# tired of it all...



## calmerjay (Apr 2, 2011)

I have been divorced for 6 years now and come from a marriage of 20 years. I have also come from a mentally abusive relationship. A year before I left the marriage I lost weight and was down to 37kg. I had become anorexic. My husband then didn't see that I was really sick. I believe he turned a blind eye to it. The stress of living with someone where you had to walk on egg shells everyday because you didn't know what mood he was going to be in or whether or not you were doing something wrong in his eyes when you weren't, was soul destroying. Now believe him to be known as a sociopath. i have 2 teenage sons. My eldest nearly 15, lives with me and is experiencing the same feelings as I did when we all lived together. He is now receiving help from a psychologist. His father is ok one minute then gets angry on the phone and hangs up on him. You tend ride the waves of emotion the same as him. Even though we no longer live together he still has an impact on our lives. My youngest shares living with us. When we separated he took everything away from me and he also took custody of the kids just to hurt me and also for me to pay for leaving but was and still is unaware of the treatment I got when I lived with him. At that point I wasn't strong enough to fight so he got everything. I have struggled as I have been self supportive but I still suffer hurt and often have many flash backs from the things he did to hurt me. I cant seem to get things together. Some days are better than others. I am a very kind person and will offer support to anyone that needs it and have been told I am very rare and I think this is due to the things I have experienced and how I now see how important it is more than anything to be aware, to treat people with respect and to be kind. I have put my hand out to many people for help to get myself a better career happening and to find a mentor but no-one wants to help. I have no qualifications as such. I have done things in the past work wise but I didn't enjoy any of them as they were just a means to an end. I have done modelling and many other things but I want to better myself to be an example to my boys. I want to work for myself and I want people to know me for who I am and that is a good person willing to give things a go and have a better life. I dont know how to do that.


----------



## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Are you in counseling? Sounds like you have some post-traumatic stress--like the flashbacks. Without professional help, you could really wander aimlessly in your plan for recovery--can you look for someone, or even a support group? 

Remember that you don't have to solve all of life's issues at once. Pick one thing to work on and do that--counseling, sharpening your employment skills through course work, fitness, whatever. Just focus on that for an appropriate amount of time each day, and devote the rest of your time to your kids and yourself. Try to take pleasure in the little things (it is spring, after all!) and esp start building a network of friends if you do not have one. These are just some ideas; I hope they help. Good luck.


----------

