# Repetitive pattern of behavior



## cosquin (Sep 16, 2014)

Sunday morning(is our schedule time). I approach to my wife trying to start something. Her response is apathetic. Despite this I insist, trying to get her in the mood. I ask her what would her like me to do, she does not respond. I try to give her oral sex, she refuses. I try to kiss her nipples, nor let me.
Seeing the scene I dress up and abandon the bedroom angry. The vibe between us is tense and lasts the whole day.
Next day, she is the one starting things, she is so passionate and wants to make love as if we were recent lovers.
This pattern of behavior is reiterating time to time since we got married.
My question: How can a woman go from one end to the other within 24/48 hours? Is that possible?
My deduction:
A- she gets aroused when she wants
B- she pretends the passion


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

I would hate having a schedule.

I'm horney when I'm horney, however I have never once turned my husband down, with a bit of persuasion I will get in the mood if I wasn't there. 

He has turned me down a lot, so I guess I'm not a good person to answer this.


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## Lloyd Dobler (Apr 24, 2014)

cosquin said:


> Sunday morning(is our schedule time). I approach to my wife trying to start something. Her response is apathetic. Despite this I insist, trying to get her in the mood. I ask her what would her like me to do, she does not respond. I try to give her oral sex, she refuses. I try to kiss her nipples, nor let me.
> Seeing the scene I dress up and abandon the bedroom angry. The vibe between us is tense and lasts the whole day.
> Next day, she is the one starting things, she is so passionate and wants to make love as if we were recent lovers.
> This pattern of behavior is reiterating time to time since we got married.
> ...


Sounds to me like a control thing. She wants to be in charge of when she wants to be passionate with you, not the other way around. Is that a pattern in your relationship?


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## BeenThereBefore (Nov 11, 2014)

I had an old girlfriend who loved to get into a big fight and then have makeup sex. 
I really don't like fighting, but she seemed to really like starting a big fight, so I think some people just like doing that kind of thing.


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Yup...she is trying to control you.
If you don't nip this in the bud now things will only get worse.

SHE will end up getting sex when SHE wants it and you will end up only getting sex when SHE wants it. 

When she starts coming on to you, YOU act disinterested. 

I've been there...my wife used to turn me down 90% of the time yet whenever she wanted it she expected me to rise to the occasion enthusiastically. I used to, because if I didnt I'd get nothing. It lead to me going off her and sex and feeling deeply resentful towards her.

Sort it NOW before you start feeling resentful etc.


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## lifelesson01 (Nov 3, 2014)

...or she just wasn't in the mood Sunday morning.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

lifelesson01 said:


> ...or she just wasn't in the mood Sunday morning.


Ya think?


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## cosquin (Sep 16, 2014)

askari said:


> she expected me to rise to the occasion enthusiastically. I used to, because if I didnt I'd get nothing.


The same situation for me. I never reject her because I'm always hungry for sex


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It's a control thing. I hope you turned her down.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

What has she said about this? What have you told her? What have you asked?



How did it come to be there is a regular time?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

OP... sadly, this whole thing sounds just like my failed marriage of 20 years, only in reverse.

Hubs had NO interest in ANYTHING I did on Sunday mornings (or any other morning of the week, for that matter ). Walk into the room NAKED? Nope. Strip-tease from last nights PJs? Uh-uh. Blow job to start your day? No way, Baby.

We finally divorced.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

How long have you been married and do you have children. If she changed right after marriage, consider that the person she presented herself to be before marriage is not who she really is. 

You can make an attempt to get to know the person she is now and see if can form a mutually satisfying loving relationship. Give it a finite period of time and have a plan and expectations for progress. If you don't see any then you may want to pull the plug if there are no children. If there are children, that makes it much harder and requires greater consideration. I think so anyway.


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## cosquin (Sep 16, 2014)

learning to love myself said:


> I would hate having a schedule.


you don't need a schedule time if you're HD. But for those men with wives LD, having a schedule time is important because thus we make sure sex at least once a week.
For others who asked: 20 years of marriage, 2 children already grown


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

I freely acknowledge that I may well be talking out of my backside and misunderstanding the dynamic completely...... so that was my preface to state that I too would hate having a schedule, as well as being asked what to do and how to turn me on. Now this next bit might make you feel like banging your head against the wall but have you tried being spontaneous? Do you know what turns your wife on? What I mean is, not asking her, but paying attention to her cues, the mood, body language. 

How else are you intimate together?


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## cosquin (Sep 16, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> as well as being asked what to do and how to turn me on. Now this next bit might make you feel like banging your head against the wall but have you tried being spontaneous?


Of course that spontaneity is better and I wish I did not have to ask what she wants me to do. That was a last, desperate attempt in front to her indifference. Not a normal procedure. It is not normal that I put my clothes up and leave the bedroom either.
If it were not so, I would not have had need to post here


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

This is not about sex. Basic human empathy and respect is missing. Did you ask her to explain herself? You have to bring it out to the open - shine a light. But make up your mind that leaving is an option if you make a concerted effort to re-establish love and intimacy in your marriage and it fails. 

She seems to be sure that no mater what she does, you will stay. I think you must always have the option of leaving so you don't become doormat. It's not a bad thing, it's human nature. We all have a tendency to devalue what comes easily and we think we have in our back pocket. 

Ask her if she is ready to hear what you have to say because you will tell her. You are interested to find out what she feels. Let her know that you want to improve the relationship so that you are both loving with intimate with each other. Present a plan. 

She may go along for a short period of time. But let her know from the beginning that you are not forcing her to stay married if she does not care about you. Let her know you will be able to tell if she loves you by sustained action not words. 

Give it a finite period of time. If it stays the same, what would you like to do?


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

lifelesson01 said:


> ...or she just wasn't in the mood Sunday morning.


Under normal circumstances this would probably be correct, however the OP statues that this is a repetitive pattern of behavior. If this is a normal thing between them (he initiates, she turns him down, then initiates herself later), I'd say this is probably more of a control issue.


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## Green Eyes (Nov 20, 2014)

Have you pointed this pattern out to her? It does sound like a control issue. But talk to her and see what she says.

I'd not care for scheduled sex. It would make it feel like a chore for me. Maybe that's how she sees it.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

It could be controlling behavior, or it could be that she felt bad about saying no and wanted to make it up to you. 

Scheduled sex doesn't mean automatic sex. Do you really want to have sex with someone who doesn't have the slightest inclination to do so, scheduled or not?

Next time after you have sex the day after the scheduled day, just tell her it was great, you appreciated her coming to you, wished you had it yesterday but was glad you connected today.


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## cosquin (Sep 16, 2014)

Chris Taylor said:


> It could be controlling behavior, or it could be that she felt bad about saying no and wanted to make it up to you.


She is shy and no talkative, It's not easy to talk with her. 
Knowing her as I think I know, I'm almost sure it's the second one


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