# What's the quickest way to help wife get over infidelity?



## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

I'll be brief. I've been married to my wife for 6 years. We have 2 sons together. The first 3 years were lovely but the last 3 have been miserable. She lost her sex drive after our second son and stopped giving me sex as often as I'd like. That was usually 3-4 times a week which isn't asking too much. More and more, I grew resentful. I bust my ass everyday for this family so when I need her to put out, she needs to put out. It shouldn't even be a debate about it and it made me angry when she made excuses about being tired or not being in the mood. 

Out of frustration, I jumped on tinder and met a few women. It was nothing serious, just sex. I needed that void filled in my life. I still stayed with my wife and did my duty to her and our sons.

I would usually go on the app in spurts and delete it after getting a few numbers. I got sloppy back in December and forgot to delete the app from my phone. That was my mistake. She went through my phone while I was sleeping and woke me up crying after she saw the messages. 

I couldn't deny anything since she already saw the evidence. I did the right thing and told her the truth. I told her how I've been unhappy with our sex life. I'm a man and I have needs that need to be met. I've convinced her that it won't happen again under the condition that she pleases me as a man for now on. She has agreed to be a better wife and lover for me so that's the direction we are moving in. She knows that she can't live the same lifestyle if we got divorced so she made the right choice. I regularly give her money for her nieces and we had a plan to build her mother a house back in their home country. None of that happens if she does something stupid so it's in her best interest to make this work.

She has been trying to please me but the attempts seem half hearted. It doesn't seem like she's happy. We have been having sex a lot more often but the energy is off. I told her to give me head this morning but it was so lackluster that I made her stop. She broke out crying and told me that she keeps thinking about the cheating and it makes her feel sad. She said she feels I don't love her anymore. 

So this is where I need help. I'm an educated man but I just can't figure this one out. I need a resource for her to get her head on straight and get over this. She is turning me off and it's draining to be around her. If there's a program she can do then I'll put her in it. I need her to get over the fact that I cheated since I told her I'm sorry. She needs to focus on our future and put the past behind us. I'm all ears if anyone has any ideas to help her.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Let her divorce you. You sound like an entitled a-hole without any remorse for what you did. Get over yourself.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Cowboy263 Welcome to TAM. You sound really cold and calculating. Your first reaction was to lie to her about your cheating, but you couldn't because she saw the evidence that you were putting her life at risk of contracting STDs.

Then you bully her into accepting what you did by threatening her.

You need therapy and counselling because you seem to think you are being manly and macho. Nope. You are being a bully, which isn't a good look to present to your children or your wife.

I fear that unless you shape up you could lose your wife, your family and your comfortable lifestyle.

Your wife doesn't need to get her head straight. You need to get your head straight, because your current attitude is heading you and your family toward a disastrous conclusion.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

> That was usually 3-4 times a week which isn't asking too much. More and more, I grew resentful. I bust my ass everyday for this family so when I need her to put out, she needs to put out. It shouldn't even be a debate about it and it made me angry when she made excuses about being tired or not being in the mood.


Wow! Such disrespect for women and the role they play within any marriage.

ya - just do her a FAVOR and divorce her. She deserves to be treated with respect - not like a piece of meat served up whenever YOU decide!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I like the part where you say your mistake was you didn’t delete the app instead of admitting you are just a total douche bag.

Welcome to TAM


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You’re not sorry you did it - you’re sorry you got caught!
And she can’t get over it when your attitude is based on entitlement!

YOU get over it! Stop treating women with disrespect. You need serious, long term help.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

I'm not being a bully. She has a choice. She can leave whenever she wants but she needs to understand that if she's with me, it's on my terms. I can easily have her replaced and she knows that. I have a good job with benefits and I'm an attractive man.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

No… you aren’t! There’s no amount of good looks, charm and money that could make up for that crappy outlook on women.

get over yourself. No one is great when they are an a-hole.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Your solution was to cheat. You aren’t a good father or husband. You’ve ruined your marriage.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Married but Happy said:


> Let her divorce you. You sound like an entitled a-hole without any remorse for what you did. Get over yourself.


I do feel bad that she got hurt but to me, that's life. Somebody somewhere is getting hurt. It just happened to be her this time. I don't know if I was clear but none of this would have happened if she did what she was supposed to be doing. I hate that she is hurt but I don't feel guilty for trying to find my happiness.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

If you want to help her:

1. Pack your stuff and move out.
2. Give her a favorable divorce
3. Be the best Dad you can be to your kids
4. Get yourself sorted, get some counseling, and learn how to and strive to be a better spouse (for your next wife) and person (in general.)


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You’re a frickn ahole. I hope she dumps your pompous ass and never looks back, you’re oathetic


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'm not being a bully. She has a choice. She can leave whenever she wants but she needs to understand that if she's with me, it's on my terms. I can easily have her replaced and she knows that. I have a good job with benefits and I'm an attractive man.


you’re a horrible hunan


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Tdbo said:


> If you want to help her:
> 
> 1. Pack your stuff and move out.
> 2. Give her a favorable divorce
> ...


That's not going to work. First of all, I'm not letting my boys grow up without both mom and dad at home if I can help it. Statistically, kids that come from 2 parent households are more successful than one that aren't. I've seen this first hand since I grew up with both parents in the house. Secondly, I'm here for her and not me. I'm fine and I'm not losing any sleep at night. She's the one that has an issue with getting over it and moving on. I've already apologized to her several times and it's already gotten old. I'm here to get help for her.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Wow, you're a real piece of work or you're here to stir ****. Anyway, to answer your question, the quickest way to heal your wife is definitely this...



Married but Happy said:


> Let her divorce you. You sound like an entitled a-hole without any remorse for what you did. Get over yourself.





Tdbo said:


> If you want to help her:
> 
> 1. Pack your stuff and move out.
> 2. Give her a favorable divorce
> ...


Except 4. You're not marriage material. I'll also add, get snipped and stop reproducing.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> That's not going to work. First of all, I'm not letting my boys grow up without both mom and dad at home if I can help it. Statistically, kids that come from 2 parent households are more successful than one that aren't. I've seen this first hand since I grew up with both parents in the house. Secondly, I'm here for her and not me. I'm fine and I'm not losing any sleep at night. She's the one that has an issue with getting over it and moving on. I've already apologized to her several times and it's already gotten old. I'm here to get help for her.


she doesn’t need help. She doesn’t need you. You don’t love her. You control her. The best thing is to never speak to her again.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'll be brief. I've been married to my wife for 6 years. We have 2 sons together. The first 3 years were lovely but the last 3 have been miserable. She lost her sex drive after our second son and stopped giving me sex as often as I'd like. That was usually 3-4 times a week which isn't asking too much. More and more, I grew resentful. I bust my ass everyday for this family so when I need her to put out, she needs to put out. It shouldn't even be a debate about it and it made me angry when she made excuses about being tired or not being in the mood.
> 
> Out of frustration, I jumped on tinder and met a few women. It was nothing serious, just sex. I needed that void filled in my life. I still stayed with my wife and did my duty to her and our sons.
> 
> ...


You have got to be kidding.

You shouldn't be married. You should be single and hiring hookers.

Divorce your wife and give her a chance at a happy future with another (real) man who can raise your kids for you the right way.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Tell her to come to this site. We'll gladly tell her how to get over it.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'm not being a bully. She has a choice. She can leave whenever she wants but she needs to understand that if she's with me, it's on my terms. I can easily have her replaced and she knows that. I have a good job with benefits and I'm an attractive man.


Attractive? You are not attractive. If I were single, I'd run from a man like you.

There are very few women that would want to have sex 3-4 times per week. Maybe to begin with, but not long term. Most people don't have that high of a sex drive. To blame your behavior on your wife is unconscionable. Your attitude is mean and entitled.

Is she a stay at home (SAHM) mom or does she have an income? If she's a SAHM, I'd recommend that you strongly encourage her to either get a well paying job or go back to school, so she doesn't have to rely on you. It will be better for you, because you won't have to pay as much support. It will also be better for your children, because they won't end up living in poverty. It will be better for your wife, because she won't have to put up with being treated like an object, rather than loved and cherished as a human being. She would be much better off without someone treating her in such a horrible manner.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

snowbum said:


> she doesn’t need help. She doesn’t need you. You don’t love her. You control her. The best thing is to never speak to her again.


With all due respect, I do love her. If i didn't, I wouldn't be here seeking help for her. Maybe i came off too harsh but I really want the best for her. I just need her to understand her place and her duties. That's all. Every relationship has a head and a tail and I'm the head in this one. She already understands that. It's just I need her to shake these feelings of sadness and learn to move on.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> That's not going to work. First of all, I'm not letting my boys grow up without both mom and dad at home if I can help it. Statistically, kids that come from 2 parent households are more successful than one that aren't. I've seen this first hand since I grew up with both parents in the house. Secondly, I'm here for her and not me. I'm fine and I'm not losing any sleep at night. She's the one that has an issue with getting over it and moving on. I've already apologized to her several times and it's already gotten old. I'm here to get help for her.


FYI - kids have a better outcome if you show them what a good dad (man) looks like. I don’t think you are capable honestly.

your Wife doesn’t need help from you! I hope she will find a way to get far away from you. It’s hard to imagine any man has this kind of outlook on what a wife looks like within any marriage.

take your club and head back to your cave!


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Here's a book I recommend you read: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004ZG6UF4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
This lays out exactly what you need to do to help your spouse heal from an affair.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Wow, just wow


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> With all due respect, I do love her. If i didn't, I wouldn't be here seeking help for her. Maybe i came off too harsh but I really want the best for her. I just need her to understand her place and her duties. That's all. Every relationship has a head and a tail and I'm the head in this one. She already understands that. It's just I need her to shake these feelings of sadness and learn to move on.


She should leave your sorry ass. You are a joke


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Cowboy263 said:


> That's not going to work. First of all, I'm not letting my boys grow up without both mom and dad at home if I can help it. Statistically, kids that come from 2 parent households are more successful than one that aren't. I've seen this first hand since I grew up with both parents in the house. Secondly, I'm here for her and not me. I'm fine and I'm not losing any sleep at night. She's the one that has an issue with getting over it and moving on. I've already apologized to her several times and it's already gotten old. I'm here to get help for her.


Good god.
You want to help your wife?
Get the yellow pages and mark the page that lists "Divorce Attorneys"


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You want a woman. To make you look good. You do not care at all about her. You don’t respect her. You actually hate her


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> Wow, you're a real piece of work or you're here to stir ****. Anyway, to answer your question, the quickest way to heal your wife is definitely this...
> 
> 
> 
> Except 4. You're not marriage material. I'll also add, get snipped and stop reproducing.


Regarding #4, I tried to be tactful.
Tact and diplomacy is obviously not in this guy's lexicon.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> With all due respect, I do love her. If i didn't, I wouldn't be here seeking help for her. Maybe i came off too harsh but I really want the best for her. I just need her to understand her place and her duties. That's all. Every relationship has a head and a tail and I'm the head in this one. She already understands that. It's just I need her to shake these feelings of sadness and learn to move on.


This is why TAM is coming unglued on you.

A proper healthy relationship is not what you think it is. You are misguided as they come.

Mutual Respect
Self-Sacrifice
Support her
Treasure her

Are those new words and ideas for you?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I want to say that this can't be real but I know there are people like this out there.


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## JLCP (Aug 18, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> I do feel bad that she got hurt but to me, that's life. Somebody somewhere is getting hurt. It just happened to be her this time. I don't know if I was clear but none of this would have happened if she did what she was supposed to be doing. I hate that she is hurt but I don't feel guilty for trying to find my happiness.


Treating the mother of your children in this manner is incredibly detrimental to your children. It will do immeasurable harm to the children to grow up in your household where you treat their mother like this. I think your children will be better off if you were not around them very much. The ideal solution for your children is for your wife to move with the children to another state.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Tdbo said:


> Regarding #4, I tried to be tactful.
> Tact and diplomacy is obviously not in this guy's lexicon.


I tried to speak to him in his language, so the message would be understood.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

😭
Your poor wife. You don't even think you did anything wrong. You are being mean and demanding. Those are the first things you need to face and deal with, if you actually want your wife to be happy.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

TXTrini said:


> I tried to speak to him in his language, so the message would be understood.


I hope my second post was easier for him to comprehend.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

If you want your wife to heal, send her here. She'll get all the help she needs.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'll be brief. I've been married to my wife for 6 years. We have 2 sons together. The first 3 years were lovely but the last 3 have been miserable. She lost her sex drive after our second son and stopped giving me sex as often as I'd like. That was usually 3-4 times a week which isn't asking too much. More and more, I grew resentful. I bust my ass everyday for this family so when I need her to put out, she needs to put out. It shouldn't even be a debate about it and it made me angry when she made excuses about being tired or not being in the mood.
> 
> Out of frustration, I jumped on tinder and met a few women. It was nothing serious, just sex. I needed that void filled in my life. I still stayed with my wife and did my duty to her and our sons.
> 
> ...


There is no quick way. It will take her as long as it take her to get over it. 
Sometimes they can't get over it.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

JLCP said:


> Treating the mother of your children in this manner is incredibly detrimental to your children. It will do immeasurable harm to the children to grow up in your household where you treat their mother like this. I think your children will be better off if you were not around them very much. The ideal solution for your children is for your wife to move with the children to another state.


Treating her like what? I've never hit her. Never called her a bad name. She doesn't want for anything. She has a car, roof over her head, and food in her belly. Lots of women would love to be in her position but guess what? I chose her. Yes I cheated and although she may view that as disrespect, these things happen sometimes. You are trying to make it seem like I killed somebody. It's not that serious and this stuff happens everyday all over the world. She needs to be grateful that I'm giving her another chance to fix this. I've had other women proposition me to leave but I haven't. It's because I believe in her and I do love her.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'm not being a bully. She has a choice. She can leave whenever she wants but she needs to understand that if she's with me, it's on my terms. I can easily have her replaced and she knows that. I have a good job with benefits and I'm an attractive man.


Most women would say "No, thank you to that." She's not your concubine. Wow. No one is attractive when they are acting like you do and are so entitled and mean.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> Treating her like what? I've never hit her. Never called her a bad name. She doesn't want for anything. She has a car, roof over her head, and food in her belly. Lots of women would love to be in her position but guess what? I chose her. Yes I cheated and although she may view that as disrespect, these things happen sometimes. You are trying to make it seem like I killed somebody. It's not that serious and this stuff happens everyday all over the world. She needs to be grateful that I'm giving her another chance to fix this. I've had other women proposition me to leave but I haven't. It's because I believe in her and I do love her.


Can she go find some nice D to be with? And you would just "get over it"?


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Cynthia said:


> 😭
> Your poor wife. You don't even think you did anything wrong. You are being mean and demanding. Those are the first things you need to face and deal with, if you actually want your wife to be happy.


It's not being mean and demanding. It's called being a man.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's not being mean and demanding. It's called being a man.


Nope.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's not being mean and demanding. It's called being a man.


Nope.

(because it can't be said enough)


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's not being mean and demanding. It's called being a man.


You have no idea what it is to be a man by the sounds of it.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Cowboy263 said:


> Treating her like what? I've never hit her. Never called her a bad name. She doesn't want for anything. She has a car, roof over her head, and food in her belly. Lots of women would love to be in her position but guess what? I chose her. Yes I cheated and although she may view that as disrespect, these things happen sometimes. You are trying to make it seem like I killed somebody. It's not that serious and this stuff happens everyday all over the world. She needs to be grateful that I'm giving her another chance to fix this. I've had other women proposition me to leave but I haven't. It's because I believe in her and I do love her.


