# Advice-friend too friendly with husband?



## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

I have been friends with this woman for a little over a year and we have gotten very close. She has mentioned a few times that my husband is good looking and just generally talks about how great he is after a few drinks. I have felt like she was a little flirty with him but then rationalized that I was overreacting. 

However, I think she may have pushed my buttons one too many times. My husband was at the gym running on the treadmill with his headphones on and she approached him, stopped until he took his headphones off to "say hi". Then tried to make small talk to which my husband cut her short. 

The next week she was at my house having a few glasses of wine and girl talk and when my husband got home from work she started talking to him about something that is irrelevant. Well, I joined in the conversation and she actually told me that they were talking and for me to let him talk! lol. I didn't think too much of it at the time because like I said drinks were flowing. But it really bothered me the next day. She also touched my husband on the arm when she was talking to him that day as well which she has done before and I find disrespectful. 

I have no reason to worry as my husband does not find her attractive in the least and he has been faithful and is a very good husband. I just feel disrespected and amused that she actually thinks she has a chance with him (if that is the case). 

So my question is, am I over reacting? At this point I have cut her off and ignored her but don't feel the need to say anything as we have to be civil and around each other in the future for professional reasons.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

peachesncream said:


> I have been friends with this woman for a little over a year and we have gotten very close. She has mentioned a few times that my husband is good looking and just generally talks about how great he is after a few drinks. I have felt like she was a little flirty with him but then rationalized that I was overreacting.
> 
> However, I think she may have pushed my buttons one too many times. My husband was at the gym running on the treadmill with his headphones on and she approached him, stopped until he took his headphones off to "say hi". Then tried to make small talk to which my husband cut her short.
> 
> ...


Yeah, she's on the prowl. Of all of the things here, what I bolded above is probably the biggest and most obvious shot across your bow and what would have probably bothered me more than anything else. She reprimanded you in front of your husband about how you were treating him...that takes some audacity. How did your husband react to that?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

peachesncream said:


> So my question is, *am I over reacting?* At this point I have cut her off and ignored her but don't feel the need to say anything as we have to be civil and around each other in the future for professional reasons.


No, you are not overreacting.

Cut this toxic wench out of your life in all areas except when you have to deal with her professionally. A "friend" does not flirt with another friend's husband. She is no friend to you or your marriage.

Avoid social outings where you know she will be, and certainly don't invite her to any social gatherings at your place. Ignore any chatting via text/email unless it is work related.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

samyeagar said:


> Yeah, she's on the prowl. Of all of the things here, what I bolded above is probably the biggest and most obvious shot across your bow and what would have probably bothered me more than anything else. She reprimanded you in front of your husband about how you were treating him...that takes some audacity. How did your husband react to that?



He just smirked and rolled his eyes. He doesn't really like her to begin with. Well the responses here have helped me to confirm my suspicions. I guess I just wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt as I DID really care about our friendship. It is so hard to have other female relationships in this day and age.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> No, you are not overreacting.
> 
> Cut this toxic wench out of your life in all areas except when you have to deal with her professionally. A "friend" does not flirt with another friend's husband. She is no friend to you or your marriage.
> 
> Avoid social outings where you know she will be, and certainly don't invite her to any social gatherings at your place. Ignore any chatting via text/email unless it is work related.


Thank you! I will definitely take your advice!


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

peachesncream said:


> He just smirked and rolled his eyes. He doesn't really like her to be begin with. Well the responses here have helped me to confirm my suspicions. I guess I just wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt as I DID really care about our friendship. It is so hard to have other female relationships in this day and age.


This is one of those situations that you need to "listen to your gut"...Something about this woman and the way she interacts with your H is off to you. Pay attention to that. 

A good girlfriend would never flirt with your husband, she isn't worth keeping around. Better safe than sorry.


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## Tubbalard (Feb 8, 2015)

Just because your husband says he doesn't find her attractive doesn't mean anything. She could look like shrek and make a man weak. This is not to indict your husband, but I'm relaying the fact that men would have sex with women who they neccesarily wouldn't find attractive. Whether your friend is Ursala's sister keep these witches away from your husband, especially if their single. Cut her off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Nip it in the bud!


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Tubbalard said:


> Just because your husband says he doesn't find her attractive doesn't mean anything. She could look like shrek and make a man weak. This is not to indict your husband, but *I'm relaying the fact that men would have sex with women who they neccesarily wouldn't find attractive.* Whether your friend is Ursala's sister keep these witches away from your husband, especially if their single. Cut her off.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some men. I for one would not fall into that category, so it is quite possible her husband would not either. Hell, I've passed up sex with plenty of women I have found extremely attractive.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

It sounds like your husband has good boundaries and you are doing a good job of mate guarding.
There may come a point where you have to tell her to f^ck off and cut ties totally just saying enough of the games.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

Yes, I definitely don't turn a blind eye to things but I have been with my husband since we were teenagers and he has always been loving, respectful and has never given me a reason to suspect him of any wrongdoing which is probably a lot of why she finds him so attractive. She has a long time boyfriend but he does not treat her very well. I should have listened to my gut a long time ago with her but didn't want to admit that she was, as another posted put it, a toxic wench, which is what I totally think of her now! Thanks for all the replies!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

karole said:


> Nip it in the bud!


