# Picking out an engagement ring



## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

This is my first post. I was hoping to get some advice on something that's really exciting for me! I'm hoping to propose to my girlfriend soon. I'm not exactly sure when I'll do it, but I know I want to marry her and I want to be ready with a ring if the moment strikes! We've talked about marriage and she feels as strongly about it as I do. It's now just a matter of doing it the honest way haha. 

This is the ring I'm looking at. My girlfriend has always been a fan of emeralds, so if you don't like emeralds, just know she does!










Is this a nice ring?


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## ItMatters (Jun 6, 2012)

Like Princess Diana, only in green. Yes, it's a beautiful ring.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## nandosbella (Jul 6, 2012)

first off.. MANY congratulations on finding your lady! wish you guys the very best! 

about your ring.. dont get me wrong, the ring you picked is lovely! but i'll say "a diamond is a girl's best friend"... and it always will be. i would say always choose the diamond as your center stone.. always always. perhaps you could get an emerald halo.. or emerald side stones.. but that center stone i'd make a diamond FOR SURE. 

did you ever see monica's engagement ring from "friends"? her center stone was diamond but had those sapphires for accent. if you want some color.. that's the route i suggest. good luck, hun!! and congrats again!


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

The ring is beautiful. I'm going to put my 2 cents in as a jeweler. Emeralds are very soft and are not meant to be worn daily. That stone won't last a lifetime. diamonds are extremely hard and wont scratch and will only chip due to an inclusion or fracture in the crystal when it was formed.

With daily wear, the facets on the emerald will get nicked and get scratched. Emeralds also break easily due to the high number of inclusions in them. The can't take heat, so when the ring gets repaired (prongs etc.) the emerald has to be taken out and that is a recipe for disaster. maybe have the emeralds as an accent would be better and can be replaced if they break or chip at a much lower cost.

Sapphires are much harder than emeralds, and that is why they are used in engagement rings. They are still prone to wear, but can be worn daily. Ok, thesis paper over. Congrats!!!


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Lovely! I love emeralds. My ring is blue and white topaz.


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## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

Shiksa said:


> The ring is beautiful. I'm going to put my 2 cents in as a jeweler. Emeralds are very soft and are not meant to be worn daily. That stone won't last a lifetime. diamonds are extremely hard and wont scratch and will only chip due to an inclusion or fracture in the crystal when it was formed.
> 
> With daily wear, the facets on the emerald will get nicked and get scratched. Emeralds also break easily due to the high number of inclusions in them. The can't take heat, so when the ring gets repaired (prongs etc.) the emerald has to be taken out and that is a recipe for disaster. maybe have the emeralds as an accent would be better and can be replaced if they break or chip at a much lower cost.
> 
> Sapphires are much harder than emeralds, and that is why they are used in engagement rings. They are still prone to wear, but can be worn daily. Ok, thesis paper over. Congrats!!!


So, would you say it's a bad idea to get an emerald engagement ring? It's my girlfriend's dream ring, though...I think she'd rather have her dream ring than get something she didn't like and have it last forever hahaha


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I think Shiksa was saying that an emerald is less durable and practical for everyday wear than a diamond. If your girlfriend is traditonal, she may prefer diamonds for that reason. Emerald is my birthstone, but I would have never accepted that stone for my engagement ring. Every woman is different.


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

I agree and think you should use a diamond as the center stone and, if you like, emeralds as the accent. It will still have her favorite stone. Why? Because tradition always (98%) wins out. We men should start our own... If she's getting a ring, I want a new tablet/laptop.


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

I don't know, it seems a bit tacky to me. Something Queen Elizabeth would wear with a white glove. 

I was thinking something along this but you know your girlfriend best.


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

It's funny, I've been browsing online searching for a ring myself and it really is quite daunting. I haven't followed my own advice yet, but remember it doesn't have to be a complex ring or ridiculously expensive. You'll have enough expenses with the wedding.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

This with a wedding band...









Or, get her a nice diamond solitaire, then surprise her with this type of band during the wedding ceremony.

you know her best!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

troubadour said:


> This is my first post. I was hoping to get some advice on something that's really exciting for me! I'm hoping to propose to my girlfriend soon. I'm not exactly sure when I'll do it, but I know I want to marry her and I want to be ready with a ring if the moment strikes! We've talked about marriage and she feels as strongly about it as I do. It's now just a matter of doing it the honest way haha.
> 
> This is the ring I'm looking at. My girlfriend has always been a fan of emeralds, so if you don't like emeralds, just know she does!
> 
> ...


It's a very pretty ring. 
It does remind me of the ring the late Princess Diana had. In that way, it seems somewhat old-fashioned. 

