# The Real World cont....after the divorce.



## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

The other "Real World" thread was focused on my separation and divorce. I appreciate every poster that has listened and given me advice along the way. Most have boosted my spirits along the way, during the darkest of my days. Thank you all.

For those of you that don't want to take the time to read the other thread. My husband and I are newly divorced after 25 years of marriage. I fought hard for 15 months-6 separated but I fought alone. I didn't want this divorce but he was no longer "in love" with me. He sent me mixed messages along the way. 

I'll forever have a connection with him. We have a history of youth, adolescence, adulthood, children, and many firsts. He will never have the same history with anyone else. 

He's a good man. A person that you would like to meet. He just didn't want me anymore. I realize, in my head, that most of the issues were related to some midlife crisis and/or depression. However, there is nothing for me to do. I can't fix him. I pray that he fixes himself. 

My new journey begins. I am a blessed girl. Someone who has been through the fire and continues moving forward with a new life. God has been present in my life and will continue to be my guidance. I have much learning to do.

My first full day of officially single is today. My heart, at this point, is still married.


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

You go girl, good luck with your new life, 
You and I have the same story, I'm 23 years married but my hubby had an affair to end the deal as well as the don't love you any more story.
You did everything you could do and I totally understand the one sided thing, I also never wanted to end my marriage.
We are fixer by nature and I think women just have a special gift to not be quitters.
You can't do it alone and I think we both realize that now.
Be free, I just watched Jim Carey's Yes Man where he just said yes to everything, which opened up new opportunities for him and eventually meet the woman of his dreams, I'm going to adopt a little of that theory and see what happens(within reason haha1)
Keep smiling......hugs


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

CW I am looking forward to sharing in the next chapter of your life story. Keep posting.


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Hey there CW, glad that you've made it through that book and experience unscathed. Now you can really move on and since this is behind you, you can turn your focus to other things. Life your life girl!!


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

CW,

thank you for sharing from the start! how sad it has been and now moving on for yourself!
you are a wonderful person, a strong wise woman! im sure great things are in your future! hugs!


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## Figs (Dec 2, 2009)

jessi said:


> We are fixer by nature and I think women just have a special gift to not be quitters.


i wish that applied to my wife. sorry just venting.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

You are truly an inspiration CW. Please continue to post as your advice and experience is valuable to us all.


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

Wishing you best of luck in your new found single-hood!!


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

I hope that each and everyday is a little bit easier for you CW. The fight was long and the battle was hard. Now, a little reflection and direction is in order. Have a glass of wine and enjoy yourself. Live your life.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

The new frontier. I can tell you this wil be an interesting adventure. One I have never done before and feared often.. I will think of you CW..


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

If anyone will succeed, CW will. She's a jewel.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Yesterday was interesting and truly showed my H's lack of coping skills and anger.

He was trying to get the money to me. Should be easy-wire it or hand me a check. In order to "take care of me" he ends up going to 4 banks and very frustrated as he wasn't getting his way on certain matters. Ones that I didn't care about now or never requested that he take care. 

At the end of the conversation, made from the bank, he says "they are lucky that I don't have a gun." Woooooah! I calmly told him "to calm down. I appreciate you help. You started saying things like that in a bank and you are going to be arrested."

Ends up the bank pres. of another branch calls him and apologizes. She heard about his "fit" in another branch. It's also a client of his...She is willing to push through whatever he wants but needs my approval. I called her and explained that he wasn't appropriate and I was going to stick to how they normally did things. I thanked her.

He's an angry guy my H. The man I knew wasn't like this...the old H. The man of the last 1.5 years is so angry. My friend said...my H was probably angry before that time, but it was kept inside. I agree. 

Part of my process, over time, is to heal. I wake up in a strange world alone. It will take some getting used to this singleton.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

Your H has been depressed and angry- NG behavior shown once again.

Single life is a strange world, isn't it? I keep asking myself, how does it feel differently from separation? What do you think?


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

I would imagine that you think of everything differently. Instead of what would be best for the two of you or the family you think about what you want more. Your days are filled with what YOU want and not what is best. Should be an exciting nervous time. Enjoy some of you time..


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wren: It feels a little different as I am legally divorced. I'll give myself permission to date at this point, when I am ready.

Before..I wouldn't date. I know..it's just a piece of paper but it represented the vows we took.

That's it. I'm on my own. 

My H called about our D....said "I know you don't care but I had trouble opening up a bank acct. as someone stole my SS#/identity theft!

I told my good friend, H...he said "KARMA IS A *****."


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

Good thing your divorced and now not responsible..  See that everything comes around..


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Corpus the cut the bait line was a funny ha ha . Im working on cutting the bait myself. Hope your first day in singleville was a good one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

hard to feel sorry for the guy at this point CW!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

I don't feel sorry for him. And the line, " I know you don't care..." sounds all too familiar. Poor thing.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

I did the angry thing. I've come to a realization over the last year about anger. Somewhere along the line many of us were simply taught that anger is 'bad'. Consequently, we tried to eliminate anger instead of experiencing it, and learning how to deal with it appropriately. I'm not making excuses for your ex, merely an observational comment. 

I think it goes a long way towards explaining how a thirty or forty something man can pitch a fit like a 5 year old out of nowhere, particularly if this behavior has never been part of his previous repertoire.

I downplayed anger my whole life. The ideas I had about anger was that the emotion was immature, disrespectful, inappropriate, pointless and demonstrated a lack of control. None of those things are correct. However, incorrectly addressed or expressed, anger is all of those things.

I went from 0 to 60 and quite literally, it left my ex terrified. I never, ever, made any kind of threats of violence, but having never seen me angry in 13 years, she didn't know what to do. She felt threatened.

I've written previously about my 'moment' where I realized I had gone too far with my expression of anger. As an adult, I recognized it and made adjustments, hopefully your ex will do the same if he's not a complete knucklehead.

And if he is a knucklehead, remember you get to be angry too - and let him know it.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Anger is a newer thing with him also, Deejo, as I have explained.

I agree with you that anger, when appropriate, can be a good thing.

My ex seems be expressing his anger inappropriately-without a filter.

He's unhappy with himself. The only emotion that he can seem to muster is anger. 

He has never expressed anger towards me. Isn't that amazing? Although, I have to say I am a pretty easy girl to get along with...


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

anger - right next to guilt on the emotion wheel.....


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

My H has a new cell phone. No more snooping around our cell logs! Ha. I really semi quit doing that anyway but I welcome the lack of information, at this point.

I went to lunch with his lovely parents. It's sad..how they miss me. Of course, they love their son but don't understand his behavior. Not one family members supports his behavior but they love him. As I do. We don't talk about him anymore-his parents that is...other than a mention of history "remember when."

My D and I had a wonderful weekend, just us. She and I are close and I am very open with her in regards to the changes that are upcoming. I have been angry in regards to my H not sharing ANYTHING with her-just fun stuff. I've told her my budget is different than before. What the plans are for moving and what details there are in finding a house. She's 15 and wants to know but doesn't want to step on our toes by asking. 

On anothe topic, I feel that there is an imaginary race with my husband. Not entirely urgent but somehow in the back of my mind. The race to begin dating. I don't want to be left behind but I am afraid to go the distance. Not fear of dating but fear of rejection. 

I know that I'll deal with it as it comes, but I am being honest now. I feel like I am being thrown in the pit.

My H or ex H has had time to think of all of the good qualities of single life-better, more fun and sex; a fresh start; new people who think you are great. I don't think of single life as being better but maybe in the sense of better than the last year!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

CW = personally I can't wait to hear your reflections on dating ....
and I think you'll definitely beat him there - watch out guys !


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

knortoh said:


> CW = personally I can't wait to hear your reflections on dating ....
> and I think you'll definitely beat him there - watch out guys !


Yeah, that is something that I will find a very interesting read also!!


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## noideato20 (Oct 27, 2009)

Go getum corpus!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW, just remember even when you start dating to make yourself happy and not rely on whomever else. I sense more happiness in you now -- don't let it go.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

You've already beat him- you have emotional honesty and self-awareness. Maybe that's a harsh judgement on my part but I think he's an idiot for letting you go. So, there!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

FA: Thanks...I'll remember that but I've learned my lesson regarding happiness and finding it within. It's my H that needs to learn that lesson.

WREN: You are such a lovely cheerleader! Thank you. It's not harsh when it's the truth. Many folks think that's the case that know him. I've been ahead in the game for along time.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Been thinking of you Corpus! Its strange when I don't even know you in person!! I pray for you at night and I hope that the pain eases for you a little everyday. And yes I agree with Wren, I really don't get your exH...really don't understand why he let you go but I will say you are doing great and remember:

The Lord doesn't take us through deep water to drown us
rather to develop us.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Ash: Thank you for your prayers. I welcome them and pray for you and others on this boards as well. The one thing that this crisis has done was create a spiritual awakening for me. I've never felt such peace. I am blessed.

