# Understanding Groping



## Just Wondering (Dec 20, 2011)

Did you ever have a class or your Boss give's instructions to everyone and after. You have to ask WTF did he say?Well this is about my wife and Groping.We had a set down the other night about the lack of sex.Well she said would I please stop Groping her. So I said I don't understand?? So when you are cuddling don't Grope . She said that why can't I just cuddle.Why do I always have to grab her privates.So I 'am trying to understand in the morning when spooning and cuddeling don't grope.{ don't touch the tits}Just cuddle.So when do you start foreplay??? There must be a order of events that take place???I always thought that Groping leads to sex.So I'am confused Its OK to cuddle,Its ok to spoon,But don't grope.Just hold me.I thought that when you Grope that lets the OP know you are interested in sex??? So for the last few days I cuddle and spoon and don't grope at night and in the morning.And then roll over and get out of bed. And Say Is this what she likes.I walk away horny?So when leaving for work you hug and kiss, But don't Grope??


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

I get the same thing from my wife. Why can't you just hold me? But when does holding stop and sex begin? How do we know when it is ok to go further? I pretty much have to read her mind. If I read it wrong, I am a pervert.

But on the reverse, when she is in the mood. She might hug for 1 minute or less before groping me. I guess she is a better mind reader than me. I have never had to call her a pervert!


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## Mrs. T (Aug 5, 2011)

Ah...what I wouldn't give to be groped a little more often....


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

She stated her wants.

You state yours.

Don't assume that because you *aren't* feeling her up that there *will* be sex. That is a covert contract that won't be filled. You need to clearly initiate sex. 

Start before the bedroom. In a sexy or polite way tell her "tonight". Make your intentions perfectly clear, then follow through at bedtime.

Allow the cuddle time to be non-results oriented. Cuddle with no expectations of sex or groping.

Separate the two activities so both your needs are met.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

Last time I groped my wife, she was furious with me.

In all fairness, I was really going after it. Roaming hands, the whole bit.

I just remember her saying "Do you want us to get thrown out of this supermarket too!?!"


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

What Dean said. Don't stop completely just go slow. What she may mean is that she needs to be warmed up before you get to her privates. 

If you go for the privates before she is ready it may feel like groping. You are ready but she is not. Lean to read her by watching and you will know when she is ready. 

Also give affection that does not lead to sex maybe 1 in 5 times. That may satisfy her need for non-sexual touch. Best to you and your wife.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Mistys dad said:


> Last time I groped my wife, she was furious with me.
> 
> In all fairness, I was really going after it. Roaming hands, the whole bit.
> 
> I just remember her saying "Do you want us to get thrown out of this supermarket too!?!"


Funny!!!


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

I don't like groping either, but I love sex. The problem here is the lack of a good sex life with your wife. How many times a week do you have sex? You need to tell your wife how important a sexual connection is for you--that it is not just physical, but the way that you feel loved.

I hate groping because my nipples are very sensitive. However, when we both are ready to be aroused, touching my breasts is foreplay, and very exciting! So you just have to find the right time. 

Try more non-sexual hugs throughout the day. Kiss your wife passionately and tenderly without grabbing her breasts or genitals. But when the time is right, let her know that you enjoy her breasts. Make sure she is relaxed and ready for your touch, so that it is welcome to her.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> What Dean said. Don't stop completely just go slow. What she may mean is that she needs to be warmed up before you get to her privates.
> 
> If you go for the privates before she is ready it may feel like groping. You are ready but she is not. Lean to read her by watching and you will know when she is ready.
> 
> Also give affection that does not lead to sex maybe 1 in 5 times. That may satisfy her need for non-sexual touch. Best to you and your wife.


Are you saying sex 1 time for every 5 times of affection or the other way around?


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Yeah focus on the other parts of her that you love. For me I love caressing my wife's neck, shoulders and lower back. To me kissing and caressing her in those places in particular is super sexy, and we both love it.

Take your time, you don't time sex like a race or something. It's not like "hey honey we have to orgasm in 20 minutes or less to beat our last record!". Now you may not be thinking quite like that yourself... but she might think you do (and she doesn't want that).


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

wish I could help as my wife complains when I dont grope


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Your wife feels you are treating her like a sexual object. If she does not want to be groped, then you shouldn't grope her. If you want sex, then just verbalize it.


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## Aristotle (Apr 4, 2012)

I have no problem giving my wife what she likes and needs, especially after she has given me what I need. Once she has shown me she cares about my needs, I will return the favor and cuddle and hug her the rest of the night. 

