# WW took kids to OMs overnight!, help



## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/life-after-divorce/48602-wife-took-kids-stat-oms-help.html


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Ok, this is my advice and is only that, advice. 

1. Get a notebook and write down all that is going on with specific dates/times, how you found out and exact words if possible. 

BTW - What state do you live in? Are you in a fault state? Even in no-fault states marital fault can still be considered in dividing property and determining custody, just the fault won't be the grounds for the divorce.

2. Talk to your WW and tell her that bringing the kids around OM is not acceptable at this time and it WON'T happen again. You have joint legal and physical custody as long as no court order is in place. You are going to have to stop kissing her a$$ and worrying about the legalites. When no custody order is in place then either parent has FULL veto power over things their children do and don't do and your spouse MUST respect that. You can't control her but you CAN control what your kids do and with whom.

3. If your spouse does not respect your wishes then tell her she won't be spending any time alone with the kids anymore until an agreement is reached. Let her know if this keeps up you will file for SOLE custody and supervised visitation for her. YOU MUST STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR KIDS. You are not doing that right now. You are trying to appease her by letting her do what she wants and then coming here and whining about what she's doing. Put a stop to that. Be agressive!

3. Hire the PI and get the evidence you need for custody and divorce. It is money well spent. Also, tell your WW she needs to move out right now since she is in an affair. Why are you allowing her to stay? If she won't leave on her own, then you require that she pay 1/2 the bills. If she can't and you have to cover them for the sake of the kids (electric, etc) then you keep track of what you have spend and charge it against her share of the settlement.

Now, get busy and kick some a$$ instead of kissing some a$$. Good luck.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I log something everyday and have been. Iowa, no-fault.

I have talked to my WW about OM and she says he is just a friend and they are not doing anything. I know this is BS but she won't fess up. As for controling where the kids are, I can't because during the work day she could be anyplace really. How could I tell her to not spend time alone with the kids? I work and she doesn't. I have to go to work. I am filing for sole custody. I have talked about supervised visitation with the lawyer but don't have any evidence that the court would use to justify it. 

Not sure what a PI could get that I don't have already. If they are in the house with the curtains closed what can be done?
I didn't want my WW to move out because she would take the kids.

I guess I'm a big pvss or something huh?

Legally I feel my hands are tied. Unless someone sees something I am missing.

Please don't give up on me keep beating me until this is over one way or another. I still need help. If I don't understand what you are saying please say it again.

I need to call the mental heath place in town too I think.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I can't recall, did you actually call CPS? Or just think about it?

I'd call them every single time you get a report from one of your kids that this happened.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

No, your wife moves out and the kids stay in the family home. THAT IS THE LAW IN ALL 50 STATES. Courts love to keep the status quo. She leaves, kids stay with you, period. If she tries to take the kids, you go to court and file for custody asking for an order to return the kids to the family home and it will be granted. Also, you need to have a VAR on your person AT ALL TIMES that you are in your wife's presence. Once this starts to get ugly she will accuse you of domestic violence to get a protective order. You will need the VAR to refute her BS story as the court will believe her since she is a woman. So again:

1. You stay, she leaves. Kids stay, she pays child support. If she won't leave then,

2. She pays HALF the bills and whatever she doesn't pay you keep track of and charge against her in the final settlement. 

3. No kids around OM period. This stops NOW. Make it clear that if she takes kids around OM again, you will file for SOLE custody. Use your information in your log as a bargaining chip to let her know she is being WATCHED all the time, at ALL hours of the day/night. 

4. Your WW needs to get a job ASAP. She is free loading off of you. Inform her she has a month to get a job. You give her NO money. How many cars do you own? Tell her unless she gets employed you are selling one of the cars to help pay her share of the bills.

IWTK, YOU NEED TO GET NASTY AND STOP BEING A NICE GUY. Remember, it's all business. Literally right now as I am typing, my STBXW rang my phone with a sob story about her bad day. I told her sorry you are feeling that way and politely excused myself from the phone call. 

