# Unbbelievable-wife of 10 years has 3 EA's simultaneously!



## propeller (Jul 27, 2012)

I was approached one night recently by my wife of almost 10 years and was told that She was not attracted to me, that I was not a good "Partner", that I was not supportive, etc. I apologized and asked what we need to do to "make it better", she asked for time apart. I asked if there was someone else, and she told me NO!. I was not willing to split up, I immediately sought counseling from our minister, and set about the task of becoming a better Husband. Spent about a week being completely ignored, and came to the realization that there must be someone else. I did my homework and discovered that my suspicions were correct.

She admitted to the emotional affair, told me that they had not had sex but had met for lunch and kissed as they said their good-byes in the parking lot. I immediately forgave her, professsed my love, demanded NC, was promised that she would follow the rules. 
Two days later, I discovered that they were still friends on FB, demanded that she uphold her promise, and break contact with EA. again.

I subsequently over the next week or two discovered two more EA's, we'll call them EA2 and EA3. I was completely overwhelmed. How could a wife and mother of two of our children(6 & 8 years) do this to me, to our family? I was able to read the texts/messages- Comments to the other men about her inability to achieve sexual satisfaction because of my inability to satisfy her. The contents of the correspondence were very descriptive, pornographic, damaging, absolutely horrible. I forgave each time, and demanded NC's. 

I also discovered that WW was still trying to contact EA1 weeks after her repeated promises to NC.

There have been many days of very ugly conversations- I have called her names, I have insulted her, But I am really angry. My emotions are all over the place. One interesting thing is that we have had some of the best sex of our entire lives recently, IB I think it is called, but these new discoveries are ruining and chance of moving forward.

So, what to do? I have been faithful, and as good as I know how to be. I realize I have areas that i need to improve as a husband, but I did NOT deserve this. I do not see how i can EVER trust her again.

I have initiated counseling, Been to IC, we have been to two sessions of MC, but every week I uncover something new that takes us back to DDay all over again.

She swears that she wants to work it out and reconcile, refuses to leave the house(I have asked her to move out), but has an appointment with an attorney tomorrow to "Find out what her rights are". Her actions are in direct conflict with her words. 

I believe strongly in the vows I took, I want to do the right thing for myself, her, and the kids, but how much is too much? I have turned the other cheek until I have no cheek left. HELP!!


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

propeller said:


> She admitted to the emotional affair, told me that they had not had sex but had met for lunch and kissed as they said their good-byes in the parking lot.


You don't know if they had sex in the car though.


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## MadeInMichigan (May 8, 2012)

Do you see how all of your "demands" are working out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

propeller said:


> I was approached one night recently by my wife of almost 10 years and was told that She was not attracted to me, that I was not a good "Partner", that I was not supportive, etc. I apologized and asked what we need to do to "make it better", she asked for time apart. I asked if there was someone else, and she told me NO!. I was not willing to split up, I immediately sought counseling from our minister, and set about the task of becoming a better Husband. Spent about a week being completely ignored, and came to the realization that there must be someone else. I did my homework and discovered that my suspicions were correct.
> 
> She admitted to the emotional affair, told me that they had not had sex but had met for lunch and kissed as they said their good-byes in the parking lot. I immediately forgave her, professsed my love, demanded NC, was promised that she would follow the rules.
> 1]*Two days later, I discovered that they were still friends on FB, demanded that she uphold her promise, and break contact with EA. again.*
> ...




I have highlited points 1 - 6 because therin lies the main problem.
Not only is she a serial cheater, but she is a skillful manipulator.

Everytime she lies,you forgive.

And to top it off she's contacting a lawyer?

Forget about the sex. She's " gaslighting" you. Remember what she told the other men about your inability to satisfy her?

If you continue along this path,she will put you in the basement and bring the OM in your bed.

BTW,she has already has sex with at least one or more of these men.
That's why the truth is coming in trickles , and she has contacted a lawyer. She knows she is in deep sh!t.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

Go find a lawyer too, or very soon you're screwed. She is not on a path to reconcile.

