# Wife's Spring Break Trip and Other Problems



## clam (Aug 7, 2012)

I am in desperate need of some outside opinions on whether I am being overly possessive or if my wife is being unfair.

Background: my wife and I are going through a rough patch right now. We have been married less than two years and she just went back to school. She has been extremely busy and when she isn't working, she is socializing with her classmates. I join in when I can and when she invites me, but she has been prioritizing hanging with her classmates more and more since school has begun. She also became really close to a male friend and has been spending a lot of time with him, though she claims never alone. We had been fighting constantly over a number of things for about a month or so until recently things have started to get a bit better after a series of difficult talks. 

Current Issue: One of the major things we have argued about is her spring break plans. Essentially, she came to me one day and said she was going to go to Africa for 10 days on a group trip with school (which has nothing do with her education - it is just a spring break trip) with about 35 other people in the spring. She didn't invite me initially, didn't really want to have any discussion about it; she just told me that was what she was doing. I asked if partners were able to go and she told me that they could go if there were spots open but it was highly unlikely. She also told me she wouldn't want me to go if I were going to be the only spouse "tagging along." There were probably other trips where spouses could get in but she never really divulged any information about that - she was set on this one trip from the start. She did agree not to go on the same trip as the close male friend after I told her that would bother me, but I was still hurt pretty badly. 

We have always loved traveling together, our wedding was travel themed but she was adamant about going by herself. The thing is we really have not gotten to spend much time together over the past few months. Her schedule is full and mine is getting very busy. It seems like almost anytime she gets a free moment she chooses to hang out with her school friends and not me. Recently, she has working on making me more of a priority but I am really pretty upset about this trip. I want to trust her but she can get pretty unreliable and prone to treating me pretty poorly when she is drunk (I don't think she has cheated but I worry about it a lot). We are both working on things but this trip is really worrying me already and it is still a few months away. I just feel like she is going to do what she wants there and that she feels like what I don't know won't hurt me. I am unsure how to handle it. I have already told her I would like to go somewhere with her but she just told me I need to let her do her own thing (she says she let me do my own thing before we were married). I can't tell her she can't go because then I am just controlling and she wouldn't have it. I am confused and don't really know what to think at this point. Advice is greatly appreciated. 

Thanks.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

From what you have said you have a right to be concerned.

You may want to stick a voice activated recorder in her car and figure out what you are up against.
Her wanting to go on the trip without you and spending more time with her classmates rather than with you are both red flags.
I would say if she goes then you should just file something is going on imo.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I'd be concerned.Big time.

But then again I don't agree with taking any sort of vacation without my spouse even though many people have no problems with that sort of arrangement.

Even if nothing is going on she is still pushing you to the side and that's not right either.


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## MaBi123 (Nov 28, 2013)

In my opinion, you are not being too possessive. 

I don't think married/LRT couples should do social trips without one another, unless maybe it's once in a while with a really good friend of the same sex, and they don't go somewhere that will cause temptation (ie Las Vegas). For example, if your wife wanted to go on a spa weekend with her sister/best girl friend, that would be ok I think.

However, this is not the case. She is going out of the country with a presumably mixed-sex group of people neither of you know very well.

You are married. Your wife should be going on vacation with YOU, not some random classmates. She should, in the very least, invite you to join and not go if there isn't a spot for you.

I'm sure others will disagree with me, but that's how I see it.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I'd be concerned.Big time.
> 
> But then again I don't agree with taking any sort of vacation without my spouse even though many people have no problems with that sort of arrangement.
> 
> Even if nothing is going on she is still pushing you to the side and that's not right either.


:iagree:
It does sound at the very least like she is checking out of the marriage.


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## clam (Aug 7, 2012)

I know something is wrong but I don't know whether something is going on or not. She is distancing herself from me but I am not sure whether it is the school (which encourages the students to socialize and "network" constantly), or if it is my fault or hers. I guess I just don't know what my expectations should be from her in this situation.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## clam (Aug 7, 2012)

tom67 said:


> :iagree:
> It does sound at the very least like she is checking out of the marriage.


I agree that she is checking out and I'm not really sure what to do. I know she still loves me but i have gone through some tough times lately and I think she has lost respect for me. I am getting myself back together now but I fear it may be too late.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

It doesn't matter what's going on in your lives,you both should still make every effort to meet each the needs of the other person as you did before marriage. 

