# Question about love languages / am I overreacting?



## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

Long post incoming. TL,DR at the end.

A while ago i sent my wife the results of my love language quiz. My main language was touch, with one or two others also ranking high. She in turn sent me her result, which was overwhelmingly "gifts." This wasn't a surprise, and i don't have any issue with that.

My question, however, relates to how one expresses love - to my mind, if your love language is touch, that's how you feel loved, but also how you express it towards others. I'm constantly touching my wife and my children, hugging them, etc.

My wife, on the other hand, doesn't really reciprocate, in my language or hers. She is often getting little deliveries here and there pf cute little things she bought for our children. I rarely get anything from her - which on the surface doesn't bother me because I don't care about getting gifts, but I'm more worried about the underlying implication. On our most recent anniversary, money was tight, but I still did all I could to get her flowers and a small gift. She got me exactly nothing - not even a card.

Now it's Christmas time, and for the past month and a half, I've watched her agonize over what to get her boss - asking me for advice, spending quite a lot of time trying to find something that he'll like. No big deal, I know for a fact that there is nothing untoward going on, this is just how she is about everything.

We don't have an unlimited budget, and I put money in her account, twice, specifically to buy gifts. She'd spent nearly all of it last week, and only then, with 6 days until Christmas, asked me what I wanted and what our budget was for each other. I guess maybe she thought that I had separate funds for our gifts for each other, maybe there was some kind of miscommunication or non-communication. It could be my fault for not specifying that I had given her all of the money I was able to give her.

But dang if I don't feel like an afterthought. Again, it's not about the actual gift, but it hurts more that she complains and vents almost daily about her boss's work style, and how stressful her job is, how she hates her commute, and yet I had to spend more than a month listening to her fret over what to buy simply because she felt obligated since she'd got him a gift last year.

Every year I try and get her an "original" gift - something that she hadn't requested, but that she would appreciate. Exactly zero times has it stayed out of the deepest recesses of her closet more than a few weeks. Even gifts that she specifically asked for are still to this day unused. Brand new, with the tags / labels still attached. This year is no different, and I expect the same result, so this time the "original gift" is really a stocking stuffer, most of her gifts are things that she specifically requested throughout the past year.

Am I just too sensitive / too introspective and letting things bother me that really don't matter? Am I reading into this too much? I have a tendency to do that, so I haven't really expressed my feelings to her about it. It would just lead to an argument for which I would have to apologize anyway; there's not really anything useful about telling her how I feel.


TL,DR - My wife's love language is gifts, but she almost never buys me anything or even appreciates my gifts to her. Does it mean something?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

I'd say it means something....what it means will be up to you to decide. 

My wife and do not buy each other gifts. To us its a foolish waste of money. 

But if it was me the first time I bought her something that wasn't appreciated would be the last time. Not to mention the buying her boss a gift seems odd, almost inappropriate. 

Scott


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

I don't think your situation is unusual. My husband's love language is touch but he's not a touchy feely person...I am.

It shouldn't matter though. My interpretation of love languages is that you're supposed to be intentional about speaking your partner's language, and they yours. 

Did you and your wife read the book together?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Sounds like she isn't putting much effort into your relationship because she thinks it'll just look after itself. I guess she didn't get the memo that relationships die without attention, like plants without water.

Edited to add: I got my DH's Christmas present back in October. Due to past experiences with him not getting me anything, or helping the kids get me anything for my birthday, I organised my own Christmas presents from him and the kids as well. It sucks, but it's way better than being the only person there with nothing to open because you're last on the priority list. In response to this, he'd probably say he had something planned to get me but I pre-empted him, but I haven't seen a change in behaviour to imply I've moved up the priority list. Grand plans mean nothing when nothing eventuates from them. So I know how you feel.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

The way you've described your marriage, it seems your wife isn't expressing love toward you in any language or in any way. If that's true, I don't see the point of being with someone.

