# Sexually conservative wife/GF starts introducing new positions during sex.



## thecw

Say you've been with your God-fearing wife/gf for over 6-7 years and know her well in bed by now. She's always been on the conservative side, kind of just goes with the flow and never takes the lead and never tried anything new.

You go through a 4-month separation. She swears she wasn't intimate with anybody during that time. But you notice her wanting to move into new positions now that she didn't use to. 

Men, gut instinct, is this an innocent woman wanting to explore her sexuality in new ways with her husband? If so, where did she learn some of these new positions, porn, women's store-shelf magazines?

Or is this a woman who slept with other men during the separation sowing her wild oats and was introduced to new things? 

What would most guys think? Women, chime in to.


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## code7600

I'd treat it as a red flag. Or, look into Amazon purchases or
new books on the shelf if you aren't so cynical.


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## LovesHerMan

This is a tough one. Was the separation your idea or hers? I would keep my eyes and ears open for clues. Casually mention that you have noticed her new attitude, and you like her creativity. See what her response is. I would watch her cell phone use and check her Facebook page, though.


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## Shaggy

This is a woman who had been learning new tricks from new *icks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## southernmagnolia

You didn't give any background on why you separated so just going on your post. 

Maybe she was bored to death with your sex life and bored with you and life in general, so she is going to spice it up. Nothing at all wrong with that. Maybe she had a sexual awakening as part of her coming of age sexually. BTW.........good girls can and do enjoy sex. :smthumbup:

BTW......many a husband would be thrilled. Why are you suspicious?


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## michzz

If the two of you were separated you would be a fool to think that at the very least each of you were reassessing all parts of your life pursuing personal satisfaction.

That said, she is either finally unleashing her desires with you.

Or

She discovered these new interests with someone or someones else when you were separated.

That she feels like she has to lie if the latter is indicated by your interest in knowing.

On the one hand, if the two of you had an agreement of no sexual partners during the separation, it is difficult to maintain that.

On the other hand, maybe she just went to a bookstore and read up on things.

You don't really provide enough information in your posting.


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## southernmagnolia

Also which is it? G/f or wife?

I don't get why you you wouldn't clarify that.


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## SimplyAmorous

Well, that happened to me too, but we was never separated a day, it was a hormonal thing & I was buying books left & right for a time, started renting porn & visiting sites like Your Guide for Sex Tips | SexInfo101.com

It is that separation that sure would make it darn suspicious. Along with the creativity , I personally never held a "thought" back from my husband, what I was learning, wanted to do, that openness just came with the rest of it.

If it is all about YOU or a hormonal change in her to now be this way, she should NOT have an unwillingness -or hesitation to share where this came from, that is what I would think.


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## thecw

It's a common-law wife. Separation was her idea because she no longer was herself and needed to be happy again and find herself. 
Lamest excuse in the book and so overused by women. 

I'm well aware of the tactic of "separating" or being on a "break" that some women use to have flings without guilt. She is God-fearing, and I'm sure that would be ok with the big man because technically you aren't together.


Stuff like this makes me believe none of us ever really know the truth in our relationships. You only know what the other wants you to know and believe.


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## Enchantment

thecw said:


> Stuff like this makes me believe none of us ever really know the truth in our relationships. You only know what the other wants you to know and believe.


True. No one can ever truly know what is in the heart or mind of another.

However, have you ever brought this up and discussed it with her? Because, typically, if there's trust and respect in a relationship, there's also a lot more transparency.

How big of a deal is it that you find out if there's a reason? What's your boundary on it? Are you willing to walk out over it, or are you willing to take the reins and see where it takes you two?

Best wishes.


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## thecw

Enchantment said:


> True. No one can ever truly know what is in the heart or mind of another.
> 
> However, have you ever brought this up and discussed it with her? Because, typically, if there's trust and respect in a relationship, there's also a lot more transparency.
> 
> How big of a deal is it that you find out if there's a reason? What's your boundary on it? Are you willing to walk out over it, or are you willing to take the reins and see where it takes you two?
> 
> Best wishes.