In this situation you are very much forced to file.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Prop,

In addition to seeing a lawyer ASAP everyon is right. She probably is sleeping with EA1.

So the woman you married is nolonger your trusting,faithful, loving wife. Get that through your head.

Stop forgiving her. That forgiveness in her mind is just telling her you are a push over and she can go full speed haead with her Affairs. 

You my man are PLan B. Her backup plan.

You need to investigate and really see how far she has taken these relationships.

Now, it it was my wife I would have a bagpacked for her and I would throw her out of the home. Is she on the deed and mortgage with you?

Plus, now that she is going to see an Attorney I can guarantee you she is painting you as the bad guy and is figuring out how to get you out of the house.

Again, go see an attorney.

Plus I would out her Affairs to family and friends. I would expose the Affairs to everyone. 

If any of the OM identities are known I would expose them to their families as well.

You need to fight for your family now.

Get tough, see an attorney and make a plan of attack or you will really lose everything.

And stop calling her your wife because an alien has invaded her body and is now controlling her mind and actions.

Do not trust a word out of her mouth because all she has been doing to you is lying. Watch her actions. That is all you need to know.

HM64


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I have to agree. See a lawyer to see what your rights are, before she sends you packing.

What she needs right now is to see a STRONG husband, not an appeaser.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Do not leave your home, its considered child abandonment if divorce comes.

Read No More Mister Nice Guy before you lose everything.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

propeller said:


> I was approached one night recently by my wife of almost 10 years and was told that She was not attracted to me, that I was not a good "Partner", that I was not supportive, etc. I apologized and asked what we need to do to "make it better", she asked for time apart. I asked if there was someone else, and she told me NO!. I was not willing to split up, I immediately sought counseling from our minister, and set about the task of becoming a better Husband. Spent about a week being completely ignored, and came to the realization that there must be someone else. I did my homework and discovered that my suspicions were correct.
> 
> She admitted to the emotional affair, told me that they had not had sex but had met for lunch and kissed as they said their good-byes in the parking lot. I immediately forgave her, professsed my love, demanded NC, was promised that she would follow the rules.
> Two days later, I discovered that they were still friends on FB, demanded that she uphold her promise, and break contact with EA. again.
> ...


See an attorney pronto. If you stay too long in some states in the U.S it indicates you are condoning the affairs and they can not be use against her if you live in a state where you can file fault. 

If you live in a no fault state, EVERY ASSET you acquired during the marriage is half hers. 

Also, if you want custody of the kids proving neglect might help. 

A mother with young kids who is wasting time opening her legs to strange men and chatting on face book at night is ignoring her kids, no doubt.

Also, do NOT leave the house under any circumstance. Tell her to leave. If she won't get a legal separation and move into another room. Do NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE OTHERWISE IT'S HERS.


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## mahike (Aug 16, 2011)

I would not be to sure the EA's are not PA's. WS tend to lie. Remember she kept this from you. You need to learn more. Check phone records, credit card slips, keylogger on the computer and VAR in the car.

Expose the EA's to the world. Do these guys have spouses, GF's. Tell your wife it is over if she does not go completly nc right now. It was only the real threat of Divorce that shook my wife enough to start a real R.

Do not leave the house whatever you do. I would file for D, you do not have to go through with it but it will rock her world hard and that is what you need.

After you collect more info decide if you want to R or D. Also do not apoligize for anything at this point. The A's on her shoulders you did not make that choice she did

good luck


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Agreed with other posters.

When you find a cascade of lies--why are you going to believe ANYTHING that person tells you now. It's in her enormous self-interest to lie.

I would assume that there are more men, not less, that the nature of the affairs is more extreme, not less, until you find out otherwise.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Listen closely, This is an absolute.... It is not opinion, it is a law of survival when battling infidelity...

You mentioned her words, conflicting with her actions...

There is a reason, she is lying and she will continue. From this point forward, do not believe a word she says. Believe nothing you can not verify, and even then some scepticism is warranted. From where your sitting that may sound harsh, and overly dramatic.