If you have a one-sided relationship, you are doing all the giving and she is doing all the taking and expects it to be that way. You have to change your part in the relationship in order to change the relationship.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Gifts are a weird love language. Your Wife speaks gift very well and often. Because you are not a native speaker of gift, you are having a lot of trouble understanding her. She knows that you are not interested in receiving physical gifts. So the first gift she gives you is not wasting your money buying a gift for you. This is actually a sacrifice for her. All of her emotion is telling her buy him some cute thing. What other gifts is she giving you? How are you receiving them?

Don't worry about the back of the closet. It is receiving the gift that is important to her. You are interpreting her actions as rejection, I'm pretty sure you are wrong. If she was rejecting the gifts she would be regifting.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You have to use the other person's language, not what makes YOU feel loved. So her primary is gifts...so stop pawing her and do gifts! And SHE is going to have to start reaching out and touching you, because that is what makes YOU feel loved. You don't use YOUR language, you use THEIR language.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> You have to use the other person's language, not what makes YOU feel loved. So her primary is gifts...so stop pawing her and do gifts! And SHE is going to have to start reaching out and touching you, because that is what makes YOU feel loved. You don't use YOUR language, you use THEIR language.


I agree with 3x, but the problem is that she's not speaking to you with ANY love language at all. That's the impression that I get, anyway--it sounds like you are at the bottom of her priority list.

So yes, I think you need to speak with her. But it's more about how she is prioritizing you and your marriage. It looks to me like everything, including the kids and her boss (WTF?!?!?!?) are more important to her than you are, and that is unfair. She needs to get her priorities straight, or eventually you'll get sick of it, because she won't need to worry about prioritizing you anymore, because you'll have left. (I mean, maybe don't say THAT.)

But you guys DO need to talk.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I do use her language, quite a bit more than I used to, actually. She doesn't really touch me very often, every now and then she'll hug me but mostly when she's feel appreciative - if I get up on Saturday morning and feed the kids and clean up (which I do nearly every Saturday / Sunday anyway). I think I'm just confused about how she does communicate love, because it doesn't feel like she does at all right now.

The boss thing is another story - she feels obligated now because she gave him one last year, and if she didn't do it this year she thinks he might read into it. Based on his personality, he probably would. I don't really know why she gave him a gift last year in the first place, but that's another story.

I want to talk to her, but I think she'll just end up getting angry and think I'm attacking her, and then it will turn into a huge argument. I think I'll just wait and see what happens on Christmas.


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## knightRider (Dec 31, 2014)

Seppuku,

do you guys have an active sex life?
You and wifey need councelling by the sounds of it. No point in arguing over XMAS, that will just break things.
Sounds like communication needs working on, but in a non confrontational way, which is very difficult.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

I wouldn't confuse love languages with a reluctance and possibly guilt at spending money that doesn't sound as though it's flowing too freely and could be used for other things. 

She likely doesn't want to offend you by spending money on something she knows you might not value.

And, for your part, have you told her how much you're concerned?

Love language quizzes can't substitute for real communication. Here it just seems to have caused a problem.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

Oh that sounds _so_ familiar. Her "love" language isn't gifts ... her love language is her. She just doesn't value your time, your skills, your doing signs of appreciation, or your touch. Basically she doesn't value you at all.

What she does value is that you are profitable to have about, and will provide her demands. The proof that you are her pet/attachment/accessory. I doubt the woman is even capable of "love" in any sharing capacity.

For her it's not that your gifts have any real point or value to her, it's more like making offerings at some temple. What is important is that you make regular attendance and tithe.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

knightRider said:


> Seppuku,
> 
> do you guys have an active sex life?
> You and wifey need councelling by the sounds of it. No point in arguing over XMAS, that will just break things.
> Sounds like communication needs working on, but in a non confrontational way, which is very difficult.


Don't I know it - it's impossible for me to bring anything up without her feeling attacked - either it starts an argument or she completely dismisses me.

Our sex life ebbs and flows, but right now we haven't been intimate for about 6 weeks. We've spoken about it, and I said it doesn't seem to bother her. She said it does bother her, to which I replied "it doesn't seem like it to me."

