# Womans midlife crisis



## tryingtocope24

Hi Guys and gals if your looking
I have been going thru pure hell the past 7 months ihave read anything i could to save my marriage of 24 years and tried some of the things they suggested. The giving them space has helped but I was still trying to fix what was wrong. I now know there is nothing I can do because she does not know what it is either. The night I walked out I found the ebook "How to survive your wifes midlife crisis" I would swear my wife wrote it. It gives me a road map and some sense of what to expect along the way. It won't be easy but at least i now know something. I spoke to her a couple of days later and she say the differance in me and I told her why that was. She is so confused and in so much internal turmoil she does not even know what she is doing. She asked for the book so maybe she can figure out what to do for herself. I hope it helps. I told her not to call or email till she reads it all they way thru. So I will see someday if it helps. I will keep you all posted.


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## EternalBacheor

"The night I walked out.............."

A question - Did you actually leave your home over this issue? If so, why? It appears to be her problem and not yours. If you did leave you need to move back and establish your presence in the home now. 


"I now know there is nothing I can do because she does not know what it is either." 

"She is so confused and in so much internal turmoil she does not even know what she is doing."

The above is pure, 100%, female nonsense. It is a classic example of why Eternal Bachelor's view women as Emotional Terrorists. Your wife is presenting a puzzle for you to solve, which happens to have no solution, but if you do happen solve it somehow she will be "happy"........So get to work hubby, no slacking, you must work this problem hard because after all it is somehow your fault that I am not happy........

"I have been going thru pure hell the past 7 months........."
Once again - Your are being Emotionally Terrorised by your wife.


Instead of wasting your time and enegy on the above "unsolvable puzzle" you should be working within the legal system now to preserve as much of your assets as possible when divorce papers are finally filed on you by your wife. Which they will. Your wife is "softening you up" via Emotional Terrorist tactics before she sues you for divorce.

Count on it.

Regards,

Eternal Bachelor


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## lost1234

im sorry to say, I couldnt disagree more...
your wife is going through hell with no map of any kind...so is my husband.
not only have we been given advice (and medication for the medical side of this...which yes, there is one), we have received help from a mental professional as well as our pastor...
it is NOT emotional nonsense and my husbands aggitation, irritability, depression, lashing out and undecisiveness arent him just being an a##hole either!
they cant control it or figure it out...
take care of yourself!

if u want to talk...pm me!


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## preso

Not everyone, male or female, goes through a midlife crisis. I didn't I guess because I had a full and adventurous life when young and have no plans to repeat my youth. 
I'm glad to be middle aged, just as I enjoyed being young... but have no desire to be young again.
It could be too, she is not having a mid life crisis but developing or showing signs of mental illness, some of which can develop 
in some people in mid life. She could also be having cognitive changes, early signs rather than a mid life crisis, for instance she could be in the early stages of alheizmers disease.
It would be a good idea to have her see medical professional who will help her sort it out rather than try to fix it or tip toe around it. Even worse, to diagnoise it yourself.
Even a shrink would not try to fix their own spouse. She needs outside help from someone not directly involved in her life, to help her figure out what the problems are and what to do about them. If she does not do this, it's very likely she will develop some maladaptive behaviors to cope with her feelings and issues, like drinking, drugs, affairs, irrespoonsible spending, become abusive to others or herself... and a great many number of other things, none good.


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## lost1234

I agree with Preso... she needs professional help. atleast to help determine what the problem(s) may be.

it has been a rocky road with my husband. i am very thankful that he sought medical and mental help...relieves me to know that something is wrong, that with time and patience can be fixed...
my concern now is that h is only continuing with the medical side of it, and is in denial about all that goes with it!


