# Is online porn the reason for insecurity?



## Gracie (Jun 22, 2010)

I know for myself, everytime my exhusband would be online, looking at online porn it would make me feel like less of a woman. I would ask him why, what is the reason for looking at all of this evil smutt? He would say, I was looking at this type of stuff before you and I'm gonna look at it during and even after you if you know what I mean. I said that's not very smart, he said all I need is you baby. I said that is a old line. He said see baby, you alway's get me hard anyway, I said that's so sweet of you. This is a part of the reason why I wanted a divorce. I mean does it make me a bad person not seeing the way he does. Porn show's a man how to treat a woman like an object not a person. I alway's have felt like an object. Now he's all alone with his smutt and do not feel any sorrow for him what so ever.


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## KNA2009 (Jun 24, 2010)

Truly I have to tell you that, that is a poor way to look at things. Porn in a religious sense is considered "wrong". But if you two are kind of liberal I think it totally falls under the category as some fun to explore together. 

You have to also be aware of how men work. (most of them) Their minds need to be aroused and intrigued often with sexual things most out of fantasy. Not all porn is made to demean women. Most of them are willing participants. Even lots of couples post videos of their sexual episodes. You should be a lot more secure in your sexuality and know that your husband is still attracted to you and just enjoys "watching" sex. 

My husband watches online porn a lot and has an extensive porn library. I could care less. I only make fun or make an issue when he needs to masturbate even after we've had sex numerous times. Before him I watched porn for kicks and have become aroused when I was single and would rather enjoy myself than to be involved in meaningless sex while dating. 

What we do together is act out our fantasies. We videotape ourselves. (of course we don't post any online) We watch them later. I get dressed up in the things that he likes and performs certain acts. We talk dirty and we are a very satisfied married couple even though we just had twins 3 months ago. We find the time to make love and explore our sexual desires. The most secure things about what we do is that he loves me and is attracted to me (even though my stomach after four children is yucky), can't keep his hands off me, and I know he's not a cheater ever. Btw, we point out sexy or pretty women on TV and in public and talk about them to each other for kicks. Like how nice their butts are or how unattractive they may look and if he'd do them or I if I were a *****. 

Try to not feel this way and ask your husband to engage his fantasies with the one woman he can do it with legally.


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## Chopblock (Mar 21, 2008)

Asking a man to give up porn is like asking a woman to allow the toilet seat down (or any one of a hundred other things on either side that each person views as "shouldn't be made a huge deal of".

Asking him to give it up will either make him do it behind your back, or resent you outright. And rest assured he will throw that in your face every chance he gets.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

Porn is only a problem when it becomes an addiction. 

I watch porn, my husband watches porn, we both look at it as research, where else are you going to find new sex ideas and positions? (other than cosmo )

if he's turning you down for sex only to turn around and masterbate to porn, its a problem, but from what most of my buddies (guys) tell me, that 3 minutes of shot on action is enough visual to get the job done in times when they need to.

Humans are animalistic, we don't conciously act on our instincts, but we do it subconciously. men have a drive to bust that nut, by any means necessary, and if they don't it causes pain both mental and physical. (blue balls anyone?)

I'e caught my husband looking at porn, and laughed. Asked him why he didn't wake me up. The only thing it's ever taught him was new sex positions, ways to fling me around upside down and make me um..happy.

I am not a fan of strip clubs, I do not like the idea of naked woman rubbing on him for his pleasure, but if Im at work all night and he needs a nut, I am not offended by a porn session. It's not another woman, its not a stripper, its a video designed to empty you out so you don't build up.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

hmmm, seems porns in today/tonite.

i posted my view on this on other threads. i agree w/ addiction aspect as one of several potential problems, most of which requires introspection of how u r wired internally.

if u or the two of u have "problems" then i can see how its an easy way of falling into the porn cycle.
if yer mates freezing u out, i can see u compensating w/ porn.
if u r not sex-compatible w/ yer mate, again, in steps porn as a possibie answer/diversion.

not that i'm agreeing w/ the decision(s) to compensate, just that i can understand/sympathize w/ the drive, the hurt, whatever.
this isnt easy for me to say, as a guy, as we understand better the NEED for visualization thru the video media aspect more so
than most women. women on average, do better w/ sexy stories as thats how most of 'em are wired. my W, case in pt.
(i've seen studies in documentaries backing above statements)

but if u r truly ok w/ yer mate in all respects, esp concerning 
sex then i dont see the need for porn, which by the way, is pretty degrading to women, the last time i saw it. there are books and TV documentaries, and help grps that can assist u 
w/out the perversion that eventually(if not immediately) ensues from porn.

i'm not judging anyone, thats Gods domain only, but i am sharing my experience(s) limited as they it may be, 'cuz i've been on both sides of the tracks/fence in my lifetime.


