# Not sure what to do



## retodd (Apr 19, 2009)

Well i am married but we are seperated living in the same house. My wife had an affair with one of our best friends. I told her that i would be willing to fix it but she wants some space to figure out what she wants. So i told her that i am not waiting for her. and if i find someone else its her lose. She agrees. 

Ok so we have been together since i was a senior in high school. twelve years ago. I have never had to look or date. she is my first girlfriend and then i married her and had two kids. 

I am wondering how do u meet women. Never had to do it. I go out with friends but cant tell who is single and there are hardly ever any women out there. I tried online for two weeks but every site u gotta pay for. No money for that. 

Should I not look and wait or should I look? And if i look where do i start? Plz help i am going crazy trying to figure this out.


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

I'm 50 and was single 30 years, dating here and there with a few serious relationships. I never married because no one I met I deemed marriage worthy.
Now after meeting a man I thought was marriage worthy and feeling let down big time..............


only place I will ever consider messing with any men again is if he is rich, near death and has no one to leave his money to.
Other than that, I have no interest in dating ever again.

Most people these days go online to dating sites, more so if they are older than 30 and working full time ( too busy to get out much and be very social) its a easy way of meeting someone.
There are literally millions of people on those major sites.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Do you obligations that keep you from doing things you like to do on a regular basis? If not, I suggest throwing yourself into what you want to spend your time doing--and make a point of befriending everyone and their brother connected with those things, old, young, doesn't matter. Finding someone through friends and other contacts is a much better way, IMHO, to go, than dating services. And, you are having fun doing what you enjoy and meeting all SORTS of people in the meanwhile. If you don't have kids, take time to explore different interests, and see who you meet that way. The grandmother in your new bookclub could have a coworker you'd meet, for example. Be friendly, and you will have friends and fun and increase your chances of connecting with like-minded people.


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## Chloebluegreen (May 26, 2009)

Hi retodd,

Something you don't mention in your post is whether or not you have any outlets, hobbies, things that you are interested in which could lead you to meeting someone. I personally don't think you can force these things though, they either happen or they don't, but the more that you are out and about, particularly if you are doing something you enjoy, the more chance you'll have of meeting someone.

Work is another place where one hell of a lot of couples meet, although you didn't mention if you were working or not, or if you work in an all male environment.

Then of course there are clubs and bars all over the place, some of them specifically for singles, whilst others have theme nights for singles over 40 or singles only nights.

So, in answer to you question 'how do I meet women?' it can't be that difficult - there are millions of us all over the place - just put yourself out a bit, try a few new things and see what develops. At worst you may meet a few new male freinds who may be able to introduce you to someone.

Good luck


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## Icee (Mar 31, 2009)

It's a numbers game... lots of rejection and eventually some yes'.


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## Country Girl (Apr 19, 2009)

Hi retodd!

I had to check out your post! If you've been following my posts under the "Confused" thread, you'll see what an adventure dating can be (especially for those of us who are still just separated). There are several free dating sites. Just use those and have fun. However, don't do like the guys I've been out with and fall in love on the first date. lol


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## retodd (Apr 19, 2009)

I wanna thank u all for ur comments. Counrty girl thanks u helped alot and got me looking. Yes i work full time and i have two wonderful kids that take most of my time. Being seperated is alot especiallyw when u take on all the bills and late bills that u didnt know about. so right now i dont even get to go out. but i am hopefull. thank u.


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## Pdad (Sep 24, 2009)

Still married? No dating others. If yu think there is a chance to save the marriage, and you want to do so, that's your first priority. Counseling may help, but you need to make a stand. Once you're divorced, then worry about where to go to find someone to date.


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## sjm1983 (Sep 18, 2009)

Maybe I have read your post wrong but to me it sounds like you are hurting about her wanting it to be over and you kinda wanna throw that back at her while you still can.

You said "So i told her that i am not waiting for her. and if i find someone else its her lose. She agrees."

I think that if she doesn't come around and you happen upon something then great but at this point you shouldn't necessarily be looking for something to happen.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

You should still be developing an independent life, one that is fulfilling while still leaving family time. Yeah, dating while separated isn't necessarily a good idea.


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