# MEN: How important is your wife's support concerning your hobbies?



## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

When my now husband and I started dating I went to EVERY single one of his games. (He plays competitive soccer and is actually on a farm team for the MLS so this isn't just a bunch of 30 year old men kicking a ball around.) At this time, we were both living at home (typical in European cultures) and therefore had way less responsibilities than we do now. Basically, I had more time to go watch. Now, we have our own house and are responsible for all of our own meals, laundry, etc. (Yay, adulting.) I don't feel overwhelmed or anything as my husband is very helpful in terms of cooking and cleaning, but to attend a soccer game after a full day's work and what not isn't as exciting as it used to be. We also play on a competitive team together and I have my own team as well. All soccer. (We're an athletic couple.) If I watch his games I'm out of the house 3 evenings a week and I just find it to be a bit much, especially if he wants a clean house, dinner made, and sexy time. I feel like I can accomplish 3 of the 5 regularly, but not always all 5 - work, cook, clean, sex, soccer.) He doesn't always attend my games (if that makes any difference), but mainly because mine are scheduled earlier and he's not always off work. I never wanted to be one of those ghost wives... The ones you never see at the games. I also never wanted to be a slob and serve her man heat and eat style meals in a messy home. (I enjoy domestic duties most of the time so I don't always see it as a vacation to watch instead of cooking or cleaning.) Anyway, I'm trying to find more balance.

Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Sex (self explanatory)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator) 

Thank you!


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

1. Sex
2. Sex
3. Sex
4. Sex
5. Sex

The rest of it(cooking, cleaning, work) will follow with help, support and happiness from your H. Understand that being together physically and not always intimately make for a strong marriage. Cooking, cleaning and sex are a participation sport in my marriage. My W and I do these together as much as possible. You should attempt the same with your H. Concerning the hobby, my hobby my W will attend maybe 1-2 times a year. It does not bother me in the least. It should not bother your H either. Nor bother you that you can not make all the games.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Well, 4 is the only one I really need my wife for, all the rest, I can, and for the most part do take care of for myself and the family. I earn most of the money, do almost all of the cooking, majority of the cleaning, and my hobbies really aren't conducive to spectating.


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

I enjoy my wife attending my games! I don't actually recall her ever missing one, and it's nothing serious what I do (rec league stuff). It's nice having her there. If she were to miss here and again, it would be ok. However, what I can't stand to see are the WAG's who show up but aren't there...ie..immersed in a book or on their phone the entire time. They might as well have stayed home.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its not easy to order things - what is more important food or water? Well you die without either.

So how do your items affect me?

1) Work: I respect my wife for having a career. It would not be the end of the world if she left her job, but I prefer that she does

2). Cooking: doesn't matter to me at all. In fact I'd much rather she spent less time cooking and more time with me. I'm a little strange in that I prefer nice meals out to in the house - its not the food (my wife is a great cook), but the chore aspect associated with cooking / cleaning up dinner detracts for me. Fortunately we have the income to eat out whenever we wish. 

3). Cleaning. I don't want to live in a pigsty but this isn't important. We also get maid service - well worth the saved time.

4) Sex. This is vital - it is the one unique thing I can share with my wife. I said its difficult to put an order on things, but I would put this first. Sadly it is missing for us.

5). Supporting hobbies: I like to be able to talk about our hobbies and to participate at some level, but I don't expect or want her to go out of her way to engage in my hobby. 

The reverse of course applies. I try to do these things for my wife. I can't cook, so as a substitute I clean and do food shopping. Still not balanced, but I do more of other chores to make things even.




UnicornCupcake said:


> snip
> Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
> 1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
> 2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
> ...


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

At various times we've made various trade offs. Mainly between work and cleaning. Less work meant more time to tend to house vs more hours at work and more professional cleaning help. No trade offs on sex and cooking, they are both very important to us.

