# Husband TO nice???



## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

Good Morning!
I need some advice on my husband and how “friendly” he is. We have been married for 5 years. Great marriage. He talks to EVERYONE! I know he has an outgoing personality. I get that. But he will talk to strangers walking down our street, all up in their business ect…
Last night he was outside talking to a woman and her two little boys. (we have a festival in town)He said she asked him to explain the lift kit on our truck to them. Then he took them to our garage where we have a few more to show them. To me that’s my personal space. I don’t like strangers being in there. I think he would have done the same if it was a man, but it strikes me odd that he would be so friendly with a female he doesn’t even know. Should I be worried he is looking for validation, or attention? He says he was just showing the kids, but he has chatted up other women to. 

Thanks!


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

I know lots of men that are friendly like how you described your husband. That does not mean they would ever cheat on their wives. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

goodvibesonly74 said:


> Should I be worried he is looking for validation, or attention?


I likely fall into the same category as your husband in that I may talk to someone without realizing that it is making other's around me uncomfortable. I used to be in sales, so my skills at making small talk are very developed as I used to have to do that all the time to build new clients for my employer. Today it is just a habit to be nice to people. 

What I will say is that regardless of your husband's intentions, the other person could have an agenda. I've often had people hit on me, I will be oblivious, and still enjoy making small talk with them. My wife often has to point out to me that someone was probably looking to hook up or something. Afterwards it will freak me out a little as I just never realized that was what was going on...

Hope that helps, 
Badsanta


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## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

Thanks that is helpful. I don't know if "she" had an agenda. I wasn't out there. Could be legit that her kids were asking about the truck.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Your husband seems to be a genuinely good guy and from your description, it seems like he only had the best of intentions. You have nothing to worry about from him. And while it is your collective personal space, a garage isn't really living space in a house. To have someone in there for a short time to look at car parts doesn't seem very intrusive or unreasonable... It's certainly not as big a deal as if he invited a stranger in the kitchen for tea...


The woman on the other hand... A single woman with two kids finds a nice man who is handy and owns his own home? She'll try to sink her desperate, shameless claws into him the first chance she gets. Keep your man happy at night and keep your territory marked!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

This is a unique talent....he knows it.

Most Yackers drive people away....out of ear shot. Him? Getting a women into your garage to talk about long-shaft Shock Absorbers and his [atop] Axle lifting blocks? Uh....wow!

He lives and dies by his silver tongue.

The Mercury in his blood causes his tongue to chatter and slather!

A large bit of Manic, a little bit of Magic evident here....... hear?


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## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

OK WHAT? lol
that made no sense. I don't think he "realizes" it. He doesn't even bat an eye if its a women or man. Actually treats them the same. My issue was that he took them to the garage. I know he would have don't the same if it was a man, and probably talked a lot longer. He was out there about 10 minutes or so. I think he is just every outgoing which makes me feel like he is looking for acceptance elsewhere. He says he is very happy ect...


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So tell him that you would prefer the garage be off limits. TALK to him about it. Tell him how YOU feel, not what HE should do though. Don't accuse or get mad. Just inform him.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

goodvibesonly74 said:


> OK WHAT? lol
> that made no sense.


SunCMars has a 'unique' way of writing. It takes quite a bit of time to get used to it.



goodvibesonly74 said:


> I don't think he "realizes" it. He doesn't even bat an eye if its a women or man. Actually treats them the same. My issue was that he took them to the garage. I know he would have don't the same if it was a man, and probably talked a lot longer. He was out there about 10 minutes or so. I think he is just every outgoing which makes me feel like he is looking for acceptance elsewhere. He says he is very happy ect...


Both of my parents were like this. 

I am like this in many ways. 

Since all he is doing is some talking, I just think he enjoys people and socializing some.

I also do not think that brining them into the garage is all that much of a concern. Had he taken them through your house, showing them his extensive collection of (whatever he might collect) , then there might be a concern.

If he was out all day doing things for other people, like mowing the lawns of all the single ladies in the neighborhood, then I'd think that there was a concern. This is call a KISA (or night in shinning armor), who seeks attention by "saving" women. KISA's also would not do the same for their own wives.


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## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

That makes sense. Thanks! I asked him the other day during a conversation what he would do if he saw a woman being abused. Would he stop? He said he wasn't sure. Depends. So I think if he was a
knight in shining amour he would of said defiantly. I think your right in that he enjoys talking to people. I don't know why this one irritated me so much. Usually I blow it off. I think its because she was alone (with her kids) and he is just so accepting to questions by anyone.


