# Platonic Marriages



## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

I just read something where is said Platonic Marriages are an upcoming thing? I had no idea what they were so of course Googled it.

They are essentially marriages where the couple decides not to have sex. I won't spoil any more for those who want to go check them out.

But WTF? How is that normal and why would you ever chose to do that?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

SO then you are legally bound to a ROOMATE? WHY in God's name would someone want that?


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> SO then you are legally bound to a ROOMATE? WHY in God's name would someone want that?


Maybe there are a lot of young people both male and female who don't like sex?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Welcome to the Brave New World!


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Maybe there are a lot of young people both male and female who don't like sex?


Uh, yeah I doubt it -- that just goes against basic biology. If they are so hung up on PORN instead of sex with a partner, then why do they need to get married at all??


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

jlg07 said:


> Uh, yeah I doubt it -- that just goes against basic biology. If they are so hung up on PORN instead of sex with a partner, then why do they need to get married at all??


The one thing I read about it said some young people doing were either virgins or had reclaimed their virginity by self-celibacy. I don't get it either but it seems like its just young people doing it.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Maybe there are a lot of young people both male and female who don't like sex?


Seriously doubt any young people either male or female don't like sex.

I would think the platonic would be two older people my age who want companionship but the sexual fire is out for both of them. If a couple enjoys company of one another, I could well imagine they would want to spend 24/7 together than returning to a lonely apartment. Loneliness is the killer for people my age. Wife and I are grateful we have one another, but a lot of people our age are alone because their spouse has died or they divorced long ago.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I just read something where is said Platonic Marriages are an upcoming thing? I had no idea what they were so of course Googled it.
> 
> They are essentially marriages where the couple decides not to have sex. I won't spoil any more for those who want to go check them out.
> 
> But WTF? How is that normal and why would you ever chose to do that?


I wonder if it's a new generation thing for the young people that were loathe to leave their parents' home so they are trying to recreate that and looking for a caretaker. Or maybe some don't think they need it because they have porn. I tend to think people are going to marry less, so I'm kind of surprised at this myself. 

I see googling there can be an element of using the marriage as a beard so people stop hounding you to get married, which seems chicken. 

But you know, as soon as one or the other meets someone they do want to have sex with, you just know that thing is going to implode.


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Maybe it’s something I should explore.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Maybe it’s something I should explore.


Isn't that what you already have? You are ahead of the curve.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I read that more and more young people do not want children, so perhaps this is related. Given the recent loss of abortion rights, perhaps they don't want to take a chance on being forced to have children. It has no affect on me what others do, really, so it is only a curiosity of human behavior to me.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Married but Happy said:


> I read that more and more young people do not want children, so perhaps this is related. Given the recent loss of abortion rights, perhaps they don't want to take a chance on being forced to have children. It has no affect on me what others do, really, so it is only a curiosity of human behavior to me.


Think you misspelled "don't want to take a chance on being forced to have to be responsible for their actions"


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## Busy Washing My Hair (7 mo ago)

Rus47 said:


> Isn't that what you already have? You are ahead of the curve.


I actually had sex today and I’m the one who initiated it. Apparently I have sexual desire inside me somewhere. Most of the times we’ve had sex within the last month have been initiated by me and it’s happened more frequently than probably all of 2021 combined.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Maybe there are a lot of young people both male and female who don't like sex?


No there's not. 

No self respecting heterosexual male would settle for this unless he was so weak and desperate that he is willing to trade his biological nature for a girl to talk to him.

And it's not that the women in these supposed arrangements don't want sex either. - they just don't want it from the men who settle for marrying them platonically.

I'm willing to be that the women in these so called 'marriages' are banging the guys down at the gym and at work and at the bar etc while their simp platonic 'husbands' launder their semen-soaked underwear when they get home from their dates the next morning.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> No there's not.
> 
> No self respecting heterosexual male would settle for this unless he was so weak and desperate that he is willing to trade his biological nature for a girl to talk to him.
> 
> ...


It's the new Western male that has been created over the past 2 decades


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> Maybe there are a lot of young people both male and female who don't like sex?


Maybe not much bothered by it and they value companionship more than sex. It’s just a different type of marriage. If both partners are ok with it, I don’t see the problem.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Numb26 said:


> Think you misspelled "don't want to take a chance on being forced to have to be responsible for their actions"


I don't think it's that politically motivated. 