I prefer a diamond to an emerald, but that's just me. I also prefer a princess cut (square) or a round cut, but again that's my style. The ring Complexity provided looks exactly like my engagement ring so that's an indication of my style. 
In the end, you should give her what you think she'll like, not what we think.


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## Kathrynthegreat (Apr 23, 2012)

Just, for the love of God, don't pay three month's salary for the thing.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Yes! That whole three or six months salary is nonsense that the diamond industry brainwashes men with.

My ring is gorgeous, but did not cost nearly three or six months salary. I think that a man who would pay that for a ring is not financially responsible. That money could be put toward the wedding if you want a big one, a great honeymoon or a house.

What I love most about my engagement ring is how different it look.s The centre stones look like a solitaire from far away, but when people come closer, they see that it is actually seven diamonds clustered in the shape of a flower. 

I would advise buying insurance on the ring if you can. I recently lost a diamond and it cost me nothing to replace it, because we bought store offered insurance.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

My ring cost 200 bucks. The wedding bands were 20 bucks at a mall kiosk. lol. 

We have since upgraded, but in the beginning, we just wanted to get married.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I see men spending too much money on a rock all the time. Sometimes I want to tell them that their credit card was declined just so they don't buy it. Their girlfriends demand 1.5 carat rocks that cost over 10 grand that they can't afford. Makes me sick.

This is my take and what I have seen over the years in the jewelry industry. The center stone is what is sentimental to the bride. The mounting may change, but the stone is what is most important. That said, the emerald won't last to be remounted. I like the idea of the band with emeralds.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Lovely ring!


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## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

Okay, I have an update!

After talking to some of her girlfriends, it became clear she wanted a yellow gold band with an emerald. I did a lot of searching and finally found it...THE ring hahaha.

Well, here it is...


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

It's very pretty.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

If she really likes emeralds & is okay with that being an engagement ring... (instead of diamond)... then my suggestion would be for you to ask to see all her rings.

You want to make sure the ring you pick out is not "similar" or "just like" a ring that she already owns.

Personally, I like the look of the white gold with the emerald better. But, you know her better than we do.

See if her other rings are mostly white gold with gems, or yellow gold? She would want one that she'd be able to wear with her other jewelry.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

Personally, I wouldn't have gone with an emerald as the center stone. It just isn't a logical choice for a ring that she is going to wear everyday, for hopefully the rest of her life. 

It isn't a durable stone, and will be easily damaged or broken. The ring to me really doesn't look like an engagement ring, more just an everyday right hand ring. The shape of it is also going to make it difficult to find a band, if it didn't already come with one.


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## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

Tikii said:


> Personally, I wouldn't have gone with an emerald as the center stone. It just isn't a logical choice for a ring that she is going to wear everyday, for hopefully the rest of her life.
> 
> It isn't a durable stone, and will be easily damaged or broken. The ring to me really doesn't look like an engagement ring, more just an everyday right hand ring. The shape of it is also going to make it difficult to find a band, if it didn't already come with one.


Well, it's what she wanted, so I figured that's what matters most. What you deem to be an engagement ring and not an engagement ring is really just your interpretation of a social construct. I got her the ring she's always wanted. Durability is secondary to me.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

You can still give her what she wants with a more durable ring that won't need replacing in a year. There's more of a reason for diamonds being traditional than just social constructs.

I'd be devastated if the ring my husband proposed with was damaged and not bearable before our first anniversary. Durability should mean something when we are considering a life long everyday pieceof jewelry. 

I'm just giving my opinion, if you didn't want them, why ask for them...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

troubadour said:


> Well, it's what she wanted, so I figured that's what matters most. What you deem to be an engagement ring and not an engagement ring is really just your interpretation of a social construct. I got her the ring she's always wanted. Durability is secondary to me.


You did the right thing.

The ring is going on her finger not ours. If she likes it then that's what matters.


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## aussiechick (Jul 1, 2012)

Please don't lie. I never asked for the value of mine but he was proud and told me it was 4k. I see the receip cleaning up months later and it was less than 300.00 the lie and the fact he thought he had to lie hurts so much. It makes sense. It doesn't sparkle. He still doesn't know I know. The lady I saw at the jeweller told me bot to let it spoil anything. But it has. I see it. I see lies.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

Tikii said:


> You can still give her what she wants with a more durable ring that won't need replacing in a year. There's more of a reason for diamonds being traditional than just social constructs.
> 
> I'd be devastated if the ring my husband proposed with was damaged and not bearable before our first anniversary. Durability should mean something when we are considering a life long everyday pieceof jewelry.
> 
> ...


