# Do you feel special in your relationship?



## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Monday morning here and we had such a beautiful weekend. Dinner, just the two of us Friday night at a beautiful restaurant that neither of us had been to before. 
Party at a friends house Saturday night. Spent the day just hanging out together in the garden. 
Our ritual is he makes me cooked brekky every Sunday (as well as whoever else is home) then we had friends over for a BBQ dinner.

Every Sunday when he cooks brekky it reinforces just how lucky I am and how well he treats me. We cook together often during the week and we both do a lot for each other in the normal course of the day but for some reason our Sunday morning ritual makes me feel really special and doted on. 

What do you and your spouse do to spoil the other?


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Mrs.H, I am coming by you next Sunday because I can do with someone making Sunday brunch or breakfast. I will take either.

We do a Sunday brunch because it was the only day we are all together...i cook. But it's lovely sitting down and eating with everyone.

We are early raisers so on the weekends my H makes me tea in bed. Most weekend after doing all the little thi.ngs around the house ...we take a nap. I love those naps. We listen to music and cook a quick dinner. We sit and watch our favorite shows. I love that he us willing to watch my shows.

Some times it feels like it takes too much effort to go out and hang around with people . We have been homebodies this summer. My friends complain that we don't hang out. 

I love that he thinks I am a wonderful and kind person...i am not...just a front. 

It's all the small things he does for me...taking the car to get cleaned and filling it with gas every weekend. Cleaning the front yard. Buying my favorite chocolate. Getting me beautiful pieces of jewellery. Bring me home fruits. Willing to listen to me talk about some book i have been reading about....getting him to learn about something i am learning about. 

Holding my hand in his sleep. Telling me I am beautiful even thou i have gotten fat with menopuse...Telling me how he rush thru his day so he can home home to me.

He is just a wonderful husband and I am so blessed to have him. I look forward to being with him everyday.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I feel special and lucky, she too. Not really sure about a single thing, maybe that she does the hot bev service every morning (I love it) but I’ll cover it if she just doesn’t want to get up yet. Related, she’s having a crappy day today, I know that and am trying to do whatever. She said she appreciates it, she does the same for me when needed, we got each other’s backside.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

I love the small things... the things that are just so special
@brooklynAnn your husband holding your hand in his sleep is beautiful.
@CharlieParker having your partners back is fantastic. It makes the relationship a safe place.


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

I do. Whenever we go out together, he'll periodically turn his head and look at me with just so much tenderness in his eyes, so much that it seems to border on awe. He looks at me the way Romeo must have looked at Juliet. The first time I can remember him looking at me that way was when I walked down the aisle. I remember he saw me appear in my white gown and veil and he shook his head a little, as though he truly couldn't believe we were finally together forever. As though he thought he was dreaming. I will remember that involuntary display of adoration until the day I die, and I always treasure the echoes of it that he still shows me six years later.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

My answer would be sometimes. As much as I love our daily life (we are together 24/7) it doesn’t provide us with much of a chance to miss each other etc. So sometimes I feel just like....I’m the wife, Mom, business owner, nothing special, just being the invisible underware fairy. 

But then many times during the week, out of the blue Mr. Spicy will look at me and say “I love you so much”. He is very verbal and tells me exactly what he is feeling and thinking. Those things make my heart race, and I feel like the most special woman in the world then. 

I guess I’m saying for the most part I just feel normal, but many times a week he makes me feel special, and that’s a reasonable balance for me...


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Haha, underwear fairy...i like that Spicey. Its your normal with abit of spice in it. Sounds wonderful.


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## Handy (Jul 23, 2017)

Sorry, no I don't feel special. I have to take care of my inner and outer self. Sometimes I have to take care of my inner 12 year old self, then I feel special. I now have abilities and skills I didn't have when I was 12.

I cook all of the meals and do lots of other household tasks but not much influences my W to feel loved or love me in return. Some people are just broken. OTH I have a lot to be thankful for just on my own.

It is good to hear about all of the people that DO FEEL special.

Thanks for the big smile "underwear fairy."


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## EllaSuaveterre (Oct 2, 2016)

Handy said:


> Sorry, no I don't feel special. I have to take care of my inner and outer self. Sometimes I have to take care of my inner 12 year old self, then I feel special. I now have abilities and skills I didn't have when I was 12.
> 
> I cook all of the meals and do lots of other household tasks but not much influences my W to feel loved or love me in return. Some people are just broken. OTH I have a lot to be thankful for just on my own.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry for your pain. I truly am.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I felt rather special with my first two wives, but after their adultery/divorce, those feelings disappeared all too quickly!

But despite being the lovable old curmudgeon that I am, I yearn for and have not totally given up on finding those intoxicating feelings once again with some lady who unselfishly shows her love for me, and mine for her!*


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

MrsHolland said:


> Monday morning here and we had such a beautiful weekend. Dinner, just the two of us Friday night at a beautiful restaurant that neither of us had been to before.
> Party at a friends house Saturday night. Spent the day just hanging out together in the garden.
> Our ritual is he makes me cooked brekky every Sunday (as well as whoever else is home) then we had friends over for a BBQ dinner.
> 
> ...


