# It's his Birthday!



## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

So its his 40th on Sunday. The plan was to go away for the weekend walking and relaxing.
No plans now!
I'm feeling really flat today.
I'm on the verge of another emotional break down and I've been doing so well, been so strong and putting the boundaries in place!
It's going to be a tough weekend!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## cabbage65 (Feb 14, 2012)

sorry ((((daisy))))) be good to yourself!


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

Special days that come are really tough... we have had 4 birthdays and the holidays since all this started. He didn't care and didn't try to put on a 'good' face while he was in the house and one of his kids wouldn't talk to him on their birthday... His loss. 

Will your children be with him? Or will he be alone?


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## HerToo (Oct 3, 2011)

Who has decided it's going to be a tough weekend? You did. No one came to you said "I have a delivery for you. It's a Tough Weekend. Sign here to accept it."

I'm not trying to sound cruel. But we don't give ourselves enough credit for the ability to decide on how we want to feel each day. Does that mean we can stop bad things from happening? No. But we alone can decide on how to feel.

Why not wish him a Happy Birthday, and go on an outing yourself? Don't you feel that you deserve to be nice to you? You can't live the lives of others, you can only live yours. Do something you have never done, but wanted to do. It doesn't have to cost money, it just needs you. Thank yourself for being you. Your friends do this each day without saying a word to you. Your spirit needs you back so that you can live again. Don't deny yourself. Although you can't see anyone on this board who responds to you, can you feel their caring love for you? They are mentally reaching out to pick you back up on your feet. Why not be kind and let them? Why not be kind to yourself? There are no excuses for not doing so, and you know it in your heart. Go!


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## hilly2 (Jan 15, 2012)

daisygirl 41 said:


> So its his 40th on Sunday. The plan was to go away for the weekend walking and relaxing.
> No plans now!
> I'm feeling really flat today.
> I'm on the verge of another emotional break down and I've been doing so well, been so strong and putting the boundaries in place!
> ...


Can you get away? I think the worst thing would be to stay at home.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Thankyou HerToo. 
I'm going to check out the Youtube clips you recommended this evening.

Mamatomany - no he won't be alone we will either do something as a family or I have told him if he wants to do something just with the children I am fine with that. This just being friends things is very tough but I'm not quite ready to throw in the towel altogether yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CSeryllum (Jan 23, 2012)

I guess in a sense I am kind of lucky. My stbxw hates her birthday, and used to tell me I was the only one that made her birthday good because bad things always happen on her birthday.

This year when her birthday rolls around in June I won't be there, but I know she'll have a miserable birthday. And that actually makes me feel kind of warm and fuzzy.


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## madaboutlove (Aug 28, 2011)

My birthday is Wednesday and then stbxh's birthday is coming later in March. My family took me out on the weekend and now my son is going to take me to dinner on my birthday. I can see myself trying to see him on Wednesday, these holiday things s*ck. It was even tough on Saturday night, all my BIL were there with their wives and I was alone. Everyone was great but it was still tough


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## ontheup (Mar 4, 2012)

My STBX left in the june 2010 and his fist visit to see the kids was christmas that year, it was so hard getting through it but i was determined to for the kids sake, the kids and i made him a special photo album with pictures of him and the kids, through various points of their lives, i made a point of keeping any pictures of me out of it, and i also brought him a small gift from me. Well he loved the album, and the small gift but what really hurt was he had not even brought me a small gift, even though he was celebrating in my house with our kids. That was a real smack in the face a nd a big wake up call to me. When JAn came and it was time for his 40 birthday, i decided that i was not going to send anything to him, but i did send something from the kids which i brought. As we are close in age we had made plans to have a big joint 40th party with all our friends and family so not to do that was hard. When it camr to my birthday in April, i made sure i was busy. I was travelling back from Portugal with my kids ( i had saved like crazy to be able to take them away our 1st holiday abroad with out him) HE was not impressed that i was doing it and kept trying to talk me out of it. We arrived home on my 40th birthday and my parents had brought me lots of wonderful gifts and an amazing cake and in the evening all my girlfriends turnt up unannounced with food , drinks and another amazing cake and we had an impromtu party, and you know what i ahd a great time with the people who really meant alot to me, he spent his doing nothing. He never bothered to wish me happy birthday or anything, his sisters sent me a big bouquet of flowers, but blanked by him. I did not care. 
*it is hard doing all the first things alone but you get through them. Now i do not send him anything from the kids unless they have *made or brought it themselves, the way i feel why should i spend my small amount of earnings buying things from the kids to him when he does not bother to do the same. So this year he got nothing because when i explained to my kids why i was not buying anything (they 12 and 15), they agreed and said they did not want to send him anything either, they brought him a cheap card but never sent it to him. They are beginning to see their dad in a different light. Their response was he keeps on at you that he wants to be your friend, but he not treating you like a friend. You buy things for your friends when its their special day.So why should we bother. I have stopped trying to push them to do what i think is the right thing, they are old enough to make those decisions themselves.


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## cgh (Jan 18, 2012)

if you dont want to mark his birthday then dont. but dont be sad or unhappy about it. 
Life is far to short to be sad all the time. 
if you want to do something for it then do it.
my advice is get of the fence and do something that you want to do.
keep that head up.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

I spent his birthday with him because my children wanted me there.
We had a lovely day. Probably our last family day.
He told me the day before that he was in love with the OW. 
No more family days out for us!
He has no idea what he is about to lose.
In some ways I pity him
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dontpanic (Feb 23, 2012)

daisygirl,
I feel so sorry that he came to that decision ((hugs)). It is not really a "decision", it is an avoidance. He is hiding behind his relationship with OW because he doesn't have the courage to work on his own issues.

Keep strong! You are doing great working on finding your own peace and happiness! He really doesn't know what he is losing.


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