# Wife Moved out with our 2 Kids. Living nightmare.



## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Hey everyone this is my first post. My wife left a month ago to live with her parents. She got the rest of her stuff on Monday from our place. We have two kids (7 months and 3 years) that also live with her now too. I have seen the kids everyday, but this whole separation has been a nightmare for my life. And the life I have planned for us as a family. I don’t know how to get through this time since divorce hasn’t been present ever in my life. I want my wife back I want my kids back. We had our issues, but to me it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. However, my wife is not interested in any sort of therapy or reconciling. Im doing multiple therapy sessions a week for myself. I would be lying if the only thing getting me through is hope she would come back. Im not the type to give up, but I did everything I could to bring her back and she said no. I know it’s time to let her go and hope she comes back on her own, but I don’t know how to handle this type of pain. I know I’m suppose to learn how to accept a life without her, but it takes me into dark mindset and I can’t bare it. I love my wife and she has a lot of childhood trauma that she has never gotten help for. She only wanted intimacy with me once a week and even then she would say let’s get this over with or let’s hurry up. I would be rejected everyday by her and eventually I would blow up and call her out of her name or say things that I wish I could take back. I have a lot of regret and guilt and I just can’t stop thinking about if I had the opportunity how I could fix things. It’s been a month and I have had a lot of reflection, but I can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. I don’t understand how she could give up on me when I never would give up on her. To me I’m living a nightmare. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Hecsan1998 said:


> she has a lot of childhood trauma that she has never gotten help for.


Yeah, it's very difficult being, or living with, a survivor of childhood trauma. 



Hecsan1998 said:


> I did everything I could to bring her back


What did you try?



Hecsan1998 said:


> I don’t understand how she could give up on me when I never would give up on her.


Maybe she wasn't seeing anything changing?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

You don't give any info as to why of the underlying reasons for her to leave. Having said that, the first thing you need to do is to get off "hopium " and come down to reality. 

You must accept that is over, and proceed accordingly to ensure your own well being. Have you already retained the services of a lawyer? If not, what are you waiting? Don't be like most men that act so pathetically stupid by doing nothing until they are being clean-up in court and find themselves living in a tiny apartment eating Ramen soup while the ex is all dandy in her new life with her new partner.

The first mistake you made was that of becoming the pathetic supplicant to your wife. Do you understand how weak and unattractive that looks to a woman. It actually has the opposite effect of what you were trying to accomplish. It always backfires because you put yourself in a position of weakness. 
Although it might sound wrong to all you want to achieve to get her back by serving her with divorce papers, becoming aloof and indifferent towards her, doing the 180, will help you to start detaching from her. Communicate by text only and only about the children, nothing else.

She's gone, and you loving her has nothing to do with the equation because she not longer is in love with you. If anything, you detaching and starting your own life could make her think twice about the marriage, but you need to stop your supplicant act right away. Show her that you have move on.

Reminder: get to a lawyer like yesterday, don't be a fool on a fool's errant and prepare yourself. If she ever changes her mind, then you can always stop the proceedings. But without us not knowing the underlying reasons why she left, I would like to advise you to verify is there is someone else, male or female, you just can't discount anything these days. It may or it may not help you in the divorce if there's infidelity but is always good to have an extra ace for the flushing.

More explaining as to why she left you would help you to get better feedback.


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Laurentium said:


> Yeah, it's very difficult being, or living with, a survivor of childhood trauma.
> 
> 
> What did you try?
> ...


