# Newlywed that Feel like i am the only on trying to fix things



## lady66 (Nov 30, 2011)

My husband and i Have been married for just over 2 two years. We dated for 6 years first and had our share of of ups and downs that i know have given us the strength to make it through anything. We are at our absolutely worse right now and I have absolutely no one i can talk to about it and it is taking a huge tole on me. Every time i try and talk to my husband i feel as though he doesn't ever understand what i really am trying to express to him which makes me feel like i just cant explain anything right. When he does something that upsets me, bothers me or makes me mad he makes me feel as though i have no reason to be mad or upset and that it really is my fault. I finally sat him down and tried to talk to him again and asked him why cant he ever just say i am sorry i upset you and let me be upset, when instead he tells me i shouldn't be upset. My best friend went missing in January 2009. She was the person i could talk to about everything and just vent to. Since she went missing i have not had anyone to talk to about my husband and my relationship. So if there is anyone who feels they are going through the same situations or is also having problems and needs someone to vent to I am here to listen. This thread doesn't even cover everything. I didn't want to bombard everyone with all our problems at once! I just feel like we are at the point of either find a way to communicate and fix it or .... not be together anymore. I want to fix things and get back to the fun, loving and happy couple we were for the last 8 years. I just want the man i fell in love with and have been madly in love with for 8 years back and i know he probably feels the same way but i wish he would put the same effort into working this out as i am.


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## Luqaija (Dec 1, 2011)

Lady 66,

I am very sorry about your situation. I feel that I am in a similar "better fix it now" situation with my 1 1/2 year old marriage. If you want to talk about it you can email me on [email protected]. I feel like I have no one to talk to as I moved far far away from my family and friends to be with my husband. He has everyone one around him, friends, family, the town he grew up in .... we are only 5 minutes walk from his parents house. I feel like I cannot give up any more. I even learned a new language to communicate with him and his family better! Now he wants to do everything as if marriage has changed nothing, coming home late and not spending time with me. I feel sad and alone. When I try to talk to him he gets mad and says I am killing him with my complaining. I love him very much and am now 4 months pregnant and am afraid things will only get worse when a baby comes and demands more time. he even wants me to give up my job so that he can still go out with his friends and continue his hobbies. I feel like I am the only one trying to fix things and am afraid i might be wasting my time. We have know each other for 8 years, I lived near him for 3 of them before we married.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Not to go off on a tangent but...you're best friend went missing and since she went missing you have no one to talk to? I dont mean to be harsh but that statement makes you come off as incredibly narcissistic. The way you phrased that makes it sounds like you view people as an object for your happiness.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Blanca, Maybe she just didn't want to bring up the topic about grieving her best friend on this forum and just tried to keep it relevant. Or maybe she has dealt with the best friend issue already, but not the husband issue. I agree that the words sounded de-contextualized and a little insensitive in the original post, but, perhaps the meaning just didn't come across in the text.

However, you do raise an interesting point -- viewing people as objects or functions in a relationship is sometimes a cause of strain and problems. Maybe, in considering the "fix it now" issue, it would be useful to consider what expectations the original poster and her husband have about each other and how they see their roles. It might be a good point at which to begin dialogue.


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