# Poll: Do you keep your Facebook account activity closed to spouse?



## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Just wanted to get an opinion from everyone. I have a wife (prior post:Wife is having MLC, what do i do) who has two facebook accounts that are kept very secret--doesnt share poke activity or messages etc. 

I wanted to take a poll as to what people do with their facebook accounts: do you let your spouse see your account activity? Or is it private. 

If private, what would you do if you spouse said "i want to see your facebook account" 

thanks!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

We both deleted our facebook accounts after he cheated. He never used his, had actually forgotten he had it. He had one friend. He could have looked at mine any time he wanted to.

IMO spouses should offer each other complete access to everything - emails, computers, phones, bank accounts, EVERYthing. It should just BE that way, and is for us.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Hubby deactivated his FB. I still have mine.

We can see each others FB, emails, and whatever else online at any given time. Nothing is hidden.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

My wife and I know each other's passwords. Sometimes she'll ask me to respond to somebody "as her," if she's busy. Facebook is an open book with us.

So are emails, text messages, voicemails etc. We both agree (now, anyway) that "there are no secrets in a marriage." (except for birthday gifts)


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

My wife and I both have Facebook accounts and we both know what the other is up to on there. She doesn't have my password and vice-versa, but either of us can log onto each other's computer at any time and see what the other has been up to, if we need to. 

To me, there shouldn't be a need for 'private' FB accounts unless there's something that you are hiding from your spouse. My wife's account is 'private' to the outside world, with the exception of her close friends and myself. Mine isn't open to the public, either, but my wife can see everything that I do there, which is the way that it should be.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

Garry2012 said:


> Just wanted to get an opinion from everyone. I have a wife (prior post:Wife is having MLC, what do i do) who has two facebook accounts that are kept very secret--doesnt share poke activity or messages etc.
> 
> I wanted to take a poll as to what people do with their facebook accounts: do you let your spouse see your account activity? Or is it private.
> 
> ...


Garry, I think it's odd that she has secretive facebook accounts. That's not normal. I suppose I have to look at your other post for more details, but that's not normal.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Garry2012 said:


> Just wanted to get an opinion from everyone. I have a wife (prior post:Wife is having MLC, what do i do) who has two facebook accounts that are kept very secret--doesnt share poke activity or messages etc.
> 
> I wanted to take a poll as to what people do with their facebook accounts: do you let your spouse see your account activity? Or is it private.
> 
> ...


Come on Garry2012.

If a person shared their secrets, guess what?

They’d no longer be secrets. That’s what secrets are about, secrecy. 



Secrets are there for a reason, guess what the reason is?

THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO KNOW WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES!



The only way you will ever find out the truth is by spying on her. You really do need the 2x4!


You’ve got to be a crazy man asking your wife to tell you the secrets she’s keeping from you. If she ever did they would no longer be SECRETS.

That’s why she keeps them. She doesn’t want you to know them!!!


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

LOL I know AFEH. I just wanted to see what was "normal". She def has secrets on there....just part of the plan i a putting together.

What is the 2X4?


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Garry2012 said:


> Wife is having MLC, what do i do) who has *two *facebook accounts that are kept very secret--


Two? That kind of jumps out at me...as in, she has the second one set up where all but one are blocked out?:scratchhead:


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## underwater2010 (Jun 27, 2012)

Just wanted to get an opinion from everyone. I have a wife (prior post:Wife is having MLC, what do i do) who has two facebook accounts that are kept very secret--doesnt share poke activity or messages etc. 

I wanted to take a poll as to what people do with their facebook accounts: do you let your spouse see your account activity? 

Yes I share my activity. He also is free to log into my account and email accounts anytime he wishes.

Or is it private. 

If private, what would you do if you spouse said "i want to see your facebook account" 

If she/he has nothing to hide they should open it immediately. Be wary of those that don't.

thanks!


