# Looking for practical options



## sad_cinderella (Mar 30, 2018)

So the backstory. I am the youngest of 2 children, the child of an alcoholic, our family was dysfunctional, sometimes very happy, sometimes not. There were other childhood events/factors that strongly influence the person I developed into, but I do not choose to go on about my childhood trauma. It was many years ago and I have reconciled with my past. However, I do believe that all individuals experience life uniquely based on the impact and perceptions of previous experiences. Every choice, or lack of choice, influences how we act/react in this moment. Denying that would be denying that I have had choices over the years with my husband, and do bear some responsibility for teaching him what I would accept from him.

My story as a BS. We met when I was 14 and fell head over heels immediately. My parents, as you can probably guess, were less than thrilled about my newfound love and immediately disallowed any physical contact. Thus creating a very dramatic, Cinderella story, with my parents respectively cast as the wicked witch and the dragon to slay, and all sorts of romantic notions of riding off into the sunset happily ever after. We did not become sexually involved in any way until 3 months before my 18th birthday. I lost my virginity to him (at 18). We married young and had our first and only child 4 years later. There were many signs, and more than 1 occurrence of outright knowledge, that he had strayed before we were even married, but it did not fit in with my Cinderella story so I very happily denied it to myself and mindlessly forged onward. 

After 16 years of marriage fraught with periods of suspicion and accusations, I found conclusive evidence of my husband having an emotional affair online. Tears, counseling, arguing, and inevitaby true to form I successfully buried my needs and expectations until 5 years ago. Purely accidentally I found evidence of multiple affairs going on for at least a year previous. I confronted him the next day and he admitted to multiple sexting "affairs" and 1 physical affair. I required him to disclose all of his actions to me, our 17 year old, all of my family. Back to the counselor (just as ineffective the 2nd time around). I stood firm, initially anyway. Demanded he leave the home, he insisted he couldn't due to finances. Talked to my mother (now widowed), asked if she would take in the [email protected], she declined because she was concerned "he might feel very uncomfortable"(really?!). I found a variety of what I considered to be very appropriate accomodations for him (flop houses) but he refused to leave. Consultations with attorneys, informed that I could not kick him out unless he presented a danger to someone within the household. Next best solution, he slept on an air mattress out of my bedroom. I cried, ranted, got drunk, made demands of full disclosure/complete transparency. Talked to friends, most of whom inevitably turned the conversation to their issues. Talked to dearly trusted family, who expressed great anger towards my WS but overall believed he was a "changed man", deeply remorseful and in love with me. Several months later, day to day life went on and all was swept under the rug. He never had to face his family or friends, they all still live with the delusion that he is Mr. Wonderful trapped in a marriage with a shrew. That is on me. He knows me well, he knew (and let's be honest so did I) eventually I would just stop talking about it and go back to the same ol', same ol'. The only thing that changed was my ability to say 3 little words. I have not said "I love you" to him since the day I found out 5 years ago. I cannot say those words without trusting him, and as stupid as my actions (inactions) are I am not stupid enough to believe he is remotely trustworthy. 

Last week he asked me to check his email for a document he was waiting for. I did what he asked but the document was not in his email although the sender confirmed it had been sent long before and to the correct address. I did a search of spam/trash using a single letter. Immediately a womans' name popped up I did not recognize. Bells, whistles, and red flags instantaneously swirled in my head, naturally I opened the deleted emails. All were very brief, mostly very benign as well, except one. My husband sent this woman "how about meeting for cocktails tomorrow?". There was no reply, it does not matter. No reply in that thread just tells me they were communicating other ways. We spoke by phone, he claimed she was just someone he met 5 years ago on Craigslist (where he met all of the others) but was only ever friends with. "She's just a nice girl I like to sit and talk with", very telling but I did not confront that over the phone. He said she contacted him and they briefly emailed, he had invited her for drinks just to "talk". Right, sure I was actually born yesterday and buying it. The conversation was put on hold until the next day when I could speak to him face to face. In the interim I did a google search of his "nice girl" friends email address and composed an email of my own to my husband including the first 2 links to his "nice girl" friends porn sites. Next day we sit down. He acknowledges receiving my email. He says "I don't know why I even said that, she isn't a "nice girl" but I swear I never did anything, I thought about it, but then didn't want to do that again (uh huh, of course not!). I repeated back his statement "she's just a nice girl I like to sit and talk with", in other words, you previously "sat and talked". Suddenly his mouth is dry, licking his lips, trying to speak but unable due to dry mouth, shaking and eyes darting around the room. I went on.."1st you do not meet women on Craigslist to have coffee and conversation. I didn't believe you 5 years ago and I do not believe that crap now. 2nd, you just admitted you met with this woman back then (something you denied categorically for 5 years), if you met her then and were not satisfied you would not have opened her email this time. Since you did, and invited her for "cocktails" it was with the express purpose of [email protected]*!ing her. Whether you went through with it or not (I'm quite sure you did) is immaterial. In the past 5 years you have not only consistently lied about everything, you have obviously continued to cheat on me!". More lies, more tears, that will continue for a bit yet I know.

