# Done!



## MerryMerry (Dec 6, 2009)

So my husband has not worked in over two years. The moment he lost his last job his parents stepped in and have been supporting us each month to pay our bills and food, etc. I immediately went to work to add to that, but my husband has done nothing. I have begged, pleaded, yelled, etc to get him to look for a job but he hasn't and I can't figure out why. I have threatened to leave him but he knows I'm trapped because I don't have the money to start fresh...no money for an apartment, or whatever else I'd need to take care of me and my daughter (she's 20 but still lives at home.) Even my daughter works but he will not. He sleeps late every day because he has migraines and occasional kidney problems. He started his day today at 3pm. I've even said to him that there are people in the working world who get up every day even if they have a migraine...because they have to support their families...take a pill and buck up! I hate living off his parents, but they have money and that's what they've always done for him when he's had problems: throw money at him. I've always had to work hard for a living and am not used to living off someone else, it feels like a leech. Realizing that I can't change him (although I've tried) I need to focus on me and make some decisions. How can I leave if I don't have any money? Do I just tolerate this until I encounter some windfall of cash one day? I can't just sit idly by while he sleeps all day spending his parents money...I hate it. What would you do?


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## intuitionoramiwrong (Mar 18, 2014)

Do you have any family nearby you could go stay with?

Could your daughter and you split rent on an apartment?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

My ex had a lot of issues, one of which was unemployment for about three years, as of D-Day.
I did everything in my power. I supported him, I looked for jobs for him, I helped write cover letters. That didn't work. I threatened, I dragged us to MC. That didn't work. He was diagnosed with severe depression, but his MDs maintained he did not meet the definition of disabled, and that he would benefit from some kind of daily work. Shortly before I found out he was a serial cheater, he admitted to me that he had been lying about his efforts to find a job. He had done nothing. I said I want a divorce and told him I was keeping the house and the kids.

It has been tough financially on me and the kids. But you know what, when I quit supporting him, he managed to find a way to support himself. So can you kick him out and have him go live with Mom and Dad?


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## MerryMerry (Dec 6, 2009)

intuitionoramiwrong said:


> Do you have any family nearby you could go stay with?
> 
> Could your daughter and you split rent on an apartment?


Ideally both would work, except that I just got my realtor's license and am making little money at the moment to split a place with my daughter. I've been invited to move in with parents until I get back on my feet, but they live a few hours away in another state where I don't hold a realtor's license, and know very little about that area to start over in professionally.


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## MerryMerry (Dec 6, 2009)

[QUOTE So can you kick him out and have him go live with Mom and Dad?[/QUOTE]

We would ultimately have to sell the house and split the assets, which would leave me even worse off that I was when I was single (considering we have debt to pay off as well.) His daughter has even talked about moving in with his parents to get away from all the fighting and drama here (that is sad) but he has told me he'll never live with them again. They'll probably put him up in a house somewhere since they have the money...and he'll continue to live off them! Not my concern...what I need to worry about is myself. I don't have anywhere to go or money at the moment. Do I just grin and bear it till then? It's extremely frustrating to co-exist with him.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

No you don't just grin an bare it! 
At this point what kind of a marriage do you have? Who cares if he doesn't want to live with Mom and Dad. Get out, file for separation. Even if you can't afford an attorney you can find the forms on-line and ought to get a one-hour referral appointment with a family law attorney. Look, you either chose to stay for the money, or you leave. Just know you have a choice, just not the ones you want to make.


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