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Nothing is hidden here. I have a Facebook account but I can't remember the last time I checked it. I hardly ever use it. I might have maybe a handful of family pictures on it and my "friends" on FB are family. My husband knows my password to FB. Actually nearly a third of my FB contacts are members of his family!


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Nothing hidden

She has my passwords to EVERYTHING and I have her passwords. She sees EVRYTHING I do on FB and I see EVERYTHING she does on FB as well as email accounts. No cell phone passwords either!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Although my BF is divorcing a WW so I'm very sensitive to those things. But even before dating him, in my marriage we were very open. It was before the big FB craze but still I knew his email password and had full access to everything. Even his cell phone voice mail passcode - he'd sometimes have me check for him as he was/is self employed.

I have told him my phone passcode and email passcode in general conversation - just using it "as an example" but it was done very much on purpose.

I believe in full disclosure.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Garry2012 said:


> What is the 2X4?


The thing that hits them over the head so that they finally do something they should have done all along.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Garry2012 said:


> LOL I know AFEH. I just wanted to see what was "normal". She def has secrets on there....just part of the plan i a putting together.
> 
> What is the 2X4?


It's a bloody great piece of wood!


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## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

My facebook password is automatically saved so my account is always logged in on our computer. We share one email account, have ever since we bought our first computer after we were married. All of his hunting forums that he goes to have the login info saved always. The only account that isn't saved is our bank, and that is because I have nosy MIL! Shoot, even my mom has my facebook password!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Garry2012 said:


> LOL I know AFEH. I just wanted to see what was "normal". She def has secrets on there....just part of the plan i a putting together.
> 
> What is the 2X4?





AFEH said:


> It's a bloody great piece of wood!


It shouldn't be funny. Though you just had me cry from laughing.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I do not do FB. Never have. My STBXW is a prolific FB user and was long before before our separation. She never shared anything with me regarding FB. More especially her clandestined activities and communications with her two out-of-town boyfriends.

In any subsequent relationship that I may possibly encounter, I think it is imperative that there will be an agreement that absolutely nothing is ever willingly hidden from each other. 

To do so would be the absolute epitome of trust. I don't quite know about everyone else, but I, for one, like that!


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

I loathe FB. I know so many decent marriages & families that have been destroyed by people hooking up with old loves on FB. Children being bullied. People spying on each other. Employers prying into employees' personal lives. People bragging about how wonderful their children & lives are....uggg

I have a FB acct. with only 35 friends & 30 of them are relatives LOL. Only friends can view it.

My husband has no use for it (no account) & he can most certainly look at my acct. if he wanted to.

If he had a FB acct. that was secretive it would be to have affairs & we would be divorced.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> I do not do FB. Never have. My STBXW is a prolific FB user and was long before before our separation. She never shared anything with me regarding FB. More especially her clandestined activities and communications with her two out-of-town boyfriends.
> 
> In any subsequent relationship that I may possibly encounter, I think it is imperative that there will be an agreement that absolutely nothing is ever willingly hidden from each other.
> 
> To do so would be the absolute epitome of trust. I don't quite know about everyone else, but I, for one, like that!


Ouch - sorry about this. FB...sigh.....


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Cubby said:


> My wife and I know each other's passwords. Sometimes she'll ask me to respond to somebody "as her," if she's busy. Facebook is an open book with us.
> 
> So are emails, text messages, voicemails etc. We both agree (now, anyway) that "there are no secrets in a marriage." (except for birthday gifts)


This!! But I don't even have to say "now, anyway". If my wife kept a non gift secret from me, there'd be major issues and vice versa. A marriage is an open book. People who are cheating, lieing etc. throw the issue of "You should trust me" to cover their activities. Both my wife and I believe the statement is "Your trust is one of the biggest commodities you bring to a relationship, it's not given cheaply or freely. If you want the other person's trust, you must pay the high price associated with such a commodity and that's being an open book." 