YOUR WW CHOSE THE PATH SHE IS ON BY BEING WITH OM. You stand your ground and keep your self respect by kicking her cheating a$$ out! No emotion, just business.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

lamaga said:


> I can't recall, did you actually call CPS? Or just think about it?
> 
> I'd call them every single time you get a report from one of your kids that this happened.


Agreed. He keeps avoiding this for some reason.

I find that very questionable. How does a father allow another man to see his children undressed at his home and do nothing?

There is no way CPS would not engage this in an emergency mode.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Yes. Answer this one question. Why have you not called CPS? No more information needs to be provided. Just answer that one question.


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## Traggy (Jan 26, 2012)

I am seriously disappointed you haven't done anything about this yet besides write in a notebook.

Come on and man up. All I hear are excuses to not take action. Call CPS, refuse to allow the children around the guy, get your a$$ a lawyer and find out what you can do, take her to court, beat the hell out of the guy.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I called the cops and asked if WW was breaking any laws and was told "no, but it is weird". I then called CPS and they would not tell me anything. They would file a report for review but that is it.

I have not filed the report with CPS because it is basically my word against WW right now. Also CPS showing up at my house doesn't seem like a good thing for the kids. Maybe I'm off base on this.

My lawyer doesn't give me good direction. That is why I am asking here.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

File the report with CPS. It is not just your word against WW. They are trained to talk to children about such things. And CPS showing up at your house is going to be a lot less traumatic for your kids than having to undress at the behest of a strange man.

The fact that you have not done this already just boggles my mind. You have missed several weeks worth of opportunity to establish a recorded, documented pattern of behavior with CPS.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> I called the cops and asked if WW was breaking any laws and was told "no, but it is weird". I then called CPS and they would not tell me anything. They would file a report for review but that is it.
> 
> I have not filed the report with CPS because it is basically my word against WW right now. Also CPS showing up at my house doesn't seem like a good thing for the kids. Maybe I'm off base on this.
> 
> My lawyer doesn't give me good direction. That is why I am asking here.


They told you to file a report. It is their job to investiagte. You don't care whether it is your word against theirs. What is wrong with your word? 

You have wasted much time. Your chidlren are counting on you.

I would have no fear where protecting children are concerned. I would do everything legally possible. But at the end of the day, I would sacrifice myself for my children if all else fails. No question. This should not be required but this predator should realize that your instinct to protect your children far exceeds his instinct to prey on them. Such a man should be terrified to touch your children. But again you are not doing the things you should with urgency to deal with this in a socially acceptable way. 

Your children are 3 and 5. As their father it is your moral imperative above all else to defend them as they are unable to defend themselves. Nothing and I mean nothing is more important. They expect this from you. Stop letting them down.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

I feel bad for you I really do, but in all honesty stop trolling the forums if you aren't going to do the proper things suggested to you time and time again. Seriously.

It really doesn't matter who she is dating and what she is doing personally with this OM. What really matters are your children, so either do what is right for them and man up or come to terms with what's going on and move on in your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

WW just called to ask if she could go to the mall of america in MN from IA right now. I told her I didn't think that was a good idea. I also mentioned that I got the letter about her wanting to go on vacation at the end of the month. So she said "I can't go on a trip with my daughter?" I said I can go and she said she doesn't want to go with me. She said that I can't leave the county anymore either than. I said fine. She asked about the trip at the end of the month and I said I won't sign. She said FU and hung up.

E-mailed my lawyer too.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

And once again you are dodging the question at hand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

What question?


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Traggy said:


> I am seriously disappointed you haven't done anything about this yet besides write in a notebook.
> 
> Come on and man up. All I hear are excuses to not take action. Call CPS, refuse to allow the children around the guy, get your a$$ a lawyer and find out what you can do, take her to court, beat the hell out of the guy.





