# Please read All: wife cheated with EX and now travelling to same city as EX



## smartkid4pc (Mar 24, 2012)

My wife cheated on me with her EX shortly after we got married. His from chicago (same as my wife her family). We live in Texas. After we got married my wife was still communicating with her Ex and i did like it. I told her to stop and end every communication and change her number. She told me, he isnt just here EX his a friend and the grow up together that she cant just do that. Which made us fight alot (not physical). Not too long after a big fight, she told me his coming to texas from chicago the next day so the could end every thing finally. I got mad i said she dares not allow that, whatever she want to say she should n the phone and not here. I went to work and she wasnt home. She didnt come home until about 4am the next day. I asked where she went, she told me she went to see him to end thing. she said she just told him the should be friends and that all that happen. I looked stupid to believe her (but i didnt). Days later she kept text and calling him. i took her phone and found text message, she told him she loved him and all that trash. I was mad but i want to know what happen that night. I did some investigation and found out the went clubbing and later came back to his hotel and everything went down. I confronted her with prove and she agree she did cheat on me. She promised never to contact him again. After 4 months of dealing with my insecurity and finally start to trust her, she emailed him say *"hello. It has been a very longtime. Are you ok?"*. she just wanted to know how he was doing and that was all. We planned n going to visit her mom, who is in chicago where here EX is located. But now we aren't going together anymore, because i Some exams. I feel something may go down, but she's promising me nothing would happen (said she has learn t from her mistakes). I am feeling differently now and i don't know what to feel again or i am just over reacting?


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

Do you have any kids with this woman?


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Based on the content of your post I'd speculate that your concerns are warranted, given that she's lied and cheated on you with this guy on more than one occasion and has done nothing to give you reason that she'll suddenly be honest with you. She told you nothing that you didn't already find out for yourself and confronted her with. Only when backed into a corner did she give you anything at all. There's no remorse, no guilt, no indication that she won't do it again. 

I'd like to gently suggest that you might be enabling her behavior by not giving her any real consequences to her actions other than getting angry and demanding her to fill you in on all the details or as you put it "what went down". It's fairly obvious what went down.. the better question is when it's going to go down again, and my guess is very soon.

I guess I'm a bit mystified by one thing and hopefully you can clarify this for me.

You're concerned about her going to her ex's town because you won't be able to join her because you've got exams. There's no urgency, she's just going to visit her mom, who isn't in some sort of dire crisis and expected to pass away soon or anything like that, is that right?

If there is no emergency, then why not postpone the trip until after your exams so you can go together?


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## smartkid4pc (Mar 24, 2012)

Machiavelli said:


> Do you have any kids with this woman?


We dont have kids


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## smartkid4pc (Mar 24, 2012)

hisfac said:


> Based on the content of your post I'd speculate that your concerns are warranted, given that she's lied and cheated on you with this guy on more than one occasion and has done nothing to give you reason that she'll suddenly be honest with you. She told you nothing that you didn't already find out for yourself and confronted her with. Only when backed into a corner did she give you anything at all. There's no remorse, no guilt, no indication that she won't do it again.
> 
> I'd like to gently suggest that you might be enabling her behavior by not giving her any real consequences to her actions other than getting angry and demanding her to fill you in on all the details or as you put it "what went down". It's fairly obvious what went down.. the better question is when it's going to go down again, and my guess is very soon.
> 
> ...


Its an emergency. Her mom is leaving the country finally.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

She has been disrespecting you all through. She cheated. She has been in contact with him.

Would you like to live in this type of relationship?

Could you consider divorcing her?


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

smartkid4pc said:


> We dont have kids


So why are you married to this woman?

Have some dignity man.

I give you permission to divorce her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

smartkid4pc said:


> We dont have kids


Get rid of this woman and find a decent one. Save yourself a lot of pain.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

She clearly has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

smartkid4pc said:


> We dont have kids


Run away. Don't look back.


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## vickyyy (Oct 28, 2011)

She has zero respect for u and marriage.Dont waste ur life with such woman.She is not a marriage material at all.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

She cheated too early into the marriage. You will live the rest of your life paranoid and always suspicious of her. No trust, no marriage. Leave before you have kids


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

Personally I would say to just divorce her. She doesn't respect you and you rightfully cannot trust her.

