# I already know what I should do



## Ynot

But I am just putting this out there.
I have been dating this woman for about 6 weeks. Early on we had a discussion about expectations. She said she still believed in the institution of marriage and that she would like to get married at some point. I told her I didn't and could see no real reason to marry at this point in my life. 
Over the past several weeks, whenever we talk, she tells me she is really crazy about me and then asks if I am crazy about her. She has told me I am a great lover and then asks do I think she is a great lover. She has told me that she really misses me and then asks if I really miss her. The list goes on. 
My point is that I feel I am constantly being asked to validate her, even though she also tells me she would be fine if I decided to end it. We spent a lot of time together over Thanksgiving and I got sort of wigged out by being with just one person for that long of period of time. I chalked it up to me becoming used to being alone. We had a talk and she said she had the same feeling. So we decided to take things a little slower going forward.
Since then, the validation thing has only gotten worse. I think she is very insecure. She keeps telling me she does not want to get hurt. At the same time she keeps telling me she would be fine if I end it.
So on Saturday, I told her that I am uncomfortable continually being asked to validate her feelings by reciprocating. She asks and then expects a certain response. "I am really crazy about you! Are you crazy about me?" If I say "I enjoy spending time with you" It is usually followed with "You only enjoy being with me!? I am crazy about you!" So I told her, I cannot tell you I love you, because I do not. If you want me to say that, I am not going to lie! Her response was to get extremely upset. She started crying and said she had to go.
She called me back and told me she didn't want this to end and she was fine with moving forward. Then she said she had to go again. Then the texts started - she called me scum, said I was using her, told me I should be ashamed of myself etc etc. I finally replied with "WTH, I am just trying to be honest". The next day she sent me a text asking if I could call her. So I called her that evening. She said she was at a friends house having dinner and she would call me later. She did call me later, but my phone was turned off and I didn't see that she had called. I called her back and she didn't answer so I left her a voice mail. Then I saw I had a voice mail from her. She said I must be playing games since I wouldn't answer my phone. Then she texted me again that all of her friends said she should just move on. Then another text that I really mean a lot to her.
I just don't want the drama. I spent 24 years trying to be someone else to the detriment of who I am. I do not want to be in another relationship where I can not be honest. I understand that she may have expectations, but that doesn't mean I have to try to live up to them. So I am ending it.


----------



## Yeswecan

Drama overload. Run. Fast.


----------



## Bananapeel

Smart move deciding to end it. Life's too short to deal with the crazy.


----------



## ne9907

she sounds so needy... ugh.... 6 weeks??


----------



## Rowan

That much drama over a 6-week long relationship? I'd run far and fast from that level of neediness!

Take heart, though! There really are women out there who aren't baggage-laden drama queens. Promise!


----------



## browser

Ynot said:


> She keeps telling me she does not want to get hurt. At the same time she keeps telling me she would be fine if I end it..


That translates to "If you dump me I'm going to stick a knife in your back".


----------



## Satya

Push-pull behavior is very unhealthy. 
6 weeks is nothing and way too soon to be crazy about you. Next.


----------



## Bibi1031

Satya said:


> Push-pull behavior is very unhealthy.
> 6 weeks is nothing and way too soon to be crazy about you. Next.



Just make sure that "next" ain't crazy too. It seems that there is a lot of those out there. Dating is not fun at all.:surprise:


----------



## ne9907

browser said:


> That translates to "If you dump me I'm going to stick a knife in your back".


hahahaha love this~~

I too am crazy!

Maybe she doesn't know how to use her words correctly. I remember how MUCH Id hate when a guy I was dating would not return phone calls, texts, etc in a timely manner..... Now, I do not give a ****... if a guy doesn't return my communication attempts, I talk to him once, if nothing changes then I am done. I go onto the next one. I do not even bother "talking" to him again.

*{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.

February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/350914-posting-guidelines-forum-rules-2016-a.html }*


----------



## SunCMars

My answer is one you do not want to hear.

You want, you want, you want.

96% of women, 99% of women who have class want a man who wants them....exclusively.

You are interested in a friend with sexual benefits...and all the rest of the goodies.

Guess what?....Very few women want this long term. At first they will be OK with it. Once they begin to like you and trust you they want more. 

You are wasting their time and sucking them dry....literally.

I feel sorry for your exgf. Yes, you were honest, yes, you used her. Go out with ****s. Leave the good ones for the good guys.

*{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.

February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/350914-posting-guidelines-forum-rules-2016-a.html }*


----------



## browser

SunCMars said:


> You are wasting their time and sucking them dry....literally.
> 
> I feel sorry for your exgf. Yes, you were honest, yes, you used her. Go out with ****s. Leave the good ones for the good guys.


Disagree. Based on the information @Ynot provided she was a needy klingon almost from the start. He might very well be looking for something serious, exclusive, and long term, but the neediness just turned him off, and for good reason.


----------



## SunCMars

browser said:


> Disagree. Based on the information @Ynot provided she was a needy klingon almost from the start. He might very well be looking for something serious, exclusive, and long term, but the neediness just turned him off, and for good reason.


OK....maybe. He likely was loathe to DUMP her earlier. He made it worse....for her. She loves him. She might be a "KlingOn", but the gal has feelings and a good heart. 

He *WAITED TO LONG*.

Don't do this again.

Do not ride the wave, ride the thighs of some nice women and then weeks, months later....be honest and dump them. Have a heart, not [only] a hard-on.

I am being hard on OP for a reason.

He likes kibbles....what man does not? Be fair. Be fair with vulnerable women.


----------



## SunCMars

Satya said:


> Push-pull behavior is very unhealthy.
> 6 weeks is nothing and way too soon to be crazy about you. Next.


My niece is an odd bird. When she goes into a store she takes a quick look at the merchandise and buys something.
She know what she likes and does not beat around the thorn bushes. She hates to shop.

OP's girlfriend is like this. She saw what she liked and tried to close the deal.
6 weeks was not too early for her. She is not crazy...she is vulnerable. And she know what she wants.
She thought OP was a good thing....she was wrong. Wrong is sad...not crazy.


----------



## browser

SunCMars said:


> OK....maybe. He likely was loathe to DUMP her earlier. He made it worse....for her. She loves him. She might be a "KlingOn", but the gal has feelings and a good heart.
> 
> He *WAITED TO LONG*.


It's been 6 weeks. If she loves him, or is even attached to him to the point of being devastated, she's got some serious issues.