So what am I looking for right now? I have read many threads about polygraphs, voice activated recorders, and scanning deleted files on cell phones. I am tired of playing games with him and want to know how to pursue getting the truth myself through any combination of these means. I have NO idea where polygraphs are done or at what $$$. I am moderately tech savvy. What I will do with what I find, I'm genuinely not sure. But I am tired of torturing myself with ??'s. Before I take next steps, I want to know just how big of a pile I am stepping into! Outside of that I guess I am looking to vent a bit and release some of the poison coursing through me, in anonymity. Sorry THAT process is soooo long! Thank you in advance!


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Unfortunately I have been well versed in this aspect. List what devices he uses and I can give you a recommendation. Tablet, phone, computer and what social networks you know of? For phone please detail if it's Android or Apple and what service and if you are on a shared family plan.


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## sad_cinderella (Mar 30, 2018)

Android, AT&T family plan. Laptop, gmail primary email but Lord knows how many, Facebook constantly from phone and laptop, Linkedin, Craigslist, not sure about other social media, no iPad I know of but does have a Kindle from quite awhile back, I have no idea where it currently is.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

I've never understood the need for some people to gather evidence when they know they already know what has been going on. You have known about multiple indiscretions for an awfully long time . You have known for an awfully long time that your husband is no good, so I don't get why you need to put yourself through all this investigation now. What is the point in hurting yourself? And what is the point in having eivdence to present to him? You already know enough. You already swept everything else under the rug and did nothing about it. And you are not sure what you will do this time. You're right that it's all on you. It always has been. But your past hasn't anything to do with it. The problem is you don't know who you are and until you decide that, you're going to keep torturing yourself and allowing your husband to torture you. You have wasted more than half of your life on this loser. You need to decide now not to waste any more. You can get real with yourself now just as easily as you can after you find out these most recent truths. The only difference is you will save yourself a lot of time and a heck of a lot more heartache.


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## Coach23 (Mar 16, 2018)

I get wanting to get evidence, but only to use in the divorce settlement. Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me. If he is cheating again. I promise you he will ALWAYS be a cheater. He will just get better at concealing it. If he is cheating again. No other course of action other then Divorce or you will always be nothing more then a doormat.


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

StarFires said:


> I've never understood the need for some people to gather evidence when they know they already know what has been going on. You have known about multiple indiscretions for an awfully long time . You have known for an awfully long time that your husband is no good, so I don't get why you need to put yourself through all this investigation now. What is the point in hurting yourself? And what is the point in having eivdence to present to him? You already know enough. You already swept everything else under the rug and did nothing about it. And you are not sure what you will do this time. You're right that it's all on you. It always has been. But your past hasn't anything to do with it. The problem is you don't know who you are and until you decide that, you're going to keep torturing yourself and allowing your husband to torture you. You have wasted more than half of your life on this loser. You need to decide now not to waste any more. You can get real with yourself now just as easily as you can after you find out these most recent truths. The only difference is you will save yourself a lot of time and a heck of a lot more heartache.


