# Poll: did you have sex with spouse before marriage?



## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

I had sex with my husband before marriage and I'm just curious how many of you did, and if so, did you regret it? I personally do regret it. Sex is something that's very important to him and from what I remember, he was he one who initiated our first time and I went along with it. I was young, I loved him and knew I wanted to be with him forever so I thought it was pointless to wait. 

I believe that if you want a guy to marry you, sometimes you have to save something for marriage so that he will have an incentive to want to marry you. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? In my case, I gave my husband pretty much everything that a wife could give him without the title. I gave him sex, washed his clothes, made him dinner, did his shopping, packed him lunch for work, and then he would come home and play video games and act like I didn't even exist. And then in the end, I had to pressure him into marrying me.

I can't change the past, I know. So the only thing to really do is try to get over it and learn from your mistakes. Anyone else here ever had to go through the same thing?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I can't see the poll at the top of the page?

But yes, I did.

She was my first (and only) and it was one of the most amazing nights of my life.

We had one child together and a bun in the oven before we got married.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

We did. It was so hot and passionate. She wanted it so bad back then it was nuts. People in the house, risky situations didn't matter. 

Highly recommend it.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

I suppose I was lucky.

Apart from a dry spell mid marriage when the kids were young, compared to some stories I read here we have had a relative bonkathon.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Met first wife at the age of 15, but I was so close to 16 we might as well say I was 16. We finally had sex, at her insistence, believe it or not, when we were long into the relationship. Now, we were just kids. I understand. She was my first. We broke up when I was 17 and didn't get back together until I was nearly 18, if memory serves. I have two children(although I'm not certain of one), to her and two grandchildren to the child I'm not certain is mine. We split ten years after being married by a Justice of the Peace. After the first sexual encounter, there were many more before marriage.

My second wife and I had sex after the second date. I wanted it on the first. I had little to no intention of finding another wife. She said she wanted to wait because she didn't want me to think poorly of her. How things change. Anyway, we lived together and had sex on a regular basis for about two and a half years before marrying upon consideration of her question, "So, are you going to make me a respectable woman?" The correct answer, before I really fell in love with her an learned to rely on and work with her would have been, "Hell no." It's too late for that and I am still trying to stop loving that ghost, recover from the worst breakup known to man from a woman I tried so hard to treat very well and love as I had never loved anyone before.


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## Another Planet (Aug 8, 2012)

Of course I did. Absolutely no regrets.
Sexual compatibility is part of the whole package. I am a very sexual creature so if that doesn't work out the whole deal is off for me.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

Yes I did. No regrets sex is natural like eating or sleeping.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Yup


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

Yes, I did. I don't have regrets either. I wasn't saving myself for my marriage and neither was he. Our sexual compatibility is very good. We've been together for over two decades. 

I'm so tired to the shaming of women who have sex before marriage. It's such an old notion to think a woman who has sex is impure. It goes back to the old days when women were property to be transferred from father to husband. 

In so many other areas of life, be it buying a car or taking a big test to get into college or competition or recital, we don't go into it cold. We try it out, we practice, we go through a mock run, we rehearse. However, when it comes to sex, people who advocate virginity, think that's a great practice to get married as a virgin. .You're expected to forsake all others and get sexual pleasure from ONE person and one person alone for the rest of your married life, but you have no clue if they are bad in bed, prudish, have a strange or disturbing fetish, have an extremely low desire to your high desire...you know none of these things. That's an incredible leap of faith. If you consider how many times a married couple has sex...hundreds of thousands of times in a 30 year marriage...you're putting up all those occasions on the line. And for people who are serious about their religious beliefs, they are even more stuck in the marriage because there aren't any "outs" for bad sex or a sexless marriage. So I think taking someone out for a sexual test run might not be a bad thing.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

kittykatz said:


> I believe that if you want a guy to marry you, sometimes you have to save something for marriage so that he will have an incentive to want to marry you. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?


That sounds manipulative to me. I'm not going to use sex for manipulating a man into marrying me.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

waiwera said:


> Sure did.
> I'm a godless Brit... no religious concerns and I wouldn't marry a man unless I knew we were compatible in bed.
> 
> Before marriage I wanted to see my man at his best and his worst. I want to see him deal with a bad head cold, look for lost car keys when late for an appointment, change a car tyre in the rain and i wanted to know how sexual he was and what he likes in bed.
> ...



We got engaged after we were married.


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## Horizon (Apr 4, 2013)

absolutely


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

No. we did not, dated two years. Don't regret waiting.


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

Yes , after 2 or 3 weeks of kissing and groping.

I don't regret it. It was awesome foreplay.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Yes we did and it was amazing, as it still is 9 years later. We didn't live together before we had marriage plans though, and that's your problem. You gave him everything for free and then instead of simply walking away if he didn't want to make it legal you nagged. Now you have a hb you had to nag. I told my hb that if he didn't want marriage that was ok but I'd find someone else that did. He proposed on his own and even planned most of the wedding; he's planner by nature. I don't think simply withholding sex is going to force anyone to marry you and even if it does you'll get a reluctant groom. I hope you're doing better now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## soulseer (Jul 26, 2013)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Yes, of course. I never would have married without knowing that we were sexually compatible. No regrets.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

We didn't wait, no regrets at all (wasn't thinking of getting married before so there would have been no reason to wait).


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## committed4ever (Nov 13, 2012)

Yes. I was a virgin but that not why I didn't want to though. but he kept on pressuring/seducing me. We didn't live together or sleep together or even get completely naked because it was always in my parents house and we could have got caught. It was very vanilla. 

Kitty I remember some of your earlier post. You didn't seem to have so many negative thoughts about H back then. What has happened to make you present him in such a bad light?


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> I had sex with my husband before marriage and I'm just curious how many of you did, and if so, did you regret it? I personally do regret it. Sex is something that's very important to him and from what I remember, he was he one who initiated our first time and I went along with it. I was young, I loved him and knew I wanted to be with him forever so I thought it was pointless to wait.
> 
> I believe that if you want a guy to marry you, sometimes you have to save something for marriage so that he will have an incentive to want to marry you. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? *In my case, I gave my husband pretty much everything that a wife could give him without the title. I gave him sex, washed his clothes, made him dinner, did his shopping, packed him lunch for work, and then he would come home and play video games and act like I didn't even exist. And then in the end, I had to pressure him into marrying me.*
> 
> ...


The real question is why on Earth did you marry a man that acted like you didn't exist and you had to pressure into marrying you?

If this is a true story then you need to get some help stat!


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## ForBetter (Mar 6, 2012)

We waited, by mutual decision. No regrets.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

We waited at her insistence.

Biggest mistake we ever made. It wasn't until the honeymoon that we discovered we weren't terribly sexually compatible.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

We did and were married 9 months after we met. I don't regret it (we'd both had other partners) but can see I willingly overlooked issues that were going to become problems over time.