I have acknowledged all my wrongs in the relationship. I do believe that her leaving has given me time to reflect on my failures as a husband. She knows I have been attending therapy 4-5 times a week. I have also been very patient and calm with her even when she has met me with anger. We didn’t start doing therapy until a week before she left. At that point she said it’s too late. I don’t believe it’s ever too late to salvage a marriage for us and for the kids. I have let know that I understand she needs time and to take as much time as she needs, but to have an open mind about us one day. However, she says she can’t say she’ll be able to open her heart to us reconciling. I personally just want to have a glimpse that there is hope for us one day and I can’t get that.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Hecsan1998 said:


> I have acknowledged all my wrongs in the relationship. I do believe that her leaving has given me time to reflect on my failures as a husband. She knows I have been attending therapy 4-5 times a week. I have also been very patient and calm with her even when she has met me with anger. We didn’t start doing therapy until a week before she left. At that point she said it’s too late. I don’t believe it’s ever too late to salvage a marriage for us and for the kids. I have let know that I understand she needs time and to take as much time as she needs, but to have an open mind about us one day. However, she says she can’t say she’ll be able to open her heart to us reconciling. I personally just want to have a glimpse that there is hope for us one day and I can’t get that.


Re-read @Rob_1 reply


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

OP, 

take it from someone that does indeed truly understand your situation. Trust me, I DO.


It’s not worth it. She is not worth it.

it doesn’t matter how much you love her. That will pass with time. Even if she came back, you would be making concession after concession. Your life would absolutely suck. In fact, it would get worse. In her mind, she will think she is doing you a favor by even coming back.

I understand your frustration. I get it. Holy hell do I get it.

im telling you, she isn’t worth it.

You cannot save anyone. They can only save themselves. Either she wants to get help for her trauma or she doesn’t. You can’t make her do this. You can’t make her want to do this.

you deserve better. Much better. People with untreated trauma that get into relationships are self-centered selfish people. They put their pain and anguish onto their partners And then expect the partner to prop them up. It isn’t fair. Now she has dragged you down into her out of despair and you did nothing to deserve that.

She is doing you a favor. Get out and don’t look back. I know it hurts. I KNOW….. but you’ve got to look out for you and your kids. Get out now.

also, make sure to get to a lawyer and get a proper child custody setup. You shouldn’t have to drive to see your kids everyday.


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> You don't give any info as to why of the underlying reasons for her to leave. Having said that, the first thing you need to do is to get off "hopium " and come down to reality.
> 
> You must accept that is over, and proceed accordingly to ensure your own well being. Have you already retained the services of a lawyer? If not, what are you waiting? Don't be like most men that act so pathetically stupid by doing nothing until they are being clean-up in court and find themselves living in a tiny apartment eating Ramen soup while the ex is all dandy in her new life with her new partner.
> 
> ...


She went through sexual abuse at an early age. She also lived in a household where her parents were on and off again due to her dad drinking and being emotionally abusive. Parent fights were a norm in her house and her dad was in and out of jail. She fears the same is going to happen to her so that is one of the reasons she left. Our last argument my daughter told me to stop yelling at her mom which triggered her to leave. Granted no one was yelling, but in a 3 year olds eyes it was. I have gotten a lawyer and my ex and I are on the same page of 50/50 custody and are in the process of getting it all worked out.


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> OP,
> 
> take it from someone that does indeed truly understand your situation. Trust me, I DO.
> 
> ...


Thank you for the advice. I currently have a a lawyer and luckily my ex hasn’t been pushing back on anything I want. We both want 50/50 custody seeing that we both know we are good parents.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Hecsan1998 said:


> Thank you for the advice. I currently have a a lawyer and luckily my ex hasn’t been pushing back on anything I want. We both want 50/50 custody seeing that we both know we are good parents.


Good. Keep it this way. Considering the age of your children, I’m assuming you are still very young.

trust me, it can get MUCH worse. You are getting out early. Take it and don’t look back.


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Good. Keep it this way. Considering the age of your children, I’m assuming you are still very young.
> 
> trust me, it can get MUCH worse. You are getting out early. Take it and don’t look back.


Yes, I’m only 24.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Hecsan1998 said:


> Yes, I’m only 24.


Oh man! You are good.

I mean, it sucks right now, but damn…. You’ll be good.

