# A Happy Life After Divorce!!!



## familyfirst09

So I thought I would pop over to this thread for some inspiration...to hear some good news stories about how people are getting along after their divorce. And how happy they are and now truly believe that "everything happens for a reason". But im not finding any!!! 

There's got to be some good news stories out there, anyone care to share?


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## happysnappy

There are always irritations with exes no matter how amicable you are. In general my life is less stressful without an extra child. Lol. I can clean if I feel like it or not. I can go and do what I want without worry and I always have the amount into bank account the last time I looked. Plus I get every wed night thurs night and every other weekend kid free!


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## happysnappy

In the not "into". Love autocorrect


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## Freak On a Leash

Not divorced yet but in general I've been MUCH happier being separated for these past 2 years then when I was living with my STBXH. I love living on my own, having my own place and being in control of my life. I don't think the divorce will change that at all. 

I don't think I was cut out for marriage anyway. I always suspected that but being separated confirmed that. I'm really enjoying the "single" life.  So YES, I am happy. MUCH happier than when I was living with my husband as a married couple.


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## familyfirst09

How long did it take to get to a place where you were comfortable and happy on your own? And also being without your kids full time?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Holland

Just lost a long reply, ******.

The short version is that I am a very happily divorced woman. My kids are doing well, ex and I are friends and co parent well together.

I am in a great relationship with a wonderful man and I have a well balanced and extremely happy life.

I hope you can find the place that makes you happy. Getting divorced has been a positive thing for me but it took 12 months to get to a better place. Now I would never go back to my old life, I truly love my life now.


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## old pilot

Words from a Delbert McClinton song:
When I remember all the hell you put me threw
I think Im better off wirg the blues.


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## old pilot

Quote from a Delbert McClinton song:
"When I remember all the hell you put me threw
I think Im better off with the blues."


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## Shooboomafoo

ITs alright. I havent dated yet. Havent wanted to. Sixteen years of a difficult marriage and I went cage free roam after she divorced me and moved her partner-du-infidelite into the marital home.
Got the kid every other week, and the weeks without her is sometimes difficult, but its been a little more than a year after divorce, and im doing alright. 
I too would never go back to that life.


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## doureallycare2

I know I’m doing the right thing divorcing my husband but I’m so scared of the unknown and what if's... I think the reason why I put up with so much abuse for so long was fear of handling things on my own. Finances scare me the most....


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## EnjoliWoman

It was at least 6 months until I wasn't sad the entire time my daughter was with the ex. I would be fine with it now if I could be sure he wasn't trying to turn her against me again. I just can't trust that he's not doing that. 

Professionally and personally I'm much better off. He was causing me so much stress and lack of confidence in myself that my career was suffering. Personally my friends didn't like being around him or doing anything with us so we mostly did things with his friends so I sort of had to start over in that regard. But that is better, too. I'm different now. Some high school friends have evolved and we've reconnected over the years but most of my friends know the 'new' me and are amazed when they hear about my ex. They look at me know and say "I can't believe someone like YOU ever put up with his crap!"


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## ku1980rose

I'm much happier since my divorce, although things are difficult. I had to move into my parent's basement and I quit my job and am just doing part time work right now.

I am lonely, but I was lonely IN my marriage. I am happy because I know leaving was the right choice. Do I still mourn my failed marriage? Yes, but I have no desire to be with him anymore. The fighting is over. And I'm sleeping alone at night now because I chose to. Not because my husband wants nothing to do with me.

So, generally, I am very happy with my decision to leave. Getting married to him was the wrong decision, and I feel much more relieved since I corrected my mistake.


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## Freak On a Leash

familyfirst09 said:


> How long did it take to get to a place where you were comfortable and happy on your own?


Oh..about two minutes.  I've never missed living with my husband. I LOVE living on my own. From the day I moved me and my kids into this apartment I've been about 100X happier. 

But it's only recently (about the past 6 months or so) that I've actually "gotten over" my husband emotionally and moved on. That did take awhile. 

But even then I never wanted to go back to living WITH him. In the beginning I'd hoped that we could rekindle a romantic relationship and be like boyfriend-girlfriend and live apart. Didn't happen. 

Now I'm hoping we can remain friendly, cordial and coparent our son effectively. 



> And also being without your kids full time?


That hasn't *quite* happened yet. My daughter is at college right now and after six months of living with his father, my 15 year old son is back with me. For an all too brief period of time I was living by myself (from Sept-December). I absolutely LOVED it. 

