# Having a rough time tonight



## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Its a good thing and a bad thing too. Its been a year and a half since discovering the affair and I have had some really rough times, very dark times. 

We went through a lot, he completely emotionally left me but physically did not but that was almost worse because it was very much in limbo, all the while lying that he was not having an affair. Anyway, long story short (and many of you know it anyway) it wasn't your typical chance meeting it lasted about six months and was not only a PA but EA too. 

We've come along way and I needed so many answers yet in the beginning he minimized and even lied. Much of which came out (bad idea, it always does) and it became harder to rebuild trust. I got so tired of the piece by piece of important info and I finally got so upset with him I told him I can never trust you because even afterward, you lied. It was a turning point because he said that he thought he'd told me everything but if I wanted to sit down and go piece by piece he'd answer any questions I had and I knew he meant it. At that point, I realized THAT was important to me. I needed him to say those words and mean them, its not all the other stuff that matters. Suddenly I don't have any questions. After a year and a half, I finally feel at peace. 

Struggling tonight though, he went on an annual camping trip (this is 13th year in a row), he missed last year because I think he was afraid to leave me so at last minute all packed he cancelled. This year I encouraged him to go and I'm glad he went but I feel very sad, and very lonely. I have gotten really sick with the flu since he left and tonight I lost my cat (I know sounds silly to some but I really love this cat who is a source of comfort to me) and I just feel like, pretty alone. 

Through this whole ordeal some of my friends have betrayed me by gossiping about this so I stopped trusting any of them. I have friends, but not ones I talk to about this so no one left to talk to. Anyway, having a rough night but for once the reason is that I am missing him and no longer angry, hurt, or distrusting.


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## elleisforlove (Feb 20, 2010)

I sent you a message.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

I am sorry to hear it has been a rough time while he is out camping. I can bet that it is hard after all you have been through. I am fortunate that I have one friend who I would die for that I can talk about everything with ( my H's affair even) and we both sit there and just figure it out together. But she is the only one. Everyone else I don't just as much. Sometimes I think her and I only talk about it because she has been through it too. Good luck honey and I hope the cat turns up.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Elle, I got your message and replied. Thank you! 

Thanks Dawn and LuvmyH, the encouragement is what I need. 

No cat though...still hoping he will show up.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Well I know this has nothing to do with marriage talk but the kitty I was missing was killed by a coyote. A neighbor who had been afraid to tell me, just told me. If you've ever had a pet you loved, you understand. I know its a pet and not a child but broken hearted all the same. My husband really loves this cat, he's still away and I have to tell him when he gets home. No one to share it with right now. I decided its cruel to tell the kids so let them think he found a new home.


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