For some reason she is placing her social life and networking at a higher value than her husband.You need to figure out why.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

clam said:


> I know something is wrong but I don't know whether something is going on or not. She is distancing herself from me but I am not sure whether it is the school (which encourages the students to socialize and "network" constantly), or if it is my fault or hers. I guess I just don't know what my expectations should be from her in this situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You may have to ask her if she still wants to be married or not but more importantly what do you want.
You can't control her but you can control what you will put up with.


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## clam (Aug 7, 2012)

tom67 said:


> You may have to ask her if she still wants to be married or not but more importantly what do you want.
> You can't control her but you can control what you will put up with.


I have asked her this a number of times and she basically says she thinks she does but that she needs to figure out the reason that she is acting this way and not prioritizing our marriage. She says she doesn't understand if I it is something I am doing or not doing, something that is happening or whether she is just ****ed up.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I think there is someone else.
Put a var in her car and/or a pen var in her purse if you want to find out what you are up against.
With the answer she gave you she is stringing you along.


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## MaBi123 (Nov 28, 2013)

I don't know if I'm a big fan of ultimatums, but you could give her one: Africa trip or our marriage.

Africa will be there in a few years, but the marriage may not be if she doesn't work on it NOW.


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## clam (Aug 7, 2012)

I really don't think there is something else she is seeing, she has been pretty honest and truthful about where and what she has been doing. 

I thought about an ultimatum and I think at this point I know what the answer would be - we would be splitting up. I don't know if it is the right thing to do.


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## MaBi123 (Nov 28, 2013)

clam said:


> I really don't think there is something else she is seeing, she has been pretty honest and truthful about where and what she has been doing.
> 
> I thought about an ultimatum and I think at this point I know what the answer would be - we would be splitting up. I don't know if it is the right thing to do.


That's tough, I'm sorry.

However, in the long run, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't really care about the vows they made to you?

Only you can answer that, but it's something to think about.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

clam said:


> I really don't think there is something else she is seeing, she has been pretty honest and truthful about where and what she has been doing.
> 
> I thought about an ultimatum and I think at this point I know what the answer would be - we would be splitting up. I don't know if it is the right thing to do.


Well then you have your answer.
Why would you you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
Think about it that's all.


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## MaBi123 (Nov 28, 2013)

tom67 said:


> Well then you have your answer.
> Why would you you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
> Think about it that's all.


we said the same thing at the same time


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

MaBi123 said:


> we said the same thing at the same time


Weird isn't it.


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## clam (Aug 7, 2012)

Yea and both of you make a really good point. I guess the reason is because I think that this is a lot due to the school environment, I know it isn't an excuse but I am not sure she would act this way if she weren't pretty much in a cult like program.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Clam either she wants to be married or she doesn't.

Living in limbo is no way to go through life. 

There is a good saying here...
In order to save the marriage you have to be willing to end it.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

clam said:


> I join in when I can and when she invites me, but she has been prioritizing hanging with her classmates more and more since school has begun. She also became really close to a male friend and has been spending a lot of time with him, though she claims never alone.
> 
> Essentially, *she came to me one day and said she was going to go to Africa for 10 days on a group trip with school (which has nothing do with her education - it is just a spring break trip) with about 35 other people in the spring. She didn't invite me initially, didn't really want to have any discussion about it; she just told me that was what she was doing. *I asked if partners were able to go and she told me that they could go if there were spots open but it was highly unlikely. She also told me she wouldn't want me to go if I were going to be the only spouse "tagging along."


Yeah, this is a problem. If she prioritizes everything over you and essentially told you she was going to Africa, no matter what you thought about it, then it's clear she is one of those "my way or the highway" people. 

And note: she didn't want you to go on that trip with her. 

You need to have a talk with her.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Why did she lose respect for you?

Will her education surpass yours in earning potential?

You haven't married long. Why would she want to take a vacation without you? I could see it if a couple had been together 20 years and each had some individual interest that they did not share.

You need to read about how to up your sex ranking in your wife's eyes. Be confident. Read about the 180. She is only being nice to you now so that you let her go on the trip IMO.

If she buys new cute panties for the trip, that's a bad sign.

