# Is this puberty ALREADY?!?



## Kukuy (Aug 2, 2012)

A little background:
As of August of last year the child's mother and i started the process of a divorce. Naturally, we do not live in the same house, the temporary orders have granted me custody and we are almost a year in the process and set to HOPEFULLY finish it soon... *cross fingers*

I tend to my kids needs as any parent would - school lunches, im involved with their schools, i do homework with them daily, we go out to places and do things both for structure and fun, wead books, watch TV, go out for walks, etc, etc... I have been taking them to a therapist to help them deal with the divorce but i think her mother and i have done a pretty good job of keeping things between her and I and making the divorce as easy as possibler on them.

Both kids are currently healthy, doing well in school, and seem to be perfectly ok until recently: Over the past few weeks my oldest daughter (she is 8) has caught a NASTY attitude! She goes through mood swings at the drop of a hat, she can go from cold to BOILING HOT in seconds, shere has been a lot of attitudes and picking on her little sister; when i ask her what is upsetting her she is not willing to talk, if she gets mad she "shuts down" and there is nothing that anyone will say to get her out of that state but usually it passes within a few minutes and she is often back to her regular fun loving self!

This is nothing new to me - her mother used to do this and while we never did any arguing in front of them i am fearful that she is taking on some of those traits! I have tried and explained to her that talking about her feelings is completely acceptable and it is usually the only way things can get fixed - when two people communicate, it opens the road to fix the cause of the problem.

Yes, I realize she is a girl and i am a man, but I have never had any issues with her or my other child communicating anything with me - we have been very open and that is something i have always taken pride in as honesty and openness is something i was not always able to get from their mother (lol) so this is very frustrating to me.

Some friends have mentioned that it may be the onset of puberty - cases and studies have shown that puberty is starting to hit females at a much earlier age than what would be considered normal and if that is the case, then so be it but I just hate to see her get so upset and seeing her feeling out of control is stressful as hell!

We typically do a "debriefing" after such an event and I do this to reassure her that noone is mad at her and that it is ok to be in a bad mood somedays but that acting out and lashing out at others is not always acceptable.

Is puberty really hitting this early now days?

any thoughts, concerns or input on this would be greatly appreciated!

Thank you


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kukuy said:


> A little background:
> As of August of last year the child's mother and i started the process of a divorce. Naturally, we do not live in the same house, the temporary orders have granted me custody and we are almost a year in the process and set to HOPEFULLY finish it soon... *cross fingers*
> 
> I tend to my kids needs as any parent would - school lunches, im involved with their schools, i do homework with them daily, we go out to places and do things both for structure and fun, wead books, watch TV, go out for walks, etc, etc... I have been taking them to a therapist to help them deal with the divorce but i think her mother and i have done a pretty good job of keeping things between her and I and making the divorce as easy as possibler on them.
> ...


This could be several things, all of which you need to seek help with.
It’s highly unlikely that she is starting puberty. Is she getting hair in her arm pits? Is she developing breasts? There are other signs besides bad attitudes that go along with puberty. You could take her to a pediatrician and have her checked out just to make sure. But it’s unlikely at this age.

An 8 year old is a child. Children act out their feelings, they seldom talk about them. To tell an 8 year old to talk about her feelings is not going to work. It’s a very high probability that she’s acting out her anger, concern, etc about the divorce. You might think that you have buffered her from it, but maybe from her point of view she has simply been encouraged to rug sweep her fears and concerns. I think you need to take her to a counselor… play therapy is what I’d recommend since she’s acting out (playing out) her feelings and not talking.

She might also have some learned behavior from her mother. A counselor can help nip this in the bud.

Your wife might have some issue like some level of BP disorder. Your daughter might now it due to her genetic. Again counseling will help to identify this.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Deleted my post. 

Ele nailed it.

Hair was the first sign, then breasts. And yes it came early. Probably around 9.


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## TikiKeen (Oct 14, 2013)

Welcome aboard!

When my d did that, I directly told her she was not allowed to have tantrums, even at her age, and that I'd be available in ten minutes when she was ready to talk peacefully. for the most part, it worked. Sometimes I had to tack on the idea of writing out why she mad, but usually she calmed herself and was able to ID her feelings after the ten minutes.


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## Kukuy (Aug 2, 2012)

Ever since the divorce started and honestly before we broke the news to the kids, I have been taking them to a counselor/therapist - my goal was to prevent them from shuitting down like her mother usually does, to play out their emotions and to answer any questions they may have but not want to ask me. 

The therapy sessions are for them alone, i dont go in there and only discuss things with the therapist if there is a concern that she feels we need to discuss - so far it has worked!

As far as the signs of puberty... she is a bit on the thick side, shes not a fat kid but she does have a bit of pre-teen chubbyness! She is developing breasts - we have implemented the use of bras (boy was that awkward... LOL) and they know the difference between boys and girls - to an extent so privacy and personal space is a big part of everyday life at home.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ok so you already know that she is going into puberty.

Be sure to tell the counselor of her new behavior patterns.

Teaching children to name their emotions is a good place to start. Once they have names for them, they can start to talk about what can be named.

You might just have a little drama queen on your hands. Being a drama queen can have a very high payoff. It makes her the center of attention. Good luck with that.

Thank goodness my little drama queen is now almost 24 and moved out a few years ago. She would not participate in counseling.. used it as a social event. She just did not want to give up the power the drama gave her.


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## Kukuy (Aug 2, 2012)

lol oh man... if she is like her mother i am SCREWED!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kukuy said:


> lol oh man... if she is like her mother i am SCREWED!


When I read what you write all I can see is my daughter (step daughter really).

This might be the time when you need to start therapy. 

You will need to learn some new parenting skills.

One I had to learn was not to burst out laughing when she would start to whine "Your ruining my life because ... (fill in the blank). I might as well die." :rofl:

Now that she's 23 she and I get a good laugh remembering all the times I ruined her life.


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