SunCMars said:


> Don't do this again.


 @Ynot would do well to ignore your poor advice. 

If he was to take it, he'd be under some sort of time constraint with each new relationship. "Oh no it's been a month.. 5 weeks.. getting close to the big 6 WEEK mark I better make a decision because I'm not being FAIR!"

Bunch of horesheat right there.


----------



## BetrayedDad

Ynot said:


> She has told me I am a great lover and then asks do I think she is a great lover.


You don't have a beard by chance OP do you?


----------



## Kivlor

SunCMars said:


> My answer is one you do not want to hear.
> 
> You want, you want, you want.
> 
> 96% of women, 99% of women who have class want a man who wants them....exclusively.
> 
> You are interested in a friend with sexual benefits...and all the rest of the goodies.
> 
> Guess what?....Very few women want this long term. At first they will be OK with it. Once they begin to like you and trust you they want more.
> 
> You are wasting their time and sucking them dry....literally.
> 
> I feel sorry for your exgf. Yes, you were honest, yes, you used her. Go out with slvts. Leave the good ones for the good guys.


SunC beat me to it.

If you're only interested in a good lay, make that clear at the beginning. Put down any attempts at a "relationship"

Don't lead girls on with the whole "I don't believe in marriage but you could persuade me" BS. Stick to girls who share your views on relationships.


----------



## Ynot

SunCMars said:


> My answer is one you do not want to hear.
> 
> You want, you want, you want.
> 
> 96% of women, 99% of women who have class want a man who wants them....exclusively.
> 
> You are interested in a friend with sexual benefits...and all the rest of the goodies.
> 
> Guess what?....Very few women want this long term. At first they will be OK with it. Once they begin to like you and trust you they want more.
> 
> You are wasting their time and sucking them dry....literally.
> 
> I feel sorry for your exgf. Yes, you were honest, yes, you used her. Go out with slvts. Leave the good ones for the good guys.


I never said I wasn't exclusive with her. In fact I was, I didn't even date other women while I was going out with her. I wasn't and I am not interested in a FWB. But I was hoping for a friendship to truly develop absent the pressure of immediate commitment. I am not upset. I was simply being honest with her. 

I am reasonably certain that few couples come to the conclusion of loving the other at the exact same moment. But according to you I should bail as soon as one of us would come to that conclusion while the other one hasn't.

Anyways, I was honest. When I realized that I could NOT make the commitment she was looking for I told her. I truly do not know what else I could do, other than follow your advise and bail immediately.


----------



## Affaircare

Just to be clear, here is what @Ynot said: 



> She said she still believed in the institution of marriage and that she would like to get married at some point. I told her I didn't and could see no real reason to marry at this point in my life.


 He did not say "I don't believe in marriage but you could persuade me."

@Ynot, 

Here's my 2 cents: this is not a good fit. End it. 

#1--If it's only 6 weeks in and she's "crazy about you", needs constant reassurance, and the minute you miss a call or text she's going off on you--she is showing you her true self and it will be like this with her. If a healthy person were dating you for 6 weeks, she might be wearing a t-shirt and inviting you to a ball game--and carrying on with her own life when she's not around you! 

#2--It sounds like you DO NOT want a committed relationship, but rather one that is casual and non-committal. I'm envisioning something closer to "friends with benefits" or an independent boyfriend/girlfriend relationship indefinitely. That's fine. That is what you would prefer and that is what you made clear. It sounds like she wants exclusivity and commitment. Thus, it's nothing personal--just not a good fit.

ETA: I'm not commenting here on morality or what I would do or Christian ethics--just replying to what YOU have determined for YOUR life and decided for yourself. Make sense? In other words, you didn't ask "What is right or wrong?" You've decided that for yourself. You essentially asked: "After reviewing I think I need to end it--right?"


----------



## Ynot

Kivlor said:


> SunC beat me to it.
> 
> If you're only interested in a good lay, make that clear at the beginning. Put down any attempts at a "relationship"
> 
> Don't lead girls on with the whole "I don't believe in marriage but you could persuade me" BS. Stick to girls who share your views on relationships.


I refer you to my response to SunC that preceeds this one.


----------



## Ynot

I think some of you are confusing marriage with commitment. One does not have to be married to be committed. 

I personally miss being married mostly because I imagined the commitment that went along with it. However, having just gone thru the legal unraveling I see no need for marriage at this point. I would love to find a woman to whom we could mutually commit to each other.

Honestly, this dating "game" I find myself in, is not something I ever envisioned for myself at this point in time. I am going to make mistakes. But that is how we learn.


----------



## Hope1964

All I could think of when reading the OP was the movie Fatal Attraction.


----------



## Kivlor

Ynot said:


> I think some of you are confusing marriage with commitment. One does not have to be married to be committed.
> 
> I personally miss being married mostly because I imagined the commitment that went along with it. However, having just gone thru the legal unraveling I see no need for marriage at this point. I would love to find a woman to whom we could mutually commit to each other.
> 
> Honestly, this dating "game" I find myself in, is not something I ever envisioned for myself at this point in time. I am going to make mistakes. But that is how we learn.


Ynot, I'm not confusing them. I'm saying that many (most?) women want the actual piece of paper. You and I may agree it's just a piece of paper, but they don't see it that way. 

If you aren't willing to go there, and in fact, don't "believe in the institution of marriage" then you should just make that clear. Don't put in weasel words that give the impression you can be changed. They'll think you're like every other guy out there who has "commitment issues" and that you'll come around; when that's not what is up. You just don't want to get the paper--and you shouldn't have to.

I'm not saying you did this with nefarious intent, but the result is as SunC and I were describing.


----------



## Kivlor

Affaircare said:


> Just to be clear, here is what Ynot said:
> 
> He did not say "I don't believe in marriage but you could persuade me."


No, I reworded it to try to point out that he is using weasel words. I see that it went right past the commenters here. So let me spell it out:

Weasel words leave room for wiggling, so you don't have to commit to a statement. If you are serious about something, you don't use weasel words. You state it. Flatly. 

When you say "at this point in my life" what she is thinking is "I wasn't in his life before this point" and what she is hearing is "his mind can be changed due to new circumstances". In other words, that new point is here. She is the new circumstance. Don't give someone that kind of hope, when it doesn't exist, it is cruel.


