# "Do you think I'm a prostitute?"



## bravo29 (Sep 7, 2014)

My wife has had a cough for a week so I've laid low until a couple of days ago when I asked her if she would give me a HJ. That night as she was at it I told her to speak dirty to me. Her first language is not English but she managed a few sarcastic and uninspiring phrases.

The following morning I thanked her for trying to speak dirty. I said it was great that she tried it and look forward to this continuing. After that she blew up and said, "do you think I'm a prostitute"? I was completely surprised by that because nothing could be further from the truth. I told her so and said I wouldn't want to be with anyone else but I would like to be able to tell her my desires and don't think it's particularly out of the ordinary. I said plenty of upstanding women speak dirty in private and it doesn't reflect any negativity. Eventually she came around and relaxed.

I guess some women feel awkward speaking dirty as if this is a reflection of who they are. I didn't realize my wife was like that. Anyway, the following night we had sex and she spoke dirty to me on her own which made me very glad. Communication about sex is really important and even though she'd rather not talk about it I'm glad we did. Whether it lasts is another thing but things are better now.

Has anyone else run into this before?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

Open communication leading to better sex? No.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I never had this conversation with my former spouse, but I did with my mom.

We were discussing oral sex, and she seemed thoroughly disgusted and said those of her generation considered it something only prostitutes would do.

I told her I loved oral sex, and she said, 'no wonder you're so popular.' 

Early on in my current relationship, when my boyfriend found out that I enjoyed giving oral, he acted like a newborn who needed to be demand fed. Literally - every two hours, he wanted another blow job, and by the end of the weekend, I felt used.

I think most want to know we're cared about. We want to feel special, and we want to know that it's us you want and not just a body.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening all
I don't think any sex act that is done out of a desire to please your partner, where that desire is reciprocated (not necessarily at the same time) is anything like prostitution. 

Prostitution is the trading of sex for other things, for material wealth. Lovemaking is trading intimacy for more intimacy.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

minimalME said:


> I never had this conversation with my former spouse, but I did with my mom.
> 
> We were discussing oral sex, and she seemed thoroughly disgusted and said those of her generation considered it something only prostitutes would do.
> 
> ...


Yep. Sadly it took me a long time to figure that out.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

bravo29 said:


> Her first language is not English
> 
> After that she blew up and said, "do you think I'm a prostitute"? I was completely surprised by that because nothing could be further from the truth.
> 
> Has anyone else run into this before?


Yes, my dad had that kind of reaction when my mom took me to get my ears pierced in 7th grade. "Do you want to look like a prostitute?" 

I don't know what country your wife is from, but my immigrant family comes from a place where people thought like that. Your wife has views that were formed in a different culture. I suspect this won't be the only thing that will need some explaining, and even then, you might not ever come to a meeting of the minds on some things.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

intheory said:


> Wow, minimalME!!!
> 
> I mean, your boyfriend really, really, really, really likes oral sex.
> 
> ...


Both. 

But he's mellowed out - he's not like that now. I think he'd not been in a relationship for a while, so he was probably craving attention.


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## doobie (Apr 15, 2014)

I find it dreadfully difficult to talk dirty in the way in which my husband enjoys - I just get really self-conscious and feel like I'm acting in a porn film. This is probably because of the type of language he likes me to use - words that I would never normally say. It's just no me and makes me feel like I'm putting on a show. I don't mind talking during sex, but would prefer to be able to use words and terms that I'm more familiar with (for instance, my husband would prefer me to say c**t, rather than p***y). It's not that I feel like a prostitute (and let's get this straight here, there is nothing wrong with prostitutes, they're providing a service and deserve respect for doing so) I just don't feel like me when I use that sort of language. I find the "c" word terribly offensive anyway, whereas it's a word that my H tends to bandy about a bit. I complain every time he uses the word and he has toned down quite a lot.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Yes, words are funny. I used the C word once early on and it was made pretty clear that was offensive . There is no difference to me between that and other words but it matters to her so I haven't said it in 20 years! On the other hand when she tells me about being a bit of a hard ass at work or any number of other situations that come up I'll call her a ***** (it's a bit tongue in cheek) and she'll say THANK YOU! Gotta roll with whatever works...


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## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

I think it's just a way she uses to stop you from asking her to do things she doesn't want to do.


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

good evening doobie
From your other posts it sounds like you are not in a happy healthy sexual relationship so maybe talking dirty isn't just a bit of fun spice in your lovemaking but is part of the underlying problems.

I completely agree with you that I find some words inherently offensive and really wouldn't be able to say them except maybe as part of real role-playing.

I also completely agree and have nothing against prostitutes other sex workers. They have every right to do as they wish with their bodies. While I have no desire to purchase their services, I would be happy to have a prostitute as a friend.





doobie said:


> I find it dreadfully difficult to talk dirty in the way in which my husband enjoys - I just get really self-conscious and feel like I'm acting in a porn film. This is probably because of the type of language he likes me to use - words that I would never normally say. It's just no me and makes me feel like I'm putting on a show. I don't mind talking during sex, but would prefer to be able to use words and terms that I'm more familiar with (for instance, my husband would prefer me to say c**t, rather than p***y). It's not that I feel like a prostitute (and let's get this straight here, there is nothing wrong with prostitutes, they're providing a service and deserve respect for doing so) I just don't feel like me when I use that sort of language. I find the "c" word terribly offensive anyway, whereas it's a word that my H tends to bandy about a bit. I complain every time he uses the word and he has toned down quite a lot.


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