I don't hope to be single again - but if I did find myself single I would place compatible sex as a very high priority. Not as high as respect and being a good person, of course, but poor sexual compatibility would be an early dealbreaker.


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## HeartInPieces (Sep 13, 2013)

Yes we did. I was a virgin and I wanted to wait till marriage but didn’t happen. 

I actually my first time was the same night he proposed, One of the best nights of my life. 

No regrets.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Of course. It was important to both of us to make sure we were compatible. We didn't live together before marriage, though.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

We did not although we pushed the envelope and had a great time doing it. That being said the wedding night was a let down at best which is still a surprise to me this day. 

This is kind of complex but I am glad we waited (religious reasons) but if I was in the situation that I was going to marry again I do not believe I would wait. Finding out that we would not be compatible after the fact at this age would be a bit much to take I am afraid.


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## Chelhxi (Oct 30, 2008)

Sex, before, absolutely. No regrets. But as a few others have mentioned, we didn't live together before hand. To us that was the important part. There was no way I was marrying someone without knowing the sex part worked.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & my husband were... quote >> "sexual" for many years before we married - we enjoyed hundreds of simultaneous orgasms by our touching.... but we didn't do oral or go "all the way"....but savoring for our Wedding night ....it was something I promised myself from a young girl...due to my personal beliefs ...(I did break up with him a very short time, he never worried I would go there with another -given my strong convictions). 

We got pregnant 3 months after we married & were thrilled even though we had troubles with my hymen (which was our 1st marital dilemma) ...I had a very rigid one & the Obgyn was ready to schedule surgery... had this happened BEFORE we married, I KNOW I would have had awful regrets/ felt overwhelmed/ worried what was wrong with me....(plus I didn't have insurance at that time).. so in this light..I am happy it played out the way it did...and our son saved me from the operating table.. 

I never had a doubt how he would treat me.. so it wasn't about the "cow & the milk" for me...at least not with this man. 

My husband is not the normal type I suppose as he never pressured me & looking back...he was happy with our pleasure... he said he would do it all over again the same..... 

Me, if I could go back in time...I would have sent him to the moon with oral while dating.... I remember in the beginning thinking "







how in the H are we NOT going to go [email protected]#$ desire was so intense/ dripping!"...but I was just 15 & felt it very wrong at that age....we learned self control in this way...we didn't really know what we were missing ...& our emotional connection grew...so this was good.


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Coffee Amore said:


> That sounds manipulative to me. I'm not going to use sex for manipulating a man into marrying me.


Now that I think about it, maybe you're right. But you have to give the guy some type of incentive to want to marry you... If not sex then what?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

committed4ever said:


> Yes. I was a virgin but that not why I didn't want to though. but he kept on pressuring/seducing me. We didn't live together or sleep together or even get completely naked because it was always in my parents house and we could have got caught. It was very vanilla.
> 
> Kitty I remember some of your earlier post. You didn't seem to have so many negative thoughts about H back then. What has happened to make you present him in such a bad light?


 I'm not intentionally trying to make him look bad. I think he's a good husband... I just have been thinking a lot lately and kind of regretting that I had to pressure him into marrying me. It just makes me wonder what I could have done differently.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## kittykatz (Feb 22, 2013)

Holland said:


> The real question is why on Earth did you marry a man that acted like you didn't exist and you had to pressure into marrying you?
> 
> If this is a true story then you need to get some help stat!


He didn't always act like I didn't exist. Just when he would get off from work, he would sit down and play video games and go to bed. It made me feel ignored.. But I let him know and he put a stop to it eventually. He told me that it wasn't that he didn't want to marry me but that he didn't think it was the right time... But I don't get why it wasn't.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

kittykatz said:


> Now that I think about it, maybe you're right. *But you have to give the guy some type of incentive to want to marry you*... If not sex then what?


I feel if a young woman knows what she wants, as in ...wanting the whole tradition marriage/ being a wife/ kids in tow/ family vacations.....she needs to be very very careful to whom she attaches herself ... not all men want marriage /family today....

Speaking of incentives for men *>>* *>>* http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/38499-male-incentive-marriage.html

I will never forget one poster...what his GF did... she slept with him.. but she refused to spend the night.. that was her boundary.. she told him.. that was only for people who are married.. and he admitted, he got tired of waking up alone...a cold bed... he yearned for that beautiful creature to reach over and hold in the am, make love to her.. so guess what... this led him to want to marry her...and he never looked back.. so there is one example for you... 

I felt she was a very smart woman... It got his attention.. and he stepped up .. realizing how badly he wanted HER too.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

No, I did not wait till marriage. And after reading SIM for this long I don't recommend anyone wait till marriage before they have sex with their intended.

The incentive to want to marry would be to keep this fabulous relationship moving forward. Being adults, we don't need to always have dessert after dinner. As long as we eat a balanced meal, when dessert arrives doesn't matter.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> Now that I think about it, maybe you're right. But you have to give the guy some type of incentive to want to marry you... If not sex then what?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I wouldn't marry someone who needed an 'incentive' to marry me. 

Sex isn't a carrot and men aren't donkeys... Although you will occasionally find one who is a bit of an ass


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Cosmos said:


> I wouldn't marry someone who needed an 'incentive' to marry me.
> 
> Sex isn't a carrot and men aren't donkeys... Although you will occasionally find one who is a bit of an ass


:iagree:
Personally for me the incentive to marry was love, If someone wasn't on the same wavelength as me (or I needed to keep things to ransom for a proposal) then what's the point of getting married to them imo.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

kittykatz said:


> Now that I think about it, maybe you're right. But you have to give the guy some type of incentive to want to marry you... If not sex then what?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


How about unconditional love, that's why you marry someone. We held off but, because of religious reasons. I know he would have still married me even if I had been with others. 

I think there's a deeper issue, than having sex before marriage.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Been following this. I was thinking the same thing as you mablenc. I had to look something up for consideration. I don't claim to know what's wrong, but I don't think taking a look at this will hurt. 

How To Build Self-esteem In Women | LIVESTRONG.COM


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## johnAdams (May 22, 2013)

Yes, we were teenagers. I took it very seriously. My then girl friend said if I told her I loved her I could have sex with her. She was a virgin and I took it very seriously. I was not going to say I love you just to get laid. When I told her I loved her I meant it. It was very special.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

We had sex on our second date. We'd both had horrible prior marriages with little sex, and both wanted to be sure that would never happen again. Sexual compatibility is essential.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

Candidly, I don't think I would marry a woman if we did not have sex before. Just being constantly frustrated is not a good thing, and one should not marry for the purpose of having sex. Kitty wrote, "washed his clothes, made him dinner, did his shopping, packed him lunch for work, and then he would come home and play video games and act like I didn't even exist." 

A lot of men are withdrawn and certainly do not want to do as much talking and sharing as women. And if "movies" are an issue, he may have had some strange ideas about women that were not in a position to address.