We haven't had our kids in the house since Christmas, and of course THAT'S the day her period starts; but honestly, even if she didn't have it, I don't think we would be having sex anyway. I'm not really interested in sex right now, for multiple reasons. We were watching TV on Saturday and she looked at me and motioned for me to come closer. I asked what was the matter, and she said that she has her period so we can't have sex, but she can do other things. I said "What do you mean?" I think I was so shocked, because this "offer" came out of left field - we weren't watching anything even remotely sexual, and hadn't been talking about sex. She basically said she could give me oral. I think I just sat there looking confused for moment, but she didn't move at all - she was laying back on some pillows, face up. So we just went back to watching the TV show and I shrugged it off.




Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> I wouldn't confuse love languages with a reluctance and possibly guilt at spending money that doesn't sound as though it's flowing too freely and could be used for other things.
> 
> She likely doesn't want to offend you by spending money on something she knows you might not value.
> 
> ...


For what it's worth, it's not about the money, or the gift. And I really appreciate the gifts that she does give me. I also maintain a public amazon wish list which contains things that I know I'd use - sometimes I just buy things off my list, but it's there for anyone to see as well. She bought two items from that list with some of the money she had left over. I could have given her more money, but that really wouldn't have served a purpose, I can just buy things for myself in that case. It's more about the fact that I am the absolute last person she thought about when it came to Christmas gifts, which is supposed to be her love language.

She is the very first person I bought for, and I got things she had mentioned to me earlier in the year, or even in years past. Christmas morning she loved all of the gifts I gave her, and went on about how she didn't think we were doing that much for each other, etc. I think she felt slightly bad about not having more gifts for me.

But here's the kicker for me. On December 21st, her boss gave her cash (as is customary). I know that she had already bought the two gifts that she gave me, but if she really wanted to do more she could have used some of that money to get something else in time for Christmas. I suppose she could counter by saying that she knows how unimportant gifts are to me, so she didn't think I'd be bothered - but she has made a big deal about me not getting her flowers or a card, on several occasions. Then to turn around and not even give me a card on our anniversary? Not even a free e-card? I thought these things were important to her, so what does it say for her not to do them for me?

I realize how materialistic all of this might sound, but again, it's really not about the actual gifts, it's about her attitude about it. I truly, honestly think she's no longer in love with me (because of this, and other things). I have had conversations with her and told her how I feel and why I feel that way, but it just seems like it's falling on deaf ears. I get the obligatory "of course I love you" etc., but the empty feeling doesn't go away and nothing changes.

spotthedeaddog - while I find truth in some of what you say, I wouldn't agree that she's as narcissistic as you characterize her to be. She isn't a selfish person; I think now she is just apathetic towards me; no real emotion one way or the other. To be honest, I can say that for the first 10 or so years in our marriage, I was more of the taker and she was the giver, so I am cutting her a very gracious amount of slack - she deserves that, and it's why I haven't really said anything, but that doesn't mean that it doesn't bother me.


She isn't open to the idea of marriage counseling at all - every time I bring it up, she says "why do you want to go to counseling?" and "I don't think we need to do that."


It's very difficult, having this empty feeling and wondering if the other person even cares. It's worse knowing that they probably put up with the same from you for so long. I really don't know what to do because she's not open to talk to me about it, and is not willing to seek outside help.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Seppuku said:


> She isn't open to the idea of marriage counseling at all - every time I bring it up, she says "why do you want to go to counseling?" and "I don't think we need to do that."


What do you say when she says that? Do you tell her that YOU think you need counseling because YOU aren't happy and you think your marriage is in trouble regardless of whether she is content? You should tell her that, and tell her you're going to start going to counseling whether she does or not because something has to change.



> It's very difficult, having this empty feeling and wondering if the other person even cares. It's worse knowing that they probably put up with the same from you for so long. I really don't know what to do because she's not open to talk to me about it, and is not willing to seek outside help.


Does she know how unhappy you are? If she doesn't realize how unhappy you are, it's not a matter of not caring, but not understanding the seriousness of the problems you see.

You need to be very clear about this with her. Tell her straight out that you think your marriage is in trouble and heading for worse, and that you are unhappy and you two need to do something about it now. A counselor can help you two talk about all this stuff, but she needs to acknowledge there's a problem first. It's your job to be clear with her that the problem isn't going away just because she wants to ignore it or can't see it.


