# Hello Everyone



## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

I'm a long time lurker who just registered, and I would like to share my experience of going through my second seperation with my wife of five years. 

It's been a week now, and I feel like I have nothing left in the tank at all. We have two beautiful children, a daughter of ten (well, biologically she isn't mine, but my daughter in every other sense and I'm the only real Daddy she'll ever know) and a four year old son.

Things haven't been great for a couple of years, but not really bad either. We had our first seperation on New Years Day when we had a fight about her coming home drunk off her arse and falling asleep in the bathroom. She gave me the dreaded "I love you; just not in love with you" speech, which seems to be a particular favourite of those with a vindictive disposition. 

That lasted for three weeks or so, then she took me back in. She wasn't ready to take me back really, and over the coming months just carried on as she was, but helpfully supplied me with a list of things about me which continually frustrate and disappoint her. 

I did everything I could to please her. But no matter what I did it was never good enough. There was always something wrong with what I did. I tried to be what she wanted and it was starting to make me buckle badly under the strain. It was constantly playing on my mind. 

After weeks of gradual hostility from her, I finally asked her what was wrong, and got something along the lines of "I'm not happy, and haven't been for two years. I don't see you as an equal anymore, and don't see you as my husband. You're more like a mate or my brother. Sex feels wrong with you, affection feels wrong with you. You're a brilliant Father and a loving husband, but I'm just not happy." 

I've supported her for years, brought up her daughter and loved her like my own, supported her career choices at the expense of my own, sat in night after night looking after my children for years whilst she was out either with her job, or socialising, or out drinking, or visiting family or whatever, loved her, worshipped her, tried my best for her, and it just wasn't good enough in the end. 

I feel like a complete shadow of myself. After years of trying to do nothing but please her I don't even know who I am without her. I don't know how to be anything other than a husband and a Father, and now it's all gone away. I have complete access to my children I should point out, but not seeing them everyday, not being around them all the time is killing me. I miss them both so much I can hardly breathe thinking about them. 

I don't know what I think about my wife. I don't know how I feel about anything because I just feel dead inside. After years of living with what people have told me was emotional abuse, I still love her I think. I'm all confused and can't make sense out of anything. I don't know what to think. I can't stop thinking about any of this. 

And the pain. The overwhelming pain that grips you inside, and it's very every second of every day, from when I get up in the morning, until I finally exhaust myself from thinking and hurting and crying and shaking, only to get up and have to go through it all again the next day, and the next, and the next.....

I don't know what is going to happen. I asked her if she wanted a divorce, and she said "eventually, perhaps, but not at the minute. I just need space and time to find out who I am and what I want". There is no-one else involved (apparently), and she won't rule out getting back together either. I just don't know. 

All I know is this pain that is gripping me in my guts, and nothing I can do or think about can make it go away. I am terrified I am going to have to cope with this feeling for the rest of my life. I feel alone, and so, so scared about the future. I don't know if I can face it. I don't know if this pain will ever go away, or if I'll ever be happy again.


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

Hi Count,

I feel the need to comment on your situation, because it sounds a lot like mine, only I was the one in your wife's shoes, the emotional abuser. A lot of the things she has said to you over the years I have said to my own husband, and I'm not proud of it.
It took him leaving me to realize that sh*t in my life needed to change. For me, I wasn't happy with me, so I took it out on my husband. He was my emotional punching bag for years and he had finally had it.

It does take 2 to make a marriage work, and you play your part in it as well. However, I don't think it is necessarily 50/50.

I am sorry you are in so much pain, I completely understand how you feel. The pain is almost unbearable at times. There have been times during this separation where I have felt I had lost my will to live, but I would never do anything because I have 2 kids that I have to think about.

Are you in counseling? If not, I would suggest that you go.
I have been going for almost 8 months now and I have evolved into a completely different woman. Unfortunately, you only have control over you and your actions and choices, and you cannot control whether or not your wife wants to work on the marriage or not.
If she needs space, give it to her. As hard as it is, do it.
Take this time to work on you. You have been beaten down emotionally and if I had to guess I would say your self esteem is probably in the toilet right now. You need to know that the issue is HER issue, and not yours. 

Your wife has some things she needs to fix in her life as well, but she needs to find that out herself. I know it's tough and I know it's hard, but take one day at a time. You are not alone in this.


