# Different kind of addiction, please help!!!



## boogaloo2

Hi, im a 57 year old happily married mum of 4 grown children, and 11 grandchildren..and i love them all with all my heart..About 6 years ago i started chatting with young men on chat sites, using a picture of a very pretty, much younger female..i did this for maybe 2 years, even talking on the phone to them..my children found out and i felt sick to my stomach at what i had done and havent thought about it since,..my life has been great since i stopped, and then for no known reason, i downloaded pictures of a young girl about a month ago, im supposing that i would have started all over again, but on using my laptop, my daughter found the pictures which i hadnt actually done anything with..but the thought had been there..i deleted them and havent thought about it since..but i know i need help..why do i do this?? and how can i stop??


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## dormant

You must be lacking some attention that your husband isn't giving you.


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## boogaloo2

but that isnt the problem, he is attentive, and caring and we have a great relationship


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## PBear

Look for a counsellor. Personally, I doubt you have an "addiction"; that's just a convenient way for you to not take blame for your actions. But I think that about most porn or sex "addicts", so don't take it personally. 

Does your husband know? If not, why not. If you're serious about stopping, him knowing and you knowing he will be looking at your Internet history and activities might slow you down. 

C


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## boogaloo2

PBear said:


> Look for a counsellor. Personally, I doubt you have an "addiction"; that's just a convenient way for you to not take blame for your actions. But I think that about most porn or sex "addicts", so don't take it personally.
> 
> Does your husband know? If not, why not. If you're serious about stopping, him knowing and you knowing he will be looking at your Internet history and activities might slow you down.
> 
> C


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## richie33

Catfish
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## boogaloo2

He doesn't know, I could never tell him, it would hurt him too much..like I aid I haven't actually chatted in over 4 years, but almost did..my daughter knows and we have talked about it, she calls it a problem, which I have to admit, it is..I just need to figure out why I have these feelings
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear

boogaloo2 said:


> He doesn't know, I could never tell him, it would hurt him too much..like I aid I haven't actually chatted in over 4 years, but almost did..my daughter knows and we have talked about it, she calls it a problem, which I have to admit, it is..I just need to figure out why I have these feelings
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No offense intended... But you're like every cheater out there with your "it would hurt him too much to tell him" statement. Myself included. The reason why you don't want to tell him is because you're selfishly protecting yourself. You don't want to look like a bad wife, a slvt, a person without integrity. You don't want to feel the pain that you will feel when you see how much you've hurt him. You're not telling him for your own reasons, not to "protect him". If you were interested in protecting him, you wouldn't have done it in the first place.

And keep in mind that if you would have told him after the first time, there might not have been an "almost" this time. You would have had to deal with your problems/issues 4 years ago. But by avoiding things, you've cycled back. If you avoid again, you'll be cycling back again. And who knows what will happen if your daughter doesn't catch you. Again...

If your daughter was on here, I suspect she'd be getting told to tell you to tell your husband, or she'll do it for you.

What did you do last time? Just promise yourself that you wouldn't do it again? How'd that work for you? You either need to seek out a counselor and get some help to dig out your issues, or tell your husband, or both. You claim to be "happily married"... If that's true, then something from your past is still haunting you, and you need to root that out. Either way, you've proven that you can't handle it on your own.

C


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## boogaloo2

I cant and i wont tell him.. i have promised my daughter that i will never do this again.. i can hear you laughing at the word "promised".. im not sure how else to put it.. i know i wont do anything else, like i said, even after downloading pictures a month ago, as soon as she found them and i deleted them, it as no longer an issue for me, i dont even think i would have done anything with them, i just dont know why i felt the need to do it in the first place, as like i said, i have everything i need in my life.. i am alone all day apart from babysitting my young grandson, but i cant see that as a reason..but i can assure you that i am no cheat, never have been, never will be!


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## PBear

Denial... It's not just a river in Africa!

If you didn't cheat, why are you afraid to tell him? Cheating doesn't have to mean full-on sex. Read the Infidelity forum and see how your actions would be interpreted.

