# Alcohol addiction



## 3plus3

My boyfriend (used to be fiance until I called it off recently) is heavily addicted to alcohol. He can only go one day without some. That's it. Tops, I haven't seen him go more than that. It is getting to the breaking point with me. Because he will go to a friends house and get so drunk that he won't come home. Some times it has been for at least 2 days before I saw him again. He is 39. So shouldn't he have all this partying and drinking out of his system by now?:scratchhead:


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## draconis

Alcoholics are not that way. My father-in-law is 20 years sober and still struggles with it. If your boyfriend doesn't get some help somewheres then he will always be like this. AA is a very sobering experience to hear what people have thrown away, lost or almost lost. It is also a very humbling experience.

draconis


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## SageMother

It sounds as if he grew up with alot of restrictions and cut loose late in life. Maybe he "should" have had this out of his system but it isn't. You have done what is best for your life, can now move on.

As much as it might hurt, you have shown wisdom in not insisting he change his behavior.


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## bmtgrl

Don't marry him! He needs to get help. AA is a good thing. My brother has been sober for I think 9 or 10 years. IF he get's help and gets better, alcaholism is a disease, than you can consider marrying him.


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## riskey58

My husband had a problem with alcohol for years. It just seemed like it would never stop. I raised two kids mainly by myself, because he was always drinking. I should have left looking back I see what a terrible life my kids had because of it, and it is something they will never forget. My kids are married have their own family, and I couldn't ask for two better kids. But if I had too do it again I would have made the move and gave them a better life. My husband has not drank in two years, and I hope it stays that way.


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## draconis

riskey58 said:


> My husband had a problem with alcohol for years. It just seemed like it would never stop. I raised two kids mainly by myself, because he was always drinking. I should have left looking back I see what a terrible life my kids had because of it, and it is something they will never forget. My kids are married have their own family, and I couldn't ask for two better kids. But if I had too do it again I would have made the move and gave them a better life. My husband has not drank in two years, and I hope it stays that way.



Good for him and you. I wish you the best.

draconis


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## SageMother

bmtgrl said:


> Don't marry him! He needs to get help. AA is a good thing. My brother has been sober for I think 9 or 10 years. IF he get's help and gets better, alcaholism is a disease, than you can consider marrying him.


Though I can appreciate the hope, I think it would be a waste of time to step back into the relationship, even if he stops drinking.

A new life should be growing for her, and should be growing fast enough that she will be out of his reach when he finally gets things straightened out with himself.


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## riskey58

I thank you. I just take day by day, and so far so good.


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## 3plus3

He really didn't have a restrictive upbringing. In fact he was born addicted to alcohol/drugs. His mother never really raised him, his grandmother did. Never knew his father. Started drinking when he was 9 and hasn't stopped. He can slow down if he wants to, I have saw him only consume about 22 ounces of alcohol a day if he wanted. But then I have also saw him consume an 18 pack of alcohol in a day if he wanted to.


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## clara

Run!!! and don't look back. People like that don't change! Find someone you don't have to "fix" simply because you can't fix someone else, only yourself. Be smart PLEASE, don't waste any more time on this guy, even if you love him. Love turns bitter after so long of not being loved and respected back and an addiction like his won't allow for anything else in his life.


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## Honey

3plus3 said:


> My boyfriend (used to be fiance until I called it off recently) is heavily addicted to alcohol. He can only go one day without some. That's it. Tops, I haven't seen him go more than that. It is getting to the breaking point with me. Because he will go to a friends house and get so drunk that he won't come home. Some times it has been for at least 2 days before I saw him again. He is 39. So shouldn't he have all this partying and drinking out of his system by now?:scratchhead:


No, some will party to the end. I hope he will get help before this happens to him.


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## Honey

clara said:


> Run!!! and don't look back. People like that don't change! Find someone you don't have to "fix" simply because you can't fix someone else, only yourself. Be smart PLEASE, don't waste any more time on this guy, even if you love him. Love turns bitter after so long of not being loved and respected back and an addiction like his won't allow for anything else in his life.


:iagree: So very true, hun.


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## carpetcal

3plus3 said:


> My boyfriend (used to be fiance until I called it off recently) is heavily addicted to alcohol. He can only go one day without some. That's it. Tops, I haven't seen him go more than that. It is getting to the breaking point with me. Because he will go to a friends house and get so drunk that he won't come home. Some times it has been for at least 2 days before I saw him again. He is 39. So shouldn't he have all this partying and drinking out of his system by now?:scratchhead:


be very careful luv. i have been with a man for 8 years now who is in the pub every night for the last three years. he didnt start out like that. we were together for two years then he lost his job. he got another job but by that time he had gotten into a habit of going to the pub from 3 till about 7 or eight every night. weekends hes in there from early afternoon till early evening. because he doesnt go late at night he thinks its ok. but he has at least 6 pints every night and becomes argumentative and picky. picky at everything. he causes rows and even if i go to bed, when he comes up he will start again. i cry all the time. i havent the courage to go as i have a small shop and run a business. my children cant stand him, his own children cant stand him and i'm just dragging him out of the pub all the time begging him to come home to the tea i cook every night. i am not a strong person i wish i was and people who tell you to go often dont realise its easier to say than to do, but if youre not married yet and dont live together, then make a break now. it does not get better. they end up lying about how much they have had and end up driving drunk or over the limit. my husband could drink 12 pints and still be standing and drive home. i thought about shopping him once for his own sake but think they record the voice so he would know it was me if they played it back. he spends 800 pounds a month in the pub on beer and ****. i dont drink a lot or smoke and we rarely go out as he has already been out by the time i get home from work. he doesnt help in the house, but works hard at work. i keep thinking he might change but every threat i have goven meets with an "ok" then. so if i stay or go i mean nothing yet " he loves me more than life itself" // am confused and to everyone else i always put make up on never go out scruffy and can look like i am happy but underneath it all i am really lonely and sad. i often think of suicide.


