# Question Regarding Wife and relationship



## rahuliyer4977 (Aug 13, 2021)

I (45 yo M) have a wonderful wife (45 yo F). We have been married 18 years, together for 21 years We are totally faithful and monogamous with each other. No infidelity here. We were both virgins when we marry each other. We have a wonderful relationship. We trust each other. We have a warm, loving, and close relationship. She is my friend, my mate, my lover, my wife, my partner, many things. Honesty is the bedrock of our relationship.. our flaw is that both of us are maybe too honest (lousy poker players as you can see it on our faces). 

We have had our ups and downs. Mainly medical related. We could not have children, due to me issues. I have hypothyroidism, clinically low testosterone (not normal aging), and a cholesterol issue. I probably had all of this since my early 20s, as it does explain a lot. Low T and hypothyroidism only were diagnosed in my 40s. I do have weight issues, and am doing something about it. A lot of this did contribute to my premature infertility, and ED. Luckily most is now managed and mitigated, through my medications. 

With my health better managed now, my libido has increased. My wife is happy, as we are intimate much more often now. We have gotten closer. 

My concern is with all of my body now acting more normal for a gent my age, I now am having thoughts that scare me. They center around managing my increased libido. I don't want to cheat on my wife (never have cheated). However, I am finding myself noticing other women more. Of course I suppress it, and remain professional. How can I manage this (a more healthy libido)? 

Heck, I even find my younger SIL more attractive then before, but I keep it platonic (helps that she is physically on other side of the world). 

I have always found my wife very sexy and attractive. She also madly loves me. 

How do I not mess this up? Given my "new" healthier libido? I am doing everything as far as self discipline and control, but I fear I am going to do something stupid (like infidelity). I have voiced my concern to my wife, and am seeing a counselor, with the idea of trying to develop more strategies. Any other ideas are appreciated. 

I have not done anything stupid yet, unless you call honesty stupid! I want to keep it that way. I don't want to mess this up. 

Not when My parents are divorced, and my SIL, wife's sister that turned my head, is also divorced. I don't want my wife and I messed up like this!!

Thoughts appreciated.. thanks.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Develop and maintain proper marital boundaries. Look up and read about it.
Zero one on one contact. No messaging or phone calls, etc. if you don’t walk on the edge you can’t fall off.


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

If necessary, go to a therapist who will help you learn to be the man you need to be. You aren't the only one out there with a healthy libido, and they know how to deal with it.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

How has your SIL turned your head if she is on the other side of the world? Could you elaborate more on this please, for clarity?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

As another poster said, strong marital boundaries are your friend. And, for the love of god, do *NOT *tell your wife that you're attracted to her sister.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

frusdil said:


> As another poster said, strong marital boundaries are your friend. And, for the love of god, do *NOT *tell your wife that you're attracted to her sister.


I suspect there’s something online happening with the SIL. Given he’s mentioned her twice, and mentioned there’s a physical distance but she’s turning his head. We’ll hear more soon.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

frusdil said:


> As another poster said, strong marital boundaries are your friend. And, for the love of god, do *NOT *tell your wife that you're attracted to her sister.


it sounds like he already has. Almost sounds like he’s in some sort of exhibitionist phase, having a need to spill whatever he’s thinking, and possibly finding it titillating doing so. He could end up in a very bad reinforcement loop here.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

He's probably just referring to looking at her social media pictures more often


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> it sounds like he already has. Almost sounds like he’s in some sort of exhibitionist phase, having a need to spill whatever he’s thinking, and possibly finding it titillating doing so. He could end up in a very bad reinforcement loop here.


Or, the wife already suspected something and knows, and he’s here because he’s in trouble. Thus the introductory gushing about how much he loves his wife being the first part of the story, followed by the ‘but’.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Men finding women attractive and having desires is normal, natural and healthy. It’s how we are wired. 

I don’t think a married, overweight dude with Low T and hypothyroidism is going to have all that much trouble to not have sex and I don’t think he’s going to have much trouble staying out of his SIL’s Jay-Jay. 

As just an average guy who’s not overweight, normal T levels and no health conditions, I have never had any problems with too many women jumping into my bed. 

My SIL is also an attractive lady with her own set of charms and never once have I been unable to keep her clothes on and keep her from having sex with me. 

I think the op will be just fine and won’t have to worry about his SIL or any of these other women taking it from him.


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## Baby Fark McGee-Zax (Aug 14, 2021)

You're preemptively building the framework for adultery with an excuse you can blame and think will absolve you (medical issues) because you just flat out want to cheat. I have hypothyroidism and sex hormone imbalances too, and not once have my synthroid and birth control pills made me lose self control. Please don't insult the intelligence of the members in this forum, because we see what's going on here. I have a feeling you've already started something with SIL too. Just stop all this nonsense OP.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

rahuliyer4977 said:


> I (45 yo M) have a wonderful wife (45 yo F). We have been married 18 years, together for 21 years We are totally faithful and monogamous with each other. No infidelity here. We were both virgins when we marry each other. We have a wonderful relationship. We trust each other. We have a warm, loving, and close relationship. She is my friend, my mate, my lover, my wife, my partner, many things. Honesty is the bedrock of our relationship.. our flaw is that both of us are maybe too honest (lousy poker players as you can see it on our faces).
> 
> We have had our ups and downs. Mainly medical related. We could not have children, due to me issues. I have hypothyroidism, clinically low testosterone (not normal aging), and a cholesterol issue. I probably had all of this since my early 20s, as it does explain a lot. Low T and hypothyroidism only were diagnosed in my 40s. I do have weight issues, and am doing something about it. A lot of this did contribute to my premature infertility, and ED. Luckily most is now managed and mitigated, through my medications.
> 
> ...


first off what makes you think the SIL would have you , she knows you as a safe guy and not a guy that is holding wishes for her , 
you say so many nice things about your wife and then there is the but , 
she stayed with you when you were not well and now it is thank you madam good bye


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

There is no need for you to have any contact with your SIL, so stop it now.


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