Our individual hobbies are more or less in or the house. When we do stuff outside the house we try to do it together. But that's where I would expect my wife to cut back.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

4, 5, 2, 3, 1


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

I should add that the reason cooking is important (to me) is my body. I like to keep trim and fit and I know I'd end up a big fatty if we ate out every day. That's the main reason I try to prioritize this one so much. I know from all the threads here a man would much rather have a trim wife even if it meant more time spent cooking than an overweight one so I don't want to budge too much, here. We do eat out (a nice meal - not fast-food) every Saturday, though so any more than that is too much, IMO. Maybe I can embrace some more heat and eat style meals? To free up my time? At least these can be quick and healthy as I can control what i'm heating. Maybe that can be my compromise here. And I need to make sure I don't feel guilty. I always feel like a failure purchasing pre made burgers or lasagna...

@KJ I know what you mean! I never figured out why they even come! I'm not one of those. Read your book at home, lol. We both play the sport so I'm either on the bench giving advice when asked or up top filming. I like to film him and we review it. (He seems to enjoy this, too.)

I should have known sex would trump a clean house, lol.


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

Only #4; the rest i can take care of myself

this reminds me of a joke.

the dictionary definition of the word "Wife": an attachment you screw on the bed to get the house work done.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

KJ_Simmons said:


> I enjoy my wife attending my games! I don't actually recall her ever missing one, and it's nothing serious what I do (rec league stuff). It's nice having her there. If she were to miss here and again, it would be ok. However, what I can't stand to see are the WAG's who show up but aren't there...ie..immersed in a book or on their phone the entire time. They might as well have stayed home.


KJ ~
May I ask why it's important for her to attend your games?
Thank you ~
VH


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

I have a question for the men:
What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4
Thanks


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I should add that the reason cooking is important (to me) is my body. I like to keep trim and fit and I know I'd end up a big fatty if we ate out every day. That's the main reason I try to prioritize this one so much. I know from all the threads here a man would much rather have a trim wife even if it meant more time spent cooking than an overweight one so I don't want to budge too much, here. We do eat out (a nice meal - not fast-food) every Saturday, though so any more than that is too much, IMO. Maybe I can embrace some more heat and eat style meals? To free up my time? At least these can be quick and healthy as I can control what i'm heating. Maybe that can be my compromise here. And I need to make sure I don't feel guilty. I always feel like a failure purchasing pre made burgers or lasagna...
> 
> @KJ I know what you mean! I never figured out why they even come! I'm not one of those. Read your book at home, lol. We both play the sport so I'm either on the bench giving advice when asked or up top filming. I like to film him and we review it. (He seems to enjoy this, too.)
> 
> I should have known sex would trump a clean house, lol.


Cooking is important to my W as she too is working on losing weight/keep it off, etc. The meals we both enjoy together and have both lost a lot of weight. I sometimes help cook but mostly clean up as my W has done the cooking. Seems fair to us. We also exercise together. Concerning premade foods....your H and you will enjoy the homemade over these already made meals. Spend time cooking and cleaning it up together as much as you can. 

Clean house is great for getting dirty in :smile2: My W cleans but if she really wants heavy duty cleaning she will ask me as some chemicals for cleaning really get to her. I do it gladly as it is physical work and since I sit at a desk all day it helps keep me fit. 

But yes, sex is part of a happy healthy marriage.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

VeryHurt said:


> I have a question for the men:
> What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4
> Thanks


Fair question. Man could see relationship as room mate type deal. Sometime a marriage will get to this level. Everything is done but #4 like a room mate relationship be. If you are in this situation it may be best to question why the man is not interested in #4 any longer.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Have you asked him how important having you in the stands is? Maybe you can go to every other game?

The order: 4, 1, 2, 3, 5

I'd much rather have good food to eat than heat and eat garbage. As you say, you are an athlete, he is an athlete, so good food helps two people and lousy food hurts two people. 

As far as a clean house, there's clean and there's OCD Clean. There's hours of work between clean and OCD Clean.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

VeryHurt said:


> I have a question for the men:
> What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4
> Thanks


Then he's a friend, and not a husband?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

4
1
3
2
5


I don't really need her to support my hobbies. I recently started learning to play banjo. I simply follow her around the house playing it. 

