# family Christmas crap



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Our family tradition was Christmas Eve at my mom's house. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. My mom passed away in 2007 and that year and next we hosted everyone including cousins who lost their parents that year. This year my brother has a new girlfriend who invited everyone to her place Christmas Eve this year. The emails are flying back and forth thanking brother's gf for making us a family again. Like WTF. I mean gracious of her to host but is what I did just crap? I'm I over-sensitive? Would you say something?
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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Would you say something?


Yes, I would thank your brother and his gf for taking the pressure off you to do everything again, so you can kick back and just enjoy the food, beverages, and season cheer they provide.


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

Well what was your plan this year - were you hosting this year too? Maybe they are simply thanking her rather than dismissing you?

I say enjoy it.

OF course, if it makes tyou feel better you could always drop the: "Wow, I did this the past 2 years - what am I, chopped liver?" But seems a little bitter, doesnt it? Let it go and have a cookie and some eggnog.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Our family tradition was Christmas Eve at my mom's house. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. My mom passed away in 2007 and that year and next we hosted everyone including cousins who lost their parents that year. This year my brother has a new girlfriend who invited everyone to her place Christmas Eve this year. The emails are flying back and forth thanking brother's gf for making us a family again. Like WTF. I mean gracious of her to host but is what I did just crap? I'm I over-sensitive? Would you say something?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's his new girlfriend and she's inviting all his family over? How wonderful that she is embracing this rather than sitting back as the newbie. Thank goodness you can just put your feet up this year! 

Let go of that bitterness. You know you did good the last 2 years. Enjoy the celebrations, for your own sake.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

heartsbeating said:


> She's his new girlfriend and she's inviting all his family over? How wonderful that she is embracing this rather than sitting back as the newbie. Thank goodness you can just put your feet up this year!
> 
> Let go of that bitterness. You know you did good the last 2 years. Enjoy the celebrations, for your own sake.


I like her. I'm happy to attend. I guess I just felt annoyed that my efforts over the years (with a newborn) were completely discounted. No one doesn't like feeling appreciated.
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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> No one doesn't like feeling appreciated.


You are absolutely correct. But often, our good deads go unnoticed, unappreciated, and ignored. However, you can take joy from the fact that you did something great for your family, while contending with a newborn, even though they didn't acknowledge it. Take joy and feel good that you did something out of love for your family, even if they never acknowledge it.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

famous saying in our house.............it ain't christmass until someone is crying!:smthumbup:


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

chillymorn said:


> famous saying in our house.............it ain't christmass until someone is crying!:smthumbup:


Or drunk lol
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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

Let her do it! Enjoy!
Relax!
Tradition is good but why not?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I do the 3 biggies every year for my husbands side of the family -siblings & their kids & significant others (Thanksgiving, Christmas & Easter) -for the last 7 or so years. I got too many kids & I don't think they want them all at their houses ! But I can understand that, I even did Easter 5 weeks after my last C-section. I still offered, I knew I could handle it. 

I think I would be a bit thrilled if another relative stepped forward though, no matter who she was, so long as I was invited, boy I would celebrate that! Don't think it will be happening any time soon though, Grams house is too cluttered, the sisters don't have the room, her daughters are college bound. 

For me, just having "family" makes it worthwhile, sure it is alot of work, but when you see them have good times, good memories in your house, whether you get alot of compliments or not, if you see the laughter in those moments, it was all worth the while -for whatever "season" it lasted. This is how I have to look at it. All we can do is our best, spread out for them. I know what they all love when they come to our house, my Louisana Licker hot wings, always the 1st thing to go. I may not get a load of praise but that filling of the plates speaks for itself, ya know. 

*I am sure they were thankful for what you have done in the past. Think about the years past, did they have FUN, did they laugh, be jolly, did they eat hearty ?? A compliment here , a compliement there?* 

My sister in law called me 2 days after Thanksgiving this year, I don't recall her doing this before, just to say she really enjoyed our kids this year, it made her day, our littlest was confused & he kept calling his Uncle Aunt " ", then came back a little later, getting the Uncle part right but butchered his name & turned it into a girls name, it was the funniest thing. Memories in the making. 

