# Feeling Duped



## armstrov (8 mo ago)

My husband and I have been married for 7.5 months now. I feel deeply deceived by him. It’s my fault because I denied my intuition initially and failed to dig deeper. I have not seeked counseling yet because I’m not able to afford it. We met at church and he’s been a long time member and many people at church (including the pastor) always talked about how great of a man he was which led me to be too trusting. Divorce has been on my mind for three months now. Prior to us getting married, my husband made promises to me and made it seem like he was able to support us financially. He paid for everything and prior to getting married we were shopping for homes. He supposedly made a fortune from contract work overseas. Supposedly someone was holding all his money for him and when we were ready to buy our house this person stole all his money. I questioned what happened then but I thought he is a man of God, he would not make up such s story. I’ve had opportunities to marry men with money previously but they did not want kids. My husband and I have a great desire for kids and have plenty in common, especially our relationship with Jesus. Anyway, I had a great paying job and shortly after getting married my employer shut its doors. I decided to take some time off so I could focus on my marriage and give myself a break because I was exhausted mentally from work. Even though I was no longer working I found myself paying for everything including rent. He is retired and receives very little in retirement. He moved in with me and for the first few months I paid for everything. He refuses to work but pretends to be interested in jobs occasionally. I’m back to working again but I’m only making a third of what I used to make and I feel such a great weight. I honestly feel like my life was better prior to getting married and I have resentment towards him. I’ve talked to my husband but he won’t budge. My faith with God remains but it’s been tested greatly. It’s hard to trust my husband at all now.
I love my husband so much and we have such a great time with one another for the most part. He claims I am the love of his life and God has blessed him with me. On our honeymoon my husband said he was going to pay for everything. We drive half way across the country to discover he had no money in his account. How could he not know? This is when I started having serious doubts. When his card was declined he through a fit. I figured either he was really expecting this deposit or he is a great actor. I decided to pay for our honeymoon. Silly on my part but I wanted to believe he would not lie about something like this. 
Anyway, My husband is very handsome and in his past marriage he and his wife cheated on one another frequently. I did not know of this until after we married. He made it seem like she was the offender. I like to think he’s not like that anymore because people change and I know I have changed a lot but I also get the impression he would be good at hiding it since he erases his phone calls, browsing history, etc. I feel like I married a stranger. I don’t even feel like his wife at times. When I’m working we are talking throughout the day constantly but I feel like I cannot trust him financially and to remain faithful. I recently found out he had an affair with his sister in law a couple of years ago but he doesn’t know that I know. If he could do something like that then he doesn’t care. The affair was with his dead brother’s wife. He is fully capable of working but chooses not to. We have been donating plasma for extra money for the last 5 months now. He has no shame as you can see. I just feel like if I’m going to be doing all the work then I may as well be on my own again. Part of me feels like he is using me. I should definitely seek therapy but I’m thinking the signs are all there and I know what I need to do to remedy the situation.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You are a woman of faith & met your husband through church. Try talking to your pastor about the situation. Also pray. 

Do NOT have kids with this guy until you get the money straightened out. If he has no money perhaps it's time for him to come out of retirement & start earning. You can't carry the whole load alone. 

Meanwhile look for a better paying job. the whole world is hiring right now.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Oh boy...


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

armstrov said:


> My husband and I have been married for 7.5 months now. I feel deeply deceived by him. It’s my fault because I denied my intuition initially and failed to dig deeper. I have not seeked counseling yet because I’m not able to afford it. We met at church and he’s been a long time member and many people at church (including the pastor) always talked about how great of a man he was which led me to be too trusting. Divorce has been on my mind for three months now. Prior to us getting married, my husband made promises to me and made it seem like he was able to support us financially. He paid for everything and prior to getting married we were shopping for homes. He supposedly made a fortune from contract work overseas. Supposedly someone was holding all his money for him and when we were ready to buy our house this person stole all his money. I questioned what happened then but I thought he is a man of God, he would not make up such s story. I’ve had opportunities to marry men with money previously but they did not want kids. My husband and I have a great desire for kids and have plenty in common, especially our relationship with Jesus. Anyway, I had a great paying job and shortly after getting married my employer shut its doors. I decided to take some time off so I could focus on my marriage and give myself a break because I was exhausted mentally from work. Even though I was no longer working I found myself paying for everything including rent. He is retired and receives very little in retirement. He moved in with me and for the first few months I paid for everything. He refuses to work but pretends to be interested in jobs occasionally. I’m back to working again but I’m only making a third of what I used to make and I feel such a great weight. I honestly feel like my life was better prior to getting married and I have resentment towards him. I’ve talked to my husband but he won’t budge. My faith with God remains but it’s been tested greatly. It’s hard to trust my husband at all now.
> I love my husband so much and we have such a great time with one another for the most part. He claims I am the love of his life and God has blessed him with me. On our honeymoon my husband said he was going to pay for everything. We drive half way across the country to discover he had no money in his account. How could he not know? This is when I started having serious doubts. When his card was declined he through a fit. I figured either he was really expecting this deposit or he is a great actor. I decided to pay for our honeymoon. Silly on my part but I wanted to believe he would not lie about something like this.
> Anyway, My husband is very handsome and in his past marriage he and his wife cheated on one another frequently. I did not know of this until after we married. He made it seem like she was the offender. I like to think he’s not like that anymore because people change and I know I have changed a lot but I also get the impression he would be good at hiding it since he erases his phone calls, browsing history, etc. I feel like I married a stranger. I don’t even feel like his wife at times. When I’m working we are talking throughout the day constantly but I feel like I cannot trust him financially and to remain faithful. I recently found out he had an affair with his sister in law a couple of years ago but he doesn’t know that I know. If he could do something like that then he doesn’t care. The affair was with his dead brother’s wife. He is fully capable of working but chooses not to. We have been donating plasma for extra money for the last 5 months now. He has no shame as you can see. I just feel like if I’m going to be doing all the work then I may as well be on my own again. Part of me feels like he is using me. I should definitely seek therapy but I’m thinking the signs are all there and I know what I need to do to remedy the situation.


You married an actor. A fake. A manipulator. A liar. A scam artist.

A man of faith would do none of what you described.
Everything you said points to your husband being a user and deceiver.

You know what to do.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

I’ve been praying a lot. I really don’t care to talk to the pastor. He and my husband are great friends. I think my husband is already talking to him. Sometimes I believe the sermons are about us. If I’m correct, I’m viewed as a gold digger. I’m used to having money. I wasn’t born into riches but I worked hard and became successful. In addition, my father was and still is the provider of his household. I always had the expectation my husband would have the same drive and ambition as my father. My husband and I discussed our love and foundations for marriage which is why we were house shopping. I would not intentionally put myself in a situation to suffer like this. I don’t mind working. If we are going to be well off I would still work and do more meaningful things to benefit others. I’m his wife not some strange woman. The fact I’m still with him shows I’m loyal and committed to our marriage. Sometimes I wonder if I were to get pregnant if he would change or if suddenly money would appear and he becomes supportive. Either way it’s financial abuse. I don’t want to take that chance on having a baby with him to end up in worse position possibly. I’m also starting over in a new industry for work and I’m starting at the bottom. Lots of transferable skills from my previous career but I’m still seen as new so I’m not getting paid as much. I’m still looking for a job that pays more.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

You need somebody to talk to. You aren't going to figure this out on your own. Can you go to the next town over & talk to that pastor in the same faith? 

