# How often do you fight?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just curious really, with your spouse?
Around once every month? every week? every year?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Yeah I was thinking that really, there are minor "fights", then there are the major "fights". I'm meaning the fights where it gets the point where you two can't talk for days/weeks/a month/etc.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

Pandakiss said:


> you must define "fighting". its either everyday or once or twice a year.
> 
> we dissagree everyday. we are two strong willed leos, nothing else matters but the battle of the moment.
> 
> ...


You guys also make love dramatically 70 times a day like lions?


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## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Yeah I was thinking that really, there are minor "fights", then there are the major "fights". I'm meaning the fights where it gets the point where you two can't talk for days/weeks/a month/etc.


If that's the kind of "fight" you mean, then never. Ever. Thank you GOD.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

We never actually fought. I'd snipe at him (one short comment) about twice a week in the last few years of the marriage--had tried everything before then to improve things in our relationship before that.


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## MsLonely (Sep 23, 2010)

We have been very peaceful for 2 years.

After I joined this forum, everyday I would try to communicate with my husband. So now we have more opinions to exchange & disagree with each other.

We don't fight though because as soon he gets upset and speaks louder, I cry.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ARGH... I was hoping to hear that the missus and I's fights are "normal" and nothing to worry about... but meh, doesn't look that way lol!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> ARGH... I was hoping to hear that the missus and I's fights are "normal" and nothing to worry about... but meh, doesn't look that way lol!


:rofl:

It is not normal, dude!

I can't even remember when I was upset with him. Our time together is peaceful and lovely, it feels nice to have this kind of peace and content!

My husband would always try to calm me down if I got upset with him over doing something and reason with me, he won't let anger pass the night. We can't stay angry with each other, Satan might tempt us away if we give each other silent treatment.


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## gbrad (Jul 20, 2010)

I try and avoid fights as often as possible. If I actually voiced my opinions more it would probably cause a few more arguments. But then I have to deal with her emotional response, and don't feel like taking the time and energy to do that.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

gbrad said:


> I try and avoid fights as often as possible. If I actually voiced my opinions more it would probably cause a few more arguments. But then I have to deal with her emotional response, and don't feel like taking the time and energy to do that.


Putting up with her doesn't help your situation. It is not healthy for you, you are not happy. 

You have to speak out your discomfort and disappointment, you have to let her know what she is doing or not doing is making you unhappy. 

Do you know that you are being a nice guy here? Being a nice guy makes her a happy woman, but you are not a happy man. When you are tired of being a nice man, you want to check out, it is going to make her a miserable woman. 

Fighting and speaking out disappointment is two different thing!


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Real fights with yelling and cursing maybe once every couple of years! We get along pretty flawlessly because we both sacrifice for each others wants, dreams, and desires.

I think the last one was about a car in 2007.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> Fighting and speaking out disappointment is two different thing!


It is? It normally starts off with some 'speaking' then it gradually gets into 'fighting' and then when it gets horrible enough it gets into 'silent treatment' and then until one of us submits and makes up or we don't talk for ages and give each other "the look" when walking past and I end up being kicked outta my own bedroom which I don't mind since my sofa bed is more comfy anyways (get backaches in our bed)...

But I don't know after the STs it seems we both tend to be more reasonable for some reason, maybe things aren't so bad? I don't know...


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> It is? It normally starts off with some 'speaking' then it gradually gets into 'fighting' and then when it gets horrible enough it gets into 'silent treatment' and then until one of us submits and makes up or we don't talk for ages and give each other "the look" when walking past and I end up being kicked outta my own bedroom which I don't mind since my sofa bed is more comfy anyways (get backaches in our bed)...
> 
> But I don't know after the STs it seems we both tend to be more reasonable for some reason, maybe things aren't so bad? I don't know...


:rofl::rofl::rofl:

You have a great sense of humor. It is something important for a man to have. Your posts make me smile a lot. 

You have only been married for two years! Here both of you haven't mastered the skill of showing discomfort yet. It takes time to learn that art. It takes a much longer time to find out what we like and what we don't like. I was the same for the first couple of years, fighting a lot. 

When we let our spouses know what we don't like about what they are doing, we don't need to raise voice, we don't need to pursue the topic, just tell him or her that I don't like it. He or she has to respect our wish. Of course we have to be the same, when they are expressing their frustration, we have to examine ourselves and see if there is something we can do to make the situation better. Humble attitude is important. When they show their frustration, we don't need to feel offended and start defending us right away, just think what they said makes sense or not. If they have to show frustration, it means what we are doing is bothering them. Both sides should know it and practice it!


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

My husband and I have been together for seven years, now I know what he likes me to do and what he doesn't like me to do, I just do want he likes and don't do what he doesn't like. 

I know what kind of person he is, I am not surprised when he disagrees with me, I don't get offensive, I just listen to him.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Heh looks like we have many years to go to reach that level of understanding, at least we're starting somewhere now after the last fight. Ne ways I gotta jet, its my bday party


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