# More Help Needed on My Original Post



## JoeCamel (Oct 7, 2011)

In my first post here I stated that sex has gotten boring and that my wife does nothing to try and be more sensuous. Many people suggested that we sit down and have a serious conversation about this and I definitely agree.

The question is, how do I initiate this conversation? I have to admit that I am very nervous about having this conversation and have never really talked about sex to anyone before.

Where and how do I start this?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

JoeCamel said:


> In my first post here I stated that sex has gotten boring and that my wife does nothing to try and be more sensuous. Many people suggested that we sit down and have a serious conversation about this and I definitely agree.
> 
> The question is, how do I initiate this conversation? I have to admit that I am very nervous about having this conversation and have never really talked about sex to anyone before.
> 
> Where and how do I start this?


How about, can we talk for a minute? She is your wife. Just be open with what is on your mind. She may surprise you a bit.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Of coarse I am not a man but if it was ME, and I felt this would be very difficult,I would take the time to WRITE it all out, your feelings, your desires, your hopes , how you feel about her ..in a letter, so you have something in your hand to read to her, not fumbling all over the place grasping for words -as you may -as this is so new to you, never having talked about sex. I was in those shoes in my early marraige. It would have been wonderful if my husband did that ! It is a vulnerable thing to do -but that is what love is all about, right ! 

Then you will just need the courage to Bring that letter with you, put it in your hand and read it -looking into her eyes -when you decide to DO this. 

There is always a chance of rejection but hey, she IS your wife, if you can not open yourself up to your own wife, this just shouldn't be. Be the ice breaker...as the last poster said -you may be pleasantly surprised.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Try sitting down together and have a glass of wine. It will calm you down a bit.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I often use the letter approach even now after 13 years, especially when I know it's a subject that is going to bring up defensiveness in her.

That way we avoid an argument and by the time I see her after she's read it she's had time to chill down a bit and she'll want to talk about the letter.

It works for me
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

I would be genuine without being harsh or critical. Instead of saying "You never do this....." you could say "I love you so much and would love to try more of x, y, and z."

I would also ask her what YOU could be doing to spice up your sex life. Tell her you think that your sex life is an important aspect of the relationship and that you want to make sure you are BOTH happy.

Do it when you guys aren't fighting and when you are both relaxed. Wine could help!


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## nader (May 4, 2011)

to those telling the O.P. to simply sit down and talk about it, I can say from my experience that this does *not* always help. i've had times when my wife gets overly defensive or coldly changes the subject when I try to talk about this kind of thing. could be my timing is awful and I'm just catching her at the wrong time.

I feel our sexual relationship has regular ebbs and flows - sometimes it's awesome and sometimes, less so. I think this has less to do than anything we've talked about and much more with how she happens to feel at a particular moment.

But I just meant to point out that if were ever just as simple as talking things out we would probably have a lot fewer threads here.


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