# Need Some Advice



## MandiD (Jun 24, 2013)

My husband and I recently got married and we have talked about having kids but haven't tried yet. I'm worried that he might not want kids and is just telling me what I want to hear. I have been wanting kids for the last couple years. Is there any advice you can give me?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Do you have a reason to not believe him?


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## MandiD (Jun 24, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Do you have a reason to not believe him?


I really don't have a reason not to believe him but he was married before for almost 5 years and had no children of that marriage.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

MandiD said:


> I really don't have a reason not to believe him but he was married before for almost 5 years and had no children of that marriage.


Do you know why he didn't have kids in that marriage? 

How old are you two?


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## MandiD (Jun 24, 2013)

Mavash. said:


> Do you know why he didn't have kids in that marriage?
> 
> How old are you two?


She had some health issues and they were not ready for kids at that point. They didn't know if she could have kids. I'm 22 and he's 29.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

When you've talked about having kids, have you talked about when you would have them?


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## MandiD (Jun 24, 2013)

norajane said:


> When you've talked about having kids, have you talked about when you would have them?


He just ignores the question on when to try or he changes the conversion.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You're both young. You're newly married. 

My bets on he doesn't want to have kids right away and is afraid to tell you.

Let this go (for now) and decide for yourself how long you are willing to wait. And given your age you have plenty of time.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

MandiD said:


> He just ignores the question on when to try or he changes the conversion.


Then you're right - he's probably not ready for kids. 

You said you were recently married? He might need to settle into your marriage first before being ready to change his life again.


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## MandiD (Jun 24, 2013)

I know we are recently married but we have been common law married for 3 years. I feel like he might not even want kids at all. I'm just not sure what to think and how to feel.


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## JustHer (Mar 12, 2013)

Write him a letter. For some reason men respond better to letters than face to face. They seem to listen to the letter better. 

Explain that you are writing the letter because you have tried to talk to him and he is unresponsive, evasive, or whatever. Tell him how you feel, what you want - need, etc. Be very explicit and direct. Then give him some time to think about it. If you haven’t received a response in a weeks’ time, you will have to approach him.


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## MandiD (Jun 24, 2013)

JustHer said:


> Write him a letter. For some reason men respond better to letters than face to face. They seem to listen to the letter better.
> 
> Explain that you are writing the letter because you have tried to talk to him and he is unresponsive, evasive, or whatever. Tell him how you feel, what you want - need, etc. Be very explicit and direct. Then give him some time to think about it. If you haven’t received a response in a weeks’ time, you will have to approach him.


I have talked to him about how I feel about wanting a baby. He told me that we can talk about it next year but it all depends on how his job is going. I don't feel like he is being fair to what I want or how I feel about this.


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## Samayouchan (Jun 1, 2012)

you two have plenty of time. Make sure you're both ready, otherwise you might regret it =(
I'm pregnant with my first child with my current husband, married for 2 years and i'll be 31 in october. (it was my choice to wait in my previous marriage-thank god i did because in my previous husband ended up cheating and leaving me). I guess what im trying to say is enjoy the time you have with each other! Children are a huge step and it wouldnt be fair if one was ready and the other still felt that there were some things he still wanted to do =) Chin up! It'll happen! 
But in his defense it sounds like since he's talking about "seeing how his job is going" he sounds like wants to be sure he can take care of his family =) and soon to be bigger family. Although I can say from experience, it feels like you're never financially ready lol. But to get a better handle on things isnt a bad idea either ^^


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

MandiD said:


> I have talked to him about how I feel about wanting a baby. He told me that we can talk about it next year but it all depends on how his job is going. I don't feel like he is being fair to what I want or how I feel about this.


Well, how is his job going now? Does he have reason to be concerned about financial stability?

Do you have a job? Do you plan to stop working after you have a child? Do you have savings? Health insurance? A home? Do you have plans to buy a home?

Kids are expensive and having a good, stable job is extremely important. If you have any financial issues, or plans to buy a house or something, that's something you need to figure out so you're ready for kids.


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