# Mom's that travel away from kids on Mother's Day



## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

Hey TAM,

Kind of a strange scenario with my SIL. We were planning what to do for Mother's Day and my brother said that his wife was going to Cabo San Lucas by herself over Mother's Day weekend. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but for some reason this really rubbed me the wrong way. I felt bad for my nephews. 

Is this weird?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Seems to me that if she's a good mother 364 days of the year, she gets this day to do what she wants.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Cabo by herself? That's like going to Vegas by herself. It is a party town, for partying. There are certainly things to do like sitting on the beach (but not playing in the surf), golf, restaurants, etc, but all of those are easily available in many other places which aren't party resorts.

I am suspicious. Did she really go alone? Is there some important factor such as family owned property there which makes it a more logical choice?


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

Thor said:


> Cabo by herself? That's like going to Vegas by herself. It is a party town, for partying. There are certainly things to do like sitting on the beach (but not playing in the surf), golf, restaurants, etc, but all of those are easily available in many other places which aren't party resorts.
> 
> I am suspicious. Did she really go alone? Is there some important factor such as family owned property there which makes it a more logical choice?


I don't _think_ anything is going on. Here is a little more information. She was actually traveling for work the week prior to mothers day. She then added on an extra 3 or 4 days in Cabo at the end of her business trip. The Cabo portion is some woman business leader's group that she signed up for. So as far as my brother is aware, she is with a group of women at a resort.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

She wanted some down time. And was able to do it for less money because the airfare was on the company. I'm betting it's just some sun, a good book, drinks and female camaraderie. Every GNO or vacation alone does NOT indicate cheating. People shouldn't project. We don't know anything else about this couple. 

I totally understand why a woman would want a few days to do nothing - pick her own TV stations, movies, books, etc. - not having to watch the water to make sure kids don't drown or go off with strangers, not having to hurry in the bathroom for someone else to take a turn - everything on her own schedule catered to what she wants. It's heaven when your whole life is about other people.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> She wanted some down time. And was able to do it for less money because the airfare was on the company. I'm betting it's just some sun, a good book, drinks and female camaraderie. Every GNO or vacation alone does NOT indicate cheating. People shouldn't project. We don't know anything else about this couple.
> 
> I totally understand why a woman would want a few days to do nothing - pick her own TV stations, movies, books, etc. - not having to watch the water to make sure kids don't drown or go off with strangers, not having to hurry in the bathroom for someone else to take a turn - everything on her own schedule catered to what she wants. It's heaven when your whole life is about other people.


For the record, the week leading up to MD was a business trip, the Cabo portion was totally voluntary and paid for out of pocket.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Know what Mother's Day often is if you're actually a mother? It's yet another day of being a mother. In fact, if you're schlepping kids hither and yon to various Mother's Day celebrations, or have been designated to host the family's Mother's Day event, its is often actually _more_ work than an average day. I don't begrudge a mom who wants to take what is ostensibly "her" day and do what she pleases with it instead, even if that means she doesn't spend it with her children. In the same vein, I'm perfectly fine with dads who want to do whatever they please on Father's Day rather than doing the usual family-centered stuff. 

Since my divorce, I take Mother's Day off. I spent most of yesterday puttering alone in my garden. My son slept until his dad showed up to haul him off to first church, then lunch with his grandmother, and finally the dinner they were hosting for his step-mom's family. I was quite happy having the day to myself rather than doing the expected holiday song-and-dance!


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

SofaKingWeToddId said:


> For the record, the week leading up to MD was a business trip, the Cabo portion was totally voluntary and paid for out of pocket.


Ah you said the Cabo portion was some women in business group so I thought that was the original reason for her travels and she stayed an extra few days. Where was the business trip? i.e. business was in Wisconsin but she flew to Cabo for vaca? Or happened to be in South America and it was easy to visit Cabo?

