# Family don't like my wife



## hunter

I have been with my wife for 8 years, been married for 5. Since shortly after we started dating, my wife kept saying that my family doesn't like her but I didn't believe her because I didn't want to see it. I finally started seeing what she was seeing and we tried many times to resolve it. We talked to my family, we tried very hard but they just don't want to accept and like her. My wife did absolutely nothing wrong, she has been nothing but nice to them and all she wanted was to be accepted.

Well, last year my niece, who I used to be close too, found out she was pregnant and they never told us about it. They even had a baby shower that my wife was not invited to. When she found out, she confronted them and asked why she was not included and was told right out that they don't like her so why would they invite her? I flipped a lid over this and have not spoken to my sister or her family since that happened. My parents where all a part of this but since they are my parents, I keep contact with them but I keep my wife away from it all.

For the holidays, I've been going over a day or two before the the holiday to visit my mom & dad so that I am not leaving my wife sit at home by herself on the day of the holiday. Well, today I called to see if they will be home on Friday so I can visit my mom for Mothers Day because I will not leave my wife sit home alone on Sunday because it is also her Mother's Day and my dad got on the phone and chewed me out for not coming over on Sunday. He tells me that I will only have one mother but I can have 10 wives and my mother should come first???? I just can't believe what I'm hearing! My wife is not supposed to count for anything, I should only focus on my mother who has been so disrespectful to my wife.

I will go over on Friday and stick to my guns on this. I just have to dig my heels in and not let them control me anymore. 

Does it ever get any easier?


----------



## Mom6547

If I were you, I would sit them down and tell them that you are a package deal. No wife, no you. No kids, no nothing.


----------



## Syrum

You are doing the right thing. You should tell your dad that the point is that you want a long happy marriage to ONE wife. You love her and to you she is irreplaceable and the family you built with her is the most important to you. 

Tell them you love them and want them in your life but will not put up with any one who would disrespect your wife.


----------



## hunter

That is what my wife said too. I always try to passify things though to keep everyone happy.


----------



## hunter

We don't have any kids together. We have a 17 year old son from her first marriage that my parents said is not family and he's not their grandson. But then would give him cards signed grandma and grandpa?? This year, he didn't even get a card for his birthday.


----------



## Mom6547

Honestly, if I were your wife, I would not be pleased that you were still visiting with them. If it were me, as I said, married couples are a package deal. Want a visit from the son? You need to accept the son's WIFE.


----------



## hunter

I have a lot of respect for my wife because she has put up with a lot over the years. Yes, my ear has gotten a beating many times but she really has put up with a lot from me and them! 

She is ok with me visiting on days that don't interfere with us so I think I will tell my parents that until they can accept and include her and show her respect, this is the way it will be. I have a feeling this is going to get ugly as my parents insist I put them first.


----------



## Mom6547

hunter said:


> I have a lot of respect for my wife because she has put up with a lot over the years. Yes, my ear has gotten a beating many times but she really has put up with a lot from me and them!
> 
> She is ok with me visiting on days that don't interfere with us so I think I will tell my parents that until they can accept and include her and show her respect, this is the way it will be. I have a feeling this is going to get ugly as my parents insist I put them first.


You are a grown man. They cannot insist on anything.


----------



## hunter

They like to give guilt trips and I guess my biggest fear is being written out of their life because I've seen them do it before. But, then again, I already have been....

Thanks for the advice! I feel better knowing that I am doing the right thing by standing up for my wife and my marriage.


----------



## Mom6547

hunter said:


> They like to give guilt trips and I guess my biggest fear is being written out of their life because I've seen them do it before.


I guess the question I would ask myself is why I would want to be in the lives of such jerks. But that is me.


----------



## hunter

I guess it's just hard to walk away from your parents. Then when my dad tells me that my mom won't be around for much longer, it weighs on me. 

Another small detail is that I didn't get married and move out until I was 32 years old so I guess my mother thought I belonged to her and only her... hence the reason she doesn't like my wife... she took me away from my mother!


----------



## Mom6547

Sorry to sound maybe mean, hunter. But you need to grow up. Not taking crap from your parents is part of growing up. What THEY think is not important to grown ups.


----------



## hunter

Not mean at all. It's exactly what my wife has told me!


