# Would you ever remarry?



## justforfun1222 (Feb 6, 2013)

Just a question I was thinking about today. If your marriage does not make it back together and you divorce, would you ever remarry? :scratchhead: I don't think I would! I would like to date, but keep my independence by having my own home.. I don't think I would ever want to live with someone again. I really was in all that crazy about getting married the first time, just never really was my thing, guess I should have listened to my instincts and I might be in better shape today


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

I would not ever get married again. However, I would seek relationships. My wife is a good person and we have shared some good times together so it is not that I am good and she is bad.

In my experience after many years the marriage partners take each other for granted. You’re also the person that is associated with all the problems that occur in marriage and the other people, other than your spouse, seem like they are fun and do not present problems to you. I know that is because they do not have to struggle in life with you; however it is an easy trap to get into if you do not pay attention. *Have you noticed that sometimes your spouse gives more attention, respect, and courtesy to others than yourself?*

I am grateful for my wife but if we divorced I would never get married again because I think that I could achieve a better relationship when we both know that we cannot take each other for granted. I do not want the state or anyone else involved in my personal relationships. If I treat you bad then dump me! 

I also feel that a person should strive to be as self-reliant and self contained as possible. That way you are better equiped to help your partner or step away from bad relationship whichever way the relationship goes.


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

My attitude right now is I'd rather be known as the crazy cat lady than get married again. There is no way I would put myself in the position to be made homeless the way my POShusband has done to me. I will never again put myself in a position to have my belongings held hostage. I will never again allow any man to have that much control over my life. If I ever recover from this enough to even date again, it will be a miracle.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Nope. I'd just cash in, move to Costa Rica and open a home for wayward jungle girls.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Relationships yes, marriage hell to the muthaf*ckin no!


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## The Cro-Magnon (Sep 30, 2012)

Never again would I marry. No fcuking way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

LoL!! Everyone says "No" but second, and even third marriages have become the norm nowadays! 

I can't say that I will... But I can't say that I won't, either. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

When H & I were separated many years ago & it looked as though divorce was inevitable, I thought about whether I would get married again.

It would have had to have been a sexless marriage because I just couldn't imagine being intimate with anyone else. For me, the most compelling reason to go into a new relationship would have been for companionship. Thankfully I didn't have to go down that road.

If H died would I get remarried? I am not sure, it would have to be some pretty darn special guy to get me to consider it. However, I had a friend who said she would never get remarried if her husband died. He developed a brain tumour and died within months. She then remarried almost a year to the day that he died, so never say never.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Most people say no while they are going through problems and divorces. Most remarry with something like 4 years.

That said, I will never marry again.


I used to be a hopeless optimist. So I remarried twice. 

I'm not an optimist anymore when it comes to me and marriages. I'm so done with that.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

My mother was married to my dad for 18 years. A very difficult and at times emotionally abusive. 
She has now been married to my step dad for 26 years. She has had a great life with him.
So don't ever rule it out completely.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I wasn't planning on remarrying when I first divorce. I would most likely not marry anyone other then my current husband. He's truly a wonderful man like no other. He's truly one in a million.

If something would ever happen, I'd not remarry again. Especially the way things are now, I'd rather be alone.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

It's more about asset protection, sorry to be so clinical about it. Been burned once!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Yes I would 



> Dollystanford
> 
> It's more about asset protection, sorry to be so clinical about it. Been burned once!


Would you get a pre nup? In Aussie we call them a Binding Financial Agreement and they are fairly tight. I would get one even if I started co habitating with SO.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

I would say no at this point. A 40 year old woman with a toddler and preschooler probably isn't prime real estate either. I find I struggle with alone time in my marriage. I find my H so commanding of my attention it is draining. I love time with kids and I like hobby time. I have a hard time with part 2. I was alone for 7 years before H and it was fine. I do find enjoyment in the activities we do together, but I feel (and it makes me sad) that he really holds me back sometimes.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## minimix (Mar 12, 2013)

NEVER.......

a few months ago when going through this tough time i mentioned this to my H, he turned round and said he was really flattered that we have such a great life together that i could never see myself with another man.....!!!!
i realised then that we are on totally different planets if not in a totally different universe


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Holland said:


> Yes I would
> 
> 
> 
> Would you get a pre nup? In Aussie we call them a Binding Financial Agreement and they are fairly tight. I would get one even if I started co habitating with SO.