Grope and sex then cuddle and hug. I am a man, I do not want to hug and cuddle until after I have released. Why would men torture themselves this way? We have physical needs. BETA?


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

> *Almostrecovered said *: wish I could help as my wife complains when I dont grope


This is me too....I even told him to step it up, I don't want to feel like the only aggressor in the darn house...he loves it though. 

There was a time in our marraige I pushed my husband away from doing this... I really regret that so very very much. He would come home from work and try to reach in back of me while I was doing the dishes, I don't know what was wrong with me, just too busy-other things in my mind...I sometimes would get irritated with him, this hurt him. 

Those days are history... Groping is a regular part of our day & what I would call the more FUN flirty exchanges we have with each other. 

It is never too much, just gotta lower that around the kids -or at least around the corner of the wall.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I see groping out of nowhere as being a turn off. Women are crockpots not microwaves. If you're in the mood there are other things you can do. Usually kissing will lead to sex for us. It's easy to tell by the kiss if the other person is interested. That's the thing you're just heading to third without even being up at bat.  
I hate it when I'm not in the mood and a man just grabs my parts. Like seriously, if there is no lead up to it it just doesn't feel right.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I grope constantly, I`ve asked the wife and she`s said she`d be worried about my attraction to her if I stopped.

However I don`t have the attitude that it will lead to sex, I don`t have the attitude that ANYTHING will lead to sex.
If I want sex I just do it so I find it hard to understand a lot of these threads.

BUT, to the OP...

I think you`re missing the point.

Your wife wants affection that isn`t sexual, you seem to be equating physical touch with sexual touch and it doesn`t have to work that way .
In fact I think you`re finding that with your wife it doesn`t work that way.

Just hold her and touch her because it`s calming, soothing, and secure, not because it`ll lead to sex.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sorry cuddling and getting a raging hardon and then leaving isn't very fun either!

sounds like a double standard.its ok if your frustrated all day but don't dare touch me.

what some wives fail to understand is that cuddling and rubbing next to a beautifull women make things pop up. and we have trouble not answering to captian willy.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

chillymorn said:


> sorry cuddling and getting a raging hardon and then leaving isn't very fun either!
> 
> sounds like a double standard.its ok if your frustrated all day but don't dare touch me.
> 
> what some wives fail to understand is that cuddling and rubbing next to a beautifull women make things pop up. and we have trouble not answering to captian willy.


I understand the point but unless you`re in a sexless marriage this is actually better for the sex life.

I`ll spend a couple of days intimately touching my wife without sex and yes often I want it pretty bad.
When we do have sex those couple of days of frustration come out in passion and to my mind make the sex better.

If you`re getting it a couple-three times a week I think a man can not only handle it but make it an improvement in the sex department.

Now, I understand I`m not in a sexless marriage so this concept isn`t going to be helpful to those who are.

If I knew how to help that situation I`d be rich.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

SadSamIAm said:


> Are you saying sex 1 time for every 5 times of affection or the other way around?


No the other way around. It is only a suggested number. But why confine the touch to the bed or home, or to cuddling? 

Did you ever notice that couples touch a great deal in the early stages of the relationship? They hold hands, hug, stand close touching and sit close. 

I can tell when people have been together for a long time, they don't touch or stand close. The only touch may be sexual. 

That may present problems for the person who needs more than sexual touch. My husband and I hold hands when we go out walking, he guides me by holding my shoulders or waist when we are in a crowd, we touch when we are out at parties, or in a group standing around. 

We touch a lot when we are together. We sit together in the evening and sometimes when we are watching on TV he lays on my lap and I stroke his hair.

My husband was not affectionate when we first got married. He was when we dated then it slowly decreased until we only touched during sex. 

That was not enough for me. I needed more so, I told him. I asked nicely because he had no way of knowing what I needed. He changed for me. Now he says he needs it as much as I.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> She stated her wants.
> 
> You state yours.
> 
> ...


I agree with everything that you said except the planning part. I don't like to plan sex. Just the idea of it turns me off. If a guy wants to plan sex ok but don't plan it with me. Do it yourself without my knowledge. But that's my preference. 

But definitely cuddle time should be separate from sex time. He should learn to pick up the ques so he knows to tell the difference in what she wants.


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

I am not sure who a lot of people on here are get married to,but I love grabbing my wife's butt at home and and she loves it also,there is nothing like her nice soft behind and its just getting better in the front,I could not live with a stuffy wife that does not like being touched.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

The planning would be a good idea in his case. 