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## CouldItBeSo (Mar 11, 2013)

kittykatz said:


> He didn't always act like I didn't exist. Just when *he would get off from work, he would sit down and play video games and go to bed*. It made me feel ignored.. But I let him know and he put a stop to it eventually. He told me that it wasn't that he didn't want to marry me but that he didn't think it was the right time... But I don't get why it wasn't.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's ironic that usually the guys that are heavy video gamers are assumed to be single and are told to "get a life" ie. get a girlfriend/wife, children, job...



kittykatz said:


> Now that I think about it, maybe you're right. But you have to give the guy some type of incentive to want to marry you... If not sex then what?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Tell him you want to marry him...?


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> I had sex with my husband before marriage and I'm just curious how many of you did, and if so, did you regret it? I personally do regret it. Sex is something that's very important to him and from what I remember, he was he one who initiated our first time and I went along with it. I was young, I loved him and knew I wanted to be with him forever so I thought it was pointless to wait.
> 
> I believe that if you want a guy to marry you, sometimes you have to save something for marriage so that he will have an incentive to want to marry you. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? In my case, I gave my husband pretty much everything that a wife could give him without the title. I gave him sex, washed his clothes, made him dinner, did his shopping, packed him lunch for work, and then he would come home and play video games and act like I didn't even exist. And then in the end, I had to pressure him into marrying me.
> 
> ...



Very wise words.

For my wife and I, we never had PIV until after we were married and then she was on birth control first for 6 months just to be safe. But from almost day one dating, she liked to lick my neck, ears and cuddle to my back. When we started getting serious, she was already giving me BJ's and swallowing. That's all we did actually, only BJ's for me. I also had bought everything needed, so when we had our wedding shower, no one could really buy us anything. We are very self sufficient people. We moved in together 1 week before we got married because I didn't want any bad surprises or accidents to occur. Sure enough, my wife got into a car accident and our honey moon was canceled to fix her car, but at least she wasn't hurt. I plan ahead to the extreme. My wife and I both agreed, why date, get involved for many years, live together, have full sex and in the end, not get married? Waste of our lives, money and time. We got married about 6 months after we started seriously dating.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Yes...my wife and I did 'it' before we were married. 

I also think that living together before marriage is very important; does he leave the top off the toothpaste, does she leave wardrode doors and draws wide open?....etc etc
Does she nick all the duvet? Is his 'pee aim' crap and he misses teh bowl?....

When I was dating my wife the sex was frequent if vanilla. She hated touching my bits and never (still to this day) given me oral.
Now its duty sex once a month.

I wish I had been braver back then and walked away...but I wanted 'someone'...she came along and gave me 50% of what I wanted so I leapt at the opportunity.

I feel that sex and living together before marriage is vital. If she (or he!) doesnt do something you really enjoy and love (like oral), say thanks but no thanks and move on, as it will only get worse.
As many posts/therads on TAM proves.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

Yes definitely. I don't know anyone at all who waited. I don't see the point.

My husband married me because he loves me, wants to be with me forever and wants everyone to know we're united.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Going by your train of thought kitty... what was _his_ incentive for you to want to marry him? Or do you see it as a one-way street that the man needs the incentive?

What is the incentive for you both on a daily basis? To me, sharing the daily trials and tribulations and having consideration to your marriage / each other, is inspired through love ...combined with elements such as physical and mental attraction, respect, companionship, sharing joy, being there, helping one another.

We teach others how they can treat us though. How can you stop feeling taken for granted and being a doormat? How do you inspire him to take interest in you? Perhaps you need to take interest in yourself first, while still having consideration for your marriage.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

To answer your question, we had sex before marriage and I was a virgin. He wasn't. 

I'm not religious. I just knew that emotionally, I'd need to share myself with a man who cherished me and who I cherished in return. We had a lot of exploration and foreplay before we had intercourse. Various positions, lots of oral, playfulness, experimenting. I'm thankful for that time. I was able to be free with him because of the trust shared. 

I didn't anticipate getting married, so waiting until after marriage didn't even cross my mind. I knew we were in love and wanted to live my life with him. We lived together for years, our lives fully intertwined before he said those words, "Will you just let me marry you woman?" .....that's not how he proposed, but he has said that. I wanted to be with him regardless of whether we were married or not. The love's still the same in my eyes. I dig being his wife and him being my husband. I'd still be here feeling the same way even if we weren't married though. We've had our disconnecting moments but I just see it as part of our journey and we've learned a hell of a lot.


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## Oldrandwisr (Jun 22, 2013)

My vote is before marriage. There are so many intricacies to a relationship, why have such an important aspect be a surprise package. Some who wait are lucky enough to discover sexual compatibility, but it is a huge gamble.


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## Thunder7 (Jan 2, 2013)

I have not read all for pages. But, to answer the initial questions, yes, I did, and no, no regrets.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Yes I did - absolutely no regrets. Would not change anything if I had it to do over again. Been together 29 years!


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> Now that I think about it, maybe you're right. *But you have to give the guy some type of incentive to want to marry you... If not sex then what?*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's odd that you would have to ask this question, but how about love? Like, he loves you so much that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you by his side, through thick and thin, forsaking all other woman? That would be the incentive.

Any other "incentive" isn't good enough reason to get married.

BTW, I've never waited to have sex. Basically, 2nd or 3rd date, sex happens, and if it's not good, I'm out. IMO, sex is a huge part of any relationship. 

I wouldn't even consider marrying someone I haven't slept with...in fact, I wouldn't even date someone who wanted to wait till marriage. 

I'll add that I wouldn't marry someone I'd only been with for 3 years or less, and I wouldn't marry someone that I hadn't lived with yet. 

I need to know that I can live in the same house with the person I'm making a life-long commitment to. I want to know that they are going to share responsibilities, because I've been burnt before, in my last marriage.

For me, marriage happens after: attraction, dates with great conversation and having fun together, great sex and love, compatible in all areas, enjoying living under the same roof as lovers and best friends, long romance period, engagement. I'm currently in the long romance stage, and we love every day together.

I take marriage very seriously...compatibility is crucial in and out of the bedroom. Marriage is often the most significant contract people ever sign up for, yet they don't understand this until it's falling apart. 

So many married people have frustrating sex lives...I've been there. Won't let it happen to me again.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Bobby5000 said:


> Candidly, I don't think I would marry a woman if we did not have sex before. *Just being constantly frustrated is not a good thing,* and one should not marry for the purpose of having sex.


 One can still touch , not go all the way and not be frustrated.. just saying.. we wasn't...

My husband is not like any of the men on this thread.... I told him (again) if we could go back in time I would have given him BJ's......his feelings were - he is happy with what we did / our boundary... and probably better I didn't go there.. he liked the fact I was the way I was... he even added he might not have looked at me 'in the same light"...if I was doing that to him before we married...

