# Feeling Trapped in a Revolving Door



## ANM0843 (Jun 25, 2015)

I am posting this for advice.

My husband and I been married for 3 1/2 years. 

YEAR 1
Before we got married he was complaining about not having a lot of sex. At that time he was complaining, something with my hormones just felt off. I just wasn't into having sex during our engagement. About 1 month to 1 1/2 month, I found that I was 4 months pregnant. Now, we know why there is a lack of sex. We then got married. About a week into our marriage, my husband is still complaining that I am not fulfilling my wifely duties, and that he is tired of begging me. Not only is he tired of begging, but he made threats of going outside of the marriage. So I did what I could do to please him sexually while still pregnant. He didn't like it. He called me lazy. I asked to compromise for me. I am doing the best I can while being pregnant. He then started to leave me home by myself-still pregnant. I wouldn't see him to the next day. I found out that he was meeting women at the bars, and asking to spend time with them. At this point, I held in the disappointment. I'm in my last trimester. The only thing that I am worried is a healthy baby. 
I had my daughter. While nursing,and healing from the labor, my husband didn't help me at all. He continued to care on with his infidelities. Finally, I packed up my stuff and left for a couple days. My husband begged me to come back. He said to give him a another chance, and he will be a better husband. 

YEAR 2
We are together, but he is back to his old self. Now, he has started sexting other women, and contacting women on backpage. He has a new complaint. I am not showing him any attention and no affection. I am still not fulfilling my "wifely duties". We have new baby. I am nursing, and I am primary caregiver for our daughter. Not to mention, I am cooking and cleaning from him. I am still trying to please him sexually, but he still is not happy with the frequency. Again, I confronted him about how he is treating and that I am doing my best to make him happy. Meanwhile, I am slowly sinking into a depressive state. While I am trying to make him happy, my happiness is gone. I realized that this marriage is unequal. I am catering more to his needs and mines are going unmet. But as a good wife, I still did my best for him. Later, I found out that my husband was having an actual serious affair with a co-worker. I asked him to leave, but he wouldn't leave. He believe that he had every rights to live in the same household as me while in another relationship. So he has shown me that he has no respect for me. He over heard me talking to Divorce Lawyer, and quickly changed his tuned. I heard the same sorry apology. But because I love him so much, I am willing to give him another chance. The affair ended shortly afterwards. 

YEAR 3
This time we are at odds over finances. I work part time. Due to the fact, that I have no help with my child. Child care is too expensive. I was giving up my whole paycheck. My husband would still complain that it's not enough. He would call me lazy. That I need to get a better job. Yet, I am doing what I can considering no help from him or family to help me with my daughter. I later found out that he was back to the same tricks. Talking to other women and sexting again. I confronted him about this. He says that it's just in innocent talks. He just playing games with these other women. So, I started to plan for separation.

Year 3 1/2
Currently, we are separated. We have been separated for 1 1/2 months. He claims that he wants his family back. He wants to do right by us and make me happy. I found out again that he was texting other women. Telling him how much he missed them, Can't wait to see this person. I confronted him about all the lies he has told me. He gave me the apology. He says that his reason is that he tried of coming home to no one. I told him that all he had to for once was just love, care and respect me. He got word that I was filing for divorce. However, I am stuck in a sticky position. I am currently living with one of parents and it's not the healthiest environment for my child. So I considered of giving my husband another chance. We have agreed that if things don't improve the I can file for divorce. However, I am kind of want to just file for divorce anyways. It is long over due. I'm tired of being trapped in this revolving door with my marriage. 

I love him, but it's more about me. So I give another chance or just divorce myself
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tryingpatience (May 7, 2014)

Move on. You don't deserve the disrespect. In a span of 3-4 years he's just shown you his true character. He won't change. He'll always come up for a reason to cheat. Unless there is abuse involved how can living and being miserable with a cheater be any better than living with your parents? Your child is beginning to understand more and more. You don't want her exposed to anything toxic.

You need to implement the 180 now.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

I usually agree that people should get second chances in a marriage especially when there are children in the picture but your husband has had more than enough changes to change and he never changes. He is selfish. All he cares about is that he is happy and satisfied. It wouldn't surprise me if you aren't giving him enough sex I wouldn't want to have sex with him either. He shouldn't be married, he likes a variety of women and he won't stay faithful to you.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Divorce. As soon as possible. Your H has already proven over and over and over that he will never treat you with respect, ever. And he's proven over and over that he will cheat on you, always. 

The really big question is why you would even consider staying married to him. Seriously. Give a lot of thought to why you have been willing to put up with his behavior this long.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Serial cheaters very rarely change. You will never find peace as long as you're with him. Time to move on.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

You WH will not change, he will keep making promises and break them. He needs to lose everything, he almost has but he knows he still has you on a leash. Do not the let circumstances with living without him deter you from leaving and divorcing him. He has no respect for and no boundaries, you will be much better off without him.
YOu sound quite young and you deserve a man who will treat you with respect and love you and not cheat on you over and over.

Get out now.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

You've already given him years' worth of second chances. Chance 1001 isn't going to turn out any different than chances 1 through 1000.

It's obvious this guy doesn't want his wife to be a life partner he respects and supports in return. He wants a source of sex, money, housekeeping and childcare, and to give nothing back in return. He doesn't care anything about you beyond your ability to provide those things, and apparently you didn't even do those jobs to his full satisfaction anyway. You certainly don't want to raise your daughter in an environment where she'll think this is normal in marriage!

I think you should put distance between yourself and him, and seriously analyze why you would believe this is love for so long. Because it isn't.

Your revolving door analogy is spot on. You are spinning in an endless limbo of misery, little better than a slave to your husband's whims. Now and then your husband lets you see a brief glimpse of a world where everything might turn out okay so you stay in the revolving door in the hopes of being able to stop there and get out, but it's never actually going to happen. Hit the stop button yourself and get out on your own terms.


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