# Good Friday....yeah right



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

So hear it is 12:26am, Good Friday, sure doesn't feel like it. I am really starting to think that I'm not going to come through this to the other side. The cross I'm having to bear right now has been way to heavy. I look towards the future and I see blackness. I know I have my children, but they have their mother, that's good enough for them right??? 

I might not be back on this board for a bit, I don't know. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone because I can't be the man I need to be to get through this. Bandit Canguy I'm sorry I've not been strong like you, I'm trying. Mits like the loss I've suffered has cut me too deep, I just can't seem to recover.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Proud -- please get yourself some help -- someone you can talk to face to face. You have a lot of love for your children and they need you. Their mom is just their mom - she can't be their dad. Only you can do that. They need both of you. 

I've read your posts and you are a good man. I'm sorry you are going through this. You certainly don't deserve it. But we care about you on here, and we want to know you're OK. Nobody thinks badly of you because you are hurting. We understand, but you need to have someone close to where you are. I don't remember -- are you in IC? Can you call someone later today?


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## alone_not_lonely (Mar 22, 2012)

Whoa! Hang on there! You aren't disappointing ANYONE on here! We are the last people you should have to worry about disappointing, and you're not, so it's a non-issue  You are hanging in there best you can and are doing a damn fine job of it.
I PROMISE, absolutely PROMISE, you it will get better. Things are still so fresh for you, it's no wonder you are still hurting. And the holiday coming up so soon makes it worse.
Hang in here with us, I know it's hard seeing you have used up so much strength already, but you still have so much more you never even knew existed.
I've sent you a pm, ok?


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## solitudeseeker (May 1, 2011)

One breath at a time, one minute at a time. In Buddhist philosophy, nothing lasts forever - and that means that your suffering will lift. It may be gradual, but it will lift, and you will emerge into the sunlight again.

You do have what it takes. Hang on.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> So hear it is 12:26am, Good Friday, sure doesn't feel like it. I am really starting to think that I'm not going to come through this to the other side. The cross I'm having to bear right now has been way to heavy. I look towards the future and I see blackness. I know I have my children, but they have their mother, that's good enough for them right???
> 
> I might not be back on this board for a bit, I don't know. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone because I can't be the man I need to be to get through this. Bandit Canguy I'm sorry I've not been strong like you, I'm trying. Mits like the loss I've suffered has cut me too deep, I just can't seem to recover.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Proud. It's not about disappointing anyone on the board, but about torturing yourself. I still have my rough moments, and they've no easy. 

Right now you're just swinging back and forth from strength to pity parties and back again. Wild roller coaster rides I know all too well. But... here we are. It's Friday, April 6th. What are you going to choose to do with your day to help you move forward.

Much of getting through this is about choice. Even when there are backslides and emotional moments, it's about choice. Always. Maybe that's why you think guys like Bandit and me are strong. You know we have our rough moments, but we choose to move forward, realize we deserve better, and take steps to be part of our own solutions.

I strongly advise you to keep busier. Idle time is the hardest. Go for a walk, see a movie, see friends, plan for time with a friend so you have something to look forward to, read the self-help books... you're in a rut right now, and YOUR choices are what will help notch out the holes you need to pull yourself out.

It will take time to build your strength back up, as long as your're part of YOUR own solution. 

You're shown flashes of progress and realization. Remember those moments and build on them. That's part of what will get all of us "dumpees" to the other side. Also remember the power of positive thinking. It's like my counselor told me when I said I was "not out of the woods yet". She told me to think of it as I am "almost out of the woods". Something about giving positive thoughts to my subconscious. While the new age-y type, sure, I'll try this. You should too.

Hold on. It will get better.


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## scione (Jul 11, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> So hear it is 12:26am, Good Friday, sure doesn't feel like it. I am really starting to think that I'm not going to come through this to the other side. The cross I'm having to bear right now has been way to heavy. I look towards the future and I see blackness. I know I have my children, but they have their mother, that's good enough for them right???
> 
> I might not be back on this board for a bit, I don't know. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone because I can't be the man I need to be to get through this. Bandit Canguy I'm sorry I've not been strong like you, I'm trying. Mits like the loss I've suffered has cut me too deep, I just can't seem to recover.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Proudwidaddy, you are not the only one that feel this way. Not everyone is strong like Bandit or Canguy, but you just need to be strong enough. I also feel like I disappointed myself and everyone else that I can't break through this. The feeling is too strong, but you just need to be strong enough.

The feeling you have is normal. You've been with your wife for so long and you have kids with her. Of course, you are going to miss her. You can't undo the feeling you have for years in matter of months. Just like people who do drugs, you can't just quit cold. You have to slowly adjust. Adjust to your new life.

Think about the possibility. You will be happy again in the future. I guaranteed 100%. After you get through this, you will be much stronger, and nothing can hurt you like this anymore.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Proud: Let me join the TAM choir in saying that your presence, my presence, and everyone elses on here is for the good. With rare exception, everyone on here is going through relationship problems of some kind or another. This site gives us all the opportunity to be counseled as well as the opportunity to serve in the role of counselor. We are all here to build each other up in our times of difficulty, to empathize, and to offer heart-felt advice and to humor one another.