I trust my wife completely. Not because I check her FB, emails, text messages etc. Because she doesn't hide them. I COULD if I chose to. THAT is how you earn trust, be transparent even when you've done nothing wrong. It's amazing how much you trust the other person and DON'T snoop when the book is wide open.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

yeah, come to think of it, it was FB that started all this! I was never on, and figured it was mostly a "woman" thing. When i told her i wanted an account she replied "now, dont go getting all mad when you see what is posted on my account etc". Warning bells went off and i have been the jealous monster since lol.

Then the poke fests started and the flirting started and then the hiding began--hiding the poke, message and picture comments. Soon she was deleting them and empting the email trash so i wouldnt see etc.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & mine has had FB for years now ..... but I am hardly a big poster on there....we've always shared everything....we've never had an issue with it. I can jump on his at any time, many times he calls me over to read something on his page... He can look at mine anytime also... my password is rather humorous....is even related to "just him". And 90% of my profile pics is one I have chosen of US together. 

I feel any marriage where the passwords are off limits is a red Flag waving...... Why does anyone keep secrets....SHAME / fear of judgement / a desire to get away with something, not having to answer to another. 

Unless one has a spouse who is completely & utterly paranoid about everything spoken & written to another individual, in that case, marriage would be like walking on egg shells.... and miserable...I'd consider those both extremes to avoid. 

Trust is something we should be building together. Not sharing passwords or setting up secret accounts -is THE breeding ground for unrestrained temptation. 

I would never count it "normal" in a healthy marriage. 

We should have a *willingness* to share ALL / open book ....with our spouses....this is trust building. And to always be approachable to their questions...if they need any clarification, give it to them ! 









I don't even know what "Poking" is - I am a bit FB illiterate still.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

My husband doesn't use Facebook. I have an account with family and good friends with the highest set privacy settings. Nothing is hidden from my husband and he would be welcome on my account any time. 

We don't hide stuff from each other, not as a policy or as a requirement, but because there's no need.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

My husband has one. My oldest son has one. I have two, one is a joint account doe my husband and myself. My husband has access to BOTH of my accounts. The passwords are saved to the computer. Hell, when I start up Firefox, one comes up immediately (already open) and the other is saved to Google Chrome (again, open when you click on FB link). But he has access to everything. No secrets. 

Yes, I have two... mostly to help my sister and son with the games they play on there. But, like I said, my husband has full access to everything.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

We both loathe FB so this isn't an issue for us. I tried it and found it annoying so I deactivated it.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

My husband and I do not share passwords or read each other's mail.

If I am on FB, he can look at my page because I will not hide it from him.

I guess we're a weird couple; we each need to keep some things for ourselves. 

I have been keeping a private journal for more than twenty years and I don't want my husband reading those hardcover books.

I know some may think that we are "ashamed" or "trying to get away with something", but we embrace the ability to be open without prying.

My FB passwords, bank account and email were mine alone before I was married. That is how it will stay. I am not giving up all of who I am just because I am a wife. I need to leave something just for me.

I accept that there may be some things my husband doesn't want me to see such as emails from his brother or friends. My husband doesn't need to know about every conversation I have.


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## krismimo (Jan 26, 2011)

I agree with you first down.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

My wife doesn't have my current FB password, but I would share it if she ever asked. She just hasn't.

I don't hide anything from her on FB. Yes, I understand people could set privacy to hide things, hence needing the login password. Her facebook is always logged in on her laptop. 




FirstYearDown said:


> I accept that there may be some things my husband doesn't want me to see such as emails from his brother or friends. My husband doesn't need to know about every conversation I have.


Everybody I know knows that they are not to share anything with me if they don't want it shared with my wife. I'm just not going to EVER try to keep track of something I'm not supposed to tell her.

Heck, we both know things because of our jobs that we are legally supposed to keep confidential. I don't from her; I legally can refuse to answer if asked about any such communication with her. That's because spousal communication is confidential under law.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Every thing is open and available, we both have all passwords etc.

