# Any former players/womanizers here on Tams?



## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Any former players here who can give some insight as to what its like being the OM? You ever feel guilty or proud for what you did?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

There was an old thread by someone who claimed to feel no remorse. It was most likely a troll. I think the moderators deleted the thread.

My point of view is that it is immoral for someone to try to seduce a married person. However, the third party took no vows in the marriage. The blame for the infidelity rests with the disloyal spouse.

And, of course, some married people will claim to be single/divorced/separated in order to facilitate any infidelity.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

One of my husband's employees is into married women. He feels no guilt whatsoever despite getting into LOTS of trouble with the husbands when they find out and confront him. I have no idea what goes through his head I just know he hasn't been deterred.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I'm a former bad girl gone good. Then I grew up and realized what I was doing, and I knew I didn't want to be that person anymore.

Now, I am 100% against infidelity of any kind. And I don't care what the excuse/reasoning is.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

I often wonder why the WS could'nt see what was really going on until it was almost too late
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

I'm not a former player or womanizer, because I rejected the beliefs that my narcissistic dad drilled into us since early childhood. Unfortunatly, my half brother and step brother followed in his footsteps, and I even found it really hard to dismiss some of the demeaning assumptions that we were taught as kids and young adults. Still, in the college years and shortly beyond, I was very conflicted about how I viewed women, and other men. 

To be honest, I'm not sure if it helps much, but I stick around this section and respond occasionally when I feel like a BS is falling victim to some bad assumptions he might make about the relationship between his wife and her affair partner. 

The biggest difference that would seperate the OM between a player to 'just a guy in an affair' would depend on how he views the woman. A guy with this player mentality will see women as inherently weak when it comes to sex, thinking that the only thing keeping any woman from cheating is just coincidence. Another type of guy will likely just view her as a victim in some way. They will tend to see the wife as a victim in the sense that she is married to a man who cannot meet her needs, or at least find it hard to believe that such a woman would ever cheat on them if HE was her husband. I would never defend an OM, but keep in mind that the wife is freely giving him something that she probably quit giving her husband long ago. He will find 101 ways to justify his involvement. This aggressive acceleration into a very charged sexual relationship is very compelling to some men.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

Findingmyway was a player, I don't know if he comes on here much now, but he did leave a point of view thread although I can't find it. He posted something similar to me, here it is.:
***********************************************

My perspective- as a serial cheat. Before I start, I'm no GQ model look alike and I'm not wealthy.

For me, it was always about extra sex. The thrill of the chase and ego boost was a plus, but I just wanted more sex than my wife did. I always loved my wife and certainly never ever wanted to leave her or lose her. Especially not over someone else's wayward wife.

I had a simple method. I used it because it worked. I targeted married women. I figured they were safer for several important reasons.
1- Less likely to be sleeping around with random guys (STDs).
2- Less likely to pull the crazy girlfriend BS and call my wife.
3- In case of an unwanted pregnancy, I had a built in schmuck to pay the tab and would have claimed to have had a vasectomy.

The most important part of being a player is to hide it. I started with shy looks making certain I'd get caught and then doing my best to look embarrassed. If she started to come around more or dress sexier then I'd try a safe compliment. If she called me on my BS (yes, it happened) I simply acted highly offended. After all, I'm a married family man. That usually got me an apology. A few really smart ones just avoided me altogether.

If she accepted the compliment, I knew I had a chance. I never ever wasted time with someone that I didn't want to bed. If the compliment was successful, I simply followed with more as time permitted and just let things develop. Who knew where it would go? When she would speak with me about her frustrations with her husband (they always complained about their husband) I used that to my advantage. If they complained that he didn't do enough with the kids, I was dad of the year. If he didn't help out around the house, I did everything at home so my wife didn't have to. Yes, it was complete BS, but so what. My job was to make them feel special, pretty and needed and to paint the fantasy. After all, my goal was not conversation or friendship. I wanted to score.

