# When your parents cheat



## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Anyone's parents cheat on each other? Mine didn't, but my husband's father is a terrible cheater, cheated on my mother-in-law many, MANY times over their 35 year marriage. She put up with it but, according to H, is very hurt by it and very jealous as a result (maybe started that way).

The fact that H's father is a cheater is one of the first things I learned about him when we first met, and it always colored how I saw my FIL. (I like him, but I don't have a great deal of respect for him.) I kind of assume he doesn't cheat on her anymore but that could be wishful thinking on my part. I find cheaters so reprehensible.

Do you think that a man whose father cheats is more likely to cheat on his own wife? Or less likely? Or no relation? 

My H's watch was a gift from one of his father's lovers to his father, but his father can't wear it because he's married to MIL, so he gave it to H who wears it. So odd. But it's a nice watch, I guess.

H and I have talked about infidelity a fair amount and I think H's opinion on his father's behavior is that his father has psychological problems, takes antidepressants, and is very immature / kind of an adult child. He's said more than once that his father is "a fantastic dad and a horrible husband." 

We've only been married a short time and so far haven't had any infidelity issues but I am jealous by nature and I find myself thinking about the fact that his father was a cheater and wondering if it's genetic and if I need to be "on guard" more than usual. 

Kind of rambly... sorry... just looking to start a conversation on the issue of spouses whose parents were cheaters.

(Not in CWI because it's not about infidelity in our relationship.)


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Personally I don't think because a parent cheats it sets up a child to do so. What I do think is that whatever demons the parent had that made them cheat, the child may be predisposed to suffer those same demons. Does that mean they'll cheat? Nope, but if they do fight personal issues inside themselves like the parent it probably raises the likely hood. 

Example - I learned at age 34 that my father cheated. I had no idea other than a vague suspicion I pieced together as an adult. It did explain a few incidents in my childhood but it didn't impact my childhood at all, my parents are still married today. When my father told me it was a 5 minute conversation and that's it. At the age of 38 I had a two month EA. My father's cheating had nothing to do with it, but I fight self esteem problems that are a large part of what made me susceptible to an affair, my father fights self esteem as well. So his failure is not responsible for mine, but I fell victim to the same thing he did.


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

In my family my dad has cheated on my mom many times and I have seen the hurt that it causes, and i also told myself that I would never stay with a cheater but now here I am sticking it out after discovery about my H's EA. H's biological father is a serial cheater that used to brag about his exploits to my H when he was a teenager everything from prostitutes to dating sites to special massages and he even groped a woman in front of H. So does this mean my H is more capable of cheating? While I would love to say no the only thing I can say for sure is I don't know. H saw his EA as just a "secret friendship" and swore it would never have turned into a PA now would I sit back and let the EA continue so he can prove himself? There is no way in hell I would even let him try. I think it's more based on the individual.
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## chattycathy (Aug 19, 2011)

No relation.
My Dad's dad was a cheater.
My Dad never did (he died last year with 58 years of loyalty to my mom)
His bro DID cheat on his wife and all wives after (married a few times).

I have seen similar in families. Some sons of cheaters have been true and some have cheated.


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

My father cheated on my mother alot.. I am not sure my mom ever cheated on my dad while they were together.

I remember staying the weekends with my dad and the other woman, once my mom kicked him out. (it was always an ongoing thing)


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

My dad's parents (my paternal grandparents) cheated on each other constantly. In the end they stayed married, lived appart and kept up their cheating. By dad cheated quite a bit on my mom, though I did not find out about it until well after his death.

Of my 4 sisters and I have never cheated on our spouses. Only1 of my 3 brothers cheated. He stopped when his wife found out and did not cheat for the 9 years after that.


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## ishe? (Apr 1, 2011)

My parents had a terrible marriage with various episodes of cheating on both parts, but mainly my mother as I can remember. I can remember at least two occasions in my childhood being taken to live with her OM at the time. I do remember my father cheating as well but that was later. They finally divorced when I was 19 and even now 11 years later aren't on speaking terms. Both have struggled in new relationships, trust issues, and they are both currently single.

Interestingly my brother uses this as an excuse for his cheating (he is 28 and all his relationships have failed because of his repeated infidelity) I am the opposite and have always said I would NEVER cheat and NEVER stay with a cheater! 

I'm eight days post d day with my partner of ten years and am so far hanging in there and trying to rescue my family 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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