There was also a period of time when my daughter and I loved together (May-September) and I enjoyed that as well. We were more like friends than mother-daughter. She's very independent and neat so it worked great. 

My son is much better than he used to be. He's matured quite a bit and does try to clean up after himself (with mixed results) but it's not like living alone at all. I'm glad that now his father has sobered up and is taking him to his place sometimes now. It's a nice break.


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## Freak On a Leash

ku1980rose said:


> I am lonely, but I was lonely IN my marriage. I am happy because I know leaving was the right choice. Do I still mourn my failed marriage? Yes, but I have no desire to be with him anymore. The fighting is over. And I'm sleeping alone at night now because I chose to. Not because my husband wants nothing to do with me.
> 
> So, generally, I am very happy with my decision to leave. Getting married to him was the wrong decision, and I feel much more relieved since I corrected my mistake.


:iagree: :iagree: I sure as hell can relate to this....

I was MUCH lonelier when I was with my husband. There's nothing like lying next to a man who is fully clothed in a sweater and jeans and is doing his best to be as far away from on the other side of the bed as physically possible to make you feel wanted and loved. NOT. 

I lie in the same bed now and I NEVER feel as alone and rejected as I did then.


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## curious2

familyfirst09 said:


> How long did it take to get to a place where you were comfortable and happy on your own? And also being without your kids full time?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


As soon as I walked out the door but this is not common. I have my kids full time so not an issue but now I also have me time when ex takes them which I never had before and very much appreciate.


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## eldubya

I was in an abusive situation where my health was going downhill and the finances were going down the drain. Its been almost a year since the catalyst for my divorce and a lot has happened. But the neatest thing is that the core of fear I lived with daily has squeezed itself out of my chest. The physical symptoms I was experiencing have gone maybe for good. I am thinking with the clearest head I have had in a verrry loong time.
I still worry about finances and how I'm going to retire but I know this worry will eventually go away. I also am finding that not worrying about what the spouse will do to me is helping with my spiritual path. Feeling lighter and more energy I can focus on helping others more and finding meaning in life.
I don't know how many in TAM were in abusive relationships. I do know that even after freedom of the divorce decree I struggled with blaming myself and wanting to curl up and die. It took me another4 months to start to feel safe...maybe after I had paid off the lawyers and the huge settlement to the exH and knew he wasn't going to come after me (too much fun on his vacation spending his entitlement).


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

When you hear 180 and the first thing that comes to mind is that it's something you do on your snowboard, you're happy.

When you don't have to have a reason for anything/everything that you do, that makes sense to another person, bliss!

When your vegan diet doesn't get undermined by somebody who wants to 'show love' by cooking you a steak from the Meat House, splendid.

When you do not have to hear about how your own daughter 'is going to be' when she grows up, marvelous.

When you can hire a sitter and even if she is 'hot' you don't have to hear about it and feel uncomfortable when HE is going to be getting home first, worried that he might do or say something to make sitter quit or worse file a lawsuit. 

When he pulls out in back of you while you're driving your kids to gymnastics and your reaction is just "Son of a b*tch." and then you flip your rearview mirror so you can't see him...out of sight, out of mind.


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## stillhoping

I was not the one who wanted the divorce, there are things I find it easier to do now that I am alone, but I shared my life with exH for almost 30 years and I miss him a lot. I'm getting on with my life, but I am finding it a slow, slow process. The D will be final for a year in May, so I expect that once the first year is behind me, I will keep feeling stronger. Its just that at 55, I didn't expect to find myself alone, dating and trying to deal with all of that with my grown kids. They don't live with me, except when my youngest is home from college but they don't want to hear about Mom dating! And I wanted to love my ex forever


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## Stretch

StillHoping,

I just wanted to say, be positive and know that your age is irrelevant. I am like you, jilted after decades, not looking forward to finding someone to share my time with, etc. Alas, this is not about me. The day I told my WAW we should see other people, I met someone at a concert that night. She is an awesome person with a D30 and D14. And did I mention she is 53? I am 47 and I flat out adore her and we love spending time together even though we are both separated and were hurt by our spouses. The pain is there but the happiness is there more.

I am sure you are a beautiful caring woman that most men would love to get to know. Try meetup.com, one of my friends meets tons of nice people there and it is less pressure than a dating site.

Live life, it is worth living,
Stretch


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## Lovingwife315

I am not divorced yet, but am struggling with my emotions about how to manage everything on my own. My STBXH lives 5 monutes away, and takes the kids to school 2 times a week. He also has the youngest D6 every other weekend, but the rest of the time I am left to handle everything on my own. 

