# Refusing Kisses



## Fiatbrava (Apr 5, 2010)

Just wondering if any of you have avoided kissing your husband if he "goes in for the kill". Im not talking about a quick kiss on the lips but a "big" (!!!) kiss. 

Having issues with himself at the moment and we were back on track but hes gotten upset with me again becuase i didnt want a full blown kiss at that moment,,, i wasnt expecting it and to be truthful he hadnt brushed his teeth Stupid i know but we are both very vulnerable at the moment and I'm just wondering should i be always reciprocating. I have problems with touch, etc anyway and I'm trying to get it sorted - i just think maybe he should be more forgiving of me at the moment and allowing me to try and work through it. thanks


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## Q*bert (Mar 30, 2010)

Try looking at it from his side. He's trying to be romantic and loving, and you push him away. If I were him, I couldn't help but feel rejected.

That's not to say that you have to be ready to reciprocate 100% of the time. You just need to be tactful and respectful about it. Maybe say "You know, I didn't brush my teeth, so instead of kissing, I 'd rather just (fill in the blank) right now." Even if it's not the truth, it takes the blame off of him and the pressure off of you. It's a give and take. You will need to give a little back in the future.

As far as his feeling rejected, I know from experience that it is something that builds and builds inside. It doesn't go away. And it is hard to not take it personally. Do whatever you can to make him realize that the problem is "you, not him".


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## MrsHonea (Apr 12, 2010)

I totally understand, it seems like everytime i kiss my husband he goes in for the tongue... and he spits all the time like he makes to much saliva or something and alot of the time his mouth is slimey so i just give him a peck on the lips and he gets all mad.. but i dont really care if hes gonna get mad about it then he can I'm not, I have more serious things to rag about lol like him putting bones in the bedroom trash can,
So just do what is comfortable to you, dont let your husband or anyone eles tell you how you should feel.


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## Fiatbrava (Apr 5, 2010)

i'm going through crap myself at the moment with depression, self-esteem issues and ive started seeing a counseller who says im a great "avoider". I really am trying and its quite emotional for me, i understand how hes feeling as it has been building up inside him for a while its just i wonder am I justified in maybe needing him to be supportive of my feelings on this issue as well


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## pochael (Apr 12, 2010)

No offense. But this is your husband. You are to be one with him. If there is something about him, then tell him. Other than that, have you thought of any selfish reasons?


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## Momof3kids (Nov 24, 2009)

Fiatbrava said:


> Just wondering if any of you have avoided kissing your husband if he "goes in for the kill". Im not talking about a quick kiss on the lips but a "big" (!!!) kiss.
> 
> Having issues with himself at the moment and we were back on track but hes gotten upset with me again becuase i didnt want a full blown kiss at that moment,,, i wasnt expecting it and to be truthful he hadnt brushed his teeth Stupid i know but we are both very vulnerable at the moment and I'm just wondering should i be always reciprocating. I have problems with touch, etc anyway and I'm trying to get it sorted - i just think maybe he should be more forgiving of me at the moment and allowing me to try and work through it. thanks


I am totally guilty of this... H smokes and drinks (I don't do either) and I cannot stand kissing him beyond a quick kiss. He's not big on kissing anyway, so it's not usually a big deal.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

If you feel aversion at any level, do not do it--it will only get worse.

Be kind and say you just aren't ready yet, but will let him know when you are. 

It's all well and good for people to say it is a responsibility in marriage or "this is your husband," but they do not understand how attraction can be destroyed by other issues in a marriage. Trying to ignore that is the quickest way to make sure you will get to the point of never being able to let him touch you again. 

there is no guarantee you will get past this, but you are trying and he needs to be more understanding. If he cannot wait for you, then he can move on. You cannot take that "personally," either--he has the right to do what he needs to do, too. You need to protect yourself right now. He may need to move on. But either way, nothing is to be gained by denying how either of you really feels and trying to fake it when it comes to this--won't work.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Personally I think everything sums up to ... why?..then you need to both have a nice discussion.


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