I don't think they are legal over here although I'm sure it won't be too long 

Perhaps I'll feel differently in a few years I don't know. The thought of getting too attached to anyone again at the moment fills me with horror


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

Well it seems almost unanimous; no one wants to get married again!

I wonder if only the people that have not been real happy in marriage are posting?

I have been happy in my marriage but have never been single since age 20.
*How many of you have been married then single for over 5 years?*
*How do you compare marriage to single?*

In my mind I am fairly sure that I would never marry but I have never been single so I cannot be sure.
I am very fond of women but just wnt to make sure that the richness stays in place.

Also, I am with the pre-nup big time! Whatever my spouse adds to the financial category is 100% hers, What ever I add is mine. If you want me it has to be for me not any damn material or financial things that I have.. The same goes for me.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Hmmm... I've been separated for over 2 years now, and seeing someone for a good chunk of that. For myself, I'm not in any hurry to get married again, and if I never did, I think I'd be ok with it. It seems to be more important when there's kids involved, and since I've been fixed and we're past the age of wanting kids, I see no real point to it.

But at the same time, if it was important to my partner for some reason, I'm not against it. I don't have a problem with marriage, just not marriage with my STBXW. And I would expect that I would be just as committed to my relationship if we got to the point of co-habitating as if I was married. You're either all in or out at that point. I would feel the same obligations with regards to behaviour whether I was married or not.

Just my $0.02. And around here, common-law relationships have a significant amount of weight as well, so a "pre-nup" is likely a good idea on move-in-together time, whether married or not. At least that will help ensure everyone is on the same page, even if the book is not complete.

C


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I say I would not remarry simply because I can't see myself with anyone else than my husband. I certainly can't imagine sex with anyone else, I have yet to meet another man that makes me want to jump his bones.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Given the implied scenario put forth in the OP... that is would I remarry if my marriage fell apart due to divorce. It is hard to say, I guess I am naive in the sense that I have not had to deal with that situation, but old enough to realize that absolutes are never absolute (at least in my experience). 

However, if I found myself single for a reason like death (knocking hard on wood, rapping hard, very hard), I think I would be open to marriage. However, I would be very very very particular. Would not be interested in any one more than 10 years my junior, 5 years a better fit. I also would prefer someone who has as much assets as I have built up. I however, would have even a greater scrutiny - she would have to understand that my oldest son who is autistic is someone who needs a mom not someone who would bail because she only thinks over herself as step-mom. Full participant dealing with this precious life and understanding that he will likely not be able to live on his own. She would have to have a similar lifestyle: all around healthy living lifestyle. Honestly, I am not the best looking guy and I am over 50, so she does not have to be a beauty queen... stability and sanity reign over any of those physical attributes. Given this, sadly I probably would be single for the rest of my life under these circumstances.... knocking on wood again.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Mr Blunt said:


> Well it seems almost unanimous; no one wants to get married again!
> 
> I wonder if only the people that have not been real happy in marriage are posting?
> 
> ...


I was happy being married and actually like married life. Sadly ex and I were not compatible sexually and this almost destroyed me. 
I was single for 2 years post divorce, I like being single as well and had a few bouts of single life pre marriage. I also enjoy short term flings so have all bases covered lol

In time when his kids and mine are older I could see myself marrying SO, I would be happy to lead a married life again, this time with a more compatible man. 

As for the pre nup that is an absolute must for me as I have a large asset base and the most important thing is to protect my children's future. SO and I are on the same page with this one. If we were to co habitate or marry everything would be on an equal 50/50 basis financially.


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## hank_rea (Mar 13, 2013)

Not until I change A LOT of things about myself. I'm just too selfish to be married right now, which is why my wife is divorcing me.


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

I did after about 5 years and its the best marriage I ve ever had
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## moo (Nov 22, 2010)

Hell to the NO


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Quote:
> How do you compare marriage to single?





> Coffee4me
> I think I like being single. But it feels like I'm practicing being single (training wheels). I was with my x since I was a teen so my entire adult life I was with him. Never dated really so being single for me is like landing on mars.
> 
> I think one of the biggest adjustments has been just the independence. I don't mean finacially, I've always made my own way. But just the not "checking in" with someone, or making decisions that include anothers thoughts, consultation or compromise.



I have been with my wife since teens also. Even though she was my one and only girlfriend I do not feel that I missed a whole lot. I do not feel that if I would have married another woman that she would fulfilled me more. I feel that it is up to me to fulfill my life as much as possible.


