# Guys....help me here...am I being oversensitive?



## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

It was my wifes 50th birthday in March. She always wanted to go to New York...but as we live in 'darkest' Africa it was going to be quite expensive.

As a present, my parents gave her the flights - 2 x 8 hour intercontinental flights. I paid for the hotel and everything else....she went for six days, and loved it.

Last Friday was my 50th. My parents gave me an IOU for a watch (very little choice here).

My wifes parents didn't even send me a card, an email, a phone call...nothing, nada, zilch. OK, they live in Europe...but still have email, phones, postal service etc.

Am I being childish in being pi$$ed off that my parents in law have completely ignored (or forgotten) their son in law of 20 years 50th birthday (her parents are 71 and 80 but still very much on the ball)....especially when my own parents remembered their daughter in laws 50th and gave her a present worth $1800.

I mentioned it in passing to my wife...."Oh...they are probably very busy at the moment".....Oh, right.

I know my place then.

Sorry guys....just feeling pi$$ed off, let down, annoyed etc etc


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What do you send them on their birthdays?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

My wife sends a card from both of us, calls them on the day and orders something on Amazon (we are in Africa they are in Europe).

When its my parents I send a card from both of us and buy something etc.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Maybe your in-laws see all of that as coming from your wife and not you? Just at thought.


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## chaos (Mar 9, 2012)

Don't wait for others to treat you, why not treat yourself? You've certainly earned it.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Chaos....you're right. Sod them.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You didn't mention your wife...did she do something special for you?


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Have they EVER remembered your birthday?

My parents only remember my wife's birthday because it's the same as mine. But they never remember how old we are and any card we get is just addressed to me.

So... let it pass.


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

The oddity here is your parents giving your wife $1800 plane tickets I should think. I don't think many people's in-laws get them birthday gifts, if they even acknowledge the birthday, much less in-laws on another continent.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's weird that your parents gave such a gift. What's worse is you turning it into a covert contract with your in-laws. Based on the lack of love from your wife I read about on your other threads, I can only imagine you're trying to get some piece of that from them instead. It won't work, sorry.


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## 1971 (Mar 7, 2013)

I'm not a guy but I would be very disappointed.

It's happened to me before too.

Reading your first post, Did your wife go to NY without you ?

.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You really care about your birthday at 50?


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

I would not get worked up over it. Your wife's trip was likely a well known longtime wish. She got a big treat, and got her trip.

Men? Shoot, everyone knows men don't keep track of that stuff.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Norajane - my wife held a surprise party for me and invited about 24friends. I had a suspicion she was up to something but she made a real effort and I appreciated it. Really.

No I didn't go to NY with her for a number of reasons..1) work 2) cost 3) she WANTED to go on her own. 
She thoroughly enjoyed it and I am genuinley glad she did. One less thing on her bucket list. Good for her.

Of course it doesn't bother me per se that they didnt send me a card, but in life there are 'milestone' birthdays; 18, 21, 40, 50, 75 etc. 
I just think that they could have made the effort on this occasion especially as they both make such a song and dance about their own birthdays.

My wife forgot her mothers birthday a couple of years ago - well not forget but left sending a card (from both of us) a bit late - she DHL'd it at vast expense. When I queried it her response was 'you know what my mother is like'. A $2 card cost $34 to send.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Whether anyone marks the day or not you're still getting one year older. Your in-laws may have their own drama. I don't imagine being 80 is always tea with the queen. I suppose you can feel disappointed or bitter but it won't add anything to your life, so what would be the point? At 71 and 80, they are a little long in the tooth to be getting instruction on birthday manners. They raised a decent woman you could tolerate for 20 years and that aint a bad deal. They are who they are and their good points probably are sufficient to outweigh a little birthday neglect. Besides, they might have understandable reasons you aren't aware of. You've just become one year closer to a dirt nap. Do you really want to spend whatever time you have remaining fretting over a birthday card that didn't arrive? It's only a milestone day if you think it is. In reality, it's one 24 hour period out of your life.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Where do you think your wife learned her laziness from? And what does that say about your kids? Thinking your kids will see it and strive to be different is delusional.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

For me, I would not care. You got the party hosted by your W with 24 friends. 

Email some pictures of the party to you in-laws. I would suspect you W had told her folks that a party is to thrown?


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

askari said:


> Norajane - my wife held a surprise party for me and invited about 24friends. I had a suspicion she was up to something but she made a real effort and I appreciated it. Really.


Stop there....so the two important people...you and your wife...took care of each other on their 50th...Focus on the important points....and that is your wife made significant effort like you did. PS your wife probably had to do more for yours than you did for hers (booking a hotel versus planning a surprise party)




> I just think that they could have made the effort on this occasion especially as they both make such a song and dance about their own birthdays.


The mistake you're making here is because your parents did one thing has ZERO connection to what your in-laws do. Should they have sent you a card...Definitely...but let's put this in perspective.

You're not mad that they forgot a card....you're holding them responsible for not "living up to the contract"...the contract that you concocted in your mind that says....my parents spent XYZ on my wife so her parents should do something similar.

The issue is this is all in your head and noone else was part of this contract. 

I'd be disappointed they didn't send me a card, but I wouldn't be "pi$$ed" as you say.


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## Green Eyes (Nov 20, 2014)

I'm a woman. Take what your parents did for your wife's birthday out of the equation. It was very sweet of them but in no way obliges her parents to gift you in kind.

Do her parents normally acknowledge your birthday? If they do I'd give them the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps they forgot. Maybe they mailed a card and it got lost in the mail.

If they don't normally acknowledge your birthday, why would you expect anything different this year?

Do you generally have a good relationship with your wife's parents?


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

richie33 said:


> You really care about your birthday at 50?


Ha, so much this. I stopped caring about my birthday by like 21, and never liked gifts anyway.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I'm with you OP certain things are milestones in life and should be recognized. 50 th birthday would be one of those. Not even a card or a phone call to the guy who married thier daughter and went all out for her bday? As you say OP you now know where you stand.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

> Am I being childish in being pi$$ed off that my parents in law have completely ignored (or forgotten) their son in law of 20 years 50th birthday (her parents are 71 and 80 but still very much on the ball)....especially when my own parents remembered their daughter in laws 50th and gave her a present worth $1800.


Do her parents know that your parents bought her the plane tickets? Maybe they don't. Maybe they assumed you had paid for it.

Also, your parents didn't do this on their own. You helped them plan for their gift. Are you upset that your wife didn't help her parents plan a big gift for you. Did they even know it was your 50th? 

What is your wife's perspective on this?


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