# Lost... again



## JustLookingWest25 (Aug 23, 2013)

I am so lost and empty.

My wife and I have been together for since December of 2007. Before we were married, we went off and on a number of times at both of our behests. She was bi-polar and would hate everyone, and I would get tired of dealing with her bull****.

We moved in together during our first year.

A number of times during the second year, she either broke up with me or couldn't decide whether or not to stay with me in favor of her best friend (male). A lot of emotional cheating.
I tried to be understanding. 

Our third year, she joined a website for cheaters and while she met several men she "only" slept with two of them. I took her back.

Our third year was spent recovering from her infidelity.

Our fourth year was passed, mostly, in harmony. I understood when she told me about having thoughts and dreams about her ex-boyfriend (different guy from before) and then, at the end, more emotional cheating with him.

Our fifth year, just after a really dark period, she got pregnant and we got married. The pregancy was awful to deal with her. She screamed at me every day and threatened divorce a lot. 

Full-disclosure, the day of our wedding, I kissed an old friend of mine when we both realized that we had feelings for each other during the conversation where I had to tell her that my wife-to-be did not want her at the wedding.

Fast-forward to now: after weeks of fighting, we said that we wanted a divorce and took some time apart to clear our heads and while she was gone I went through her email and found messages and pictures to her ex-boyfriend. After a week apart, she came home and left the next day when he drove up from TX to pick her up. Before she left, I told her about the friend from our wedding day. She had sex with her old-new boyfriend that night.

Two days later, she flew back and told me that she had made (yet another) mistake and wanted to try to work it out.

If it wasn't for our child, I'd tell her to pound sand/FOAD, but I really don't know what to do.

I can give answers to any questions but I just got home off a 12-hour shift and need sleep.

Thank you for letting me vent.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

Dude...you married a serial cheater. You should get a DNA test for the kid, an STD test for yourself, and kick her to the curb.

Time to end the madness. There is nothing to salvage here, and staying together for the child won't help you or the child. If the child is yours, you should try to get full or joint custody and be involved.

You should have no other contact with that cancer, except where the child is concerned (if it's your child). There is nothing redeeming here at all. Get divorced.


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## Burned (Jul 13, 2013)

I'm sorry your going through this, Sounds like you have a serial cheater on your hands. I would try and end this before you get in any deeper, the pain will only get worse when you find out more and more about who she really is. Again I'm sorry you and you child have to go through this. 

When you kissed your old "friend" was it in revenge or do you have feelings for her?

Her mistakes are more choices she is making. Don't forget that, we all make mistakes but those are her choices.


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

OP,

Your instinct is correct on this. Tell her to pound sand.

This is now the third time (at a minimum) she has gone off and had a PA, and one can only guess at the number of EA's she has carried on.

She will never stop. You have to save yourself from this insanity.

Concentrate on creating a new life for you and your kids.


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## Lovemytruck (Jul 3, 2012)

Dyokemm said:


> OP,
> 
> Your instinct is correct on this. Tell her to *pound sand*.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

That is exactly what she should pound. 

You will be a better father as a divorced person. This lifestyle is more corrosive than a D.


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## JustLookingWest25 (Aug 23, 2013)

@tulsy: yes, the kid is mine.
@Burned: its complicated, but yes I had feelings for her.

This all just hurts so much because I do still love her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

JustLookingWest25 said:


> @tulsy: yes, the kid is mine.
> @Burned: its complicated, but yes I had feelings for her.
> 
> This all just hurts so much because I do still love her.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Is she having treatment for her condition?


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## Dyokemm (Apr 24, 2013)

OP,

I hate to say this because it sounds callous or mean, but you need to kill those feelings ASAP.

That love you had was for a person that either only truly existed in your mind/imagination, or she existed in the past and is long gone.

The longer you hang on to this idealized image of her and the love you have for that image, the worse and more painful it will be for you.

Kill it.

How?

With absolute hate and total indignation at the disrespect and pain she has delivered into your life.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Based on what the OP has shared, this sounds like a destructive and doomed relationship. Sadly there is a child and the needs of the kid need to be uppermost but that does not automatically mean stay together.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Sigh!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maneo said:


> Based on what the OP has shared, this sounds like a destructive and doomed relationship. Sadly there is a child and the needs of the kid need to be uppermost but that does not automatically mean stay together.


:iagree:

Please don't be he only examble of a relationship your kid has to witness!
Do your child a favor and find someone that will bring the best out of you. Find a women that can be a better examble of what a healthy relationship is all about.

I have a feeling staying with the mother of your child will just continue this unhealthy cycle of how not to be happy!

Your kid diserves better then that!

Your kid just might see what a father can be, while the mother continues to screw up relation after relation due to a untreated contition....your wife just might make a good example of what not to do when it comes to relationships.


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Judging by the screen name and the timeline of your relationship, I'm guessing you're 25...which would make her your high school (or college) sweetheart. It's hard to let that person go - but there are so many more people worthy of your time going forward, as she has proven to you. She didn't turn out to be the sweet little lady you always presumed she was. And clearly you were already considering checking out on your wedding day...so...you know you need to end this and move on.

Are you prepared to file for divorce, or are you waiting for her to?

Because she'll keep leaving in a huff, sleeping with other men and crawling back to you two days later for as long as you let her...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

You need to take care of you first. I am bi-polar and had problems when I was younger with boundaries but never never did I put my family through anything as crazy as you are going through and a child to think of also. Get out take the child and provide a stable environment. Period.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I would suggest that you take a forced break from her so that you can allow yourself to settle down from the drama that she brings into your life. Take some time to see how life can be if it's not a constant Lifetime movie. Let some peace and normalcy seep into your life with your child, some routine and average, everyday living.

If you do this, you will see that the love you feel for your WW is a toxic love. It isn't a deep, lasting, healthy love. She needs help and you can't fix her. The best you can do is help her get some help. You need to be the stable one for your child. That has to be the number one priority.

So, take some time away with just you and your child. Find those normal things that happy, well-adjusted people do. Once you're there, then think about making a decision about your M.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

Op focus on yourself and the child. You do not need to stay married to this person to be a great dad. Think about the example you will set for the child. 

Get checked for stds. 
Speak to a lawyer about your options.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You are a fixer, (IMO). You can't fix her. Get out.


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