# How can I help my daughter get over my marriage breakdown



## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

Hi everyone........I've posted on here before and have had some great advice, so now I need some more! 
I'll start at the beginning..........May 2009 I got the old " I love you but I'm not in love with you " out of the blue.......H swore no one else was involved.......told this to me and our 2 kids who were 24 and 20 at the time.
H said we would try to work it out.......then I found out about the OW! No real surprise there then you all told me. Me and the kids were devastated , but H spent the next year telling us he was working on the marriage..........until we found out that he was still seeing the OW.
Early last summer I asked him to leave, kids were totally behind me. 
So fast forward to now, my son who is 22 is doing good...........he has very little to do with his dad , totally his choice ( I could tell you the long tale about how his dad has been since he left but it will take forever! ) , but son is getting on with his life......has been helping me get the house ready to be sold etc.
But my daughter, now 26 , who doesn't live at home has been a nightmare. She won't discuss anything that has happened. She hasn't spoken to her dad since the day he left. I have been seeing a guy for the last 6 months and despite the fact she has never met him, she speaks terribly about him.........She doesn't want to meet him, obviously her choice, but my son gets on great with him and it is putting a wedge between the two of them.........
Basically I just don't know how to handle it anymore...........any ideas great fully appreciated 
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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She is an adult and she has the right to decide who she is going to like, hate, and love.

Obviously she is very disappointed and betrayed by her father and what he has done yo the family. I know there are people who say the kids need to learn to accept a cheating parent, your daughter clearly does not agree. 

As for your new bf, is the problem that you aren't divorced yet?
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## mumof2 (Jul 7, 2009)

You're right shaggy she can make her own choices about what she likes/ dislikes.......I have no problem with that. 
There is no way she is ever going to accept what her father did as ok.......neither will I for that matter, but I worry that she it is affecting her so badly. Of course it was a huge shock, and our family life has changed ......but she hasn't lived at home since before it all happened..
As for my boyfriend......she says she is happy for me, and glad I have found someone but thats not how it come across. I am not happy with her making snide comments about him all the time when she has never met the man. If I pull her up about it, she gets mad with me. I don't think me not being divorced yet is an issue.
The kids have had a hard time, but so have I. Their Dad has stopped making any effort with them, but I can't do that to her. She is my daughter and I love her dearly. I'm not trying to replace her father either.
I am really struggling how to handle this..
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