How are you a gold digger? A gold digger wants to be provided for without doing the work. You are willing to work you just resent being the only one who works. You were lied to about his assets. You are willing to work he's not. Makes him the golddigger if you ask me


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Why would you want to have kids with a retiree? How old is he and you?
You do seem pretty materialistic but that has no relationship whatsoever to the fact that he has no job and you’re working and you’re in such dire straits that you’re selling plasma.

it’s simple: divorce the man. He’s not going to change. He won’t work and he cheats. All you need to know.

If the guy was truly religious, he would not be the person he is. He’s likely using the religion as a way to manipulate others. It’s fairly common.

The short answer is to divorce. Quickly.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

He scammed you, lied to you, deceived you, cheated on his ex many times and probably you as well, and is too lazy to work. 
If you trust your pastor or his wife or another mature woman in the church please talk to someone. This man is not only deceiving you but the whole church. 
I think you have grounds for a legal annulment here.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Evinrude nailed it.

The man is a fisherman and knows the best ponds.

That said, he is a poacher.
He has no license from the _*Good Lord.*_

There are no safe havens from thieves and charlatans.


_Gwendolyn-_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

I’d say you were “blinded by love,” and that happens. But, that’s wearing off now and you’re seeing the cracks so to speak, in his mask. No honorable man would have an affair with his sister in law. And honorable men work to contribute to the expenses. I think you know what you need to do but if it were me, I’d be seeking legal advice and strongly consider moving on. Counseling won’t help character flaws. He is who he is and he sounds very good at manipulation. Hope you find a way out because I can’t see this getting better. 😔


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

He duped you. Get out before it is too late.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a traditional relationship and having the husband pay for everything. It sounds like this guy is a phony!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

DO NOT GET PREGNANT until you know you are staying. Having a kid with him will tie you him forever. I am confused by your ages not a lot of people are retired but thinking about kids. Is there a big age discrepancy?

To me it sounds like you married a con man. I would just get the marriage annulled and go to a different church, sounds like the Pastor is in on it.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> Why would you want to have kids with a retiree? How old is he and you?
> You do seem pretty materialistic but that has no relationship whatsoever to the fact that he has no job and you’re working and you’re in such dire straits that you’re selling plasma.
> 
> it’s simple: divorce the man. He’s not going to change. He won’t work and he cheats. All you need to know.
> ...


I agree with you. I believe he is using church as a cover up. He prays all the time and reads the Bible daily. That’s great but is so confusing to me. He walks around like everything is ok and says I don’t have faith. If I did have faith I would be the same. I do have faith. I believe God is not going to give us something just because we ask for it unless it within his will of course. If whatever happened with the money is true God will give it back. Meanwhile, let’s focus on a plan so we can grow together and be secure. I’m not asking for a house I’m asking for a plan and effort so we can get back on track and have a house. I’m not materialistic. I have high expectations and expectations anyone would have getting into a marriage. No one should have to beg for the basic necessities of life. If I was all about the money I would have left him after the honeymoon fiasco.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

sokillme said:


> DO NOT GET PREGNANT until you know you are staying. Having a kid with him will tie you him forever. I am confused by your ages not a lot of people are retired but thinking about kids. Is there a big age discrepancy?
> 
> To me it sounds like you married a con man. I would just get the marriage annulled and go to a different church, sounds like the Pastor is in on it.


He in his mid 50’s and I’m in my 30’s.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

armstrov said:


> I agree with you. I believe he is using church as a cover up. He prays all the time and reads the Bible daily. That’s great but is so confusing to me. He walks around like everything is ok and says I don’t have faith. If I did have faith I would be the same. I do have faith. I believe God is not going to give us something just because we ask for it unless it within his will of course. If whatever happened with the money is true God will give it back. Meanwhile, let’s focus on a plan so we can grow together and be secure. I’m not asking for a house I’m asking for a plan and effort so we can get back on track and have a house. I’m not materialistic. I have high expectations and expectations anyone would have getting into a marriage. No one should have to beg for the basic necessities of life. If I was all about the money I would have left him after the honeymoon fiasco.


He is gaslighting you with your faith. That is about a reprehensible as it gets.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

ccpowerslave said:


> There’s nothing wrong with wanting a traditional relationship and having the husband pay for everything. It sounds like this guy is a phony!


Thank you. There is nothing wrong with traditional marriages. I believe the world would be in a better place if there were more focus on the family. I would love to be home with my kids so I can teach them and be there to support them. These are the things that were discussed prior to marriage. We had this all figured out do I thought.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

ccpowerslave said:


> There’s nothing wrong with wanting a traditional relationship and having the husband pay for everything. It sounds like this guy is a phony!


Yet, in the event of later divorce, men who wanted to "pay for everything" during a long marriage whine and complain about splitting assets and paying spousal support, even though they signed up for and were okay with being the only cash dispenser 🙄


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Run. Today. I’m sorry he lied and hurt your feelings, and I know it’s scary. Get away now, from him and that church. He’s using you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I don't care if he reading his Bible and praying 24/7, he is not living in anyway a life that a Christian should. He has told major lies. He is lazy. He repeatedly cheated on his ex. He scammed you and I doubt he will change. How is he in anyway living out a faith? 

I think you have made a massive mistake, but you should easily be able to get an annulment.


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

So you went from him paying for everything and the promise of him having enough for a down payment on a house, to you paying for your honeymoon and now donating plasma for extra money? Wow. I personally don't think you're materialistic. You probably should have done some better due diligence before marrying this man. I'm hung up on who was holding his money for him and then they stole it from him. I think that is complete BS. If it is true he is a complete fool and you can't trust him with anything financial. If it isn't true then he is a flat out liar. And he is a known cheater. I'm sorry, but I'd say cut your losses now and divorce. And please do not let yourself get pregnant by this man.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Tex X said:


> So you went from him paying for everything and the promise of him having enough for a down payment on a house, to you paying for your honeymoon and now donating plasma for extra money? Wow. I personally don't think you're materialistic. You probably should have done some better due diligence before marrying this man. I'm hung up on who was holding his money for him and then they stole it from him. I think that is complete BS. If it is true he is a complete fool and you can't trust him with anything financial. If it isn't true then he is a flat out liar. And he is a known cheater. I'm sorry, but I'd say cut your losses now and divorce. And please do not let yourself get pregnant by this man.