It is not. 

You judge her ONLY on her actions, NEVER her words.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Well said Pit!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You also need to expose each her APs to the wives.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## propeller (Jul 27, 2012)

It has been less than a month since DDay 1, and less than a week after discovering NC was broken-(which was DDay 7). She comes home from work today to try to dictate terms of reconciliation- I told her that was my job, not hers- She says I am being to mean to her by "beating her over the head" (with words)as I discover new examples of dishonesty. She says my talks with her are examples of "Mental Cruelty", and that by talking with her about these issues, i am "Driving her away". I wonder if the affairs that she brought into our family may be construed as mental cruelty as well?

I have not been physically abusive with her, and I would never raise my hand to a woman. Mom raised me better. Still I have seen very few examples of remorse. Given this time line, how long does it typically take a WS to fully accept responsibility, accept and illustrate transparency without reservation, and accept MY terms regarding a true R? It seems that she is starting to come around, but it is taking lots of time. If the tables were turned, I'd have been on my knees begging forgiveness before there was ever a DDay.

Also, I have spoken with two of the three OM's- No threats, just polite and professional "Man to Man" talks. They have agreed to NC, but I may still let their wives know- Two of the three are married with young children. any further advice?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Exposé to the spouses regardless of what OMs say.

Push a little more about the parking lot encounter, sounds like there is more. If there is don't be so quick to forgive her again, think thoroughly before committing to R or D.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Your wife atleast f*cked EA1. Inform the wives if you want to hope to save your marriage.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

Exposé, expose, expose.

And tell her mental cruelty is when you make her stand up in front of the OMW's and confess what she did with their husbands to them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Expose to the wives. Your wife needs to understand there are consequences to many people - not just you - for her choices.

From what you write, I don't see her being remorseful or working to save the marriage. Many people have dealt with this by setting a secret deadline - say 2 or 3 months out - where if there isn't a real showing through actions of a true R, they realize they are either being played or the WS is just not going to return to the marriage by making an effort for it.

Then the pull the plug.

then there are others who let it linger for years and they suffer. Badly. They live in an ongoing limbo where they are living as a second class citizen in their WS's eyes - constantly trying to negotiate with the WS to return to the marriage and make them a priority. - if it gets to this point, there isn't much hope. The disrespect and detachment by the WS is too ingrained into the relationship. 

I'd also be really watchful for more DDays, the lack of remorse makes it likely that she may be just laying low for the moment.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also, stop wasting money on MC until she's really ready to work on the marriage. MC is for building a better marriage - not fixing her choice to cheat.

First deal with the cheating, then when she's really done breaking NC and actually remorseful only then can MC help. 

Right now it's just money down the drain.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

keko said:


> Exposé to the spouses regardless of what OMs say.
> 
> Push a little more about the parking lot encounter, sounds like there is more. If there is don't be so quick to forgive her again, think thoroughly before committing to R or D.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They lie to their wives they will lie twice as fast to the OP.


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## lifeisnotsogood (Jun 11, 2012)

propeller said:


> It has been less than a month since DDay 1, and less than a week after discovering NC was broken-(which was DDay 7). She comes home from work today to try to dictate terms of reconciliation- I told her that was my job, not hers- She says I am being to mean to her by "beating her over the head" (with words)as I discover new examples of dishonesty. She says my talks with her are examples of "Mental Cruelty", and that by talking with her about these issues, i am "Driving her away". I wonder if the affairs that she brought into our family may be construed as mental cruelty as well?
> 
> I have not been physically abusive with her, and I would never raise my hand to a woman. Mom raised me better. Still I have seen very few examples of remorse. Given this time line, how long does it typically take a WS to fully accept responsibility, accept and illustrate transparency without reservation, and accept MY terms regarding a true R? It seems that she is starting to come around, but it is taking lots of time. If the tables were turned, I'd have been on my knees begging forgiveness before there was ever a DDay.
> 
> Also, I have spoken with two of the three OM's- No threats, just polite and professional "Man to Man" talks. They have agreed to NC, but I may still let their wives know- Two of the three are married with young children. any further advice?