My ex-H texted me that his dad is going in for a heart cath...they cardiologist is suspicious regarding his dad's heart. I picture in my mind, if something happens to his dad. How will he react? Will he hide or will he seek me for comfort? Hmmm.

I wish for his dad to live many additional years, it's just a natural thought. My ex will call me, after the procedure. I will visit during my lunch hour. 

I spoke to my inlaws tonight. I'll be there for them. You can't take my love away. It's mine to give.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

Cw,

you are so AMAZING yet again!

that is because of the wonderful, kind hearted person you are!

I hope everything goes well for fil, my prayers are with you and your family!

you cant help but picture what will happen...its natural, i do it all of the time...very hard not to especially when it concerns any of those we have so much love for!

please let us know how things go.

on another note, i thought you would like this...

I finally went and got the haircut i have been debating for almost 2 years...laughed in fear when i saw just under 12 inches of my hair go falling to the floor!
was kinda upset she didnt take just a little bit more...could have given it for Locks of Love... got a new color and even a great flat iron to be able to go with it straight...feels GREAT!!!! so looong over due!
girls got theirs done too, they look adorable as always! seems weird to say, but i feel like little by little im finding me again!!!
always the penny pincher...tonight we splurged a bit...was well worth it!


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Good for you lost, and it's good you splurged on you an the girls for one night, I bet you all look wonderful!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

lost: Isn't that fun? A girls day!!! Why not do what you want with your hair-heck it some of the thing that we still can control.

I bet you are beautiful. Thank you for your post. 

My father-in-law is doing fine. They found coronary disease (no surprise) but nothing serious. He had some calcium deposits but no angiogram or open heart stuff. What a relief.

I kept in touch via ex-H. He was friendly. I told them to tell all that "I loved them." He kept me up to date. Asked my advice regarding a weekend business trip and if he should keep. Dad is out of the woods. Why not? Besides...I get my D an extra weekend to boot! Sneaky me...

I'm going to meet my friend, H, for coffee in a minute. I love you guys!


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

Well at least it is good news about your FIL.
Go enjoy that coffee for all of us who have young children and never get out.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

oh CW! im so relieved to hear that! im with believe too! think of us and enjoy your coffee!!!

I dont think i look any different...boy did i get a lot of compliments today though! what an ego boost!!! loved it and felt sooo good!

when h saw it today...well, he even complimented on what a good change i had made!

all has been calm and im thankful for that today, not to sound stuck up cause if you know me...im the farthest thing from it but i was in the spotlight today for the 1st time in a long time! it felt great and im grateful i am going to sleep in the same great mood i woke up in this morning!


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## cpt_confused (Dec 29, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> You can't take my love away. It's mine to give.


That is the absolute best thing I heard today!!... thanks for posting that - it is really a great saying!!


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

You are something else, CW. And your giving spirit will be greatly rewarded.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I love the fact that you are feeling wonderful LOST.

I love the fact that WREN you are energized and moving forward with your life.

Believe...I think that your H distancing himself is going to be in YOUR benefit...you just watch! 

cpt confused: I loved the saying after I wrote it!!!haha 

Many beautiful people here. Coffee conversation was good...two hours worth. 

I was going to a singles group tonight but I have my dear D and want to hang with her. I've been busy many nights this week-gym, coffee, etc. I can be "single" next week.


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

Good for you CW! You seem to sound perkier. I wish I could go and stay busy but the kids are still so young that I am stuck home alone with my thoughts at night.
I hope my H staying away will work in my favor. If not for him missing me then for me to finally get over him.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Believe: That was what I was thinking for you. Either way, it could be in your benefit. Will you H take the kids overnight or for the evening?


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Believe- I know what you are saying about having young children, it is difficult to get out. Can you aim for getting out of the house once a week? It will do wonders....

CW- I like hearing that your doing well, I am sure you will still experience "down" days but you are putting one foot in front of the other and thats good. 
A singles group? What exactly does that entail? I suppose its exactly how it sounds, how did you go about and find out about it?
Glad coffee was good, just talking with someone has a way of healing a bit.


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> Believe: That was what I was thinking for you. Either way, it could be in your benefit. Will you H take the kids overnight or for the evening?


Not for awhile yet. He still has a roommate where he is so until that guy moves out he doesn't have the room. Thank god. I am not ready for that yet.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Ash: The singles group is through my church. Many of the larger churches have them. There are a few bible study things and some mingling as well. I didn't go Thurs. but will go this coming. I don't know what to expect.

My D is having a difficult time with me! I am having a difficult time with my D. She is moody. However, we had a conflice after work today. She hung around the house and did nothing on her big chore list (2 items). Then she quit talking to me when I told her to do them. Then at dinner...more attitude with "I want to live with Dad lingo." That pisses me off...but she doesn't know it.

This is going to be a long weekend.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

I am having one of those weekends with Ray....
thinking of you 
glad that she doesn't know that you are pissed - 
I am like an open book with my kids ...have to get a bit smarter...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm of the mantra..."never let them see you sweat." 

Under my skin...I can be boiling.

I keep telling myself, if I made it through my son's teens then my D's should be a piece of cake!

She's in her room. I am going to check on her now. ...........still the attitude. Lovely.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

You can handle this CW, like everything else. I'm just glad I didn't have a girl. In about 7 years I'd be in jail I'm sure for a shot gun wound if I had a daughter.

You are strong, you can do it.

Thanks again for your perspective. I wish I could see that perspective all the time.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

It always blows over. She doesn't stay angry long but this morning I gave her something to think about. Sort of reminding her the kind of woman that she wants to be.....And taking responsibility for your part in disputes. It's hardly ever one-sided right?

On the other front..I am seriously thinking of putting myself on match.com. I'd like to approach dating as meeting new people and very casual. Nothing serious of course...I've known serious for along time. 

Tonight, I will be going with friends to dinner, movie and drinks. We'll be meeting up with others for the drinks. I find that I like to do things with friends on my weekends...this is such a new concept for me. I have never been friend motivated when I was married.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

CW I am having similar thoughts - about the dating thing 
(even though we don't date here)
I have a vision (it may be deluded) of having a lot of fun meeting new people - NOTHING SERIOUS
and same with friends I have so enjoyed catching up with my friends lately...
We only have one life to live and this is the one we have been given 
I have no intention of staying at home and being sad for the next 5 years...
only through reaching out will we heal I believe ...


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Yep, my D has a real attitude now also, I think it's to hide the hurt. She has really clammed up and is trying to avoid the situation kind of like pretending that the "elephant" isn't in the room. She watches TV until the wee hours and then sleeps late. I'm getting worried. 

It's good you are going out with friends and starting a new life CW. That's real inspiration to me.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

K: I know you don't really date there but whatever you do...I'd suggest you start thinking about getting out there. I don't think we are going to wait on anyone, at this point. I'm glad that it's floating around in your mind.....like it is mine.

Notaclue: You won't be where K and I are at this point. The sadness and dissappointment is overwhelming at times isn't it? Wren, Feelingalone, Knortoh, and I have been wrangling with our spouses for awhile. It does get easier to handle. There is no magic pill here but you can overcome this tragedy. So can your D. 

Your D will be sad, she is in shock, like you are but doesn't know what to do with her emotions. I have a feeling that you are a wonderfully caring dad. Just allow leave the topic "open" and be available when she begins to open up-drop everything. I can't force mine to talk-she clams up. She's 15 and sometimes (see above) very moody. I know this is something that they could not have imagined...like us. I say my prayers for my children and all of the children that are victims of divorce (as in our case).


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

I sure hope I can get where you and K are CW. I do fine for awhile and then it kind of sneaks up on me. 

I will also pray for our Daughters and children. This isn't their fault but they are drawn in the vortex.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Not 
it is just time 
although sadness doesn't go away bit by bit you will begin to see or feel how you can have a new life. None of us know so far what that new life may look like - too many unknowns -

but just lately I have realised that I only have one life and this is it.
No point waiting around anymore.

I can't agree more with CW - 
you will survive and get through because you haven't done anything wrong.

This in itself is a tough cross to bear, but I hope that you can draw strength from that...

If I had a way to help you stop the pain I would tell you - 
all I can do is say I have some idea of it and I feel for you.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Thanks K, I'll try to remember I haven't done anything wrong, but I still feel like I have failed. I am old school I guess, but I should have seen it coming and didn't. 

I can't stop thinking about things I could have done better. I wake up all night long and have these thoughts. Self defeating I know, but they still persist. 