If he wants someone deleted from my FB friends then they are deleted and vice versa.


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## CO_MOM (Sep 14, 2012)

larry.gray said:


> Everybody I know knows that they are not to share anything with me if they don't want it shared with my wife. I'm just not going to EVER try to keep track of something I'm not supposed to tell her.
> 
> Heck, we both know things because of our jobs that we are legally supposed to keep confidential. I don't from her; I legally can refuse to answer if asked about any such communication with her. That's because spousal communication is confidential under law.


I totally agree with this! :iagree:


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## EastCoastHopeless (Oct 10, 2012)

I no longer have facebook or twitter, but I do have Instagram. I believe my husband has facebook, but who the hell knows. He did recently get an Instagram account. The only way I found out was because him and a mutual friend started following each other. His account is locked so I can't see what he has posted, but I can see that he's friends with his ex-fiance. He knows I have an account but he has never tried to request me. Makes me mad, but at the same time I know I can just as easily request him. But with everything else going on, I'm just not in the mood to see something that will get me madder. I feel what's done in the dark will come to light. So he can keep his account a secret.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

krismimo said:


> I agree with you first down.


Thanks babe. 

I'm glad that nobody attacked me for my way of thinking. 

Some members who have posted in this thread are prone to bothering others who don't agree with them and I wasn't looking for a fight.

We all do what works for us. If my husband demanded all my passwords and read my journals and emails, I would ask him why he is so suspicious. I would also say that I like to keep some things private.

He trusts that I am not doing anything wrong. I feel that everything in darkness must come to light. So if my husband is communicating in a manner which he should not be, I will find out eventually.


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## MarriageIsntWhatItSeems (Jul 26, 2012)

Before I got married almst 2 yrs ago I had a FB account.I rarely used it and it was private to the world.After I got married my husband asked me to delete it.I deleted it.A year ago he opened an account but never did use it until last week.I have access to his email so I found out.I hacked his FB and changed his password.I found that hhe friended a lot of his Ex GF and other FEmale fri.He had also been msgin with them and even the mother 2 his girl. FACEBOOK CAN EASILY DESTROY A MARRIAGE ESPECIALLLY WHEN THERE ON THE BORDER WITH JEALOUSLY AND OTHER PROB. LIKE US.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

FB doesnt do it, the person does it. But it has allowed my wife to get the male attn she apparently craved, and has allowed her an easy road. Starts with an innocent poke hello, then the pokes turn into something more, then messages, then instant messages and texts. IF i continue with my wife, one condition will be open FB accounts..otherwise it can be just an hidden chat room.

We used to have most notifications hit our email. But that was a problem as i saw too much. Then FB made it all private unless you opt to make it public (by email notification). My wife kept it private to her.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

I use FB for keeping in touch with friends and family members.

I do not friend ex boyfriends or the like.

FB use can only ruin a marriage if the union was not strong to begin with.


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## Latigo (Apr 27, 2011)

Both of us have total access to each others accounts. Some guys tried to hit on my wife the same way as with Gary2012's. She didn't shut it down fast or harsh enough for my liking. One had the nerve to send her a "poke"! I went Jules Winfield on the situation. Told her I wanted access to everything, which she gave without hesitation. Being the interprising woman that she is, she got me to agree to do all of the unpleasant gaming tasks that prevent her from spending more time "playing" the games (since I was gonna be in there anyway). So, she ended up coming out on top imo. We are both in each others accounts alot. Family members have even taken to asking which one of us is on when they start up a chat.


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## questar1 (Aug 4, 2011)

To me, one purpose of marriage is to have a designated guardian in case of illness, incapacitation, or death; so of course we need to access each other's stuff online. My H knows where the special notebook is where all access info is kept. That said, he doesn't pry and neither do I. We're both grownups. He has never read my journals. But he could if he really, really cared to. One thing I like about him is that he knows we're both happier if I get to live in my private journals. There is no danger to him. Mostly I sound stupid and self-indulgent in my journals anyway. No secrets, really.

