# Heartless Cheating Wife



## Count Mack

Well I am new here, Just found this site last night and thank god i did. last night was the first time my WW spent the night at her boyfriends, unapologetically i might add. 
Here it goes.

We have been married for 8 years, together for 20. I'm 47 she is 42. We were both married before and each have a grown child form our previous marriages. We also have 2 children together, 3 & 13. 
Our life seemed good, nice house, nice cars, good kids, no $ problems, families got along well. We, like every married couple fought, but nothing serious. Sometimes not enough sex, sometimes plenty. 
I own my own business and she is a stay at home mom. She has always been very concerned about her looks and 1.5 yrs ago convinced me to spring for a mommy makeover (boobs, stomach, etc.) 
we flew to Miami to get it done by a well known PS, stayed in a nice hotel for 10 days recovery and everything was great. 

Fast forward to Christmas 2017 
One of my clients invited me and my WW to their Christmas party as they do every year. This time my wife saw a man she knew and went over to talk to him for an hour or so. It was at that time she took his number/card. He works from home so it had his home address on it. One night about a week later she said she had to go to the store, turns out she went to his house, next night the same thing. 
Both times came home and had sex of some sort or other. even the week previous lots and lots of sex. too much sex to be normal and when she spoke to me had an undertone of anger. secretive cell phone and ipad, etc. I had a sick feeling that something was up so it's Friday morning and I'm in the office and i look up her cell records, shows text to a number for and hour or so after she gets home and before we have sex and also first thing in the morning. I punch the number into the browser and it comes up with a name and address near my office. I am sick to my stomach but as i sit there i am saying to myself no way, no way would she ever do something like that. I say to myself, what the hell it's nearby, i'll drive over and take a look. so I do, get there and her car is in the driveway, I call her cell, no answer. call again and she answers angry, i say "what r u doing" she says she is at home cleaning up the house, I say thats funny cause i am at this location and your car is here. She hangs up, i get out of my vehicle and walk into the house. She is sitting in a chair and her AP is standing there saying this is not what it looks like we are just talking. I freak, yell some and after a few min leave disgusted, heartbroken, intent on being done and divorced.
I spend the next 3 days in a state of uncontrollable sadness. So out of it, crying non stop that i cant stay there around the kids. So 2:30 in the morning I take off and drive around for a couple days, talking to my brothers in law who are very supportive and can't understand it. 
I finally come to the conclusion that if she wants to work it out i will do my part to keep the family in tact. So the day after i get back we go to MC. She tells me that she was just talking and he was a good listener and she felt a connection to him and could see it going further but wanted to save our marriage. For 2 months we are in MC. the first few weeks she is saying she needs space and we have no sex. MC is going no where and she is more secretive than ever however sex is back. I know, i can feel it's still going on. Even though the sex is back she is very distant. I tell her i think she is seeing him, she denies and says i'm crazy. My therapist tells me that if i really want to know to hire a PI, then i would know if i was right or crazy, and if crazy we could work on it. 
It took 3 days to catch her and AP together. I confront her in MC and she denies, i pull out the photos and she gets angry and then breaks down crying. not admitting anything though. MC asks what i want and i say divorce, she says the same. 
It has been 2 weeks since that day in MC. I spend most of my days crying uncontrollably while she walks around the house like everything is roses. She will not speak about anything regarding the A or D.
3 days ago we talked about splitting up the assets, custody, mediation. She is very manipulative, i'm seeing that now, so i don't trust anything she says. I have hired a Lawyer and he prepared the divorce papers, I have been holding off thinking mediation is the way to go but last night with her spending the night at his house without showing a bit of compassion for how that makes me feel is astounding to me. She came home at 7:30 this morning and said good morning with a smile, I mouthed FU to her, and quietly told her it would be nice if she just moved out, she will not. She is cruel and self centered and thinks she is entitled to this A. I am getting more angry as i type. Tomorrow I am filing for divorce. 

Sorry for the Ramble but i need to do it. 

Any help in putting this BS behind me would be greatly appreciated.


----------



## Lostme

It is going to be hard to get over this with her still there and flaunting her affair.

I do not see mediation working for you, as she is to shallow and to entitled better to go ahead a file so that you will know which of you will get to keep the home, unless you had it before marriage.

She does not want to fix this that is evident, it is going to be hard but you need to start doing the 180 and stick to your guns about everything. You also need to blow up the affair to everyone you know, if you haven't already.


----------



## VladDracul

What state are you in Count? Don't plan on kicking her out, or anything like that. It won't work without a court order. What will work is making her life as miserable as possible, cut off the money to her with a small allowance, inviting loud and rowdy friends over at midnight, move your stuff to another room in preparation for a contractor to "remodel" the bedroom, etc. You may get lucky and have someone break in and steal her jewelry and a couple of your things, get your car from his house, et cetera.


----------



## Evinrude58

Damn dude, she was just talking!!!??

Sorry bro. Just realize it will take some time and that's there really are a whole lot of women out there. The only reason this one matters is because YOU give her all this value. Stop.
Accept that she sucks as a person.

Move on and be happy again. It's not nearly as hard as you think it is now.


----------



## Count Mack

I live in NY. 
It is just a f-ing slap in the face. I cannot fathom disregarding someones feelings as she is doing. It is mind blowing

She would love to live in the house and keep this charade going for 5 more years (she has said this). And i was more than willing to do mediation which would've given her at least some of that. 

At this point I am going to file and let the chips fall where they may. 

I can always make more money; I can never buy more time.


----------



## Count Mack

And i went back through all the bank statements for the last 12 months and averaged groceries, gas & school. $550 a week, that is all she is getting now, was $1k. we'll see if that hurts at all


----------



## Marc878

Stop the crying in front of her. It makes you look weak and silly while her other man stands tall and strong. 

Hard 180 no contact immediately. Never answer a phone call directly and only reply by texts if related to business or divorce with short answers.

Full exposure if you haven't. This will get you some closure and things off your chest. Without warning. Let them deal with it. 

Move her stuff out of YOUR bedroom. Take of your wedding ring. Move on to divorce full force.

You can't fix her but you'd better get yourself out of infidelity.

Go out with friends, family, join a gym but stay out of the house and keep yourself occupied.

She has zero repect for you. Find your own.


----------



## Marc878

You can talk till you're blue in the face but it won't get you much. Same with threats. Water off a Ducks back. Let your actions speak. 

She's planning on you doing nothing so she can continue to cake eat off you.

Better wake up!!!!!

Is the other man married? Do not make the mistake of helping hide their affair. It will get you less than nothing.


----------



## Marc878

Count Mack said:


> I live in NY.
> It is just a f-ing slap in the face. I cannot fathom disregarding someones feelings as she is doing. It is mind blowing
> 
> She would love to live in the house and keep this charade going for 5 more years (she has said this). And i was more than willing to do mediation which would've given her at least some of that.
> 
> At this point I am going to file and let the chips fall where they may.
> 
> *I can always make more money; I can never buy more time.*


you are 100% correct. Many will linger in limbo hell for years crying the "woe is me". Doing the pick me dance and trying to nice them back. That is the worst thing you can do and never works.

The ones who come out of these situations get strong quick and go their own way.

I hope you've woken up to this.


----------



## Count Mack

the crying **** in the house is over, however i need to control my anger because she appears to like it. The wedding ring has been gone for 2.5 months, i threw it in the Dbags front yard when i caught her there in January. 
If i can control the anger in front of her and be indifferent i think i can escape. 

I do not want to reconcile ever with her, just need to get to a place where I can co parent with her. 

I believe if i do whats right for me than it will be right for my kids also


----------



## BlueWoman

Sorry @Count Mack that you are going through this. I is truly amazing how cheaters can become so heartless and cruel. But it does seem to be a common thread. They rarely feel guilt about what they are doing. This isn't an easy process to go through, but in time it does get easier and better. I found the best way to grieve was to realize that the person I had loved was dead. That person just doesn't exist anymore. And the person who is your wife now, may look, smell and sound like the woman you loved, but she isn't. She is something completely different. 
The best advice I can give is get a lawyer and then follow their advice. Emotions make us do stupid things that can have long term consequences. So even if you want to do something or not do something because your STBXW is b****, do or don't do what ever the lawyer says. In the long run you won't regret it. 

I really think what you are going through is one of the hardest things to go through emotionally. It is devastating. And you need to allow yourself time to grieve. Don't turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the feelings. Feel them and mourn. Go to counseling and talk to your friends. Tell everyone what is going on. Don't do this alone, it's too hard. A lot of people will recommend going to the gym, and I have to say it's pretty good advice. If you aren't particularly active this is a really good time to start. The emotional energy can really give you a boost, and getting in shape is great for the bruised ego.


----------



## Marc878

Count Mack said:


> the crying **** in the house is over, however i need to control my anger because she appears to like it. The wedding ring has been gone for 2.5 months, i threw it in the Dbags front yard when i caught her there in January.
> If i can control the anger in front of her and be indifferent i think i can escape.
> 
> I do not want to reconcile ever with her, just need to get to a place where I can co parent with her.
> 
> I believe if i do whats right for me than it will be right for my kids also


It appears that she's getting pleasure from your discomfort. Probably enjoying the power or control she has or has had over you. Silence is golden in these situations. It's the most harmful thing you can do to someone like that. 

Gym and working out, any form of exercise will help you to control your anger etc.
Plus you can get into great shape.


----------



## Count Mack

I have been working out, hired a trainer in January, 3 times a week, i like it. The best is probably the boxing class i take twice a week. for those out there who haven't tried it you should. 
nothing better than punching someone and not getting clipped for it


----------



## curious234

record more , video all the cheating events for D. Go back to POSOMs house while the 'ithch is there in the pretense of confronting/talking again while wearing secret camera /recording device on you. Bother the posom also. Call police to complain about something - he is bothering you and coming to your house without your knowing or something. I have heard that you can file for alienation of affection in some states (against the posom - you can just ask your lawyer. Now that you are done with WW. How about telling the neighbors how nice little lady she is and what a gentleman the posom is. Hope you have already informed your folks on bothside


----------



## Count Mack

NYS is a no fault D state now so it doesn't matter that she is a cheater. Also she could try and defend it in court which would cost me more money. I am going to file under "Irretrievable Breakdown" I just have to swear that it has been broken for 6 months. Can't be defended, can't be denied.


----------



## honcho

Count Mack said:


> I live in NY.
> It is just a f-ing slap in the face. I cannot fathom disregarding someones feelings as she is doing. It is mind blowing
> 
> She would love to live in the house and keep this charade going for 5 more years (she has said this). And i was more than willing to do mediation which would've given her at least some of that.
> 
> At this point I am going to file and let the chips fall where they may.
> 
> I can always make more money; I can never buy more time.


