# Books about dealing with an affair



## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

Hello everyone. I am a BS 3 months after DD (Her affair lasted 2 years). We are attempting to stay together and I wondered if anyone could recommend any books about marriages after Infidelity. I have read tons of posts on here and have seen them recommended before but can't seem to locate them now. 

I would appreciate some help finding some helpful literature.

Thanks


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

After the Affair by Janis A Springs


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I'm 2-1/2 yrs out from d-day, but my wife did all the heavy lifting to stay....I would have bailed otherwise.

The both of you have a long way to go, but it can happen.

The important thing is how remorseful your lady is?


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

Not Just Friends, Shirley Glass, is the classic.


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## bluejeep (Jun 6, 2012)

So Your Wife Cheated, great ebook
Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder, Ortmann


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## Harken Banks (Jun 12, 2012)

.


bluejeep said:


> So Your Wife Cheated, great ebook
> Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder, Ortmann


Hmm, and I thought Dig coined "PISD."


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

the guy said:


> I'm 2-1/2 yrs out from d-day, but my wife did all the heavy lifting to stay....I would have bailed otherwise.
> 
> The both of you have a long way to go, but it can happen.
> 
> *The important thing is how remorseful your lady is?*



:iagree::iagree::iagree:

If she is not truly remorseful, then no books or MC can help you.

No more Mr. Nice Guy is a good book to read.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Also consider 2 books by Mira Kirschenbaum:
"When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships"
and
"I Love You But I Don't Trust You".

I bought a ton of books myself, so if you are looking for specific directions, let me know and I may be able to point you in further directions book-wise.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

the guy said:


> I'm 2-1/2 yrs out from d-day, but my wife did all the heavy lifting to stay....I would have bailed otherwise.
> 
> The both of you have a long way to go, but it can happen.
> 
> The important thing is how remorseful your lady is?




She appears to be very remorseful. She did all of the correct things with regards to NC, IC, Answers every question I have, told me about all of what happened(got trickle for 8 days, but think I have it all now), got rid of "toxic" friends, etc. 

I have debated telling my story here on TAM, for the past month or so, but have yet to gain the courage to do so. I have however, gained a lot of insight from the stories and posts here and I just want to learn as much about what to expect, as I can. Thank you for your suggestions. I appreciate the help.


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

cpacan said:


> Also consider 2 books by Mira Kirschenbaum:
> "When Good People Have Affairs: Inside the Hearts & Minds of People in Two Relationships"
> and
> "I Love You But I Don't Trust You".
> ...



We both want our marriage to survive this. Honestly, survive is a bad word IMO. We want it to survive yes, but we want a great marriage again someday. I hear that some relationships/marriages can actually be better after something like this (I'm still a skeptic). That is the direction I would like to go  Thank you for any additional suggestions.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Harken Banks said:


> .
> 
> Hmm, and I thought Dig coined "PISD."


He's good, but not that good 

A week after Dday, I bought the book called "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair". It was an easy read to boot and had some good information.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I forgot one more great book, thats the yellow pages, especially the divorce lawyer section.....just in case it happens again.LOL

Its been a month, in my case I was still investigating and confirming my fWW commitment to the M and the hystirical bonding was off the charts. The sex was the best part, but wired different then most


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## Exsquid (Jul 31, 2012)

the guy said:


> I forgot one more great book, thats the yellow pages, especially the divorce lawyer section.....just in case it happens again.LOL
> 
> Its been a month, in my case I was still investigating and confirming my fWW commitment to the M and the hystirical bonding was off the charts. The sex was the best part, but wired different then most



LOL Yes I have the lawyer part already taken care of. I retained a lawyer less than a week after DD. I hope it never comes to that, but I am prepared should it go that direction. I am still confirming her NC and commitment on a daily basis. She has shown no indications of going back to her old ways and she is outwardly affectionate toward me. That being said, I am not the type of person who is going to walk around like nothing has happened, thereby leaving myself open for further pain because of a future affair. I want to make sure things are moving forward, but I insist on doing it in a thorough manner. I don't want to look back (referring to reconciliation) and say "we should have talked about that, or done this differently".


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In my case we opend this can of worms and talked and talked, hell spent 5 hours without any tunes on while driving to Las Vegas.

(my fww admitted to being concerned about being dumbed in the desert.LOL)

We talked about everything, I'm real confident that we didint sweep her crap under the carpet.

I'm a detail kind of guy, sure it was hard but on the same time it was interesting to see were my wife really was in her life at the time of her affairs....especially the later ones were she was on a path of self distruction.

Anyway the best thing to do is talk about it and learn from it, and the important thing is how our chicks affair proof the marriage from here on out.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

the guy said:


> After the Affair by Janis A Springs


One of my favorites...


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Not Just Friends - Shirley P Glass (rest her soul)
5 Love Languages - Gary Chapman
No More Mr. Nice Guy
Why Men Love *****es

My current new favorite on emotions - Emotions Revealed Paul Ekman.


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## Market (Sep 5, 2012)

Surviving Your Worst Nightmare by Patti Snodgrass has helped me. I desperately needed to hear from someone who truly had walked in my shoes . Her background is different than mine, but the feelings she describes in the early days after DDay and how she struggles toward rebuilding trust really helped me to see that I am not so alone. 
Best wishes to you.


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## Market (Sep 5, 2012)

I also bought How To Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair and promptly gave it to my husband. He had a strong remorseful reaction. I was actually glad. He says it helped him to better understand what I am going trough and to see more clearly the magnitude of the earthquake he caused. We are currently 4 months into recovery with the help of a good therapist.


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## cpacan (Jan 2, 2012)

Other self empowering must-reads on my shelf:

Athol: Married Mans Sex Life Primer
Don Miguel Ruiz: The Mastery Of Love


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