# Is this a breach of respect? I am trying to be practical here.



## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

We have debt. But both times my husband has spoken with his attorney his attorney has told my husband he can't talk to me AT ALL anymore. My husband and I are going to spend any money we have for debt on the stinking lawyers when we could be talking about certain things ourselves. We have a dog and a cat that need to go to the vet and I need to be able to tell my husband this. To have to tell him this through his attorney is RIDICULOUS to me. But my husband will likely see it as a total breach of respect if I ever email him again because he asked adamantly for NO COMMUNICATION. His lawyer is creating a wall and making enemies out of us and making us feel like we can't trust each other. My lawyer is awesome and hasn't even responded to some emotional stuff I wrote once because he knows our financial situation and I have been clear from the start that I do not want to be paying him for anything but the most necessary procedures. We can't afford it. 

Can I email my husband without being disrespectful when I am trying to help both of us in the long run? Is there any reasoning with him? I can't stand being his enemy when he is the one who wanted this and I did nothing wrong (okay, I know it takes two...but I never cheated...but I am a pleaser and submissive and then can be passive aggressive at times...so to all of my friends and family I am amazing and kind and sweet and awesome but my husband thinks I am the root of his problems when really I think he just keeps trading one thing for the next seeking out his own happiness). But anyway, he wanted a separation because he said that I wasn't happy and then he fell in love in three months with a girl who he was spending every night with since the separation began. I do not wish him harm but he seems to be using me as a scapegoat and acting like I want to hurt him. All I want is what is fair for both of us and for our business to continue to thrive. I mean well I'd like more than that...to have my husband back...but ultimately I will be happy if he is happy, whatever it takes. 

So yeah, can I email with a subject line: "All business and with all due respect,"...and then lay out the reason that I would like to bypass the lawyers? Or should I just go through the lawyers and add to the debt?


----------



## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Plan on adding debt. While is sounds ridiculous its cheaper in the long run. Why are you even worried about talking about a vet appointment for the dog/cat? He left them too. They are no longer his concern in his mind. Ive been down this road by the way with a sick dog and you will be much better off handling it yourself.

You are wanting to keep him involved in your life but its counterproductive. Lawyers will make enemies and create a constant combative situation, its part of the game. The lawyers do this more so because the client wants it that way. Your stbx wants it this way. 

Don’t email him and really do what you feel is best for yourself, you don’t need to have the lawyer send a letter because it is just racking up debt. If your question is on the vet bill, just do it. If the temp order didn’t specify who had ownership of the animals he is on the hook for half the bill whether he likes it or not.


----------



## laroo (Feb 16, 2013)

Okay, thank you. We have stopped talking. The problem is that he has the pets. I was supposed to be away on temporary separation and so stayed with my parents. Now my lawyer has told his lawyer about the pets. I hope that works.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

How about sending your communications directly to HIS lawyer? Bypass your lawyer, so you won't be billed for any time. If your husband wants to rack up his legal bill, help him out.

C


----------

