# angry urgency



## sugarbunny (Jul 31, 2013)

I feel an urgency. I feel that I'v given my relationship everything I could and now it's time to be done with it. I'v been married 17 years and have invested a total of 20 years. I'm ready to end it. I cannot tolerated one more broken promise, not one more lie, not one more I need or I want from this man. I look at him and I feel contempt, resentment, disgust, hate, anger. No respect. No trust. I feel relief when he's not around. I feel free and like a weight is lifted off of me when he is not with me. He thinks I'm going through a midlife crisis, premenopausal. My my response to his " If you weren't going through this stage in your life I don't think I could take it" was " It couldn't possibly be that I've had enough of your cra*, that I don't give a ***. It could't possibly be that I don't care anymore. It couldn't possibly be you?


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sugarbunny said:


> I feel an urgency. I feel that I'v given my relationship everything I could and now it's time to be done with it. I'v been married 17 years and have invested a total of 20 years. I'm ready to end it. I cannot tolerated one more broken promise, not one more lie, not one more I need or I want from this man. I look at him and I feel contempt, resentment, disgust, hate, anger. No respect. No trust. I feel relief when he's not around. I feel free and like a weight is lifted off of me when he is not with me. He thinks I'm going through a midlife crisis, premenopausal. My my response to his " If you weren't going through this stage in your life I don't think I could take it" was " It couldn't possibly be that I've had enough of your cra*, that I don't give a ***. It could't possibly be that I don't care anymore. It couldn't possibly be you?




I'll bet that felt good to get that off your chest.


with that said why didn't you just tell him what you wrote here?


and I'll also bet he might be having some of the same feeling your having about you.


takes two to make or break a marriage.


if you feel the way you wrote why not be open with him and say I don't love you and want a divorce.


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## sugarbunny (Jul 31, 2013)

I did. He says I don't mean those hurtful things. Somehow he's convinced himself that I can't live without him. He would dangle our son in front of me when I would kick him out. Last time was a few years ago. Our son was too young to understand what was happening. He chose to leave with his father. My son called me saying he missed me and asked me if "THEY" could come back home. I promised myself I would never put my son in that situation again. At that time he was very attached to his dad because he was a stay at home dad. Not by my choice. He decided he didn't want to work so he didn't. So i got another job to pay for the bills and not to have to deal with him.. Unfortunately my relationship with my son suffered. He's older now. I don't work as much and I spend more time with my son. Unfortunately I have to see more of my husband too. I tried for many years. I asked him to go to counseling I read self help books. I think I did everything I could. I wouldn't know where to start to repair this mess. I don't think there is any fixing it. I don't trust him. I have so much resentment towards him. When I tell him these things he looks at me in disbelief and asks me why i am being so hurtful and abusive. I don't even want to hold a conversation with him I tell him it's wasted breath. It's a broken record. It was my birthday the other day and I asked him why I hadn't gotten a birthday card or call from his father. He said well he might be mad at you. I asked him why and he once again drew me into one of his twilight zone conversations. Anyway he said he was mad because he (my husband ) had told him about they way I was acting and he (my husband) didn't know if we were going to stay together. I told him I don't talk to my family about my marriage problems because I don't want them to hate him. By this time he was raising his voice. I told him his father did realize he was talking to his son that was still the same sorry s.o.b. that he was at the age of 18. My son came into the kitchen at that time and the argument was over. I asked my son why he had come into the kitchen and he said because I heard him yelling at you. Now my son is 13 years old he is 5'10 and weighs 180 lbs. He is a big beautiful boy. My husband is 6'5" . I'm afraid of what could happen. I would like for my husband to go quietly but I doubt it. I am just sick of him and his sick manipulative sociopathic tendencies. WOW . I feel relief for saying those things but i'm also afraid.


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## sugarbunny (Jul 31, 2013)

Yes it felt good. Yes I have told him I want a divorce. He says I don't mean it. I'm going through a phase.. I don't think so. He's going through a phase called denial.


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## CallaLily (Jan 13, 2011)

sugarbunny said:


> Yes it felt good. Yes I have told him I want a divorce. He says I don't mean it. I'm going through a phase.. I don't think so. He's going through a phase called denial.


Present him with separation/divorce papers, then maybe he will feel you are serious.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

He doesn't have to agree.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

sugarbunny said:


> Yes it felt good. Yes I have told him I want a divorce. He says I don't mean it. I'm going through a phase.. I don't think so. He's going through a phase called denial.


What is your main issue?...Infidelity, drugs, alcohol, abuse, lack of sex?

the woodchuck


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## JustSomeGuyWho (Dec 16, 2012)

sugarbunny said:


> I feel an urgency. I feel that I'v given my relationship everything I could and now it's time to be done with it. I'v been married 17 years and have invested a total of 20 years. I'm ready to end it. I cannot tolerated one more broken promise, not one more lie, not one more I need or I want from this man. I look at him and I feel contempt, resentment, disgust, hate, anger. No respect. No trust. I feel relief when he's not around. I feel free and like a weight is lifted off of me when he is not with me. He thinks I'm going through a midlife crisis, premenopausal. My my response to his " If you weren't going through this stage in your life I don't think I could take it" was " It couldn't possibly be that I've had enough of your cra*, that I don't give a ***. It could't possibly be that I don't care anymore. It couldn't possibly be you?


Right there with you except mine is 20 years (23 years invested).


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## sugarbunny (Jul 31, 2013)

at one time or another all of them have been an issue. My main issue now is I've had enough of it all.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sugarbunny said:


> at one time or another all of them have been an issue. My main issue now is I've had enough of it all.


sounds like you hit critical mass. stick a fork in it your done.


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## ET1SSJonota (Dec 25, 2012)

I guess what others are hinting at is, if you're so done, and your feelings towards the whole thing are this toxic, why aren't you divorced already? Or at the VERY least, trial separated? You mention your son like he's the reason, but if you are raising him seeing this dysfunctional of a relationship, I would say he should be a reason that you are ENDING it...


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## Tomara (Jun 19, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> sounds like you hit critical mass. stick a fork in it your done.


I agree with CM if your have that much resentment then get out. Your son is old enough to handle a divorce. Don't allow your feelings to be written off, feel them, deal with them and then act on them.


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

are you trying to convince yourself that it's time to leave? there's a reason why your husband doesn't believe that you will leave. have you threatened to leave before? what in the world is holding you back?


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

When a woman is done...she's done. I know virtually nothing about the fairer sex except that they are pretty much done once they're done.

OP...try to break it to him firmly but calmly. He may be in denial because he loves you.


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## ohno (Jul 11, 2013)

MINUS the 13 year old son and previous separation and paying His way, this sounds A LOT like MY wife when she is in a "hate you" phase. "I told you I hate you that I am done and we are through as a couple". But then there is the "I love you" phase which usually comes after the "hate you" phase by some random period of time not more than a week. That phase goes like, "I really do love you and want to work things out and for us to be a team again." 

I am hoping you are consistent in what you are telling him, sugarbunny. You can tell him either he has to leave or you will leave. The fact that you are still there and papers have not yet been served might give him the idea that things will eventually blow over.


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