Not that it really matters; Mother's Day is a day for kids to appreciate all of the WORK it takes to be a mother and to treat her to time off without hearing "Moooom!" and all of the requests that inevitably follow it.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Rowan said:


> Know what Mother's Day often is if you're actually a mother? It's yet another day of being a mother. In fact, if you're schlepping kids hither and yon to various Mother's Day celebrations, or have been designated to host the family's Mother's Day event, its is often actually _more_ work than an average day. I don't begrudge a mom who wants to take what is ostensibly "her" day and do what she pleases with it instead, even if that means she doesn't spend it with her children. In the same vein, I'm perfectly fine with dads who want to do whatever they please on Father's Day rather than doing the usual family-centered stuff.
> 
> Since my divorce, I take Mother's Day off. I spent most of yesterday puttering alone in my garden. My son slept until his dad showed up to haul him off to first church, then lunch with his grandmother, and finally the dinner they were hosting for his step-mom's family. I was quite happy having the day to myself rather than doing the expected holiday song-and-dance!


LIKELIKELIKELIKE

While other mothers got things and cooked, traveled, etc. I was happy for my kid to mow the front lawn and go hang with friends. I watched what I wanted, did a little yard work, puttered around the house, finished a book and had a pleasantly quiet day. To have my kid come home and ask what's for dinner. Leftovers, that's what!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Mother's Day is a day for kids to appreciate all of the WORK it takes to be a mother and to treat her to time off without hearing "Moooom!" and all of the requests that inevitably follow it.


Lol! I once told my then-husband that what I really wanted for Mother's Day was to be able to take a shower by myself with no one banging on the door screaming, and to be able to drink a glass of tea that was entirely free of toddler-backwashed crumbs. I mostly get my wish now, but it's because my kid is 16 and can slobber into his own tea glass.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Ah you said the Cabo portion was some women in business group so I thought that was the original reason for her travels and she stayed an extra few days. Where was the business trip? i.e. business was in Wisconsin but she flew to Cabo for vaca? Or happened to be in South America and it was easy to visit Cabo?
> 
> Not that it really matters; Mother's Day is a day for kids to appreciate all of the WORK it takes to be a mother and to treat her to time off without hearing "Moooom!" and all of the requests that inevitably follow it.


She traveled to a city in the US for business, and then when her business trip was over, she flew directly to Cabo for the extra few days. I think she was gone for about 10 days straight. They have 2 boys under five so my brother was super stressed handling all of the household duties for 10 days.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Hm, well I wouldn't want to be gone from my family 10 days but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she's burned out. Maybe she's always wanted to go to South America. Or maybe she wanted them all to see what it's like without her because she has felt like she is taken for granted. But neither you nor I can guess her motivation. Nor should her husband. He could ask her.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I went to Montreal for a long birthday weekend, by myself. I didn't party. I relaxed by having people wait on me, lounged around at a spa and didn't really have to talk to anyone. The only man who touched me was the masseuse and only in the sanctioned legal masseuse way, plus it was a Swedish deep massage so hardly erotic. 

I frequently go to Iceland for the same reason. Spas and relaxing. 
To be honest, going somewhere relaxing with a romantic partner can be exhausting. I mean, the implication is there, that there will be some action. Sure you are there with your loved one, but sometimes you just need to be in total relax mode. No logistics other than when you want to sleep, when you want to eat, when you want to poo and no discussion about where to eat or what to watch, no pressure to look your best. 

On Mother's Day I went to Mass and there were quite a few moms there on their own.

People who think that there is something going on when a grown adult who is earning income and has many responsibilities and wants to put their feet up for a few, should look at themselves. When there is one finger pointing at someone else, judging, then there are three fingers pointing back at the accuser. Such dirty filthy amoralistic perverted accusing and judging minds they have. Get real. And as for a place's reputation or popularity, such places are cheap because of volume. I have vacationed where there are a lot of romantic couples, it's not for everyone and in fact it can be disruptive if there are only couples around. Especially if you're attractive. To have a good vacation where you can relax, it's better to blend in. If there is a lot of single action offered, there is a very convenient word with its pal: no thanks, or for the persistent, get lost, I'll call security, I have their number and already tipped them quite well.

Like the first thing a partnered woman is going to look for on a relaxing vacation is a man. hahahahaha. That's such conceited mancentric thinking. Really. Oh yes, sure I paid big bucks to come here to vacation, so please, use me as a prostitute and fart in my bed and gobble up your dinner on my dime, take over my remote. Really????????


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Wow, I fill bad for you lady's on here. The kids and I have always made her favorite breakfast, then cleaned up after ourselves then gone out to do something. Later on took her out for dinner. 