I want the kids! said:


> I called the cops and asked if WW was breaking any laws and was told "no, but it is weird". I then called CPS and they would not tell me anything. They would file a report for review but that is it.
> 
> I have not filed the report with CPS because it is basically my word against WW right now. Also CPS showing up at my house doesn't seem like a good thing for the kids. Maybe I'm off base on this.
> 
> My lawyer doesn't give me good direction. That is why I am asking here.





lamaga said:


> File the report with CPS. It is not just your word against WW. They are trained to talk to children about such things. And CPS showing up at your house is going to be a lot less traumatic for your kids than having to undress at the behest of a strange man.
> 
> The fact that you have not done this already just boggles my mind. You have missed several weeks worth of opportunity to establish a recorded, documented pattern of behavior with CPS.





Entropy3000 said:


> They told you to file a report. It is their job to investiagte. You don't care whether it is your word against theirs. What is wrong with your word?
> 
> You have wasted much time. Your chidlren are counting on you.
> 
> ...


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

I feel retarded.

In another post from my past I was told not to call CPS. I can't find that post right now but it made since at the time.

I do still need help and appreciate you guys trying to make me see the light. After the call I just had I am so scared she won't bring the kids home tonight.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

Then that can be used against her at a later time. If she does show up do not start anything with her, if she seems to want to, distance yourself emotionally and tell her you do not want to discuss anything at this time. If she starts to go off, let her, not your problem.

You call protective services and you do not ask there opinion, you file your complaint.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Good, you are now standing up to your WW. She is getting angry which is what is supposed to happen. She needs to understand that status quo around your house is no longer acceptable.

Stop fearing the legal system and do the right thing. The rest will fall into place. Several people above are asking you why you didn't call CPS. Get on the phone RIGHT AFTER YOU READ THIS and make the report. Let them come to your house. STOP making excuses for your WW behavior. That is why your situation keeps escalating because YOU are telling your WW that her behavior is acceptable. 

You are being a pushover and that is probably what destroyed your marriage. Yes, it's your WW's fault for cheating but you need to take a look in the mirror and get rid of the nice guy syndrome.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Record the calls.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

CPS is closed for the night. I'll call tomorrow.

My WW has tried to call me twice at work and once on my cell but since I am at work I missed the calls. I am scared to call her back but I will before I leave.

I'll sign out for now but should be able to check in later tonight. Tomorrow for sure if I come to work.

Thanks,


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Good for making the call. I hope to see an update tomorrow about a report being made and then another update after the case worker came by and did an interview. What you are doing right now is creating a paper trail and is the first step in getting what you want which is sole custody of your kids.

Next, you are going to need to have a VAR on your person at all times. I cannot stress this enough. As things heat up expect your WW to accuse you of domestic violence so she can get a restraining order and de facto custody of the kids with you paying all the bills. Be on the lookout for this. If the conversation starts to get heated, then walk away and leave for awhile if you must. Your WW has a HUGE sense of entitlement so as you take the candy away, expect a very hostile reaction like you saw earlier. 

In all things stand your ground and protect your children. You protect your children by taking the necessary financial and legal steps to separate your WW from her good life that you have given her. You also need to have the talk about her moving out or her paying 1/2 the bills. Remember, VAR on your person and I would even let her know you have one so she won't even be tempted to try anything silly. If possible have a friend with you when you have the conversation and do it in a public place.