----------



## Ynot

Kivlor said:


> No, I reworded it to try to point out that he is using weasel words. I see that it went right past the commenters here. So let me spell it out:
> 
> Weasel words leave room for wiggling, so you don't have to commit to a statement. If you are serious about something, you don't use weasel words. You state it. Flatly.
> 
> When you say "at this point in my life" what she is thinking is "I wasn't in his life before this point" and what she is hearing is "his mind can be changed due to new circumstances". In other words, that new point is here. She is the new circumstance. Don't give someone that kind of hope, when it doesn't exist, it is cruel.


Actually "at this point in my life" meant exactly that. I am not ruling it out, but right now, where I am at I don't see it happening. I would be lying if I said I absolutely do or absolutely do not believe in marriage. But right now I don't know. So which is better to be honest at the beginning and the end or to lie about something at the beginning and have to backtrack at the end?
Heck I can't even begin to tell you all of the things that I have changed my mind about from what I believed at some other point in my life.


----------



## Kivlor

Ynot said:


> Actually "at this point in my life" meant exactly that. I am not ruling it out, but right now, where I am at I don't see it happening. I would be lying if I said I absolutely do or absolutely do not believe in marriage. But right now I don't know. So which is better to be honest at the beginning and the end or to lie about something at the beginning and have to backtrack at the end?
> Heck I can't even begin to tell you all of the things that I have changed my mind about from what I believed at some other point in my life.


Personally, I would say that if marriage is off the table, I'd state it that way. For the exact reason I quoted. She will see her entry into your life as that future point, and herself as the catalyst for changing your mind.

If later in life you want to start looking for someone to marry, then tell your partner circumstances have changed, and that you're feeling like marriage. If she's not down, cut her loose and look for someone who is. 

Same thing with kids. If you don't want kids, don't use weasel words. Say "I'm planning a vasectomy. I don't want kids". If you're not taking vows "til death do us part" then you need not feel bad about having your mind change later. You were honest about what you want. Your desires changed.

But I may not be the right person for this topic. I value honesty highly. To each their own, I suppose.


----------



## Relationship Teacher

Ynot said:


> But I am just putting this out there.
> I have been dating this woman for about 6 weeks. Early on we had a discussion about expectations. She said she still believed in the institution of marriage and that she would like to get married at some point. I told her I didn't and could see no real reason to marry at this point in my life.
> Over the past several weeks, whenever we talk, she tells me she is really crazy about me and then asks if I am crazy about her. She has told me I am a great lover and then asks do I think she is a great lover. She has told me that she really misses me and then asks if I really miss her. The list goes on.


You have expressed your desire to not marry in a healthy way.

She is exhibiting insecurity and lack of impulse control.



> My point is that I feel I am constantly being asked to validate her, even though she also tells me she would be fine if I decided to end it. We spent a lot of time together over Thanksgiving and I got sort of wigged out by being with just one person for that long of period of time. I chalked it up to me becoming used to being alone. We had a talk and she said she had the same feeling. So we decided to take things a little slower going forward.
> Since then, the validation thing has only gotten worse. I think she is very insecure. She keeps telling me she does not want to get hurt. At the same time she keeps telling me she would be fine if I end it.


Validation has to come from the self. The hardest thing to do is be responsible for both person's emotions.



> So on Saturday, I told her that I am uncomfortable continually being asked to validate her feelings by reciprocating. She asks and then expects a certain response. "I am really crazy about you! Are you crazy about me?" If I say "I enjoy spending time with you" It is usually followed with "You only enjoy being with me!? I am crazy about you!" So I told her, I cannot tell you I love you, because I do not. If you want me to say that, I am not going to lie! Her response was to get extremely upset. She started crying and said she had to go.


Generally speaking, I'd say that she is not self-happy. This means that her emotional self-regulation and management is probably a 60/100. Expect a lot of "innocent victimhood."



> She called me back and told me she didn't want this to end and she was fine with moving forward. Then she said she had to go again. Then the texts started - she called me scum, said I was using her, told me I should be ashamed of myself etc etc.


The externalized negativity is a manipulative ploy. You are (in her world) supposed to go fix her feelings, backing down from what you said and chase her.




> I finally replied with "WTH, I am just trying to be honest". The next day she sent me a text asking if I could call her. So I called her that evening. She said she was at a friends house having dinner and she would call me later. She did call me later, but my phone was turned off and I didn't see that she had called. I called her back and she didn't answer so I left her a voice mail. Then I saw I had a voice mail from her. She said I must be playing games since I wouldn't answer my phone. Then she texted me again that all of her friends said she should just move on. Then another text that I really mean a lot to her.
> I just don't want the drama. I spent 24 years trying to be someone else to the detriment of who I am. I do not want to be in another relationship where I can not be honest. I understand that she may have expectations, but that doesn't mean I have to try to live up to them. So I am ending it.


She needs emotional retraining. This will NOT end without something along the lines of a therapeutic approach. This requires scores of hours of work on the self.


----------



## Ynot

Kivlor said:


> Personally, I would say that if marriage is off the table, I'd state it that way. For the exact reason I quoted. She will see her entry into your life as that future point, and herself as the catalyst for changing your mind.
> 
> If later in life you want to start looking for someone to marry, then tell your partner circumstances have changed, and that you're feeling like marriage. If she's not down, cut her loose and look for someone who is.
> 
> Same thing with kids. If you don't want kids, don't use weasel words. Say "I'm planning a vasectomy. I don't want kids". If you're not taking vows "til death do us part" then you need not feel bad about having your mind change later. You were honest about what you want. Your desires changed.
> 
> But I may not be the right person for this topic. I value honesty highly. To each their own, I suppose.


I value honesty highly as well. And I was honest in both circumstances. At the beginning and now at the end.

I don't understand absolutes if you are given the out that you just changed your mind. To me that is being dishonest. You can say whatever you want and just change your mind later. Would I have been more honest if I had said I value marriage and later said I changed my mind?


----------



## Cooper

OK, I quit reading, wayyyy to much discussion, to many words.

Not a match, move on. Really that simple.


----------



## Kivlor

Ynot said:


> I value honesty highly as well. And I was honest in both circumstances. At the beginning and now at the end.
> 
> I don't understand absolutes if you are given the out that you just changed your mind. To me that is being dishonest. You can say whatever you want and just change your mind later. Would I have been more honest if I had said I value marriage and later said I changed my mind?


Great question. In my opinion, it would not to be dishonest to tell someone you are interested in marriage if you are and then find yourself later not interested in marriage at all. Now if you've gotten married and decided that you just didn't like marriage that would pose a problem with your vows. To remain honest it would be incumbent upon you to find a way to deal with that problem.