How is this time different than the last time, except you got caught before you started talking to the men online? Didn't you "promise" you wouldn't do it again last time? If this is such a non-issue, why did you post looking for help? We can't help you keep your "promise"...

C


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Take up writing. Let that other personality, your younger and perhaps unexpressed self, have its own life as it wants, in fiction. But not in a fiction that makes victims. 

A story takes at least two people, a narrator and a listener who wants to believe the story, even if its a fantasy. The listener should be a willing and informed listener.

This is what makes the difference between a lie and a great work of fiction.

If you have a story in you, by all means give it an outlet. 
But do it responsibly.

There are even some sites that will let you role play. You can get a character who is like what you want.


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## anchorwatch

YOU ARE ADDICTED!!! 

Your addicted to the brain chemicals, that the thrill of contact with these men give you.

Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine.
Norepinephrine - Otherwise known as adrenalin. Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing.
Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane.
PEA and others. 

Here's a read for you to understand. 

Anatomy of an Affair - The Chemistry of Love - Marriage AdvocatesMarriage Advocates


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## boogaloo2

i agree that its an addiction.. but i have to stress that it was never a sexual thing..it was just chatting..i remember telling my youngest daughter that i felt i was getting old, and just talking to the younger men, and have them think that i was a pretty young woman, made me feel younger..all i was doing was putting my own real happiness at risk,and upsetting myself and my children, who i omitted to mention, all found out in the end, i really dont want to do this anymore, and i dont intend to, i just felt it would be good to have people i could talk to about it, outside of my family


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## anchorwatch

boogaloo2 said:


> i agree that its an addiction.. but i have to stress that it was never a sexual thing..*it was just chatting*..i remember telling my youngest daughter that i felt i was getting old, and just talking to the younger men, and have them think that i was a pretty young woman, *made me feel younger..*


boogaloo, 

The chatting made you feel good, because it released those chemicals in your brain. It didn't have to be sexual. The same chemicals are released with loved ones, friends, babies, ect. to a different extent.


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## PBear

If it was just harmless chatting, why would you be worried about it hurting your husband? Why do you feel so guilty about it that you would search on the Internet and ask for help?

Time to start being honest with yourself. If nobody else. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## boogaloo2

yes,it did make me feel good, but it would have devastated my husband.. my children didnt talk to me for a while, it was hell for me, and all of my own making.. i have to wonder if anyone else has had this problem, or addiction!!


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## boogaloo2

PBear said:


> If it was just harmless chatting, why would you be worried about it hurting your husband? Why do you feel so guilty about it that you would search on the Internet and ask for help?
> 
> Time to start being honest with yourself. If nobody else.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


im being honest with myself..and with all of you..i just feel the need to share even though i cant see myself ever falling back..i hurt them all before, i cant lose them..if i told my husband now, thats what would happen


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## anchorwatch

You're very lucky it was exposed to your adult children, that will help keep you in check. 

It does happen to everyone who falls into an affair. Try posting in the infidelity area. You will get answers there from those who have experienced it.


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## PBear

boogaloo2 said:


> im being honest with myself..and with all of you..i just feel the need to share even though i cant see myself ever falling back..i hurt them all before, i cant lose them..if i told my husband now, thats what would happen


Why would you lose anything if it was just harmless chatting? Is your husband an abusive unreasonable ogre?

C


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## boogaloo2

thank you x


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## boogaloo2

ok, so it was just chatting, maybe some of it became a bit sexual if im honest, but i was pretending to be someone else...you think i could tell him that?? Thats just not happening


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## PBear

boogaloo2 said:


> ok, so it was just chatting, maybe some of it became a bit sexual if im honest, but i was pretending to be someone else...you think i could tell him that?? Thats just not happening


And now you're starting to be honest... Or honester...  That's a start. 

BTW, I'm leaving your other thread in the CWI forum alone... I want you to see other people's advice untainted by my own opinion. But you should post the above information to there, as well. People can only give advice based on complete information.

C


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