Remember, you want to get your WW reacting to you and not the other way around like it has been. The point behind all this is to force her to the negotiating table and get the marriage over with if that is your desire. She needs to be reacting to you so you can get the best settlement possible.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Also save all emails, change all your email passwords, all passwords to Facebook, etc. 
If you can sign up for a service that records phone calls and record every one of them. Save all texts and forward them to your email or do screen shots and save them. 
Good for you for calling DFS. I feel bad for your kids. And for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Also do you know his name? If so create a fake Facebook account as a cute chick. Start friending people, create a character and pretend she's into nudity. Have her "like" things that the other nudists like and have her join nudist groups. 
Then send him a friend request. 
Well if he has his Facebook account public you don't need to do any of that actually. But if he has it on private friend him and start doing screen shots of everything: him saying who he's in a relationship with, that he likes nudity, anything that corroborates his identity in the real world like birthday, home town, schools gone to, etc. 
You never know what you might find.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Also start googling him and see what you find. Anything related to nudity, make screen shots, you can also see if your state has court records online and search him. Search the paper with his name. Start building a case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Sorry for triple posting but search the sex offenders list too. Even of he just has a public nudity charge he will show up.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

And in case you're still wondering...

CALL CPS.

You've got like 10 people telling you to file a report versus 1 person who told you no to. We win. CPS will investigate the entire situation. It won't be your word against hers. It will be their findings. Don't be afraid. You are no fighting for your children. Do what a father should do, protect them at all costs.

Superman only made it look easy.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Exactly! I can't imagine what kind of man feels comfortable in this day and age with anyone's kid being naked in their house. He sounds like a total creep!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

IWTK,
I forgot to mention, you need to blow the lid off this affair as well. You need to tell EVERYONE she knows such as her family, etc. You need to find out who this guy is and expose him as well. Are you and your wife Christians? If so you need to confront her according to what is written in Matthew chapter 18. If she won't listen to you let her know you are getting 2-3 witnesses and then going in front of the Church. Inform Church leadership as well if you go about her adulterous behavior. If she doesn't repent she will be excommunicated. So here's your checklist of things to do ASAP:

1. Buy a VAR and demand she moves out. No money or other creature comforts. No car either because you REFUSE to pay for gas. If the kids need something, YOU go get it. If she doesn't move out, ALL money is cut off to her and you cut off her cell phone. Cut the internet/cable TV off during the day as well. If you need to know how to do this, just ask. 

2. She has 1 month to get a job and start paying her 1/2 of the bills. You keep track now and deduct the amount from her share of the settlement.

3. You expose the affair FAR AND WIDE to anyone who will listen. Inform friends, family, OM family, etc. 

4. Report to CPS about the nudity stuff. Not okay.

5. YOU file for D RIGHT AWAY. If she has no job, then she has no money for an attorney. She does not answer the D papers YOU WIN BY DEFAULT. Also at the first hearing, known as a pendente lite hearing, you ask for exclusive use of the marital home to the exclusion of your wife. You ask for temporary sole custody of your kids, temporary child support, and orders to prevent her from selling property as well. You may not get all of these but it doesn't hurt to ask. 

6. Record all phone calls and install key logging software for the computer. You let her know her EVERY move is being monitored when she is in the home if she won't get out.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Married in VA said:


> IWTK,
> I forgot to mention, you need to blow the lid off this affair as well. You need to tell EVERYONE she knows such as her family, etc. You need to find out who this guy is and expose him as well. Are you and your wife Christians? If so you need to confront her according to what is written in Matthew chapter 18. If she won't listen to you let her know you are getting 2-3 witnesses and then going in front of the Church. Inform Church leadership as well if you go about her adulterous behavior. If she doesn't repent she will be excommunicated. So here's your checklist of things to do ASAP:
> 
> 1. Buy a VAR and demand she moves out. No money or other creature comforts. No car either because you REFUSE to pay for gas. If the kids need something, YOU go get it. If she doesn't move out, ALL money is cut off to her and you cut off her cell phone. Cut the internet/cable TV off during the day as well. If you need to know how to do this, just ask.
> ...


THIS

Do you really "want the kids" or is it lip service?

Time to put up.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Called and made a report today but the woman said she wasn't sure it was enough to follow through on. She was going to talk to her supervisor and call me back. She did say it will stay in the system for 3 years. I told her that if anything more happens it will be too late. I feel stuck in the "catch 22" phase again.

