# How is this any better?



## Seuferwoman (Jun 8, 2014)

So for those that would like to read the back story leading to how I got here, here is the link. http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/198418-how-handle-lies.html#post9100898

Ok so I am four days into this separation. My emotions feel like a roller coaster, one minute I am so mad at him the next I just want to call him and tell him I love him. I am just so lost right now. 

Yesterday he called and asked to come by and visit our son. I am completely ok with that because it is us going through this separation our son should not suffer. He also asked that when he came could he get some more of his stuff. I said thats fine too. He tells me he has from 11 to 3 to visit.

He shows up at 11, hugs and loves on our son for a few minutes, and then proceeds to packing stupid stuff. Like his high school class ring and tassel, board games, and other really stupid stuff. He spends most of his time packing. At 1:30 he is like I'm going to put this in the car and probably just go. I know I made a face at him because he says What. I tell him I find it humorous that he claims he wants to spend time with his son but packs his stuff and leaves. He says I'm sure you do, then goes to the bathroom for about 10 mins. Comes out and plays with our son for another 10 to 15 minutes. Then he finds me in the house and tells me that he doesn't want to spend every time he visits packing and wanted to get it all done this visit so that he can enjoy his visits with our son from now on. Then he hugs and kisses our son tells him he is going to work (our son is two and we haven't told him yet), then leaves. 

I am just so floored that he didn't spend more time with our son. In a way it makes me so happy with my decision because it shows me he is still acting like a child and being selfish. I mean why do you need your high school class ring and tassel really at 31 years old. Especially when you could be spending time with your son. If it was me that was in his place, and I was here to visit I would not care about any of that crap and would be playing with my son the whole time. And would not leave until I absolutely had to. 

On the one hand I am so glad that I have finally stood up for my self and told him to leave. But I also feel really sad because a part of me was hoping that having his stuff packed would be his "Oh Crap" moment. And maybe it was but we are not talking at all about anything but our son, finances, and his stuff so I wouldn't know for sure. It really doesn't seem to be affecting him in any way other than the inconvenience of having to drive so much farther for work. 

Here I am having to hear our son ask about daddy multiple times a day. Which is not unusual because he was barely home before the split in time to see our son before bed, if he even came home. But I have to hear it all day from our son and every time he asks I just want to cry. Then I get angry wanting to know why he would hurt us this way. Why would he pretend to want me back so many times if he really knew he didn't want to be here. All I'm left with is the recent memories (like a week ago) of him coming home so happy to see me that he swoops me up in his arms and kisses me. Then the next day he is off doing his own thing and lying to me about it.

It just makes me feel so hurt. I really can't think of a word that describes my pain right now. He gets to walk out and party after work with his friends any time he wants or do anything that he wants through out the day. He gets to live the life that he so wanted the whole time. And here I am still home every night because I have my son to care for, still not getting to really do anything for my self. Other than not having to hear his lies anymore how is this any better for me? At least before he did come home sometimes and I got help with our son. 

Please someone tell me how is this 180 thing is any better for me? I mean it has made his life exactly the way he wanted it, no responsibilities unless he wants them.


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