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## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

I have told him how I feel. We talked about it this morning. I told him it was our personal space and that he wasn't this "outgoing" when we met. We were friends first, before we got married and when I would see him out he would barley talk to me. He said he always liked me, but he was in a relationship then. So why NOW that he's married is he so open to other women?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

People change. When I was young I had a very difficult time talking to strangers. At some point that changed and I found that I enjoy talking with people. 






goodvibesonly74 said:


> I have told him how I feel. We talked about it this morning. I told him it was our personal space and that he wasn't this "outgoing" when we met. We were friends first, before we got married and when I would see him out he would barley talk to me. He said he always liked me, but he was in a relationship then. So why NOW that he's married is he so open to other women?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

goodvibesonly74 said:


> OK WHAT? lol
> that made no sense. I don't think he "realizes" it. He doesn't even bat an eye if its a women or man. Actually treats them the same. My issue was that he took them to the garage. I know he would have don't the same if it was a man, and probably talked a lot longer. He was out there about 10 minutes or so. I think he is just every outgoing which makes me feel like he is looking for acceptance elsewhere. He says he is very happy ect...


Truck people and gearheads in general will take any opportunity to talk about their interest and show off their stuff. I wouldn't worry.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

goodvibesonly74 said:


> I have told him how I feel. We talked about it this morning. I told him it was our personal space and that he wasn't this "outgoing" when we met. We were friends first, before we got married and when I would see him out he would barley talk to me. He said he always liked me, but he was in a relationship then. So why NOW that he's married is he so open to other women?


He was probably much more shy when he was younger. And he probably feels much more secure now.

Talking to other women as he did with this women and her children is not being 'open to other women'. You said that he probably would have done the same thing had a man walked up to him and started talking.

So he's not open to other women, he likes to talk to other people.

Are you feeling neglected in your marriage?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I am very outgoing and love to chat with most folks.

My wife is very reserved and private.

Even when I'm not actively engaging others, they seem to approach me. Early in my marriage, I remember my wife getting flustered and saying to me "I can't take you anywhere!"

She got better at tolerating my gregariousness, but she also communicated very well to me that her space is hers. She's also very naturally risk averse, so a stranger in the home would be a major problem for her. Since she was able to effectively communicate her discomfort to me without it being an attack on me, I came to respect that and since we are a couple, I treat our space with the same protective zeal that she treats her space. 

That's not to say I have given up being social, only that I've learned the appropriate balance, and have become sensitive to when the intrusion might upset her (and she's learned to loosen up a bit as well).

It's all about understanding, balance and compromise. To start the process, you need to share your feelings with your husband. Do so without being harsh or without sounding like a victim or anti-social hermit. Hopefully he'll be open enough to truly listen, understand, and meet you in the middle. 


Be aware, though, even if he does meet you in the middle, this behavior is at the core of who he is, and there will still be times he doesn't reel it in as much as you would like. We are who we are and sometimes that slips out. He needs to be aware that there will also be times you are upset by his behavior and he needs to respect that, even if your concern is not entirely rational. 

Book recommendation:
https://www.amazon.com/Four-Temperaments-Practical-Understanding-Yourself/dp/0312315783
It's a quick, easy, and often fun read. It explains four basic personality types. It can be overly simplistic as many people are a bit more complex than the basic four, but many fit neatly. You and your husband seem to be classic cases, so I expect this will be extra helpful for you.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

goodvibesonly74 said:


> Good Morning!
> I need some advice on my husband and how “friendly” he is. We have been married for 5 years. Great marriage. He talks to EVERYONE! I know he has an outgoing personality. I get that. But he will talk to strangers walking down our street, all up in their business ect…
> Last night he was outside talking to a woman and her two little boys. (we have a festival in town)He said she asked him to explain the lift kit on our truck to them. Then he took them to our garage where we have a few more to show them. To me that’s my personal space. I don’t like strangers being in there. I think he would have done the same if it was a man, but it strikes me odd that he would be so friendly with a female he doesn’t even know. *Should I be worried he is looking for validation, or attention? *He says he was just showing the kids, but he has chatted up other women to.
> 
> Thanks!


There are darker possibilities:

he may be passive aggressive. He may like the idea of triangulating you against other people, especially other women. 

I would be very concerned about my husband taking strangers into my garage. The boys could have hurt themselves on any tools left on the floor. The woman could have made up any story she wanted to -- her word against his. 