Well all of that when they were younger. Still make it a day where she just lays back and rest.

But as far as the trip. I would be like WTF, but each situations different. It all depends on what has been going on in the marriage up to that point.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Is your concern that she is taking this trip on Mother's Day? Because that's just a day on the calendar, so what difference does it make if they celebrate MD when she gets back or on that specific Sunday?

Or is your concern that she is taking a trip without the family? I can see if she were in San Diego or LA for business and decided to tack on a conference and some sun time in Cabo. It's a lot quicker, less expensive and efficient to go to Cabo from there, especially if her home is a lot further away.

In any case, I think this falls under "none of your business" in terms of the couple themselves. I hope you do keep your thoughts to yourself because your brother won't thank you if you talk badly about his wife.


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## bluezone (Jan 7, 2012)

Rowan said:


> Know what Mother's Day often is if you're actually a mother? It's yet another day of being a mother.


LOL Rowan I was cracking up reading this...SO true!


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

EnjoliWoman said:


> Hm, well I wouldn't want to be gone from my family 10 days but I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she's burned out. Maybe she's always wanted to go to South America. Or maybe she wanted them all to see what it's like without her because she has felt like she is taken for granted. But neither you nor I can guess her motivation. Nor should her husband. He could ask her.


Yup, I'm in agreement with you on this one. Assuming there are no red flags or significant marriage problems at home, it sounds like she had an opportunity to spend 3 days with a few friends in the sun. Cabo is an easy flight and there are some nice resorts.

People who don't travel often would find the opportunity to tack on 3 extra days at a reduced cost an attractive option. That it happened to be over Mother's Day is unimportant.

Just as long as there aren't other red flags. If there are, then I worry about it being a GNO to a party resort.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It seems to me that if your brother were actively engaged in helping with household chores that he wouldn't have been so super stressed. Now, he knows what it's like.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

Blondilocks said:


> It seems to me that if your brother were actively engaged in helping with household chores that he wouldn't have been so super stressed. Now, he knows what it's like.


I would say between him and his wife, he is probably more involved. Two little ones under 5 is a lot of work.


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I would think most om's would rather be with their family for Mother's Day instead of being off by themselves somewhere. This sets the start of a bad cycle starting.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

jb02157 said:


> I would think most om's would rather be with their family for Mother's Day instead of being off by themselves somewhere. This sets the start of a bad cycle starting.




Mother's Day is a family holiday? 

Why in the world, does she need to spend it with her kids?


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

SofaKingWeToddId said:


> I would say between him and his wife he is probably more involved. Two little ones under 5 is a lot of work.




So there are three people in your brother's marriage--you, him and his wife? 

Why don't you keep your nose out of it UNTIL he asks for your help? 

Are you married? In a relationship? Have a good and successful career?


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## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

The kids and I used to (and still do) spoil my wife rotten on Mother's Day and she loves it. 

She has total say on any and everything but what she gets as standard is great food, drink, pampering, appointment at a spa with my daughters and/or her friend etc. 

She gets to go to spas on her own or with her friends at other times during the year, but Mother's Day is something to be spent with the family in our house - and no, not waiting on all of us hand and foot, but relaxing and having a great time.

And when the kids were younger, I made damn sure that they left her alone to enjoy what had been served up (I took care of them gladly).


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

SofaKingWeToddId said:


> She traveled to a city in the US for business, and then when her business trip was over, she flew directly to Cabo for the extra few days. I think she was gone for about 10 days straight. They have 2 boys under five so my brother was super stressed handling all of the household duties for 10 days.


He's super stressed? She works too and, I gather, takes care of the kids as well. You might pass him a clue.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

spinsterdurga said:


> So there are three people in your brother's marriage--you, him and his wife?
> 
> Why don't you keep your nose out of it UNTIL he asks for your help?
> 
> Are you married? In a relationship? Have a good and successful career?


Lol. Actually my marriage has had lots of problems. Hence the reason I post here. 

My question to the forum was if anyone thought it was strange. I did not mention getting involved in any way.