There's always been a segment of the population that either outright did not want kids or was at least very ambiguous about it. But there was always a strong societal and familial pressure and assumption to have kids and historlcally there wasn't safe and effective contraception up until about 60 years ago. 

If someone had sex, the chances were great that they would become a parent whether they wanted to or not.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Numb26 said:


> Think you misspelled "don't want to take a chance on being forced to have to be responsible for their actions"


Sorry, but your reading comprehension sucks! Read @oldshirt take.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

In Absentia said:


> Maybe not much bothered by it and they value companionship more than sex. It’s just a different type of marriage. If both partners are ok with it, I don’t see the problem.


I am willing to bet that both people are NOT ok with it and doubt that this companionate union that you are thinking of actually exists in the way you are envisioning it. 

Other than elderly men that have accepted that their sexually active days are over such as yourself, no actual healthy, heterosexual man would actually choose this over a sexually active relationship. 

Any guy under 75 that accepts this is a simp that is so desperate for a girl to talk to him that he has voluntarily emasculated himself in order to have a woman around. 

And any woman that accepts this is either really really fat and gross that can't get a man to touch her but still wants a guy around to kill spiders in the house - or she is screwing a real man at the gym or at work or something and has the simp around to do the dishes and kill the spiders. 

No one is actually doing this by choice if they don't have to.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I just read something where is said Platonic Marriages are an upcoming thing? I had no idea what they were so of course Googled it.
> 
> They are essentially marriages where the couple decides not to have sex. I won't spoil any more for those who want to go check them out.
> 
> But WTF? How is that normal and why would you ever chose to do that?


I knew a couple. The woman had a very good job with a major management consulting company bringing in a good 6-figure salary. The husband was in a very specialized field and took a government job that was maybe 1000 miles away from his wife. He took that job for at least a 4-year commitment, but it lasted longer. He too had a high 6 figure salary. They had no children as they were both too into their own careers. They set up separate households for the duration. They did appear occasionally at political fundraisers in the same city, but didn't seem all that close.

As to normal......I don't think so. As to why they choose that money and career were much more important to them than sexual intimacy.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

oldshirt said:


> No one is actually doing this by choice if they don't have to.


Let me rephrase. 

This is largely about options available to the individual. 

No man that has the option to have a sexually active relationship will choose to have a platonic one instead. 

And no woman that has the option to be married to a man she is sexually attracted to will choose to be in a platonic but sexually exclusive marriage with a simp. 

People will simply not choose this if they have other options. If people are actually signing up for this (which I question in the first place) it is people that have simply ran out of other options and have given up and settled. 

And in the case of the women in such arrangements, if they aren't really fat and gross, they are probably getting sex elsewhere.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> I knew a couple. The woman had a very good job with a major management consulting company bringing in a good 6-figure salary. The husband was in a very specialized field and took a government job that was maybe 1000 miles away from his wife. He took that job for at least a 4-year commitment, but it lasted longer. He too had a high 6 figure salary. They had no children as they were both too into their own careers. They set up separate households for the duration. They did appear occasionally at political fundraisers in the same city, but didn't seem all that close.
> 
> As to normal......I don't think so. As to why they choose that money and career were much more important to them than sexual intimacy.


But did they go into the relationship/marriage mutually agreeing to it being strictly platonic or do they just not hook up sexually do to their living arrangements?

Those are two completely different things.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

Numb26 said:


> It's the new Western male that has been created over the past 2 decades


Let’s hope with the amount of content out there exposing all the risks that men take when the say “I do” the next generation of boys will be better than the current one.


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Welcome to the Brave New World!


Numb, you forgot "stunning".

DUH!!!

It's a STUNNING and BRAVE new world.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Numb, you forgot "stunning".
> 
> DUH!!!
> 
> It's a STUNNING and BRAVE new world.


I feel shame 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> But did they go into the relationship/marriage mutually agreeing to it being strictly platonic or do they just not hook up sexually do to their living arrangements?
> 
> Those are two completely different things.


I don't know. I can't imagine, being sexually in love with someone, marrying them and then just being platonic. And yet, there are people who end up that way. We read about women (and men) who later in life after decades of marriage that just don't want sex. Since most things are bell shaped curves, I could imagine where that would happen earlier in a marriage.