We all have our cross to bear and I just need to find a way to do it with grace and humility. 

BTW you are in Australia right ? Is divorce as prevalant down there as in the US ? just wondering ?


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Not,
One of the things that I have found hardest to bear is that when this happens there is no chance to make amends even for the little things that we may have done in the marriage....

We all have those - and we slip into thinking 
if I would have done this ...etc...

We would like the chance to talk this out etc..

But if it is the same for you - my spouse wasn't interested ....
when we went to marriage counselling he actually said he had nothing on the agenda...nothing

it wasn't about that it was about him only what he felt - he was unwilling to discuss anything - except the fact he felt he didn't want to be there for some 'illogical' (his word) reason....

It was similiar for CW - for us there is no 'reason' our spouses left...

We are left with the mystery and to fnd out own answers.

Going over your relationship at this stage is natural. 

Staying awake at night at this stage is part of it as well.

It is not pleasant stuff.

Sadly our divorce rates down under are pretty much neck and neck with you guys (slightly lower) -

And recently our chidl sipport laws have changed dramatically so that in my case I am not entitled to very much by way of support despite the fact my H makes well over twice the income I do...

I'd be better off if he did this to me a few years ago - 

But you know the rates of divorce for 2nd and 3rd marriages are even higher over 60% .....

My counsellor tells me she deals with people all the time who wish they now stuck out their first marriage....

We know this - our spouses are playing with fire -
they have no idea


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Notaclue: I would never wish this kind of grief on anyone. I can remember laying (yes laying) in my shower crying. I felt like I wished that God would take me but not really as I still had my kids. Many months of interupted sleep. Praying for an instant change in my H to "get it." 

I tried up until the end-begging, pleading, convincing, guilty, bargaining, sex, praying, and no contact. If I had to do it again, I would............do it ALL again. I tried everything humanly possible. 

K: Many folks wished they would have stuck it out with the first marriage. The ones that left, I believe, end up with the biggest regrets.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

K and CW that's exactley how I feel. I know I can no longer talk to my W at this point as she is determined that or marriage is over and is very happy? about it, but I can't stop these overwhelming feelings that you describe. I know what you mean when you asked the Lord to take you. 

I don't mean any revenge or anything, but I do hope someday she fully realizes what she has done and truly does have regrets. The way she is acting - I doubt it. 

Thanks for helping me through this and giving me advice - it really makes a difference.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Notaclue: They will have regrets...unless we were some sort of monster or had multiple affairs/addiction/abuse. 

Eventually, they have to look at themselves in the mirror and it won't be pretty.


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Corpuswife said:


> Notaclue: They will have regrets...unless we were some sort of monster or had multiple affairs/addiction/abuse.
> 
> Eventually, they have to look at themselves in the mirror and it won't be pretty.


...and usually by that time, it is too late. Too many things have been set into motion and too many feelings have been stepped on.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

read another scary statistic yesterday - 80% men are remarried within 5 years....how weird is this?
why do it all again when you have caused so much pain?
slightly lower for women - 70%....


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## sirch (Jan 8, 2009)

If I EVER come here and tell you folks that I am getting remarried, please take a gun to my head!! LOL


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## mwdbuckeye (Jan 17, 2010)

Considering I am at the beginning of this nightmare I can't imagine that day that those papers will hit me. I'm not sure that today is a celebration or not. I am not sure that us men really get it. I know I never got it until I was forced to look at myself. No amount of yelling and screaming from my wife over the past 24 years made that much of a difference. I did enough to get her to stop and then I would go back to being ignorant. I will pray for you and your happiness. I will pray for him and will hope that he gets it one day.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Sirch: Never say never!!! ha

mwbuckeye: Try not to worry or fret too much about the future. Keep praying. Sometimes we ALL can be dense. Even though I was a pretty darn good wife...I wasn't perfect. For me the divorce wasn't a celebration. For others...it's a relief. Maybe it was a little of that for me...relief.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Maybe it is relief CW. Or a new you. One day..... he will realize his loss.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I know FA most people say that to me. 

For now, my mother is driving me nuts! We have always had a parent/child relationship..I'm the parent she's the child-long story.

Anyway, if she doesn't quit "checking on me" I will end up in the looney bin! She calls me daily and wants to get together. I have to get a little forward with her and set my boundaires. I told her I hate to be coddled and will let her know when I do. Part of my frustration comes out with her. I am doing awesome. She wants to figure things out...talk about my ex..or whatever.

I told her I have a busy life and don't want to focus on him anymore. He's taken up too much of my time already.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

CW, do we have the same mother?!
I think mine has finally accepted that I can't fix J or us.
To be fair, my brother and his wife separated around the same time. So 2009 was full of loss for the family.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

Wow, CW, you handled the mom situation perfectly! Great job of setting boundaries and sticking to them. We all could (and do) learn a lot from you.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Nicely done CW. A lot of people, myself included, during times like this allow, even at times welcome, someone overtaking their life. Possibly even making decisions for them. I am sure her intentions may be from the heart, however you are choosing to stand on your own two feet. Thats good.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I feel a bit bad but my mother and I have a relationship that a bit....different. Anyway, I treat her with respect and all but am very forward with her. I can't "think" she understands what I am saying. I have to tell her directly.

I am feeling so good guys! Really. I have a moment or two, like this morning when I was having a chest cramp (left side) from working out and sleeping wrong. I thought if I had a heart attack..no body would find me until Friday! It cried a little when I woke up. Then, I said a prayer and figured I have to die sometime. I guess I don't really care who is here to witness it! 

I know morbid. haha


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

I'm so happy and proud of you CW! Every time you post you seem more certain and positive about your future. 

You are able to laugh about things that are sometimes difficult to think about. If you can't laugh, you cry.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Yes CW you are the pin up girl of surviving the tough times -
I love the way you look at things


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Busy week guys! I don't know how I am going to find time to date!!

I have such a full life. I smile more. It isn't perfect and I have moments and thoughts of my previous life-the one that I had so desperately wanted back. 

Why did I want it back so desperately?


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

Too busy to date! I like the sound of it.
my gf and I are trying to sort out our schedule -
will it be French classes or rock-climbing this week?


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

You ladies are giving me such inspiration! I need to fill my life with even more smiles. we actually have the power to do so!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

K: I like rock climbing! But the French classes can be picked up along the way...later. I guess it's about being outdoors for me and releasing the emotions that way.

Wren: I am not a natural smiler but I practice smiling at people-strangers even. Then I say "hello" when appropriate. How is your new "friend" coming along. I hope you are having a great time.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

The outdoor stuff seems to be very important in helping to release or manage emotions - just getting really tired can help...Ray and I went for a run to the park this morning and then did some chin ups and sit ups on the bars and ran home - it is fun now that they are getting old enough to do stuff like this with...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Yes, K it does get fun to be to participate in things side by side.
You sound like such a fun active mom!

I cried a bit before I went to bed last night. I hadn't done that in a while. In my prayers, I still refer to my ex as my husband. It's all semantics or in my heart I almost feel as if he's still is....

The trigger for me is that I have posted myself on a dating website. On one hand, it makes me sick that I am doing this on the other hand, it's something that I need to do. I need to do this to know that someone would actually be interested in my company.

I don't mind telling you all, that after a blow like mine/ours, that I am a bit insecure about my abilities. Yes, I know I have many great qualities-even my ex continues to say it. However, who knows? 

I will take this slow and maybe develop some friends along the way. We will see.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

CW I am proud of you. Taking control. Getting yourself out there. Sure it will raise some emotions in you but I can't help thinking that you are also going to have a lot of fun. 
Interest that's the key I agree 100%
I remember saying to my counsellor that I felt that my H was profoundly uninterested in me ...
I really love your sensible ways CW.

I have a feeling that your ego will be rewarded fairly quickly and your issue will be keeping those guys at bay! 

And yes maybe you will also find a friend or two. You are excellent friend material.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW, i'm not worried about you finding someone. Your H should be. You are honest, strong, straight forward, and very rooted in who you are -- so that comes across to most people.

I understand your thoughts of insecurity but don't dwell on them. They get you no where and wastes energy.


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## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Corpuswife said:


> Yes, K it does get fun to be to participate in things side by side.
> You sound like such a fun active mom!
> 
> I cried a bit before I went to bed last night. I hadn't done that in a while. In my prayers, I still refer to my ex as my husband. It's all semantics or in my heart I almost feel as if he's still is....
> ...


CW... one day, out of left field, someone wonderful is going to sweep you up off of your feet. You deserve it. Believe that good things can happen to you. And hopefully, before you fall asleep at night... there will be a smile on your face and a peace within your heart. The only tears that you will shed, will be those of joy and happiness.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You guys make me wanna cry...again! This time because of how caring your words are....