Get filed for divorce, you can mediation still if you both choose to at a later time. NY divorce takes forever generally so the quicker you get in the system the better off you will be.


----------



## Marc878

[QUOTheE=Count Mack;17595401]I have been working out, hired a trainer in January, 3 times a week, i like it. *The best is probably the boxing class i take twice a week.*for those out there who haven't tried it you should. 
nothing better than punching someone and not getting clipped for it[/QUOTE]

Hell yes!!!!!!


Is her other man married?


----------



## Count Mack

No, he is doivorced


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Count Mack said:


> the crying **** in the house is over, however i need to control my anger because she appears to like it. The wedding ring has been gone for 2.5 months, i threw it in the Dbags front yard when i caught her there in January.
> If i can control the anger in front of her and be indifferent i think i can escape.
> 
> I do not want to reconcile ever with her, just need to get to a place where I can co parent with her.
> 
> I believe if i do whats right for me than it will be right for my kids also


Good for you! You will not have any regrets ending this. The only thing I would suggest is you tell her to get the **** out of your house...whether NOW or with a time limit, 1o days maybe. Then throw all her **** out the door.


----------



## Drumstick

CM,

Check the divorce laws in NY state again. If I'm not mistaking, adultery is grounds for an at-fault divorce there, but adultery, unfortunately, doesn't affect alimony/spousal support. What I think it does do, however, is accelerate the divorce, and therefore minimizes the necessary separation period. Plus, it her and his names go in the public record, which is worth a little, as well.


----------



## Count Mack

Unfortunately there is no way to force her out of the house without getting arrested. her name is on the deed along with mine. if she was a decent human being she would just leave, but she isn't and won't. 
If i filed for Adultery she would try and defend which would cost more $. I would rather just do the no-fault. there is no waiting period if i file under that clause, just the amount of time it takes to work the the distribution of assets. **** her i dont want to drag this out, im going to move on as fast as i possibly can


----------



## sokillme

Did you expose to everyone?

Sadly women like you wife are pretty common now a days. Your marriage is dead, you wife is an *******. Put her out to pasture and get the best deal you can get. Expose her for what she is and move on she has.

Tell her family and her kids. Don't let her have the fairy tale.


----------



## freshpl

you need to do 180 as others said.


----------



## Count Mack

I don't want to be a gossip and tell everyone. I just tell people that I know will tell everyone else. My and her whole family knows, our 2 older kids know (23&24). Selected friends and loudmouths. wont take long


----------



## Count Mack

And i am telling myself repeatedly that the women in my house is not wife, a stranger has replaced her. my wife is gone, dead, whatever. the women there at the house is no one. a babysitter, i will treat her accordingly


----------



## curious234

hope the grown up two kids are on your side. boob jobs etc in 40s - replete with affairs and divorces. she was getting ready to stray as early as when she wanted plastic


----------



## stixx

sokillme said:


> Did you expose to everyone?
> 
> Sadly women like you wife are pretty common now a days. Your marriage is dead, you wife is an *******. Put her out to pasture and get the best deal you can get. Expose her for what she is and move on she has.
> 
> Tell her family and her kids. Don't let her have the fairy tale.


If he exposes, she will go ballistic and he'll end up in an expensive and highly litigated court battle which he will lose.

There is zero point in exposing if he's divorcing anyway.

BTW I agree that going the nofault route and trying to get this done by mediation is your best course of action at this time. 

Consider seeing a mediator before either one of you get caught up in the attorney trap from which there is usually no escape until most of your money has been spent on legal fees with nothing to show for it.

Other than divorce related matters and matters related to the children or whatever is necessary to maintain the home, do not speak to her about anything. Absolutely no conversations of a personal nature.

Consider moving out and getting your own place. Contrary to what people may think it does not mean you are "abandoning" her and it doesn't give her any more legal standing, but it does get you out of a bad situation. Maybe make it part of the mediation agreement. She'll get occupancy of the house and custody anyway, unless she agrees otherwise.


----------



## Count Mack

She can go as ballistic as she wants. i hope her head (and boobs) explode. I already retained an attorney. $10k. even if we can pull off the mediation i want him looking out for me. I do not want an adversarial divorce but she is a lying sack of **** so i will not take my chances on mediation alone.


----------



## Bibi1031

The anger is what is making you take action (anger is necessary). Your only mistake is getting nasty in front of her. Don't do that anymore. Fake indifference til you feel it. Indifference is the opposite of love, hate/anger is not what she needs to witness from you, but what propels you to get rid of her nasty, cheating ass!


----------



## Drumstick

As a babysitter, you may want to pay her accordingly. For the time being, take over the bill paying and grocery shopping, and cut that $550/week down to something along the lines of $200 per. Unfortunately many WWs will take the money you are giving and spending it on themselves, or the affair partner, anyway. So, take over that responsibility. Consider taking away her vehicle if it is in your name. She can use public transportation, or taxis, from her salary as a babysitter. If the kids need to be taken somewhere, you either do it, or arrange others to do it for you. Calmly, yet stoically, treat your relationship like an employment contract, you write the terms of that contract, and don't tell her the terms. This is about you now. As an ancillary, this may help get her out of the house.


----------



## sokillme

Bibi1031 said:


> The anger is what is making you take action (anger is necessary). Your only mistake is getting nasty in front of her. Don't do that anymore. Fake indifference til you feel it. Indifference is the opposite of love, hate/anger is not what she needs to witness from you, but what propels you to get rid of her nasty, cheating ass!


Yeah use it for a little while. People like you wife are worth less then nothing as far as relationships go. Sit back and watch her burn out, in the end it won't be pretty. Hopefully by that time you will have moved on a better more honorable person.


----------



## stixx

Count Mack said:


> She can go as ballistic as she wants. i hope her head (and boobs) explode. I already retained an attorney. $10k. even if we can pull off the mediation i want him looking out for me. I do not want an adversarial divorce but she is a lying sack of **** so i will not take my chances on mediation alone.


I get that you're angry but your goal is to end this marriage as quickly and as inexpensively as you can, not to get some sort of petty revenge and teach her a lesson. 

Your attorney isn't looking out for you, your attorney is looking to drain you of as much of your assets as he or she can before settling your case. They got rent to pay too you know.


----------



## Bibi1031

stixx said:


> Your attorney isn't looking out for you, your attorney is looking to drain you of as much of your assets as he or she can before settling your case. They got rent to pay too you know.


No really. His attorney wants to get money that is true because that is his job. Some lawyers' area of expertise are indeed divorce cases and they are very good at their jobs. The really good ones get their clients what they need. Count Mack, if you know your lawyer is good at what he does, he is worth the money this divorce is going to cost you. Trust him, he is on your corner. You know for sure your WS is not!


----------



## Satya

Stoic and diplomatic.

That's what you need to be to get through this divorce. That's what your children need you to be... a rock.

It's going to be hard and you'll wonder why you always have to be the friggin' rock, but if you keep in action, keep exercising, eat well, avoid alcohol, stay hydrated.... the time will pass more smoothly for you and your kids, and they'll remember that dad handled upheaval like a pro.

She, on the other hand.... who knows. She's not your problem anymore. History on this board, however, shows that her AP will likely dump her and/or the affair will blow up and she'll have a good chance of crawling back and pretending like nothing happened. Give her no quarter. She decided to end the marriage, not you. You're just following through on what she already decided.


----------



## Mizzbak

Count Mack, sorry that you find yourself in a place like this. 

It seems to me that if you can carry on harnessing your anger, then you will get through this in the best possible way. Carry on using it to fuel the changes you need to make. Don't be afraid to share the most hurtful things with others as you have been doing on TAM - it is a bit like lancing a boil, it hurts, but needs to be done. And it makes healing a lot easier. 

Work on distancing yourself from your wife. As much as you can, carefully and thoroughly cut her out of your life like a dead branch that no longer serves any purpose. And, no matter how much she tries to damage you to demonstrate her power over you, do not sink to her level. Do not do anything that is not in line with your own values - the damage that she has done to you is great, but if you allow her to warp who you are, then she will have won. You need to keep your kids' best interests at heart - one day, they will see (and judge) the difference between your wife's behaviour and yours very clearly. 

Eventually she will be nothing more to you than a weak person that you once cared about, long ago. Imagine looking at her and feeling nothing, except perhaps mild pity. And gladness that she is no longer your wife.

(Referencing other advice on this thread, I would not recommend harassing the OM or your wife in any way - you are in the right. Your wife has broken her wedding vows and is behaving in a manipulative and deceitful manner. Why should you give her any legal points by acting in a way that could be deemed illegal or threatening?)

Again - so sorry you are here.


----------



## Drumstick

I must disagree with you, Stixx. Not all attorneys are out to drain you. Most I know, including myself, are willing to adjust service fees, or agree to flat fee arrangements, if you ask. We cannot adjust filing fees and the like. Again, you just have to understand that this is possible, and ask. We tend to be a pretty reasonable lot.

In any event, since CM has already paid the retainer, he should use at least up to that amount of services.


----------



## curious234

Yes anger in your face only harm self. Revenge served on a cold plate is good. Hope you have some way of coolly irritating the POSOM and WW. While you are at it you can discuss ways of getting custody with your lawyer (if you want)


----------



## 3Xnocharm

sokillme said:


> Did you expose to everyone?
> 
> Sadly women like you wife are pretty common now a days. Your marriage is dead, you wife is an *******. Put her out to pasture and get the best deal you can get. Expose her for what she is and move on she has.
> 
> Tell her family and her kids. Don't let her have the fairy tale.


Yep, expose her. My cheating friend's H did, and oh my god was she ever shocked and appalled! Which to me is just ballsy... she has been so far in denial about her own lack of morals that she was actually offended he did this. Its like, the magnitude of what she has done is totally lost on her. Even if it doesnt change anything, I think it needs to be done by the one being betrayed.


----------



## stixx

Bibi1031 said:


> No really. His attorney wants to get money that is true because that is his job. Some lawyers' area of expertise are indeed divorce cases and they are very good at their jobs. The really good ones get their clients what they need. Count Mack, if you know your lawyer is good at what he does, he is worth the money this divorce is going to cost you. Trust him, he is on your corner. You know for sure your WS is not!


He lives in NY. Unless his wife agrees to joint custody, the court does not have the authority to order it, which means unless she AGREES to it, he'll get visitation and she'll get primary custody, the house, child support, spousal support and half of everything he owns and there's not a damn thing even the best attorney in the whole wide world is going to be able to do about it besides bill him for a whole lotta money.