I see arranged marriages, when platonic may or may not bloom into passionate sexual love.

it is hard to say. I know one young couple that recently married. The woman got her tubes tied because she carries a genetic condition. For the longest period of time she avoided involvement with men. Now she has purchased a house with a man and they have gotten married, civil ceremony, nothing fancy. I think that they are sharing their lives. I hope that they fall madly in love at some point as opposed to just merging lives and finances.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> I am willing to bet that both people are NOT ok with it and doubt that this companionate union that you are thinking of actually exists in the way you are envisioning it.


It's all speculation. If they enter such marriage and then they change their mind, they can just divorce. What's the problem?


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I just read something where is said Platonic Marriages are an upcoming thing? I had no idea what they were so of course Googled it.
> 
> They are essentially marriages where the couple decides not to have sex. I won't spoil any more for those who want to go check them out.
> 
> But WTF? How is that normal and why would you ever chose to do that?


Way not normal. And no way. Too way out there to even get anyone's perspective. Nuts.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Way not normal. And no way. Too way out there to even get anyone's perspective. Nuts.


It might be nuts if you see marriage in the traditional way, where sex is part of it.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am sure there are quite a few marriages where there is no sex for all sorts of reasons. Either they may start that way or they become that way later. Who is anyone to judge that its not a marriage if sex isn't involved?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> I am sure there are quite a few marriages where there is no sex for all sorts of reasons. Either they may start that way or they become that way later. Who is anyone to judge that its not a marriage if sex isn't involved?


More like roommates or business partners, not really a marriage.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

To


Numb26 said:


> More like roommates or business partners, not really a marriage.


If for whatever reason you stop having sex you are still married, still committed, you still have a unique relationship.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> To
> 
> 
> If for whatever reason you stop having sex you are still married, still committed, you still have a unique relationship.


I can say, if it were me, that for whatever reason if the sex stops then there is no longer any commitment or even marriage for that matter. I don't cheat so for me there would be no other option then divorce.


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## FloridaGuy1 (Nov 4, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> To
> 
> 
> If for whatever reason you stop having sex you are still married, still committed, you still have a unique relationship.


But I think its only if both parties are OK with it. If not that's when it leads to issues and cheating or divorce.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

If there was ever any doubt just how lazy today's generation is, the doubt has now been officially removed.




....


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> I can say, if it were me, that for whatever reason if the sex stops then there is no longer any commitment or even marriage for that matter. I don't cheat so for me there would be no other option then divorce.


Of course you would have an option. It may be that a spouse has an accident or is very ill. Anything can happen. 
There is so much more to marriage than one thing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> But I think its only if both parties are OK with it. If not that's when it leads to issues and cheating or divorce.


Yes I see your point but it doesn't have to lead to cheating, that's a choice in the end.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Of course you would have an option. It may be that a spouse has an accident or is very ill. Anything can happen.
> There is so much more to marriage than one thing.


I agree but there is only ONE thing you can get in marriage, intimate connection with someone you love. If that is gone then everything else that a marriage provides can be found other places without all the BS that comes with marriage.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

why marry then? why would anyone choose this?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I just read something where is said Platonic Marriages are an upcoming thing? I had no idea what they were so of course Googled it.
> 
> They are essentially marriages where the couple decides not to have sex. I won't spoil any more for those who want to go check them out.
> 
> But WTF? How is that normal and why would you ever chose to do that?


Not a marriage anyway. I guess it's a step above trying to say you're marrying yourself or your dog.

Civilization is about to take a nose dive anyway so it doesn't surprise me.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

ConanHub said:


> Not a marriage anyway. I guess it's a step above trying to say you're marrying yourself or your dog.
> 
> Civilization is about to take a nose dive anyway so it doesn't surprise me.


About??? Already has


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

ConanHub said:


> Not a marriage anyway. I guess it's a step above trying to say you're marrying yourself or your dog.
> 
> Civilization is about to take a nose dive anyway so it doesn't surprise me.


I think I would choose my dog if I had to marry someone and not have sex.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> I think I would choose my dog if I had to marry someone and not have sex.


Agreed. Especially since dogs are loyal! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> Agreed. Especially since dogs are loyal! 🤣🤣🤣🤣


And they don't talk back!


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> why marry then? why would anyone choose this?


Why do you marry? Same reasons, but with no sex...  Is it a marriage? Not in your traditional form, but people like to make their bond official.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> And they don't talk back!