Yeah, 

I would have told the OM x 3 that I was not going to tell their wife, this time. However, if there was any texting, calling, seeing each other, etc, I would blow the covers off to their wives, their friends, their work, etc. I would then say, "If my wife attempts to contact you, let me know, here's my cell phone number. If you tell her that I talked to you, I'll blow the covers off. I think at that point they will know you are serious. 

Then I would track her phone by GPS and place a Voice Activated Recorder (VAR) in her car. Why? Because women who cheat on their husbands always talk to their lovers while driving. Get a key logger for your computer, so you can see if she has any secret email accounts. Check her text messages periodically and match them to your phone bill. Within a couple of weeks, you should know whether the NC is in order.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

file !!!! that will be a wakeup call. give her one chance to come clean of everything, saying if you find out anything else, it over.

let her know she is not going to rug sweep the pain to you by claiming abuse. And start telling her the things you write here. she needs to know your pain is worst than her lil discomfort at more being found out. 
Too many guys come here and say things here but not to the wives.
As her to read up on how a betrayed spouse feels, then she can stop with the rug sweeping.

In fact, ask if you know everything now. When she say yes, tell her you want a polygraph. When she say you should trust her, ask why, when she is a lier and a cheat.

I also hope you have talked to a lawyer. She has given you a pee at what she wants to see a lawyr about. MENTAL ABUSE!!! So you can either face reality and realize she is not going to follow your script, or stay in denial and watch your marriage blow up and you lose everything to her.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

D day 7 ??? and you still there !!!


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Your situation is not unique. We have seen it many times on these threads. Cheaters act in remarkably similar ways. It is said that the cheaters follow a "script." Your wife is following the cheater's script to a T. Cheaters lie. *Assume that all of your wife's words are lies. Believe only her actions.* If words and actions don't match up, believe actions.

*You have not been able to get your wife to break off contact with these other men.* She has said that she would break off contact, but then you have found out that she re-initiated contact. It is similar to an addiction. It is very common among cheaters. You don't know if your wife is sincere when she says she will end contact. Does she really want to end contact and then relapse, or does she just give you lip service that she is ending contact and has no intention of doing so? You don't know. The same is true of the other men you spoke to. Even if they were sincere, they may not be strong enough to resist.

You also don't know the truth about the extent of the affairs. You only know what you have found out on your own and what your wife tells you. If you look at the threads on this forum, you will not be able to find a single time when the cheater confessed the full truth right off the bat. It is extremely common, almost to the point of being cliche', that if a cheater says they kissed, it usually means they really had sex, and if the cheater says it only happened once, it usually means it happened at least five times.

It is very possible that your wife has had sex with at least one of these men. If she was able to meet up with them in person, it is very possible they had sex. Cheaters are very reckless. They have unprotected sex in public places, like in cars. They are so infatuated with each other it almost is like a drug and they can't resist. We are talking about two grown adults here, not two eighth-graders. They are not likely to stop at kissing if they are able to take it further. If they have been in an emotional affair for at least a few weeks, and then they meet up, it is likely that they will take the physical act as far as the situation permits. If they are able to park the car in a semi-secluded spot and they have enough time to do so, they will.

*Throughout all of the actions you take, it is best if you can remain calm, cool, confident. * You should adopt the attitude that you love your wife and want to stay married, but not if she insists on betraying her vows and cheating on you. Your attitude should be that, if she is willing to give up the other men, you will work as hard as you can on improving yourself and your marriage, but if she is not willing to give up the other men, you can and will file for divorce and move on without her. There is no guarantee you can save your marriage no matter what you do. You have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it.

*If you want to save your marriage, the first step is to break up the affairs. *Even if the affairs have temporarily stopped, you've been through seven D-days already, so you know it is likely the affairs will start up again unless you take action to stop them. At this moment, you do not know if your wife is in conact or not, you don't know if she is even sincere about wanting to end contact, you don't know if the other men were even sincere about saying they would end contact, and you don't know if they will be able to fight the urge to contact each other even if they were sincere.