He is not a religious guy either - it's just how he feels about Sex...going all the way and giving our ALL belongs in marriage... He is a rare bird, I'll give you that....but this was our conversation last night...He just wanted to find his soul mate in life...and go on to marry her...experiencing it all together... learning as we go...


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> This sounds a lot like us, except the duty sex once a month is now once a year, if that. Mine gave me a BJ once early on, but never since. We did have somewhat regular sex when dating, and a bit when married early on, but in the past several years, it's dwindled to practically no sex, and she's fine with that.
> 
> As you said, it only gets worse. I would be surprised if in the next ten years, we have sex more than five times (and zero is a distinct possibility).


What a life to look forward to. Accepting it is failing yourself.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

kittykatz said:


> Now that I think about it, maybe you're right. But you have to give the guy some type of incentive to want to marry you... If not sex then what?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


The incentive to marry you is you. A man should marry you because he loves you and wants to commit to spending the rest of his life with you. 

If a man marries you only to get to have sex with you it may turn out once he gets it he'll no longer has any incentive to invest further in the relationship.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MaritimeGuy said:


> The incentive to marry you is you. A man should marry you because he loves you and wants to commit to spending the rest of his life with you.
> 
> If a man marries you only to get to have sex with you it may turn out once he gets it he'll no longer has any incentive to invest further in the relationship.


Men don't marry to be celebate, I don't know any. Sex and intimacy at some moderate level is implied by being married to someone.

My response to this thread is no sex before marriage is a dangerous proposition, because you never know the person could be sexless, or you could have just been a meal ticket, and once you have married them, there is no reason for them to take care of your needs anymore.

In the case of a serious christian which understands that the bible says that you do not deny your spouse copulation, then it will be implied they are having sex with their spouse at a good level upon marriage, and they already understand that as it's part of their religion. The problem is many christians pick and choose which bible verses they are willing to apply. So a serious "christian", could be a staunch believer in that it is not their responsbility to meet their spouses emotional and physical needs, doh!


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Coffee Amore said:


> That sounds manipulative to me. I'm not going to use sex for manipulating a man into marrying me.


Any man who would fall for such a base manipulation isn't worth marrying


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## CalBanker (Oct 8, 2013)

Yes, and I wouldn't change a thing.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

No we were both virgins...didn't have PIV prior to marriage. We did though do just about everything else possible prior to marriage..:-/ probable why I am so much into forplay and it ain't complete if we don't do a BJ befor PIV or as a second round. If I had to do again...would have saved more than just the PIV....not a lot of surprise left for the honeymoon. Hubby had to wait for me to graduadute high school...we dated for 4 yrs. Been married 31 yrs now.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

mineforever said:


> No we were both virgins...didn't have PIV prior to marriage. We did though do just about everything else possible prior to marriage..:-/ probable why I am so much into forplay and it ain't complete if we don't do a BJ befor PIV or as a second round. If I had to do again...would have saved more than just the PIV....not a lot of surprise left for the honeymoon. Hubby had to wait for me to graduadute high school...we dated for 4 yrs. Been married 31 yrs now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I personally do not understand this. You thought it was okay to do everything except PIV?


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

Yep. No regrets.


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## mineforever (Jan 31, 2013)

karole said:


> I personally do not understand this. You thought it was okay to do everything except PIV?


Well yeah we did, gotta remember different genereation. I am a product of the 60's and 70's, the whole free love thing was going on back then. Conservative was not having sex... fooling around was ok as long as you didn't go all the way.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

We had spectacular sex before marriage. If you're going to get any, that's the time to do it. The mouse is unlikely to get a lot of cheese after the trap has sprung.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

unbelievable said:


> We had spectacular sex before marriage. If you're going to get any, that's the time to do it. The mouse is unlikely to get a lot of cheese after the trap has sprung.


That's the entire point. Some of the women know they are doing this. Others don't even know they are doing it, it's their biology.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Who tends to be on their best behavior? An eager applicant arriving for a job interview or a disgruntled employee who's been half-stepping for 10 years?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

ChargingCharlie said:


> Agree, which is why I now take the liberty of revoking my regret at having sex early on in our relationship. This is a valid point, as is Unbelivable's post. Might as well get it when you can, because once the vows are said, that's like a trap door.


I think if their parents had a good sex life and a good portion of their friends have regular sex relations, they may be more prone to do it.

Some of the groups are gold diggers, bait and switchers, manipulative types, it's good to know who you are dealing with.


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## Juicer (May 2, 2012)

Well, I am divorced, but it sex is part of the reason I married my XW. 

I wanted to know that we were sexually compatible. My last girlfriend before my XW was a sexual void. Looking back, sex to her was a tool used to get what she wanted. If I wanted to get laid, and she wanted to go out and have a nice meal, guess what I had to do. 

XW enjoyed sex, and initiated it. Probably what made me fall so hard for her. I was use to a girl that expected me to do some heavy lifting to get a quickie. XW would tackle me the moment I walked in the door after work. 

I won't say it is perfect way to get a guy to fall for you. Guys are different. 
But she didn't use sex to manipulate me, or get something out of me. (might be guessing here) But she saw it as something to be enjoyed, and didn't hold back. 
Sex shouldn't be used as a tool to get a guy to marry you, or to manipulate him to buy you something or take you somewhere. It is something you should both enjoy. If you are using it to get a guy to propose, that is probably not the most stable way to start a marriage.


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## WyshIknew (Aug 18, 2012)

Couple of things.

I don't agree with some of the last posts. That is not the case in all marriages.

We were at it like bunnies when we first got married, went very quiet mid marriage almost sexless, then at it like slightly older bunnies again and still continuing.

Also quite pleased to see so many first timers with their partners, didn't realise there were so many of us!


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Whilst we are dating - serious dating, ie potential marriage stuff, I think we all bonk like bunnies. It might me vanilla but because its all a bit new, go at it hell for leather.

You get married...first few months are much the same...then it dwindles a bit...baby comes along, dwindles more and so on.

By the time we are in our 40's and teh children are mid teens, we should have got into a routine that BOTH are happy with; be it once a week, once a day or twice a month.

The key is if you are both happy with what you are getting.

Very often, particularly reading the posts on TAM, the wife is happy with once a month and can't uderstand how her sexually unsatiable husband wants it once a week. How unreasonable can a husband be?


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## Chris.m (May 15, 2013)

We waited, both virgins on our wedding night. Some light foreplay while dating, but nothing so far as to cause either of us to achieve orgasm. Still having sex 2-3 times a day and not a single regret about waiting.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

karole said:


> *I personally do not understand this. You thought it was okay to do everything except PIV?*


 Not many do... it seems everyone thinks.. it should be *ALL* or *nothing*... Pure as the driven snow... or Banging like Bunny rabbits...or something is amiss. 