I’m 42. Don’t wait until you are my age.

get yourself right. Heal, and find someone new that doesn’t have trauma in their lives. You deserve a lot better in your life.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Hecsan1998 said:


> She went through sexual abuse at an early age. She also lived in a household where her parents were on and off again due to her dad drinking and being emotionally abusive. Parent fights were a norm in her house and her dad was in and out of jail. She fears the same is going to happen to her so that is one of the reasons she left. Our last argument my daughter told me to stop yelling at her mom which triggered her to leave. Granted no one was yelling, but in a 3 year olds eyes it was. I have gotten a lawyer and my ex and I are on the same page of 50/50 custody and are in the process of getting it all worked out.


It's terrible what she endured growing up, but by the same token some people can get over it and live a normal mentally healthy life. Some people like your wife will struggle their whole life, and a lot times they drag with them the rest of their loved ones. I didn't realize that you were so young. Believe me when I tell you, you just avoided having been drug around for many, many years more. Consider yourself blessed. You will recoup and start anew with a better, healthier partner eventually. Your kids are your kids 50/50, so do not think that you are losing them. You would have to just manage better the quality time with your kids. better two happy homes than a miserable one.

Use to your advantage that she wants out now to procced with the divorce as fast as possible to avoid any more crap coming your way in the form of divorce demands that will only reward the lawyers.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Rob_1 said:


> It's terrible what she endured growing up, but by the same token some people can get over it and live a normal mentally healthy life. Some people like your wife will struggle their whole life, and a lot times they drag with them the rest of their loved ones. I didn't realize that you were so young. Believe me when I tell you, you just avoided having been drug around for many, many years more. Consider yourself blessed. You will recoup and start anew with a better, healthier partner eventually. Your kids are your kids 50/50, so do not think that you are losing them. You would have to just manage better the quality time with your kids. better two happy homes than a miserable one.
> 
> Use to your advantage that she wants out now to procced with the divorce as fast as possible to avoid any more crap coming your way in the form of divorce demands that will only reward the lawyers.


I can’t agree with Rob enough here. He is absolutely correct. I can tell you without a doubt that everything he said here will happen the longer this drags on.
Its true - it is extremely unfortunate when horrible trauma happens to people. You wish it didn’t, but that’s life. Bad people exist in the world. Some people bounce back. Some people allow their trauma to completely ruin their lives and everyone else around them.

I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you got lucky at 24. things get way more complicated and expensive the older you get - plus, you then have to deal with the regret of all the time wasted with that person where you could have been happy alone or with someone else.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Let her go and save yourself. FOO issues run deep. You can’t fix that. Fix your picker.
As a precaution I would go online and check her phone bill. At least rule that out.
Blame shifting is a common occurrence in these situations.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Hecsan1998 said:


> She went through sexual abuse at an early age. She also lived in a household where her parents were on and off again due to her dad drinking and being emotionally abusive. Parent fights were a norm in her house and her dad was in and out of jail. She fears the same is going to happen to her so that is one of the reasons she left. Our last argument my daughter told me to stop yelling at her mom which triggered her to leave. Granted no one was yelling, but in a 3 year olds eyes it was. I have gotten a lawyer and my ex and I are on the same page of 50/50 custody and are in the process of getting it all worked out.


You’re living a life if making excuses for your wife being an absolutely horrid partner. She split. It does hurt like hell. But even if she can’t back tomorrow as you were told, your life would still be crap. It’s totally a good thing that your wife doesn’t want to come back. That hurts to hear, but in time you will see it for the blessing it is. Move on. You weren’t happy before she left!!! 

Don’t allow yourself to focus on the good things, focus on the future. Get your mind looking ahead and making your life better. That’s the quickest way out of the pain. 

Constantly thinking about your wife and what you’re missing, rather than moving forward and making a new life, is the opposite thing you should do. Try to control those thoughts. Also do your best to go no contact as best you can. Love is not always a beneficial emotion, it can be totally destructive.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Hecsan1998 said:


> She also lived in a household where her parents were on and off again due to her dad drinking and being emotionally abusive. Parent fights were a norm in her house and her dad was in and out of jail.


Well what a wonderful home life! No wonder she wanted to move back with them. And now she is exposing your children to that environment? Dude, if there is any chance that your kids are being exposed to any kind of abuse, you need to get the law involved and get them out of there.


