# Why do people marry?



## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

why do you all marry and feel the need to sign the contract of doom?

for the vast majority of individuals who marry you will not be happy and not have your true consummate love. For some its a great decision for the rest of folk you just do not think it over (sorry its true) and it leads to failure. I advice everyone to just date for 10 years than marry otherwise you are playing a huge gamble and most people are not mature enough mentally to know how to read others or understand their own feelings. 


I am not trying to be mean i am trying to understand why everyone is suffering and its all because they married someone and are stuck or feel stuck. Had you not done this it could of been prevented


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

I would guess for most people its the raising children thing


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Good question. Because at one time we believed in fairytales?

I can tell you if this one don't work out I won't be married a second time.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

Following society's norms, family wishes, pressure to "do the right thing", love, infatuation...etc...

Like so many of life's choices, marrying someone comes with a lot of unknown variables that we have no control over. The difference between marriage and other choices, like jobs, schooling, where to live, is that we entrust our whole selves and well-being emotionally and physically to another person who, like us, is very fallible. Like life, in general, there are no manuals, only the ones we make up as we go through it.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> why do you all marry and feel the need to sign the contract of doom?
> 
> *Contract of Doom?*
> 
> ...


*Everyone? 

Stuck? 

It's not all gloom and doom. Some of us actually celebrate being stuck to someone. Not trying to be mean either, sorry you're experiences brought you to feel this way.*


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## jfv (May 29, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> *Everyone?
> 
> Stuck?
> 
> It's not all gloom and doom. Some of us actually celebrate being stuck to someone. Not trying to be mean either, sorry you're experiences brought you to feel this way.*


Some, but probably not most.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

The first time I married, we dated for 7 years before marriage and it ended in divorce after 19 years (and 3 kids) ... Second marriage, although had it's bumps along the way, well, we dated less than a year before marriage and I cannot imagine life without him. I know there are no guarantees, but we are very compatible and now keep our marriage on the front burner


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

jfv said:


> Some, but probably not most.


Sorry you feel that way.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

People get married because they are under misconceptions.

They wrongly think

- marriage is "the thing to do". 
- marriage is a higher level of commitment
- marriage is a "safer" relationship
- marriage is better if you have kids (because otherwise people will disapprove of you in some way and that would be just terrible)

None of this is the least bit true.

Marriage is an old, outdated trivial concept and most marriages end up failing. Given the statistics, and the overwhelming potential pitfalls compared to little to no advantages, marriage makes no sense at all.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

swedish said:


> The first time I married, we dated for 7 years before marriage and it ended in divorce after 19 years (and 3 kids) ... Second marriage, although had it's bumps along the way, well, *we dated less than a year before marriage and I cannot imagine life without him. I know there are no guarantees, but we are very compatible and now keep our marriage on the front burner *


I too got married after dating for just one year.
She was the only person I had been exclusive with for so long.
Everyone who knew me thought I was mad.
Everyone who knew her warned her about me.
Seventeen years later, I look around and I cannot see any of them,
I only see HER.

That's why I got married.
If I had the chance to go back in time and do it over,
It will be her AGAIN.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> People get married because they are under misconceptions.
> 
> They wrongly think
> 
> ...


So your advice is we should all conclude how foolish we are and give up our endeavor. Thanks for the advice, but no thanks. Don't know why your here. I thought this was a place to learn about marriage, not give up on it.

I had my say, sorry to be so positive.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> *Everyone?
> 
> Stuck?
> 
> It's not all gloom and doom. Some of us actually celebrate being stuck to someone. Not trying to be mean either, sorry you're experiences brought you to feel this way.*


I have a happy marriage. I am a divorce lawyer and was a psychologist before so yes you could say my field of work has led me to have a low view of most people. I see how they destroy themselves and perhaps its high standards i have but i truly feel bad for the vast majority of people on earth so many of them live wrongly than again that is just my opinion. 



anchorwatch said:


> Sorry you feel that way.


Its true trust me. Half of marriages or a little over or under half fail aka lead to divorce and all that drama. Another good portion of them that do not fail are filled with unhappiness. Its wishful thinking to look outside see a married couple and believe that divorce, infidelity and or abuse of some sort is not in their present or in their future life.


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

I have to agree goldmember.