Please remember Good Friday as the day that Christ died for us and opened the door for our eternal salvation. That is why it is so special. There is no question that Christ carried the biggest and most cumbersome cross of all. It makes ours pale in comparison. But always remember that while we all have vastly smaller crosses to bear, we should be in a position to put our crosses down and help our brothers and sisters in carrying theirs for a little while. In my minds eye, that what TAM richly affords us.

I hope for your sake and for ours that you stay with us, for your presence would be greatly missed by all of us here. May our Lord and Saviour's presence continue to be with you and may He keep his hand on you in all that you do!


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Just be glad you have this board. I did not have this board during my maritial issues and do you know who I talked to every night? A bottle of wine and 3-4 vicodin.....

Don't go down THAT road...!


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## OldGirl (Feb 20, 2012)

Proud - you've never disappointed anyone here. We all just want to see you get better. I think you show a lot of courage; you're so open with your emotions. 

So, I'm going to be like you, and take a chance, and tell you what I really think of you. I think of you like a big, sweet, slightly goofy kid brother. Sometimes I want to hug you, and sometimes I want to kick your ass. But mostly I want to beg you to understand that it's not YOU it's HER. 

Listen to Canguy and Bandit and the others on here with great advice, and don't worry about dissapointing anyone. Keep being open with us, and telling us how you feel, the good and the bad.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

At the end of the day, easter weekend is just three days on a calendaer. They really mean nothing unless you are religious.

Keep posting and stay with us. Why would you abandon your friends? That's just stupid.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Don't go anywhere, proud. Just keep typing and get it all out. Days like this are normal, especially holidays. Are you religious? I dont' know, but if you are, maybe a visit to your place of worship would be good for you. Especially this weekend as Easter is the celebration of renewal and God's promise to His people.

Just a thought. If you're not religious, then keep posting and talk some sh1t and feel better.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

scione said:


> Not everyone is strong like Bandit or Canguy, but you just need to be strong enough. I also feel like I disappointed myself and everyone else that I can't break through this. The feeling is too strong, but you just need to be strong enough.


I wish you guys would quit thinking I'm strong. I'm no stronger than any of you. I come across as strong because I am a straight talker. I've never been one to bandy words... I say what I think. That doesn't mean I'm any tougher or less prone to emotional trauma than any of you.

Last Sunday night, after I got home from the hospital, and my wife told me she was moving to California to be with her lover, I broke down and cried for two hours straight once the impact of it all hit me. I'm no superman, just a man like all of you. 

Scione, Proud, Canguy... you all need this board as much as I do. TAM has been the one constant in a quickly changing world for me. I don't know what I would do without all my TAM friends.


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## Jayb (Mar 6, 2012)

Hey Proud - Don't go away! You're 1 of those I rely on due to similar situations. Sometimes, I don't know where I'm going, or what I'm doing. TAM gets me through those moments. We need you here to offer advice and counsel to guys like me, who are new here, and are newbies to the entire 180/waw/separation/divorce, etc.

Everyone has your back. And I thank you for the wisdom you provide. 

You're ok. You'll get through. Let's all do this together.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

OldGirl said:


> Sometimes I want to hug you, and sometimes I want to kick your ass. But mostly I want to beg you to understand that it's not YOU it's HER.


I'll second that, but lately, I've been wanting to kick your ass more than anything else. In a supportive way, that is.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

proudwidaddy said:


> So hear it is 12:26am, Good Friday, sure doesn't feel like it. I am really starting to think that I'm not going to come through this to the other side. The cross I'm having to bear right now has been way to heavy. I look towards the future and I see blackness. I know I have my children, but they have their mother, that's good enough for them right???
> 
> I might not be back on this board for a bit, I don't know. I feel like I'm disappointing everyone because I can't be the man I need to be to get through this. Bandit Canguy I'm sorry I've not been strong like you, I'm trying. Mits like the loss I've suffered has cut me too deep, I just can't seem to recover.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's not about being a man, you are suffering like everyone else going through the same thing. Don't think you are lesser than, it's a painful process to go through, I'll be the first to admit, instead of getting sad and depressed, I get angry, we all deal with it differently.

Maybe you should try some meds, it really does help.

good luck


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I'm going to be a d!ck for a moment but....

Proud needs to quit being so self absorbed and start taking interest in what other people are going through. He has started numerous threads, all dealing with the same thing: his wife's leaving him. Yet I see few posts from him to other people's threads, offering advice to help them out. 

Proud comes across as self-absorbed and overly needy. Am I the only one who sees this? 

Not trying to pound on you Proud, you are my friend. But dude, this sh*t is starting to get redundant, and frankly we're getting a bit tired of it.


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Bandit you are dead on with your assessment, it is time to come out of my shell, realiza and ACCEPT what happen, start living life, and move on. I appreciate your smack to my head with your 2x4
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

proudwidaddy said:


> Bandit you are dead on with your assessment, it is time to come out of my shell, realiza and ACCEPT what happen, start living life, and move on. I appreciate your smack to my head with your 2x4
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



Sorry for your struggles! Help people with your good advice and that will help you feel better!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Bandit you are dead on with your assessment, it is time to come out of my shell, realiza and ACCEPT what happen, start living life, and move on. I appreciate your smack to my head with your 2x4
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Glad you're back on deck, Proud!


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