# pregnant and husband left



## lindseyh614 (Apr 1, 2016)

I'm currently 4 months pregnant, my husband and i have a 2 year old son together and have been married 3 years, together for 4. the day before easter i found out he's been having a texting relationship with his 19 year old coworker and that they're "in love" and want to be together. he says he doesn't love me anymore and hasn't been happy for awhile. this is the third time he has left me, the previous two times were for his ex wife. i know i should be done, i should just let him go but i'm so heartbroken. i just want my family. he was my best friend, my go to... i knew he was unhappy with our living situation but he was always telling me he loved me and that he was happy being married to me and i was stuck with him and bam, this happens.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Pull up your boostraps and get yourself and your children a place to live and forget about that good for nothing. You do NOT need him or any man to be a good mother. Adopt the attitude that you're going to take care of your kids and yourself BY yourself, and if you happen to meet a guy sometime in the future who you want to be with, then be with him. but NEVER be with a man because you NEED to be with him. You and those two kids are your family now. Period. Your husband has been stringing you along for years and lying to you and cheating on you.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

How old are the two of you? How is your living arrangement? Do you suffer from oneitis? Did he cheat on his ex and do you really know the story?

Well, the first thing to do is not to communicate about your relationship because there is no relationship, he left you for someone else again. Plus, his history of behavior shows he is a risk to run and find solace in others should stress and responsibilities are too great. Just a guess anyways. Can you describe your relationship even further?


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## anewstine (Mar 23, 2016)

lindseyh
I am so sorry that you and your kids are going through this. I understand you wanting to keep your family together. I was the same way. I am trying to focus on me and my son and getting healthy boundaries set up via a divorce with his "going through a mid life crisis" dad. I don't understand how these people can do this to their so called families and then sleep at night. Although this whole situation is fairly new to me, he cheated late Jan, I have read enough here and gotten enough feedback to know that cheaters often just change from one day to the next like a switch was flicked. And often take no responsibility for it. I know that is what has happened to me anyway. PM me if you need to chat more.


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## drleo1 (Jan 22, 2016)

Once a cheater always a cheater, he will never stop cheating on you, why do you keep on letting him back into your life when you know he will hurt you again ? you don't need a man of his kind, your can be much better without him. let him go and be with his 19 yr old girlfriend. any way it all in your hand to decide whether to end your marriage or to wait for him until he is done with his 19 yr old girlfriend


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Did he also cheat on his first wife? It sounds to me like your husband is a serial cheater and until he wants to change and actually takes steps to get the help he needs this will not change. Most serial cheaters or addicts will not stop until their life has them down and they are hurting. If you keep taking this man back he realizes that he can cheat on you and you will accept him back, this is not good for you and is not healthy for your children to grow up with.

My first husband was a serial cheater and like your husband he too would be so loving towards me, would kiss and hug me just passing one another in the kitchen. He would tell me how much I meant to him and how lucky he was to have me. He certainly had a sexual appetite but I never thought he would be chasing after other women. Was I ever wrong! After 7 years of marriage and 2 children, our youngest was not even walking, he became involved with an older women that he had fallen in love with. The other women before were one nights stands, flings (I didn't know about these at the time) but when he fell in love with this other woman he became angry towards me, pushing me away, spending more time away from home. He still wanted sex and if I was too tired he would go into a physical rage and storm out the door telling me he was going to find it elsewhere. His behavior was so different than he had been and I had been talking to his mom about it. She told me she thought he was having an affair and to follow him which I did and sure enough. I watched them thru a window where she worked. I was so sick. I waited til he came out and asked him to talk. He admitted to the affair and he filed for divorce. This was my high school sweetheart and I was heart broke.

I wanted him to seek help, asked him to please think about the children. I didn't want the kids to be part of a step family. He was set, he was in love, he didn't want help. The affair didn't last, she broke up with him, he had cheated on her too. He then remarried a woman several years younger and cheated on her as well. He is now with someone else and has cheated on her too. Men like this are not able to faithful to any partner. It is not about you. This is a problem they have but effects those that are close to them.

Save yourself and your children and get out of that marriage. Find counseling, surround yourself with friends who will support you. Let this man go. He is not good for you.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I agree with the cheating thing....a serial cheater is pretty much what you will get.

Having your heart catch up to your head, especially with such a young family and a baby on the way.....ugh! Hugs to you. I can only imagine how this makes it more difficult.

You've been married a short time. How would you like to go another 3-4 years exactly like this? Not knowing if he will stay/go?? You will never have security unless he makes sincere changes.

My recommendation is to remain separated. The moment, if he has one, that he wants to come back and is saying "I am sorry" don't let him. Give him your expectations in order for him to return (individual counseling; marriage counseling; church attendance; dating for 6 months; etc). Whatever it is that you would need/wants from him to feel secure. If he cannot or will not do what you need, then he is a quitter/coward. 