Do not feel bad for downshifting the friendship with her. Don't have a discussion with her about it because she will accuse you being jealous and insecure. And may even tell other people about it.

Since this happened to me in my first marriage, don't hassle your husband with it. If you don't like the way any of your friends behave around your husband, then only socialise with them in ways and at times, that your husband and your friend will not cross paths.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> Do not feel bad for downshifting the friendship with her. Don't have a discussion with her about it because she will accuse you being jealous and insecure. And may even tell other people about it.
> 
> Since this happened to me in my first marriage, don't hassle your husband with it. If you don't like the way any of your friends behave around your husband, then only socialise with them in ways and at times, that your husband and your friend will not cross paths.


^ This. If your husband has not done anything wrong (sounds like he hasn't) try to keep him out of it and tackle this lady on head first (literally if that is what you need to do  ). She is definitely fishing around, maybe just for the thrill of getting the attention of a married man or maybe for something more ... don't even give her that chance


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

You guys are great. I will have to stick around for a while! I've lurked before but this is my first post


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

I say slowly cut her out of your life, but don't confront her. She will just deny it and get really mad at you, you don't need to defend your position to her but she will try to make you do just that if you say anything to her about it.

It isn't worth it. Just stop calling her, stop returning her calls, keep saying you are busy, eventually she will give up.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> *Don't have a discussion with her about it* because she will accuse you being jealous and insecure. And may even tell other people about it.
> 
> Since this happened to me in my first marriage, don't hassle your husband with it. If you don't like the way any of your friends behave around your husband, then *only socialise with them in ways and at times, that your husband and your friend will not cross paths.*





Faithful Wife said:


> I say slowly cut her out of your life, but *don't confront her.* She will just deny it and get really mad at you, you don't need to defend your position to her but she will try to make you do just that if you say anything to her about it.
> 
> It isn't worth it. Just stop calling her, stop returning her calls, keep saying you are busy, eventually she will give up.


*^ ^ ^ *

:iagree: with THIS!!! 

Don't say a WORD about it to the toxic wench because she will only use it to dig her tentacles deeper.

You simply "vaporize" her. She no longer exists in your social world. Your husband will never have occasion to see her again (nor her, him -- which is what SHE wants!)

She is simply "gone" from your social circle...

And, VOILA!!! Problem solved...

(Score: TAM: 1........ Wench: 0)

:lol:


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

Peachesncream:

You said she basically forced your H to acknowledge her when she saw him running at the gym. Were you there or did your H tell you about this?


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

happy as a clam said:


> *^ ^ ^ *
> 
> :iagree: with THIS!!!
> 
> ...


HAHA!! love it!


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> Peachesncream:
> 
> You said she basically forced your H to acknowledge her when she saw him running at the gym. Were you there or did your H tell you about this?


I wasn't there he told me. I asked him how his work out went and he said oh yeah your friend was there and stopped me to "say hi". I was like oh was she just passing by and wave or did she approach you? And that's when he told me he was approached with his headphones on and she stood there and waited for him to take them off. He takes his work outs seriously and was annoyed lol.

He is so dense about stuff like that I really don't think he thought anything but as a woman I know that is not really normal especially when it is your "friend's" husband. With everyone's replies I can't believe I was second guessing myself about her. ugh. LESSON LEARNED :/


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## kristin2349 (Sep 12, 2013)

peachesncream said:


> I wasn't there he told me. I asked him how his work out went and he said oh yeah your friend was there and stopped me to "say hi". I was like oh was she just passing by and wave or did she approach you? And that's when he told me he was approached with his headphones on and she stood there and waited for him to take them off. He takes his work outs seriously and was annoyed lol.
> 
> He is so dense about stuff like that I really don't think he thought anything but as a woman I know that is not really normal especially when it is your "friends" husband. With everyone's replies I can;t believe I was second guessing myself about her. ugh. LESSON LEARNED :/


Since there is a possibility of her seeing him at the gym in the future. I would mention to your H that you are distancing yourself from this woman because she has boundary issues with men. You don't have to say him specifically. But he should know.

When you drop her she may amp her attention toward him.

Just a possibility that you need to consider.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

kristin2349 said:


> Since there is a possibility of her seeing him at the gym in the future. I would mention to your H that you are distancing yourself from this woman because she has boundary issues with men. You don't have to say him specifically. But he should know.
> 
> When you drop her she may amp her attention toward him.
> 
> Just a possibility that you need to consider.