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## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

Thank you Madam. I knew I should have married an American girl instead of an English one 

My self esteem is not so much in the toilet, but rushing out of the pipe and mingling with all the crap festering in the sewer. 

My wife has had some seriously bad experiences (hard drugs at a young age, got into prostitution as a result), so she's very emotionally hard in one way, but very emotionally fragile in so many others. 

She's putting on a massive show of being alright at the minute. She's throwing a massive party at our house in a couple of weeks, organising girly nights, making a point of taking her ring off and telling me, then annoucing to all the world she is a single woman via that website of venom known as Facebook. As tactless and crass a number to pull as anything I could imagine. She's chatty and alright with me on the phone when we do speak, but the two occassions I've seen her in person she can barely acknowledge my exsistence. 

My mother in law is adamant we will get back together as she knows my wife has been crying her eyes out when I've not been there. As well she should in my opinion. 

I've stuck by through all of her emotional crap over the years. It feels to me like we've come such a long way since I met her living in a tiny house with just her and her daughter, to where she is now in a well paid job, with two beautiful and very well adjusted children, a dream house where we moved into with her parents so she could have them with her.....and now she has all that my commercial value (if you will) is no longer of any further use to her. She's sorted now, so goodbye Count.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

I too can relate to your situation as my situation mirrors that of DG's. I was the emotional abuser and my husband took it for 28 years (23 of marriage) and finally had had enough. Although he checked out of the marriage months ago, he finally left at the end of July. Since he told me back on June 20th that he wanted a divorce I walked around like a zombie. My limbs felt heavy, my stomach sick all the time and I could hardly focus at work. It does get better, I am here to tell you. Although I'm also a depressive and have been on meds for 20 years, I just recently was had some changes to my regimine so I think that has helped some, but time is the real healer. It doesn't go away over night, I'll tell you that, but it does get better. All you can do is take care of yourself and your kids when you have them. She needs to work on whats wrong in her life. Try to find some things to keep your mind occupied even if it's small, busy work around the house; read, go for a walk, go to the store or window shop. For me, I've been painting the rooms of my house. I started with my bedroom and bath and have moved downstairs or I'll go outside and pull weeds or something. Most of the time all I want to do is sit on the couch and vegitate, but that's not helpful. Come back here often as there is lots of support.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Count, you realize that everything here points to her cheating, including the gas lighting and making you jump through hoops. 

It sounds like you've put her on a pedestal and acted like a complete door mat while she goes out drinks, and well frankly it sounds like has affairs.

Why are you the one to leave the house when she's carry on like this? shouldn't she go?


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## DelinquentGurl (Mar 25, 2011)

It sounds to me like your wife has a lot of emotional scars left from her childhood and young adult life that she is trying to ignore. That is just my opinion, of course.

I hate Facebook. I am on it, but I hate it. Some of the things people post are just down right mean. Flaunting it in your face like that is rude. I would de friend her and block her page also.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NotaGoodSlave (Jul 29, 2011)

You need to wake up and seek competent legal advice immediately in regard to this situation. Leaving your home was a huge mistake - it could be presented as abandoment to the court by her future divorce attorney. No attorney would have advised you to do this.

Lets cut through all of the touchy / feely BS - Your wife is an emotional sadist. She enjoys inflicting emotional pain upon you.
1. "I love you; just not in love with you".
2. " I don't see you as an equal anymore, and don't see you as my husband."
3. "Sex feels wrong with you, affection feels wrong with you."

All of these statements by her, and many others, have one goal - to inflict emotional pain on you. She enjoys hurting you, she enjoys the drama and the conflict, she enjoys you acting as her emotional tampon and she feeds off of your pain while it slowly drains and destroys you. 

Yet you sit there and take it. Why? What is there to love about this women? You love what you want her to be - not what she actually is.

Please get yourself out of this marriage regardless of the financial cost - the alternative is worse.


Leykis Rules for Dating for Men:
Read Rule #3 Below

1:Spending Limits 
Never spend more then $40 on a date. In fact she should be the one paying for the date. 

Especially if you have to go on several dates before reaching your goal, this can make the girls very expensive. How do you do this? There's several ways to cut costs. If you are going out to dinner, eat first. Then at dinner, just order a salad or bowl of soup. What girl is going to eat more than the guy, especially if it's the first dates? Does she want to look like a little piggy in front of him? 