For when you do get your family together, take a few pictures, pass them out , this too allows them to always remember when. Even when the season may pass to another. 

Can always throw a family picnic Bash in the summer too ! And take turns with the other ladies, sharing is good. Help each other.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I do the 3 biggies every year for my husbands side of the family -siblings & their kids & significant others (Thanksgiving, Christmas & Easter) -for the last 7 or so years. I got too many kids & I don't think they want them all at their houses ! But I can understand that, I even did Easter 5 weeks after my last C-section. I still offered, I knew I could handle it.
> 
> I think I would be a bit thrilled if another relative stepped forward though, no matter who she was, so long as I was invited, boy I would celebrate that! Don't think it will be happening any time soon though, Grams house is too cluttered, the sisters don't have the room, her daughters are college bound.
> 
> ...




That's it in a nutshell. I don't begrudge brother's gf hosting. I don't mind. It's not pushing me off any duty I loved. It's the statement to everyone, me included that we never had a family Christmas since my mom died til this year. That's pretty insensitive. It's me hosting Thanksgiving and birthdays and not the courtesy of an RSVP confirming attendance. It's showing up last minute as if other plans fell through and good old back up is sucker enough to have full-course for everyone. It's receiving an email inviting my two brothers for supper 3 weeks after hosting Thanksgiving, not being included, but date of supper invite is MY birthday. It's that after shelling out for drinks, cake, appetizers and bbq for son's birthday, he receives a dog toy as a birthday gift. Like come on. A card would be less insulting. Or nothing!
It's probably babyish and immature but it is how I feel. It's not that I wanted to do it, it just was a slap in the face that the past 4 years that I did it wasn't appreciated. Not even close. And I'm the youngest! 
I do appreciate gf. I will go and be Merry. It just really sucks ass.
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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> famous saying in our house.............it ain't christmass until someone is crying!:smthumbup:


:rofl: Ours is similar....but swap out "crying" with "yelling and storming off".


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Laurae1967 said:


> :rofl: Ours is similar....but swap out "crying" with "yelling and storming off".


Nah. I don't make scenes. I would possibly have addressed it with my sister (the one who made the comment), but I think I will just chalk it up to being insensitive and me over-sensitive and get drunk uhh I mean over it.
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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Our family tradition was Christmas Eve at my mom's house. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. My mom passed away in 2007 and that year and next we hosted everyone including cousins who lost their parents that year. This year my brother has a new girlfriend who invited everyone to her place Christmas Eve this year. The emails are flying back and forth thanking brother's gf for making us a family again. Like WTF. I mean gracious of her to host but is what I did just crap? I'm I over-sensitive? Would you say something?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe you could write up a family Christmas Letter or memory.. and in it talk about Christmas when your mother was with you... and then how things were in the last two years when you hosted the Christmas and some memories... this would be a positive way for you to mind family members that you were all a family the last two years as well.

You might even bring up that the statement about you all being a family 'again' got you to thinking and brought up all kinds of fond memories that include the last two year.... that you have all been a family all along.

The thing that might have brought out the emotional response this year about 'family again' might be that your family has finally moved beyond the grief of losing your mother. And now the family is redifining itself without your mother....


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Just stop doing this stuff..and see if they notice. Maybe it's time to hand over the reins to someone else and enjoy being a guest rather than a host. :smthumbup:

I wouldn't say ANYTHING to anyone but "thank you" to the girlfriend. You'll just look bad and everyone might say "Of course we appreciated you!" but they will be rolling their eyes as soon as you walk away.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> It's me hosting Thanksgiving and birthdays and not the courtesy of an RSVP confirming attendance. It's showing up last minute as if other plans fell through and good old back up is sucker enough to have full-course for everyone.


 Just saying, at my house, I just cook a storm up, I have never done RSVP's , that to me is way too formal for a family gathering and it never bothers me if the cousins bring a new BF or GF , even a friend, the more the merrier, if I run out of food, oh well, but that has never happened either. The only thing that would upset me is...if they brought someone who had a criminal background to my house. 