I realize you asked Mineforever...but we were very similar ..(minus oral sex)... true back in our day...the good girls held out, we weren't all FREAKS back then, like it would be today...or Prudes worthy of being dumped...or the prevailing viewpoint of many...if she doesn't go all the way = she doesn't love me, she is a waste of my time...DUMP HER -I can get it elsewhere! 

I was a Christian in my teens..or tried to be...no touching at all would have been tormenting to me, no sense having a BF.. couldn't do that, didn't even try... I initiated touching as well... .*He knew I LOVED his touch*, our intimacy grew....some things didn't even need words...we felt it in our bodies....but even higher than my beliefs.... 

THE *ROMANCE* of it *>>* the symbolism of waiting for our 's ...what this represented... like the removing of the Veil...it was almost a spiritual thing...the something NEW for our special day...."all the way sex" IS giving our ALL...representing Forevermore ...my husband TAKING ME (not my boyfriend, but my husband)..I just felt this was worth waiting for. 

The more I read on TAM, the higher my Thankfulness grows for the man I married for understanding me, for caring, trusting in who I was, what I so wanted to GIVE HIM... that I was not out to manipulate him....he never belittled me or trampled how I felt...but cherished it ... 

I believed in some *boundaries* in dating... this was the BIG ONE (no pun intended).... Everyone talks about the test driving, and sexual compatibility ...He knew I loved those orgasms, they came easy.. it's not like his Co** wouldn't fit down the road... even if I needed "reamed out" a bit at 1st... 

I feel the HD/ LD is the biggest concern all men need to worry about here...this is not a little thing....a man could end up feeling in a PRISON after the vows if the woman is Low drive, doesn't like or crave physical touch in this way. 

How many here had the "jumping like bunny rabbits" while dating ...only to have it all fizzle out to a slow trickle after the vows, a baby or 2...can we even equate one = the other....it's just not a guarantee... 

Another compatibility issue ....what if the woman can only get off by Oral, what if he doesn't like it, what if he is the sort of man who is devastated if his new wife can't get off by PIV sex (actually my husband IS this type...my pleasure is his pleasure)...but this was never an issue for me.. I guess we were lucky.... Even from the beginning, we climaxed together nearly every single time... 

We knew we would marry.. we talked about it all the time...with anticipated JOY.....we saved & planned ... this was THE happiest day of our lives (outside of the births of our children) .....like WOW....we are finally going to take vows, his lifting my veil.....Dancing to "Loving you Forever", I cried....







...

But also the sheer Excitement of > "Hot damn, now we can go all the way...OH [email protected]# .. ..how glorious it will be....our love has grown , flourished...and finally.. NOW... in the beauty of this chosen day...we can give to each other fully ~ unabashedly...as it was meant to be ..we officially belong to each other.. kinda like the words to this beautiful song  From This Moment On 

Is this really so crazy...so mindless? (then again, don't answer)

Actually we even lived together for 8 months while I planned our big Wedding...the spiritual meaning for us- it meant that much...the symbolism of becoming ONE with each other / the fusion.. We held this very highly ...











> *mineforever said:* No we were both virgins...didn't have PIV prior to marriage. We did though do just about everything else possible prior to marriage..:-/ *probable why I am so much into forplay *and it ain't complete if we don't do a BJ befor PIV or as a second round.


Plus having some "self control" is a good thing, isn't it.. what happens in marriage if one gets sick, can't do penetration....Can I say...I Freaking LOVE sex (practically addicted -to be honest)... but ya know...I can look back to *our beginnings*...and remind myself...just how satisfied I was with "hands on".. he was damn good at foreplay too, a master... he knew how to get my body to respond - how to revv me up....this was worth something too. 

Just another perspective is all.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

Currently married to my first and only. We had sex after three weeks at her insistence, We were 21 and at the time I didn't think I was ready. I was probably right as it set off a whirlwind of emotions I had trouble dealing with. I don't think I regret it though. No way to tell what would have been different had we waited. I can tell you that I would not be married to my wife though. She would have never put up with a sexless relationship at that time. Funny though, 15 years later a sexless marriage was just fine.  All that's changed now and we are in the midst of a major rekindling of our marriage. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I've only examined page 1 of this thread and I'd greatly predict that it's damn near unanimous.

I am absolutely no exception, with both XW's and it happening extremely quickly within the relationships, say within the first 2 or 3 dates. 

No regrets at the time, but definitely some equivocations about it now!*


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

treyvion said:


> *In the case of a serious christian which understands that the bible says that you do not deny your spouse copulation, then it will be implied they are having sex with their spouse at a good level upon marriage, and they already understand that as it's part of their religion. * The problem is many christians pick and choose which bible verses they are willing to apply. So a serious "christian", could be a staunch believer in that it is not their responsibility to meet their spouses emotional and physical needs, doh!


True believers in tuned with empathy for one another ...genuinely caring for each other's needs....emotional & physical... who understand how to forgive, resolving Conflict as it comes their way.... not allowing *Resentment* to take hold...Isn't this the largest Intimacy killer in marriage *?* ..which can come in any form imaginable.... it sucks all our joy, our desire for each other...

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-ma...l-etc-how-robs-us-intimacy-we-crave-most.html

..IF we, together (always takes 2)...Refuse to allow these seeds that grow into stubborn resentment roots come between us...bound & determined to work it out, overcome.....getting back to feeling as below....Isn't this how it was meant to be....in the most fulfilling of marriages ran with Love at the forefront?

Now take "feeling loved" by your spouse out of this...if one feels used for selfish purposes, etc..... this would not stand however..these words would then be found repulsive, invading..."How dare he!"....

I resonate with below very strongly... that this was meant to be the most beautiful of acts between husband & wife...


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

We did it before marriage,I couldn't have waited that long and I'm glad I didn't have to wait.The fact that he is an amazing lover figured into my decision to accept his marriage proposal.


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## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Coffee Amore said:


> If you consider how many times a married couple has sex...*hundreds of thousands of times in a 30 year marriage*...you're putting up all those occasions on the line.


Hundreds of thousands! Given there are about 11,000 days in 30 years, I'd be impressed by anybody who could rack up 10 per day for three decades! Even Wilt Chamberlain would have been impressed.

On the other hand, if it's a typo and "of" was intended to be "or", I'd feel bad for anybody who was only in the hundreds after 30 years. If I had averaged 30 a year or fewer I'd be disappointed--and perpetually horny.

The vast majority of marriages are probably somewhere between 2,000 and 6,000 over 30 years. I figure my wife and I are closing in on 5,000. Still enough to justify making sure in advance that it will be thousands of pleasurable and rewarding interludes.

I can't imagine not having a test drive or two for something that important. Or ten. Or more.


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## Marriedand40 (Aug 19, 2013)

My wife and I had sex after about 6 weeks of dating, I was 30 and she was 27 so that is normal I think.

I am religious and respect the fact that some people can wait until marriage. I couldn't wait myself. To me it's unrealistic for anyone to wait until marriage to have sex. It feels so damn good.