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## MarriedWifeInLove (May 28, 2010)

Boy can I relate to this one, my husband looks at porn constantly. But, he's not masturbating to it, just looks at all types - he's disabled and doesn't work so he gets bored and porn is one of the things he does. 

I'm about to turn 50 this year and for the first time, him looking at porn (I do too) suddenly made me insecure, what? I believe that's because of hormones, pre-menopause, and just getting older in general started to affect my self-esteem in a way it had never done before (he's ALWAYS been into porn, magazines/video's before the invention of the internet). 

Through counselling on other issues, I have discovered the insecurity I was feeling was MY problem, not his. He is NOT turning to other women, just the way he's wired, bored, whatever - fantasy - he'll never meet these people and no woman would take him in the condition he's in anyway (ED, brain injury, medical issues, etc.) - LOL, I'm joking.

Anyway, I have rediscovered my self-esteem and I'm okay now. So regardless of what he's doing, what are YOU doing to yourself over it?


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

As a guy, I understand the allure of porn to guys. My wife and I had a discussion about this last week because of all of the threads we have seen on the board about it. 

Her reasoning for not liking porn is that she feels if I resort to watching porn, then she is failing her duties as a wife to keep me "happy". In her view if a guy is satisfied, he won't want to look at porn to get that extra kick.

My wife and I are very adventurous and we always work to keep things lively and interesting. In the 13 years we have been together there isn't much that we haven't already tried.

My own line of reasoning falls somewhere in line with my wifes as well with one added caveat. I've never been much at porn/strip clubs because whats the use of looking if you can't play? As I always like to say "I don't go to a restaurant just to smell the food". Porn for me is boring because in general they aren't doing anything different on screen then what we do in our bedroom. I'd rather be doing it, then watching it!

But, if someone feel unfulfilled sexually, I can see that they would use porn as a substitute. Some of my guy friends have wifes who feel sex should only be done one way. Missionary position every time without some play gets BORING! I think both spouses owe it to each other to indulge in each others fantasies from time to time. Even if its something you don't particularly want to do, to fulfill it for them makes a huge difference in your love life.


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## Anooniemouse (May 5, 2010)

CLucas976 said:


> Porn is only a problem when it becomes an addiction.
> .


I can think of some exceptions to that. Especially when the porn watched creates a strong desire for certain fantasies, and fetishes that simple incompatible with the relationship. Those can, and sometimes *DO* lead to people getting bored with their S/O, martial discord, and sometimes even infidelity, and divorce. 

I do agree that the purely puritanical view of things is usually not very helpful, but I wouldn't go as far as to call it all harmless. The images do have an effect after awhile, and they can lead to other problems such as the inability to get adequately aroused without porn.


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

I guess it would depend on how you use it.

I work nights, my husband works days, we see eachother briefly before he leaves, and when I come into work (we work at the same place)

I know that if he's at home and its been a while, he's going to look at porn to get the extra weight out of his boys.. I'm okay with that. 

I can confess I have give limits. I cannot except any sort of youtube stripper dances, because to me, those are real women and that hurts. (odd I think but so am I)

however, for our entire relationship I have never had an adverse effect, I still cannot strip without it being a personal show to him, he still can't keep his hands off me, and I need to do little more than walk through the room to spark his interest.

so perhaps its more of a difference of experience.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

My feeling on porn is that as long as it doesn't interfere with our sex life, and as long as he doesn't look at it alone and then immediately come to me for sex, I'm ok with it. I will watch it with him. It can be fun to watch together. Not only can it turn you on, but it can give you new ideas for things to try if you feel like you're stuck in a rut or something. In most cases, it's really just a harmless little fun. Yes, there are those who get addicted, and in that case it's an issue. I am an insecure woman, due to past history. My boyfriend has never done anything to add to or cause my insecurities, they are my own problems. And they could be triggered by him looking at porn, but only under certain circumstances. If he was looking at porn and we started making love less often, then it would be a problem. If he was looking at it every time before we make love and it began to feel as though it was the only way/time we could/did make love, then it would be a problem. 

To a point, I do think that if you've expressed to him how it makes you feel, then he should respect that and not view it. But on the other hand, if you felt that way about porn, that's something that should have come up while you were dating, so that if there was a difference of opinion (and clearly there was), you two could decide then if it could be worked out or not. Next time, just remember that and bring it up before marriage.


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