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## tryingtocope24

She has gone to counsling once alone walked in and told counsler she was leaving me. Counsler said she had to go home and tell me. She came home went into the bedroom and started crying. I went in and asked what was wrong and she said she had to tell me but it was the hardest thing she could ever say to me. I asked if she had an affair and she said absolutly not she wound never do that to me. I asked if she was pregnant? I was fixed a few years ago. I know I asked in the wrong order but I did not know what to ask. She fianlly said she was leaving me. I said ok it not like I have not heard that before. She wanted to know why I was not mad. I said I am just to tired to be mad. Since then she has changed her mind three times and that was only a month ago. I don't know what she will do next. Yes she is conficted, wants something but does not know what it is. I think she is on the wrong anti depressants yes. Yes she is in the middle of menapose. Yes she has self image and self esteem issues. I have tried to help with those but she will not listen to me any more. She say she will not go to a "shrink". Does not belive in self help books. She is in denile for sure. What it will take to snap her out of it I do not know. I really wish I did. I would do anything pay anything or take her anywhere to get the help she needs if she wanted it. If I don't no one else will and she will spend the rest of her life unhappy.


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## preso

tryingtocope24 said:


> Since then she has changed her mind three times and that was only a month ago. I don't know what she will do next. Yes she is conficted, wants something but does not know what it is. .



You know it seems she may want more of a reaction from you ! 
Not saying that would be a good thing but its said misery loves company and it could be she wants to make you feel as bad as she does.

 maybe I'm wrong, but I wondered that when I read your whole post.

Its very bad she is refusing all help. I don't know what your supposed to do either. It must be maddening for you. 
Is she trying to run you out of the family home or something?
torture you?
It may come down to you having to take her to an emergency room for help. She sounds like she is not in her right mind, at all. 
Hopefully her issues are JUST emotional and its not a brain tumor or something.


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## tryingtocope24

I think her trips up north are running away from some thing not sure if it is me or some of the things that have happened this past 8 months. She has lost a job she loved, two great friend have passed and got into a argument with a group of friends and now dont speak. I know it is depression but what else?


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## preso

tryingtocope24 said:


> I think her trips up north are running away from some thing not sure if it is me or some of the things that have happened this past 8 months. She has lost a job she loved, two great friend have passed and got into a argument with a group of friends and now dont speak. I know it is depression but what else?


Maybe its just depression, a severe form, but you should not try to self diagnoise as it could be a physical problem causing an emotional one. 
It is always best to rule out physical problems before starting to work on emotional ones. 

Some forms of depression can be very severe... and it could also be that its not depression but something else.


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## lost1234

ttc, i agree with preso on that on!

depression is a very serious illness, and it will cause many issues for all of those involved.

I would absolutely have her get checked out physically as well.
my h was being treated for depression... the medication was actually making his illness worse( lowering his t count),because he needs to take care of the physical side of it also! atleast get the counts up to near normal, before being able to take a specific med for the depression.


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## okeydokie

check thyroid


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## tryingtocope24

Okeydokie: Every time she goes to a new dr. they always do a thyroid panel because of symptoms and the gland is visably large. The test always come within range. But I just read today that in range really does not mean much. I think she needs a dr. to treat the symptoms not the level. TSH is at the high end and t-4 is low so I read hypothroid what the hell am I paying the dr.s for?


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## swedish

has she been to an endocrynologist? They should be better able to help her....I have the same thing...looks/feels swollen...they notice when they touch it...but my counts were not off...one was high but the other not low or whatever the combo didn't fit so in the end did not do anything to treat...but the meds for that are for life from what I remember so I would make sure an endocrynologist makes the final call on treatment as they should know best.


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## voivod

i'm glad some posters are indicating some "other" medical or psychological problems. 

do me this favor: please post the medical or psychological symptoms for "midlife crisis" and the treatment for it.

has there ever been a doctor or psycologist actually identify "midlife crisis" as a disease? or is it another made-up load of crap that people can fall back on as an excuse for stupid bewhavior?


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## tryingtocope24

voivod: I have been reading a lot about hypothyroidizum and the depression that follows and as I read it if it is not treated can result in adrenal fatigue and they say that the two can bring on "midlife Crisis" Is there a test for it not that I can find but either the people who write the books did a great deal of research and got all the saying and symptoms and put it all in the book to cover something or they really are on to something. I read the book and it fits my wife perfectly. But so does hypothyroid and adrenal fatigue so maybe I and trying to get everything to fit.