Nowadays people get married after university or college, very few people get married in their early 20's anymore.

How many people who get married at a church are virgins? I think less than 5%.

I don't judge or preach to anyone who has alot of sex before marriage. I know people who are still married and they had sex on their first date. Others I know waited 3 years to have intercourse, everyone is different.

I just wish my wife was one/tenth as sexual as I am because I am definitely a guy who likes to have sex.


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## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

karole said:


> I personally do not understand this. You thought it was okay to do everything except PIV?


I know a young woman on another message board who has done everything, including anal sex and some D/s, but she hasn't had PIV sex because she wants to be a virgin for her husband. I don't get that line of thinking. Because she hasn't had vaginal sex, she is still a virgin? She might be a technical virgin, but the the spirit of the word virgin wouldn't apply to her I think because she has been sexual and knows a man sexually, so how could she be a virgin? And using that logic, then all lesbians who haven't been penetrated by a man would be virgins wouldn't they?


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## Aule (Aug 20, 2012)

Yes... but... 

My wife and I met online and were chatting day and night about all sorts of thing over 4 weeks. By the time we set up our first physical date, we both confessed we were each at least halfway in love with each other already.

We set up our first date to be about in week 6.

I frankly wasn't expecting sex. Because of the distance (300 mi), I wanted to present her with some token of hope for the relationship to continue going forward. Since I got intel from her that her favorite color was blue, I had an lovely engagement 
ring made with a 2 carat sapphire.

I was going to give her that if at the end of the date I felt there was enough potential for bonding between us. 

I have autism, and I had been dumped so many times it had left quite a bit of scar tissue in my heart. I told her about the autism on line, and she didn't see a problem with it.

The test was this: if I kissed her before I left, she would not get the ring immediately, perhaps some future date, or not. If she kissed me, then I knew she desired me for myself, and I would propose. If you know anything about autism, the difference is huge.

Long story short, she not only kissed me, but her kiss opened the doors to a weekend of heaven for us both in a motel. The weekend did have to end eventually, so... just before we got dressed, I found the ring box, knelt on both knees on the carpet (she was sitting on the bed), addressed her by first name, then said, "I love you more than all the stars in the sky. Please marry me".

Gasp... happy tears... whispered "yes". Priceless.

I considered myself as being married to her from that very instant. We wedded nearly a year later, taking turns visiting each other. We've now been married 12 years, with a beautiful 10 year old girl. The marriage has some knits and crochets, but even with those.... it's nice.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

It seems to me it's a gamble not to have sex with your partner before marriage...especially as you get older. In my mind I'd be wondering are we not having sex because a) they're just not that sexual, b) they have hangups or c) they're holding out for marriage. 

You may be assuming c) but once you're married it's kind of too late if you learn it's actually a) or b) 

...just my two cents worth.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Coffee Amore said:


> I know a young woman on another message board who has done everything, including anal sex and some D/s, but she hasn't had PIV sex because she wants to be a virgin for her husband. I don't get that line of thinking. Because she hasn't had vaginal sex, she is still a virgin? She might be a technical virgin, but the the spirit of the word virgin wouldn't apply to her I think because she has been sexual and knows a man sexually, so how could she be a virgin? And using that logic, then all lesbians who haven't been penetrated by a man would be virgins wouldn't they?


I have also known women like you posted about Coffee Amore. I just do not understand their reasoning.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

We did all but PiV. And nearly every time she felt terribly guilty because good Christian girls don't do that thing, or so she thought.

I've done the deed with prior gfs but she was a virgin. I don't think she ever got past that "good girls" issue. I should have headed that warning during our dating. I never had any regrets or guilt, other than her feeling bad. But it's not like I forced her and often time she was the one who pushed me to go further than I wanted to go.


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## missthelove2013 (Sep 23, 2013)

yes...almost had sex with her before we were even dating...is a blow job sex??


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Ok...I did some research...for definitions, for interpretations , Traditional and Modern ..of said *"virginity"*... 



karole said:


> *I have also known women like you posted about Coffee Amore. I just do not understand their reasoning*.


Taken from Virginity - Wikipedia

1. *The traditional view* is that virginity is only lost through vaginal penetration by the penis, consensual or non-consensual, and that acts of oral sex, anal sex, mutual masturbation or other forms of non-penetrative sex do not result in loss of virginity. A person who engages in such acts with no history of having engaged in vaginal intercourse is often regarded among heterosexuals and researchers as "technically a virgin".... 

Go ask Alice gave a variety of views.... Definition of virgin? | Go Ask Alice!



> Frustrating as it may be, the simplicity of your question belies the complex definition of the term "virgin."
> 
> *1.* To some, a virgin is someone who hasn't had sexual intercourse (that is, penis-to-vagina intercourse).
> 
> ...



Found this on a forum...just a Posters thoughts on some of the differences..



> *1. **Super Duper Virgins* ...
> Straight out of the 1950s and 1960s, the super duper virgin is the quintessential untouched, unsullied forbidden fruit (namely the cherry) that all would love to pop. Such virgins have never even kissed a man, let alone played with his flute. Now it’s an accepted fact that such women maintain their virginal state either out of choice or out of compulsion.
> 
> So if you happen to be dating a hardcore virgin who hasn’t allowed you to come any closer than letting you hold her hand then you what you need is a lot of patience ……or a wedding ring.
> ...


Planned Parenthood Defined...



> What is Virginity? - Planned Parenthood...*Who's a virgin, and who’s not?*
> 
> Most people would say that a virgin is someone who's never had sex — and by "sex," they often mean penetration of the vagina by the penis. This dictionary definition sounds simple enough, but it leaves a whole bunch of people out of the picture.
> 
> ...





> *Coffeeamore said*: She might be *a technical virgin*, but the the spirit of the word virgin wouldn't apply to her I think because she has been sexual and knows a man sexually, so how could she be a virgin?


Then we have the "Technical" virgins...Urban Dictionary is already on that ... Technical virgin




> *1.* A technical virgin is a girl who has been fvcked up her a$$, but not in her poon-tang, leaving them technically a virgin still.
> 
> *2.* A supposed "loophole" way for Christian girls to have anal and oral sex but remain "pure" and still call themselves a "virgin". Ridiculous and hypocritical, some girls who are only technically virgins themselves look down on other girls who have vaginal sex before marriage, even though they have let a guy put his penis in their a$$.
> 
> ...


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## romantic_guy (Nov 8, 2011)

We started going out in the fall of 1971. Soon we were bringing each other to orgasm (she was the first girl I very saw have an orgasm). It wasn't long until we took the next step. After we had sex once, the flood gates were open. We became more risky did not pay attention to the time of month. Condoms were not readily available then, so I was not using any protection. She got pregnant and we got married at 16 & 17. 