*The best thing you can do to end the affairs is expose the affairs to the other men's wives.* Contact the other men's wives and tell them what is going on. *Do not tell them or your wife that you are doing this.* Just do it. If you give them any type of warning, they will take actions to either prevent you from contacting their wives, or paint you as a crazy jealous husband who is overreacting to innocent contact. When you expose, line up all of your contact information ahead of time and try to do them one after the other close together. Take out EA1 first, then EA2 and EA3. Keep it brief, apologize for being the bearer of bad news but tell them you thought they would want to know, ask them for their support in helping to end the affairs.

*When the other men's wives find out, the other men will likely throw your wife under the bus to save their own marriages. * Not only does this help to end contact, but it also helps your wife to see that she is not that important to the other men. Your wife may have a fantasy that the other men love her and she loves them and they are soulmates and willl live happily ever after one day. When the other men throw your wife under the bus, it snaps her out of her fantasy and helps her to start to see that you are the one who truly loves her and is fighting for her, not them.

After you expose to the other men's wives, the other men will contact your wife and your wife will go ballistic. She may leave the house and stay with friends or relatives for a few days. If she follows the script, she will tell you that she was thinking of working it out with you, but now that you've done this, she wants a divorce. Just calmly *tell your wife that everything you do, you are doing to fight for your marriage and your family*. If she has no contact and no intentions of seeing or talking to the other men anyway, what is the big deal to your wife? Doesn't she think the other men's wives have a right to know? Would your wife want to know if you were cheating on her, or would she prefer to stay in the dark about it? Stick to the line that everything you are doing, you are doing to fight for her and fight for your marriage and family.

*Tell your wife that you love her now and have always loved her and that you are willing to work on yourself and work on your marriage, but not if she insists on continuing to cheat *on you. Tell her that you want to stay married, but not if she insists on betraying her vows and cheating on you. Tell her that if she is willing to give up the other men, you will work as hard as you can on improving yourself and your marriage, but if she is not willing to give up the other men, you can and will file for divorce and move on without her.

*Tell your wife that you cannot control her, you can only control yourself *and what you are willing to accept in a marriage and what you are not willing to accept, and how you react to her actions. Tell your wife that in order for you to continue in the marriage, she must meet the following conditions:

*Your wife must handwrite a no contact letter to each other man *stating how horribly ashamed she is of her behavior, how terrible she feels for risking losing her marriage, family, and husband, which are the most important things in the world to her, and stating that if the other man ever attempts to contact her again, she will file harassment charges against him. She gives you the letter for editing and to mail to the other man.

If any of the other men tries to contact her, she must not respond and let you know immediately.

*Your wife must give you complete access to all communication devices and passwords to accounts.* She must not delete any messages. Also, she has to let you know her whereabouts 24/7 until you develop some level of trust.

*Your wife must give you the complete truth about all affair details.* Almost certainly she has minimized the length of time, the number of sexual encounters, and her involvement as far as who pursued who. All of this is fairly recent, you know she remembers all of the significant details very well. You may want to set up a polygraph to verify the major details, such as whether or not she ever had sex with the other men.

*Tell her that if she refuses to meet any of your conditions you will file for divorce.* Then, if she refuses, do it. Sometimes filing for divorce is the only way the cheater realizes you are serious and they can't push you around anymore. Divorce is a long process and you can always stop it if your wife agress to stop cheating and work on the marriage.

Also, get a voice-activated recorder and some heavy-duty velcro and put it under the seat of your wife's car. This may help you to find out the truth about what has happened and what continues to happen. If you can put a gps on the car, that also might help you find out the truth of her being where she says she is.


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## propeller (Jul 27, 2012)

As of this morning, she is still "Downplaying" the significance of the affairs, tells me I am being "Over-Dramatic". Says I am acting as if the affairs were PA's instead if EA's. This is the ultimate insult.

