# Husband has a girlfriend at work



## BDonna (Mar 29, 2018)

I am having a difficult time knowing if I am just crazy or going through midlife crisis. My husband has been working same job for 24 years with same coworkers. I am an educated stay at home mom that has a side business just to get out and do my own thing. My husband has texts every day from the same woman saying: " meet me/ what time is lunch/ what are we having for lunch/ I have a sandwich left over if you want it." They go to the local bar and many UAW events together. I have met many of his coworkers except for this woman. Just found out that only him and her are now going to Mexico for an audit. She is an attendance specialists what the hell can you do in Mexico when you don't speak Spanish? This has me feeling so uncomfortable and I am after years of asking to look this lady in the eyes feeling resentful towards him. Is it proper to go to lunch with a coworker and to make sure eachother is taken care of at work. we were on a family vacation and she was texting and calling hi because she was making his business cards. What in the heck do I do to let him know I am done and want to meet her and this lunch **** needs to stop.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

BDonna said:


> I am having a difficult time knowing if I am just crazy or going through midlife crisis. My husband has been working same job for 24 years with same coworkers. I am an educated stay at home mom that has a side business just to get out and do my own thing. My husband has texts every day from the same woman saying: " meet me/ what time is lunch/ what are we having for lunch/ I have a sandwich left over if you want it." They go to the local bar and many UAW events together. I have met many of his coworkers except for this woman. Just found out that only him and her are now going to Mexico for an audit. She is an attendance specialists what the hell can you do in Mexico when you don't speak Spanish? This has me feeling so uncomfortable and I am after years of asking to look this lady in the eyes feeling resentful towards him. Is it proper to go to lunch with a coworker and to make sure eachother is taken care of at work. we were on a family vacation and she was texting and calling hi because she was making his business cards. What in the heck do I do to let him know I am done and want to meet her and this lunch **** needs to stop.


Your husband has been having an affair for a long time. It's at the very least an emotional affair and most likely a physical affair.

The first thing you need to do is to get more information about what's really going on.

I'm not sure if you are still reading here on TAM, so please reply to let us know that you are still here. Then we can talk more about how you go about getting the info.


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

BDonna said:


> I am having a difficult time knowing if I am just crazy or going through midlife crisis. My husband has been working same job for 24 years with same coworkers. I am an educated stay at home mom that has a side business just to get out and do my own thing. My husband has texts every day from the same woman saying: " meet me/ what time is lunch/ what are we having for lunch/ I have a sandwich left over if you want it." They go to the local bar and many UAW events together. I have met many of his coworkers except for this woman. Just found out that only him and her are now going to Mexico for an audit. She is an attendance specialists what the hell can you do in Mexico when you don't speak Spanish? This has me feeling so uncomfortable and I am after years of asking to look this lady in the eyes feeling resentful towards him. Is it proper to go to lunch with a coworker and to make sure eachother is taken care of at work. we were on a family vacation and she was texting and calling hi because she was making his business cards. What in the heck do I do to let him know I am done and want to meet her and this lunch **** needs to stop.



Hire a PI to follow them to Mexico. If there is any hanky panky going on the PI will pick it up. If PI provides proof have him served divorce papers when he gets off the plane.


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## Therelocatedwife (Nov 23, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Your husband has been having an affair for a long time. It's at the very least an emotional affair and most likely a physical affair.
> 
> The first thing you need to do is to get more information about what's really going on.
> 
> I'm not sure if you are still reading here on TAM, so please reply to let us know that you are still here. Then we can talk more about how you go about getting the info.




I hope that we are wrong but I have a same feeling as EleGirl. 
I used to work in a team of 2 male bosses and 2 females (including me).
One of the male boss and my female colleague had been working together for over 10 years....It was crazy how attached they were with each other. They went on business trips together, had lunch together, went for drinks together, etc. When he was on vacation, he'd always call the office to speak to her and they'd be on the phone for hours "talking about work", and if not, they'd be constantly texting back and forth forever.
He is married and so is she. Outside of work, despite their closeness, he would NEVER invite my colleague to anything where his family/ wife would be at(like his 50th birthday party, etc) (although unlike in your case, she HAD met his wife but always said she doesn't like his wife).
One day my female colleague finally confessed to me that they'd been sleeping with each other for over 7 years, each cheating on their respective husband + wife. 

I agree with others and I recommend trying to find a solid evidence/ *the smoking gun* to really find out if there's something or nothing there. Cheaters do not deserve a loving wife like you. Best of luck and I will be wishing all the best for you no matter what the outcome.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Your husband is to close to this coworker.
At least this is an EA. You at least see the 
text messages unless he has deleted some.
If you can get his phone with out his knowledge 
then see if he has. Maybe you should try and 
surprise him for lunch sometime also. Just to 
see how he reacts and she reacts. Be calm
and keep your emotions in check. Try and gather 
more evidence also.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

I've seen alot of these work affairs and your H fits the pattern.

Hire a PI, or start snooping, but keep quiet about about. Don't let him know you have suspicions or he will go further underground.

Tamat


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## hardwired (Apr 6, 2018)

Broken_in_Brooklyn said:


> Hire a PI to follow them to Mexico. If there is any hanky panky going on the PI will pick it up. If PI provides proof have him served divorce papers when he gets off the plane.


You are assuming she's got the means to do that - that would be crazy expensive.

He's having an affair though. You have my sympathies, OP.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

BDonna said:


> I am having a difficult time knowing if I am just crazy or going through midlife crisis. My husband has been working same job for 24 years with same coworkers. I am an educated stay at home mom that has a side business just to get out and do my own thing. My husband has texts every day from the same woman saying: " meet me/ what time is lunch/ what are we having for lunch/ I have a sandwich left over if you want it." They go to the local bar and many UAW events together. I have met many of his coworkers except for this woman. Just found out that only him and her are now going to Mexico for an audit. She is an attendance specialists what the hell can you do in Mexico when you don't speak Spanish? This has me feeling so uncomfortable and I am after years of asking to look this lady in the eyes feeling resentful towards him. Is it proper to go to lunch with a coworker and to make sure eachother is taken care of at work. we were on a family vacation and she was texting and calling hi because she was making his business cards. What in the heck do I do to let him know I am done and want to meet her and this lunch **** needs to stop.


It is very likely there is more...much more. Out of the blue demand his phone and all passwords to his email accounts and social media. Do not let your H check a few things first. You know enough, your H is the one that needs to provide proof that nothing is going on. You H is at least having a EA.


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