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## RoseAglow (Apr 11, 2013)

Sep, have you read His Needs, Her Needs? It's like the 5 Love Lanuages, but more specific and with a plan on how to rebuild love in your marriage. It will give you a road map of sorts. 

I agree with Nora, I think it's important to let your wife know that you're unhappy. It doesn't help either one of you if you "give her slack" because she felt unloved in the past. It's just prolonging things and keeping you and your wife vulnerable to affairs and/or divorce. 

I love my husband to pieces, but it still took me several years to get his gifts right. Even this year, I was sweating it because I waited too long to get him things on his list. I focused on everyone else first, mostly because we had many visitors and holiday parties and I was trying to make sure we wouldn't show up empty-handed somewhere. I also have gifts from him that I specifically asked for that are still unused after several years. I still love that he got them for me though. I'd try not to read too much into it. If she was meeting your needs/speaking your love language, I don't think you'd be all that bothered by the gifts. 

I am sorry you're going through this, especially during the holidays, when we are inundated with tv, movies, images of happy families. I hope you two are able to get on track soon.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I haven't read the book, but I will look into it.

I have expressed my feelings to her, but when I do she either turns it around on me or it becomes a big argument.

I asked her today if she was happy, and she said yes. But I don't think it's true.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Seppuku said:


> Our sex life ebbs and flows, but right now we haven't been intimate for about 6 weeks. We've spoken about it, and I said it doesn't seem to bother her. She said it does bother her, to which I replied "it doesn't seem like it to me."


How about taking her word that it does bother her and instead of dismissing what she is telling you, ask how together things could get back on track... get that conversation rolling instead of who is most at fault. 

It sounds like you don't feel she is considering you. Do you feel taken for granted?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Seppuku said:


> But dang if I don't feel like an afterthought. Again, it's not about the actual gift, but it hurts more that she complains and vents almost daily about her boss's work style, and how stressful her job is, how she hates her commute, and yet I had to spend more than a month listening to her fret over what to buy simply because she felt obligated since she'd got him a gift last year.


Better out than in. Sure, there are communication styles that are going to be more effective than others but it's got to start somewhere. Even if it's awkward and she gets angry. It doesn't matter if she gets angry. That doesn't mean it needs to be hurtful.

Is her venting and complaining about her job an issue for you? Because if it is, deal with that as it's happening. My husband has done this with me in the past. It can even be simply stating, 'You might not be aware but you've complained every day this week about your boss. This can't keep happening so what can you do differently?' I've been there, done that, annoyed my husband. And for me at least, it was good to be called out on it. I hadn't realized that was becoming my pattern when getting home from work. He also communicated how it impacted him, and essentially, us. It doesn't mean I can't go to my husband but we need to have consideration and awareness of our impact on one another. Sounds obvious but when you're full of emotion, that perspective can get lost.

All behavior is a form of communication. For the moment, could it be beneficial to shift the focus from what you need from your wife and really consider what it is that you need for yourself? If you feel counseling is the way to go, then schedule IC. Her approval or agreement isn't required.

My recent view on 'love languages' is that there's really just one language, and that's understanding.


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> How about taking her word that it does bother her and instead of dismissing what she is telling you, ask how together things could get back on track... get that conversation rolling instead of who is most at fault.
> 
> It sounds like you don't feel she is considering you. Do you feel taken for granted?


I don't think I was being dismissive, she simply doesn't show any signs that anything is bothering her, and hasn't mentioned it.

I do feel like I am taken for granted, which I have stated to her multiple times. She simply disagrees and moves on, but never changes her behavior.

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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> Better out than in. Sure, there are communication styles that are going to be more effective than others but it's got to start somewhere. Even if it's awkward and she gets angry. It doesn't matter if she gets angry. That doesn't mean it needs to be hurtful.
> 
> Is her venting and complaining about her job an issue for you? Because if it is, deal with that as it's happening. My husband has done this with me in the past. It can even be simply stating, 'You might not be aware but you've complained every day this week about your boss. This can't keep happening so what can you do differently?' I've been there, done that, annoyed my husband. And for me at least, it was good to be called out on it. I hadn't realized that was becoming my pattern when getting home from work. He also communicated how it impacted him, and essentially, us. It doesn't mean I can't go to my husband but we need to have consideration and awareness of our impact on one another. Sounds obvious but when you're full of emotion, that perspective can get lost.
> 
> ...