Yeah evidence of what he is and what OP should do is already there, as plain as day but coming from someone that is dealing with this, there is just something about the last bit of CURRENT evidence that puts it over the hump and give you the edge and anger you need to proceed and stay strong. The evidence you can convince yourself with that you are indeed doing the right thing. It's always easy for the outside to know what the right thing is and it's usually the 100% damn right thing to do but when you are in it, in the moment, it's so hard emotionally to discard the positives when you are a dedicated person that was the giver in the relationship.

sad_cinderalla, I would go from the highest percentage area and the low hanging fruit, which is logging into the online ATT Account and looking at usage, looking at common numbers texted or called that you don't recognize. With ATT's online account, I believe you can even read the messages, messages he would have deleted on his device but are stored on the cloud. The only issue there is that if he has already registered for the online account, he would be notified that someone is getting into it. First find out if there is an account setup for you to see your plan and usage online.

https://www.att.com/my/


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

stillfightingforus said:


> Yeah evidence of what he is and what OP should do is already there, as plain as day but coming from someone that is dealing with this, there is just something about the last bit of CURRENT evidence that puts it over the hump and give you the edge and anger you need to proceed and stay strong. The evidence you can convince yourself with that you are indeed doing the right thing. It's always easy for the outside to know what the right thing is and it's usually the 100% damn right thing to do but when you are in it, in the moment, it's so hard emotionally to discard the positives when you are a dedicated person that was the giver in the relationship.


You're confirming that people too often don't know who they are. If it takes all this on top of everything she already knows about THIS incident(s) and all the previous ones, it just doesn't make sense no matter how it is explained or how someone wants to justify it. Also, to be the giver in the relationship is the same thing. You don't know who you are and need to decide that in order to become that. As a teenager, I said to myself and stated to others "If my boyfriend cheats on me, then it's over." And that became one my rules - one of my many standards - by which I governed myself and the men I met, dated, and married. I don't doubt it's hard but with no standards and nothing by which to govern one's life and those who are in it, then it is infinitely more difficult to make such important decisions. On top of that, I would never be the giver. Relationships and marriage are give and take for me, so if I am the one giving with little or nothing in return, then it's not enough to sustain me in the relationship. That is a matter of self worth, without which a person doesn't know who they are. No self worth, no self esteem, no sense of who you are, and you will accept anything and everything your partner dishes out and constantly sweep it under the rug, and then need to spend time looking for evidence to your occupy mind. If a person needs all that to make a decision on what they already know and previously ignored, they don't know who they are.


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## sad_cinderella (Mar 30, 2018)

StarFires said:


> You're confirming that people too often don't know who they are. If it takes all this on top of everything she already knows about THIS incident(s) and all the previous ones, it just doesn't make sense no matter how it is explained or how someone wants to justify it. Also, to be the giver in the relationship is the same thing. You don't know who you are and need to decide that in order to become that. As a teenager, I said to myself and stated to others "If my boyfriend cheats on me, then it's over." And that became one my rules - one of my many standards - by which I governed myself and the men I met, dated, and married. I don't doubt it's hard but with no standards and nothing by which to govern one's life and those who are in it, then it is infinitely more difficult to make such important decisions. On top of that, I would never be the giver. Relationships and marriage are give and take for me, so if I am the one giving with little or nothing in return, then it's not enough to sustain me in the relationship. That is a matter of self worth, without which a person doesn't know who they are. No self worth, no self esteem, no sense of who you are, and you will accept anything and everything your partner dishes out and constantly sweep it under the rug, and then need to spend time looking for evidence to your occupy mind. If a person needs all that to make a decision on what they already know and previously ignored, they don't know who they are.





stillfightingforus said:


> Yeah evidence of what he is and what OP should do is already there, as plain as day but coming from someone that is dealing with this, there is just something about the last bit of CURRENT evidence that puts it over the hump and give you the edge and anger you need to proceed and stay strong. The evidence you can convince yourself with that you are indeed doing the right thing. It's always easy for the outside to know what the right thing is and it's usually the 100% damn right thing to do but when you are in it, in the moment, it's so hard emotionally to discard the positives when you are a dedicated person that was the giver in the relationship.
> 
> sad_cinderalla, I would go from the highest percentage area and the low hanging fruit, which is logging into the online ATT Account and looking at usage, looking at common numbers texted or called that you don't recognize. With ATT's online account, I believe you can even read the messages, messages he would have deleted on his device but are stored on the cloud. The only issue there is that if he has already registered for the online account, he would be notified that someone is getting into it. First find out if there is an account setup for you to see your plan and usage online.
> 
> ...