I think I may have a date this weekend, a coffee "date." I'll let you know more details as they come along. We are having trouble with schedules.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Good for you CW, I think it's great that you are moving on with life and have a date. I hope someday to have it all together like you. I am so happy good things are starting to happen for you. 

BTW, your Ex-H is going to realize what he has done and will be very sorry.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Well coffee date is Sunday around 6 pm. 

Notaclue..I believe the same thing as well. I have moments when I am thinking "well maybe I am wrong." However, not one person that has known us has said he won't regret and want to come back. Even his best friend. He may already be feeling regretful.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

A coffee date. Way to go CW. And I thought I had the first date.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

FA: I'll be waiting for our date! It may not be the first one at this point but we'll have fun!

I found out some info. on my guy. My girlfriend has dated him a few times while back. Gave me the scoop. He has a "red flag" in his column now. My friend H and others have encouraged me to go ahead with the date. Treat it like a practice date. 

I don't want to waste time and mess around with someone that won't be dating material. I have a clear mindset of how a relationship should work. It's all I have ever known and it's a clear fight internally. I know that I am not looking for a marriage just for fun and "we'll see." I need to clear my head from this thinking.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Sorry to hear he already has a "red flag", but listen to H. Just try to have fun.


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

> I don't want to waste time and mess around with someone that won't be dating material. I have a clear mindset of how a relationship should work. It's all I have ever known and it's a clear fight internally. I know that I am not looking for a marriage just for fun and "we'll see." I need to clear my head from this thinking.


"Relationship" = "R" word.

Hi. . .new to the forum and I have started dating again, after 15 years of marriage. 

(don't worry, won't hit on you  )

I dated someone for around a month over hte holidays - it was nice to feel "normal" and all that - go out to dinner, come home, fool around on the couch some, send flirty texts (this was a new 2010 experience for me since I last dated). . .but we both kind of put a stops to it b/c I came to the conclusion (we came to it) that just from a logistical standpoint. . .a relationship couldn't be sustained because of my important schedule with the kids.

I am not sure if you have children or other time-intensive obligations.

But she has backed down and just considered a friendship with benefits, or going on a cruise/fling in March. So perfect! And it's "adult" b/c it can be sequestered from my children. And maybe it will grow - I enjoy her co. a lot and wouldn't mind monogamy, just not a "R" word.

Now. . .to your benefit. . .there are guys out there who want a relationship. . .I totally realize now that not all women want a relationship and not all men just want flings so don't despair. Some women want flings. . .it works both ways and both genders.

Normally, this isn't me. . .I was always the true-blue "faithful" doteing husband, happy to be the married guy, the "marrying type". But I am stepping out my box and thinking flings, fun, etc.

Anyway, I think we all yearn for a "soulmate" but I don't think the "R" word should even be in your vocabulary right now. Just my opinion. The fact you still cry at night tells me you are not ready for a relationship, even if you are ready to date (make sense?)- you may need to mourn a bit longer. But. . .forcing yourself out there may be the right medicine. I think that's a good thing and go have fun.

I think there is a "Relationship Window" when you break up - between 6 to 12 months.

If you date 6 months or under, you run the risk of just repeating the same mistakes you made in your previous relationship - jumping to the next guy who was the same as the last. If you wait 12 months or more, you never change and grow as a result of the relationship - you become set in your ways. 

Just go out on a date and have fun, come back, call your girlfriends and talk about how handsome he was, how ugly he was, what a dote he was, how charming he was, etc. and decide if you'll go out on another.

Good for you. Just a parallel male perspective about where you are at with all this (yes, I still sometimes think of her as "my wife" - probably neural pathways are set).


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Scanner: Thanks for the post! I think you are right on with the relationship thing...I guess as stated in my previous post I am still holding onto the "relationship" thing ...as that is all I have ever known.

I will purposely need to refocus my thinking out ot the R word to the F word (fun)! I know that will be battle at this point.

I am a busy girl with kids and really don't seem myself time-wise or heart-wise entering into a relationship anytime soon. My D have a few more years of high school. So my fun dating adventures will be in "hiding" during this time. 

Great advice.


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

Kind of funny reading through this page; I am still trying to come to terms with the fact that my 15 years of bliss are probably over. soon after I got the devastating news of her PA, I strangely found myself on a dating website, sort of a knee jerk reaction I guess. Something I had NEVER considered before. I guess as independent as I view myself to be, I realy have a deep down fear of being alone. Anyway, I was imediately disgusted with myself and have moved on to ponder the more important issues for now.........

So CW, whats with you and this date, I was realy hoping you and FA would hit things off!!!


Hmmm, I wonder if a relationship has come from in here? that would be a powerfull thing, now wouldnt it? (I know, inapropriate thought....)


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

hyndsight: I understand too well the fear of being alone. I really don't mind it so much but it still seems foreign. I've been with someone so long...no matter what they are a presence. 

It's normal to take a peek at what's out there via the dating sites. I did as well. I didn't subscribe until after my divorce. I guess I am traditional! ha

I have already promised FA a date! He might not be my first date but he will be on my "favorite" list! He knows this already. Right FA?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Oh yes! I forgot to tell you guys...My ex called today to ask if he could come over, while I was gone to do some stuff at the house. It's his now and I said "yes." 

He chatted for about 15 minutes about misc. things. He said he would like to keep me on his auto insurance, if that was ok as he feels that it would be cheaper if we all stayed together. (duh-it would be really cheap for me that way). "Sure that sounds good" I said.

Then, he told me that he'd like to keep me as beneficiary on all of his accounts and life insurance as he doesn't have anyone else he wants to put on. "Sure that sounds ok" I said.

He then chit chatted awhile longer.

Then several hours later he asked about my trip out of town to visit a family member (for the day). He asked about my family. He asked about my friends. He said he liked talking to me and didn't see a reason as to why we shouldn't talk like this. I didn't say anything regarding that statement.

He offered his money to my mom/husband as they are having financial problems. I told him thanks. 

He asked if he could manage my money that I left behind with him (he's a stockbroker). I said "sure...are you soliciting me?" He laughed. He said "S..you know I will always take care of you." 
Right!!

He sounds like a lonely guy.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Wow, sounds to me like he realizes he made a big time mistake and is trying to keep the door open to come back at some point.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

notaclue: This is his same ole mixed messages that he's given me the whole time. He still loves me..I know this and he's said so. I still love him. Maybe he loves me like______ (you fill in the blank). I don't know.

No surprise here-it must be the friendship thing that brings him back. 

Oh well.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

wow C! interesting huh?

we have sooooooo much in common!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW,

I'm turning red in the face -- favorite list. Yes I know. Just trying to figure out how to get you back here to the south. Ya know Charlotte aint that too far from Aiken --- and its better. Good ole grits and barbecue.

Hynd, take a look at CW's other thread The Real World. And if you knew all that she has gone through on top of her marriage situation -- you would be amazed and inspired even more. She is strong, well grounded, and yet has that curiosity of more.

Are you blushing CW?


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

Geesh FA, I thought your threads were long! oh well, guess I'll make coffee, looks like its gonna be another long night. I feel like you guys reading NMMNG, just cant put it down....


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

hynd: FA is right about my other thread "The Real World." This is the one after my divorce and that has been since Jan. 6th! Whew! Prepare for a read of pain.

Anyway....today my ex calls to stop by to do something to the boat (doesn't run). He called before and I just got home. 

My D and I sat down to watch a Scary Movie 4 (midpart). My ex chatted and he said how tired he was. I was also and was fixing to take an afternoon nap. He asked if he could nap here. I said "sure" (guestroom I am thinking).

I said I am going upstairs "later." They stayed for a little while later. I got to tell you all....I was surprised that he didn't follow me for his "nap." Just got the vibe. 

Well gotta go for coffee guys. Such an interesting life.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Have fun at coffee. 

Interesting about C. So did he nap there?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

No he didn't nap here. I went upstairs for my nap. If I would have invited him...he would have "napped" here. HA! I didn't. He left 10 minutes later with our D.

Coffee was a bust. He didn't show. I came home to an email how he ended up having his D for the evening. I think he knew we had mutual friends and bolted! I knew a little too much about him....


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

Bummer CW. I was hoping to get a good juicy recap on your coffee outing! 

I am proud of you for putting yourself out there and giving it a try. There will be more outings for you. I just know it.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Yep..no juicy bits. He apologized profusely. I didn't respond.

My ex came to pickup my D after school. He invited me over for dinner. I told him that I wasn't hungry. I'm indifferent at this point.

He left with a hug.