They do!


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> I agree but there is only ONE thing you can get in marriage, intimate connection with someone you love. If that is gone then everything else that a marriage provides can be found other places without all the BS that comes with marriage.


I dont agree, there are many things in our marriage that are special just to us apart from sex. Our whole relationship is far closer than just a friend or house mate.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> why marry then? why would anyone choose this?


Love?


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> I dont agree, there are many things in our marriage that are special just to us apart from sex. Our whole relationship is far closer than just a friend or house mate.


But you can get all those things without marriage


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Love?


Sometimes love isn't enough.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

Busy Washing My Hair said:


> Maybe it’s something I should explore.


I have a feeling that when you meet the right guy, you're not going to be so busy washing your hair.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Our whole relationship is far closer than just a friend or house mate.


But that is *BECAUSE *you have an actual sex life. 

Take away the romantic/sexual intimacy and he because just another guy that farts and scratches his crotch and leaves he dirty socks and underwear laying around, and you become just another woman that whines and complains and wants things all the time. 

It is the physical intimacy that makes our special someone special and makes the relationship closer than just a friend or housemate. 

Take away the sexuality and you both because just another face in the crowd and another irritating person that clips their toenails in bed and gets on the other person's nerves.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Mybabysgotit said:


> I have a feeling that when you meet the right guy, you're not going to be so busy washing your hair.


Meet the real right guy and she'll need to be washing stuff out of her a lot


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> But you can get all those things without marriage


I don't agree. Marriage makes for the most special relationship with true commitment.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> I don't agree. Marriage makes for the most special relationship with true commitment.


You can have special relationships and commitment with friends or dogs


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> But that is *BECAUSE *you have an actual sex life.
> 
> Take away the romantic/sexual intimacy and he because just another guy that farts and scratches his crotch and leaves he dirty socks and underwear laying around, and you become just another woman that whines and complains and wants things all the time.
> 
> ...


It makes no difference whether I have a sex life or not. Marriage is very important to me and for us there is much more than just sex.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> You can have special relationships and commitment with friends or dogs


Not in the same way at all.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Not in the same way at all.


Marriage without intimacy is no different then a friendship or roommate situation


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Marriage without intimacy is no different then a friendship or roommate situation


Not to me, far from it. Also you can have intimacy without sex, hand holding kissing etc


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Of course you would have an option. It may be that a spouse has an accident or is very ill. Anything can happen.
> There is so much more to marriage than one thing.


I get where you are coming from regarding accident or illness preventing sex. But for two people able to have sex and decide not to? That would not fly for wife and I.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Not to me, far from it. Also you can have intimacy without sex, hand holding kissing etc


No physical is no marriage.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Not to me, far from it. Also you can have intimacy without sex, hand holding kissing etc


Not the same thing


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

A


Longtime Hubby said:


> I get where you are coming from regarding accident or illness preventing sex. But for two people able to have sex and decide not to? That would not fly for wife and I.


I guess I just see that as their decision.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> No physical is no marriage.


Marriage is far more than one thing.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> Marriage is far more than one thing.


Yes but it's not conplete without each piece


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

It really depends on why. Everyone is different. If someone has an illness or injury, or in the course of time it just naturally stops for both people, that’s different than one person arbitrarily changing the dynamic of the relationship on their own.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

Diana7 said:


> Marriage is far more than one thing.


True but it’s a big part of a marriage. To remove love making - even though both are able - i can‘t fathom that


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

oldshirt said:


> I am willing to bet that both people are NOT ok with it and doubt that this companionate union that you are thinking of actually exists in the way you are envisioning it.
> 
> Other than elderly men that have accepted that their sexually active days are over such as yourself, no actual healthy, heterosexual man would actually choose this over a sexually active relationship.
> 
> ...


You're using very broad strokes. There are all sorts of people outside the social stereotypes. They really have no obligation to comply with social expectations.

On a side note, I wonder whether the platonic bit applies only to intercourse or to all forms of intimacy.


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## Mybabysgotit (Jul 1, 2019)

oldshirt said:


> Let me rephrase.
> 
> This is largely about options available to the individual.
> 
> ...


You know oldshirt, you're right. Not only is this about options, but I have a feeling a lot of things that counts in a marriage come down to options. If one doesn't have other options, they tend to put up with a lot of BS that the other guy with options won't put up with.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Numb26 said:


> But you can get all those things without marriage


Yes, but for that matter you can get sex w/o marriage.