I don’t trust him with anything financially. We don’t have any accounts together. When we got married, he said 25% of his check was going to his ex wife? They were divorced for over three years at this point and it took three years?! I’m thinking he has a child on the side, a garnishment, or he is putting money back in savings. This extra money just happen to vanish the same month.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

armstrov said:


> I don’t trust him with anything financially. We don’t have any accounts together. When we got married, he said 25% of his check was going to his ex wife? They were divorced for over three years at this point and it took three years?! I’m thinking he has a child on the side, a garnishment, or he is putting money back in savings. This extra money just happen to vanish the same month as we got married. What a coincidence!


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## Tex X (May 17, 2017)

Well you have some pretty big red flags here. It's up to you to decide what you will tolerate in a relationship. Cheating, lying, not willing to work, financially incapable. I would not tolerate any of these one things in a relationship. You have all of these in your marriage. I am sorry you're going through this, but I would be so done with this marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

armstrov said:


> I don’t trust him with anything financially. We don’t have any accounts together. When we got married, he said 25% of his check was going to his ex wife? They were divorced for over three years at this point and it took three years?! I’m thinking he has a child on the side, a garnishment, or he is putting money back in savings. This extra money just happen to vanish the same month.


This marriage is a lost cause, I hope you know this.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

armstrov said:


> He in his mid 50’s and I’m in my 30’s.


He's looking for a nurse and a purse. Dump him now! You're too young to get saddled with such a leech.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Whether you believe it or not, praying won't help you with anything other than giving you comfort. Action (s) is what will help you. Take now the necessary steps to do what needs to be done to get out of this relationship with this pathetic, sad excuse of a man dude. The church all it will do is to counsel you to be a submissive, patient wife to this ass, while he continues his parasitic life off you.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> Whether you believe it or not, praying won't help you with anything other than giving you comfort. Action (s) is what will help you. Take now the necessary steps to do what needs to be done to get out of this relationship with this pathetic, sad excuse of a man dude. The church all it will do is to counsel you to be a submissive, patient wife to this ass, while he continues his parasitic life off you.


Yes prayer works and provides great comfort. Prayer of course does not work in every situation but I know God can make miracles happen. I tell my husband we need to act on the things we want. I am constantly planning.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

*Deidre* said:


> I’d say you were “blinded by love,” and that happens. But, that’s wearing off now and you’re seeing the cracks so to speak, in his mask. No honorable man would have an affair with his sister in law. And honorable men work to contribute to the expenses. I think you know what you need to do but if it were me, I’d be seeking legal advice and strongly consider moving on. Counseling won’t help character flaws. He is who he is and he sounds very good at manipulation. Hope you find a way out because I can’t see this getting better. 😔


I ended up confronting him about the affair with the sister in law. He said there are stories in the Bible about the brother marrying the widowed wife. How sick is he and she? Makes me wonder if they were having an affair prior to his brother’s death.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

armstrov said:


> I ended up confronting him about the affair with the sister in law. He said there are stories in the Bible about the brother marrying the widowed wife. How sick is he and she? Makes me wonder if they were having an affair prior to his brother’s death.


He is sick, immoral and disgusting. Using God's word to try and justify serious sexual sin is just appalling. 
How can you bear to be with such an awful man. He clearly understands nothing about Christianity and he clearly doesn't know God. 
Remember that even satan knows the Bible.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

armstrov said:


> I ended up confronting him about the affair with the sister in law. He said there are stories in the Bible about the brother marrying the widowed wife. How sick is he and she? Makes me wonder if they were having an affair prior to his brother’s death.


The idea of marrying your brother's widow had to do with protecting her and the bloodline. Not exactly an issue anymore. He is a despicable POS using God and the Bible as a tool for his own gain. The pastor that he is friends with should be ashamed to be associated with this man. However, I suspect he is a conman that has pulled the wool over the eyes of many people.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

You are feeling duped because you were duped. 

Now that it's been established that you were duped, are you going to allow the deception to continue and be part of your life? OR are you going to love yourself enough to take action to protect yourself from this con man?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

armstrov said:


> I ended up confronting him about the affair with the sister in law. He said there are stories in the Bible about the brother marrying the widowed wife. How sick is he and she? Makes me wonder if they were having an affair prior to his brother’s death.


Ugh, I’m so sad for you that you’re involved with this tool. I hope that you find a way to end this marriage, soon. Unfortunately, con artists come in all shapes and sizes …they even lurk in churches.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

See if you can talk to his ex wife.

She will have the real poop, not the white-washed, de-scented version of him.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Affaircare said:


> You are feeling duped because you were duped.
> 
> Now that it's been established that you were duped, are you going to allow the deception to continue and be part of your life? OR are you going to love yourself enough to take action to protect yourself from this con man?


Of course not. Takes money for divorce. My savings is depleted. I’m out of work now due to covid. I was diagnosed a couple of days ago. That’s why I been responsive to all these replies. Trust me I love myself enough to move forward. I’m happy I know now vs 5 years from now. I’ve already contacted a divorce attorney. Coming up with $150 for a consult is out of reach bc I’m not working at the moment. At least I’m gathering resources and researching amounts to be prepared. Just because this happened to me it does not mean I am a woman of low worth. I think my biggest mistake is placing people within the church on a pedestal.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

armstrov said:


> Of course not. Takes money for divorce. My savings is depleted. I’m out of work now due to covid. I was diagnosed a couple of days ago. That’s why I been responsive to all these replies. Trust me I love myself enough to move forward. I’m happy I know now vs 5 years from now. I’ve already contacted a divorce attorney. Coming up with $150 for a consult is out of reach bc I’m not working at the moment. At least I’m gathering resources and researching amounts to be prepared. Just because this happened to me it does not mean I am a woman of low worth.* I think my biggest mistake is placing people within the church on a pedestal.*


Yes, they are just people too. Church or not, some people are just bad.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

armstrov said:


> Of course not. Takes money for divorce. My savings is depleted. I’m out of work now due to covid. I was diagnosed a couple of days ago. That’s why I been responsive to all these replies. Trust me I love myself enough to move forward. I’m happy I know now vs 5 years from now. I’ve already contacted a divorce attorney. Coming up with $150 for a consult is out of reach bc I’m not working at the moment. At least I’m gathering resources and researching amounts to be prepared. Just because this happened to me it does not mean I am a woman of low worth. I think my biggest mistake is placing people within the church on a pedestal.


You can separate. I didn't divorce for 2 1/2 years after my separation. You dont have to even think of divorcing yet. . 
Most in the church are lovely, I have been to many many churches, but he is a snake out to cause harm and damage to those around him.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> You can separate. I didn't divorce for 2 1/2 years after my separation. You dont have to even think of divorcing yet. .
> Most in the church are lovely, I have been to many many churches, but he is a snake out to cause harm and damage to those around him.