Sometimes I think women can get a little carried away with all of this, to the point of making who comes feel they owe them something..... I never want my guests to feel this way, all I want is them to have a good time with each other , make memories, nothing more do I expect, *this is MY reward * I do consider Hostessing a gift of mine ... being Thankful I have family.... I would not even be offended if others went somewhere else, maybe if they all did - I might think WTF ....but we'd just have a bunch of friends over later for a night or 2 and have lots of left overs. I always feel the best when the day is over cause now I won't have to cook for days ! Love it ! 



> It's that after shelling out for drinks, cake, appetizers and bbq for son's birthday, he receives a dog toy as a birthday gift.


 Most of my husbands family does not have much $$, I have even written them letters asking them to NOT buy for my kids (I have too many & I don't want them to see my kids as a hardship, I am thinking of them). I do so appreciate when they come to thier parties and such -I never expect much , this is a good thing. Half the time I am not even sure what they got them cause our parties are so busy & chaotic ..... I can see if you feel this way if they are treating other neices & nephews like royalty-buying them BIG gifts while yours are getting dallor store items .... but if all is receiving smaller gifts anyway, some people are just not that much into gift giving. Again, the reward should be giving FUN memories to your son.. 

When I throw B parties, I focus on their friends, NOT the relatives at all, as *the kids *is what makes these parties & the memoreis, family is boring when you think about it .... I make my own cake (to save $$) , but I go all out on FUN things to entertain them... I get a can of silly string for about 16 kids, do a pinata, set up a Bonzia water slide-even get out the shaving cream to make it more slippery , do water bombs, I have gotten pony rides for about 4 years now for my daughter (the biggest expense) many many memories. 

That fun is way more exciting than the presents they open, sometimes we don't even fit that in -when the party is supposed to be ending. 

I rarely even remember who got the kids what, It makes no difference to me, it is that they CAME that I look at, and my child had a wonderful day. 

I am not trying to discount how you feel, just giving another perspective on this...If I watched closely what everyone Brang as presents, or how much I was complimented and focused on this, I think it might set me up for disappointment. Sometimes comparing just gets us in trouble. 



Next Birthday party -throw one the way your son wants --FRIENDS -forget family, do a sleep over, take them all to a movie -something fun & memorable. (I go to the local $1 theater ) Take pics of them goofing off. I live for that kind of stuff, just seeing my kids happy. 

And on these holidays, it is still about the kids, and family, just seeing them happy. I do foot 90% of the bill --but hey, I wanted all of these kids -this is my price ! I got the house, I got the room, and thankfully, I can afford to do it. This I am very thankful for. Not to say I am not a little bit of a humbug in all the planning -Yes, I am and happy when the day is finally here and all is done.

Just another perspective is all.  Go and enjoy on Christmas, lift your glasses to a toast - to family. Even if they fall short of our expectations - sometimes.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Just saying, at my house, I just cook a storm up, I have never done RSVP's , that to me is way too formal for a family gathering and it never bothers me if the cousins bring a new BF or GF , even a friend, the more the merrier, if I run out of food, oh well, but that has never happened either. The only thing that would upset me is...if they brought someone who had a criminal background to my house.
> 
> Sometimes I think women can get a little carried away with all of this, to the point of making who comes feel they owe them something..... I never want my guests to feel this way, all I want is them to have a good time with each other , make memories, nothing more do I expect, *this is MY reward * I do consider Hostessing a gift of mine ... being Thankful I have family.... I would not even be offended if others went somewhere else, maybe if they all did - I might think WTF ....but we'd just have a bunch of friends over later for a night or 2 and have lots of left overs. I always feel the best when the day is over cause now I won't have to cook for days ! Love it !
> 
> ...


. 

We're just hitting kid party stage with my older - little guy just turned 1 - so still few more years.

Thanks for other perspective.
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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> .
> 
> We're just hitting kid party stage with my older - little guy just turned 1 - so still few more years.
> 
> Thanks for other perspective.