----------



## stixx

Drumstick said:


> I must disagree with you, Stixx. Not all attorneys are out to drain you. Most I know, including myself, are willing to adjust service fees, or agree to flat fee arrangements, if you ask. We cannot adjust filing fees and the like. Again, you just have to understand that this is possible, and ask. We tend to be a pretty reasonable lot.


 @Drumstick

In my experience, divorce attorneys are incompetent, greedy, selfish, and lazy. They know the system is rigged and they know that in the case of a noncustodial parent client, there is very little they can do for him (or rarely, her) because of the way courts award child support and custody to the primary parent- in most- not all- states, but definitely in the state the original poster currently resides. They know if their client is the custodial parent- usually the woman, that they can light a fire under her ass by telling her how much money she can get out of her exhusband and why she's entitled to every penny she can get out of him, even if it means limiting his access to his own children. 



Drumstick said:


> In any event, since CM has already paid the retainer, he should use at least up to that amount of services.


Or, he could mediate, and ask the attorney to refund the unused retainer.


----------



## curious234

stixx said:


> He lives in NY. Unless his wife agrees to joint custody, the court does not have the authority to order it, which means unless she AGREES to it, he'll get visitation and she'll get primary custody, the house, child support, spousal support and half of everything he owns and there's not a damn thing even the best attorney in the whole wide world is going to be able to do about it besides bill him for a whole lotta money.


Not the house unless she can pay for it


----------



## stixx

curious234 said:


> Not the house unless she can pay for it


This is not correct. As the primary custodial parent, she will likely be awarded exclusive use of the marital residence, and she will fill out a net worth statement that lists the expenses of running the house, everything from the mortgage to the landscaper and will make an argument that she needs spousal maintenance from him to pay those ongoing costs. 

Now he may make a claim for his half of the value of the equity in the home but usually that's offset by her not getting as much of his 401k or other pension or retirement fund. 

If there is no other offsetting equity then she may make an application to the court to stay in the home until the children are no longer minors. Again, at his expense of course. Then, in 10 years or whenever the children are older, she can be legally forced to sell the house or buy out his half of the equity. 

But no matter how you slice it, she ends up with the house -at least for the foreseeable future- and he ends up lucky to put a roof over his own head and food on his plate.


----------



## Bibi1031

stixx said:


> He lives in NY. Unless his wife agrees to joint custody, the court does not have the authority to order it, which means unless she AGREES to it, he'll get visitation and she'll get primary custody, the house, child support, spousal support and half of everything he owns and there's not a damn thing even the best attorney in the whole wide world is going to be able to do about it besides bill him for a whole lotta money.
> 
> 
> Or, he could mediate, and ask the attorney to refund the unused retainer.



This is pretty standard in most states, but that in no way changes the fact that many good divorce attorneys can and will get their clients what most want and are lawfully able to attain. Don't under estimate the power of a good attorney who is very experienced in divorces.



> "Or, he could mediate, and ask the attorney to refund the unused retainer."
> 
> ...and leave him to fend for himself with the barracuda of a wife he has!:surprise::surprise::surprise:
> 
> Please don't do it Count Mack.


----------



## stixx

Bibi1031 said:


> This is pretty standard in most states, but that in no way changes the fact that many good divorce attorneys can and will get their clients what most want and are lawfully able to attain.


As I said, that has not been my experience and from what I've read of the countless stories of others, attorneys know there's only so much they can do for all practical purposes and in many or most divorces they increase the conflict by giving their clients unrealistic expectations which has the effect of setting the bar so high that reasonable settlement becomes impossible, even if the court ultimately divides things up the way the parties would have settled before 2-3 years of expensive legal conflict has transpired.


----------



## Count Mack

The Law in NY is that Spousal support for marriages under 15 yrs is 15-30% of the duration of the marriage. for me that would be 1.5-3 years. I asked my Lawyer the worst case scenario and he tells me $70k a year for both. in 2 yrs that drops to $28k for CSP. If that is what it takes to get out from under her then that is what it takes. I don't believe she would want the kids all the time so the worst case would be liberal visitation. 
I asked 6 attorneys i know for a recommendation and they all gave me the same name so i hired him. My lawyer gives seminars to other divorce lawyers. I also interviewed 3 other top D lawyers in my are so she can't even talk to them. 
I trust him. and i will do what he says. no cost is great enough for me not to do this. I will start completely over if i have to. I am not afraid


----------



## Count Mack

She cannot pay for it, even with the max alimony


----------



## stixx

Those numbers sound about right and there's not much an attorney can do one way or another, so have those numbers in mind when the possibility of settlement arises, either though negotiation or mediation. 

As far as custody goes, it appears that you have accepted that you will be a noncustodial parent with visitation, which is typically every other weekend and an evening during the week, and a couple of weeks during the summer along with half of school vacations. Perhaps use that as a "lowest level" of what you will accept and see if you can get her to stipulate to more.


----------



## Count Mack

She told me that she wanted equal time for custody. 50%. but she is a lying **** so we"ll see. 
Also I dont think the custody will be ordered, it will be negotiated. and if she plays around with the courts over it they will interview my 14 yr old boy and he will choose basically who he wants to live with. and more than likely that will be me which means i get the house.


----------



## stixx

Count Mack said:


> She told me that she wanted equal time for custody. 50%. but she is a lying **** so we"ll see.
> Also I dont think the custody will be ordered, it will be negotiated. and if she plays around with the courts over it they will interview my 14 yr old boy and he will choose basically who he wants to live with. and more than likely that will be me which means i get the house.


If you are certain that your 14 year old will choose you to live with then you are in a very good position to negotiate. Even if you can't be sure, then neither can she, and that's probably enough for her to think twice about letting the courts decide.


----------



## Drumstick

threadjack

Stixx,

I don't know your background. However, it sounds like it didn't end well for you. Nevertheless, just because your experience with divorce attorneys wasn't positive, doesn't mean it won't be positive for another person.

You are correct in that in some states the division is pretty much set in stone. I'm not barred in NY, so I'm not sure about the statutes there. Nevertheless, there is still much room for the divorce attorney to argue the statutorily defined splits. Sometimes these motions are a crapshoot, and at other times they are not, because of the judge. I've read a BS here (or maybe it is LS) who has a friend that is a female divorce judge in Florida that makes the wife go out get a job, if she didn't have one, and pay their own way, to make up the differential. In this instance, the judge looks at education and prior experience, to set a level of self-suffiency and then decides on spousal support. If I am not mistaking, this judge even told an ex-wife that got fired from her job, and was seeking an adjustment, too bad. Go find another job and tighten your belt. So, using an attorney, and the court system, can be positive. That is, one's experience may differ depending on where you live, whom is your attorney, and your judge.

This is all I am going to say on this.

End of thread jack.


----------



## Drumstick

Glad to hear you got an educated bulldog, CM. Trust what he has to say, and remove this demon from your life. Read up on the 180, and greyrocking. Be the strong, sane, leader your children need you to be. I'm happy that you got your anger and are getting out of infidelity.


----------



## curious234

it says marriage is the bed rock of society and also the economy. why is the law is so lapse on adultery which destroy marriages


----------



## VFW

Count Mack said:


> The Law in NY is that Spousal support for marriages under 15 yrs is 15-30% of the duration of the marriage. for me that would be 1.5-3 years. I asked my Lawyer the worst case scenario and he tells me $70k a year for both. in 2 yrs that drops to $28k for CSP. If that is what it takes to get out from under her then that is what it takes. I don't believe she would want the kids all the time so the worst case would be liberal visitation. I asked 6 attorneys i know for a recommendation and they all gave me the same name so i hired him. My lawyer gives seminars to other divorce lawyers. I also interviewed 3 other top D lawyers in my are so she can't even talk to them. I trust him. and i will do what he says. no cost is great enough for me not to do this. I will start completely over if i have to. I am not afraid


You are light years ahead of most people in your situation as her super selfish behavior has allowed you to see her for what she truly is and not tempted to false reconcile for 2-3 years only to get where you are today. You have protected your finances and legal status, which again puts you way ahead of the game. You also know what she is going to do to get her way and that is to bait you into an argument and tempt you to do something stupid. DON'T let her do that to you, have a plan of how to disengage. I found that the more calm I became the more upset my ex became and I gained the upper hand. Remember that you are going to go through a plethora of emotion and will have good days and bad days. You will have days that you lament the relationship that you once had with her. Those days will return in time, just not with her. Keep going with the exercise routine, it will help with the stress and make a happier you. Set days for just you and the kids, this will ease them into the date when the family will disband. Don't get to sentimental on the house, it is a business decision, if it make sense then keep it, if not then sell it. Hang tough you are headed on the right course.


----------



## stixx

curious234 said:


> it says marriage is the bed rock of society and also the economy. why is the law is so lapse on adultery which destroy marriages


Marriage is no societal bedrock regardless of what or who "it" is that says so.

The law does not consider adultery in most jurisdictions because it's simply not practical, there aren't enough resources in the court system as it is, let alone if every single divorce case that was the result of cheating that was analyzed to such an extent that the infidelity could be accurately quantified in some meaningful way.


----------



## Sparta

OP so you was able and willing to talk you about the divorce. She's a real piece of ****. Hang in there buddy. If you feel like it, could you elaborate on how the discussion went over her or was she happy to because that means being with her new man. buddy I hope she gets hers.