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## ILoveSparkles (Oct 28, 2013)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno;15631825[B said:


> ]I frequently go to Iceland for the same reason[/B]. Spas and relaxing.
> To be honest, going somewhere relaxing with a romantic partner can be exhausting. I mean, the implication is there, that there will be some action. Sure you are there with your loved one, but sometimes you just need to be in total relax mode. No logistics other than when you want to sleep, when you want to eat, when you want to poo and no discussion about where to eat or what to watch, no pressure to look your best.


I went to Iceland a year ago. Iceland is an amazing country and they are so hospitable. I would love to return again some day.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

SofaKingWeToddId said:


> I would say between him and his wife he is probably more involved. Two little ones under 5 is a lot of work.


One little one is a lot of work. Two little ones is three times as much work.

Been there. Done that.


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## Marische (Apr 30, 2016)

SofaKingWeToddId said:


> Hey TAM,
> 
> Kind of a strange scenario with my SIL. We were planning what to do for Mother's Day and my brother said that his wife was going to Cabo San Lucas by herself over Mother's Day weekend. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but for some reason this really rubbed me the wrong way. I felt bad for my nephews.
> 
> Is this weird?


Not weird at all... sometimes we just need to recharge, have fun and feel good about ourselves... Motherhood can be very stressfull its important to have some alone time.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I don't think *his* brother would appreciate it if *he* took the SIL on a trip.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Yes, absolutely, two kids under five are like twenty handfuls. This is what one considers before getting their wife knocked up. I really don't understand the desire to have a child only to put them into daycare once maternity leave is up. So, parent feeds & dresses child, drops child off at daycare, picks up from daycare, goes home to entertain child until dinner time, bathe and put to bed. Do a couple of chores and start the whole rigamarole over the next day. Would waiting until child is in school be such a downer?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

sapientia said:


> Isn't the person the OP is describing a woman? Why shouldn't two SILs travel together?
> 
> Are these posters some uber-conservative SAHMs, or something? Is there a problem with women who work?


Let's see if I can explain: OP is male, OP's brother is male, brother is married to a woman. 2 men, 1 woman.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

sapientia said:


> Isn't the person the OP is describing a woman? Why shouldn't two SILs travel together?
> 
> Are these posters some uber-conservative SAHMs, or something? Is there a problem with women who work?


I'm a dude. I was talking about my brother's wife.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

SofaKingWeToddId said:


> I'm a dude. I was talking about my brother's wife.




Why does it bother you?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

From what I get, the OP thinks the mom should be around her children on Mom's day. He feels sorry for her sons (why I don't know since they're both under 5 and arguably don't know about or give a crap about Mom's day). Mom taking off doesn't seem very family oriented.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Is mothers day a event for them?
My family never thought much of mother/fathers day, maybe celebrating mother's day isn't a big deal to SIL.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

SofaKingWeToddId said:


> She traveled to a city in the US for business, and then when her business trip was over, she flew directly to Cabo for the extra few days. I think she was gone for about 10 days straight. They have 2 boys under five so my brother was super stressed handling all of the household duties for 10 days.


I personally wouldn't want to be away from my family for 10 days...I would miss them terribly and not be able to enjoy myself. But that's me. Other people's marriages are none of my business.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Totally weird. To spend Mother's Day without your kids (even if you can't see them--to want to be ALONE and not even try to see them) is incomprehensible to me.

I just don't get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

OP, is your brother complaining to you about it?

I couldn't even fathom leaving my babies on Mother's Day. If I needed a break it could come later. Frankly i couldn't even fathom leaving children that young for 10 days anyway. However some mothers are more maternalistic than others and the kids really are too young to know that its mothers day. 

Now in a few years when they know what mothers day is, if she were to make herself unavailable to them on that day, that would really suck


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I guess I would view this more so on HOW she is as a mother outside of these 10 days.. or whatever it is, is she loving, kind, considerate, there for her kids, a bond? 

Sometimes things come up & we just want to Grab the opportunity... it may not be the best time.. but it may not come around again either (this is speaking in generalities referring to a certain day to celebrate.. not necessarily this thread issue).... 

LIke a few others have said.. I wouldn't enjoy going somewhere - especially without my husband , even more so than the kids to be honest, for even a few nights.. I wouldn't find that enjoyable at all... I don't really "get" people who'd want to take a vacation alone...for me that would be dreadful and lonely.. 

