# Newly married, wife threatens divorce after arguements



## Tha.fyah (May 14, 2021)

Newly married. Going on a year, we’ve been together in total about 3 years. My wife’s currently pregnant but I can’t blame it all on hormones… but whenever we argue, past or present . She somehow slips in we’re not gonna last and wants a divorce. Mind you when it’s good…. It’s GREAT. But when it’s bad. It’s ****ing horrible. She’s all lovey dovey and extra as hell with it. I wonder at times if it’s a smokescreen… because if she loved me like she says, why would she bring this up everytime. The argument could be small, she’ll find a way to say super hurtful things. Almost never about why we started arguing in the first place. 

I say my fair share, but that’s something I just don’t want to speak over us… as a bit of back story, I’ve had issues with her male friends. When we had an argument she started talking back to someone she messed around with. About meeting up and a lot of suggestive stuff…. I saw the texts and confronted her. She did the typical “if you don’t trust me why be with me” and that’s invasion of privacy… her friend is really pushing for them to get together, and have us separate… to my knowledge I’m not sure what’s going on. Idk if she’s waiting until the baby gets here or what….


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

That's just wrong, it erodes trust. You should say as much and tell her you want marriage counseling.

She sounds awful by the way. Maybe you should take her up on he offer. Somehow I don't think this guy is gonna want to take in a women and a new born baby.

I would even consider DNA testing the baby on the sly after it's born.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Tell her exactly what you told us. Sit her down and have a meeting with her.

Explain the impact it is having on your marriage

1. the erosion of trust 
2. the next times she mentions the words divorce, you are taking her at her word and will see a lawyer
3. Her friend can have her as you are not interested in a woman who has no respect for you

Then follow through


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

No married person, has any business catching up with old lovers. For any reason. It's just not on. Its also perfectly acceptable to look at or use your spouses phone and not an invasion of privacy. I couldn't care less if my husband picked up and used my phone, guess why...because there's nothing in there that he can't see.

How old are you? She sounds very young.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

She sounds very defensive about her interpretation of what she considers her boundaries with male friends...I would make it straight to the point that any cheating emotional or physical is grounds for divorce and asking with she be fine if you continued to speak in exactly the same manner with your ex’s....honestly I think both of you need couple counseling on sorting a lot of underlying issues...


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Tha.fyah said:


> Newly married. Going on a year, we’ve been together in total about 3 years. My wife’s currently pregnant but I can’t blame it all on hormones… but whenever we argue, past or present . She somehow slips in we’re not gonna last and wants a divorce. Mind you when it’s good…. It’s GREAT. But when it’s bad. It’s ****ing horrible. She’s all lovey dovey and extra as hell with it. I wonder at times if it’s a smokescreen… because if she loved me like she says, why would she bring this up everytime. The argument could be small, she’ll find a way to say super hurtful things. Almost never about why we started arguing in the first place.
> 
> I say my fair share, but that’s something I just don’t want to speak over us… as a bit of back story, I’ve had issues with her male friends. When we had an argument she started talking back to someone she messed around with. About meeting up and a lot of suggestive stuff…. I saw the texts and confronted her. She did the typical “if you don’t trust me why be with me” and that’s invasion of privacy… her friend is really pushing for them to get together, and have us separate… to my knowledge I’m not sure what’s going on. Idk if she’s waiting until the baby gets here or what….


Did she grow up in a chaotic home? ie. Abusive (verbally/physically)?


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## Tha.fyah (May 14, 2021)

GC1234 said:


> Did she grow up in a chaotic home? ie. Abusive (verbally/physically)?


She did. And Almost all of her exes were abusive either emotionally or physically. The guy I’ve seen her talking to isn’t an ex they weren’t officially in a relationship, but we told me they had sex before in the past.... That's the problem I have... I don't speak with anyone I had sexual encounters outside of small talk. To them my marriage is solid and I'm fine without them.


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## Tha.fyah (May 14, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> She sounds very defensive about her interpretation of what she considers her boundaries with male friends...I would make it straight to the point that any cheating emotional or physical is grounds for divorce and asking with she be fine if you continued to speak in exactly the same manner with your ex’s....honestly I think both of you need couple counseling on sorting a lot of underlying issues...


And that's the thing… she saw me talk to my old high school gf from over 12 years ago and she got weird about it. Mind you my ex and I live in two different countries and we were catching up on fb because she had a baby. No flirting, no wishing to go back. Just small talk. Whereas my wife’s talking to someone who lives in this state, and has tried to schedule secret meetings with….