----------



## arbitrator

Count Mack said:


> Well I am new here, Just found this site last night and thank god i did. last night was the first time my WW spent the night at her boyfriends, unapologetically i might add.
> Here it goes.
> 
> We have been married for 8 years, together for 20. I'm 47 she is 42. We were both married before and each have a grown child form our previous marriages. We also have 2 children together, 3 & 13.
> Our life seemed good, nice house, nice cars, good kids, no $ problems, families got along well. We, like every married couple fought, but nothing serious. Sometimes not enough sex, sometimes plenty.
> I own my own business and she is a stay at home mom. She has always been very concerned about her looks and 1.5 yrs ago convinced me to spring for a mommy makeover (boobs, stomach, etc.)
> we flew to Miami to get it done by a well known PS, stayed in a nice hotel for 10 days recovery and everything was great.
> 
> Fast forward to Christmas 2017
> One of my clients invited me and my WW to their Christmas party as they do every year. This time my wife saw a man she knew and went over to talk to him for an hour or so. It was at that time she took his number/card. He works from home so it had his home address on it. One night about a week later she said she had to go to the store, turns out she went to his house, next night the same thing.
> Both times came home and had sex of some sort or other. even the week previous lots and lots of sex. too much sex to be normal and when she spoke to me had an undertone of anger. secretive cell phone and ipad, etc. I had a sick feeling that something was up so it's Friday morning and I'm in the office and i look up her cell records, shows text to a number for and hour or so after she gets home and before we have sex and also first thing in the morning. I punch the number into the browser and it comes up with a name and address near my office. I am sick to my stomach but as i sit there i am saying to myself no way, no way would she ever do something like that. I say to myself, what the hell it's nearby, i'll drive over and take a look. so I do, get there and her car is in the driveway, I call her cell, no answer. call again and she answers angry, i say "what r u doing" she says she is at home cleaning up the house, I say thats funny cause i am at this location and your car is here. She hangs up, i get out of my vehicle and walk into the house. She is sitting in a chair and her AP is standing there saying this is not what it looks like we are just talking. I freak, yell some and after a few min leave disgusted, heartbroken, intent on being done and divorced.
> I spend the next 3 days in a state of uncontrollable sadness. So out of it, crying non stop that i cant stay there around the kids. So 2:30 in the morning I take off and drive around for a couple days, talking to my brothers in law who are very supportive and can't understand it.
> I finally come to the conclusion that if she wants to work it out i will do my part to keep the family in tact. So the day after i get back we go to MC. She tells me that she was just talking and he was a good listener and she felt a connection to him and could see it going further but wanted to save our marriage. For 2 months we are in MC. the first few weeks she is saying she needs space and we have no sex. MC is going no where and she is more secretive than ever however sex is back. I know, i can feel it's still going on. Even though the sex is back she is very distant. I tell her i think she is seeing him, she denies and says i'm crazy. My therapist tells me that if i really want to know to hire a PI, then i would know if i was right or crazy, and if crazy we could work on it.
> It took 3 days to catch her and AP together. I confront her in MC and she denies, i pull out the photos and she gets angry and then breaks down crying. not admitting anything though. MC asks what i want and i say divorce, she says the same.
> It has been 2 weeks since that day in MC. I spend most of my days crying uncontrollably while she walks around the house like everything is roses. She will not speak about anything regarding the A or D.
> 3 days ago we talked about splitting up the assets, custody, mediation. She is very manipulative, i'm seeing that now, so i don't trust anything she says. I have hired a Lawyer and he prepared the divorce papers, I have been holding off thinking mediation is the way to go but last night with her spending the night at his house without showing a bit of compassion for how that makes me feel is astounding to me. She came home at 7:30 this morning and said good morning with a smile, I mouthed FU to her, and quietly told her it would be nice if she just moved out, she will not. She is cruel and self centered and thinks she is entitled to this A. I am getting more angry as i type. Tomorrow I am filing for divorce.
> 
> Sorry for the Ramble but i need to do it.
> 
> Any help in putting this BS behind me would be greatly appreciated.


*She's about as adept at blowing mid-torso appendages as well as she is at blowing marital relationships!

What's to save? You are her Plan B! You have been ever since that breast lift and that tummy-tuck that you fastidiously financed! Crocodile tears are flowing only because she got caught with her pants down! 

Right now, you need to enlist the assistance of a good piranha family attorney in giving you your property and child custodial rights.

Also, get yourself tested for the presence of STD's as she was obviously sleeping with both of you at the same time!*


----------



## Thound

Marc878 said:


> Stop the crying in front of her. It makes you look weak and silly while her other man stands tall and strong.
> 
> Hard 180 no contact immediately. Never answer a phone call directly and only reply by texts if related to business or divorce with short answers.
> 
> Full exposure if you haven't. This will get you some closure and things off your chest. Without warning. Let them deal with it.
> 
> Move her stuff out of YOUR bedroom. Take of your wedding ring. Move on to divorce full force.
> 
> You can't fix her but you'd better get yourself out of infidelity.
> 
> Go out with friends, family, join a gym but stay out of the house and keep yourself occupied.
> 
> She has zero repect for you. Find your own.


Yes do the 180, but do it only for YOU. You don't want this trash in your life


----------



## Count Mack

Just had dinner with a friend. We haven't hung out in 5 or so years but have been friends for 25. During the course of dinner he reminded me of what a badass i used to be and how i would've handled this situation 25 yrs ago. It was eye opening. How did i as man become such a passive piece of ****? 25 yrs ago i would've beaten this AP into a comma and felt no regret. What have we done to ourselves? We forgot we are men! I will no longer take this ****. I am going to disassemble this piece of ****s life into a million pcs. I may have resources others may not but i am going to make it my mission that regrets this. Not that this is not totally my WW's fault but he is a willing participant and i will no longer stand by and be disrespected. I will not allow that ever again! Tomorrow is a new day and i am going to own all of it. God help them all


----------



## jlg07

try to sell your house quickly -- then you can get out living with her and get your own place....
Ignore her for everything she does that doesn't have to do with the kids -- DOCUMENT your interactions with the kids, the fact that she leaves for the night and YOU take care of them, etc.. Also expose her to her family, yours, kids, friends -- she needs to have SOME sort of consequences for her actions. DEF get the lawyer going ASAP and get rid of her. This level of disrespect and intentionally trying to cause you pain shouldn't be tolerated. Keep dispassionate in ALL of your discussions with her, keep a VAR on you at all times you speak with her, and try to make most/all communications go through email (and/or text) and SAVE all of them. VERY sorry you are going through this.....

EDIT: Sorry -- just got caught up -- this thread moved quickly! Sounds like you have things well in hand -- again, sorry you and your family are going through this.


----------



## Karate4lyf

So sorry for your pain. No man or woman should ever go through the pain of betrayal. It is easy for us to tell you to be strong and move on. But I know from experience it is not easy to do. I was cheated on twice. I forgave the first time. What helped me after the crying and the asking why..was getting up and going to the gym and getting out and doing things I enjoyed. I also went back to school now almost done with my Master's degree. It will get easier but it just takes time. It is her loss. 

Sent from my SM-G928P using Tapatalk


----------



## EleGirl

Count Mack,

Please check your private messages


----------



## Marc878

Count Mack said:


> Just had dinner with a friend. We haven't hung out in 5 or so years but have been friends for 25. During the course of dinner he reminded me of what a badass i used to be and how i would've handled this situation 25 yrs ago. It was eye opening. How did i as man become such a passive piece of ****? 25 yrs ago i would've beaten this AP into a comma and felt no regret. What have we done to ourselves? We forgot we are men! I will no longer take this ****. I am going to disassemble this piece of ****s life into a million pcs. I may have resources others may not but i am going to maake it my mission that regrets this. Not that this is not totally my WW's fault but he is a willing participant and i will no longer stand by and be disrespected. I will not allow that ever again! Tomorrow is a new day and i am going to own all of it. God help them all


Better get your head on straight. Other man is not the problem he was just taking what your wife was giving.

You get arrested thrown in jail you lose all custody of your kids, etc, etc etc. get really screwed in the divorce etc, etc 

Being stupid at this time is the worse thing you Can do. Go dark with the stbxw and move on. Make sure she's knows at this time she's meaningless to you. That's will hurt he ore than anything.


----------



## frusdil

Can I just say, that I find it utterly abhorrent that she is "entitled" to a dime of alimony. In cases like this, she should get nothing. Luckily in Australia, we don't have alimony.

Anyhow, OP I'm so sorry that you've found yourself in this position, I truly wish you the best and hope the divorce is smooth and swift.

I also would advise you to completely separate your finances. File for legal separation - if you have a joint bank account, remove half the funds and deposit into a new account in your name only. Have your salary paid into your account only, and have your wife's access to any of your bank accounts and credit cards removed immediately. You take over the bills and grocery shopping, give her $100 a week PIN money and she can go to hell.


----------



## Count Mack

Im smarter than that. No jail no courts. I am taking back myself from this passive just move on bs. Karma is a ***** and its coming


----------



## Marc878

I'm not sure about state laws but even with some alimony is in question if there is adultery involved.


----------



## Drumstick

In NY state, unfortunately, adultery is not a reason to for a judge to adjust, or cancel, alimony. In other states, such as Georgia and Texas, alimony can be reduced, or eliminated, altogether, if you have proof. NY state law in this regard blows, IMO.


----------



## Bibi1031

Drumstick said:


> In NY state, unfortunately, adultery is not a reason to for a judge to adjust, or cancel, alimony. In other states, such as Georgia and *Texas, alimony can be reduced,* or eliminated, altogether, if you have proof. NY state law in this regard blows, IMO.


Texas has no alimony period, but my bad ass lawyer got me spousal support for 10 years after the divorce! He was worth every penny I spent on him.


----------



## stixx

Count Mack said:


> i am going to make it my mission that regrets this. Not that this is not totally my WW's fault but he is a willing participant and i will no longer stand by and be disrespected. I will not allow that ever again! Tomorrow is a new day and i am going to own all of it. God help them all


Nice knowing ya.


----------



## curious234

what ever you do to POSOM make it within legal limits


----------



## Rubix Cubed

Count Mack said:


> Im smarter than that. No jail no courts. I am taking back myself from this passive just move on bs. Karma is a ***** and its coming


I'd give you some advice , but there is none to give. You are nailing this.Textbook handling of your situation. Stay clean and keep putting those nails in their coffin. You deserve better than her, and he did what he did knowing full well who you were. Stick it to both of them as hard as you feel you need to, just make sure you suffer no repercussions from it .


----------



## Taxman

Karma bus rarely misses.


----------



## VladDracul

Count Mack said:


> Im smarter than that. No jail no courts. I am taking back myself from this passive just move on bs. Karma is a ***** and its coming


I hope so. A friend's son did 40 days in the slammer for "confronting" his estranged wife and her boyfriend. He'll spend the next two years wearing an ankle bracelet and two after that on supervised probation, one year if his behavior is good.


----------



## eric1

VFW said:


> *You are light years ahead of most people in your situation *as her super selfish behavior has allowed you to see her for what she truly is and not tempted to false reconcile for 2-3 years only to get where you are today. You have protected your finances and legal status, which again puts you way ahead of the game. You also know what she is going to do to get her way and that is to bait you into an argument and tempt you to do something stupid. DON'T let her do that to you, have a plan of how to disengage. I found that the more calm I became the more upset my ex became and I gained the upper hand. Remember that you are going to go through a plethora of emotion and will have good days and bad days. You will have days that you lament the relationship that you once had with her. Those days will return in time, just not with her. Keep going with the exercise routine, it will help with the stress and make a happier you. Set days for just you and the kids, this will ease them into the date when the family will disband. Don't get to sentimental on the house, it is a business decision, if it make sense then keep it, if not then sell it. Hang tough you are headed on the right course.



Because he has gotten angry and stayed angry.

Anger is maligned in our society but there is a reason we humans evolved to have it. Infidelity is one time where it must be harvested and funneled. 

