# What type of person is this?



## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

Little backstory. Been here since May of 2010 when I caught my wife in an affair. Tried reconciliation until she moved out in August last year. I filed for divorce in December. We even tried to reconcile on and off throughout the separation. Divorce is still in motion has never stopped since I filed. Since May of 2010 when she got busted I never felt she was sorry for what she did to me and my 2 daughters. Only sorry for getting caught.

Present: Anyways, She sends me these texts all the time about her guilt and everytime she admits what she did wrong and why how we got to where we are, blah blah blah which are all the right answers. Answers I have been looking for since R in May 2010.

But when we try and mend things up, she immediately turns back to who she really is. An adulterous wh*re. Lashing out at me. Everything is my fault all over again. She knows the right things to do but she refuses to put in that work. She puts more work in protecting her adulterous relationships then she does protecting her own family.

Believe me I know what needs to be done and that is what is happening. But this personality and her actions absolutely boggles my mind. I just cannot fathom knowing how she does what she does much less do these things to people. I couldn't do the sh*t she does to a complete stranger much less someone I am supposed to care about.

What kind of person is this? My gawd the last few days have driven me crazy. I really needed to rant and this felt really good to type out. I would really love to block her number but that's impossible with 16 and almost 12 yr old daughters. Whom are really resilient I might add. They see everything their mother does. And she thinks they don't know anything. It really boggles my mind as to what reality she lives in.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Twistedheart said:


> What kind of person is this?


One who doesn't deserve to be in your life.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Twistedheart said:


> What kind of person is this?


A selfish, moral less, immature slvt who cares more about her instant self gratification and getting her ego stroked than ANYTHING else. She's trash and doesn't deserve you. She deserves other trash. So put her out on the curb.

Don't feel bad. I was married to a POS too. She don't give a fvck about your feelings and never will. That's the reality, so why care about someone who is incapible of caring about you. Better to go find someone who does. You already wasted four years on her. I wouldn't waste four more seconds.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Look up Borderline Personality Disorder.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Why do you entertain this behavior. The problem is you respond to these little texts, she baits you time and time again and like a lemming you keep falling for the same trick.

Keep all communications to the children and other business like finances or property etc.

When the texts turn to any personal stuff, simply delete it and most importantly don't answer!

You maybe divorcing but it's obvious you still haven't detached. 180 on the double. Stop engaging her!


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

You are right and I was doing all that for a while. Then I took the bait. It was like she was fishing and I told her that. Yes I am through now but it just gets my curiosity about how she does me.

Yes I am having a hard time detaching.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Twistedheart said:


> Yes I am having a hard time detaching.


The key to detaching is to find something or someone to attach yourself to again.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

I think what you have here is your run of the mill pos. You sir are better off without her. Best wishes going forward.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My ex husband is _still_ fishing 7 months after our divorce was finalized. He still drunk texts, calls, emails, and even comes over wanting to talk in person from time to time. He misses me, he's so sorry, he wants his old life back, etc. But the truth is that he was a crappy husband who saw me as a convenience when he wanted sex and an inconvenience the rest of the time. What he misses is the idea of having a wife. He does not enjoy actually having one, but the idea is nice. And he has only really wanted me since I've gone from his life.

What kind of person is this? Someone who wants you when you're gone, doesn't want you when you're there, and is entirely pissed off by the thought of you moving on. So, basically, a selfish person.


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## Omar174 (Mar 12, 2014)

Twistedheart said:


> An adulterous wh*re.


There is the answer to your question.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

I was doing really well for a while. But I took the bait after she was saying all the right things. But you guys are right. Doing the right thing and making a family out of us again isn't really what she wants. It's only what she wants me to hear her say. She f*cking know exactly what she's doing to me. She knows what she's done to our daughters. She does not care. Only that she gets what she wants. I mean I will be fine and there will be no more chit chat etc....it just amazes me how much pain and hurt one person can cause to others.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Look up Borderline Personality Disorder.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You got there before me


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I'll use your own words to answer the question that you posed in the title of this thread...



Twistedheart said:


> An adulterous wh*re.


Edit: Damn, Omar beat me to it...


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## badkarma2013 (Nov 9, 2013)

After D-DAY and reading thousands of post ...the BH seem to have a much harder with R.....I have read percentage wise of ALL the BHs who try to R with WW...only 15-20% ever make it...MOST all BH Choose D....

Upon further study i really Truly believe it is a gender thing....

The pictures the OM showed me after i told his wife about A with my W....I knew at that moment i could never forgive much less FORGET...EVER.

The level of lies and betrayal were of such depth in knew in my soul it was over.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

It's crazy to think that this is the way of life they have chosen. It seems so surreal to me to treat people that way. Welcome to the real world huh. All I can do is be the best dad I can be and set the example. They sure can't rely on their mother for that. Unbelievable.


