# Need a women's opinion



## joejoe34 (Aug 2, 2011)

Wife kicked me out of the house... Early this year, I had an emotional (not sexual) relationship with a stripper. It lasted about 3 months, I ended the affair before getting caught.

About a month ago (prior to get caught) we decided to go to a marriage therapist. My wife knew something was wrong and talked the therapist in to making me give full disclosure on phones bills, etc. Long story short, she found the calls and thinks that I'm the biggest Ahole in the world (which is true). 

I realize that I made the biggest mistake of my life, and still love my wife. What could I possibly say or do to get her back / re-earn her trust? Any help would be appreciated.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Nothing. There's nothing you can do. If you "try" to do anything she'll think you're not sincere. If you don't do anything, she'll think you don't care.

For me, I don't know how I'd get that trust back. It would be nice to see my husband squirm for a long while...but not go anywhere...stay with me, but don't push me to forgive or trust. That will (or won't) come in time.

This is your bed   Now it's up to her to make it. Patience. Let her go through her own emotions, thoughts, etc. It's about her now. 

You can earn trust by being trustworthy. Don't break dates, events, don't forget to call, run to the store, yardwork, etc. In other words, become a man of your word and let her see that. It will take a while...but could be worth it.


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## Rafaelinan (Jul 31, 2011)

Hey, I know you're seeking for a woman's opinion, however, I've been in the same **** so I know how it feels. What I can give us an advice is just stick with her, let her go through her days and don't plead for trust. Exert all possible efforts to win her back without mentioning "trust" as it's the most sensitive word at this time. There are things worth the wait and patience is really a virtue. Good luck!


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Are you maintaining your transparent communications? How about starting individual counseling to address the issues that drove you to an emotional affair with a stripper? Or why you were talking to strippers in the first place... In short, start fixing you for your own sake, so you don't drag this bagage with you to your next relationship. Whether that relationship is with your wife or someone else isn't the point... The point is to address your issues.

C


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

PBear said:


> Are you maintaining your transparent communications? How about starting individual counseling to address the issues that drove you to an emotional affair with a stripper? Or why you were talking to strippers in the first place... In short, start fixing you for your own sake, so you don't drag this bagage with you to your next relationship. Whether that relationship is with your wife or someone else isn't the point... The point is to address your issues.


Transparentcy in all things - humility in how you F'd up, but also the WHY'S that led you where you ended up, be real before her. Show her your heart, she may refuse it , but what else do you have at this point. If you have a sex addiction, take steps to find & join a group for support, she may count that to your benefit. 

So what are the why's , SHare here. What was lacking at home?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

joejoe34 said:


> What could I possibly say or do to get her back / re-earn her trust? Any help would be appreciated.


Ask your wife DIRECTLY what you can do to earn her trust back, what you can do to make her trust you, what you can do to restore/repair your marriage--if she'll have you.

Get counselling for yourself (and as a couple, if she wants to), be transparent and be honest with her about how you feel.

Absolutely ZERO contact with the stripper. Delete her from your phone, block her emails, no talking to her on FB.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

Talk is cheap when it comes to these things. Your wife doesn't want you to "say" anything. She wants you to DO things to earn her trust back. Seeing a therapist to deal with the issues that led you to cheat (yes, what you did was cheating) is an important thing you can do to show her you recognize you have a problem and will do what you need to do to change.

I hope you know that having an EA with a stripper is about your own feelings of inadequacy. You were trying to fill a void in a way that was unhealthy, ineffective, and destructive to your marriage. You really do have to face up to that, and to the tremendous hurt you have caused your wife. It is possible to save your marriage, but you have to be 100% accountable for your actions.


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## ItHappenedToMe (Aug 5, 2011)

An EA with a stripper? How's that? Did she have a heart of gold? 

What you are lacking is integrity. With integrity will come trust. Be a man of your word, like the others have said.


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