So, can she go to Tinder too? Since cheating is not a big deal,in your world view. You have no clue what love is or how to love anyone,maybe not even yourself. 



Cowboy263 said:


> It's not being mean and demanding. It's called being a man.


Serious question... do you have daddy issues? You sound like you has no moral role models.


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## Corgi Mum (10 mo ago)

JLCP said:


> Treating the mother of your children in this manner is incredibly detrimental to your children. It will do immeasurable harm to the children to grow up in your household where you treat their mother like this. *I think your children will be better off if you were not around them very much.* The ideal solution for your children is for your wife to move with the children to another state.


This. God forbid they grow up to be anything like you.

I'll second the recommendation that you stop reproducing.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Nope. Not worth it.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

No one at TAM is going to be on your side dude. We are on your wife’s side.

Cheaters who have remorse and are ready to repent get support here. Cheaters who are arrogant and feel justified in their actions and blame their spouse? They get what you are getting. Namely we tell them how disgusting they are and that their spouse is better off without a lying cheat.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

She should be over it. I mean, it’s been an entire month since she found out. What’s she waiting for already?


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> So, can she go to Tinder too? Since cheating is not a big deal,in your world view. You have no clue what love is or how to love anyone,maybe not even yourself.
> 
> 
> Serious question... do you have daddy issues? You sound like you has no moral role models.


I’d say mummy issue, not daddy one. 😉


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

OP, you're beyond pathetic. I was married to someone just like you, who cheated and reasoned just like you and thought he was God's gift to women. I, too, am an immigrant like your wife (you mentioned "home country" in your post, so I'm guessing she's foreign). You can't treat a fellow human being like that. I hope your wife gains the strength to divorce your bottom, and you'll be free to chase sex to your heart's content. Believe me, she'll wisen up, and you'll be so sorry. Ask me how I know.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain. Nobody has even mentioned how I've been hurt during this while ordeal too. I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. I was being deprived and I acted on my needs as a man. It's simple enough. Had I not did what i did and just kept my mouth shut, I'd be in hear crying about being in a sexless marriage. At least i have the balls to light a fire under her ass and get her onboard. That should be worth something. If i didn't love my wife, I'd be still cheating and daring her to leave. I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Introduce her to someone decent and then they stay and you take a rocket to the moon.

(this is was my nice post by the way).


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> Treating her like what? I've never hit her. Never called her a bad name. She doesn't want for anything. She has a car, roof over her head, and food in her belly. Lots of women would love to be in her position but guess what? I chose her. Yes I cheated and although she may view that as disrespect, these things happen sometimes. You are trying to make it seem like I killed somebody. It's not that serious and this stuff happens everyday all over the world. She needs to be grateful that I'm giving her another chance to fix this. I've had other women proposition me to leave but I haven't. It's because I believe in her and I do love her.


no, love doesn’t look like this. You can’t treat your wife like she is a receptacle for your tool and expect her to be one minute happy about it.
And guess what? The life you’ve described sounds despicable - mainly because your humongous ego is in the way of any way to have a nice life.

all the monetary things are trumped by your lousy outlook on women - and mainly targeted at your wife.

I hope she can leave you and be free of the abuse you subject her to. Yes, cheating is abusive. Especially in the context of your attitude! She is NOT your receptacle!


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain. Nobody has even mentioned how I've been hurt during this while ordeal too. I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. I was being deprived and I acted on my needs as a man. It's simple enough. Had I not did what i did and just kept my mouth shut, I'd be in hear crying about being in a sexless marriage. At least i have the balls to light a fire under her ass and get her onboard. That should be worth something. If i didn't love my wife, I'd be still cheating and daring her to leave. I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again.


Because you're a giant d-bag. If you'd come here complaining about being in a sexless marriage, almost unanimously, you'd have gotten empathy, told to lay down some boundaries with your spouse, and if she didn't make an effort, to file for divorce.

You, instead, chose to be a d-bag. You don't love your wife, you treat her like a possession who owes you things. It's pathetic.

Again, if you want to help her, send her here. She'll get all the help she needs. You'll be divorced, but you'll both be in a healthier place.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's not being mean and demanding. It's called being a man.


No man with this attitude would be anywhere near me. This is not a man. Your attitude is more like an animal.

I hope you don’t have the opportunity to dispel this outlook on your kids as they grow up.


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain. Nobody has even mentioned how I've been hurt during this while ordeal too. I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. I was being deprived and I acted on my needs as a man. It's simple enough. Had I not did what i did and just kept my mouth shut, I'd be in hear crying about being in a sexless marriage. At least i have the balls to light a fire under her ass and get her onboard. That should be worth something. If i didn't love my wife, I'd be still cheating and daring her to leave. I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again.


"Humble"??? "Love your wife"? "Help her?"
Are you for real or just trolling TAMers?

I'll try again.... how have you been hurt? You're having Tinder sex with a wife appliance at home. Did you talk about the lack of sex? How old are your kids? 

Geez, I can't even.🙆‍♀️


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain. Nobody has even mentioned how I've been hurt during this while ordeal too. I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. I was being deprived and I acted on my needs as a man. It's simple enough. Had I not did what i did and just kept my mouth shut, I'd be in hear crying about being in a sexless marriage. At least i have the balls to light a fire under her ass and get her onboard. That should be worth something. If i didn't love my wife, I'd be still cheating and daring her to leave. I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again.


You remind me of a woman who came here.

She only had mediocre sex with her husband and was _determined_ to get some strange. She felt like her husband owed it to her. It was just sex after all. Her husband didn’t want her to be with other men, but she didn’t care because she deserved to play the field. She wants lots of different men.

You and this woman are both entitled, arrogant, selfish, and self-righteous. Marriage is a means to an end. “Love” (real love) is missing.

Cheating on your wife is much much worse than you think it is. It’s emotionally devastating to most people.

But going further, your attitude toward women (your wife) in general is detestable. No one here wants her to be exposed to your type. No one here wants her to stay in this travesty of a marriage.

I wish you could experience one day through her eyes.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

You live in a fantasy land OP. Completely out of touch with reality. There’s no way you can know this though because you can’t see it. But you know there’s some thing off with you, you’ve felt it your whole life. The way people react to you. No one stays around for very long. But you’ll continue on because you know better than anyone.

I’ll tell you this though, people like you end up alone at the end. With nothing.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

There is not one word that you’ve typed that shows you “are humble”.

get some long term intensive professional help - your view of yourself is way out of wack!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain. Nobody has even mentioned how I've been hurt during this while ordeal too. I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. I was being deprived and I acted on my needs as a man. It's simple enough. Had I not did what i did and just kept my mouth shut, I'd be in hear crying about being in a sexless marriage. At least i have the balls to light a fire under her ass and get her onboard. That should be worth something. If i didn't love my wife, I'd be still cheating and daring her to leave. I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again.


You are a villain at least in your wife's life, it's not our fault you can't see it. This entire board does, we have people here from all over the earth all ages and genders and we all see it. You need to ask yourself why you don't.

For instance the title of this thread - What's the "quickest" way to help wife get over infidelity? Not - how can I help my wife heal. Nope, how can I get this **** over with and get back to my life like it was. In other words your wife's pain is an inconvenience.

It's not easy living in a sexless marriage I'm sure, but there was plenty of ways to deal with your sexless marriage besides cheating. Your wife isn't you blow up sex doll either. Do you even understand that you caused your wife pain? Honestly with the way you think why not divorce her and wait for the sexbots, that's what you want anyway. Once your divorce goes through it will be cheaper then getting marrying again anyway. Seriously I hope Andre Tate like guys do this the world will be so much better, but I digress.

What you mean when you say you love your wife is, you feel good and have warm feelings when you think about her. It's entirely self centered and has no loyalty in it. What people like you don't understand is no one wants your discount love. It's more then useless, it's a trap. You present it like a BMW but it has no engine and goes no where, so you waste all this time. I suspect she doesn't want to have sex with you because she knows this is really what you are about.

You should Take this test.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Here is the bottom line. When one spouse cheats (no matter what the reason) it completely ruins everything about that marriage! 
you ruined it ALL!
There is NO WAY your wife can quickly get over it! She will never trust you again. She may never reach a point where she isn’t disgusted by you! No amount of “stuff” you buy her can fix this crap you did to her! You have COMPLETELY broken your wife!
That is only on YOU! YOU did this!

so now you treat her with respect by honoring her. You respect her wishes. If she doesn’t want sex for ten years then you wait - because YOU caused this mess you’ve made! You do everything in your power to lose that ego - it’s killing anything nice about you:

it may take ten years…if you are consistently trying everything you can to EARN her trust back - so THAT is only on you!

and IF you can’t do those things FOR her - then let her be free of your controlling ways - she deserves better.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

You sound like a gem. I hope she leaves you before you completely destroy her. Who the hell raised you???? It’ll be on your terms. Douche is right.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You were raised backwards. Work on that!
Anything you think about women - think the opposite - that would be a place to start.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

This can't be real but ok I'll play.

"I stayed with my wife and sons and did my duty"??

What do you want a trophy for doing what you're SUPPOSED to do!!!!

"That was my MISTAKE" (didn't delete the app from your phone NOT that you were sticking your [email protected] in anything that moves).

"She doesn't seem like she's happy".
YOU THINK!!!!

"She NEEDS to get over this".
She NEEDS to get over YOU!!!!

I could think of a lot of things to call you but the first thing that comes to mind is this.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain. Nobody has even mentioned how I've been hurt during this while ordeal too. I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. I was being deprived and I acted on my needs as a man. It's simple enough. Had I not did what i did and just kept my mouth shut, I'd be in hear crying about being in a sexless marriage. At least i have the balls to light a fire under her ass and get her onboard. That should be worth something. If i didn't love my wife, I'd be still cheating and daring her to leave. I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again.


What’s crazy?


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

sideways said:


> This can't be real but ok I'll play.


I really don’t think this is real either. She’d have to be from a 3rd world or male dominated country to spend even one day with him, even without the cheating!


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

I really hate that I recognize all of this but I guess the one positive is I can help others in the same situation.

This thread is going to continue on in a continuous circle. No resolution, no progress. OP is going to get off on the negative attention and continue in the same manner for as long as we’ll let him because he thinks we are all reacting and it’s all so super special because he’s affecting us so strongly. He’s just that magnetic, we can’t stay away.

The fact of the matter though is he’s actually a very average looking guy with low level intelligence, no game in the bedroom, at the bottom of the totem poll at work and is socially very anxious outside of the house.

He’s using his inside voice right now. The one he uses with his wife behind closed doors. The one he wouldn’t use in front of others, ever, for any reason. He’d totally self sabotage if he did and he knows it.


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## JLCP (Aug 18, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> So, can she go to Tinder too? Since cheating is not a big deal,in your world view.


Perhaps he is advocating for an an open marriage, where the partners can freely seek out others to fulfill their needs. I guess he should prepare himself for his wife to develop relationships with other men. I don’t think he would have a problem with that, since he believes “cheating” is no big deal and it is perfectly acceptable to go outside the marriage to fulfill your needs.
On a side note though, I think if he is not into an open marriage he should prepare himself. I think there is a strong possibility of his wife having a revenge affair.


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## JLCP (Aug 18, 2021)

Luckylucky said:


> I’d say mummy issue, not daddy one. 😉


yep


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

No man would be good in bed with this selfish and entitled attitude. It just isn’t possible for him to be a good lay - all he is capable of thinking about is himself - and that alone makes him a crappy bed partner.

so you’ve shown your cards of just how awful you must be as a partner.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Beach123 said:


> Here is the bottom line. When one spouse cheats (no matter what the reason) it completely ruins everything about that marriage!
> you ruined it ALL!
> There is NO WAY your wife can quickly get over it! She will never trust you again. She may never reach a point where she isn’t disgusted by you! No amount of “stuff” you buy her can fix this crap you did to her! You have COMPLETELY broken your wife!
> That is only on YOU! YOU did this!
> ...


I get that she is hurt. I won't argue with that. What I'm saying is that I was hurt too by her neglect in the bedroom. I could sit around being bitter about the lack of sex but I'm not. I'm over it. We're even now and I've forgiven her. I don't understand why I can't get that same energy back from her. If she truly loves me which I know she does, she should put it behind us and move on. Just as I've put her sex neglect behind me. 

I will not give her 10 years to get over it. Life is too short for that. Also, I'll say that she knew what she was getting into when we got married. We have traditional gender roles in my house although I have nothing against anyone that runs their house differently. In the past, I've felt used. I feel that she got too comfortable and decided she didn't need to please me as before since I'm locked in. If I was not doing my duties as a father and husband. I could understand why she would want to step outside the marriage to get that void filled. The truth is that I've went above and beyond to make her and her family happy. 

Yes, she's not from our country. She's from Venezuela. She's had a tough life and I brought her out of the slums. I paid her rent for almost 2 years straight. I fully furnished the house and gave her a monthly allowance. I took her family on vacations. I gave her money to start a business that ultimately failed. I paid for her tuition at culinary school and she never finished. I helped her remove toxic friends from her life. I bent over backwards to make her happy. Whether you want to admit it or not, every woman in the world would jump at the chance to be with a man like me. Any other woman would already be on their knees ready to go to work when I walk through the door but she has gotten comfortable since we have children and we are married. She needed to be reminded who's in charge. That's why I don't regret cheating one bit and I'd do it again if it was necessary.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

The quickest way to get over your infidelity? I'd suggest finding her a better husband or how about setting up a tinder profile for her so she can even the score? Seriously, she sure drew the short straw when it comes to partners.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Tell her to come to this site. We'll gladly tell her how to get over it.


^^^this^^^!


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

From your last post - you really don’t get it.
I can’t help stupid - you are way beyond being capable of receiving help. It’s all about you. 😡 You are your worst enemy.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cowboy263 said:


> I get that she is hurt. I won't argue with that. What I'm saying is that I was hurt too by her neglect in the bedroom. I could sit around being bitter about the lack of sex but I'm not. I'm over it. We're even now and I've forgiven her. I don't understand why I can't get that same energy back from her. If she truly loves me which I know she does, she should put it behind us and move on. Just as I've put her sex neglect behind me.
> 
> I will not give her 10 years to get over it. Life is too short for that. Also, I'll say that she knew what she was getting into when we got married. We have traditional gender roles in my house although I have nothing against anyone that runs their house differently. In the past, I've felt used. I feel that she got too comfortable and decided she didn't need to please me as before since I'm locked in. If I was not doing my duties as a father and husband. I could understand why she would want to step outside the marriage to get that void filled. The truth is that I've went above and beyond to make her and her family happy.
> 
> Yes, she's not from our country. She's from Venezuela. She's had a tough life and I brought her out of the slums. I paid her rent for almost 2 years straight. I fully furnished the house and gave her a monthly allowance. I took her family on vacations. I gave her money to start a business that ultimately failed. I paid for her tuition at culinary school and she never finished. I helped her remove toxic friends from her life. I bent over backwards to make her happy. Whether you want to admit it or not, every woman in the world would jump at the chance to be with a man like me. Any other woman would already be on their knees ready to go to work when I walk through the door but she has gotten comfortable since we have children and we are married. She needed to be reminded who's in charge. That's why I don't regret cheating one bit and I'd do it again if it was necessary.


Any woman would be on her knees just because you went to work to provide for your family?!? Omg you are so clueless.