Amazing how this man doesn't seem to be steering his ship. Just goes whereever he wants.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Sounds like he doesn't know what he wants. Also sounds like maybe he wants you to be his mother.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW,

When was the last time C asked you for dinner? Was he taking a step -- throwing out an idea. That took courage on his part.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

He's asked before....cooked it here in fact. 

He was throwing it out as he's getting comfortable at this point.

It took courage but I know how he is...sometimes he tosses out ingenuine invitations. He gets brownie points for it!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

CW I am reading ....keep me entertained


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

Adventures of CW!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

So far my online dating has been a bust guys! I've been "winked" out and had emails but really no one has struck my interest. I'm not extremely picky but know what I want.

I do have to follow the advice that I don't have to be looking for a relationship just a date. It takes less pressure off.

So far everything is good. I'm not complaining. Just trying to fit in my life after work and all. 

Last week I didn't work out once. I felt like I backtracked a bit and need to get on the wagon. That's one of the pieces that I need to fit in my life. 

My ex is friendly in his emails. I guess it is sort of a relief that he his the divorce done. It is for me as well. It's a new world.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wren...also give us an update! We've missed you!!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW, sorry to hear that. But at least you've been winked at and are "out there". Got to keep on that wagon with working out. That is why I choose to do that 6 week program. It wasn't too long or too short and seemed doable and get me in a routine. Now in week 6 I am starting to look forward to working out -- makes me feel better. Heck and since the weather the past two Sundays has sucked -- no soccer -- I need it. Hoping this Sunday I can play.

I agree -- Wren give us updates on you.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I've never been a fan of the gym. My friend and I are thinking that we may be taking a dance class called ZUMBA. This is supposed to be alot of fun and great exercise.

My mom and I had dinner tonight. She said she's worried about me. I told her that I was better than 99% of the people. I meant it!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW,

You told your mom the truth, you are better than 99 percent of the people. Just keep it up. 

I hate the gym too, but keep it going.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

I think if I could take dance classes at a gym, I would stick with it. Working out bores me. And I am just not motivated enough for self care these days. I'm so ready for Spring.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Zumba!!! Take the class CW its a lot of fun (and it's quite a workout as well)


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Ash: Have you taken it? My coworker is addicted. She thinks the cure for world peace=Zumba; to solve hunger=Zumba. We joke with her that she thinks it will solve all of our problems. 

Wren: Get out there as much as possible....maybe a dance class. Get the body moving! 

I am so proud of you guys. We have come along ways.

By the way....My evenings are getting more exciting. I'm not going to say much here. But I wanted to let you all know...it's good being a "schoolgirl!"


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Zumba -- oh no. My w does that and has taught it. Actually I think it was the only clasee i've ever seen people walking out with smiles on their face.

Yes Wren, explore life. That is what we all should be doing.

Interesting CW.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Hmmm. I am still grieving. I know this as the proof comes in small doses.

A song, from Taylor Swift, made me think of the old day.....pre pre marriage. It's called "15." It made me think about the intensity of first love. Of course, I cried softly in the car....my D was present.

I mention these things as many think I am doing perfect and strong and moving forward. I'm not perfect. Today, I feel melancholy. The good outnumber the bad, at this point.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Sorry CW, it takes a long time to fully recover, up to 5 or more years in some cases. 

My counselor said that we should look for one good day and then two good days and then three good days...... until we have a lot of good days. She also said that every once in a while we will go to a dark place, and something strange may even trigger it, but that's just normal. It's good you are at a point where you have more good days than bad days. 

I just want to be as strong as you are someday- you are an inspiration !


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

hey corpus,
music can hit you right where it hurts and sometimes it is good to let it out..your daughter is old to enough to begin to understand your grief - remember she is grieving too - another version but still grief ....
I would be so more worried about you if you weren't experiencing this as well as feeling ok - none of us is perfect and we don't expect you to be ..sending you lots of love


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

omg C! the irony!

i dont even turn the radio on as of late! it gets me every time! i dont care tho cause im always in the car, and sometimes ill listen and have a good old sob fest to let it all out!

some may say it is punishing myself...it always makes me feel better though!


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

I hear you guys! I just wish that after 13 months I could stop crying. I cry because I am hurt or lonely or exhausted emotionally or out of sheer frustration. It sucks.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Believe there will be a day where the tear don't come as easily.

6 months ago, I cried out of pain and frustration. 

Now, I'm not in so much pain and probably have no frustration. 

Now my tears are for the memories. I see it as healthy.

You are still disconnecting Believe and pain is involved. It will take a little more time.


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## ZoeCat (Nov 20, 2009)

Corpuswife said:


> Believe there will be a day where the tear don't come as easily.
> 
> 6 months ago, I cried out of pain and frustration.
> 
> ...


CW - I am finally letting myself go and grieve for the marriage I had, for the husband I loved so dearly and for the best friend that I have now lost. We may have had problems, his heart was never in it - from day one. I think that hurts more than anything. I know now that he's ready to start a new relationship with someone new and that is taking some time to get used to: knowing he will be doing our fun things together with somone else. 

Thank you CW for sharing your story. I read everything you have gone through and are still going through and you still get through the days and provide for your children. I am trying to follow your example (and the example of so many others) and pick myself up and move on.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

Believe, I still cry. Not nearly as often as I did 9 months ago and for different reasons, I think. It's cleansing as long as it doesn't keep you from living.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You are correct Wren...grief is allowable. 

I hope Knortoh doesn't mind but she said she is "accepting" her grieving (maybe not her exact words). I like that.

I put in another contract on a house. I've lowballed it and have no expectations other than it would be nice. My realtor/friend noticed how I'm not extremely excited. It's bittersweet to do this on my own. It's bittersweet that I am looking to move away from my "family" home. Plus, with business it better to not get to attached. 

I can't tell you how much you all mean to me for sharing my life experiences. Who woulda thought? I never expected this out of a message board.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Today is my ex's birthday. I texted him a "happy birthday" message. I encouraged my D to call him and invite him to dinner, after school/tennis. She did.

They called and invited me with them. They were already at the place and I was still at work. I declined but thanked them. On the way home, I get another call, from my ex inviting me. I said no...you guys go ahead. He said "can I bring you a sandwich." "No thanks" I said. Anyway, he practically begged to bring me one. I relented.

He brought the food when he dropped off our D. He came in a we gave him his birthday gifts. I feel so bad for him. My heart goes out. He doesn't look good or happy. A lonely man.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Another day with seeing the ex at our D's tennis match. He loves to stand close and hover. Amazing. After the match, he offered to take our D back to the house as she needed to stay to watch others. I wanted to leave.

He followed me to the car. Not sure why but helps me put my chair in the truck and then hugs. Then upon, D's drop off he comes in the house and hangs with her. I'm upstairs "napping." 

My only analogy that I can think of is he's like a puppy. Like a lost little puppy. 

Today, during the match etc. He told me he'd gained 20 pounds. I'm not sure but I did notice a few but the weather hasn't been good for bike riding (his exercise). 

Mind you...I am really good at reading behavior. I can tell he's at the cusp of finding regret for his actions. This will take many more months to realize. Then, he may/may not do a thing about it. Just me foretelling the future!!

In the meantime, I'm having a life and doing quite well at it. 

I've put a contact on a house and waiting to hear from the owner if he's accepted my bid. Then, the real work will begin.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Good luck on the house CW. Sounds to me like maybe your Ex-H wants to come back, but probably is still confused and conflicted or maybe is afraid to approach you about it because of all the damage he has done. Obviously he still has strong feelings for you.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

CW, you continue to inspire me. 
Happy Valentine's Day! <3


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wren...you also inspire me. You have come along way baby!! We all have 

Notaclue: Perhaps you are right. However, if I asked him today (I'm gutsy enought to do it and/or stupid) he wouldn't know what to say. He probably would have the same deer-in-the headlights look.

He's gained weight, quit working out regularly, takes Ambien on occassion, probably drinks to much, and who know what else. He probably has a bit more suffering to do.


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

CW, you are not responsible for the fact he seems unhappy and has gained weight. I think you know that but I just wanted to tell you. 

He is responsible for his own life. Always has been. It's up to him to make the most of this situation.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Yes CW he still has more suffering to do. And the weirdest part of his journey is that it is self inflicted -- his pain, his suffering all stems from himself. Maybe he will realize that ---- cause life had to be better for him before all this mess. Now it sounds like he has depression. Geez.

Happy V-day.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I believe it's been depression all along. I don't think he believed it as it was the marriage causing the crisis. 