Bringing it up would cause a slew of problems I'm sure. My gut tells me there were other men during that time even though she denied it adamantly when we got back together. She came back to me after she came to the realization she loved me and didn't want to be without me anymore. In the end reconciliation is something we both wanted, but I can't help but think part of that realization came after some sleezebags used her and she realized how the world isn't full of white knights like she may have thought.

Eh, all of this is pointless in the end. I will never get the truth. I'm resigned to that. But I'm not a stoopid man....wait, maybe I am.


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## RoseRed

thecw said:


> Bringing it up would cause a slew of problems I'm sure. My gut tells me there were other men during that time even though she denied it adamantly when we got back together. She came back to me after she came to the realization she loved me and didn't want to be without me anymore. In the end reconciliation is something we both wanted, but I can't help but think part of that realization came after some sleezebags used her and she realized how the world isn't full of white knights like she may have thought.
> 
> Eh, all of this is pointless in the end. I will never get the truth. I'm resigned to that. But I'm not a stoopid man....wait, maybe I am.


IMHO....
Your answer will be your attitude through the whole process. If you think that men are sleezebags, then count yourself in. If you think women are lieing hores, then end it and you've made a self-fullfilling prophecy. No matter how the effect of a new sex life, be it books, magazines, porn flicks, or your suspicion of another man... do you feel you have dominance over her newly awakened 'sexual being'? Would you be offended if she had a vibrator in her bedside drawer? She came back, reconciled with you, and have a spicier sexlife. If you think that she came back, deluded by your white knight theory, or she's just resigned to 'settle' for you... those are issues you've got to both work out... your guessing and second guessing, is gonna be a tough path to follow! Either work it out, let it go and move foreward, or let it eat at you for a lifetime...


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## SockPuppet

thecw said:


> but I can't help but think part of that realization came after some sleezebags used her and she realized how the world isn't full of white knights like she may have thought.


Is this a bad thing? She wanted to find herself, maybe had some male company whilst on a break with you, and may have stepped into reality where guys can be huge jerks. Does you a favour, because if she came back, that means your not a jerk.


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## thecw

Thank you guys for a dose of reality. I can often dish it (seem Shamwow's thread in the Coping with Infidelity forum) but can't serve it to myself. It doesn't bother me as much as it may seem. It would if the doubt were during a time we were together.


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## WhereAmI

thecw said:


> It's a common-law wife. Separation was her idea because she no longer was herself and needed to be happy again and find herself.
> Lamest excuse in the book and so overused by women.


I'm sure it's just an excuse for many women. However, some women really do need to get away to find themselves. It's hard to concentrate on yourself when you're trying to keep the man you're with 100% happy. Women are guilty of putting themselves last far too often. it's quite possible that she's spent all these years trying to feed your sexual desires while ignoring hers. Now she's ready to be a bit selfish. That's not a bad thing.  Hopefully you find that she's being truthful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CH

So what happens when she needs another break to find herself again?


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## RoseRed

cheatinghubby said:


> So what happens when she needs another break to find herself again?


Why torment oneself with worry about a future you may or may not experience??? You would drive yourself insane and paranoid playing the 'what if' game!! Hopefully they have and will try to continue an open dialogue... continue to discover eachother... and in time take the relationship to the next level, which would be at THEIR time line.

Hopefully they have discussed and truly comfortable with the unformalized relationship... which could be an underlying issue. 

Everyone has got to realize that there are things that CAN control, there are things that DON'T NEED to be controlled, and a heck of alot they CAN'T control...


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## thecw

cheatinghubby said:


> So what happens when she needs another break to find herself again?


The question of all questions. I would like to think I'd be strong enough to say don't bother coming back if there is a next time.