Facebook? Well, the access info is in the notebook. But when I realized what it was, what it did, how it worked, I simply stopped using it. Real-time relationships give you back what you put into them. So now I call or email my friends. I even send old-fashioned cards and letters. And put my husband #1 whenever I have that opportunity in every way possible. Facebook didn't do that. It diluted me and encouraged me to create an image of myself to compete with others' images. What a crock. 
I also don't ask to "friend" my kids. They deserve their private concocted images. 
In my family we generally disapprove of spying on people and we know that doing so often causes more problems than it solves. Everyone is entitled to a little self-indulgent fantasy and image-making.
But a spouse should always have access, when needed, to the keys to the kingdom. Because marriage takes place in the real world--not in the fantasy of online inventions. My marriage is real; FB is not. 'Nuf said.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

i was NEVER jealous of her pokes....they were old friends. When i joined FB, she told me "dont get mad at whats on my fb page". Red flag. Specifically, dont get mad if an old HS friend said he would come to the house and make sure she wasnt bored. Hmmm

Then she started poking 3 guys, not old friends, 20 times a day. Hmm. Then deleting the messages in email, and emptying the trash...hmmm. Suddenly the email trash bin was her main priority.


I told her, i would have been ok, if she was just open about her "image" creation online, share with me what she is doing. I understand its nice to get attn.....dont hide it. The hiding got worse, not better. Red flag.

Affair? Not necessarily, suspicious...heck yeah.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

I am an open book. I have nothing to hide.

My wife on the other hand...she guards everything like a junkyard dog which is part of our problems. How can you not feel alittle weird when your spouse acts like that?


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

AP, yes! At one point she always put her iphone face down....hmm...but only when i was around...we fought about it.

then she would turn her screen away from me, and sit on the other side of the couch and surf...If i sit near her, she wont use her phone.

all while claiming...its not intentional...or your just SO jealous.

haha really?


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## JTL (Dec 14, 2009)

FirstYearDown said:


> My husband and I do not share passwords or read each other's mail.
> 
> If I am on FB, he can look at my page because I will not hide it from him.
> 
> ...


I agree whole heartedly. My wife and i share FB, and email with no personal accounts. However, we have seperate accounts and i have never wondered what she does with her money nor her with mine. Secrets-bad, but a little independence and privacy-fine. I would definitely never share private conversations i have with the guys with my wife. Conversely, it is none of my business what transpires in conversations between my wife and her friends. Some things can and should remain private


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

We both have FB and we both have full access to the accounts.


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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

I have FB and I leave it signed in. He is able to see everything and I know he does go and look because he comments on things that my friends have posted, or something that one of us said that is funny. Honestly, I find it sort of annoying but only in a "you need to get your own life" sort of way...which I never say btw. He has no interest in having his own FB account. Anyway...all activity is open to spouse. I wouldn't hide it because it would make him feel insecure and suspicious when I have absolutely nothing to hide and I wouldn't want him to live feeling insecure about our relationship.


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## dixieangel (Jun 28, 2012)

We have each others passwords for Facebook and emails. The way it should be IMO.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

We share the same facebook account.


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## Samayouchan (Jun 1, 2012)

Cubby said:


> My wife and I know each other's passwords. Sometimes she'll ask me to respond to somebody "as her," if she's busy. Facebook is an open book with us.
> 
> So are emails, text messages, voicemails etc. We both agree (now, anyway) that "there are no secrets in a marriage." (except for birthday gifts)



My marriage is the EXACT same way!:smthumbup:


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

JTL said:


> I would definitely never share private conversations i have with the guys with my wife. Conversely, it is none of my business what transpires in conversations between my wife and her friends. Some things can and should remain private


Me & my husband are the opposite of this, he shares all kinds of conversations he has with the guys at work (I'm not the average wife, these things don't upset me, I expect guys to be guys).... the funny, the crazy things they say and I also share the Juicy stuff my friends share with me... not like he cares to hear all of that, how boring it would be!! But the interesting stuff....and if my friends ask me to keep some top secret, I let them know I share everything with my husband... this has never stopped them however... because they know him well & love him.