She hates it, and I kind of love that she hates it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

VeryHurt said:


> I have a question for the men:
> 
> What would you say if I man wanted 1,2,3,5 and NOT 4
> 
> Thanks




He's looking for his mother.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> 4
> 1
> 3
> 2
> ...


I have started with the banjo as well. I enjoy clawhammer. I particularly like double C tuning. I always say to my W, "Don't make me pull out the banjo." LOL. My W does not hate it but is not in love with it either. The banjo just get's no respect. I plan on changing that!


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## C3156 (Jun 13, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
> 1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
> 2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
> 3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
> ...


2 - I enjoy being pampered by her cooking, wish she would do it more often
3 - I like a neat house (Not OCD clean but not cluttered)
1 - Her income and career are important
4 - I enjoy it but as I get older it is not nearly as important
5 - My hobbies don't need spectators


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## KJ_Simmons (Jan 12, 2016)

VeryHurt said:


> KJ ~
> May I ask why it's important for her to attend your games?
> Thank you ~
> VH


I think it's cool when a woman shows interest in her man, and going to his hobbies with him (whether that be athletic pursuits, or nerd conventions, or whatever) is one way of showing that interest. Plus, who doesn't like to have their own little cheering section for them at games? :toast:


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> I have started with the banjo as well. I enjoy clawhammer. I particularly like double C tuning. I always say to my W, "Don't make me pull out the banjo." LOL. My W does not hate it but is not in love with it either. The banjo just get's no respect. I plan on changing that!


I do 3 finger in open G. Badly.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I do 3 finger in open G. Badly.


I feel ya, man. But even bad banjo is good banjo! I love playing the 5 string. I have 2. I keep one tuned to G and the other double C. Wayne Erbsen tabs make it easy to learn. Love using his tabs.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> When my now husband and I started dating I went to EVERY single one of his games. (He plays competitive soccer and is actually on a farm team for the MLS so this isn't just a bunch of 30 year old men kicking a ball around.) At this time, we were both living at home (typical in European cultures) and therefore had way less responsibilities than we do now. Basically, I had more time to go watch. Now, we have our own house and are responsible for all of our own meals, laundry, etc. (Yay, adulting.) I don't feel overwhelmed or anything as my husband is very helpful in terms of cooking and cleaning, but to attend a soccer game after a full day's work and what not isn't as exciting as it used to be. We also play on a competitive team together and I have my own team as well. All soccer. (We're an athletic couple.) If I watch his games I'm out of the house 3 evenings a week and I just find it to be a bit much, especially if he wants a clean house, dinner made, and sexy time. I feel like I can accomplish 3 of the 5 regularly, but not always all 5 - work, cook, clean, sex, soccer.) He doesn't always attend my games (if that makes any difference), but mainly because mine are scheduled earlier and he's not always off work. I never wanted to be one of those ghost wives... The ones you never see at the games. I also never wanted to be a slob and serve her man heat and eat style meals in a messy home. (I enjoy domestic duties most of the time so I don't always see it as a vacation to watch instead of cooking or cleaning.) Anyway, I'm trying to find more balance.
> 
> Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
> 1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
> ...


I am not sure what the point of this list is, I don't think it is going to solve your problem even if you do re-prioritize. I think it's the things you are doing but the fact that you don't feel emotionally supported. That is what I get from your post is basically, our lives are a routine and I need more. Instead of re-prioritizing stuff, why not talk to him about your needs. Do it before you start to resent him, give him a chance to help you and your marriage.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

sokillme said:


> I am not sure what the point of this list is, I don't think it is going to solve your problem even if you do re-prioritize. I think it's the things you are doing but the fact that you don't feel emotionally supported. That is what I get from your post is basically, our lives are a routine and I need more. Instead of re-prioritizing stuff, why not talk to him about your needs. Do it before you start to resent him, give him a chance to help you and your marriage.