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## Atholk

thecw said:


> Say you've been with your God-fearing wife/gf for over 6-7 years and know her well in bed by now. She's always been on the conservative side, kind of just goes with the flow and never takes the lead and never tried anything new.


"God fearing" makes a great smokescreen sometimes.


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## Entropy3000

thecw said:


> Say you've been with your God-fearing wife/gf for over 6-7 years and know her well in bed by now. She's always been on the conservative side, kind of just goes with the flow and never takes the lead and never tried anything new.
> 
> You go through a 4-month separation. She swears she wasn't intimate with anybody during that time. But you notice her wanting to move into new positions now that she didn't use to.
> 
> Men, gut instinct, is this an innocent woman wanting to explore her sexuality in new ways with her husband? If so, where did she learn some of these new positions, porn, women's store-shelf magazines?
> 
> Or is this a woman who slept with other men during the separation sowing her wild oats and was introduced to new things?
> 
> What would most guys think? Women, chime in to.


Red Flag yes. I view separation as an open marriage ofr somebody. I don't see it a good idea accept where there is substance abuse.

Anyway, she could have explored by reading much of this. However, you can tell the difference. If she is good at any of this she indeed did cheat. Having the ideas for new positions could just be her reralizing she needed more.


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## thecw

Atholk said:


> "God fearing" makes a great smokescreen sometimes.


Absolutely.


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## SunnyT

First of all.... separated means "not together". So IF something happened, it has nothing to do with you. 

But, women can and do research how to make love, how to "please their man", how to improve bj's, etc.... And ya, you can find some info in Cosmo. Or you could google it. Or you could watch some porn. 

If you like what she is doing... praise her for it. It will help to keep up the wanting to DO more, and may open up more conversations about sex.


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## CH

RoseRed said:


> Why torment oneself with worry about a future you may or may not experience??? You would drive yourself insane and paranoid playing the 'what if' game!! Hopefully they have and will try to continue an open dialogue... continue to discover eachother... and in time take the relationship to the next level, which would be at THEIR time line.
> 
> Hopefully they have discussed and truly comfortable with the unformalized relationship... which could be an underlying issue.
> 
> Everyone has got to realize that there are things that CAN control, there are things that DON'T NEED to be controlled, and a heck of alot they CAN'T control...


That's what I mean, if they don't fix the problem, it'll happen again. If they're just gonna brush everything under the rug and go on like nothing happened then THE QUESTION BECOMES VALID.


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## RoseRed

cheatinghubby said:


> That's what I mean, if they don't fix the problem, it'll happen again. If they're just gonna brush everything under the rug and go on like nothing happened then THE QUESTION BECOMES VALID.


Point taken, thank you... you were vague in your previous post.. and you've clarified yourself. :smthumbup: 

in agreement...


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## Shaggy

SunnyT said:


> First of all.... separated means "not together". So IF something happened, it has nothing to do with you.
> 
> But, women can and do research how to make love, how to "please their man", how to improve bj's, etc.... And ya, you can find some info in Cosmo. Or you could google it. Or you could watch some porn.
> 
> If you like what she is doing... praise her for it. It will help to keep up the wanting to DO more, and may open up more conversations about sex.



No divorce is when it no longer matters. If they are only separated it is adultery and very much his business. You don't get to claim separation, go out for some quick sex, then show back up. The isn't a time out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

thecw said:


> It's a common-law wife. Separation was her idea because she no longer was herself and needed to be happy again and find herself.
> Lamest excuse in the book and so overused by women.
> 
> I'm well aware of the tactic of "separating" or being on a "break" that some women use to have flings without guilt. She is God-fearing, and I'm sure that would be ok with the big man because technically you aren't together.
> 
> 
> Stuff like this makes me believe none of us ever really know the truth in our relationships. You only know what the other wants you to know and believe.


Finding oneself can also entail new sexual partners.

Likely I think here but not certain from information given.


