# Lost, unsure, wanting nothing but comfort



## WYgal (Sep 25, 2011)

First time posting as I'm sure you can tell...

I have been married for 1 year and 7 months but together for 2 years and 4 months. Met him in May 09, engaged in Sept 09, married Feb 10.

The first time my husband said he wanted a divorce was June 27. Just all the sudden out of the blue. Showed no signs of being unhappy AT ALL. Tells me he hasn't been happy for over a month, is tired of me constantly worried about finances, doesn't want me to change for him, etc. Moves in with his sister a few miles down the road.

We texted back and forth (well, I texted, he listened mostly. he would text back about anything that didn't have to do with our issues). I couldn't understand why as his reasoning was so vague. I cried for a month tryiny to just understand.

July 22 he tells me we need to talk. We talk and move back in together at a new place he leased. July 30 he helps me move all my stuff into his house. He was invited to go to a friend's party the nite before. He tells me he told them he would go but that I probably wouldn't. I said why did you say that? And he said because I thought you wouldn't go. The day of the party after moving all my stuff, he gets ready to go to this party without a word to me (we had not been fighting or anything all day, we had a good day moving). He starts to walk out the door and says he is going to this party... I stop him and say wtf? He says you knew I was going. I said I got the feeling you didn't want me to go. He said he is going anyway.

Prior to this, I look at our cell phone bill and see that he is texting a number a lot of times. I get suspicious and figure out it is this gal. So, I sneak looks at his phone when he is sleeping. I find a text she forwarded back to him that he sent her about how he loved her, wanted to marry her, loved the sound of her name with his last name. Of course, his replies were deleted. She is asking him why he lied to her about it as she loved him and was going to move here and get a job, etc.

I get the feeling that something isn't right, so I text him after he leaves and ask what is wrong. Nothing I'm told. I said yes something is wrong... He comes back with this isn't going to work and you need to leave. No explanations at all. Runs to his sister's again.

I refuse to leave after all, HE moved me in with HIM. Over a few days he becomes worried that his parents will not have a place to sleep when they visit and he asks me to leave just until their visit is over. I again refuse. He says that I could go stay with my grandma and come back when they leave. I refuse. He asks why am I being difficult? I said YOU left me!! He says at least I have a bed at my grandma's. I tell him that it was HIS choice to leave and it wasn't my problem if he had a bed or not at his sister's. He said well at least you have your clothes. I tell him I didn't tell you not to come home!

A few days before his parents are scheduled to arrive, we have a good talk. He tells me that he has a real hard time expressing his feelings, feels that I worry to much about having enough money to pay bills. (I am constantly telling him we don't need this, can't afford that). We really work it out and say that if anything else comes up we will sit down and talk it over.

All is well for over a month. He is continuing to text this gal not every day but at least a few times a week. It is really starting to get me worried that he is wanting something to happen with this gal (she lives 2 hours away).

So on Sept 8, I can't take it anymore. Yet, I dont feel that I can talk to him about her as I am threatened by her and he has told me previously they are "just friends". So, I block her number so that they can't talk or text. I feel really guilty about it but am so at peace and happy that they can't text. On Sept 19 I figure out that he has found out (I check the phone bill every day) and I confess before he has a chance to confront me. He is furious!!! Tells me that he can't trust me that I have stabbed him in the back. I went back on my word to talk about things bothering me. Tells me he is done (yet again) and that this won't work. Leaves.

I text him and say how is this any different from you telling this gal that you loved and wanted to marry her? You betrayed me and our marriage. I ask him how can he ask me to forgive & trust him and yet he can't do the same for me? I tell him that there are double standards here and it isn't fair. He replies he holds himself to the same standard. He tells me that he has told me there is nothing going on with her they are just friends.

I try to get him to see that marriage is hard and it has ups and downs and that it isn't all roses and sunshine all the time. he says that maybe he isn't marraige material and that single life is easier and you dont have to worry about anything other than yourself.

I do apologize as I did go back on my word of discussing problems out but felt I couldn't talk to him about her. He won't listen to anything and is going thru with the divorce. He hasn't left this time, but is signing a lease on a new place next week. It is very awkward being in the same house. I will be leaving next Sat.

I text the gal and tell her congrats for ruining my marriage and now they can live happily ever after. She is married btw. She texts back and says that she has encouraged him to make sure as the last time he missed me so much. She says as for the texts they sent in July she says she was separated from her husband at the time and is home now. She wishes us well but that my husband has to do what is best for him.

I'm just so frustrated that he isn't willing to work on this marriage at all. He seems to be such a child in his thinking. He is often prone to take action and think it thru later. I know he will regret this as soon as we are not in the same house anymore.

I'm just so hurt by all this. I want to know why he isn't as committed as I think I am. Other than this he is a very loving person, perfect in everyway other than that he can't deal with problems like this and chooses to run from them.

I'm just looking for comfort and maybe some new friends who are going thru something like this. I know I have to turn my back and walk away but it is so hard. My heart is so broke...

btw they had a relationship 4 years ago and he says he broke it off as he was going thru a divorce and she wanted more than he was willing to give. She wasn't married at the time.


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## justabovewater (Jun 26, 2011)

No texting members of the opposite sex unless they are family. That's my thinking. He obviously hasn't given your marriage enough time, but it sounds like he's very immature as well and may not be able to handle marriage right now. This is his second marriage you say? I think you know what you need to do as he needs to figure out himself before he can give any of himself to anyone else. I'm sorry you're going through this, it's very painful, but does get better over time. Take care of yourself and let him see that you're moving on. Easy for me to say as I'm not exactly moving on myself, but I can say that the pain does start to subside after a bit of time.


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## WYgal (Sep 25, 2011)

I can understand some texting of friends that are girls but 82 in one day is the number him & I send to each other if that tells him anything but he doesn't get it.

It is his second marriage.

It is quite painful. Thanks for your kind words.


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## drsparkle (Aug 7, 2011)

big hugs for you. I think you need to let him go off and get some space and learn to miss you. He really needs to grown up. He needs to see what a wonderful person you are and what he is missing.


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## LEDWA1982 (Sep 23, 2011)

So sorry you are going through this. Much of your story is so close to mine. Its tough especially the weekends, fortunately I have strong family support. At this point I am really trying to cut convo with him and attempting the whole 180 rule that I read about here. My husband too is very childish and refusing to work on things, not thinking about the commitment he made at all. But much like yours, he thinks about what he has done later and I feel he will come around...just hoping its not too late for me. Wishing you good luck and definitely keep your head up 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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