# learning about yourself from your past



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I am learning from my past. Have you ever just sat down, somewhere that was quiet-no TV on, no music playing, in just total silence and thought long and hard about your past relationships? Have you ever asked yourself why do I find myself in the same situation time and time again? I’m not talking about just your marriage but previous boyfriends/girlfriends, business relationships, relationships with family members. How do you behave around these different people? Who can push your buttons and who can’t? Who do you allow to walk all over you and who do you actually stand up to? Why are we one way with one person but a different way with someone else? 

What I have been learning from my past when it comes to relationships is that I am a giant push over. I don’t say no. I don’t stand up for myself. I’m “too easy” and I mean that in a non-sexual way. I also fall too easily for a guy in the hopes that he is the one for me. I have had 5 relationships in my life and with each of them; I behaved and acted the same way. I was very accommodating. I never made any one look at me like I was a prize; instead I was just giving myself away. I was too available. I need to change who I was if I ever hope to have a future relationship with someone who will respect me and treat me well.

You all have been a giant help in helping me to look at things from other perspectives. Before, I never understood why I could not get anyone to love me. Well, it’s not about getting anyone to love me. They must love me freely on their own. Before, I always tried to get them to want me by doing things for them and being there for them. Looking back at the past 20 years of my dating life, I see how all of that has gotten me nothing but heartache.

It’s hard to change from what we are comfortable with, or what we are used to. I stayed in an abusive marriage (non-physical abuse) for 14 years because it was what I was comfortable with. How crazy does that sound? Pretty crazy I bet. No, I wasn’t happy but I was so “comfortable” with it, that I simply believed this was how life was. I thought happiness was meant for someone else, not for me. I’m also learning that happiness comes from us, not anyone else. We make our own happiness; we do not rely on others. For so long, I hoped that somebody would make me happy, when all along it was inside of me.

This is something I constantly tell myself over and over again as I seem to have short term memory loss, lol. I need the reminders or else I tend to fall back into my old way of thinking. I think I’ve come a long way from being a crying, disheveled mess of a crumpled body on the floor to standing up, looking at myself, seeing where I needed to improve and start improving. I’ve taken myself to places I never thought I would ever go-like to college. I’ve found good things about myself; I’ve found things I like about myself, I’ve found self-confidence and my self-esteem is coming back. 

I now have something I have not had in ages-determination. I am determined and motivated to be a better me. I’m making some hard changes in my life. I have set standards for myself and I will not accept anything less.


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## deejov (Sep 24, 2011)

Whoot hoot!
I'm glad to hear you are feeling much stronger!
Happy will look good on you, I bet


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> I’m also learning that happiness comes from us, not anyone else. We make our own happiness; we do not rely on others. For so long, I hoped that somebody would make me happy, when all along it was inside of me.


Very good grasshopper. You've finally opened your eyes to the truth. Now go get me a Philly cheese steak.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Good for you, Apple! It is hard to look at ourselves objectively, and to work on ignoring those voices inside that lead us astray.

Thanks for sharing your story!


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Yeah - I've learned quite a lot about myself in the introspection post my EA - quite a lot indeed. Like you - much of it as a result of people and input here. 

You seem remarkably well adjusted given the little bit I know about what asshat did to you. You know sh!t happens to all of us, my biggest objective when it happens to me is to come out of it better than I went into it in some way. Sounds like you are doing exactly that!!!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> Very good grasshopper. You've finally opened your eyes to the truth. Now go get me a Philly cheese steak.


Ha ha ha yeah Mori, while your getting yourself that Philly cheesesteak, grab me some tissues so I can wipe away my tears of laughter 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Ha ha ha yeah Mori, while your getting yourself that Philly cheesesteak, grab me some tissues so I can wipe away my tears of laughter
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You got it toots. What color?


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