Most in the church are lovely snd exceptional people. I also feel like there has been a lot of judgment about our from people within the church. I was told we were committing adultery. I can’t be a Sunday school teacher. There is also a lot of legalism at our church. I’m pretty modest but I don’t think wearing earrings should hold someone back from serving in ministry. As another commenter mentioned earlier about seeking counsel from the church may be something that would not work for me bc I may be told to just pray and be submissive. There is this unspoken expectation at my church that women are to be “broken”. Maybe broken is not the right word. I could be wrong but from my observation at church is a woman is to not be pretty, confident, or outspoken. We are to wear dresses at all times. I wear dresses any way. I really want to leave this church and I will once we are no longer together.


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

Affaircare said:


> You are feeling duped because you were duped.
> 
> Now that it's been established that you were duped, are you going to allow the deception to continue and be part of your life? OR are you going to love yourself enough to take action to protect yourself from this con man?


I would consider finding another place to worship as well...


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

armstrov said:


> Most in the church are lovely snd exceptional people. I also feel like there has been a lot of judgment about our from people within the church. I was told we were committing adultery. I can’t be a Sunday school teacher. There is also a lot of legalism at our church. I’m pretty modest but I don’t think wearing earrings should hold someone back from serving in ministry. As another commenter mentioned earlier about seeking counsel from the church may be something that would not work for me bc I may be told to just pray and be submissive. There is this unspoken expectation at my church that women are to be “broken”. Maybe broken is not the right word. I could be wrong but from my observation at church is a woman is to not be pretty, confident, or outspoken. We are to wear dresses at all times. I wear dresses any way. I really want to leave this church and I will once we are no longer together.


Respect is at the root of love... but nothing grows on top of cement.

You would do better in different soil...


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

armstrov said:


> Most in the church are lovely snd exceptional people. I also feel like there has been a lot of judgment about our from people within the church. I was told we were committing adultery. I can’t be a Sunday school teacher. There is also a lot of legalism at our church. I’m pretty modest but I don’t think wearing earrings should hold someone back from serving in ministry. As another commenter mentioned earlier about seeking counsel from the church may be something that would not work for me bc I may be told to just pray and be submissive. There is this unspoken expectation at my church that women are to be “broken”. Maybe broken is not the right word. I could be wrong but from my observation at church is a woman is to not be pretty, confident, or outspoken. We are to wear dresses at all times. I wear dresses any way. I really want to leave this church and I will once we are no longer together.


Thankfully the churches I have been to haven't been like that one at all. Maybe it's a good time to find another one.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

armstrov said:


> He in his mid 50’s and I’m in my 30’s.


Thus guy is going to get worse and worse about trying to beat you into submission by this religion stuff. If you showed him verses in the Bible that refuted his whole lifestyle of not working, not supporting his wife, etc——— he’d quickly move to his last resort that he will next use—- you’re not a real Christian and possibly even “you are being influenced by Satan”.

Your husband is in his 50’s and you’re in your 30’s. Can’t you see he doesn’t want children, and only wants to use you?

Besides that, there’s a good chance that he won’t be able to even get an election when you hit your sexual prime in a few years.

You have about every reason in the book to divorce. And I also think any preacher who would promote a man in his 50’s with no job as a good husband for a lady in her 40’s wanting children…..he’s a Charleton as well.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

armstrov said:


> I’ve been praying a lot. I really don’t care to talk to the pastor. He and my husband are great friends. I think my husband is already talking to him. Sometimes I believe the sermons are about us. If I’m correct, I’m viewed as a gold digger. I’m used to having money. I wasn’t born into riches but I worked hard and became successful. In addition, my father was and still is the provider of his household. I always had the expectation my husband would have the same drive and ambition as my father. My husband and I discussed our love and foundations for marriage which is why we were house shopping. I would not intentionally put myself in a situation to suffer like this. I don’t mind working. If we are going to be well off I would still work and do more meaningful things to benefit others. I’m his wife not some strange woman. The fact I’m still with him shows I’m loyal and committed to our marriage. Sometimes I wonder if I were to get pregnant if he would change or if suddenly money would appear and he becomes supportive. Either way it’s financial abuse. I don’t want to take that chance on having a baby with him to end up in worse position possibly. I’m also starting over in a new industry for work and I’m starting at the bottom. Lots of transferable skills from my previous career but I’m still seen as new so I’m not getting paid as much. I’m still looking for a job that pays more.


I would say that you still need to talk to someone, whether it's a pastor from another church or a therapist. 

As for you being viewed as a gold digger, if anything I would say that that title belongs to your husband. Gold diggers want money but they don't want to work for that money. You work hard, and you're the only one who's financially supporting your household. Which, by the way, isn't ALL up to you. It's up to him too. Since you work does he contribute to your marriage in other ways: cooking, cleaning, generally managing things on the home front?

Don't have a baby anytime soon with this man. I hope I'm wrong here, but it feels to me like he told you what he thought you wanted to hear to get you into the marriage, and now that he thinks you're "roped in", he's showing you who he really is.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

armstrov said:


> Takes money for divorce. ... Coming up with $150 for a consult is out of reach bc I’m not working at the moment.


You've been married less than one year. What do you need to consult about? Unless the two of you have investments in both names, it doesn't sound like there's anything to split up. 

All you need do is google divorce laws for your state. States vary in the length of time a couple must live apart before filing for divorce. So it's basically easy. You move out. You establish your own life. You download basic, no-contest divorce templates from online and personalize them to your needs. Then you file the documents with the court. You have a friend or family member serve your husband with the papers.

Done deal. You're making too big a deal about a VERY short marriage to a con man. Get out. Get free. Be done.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

I’ve already looked up divorce laws in my state. At this point I would have to go through with a divorce. I used to work in the legal field. I know how to file the paperwork myself. My concern is getting an attorney to dig deeper into other assets. If he has assets why is he hiding it? Why are we struggling, why am I applying for rental assistance? He decided to pay for half the rent for Jan, March, April and May. This money came from his retirement. Meanwhile his parents medical expenses were paid by him a few months ago. Where we live at rent is very expensive as well as the cost of living. I’ve lived in this apartment prior to us getting married and thankfully we have this place. Avg rent is Aprox 1800 for a 1 br. If I were going to move out I would not qualify for a place on my own and neither would he. I’m actually working for a multi family property management company. My goal is to make enough to qualify for rent at a discounted rate or become a manager m so I can get free rent. It’s easy to say move out but if I did where would I go? I also don’t want to make too much money bc I don’t want him to try to have me pay him spousal support. I’m also in real estate. I will focus on real estate after the divorce. If he were making this effort I would go all out and be super successful. When my firm shut down late last year, part of me knew at the time he was likely using me so I quit. Maybe quitting was a dumb decision and we argue about that but when we were on our honeymoon and he pulled that stunt I felt he planned that so I could pay for everything. I figured he would likely expect me to pay for everything else too.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

armstrov said:


> Most in the church are lovely snd exceptional people. I also feel like there has been a lot of judgment about our from people within the church. I was told we were committing adultery. I can’t be a Sunday school teacher. There is also a lot of legalism at our church. I’m pretty modest but I don’t think wearing earrings should hold someone back from serving in ministry. As another commenter mentioned earlier about seeking counsel from the church may be something that would not work for me bc I may be told to just pray and be submissive. There is this unspoken expectation at my church that women are to be “broken”. Maybe broken is not the right word. I could be wrong but from my observation at church is a woman is to not be pretty, confident, or outspoken. We are to wear dresses at all times. I wear dresses any way. I really want to leave this church and I will once we are no longer together.