By cleary initiating sex prior to the bedroom, there won't be any confusion about cuddle/groping when they are there.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

dubbizle said:


> I am not sure who a lot of people on here are get married to,but I love grabbing my wife's butt at home and and she loves it also,there is nothing like her nice soft behind and its just getting better in the front,I could not live with a stuffy wife that does not like being touched.


If your wife did not like you grabbing her body parts then you would have to stop and stop with no rancor. You both like it so tgats good. However, when or if she stops liking you will need to stop. 

Deciding when and how one wants to be touched is stuffy? Funny these judgements of women for expressing something as simple as a preference. Just because you want to touch does not give you the right to touch. 

In my opinion men like you are crude, unsophisticated frat boys. That is my personal opinion and i would never say it as if anyone else should feel the same. 

If your wife likes you then consider yourself fortunate don't make judgments about people who have a more refined approach to their relationship. 

Contrary to your view of the universe, women have a right to express a preference and to have it honored without being considered flawed.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

She doesn't have to allow me to grope. And I don't have to cuddle without it. Fair is fair. And neither gets what they really want because neither has to compromise.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> If your wife did not like you grabbing her body parts then you would have to stop and stop with no rancor. You both like it so tgats good. However, when or if she stops liking you will need to stop.
> 
> Deciding when and how one wants to be touched is stuffy? Funny these judgements of women for expressing something as simple as a preference. Just because you want to touch does not give you the right to touch.
> 
> ...


why would a wife with your mentality marry a frat guy?

she should have looked for a more refined guy to begin with. don't ya think.

I know people change and mature or dose the real person come out after marriage? hoping he willl get with the program


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## Jeff/BC (Apr 1, 2012)

I grope Carol constantly. Heck, I don't even see cupping a breast while spooning as "groping". I doubt she does either. That being said, groping does not mean "sex next" in our house. It's just a friendly little pawing most of the time.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

I have another complaint. I don't think that a husband touching his wife's goodies is grouping. That's sexual assult by a stranger. I think we need to be careful what we say why accuse a good man with a crime? Does such a negative concept have a place in an intimate reationship between people who love each other? 

To me, grouping is a sexual assault from a stranger. Asking to be touched in an agreeable way is loving communication. Saying he is grouping is victim speak. 

It's reasonable to say "honey i'd love if you ... when we ..." Saying "stop grouping me" is wrong and hostile. I can see why men who posted hostile responses did so. 

Good men abhor victimizing women. Just don't go there ladies. She'll be fortunate if he ever feels comfortable to touch her again. 

OP in thinking further, i understand why you are upset. I think you have a right to be. I think you should speak with your wife from a position of strength and leadership. 

She may not agree with you at first but just say what you need to say calmly and if she objects just be lovingly insistent about your feelings. Ask her if she feels you have ever done anything to intensionally hurt her. Let her think about it.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Ok, who hacked Catherine's account?


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Ok, who hacked Catherine's account?


Hey I can change my mind. That's why I am here to exchange ideas and listen to other points of view. Many times they are right and i am wrong. When ever that happens I say so. I thought that's what this is about. :/


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)




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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Ideally touching is a postive thing for spouses. Ideally the touching has many nuances and not just confined to one area or another.

I enjoy spooning with my wife and sometimes that means I am cupping her breast and sometimes not. I like touching her when we are close. I do try to vary what that is. I often give her behind a caress. I like that a lot. She seems to enjoy it most of the time as well. I am better at judging those times than I used to be. I enjoy caressing her whole body.

Some women seem proud that their hubbys can't keep their hands off of them. Others ... not so much. Sometimes things can be more sensitive than at other times. Ok fine. 

I do think this level of touching indicates a good vibe between the couple. It should happen at times when there is no expectation of sex ... and when there is. It's all foreplay for whenever the next opportunity arises. That said, sometimes touching can turn into something spontaneous. But FWIW I enjoy touching my wife and feel it is a way of showing affection.

I get what people mean by being groped but Catherine is right. The term itself is a tad hurtful.

Groping - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Groping has a bad connotation of molestation.

I see how folks use it to mean unwanted touching and / or grabbing. To me touching is a form of communication as much as anything else. It is not just communicating hey I am horny ... but sometimes I guess it is.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Entropy3000 said:


> It's all foreplay for whenever the next opportunity arises.