I can't be blamed any more. That's why the cusp is near-

My V-day started out wonderful with the one that always loves me! I went to church-enough said.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Depresssion - that's what I have been telling my W, but she won't believe it. I truly believe she is in denial and thinks everytime I mention depression, I am trying to say there is "something wrong" with her. Can't win, they are stuck in their own fantasy world and we can't seem to get them out of it.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Well I was there for a while in depression land. And its not pretty. CW, I know you get that. You can't push it Notaclue --- just let her figure it out.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Depression land is no place I want to visit again. I'll pass.

Looks like my offer was accepted on the house. This week I'll have inspections, etc. Should close soon.

I told my ex as he will move back into the family home after I move.

I feel sick. Literally, my stomach is upset. My friends see it as an exciting time to buy furniture and decorate. Usually, I would see it that way.

Now, I just see it as being removed from my family home. The last step of my process.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Congratulations on the house CW. It is bittersweet I know. And I never want to visit that depression land again either. Cause it hurts to know what you put those whom you love the most through.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Yes congrats on the house CW. It hurts but it was may I say? a necessary step? And a good one at that. And while the excitement about moving may be beyond your grasp at the moment, just look around you and feed off of all your friends excitement.

Heading in such a positive new direction. Lots of Love CW.


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

I know how you are feeling. I too have been removed from our family home. 

It's funny, I actually miss our house more than I miss my H. I catch myself thinking, "if only I could go back one more time and see it again and say my goodbyes." 

I quickly stop this thinking because as much as I loved our little house, it's not the same now. The furniture is different (as I took most of it), the yard is different, and most important the people who live there are different. It doesn't hold the same love that it once did. Plus it would hurt too much to go back. 

And that's what I ask you, CW. Is your family house really the same? Or is it a constant reminder of the family that once lived there?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

mls: It's a reminder of what was...

That's is one of the reasons why I didn't want to keep it. Let him have the memories. I am keeping the family pics in the hallway. Reminder here, reminder there.....

He congrated me. I flipped him off (in my mind). lol


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

Good for you CW with the house and all. I love your attitude towards the relationship. I can feel myself getting there. I am starting to feel like oh well his loss. In the end it is them that will pay for this mistake.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Believe: I go between wanting to flip him off to feeling sorry for him. But mostly it's a "whatever" attitude.

He's had our D after school and will be stopping by to get her stuff. I hope to be gone in 30 minutes as I don't want to see him.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW, boy do I get that sometimes wanting to flip off -- but now I think I'm with you on whatever.

How's the house coming along?


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Right there with you on the flipping off part. 

I want to keep the house however, not so much for my own memories but rather for the kids so they have a familiar place when they stay with me. This is the only house our son knows and his 3 sisters also consider this "home" because it's the house they've been in the longest.

I know my W hates the fact she left and that I'm in the house. She would always get angry when she stopped by to drop them off or pick them up. Her loss. Her decision to leave. Whatever.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Yes WHATEVER!

Well, the house had it's inspection today. Turned up something major. We'll see how the seller comes back. Nothing that can't be fixed with money...lol.

I'm not at all worried or upset. It's just a house. There will be another one. I'm not in love with it...I can walk away. HEY! Isn't that what my ex said????


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Good one CW. Yes but you are talking about an object.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I am still figuring out the house situation....meetings with inspection tonight. 

Probably will have a couple of dates this weekend. More than likely a drink or coffee type thing. Just meeting them. 

Am I looking forward to these dates? I am not sure...I'll keep you posted. 

Technically, there is only one "date" that I look forward to about now.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

How did the meeting go with the inspector? Go out have a few free drinks and enjoy. You deserve to enjoy life.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Inspector went as expected! 

I'm getting an estimate on the repair and work towards the negotiating with the seller. I'm not sure if he wants to negotiate...

Actually, it's turning out to be dinner on Tues. after work for one. 
It's just dinner.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

CW, I would probably pass on the house if it's major problem. Even house inspectors miss concealed damage and no telling what else might turn up. There are too many houses out there right now to buy something with major problems.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Nothing major...just tile on the floor (but all of it). 

I had an awesome inspection...pics and all. Worth every penny. 

I live on an island and in my price range...the pickings are slimmer. Still a buyers market compared to 3 years ago!


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

You are doing great CW - ticking this stuff off the list so that you can move on. 
It may offer you no consolation at this point but you know he isn't going to be happy there. 
You - on the other hand - I think otherwise.


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

CW,
Although i cant envy the reasons why you are moving to a new home...i envy the new home part...
one of my LONG term goals is to eventually move from the farmhouse into a home of our choice, that we will be able to call our own!
i will not mention this to h, as now is NOT about that at all obviously but i must admit that it is in my mind!
if and when h ever brings this up to me, it will give me a bit of closure to the crazy parts of our marriage...
all of these years it was the one thing we both always worked so hard for...i dont know if that is aweful of me to think like that but it is a part of what is/was so real for us...idk!
you are doing so well! enjoy dinner next week and beat of luck with the house! talk soon!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Thank K and Lost: MY sweet friends!

House is still in limbo...really up to the buyer at this point. Next week, I'll know more.

I had a coffee date today. The guys seems very nice/mannerly/cute and said he'd like to see me again. Soooooo, I guess I will! Chalk THAT off my list


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Congrats CW, sounds like at least you will have a new friend - who knows maybe more. Bottom line is that your confused Ex-H now has a lot more to be confused about. He's made a big mistake...and now he will really know it.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW,

Sounds like you had a good time. Let it ride and see where it goes. You are an inspiration to many here. 

Peace.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Many ideas are floating in my head. So many, that it makes me tired. I suppose it stems from the opening of the dating door. 

I ask myself, if it's truly a good idea? Is it to early? I remind myself that I am dating for fun and not a relationship.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

My how things change, eh CW?

Think of dating as going through the bargain bin at a clothing store. Lots of stuff you sift through, some you may hold up, look at and throw them back on the heap - and after you've gone through all the bad floral prints, irregular items, and garments that have rips or smell funny, you just might find a mismarked cashmere sweater. 

I'm really overtired in the event that analogy makes no sense whatsoever.

Emphasis: do have fun, and don't be discouraged. 

I have been dating since November. I'm no longer dating. I'm goin' steady now. Even had us a sleepover! :woohoo:


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## pillow45 (Feb 22, 2010)

I too am divorcing my husband after 23 years. I am the one asking for it as I don't trust him and I haven't for a few years. Continue to let us know how it goes


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

Deejo - you crack me up


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Deejo: You gave me a chuckle! Somehow THAT made sense to me. Maybe great minds think alike! Good for you on the "going steady." We've come along way baby...


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Just enjoy CW, its not life and death at this point. Just keep that one date open.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

sounds kind of exciting - and it will just shake things up for you !!!!! ENJOY


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## lost1234 (Aug 24, 2009)

I also agree Corpus! you dont have to find anyone right away or enter into a relationship! have fun! enjoy having the company and going out!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I don't really have time for a relationship...you're correct LOST. 

Plus, the not looking for one is also there.

Pillow: I will continue to log in at TAM...it's a good way to vent/gain insight.

FA: You are right. I thank you for your help...as always.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Just look at it was an exciting undercover assignment...lol. Log everything down...that way you can write a book on the ups and downs the interesting twists and turns of entering the dating world again. 

Look I'm only 23 and was only married for a bout 3 years and I'm dating again too, and in only 3 years I can't even believe how much its changed!! (Some people are nuts!!!)


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I told the guy on Saturday, when he said he was nervous. "Just look at it as a job interview..either you get the job or you don't!"

Middle of the coffee date..he asked "do I get the job?" Haha


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

I'm so proud of you CW! I hope you are having fun. You deserve someone's attention. Just make sure you ask them hard questions... 

When is the next date?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

mls: Thank you. I just had one tonight w/guy #2! He was very nice..kinda quiet. On the way home...got a call from guy #3! He left a message....I will turn this one down (the player).

Aren't I popular now?


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## Help239 (Oct 20, 2009)

You go girl


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

You got yourself a man-ho posse!


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## hyndsight1 (Jan 28, 2010)

note to self: after a long day, look for Deejo post for a quick laugh...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Deejo: Hey...what else am I going to do with my time? I might as well make it constructive!! haha


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Now you have a posse -- you've got to have a rap to go with it. Raise the roof CW!!!!


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Go on wit your bad self Corpus!!! I am going to live vicariously through you at the moment!!


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

BTW...has your exh gotten wind of your popularity yet? Just curious.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

wooohoo CW! You go girl!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Ash: No ex is in Chicago on business. Not sure how he'd find out...as I'm secretive unless someone sees me out and tells!

Wren: I'm glad to see you here. Start another thread....I know you are busy and doing well.....I have this feeling.

FA: I will soon have my own video on You Tube! Watch out!