Going to Africa is once a life time experience for many. You would think that she would want to share it. Is she going to one of countries famous for female sex tourism?

What do you mean by "cult like"? Is it an MBA?

I would simply 180 and file for divorce. You could arrange to have the divorce set up upon her return from Africa. Are both your names on the lease? Have your stuff gone. Do an inventory of your possessions.

By the way, if she loved you, she would be proud to have the only spouse along on the trip.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

LongWalk said:


> Why would she want to take a vacation without you?


Because she doesn't want to go with him. 

She sounds very immature and not ready for marriage.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> Yeah, this is a problem. If she prioritizes everything over you and essentially told you she was going to Africa, no matter what you thought about it, then it's clear she is one of those "my way or the highway" people.
> 
> And note: she didn't want you to go on that trip with her.
> 
> You need to have a talk with her.


Being married less than 2 years you 2 should be all over each other.
You need to find out what's going on.


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## clam (Aug 7, 2012)

She originally didn't want to go with me because she didn't think there would be slots for partners and also she didn't want me to be the only partner there. Turns out she was right and there are no slots.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

How old are you two?


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## sh987 (Oct 10, 2013)

clam said:


> She originally didn't want to go with me because she didn't think there would be slots for partners and also she didn't want me to be the only partner there. Turns out she was right and there are no slots.


Perfect. Then she doesn't go. Period.


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## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

Sounds like you've got a fox in the hen-house. Find out more about this 'best friend' guy.


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## clam (Aug 7, 2012)

Jellybeans said:


> How old are you two?


Both are 30.


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## lovelifeandwanttoenjoyit (Sep 14, 2013)

clam said:


> I really don't think there is something else she is seeing, she has been pretty honest and truthful about where and what she has been doing.
> 
> I thought about an ultimatum and I think at this point I know what the answer would be - we would be splitting up. I don't know if it is the right thing to do.


First, I'm sorry that you are going through this, I've being and still am at times in this situation when you don't know what to do and your feelings cloud your mind.

Second, I think you just answer your own question.......we just don't like the answer. If places the trip as her top priority then you know what you should do.

Wish you the best!


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

There should an empty slot because she shouldn't go. How much does it cost by the way.

Please take a look at my earlier questions.

Thirty, seriously?

Hope your thread is not related to Esco's.

_Posted via *Topify* using iPhone/iPad_


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## whathappenedtome (Nov 4, 2013)

My wife has gone on a few trips with her girlfriends, and I completely support it. She comes back energized and rested. It works out well for me.

However, it's a decision we mutually agreed to. Your wife is not respecting you or the marriage. I would tell her that if she goes to Africa despite your objections, you won't be waiting when she gets back.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

My wife was "flighty" like this from the beginning. I held my ground and said no, but she never changed and got worse until we separated. I'd say if she goes or not, you have some serious problems and you need to consider letting her go(divorce). She doesn't respect you and the check-back-in % of checked out spouses is very low. Don't have kids with this woman!


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Are you working and supporting her financially while she goes to school?
Get the vars today.
Have you checked her texts and phone records.


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## Sanity (Mar 7, 2011)

Clam,

Sorry to tell you this but your wife doesn't want to be married as married people don't behave this way. You need to simply decide if this is what you want and if you want to to be 2nd in her life. God help you if you have a child with her. Make an appointment with an attorney to get your affairs in order and tell her what she is facing. Somebody going on an African school trip without you? Seriously?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Sanity said:


> Clam,
> 
> Sorry to tell you this but your wife doesn't want to be married as married people don't behave this way. You need to simply decide if this is what you want and if you want to to be 2nd in her life. God help you if you have a child with her. Make an appointment with an attorney to get your affairs in order and tell her what she is facing. Somebody going on an African school trip without you? Seriously?


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

There is no way I would fund this trip.
Go see an attorney not even married 2 years d shouldn't be that complicated.
I think you will find her and the male "friend" are way more than that.
Take back control with your life with or without her.


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## See_Listen_Love (Jun 28, 2012)

clam said:


> I know something is wrong but I don't know whether something is going on or not. She is distancing herself from me but I am not sure whether it is the school (which encourages the students to socialize and "network" constantly), or if it is my fault or hers. I guess I just don't know what my expectations should be from her in this situation.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Your story is playing out so stereotype in even the first lines of your first message that I thought it's a made up story.

