# Should I keep my mouth Closed?



## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

It's been almost 2mths since I found out that my hubby had a EA. Things have been getting better. He listens to me more, helps out around the house the fussing and fighting has almost stop 100% But I still have these moments where ? come into my head and I want to ask him but when I make up my mind to ask he does something sweet and I think he truely is trying why do I want to start a fight by asking my ? so I don't. Sometimes I feel like am on a fine line were I could leave him and just start over. But then I think what if I am leaving a good men just because am hurt and my pride is wounded. I know it will take time to get over the hurt I just wish that I could stop thinking about it all the time. I go to bed thinking about it then wake up thinking about it. It only goes away for a few hrs. I wounder if I hadn't caught him would he still be talking to her and trying to make our marriage work? I wonder if he has ever done this before? I wonder if he will ever do this to me again? I wonder what really made him want to work on our marriage? I wonder since he said I made him unhappy before our marriage why did he marry me? I wonder why am still with him? I wonder if I can be a good wife to him or will I always be hurt by him? All I know is venting here and the answers I get back has helped me keep my angery in check. Thanks for being here


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Sometimes and event like this can be a great wake up call for both spouses. Hopefully your husband realized just how much he stood to lose in pursuing the EA. I often wonder if my marriage would have continued down the path of destruction if I hadn't found out a bout her EA. My biggest regret is not working on our marriage in the years prior to that event. If your husband continues to do what he promised, what you need and stays out of contact with her this will get easier. My general rule of thumb is if there isn't something new to discuss leave it alone and let the flesh heal. It does get easier with time and will discontinue being a preoccupation.


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## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

I know that I should be happy my hubby is trying to work on our marriage but right now am hurt and not sure what I really want. He is so happy right now that we are not fussing and am going everywhere with him( even when I hate where he is going I go now) I guess what set me off is yesterday I found out that his brother made plans for all of us to go to the race friday and hubby agreed without even asking me. I didn't have anything planned but even if I did he would have went with his brother and make me look like the bad guy. I told him last night am not sure if I will go he acted like that upset him but didn't say anything. Am getting where I don't care and making myself unhappy.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

NEVER keep your mouth closed but talk in a manner that exudes respect and all about how you feel.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

I think I felt most of what you listed above around that same time. I was still very hurt, could not stop my head from spinning with all of these thoughts, yet we were both reconnecting in a great way.

If you are feeling, hey this isn't fair...he betrays me...i'm hurting in a big way...and now he is rewarded with me doing all the things that he says were missing with us...:wtf:...it's easy to think 'Is this worth it?' Especially when you are not feeling good in the trust department.

I do think you will begin to feel better over time, but in the meantime, be sure to do things for yourself, too. Plan some things you like to do with your h so you don't feel it's all one-sided.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

What about compromise? It is great that he wants you with him all of the time, but is that reciprocated, doing things you enjoy? Does he see that this needs to be a two-way street and that not always getting his way doesn't mean he gets to have an EA again? Compromise shouldn't be seen as a step backward. It is a step forward. You both have to be happy and comfortable.

Also, if he is unhappy you might not go, he should speak up so you can discuss what happened and what could be done differently next time. For instance, you can say that you'd like to be consulted on decisions that involve both of you. It is courtesy, afterall. He can agree to ask you first. 

I think you should tell him that you sensed that he wasn't happy with your statement about maybe not going and that you'd like to discuss it with him. Break the ice.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

When you are married, one spouse should never make plans without consulting the other. This a form of control and of disrespect. I have dealt with this more than a few times, in the past, and I hope that your husband can understand and correct what he is doing. This is one of the reasons people choose to get married, as after marriage you are supposed to be "as one."


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## mrsbroken (Sep 23, 2009)

I have to say that hubby has been better in doing things that I want to do even if he doesn't understand why I like it. I guess am being alittle b#tch about some things because I have been hurt and think he should bend over backwards to make me happy. One of our peoblems before his EA was that I didn't support his hobby and go with him. He races every sat. night and I know this that on the weekend at least one night will be racing I just hope that now his car was broke that he would spend more time doing something different since this was/is part of our problem is racing and the ow loves racing and know all the drivers so they had that in common I just feel out of the loop plus now when am at the track I feel like am always looking over my shoulder to see if she is there and how he is going to react. Saying words and showing actions tells alot. I just wish I trusted him.. Right now we seem like a happy couple but some of that is an act on my part my heart is broken and is just hanging on by a string that could easy slip.I feel like a bad person because I can't be happy me hubby wants to be with me again but all I can think of is the EA. I can be riding hoem from work crying over the EA pull in the driveway wipe the tears away and pretend that everything is fine. Will I every feel normal again?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Mrsbroken, I don't think this ever goes away completely, but I do know that it becomes easier in time. My thoughts are with you, as I can pretty much relate to your situation.


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## Calypso (May 11, 2009)

You need to talk about it to get it out in the open. You need to talk to be able to start the healing process. I have been dealing with it for a year now. It's better in some area's and still pretty bad in others.


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## Gomez (Jun 5, 2009)

Its in your hands, whatever you want your relationship to be, it will be. Ask for what you want deep down and be happy with it.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Your husband should have thought about your happiness earlier. So if he's having a hard time that you're not happy, that's unfortunate, but it is his doing.

You need to talk and you need to address your feelings. They're very natural and valid given what you've been through. Don't subordinate them or they'll just work their way out in some other very likely damaging way.


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## Broken Hearted (Sep 29, 2009)

Mrs Broken, All I know to say is hang in there ...if you really love him. I went through the same thing a year and a half ago. Unfortunately it still hurts. I don't know how I will ever 'get over' the way he done me. Although when I am at the end of all hope, he turns around and does something nice or thoughtful and I think "OK, this proves he really loves me" I know I don't offer much hope on this but, I constantly worry if he will ever put me through this again. Good luck and I will think of you often as I know how you must be feeling.


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