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

sad_cinderella said:


> Yeah evidence of what he is and what OP should do is already there, as plain as day but coming from someone that is dealing with this, there is just something about the last bit of CURRENT evidence that puts it over the hump and give you the edge and anger you need to proceed and stay strong. The evidence you can convince yourself with that you are indeed doing the right thing. It's always easy for the outside to know what the right thing is and it's usually the 100% damn right thing to do but when you are in it, in the moment, it's so hard emotionally to discard the positives when you are a dedicated person that was the giver in the relationship.
> 
> sad_cinderalla, I would go from the highest percentage area and the low hanging fruit, which is logging into the online ATT Account and looking at usage, looking at common numbers texted or called that you don't recognize. With ATT's online account, I believe you can even read the messages, messages he would have deleted on his device but are stored on the cloud. The only issue there is that if he has already registered for the online account, he would be notified that someone is getting into it. First find out if there is an account setup for you to see your plan and usage online.
> 
> ...


I don't really have any advice for you, as far as I can see you ****ed yourself by not kicking him to the curb long ago. I just want to point out that divorce is not a one way street. If he checks with a lawyer and gets the same info you got he can divorce you and be sitting pretty with your alimony payments to keep him and his *****s comfortable. So if your plan is to just be nasty to him until he slinks away, you may be sadly disappointed. It might actually be your best option to glue your lips to his posterior. Not a good option mind you, just the best of a bad lot.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

OP, see an attorney to protect your rights. Career woman here, 60 years old, & 38 years married (first time for both of us). I would not live the life you have. I would file for divorce. You are taking care of him right now. You are young enough to live the life you want. You don't need this marriage. Even if you have to pay him alimony. Be done with him. He will forever be a cheat & will compromise your health. I hope that you have stopped bedding this sorry husband of yours who picks up women at Craigslist.


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## sad_cinderella (Mar 30, 2018)

You are ALL right. I made my own bed with a lifetime of bad decisions, now I have to lie in it. Perhaps if I had found this site 5 years ago I would have been pointed in the direction of an attorney that would have given me alternatives, I might have found support, I might not have felt so completely alone, defeated and beaten down. I'm sure every BS could write a novel on the if only's, could'ves, and would'ves. But I am a realist (now anyway), I did not find this site, my family did not lend help or support in either me leaving him or him getting the hell out, the attorneys I consulted did not give alternatives, just a long list of what I could not do and what I would lose. I did feel defeated, beaten down, broken, worthless, stupid, all encompassing self-loathing, hideously ugly, hopeless, and utterly useless. I, once again, stayed with the devil I knew rather than facing my fears and personal demons. It took me a good 2 years to realize that what I thought was my personal black hole of despair was nothing more than a pathetic pity party and I was taking my daughter along for the ride with me. My husbands actions are disgusting, despicable and inexcusable. He is a pig. But I was no better. 

My beautiful daughter came home from a group event with friends devastated. Her boyfriend had spent half a weekend doting on a female "friend", being flattered and flirted with in front of my daughter. He enjoyed that it made her angry! He left her sitting alone and went off for hours with the other girl. Then was angry with my daughter because she refused to go to breakfast with him and this other girl. My daughter was in tears BECAUSE HE WAS ANGRY WITH HER! She was afraid OF LOSING HIM! 

I did that to her, I taught her that it was ok to be treated like that. I taught her to be the BS. I taught her to cling to the IMAGE she loved instead of loving herself. She learned from ME that her self worth should be derived from others rather than coming from within. She had learned her lessons well at my knee just as I did. I thought I had put her first, told her in actions and deeds how precious, beautiful (inside and out), and amazing she is. I showed her the affection, gave the hugs, kisses and smiles I had been denied. Stood tall smiling from ear to ear with every one of her accomplishments instead of telling her it could have been done better. She has never doubted how much I love her or that I would die (or inflict on someone else) a bloody, painful death for her without hesitation. How many people on this site have thought they were doing right by their children staying in a toxic, destructive marriage? We all think we keep the WS's actions a secret and our pain hidden but in reality we teach our children through our own actions/inactions NOT our words. They see and feel our pain and inadequacies even when they don't understand where it comes from. And they learn.

