# Confused



## Brokenup (Jul 8, 2015)

Ok so here's my story. My husband and I have been married for 8 years and together for 15. By no means has it been perfect but we always seem to brush off the problems someway somehow. There has never been any other major issues other than the normal financial/ stress about job and kids issues. Lately (I would say for about 6 months) he has been disconnected from me and the kids. I thought he was dealing with the stress of getting a new job and the fact the job has a long commute. He has also had weight issues and other health related problems. Well just the other day on the 2nd or 3rd of July he became really irritable for no reason and wasn't speaking to me. On the afternoon of the 4th of July he was leaving for work and didn't even say bye. He works nights so I don't see him until around 7 am. The next day I hadn't heard from him so I texted him to see when he would be home and he explained that "He wasn't coming home today". I was shocked and asked why. His response was this "I wanted to tell you this in person and I'm sorry but I'm not happy and yes there is someone else. " I was in complete shock and didn't know what to say. Tried calling back numerous times and he didn't call me back until later that afternoon. He had slept in his car, near his job so he could think. He then tells me he's sorry but it's just not going to work. He then tells me about the other girl and said he's basically emotionally attached to her and that he can't stop his feelings and he doesn't have any feelings for me. He agreed to got to counseling but keeps saying "it's just not going anywhere" Needless to say I'm scared, lost , hurt and confused. Please help!


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

what a shock Brokenup. Hopefully you have family or close friends you can call on for support. You need some space and time to think through your options so having someone just to listen can help. Be careful of making critical decisions when in an emotional state.

With kids involved both you and your husband need to think of their welfare though it may be that your husband is in such an emotional state he isn't thinking straight and you may be the only adult in the family right now.

Focus on some immediate needs. How are your finances? Make sure you have resources so you and the kids can be ok on basics for as long as possible. With this sudden and surprising action by him no telling what he might do with joint bank accounts or jointly held credit cards. Getting some breathing room for basics - shelter, food - can give you some time to focus on the personal issues with your husband.

so sorry for you.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Ask a moderator to move this thread over to Coping With Infidelity.

I think you will get more helpful advice on how to deal with your husband.

First things though, make sure you are financially secure. Grab half the money and put it in a separate account. Put funds away for a lawyer in case you have to file for divorce.

Find out who the other woman is and expose the affair to your H's friends and family and hers. If she is a co-worker, there are pros and cons to exposing at work that need to be thoroughly considered before choosing that option.

Start reading up on the 180 and executing it.

Four Things to do Today to Save Your Marriage | AFFAIRCARE

The Healing Heart: The 180

Would you take him back?


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