# Sometimes I just feel alone



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Like I said in the title....sometimes I just feel alone. When everything's crazy and I just need someone to tell it all to, I feel alone. My ex wasn't a husband, but he was a friend in a lot of ways and I was able to talk to him about all of my "woes." And the guy I dated right after, I was able to open up as well. I am still friends with that guy, but it's not the same as opening yourself up completely to a significant other. Someone who can be strong for you when you are weak. Unfortunately, my ex lacked that part and I am so glad I made the decision to leave my marriage. However, it doesn't make being alone any easier. 

Just struggling tonight. Have too many personal things going on and just feeling so lost.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

I understand how you feel. Even now, sometimes I have to fight the urge to call up my STBX and say "Hey, how about we go out and take a walk?" Or have dinner..or just hang out and talk?

Then I beat those thoughts out of my head, come to my senses and go take a nap or just go play my video game. It's good to have this place too. 

So talk away here Rose. We are listening.


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## clamman (Mar 1, 2013)

Personally, I like being alone. Riding my motorcycle 3000 miles solo is the best legal drug out there. As big as I am, it's a wonder I can still do that lol. Since I broke away from my cheating wife it's like I have been set free. If I could just get her out of the house. She works around my schedule so we barely see each other.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

clamman said:


> Personally, I like being alone. Riding my motorcycle 3000 miles solo is the best legal drug out there.


:smthumbup: Road trips are my passion and have been for over 20 years. Now if I can get away for a few days it's a good thing but I eagerly look forward to the time when I can travel again. I even think about just setting off at some point and wandering around. 

Nothing better than dropping the top on the Jeep and answering the call of the open road. Before the Jeep I did it with my Miata and Mustang convertible. I have a lot in common with bikers like that. We often travel the same roads. 

You are from NC? Have you been on the Tail of the Dragon? If you are a biker you know of what I speak.  The mountains of western NC/eastern TN were my stomping grounds for many years but I haven't been down that way for awhile now. I've driven the length of the Blue Ridge Parkway many times. I hope to take a trip down there and combine it with some hiking/camping soon. Maybe this year if I'm lucky.


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## rose petal (Feb 1, 2013)

I recently received some disturbing news. I no longer have a significant other to share it with. But it helps so much to have girl talk and share it with my good friend 

It's always so wonderful to listen to each other and talk things through.


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## Movingon_ (Feb 13, 2013)

1980Rose - I know how you are feeling! When my wife left me for other man, I moved out and gave the house to her and the kids. I bought a house, a nice house. But it just was not the same without an adult SO to share it with. Buying a house is something that is done with excitement, plans and dreams. When I bought the house, the feeling was sooo empty. Sure, I shared what excitement I could with my kids, but what does a 9 and 12 year old know about buying a house? I am in a pretty serouis relationship now but it's still not the same. Anytime my kids do something worth sharing, its not the same as sharing with the mother of the kids. My gf cares, to a point, but she has her own kids to think about. On the flip side, I enjoy hearing the stories of her kids, to a point..... So I guess the point is, the alone feeling may never go away for people like us. Now matter how deep into a relationship we get into. Divorce and the break up of a family will ripple throughout the rest of lives.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

That's why I got an apartment.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Being alone sucks, but whenever i can i just go to the airport and take the plane up. Nothing like flying across the sky to keep ur mind at ease


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

I'm feeling the same tonight. Just depressing and lost... Hugs to you! It WILL get better! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gumboot (Mar 1, 2013)

Almost a year on since i left the marital home. The marriage was lonely, however, post separation is lonely too. Not all the time, but, somedays just feel empty. Most of all I miss daily contact with my kids. My ex lacked good communication so i haven't had the intimacy of a good adult conversation with a partner for a long time. That's the main reason why my marriage failed.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

I was lonely in my marriage. I still think that's worse. 

I rarely feel lonely now even though he's not here. It's strange, I can't really describe it. But I'm ten times happier because being alone is my choice and not something that's being forced on me.

I guess I'm quite happy in my own company. Good job really


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## I got this (Feb 25, 2013)

Thinking and talking about your problems all the time isnt any way to spenmd your time. Go do soemthing that blows your hair back and the lonely BS goes away. 

Leave the house and go do something productive. Pottery, dance lessons, ride hoeseback. I prmose you wont give a **** to talk about your problems when you are riding a horse thru the woods.

You moght even want to ask some handsome dude to go along with you.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

I get what you are saying, Ku. 