And I appreciate that I did not offend you. I will try to explain a little of why I feel as I do.... When I was just a kid, I remember going to my Mom's side of the family for Holidays and overhearing some of my aunts complaining about gift giving, they would get upset that other relatives bought for them , even sending cards for goodness sakes, they then felt "obligated" to send a card back, give a gift back . 

I suppose that is a nice gesture, but it is not from the heart, so what is it really worth? 

Just stuff like that, I FELT something sour about it all, to me - it was simply assinine...If you like these people & want to give , then give, if you don't have the money, the time, the desire ....don't !! I remember jumping in on these conversations just to argue with them. ... This is just not what it is about. 


And My Grandma , she would OUT DO herself to please everyone -- the best homemake cooking, her best dishes, the house spotless -then she'd get all stressed out and sometimes leave in the middle of the Big Day. See, her heart was not into doing all she did ... I don't know, I guess she felt she had too. It was very distressing accually, I got to the point- I just didn't like this side of the family too darn much, Food was fantastic, presents abundant but the attitudes were sour (some of the time -not all). 

I had better holiday memories with my friends families ....

...... Their house might not have been as immaculate, the food might even be a little burnt, the cookies crumbly, the kids causing chaos, they might have little money , their tree may even look like a Charly Brown Christmas tree - but damn ....they had *the spirit*, alot of laughter, everyone is welcome, never knew who may show up -- It is just an Attitude..... and it is catchy !! 

Then later in life through my Mothers drunken husband , all of people, I saw displays of generosity to the lowliest of men without not even a pin needle of expectation in return , It was very very very touching, the man had the gift of Hospitality like none I have ever witnessed in my life. 

Ya know, for us all.... we should do what we can do - in all things we set our hands too --do it all with Heart & soul. Gift giving should never be done because someone expects.... there are times people are out of work, there are times people are clueless what to buy, their choices a lousy match- like what were they thinking !! IN all of this, give them GRACE. We don't know everyones financial situation either. 

Even me, I have 6 kids... just them attending their friends birthday parties can make me go broke! And of course I wouldn't let them go without a gift but it is going to be approx $10 or something I snagged on sale -Unless it is their best friends -then we go beyond this. It would hurt me if I felt others complained about my kids generosity, ya know. 

As for me, I don't care about gifts at all , I like to get my own stuff. But I am always mindful that others DO care, I do enjoy making people happy, giving them something special, I probably give away more blown up Photos I have taken in personalized frames, putting them into Christmas globes, oraments, anything unique like that- it brings it back to the memories shared /laughter/ the good times and that is where MY heart is at. 

Let us DO - simply because we enjoy "the doing" -and this will show, you will shine.... try to let the rest fall off, whether that is hostessing or gift giving. And then we are truly never disappointed in what comes back our way, we accually get more just for bringing smiles to their faces. .... And if someone never thanks us, or shares an appreciation of the things we KNOW we have done well, then this says something about them- they have not learned the meaning of thankfulness.... yet in life. 

My oldest organized a Christmas caroling group, He printed out the song lists, picked everyone up & they walked around town , houses, nursing homes & sang thier little hearts out yesterday- it make them happy to bring smiles to the faces of strangers & surprise many they knew -plus our family at the end. One pizza shop gave them all pepperoni rolls for free, they wasn't expecting it- but that made it all the more sweet. 


Your son is very young, it is such a gift itself to have a child. I have always looked at my kids as my gifts. It was an honor to throw those parties, as if I would be so sad if I didn't have that those little bundles of joy to hostess these big bashes that I go hog wild doing ! 

I am so uncaring about gifts for myself - When they leave the nest, they will probably never buy me anything cause I always told them THEY are my gifts ! I might kick myself for this later in life.

Have a Merry Christmas ....


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> And I appreciate that I did not offend you. I will try to explain a little of why I feel as I do.... When I was just a kid, I remember going to my Mom's side of the family for Holidays and overhearing some of my aunts complaining about gift giving, they would get upset that other relatives bought for them , even sending cards for goodness sakes, they then felt "obligated" to send a card back, give a gift back .
> 
> I suppose that is a nice gesture, but it is not from the heart, so what is it really worth?
> 
> ...