This was a weird response...

I do feel supported and like I said I don't feel overwhelmed. I do, however, feel unsure as to whether or not I'm devoting my time/energy in the right way. I do GET overwhelmed easily which is also the point of this post. I want some guidance as to how I should or should not change up my routine.

My husband is very useful. (For example, I'm having a girl's night out Friday and everyone will be coming here before for drinks, makeup, etc. He's off work and he already told me he'll clean the entire apartment and be gone by whatever time I ask. He'll even pick my drunk ass up, lol.)
I have no resentment towards him concerning his domestic contribution. 

The goal of this re adjustment is 100% for his benefit. Seriously. I'm trying to figure out if my priorities are or aren't the most useful for a successful marriage. (I'm OCD clean, BTW... My apartment looks like a magazine and I spend A LOT of time cleaning everything inside and out... I may have to relax on that.)

Do any of you men have a *serious* hobby? Not that the banjo isn't serious... But you know what I mean...

So in sum, sex must be bumped up the list, lol.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

4, 5, 1, 2, 3


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*As an active football/basketball referee, I was thrilled whenever either of XW's attended any of my games!

My first W was into arts and crafts, but I was never really into it, but gave her moral support to keep it up as a hobby!

RSXW was into horses and old books of which I really came to love both avocations!

Unfortunately, she was also covertly into "bumping cars" with other men from her past to which I never had the first damned clue!*


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> This was a weird response...
> 
> I do feel supported and like I said I don't feel overwhelmed. I do, however, feel unsure as to whether or not I'm devoting my time/energy in the right way. I do GET overwhelmed easily which is also the point of this post. I want some guidance as to how I should or should not change up my routine.
> 
> ...


Sounds like you have a good husband, so why are you on the board asking us and not him?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.


Sex may be at the top of their list, but at the end of the day, it seems most would still prefer a 2nd paycheck coming in.

Unicorn, one of your biggest problems is that like most women, you're expected to do it *all*. You're expected to work outside the home, you're expected to do the clear _majority_ of the work inside the home, you're expected to provide constant attention and adoration to your husband, you're expected to be a sex kitten for him, you're expected to spend 3 hours watching a soccer game 3 nights a week and if you choose to have kids, you'll be expected to be Super Mom on TOP of all of that. And this is why most women are SO damned exhausted by the time they get the 'luxury' of falling into bed every night.

You need to stop seeing HIS occasional contribution inside the home as 'helping' *you*. He lives there too and you both work full time. That means he's RESPONSIBLE for *50%* of the chores inside the house. He's not doing you a 'favor' if he does laundry or scrubs a toilet - he's doing what he SHOULD be doing. And he's clearly NOT doing his true share or you wouldn't have mentioned "HE wants a clean house etc. etc." Well if HE wants it, he can damned well do 50% of it.

The reason I bring this up is that if you put all the domestic chores on the back-burner in order to pander to him and all his needs, the housecleaning fairy isn't going to pick up your slack. You'll just find yourself working your tail off at* other* times trying to CATCH up with what you put aside and you'll very much start to resent it. It's so easy for everyone to tell you to make him a priority but that doesn't mean everything else just magically gets taken care of. It's STILL there.

I'd be sitting him down and letting him know he's going to be doing *50%* from now on. Not 20, not 15, not when it's 'convenient' for him, but 50%. When he's doing his TRUE share, then you'll have more time to cater to him.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UnicornCupcake said:


