# Wife is leaving me. Is there any hope?



## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

I've been married for 3 years, together for 4. I'm 31. She's 27. No kids. I've been financially supporting her, but my income has decreased significantly. She doesn't work. 

My wife and I talked after she had left for a family visit for over a month, when she became more and more distant and angry towards me. I remained calm and listened. She told me everything that's been bothering her with our relationship and cried through most of it. She says it's half my family and half me, and she went through a list of why. She dreams of a happy life with her in-laws, but said she will never have that with me. She thinks my mother and brother hate her and always will. She also thought that I never stood up to them enough when defending her. She says that they've caused our relationship to go down and down.

As for me, she said I've been overly critical of her repeatedly over the past 3 years about her clothes, body, our sex life and even her choice of shows she likes. She says I don't take her out to dance enough, and I'm unhappy when I do. She brought up trips that we've taken that she didn't think I was excited for. She's been waiting for me to give her a dream wedding because we eloped when we got married. She feels that I haven't been trying to have the wedding and get her new ring because I've bought other things instead, and she's been waiting 3 years. She thinks I'm too impatient and get angry as a result, which pushes her away more and more. 

She doesn't think I will change. She thinks I will always be too impatient and critical. And she knows my family will never change. She said that she doesn't want me or my family to change if we tried because she thinks it would be fake and not a natural change.

She's given up on me. She says things have gone too far to where she doesn't care anymore. She won't see a marriage counselor. She's done with me.

I'm heartbroken. We both still said we love each other. I got a little emotional because I know my impatience and criticism is coming from my financial and family stress, and I told her that I wish she could see that and let me get help. I know I've wronged her so many times. I've been under constant stress since we got married, and I have plenty of low points where I lash out. I haven't been the same person she first met. I don't have enough money for her dream wedding and ring. I know I need help and want to get it. She said it didn't matter and it's too late. I asked her to at least take some time to think about what I said and not make a decision yet. She said her mind was made up before she came to talk. She wants to end it. Once she makes up her mind that's it. 

We ended our talk calmly. We hugged a few times. I told her I love her and hope she will at least consider what I said about getting help. I don't think she will change her mind. I think it's over. She's taking her things and leaving tomorrow. I feel like such a fool and a jerk.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

Why doesn't she work?


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

I take care of her financially. She had part time jobs before we moved here. It was more to keep her busy, and so I would have time to myself for my work from home. She looked for a job when we moved here, but gave up after one interview. This was over 6 months ago. I told her she would have to get a job when she got back for her long family visit, which would be now.


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## ChknNoodleSoup (Oct 20, 2012)

I'm sorry. This is a rough spot to be in. I know from my own MC a lot of that can be addressed through it. So go to a few sessions.. Tell her it's even find closure if you want and when you're there the counselor will ask why you're here and you both get to tell your side of the story. Maybe she'll gain some perspective.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

mr.mike said:


> I take care of her financially. She had part time jobs before we moved here. It was more to keep her busy, and so I would have time to myself for my work from home. She looked for a job when we moved here, but gave up after one interview. This was over 6 months ago. I told her she would have to get a job when she got back for her long family visit, which would be now.



So, she's an entitled princess...


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

HappyKaty said:


> So, she's an entitled princess...


Yes, she has been taken care of her whole life by her rich father. She's from another country, and he cut her off financially when she decided to stay here. Soon after that, I met her. I didn't have a problem taking care of her financially at first. But my debt has grown and my income decreased, which has led to so much stress and me battling depression.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

So tell me again what she brings to the marriage?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

ChknNoodleSoup said:


> I'm sorry. This is a rough spot to be in. I know from my own MC a lot of that can be addressed through it. So go to a few sessions.. Tell her it's even find closure if you want and when you're there the counselor will ask why you're here and you both get to tell your side of the story. Maybe she'll gain some perspective.


She refused MC repeatedly when I asked her during our talk. She doesn't think it will do any good. It's too late. We're broken.


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

Dollystanford said:


> So tell me again what she brings to the marriage?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She does household work like cooking all our meals, the laundry and cleaning the kitchen. She goes grocery shopping. Other than that, not much besides love.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

mr.mike said:


> She refused MC repeatedly when I asked her during our talk. She doesn't think it will do any good. *It's too late. We're broken*.


Or...

It's too late. She wants more money.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Not much evidence of love - just blaming you for all the perceived wrongs In the marriage with no insight into her own possible failings no? I take it daddy would support her again if she went running back to him?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

Dollystanford said:


> Not much evidence of love - just blaming you for all the perceived wrongs In the marriage with no insight into her own possible failings no? I take it daddy would support her again if she went running back to him?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No insight really besides her saying that we're incompatible because I'm too impatient and she's very patient. Also, she says we have different interests that don't mix like me wanting to stay home watching movies and her wanting to go out to dance. 

Her dad has been trying to get her to come back to him since he cut off support. He doesn't know we eloped. I have since met him and asked for his permission to marry her, which he granted a couple years ago. But, he thinks she's just messing with me now and should come back if we're not getting married.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

So, she rebelled against Daddy but now that your income has dropped it ain't so much fun anymore? My bet is Daddy agreed to turn the gravy train back on if she leaves you and she chose the money. Sorry for your pain, but I would advise you let her go and be thankful you never got around to having any kids. Look at some of her gripes to see that she is little more than an entitled child. What kind of future do you see with her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

HappyKaty said:


> Or...
> 
> It's too late. She wants more money.


