# Is it cruel to divorce your partner because s/he is LD?



## brownmale (Apr 20, 2015)

Is it cruel to divorce your partner because s/he is LD?

If so, what are the options? From most-fair to least?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I don't see it as cruel. Certainly no crueler than it is to be unhappy and frustrated by lack of sexual intimacy. You are both freed to find someone more compatible. Yes, they may be happy as all their needs may be met in the relationship, but would they prefer not to have to find excuses to turn down sex? And how can they be happy knowing their lack of interest is making their spouse unhappy, unless they are clueless or selfish? If they don't care, it's not cruel to leave them - it's simply pragmatic.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

you're not divorcing because he/she is LD

You would be divorcing because the LD spouse is not participating in a sexual relationship with you.

The withholding of sex is the cruel part. Sex is a wanted and necessary part of any marriage. Most (if not all) religions speak about the importance and the need for sex in marriage 

The divorcing would be a consequence of withholding sex.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

Dude, you need to stick with just one thread. All of these multiple threads about the same exact issue are getting to be a bit ridiculous.


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## ScrambledEggs (Jan 14, 2014)

Lila said:


> :iagree:
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If you keep asking the same question, eventually you will get the answer you want.


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## Kristisha (Apr 29, 2013)

brownmale said:


> Is it cruel to divorce your partner because s/he is LD?
> 
> If so, what are the options? From most-fair to least?


It would be far more cruelest for you to stay if you know that your needs will not be met with your spouse


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Hi Brownmale, 

Two rabbits are being chased by wild dogs but they manage for a while to outrun them. One rabbit looks at the other and mentioned the fact that they are able to multiply so fast that if they can outrun the wolves for just a moment longer, that soon the rabbits will actually have the dogs surrounded. Unfortunately the two rabbits were brothers, and they were soon captured and eaten by the dogs. 

Now sit back and think about that for a moment and ask yourself what the moral of that story might be? ... 

_Even under extraordinary circumstances when all else looks hopeless, you still have to have hope!_








Badsanta


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

Lila said:


> :iagree:
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Well I'll be damned....


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

brownmale said:


> Is it cruel to divorce your partner because s/he is LD?
> 
> If so, what are the options? From most-fair to least?


As someone who was in an SSM and ultimately contemplated divorcing my wife of 37 years, the mother of my children, my best friend, a loyal companion, and a trusted financial partner, I think I have some insights for your question.

However, it is also clear that your posts indicate you are all over the place in your questions and that each post has a limited number of facts associated with it.

I will assume that you really want to know if divorce is cruel.

Divorce is a major life event. In the book Future Shock, they point out that divorce is so significant that it along with the financial chaos that usually follows will likely cause either your and/or your wife to get seriously ill from some form of medical perspective (depression, substance abuse, sleeplessness, high blood pressure, other other stress induced illnesses). 

To come out of a divorce emotionally whole, you need to approach it in a non traditional way, or so I have been told and read. Above all you do not want to do the typical blast your ex as an evil person the cause of the failed marriage, because no matter what, you have a role in the marriage failure. You need to face up to that fact that YOU are part of the PROBLEM, pretty much no matter what your wife has or has not done. 

To do divorce right, you need to first FIX YOURSELF, so that you are no longer part of the marriage problem. That will take several months at the least. Then you need to work on rebuiding your marriage. Once you have tried everything you can, then contemplate divorce. Otherwise at some point in the future you will know that there was more you could have done to save the marriage. 

If you do the above, then divorce is not cruel, but freeing and allowing one of the two of you to find happiness. 

I have read stories about couples who divorced and later realized that they each had a big responsibility in the failure of the marriage, and it wasn't until they cured themself that they were ready to remarry and try again with someone else.

Divorcing your spouse, just because you are unhappy can be cruel to you, a future spouse, your ex and especially any children you have now or may acquire in a future marriage.

Good luck. May I suggest professional marriage counseling with a sex therapist for you and your W.


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