# I've cut the chord!



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

After our divorce in March, I've struggled to cut the chord with my ex husband. 

Our marriage of 3 years was a constant struggle with an ending of a soap opera proportions (vacation, drugs, escorts, etc). 

I was blown away as I have never lived through such drama in my life!! I was married 25 years in my first marriage. He is obviously a sick man (addict).

Even though, we divorced, I still allowed contact (text). I realize that I had to let go "my way." Part of me wanted to hear that he was doing something to get well and reestablish is faith. I wanted some proof. Obviously, I had a grain of hope. I still protected myself and never initiated contact.

I would get "I miss you" or an invite to a concert. Not much in texting other then fishing texts....

A week in a half I answered a call from him, while I was driving. I was an impulsive thing. He sounds good. He sounds like his old self. He asked if we could "walk the dogs" on the beach. I said "sure." My friends were against it. It was something I needed.

We never were face-to-face other than our divorce and him getting his stuff. 

So...we walked. We chatted about fishing, concerts, etc. He still cannot "talk" about things if they involve conflict. I was feeling him out.

I initiated the deeper conversation. I asked him if he though it was strange "us walking the dogs." He said "no...why because we are divorced?" I was flabbergasted. He is still in denial.

I said "no. Not the divorce. It was the betrayal that occurred when we were on vacation and later."

He said "I was betrayed too!" WHAT!! I knew it. No change. Still delusional. I did what I had planned. He couldn't ignore or hang up. We were face to face.

I told him that "whatever betrayal that you thought I did (I walked away), his betrayal far superseded anything that I did. He smoked dope, f++ked escorts, and dated. A normal husband would have attempted to talk/work it out with his wife. I begged you to work things out many times. I do NOT wish to be your friend. I am not your friend. If you cannot protect your marriage, what kind of friend will you make? No thanks."

What did he say? NOTHING. As usual. Status QUO. 

We walked to the car. He said he appreciated that I let him see the dogs. He said goodbye with a facial expression of shame.

He texted me when he got home and said "sorry you got upset."

Told him I wasn't upset. I cannot be a friend to a person that cannot protect his wife/marriage. I said that if I had heard a humble man, that said he was working on himself, how he was ashamed, and wanted to see that it never happened again......

He hasn't contacted me again in 10 days (record). He thought he could continue this "friendship" and possible connection. He pretends it's innocent. He now realizes that he lost a hella wife and person! ADIOS. 

I needed to do this face to face. It's still my journey and many would have cut the chord from day one. I understand but it's still my journey.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

What you have kept hoping all this time is that he would clean up and come back. And he would have come back -- but only on his terms. He's waiting for you to accept who he really is because he needs someone to take care of him and prop him up. Obviously, he hasn't found anyone but you to do that so I don't think he'll stop texting and calling. 

He's a weak and needy man and you're a caretaker. He'll probably wait awhile and then he'll start trying again. I hope you've finally blocked him -- and that you keep him blocked.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You are smart Openminded. Thank you for the support!!


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Hun, you want to change the chord, while simultaneously cutting the cord.

As your finding, it's easier to change a tune than to cut the cord. But when you get the metaphor straight, it might come easier. getting divorced isn't as simple as cutting the cord, it's a more gradual process of changing the tune...

Sorry, i just couldn't resist here...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Unicus said:


> Hun, you want to change the chord, while simultaneously cutting the cord.
> 
> As your finding, it's easier to change a tune than to cut the cord. But when you get the metaphor straight, it might come easier. getting divorced isn't as simple as cutting the cord, it's a more gradual process of changing the tune...
> 
> Sorry, i just couldn't resist here...


SunCMars must be very proud of you.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Good for you! I hope you have him blocked now. No children together, you get to make a clean break completely.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Good for you Corpuswife! I remember when I was first divorced my ex wife tried to play the "still be friends" card. I told her she was no longer my responsibility and to look at the friends in my life, none of them were the type of person she was so I had no interest in being her friend. 

It feels good to cut that cord doesn't it?


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