# the journey continues



## downhillspiral (Jan 17, 2014)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/159497-starting-journey.html

Above is the first part. This seems to be going so fast, I just found out about stuff on Tuesday. After her staying in a hotel with OM (she says separate beds) she came home today after work. We had a long discussion in which I expressed my desires for a separation. She says that sucks but agrees that it is probably for the best. 

So, separation board. What's the next step. I told her we need to go to the bank to set up separate accounts so her money goes to her and mine goes to me. We will hopefully be able to transfer the vehicle she drives over to that account as well. She wants to be very amicable about things, she doesn't want the cats, or the house. I guess I need to setup an appointment with a lawyer, but I don't want that to cost me an arm and a leg. 

I am concerned with her mental state, if I hadn't hidden the keys I think she would have tried to drive tonight. I don't think it is a self-harm thing, just an irrational, reckless behavior type thing because she was trying to run away from the situation. I am wondering what do I need to do to protect myself if she decides to be an idiot and gets a DUI or kills someone. She keeps saying she is going to start therapy, but she doesn't see the point in it b/c years ago she saw 2 psychologists, the first one referred her to the second one and the second one tried to refer her to a third so she gave up. 

I deeply care for her and her well-being, I just cannot see myself staying with this woman.


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## downhillspiral (Jan 17, 2014)

Woke up in a panic. I am going to lose so much, after giving so much to her for so long. I just read stories about court systems and predatory lawyers that are all about screwing over the husband regardless of the situation. Or twisting words to make it sound like I was the bad guy. 

Do we really have to get a lawyer involved? Can we just print out the forms and file them? If she isn't wanting to take a bunch of stuff does the state even allow that? Or are we required to split things close to equal? I wish I wasn't so financially strapped right now. I can't go on meds for it b/c my work does not allow them unless I take a 30-60 day short term disability claim. Which would reduce my pay to 66% and cause so much more stress. If I could get her out of the house, get a roommate, and then maybe look into meds that would work. 

I feel so alone and scared, I hate feeling this way. I am confused. Maybe we weren't as bad as she is saying we were, maybe I am just being irrational. I hate this. I need sleep.

sorry for the ramble.:loser:


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## jack.c (Sep 7, 2013)

you need to start doing and stop asking!
Separate your money, talk to a lawyer and start the paperwork for D. 
STOP WORRING ABOUT HER, AND THINK TO REBUILD YOUR LIFE!
...... FAST!!!!


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## downhillspiral (Jan 17, 2014)

Oh god, I'm so numb right now. I still have no idea what is going on in my head. They have had sex 3 times that she admits to. Twice in our house. Once Christmas Eve, the other on New Year's Day while I was at work. And once in the hotel room, which was unprotected.

I had to find out that they had sex more than once and that the hotel night was unprotected from the OMW. We talked for about 45 mins tonight. All the while OM and WS were txting back and forth. I guess I am just in denial so bad from this. It is like my brain ignores everything that has happened. I know what I should do. I know what I need to do. I just can't bring myself to do it. I can't even feel anger right now.

So.. How much do attorneys normally cost? I want to file, but I feel like I can't abandon her like that because I have cared about her for so long. She will have no where to go. She can't afford to support herself in the area that we live in on her income. Does this mean that I'm gonna be on the hook for maintenance even though she cheated? Is there a separated time requirement in VA for adultery? Can you still do a divorce for adultery without going to court? Live in VA.

I know she doesn't deserve that kind of respect from me, but I can't help but feel that way.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Time to focus on yourself. Get your own legal counsel. It may cost several thousands - mine did - but don't move forward without someone with some objectivity helping you look out for your interests.


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