How about this. Stop whining here and go tell her she has one week to get over it or you’re out. That way you can prove to her exactly who you are and she can make the right choice.

You’re right you can’t wait ten years to go get all that sex from all those women so just put the ultimatum to her and get it over with.

Good luck in divorce court, I hope she wrecks you.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

> I bent over backwards to make her happy.


I think you meant to type:
I bent over backwards to disrespect and disregard her.

there - I fixed it for you to show reality.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

It really is something to see this in action. You hear about people like this but when you see it for real, it’s just mind blowing lol!

I’m out. You guys have fun with him 😆


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## Woundidwife (4 mo ago)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'm not being a bully. She has a choice. She can leave whenever she wants but she needs to understand that if she's with me, it's on my terms. I can easily have her replaced and she knows that. I have a good job with benefits and I'm an attractive man.


Let her go.


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## Woundidwife (4 mo ago)

Cowboy263 said:


> That's not going to work. First of all, I'm not letting my boys grow up without both mom and dad at home if I can help it. Statistically, kids that come from 2 parent households are more successful than one that aren't. I've seen this first hand since I grew up with both parents in the house. Secondly, I'm here for her and not me. I'm fine and I'm not losing any sleep at night. She's the one that has an issue with getting over it and moving on. I've already apologized to her several times and it's already gotten old. I'm here to get help for her.


Please send her here to get help. WE WILL DEFINITELY HELP HER.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Beach123 said:


> No man would be good in bed with this selfish and entitled attitude. It just isn’t possible for him to be a good lay - all he is capable of thinking about is himself - and that alone makes him a crappy bed partner.
> 
> so you’ve shown your cards of just how awful you must be as a partner.


You're wrong actually. I'm no Ron Jeremy but I'm definitely up there in size. I've never had a woman complain about my size or skills. Not even one and that's dating all the way back to middle school.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I was advised once that the more outrageous the story is the greater likelihood it is that it's not real.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Cowboy263 said:


> You're wrong actually. I'm no Ron Jeremy but I'm definitely up there in size. I've never had a woman complain about my size or skills. Not even one and that's dating all the way back to middle school.


To your face.


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Cowboy263 said:


> You're wrong actually. I'm no Ron Jeremy but I'm definitely up there in size. I've never had a woman complain about my size or skills. Not even one and that's dating all the way back to middle school.


So let her go already! You have a laundry list of complaints...lack of sex, unforgiven for cheating, you're a good provider, heck, she should be grateful you got her out of Venezuela and helped her financially. She's a horrible, terrible person for being ungrateful and not supplying on demand sex!
Let her go, there are countless women who'd give a boob for your size and skills! Go find one!


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> You're wrong actually. I'm no Ron Jeremy but I'm definitely up there in size. I've never had a woman complain about my size or skills. Not even one and that's dating all the way back to middle school.


that’s how little you know about being a good lover. It has nothing to do with size - and really not much to do about skill.
When any man is this selfish and self centered and arrogant along with entitled - there is no possible way he could be anything close to being a good loving partner/lover.

it isn’t possible. So your attitude - once again - ruins the possibility of you being a good partner.

I give it to you though - you are consistent. Consistently disappointing…

thinking too much of YOUR needs/YOUR wants/YOUR desires will always equate to a lousy lousy lover.

and don’t get me started on your money - who cares if you have money when you treat her like dirt under your shoe?


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## Woundidwife (4 mo ago)

Okay, everyone. 
Here’s the scoop:

1. We have established that the dude is definitely a narcissist. 
2. His ego is getting off on our replies, because he needs the attention. (Refer back to #1.)
3. The only way to beat a narcissist is to call him/her out and/or remove the attention. (We HAVE called him out, however that will only make him angrier, and he will likely take it out on his poor wife.)
4. Unfortunately, his wife is in this horrible emotionally and sexually abusive marriage, and we all feel terrible for her, but unless she tells someone or gets on here herself, she will not get any help or be able to escape.

…and so I am checking out. I can’t contribute to this nonsense anymore.


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## Woundidwife (4 mo ago)

Cowboy263 said:


> You're wrong actually. I'm no Ron Jeremy but I'm definitely up there in size. I've never had a woman complain about my size or skills. Not even one and that's dating all the way back to middle school.


🙄🤣 Yeah. Right.

(Why isn’t there an eyeroll emoji on the likes option?!)


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

Woundidwife said:


> Okay, everyone.
> Here’s the scoop:
> 
> 1. We have established that the dude is definitely a narcissist.
> ...


Agreed..I'm with wounded wife. I'm out too...here's to hoping the wife heals from this betrayal, regains her strength, and tells OP to take a piss in the wind.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

What else can I say that hasn't been said. Nonetheless, since you asked.

1. You need to understand that your wife hormonally, emotionally, has changed after the second child was born. It happens to a lot of women. It's not her fault. That's the price a lot of couples pay for bringing a new life to this world. Moreover, taking care of the children and the household is also tiring. For a woman at the of the day, there's no much energy left, least of all to think about sex.

You need to understand that the way you will get your wife receptive is by wooing her through the day with acts of service and emotional bonding. Not by being a ****ing asshole demanding sex, regardless of her state of mind and how tired she might be. No even prostitutes put up with that ****.

I think that if you were to have sex with another man, and you come on to him in the way you do to your wife, most likely he would ****ing punch you in the mouth.

In order for you to help your wife, you need to get first some empathy towards females, then you would be able to understand what to do in order to make your wife to want you, rather than put-up because she knows that she must, or else.

Lastly, you would do great in a society like Aghfanistan or Saudi Arabia, since you wouldn't have an issue with anybody over there as far as the way you treat and look upon your possession, er...I mean wife.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Woundidwife said:


> Okay, everyone.
> Here’s the scoop:
> 
> 1. We have established that the dude is definitely a narcissist.
> ...


I'm not angry at all. My wife is not being abused either. I really appreciate the help though. Now don't let the door hit you on the way out.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> I do feel bad that she got hurt but to me, that's life. Somebody somewhere is getting hurt. It just happened to be her this time. I don't know if I was clear but none of this would have happened if she did what she was supposed to be doing. I hate that she is hurt but I don't feel guilty for trying to find my happiness.


By your reasoning, then you should realize that YOU got hurt when SHE wouldn't have sex with you, and that's life. YOU should have been doing what YOU were supposed to and not cheating on her. You are a lousy husband and father. What a great example to your children of how to be a good loving husband.

IF you really felt that way and had ANY morals or integrity, you should have communicated with her, and if nothing worked, divorce her BEFORE you started having sex with other women.
WOW you are entitled.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'm not angry at all. My wife is not being abused either. I really appreciate the help though. Now don't let the door hit you on the way out.


Your wife IS being abused. Cheating on her is about the most Emotionally abusive thing a spouse can do to their partner.
OK, you don't beat her -- bully for you, but you are an AWFUL abuser of your wife.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

@Cowboy263 - How is the reception different from your expectations? You seem pretty sharp; surely you vetted TAM prior to posting and should have expected the comments you’d be getting?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Please divorce her - she deserves that.

don’t ever marry again. You are not long term compatible with women - or any woman.

buy a few blow up dolls. They will fulfill your needs.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Sex with you must be awesome! Reminds me of a sopranos scene where a guy was holding a loaded gun to a woman’s head while banging her from behind.


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## elliblue (7 mo ago)

Who are you? Joseph Fritzel annoying people on the internet from your cell?

This is not funny. This is serious abuse what is happening to your wife. 

If you really have wife and children, they should leave and your wife should never leave you alone with the children.

God knows if you are telling the whole truth about your relationship and what you are doing also to the women you met through dating apps. But what you said is already enough and you already crossed the line.

I wouldn't be surprised if you end up being sued for rape or if that already happened to you.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)




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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Surely this isn't real? No one could be this clueless could they????


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

You're either a Troll or a total narcissist. 
I get frustrated and even depressed when my wife won't have sex with me as much as I'd like, but I wouldn't jump on Tinder. The pain is real though, I don't think women understand the extreme frustration and hurt a man can feel over this, all this modern 'the sexes are completely identical' thinking really doesn't help.

What you do when you're frustrated is talk to her, explain your feelings and try work towards compromise. My Son is nearly 2 and was born with a health issue that is completely resolved now, but has trouble sleeping as a result. He still sleeps in our bed because of this, and I hate it. But I do recognize it's what's best for him and he'd just lie awake in his own bed. 
We are maybe once a weekers right now and it drives me absolutely nuts. Sometimes I have very negative thoughts, but I always pull myself out of it. He's nearly going into his own bed and then things will drastically improve.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> She doesn't want for anything. She has a car, roof over her head, and food in her belly. Lots of women would love to be in her position


You're right there, a lot of women would...not with a 'charmer' like you though.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> She has a choice. She can leave whenever she wants but she needs to understand that if she's with me, it's on my terms. I can easily have her replaced and she knows that.


Wow.

I've said before, I do try to treat posts as real, but sometimes it's hard.

And to be clear, it's not that he cheated. That's common. And it's not even that he wants her to "get over it" as fast as possible. I see that from time to time. There are always those people who say "we just need to put the past behind us..." when they've done wrong. What's hard to believe is the complete absence of remorse.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> You're wrong actually. I'm no Ron Jeremy but I'm definitely up there in size. I've never had a woman complain about my size or skills. Not even one and that's dating all the way back to middle school.


Don't you go putting yourself down now, I would imagine you are much,much bigger and better than that old has-been RJ.
How could any woman resist you. I'm even starting to fancy you a bit, and I'm a hetrosexual guy (that means I'm not gay in case you didn't know that word)


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## DaringGreatly (7 mo ago)

This thread really made my morning. Thanks for the entertainment. You managed to single handle unite the whole of TAM in favour of the wife you think you bought and paid for. 

The best help you can give your wife (if she exists) is to make her her own account on TAM and we can all set her straight and tell her what she should do next. 

N.b. I especially enjoyed the part where you told her to give you head and then stopped her because she wasn't enthusiastic enough. Maybe she needs a pay rise. 

If she gets her own account a suggested username is Mrs Troll so we can easily identify her.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> Whether you want to admit it or not, every woman in the world would jump at the chance to be with a man like me. Any other woman would already be on their knees ready to go to work when I walk through the door
> 
> ...That's why I don't regret cheating one bit and I'd do it again if it was necessary.


If you believe that, then go and find one of those "every other woman in the world", fully explain these rules to her ("I'll lie and cheat if I'm sexually dissatisfied") and then choose one to marry.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain.


Yeah .... so why are you still here?


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

DamianDamian said:


> You're either a Troll or a total narcissist.
> I get frustrated and even depressed when my wife won't have sex with me as much as I'd like, but I wouldn't jump on Tinder. The pain is real though, I don't think women understand the extreme frustration and hurt a man can feel over this, all this modern 'the sexes are completely identical' thinking really doesn't help.
> 
> What you do when you're frustrated is talk to her, explain your feelings and try work towards compromise. My Son is nearly 2 and was born with a health issue that is completely resolved now, but has trouble sleeping as a result. He still sleeps in our bed because of this, and I hate it. But I do recognize it's what's best for him and he'd just lie awake in his own bed.
> We are maybe once a weekers right now and it drives me absolutely nuts. Sometimes I have very negative thoughts, but I always pull myself out of it. He's nearly going into his own bed and then things will drastically improve.


I'm no troll but at least you seem to get it. A woman withholding sex is like starving a dog to death. It's not fair that she can withhold a basic human right and you are expected to hold it together since it's the right thing to do, according to others. I don't understand what you guys wanted me to do. Was I supposed to walk around the house looking sad and hoping that she'll eventually feel bad for me and give me sex? F* that. I'm a man and I take what's mine. If she is not putting out at home, I have every right to go out and get it elsewhere.

I'm not a bad person. I love my wife and children. My family is still together and I've made sure of that. It would have been shallow for me to divorce her over sex so instead I chose to get it elsewhere. Maybe that wasn't the best decision but it is what it is. I'm not going to sit around and waste the best years of my life because she refuses to please me. The ball is in her court and if she wants this to work, she needs to play ball on my terms. If she did divorce me as others have suggested, she'll eventually end up with another man and be in the exact same boat after withholding sex. Maybe he won't be as nice as me and he leaves her ass the first chance he gets. That's the entire point of me seeking help for her. I'm trying to make her a better person.

As I mentioned before, she's well taken care of. She doesn't work because I'm a provider. Even if she did work, she has the luxury of blowing her money and even quitting because I'm here to take care of her. As a man, I don't have that option. I have a responsibility to her and my kids. Any woman in that position should be grateful. Men aren't hard to please. As long as I'm coming home to a clean house, kids fed, and my nuts drained, I'm happy. That is definitely not too much to ask for.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Married but Happy said:


> Let her divorce you. You sound like an entitled a-hole without any remorse for what you did. Get over yourself.


I thought the exact same thing. This OP is NOT nice. Very selfish. Doesn't seem to be remorseful and has a huge sense of entitlement. As if his wife is just supposed to cater to him.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Cowboy263 said:


> Statistically, kids that come from 2 parent households are more successful than one that aren't. I've seen this first hand since I grew up with both parents in the house.


And you turned out so well..........


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Your wife isn’t for you to own. She isn’t a possession.

I don’t know one single gal that would be interested in a schmuck like you. It’s disgusting the way you list the requirements you make from your wife.

she likely doesn’t have sex with you because she’s angry and disgusted with your attitude.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

This isn't going the way I thought and that's fine. I'm looking for help but instead I'm being torn down. I'll find her the help she needs. I appreciate your time.


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## Bounceback67 (9 mo ago)

This has to be a joke, the guy is probably a
300 lb Virgin who lives with his Mother he's just pushing our buttons 😅


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

I truly hope we are being punked right now. It's hard to believe there are actually people like the OP out there.Even harder to believe anyone would marry one.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Tested_by_stress said:


> I truly hope we are being punked right now. It's hard to believe there are actually people like the OP out there.Even harder to believe anyone would marry one.


I really don't think so.

OP says he's got a d1ck that Ron Jeremy would go cross eyed over, and women think he's the best thing they've ever had...why would he make anything up?


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'm no troll but at least you seem to get it. A woman withholding sex is like starving a dog to death.
> 
> If she did divorce me as others have suggested, she'll eventually end up with another man and be in the exact same boat after withholding sex. Maybe he won't be as nice as me and he leaves her ass the first chance he gets. That's the entire point of me seeking help for her. I'm trying to make her a better person.
> 
> As long as I'm coming home to a clean house, kids fed, and my nuts drained, I'm happy.


*LOL*

Thank you for taking my mind off of politics for a bit.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Tested_by_stress said:


> I truly hope we are being punked right now. It's hard to believe there are actually people like the OP out there.Even harder to believe anyone would marry one.


I personally think it's a fake post, that's just my take on it.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I hate the term "toxic masculinity".

I would set aside that hate in describing you.



_Lilith-_


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> I love my wife and children.


The problem can be summarized if I fix this ^^^ statement for you.

"_I love my wife and children as long as they do what I want and perform to my expectations_"

That's why you're unhappy now. You don't give your wife the right to have her own expectations of you.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

SunCMars said:


> I hate the term "toxic masculinity".
> 
> I would set aside that hate in describing you.
> 
> ...


That's a big assumption that he is a man


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

GC1234 said:


> I personally think it's a fake post, that's just my take on it.


Actually, you hope it is!

As @Not herself, intuitively stated, this is his inner cave man voice speaking.

Some share of men do think this way, but know better than ever to express this out loud.