It allows action, inspires confidence and removes fears.


----------



## eric1

Count Mack said:


> Just had dinner with a friend. We haven't hung out in 5 or so years but have been friends for 25. During the course of dinner he reminded me of what a badass i used to be and how i would've handled this situation 25 yrs ago. It was eye opening. How did i as man become such a passive piece of ****? 25 yrs ago i would've beaten this AP into a comma and felt no regret. What have we done to ourselves? We forgot we are men! I will no longer take this ****. I am going to disassemble this piece of ****s life into a million pcs. I may have resources others may not but i am going to make it my mission that regrets this. Not that this is not totally my WW's fault but he is a willing participant and i will no longer stand by and be disrespected. I will not allow that ever again! Tomorrow is a new day and i am going to own all of it. God help them all




I agree with this as all. Many say the best revenge is a life well-lived.

Well I agree but at the same time there is one invariable fact - you don't **** with me. This dude thinks so little of you that he lied to your face and then continued to do it. Bet he had a nice giggle about that to himself.

I recently helped someone completely, utterly and legally destroy a OM. Like his life is now effectively over (lost wife and job). It was a blast. Karma sucks.

Start by finding out everything about him. Everything. Don't rock the boat at this time. I spent six months helping research this other guy. Keep one document of everything you know about him. With mine, I was able to get a key piece of information by catfishing his best friend's wife....so when I say get everything...get everything. He has something to hide.


----------



## aine

CM, what are you planning to do? I hope nothing illegal or nothing that will cause trouble for you, you do not need that right now. It is good to have found your cajones but don't be rash.


----------



## Mizzbak

eric1 said:


> I agree with this as all. Many say the best revenge is a life well-lived.
> 
> Well I agree but at the same time there is one invariable fact - you don't **** with me. This dude thinks so little of you that he lied to your face and then continued to do it. Bet he had a nice giggle about that to himself.
> 
> I recently helped someone completely, utterly and legally destroy a OM. Like his life is now effectively over (lost wife and job). It was a blast. Karma sucks.
> 
> Start by finding out everything about him. Everything. Don't rock the boat at this time. I spent six months helping research this other guy. Keep one document of everything you know about him. With mine, I was able to get a key piece of information by catfishing his best friend's wife....so when I say get everything...get everything. He has something to hide.


 @eric1 - the problem is that no-one, not even cheating OM's, exist in isolation. 

Even cheating, lying scumbags have mothers, (ex)wives, children, dogs etc. that rely on them financially. But, so long as you are convinced that the ego blast from hurting him where it did the most damage was worth it, well then, that's OK. I'm sure that he's really sorry. Just a pity about the fall-out affecting the people around him. But then that wasn't your fault, was it?

All actions have consequences. In my opinion, when "karma" picks on those who already have the misfortune of having a WS in their lives, then that really sucks.


----------



## rockon

Bibi1031 said:


> Texas has no alimony...but my lawyer got me spousal support


Um, aren't they the same thing? :scratchhead:


----------



## stixx

rockon said:


> Um, aren't they the same thing? :scratchhead:


The words are often used interchangeably and don't necessarily mean the same thing depending on the particular jurisdiction in which they are used. 

It's a matter of temporary (during divorce) versus post divorce- durational or nondurational (permanent)


----------



## Chaparral

What I can't understand is why you are paying for her gas to bang another man.


----------



## Bibi1031

The weird thing is that if her OM is single, well divorced, and lives in a place all by himself, why is she still staying and your place? 

Wouldn't they want to start building their little love nest right away? 

...on another note, the OM is not the problem, he is a temporary thing almost every time. The problem is you crummy STXW! If she could replace you and yes the kids too for this OM, what do you think is going to keep her tied up for very long with this loser? 

Forget about the loser, he will get his just desserts if he stays with the heartless cheater or he doesn't. These relationships are doomed for the simple reason that their foundation is shaky due to being based on deception. 

The best revenge is a well lived life where your STBX will be nothing but a good riddance!


----------



## Count Mack

DID IT!!!!!!!
Just left my Lawyers office and filed for Divorce, she will be served in the morning. Let me tell you, it is liberating and sickening all at the same time. 

I saw this on here somewhere (not sure who to credit but it's not mine) and it is exactly what i am going to say to her when she calls up screaming/crying/whatever, actually i will text it as i am no longer taking her calls as of 2 days ago. 

"I filed for Divorce because it is what needs to be happen, especially given your lack of remorse and continued infidelity.
I don't want you back, and i don't care whether you are angry, content, happy, sad or whatever about it."

this is some mine

"why would i want to prolong a divorce from someone who has zero respect for me and has no love for me. I want out as soon as humanly possible and this is how i am doing it."

another i found

"The bottom line is you showed me who you really are, and i believe you."

On a side note I made to appear has happy as i could this morning, whistling while getting dressed and all the way to my car. She was unhappy about it and yelled out the window that i was being a child. 
I think i am going to love the 180.


----------



## Count Mack

And you are right bibi, the OM is not the problem but the fact is he ****ed/is ****ing a married women who happens to be my wife.(STBXW) Unforgivable and unforgettable. 
I have already set those wheels in motion, by the end of the week i will know every detail about his life. and the fun will start.


----------



## Count Mack

I am going to be the MAN i used to be. The MAN i forgot i was and deep down he is still there, fighting to be released. I am going to let him run **** for awhile and see what happens.


----------



## Bananapeel

Count, your STBXWW is not worth your time/energy and either is the OM. You'll be better off just dropping it and not worrying about them. The opposite of love is apathy, not hate. I know taking action now will temporarily make you feel better, but is that the person who you really want to be?


----------



## Count Mack

It most definitely is. I'm done being the passive door mat, they say hell hath no fury like a women scorned? Bull****, wait till they get look at me.


----------



## MyRevelation

Count Mack said:


> And you are right bibi, the OM is not the problem but the fact is he ****ed/is ****ing a married women who happens to be my wife.(STBXW) Unforgivable and unforgettable.
> I have already set those wheels in motion, by the end of the week i will know every detail about his life. and the fun will start.


I wish more BH's had your testicular fortitude. 

I know that when I was where you are now just how good it felt to reclaim my old self ... I kicked myself in the ass for losing ME originally ... but the new/old me felt like I was coming home!!!! ... and if history repeats itself, your WW, friends and family will notice the difference almost immediately. Your WW's epiphany happens tomorrow.


----------



## Malaise

Count Mack said:


> DID IT!!!!!!!
> Just left my Lawyers office and filed for Divorce, she will be served in the morning. Let me tell you, it is liberating and sickening all at the same time.
> 
> I saw this on here somewhere (not sure who to credit but it's not mine) and it is exactly what i am going to say to her when she calls up screaming/crying/whatever, actually i will text it as i am no longer taking her calls as of 2 days ago.
> 
> "I filed for Divorce because it is what needs to be happen, especially given your lack of remorse and continued infidelity.
> I don't want you back, and i don't care whether you are angry, content, happy, sad or whatever about it."
> 
> this is some mine
> 
> "why would i want to prolong a divorce from someone who has zero respect for me and has no love for me. I want out as soon as humanly possible and this is how i am doing it."
> 
> another i found
> 
> "The bottom line is you showed me who you really are, and i believe you."
> 
> On a side note I made to appear has happy as i could this morning, whistling while getting dressed and all the way to my car. She was unhappy about it and yelled out the window that i was being a child.
> I think i am going to love the 180.


She knows why you filed. You have nothing to say to her.


----------



## ReformedHubby

Bananapeel said:


> Count, your STBXWW is not worth your time/energy and either is the OM. You'll be better off just dropping it and not worrying about them. The opposite of love is apathy, not hate. I know taking action now will temporarily make you feel better, but is that the person who you really want to be?


I agree with you. I'm not even sure it will make him feel better. His energy is better spent starting his new life IMO. I hate the terms alpha and beta, but to me spending a bunch of time plotting revenge and reveling in it is more of a beta move. I get exposure, but don't put too much effort into revenge, otherwise your bitterness could consume you. An alpha IMO moves on and doesn't look back. Let her see that you are happier new you that could care less what she does with her life. That shows more strength IMO....but....we're all different.


----------



## eric1

Mizzbak said:


> @eric1 - the problem is that no-one, not even cheating OM's, exist in isolation.
> 
> Even cheating, lying scumbags have mothers, (ex)wives, children, dogs etc. that rely on them financially. But, so long as you are convinced that the ego blast from hurting him where it did the most damage was worth it, well then, that's OK. I'm sure that he's really sorry. Just a pity about the fall-out affecting the people around him. But then that wasn't your fault, was it?
> 
> All actions have consequences. In my opinion, when "karma" picks on those who already have the misfortune of having a WS in their lives, then that really sucks.




He was married and the fall-out was that the wife, who was in intense therapy because of the cruel almost sadomasochistic lying and manipulation felt empowered to then end the marriage. She tried to commit suicide twice after 'finding out' but being called crazy. 

He lost a job that he went to maybe twice a week. This employer presumably found a better employee.

The truth may be painful but the only thing more painful is living a lie. The greatest disinfectant is sunlight.


----------



## sokillme

Count Mack said:


> DID IT!!!!!!!
> Just left my Lawyers office and filed for Divorce, she will be served in the morning. Let me tell you, it is liberating and sickening all at the same time.
> 
> I saw this on here somewhere (not sure who to credit but it's not mine) and it is exactly what i am going to say to her when she calls up screaming/crying/whatever, actually i will text it as i am no longer taking her calls as of 2 days ago.
> 
> "I filed for Divorce because it is what needs to be happen, especially given your lack of remorse and continued infidelity.
> I don't want you back, and i don't care whether you are angry, content, happy, sad or whatever about it."
> 
> this is some mine
> 
> "why would i want to prolong a divorce from someone who has zero respect for me and has no love for me. I want out as soon as humanly possible and this is how i am doing it."
> 
> another i found
> 
> "The bottom line is you showed me who you really are, and i believe you."
> 
> On a side note I made to appear has happy as i could this morning, whistling while getting dressed and all the way to my car. She was unhappy about it and yelled out the window that i was being a child.
> I think i am going to love the 180.


"I'm sorry I just can't be married to someone like you, I can't even be friends with someone like you. I would never forgive myself. Good luck."


----------



## Grapes

Malaise said:


> She knows why you filed. You have nothing to say to her.


Agreed - Not a word if she texts. Silence is much stronger then some text reply. Stay quiet and keep whistling while you work.

Then when she tries to engage you, if its not about kids or the D - just walk away. Dont give her the satisfaction of engaging. When you engage in Bullsh1t she will take it as you still caring. You Dont care anymore and therefore have no reason to speak to her. 