I think the real problem with your situation is that most people do not view commitment the same way you do in practice. Sure they may in theory, but when it comes to actual human interaction Theory goes out the window.


----------



## SunCMars

Relationship Teacher said:


> You have expressed your desire to not marry in a healthy way.
> 
> She is exhibiting insecurity and lack of impulse control.
> 
> 
> 
> Validation has to come from the self. The hardest thing to do is be responsible for both person's emotions.
> 
> 
> Generally speaking, I'd say that she is not self-happy. This means that her emotional self-regulation and management is probably a 60/100. Expect a lot of "innocent victimhood."
> 
> 
> The externalized negativity is a manipulative ploy. You are (in her world) supposed to go fix her feelings, backing down from what you said and chase her.
> 
> 
> 
> First off, most of what you wrote is true.
> But being true makes this a long term repair project for whoever she falls for next. I pray to God that there is a "next" guy in her life.
> 
> Logic may be steel, but heart pain is acid to that steel. Emotional hurt is every bit as strong as a swinging hammer.... where/whe ****-Sapiens are involved.
> 
> She can go to individual therapy school for years. When she graduates, she will have her logic hat [with honors tassel] put straight onto her head.
> 
> As soon as her heart, as soon as her hormones, as soon as her love button is pushed, the tassled hat will slip down. Slip down, covering one eye, blocking her lying ears to the reality that she is a monogamous lover of men and that "some" men want her for their personal pleasure.
> 
> We cannot stop war. We cannot stop murder. We cannot stop jealousy. We cannot stop avarice. We cannot stop dishonesty, greed, selfishness or theft.
> 
> And we cannot stop some women from loving some man.
> 
> A women without love is a boobed shell.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> She needs emotional retraining. This will NOT end without something along the lines of a therapeutic approach. This requires scores of hours of work on the self.


----------



## Evinrude58

So ynot, was she marriage material? A good woman? 

Did you just not think you'd ever feel that strongly about her?

Did she do it for you physically? Mentally? We're you compatible?

I get the not going for marriage again. But nothing wrong with her liking you a lot. Most guys would like that.
Was she just smothering you?


----------



## Relationship Teacher

This is all one needs to know about this behavior.


----------



## Rowan

Evinrude58 said:


> So ynot, was she marriage material? A good woman?
> 
> Did you just not think you'd ever feel that strongly about her?
> 
> Did she do it for you physically? Mentally? We're you compatible?
> 
> I get the not going for marriage again. But nothing wrong with her liking you a lot. Most guys would like that.
> Was she just smothering you?


I'm a little gobsmacked that folks think he should even be able to answer all these questions definitively after only knowing this woman for 6 weeks. That's less than two months. I go longer than that between hair color appointments! Even with my SO, at the 6 week mark, we were still getting to know one another. We were exclusive and having a great time together learning about one another, but I would have been hard pressed to honestly say whether or not I saw possible marriage in our future or even long-term deep compatibility. 

Are other people really finding 6 weeks long enough to know whether a new partner is marriage material or a potential long-term love? Maybe I'm just slower than most. But honestly, the level of intensity and drama that this gal was displaying, coming from a guy at the less than two months point, would have scared the hell out of me and had me running for the hills.


----------



## Married but Happy

You dodged a problem. Don't get back together with her - move on.


----------



## Evinrude58

Rowan said:


> I'm a little gobsmacked that folks think he should even be able to answer all these questions definitively after only knowing this woman for 6 weeks. That's less than two months. I go longer than that between hair color appointments! Even with my SO, at the 6 week mark, we were still getting to know one another. We were exclusive and having a great time together learning about one another, but I would have been hard pressed to honestly say whether or not I saw possible marriage in our future or even long-term deep compatibility.
> 
> Are other people really finding 6 weeks long enough to know whether a new partner is marriage material or a potential long-term love? Maybe I'm just slower than most. But honestly, the level of intensity and drama that this gal was displaying, coming from a guy at the less than two months point, would have scared the hell out of me and had me running for the hills.


6 weeks is long enough to see if one likes them enough to possibly consider it if things went well, as far as liking them--- to ME.
The girls in my life that I've really liked--- only been 4---
Yeah, I thought they might be marriage material at 6 weeks. And I was crazy about them at 6 weeks. When I got to know the real them, I later changed.
Likely ynot just for whatever reason didn't care for this woman that much. 
He was honest as can be expected, I think. She did sound pushy and needy and desperate. He's not.
Nothing wrong me with that.
He did the right thing. If he wasn't that high on her--- send her down the road. It's the risk one takes when investing feelings. Sadly, the old girl invested before she should have. Sounds like he was honest with her all along and never told her he loved her.


----------



## happy as a clam

Ynot said:


> I think some of you are confusing marriage with commitment. One does not have to be married to be committed.
> 
> I personally miss being married mostly because I imagined the commitment that went along with it. However, having just gone thru the legal unraveling I see no need for marriage at this point. I would love to find a woman to whom we could mutually commit to each other.
> 
> Honestly, this dating "game" I find myself in, is not something I ever envisioned for myself at this point in time. I am going to make mistakes. But that is how we learn.


Agree completely on your "no need for marriage" comment. After 20 years of marriage and a long, messy divorce I am in a happy LTR and see no need to ever get married again. My SO feels exactly the same way.

You did the right thing moving on from this one.


----------



## arbitrator

Ynot said:


