# feeling alone and helpless



## stressedwife (Dec 16, 2010)

My husband and I were married for 7 years. He started his PHD the year we married and now is close to graduate. We have kid together.

I had been the breadwinner for the family all these years. He had some financial support in school for a while. Then had no support since a year and a half ago. I am paying for house mortgage, utilities, food and everyday expenses. He said he need time to work on his paper, so I have to also pay for daycare for the kid. 

He is having very rough time for the paper. I did all I can to support him and give him enough time to work on the paper. Honestly speaking, it is very tiring. His promised graduation date keeps on being pushed back from this spring, to summer, to this winter. And now, he is planning to graduate next spring. 

Both him and I are being pushed more and more towards the edge. I felt I was trapped by this whole situation. I have been acting like his mom, taking care of him and comforting him. But what I want to do is to find a shoulder to cry on. I had been carrying the burden and feeling can't go any further. Please, any advice is appreciated. What should I do?


----------



## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

stressedwife said:


> My husband and I were married for 7 years. He started his PHD the year we married and now is close to graduate. We have kid together.
> 
> I had been the breadwinner for the family all these years. He had some financial support in school for a while. Then had no support since a year and a half ago. I am paying for house mortgage, utilities, food and everyday expenses. He said he need time to work on his paper, so I have to also pay for daycare for the kid.
> 
> ...


When he worked before, was he a provider to the family? If he was and he will be one after he finishes his studies and finds a new work.


----------



## stressedwife (Dec 16, 2010)

MsLonely said:


> When he worked before, was he a provider to the family? If he was and he will be one after he finishes his studies and finds a new work.


He was for a very short period of time. He is a nice person and that is why we can stay this long in marriage and even have a kid. However, he has some problem. He doesn't seem to find what he is really good at doing. And he stressed out at work/school all the time coz not knowing how to deal with his boss. Since the stress from his paper, he becomes very irritated, starting to scrutinize everything I say and getting anger on very small things. I tried my best to comfort him. But I am not made of steel. After holding up everything and dealing with his depression for the past year, I am feeling falling apart.


----------



## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

It's likely the stress of writing that paper is really getting to him and he's taking it out on you. Not fair, I know. I don't know what the issues are that is causing him to push that graduation date back, so it's hard to advise from there. I can see where you would be falling apart. You've had to carry the load, while he's trying to get the education that's going to provide for his family in life. 

Is there anything that you can do for yourself? What would help to relieve YOUR stress? Aside from him doing more, which may or may not happen. Start with you. Take the time (and the money) to do something just for yourself. Just for ONE day. Only you know what that might be. And hang in there...nothing lasts forever. This will pass.


----------

