# "looking at other women" problem



## jose (Jan 30, 2010)

hi everybody,

I am 33yrs male married since #6 months. The problem I have is that my wife told me that when we are out together, I am looking at other women.

I don't know if what I do is considered “looking at other women”, it happened sometimes that a woman passes by and I look at her for like a second or so.
I didn't even think about that until my wife brought it up.

I told her that it is natural and all men do the same, but she said that it annoys her, and that she considers it part of the fidelity. She is also annoyed why she didn't notice that before marriage.

We agreed that I will try not to look again, now she is telling me that i am forcing myself not to look, and that’s not enough for her to feel secure.

Everything else in our relation is great except when we are out she brings that issue up again

I don't know what to do now 
Please help


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## BigBadWolf (Nov 30, 2009)

Looking at other women in front of your woman is bad. 

Having your woman to have to tell you this is even worse. 

I am hoping you see this difference, and why your woman is still upest no matter now what you are doing.

The real issue is your woman is not feeling secure in the relationship.

Start with that issue.

The looking at other woman or not, well, sorry to say but for now you will not win no matter what on that one, again because you have already had to let your woman lead you, and so in your woman's mind you both cannot be trusted to control yourself, and need to be told what to do by your woman. 

So for now, work on the things that make your woman feel secure, and that is simply make it clear you are in control of yourself, and make sure your woman knows how much you desire her.

For the man that has both self-control, and is letting his woman know that he is desiring her, this is going to wither and kill her insecurity. 

So of course looking at other women in front of your own woman is disrespectful and you need to discourage yourself from doing so in the future from doing so. This will take time, but in actions, not words, show her that you are thinking enough of her to not be distracted by some other woman. She will notice this.

But even if in the future you are caught guilty again, will not be so crushing to your woman if in the relationship, she is secure knowing where she stands with you, her man. 

And even if in the future she does need to remind you, and she does so from a position of security, this will more often lead to humor between you, or even for her to have the opportunity to show you how much more a woman is she than these other women. This is good. 

If instead she is correcting you from a position of insecurity, this will only lead to resentment, and cause sexual and emotional disconnect. This is bad.

So for now, do not be the like the dog with his tail between his legs, but instead continue to be confident, to show in no small way that you are very much desiring your woman, and she is not in threat from some other woman. 

And this is needing to be done by action mainly, and not so much by words.

And if there are other issues in the relationship that are needing to be worked on, then of course it is for you to see these things yourself, and take the action from your own leadership.

When your woman sees you being this kind of man, then it is exactly what she is looking for.

I wish you well.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

What can you do to make her feel secure in your marriage? This is all about her thinking you will leave her for someone 'better'. Do you know what your 'Love Busters' are - what you do that upsets her? Ask her, and then stop doing them!

Do you know what her top needs are? Could be honesty, conversation, recreation, help with domestic support, financial support...things like that. Find out and make sure you always supply them.


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## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

Don't agree on anything? She only going get more posessive
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## HappyAtLast (Jan 25, 2010)

I know that it's natural to look at other women, but PLEASE do NOT do this while you and your wife are out in public. We women like to compare ourselves to other women, and deep down, I think we are afraid to lose our men to someone prettier and/or younger.
What if your wife looked at other men while you were out together?


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## CaliRN (Jan 2, 2010)

i dont care if she looks at other men, its these stupid childish insecurities that cause problems. Unless your physically drooling over these women then thats a problem. A man who doent look at women is either trained or gay


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

I think it's a test rather than a legit compliant.

Bump back a little. "Lol you got me baby, how about you take me home and spank me"


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## 63Vino (Dec 23, 2009)

Ha, You need to be respectful of your wife. Its seems you guys dont talk about things like this.
What I mean is. Just because your married does NOT mean that you each won't find other people attractive. She needs to feel secure that even though she may not be Jolie, your hers and are not going anywhere and likewise your not Pitt and hopefully she's not going anywhere.
You should be able to look at girls together and comment, Oh she's gotta nice "***" without causing the insecurities.

Until you get to that point by having better communication, you need to pay attention to your actions and dont be a caveman. Its probably compltely unconscious that you do this. PAY ATTENTION.

I wonder if you were talking to her at a restaurant and all of the sudden you realized that she was not listening and her eyes were following some guy around the room. Hopefully you could appreciate her appreciation for someone else. But Im guessing you'd get hit with a jolt of jealousy too!!!


Thats my two cents... other than that, study BBW response.


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## jose (Jan 30, 2010)

actually I don't mind my wife watch other guys, I won't feel insecure.

I think men and women will always have different views on that issue.

For me (and maybe for most men) I don't intend to look at other women, most of the time it happens on the subconscious level, that’s why I think it is natural. If my wife wants me not to look then I have to force myself not to look.


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## francescadomonique (Jan 31, 2010)

Everyman probably catches a glimpse of someone else they are atracted to even if they are in a relationship. However, If your wife or girlfriend notices, your "glimpse" is too long!! 
Need more advice 
email me at [email protected]


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## J34 (Jan 10, 2010)

i think most couples come across that issue. women are jealous creatures- i am living proof. but as long as you are not intentionally looking at other women and it's not to the point where it's obvious not only to your wife but everyone else around. then she should not have a problem with that. it's human nature- and her keeping hawk eyes on you will only make things uncomfortabe and weird to the point you two won't even enjoy going out in public together. your wife is going to have to understand/accept that and really work on her insecurities. Insecurities and low self esteem do not disappear over night, so just work with her on that and remain patient  Good luck you two newlyweds you


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