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> I have a happy marriage. I am a divorce lawyer and was a psychologist before so yes you could say my field of work has led me to have a low view of most people. I see how they destroy themselves and perhaps its high standards i have but i truly feel bad for the vast majority of people on earth so many of them live wrongly than again that is just my opinion.
> 
> Its true trust me. Half of marriages or a little over or under half fail aka lead to divorce and all that drama. Another good portion of them that do not fail are filled with unhappiness. Its wishful thinking to look outside see a married couple and believe that divorce, infidelity and or abuse of some sort is not in their present or in their future life.


I understand your view and how your occupations didn't bring you in contact with many happily married couples.. and the population of this site is a bit skewed too.

We have all heard those stats. I don't disagree, but I've yet to see the data. We're together 40 years, married 37, according to you by now divorce, infidelity or abuse should have happened, yet it hasn't. Can it? Of course. Will it? Not probable. My point is even at a fifty percent divorce rate, your conclusion is the rest of us are just wishful thinking and fooling ourselves? I prefer to think not. IMHO


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

We had been together 7 or 9 years. I don't really remember. 

We lived together had a baby. Lost jobs lost apts lost cars. 

Grew up so fast. 

For us it was the only thing we didn't do and decided to just do it. 

We were going to live together anyways. We have our fair share of problems but there isn't any one else who I could see going through it all with. 

Our 12 year anniversary is coming up in a few weeks. Our 21 anniversary was a couple of months ago. 

My 35 birthday was Friday. His 34 was a week ago. Every day we both make the decision daily to remain together. 

He's my best friend. I am his. Our lives revolve around both of us. 

It's what I always wanted. We over came a lot. We talked about divorce. But we are both to egoistic to be at fault for this failing. So we got out all the bullsh!t and rehashed over and over every fight every hurt feeling. 

Every reason. We talked about what a split would be like. We took the hard route and hashed out everything. 

2 years later, we are so stupid grossly all over each other. We still have fights and silent times. But it's so much better. 

We have remembered we are best friends and really re forged our bond together against others.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> So your advice is we should all conclude how foolish we are and give up our endeavor.


If you're already married and it's working, then don't give up. But if it's beyond repair, know when to pull the plug and cut your losses and don't do it again!

The failure rate of subsequent marriages after the first one is exponentially greater.



OMGWHATNEXT said:


> Don't know why your here.


Of course you don't, I haven't given a reason.



OMGWHATNEXT said:


> I thought this was a place to learn about marriage, not give up on it.


It's a place to "talk about marriage", that doesn't mean it has to be positive talk.



Goldmember357 said:


> Its true trust me. Half of marriages or a little over or under half fail aka lead to divorce and all that drama. Another good portion of them that do not fail are filled with unhappiness. Its wishful thinking to look outside see a married couple and believe that divorce, infidelity and or abuse of some sort is not in their present or in their future life.


Quoted for truth.

The statistics don't lie.

Marriage as a concept is, with rare exception, an abyssmal failure.


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## MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 (Aug 6, 2012)

I'm sorry but I can't help myself. A lawyer saying he has a low view of people? I find that funny considering how most people feel about lawyers. Not to mention when one chooses to practice divorce law they aren't exactly cheering for marriage success.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Just a thought I wanted to share. 

If you are looking to avoid the financial loss, I don't think marriage makes a difference. 

If you are looking to keep from hurting, I don't think it is possible unless you just keep having sex with new people and no relationship whatsoever. 

I think you would need to live in a big city to do that and not run out of partners. 

Not sure but sounds like it could be really lonely with no one to share your love.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

MAKINGSENSEOFIT2 said:


> I'm sorry but I can't help myself. A lawyer saying he has a low view of people? I find that funny considering how most people feel about lawyers. Not to mention when one chooses to practice divorce law they aren't exactly cheering for marriage success.


You can bet your marriage license that a divorce lawyer has a better handle of the true divorce statistics than the average person saying their vows on any given day.


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## LoveYourself (Aug 19, 2012)

I think marriage is a beautiful celebration of people who love each other and its an excellent settlement or commitment if your having children. 

But people look at me like I have five heads when I suggest the idea that maybe it's more natural to lovingly let a relationship run it's course without clinging to each other just like you would hopefully with friendships


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

LoveYourself said:


> I think marriage is a beautiful celebration of people who love each other and its an excellent settlement or commitment if your having children.


Ideally, this is how marriage should be. But statistically I don't think many marriages are anything like this. 

It takes a lot of morality, ethics, hard work, consideration, selflessness, care and tolerance, for a marriage to be truly happy. Since my wife cheated on me, I've read a lot about infidelity and abuse in marriage. It'd extremely common. And that's just the really bad stuff. I'm certain there's a whole lot more marriages that haven't suffered that extremity, but still don't work.

