# He’s cheating with my best friend



## TheOneWithAUsername (7 mo ago)

👋🏻


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

TheOneWithAUsername said:


> I’d actually like to ask the cheaters what do they think I should do? What would you wish your other half did?


I have never cheated on any of my 3 wives. And, I have no "wish" about any action not done by my WW. My "wish" regards what I did, but totally "wish" I hadn't. What I did was I wallowed around in the "pick me" dance and "believing God for my marriage" for 1-1/2 years following d-day while I never saw one milligram of contrition on her part. What I should have done was COMPLETELY AND CATEGORICALLY END any attempts on my part to restore the marriage, and went about MY OWN LIFE from 30 minutes following when I learned about her affairs.



TheOneWithAUsername said:


> I don’t think there’s a snowballs chance in hell for him to get over her or for us to get back on track if they still keep in touch.


You are completely right in both your statements. 



TheOneWithAUsername said:


> I’m still willing to work on it, go to counseling or do other things that could bring us back together.


Please understand. There is NOTHING which can be done by you to restore your marriage. The cheating is 100% his. Only his. He has to do 100% of the "work" if he wants your marriage to survive. Don't waste your time, don't waste your efforts, don't waste your money. You did not "cause" his cheating, and you cannot "cause" him to quit cheating, and you cannot "cause" him to become other than the lying, selfish sack of **** that he has ALWAYS been. All of that has to be done BY HIM with the help of his God.

Go get a lawyer, today. And your "best friend" ? Drop her like a used kleenex. Your sorry-a$$ husband and her sorry-a$$ so richly deserve each other.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

TheOneWithAUsername said:


> 👋🏻
> What brought me to this page is I’ve experienced the ultimate betrayal - my partner is cheating on me with my best friend. As far as I know it’s only an emotional affair, which doesn’t make it any better. If anything it makes it worse then one time sexual slip. And in all honesty there’s been so many lies that I haven’t got a clue if they haven’t slept together too.
> 
> I’ll give you a quick background. Me and my partner met when he was getting out of his marriage. They were still living together, but as he put it it was done otherwise. I was in a dead relationship too.
> ...


@TheOneWithAUsername I’m sorry you are here and your marriage is in trouble. This is a really messy story of infidelity that you are telling. 

What I have to say won’t be very encouraging, unfortunately.

You married a cheater. He is cheating on you now and will cheat in the future. And make no mistake, he is in a physical affair with your friend. Even if you somehow fix this problem, he will cheat again. Fidelity is not in his vocabulary.

You should never have married this man.

Its time to stand up for yourself and tell him to go to her. See a lawyer and start the divorce.

What would you tell your son to do in the future if his wife was like your husband? End the pain of being with that person and find real happiness. Be an example to him.

Best of luck to you.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I'm so sorry I didn't have time to read your "quick background".


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

If you’re not opposed to the idea of a threesome, sexual exclusivity is not a requirement in your relationship. I’m not clear what the problem is. He’s not going to remove her from his life. It sounds like he has moved on but has not yet cut ties.


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## TheOneWithAUsername (7 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> @TheOneWithAUsername You married a cheater. He is cheating on you now and will cheat in the future.


 The thing is - I hadn’t broken up with my ex as well when I got together with my current partner. (We’re not married) We had discussed going our separate ways and I immediately broke it off after things started with my current partner. I’m as much of a cheater as he is then, but I could never imagine cheating on him. Ever. And I’ve had plenty of opportunities. We were so so happy together that it never even crossed my mind to do it. He’s a really good person. But this thing has just completely messed up his mind.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Yikes - is there a TL;DR?


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

TheOneWithAUsername said:


> The thing is - I hadn’t broken up with my ex as well when I got together with my current partner. (We’re not married) I’m as much of a cheater as he is then, but I could never imagine cheating on him. Ever. And I’ve had plenty of opportunities. We were so so happy together that it never even crossed my mind to do it. He’s a really good person. But this thing has just completely messed up his mind.


And yet he has cheated on you. He's not the same as you and you can't compare.

What you did was crap to your partner at the time. So you have it in you to cheat, even on your current husband. But you haven't and can't imagine it. Your husband _can_ imagine it and has done it.

You can't marry a leopard and expect that they will change their spots.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

They're not married so he is not her husband.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

TheOneWithAUsername said:


> Me and my partner met when he was getting out of his marriage. They were still living together





TheOneWithAUsername said:


> I was in a dead relationship too





TheOneWithAUsername said:


> (My best friend) was in a relationship with a married man for 10 years before (snip), things started with another married man that had kids.





TheOneWithAUsername said:


> He came clean about sleeping with two girls while his marriage was falling apart shortly before he met me.





TheOneWithAUsername said:


> He’s tried (a threesome) once before about 2 years ago. I wrote it off on him being very drunk


You are a trio of ****ty people with terrible boundaries, what exactly did you expect to happen? 

Most relationships that start with infidelity end the same way. Add in a best friend who has no problem banging married men and a job that encourages infidelity... ticking time bomb.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

TheOneWithAUsername said:


> The thing is - I hadn’t broken up with my ex as well when I got together with my current partner. (We’re not married) I’m as much of a cheater as he is then, but I could never imagine cheating on him. Ever. And I’ve had plenty of opportunities. We were so so happy together that it never even crossed my mind to do it. He’s a really good person. But this thing has just completely messed up his mind.


He’s not a good person nor is your friend.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Blondilocks said:


> They're not married so he is not her husband.


Doh! Good catch.
Silly me; kids = married is not true a lot nowadays.

Doesn't change much but walking away is legally easier.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

He cheated several times on his ex wife, you being one of the mistresses. You are friends with a despicable person who thinks nothing of having affairs with married men. Did you really think that either of them could in anyway be trusted?


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

You're not married. No vows were exchanged, no promises were made, and yet you made a baby with a man who was not committed to you. This is your reward for shacking up.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Diceplayer said:


> You're not married. No vows were exchanged, no promises were made, and yet you made a baby with a man who was not committed to you. This is your reward for shacking up.


Thank you for your antebellum judgmentalism. 

They all have problems caused by the fact that they have cheated. "Shacking up" is a minor failing in context.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

TheOneWithAUsername said:


> He’s a really good person. But this thing has just completely messed up his mind.


And yet he’s doing exactly what your ex did despite knowing all the hurt and trouble it caused you. He has the gall to complain about invasion of privacy when he’s being a shady ******. He seems to have no remorse at all and won’t end it no matter how much you ask him to.

Don’t do the pick me dance. Just don’t.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> Thank you for your antebellum judgmentalism.


No judgement here. If people want to shack-up then that's their decision to make. However, they shouldn't complain when one or the other steps out because there was no commitment, no vows exchanged and no promises made. Shacking-up is not the same as being married. When you shack-up, you are free to do whatever you want. Just as you would with any other roommate. So if someone wants a mate to commit to them, they should get married.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

And now she’s deleted her opening post.


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## Sfort (Sep 28, 2019)

Openminded said:


> And now she’s deleted her opening post.


Luckily @BeyondRepair007 quoted the entire opening post. It's in post #3 for anyone who is interested.


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