I took offense to you saying that this "wasn't an engagement ring". I could hand her a bag of chips, but if we both knew what that bag of chips meant to each other, it could symbolize a commitment. I just thought your stance was a touch dismissive. 

She doesn't like diamonds. She may not end up wearing it every day and I'm okay with that, especially if she's doing something active. If we're just walking around, I don't see it being an issue.


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## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

aussiechick said:


> Please don't lie. I never asked for the value of mine but he was proud and told me it was 4k. I see the receip cleaning up months later and it was less than 300.00 the lie and the fact he thought he had to lie hurts so much. It makes sense. It doesn't sparkle. He still doesn't know I know. The lady I saw at the jeweller told me bot to let it spoil anything. But it has. I see it. I see lies.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm not going to tell her how much it cost. I don't think that's appropriate/necessary. I will tell her, however, that if she wants to exchange it for another, I have store credit and she can pick one out in that price range. Hopefully it doesn't come to that! haha

If she does ask, I'll tell her...I might low ball it a little. I don't want her to know how much I spent, to be honest. I want the focus to be on the symbolic gesture, not the financial side of it.


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

troubadour said:


> I took offense to you saying that this "wasn't an engagement ring".


I never said that. :scratchhead:

I said to me it didn't look like an engagement ring. That doesn't mean it isn't one. That's simply my opinion.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

My husband gave me a pear cut diamond. Every now and then we talk about switching it up to an emerald, in a more antique looking setting. I love emeralds too. 
The diamond engagement ring has only been around for about a century, and in a lot of places people don't even wear engagement rings or wedding bands. Do what's important for you.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

the ring you have picked..while it would not be my choice for an engagement ring..is obviously what she likes. 

an engagement ring does not have to be the expected diamond set. I love my rings, but he could have proposed with a saphire (my fav stone) and i would have probably loved it even more..and saved him a few grand..lol

so. my dream ring would be exactly the original you posted..lady di style in white gold...

but i do love my princess cut solitare diamond with side diamonds in the band and matching wedding band.

one of these days i will have a saphire princess di ring..maybe i should remind him of my love for it for our upcoming anniversary.


you did good. lol

i am sure she will be thrilled because you LISTENED


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Everyone has an opinion about what constitutes an engagement ring. I agree that durability is a huge factor, but at the end of the day it is what your fiancee wants. 

I think that durability has been much more of a factor than social constructs in this thread, but perhaps you didn't see it that way. A lot men don't realize that people judge them based on the ring their wife is wearing. In my social circle and many others, if a woman is wearing an emerald or ruby as an engagement ring, people think that she is marrying someone who is not financially stable. That way of thinking is very materialistic and unfair. 

My husband took me to the store to pick out my ring; he didn't want to buy something I didn't like. So he let me choose and asked me much later. 

So give your fiancee what she likes. If the emerald does not last, you can always buy another one.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

My engagement ring is also my wedding ring because I loved it so much I did not want to add another or switch it for a traditional "gold band".

I think you should go with the emerald ring you feel she would love best.


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## 23YearWife (Sep 3, 2010)

Congratulations. It's a stunning ring. It must be costing you a fortune. If you're sure it's not financially hobbling your future together, go right ahead. She'll probably adore this.


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## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

23YearWife said:


> Congratulations. It's a stunning ring. It must be costing you a fortune. If you're sure it's not financially hobbling your future together, go right ahead. She'll probably adore this.


I already bought the ring! A picture is on page 2 (it's a different ring, same price, though...ugh haha). 

I'm hoping she loves. The jeweller told me if she doesn't like it I can come in and trade it for something of equal value or just pay the difference on a new ring...or even get money back if we get a cheaper ring.


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## 23YearWife (Sep 3, 2010)

troubadour said:


> I already bought the ring! A picture is on page 2 (it's a different ring, same price, though...ugh haha).
> 
> I'm hoping she loves. The jeweller told me if she doesn't like it I can come in and trade it for something of equal value or just pay the difference on a new ring...or even get money back if we get a cheaper ring.


OMG! What a ring! You have exquisite taste--at least it coincides with mine. If I decide to remarry my husband, I'm showing him this photo!

Let us know how she likes it!


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I almost never wore my diamond, just b/c it wasn't practical. It wasn't huge, but I was/am very busy, had kids, etc., and just didn't like accidently catching something on it. I even scratched my first baby once. That was it. The band stayed on, but the diamond was off except for special occasions. 