Personally, if someone's marriage is good for the two of them, it isn't worth my time to decide otherwise.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> It makes no difference whether I have a sex life or not. Marriage is very important to me and for us there is much more than just sex.


Says everyone that has a sex life.

The problem is when there is no intimate component of the marriage then all these “other” things in the marriage that people claim will suffice, also start to breakdown.

These “other” things, are good because of the intimacy component…not independent of it.

Physical intimacy is the glue that holds all things other things together.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

What if your wife said, "I know I've aged and put on weight, how about you go outside the marriage for sex and we'll just be friends?" Maybe connect you with some swingers/swapper/open marriage people for orgies and stuff. Then you're basically just roommates and co-parents until your kids are grown. Would that qualify as a platonic marriage?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> It makes no difference whether I have a sex life or not. Marriage is very important to me and for us there is much more than just sex.


That's not what Paul wrote...


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> Yes, but for that matter you can get sex w/o marriage.
> 
> Personally, if someone's marriage is good for the two of them, it isn't worth my time to decide otherwise.


True. Marriage is kinda antiquated for the most part. Use to you would have to buy the cow to get the milk. But feminism brought us free milk. See feminism ain't so bad.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

TexasMom1216 said:


> What if your wife said, "I know I've aged and put on weight, how about you go outside the marriage for sex and we'll just be friends?" Maybe connect you with some swingers/swapper/open marriage people for orgies and stuff. Then you're basically just roommates and co-parents until your kids are grown. Would that qualify as a platonic marriage?


I understood a platonic marriage was two people agreeing to marry with no "consummation", a purely spiritual and/or emotional connection with no sexual intimacy. So IMO what you describe is not what is meant by a platonic marriage. Two asexual people might want legal and/or economic benefits provided by legally being married without having any interest in having sex with anyone. Two elderly people might want companionship in their last years and their sexual side has receded into just a memory.


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Rus47 said:


> I understood a platonic marriage was two people agreeing to marry with no "consummation", a purely spiritual and/or emotional connection with no sexual intimacy. So IMO what you describe is not what is meant by a platonic marriage. Two asexual people might want legal and/or economic benefits provided by legally being married without having any interest in having sex with anyone. Two elderly people might want companionship in their last years and their sexual side has receded into just a memory.


Oh, ok. I misunderstood. Yeah, there are platonic marriages, gay people have been marrying the opposite sex for years. FDR had girlfriends and so did Eleanor.


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## Julie's Husband (Jan 3, 2022)

So are we talking about lack of intercourse or complete absence of sexually oriented intimacy?


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Julie's Husband said:


> So are we talking about lack of intercourse or complete absence of sexually oriented intimacy?


What I read is the latter. Total absence.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> True. Marriage is kinda antiquated for the most part.


The traditional justifications largely don't apply any more. There are things like insurance and Social Security that still have tangible importance. To some people it matters on an emotional level and I won't argue w/ them.


> Use to you would have to buy the cow to get the milk.


I assume you are using the editorial "you" and not speaking of me, personally.


> But feminism brought us free milk. See feminism ain't so bad.


Feminism means different things to different people, to me a lot of it was never bad.


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

I think my marriage has turned platonic against my wishes. . I feel more like I have a roommate and coparent than I do having an intimate partner. I’ve even mentioned this in the past and it’s really irritated her. I’m just telling the truth though.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

GoodDad5 said:


> I think my marriage as turned platonic against my wishes. . I feel more like I have a roommate and coparent than I do having an intimate partner. I’ve even mentioned this in the past and it’s really irritated her. I’m just telling the truth though.


If u irritated her, you are spot on. Truth hurts


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Numb26 said:


> Welcome to the Brave New World!


God help us all.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

GoodDad5 said:


> I think my marriage has turned platonic against my wishes. . I feel more like I have a roommate and coparent than I do having an intimate partner. I’ve even mentioned this in the past and it’s really irritated her. I’m just telling the truth though.


Then why don’t you do something about it? You get what you tolerate and clearly your wife has far more control over your marriage dynamic than you do. 
That’s a problem, and that’s on you. It’s your responsibility to start leaving that dynamic and change it. 
You set your standards, expectations and boundaries of what you will and won’t accept in your marriage. You need to be strong enough to do that, or nothing will ever change for you.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

In Absentia said:


> It might be nuts if you see marriage in the traditional way, where sex is part of it.