I see this as his _porn-soaked brain_ speaking, just more of that fantasy.

He needs to tone down the voice that hides behind his zipper.
The penis has its place, but his is, _front and center_, in all his thinking.

Not, a healthy way to live.

Wives are partners, not sex appliances.



_King Brian-_


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Unfortunately, I do believe this guy is the real deal. The lack of remorse and inability to focus on anything but himself is so in your face. And nothing is his fault. But for me, the most obvious part is how he paints himself as the saint and victim at the same time.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Not said:


> Unfortunately, I do believe this guy is the real deal. The lack of remorse and inability to focus on anything but himself is so in your face. And nothing is his fault. But for me, the most obvious part is how he paints himself as the saint and victim at the same time.


Textbook narcissist


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Not said:


> Unfortunately, I do believe this guy is the real deal. The lack of remorse and inability to focus on anything but himself is so in your face. And nothing is his fault. But for me, the most obvious part is how he paints himself as the saint and victim at the same time.


Can this be Narcissism at its pinnacle?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'll be brief. I've been married to my wife for 6 years. We have 2 sons together. The first 3 years were lovely but the last 3 have been miserable. She lost her sex drive after our second son and *stopped giving me sex as often as I'd like*. *That was usually 3-4 times a week which isn't asking too much. More and more, I grew resentful. I bust my ass everyday for this family so when I need her to put out, she needs to put out.* It shouldn't even be a debate about it and it made me angry when she made excuses about being tired or not being in the mood.
> 
> Out of frustration, I jumped on tinder and met a few women. *It was nothing serious, just sex*. I needed that void filled in my life. I still stayed with my wife and *did my duty to her and our sons.*
> 
> ...


I think the best thing you could do to help your wife would be to get yourself into two types of counseling. The first would be from someone who is a practitioner/priest/minister/pastor in a religion to work on your morals and ethics. The second would be for you to get some counseling that is especially focused on you feeling of entitlement.

I have never read anything quite as extreme. I am not going to wade through all of the pages of comments as I am certain others will be as horrified as I am.

A few lessons learned over 51 years of marriage. You should not force your wife to do anything she absolutely doesn't want to do for you, You kind of observed that when you ordered her to give you oral sex. You have also observed that in telling her to "put out" and that if she doesn't keep you sexually satisfied you will financially hurt her and her family.

You need to do some serious introspection on your relationship with your wife. What vows of marriage did you commit to? You do understand that most women with small children are sleep deprived and feel like their small children are constantly touching them and demanding their attention all day long. Studies show that for up to 6 years after the birth of a child one or both parents are sleep deprived and exhausted.

Personally, your post sounds like that of a bully who would be better off with a prostitute than a wife, at least that would be my opinion, if your wife was my sister. I would also advise her to divorce you. Again, good luck to your wife, I hope she finds happiness.

Since you are an educated person, get yourself to at least one or maybe two counselors. Good luck to your wife.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> Can this be Narcissism at its pinnacle?


I was thinking about that and I think so. He’s dead serious about all he’s shared here. He fully believes all of it and is truly surprised that no one “gets it”.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Cowboy263 said:


> *I'm no troll* but at least you seem to get it. A woman withholding sex is like starving a dog to death. It's not fair that she can *withhold a basic human right* and you are expected to hold it together since it's the right thing to do, according to others.
> 
> .... *I love my wife and children. My family is still together and I've made sure of that*. It would have *been shallow for me to divorce her over sex so instead I chose to get it elsewhere.* Maybe that wasn't the best decision but it is what it is. *I'm not going to sit around and waste the best years of my life because she refuses to please me*. The ball is in her court and if she wants this to work, *she needs to play ball on my terms*. If she did divorce me as others have suggested, she'll eventually end up with another man and be in the exact same boat after withholding sex. Maybe he won't be as nice as me and he leaves her ass the first chance he gets. That's the entire point of me seeking help for her. *I'm trying to make her a better person.*
> 
> As I mentioned before, she's well taken care of. She doesn't work because I'm a provider. Even if she did work, she has the luxury of blowing her money and even quitting because I'm here to take care of her. As a man, I don't have that option. I have a responsibility to her and my kids. *Any woman in that position should be grateful*. Men aren't hard to please. As long as I'm coming home to a clean house, kids fed, and my nuts drained,* I'm happy. *That is definitely not too much to ask for.


A few thoughts. I am glad you said, "*I'm no troll." Although, I am not 100% sure.*

What do you think makes her happy? You stated what makes you happy. Does your wife deserve to be happy? What if some of the things that make her happy conflict with yours? Do you know how much you wife would be paid to cook, clean, and perform child care work? She would be able to have quite a salary. 

Since there is an American flag next to your name, I will assume you and your wife live in the USA. If that is the case, should she divorce you she would get half the marital assets, plus alimony and likely child support. You should be nice to her, as she could probably financial wreck your lifestyle. 

Marriage is about learning to live with someone and emotionally bonding with them to go from two individuals into a family unit that can share, bring children into the world, and raise them to be responsible adults.

It is a bad idea to try to make her a better person. She is not your child, she is your wife. Ultimately, you can't change other adults, only they can change themself and only if they want to.

I wish your wife good luck and may she find happiness.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Not said:


> I was thinking about that and I think so. He’s dead serious about all he’s shared here. He fully believes all of it and is truly surprised that no one “gets it”.


The sad part with all of this (if it is real like others have questioned), is that there are so many women out there with men like Rico Suave (OP). If she indeed is from Venezuela, those women are even spicier and have more attitude than I do... and I'm Dominican. Rarely do they ever put up with BS because they know that they can get what they want, when they want it, they also know how to work men. 

OP, you say the ball is in her court... then let her play with it. Selfish of you to say it's in her court but has to be on your terms... then it's not in her court now, is it? 🤔 💭


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## Inside_Looking_Out (Apr 8, 2012)

Cowboy263 said:


> 1.) A woman withholding sex is like starving a dog to death.
> 2.) It's not fair that she can withhold a basic human right and you are expected to hold it together since it's the right thing to do, according to others.
> 3.) I don't understand what you guys wanted me to do. Was I supposed to walk around the house looking sad and hoping that she'll eventually feel bad for me and give me sex?
> 4.) F* that. I'm a man and I take what's mine. If she is not putting out at home, I have every right to go out and get it elsewhere.


1.) Even a dog is smart enough to know how to bark when they are hungry.
2.) It's not a 'human right'. It's something you consensually experience with another human when you show them enough respect, or at least are both on the same page about what your end goals is.
3.) To not be a coward of the lowest level, and say out loud, before stepping out on her, "I need more intimate time with you, if you can not or do not also want that, I will need out of this relationship with you." But cheaters like you are cowards, and rarely ever state that beforehand.
4.) If you have every right over her body, she has every right to glue your appendage to your leg while you are sleeping. It would likely do you some good.
5.) Now that you have gotten a rise out of us all, please go crawl back under your troll rock.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Well, there's a question here that's worth addressing, even for other readers, if OP has gone. 



Cowboy263 said:


> A woman withholding sex is like starving a dog to death. It's not fair that she can withhold a basic human right


Okay. I'm not sure I'd say sex is a "basic human right" exactly, but you feel it was of the essence of the agreement you had with your wife, and it was withdrawn unilaterally. Many men experience that and they feel that it's unfair. I can understand that: _"How come I'm not allowed to withdraw the money, but she can withdraw the sex?"_



> I don't understand what you guys wanted me to do.


Basically: talk about it. Talk to a sex therapist. Ask her what's up. Listen. Don't unilaterally get it elsewhere. Make her feel that it's safe to tell you what's up with her. That means taking all threats off the table, so she can talk. 



> If she is not putting out at home, I have every right to go out and get it elsewhere.


How so? Was that part of your mutual agreement originally? That's not how marriage is normally understood. I'm not sure what your construct of "rights" is. 



> Maybe that wasn't the best decision but it is what it is.


Which is it? You have every right to do it? Or it wasn't the best decision?



> I'm trying to make her a better person.


My main recommendation to what you should have done, is don't think of her as a person who needs to be made better. *Assume she also regrets the lack of sex. *Try to figure out why it's happening. Don't assume it's her "denying your rights" or needing to be a better person, neither of which ideas makes any sense as a causal explanation.


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## JLCP (Aug 18, 2021)

Not said:


> I’ll tell you this though, people like you end up alone at the end. With nothing.


He seems determined to mess not just with his wife, but also his children because they live in this household and can not escape him. He will probably not see his mistakes until they are adults. Unfortunately, they are likely to be messed up. Why? Because he is messing with them. And, he cares only for himself. Ultimately, they will turn their backs on him and he will be a lonely old man with no relationship with his children. At that time, he might be introspective and figure out he made mistakes. But, the mistakes will be too big to repair and he will have missed the chance to connect with his children as they grow up. He will be alone when he figures out that he did something wrong.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> This isn't going the way I thought and that's fine. I'm looking for help but instead I'm being torn down. I'll find her the help she needs. I appreciate your time.


If she needs the help then send HER to this forum and post her story. She will get plenty of help. She really shouldn't have you as an intermediary for her.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Beach123 said:


> No… you aren’t! There’s no amount of good looks, charm and money that could make up for that crappy outlook on women.
> 
> get over yourself. No one is great when they are an a-hole.


If she is squashing sex life totally, some of that is solely her issue to improve or not. If not, then have the gumption to state to H things will never change, and let the chips fall as they may.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

jlg07 said:


> If she needs the help then send HER to this forum and post her story. She will get plenty of help. *She really shouldn't have you as an intermediary for her.*


What do you mean? Do you think he doesn't have her best interests at heart?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Man you are going to get killed in the comments on here.

Were you helping out with the kids and household or just coming home and doing your own thing until you wanted your wife to “put out”?


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

JLCP said:


> He seems determined to mess not just with his wife, but also his children because they live in this household and can not escape him. He will probably not see his mistakes until they are adults. Unfortunately, they are likely to be messed up. Why? Because he is messing with them. And, he cares only for himself. Ultimately, they will turn their backs on him and he will be a lonely old man with no relationship with his children. At that time, he might be introspective and figure out he made mistakes. But, the mistakes will be too big to repair and he will have missed the chance to connect with his children as they grow up. He will be alone when he figures out that he did something wrong.


If she ever does leave him he'll have to start over with someone else and will realize he can't tell the new woman anything about why his marriage failed so the new relationship will all be built on lies. All lies that will have him looking like the good guy who's been wronged and hurt. This will be a perpetual cycle in his life. Every woman will leave not only because of his behavior but also because of the constant lying that is now required in order for any new woman to accept him in the beginning. Can you imagine living like that? It's insanity.


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

You are the kind of low life that we take down in this forum so welcome to the forum - give your wife the most amicable and equitable divorce possible. And then pray that you have learned something. You did not tell your wife - she found out!!!! The phrase "she should put out" tells us everything we need to know about you.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

I tried my hardest not to respond but here I am. I feel I need to explain myself.

Let's take a step back. What if I came here before I hopped on Tinder and explained how my wife was withholding sex from me. I would have told you how I gave her the life of her dreams and I'm being neglected in the bedroom. I would imagine that I would have been told that I've been hit with the bait and switch. You would have told me that I need to run for the hills if I'm not sexually satisfied. The truth is that I'm here after I've slept with several women. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. Believe it or not, I value family. I want my boys to grow up in a 2 parent household. I'm not going to up and run out on them if they're mother is not giving me what I need. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this relationship work for the sake of them not growing up to be ****ed up like me. 

While we have taken a step back, I'll tell you about me. I'm from the slums of Detroit, West side. I've seen poverty. I've seen death. I've seen my mother selling her body while my father was away. I did 10 years in the military where I've seen more of the same. I currently work as a Firefighter for a large city in Texas. Every single day, I'm expected to be a hero. I meet people on the worse days of their lives. I've pulled people out of fires. I've done CPR on grandma in the bedroom. I've done CPR on a 2 year old just on this past Thanksgiving. Every single ****ing day, I'm expected to fix the lives of people I don't know. I say all that to say that this is a ****ed up world that I've experienced first hand. The last thing I would want is to break up my family and risk my sons going down the same path. The person that mentioned that I'm only like this with my wife is right. I can't be this person at work or out in the community. I have to be the savior that everybody needs. 

It is emasculating to have to be a hero for 24 hours and come home to a woman walking around in panties but is too tired for sex. I am tasked to fixing other people's life but who is fixing mine? Who is here to solve my problems? The truth is that it is no one but me. I have to fix this. So I cheated. Did it with several women. I needed to feel good so I could be in a good place for my family. Some people may see that as wrong but she asked for this. She was the one that cut me off. If it was the right or wrong decision, that's her problem to decide. The truth is that I'm a good man and I ****ing work hard to provide for my family. I often work 100+ hours a week to provide for them.

And believe it or not. I love my wife. I've never connected with a woman the way that me and her connect. She is my soul mate and I want to grow old with her. I've done things that no other man would do. Statistically, I shouldn't be where I am today but yet, here I am. I've made 130k+ for the past several years and I'm grateful for that. She is grateful for that. That's a lot of money for where we live and I earned every single penny of it. All I asked was that she be a traditional woman and provide me with the loving that I need. Reading back through my previous posts, I'm sorry if I came off as being mean. The truth is that I love her. I don't want to see her with another man. Yet, I feel that children can't be raised in a healthy household if one or more parents aren't happy. So I slept with other women after the sex was lacking. I was in a good place up until she found out. 

So going back to my original statement I need her to get over it and love me for me. Love me for the things I do. Make me feel like a king. It isn't much. Like I said, a clean house, fed kids, and sex on a platter is enough for me. Between my salary, retirement, and death benefits, she's set for the rest of her life. That should be worth something. I hate how as a man, I'm expected to break my back to keep the family together but as a woman, she's only expected to do certain things if she feels like it.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

No normal person refers to themselves as a hero. None.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

GC1234 said:


> I personally think it's a fake post, that's just my take on it.


I tend to agree, if you had the OP's attitude you wouldn't come on here seeking advice, because you honestly are too selfish to care how your wife feels anyway. That....and the whole Ron Jeremy reference. Really???


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> I tried my hardest not to respond but here I am. I feel I need to explain myself.
> 
> Let's take a step back. What if I came here before I hopped on Tinder and explained how my wife was withholding sex from me. I would have told you how I gave her the life of her dreams and I'm being neglected in the bedroom. I would imagine that I would have been told that I've been hit with the bait and switch. You would have told me that I need to run for the hills if I'm not sexually satisfied. The truth is that I'm here after I've slept with several women. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. Believe it or not, I value family. I want my boys to grow up in a 2 parent household. I'm not going to up and run out on them if they're mother is not giving me what I need. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this relationship work for the sake of them not growing up to be ****ed up like me.
> 
> ...


All woe is me. You justified your horrendous behavior in your own mind and no one will convince you otherwise. You may love her in some twisted way, but you didn't care one bit about hurting her. You are no hero despite of what you do for a living. You were too much of a coward to do the right thing. Just another weak man IMO. A real man would have either told her, you don't owe me sex, but I'm going to get it somewhere, or you should have divorced her. Instead you took the low road, but it sounds like that is what your parents taught you and now you get to pass that on to your kids.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Zedd said:


> No normal person refers to themselves as a hero. None.


