# Porn is ruining my marriage



## Kortana (Sep 30, 2012)

Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle. I apologize if any of this is jumbled, I am not the best "story teller".

My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years now. We rushed into marriage, and married pretty young (18 and 20). Our marriage started out a little rocky, then we became extremely close. I want to let everyone know that I really do love my husband, and I do believe he loves me.

Around 2005, my husband started an obsession with watching movies, regular movies, with nudity. Since horror movies are some of the worst, he became particularly obsessed with those. Pretty much any movie we watched had female nudity. He knew I felt like it was cheating (long history with my dad doing the same stuff to my mom) and it often made me cry, once in public when I begged him to stop doing it. He never stopped, the obsession progressed. One day I came home early from work to find him masturbating to movie nude scenes. I was VERY upset. He pretended to understand and be sorry, and I never caught him doing the same exact thing again, but he occasionally brought it up later and told me I was overreacting.

Fast forward to 2007, I would occasionally catching him looking at websites like Playboy, and I would find web cookies from porn sites, which he always denied, saying they were pop up ads. My husband is very computer savvy, so I knew this was not true, but I chose to ignore it.

Once more, fast forward 2012. My husband started begging me to watch porn with him. I used to do this all of the time as a teenager, and once in a blue moon as an adult. I always felt ashamed, and never really got much from it, I just did it, and I don't know why. He knows this. After months and months of begging, I finally did it. I mainly thought it would get out of his system and he would stop, but I also didn't want to be a prude. I thought I would at least try it. I did not enjoy it. He loves women who look nothing like me, although he says he thinks I am sexy. I can't handle it, it makes me feel terrible. It's not jealousy, as he accuses, but it just makes me feel like a worthless ugly piece of garbage. Of course, his obsession never stopped. Every time he is alone, he downloads more porn, he has HUNDREDS of videos. He says he doesn't like to watch them without me, but I know he does. He has also started to keep wallpapers for his computers with nudity, or just models with huge boobs popping out of their clothes. He used to just keep those to himself, but now he proudly displays them on his computer, which is in our living room. Just the other day, he laid down, with nothing on his computer but his wallpaper, and just stared at it, right in front of me. When I complain, he tells me to stop being jealous and says "Im a man". "Im a man" is ALWAYS his response. He knows I feel like crap. We are constantly fighting about this because he WONT STOP. We talk about it constantly, he begs for us to watch constantly, he never wants to have sex without his porn. The last time we watch it together, he was so involved with the woman on the screen that he completely ignored me, rubbing me dry until it hurt. I stormed out upset, he thought I was being stupid. I feel like I hate the person he has become. I never want to be around him anymore, I don't want to have sex with him anymore. Id rather be at work than home, and I often try to find things to do outside of the house. I do not have any friends, he is all I have. I am incredibly lonely. I am miserable, but I love him. Our finances are so screwed that I couldn't leave if I wanted to. I have nowhere to go. My family is on the other side of the country. I am constantly depressed.

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

This is a man who knows how you feel but yet keeps doing it, Its called selfishness, is that what you want to remain married to, a selfish person? Its time to lay down the ground rules, set some boundaries and give consequences. If he over steps those boundaries then you need to give the consequence, my guess is it needs to be extreme. For example, leaving might be a good start. Do NOT tell him this is what you will do though if he watches it again, and then not follow through. He will need to make a choice, if he keeps choosing porn over you, then you need to walk, plain and simple.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. This is not what you signed up for. Your husband has an addiction and is making it like it's no big deal and that you're the one with the problem for not being cool with it. It obsesses him so, that he doesn't realize and/or doesn't care that is destroying a marriage. In a loving marriage, one partner doesn't do what totally upsets into tears the other partner. He is not putting you first. He is putting his porn first, not you. He's not even thinking of you during sex. Don't think for a minute that this is typical "man" behavior. This is dysfunctional behavior. And to flaunt it in front of you, knowing how much it disturbs you is just plain sick.

Where does he find the time to watch all these videos? If finances are so screwed up, he should be using this time to get a second job, or go back to school.

He is selfish. This is not a man who you should want to be the father of your children.

I don't even know what boundaries you can set up with this guy. It is beyond your power to cure an addiction. Maybe if he agrees to get help for his addiction, you can consider staying. If he's not willing to get help to save his marriage, I'm sorry to tell you that it's time to save yourself from this heartache and go. He made his choice. Now you need to make yours. 