Yeah, and it would be nice to stop trying to redefine and destroy everything.
Without sex, it’s not a marriage. Marriage isn’t all about sex, but it’s pointless without it.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

What bond? A friendship bond? We don’t marry our friends.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Longtime Hubby said:


> I get where you are coming from regarding accident or illness preventing sex. But for two people able to have sex and decide not to? That would not fly for wife and I.


I can’t imagine that would fly for any normal, healthy person.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

I'm not saying I would do it but i get it. Years ago, a female friend and I used to joke that if we were still single at 40 we would get married. I bet a lot of people have had similar conversations with friends. Dating in 2022 is a minefield of crap and sometimes people just get sick of it all. If someone wanted to get married and have a life partner they trusted without all the romance and dating, I'd understand.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

GoodDad5 said:


> I think my marriage has turned platonic against my wishes.


Well, I don't think that would actually qualify. Platonic "marriage" would be where neither partner ever had any interest in consummating the union.

Which brings me to the conclusion that this "platonic" stuff is just another attempt by some "intellectuals" to redefine marriage. "Professing themselves wise, they became fools instead". Why marriage is such a target for them, I have no idea. No one is forced to marry if that isn't their thing. But somehow if there is ANY tradition, there is a subset of society that can't stand that and has to trash it with their own goofball ideas.

IMO marriage is just a different word for MATING, as in a long term (hopefully lifelong) sexual union between a man and a woman. Anything else doesn't qualify as a marriage. Marriage is a societal and legal recognition and announcement that a man and woman have decided to be sexually united with one another for a lifetime. You won't find any "platonic" relationships celebrated as a "marriage" in any primitive culture. The family and friends of the man and woman have a big party to celebrate that a union has taken place that will produce children.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

DudeInProgress said:


> Yeah, and it would be nice to stop trying to redefine and destroy everything.


It's not redefining. It's a just a different "version". It's not that uncommon.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Our Platonic Marriage Is No Less Legitimate Than Romantic Marriage


Platonic marriages challenge our ideas about romantic and sexual love.




www.refinery29.com


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

For most of history, marriage was about the transfer of property and wealth. It had nothing to do with love. People would have sex with their spouses to create heirs and men had affairs for sex. Marrying for love is pretty new from a historical context.

It does seem though that the left wants to redefine and redefine until we get back to that.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

TexasMom1216 said:


> For most of history, marriage was about the transfer of property and wealth. It had nothing to do with love. People would have sex with their spouses to create heirs


This thread just re-enforces my thinking that it is better to be single and have sex when I want then to be married and miserable. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## TexasMom1216 (Nov 3, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> This thread just re-enforces my thinking that it is better to be single and have sex when I want then to be married and miserable. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


Not everyone who is married is miserable. I’m so sorry she hurt you like that. What a twaffle she is. 😉


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> This thread just re-enforces my thinking that it is better to be single and have sex when I want then to be married and miserable. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣


For sure. If those are the choices. But some people are married and have sex when they want. And some are single and miserable.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

Rus47 said:


> For sure. If those are the choices. But some people are married and have sex when they want. And some are single and miserable.


Or even more strange was my case. Married, having sex when I wanted but miserable. It works all kind of ways.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

TexasMom1216 said:


> For most of history, marriage was about the transfer of property and wealth. It had nothing to do with love. People would have sex with their spouses to create heirs and men had affairs for sex. Marrying for love is pretty new from a historical context.
> 
> It does seem though that the left wants to redefine and redefine until we get back to that.


“What’s love got to do with it? What’s love but a second-hand emotion?” - Tina Turner


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> For most of history, marriage was about the transfer of property and wealth. It had nothing to do with love. People would have sex with their spouses to create heirs and men had affairs for sex. Marrying for love is pretty new from a historical context.


This is true.


> It does seem though that the left wants to redefine and redefine until we get back to that.


The following is heresy on TAM, but people choosing different things isn't a threat directed at you and not everything is partisan.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

Numb26 said:


> Or even more strange was my case. Married, having sex when I wanted but miserable. It works all kind of ways.


Key is you didn’t wallow in misery. You solved the problem


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

I'm not going to argue with the traditional view of marriage, but I'm happy there are other versions of it...