Agree 100% we a e close enough that I feel comfortable telling him how I feel. I've already told him to lmk if it happens again and if it does I plan to confront her as she is no threat to me personally or professionally. Otherwise I plan to let it go and ignore her texts and conversation attempts. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

I agree with the other posters in that you need to rid this woman from your life. I don't agree with being sneaky or vague about it though.

I'd simply tell her the truth. I'd tell her that you're sorry to not be able to continue your friendship but you feel she's been inappropriate and you're not comfortable with the way she is around your husband...and your husband isn't comfortable with it either...period. 

I wouldn't be embarrassed to tell anyone else that either. So what if she tells other people? She's going to talk about you if she wants to talk about you regardless once you cut her off.

I think women like this need to understand that their actions are not ok and they need to get feedback about it. Maybe next time, she'll consider her actions before she acts inappropriately with another woman's husband. Its also really important to let her know that you and your husband are on the same page so that she doesn't try to go behind your back and say something directly to him.

You don't have to make excuses for how you feel....its how you feel. You have every right to end a friendship for whatever reason you see fit. I think honesty is the best policy and will cause less drama and nonsense.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

peachesncream said:


> Well, I joined in the conversation and *she actually told me that they were talking and for me to let him talk!* lol. I didn't think too much of it at the time because like I said drinks were flowing. But it really bothered me the next day.* She also touched my husband on the arm when she was talking to him that day* as well which she has done before and I find disrespectful.
> 
> I have no reason to worry as my husband does not find her attractive in the least and he has been faithful and is a very good husband. I just feel disrespected and amused that she actually thinks she has a chance with him (if that is the case).
> 
> *So my question is, am I over reacting?* At this point I have cut her off and ignored her but don't feel the need to say anything as we have to be civil and around each other in the future for professional reasons.


No. You're not overreacting. She wants on your husband and you can sense it.

My first advice would be to shut her down. Stop having her over. She clearly has boundary issues and isn't a friend of yours/your marriage at al. Women's intuition goes a LONG way.

If you happen to be in the same place as her again and she gets all touchy with your husband, call her out on it. "Why you sure are a touchy person." 

Your mind isn't playing tricks on you.


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

_I have no reason to worry as my husband does not find her attractive in the least _

The pages of TAM are littered with spouses sleeping with people they supposedly couldn't stand.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

EnigmaGirl said:


> I agree with the other posters in that you need to rid this woman from your life. I don't agree with being sneaky or vague about it though.
> 
> I'd simply tell her the truth. I'd tell her that you're sorry to not be able to continue your friendship but you feel she's been inappropriate and you're not comfortable with the way she is around your husband...and your husband isn't comfortable with it either...period.
> 
> ...


I'm on the fence about confronting her. I've ignored several of text messages so I figure she will soon ask me why and I may just tell her.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

BWBill said:


> _I have no reason to worry as my husband does not find her attractive in the least _
> 
> The pages of TAM are littered with spouses sleeping with people they supposedly couldn't stand.


I can see the potential threat just saying she is not what I would consider a "worry" looks wise to put it nicely. But I agree with what everyone is saying. I can see how a man's brain could go for something just to be different.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Wow, when she tried to shut you down in front of your husband would have done it for me. I would've went off right on the spot because NO ONE the doesn't pay bills tells me what to do in my house. Hmph!

You are smart to cut her off now...


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

JustTired said:


> Wow, when she tried to shut you down in front of your husband would have done it for me. I would've went off right on the spot because NO ONE the doesn't pay bills tells me what to do in my house. Hmph!
> 
> You are smart to cut her off now...


Maybe she is secretly paying the bills and peaches doesn't know it yet :lol:


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

JustTired said:


> Wow, when she tried to shut you down in front of your husband would have done it for me. I would've went off right on the spot because NO ONE the doesn't pay bills tells me what to do in my house. Hmph!
> 
> You are smart to cut her off now...


I so wish I would have. I dont know why I didn't!one of those things you think about the perfect thing to say the next day. I think it was pure shock.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I don't know that you have reason to worry but anyone who has something they treasure would be foolish to not guard it. This woman doesn't need to be alone with your husband. I would not assume that a straight man doesn't find a woman attractive. Being attractive is less important than being easy, sometimes. When alcohol is flowing or when there are bumps in the marriage, a "5" can start looking like a "10" pretty easily. If you believe women have to be attractive to be sexual partners, go to WalMart and see who's walking around with kids. Any woman getting too close to your husband is a potential problem whether she openly expresses interest in him or not or whether he seems to find her attractive or not. You don't want to keep your man on a leash but you do need to stay aware and obviously act as if you have something worth protecting.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

unbelievable said:


> I don't know that you have reason to worry but anyone who has something they treasure would be foolish to not guard it. This woman doesn't need to be alone with your husband. I would not assume that a straight man doesn't find a woman attractive. Being attractive is less important than being easy, sometimes. When alcohol is flowing or when there are bumps in the marriage, a "5" can start looking like a "10" pretty easily. If you believe women have to be attractive to be sexual partners, go to WalMart and see who's walking around with kids. Any woman getting too close to your husband is a potential problem whether she openly expresses interest in him or not or whether he seems to find her attractive or not. You don't want to keep your man on a leash but you do need to stay aware and obviously act as if you have something worth protecting.