Once things progressed and I had to keep it intense unless it was simply a once and done kind of thing. I would do that by pushing her boundaries for sex. Anal, public hook-up whatever. Keep in mind, I'm in it for the sex so I tried for everything I liked and heard more than once statements like... I never even let my husband do that. That was usually with anal, but sometimes public hook-ups also.

I certainly didn't want to be paying for hotel rooms out my pocket. If she wanted to pay, that was fine. Otherwise, we could hook-up anywhere, it didn't matter to me.

I always advised them to keep the secret between us, because it was so special. Actually, I didn't want to get busted. If they got busted, and some did. That was their tough crap to deal with. I certainly never vowed to love/honor/cherish them.

As I look back, I'm stunned at how easy it was and how many fell for my crap. I had some that would try to pull away and I'd feed them the star crossed lovers BS, you know... kept apart by the cruel hand of fate. That worked like magic to seal the deal. I also used things like I think my wife may have cheated on me. Then I'd work in how I got tested for STDs and it was clear and somehow manage to mention my vasectomy (never had one). Understand? I'm safe, you won't catch anything if you sleep with me and I won't get you pregnant. That was the message.

The one thing that sent me running was the fear of getting caught and sometimes I just wanted a quick bang and wasn't in it for a couple of months of an affair. I'm still also amazed by how many didn't see through my crap either. They didn't have to deal with the day to day stresses that adults face with me (finances, mortgages, car payments, child care, time commitments, etc.). With me, it was just fun and sex. The poor bastard at home didn't have a chance once the play was in motion. It also helped me to see him as a douche-bag when his wife whined about him for whatever reason.

I work with a woman that has lost everything over an affair with me. The house, husband, family, etc. It's difficult to see. She hates me now, but I never vowed anything to her or forced her to do anything. That's her tough crap. Her kids are in therapy, their grades tanked and she's struggling financially and the kids blame her, etc. Honestly, I wish she'd quit so I didn't have to see her every freaking day.


I do know a few like me that I consider even worse. They brag and laugh about getting wayward wives to do things and try to get email or text proof to show off. It's pretty easy, just tell her how much he liked doing X with her last night and let her respond. Then they had proof to brag about and trade notes. I didn't do that. I just wanted the sex and avoided the women they talked about. I liked to find the ones who would seem to be the last to ever do anything like this. Goes back to my 3 reasons.

I never flirted with a married woman unless I wanted in her pants. Plain and simple, you do have to hide it so they don't see it coming, but it's really that basic. Other players use different methods, but we all use what works and modify sometimes if we're not progressing to try a different angle. Not all women are the same, and sometimes deviations are required if she'll let you in her pants.

It was never about love, just sex. I sold the fantasy, yes. But that is all it ever was. A fair trade. They were adults and quite frankly should have known better. Am I a predator, I certainly never thought so and I certainly never thought about what would happen to them when we were done. Yes, all my affairs ended. Most stayed married to their H they *****ed about and screwed around on. Therefore, he must not have been that bad. People just get caught up with unrealistic expectations on life I think. For goodness sake, Prince charming is only charming because he wants a blow job.

Before I close, I'll say this as well. An engaged woman would have worked for me also, but I never found one that would go for me. Also, newly married women are much harder to get. I had the best luck with women who had been married for at least several years, throw a kid or two in the mix and they were usually more susceptible to being chased.

It was a fair trade. Attention and compliments for sex.
findingmyway is offline Forward Message


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

I wasn't really a WS...I was in a number of relationships with married / attached men, however. At the time, I could care less about the wife. Why would I? He certainly didn't.

I did cheat in a LTR about 8 years ago. As at the end of many relationships, this one went south, and was over long before I actually left, and instead of just leaving, I had what I now know to be called an exit affair.

