# Question about Discovery Process



## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I just received discovery request from STBXH. It is funny that they picked my birthday to send it to me, but I was expecting him to do something like this so I was prepared for it.

Anyway, I have a question regarding this. They are asking for all diaries, notes, memorands, journals, relating to division of community property and fault in the break-up of the marriage. Does this means that I have to produce everything I posted on forum relating to my personal feelings of what I am going through as well? What type of documents do I need to produce?


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

While they can ask for diaries etc, I find it hard to believe a judge would actually order it. Your personal feelings whether written or spoken have no bearing on division of property. Your attorney should be able to agrue that they need to narrow the scope of the information they are requesting. You writing in a diary that you want a divorce or you suspect him having an affair is of no value. Your getting divorced you both know that already. 

Why didn't they ask for your work computer and your cellphone at the same time? Notes, memos written, can he even prove any exist? They have no monetary value and if you wrote on a piece of paper your idea of what you might accept as a settlement they certainly aren't entitled to obtain that information. 

I would chat with your attorney regarding exactly what they are chasing. Do you really think your stbx is going to pay an attorney to read say 2 years worth of your diaries looking for something? Do you even write a journal or diary? It sounds like nuisance requests more than actual fact finding.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

I do not have a habit of writing diaries, but I did start writing down everything mean he have done toward me in our marriage. This is to help me during my therapy session. He can call my therapist as witness but I am not going to hand that over to him because it also contains how I feel at the time when he did what he did. I think it is ok not to hand that over because on the list of mean things cheating was not even listed. To me, the harm from cheating was far less than the emotional put downs, manipulations, and his controlling ways; hence why I did not even wrote cheating down. 

At this point in my journey, I am glad the cheating happened because I am able to see how toxic the relationship was to me. I am at a much better stage emotionally. I got my happiness back in my life and is starting to love myself once again.


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## littlejaz (Oct 17, 2013)

You really should discuss this with an attorney because you don't want this issue to hurt you later in the divorce process. My STBXH asked for the same thing and I can't remember what my attorney told me because it was irrelevant because I didn't keep a journal or diary. I just looked back and my attorney asked for the same from him but he did not produce anything and I know that he had some because I had read them.

But this is a legal question for your attorney.


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Do you have an attorney? If so, he will prepare your responses to the discovery requests. He will object to the questions that request information he will say you do not need to produce.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

Yes, I have hired one. I will contact him to see what he think about this.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*From what I understand, if you plan to use information from any diary, log, blog, or any other communication device in your own case, you must turn it over to his side so that they will have unfettered access to it. By the same token, your STBXH must comply as well, playing by the very same evidentiary rules.

In essence, if it is found that you didn't turn it over to them per their request for production, then you cannot make use of it for yourself! Now if their side legally uncovers something that you have not heretofore submitted and they present it to the court, then they can use any portion of that document to deflect any argument you may present against them.


From a layman's point of view, it's basically set up in that way to greatly forestall any possible 11th hour legal surprises by either side!*


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

gigi888 said:


> Yes, I have hired one. I will contact him to see what he think about this.


Send them the link to this place, they'll change their plea to "no contest"


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

I think arbitrator is right. I think he gets to have access to anything you plan to introduce in court to support your case for fault. And he can probably ask for whatever he wants in court, but that doesn't mean you legally must provide it to him.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

They are asking for a lot of information including all any reward program I am in. I have joined a lot so I have no problem with providing them with it, but will my lawyer have to dig through everything I provided. I dont want to provide junk reward program that will increase my divorce cost, but I do not want to not include it and have them state I am hiding something.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

gigi888 said:


> I just received discovery request from STBXH. It is funny that they picked my birthday to send it to me, but I was expecting him to do something like this so I was prepared for it.
> 
> Anyway, I have a question regarding this. They are asking for all diaries, notes, memorands, journals, relating to division of community property and fault in the break-up of the marriage. Does this means that I have to produce everything I posted on forum relating to my personal feelings of what I am going through as well? What type of documents do I need to produce?


Sounds extreme. I always thought discovery was strictly for financial information but if your divorce and subsequent asset distribution will be based on fault then I guess this stuff matters.

You could print it all out and hand it over, or just "forget to add it" to the pile of documents because it didn't strike you as relevant. 

Worst case scenario they somehow find out you've been posting on a forum and they get the judge to order you to produce the stuff. My general feeling is that if it's going to help you, then go ahead and if it could be used against you, then don't be so quick to offer it right up.

Gotta watch it when you ask legal questions to a forum full of anonymous internet strangers who might not have any clue how the law works, especially in your particular jurisdiction.

This would be a good question for your attorney, that's what you're paying them for.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

The rewards programs etc arent a big deal. If you travel a great deal or have a huge amount of points with a company then it could become an issue. 

While his lawyer has asked, this is one of those items that usually once both lawyers actually start to talk to one another he sees a couple of statements that have no real value. No one cares if you have 15 bucks worth of rewards points at company X. The lawyers will just agree to not waste the time on it. If for whatever reason it gets to be a sticking point and it has to go in front of a judge. Most judges look at this kind of stuff, wonder why there time is getting wasted.

Right now your stbx is probably telling his lawyer you have all sorts of assets, this and that so he is following up on what his client says. Once he sees that there isnt much to go after the lawyer usually doesnt waste much more time on it. It also can have its advantages to you. If he is telling his lawyer you have assets hidden or not telling his lawyer the full truth then lawyers usually just want to get a deal done fast because they dont want to go to court with a client they dont believe.


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## gigi888 (Oct 6, 2013)

Honcho - The funny thing about reward program is that he KNOWS i have not done much traveling since we got married. I moved to another department because he does not like it that I was always gone prior to us getting married. I am pretty sure he is asking for it because he knows how many reward program I have signed up for and it will be painful to gather all that information. It really does not bother me to provide all the reward programs I am in but my concern is I dont want to drive up my lawyer fee if my side have to review everything I produce.

Lenzi - The issue here is that initially I was in a lot of pain and he finds joy in hurting me. There is nothing I posted that can be used against me.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Your attorney will spend as much or as little time on it as you tell him. If it were me, I would just gather data for the 5 I actually use. Submit that, give your attorney a one page summary of the total value that he can glance at and be done with it. 

Maybe his lawyer is actually perry mason and with court room dramatics sway the judge for a verdit in his favor by finding out about a long forgotten petco rewards card that has 5 bucks on it. On items like this lawyers just usually dont waste a great deal of time on. 

Either your stbx is being petty and pushing buttons or me may not even know the atty asked for it. Many times its just part of the "form" questions lawyers asks for. Looking for anything he can of value. 

Wait till you get down to furniture, household items. You will be amazed what your stbx will think a used refrigerator is worth.


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