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Diceplayer said:


> Well what a wonderful home life! No wonder she wanted to move back with them. And now she is exposing your children to that environment? Dude, if there is any chance that your kids are being exposed to any kind of abuse, you need to get the law involved and get them out of there.


For the last 5 years they have been doing great together after they state they have found God. My father in law has been clean for 5 years and they are in great terms now. I agree I have to move on and let go, but it blows my mind my wife is quitting now when her parents somehow made it work after 20 years. I worked and went home to the family. No addictions at all. It’s dumbfounding she has left this situation because of her past when it doesn’t compare.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Hecsan1998 said:


> Hey everyone this is my first post. My wife left a month ago to live with her parents. She got the rest of her stuff on Monday from our place. We have two kids (7 months and 3 years) that also live with her now too. I have seen the kids everyday, but this whole separation has been a nightmare for my life. And the life I have planned for us as a family. I don’t know how to get through this time since divorce hasn’t been present ever in my life. I want my wife back I want my kids back. We had our issues, but to me it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. However, my wife is not interested in any sort of therapy or reconciling. Im doing multiple therapy sessions a week for myself. I would be lying if the only thing getting me through is hope she would come back. Im not the type to give up, but I did everything I could to bring her back and she said no. I know it’s time to let her go and hope she comes back on her own, but I don’t know how to handle this type of pain. I know I’m suppose to learn how to accept a life without her, but it takes me into dark mindset and I can’t bare it. I love my wife and she has a lot of childhood trauma that she has never gotten help for. She only wanted intimacy with me once a week and even then she would say let’s get this over with or let’s hurry up. I would be rejected everyday by her and eventually I would blow up and call her out of her name or say things that I wish I could take back. I have a lot of regret and guilt and I just can’t stop thinking about if I had the opportunity how I could fix things. It’s been a month and I have had a lot of reflection, but I can’t see the light at the end of this tunnel. I don’t understand how she could give up on me when I never would give up on her. To me I’m living a nightmare. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks


She’s clearly showing you, in many ways, that she doesn’t desire you as a man or a husband, is not in love with you and doesn’t want to be your wife anymore.

Also, be advised that women rarely leave a marriage without starting another relationship of some kind with another man first.

DO NOT CHASE HER. It’s pathetic and only makes you look weak and will destroy any respect she may have for you.

She has essentially initiated a separation. Do not allow this to continue.
A separation is only a way to:
1. Try out another man/men, and/or
2. Ease into a divorce at her convenience

She can work on her issues at home, as your wife. You can give her some space without a separation. She’s either your wife or she’s not.

If she insists she needs this separation to figure things out, YOU file for divorce immediately - because that is what she is choosing. She just wants to do it at her convenience. You need to take action in your own best interest, as she is.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Hecsan1998 said:


> For the last 5 years they have been doing great together after they state they have found God. My father in law has been clean for 5 years and they are in great terms now. I agree I have to move on and let go, but it blows my mind my wife is quitting now when her parents somehow made it work after 20 years. I worked and went home to the family. No addictions at all. It’s dumbfounding she has left this situation because of her past when it doesn’t compare.


Hecsan....

It is a character flaw in her, not you. I understand. It absolutely is baffling. Why give up when you could at least try? If it doesn't work after that, then it would be a lot more easy to understand. 

Some people unfortunately prefer to stay with the victim mentality. That way, they never have to take accountability for their own actions. It is ALWAYS someone else's fault, never theirs. 

You challenged her to be better and to stop being the victim. She didn't like that. She wanted to use you to take care of her for the remainder of her life so that she never would have to deal with her own demons. She is doing you a favor by leaving. She will find someone else to use and destroy so that she never has to face the problems herself.

Don't get me wrong, what she had to deal with as a child is NOT her fault. She was a victim of abuse.

At some point, personal accountability comes into play. As an adult, she chose to stay as a victim instead of healing and becoming a survivor. There are many people in this world that have had horrible things happen to them, get help, heal and then lead a good life. Your wife has chosen not to be one of those people.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

DudeInProgress said:


> She’s clearly showing you, in many ways, that she doesn’t desire you as a man or a husband, is not in love with you and doesn’t want to be your wife anymore.
> 
> Also, be advised that women rarely leave a marriage without starting another relationship of some kind with another man first.
> 
> ...


