# Couples Counseling: Day 1



## lessthennone

We had our "evaluation" on Monday. 

I didn't get to say everything I wanted to, but I came out pretty happy with the session. Since it was only an evaluation, he basically asked about our pasts, together and apart. That said, I liked the questions he asked and the suggestions he made. 

I'm sure I could've ended up telling him every time I feel like my wife did wrong, but that wouldn't make fixing it any easier. I think he got the jist. He told us we have good reasons to be together and to be seeing him. We both agreed and were happy with that. 

My ears lit up when he used the words "intimacy exercises". That's a new one to add to my vocabulary. It sounds a whole lot better then trying to get her to watch porn and hope something rubs off. 

Since we didn't get any of his suggestions yet, I'm a little anxious to see where it will go and even try to start improving the two of us. I guess I'm forcing my self to really talk about the issues with her. 

So, on Monday, we decided to snuggle. We ended up kissing for almost an hour, but then it ended. I was a little disappointed that it didn't go further, but I was happy that it happened. On Tuesday, I brought up the term "intimacy exercises". I tried to start a conversation with her, but she got really defensive. Rather then jumping right in and trying to make it better, she wants to wait and see what he has to say and suggest. I wasn't even saying we should look for "intimacy exercises", I was saying it sounded exciting. 

Either way, I think her depression got the best of the conversation, because she said that the reason it hadn't gone further the night before was because I was unshaven. I can understand that, but the reason it didn't happen a few weeks before was because my feet smelled bad. Even after I washed them hoping to recover. 

So you know what I did? I shaved, washed my feet. I suggested some polite ways for her to ask me to shave or wash my feet. Then I snuggled with her and I actually got some. 

This sounds terrible, but intimate moments like that make up for a lot of the stupid stuff that she says. 

Shave? You mean all I had to do was shave and I would've gotten some? I'll be right back!:grin2:


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## Lila

I don't think you should get your hopes up regarding 'intimacy exercises'. These typically mean emotionally connecting activities not necessarily sex. Things like opening up or holding hands or even laughing with each other.


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## lessthennone

Lila said:


> I don't think you should get your hopes up regarding 'intimacy exercises'. These typically mean emotionally connecting activities not necessarily sex. Things like opening up or holding hands or even laughing with each other.


I do think I understand them. I've read about a number of intimacy exercises since Monday. It's a new keyword for me to Google, so I did. No, I'm not expecting a game of strip poker. I'm just trusting that her issues and my issues can be fixed with better communication and more intimacy no matter what your definition of intimacy is. 

Maybe I have low expectations, but they do seem like they should work and also seem a bit exciting. Some of them seemed a bit corny, like using a feather to dust away the walls between us, but others seem like they fit our situation well. Honestly, the feather thing is the only one I rolled my eyes about. 

Our major issue is talking about anything without getting into an argument. These exercises seem to force communication with little opportunity for argument, I hope. Stimulating loving communication, touch and trust. Yeah... Sounds a lot better then what we have now.


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## Lila

lessthennone said:


> I do think I understand them. I've read about a number of intimacy exercises since Monday. It's a new keyword for me to Google, so I did. No, I'm not expecting a game of strip poker. I'm just trusting that her issues and my issues can be fixed with better communication and more intimacy no matter what your definition of intimacy is.
> 
> Maybe I have low expectations, but they do seem like they should work and also seem a bit exciting. Some of them seemed a bit corny, like using a feather to dust away the walls between us, but others seem like they fit our situation well. Honestly, the feather thing is the only one I rolled my eyes about.
> 
> Our major issue is talking about anything without getting into an argument. These exercises seem to force communication with little opportunity for argument, I hope. Stimulating loving communication, touch and trust. Yeah... Sounds a lot better then what we have now.


Going into your counseling sessions with limited expectations or no preconceived ideas will help you avoid disappointment and/or resentment directed towards the therapist. I brought up intimacy therapy because what my husband was told were intimacy exercises by his therapist are different than what you read on the internet. 

If your therapist's definition of intimacy exercises does not match what you know or hope for, don't let that discourage you. Ask him/her their basis behind their recommendation.


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