# Any cases where the AP fights for the affair?



## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

Just wondering if anyone had it where the AP, after the affair came to light, didn't back away, but fought for their "love". In my case my S had a mainly EA (heading toward PA) with a guy who she said told her he loved her, wanted marry her etc...When the A came to light and things got messy he didn't put up much of a fight. When he was emailed the NC letter his reply was defensive/attacking my WS.

This isn't the most important thing in the world, but I can't decide whether the AP was legitimately in love with my S or was more just a player trying to score with the ultimate challenge. It seems to me that IF he truly did love her as he said he did then wouldn't he try to fight for her when all the chips were on the table? Mind you my wife did cut him off cold turkey, not replying to his texts (but showing me them instead) and writing a NC letter within the week. Maybe a blow to his ego so didn't try? I don't know. I know this is superfluous stuff but I'm just curious. Any cases out there where the AP in an EA fight for the WS? Even in the face of a NC letter etc?

Maybe knowing the AP was more of a player than legitimately in love would make me feel a teeny bit better in that my wife can remember less of a white knight, caring type guy (who came along at a time my wife and I were having maritial problems and "happened" to fall in love with), and more explicitly just as the dirtbag I think of him as.

I don't know...


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

Nothing is superfluous when it comes to trying to save your marriage. If it feels important to you, then it is important.

And yes my Spouses AP did. It isnt because she was a good person, it was the oppisite. You see, with her going along with the A showed right away what type a person she was. A lieing adulterous. And she wasnt looking for a meaning for relationship, she wanted a free ride, a baby daddy. She young and had a kid.. And she put me thru heck.. Even after he ended it, several times ALOT, contact him. giving him sob stories, somtimes she be angry, she stalked him and ME.. MY home.. Even sent me messages wanting to be-freind me.. They are desperate.. They dont have an ounce of morals, and they want somthing that never belonged to them, nor if they "won", would it had last. As soon as the fantisy is over or they get what they wanted or find somthing better then they split. Unlike the faithful spouse who stands by there mate thru thick or thin. This people dont know the true meaning of love, the only know the fantasy of Love....


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If you try to disect the affair and the motives of both the AP and the WS you will drive yourself nuts.

Yes there are AP's who fight for the WS. There are also some who know when it's over and just let it go.

It is highly likely that the AP is a player since he only responded with defending himself.

Is the AP married or does he have signficant other? Perhaps he's afraid that his wife or other woman will find out about the affair?


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

No the AP was single, had nothing to protect on that end. Even introduced my S to his friends, siblings etc...


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

brokenbloke said:


> No the AP was single, had nothing to protect on that end. Even introduced my S to his friends, siblings etc...


Mine to, single.. introduced to family, friends etc... But were we differ is, my ws did the same thing! Yeah, my in-laws meet and allowed them to spend nights together at there home..


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

Just Tired Of It All said:


> Mine to, single.. introduced to family, friends etc... But were we differ is, my ws did the same thing! Yeah, my in-laws meet and allowed them to spend nights together at there home..


that last part is so messed up. Your family betrayed you...if im understanding the situation correctly.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

My MIL (although she never met the OM) also supported wife's affair, even suggested she should take him to dine out together to get closer. I don't have any MIL now as far as I concerned.

The OM didn't really "fight", but tried fishing for her again couple months back. I think fishing from the former APs is really common.


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## Just Tired Of It All (Oct 22, 2011)

My in-laws did and not only to me but there grandkids to. Our kids are older and they went to there grandparents home and caught there dad there with his OP.. And the sad twisted thing is that hey made there grandkids leave and allowed the Ap to stay there... And it gets even more twisted, the AP was almost same age as our kid. So yeah thats the sad hard cold truth there, it was being hidden from me. But everyone Knew but me at first, well even after D-day everyone still try to lie and hide it.. Even still allowed the A to be hide and carried on at my in-laws home... The AP family and freinds Knew about it to, and they helped to hide it and encouraged it to continue.... SICK HUH??


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

In my case the AP's already new the score, and often the relationships ended as quickly as they started.
My fWW had a SOP or a MO, and when ever they got to close she bailed.
In fact the last guy started getting to close and thats when she got sloppy and got caught.

There's a few cases were the AP broke it off, the *not* meeting of family and friends or going out in the light of day was a deal breaker for them.

I guess its hard to have a girl friend who's married, especially when your single and you want to show her off. At least in my fWW case.

Generaly speaking they all new the score in being with a married lonely housewife.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Broken,

Your wife's affair partner was a player looking to score. Sure, he introduced her around, but he is single and he may have not let it be known that she was married or, if he did, that it was an unhappy marriage that was about to end anyway.

There are plenty of cases where the affair partner fights for the married spouse. I would say more other women fight for the the married man than vice versa. The other men frequently are in it for sex, the other women for love or financial reasons. Not always, but it is a pattern I've noticed.

If the affair partner only sent a handful of emails with no response, and then gave up, he almost definitely was just in it for the sex. He may have stayed in it for the relationship if your wife was willing to dump you, but he definitely didn't "love" your wife like he told her he did. That was just to try to get her naked. If he truly loved her, he would have fought harder for her, tried to contact her in person to talk her out of going back to you.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Yes. She desperately wanted a long term relationship at any cost.

Even after NC letter was sent, she still tried to "fish" 3 months, 6 months and over a year later...


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

It seems that most AP's are just in for the sex especially when confronted by the BS most throw the other under the Bus rather quickly


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