# Don't know how I'm supposed to live with him for 3 more months



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Because of circumstances, I am living with my h for at least 3 more months before I can live on my own. And, it sucks. He seems to think this means everything is ok. He still tries to ignore everything. I've tried to tell him that I'm done. That I want out. I have said those things, exactly. This morning, I finally said the straight out correct words, "I want a divorce." So, then he started punching things in his truck. He said, "Well, then do it." And I said, "I'm already looking into it." And he said, "I figured you were." Well, then why hasn't he done anything different??? 

I wake up every morning with so much anger and resentment because I wake up alone every morning. I've slept in our bed alone for almost an entire year. Seeing as we've only been married for 15 months, that's sad. I know I should've called it quits already, but I wanted to fight for my marriage.

How do you live in the same house with your soon to be ex??? Especially when one of you is done, and the other can't seem to admit that to themselves???


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## frigginlost (Oct 5, 2011)

I'm sorry, but what is it that you are looking for from him?

You state that you are sleeping alone and have been for some time. Does that mean that you each have your own room?

"I'm already looking into it" is not a very good thing to say to a person that seems to think there is a chance.

It seems you are waiting for *him* to do something. Why?

If you are truly done, there is no circumstance that should keep you in the same house as him.

In short, it takes two to make a marriage work. If either one of you are not invested it will never work. Find a way to leave the house as it will not get any better if you are truly done with the marriage....

Just my opinion....


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

frigginlost said:


> I'm sorry, but what is it that you are looking for from him?
> 
> You state that you are sleeping alone and have been for some time. Does that mean that you each have your own room?
> 
> ...


Do you want a war zone for next 3 months? Are you trying to shake him up into action? You've told him where you stand and it's his problem to process the message. You don't have to announce it every day. You don't have to drill it into him. You told him and let there be peace now. You can have final showdown when bags are packed and you're out the door. There's no need for more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

frigginlost said:


> I'm sorry, but what is it that you are looking for from him?
> 
> You state that you are sleeping alone and have been for some time. Does that mean that you each have your own room?
> 
> ...


Yes, I have been waiting for him to do something. I've been waiting for him to "wake up"! But, I've come to the conclusion that he's not and I'm moving on. 

There are circumstances that keep me living there. We live in the country in a small town. We share a vehicle and I'm looking into purchasing another. We are 12 miles out of town, so a vehicle is needed. There are no rentals available at this time in our town. And my family does not live here. So, at this point, I am still living there.

No, we don't each have our own room. He started sleeping on the couch long ago, despite my efforts to get him to sleep in our room. No matter what I say, he continues to sleep out there. So, there's nothing I seem to be able to do on the matter.

"I'm already looking into it" means I'm contacting a lawyer and getting papers put together and looking for a place to live.

I respect your opinion, but I truly do have to stay there for a while longer and know that other people have been in this situation and just looking for some advice on how to live this way.


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> Do you want a war zone for next 3 months? Are you trying to shake him up into action? You've told him where you stand and it's his problem to process the message. You don't have to announce it every day. You don't have to drill it into him. You told him and let there be peace now. You can have final showdown when bags are packed and you're out the door. There's no need for more.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It hasn't been talked about every day. It's been brought up, but the words "I want a divorce" haven't been put out there. So, they are now and he knows my complete intentions, so that's that. Now, to live quietly for the next 3 months.


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

It seems to me that you just want him to change something, or to help fix the marriage. In one sentence you say you want to fight for your marriage, and then you state that you want a divorce.

I live with my exwife right now in the midst of her currently dating others, because my plan of my own making was to get into a house, not simply flee the premises without a plan and have to move into a crummy apartment where my D9 would have to come live every other week. I refuse, by tooth and nail, to have this imposition that was placed on me, and which destroyed my marriage, result in my having to live a lesser life. For me that is defeat. 
Maybe its not the best plan, maybe its not the most sane of plans, but its MY plan, and I intend to execute it fully, until I bring the last box of things I am taking with me into that new home of mine.
So yeah, I have to eat some crow right now, see some things I would rather not see, some very disparaging and terrible things to see, but I am not going to be cheated on, and then run off like a dog.
I put as much sweat and blood into that old house as she has, and it will serve my purpose for as long as I need it to. 

But I really dont think you are at that point. I think if your husband were to take you to marriage counseling and make an honest effort to find out how and where the problems in the marriage are occurring, that there is still hope for you. 15months, without the mention of infidelity, seems like a bit soon, before exhausting your options. I sure do understand being mad, or upset, even how recurring issues continue to make the marriage seem like complete b.s., but you shouldnt use the term divorce as a means to scare someone into change. You obviously know that it hurts him, and want him to know that you are hurting, is it really too late?


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

Why do you want a divorce?


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## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

Shooboomafoo said:


> Why do you want a divorce?


Why? Because I've been married 15 months and have slept alone for almost a year of that time. We've had sex 3 times. The last time a year ago. Nothing I do or say has helped. Marriage counseling was a joke. He would talk the talk, but not walk the walk. The counselor was working with him not being so co dependent, but then he quit going.

I'm not using the word divorce just to scare him. And I'm not doing it on a whim. I have been on here for a year talking about my difficulties in my new marriage and nothing has gotten better throughout that time. I wish things would be different and I'm open to them changing, but not hoping for it any longer. I do not want to be divorced. It's not accepted by my family and is not where I wanted to be at 31.

Also, I am going to be 31 soon and I want to have a family, and I don't see myself having a family with him any longer. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has absolutely no relationship with because he has shut them out of his life as he shuts me out. He can't deal with his feelings. So, when he gets hurt, or things get complicated, he shuts down and seems to ignore everything around him but work. A good quality to have in some situations. Bad when you shut out your wife and kids. Not only will we not be having kids because we never have sex, but we won't be having kids until I understand that he can/will be a good father to "our" kids. I don't see that any more. I played the game. From what I saw he was a "good father". Then we got married and he quit. I don't know why. I don't understand it. I can't understand it if he won't even allow me in.


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