It ALL remains strictly between the 2 of us, this is how we prefer to live, it's not like our life is mega exciting, as I am just a SAHM, so hearing these sorts of things makes for some interesting conversation at times. Alot of laughs even.

Neither of us would EVER breach anothers confidence. We've been this way for 31 long yrs, since we've met....so it works for us.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

I deleted him as a friend on FB a long time ago because he hid his friends list (98% females) from me. He says he no longer uses FB, but when he logged in in front of me recently, I noticed that he didn't have any pending messages or notifications, which I found odd with such a huge friends list...


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## Starstarfish (Apr 19, 2012)

I've never shared my FB password, as he's never asked for it. But - the account's password and login is saved on my browser, so - if he ever wanted to look at it, its readily available. He doesn't have a FB, as he has no interest in it. 

My email password is saved to the browser, the same on his comp. 

There's really nothing exciting going on my FB, lol, 95% of the reason I check it every day is to play the Sims Social.


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

I do believe in a marriage / serious relationship, you really shouldn't have to hide anything. We both have facebook accounts, but he very rarely logs onto his. I use mine to keep in touch mostly with old high school/college/grad school friends and family, especially ones that I don't see or hear from often because we live far from each other.

I happen to agree, keeping secrets in a relationship / marriage is breeding grounds to infidelity and resentment.

I have all his passwords to his email and facebook, as he's a bit computer illiterate and hates typing, so I have to send out emails for him. Or he'll ask me to go into his Facebook and check something for him because he forgot his own password and / or doesn't remember how to use Facebook at all. I've told him my passwords before. If he ever wanted to know, I'd give them to him without question.


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## Carisma (Aug 24, 2012)

I don't believe FB ruins marriages. 

I have FB, hubby does not. He has never asked for my FB password, he doesn't have any reason to...but if he did ask for it I would give it to him, or he could just sign in and it pops up already logged in. He can look over my shoulder any time. 

The thing is, we are pretty much open with each other, but I don't give him my password list "just so he can feel safe" or whatever, and vice versa. I would feel like there must be some problem if a couple feels the need to be that "open" with one another. We both trust each other, and if for some reason one of us was not feeling secure the other would open everything up....but we don't do it preemptively. I feel like he needs some degree of privacy and so do I. I need some place to vent when he is being a buttinsky....and I am sure he needs the option to be able to text his sister or something about me when I have PMS, without wondering what I am going to read.


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## delirium (Apr 23, 2012)

I completely agree with everything FirstYearDown has said in this thread. My husband and I have access to each others accounts if we really WANTED it. He doesn't know my passwords and I don't know his, but they are saved on our computers. I would never just go read his conversations/emails/etc, I have no interest in doing so. We are 'friends' on facebook (though we rarely use it) and that is good enough for me.

I also have a blog I keep private (from everyone) that I wouldn't want him reading. Not because I write about anything inappropriate, and it wouldn't be the end of the world if he did read it, but I have been keeping a journal my entire life as well and I agree that you should be allowed to keep some things to yourself. He knows I have a private blog and it doesn't bother him.

I do find the hidden facebooks to be weird. And why does she have two of them?


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## Left With 4.5 (Aug 4, 2012)

My STBXH had a facebook and would not be friends with me. He said that he had his friends and I had mine. He also told me not to put any pictures of him up or mention him on MY facebook because of his job (LE) and didn't know if my friends were trouble. 

Long story short, Facebook+ reconnecting with old high school girlfriend = DIVORCE


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## KnK (Oct 15, 2012)

My husband and I both have access to each others FB accounts , emails etc. The only time I wouldn't let him see something is when I was talking about him to a friend and didn't want him to know.


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