I am not asking for pity, I have wasted more than enough of my life and hers on feeling sorry for myself. I am well aware that I have put myself in a crappy position. It is unlikely that my WH will file for divorce as that is not in line with the carefully cultivated image he has created of himself, but he could and I would be screwed if he did. I am also not a masochist. I do not want to torture myself by listening to recordings of my husband and the ***** of the day grunting and moaning like the pigs they are. As I said before, I am a realist. I KNOW I could ask him for the truth until the end of time but will still get the same "that's my story and I'm sticking to it" crap. I also have no intent to "use evidence against him". He knows that I know, the only impact it would likely have on the mother ******* sociopath is allowing him to relive and enjoy it all over again. The ONLY reason I would play back or allow him to view any "evidence" gathered would be if I opt to co-exist with him. By co-existing I do not mean reconciling, I mean living in the same household. I do not want him to misinterpret that as capitulation and denying what he is any longer. He has been engaging in sex with OW for years. I don't have any way of knowing if any relationship lasted longer than it took to get his rocks off and push her out of the car. I do know he is not legally bound to pay child support to anyone, but I do not know if there are any verbal agreements with women claiming he is their baby Daddy. I do not know more than 2 names of the women he has been with. I do know that I interviewed and hired the niece of one of those 2 (before I knew her name), and that the OW was in the process of applying for a job with me. I do not know who in our lives has facilitated his extra marital activities. 

What I want for right now is to know exactly what I have to face. Do I need to take legal steps to ensure that my daughter has sole claim to any items of value he and I have acquired together? Do I need to watch over my shoulder for an obsessed OW? On how many different levels has my WH put our personal safety and well being at risk?

The list goes on but those are all deal breakers. I do not relish the idea of giving up the home I love, rebuilding finances independently, being unable to retire before I am 70yrs old, never having school holidays with my future grandchild/children that are not shortened by half because they have to go to Grandpa's too, but I will do what has to be done. If specific criteria are met I MIGHT be able to live with co-habitation provided a written legal agreement is in place to protect assets and my daughter. It has an in-law arrangement and I would like to come to a point sometime where we can be friends. 

I do not want to bury my head in the sand, lay responsibility at someone else's door, or throw away the last remaining dreams of peace I hold dear. I want to make an informed choice. Judge me however you like for that.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

You are a dynamo and don't know it. Just don't worry about torturing yourself or devoting your time to looking for evidence. You know everything you need to know. You have to force yourself to move on from there. And that means letting him go.

There is no co-habitation agreement to consider. Get him out of your life. Devote your time and brain power to THAT.

Accept there are some things you have to lose and some that have to be worked out. Get a divorce and in the process of those proceedings, negotiate for what you want and what you are willing to concede, but you have to make those decision instead of closing yourself into another box of tricks just to try to keep and protect everything that isn't worth protecting. All that is only in your head. People lose their home to foreclosure and have to accept that even though it's hard. People divorce and have to accept that even when they don't want it. People have everything they worked their lives for destroyed by natural disasters. People learn their loved one was killed in a freak accident. Divorced people have to share their kids back and forth. There are a great number of life's pitfalls that people have to endure and deal with that are tragic, unfortunate, unwelcomed, and hard as hell. But they have to deal, and any number of those pitfalls force them to start life all over again. I have had to start over twice but faced those occurrences with optimism for my future even though I cried with the knowledge of having to and the sacrifices I had to make, and then got over it and moved on. It's what people do. It's what you have to do. It's in these times of crisis and hard decisions that you gain strength. You will find peace as soon as you make your peace with your situation. But peace isn't borne of circumventing the circumstances to make them easier to bear. That's just another way of burying your head. You need to get him out of your life and move on. 

Talk with an attorney and see what your options are. If you were discouraged before, you were told things you didn't want to hear. But again, you must accept that. Salvage what you can through negotiations and move on to rebuild if you must.

Your daughter will be fine as long as you teach her the self respect she needs to learn. She experienced heartbreak like everyone does. Walk her through the proper focus and teach her to have standards for the guys she meets and dates. She has to learn what is not acceptable. It's a lesson all young women need to learn. Maybe you didn't at her age, but you're learning now and you have that to offer her. She also has to know how hard it will be to make the right decisions but she has to love herself more than she loves a man, and that means demanding respect and not tolerating disrespect.

You have some options, and exposing his affairs, as well as exposing to the husband/job/family members of his affair partners is something you can use as your ace in the hole.

You are stronger than you know. You just have to exert your strength rather than finding ways to not have to be ferocious. Show your daughter how fierce you are. Show yourself.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

@sad_cinderella

You are ready to discover the people and the mindset of Chump Nation on the Chumplady website. 

I encourage you to go to the Chumplady website and read the stories there and adopt their perspective and insight. 

Here's the thing, you can try to play Marriage Police and collect evidence and piece together a million little clues and one day jump out from behind the door and shout, "Aha!! I caught you!!" 