Another way is to steal the dinner. When you're asking her out, say something like "Well, what time are you eating dinner?" She might think you're asking her to dinner--but no. When she gives an answer, like "Oh, I was thinking about 7:30," you make your move. Say, "Ok, and about an hour and a half to eat, I'll pick you up at 9 and we can get some drinks?" You've done it. She'll probably look dumbfounded for a second, or think that you are a little "dense," but you have just won. That's an entire dinner you don't have to pay for. The money can be better spent on getting her liquored up and getting her back to her place for some fun. 

2:3 Date Rule 
This one can be the hardest to follow, but abide by it. Girls know within the first 5 minutes how far they will go with you, and will probably do so at the earliest possible time. If you've been crossed off the "I'll sleep with him" list, it's very, very difficult and time consuming to get back on it. 

Your time is better spent chasing new prospects. If you're on the list, however, you can screw it up by being a jackass. If nothing's happened in 3 dates, it's time to move on. You'll never sleep with her. The only time you should see her again is if there is guaranteed sex. Continuing to persue her will just cost you more money and waste more of your time. 

3:Single Mothers 
Why? You already know their stance on abortion: they won't have one. Don't risk paying vaginamony or child support. Her kids will always be #1 in her life, and do you really want to be second-place in a relationship? I didn't think so. Why support another man's mistake? How do you know she's not looking for a support figure? Or someone to support her financially? Think of all that, and realize that the odds are stacked against you. She's already had one mistake. She won't go for the Hail Mary (more on that below). The last guy didn't stick around. Why should you? 

This isn't to say that some of them aren't very nice, have been screwed over by ex-husbands, or would be very great mates. But if you're just looking to get laid, they are a definite off-limits. More than likely, you're hooking up with a girl who wants another try at something she messed up the first time. With the hostility of today's legal system towards men, you just don't want to take the chance. 

4:Tabasco Rule 
Use a condom everytime during sex and when you're done, dispose of it good. Flush it down the toilet. If that's not possible, try to carry some really, really hot sauce with you. Habanero or something. Put some inside the used condom. There are several cases where girls have taken the contents of the condom and inserted them into herself, in an attempt to get pregnant. Why? Child support and she's set. Especially if you have money. Do not just leave it lying around. If you use the hot sauce method, and you hear her scream, take your stuff and RUN. If you're the risky type, stick around and sue her for attempted extortion. The pain will ensure she won't be able to get pregnant for a little while (her area is very sensitive to changes like that). Oh, and it will avoid STD's 

5ating Co-workers 
Dipping your friend in the company ink is a strict no-no. In fact, you should not engage in any conversation with a woman at work unless it directly relates to work. Do not compliment them. Do not ask them out to dinner. Your conversation outside of work should be limited to Good (Night/Afternoon/Evening). If you go beyond this, you're a lawsuit waiting to happen. If you do date a coworker and you break up, things can get tense around the office (especially if it was a nasty breakup). She can sabotage your career or, worse, file lawsuits claiming sexual harassment. At the minimum, you will have to see her every day, and maybe collaborate with her frequently. It's just not worth it. 

The courts are very hostile towards men in this regard as well, so just play it safe. If women want to be engaged in normal conversation, they can lobby the courts to be more lenient first. We're not going to risk our future to try to get a date with someone who, for all we know, is waiting for a guy to say "nice skirt" so she can claim sexual harassment and settle for a large sum of money. The only time you should date a co-worker is if you don't care about your job. 

If you feel that you have been sexually harassed then report it! If do not report it then it means that it is acceptable for a women to sexually harass men. 

6:Women In Groups 
Girls travel in packs when they're not looking to hook up. It lets the not-so-hot girls get as much attention as the real babes in the group. It's almost impossible to get one alone, much less take one home. Most likely, if you approach a girl in a pack, one will act as a "blocker," stalling you from your real girl. Chances are, when women are in a group, that someone is sober enough to tell her know, and insist that she go home with them. Just don't pay them any attention. Don't buy them drinks. Take a number, maybe, but don't pursue them. 

7:Sex to Go 
No spooning. No cuddling. No staying over. In and Out. This might be hard, might be easy, but if you do these things you're sending her a very clear message: you're interested in a serious relationship. That's the only time these kind of actions are appropriate. 

