# Talking about exes



## Sam7474 (May 21, 2019)

Hi everyone. For the men. What would you think or feel if your wife told u her ex was good in bed and she liked it? For the women. Would you admit this to your husband if he asked you this?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Be careful of asking questions that you might not like the answer to!


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

We never discussed it like that. But I’d expect that if they weren’t good or she didn’t like it they’d be referred to as “someone I ****ed” (probably just once) and not as an “ex”. YMMV.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Sam7474 said:


> ...... For the men. What would you think or feel if your wife told u her ex was good in bed and she liked it? ......


Well, first, I would think that I probably needed to up my game. 

In theory, after I got over the "WTF is she doing saying that to me" moment, I would probably complement her on her candor and bravery for telling me that. 

However, since I met my wife when she was a virgin, she has a low libido, she is incredibly sexually inhibited, and I am the only man she has ever had sex with, I am not too concerned about the conversation ever happening. 

In fact just about any open and honest conversation about sex between us is something to celebrate. 

So much for marrying what seemed like a horny girl educated in a Catholic boarding school by a bunch of nuns. When they say Nun, they really mean NONE. Don't be fooled by the white knee socks & saddle shoes, rolled up plaid school girl skirt (lots of thigh showing), partially unbuttoned overflowing white shirt, and ponytail blond hair. Damn, she was hot! 

.....but they are easy to take home to meet your parents, don't (at least this one) cheat on you. and make good mothers for your children.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I'd never ask. She has never asked (and we've been married 30 years).

If she wants me to change what I do in bed, I hope she will find a way to let me know. Otherwise if a partner claims that sex is good and doesn't ask or hint at anything else, all you can do is assume that they are telling the truth.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Each relationship, in and of itself, is totally different, both physiologically and psychologically, in its own right!

Having said that, I really don't give a Tinker's damn as to how good or bad that a girlfriends ex was in bed with her!

My relationship is with her and her's is with me, and if either of us fails to please the other, then the remedy is to work at getting better or to "just move on!"*


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## VibrantWings (Sep 8, 2017)

Sam7474 said:


> What would you think or feel if your wife told u her ex was good in bed and she liked it? For the women. Would you admit this to your husband if he asked you this?


No....rather hell no


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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

Sam7474 said:


> Hi everyone. For the men. What would you think or feel if your wife told u her ex was good in bed and she liked it? For the women. Would you admit this to your husband if he asked you this?


When we were dating, my wife unintentionally implied that her last lover was good in bed and had a larger penis that felt better than mine. I wasn’t bothered. I did ask her at another point what he did that she liked, and I learned some new foreplay techniques from that.

My brother told me that his wife was talking with my brother about a guy she dated with a really big ****. He asked if it hurt. She said oh no, it felt really good! He apparently looked hurt and she said, “yours feels good, too!” I don’t think he was really hurt.

One of my SILs told a lover that she loved having anal sex with him because his size didn’t hurt her like other guys. The guy flipped out, said she’d just emasculated him, and afterward he attempted to use revenge porn on her, among other things.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

He asked and I told him. He then asked what it was the guy did that I liked so much. I wanted to know why he was asking me that, and he said he wanted to do it the same way to make sure he pleased me. So, I refused to tell him because I didn't want the reminder of another man and I like what he does just as well, so he didn't need to know. 

A former boyfriend asked, but I lied and told he was the best I ever had.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

There is another thread about this topic going.

But I’ll answer here in the way this question was asked. 

I am always honest with new potential partners that I’ve had a good sex life for most of my adult life. In particular, usually new potential partners and I will discuss our relationship with our ex spouse. In that conversation I’ll mention that my sex life with my exh was good and that part of our life was not a negative in our marriage. 

I have heard lots of answers by guys in these conversations. Many who have had great sex since divorce but their marriage sex sucked. For me, whatever I hear, I’m just listening. I don’t judge. I am happy for them if they had a good sex life before me (and usually this means they will have good sex with me too). I am bummed for them if they did not have a good sex life before me, but I don’t assume they can’t have a good one with me just because of that. 

I have not had anyone ask me straight up if any ex was a better lover than they are, but it has accidentally come up once. When it did, I did not give a straight answer, and my lover knew immediately that it was not appropriate to push further so we just laughed it off. He also knew for sure that he was rocking my world, so even if he did conclude that my ex was a better lover for me, he did not act weird or ask any more questions. It really was irrelevant to our sex life together, because ours was really awesome and I had no complaints, only praises.

If a guy volunteered something about his best lover in a way that was not meant to bother me, I would probably be fine with it and just happy for him. If he was saying it with some weirdness packed into it, of course it would make me feel weird.