I would find it very suspicious personally -but that is looking through my own lens -as if I did this.. I'd be up to no good, meeting someone or ...as this post lays out.. hmmmm.... 



Thor said:


> *Cabo by herself? That's like going to Vegas by herself. It is a party town, for partying.* There are certainly things to do like sitting on the beach (but not playing in the surf), golf, restaurants, etc, but all of those are easily available in many other places which aren't party resorts.
> 
> I am suspicious. Did she really go alone? Is there some important factor such as family owned property there which makes it a more logical choice?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Wow 364 other days a year you can travel and you decide to travel on the one day you are to be celebrated as a parent..... Lol.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

I wonder what the reaction would be if the father took a week business trip and decided to go to Cabo by himself for father's day.

I do think it's seriously wrong for any parent to tack on a 3 day pleasure trip on top of a 5 day business trip.

Most of the "stress" that is depicted as the reason she would need to get away is all self created. I read it like this, if you create a family life that is so stressful that you desire to take a 3 day trip by yourself right after a 5 day trip, you are doing something very wrong and either need to create an environment that is less stressful, or an environment that someone would prefer returning to versus going off by themselves.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Wolf1974 said:


> Wow 364 other days a year you can travel and you decide to travel on the one day you are to be celebrated as a parent..... Lol.


Completely agree. :iagree:
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

Mothers Day was my kids weekend with their Dad. If I asked, I am sure he would have given them to me. But I am in the process of moving and needed the time to pack sans kids. And I wanted to go to church and enjoy the message without interruption. I missed my kids sure. But it was a pretty good and productive Mothers Day. And he doesnt see them as much as he should so I did it for the kids. I dont feel guilty. 

I would totally do a few extra days away (but I am a single mom so it sounds divine) if I could swing it. Im a better Mom when rested and relaxed.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

spinsterdurga said:


> Why does it bother you?


To *me*, mother's day/father's day is a family holiday. I just thought it was strange that she scheduled a solo trip away from her family on mother's day. 

I have kept out of it other than asking my brother how he felt about it. He said he didn't mind. In many regards, they live separate lives. I guess that works for them.

I totally get that this is my issue. I wasn't looking for any advice. I was just curious if others thought it was strange.

I did tell my wife that I wouldn't be ok with her doing that. She said she agrees and wouldn't be ok with me doing it either.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Hicks said:


> I do think it's seriously wrong for any parent to tack on a 3 day pleasure trip on top of a 5 day business trip.


Lots of business travelers do this. I've worked in consulting and software sales for over 20 years, and most of them are dads though some are moms, and a lot of people take the extra days because they only see airports, hotels, and conference rooms otherwise. 

Their families reap the rewards other times - when we have a conference in Orlando, many employees bring their spouses and kids and they are at Disney while dad/mom is at the conference. They also benefit from the hotel points and miles so the whole family can take vacation for practically nothing. 

Taking this one trip in isolation is not informative. You have to look at the whole relationship, dynamic and norm within that family to judge if something is "wrong" with taking a few extra days after a trip. 

In this family, apparently it is fine since the woman's husband does not mind.


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

I knew this guy that I worked with. Every year at Christmas his wife would take their two kids and go spend Christmas with her family in a town about a 5 hour drive away. He was always unable to join them because he always had to work on Christmas eve and on boxing day. She took the car with her so he had no way to go even for the one day. for her to pick him up would have meant about 20 hours of driving over the span of around thirty hours.

I asked him about it one year because admittedly it would have been a real sore spot for me if I was stuck spending Christmas alone so she could visit with her family. He always said it didn't bother him but I don't know that I believed him entirely.

Anyway, I ran into the same guy a couple years ago and shocker of all shockers, he's divorced now. No surprise that when your wife is just focused on what she wants and who gives a rats behind about what is good for her relationship, it falls apart, who would have seen that coming.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

It has me wondering if any of the other women were mothers. That's assuming there really other women.

We're these plans made before she left for the business trip or more of a spur of the moment thing?


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> It has me wondering if any of the other women were mothers. That's assuming there really other women.
> 
> We're these plans made before she left for the business trip or more of a spur of the moment thing?


