# STBXH will be a stalker??



## brokenmama (May 27, 2012)

Ok, so, my STBXH doesn't seem to want to let me go. Not really.

I am still living in the house with him and my DD. She is six. I am due in 7 weeks with our second child. 

We are looking for a place in our school district for me and the kids to move to AFTER I have the baby. He insists I stay with him until then.

We are separating because of his cheating, and not being willing to give up the other woman. He expected me to just take it and not say anything, and I deserve better and I can't live me life that way.

We are still sleeping together (and having sex) even though I don't really want to and I feel it isnt right since I have decided I am through. We went a week without having sex, and he just makes me miserable with all the touching and flirting and acting like he loves me, so I just give in and do it.

This weekend, we had several long talks. He actually told me that he fully expects to have me after I have moved out. Says he will be stopping by morning and night to see the kids, will want to eat supper with us, still do all the same family things. 

Also, he says that any boyfriends I acquire will hate him because he will always be around, and that he will be running them all off. He says he will hate seeing me with other men, and that I better not think of having children with anyone else. (Of which i had no plans to.) 

He says he will never marry again, and I will always be his wife, and we will always be a family. 

I don't know if he is trying to scare me from leaving, make me stay so if can continue to have his cake and eat it too? Or, if he really means what he says, and he is not going to make my life easy?


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

And why exactly are you allowing him to call all the shots? I know how one can lose their confidence in situations like this but WTH??
Why are you still having sex with him when you don't want to? There's a word for that honey!
Are you afraid of your H or is there somethig else going on here?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

no you get a custody agreement drawn up with your lawyer and he sticks to it, if he harasses you you take measures to stop it


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Your whole post is describing what HE expects after the divorce. What do YOU expect? If you are divorced and living in separate houses, he has no right to stop by morning and night, have dinner with you, have ANY contact with your future boyfriends, etc. Being unmarried means YOU get to decide when and where you see him. If you want to see him only for 1 minute to drop off the kids at some neutral location during his visitation, that is your right.

Quit worrying about what he is trying to do and start really thinking about how you picture your life post-divorce. And quit having sex with him if you don't want to! If it were me, I would insist that he sleep in a different bedroom or on the couch. You both need to start realizing what it means to separate. Right now, you are continuing to let him have his cake and eat it too.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

I wonder why he thinks that you will still be interested in him, post-divorce. Can you think of any subtle signals you might be giving off that would tell him that you still want him in your life? Anything at all? I'm sure it's nothing obvious, but he must be getting the impression that you still are attracted to him. You might want to figure out what that might be.

/snark

Either you are abused, in which case you need to get help immediately, or you are a game player, in which case you need to get help immediately.


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

> but he must be getting the impression that you still are attracted to him.


She's having regular consensual sex with him for crying out loud!


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

synthetic said:


> She's having regular consensual sex with him for crying out loud!


No way.

Seriously, she's posting about why she can't get rid of him but she's having sex with the guy?

No one is that.. um.. misguided.



papa5280 said:


> Can you think of any subtle signals you might be giving off that would tell him that you still want him in your life? Anything at all?
> 
> /snark


I get what you're trying to do but she's reading your post and scratching her head and coming up empty.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

synthetic said:


> She's having regular consensual sex with him for crying out loud!


Thus the snark tag.


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## justonelife (Jul 29, 2010)

Brokenmama - Please ignore the snarky comments. I know you are here looking for support, not to be belittled. I'm sure this is a very confusing time for you. That being said, I think the general point of the snarky comments is that you are sending your husband seriously mixed signals if you are consenting to sex with him. 

It sounds as if you aren't really sure about your decision to divorce and thus you are keeping the door open. If you want to divorce, then you need to start acting like a divorced couple, i.e. separate living quarters, only discussions are about the kids, etc. If you want to reconcile, he needs to get the OW out of his life. There really can be no middle ground.


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## papa5280 (Oct 12, 2011)

BrokenMama - I'm not trying to belittle you. I'm trying to get you to see how your STBXH sees things. Since you're having sex with him, he thinks of the divorce as something you need to work through before things get back to normal (normal being that he is the man in your life).

I was serious about the thought that you sound like someone who has been abused by your H. You are divorcing the man, and yet you submit to his sexual advances because he pesters you until you do. That's very unhealthy. Either you or he need to be sleeping in another room. And NO SEX. He sounds like a master manipulator. So stay out of situations where he has the chance.


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## donders (May 9, 2012)

papa5280 said:


> BrokenMama - I'm not trying to belittle you. I'm trying to get you to see how your STBXH sees things.


My apologies as well if my posts seem to be condescending or insulting or of that nature.

I agree with papa but only to an extent.

Your husband sees you as someone who will put up with anything he does, because the history proves it.

You've GOT to show him you won't allow yourself to be treated disrespectfully and here I agree with papa, no more sex, deal with him in regards to business only, nothing more.


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## Innosenses (Jul 8, 2011)

I agree with papa5280, some sign of abuse even if it is verbal, mental and physical. After you leave him you should get counseling to check your emotional state out. You sound as if he has all the power over you even after he give it up(OW)!Stand up to him and he will have to respect you!


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