# Can I be forgiven



## InNeedofForgiveness09 (Sep 28, 2009)

My husband is planning on taking another woman to dinner and a movie on friday night. Mind you that they have been texting back and forth for a month. My husband has 1000 text messages. He's used only 30 on me...... 
Sex is ok... not the greatest as I have never liked sex. It just does absolutely nothing for me. But I give him oral sex on demand. (yes i mean that literally) 
We have a history of arguing about trust issues that started because he was emailing his ex girl friend behind my back saying that he wanted her back, but didnt see how it would work out.... Our fights were pretty intense. He decided he didnt want to associate with any of his old friends (most of them female) I told him not to do this several times..... but once his mind is made up there is no changing it. He did this over a year ago.
He blames me for alot of bad things happening to him... 
1.) Having kids
2.) Having him lose jobs (daycare problems, then i got sick etc)
3.) We both started school at the same time, then he had to stop so that he could get a job. ( we were both looking but he found one first) But I told him he could still go to school.
4.) He lost all of his old friends (mind you I told him NOT to do this) 
I do have a problem of not being a "traditional woman". by that I mean I do not like to cook or clean so he blames me for that. 
He told me he is going to see this woman regardless if I like it or not and that he spoke to several women about this and that im just a jealous *****.
I have gotten down on my hands and knees and begged him not to leave me. Its not that I cant live without him, I dont even want to try. 
To top it off my kids dont listen to me so he looks at me as a bad mom for that. Basically Im just one F*cked up woman in his eyes.
Can this marriage be saved? Is there anything I can do to regain his love? Thanks for your replies, sorry if this is long.


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## Loving Husband (Aug 3, 2009)

I saw the sex comment about never liking sex and that's huge. That would be major issue.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Your husband is going on a date and you're just jealous? Hardly. Put the shoe on the other foot and how would he respond?

Question though -- did he know that you didn't like sex and that you didn't cook or clean when he married you? 

I didn't notice any mention of love between you, either. YOu said you can't live without him but you didn't say you love him.

Why don't your kids listen to you? Do they listen to him? 

What do you do if you're not doing the more traditional things that a wife does? Has he always been upset that you don't do these things?

If my husband took another woman out on a date, he would not be welcome when/if he returned. Married men don't get to date. Period. They don't get to carry on other relationships that involve emotional affairs or physical affairs. And your husband is having one or both.

Can this marriage be saved? Not with his attitude.


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## InNeedofForgiveness09 (Sep 28, 2009)

Yes I told him I didnt like to clean and cook before marriage.
I love him to pieces, I just sick of all the hostility in our marriage.
My kids listen to him sometimes, but they never listen to me... People say i need to be more loud, but that doesnt work and I dont want to sound like a screaming lunatic...
I go to school to become a health information technologist, and go to work after school. (work-study)
Husband has a job during the day as kids are in daycare. I have 3 kids... 3 year old, 2 year old, and a 1 year old, and one on the way 8 weeks. I like sex, but I just dont think its all what it is cracked up to be


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

If you don't have control over such small children, you obviously require some parenting classes. Do the work and get those kids in line. It is ridiculous that an adult can't handle 3 small children. 

And I'm not sure I'd like sex if I cranked out babies every year, either. Do you guys use birth control?

Honestly, this sounds like two very unprepared people making children at an alarming rate. 

You need to get control of your family.
You need to learn to cook and clean. I'm sorry but with that number of children, do you expect them to eat out every night or eat junk food? And a clean environment is important. I don't care if you don't like it. Who the hell does?

BTW, anyone who said to get louder to get your kids in control isn't exactly up for parent of the month, either.

How old are the two of you?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

Time to set up some boundaries for your children and your husband.

The marriage can be saved if you and your husband are willing to do the work.

If you need help setting boundaries, then perhaps seeing a counselor to help you with those issues. I am sure that your self esteem in the pits as well.

Start off helping yourself. When you start feeling better about you...you may rethink about whether or not you need/want him.


