# Wife Making Me Feel Bad



## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

Lately my wife has been saying things about helping my son out that is making me feel bad. Example today I was talking about the possibility of buying another home to flip like I did in the past. We could use the extra money and I enjoy working on them.

She gets upset and tells me if I want something to do that I should go help my son fix his house up. He bought a starter home a couple a years ago and isn't really worth putting money into. He just needs to do a few cosmetic things to it such as painting etc. Then he is either going to sell it or rent, then buy him something nicer.

The thing is he isn't very motivated and my wife thinks he needs help. I wouldn't have a problem helping him and I have offered my help, but he isn't sure what he wants to do yet.

My wife hasn't let up on me about it and making me feel like I am a bad father. I finally got so upset today because she would not stop and I told her that if anyone should feel bad, it should be her for cheating on me in the past. It was the only thing I could think of to get her to realize how she was making me feel, and get her to shut up.

Am I wrong for thinking she is accusing me of something that is not my feelings?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Your wife cannot make you feel bad. You choose to feel bad.

Sure you might have an initial reaction to her telling you to go help your son. But as an adult human you have the choice in how you respond after that initial reaction. 

Let's see, you could have told her that you are talking to your son about what help he needs. But you can also work on a property of your own. In fact, you and your son can work on both projects together.

How long ago did she cheat? What did the two of you do to recover your marriage?

Using her cheating as the ultimate trump card is not a good idea.


.


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## SlowlyGoingCrazy (Jun 2, 2011)

I did a quick glance at previous threads, her affair was 7 years ago? You don't get to bring it up anymore IMO and this situation has nothing to do with that.

I don't see her words suggesting you are a bad father or something that would make a person feel bad with just what I read from this post. Just simply say "I've offered to help, once he knows what he plans to do I can do more"


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## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

Yeah it makes me feel bad that she thinks that of me. No one wants to be told buy someone close that they don't care about there child, or want to help them. I have went over all the things you mention several times.


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## nxs450 (Apr 17, 2012)

boltam said:


> That's really low to bring up the cheating as some sort of retribution because she's annoying you.
> 
> Tell her you got her point but you don't agree and you'd like to drop it because there's nothing further to discuss in the matter and just lave it at that.
> 
> You getting all upset and pissed off over it is your problem, not hers.


This has been happening for over a year now. For some reason she acts like I can't stand my son or something. It's like she doesn't believe anything I tell her about what goes on between us. And she will not drop it, she is the type of person that will follow me around when I leave the room.
I'm not pissed off about it. It hurts me that she would think that of me and I am tired of it. That is why I said what I did. I also left to go to the store afterwards and when I got back she has been nice as she can be all night. 
I don't think what I did was any lower then what she was doing to me and it seemed to make her realize what it was doing.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Could she be trying to guilt you out of the house for some alone time? 

Ask son if he needs help or guidance. Maybe she think son is afraid or ashamed to ask for help. Once you sincerely offer your help, you can rest easily that her complains are unfounded.

So many times, wives complain about husband when something is up. Eases guilt, if she can argue that your not worth being loyal to. Not saying that's what's going on here but always be vigilant.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

The time frame doesn't matter about the affair, the situation does. No, you don't bring up her affair in this situation, it was low. 

Respecting your son's wishes is cool. He's an adult, she doesn't get to dictate what he does or how you do or do not help him. Unless, of course, he lives at home. Saying you are a bad parent is lower than what you did in my book. Still, you rise above it and don't go for the "you hurt me, now I hurt you" garbage.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

Why couldn't you just tell her, "I talked to 'son' about helping out with his fixer up house and he said he did not want my help", then leave it at that and move on. If she asks you again about helping him with his house, answer with the same answer. She won't keep asking when the answer is always the same. 

It was extremely low of you to bring up an affair from 7 years ago that had absolutely nothing to do with this situation.


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