Also if DHS does anything my wife will start hiding it more and I may never get the evidence I need.

I feel terrible inside but hopefully my kids will be safe.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Well that was quick, they rejected my case.

I told them the guy had takin nude photos of my kids and they rejected it. I told them my kids and WW were over at his house all night nude and they rejected it. I told them about the nude body painting and they rejected it.

WTF!

The only thing they said was maybe the cops would look into the phone picture thing.

I feel real terrible now.

What am I going to do at this point?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> Well that was quick, they rejected my case.
> 
> I told them the guy had takin nude photos of my kids and they rejected it. I told them my kids and WW were over at his house all night nude and they rejected it. I told them about the nude body painting and they rejected it.
> 
> ...


I have dealt with CPS in the past and this is not what happens. They are required to investigate such things. 

So I throw the challenge flag. :redcard:

If you told them your children were telling you this they would be compelled to speak with the children if nothing else.

You have been given excellent advice on the other things you can do to prevent your children from going over there.

I am still not sure why you allow your wife to take your children over to his house.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Entropy3000 said:


> I have dealt with CPS in the past and this is not what happens. They are required to investigate such things.
> 
> So I throw the challenge flag. :redcard:


Trolls come in all shapes and sizes.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

I'm in the "troll" camp, or the "needing a whole lot of attention" camp. Actually, I've been there for a while.

Bogus Bogus Bogosity.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

NO I'm telling the truth! I am not a f'ing troll. I really am here for help.

I feel sick and don't know what to do. Please don't pass me by. I am not lying. I can post the phone number to the office and give you the womans name that I talked to if you want to check.

800-362-2178 Donna Dixson is who I talked to.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Iamaga, not you too.

I am serious!

I am losing everything slowly and you guys think I'm a troll. I've hit bottom.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> NO I'm telling the truth! I am not a f'ing troll. I really am here for help.
> 
> I feel sick and don't know what to do. Please don't pass me by. I am not lying. I can post the phone number to the office and give you the womans name that I talked to if you want to check.
> 
> 800-362-2178 Donna Dixson is who I talked to.


Then getting this on the record is very helpful none the less. It shows that you were willing to work within the system and it failed your children. 

Do not allow your children over that house.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

How can I stop her? She lies and tells me one thing and does another all the time. The way I knew she was lying about the sleep over is I drove over there and took pictures of her car and my daughter told me about it.

Please believe me, I'm not a troll and need help.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Go over to dadsdivorce.com and ask the same question.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Then do like Donna Dixson suggested, call the cops. Tell them a man has been taking nude pictures of your children. Or find out who Donna works for and talk to that person. Don't just stop at the first answer you get, keep going up the chain. Talk to the mayor if you have to. The FBI. Your local newspaper. Make a stink. Someone will eventually listen. Kids get taken by CPS for a lot less than what OM is doing.


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## UpnDown (May 4, 2012)

sandc said:


> Then do like Donna Dixson suggested, call the cops. Tell them a man has been taking nude pictures of your children. Or find out who Donna works for and talk to that person. Don't just stop at the first answer you get, keep going up the chain. Talk to the mayor if you have to. The FBI. Your local newspaper. Make a stink. Someone will eventually listen. Kids get taken by CPS for a lot less than what OM is doing.


If I remember correctly he did call the cops originally and they told him there was nothing they could do. Suggested he call CPS and which he finally did and they also said there is nothing they can do.

Because apparently, wherever he is, grown men can wave there dongs in childrens faces without causing a problem, seeing how he's a 'nudist'.

I think I'm going to try that tactic with my 4 year old and myself on the way to my daughters school today. See what kind of reaction we get.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

I know, I know, something is fishy here. Where I live the SWAT team would have already been there.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Ok so you live in Iowa right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Yes I live in Iowa. The thing is the OM is not nude with the kids. My daughter told me he is wearing shorts as a minimum. I figured the phone pictures would have been enough to get them to do something but it wasn't.