She planned it all in advance. I would have been understanding if it was mandatory, but this was outside of work.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

bankshot1993 said:


> I knew this guy that I worked with. Every year at Christmas his wife would take their two kids and go spend Christmas with her family in a town about a 5 hour drive away. He was always unable to join them because he always had to work on Christmas eve and on boxing day. She took the car with her so he had no way to go even for the one day. for her to pick him up would have meant about 20 hours of driving over the span of around thirty hours.
> 
> I asked him about it one year because admittedly it would have been a real sore spot for me if I was stuck spending Christmas alone so she could visit with her family. He always said it didn't bother him but I don't know that I believed him entirely.
> 
> Anyway, I ran into the same guy a couple years ago and shocker of all shockers, he's divorced now. No surprise that when your wife is just focused on what she wants and who gives a rats behind about what is good for her relationship, it falls apart, who would have seen that coming.


That is terrible. That poor man  I would rather be with my husband than anyone else in the world. How would she have liked it, being left home alone every year at Christmas?


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## bankshot1993 (Feb 10, 2014)

frusdil said:


> That is terrible. That poor man  I would rather be with my husband than anyone else in the world. How would she have liked it, being left home alone every year at Christmas?


 I always said it would be a deal breaker for me. The principle of it all would have bothered me to much to get past it. If my spouse had so little regard for my feelings that she didn't care if she left me home alone for Christmas while she took my kids off to visit relatives, well that would tell me that I don't rank high enough in her world to waste any more time on.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

A neighbor is from Minnesota. In their neck of the woods, Mother's Day is the opening day for either fishing or hunting. Yep, all the mothers are left home alone while their husbands exercise their God given right to kill. Year after year after year. Last year, she came out here only to take a flight home on Mother's Day because hubby would be home with his trophy. You can't make up this stuff.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

This would bother me. Being away from the kids for 10 days including 3 days at a resort, sounds so wrong. 

I'm really surprised with so many of the women posters here using the overworked mother meme to make this sound even remotely ok. OP's brother has kids under 5. What kind of mother wants to be away from her young children for 10 days? 

Sorry, my spider senses are going off. I recommend that you get your brother the Married Man Sex Life Primer and No More Mr Nice Guy ASAP. He sounds like a doormat.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Just because is not something you or your wife would like or do, doesn't make the op brother a doormat.
We have no idea about this couple's marriage or set up.
Not many people appreciate people randomly interfering in their relationships (especially when it's a issue YOU have and not the couple).


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## kag123 (Feb 6, 2012)

You know what I did on Mother's Day? We had a plan to do a picnic with our friends (and all of our kids) at a local winery for the day. The idea was we could relax and drink while the kids played in the beautiful spring weather. 

Then we woke up that day and my kids were acting like total jerks. Whining and complaining that they didn't want to go. Begging not to go. I could have dragged them anyway because it was mothers day and I thought I *should* spend time with my kids on that day. 

Instead I looked at my husband and begged him to see if he could find a last minute babysitter so that we could go sans our grouchy jerk children. 

His mom came through for us. And we went, and we drank, and we even played with our friends children...while our kids were with their grandma. 

Everyone won. They were happier and so were we. 

So I don't judge. Who cares what other moms do.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Is she a party girl?

https://www.lonelyplanet.com/mexico/baja-california/cabo-san-lucas

"Come to Cabo expecting to toss your inhibitions to the wind – everyone else does. And speaking of wind, this town took a real hammering from Hurricane Odile in 2014. You wouldn't know it now though. Where else do clubs round up conga lines so that waiters can pour tequila down dancers’ throats?"


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> A neighbor is from Minnesota. In their neck of the woods, Mother's Day is the opening day for either fishing or hunting. Yep, all the mothers are left home alone while their husbands exercise their God given right to kill. Year after year after year. Last year, she came out here only to take a flight home on Mother's Day because hubby would be home with his trophy. You can't make up this stuff.


Born and raised in MN as is my family...yep not true

http://www.dnr.state.mn.us/fishing/seasons.html

Since MN is deeply entrenched in the "happy wife happy life" theory of life this would never work there even if it was true lol


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Wolf1974 said:


> Born and raised in MN as is my family...yep not true
> 
> Fishing seasons: Minnesota DNR
> 
> Since MN is deeply entrenched in the "happy wife happy life" theory of life this would never work there even if it was true lol


Well, it looks like her son (who is a professor at UCSD) lied. Of course, that would mean that you are familiar with every little pitstop and hamlet in the state.


