# Emotional Cheating - at breaking point



## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

Hi everyone, 

I have been married to my husband for 4 years and he has emotionally cheated four times (that I know of) these aren't simple, messages to other women either. Full blown explicit content, pictures and videos included. He also goes as far as pursing ladies online (I honestly don't know how he finds so many). I have found out by sheer coincidence and cried to him about it. The first time I cried, he seemed remorseful but it didn't take long for him to start again. He just seems to nbe getting sneakier as time goes on. 

Last month, I saw he had archived messages from 5 women, even going as far as to translate to french (he doesn't even know the language) and having conversations that last all day, even to the point of saying he loved them and messaging them while I slept next to him. I confronted him (4th time i confronted him) and he didn't seem remorseful and was only embarrassed when I finally confided in my mum and 3 very dear friends of mine. He didn't care that I cried and told me to stop talking about it, even giving me money to keep quiet.

I am at my breaking point. He refuse counselling and pushes aside my feelings. I try and talk calmly and he gets angry. Saying I should forget about it as it's in the past. He has also become more aggressive to me and forceful in bed, manipulating even. I believe he is seeing me as the ladies he messaged.

I want peoples honest opinion as to what to do, we have young children and I acknowledge I am not perfect but I have remained loyal. I want to leave this area completely and vanish with the kids if I'm honest. I come to you all because people do say to stay for the children but what example will i be showing them, especially my daughter


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## So far so good (7 mo ago)

Your husband is physically and emotionally abusing you. You need to consult with a lawyer as soon as possible and get out of this abusive relationship.

Please protect yourself.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

TacoSAHM, since he is refusing counseling, I would start the 180° process. It’s only a matter of time before the EA turn into PA.

Start the process of imagining life without this animal.


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

Thank you


JBLH said:


> TacoSAHM, since he is refusing counseling, I would start the 180° process. It’s only a matter of time before the EA turn into PA.
> 
> Start the process of imagining life without this animal.


One time, I attempted to talk to him and he said and i quote 'well, I will never meet up with them because I talk to those outside the area' goodness my eyes are opening


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

So far so good said:


> Your husband is physically and emotionally abusing you. You need to consult with a lawyer as soon as possible and get out of this abusive relationship.
> 
> Please protect yourself.


Hello there, yes you are right. I have been looking at a static home to move to with the babies, all bills included and a nice community. It will be hard at first but worth it. I will speak to a lawyer once we move as I have no way of seeing them without my husband finding out. Ideally, I want to do this quietly as I fear he will harm me or stop me.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Cheating at least 4 times in 4 years is crazy. Was he liked this before you married?


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Cheating at least 4 times in 4 years is crazy. Was he liked this before you married?


Truth be told, I have no idea. I asked if he had dated before and he said they both left as he wasn't financially stable. He never spoke about anything and would always have the 'perfect' appearance as people know him around the area as he is a travel advisor and he always talked nicely to me so I had no reason to suspect anything. 

I found out the first time due to him hiding two phones behind the cupboard, he said it was his friend but upon searching further, in one picture, he had screen shot one of the hidden phones of an explicit picture. His reflection was on the phone , clear as day


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

He has married you under false pretences. He seems to have no concept of faithfulness or boundaries with the opposite sex.


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> He has married you under false pretences. He seems to have no concept of faithfulness or boundaries with the opposite sex.


I feel like a fool and I also brought my babies into this. I should have gone the 1st time. He says he has stopped now and dismisses me but I have a feeling it won't be long before he starts again.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

You need to do what’s best for you and your children. You are the victim of abuse. I’m not sure what the laws are in the UK. Can you ask him to move out to initiate a separation?


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## So far so good (7 mo ago)

TacoSAHM said:


> Hello there, yes you are right. I have been looking at a static home to move to with the babies, all bills included and a nice community. It will be hard at first but worth it. I will speak to a lawyer once we move as I have no way of seeing them without my husband finding out. Ideally, I want to do this quietly as I fear he will harm me or stop me.


can you do an initial consultation over the phone?

Do you have friends and family to support you?

When you are ready to do your move, take 1/2 the money in your joined account and deposit it in an account under your name.

He refuses to see his behavior as cheating and he won’t change his mind. When he is “forceful” in bed, it’s rape, even if you’re married.

One day, after you D and you meet a real man, I can guarantee you that a “lightbulb” will turn on and you will be thinking: oh this is what a real relationship is and a real loving man is  You just can’t see it right now because you’re in the middle of it.

Be safe.


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

SCDad01 said:


> You need to do what’s best for you and your children. You are the victim of abuse. I’m not sure what the laws are in the UK. Can you ask him to move out to initiate a separation?


he will not move out, when I mentioned that I would leave, he didn't bat an eye lid. As I haven't done it before, he has no reason to believe me now. Little does he know, I have placed a deposit already for another place


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

So far so good said:


> can you do an initial consultation over the phone?
> 
> Do you have friends and family to support you?
> 
> ...


thank you for your kind words, I will do exactly this on the day we go. We have support waiting to assist us.

I intend to do counselling also, I know it is needed but I will appreciate it more when this is all over. I can't wait for the day I see what real love is but there is no rush for me 

I'm not sure why I never saw the force as rape before but I know now, thank you for shedding light


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## So far so good (7 mo ago)

Before leaving, you NEED to talk to a lawyer. I don’t know about laws in the U.K., but it could be considered child abduction (?).

When you leave, have one or more friend or family member present. Some man don’t react too well.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

Forced sex is rape....Period !