Do I regret having sex before we were married? In a way, yes. We should have waited until we were older. However, I do not for a second regret getting married. We celebrated 41 years in July and we have an awesome marriage. To be honest, we have not always been sexually compatible. I have a higher drive. Much of that improved when our relationship improved; when I learned her love language, and when I started to meet her needs. 

Today we are still each other's one and only sex partner and although the frequency could be more often (currently 1-2 times a week; she is having some healthi issues), our love making is usually very passionate and mutually fulfilling.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

You were an HONORABLE young man Romantic Guy.. how many are today.. it's almost a Joke... 

Every fiber in my body wanted him to put it in -when I was 15 .... I was dripping....but I fought it....and this slowly lifted... it is Doable to get past this phase...and be content without his semen filled rod inside of me....after all ...the orgasm is a plateau of contentment once it has been achieved...which doesn't take much, when our hormones are on fire.. 



> *Romantic Guy said:* *After we had sex once, the flood gates were open.*


 Felt like this >>









You described this very well... Once they are open, there is no going back [email protected]#$.... Heck I feel that way ...being married.. If I found myself single, I don't think I could wait long at all... I'd be dying to get to it ~ which could be a real problem if I couldn't find Love/ compatibility with another....I'd have to lean on my "self control"... for my own welfare. 

What teens have not experienced yet.. they can live with... or so I feel.. maybe some think I am naive.... I wouldn't say we were low drive people in any way.. back in the day. 

Your story worked out, you took the risks..and you owned your responsibility as a young man... what you have with your wife is very very special...... :smthumbup:


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## KeepingUpAppearances (Jul 14, 2013)

Yes, I did. My husband was my first lover at 21 and a whole bunch of other firsts. On the contrary he said that sleeping with me before marriage and seeing how sexually compatible we were made him want to make me a keeper. We did things for each other and together. We both play video games so we connected in multiple ways. He was very experienced (1 night stands the whole bit). He was my teacher and I was HD from the jump.

The only thing I regret is not having an experience or two with someone other than him before being married. Not that he doesn't satisfy it's just a curiosity. We have other issues but none have to do with us having sex before being married.


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## cursor (Jun 27, 2013)

*AW: Poll: did you have sex with spouse before marriage?*

Of course we did. No regrets.

Important to say, we're from Germany. I don't think there are people here that wait for sex after marriage (excluding religious extremists).


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## usmarriedguy (Dec 9, 2013)

I do not really understand why withholding sex to create an incentive to marry you is not "pressuring" him? 

I am not criticizing anyone's decision either way. 

It seems to me you are questioning whether he married you just because you pressured him into it and therefor doubting how much he really loves you?

I think especially young guys (but really anyone) can take for granted things that are actually very important to them. Also if you let people get away with things that they should not they come to expect that. These are just some things you both need to continually work on. Marriage is a two way street.


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## here2learn (Aug 23, 2012)

No intercourse prior to marriage, but oral and manual play. And we only dated six months before getting married. No regrets.


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## terrence4159 (Feb 3, 2013)

im late to the party but i had sex with my wife before we were even dating. first night i ever hung out with her.


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## anxiousbones (Sep 9, 2012)

My husband and I waited until our wedding night. Neither of us were virgins, and we had fooled around every other way we could think of. But that first night was pretty awkward because of the mental pressure we were putting on ourselves. It took us a few months to really get in the swing of things. Sometimes I wish we had just let it happen spontaneously at some point, because we were both scared to death that first time and neither of us enjoyed it beyond "thank goodness that's over with!"


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Yes we did. We met in high school and after 18 months of dating, right before graduation we did it for the first time. Of course I cried after because I felt so guilty (I came from a Christian home that stresses to save yourself for marriage). Needless to say the guilt easily wore off with each new time we did it. My DH and I have been married 21 yrs, he was and is my only lover. I though, wasn't his first.


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## TheStranger (Jan 14, 2013)

Yes. But, I don't count since I've never been married and don't plan to do it either. Still, by law in my country it's still considered a marriage so no need to sign anything. Screwed like everyone else here.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

Yes, we did on the second date, and it was amazing. She wasn't a virgin and so was I. Sexual compatibility is a must in any marriage.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

My wife and I did, but it was well into the relationship before we had intercourse. Initially, we experimented with performing oral on each other, and it eventually led to sex.

I know it's taboo for religious reasons, but I would highly recommend that you have sex first, because sexual compatibility is an important aspect of marriage.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Second date, then a few thousand more times before marrying. It's important to ensure ongoing sexual compatibility!


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

To those advocating sex before marriage as a means of determining compatibility:

You're right, but for the wrong reason.

Sex before marriage does not ensure compatibility, and for my formal proof I offer the endless sad sack stories posted hereon of bait and switch, no sex after children, and countless other examples of the shine wearing off the sex life. Sex before marriage does not ensure compatibility. *All it can do is discover current incompatibility.* Which is of course a very useful thing to know, but you may not be answering the question you believe you're answering when you bed your future mate.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Cletus said:


> To those advocating sex before marriage as a means of determining compatibility:
> 
> You're right, but for the wrong reason.
> 
> Sex before marriage does not ensure compatibility, and for my formal proof I offer the endless sad sack stories posted hereon of bait and switch, no sex after children, and countless other examples of the shine wearing off the sex life. Sex before marriage does not ensure compatibility. *All it can do is discover current incompatibility.* Which is of course a very useful thing to know, but you may not be answering the question you believe you're answering when you bed your future mate.


You are entirely correct. Past results are not a guarantee of future performance. However, sustained consistency over an extended perdiod is often a good indicator of baseline sexuality. Anything less than 2 years falls within the initial hormonal spike, and may not be sustainable beyond that.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Even 2 years might not be enough. But if you do some study about sexuality and sex drives before you get married, you might be able to know more about your potential mate.

Or you can do it like I did and just assume everything will be fine and then end up divorced, only to get it right with the second marriage.

I don't recommend doing it my way, even though it worked out for me.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

We did and we don't regret it. However, I would still suggest anyone who's saving themselves for marriage... save themselves for marriage. Just recently two kids from our church who both claimed they were each other's soul mates were within one week of the wedding when the bride suddenly called it off. Almost there is not "there." 

If you don't care, then you don't care. Then it's up to you.


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## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

....we did. We were each others "firsts" .....I was 20, she was 19. There was something very special about being 'the only one' and I had no regrets ....until she had a ONS about 12 yrs later.

....now ....I had wished I had 'experience' before meeting her ....so that I would have a 'point of comparison' ...and maybe not be so self-conscious or have feelings of inadequacy based on what I never experienced.


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## meg0980 (Dec 25, 2013)

My husband and I had sex with each other before marriage, it was actually before we went on our first date together.


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## omgitselaine (Sep 5, 2013)

Yes. After about a month of dating and becoming very close , good friends we did and both of us have no regrets. 

Gotta mke sure we were both compatible in bed wink wink


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

meg0980 said:


> My husband and I had sex with each other before marriage, it was actually before we went on our first date together.