I don't feel ashamed. It was a long time ago. I don't believe in that kind of behavior anymore.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> I wasn't really a WS...I was in a number of relationships with married / attached men, however.* At the time, I could care less about the wife. Why would I? He certainly didn't.*
> 
> I did cheat in a LTR about 8 years ago. As at the end of many relationships, this one went south, and was over long before I actually left, and instead of just leaving, I had what I now know to be called an exit affair.
> 
> I don't feel ashamed. It was a long time ago. I don't believe in that kind of behavior anymore.


When my exH was having his exit affair, I sent a fax to the OW at her office which laid bare what was going on with her and my husband. I heard through my estranged husband that she was very upset. And yes, I would do it again.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

SlappySlapSlap said:


> Yeah, i'm a former player, but if you want someone with experience as an OM in an ongoing relationship, I can't help you there.
> 
> I've slept with girls who have had boyfriends and wife's though, but only ONS. At the time my thinking was that I wasn't the one doing the cheating, therefore it's not my problem. So not guiilt really.
> 
> *I never broke up a marriage though, and I would feel guilty if I was involved in doing that.*


I didn't either; they always go back to their W/GFs.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

NextTimeAround said:


> When my exH was having his exit affair, I sent a fax to the OW at her office which laid bare what was going on with her and my husband. I heard through my estranged husband that she was very upset. And yes, I would do it again.


Good for you! I would do the same thing, believe me. I have already threatened one semi-predatory woman who infringed on the boundaries of my marriage. If I ever, EVER hear that she's been sniffing round again, it's all over for her; I'll expose her a$$ to the world (her world, anyway).

Hypocrite? Maybe - but I never want to fall prey to a woman like...well, like me.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Good for you! I would do the same thing, believe me. I have already threatened one semi-predatory woman who infringed on the boundaries of my marriage. If I ever, EVER hear that she's been sniffing round again, it's all over for her; I'll expose her a$$ to the world (her world, anyway).
> 
> Hypocrite? Maybe - but I never want to fall prey to a woman like...well, like me.


I have decided that if THAT WOMAN ever contacts my my bf, her boyfriend will definitely be hearing about it. I know who he is on FB.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> I have decided that if THAT WOMAN ever contacts my my bf, her boyfriend will definitely be hearing about it. I know who he is on FB.


Why haven't u told her bf already?


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

*Dean* said:


> Odd, I would think you would hold your husband more accountable since you know it always takes two.
> 
> IMO, threatening the other will not stop something from happening in the future.


I was speaking of my experience with my husband, he didn't cheat, but was approached for contact by an old flame. Sure, something might happen between them in the future. No amount of exposure or threats can stop that. But if it does, my husband will be dealing with a divorce. I don't put up with that kind of thing.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Numb-badger said:


> Findingmyway was a player, I don't know if he comes on here much now, but he did leave a point of view thread although I can't find it. He posted something similar to me, here it is.:
> ***********************************************
> 
> My perspective- as a serial cheat. Before I start, I'm no GQ model look alike and I'm not wealthy.
> ...



So who is the real numb-badger? This does not match your other post about being a betrayed spouse:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/40959-well-i-gave-my-all-2.html


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

lovesherman said:


> So who is the real numb-badger? This does not match your other post about being a betrayed spouse:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/40959-well-i-gave-my-all-2.html


The post was from Findingmyway. Numb-badger just reposted it.


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## calvin (Jan 7, 2012)

Glad Numb Badger re-posted that,my wife had no Idea,she actually almost fell for Om bullsh!t..almost
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

PHTlump said:


> The post was from Findingmyway. Numb-badger just reposted it.


Ah, thank you. I did not read this carefully. Thought he was f'ing with us.


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## Numb-badger (May 18, 2011)

lovesherman said:


> Ah, thank you. I did not read this carefully. Thought he was f'ing with us.


Lol, nope. I should have formatted the beginning a little better though, it's very easy to overlook


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

I`ve never been in an affair with another mans wife.

I`ve had numerous flings and ONS`s with married women though.

It was wrong, I was young & dumb, didn`t mean anything to me.


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