If the garage is connected to the house, do you always keep the door locked? What else would prevent little boys maybe taught to case joints to go into your home. The UK has always had problems with gypsies and travellers, groups of people who live by pickpocketing and other scams and get their kids involved at a young age.

As desperate as things are becoming in the US, I would not be so carefree with strangers.


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## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

No I am not feeling neglected in our marriage. He came right in after that and was very tentative to me. He always is. Tells me how beautiful I am, how much I mean to him ect...I just worry I will lose him if he notices other women having interest in him.


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## goodvibesonly74 (Jun 15, 2017)

He said he just opened the door so they could look in. I agree, I have a hard time trusting people that want to know my business.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

uhtred said:


> People change. When I was young I had a very difficult time talking to strangers. At some point that changed and I found that I enjoy talking with people.


I am outgoing and will chat with anyone, my father is the same way. I would say that chatting with a stranger about personal business is a bit odd however. My W is an introvert and having to start a conversation with a stranger is the stuff of nightmares for her!!

When I was unhappily married I tended to be a bit reserved around women, especially attractive women. It was always in my mind how much better life would be with someone else or I was jealous of their partner having someone who truly desired them.

Now I am really happily remarried I find it much easier to stand and talk, even attractive women, because there is nothing in the back of my mind telling me that I need to impress them.

If he is outgoing and friendly to people, and you have no suspicions, then let him be so it's way better than having a misery husband. I get your point about going out of view but if you trust him then it shouldn't be an issue. If there's nothing going on then you appearing and just saying Hi will not fluster them one iota.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

goodvibesonly74 said:


> No I am not feeling neglected in our marriage. He came right in after that and was very tentative to me. He always is. Tells me how beautiful I am, how much I mean to him ect...I just worry I will lose him if he notices other women having interest in him.


You are more likely to lose him if the woman he loves does not have an interest in him.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

You could ask him for a little consideration and more self awareness. 

Hmmmm.... If a man complains about his wife in this exact way, her reaction to him is he is too insecure. Could that apply here?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

My hubby is friendly like this, and it is a quaility I love about him. I see nothing wrong with it.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I will talk to anyone about my hobbies. 2 reasons. One , I'm really passionate about my hobbies. and two, I have an emotional need for conversation that is very much unmet in my marriage. Number one I wouldn't worry about. Number two My wife really should worry about.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Mr. Nail said:


> Number two My wife really should worry about.


Why? 
Because any wife should worry about meeting her husband's needs?
or
Because you may actually use this as an impetus to stray?

I know option one may influence option two, but the core question here is -- is this or is this not something that may cause you to go outside of, or dissolve the marriage?


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Why?
> Because any wife should worry about meeting her husband's needs?
> or
> Because you may actually use this as an impetus to stray?
> ...


I want to answer your question and at the same time not let this become a thread jack. @goodvibesonly74 has a situation where her husband spent enough time and enough closeness with another woman to make her feel uncomfortable. He invited her into a space that the wife considered as her own.
Now I'm passionate about my hobbies, and I like / need to talk. From time to time I meet women who are interested in or are active in my hobbies. Talking with them only about the hobby would be innocent enough. Especially if we did it in public with full knowledge of partners. But where the trouble comes in is that I have an unmet emotional need. And any Talking starts to fill that need. That need is the Space that my Wife should consider to be her own. But in being supportive of my hobbies she yields this space to people we don't know all that well. Good Vibes wants to protect her space. Mrs. Nail is not interested in filling my need so she fails to protect her space.

This leaves me feeling rejected, unwanted, and (this is the tricky bit) *permitted* to go outside the marriage to fill this need. Now if I get so used to filling an emotional need outside of marriage, and specifically if I get used to filling an emotional need with one other person. I might start to think that this other person might be better and more interested in filling all of my emotional needs. I know that this is a danger for me because I have been there. I have no idea if this is as big of a problem for Mr. Goodvibesonly. So to answer your question I have some good boundaries, and I have enforced them well enough in the Past that Mrs Nail and I feel ok with this risk.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I have an ex boyfriend who was a lot like this, he would insist on talking to EVERYBODY. Drove me nuts. One, because I am by nature an introvert, and two, he did it because he had this insatiable need to be the center of attention and was a know-it-all. At first I didnt mind it, even admired it a little because I am such an introvert. Over time though, I realized how over the top he could get and it annoyed the crap out of me, sometimes I was literally embarrassed by him, not everyone welcomed his "friendliness." 

I dont think you H realized he crossed a line by allowing them in the garage, so its good that you said something.


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