# Should I get a lawyer?



## MattOly94 (Nov 20, 2021)

I will try to make this as short as possible. My STBXW seperated a little over 6 months ago, going through divorce process now. The first few months were pretty bad between us, always fighting and just being bitter. But we have since moved on and get a long fine now. We have an almost 2 year old daughter together. I try to talk to her as little as possible because I simply just dont want to. She gets aggressive when she doesnt like what she hears and its her way or the highway, so unless its something important or urgent about our daughter I ignore her. Anyways to start the divorce process someone had to get a lawyer so she did, she already had one she used for her first divorce. There was no financial ties to my ex wife, I owned the house by myself no cars or credit cards together etc. So everything is about our daughter. As long as I agree with everything and its fair, I would not get a lawyer. My first court date is in 2 weeks where I will be presented with everything such as custody and decision making. I have not seen anything on paper yet, just what my ex wife has told me. Anyways yesterday it got brought up about the decision making. She will be the final decision maker for everything such as school and medical and so on. Whie my opinion will be considered, she will make the decision. That has me really concerned. Im going to get 50/50 custody no question and neither one of us can move more than 50 miles away unless approved by the orher. Thats it that is whats going to be on paper. Is there anything else important that I am missing that I should bring up? Should I get a lawyer? I just want to get this done as soon as I can and im afraid getting a lawyer will make it go longer and could make it turn ugly but I also want to be treated fairly and do whats best for my daughter. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thank you


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You’re a freaking fool if you don’t get an attorney. If you give your ex wife decision making ability on expenses, she can do damn near anything to cost you thousands and you have no say whatsoever. Yes, you terribly need an attorney and you should have the wording in the document read you are responsible for half of expenses in health care and dental and extracurricular activities that you both agree to. Otherwise she could put her in whatever activities she wants such as 50,000 a year equestrian lessons and you’re stick with a 25k bill. Just an example.


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## TurnedTurtle (May 15, 2019)

You should definitely get a lawyer, Matt. For example, on the question of decision-making, decisions about what, exactly?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

Yes you should get a lawyer, even if it’s just to read through the agreement for your best interest (not hers).

The typical wording regarding decision making for a custody document calls for JOINT decision making… not her making the final decision. I strongly recommend you change that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Get a lawyer but ask around for a good fair and decent one.


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## thunderchad (12 mo ago)

You should definitely get a lawyer. The default is joint legal custody (decision making). No one parent is 'in charge' or has the final say.

Also keep in mind custody is different than placement.

There are tons of things that go into a parenting agreement. Religion, school, holidays, variable expenses, health care, etc.

You for sure need a lawyer or you are going to get bent over. I can see it already.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Jesus, dude... are you that much of a fool or what? you need to lawyer up if you know what's good for you. 

I just can't comprehend what's going on with today's men; so weak, so beta, so uneducated and inexperienced with the way the world really works. It's just tragic. No wonder why women have the upper hand and in control of everything these days. Today it's men the ones crying, wringing hands, begging. Six months of separation and OP never even tried to seek divorce, it was left to the soon to be Ex to do it, this tells you a lot about the OP. Not to rain on the parede but he's just now asking if he should get a lawyer, Really?


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

MattOly94 said:


> I will try to make this as short as possible. My STBXW seperated a little over 6 months ago, going through divorce process now. The first few months were pretty bad between us, always fighting and just being bitter. But we have since moved on and get a long fine now. We have an almost 2 year old daughter together. I try to talk to her as little as possible because I simply just dont want to. She gets aggressive when she doesnt like what she hears and its her way or the highway, so unless its something important or urgent about our daughter I ignore her. Anyways to start the divorce process someone had to get a lawyer so she did, she already had one she used for her first divorce. There was no financial ties to my ex wife, I owned the house by myself no cars or credit cards together etc. So everything is about our daughter. As long as I agree with everything and its fair, I would not get a lawyer. My first court date is in 2 weeks where I will be presented with everything such as custody and decision making. I have not seen anything on paper yet, just what my ex wife has told me. Anyways yesterday it got brought up about the decision making. She will be the final decision maker for everything such as school and medical and so on. Whie my opinion will be considered, she will make the decision. That has me really concerned. Im going to get 50/50 custody no question and neither one of us can move more than 50 miles away unless approved by the orher. Thats it that is whats going to be on paper. Is there anything else important that I am missing that I should bring up? Should I get a lawyer? I just want to get this done as soon as I can and im afraid getting a lawyer will make it go longer and could make it turn ugly but I also want to be treated fairly and do whats best for my daughter. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thank you


she has an attorney and you don't ? You have a young kid ?? You are going to get your arse handed to you.

Lawyer up. You are running out of time.

Her lawyer works for her, not you.

I don't believe what I am hearing here. Good God man. Think


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

She’s been divorced once so she’ll definitely use that knowledge against you.
Wake up!!!


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## Burning Star 🌟 (11 mo ago)

MattOly94 said:


> I will try to make this as short as possible. My STBXW seperated a little over 6 months ago, going through divorce process now. The first few months were pretty bad between us, always fighting and just being bitter. But we have since moved on and get a long fine now. We have an almost 2 year old daughter together. I try to talk to her as little as possible because I simply just dont want to. She gets aggressive when she doesnt like what she hears and its her way or the highway, so unless its something important or urgent about our daughter I ignore her. Anyways to start the divorce process someone had to get a lawyer so she did, she already had one she used for her first divorce. There was no financial ties to my ex wife, I owned the house by myself no cars or credit cards together etc. So everything is about our daughter. As long as I agree with everything and its fair, I would not get a lawyer. My first court date is in 2 weeks where I will be presented with everything such as custody and decision making. I have not seen anything on paper yet, just what my ex wife has told me. Anyways yesterday it got brought up about the decision making. She will be the final decision maker for everything such as school and medical and so on. Whie my opinion will be considered, she will make the decision. That has me really concerned. Im going to get 50/50 custody no question and neither one of us can move more than 50 miles away unless approved by the orher. Thats it that is whats going to be on paper. Is there anything else important that I am missing that I should bring up? Should I get a lawyer? I just want to get this done as soon as I can and im afraid getting a lawyer will make it go longer and could make it turn ugly but I also want to be treated fairly and do whats best for my daughter. Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thank you


Please get a lawyer. The regret of possibly wasting money is no where near the regret of not getting an attorney. Divorce is a war. Even if you don't think she would do XYZ .. her attorney is feeding her information and ideas and it can get very ugly very quickly. Please get an attorney.


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## Mystic Moon (6 mo ago)

With a young child involved, get alawyer to secure your visitation, and custody (even if shared) rights.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Marc878 said:


> She’s been divorced once so she’ll definitely use that knowledge against you.
> Wake up!!!


A s she's using the same lawyer. That's a sign ol bud.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

This was a sort of zombie thread someone revived.

I'm sure that court date happened many many months ago.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

understand that her lawyer is not looking out for your best interest they are looking out for your wife's best interest so ABSOLUTELY you need someone in your corner because you will get screwed. 
Is alimony involved at all?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)




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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

As the OP is still active on the site, we'll leave this for a while.

@MattOly94 How is it going?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Anyone who represents themselves in a courtroom has a fool for a client.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Hire an attorney. You would be a fool to go to court without seeing the documents first.

And if custody is 50/50, all decisions should be joint. If you don’t agree, you go to mediation. What if she wants to give your child the clot shot and you don’t? Or your child gets cancer and you disagree on treatment. You would have ZERO say in the health of your child.


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## TooOld (Nov 22, 2020)

He has been divorced since March 2022 so presumably he figured out his legal needs.


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