Her complaining about her job really bothers me. It's pretty much ever day that she works and sometimes even the weekend - she gets herself completely worked up and angry sometimes.

I've told her multiple times, but she just isn't the type of person to be able to leave work at work.

I don't mind it occasionally, but every day gets really upsetting. I am not ever allowed to be angry at her without her getting angry with me, so most times I just let her vent and go about my business.

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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

Seppuku said:


> Her complaining about her job really bothers me. *It's pretty much ever day that she works and sometimes even the weekend - she gets herself completely worked up and angry sometimes.
> *
> I've told her multiple times, but she just isn't the type of person to be able to leave work at work.
> 
> ...


If it's that bad, she needs to find a new job. I know this isn't the point of the thread, but if she is that unhappy with work, it may be impacting your relationship indirectly.

ETA: And some people are unable to leave work at work. Telling her to do it won't help her, it will only further frustrate her, because she will see that as you not understanding or empathizing with her frustration. So I would recommend that you stop doing that particular thing. And it's a little unfair of you to be angry with her for expressing herself; when you tell her not to do that, you're communicating that you don't care about her feelings, that her frustrations don't matter to you. And when you let her vent and go about her business, she can tell that you're tuning her out--so she feels like you don't HEAR her and you don't UNDERSTAND her. That's why she keeps doing it over and over and over again.

The next time, try actively listening to her. (Google it for how-to/instructions.) Focus your attention on her, and show her that you hear what she is saying, and that you sympathize with her and that you don't like to see her so stressed and unhappy in her work. You'll have to do this multiple times. Don't try to fix her problems or tell her what she should do, just listen and show you understand and care. But I think you may see a change in how she does this, and what she says, and perhaps in how the two of you relate. And at that point, you may be better able to work towards a solution to the problems in your marriage and her problems at work.

She does this because she needs your support. And from what you say, it doesn't sound like you are being supportive right now. It sounds like you just want her to shut up.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

The things that bother the most are usually cries for attention, love, and compassion.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Seppuku said:


> Long post incoming. TL,DR at the end.
> 
> A while ago i sent my wife the results of my love language quiz. My main language was touch, with one or two others also ranking high. She in turn sent me her result, which was overwhelmingly "gifts." This wasn't a surprise, and i don't have any issue with that.
> 
> ...


This is simply a case of you being taken for granted. Do you have a life outside of the home? Friends? Activities? Or do you make sure you are always taking care of her and being available? 

I suggest starting with that - start spending time away from her with friends or a sports league, maybe even go on a weekend trip with friends now and then. Get her to WANT you, and she'll agonize over your gift, too.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Seppuku said:


> Her complaining about her job really bothers me. It's pretty much ever day that she works and sometimes even the weekend - she gets herself completely worked up and angry sometimes.
> 
> I've told her multiple times, but she just isn't the type of person to be able to leave work at work.
> 
> ...


Here's a good place to start separating yourself from being her doormat. "Wife, I get it, that you're unhappy at work. If you want me to help you find another job, I'm glad to do it. But if you're not going to do anything about the job, the constant griping about it is causing me a lot of anxiety. Will you find a friend of yours to take this to?"

Let her start seeing you as a lover, not a thing, not a brother or friend.


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

turnera said:


> Here's a good place to start separating yourself from being her doormat. "Wife, I get it, that you're unhappy at work. If you want me to help you find another job, I'm glad to do it. But if you're not going to do anything about the job, the constant griping about it is causing me a lot of anxiety. Will you find a friend of yours to take this to?"
> 
> Let her start seeing you as a lover, not a thing, not a brother or friend.