But if your goal is to try to save your marriage simply tell her that because of her past relationship with this man you simply don't trust her enough to allow her to go. Tell her she can visit her mother in her own country later when your marriage has healed. Tell her if she goes she should not come back and you will immediately file for divorce. If she still goes you have your answer.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Start running away from her, she is a seriel cheater and she prefered her boyfriend over you through out your marriage. You are only her plan B. or second choice.

If she ever had any respect for you she should have cut all contact with her BF after her first cheating or when you asked to stop all contact with him. She didnt even bothered about your worries when she met her BF in Texas, where she slept with him and lied to you.

She never loved you in a way a wife loves her husband, because you were never her first choice.

What epiphany she got now to stop all the cheating, She manipulated you through out your marriage, she treated you like a trash, as if she dont have anything to do with you.

Do you want to be with such a person? Do you want to be her doormat any more? Do you want to be her cuckold husband?

she and her BF may have laughed talking about how fool/cuckold you are?
Its time for you to stand up for yourself, if you don't fight for yourself no one will do that for you, especially your cheating wife.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

smartkid4pc said:


> My wife cheated on me with her EX shortly after we got married. His from chicago (same as my wife her family). We live in Texas. After we got married my wife was still communicating with her Ex and i did like it. I told her to stop and end every communication and change her number. She told me, he isnt just here EX his a friend and the grow up together that she cant just do that. Which made us fight alot (not physical). Not too long after a big fight, she told me his coming to texas from chicago the next day so the could end every thing finally. I got mad i said she dares not allow that, whatever she want to say she should n the phone and not here. I went to work and she wasnt home. She didnt come home until about 4am the next day. I asked where she went, she told me she went to see him to end thing. she said she just told him the should be friends and that all that happen. I looked stupid to believe her (but i didnt). Days later she kept text and calling him. i took her phone and found text message, she told him she loved him and all that trash. I was mad but i want to know what happen that night. I did some investigation and found out the went clubbing and later came back to his hotel and everything went down. I confronted her with prove and she agree she did cheat on me. She promised never to contact him again. After 4 months of dealing with my insecurity and finally start to trust her, she emailed him say *"hello. It has been a very longtime. Are you ok?"*. she just wanted to know how he was doing and that was all. We planned n going to visit her mom, who is in chicago where here EX is located. But now we aren't going together anymore, because i Some exams. I feel something may go down, but she's promising me nothing would happen (said she has learn t from her mistakes).* I am feeling differently now and i don't know what to feel again or i am just over reacting?*


You're not over reacting, for a cuckold. Just how stupid are you?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

smartkid4pc said:


> My wife cheated on me with her EX shortly after we got married. His from chicago (same as my wife her family). We live in Texas. After we got married my wife was still communicating with her Ex and i did like it. I told her to stop and end every communication and change her number. She told me, he isnt just here EX his a friend and the grow up together that she cant just do that. Which made us fight alot (not physical). Not too long after a big fight, she told me his coming to texas from chicago the next day so the could end every thing finally. I got mad i said she dares not allow that, whatever she want to say she should n the phone and not here. I went to work and she wasnt home. She didnt come home until about 4am the next day. I asked where she went, she told me she went to see him to end thing. she said she just told him the should be friends and that all that happen. I looked stupid to believe her (but i didnt). Days later she kept text and calling him. i took her phone and found text message, she told him she loved him and all that trash. I was mad but i want to know what happen that night. I did some investigation and found out the went clubbing and later came back to his hotel and everything went down. I confronted her with prove and she agree she did cheat on me. She promised never to contact him again. After 4 months of dealing with my insecurity and finally start to trust her, she emailed him say "hello. It has been a very longtime. Are you ok?". she just wanted to know how he was doing and that was all. We planned n going to visit her mom, who is in chicago where here EX is located. But now we aren't going together anymore, because i Some exams. I feel something may go down, but she's promising me nothing would happen (said she has learn t from her mistakes). I am feeling differently now and i don't know what to feel again or *i am just over reacting*?


You tell us. Is your wife cheating on you multiple times and lying to you OK or not?


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## hisfac (Feb 10, 2012)

Initfortheduration said:


> You're not over reacting, for a cuckold. Just how stupid are you?


