even if you are wrong, that's useful data.  Good luck and thanks again for responding.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

PigglyWiggly said:


> I do feel like i can just let it go now. The information that has come to light has been really useful for helping me understand what made me *the person I am today*.


I guess a key question is: is there anything about that person you are today that you want to change? Now that you know how it got that way. If not -- if you are fine with how you are -- then maybe you can just let it go. The alternative would be to re-tell what you've learned to a therapist.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

Laurentium said:


> I guess a key question is: is there anything about that person you are today that you want to change? Now that you know how it got that way. If not -- if you are fine with how you are -- then maybe you can just let it go. The alternative would be to re-tell what you've learned to a therapist.


hmmmm......i see your point. I think I am in good shape mentally and have worked towards being the person i'd like to be for a long time. It seems like letting it go is ok and not going to be harmful to me or anyone else. I feel lucky to be in this position.


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