Get her what she wants and let her wear it when she wants. If she wants a simple band--which is also very practical--do that, too. Best of luck to both of you.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

PinkBeret said:


> I think this is a horrible thing to do. Why are you trying to control a situation that you have no right to?
> 
> Men will spend tens of thousands on cars that would last them at best 15 years. If a woman feels she wants a big diamond, or if a man feels like he wants to give his future wife one, what's it to you to tell then their card is declined? This is just horrible! Shame on you! How do you know they can't afford it? You don't know what their financial situation is?
> 
> It seems you are just envious and stopping a woman from getting a diamond ring. It all comes back to you.


Said they 'feel like doing it', not that they have done it. It's not to be taken literally.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

@pink: I hope you read the fine print before signing your signature. That could be disastrous


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

PinkBeret said:


> I think this is a horrible thing to do. Why are you trying to control a situation that you have no right to?
> 
> Men will spend tens of thousands on cars that would last them at best 15 years. If a woman feels she wants a big diamond, or if a man feels like he wants to give his future wife one, what's it to you to tell then their card is declined? This is just horrible! Shame on you! How do you know they can't afford it? You don't know what their financial situation is?
> 
> It seems you are just envious and stopping a woman from getting a diamond ring. It all comes back to you.


Read the post again. He did not say that he tells them that the card is declined... he said that sometimes he'd like to when it's clear a guy is spending a lot more than he can afford.


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## 23YearWife (Sep 3, 2010)

Shiksa said:


> I see men spending too much money on a rock all the time. Sometimes I want to tell them that their credit card was declined just so they don't buy it. Their girlfriends demand 1.5 carat rocks that cost over 10 grand that they can't afford. Makes me sick.
> .


It may not be the woman. I had to stop my former husband from getting me a bigger stone as an anniversary present. Also, why do you assume the man can't afford it?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Did the jeweler have a wedding bad that fits with the ring you bought?


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

I just read responses to my comment about wishing I could decline credit cards for men who obviously can't afford the ring. Well, if they use multiple credit cards because one doesn't have a limit enough to cover the purchase or they have to wait to get the ring because they need to open a new credit card because their current ones are maxed out, then yes, I'm guilty. Many are also borrowing money from their parents. Or when the couple comes in with a budget and the girl blows it out of the water demanding a bigger ring. diamonds have gone up over 50% in the last year and half. They make comments about not being able to afford a house, but spend $10,000 on a ring. 

Please note that I say NOTHING to these men. They are big boys and girls and have to live with their decisions, but makes me sad, even though I'm making money on the sale.


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## Shiksa (Mar 2, 2012)

btw, I'm a woman and love diamonds. I love to sell big diamonds.

Oh, I also forgot about people who put a large purchase on their credit card then tell me, don't worry, I'm filing bankruptcy, I won't have to pay it. How would you feel?


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## Katiebird (Jun 7, 2010)

troubadour said:


> Well, it's what she wanted, so I figured that's what matters most. What you deem to be an engagement ring and not an engagement ring is really just your interpretation of a social construct. I got her the ring she's always wanted. Durability is secondary to me.


It is lovely and if it is what she wants and what you want to give her, screw the cost, the durability and what everyone else says. How wonderful that you actually listened to what she wanted!


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## troubadour (Jul 8, 2012)

So, update. I proposed. She loves the ring! Apparently, it looks nearly identical to the ring her father gave her mother, which is kind of cool. I had no idea. Also kind of scary. Haven't made up my mind on that one. She loves it. We got it resized and it looks even nicer. She also got me an engagement ring that both matches and has a Celtic feel to it, which is nice as an Irish person. 

Yeah! I'm happy!


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## occasionallybaffled (Apr 12, 2012)

^ Congratulations!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Shiksa said:


> btw, I'm a woman and love diamonds. I love to sell big diamonds.
> 
> Oh, I also forgot about people who put a large purchase on their credit card then tell me, don't worry, I'm filing bankruptcy, I won't have to pay it. How would you feel?


How many people really say that? I don't know anyone who says it but I don't sell jewelry either. Also, do you believe everything they say? They could just be saying something, a joke, not intending you to take it literally. I think I cracked a few jokes when we bought the engagement ring, but I certainly hope the jeweler didn't take it seriously.

If I were in your job I wouldn't want to play Big Brother to customers. It's not my job to protect people from themselves. 

My two cents.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

troubadour said:


> So, update. I proposed. She loves the ring! Apparently, it looks nearly identical to the ring her father gave her mother, which is kind of cool. I had no idea. Also kind of scary. Haven't made up my mind on that one. She loves it. We got it resized and it looks even nicer. She also got me an engagement ring that both matches and has a Celtic feel to it, which is nice as an Irish person.
> 
> Yeah! I'm happy!


Congratulations!!!


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