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## Tha.fyah (May 14, 2021)

frusdil said:


> No married person, has any business catching up with old lovers. For any reason. It's just not on. Its also perfectly acceptable to look at or use your spouses phone and not an invasion of privacy. I couldn't care less if my husband picked up and used my phone, guess why...because there's nothing in there that he can't see.
> 
> How old are you? She sounds very young.


We’re both young. I’m 25 (about to be 26) and she’s 27. Despite this, I’ve been the most stable relationship she’s ever been in…at least that’s what she says to me.. one that isn’t abusive. However she throws that out the door whenever we argue, and I become this monster.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Tha.fyah said:


> She did. And Almost all of her exes were abusive either emotionally or physically. The guy I’ve seen her talking to isn’t an ex they weren’t officially in a relationship, but we told me they had sex before in the past.... That's the problem I have... I don't speak with anyone I had sexual encounters outside of small talk. To them my marriage is solid and I'm fine without them.


Ok, I thought so. That's why she's threatening divorce. She most likely doesn't mean it, but that's her defense mechanism. I guess after going through all that she did, her mind can only take so much, and she looks for an outlet, that's her outlet.
One suggestion is to really not argue with her too much, or just be very calm and patient. If a person with her issue gets too overwhelmed, that's when the "we're going to get divorced" will come out. 

I am also guessing she has never gone to a psychologist? Seeing one would work her and your relationship wonders.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Tha.fyah said:


> I’ve had issues with her male friends. When we had an argument she started talking back to someone she messed around with. About meeting up and a lot of suggestive stuff…. I saw the texts and confronted her. She did the typical “if you don’t trust me why be with me” and that’s invasion of privacy… her friend is really pushing for them to get together, and have us separate… to my knowledge I’m not sure what’s going on.


So, basically, she was having at least an emotional affair, you caught her, and she turned it around on you, which you allowed.

Hint: She has had inappropriate conversations with another man she'd had a previous sexual relationship with. She _isn't_ trustworthy.

When she gets emo and accuses you of not trusting her the proper response is "Of course I don't trust you! You behaved inappropriately with another man while married."

When she hits on "then why be with me" the proper response is "Why are you with me when you clearly have at least one other man you're involved with?"

And the proper response to the friend is "Your "friend" is poison. She's a viper whispering in your ear and I think it's time you stand up for our marriage and stop associating with her."

You also might want to point out that women with newborns aren't exactly hot on the dating market and bills are a thing, so she might want to think real careful about how she behaves from here on out. Otherwise, Mr Online Romance and Friend better be willing to take her on personally and financially. Child support doesn't cover all the bills.

I don't care what her past is. She is a wife and mother. She needs to sort her **** and start acting like it. Time to grow the hell up.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

MJJEAN said:


> So, basically, she was having at least an emotional affair, you caught her, and she turned it around on you, which you allowed.
> 
> Hint: She has had inappropriate conversations with another man she'd had a previous sexual relationship with. She _isn't_ trustworthy.
> 
> ...


Oh wow, I missed the emotional affair part.


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## Tha.fyah (May 14, 2021)

GC1234 said:


> Ok, I thought so. That's why she's threatening divorce. She most likely doesn't mean it, but that's her defense mechanism. I guess after going through all that she did, her mind can only take so much, and she looks for an outlet, that's her outlet.
> One suggestion is to really not argue with her too much, or just be very calm and patient. If a person with her issue gets too overwhelmed, that's when the "we're going to get divorced" will come out.
> 
> I am also guessing she has never gone to a psychologist? Seeing one would work her and your relationship wonders.


She keeps saying that she will, but no follow through. I’ve did therapy because I constantly felt like I was the problem. I have to own up to my own ****, but I feel like she’s unwilling to own up to hers…


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Tha.fyah said:


> Newly married. Going on a year, we’ve been together in total about 3 years. My wife’s currently pregnant but I can’t blame it all on hormones… but whenever we argue, past or present . She somehow slips in we’re not gonna last and wants a divorce. Mind you when it’s good…. It’s GREAT. But when it’s bad. It’s ****ing horrible. She’s all lovey dovey and extra as hell with it. I wonder at times if it’s a smokescreen… because if she loved me like she says, why would she bring this up everytime. The argument could be small, she’ll find a way to say super hurtful things. Almost never about why we started arguing in the first place.
> 
> I say my fair share, but that’s something I just don’t want to speak over us… as a bit of back story, I’ve had issues with her male friends. *When we had an argument she started talking back to someone she messed around with. About meeting up and a lot of suggestive stuff…. I saw the texts and confronted her. She did the typical “if you don’t trust me why be with me” and that’s invasion of privacy… her friend is really pushing for them to get together, and have us separate… to my knowledge I’m not sure what’s going on*. Idk if she’s waiting until the baby gets here or what….