The things is, he states I handled everthing on my own before, and asked me what the difference is. HUH...... I guess I can only say, I felt as if I had my "wingman" with me, as back up. Someone to share the day to day responsibilities with, just an extra parental presence in the home......now he says he will come by to help me, but I have to ask him......that is why I always ended up doing everything myself before, cause it is too exausting and annoying to always have to ask for help. It is easy to see when I need help.....but not when you don't live here.

Another topic that came up recently is $ and I told him today how upset I am that after 12 years of us struggline to get to a point where we could afford to do the things we wanted to with our kids......now he rents a place and 7000.00 a year is not available for our family. (just for his MLC/LOVE SHACK/MAN CAVE)

I want to be to a point where I feel strong and where I feel like I can handle things. I am just tired and never signed up to be a single mother or 3.....


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## S4E

stillhoping said:


> I was not the one who wanted the divorce, there are things I find it easier to do now that I am alone, but I shared my life with exH for almost 30 years and I miss him a lot. I'm getting on with my life, but I am finding it a slow, slow process. The D will be final for a year in May, so I expect that once the first year is behind me, I will keep feeling stronger. Its just that at 55, I didn't expect to find myself alone, dating and trying to deal with all of that with my grown kids. They don't live with me, except when my youngest is home from college but they don't want to hear about Mom dating! And I wanted to love my ex forever


I am close to a seperation and this is how I know it will be for me. I too want the seperation and not my wife. She had an affair 12 years ago with my best friend and had both of us during the same time until I caught them on a cruise together. We rugswept. I lied to myself and said she was manipulated and I pushed her away (which made her a victim). The truth has all come flooding back to me over the past couple years and the "triggeres" were always there. Even after giving her trust she has never really trusted me? I have just grown tired of it and want to escape it all. But I am 53...thought we'd grow old together, am not in the best shape financially, and I know i will miss a big part of what we had. But just like a big pot of stew, if you throw in just 1 rotten rancid vegetable or piece of meat, it will ruin the entire pot.... Good luck be happy!


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## 4understanding

I am recently divorced after 2 years of trying everything to save my marriage...didn't want my kids in a broken home. I was the one that ended up filing and drove the bus for the divorce.

My ex (cheater) is now in a small little apartment with visitation of our children. I stayed in my home, have custody of my kids and haven't been happier for many years. I sleep well at night, my life is stress free and I value the time with my kids so much more. I've heard its rare for a father to end up with custody, but I fought as hard as possible..and it happened.

I'm also dating a wonderful woman that cares for me greatly, as I do for her. I don't like the fact of my kids dealing with a divorce, but they are doing well. My divorce was the best decision I've made!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NoWhere

Hmm A happy life after Divorce? I'll have to get back to you on that. :scratchhead:

Though its nice to read a lot of people here who are happier!


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## Freak On a Leash

Yesterday was the first valentine's day with my STBXH truly out of my life. In past years when I did get something it was only if I reminded him, gave him a guilt trip, etc. This year I didn't care. We're separated and on our way to divorce so OF COURSE I didn't expect anything. 

What I did do was go on an overnight skiing and had a time. I was truly free and happy and it was the BEST Valentine's Day I ever had. At the ski resort they were doing this thing where people could go up to the peak and renew their vows in a ceremony. I made a vow that I would stay single.! :smthumbup:

The best present my STBXH did was to take our son for me for two days. That was the best present ever! I miss taking a road trip so much! It was great to be out on the slopes and just free to do whatever I liked for a few days, away from home and the responsibility of looking after my son. 

So yeah, I'm damn happy. No more worrying about crap like whether or not my husband cares enough to get me gifts on holidays. When you are divorced you don't EXPECT anything so you aren't disappointed when you don't GET anything. 

I know it sounds screwed up but it works for me.


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## stillhoping

@Stretch, thanks for the positives, I was really going through a bad stretch there for about 2 weeks, feel a bit better now. And you know what, I need to let it all go. The dreams I had for growing old with my marriage intact are gone, need a new dream.


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## Stretch

Hey, let's face it the rollercoaster sucks. You will heal. You will learn to have fun doing new things or doing things you gave up for your marriage (skiing for me!). When an event is going on and you think you might enjoy it, make yourself, make yourself go. Force yourself to live life again. It can be a lot of fun.

Keep healing, you are doing great!