Agree. Great advice! Will definitely keep her far away from now on! She is attractive but just not what I would imagine to be his type so I definitely see what your saying/probably just being catty. Glad my eyes were opened.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

EllisRedding said:


> Maybe she is secretly paying the bills and peaches doesn't know it yet :lol:


I wish then I might share!! lol j/k


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## EnigmaGirl (Feb 7, 2015)

> I'm on the fence about confronting her. I've ignored several of text messages so I figure she will soon ask me why and I may just tell her.


I agree that you don't need to confront her but if she asks you directly why you don't want to spend time with her anymore, I'd tell her directly.

I guess I'm a very direct person in general and being vague about the reason comes off to me like you're not sure if you're doing something wrong. You aren't...she's been touchy and inappropriate with your husband. By telling her very bluntly, you can put her on the defensive and maybe in the future when she gets another good friend, she'll actually learn how to act appropriately. (I doubt it...but maybe).


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

EnigmaGirl said:


> I agree that you don't need to confront her but if she asks you directly why you don't want to spend time with her anymore, I'd tell her directly.
> 
> I guess I'm a very direct person in general and being vague about the reason comes off to me like you're not sure if you're doing something wrong. You aren't...she's been touchy and inappropriate with your husband. By telling her very bluntly, you can put her on the defensive and maybe in the future when she gets another good friend, she'll actually learn how to act appropriately. (I doubt it...but maybe).


Very true. It is very awkward tonjust ignore someone I talked to everyday , several times a day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

EnigmaGirl said:


> I agree that you don't need to confront her but if she asks you directly why you don't want to spend time with her anymore, I'd tell her directly.
> 
> I guess I'm a very direct person in general and being vague about the reason comes off to me like you're not sure if you're doing something wrong. You aren't...she's been touchy and inappropriate with your husband. By telling her very bluntly, you can put her on the defensive and maybe in the future when she gets another good friend, she'll actually learn how to act appropriately. (I doubt it...but maybe).


Very true. It is very awkward to just ignore someone I talked to everyday , several times a day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

This is a simple boundary issue. You feel she crossed a line. Get rid of her.

Now you can either just ignore her or tell her. Personally, I would tell her.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

peachesncream said:


> Very true. It is very awkward to just ignore someone I talked to everyday , several times a day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


you don't have to ignore. Just simply don't bring her around your husband. Don't have her at your house when your husband might be there in part or the whole time.

One thing I noticed with a couple of women in my first marriage is that when I stopped bringing my husband around, they don't stopped inviting me out and refused to commit to any suggestions to get together that I made. So your "friend" may "solve" your problem for you.

You have no obligation to produce your husband for anyone. And if you're asked, simply say he's busy. ....... because another thing I noticed was that anything that I said about my husband would then become fodder for conversation between woman "friend" and my husband. I realised that the less I said about my husband, the less conversational topics they had to work with.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

peachesncream said:


> Very true. It is very awkward tonjust ignore someone I talked to everyday , several times a day.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't believe I'd confront her. If you do, you run the risk of making her believe you perceive her as a legitimate threat which conveys the message to her that there is weakness in your marriage. I would avoid discussing any marital problems with her or any frustrations you might have about your husband. Again, you don't want to let this heifer see any cracks in your castle wall. You frequently talk to her anyway, so you might occasionally praise your husband to her, if you're out shopping with her, make a point of picking up something for him. Drop little subtle hints that you adore the man and that he returns the sentiment. I think you want to appear to be very confident but also aware.


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## peachesncream (Apr 20, 2015)

intheory said:


> peaches,
> I'm against opposite-sex-friendships after marriage. But it really does stink when you have to keep your guard up with your SAME-sex-friendships too, yuck.
> 
> Good luck to you.


Yes I too am against opposite sex friendships in my marriage and frankly won't tolerate anything other than co worker type contact at work.

It is really a bummer I truly cared about this friend-stupidly obviously. My mind has been wondering today if he did anything to make theses advances seem like it would be an ok thing to do. I don't really understand how a woman would go out of their way to flirt unless they saw an opening. But then again I don't understand how you would flirt with a friend's husband because it is not something I would be ok with morally. 

All of this makes me want to swear off any woman remotely in my age range. I have way many other things to worry about.


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