I would never ask such a question. I may ask other questions because I am curious and nosey. But asking who was your best and was it someone other than me, no I would never ever ask that. It’s a question designed to create a divide.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

Sam7474 said:


> Hi everyone. For the men. What would you think or feel if your wife told u her ex was good in bed and she liked it? For the women. Would you admit this to your husband if he asked you this?



I would probably ask for more details. With a massive hard on. What else is there to do on Thursday nights?



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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

StarFires said:


> A former boyfriend asked, but I lied and told he was the best I ever had.



Why did you do it correctly only once and not both times? 




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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

CraigBesuden said:


> “yours feels good, too!” I



Comeback of the week!



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## CraigBesuden (Jun 20, 2019)

StarFires said:


> I wanted to know why he was asking me that, and he said he wanted to do it the same way to make sure he pleased me. So, I refused to tell him because I didn't want the reminder of another man and I like what he does just as well, so he didn't need to know.


My wife kept trying to get me to stop using Listerine. She said the anti-cavity wash was better. Eventually she admitted that her ex used Listerine and she didn’t want to be reminded of him, so I get that.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

CraigBesuden said:


> One of my SILs told a lover that she loved having anal sex with him because his size didn’t hurt her like other guys. The guy flipped out, said she’d just emasculated him, and afterward he attempted to use revenge porn on her, among other things.


"You're just the right fit for me" and the guy gets an inferiority complex.
Some people and their feefees. lol


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

InMyPrime said:


> Why did you do it correctly only once and not both times?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Well, that depends on which one you're saying was done correctly. :grin2:


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Sam7474 said:


> For the women. Would you admit this to your husband if he asked you this?


Of course I've "admitted" to my husband I've had good sex with previous partners. So has he. So what?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Sam7474 said:


> Hi everyone. For the men. What would you think or feel if your wife told u her ex was good in bed and she liked it? For the women. Would you admit this to your husband if he asked you this?


It wouldn't and doesn't bother me at all, my hope is any of my sexual partners have had a terrific sex life outside of being with me.

In practice with my wife she relates that her previous sexual partner wasn't very good at sex, yet she still did have fun and enjoy some of what she did with him. My wife was a late starter with sex, so she hadn't had much experience before me. Given that, I have told her it's a shame she wasn't having fun playing with others a lot earlier.

One funny thing with my wife is that it turned out that we have both had sex in a nightclub although not with each other. She remembers the excitement of that fondly as do I when I did the same.

likewise one of my previous long term sexual partners and I also sometimes compared notes. Like me she was very experienced sexually and knew all sorts of tricks as did I.

She related that she had a range of varying qualities with different sexual partners. Some were great in bed and she certainly enjoyed the great and good ones. She even told me how the night we met, she had sex with a guy on a train on the way home and had a great time doing so. It never bothered me, since she was like me in that she enjoys sex, doesn't have hangups about it and is good and game.

I hope everyone gets to have great sex with whoever they consensually have it with. So all going well anyone who has had previous sexual partners, should hopefully and ideally have had a terrific time sexually in their past.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Sam7474 said:


> Hi everyone. For the men. What would you think or feel if your wife told u her ex was good in bed and she liked it? For the women. Would you admit this to your husband if he asked you this?


I may have an unusual take on this one. My wife had but one partner before me. He was selfish and abusive. I know he was no good in any way, including in bed. Now to a lot of guys that would be a source of comfort. 

But I'd prefer he was a whole lot better.... for two reasons:

1. I don't like that my wife had such pain from anything, including her first lover. I'd much rather she had a positive experience there, just as I wish the same for the rest of her life. 

2. That bad experience was one of a string of experiences starting from her childhood that gave her a negative view of sex. So even if I didn't have an intrinsic concern for her, just in selfishness, I'd want her to have a much more positive view of sex which would benefit me. 

I would have much rather told me her previous was great than tell me it was awful. If he was awesome, it would only inspire me to do better, and maybe to ask her if there were any lessons learned she could share with me.


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

Here is the way I see this. My wife might say I am the best in bed compared to her ex. However there was a time I'm sure they were the best in bed. That's because her emotions were met by them and she loved them. Now there is a reason those guys are an ex and I'm married to her. Her first husband she was married to for a long time. The sex had to be good with him. Do I care? No. Why should I?


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

uhtred said:


> I'd never ask. She has never asked (and we've been married 30 years).
> 
> If she wants me to change what I do in bed, I hope she will find a way to let me know. Otherwise if a partner claims that sex is good and doesn't ask or hint at anything else, all you can do is assume that they are telling the truth.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

I agree with @Rocky Mountain Yeti. Part of me wishes that my wife's previous experience with sex had been more positive, so that she could be more sex-positive with me.
Of course, if it had been, then she never would have married me, so her attitude toward sex would not be relevant to me at all.


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