This is a good way for a lot of guys to think of it.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Hicks said:


> Your wife feels you are treating her like a sexual object. If she does not want to be groped, then you shouldn't grope her. If you want sex, then just verbalize it.


I have this problem with my man... sometimes I just want to cuddle but him groping me constantly makes me feel like.. above statement... which can be a turn off and very irritating.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Gaia said:


> I have this problem with my man... sometimes I just want to cuddle but him groping me constantly makes me feel like.. above statement... which can be a turn off and very irritating.


He is telling you that he finds you very attractive. He is expressing it in a way that he would feel comfortable with, raw and strait forward. There is nothing wrong with that some men and woman like it and some don't. 

That is where communication comes in. It is a common difference between some men and woman. It is equally as common to have to find a good way to deal with it. 

Women look for that kind of affirmation all the time and you got it. Now you have to work to get him to express his attraction in a way that makes you both feel good.

Since it is a compliment, please don't be angry or annoyed with him. That will hurt and confuse him and he may carry resentment. 

He may think he is giving you what you want. The best thing for your relationship is to step around in his shoes and figure out what and how to tell him. 

Tell him what would make you feel attractive to him. Let him know you welcome his expression of attraction but in a toned-down fashion.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> No the other way around. It is only a suggested number. But why confine the touch to the bed or home, or to cuddling?
> 
> Did you ever notice that couples touch a great deal in the early stages of the relationship? They hold hands, hug, stand close touching and sit close.
> 
> ...


I know the actual number above isn't important, but the amount of rejection is. Like many men, my main 'love language' is intimacy (sex) and touch. 

Our situation is I touch, hug, etc. (both in bed and out). She either accepts it or rejects it. When the touching, hugging in bed gets to a certain point, I may get aroused. Sometimes it is obvious that she is also getting aroused and wants to be close and that is perfect. Sometimes, I can't tell. If I go too far she will most often reject me (from 4 out of 5 times). I get the comment, "We just made love five days ago!"

My problem is that my love bank is empty. When she rejects me it is a withdrawal. When we actually make love, it isn't really a deposit, because she has made it clear (through the rejections) she is doing it because of obligation, not because of her desire for me or because of her love for me and her wanting me to be happy. The only time I feel loved is when I 'knock her socks' off. Often after the session, she will talk about how great it was and how we need to do it more often. Problem is that it is only talk.

The difference between your marriage and mine is that your husband responded out of love when you told him your needs. My wife has shown that she either doesn't believe my needs are real or just doesn't care.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> He is telling you that he finds you very attractive. He is expressing it in a way that he would feel comfortable with, raw and strait forward. There is nothing wrong with that some men and woman like it and some don't.
> 
> That is where communication comes in. It is a common difference between some men and woman. It is equally as common to have to find a good way to deal with it.
> 
> ...



lol I've already outright told him that it annoys me and it's a turn off... he up and does it anyways later one that day. Of course i only seem to feel this way when preggy... which he has been through three times(including now) already... and like I've told him before... "Hey this is the much needed break you were asking for ..." Of course whenever i say that.. he responds with.... "I wish I never said that..." lol. Lately he has been better with this... since I told him if I felt I wanted to be touched or shown affection... I'd initiate it for the amount of time I feel comfortable... (which lately has been less and less since the kicking in the ribs, stomach, and bladder tend to prevent me from feeling very comfy most of the time) but he's been pretty good with it. As far as resentment... I've never seen or heard him express any in that area... Of course I do know it is probably hard to go from.. getting it multiple times a day to suddenly going months without it (during the pregnancy and a bit after) but like I said.. he's been pretty respectful... micheivous perhaps... but still respectful.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Hmmmm, I don't mind being groped by my husband. He is the man I am married to and we are sexually comfortable with each other. When I am groped by my hubby, I know that he thinks I am so hot that he can't keep his hands off me. What is so crass about that? 

Perhaps I would feel differently if I did not receive any hugs or kisses. 

Every woman is different. If your wife does not feel loved when you grope her, don't do it. Respect her boundaries.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Gaia you and your husband sound fine. I get your sense of humor about the touching.


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

I wasn't saying we weren't fine in that area but I am sorry if it came across that way. It's other areas we need to work on and are working on.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Why can't you just hold me? Why can't we just cuddle? What did you do with the nookie I gave you last year?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

unbelievable said:


> Why can't you just hold me? Why can't we just cuddle? What did you do with the nookie I gave you last year?