I’d agree with her. Sounds like you married a teenager.

You don’t know what’s going on? She’s plainly told you and you’ve seen it with you’re own eyes.

Let her go. You shouldn’t have married her.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

GC1234 said:


> Did she grow up in a chaotic home? ie. Abusive (verbally/physically)?


I think the root of their issues stems from this. She sounds borderline disorder of some sort. The unstableness she has created is a clear indicator of a damaged and abusive person. 

You picked an unstable woman to marry. I'm sorry but she will keep getting worse. The pregnancy doesn't help her unstableness. She will bolt from the marriage because she is very emotionally unstable. That is why she flies off the handle and threatens divorce in any ridiculous argument. These type of people thrive in chaos and destroy their prey. That is what you are. Her victim. These folks are incapable of love. They use and abuse their partners. 

The lovey dovey and then it's over chaos part is a common pattern in personality disorders. You can't stay with folks like this. They will turn your life into a living hell.

If the baby is yours, try to get as much custody as you can. These individuals are terrible parents. She will be a horrible mother. She shouldn't have children. These folks are toxic. Most never get better or seek help.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Bibi1031 said:


> I think the root of their issues stems from this. She sounds borderline disorder of some sort. The unstableness she has created is a clear indicator of a damaged and abusive person.
> 
> You picked an unstable woman to marry. I'm sorry but she will keep getting worse. The pregnancy doesn't help her unstableness. She will bolt from the marriage because she is very emotionally unstable. That is why she flies off the handle and threatens divorce in any ridiculous argument. These type of people thrive in chaos and destroy their prey. That is what you are. Her victim. These folks are incapable of love. They use and abuse their partners.
> 
> ...


She is unstable, but I don't personally think it's a deal breaker. It is fixable with therapy. The other issue, about the EA, that's a whole other story.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Tha.fyah said:


> She keeps saying that she will, but no follow through. I’ve did therapy because I constantly felt like I was the problem. I have to own up to my own ****, but I feel like she’s unwilling to own up to hers…


Yeap. She will drive you crazy because it is all your fault. 

I lived this. I tolerated 5 years of this. It kept getting worse, and I was completely confused, miserable, and destabilized until I read up borderline personality disorder. 

They hook you with the lovey dovey lie. They tear you down with the chaos and blame shifting. They blame you for their crap. They are very good at not owning up and turning the tables on you. It used to make my head spin in disbelief. Then came the lovey dovey crap again. It's crazy because they ARE crazy/ unstable.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

IMO there's more going on than just her extreme reaction (threatening to divorce) to disagreements.

Marriage is not the same as being single. There're trade offs required (including who we're friends with) in order to 'protect' the marriage.

Studies show that texting has the same emotional impact as face to face conversations. Texting impacts a person's behavior. Therefore, who and what she's texting about is a big deal.

I suggest you both read: "Not Just Friends" by Dr Shirley Glass. It's an easy and short read available online used for $1.95. It's based on research of couples (good people that didn't intend to cheat) that experienced infidelity. IMO it should be required reading for all couples.

Boundaries/limits on our behavior recognize that humans are programmed genetically to bond emotionally as well as physically with others. Therefore, feeling safe from infidelity requires more than just 'trust' - but seeing your spouse apply appropriate boundaries/limits that protect the marriage.

Every spouse has a right to feel safe from infidelity. And every spouse has a related obligation to protect the marriage by avoiding suspicious, secret, or other behavior/social contacts that undermine the marriage. 

Contact with an other man (ex or not) that is interested in her romantically and encouraging her to cheat is a big fail. She should have shut down this guy immediately. The consequence of her allowing this 'friendship' to become romantic/sexual (over stepping boundaries that protect the marriage) is 100% zero contact forever.

Finally, after reading the book, you need to inform her that certain boundaries are not negotiable (bluff if you have to). In order for her to take you seriously, she needs to believe that you will divorce her rather than tolerate a life partner that risks her marriage or makes you feel unsafe.

I'm not suggesting you ambush her or raise your voice and get in her face. But you need to draw a line - and it starts with zero contact with that guy. 