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## IceQueen

I will have to say that it was hard that first year. Then I truly began to move on.

After that time, my ex had asked if I regretted things, and tod me that he did. He said that he wanted to try to work on things. 

For that first year, I had secretly had fantasies of him begging me to come back on his hands and knees. But after a period of time, I was just numb. I realized that I didn't hate him, but that I was not in love with him anymore, and really hadn't been in a while. That is when I realized that I had truly just moved on, It still stung, but I was rebuilding my life.

It was when I was on my own (about 1 year after I separated), happy in my job and friends, that I found the most attractive, sweet, and incredible person in my life. A man who fell head over heels for me. A man who is beautiful not only on the outside but on the inside too. A man who I have much in common with. A man who I love. 

It has been a few years now. I don't hate my ex, I am no longer in love with my ex. He is a great father, and I wish him, just as I would with all of you, a happy life.


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## doureallycare2

Emotionally I’m doing better, I spent the weekend cleaning and cooking and actually staying in my home for the whole weekend. The stbxh didn’t show up at all which was such a relief. I have to say that although I’m feeling lonely and I so long to have him there to talk to and hold me especially at night I am content knowing that I am doing the right thing filing for divorce. When I kicked him out he immediately went and lived with the OW even though he says he lives in her basement.. yeh right... I am taking my life back after 36 years, but I’m so scared. I have now had papers from my lawyer that I have to fill out since Feb 8th and I cant even look at them. Why I ask myself? I need this divorce, I want this to be over soon, but emotionally I’m drained, I’m tired and I just don’t want to have to think anymore. But all in all Im calmer. A month ago I wouldnt have been able to stay in the house a whole weekend, I certainly wouldnt have had the energy to cook and clean 2 days in a row. I watched old girlie movies that I enjoy had a glass of wine and relaxed in PJs with the dogs. I can actually see where life will get better I just need to keep my view on that light at the end of the tunnel at least i think I can see a glimmer of it now.


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## familyfirst09

doureallycare2 said:


> Emotionally I’m doing better, I spent the weekend cleaning and cooking and actually staying in my home for the whole weekend. The stbxh didn’t show up at all which was such a relief. I have to say that although I’m feeling lonely and I so long to have him there to talk to and hold me especially at night I am content knowing that I am doing the right thing filing for divorce. When I kicked him out he immediately went and lived with the OW even though he says he lives in her basement.. yeh right... I am taking my life back after 36 years, but I’m so scared. I have now had papers from my lawyer that I have to fill out since Feb 8th and I cant even look at them. Why I ask myself? I need this divorce, I want this to be over soon, but emotionally I’m drained, I’m tired and I just don’t want to have to think anymore. But all in all Im calmer. A month ago I wouldnt have been able to stay in the house a whole weekend, I certainly wouldnt have had the energy to cook and clean 2 days in a row. I watched old girlie movies that I enjoy had a glass of wine and relaxed in PJs with the dogs. I can actually see where life will get better I just need to keep my view on that light at the end of the tunnel at least i think I can see a glimmer of it now.


I did the same thing last weekend. First night I had stayed at home by myself without D since STBX left. And it was peaceful instead of full of anxiety. I know I've got a long road to go, we don't even have papers filed yet but they're coming. 

Last night, after I put D to bed, and I've actually done this every night for the past week - I have laid down on my couch and pretty much just fallen asleep. I would never be able to do that when STBX was around, I always had to be doing something. Now I don't gotta do nothing I don't want to!!

I still miss the companionship and still feel lonely after D goes to bed but its definitely getting easier.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## working_together

I read somewhere that for every year you have been apart from your spouse, it takes a month to recover. For me, it would mean two years I guess. At a year, I'm in a much better place, but not where I exactly want to be yet. I have a lot of self-doubt after a failed marriage. I waver back and forth, I have good days, and then I slip back a bit. I think it's fairly normal. I do love living alone and being in charge of my domain....lol. This week is tough, my kids are with their dad for March break while I have to work. I miss them a bunch, but will have dinner with them and the ex (sucking it up big time) tonight.


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## Welsh TXN

Well I am happy now, I was distraught when everything happened I lost 40-50 lbs in weight with stress and worry, but once the divorce was final I started to move forward I was only married just over 2.5 years and dated her the same amount if time, I had counseling for me too help me through, I met someone back in July and we talked I told her my whole story and we took it slow we have been together 8 months now she is the polar opposite of my ex not controlling or wanting me to change I know there are things I need to change and I work on them daily to become a better person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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