I'm sorry, your church dictates to you what you can wear? And if you don't comply, you're not allowed to serve in the ministry? That sounds more like a dictatorship. I would leave that church and find one that's more accepting and less controlling and manipulative.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

armstrov said:


> I’ve already looked up divorce laws in my state. At this point I would have to go through with a divorce. I used to work in the legal field. I know how to file the paperwork myself. My concern is getting an attorney to dig deeper into other assets. If he has assets why is he hiding it? Why are we struggling, why am I applying for rental assistance? He decided to pay for half the rent for Jan, March, April and May. This money came from his retirement. Meanwhile his parents medical expenses were paid by him a few months ago. Where we live at rent is very expensive as well as the cost of living. I’ve lived in this apartment prior to us getting married and thankfully we have this place. Avg rent is Aprox 1800 for a 1 br. If I were going to move out I would not qualify for a place on my own and neither would he. I’m actually working for a multi family property management company. My goal is to make enough to qualify for rent at a discounted rate or become a manager m so I can get free rent. It’s easy to say move out but if I did where would I go? I also don’t want to make too much money bc I don’t want him to try to have me pay him spousal support. I’m also in real estate. I will focus on real estate after the divorce. If he were making this effort I would go all out and be super successful. When my firm shut down late last year, part of me knew at the time he was likely using me so I quit. Maybe quitting was a dumb decision and we argue about that but when we were on our honeymoon and he pulled that stunt I felt he planned that so I could pay for everything. I figured he would likely expect me to pay for everything else too.


Do you have family? Parents? Siblings? Aunts or Uncles? Close friends? Someone who could have you to stay for a while or help you out financially?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Ursula said:


> I'm sorry, your church dictates to you what you can wear? And if you don't comply, you're not allowed to serve in the ministry? That sounds more like a dictatorship. I would leave that church and find one that's more accepting and less controlling and manipulative.


Yes it sounds like a cult.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Yes it sounds like a cult.


Totally agree!


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Do you have family? Parents? Siblings? Aunts or Uncles? Close friends? Someone who could have you to stay for a while or help you out financially?


They are all in a different state. They have been helping us. They can only do so much. I do have my real estate license where they reside too. My dad offered me a plane ticket to move back. I thought about moving home. If I moved back it would only be temporary. I love where I live now and have been here since I was 18. I can’t imagine braking my lease and getting more in debt. I don’t want to file bankruptcy. I know I will get back on teach financially.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

armstrov said:


> I agree with you. I believe he is using church as a cover up. He prays all the time and reads the Bible daily. That’s great but is so confusing to me. He walks around like everything is ok and says I don’t have faith. If I did have faith I would be the same. I do have faith. I believe God is not going to give us something just because we ask for it unless it within his will of course. If whatever happened with the money is true God will give it back. Meanwhile, let’s focus on a plan so we can grow together and be secure. I’m not asking for a house I’m asking for a plan and effort so we can get back on track and have a house. I’m not materialistic. I have high expectations and expectations anyone would have getting into a marriage. No one should have to beg for the basic necessities of life. If I was all about the money I would have left him after the honeymoon fiasco.


You made a mistake. Time to fix that or suffer needlessly.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

armstrov said:


> They are all in a different state. They have been helping us. They can only do so much. I do have my real estate license where they reside too. My dad offered me a plane ticket to move back. I thought about moving home. If I moved back it would only be temporary. I love where I live now and have been here since I was 18. I can’t imagine braking my lease and getting more in debt. I don’t want to file bankruptcy. I know I will get back on teach financially.


Have you told them what has been happening?


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Have you told them what has been happening?


Yes they are aware. They want me to move home.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

armstrov said:


> Yes they are aware. They want me to move home.


You should. Leave this liar right now. I can only speak from my own experience but I almost married a guy I met through church. He was a liar and almost tricked me into ruining my life and ending up in a living hell. Run from those men. Fast.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

armstrov said:


> I used to work in the legal field. I know how to file the paperwork myself. My concern is getting an attorney to dig deeper into other assets.


With a marriage of such short duration - and if assets were not acquired with commingled funds - you have no right to whatever is HIS. Even in a community property state, if he acquired the "assets" prior to marriage, they probably aren't deemed marital property. 

But I guess you already know that, right?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

armstrov said:


> I’ve already looked up divorce laws in my state. At this point I would have to go through with a divorce. I used to work in the legal field. I know how to file the paperwork myself. My concern is getting an attorney to dig deeper into other assets. If he has assets why is he hiding it? Why are we struggling, why am I applying for rental assistance? He decided to pay for half the rent for Jan, March, April and May. This money came from his retirement. Meanwhile his parents medical expenses were paid by him a few months ago. Where we live at rent is very expensive as well as the cost of living. I’ve lived in this apartment prior to us getting married and thankfully we have this place. Avg rent is Aprox 1800 for a 1 br. If I were going to move out I would not qualify for a place on my own and neither would he. I’m actually working for a multi family property management company. My goal is to make enough to qualify for rent at a discounted rate or become a manager m so I can get free rent. It’s easy to say move out but if I did where would I go? I also don’t want to make too much money bc I don’t want him to try to have me pay him spousal support. I’m also in real estate. I will focus on real estate after the divorce. If he were making this effort I would go all out and be super successful. When my firm shut down late last year, part of me knew at the time he was likely using me so I quit. Maybe quitting was a dumb decision and we argue about that but when we were on our honeymoon and he pulled that stunt I felt he planned that so I could pay for everything. I figured he would likely expect me to pay for everything else too.


You’ve been married a year. What spousal support? Lol. Are you sure you’ve spoken to an attorney?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

ETA: Maybe this guy is a billionaire for all you know. But the thing is, it sounds like you are making this more difficult than need be. If you want to stay married to this man, fine. If not, then it would behoove you to take concrete steps to leave. And unless this guy is a slum dog millionaire - which I sincerely doubt - you have nothing to fight over. Seriously.

Just spit-balling here, but you are either making excuses to stay or you haven't yet gained the impetus to leave. Frankly, I don't see one thing Mr. Charming might possess that would make you stay.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

armstrov said:


> I also don’t want to make too much money bc I don’t want him to try to have me pay him spousal support.


And you claim you've worked in the "legal field." Spousal support comes into the picture when there is a marriage of a certain duration. You do not have that.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

As said, even if he’s loaded, it happened before they got married and she don’t see a dime. Just divorce.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> You should. Leave this liar right now. I can only speak from my own experience but I almost married a guy I met through church. He was a liar and almost tricked me into ruining my life and ending up in a living hell. Run from those men. Fast.


