# The 3 issues/arguments that always cause fighting in marriage/living with someone



## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

in no particular order...

1. Food
2. Sleep
3. Money

When people can't pay there bills, don't eat when they are hungry (because they forget to pack snacks and lunches to whereever they are going), and don't get 8-9 hours of sleep per night...THAT'S when there are problems!

I think the first two happen because people are stupid. They don't know about proper nutrition and eating every two hours, and they stay up late watching TV and feel like **** when they have to wake up for work. And they stay up late on weekends, which messes up their sleep schedule for the rest of the week.

Thoughts?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

4. Sex


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

:iagree:

5. TV Remote Controls


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

6. Kids
7. In-laws


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## IamNotHere (Jun 9, 2009)

michzz said:


> 4. Sex


What would a typical argument about sex be?


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## TNgirl232 (Oct 5, 2008)

4. Sex - Not enough of it, not exciting, same old-same old, difference in sex drives, etc. etc.


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## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

DEFINITELY remote control....
(kidding  )
I think sex is HUGE.
Sex is sometimes just sex, and sometimes it's about intimacy, feeling connected, or hey - just getting some 
Imbalances in any of those area tend to lead to huge conflict in almost any relationship, and are very common.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

I don't think food and sleep are "issues" (although they can be). They are pre-conditions for a decent relationship--lack of sleep, for example, leaves people cranky, etc. 

They can become issues--she wants sleep ('cause she never gets enough) and he wants sex ('cause he never gets enough). Whoever "loses" will be resentful. Yes, you can have good sex and still be mad that your sleep was shortened or disrupted.


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## ldybth (Nov 16, 2009)

I think hunger and sleep deprecation can be factored into an equation, but not really sources for fighting.

Sometimes lack of sleep is due to underlying marital stress, as can eating disorders (both binging and purging)

I think most fight occur because couples lack the proper tools to communicate their feelings adequately. IMHO


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## what2donow (Feb 19, 2010)

I would put money, sex, kids as the 3 before I'd have sleep and/or food in there but maybe that's just my household.


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## artieb (Nov 11, 2009)

I've been reading here for a few months, and here's my sense of how this goes.

Money isn't something you fight about if you have enough, where "enough" may vary. If your tastes are really expensive, a six-figure income may have people fighting with each other, when most people could be quite comfortable on a six-figure income. If all the bills get paid, there's enough left to save some and splurge a little, then money's not usually an issue. Most likely solutions for this one are (a) set a budget and stick to it, (b) get training for a better job, (c) get a job if don't have one. (C) is hardest to arrange; you didn't make it a down economy, and you can't fix it yourself.

Kids don't cause fights, disagreements about how to handle kids cause fights. If the kid doesn't do his homework, and you both agree that the solution is "No computer or TV until the homework is done every day", then no fight. It's when one parent wants such a rule and the other parent doesn't want a rule that things get fussy. Not sure about a solution if parenting philosophies are really different, but one method might be to read some parenting books together and see if middle ground can be found on the pages.

Sleep and food are like money. If you get enough, no problem. If you are regularly shortchanged on sleep, or you're regularly hungry, you can get mighty irritable and it's much more likely you'll have a fight over anything or nothing. There are lots of sites about sleep problems, and hungry seems most likely to go with "lost job". I don't have any easy answers for those.

The most common complaints about sex seem to be (1) not enough, (2) too vanilla, and (3) spouse did it with somebody else. (I'm not sure about the ordering.) (1) is like sleep, food, and money: it's only a problem if you don't have enough. These are best handled with honesty and good humor between both partners.

Though I confess that (3) would be a complete deal-breaker for me, and though I love my wife more than anything else I wouldn't stay with her if she cheated on me. The pain of the breakup would be awful, but I think the alternative would be dying by inches. Being married to somebody I didn't trust anymore, getting suspicious and paranoid every time I left the house, or she did, always wondering if there were other affairs I didn't know about (or if there was going to be one). By the end of a year, I wouldn't be myself anymore. The pain of a breakup would go away eventually, and the scar tissue might heal. But staying married in that situation would be to live through my soul shriveling up into a blackened husk of mistrust. I couldn't do that, and my wife wouldn't want to be married to the person I'd become anyway.

Fortunately, that's never been an issue.


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