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## LonelyGirl123 (Apr 14, 2014)

Rant away. You deserve it. And then show the beotch the door.

Good for you. You know what needs to be done. Now do it. And don't look back.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

What type of person is this?

A selfish person. A self-righteous person. A self-absorbed person. A self-interested person.

Self, self, self.....


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

She knows you and when she gets down knows you'll take her back. You need to stop the cycle.


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## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

WhiteRaven said:


> The key to detaching is to find something or someone to attach yourself to again.


:iagree:
This should be stressed more often I think. She sounds very manipulative and that may be why you are having trouble detaching. With a person like this you are MUCH better off looking for a new partner. I think you should dedicate yourself to that. Really work at it and I bet you'll be surprised at how many good women are out there. Smart, attractive, having a conscience etc.


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## Q tip (Apr 15, 2014)

While you're starting your new life, have a new plan for yourself. Read up on a good book. "Married Man Sex Life Primer" -Athol Kay

You can really refresh and kickstart your life.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

Twistedheart said:


> But when we try and mend things up, she immediately turns back to who she really is. An adulterous wh*re. Lashing out at me. Everything is my fault all over again. She knows the right things to do but she refuses to put in that work. She puts more work in protecting her adulterous relationships then she does protecting her own family.
> 
> Believe me I know what needs to be done and that is what is happening. But this personality and her actions absolutely boggles my mind. I just cannot fathom knowing how she does what she does much less do these things to people. I couldn't do the sh*t she does to a complete stranger much less someone I am supposed to care about.
> 
> What kind of person is this?


I know exactly what kind of person this is. This type of woman loves the chase and hates the catch. Beware of this personality type. Once they have you, they do not want you. This type of person WILL CHEAT. And, yes, there are men like this as well, but I am a man and thus, I have only dated women. I damned near married a woman like this! She went on to have three bad marriages after we broke up! After that, I had an unofficial "study" of women of this sort. I would go on a few dates with a woman like this, keep her at a distance, and even make a few nasty remarks for good measure. Holy crap! She would not stop calling me. However, the moment I showed any real interest, the calls would stop. One thing that I noted with some of the women like this, they all either 1)had no father, 1)lost their father via divorce, or 3)their father abused them. Bizarre. Your STBXW has many issues that require therapy. Stop entertaining her texts as you only hurt yourself and prolong your suffering. Get on with your life already!!


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You are hopeful. Hopeful that what she writes to you when she seems nice that she has turned a corner. Hopeful that she will become the person that you want her to be.

My youngest son had a GF from hell for over 5 years. She was a certifiable nutjob. My son is one of the most laid back guys I know yet he somehow got all wrapped up in this horrible drama. When she broke up with him he almost killed himself. She was a nasty drunk and I mean nasty. She had a eating disorder was the most manipulative person I ever met. She rarely spent time with my wife or I when she came to visit frequently. She would get p*ssed off if my son spoke to us when she was over and I mean, yelling, cursing, etc mad.

Mental disorders come in all shapes and sizes. BPD, PD, bi-polar, schizoid, or whatever, your wife has one. You can't nice her back.

I would suggest very hard boundaries on your part. If she is BPD she will not stand for it so be aware of harsh push back. But you need to be firm. Learn to say "NO". Learn to delete her texts. Learn not to reply. Reply very slowly to those texts that you need to reply and I mean very slowly. If she sends you a text stating that you need to take the girls somewhere next week, respond the day before.

Detach and focus on your kids. Be positive around your kids and watch what you say about their mother.


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## BetrayedAgain7 (Apr 27, 2013)

Twistedheart said:


> She f*cking know exactly what she's doing to me. She knows what she's done to our daughters. She does not care. Only that she gets what she wants. I mean I will be fine and there will be no more chit chat etc....it just amazes me how much pain and hurt one person can cause to others.


She does know exactly what she is doing. She gets off on knowing she still has control over you and your emotions. Why not? You fall into her web so easily. Just a bit of light entertainment for her.

She doesn't cause your pain, you do. 

You do that to yourself by allowing her to engage you in her destructive emotional games.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Twistedheart said:


> Little backstory. Been here since May of 2010 when I caught my wife in an affair. Tried reconciliation until she moved out in August last year. I filed for divorce in December. We even tried to reconcile on and off throughout the separation. Divorce is still in motion has never stopped since I filed. Since May of 2010 when she got busted I never felt she was sorry for what she did to me and my 2 daughters. Only sorry for getting caught.
> 
> Present: Anyways, She sends me these texts all the time about her guilt and everytime she admits what she did wrong and why how we got to where we are, blah blah blah which are all the right answers. Answers I have been looking for since R in May 2010.
> 
> ...


