# Sex and depression



## downheartedbaby (Feb 12, 2016)

I wasn't sure what forum to post this under, because I think there is a wide range of issues going on. I do believe the source to be depression though, so we'll start here.

I have been on and off depressed since I was a teenager. This has gotten better with cognitive behavioral therapy, but recently I've been going through a lot of changes that have made me take on a more negative view of the world. At the same time my sex life with my husband hasn't been all that great. We got married only 4 months ago, and it's like I can't get into it. A lot of this I believe to be my fault. He generally is not very confident in the bedroom because it intimidates him that I am more experienced, but I seem to make this problem worse. I want him to be more confident, but then when he tries and if I don't respond it kills his confidence even more. I don't know what to do. He is patient and supportive while I am struggling with depression, but I feel completely disconnected from him. He kisses me and I feel nothing. It isn't fair to him at all, but I don't know what to do. And yes I am aware that putting this pressure on myself probably does not help, but if you are familiar with the way depression works you will understand. 

Basically, I just want to talk to someone that maybe has been through this. He is seeing a therapist as well as I am. I just feel like I am at a loss. I love him, and I just want to figure this out. Has anyone been through couple's therapy for something like this? Did it help?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I have been off and on AD for the last 20 years but I switched to Wellbutrin, an old AD. It actually increases your libido. Problem is that it makes me super horny but on the other hand, my orgasms are extremely intense. At one time my wife was on them and sex was incredible. Most AD's reduce your libido as I found out and without a sex life, I get more depressed. Like you I would wake up and ask myself why bother. All I could think about were all the negative things that may happen to me. I would dwell on them. Now I wake up happy and am enjoying life again.

Tell your doctor that your medication is interfering with your sex life and you want to try something else. Often they will prescribe a little Wellbutrin to take along with you regular AD. It took me two years and trying almost every AD med out there before I got my sex life back. There are so many new meds out there that you can try. Perhaps you have, but ask about Wellbutrin. It also promotes a little weight loss. Good luck. I will just let you know in case you do not already, that sex produces a hormone called Oxytocin. Its sole purpose is to emotionally bond a couple together. The less sex you have, the less bonding goes on which means the less you want sex. What my wife and I did was to schedule two nights a week to be intimate. It did not have to be full blown sex but attendance was mandatory. No excuses. At first we mostly talked. They we started making out and before we knew it, we were having full blown sex which promote a strong emotional bond between us. This little trick was told to me by my therapist at the time.


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