> When my now husband and I started dating I went to EVERY single one of his games. (He plays competitive soccer and is actually on a farm team for the MLS so this isn't just a bunch of 30 year old men kicking a ball around.) At this time, we were both living at home (typical in European cultures) and therefore had way less responsibilities than we do now. Basically, I had more time to go watch. Now, we have our own house and are responsible for all of our own meals, laundry, etc. (Yay, adulting.) I don't feel overwhelmed or anything as my husband is very helpful in terms of cooking and cleaning, but to attend a soccer game after a full day's work and what not isn't as exciting as it used to be. We also play on a competitive team together and I have my own team as well. All soccer. (We're an athletic couple.) If I watch his games I'm out of the house 3 evenings a week and I just find it to be a bit much, especially if he wants a clean house, dinner made, and sexy time. I feel like I can accomplish 3 of the 5 regularly, but not always all 5 - work, cook, clean, sex, soccer.) He doesn't always attend my games (if that makes any difference), but mainly because mine are scheduled earlier and he's not always off work. I never wanted to be one of those ghost wives... The ones you never see at the games. I also never wanted to be a slob and serve her man heat and eat style meals in a messy home. (I enjoy domestic duties most of the time so I don't always see it as a vacation to watch instead of cooking or cleaning.) Anyway, I'm trying to find more balance.
> 
> Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
> 1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
> ...


4 is really the only one I care about based on the list you provided. The others I care about equally less. My reasoning:

Since I am in a monogamous relationship and have no desire to cheat, I cannot get sex from anywhere else. That makes sex an easy #1 priority (ironic since that is where my marriage often falls short lol). 

My W working would only be important to me if financially it was needed, or if we didn't have a family to take care of (over the past few years she has switched from working full time to being a SAHM to help raise our children). Cooking and cleaning, I can take care of myself, don't need a maid. Support for hobbies, as much as it would be nice if W was interested, not really high on my list. All I would ask is that my W doesn't dismiss my hobbies.


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.


So you think a woman being a SAHM makes her a Sugar Baby to old, lonely men


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.


Understand that my W is a SAHM. It is work for her 24/7. If it was not for what my W does daily I would not be able to do what I do daily. What my W does is very important. I appreciate the hell out of her and what she does.


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

Yeswecan said:


> Understand that my W is a SAHM. It is work for her 24/7. If it was not for what my W does daily I would not be able to do what I do daily. What my W does is very important. I appreciate the hell out of her and what she does.


That's a job. Work. Purpose. A few of the ordering has been placed so that a job (regardless of what it is) comes after sex. That was my point.


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## Feeling lost and lonely (Dec 15, 2015)

WorkingOnMe said:


> He's looking for his mother.


Or has a wife that don't want anything to do with it.

Sent from my XT830C using Tapatalk


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Yeswecan said:


> Understand that my W is a SAHM. It is work for her 24/7. If it was not for what my W does daily I would not be able to do what I do daily. What my W does is very important. I appreciate the hell out of her and what she does.


Very nice post, Yeswecan.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> Understand that my W is a SAHM. It is work for her 24/7. If it was not for what my W does daily I would not be able to do what I do daily. What my W does is very important. I appreciate the hell out of her and what she does.


Yeah, my ex wife used to throw that whole "24/7" thing out there, and I actually bought into it until I really stopped and thought about it.

First off, it was her decision to stay home. She didn't want to work outside the home, so as much as her staying home benefited the family, she would not have been able to do what she chose to do if it wasn't for what I did daily.

Second, having children, if she got to claim 24/7, then so did I. There was never any "getting to come home from work" for me. I just got to put on a different hat when I got there. I ran the kids around to their activities, I got up in the middle of the night when they were sick. When we were both home at the same time, I was just as involved in the day to day household functions as she was.

For sure, there are a lot of uninvolved husbands with stay at home wives, but I know I am not some outlier either, and involved husbands and fathers who have stay at home wives deserve just as much appreciation.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Yeah, my ex wife used to throw that whole "24/7" thing out there, and I actually bought into it until I really stopped and thought about it.
> 
> First off, it was her decision to stay home. She didn't want to work outside the home, so as much as her staying home benefited the family, she would not have been able to do what she chose to do if it wasn't for what I did daily.
> 
> ...


