# How does your sex drive manifest ?



## roseenglish1969 (Oct 19, 2018)

Okay I accept that's an odd question especially from a newbie but if you do a little research I have started a thread which may explain why I am asking. 

I have "Acquired" spikes of extreme high libido after 50 years of never having one hormonally driven I can only assume. I can go weeks were I am not at all bothered either way then it seems to be before my period I am having some TRULY insane and intense sex drive spikes. 

Everyone says I should embrace it but truth is because its alien to me I am terrified of it. I never experienced this as a teen or at all. I have been reactive to sexual advances but never ever the one driving it because I never physically had a drive I could take it or leave it. 

When I get these spikes I feel like something is wrong with me physically. 

Started off with random sensations of vaginal arousal without thought or provokation. Those did not make me want to have sex they just worried me as why would my vag suddenly be aroused for no reason at all (? ) Is that a "thing"? 

That lasted a month on and off and made me sick with anxiety. 

Around the same time, I would have these acute episodes were all I could think about was that I needed sex, my heart rate incrceased and my breathing faster but it came from absolutely no where. I needed something inside me and it HAD to be sex, a vibrator was a poor substitute. My mind was racing with images of my partner making love to me. I cannot simply focus on something else I have no control. I check to see if my vag is driving this and whilst its involved in the "process" its not like those earlier episodes, its more of a whole body and mind arousal, 
Its hard to describe other than I am needing something inside me NOW 
Its not about the clit either, yesterday I happened to lean forward on my PC chair to look at the screen closer and I noticed I felt aroused internally so I moved about in the chair trying different positions and sure enough leaning left right or forwards aroused me internally.
So I saw it to the end, all I had to do was straddle a cushion fully dressed and hump it and I came internally (no clit action at all) I then went straight into a hot flush and was dripping with sweat and I had another 2 spikes later that day but I just waited for them to pass. 

I should add that during these periods of libido spikes I am generally more open to the idea, if I happen to be physically close to my partner I find myself wanting sex. THAT I can live with but when I am alone and I end up frantically looking for my newly aquired 5 inch vibrator when I was working just seconds prior is horrible. I feel I have no control and i dont 

Does any of the above sound normal? 

I guess I just need to know that whilst what is happening to me is not normal for me, it IS normal for other women.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Nothing abnormally wrong at all in my book!

If he's up to, just get naked and rip your old man's clothes off as he enters the front door!

He'll get the message!*


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

I am trying to figure out what the issue is? 

No, I am just kidding. I guess it could be a little scary coming out of no where. 

What you are experiencing is normal, and I happens to a lot of women at your age. Sometime earlier, and sometimes later. 

I say enjoy it and keep your partner as close as possible and ravish him when ever you can...

Some call this "the Spike".


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Welcome to my life since I turned 10.

You are experiencing hormone shifts to levels you are not use to dealing with.

You will have to learn to deal with the nearly constant, or extremely easily triggered, arousal.

Check with a physician just to be safe but you are more than likely fine.

Do you work out?

Might be able to take advantage and get some good sweat equity out of this as well.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

ConanHub said:


> Welcome to my life since I turned 10.
> 
> You are experiencing hormone shifts to levels you are not use to dealing with.
> 
> ...


So you've been experiencing "random sensations of vaginal arousal without thought or provokation" since you were 10.
I thought so!


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

StillSearching said:


> So you've been experiencing "random sensations of vaginal arousal without thought or provokation" since you were 10.
> I thought so!


Lol! Yep. Those pesky vaginas jump out of nowhere at me!:wink2:


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I'm not a woman or a doctor or anything but I would say that you are becoming peri-menopausal. 

A lot of systems in our bodies do not simply gradually and incrementally slow down and ultimately shut down in our bodies as we age. 

Instead as things start to fail, they swing wildly back and forth for awhile. 

Kind of like if the thermostat in your car is starting to go bad, your temperature guage will swing wildly back and forth for awhile until it finally overheats. 

My wife's libido did the same thing as she was starting to go into menopause. There were days I thought she'd screw me to death and other days if I walked past her in the hall she recoil with repulsion. 

