# Why does he reject my friends?



## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

my husband never 'likes' anyone I meet or make friends with. And he is so jerky about it. No matter who it is, who always decides like so quickly he doesn't like them. He complains about our old friends (his friends and their wives by the way) and always says we need to meet some new people, but everyone is a jerk to him. In our old neighborhood, we were quickly left out of things, and I think it is because they KNOW he doesn't 'like' them. And when he says something like so and so is such a jerk, if I say, gee I don't think so and I wish we'd be invited to more neighborhood things... he'll say something like oh so MY feelings don't matter as usual. HUH??

The current one is my daughters skating coaches. They are a nice caring couple and treat my daughter so nicely (not to mention they have really taught that girl to skate). A couple weeks ago, he had to complain that her coach is so *** like (he isn't.. ), I like the guy and it kind of pissed me off. So anyway, they are going to be having a baby boy in November, and the students parents all got together to have a BBQ and give them gifts... of course he won't go. He doesn't "like" any of them so he isn't going. He doesn't even give them a chance IMO. The other parents are fun... I have been out to dinner with them at competitions, the girls all like each other... it will be fun I am sure. BUT NOPE... he isn't going. 

I go to lots of things at houses of 'his friends' and his game club etc. I go with the flow, why not? 

I am going to the BBQ with the girls anyway, but I just don't understand why he won't go or for that matter why him doing this all the time pisses me off so much.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

Have you asked him what his deal is? why only his friends are the bees knees and anyone you know is a jerk?


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Have you asked him what his deal is? why only his friends are the bees knees and anyone you know is a jerk?


He denies it as untrue. He claims he doesn't do that and that people he says are jerks ARE jerks and it has nothing to do with him. :scratchhead:


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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

This is ridiculous. Even if he doesn't like them, he shold participate give the relationship and because you want to go.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

KanDo said:


> This is ridiculous. Even if he doesn't like them, he shold participate give the relationship and because you want to go.


That is how I feel, kind of.... the only problem is he makes it so clear in his body language and snide remarks that he doesn't like them that I wonder if I am better of leaving him home.

He is turning into a curmuggeon... bit by bit. I fear it will be the same thing when we move to our condo complex, instead of meeting people and having fun, he'll probably decide everyone is a jerk.


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## Open4it (Sep 1, 2011)

This sounds like it could be a case of insecurity to me.

I think he's hiding behind the "jerk" label and may actually be feeling threatened by others ... their accomplishments, character, personalities.

Is it possible? How is his own self esteem?


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

Open4it said:


> This sounds like it could be a case of insecurity to me.
> 
> I think he's hiding behind the "jerk" label and may actually be feeling threatened by others ... their accomplishments, character, personalities.
> 
> Is it possible? How is his own self esteem?


Crappy in my opinion... I think it is his problem overall, but I cannot make him feel good about himself, only HE can do that. He is pushing me away bit by bit.. maybe that is what he actually wants.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

He sounds like a very unhappy person. Depressed maybe?

Just go without him and have a good time.


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> He denies it as untrue. He claims he doesn't do that and that people he says are jerks ARE jerks and it has nothing to do with him. :scratchhead:



Dumb. If you ask me, HE sounds like the jerk. And maybe he's afraid others will find out about it, you know, expose his phony front he puts up.

My grandfather was like this. You know what my grandma did? HER OWN THING. He would be home sulking and she'd be out meeting new people, going to bbq's and having a great time without him. His negativity was draining, so she just left him and went out anyway. And she also didn't feel bad about it one bit.:rofl:


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Dumb. If you ask me, HE sounds like the jerk. And maybe he's afraid others will find out about it, you know, expose his phony front he puts up.
> 
> My grandfather was like this. You know what my grandma did? HER OWN THING. He would be home sulking and she'd be out meeting new people, going to bbq's and having a great time without him. His negativity was draining, so she just left him and went out anyway. And she also didn't feel bad about it one bit.:rofl:


That is pretty much what I do as well. Sometimes I wish I could record the constant negative talk and play it back for him. It is so ridiculous.


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## Open4it (Sep 1, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Crappy in my opinion... I think it is his problem overall, but I cannot make him feel good about himself, only HE can do that. He is pushing me away bit by bit.. maybe that is what he actually wants.


I wouldn't jump to that conclusion right yet.
It might be depression.