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## ah_sorandy (Jul 19, 2018)

Welcome to my world! Sexless marriages are just not cool!

I was doing something about it, but time ran out as I was just not doing things fast enough!


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I'm not going to argue with the traditional view of marriage, but I'm happy there are other versions of it...


Yea, sounds about as pleasant as crushing your testicles with a 500 lb stone. To each their own though.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Yea, sounds about as pleasant as crushing your testicles with a 500 lb stone. To each their own though.


ah ah


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

DudeInProgress said:


> What bond? A friendship bond? We don’t marry our friends.


Yeah, I don’t buy that “married my best friend” or “we are soulmates” nonsense. Wife agrees with me.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Yeah, I don’t buy that “married my best friend” or “we are soulmates” nonsense. Wife agrees with me.


It's not for me, but if other people want to do it... I don't have a problem with it.


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## Longtime Hubby (7 mo ago)

In Absentia said:


> It's not for me, but if other people want to do it... I don't have a problem with it.


Friends say it. If they buy into it …


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## pastasauce79 (Mar 21, 2018)

TexasMom1216 said:


> For most of history, marriage was about the transfer of property and wealth. It had nothing to do with love. People would have sex with their spouses to create heirs and men had affairs for sex. Marrying for love is pretty new from a historical context.
> 
> It does seem though that the left wants to redefine and redefine until we get back to that.


I agree with your first paragraph, but not with the second one.

I think marriage is complicated and it's complicated in every country and every culture. Arranged marriages are still happening, some are successful, some are not.

My own parents have a platonic marriage now a days. They both sleep in separate rooms and only share meals or errands throughout the day. They are both in their early 70's and they seem to be comfortable with this arrangement. They never had a good marriage, but it seems both of them have settled to a peaceful and uneventful life. I cannot lie, I like their relationship a lot better now than in the past.

I don't really care if people are happy in a platonic marriage. I can't imagine myself married a second time. I can easily see myself living with someone for companionship rather than love and passion.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> I'm not going to argue with the traditional view of marriage, but I'm happy there are other versions of it...


There are lots of different traditions regarding marriage in different cultures. We tend to record what the upper class did, and what the recorders liked.


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## Kaneda (5 mo ago)

oldshirt said:


> I don't think it's that politically motivated.
> 
> There's always been a segment of the population that either outright did not want kids or was at least very ambiguous about it. But there was always a strong societal and familial pressure and assumption to have kids and historlcally there wasn't safe and effective contraception up until about 60 years ago.
> 
> If someone had sex, the chances were great that they would become a parent whether they wanted to or not.





GoodDad5 said:


> I think my marriage has turned platonic against my wishes. . I feel more like I have a roommate and coparent than I do having an intimate partner. I’ve even mentioned this in the past and it’s really irritated her. I’m just telling the truth though.


I'm truly sorry for you GoodDad5 and unfortunately I am in the exact same place. It is certainly demoralizing and quite painful.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Numb26 said:


> Yes but it's not conplete without each piece


There is a Christian lady called Joni who was paralyzed from the neck down in a horrible diving accident when a young person. She later married a really lovely guy and they have been married for several decades. They both have a great Christian ministry. 
I think they may disagree with you.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Longtime Hubby said:


> Yeah, I don’t buy that “married my best friend” or “we are soulmates” nonsense. Wife agrees with me.


Mr D is definitely my best and deepest friend.


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## David60525 (Oct 5, 2021)

FloridaGuy1 said:


> I just read something where is said Platonic Marriages are an upcoming thing? I had no idea what they were so of course Googled it.
> 
> They are essentially marriages where the couple decides not to have sex. I won't spoil any more for those who want to go check them out.
> 
> But WTF? How is that normal and why would you ever chose to do that?


If either one don't put out, get out.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

Kaneda said:


> I'm truly sorry for you GoodDad5 and unfortunately I am in the exact same place. It is certainly demoralizing and quite painful.


So what are you DOING about it?


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## GoodDad5 (9 mo ago)

Kaneda said:


> I'm truly sorry for you GoodDad5 and unfortunately I am in the exact same place. It is certainly demoralizing and quite painful.


Thank you. We had an argument recently about this as the feeling between us has definitely felt more like roommates. Neither one wants to compromise though I’ve had to compromise a lot on the sex part and she knows it. Neither of us knows what we need to do to fix it or get past it.


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