# Visitation Advice Requested



## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I posted this question on my thread, but I thought I'd open it up to everyone:

So, please give me some help with this. He has DS all of Christmas Eve. We switch for the week on Christmas Day, just because it falls on a Tuesday, our usual switch day. We usually end up being able to see DS every day -- the 'off' parent sees him after school. 

No school on Monday, and I took the day off from work. Most of the 'good stuff' of Christmas Eve obviously happens later at night. Most of the 'good stuff' (or at least the best stuff) of Christmas Day is first thing in the morning. 

Without any negotiation, I would probably be seeing DS before dinner on Eve, miss special time with him that night, then not get him til early afternoon on C. Day. In my mind, even though one of us has him Christmas Eve, and the other Christmas Day, only one parent really has him for the best parts of both days. 

What we negotiated a few days ago, was that I'd take DS from 3-6 on Eve, where we'd have an early dinner. Then he'd go to his dad's and spend the night, have Christmas morning with them, call his dad's family, have breakfast and lunch with him, then I'd get him at about 1:30. My feeling, from past years, is that he's going to be pretty much over Christmas by then.

Then, he'd finally be able to open presents from my side of the family, talk to my side of the family, etc. I'd make a small Christmas dinner for the two of us, then I planned on taking us out for a movie.

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What STBXH wants now is to let me have DS overnight on Eve, but bring him back *early* on Christmas Day, so just enough time for presents, but not even breakfast or calling family. He'd be with his dad til after their big dinner party, then back with me. Who knows if it will be early enough to go to the movies. And yes, I'm pretty sure he'll be over it all by the time I get him. 

He thinks he's doing me a favor by giving me all of Christmas Eve. I get a dinner that night, he gets a dinner the next day. But our morning will be really rushed, trying to make sure we get him to his dad's early 'enough.' It's a lot of back and forth for DS. 

It sucks no matter how we try to work it. None of us has the Christmas we want. That's divorce. But am I being unreasonable to not want to change? Knowing the details, what do you all think? What would you do?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

drerio said:


> In some context a verbal agreement is as good as a signed contract. You should tell toothless that next time he makes a schedule that he think it through and unless there is a pressing emergency a deal is a deal. End of story.
> 
> Tell him I said so





Dollystanford said:


> Honestly? I would probably ask DS what he would prefer and go with that. Or is he not quite old enough for that?


I don't really want to put him in the position of making a choice. I think that would be hard for him. He already told us he wants to open presents separately, but we didn't really go further than that. And when we talked to him before, it was before the dinner party was scheduled.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

angelpixie said:


> I don't really want to put him in the position of making a choice. I think that would be hard for him. He already told us he wants to open presents separately, but we didn't really go further than that. And when we talked to him before, it was before the dinner party was scheduled.


I responded on your thread.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

If we had scheduled it the way he's asking now, from the very beginning, I might be more OK with it. I think one of the things that's bothering me now is the way he wants to rearrange me because of what the two of them later decide to do.

I think they believe that, since I don't have family and friends here to entertain, my life is less important, and therefore, I have no real reason not to move things around. Unfortunately, one could say they have a basis for this thinking. I don't want to set that precedent.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

I know, Up -- thanks so much. I just wanted to throw it out there for people who don't usually respond, but who may have experience with this.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

No way. My ex tried that once. Eff that. I would get her laaaaate xmas eve. I don't want to be waiting for my child on xmas morning.

So I told him no. Screw him.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Angel, I think you should stick with the original agreement.

You have tiptoed around him, on his terms, for far too long.

Your little man is going to enjoy every second of Christmas with you, regardless of the time of day, or evening.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

So, TG, you think we should stick with the original plan, and it will even out next year?


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Thanks, Katy!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

The way we did it is"

Parent A has child for Dec 20, 21,22,23,24 and until 8am on th 25th.
Dec 30, 6pm until Jan 1, 8am.

Parent B has child from 8am Dec 25 through 26, 27, 28,29, 30 until
from 8am on Jan 1 until 8am Jan 2. 

Then normal visitation started back up

Mom had Parent A schedule on odd numbered years and Parent B schedule on even numbered years. Dad had the reverse.

Worked out great... We also divided up all holiday in the the A/B schedule to altrnate who go which holidays each year. 

Just to give you an alternative.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Tell him its too late to re-negotiate the schedule, your plans are set. He will get over it. Everybody does get everything they want.


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## angelpixie (Mar 2, 2012)

Thanks, Ele. That's something I will look more closely at. How did that work with school breaks and parents' jobs? (Don't know how old the kids were/are). This year, I have him during all of the time he's off from school. His dad will see him two mornings for me so I can go into the office for a little while each day, but the rest of the time, I'll be lucky enough to work from home. This year. Obviously, I can't count on that every year. So job/child care issues are a big deal.


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