In which case you will be right back to listening to his lies and cover stories and gaslighting and blaming you for not thrilling him enough all the time. 

And you will be right back to being the bitter, resentful, suspicious and insecure person that second-guesses yourself all the time and then sets yourself up for getting kicked in the teeth again and again. 

Or you can simply accept that he sucks and that he is not a good person and is not husband and father material and you can file for D, pack your stuff, let the attorneys and court divide up the stuff and in less than a year you can be living your own life in your own place and you can have a garden and grow some roses and carrots and whatever else you like. 

You can even watch your own shows on TV and you can sit on the couch in oversized sweat pants and sweat shirt and eat whatever flavor of ice cream you and want the remake of Roseanne if you like. 

And the best part is you won't have to be angry and bitter and resentful and suspicious and you won't have to be a marital CSI investigator anymore because what he does with his d1(k is no longer your circus or your monkey. 

You'd be able to smile and laugh and hang out with friends again and you wouldn't have to be an angry CSI investigator anymore. 

The beauty is you don't have to prove to him that he is cheating and it's not on you to prove that he screwed X number of women in Y number of positions - he already knows that. 

And you don't have to prove it to the court because as you said, the court doesn't care. 

And you don't even have to prove it to yourself because you already know that he sucks and you have admitted that you are angry, resentful, bitter and don't trust him. 

You don't need to do anything else with him. All you gotta do is pack your stuff, do the paper work and pay the fees. 

Then you can do whatever you want. 

Then you can get yourself back.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

So here are your practical options stated in algorithm - 

- find a place that will be a nice, warm, safe place for you and your daughter to live, even if only for period of months or a year until you have a better grasp of your post-divorce finances. 

- hire an attorney and explain what your current assets and financial accounts are and explain what your future post-divorce objectives are.

- do what attorney says. 

- pack your stuff.

- leave.

- start working on your garden and plant whatever you want.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

*After a while* 
_By Veronica A. Shoffstall_

After a while you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul.

And you learn
that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company doesn’t always mean security.

You learn
that kisses aren’t contracts
and presents aren’t promises.

And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.

And you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn
that even sunshine burns
if you get too much
so you plant your own garden
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone
to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure
you really are strong
you really do have worth.

And you learn.

And you learn.

With every goodbye, 
you learn.

Oldshirt's post reminded me of this poem. 
This is for you and your daughter.
Be strong and stay that way.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

sad_cinderella said:


> So the backstory. I am the youngest of 2 children, the child of an alcoholic, our family was dysfunctional, sometimes very happy, sometimes not. There were other childhood events/factors that strongly influence the person I developed into, but I do not choose to go on about my childhood trauma. It was many years ago and I have reconciled with my past. However, I do believe that all individuals experience life uniquely based on the impact and perceptions of previous experiences. Every choice, or lack of choice, influences how we act/react in this moment. Denying that would be denying that I have had choices over the years with my husband, and do bear some responsibility for teaching him what I would accept from him.
> 
> My story as a BS. We met when I was 14 and fell head over heels immediately. My parents, as you can probably guess, were less than thrilled about my newfound love and immediately disallowed any physical contact. Thus creating a very dramatic, Cinderella story, with my parents respectively cast as the wicked witch and the dragon to slay, and all sorts of romantic notions of riding off into the sunset happily ever after. We did not become sexually involved in any way until 3 months before my 18th birthday. I lost my virginity to him (at 18). We married young and had our first and only child 4 years later. There were many signs, and more than 1 occurrence of outright knowledge, that he had strayed before we were even married, but it did not fit in with my Cinderella story so I very happily denied it to myself and mindlessly forged onward.
> 
> ...



Sad Cinderella, in all honesty why do you need any more proof? He has already shown you who is he.

1. he has went on Craig's list looking for other women
2. He has at least met some of them, one at least
3. He wasn't looking for someone to talk to, that is BS, you already know this
4. He hasn't been in the least bit remorseful
5. His discomfort at being transparent and honest is much more important to him than your pain
6. He doesn't care about you or the marriage, he just wants things rug swept, and to continue doing what he has always done

You should go see a lawyer, kick him to the curb, expose him to HIS family/friends and let them know the crap you have put up with for years, he is not worth any more of your time or energy, tbh. Get a good shark of a lawyer.


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