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## Entropy3000

SunnyT said:


> *First of all.... separated means "not together". So IF something happened, it has nothing to do with you. *
> 
> But, women can and do research how to make love, how to "please their man", how to improve bj's, etc.... And ya, you can find some info in Cosmo. Or you could google it. Or you could watch some porn.
> 
> If you like what she is doing... praise her for it. It will help to keep up the wanting to DO more, and may open up more conversations about sex.


LOL.

It depends on the separation. BUT that is why I am not a believer in separations in general. It is essentially an open relationship.


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## Entropy3000

Shaggy said:


> No divorce is when it no longer matters. If they are only separated it is adultery and very much his business. You don't get to claim separation, go out for some quick sex, then show back up. The isn't a time out.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Entropy3000

cheatinghubby said:


> So what happens when she needs another break to find herself again?


This question is about boundaries. If she has done this once, why not again? To me it is about resolving this situation whether she indeed does this again.

I mean what exactly was this. Finding oneself. needing Space. I need a break from marriage with you to find myself. Sweet. A sabatical!!! So I can test my market calue and have some sex or whatever. A timeout. Then they can fall back to plan B. Sweet deal.


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## Syrum

She did it because you aren't legally married, shes not convinced of your commitment to her and wanted to check out what else is out there.

Your relationship needs clear direction, so she can feel secure with you other wise it will happen again.


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## Stonewall

You accepted her back from separation. I'm sure you knew this was a possibility. 

My advice in light of this is let it go. Don't obsess over it but don't put blinders on either!


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## crossbar

Stonewall said:


> You accepted her back from separation. I'm sure you knew this was a possibility.
> 
> My advice in light of this is let it go. Don't obsess over it but don't put blinders on either!


Actually, I respectfully believe that he SHOULDN'T let it go. If she was with other men and she doesn't tell him. She's putting his health at risk. Condoms aren't 100% affective on stopping STD's. He has a right to know to protect his own health and well being.


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## Shaggy

He also has a right to know if he has another man out there to worry about getting into the middle of his marriage or is possibly still in the middle.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000

Syrum said:


> She did it because you aren't legally married, shes not convinced of your commitment to her and wanted to check out what else is out there.
> 
> Your relationship needs clear direction, so she can feel secure with you other wise it will happen again.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## chillymorn

Did you get some while you wern't together?


if so then why wouldn't she?

put more effort into being her MAN.


ask her about her new found sexuallity. not in a bad way but in a playfull way. say something like if I knew you were going to become more sexuall then we should have seperated years ago. then say come here you sex kitten and show me some new tricks.this new uninhibited sexuallity you have is awsome hope i can keep up .


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## Sawney Beane

My reading is that the OP wants the separation to become permanent, but wants an excuse, and this is it.

If you want to walk, walk. Don't dress it up or look for an excuse or seek for a way for it to be someone else's fault. Walk.


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## thecw

Sawney Beane said:


> My reading is that the OP wants the separation to become permanent, but wants an excuse, and this is it.
> 
> If you want to walk, walk. Don't dress it up or look for an excuse or seek for a way for it to be someone else's fault. Walk.


LOL, you must be female. We men drive you ladies to behave in bad, bad ways. It's our fault. I slap myself everyday wondering why I drove a couple of my ex's to slob all over some other guy's knob behind my back. 

Nothing wrong in my eyes with evaluating your relationships for honesty, whether that be friendships, family relationships, or your significant other.


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## lht285

If she left and came back and now wants to try wilder stuff with YOU, that it is not so bad a thing. She did come back. You obviously are enjoying it. I would enjoy it, and unless things change for the worse I would not question it. But I would also make sure and keep communicating. Be her man, and make it so she wants to keep coming back for more.


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## Sawney Beane

thecw said:


> LOL, you must be female.


Try reading some of my other posts. Try the other possibility... Jeez, 50/50 and you can still get it wrong.