As far as not being able to leave, even if you wanted to, since your finances are so screwed up, there IS a way to get out. That is not an excuse to stay in your pornhouse. You're working. Get a second job. Rent a room in a house. Find a place in a more remote part of town where the rent is cheaper. There IS a way out. You cannot stay in your situation.


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## Terry_CO (Oct 23, 2012)

Kortana said:


> The last time we watch it together, he was so involved with the woman on the screen that he completely ignored me, rubbing me dry until it hurt.


He had you and he ignored you for the woman on the screen? Good thing I wasn't there or I'd have whacked him in the back of the head with a rolled up magazine! 

What he has is a serious addiction. Confront him and state, calmly, that either he sees a professional about his addiction, or he will see an empty house.


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## Kortana (Sep 30, 2012)

Everyone, thank you for the replies so far.

Let me add a few things:

We do not yet have children, thank goodness. However, he knows I want kids SO BAD the he has actually tried to bribe me. He has said that if I just watch porn with him and get it "out of his system" we can start a family.

I did try to get a second job for quite a while. It is very hard for me because my main job is a good one, and I will not let a second job interfere with it. I work Mon-Thurs 7am to 5:30pm. I cannot work after sundown on Fridays, or at all on Saturdays for religious reasons.

Husband makes decent money, but he is in a dead-end job. He has stuck with it because it has been the only job willing to allow him to have a college-friendly schedule. He is going to school part time to become an X-ray Tech. 

I have tried "consequences" before, had not effect. When this stuff first started, I spent the night at a co-workers house. He didn't care much, never even asked where I was. I do all of the cooking and cleaning, I've tried not doing that, again, he doesn't care. He isn't too messy, and he isn't a big fan of food. He's an eat to survive type. I think he doesn't care because he knows I have no one and no where to go, and that I will always come back.

I have confronted him many times, calmly, and he always turns it into a non-serious conversation and does the whole "look, I'm a man, and I need to have fun before I'm old" garbage. We end up talking about porn for hours until I can't handle it anymore and explode and we start fighting.

He is the selfish type. No, he was not like this when we dated and first married. I was his world, he treated me like I was the only woman that existed.


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Perhaps the consequences are not tough enough. Maybe something more permanent. Him saying if you watch porn with him to get it out of his system, and then he will start a family is BS, I hope you see this. Having a family with a person who is already showing you who he is will only make things worse. Having a kid with him will not make things better nor will it change him. My suggestion, cut your losses now.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Kortana said:


> Hi all. This is my first post, so be gentle. I apologize if any of this is jumbled, I am not the best "story teller".
> 
> My husband and I have been married for almost 8 years now. We rushed into marriage, and married pretty young (18 and 20). Our marriage started out a little rocky, then we became extremely close. I want to let everyone know that I really do love my husband, and I do believe he loves me.
> 
> ...


A couple of things from a guy that has never posted in this area, or about this subject. *Only my opinion, nothing more*.

Porn is to men what romance novels are to women. Women prefer to read about it, men like to see it.

If he shares it with you, he wants to live those fantasies with you.

If he hides it, he is ashamed and doesn't want to hurt you.

He might be addicted. Lol! Some men have not self control. Same as women that can control buying new shoes, or playing on Facebook.

He might be feeling unappreciated in a physical way. He might be bored. Porn is candy for ego-centric men, and medicine for unappreciated/hurt men.

How would I fix it? (I come from a man's perspective)

Ask him what he is missing from you. Do NOT argue with his answers. Listen, he will probably tell you.

If that doesn't work, I would increase your sex appeal by doing less for him, working out, dressing better, being less available, new perfume, new hair style, and generally becoming a better, sexier you! Fear (of losing you to another man) is a great motivator. *Just don't be stupid and cheat!!!*

Bless your broken heart. Men don't usually don't know the hurt they cause by looking at stupid pictures of women they will never meet. Smile if ya can. Smiling women are beautiful.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Lovemytruck said:


> A couple of things from a guy that has never posted in this area, or about this subject. *Only my opinion, nothing more*.
> 
> Porn is to men what romance novels are to women. Women prefer to read about it, men like to see it.
> 
> ...


Lol! I apologize for the typos.


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## Kortana (Sep 30, 2012)

Lovemytruck, thank you for the reply, I was hoping to hear from a man.