> But I am just putting this out there.
> I have been dating this woman for about 6 weeks. Early on we had a discussion about expectations. She said she still believed in the institution of marriage and that she would like to get married at some point. I told her I didn't and could see no real reason to marry at this point in my life.
> Over the past several weeks, whenever we talk, she tells me she is really crazy about me and then asks if I am crazy about her. She has told me I am a great lover and then asks do I think she is a great lover. She has told me that she really misses me and then asks if I really miss her. The list goes on.
> My point is that I feel I am constantly being asked to validate her, even though she also tells me she would be fine if I decided to end it. We spent a lot of time together over Thanksgiving and I got sort of wigged out by being with just one person for that long of period of time. I chalked it up to me becoming used to being alone. We had a talk and she said she had the same feeling. So we decided to take things a little slower going forward.
> Since then, the validation thing has only gotten worse. I think she is very insecure. She keeps telling me she does not want to get hurt. At the same time she keeps telling me she would be fine if I end it.
> So on Saturday, I told her that I am uncomfortable continually being asked to validate her feelings by reciprocating. She asks and then expects a certain response. "I am really crazy about you! Are you crazy about me?" If I say "I enjoy spending time with you" It is usually followed with "You only enjoy being with me!? I am crazy about you!" So I told her, I cannot tell you I love you, because I do not. If you want me to say that, I am not going to lie! Her response was to get extremely upset. She started crying and said she had to go.
> She called me back and told me she didn't want this to end and she was fine with moving forward. Then she said she had to go again. Then the texts started - she called me scum, said I was using her, told me I should be ashamed of myself etc etc. I finally replied with "WTH, I am just trying to be honest". The next day she sent me a text asking if I could call her. So I called her that evening. She said she was at a friends house having dinner and she would call me later. She did call me later, but my phone was turned off and I didn't see that she had called. I called her back and she didn't answer so I left her a voice mail. Then I saw I had a voice mail from her. She said I must be playing games since I wouldn't answer my phone. Then she texted me again that all of her friends said she should just move on. Then another text that I really mean a lot to her.
> I just don't want the drama. I spent 24 years trying to be someone else to the detriment of who I am. I do not want to be in another relationship where I can not be honest. I understand that she may have expectations, but that doesn't mean I have to try to live up to them. So I am ending it.


*Always trust your "gut instincts!" They prohibitively will tell you more than you'll ever need to know!*


----------



## txcouple903

I just wanted to say that not all women see marriage paper's as important. My ex wife clearly told me our marriage license was just as piece of paper. Maybe she is in the minority on this but I doubt that since she wants to marry her boyfriend who doesn't really want to marry her but she sure does push it. I agree with the OP because right now I'm not looking to get married anytime soon or go out dating. I'm focusing on my children because they need me more then ever right now. Maybe I just picked a bad apple.

Sent from my 5054N using Tapatalk


----------



## pattyreed2011

Ynot said:


> But I am just putting this out there.
> I have been dating this woman for about 6 weeks. Early on we had a discussion about expectations. She said she still believed in the institution of marriage and that she would like to get married at some point. I told her I didn't and could see no real reason to marry at this point in my life.
> Over the past several weeks, whenever we talk, she tells me she is really crazy about me and then asks if I am crazy about her. She has told me I am a great lover and then asks do I think she is a great lover. She has told me that she really misses me and then asks if I really miss her. The list goes on.
> My point is that I feel I am constantly being asked to validate her, even though she also tells me she would be fine if I decided to end it. We spent a lot of time together over Thanksgiving and I got sort of wigged out by being with just one person for that long of period of time. I chalked it up to me becoming used to being alone. We had a talk and she said she had the same feeling. So we decided to take things a little slower going forward.
> Since then, the validation thing has only gotten worse. I think she is very insecure. She keeps telling me she does not want to get hurt. At the same time she keeps telling me she would be fine if I end it.
> So on Saturday, I told her that I am uncomfortable continually being asked to validate her feelings by reciprocating. She asks and then expects a certain response. "I am really crazy about you! Are you crazy about me?" If I say "I enjoy spending time with you" It is usually followed with "You only enjoy being with me!? I am crazy about you!" So I told her, I cannot tell you I love you, because I do not. If you want me to say that, I am not going to lie! Her response was to get extremely upset. She started crying and said she had to go.
> She called me back and told me she didn't want this to end and she was fine with moving forward. Then she said she had to go again. Then the texts started - she called me scum, said I was using her, told me I should be ashamed of myself etc etc. I finally replied with "WTH, I am just trying to be honest". The next day she sent me a text asking if I could call her. So I called her that evening. She said she was at a friends house having dinner and she would call me later. She did call me later, but my phone was turned off and I didn't see that she had called. I called her back and she didn't answer so I left her a voice mail. Then I saw I had a voice mail from her. She said I must be playing games since I wouldn't answer my phone. Then she texted me again that all of her friends said she should just move on. Then another text that I really mean a lot to her.
> I just don't want the drama. I spent 24 years trying to be someone else to the detriment of who I am. I do not want to be in another relationship where I can not be honest. I understand that she may have expectations, but that doesn't mean I have to try to live up to them. So I am ending it.


Learn to live without a woman. 

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


----------



## 3Xnocharm

Ynot did good here. He let her know from the get go he was not interested in marriage. She was desperately needy, seeking constant validation. How annoying!! She sounded pretty psycho to me, the way she went off on him, then in practically the next breath clinging onto him saying how much she likes him. 

NEXT.


----------



## browser

Kivlor said:


> If you aren't willing to go there, and in fact, don't "believe in the institution of marriage" then you should just make that clear. Don't put in weasel words that give the impression you can be changed.
> I'm not saying you did this with nefarious intent, but the result is as SunC and I were describing.


 @Ynot made it clear that he's not interested in marriage at this point in his life.

That says enough. Who knows if it might change down the line? People dead set against marriage sometimes change their minds, who knows?

He made it clear that marriage is off the table indefinitely and possibly forever.

That's ALL he's gotta say. 



Kivlor said:


> They'll think you're like every other guy out there who has "commitment issues" and that you'll come around


They can think anything they want, and that's THEIR problem. Not his. Or any other guy who says he's not interested in marriage at that particular time, with no promises that things will change in the future.


----------



## pattyreed2011

browser said:


> @Ynot made it clear that he's not interested in marriage at this point in his life.
> 
> That says enough. Who knows if it might change down the line? People dead set against marriage sometimes change their minds, who knows?
> 
> He made it clear that marriage is off the table indefinitely and possibly forever.
> 
> That's ALL he's gotta say.
> 
> 
> 
> They can think anything they want, and that's THEIR problem. Not his. Or any other guy who says he's not interested in marriage at that particular time, with no promises that things will change in the future.


Who's clingy? Can he be without a woman?

Sent from my LGMS631 using Tapatalk


----------



## browser

pattyreed2011 said:


> Who's clingy? Can he be without a woman?
> 
> Sent from my LGMS631 using Tapatalk


I can't speak for @Ynot but I can relate because I've been in a similar position in the past, after my own divorce 10 years ago.

Marriage is completely off the table, it aint never gonna happen I have absolutely no doubt about that and I make it clear from date 1. I may have even had it on my dating profile at one time. So I take a somewhat stronger stand on the matter than @Ynot but it's really not all that different.

