# Why doesn't she confess?



## moeman (Aug 12, 2010)

Our D day was eight months ago. I still haven't been able to let go of my W's EA? Despite my evidence (and even once catching them in a car together) she says it was nothing, I am insecure, and it's all in my mind. I know that contact has stopped at all levels but it isn't an hour that goes by without my thinking about it. Imagine that for eight months. It's devastating. 

Why doesn't she come clean and show remorse?

M.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

That's the tricky part of the aftermath of an EA. While it may have hurt you immensely, if she doesn't understand what it was she won't show remorse. But if the EA is over and you are improving the marriage work with that. You may just have to accept that no apology is coming and move on yourself.


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

Sure it's devastating...I'm still not over my husband's ea..something that he denies to this day.
Of course, it's always going to be YOUR fault...you did this or you didn't do this...and they had to turn to someone else who will "fulfill" a need for them. The funny part..if you will..in my husband's ea was that the young woman turned out to be a real psycho. 
Karma can be a real b#&tch!


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

moeman said:


> Why doesn't she come clean and show remorse?
> M.


Because she doesn't want to and doesn't feel remorse.

You are expecting her to behave as a wife who is not cheating when that is not who she is.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

I am struggling very bad today with the same issue. My proof was just 4 days ago, so I am still hoping she will show some remorse some day. I believe it may have something to do with the fact that they justified it in their mind during the EA to ease their guilt. Since it is already justified in their mind, there is no reason to feel remorse. "It's my spouses fault. IF they had met my needs, I wouldn't have had to search elsewhere." My wife's EA lasted 8 months (so far. I do hope it is over, but time will tell.) 8 months of justifying her actions due to me being a lousy husband (in her mind at least, maybe in reality.)


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

My wife is from a large family of people who keep secrets who don't talk about 'things' in general. Some people are like that. They never ever ever cop to what they did because they never admit to themselves that they did anything wrong. And they never will.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

Question: How did it end?

As in .. exactly how do you know it ended and what evidence do you have that she has cut off everything?


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## paramore (Jan 11, 2011)

My husband is still currently in his, and he feels justified, it's agonizing. He actually felt rejected when I asked him to leave, well I feel rejected when you tell stupid hoebag I love you.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

The reason they don't confess is the same reason bank robbers dont confess. and the same reason purse snatcher don't confess...there all criminals.

What they did was ugly and evil, they hate them selves and will do any thing to block it out. Confessing will bring there evil to the surface.

One thing for sure, its not the healthiest way to live. So much can be healed by both spouses if it just got put out there to learn from, acknoldge that it happened and what needs to be done to cure it.

Thats a tough pill to swollow when you've done something so bad. hopefully she will see the need to heal her and you and get it off her chest.

Good luck


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

....Because cheaters don't have a conscience. Cheaters also do so much lying to cover up their activities until they have convinced themselves of the lies. It is a complicated phenomon which will drive you insane if you allow it to. It has been three years since my estranged husband got nailed with solid proof. He still somewhat denies it--but skirts the issue with how he "would have been justified" to do such a thing. I'm glad I don't have to waste my breath having such ridiculous conversations any longer.

Good luck to you on this one. Don't hold your breath waiting for an apology or a confession.


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## twotimeloser (Feb 13, 2011)

You know... these things are a battle... THink of Braveheart, rushing the field of war ready to die for what he believes in.

You have to have the determination to make a decision, the heart to act upon that decision and the balls to stick to that decision.

Bottom line.. Demand answers or change your enviroment.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

twotimeloser said:


> Bottom line.. Demand answers or change your enviroment.


Better yet, demand answers AND change your environment.


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## Andrew2011 (Feb 17, 2011)

827Aug said:


> ....Because cheaters don't have a conscience. Cheaters also do so much lying to cover up their activities until they have convinced themselves of the lies. It is a complicated phenomon which will drive you insane if you allow it to.


I certainly could be driven insane with this phenomenon right now! As explained on my long-and-winding thread, last month I discovered that my wife has been cheating on me. I have left our home as a consequence, but she is trying to get me back, saying that she loves me and everything is my imagination -- when I have emails, texts, credit card receipts, and even photos (from her camera she didn't delete). She know I have this stuff -- I have told her names, dates, $$$ and places, and shown her one photo -- but she persists in aggressively explaining the evidence away, or twisting the conversation back to my own supposed marital misconduct.

I am really amazed what a good liar, deflector and obfuscater she has been.

Of course, this hurts as much as the affair itself, because now I know I can't trust her to come clean about anything. (As opposed to someone who does something stupid once and admits it, so you can at least have some confidence that you have an honest dialogue.)

All this is to say that, regrettably, I have to agree with the gist of the above comments, that most people who cheat probably inherently consider lying about it to be nothing, or a mere "lesser included offence". 

I am sorry to hear of your circumstances.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Cheaters aren't sociopaths. Let's not make too much of that. But their nature is to cheat. Cheaters cheat. That's their nature.


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