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## chuckf75 (Sep 6, 2009)

Does he love you? If so, try to work it out but there can be no dating. I agree you don't have to yell to raise kids, just give consequences for bad behavior and FOLLOW THROUGH ON THEM. They will get in line or live an uncomfortable life! Read a book called the 5 Love Lanuages. For me, a woman who does not like sex (that much) or does not take care of the house would not meet my needs but you need to figure out what yours and his are.


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## InNeedofForgiveness09 (Sep 28, 2009)

We are 23, and 24. Dont get me wrong, I do clean, but when I do, the house gets messed up again in no time at all. My husband loves me but is not "in love with me" (his words) the only reason he is staying is because of the kids. I dont think he would have a problem getting someone if we divorced, but I would. Im just not that great of a woman. That has nothing to do with self esteem, just what I am told repeatedly by every man Ive ever known with a few exceptions. Maybe I wasnt born with the woman gene, I dont know, but im so sad and depressed right now. right now my husband is talking to his girlfriend in the kitchen..... ugh i disgust myself sometimes.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

Hang up the phone on him and tell him NOT IN MY HOUSE.


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## InNeedofForgiveness09 (Sep 28, 2009)

We are 23, and 24. Dont get me wrong, I do clean, but when I do, the house gets messed up again in no time at all. My husband loves me but is not "in love with me" (his words) the only reason he is staying is because of the kids. I dont think he would have a problem getting someone if we divorced, but I would. Im just not that great of a woman. That has nothing to do with self esteem, just what I am told repeatedly by every man Ive ever known with a few exceptions. Maybe I wasnt born with the woman gene, I dont know, but im so sad and depressed right now. right now my husband is talking to his girlfriend in the kitchen..... ugh i disgust myself sometimes.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

We can work on you and get you to where you need to be... but first you need to dump this guy. You need to do it. It will be one of the most liberating moments of your life. 

Nobody should live under those conditions. He's a smarmy jerk. DUMP HIM. If he wants a GF he can move out. You don't need a man who is only staying for the kids. And believe me, you'll replace him with a better model.


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## Blonddeee (Dec 17, 2008)

It sounds like he's beaten you down emotionally to thinking you aren't worth anything- I'm sure it's hard to keep a house clean with 3 kids and one on the way... i can't imagine  It is not ok how he is treating you- he's not being a man- you say that he can go out and get someone else- they would be stupid to be with a guy that will treat his wife and soon to be 4 kids like that- you deserve someone that treats you better then that... you are worth it and so are your kids. Why do you want to be forgiven? You aren't perfect, but no one is. If he leaves, he's going to be paying child support for 4 children...he isn't going to be able to wine and dine other women like he is now. As far as not liking sex- well if someone demanded oral from me and didn't figure out a way to please me... I don't think i'd be a big fan of it either. Take care of yourself... do something that makes you happy... you need to be happy... he's being very selfish and that's not your fault.


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## Harvard (Aug 11, 2009)

NOT LIKING SEX....that's a deal breaker for most....sorry


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## hideandseek (Sep 21, 2009)

You are doormat, to your husband and your kids. No one can respect that and no one will respond to that. You have to develop yourself and your own self-worth. Then, you will either not care if your jerk of a husband is in love with you or not because you'll have moved on or he will start to respect you and want to be with you. I am speaking from experience.

You need to look into something called the `180` it`s a technique that helps you rebuild your own life and it seems pretty counterproductive but it will either snap him out of it and back into the marriage or it will allow you the strength to move on.

Here is a link: Marriage Builders® Discussion Forums: Divorce busting 180 degree list

It WORKS, trust me. It did bring my husband back to me but after 9 months of trying I realize that he isn`t worthy of me and I can do better!


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Your husband disrespects you and treats you like crap because you tolerate it. I suspect the problems between you run deep and have been present for a while. If your husband isn't interested in staying married I'm afraid there is nothing you can do. Work on yourself and your own issues. Go see a professional therapist and try to work through the issues you describe in your posts. If your marriage doesn't survive at least you will have a better understanding of yourself and will be happier in the long run. Good Luck.


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