# Am i handling this seperation correctly



## hereiam (Dec 9, 2011)

My W and I have been married for five years with a six year old daughter. My W had drug problems and ended up in jail. She has been clean now for 2 years. 3 months after she got out I told her we should be separated. I started seeing my daughters pre school teacher. It was a big mistake on my part that I know realize. 3 months later I asked her if we could get back together. It has been a year and a half. We have had some ups and downs during that time. 7 weeks ago she said we weren't working and she was tired of trying. She didn't want a divorce. She would just wait and see what happens. I got on xanex and for a month we really couldn't be around each other without having big discussions and hurt feelings, lot of pleading on my part. 3 weeks ago we had a really bad discussion and it ended with us set to divorce. Later that night we talked and decided against divorce for now. I got off the xanex talked to a friends mom who is married 40 years now. She talked to my W and came back and told me she didn't think it was over and just to change my approach to working on myself and trying to just be nice to her and supportive. The last three weeks we have gotten along better than we have in a long time and we have spent 2 or 3 nights a week laying on the couch together cuddling and watching movies. I have not brought up the separation in the past 3 weeks. She has a few times. She has told me that she is not looking to date anyone else. She said that she is working on not running from her feelings toward me and trying to accept that they are still there. She said the last few weeks have been so nice that she is starting to get a little hopeful and that scares her, but also said that she wasn't sure if she is being closer to me because she wants to be with more or just because she is lonely. We do not live together now and share custody. Her truck broke down and we have been sharing a car. I will have her truck back up this week. I realized that I wasn't really trying that hard to improve our marriage after I left her initially. I was not trying to improve anything. I was just sitting there blaming her in my mind and not doing anything myself. I know it is the initial separation and my lack of work plus her own issues that brought us here. These past three weeks I have totally changed my attitude to think that this is just an opportunity to better myself and work on building an even better marriage. She has really seemed to react to that. I have been reading a lot on this forum about no contact. Is that something I should think about in my situation, or should I just stay the course?


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