# Overnight Schedule During School



## Girldad (Aug 25, 2020)

Hi. I'm looking for some insight to what has worked well for young school age kids during the school year. I suggested a schedule of 5-2-2-5. 
5 days with mom
2 days with dad
2 days with mom
5 days with dad

Though I see some downside to the 5 days without interaction with from the other parent, I'm not sure how else to do it. 

I am getting some push back from the other side saying the kids should be at their "normal" house every school night - mom's. I moved into a new house 3 minutes up the street at the beginning of August. Mom is staying in the family home. 

Our kids are adjusting well to the new place and I see no reason to not stay with me at least a couple nights a week. 

What has worked well for others?

How did you find a compromise?


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## Not (Jun 12, 2017)

My boyfriend has a pretty good schedule set up with his ex.

Week one dad has them Tuesday and Thursday and week two dad has them Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday with the switch happening Sunday evenings. Each parent gets equal time and the kids never go more than a few days without seeing the other parent which then allows each parent to spend good quality time with the kids for a few days in a row. They've been doing this for 8 years and the kids are 10 and 13 now.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

The schedule for my daughter used to look like this:








In my situation the other parent lives about an hour away. Depending on the ages of your kids, I'd suggest a 2-2-3 schedule.

Monday, Tuesday - Dad
Wednesday, Thursday - Mom
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - Dad
Monday, Tuesday - Mom
Wednesday, Thursday - Dad
Friday, Saturday, Sunday - Mom

That gives the kids equal time with both parents, doesn't keep the kids away from either parent for a big chunk of time, is consistent, and gives each parent equal weekends.

How old are your kids? Do you, or your ex, work after school? That would play a role in where the kids go after school. It also depends on if the kids need to see the parents frequently or need more time to settle in.

If your ex doesn't like the schedule you proposed, then suggest the 3-4-4-3 or 2-2-3 schedules, or come up with your own. Keep in mind, the focus should be on the kids and their needs, not what you or your ex want. You have to be willing to change the schedule as their needs change.

For example, my daughter is sick and tired of going between homes so frequently and she requested longer chunks with each parent. So for the summer she spent all of July with one parent and all of August with the other. If it were possible, during the school year she'd like to spend one or two weeks with each parent rather than the frequent back and forth.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

A lot has to do with the age of the children and their personalities. Some adjust well to having two homes and some struggle. They often do get tired of constantly switching houses — even when it’s a full week with each parent and not just a few days — and they may feel their parents each have a home but they really don’t. It usually takes time to get used to that. And often when they’re old enough they choose one parent they want to live with full-time. That sometimes comes as a shock to the other parent but looking at it from the child’s point of view they just want to wake up in the same bed (almost) every day and have (almost) the same routine.


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## Girldad (Aug 25, 2020)

Thanks for all the information. It's greatly appreciated. To answer a few questions...

The girls are 6 and 9. 

Neither of us have commitments in the evenings work wise. 

The new house is in the same neighborhood just a newer section so it's really convenient for the girls. They know several families at the new house and have already made a couple new friends. 

I really want to do what's best for them. In my head and heart that means spending time with both parents as we each have our strengths. The girls seem to flourish in the structure that comes with staying with me. They seem free. They know where the boundaries are and know what the consequences are if they choose to step outside them. I cook mostly organic foods for them and stay as far away from processed stuff as I can. 

I've found that when they're with my Ex for an extended period their anxiety levels go up and listening skills go a bit sideways. They seem scattered and less respectful too. This was also the case for the last couple years of our relationship when I was working a lot. 

Early on in the separation our oldest didn't want to be switching back and forth between parents. I was staying in Airbnb's and with my parents which wasn't a comfortable environment for them. So my Ex and me decided that they wouldn't stay overnight with me until I got a place where the girls could call their own home. I think we've both learned from that early on feedback. 

I do like the 2-2-3 schedule. Thanks. 

The feedback I got from my Ex was she thought the girls would do best always being in the same bed during school. I strongly disagree as I can help with some of the more challenging school with for our oldest and the structure in the home helps them stay on track along with healthier food and experiences from above. 

I'm trying to see it from the other side but I just don't and haven't seen any information from anyone I've talked to that shows otherwise. 

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## Dadto2 (Aug 11, 2020)

We’ve done the schedule below for 11 years. Has worked really well since the kids always knew what days they are where.

Dad: Weds 6:30pm - Sat 6:30pm
Mom: Sat 6:30pm - Weds 6:30pm

She gets them one more night, but I get every Friday (no school next day/stay up late) and basically all day Sat.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Just something worth mentioning, it's normal for kids to have a hard time transitioning after being with the other parent. It doesn't mean one parent is better than the other. Their mom may be noticing things like that as well.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Hi hon. We had success with the school week being with me (mom) as I work from home. Then weekends and any holidays with dad, and lots more summer days with dad too,

We are super super flexible and selfless. Whatever works best for the kids, we did it. We have a great coparenting relationship though, so I know that is not always the case. 

I will say that they really liked sticking to a schedule. They were NOT fans of things being too lax. They really depended on the schedule, and preferred to stick by it. 

That being said, I still stick with my two main points of a good schedule, with flexibility between parents to allow for the kids best interest always.

I wish you the best sweetheart. Hope you all have a wonderful year!!!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

That's ******** your ex is spouting about the "same bed every school night". You are both the parents, and your house is every bit the "normal" bed and house as hers.

I have done the 5225 schedule for 9 years.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

I did the 5-2-2-5 schedule through elementary school when the divorce occurred and then moved to the weekly schedule once she entered middle school. Seemed to work well. Their 'normal house' is whoever has custody those days.


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## AlwaysPickWrongOne (Sep 21, 2020)

Girldad said:


> Hi. I'm looking for some insight to what has worked well for young school age kids during the school year. I suggested a schedule of 5-2-2-5.
> 5 days with mom
> 2 days with dad
> 2 days with mom
> ...


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

We do 3-2-2 and love it. Works for everybody involved!


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## AlwaysPickWrongOne (Sep 21, 2020)

Hello,

I think the age of the kids are important. When my son was little, like 5-7 school age, being in his my home (mom) was very critical. Once he was 8, I agreed to the 5 2 2 5 schedule and it has been great, In this scenario, my son and I were very close and getting him a little older and more comfortable was essential and helpful to the transition. We also work with each other and bend on a day here and there where it is helpful for our son. We also include him in the decisions so he feels apart of the process. We also maintain the schedule during the summer too (unless we pre-schedule a vacation). Good luck to you.


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