I've never been single for more than a few months in the past 30+ years of my life. After my divorce, and in between my various relationships which have ranged from months to years, I'd try to give myself a break to heal but that usually only lasted for a few days then I'd find myself back on line chatting and setting up dates for the following weekend. 

Does this mean I cannot be alone and or that I'm clingy? That I cannot be without a woman?

I don't know. I choose not to be without one because they're soft and sexy and smell nice and their hands feel better on me than my own.


----------



## Ynot

pattyreed2011 said:


> Who's clingy? Can he be without a woman?
> 
> Sent from my LGMS631 using Tapatalk


Um, yeah. Did I ever say I needed a woman? I was not the one seeking constant validation. How does that make me clingy?


----------



## bkyln309

I would dump her ASAP. She sounds crazy and high maintenance. No sense in keeping her around if she is not a longer term prospect. Honestly she sounds like more trouble than she is worth. 

I will say I would rather a man tell me upfront marriage is totally off the table so I can make decisions whether or not I want to date him. And I have no problem if he changes his mind down the road.

My current BF is in the never going to marry again category. It will be two years in March. I felt the same way when we started dating. I am still not sure but I am slowly considering maybe I could. It wouldnt be with him though as I dont see him as marriage material even though he is a good enough BF.


----------



## pattyreed2011

Well then let her go

Sent from my LGMS631 using Tapatalk


----------



## browser

pattyreed2011 said:


> Well then let her go
> 
> Sent from my LGMS631 using Tapatalk


I too, would like to know where you come up with the idea that @Ynot is clingy, based on his posts on this thread. Because I'm just not seeing it and I want to be educated.


----------



## pattyreed2011

browser said:


> I too, would like to know where you come up with the idea that @Ynot is clingy, based on his posts on this thread. Because I'm just not seeing it and I want to be educated.


Well then let her go but he won't. 

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


----------



## pattyreed2011

pattyreed2011 said:


> Well then let her go but he won't.
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


Stop clinging on to her and let her go.

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


----------



## browser

I missed the part where he posted anything remotely to the effect of "I am clinging to her".

He wrote this in his very first post.



Ynot said:


> I understand that she may have expectations, but that doesn't mean I have to try to live up to them. So I am ending it.


"End" to me, means the same thing as "finish".


----------



## Rowan

pattyreed2011 said:


> Stop clinging on to her and let her go.
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


Ummm, didn't he already break it off with her? I thought he said as much in his initial post on this thread. :scratchhead:


----------



## browser

Rowan said:


> Ummm, didn't he already break it off with her? I thought he said as much in his initial post on this thread. :scratchhead:


Yeah I posted that, then I just went through the thread to see where @Ynot said he's clinging to her and not breaking up with her, as per @pattyreed2011 and I came up empty.


----------



## pattyreed2011

Then why is still talking about it. Move on.

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


----------



## browser

pattyreed2011 said:


> Then why is still talking about it. Move on.


 @Ynot is talking about it, because it is a good point, which is how to handle excessively clingy women early in a relationship.

Believe it or not @pattyreed2011, people talk about recent or past experiences so they can get feedback from others, learn more about themselves, improve their lives and not repeat past mistakes.


----------



## Ynot

I don't know? Why I am still talking about it?. I didn't even realize I really was. I guess I was just responding to things other people may have said on a thread that I started? I've been out and about, not using tapatalk to post from some mobile device. So when I've been talking? I'd sure like to know.
I guess we could all keep everything all balled inside and wonder why we have sunken into the swirl of circular reasoning? Honestly, if we don't test our ideas and learn from them, and multiply that learning from listening to the thoughts of others, why even bother engaging at all?


----------



## pattyreed2011

Ynot said:


> I don't know, why I am still talking about. I didn't even realize I really was. I guess I was just responding to things other people may have said on a thread that I started? I guess we could all keep everything all balled inside and wonder why we have sunken into the swirl of circular reasoning? Honestly, if we don't test our ideas and learn from them, and multiply that learning from listening to the thoughts of others, why even bother engaging at all?


Why are you engaged in a past that you don't want?

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


----------



## Ynot

pattyreed2011 said:


> Why are you engaged in a past that you don't want?
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


No comprende. I am just responding things that others have said. It is called an exchange of ideas. People engage in THOSE all of the times. It is how we communicate with each other. Some people call it a conversation. 
As for this one? I have come and gone. There have been multiple sequential posts by people other than myself. Even this post is simply in response to the one I quoted.


----------



## pattyreed2011

Ynot said:


> No comprende. I am just responding things that others have said. It is called an exchange of ideas. People engage in THOSE all of the times. It is how we communicate with each other. Some people call it a conversation.
> As for this one? I have come and gone. There have been multiple sequential posts by people other than myself. Even this post is simply in response to the one I quoted.


Can your thoughts be entwined in more interesting topics other than relationships that you don't want?

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


----------



## WorkingOnMe

pattyreed2011 said:


> Can your thoughts be entwined in more interesting topics other than relationships that you don't want?
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk




Who are you to judge what topics he should be involved in or what he should find interesting?


----------



## pattyreed2011

WorkingOnMe said:


> Who are you to judge what topics he should be involved in or what he should find interesting?


 Its just a question you don't have to be so bitter.

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


----------



## Ynot

pattyreed2011 said:


> Can your thoughts be entwined in more interesting topics other than relationships that you don't want?
> 
> Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


My thoughts are entwined in more interesting topics. I am self employed. I made a substantial amount of money today. I researched and completed six jobs today. Tomorrow I plan to make even more. From there it just keeps building. 
Oh, yeah, I went and had lunch with my daughter today, afterwards we ran to Walmart. We spent about an hour chatting over a nice lunch. We enjoyed a nice rambling discussion Later we drove to a nearby Walmart and bought snow scrapers for our cars. She even bought more Christmas lights. We had to look all over the store.
But before I left, I shoveled my drive first. When I got back I did it again. And then again later in the afternoon. Later I went for a nice hike in the falling snow, checking out the beautiful vistas that mother nature has gifted us today. When, I got back, shoveled it again. I salted it every time as well. 
I practiced my guitar. I just started lessons about three months ago. I am learning so much. Working on chord changes, hammer downs and pull downs. Still can't get my warm ups down altogether, but I am getting better. I have another lesson tomorrow. 
Yesterday was much the same except I had two inspections thrown into the mix, where I had to drive to an adjacent county. But I still completed five jobs
The day before that I was in a classroom teaching. Spending ten hours in front of about 45 students is somewhat daunting. It requires my absolute attention.
I don't know my thoughts seem to be pretty entwined in other more interesting topics than a relationship I do not want. But then, that's just me thinking.Really, who the heck do I think I am, claiming to know what I think? 
Whodathunkit?