Keko,
I posted over on the dadsdivorce site as you suggested. Hopefully they have some insite that can be used in Iowa.

I have my lawyer looking into US Cellular to see if we can get WW phone or something. Maybe we can capture a nude pic being e-mailed or something? I am really not a troll and that statement really hurt me today. I feel helpless being turned down by DHS and the cops and then for you guys to turn on me too stinks.

I'll keep trying everything anyone has to say and reading and gathering evidence to the best of my ability.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I want the kids! said:


> I have my lawyer looking into US Cellular to see if we can get WW phone or something. Maybe we can capture a nude pic being e-mailed or something?


Do you ever have access to her phone? maybe when she's in the shower? give a quick call your own to get the number faster.


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

"give a quick call your own to get the number faster."

What do you mean here? But really no I don't have access. She hides it or has it on her at all times. She even sleeps with it to get the OMs text all night and all day.

The only way I found out about it is in snooping I found the bill and then the receipt. I do know the number if you think that would help. I found a slip of paper that had "cell password" Writen on it and I tried to log into US CEllulars website but it don't work. Could have been for a different cell or maybe she changed it already??


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

Also she has a POBox now so I don't see what ever she gets in the mail. OM uses a PO box too. He told her to get one.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

UpnDown said:


> If I remember correctly he did call the cops originally and they told him there was nothing they could do. Suggested he call CPS and which he finally did and they also said there is nothing they can do.
> 
> Because apparently, wherever he is, grown men can wave there dongs in childrens faces without causing a problem, seeing how he's a 'nudist'.
> 
> I think I'm going to try that tactic with my 4 year old and myself on the way to my daughters school today. See what kind of reaction we get.


The thing is that he can force their hands if he is willing to do so. Getting this on the record is key. He has started to do that. Having this on record is helpful for when and if he takes more direct intervention. Sorry, he is well with in his rights to protect his children.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> Also she has a POBox now so I don't see what ever she gets in the mail. OM uses a PO box too. He told her to get one.


Look, you know where he lives. You know your children are there. Intervene. Yes the police will be called. So what? Demand your kids not be in his place. You have filed with CPS. Use this.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

I want the kids! said:


> "give a quick call your own to get the number faster."
> 
> What do you mean here? But really no I don't have access. She hides it or has it on her at all times. She even sleeps with it to get the OMs text all night and all day.
> 
> The only way I found out about it is in snooping I found the bill and then the receipt. I do know the number if you think that would help. I found a slip of paper that had "cell password" Writen on it and I tried to log into US CEllulars website but it don't work. Could have been for a different cell or maybe she changed it already??


I meant to give yourself a call to find her new phone number. That would have quicken the process, but you already know the number.

Do you still have that bill or a copy of it? 

Try resetting the password.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

If you can afford it, try another lawyer.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I agree, new lawyer! 
I know what it feels like. My ex has a gf who literally can't drive well enough to get a license. She used to be my friend and I ride with her when she had a permit and I was scared. She has driven my daughter places with just two of them. I have reported both of them to DFS a few times and there is nothing they can do. It came down to my only option was intimidation and it worked. For now. 
Look if you want help I would be happy to do the Facebook snooping for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I want the kids! (Apr 17, 2012)

OM lives at an appartment so I know the building but not the spicific place. I googled the appartment complex today and thought about calling and trying to see if they would tell me which unit is his. I figured I would pretend to want to deliver something etc.


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

IWTK,
You mentioned your wife has no job. Are you paying her cell phone bill? Okay, you tried CPS and the cops and your case does not rise to the standards they desire to prosecute, YET. By starting a paper trail you have taken the necessary first steps in ending this issue. Now:

1. Cut off ALL money to your WW. She gets no money for the cell phone, no money for the PO BOX, no money for gas in the car, no money for TP to wipe her a$$. Close ALL joint accounts and move funds to your new personal account. Don't leave 1/2 the funds in there take ALL of it out. Don't tell her. Let her find out when she tries to buy gas to get to OM's house. 