8:Relationships and Long-Term Commitments 
The general rule is, don't have a serious long-term relationship until you're 25. If you're in a committed relationship, it says you're ready to settle down. Get everything out of your system first. The three-ways, the one-night-stands, the fetish girls, the fantasies. Wait until you're in the 30's before you marry. Since you should have a well-established career by then, you'll be able to have a steady marriage and kids, if you choose to have them, will be in a steady, well-supported household. Remember, once kids are involved, there is no such thing as separation. She will always be involved. Even if you leave she can make you pay child support. Make sure you are ready to have kids and make sure both of you agree on it. 

If you're under 25, you should not have a girlfriend. You should be having fun and sleeping with as many people as possible. Some men do mature at different rates. If you're ready for marriage or kids, go for it. Just remember that over 51% of marriages fail. You had better be damn sure of it, or you will be paying for it the rest of your life. Marriages where both parties are older than 25 have a much, much higher success rate. Children raised in solid households are much less likely to be social delinquents. Think about that. 

9:Weekend Dating 
Do you want to look like a loser who has nothing better to do on weekends than wait for her to call? You should not answer calls from potential booty calls is Thursday-Sunday, unless it is guaranteed poon. You have to make the girl believe that she has competition. That your time is valuable. That you have better things to do on weekends than spend time with her. Are you with another girl? Are you in the bars? Important meeting? Keep her guessing. It will intrigue her. And a basic rule of humanity: we want what we can't have. If you make her believe she can't have you, she'll be that much easier to bag when you "let her in." Even if you have nothing to do, let her leave a voice mail. You're busy (banging other chicks, for all she knows). Call her back on Monday night. If you do call, never leave a voicemail: she'll be wondering what you wanted and if you made other plans. 

10:Cell Phones and Dating 
If a girl answers a cell-phone call in the middle of dinner, get up and leave. Why? The person on the other end is the guy she's going to have sex with when she finally gets rid of you. If she says it's her kids, you're already violating the no-single-mothers rule. Her work? It's a date and it's late, if her work is more important than you now, it will always be more important. If she says its her friends, all her friends know she's out. That's just how women work. She can just turn the phone off and wait to gossip until the date is over.


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## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

Shaggy said:


> Count, you realize that everything here points to her cheating, including the gas lighting and making you jump through hoops.
> 
> It sounds like you've put her on a pedestal and acted like a complete door mat while she goes out drinks, and well frankly it sounds like has affairs.
> 
> Why are you the one to leave the house when she's carry on like this? shouldn't she go?


I left because it's a rented house with the bills split between me and her, and her parents. I could hardly kick them all out. 

Mainly it's for the children though. They have their grandparents around them as well as their Mother, so it's more stability for them. She is a good Mother to be fair to her. She never keeps still though, never happy with what she's got, always wanting more, all the time. 

I want to try and keep things as amicable as possible for the childrens sake. I don't want us to tend up as some parents going through this do, where you barely speak and mess up the childrens heads with constant arguing and all the rest of that bitter behaviour. It isn't in my character to behave like that anyway. 

I'm trying to behave with as much dignity as possible. I only text her when she texts me first. I only phone the house to speak to the kids when I haven't got them with me, just to say goodnight and to tell them I love them and are thinking about them. I make no effort to speak to my wife at the minute, and have no desire to speak to her the way I feel at the minute. 

I have a very good relationship with her parents though. They both appreciate the sort of husband and Father I've been over the years. In some respects I'm quite sure my wife does as well. I don't understand why she's so off with me in person though. This is what she wanted after all. I haven't broken down in front of her, made unreasonable demands, acted like a tool or anything of the sort. It's like she's trying her best to hate me. I think she wants me to break down in front of her, and beg her and plead with her. And part of me really wants to, but I know full well that is the single worst thing you can do, whether we're going to get back together or not. 

I too have depression. Have had it for years, but only got diagnosed last year. It was when my depression was getting unmanagable that the cracks started to appear. She had a weekend job doing kareoke in a local pub, and every week she'd go out, not coming back until anywhere between 2am to 4am, sometimes in some right states. I of course would be at home with the children, trying to work out why I was feeling the way I was, and all I got off her was criticism because I "wasn't doing anything but vegetating". 

I tried to snap out of it, but I was too anxious about the way our relationship was going by this point to actually focus on looking after myself properly. 