----------



## pattyreed2011

Ynot said:


> My thoughts are entwined in more interesting topics. I am self employed. I made a substantial amount of money today. I researched and completed six jobs today. Tomorrow I plan to make even more. From there it just keeps building. Oh, yeah, I went and had lunch with my daughter today. I shoveled my drive first. When I got back I did it again. And then again later in the afternoon. Later I went for a nice hike in the falling snow, checking out the beautiful vistas that mother nature has gifted us today. When, I got back, shoveled it again. I salted it every time as well. I practiced my guitar. I just started lessons about three months ago. I am learning so much.
> Yesterday was much the same except I had two inspections thrown into the mix, where I had to drive to an adjacent county.
> The day before that I was in a classroom teaching.
> I don't know my thoughts seem to be pretty entwined in other more interesting topics than a relationship I do not want. But then, that's just me thinking.Really, who the heck do I think I am, claiming to know what I think?
> Whodathunkit?


Oh wow! So what kind of books do you like to read? What do you teach?

Sent from my LGMS631 using Tapatalk


----------



## SunCMars

Ynot;17043418 But then said:


> As long as you keep thinking you are good.
> 
> Acting on impulse is fraught with danger. This is not you.
> 
> Good Job!


----------



## pattyreed2011

SunCMars said:


> As long as you keep thinking you are good.
> 
> Acting on impulse is fraught with danger. This is not you.
> 
> Good Job!


I asked my initial question by using the word thinking because I didn't want to use the word obsessing.

Sent from my LGMS330 using Tapatalk


----------



## Ynot

So I started this thread before Xmas. After all that happened, the woman in my post called me on the phone. She said I had completely misunderstood her. She claimed that she had not been talking about actually loving me. Instead, she said she loved having sex with me. I am not ready for a LTR just yet, so a FWB arrangement sounded fine with me. So we continued seeing each other once a week. usually on the week end, pretty much just to have sex. Well over the past couple of weeks she started back with the whole "I heart you, a lot!" and telling me how much she enjoys spending time with me (even though is has been almost completely spent having sex). 
She had spent the night Friday night, but said she had to leave early on Saturday for a hair appointment. We went to dinner and she said some things that I took some offense to concerning my ex-wife and why she left me. She then made some other comments that irked me as well. I kept my mouth shut but it still bothered me.
After she left I found a sweater hanging on my door that she had forgot. I called her within minutes of her leaving. She didn't answer and never called me back until hours later. In the meantime I enjoyed my day. I went to break fast, did some paperwork, went to a gun and fishing show, did an inspection, meant my new neighbor, and then started planning out my new addition. About 6PM she texted me. I was busy and didn't answer. Then she called me about 20 minutes later.
She started off telling me about how bad her day was. She had just had a bad day. She didn't know why. I said I was sort she had a bad day. Apparently I didn't respond in whatever manner she wanted. So she got upset and started crying. I told, that since she didn't know why she had a bad day, I surely didn't know but I was still sorry she had had a bad day. Then she started carrying on about how I was just living my life and wasn't including her. I told her I was giving her all I could give her. I had other priorities. If she couldn't accept that I completely understood and would not be upset. So she started crying. She said she had to go. Ok Goodbye.
About 30 minutes later the texts started "**** YOU!" "You deserve the worst!", "You sick ****!", "I am so done with you!". I didn't respond. About two hours later I got a text about how sorry she was and how much she loved me. Then the next day another apology. Now I really know what I need to do. I learned a lot, and I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

*{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.

February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/350914-posting-guidelines-forum-rules-2016-a.html }*


----------



## Hopeful Cynic

browser said:


> @Ynot made it clear that he's not interested in marriage at this point in his life.
> 
> That says enough. Who knows if it might change down the line? People dead set against marriage sometimes change their minds, who knows?
> 
> He made it clear that marriage is off the table indefinitely and possibly forever.
> 
> That's ALL he's gotta say.
> 
> They can think anything they want, and that's THEIR problem. Not his. Or any other guy who says he's not interested in marriage at that particular time, with no promises that things will change in the future.


If you know someone is misinterpreting you, it doesn't matter that you believe you are being honest. It's up to you to make sure the person truly understands you.

When he said "I'm not interested in marriage right now" she clearly understood there to be a caveat of "but maybe you can be the one to change that." And then he went and kept getting together with her, which is pretty much using her misinterpretation to forward his own agenda.


----------



## Bibi1031

Ynot said:


> So I started this thread before Xmas. After all that happened, the woman in my post called me on the phone. She said I had completely misunderstood her. She claimed that she had not been talking about actually loving me. Instead, she said she loved having sex with me. I am not ready for a LTR just yet, so a FWB arrangement sounded fine with me. So we continued seeing each other once a week. usually on the week end, pretty much just to have sex. Well over the past couple of weeks she started back with the whole "I heart you, a lot!" and telling me how much she enjoys spending time with me (even though is has been almost completely spent having sex).
> She had spent the night Friday night, but said she had to leave early on Saturday for a hair appointment. We went to dinner and she said some things that I took some offense to concerning my ex-wife and why she left me. She then made some other comments that irked me as well. I kept my mouth shut but it still bothered me.
> After she left I found a sweater hanging on my door that she had forgot. I called her within minutes of her leaving. She didn't answer and never called me back until hours later. In the meantime I enjoyed my day. I went to break fast, did some paperwork, went to a gun and fishing show, did an inspection, meant my new neighbor, and then started planning out my new addition. About 6PM she texted me. I was busy and didn't answer. Then she called me about 20 minutes later.
> She started off telling me about how bad her day was. She had just had a bad day. She didn't know why. I said I was sort she had a bad day. Apparently I didn't respond in whatever manner she wanted. So she got upset and started crying. I told, that since she didn't know why she had a bad day, I surely didn't know but I was still sorry she had had a bad day. Then she started carrying on about how I was just living my life and wasn't including her. I told her I was giving her all I could give her. I had other priorities. If she couldn't accept that I completely understood and would not be upset. So she started crying. She said she had to go. Ok Goodbye.
> About 30 minutes later the texts started "**** YOU!" "You deserve the worst!", "You sick ****!", "I am so done with you!". I didn't respond. About two hours later I got a text about how sorry she was and how much she loved me. Then the next day another apology. Now I really know what I need to do. I learned a lot, and I feel as though a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.