Let him be someone else's "quitter." You and your children don't need it for a lifetime.


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## darwinl (Apr 3, 2016)

Corpuswife said:


> I agree with the cheating thing....a serial cheater is pretty much what you will get.
> 
> Having your heart catch up to your head, especially with such a young family and a baby on the way.....ugh! Hugs to you. I can only imagine how this makes it more difficult.
> 
> ...




Gramps here. Don't take the unrepentant jerk back again. Each time you've taken him back you have played Russian Roulette with your health. You don't really want to take that risk again. Your 2 children do need a genuine father, but there are worlds of difference between a sire and a father. Genuine fathers first gift to their children is to love their mother above all other human relationships in his life, for the entire length of his life. That hasn't always been easy for both of us, but has always been worth it. Raise your standards. Why waste any more of your life on losers who only want to use you as a disposable toy? A man who truly loves you will happily wait until he has exchanged proper wedding vows with you before taking you to bed. 
Faithful men do exist. My wife and I gave away our virginity 44 years ago, on the second night we were married. Having no experience, being quite tired, we didn't quite know how to get things started, so sleeping seemed the best option. The discoveries we've shared together over the years more than made up for the clumsiness that first night. She is the only person I've ever had sex with, and she has given me that same level of honor as well. 
Both of her parents and both of mine gave us the same example that we through the grace of God, have been able to set for our children, and grandchildren. Our children and their mates are working toward passing on that same example as well. 
My heart truly aches for young women like you, who have been cheated of that privilege and gift by a self centered bastard who "learned" about women and sex by viewing porn and talking mythical filth with other equally selfish males in locker rooms or wherever. A genuine man understands the lifetime responsibilities which become his, BEFORE he plants the seed of new human life in a lady's belly. 
Manhood is neither achieved nor expressed by adult males who don't get that. 
Well enough for now from a frustrated old man, who is simply fed up with selfish crap he sees being pandered about as "love."


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## Mrs. Rodriguez (Aug 5, 2012)

You know what you need to do. 
But you will be okay, I promise. It's going to be hard but it will get better. He will eventually come back running when he realizes his mess up but you have to be prepared for that. He betrayed you. 
I promise you can do it. I was a single mom with two little ones and I felt so free and independent and strong. I did every bath time, every bed time, morning routine and felt so proud and strong. I'm remarried and very happy I left. Never looked back. Left from sexual rejection


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## lindseyh614 (Apr 1, 2016)

I will be 28 in June and he will be 42 in December. 

I knew he was unhappy with our living situation, he got laid off from the oilfield and we had to move into my parents garage apartment. 

With the exception of him leaving like he has and me having some trust issues, the only other issue we really had was that he drinks beer every day. A 6 pack and 2 tall boys. If he would drink more than that he was like Dr Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... He would get verbally abusive. He cut back his drinking tremendously to keep that from happening anymore. 

He came to see our son yesterday, only stayed an hour and didn't even play with him, just sat and watched him play. I tried to talk to him but he said he had nothing to say, just that he didn't love me anymore and he wasn't coming back. 

I don't see how someone can pretend for so long; send random I love you texts throughout the day on his own without me even texting him anything; randomly taking my hand and looking into my eyes and saying "hey I love you" and I would say "I love you too" and he would say "no i really love you"... I don't understand how that could be faked. If I don't feel anything romantic for a person I can't fake it...


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

lindseyh614 said:


> I will be 28 in June and he will be 42 in December.
> 
> I knew he was unhappy with our living situation, he got laid off from the oilfield and we had to move into my parents garage apartment.
> 
> ...


Lindsey, there's an age difference there. You were awfully young when this man came into your life. I am sure he swept you off your feet. I am afraid you have been married to a manipulator. At the age you met this man you were at a age where life is intense and vulnerable. Were you the affair lady that broke up his first marriage? Were you on the rebound? That all makes a difference too. 

He was more than likely not pretending when he told you all those nice things about you and told you he loved you. Cheaters though are masters and they will repeat those lines to the next lady that they have in their sights. They are always looking for the new grass in the other side of the fence. They seek other woman rather than trying to put the time and effort into their marriage. Many times their past gives the answer to why they are the way they are but many do not have the desire to change.

The person above that introduced himself as Gramps has some very good advise for you.

Do you have family that can help you out?


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## lindseyh614 (Apr 1, 2016)

I would never be with a man knowing he was married! No he was divorced when I met him and I had not been in a relationship in a long time. But yes he did sweep me off my feet, he can be very charming.

Yes I have family very close, we were living with my parents in their garage apartment when this happened, so my son and I are still here and he's staying in a hotel she's helping him pay for.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

What do you parents have to say about this situation? What are their thoughts?


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