# frustrated and out of ideas



## longtimecoming (Apr 16, 2012)

back here a year later to seek advice. Last year my business went down the pan , total loss of confidence and some recriminations between my wife and I. I have strived to find other work and reboot the work whilst handling the family of 4 children as primary carer. Our sex life has been up and down, I tried introducing new areas and ways of making sex more satisfying particularly by being more explicit about what I wanted and how. as I wanted to try more variety wife was in the main ready to try different things including anal. However, the desire and expectations failed to match the reality and I became very confused that when faced with the opportunity for doing the very things I wanted my desire disappeared which hit me as a massive shock. 
Also, the outside bedroom issues still loom large and are brought up in the bedroom as we are supposedly about to begin doing something. This repeat behaviour week in week out is leaving me prostrated. I have been resorting to much greater levels of masturbation to relieve myself. But I still feel that our communication fails to result in improvements in satisfying my sexual needs. we tried using the bead approach signalling my wish to have sex but the time delay aspect of day plus one has reduced spontaneity which I believe is part and parcel of the mutual reciprocation of sexual loving. Moreover whilst she is overtly affectionate it does not turn into a sexual night on the tiles. It has got to the point where I cant sustain an erection inside her. OUr signals have got all mixed up and my resentment is getting in the way of intimacy that I crave. ::scratchhead:
I know I should relax to dissolve this short circuit - easier said than done. My anxiety is quite high.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

So you're having sporadic ED and you think it is connected to your lost business and how she has reacted to that? And because this is ongoing, your ED has morphed into performance anxiety and now you can have an erection while masturbating but can't keep it up with your wife?

Youre using too many metaphors to describe what's going on.


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