:lol:


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## Lostinlove82794 (May 2, 2012)

I like it when my husband starts by coming up behind me while I am cooking supper and softly puts his arms around me, kissing the crease of where my neck and shoulder meets. It makes me melt, very weak in the knees. After he has done this I am ALL his for groping. With me, and I think a lot of women, as long as you start slow (as others have mentioned) she will let the groping happen. Maybe not ... just my two cents. Softer, slower touching of the areas you like to touch on your wife is probably what she wants.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Ari,
I really think this is about two things:
- pacing
- desired outcome

As for pacing, I will describe me and my W. 
Me: I don't like a super fast/no foreplay approach. If my W walked up to me and with no warm up at all grabbed my tool, that would not be a turn on. I need some warm up first. Sitting on the couch if she rubs the inside of my thigh in a certain way that gets me going really well. Kissing is a great igniter for me also
Her: same deal - and her butt and breasts are not places to "start" but kissing, thighs, etc. work great

If you pace it right your partner gets hotter and hotter. If you rush them it is like trying to go directly into 3rd gear on a manual transmission car, you may stall the engine.

As for desired outcome there are nights your LD partner wants you to accept that they are LD. That acceptance is shown by sticking with non sexual affection and not trying to turn it into sex. If you insist in turning all contact into the path to immediate sex, you end up with a very resentful LD partner who may often not want to be touched at all.

I posted this in another thread but will repeat. The HD partner is perfectly within their rights to insist the LD spouse not tease them and then shut them down.

I happily spoon my wife without a sexual outcome many nights. But if she touches me sexually, we are ON and she knows that.


TE=Aristotle;715300]I have no problem giving my wife what she likes and needs, especially after she has given me what I need. Once she has shown me she cares about my needs, I will return the favor and cuddle and hug her the rest of the night. 

Grope and sex then cuddle and hug. I am a man, I do not want to hug and cuddle until after I have released. Why would men torture themselves this way? We have physical needs. BETA?[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Lostinlove82794 said:


> I like it when my husband starts by coming up behind me while I am cooking supper and softly puts his arms around me, kissing the crease of where my neck and shoulder meets. It makes me melt, very weak in the knees. After he has done this I am ALL his for groping. With me, and I think a lot of women, as long as you start slow (as others have mentioned) she will let the groping happen. Maybe not ... just my two cents. Softer, slower touching of the areas you like to touch on your wife is probably what she wants.


Yep I do that all the time, and there's indeed something very intimate and beautiful about it.

A little kiss on the neck after gently sweeping away the hair from the back of her neck never hurt either.

For me a lot of touching is just little things. It's a caress on the back of the neck or lower back just with my fingertips.

It can be gentle stroke of my hand from her shoulders all the way down her arm (during warmer months).

When watching something together it can be just gently stroking the middle of her thigh with my thumb while we sit side by side.

Or running the back of my fingers across her cheek while we stare into each other's eyes after a loving little kiss.

Any wife who rejects that type of affection... well I think there should be some therapy in her future. Maybe I'm alone in that thought.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

I guess some would consider me a groper.
When I spontaneously hug my wife in the kitchen, I usually pat or rub her butt. Just for a second or two. When we spoon and snuggle in the bed before we go to sleep and after we wake up, My hands are usually on her butt or breasts. Often I will kiss her breasts. Sometimes I bite her butt playfully right as we are getting out of bed. Usually when we snuggle, she is giving me a hand job as well. Not to finish, but to just wind me up for later.
She doesn't mind. She loves it that I think that she is so damn sexy that I can't keep my hands off of her.
I seldom touch her between the legs during these times because that is THE signal from me that I want to go all the way.
I am not a morning or before sleep lover and neither is she. We are lunchtime people because we have the house to ourselves.


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## MrsKy (May 5, 2012)

DanF said:


> I guess some would consider me a groper.
> When I spontaneously hug my wife in the kitchen, I usually pat or rub her butt. Just for a second or two. When we spoon and snuggle in the bed before we go to sleep and after we wake up, My hands are usually on her butt or breasts. Often I will kiss her breasts. Sometimes I bite her butt playfully right as we are getting out of bed. Usually when we snuggle, she is giving me a hand job as well. Not to finish, but to just wind me up for later.
> She doesn't mind. She loves it that I think that she is so damn sexy that I can't keep my hands off of her.
> I seldom touch her between the legs during these times because that is THE signal from me that I want to go all the way.
> I am not a morning or before sleep lover and neither is she. We are lunchtime people because we have the house to ourselves.


:iagree: Afternoon delight!
You touch your wife like my husband touches me. He loves my butt.


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