IMHO, I would prefer a PA over an EA any day. No attempts by her today to touch me, to reassure me, just animosity, snickering and discomfort when I attempt to ask her about these issues. She says she does not do anything because she is afraid that it will "Not be enough". So, she chooses to do nothing. I saw a quote that has become my mew motto, 

"If you want to do something today, you will find a way to do it. If you do not, you will make an excuse." 

She continues to make excuses and downplay her sins against me and our children and family. How long do I need to try to make it work before I end the misery by filing? Should I file for Seperation, or Divorce? HELP!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Im sorry but she doesn't seem to be remorseful at all. 

You may want to consider having her served with divorce papers. She'll either be shocked out of the fantasy she's in or she'll take your offer, at which point you'll know she's been stringing you all along.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

propeller said:


> As of this morning, she is still "Downplaying" the significance of the affairs, tells me I am being "Over-Dramatic". Says I am acting as if the affairs were PA's instead if EA's. This is the ultimate insult.
> 
> IMHO, I would prefer a PA over an EA any day. No attempts by her today to touch me, to reassure me, just animosity, snickering and discomfort when I attempt to ask her about these issues. She says she does not do anything because she is afraid that it will "Not be enough". So, she chooses to do nothing. I saw a quote that has become my mew motto,
> 
> ...


There are two pages of advice here. Are you looking for advice different from what has already been given? Tell us the answer you are looking for and maybe we can find someone to give you it.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Check to see if you can download a divorce packet. In some counties (states?) you have to go to the county court house to get the do it yourself packet. 

My point is to get the packet to show her you mean business if she is not going to come artound. Real signs of a looming divorce may shake things up in a good way and it can't get much worse.

Get the book Not Just Friends and Married Man Sex Life. 

Here is a link for you to print and read wiht your wife, maybe this will reach her, its the 11th post down:

The Wayward Spouse Instructions:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/genera...sided-need-perspective-please.html#post534068


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## Leobwin (Apr 28, 2012)

propeller said:


> ...I have spoken with two of the three OM's- No threats, just polite and professional "Man to Man" talks. They have agreed to NC, but I may still let their wives know- Two of the three are married with young children. any further advice?


I exposed an A to the OM's SO, and also read in some of his friends and family, as well as some of DW's friends.

When this OM's SO confronted him, he began a false R, based on the untruth that there had never been an A. DW and he were just good friends, ya know?

I found out months later that this OM, his SO and all these friends on both sides had been having conversations about how I was a bad, bad man and a complete control freak for breaking up DW's friendship with OM. They said things like, "Leobwin is such an ass, and OM is such a nice guy, it's easy to see how DW would rather talk to OM" ((...THAN TALK TO HER HUSBAND?! AUGH!))

When the dust cleared, all I'd accomplished was to provide a tidy setup for this OM to use a false R as a smoke-and-mirrors ploy behind which to hide the continuing affair with DW.

My advise to you: Get a careful read of the land before exposing an affair.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Sorry man. She' not remorseful. At.All. I see very little hope to be honest. Unless something big really happen I'd move on with my life.
As everybody told you I'd expose those men like yesterday and keep snooping.
Then you should completely stop talking with her about your marriage, the infidelity... anything except finances and logistics. Stop asking, don't engage, don't bargain. Get all the will power you can gather to detach and protect yourself from all this nonsense. You already layed the law. She just wants to cut corners, exactly as she did cheating on you. She's the same wayward. Just ignore her. Do your thing. And by doing your thing I mean lawyering up and filing for D ASAP. Go completely dark on her. She's not even a inch remorseful. Why do you wan't to stay with her? Imagine just staying with her if she doesn't change her attitudde, you will kill yourself. Can she had an epiphany? I highly doubt, better embrace the idea she's too far gone. Even if she shows suddenly a 180 change in her behavior I'd wait for a while for consistent behavior.
The 180 degree rules
Just Let Them Go


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

Leobwin said:


> I exposed an A to the OM's SO, and also read in some of his friends and family, as well as some of DW's friends.
> 
> When this OM's SO confronted him, he began a false R, based on the untruth that there had never been an A. DW and he were just good friends, ya know?
> 
> ...


