# Exposure of H's affair did nothing



## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

From the discovery day of who the OW is, I literally exposed them to their officemates even to their manager (which is a friend of the OW), my family & H's family. I thought they could help stop the A. The OW (a single mom) tried to resign from work but their manager did not allow her and talked to her. H blaming/put guilt on me if the OW lose her job because she has a 5 yr old daughter to support. Their co-workers just feasted on the news. And of course H & the OW denied it. H's family talked to him thru mobile phone. They expressed their disapoinment and told him to stop the nonsense. His father even condemns him in behalf of the family. The output: H did not talk to his father for 6 mos and his sister and brothers. He just doesnt want to talk to them.

I did all the mistakes of a BW. But eventually showed him the door. He is living with his twin brother for 1 1/2 yr until now. For all those months of being depressed I came to do slowly the 180. Im just tired of being a victim. And I have 2 kids. An 8yr old daughter and a 2 yr old son.

I told him if he wants the lifestyle of a single man so be it. 
After 8mos being kicked from the house, H is texting me that he is tired at work and he wants to come home. And I will always reply that he dont have a family and a wife to come home to. That he should be responsible for his choices and eventhough I am still his wife (we dont have divorce law here), he cannot just toss me aside and pick me up whenever he wants to.

He is so thin right now. No one is doing the laundry, the ironing, paying of bills, shopping for his clothing needs, cooking, cleaning the house even polishing his shoes and etc...

I dont feel any true reconciliation from him. He does not talk anything abt the affair. And my gut feeling is they are still together. I think H just want to have his cake and eat it too.

Well, Im not that dumb anymore. I am not also interested in getting us back together. Even if he ended the affair, not interested to be hurt again.

I thought exposure will have big impact to stop their affair. They just went underground. And now his actions like washing the dishes, flirting and begging for food are confusing me.

I tried to run but he doesnt want to have legal separation. He said he will not cooperate and will not sign. And I am determine not to take him back again.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

wifey75 said:


> From the discovery day of who the OW is, I literally exposed them to their officemates even to their manager (which is a friend of the OW), my family & H's family. I thought they could help stop the A. The OW (a single mom) tried to resign from work but their manager did not allow her and talked to her. H blaming/put guilt on me if the OW lose her job because she has a 5 yr old daughter to support. Their co-workers just feasted on the news. And of course H & the OW denied it. H's family talked to him thru mobile phone. They expressed their disapoinment and told him to stop the nonsense. His father even condemns him in behalf of the family. The output: H did not talk to his father for 6 mos and his sister and brothers. He just doesnt want to talk to them.
> 
> I did all the mistakes of a BW. But eventually showed him the door. He is living with his twin brother for 1 1/2 yr until now. For all those months of being depressed I came to do slowly the 180. Im just tired of being a victim. And I have 2 kids. An 8yr old daughter and a 2 yr old son.
> 
> ...


What country are you in?

What are you asking? You say you do not want him back and you can't divorce him?


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Exposure does not always kill the affair it shines a light on it and is one of the tools that helps destroys the secrecy. It often makes life very uncomfortable for the waywards as you have described in your post. I suspect it had an bigger effect on your husband and OW than you realise.

Ultimately it is your decision to R, your husband chose to cheat and is no longer in a position to decide the future of your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

wifey75 said:


> He is so thin right now. No one is doing the laundry, the ironing, paying of bills, shopping for his clothing needs, cooking, cleaning the house even polishing his shoes and etc...


After giving the boot to my cheating wife, I had to start taking care of all that stuff myself. It wasn't that hard. You should tell him you're not interested in a man who's so dumb he can't eat.


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

The question is, what did the exposure of their affair do? Im just curious. And he texted this to me 2 weeks ago. "Remember this. My obligation and responsbility to you will never end bec you are my wife. If you cant repay that so be it but that is my stand until my last breath. Whether you will give that opportunity or not. You are my spouse even if you dont consider me one anymore. Sorry for making you feel bad. Just got no one to say that im hungry and crying while eating the bread i brought there (house) and bringing it again in the office to eat as my lunch." How pathetic!