I do get your point. I just threw the gift out there as an example. It was meant more as example of their thoughtlessness as opposed to anything else. 
I have a lot of thinking to do.
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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> It was meant more as example of their thoughtlessness as opposed to anything else.


I understand what you are saying, I surely don't think everyone is thoughtful. Not enough people are , not enough write thank you notes, and show appreciation through Kind acts.


But really, what can any of us do about these things, when we have family members like this ?? If they are not our kids, it is too late to teach them. I mean, unless we say something to them....I don't feel the average person will be able to articulate this in a manner it will be received without offending. 

I guess I feel all we can do is ...be that "example" ourselves, whether that is worth anything to them or not - the fact remains, we can't change anyone else, just ourselves. 

I guess it would come down to *personal boundaries *in the future-and how we allow ourselves to be treated or our kids to be treated by others. If you feel it is hurting them, then by all means - choose an action plan. If someone continually does things that you feel is disrespectful, and it really gets under your skin, I can think of only 3 ways to handle this .....

1) say something to them, let them know you are hurt and disappointed. Only you can choose when this would be wise or unwise, given the circumstances. 
2) Try to see the importance of the issue in a new light -that helps us cope with it - so when we do see them, we are not "faking" how we feel -just to keep the peace. 

or 

3) Take steps to cut them out of our life. 

It IS an interesting and very touchy subject... I can sympathize with you in it . I've been hurt too by others who I felt didn't appreciate "enough" of what I did for them, they seemed to take it for granted. This has not happened to me often thankfully, but It has. I'm not going to say that does not sting . It is wonderful to get compliments, and be shown to be important in someone's life....This is life giving ....

.... But when it is over & that compliment didn't get said , a Thank you note not received in the mail, or through a text, FB message, and I am tempted to feel unappreciated, unloved & taken for Granted .......I simply WON'T let it take away from what I did, ya know. If I feel I have done a good thing, screw them if they took it for granted. But sure, for the next time, I just might spend my time, $$ & generosity on another who is more thankful , knows the meaning of "give and take" in a healthy relationship. This would make sense. 

Kinda like having friends -if you want to make them, you have to show yourself friendly.

I don't get upset over $1 gifts though, but I DO get upset over other things (we are all different after all ) , like a GF who expects me to come to all of her parties -her kids B days - Halloween parties -then she & her boys never finds it convenient to show up at mine!! Well , it got to the point that I was bi**hing too much about it every time she didn't show up to my other friends -so I vowed, that's it ! I am done, the next time she invites us, we are not going -after all my whole family WAS the party.... she was upset, asked me why, I didn't spare how I felt . It was good that she acknowledged she has been giving me a Bum deal for a long long time in comparison to my being there for her & her family. 

See I either had to let that go and keep my mouth shut while resentment stirred in me or set a new boundary, so that is what I did ! This friend basically lost all of her friends cause she was like this, I was the last one hanging on -cause I DO try to overlook others faults, but for ME, it was her not sharing in MY Happy times , that ticked me off, cause that is something important to me--what friendship is all about.

If you have *Gifts *as one of your primary Love languages and *Words of Affirmation*, I would guess these things would bother you more so-than what they may bother someone like me. Though words of Affirmation is #3 on my list out of 5. 


Relationships are tricky, they are infact fragile. This is very very important to you I see. 

Would enjoy hearing how you resolve how you are feeling in regards to these family members - what course of action you may take in dealing with it all. 

Sorry for my "Book" replies.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I understand what you are saying, I surely don't think everyone is thoughtful. Not enough people are , not enough write thank you notes, and show appreciation through Kind acts.
> 
> 
> But really, what can any of us do about these things, when we have family members like this ?? If they are not our kids, it is too late to teach them. I mean, unless we say something to them....I don't feel the average person will be able to articulate this in a manner it will be received without offending.
> ...