I say good for those who have a great marriage, but if I leave my CW, I'll never consider marriage again.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I think to base ones relationships on statistics... is just setting oneself up for failure. To me.. that's like giving up before you even start...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Izzie (Aug 17, 2012)

I'm surprised at how defensive everyone is in this post  I am not going by posts on this site because I've only been on it for a few days and I don't follow "statistics". 

You all are going to HATE my comment because I honestly don't know any happily married couples except for myself and it's only been 5 years. Many people who SAY they are happy are not, they are just content. There is a huge difference. They have gotten too old and fat to score anyone else and their spouse puts up with their crap. So they're happy. I think the institution of marriage is extremely unrealistic and overrated, at least in 90% of the cases. Infidelity and divorce stats aren't the proof. Just look at your married friends and family! After 20 years do they speak to each other? Have sex? Even if you as the individual are happy and in love after 15 plus years, there's a great chance your spouse is not, you just don't know it yet, or there is cyber cheating or emotional affairs... People don't like to admit they aren't happy. It is seen as failure. Especially when you throw children into the mix. It's easier to just shut up and deal.

To answer the question, I think people get married mostly for religious reasons. The "happily married" folk are usually religious and that's what you are supposed to do no if ands or buts. God joins the man to the woman and they are to be equally yolked. Society expectations and romantic movies are also to blame. The love story always ends in marriage. It should BEGIN there.

I have ONE positive comment about marriage and it is that I feel it is an excellent institution for children. We have a 2 and 4-year-old and I enjoy giving them two loving parents and a stable household. We all share the same last name. We are a family. Other than that, if one doesn't want a family, I don't see the point. You could do like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. If after 10 years you still love each other then get married.

So glad for this post. It is very raw and REAL. I ask myself this question every single day.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

Vegemite said:


> Ideally, this is how marriage should be. But statistically I don't think many marriages are anything like this.
> 
> *It takes a lot of morality, ethics, hard work, consideration, selflessness, care and tolerance, for a marriage to be truly happy.* Since my wife cheated on me, I've read a lot about infidelity and abuse in marriage. It'd extremely common. And that's just the really bad stuff. I'm certain there's a whole lot more marriages that haven't suffered that extremity, but still don't work.
> 
> I say good for those who have a great marriage, but if I leave my CW, I'll never consider marriage again.


This is so true, but in reality people do the opposite.

1] Morality. Instead of being a datum,morals have now become subjective to all different sorts of considerations.

2]Ethics . Nobody likes to be told what to do. Indiscipline and egotism reigns supreme.

3]Hard Work. Who wants to work hard when there's internet porn , facebook chats and instant messaging?

4]Consideration. Consideration involves thinking. People rather die than think.In fact many of them so do.

5]Selflessness . This one is self explanatory.

6]Care . Who gives a sh!t?

7]Tolerance . We live in an era where its fashionable to curse anything we disagree with,including the Gods.

So how in heaven can we expect a marriage to work ? A marriage takes all that you have mentioned,
And lots more.
In my humble opinion,
Marriage is not for everybody.

When one applies for a job as a teacher , police officer , fireman or whatever, in addition to qualifications,some sort of psychometric testing is done.

So what about marriage?
Process = Results.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I for one.. do not consider marriage.. or a committed relationship as a "happily ever after" deal. I am religious... as in.. I'm wiccan. I know I can't be the only one here who realizes marriage is hard work as is being in a committed relationship. I believe.. that one should put their best foot foreward when entering a lifelong relationship... as with anything else that takes being committed too. What baffles me is those who divorce or end the relationship because .. say... the spouse lied about how many partners they had. Well ... who doesn't lie? No one is perfect and yes there will be hard times but geesh... 

I do think a lot of people put way to much expectations of marriage being drama free.... and when they discover its not... they decide to call quits which would explain the high divorce rate. I think there is a lot of unrealistic expectations when it comes to marriage. People seem to forget that its about teamwork...with each partner having the others back. 


As for open marriages... umm those ... I really don't understand... but to each their own I guess...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> I understand your view and how your occupations didn't bring you in contact with many happily married couples.. and the population of this site is a bit skewed too.
> 
> We have all heard those stats. I don't disagree, but I've yet to see the data. We're together 40 years, married 37, according to you by now divorce, infidelity or abuse should have happened, yet it hasn't. Can it? Of course. Will it? Not probable. My point is even at a fifty percent divorce rate, your conclusion is the rest of us are just wishful thinking and fooling ourselves? I prefer to think not. IMHO


:scratchhead:?

