# Question for the Men



## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

Long story short -- H and I separated late AUG....working things out, then not, then maybe, then not...they cycle ensued for months. 

Found out by emails (his emails, on the account he didn't log out of) that he's been cheating since June. First it was an EA...then became friends with bene's....then the ILY's started along with wanting to have kids with etc etc...

My question is.....why didn't he end it with me back when it began....why did he go through the emotions, and sex, when he was getting it elsewhere and enjoyed it. 

And will he ever have remorse....he went from denial to it was my fault (crappy wife) to believing I cheated too. 

I was at some points not the greatest wife - previous posts indicate I realized my faults.....and I've never cheated on him. 

I am struggling with the fact that he is in the wrong....so wrong I can't even find a starting point...but I feel like I am being punished. 

Any guys have any info on this?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why did he keep the two of you? Because that way he gets it all.. as wife who takes care of him. And a girl friend for extra fun. It's like getting two servings of desert.

Is he still seeing the OW?


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

It's called 'cake eating'. And it is not exclusive to either sex.

Keep you on the back burner and still somewhat involved while he gets to test-drive a new relationship. If it doesn't work out, he has the ability to heal his bruised ego or self-esteem by deciding to 'work' at the marriage.

Bottom line, do not waste a lot of energy trying to make sense of it ... or specifically, trying to make him see that he's wrong. He won't, and importantly, it doesn't matter. It truly doesn't. It will only drive you crazy if you let it.

It can be difficult to let go. Some times the actions of our former partners can make letting go that much easier.

Let go. Move on.

Believe me, I know how much harder that is than it sounds. But, no doubt, YOU will be much better for it.


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## JennaLynne (Sep 13, 2011)

Ele - yes...to my knowledge he is moving in with her at his new apt. Talks on marrying, being in love, having kids, etc in the emails that I found. 

Deejo - I know both sexes cheat and act in this manner. I guess I just don't get it. Call me naive or whatnot, but if I don't want to be with someone I am not. If I am in love with someone - that's who I want to be with. I don't get the stringing along aspect since this "girl" felt the same as he. 

I am trying to let go. Just feeling alone, and sad that he isn't hurting.....I didn't do anything here and I feel like a sack of [email protected] I know in time things will get better....just wishful thinking that he'd realize the damage I suppose..


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

JennaLynne said:


> Ele - yes...to my knowledge he is moving in with her at his new apt. Talks on marrying, being in love, having kids, etc in the emails that I found.
> 
> Deejo - I know both sexes cheat and act in this manner. I guess I just don't get it. Call me naive or whatnot, but if I don't want to be with someone I am not. If I am in love with someone - that's who I want to be with. I don't get the stringing along aspect since this "girl" felt the same as he.
> 
> I am trying to let go. Just feeling alone, and sad that he isn't hurting.....I didn't do anything here and I feel like a sack of [email protected] I know in time things will get better....just wishful thinking that he'd realize the damage I suppose..


He may very well never apologize or acknowledge what he's done. You'll likely have to come to terms with it on your own. Totally unfair - but just kind of the way it goes.


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## joshbjoshb (Jul 11, 2011)

Don't expect any remorse at his side. You are hurt, obviously he doesn't seem to care.

But don't punish yourself by going crazy over it. Punish him by moving on and having a much better marriage than his - believe me, such people do not tend to have any better second marriage as by essence they are cheaters.


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