I was involved with my kids as well. See, we come home and get some kind of break from the outside work world. By and large my work world stays at work. A SAHM not so much. SAHM is always at the place of work. Yes, it is a different hat for us but it was not a work hat for me. It was fun hat that was put on when around the kids. Sure, I helped clean, etc. But that is what team work is IMO. My W contribution was watching how dollars are spent at the market. Lights are off when no one is in a room. The heat and A/C stay at a reasonable temp. These things she did showed she respected my hard work for money. The house is organized. The chaos of work is left at work. I respected her hard work and appreciated it. 

Keep in mind I did bath our children, changed a diaper, cleaned up vomit and fed them. It is part of being a dad. It is something I wanted to do as a father. It was never considered work for me because it was quality time with my kids. I did the activities. Play at the park. As they got older going to concerts and such. It was never work for me. 

But also keep in mind my W being at home provided a clear avenue for me to work so we may live as we do.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

OP- 

I'm not a man (not sure if I should apologize for this, lol), but just wanted to ask. . . . . 

Does your husband expect you to attend all of his games or is that a self-imposed guilt trip? Just curious.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> I was involved with my kids as well. See, we come home and get some kind of break from the outside work world. By and large my work world stays at work. A SAHM not so much. SAHM is always at the place of work. Yes, it is a different hat for us but it was not a work hat for me. It was fun hat that was put on when around the kids. Sure, I helped clean, etc. But that is what team work is IMO. My W contribution was watching how dollars are spent at the market. Lights are off when no one is in a room. The heat and A/C stay at a reasonable temp. These things she did showed she respected my hard work for money. The house is organized. The chaos of work is left at work. I respected her hard work and appreciated it.
> 
> Keep in mind I did bath our children, changed a diaper, cleaned up vomit and fed them. It is part of being a dad. It is something I wanted to do as a father. It was never considered work for me because* it was quality time with my kids*. I did the activities. Play at the park. As they got older going to concerts and such. *It was never work for me*.
> 
> But also keep in mind my W being at home provided a clear avenue for me to work so we may live as we do.


Why was it considered 24/7 work for her? Did she not have quality time with the kids?


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## UnicornCupcake (Dec 8, 2016)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> OP-
> 
> I'm not a man (not sure if I should apologize for this, lol), but just wanted to ask. . . . .
> 
> Does your husband expect you to attend all of his games or is that a self-imposed guilt trip? Just curious.


Oh, no he doesn't expect it, but I know the change hurts his feelings. He's told me he misses me being there. I'm a player myself so I'm not a useless spectator... I have real input concerning his game. I think this is part of the reason he wants me there. That was the point of this post - to figure out if I should sideline a few other things and make more time for this. It doesn't look like any of the men have a demanding hobby/sport that their wife also plays so it's a separate hobby, not a joint one so the advice is kind of of skewed? I'm just trying to figure out if my placing domestic duties too high on the priortiy list of things that need to be done.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> Why was it considered 24/7 work for her? Did she not have quality time with the kids?


It considered 24/7 IMO because she is never way from the house/kids, etc. Sure there is quality time but it is usually at home(place of work). I get away from that for 8 or so hours on the job. Sure, it is work but I'm on forums like this while at work. Participating in my car club forums between calls. Other than a customer or two that are unhappy, generally my day is quite easy. After 8-9 hours I brush off work and head home. That generally entails arriving to my organized home with dinner cooking. My weekends I do not work at my place of employment. I'm off. However, SAHM is at her work place for the weekend as well as M-F. It is 24/7.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Oh, no he doesn't expect it, but I know the change hurts his feelings. He's told me he misses me being there. I'm a player myself so I'm not a useless spectator... I have real input concerning his game. I think this is part of the reason he wants me there. That was the point of this post - to figure out if I should sideline a few other things and make more time for this. It doesn't look like any of the men have a demanding hobby/sport that their wife also plays so it's a separate hobby, not a joint one so the advice is kind of of skewed? *I'm just trying to figure out if my placing domestic duties too high on the priortiy list of things that need to be done*.


