# Help!



## CarlaB1226 (Jul 10, 2009)

My husband and I got married young, we were both 18. we have been married for almost 5 years, dated for 5 before even getting married, and are currently expected our third child. Everything was great until last year when his brother's wife out of the blue decided she wanted a divorce and did so. I was so scared this was going to change everything becuase we were always really close with them and always went out together. 

First his brother stayed with us for awhile to not be alone after his 5 years of marriage. Then his brother started drinking really heavily and sleeping around with alot of women, young, old, pretty, not, it really did not matter who it was. I asked him to leave beucase I did not want that around my kids such an unstable lifestyle you know. 

Then my husband started going to see him all the time where he was started out once a week for a couple of hours to check on his brother. I did not mind. My husband is a good man who does not drink and he always came home around dinner anyways. 

But then it seemed like he started to enjoy living through his brother's single life and then it was every night he was going over there and then it turned into coming home at 10, 12, or even 3 to 4 in the morning. He even started back smoking after we both quiet when our first child was born. 

He says that I should not be bothered with it becuase I know where he is and who he is with and that it is not like he is out living how we used to live before we had the kids (long story), but honestly I don't know what he is doing or who he is with. I do know his brother has like 10 girlfriends who all have girlfriends and are always around his house and I don't think it is right for my husband to be hanging out at the playboy mansion while I am at home with 2 kids and one on the way worrying about him. 

He tells me that he is a grown man and that he will do what he wants but I feel like at this point if I wanted to be alone all the time then I wouldn't be married. 

I love him and don't want to divorce him. I don't know what to do. Everytime i talked iwth him he is better for a few days and then goes right back to where he was again. I feel as though me and the kids are his mistress and he is married to his brother. 

What should I do?


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

Thats a tough situation and I really feel for you.

You have every right to be angry as it sounds like hes out excessively.Sure, he should have some time to himself but life cant just be one huge party when you have kids. Especially when your partner isnt there to enjoy it.

He needs to wake up and realize what hes doing. You might have to get tough with him.

First, you should work on yourself. Make yourself as desireable a wife as possible. there is alot of literature out there that can help you. You need to make sure that there isnt some way you are failing him that is contributing to his attitude. It still doesnt justify it, but it doesnt help. If you give him everything that he needs (not what you THINK he needs) he may turn aroung on his own.

If not, then you might have to show him some tough love.

Good Luck


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## Sandy55 (Jun 3, 2009)

You are not being unreasonable. Your dh IS liking what his brother is doing, the freedom of single with no responsibilities. 

And your dh is wrong, especially if his brother is way past the divorce "crisis".

Tell him you want things back like they were before and that you are not simply his babysitter so he can go party with his brother. 

If that does not change, then you need to decide if you are going to just cut him loose.


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## dcrim (Oct 1, 2008)

Telling you he's a grown man and will do what he wants to...crap! Tell him you're a grown woman and you're going to do what YOU want to.

Then go to the library and read, go to a movie, whatever. Tell him he'd better be home to watch the kids, too! If he doesn't the first time, wait until he returns home, sneak out the back door (apparently) leaving the kids alone for him to "find".  Continue this until he stays (or comes) home regularly. 

Point out that his brother is obviously over his "crisis" and doesn't need your H to prop him up. Once your H is coming home, you atually go out (to the library, watch a movie) a couple of times and let H wonder and worry. 

After a couple of nights like this, sit down and talk to him about what he was doing. And stop the smoking again!


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