I do think in many situations you are correct, Dude.

In the the case of the traumatized person who is running away, I don't think she has anyone lined up. I think she just wants to get away from OP because she doesn't want to deal with her trauma.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Diceplayer said:


> Well what a wonderful home life! No wonder she wanted to move back with them. And now she is exposing your children to that environment? Dude, if there is any chance that your kids are being exposed to any kind of abuse, you need to get the law involved and get them out of there.


That did occur to me as well. Why take them there?

Op who was it who abused her. I am hoping it wasn't her dad😳.


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> That did occur to me as well. Why take them there?
> 
> Op who was it who abused her. I am hoping it wasn't her dad😳.


No it wasn’t her dad. It was an old family friend they haven’t seen since the incident. Her parents have been great for some years now. I had hoped that they would inspire her to come back. Her parents still call me and tell me to have faith. However, they couldn’t talk her in to coming back either.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hecsan1998 said:


> No it wasn’t her dad. It was an old family friend they haven’t seen since the incident. Her parents have been great for some years now. I had hoped that they would inspire her to come back. Her parents still call me and tell me to have faith. However, they couldn’t talk her in to coming back either.


So the parents knew about the incident? Was she raped?


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Yes they did she was only 9. She hasn’t gotten the help she needs for it. Only did therapy a little bit growing up and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but her parents never pushed her back to therapy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hecsan1998 said:


> Yes they did she was only 9. She hasn’t gotten the help she needs for it. Only did therapy a little bit growing up and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but her parents never pushed her back to therapy.


It's a horrible thing but with help and determination she can get past it. I know several people who were even sexually abused by their own dad, and that was many times over many years. Even they are doing really well and leading productive lives. Many married with children. 
She can still get help now if she thinks she needs it. As someone said though, at some point we do have to stop blaming our actions on our past and take responsibility.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Is everyone in this thread forgetting OP had multiple sexting partners and maybe, just possibly, the multiple AP's is why his wife wants to end the marriage? 
Not her past abuse.
Not her parents sick co-dependent marriage that she seems desperate to NOT emulate.
Not anything but OP got busted having sexting affairs and that was, rightly, enough for her to call it over?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> Is everyone in this thread forgetting OP had multiple sexting partners and maybe, just possibly, the multiple AP's is why his wife wants to end the marriage?
> Not her past abuse.
> Not her parents sick co-dependent marriage that she seems desperate to NOT emulate.
> Not anything but OP got busted having sexting affairs and that was, rightly, enough for her to call it over?


Where did he say that?


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

MJJEAN said:


> Is everyone in this thread forgetting OP had multiple sexting partners and maybe, just possibly, the multiple AP's is why his wife wants to end the marriage?
> Not her past abuse.
> Not her parents sick co-dependent marriage that she seems desperate to NOT emulate.
> Not anything but OP got busted having sexting affairs and that was, rightly, enough for her to call it over?


Sexting affairs? Nothing like that ever happened not once did I cheat. I think you’re confused


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> It's a horrible thing but with help and determination she can get past it. I know several people who were even sexually abused by their own dad, and that was many times over many years. Even they are doing really well and leading productive lives. Many married with children.
> She can still get help now if she thinks she needs it. As someone said though, at some point we do have to stop blaming our actions on our past and take responsibility.


Yes unfortunately she doesn’t believe she needs therapy. She does not she has trauma she is still going through, but for some reason isn’t willing to get the help. They believe that faith can fix everything, but she needs to put in the work on her own too and she hasn’t done that.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

There's someone else. Spouses don't just walk away from a young family without a perceived safety net unless there is some kind of serious toxicity.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Hecsan1998 said:


> Yes unfortunately she doesn’t believe she needs therapy. She does not she has trauma she is still going through, but for some reason isn’t willing to get the help. They believe that faith can fix everything, but she needs to put in the work on her own too and she hasn’t done that.


