# I Can't Take It Anymore. Help Please!



## unlovedunfulfilled (Mar 18, 2013)

I have been married almost 11 years. I am African American and my husband is from India. First off, he only married me to remain in the U.S. Even after knowing this, we stayed married, had children, etc. We are not compatible. He has physically abused me in the past, as well as emotional and verbal abuse as well as mental. Because of my health, and him over the years having isolated me so that I have no friends except online and my family lives 10 hours drive away, he does whatever he wants. Still, I have tried to make it work and make it have some resemblance to normalcy for the kids' sake cause they love their dad, but I can't do this by myself. I just can't take it anymore. Since we've been married, all he has done is take from me, and demand yet more. Then acts like I have contributed nothing all these years. There were times he'd go 6 months without touching me. I am so starved for affection sometimes, and companionship, but because of my health, I am unable to meet anyone, and because I am sick most of the time, I don't even have the 'get up and go' to get up and go. When I married, all I wanted was to love and be loved, have more children, be happy, grow old together. He lies to me constantly. Has stayed out all night on me repeatedly. I've never done that to him. He swears he isn't cheating, but I don't believe him. In fact, while I'm typing this right now, he still isn't home, and he's been gone for over 5 hours. When he said he was in the Taco John's drive thru, supposedly picking up food for me and the kids, he hanged up his cell phone in my face, but before that, had made some excuse about his cell phone not being charged. He has done many things to me over the years, and has the nerve to get mad when I don't trust him. 

I want out of this marriage. I don't want him no more. I'm so fed up. I can't take this anymore. I don't deserve this, in my condition. He doesn't deserve to have a wife or to be a father. He is a selfish, immature son of a *****! and I honestly hate him. 

Let me not leave out this part: he is in online college, and guess who he expects to type up all his school essays. Yep. Me.  Just a few days ago, I completed BOTH of his final projects and one final quiz of his. Since he did this tonight, I really just want to email the school and tell them who has been typing up most of his papers these 3 years! He is on the Dean's List because of ME! He isn't doing the work. And now he has the nerve to insult my intelligence and tell me he isn't out cheating??? Screw him! I want him to come get his **** and get the **** out of this house! I never want to see him again.


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## unlovedunfulfilled (Mar 18, 2013)

Also, he has only 1 job presently, and he is supposed to be at it in the next 5 hours. The only thing I can think of is that he sneaked clothes out of this house to take to his *****'s house. Do I have proof? no. Why else will a man leave home all these hours and not even care if his family eats or not? yeah exactly. the bastard!


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## brightlight (Feb 18, 2013)

What do you need before you leave him? Solid proof of an affair?

You can get that no problem. You will have to be a bit sneaky but you can do it. 

Don't confront him about it or he will try harder to cover his tracks. Check his phone, check the computer, track the car, you can do all these things without him knowing. Be smart.

You have to get solid proof before you can confront him.

But then what? You have to plan what you are going to do afterwards. If you tell him you are going to leave he may call your bluff and tell you to go. Can you do it?

Or he may change tactic and start to cry and plead with you to stay "for the children" if nothing else. If he is the nasty guy you say he is then he is fully capable of emotional blackmail.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

I'm sorry you have to deal with what in my opinion is a snake of a human being. Any man whom beats his wife and tortures her mentally needs his FN [email protected]@ kicked. 

GO BUY A GUN!
Don't wait do it tomorrow! Level the situation, protect you and your kids.

Get proof!
If what you say is true, destroy him. Absolutely devastate to him in any way. If he threatens you call the police. Confront him and tell him to get out. If you need to Threaten him w/ police, do so. But then be ready, it gets deadly or perceived so. Key word PRECEIVED defend yourself. This just pissed me off! God, help you, prayers sent!


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

Don't forget Domestic violence in front of the kids=child abuse in lots of states.


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

I'm against the advice of arming yourself even though it must be tempting for you to shoot the man. Anger can make you do stupid things. Install a keylogger on his computer. What kind of phone does he have? Buy a couple of voice activated recorders and put one under his car seat. and keep one on you. You say he abused you? is the physical abuse ongoing or was it in the past? I understand that you've built up a lot of resentment for your husband but you say the kids love him. Is he a good father?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Having written all of that I urge you to read it over and over again. And then think what you would tell a family member who was in that situation.