Leobwin, I believe this poster's situation is different than yours in that he actually has evidence of the affairs, such as texts and his wife's admission.

Exposure of the affair, if done right, is the single most effective way to end the affair. There are never any guarantees that the marriage can be saved.

The bottom line is that if you are not willing to end the marriage if your wife continues to cheat or downplay the affair, then you are at the mercy of whatever your wife chooses to do.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Stop taking her BS.

Talking to another man without being threatening is begging another man not to bang your wife. So this was absurd and weak. Yes the multiple OM are culpable and deserve your anger and so on but your problem is your wife. But how serious do you think they will take a husband who is asking them not to have sex with his wife? Several of them. I mean you don't think they knew she was married? Some guys really get off on dominating another man by taking their wife. Sick phucks yes but you know their is a good way around this situation. Don't accept it.

You only know of these three. Likely have been more over time. This is not a traditional EA situation where a woman falls in love with another man. This is a woman cheating on her husband and falling in lust with multiple other men. Totally different situation.

It was also absurd to forgive her right away. This enabled her to continue cheating. Peronally I think you should move on with your life without this boat anchor that is trying to humliate you and pull you under.

BTW, nothing wrong with demands. That is setting boundaries. BUT the point about that is that demands mean nothing without the real threat that breaking the boundaries means you file and are gone.

Her kissing another man makes it a PA. Yeah, yeah, that is not penetration. But kissing is very intimate. So intimate many couples who do have sex do not truly kiss. Plus what adult kisses and does not pull the other into and embrace and caress the other. But no matter, remember that when they admit to a kiss it was at least a BJ. So take it to the bank she has been having sex with at least one guy but probably all three.

Do you need proof of that? Maybe you do but for many the fact she is having these affairs and feels empowered to do so means she is an unfaithful cheating wife. Lets call her "entitled".

Get a lawyer. Stop being disresepcted. Stop forgiving her. You do not even know what you are forgiving her for.

The one being abused here is you. She is cuckolding you. Now that is real mental cruelty.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

propeller said:


> As of this morning, she is still "Downplaying" the significance of the affairs, tells me I am being "Over-Dramatic". Says I am acting as if the affairs were PA's instead if EA's. This is the ultimate insult.
> 
> IMHO, I would prefer a PA over an EA any day. No attempts by her today to touch me, to reassure me, just animosity, snickering and discomfort when I attempt to ask her about these issues. She says she does not do anything because she is afraid that it will "Not be enough". So, she chooses to do nothing. I saw a quote that has become my mew motto,
> 
> ...


An unfaithful wife is an unfaithful wife. Tell her you will not accept any of it. Zero tolerance of unfaithfulness so she should go argue her case to herself and that you will not tolerate it any longer.

File. Get moving.

Now you are arguing with yourself which is worse an EA or a PA. Stop that.
That is like asking yourself whether you want to be shot to death or stabbed to death.

NONE or what she is doing is acceptable. Have some firm boundaries. Boundaries are intended as a tool for us to deal with a shade of gray world.

Right now you are in a one way open marriage.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Leobwin said:


> I exposed an A to the OM's SO, and also read in some of his friends and family, as well as some of DW's friends.
> 
> When this OM's SO confronted him, he began a false R, based on the untruth that there had never been an A. DW and he were just good friends, ya know?
> 
> ...


Why would anyone care what other people said about him and not focus on the unfaithfulness of their wife. 

A man knows his own mind. He knows his boundaries. He does not care what others may or may not say. He does not act according to how others feel. He does not accept disrespect from anyone. Anyone and especially his wife.

Being careful in the way you state it is another way of introducing FEAR into the situation. Fear is the worst thing he could indulge. He knows now his wife is unfaithful with multiple men. A real man takes action if this type of situation. He does not use excuses to not act. That is weak. Perhaps your situation is different. But for the OP has been very clear about his situation.

FUD. Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt. Some folks live this way. Not a healthy thing to do. Some like to spread FUD. They are no ones friend.