Don't worry, he isn't a hero. He is a coward.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

You people are ****ed up


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'll be brief. I've been married to my wife for 6 years. We have 2 sons together. The first 3 years were lovely but the last 3 have been miserable. She lost her sex drive after our second son and stopped giving me sex as often as I'd like. That was usually 3-4 times a week which isn't asking too much. More and more, I grew resentful. I bust my ass everyday for this family so when I need her to put out, she needs to put out. It shouldn't even be a debate about it and it made me angry when she made excuses about being tired or not being in the mood.
> 
> Out of frustration, I jumped on tinder and met a few women. It was nothing serious, just sex. I needed that void filled in my life. I still stayed with my wife and did my duty to her and our sons.
> 
> ...


Well, I could tell she doesn't feel loved by you before I even got to the part where she told you directly that she doesn't feel loved by you.

I'm not sure you have the ability to do what it takes to repair the damage.

If you're ever in Texas, send me a PM.

I have an exercise program that will change your life and really help your attitude.

You have a tenderness problem with your wife.

I guarantee results.


You will be as tender with her as anyone is capable of after some good ring time and sweat equity.

You may be able to trigger the Nightingale effect in her as she tends to what's left of your body and that would bring you both closer.😉


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Cowboy263 said:


> Treating her like what? I've never hit her. Never called her a bad name. She doesn't want for anything. She has a car, roof over her head, and food in her belly. Lots of women would love to be in her position but guess what? I chose her. Yes I cheated and although she may view that as disrespect, these things happen sometimes. You are trying to make it seem like I killed somebody. It's not that serious and this stuff happens everyday all over the world. She needs to be grateful that I'm giving her another chance to fix this. I've had other women proposition me to leave but I haven't. It's because I believe in her and I do love her.


How would you feel if SHE cheated on you? Would you be willing to meet her demands to fix the problems YOU caused to MAKE her find solace in the arms of another man? I think, in THIS case only, the ONLY way to fix this is for her to cheat on you because you know, these things happen sometimes, it's not that serious. You'd be lucky that she'd give you another chance to fix it. I've had men proposition me too, but I tell them, "No thanks, I'm married." Too bad my husband couldn't do the same, but he doesn't act like you, AT ALL!!!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cowboy263 said:


> I tried my hardest not to respond but here I am. I feel I need to explain myself.
> 
> Let's take a step back. What if I came here before I hopped on Tinder and explained how my wife was withholding sex from me. I would have told you how I gave her the life of her dreams and I'm being neglected in the bedroom. I would imagine that I would have been told that I've been hit with the bait and switch. You would have told me that I need to run for the hills if I'm not sexually satisfied. The truth is that I'm here after I've slept with several women. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. Believe it or not, I value family. I want my boys to grow up in a 2 parent household. I'm not going to up and run out on them if they're mother is not giving me what I need. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this relationship work for the sake of them not growing up to be ****ed up like me.
> 
> ...


ok so you think your sons are going to be well taken care of by you staying with their mother. So in theory you will raise them to believe that if a woman doesn’t put out they should cheat on her. And further that their mother deserves what she got and she is the one who needs to wise up and forgive and forget. Yeah that’s a great dad.

What will actually happen whether you stay together or not is that your kids will eventually find out what you did to their mother and they will be angry and disgusted. They will be on her side just like we are.

Good luck explaining all this to your innocent boys who love their mother and see the pain she is in and trying to tell them she needs to shut up and get over it, champ.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

So let me sum you up here.

You're a guy who couldn't get a woman to kiss you ass here so you bought one from a sewer country. Your marriage is transactional based on you getting you **** serviced with appropriate enthusiasm.

When this didn't happen you found trash on Tinder, but it's really your wife’s fault for not putting your **** above all else.

Now because you've done her the enormous service of "forgiving" her for not appropriately servicing your **** you want to know how to force her to love you and to act appropriately enthusiastic every time you "tell" her to service your ****.

You have a transactional marriage and you treat it as such. You can bully her into "putting out" whenever you like but you can't bully love or enthusiasm. You can only bully actions. Or maybe you can bully her into faking it enough to satisfy you. Money buys actions, not desire.

You could certainly get another woman yo take your money but they won't like you either and will tire of having to earn every penny.

Good luck to you. What a sad way to live.....you're better off being single and spending money on hookers.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> You people are ****ed up


No, you are the one who is ****ed up. you really need to see a good councelor and lay it out to them exactly how you laid it out here.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Tested_by_stress said:


> No, you are the one who is ****ed up. you really need to see a good councelor and lay it out to them exactly how you laid it out here.


We are effed up because we are not siding with him. 🙄


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Don't worry, he isn't a hero. He is a coward.


Yep. Kinda my point. Not entirely sure he's a coward, more likely a folklore bridge keeper?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Cowboy263 said:


> You people are ****ed up


Go crawl back in your hole


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## TheGodfather (1 mo ago)

Have you tried buying your wife a new car and introducing her to a man that won't cheat on her? That might help her forgive you


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain. Nobody has even mentioned how I've been hurt during this while ordeal too. I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. I was being deprived and I acted on my needs as a man. It's simple enough. Had I not did what i did and just kept my mouth shut, I'd be in hear crying about being in a sexless marriage. At least i have the balls to light a fire under her ass and get her onboard. That should be worth something. If i didn't love my wife, I'd be still cheating and daring her to leave. I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again.


Humble??? This is your humility? I'd hate to see your arrogance then. If you didn't love her you'd still be cheating? Um no! If you didn't forget to delete your stupid app and she didn't find it, you'd still be cheating. It has NOTHING to do with love. Sexless marriage?? You wanted it 3-4x per week. What happened? Was she only "putting out" 1 or 2x per week? On top of taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning, shopping, doing your nasty laundry and serving your every whim? Yeah, you are a swell, humble guy. I totally see it. Did you try talking to her about your "sexless" marriage or did you jump right on to Tindr? Did you try marriage counseling or did you jump right on Tindr? Did you offer an open marriage or did you jump right on Tindr? You didn't try anything first did you? Yeah, that's what I thought.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Boycow. I have a lot of sympathy for people in sexless or low frequency marriages.

You have a much more serious internal problem, however, in that you are casually cruel and unfeeling toward your wife.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

It’s only a six year marriage. Hand her divorce papers with a big settlement. Then never ever get married again.

your outlook on women is demeaning and despicable. You’ll be doing your wife a favor.

let her raise those boys - they don’t need your influence.

you’re no hero. Hero’s have a conscience, compassion and a moral compass.


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Not said:


> You live in a fantasy land OP. Completely out of touch with reality. There’s no way you can know this though because you can’t see it. But you know there’s some thing off with you, you’ve felt it your whole life. The way people react to you. No one stays around for very long. But you’ll continue on because you know better than anyone.
> 
> I’ll tell you this though, people like you end up alone at the end. With nothing.


Complete NPD straight out of the DSM


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

ConanHub said:


> Boycow. I have a lot of sympathy for people in sexless or low frequency marriages.
> 
> You have a much more serious internal problem, however, in that you are casually cruel and unfeeling toward your wife.


I think it is because he sees her as property or livestock. I don't get any sense that he cares about her as a person. I think he would return or exchange her at the store if he could.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Cowboy263 said:


> I tried my hardest not to respond but here I am. I feel I need to explain myself.
> 
> Let's take a step back. What if I came here before I hopped on Tinder and explained how my wife was withholding sex from me. I would have told you how I gave her the life of her dreams and I'm being neglected in the bedroom. I would imagine that I would have been told that I've been hit with the bait and switch. You would have told me that I need to run for the hills if I'm not sexually satisfied. The truth is that I'm here after I've slept with several women. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. Believe it or not, I value family. I want my boys to grow up in a 2 parent household. I'm not going to up and run out on them if they're mother is not giving me what I need. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this relationship work for the sake of them not growing up to be ****ed up like me.
> 
> ...


Okay, I'll bite.

Questions.

1) did you tell your wife before marriage that you need sex a certain number of times per week in order to be married?
2) did she cut sex off completely, or did she just reduce it? Like, are you going from 3-4x/week down to 1x a week or is she saying no more sex at all?
3) did you talk to her about this before you cheated?
4) do you realize that people change over time and sometimes are not able to perform the same way in Year 10 vs Year 1, for example?
5) how would you handle it if you couldn't get it up enough and she went out and banged other guys?

Comments

1) you do not fully love your wife if you are getting intimate with other women, despite what you think and say
2) if your wife is not able/willing to have sex as much as you want it, then you can either masturbate or divorce her. Cheating is a crime against your spouse.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Lovingwife71 said:


> Complete NPD straight out of the DSM


I think so too. I have a twisted fascination with them, love to study them. They really do make it easy though because the behaviors are all very predictable and pretty much the same across the board with the exception of their levels of self awareness. This one is completely blank as far as that goes. Nobody's home.


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Beach123 said:


> Here is the bottom line. When one spouse cheats (no matter what the reason) it completely ruins everything about that marriage!
> you ruined it ALL!
> There is NO WAY your wife can quickly get over it! She will never trust you again. She may never reach a point where she isn’t disgusted by you! No amount of “stuff” you buy her can fix this crap you did to her! You have COMPLETELY broken your wife!
> That is only on YOU! YOU did this!
> ...


No sex for ten years LMFAO. Did you see where he said, "I told her to give me head this morning and she broke down crying." I can see it now, "suck my D" or "give me some head". That is soooooo chauvanistic and unfeeling. And guaranteed when she started crying he was pissed that his pleasure was ruined. He's not going keep dealing with this. He's more worried about how her pain is impacting him than her. 
This guy couldn't handle sex any less than 3-4x per week. That was considered sexless for him. LOL. Imagine him going a week or two without sex!!!!!!! Never-mind 10 years. He would be cheating within the first couple weeks.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Cowboy263 said:


> I tried my hardest not to respond but here I am. I feel I need to explain myself.
> 
> Let's take a step back. What if I came here before I hopped on Tinder and explained how my wife was withholding sex from me. I would have told you how I gave her the life of her dreams and I'm being neglected in the bedroom. I would imagine that I would have been told that I've been hit with the bait and switch. You would have told me that I need to run for the hills if I'm not sexually satisfied. The truth is that I'm here after I've slept with several women. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. Believe it or not, I value family. I want my boys to grow up in a 2 parent household. I'm not going to up and run out on them if they're mother is not giving me what I need. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this relationship work for the sake of them not growing up to be ****ed up like me.
> 
> ...


Stop your whining, you've got nothing on me. You ****ed around on your wife and treat her like ****, what do you expect?

Cripe and I thought I was an asshole.


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Not said:


> I think so too. I have a twisted fascination with them, love to study them. They really do make it easy though because the behaviors are all very predictable and pretty much the same across the board with the exception of their levels of self awareness. This one is completely blank as far as that goes. Nobody's home.


100% this guy is totally unaware. Even when he tries to sound compassionate and plead his case, you start to think, ok, I understand where he's coming from, then he says some of his Narc sh!t and that all goes out the window. SMH. It will never be about anyone but him.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I appreciate your elaboration and filling in some details about your life but the problem you need to fix first is inside you.

If your wife is willing, you should both get into some individual counseling and couples as well.

Since you are a firefighter in a larger city, you should have good coverage for some if not most of the sessions.

You should also take a clue from the consensus of responses here that you do in fact have a serious problem.


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## UltRugSwpr (7 mo ago)

Cowboy263 is playing us. Don't respond to him as this is all just a bunch of B.S.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

P.S. Since you are a Texas boy, my offer to spar stays open but I'll also buy you a beer and talk with you too.

I'm not heartless.😉


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> P.S. Since you are a Texas boy, my offer to spar stays open but I'll also buy you a beer and talk with you too.
> 
> I'm not heartless.😉


I'll buy


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## MIB (Dec 20, 2017)

I’m inclined to believe this is a trolling thread. Hard to believe someone is that far out of touch with reality on how to treat a lady. However, for the sake of this being real, I’ll bite.

You mention all the things you do for her that she should appreciate. All those things speak to the needs and comforts of living, but none of it speaks to her heart. You need to win her heart by loving her in ways that are important to her, not in ways that you would feel are important. Giving her things is something you put a great value on, but those are not ways to win a gal’s heart.

You need to love her. Words of affirmation. Cards. Impromptu hugs where you hold her tight and let her know how much she means to you. NOT how much you want her, but how you’d be lost without her. They way to a gals heart is, well, through the heart. Houses, cars, comfort… it’s all nice, but those do not speak to her heart. Trust, loyalty, attention in ways SHE wants… those are the keys if they are genuine and absent of an ulterior motive. She needs to believe that you value her. That she is an integral part of all that you are and can become. She’s the one. You wouldn’t want to do life without her.

A man thrives off respect. A woman thrives off love. When you love her, she is free to give you the gift of respect.

I highly advise “Love and Respect” by Emerson Eggerichs.

My friend, if this is a true story and you really want to make a change, you have a long way to go. The fact that she has remained with you and still wants to be married to you, in spite of your actions and continued words and attitude towards her, tell me that SHE is a lot further along in making things better than you are. SHE is not the problem. You created and perpetuate the problem that you criticize her for not processing correctly.

Consider her response and the overt majority opinion here and ask yourself, “ Is the entire band marching in the other direction wrong, or is it me?”


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> You people are ****ed up


You’re a sexist pig who uses women and loves only yourself. Gross.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> It's crazy how I come in here humble and looking for genuine support and I'm being treated like the villain. Nobody has even mentioned how I've been hurt during this while ordeal too. I refuse to be in a sexless marriage. I was being deprived and I acted on my needs as a man. It's simple enough. Had I not did what i did and just kept my mouth shut, I'd be in hear crying about being in a sexless marriage. At least i have the balls to light a fire under her ass and get her onboard. That should be worth something. If i didn't love my wife, I'd be still cheating and daring her to leave. I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again.


You talk about being a man and having your needs met.

so why did you lie and sneak around like a snake?


you say that you are the head of your relationship, but you aren’t acting like it.

why didn’t you go to your wife and say that you needed to feel loved and that is through sex? Why was your first choice to lie and have sex with other women behind your wife’s back?

is it because that conversation would be uncomfortable and difficult? Is it because cheating was easier? A man and head of household knows how to do uncomfortable and difficult things.

you should have told her that you want to discuss your marriage and how you need more passionate sex in your life with your partner. You should have led by example and asked her what she needs in the relationship and then worked on giving that to her. Then you two should have worked together on it. If she would have refused, then you tell her you do not wish to be in a sexless marriage and you think it is time for a divorce.

there was no reason to cheat. That’s the weak, easy way out.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Your wife is NOT an object to own, to control and there to please you.

you view her as your possession. Help your wife get far away from you.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Faithful Wife said:


> ok so you think your sons are going to be well taken care of by you staying with their mother. So in theory you will raise them to believe that if a woman doesn’t put out they should cheat on her. And further that their mother deserves what she got and she is the one who needs to wise up and forgive and forget. Yeah that’s a great dad.
> 
> What will actually happen whether you stay together or not is that your kids will eventually find out what you did to their mother and they will be angry and disgusted. They will be on her side just like we are.
> 
> Good luck explaining all this to your innocent boys who love their mother and see the pain she is in and trying to tell them she needs to shut up and get over it, champ.


They will be raised to know that their mother and father isn't perfect. I'll also raise them to understand that if it's anything in life that they want, they need to take it. It will not be given to them.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> You talk about being a man and having your needs met.
> 
> so why did you lie and sneak around like a snake?
> 
> ...