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## carpetcal

carpetcal said:


> be very careful luv. i have been with a man for 8 years now who is in the pub every night for the last three years. he didnt start out like that. we were together for two years then he lost his job. he got another job but by that time he had gotten into a habit of going to the pub from 3 till about 7 or eight every night. weekends hes in there from early afternoon till early evening. because he doesnt go late at night he thinks its ok. but he has at least 6 pints every night and becomes argumentative and picky. picky at everything. he causes rows and even if i go to bed, when he comes up he will start again. i cry all the time. i havent the courage to go as i have a small shop and run a business. my children cant stand him, his own children cant stand him and i'm just dragging him out of the pub all the time begging him to come home to the tea i cook every night. i am not a strong person i wish i was and people who tell you to go often dont realise its easier to say than to do, but if youre not married yet and dont live together, then make a break now. it does not get better. they end up lying about how much they have had and end up driving drunk or over the limit. my husband could drink 12 pints and still be standing and drive home. i thought about shopping him once for his own sake but think they record the voice so he would know it was me if they played it back. he spends 800 pounds a month in the pub on beer and ****. i dont drink a lot or smoke and we rarely go out as he has already been out by the time i get home from work. he doesnt help in the house, but works hard at work. i keep thinking he might change but every threat i have goven meets with an "ok" then. so if i stay or go i mean nothing yet " he loves me more than life itself" // am confused and to everyone else i always put make up on never go out scruffy and can look like i am happy but underneath it all i am really lonely and sad. i often think of suicide.


oh and we are 46 so its not as if we are really young.


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## voivod

funny thing, addiction. are you or aren't you an addict? i ask myself that every day. i've only been sober since may 19th. i have no physical signs of addiction. no cravings, no dt, no really anything. i do AA meetings almost as a stopgap. so i can say i go. also to hear the other side. lots of people backslide. i don't wanna end up that way. maybe my ego. 

i can tell you this. regardless of your situation with your ex-fiance', i will never have another drink. consequences for me: health, family. truly, if you had to win a bet whether someone will always be a drunk, bet on me and say he won't. you'd win.

so i'm kinda offended by those here who say things like "don't marry him" and "he'll always be that way." just my two cents.


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## Honey

voivod said:


> funny thing, addiction. are you or aren't you an addict? i ask myself that every day. i've only been sober since may 19th. i have no physical signs of addiction. no cravings, no dt, no really anything. i do AA meetings almost as a stopgap. so i can say i go. also to hear the other side. lots of people backslide. i don't wanna end up that way. maybe my ego.
> 
> i can tell you this. regardless of your situation with your ex-fiance', i will never have another drink. consequences for me: health, family. truly, if you had to win a bet whether someone will always be a drunk, bet on me and say he won't. you'd win.
> 
> so i'm kinda offended by those here who say things like "don't marry him" and "he'll always be that way." just my two cents.


Good to hear that you cleaned up your act. Way to go ! :smthumbup:


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## kprtyqn

I know this is, my husband was a raging alcoholic in all his years. His x took 23yrs of abuse from it and the children have seen many things while growing up
When we met he had gone thru a year without drinking, attended AA but he slips now and again. He says he cares about his health and all but cant go a day without a few cups. He says he isnt like what he used to be, but to me.....what is that supposed to mean if you still cant remember anything you do past 5 minutes, cant remember what you were told an hr ago and still have your angered moments and still hit? Sure maybe the severity of things have lessened but still there.
I have tried hard to protect my stepsons since him and I have been together as I know what they had to go thru. He was honest in telling me some of the stories tho i know he has too much pride and ego to tell the "correct" version of the truth, much less all of it. He knows he did wrong then but rarely will he admit how seriously wrong of the damaged he caused that will be lifetime memories to the kids.


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## voivod

kprtyqn said:


> I know this is, my husband was a raging alcoholic in all his years. His x took 23yrs of abuse from it and the children have seen many things while growing up
> When we met he had gone thru a year without drinking, attended AA but he slips now and again. He says he cares about his health and all but cant go a day without a few cups. He says he isnt like what he used to be, but to me.....what is that supposed to mean if you still cant remember anything you do past 5 minutes, cant remember what you were told an hr ago and still have your angered moments and still hit? Sure maybe the severity of things have lessened but still there.
> I have tried hard to protect my stepsons since him and I have been together as I know what they had to go thru. He was honest in telling me some of the stories tho i know he has too much pride and ego to tell the "correct" version of the truth, much less all of it. He knows he did wrong then but rarely will he admit how seriously wrong of the damaged he caused that will be lifetime memories to the kids.



in AA, once in a while you'll hear of "wreckage from the past." it is what it is. we alcoholics all have some and it's pretty embarrasing, saddens us too because "why the f did we do that when we KNEW what the result would be?" unfortunately, we only know what the result would be with the clarity of our new-found sobriety. 

it's just now, almost 5 months into my new life of sobriety, that my 16 year old daughter will hold civil conversation with me. she saw the "wreckage" and as a teenager partial to her mother (i don't blame her for trying to protect mom) her way to punish me for my behavior was to treat me like 
$#!t. again, i don't blame her. she's a teenager, not very well-equipped to deal with alcoholics.

there are things that i am always going to remember one way while everyone else is going to remember another. it sucks, but that's our life. we'll tell half truths because that's what our brains let us deal with.


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