# Husband chooses his free time over supporting his family



## lmc825 (Jun 21, 2015)

I am a working mother of a 1 year old, that can not afford daycare, so I rely on my mother to watch my son without pay. My husband is a poker dealer, only works 4 days a week, and every work day is between 2-5 hours long. Working for tips is stressful and difficult I know. But very inconsistent pay. 
I have just recently taken on a second job, because both of our incomes combined, we still are over-drawn in our account every month just paying bills/rent/groceries/gas etc.

My husband on the other hand...refuses to find another job, or better, more consistent paying job. He goes on his runs every morning and plays his round of Disc golf. On his 3 days off he likes to go to his friends house to play pool/drink. He still complains that he does not get to go cycling anymore and he would be a lot happier if he did.
I have tried to tell him to get another job so he can support his family like he should, and he gets defensive. He claims that money does not buy happiness (and many people in the world would agree), but for someone in OUR position, penny pinching everyday, and struggling to pay our bills, and feeding our son the right nutritious foods he should be having...DAMN STRAIGHT money would make us a whole lot happier!

The thing is...I know that his free time to do what he wants for HIM, is more important than making sure his family is well taken care of. I thought I was marrying an "old fashioned" type of guy, but I was very wrong. I feel that if this continues, I am just going to resent him more and more until its too late. I love my husband, and want nothing more than to make this marriage work, especially for our son's sake. I just wish he would try harder!!

Please, any advice will be greatly appreciated.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How old are the two of you?

How long have you been married?

Can you break down what your income looks like...

What percentage of your joint income comes from your first job?
What percentage of your joint income comes from your second job?
What percentage of your joint income comes from his job?

How many hours a week do you work between your two jobs?

Your husband apparently works between 8 and 20 hours a week. and goofs off the rest of the time.

You have every right to be very angry with him. You might love him. But he's mistreating you. Plus he's taking advantage of your mother. 

He will not see the light until you do something drastic. If you continue as you are, he will continue to see your bringing up his need to earn more as simply nagging. Some men use that attitude as a way to dismiss their wife's very real/valid concerns. 

You are going to have to destabilize your marriage to get him to understand that it's time for him to grow up and support his family.

The way to do that is to tell him that if he does not have another job that earns enough to help support you all with in 1-2 months, that you will be divorcing him. You have to be willing to carry out the threat.

Could you and your child move in with your mother? This would be to impress on him that you mean what you say. 

What happens in a lot of marriages is that the husband does not take his wife's concerns seriously. She will keep telling him for a long time what those concerns are. But he shuts it out. After all he's happy, what's her problem? Her concerns are not important to him. 

Yep your husband does not care about your concerns, your health or your happiness. He will be more than glad to let you work your self sick while he works very minimal part time hours. Let that sink in. He thinks that you will stay with him and you will support him while he mostly plays.

After a few years of this the wife gives up, she stops complaining because she knows that her husband will not listen to her and could care less. Now, once she has quit complaining he things everything is cool because she's not complaining/nagging any more. 

Then one day she files for divorce. Her love for him is dead. It's called the walk away wife syndrome. 

Don't let yourself and your marriage get to the stages where you give up and then eventually walk away. You need to make your stand NOW. YOU are the only one who can do this.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He certainly has it easy, doesn't he? Bet he doesn't mind imposing on your mother one little bit just as long as he gets to act like a teenager. He works between 8 and 20 hours a week. He needs to grow up and be an adult.


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## creative (Apr 23, 2013)

I'm a usually a guy who understands both sides of the story but I'm struggling to understand his side. His priorities is HIM & not you and your boys. If I was his mate I would be telling him to get a regular paying job to help you all out and get over the fact that he will be happier if he did more of his things. Wouldn't we all benefit if we did the things we wanted to do but there comes a time when we partner up and have kids and then we change our priorities to responsibility. I know you don't want to be the nagging wife but he needs a smack of reality as he's not 18 ( I assume) & look past his tantrums as its only his ego defending it self. Tell it to him straight your position and if not you will naturally build the resentment towards him...anyone would in your situation.


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## Bob Davis (Nov 5, 2014)

He's not a good husband, and he's not a good father, by not bringing home the bacon. You'd be entirely justified in feeling hurt and resentful (and I suspect these will only increase over time). The ball's in your court as to what to do.


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