After reading the book, consider writing her a letter expressing your position (including your comittment to her and marriage). It gives her a chance to think before responding.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

GC1234 said:


> She is unstable, but I don't personally think it's a deal breaker. It is fixable with therapy. The other issue, about the EA, that's a whole other story.


There lies the problem, the majority refuse help because they don't accept there is something wrong with them. MC won't work. They feel threatened when exposed and they will turn nasty. I tried that. It was another eye opener for me. He was not fixable. He was never marriage material.

She showed him her true colors early on in their relationship. He simply ignored the red flags. Most of us that fall for these type of people dismiss this because of their loving behavior towards us when they want to hook us.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Bibi1031 said:


> There lies the problem, the majority refuse help because they don't accept there is something wrong with them. MC won't work. They feel threatened when exposed and they will turn nasty. I tried that. It was another eye opener for me. He was not fixable. He was never marriage material.
> 
> She showed him her true colors early on in their relationship. He simply ignored the red flags. Most of us that fall for these type of people dismiss this because of their loving behavior towards us when they want to hook us.


Oh yeah..100% you're right. We ignore the red flags because we don't have confidence in ourselves and don't know how to set boundaries. Huge issue in society. I don't think they need MC, I think she needs IC. But, as with many, she is unwilling to go.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The bad news here is she sounds like she is probably damaged goods and may possibly have some kind of personality disorder. The ways she swings back and forth between very engaged and lovey to talking about splitting up and reconnecting with previous lovers at any sign of conflict is a big, bright red flag flapping in the wind that she may have some kind of actual disorder. 

The real bad news is at some point she probably WILL take off into the night and probably will hook up with someone else where it is an old fling or some random at the bar or somewhere. 

These are the chicks that actually do meet someone one day and two days later have a couple bags of clothes in a truck headed off to live with someone else. 

The irony is they leave the decent, stable, supportive, loving guy for the somewhat abusive, manipulating, playa' at the bar or the gym. As part of their disorder, they feel stifled and caged in a supportive, stable relationship and become resentful and repulsed by those who lovingly support them, while at the same time they drawn towards those that will abuse, manipulate and mistreat them. It's part of the disease. 

This is a case of "Crazy in the head, Crazy in bed" and you were drawn to her intensity and sexual dynamics when you were first dating. You likely felt like some kind of champion for her and her Knight in Shining Armor that was saving her from her bad lifestyle and bad boy playa's that were using and abusing her. 

But when KSAs rescue damsels in distress, what they end up with is distressed damsels on their hands. 

Your chance of saving yourself from destruction and chaos here is ironclad boundaries that you enforce to the letter with the iron hand of discipline up to and including kicking her to the curb when she crosses the line (which she will guaranteed do) and intensive therapy for her to address her childhood issues and her disordered personality to where it is not poisoning her current adult life. 

You have a future train wreck on your hands barreling down the track towards disaster here if you do not take immediate and decisive action.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

Tha.fyah said:


> She did. And Almost all of her exes were abusive either emotionally or physically. The guy I’ve seen her talking to isn’t an ex they weren’t officially in a relationship, but we told me they had sex before in the past.... That's the problem I have... I don't speak with anyone I had sexual encounters outside of small talk. To them my marriage is solid and I'm fine without them.



You can't fix crazy bud. I'm sorry you are having a baby with this woman. Make sure the baby is yours and be a responsible, stable loving father; but stay away from the mom. Your wife is not relationship material period. 

You probably will end up with full custody of the child in the near future. As @olshirt wrote. She picks unstable partners most of the time, and if they are not unstable, she brings out the worse in even the most stable of men.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Tha.fyah said:


> Newly married. Going on a year, we’ve been together in total about 3 years. My wife’s currently pregnant but I can’t blame it all on hormones… but whenever we argue, past or present . She somehow slips in we’re not gonna last and wants a divorce. Mind you when it’s good…. It’s GREAT. But when it’s bad. It’s ****ing horrible. She’s all lovey dovey and extra as hell with it. I wonder at times if it’s a smokescreen… because if she loved me like she says, why would she bring this up everytime. The argument could be small, she’ll find a way to say super hurtful things. Almost never about why we started arguing in the first place.
> 
> I say my fair share, but that’s something I just don’t want to speak over us… as a bit of back story, I’ve had issues with her male friends. When we had an argument she started talking back to someone she messed around with. About meeting up and a lot of suggestive stuff…. I saw the texts and confronted her. She did the typical “if you don’t trust me why be with me” and that’s invasion of privacy… her friend is really pushing for them to get together, and have us separate… to my knowledge I’m not sure what’s going on. Idk if she’s waiting until the baby gets here or what….


