# Cant Trust In-laws



## KI0159 (Apr 19, 2011)

Another in-law thread.


I dont definitley dont have the worst mother and father in law, they are nice people but they gossip a lot and basically I've learned If I dont want people knowing stuff then definitely dont tell them.

It really annoys me. My H knows this about them but just laughs at it. I know its not always the case but I feel you should be able to trust your Mum and Dad with information.

H and I are looking into buying a bigger house next year so we can start a family. Obviously through excitment we have both told our parents but asked them to keep it to themselves as things arent for definite yet. 
We have found out that they have told a few people and a couple of them are gossipy people. I didnt get upset with them but did say 'we have only told you and my parents' and my mil said well I only told so and so and so and so .............but then of course they just tell one other person and then that person tells one other person and then it totally spirals.

The thing is my H is more excited about the new house than I am and for financial reasons we dont know if its going to happen yet so I dont really wantto discuss it with people.

My H's younger brother still lives with his Mum and Dad. They are always talking about his love life when he's not about. My mil even told my parents over dinner about a girl that's 'his friend with benefits', I nearly spat my drink out.

They were also telling me that my H's aunt fell out with her daughter in law because the dil fell pregnant and told the two sets of grandparents to be the good news but like me said its only early so keep it to yourself but her mil told people and unexpected people were asking the dil about the pregnancy. You confused yet
Anyway when my inlaws were telling me this story they were totally siding with my H's aunt, saying why cant she tell people.

I dont want to ask my H not to tell his Mum and Dad things but thats the way they're making me feel.

There's not many things we need to be secret about but when I fall pregnant (been trying for over a year) I dont think I'll want to tell people until a few months on but I would like to tell just our parents


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

If there is something you wouildn't want an enemy to know, don't tell your best friend.


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## motherofone (Jan 10, 2013)

I have in laws like this. For some things they just have to be the last to know.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I have inlaws like this too. We just don't tell them anything.

I feel for my hubby, he can't even trust his sister not to tell them things. She's so enmeshed with them, it's sad.

I did actually tell my husband not to discuss certain things with his parents, like money, wills etc. because it's simply none of their business. They don't get a vote.

I have to do this because his mother is so incredibly intrusive and overbearing that I can't stand it. There has to be boundaries.

If I fall pregnant (we're trying too) we'll be telling my mum (dad died last year) but not them until we're a few months in. Simply because we can't trust the mother to keep her mouth shut and out of our business.


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## KI0159 (Apr 19, 2011)

Thanks for replies.

I just dont get why they have to blab about private family stuff. Surely they should be thinking aw I'm glad my sons can talk to us and tell us stuff but no!

It's really hard at times coz H is so laid back it doesn't bother him but sometimes when I visit I feel like I'm holding myself back from saying something but I don't want to be that person that puts there H in the middle.


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## KI0159 (Apr 19, 2011)

I just found out today that my mil took her friend to see the house we might be buying!!!! but she tried to make that sound ok because she hasnt said a word to her other friend

On a good note I said to my husband if we ever want to keep something quiet then unfortunately we cant tell your parents. We can only tell them when we're telling everybody. He agreed and meant it:smthumbup:


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

That's the way my mother was. It really had put a lot of distance between us and the rest of my family. It was the constant negativity, and worst of all, my bother and sister bought all the BS as gospel.

Too bad your husband doesn't see your side in this.


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## KI0159 (Apr 19, 2011)

Larry.gray - I mentioned to my H earlier about feeling like we cant tell his Mum and Dad and agreed 

In one hand i'm thinking its only news about a house so I think thats why I havent got really upset with them face to face but on other hand I think well it wasnt they're news to tell we thought we were being thoughtful.

At least I know for sure now (even though I always did) that we cant tell them things. I feel as if we're just two people they can gossip about now rather than being there son and dil.

I take it back I havent got upset with them for H's sake other than that Im pretty P'd off!

Although my H's parents are overall nice people I'm never gonna feel completely comfortable with them.


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## bunny23 (May 19, 2011)

People love drama and gossip... 

Personally I don't get it.

Actually I am one of those people who will never tell, right now my sister shared a big issue she is having and I just can't imagine telling my parents... because she asked me not to.

Just limit your personal life when it comes to talking to them, they will eventually get the hint.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

In many ways it's unfair to tell a person a secret.
Now in the case of pregnancy and buying a house, it’s happy secrets. But still don’t do this to people. It’s hard to remember of the 1000 things they are told by you which are public and which are secrets. For this reason do not tell secrets if they truly are secret.

Now unhappy secrets, like about bad things that someone did… this is putting a burden on the person to whom the secret is told. (not that you are telling unhappy secrets). Think long and hard about burdening anyone with an unhappy secret. They most likely cannot carry the burden any more than you (generic you) can.


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## KI0159 (Apr 19, 2011)

EleGirl said:


> In many ways it's unfair to tell a person a secret.
> Now in the case of pregnancy and buying a house, it’s happy secrets. But still don’t do this to people. It’s hard to remember of the 1000 things they are told by you which are public and which are secrets. For this reason do not tell secrets if they truly are secret.
> 
> Now unhappy secrets, like about bad things that someone did… this is putting a burden on the person to whom the secret is told. (not that you are telling unhappy secrets). Think long and hard about burdening anyone with an unhappy secret. They most likely cannot carry the burden any more than you (generic you) can.


Hi

I get what your saying but this is really the only thing we have said to them to keep quiet about. They keep joking about how they've told everyone when I see them........that just annoys me more. Im fed up sitting there trying not to say anything back incase I upset anyone or more so H. Im worried that'll I'll just snap one day.


A couple that H and I were very friendly with got divorced a couple of years ago over something terrible that the guy did. I was always closer to the wife and H closer to the Husband. My mil has been friend with the guys mother for years. The guy wouldnt tell his mother what he had done so my mil kept pressing me for information. I know what happened but ignorance is bliss so I denied that I knew. Again she kept on at me 'oh you must know something'. So she tried to manipulate the situation by saying how the guy is such a nice boy and she started bad mouthing my friend in front me
This was really hurtful and it was hard to defend my friend without giving away information , so I felt doomed either way. MY choice was defend my friend and give mil the details or dont give mil what she wants whilst hearing my friend being trashed.
I didnt give my mil what she wanted!

They are nice people but I have to distance myself from them to see this at times.


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