Plus less conflict could help get it done faster.


----------



## Taxman

As I am wont to say to every betrayed spouse, revenge is a dish best served cold. By all means, blow up their worlds. When they standing among the devastation, wondering what the hell they did to deserve this? You can answer; "You both chose to urinate on me, this is how I return the favor"


----------



## sokillme

Count Mack said:


> It most definitely is. I'm done being the passive door mat, they say hell hath no fury like a women scorned? Bull****, wait till they get look at me.


The best way to get back at someone who wants all the attention is to ghost not get mad an give them more attention. Treat her like she is dead.


----------



## Mizzbak

eric1 said:


> He was married and the fall-out was that the wife, who was in intense therapy because of the cruel almost sadomasochistic lying and manipulation felt empowered to then end the marriage. She tried to commit suicide twice after 'finding out' but being called crazy.
> 
> He lost a job that he went to maybe twice a week. This employer presumably found a better employee.


Indeed @eric1 - may I also enquire about the OM's best friend's wife? The one that you said you "catfished" to get useful information from. I take it that she too was a despicable human being and deserved the humiliation of being used in this manner by you and your friend?



eric1 said:


> The truth may be painful but the only thing more painful is living a lie. The greatest disinfectant is sunlight.


I do agree with you in this particular view. 
Ah - I must have misread your earlier post. I had thought that for you, this was all about revenge and that you and your friend were simply revelling in the damage that you had done to the OM. Now I understand that this is actually a moral imperative for you - forgive me. (I suspect that you and I will always differ hugely regarding the question of ends and means, though.)


----------



## TDSC60

I see a lot of anger, and at this point that is a good thing.

But do not let revenge on them consume you. That is just as destructive to you as her cheating is to your marriage.

The best revenge is indifference. Where you care nothing about what she is doing, how she is doing, where she is doing it or even who she is doing it with.


----------



## curious234

Hey how about throwing a party for your bad ass friends at your place. Yes no need to be angry. It only harm the self and may give adversaries some satisfaction


----------



## eric1

Mizzbak said:


> Indeed @eric1 - may I also enquire about the OM's best friend's wife? The one that you said you "catfished" to get useful information from. I take it that she too was a despicable human being and deserved the humiliation of being used in this manner by you and your friend?
> 
> 
> 
> I do agree with you in this particular view.
> Ah - I must have misread your earlier post. I had thought that for you, this was all about revenge and that you and your friend were simply revelling in the damage that you had done to the OM. Now I understand that this is actually a moral imperative for you - forgive me. (I suspect that you and I will always differ hugely regarding the question of ends and means, though.)




OM's best friends wife was in on the affair and deception. I didn't lose a wink of sleep leveraging that idiot.


----------



## bandit.45

Count Mack said:


> DID IT!!!!!!!
> Just left my Lawyers office and filed for Divorce, she will be served in the morning. Let me tell you, it is liberating and sickening all at the same time.
> 
> I saw this on here somewhere (not sure who to credit but it's not mine) and it is exactly what i am going to say to her when she calls up screaming/crying/whatever, actually i will text it as i am no longer taking her calls as of 2 days ago.
> 
> "I filed for Divorce because it is what needs to be happen, especially given your lack of remorse and continued infidelity.
> I don't want you back, and i don't care whether you are angry, content, happy, sad or whatever about it."
> 
> this is some mine
> 
> "why would i want to prolong a divorce from someone who has zero respect for me and has no love for me. I want out as soon as humanly possible and this is how i am doing it."
> 
> another i found
> 
> "The bottom line is you showed me who you really are, and i believe you."
> 
> On a side note I made to appear has happy as i could this morning, whistling while getting dressed and all the way to my car. She was unhappy about it and yelled out the window that i was being a child.
> I think i am going to love the 180.


Wait....

You filed today and having her served tomorrow? :surprise:

Unless you own a Tardis and can speed up time, ain't no way you could have arranged that so quickly. Most of the time we have BSs here who pull the trigger in the divorce petition and have to wait a good two weeks or so before it is ever served.


----------



## stixx

bandit.45 said:


> Wait....
> 
> You filed today and having her served tomorrow? :surprise:
> 
> Unless you own a Tardis and can speed up time, ain't no way you could have arranged that so quickly. Most of the time we have BSs here who pull the trigger in the divorce petition and have to wait a good two weeks or so before it is ever served.


Nice catch. I'd like to see this one explained.


----------



## honcho

bandit.45 said:


> Wait....
> 
> You filed today and having her served tomorrow? :surprise:
> 
> Unless you own a Tardis and can speed up time, ain't no way you could have arranged that so quickly. Most of the time we have BSs here who pull the trigger in the divorce petition and have to wait a good two weeks or so before it is ever served.


In my county most are served papers with a couple of days.


----------



## Count Mack

I signed them today, they will be filed with the court at 9am and the process server will be at my house by 12noon
I cant ****ing wait


----------



## Count Mack

Thats what you get with a $10k retainer


----------



## Count Mack

And then on thusday while she is trying to get her **** together, i'm takinga few days for me. Either in Atlantic City or the Florida Keys


----------



## Count Mack

I couldve signed filed and not had her served until i wanted, up to 120 days. F that, tomorrow. She has no idea and im going to love every minute


----------



## Count Mack

One thing i learned is that in NYS once the summons is filed with the court, financially we are legally seperated


----------



## curious234

Count Mack said:


> And then on thusday while she is trying to get her **** together, i'm takinga few days for me. Either in Atlantic City or the Florida Keys


Since she is acting so gross, she might be expecting this. So might not be emotional. Also do not act up (like in the morning) in her presence. Just keep cool and pretend like she is not there


----------



## eric1

Count Mack said:


> And then on thusday while she is trying to get her **** together, i'm takinga few days for me. Either in Atlantic City or the Florida Keys




Nice. Avoid the Trop @ AC. I used to get comp like a king there. Was there a few weeks ago and five hours at the tables the waitress came by three times and I was comped $18. This is playing $100 hands. Insane.


----------



## stixx

Count Mack said:


> One thing i learned is that in NYS once the summons is filed with the court, financially we are legally seperated


Which "probably" means you are not liable for any debt she accrues after the date of filing and of course she he not responsible for yours.


----------



## bandit.45

Count Mack said:


> And then on thusday while she is trying to get her **** together, i'm takinga few days for me. Either in Atlantic City or the Florida Keys


Don't count on her falling apart. She will probably be happy you pulled the plug. She may even have a party.


----------



## Count Mack

She's been served

stbxw showed up at my office a couple hours ago, sat in her car out front and called and called and called. I of course did not answer...she texted 

stbxw: can we talk?
me: About?
stbxw: are u kidding me?
me: no
stbxw: nevermind 
me: ok

I feel awesome, liberated. 

and Exposure this morning that they both will feel


----------



## becareful2

Is it even possible to have divorce papers drawn up so quickly? First I've ever heard of it.


----------



## Clay2013

I don't know about within a day but I had mine completed and served within three days after Christmas. So its not impossible. I didn't even find a attorney until the day after Christmas. I know most attorneys would have been out with family for the holiday but I think in my case I was just lucky. I didn't find the best attorney and in the end it turned out she was friends with my xW's mom and it caused some issues. 

If he did pay a 10k retainer nothing would surprise me. 

C


----------



## Count Mack

I hired the lawyer a couple weeks ago in the event this would happen. the divorce is boiler plate no fault. 2 signatures and done. Lawyers filed with the court at 9 am, he asked me when i wanted her served, i gave him a window of time and he made it happen.


----------



## Bibi1031

Count Mack said:


> I hired the lawyer a couple weeks ago in the event this would happen. the divorce is boiler plate no fault. 2 signatures and done. Lawyers filed with the court at 9 am, he asked me when i wanted her served, i gave him a window of time and he made it happen.


Glad you paid up and kept him for this alone, your bucks were well spent.

Now go enjoy your new life!


----------



## Tobyboy

Count Mack said:


> She's been served
> 
> stbxw showed up at my office a couple hours ago, sat in her car out front and called and called and called. I of course did not answer...she texted
> 
> stbxw: can we talk?
> me: About?
> stbxw: are u kidding me?
> me: no
> stbxw: nevermind
> me: ok
> 
> I feel awesome, liberated.
> 
> and Exposure this morning that they both will feel


Who did you expose to?


----------



## Yeswecan

Count Mack said:


> She's been served
> 
> stbxw showed up at my office a couple hours ago, sat in her car out front and called and called and called. I of course did not answer...she texted
> 
> stbxw: can we talk?
> me: About?
> stbxw: are u kidding me?
> me: no
> stbxw: nevermind
> me: ok
> 
> I feel awesome, liberated.
> 
> and Exposure this morning that they both will feel



It just got real for your stbwx.


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Count Mack said:


> She's been served
> 
> stbxw showed up at my office a couple hours ago, sat in her car out front and called and called and called. I of course did not answer...she texted
> 
> stbxw: can we talk?
> me: About?
> stbxw: are u kidding me?
> me: no
> stbxw: nevermind
> me: ok
> 
> I feel awesome, liberated.
> 
> and Exposure this morning that they both will feel


----------



## Satya




----------



## BetrayedDad

Count Mack said:


> I have been holding off thinking mediation is the way to go but last night with her spending the night at his house without showing a bit of compassion for how that makes me feel is astounding to me. She came home at 7:30 this morning and said good morning with a smile


What a vile POS this women is..... I'm just speechless and angry for you. My ex was cruel like this too. They GET OFF on it.

Strolling in from her walk of shame, couldn't be happier that she actively slooting around right in front of her husband's face.



Count Mack said:


> She's been served
> 
> stbxw showed up at my office a couple hours ago, sat in her car out front and called and called and called. I of course did not answer...she texted
> 
> stbxw: can we talk?
> me: About?
> stbxw: are u kidding me?


She just flaunted her affair essentially in your face and she's upset you are divorcing her?!? 

What the hell is there to talk about?!? You are FAR more restrained than I would be in your situation friend.



DO NOT EVER TAKE THIS WOMAN BACK. I'M WITH YOU, NO AMOUNT OF MONEY IS TOO MUCH TO GET THE HELL AWAY.


----------



## BetrayedDad

becareful2 said:


> Is it even possible to have divorce papers drawn up so quickly? First I've ever heard of it.


I filled out my divorce papers (ALL of them, not just the petition) in two hours. 

Had her sign them, drove to the court house and paid the $250 filing fee. 

No lawyer. I was divorced in less than 30 days. Best money I ever spent.