I don't think she wants money. She could have that if she went back to live with her father. She's planning to sign her car that I bought her over to me today. She also will probably want to divorce me without lawyers. She does want security, sure, which is fine with me. But, unfortunately I can't afford the fancy ring and wedding that she has wanted for 3 years. It makes me feel like such a loser.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

mr.mike said:


> No insight really besides her saying that we're incompatible because I'm too impatient and she's very patient. Also, she says we have different interests that don't mix like me wanting to stay home watching movies and her wanting to go out to dance.
> 
> Her dad has been trying to get her to come back to him since he cut off support. He doesn't know we eloped. I have since met him and asked for his permission to marry her, which he granted a couple years ago. But, he thinks she's just messing with me now and should come back if we're not getting married.


So you say she is very patient, but unwilling to invest some time and effort into marriage counseling? Doesn't make sense to me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

zookeeper said:


> So you say she is very patient, but unwilling to invest some time and effort into marriage counseling? Doesn't make sense to me.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


She's definitely more patient than me. But, I agree it doesn't make sense. She says that she's already given up and it's past the point of no return.


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

Open your eyes, friend. She opines for the dream wedding you can no longer afford and refuses to get a job to help pay for it herself? That's an entitled princess. So what if she gives back the car? Daddy likely promised her a better one. Again, what kind of future do you expect to have with her?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

Her dad offered her her own clothing store if she wanted it years ago if she came back to her country. She hates her stepmother, and didn't want to go back.

It seems like she will probably stay with her sister here until she finds a nicer version of me with a fatter wallet and a family that loves her. But, she does want to go back to take care of her father in 10 years as he's getting older. 

I don't know what kind of future I expected with her anymore. I thought I could handle taking care of her and we would enjoy life together, travel, have kids eventually and grow old together. I thought we could enjoy living here and in her country. I didn't think we would end so abruptly.


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

My wife is packing everything of hers and leaving. She's signing over her car to me. She returned her Xmas present from me that can only be used here. She won't reconsider anything from our talk. The only thing she said she might do is see a marriage counselor once to give me closure but not to fix our marriage, which I asked for.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

Ooph.

I am sorry, but she is definitely a princess and not prepared to go through the tough times with you. 

You may be better off that this happened earlier than later. 

Are you sure she's not seeing someone else already? Do you have access to her phone records?


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

I agree that she's a princess because that's how she was raised. Her dad definitely spoiled her. 

My stress in the tough times has led to far too much criticism and anger towards her. I can see how it would have built up inside her until the breaking point. I should have been more introspective, but for some reason I had blinders on. I hate that I've criticized her so much without provocation or reason. I don't know why I was trying to change her because I love the way she is. 

I really don't think she's seeing anyone. Her sister said that my wife's been unhappy, sick, crying and lashing out at her for the past month. She sleeps 13 hours a day and won't talk to anyone. When she does, she's irritable and defensive. 

She's still here with all her stuff packed and ready to go tomorrow. She was crying on and off the whole time packing. It may be the last time I ever see her. I hope I don't breakdown after she leaves.


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## rickster (Jan 14, 2013)

Hope? 

You hope she'll magically change her mind, come back, and you'll live happily ever after. 

Nope. Mines left, and theres not a chance in hell i'll ever take her back. Leavings taking it too far. She could have stayed and slugged it out, tried to save it. But she left, and whats to stop her doing it again?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

I agree that she should have been fair with me and tried to seriously fix our problems before leaving like this. A lot of our disagreements are superficial. But, she just couldn't take my unhappiness and constant criticism anymore. I pushed and pushed until she was gone. I kept trying to change her, and I didn't even know why. She's traumatized now.

I'm going to seek help for my stress and anger. I'm also going to start working out and trying to get normal sleep again. I need to start working on myself.

She agreed that she will keep seeing a therapist. She wants to cut off all support from me, and she signed over her car to me. She was crying on and off all morning.

I just drove her to the airport and let her go. I told her that I love her and just want her to be happy. She said I'm a good person and wished me the best, and then left for her flight. I hope she considers what I said about trying to fix my problems and doesn't give up on me. But, for now she's done talking and is moving on. I won't be contacting her because it won't help. This is the worst day of my life.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

Mike, I am so sorry. I don't have any magic words of wisdom. I'm just starting this journey, but you are not alone in your grief.


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

She just texted me "Thank you for everything  I will always appreciate you forever."

Should I respond to this?


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

No.


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## HappyKaty (Nov 20, 2012)

I wouldn't.


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## rickster (Jan 14, 2013)

Mike, it will get better, i promise. Im 3 weeks ahead of you and im much happier already. The 1st few days i was very low, but ive picked up very quickly. Go out and enjoy yourself, tidy your house, exercise hard, drink sone orange juice, get out into the sun, and ask your doctor for a vitamin d injection.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## mr.mike (Jan 25, 2013)

I know I need to stop blaming myself and snap out of it. I will fix my own issues. But, if she was serious about loving and being married to me, she wouldn't give up like this. And she's extremely stubborn, so there's no changing her mind or point in trying to. She's mentally unstable when angered and always has been, so she has her own anger issues. It's not just me. I recall one valentine's day when she was screaming at me and hitting herself because we got in a fight over bringing my dog along for a day trip I planned for us to a fun beachside city that allows dogs everywhere, which she thought was insulting. She went for a 3 hour walk just to calm down. She's complained about other trips or nights out I planned if they weren't perfect for her. She can be one angry princess.

I didn't respond to the text, so she called later to tell me the same bs from the text and to tell me to cut off her phone from our plan.

Thank god for no kids. She originally wanted kids when we got married, but soon changed her mind after nannying for the worst kid ever that drove her insane for months. Or at least she claimed that was the reason.


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