I did go to her. I did not cheat at the first chance that she stopped putting out. We went from 3-4 times a week to 1-2 times a month. That's a no go for me. She had all types of excuses. Claimed she was tired from the kids. Claimed she was exhausted from cleaning up. Can I use that excuse? Can I tell the power company that I'm tired and can't pay the bill? Of course not! I'm a man and I have a duty to my family. Likewise, she's a woman and has a duty to me. It isn't rocket science. I gave her time and she refused to move so I had to put some fire under her ass. Simple as that!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> They will be raised to know that their mother and father isn't perfect. I'll also raise them to understand that if it's anything in life that they want, they need to take it. It will not be given to them.


What you should be teaching them is if they want something they need to earn it.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Cowboy263 said:


> I did go to her. I did not cheat at the first chance that she stopped putting out. We went from 3-4 times a week to 1-2 times a month. That's a no go for me. She had all types of excuses. Claimed she was tired from the kids. Claimed she was exhausted from cleaning up. Can I use that excuse? Can I tell the power company that I'm tired and can't pay the bill? Of course not! I'm a man and I have a duty to my family. Likewise, she's a woman and has a duty to me. It isn't rocket science. I gave her time and she refused to move so I had to put some fire under her ass. Simple as that!


Don't you have a duty to your wife too, other than as provider?


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> All woe is me. You justified your horrendous behavior in your own mind and no one will convince you otherwise. You may love her in some twisted way, but you didn't care one bit about hurting her. You are no hero despite of what you do for a living. You were too much of a coward to do the right thing. Just another weak man IMO. A real man would have either told her, you don't owe me sex, but I'm going to get it somewhere, or you should have divorced her. Instead you took the low road, but it sounds like that is what your parents taught you and now you get to pass that on to your kids.


She owes me what I say she owes me. I laid the foundation when we got married. It was her that reneged first.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> What if I came here before I


The biggest thing is that TAM is collectively a genius when it comes to reading people, situations, and motives.

The problems that you talk about are, for the most part, secondary to the big underlying issue. Your attitude toward your wife, and really the rest of the world.

You could have come here with zero issues and talked about your perfect marriage and TAM would see right through you. We would be exactly where we are today.

What these fine TAM people are doing now (mostly) is trying to get you to recognize that you can't even see your own filth. You think you're elevated above all the rubbish and there's something wrong with the people below you. But that's not true. Marriages don't work like that. People don't work like that.

If you really want help with your marriage, you will have to genuinely be willing to take a hard look at yourself and be willing to change. Without that, well... read a few more comments.


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

Cowboy263 said:


> I did go to her. I did not cheat at the first chance that she stopped putting out. We went from 3-4 times a week to 1-2 times a month. That's a no go for me. She had all types of excuses. *Claimed she was tired from the kids. Claimed she was exhausted from cleaning up. *Can I use that excuse? Can I tell the power company that I'm tired and can't pay the bill? Of course not! I'm a man and I have a duty to my family. Likewise, she's a woman and has a duty to me. It isn't rocket science. I gave her time and she refused to move so I had to put some fire under her ass. Simple as that!


Maybe if you help taking care of the kids and cleaning the house she won't be so tired and you'll have sex?


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> Claimed she was tired from the kids. Claimed she was exhausted from cleaning up. Can I use that excuse?


You could have probably started by no longer being a **** parent and spouse and helping out so she's not tired.

But, ya didn't.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Cowboy263 said:


> They will be raised to know that their mother and father isn't perfect. I'll also raise them to understand that if it's anything in life that they want, they need to take it. It will not be given to them.


So again....you seem to forget that your children will eventually find out you cheated on their mother. You think you can just explain this away by saying "whatever you want in life take it" and expect them not to understand what you actually did to their mother? OMG you are clueless. But hey, have fun in your divorce and screwing all the new skanks you want and watching the pain in your kids' eyes when they realize what you did to her.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Faithful Wife said:


> So again....you seem to forget that your children will eventually find out you cheated on their mother. You think you can just explain this away by saying "whatever you want in life take it" and expect them not to understand what you actually did to their mother? OMG you are clueless. But hey, have fun in your divorce and screwing all the new skanks you want and watching the pain in your kids' eyes when they realize what you did to her.


He's not clueless. He is just an entitled POS that has no problem abusing his wife.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Cowboy can not cowboy up.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cowboy263 said:


> I did go to her. I did not cheat at the first chance that she stopped putting out. We went from 3-4 times a week to 1-2 times a month. That's a no go for me. She had all types of excuses. Claimed she was tired from the kids. Claimed she was exhausted from cleaning up. Can I use that excuse? Can I tell the power company that I'm tired and can't pay the bill? Of course not! I'm a man and I have a duty to my family. Likewise, she's a woman and has a duty to me. It isn't rocket science. I gave her time and she refused to move so I had to put some fire under her ass. Simple as that!


A grown woman knows to take care of her man. Yours stopped, slowed down. 

You should have let her know that was a deal breaker in a gentlemanly fashion.

I did and my wife has been hot after me ever since.

We've got 31 years together and she still likes to get it going on a regular basis and still occasionally meets me wearing only a hat and a smile.

It's not a transaction between us. It's behaving with the health of our marriage in mind and each other.

I am a demanding man that has requirements but if I had behaved like you, prostitutes and tinder hook ups would be all I'd rate as well.

Healthy marriage takes more than you have got or at least more than you have shown.

You need to develop.

I've seen more than one woman get her stomach turned by an attitude like yours.

I knew a guy that worked three jobs one time to provide but he would come home, just want sex (not real loving but instant gratification) and food.

He didn't engage her in many other ways.

She found another and left.


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## norbi141 (Dec 3, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> They will be raised to know that their mother and father isn't perfect. I'll also raise them to understand that if it's anything in life that they want, they need to take it. It will not be given to them.


I'm not sure that robbing liqour stores is the best career choice.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Whatever you want in life you take it…
Hmmm, were those words in the marriage vows?

whatever you want in life you take it…
Thought every rapist who violated women.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Zedd said:


> You could have probably started by no longer being a **** parent and spouse and helping out so she's not tired.
> 
> But, ya didn't.


/

That's not my job. I laid the foundation when we got married. Why the hell would I all of a sudden start "helping out" in the hopes that I get sex? Makes no sense. We both have our roles in this house. I saw the writing on the wall. 1-2 times per week could have easily turned into 1-2 times per year. Obviously, she was happy with that so why can't I find my happiness?


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Your twisted attitude is never going to make your wife want to have sex with you.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

I'd be interested to see how the responses would be if I cheated first and then she stopped putting out. The majority of the responses are jumping on me and glossing over the fact that I was hurt first. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. A sexless married and cheating makes us even. Why are you jumping on me for sleeping with other women but not acknowledging she was wrong for cutting off my path for sex? If I killed her cat and she killed my dog, we'd be even. Likewise, she cut me off from sex and I slept with other women. We're even!


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Soooo anywho....what's everyone having for dinner?


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

BigDaddyNY said:


> He's not clueless. He is just an entitled POS that has no problem abusing his wife.


He's clueless to what his own reality is.


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## Works (Apr 3, 2016)

Faithful Wife said:


> Soooo anywho....what's everyone having for dinner?


I'm not sure, yet... was thinking of seeing if the boyfriend wants to meet at our fave place for some wings and basketball.. The Bulls are playing tonight.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

You have an old middle eastern mentality OP. Little to no respect for women.. It's a blessing you have sons instead of daughters. I hope you see the error of your attitude and teach your boys better than you were obviously taught.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Cowboy263 said:


> I did go to her. I did not cheat at the first chance that she stopped putting out. We went from 3-4 times a week to 1-2 times a month. That's a no go for me. She had all types of excuses. Claimed she was tired from the kids. Claimed she was exhausted from cleaning up. Can I use that excuse? Can I tell the power company that I'm tired and can't pay the bill? Of course not! I'm a man and I have a duty to my family. Likewise, she's a woman and has a duty to me. It isn't rocket science. I gave her time and she refused to move so I had to put some fire under her ass. Simple as that!





Cowboy263 said:


> She owes me what I say she owes me. I laid the foundation when we got married. It was her that reneged first.


Did you tell your friends and family about this, and what you did, and how you feel entitled to have cheated? Are you proud about it to them like you are here?

The answer to your question in your thread title is...THERE IS NO WAY for her to get over your cheating. She never will. She will never trust you again (rightfully so).

I understand being in a sexless marriage. My EX repeatedly refused to have sex with me for years. Do you know what I did when I talked to him about it (over and over and over), and then finally realized he was never going to care about my sexual needs? I DIVORCED HIM. I didn't slime around with other men and pretend that I cared about my marriage...I stood up for myself and said I was done. I took the difficult way out - I took accountability for my own needs in my relationship and I left when he showed that he didn't want to be my sexual partner anymore and wouldn't work on it with me. 

Also, I GAVE HIM MY FULL DISCLOSURE. He KNEW. I didn't manipulate him or damage my integrity. I was direct, open, and honest. And I gave him the choice to work with me or not. He chose not.

What you did was immature, underhanded, deceitful, cowardly, manipulative, and self-serving. You weren't thinking about your marriage, your kids, or anything else except gratifying YOURSELF. That's NOT a competent, caring family man who is a strong leader. You are acting like a little boy who didn't get what he wanted and decided to throw a rock through the window. 

You will never have a successful marriage or relationship if this is how you handle disappointment and solve problems.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> They will be raised to know that their mother and father isn't perfect. I'll also raise them to understand that if it's anything in life that they want, they need to take it. It will not be given to them.





Cowboy263 said:


> I did go to her. I did not cheat at the first chance that she stopped putting out. We went from 3-4 times a week to 1-2 times a month. That's a no go for me. She had all types of excuses. Claimed she was tired from the kids. Claimed she was exhausted from cleaning up. Can I use that excuse? Can I tell the power company that I'm tired and can't pay the bill? Of course not! I'm a man and I have a duty to my family. Likewise, she's a woman and has a duty to me. It isn't rocket science. I gave her time and she refused to move so I had to put some fire under her ass. Simple as that!


How did you bring it up?

did you demand it from her (the way you are speaking to all of us)?

I know dead bedrooms very well. First of all, ending a marriage over sex is not shallow as you described. Marriage is a sexual relationship and one partner cannot take it away from the other.

secondly, no one on this planet owes you a damn thing. Not one thing. You keep talking about no one is going to help you get things in life so you have to take them. I agree. So why are you contradicting yourself in your next breath by saying that your wife owes you something?

follow your own advice. Go after what you want and take it. You cannot force anyone else to do what you want. You should have said to your wife that she is not walking on the same path as you. You should have said that marriage is a sexual relationship and you will not tolerate a marriage where sex isn’t happening. You should have told her that you feel loved and appreciated through sex. There is no shame in that. Lastly, you should have said that she is free to not have sex with you - but not as your wife.

you wanted to give her a kick in the ass? That is how you do it. You tell her you won’t tolerate a sexless marriage. You don’t lie and sneak around on her and emotionally destroy her. What you’ve done is unforgivable.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

If any of this is real, there is no coming back from it, none. You may get compliance from your wife out of fear, but she will never love you nor enjoy having sex with you. Your actions are no better than a man that beats his wife.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'd be interested to see how the responses would be if I cheated first and then she stopped putting out. The majority of the responses are jumping on me and glossing over the fact that I was hurt first. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. A sexless married and cheating makes us even. Why are you jumping on me for sleeping with other women but not acknowledging she was wrong for cutting off my path for sex? If I killed her cat and she killed my dog, we'd be even. Likewise, she cut me off from sex and I slept with other women. We're even!


Dude, you have a really big ego. That doesn't work in today's society. Different times.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Cowboy263 said:


> /
> 
> That's not my job. I laid the foundation when we got married. Why the hell would I all of a sudden start "helping out" in the hopes that I get sex? Makes no sense. We both have our roles in this house. I saw the writing on the wall. 1-2 times per week could have easily turned into 1-2 times per year. Obviously, she was happy with that so why can't I find my happiness?


1-2 times per week is not a sexless marriage. Your wife was having sex with you, but you were putting her at risk by continuing to have sex with her while having sex with random women you met on an app. This is a huge betrayal.
Did you two have any vows when you got married?


Cowboy263 said:


> I'd be interested to see how the responses would be if I cheated first and then she stopped putting out. The majority of the responses are jumping on me and glossing over the fact that I was hurt first. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. A sexless married and cheating makes us even. Why are you jumping on me for sleeping with other women but not acknowledging she was wrong for cutting off my path for sex? If I killed her cat and she killed my dog, we'd be even. Likewise, she cut me off from sex and I slept with other women. We're even!


You say that you were having sex 1-2 times per week. That is not being cut off. Even if she did cut you off, that means it's time to discuss what's going on and work towards resolution. Going out and having sex with other people, strangers no less, is not the answer! It only devistates your wife and puts her into a terrible position. You can expect to have a very sad and angry wife from now on. Did you notice the book I recommended that you read to help you fix this mess you've made? I'll post it again for you.
How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004ZG6UF4/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
You have deeply betrayed your wife. Until you recognize this and work to make amends, things are not going to improve in your marriage. Your wife may have sex with you, but you won't have a happy home. Her resentment will only grow.
The way that people are responding to you here is indicative of how your wife is feeling inside, but she's probably too afraid trapped to tell you. By the way, what is your wife saying about all of this?


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Cowboy263 said:


> Likewise, she cut me off from sex and I slept with other women. We're even!


When she ****s someone else you'll be even.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

Cowboy263 said:


> They will be raised to know that their mother and father isn't perfect. I'll also raise them to understand that if it's anything in life that they want, they need to take it. It will not be given to them.


How about things are earned and women have value. Are you going to tell your sons to treat women like **** like you do?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You don’t love anyone. You take what you want and are a ruthless, heartless pos. You are a predator.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)




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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

@Cowboy263, have you and your wife been tested for STDs?


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

BigDaddyNY said:


> If any of this is real, there is no coming back from it, none. You may get compliance from your wife out of fear, but she will never love you nor enjoy having sex with you. Your actions are no better than a man that beats his wife.


I'm not sure any of it's real either but I'm picturing this:


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

heather42 said:


> I'm not sure any of it's real either but I'm picturing this:
> 
> View attachment 95548


I'm thinking more like this....


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Numb26 said:


> I'm thinking more like this....
> View attachment 95549


OMG!!!!! LOLOL!!!!!!


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

Numb26 said:


> I'm thinking more like this....
> View attachment 95549


LOL! 

You won.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'd be interested to see how the responses would be if I cheated first and then she stopped putting out. The majority of the responses are jumping on me and glossing over the fact that I was hurt first. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. A sexless married and cheating makes us even. Why are you jumping on me for sleeping with other women but not acknowledging she was wrong for cutting off my path for sex? If I killed her cat and she killed my dog, we'd be even. Likewise, she cut me off from sex and I slept with other women. We're even!


One, you are obviously ignoring my posts and two, no you're not even.

Your belligerent ignorance compels me to stop trying to help you at all. Revulsive as you are, I was trying.

My first post stands and you can forget the beer.

You will reep as you have sown.


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

ConanHub said:


> *My first post stands and you can forget the beer.*
> 
> You will reep as you have sown.


He don't need your beer. Didn't you see his present?


----------



## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

heather42 said:


> He don't need your beer. Didn't you see his present?


Yes and the poor fellow obviously can't tell beer from horse piss.😉

I was willing to give the man some culture at least.😁


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Yes and the poor fellow obviously can't tell beer from horse piss.😉
> 
> I was willing to give the man some culture at least.😁


For him, that is culture!


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## Rooster Cogburn (9 mo ago)

(Jeez, and I thought I was bad haha! This is almost beyond the pail.)