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## propeller (Jul 27, 2012)

Wow, thanks for the honesty advice. Gonna do as directed this week. Thanks all!!


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## Leobwin (Apr 28, 2012)

Will_Kane said:


> Leobwin, I believe this poster's situation is different than yours in that he actually has evidence of the affairs, such as texts and his wife's admission.


You incorrectly believe this. I've shared nothing related on this forum. From where did you source your information?

What I didn't do, was post that outing the affair to the other person's spouse is the wrong thing to do. Nor did I advise inaction. To be clear, I feel it IS the correct thing to do, and must be done.

What I did do, was share my experience, and advocate careful planning before action.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Oh. So she wants to establish what her "rights" are, without bothering to find out what her "responsibilities" are?

Out her. Tell her OMs wives about her.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Prop,

How did your WW meet these d*cks? Any idea?

As others have pointed out, there was a semen deposit made from OM#1 without doubt, as proved by her continued attempts at contact. BTW, they never use rubbers in affairs because that would prevent absorption of the mood elevating chemicals found in semen. That absorption can be vaginal or sublingual.

Never contact any OM for any reason unless it's to beat the living sh!t out of him (I'm not recommending that). Anything else makes you the beta-chimp supplicant asking the alpha-chimp for mercy. Don't be gamma, either.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Just one more thing: DNA the kids.


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## Leobwin (Apr 28, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Just one more thing: DNA the kids.


Absolutely. In my sitch this brought me great peace of mind, but it could've swung the other way....and that would be useful knowledge to have at a pre-trial settlement conference.


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## costa200 (Jun 27, 2012)

> That absorption can be vaginal or sublingual.


I like your type of brutal honesty. And you're absolutely right.

Biologically it makes no sense to cheat using barrier contraceptives like condoms.


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## propeller (Jul 27, 2012)

Doing the 180 and moving on. She cannot stop lying to me, the simplest things become MORE lies- She promises complete transparency on a daily basis but is still erasing texts and call records. Without truth, honesty, and genuine effort to do the right thing, I am DONE! Sorry Honey, I know you have found this thread, I must move on. I will not let you hurt me again, not one more time!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Stupidity at its finest. Maybe she'll learn a thing or two reading this site.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If your wife is reading this then let me say.....

Why to go dumb @ss you had a chance to keep your family together and you failed misserably.Even after cheating on your man you continued to be stupid.

Have a good life alone in a trailer ful of cats a cat boo, only to be found dead and alone by the postman.


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## Will_Kane (Feb 26, 2012)

propeller said:


> Doing the 180 and moving on. She cannot stop lying to me, the simplest things become MORE lies- She promises complete transparency on a daily basis but is still erasing texts and call records. Without truth, honesty, and genuine effort to do the right thing, I am DONE! Sorry Honey, I know you have found this thread, I must move on. I will not let you hurt me again, not one more time!


Cheaters lie. Assume everything she says is a lie unless it is supported by her actions. If there's a conflict between the words and the actions, believe the actions.

If your wife is cheating on you, get the idea out of your head that she is your friend. She is not. She is the enemy. She is lying to you and working against you to continue the affairs. The woman who once was your best friend, no longer considers you to be her friend. You are just the guy she needs - for finances, for respectability, for helping babysit the kids, help around the house, whatever.

If you head to divorce, don't let her fool you by her being nice. Be wary that she will be nice to get what she wants from you.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Surprised no one caught the "Mental Cruelty" warning shot over his bow. She has definitely talked to a lawyer and she is setting him up.

The faster he gets ahead of her in the legal game, the better. The problem with the 180 is that while he's running that, she's planning an exit.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Chris Taylor said:


> Surprised no one caught the "Mental Cruelty" warning shot over his bow. She has definitely talked to a lawyer and she is setting him up.
> 
> The faster he gets ahead of her in the legal game, the better. The problem with the 180 is that while he's running that, she's planning an exit.


The 180 is designed to help you move on from a bad relationship, NOT to save it.


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