# our 3 year old daughter to say "**** you dad"



## Bronx (Feb 24, 2020)

Its been a year since we separated now. My ex has always been extremely controlling and never wants to hear no kind of person. She is always angry and curses a lot. This has been a problem since day one but i hoped after our daughter is born it would get better. It actually got worse with the excuse of " she dont understand it yet. This was one of the reasons i called our relationship off. She knows i hate it when my daughter hears her screaming breaking things and cursing. Now she actualy starts teaching her to say "**** you daddy, go **** yourself and mother****er" just to get back at me. My daughter just turned 3 and it just kills me when my daughter repeats after her thinking it is just another word she is learning. Somebody help please i dont know what to do.


----------



## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

That’s terrible. 

If you no longer live with her I have no idea how you can control what her mother teaches her when she is there.

I would approach it from a sweet way with your daughter. 

“Oh baby girl. Daddy doesn’t like the word ****. It makes me sad. It hurts my feelings to hear my sweet baby girl say that. Please don’t say that when you are with Daddy. I know you would never want to hurt daddy’s feelings.”

Then use an example she can understand. “Do you remember how sad Elsa was when she hurt Anna? That’s how daddy feels when you hurt me.” (Or whatever characters she is into). 

Not sure if these ideas will work as I have never been through this personally, but that is the approach I would take to start.


----------



## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with what @Spicy said. 

In addition teach your daughter that the rules are different in your home. Those words are consider mean/nasty words. Tell her if she talks like that, it will make people not want to be around her. So, in your home, you do not allow the use of mean/nasty words. 

You might want to set a reward a while. For example each day she does not say the word, put 50 cents in a jar for her. Every time she says one of them, take out 5 cents (or 10 cents). At the end of a month, she can take any money in the jar and spend on something that she wants.

Pick an amount that works for you.

I had a setup like this with my son for doing chores. At about age 6 he realized that the good stuff costs more (he wanted a power ranger character). So he decided to earn his money and save it up so he could buy the things that he wanted.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

If she encourages an innocent child of three to do this, then there will be repercussions when she starts school.

Social Services should be brought in, as it's going to become a problem the longer it goes on.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Bronx If you are using your own name as your user name, you will need to have this changed to protect your anonymity and that of your child.

Please reach out to our site admin @EleGirl who will be able to change your user name.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Bronx said:


> Its been a year since we separated now. My ex has always been extremely controlling and never wants to hear no kind of person. She is always angry and curses a lot. This has been a problem since day one but i hoped after our daughter is born it would get better. It actually got worse with the excuse of " she dont understand it yet. This was one of the reasons i called our relationship off. She knows i hate it when my daughter hears her screaming breaking things and cursing. Now she actualy starts teaching her to say "**** you daddy, go **** yourself and mother****er" just to get back at me. My daughter just turned 3 and it just kills me when my daughter repeats after her thinking it is just another word she is learning. Somebody help please i dont know what to do.


*This type of behavior seriously needs to be brought to the attention of your attorney, who should immediately inform your family court judge! Your daughter can be brought into his chambers and questioned alone. 

No attorney's, parents, or relatives are allowed from either side ~ only the child, the judge, quite often a magistrate judge as a witness, and a court reporter! 

Needless to say that parental custody rights have been known to swing on such deplorable behavior like that! *


----------



## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

Reward good behavior and nice words. Pick a thing she likes to do or to have (nothing too big.) I'm not sure if they understand the value of money at that age, but I know they love little inexpensive toys, stickers, paper, pens, etc. Explain those phrases or words are not nice, and be firm.

Walk away or remove your daughter from games when she uses those words. For example, you are playing and she says **** you get up immediately and say "play time is over, those words are not nice" and start picking up toys or you walk to another room. If you decide to ground her, the grounding time is a minute per year of age, so about 3 minutes for your daughter. The reason for this is they forget the reason why they were grounded after a few minutes. After grounding her you explain why she was removed and got grounded. If you are at the park, leave the park (even if she throws the biggest temper tantrum!) Same if you are at the store.

You have to be consistent, though. Terrible twos and terrible three are hard! They absolutely copy every single bad behavior to get attention. That's why you need to ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. 

Good luck!!


----------

