# [B]This can't be happening!!![B]



## beachbabe (May 11, 2012)

I'm hesitate to say this cause I can hear what's coming but I have to know if I'm hearing this right!

" *I'm sick of this crap. I want to be a good person for me...feels like you push me not to be" ????*

What the hell does that mean???? My H said this to me this morning when I told him the firewall was taken off my computer and he was the last one on it. I didn't know what it means but my computer was all screwed up. 
(He goes on my Facebook because he doesn't have his own anymore because he cheated on me with it.)

I had a sinking feeling that he will blame me for cheating again...it just feels that way, by the way he worded it. 
He has been great up to now, but I think he's tired of me always looking for 'things'...


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

So he did not deny messing with your computer? That's what I get out of his words.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

beachbabe said:


> I'm hesitate to say this cause I can hear what's coming but I have to know if I'm hearing this right!
> 
> " *I'm sick of this crap. I want to be a good person for me...feels like you push me not to be" ????*
> 
> ...


*Firewalls can be taken out by some viruses/trojans. *


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

Sounds as if your situation is still raw - to be expected. 
How long ago was D-day? 
I guess he thought you were accusing him of something and he is also resenting the freedom he has lost such as FB etc. Try to pick a good time when you are both relaxed and calmly say what you said here - that he has been great up to now. But then explain (without shouting or getting angry) how bad you hurt and still do which is why you do still look for things. The computer thing was possibly a trigger for you because you found him out on Facebook. Explain triggers to him. Finish by saying he will just have to understand that this will happen now and then as you heal. 
You are clearly upset and angry and you have every right. However remember that if we lower the tone of our voice and speak slowly and quietly, the other person is much more likely to listen and take us seriously.


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Well, for the record, it is never fun in a relationship with someone who openly distrusts you, checks up on you, and questions (seemingly) your every move. Of course since he cheated on you, he has to just accept some of that to a degree.

Ultimately you need to reach a point where you can actively choose to trust him again. To truly forgive him for his past transgression and choose to move forward without spying or questioning him unless some really clear and obvious red flags pop up.

The reality is that you can't control him. If he wants to cheat on you, he will find a way to do so, and your snooping and questioning won't slow him down in that pursuit for long. So while it is understandable for a little while, you really need to reach a point where you let it go. If it goes on for too long, all it is going to do is push him further away, feeling rejected, like there is no hope that you'll ever truly forgive & move on.

With all of that said, I think the firewall is ok to question. It could totally be something innocent like a virus or software update that reset it, in which case it's fair to just ask if he knows why it got deactivated by chance and ask him to reconfigure it, without any hint in your voice of an accusation.


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