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Shame , it is his choice to cheat not yours. Only he knows what exposure did and the impact on him , from his words loneliness and lack of good food are a starting surmission.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

Eli-Zor said:


> Exposure does not always kill the affair it shines a light on it and is one of the tools that helps destroys the secrecy. It often makes life very uncomfortable for the waywards as you have described in your post. I suspect it had an bigger effect on your husband and OW than you realise.
> 
> Ultimately it is your decision to R, your husband chose to cheat and is no longer in a position to decide the future of your marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Does it adds more excitement to their affair? Gives them the more thrilling passion?

H said before that in the end Im still his wife. WoW!


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

lascarx said:


> After giving the boot to my cheating wife, I had to start taking care of all that stuff myself. It wasn't that hard. You should tell him you're not interested in a man who's so dumb he can't eat.


Hahaha...  He said he dont want to eat any fastfood food.


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

Eli-Zor said:


> Shame , it is his choice to cheat not yours. Only he knows what exposure did and the impact on him , from his words loneliness and lack of good food are a starting surmission.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


 that serves him right. Now that he sees that I am happy with my life right now and with the kids, he is giving a hint that he wants to come home without any reconciliation or remorse! LONELINESS? I set him free to be with his OW and yet he still lonely?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

He is only feeling sorry for himself. that message is cringe-worthy and reeks of self pity.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

yeah that message was self centered. all about his pain and his suffering. Don't take his guilt trip he did that to him self.


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## lascarx (Dec 24, 2011)

wifey75 said:


> Hahaha...  He said he dont want to eat any fastfood food.


Tell him to get a cookbook. I made a mess of it the first couple of days but now my kids say I can cook just as good as their mom.

You obviously don't see much in him, but I bet you'd at least think more of him if he started taking proper care of his own day-to-day life. If you would care to, you could tell him that and then maybe he'd do it. Would get the whining off your back at the very least.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

I'm not sure why his inability to take care of himself is of any concern to you at all...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Talk to a lawyer about suing the company. By refusing her leaving,they are effectively condoning and enabling the affair, so you may be able to sue the pants of the company and the boss.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

wifey75 said:


> Does it adds more excitement to their affair? Gives them the more thrilling passion?
> 
> H said before that in the end Im still his wife. WoW!


No it does not give them more thrilling passion. It ruins the affair. If you had not found out about the affair and not exposed it, it would probably still be going on behind your back. He would have you.. his nice wife and the other woman for fun. He would have two women to meet all of his needs and keep him happy.

The probelm is that while it did break them up, he has not done the things that are needed to win you back. It seems from your posts that you do not love him or want him back. 

So get a separation. Double check on this.. usually the other spouse does not haveto sign the separation. If they refuse to then the judge will give it anyway. 

What country do you live in that they do not have divorce law?

On the topic of food, tell him he can learn to cook.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

look its really simple i am not sure why everyone cannot seem to figure it out.

You reap what you sow

You chose this man i feel bad for you but only you can end this and only you can find your happiness. 

Best of luck


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Look ive said it before people who cheat will 95% of the time do it again they are not typically "good people" in my opinion generally they are not good people though you can believe that. Betrayal is something you can defend if you'd like but id prefer to label it and call it out for what it is. Your husband has betrayed you and you can do what you want. I personally think that you should walk away because i would hate to hear you posting another sad thread in say 2 years and the topic being "husband cheated again" and you being emotionally destroyed and in a mess because you go to find out that he cheated again. 


Listen to your Gut its astounding your "husband" can cheat and cheated and now he is feeling sorry apparently its likely not sincere most of the time cheaters are never truly sorry. Your exceptions are people in hopeless marriages though that tends to affect women more than men as they feel trapped.