Her libido would swing from one extreme to another pretty unpredictably. She also had some toys on stand-by for the times I wasn't home. I'd get pictures of her using her gadgets while I was at work and I'd be bummed that I was missing out on one of her hormonal spikes. If I could get home in time, sometimes there was still some hormones left for me :-D

This phase lasted several months to maybe part of a year and then started to drop off noticeably and then finally off of the cliff and into the abyss. 

Now her once spectacular libido is just a fond memory from the past. She will still be cuddly and want to smooch and stuff now and then and every once in awhile she will want some PIV and have an orgasm and be done with it. But during those days of the peri-menopausal hormone spikes, it was like living on a porn set at times. 


cont.....


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## EllisRedding (Apr 10, 2015)

This to some extent reminds me of my W. She is on the lower drive side. About 3 or so years ago, out of nowhere she had this massive libido spike. She needed to have sex every day, and even after we were done she was ready to go again soon after. She was asking me if this is what it was like for me, and how was I able to concentrate/function throughout the day if sex was always on my mind lol. Just like that, after about a week, it was all gone :crying: I have no clue what the heck it was, and can only dream about it happening again!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Cont...

If you are having unpleasant symptoms like hot flashes or unusual irritability etc your doctor may be able to prescribe hormonal treatment or HRT or something. 

But my heartfelt advice from the husband perspective is any time you feel one of those spikes coming on, drop whatever you are doing and grab your hubby and give him the ride of his life!!! ;-) :-D

You don't know how long this will last and it will give you both some fond memories and some good bonding time to look back on later.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> *Cont*...
> 
> If you are having unpleasant symptoms like hot flashes or unusual irritability etc your doctor may be able to prescribe hormonal treatment or HRT or something.
> 
> ...


Did you spell check that?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> Cont...
> 
> If you are having unpleasant symptoms like hot flashes or unusual irritability etc your doctor may be able to prescribe hormonal treatment or HRT or something.
> 
> ...


From her previous thread, her husband has health problems and she has to be a little careful with him and it is mostly her mental and emotional situation in dealing with this that has her up in arms.

She is already on HRT, I believe, and has been dealing with hormone issues since age 40 as well as being sexless with her husband for 6 years prior to her current hormone spike.


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## roseenglish1969 (Oct 19, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Welcome to my life since I turned 10.
> 
> You are experiencing hormone shifts to levels you are not use to dealing with.
> 
> ...


Thank you... I hate it though :frown2: I am no longer in control my body is. 

I dont get _those_ specific vaginal arousal alone type symptoms anymore and I pray they never come back to be honest. They did not make me want to have sex at all I just found them annoying uncomfortable and very worrying. I did not link those to these more "body and mind" thing as a whole. I am 50 I am for all intents and purposes im actually about 12 years old when it comes to this subject.

I feel very vunerable and scared like a child would I imagine if no one explained. I certainly never had this as a teenager why the Hell am I getting it now. Although i DO remember having mini orgasms as a child, I did not understand what the Hell they were but I know my vag was throbbing inside and I liked it. I asked my mum and she said "It means your becoming a woman" If they started NOW id be a wreck but as a child I didnt question them. why would i?

Im due on a period ANY day have all of the usual symptoms 

No I dont work out. I think the hot flushes are part of the same spike thing... sometimes they start with heat and there's a shift mentally it takes me a while to figure out whats happening, could be a hot flush or an anxiety attack or both but then im wanting sex and I NEED it now! Its a need ill rip his head off. I asked once and he said "Later" (He was tired after work) I snapped at him and said "But I need it now!" and then was ashamed at myself. Hes almost 50 and in a high stress job.... i feel like he does it "for" me....and thats an issue 

I got him some testosterone in the hopes it gives him back his sex drive.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

StillSearching said:


> Did you spell check that?


??????????


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She also experienced sexual trauma from being raped in her 20's, having 3 abortions, if I remember correctly, and giving a child up for adoption at age 17.

She also deals with anxiety.

I believe the majority of her problems are probably emotional and mental in origin.