I do ask him what I cannot provide that they cannot, his answer is always "nothing". AFTER I watched porn with him, he started telling me I was the best wife ever, and that I was perfect. He says he loves me the way I am, and the way I look, but he wishes I would just be more "dirty" which means, watch more porn. I really just do not enjoy it at all, especially when he ignores me to focus on the woman on the screen. He will also repeatedly tell me how how hot the woman he liked was. This can go on for weeks after we watch. This just adds to my feelings of worthlessness.

I am by no means a 10, and yes I am overweight and I could fix some things, but I was that way when we dated and married. He also does like "bigger" women, those are the women he looks at, just not ones as big as me. So it's not like I packed on the pounds after marriage. While I may not stick to it 100%, I am actively trying to improve myself. It is just hard when you feel like you are not even worth the effort.

The only thing I know for sure he doesn't like about me is my legs. He has recently started telling me how much he loves other women's legs. He has never said he doesn't like mine, but even when asked directly, he will not say that he DOES like them, he always avoids the conversation. He never touches them or even looks at them, even when I ask him to. I don't see anything wrong with my legs, except the fact that they are chubby like me. I do not have any gross veins or blemishes.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

your husband is a sicko. telling you that he loves other women's legs? does he give one flying f*ck about you???? doesn't he care at all how you feel? how could a human being be so insensitive to his own wife? He tells you you're the best wife, then he goes and debases you in his next breath. he carries on for weeks about his porn. you'd think he went to the moon or disney world. he is sick. you've been sucked into his sickness. you know it's sick because your mind and body are rejecting it, which is the natural thing to do to unhealthy things. the only way for this marriage to work is if you adopt the same unhealthy mindset as him, which you won't because you know it's wrong. get out now.


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## CanadianGuy (Jun 17, 2012)

IMO his porn use is over the top. You have expressed to him several times that you do not like it and in not so many words you would like him to stop or at the very least view a lot less. If he feels that porn is something that he regularly needs in order to feel complete in a marriage or relationship then you are facing some difficult choices. Up till now you have been more than tolerant of his addiction to the point where it is seriously effecting your self esteem as evidenced by your expressed feelings of self worth and your value in the marriage. 

He is doing damage in several ways. By concentrating on fantasy rather than reality he is ignoring you and spending less time focusing on the marriage. His refusal to cut down on his viewing is disrespecting you and you are confused as he says he loves you but you feel his actions are contrary to those words. The times he spends viewing porn could be spent fulfilling his role in the marriage and meeting some of your needs like romance and other things. Which he is not because of the skewed version of reality he is getting from porn. 

He needs to accept that porn viewing does not turn you on at all and if anything it's a big turn off for you. If you find it disgusting you need to tell him. Furthermore as you noted, you sound like you are a person of faith. Talk to your church elders or priest for guidance. If this bothers him you are on the road to recovery as he is ashamed of his behavior. For the time being I would carefully consider starting a family until this is sorted out. As he says that if you would just be okay with porn you could start a family. How about if he stopped viewing porn you could start a family? Stand firm about this. 

You sound like a nice person in a situation that is not working for you. You are worth it. Do not stop working on yourself and this situation.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Kortana said:


> Lovemytruck, thank you for the reply, I was hoping to hear from a man.
> 
> I do ask him what I cannot provide that they cannot, his answer is always "nothing". AFTER I watched porn with him, he started telling me I was the best wife ever, and that I was perfect. He says he loves me the way I am, and the way I look, but he wishes I would just be more "dirty" which means, watch more porn. I really just do not enjoy it at all, especially when he ignores me to focus on the woman on the screen. He will also repeatedly tell me how how hot the woman he liked was. This can go on for weeks after we watch. This just adds to my feelings of worthlessness.
> 
> ...


It sounds like he thinks he deserves more. I will be honest, this is a tougher issue. He is NOT respecting you as a woman/sexual equal. He has an entitlement mentality, and it might not be fixed.

I think women focus on their bodies/looks a little too much. That being said men usually base *lust* on the looks but, men* love *women based on more than just appearance. 

He might not be "in love" with you inspite of your looks.

How are the other areas in your relationship? Is he a taker, and you a giver? If yes, you need to change the dynamic and detatch. I would stop placing his needs over yours. Don't whine or nag, simply become more independent emotionally.

Read about manning-up/180/alpha/etc. for men. You need to implement those concepts as a woman. Be harder to get, harder to please, in control, mysterious, confident, and so forth.

I tried too hard to please my exW. After 22 years, she cheated on me. I was her doormat. Lol! NEVER AGAIN will I be a doormat to anyone.

Two years later (present day) she is miserable, I changed dramatically because of the pain. I learned to refine my flaws, and be a better man. 

