# Needing advice in dissolution.



## LostInSeparation (Feb 26, 2012)

My husband and I have decided to separate and that a dissolution is the route we think is best. Im okay with everything we have talked about but some days I feel like he is getting the best of this. I have a heart and I think that ruining our family is already bad enough Im not trying to take him out of house and home I just want happiness for us both. He knows many lawyers and people with power and I guess has his strings he can pull and I doubt he would ever mess with my well being but lately Ive been given reason to think otherwise so now I want to ask for help instead of taking him for his word. For the most part we have agreed on custody for our one child and who is taking/keep/paying for what. Im moving out leaving him with the house and taking with me an about to be shut off electric bill. $1000 dollars because he never paid the gas which is shut off (in my name also) and he chose to use elec heaters all winter. I told him that I would get help with paying it but then he also wants me to pay half the dissolution which he claims is around $1500. I dont have a job!! I stayed at home with my daughter so he could start his business (which he just recently let go under). I dont have any college, Im 22, and I dont even know where to begin with starting over like this.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

You are 22. The world is your oyster.

Right now, YES, it seems overwhelming and difficult.

Utilities will work out payment plans. Call them, talk to them.

Why are you divorcing though? What is the problem?

But at 22...in a few years, this will be a blip in your life. Love your daughter, take care of yourself and you will be ok.

Just call your bill creditors. They do work with people. I did that all the time as a single mom (ages 24 to 31).


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## LostInSeparation (Feb 26, 2012)

Its actually a long story but we married due to my religious family and my being pregnant and I shouldve stood up for MY beliefs then. I knew what we had was strong but even being pregnant, I questioned it. I tried up until this point and it got worse with every month. After talking the decision over with him, I felt free of every lifetime worry I ever had and its only now, that financial issues and things worry me. I believe that it will all work out it just doesnt hurt to have some advice to avoid long term damage to my financial situation.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Any assets and debts from the marriage are 50/50, it really doesn't matter who left the lights on or who earned the money to pay the mortgage. If you bought the house together any equity is half yours, but the remaining mortgage is also half yours. It does get tricky so be very careful with anything you agree to, and for the record my dissolution package cost $250.00, call the local court and they can tell you what the cost is. It does sound like he is trying to take advantage of you, many lawyers will give you a free consult, just call and ask.

There is a web site I used called http://www.freeadvice.com/, lots of different forums there but if you scroll down to family law you will see a section for divorce. Obviously use common sense but I got a lot of helpful information from the attorneys that post there. Like this site you have to register to post questions but that's no big deal, and it's free.

Best of luck


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## LostInSeparation (Feb 26, 2012)

I thought I was feeling like I was getting taken advantage of. I get the whole 50/50 thing but like I said, Im leaving him with the house. I never asked for half, never said I'd kick him out, and when I bring up the 50/50 thing, he trips out and threatens me with a divorce "that I cant afford" he claims. I know that if we went to court I would get 50/50 and thats FAR more than Im actually taking. He seems to think Im nuts but I think Im nuts for being lenient. Also I seen on here where another lady got her divorce final in one day and $50!! $250 is still better than $1500. Any way thanks a lot.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

LostInSeparation said:


> I thought I was feeling like I was getting taken advantage of. I get the whole 50/50 thing but like I said, Im leaving him with the house. I never asked for half, never said I'd kick him out, and when I bring up the 50/50 thing, he trips out and threatens me with a divorce "that I cant afford" he claims. I know that if we went to court I would get 50/50 and thats FAR more than Im actually taking. He seems to think Im nuts but I think Im nuts for being lenient. Also I seen on here where another lady got her divorce final in one day and $50!! $250 is still better than $1500. Any way thanks a lot.


I'm the lady who got her divorce in one day for $50. That was in 1976. That's like $500 now. 

We did not have children. We did not own a house. I let him keep everything else we owned except the cothing on by back and my small bank account.

And nothing in the court system just about anywhere can be done in one day now. Divorces were still pretty rare in 1976 compared to now. I was the first person in many generations of my family to get a divorce. Now at least half of my generation forward have been divorced. The world has chance.

And this brings up a very big point... each divorce is individual. Your situtation is not like mine and Visa Versa.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Lost, 

About your situation, divorce laws are different in every state. But there are similarities as well. The state you live in can make a huge difference in the cost of a divorce.

There is a lot of important info that is needed... for example...

Does your husband have a job now? 

How long were you married?

Are you looking for a job? It will be expected that you do find work. You could also get into school using financial aid.

If your husband wants to threaten you with a divorce you cannot afford, he's not very bright. You see you have the legal right to legal representation. This will be paid out of community income and assets. That means you go to an attorney and ask that attorney to have the court order that the attorney's fees be paid out of the marital community. So your husband could very well be paying his own legal fees and yours.

So the next time he threatens your with and expensive divorce that you cannot afford, just tell him that if he goes that route you will get the best attorney in town and ask that he (your husband) pay the fees. Telling him this will most likely put that nonsense to rest.

Do you have a joint checking/savings account? If you do go tomorrow and put half of all funds in those accounts into accounts in your name. Keep all deposits slips and good records because you need them if you go to court. You are to robbing him but only taking what is legally yours. And you are protecting yourself.

Do not do the martyr thing and take a lot less than you are entitled to. You need to get an education and job skills for the benefit of your child if nothing else. You will need the 50% to do this. 

Is your husband going to pay you child support?

Did the two of you buy the house together? Is the loan in both of your names? Where did the down payment come from? Is there any equity in the house?

You are entitled to 50% of the equity that accrued while you were married. 

If the utilities bills are in your name then it makes sense for you to take them because he probably will not pay them. But then he has to take the same amount of other bills or give you a larger portion of cash/equity/etc. to make up for you taking those bills.

How about cars. Are there two cars? Whose name are the titles in? How about the loans? Can you get a car out of this since you will need one? Be sure to find out the equity in the cars. That equity is community property and can be used to bargin.

For example you take the $1000 utility bills and get a car free and clear in exchange.

Even if the two of you are doing your own divorce, still have someone look it over. Do not take your husband’s word for things. IT does sound like he is trying to rail road you to some extent.
Those are just some thoughts that came to mind.


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## LostInSeparation (Feb 26, 2012)

-Yes, my husband still has his business. It isnt as great as it was but he still does the work. He is just the only worker as opposed to having a crew for him.

-We have been married since June 19th, 2010. Not long.

-I am currently looking for a job, I applied at a few places and my grandmother is disscussing paying for me to take some college classes.

-I do try to sit him down and convince him of how Im not being that wife who runs off with everything. No matter how fair the court may think that is the female getting more than half, I only want whats rightfully mine and nothing more. He gets loud with me and I give up, he used to be abusive and I dont want to anger him to the point of that again.

-We have no joint checking accounts, I dont have any accounts in my name.

-He doesnt pay his child support for his 1st child (with another lady) so I doubt he will for me but I will certainly file.

-The house was bought from a family friend of mine. Its in his name and my husband paid all the money for it. Once they get time, it will go in my hubands name. Originally it wouldve went in mine.

-2 vehicles are in my name, his work van is in his. I traded my Mustang for his work truck and told him he could have it. Im keeping my Jeep that he paid for ($1400). Mustang was $7000.

I was thinking about alimony. I told him I wouldnt file for it but now I dont know.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

He does not sound very powerful to me. He can't even pay a gas bill. I would not worry about him right now. You can always go back and ask the courts to take a look at your situation.

Remember, if you have custodial care of your daughter you can petition the courts at any time for review.


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