This IS my vstbxw !

How could you have married her as well ! 

Check out what I and bandido mentioned earlier - Borderline Personality Disorder. I have a feeling you will spend some time on some pretty incredible behavioral revelations with this.

You'll find this 'pattern ' was in cycles and the incredible 'about turns' of inner truthfulness one moment to absolutely nil remorse the next are a feature of this stuff. Blameshifting in bucket loads. 

We could be wrong but I'd check it out if I were you. You may suddenly find the answers to many my odd questions about your life with her 

Good luck


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## TheFlood117 (Mar 24, 2013)

Twistedheart said:


> Little backstory. Been here since May of 2010 when I caught my wife in an affair. Tried reconciliation until she moved out in August last year. I filed for divorce in December. We even tried to reconcile on and off throughout the separation. Divorce is still in motion has never stopped since I filed. Since May of 2010 when she got busted I never felt she was sorry for what she did to me and my 2 daughters. Only sorry for getting caught.
> 
> Present: Anyways, She sends me these texts all the time about her guilt and everytime she admits what she did wrong and why how we got to where we are, blah blah blah which are all the right answers. Answers I have been looking for since R in May 2010.
> 
> ...


An immature, selfish, entitled, manipultive ho that you should ditch first chance you get. 

Best to get yourself a younger, hotter one or more than one 

But yeah, this ship has sailed, she has issues, I'd say she probably wasn't held enough or held to much as a child, maybe she has daddy issues, or blah, blah, blah. Who really give 2 sh!ts. 

Ditch the ho. Gain a life. 

That's been my motto, working out good so far.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

And again the crowd here comes through. I gotta say I already feel better this morning reading all the comments. Makes me feel sane. You guys can see right through everything and see exactly what the f*ck is going on and know exactly what she is doing.

I really believe after reading up on the borderline personality disorder that that is her. Almost to a T. Her mother divorced her real dad when she was 2 and then her mom remarried again 2 other times. Her mother divorced after her third husband right around the time I met my stbxw and has really turned into a nobody loser in the past 20 years. There is definitely some connection there because of all of that has happened in her childhood because she is following right in her mother's foot steps.


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## Headspin (May 13, 2012)

Twistedheart said:


> And again the crowd here comes through. I gotta say I already feel better this morning reading all the comments. Makes me feel sane. You guys can see right through everything and see exactly what the f*ck is going on and know exactly what she is doing.
> 
> I really believe after reading up on the borderline personality disorder that that is her. Almost to a T. Her mother divorced her real dad when she was 2 and then her mom remarried again 2 other times. Her mother divorced after her third husband right around the time I met my stbxw and has really turned into a nobody loser in the past 20 years. There is definitely some connection there because of all of that has happened in her childhood because she is following right in her mother's foot steps.


Have there been any childhood abuse issues? . This often gives the classic borderline fear of abandonment which is behind the bizarre need for them to 'jump ship' fearing they will be pushed anyway by the current partner so guess what they jump ship but often realize that actually their life with the current partner is good so often jump back at the last second until one day YOU say "fk that - you can stay on that ship ......byeee!" 

there are other issues highlighting the borderline but the difficulty of course is that there is no hard anf fast defining rule it's often mixed in with a bit of naricsim and bi polar 

All in all, a living fking hell for the person who is dealing with them, who keeps giving them an out of jail free card because they love and support them come what may

And then we see the light ! :smthumbup:


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

WhiteRaven said:


> One who doesn't deserve to be in your life.





BetrayedDad said:


> A selfish, moral less, immature slvt who cares more about her instant self gratification and getting her ego stroked than ANYTHING else. She's trash and doesn't deserve you. She deserves other trash. So put her out on the curb.
> 
> Don't feel bad. I was married to a POS too. She don't give a fvck about your feelings and never will. That's the reality, so why care about someone who is incapible of caring about you. Better to go find someone who does. You already wasted four years on her. I wouldn't waste four more seconds.


I have nothing else to add...perfect!


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

"There is definitely some connection there because of all of that has happened in her childhood because she is following right in her mother's foot steps."

Then you need to do all you can to save your daughters from following in HER footsteps.

Detach from her completely. She is a poison.

And have frank discussions with your daughters about how they are feeling in this situation.

Get them counseling if necessary.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Bandit, you are on it. I will go one further. My wife's sister supposedly has been diagnosed. This would explain her personality and make sense to all of her family. She goes from one guy to the next, erratic thinking and justifications, unsound financial decisions and a myriad of other things. She even called my wife one time and played her emotions, wanted to borrow money to rent furniture. Only after she called and asked her dad and he said no. I was pretty upset about that. My point is she sounds a little off, that in no way means BPD, but it sure sounds like the beginning.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

WhiteRaven said:


> The key to detaching is to find something or someone to attach yourself to again.