So....you read some other threads of likewise stories and you will see what is the danger in your situation. Or the reality even....

She is not that much into you anymore....

You have to decide if she is worth a fight or not. If you two were really in love you may try to get her back and see if she can love you. I get you both are young and naive on the issue of marriage, so maybe you married for all the wrong reasons. In that case, let her go, but not without giving a warning. Tell her if she goes on holiday, you have divorce papers for her when she comes back. Do not go on that trip, you will look very weak.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Look up the 180, and tell her simply that she's not acting like a person that wants to be married, so you're filing for divorce.

This isn't about Africa. Any ultimatum is a short term victory at best. You can't force her to respect marriage boundaries. She either makes you and the marriage important, or she doesn't. If she doesn't, then there is no marriage.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

Granting that there is no such thing as "normal", this does not sound like normal or healthy behavior while one spouse is in school.

I speak from experience. My wife is in professional school and we may go days at a time with only an hour with each other, and sometimes no time at all. However, my W always makes an effort to prioritize me and anytime she socializes with her friends outside of studying, she always invites me and is incredibly disappointed if I choose not to go. I've been in touch with quite a few other spouses of professional school students, and they say the same.

That is not what you're experiencing at all. What you're describing sounds like a woman who for whatever reason is not currently too interested in being married. Coming in and telling you that she's going to Africa without any discussion with you about how you felt, or even logistics such as cost and schedule, is very dismissive of you in specific and the marriage in general.

Tread very, very carefully going forward. I'd bet that your W already has another horse picked out. The wishy-washy behavior regarding your marriage is especially telling.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Two years married in your thirties she has just started back at school, you are into some rocky ground in your marriage, she has a "male friend", she planned a "spring break trip" where you were not invited, she is putting her social life with school friends above her marriage.

Ok, let me try and nail this for ya.

She wants to go back to school to better herself, but in going back to school she breaks out of the rut of normal married life and starts socializing with new blood, new blood and her being in her 30's without kids means double *****moans rushing as she is getting hot for it as subconsciously she needs to reproduce and young studes will get her wet, your rough patch is a result of her new realization that there are young hot guys who want to fcuk her brains out, new "male friend" wants to and most likely has(I am afraid to say) done her and she now holds no value to a marriage, the trip is a means of getting away for her alone time to fcuk as many new d!ck as she can and get ready to ditch you when she gets back if it goes to plan with getting the BBD whilst on spring break, social life above and beyond marriage is just re-prioritizing her schedule to make herself available for new c0cks.

Basically, she has now checked out of your marriage emotionally and is finding her way around without you, her spring break is a means of getting away to be "free", this freedom is her new ultimate goal.

Sorry pal, D.I.V.O.R.C.E should be getting your ducks in a row quick smart before she drops the bomb and actually tells you all the gory details of how good he tasted and how deep he went in her azz.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

clam said:


> I really don't think there is something else she is seeing, she has been pretty honest and truthful about where and what she has been doing.


Says every husband about to find out his wife's having an affair.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

She is missing out on the college life and she wants to be 10 years younger and have chances at a 10-year-younger dude.

Just tell her you're done, and if she doesn't give all this up, you'll understand but you'll be filing for separation.

And meanwhile put that VAR under her car seat.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

This is just plain bizarre. From about a year and a half ago. Right after they were married:




clam said:


> I was barely able to leave the office and when I did, I was too depressed to really make it out to socialize. Thus, my wife started hanging out with this new girlfriend and her boyfriend a lot. She had told me they usually hung out with this other friend, a single guy, and he was around a lot. I had met them all once or twice but did not get the opportunity to hang out with them a lot.
> 
> At first everything was fine, i understood she needed to socialize and was fine with her hanging out with these people. Then progressively she started withdrawing from my emotionally and was out a lot more of the time. She would stay out late, party, etc. with these people and I would be in the office or home. I started getting curious and asking her about things and at first she got very defensive, saying that I was trying to control her. I let her know that I was fine with everything but didn't think she should be hanging out with the single guy alone in weird situations.
> 
> Everything seemed OK, I got less depressed and began to socialize more with these people and others. Then about two weeks before our wedding, when I was out of town, *she went on a trip with 5 other people (the girl, her boyfriend, one other couple I didnt know and the single guy. Basically what happened was she had told me she was invited before and I said I didnt think it was cool if she were going on a trip with just 2 other couples, her and some single guy but it would be fine if other single people were there.* She got into this huge fight with me but then I think she realized I was right. After that, her friend called me when I was out of town and made some story up about other people going, not just the 6.