Anyway... OP-

Not gonna wade through previous comments and bare-butt advice... it's pretty obvious that you chose poorly in handling the situation with your wife. Again- cheating is NEVER the proper human choice in dealing with a married spouse. 


What I will comment are peripheral observations and tendencies that you exhibit in your conversations that are VERY similar in style to my brother-in-law.

He is a Firefighter paramedic. He suffers from PTSD from all the crap he has seen. 

From my outside-looking-in regarding both your and by BIL's behavior... it's can be categorized as EXTREME entitlement. Now, don't take that the wrong way... part of that is society's fault but also some of that burden lies on your shoulders... and the professional fire service as well. 

I have seen my BIL (before he was diagnosed with PTSD) carry every single bit of that anxiety and crap he saw and dealt with- home. It poisoned his relationship with his wife and most of his off duty life. It's getting slightly better now... but it's a very slow process. 

Personally, I am most pissed at the fire service... a LITTLE bit of common sense from the union would have demanded that fire paramedics rotate off every so often whether that's months or a several years into a 'tour.' (Instead of him seeing bodies splatted all over interstates and people fried from downed power lines for 15 straight years, etc, etc, etc. But the union doesn't care.) 

Sorry to sidetrack, but if you are union down in TX... I believe you and your wife could find a therapy benefit via the fire service. IF you do in fact love your wife... at the very least appeal to your chief for some light-duty shifts and some counseling. Don't let your job destroy YOU and YOUR family. Unfortunately, it sounds like it already has. 

I think just talking out things with someone with credentials would help. You are pouring A LOT out of yourself in your line of work.... BUT you have to understand that your wife cannot just re-fill your cup every single time and make things whole. She has a cup too.... and it's the same size as yours but filled and emptied by other things in life. 

And last but not least... find the Bible and read what it has to say about marriage. The state didn't invent marriage. God did.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> My first post stands and you can forget the beer.


Damn!!! Forget the beer!!! Now that is some nastiness!!


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## ThreeHundo (Sep 20, 2021)

Yeah, she should absolutely divorce you. You don't love your wife and I hope she realizes that and ditches you.


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## ThreeHundo (Sep 20, 2021)

"I genuinely want to help her and make this a healthy marriage again." 
"BUt onLY On mY fU*kInG tERms or sHe cAN lEaVe."

Super healthy there Sporto.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

ConanHub said:


> One, you are obviously ignoring my posts and two, no you're not even.
> 
> Your belligerent ignorance compels me to stop trying to help you at all. Revulsive as you are, I was trying.
> 
> ...


Luckily for you, I already live in Texas. Keep poking the bear and you might end up getting what you wish for.


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## Cowboy263 (4 d ago)

Rooster Cogburn said:


> (Jeez, and I thought I was bad haha! This is almost beyond the pail.)
> 
> Anyway... OP-
> 
> ...


I can relate to your brother in law but I do I good job of leaving work at work. Whether I was putting out fires or delivering mail at the post office, my standards are my standards. I brought up my past to prove that I know how evil this world can be and I need to be in this home to protect my family.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Cowboy263 said:


> Luckily for you, I already live in Texas. Keep poking the bear and you might end up getting what you wish for.


PM me buddy. If you are in a bigger city, you are maybe only an hour or two away.

To be clear, I'm offering a nice safe fully protected sparring session in which I'm sure a big old boy like you will have no problem dominating as I'm just a little mouse flower of a man.😉


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Now boys.

No meeting behind the school after class unless someone videotapes it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> Now boys.
> 
> No meeting behind the school after class unless someone videotapes it.


Good clean fun followed by 🍺😋


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> PM me buddy. If you are in a bigger city, you are maybe only an hour or two away.
> 
> To be clear, I'm offering a nice safe fully protected sparring session in which I'm sure a big old boy like you will have no problem dominating as I'm just a little mouse flower of a man.😉


Don't hurt him to bad


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Cowboy, seriously. It's just like I said in my first post to you. You see the way people react to you and it's not just one or two, it's freaking everyone. It has to make you miserable. Do you not want different for yourself? There's no way you don't see this. I'm probably wasting my breath but damn, you have to have the most miserable life.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Don't hurt him to bad


Gloves and gear. Totally legit fun and exercise. I'm not mad even. Just grinning.😁

Honestly, sometimes some good rigorous exercise clears the mind for better conversations anyway.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Gloves and gear. Totally legit fun and exercise. I'm not mad even. Just grinning.😁
> 
> Honestly, sometimes some good rigorous exercise clears the mind for better conversations anyway.


It is. I find peace sparring Kendo.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Better yet Cow wow. Get yourself into therapy.

I still don't want to come off as uncaring for an obviously messed up pup.

You've got a problem mate. The first step is to realize it.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Cowboy263 said:


> ..... What if I came here before I hopped on Tinder *and explained how my wife was withholding sex from me. I would have told you how I gave her the life of her dreams and I'm being neglected in the bedroom. I would imagine that I would have been told that I've been hit with the bait and switch*. You would have told me that I need to run for the hills if I'm not sexually satisfied. The truth is that I'm here after I've slept with several women. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. Believe it or not, I value family. I want my boys to grow up in a 2 parent household. I'm not going to up and run out on them if they're mother is not giving me what I need. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this relationship work for the sake of them not growing up to be ****ed up like me.
> 
> While we have taken a step back, I'll tell you about me. I'm from the slums of Detroit, West side. I've seen poverty. I've seen death. I've seen my mother selling her body while my father was away. I did 10 years in the military where I've seen more of the same.
> 
> ...


Let me give you some insights from a 73 year old man married for 51+years to the same woman. I was also in a sex starved marriage, but with help worked with my wife to reconcile our marriage and to regain a sex life.

If you has posted differently, I would not have told you to run for the hills from a bait and switch marriage. In some respects, I felt at times that I was trapped in a bait and switch marriage. It took a while, but that was just me trying to paint myself as the victim of an evil Ice Queen. But I wasn't, I was part of the problem. I needed to figure out what I was contributing to my wife's not wanting to have sex with me and how I had emotionally driven her away. * You might want to do some introspection as to your contributions to your current sexual problems.*

I worked my butt off and quickly climbed the corporate ladder by working huge number of overtime and studying and thinking about work at home. That drove my wife away from me. Today that problem is called maintaining a work-life balance. Yes, 4 decades ago, I was making 6-figure salary and managing hundreds of millions in organizational assets. And yet I was in a sex starved marriage. One of the things I learned, is that I was codependent on my wife's validating me, my life and my contributions to society and my personal sacrifices. I wasn't getting what I needed to feel valued in my life from my work or friends. I looked to my wife for emotional validation. And I twisted that need into seeking validation through her initiating and desiring me sexually. I smothered her in a needy weak way for sex that made me very unsexy in her eyes. *I think we have traveled similar paths.*

First thank you for your contributions to making this a better society. I too have worked in an essential service organization, but not had to put my life on the line as directly as you had. So thank you. I have economically saved small rural villages and and provided safe living conditions and safety to thousands. I have used my skills providing safety to nursing homes and their patients, to correction centers, to mental health facilities and to whole communities. And yet, I needed the emotional validation of the woman I desperately loved to feel good about myself and what I did. That is called co-dependence. Ultimately, I learned that and changed my work-life balance to devote more time to my family. I also did what M.W. Davis in her book the Sex-Starved Marriage and Glover in his book No More Mr. Nice Guy calls "Getting a Life." GAL is about regaining control of your life and living it in a way that makes you an "fully integrated man" that doesn't beg his wife for emotional support. 

Part of my Getting a LIfe was to exercise and take up sports I stopped when I first got married. I got into endurance running (15K and half marathons) and endurance bike rides (century rides or 100 mile in one day rides). As a 60 year old man I took first place in my age classification on a 15 k run. I also did two back to back on adjoining day century rides, twice. Yes 200 miles in two days. I also climbed mountains with one of my son's. I found pride in what I did outside of work. My wife emotionally complemented me in other ways besides sex. I became less emotionally needed for her validation. 

Another thing that I learned along with way to regaining a loving sexual relationship with my wife, is that I could substitute sensual touch for sexual intercourse. You really should read Dr. Sue Johnson's book called Hold Me Tight. It is about how desperate humans need touch and emotional closeness to thrive. Some call it skin hunger. The laying on of hands is something that is common in many cultures as a physical and emotional healing method, because we need touch.

One more things I learned along the way is that my wife and I are to different people and we need to negotiate every aspect of marriage and negotiate means we need to compromise between our wants to find things we can live with. It can range from how many children we have, to what we spend our money on, what our priorities are on vacations, what we eat for dinner and yes, the sex we have. In a happy marriage I can't force her (in a happy marriage) what we will eat for dinner, where we will go for all our vacations or the sex we have or don't have. We have to both agree upon it, no matter how much money I make. 

I will once again suggest to you that you probably should consider finding two counselors. One who you can look to for ethical, spiritual inspiration and a second that you look to for helping understand relationships. I believe that you do love your wife and family. I further believe that you are in a stressful chosen career where you are doing great things for society. However, I think your stress has forced you to become codependent to your wife's emotional validation.

Good luck to you. Reread the parts of this post I have highlighted for you and think about what you have said in your own words. Apologize to your wife and ask your wife for forgive your cheating, demands and threats. Work on yourself, your work-life balance, and other sources besides you wife for emotional validation. Find time in your exercise routine to add your kids to it. I did, I went on short bike rides with my two sons, I did 5K fun runs with them. Some even allowed jogging strollers, that I did with grandchildren. There is a lot you can do to change your life it you want to and changing it for the better.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'm no troll but at least you seem to get it. A woman withholding sex is like starving a dog to death. It's not fair that she can withhold a basic human right and you are expected to hold it together since it's the right thing to do, according to others. I don't understand what you guys wanted me to do. Was I supposed to walk around the house looking sad and hoping that she'll eventually feel bad for me and give me sex? F* that. I'm a man and I take what's mine. If she is not putting out at home, I have every right to go out and get it elsewhere.
> 
> I'm not a bad person. I love my wife and children. My family is still together and I've made sure of that. It would have been shallow for me to divorce her over sex so instead I chose to get it elsewhere. Maybe that wasn't the best decision but it is what it is. I'm not going to sit around and waste the best years of my life because she refuses to please me. The ball is in her court and if she wants this to work, she needs to play ball on my terms. If she did divorce me as others have suggested, she'll eventually end up with another man and be in the exact same boat after withholding sex. Maybe he won't be as nice as me and he leaves her ass the first chance he gets. That's the entire point of me seeking help for her. I'm trying to make her a better person.
> 
> As I mentioned before, she's well taken care of. She doesn't work because I'm a provider. Even if she did work, she has the luxury of blowing her money and even quitting because I'm here to take care of her. As a man, I don't have that option. I have a responsibility to her and my kids. Any woman in that position should be grateful. Men aren't hard to please. As long as I'm coming home to a clean house, kids fed, and my nuts drained, I'm happy. That is definitely not too much to ask for.


It's your attitude that is appalling. I can fully understand why no woman would want to have sex with such an arrogant rude entitled man.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

I think I have her convinced? 

This cannot be real.


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## Rooster Cogburn (9 mo ago)

Cowboy263 said:


> I can relate to your brother in law but I do I good job of leaving work at work. Whether I was putting out fires or delivering mail at the post office, my standards are my standards. I brought up my past to prove that I know how evil this world can be and I need to be in this home to protect my family.


That's fine. You can have your standards.

But I absolutely guarantee you that you bring it home... not 'talking about work things' at home may seem like you are not bringing it with you... but you are. In your heart... you know it. 
Listen man... my BIL didn't see it... and you don't either because you are 'in it' several days a weeks for a full night/day. "In it" means not just work but the firefighter culture. (And there are definitely some positive aspects but also some nasty negative ones associated with it.) 

I am warning you... if you don't seek out some sort of counseling... it's going severely alter the course of your life that's not for the better of you or your family. (In fact, it already has.) 

Yes, the world is EVIL... BUT that doesn't mean you treat your wife or family that way. 

Straight sauce... according to your math-

Your wife who was taking care of the homefront and raising kids... COULD have mistreated and destroyed your marriage by stepping out because you were gone 100hrs. a week and negligent to her emotional/ physical needs... and she could have said- 'Well, the world's an evil place. Happens all day, every day, all around the world. I messed up. Now when are you gonna quit *****ing and get over yourself? We got a family to raise here mister!' 

I highly doubt you would be motorboating between those thighs because she wanted oral at a moment's notice when you got home from work? Am I right? That's what your math is adding up to. Boot on the other foot and all that. You know that, right?


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You don’t value any woman. You feel all women owe you and deserve ****.
Prove me wrong.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> I'm thinking more like this....
> View attachment 95549


Dammit, Numb!

I told you not to post that picture of me!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Cowboy263 said:


> Yes, she's not from our country. She's from Venezuela. She's had a tough life and I brought her out of the slums. I paid her rent for almost 2 years straight. I fully furnished the house and gave her a monthly allowance. I took her family on vacations. I gave her money to start a business that ultimately failed. I paid for her tuition at culinary school and she never finished. I helped her remove toxic friends from her life. I bent over backwards to make her happy. Whether you want to admit it or not, every woman in the world would jump at the chance to be with a man like me. Any other woman would already be on their knees ready to go to work when I walk through the door but she has gotten comfortable since we have children and we are married. She needed to be reminded who's in charge. That's why I don't regret cheating one bit and I'd do it again if it was necessary.


Why didn't you just hire a prostitute. It's cheaper and you can send her home.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

sokillme said:


> Why didn't you just hire a prostitute. It's cheaper and you can send her home.


Because he wants her to be his soul mate. His codependence requires her emotional validation. Prostitutes will give you the sex acts you want, but not so much the soul mate experience he desires.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Rooster Cogburn said:


> That's fine. You can have your standards.
> 
> But I absolutely guarantee you that you bring it home... not 'talking about work things' at home may seem like you are not bringing it with you... but you are. In your heart... you know it.
> Listen man... my BIL didn't see it... and you don't either because you are 'in it' several days a weeks for a full night/day. "In it" means not just work but the firefighter culture. (And there are definitely some positive aspects but also some nasty negative ones associated with it.)
> ...


I believe that we are all flawed human beings in a world full of temptation. Yes, I also believe in redemption.

I think he has the capability to learn and figure out his role in his marriage problem, apologize and rebuild his marriage.

He does need a lot of work, but he is capable of that, He seems to truly love his wife although he is not treating her as he should and providing her with a loving and cherishing environment.

If he wife wants, to forgive him, they just might make it.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Young at Heart said:


> Because he wants her to be his soul mate. His codependence requires her emotional validation. Prostitutes will give you the sex acts you want, but not so much the soul mate experience he desires.


He doesn't seem emotionally deep enough to even understand the concept of soul mates. His whole line of thinking is transactional just like it would be for a prostitute. He gave her a nice house and stuff so he deserves sex.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Young at Heart said:


> Because he wants her to be his soul mate. His codependence requires her emotional validation. Prostitutes will give you the sex acts you want, but not so much the soul mate experience he desires.


You are kind and assume the best of people. I hope he lives up to your assumptions. Maybe if he reads any posts he will read yours and discover his humility and humanity.

Maybe he will find out that a loving marriage is what he actually wants.


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## Rooster Cogburn (9 mo ago)

Young at Heart said:


> I believe that we are all flawed human beings in a world full of temptation. Yes, I also believe in redemption.
> 
> I think he has the capability to learn and figure out his role in his marriage problem, apologize and rebuild his marriage.
> 
> ...