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Corpus-Just wanted to say I love reading your posts....Gives me hope that I will be able to move on and date again. Dumb to say I know but right now I just don't see that light at the end of the tunnel.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I find this all entertaining. What a difference a month or two or six makes!

I got the call from the player (again). I had to let him down and BOY was he persistent. I have to give it to him for assertiveness. He said he call me again in 6 weeks! ha

Got a text from the Tuesday date this week (the more reserved guy)...wants to go out on Saturday. I knew he liked me...I can read folks well. 

I am closing on my house on Monday. I have so much to do and I'm not sure how I am going to find time to date but I'm fitting it in... Friday and Saturday so far. It's all good....just fun. 

My man-ho posse is alive!!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Men want you. Women want to be you. Your life is like a Lady Gaga video ... maybe with less makeup and fewer sequins.


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## D8zed (Mar 12, 2009)

CW, Keep your 'nice guy' detector out and working! "Player" sounds more comfortable with himself than possibly "reserved guy".


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## whattodo17 (Jan 12, 2010)

Corpus-Congratulations on closing on your house! I love how you have a "Tuesday" guy...LOL.....Well, at least you can read guys well and not fall into the "player" trap.

Deejo-That comment made my day. Too funny!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Deejo: That's a compliment if I ever heard one....although I'm not sure about the Lady Gaga video!! haha

You have the best comments. 

Friday guy is sick tonight....called me this AM and heading home. He felt awful and was disappointed. Now...I can relax tonight!

Saturday night is my "reserved" guy. I'm going to have him meet my girlfriends for drinks. Hopefully, he'll open up a bit more.


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

You guys are all too funny. 
I love reading these posts. Kinda takes me out of my head for a little while.


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

deejo I have never seen CW as Lady Gaga but think you are onto something!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Lady GAGAGAGAGA! 

I went out with my reserved guy...tried to get him to loosen up! Not happening and that's ok. He will just be my occasional guy and I'm ok with that....

I did have fun tonight...it's strange to realize my power. Enough said.

I feel that I've gained so much strength during the last few months. I am blessed with coming into the light.....when I never thought I could see the light before....


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Corpuswife said:


> Lady GAGAGAGAGA!
> 
> I did have fun tonight...it's strange to realize my power. Enough said.
> 
> I feel that I've gained so much strength during the last few months. I am blessed with coming into the light.....when I never thought I could see the light before....












I rest my case ...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

OH MY GOSH!!! That's awesome power behind that one!

Ya wanna know about my weekend?????

Friday night-kinda slow as my Friday guy was ill the whole weekend but I went out with "player" and his sister. Nothing eventful.

Saturday night with my "reserved" guy was nice and.....reserved. Ended up at an establishment and met my girlfriends. He stayed awhile and left for home. We closed the place down but met guy #3!! Haha-at least he offerred. He was a blast with us girls. 

This week, I am focusing on my house closing and getting it ready for action. 

I sure am having fun!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Sounds like you had a lot of fun. Glad to hear it. Did you close then on the house?

Keep going strong.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

I'm telling all of you CW isn't Lady Gaga she's Eva longoria, and Deejo I pegged you for Colin Ferrell! 

Hey Eva L. Glad your having fun you got any plans for decorating the house? Is your D excited?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Ash: I'll take em both!

Last night, I received the keys to my new house. I went over there to check it out and was quite please with my purchase. 

I stopped at a sandwich shop and my friend, H called. He congratulated me and said "I will help you move." Just give me the time. THAT made me CRY! Out of the blue...I realized that I didn't have a guy to help me and I was moving alone for the first time in my life. Poor H...had to hear me again. He's such a great friend.

Last night was rougher than expected but today is is better. 

Ironic...I'm a lucky girl getting myself a house but sad regarding the reasons.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Ash22 said:


> I'm telling all of you CW isn't Lady Gaga she's Eva longoria, and Deejo I pegged you for Colin Ferrell!
> 
> Hey Eva L. Glad your having fun you got any plans for decorating the house? Is your D excited?


I'm more like Will Ferrell. 

Grats on the house CW. As you say, tragic circumstances. But just look at how far you have come.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I love Will Ferrell! Funny...

I'm still preparing my move...needless to say it's busy and I'm not the kind of person that enjoys being busy all of the time. I know things will settle by next month.

I met my ex at the cable company. He's moving back in the family home and we needed to transfer the bill into his name. I was dreading seeing him. Don't get me wrong..he's a nice guy (of course) and friendly. So am I, I just have a hard time seeing him. I can't explain it.

I meet him at the cable place, signed a paper, and we walked outside. He told me how my brother in law and he went to the hunting lease and had a good time. He stressed at how much my brother in law LOVED my house (my ex hasn't seen it). I said "yea...ok...see ya later." BAM! I am outta there. I drove home sad with a tear. I felt rude, which isn't my nature. 

My girlfriend says "he doesn't get it." He doesn't understand that all of these compliments and conversations aren't necessary. He doesn't understand that he's complimenting me (which he doesn't want) and a house (that I'm moving into because of my divorce). I guess he's not thinking deep. 

He does look bad. They guy that was an obsessed athlete the last year of our marriage is now 20-30 pounds overweight. I hope he's well. I really do. 

I'm slowing the dating thing down as it's to busy for now.


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

It is hard to be around them, isn't it? Especially when they act nice and friendly as if nothing is wrong. I'm glad my ex lives in a different state!

Maybe your ex will bake you a casserole for a housewarming gift. Haha. 

Been meaning to ask you where you are meeting all these single men????


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Yes it is mls...I fully expect a casserole and plant for my housewarming gift. 

I have been meeting them on match.com pretty much or friends. 

I'm trying to carve out one night a week to have my fun! I'm getting my house pulled together but it doesn't look that way. Nothing is done. Next week, I'll see more progress.


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## Notaclue (Jan 1, 2010)

Congrats on the house CW, it will keep you busy and not thinking of your ex which is a step in the right direction. 

I worked all day in the yard and didn't really think of my stb-X, so view whatever you do to fix up your new house as "therapy".


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

As days go by...I really don't think of him much anymore. Of course, this morning I did. I guess, I left the light on in my car and my battery died. All the neighbors were asleep or gone already...so our D called him and he was in the neighborhood and jumped me (the battery)!

My new floor is almost in the new place! It looks great. So, now all I need is furniture and I'm set!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Sometimes I am blown away by what we are capable of when we accept our capacity for resilience.

There will be 'moments' for a long time to come. Maybe always. But moving past them gets consistently easier.

I distinctly remember waking up one morning years ago, next to my wife. I brushed hair from her face and watched her sleep. I loved her with all of my heart. I neither wanted nor could imagine ever waking up next to anyone else. 

I recalled this memory when I woke up last Sunday next to my girlfriend. I brushed the hair from her face and watched her sleep. 

I don't think in absolutes any longer. That which does not kill us makes us stronger CW.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You are correct Deejo! There are no absolutes and only until the last year have I truly realized this...

Life lessons abound for me. I'm discovering new things and people. I never thought, at this point, in my life that I would be here. 

Maybe one day....I will, again, have someone watch me sleep.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

Congrats CW!  Your last words made me smile and I wish you soon someone will watch you sleeping staring with so much love and he'll be the one that truly deserves a great strong women such as yourself. 

Deejo, I love your words. Still hard to digest for me since my road to be 'completely free' is still long but you all has inspired me so much from crying all night long last week to now acceptance and realizing there is life after divorce after all.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

morningdew: Thanks for the nice thoughts.

I dropped off my D at ex's house last night. They are leaving for a ski trip. He came out to help her carry stuff. Complimented me on my glasses ("they look beautiful") and how tall I was...while checking me out. Invited me in twice. "No thanks" was my response.

Wow! Any normal girl would think she's being "hit" on. Not me, he's being my "friend." haha

Still moving my stuff, in the new place, bit by bit. One step at a time.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

My dating life continues...it's exhausting and I've narrowed my man-ho posse to (1)! 

It's extremely scary/exciting to find someone that is "really,really attracted" to me. I'm just having fun and going with it! 

I can't believe how different I am and my life is.....


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW, its too early for you to narrow to one. I think that is the knee jerk I've got to be in a relationship or I have no value thinking. Remember that thinking a while ago. Just enjoy life and keep looking around and smelling the flowers.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Thank you for the reminder FA. 

I just don't know how else to date...at one point there were (4) and it's to much to juggle. I'm not really, at heart, a player (haha). 

It's my intention to have fun and not look for the relationship. 

I just don't know what else to do? Does dating one person mean you are in a relationship? 

You know me pretty well FA....you know that I don't have "no value thinking."