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

You are married to a true monster. I suspect like the frog gradually boiled as tepid water is heated, you have become used to abuse, both physical and emotional. 
Do you have favor friends who can help you escape? I think you are in danger.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@TacoSAHM See a solicitor. Getting a divorce


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

Megaforce said:


> You are married to a true monster. I suspect like the frog gradually boiled as tepid water is heated, you have become used to abuse, both physical and emotional.
> Do you have favor friends who can help you escape? I think you are in danger.


hello, i have close friends and they are offering us a room to go to. I can sense danger coming thats why I am preparing to get my babies out but as mentioned, I need to contact a lawyer to stop me getting charged. I have calls booked for tomorrow


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

MattMatt said:


> @TacoSAHM See a solicitor. Getting a divorce


I have been looking around and booked a couple calls for tomorrow. Thank you for your advice


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Don't take this lightly, your husband has stockpiled pictures and profiles like he is a single man and then he expects you to pretend is doesn't exist. The man is a serial cheater. Contact an attorney but also seek counseling for yourself. His actions will not stop!!!!!!! This is how your husband gets the oxygen he breathes. He is getting a "high" off the interactions he is having with these women and collecting their pictures he can look back on and continue to get that good feeling. Once those faces, bodies serve no purpose he will dispose of them but he will continue to need this. This is like a drug to him.

By staying in such a toxic atmosphere you will lose yourself. You can never win to his addiction, never! That is exactly what this is. He is an addict and you cannot make him see it or help him. You have to save yourself. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, you deserve to be heard. Your husband is minimizing his actions and expecting you to do the same. DO NOT! What he is doing is wrong!


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## TacoSAHM (4 mo ago)

AVR1962 said:


> Don't take this lightly, your husband has stockpiled pictures and profiles like he is a single man and then he expects you to pretend is doesn't exist. The man is a serial cheater. Contact an attorney but also seek counseling for yourself. His actions will not stop!!!!!!! This is how your husband gets the oxygen he breathes. He is getting a "high" off the interactions he is having with these women and collecting their pictures he can look back on and continue to get that good feeling. Once those faces, bodies serve no purpose he will dispose of them but he will continue to need this. This is like a drug to him.
> 
> By staying in such a toxic atmosphere you will lose yourself. You can never win to his addiction, never! That is exactly what this is. He is an addict and you cannot make him see it or help him. You have to save yourself. You deserve to be treated with love and respect, you deserve to be heard. Your husband is minimizing his actions and expecting you to do the same. DO NOT! What he is doing is wrong!


Thank you for your wise words. I am due to start counselling and managed to speak to a lawyer who gave great advice. They also said I am able to take my children and go anywhere in the UK as I have parental rights, it is not like I am taking them abroad against their will (plus they are very young). So I wont be kidnapping my own child, very happy to hear that news.


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## DamianDamian (Aug 14, 2019)

I would have divorced him a long time ago. As a man I know the only reason he'd be talking to these women online is in the hopes of sleeping with them. 
The best way forward lies with you initiating divorce. This man does not deserve you. If you want a happy future and good self-esteem then you need to appreciate decent men that treat you well.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TacoSAHM said:


> hello, i have close friends and they are offering us a room to go to. I can sense danger coming thats why I am preparing to get my babies out but as mentioned, I need to contact a lawyer to stop me getting charged. I have calls booked for tomorrow


It's good that you are going to talk to a lawyer about moving out with your children. Moving out with the children, without his agreement could lead to a lot of problems depending on your local courts and laws.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Looks like you are on the right track. Stay safe and love on those kiddos.

Never stay for the sake of the kids, especially in an abusive relationship.


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## BoSlander (6 mo ago)

TacoSAHM said:


> He never spoke about anything and would always have the 'perfect' appearance as people know him around the area as he is a travel advisor and he always talked nicely to me so I had no reason to suspect anything.


That's one of the issues with these serial cheaters, they have a split social personality: they can seem to be the perfect neighbors, cousins, sons/daughters, co-workers; and, at the same time, be an insanely difficult husband/wife. It's always a difficult battle to fight for their spouses because of their pristine social image.

Hang in there. We know EXACTLY what's going on.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

He sounds insecure. Looking for attention wherever he can get it. My late husband was this way. He was talking to an old classmate in his birthday which was two days before our anniversary. 

Asking for pictures. Talking about what a great ass she had in HS. It was comical really. She looked like a methhead. I’d flown his BF from out of state to celebrate his birthday and his BF was just like wtf are you doing? You have (insert my name) who has been everything you ever wanted and more even when you didn’t deserve it. 

It was ridiculous and so dumb, I wasn’t even mad, well I was mad that he was being a punk and lying about it while literally holding his phone messengers right there. He finally was just like.. So? So what?

Anyway, I was the sh$t girl, I was the living, walking talking dream that was taken advantage of, not appreciated or even really treated as a fellow human being at times because of my husbands ego and I’m telling you, you can’t fix it. You can’t.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

TacoSAHM said:


> _*I am at my breaking point. He refuse counselling and pushes aside my feelings. I try and talk calmly and he gets angry. Saying I should forget about it as it's in the past. He has also become more aggressive to me and forceful in bed, manipulating even. I believe he is seeing me as the ladies he messaged.*_


Counseling doesn't do SQUAT for cheaters. Don't waste your time or money.

I'm glad to see you're leaving this abusive jack-hole. 

Do yourself a favor and DON'T look back.


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## SongoftheSouth (Apr 22, 2014)

I agree with all the others you should cut your losses this is terrible. I hope he exchanges photos with a married woman whose husband happens to be a MMA fighter and the guy finds out and beats his a$$


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Get out ASAP


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Counseling doesn't do SQUAT for cheaters. Don't waste your time or money.


#fact


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