I agree with you. But the wife's ability to forgive him is the kicker... which is a very tall order. 

I never approached the level of betrayal that he has accomplished BUT I was just as headstrong as in- "Rooster Cogburn vs. the World"! I was going to force my mentality and way upon you whether you liked it or not... ignorant of whether or not it was good for me and my relationship in the long term. I still have that to a degree but... it's no longer directed toward my wife.

But getting him to realize he has major work to put in just to get out of his current headspace seems to be an enormous hurdle. He needs to start with his own person and sort that out and then see if there's anything left of his relationship pending his wife's grace. Otherwise... I have seen it... it just goes off the rails in ALL facets of life. Everything is a nail when you are a hammer.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I'll stick to words. (Sorry for being a pain in the ass mods)

Wowboy, you are a bad guy. You're the villain in this story.

You are abusive and bullying with your wife and that is as far from good or heroic as herpes infested hemorrhoids are from attractive.

You have severely damaged your marriage and wife.

The only woman that would want you would be a prostitute or tinder hookup because then you would be gone.

You are vile. Decent men and women loathe you for your treatment of your wife.

I think you should divorce her amicably and pay prostitutes and get unpaid hoes on tinder because you damn sure don't have what it takes to satisfy a real woman for any length of time.

You're severely lacking. You're very weak in that area and your woman is left empty and wanting.

If you aren't going to grow up and attempt being a real man, you should leave because a paid woman or a deranged tinder hook up is all you will ever rate.

Your wife deserves to experience what an actual man can be with her and your boys need a better role model.

These words are harsh but no worse than your actions.

If you aren't going to grow the f up, leave. You're an overgrown adolescent that would probably be an incel (despite hoes and tinder) without buying a desperate woman from Venezuela.

You are treating your wife like mierda!!! You need to stop it one way or another.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Fathers and mothers, this is why you raise your daughters to be independent.


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## Lynnevicious (Apr 25, 2021)

I dunno if this is allowed but… look at this similar thread. 
-Username = adjective + noun + 3 numbers. 
-Same ‘hero’, 3 figure job
-no empathy
Maybe he’s in a sexless marriage and he’s role playing and fantasizing and validating?
Similar writing style. 
Op, what do you think about this similar thread?









Is it normal to cheat and not feel remorse? Need second...


I was married to my wife for 6 years. She was a good woman but the sex was non-existent. We had sex only when I initiated. We had sex at a good pace when we first got married but she just became less and less interested. She said it was her nature how she felt. I told her to get counseling with...




www.talkaboutmarriage.com


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Numb26 said:


> I want to say that this can't be real but I know there are people like this out there.


It's simply the result of power imbalance and years after years of it. It can be very real. This was my ex's family. There's really nowhere she can go. Property.

Sadly there is very little we can do to help if this story is true, as the wife is broken into submission.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

@Cowboy263
I've gotta give you credit you've had me laughing harder than any thread I've ever read on TAM. You have managed to combine some of the more despicable behaviors all into one thread to push everyone's buttons.
I have also never seen an OP that was unanimously hated ... congrats.
If you are real and really want to help your wife send her here we'll get her to come around to how awesome you are.

You really should take up @ConanHub 's offer, he needs to be put in his place and you seem to be just the 'man' for the job. I just hope he doesn't give you a wedgie and lock you in a locker.

p.s. Where's the man-hating squad here's their opportunity to actually be beneficial. This one is worthy of your vitriol for sure.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Well cowboy...I guess your post hasn't worked out well for you. 

You sound insanely immature 🙄 

Your wife is not going to get over it


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'll be brief. I've been married to my wife for 6 years. We have 2 sons together. The first 3 years were lovely but the last 3 have been miserable. She lost her sex drive after our second son and stopped giving me sex as often as I'd like. That was usually 3-4 times a week which isn't asking too much. More and more, I grew resentful. I bust my ass everyday for this family so when I need her to put out, she needs to put out. It shouldn't even be a debate about it and it made me angry when she made excuses about being tired or not being in the mood.


Holy ****! Did I really just read that?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

sokillme said:


> He doesn't seem emotionally deep enough to even understand the concept of soul mates. His whole line of thinking is transactional just like it would be for a prostitute. He gave her a nice house and stuff so he deserves sex.


I agree that he needs to work on changing himself. He can demand (as he has posted) that his wife perform oral sex on him, but she just went through the motions with not love or enthusiasm. He posted that he told her to stop as it was not what he wanted. At least at that moment he wanted more than a transactional act of sex. I think he is struggling with what he wants and needs. Maybe he is capable of change. That will be up to him. 

he could be a lost cause, but he seems to want something he isn't getting. Maybe that will motivate him.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> You are kind and assume the best of people. I hope he lives up to your assumptions. Maybe if he reads any posts he will read yours and discover his humility and humanity.
> 
> Maybe he will find out that a loving marriage is what he actually wants.


I can also be incredibly cynical. I am also old enough to know that I have made huge mistakes, and atoned for them, as well as made huge changes in myself. I have struggled to raise my children and been amazed to see how responsible they have turned out. I have watched them do incredible things with my grandchildren and felt the love of my grandchildren for me.

As to assuming the best in people........not always. I think a lot of things I run across are scams. When I go out in public, I usually wear a concealed carry handgun for which I have a license. So no, I try to look at things critically.

I think that the cowboy is struggling, and just want to share with him some life observations learned in my 70+ years.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Cowboy263 said:


> What if I came here before I hopped on Tinder and explained how my wife was withholding sex from me. I would have told you how I gave her the life of her dreams and I'm being neglected in the bedroom. I would imagine that I would have been told that I've been hit with the bait and switch.


Maybe. That "bait and switch" narrative is usually nonsense. In your case, it may be that you "sourced" a woman from a bad place, who pretended to desire you in order to get out of hell. So yes, it could be that. In which case, you can see your part in it. 



> You would have told me that I need to run for the hills if I'm not sexually satisfied.


I wouldn't. 



> I've seen my mother selling her body while my father was away.


I suspect that has a lot to do with it. And, that's not your fault. 



> She was the one that cut me off.


She didn't "decide" to stop wanting sex. It was not a voluntary choice on her part. 



> She is my soul mate and I want to grow old with her.


Oh please. 



> So going back to my original statement I need her to get over it and love me for me.


Then you need some help in being lovable, 



Cowboy263 said:


> Why are you jumping on me for sleeping with other women but not acknowledging she was wrong for cutting off my path for sex?


Because her not wanting sex is not something she has any choice about.


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## MegaTbone (12 d ago)

Sorry bud, but something like this applies to you:
There are many levels of stupid,
Then there are people like YOU! Its the 21st century, not medieval ages! Hello, McFly???? Really, really? 
Is this for real?


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

sokillme said:


> Why didn't you just hire a prostitute. It's cheaper and you can send her home.


He tried, only trouble was he couldnt find one who was willing to take on as big a **** as he's got  ...I mean as he is.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

Young at Heart said:


> I can also be incredibly cynical. I am also old enough to know that I have made huge mistakes, and atoned for them, as well as made huge changes in myself. I have struggled to raise my children and been amazed to see how responsible they have turned out. I have watched them do incredible things with my grandchildren and felt the love of my grandchildren for me.
> 
> As to assuming the best in people........not always. I think a lot of things I run across are scams. When I go out in public, I usually wear a concealed carry handgun for which I have a license. So no, I try to look at things critically.
> 
> I think that the cowboy is struggling, and just want to share with him some life observations learned in my 70+ years.


Just because you changed and learned doesn't mean all others can. The science shows that cluster Bs - narcissists, borderline, histrionics - almost never change or learn. Some can be more self aware than others, but that just makes them better at hiding abuse from the outside world and playing cruel games.


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## heather42 (2 mo ago)

DamianDamian said:


> Just because you changed and learned doesn't mean all others can. The science shows that cluster Bs - narcissists, borderline, histrionics - almost never change or learn. Some can be more self aware than others, but that just makes them better at hiding abuse from the outside world and playing cruel games.


I'd take that science with a grain of salt. In the new DSM they might do away with personality disorders. Soft Science is a lucrative field.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

heather42 said:


> I'd take that science with a grain of salt. In the new DSM they might do away with personality disorders. Soft Science is a lucrative field.


Sure is. Changes based on money and what the whim of the woke is.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Cowboy263 said:


> I tried my hardest not to respond but here I am. I feel I need to explain myself.
> 
> Let's take a step back. What if I came here before I hopped on Tinder and explained how my wife was withholding sex from me. I would have told you how I gave her the life of her dreams and I'm being neglected in the bedroom. I would imagine that I would have been told that I've been hit with the bait and switch. You would have told me that I need to run for the hills if I'm not sexually satisfied. The truth is that I'm here after I've slept with several women. As far as I'm concerned, we're even. Believe it or not, I value family. I want my boys to grow up in a 2 parent household. I'm not going to up and run out on them if they're mother is not giving me what I need. I'm going to do everything in my power to make this relationship work for the sake of them not growing up to be ****ed up like me.
> 
> ...


"She is my soul mate"????

If (and this is a HUGE "if") she truly was your "soul mate", you would NEVER have cheated on her nor would you be talking about her the way you are.

Trying to explain this to you would be an exercise in futulity. Especially to a guy who views his "soul mate" as a person who's purpose is to, how did you phrase it, "drain your nuts".


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## PossibleRedFlags (12 d ago)

Cowboy263 said:


> I'll be brief....


I think you should let your wife read this thread...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Cowboy263 Have you posted your story before?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Young at Heart said:


> I agree that he needs to work on changing himself. He can demand (as he has posted) that his wife perform oral sex on him, but she just went through the motions with not love or enthusiasm. He posted that he told her to stop as it was not what he wanted. At least at that moment he wanted more than a transactional act of sex. I think he is struggling with what he wants and needs. Maybe he is capable of change. That will be up to him.
> 
> he could be a lost cause, but he seems to want something he isn't getting. Maybe that will motivate him.


He had multiple random hookups. I don't think it was emotional connection he was in search of. He just wants to get off and he wants her to enjoy herself while pleasuring him. Everything is him, him, him. If selfish, entitled asshole is a curable syndrome then maybe there is hope for him. IME assholes aren't capable of changing.


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## Teacherwifemom (5 mo ago)

If this is all true, your level of evil is worthy of creating a Lifetime Movie about it. Literally every single person here tells you this and you still insist you’re right because she’s your property. This is beyond disgusting. What’s next, a mercy killing? You didn’t marry a woman, you bought a slave. You may have had a crap childhood but plenty of people did and they are still capable of love. I can assure, what you call love is not.


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## Lovingwife71 (Mar 28, 2018)

Laurentium said:


> Laurentium said:
> 
> 
> > She didn't "decide" to stop wanting sex. It was not a voluntary choice on her part.
> ...


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

It’s interesting that the one you chose to marry - has no way of supporting herself without you.
You certainly backed her into a corner. You certainly have her in a position where she has few choices if she divorces you.
I hope you will offer her a hefty settlement so she can build a new life with your boys…hopefully without your influence on how they grow up.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Beach123 said:


> It’s interesting that the one you chose to marry - has no way of supporting herself without you.
> You certainly backed her into a corner. You certainly have her in a position where she has few choices if she divorces you.
> I hope you will offer her a hefty settlement so she can build a new life with your boys…hopefully without your influence on how they grow up.


Actually, if she gets a good lawyer she can wreck him. Just hoping she knows that. He will even have to pay for her lawyer to wreck him!!


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Whew, OP, you are a riot. And a large walking red flag.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

People like OP tend to romanticize themselves so therefore fall in love with the image of themselves they've formed in their own minds. In this case, the poor victim who's risen from the ashes of poverty and grown into a loving, supportive community hero who wants nothing but the best for his family. An image we're all supposed to be swooning over and showing nothing but empathy and support for, his life has been so rough after all. And now this mess with his wife, life just keeps kicking him while he's down. 

This thread is thrashing that self image and I'll be shocked if he returns.


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## DonJuan (Oct 20, 2021)

Say your sorry, then give her a million dollars? maybe


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## Sierralyn20 (Dec 4, 2020)

I'm back here to sat this: OP exhibits the exact same feelings of grandeur and heroism that my ex did. "He's never hit or a abused his wife, he works hard and supports his family, etc."

I hope his wife is safe. Mine ex got enraged and extremely violent when I tried to leave him.


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

Sierralyn20 said:


> I'm back here to sat this: OP exhibits the exact same feelings of grandeur and heroism that my ex did. "He's never hit or a abused his wife, he works hard and supports his family, etc."
> 
> I hope his wife is safe. Mine ex got enraged and extremely violent when I tried to leave him.


That's been on my mind as well. Let's hope she knows him well enough to navigate this. There's no way she hasn't seen that ragey side yet if he's the type that goes that way.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

This dude is CLUELESS what love is.

He says his wife is his "soul mate". What a joke!!

He rattles off all these things that he does for his wife which obviously doesn't come from the kindness of his heart and trying to nurture and value his wife's heart and soul and spirit. NOPE!!!

Everything he does comes with strings attached. IT'S CONDITIONAL!!!
This is NOT love.

He's also a COWARD and WEAK because that's what cheaters are. If he's so bent out of shape about his wife not "draining his nuts" (sorry his words) then try to fix it and if nothing works be a F'n man and divorce her and go your separate ways.

But that's what a man with integrity and morals and conviction would do and we all know that sure isn't OP!!!

His style is crawling around in the dark like a rat or a roach and to get on tinder and find some skank to cheat with and after his wife finds out he's bent out of shape because she's upset and she hasn't gotten over it yet???

OP I can only speak for myself, I've been on TAM for a good number of years, and you are probably the biggest LOSER I've ever seen on here. If I get banned for saying this so be it.

This is not some stranger you're talking about.
It's your WIFE for crying out loud.
Your so called "soul mate".
And this is how you treat your "soul mate"??


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

@Cowboy263,

Your wife is home alone with two small children for four straight days per week. When you come home, you expect this physically and mentally exhausted woman to service you. Everyone wants something from her and is hanging on her body. Where are her needs being met?

You said you don’t contribute to the housework, because that’s her job. That means she is working 24/7 with no breaks, because that’s her job. She does everything on the home front.

Yes, you work hard. Yes, your job is stressful. No one is saying it’s not. Being a firefighter involves dealing with life and death situations every day and putting your own life on the line. We all understand and appreciate that.

The thing is, your wife is also working hard for your family and you clearly do not appreciate her at all. Your attitude is one of someone who has purchased a service and will get your desires met however you want, if she isn’t meeting your expectations. This is really way over the top and difficult to imagine that you are serious about this, because it’s so utterly blind to think the way you describe and to act in such an abusive manner.

You are setting your wife up for an emotional breakdown and an exit affair. She is trapped. How do you think she’s going to get out of that trap? Find someone else to support her. Don’t be shocked if she leaves you and takes your children with her, along with taking at least half of everything you own. Don’t be surprised if she is already looking for a way out already.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Cowboy263 Could you please check your PM inbox, please? (It's marked 'Conversations.')

Thank you.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Quickest way to get over it is to divorce. Or, maybe she should be allowed to have sex with other men to even things out. Seems fair, eh?


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

I'm also betting that you make her do things in bed that she's not into. Force her into it.
You sound like that kinda guy. This ***** is my property


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

*Moderator notice:-* @Cowboy263 Please respond to the Message sent to you by the Moderation Team in your Conversation inbox.


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