I am happily married now to a BETTER woman that does her part.

Funny thing is, I liked a little porn when I was in the middle of my first marriage. I have zero interest in it now. Sex and attractiveness are now based on honor, trust, loyalty, and seeing it reflected back in the eyes of my wife.

That is my story. Sounds like you are living the female version of mine.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

He continues to do this regardless of how you feel on the issue, that should speak volumes to you. Its one thing for someone to look at porn once in a blue moon or maybe if the spouse didn't know how their wife felt, but this man knows, he knew from the beginning, and still does it. And now he wants you to do it so he can have kids with you once its out of his system, honey thats a good line he gave you! I say give him one last attempt to make a choice, if he chooses the porn over you then the ball is in your court and you will need to decide if this is how you want to spend your life.


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## lthaver (Dec 13, 2012)

I need to get this out there and break a few "Man Laws" in the process. The real reason for porn addiction IMHO comes from a deep down lack of control on his part. I should know, as i have been addicted to it for years now. It has been a strong contributing factor to the eminent destruction of my marriage.

By watching porn and gratifying himself, i would venture that he feels "in complete control", and is lacking control in other areas of his life. If he has the personality of a "impulsive" buyer, then this is most likely. 

Take porn out of it, and replace it with any material thing when you were around the age of 4-6 years old. You wanted it now, and by god you would kick and scream if you had to to get it! Porn is the adult males version of this, because he is in complete control of what, when, and who he can get it from. He may be addicted to sex, not just porn.

I am sorry, because i can offer no real easy, quick, or groundbreaking path to fix this. It took almost instantly losing my wife for my to start digging into my own flaws and adress this fault in myself. All i can say is that, the moment i realized i had been completely and utterly selfish for 5 years, i was renewed in the dedication for self betterment that i soon after deleted the infamous "naughty" folder, and agreed to myself to stop the lies. I have these thoughts, and am just now bwgining to understand where they truly come from.

I wish you two the best of luck, and sincerely hope that he realizes your dedication to the marriage before it is too late. I am pulling for you.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Okay, I'm usually not one for "taste of your own medicine" but this MAY be one of those times.

Watch it with him. And become verbally obsessive about the guys's six pack and huge member. SERIOUSLY. Get excited to watch it (even if it's just a show). Talk about a specific actor. Press him to watch some porn with that actor in it. Let him come home with you watching it. PS the bigger the guy's tool the better.

Make your husband feel insecure. Once he starts acting out and finally "breaks". Then bring up Marriage Counseling. Wait until you're in counseling to address how what you did was giving him a taste of what he was doing to you. Don't admit to it prior. Just justify when he complains or avoids it. If he starts bringing home girl on girl. Tell him, this needs to be fair. You want to see some guy on guy. EVERYTHING he does for his pleasure, do the opposite along gender lines. He'll break.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

LOL!! I AGREE WITH DAD AND HUBBY!!! Pick the porn and make sure its a hottttttt guy.


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

This is my view...

Porn for him takes away his inadequacies. He is missing something and is substituting porn for it.

Do you have a normal sex life?

Most women don't enjoy watching porn. Like it is mentioned earlier they like novels. My wife would read 4 harlequins in an afternoon and that would help her with her "mood" she also he some "sexy" people she liked to watch on TV.. I thought that was ok. everyone has something that they enjoy.. or is a trigger for certain moods. He could easily be going to other woman to get his fix but he is choosing to stay in the home.

Lay out rules. 

You can watch it but.........

Don't expect to get anything from me afterwards
Don't let me catch you
Don't put it in front of sex with you
Don't expect me to watch it
Don't talk to me about it cause i don't care what goes on in those movies
Don't expect me to get freaky like in the movies

He is happily married but enjoys his fantasy world. Otherslike video games, others race cars etc.

You either find a way to work with him instead of shaming him or walk away.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kortana,

Here is a video that might help you out. 

The Great Porn Experiment: Gary Wilson at TEDxGlasgow - YouTube


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## juicecondensation (Oct 11, 2012)

Maybe he turned to porn because he didn't think you guys where having sex enough.