Thankfully most men in church are decent guys, but you will always get a few who will use church to get what they want.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Thankfully most men in church are decent guys, but you will always get a few who will use church to get what they want.


The truth is, there are bad people everywhere. I spent the first 30 years of my life around the church so percentage-wise the bad people I would meet would be church people because that’s who I was around. But it’s certainly not exclusive to the church.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

TexasMom1216 said:


> The truth is, there are bad people everywhere. I spent the first 30 years of my life around the church so percentage-wise the bad people I would meet would be church people because that’s who I was around. But it’s certainly not exclusive to the church.


I must be lucky cos the number of dodgy people I gave come across in church is tiny. Probably less than 1%.
There are scammers and users everywhere of course and that applies to this guy. Claiming he is oh so spiritual but living a complete lie.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I must be lucky cos the number of dodgy people I gave come across in church is tiny. Probably less than 1%.
> There are scammers and users everywhere of course and that applies to this guy. Claiming he is oh so spiritual but living a complete lie.


You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.


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## ShatteredKat (Mar 23, 2016)

*armstrov*

I think you have been fliim-flammed

Have you asked for proof of past employment and proof of money existed (in the past?)

Your story smells more than a 3 day old fish left on the fish cleaning station -


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

armstrov said:


> He in his mid 50’s and I’m in my 30’s.


What?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

armstrov said:


> Yes prayer works and provides great comfort. Prayer of course does not work in every situation but I know God can make miracles happen. I tell my husband we need to act on the things we want. I am constantly planning.


Kick him out until he gets a job.

Sorry but your husband is a dead beat. I have yet to find a good Christian man that acts like your husband is.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

armstrov said:


> My husband and I have been married for 7.5 months now. I feel deeply deceived by him. It’s my fault because I denied my intuition initially and failed to dig deeper. I have not seeked counseling yet because I’m not able to afford it. We met at church and he’s been a long time member and many people at church (including the pastor) always talked about how great of a man he was which led me to be too trusting. Divorce has been on my mind for three months now. Prior to us getting married, my husband made promises to me and made it seem like he was able to support us financially. He paid for everything and prior to getting married we were shopping for homes. He supposedly made a fortune from contract work overseas. Supposedly someone was holding all his money for him and when we were ready to buy our house this person stole all his money. I questioned what happened then but I thought he is a man of God, he would not make up such s story. I’ve had opportunities to marry men with money previously but they did not want kids. My husband and I have a great desire for kids and have plenty in common, especially our relationship with Jesus. Anyway, I had a great paying job and shortly after getting married my employer shut its doors. I decided to take some time off so I could focus on my marriage and give myself a break because I was exhausted mentally from work. Even though I was no longer working I found myself paying for everything including rent. He is retired and receives very little in retirement. He moved in with me and for the first few months I paid for everything. He refuses to work but pretends to be interested in jobs occasionally. I’m back to working again but I’m only making a third of what I used to make and I feel such a great weight. I honestly feel like my life was better prior to getting married and I have resentment towards him. I’ve talked to my husband but he won’t budge. My faith with God remains but it’s been tested greatly. It’s hard to trust my husband at all now.
> I love my husband so much and we have such a great time with one another for the most part. He claims I am the love of his life and God has blessed him with me. On our honeymoon my husband said he was going to pay for everything. We drive half way across the country to discover he had no money in his account. How could he not know? This is when I started having serious doubts. When his card was declined he through a fit. I figured either he was really expecting this deposit or he is a great actor. I decided to pay for our honeymoon. Silly on my part but I wanted to believe he would not lie about something like this.
> Anyway, My husband is very handsome and in his past marriage he and his wife cheated on one another frequently. I did not know of this until after we married. He made it seem like she was the offender. I like to think he’s not like that anymore because people change and I know I have changed a lot but I also get the impression he would be good at hiding it since he erases his phone calls, browsing history, etc. I feel like I married a stranger. I don’t even feel like his wife at times. When I’m working we are talking throughout the day constantly but I feel like I cannot trust him financially and to remain faithful. I recently found out he had an affair with his sister in law a couple of years ago but he doesn’t know that I know. If he could do something like that then he doesn’t care. The affair was with his dead brother’s wife. He is fully capable of working but chooses not to. We have been donating plasma for extra money for the last 5 months now. He has no shame as you can see. I just feel like if I’m going to be doing all the work then I may as well be on my own again. Part of me feels like he is using me. I should definitely seek therapy but I’m thinking the signs are all there and I know what I need to do to remedy the situation.


I feel like it was a scam. Sorry to be blunt but these tails of not being able to put your hands on your own money are an earmark of scams.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.


These are people we got to know well. I am pretty intuitive, I can usually pick up if all isnt as it should be.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Scammers will use churchgoers as a way to not only reach naive people but misrepresent themselves.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

You better lock down your finances through an attorney before you let him know anything's up. I just think he totally scammed you. Con artists generally are charming. That's how they get away with it for so long.


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## snowbum (Dec 14, 2021)

You’ve been taken for a ride. Drop this guy


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

armstrov said:


> My husband and I have been married for 7.5 months now. I feel deeply deceived by him. It’s my fault because I denied my intuition initially and failed to dig deeper. I have not seeked counseling yet because I’m not able to afford it. We met at church and he’s been a long time member and many people at church (including the pastor) always talked about how great of a man he was which led me to be too trusting. Divorce has been on my mind for three months now. Prior to us getting married, my husband made promises to me and made it seem like he was able to support us financially. He paid for everything and prior to getting married we were shopping for homes. He supposedly made a fortune from contract work overseas. Supposedly someone was holding all his money for him and when we were ready to buy our house this person stole all his money. I questioned what happened then but I thought he is a man of God, he would not make up such s story. I’ve had opportunities to marry men with money previously but they did not want kids. My husband and I have a great desire for kids and have plenty in common, especially our relationship with Jesus. Anyway, I had a great paying job and shortly after getting married my employer shut its doors. I decided to take some time off so I could focus on my marriage and give myself a break because I was exhausted mentally from work. Even though I was no longer working I found myself paying for everything including rent. He is retired and receives very little in retirement. He moved in with me and for the first few months I paid for everything. He refuses to work but pretends to be interested in jobs occasionally. I’m back to working again but I’m only making a third of what I used to make and I feel such a great weight. I honestly feel like my life was better prior to getting married and I have resentment towards him. I’ve talked to my husband but he won’t budge. My faith with God remains but it’s been tested greatly. It’s hard to trust my husband at all now.
> I love my husband so much and we have such a great time with one another for the most part. He claims I am the love of his life and God has blessed him with me. On our honeymoon my husband said he was going to pay for everything. We drive half way across the country to discover he had no money in his account. How could he not know? This is when I started having serious doubts. When his card was declined he through a fit. I figured either he was really expecting this deposit or he is a great actor. I decided to pay for our honeymoon. Silly on my part but I wanted to believe he would not lie about something like this.
> Anyway, My husband is very handsome and in his past marriage he and his wife cheated on one another frequently. I did not know of this until after we married. He made it seem like she was the offender. I like to think he’s not like that anymore because people change and I know I have changed a lot but I also get the impression he would be good at hiding it since he erases his phone calls, browsing history, etc. I feel like I married a stranger. I don’t even feel like his wife at times. When I’m working we are talking throughout the day constantly but I feel like I cannot trust him financially and to remain faithful. I recently found out he had an affair with his sister in law a couple of years ago but he doesn’t know that I know. If he could do something like that then he doesn’t care. The affair was with his dead brother’s wife. He is fully capable of working but chooses not to. We have been donating plasma for extra money for the last 5 months now. He has no shame as you can see. I just feel like if I’m going to be doing all the work then I may as well be on my own again. Part of me feels like he is using me. I should definitely seek therapy but I’m thinking the signs are all there and I know what I need to do to remedy the situation.