There was a time when I felt so incredibily alone too. I was so used to sharing my day and the events of my day with Sassie (my ex). If something would happen ...good or bad...he was the first person that popped into my mind to share it with.

For a while, it sort of seemed like nothing in my life really mattered, because I wasn't really sharing it with anyone else. If I got an accolade at work, then it wasn't really special because I didn't feel like I had anyone to share it with. ...sharing it with my friends just didn't feel the same.

However, with time, I began to really depend and rely on my friends more...more than I ever have in my life. Now, when my son does something cute or I have good news, I turn to my friends. ...and I feel fullfilled. Finally. It just takes time.

The best thing to do is to just keep on keeping on...and build relationships with friends and family. Share in the daily happenings of your loved ones, and let them share in your life. People want to help, and they want to be there for you....they want to be part of your life. One day, you won't feel this way. ...but, I know in the meantime there can be sad moments.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Dollystanford said:


> I was lonely in my marriage. I still think that's worse.
> 
> I rarely feel lonely now even though he's not here. It's strange, I can't really describe it. But I'm ten times happier because being alone is my choice and not something that's being forced on me.
> 
> I guess I'm quite happy in my own company. Good job really


Because being with someone who makes you miserable is a LOT worse then being by yourself. 

I've never missed living with my STBXH. Sometimes I miss his company as a friend but I can still have that to a limited extent. We are friendlier now that we aren't together but I always like the fact that I can get away from him and go to my own place and live my own life and not deal with his crap.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I've been feeling it too. I know I can rush out and desperately find someone to fill that particular emptiness. But I know that's wrong on so many levels. So I continue to take the slow, hard road.

How does a guy know he's failing at communicating at a deeper level with his wife/significant other?!?

I've listened to you ladies talk about your husbands inability to communicate satisfactorily. That's one thing that still stings me today.
My EX said that was a big reason why she felt so unhappy in our marriage. Now of course, this was told to me AFTER I discovered she was very DEEP in an affair. But despite the affair, I wanted to try to meet her needs. She said my conversations were never deep enough for her. I tried my best. I was always a good listener. I talked about things that were of interest to me and I would ask her as well. 
When we went to marriage counseling, I spilled my guts. All my emotions came out. How I felt about the affair. How I wanted things to change for the better between us. I assumed my communication was lacking so I kept asking what I needed to do. I wanted to learn!
But it was never good enough. She would always ask, "Why can't you tell me what you're feeling? Thinking?"
But maybe because I was so devastated by her infidelity and no longer her "being in love with me" set me up to fail anyways? I just don't know if she was right. Because if she is right, I don't want to make the same mistake again.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

H-Dad,

You still in counseling?


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Houstondad said:


> I've been feeling it too. I know I can rush out and desperately find someone to fill that particular emptiness. But I know that's wrong on so many levels. So I continue to take the slow, hard road.
> 
> How does a guy know he's failing at communicating at a deeper level with his wife/significant other?!?
> 
> ...


Hahaha, HoustonDad. I don't know if it is just a "guy thing". My ex husband had similar complaints about me--I wasn't open enough for him, I didn't have enough intimate conversations with him, I only talked to him about superficial things, etc. 

To an extent, he was probably right. He had a high-maintenance personality, and I took my cues from him....I was constantly gauging HIS moods and trying to meet HIS needs, that I lost sight of my own and I failed to share myself with him.

It is hard to really know how much of your ex-wife's complaints had to really do with you....and how much of it had to do with her and her expectations. We have to remain true to ourselves...and not try to change the core of who we are for our partners.

However, since my separation, I have been really trying to be more vulnerable in my relationships with others...trying to let people know what I really think and what I really feel. ...and I am no longer hiding my flaws from others. I am just trying to be as authentic and open and loving and compassionate to others as possible. When I feel myself closing off from the world and my friends, I listen to this talk...and it re-inspires me to take risks and put myself out there.
Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

You're right jpr. 

Conrad-
As a matter of fact, I am seeing my counselor this week(I called last week to set one up). But I must admit, it's been way too long since I last went.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

I've been away for a while because my computer was shipped out for repair, but I am back online now. Thanks for all the responses! I'm feeling much better now. Actually got some things taken care of that were holding me back and now I am feeling EXCELLENT!! Had some legal issues that were really holding me back and this week the judge just dismissed EVERYTHING!! WOW! I'm on cloud nine!!!


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