Oh boy, why did you open that door again? I thought you were done with the drama her being so clingy entailed? Now, I'm really confused as to why you accepted her back in. Did you really think she was sane? When someone shows you crazy, believe them the first time and get as far away as you can ASAP. 

I learned that the hard way by the way.:surprise:


*{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.

8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.

February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/350914-posting-guidelines-forum-rules-2016-a.html }*


----------



## SunCMars

I never learn.

I look in the mirror.


----------



## Ynot

Bibi1031 said:


> Oh boy, why did you open that door again? I thought you were done with the drama her being so clingy entailed? Now, I'm really confused as to why you accepted her back in. Did you really think she was sane? When someone shows you crazy, believe them the first time and get as far away as you can ASAP.
> 
> I learned that the hard way by the way.:surprise:


Sex


----------



## Rowan

Ynot said:


> Sex


Yeah....there's already a handy proverb for this situation: _Don't stick your d!ck in crazy._ 

There's a reason that's a thing.


----------



## Bibi1031

Ynot said:


> Sex


...sigh...I get it, the little head was in charge.

Yeah, you live and learn. Hopefully you can rule out the little head next time because there will be other "next times". Those crazies come in batches!>

The weird thing is that they are pretty much all the same. They think they can hook a man with sex and when it doesn't work that way, they turn nasty. The foul language is what gets me. If you play those games and you have not been able to trap a man with the web/sex/clingy spin you have going on, why the heck do blame it on the guys?

I don't even want to imagine how many sorry souls fell into that web for the same reason you did. Did you use protection? You may want to get STD tested. This gal has been around the block a couple of times now with the same results. Crazy indeed.

...as for those that think she was a "good gal" and he ruined her; you may ask him for the contact number so you may also get a dose of her lunacy. That should set you naive ones straight. :wink2:

We are adults in adult relationships; you are responsible for your own $hit. Six weeks and already madly in love; "madly" being the operative word here.


----------



## Bibi1031

SunCMars said:


> I never learn.
> 
> I look in the mirror.


you, you, I like you sometimes; and sometimes, I like you even more!:smthumbup:


----------



## Ynot

It was fun, while it lasted. Now it is over. I learned some more about myself. I didn't make a mistake. I learned a lesson (or two or three). Would I do it again? Probably. Why? Because I got out of it exactly what I needed. I wasn't ready for a committed relationship, I still don't think I am, so I probably aren't still. But I was honest from the get go and will be with the next and the one after her and the one after her. Some insights about myself were gained and my confidence has improved both from the relationship and the end itself.


----------



## Bibi1031

Ynot said:


> It was fun, while it lasted. Now it is over. I learned some more about myself. I didn't make a mistake. I learned a lesson (or two or three). *Would I do it again? Probably. Why? Because I got out of it exactly what I needed.* I wasn't ready for a committed relationship, I still don't think I am, so I probably aren't still. But I was honest from the get go and will be with the next and the one after her and the one after her. Some insights about myself were gained and my confidence has improved both from the relationship and the end itself.


Well, to each their own. Wasting your time at your age is your business. She is giving you what most like her give. Peeps like her are a dime a dozen. If you like cheap, hot and heavy on the rolleyes sack, I mean drama, then so be it. You will be treated the same way when you don't fall for their tricks...more insults and foul language that is. They have potty morals as well as potty mouths. > 

On the pool of there are many fish on the sea; you are getting the bottom dwellers that put out and say you are the best they have had with the many they put out for.

Enjoy the banging and all that comes with it!:grin2:


----------



## Ynot

Bibi1031 said:


> Well, to each their own. Wasting your time at your age is your business. She is giving you what most like her give. Peeps like her are a dime a dozen. If you like cheap, hot and heavy on the rolleyes sack, I mean drama, then so be it. You will be treated the same way when you don't fall for their tricks...more insults and foul language that is. They have potty morals as well as potty mouths. >
> 
> On the pool of there are many fish on the sea; you are getting the bottom dwellers that put out and say you are the best they have had with the many they put out for.
> 
> Enjoy the banging and all that comes with it!:grin2:


Its all good, except for the part about wasting my time. I didn't waste any time. I learned a lesson. It would only have been wasted time had I not learned anything from it. The last thing I intend to do is waste the rest of my life waiting until I am healed, the time is right, things are better, etc etc. You have one life to live. Make the most of it.


----------



## Bibi1031

Ynot said:


> Its all good, except for the part about wasting my time. I didn't waste any time. I learned a lesson. It would only have been wasted time had I not learned anything from it. The last thing I intend to do is waste the rest of my life waiting until I am healed, the time is right, things are better, etc etc. *You have one life to live. Make the most of it.*


Indeed, happy lesson learning in the "banging" department! Get the most bang for your...well you know.>


----------



## SunCMars

SunCMars said:


> My answer is one you do not want to hear.
> 
> You want, you want, you want.
> 
> 96% of women, 99% of women who have class want a man who wants them....exclusively.
> 
> You are interested in a friend with sexual benefits...and all the rest of the goodies.
> 
> Guess what?....Very few women want this long term. At first they will be OK with it. Once they begin to like you and trust you they want more.
> 
> You are wasting their time and sucking them dry....literally.
> 
> I feel sorry for your exgf. Yes, you were honest, yes, you used her. Go out with ****s. Leave the good ones for the good guys.
> 
> *{Moderator Note: I spelled out the profanity. Please follow forum rules in regards to the profanity filter.
> 
> 8. Filter Bypass/Obscenity: A profanity filter is in place and any attempts to bypass it are forbidden. You MAY type words that are filtered, as long as they are not abusive towards other quests or violate any other rules; however, you must allow the filter to do its job. Do NOT try to filter the word yourself and do not try to use creative spelling to bypass the profanity filter. Also, posting images of videos of obscene gestures, linking to obscene web sites, posting obscene or graphic descriptions of a decidedly adult nature, and violating a standard of decent behavior is not allowed.
> 
> February 21st is the deadline for full enforcement of the measure.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/forum-guidelines/350914-posting-guidelines-forum-rules-2016-a.html }*


 @EleGirl

OK!

Yet another inch of my tongue is lopped off. I slur enough...as it is.

Now, a wispy lisp be heard and be told in my posts.


----------