Gee, that sounds like a healthy solution...

NOT!!! lol

Get your shyte together first ALONE. Once you got your head straight THEN consider adding someone to your life again.

People don't FIX other people, sorry, that's a load of crap.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Allen_A said:


> Gee, that sounds like a healthy solution...
> 
> NOT!!! lol
> 
> ...


I mentioned *'something'* also.

Getting new hobbies, things to try out helps in detachment.

*Someone* is not just another f*ck buddy, but your own kids, family, friends. Spend more time, reconnect with them again.

So that crap were you talking about, Allen? You think too much about sex. Get laid.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

Thanks for the input from you both. I understand and get what each of you are saying. No fighting in here...we're all on the same team....lol


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Twistedheart said:


> Thanks for the input from you both. I understand and get what each of you are saying. No fighting in here...we're all on the same team....lol


Couldn't help myself. I don't like bullies.


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

Most people today have smart phones. Now me being old and not interested in all the gizmos that a smart phone offers, I have what could be considered a "Dumb Phone". 

It doesn't do much but all I want it to do is ring when there's a phone call and when I make a call, for the other person to answer.

Now the one thing I noticed that my dumb phone and a smart phone has in common is a button that says "end".

If I push that button, the phone call is over so the long and the short of it is this. If she calls and is civilized, fine, but if she goes nutso on you, then if you hit that button that says end on it. 

Also, even my dumb phone shows whose calling and that gives me the option if I want to answer.

Yeah you have kids and you want to keep them in a good frame of mind but were talking about yours here and you do have the option of taking the call or not. Maybe let her know that the only need to talk is if it's about the kids and anything else is null and void. In other words, don't let her push your buttons.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

Know this, she is no longer your problem.

You need to focus and you and your future, she is a lost cause and you need to accept you may never know what's going on in her head but that's ok, it's not your problem.

When you find someone else you'll see that.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Do something for you, exercise, etc.

It helps with the crazy situation. Glad you are moving to the d.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Twistedheart said:


> I really believe after reading up on the borderline personality disorder that that is her. Almost to a T. Her mother divorced her real dad when she was 2 and then her mom remarried again 2 other times. Her mother divorced after her third husband right around the time I met my stbxw and has really turned into a nobody loser in the past 20 years. There is definitely some connection there because of all of that has happened in her childhood because *she is following right in her mother's foot steps.*


If this is so, I suggest you point this fact out to her. Repeat it, say, 6 to 10 times for the idea to take hold in her head. Hopefully she heeds it and becomes a better person.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

At what point do you continue this unhealthy relationship. If she infact has BPD, there is no talking to her. The only way is file. Moving on to a healthier relationship is a must. This is not living, just existing. As I mentioned in my earlier post, my sister in law is way out there. She has moments of clarity and views her problems, in a way that doesn't make anything she does her fault. It's other people with the faults. I don't even think she can feel. This is a inhuman trait. Walk away and find someone that understands feelings, emotions, healthy boundaries, being faithful and most of all capable of loving someone else, besides herself. Good luck.


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

Done and done. Divorce outta be final in next 30-60 days and all that good stuff. I am done with this chapter and there is no going back, only forward.

Met a nice Lady this weekend and I haven't given a second thought about the wayward spouse.


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## WhiteRaven (Feb 24, 2014)

Twistedheart said:


> Done and done. Divorce outta be final in next 30-60 days and all that good stuff. I am done with this chapter and there is no going back, only forward.
> 
> Met a nice Lady this weekend and I haven't given a second thought about the wayward spouse.


:smthumbup:

Keep a hook-up scorecard bro.


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## Rottdad42 (Nov 26, 2012)

Atta boy, It's hard to steel the spine when it comes to this. But you will be a better man for it. If you stay, you will become so bitter and resentful, you won't recognize yourself in the mirror. That was me four years ago. I didn't like what was staring back at me. I'm telling you I found someone, or she picked me, that is all those things wrapped in a 32 yo J-lo body, you follow. Except all the boy toys and marriages. Good luck man hopefully you avatar won't be twisted heart anymore, more like a strong heart or whatever. Peace.


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## Mortie (Dec 19, 2013)

Might be Histrionic Personality Disorder??


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## Twistedheart (May 17, 2010)

Mortie said:


> Might be Histrionic Personality Disorder??


I gotta tell ya after reading up on this there are were far more comparisons than the BPD. Not that it matters. Just glad I don't have to put up with it anymore from marriage stand point.


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