If you do not disagree with the statistics which are based around truth and you can come to a conclusion of them being "fact'. So i ask than how can you state that your marriage should of failed? Did it occur to you that perhaps you are in the lucky percentile and that you are likely of high intelligence and or a sound decision maker?. Very likely ( i assume) you are a planner you are optimistic and you likely have a man who shares the similar characteristics. If your marriage is how you say it is than one's premise could be that you have a "consummate love" the "true love" you have commitment, intimacy and passion. If a couple ever has all 3 parts you have the "true love" and your love will never die. 


My premise is this! 

Most people should not marry because they are to narcissistic, self centered, childish and not aware of their own feelings in addition there own blindness prevents them from seeing who it is that they are dating/married to! This will ultimately lead to failure unless they have a consummate love. Marriage will fail for 50-60% and a good portion of those who stay married surely will have some form of abuse or infidelity issue at some time. All one must do is look at the infidelity rates for those who stay married! its not uncommon for someone to be cheated on come in want a divorce than decide last minute they dont wont to be left alone so they stay. 


I never said you are fooling yourself though i believe MOST people are fooling themselves. You are in the percentile that i speak highly of. You got what you put out and you are a smart woman.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I think to base ones relationships on statistics... is just setting oneself up for failure. To me.. that's like giving up before you even start...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree

But one should take note of them. I think all people should basically grow up and take a psychology course or something. I mean i feel i can read people rather well and i am a planner i think everything through. So i have never had these drama relationship failures or drama in marriage that so many people have. If more people thought things through it would help.


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## Vegemite (Apr 12, 2012)

Goldmember357 said:


> I agree
> 
> But one should take note of them. I think all people should basically grow up and take a psychology course or something. I mean i feel i can read people rather well and i am a planner i think everything through. So i have never had these drama relationship failures or drama in marriage that so many people have. If more people thought things through it would help.


The psychology course might help the one's who are commited, but would only make a narcissist more dangerous. I've learnt a lot about psychology and reading people since my wife cheated on me 2 years ago. Trouble is, you can't turn back time.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Goldmember357 said*: Most people should not marry because they are to narcissistic, self centered, childish and not aware of their own feelings in addition there own blindness prevents them from seeing who it is that they are dating/married to! This will ultimately lead to failure unless they have a consummate love.





> Did it occur to you that perhaps you are in the lucky percentile and that you are likely of high intelligence and or a sound decision maker?. Very likely ( i assume) you are a planner you are optimistic and you likely have a man who shares the similar characteristics. If your marriage is how you say it is than one's premise could be that you have a "consummate love" the "true love" you have commitment, intimacy and passion. If a couple ever has all 3 parts you have the "true love" and your love will never die.


 Me & my husband were never the partying type, we were "planners" from the very beginning... had our feet on the ground, we saved our $$, worked hard, accually one could say we were pretty BORING in our teens-early 20's, our heads were in our future together -how exactly to build that "firm foundation"...so as the years progressed, it would get easier...and this is pretty much how it has played out for us.... Much sacrifce in the early years.... but we had LOVE at every turn.. I couldn't say we ever fit in with the normal crowd in High school --because we were both very mature minded...while others were just "living it up" / living in the moment. 

I'd say our Wildest time... having some of that FUN we might have missed in our teens ...was in our 40's.. but yet, we still did it all together -hand in hand.









Now that we have our own kids growing up... a similar age as we met (me -15, him -18)...we can see how they are following in our footsteps. Just very responsible Teens... with a good head on their shoulders. Our 2nd son tells us he doesn't fit in with alot of kids his age ...he complains the majority are "I..D..I..O..T..S"....makes me laugh sometimes. We so enjoy the friends our 2 boys bring home though, generally the Good kids, the smart ones. 

Our 2nd son has a GF at 15, going on almost a yr now, both are very sound minded, I have a feeling it really could "last" for them - reminds us so much of ourselves at that age , Her dad loves our son- even encourages their relationship -- we love her. We do moniter them though. 

Honestly, we've never felt "DOOM"... we both felt we "enhanced" the others life....I know it Helps we are both the "*Hopeless Romantic "*type (rarely do people mention this but I believe this plays a role in how we view LOVE, intimacy,







keeping those romantic Fires burning)....they say people like this are higher in vasopressin & oxytocin (the cuddle chemical). 