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## voivod

tryingtocope24 said:


> voivod: I have been reading a lot about hypothyroidizum and the depression that follows and as I read it if it is not treated can result in adrenal fatigue and they say that the two can bring on "midlife Crisis" Is there a test for it not that I can find but either the people who write the books did a great deal of research and got all the saying and symptoms and put it all in the book to cover something or they really are on to something. I read the book and it fits my wife perfectly. But so does hypothyroid and adrenal fatigue so maybe I and trying to get everything to fit.


wait a minute!!! there IS hypothyroidism. i'll admit that. but "adrenal fatigue" is a nice pseudo-medical term, and neither amounts to anything medical called "midlife crisis." agreed? 

i'm sure as a kid i deserved the new age diagnosis of adhd. i'm sure of it. but it didn't exist when i was a kid. oh by the way, neither did the pharmaceutical "treatments" for it.


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## tryingtocope24

I dont know what you want to call it but adrenal fatigue fit what I am going thru putting up with all the BS. I only sleep a few hours a night, I am always tired, confused, worried and on and on. Yes your body can put up with stress for so long and then the body can not produce the fight or flee hormones anymore.


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## tryingtocope24

True the two do not add up to midlife crisis but cronic depresstion that goes untreated or not correctly treated can cause someone to lose interest in everything and blame everyone for there unhappyness. That is a midlife crisis because they are now looking for some one or something to make them happy. When no one or nothing can possibly make them happy for long because happyness comes from within


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## voivod

tryingtocope24 said:


> True the two do not add up to midlife crisis but cronic depresstion that goes untreated or not correctly treated can cause someone to lose interest in everything and blame everyone for there unhappyness. That is a midlife crisis because they are now looking for some one or something to make them happy. When no one or nothing can possibly make them happy for long because happyness comes from within


so midlife crisis was NOT what i went through when i bougt a bunch of guitars and started a punk rock band with my friends? or bought a 35 thousand dollar motorcycle? 

here's the problem: to quote you---"can cause someone to lose interest in everything and blame everyone for there unhappyness"---what you are describing is not a diagnosis for anything, let alone this mystery ailment called "midlife crisis." and THERE IS NO MEDICAL, PHARMACEUTICAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL TREATMENT FOR THAT SET OF SYMPTOMS. words like "no one", "everyone" "nothing", everything", all come from a selfish mindset. "happiness from within???" where is this "within?" if one has "lost interest in everything" then there is no reason to open the newspaper, turn on the tv, go to work, recreate, etc. but it's not a "midlife crisis." doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists, please comment. that oughtta be rich.

seeing a set of "symptoms" and then saying "that's me!" does not make it an actual ailment.


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## okeydokie

my wife has seen an endocronologist (sp), had the test and discovered her thyroid was leaking. that is the best scenario of three possible (other two are nodules and graves disease). i will tell you she already seems to be a happier person because i think even she knew she wasn't 'right" and this certainly can go a long way to help heal some of her issues. i never thought of her issues as mid life crisis, more maybe pre menopausel. but if you read the symptoms of hyperthyroidism, thats her.


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## tryingtocope24

My wife shows 20 of the 22 symptoms of hypothyroid. And the tsh is elevated but still in range so dr. does not treat now i find out the range numbers a just a guess and that the symptoms should be treated.


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## voivod

tryingtocope24 said:


> My wife shows 20 of the 22 symptoms of hypothyroid. And the tsh is elevated but still in range so dr. does not treat now i find out the range numbers a just a guess and that the symptoms should be treated.


kinda reminds me of the time when our family doctor was on vacation and my oldest daughter, who was 6 at the time, had a terrible hacking cough. we took her to the backup physician. he said she had "athsma" and was going to put her on a prednizone inhaler.

i asked how he came to his diagnosis. he said there is a set of criteria which, if 60 percent of them are met, the diagnosis is athsma. so then i asked how many she had. he said 66 percent. i asked him what would happen if we just rode the symptoms out. he said "it's seasonal. when spring is over, the stmptoms will subside." so i said, "then bye-bye athsma?" he confirmed that she would no longer fit the profile of the athsmatic.

goodbye doc.

btw, there was incentive bonuses being paid at the time by the pharmaceutical company for the doctors who "hit goal" with the new prednizone inhalers at the time.


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