# My husband wants me to side with him over my son when HE is the one who is wrong!



## zbird123 (May 4, 2010)

I have two children from a first marriage and one from my current marriage. My husband has never liked my older son, and I think it is because he is jealous of the close relationship I've always had with him. He has a son from previous marriage also, who got into drugs, got arrested for drinking while driving, punched holes in the walls in our house, tore doors off the hinges, threw a knife at my husband once, broke his nose in a fight once, and finally when he was 19, went into the army. He has since gotten himself somewhat straightened out. All that time, I tried to make things work when I should have gotten my kids out of a bad situation. And all during that time, my husband would hardly do anything about all the stuff that was going on in the house. He would refuse to believe that his son was doing drugs, even when we found evidence in the house, he wouldn't say a word when his son left porn printed out on the printer.. his room was literally a pig sty, he would sleep all day and stay up all night, and my husband never said a word.

Now my oldest is 18 and my husband has nothing kind to say to him ever. My son does not do drugs, makes good grades, has gotten scholarship money for college, is bright. He is a very teasing kind of person and can be ascerbic... he teases his brother and his sister a lot, but I know that he also loves them.


My husband can be a real jerk sometimes, and he is depressed a lot and also only talks about negative things. He wants me to side with him over my son, even when I think my son is right and he is wrong. Now that my son is in the room his son had, he complains all the time how messy it is. It is not that messy... clothes and books on the floor, yes, drug paraphernalia and filth, no.

My husband got onto my son this morning because my son walked up to his sister and nuzzled her. She got irritated because she was trying to drink juice at the time. My husband accused him of wiping his nose on her. My son was just being affectionate (they are very close, she is 14). My son got embarrassed and angry and he and my husband shouted at each other as we were leaving the house.

My husband later called me and yelled at me and said that he wants to move out. He claims he doesn't know who I am anymore, that I am not his partner, that it is obvious who is number one in my life.

Frankly, I am happy for my son that he is getting ready to move far away to go to college. I will miss him and he will miss me and his siblings, but I know he can't wait to get away from my husband.

I can't help but think I would be happier and more at peace if my husband would just move out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I would be packing my husband's bags. No one treats my kids that way. Even if he was their own father, I wouldn't allow it.


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## bonbon13 (May 26, 2010)

Hi, zbird
That does suck. I am getting that your H feels guilty about the way he allowed his son to behave and is taking it out on your son. I am glad this his son has straightened out in the military. That your husband allowed his son to do pretty much anything, but condemns your son for little things? Yeah, I definitely think your husband has parental guilt issues.


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## plymouth71 (May 10, 2010)

I have an idea that may come across as sneaky but might work. You tell your son, who is 18 and nearly a man, that it would be awfully nice if he would approach your husband respectfully and ask him for some adult-world advice. You also tell your husband that you value and respect his experience and it would mean so much to you if he could impart some wisdom to your son.

This hinges on both of them loving you enough to suck up their differences and grievances for 1 hour, but I've seen people pretend to get along for the sake of someone they both care about, and come away from the experience actually liking each other.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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