# How long before you felt you really knew?



## VixNz (Jun 22, 2015)

your SO?

My Husband and I have been together 8 years, and still don't really know what makes him tick.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

I have been married to my husband for 15 years. He still surprises me, at times. I think there are always things we can learn about each other, even after decades together.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

do we ever really know? I was with my first wife 37 years and think we each still had much to learn about one another.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

His moods fluctuate.

I knew him pretty well at the after the first yr of marriage, to about the 18-19 year range... then things have been a little hectic in past few years... I feel he tries to hide his feelings so I don't know when he's worried, or down, or just trying to hide things from me.

Its frustrating, but Im trying to be tolerant.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

But, to be all fair, I've changed much in past 10 yrs too.... He probably doen'st know me as well as he used to either.


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

People are ever changing, so you will forever be learning about your spouse. 

I know a lot about my husband, but there will always be new things to learn about each other as we grow and change through time. Opinions change, wants change, etc. What I thought about parenting has changed, so my husband has had to learn those new things about me. We've been together for 6 years, married for 3. I don't expect to ever know 'everything' about him. Marriage is a journey and we'll continue to grow and learn about each other for many years.


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## Sure that could work (Jun 9, 2015)

There was this timeless couple in the small town I grew up in, they ran the drug store together. They finished each other's sentences and they could predict what each other would do in any situation. Growing up in a dysfunctional home I thought that was so neat that they loved each other so much.......then I grew up and realized I didn't want to know my significant other so well that I could finish his sentences. I wanted to love but not so that it was all predictable. If you grow in the marriage your thoughts and feelings about things should change as time goes on. So should your significant other's thoughts and feelings change. Sometimes it's like getting to know each other all over again as you go through different seasons of life.....I actually like that a lot.

How well do you want to know all your significant other's thoughts and feelings? I believe if you feel safe next to him....if it feels like home if he is next to you no matter where you are....that is a good thing.


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## VixNz (Jun 22, 2015)

Wow! After hearing all that i feel more comfortable. Thank you guys for your time.

My hubs and I dont have the greatest communication skills. I like to (over share) thoughts and feelings, and, Hes not one to share or show.
We both walk on eggshells with each other.

I got him to talk about it briefly the other night. He says he hides it all because he doesn't want to cause issues. I think that part is my own fault. I'm not the easiest person to deal with. I'm a pretty sensitive, jealous, emotional mes at the best of times.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

VixNz said:


> your SO?
> 
> My Husband and I have been together 8 years, and still don't really know what makes him tick.


I been with my wife for 15 years, and sometimes I feel that I do not know her at all. In times it is feels like I am in a dating game, but it is scares me.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

Ohhh... I can relate sooo much about the over sharing!!!..

I want him to share more, So.. I guess maybe I'm doing to him as I want him to do to me. But it doesn't work that way, does it?? (or not often). He doesn't "latch on" to the fact that my oversharing is related to my opinion that he is under-sharing.

My hubs is also trying to hide his emotions from me. I think it's because we are in such a tighter financial situation now, and the job prospects are not good. He doesn't want me to worry. (And yes, I do worry... way way too much).

So... Maybe me (& you??) could do with sharing or venting the feelings to other people, rather than hubbs (hence why I'm here on TAM!!).. 

If I tend to let up a bit, I can see that he feels a little better about opening a tiny, at least admitting to being frustrated, or angry about job situation.. when I've not 'shared' my feelings for a couple days. Like maybe he thinks I'm doing better/feeling stronger, so that he can lean on me.. .Even if for just a little bit of his burden, and only for a half hour.

I try to give him back rub after, but he usually only 'tolerates' that.


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## VixNz (Jun 22, 2015)

Chelle D said:


> Ohhh... I can relate sooo much about the over sharing!!!..
> 
> I want him to share more, So.. I guess maybe I'm doing to him as I want him to do to me. But it doesn't work that way, does it?? (or not often). He doesn't "latch on" to the fact that my oversharing is related to my opinion that he is under-sharing.
> 
> ...


atleast I'm not the only one!


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## ticktock33 (Jun 6, 2014)

I think we are still finding out things about each other. It scared me at first because I found out things that I didn't think he was capable of. But there are things that are great too, he always tells me that we'll be married at 100 years old and i'll still wonder if he is joking about things or not. I think I'm more of closed person than he is so i'm trying to be more open to him. We've been married for 7 years now.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I do remember learning things about him that were kind of scary, that I didn't think he would be capable of... But I know he was a different person from that by the time he 'settled down' and married me.

I used to only "sort of" believe in fate. I feel that we as humans, make the best out of situations as we can, and that act might lead to feelings of "it was meant to be"...

However, looking back, I do remember that little "pull" I felt when I met him (I'm not talking sexual attraction).. and i don't even think I talked to him really at that time....
But the next time I saw him face to face, and he asked me out... yeah, I kind of think I believed in fate after that.

I was going to turn down is offer for a date (yes, I really think it was an offer, not a request)... but then this cross necklace he was wearing, kind of twinkled at me, and a voice in the back of my head said "Hey, you just prayed last night, to meet someone special"...

After saying yes to that date... the rest has been history. But If I had "fully known" all about his past at that time, I probably wouldn't have given him the time of day.

That was over 25 years ago... And I wouldn't have done it all again without him. Yes, I still try to keep getting to "know" him better. Some days he's very reserved and won't even share if it was a good day/bad day/... if he's angry, sad, joyfull... etc. 

Then there's those days that he just wraps his arms around me and I have that contented feeling of being "home" in his arms. And I know that he knows me at that moment.


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