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## StoneAngel (Oct 10, 2012)

There are many threads on TAM on Porn and marriage, and the debate surprises me ie) it is normal and a males right of passage: that is adds pleasure if shared between partners: Girls/women like it too: Porn as a substitute for real intimacy in a marriage....and the list goes on. 
I have not had the courage to post this reply before now, but here goes!
There is a great website called Your Brain On Porn | Evolution has not prepared your brain for today's Internet porn. 
I suggest you go to it. Read, read, read and then have your husband read. Read testimonials similar to yours. Figure out the neuroscience behind what is happening to your husband and yourself.
The website on the surface identifies severe cases of porn addiction and statistical evidence that links a high percentage of Erectile Disfunction and other Sexual Disfunction to porn usage. As you navigate through the site, the site clearly indicates porn in small amounts causes the same adverse affects. 
The explainations there are based on medical neuroscience and the scientific collection of data, it is not based on opinion and comparison. 

Hopefully the website gets you the right kind of support you need. 
Porn is not simple nor is it innoccuous (I think that is the word I am looking for)


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## sexualhealth (Dec 18, 2012)

Kortana said:


> Everyone, thank you for the replies so far.
> 
> Let me add a few things:
> 
> ...


Do not have kids with this tosser, you deserve better


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## FeedbackLoop (Nov 16, 2012)

Kortana said:


> Lovemytruck, thank you for the reply, I was hoping to hear from a man.
> 
> I do ask him what I cannot provide that they cannot, his answer is always "nothing". AFTER I watched porn with him, he started telling me I was the best wife ever, and that I was perfect. He says he loves me the way I am, and the way I look, but he wishes I would just be more "dirty" which means, watch more porn. I really just do not enjoy it at all, especially when he ignores me to focus on the woman on the screen. He will also repeatedly tell me how how hot the woman he liked was. This can go on for weeks after we watch. This just adds to my feelings of worthlessness.
> 
> ...


He's going to watch porn. Most guys do.

You could try a "tit for tat" strategy. Reverse the roles. Take more control of his porn experience by watching porn you claim to like that he doesn't, say... gay porn.

He's idealizing and fantasizing in the same manner that women are when they read 50 Shades.

Its not about improving yourself. You could be the most beautiful woman in the world and the avg hubby will still watch porn from time to time. There's a lot of guys who would love if it there wife would be a "lady in the street, but a freak in the sheets", watching porn, roleplaying, dirty talking... etc.

On the bright side, he's wanted to involve you and he's not out picking up real women.

If you don't like his sexual attitudes, its time to leave. They aren't going to change.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

StoneAngel said:


> Porn is not simple nor is it innoccuous (I think that is the word I am looking for)


I think this is the problem with most of the threads on this subject. The problem just isn't that simple, and it's for this reason that the pro and anti porn brigade rarely reach an understanding.

The issue is far more complex than harmless fantasy.


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## Linguist (Nov 24, 2012)

Dad&Hubby said:


> Okay, I'm usually not one for "taste of your own medicine" but this MAY be one of those times.
> 
> Watch it with him. And become verbally obsessive about the guys's six pack and huge member. SERIOUSLY. Get excited to watch it (even if it's just a show). Talk about a specific actor. Press him to watch some porn with that actor in it. Let him come home with you watching it. PS the bigger the guy's tool the better.
> 
> Make your husband feel insecure. Once he starts acting out and finally "breaks". Then bring up Marriage Counseling. Wait until you're in counseling to address how what you did was giving him a taste of what he was doing to you. Don't admit to it prior. Just justify when he complains or avoids it. If he starts bringing home girl on girl. Tell him, this needs to be fair. You want to see some guy on guy. EVERYTHING he does for his pleasure, do the opposite along gender lines. He'll break.


Hilarious!


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## Dadwithtwolittlegirls (Jul 23, 2012)

Linguist said:


> Hilarious!


That would make it worse. I have a feeling he is insecure of his manliness already...


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## confused_in_ca (Nov 20, 2012)

The hard truth is that a lot of guys like to look at porn and it does not mean they love their partner less. As another poster pointed out, it is the man version of romance novels.

However, his being in your face about it is plain rude and it appears to have turned into a power struggle or even a control issue.

A middle ground might be better than either/or.

People often withdraw into fantasy when they are unhappy with something and it isn't always the relationship, it could be just an outlet for stress for him.

Maybe let go of his watching porn at all IF he is more discreet with it, that it is okay so long as the two of you can have a healthy sex life AND he deals with whatever issue it is that is behind his retreat into the realm of fantasy.