Aww those Sunday breakfast moments are to be cherished. 


What do we do to spoil the other - and - do I feel special in the relationship? 

There's the romantic consideration stuff and being smitten. Then there's the deeper 'I got your back' stuff and that's really where the feeling special comes into it for me. The two elements hand-in-hand, is attentive and engaging. 

Recently we'd been caught up working hard together on our home. I started to feel like I needed him to take me out on a date - I told him this. It didn't need to be elaborate. He said no problem. We had a Saturday night in mind, then friends invited us over so he suggested we make our date night Sunday instead. I wasn't feeling very accommodating and told him I wouldn't be bumped to a Sunday night (whatever that means). 

I didn't know what he thought of this response until the weekend rolled around, and said he was looking forward to taking me out to dinner Saturday night. He booked one of our fave places that we haven't been to in a long time. We had good conversation, laughs, food was divine. Apparently the next date is up to me. I've got a few tricks left in me... lined up something fun this weekend that I think he'll dig.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

no i don't.


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## KaraBoo0723 (Oct 1, 2016)

toblerone said:


> no i don't.




Me either, haven’t in quite a long time


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## growing_weary (Jul 23, 2017)

hah


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Yes, Real Estate makes me feel very special.

I wouldn't say there are any BIG things that he does, but the fact that we are in a RELATIONSHIP when he had sworn off relationships altogether shows me how special he thinks I am. 

When I "lost" my job, he had plans with his friends that night. He went to meet them, had a drink and explained what was going on, and bailed on them to come be with me because he knew how upset I was. He totally surprised me with that one, because I've never had anyone do something like that for me before.

When I locked myself out of my house, and my roommates weren't going to home for hours, I called him while I was sitting on the front porch (because I did have my phone), just so I could talk to him and have something to do to pass the time. What I didn't realize was as soon as I called him, while we were on the phone, he got in his car and drove over to my place and surprised me and took me to get food and hang out at his place, so I wouldn't be alone waiting for my roommates to get home.

I forgot to get my car inspected and I couldn't take off work, so he offered to take my car in and do it for me.

If I've had a bad day, he offers to take me out for karaoke. I love karaoke. He hates it.

I love to cook, and frequently make a big mess while doing it. He insists that I relax after dinner while he cleans up. Which is actually really hard for me, because I always impulsively pitch in and help. But he insists.

He opens doors for me, pulls out my chair, and always holds my hands when we're out walking. He always insists on carrying everything, unless it's too much stuff, in which case he only lets me carry the lightest items. When I come to his place for the weekend, he carries my bags to and from the car.

Sometimes we hold hands while we sleep, or while he's asleep, he'll roll over and spoon me.

He tells me I'm pretty even if I haven't showered for two days and my hair is a mess. But he doesn't just say, "You're pretty." He'll say something like, "I read the other day that just being in the presence of a beautiful woman lowers a man's blood pressure. I feel my blood pressure dropping right now."

If I do something for him, like I put together some Ikea shelves for him a month ago, because he had a lot of work to do, he always tells me how much he appreciates it. And not like, "Hey, I appreciate you doing that." He'll say, I really appreciate you doing those shelves for me. I had a lot of work to do today, and I was kind of stressed out. If I tried to do both the shelves and the work, I would have gotten frustrated and had a really bad day. So thank you for putting them together, and for making my day so much better."

There are more, but I'll just say one more thing... he is always happy to see me, and makes sure that I know it, that seeing me is always the highlight of his day.


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

The only two things my husband does for me on a personal/special level is...he brings me coffee in the morning...and he will clean my car off and warm it up in the winter. He had forgotten a few times to turn it off before he leaves for work and it had been running/idling for an hour before I leave...??. Other than that....nothing. He does not cook. He will only clean if I ask him or tell him. He doesn't clean his car...God forbid he clean mine which we use as the family car. I clean and maintain it myself. He does not spontaneously take me to dinner or the movies or for a Sunday drive to the mountains. For Christmas I get bottles of alcohol...probably because he likes it so much he figures he can benefit from that.

No...I have not felt special or appreciated in a very long time.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

It makes me sad to hear all the people who don't feel appreciated. I wish better things for all of you.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I feel special just because this woman who turned so many away before me, said yes when I proposed. That knowledge has stayed with me for 30 years and tides me through during those times I feel neglected.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

No, unfortunately I don’t


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

Do you all think there is anything to the "5 Love Languages" idea? 

Has anyone not feeling special given the exercises a go? 

[Not a thread-jack hopefully]


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

I have read the Five Love Languages but have not really done the exercises. And...unfortunately...my husband won't read anything above the tv guide or crossword puzzles. I think, for me, my love language would depend on the particular circumstance.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

No, not at all. Actually ready to call it quits. Just waiting for my youngest to get thru high school.


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

I smell princess entitlement...


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Rick Blaine said:


> I smell princess entitlement...


Why?

This about appreciation, not entitlement. It is interesting that you put a negative spin on something positive. Why is that?


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## Rick Blaine (Mar 27, 2017)

MrsHolland said:


> Why?
> 
> This about appreciation, not entitlement. It is interesting that you put a negative spin on something positive. Why is that?


