# HA HA thread posts were right.....



## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

so I just wanted all you knowledgeable posters in the world of TAM out there to know you were right.......you should all pat yourselfs on the back numerous times......as you know from my previous threads I am lonely and not getting it in the bedroom.....so stupid me started an EA really I guess.....didnt realize it at first but pure sexual....EA ..... HA and he just dropped the bomb on me right now......that he will no longer talk to me etc.....you know the drill....and so do I 

I am a dumb a** and should have known better it got me no where and still am alone with only tears in my eyes and feeling like a the failure I am !!!!!

So just wanted you all to know you are a great judge of character....you knew I would do it and you knew I would look LIKE a FOOL......and I sit here LIKE a FOOL...

TOPAZ


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

And so you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. You made a mistake, hopefully you will learn from it.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Jamison said:


> And so you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. You made a mistake, hopefully you will learn from it.


Dont know if I can.....but will try ....I always feel so stupid.....my whole growing up life.....my whole adult life.....my whole married life.....its like......what the heck is wrong with you!!! all you do is f*** up.....

I have no one to talk to ..... not my H, I have no friends here, nothing....so here I sit....do I dwell? I guess I will keep reading TAM and hope I can get thru it and know I was stupid....and weak ...... and so trusting.....so so trusting.....


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## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

Why don't you have friends? Everyone needs at least one good one.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Jamison said:


> Why don't you have friends? Everyone needs at least one good one.


I do have a great BFF but she would never understand this plus does not live here she lives back where I am from......long ways away!!!! ha ha such it goes......


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Stop beating yourself up, or bad things will continue happening to you.
It becomes a self fulfilling prophesy, a bad cycle
I don't know the background to your story, but what I do know is that you were able to see exactly where you went wrong and admit it to yourself,
This is good.

Dust the dirt off your shoulder and move on.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Stop beating yourself up, or bad things will continue happening to you.
> It becomes a self fulfilling prophesy, a bad cycle
> I don't know the background to your story, but what I do know is that you were able to see exactly where you went wrong and admit it to yourself,
> This is good.
> ...


Thanks I am so trying.....this guy told me I was HOT when no one will not even my own H.....I am so trying I swear.....I will cry a few more tears....then that is it.....I am so DUMB he is married ...I am married....how stupid....

I will be fine I always am just had to get it off my chest because I was so mad and hurt.....but knew that I knew better know what I mean?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> Thanks I am so trying.....this guy told me I was HOT when no one will not even my own H.....I am so trying I swear.....I will cry a few more tears....then that is it.....I am so DUMB he is married ...I am married....how stupid....
> 
> I will be fine I always am just had to get it off my chest because I was so mad and hurt.....*but knew that I knew better know what I mean?*


I understand.
But sometimes _" the heart is not so smart ."_

But you must know to yourself that you are HOT. Yes its nice to hear it from your husband and any random guy.
But when you second guess yourself, and beat yourself up, you make it easier for guys simply to take advantage of your situation.
Its a bad , self destructive cycle.
What's important is what/ how we feel about ourselves. 
Try to fill your life with positive friendships that can add value to your existence.
Shallow negative people will only continue bringing you down.
Happiness comes from within.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> I understand.
> But sometimes _" the heart is not so smart ."_
> 
> But you must know to yourself that you are HOT. Yes its nice to hear it from your husband and any random guy.
> ...


I hope to get there someday where I believe that.....but no I am not there....have never been and that is my fault....not my H or this other guys.....

thanks again ......


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Why dont you start working out or something at a local gym that way you could meet some other gals or something ??


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

'


In_The_Wind said:


> Why dont you start working out or something at a local gym that way you could meet some other gals or something ??


I work out at home.....have a treadmil....weights etc....thanks for the thought.....its ok....I just got to get my head out of my a$$ ha ha:rofl:

all my life I have been a tomboy....overweight...at one point I was like 375 lbs....I am now 186 at 5'9" so I have made major changes have about 50 lbs to go.....so I always was made fun of....but that is how I got my back bone....and would say screw u....but right now am just a little vulnerable....ha ha it will be good like I say head out of a$$:rofl:


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Pole dancing did wonders for my wife's figure and confidence, you'll meet people who will encourage your confidence too


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

In_The_Wind said:


> Why dont you start working out or something at a local gym that way you could meet some other gals or something ??


