# now what



## shane33 (Apr 5, 2008)

Well my of 15 years left me with the kids and got a place of her own well this has been tough we maintian to be good friends and are working on our problems. well all has been going good i buy her flowers all the time which i never did before help her in any way i can bring her coffee after work, ect well anyway i have been staying up at her house with the kids and her i just sleep on the couch is all. last nite i was rubbing her feet as they were sore from work and the started on her back and legs basically all over well before i new it we were making love and believe me it was very good we haven't done it like that for a long time well after it was over she said she was confused and wanted to be alone which i said ok and left her to sleep and think now i am very concerned i got up early and got the kids ready for school and told her to stay in bed and sleep she has been very tired lately so now what do i do we have only been separtated for two weeks i love this women with all of my heart and soul she says she doesn't know how she feels about me anymore i can't let her go she is my world and i love her i am confused my self i am trying to reconcille my marriage somebody please help me..


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Hi Shane,

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. After being together for many years, it's fairly common for one or both spouses to question their feelings for one another. It sounds as though you are both working on your problems together, and that's great you are both still getting along. It's probably better to hold off on sex until things settle a bit with her as I'm sure your recent changes, buying flowers, etc. (which sound great by the way) and her confused feelings towards you already have her head spinning. I think the best course going forward is to have some long talks on what has been making her unhappy in the relationship and really listen to what she is saying and respond so she knows you hear it. For example, if she says 'I just don't feel you love me because it seems like the only time you touch me is when we have sex' You could say 'I'm sorry. Thinking back I can see why you feel that way. I definitely don't feel that way and now that you brought this up, I will make sure I don't get into that bad pattern again because I never want you to feel unloved especially by me.' Find out what she wants, what she feels is missing and talk it all through. The most difficult thing is that when you suddenly make changes, she will probably question whether you are just scrambling to get her back or if you have really changed for the long haul, so be consistent...flowers can get expensive but it's more of sticking with it (a sweet card or hand-written note will work just as well) Hang in there.


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## shane33 (Apr 5, 2008)

thank you swedish for the advice i will try my best to talk to her but she keeps on saying that she doesn't know what she wants and gets mad when i try to talk to her about it i am confused myself and have decided to take it one day at a time with her and see how things progress from there


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