Same thing. Hanging out with a new group of friends more than hubby. Problems with traveling without him. Is this the same boyfriend? I was going to post something about this not being about the traveling, but it is EVERYTHING about her traveling. Right down to the travel related theme of your wedding. Is there some kind of vacation fetish I've never heard about?

Just leave, dude. Did she EVER want it to be just you and her together? Seems like she likes other people a lot more than you. Always did.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Do you make a lot more money than her? Maybe you're just her paycheck. Lots of women still just marry for the money.


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## Davelli0331 (Apr 29, 2011)

TBH I wouldn't even bother with a VAR at this point unless the OP just has to know if she's cheating or not. I know that goes against TAM groupthink, and yeah, some people need that knowledge to summon the resolution to file, but even if OP's W isn't cheating she doesn't sound like marriage material at this point in her life.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I would just file.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

I'm with tom, putting the past and present together I bet you have a serial cheater on your hands. GTFO!


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

This one's really simple. File for divorce. It's not normal for a wife, especially a wife who's been married less than two years, to not want her husband along on a big, fun trip with a bunch of her friends. Obviously, there's a male friend, who's more than a friend, who's going to be going on this trip with her. Why else would she not want her husband to go with her?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

whathappenedtome said:


> My wife has gone on a few trips with her girlfriends, and I completely support it. She comes back energized and rested. It works out well for me.


Sometimes my wife travels almost twice per year with her girlfriends and I'm not with them. This is something we've agreed to before, but I'm ALWAYS invited. 

She always invite me.

The fact that he was NOT really invited speaks volumes.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

clam said:


> I thought about an ultimatum and I think at this point I know what the answer would be - we would be splitting up. I don't know if it is the right thing to do.


There's your answer then. 

You don't have to put it to her as an ultimatum necessarily. You can make a decision for yourself that you just won't tolerate this treatment from your wife. That is more than reasonable - it doesn't have to be a "me or the trip" conversation.

If you put it to her as "I feel like we're drifting apart. I think we should take some time apart to decide if we want to stay married". 

Re trips without your spouse, those things should always be negotiated between the two of you...I can't imagine many people being happy with os trip without them though, it's not like a weekend camping trip!

Married couples shouldn't "tell" the other what's going to happen, they should discuss and negotiate these things.


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

Wow. I haven't read through all the comments but there is no way 35 young people in a mixed gender group goes to Africa on a spring break trip without a lot of hooking up going on. 

Her not inviting you is a bad sign. I think back to when I was at the same place in my marriage as you ... and if I had the opportunity to go to Africa for "spring break", my wife would have been the first person I'd want to go with me. The only reason I wouldn't is if in the back of mind, I didn't want to be held accountable by her ... with the most obvious motive being that I was looking forward to the possibility of doing something she might not approve of.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

tom67 said:


> I would just file.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I would would quitly investigate first. I would spy on my wife and make sure my actions forward were based on fact and not what she tells me or what I feel.

You know damb well something is wrong and you would find out what.

Sir this very well could be cult related as you mentioned so get the proof by planting a recorders and looking at call logs and bank statements.

Who knows what you will find out, but at least you will know for fact if you are dealing with a wife that has a drug problem..maybe pills...or even a piticular toxic friend that is against the marriage...hell maybe it is a cult....

The bottom line is knowledge is power and you must find out what you are up against so you can take measure based on actual fects so as to protect your self from the emotional torture that you are going thru.

So please go stealth and do the investigation into your wife and find out what is really going on so you can take the right steps to fight for your marriage.

If in fact your suspision durns out to be fact and the school is cult influenced then you will have the proof to confront your wife with actual facts and not just what you think.


So again please please please set up the recorders and look at call logs and cc statements. Also look into her social network sites and if you can look at her emails and cell phone when she is a sleep.

Like you said earlier, she is not the same women you married and you must find out why.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

This is not a marriage.