The sex hormone spike is normal but an unsettling hurtle for her to cope with.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

roseenglish1969 said:


> Thank you... I hate it though :frown2: I am no longer in control my body is.
> 
> I dont get _those_ specific vaginal arousal alone type symptoms anymore and I pray they never come back to be honest. They did not make me want to have sex at all I just found them annoying uncomfortable and very worrying. I did not link those to these more "body and mind" thing as a whole. I am 50 I am for all intents and purposes im actually about 12 years old when it comes to this subject.
> 
> ...


I absolutely understand your "snappiness". Been there a lot and had to learn how to play with it and work it within myself so as to not be irrational and callous with my wife.

It sounds like you are doing some good work with this and are very caring and considerate with your husband.

Is he open to testosterone therapy?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> ??????????


I reference to vagina...sorry you missed it.


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## roseenglish1969 (Oct 19, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> She also experienced sexual trauma from being raped in her 20's, having 3 abortions, if I remember correctly, and giving a child up for adoption at age 17.
> 
> She also deals with anxiety.
> 
> ...


To be fair I dont know if any of those things are part of my issue they have been brought up in therapy as I guess they are obvious things to assume would case issues around sex but I am not frigid the thought of sex doesnt make me gag or anything but I have never had a physical need for it before. I have been responsive to seduction but never "needing" it. I could take it or leave it. 

Its more about not having the control, I feel out of control and that causes me anxiety. Were once I would masturbate leading up to my period perhaps once, now I feel like I am doing it because I HAVE to not because I want to. Thats the rub, suddenly I need sex I dont just want it, when I felt like it and YES I am now painfully aware this is probably how it feels to be a man and I can see with more empathy than I could before on that subject. 

I am trying to accept, Hell, I HAVE to but I think it was you that said I have gone from 0 to 100 and at a time in my life when I truly didnt need it. I find it annoying and distracting and I feel like I am creeping around waiting for it to highjack me. 

It helps just to know im not alone its not "weird" to feel things I am feeling physically


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## roseenglish1969 (Oct 19, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Oh. Well that bites.
> 
> Then I'd say find some young boy toy to be on stand-by and tell him that he needs to be ready to drop everything if he gets a phone call day or night.
> 
> This ain't gonna last long so might as well get the most fond memories out of it while it lasts.



Sorry double post. Ignore this


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## roseenglish1969 (Oct 19, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> REDACTED


The cookies made me laugh - Thank you 

Im not going to bang a young stud. I cant think of anything more hum? .....humiliating I would be so uptight of my ageing body compared to his firm one. 
I just want to not want to **** so much. As odd as that sounds! 
Anyway, I have no control over this BS so I have to "deal" 

Ive put the hubby on Testosterone gel (He wanted it! I didnt force him) because after those 6 years it turns out he has developed ED which was a surprise to him as much as me. He got some Viagra but me waiting for that to kick in was well.... not very romantic.

What a nightmare! lol


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

..….Let me put this in another way -

What would you do if you found out you had some incurable disease and you were going to be dead in a year but you felt great and were fully functional now?

How would you live your life now? What would you do with your remaining time? 


Menopause isn't necessarily the death of sexuality per se so it's not a completely fair analogy. 

But menopause is often the end of that spontaneous, innate and yearning desire that you feel in your soul. That "need" and that hunger and that innate yearning and that itch that just needs to be scratched will soon be gone forever. 

How do you want to live the remaining days of your innate sexuality? 

Yes, there are many post menopausal women that have satisfying sex lives. But the men in their lives are understanding and skilled lovers that are able to seduce and arouse them and provide the foreplay and the stimulation they need to be comfortable and for it to be pleasurable and satisfying. 

But sometimes it's that "need" that can't truly be satisfied and that thirst that can't be quenched and that hunger that can't be satiated that is the most delectable and exquisite. 

That's what will soon be gone forever.


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## roseenglish1969 (Oct 19, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> ..….Let me put this in another way -
> 
> What would you do if you found out you had some incurable disease and you were going to be dead in a year but you felt great and were fully functional now?
> 
> ...