It's not a matter of his IQ level.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You need to make her your ex. Perhaps then she will realize she needs to finally give him up, if she wants you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Tell her to go on the Chicago and to enjoy herself. Then, as soon as she is gone, sell everything including the house and move off in the other direction.
Had I known what I learned after my divorce, I would have done this for certain.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

She cheats and still wants to remain friends with the guy???? Are you kidding me. You can't trust her - ever. Your marriage is a joke. Get out now. Look at possible annulment.


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

TDSC60 said:


> She cheats and still wants to remain friends with the guy???? Are you kidding me. You can't trust her - ever. Your marriage is a joke. Get out now. Look at possible annulment.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


I dont know when he will see this truth and wonder how he lived his life as a cuckold and doormat.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

No kids? 

RUN FORREST RUN!


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## smartkid4pc (Mar 24, 2012)

Thank yall for the reply, yall have shown me a great insight to my problem. She has been begging me for while now to give her just one more chance. But I kinda dont believe in marriage and divorce. Should i give it one more shot?


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

smartkid4pc said:


> Thank yall for the reply, yall have shown me a great insight to my problem. She has been begging me for while now to give her just one more chance. *But I kinda dont believe in marriage and divorce*. Should i give it one more shot?


OK - Not sure what you mean by "But I kinda dont believe in marriage and divorce."

But, more times than not, when a spouse cheats during the first few years of marriage, the marriage means nothing to them, the other spouse is not loved or respected, there is really nothing there to build a reconciliation on. The odds are overwhelming that she will do it again at some point down the road. You are young, don't have a lot of time invested with her, don't have a lot of property and finances together (just guessing). My honest opinion based on what you have said is that you have given her more than enough chances and she has thrown them in your face.

It is always up to you. There may be some detail about you and her that we have not heard yet that may change the entire thing. 

But at this point, I think you should cut your loses, learn from this experience, and get out.


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## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

smartkid4pc said:


> Thank yall for the reply, yall have shown me a great insight to my problem. She has been begging me for while now to give her just one more chance. But I kinda dont believe in marriage and divorce. Should i give it one more shot?


No


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

smartkid4pc said:


> Thank yall for the reply, yall have shown me a great insight to my problem. She has been begging me for while now to give her just one more chance. But I kinda dont believe in marriage and divorce. Should i give it one more shot?


I would bet those beggings are like alligator tears empty on the inside. She wants the security of your marriage and wants the pleasure of single life.


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## river rat (Jan 20, 2012)

smartkid4pc said:


> Thank yall for the reply, yall have shown me a great insight to my problem. She has been begging me for while now to give her just one more chance. But I kinda dont believe in marriage and divorce. Should i give it one more shot?


If you must, but be prepared for the pain that is probably inevitable. At the very least, sit her down and tell her how horrible this trip without you is making you feel. You'll get your answer from her response. If she expresses compassion for you, and cancels the trip, that's a good sign. If she talks about your insecurities, and pushes to go ahead w/ the trip, that's gaslighting, and you're dealing w/ someone who has no regard for your feelings. In that case run for the nearest fire exit.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

smartkid4pc said:


> Thank yall for the reply, yall have shown me a great insight to my problem. She has been begging me for while now to give her just one more chance. *But I kinda dont believe in marriage* and divorce. Should i give it one more shot?


Good thing because she does not either.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Do you understand that you are only providing her security and stablity, and her EX is providing her with sex, parties, and excitement?

I have no doubt that if her ex was the kind of guy that could pay the bills and give her security and stablity she would be with him. Her ex is a losser but provides a good time, you on the other hand will continue to provide for were as the EX can't or won't.

The EX has nothing to offer her but good sex, if he had anything going for him she would not want you. You are her second choice, she wants her cake and eat it too.

Do you see this?


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

I was thinking about this today. Should the fact that the ex is in that city stop her from going there? If the ex moves to their current city, do they pack up and move out? If she is going to cheat, wouldn't she do it somehow. He cannot be a watchdog all his life. All he can do is trust but keep verifying. The OM shouldn't stop them from living their life.


Edit: I assumed that the cheating happened a long time back. I will take back what I said if the cheating and her contacting him again was recent.


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## rrrbbbttt (Apr 6, 2011)

The only time she will honor her vows to you when her ex is around if you are there. 

She cheated with him once, that you are aware of, the only reason she has not cheated again, is that she has not seen him.

If she goes and you are not there and the Ex visits she will cheat again. NC is there for a reason.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Then why would he want such a marriage?