This is on you for going for her. She isn't a good candidate for girlfriend, much less a wife


To be fair, you probably didn't know what to look for.

I'm sorry you got her pregnant but I don't have optimism about your future with her.

She is incredibly immature and had no conflict coping mechanisms.

She is a bully and always resorts to threats when there is a disagreement.

I would exit and make sure my child was taken care of.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Going forward.... this entire situation is your own fault. You stay.... then your allowing it to happen. That is on you.
God help you as soon as she loses the baby weight.....your toast.


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Tha.fyah said:


> Newly married. Going on a year, we’ve been together in total about 3 years. My wife’s currently pregnant but I can’t blame it all on hormones… but whenever we argue, past or present . She somehow slips in we’re not gonna last and wants a divorce. Mind you when it’s good…. It’s GREAT. But when it’s bad. It’s ****ing horrible. She’s all lovey dovey and extra as hell with it. I wonder at times if it’s a smokescreen… because if she loved me like she says, why would she bring this up everytime. The argument could be small, she’ll find a way to say super hurtful things. Almost never about why we started arguing in the first place.
> 
> I say my fair share, but that’s something I just don’t want to speak over us… as a bit of back story, I’ve had issues with her male friends. When we had an argument she started talking back to someone she messed around with. About meeting up and a lot of suggestive stuff…. I saw the texts and confronted her. She did the typical “if you don’t trust me why be with me” and that’s invasion of privacy… her friend is really pushing for them to get together, and have us separate… to my knowledge I’m not sure what’s going on. Idk if she’s waiting until the baby gets here or what….


May want to DNA this child because your wife cheating.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

. Whereas my wife’s talking to someone who lives in this state, and has tried to schedule secret meetings with….
[/QUOTE]

That’s all that needs to be said. Regardless of the threats, you are just there to provide and then provide emotional support until she finds someone to replace you.

There is zero hope of having a good marriage to this person. Divorce her.


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## K3itty (May 12, 2021)

Besides she may be mentally ill in terms of personality disorders/past trauma and whatnot, have you asked her what she feels is missing from you/your marriage? 

Money? Swag? Excitement? Attention? Time together? Emotional support? 

Why is she entertaining an exit plan so early after getting married and while pregnant? Not to blame you at all, but she seems to be getting something from this guy you aren't providing. What is it?

And it's absolutely not your fault how she behaves. But you should at least find out why she can't stop contacting this guy.


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## Manner1067 (Feb 22, 2021)

Better get a paternity test once the kid is born, because I have a feeling about the past boyfriend ...

there is absolutely no chance of this marriage going anywhere good, and the longer you stick around, the more emotional and financial pain will be inflicted on you

serve the papers by the end of next week and tell her you are going for full custody.

you married Miss Wrong bro, sorry to say.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Tha.fyah said:


> Newly married. Going on a year, we’ve been together in total about 3 years. My wife’s currently pregnant but I can’t blame it all on hormones… but whenever we argue, past or present . She somehow slips in we’re not gonna last and wants a divorce. Mind you when it’s good…. It’s GREAT. But when it’s bad. It’s ****ing horrible. She’s all lovey dovey and extra as hell with it. I wonder at times if it’s a smokescreen… because if she loved me like she says, why would she bring this up everytime. The argument could be small, she’ll find a way to say super hurtful things. Almost never about why we started arguing in the first place.
> 
> I say my fair share, but that’s something I just don’t want to speak over us… as a bit of back story, I’ve had issues with her male friends. When we had an argument she started talking back to someone she messed around with. About meeting up and a lot of suggestive stuff…. I saw the texts and confronted her. She did the typical “if you don’t trust me why be with me” and that’s invasion of privacy… her friend is really pushing for them to get together, and have us separate… to my knowledge I’m not sure what’s going on. Idk if she’s waiting until the baby gets here or what….


DNA the kid.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Tha.fyah said:


> And that's the thing… she saw me talk to my old high school gf from over 12 years ago and she got weird about it. Mind you my ex and I live in two different countries and we were catching up on fb because she had a baby. No flirting, no wishing to go back. Just small talk. Whereas my wife’s talking to someone who lives in this state, and has tried to schedule secret meetings with….


