# So confused...



## Olive2088 (Feb 5, 2013)

I have been married for 20 years. The last 7-8 have been sexless. Like maybe 20 times in the past 8 years. Once in the past 16 months and that was the other night.
I started noticing my H's lack of interest about 8 years ago. I would go out with a friend for a couple of drinks and when I would get home, my youngest child would be in the bed and I would ask him to move him but instead he would just move himself and leave the baby in our bed. Then the few times I would make an advance, he was unable to 'perform' My frustration level was goling through the roof at this point but I just let it fester instead of talking about it. I know that was wrong but we were never good communicators. Anyway, time went on and I finally talked to him, asked him to go to a Dr and if there was something he wasn't telling me. He swore there wasn't and didn go to the Dr. All levels were normal and he got pills. Used them a few times but then he just stopped and I wouldn't initiate because all I ever got was frustrated and upset.

So, years go by and my self-esteem takes a real nosedive. I got to a point where almost any man I saw, I was wondering if they would have sex with me. I am attractive, dress well and take good care of myself. I tell my H at one point that I am going to get a boyfriend. No reaction. So upsetting. One of his friends hits on me...I mean blatantly..asks me to f&*$. I tell H, not to cause a problem but to get a reaction. I get 'oh, that' just Bob being Bob" Ughhhh

So, after me making threats and him making promises, nothing changes. I have an EA turned sort of PA(no actual sex..just quick kisses and some petting) with a friend of ours who is single and had a major loss in his life. It was a mistake but I really don't feel guilty about it. I hope you can understand that. H doesn't know about it and I will not tell him..it would hurt too many people and no good would come from it. Anyway, I had decided before that to end my marriage but was afraid to take the actual step until this past summer. I finally told H that I couldn't go on like this, I started therapy for myself and we agreed to separate after the holidays. Sooooo, here we are.

H ahas began therapy for himself. Has voiced relief that he is getting help and acknowledges that me forcing the separation is what forced him into action. So, he is leaving next week and I am having second thoughts!! He is a wonderful and kind man. I do think we need to separate but now I am thinking we should get some MC and try to work things out. I am afraid that the no sex thing will remain an issue and I do not want to live like that anymore. Even when we had sex it wasn't great and I want a full and satisfying sexlife.. I deserve that. It just doesn't seem important to him although he claims it is and has initiated a couple of times..once I said no and the other night I agreed but it was awful...my head is just not there. I'm not in love with him anymore. Can that come back?

I'm sorry for the novel, lol. I don't even know what I'm looking for...just maybe someone who has been through this or some insight. Thanks for reading


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