# Sexless



## lostsoul4sure (Jan 26, 2017)

I have been with my partner for 16 years and, for the last 7 we have not had any type of intimacy or physical contact. Recently she has been a little to close to one of her coworkers. I looked at her phone and it showed that he is the most frequent called number. He has a girlfriend, but she lives 3 hours from him. On New Years Eve he called her phone at 12:14am. I saw it in her history and when I asked her about it she said she didn't see a missed call from him. It has taken me all of 3 weeks to finally get her to admit that she saw the missed call. Now I am having some serious trust issues knowing that she not only lied to me, but tried to make it look like I was crazy. Any advise? Right now I just feel broken!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why is it that you have not been intimate for that long?
If it is because she doesn't want it, then maybe its time to ask her if she wants you to stay together or not, with that and the OM.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

Only one question because it will come up, why are you still married when you haven't had physical relations in 7 years?

I'm not saying this to be smart ass, I'm asking as sometimes there is a valid reason and there are other ways that couples compensate for it. It would be a waste of time to go looking for physical infidelity if your wife isn't capable of being intimate.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

lostsoul4sure said:


> *for the last 7 we have not had any type of intimacy or physical contact.*


Seven years of no sex or physical contact? Ummmm I'm not sure I would even call that a marriage. More like roommates or just friends.

New problems aside, why have you allowed so much time to pass without intimacy?


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

It's rather odd that you dismiss the 7 years of no sex and focus on the possibility that she's in contact with some guy. 

To quote one of my favorite metaphors, it's like you're wondering if you should put something under one of the legs on a dining room table on the Titanic because it's wobbling a bit.


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## lostsoul4sure (Jan 26, 2017)

Honestly... This is the question I have been asking myself for the last 7 years.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

Which question? The one about the dining room table on the Titanic or whether she's cheating on you or why there's no sex?

If it's the last one why haven't you brought it up to her in the past 7 years?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

lostsoul4sure said:


> Honestly... This is the question I have been asking myself for the last 7 years.



Have you never talked about it in 7 years??????


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

lostsoul4sure said:


> Honestly... This is the question I have been asking myself for the last 7 years.




That's a question you should be asking your wife. Tonight. 

But really. If you don't know the answer already, WTF have you been doing for seven years?


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I can relate to the OP. It's a tough question to ask your wife. You want your wife to genuinely want you. She's rejected you or starfished you a few times, which cut you deep. You want to make love to this woman you love, but you want to wait until she's ready. It'll just be a few more weeks or months, after all. You know you can probably pressure her into it, but then she'd be doing it under duress and it doesn't "count." It's not the "real thing." Her compliance wouldn't even be fun or meaningful. So you're hesitant to bring the subject up--you just keep hoping she'll come around and demonstrate that she genuinely wants you. 

OP, you need to consider the possibility that your wife is involved in an affair with this co-worker. It might be wise for you do a little investigation. Look at the phone bill--how many texts does she send? How many calls to and from this number? Does she drive to work? If so, put a VAR (voice-activated recorder) in her car to record phone conversations she has in her car. If you confront her with your suspicions of an affair before you have evidence, she'll just hide it better and you'll never know. 

You need to get on this right away. You don't want to be coming back here next year to post the same issue.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

lostsoul4sure said:


> Honestly... This is the question I have been asking myself for the last 7 years.


Answer it and gtfo


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Please be reassured that a lousy sex life is, by itself, more than sufficient reason to divorce even if every other aspect of the marriage is excellent. Which is rarely the case.

do not feel guilty. Do not feel that you are forsaking your vows. Your spouse is forsaking HER vows by not having sex with you regularly and ensuring you are satisfied. What do you think "to have and to hold" means? You agree to forsake all others precisely because each of you agrees to have and hold the other. She has failed and refused to do so. You are absolved of your vows.

Go forth and seek a partner who is willing to live up to her vows. If your wife tries to guilt you into staying with her, tell her that she needed to maintain her vows to you years ago if she hoped to hold you to yours.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

nip it in the bud. Valentines day is coming up. Make it a very romantic/sexual day for her, and snap her the heck out of whatever she was thinking!


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## 41362 (Dec 14, 2012)

7 years!?!?

Flamethrower + Marriage License = Happiness


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

If I had gone 7 days without sex I would have launched a major investigation.

But Original Poster, you said you were asking yourself that question for 7 years. Why weren't you asking your wife? Or, did you ask your wife? And what was her answer?

Until you answer the question of why you two were not intimate for those 7 years there is little use in pursuing why she's interested in another man.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

lostsoul4sure said:


> I have been with my partner for 16 years and, f*or the last 7 we have not had any type of intimacy or physical contact*. Recently *she has been a little to close to one of her coworkers.* I looked at her phone and it showed that he is the most frequent called number. He has a girlfriend, but she lives 3 hours from him. On New Years Eve he called her phone at 12:14am. I saw it in her history and when I asked her about it she said she didn't see a missed call from him. It has taken me all of 3 weeks to finally get her to admit that she saw the missed call. *Now I am having some serious trust issues *knowing that she not only lied to me, but tried to make it look like I was crazy. Any advise? Right now I just feel broken!


1) GET A COPY OF MW DAVIS BOOK THE SEX STARVED MARRIAGE AND A COPY OF HER BOOK THE SEX STARVED WIFE. Both of you need to read the one aimed at you and reread it, and study it.

2) Make an appointment for you and your wife with a sex therapist.

OR

You could research two really good divorce attorneys and wait for the inevitable.

Good luck.


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