# Dependency on Ultram



## stevehowefan

I had a problem with a drug called Ultram. It ran my life for about five years. I was wounded by an IED in 2005 Al-Anbar, Iraq and for pain, I received a prescription for Ultram in January of 2009. I had taken my first Lortab in August of 2008 and what a rush that was. At first Ultram was a miracle drug. I was pain free AND depression free. It acted on some receptors that just made me, "happy." I was on it about a year and a half when one day, I decided enough was enough. I didn't take my dose that morning and by 12 that day, I was in the bed. To make a long story shorter, I withdrew for a week: no sleep; no cognitive skills; no energy; no life. I stayed clean for two months and fell back into the trap. I did the on/off thing for the next 3.5 years. Each time I quit, I had mini withdrawals of about four or five days... I never got well. I'd always go back after a week. Finally, with Divine Intervention, the need and want for Ultram was removed. That was December 23rd, 2013. I STILL have days where I feel blah. (PAWS) I never got carried away with the amount of pills. I've read where some people would take 90 a day, not that it makes me a "better" person than them.


Things that would help me and still helps me:

I've replaced the need for drugs with the need for exercise. I lift/run five to six days a week. If I am going to have a "thing," it may as well be exercise. I don't exercise for more than an hour when I do, though. 

I am daily reminded when I look at my children and wife why the need to remain sober exists. They deserve better. 

I am in prayer daily that God will continue to allow me to abstain from it. I've had many opportunities to indulge but felt no inclination to do so. To me there's only one explanation and that's God. 

All within a three month period, I quit cussing, taking Ultram, and abstaining from porn. 


I used to watch Intervention and convince myself that I was NOT like them. The joke was on me.


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## stevehowefan

This also had an adverse affect on marriage, as one could imagine. I suffer from PTSD, and this was my way of medicating. When I would withdraw or be on Ultram for a period of time, I would be short-tempered. I became somewhat of an invalid, to my wife at least. She felt like she needed to watch me and "protect" me. And as one can imagine, this does NOT make a woman feel wanted when she has to "protect" you. She was also LD, sexually, and this alienated me further. I became "whiny." It would be bad enough some days I would say things like, "I am done forever with this stuff!" I would then go throw my pills out in the yard, only to come back a few hours later, telling myself that I would quit tomorrow. I would pick the pills up, and in several instances after rain and their dissolving in the rain, put them in my mouth. I would do this collecting of pills, even from our garbage can. 


In the 16 months or so that it has been since I quit, my marriage has never been better and my relationship with me children is still awesome. I feel like they have the real me. Anyone suffering from some sort of addiction, just know that you too can beat that crap.


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## stevehowefan

weon said:


> It's good that you beat it but that doesn't mean everyone else can beat it.


I wouldn't say I have beaten it. There's always that chance I could go back. I have to be vigilant.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Going cold turkey and/or without medical advice and oversight on withdrawing is not safe for you or for your family. Why do that when the providers who prescribed it would be more than happy to help you seek alternative treatment. 

People should not have to suffer, there are many alternatives to choose from, all of which are freely available to vets. 

Before taking matters into your own hands, discuss with a medical provider. You might be surprised at the number of alternative and homeopathic treatments are available to veterans. Accupuncture, etc. Native Americans have additional options for approved and reimbursed healing. 

Don't run the risk of being a statistic and ending up in the news...
OK, well some people say they don't trust the medical providers. You can choose your own provider, you don't have to stick with the one that's assigned to you. And now there are even more options, if you don't live close to a VAMC. Veterans are those who take a duty to protect...how is going off meds cold turkey protecting anyone? Running a risk among civilian population...not nice, not admirable.

Your wife could have got therapy and learned not to be codependent. Anyone with a spouse/partner with any kind of dependency needs to realize that they have a duty to protect their relationship from 100% caregiving mode, and to communicate what it is that makes them feel wanted/attractive, etc. It's ridiculous for any grown person to be dependent on another grown person to stoke their sexual desire...if you think you own all of that you are mistaken, she has a responsibility as a full grown woman to deal with her own issues, sexual and otherwise.

For myself, I left my kids' dad and took my kids when I discovered he went off a medication without consulting with his doctor (or telling me...) although it was obvious and he confirmed when confronted... Unsafe...I was sleeping with my door barricaded at night. No way for any spouse to live.

