# Separated for two months...



## funlovingdad (Jan 6, 2010)

...and hating it. I can go on with my day and be normal but I'm constantly thinking about her. We used to e-mail back and forth pretty much all day. It was the way we communicated because we have two young children that take up most of our time when we get home from work...leaving little for us. 
I want to e-mail her and just chat about little non-important things but I know I would just be bugging her then. I want to call her and tell her I love her and I don't want to be without her any longer. But she knows all of this already.
I want her to have her space but when she says things like "I don't see an 'us' anymore" and "I don't plan on coming home" it just hurts. 
Just felt like venting. I don't really post on here anymore since she found out about this site and read all of my posts. But she knows how I feel and that I want her back. Nothing I write on here would be news to her.

Did I mention I hate this?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I hear you - just letting you know you aren't alone...


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

I completely understand what you are saying  I am on day 3 and even thou we have had hard times he was my best friend and I am finding myself wanting to text him about just silly things....I haven't but I really want to


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

The logic on this is simple. Getting your heart to agree with the logic is where the pain comes in.

Do you want to be with someone that doesn't want to choose you?

The only thing that you have control over under these circumstances, are your emotions. Although that takes some learning too.

You may grow angry and resent her. That's ok. That's actually good.

Some time in an unforeseen future you will forgive her ... you may, although not directly, even thank her.

You will most certainly come to recognize, that you don't need her.


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## funlovingdad (Jan 6, 2010)

Deejo said:


> The logic on this is simple. Getting your heart to agree with the logic is where the pain comes in.
> 
> Do you want to be with someone that doesn't want to choose you?
> 
> ...


I already know I don't NEED her. I've proven that to myself the way I'm running a house by myself now. But I want her in my life. She is my wife and I love her. I can only control my actions and emotions but I can also pray that she sees that she had a good marriage.

But you are correct, I wouldn't want someone as my wife that would flinch when I tried to kiss her, etc. There has to be passion and emotion on both ends and right now it is only one-sided.


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## ERR71 (May 6, 2010)

I am going through the same exact predicament. My wife wanted/needed space. It took me forever, but I am finally giving it to her. All I can say is keep your faith and hope for the best. I, like you, do not want to end my marriage. I miss talking to her and seeing her. Hopefully this will let you know that you are not alone. When you do see her, act as if you are happy as hell to see her. Do not bring up anything about the separation and have normal conversation. I have seen a small change in my wife by doing this. Her anger seems to be decipating. It is a great feeling, but I know we have a ways to go.


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## stbxhmaybe (Apr 29, 2010)

That's the best way to handle this ERR, to keep living your life the best you can. Remember if we all show them how hurt we are, and how our life seems empty, instead of attracting them, they will reject us. 

There is a reason why they fell in love with us, why they married us, and if we were at fault, why they separated us because we used to be different. If we need to work on ourselves, we should not pretend we are different, but really make a change in our lives look at our flaws and try to work on them. 

It's been just 5 weeks since our separation and I haven't seen any change, it is still premature though. Now I can say that I am feeling more alive than in the last 2 years we were together, after marriage I got into a state of passiveness, numbness because I had everything I wanted in life and at the same time I stopped paying attention to life itself.

Remember this, "Stop and smell the roses", even in our darkest hours there is hope, hope to change, hope to reconcile, and always, no matter what happens, our main goal should be to be happy and not to be afraid of living our lives alone or accompanied. Believe me our attitude is the one that dictates our lives, and if we have a good attitude towards life, we may even make our wives to fall in love again OR not but at the end we are going to taste life, sense life and live our lives.


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