# I think I'm almost there - Why this is a great forum



## rebootingnow (May 3, 2011)

Doing an 180 is hard. Realizing how many fitness tests I've failed is a bit depressing. But I think things are starting to gel. I've been able to lay down some boundaries and stop a nag fest from happening a couple of times in a positive way. But I still fail some fitness test, which are much more often than I ever realized. As I said, its hard. But I the fact that I can see this is a fitness test is awe inspiring. I can think for a moment and decide how I want to react that mirrors my re-found Ethos.

The biggest challenge has been to figure out the "Now what?", but it gets a little bit easier each day to figure that out. I am in a state where I can see the mistake much clearer than ever. I was the Nice Guy (And insanely passive aggressive) for most (ALL) of my marriage. I realize I changed so much for my marriage and even though for the right reasons it was the wrong thing to do. 

I had been lurking, and now posting for over a month and I wanted to thank everyone for so much valuable information and support. 

I guess I should of posted elsewhere, but the ladies can to come in here if they want the kudos. 

Joe


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Posts like yours make my day.



rebootingnow said:


> Doing an 180 is hard. Realizing how many fitness tests I've failed is a bit depressing. But I think things are starting to gel. I've been able to lay down some boundaries and stop a nag fest from happening a couple of times in a positive way. But I still fail some fitness test, which are much more often than I ever realized. As I said, its hard. But I the fact that I can see this is a fitness test is awe inspiring. I can think for a moment and decide how I want to react that mirrors my re-found Ethos.
> 
> The biggest challenge has been to figure out the "Now what?", but it gets a little bit easier each day to figure that out. I am in a state where I can see the mistake much clearer than ever. I was the Nice Guy (And insanely passive aggressive) for most (ALL) of my marriage. I realize I changed so much for my marriage and even though for the right reasons it was the wrong thing to do.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Very happy for you. If you are still "doing stuff together" as a couple I have a suggestion for you. 

Ask her to do something fun with you - and if she declines - make sure she is declining the "activity" not just saying no because of a schedule conflict, come back to her a few days later and let her know in an offhand way that you will be doing "x" with one of your male friends the following weekend. 

If she is supportive, great. If not, just let her know she has "right of first refusal" but not the "right to deny you activities you wish to pursue". And don't get drawn into an argument. Just stick with "I disagree" if you get a long legalistic response from her. And then go do your thing. 



rebootingnow said:


> Doing an 180 is hard. Realizing how many fitness tests I've failed is a bit depressing. But I think things are starting to gel. I've been able to lay down some boundaries and stop a nag fest from happening a couple of times in a positive way. But I still fail some fitness test, which are much more often than I ever realized. As I said, its hard. But I the fact that I can see this is a fitness test is awe inspiring. I can think for a moment and decide how I want to react that mirrors my re-found Ethos.
> 
> The biggest challenge has been to figure out the "Now what?", but it gets a little bit easier each day to figure that out. I am in a state where I can see the mistake much clearer than ever. I was the Nice Guy (And insanely passive aggressive) for most (ALL) of my marriage. I realize I changed so much for my marriage and even though for the right reasons it was the wrong thing to do.
> 
> ...


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Posts like yours make my day.


Food for the soul.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

rebootingnow said:


> Doing an 180 is hard. Realizing how many fitness tests I've failed is a bit depressing. But I think things are starting to gel. I've been able to lay down some boundaries and stop a nag fest from happening a couple of times in a positive way. But I still fail some fitness test, which are much more often than I ever realized. As I said, its hard. But I the fact that I can see this is a fitness test is awe inspiring. I can think for a moment and decide how I want to react that mirrors my re-found Ethos.
> 
> The biggest challenge has been to figure out the "Now what?", but it gets a little bit easier each day to figure that out. I am in a state where I can see the mistake much clearer than ever. I was the Nice Guy (And insanely passive aggressive) for most (ALL) of my marriage. I realize I changed so much for my marriage and even though for the right reasons it was the wrong thing to do.
> 
> ...


It’s a journey you’re on RBN. It’s your journey of your life and it’s unique. There’s no real ending as such. But there are various “staging posts” along the way, places where we get to have the choice of taking the left or right hand turn in the road or carry straight on. It’s your unique path through life towards individuation but it’s a journey we never quite reach the end of.

Bob


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