It helps me think. I am not a gifts person per se. A $1 toy that my son would enjoy or a card with a note for baby book - it doesn't matter. I found the insult was a dog chew toy. I not saying it to be rude or make a point that it was sucky, I mean it was a dog toy. 
When I invite, by RSVP, I don't mean formal cards etc. I mean I have been told that they would see what other invites come their way and let me know. I don't hear a word and a better invite must not have happened and they show up and eat.
I had one sister arrive from out of town (comes every 4 years) and when I invited group to house for visit, I was told she was tired from her travels. Understandable. I find out next day they all gathered at my brothers. 3 other people and didn't think to call me.
My sister will send an email about her sick dog and oh the sympathies fly. My son needing surgery doesn't get a reply.
Maybe they just don't like me. But don't go out of your way to let me know you're leaving me out. It has to be intentional.
When they do include me, and I choose not to attend, they're relentless in trying to change my mind.
My brothers are more ok but they get caught up with the oldest sister and she's the pitbull.
My brother simply said: I didn't mean it that way. 
And that's all I needed from him. I didn't need attention or drama, just a step back.
The one slight is nothing and should be ignored. It's the whole history that's got my Grinch up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> It helps me think. I am not a gifts person per se. A $1 toy that my son would enjoy or a card with a note for baby book - it doesn't matter. I found the insult was a dog chew toy. I not saying it to be rude or make a point that it was sucky, I mean it was a dog toy.
> When I invite, by RSVP, I don't mean formal cards etc. I mean I have been told that they would see what other invites come their way and let me know. I don't hear a word and a better invite must not have happened and they show up and eat.
> I had one sister arrive from out of town (comes every 4 years) and when I invited group to house for visit, I was told she was tired from her travels. Understandable. I find out next day they all gathered at my brothers. 3 other people and didn't think to call me.
> My sister will send an email about her sick dog and oh the sympathies fly. My son needing surgery doesn't get a reply.
> ...


You know I noticed you said a Dog toy but I didn't really THink you accually meant a DOG TOY ? I would have loved to seen how you responded to opening that ? I mean seriously I would have at least said "come on now, explain this to me, you think my baby is a Rover?" No way I would have let a moment like that pass, I would have had to hear some response to their intent. That would be like getting a lump of coal, if it was a joke though, for a baby- it was idiotic, if they had enough balls to do that at a Baby shower, they would look like mentally challenged fools.

I guess this is where a nebby critical mouth relative MIL or SIL may come in handy - and say something to them like "What the H is wrong with you! You don't buy a gift like that for a newborn- you are embarrassing yourselves". 
. 
It sounds to me like your family is not the type to honor their word, they ignore the RSVP anyway- not telling you, then showing up- so that is not working....or they completely leave you hanging . I can see WHY this would be very very stressful .... and it hurts. I wouldn't like it either, what you are describing here. I wouldn't like it at all. 

What about friends? Can you have friends fill your Holidays -it sounds like it is a long history of difficulties here with your siblings - with leaving you out, not answering emials , while they get preferential treatment by others. 

Just cause it is traditional to see "family" on holidays, who cares...Make your own Tradition.... see friends, if they make your life more enjoyable , invite them. And if the family stragglers want to show up, they can, but if not, you won't be missing them either, as you will have others to fullfill your holiday cheer.

You know we can't pick our family- many of them are screwed up, there's a couple on my Mom's side I wouldn't care if I ever seen . One is too darn religious & tries to correct everyone's thoughts & the other is too spirited & likes to spout her opinion even if it maddens that sister. These 2 end up battling it out -I don't feel like being a referee -they both are at extremes - I don't even like them, they think I am "cold " and I don't care about "the family"...and accually, they are right ! They annoy me, I see no point in seeing them at all. Why stress ourselves, they have other people in their life, and so do I, so we do what we enjoy, and live our own lives. 

Hang with people who uplift you, who don't drag you down, who appreciate you, it helps if they keep their word , who at least TRY to encourage us. Do you go to church- usually there are some people in church who are lonely on the holidays, invite them to your house sometime . Just a thought. There are so many decent lonely poeple in this world that could use a friend. Good friends can be better than family, who says blood is thicker than water. For many of us -that is just not true at all.