It would not be fair to demand sex now just because I have needs for the first time in our reliationship. Its not fair to kick off and get pissed at him (although secretly I do) 
I dont fantasies about other men. Just him
The irony here is HE got the prize in our relationship. He was and is over weight and bald but I love him and he's a fantastic lover and I have always always always told him so. 
Hes not selfish at all.

But im not the young woman I was. I feel like ive put weight on and let myself go and now im crying for sex. I dont blame him.

I used to be a stunning woman. Im still not at all bad for my age but the last of my youth has faded and ive been cursed with this BS. 

Hes a good man. I could never betray him just because my needs have changed.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

roseenglish1969 said:


> It would not be fair to demand sex now just because I have needs for the first time in our reliationship. Its not fair to kick off and get pissed at him (although secretly I do)


Wrong!!!!!

You absolute *DO*have the right to ask him to step up to the plate and at least make an honest, sincere best effort to give you the love and attention you need. 


What you don't have the right to do is be passive and keep quiet and then be pissed at him that he isn't meeting your needs when you have not stepped up and expressed what your needs are and what you need from him. 

I call foul and BS on that. 

If you have fully expressed your needs and your feelings and what you need from him and he rejects you and stiff-arms you, then IMHO you have the right to seek it elsewhere or leave his arse behind. 

What you don't have the right to do is to be angry and resentful towards him and allow that to poison your relationship if you haven't made a full-faith effort to express your needs. 

Extra weight be dammed! if you need some extra love'n and special attention, then that is what you need.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> REDACTED.


I was being considerate of your oddness. It isn't an either/or situation in anyone's mind but your own. The rest of us deal with these issues with a far greater variety of solutions than infidelity, polygamy, polyandry or swing/swap lifestyles.

Your solution only works for cucks and swinger, swappers. Maybe start figuring out that you are not talking to those folks before tossing out that advice.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> Wrong!!!!!
> 
> You absolute *DO*have the right to ask him to step up to the plate and at least make an honest, sincere best effort to give you the love and attention you need.
> 
> ...


If you could start paying attention to her posts and stop trying to get her to hop into bed with you or otherwise cheat on her husband, you would realize her husband is a great guy and good husband who loves her just fine.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> If you could start paying attention to her posts and stop trying to get her to hop into bed with you or otherwise cheat on her husband, you would realize her husband is a great guy and good husband who loves her just fine.


OK maybe I'm missing something or misinformed about something - has she or has she not had a sexless marriage for the last 6 years???

Has he been rejecting her for 6 years and has he been rejecting her when she has been approaching him about needing sex during this period of hormonal spikes?
@roseenglish1969 can you please clarify for me?

If I misunderstood something and you actually do have a current marital sexlife and your H is making a good faith effort to take care of you, then yes I am out of line and some of the things I have said are not valid to the situation.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

It makes a huge difference because IMHO if someone has been rejecting their spouse for 6 years then all bets are off and anything goes as far as I'm concerned. 

If that is not the case then I'll go back and retract many of my statements. 

If it is the case then I am standing by them because someone who rejects their spouse for years on end does not deserve an exclusive spouse.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

Menopause played hell with my wife's sex drive. It went sky high, and stayed there. We were once a week, or every other week at the beginning of our marriage. In her mid forties menopause started. Our frequency increased. Now that she is post menopausal, we are at it every other day, if not every day. Cannot wipe the smile off my face.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

roseenglish1969 said:


> The cookies made me laugh - Thank you
> 
> Im not going to bang a young stud. I cant think of anything more hum? .....humiliating I would be so uptight of my ageing body compared to his firm one.
> I just want to not want to **** so much. As odd as that sounds!
> ...


Hope the T gel does the trick! Keep us updated. Sounds like you have a great husband!:smile2:


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## roseenglish1969 (Oct 19, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> OK maybe I'm missing something or misinformed about something - has she or has she not had a sexless marriage for the last 6 years???
> 
> Has he been rejecting her for 6 years and has he been rejecting her when she has been approaching him about needing sex during this period of hormonal spikes?
> 
> ...