2. Have "the talk" with your WW about the kids. Be firm but polite. Here is what you say:

"WW (insert name) I am not comfortable with you taking our children around other men at this point in our separation. Most people suggest waiting until at least six months of serious dating before introducing children to other people. You will no longer be able to take the kids to OM's house. If you do, I will not let you take the kids anywhere without me in the future until a court rules on custody and visitation issues."

That will get her attention and she will throw a sh!t fit. She will tell you how you can't do that, how she's gonna get a lawyer, how she's going to take the kids from you while you are working. Expect her to become vitriolic and hateful. This is because you are cutting off her sense of entitlement. Right now your WW thinks she can do what she wants, when she wants because YOU tolerate it and are such a nice guy that you pay all her bills while another dude bangs her. They are in his house with YOUR kids laughing at you. Your kids are LOSING respect for you because you are not protecting them. Time to man up and stop being a baby. You want help, well listen to what I'm saying and TAKE ACTION. 

3. Your wife gets a job ASAP and moves out. Did you have this talk yet. Encourage her to move in with OM. That will KILL their affair because he will realize that she burps, farts, and has ALL SORTS of problems that he doesn't want to deal with. Right now he gets to bang her and send her home. Also her living with OM will prevent her from getting spousal support. 

You have got to man up and take action or you will be a single dad, paying HIGH child and spousal support while your wife lives high on the hog on your dime while banging another guy with SOLE custody of your kids. If that happens then,

I want the kids! = ATM machine for WW FOR LIFE!!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

I want the kids! said:


> OM lives at an appartment so I know the building but not the spicific place. I googled the appartment complex today and thought about calling and trying to see if they would tell me which unit is his. I figured I would pretend to want to deliver something etc.


Wow. Somehow I thought he had a house and your wife and kids were nude in the back yard. I wonder why I thought that?

I am pretty sure I would have known by now who this guys was and where he lived. I would have seen her leaving his place for sure. I probably would have emptied her tires of the air and taken the kids home with me. Or something like that. 

I would have cut her financial support in a way that she was not so free to be driving a car to the OMs house and having her own cell phone account and so on. I suppose the OM could start footing the bils.

But really there are ways to make sure the kids are provided for but that she does not have affair support finances.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Married in VA said:


> IWTK,
> You mentioned your wife has no job. Are you paying her cell phone bill? Okay, you tried CPS and the cops and your case does not rise to the standards they desire to prosecute, YET. By starting a paper trail you have taken the necessary first steps in ending this issue. Now:
> 
> 1. Cut off ALL money to your WW. She gets no money for the cell phone, no money for the PO BOX, no money for gas in the car, no money for TP to wipe her a$$. Close ALL joint accounts and move funds to your new personal account. Don't leave 1/2 the funds in there take ALL of it out. Don't tell her. Let her find out when she tries to buy gas to get to OM's house.
> ...


This is what I am talking about. Married in VA has been providing very good advice. 

Do everything in your power to make this situation difficult for them.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I agree, cut her off financially ASAP. 
She is going to throw a **** fit but what is worse, that or your daughter ending up in therapy and feeling traumatized bc they are naked with him? 
Go to zabasearch and find his address. 
Tell a mandated reporter what is going on: her pediatrician for one. They HAVE to report by law. 
Iowa has am online court search. See if he has a record. 
I already have a fake Facebook account to spy on my ex and his gf to make sure they aren't doing anything to my daughter just in case. 
"she" would fit right in with nudists and lives in an adjoining state. I'm completely serious about this. I feel strongly about protecting kids.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Married in VA (Jan 6, 2012)

Bump

IWTK, where are the updates?


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