This is a tough one come up with an answer on. Obviously, your husband would be the only one who could answer that solely from his perspective, of course, even he may not really know the answer to that, and you may just have to try different things until you both find something you are happy and comfortable with.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

samyeagar said:


> Yeah, my ex wife used to throw that whole "24/7" thing out there, and I actually bought into it until I really stopped and thought about it.
> 
> First off, it was her decision to stay home. She didn't want to work outside the home, so as much as her staying home benefited the family, she would not have been able to do what she chose to do if it wasn't for what I did daily.
> 
> ...


Ditto. I'm sure there are husbands who don't pull their weight when they get home from work, but of my peers I can honestly say I don't know any who come home, put their feet up, and get treated like a king. I'm busy from morning until bedtime. Certainly as busy as my wife if not more. 

The nature of the work done at home is going to be different. It can't be any other way. If SAH spouse makes dinner is the other spouse going to make another dinner? It's destined to be an unequal relationship in some ways. 

The idea that all of the domestic work is going to be split 50/50 across the board makes no sense if one partner is a SAH. Things should be equitable but they won't necessarily be equal. Each partner should be afforded the same amount of relaxation time. 

In the case of the OP she has a desire to keep their home exceptionally clean which requires a great deal of work. Does her husband find that excessive? Is it even negotiable in her eyes?Does he know she's going to crack under the pressure of trying to get it all done? If he knew that she prioritized sex below the other things on her list how would he react? Would he agree with her or suggest that they come to an agreement about carving out more time from their schedule like giving up their co-ed football match to work on the housework instead? Many unanswered questions here.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

UnicornCupcake said:


> I'm amazed how low "having a job" is for a lot of the men, lol. I didn't say a career I just said a job.. as in she WORKS. How can that be less important than sex? No wonder there are so many Sugar Babies out there taking advantage of old, lonely men, lol.


Your prioritization list should be a mandatory discussion before marriage. If most men (as in way over 50%) saw the list and sex was not #1 or at worse #2 they would withdraw the proposal. 

Talk about disillusionment, pre-marriage the average guy is having lot's of sex and the girl participates in everything he does. Then he finds out after marriage participation in what he does is dead last and sex is not far behind. :surprise:


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Oh, no he doesn't expect it, but I know the change hurts his feelings. He's told me he misses me being there. I'm a player myself so I'm not a useless spectator... I have real input concerning his game. I think this is part of the reason he wants me there. That was the point of this post - to figure out if I should sideline a few other things and make more time for this. It doesn't look like any of the men have a demanding hobby/sport that their wife also plays so it's a separate hobby, not a joint one so the advice is kind of of skewed? I'm just trying to figure out if my placing domestic duties too high on the priortiy list of things that need to be done.


Why not compromise, and attend one game per week? Then if things are caught up where you want them, then you can attend another.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

You and he can make a bunch of decent food at once and then freeze it in meal size portions. Then you can avoid heat and eat food, eat well, and not spend a ton of time cooking every day. Does he enjoy cooking?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

C3156 said:


> 2 - I enjoy being pampered by her cooking, wish she would do it more often
> 3 - I like a neat house (Not OCD clean but not cluttered)
> 1 - Her income and career are important
> 4 - I enjoy it but as I get older it is not nearly as important
> 5 - My hobbies don't need spectators


I was wondering would there be a marked difference between the guys in their 20-30s, 40-50s and 50-60's in how they rank these items.
You have partially answered that question


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

5. I'd never expect her to attend. In the busyness of our day free time is precious. It's all about balance. 

Since you both share house work (and you're here exploring this topic) it seems neither of you are overly selfish and are concerned about the other's feelings. Do you sense he would be troubled if you didn't attend so many games?


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

Work comes first. Cooking and cleaning and sex are somewhere in the middle. Then my hobbies are last. My kids are top priority. But I think priority also should be given to alone time with the wife too. 

