# How involved was your STBXH in your new home?



## Goodbye (May 16, 2021)

Did your soon to be exes get involved in your house hunt when divorcing? We will likely share joint custody. Mine has started to ask me what prices are the houses I'm looking at and whether I've spoken to developers about new builds etc.

On the face of it, this maybe sounds nice and caring but it felt weird to me. We've not exchanged form E yet and while I've been looking online at properties, I want to wait until we know the value of our current property at least so that I have an idea of my share of the equity before I house hunt seriously. 

The other issue is that he's got a very negative outlook on things in life while being very opinionated. He is the type who readily criticises, looks for problems and shoots down solutions but rarely points out positives. I don't need this type of negativity. Hopefully he doesn't have a right to be involved in my choice of new home just because his children will be living in it but what is the usually done thing in this situation?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Until your divorce is complete do not buy any property. Your ex could try to stake a claim on it.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Goodbye said:


> Did your soon to be exes get involved in your house hunt when divorcing? We will likely share joint custody. Mine has started to ask me what prices are the houses I'm looking at and whether I've spoken to developers about new builds etc.
> 
> On the face of it, this maybe sounds nice and caring but it felt weird to me. We've not exchanged form E yet and while I've been looking online at properties, I want to wait until we know the value of our current property at least so that I have an idea of my share of the equity before I house hunt seriously.
> 
> The other issue is that he's got a very negative outlook on things in life while being very opinionated. He is the type who readily criticises, looks for problems and shoots down solutions but rarely points out positives. I don't need this type of negativity. Hopefully he doesn't have a right to be involved in my choice of new home just because his children will be living in it but what is the usually done thing in this situation?


Still trying to control you? Tell him it's none of his concern. Don't tell him anything.


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## Jimi007 (6 mo ago)

When it involves the children , yes you have to talk....


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Goodbye said:


> Did your soon to be exes get involved in your house hunt when divorcing?


Absolutely not! My personal life, financials, living situation, etc were none of his business.



Jimi007 said:


> When it involves the children , yes you have to talk....


No, you don't. I divorced when my daughters were 6 and 1 year old. Parallel parenting and using an app or family member until the children are old enough to communicate on their own worked well for me. I literally spoke to my exH twice in over a decade and a half.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Why would you involve your ex? Her opinion and input means nothing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Are you still living together? If not why are you telling him anything about what you are doing?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Goodbye said:


> Did your soon to be exes get involved in your house hunt when divorcing? We will likely share joint custody. Mine has started to ask me what prices are the houses I'm looking at and whether I've spoken to developers about new builds etc.
> 
> On the face of it, this maybe sounds nice and caring but it felt weird to me. We've not exchanged form E yet and while I've been looking online at properties, I want to wait until we know the value of our current property at least so that I have an idea of my share of the equity before I house hunt seriously.
> 
> The other issue is that he's got a very negative outlook on things in life while being very opinionated. He is the type who readily criticises, looks for problems and shoots down solutions but rarely points out positives. I don't need this type of negativity. Hopefully he doesn't have a right to be involved in my choice of new home just because his children will be living in it but what is the usually done thing in this situation?


No way! I kept that **** secret; exes have no claim on your future choices. Definitely be careful when you buy; like Andy said, he could stake a claim. Or, he could be creepy like my ex and move across town to your stomping grounds for whatever reason.

Who cares what his outlook is? You two are divorcing! Don't discuss anything but the divorce and child custody.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Nope to anything concerning your new life. Before my exH moved out, while the divorce was pending, he brought the mail inside and saw something for me in it. He said “Oh, you’re thinking of moving there — you always said you didn’t like it”. I smiled and said “I like a lot of things I didn’t used to.” I wasn’t even planning to move there but I decided to just for a year because he was so shocked that I would consider it. And he was right — I didn’t like it but he never knew that.


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## Goodbye (May 16, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Are you still living together? If not why are you telling him anything about what you are doing?


Hi. We are still living together. I haven't told him what I'm doing. He was asking and I mumbled a two word "not yet" response. I'll move out when I've purchased a property to move into.
When I say he's negative I'm referring to him generally... Throughout the time I've known him.


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## Goodbye (May 16, 2021)

Andy1001 said:


> Until your divorce is complete do not buy any property. Your ex could try to stake a claim on it.


Thank you, noted. I can't at the moment anyway.


DownByTheRiver said:


> Still trying to control you? Tell him it's none of his concern. Don't tell him anything.


Exactly this! This is how it felt. Thank you.


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## Goodbye (May 16, 2021)

TXTrini said:


> No way! I kept that **** secret; exes have no claim on your future choices. Definitely be careful when you buy; like Andy said, he could stake a claim. Or, he could be creepy like my ex and move across town to your stomping grounds for whatever reason.
> 
> Who cares what his outlook is? You two are divorcing! Don't discuss anything but the divorce and child custody.


Thank you.


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## shella09 (4 mo ago)

Openminded said:


> Nope to anything concerning your new life. Before my exH moved out, while the divorce was pending, he brought the mail inside and saw something for me in it. He said “Oh, you’re thinking of moving there — you always said you didn’t like it”. I smiled and said “I like a lot of things I didn’t used to.” I wasn’t even planning to move there but I decided to just for a year because he was so shocked that I would consider it. And he was right — I didn’t like it but he never knew that.


So far the best action to recognize them they are not that important they think they are


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

My ex and I took out a loan together for the house I now live in knowing we were getting a divorce. It was stated in the divorce decree that he would have the other house and this would be mine. I agreed to get the paperwork put into my name two years after the divorce which I did. We did not look at houses together.


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