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## MegD (Dec 24, 2012)

This is horrible! I'm very sorry for you and there is no easy fix. Would he be willing to try counselling? It really does sound like he may be addicted to porn, which, like any addiction, is not an easy fix. There are so many things wrong with this... 1. Marriage NEEDS compromise to work and he's not even trying to fix or compromise this 2. He's not respecting you 3. He's not listening to you 4. He bribing you 5. He's ignoring you

I'm sure you're not perfect either, as none of us are, but this isn't fair to you & it needs to stop. Dad&Hubby's idea may work as an eye opener to get him into counselling & it could be fin to watch him squirm a little  Also, you are worth a lot more than you think you are! If you want to make some improvements for yourself, do it! Jealousy is a very powerful tool for helping your husband realize what he has & the attention you'll receive from other men when you make improvements for yourself will help your self-esteem as well. It's just getting there that's the hard part...


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

Just like many other issues the porn is a sympoton of something else in your relationship,everybody wants to blame the thing[porn,Alcohol,drugs ect]people do those thing because they want to change their reality even if its for a short moment but getting to the real issues is the hard work and that is why everybody wants to balme the thing.

You need to look at your over all Marriage,because he does not want all the way in and might not be happy that you married so young.He is getting back at you with the porn and he does not want kids but does not want to tell you that.


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## Frustrated Husband (Dec 31, 2012)

All,
How old is Kortana's husband? I am 44 yrs old and I am having the same problem as your husband. I have been married for 15 years but struggling the past 2 or 3 years due to my lust for other women. I do watch porn but I think this is a symptom of me not having sex with ladies other than my wife. I have never (ever!!) struggled so hard in my life before to resist this need!! and I think I am losing my battle. What is wrong with me?! I have everything! I mean everything a man could ever want: a mansion, an executive engineeing position, a beautiful family, two great kids, super hot sexy red headed wife that turns heads wherever she goes. I am really scared. I am in the process of meeting therapists right now but I am not holding my breath on the outcome. My wife and I still love each other very much but we hate each other when it comes to this fantasy of mine which I am feeling a tremendous need to materialize now that I still look half decent as a man. 
IS THIS A HORMONAL THING? AM I THE ONLY GUY ON THIS PLANET THAT IS STRUGGLING WITH THIS? IS THERE SOME SERIOUS STATISTICAL RESEARCH OUT THERE SHOWING HOW MANY MARRIED GUYS ARE GOING THROUGH THIS AND WHY? WHY? I have always been the nice kid (guy) ever since I was a child and now I am doing this to my wife.


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## Frustrated Husband (Dec 31, 2012)

fiora said:


> It seems like he has a problem with it, it has nothing to do with you most likely, it sounds more like he has some sort of actual mental issue that makes him so geared towards porn/nudity/obsessing/etc. He is also very defensive and selfish about it and uses it as a weapon against you (i.e. watch porn with me and we can have a family) This is not a man you want to have kids with and he won't 'get it out of his system' until he gets help. I watch porn because I like to see different things once in a while, are they things I actually want? NO. I want my H, but watching porn doesn't make me drool over who's on the screen, I watch things completely different from what we do or look like, but that's kinda the point right? You're not pining for that, you just want to see something like it(at least in my opinion). The fact that he is so obsessed with the stars and uses it as conversation just about is where it gets really terrible. He's probably not doing it to put you down, he's just THAT obsessive. I would say you should look into therapy for him(or with him), but honestly a guy like him who started off normal and progressed into this with such fervent denial and wannabe control probably isn't going to go into therapy wholeheartedly wanting to change and probably will just get worse. You should leave and find someone who can respect you, your dreams and desires, and give a damn about your opinions and feelings when it's important. You don't deserve that kind of treatment



Wait a minute! You can't leave him yet just like that! He is missing something on the sexual side from you. Shouldn't you find out what it is?! You are his wife. I am not saying the answer is going to be pretty or it is going to be your solution but the last thing you want to do is something that you will be regreting for the rest of your life. Sure ... leaving him is the easy way out. Working it out with him and with a therapist is the difficult path. At least give it a shot so you will not regret if you decide ultimately to leave him.


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## Frustrated Husband (Dec 31, 2012)

BTW: I watch lots of porn (discretely from my wife and kids) as on outlet to my fantasy of actually having casual sex with other ladies but this is not helping me anymore. I feel the incredible need to actually have sex with another lady.

Kortana: your husband is just looking at porn ... right? Do you suspect he has cheated on you? I am just asking because that could be the next stage. I highly believe watching porn for long periods of times is a symptom, not a root cause. If there is something sexual that he is missing from you (there must be in my humble opinion), then you need to find out what it is if you want to work out this big problem with him.


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