I like this if my suggestion doesn't work first


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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

FeministInPink said:


> If it's that bad, she needs to find a new job. I know this isn't the point of the thread, but if she is that unhappy with work, it may be impacting your relationship indirectly.
> 
> ETA: And some people are unable to leave work at work. Telling her to do it won't help her, it will only further frustrate her, because she will see that as you not understanding or empathizing with her frustration. So I would recommend that you stop doing that particular thing. And it's a little unfair of you to be angry with her for expressing herself; when you tell her not to do that, you're communicating that you don't care about her feelings, that her frustrations don't matter to you. And when you let her vent and go about her business, she can tell that you're tuning her out--so she feels like you don't HEAR her and you don't UNDERSTAND her. That's why she keeps doing it over and over and over again.
> 
> ...


I do actively listen, every time. I don't tune her out.

When I say I've told her multiple times, it may be three or four times for the year.

She doesn't want to move internally because she think her boss will see it some kind of betrayal, and for whatever reason outside things for which she has applied haven't worked out. And right now, most of the companies in her industry are on a hiring freeze.


turnera said:


> Here's a good place to start separating yourself from being her doormat. "Wife, I get it, that you're unhappy at work. If you want me to help you find another job, I'm glad to do it. But if you're not going to do anything about the job, the constant griping about it is causing me a lot of anxiety. Will you find a friend of yours to take this to?"
> 
> Let her start seeing you as a lover, not a thing, not a brother or friend.


I've tried this too - she'll stop for a week or two, then start complaining to me again.

I don't have any friends that live near enough to us for me to be going out very often, and I don't have time for a sports league, although I'm not opposed to the idea.

I just feel stuck, and any time I express any unhappiness it's seen as me having an attitude or it starts an argument.

She claims that she's happy (with me) but I know she isn't. We recently hadn't been intimate for 6-7 weeks, and then one day she just got super horny and we had sex. I found later that she had searched for porn about an hour before that. That makes me feel insecure; she's only interested if she's been drinking (she says it relaxes her) or now if she's been looking at porn?

I don't even know how to approach that one. I've told her that I feel like she's only interested in me when she has been drinking, and she just denies everything.

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## Seppuku (Sep 22, 2010)

I will try suggesting that she talk to a friend who isn't me, in a different way than I have in the past. Couldn't hurt, right?

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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Seppuku said:


> I've tried this too - she'll stop for a week or two, then start complaining to me again.


This is where boundaries and consequences work. The one thing I think all therapists will agree on. Why? Because they don't require the buy-in of the other person. A boundary is what YOU will or won't accept to be done to YOU. Like being griped at day in and day out. And the resulting consequence for that boundary (don't gripe at me 24/7 about your job if you're not willing to do something about it) would be something YOU do if you tell/ask her to stop griping at you 24/7 and she tries but then starts complaining again: For instance, you could say 'wife, I KNOW you hate your job, I've told you I'm willing to help you get a new job, but I've told you I can't handle the constant complaining any more. I want to be supportive, but this isn't being supportive any more; it's just enabling to not change. So I'm willing to listen. For five minutes. But if you keep griping beyond five minutes, it's not doing any good and it's hurting me, so I'm going to get up and go do something else - read in another room, hit some golf balls, go for a walk. I'm just letting you know that I need to do this, and the next time it happens, that's why I'll be leaving the room; I just want you to know. Now, if you want help fixing your resume or looking up jobs, I'm all in.'

See how it's supportive, it's offering suggestions for improvement, and it's also protecting yourself, which will have her respect you more.



> I just feel stuck, and any time I express any unhappiness it's seen as me having an attitude or it starts an argument.


This is something you have complete control over. If you just 'express unhappiness,' you ARE complaining. If you express it in terms of YOUR boundary, you are saying that you love her but you didn't marry her just to be her whipping boy. AND you are saying, if you use what I put above, that you're willing to be part of her solution to her unhappiness. And then you're saying that you're just not willing to stay in the status quo for another 5/10/X years with her unhappy yet doing nothing to fix the problem. 

Now, if you say it 'starts an argument,' that is completely in your control. It takes two to argue. You just have to learn to change how you react. If she starts then griping at YOU, because you're not just sitting there and letting her unload, you can just say "Wife, I love you, but I didn't marry you just to sit and listen to you complain over something you're unwilling to change. I'm going to the garage/X until you and I can talk without arguing." And then you LEAVE. Help her learn how to do things differently.


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