Just because you came out okay (for now) doesn't mean other people (or their families or coworkers, etc.) will have similar results. It would be great if they did, but it's really ill-advised. 

There are more people involved in self-directed cold turkey programs than just one.

For all you know, your wife has been crushing pills and putting them in your meals. :-| It's been known to happen, although of course completely illegal unless there is guardianship involved, and even then it's unethical. Not that your wife would do it, really, but it's something that people should consider...their families might resort to whatever they have to do to keep an even keel for themselves.


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## SecondTime'Round

I admit I don't know what that drug is, but why was it so bad to be on it when it seems like it was helping you?

With that said, I'm very glad for you that you're finding help in more natural ways! .


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## kristin2349

SecondTime'Round said:


> I admit I don't know what that drug is, but why was it so bad to be on it when it seems like it was helping you?
> 
> With that said, I'm very glad for you that you're finding help in more natural ways! .


Ultram (Tramadol) is a sneaky drug in many ways. It was introduced as a non-narcotic non-addictive painkiller. 

Leave it to big pharma, it is addictive and and many people find themselves hooked because doctors prescribe it freely. It can't just be discontinued "cold turkey" by most people without significant discomfort and withdrawal symptoms. Not quite as bad as an opiate detox but still uncomfortable especially since most patients were told it wasn't addictive. I had a friend suffer a grand mal seizure after quitting cold turkey. OP was fortunate.


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## SecondTime'Round

kristin2349 said:


> Ultram (Tramadol) is a sneaky drug in many ways. It was introduced as a non-narcotic non-addictive painkiller.
> 
> Leave it to big pharma, it is addictive and and many people find themselves hooked because doctors prescribe it freely. It can't just be discontinued "cold turkey" by most people without significant discomfort and withdrawal symptoms. Not quite as bad as an opiate detox but still uncomfortable especially since most patients were told it wasn't addictive. I had a friend suffer a grand mal seizure after quitting cold turkey. OP was fortunate.


Ah ok. My STBX was on that, briefly, for trigeminal neuralgia. I don't remember it being addictive. 

Thank you for your explanation.


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## kristin2349

Lots of people take it with no issue like so many drugs, even the highly addictive ones.

Ultram until recently was not a controlled substance so you could buy it online really easily. It is now being recognized as mildly addictive with potential for abuse.


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## jdawg2015

I was on these for about 6 months after major shoulder surgery (clavicle protruded skin after bicycle vs Chevy Tahoe).

Can easily see how one could get addicted when you have chronic pain.

In my case once I built strength on the shoulder to help with stability then I was able to ween off the Ultram. But there was 6 months where I had to take them daily or just be irritable from non-stop pain in my shoulder and bicep.


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## EI

Thank you for sharing this. I salute you for realizing that you had a problem, and your determination to rise above it. I also respect your acknowledgment that you don't beat addiction. Addiction is a part of you and relapse is always a possibility. That kind of self awareness is what empowers an addict, who is in recovery, to remain vigilant and to never let their guard down. An addict can't taper off, can't have just a few drinks, pills, etc. To remain sober, there can be no drug use, no alcohol consumption, no use of any potentially addictive substances. 

Only by the grace of God, are my husband and I are not addicts. Four of our 5 children are not addicts, but one of them is. He didn't choose addiction, it chose him. There are members of both of our extended families who have struggled with addiction. There is absolutely a genetic pre-disposition for it. 

For our son, addiction first reared its ugly head, 4 years ago, in his senior year of high school. He shattered his knee playing football. Four surgeries, including a cadaver knee transplant, countless hours of PT, and 17 months later, he was finally dismissed from his orthopedic knee surgeon. It was then that he was abruptly cut off from the ongoing stream of Oxycodone that he had been prescribed throughout. That's when he realized that he had a problem. He didn't admit it to us until early last year. Of course, that's when the all the pieces of the dysfunction and chaos in his life started making sense to us. 

I should probably start my own thread instead of hijacking yours. I guess I just wanted to say thank you for giving me a little bit of hope that there might be brighter days ahead. I wish you only the very best in your continued commitment to remain drug free.


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