Who is paying for her education?

Look at it this way... Is she "in" her marriage? Is she "moving toward" her marriage or "moving away" from her marriage? She is "moving away"... And you are grasping at the back of her shirt trying to pull her back in. That makes you look weak and boring and needy compared to all these new friends she is socializing with.

To get her back you have to stop grasping at her shirt in desperation. You have to let her go, tell her this is not a marraige and that you will be making it official... And tell her the door is open to come back in if she chooses that...


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## BradWesley (May 24, 2013)

LongWalk said:


> There should an empty slot because she shouldn't go. How much does it cost by the way.
> 
> Please take a look at my earlier questions.
> 
> ...


Yep, I have a gut feeling that this is Esco 2.0


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

clam said:


> I have asked her this a number of times and she basically says she thinks she does but that she needs to figure out the reason that she is acting this way and not prioritizing our marriage. She says she doesn't understand if I it is something I am doing or not doing, something that is happening or whether she is just ****ed up.


 Pay attention to what she is saying. When asked if she still wants to remain your wife, saying that "she thinks she does" is not a yes. If she wanted to still be married to you she would be sure. Anything other than a clear yes to this question is not acceptable and may as well be a no. Marriage is by definition a commitment to prioritize your spouse above all others, and this is even stated in your vows. Since she admits that she does not want to prioritize you above all others, she is in fact saying that she does not want to be married to you. If you really think about what she is saying, you will see that she has answered your marriage question with a no.

It does not matter why or who is at fault. What matters is that she has checked out of this marriage and no longer has you in her plans. She does not want to go on a trip with you, so she made plans that did not include you. She does not want to spend time with you, so she makes plans where she spends more awake time with her male friend than she does with you. If this male friend wanted to go on the trip and you did not object, she would have no issue with him going and with him spending time with her on this trip; I would not be surprised if you later learned that he was going.

I am guessing that you are nothing more than a meal ticket for a 30 year old woman that wants your financial assistance in her quest to go back to school. You are being used pure and simple. Either she commits to your full bore, which includes her not going on this trip, or you need to file for divorce and find someone that wants you as a priority in their life. Their is a woman out there that would be thanking God everyday for allowing them to find you in their life. Everyday that you waste with someone that does not feel that way about you is a day that you will not get back.

News flash: for a variety of reasons, men in their 20s are at a dating disadvantage to women in their 20s; this dating advantage goes away when both are in their 30s, and flips to a male dating advantage when both are over 40. Bottom line, you have more options than every before, and as a male your options are only getting better.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

She is already checked out on you and your marriage after only 2 years. You said she is 30 ? Sounds like she wants to be a college party girl again, and you are just baggage in her way of that.

The odds that this "male friend" is already tapping your wife is probably about 99%.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Sounds to me like she is done with the marriage.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

the guy said:


> I would would quitly investigate first. I would spy on my wife and make sure my actions forward were based on fact and not what she tells me or what I feel.
> 
> You know damb well something is wrong and you would find out what.
> ....


That's a complete waste of time....just file for divorce.

She's not into him, doesn't want to be married to him, doesn't want to vacation with him, hanging out with other dudes, repeat offender, blames him for being controlling, etc. Nothing good or normal about this situation.

I wouldn't waste another minute...don't wait till she gets back from Africa, file now (don't pay for her trip either), pack up her chit while she's at school and send it to her parents house, change the locks...tell her she doesn't have to worry about what you think any more because you won't be trying to control her, you're letting her go.

Bye-bye.

Should never have married this chick; shoulda' known that since she was pulling the same crap before you were married. People don't change, doesn't matter how much you want them to. She's shown you who she is....she's NOT wife material.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

OP hasn't posted in two days now.


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## badcompany (Aug 4, 2010)

tulsy said:


> That's a complete waste of time....just file for divorce.
> 
> She's not into him, doesn't want to be married to him, doesn't want to vacation with him, hanging out with other dudes, repeat offender, blames him for being controlling, etc. Nothing good or normal about this situation.
> 
> ...


I have to totally agree. This is playing out awful similar to my marriage. Even if it's just EA's or poor boundaries she's not into you nor does she respect you. The good news is, you are only two years into the marriage and don't have kids. Let her go.


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