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I've lived in MN my whole life. Walleye season is the holy grail for peeps here. Very often opening weekend does fall on Mothers Day. Because the opener moves around, as well as Mothers Day moves somewhat, they don't always line up. This year Mothers Day was as early as possible so they didn't line up. As the holiday moves forward they will realign and happen simultaneously. It probably happens more than half the time though.... So your friend didn't lie, Mother's Day and fishing are competing events here.

http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2015/05/06/good-question-whys-the-fishing-opener-on-mothers-day/


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

jsmart said:


> This would bother me. Being away from the kids for 10 days including 3 days at a resort, sounds so wrong.
> 
> I'm really surprised with so many of the women posters here using the overworked mother meme to make this sound even remotely ok. OP's brother has kids under 5. What kind of mother wants to be away from her young children for 10 days?
> 
> Sorry, my spider senses are going off. I recommend that you get your brother the Married Man Sex Life Primer and No More Mr Nice Guy ASAP. He sounds like a doormat.


Part of my concern is that my brother is falling into the same pitfalls that I have in my marriage. He is very passive and his wife usually gets her way. These two books have helped me tremendously. I'll be the first to admit I have a long way to go. 



TiggyBlue said:


> Just because is not something you or your wife would like or do, doesn't make the op brother a doormat.
> We have no idea about this couple's marriage or set up.
> Not many people appreciate people randomly interfering in their relationships (especially when it's a issue YOU have and not the couple).


I do agree with you. He has never asked for my advice so I am keeping my mouth shut.


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## SofaKingWeToddId (Feb 7, 2013)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Is she a party girl?
> 
> https://www.lonelyplanet.com/mexico/baja-california/cabo-san-lucas
> 
> "Come to Cabo expecting to toss your inhibitions to the wind – everyone else does. And speaking of wind, this town took a real hammering from Hurricane Odile in 2014. You wouldn't know it now though. Where else do clubs round up conga lines so that waiters can pour tequila down dancers’ throats?"


She isn't a party girl so I'm not too concerned with this.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

SofaKingWeToddId said:


> Part of my concern is that my brother is falling into the same pitfalls that I have in my marriage. *He is very passive and his wife usually gets her way.* These two books have helped me tremendously. I'll be the first to admit I have a long way to go.
> 
> 
> 
> I do agree with you. *He has never asked for my advice so I am keeping my mouth shut*.


You've been on TAM for years, so I'm sure you've read MANY threads. You know in your heart that something is not right. Getting the MMSL primer in his hands is not prying. Just buy it for him and say that it has helped you. 

I had a feeling about your brother letting his wife run the show. Women hate being with a weak man. Doesn't mean they want a controlling [email protected] but they generally don't respect a man they can rule. And if she doesn't respect you, she's not attracted to you.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Well, it looks like her son (who is a professor at UCSD) lied. Of course, that would mean that you are familiar with every little pitstop and hamlet in the state.


Nope apparently just more familiar than him I guess


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

Giro flee said:


> I've lived in MN my whole life. Walleye season is the holy grail for peeps here. Very often opening weekend does fall on Mothers Day. Because the opener moves around, as well as Mothers Day moves somewhat, they don't always line up. This year Mothers Day was as early as possible so they didn't line up. As the holiday moves forward they will realign and happen simultaneously. It probably happens more than half the time though.... So your friend didn't lie, Mother's Day and fishing are competing events here.
> 
> Good Question: Why?s The Fishing Opener On Mother?s Day? « WCCO | CBS Minnesota


He maybe didn't lie but he is mistaken from the post which said it was the same DAY. It never is.

I go home every year for the walleye opener which is always a Saturday, getting on a plane tomorrow for this. Mother's Day is always on a Sunday. So while the weekends have intersected and I have spent many an opener on the lake with my father on Saturday and Mother's Day with my mother on Sunday the days don't intersect. Maybe they had openers on Sunday's way back when?


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

It would have been nice and a little reassuring if she had asked her husband if he could join her even if that could not happen


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