Sorry, Mrs. Holland. I wasn't directing that at you but at a pattern I see in general. I am in a relationship with a gal that is working out great. We meet each other's needs and are in love. We treasure every moment together. So I appreciate the importance of elevating the one you love. I am not bitter. Quite the opposite. I'm in love and ecstatic.

But I have read legions of stories here and elsewhere where women (walk-away wives) have left good men to be with someone who made them feel special. Three out for four divorces are filed by women. Many are looking to be treated like princesses and want the fairytale, not the realty of actually working through problems. Falling out of love isn't a reason to leave your spouse. It's a reason to solve the problem and reignite the flame. The entitlement attitude is a pox on marriage.


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## KaraBoo0723 (Oct 1, 2016)

FeministInPink said:


> Yes, Real Estate makes me feel very special.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




My initial response to this was that I don’t feel special in my marriage, things have been rough for a couple years and I’m losing hope that it will get better. 

This post really made me reconsider my answer. My H does most of these things and more — it’s just easier to focus on the negative than dig deep for the positive. 

Thank you, Mrs. Holland (kinda hard to type that as my xh’s surname was also Holland lol) and Feminist in Pink — thank you for pulling my head up so I can focus on the horizon for a while instead of the mud I’m standing in


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Rick Blaine said:


> Sorry, Mrs. Holland. I wasn't directing that at you but at a pattern I see in general. I am in a relationship with a gal that is working out great. We meet each other's needs and are in love. We treasure every moment together. So I appreciate the importance of elevating the one you love. I am not bitter. Quite the opposite. I'm in love and ecstatic.
> 
> But I have read legions of stories here and elsewhere where women (walk-away wives) have left good men to be with someone who made them feel special. Three out for four divorces are filed by women. Many are looking to be treated like princesses and want the fairytale, not the realty of actually working through problems. Falling out of love isn't a reason to leave your spouse. It's a reason to solve the problem and reignite the flame. The entitlement attitude is a pox on marriage.


OK I understand what you are saying but it is not what this thread is about and put a downer on the mood. 

We are both in our second marriages here (both were 20 odd years) and have now found a place of bliss. There is appreciation in our home from both of us, not one ounce of entitlement. We both not only meet each others needs but go well above _just _meeting them, we excel at it.


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

ABHale said:


> No, not at all. Actually ready to call it quits. Just waiting for my youngest to get thru high school.


I hope you find a happier place some day.


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## David51 (Sep 12, 2017)

Choices.....I am self employed, could be a cash only business if I desired.....I could skip town and continue making a good living but I love my wife and I am rooted here and I am happy here. But my marriage isn’t perfect and I suspect every marriage that is 10 years old or more isn’t perfect either so why do we stay.....now let me say that I do not have affairs and I am certain my wife doesn’t. I like some foreplay before sex ( not a trick pony”). We do not take each other for granted.....no secrets unless planning a surprise birthday. Fantasies are talked out not sprung on her or me at spur of the moment....sometimes we are excited about something we see in print....you need to talk that out....might be a big turn on in the abstract but in the real world may not be appealing. Talk this stuff out before venturing in.....
I have been married for 39 years and it isn’t perfect but is better than some and not as good as others......piss on the others and work on yourselves.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

MrsHolland said:


> I hope you find a happier place some day.


Thank you. 

I do find happiness in my kids and grandkids one day. I don’t think another relationship is in my future, at least i have no desire for one at the present time.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

I feel loved and special just about everyday. One of our many rituals that make me feel special is Saturday morning sex. We really just take our time and enjoy before going out for brunch. There is nothing I enjoy more than an orgasm that leaves me weak for a few minutes or snuggling afterwards.

But he also is daily doing acts of service which is my love language. He makes me hot chai tea just the way I like it.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

This is a very relevant thread for this forum.

Prioritizing one another, showing consideration, knowing what 'special' feels like to our spouse is important for a loving connection. My husband loved the 'date' I planned for the weekend. And, I expressed my appreciation for the various acts of love he's sent my way the last few days. In summary, I think he's awesome. He said he'd record that to have it on-hand. I offered to tell him every day. He said 'Awesome attracts awesome' ......eh, to put a bumper sticker on it, in a 90's Bill & Ted kind of way, 'Be awesome to one another.' 

Being the recipient of awesome haha doesn't mean there's not arguments and frustration and crap too. It's a big old mix of being human and experiencing it together, and hopefully, bringing out the best in one another too. 

* steps down from soap box *


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

heartsbeating said:


> This is a very relevant thread for this forum.
> 
> Prioritizing one another, showing consideration, knowing what 'special' feels like to our spouse is important for a loving connection. My husband loved the 'date' I planned for the weekend. And, I expressed my appreciation for the various acts of love he's sent my way the last few days. In summary, I think he's awesome. He said he'd record that to have it on-hand. I offered to tell him every day. He said 'Awesome attracts awesome' ......eh, to put a bumper sticker on it, in a 90's Bill & Ted kind of way, 'Be awesome to one another.'
> 
> ...


Plenty of frustration, arguments and crap here as well but much awesomeness too :x


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