# When do you decide enough is enough ?



## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

The hubby and I have been married going on 25 years in October. Two kids with special needs. Throughout our marriage, hubby wasn't present with the kids and it felt like we were on our own little island and he was on his. Caught him in a couple of emotional affairs/flirtations. Fast forward a few years and I lost 150 pounds and had it I the back of my mind I was ready to leave when hubby does a 180 and began participating in our lives. By this point, I am skeptical, but I hung in there for the kids. Things were going relatively really well. Then last year in April, he fell and hurt his leg at work. Two weeks later, my son(18) and I were in an accident that totaled our car. My son has seven herniated discs and I had a torn shoulder, migraines, concussion, and had to have a disc replaced in my neck. My husband took one day off of work to take us to the hospital and call the attorney as we felt from the get go something was really fishy when the lady kept trying to leave the scene of the accident. I still pushed through getting my hours in at work, went to college full time, took care of our chronically ill daughter, handled everything for my son's graduation two weeks after the accident and spent most of the time throwing up from the migraines. I am still dealing with issues with all of it along with my son. My husband had surgery last November on his leg and I had two surgeries in December and Feb. All he focused on was his leg. Didn't matter that this entire time, I was dealing with all of this on top of the house, bills, groceries, yard and everyday dealing with a son with Autism and a daughter chronically ill and going to the hospital. I got severely depressed and my anxiety reached an all time high. I tried talking about it, and basically got told I needed to "get over it" even the kids were telling me this. In the meantime my chronically ill daughter got two scholarships and leaves this Friday to go away to college and that adds to my plate as I will have to deal with that. I think it will be good for her. My son has failed out of his third semester of college even after I got him help. I refuse to pay for him a fourth semester and told him to get help and get a job. My husband was also taking college courses and had six months to complete three courses. For three semesters, he has not completed them and we have had to take out loans for them. This last semester he wasn't even working Jan. through mid March and could have completed all of them. I kept asking, are you going to finish and he would say yes, but everyday, he kept coming home, reading a kindle but no textbook. If I asked, he got angry and told me he was tired and his leg hurt. He couldn't concentrate. Finally two weeks ago he admitted he wasn't going to finish all three courses. I was livid. I went through my accident and still managed to get on the Dean's list and he can't finish three classes in six months. We had a family emergency last week and I ended up flying into Chicago for four days. Nothing got accomplished. I came home and within four hours realized our house was infested with fleas! So I got to spend the next day bombing the house, treating all the animals, washing bedding and I needed to get the bills done. He came home and I said that our bedroom and bathroom needed to be vacuumed and mopped. He was in the bedroom complaining that he had worked all day and still hadn't got to sit down. Didn't matter that I had been dealing with rest of the entire house or the animals and all that stuff. He has not helped with either kids, not helped getting one prepared to leave for college and I find out two days ago that my son failed his two summer classes. Hubby says nothing. When we go to bed, it is " What are YOU gonna do about him". I feel like I am a mom of three. When I left I asked him to think about what he really wants because frankly, I feel like I have tried and fought to keep this family together for a lot longer than he has and they are always first. I come home and he tells me that he couldn't finish his classes and really doesn't have an excuse for it but the study is a disaster and that it is hard for him to concentrate in there. For three semesters? Really? I feel like it isn't giving my kids a good example. When I made the Dean's list, he started poking fun about how I was a kiss ass and brown noser. I didn't even tell them when I got on it a second time. I feel like we have struggled more than we have had good times and frankly, I am afraid that I am going to wake up and regret that I have stayed. When did you know that enough was enough, when do you say it is just time to let go?


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

I knew enough was enough was enough when I just stopped caring. The kids still came first, but when his needs were more important than my needs to him and I got stuck doing everything and he started to feel like my fourth child....I was done. A relationship is suppose to be 50/50 or somewhat close to that. Resentment set in and I was finished. 


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

How's the sex been? Is it a real marriage?


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

...when your happiness is out of sync with your H. 

When you start thinking about ending it endlessly almost like a fantasy. 

When you look in a mirror and it does not want to look back anymore. 

When you've given more than you ever realized you ever could and none of that energy is matched by your H. 

When you must choose whether to surrender your dreams or your sanity. 

When you wake up to the same thing every day - endlessly like a Groundhog Day nightmare.


When you start writing like you are in your original post


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

When your stress levels become very high because of an unhealthy marriage, that's when I'd say...enough is enough. I would have said ''enough,'' after the first emotional affair, but that's me. lol 

I think enough is enough also, when you realize that the relationship that you're in, isn't really a partnership whatsoever, and likely never will be...it's when one partner is shouldering everything, while the other coasts. I can't tell you what to do, only you know when enough is enough...

Maybe when you ask ''when is enough ...enough?'' lol


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Let's just say that you'll get a "feeling" in the inner recesses of your gut whenever you've been totally maxed out by their deceit!*


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

When you do a pros and cons list and you can't come up with any decent reasons to stay.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

usually just asking that question is a good indicator.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If I were you, him not taking care of you or or your son after a horrific car crash would have been the final nail in the coffin for me. And not being bothered to help with other things, like the flea issues, or even the kid failing in college. Then him not even bothering to finish classes that you are both paying for. He is NOT a partner to you, he is incredibly selfish... you dont need him. Cut the dead weight and free yourself. A whole new world will open up. 

When you find yourself constantly thinking about getting out, its time.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

xMadame said:


> I knew enough was enough was enough when I just stopped caring. The kids still came first, but when his needs were more important than my needs to him and I got stuck doing everything and he started to feel like my fourth child....I was done. A relationship is suppose to be 50/50 or somewhat close to that. Resentment set in and I was finished.


For me it was this above, minus the kids because we don't have kids. And also, my birthday fell on a weekend this year, and he had zero time to spend with me that day, despite us trying to work on our relationship. However, he had time to go out with friends Friday and Saturday nights, plus his usual Saturday extracurricular stuff and later, a nap. Too busy for his wife though!


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Sex has never been an issue. But he uses it to hold our bond together. This is more than just sex.


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## tamara24 (Jul 14, 2010)

Sorry for such a late reply. I guess my issues are the fact that I hear excuses and actually nothing getting done. He couldn't tell you even what was in the bank account or how to log on. He is content to let me manage everything. He has adhd, and has a hard time staying focused but I find that to be also an excuse when you do nothing to help yourself. He can remember things he needs though. For example, we packed up our daughter who got a scholarship for college ten hours away. She is chronically ill with no cure and we told her to go for it. But we still have to pay for medical care, medicine and such plus I will have to be making frequent visits over. The night we start packing stuff up, he comes home and spends an hour putting music on his phone and looking for earbuds that have a good base. To me, this is just nonsense, when we have a lot of stuff to tackle. His version was that it didn't take but 15 minutes. I had been packing and making sure everything was ready all day. Finally at ten that night, we loaded the car and he was like I am so exhausted! I just felt like giving him a black eye! He flew home and I got to spend the week getting my daughter all set up with the medical. I come home to dirty dishes, dirty litter and the cat that got sick before I left was supposed to have so many cans of cat food everyday to improve his health. I bought nine cans and came home to six. When confronted, I get told he had started eating the other food so they didn't think they needed to give him the other. ugh. I feel like they are literally driving me insane.


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