*I think that becoming as self reliant as possible is a very wise goal.* That way you can be more giving and not so needy. I sometimes dream of being single; not because my wife is a bad woman but mostly because after more than 30 years of marriage you take your spouse for granted and the admiration and affection goes down. Maybe that is just the way it is when you get older.

I think I would like to try and be single but I really do not know that it would be better than married. Coffee, you said you think you like being in single but that was not real convincing. Also, *you probably were married 10 times longer than you have been single so I wonder how you will feel 5 -10 years from now?*


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> Holland
> was happy being married and actually like married life. Sadly ex and I were not compatible sexually and this almost destroyed me.
> I was single for 2 years post divorce, I like being single as well and had a few bouts of single life pre marriage. I also enjoy short term flings so have all bases covered lol
> 
> ...




*I actually think that co-habitation with a pre-nup is the best*. I really like the idea of the state staying out of personal relationships. In addition, I think that the pre-nup cohabitation set up helps reduce the idea that one partner can get some of the other’s assets if they get mad. *I also think that it helps promote that partners base their relationship more on caring, respecting, and consideration*. Taking away the temptation to gain materially will help the partners to focus and work on the caring, respect, and consideration. If it is not compatible then they are both free to try another way without all the lawyers and state interferences. *If you realize that most of the quality of your life is your responsibility and you do not depend on someone else to fulfill most of those qualities, then you will become a better person.*

Laws are very important for many things but laws do not make love nor keep love; in fact they hurt love sometimes. 


I think that marriage laws by the state were very impotent back years ago when the women had a lot less opportunities. Today with women rights, freedoms, and more opportunities those state laws are a lot less necessary and even could be counterproductive to relationships.


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## Mr Blunt (Jul 18, 2012)

> By Coffee4me
> I actually more wonder how on earth you get that unit type mentality if you havent know a man for several decades and grow up through adulthood together. I know another relationship would never "feel" the same as my relationship with my xhusband. It simply wouldn't have the history that bonded us


I have been convinced of that for years. My wife was my one and only girlfriend. She is the only one that I have children with, all the bad times and good times we went through them together, and I have never known any other woman like I know my wife. I doubt that I could bond with any woman like I have with my wife.

I think that me dreaming about being single is mostly because the richness of our youth is being affected by age, health, and taking each other for granted. I am pretty sure that if I was single I could have a lot of fun with other women but the deep bonding would be almost impossible.

My mother told me years ago;* “when you get older you have to learn to be content with less”. * 

What a wise woman my mother is!


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Well IME it is possible to find that bond with another. I was with the ex for around 20 years but our bond was not so strong in the last 5 years. Our bond will always remain though due to being parents together and our friendship remains.

But if I compare the difference in compatibility between me/ex and me/SO there is no comparison. SO is a far better match for me that ex was and I believe will will build a very strong bond as time goes on. I have a craving to be with him like I have never felt before, except for logistics and our busy lives we are inseparable. 

For me getting older does not mean learning to be content with less, it means knowing who I am and being able to recognise what truly makes me happy and enjoying every moment of it.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

coffee4me said:


> Holland, this is good to hear. I have really been wondering what it would be like with someone new. I do know it can never be the same type of bond I have with me xhusband.
> 
> However, I have been thinking lately that I may find a better match and companion for this stage of my life. My x and I, were an opposites attrack couple. I think from what you wrote I can see where it can be a very strong bond, better in some ways more things in common etc.


For me the key has been to really spend the time and do the hard work to find out where I went wrong in the marriage. Why did I put up with what I did, why did I stay so long, how did I contribute to the problems? Then looked at what it is that I really need and want in a relationship.

I had a few short term flings before meeting SO and while they were fun I knew they were not going to be long term, I had become more aware of my needs. I lifted my expectations of myself and a potential partner.

I learnt that even though I accused the ex of being a poor communicator it was in fact me that had a communication problem.

Still learning daily but most importantly SO is my safe place as I am his, we are both learning about ourselves and as as a couple. Ex and I never grew together in this way so the bond we had at the start could never have held us together. 

In this relationship with SO our bond is growing continuously. Yes it is possible Coffee, I truly hope you find the person that gives you peace and is your safe place.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

I would date. I would not make this kind if commitment again, though. I am now terrified of commitment and lack if freedom in a way I never was before.


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