# am I being greedy to want child support?



## youngmomof2

I was doing calculations of getting child support. And I am just wondering like I never set it up because I knew he wouldn't pay. I'm planing on getting child support from my older son's father. And pretty sure he'll pay. He hasn't got a lot of money and I feel like I'll probably get enough from him why should I bother my bd then? But I do feel even if it's just 100 isn't he obligated to his duty as the father of my child? Yet I know how it is to struggle idk I feel I'm being callous to want child support from both of my bds. And plus he'd probably never pay and I don't feel I'd need it. I don't know what do you think should I leave it alone or what? I also don't want tension between the 2 of us either. And I'm financially stable right now without his money anyway.


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## PBear

Child support is for the children, not you, and it's an legal obligation of his. You should file and request it on behalf of the kids, even if you don't expect to get it. And if you don't absolutely need the money, you can stick it in a college fund or trust fund.

Just my opinion, as a dad paying child support.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CandieGirl

No you're not greedy. Greedy is continuing to ask for more and more on top of the payment already recieved...like my husband's ex does!

I let my sons' father off the hook years ago and I regret not making him pay. Same for me, I was so sure he wouldn't pay (rightly so), that I never bothered going after him legally. I let him walk, when I should have been a thorn in his side, getting what my kids deserved.

Meh. Water under the bridge at this point, JMHO.


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## borninapril

Not sure where you are, but I know in KS the Father who is paying child support also has to put that child on his medical insurance if his work offers it whether or not he gets the insurance for himself (in affect forcing him to get insurance). Also any money given to you outside of the support is a "gift" and does not affect how much child support you get.


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## that_girl

It's not greedy, it's life. If he can't pay (which I'm sure he could), then the courts will deal with him.

People shouldn't just be able to go around making children they don't want to pay for. Geebus.


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## unbelievable

Not greedy at all. Like others have said, child support is an obligation of a parent to a child. Your first child's father shouldnt have to support another man's child, too. If you become unable to work or first child's father becomes disabled, your 2nd child might still want to eat.


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## Sanity

Its not greedy but unfortunately like anything in life its prone to abuse. 

On the flip side its crazy how you see some women divorce a rich husband, demand 20,000 a month in CS and get it. Do your really think the kid needs 20,000 a month live? BS.


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## PBear

Sanity said:


> Its not greedy but unfortunately like anything in life its prone to abuse.
> 
> On the flip side its crazy how you see some women divorce a rich husband, demand 20,000 a month in CS and get it. Do your really think the kid needs 20,000 a month live? BS.


But isn't the child entitled to the same quality of life he/she would have had if the parents hadn't split?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sanity

PBear said:


> But isn't the child entitled to the same quality of life he/she would have had if the parents hadn't split?
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Thats up to the courts but is it really realistic to maintain this? If the marriage failed and income reduced then changes need to be made on both sides financially.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Take it and put it away. If he is needy and something happens to you, you would want the kid to have some money of his/her own just in case you are not around to do the supporting. The situation seems okay now but you cannot predict the future and have bd of one child support the other child who is not his if something should happen to you. 

Plus, you might create resentment if you don't make the dad support his child. Sure, short term he will be happy with the money, but long term he will end up feeling like a loser. That's not really doing him any favors. 

You could even take the money and take a bit you don't put away and let your child know when you buy him/her a special item or go on a special outing that his/her dad provided the funds through his own earnings. 

Think of the money as energy. Then apply it accordingly. It's not just currency, really. It is contribution of a parent, if he is not contributing in terms of participation then it is all the more important that he contributes with finances. If he is contributing time, then you can do things like send activity money or dining out money (tacos, pizza, etc. doesn't have to be expensive outing) or provide equipment etc. when there is visitation. Or even a gas card slipped into a holiday or other gift.


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## unbelievable

Not only does your child need financial support, the father needs the feeling of responsibility and parental involvement that accompanies paying child support. By accepting child support, you are encouraging the development of two children (your child and his father).


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## StayGravity

unbelievable said:


> Not only does your child need financial support, the father needs the feeling of responsibility and parental involvement that accompanies paying child support. By accepting child support, you are encouraging the development of two children (your child and his father).


You couldn't be more disillusioned! Child support doesn't make anyone feel responsible. True its an obligation for the NCP to pay child support (not just the father). Parental Involvement is the only way to allow both parents to have responsibility for the child. Taking away parenting time from one parent makes that parent feel like someone who gets to visit their child and not really ever be a parent to them. 

To answer the OP, should you ask for some CS? The answer is Yes. If it is only 100 dollars a month, that is money that will benefit the child. If you do not need it, then you should put it away into a college account for the child. But remember if you are going to do this for one of your children, do it for both so one doesn't feel jaded when you are able to pay for ones college but not the other. 

You can actually get an agreement put together that both of you agree on through your lawyer and have it submitted to the court. Provide Reasoning of the amount and there you have it Court Ordered Child support.


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## Dadof3

Yea - he did the crime - he needs to pay the dime.


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## Hope1964

You would be greedy if you were demanding alimony. But it's CHILD support, for the CHILD, so if you manage to collect anything, put it away for the child.

As for alienating the dad - well, it's his kid too, not just yours. If he feels it's alienating to make him pay for bringing up HIS child, then he isn't worth worrying about.

My ex currently owes over $63,000.00 to me in child support, plus I have no idea how much to the caregivers of his other two children. Enforcement is a joke. He's been reported to the credit bureau and has garnishees in place, but he just works under the table and lives with friends. He can even get a passport if he wants. So just because there's a court order in place doesn't mean you're going to get anything either.


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## Lon

Agree with Pbear on all of this - this is child support, not spousal support, the point of it is that the child has the same quality of lifestyle, or as close to, as if the parents were not separated. In my case, even though I have joint custody and we each spend equal amount of time with our son, I still pay child support because my income is higher than hers.


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## LBG

I receive CS and see absolutely nothing wrong with it. My ex is a wonderful father that pays every week on time, has him on his insurance and sees him as often as possible. Personally, I do not need the money but feel that the child is his responsibility too. If I were you, both bds would be paying . Yeah, getting it enforced is a pain, but just because he doesn't want to pay doesn't mean he shouldn't. In my state, if he files a tax return and is supposed to get any refund and is behind in CS the CP receives the return. I feel that I'm very fair with me ex, we've never raised his amount since it was established 7 years ago because it is an adequate amount and I'm not trying to get rich off of it. He has since had another child and I do not feel that it's right to take away from his other child and family when we're doing okay. We have a really great relationship considering we're exes.
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