I doubt he is a great follower of Jesus bases on his cheating history and his obvious lying to you. He will drain yiu dry, get out now.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I think I'm seeing where the 'gold-digger' label is coming from.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

He’s got money for 6 months rent and to bail out his parents for medical expenses…..hmmmm

let me guess: He never lets you see his bank account, he never lets you see the checks he receives for income, etc etc.

So he pays his half of the rent. What else does he pay half of? Utilities? Groceries? Gas?

lots of questions about this guy.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Evinrude58 said:


> He’s got money for 6 months rent and to bail out his parents for medical expenses…..hmmmm
> 
> let me guess: He never lets you see his bank account, he never lets you see the checks he receives for income, etc etc.
> 
> ...


He pays for half of the groceries and my phone bill. I was scheduled to get new tires (Aprox 1200) right after we were married. I was going to pay for them. Since I paid for honeymoon I could get new tires. Earlier this year he actually paid for tires for my car but he used a credit card. When I mentioned divorce a couple of months ago he said if I divorced him he would take the tires off my car and take my phone. He also promised me a brand new car prior to marriage. My car thankfully is almost paid off. It’s a luxury car and is 5 years old. I thought about selling it bc I can get 10k more than what I owe on it. I prefer selling my car to be the last option. At this point I’m just trying to save but I have so much to pay for that my pay only covers my portion of the rent, gas, a couple of bills and that’s it. He does not let me see his account just like I don’t let him see mine. His kids are a few years younger than me. One has a house and a family and prior to us marrying he said he was trying to help her pay her house off…


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

armstrov said:


> He pays for half of the groceries and my phone bill. I was scheduled to get new tires (Aprox 1200) right after we were married. I was going to pay for them. Since I paid for honeymoon I could get new tires. Earlier this year he actually paid for tires for my car but he used a credit card. When I mentioned divorce a couple of months ago he said if I divorced him he would take the tires off my car and take my phone. He also promised me a brand new car prior to marriage. My car thankfully is almost paid off. It’s a luxury car and is 5 years old. I thought about selling it bc I can get 10k more than what I owe on it. I prefer selling my car to be the last option. At this point I’m just trying to save but I have so much to pay for that my pay only covers my portion of the rent, gas, a couple of bills and that’s it*. He does not let me see his account just like I don’t let him see mine. *His kids are a few years younger than me. One has a house and a family and prior to us marrying he said he was trying to help her pay her house off…


this isn’t a marriage. Not in your part or his.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

armstrov said:


> Yes prayer works and provides great comfort. Prayer of course does not work in every situation but I know God can make miracles happen. I tell my husband we need to act on the things we want. I am constantly planning.


He doesn't _really_ read the Bible. And he doesn't _really_ pray. 

Time to see a lawyer to annul this sham marriage.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

armstrov said:


> He pays for half of the groceries and my phone bill. I was scheduled to get new tires (Aprox 1200) right after we were married. I was going to pay for them. Since I paid for honeymoon I could get new tires. Earlier this year he actually paid for tires for my car but he used a credit card. When I mentioned divorce a couple of months ago he said if I divorced him he would take the tires off my car and take my phone. He also promised me a brand new car prior to marriage. My car thankfully is almost paid off. It’s a luxury car and is 5 years old. I thought about selling it bc I can get 10k more than what I owe on it. I prefer selling my car to be the last option. At this point I’m just trying to save but I have so much to pay for that my pay only covers my portion of the rent, gas, a couple of bills and that’s it. He does not let me see his account just like I don’t let him see mine. His kids are a few years younger than me. One has a house and a family and prior to us marrying he said he was trying to help her pay her house off…


He's a con artist. Hold your car in your name and don't sell until you'd need cash for an attorney. The longer you stay in this, the more debt he will run up that you will also be responsible for in all likelihood, so get started with an attorney.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

One word to describe your husband. FAKE.


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## Blue17Wind (8 mo ago)

armstrov said:


> I’ve already looked up divorce laws in my state. At this point I would have to go through with a divorce. I used to work in the legal field. I know how to file the paperwork myself. My concern is getting an attorney to dig deeper into other assets. If he has assets why is he hiding it? Why are we struggling, why am I applying for rental assistance? He decided to pay for half the rent for Jan, March, April and May. This money came from his retirement. Meanwhile his parents medical expenses were paid by him a few months ago. Where we live at rent is very expensive as well as the cost of living. I’ve lived in this apartment prior to us getting married and thankfully we have this place. Avg rent is Aprox 1800 for a 1 br. If I were going to move out I would not qualify for a place on my own and neither would he. I’m actually working for a multi family property management company. My goal is to make enough to qualify for rent at a discounted rate or become a manager m so I can get free rent. It’s easy to say move out but if I did where would I go? I also don’t want to make too much money bc I don’t want him to try to have me pay him spousal support. I’m also in real estate. I will focus on real estate after the divorce. If he were making this effort I would go all out and be super successful. When my firm shut down late last year, part of me knew at the time he was likely using me so I quit. Maybe quitting was a dumb decision and we argue about that but when we were on our honeymoon and he pulled that stunt I felt he planned that so I could pay for everything. I figured he would likely expect me to pay for everything else too.


This made absolutely no sense. If neither of you are producing an income there is no expectation of support. Even if there were it would only be up to 40% of the income of the greater wage earner, minus the other persons income. For a duration of 50% of the time married at seperation (Less than 10 yrs.). In this situation 6 months at most, with majority of States granting nothing for such a short marraige.
With you wanting to dig into his possiblity of hiding assets from you. I'm starting to think you are just as guilty of deception. Even if you were to discover an asset under "discovery" those would be assets before marraige which you have no legal right, too. Now if you did get pregnant and went to term with his child, then the child would be entitled to child support, dependent on custody agreement. But spousal support will still not be a guarantee even in this situation. Again, this concept of needing to hiring a lawyer to look into his assets has shed the light on a different level.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

armstrov said:


> He pays for half of the groceries and my phone bill. I was scheduled to get new tires (Aprox 1200) right after we were married. I was going to pay for them. Since I paid for honeymoon I could get new tires. Earlier this year he actually paid for tires for my car but he used a credit card. When I mentioned divorce a couple of months ago he said if I divorced him he would take the tires off my car and take my phone. He also promised me a brand new car prior to marriage. My car thankfully is almost paid off. It’s a luxury car and is 5 years old. I thought about selling it bc I can get 10k more than what I owe on it. I prefer selling my car to be the last option. At this point I’m just trying to save but I have so much to pay for that my pay only covers my portion of the rent, gas, a couple of bills and that’s it. He does not let me see his account just like I don’t let him see mine. His kids are a few years younger than me. One has a house and a family and prior to us marrying he said he was trying to help her pay her house off…


Call his bluff. Geez, threatening to take the tires off your car as a way of stalling you?

