# cheating?



## mr furious (Oct 18, 2013)

I have been married for 20 years. have two children. one is 20 years old and fighting MD and the other is 16 and doing well in highschool.
over the years i have suspected my wife of cheating and seen some fringe evidence but nothing concrete.
recently due to a change in behavior i decided to take a look at her computer. she has an ipad i bought her and honestly, i dont understand the mac os.
However, I have found quite a bit of evidence.
I have found that she is responding to personal ads for men seeking women on craigslist. chatting up more than a couple of men.
being open about being married and needing more. saying things like "marriage has gone completely sour and plan to get out asap" etc.
I am not going to get into the details of our marriage but i will say that i have always told her, "whatever you need... just be honest. i want you to be happy". im not abusive, have never cheated on her and have suffered through what a lot of married men deal with.
Then I found that she had a page on a dating website stating she is married but available etc. sex is an option (LOL).
She has made verified phone contact with at least one of these men. has his # on her phone! even got me out of the house so she could talk to him and i have the email to prove it. I cant confirm any physical contact as of yet. i am gps tracking her phone and audio recording when possible. working on a keylogger.
SO... here is my question... *Is her having a page on a dating site, responding to personal ads,corresponding with other men about having extramarital activities, stating that our marriage is dead and she is planning to get out... etc, CHEATING? grounds for divorce?* legally? religiously? I know i am kicking her to the curb very soon :smthumbup:, just trying to get that last bit of evidence.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Darned right it's cheating!!!!! Legally I have no idea, but when my husband did the exact same thing I kicked him out of the house the very same day I found out. You can read my story here if you like

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation/32264-hello.html#post434954

You could also ask to have this moved to the Coping with Infidelity section where you'll find lots of people with good input.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

mr furious said:


> SO... here is my question... *Is her having a page on a dating site, responding to personal ads,corresponding with other men about having extramarital activities, stating that our marriage is dead and she is planning to get out... etc, CHEATING? grounds for divorce?* legally? religiously? I know i am kicking her to the curb very soon :smthumbup:, just trying to get that last bit of evidence.


You need a lawyer. If you are in the United States, there is no need for cheating evidence. Every state is a no-fault divorce state. That means you don't need a reason to divorce your wife. And frequently, fault isn't even considered in divorce.

But, laws vary by state and you need to visit a lawyer who can advise you about your own area.
Divorce Information for Men and Fathers | Cordell and Cordell | DadsDivorce.com


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I'm not sure you need more evidence for your sake. Even if none of this has become physical, it's certainly enough to get out of there, asap. I'm a patient guy, and I always give the benefit of the doubt (which is a good AND bad thing), but that... that right there is enough for even me to up and leave. I'd likely do it without even telling her, to be honest. Take my stuff and go, never look back.

However, and I don't know what the laws are where you are, it is entirely possible that if you have a body of evidence when petitioning for divorce, that she could end up with nothing, or significantly less than she'd otherwise be entitled to if it was a divorce based on things just not working out.

Even if that isn't enough legally, you could always take the low road and threaten to "out" her if the divorce doesn't go your way. Take what you want out of that statement. If she has a career, or even if she's somehow involved in the community, or even a public figure in some way, threats of outing her infidelity may make her "cooperate" a little bit better.

That said, make sure your evidence is obtained legally. So many people here are in favour of keyloggers and VARS and all that. Fair enough, if the evidence is for YOU, and YOU only. If it's for the sake of bringing to a lawyer, it's likely they won't even listen to it/see it, if it was obtained in less than legal fashion.

However if you want to use it for non-legal purposes, then that's your prerogative.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Yes, it is cheating!!!!! She is "fishing". She may not have started out to have a full-blown affair, she may be going thru a mid-life crisis, and her intention was to put her profile out and see others as a way to tell herself that she's still attractive, that she's "still got it", etc.

She was wondering if there's life out there, and she found out that, yes, there is indeed other men interested in her. And it's looking like she may have found someone who interests her enough to warrant further study, saying to herself : "What if I ask him more and tell him more about myself? What if we just met up for coffee and a little 'harmless' conversation. What could it hurt?"

You need to EXPOSE her extracurricular activities to her family, friends, church, your family, etc.

Or, you could do a "Pina Colada Song" on her: answer her ad under a false name, and propose a "harmless" meet-up. Man, I'd love to see the look on her face!


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

mr furious said:


> *First off I see the continuum :
> 
> Inappropriate Behavior --> Unfaithfulness --> Cheating.
> 
> ...


Not sure why you need any more evidence.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

mr furious said:


> *Is her having a page on a dating site, responding to personal ads,corresponding with other men about having extramarital activities, stating that our marriage is dead and she is planning to get out... etc, CHEATING? grounds for divorce?* legally? religiously?


Yes


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## lovelifeandwanttoenjoyit (Sep 14, 2013)

mr furious said:


> I have been married for 20 years. have two children. one is 20 years old and fighting MD and the other is 16 and doing well in highschool.
> over the years i have suspected my wife of cheating and seen some fringe evidence but nothing concrete.
> recently due to a change in behavior i decided to take a look at her computer. she has an ipad i bought her and honestly, i dont understand the mac os.
> However, I have found quite a bit of evidence.
> ...


WOW I'm so sorry you have to go through this..... I have less than half of what you have here and by all means is "cheating"!!! Good thing you have a plan...all the best for you!


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## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

If it was me, I would wait for her to leave the house, then pack her suitcases and have them by the door. When she came home, I would show her what you have and after you do, point to the suitcases and tell her "don't let the door hit you where it split you" and tell her to call the guy she met on Craig's list and let him know she's on her way. I would shut down the bank accounts and re open them in you name and hire a lawyer. Yes she going to give you some flim flam excuse but that's only to buy time so she can get herself in order. Don't give her the chance. Once she has all this piled up on her, she's going to realize that it wasn't worth it.


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Get as much physical evidence as possible. If this goes to divorce court and you can prove to the judge she was cheating then you should get a favorable settlement. 

That said, is there a possibility of reconciliation? If she hasn't actually done the deed yet with another guy, just looking, then maybe there is a chance to save 20 years of marriage. If she has done the deed then ya, it's over. Here is what I would do: Get a copy of the evidence in a safe place, screenshots and whatever. Document everything! Get a detailed copy of her phone records and store them all in a safe place outside the house. Then sit her down with a copy of the evidence and confront her and ask her to stop or else the marriage is over. Sometimes doing this can jar people back to reality. Still, i wouldn't blame you if you can't forgive her.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Of course she is cheating. You should have your thread moved to the coping with infidelity section to get more advice on how to proceed.


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