# When it’s easier for some to believe I’m crazy because my stbx couldn’t possibly have cheated on me



## Bcause (5 mo ago)

So my family are strongly supporting me after my DDay, except one brother and wife who we shared a summer home with for 10 years. They find it easier to believe that I had a chemical imbalance and went crazy. No room in their mind that what I am saying could be true. This is so hurtful to me. I know my stbx fooled me for years and understand he did them too, it feels like they are condoning his abuse.


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## Bulfrog1987 (Oct 8, 2021)

You have to let other people believe what they’re going to believe. If you try to make them see, you’re just giving them power to label you unstable and see, you did have an imbalance or whatever. Take your report card away from them, they don’t get to grade you.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

Knock their soap box out from under them.
Distance them. Move on.
If there are any amends to be made, let them make them.


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## Megaforce (Nov 12, 2021)

Worst thing one can do in these situations is to advocate and try to convince folks. Just state the facts once, confidently and do not mention it again.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

I'm so sorry you find yourself in this situation. I'm sure the response from your brother & SIL feels like an additional betrayal. At this point, time & distance are your best options. Just stay away from them. Stop talking to them. I am not saying cut them off. Don't be mean. Just pull back. Let your calm actions as you divorce with public dignity refute any possibility that your alleged "chemical imbalance" was the cause.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

One person in my family did the same. And the solution is you cut them out for however long it takes. In my case it was years before that relationship mostly normalized and it still isn’t the same as it once was but it works better now than it did.


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## AVR1962 (May 30, 2012)

Others will make so many assumptions. Just because someone else sees something differently does not mean it did or did not exist. Only you know what was between the two of you. I have learned it is best not to tell others much about your personal life as then they feel entitled to express themselves in ways that could be damaging as they are only coming for their personal point of view.


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## Bcause (5 mo ago)

Thank you all, I have been trying to do as you say. I was triggered when my stbx posted that love should be unconditional and sil liked it. I have him blocked but a friend sent it to me. Unconditional is a big word to use when betrayed in so many ways. It is not safe. They are perpetuating the idea I’m crazy. Which I have proof I’m not.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Bcause said:


> Thank you all, I have been trying to do as you say. I was triggered when my stbx posted that love should be unconditional and sil liked it. I have him blocked but a friend sent it to me. Unconditional is a big word to use when betrayed in so many ways. It is not safe. They are perpetuating the idea I’m crazy. Which I have proof I’m not.


What he means is he should be loved unconditionally. I doubt those terms would apply to you were the situation reversed. Sadly, when things like this happens, people choose sides. You’ll lose some people. But in truth, if they advocate for his behavior, what have you really lost?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

They condone his cheating and you should put up with it? No. You should not.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

Bcause said:


> Thank you all, I have been trying to do as you say. I was triggered when my stbx posted that love should be unconditional and sil liked it. I have him blocked but a friend sent it to me. Unconditional is a big word to use when betrayed in so many ways. It is not safe. They are perpetuating the idea I’m crazy. Which I have proof I’m not.


Perhaps it would be best to cut them off too. If they’d rather believe your ex over you, then good riddance to bad rubbish, I’d say. You would be cutting off a few extra pounds of deadweight.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Bcause said:


> I was triggered when my stbx posted that love should be unconditional and sil liked it.


Unconditional love is a fake thing. If your SIL believes it to be true, she would love her husband even if she learned that he has been molesting her children since they were young. A sane person always has conditions.


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## Bcause (5 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> What he means is he should be loved unconditionally. I doubt those terms would apply to you were the situation reversed. Sadly, when things like this happens, people choose sides. You’ll lose some people. But in truth, if they advocate for his behavior, what have you really lost?


Good perspective and true


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Bcause said:


> So my family are strongly supporting me after my DDay, except one brother and wife who we shared a summer home with for 10 years. They find it easier to believe that I had a chemical imbalance and went crazy. No room in their mind that what I am saying could be true. This is so hurtful to me. I know my stbx fooled me for years and understand he did them too, it feels like they are condoning his abuse.


Secure and backup your evidence of his misdeeds.

It's very common for cheaters especially entitled or narcissistic ones to build up a case against you even while the affair is going on. He may have been elevating himself in their minds for years while running you down to them.

Expose his affairs to the spouses or SOs of his affair partners.

How ugly of him to not only cheat on you but convince others that you have a chemical imbalance.


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## Bcause (5 mo ago)

TAMAT said:


> Secure and backup your evidence of his misdeeds.
> 
> It's very common for cheaters especially entitled or narcissistic ones to build up a case against you even while the affair is going on. He may have been elevating himself in their minds for years while running you down to them.
> 
> ...


Indeed I reminded my brother of a time at a concert we all went to when my stbx moved and sat 2 rows up with 3 women and had his arms around one laugh and giggling. This happened many times we went out. I believe he knew thwm and took pleasure to be doing it infeint of all of us.


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