*I generally always thought that some form of dating was largely a prerequisite for getting down with someone! 

Boy, I really must be old fashioned!*


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## Caribvistors (Jan 13, 2013)

We dated for over 4 years. Started dating when she was 16 and I was 18 and we were both in high school. Was her first lover and she was my second. Fooled around quite a bit, but stayed away from full intrercourse, due to our fear of her getting pregnant, until about 6 months prior to getting married when we threw caution to the wind. Her talent at performing oral sex reduced my desire/need for intercourse during those initial dating years. I always made sure she never returned home sexual frustrated and that kept her satisfied.

Any regrets, none. I am lucky enough to be married to a woman for over 40 years who has no real sexual hangups and is "comfortable in her own skin".


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## golf4ever (Oct 30, 2013)

yes we did. she was 18 i was 19. she got pregnant.got married. almost 33 years later we have 2 boys.1 granddaughter and another on the way. life is good.


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## Gomerpyle (Dec 27, 2013)

Sex on the first date. We're pretty conservative, so we ate before sex and then had a great night out. 

Hard to believe some people had sex before eating. Don't you people know about carbohydrate loading?


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## mxpx4182 (Jan 7, 2014)

Oral yes, traditional no


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

No. I have a religious background. To me sex only goes along with a lifelong commitment and I silently judge others who don't do the same. *Scowls in Gomerpyle's direction.*
_Posted via the power of Thor!_


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## JohnSmithh (Feb 5, 2013)

I did.


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## P51Geo1980 (Sep 25, 2013)

No we did not and it was such a huge mistake. We are not sexually compatible at all. Her sex style is vanilla starfish - I wouldn't even call it making love because she's so passionless (in all aspects of her life, not just marriage). Had we had sex before we married I would have known how terrible at it she is and would never have married her. People who say sexually compatibility isn't important are kidding themselves and waiting until marriage is like playing Russian roulette with your sex life. I was not a virgin when we met.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

We did it on the 2nd date. It was amazing for me and her (she didn't had an orgasm for 2 months before). She did sleep around 3x while we were dating in the beginning (she thought we weren't exclusive yet). I got her pregnant after 8 months being together, and we got married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

P51Geo1980 said:


> No we did not and it was such a huge mistake. We are not sexually compatible at all. Her sex style is vanilla starfish - I wouldn't even call it making love *because she's so passionless* *(in all aspects of her life, not just marriage)*. Had we had sex before we married I would have known how terrible at it she is and would never have married her. *People who say sexually compatibility isn't important are kidding themselves and waiting until marriage is like playing Russian roulette with your sex life.* I was not a virgin when we met.


Being a couple who waited to stick it in ... I would NEVER NEVER NEVER say that sexual compatibility isn't important.... it is WHOLLY important....this area can destroy happiness, to the point a partner feels like they are in a PRISON... (Heartbreaking stories here)... .

We have 5 sons ...after reading here, it would kill me inside if any of them marry a passionless affectionless Low drive woman....OMG... they will curse the day they were born! 

But on the same token, we raise our children to wait for love & commitment...we do not advocate Casual sex....for many reasons...there is nothing wrong with having a more conservative mindset here ...so long as such people are diligent to see those RED FLAGS ...not ignore them....

Looking back....was she passionate while dating?? WHat was her personality like...did she love making out....did she want to go further even if she felt you should wait....

My husband never doubted I loved loved loved freaking loved pleasure and orgasms... there was no shock after the vows .... One can FEEL this in dating... in how you touch..

You can learn so much about a person without intercourse...I don't see it at Russian Roulette UNLESS there is no touching , no petting at all...there is definitely RISK here...if she is not hot & bothered making out ...something is surely AMISS !....I wouldn't see this as a healthy sex drive at all....it shouldn't take a tidal wave to flip our switches for each other...These are RED FLAGS ! But ya know.. some women fake orgasms too while dating -just to please the man.. I've read too much here!

Being as pure as the driven snow..I feel this is dangerous myself... I think it's very important to know if your future Bride can orgasm, craves them , needs them....talking about sex, pleasure... all of it...but still honoring your boundaries *IF they are important to you.* (they were not important to you, so it would have been better to not remain with a woman who felt they were)... you were incompatible with your sexual beliefs - even outside of the physical... 

Most of those who find themselves in your situation...had Red flags waving....but they thought it might get better...(it doesn't)..... This man has walked in your shoes.. yet even he acknowledges that dating sexual compatibility = very little in relation to your future marriage..



Cletus said:


> To those advocating sex before marriage as a means of determining compatibility:
> 
> You're right, but for the wrong reason.
> 
> Sex before marriage does not ensure compatibility, and for my formal proof I offer the endless sad sack stories posted hereon of bait and switch, no sex after children, and countless other examples of the shine wearing off the sex life. Sex before marriage does not ensure compatibility. *All it can do is discover current incompatibility.* Which is of course a very useful thing to know, but you may not be answering the question you believe you're answering when you bed your future mate.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

arbitrator said:


> *I generally always thought that some form of dating was largely a prerequisite for getting down with someone!
> 
> Boy, I really must be old fashioned!*


This is an international board. Many places don't have the dating culture that the US has. My country for example. 

My husband and I met very young, but we didn't date at all. We were friends and then we were in love. No dating.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Her sex style is vanilla starfish


lol


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## WalterWhite420 (Dec 27, 2013)

Yes, in every way possible.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

Lyris said:


> This is an international board. Many places don't have the dating culture that the US has. My country for example.
> 
> My husband and I met very young, but we didn't date at all. We were friends and then we were in love. No dating.


:iagree:
It's pretty much the same in where I'm from too.


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## Jimena (May 28, 2012)

No, we did not, and it worked out great for us, been married 7 yrs.
-We were young when we met, 17/19, and virgins
-We were long distance, the first 3 yrs only saw each other every 3-6 months
-I saw intercourse as the height of intimacy, and also commitment
-I had seen sex complicate others' relationships, and I wanted to keep ours as drama free as possible

We still knew we were compatible because:
-Lots of naked foreplay when we did see each other
-Plenty of of phone sex (even now sometimes hearing his voice on the phone makes me wild)
-The times we saw each other, we basically "lived together" (at each other's parents house) for a week at a time, really getting to know the everyday ins and outs

I think it really comes down to each couple and what their priorities and values are... and a lot of that also has to do with age too. When you're young you should try to minimize the dumb **** you are bound to do. If you're nearing 30 and you haven't had some type of intimate or committed relationship... you've got serious issues


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Jimena said:


> No, we did not, and it worked out great for us, been married 7 yrs.
> -We were young when we met, 17/19, and virgins
> -We were long distance, the first 3 yrs only saw each other every 3-6 months
> -I saw intercourse as the height of intimacy, and also commitment
> ...


Heh, I wouldn't call that no-sex before marriage 

Just different types of sex


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

No regrets. none, zip, nada!


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