----------



## Mrs.G

Syrum said:


> You are doing the right thing. You should tell your dad that the point is that you want a long happy marriage to ONE wife. You love her and to you she is irreplaceable and the family you built with her is the most important to you.
> 
> Tell them you love them and want them in your life but will not put up with any one who would disrespect your wife.


:iagree: Your wife is number one, not your mother. We keep my family out of the loop because they make comments about my husband's race. It's unacceptable behaviour.


----------



## DanF

Tell them all at the same time, "My wife and immediate family is my number one priority. I will love and support my wife above all others. If any of you can't support me in this and accept my wife as part of OUR family, then this is goodbye.
I'm waiting for an answer..."

Do not give a chance to beg, reason with you, cajole. If anyone begins with , "But...", Stop them and tell them, "Yes or no. I need to hear it now."


----------



## Mom6547

DanF said:


> Tell them all at the same time, "My wife and immediate family is my number one priority. I will love and support my wife above all others. If any of you can't support me in this and accept my wife as part of OUR family, then this is goodbye.
> I'm waiting for an answer..."
> 
> Do not give a chance to beg, reason with you, cajole. If anyone begins with , "But...", Stop them and tell them, "Yes or no. I need to hear it now."


:iagree:


----------



## Runs like Dog

I married HER, didn't CHOOSE you. Take it, leave it, pound your head on a wall. Makes no which never mind to me. You'll always be my parents but if you and her need my kidney, you're coming in 2nd or 3rd.


----------



## starsandrocketsgrl12

I am sorry that your family is acting that way. However, you need to stand up to them and say if you aren't going to accept my wife and treat her like family, you wont hear from me again. She is now your number one priority and you shouldn't care about what your parents think.


----------



## Mrs.G

hunter said:


> I guess it's just hard to walk away from your parents. Then when my dad tells me that my mom won't be around for much longer, it weighs on me.
> 
> Another small detail is that I didn't get married and move out until I was 32 years old so I guess my mother thought I belonged to her and only her... hence the reason she doesn't like my wife... she took me away from my mother!


You were a mama's boy who was never independent. As a result, your mother is enmeshed with you. My eldest bro has the same problem; he moved out young but continued to run to our mother will ALL of his problems. Much to _his chagrin_, he is single and childless at 42. 

My family is just as manipulative as yours; dysfunctional families use guilt and death as a way force their hand. DO NOT FALL FOR THE GAMES. If they are this mean, you do not need them anyway. I miss my family, but I don't need their abuse and controlling BS. My mother will not ruin my marriage with her unpleasant and racist nonsense. I am a wife before I am a daughter. 

This will be a test of your maturity-are you going to stay a mama's boy or grow up and stop letting Mommy control you?


----------



## shrkchsr

I can only hope that my future husband sees it one day, too. Thank you for sticking by your wife. My future sister-in-law is so nasty, I am ready to call off the wedding!


----------



## stoney1215

my mother always told me " whats right is right and whats wrong is wrong " . and you sir were wrong ! you have made it acceptable for your family to treat your wife the way they have .

it was your responsibility to address what your family was doing and to tell them that they were wrong . if they did not change their behavior than you should have stuck with your wife and not associated with them . 

you let the excuse of oh they are my parents show them that their behavior was ok and also show your wife that she did not have your support . you should be twice as hurt as your wife . it is your family that is doing this not just to her but to you as well . stand with your wife . your family is wrong and you should not accept it .


----------



## KI0159

hunter said:


> I have a lot of respect for my wife because she has put up with a lot over the years. Yes, my ear has gotten a beating many times but she really has put up with a lot from me and them!
> 
> She is ok with me visiting on days that don't interfere with us so I think I will tell my parents that until they can accept and include her and show her respect, this is the way it will be. I have a feeling this is going to get ugly as my parents insist I put them first.



Although not ideal but perhaps you are always just going to have to keep your wife separated from the rest of your family.

If its been this way for years then even if a truce was made I think a lot of tension would still be there. Again I know its not ideal but may be your wife is more comfortable not seeing them. Stop taking the guilt trips, they cant get it all their way. Did they think you would never leave and have your own family?

You are trying so hard to please your parents, I think you should stop doing this. Please dont listen to your Dad saying your Mom isnt always gonna be here........none of us are. We dont know whats ahead of us. You are trying to make the best of the situation that your parents have put you in and its still not good enough for them. They need to respect you too!

If you were my husband I'd be really proud of how you are dealing with your parents and that you are putting your wife first.


----------

