# After EA what do i do?



## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

Husband had an EA, he immediately admitted it after I suspected it and confronted him. I can't get over it because I never expected it from him and he works with that woman. Anyway, he wants a divorce, all of a sudden he's unhappy, never been and I never actualized myself. Whatever that means. He is not going to her nor does he want to pursue her. I want to make it work because I think we both screwed up and we have a chance but most importantly we have a baby. I started our marriage asking for a divorce whenever he ignored and treated me like I didn't exist when I should have forced therapy. He keeps blaming me now and saying he'd ever have entertained divorce if I didn't bring it up. I'm sick of the fighting and the yelling. I'm a stay at home mom with super little income and figuring out finances while doing work from home while trying to find a full time job is breaking me. I don't expect him to provide for me not intend to wait for him to support me. But I feel like a deadline is looming over my rad and the stress is too much. 


I think this is a phase. And that he is gonna snap out of it. maybe i'm fooling myself? We've been together 8 years. If he thinks we have nothing in common and is mad I don't share stuff with him, would something like the 180 approach be good or counter productive? Also, how do I get myself to calm down and be collected and tackle this right when one moment he's nice and the other a total d-bag?


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## shelly1978 (Nov 30, 2010)

I think your husband is feeling guilty about having an affair and i think he is trying to convince himself that he doesn't care about your or your marriage so that he won't feel guilty for what he did because if you think about it its easier to hurt someone you don't care about then it is to hurt someone you care about. I think he will only be able to fool himself for so long before this all comes back to bite him in the butt because maybe by that time you will have moved on and he will have lost out. 
I truly believe that no matter what having someone as a big part of your life for 8 years cannot just be erased over night and i think he will figure that out.
This is just my opinion he needs to realize that your asking him for a divorce when you felt ignored was a cry for help and he should have taken that cue and realized that.
Right now you need to take care of yourself and your baby i know that is hard to do when you are feeling so sad.
I really hope everything does work out for you.


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

Thanks, Shelly! That's what I think too. I guess I just need to focus on me and baby and let him figure his crap out! Should I respond when he's nice or should I detach myself? We still live together. We live in a small apartment but he's on the couch and has been for the majority of this. I'm so exhausted by this constant this will be ok, oh no this crap! We've been doing this for 3 months now and I am so tired.


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