Ok but you’re still also messaging an ex, but said above that you don’t need that. You’re not flirting, and you’re not meeting up... but it’s a start. So why don’t you both agree to stop contacting people from your past of the opposite sex?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Tha.fyah said:


> She keeps saying that she will, but no follow through. I’ve did therapy because I constantly felt like I was the problem. I have to own up to my own ****, but I feel like she’s unwilling to own up to hers…


Talk is cheap.

Simply tell her:

"If you really meant it, you would talk less and do more."

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

K3itty said:


> Besides she may be mentally ill in terms of personality disorders/past trauma and whatnot, have you asked her what she feels is missing from you/your marriage?
> 
> Money? Swag? Excitement? Attention? Time together? Emotional support?
> 
> ...


Are you seriously trying to make something the OP did or didn't do the cause of his wife's cheating? Because that's what it sounds like.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Tha.fyah said:


> Newly married. Going on a year, we’ve been together in total about 3 years. My wife’s currently pregnant but I can’t blame it all on hormones… but whenever we argue, past or present . She somehow slips in we’re not gonna last and wants a divorce. Mind you when it’s good…. It’s GREAT. But when it’s bad. It’s ****ing horrible. She’s all lovey dovey and extra as hell with it. I wonder at times if it’s a smokescreen… because if she loved me like she says, why would she bring this up everytime. The argument could be small, she’ll find a way to say super hurtful things. Almost never about why we started arguing in the first place.
> 
> I say my fair share, but that’s something I just don’t want to speak over us… as a bit of back story, I’ve had issues with her male friends. *When we had an argument she started talking back to someone she messed around with. About meeting up and a lot of suggestive stuff…. I saw the texts and confronted her. She did the typical “if you don’t trust me why be with me” and that’s invasion of privacy*… her friend is really pushing for them to get together, and have us separate… to my knowledge I’m not sure what’s going on. Idk if she’s waiting until the baby gets here or what….


She is telling you she wants you gone. Constantly throwing the "D" card tells you what is in her mind always. Maybe she "accidentally" wanted you to see the texts to her BF, hoping you would initiate divorce. Maybe there is some advantage where you live for the person who doesn't file. She is pushing and the old BF is pulling for her to make you leave. 

Since you have been together such a short time you should be better able to manage the emotional toll of a divorce. Too bad there is a baby on the way, that will just add to financial hit to you. But if you hang around where you aren't wanted that will only get worse as the years go by. And sooner than later she will start spending sack time with old and new BF.

Her bond to you isn't tight right after wedding day and it will only worsen. Get out before you spend any more of your youth with someone who doesn't even like you. BTW, be sure to DNA test the child because you may not even be the father.


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## K3itty (May 12, 2021)

MJJEAN said:


> Are you seriously trying to make something the OP did or didn't do the cause of his wife's cheating? Because that's what it sounds like.


I know it's not popular opinion. But to me, sometimes we have to see are we the cause of a problem too? It's worth examining. Doesn't excuse the cheater. No one is perfect.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

K3itty said:


> I know it's not popular opinion. But to me, sometimes we have to see are we the cause of a problem too? It's worth examining. Doesn't excuse the cheater. No one is perfect.


In this case, of course OP is at fault too...his fault for allowing the mistreatment, not setting boundaries, not dumping her; which I doubt very much he will; acting like a doormat allowing the disrespect, and blaming himself somehow.

My take is he won't DNA the child to verify its his, and won't leave her until she dumps him for a newer trill.


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## Cristian2737 (Dec 4, 2021)

I'm in a similar situation.. I'm sorry to hear that, man...


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Zombie thread


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Tha.fyah said:


> She keeps saying that she will, but no follow through. I’ve did therapy because I constantly felt like I was the problem. I have to own up to my own ****, but I feel like she’s unwilling to own up to hers…


in such conversations/fights....it is easy for you too to descend to the level she is at. Don't do it. remain a gentleman. do not blurt out things you will later be very sorry you said. try to reason with her, instead of fighting. it might end up a one-sided fight, so be it. 

but possibly, after many such one-sided fights, she will see the light and realize she has a real problem with her personality. 

Longer term, you could find a decent marriage counselor who can give you two a framework to work out disagreements within.

if that effort on your part does not work out, say another 6 months from now you are in exactly the same situation....time to seriously consider bailing on her. too bad you have a kid. Back in the day, a lot of us waited a few years before having a kid....since we were both young and had careers we were trying to launch. Is she a stay at home mom, with no job?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Zombie Cats says no. So, the zombie thread is closed down.


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