Yes it was sexless but we both were okay with that. He had no drive I had no drive. Now I have spikes in drive so its caused an imbalance


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## roseenglish1969 (Oct 19, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Hope the T gel does the trick! Keep us updated. Sounds like you have a great husband!:smile2:


We just had sex tonight actually. I was crying when he came home and I was trying to explain how scared I am when these feelings happen from no where and I am at home alone and I hate to feel like he just goes along with it to please me or because I am crying. He told me I have been saying for a month now that I was due on for a period (I have had one a week all month ) so to him thats not a "green light" 

I understood and explained I was due on but I am not actually on my period at the moment and he replied he was going to have a shower and we were having sex to which I was all "No no no I dont want you doing it out of duty! I am fine" And I was. That;s the irony, my heart wasnt in it on this occasion but had to go along with it! lol It was good it always is but it goes to show how one minute im panting the next I am "whatever"


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In most cases a man will indeed still want to have sex even if out of duty.

😊 it's my duty to have sex if dear Wife wants to. It usually means she brought it up before I did is all.

But seriously, at least for many men, duty sex means the gf or W wants it, which means she'll be hot and into a good romp, which means it won't be duty sex to the man at that point. 

Go ahead "use me up", like the song says.

Kind of chicken or egg thing.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

roseenglish1969 said:


> Yes it was sexless but we both were okay with that. He had no drive I had no drive. Now I have spikes in drive so its caused an imbalance


OK I was under the impression that he was rejecting you and that you had been involuntarily sexless for the last 6 years and that he was stiff-arming you now that your libido was kicking into high gear. 

So yes, I was out of line and I apologize for earlier statements. I didn't get the right facts before spouting off and my statements were not applicable or appropriate to the situation. 

Now going forward - You have the right to have sexual wants and needs. You have the right to ask your H to meet those wants and needs. 

Just because you did not have those wants and needs earlier does not mean that you are not entitled to them now. 

We all change and fluxuate as time goes on throughout our lives and just because your libido wasn't high previously, that does not mean you must be condemned to live a sexless life now. 

Now as it turned out, your H WAS agreeable to trying to give you the love'n that you wanted the other day and that is awesome. If he is a living, breathing, red-blooded American male, he should be glad to try to step up to the plate and do what he can to take care of you. 

But even if he isn't, he is a big boy and can stand up and say up front that he does not want to have sex with you. (obviously that was not the case; I am just saying that if he didn't want to provide for your wants and needs, he's a big boy and can just say so) At that point you have made your needs known and he has given his answer so from there you can do whatever you think is best. 

My point here is today is today. You are just as entitled to a love and sex life as the next person - even if you didn't have much interest in it before. 

We all have changing needs and none of us are going to be exactly the same as we were 5, 10, 20, 30 years before. 

We all have to kind of go with the flow and make amendments and changes to continue life with our spouse as the years go by and we change and develop as people. 

Some times we are willing and able to make those changes and sometimes we are not. Part of adulting is to open and honest about our needs and another part of adulting is to be open and honest about what we are and what we are not willing to do for our spouse as they go through life and change as well. 

You asked - he made an honest effort to step up. That is good news. 

But what I want you to take away is that you have every right in the world to ask, even if it's something that you were not previously interested in or pursuing. 

He then has the right to accept and try to meet your needs. 

Or he has the right to say no. 

And if he says no, then you have the right to decide what will be best for you.


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## kimduhan (Feb 19, 2019)

We are still young so try to live sexual life without restrictions. We like to diversity our sex life and desires so decided to go to adult vacation to Prague where we tried the nuru massage here. It was really new and interesting kind of sensual experience.


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

It is not unusual for pre-menopausal women to have a spike in their libido. It is biology at work. Basically. the body is in overdrive to reproduce, even though it is not generally the best idea to do so at 50. The body knows its reproductive ability is coming to an end, and can go into hyperdrive. Talk to your doctor, and explain how unsettling it is. They may give you a mild anti-anxiety medication, or hormone supplement that should help make those periods less stressful for you. 

What is happening is normal. A difficult past is just making everything more noticeable, and difficult. Please, talk to your doctor, or even a therapist, and ask for the help that you deserve, to be able to transition into menopause, without the emotional upheaval that you're going through.


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