Tell me about your friends Golfer Girl - do you plan to see any of them over the holidays ? This could be a great stress reliever with all of this going on. I hope.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> You know I noticed you said a Dog toy but I didn't really THink you accually meant a DOG TOY ? I would have loved to seen how you responded to opening that ? I mean seriously I would have at least said "come on now, explain this to me, you think my baby is a Rover?" No way I would have let a moment like that pass, I would have had to hear some response to their intent. That would be like getting a lump of coal, if it was a joke though, for a baby- it was idiotic, if they had enough balls to do that at a Baby shower, they would look like mentally challenged fools.
> 
> I guess this is where a nebby critical mouth relative MIL or SIL may come in handy - and say something to them like "What the H is wrong with you! You don't buy a gift like that for a newborn- you are embarrassing yourselves".
> .
> ...


I have great friends. A core group of us still hang together from high school. We did our yearly cookie exchange yesterday. I have great teenage children and my daughter's boyfriend has an awesome family. They have children around the age of our little ones (grandkids, nieces, nephews etc.) and are very welcoming.
Our plans tomorrow is to have a spread of appetizers and it's a come and go throughout the day.
I have a cousin I'm very close to and we have done our own boxing day thing for past few years.
My life is full without them. They only have each other except for my brother and his new girlfriend and her family. My other brother is quiet and will visit but not fond of the large scale celebrations. He has been on receiving end of pressure to attend the camping trips etc.
It's a weird family dynamic. I understand the comraderie but almost at the exclusion of all others including spouses.
Sometimes I feel like I've grown up and have a family and they still just have each other only.
I don't need a drama-filled exit - just a slow distancing.
About the chew toy, I didn't notice til after. When baby got it, we were like WTF - weird stuffed toy whatever. I found it in the Petsmart flier the next day.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> It's a weird family dynamic. I understand the comraderie but almost at the exclusion of all others including spouses.


 I guess every family is different, I don't know. If you think this behavior is over the top, don't flow with it, as we grow & our families grow with us, some things change, ya know. You did say your olders sisters had no kids, they don't understand this yet. 

If my family even thought they was going to invite me and exclude my husband , I'd tell them to take a hike. As my boys get gf's, they are like part of our family until they break up... no exclusions, that makes others feel unwelcome, I wouldn't like that and I wouldn't do that to anyone else who enters my house. 

I guess this is why Holidays are so darn stressful, odd crap like this, but even so much worse than any examples we can come up with. 

My husband works for the RR, already in the past week, a man and a woman in nearby towns stood in front of a train to end it all. This is typical this time of year. How unfortunate the holidays bring with it so much grief.


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Our family tradition was Christmas Eve at my mom's house. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters. My mom passed away in 2007 and that year and next we hosted everyone including cousins who lost their parents that year. This year my brother has a new girlfriend who invited everyone to her place Christmas Eve this year. The emails are flying back and forth thanking brother's gf for making us a family again. Like WTF. I mean gracious of her to host but is what I did just crap? I'm I over-sensitive? Would you say something?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


This is why I despise the holidays. My wife feels that she just HAS to go see her mother and sister in another city for the seasons. Then she has to stress out about the gifts . Then somebody always gets insulted at their place. It's ridiculous. 

This drives my brother and law and me nuts. W don't give a crap. My brother in law and I made a pact of "no gifts". Then me and he would take everyone out to Portillo's for Italian Beef and Beer. Well, the females wanted none of this. Ifs just not proper they said to go out to some bar instead of eating at home. And the females wanted to exchange gifts. 
So we did. 

Why do the females have to make for the season so stressful for everyone? I really don't get it. Most men could can less if e have thanksgiving dinner at someones house. Carry out Pizza is fine for this for my tastes. But NO, the females have a cow. 

I don't care about gifts. But the females freeak out over not having dinner and not passing a long gifts.
But he females always get so stressed about it. 

Heres' the deal ladies> I don't need any gifts. The ones i get you will be wrong and you will hate them anyway. lets go to a cheap restaurant and eat and get it done..


