# Need some help =/ maybe t.m.i.?



## stoneygirl (Aug 16, 2012)

This is my first post, I came here because I literally cannot talk to anyone else about this that knows me. I need some input/advice from other people on this. Here I go....about two years ago I found some "toys" my husband had been using on himself while in the shower, well today I found a receipt for a dildo he bought himself a few weeks ago. He has never asked me to use it on him, actually, he even gets irritated when we are messing around and I try to touch him back there. Our relationship is pretty rocky and he complains alot that he is "bored" with our sex. I guess what I want input on is-is he secretly gay or just bi-curious? I don't know what to think anymore and I can't bring myself to talk to him about it because I don't want him to be embarrassed or get defensive about it.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Not my gig but it does not mean he is either bi or gay. Many men enjoy "back door" play especially massaging the prostate. Since he is the one complaining that sex is boring, have you asked him what he'd like to try?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If a lesbian wants to use a dildo, does that mean she's straight or bi-sexual? No, it just means she likes the sensations.

Your sex life will really improve if the two of you can communicate honestly and openly about things like this. I know it's hard, but it's the best way.

C


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

The dildo use is much better as a couple. Not sure why he is refraining from it or not into when you touch him there. Perhaps he is ashamed he feels good back there sexually? I don't think he's gay or bi curious but prob secretly into the way it feels. 

I love when my wife touches me anywhere near there with e fingers or a vibrator. I do not get anywhere near the same feeling if I do it alone while masturbating.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

When you ask him about it, don't say "do you want me to use this on you". Say "I want to use this on you, can I try?" If it's about his desire, then yes he could be embarrassed.

And no, it doesn't mean he's gay. Not at all. Unless he's trying to use it with men. haha.


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## This is my BOOMSTICK! (Aug 16, 2012)

stoneygirl said:


> This is my first post, I came here because I literally cannot talk to anyone else about this that knows me. I need some input/advice from other people on this. Here I go....about two years ago I found some "toys" my husband had been using on himself while in the shower, well today I found a receipt for a dildo he bought himself a few weeks ago. He has never asked me to use it on him, actually, he even gets irritated when we are messing around and I try to touch him back there. *Our relationship is pretty rocky and he complains alot that he is "bored" with our sex.* I guess what I want input on is-is he secretly gay or just bi-curious? I don't know what to think anymore and I can't bring myself to talk to him about it because I don't want him to be embarrassed or get defensive about it.


Out of curiousity, but do you KNOW he's using them on himself, and not having an affair?

Not saying he is, just something to rule out possibly.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Amplexor said:


> Not my gig but it does not mean he is either bi or gay. Many men enjoy "back door" play especially massaging the prostate. Since he is the one complaining that sex is boring, have you asked him what he'd like to try?


You should talk to him about that....just say its a secret between you two. 








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Zatol Ugot? (Mar 5, 2012)

Not sure how long you have been married but if you read more in TAM, you will see that communication is something that is crucial to the good health of a marriage. Things like this can definitely be difficult to talk about. My wife and I have been married 23+ years and we have discovered as the years have gone by that the more open and honest we are about our desires and needs, the better it is. Embarrasement can be a strong emotion but it is nothing compared to the emotions that come along with a marriage falling apart. 
I agree with others that have posted. There is no need to automaticallly assume that he is gay/bi just because he purchased a dildo. Its time for the two of you to sit down and discuss the issue. Make sure you have plenty of time and won't be interrupted. Make sure it is not in the bedroom. Keep it on neutral territory. Do not use an accusatory tone. Do not become defensive. You just want to talk. You want to find out what each other are feeling and why. You may be able to look at this time in a couple of months/years and say that it is when things really turned around for the better in your marriage.


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## Revel (Mar 13, 2012)

I’m about as straight as they come, and I like stimulation down there. My wife uses a slender prostate massager vibrator on me that is truly wonderful, especially when combined with a handjob or a BJ. We’ve tried few toys on me that have been fun, including some hands-free toys that can be used during intercourse. Straight men and gay men have the same set of nerve endings, so it makes sense that we’d have the same set of erogenous zones. Gay men engage in oral sex too, but it doesn’t mean that I’m gay or bi if I enjoy getting a BJ from my wife. I have zero interest in ever doing anything sexual with another guy.

It may still be a touchy subject for your husband. He may be embarrassed that he may like something like that. He may not be comfortable about it with himself, and it may be doubly embarrassed to talk to you about it. However, I think that there is a lot to gain about overcoming these barriers, and gaining the intimacy and trust that it takes to discuss these things. Assuming that you are comfortable with it, you might try letting him know that you’d love to try using it on him. You might say something like, “I saw that you purchased a sex toy, and I’d love to be able to use it on you, if you’d like. I think that it would be exciting and fun.” Maybe he’d want assurances from you that you don’t think that it’s a gay activity. 

He still COULD be gay or bi, but liking anal stimulation does not mean that he is. A previous poster also mentioned the possibility of an affair, and it would be nice to be able to rule that out.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

This is my BOOMSTICK! said:


> Out of curiousity, but do you KNOW he's using them on himself, and not having an affair?
> 
> Not saying he is, just something to rule out possibly.


 I was going to ask this myself.. This is the first thing that popped into my mind when reading OP's post.


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## stoneygirl (Aug 16, 2012)

I am 100% certain he uses it on himself, he's a very difficult person to communicate with so I'm really not sure how to go about asking him if I can use it on him without him getting angry and accusing me of "snooping".


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Rocky relationship, he's bored with sex, doesn't like to communicate & keeping secrets about his toys.

Lots of issues to tackle - maybe with counseling?


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## ElsalGaston (Aug 17, 2012)

it just means she likes the sensations


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## Adex (Aug 1, 2012)

Well, I'm of the opinion that if he uses a dildo on himself, he could be at the least bicurious and maybe gay. It's just not a straight thing to do. Tossing the salad is one thing but sticking something up there? That's a different issue.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

*A lot *of men enjoy anal stimulation. And of those men who are straight, a lot of them are VERY self conscious about revealing that enjoyment. There is absolutely nothing inherently genetic about gay men having a propensity for enjoying anal stimulation more than a straight man. The difference is that the stigma around anal for gay and bi men doesn't exist like it does for straight me. Physiologically men can enjoy incredible pleasure from anal stimulation, _regardless of sexuality_.

You should NOT assume your husband's enjoyment of anal pleasure has a lick to do with his sexuality. If there are other bits of evidence that lead you to believe that, in combination with the discovery of his anal toys, that's another matter. But solely based off the evidence mentioned in the OP there is zero reason to assume your husband ****s, or wants to ****, men.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Adex said:


> Well, I'm of the opinion that if he uses a dildo on himself, he could be at the least bicurious and maybe gay. It's just not a straight thing to do. Tossing the salad is one thing but sticking something up there? That's a different issue.


No.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Adex said:


> Well, I'm of the opinion that if he uses a dildo on himself, he could be at the least bicurious and maybe gay. It's just not a straight thing to do. Tossing the salad is one thing but sticking something up there? That's a different issue.


Uninformed.


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