We shared the same dreams, beliefs, goals, our love languages in sinc (time & touch on top for both of us)....We've always been each others best friend.









We are both Givers...we almost have a need to "give" ... but of course we want to recieve too! We enjoy the sharing, to have someone to hold every night, wake up to every morning, come home too after work, this is BLISS for us...we crave the togetherness...(I told my husband this a # of times, he is the only person who doesn't get on my nerves after spending tons of time together -and he says the same about me...we just "fit") ...we both wanted a larger family, we are both Homebodies... We've never taken a vacation without the other, wouldn't even want too -we'd miss the other! 

He was never the type to hang with the guys, which I have appreciated. I never wanted a man like that. I run to him over my girlfriends if I need to talk, he prefers it this way, amazing listener. Some men might find that a pain in the a$$... not mine. 

When we met, his friends became my friends, my friends became his friends...And communication...it's E V E R Y T H I N G . We still have some conflict now & then but our issues have always been on a smaller scale, and we never let the sun go down on our anger... 

After we married, I recall us having a conversation.... we couldn't understand WHY so many people always say it gets worse, all goes downhill after you marry...cause for us... we felt it just got BETTER... I'd say our love in our 40's has been the most passionate yet. 

I am not trying to paint a brighter picture than it was either... truly this IS how we felt. Of course we made some mistakes along the way - who doesn't ! We had a few hardships come upon us (yrs of Secondary infertility)...in hindsight we can see where we both could have handled some things differently during that time. Then we had another 5 kids in 10 yrs (but this is what we wanted so not complaining)....I took my husband "for granted" for a time, too much into the babies one after the other....but even in that, he was still my best friend, my lover, the one I ran too always. Every love song on the radio, it is him I thought of, our life together. 

So even in our dryer times..... we've never wanted another, questioned who we married, or wanted to run away -feeling we would have been better alone, or with another. 








We'd do it all over again in a heartbeat.









We dread the day our "Fairy tale" ends.. this has literally brought tears to our eyes- just talking about it...My husband is a very sensitive man, but I love that! Life is just a vapor. We're here, then we are gone, enjoy it for all you can, and whatever you do, find someone compatible to share the ride with. 

My Thread down below is what I plan to teach every one of my children about Life, Love & Harmony within a marraige -finding a partner that accually enjoys you & compliments our personality is HUGE HUGE HUGE, and never forget physical attraction --it is like the glue. This is our best shot at lasting happiness...


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## Tikii (Jun 21, 2012)

Gaia said:


> I think to base ones relationships on statistics... is just setting oneself up for failure. To me.. that's like giving up before you even start...
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I absolutely agree. Others statistics and failures never had any place in our decision to marry. We married after less than a year together, and have been married nearly five years( yes, I know it has been relatively short, but it's still an amazing marriage).
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bemaha (Mar 16, 2009)

I grew up in a house of all men (my mom died when I was 5). I idealized women until I started dating them, and then I realized that everyone pretty much sucks, incuding me. So that's the reason why marriage usually doesn't work. Because everyone sucks. But therapy can help that. At least a little bit. So maybe some marriages that would otherwise fail can be saved. But probably not. The statistics speak volumes. As far as my marriage goes, I give it another day or so, tops. I lied to her once, now she hates me and will never foregive me. So here we go. Another statistic.


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## bemaha (Mar 16, 2009)

I read my last post and realized that I didn't answer the question: "why do people marry?". Here's my answer: Because we are all looking for validation that we don't suck, and hopefully the person we choose to marry will somehow prove to us that we don't suck, but ultimately every last one of us sucks and so we are a bunch of suckers just depending on one another to prove we don't suck. Which just doesn't work at all.


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

Because I’m human. As such, and to be a better human, I do not believe in letting my fears dictate my decisions. So many things can go wrong in life, including marriages. So, when you find that someone you truly believe you would want to spend the rest of your life with... Why not? What are you scared of? 

I will make leaps of faith because that is what I believe in. I’d rather say I did and failed, rather than never knowing and always having a Plan B... Embrace life’s potential, don’t run from it because you aren’t assured of an outcome.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

My mom does not believe in marriage. She was raised in a loving 2 patent household. Both of my grandparents were married before kids and they married for love. 

My grandfather adored my grandmother. He loved on his kids too. 

So somewhere she got this thought marriage is slavery and you don't need a man. You can just lay with some guy and have a baby. Then discard them. 

I don't know. She's nuts. She is a single parent and did date here and there. These were some decent guys IMO. 

