# Rules for separation



## pjm (Jul 7, 2013)

We separated about a year ago. He was out of the house for less than two months and convinced me to let him return. This spring I moved out. So I am now in an apt and he is living at the house. My daughter is mostly with me (she's 18). We are going to weekly counseling sessions. We are going out on a weekly date. We have had a few family dinners. I asked for no money support. I have a job, support myself on that money. 

My question is about my responsibility for him and for the upkeep/care of the household while we are separated. He is constantly asking for "help" with things around the house. Help him care for the dog, mow, weed, mulch, get the vaccuum fixed, pay the bills (I am actually paying all the bills for the household - using his money from his account). What is fair, what is too much, what is best for our future?

I guess I thought that with the separation, we would each care for the place we are actually living in. When he was gone last summer I did not ask him for any help - and I had never done any of the outdoor work during our marriage. 

I'm torn about this, because I feel that if we are going to work this out, I should help as much as I can. But I am starting to feel resentful of all the time I am spending helping him. And frankly I don't feel that I am getting any help from him - so how is that a good way to rebuild the relationship?


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## TeddieG (Sep 9, 2015)

There's a book that gives direction on that. 
http://www.amazon.com/Should-Stay-G...TF8&qid=1464137972&sr=8-8&keywords=separation

Even though the subtitle of this book is How Controlled Separation can Save Your Marriage, even if you don't want to save your marriage it is a good guide to save your sanity.


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## ThreeStrikes (Aug 11, 2012)

Stop saying "yes" when you want to say "no".


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Have the courage to do what you're ok with.

Say no when you're not ok with it.


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