When I've been in the throes of depression I wanted to isolate and push everyone away. The last thing I wanted to do was socialize or make new friends. I didn't deem myself worthy nor did I have the energy to do so.
I can't speak for him, but I bet he feels like sh*t for doing this.
I know I did.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Funny, the common sour denominator in all of these friendships is him. He doesn't like this friend. He doesn't like that friend. on and on. Ask him what qualities would make a friend of yours become someone that he would approve of. It can become almost comical if you press him on it, because it becomes pretty obvious that his own personal bias is the common denominator.


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## bobdc (Sep 15, 2011)

maybe he has other issues with you? or he is possessive and does not want to share?
whatever it is, he has to learn to accept your friends and make an efffort!


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

A Bit Much said:


> Dumb. If you ask me, HE sounds like the jerk. And maybe he's afraid others will find out about it, you know, expose his phony front he puts up.
> 
> My grandfather was like this. You know what my grandma did? HER OWN THING. He would be home sulking and she'd be out meeting new people, going to bbq's and having a great time without him. His negativity was draining, so she just left him and went out anyway. And she also didn't feel bad about it one bit.:rofl:


I agree with what your grandmother did. I don't think one spouse should sit home because the other refuses to take part in life. But on the other hand it can get kind of lonely being married to someone who won't do things with you. 

I think the original poster needs to get her husband to counseling. It may help. And if it doesn't then she will have to decide if she wants to spend the rest of her life doing things alone because hubby refuses to do anything.


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

SadieBrown said:


> I agree with what your grandmother did. I don't think one spouse should sit home because the other refuses to take part in life. But on the other hand it can get kind of lonely being married to someone who won't do things with you.
> 
> I think the original poster needs to get her husband to counseling. It may help. And if it doesn't then she will have to decide if she wants to spend the rest of her life doing things alone because hubby refuses to do anything.


Yes, is is a bit lonely... I mean right now, the girls are often with me, but that naturally won't last forever. I continue to call him out on his bad attitude... last night for example, my 16 year old had to be picked up at her math tutor, he had just started cooking some dinner so I said 'you want me to get her?'-- and he snaps at me about OF COURSE I do, can't you see I am in the middle of cooking dinner?? So I said, yes please would have done just fine. And I walked out the door. GEESH


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

He could have mild ASPD, anti-social personality disorder


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## lisa3girls (Apr 6, 2011)

RandomDude said:


> He could have mild ASPD, anti-social personality disorder


Wierd you should say that... our oldest daughter has non-verbal learning disorder (higher functioning than AS, but very similar in social deficits).


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## A Bit Much (Sep 14, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Wierd you should say that... our oldest daughter has non-verbal learning disorder (higher functioning than AS, but very similar in social deficits).


If his lack of socializing was with everyone, this would make sense.

He has no trouble going out or hanging with 'his' chosen friends though. His friends, his friends wives... they're all OK.


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## JStevens (Sep 7, 2011)

He sounds quite angry and self-absorbed. I think he needs to recognise that this is the case as opposed everyone else conspiring against him


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## SadieBrown (Mar 16, 2011)

lisa3girls said:


> Yes, is is a bit lonely... I mean right now, the girls are often with me, but that naturally won't last forever. I continue to call him out on his bad attitude... last night for example, my 16 year old had to be picked up at her math tutor, he had just started cooking some dinner so I said 'you want me to get her?'-- and he snaps at me about OF COURSE I do, can't you see I am in the middle of cooking dinner?? So I said, yes please would have done just fine. And I walked out the door. GEESH


Does he always speak to you like that? Because if he does then it sounds as if there is some verbal abuse going on as well. 

In fact separating you from your family and friends is a red flag of verbal/emotional abuse.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Lisa...he sounds like a sourpuss. My ex hated alllll of my friends. Every single one. He was an emotional abuser. You don't sound happy with him from all your posts....what are you going to do?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## forpeaceofmind (Sep 18, 2011)

Hello, lisa3girls.
I go through the same problem as you, with the difference  that I stopped hanging with most people my husband dislikes, including my entire family.
I have been talking to him about the problem since the beginning of our relationship, but he won't change his mind. 
He's very critical of everybody around me and it's getting me tired. 
I think our husbands probably have trouble dealing with rejection themselves, so I believe they push some people away for fear of getting hurt. In my case especially, I would bet he believes that people who love me (my friends and family) do not like him and could try to take me away from him, and then he does it first to them.
I try to look in his past and family history and find reasons for so much insecurity. Maybe counseling? Hope you are luckier than I am.


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