She said they wanted to marry her and have sex, so she stopped calling them. WTF????

I think she's asexual. She dosent know what is going on with her, and just decided marriage is evil to justify herself. 

No big deal to me, but don't put your bullsh!t on me. That is fundamentally fvcked up. 

She wanted me to dump my husband after we had a baby. Not because we were teenagers having kids but because he had out lived his usefulness. 

Time for the d!ck to go and the 3 of us women can go on with our lives. Besides if you stay with him he will only want more sex. Not because of more kids. No because he is a man with a penis and therefor the worst person on the face of the earth. 

I looked at her like she sprouted 3 heads. I said that's the point of a functioning relationship. 

It was her turn to look at me like I sprouted 3 heads. 

She still makes snide remarks like why do you need to check in with him before you go somewhere, why does he get final say in matters, aren't you a grown woman who cares if some man is hurt or upset. 

I just point out I like living in doors. I like being in a relationship. We have rules in our marriage. Secretly I like having sex so. 

At one point she told me if I wanted another baby just get another guy. Thanks mom. Just what I want to be a walking/talking cliche a young poor black woman with 2/3 baby daddies. 

*sigh* 
She tried to push her bullsh!t onto my kid by saying men are good for nothing except makin babies. I told her she was about to get her jaw rocked and if I ever hear that bullsh!t come outta her mouth again than she will have to deal with one very upset black man. 

She has kept it zipped ever since. But she really didn't understand why I was upset. After all sister solidarity and all. 

She needs some counciling.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

People get married because they love each other (or they think they do) at the time of marriage. Over the years people change. Your out look on life changes. I am 34 now and I don't think the same as I did when I was 19.

I don't think people should be able to marry until they are in late 20's early 30's. I had my first baby at 15. I grew up way to fast! Even though i was mature enough to take on marriage. I really wish I would have waited much longer to tie the knot.

I met my husband at 18. We were married shortly after my 19th birthday. WE were together 8 months then got married, don't ask me what I was thinking at the time, being with him for such a short period of time.

If this one does not work out. I will never marry again.. And i do mean NEVER!


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## HopelesslyJaded (Aug 14, 2012)

Pandakiss said:


> My mom does not believe in marriage. She was raised in a loving 2 patent household. Both of my grandparents were married before kids and they married for love.
> 
> My grandfather adored my grandmother. He loved on his kids too.
> 
> ...


There may be little details about the grandparents and such that she never told you. Little family secrets.

But it sure isn't right of her to push her beliefs on you and especially your babies!


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

There are so many reasons to marry.

The first one being that while marriages have an almost 50% divorce rate, many have are successful. Also the split rate of defacto relationships is higher. 

Another is because you believe in commitment. Even if you had a marriage end, that's no reason to become bitter about life IMO.

Another is to not punish your new partner because of what has happened in the past. I am not going to hold against someone I love and a new relationship, tainting it and not giving it a chance because of what has happened in the past or because of what other people have done to me. It may make me more wary, however I'd like to think I learned a lot too, and now I have new tools for having a healthy and far greater relationship.

And lastly LOVE. I believe in love. I want someone who loves me enough, that they will be committed to me through thick and thin, and I them. Someone who proudly will marry me in front of our nearest and dearest and who wants the same things in life as me.


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## Pandakiss (Oct 29, 2010)

Phoenix2012 said:


> What happened with her and your father?



He stayed with his wife and continued to cheat. I have 1 full brother. But due to the selfishness of our parents we haven't spoken or seen one another since 89/90. 

I have other half siblings I suppose. 

My dad (sperm donor) has adult children age 30 when I was small. 

Yes I'm a product of an affair. No my mom wasn't young. She was of sound mind of almost 30. 

I was never the product of love, but selfishness and self validation...in other words she wanted a girl. 

Someone who would do what she wanted and carry out her self bullsh!t propaganda. 

Then was upset I wanted to be with dun dun a man. And I didn't want to live a cat lady life.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Goldmember357 said:


> I advice everyone to just date for 10 years than marry otherwise you are playing a huge gamble and most people are not mature enough mentally to know how to read others or understand their own feelings.
> 
> I am not trying to be mean i am trying to understand why everyone is suffering and its all because they married someone and are stuck or feel stuck. Had you not done this it could of been prevented


So only those who get married suffer?? Really?? It sounds like you're saying, be intimate emotionally and physically for a DECADE but if you don't get married then breaking up after ten years won't cause you to suffer. Right. AND back to the real world...


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