Sent from my LG-US996 using Tapatalk


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I would rate it at the bottom. While it is important to support your spouse's hobbies, it's not as important and the rest you mentioned. If your spouse can't devote a lot of time to it, it's important that they know that you are in support of it and aren't expected to quit just because you aren't into it as much as they are.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

UnicornCupcake said:


> When my now husband and I started dating I went to EVERY single one of his games. (He plays competitive soccer and is actually on a farm team for the MLS so this isn't just a bunch of 30 year old men kicking a ball around.) At this time, we were both living at home (typical in European cultures) and therefore had way less responsibilities than we do now. Basically, I had more time to go watch. Now, we have our own house and are responsible for all of our own meals, laundry, etc. (Yay, adulting.) I don't feel overwhelmed or anything as my husband is very helpful in terms of cooking and cleaning, but to attend a soccer game after a full day's work and what not isn't as exciting as it used to be. We also play on a competitive team together and I have my own team as well. All soccer. (We're an athletic couple.) If I watch his games I'm out of the house 3 evenings a week and I just find it to be a bit much, especially if he wants a clean house, dinner made, and sexy time. I feel like I can accomplish 3 of the 5 regularly, but not always all 5 - work, cook, clean, sex, soccer.) He doesn't always attend my games (if that makes any difference), but mainly because mine are scheduled earlier and he's not always off work. I never wanted to be one of those ghost wives... The ones you never see at the games. I also never wanted to be a slob and serve her man heat and eat style meals in a messy home. (I enjoy domestic duties most of the time so I don't always see it as a vacation to watch instead of cooking or cleaning.) Anyway, I'm trying to find more balance.
> 
> Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
> 1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
> ...



1. Work - two incomes needed today
2. Sex - she has a very low sex drive.......
3. Cleaning - I do most of it
4. Cooking - we both cook
5. Hobbies - doesn't matter to me.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

1. Work - You can't do anything without finances, so this is paramount.

2. Sex - I'm HD. Nuff said. 

3. Cleaning - I'm a collector, so I must have organization. Additionally, I do my own laundry, my share of the cleaning and all of the yard maintenance. She cleans the bathroom because she takes 3 showers a day.

4. Cooking - I eat for sustenance. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy certain dishes, but I don't center my life around food. Honestly, if I didn't have to eat, I probably never would. That would eliminate the time-suck that is going to the bathroom.

5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator) - What I enjoy in my spare time makes me who I am as an individual. If she enjoys the same things, it's all good. We'd have something additional to share. If not, no biggie. Life goes on and I'll enjoy my hobbies by myself. For example, I enjoy attending sporting events and conventions. It's great if she goes, but I won't force her to go.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

UnicornCupcake said:


> Can you rate the following in order of what's the most important to you? (1 being the most important.)
> 1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
> 2. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
> 3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
> ...


 I asked my Husband this earlier... this was his response:

1.  
2 & 3. Toss up between cooking wholesome meals and supporting his Hobbies 
4. Clean house
5. me working


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

1. Sex (no explanation needed)
2. Support for your hobbies (my wife has to allow me hobbies, not dissuade me from things i enjoy doing or otherwise monopolize my free time; whether she watches, i don't care) 
3. Cleaning (if i didn't have to do 90% of the housework, that would be nice; also i lived in a very messy house growing up, so i value this)
4. Cooking (wife eats out all of the time; i'll never see a home-cooked meal again unless i make it but i can deal with that)
5. Work (sometimes, i wish my wife didn't work; her career is dominating our lives *sigh*)


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## MovingFrwrd (Dec 22, 2015)

Hmmm. Practically Speaking:

1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Kids homework (help!)
3. Family Organization
4. Support for hobbies (my wife keeping kids while I handle them)
5. Sex

And selfishly:

1. Sex
2. Support for hobbies
3. Kids Stuff
4. Work
5. Support things I do outside house.


I didn't exactly use the same items, but if I did:

1. Work (as in your wife has a job, lol)
2. Sex (self explanatory) 
3. Cleaning (not just a quick wipe down of the kitchen, but a clean home you can be proud of)
4. Cooking (are heat and eat style meals OK or do you like to eat well?)
5. Support for your hobbies (your wife as a spectator) 


4 kids tends to change priorities around a bit...


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