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I Know said:


> This is why I despise the holidays. My wife feels that she just HAS to go see her mother and sister in another city for the seasons. Then she has to stress out about the gifts . Then somebody always gets insulted at their place. It's ridiculous.
> 
> This drives my brother and law and me nuts. W don't give a crap. My brother in law and I made a pact of "no gifts". Then me and he would take everyone out to Portillo's for Italian Beef and Beer. Well, the females wanted none of this. Ifs just not proper they said to go out to some bar instead of eating at home. And the females wanted to exchange gifts.
> So we did.
> ...


YOu have obviously not met my husband.

This evening for Christmas Eve we had our normal finger food type feast while decorating the tree. He drove me nuts telling me how to make the scallops.... how to wrap the bacon around them, how much Old Bay to put on them, etc etc. Then he fussed over the brie... with shaved almonds, and raspberries then he baked it.

Now for Christmas tomorrow he’s doing a leg of lamb with mint rub and all sorts of things he won’t even tell me about.

But like you, he does not do presents. I very happy if he gets me anything at all. There have been Christmases when he has not gotten anything at all.. along with many birthdays, Valentine days, etc. But he never has a problem telling me exactly what he wants for his xmas and birthday… ha!! I quit getting him anything until he started remembering me on those days.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> YOu have obviously not met my husband.
> 
> This evening for Christmas Eve we had our normal finger food type feast while decorating the tree. He drove me nuts telling me how to make the scallops.... how to wrap the bacon around them, how much Old Bay to put on them, etc etc. Then he fussed over the brie... with shaved almonds, and raspberries then he baked it.
> 
> ...


My husband had a horrible childhood so traditional Christmas festivities just make him feel bad. That's when we decided to make the day our own. No turkey and stuffing, but stuffed mushrooms, crab dip, pinwheel rolls and a whole slew of finger foods to feast on during the day. House open for whomever needs a break from tradition and a hot coffee or cold beer to greet them. We stay in pj's and watch Netflix and play games and spend a whole day doing a whole lot of nothing.
We started it the year we got our big screen and just kept rolling with it.
Next year I think we're going to a mountain cabin or a hot beach.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> My husband had a horrible childhood so traditional Christmas festivities just make him feel bad. That's when we decided to make the day our own. No turkey and stuffing, but stuffed mushrooms, crab dip, pinwheel rolls and a whole slew of finger foods to feast on during the day. House open for whomever needs a break from tradition and a hot coffee or cold beer to greet them. We stay in pj's and watch Netflix and play games and spend a whole day doing a whole lot of nothing.
> We started it the year we got our big screen and just kept rolling with it.
> Next year I think we're going to a mountain cabin or a hot beach.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Of course do what works for you. Sounds like great ways to spend the day!!


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## I Know (Dec 14, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> House open for whomever needs a break from tradition and a hot coffee or cold beer to greet them. We stay in pj's and watch Netflix and play games and spend a whole day doing a whole lot of nothing.
> We started it the year we got our big screen and just kept rolling with it.
> Next year I think we're going to a mountain cabin or a hot beach.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Now that's the way to do it!!


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

FINAL UPDATE:
I opted to not go to my brothers. I'm at the tail end of a flu and he's leaving on overseas vacation tomorrow and didn't want to pass this on. He and I are good.
My husband tried to say something to my sister. I saw the emails after the fact. He was gentle and respectful saying not a big deal but I took something she said wrong and was a little miffed. Said not a big deal, he just wanted her to know. Well my sister went all pitbull on him basically saying that because he feels ****ty about himself he doesn't have to unload on her. She also said she was sick of my hypersensitive ways. So in essence, my sensitive feelings are making her sensitive and if I just learned to stifle it, we'd all be fine. New Year's resolution, distance myself from people who make me feel like crap about myself.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

golfergirl said:


> She also said she was sick of my hypersensitive ways. So in essence, my sensitive feelings are making her sensitive and if I just learned to stifle it, we'd all be fine. New Year's resolution, distance myself from people who make me feel like crap about myself.



That was sooooo over the top, Good for you Golfergirl, I would SURELY absolutely 100% do the same !


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