# Confused about husband's choice to stay friends with the man who also betrayed him..



## Confused2013 (Dec 31, 2012)

I have recently made a horrible mistake and betrayed my husband. I have been faithful to my husband up until recently.

I am going to cut to the chase as much as I can with this. I betrayed my husband by making out with another man (John) which involved 'heavy petting'. No sex. I stayed over night and slept on his futon. No sex involved. The man I made out with is one of my husbands best friends and a long time family friend. When I got home, I never made contact with John again. After a week of feeling horrible (which I still feel and deserve), I confronted my husband and told him. He didn't get mad. He said he was hurt and wouldn't let such events make him 'feel out of control' or angry. He said he 'wasn't sure' if he would continue to stay friends with John. That I did this because I was mad at him for 'going hunting' and I felt that this act would 'get back at him'. (As if this was all pre-planned)

A few weeks later, at a Christmas party with friends, my husband tells me that John confronted him asked why he has been so distant. My husband then brings up the issue. John states: 'I didn't know your wife had feelings for me like that'.

Two weeks later, John calls my husband and asks if we would like to meet up with him and some other friends. My husband asks me in a passive but happy tone: 'John called and asked if we would like to meet up with him and some friends'.

I was speechless...and didn't know how to react to my husbands passive (no big deal) attitude about this whole issue. After a minute of being in shock, I then said: I don't care...whatever you want to do. We ended up not going out. I said I was not feeling up to it. 

Here are my questions:

1. WHY wouldn't he want to end our relationship. At the very least, 'feel' like he wanted to end it. Something! Honestly, he has acted and carried on like nothing has happened at all? 

2. WHY in the world would my husband want to continue to be friends with John. Why is he handling this horrible 'deal breaker/marriage breaker' of an event as if nothing ever happened?

Thank you for any insight.

~Confused2013


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## d4life (Nov 28, 2012)

Maybe because he is cheating on you? I have no clue but its really odd.  That's not something I would get over easy, and I'm sure my husband wouldn't either. It would pretty much end our friendships.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Is your husband a 'nice guy' or push over? Does he seem to pacify you on most things?


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## Thoreau (Nov 12, 2012)

You didn't make a "mistake". You cheated on your husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

So you did something in order to test your husband and you're affronted that he's not reacting in the way that you want? 

Perhaps he's planning his revenge. Perhaps he just doesn't care that much - and I think that's what you're worried about right?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

I tend to agree with Dolly.

What else has been going on in your marriage?

Can you provide some more information about the 2 of you? Married how long ? Kids? Etc.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Thoreau said:


> You didn't make a "mistake". You cheated on your husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree. You made the choice to cheat. Don't down play the situation. 

Cheating is never a mistake, it's a choice. Don't be surprised if he heavy pets another woman and makes out with her. It's very hurtful you know. 

BTW, I've been cheated on countless times by my ex h. Instead of cheating back I left the marriage. I did leave the day I had proof. Maybe your husband is deciding what to do about this and he can't wrap his head around your betrayal.


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## WanderingLost (Dec 30, 2012)

Do you want him to end it?? He maybe a little of a push over but he may also just really love you and feels he can get past it. I don't think cheating is always a deal breaker, especially when no sex was involved. Unless that's really what you were hoping for??


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## caladan (Nov 2, 2012)

Or maybe he feels that this friend didn't betray any vows, but you did?


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