# The Aftermath...



## OhioGirl (Mar 30, 2011)

This morning was horrible...and made me doubt my decision even more.

I am sure that is his intention.

He cried, and said he didn't know what was going to happen to him after this was all over, he doesn't want me to be "single" until we have gone home (All of this is NOT about me wanting someone else.), and he is expressing concern over the area my family is currently living (how will our youngest cope).

When we talked last night...I tried to explain my feelings, and where they are coming from. How I have been unhappy for most of our marriage.

He thinks that I have taken one event and blown it up into a big deal.

He went on to say how I have an anger issue. Once I blow up, I can't come down.

In my defense, I get angry because I know what's coming. The fault is always mine, and I will end up taking the blame...making the apology. So, if I do stay wired for a while, this is why.

He says we are coming into the best years of our lives. We are still quite young. (I am 37 he will be 39 this summer) The older 2 will be moving on and we will be able to do more and more of what we enjoy. Yes, there are things we enjoy doing together. But I am not sure this time makes up for all the downs we have had in our relationship.

He talked about being depressed. And still he resists seeing a counslor for himself. He says it is not the norm for him to feel this way, and why won't I help him get thru this.

He mentioned the other night and how I could have helped diffuse the situation if I had just gone into the living room with him. Like he is the lion and I am the lion tamer. I am supposed to love him up and stroke his mane and make him feel better.

I am confused and I am lost. And I have no one really to talk too.

I talk with my mom, and while I know she hates to see my marriage fall apart...I know she just wants me home.

My best friend is having her own issues with her H. When we talk she says she thinks all of this is a long time coming.

I need strength.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Ohio,

Do not ever let fear control you. Or stop you from doing what you think is right. If you fear, you stay in limbo. Yes, if u did nothing, you wouldn't have doubts. But, doing nothing would also ensure that nothing good comes from this that you didn't expect. Remember, this need not be permanent. You can explain to your SO that maybe time apart will give him time to reflect. Get better. Become once again the man you used to know. The same for you.

Your husband may be depressed, but only he can help himself. I was too. Things used to bother me just as much as they did him...even small things. My wife and I separated, well, because I withdrew from the family too. Acted weird. But if it wasn't for the separation, I never would have been forced to look inward and make that change.

You know what? I am a million times the man I was. I am in the moment. I PLAY with my kids. I enjoy life. And, in retrospect, the stuff that made me depressed before was soooooooo freaking petty it's laughable. Now, I'm manning up. Going to the gym. Enjoying my kids. Trying new hobbies. I am in control of my happiness now. Something I blamed on everyone else before.

Be strong. Get better. Improve yourself. But never ever be fearful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Do you just resent him more for crying and trying to shift the burden of "fixing this" to you? If so, welcome to my world. He does not understand that you will NEVER respect him if he depends so heavily on you and refuses to take responsibility for himself. He's trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty so you won't separate. But guilt is a horrible reason to stay married--deal with it, but don't let it guide you. More later.


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