I tried to fit in with her friends and be a part of her social life only to be met with "well, they're my friends, not yours really...", and was constantly made to feel like I didn't fit in with this part of her world, and started to feel like she was ashamed of me in some way. Like I wasn't good enough to be her husband, and people couldn't work out what she saw in me. Whenever I mentioned this, she just dismissed it as some form of weakness on my part and saw it as her having to pander to me in some way. 

She has done everything she can to break my heart and make me feel absolutely worthless, and yet I still want her back. The pain of it is ripping me apart.


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## manofhurt (Aug 12, 2011)

Count,,, man I feel your pain, sound like my first wife, she stayed out with freinds , drinking and I watched the kids, then I found her, and my so called best freind, 
LOOK Count, you are doing a good job, better than a lot of guys would, those kids need you, and you need thos kids, , do you have a church to go to? That helped me and is helping me, and I know that feeling, I have it today and its been 12 days, seems like months, yea that feeling in your gut hurts, it seems empty, you are hurtting and sad, and angry, ALL THE ABOVE hang in there you want to send me a privat note do so we will talk, good luck we need it


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

I think your wife, like many in our culture, has bought into the idea that love is an entity and when it is gone you are powerless to get it back. Love is a verb, first and foremost. When you feel like you don't love your spouse, start loving them. We use a single word for "love" but it is multifaceted and there are many kinds of love. A mother loves her child but does she ever "not love them anymore?" No. It's a different kind of love. And our love for our spouse must be multifaceted in order to carry one. When we "fall out of love" what we are really saying is, "I feel like I've exhausted everything from you I can get emotionally." That is a selfish love and not necessarily a wrong love. It's part of who we are. We love someone because of how they make us feel. It's natural and necessary. But if your love for someone stops there then when you exhaust that supply of pleasure, your love is gone. You have to have something much deeper. A love that is selfless. It's the love that will pull all of these together. When something is wavering, it will stay true. How do people stay married for 50 years? It's not because of the superficial love it's because they have this deeper love for one another. The selfish love will come and go. And it needs to be nurtured because we need that attraction but if we don't have something more we'll "fall out of love" and start looking for more pleasure.


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## The Count (Aug 14, 2011)

Thanks for your replies everyone. I do appreciate you all taking the time to respond. 

I felt a bit stronger this morning, went to work, though with a very heavy heart. She phoned me up to see if I could have the children tomorrow as they've been missing me. No problem there of course, I'd love to see them whenever I can. 

Looks like for the time being I'm going to be stopping over the dream house every other weekend when she's working (she does shift work at nights), as it's an ideal time for me to spend an extended period with my children, and also my live in Mother in Law simply cannot cope all weekend with two children who run riot. She has a chronic bad back you see. My Wife seems to be going the same way, and has been suffering arthritic like symptoms and chronic back pains for the last two years. 

Last time I saw her I asked her Mother how she was doing, which I got pulled up on over the phone "you can't make my Mum feel like she's in the middle, anyway I'm absolutely fine". Nice one. Write off seven years with a click of your fingers and not one jot of remorse about it? I don't know whether to believe that. 

I'd probably get angry if I wasn't so numb. It's one thing to get what you want, I've agreed to give her space, I haven't demanded anything unreasonable, I'm determined to be civil, so this passive aggressive hostility I just do not understand. Does she actually hate me? 

I don't know what to think about it at all.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Count... I totally relate to you and my W to yours. Your story exactly describes mine. I was literally in your spot for a few weeks after she decided to tell me she wanted a divorce, ILYBINILWY, telling her friends she is better than me and deserves happiness, checked out 2 years before etc. I went into survival mode and started busting my @ss getting doing all the stuff she was complaining about... we even tried to have a date but it failed before it even started. After a little bit though realized this didn't make sense, there had to be something else, so I dug and of course I found the evidence of her affairs. I felt (still can't shake it) SO STUPID and REJECTED, it is brutally tough, especially now that she is having such a great life partying, dating, going to concerts telling her friends how much happier she is now... And I am left behind picking up the pieces.

