# why am i so scared



## keith999 (Feb 21, 2013)

I married a aussie, moved to australia from the uk, we had a son together. We had lots of arguments, she was very controlling and pretty emotionally abusive. Anyway I stayed for my sons sake. He had some issues, possible autism. I was left to deal with that, I was my sons primary carer and he was the apple of my eye.

I started to get really stressed with all the issues we were having. My son was a nightmare at school, I was going to meetings, going to different doctors trying to see what the problem was and my wife was not supportive. She was just very angry and we just descended into row after row.

After 3 years of dealing with schools, doctors, and arguments, I snapped. I left and went back to the UK with nothing. My wife divorced me and then after months she contacted me and wanted me to come back. I thought the marriege was over and began seeing another girl who was very nice. Not seeing my son took its toll on me badly.

So now after 17 months we both know we made a big mistake. I want to go home but im really struggling to leave and I dont know why. Im scared of telling my parents, my job. My parents will go nuts, they really didnt like my ex wife at all. 

The girl I was seeing is really supportive and thinks I should go back even though she wanted me to move in with her. I want to know why is it that Im staying put and find it hard to even buy a ticket.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Well, you're obviously afraid that it won't work out well, or will play out the same as it did before, and that you'll have sacrificed your new life for nothing. Giving up a job, new friendships, your home, etc. to move across the world to be with someone who has already broken you once is scary. No one could blame you for feeling that way.

My questions would be... what has changed (besides missing each other) to indicate that both of you have made real growth in your views on marriage and relationships? What has she done to show that her issues won't become a problem again? What has changed really? Further, is it a necessity that you go to them or could they come to the UK with you? Or, could you take a chunk of time off from work and go visit them for a month or two to better gauge the situation?

What do you have in mind as far as returning to her? Like would you be moving in together right away or live separately and start dating? What would you be telling your son about the plan? 

Dropping everything to go be with the person you love is totally understandable, but it's a bit different if you've already been burned once. I think you have to REALLY carefully think about that and seek some really good evidence/proof that things are and would be different.


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