Excercise really helped me just feel better about myself....and got me social again.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

TopazGal said:


> so I just wanted all you knowledgeable posters in the world of TAM out there to know you were right.......you should all pat yourselfs on the back numerous times......as you know from my previous threads I am lonely and not getting it in the bedroom.....so stupid me started an EA really I guess.....didnt realize it at first but pure sexual....EA ..... HA and he just dropped the bomb on me right now......that he will no longer talk to me etc.....you know the drill....and so do I
> 
> I am a dumb a** and should have known better it got me no where and still am alone with only tears in my eyes and feeling like a the failure I am !!!!!
> 
> ...


Sounds like you are a bona fide....

HUMAN.

Just like the rest of us.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Sounds like you are a bona fide....
> 
> HUMAN.
> 
> Just like the rest of us.


thanks that I am ..... a human....


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Crap...very sorry to hear. Your H is no doubt pizzed at you now. Give him a little space. Is he actually moving forward with a D now? Maybe the two of you could benefit from MC?


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Crap...very sorry to hear. Your H is no doubt pizzed at you now. Give him a little space. Is he actually moving forward with a D now? Maybe the two of you could benefit from MC?


He does not know.....it was an EA that involved sexual talk so if I am saying the wrong thing tell me not physical....maybe I dont know what I am talking about.....which again would make me dumb right????? like always.....it was pics...texting....all sexual.....and a few bits personal knowledge


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> He does not know.....it was an EA that involved sxual talk so if I am saying the wrong thing tell me not physical....maybe I dont know what I am talking about.....which again would make me dumb right????? like always.....it was pics...texting....all sxual.....and a few bits personal knowledge


Oh...I thought you meant your hubby here - *"HA and he just dropped the bomb on me right now......that he will no longer talk to me etc.....you know the drill....and so do I"*

You F'd up, but you aren't dumb, so stop saying/thinking that. Hopefully you have cut ALL contact with the EA, right? You said he (the EA) won't talk to you, but that doesn't mean he won't reach out to you later. Again, sorry you're going through this.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

TopazGal said:


> thanks that I am ..... a human....


It sounds like there was a sort of basis for the path you chose. Things don't happen out of nowhere. So instead of feeling horrible about what you did, take a step back and look, and see yourself at that time as someone with legitimate needs, and think about how you can help that person attend to them. Try to be open-minded. Feel what is healthy and what isn't. Every day try to do things that promote the person that is you, in the direction you want to evolve. The thing is to do more towards that direction than the other direction, on average, and to be observant rather than critical about any shortcomings you might notice. If you are critical of the perceived shortcomings, you won't be able to get close enough to them to see where they are coming from. Where they come from is a legitimate source, even if you think it is a bad place, usually it just arises from being human. But if you are afraid to go to that place, you can't gain any understanding. Everyone has two sides their 'evil' impulses like greed, paranoia, insecurity, oneupmanship, lust, etc. as well as all the wonderful attributes that we like to acknowledge so much more often. If you ignore this 'bad' side and don't get comfortable with knowing it, that's when it can take advantage of you. So don't let it. Be okay with what happened (this is different than saying it was a good thing), and you will gain a lot of knowledge of yourself that will give you more power (good power.)


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Oh...I thought you meant your hubby here - *"HA and he just dropped the bomb on me right now......that he will no longer talk to me etc.....you know the drill....and so do I"*
> 
> You F'd up, but you aren't dumb, so stop saying/thinking that. Hopefully you have cut ALL contact with the EA, right? You said he (the EA) won't talk to you, but that doesn't mean he won't reach out to you later. Again, sorry you're going through this.


I asked him to erase all my s*** from his phone he said he did & I have done the same.....the sexual part or texting I had never said things like that ..... He got me good.....so embarrassed.....never been so embarrassed in my life.....


