# Bruised Ego...how to get over it?



## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

My WH and I have been separated now almost 4 months (no kids, together 7 years, married 4 years). He left me for the OW and has since said that he is very unhappy with his life. Apparently the fog is lifting. 

I believe that he is going through a major MLC. He has very rarely had to stand on his own two feet and is used to other people fixing his problems. From what I can tell, he has taken no steps to improve his situation (IC, leaving OW, "manning up") and expressed no desire for R...not that I really expect it anymore. 

I, on the other hand, have been going to IC, practicing the 180, and trying to enjoy life day by day. Even still, I think that my biggest problem/set-back with this separation is getting over my bruised ego, especially the fact that he chose the OW over me. 

Yes, I know that he was essentially choosing the fantasy over reality. But it still hurts. How do you get over that?


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Well, you can't rush it, and you can't push it. Think about it like surgery -- if you had major surgery, even if it was to improve your health, it would still hurt for a while, and it would take you as long to recover as it takes you. I think you need to be patient and loving with yourself. You've suffered quite a blow, and you've dealt with it in a mature and constructive fashion. It's okay to still hurt. One day you'll wake up and it will hurt less, and then in a few months it will hurt less, and at some point, it will all just be a vague memory.

But you have to let yourself get there. Best of luck to you.


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## Lifescript (Mar 12, 2012)

lamaga, 

I like your analysis (surgery comparison). 

I wonder if thinking about the person that betrayed you, like is this person really worth it? A good person. If we determine that they are not who we thought they were then would it hurt less. I think when you are betrayed by someone who is impecable in every sense, the perfect partner, it hurts much more.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Thanks for your response, lamaga. 

One thing that I have learned from this entire experience is that I am very impatient. It's been a tough but necessary revelation. You have just reiterated that I need to be patient and let time heal my wounds. Thanks for the reminder.


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## ImStillHere (Apr 25, 2012)

Lifescript said:


> lamaga,
> 
> I like your analysis (surgery comparison).
> 
> I wonder if thinking about the person that betrayed you, like is this person really worth it? A good person. If we determine that they are not who we thought they were then would it hurt less. I think when you are betrayed by someone who is impecable in every sense, the perfect partner, it hurts much more.


I definitely don't think of my WH as the perfect partner or even a good person, at this point. He had many faults (we both did). I realize that even more so now that he hasn't been in my life. We were mismatched in a lot of ways from the beginning, though I truly believed that we would make it. But his personal insecurities were apparently a bigger problem than I anticipated. 

I guess the other part of my bruised ego is realizing that I couldn't make our M work...the manifestation of the knight/savior qualities in me. I am a problem solver by nature and profession (an engineer), so it feels like a slap in the face.


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