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

Now that I'm moving on, the burden of his actions are on him. People who have been betrayed and cheaters know what I'm trying to say. There is this saying that love is a decision. Now I decided not to love him. Just want to be a friend to him in the future for the kid's sake. But for now he must accept that he don't have a wife and a family that will give him the status quo in life.

He is misarable now. He keeps on whining abt everything. His work, his clothings etc... I just asks him why he is telling me that and to stop it. That i dont care abt him anymore and we will just talk if it concern abt the kids.

I did tell him one time, why on earth are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong to you? That made him stop and think. I really dont want to be bitter for life that's why I am diverting my thoughts to what will make me feel better and become a very happy and confident person as before. And of course devout my time to our kids.

Well, I think my topic now is healing? Just want to be optimistic. There are far worst than my situation and I know God loves me and His love is sufficient. That's why I dont have any intention of breaking our vow of wanting another aside from him.

To all others who have been betrayed, love yourself more. Plan for yourself. Ignore your spouse and everything about him. It's very hard because of your emotions or feelings for him but love is a decision. Sometimes its all in the mind. And who knows your spouse will notice you again like my H. But that's your call. For me, I had enough.


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

lascarx said:


> Tell him to get a cookbook. I made a mess of it the first couple of days but now my kids say I can cook just as good as their mom.
> 
> You obviously don't see much in him, but I bet you'd at least think more of him if he started taking proper care of his own day-to-day life. If you would care to, you could tell him that and then maybe he'd do it. Would get the whining off your back at the very least.



:smthumbup: I salute all men who can cook to their family. H said he is watching dvd's abt cooking like junior master chef and Hell's kitchen. He just cant keep himself talking whats going on with his life now. And I really dont care coz he may be lying and dont want to be in that limbo again. No way!


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> He is only feeling sorry for himself. that message is cringe-worthy and reeks of self pity.


:iagree: Its all about him. Nothing about what I feel from his cheating.


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

Kurosity said:


> :iagree::iagree::iagree:
> 
> yeah that message was self centered. all about his pain and his suffering. Don't take his guilt trip he did that to him self.


:iagree: Yes I thought of that now.

Why is he in pain? He made a choice. He pursued the OW while I'm trying to save our marriage. He even refused to go back home 3x.


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Talk to a lawyer about suing the company. By refusing her leaving,they are effectively condoning and enabling the affair, so you may be able to sue the pants of the company and the boss.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Im still buying some time. I dont want to take any legal actions out of anger or emotions. It must be for the welfare of the kids.


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

PBear said:


> I'm not sure why his inability to take care of himself is of any concern to you at all...
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## wifey75 (Jan 28, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> No it does not give them more thrilling passion. It ruins the affair. If you had not found out about the affair and not exposed it, it would probably still be going on behind your back. He would have you.. his nice wife and the other woman for fun. He would have two women to meet all of his needs and keep him happy.
> 
> The probelm is that while it did break them up, he has not done the things that are needed to win you back. It seems from your posts that you do not love him or want him back.
> 
> ...


He said this to me on the D-day. I still love you and still want to be with you and the kids but I can't leave her alone because I'm in love with her. Pls. give me time and space. So now I gave him all the time and space he needed but there is no point of returning. 

I really dont know if they break up or they just went underground. I just dont want to care anymore. 

I love him. But decided to stop for my own good.

My country is Philippines.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

By what you have written exposing the affair did something. It did not give you the results you were hoping to get, but...

It gave you control.

It allowed you to show your strength.

It shows that you are a woman of character.

It shows your dignity.

By his actions, words and physcial appearance you exposing him speaks volumns.

I believe it really did something.


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## mikeydread1982 (Oct 7, 2011)

Some guys are so pitiful. Where is this? You're lucky he didn't just replace you in the house with the OW though. Someone else could have come in and did the same things you are. I would try and reconcile, but if you want to leave, you can go. Even if i'm wrong, you're not putting me out of MY house. Must be crazy.


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