----------



## Taxman

Count Mack
We are waiting with bated breath. Did you expose her and the AP?
One hopes that once they are outed, he dumps her well used tuches. Then she can find out what being alone and the author of your own demise means.


----------



## Marc878

Count Mack said:


> And then on thusday while she is trying to get her **** together, i'm takinga few days for me. Either in Atlantic City or the Florida Keys


Hmmm, I'd do the keys. Get a tan while you're at it.


----------



## ddude23

Count Mack I am very sorry you are dealing with this. I am going through the same thing myself, cheating wife with no remorse. You are doing great so far, it will be better one day. 

Something I have noticed and wanted to know if others noticed this too. I have been on surviving infidelity reading the healing library and stories on here. *Is it just me or are the wayward wives especially cruel? Some of the stories I have read are just horrible. Is this anything due to with science or hormones? I can't be the only one that noticed this. They seem to get off on rubbing the affair in the face of their husbands.*Obviously men cheat too, I think even more. But I the cheating wives stories are just harder for me to read. I just know I'll never get married again due to this. But I will be okay one day and so will you. You've been served a **** sandwich that you weren't expecting or deserved. Get this vile woman out of your life and go for as much custody as you can get.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband

Marc878 said:


> Hmmm, I'd do the keys. Get a tan while you're at it.


Get your ass to Captain Tony's at Key West! >


----------



## Count Mack

Changed my plans. Plane leaves fo vegas at 3:10 my time . 4 days at the Venetian


----------



## Marc878

How'd the exposure go?


----------



## Marc878

Count Mack said:


> Changed my plans. Plane leaves fo vegas at 3:10 my time . 4 days at the Venetian


Get a tan anyway! Turn your phone off the whole time you're there and dont tell her where you're going.


----------



## BetrayedDad

Count Mack said:


> Changed my plans. Plane leaves fo vegas at 3:10 my time . 4 days at the Venetian


This marriage is over.... bang some hookers while your there and text the pics to your stbxw.

Cause **** her that's why.....


----------



## Sparta

OP keep us posted on what how are you doing.? Also keep us up-to-date on any developments or contact with your STBXW (nightmare from hell) 

I can't believe she had the balls to show up to your work.! I guess wanting to discuss why you filed for divorce, I am not kidding I wish you would've talk to her but I'm glad you didn't. I would've loved to hear her Insanity she would've tried explain what made her do such a horrible thing to you:surprise:... I don't know but it would've been somewhat entertaining to hear the crazy BS coming from her. But you did the right thing no doubt about it. Good job on how you're handling this so far, keep us posted


----------



## Taxman

One gets the impression that you blindsided her with the divorce. Use every means at your disposal to wreck her world. I am in agreement with Ddude et al, she seems particularly cruel, therefore, the gloves are off. As usual I have stories, one client who I have mentioned before is in your situation, and on filing, of course his STBX called and was confused as to why he wanted a divorce? He replied, I really do not want to be divorced...I want to be widowed.

This gentleman is fairly well heeled. He let slip, confidentially, that he arranged for some people to visit the AP as well, afterward, the AP called the STBX and told her that the sex was nice, but he likes his balls where they are at present. He picked up and left. The STBX gave him everything he wanted in the divorce. She realized that she was dead to him. Even visitation and child issues are handled through his secretary. He has not spoken or communicated with her in years. His staff picks up his son and delivers him back after.

PS, Count Mack: A few days at the Venetian? Have a fantastic time. Enjoy as much female company as you want. Your ex will likely become a minor consideration in your life. I am not a fan of the tables at the Venetian, I prefer the older places. I have never failed to do some damage at the Flamingo (Accountant, therefore BLACKJACK is my game)


----------



## stixx

Taxman said:


> , one client who I have mentioned before is in your situation
> 
> This gentleman is fairly well heeled. He let slip, confidentially, that he arranged for some people to visit the AP as well, afterward, the AP called the STBX and told her that the sex was nice, but he likes his balls where they are at present. He picked up and left. The STBX gave him everything he wanted in the divorce. She realized that she was dead to him. Even visitation and child issues are handled through his secretary. He has not spoken or communicated with her in years. His staff picks up his son and delivers him back after.


Don't like the part where he had some people go over and rough up the affair partner. He acts like she's dead to him and he's moved on with his life yet he goes to the trouble to interfere with the affair partner. That's rather petty if you ask me, especially given how he handled the rest of it.


----------



## Taxman

stixx said:


> Don't like the part where he had some people go over and rough up the affair partner. He acts like she's dead to him and he's moved on with his life yet he goes to the trouble to interfere with the affair partner. That's rather petty if you ask me, especially given how he handled the rest of it.


I have known this fellow for a number of years, and he was never an angry person. In business, however, it was well known not to cross him, as he would make it his personal vendetta to ruin whoever was in his cross-hairs. He basically lived the phrase, I don't get mad, I get even. Petty? Given his personality, it probably did not matter, as long as he got even.

I warned him that unlike a lawyer, I can be compelled to testify against him. Knowing him, this was not unexpected. His wife, OTOH, knew this about him, and possibly could have warned her AP off. She rolled the dice and he lost, in fact everyone lost.


----------



## Diana7

Count Mack said:


> She's been served
> 
> stbxw showed up at my office a couple hours ago, sat in her car out front and called and called and called. I of course did not answer...she texted
> 
> stbxw: can we talk?
> me: About?
> stbxw: are u kidding me?
> me: no
> stbxw: nevermind
> me: ok
> 
> I feel awesome, liberated.
> 
> and Exposure this morning that they both will feel


What did she expect you to do????


----------



## BetrayedDad

stixx said:


> That's rather petty if you ask me, especially given how he handled the rest of it.


It's pretty hard to have a "it's business nothing personal" attitude when another person is boning your spouse.

Despite how APs may feel, if you piss in another person's pool, you should expect to reap what you sow.

It's pretty hypocritical to believe otherwise. Petty? Maybe but you're comparing a bruise to a gunshot wound.


----------



## stixx

BetrayedDad said:


> It's pretty hard to have a "it's business nothing personal" attitude when another person is boning your spouse.
> 
> Despite how APs may feel, if you piss in another person's pool, you should expect to reap what you sow.
> 
> It's pretty hypocritical to believe otherwise. Petty? Maybe but you're comparing a bruise to a gunshot wound.


When I was single I'd meet most of my potential girlfriends on the dating websites. Many of them were "married but separated and divorcing".

So I was in effect "an affair partner". Who knows maybe the poor guy was home thinking nothing was wrong, and here I am thinking she's ripe for the picking because her marriage is as good as over other than the slow legal process.

Does that mean I should get beat up or threatened?

I don't think so.


----------



## eric1

stixx said:


> When I was single I'd meet most of my potential girlfriends on the dating websites. Many of them were "married but separated and divorcing".
> 
> So I was in effect "an affair partner". Who knows maybe the poor guy was home thinking nothing was wrong, and here I am thinking she's ripe for the picking because her marriage is as good as over other than the slow legal process.
> 
> Does that mean I should get beat up or threatened?
> 
> I don't think so.


Mack visited his house and threw his wedding ring on the loser's front lawn. I'm reasonably certain that he cannot plead ignorance.


----------



## BetrayedDad

stixx said:


> When I was single I'd meet most of my potential girlfriends on the dating websites. Many of them were "married but separated and divorcing".
> 
> So I was in effect "an affair partner". Who knows maybe the poor guy was home thinking nothing was wrong, and here I am thinking she's ripe for the picking because her marriage is as good as over other than the slow legal process.
> 
> Does that mean I should get beat up or threatened?
> 
> I don't think so.


Straw man argument.... OP's situation is NOTHING like that.

And yeah, I would never date a person who's divorce wasn't final.

Why the hell would you want to get sucked into that kind of drama?


----------



## MyRevelation

stixx said:


> When I was single I'd meet most of my potential girlfriends on the dating websites. Many of them were "married but separated and divorcing".
> 
> So I was in effect "an affair partner". Who knows maybe the poor guy was home thinking nothing was wrong, and here I am thinking she's ripe for the picking because her marriage is as good as over other than the slow legal process.
> 
> Does that mean I should get beat up or threatened?
> 
> I don't think so.


Opinions vary ...

You were playing a high stakes game betting that the "married but separated and divorcing" woman was being truthful with you and her H felt the same way. Many a "ass whoppin" was given/taken over much less.


----------



## stixx

MyRevelation said:


> Opinions vary ...
> 
> You were playing a high stakes game betting that the "married but separated and divorcing" woman was being truthful with you and her H felt the same way. Many a "ass whoppin" was given/taken over much less.


That's true but not really relevant to what we were talking about, which was about intent and responsibility of the other man to determine the state of a woman's marriage when he's banging her. It's not always that the guy is into stealing women away from their husbands or at the very least doesn't give a crap about the guy. He could have been led to believe anything.


----------



## stixx

BetrayedDad said:


> Straw man argument.... OP's situation is NOTHING like that.
> 
> And yeah, I would never date a person who's divorce wasn't final.
> 
> Why the hell would you want to get sucked into that kind of drama?


Because there's a lot of hot, separated women on the dating sites. Why wait what could be years for a divorce to be final and let some other guy get there first?



eric1 said:


> Mack visited his house and threw his wedding ring on the loser's front lawn. I'm reasonably certain that he cannot plead ignorance.


I don't know the specifics, that sounds like it was long after the affair started. 

If the guy was aware that the husband was being duped then it's not the situation I'm talking about. Obviously.


----------



## MyRevelation

stixx said:


> That's true but not really relevant to what we were talking about, which was about intent and responsibility of the other man to determine the state of a woman's marriage when he's banging her. It's not always that the guy is into stealing women away from their husbands or at the very least doesn't give a crap about the guy. He could have been led to believe anything.


I am definitely NOT in the "no dating while legally married camp". I'm a firm believer in being free to date as soon as you KNOW its over ... the final D decree is just a governmental formality validating to the world what I already KNEW. However, whatever the W believes/feels may not be the same as what her H believes/feels and you are putting yourself at risk by only taking HER word for it, and it doesn't matter one bit to a pissed off BH what you think.

Now, back to Mack's situation and its own fact set, the AP now has ample warning that he has crossed the line with the BH ... he can either remove himself from the drama or accept the consequences of his own actions.


----------



## stixx

MyRevelation said:


> Now, back to Mack's situation and its own fact set, the AP now has ample warning that he has crossed the line with the BH ... he can either remove himself from the drama or accept the consequences of his own actions.


That's fair.


----------



## Adiron

MyRevelation said:


> Now, back to Mack's situation and its own fact set, the AP now has ample warning that he has crossed the line with the BH ... he can either remove himself from the drama or accept the consequences of his own actions.