It is getting better though... for me I've almost completely let go, I decided she was really the weak one, I already realize I'm better off without the parasitic nature of our relationship since she "checked out". I was putting all my energy in and she was just taking. So now I've stopped the outflow and get to use all my energy for myself, and it is beginning to slowly recharge even. It is frustrating that it takes so much effort and time to make my life what I want again, especially when I see her living it up, but I realize she is going on stolen promises and what I have is real and what I've made of it. Good luck friend it will get better. Spend some time on these forums, man up, do the 180! You are in good company here.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

hey Count,
Sorry you are here. I heard the exact same phrases one night, only to eventually find my stbxw was involved with someone else.
Your wife sounds a lot like mine. Issues early on that didnt allow her to mature emotionally. The passive aggressiveness is simply a means to feign control, at least within her own mind. Even if she is completely out of control. 
I sympathize completely with you in regards to the pain, the hurt, the inability to make sense of it all. I too have a child involved, and its more difficult when their lives are affected by all this.

Keep in mind that what you are feeling is normal, and will fluctuate.
Watching all of this happen to me too, my divorce date is 2 and a half weeks away. I dont know how, or from what, but some days are "okay". Some days I no longer sit in complete anguish about it all. I had to make sure that I reminded myself that it was okay to feel better. Give yourself permission to hurt about it, but also to look into the future and see hope for a better life for yourself and your kids. 
Dont let your wife's nonchalance make you think she has any grip at all on the situation. Its fake, and its a defense mechanism. 
I wish you a much better future.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Lon said:


> It is getting better though... for me I've almost completely let go, I decided she was really the weak one, I already realize I'm better off without the parasitic nature of our relationship since she "checked out". I was putting all my energy in and she was just taking. So now I've stopped the outflow and get to use all my energy for myself, and it is beginning to slowly recharge even. It is frustrating that it takes so much effort and time to make my life what I want again, especially when I see her living it up, but I realize she is going on stolen promises and what I have is real and what I've made of it. Good luck friend it will get better. Spend some time on these forums, man up, do the 180! You are in good company here.


----Glad to hear Lon!!


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

The Count said:


> I'm a long time lurker who just registered, and I would like to share my experience of going through my second seperation with my wife of five years.
> 
> It's been a week now, and I feel like I have nothing left in the tank at all. We have two beautiful children, a daughter of ten (well, biologically she isn't mine, but my daughter in every other sense and I'm the only real Daddy she'll ever know) and a four year old son.
> 
> ...


Sorry man.. Time to do the 180 !!


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

NotaGoodSlave said:


> You need to wake up and seek competent legal advice immediately in regard to this situation. Leaving your home was a huge mistake - it could be presented as abandoment to the court by her future divorce attorney. No attorney would have advised you to do this.
> 
> Lets cut through all of the touchy / feely BS - Your wife is an emotional sadist. She enjoys inflicting emotional pain upon you.
> 1. "I love you; just not in love with you".
> ...


Are you 15 years old by any chance?


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Unfortunately #10 was all to familiar.


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

Syrum said:


> Are you 15 years old by any chance?


:smthumbup:


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## JustAGirl (Oct 1, 2010)

The Count said:


> I'm a long time lurker who just registered, and I would like to share my experience of going through my second seperation with my wife of five years.
> 
> It's been a week now, and I feel like I have nothing left in the tank at all. We have two beautiful children, a daughter of ten (well, biologically she isn't mine, but my daughter in every other sense and I'm the only real Daddy she'll ever know) and a four year old son.
> 
> ...



Ok, here's what I know....
I've been separated for 6 months and every single emotions you've described, I've felt....I also have a son.
It will get easier....and then harder and then easier again.
Take care of you, the best way you can.
Surround yourself w/family, friends...people who you can lean on.
Try to talk to a professional.
Smile....even when you want to cry.

Just remember this::::those children will love you forever!
Mourn your relationship and start making steps to move on.
Be strong, and when you're not....come here.
I do...all the time.
This forum has helped me so much....
And if no one will respond to a post (I just posted and got one response LOL), PM one of us....
I'm sorry you're feeling so much pain but I promise you, it does get better....it just takes time. How much? It different for everyone.
I'm still in pain, but right now....today I'm ok.
Just stressing, but that seems to be the norm from start to finish.
Good luck to you....take care of yourself


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

"I'm still in pain, but right now....today I'm ok."
---YES! 
This single instance of having been okay despite it all, and realizing it for what it was, had me in times of sadness able to remember that being "okay" happens! And that I would again BE okay.
For awhile it felt like day after day 24/7 it was bad. I dont know what happened, and really for no event in particular, i felt okay too.
It was really good. It was like a shower after a long hot day.
It also made the bad days, seem less, knowing for a FACT that feeling alright was going to happen again.


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