Then do it.


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## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

Is your sickness due to a diagnosed medical condition or is it due to depression caused by this arrogant SOB?

Do you drive? Do you have access to the money (start stashing some...even if its extra money on the grocery bill (cash back). If you divorce him will he lose his citizenship? 

I would put a VAR under his car seat (granted you are able to get to the store to buy one without him knowing). Find out if he is cheating and then arrange it to leave when he isnt home. Would your family come and get you if they needed to? He sounds like a complete jerk. You deserve better, and your children deserve a mother that is happy and taken care of!


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## totallyunexpected (Nov 21, 2012)

Dear UnlovedUnfulfilled,

I don't know how to begin. What a horrible human being your husband is! I am so angry and sad at the same time. You need to get out of this situation.

In my opinion, whether he is cheating or not - it doesn't really matter at this point. Whether he cheated or not, he has continually made you miserable, abused you physically and mentally, and taken advantage of you for 11 years! What is the point of searching for more evidence when it is already clear how horrible he is. 

You are stronger than most. And more patient! However, I think it is unfair to your wellbeing AND your kids' to live in such a toxic environment. 

Seriously, he is so horrible. You need out. Talk to a lawyer - to find out the best way to get out of this dangerous relationship and to keep your kids safe. Also, I think you REALLY need to see a counselor that has experience with domestic abuse. You have stayed in a horrible horrible situation for too long. You deserve to LIVE and be FREE and HAPPY.

Wishing the best for you and for you to be strong and to take care of yourself! He is manipulating you. Don't stay in this situation - please.


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

totallyunexpected said:


> Dear UnlovedUnfulfilled,
> 
> I don't know how to begin. What a horrible human being your husband is! I am so angry and sad at the same time. You need to get out of this situation.
> 
> ...


My thoughts exactly. You are an abused wife. Infidelity is beside the point. You know what you have to do; so I will reaffirm it for you. *GET OUT*. 

Break your co-dependency. Look for local resources to help you if you need them. A better life awaits you away from him.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Get rid of this abusive pasasite.

Start making a plan. Practical steps. NOW.


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## CleanJerkSnatch (Jul 18, 2012)

unlovedunfulfilled said:


> First off, he only married me to remain in the U.S. Even after knowing this, we stayed married, had children, etc. We are not compatible.



So you married him knowing all of this first hand? If not you still remained married.....

I suggest you start focusing on yourself and detach. Don't help him with his homework, don't babysit for him, don't do his laundry, don't cook for him, don't do anything for him and just focus on yourself and your children. 

When you have a chance file for D.

If he ever asks why, don't even bother answering or arguing with him anymore, he can speak to your lawyer.


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## 01coltcolt (Apr 2, 2013)

CleanJerkSnatch said:


> So you married him knowing all of this first hand? If not you still remained married.....
> 
> I suggest you start focusing on yourself and detach. Don't help him with his homework, don't babysit for him, don't do his laundry, don't cook for him, don't do anything for him and just focus on yourself and your children.
> 
> ...


This is great advice but it got violent before remember. If you do this prepare for war. 

I told you before level the playing ground. A lot of folks cringe at me telling you tis. But you need to buy a gun. its your god given right to protect yourself and children from this animal!


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## BrockLanders (Jul 23, 2012)

unlovedunfulfilled said:


> Also, he has only 1 job presently, and he is supposed to be at it in the next 5 hours. The only thing I can think of is that he sneaked clothes out of this house to take to his *****'s house. Do I have proof? no. Why else will a man leave home all these hours and not even care if his family eats or not? yeah exactly. the bastard!


Does it really matter if he's cheating at this point? You've clearly got plenty of reason to walk.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

unlovedunfulfilled, why you don't believe you deserve better? You do,
You are worth more. Believe it. Go for it.

Plan your exit, think on every possible scenario but Do it.


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