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

I know you don't in most aspects, but some of us (me included) feel at times like the world demands us to be in a relationship or we are something less than whole. I realize now that isn't true or necessary -- that I'm searching for my river (if anyone has read Siddhartha they will get that).

So build up the man-ho posse. At least you can have people buying you coffee and meals. And that doesn't suck.

How is the house?


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## mls31 (Aug 22, 2009)

Way to go! It sounds like you are moving on with your life, CW. 

Try to keep your man posse under control.

I'm so glad you are out enjoying life and having fun. You deserve it!!


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

One man-ho is fine. As long as _you_ know where you stand, the numbers don't much matter.

I had to stop dating multiple women in acknowledgment of my ADD. I seriously couldn't keep straight who I shared what details with - and I knew it was only a matter of time before I started getting names wrong.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

FA: I have never felt pressure to be in a relationship because that's ALL that I know! Soooo, I ask myself the question..."is this my comfort zone?" 

I am not seeking the relationship, I am seeking a multitude of other perks. However, I am picking that men that I am compatible with and not merely dating for entertainment. 

By the way...thank you for bringing this up as a reminder!

Deejo: I can only imagine having ADD and dating mutiple people. I felt myself doing the same thing and it's just not my style or comfort zone. You post made me laugh regarding the "getting the names wrong."


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW, are you all moved into the new house? Hope things are going great for you. I've been battling a chest cold for the last week or so. 

Let us know.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

FA: Pretty much moved but we won't be sleeping there until Wed. or Thurs because our bedroom furniture won't arrive until Tues. 

I'm doing well...very well. Last week, was the peak of spring break and I had a blast! The best time in years!! 

I hope your chest cold is waning. How are things with you?


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Did the furniture arrive yesterday? Are you in your new house?

Tell us more, tell us more, did he have a car, huh, huh; huh, huh; huh, huh; ooooohhh. (now what movie is that from?)

Chest cold is pretty much gone now -- hate those.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Grease!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

You guys are good! I can barely remember what I did last week. Grease is a fantastic movie-Classic!!

Yes...I received the furniture (bedroom and office) but the living room is delayed for a few weeks. I haven't spent the night yet and will be waiting until Friday for the big crossover into my kingdom. 

Friday night my friends are having a bonfire at the beach....then I get to go "home."

Still dating one guy and having sooo much fun!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Glad to hear that things are moving forward for you CW. Bonfire at the beach -- maybe one day I'll live at the beach.

Keep having fun. You deserve it.


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## wren (Aug 19, 2009)

CW is the epitome of how to live life positively!


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Wren: I am so glad to hear from you! You doing ok????

My outlook:
When faced with the choice of dwelling on the things that I can't/couldn't control, I choose to make make own destiny. 

I think that we all KNOW that we don't get second chances..in life. I FEEL, in every part of my being, that I don't want to live a life of anger; resentment; untapped possibilities. This is my chance.

I will take it!


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

CW, you go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm happy for your outlook is so positive right now. One day I'll join you I'm sure.


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## morningdew (Jan 14, 2010)

Corpuswife said:


> My outlook:
> When faced with the choice of dwelling on the things that I can't/couldn't control, I choose to make make own destiny.
> 
> I think that we all KNOW that we don't get second chances..in life. I FEEL, in every part of my being, that I don't want to live a life of anger; resentment; untapped possibilities. This is my chance.
> ...


CW, I should print your words and put it where I can read them everyday! You're such a strong women and I too hope I can get to your place soon.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Posting here has become difficult. I love to share with all but sometimes, I feel that I can be too.....(peppy, happy, etc.). I understand the pain and sadness involved in a broken relationship.

However, I am clear that a few want to know there is a "light." 

I would have NEVER thought my life would be so beautiful and fulfilling. It's STILL not perfect. 

I didn't have a horrible marriage for 25 years. In fact, I had a good marriage with flaws. My ex and I still love each other. We will love each other forever. I pray that he finds his way.

I'd pray, many times a day/night, to save my marriage. Toward the end, I prayed for peace. I got peace. I fought the fight..."no regrets" was my motto. I don't have any.....still.

I had many questions and really no answers: Why? Who would want a middle aged woman? What is wrong with me that my ex would no longer be attracted to me? Can I do this alone? 

Gradually, I found my own answers and gained happiness along the way. I found my incredible strength. I found out that I needn't be fiercely independent...I could ask help from others and they'd jump to help me. I found out that I could cry and share with others, without appearing weak. I found out that my perspective on the world and my relationship with it had changed.

I was a changed woman. Still not perfect.

This crisis changed my life for the better. I know what I am capable. I know my strengths. I know that I can handle many difficult things with grace and dignity.

I was involved in work, friends and family after the divorce. I began dating a few people soon after my divorce. My "posse" was interesting, fun and exhausting. I found that I was too busy to have that many coals in the fire! I narrowed it down to someone special.

I am currently dating one. Most of you, that follow my thread, know that I've narrowed but didn't know the just of this relationship. Yes. It's the "r" word. That's ok. I'm not scared. I have been severly hurt before and can handle it. I use my head, in all things, even with matters of the heart. I know what I want. I know what I am capable of....

Am I going too quick? Maybe. I don't care. This is the new me. The "you only live once" me. 

So...am I happy because I have a new man? NO. I was happy before the new man. I told him this...."I was a happy girl before you met me, you just add to the flavor."


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## Believe (Aug 27, 2009)

Great Post CW. It is so nice to see someone familiar on here. You do give me hope. This has been one long road. Keep dropping by from time to time.


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## Feelingalone (Apr 22, 2009)

Yes CW it is a great post. And you deserve the things that you are now reaping. You can and are an inspiration to many on this board.

You know you have friends here. We cheer you on. Please visit from time-to-time. For you will be missed, but we understand that you are moving on with your life. 

Some of us are just lagging behind you. We will join you one day. Baby steps for us all.

Peace.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I'm not going anywhere but maybe the frequency will slow. 

I still enjoy venting, bantering, and helping here.

It's been a valuable tool to get me out of the darkness. I don't forgot those who helped me along the way.


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## Ash22 (Oct 21, 2009)

Aww I miss you CW, but I'm glad you have a good foothold now. Its really nice to hear things like this, def uplifting. Hope your kids are well, hope the house is well.


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Thanks Ash! We are doing pretty well. Still transitioning our lives and are "in process." 

I can't wait to hear about your life. I know you are busy with the babies. Just know that you are incredible, even when you don't feel like you are....


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

I was reading my old thread...it's been over a a year post divorce. Amazing how time flies and memories of pain fade. Wow! This is a mini diary. 

Still have moments of grieving and wondering how ones life can change so dramatically. 

I wonder where my "old" friends on TAM are and how their lives are turning out. They played a special role during my dark days. I pray that they are all well. Yes...I still keep up with Feelingalone but really most have dissappeared. 

Feeling melancholy today. No reason but isnt' that how grieving goes?


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## chaffy (Apr 11, 2011)

thanks for your post..i am new to this whole thing..joined yesterday, i too dont want a D and frankly i am not sure what the H wants, been separated for a little over 3 weeks, we have been talking but its usually about bills, health insurance and helping me move out this weekend (he already has his new place) i am having trouble dealing with all of this, he told me he hasnt been happy for a long time thought we needed to separate, needs to find himself, likes to think we might be able to work things out but cant promise anything, wont go to counsling with me, has been dealing with depression for a long time and i think might be having a midlife crisis. it takes every ounce of strength i have not to call him and tell him i miss and love him dearly. any words of wisdom would be helpful...heartbroken


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Corpuswife said:


> I was reading my old thread...it's been over a a year post divorce. Amazing how time flies and memories of pain fade. Wow! This is a mini diary.
> 
> Still have moments of grieving and wondering how ones life can change so dramatically.
> 
> ...


I for one, always appreciate you checking in. 

Life does indeed move on. Melancholy is ok ... for a little bit. It's a reminder that you used to have another life, other plans, and odds are, they weren't necessarily bad plans. 

Maybe this will make you feel better? I'm trying to decide on my life-path, career change, male exotic dancer or rodeo clown ... all I know is that I love to perform in front of a crowd ...


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

chaffy: I think most of us "old" TAM users would agree that there is nothing that you can do to change your hubbies mind. The BEST thing, for you, is to be the best person you can be. 

That means take care of yourself; smile as much as you can; introduce old hobbies that you once enjoys or new ones that you have always dreamed of.......find yourself.

In the mix of your marriage, perhaps he will become attracted to the new you. But, in the worse case scenario...you have honored yourself!

Deejo!!! Why not both? Afterall, isn't an exotic dancer mostly in the evening??? I hope you are well and have always appreciated your input and advice. Life is good and different......


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