I've been following this story. They are getting divorced so why should the affair partner remove himself?

She's going to be single shortly and they can continue their relationship unfettered.


----------



## VFW

Count Mack said:


> Changed my plans. Plane leaves fo vegas at 3:10 my time . 4 days at the Venetian


 Outstanding job, take the next few days and unplug, enjoy, get refreshed. Let us know how things went in Vegas. There is still plenty of crazy still ahead. You will still have good days and bad days ahead, that is normal. Still you are far ahead of most folks. Enjoy!


----------



## ddude23

Affair partners are pieces of ****, just like the cheaters themselves. Of course though the cheater is the one at fault, but the affair partner is also a ****ty human being, ones that are aware the spouse is married anyway. So many single women/men in the world so really theres no excuse. But think about it like this, two pieces of **** are now together so it saves another innocent person the heartbreak. I am in the anger state as well mack. My d-day is very recent. Now is the time to be cold blooded and FIGHT. You are doing a great job so far, better than I was. 

The guy is not worth anything, neither is your wife. She is using him to play off her own insecurities because she is not an honest or caring person. She really isn't worth ****. There are much better, hotter, kinder, caring women aren't there, think of this as a favor she is doing for you. She has shown you who she is, believe her. The more pieces of **** that are together (like your wife and AP) the more innocent and loyal spouses have the chance to be together and not have to deal with this bull**** anymore. 

**** cheaters and **** affair partners and saying anything else is laughable. These types of disgusting trash deserve each other. The only thing good affair partners. *And **** that fog bull****, cheaters allow themselves to be put into the "fog" before they are even having an affair. People like my wife and yours are a piece of ****, she made it so I will probably never trust a woman again like I used to do her, but maybe that is a good thing.* Now I'll have my guard up just so I don't deal with this crap again. I truly am thinking this happening to us is just a blessing in disguise.


----------



## Taxman

stixx said:


> Because there's a lot of hot, separated women on the dating sites. Why wait what could be years for a divorce to be final and let some other guy get there first?


 Because, those so called married/separated/almost divorced ladies may still have mates, and when those mates find out about who boned their SO, they are not going to go postal on the wife (maybe the wife too), males are territorial, and consequently, he is going to seek out the penis that invaded his ground, and slice it off at the root. You may feel that you should be blameless, after all, she said she was divorced or separated or etc etc etc, but that won't be a great compensation when they are trying to sew your dead d*** back onto your body.


----------



## MyRevelation

Adiron said:


> I've been following this story. They are getting divorced so why should the affair partner remove himself?
> 
> She's going to be single shortly and they can continue their relationship unfettered.


1st point, I agree with dude (and you, I suppose) that the OM should hang in there. Let the 2 POS have each other, it keeps them from screwing up two other peoples lives.

However, 2nd point, OM stole something from Mack ... doesn't matter that WW gave it to him ... it wasn't hers to give as she'd already vowed it to Mack ... so OM owes Mack restitution ... doesn't matter whether Mack collects that restitution now, later or never ... the debt remains and IMHO there is no statute of limitations on that type of debt. Regardless of how all this plays out ... OM will owe this debt in perpetuity until Mack either waives it or collects it to his satisfaction.


----------



## Quality

Count Mack said:


> We have been married for 8 years, together for 20. I'm 47 she is 42. We were both married before and each have a grown child from our previous marriages (Ages 23 & 24). We also have 2 children together, 3 & 13.


Such an odd history. She was 22 years old when you started the relationship {you met sometime prior to that?} and you each had a 3 or a 4 year old child and you were both previously married. Then you didn't get married yourselves for 12 years after that despite having a child together 7 years into the relationship. You were 39 years old when you got married and you each had children from previous relationships, why no pre-nup?

Did your relationship/marriage begin as an affair {on one or both sides} and/or you've been through this drill before?


----------



## Dr. Stupid

stixx said:


> Because there's a lot of hot, separated women on the dating sites. Why wait what could be years for a divorce to be final and let some other guy get there first?


Because... drama?


----------



## Duke1

After 28 years of marriage and two kids I went thru similar. Wife's "mid-life" crisis and old high school flame from high school secretly met weekly while I was at work supporting family and doing what I always did. I likewise noticed an increase in sex and her desire. Come to find out it was from her getting sexually aroused while texting, face-booking, secret conversations that she had sex with me. Once the emotional affair turned into sexual affair, that all stopped. She became distant and I got the "I love you, just not in love with you anymore". We went to MC for 9 months and if the MC was critical of me all was good, but if he/she was critical of wife she wanted no more MC sessions. We separated and continued once a week MC thinking this would help. It only freed her up to be footloose and fancy free. Brokenhearted I recluse d myself from everyone except our two boys and work. I likewise found great therapy in going to gym daily. Always worked out 2 times a week, but now did it daily and really got after it. Toned up quickly. After being told from a couple of mutual friends what they were aware was going on and didn't want me to be played anymore, I filed for divorce. I own my own business and the divorce was very expensive but all she could get was half and i still got to keep half as well. Now 7 years later, I have remarried, rebuilt my life and have a wife now that completely adores me and life is good. The first 6 months is the hardest. You have to surround yourself with your kids, your friends and take care of you. Totally ignore and totally let her do whatever, whenever and cut the cancer out of your life. Don't bad mouth her in front of kids. Trust me, there are plenty of awesome women out there that have been hurt and want and need good men in their lives too. 5 years from now, it will all be better than you ever imagined. Good luck and take care of you.


----------



## Devastated Dad

Count Mack said:


> I live in NY.
> It is just a f-ing slap in the face. I cannot fathom disregarding someones feelings as she is doing. It is mind blowing
> 
> She would love to live in the house and keep this charade going for 5 more years (she has said this). And i was more than willing to do mediation which would've given her at least some of that.
> 
> At this point I am going to file and let the chips fall where they may.
> 
> I can always make more money; I can never buy more time.


You are doing the right thing. Time is really valuable and you should focus on your children now.


----------



## Quality

Tergis said:


> This is a very odd way of looking at an affair partner, who owes the betrayed partner nothing. If they feel bad about it and WANT to make things right after they find out they've both been deceived, well that's one thing, but if the guy doesn't care about Mack and correctly sees the wife as the cause of the problems, there is no debt to be paid and Mack can wait for eternity for payback or maybe he'll follow through on what he said here, and do something illegal and or maybe violent to the other man as some sort of misplaced revenge but that doesn't mean it's evening up some sort of loan.



Ahhhhh, the single OM fantasy that he's morally and ethically free to date and sleep with any married woman he chooses becauses it's not like he's married.

"misplaced revenge" won't make the likely and foreseeable blowback of knowlngly or even accidentally fooling around with a married woman hurt any less; and, though sometimes such illegalities result in some legal consequences, the system is generally pretty lenient upon betrayed husbands. I believe in Texas, you can still legally shoot a man caught in your marital bed copulating with your wife {he probably just needs to act like he was startled and didn't already know it was going on ~~ "I thought he was raping her" }. 

Buyer beware. Loan or not, the collection agency doesn't care.


----------



## BetrayedDad

I blamed my wife completely for her affair. I really didn't care what scumbag she choose to cheat on me with because if it wasn't him it would of been someone one else. He was just a tool to get her immorality off on. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of "fighting for her" by beating this guy up. (Though I did drive to his house and tell his wife she was getting cheated on). Why would a take a single punch for that witch at that point? He can keep the ho....

That said would I intervene or call the police if I saw a BS pummeling the snot out of his wife's AP?

**** no.....


----------



## VFW

BetrayedDad said:


> I blamed my wife completely for her affair. I really didn't care what scumbag she choose to cheat on me with because if it wasn't him it would of been someone one else. He was just a tool to get her immorality off on. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction of "fighting for her" by beating this guy up. (Though I did drive to his house and tell his wife she was getting cheated on). Why would a take a single punch for that witch at that point? He can keep the ho....
> 
> That said would intervene or call the police if I saw a BS pummeling the snot out of his wife's AP?
> 
> **** no.....


I too contemplated all these things I would do to POSOM, but finally came to the decision that she was the one that promised to love and honor our marriage. He did not force her, she just used him to get what she wanted and then moved on from him. Years later my father asked me whatever became of her and I told him that I didn't have the vaguest idea and you don't know how happy that makes me (my father laughed hardily).


----------



## TDSC60

I have often thought about the OM. I concluded that I could not fault him because he found my wife attractive and sexy....after all, I felt the same way. He was an immoral creep for going after a married woman, but nothing would have happened if she did not want it to happen. He put out some feelers and she encouraged him to continue. It is all her fault. He never promised me a thing, she did. He never broke a vow to me, she did. He is a POS aZZhole for what he did, but she is far worse.


----------



## drifting on

In my case the OM knew my wife and myself, didn't stop either of them from having an affair. I do know that OM has expressed fear/concern that I am biding my time before striking. I won't state my intentions here or anywhere, except to say justice comes in many forms. 

I am not an advocate for revenge or violence. I react in what is the best thing for me, and if that is revenge then I work within the capacities of the legal system. Infidelity is an invasion of your marriage, an act of war, an act that deserves a response from the betrayed spouse. Just my opinion.


----------



## Diana7

BetrayedDad said:


> Straw man argument.... OP's situation is NOTHING like that.
> 
> And yeah, I would never date a person who's divorce wasn't final.
> 
> Why the hell would you want to get sucked into that kind of drama?


I met my husband during his divorce. His wife had met another man and was divorcing him. There was no sex on our part so no adultery committed. 
We got engaged after the divorce was completed and married not long after that.


----------



## Talker67

did not read the whole thread, but let your lawyer do all the talking from here on out.


----------



## MattMatt

I dated a woman who was divorced. Or so she told me.

It turned out they were not divorced, only separated.

I'd have appreciated it if she had told me the truth.

They did, eventually, divorce, but even so...


----------



## Diana7

MattMatt said:


> I dated a woman who was divorced. Or so she told me.
> 
> It turned out they were not divorced, only separated.
> 
> I'd have appreciated it if she had told me the truth.
> 
> They did, eventually, divorce, but even so...


Yes, that was deceptive.


----------



## MattMatt

Diana7 said:


> Yes, that was deceptive.


Well, in the case of the young lady concerned, perhaps just something she did not see as important. She had some "different" views on life.


----------



## Diana7

MattMatt said:


> Well, in the case of the young lady concerned, perhaps just something she did not see as important. She had some "different" views on life.


Its pretty vital to be told if the one you are dating is single, married, divorced or getting divorced.


----------



## Edmund

what happen to Count Mac? Did he get lost in Vegas?


----------