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## smartkid4pc (Mar 24, 2012)

river rat said:


> If you must, but be prepared for the pain that is probably inevitable. At the very least, sit her down and tell her how horrible this trip without you is making you feel. You'll get your answer from her response. If she expresses compassion for you, and cancels the trip, that's a good sign. If she talks about your insecurities, and pushes to go ahead w/ the trip, that's gaslighting, and you're dealing w/ someone who has no regard for your feelings. In that case run for the nearest fire exit.


She has decided not to go the trip anymore! she filled horrible for what she did and has been appealing to me it will never happen again.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

smartkid4pc said:


> She has decided not to go the trip anymore! she filled horrible for what she did and has been appealing to me *it will never happen again*.


:sleeping:


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## KirkSpock (Mar 21, 2012)

*she filled horrible for what she did and has been appealing to me it will never happen again. *

She feels terrible and says it wont happen again? OH, well that changes everything. :rofl:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You gave her a chance when you told her to stop texting her ex but she did not and not only continued but met up with him to his hotel and had sex with him. How many more chances are you willing to give her? Frankly if I were you the answer would be no more chances.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Divorce her Smart. She is not through with this guy. You will always be #2 to her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Beowulf (Dec 7, 2011)

smartkid4pc said:


> She has decided not to go the trip anymore! she filled horrible for what she did and has been appealing to me it will never happen again.


Her not going is only step one in a very long uphill climb. If you sweep this under the rug she will cheat on you again. Guaranteed.

Are you prepared to go through what is necessary to rebuild a very shaky relationship? Your wife has already shown she has very little boundaries and almost no respect for you. She needs to do a lot more than cancel one trip to repair the damage she has caused.

You need to read the newbie thread and learn what to do from this point forward if you are going to try to stay married to her. She needs to do some serious heavy lifting in order to assure you that she can be trusted. The fact that she was considering going on this trip in spite of your very real objections is not a good sign that she is really remorseful for her infidelity. And the fact that you allowed her to "get closure" with him shows you need to find your manhood and assert yourself.

You both have a lot of work to do. I hope you and especially your wife are up to the challenge.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Let me see if I have this right.She cheats shortly after you marry.You move to Texas,where she starts a texting thing.You tell her to stop.He travels all the way to Texas to end the affair(really?) She figures what the hell,may as well jump his bones one more time while he's here(while you're at home waiting and wondering 'til 4 AM)She denies they had sex,then admits after confrontation.Agrees to NC,but starts again when the coast is clear.Now she's remorseful and now you're once again in a forgiving mood.What's it going to take for you to get rid of this women?I know you love her,but all of her actions tell me she's not in love with you.If I were you I'd want to know why the hell she married in the first place.I bet this didn't take place over a matter of years either.You do what you have to do,but remember like they say..you reap what you sow..and from where I'm standing you're sowing for a future of hurt.Sorry you're here and good luck.


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## StrangerThanFiction (Jul 19, 2011)

smartkid4pc said:


> But I kinda dont believe in marriage and divorce.


that is noble and honorable. however, I bet you also "kinda don't believe" in sleeping with exes shortly after marriage.

I bet you also don't believe in her promising to go "no contact" with ex lover cheating partners then shattering your newly restored confidence by breaking that promise.

I'm sorry but all signs point to her being completely untrustworthy. She will probably (likely) see him in Chicago and sleep with him again. It appears that you got married under her false pretenses.


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## tokn (Sep 9, 2011)

Goodness man, grow a pair and get some backbone.

Based on what you said, she has no respect for you.

I could be wrong but sounds like she wears the pants and you let her push you around.

She has cheated on you and have lied to you over and over again. If this isn't enough I have no idea what is.

You can't change who she is or what she does, but *you* can choose to go along with it or not.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

I think all is good in OZ for OP since his wife isn't going anymore.

Life goes on and everyone is happy again from his point of view. I wonder if the wife is feeling some kind of resentment now since she had to valiantly and through the grace of her heart give up this trip for her husband.

Like others have said, it's a step in the right direction but it's something that she should not have done in the 1st place.


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## Tall Average Guy (Jul 26, 2011)

smartkid4pc said:


> Thank yall for the reply, yall have shown me a great insight to my problem. She has been begging me for while now to give her just one more chance. *But I kinda dont believe in marriage and divorce. *Should i give it one more shot?


Do you believe in marriage and your wife sleeping with other men? Because that is what you currently have. Is that acceptable?


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