This is unfortunate, but also irrelevant to what you need to do now. 
Regardless of her past trauma, it’s time to set concrete boundaries and expectations. She’s either 100% in to work on the marriage, or it’s time to file.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Hecsan1998 said:


> Yes unfortunately she doesn’t believe she needs therapy. She does not she has trauma she is still going through, but for some reason isn’t willing to get the help. They believe that faith can fix everything, but she needs to put in the work on her own too and she hasn’t done that.


Faith definitely helps, and if she can have some prayer and ministry that would help tremendously. Most of the people I know who were abused have had that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

OnTheRocks said:


> There's someone else. Spouses don't just walk away from a young family without a perceived safety net unless there is some kind of serious toxicity.


I believe she has taken the children with her.


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## OnTheRocks (Sep 26, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> I believe she has taken the children with her.


Per the usual, at least in the west. She's still ditching the family.


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## Annonymous Joe (9 mo ago)

Hecsan1998 said:


> She went through sexual abuse at an early age. She also lived in a household where her parents were on and off again due to her dad drinking and being emotionally abusive. Parent fights were a norm in her house and her dad was in and out of jail. She fears the same is going to happen to her so that is one of the reasons she left. Our last argument my daughter told me to stop yelling at her mom which triggered her to leave. Granted no one was yelling, but in a 3 year olds eyes it was. I have gotten a lawyer and my ex and I are on the same page of 50/50 custody and are in the process of getting it all worked out.





Hecsan1998 said:


> Yes unfortunately she doesn’t believe she needs therapy. She does not she has trauma she is still going through, but for some reason isn’t willing to get the help. They believe that faith can fix everything, but she needs to put in the work on her own too and she hasn’t done that.


Good luck and stay strong. One day at a time.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

This is tragic!
A wife that just bails out, nuking a family of two kids!
Mind boggling!
It doesn't make sense!

@Hecsan1998 do you think there is someone else involved? and if no are you sure %100 about that?!


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Kaliber said:


> This is tragic!
> A wife that just bails out, nuking a family of two kids!
> Mind boggling!
> It doesn't make sense!
> ...


I believe there is someone else because it’s been to easy for her. She also posted on her social media story that she is “single and ready to get nervous around anyone she finds attractive”.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Hecsan1998 said:


> he also posted on her social media story that she is “single and ready to get nervous around anyone she finds attractive”.


So, basically, you're not losing much as far as your so-called wife is concerned. She just left and she's already trawling for booty on social media. Yuck. Totally skanky behavior.


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## Kaliber (Apr 10, 2020)

Hecsan1998 said:


> I believe there is someone else because it’s been to easy for her. She also posted on her social media story that she is “single and ready to get nervous around anyone she finds attractive”.


Ok now things are becoming more clear!
@Hecsan1998 my man.. I know how this truly hurts, you did nothing wrong and you got screwed! 

You must be very hurt and angry!
Channel that anger to work on yourself to be the best version of you!
Show her that she lost the best man she will ever have!
Hit the gym, get that physic, build your career, start volunteer work and have a purpose in your lifer.... and be the best father for your kids... never look back!
You will get passed this, you deserve better!


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

Kaliber said:


> Ok now things are becoming more clear!
> @Hecsan1998 my man.. I know how this truly hurts, you did nothing wrong and you got screwed!
> 
> You must be very hurt and angry!
> ...


thank you


Kaliber said:


> Ok now things are becoming more clear!
> @Hecsan1998 my man.. I know how this truly hurts, you did nothing wrong and you got screwed!
> 
> You must be very hurt and angry!
> ...


thank you needed this!


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Hecsan1998 said:


> I believe there is someone else because it’s been to easy for her. She also posted on her social media story that she is “single and ready to get nervous around anyone she finds attractive”.


You’re both (you and your wife) sounding desperate. You’re desperate to hang onto her, and she’s desperate to throw herself at men. Neither is a good foundation for raising kids!!! Bad vibes all around.

