# Just Married and Unhappy....Need help



## ayogago (Sep 18, 2010)

Been with my her for 7 years and just got married. Was very nervous before the wedding to a point where i didnt even want to get married, but was scared to cancel the wedding because all the time/money we put in and didnt want to hurt her. As usualy I thought that was just the pre-wedding "cold-feet" felling you get. I know she loves me very much, but I'am just unhappy with her. For a couple who just married this is very sad situation, and dont know how to bring it to her. She is a very emotional person, but i just cant continue my marriage like this. I dont know...I just don't have that connection with her anymore.

Please need help!


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Well, there is that whole "7 yr itch" thing...maybe that's what you're dealing with here. But instead of the cheating that people usually associate with it, you're feeling unhappy. 

What things used to make you feel that connection with her? Try doing those things again, see if it brings that connection back. Try doing some new things with her, maybe you'll find a new connection.


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## Hausfrau (Sep 18, 2010)

You don't say what, exactly, is making you unhappy. Is there something specific that your wife is doing or not doing? Or is just the big marriage committment that's making you feel claustrophobic and making you want to search for the exit as quickly as you can?

If its the latter, here's my suggestion: in your mind, commit to staying for at least another 3 (4,6, whatever) months, and take leaving off the table. Then do your best to focus on being happy. 

I know from experience that we can sometimes get into this "unhappy" mode, where we ruminate and focus all our energies on unhappiness. Try not to do that. Instead, take atruckersgirl's suggestions and try to rebuild that connection. Treat her the way you used to, act the way you did when you were dating, even if you don't yet feel it inside. I think the term is "fake it until you make it." 

When you've come to the end of your mental deadline, you can reevaluate and see where to go from there. Hopefully, you'll have rediscovered all the things that kept you with your wife for the past 7 years.

Good luck!


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## happilychanged (Sep 22, 2010)

ayogago said:


> Been with my her for 7 years and just got married. Was very nervous before the wedding to a point where i didnt even want to get married, but was scared to cancel the wedding because all the time/money we put in and didnt want to hurt her. As usualy I thought that was just the pre-wedding "cold-feet" felling you get. I know she loves me very much, but I'am just unhappy with her. For a couple who just married this is very sad situation, and dont know how to bring it to her. She is a very emotional person, but i just cant continue my marriage like this. I dont know...I just don't have that connection with her anymore.
> 
> Please need help!


I agree, you dont really mention WHAT makes you unhappy about being with her-which makes me THINK (i cant really know for sure) that you are may just be in a funk. Whether thats due to a "7 year itch", or something else in your life doesnt matter. Getting out of the funk and having a happy marriage and happy wife DOES matter. Try to look at other things in your life-your self esteem, your job, your friends, etc and see if maybe other things are upsetting you. Work on those before assuming its your wife. You did stay with her for 7 years (and marry her) for a reason, so try not to just throw that out the window. Marriage HAS its down/unhappy periods, whether something big is going on or not, and part of marriage is getting through them. My husband and I used to have this problem-or rather, *I* had the problem. We ended up using this> Save Marriage | Save My Marriage Today
It worked wonders for us and we are still going strong after what could have easily ended out relationship. Whatever you decide to do, i wish you the best of luck


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## LuckyCharmH (Jan 4, 2010)

dude you been with her 7 freaking years and you just found out your unhappy and made a mistake. 
you know, you are just a careless person and you will never find happiness because you don't know what you are looking for.


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## Liv30 (Sep 22, 2010)

Hi. Please disregard what LuckyCharmH had to say....he is clearly a person who doesn't live in the real world!!!

I totally agree with some of the other suggestions that have been made though. What I suggest you should do is to have a really good think about what exactly is making you feel unhappy.
If you can determine exactly what that is then you stand a much better chance of finding a solution, and if you choose to speak to your wife about it then she is likely to be more open and receptive to the conversation if you can be clear and specific rather then just telling her that you are unhappy.

It may be of comfort to you to know that when I got married (we had been together for 5 years) I completely freaked out for the first couple of months because I felt like I had lost my identity. Things did get better but I spoke to my husband about it and that in itself helped me because I then didn't have to struggle on with those feelings alone.
Good luck and I hope you find happiness again.


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## Derekcolns (Sep 17, 2010)

Don't be confused, because this confusion can make your life go worse. She loves you and she is with you for 7 yrs don't just make her go for your confused mind. May its only the nervousness you are filling because of the recent wedding.


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