# Husband with addictive personality



## CLL312

Husband was a drug addict when we first started dating, found this out 7 months into the relationship. Went to rehab and was clean for 6 years. This past October he said he needed a release, some fun in his life, so he started to use again. I told him that this mad me really upset, told him I wasn't proud of him being clean 6 years and even told him I would leave him if he did it again. Well since October he has done it 4 times and I haven't kept my promise in leaving. He told me that he was going to get better, lose weight and then give ME an ultimatum on what he wants me to change and if I don't change then he will leave me. He uses the excuse that he is miserable in life, hates his life, is overweight as an excuse to use. I'm not sure what to do anymore.


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## Jamison

CLL312 said:


> Husband was a drug addict when we first started dating, found this out 7 months into the relationship. Went to rehab and was clean for 6 years. This past October he said he needed a release, some fun in his life, so he started to use again. I told him that this mad me really upset, told him I wasn't proud of him being clean 6 years and even told him I would leave him if he did it again. Well since October he has done it 4 times and I haven't kept my promise in leaving. He told me that he was going to get better, lose weight and then give ME an ultimatum on what he wants me to change and if I don't change then he will leave me. He uses the excuse that he is miserable in life, hates his life, is overweight as an excuse to use. I'm not sure what to do anymore.


You need leave. You didn't follow through on what you said, there fore in his mind he can continue on with whatever. And for him to tell you he will tell you what you need to change and if you don't he will leave is BS. Go ahead and leave, you told him if he did it again you would. As of right now you come across as a liar to him, and maybe even to yourself.


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## loved1

Jamison said:


> You need leave. You didn't follow through on what you said, there fore in his mind he can continue on with whatever. And for him to tell you he will tell you what you need to change and if you don't he will leave is BS. Go ahead and leave, you told him if he did it again you would. As of right now you come across as a liar to him, and maybe even to yourself.


Leaving someone that you truly love isn't always just that easy to do. You can't let him walk all over you though and when you give him a bottom line then you gotta stick with it though. I have been here, more times than once. I made a mistake of telling him (my now husband) that I was leaving the next time he drank or he used...... do you know how many relapses that he has had since? lets say there was at least a few..... I'll never tell him that I will leave him if he does it again, cause I can't promise that. Set up boundaries that you are willing to uphold. In my situation I said that he if ever drove after he drank I would call the police myself. The biggest thing I had to tell him was that if he wanted me to trust him then even when he relapses or makes a mistake he needs to own up to it. I didn't want to live with a liar. Its one thing to be an addict.... another to be a liar. 

My husband was also an addict and an alcoholic when i met him.  It took me 6 months to realize it. We were already living together. I was head over heels in love with him. He also went to treatment and has quit for months at a time. Your husband, and mine will probably relapse once or twice throughout the years.... regardless of what they claim is the reason. Its a life long problem. Whats going to make the difference is how they deal with it and how they fix it. My husband and I have been together for 3 years now. I know when he uses, and I call him out on it. I tell him that i love him, and always will. I also tell him the reasons that his using hurts me, and how I would help for him to get the help (whatever he needs) that he deserves. I make myself available for EVERY AA meeting, counseling meeting that he wants me to go to. I always talk to him about his recovery when he wants to talk about it - and he knows i am open to listening. Be supportive, and honest, and you gotta have boundaries and bottom lines.... just make them things you can do.


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## Jamison

loved1 said:


> Leaving someone that you truly love isn't always just that easy to do. You can't let him walk all over you though and when you give him a bottom line then you gotta stick with it though. I have been here, more times than once. I made a mistake of telling him (my now husband) that I was leaving the next time he drank or he used...... do you know how many relapses that he has had since? lets say there was at least a few..... I'll never tell him that I will leave him if he does it again, cause I can't promise that. Set up boundaries that you are willing to uphold. In my situation I said that he if ever drove after he drank I would call the police myself. The biggest thing I had to tell him was that if he wanted me to trust him then even when he relapses or makes a mistake he needs to own up to it. I didn't want to live with a liar. Its one thing to be an addict.... another to be a liar.
> 
> My husband was also an addict and an alcoholic when i met him. It took me 6 months to realize it. We were already living together. I was head over heels in love with him. He also went to treatment and has quit for months at a time. Your husband, and mine will probably relapse once or twice throughout the years.... regardless of what they claim is the reason. Its a life long problem. Whats going to make the difference is how they deal with it and how they fix it. My husband and I have been together for 3 years now. I know when he uses, and I call him out on it. I tell him that i love him, and always will. I also tell him the reasons that his using hurts me, and how I would help for him to get the help (whatever he needs) that he deserves. I make myself available for EVERY AA meeting, counseling meeting that he wants me to go to. I always talk to him about his recovery when he wants to talk about it - and he knows i am open to listening. Be supportive, and honest, and you gotta have boundaries and bottom lines.... just make them things you can do.



I didn't say it was easy, but do I think she needs to leave, yes.


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## Chris Taylor

CLL312 said:


> Husband was a drug addict when we first started dating, found this out 7 months into the relationship. Went to rehab and was clean for 6 years. This past October he said he needed a release, some fun in his life, so he started to use again. I told him that this mad me really upset, told him I wasn't proud of him being clean 6 years and even told him I would leave him if he did it again. Well since October he has done it 4 times and I haven't kept my promise in leaving. He told me that he was going to get better, lose weight and then give ME an ultimatum on what he wants me to change and if I don't change then he will leave me. He uses the excuse that he is miserable in life, hates his life, is overweight as an excuse to use. I'm not sure what to do anymore.


What ultimatum could he possibly give you that is more important than him kicking his drug habit??? He's trying to manipulate you.

It's time to leave. Addicts (and alcoholics like me) usually don't change until they hit bottom. Do you want to go for that ride with him?


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