Make sure you save any social media stuff like what she’s posted. Don’t confront her on it or she’ll block you.

Slow down the therapy. Seeing therapists so many times a week won’t allow anything to sink in. And how can you afford it? Work on becoming more independent.

Finance. How are they?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Hecsan1998 said:


> I believe there is someone else because it’s been to easy for her. She also posted on her social media story that she is “single and ready to get nervous around anyone she finds attractive”.


And there it is. OP you need to file for divorce NOW.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Where did he say that?





Hecsan1998 said:


> Sexting affairs? Nothing like that ever happened not once did I cheat. I think you’re confused


You are both correct. I confused you with a different poster in the same situation. Apologies.

Re-read. You're 24? Assuming she is similarly aged? 

Those who marry between 20-25 have about a 60% divorce rate.There is a reason the stats for those married under age 25 aren't that great.The human brain doesn't fully mature until +/- 25 when the amygdala and the prefrontal cortex finally connect. Before this time the young human is making decisions based on emotion. 

The two of you chose life partners before your brains were done maturing. Now that she's aged a bit, gained some real life experience, and her brain is done baking she's realized this isn't what she wants and has left the marriage.

Let her go.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Hecsan1998 said:


> I believe there is someone else because it’s been to easy for her. She also posted on her social media story that she is “single and ready to get nervous around anyone she finds attractive”.


This is code for, “I’m ready to dump my trauma problems onto the next unsuspecting guy, but if he starts asking questions like my previous husband and would like something better than starfish sex, I will move onto the next guy, and the next, and the next…”

what she doesn’t get is that she really wants a simp. She wants a doormat. Someone to do all of the husband duties for her, but she doesn’t want to give anything in return. Problem is she isn’t attracted to simps. She is attracted to men. Men won’t put up with her bullsh1t so they will move on. Then she’ll sit there and wonder, “where have all the good men gone?”


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

MJJEAN said:


> You are both correct. I confused you with a different poster in the same situation. Apologies.
> 
> Re-read. You're 24? Assuming she is similarly aged?
> 
> ...


Easily done isnt it.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> Easily done isnt it.


Husband and I just quit smoking. My brain is so foggy these last 8 days. I can't wait til I can think again.


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## Hecsan1998 (7 mo ago)

I just came back from a week vacation where I went to clear my mind. I went to pick up the kids for the day and my wife was smiling and staying things like “you look good”. Maybe it doesn’t sound like much, but this has been a complete 180 from before I left. I feel like she can sense I’m distancing myself and being indifferent. My priority now is myself and my kids, but I’d be lying if I didn’t see some hope left. What should I think of her saying that?


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Hecsan1998 said:


> Yes, I’m only 24.


I'm 50.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Hecsan1998 said:


> I just came back from a week vacation where I went to clear my mind. I went to pick up the kids for the day and my wife was smiling and staying things like “you look good”. Maybe it doesn’t sound like much, but this has been a complete 180 from before I left. I feel like she can sense I’m distancing myself and being indifferent. My priority now is myself and my kids, but I’d be lying if I didn’t see some hope left. What should I think of her saying that?


You should think that her prospects aren't panning out the way she thought they would so she is throwing you an anchovy to keep you on the line. Don't fall for the cheap stuff.


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## GG1061 (Apr 20, 2021)

Hecsan1998 said:


> I just came back from a week vacation where I went to clear my mind. I went to pick up the kids for the day and my wife was smiling and staying things like “you look good”. Maybe it doesn’t sound like much, but this has been a complete 180 from before I left. I feel like she can sense I’m distancing myself and being indifferent. My priority now is myself and my kids, but I’d be lying if I didn’t see some hope left. What should I think of her saying that?


Best idea t keep your yourself and your kids as your priority. She played her hand. I would seriously doubt anything she says or signals at this point. Yes, there is some sucker out there who will **** himself into being a stepdaddy to an infant and a 3-year old but most men out there will only see her as a fun ride. It will be interesting to see if she rides the carousel to find that out or will come to that conclusion before she heads down that path.


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