How did you trust someone who had previously cheated on a wife anyway?


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## Wolfman1968 (Jun 9, 2011)

Annulment.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I think @Blue17Wind brings up a valid point here. What is your motivation to find his "hidden assets"? You have no legal rights to anything he earned prior to your marriage. Y'know, for someone who claims to have worked in the legal profession, you sound woefully uninformed.


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## armstrov (8 mo ago)

Prodigal said:


> I think @Blue17Wind brings up a valid point here. What is your motivation to find his "hidden assets"? You have no legal rights to anything he earned prior to your marriage. Y'know, for someone who claims to have worked in the legal profession, you sound woefully uninformed.


Simple, I want what was promised to me.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

armstrov said:


> Simple, I want what was promised to me.


Don’t we all. Some of us had better luck then others.

I would like to see him take your tires.

If you have a good car and it is almost paid for, do not sell it. Pay it off then you will have the extra funds to help you move forward.

He showed you who he is saying he would remove the tires from your car. He threatened you instead of fixing the issues.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I think you’ll likely find yourself out of luck collecting on those promises.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sadly scammers and liars promise a lot but give nothing. They just take.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Since he isn’t willing to be a partner for you - divorce him.
He scammed you! He’s been lying for a long time.
Get out while you can! It would be easier being on your own. At least you can trust yourself.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

armstrov said:


> I want what was promised to me.


What specifically did he promise?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

armstrov said:


> Prior to us getting married, my husband made promises to me and made it seem like he was able to support us financially.





armstrov said:


> I cannot trust him financially and to remain faithful.


Based on ^^this^^ I think you should consider making peace with the fact that his "promises" are not going to be kept. Sadly, you can want him to come through and make good; however, it sounds like this man is not trustworthy. It's up to you to determine if you can stay in a marriage to a man who has a history of lying and cheating. If not, it would behoove you to leave.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

So his promise was to support you financially, and him paying half of everything isn’t living up to his promises? So you wanted a man that would pay your way in life?
That’s a pretty good deal, no doubt.


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Evinrude58 said:


> So his promise was to support you financially, and him paying half of everything isn’t living up to his promises? So you wanted a man that would pay your way in life?
> That’s a pretty good deal, no doubt.


she indicated she loved her job and made good money.
She expected to be able to quit working when she planned to have kids.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You don't know what goes on behind closed doors.


Or, on the other side of the veil.

You deal with those living on this side of that veil.

We deal with entities from other realms. 

All, want something.


_SCM-_


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

armstrov said:


> My husband and I have been married for 7.5 months now. I feel deeply deceived by him. It’s my fault because I denied my intuition initially and failed to dig deeper. I have not seeked counseling yet because I’m not able to afford it. We met at church and he’s been a long time member and many people at church (including the pastor) always talked about how great of a man he was which led me to be too trusting. Divorce has been on my mind for three months now. Prior to us getting married, my husband made promises to me and made it seem like he was able to support us financially. He paid for everything and prior to getting married we were shopping for homes. He supposedly made a fortune from contract work overseas. Supposedly someone was holding all his money for him and when we were ready to buy our house this person stole all his money. I questioned what happened then but I thought he is a man of God, he would not make up such s story. I’ve had opportunities to marry men with money previously but they did not want kids. My husband and I have a great desire for kids and have plenty in common, especially our relationship with Jesus. Anyway, I had a great paying job and shortly after getting married my employer shut its doors. I decided to take some time off so I could focus on my marriage and give myself a break because I was exhausted mentally from work. Even though I was no longer working I found myself paying for everything including rent. He is retired and receives very little in retirement. He moved in with me and for the first few months I paid for everything. He refuses to work but pretends to be interested in jobs occasionally. I’m back to working again but I’m only making a third of what I used to make and I feel such a great weight. I honestly feel like my life was better prior to getting married and I have resentment towards him. I’ve talked to my husband but he won’t budge. My faith with God remains but it’s been tested greatly. It’s hard to trust my husband at all now.
> I love my husband so much and we have such a great time with one another for the most part. He claims I am the love of his life and God has blessed him with me. On our honeymoon my husband said he was going to pay for everything. We drive half way across the country to discover he had no money in his account. How could he not know? This is when I started having serious doubts. When his card was declined he through a fit. I figured either he was really expecting this deposit or he is a great actor. I decided to pay for our honeymoon. Silly on my part but I wanted to believe he would not lie about something like this.
> Anyway, My husband is very handsome and in his past marriage he and his wife cheated on one another frequently. I did not know of this until after we married. He made it seem like she was the offender. I like to think he’s not like that anymore because people change and I know I have changed a lot but I also get the impression he would be good at hiding it since he erases his phone calls, browsing history, etc. I feel like I married a stranger. I don’t even feel like his wife at times. When I’m working we are talking throughout the day constantly but I feel like I cannot trust him financially and to remain faithful. I recently found out he had an affair with his sister in law a couple of years ago but he doesn’t know that I know. If he could do something like that then he doesn’t care. The affair was with his dead brother’s wife. He is fully capable of working but chooses not to. We have been donating plasma for extra money for the last 5 months now. He has no shame as you can see. I just feel like if I’m going to be doing all the work then I may as well be on my own again. Part of me feels like he is using me. I should definitely seek therapy but I’m thinking the signs are all there and I know what I need to do to remedy the situation.


He is a lying grifter. Run for the exits.


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

armstrov said:


> Of course not. Takes money for divorce. My savings is depleted. I’m out of work now due to covid. I was diagnosed a couple of days ago. That’s why I been responsive to all these replies. Trust me I love myself enough to move forward. I’m happy I know now vs 5 years from now. I’ve already contacted a divorce attorney. Coming up with $150 for a consult is out of reach bc I’m not working at the moment. At least I’m gathering resources and researching amounts to be prepared. Just because this happened to me it does not mean I am a woman of low worth. I think my biggest mistake is placing people within the church on a pedestal.


Will be the best money you have ever spent getting rid of this lying leach


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

If you don’t have the money - go to the courthouse and ask for the help desk. They should be able to provide you with enough information to give you an idea of how to make this happen. They may have a list of attorneys to help you out.


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