# Happiness confusion?



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

A friend of mine and I were talking. Since the teen's showed up to help at our Haunt, we had a blow up, she cheated etc. 3 months ago. Now, she's got ALL OF THESE NEW FRIENDS... 2 new jobs, a hotel and theater. The theater are full of teens and 20 yro's and I can only see 1 possible guy from theater that she'd be interested in / possibility of dating. 

But the friend and I were talking. The W said "have you watched me at work? I'm HAPPY. I'm happy now" and he thought she was possibly confused about why she's happy. He said he feels that she may be happy because she has all these new friends, maybe in the fog still and just overall happy that she has all these friends giving her attention and THINKS she's happy w/o me. 

I told my friend, I had thought the same dam thing. I've said it many times, I feel she's getting all of her emotional needs from these new friends. 

What do you guys think? Sure I know she's happy she has friends, but could it be confusing her with thinking she's happier w/o me? I wasn't that bad of a husband, honestly. 

If so, is there any way to combat this?


----------



## Hermes (Oct 8, 2012)

Not really. There is nothing you can do that would work. Shes happy because she is getting these needs met by young guys. Let it run its course.


----------



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I told my counselor on our last online session, another rundown of the story so it was fresh to her. She STILL told me. "You can NOT listen to anything she says! I don't care if she says "I DON'T WANT YOU..." you have to believe me, us, when we say you can not listen to her. You can't believe what you're seeing either. The 180 has it right. Stop believing everything and do for you."

Long story short, she told me she believe my W was confused on what's making her happy and we have to be patient. Told me to keep the 180 going as best as possible and to keep dark as much as possible until it's time for me to see the kiddo. 

I know what I gotta do, I just need support and help. Which I DON'T have the friends she does... I've always wanted her to have friends, just didn't want her to gain them this way


----------



## NoWhere (Oct 2, 2012)

I posted something a while back about basically the same fears. My wife got all new furniture in our house and the place looks great. I was afraid she would mistake her happiness from this new furniture and what looks like a fresh new place for being happy because I was gone. 

Unfortunately though I don't have a answer for you, or myself.


----------



## Dewayne76 (Sep 26, 2012)

I know bro, and it's ok. We're all here looking for answers. 

I had a rough morning. I actually slept 6.5 hours this time! However, I think it's because my body was deprived of good sleep for so long. But, I did have one very long dream about us. Another, sensual and loving situation. At least it wasn't demonic or hurtful. Just woke up very sad and depressed. 

So it looks like it's possibly confusion. If that's the case, what happens with confusion? It normally gets straightened out... in time. I guess it's time to do 180 with force. Meaning, force my way around her while being happy and moving on. I've got at killer outfit I had thought about going to the movies while she was working one night. Maybe with a "friend"


----------



## whitehawk (Aug 14, 2012)

Hey Dewayne.
Gee sounds a lot like some of my wifes stuff.
We had other big **** to but the friends thing. She got shifted at work abnd met a whole new crowd. My daughter and I never knew any of them. That's when she started to change. But then so was I and I'd been as distant as all f'k too.
But I read some of her emails and we're talking country middle aged women in a small town here , W's younger than most of them and we moved here from cities , all clucking away like chooks in a hen house and definitely lots of midlife crisis's floating around and being egged on.
I know these women and some guy are what f'd with her head. Should read some of this stuff it's like they're all teenagers again , made me sick. i said to her and what , your getting sucked into that **** , you f'g kidden me. she denies it but that's exactly what's happened.

Talking new furniture and stuff , it's almost seemed since day one , like this new crowd , the renter she's just grabbed , it's like it's trying to replace us .
she had to get another car last week to - i'm thinking please don't make it a red one. anyway it's silver !!!!


----------



## BigMac (Oct 29, 2012)

> What do you guys think? Sure I know she's happy she has friends, but could it be confusing her with thinking she's happier w/o me? I wasn't that bad of a husband, honestly.
> 
> If so, is there any way to combat this?


I'm afraid this is exactly what she thinks ! And you can't do much right now, your therapist got it right - be patient and wait. Don't bug her to come back, won't happen.

And this is what happened with my W exactly - she started to go to the AA , met new friends , then met the posOM and here am I !


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

whitehawk said:


> Hey Dewayne.
> Gee sounds a lot like some of my wifes stuff.
> We had other big **** to but the friends thing. She got shifted at work abnd met a whole new crowd. My daughter and I never knew any of them. That's when she started to change. But then so was I and I'd been as distant as all f'k too.
> But I read some of her emails and we're talking country middle aged women in a small town here , W's younger than most of them and we moved here from cities , all clucking away like chooks in a hen house and definitely lots of midlife crisis's floating around and being egged on.
> ...


Im with you white. What I read that my wife and posOM wrote to each other was very teenagers-in-lust stuff. She want to be I. Her young 20s again and I can't do anything about it. Well maybe I can look back one day and laugh at all the crazy midlife crisis bs she is doing right now.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

You guys need to really stop focusing on your exes and there "happiness" and claim your own.

Who cares what she says to others.

Who cares what she does with her own time.

Seriously.


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Hmmm. I didn't really look at it like I was doing that. Not sure how to "cure" that.

I guess it is just my tendency to look for answers to things I don't understand. I get paid to do that for a living, hard habit to break.


----------



## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> Hmmm. I didn't really look at it like I was doing that. Not sure how to "cure" that.
> 
> I guess it is just my tendency to look for answers to things I don't understand. I get paid to do that for a living, hard habit to break.


Start caring about what's best for you.

Stop worrying about things you cannot control.

Quite making excuses.

Reread your last paragraph.

Look at your focus.

Get paid to look for answers huh?

Yet you don't even consider using that as a positive to better yourself.

Instead you go the other route and claim it a "habit".


----------



## lostinspaces (Oct 22, 2012)

Yikes. Well I guess I know something I can bring up in IC tomorrow.


----------



## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I'd probably just say, "Good for you  " and be done with talking about it.

She tells you because she's so confused, she has to brag and tell you and also convince herself.


----------



## SCsweety81 (Sep 27, 2012)

lostinspaces said:


> Yikes. Well I guess I know something I can bring up in IC tomorrow.


Way to be proactive, dear.


----------