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> *Be okay with what happened (this is different than saying it was a good thing), and you will gain a lot of knowledge of yourself that will give you more power (good power.)*


^^^^^^^
This is what I was trying to say earlier.
The other thing is that you may not want to tell your husband, but you should. Take this experience, use it as a stepping stone and both of you head to a marriage counsellor , like Thunderstruck said earlier.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> ^^^^^^^
> The other thing is that you may not want to tell your husband, but you should.


That's your next big decision. 

If you don't tell...you get to sit around for the rest of your marriage wondering if the OM and/or his wife will contact your hubby with the evidence. The OM claims that he deleted your pics, but he may have kept a few of the hot ones for later viewing.


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> That's your next big decision.
> 
> If you don't tell...you get to sit around for the rest of your marriage wondering if the OM and/or his wife will contact your hubby with the evidence. The OM claims that he deleted your pics, but he may have kept a few of the hot ones for later viewing.


how will he contact him he only has my info?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> how will he contact him he only has my info?


As long as he has your info he can do a websearch and get your husband's info.
He can be the manipulative type who will use those pics against you .

In any event, even though he may never contact your husband,telling him the truth is necessary.
It is part of taking responsibility for your actions.

If you all should go to MC,
The truth will come out anyway. Its the only way to let the healing process start, either for you, or both of you as a married couple.


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## thunderstruck (May 9, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> how will he contact him he only has my info?


Countless ways for him, or more likely his wife, to find you and your hubby. PI, FB, simply Googling your name to get your address, mutual friends...

If you were the OM's W, and you found those pics/texts, how pizzed would you be, and how far would you go?


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

IDK ......thank goodness very little personal info was exchanged. I hope he is not that mean....but who knows

I will have to take time....to think and idk...thanks for advice....my h will never go to counceling has already told me that.....so lots of problems everywher....that is just the way my life is.....f d up....


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

thunderstruck said:


> Countless ways for him, or more likely his wife, to find you and your hubby. PI, FB, simply Googling your name to get your address, mutual friends...
> 
> If you were the OM's W, and you found those pics/texts, how pizzed would you be, and how far would you go?


no possible way....

and i would be pizzed....but would not go far.....just get rid of H


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Just send the hot ones to me for safe keeping I dont kiss and tell just kidding


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Topaz,

The sad fact is that once picyures (and of course words) are out in the digital domain, they can remain there forever.

What's to keep this guy from sharing the pics with his buddies? Post them on a website?


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## TopazGal (Sep 9, 2012)

Toffer said:


> Topaz,
> 
> The sad fact is that once picyures (and of course words) are out in the digital domain, they can remain there forever.
> 
> What's to keep this guy from sharing the pics with his buddies? Post them on a website?


well I guess if he does he does....I have pics too...but I would not sink that low.....IDK well I am more stressed now than ever but oh well.....what am I to do but move forward.....


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

TopazGal said:


> no possible way....
> 
> and i would be pizzed....but would not go far.....just get rid of H


Topaz, I hate to say that you really have no proof that he deleted everything. He could very well have just said that to placate you. He could have sent them to his email address or even saved them to a folder on his computer. You really only have his WORD to go by. And, he could have kept your info in his phone. Wife can get this info pretty easily. If she is so inclined, she can find out anything she wants about you, and your husband. This is why everyone is counseling you to tell your husband about the EA. Yes, it is a hard thing to do. I've been there. Maybe he won't see it as anything detrimental. Maybe he will. And maybe this will get him thinking that maybe your sex life is lacking, as you have stated. Don't put the blame on him for straying. That's not what I mean. But, what telling him could do is wake him up to the possibility that he could lose you. I do hope you would not do this again. And I hope you won't have a PA. If it looks like that is the way things are headed, do yourself a favor and split with your husband first.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

What about individual counselling to help you deal with this? It may help to put things into perspective and perhaps develop strategies to get what you want from your husband.


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## tonyarz (Sep 15, 2012)

you live and learn. Don't be so hard on yourself Topaz!


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## JustAnotherMan (Jun 27, 2012)

So, after talking with hubby about needing more "attention" intimately he declines.

You have sexual intimate discussions with a married man...we all know this is the wrong way to deal with this...but, we are all human and have needs and desires.

Hubby finds out about said indiscretion and loses it...stops talking to you.

Topaz, I hope he sees how much you really need his attention...now.


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