# What constitutes an Emotional Affair



## bbrad (May 30, 2012)

I see numerous posts about EA's.

I have figured that most start very innocently, a FB happy bday, or whatever. 

So at what point does a conversation with a friend of the opposite sex, go over the line? Is it when conversations become clandestine? Is it the topic material? Is it when you are bad mouthing your SO?

What are your thoughts?


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

When you say things you would never say if your SO is in earshot, that you know your SO would think is a betrayal of trust.


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

When dishonesty, such as lies of omission, begin creeping into the picture, is a pretty good sign you are over the line.


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## bbrad (May 30, 2012)

Maybe an EA can only be had with a person where things can also possibly get physical too.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Disagree...I started slipping down that all familiar trail here on TAM once. Didn't even know if I was talking to a man or a woman


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## Saki (Dec 7, 2011)

bbrad said:


> Maybe an EA can only be had with a person where things can also possibly get physical too.


Disagree as well. Marriage isn't just about physical acts. It's about investing time and energy in a relationship.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

if you wouldn't want your spouse to read the emails,texts,chats you've had with this person then you're in an EA.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

You are right...it often DOES start as friendship. It isn't always secret/hidden/clandestine. Honestly, my husband's wasn't hidden. He thought I wouldn't care about the content of his texts because we were disconnecting as it was. He said I could read anything in his phone, anytime I wanted. But then, when I DID read something, it was a "cut off" portion of a conversation... I suspected then, but knew when I took his phone and he tried to argue with me about reading what was on it at a particular moment. All I said was "that tells me all I need to know...you're trying to hide something from me"... and he handed over the phone right then and there. I read the texts, I was right.

The thing is, some say "well, it's really nothing if there is no chance of it going physical"... well, I'm here to tell you, that's utter bullsh!t. There was no chance of mine nor my husband's EAs going physical...but they were just as devastating. They took energy which should have been spent building up our relationship, instead of tearing it apart. And the effects of that betrayal are long lasting.


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## Snookums (Nov 6, 2012)

I think an emotional affair is when someone other then your SO can give you emotional support. When you turn to the other person for talks more then you would go to your SO.

Emotional affair can and will turn into a physical affair if it goes on long enough.

And emotional affair does most often start off being very innocent and starting off as a friendship & extra ear to just vent & talk to.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Snookums said:


> I think an emotional affair is when someone other then your SO can give you emotional support. When you turn to the other person for talks more then you would go to your SO.
> 
> *Emotional affair can and will turn into a physical affair if it goes on long enough.*
> 
> And emotional affair does most often start off being very innocent and starting off as a friendship & extra ear to just vent & talk to.


Define long enough. Not all can/will become physical. The main reason being that there is no possible way for it to happen. If they live in different countries or on the other side of the country and they never travel, then the EA will not turn to PA. I can speak from experience on that one. However, I will concede that the MAJORITY will turn PA given time and proximity...or the means to actually meet in person.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

When your talks with this other person is more important to you than your SO. When you would choose to talk to this other person rather than your SO. When you tell this other person things you know would horrify your SO if they knew you were telling them.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

good place to start

Dr. Shirley Glass - Quizzes


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

To me, ultimately, when you begin to push your spouse out of your life or heart, is when you know you are having an EA. It starts with the innocent FB hello, then the conversations, then hidden conversations with inappropriate dialogue. When you spouse is now "in the way", you are in a full blown EA.


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## Kurosity (Dec 22, 2011)

It is when you become emotionally invested in a person other than your spouse to the point that this person is closer to you than your spouse. Getting excited to see, talk to, and even the first person you think about talking out your problems with.

Basically an EA is when this other person becomes more a spouse to you than your spouse in the emotional, communication, and desire to be with them, sense.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Kurosity said:


> It is when you become emotionally invested in a person other than your spouse to the point that this person is closer to you than your spouse. Getting excited to see, talk to, and even the first person you think about talking out your problems with.
> 
> *Basically an EA is when this other person becomes more a spouse to you than your spouse in the emotional, communication, and desire to be with them, sense.*



I think it starts much much earlier.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> I think it starts much much earlier.


I would agree. But, this is when you KNOW you have gone too far. Judging emotions, even internally, I think is very difficult and most people justify their actions as being benign. I believe most prob think the OM/OW is just a really good friend....but then they start sliding down the slippery path.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

The definition I heard that makes sense to me is: if you find yourself looking forward to telling this other person about things going on in your life (i.e. new job promotion, pregnancy, death in the family etc) more than telling your spouse...you're having an emotional affair.


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