> Nothing wrong in my eyes with evaluating your relationships for honesty, whether that be friendships, family relationships, or your significant other.


I'll ignore your "attempt" at trying to insult me. If you want to kick her into touch, go on. Do it. "Manning up" is saying "I'm out of here, this isn't for me any more". Pissyarsing about looking for "reasons" _why_ you can walk is much, much less so.


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## thecw

lht285 said:


> If she left and came back and now wants to try wilder stuff with YOU, that it is not so bad a thing. She did come back. You obviously are enjoying it. I would enjoy it, and unless things change for the worse I would not question it. But I would also make sure and keep communicating. Be her man, and make it so she wants to keep coming back for more.


Never said it was a bad thing. And neither is assessing the honesty in a relationship. 

Yeah she came back and things are good, as long as I accept her time-out and needing to find herself during her time away without question. 

It really doesn't bother me as much as some of you think, but let's call a spade a spade. Most women who need time to find themselves are telling a half-truth....they need to find themselves enjoying guilt-free sexual exploits. I said MOST, not all. 

Men, we should more time self-reflecting and find ourselves too. Maybe even do it in Vegas.


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## Shaggy

So she got to have a free pass time. When do you get yours?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RoseRed

thecw said:


> Never said it was a bad thing. And neither is assessing the honesty in a relationship.
> 
> Yeah she came back and things are good, as long as I accept her time-out and needing to find herself during her time away without question.
> 
> It really doesn't bother me as much as some of you think, but let's call a spade a spade. Most women who need time to find themselves are telling a half-truth....they need to find themselves enjoying guilt-free sexual exploits. I said MOST, not all.
> 
> Men, we should more time self-reflecting and find ourselves too. Maybe even do it in Vegas.


This is with all the supposition that she was whoring around... if that is what you truly believe, then either accept it and continue on, or bail out. At this point, if you don't trust what she says as truth, whats the point?? 

IMHO... if you aren't going to make it official after 6 - 7 years... I could see that she is questioning your commitment to her. Are you really going to be HER man??? 

I believe you are both at the cross-roads... time to figure this all out now...and move foreward...right now you are idling and waffling... 

and if you think a time-out is a lame excuse... walk a mile in a wife, mother, and workers shoes for a couple of years... and tell me you don't need a little SOLO vacay once in a while!!!


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## thecw

WhiteRabbit said:


> If she was so "God fearing" why was she having sex with you without being married to start with?? Tells me she isn't so "God fearing" afterall. As far as her new sex tricks: she was conservative when she left and comes back new and improved. As a normally cynical woman, I personally feel she learned these new tricks from someone. But, since you aren't married and you were technically broken up, I pull out the Ross Gellar defense and say she's not in the wrong because "YOU WERE ON A BREAK"
> 
> however, if she was riding a new hobby horse, she should tell you. She might be afraid to tell you though.
> 
> Maybe she DID want to live her life a little bit before settling down. What's wrong with that? Especially if it helps her appreciate her life with you. If she makes this a habit, then you've got problems and she needs to go and stay gone.


Thanks for your insight. Yes, therein lies the dilemma...a God-fearing woman who lives in sin with me. She would never tell me the truth because, yes, I would be upset, more so at the fact she lied first before coming clean. 

Do any of us really know our spouses/significant others? My answer is we only know what they want you to know, always has been always will be.


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## Runs like Dog

I thought compassion for human weakness was a Christian trait?


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## zaliblue

Well....did you guys have problems in bed before the separation? If so....then maybe since you guys are back together she is trying to show you that she has improved in that department by impressing you with some new moves. She can learn new moves from a book or movie....it's not exactly rocket science....maybe she's just trying to keep the marriage spicy However, if she tells you that she didn't sleep with anyone during the separation, then you should either believe what she is saying or leave her (this is just how i feel about it).....Going into the marriage (again) with trust issues is just as bad as starting a new marriage with them.....Has she ever given you a reason to not trust her?


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