# Time to Move On.



## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

I'm new to the forums. I haven't been separated very long just 3 months. Today I told him that it was over. Hardest thing I've had to do. 
I kicked him out when I found out he was talking to another woman. He says there was nothing physical but to me emotional is just as bad. I never get jealous but something just didn't sit right with me and this woman he was "friends" with. 
Well, I kicked him out for going out with her and a married couple that we are friends with. He didn't tell me and then went out the next night and didn't come home till 3 am. 
Yesterday he finally admitted to having feelings for her. My heart is broken. We have a daughter and have been together for 10 years. I've been trying very hard to work this out but he doesn't. He tells me he doesn't know what he wants. I told him today that I would make that decision for him. 
Thanks for listening. I just guess I needed to get it out and really don't feel like telling anyone just yet.


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Expose his behavior far and wide.

Are you ready to file?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## andrea2828 (Jun 28, 2012)

Your story is very similar to mine. I've only been separated a month though. I tried to work on my marriage for over a year- but you can't fix it by yourself.
Hearing that they have feelings for someone else is really hard. I know. Things will get better.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this- I don't have any advice, just wanted you to know someone was there.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well done, you are not a doormat. There will be someone that values you, and now you are free to find him. Stay strong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

It is a hard thing you have done. No doubt you will go through some low times and wonder about where you are, where you are going. Hope you and he can focus on what will be best for your daughter as you both move on. Many here have been through similar situations. Take care of yourself. Life does get better.


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

Thanks everyone. I wish I could let go of this anger. I was pretty good for awhile and then the more I find out the angrier I get. I found some old messages that was just sickening. 
He talks about her like she some kind of saint saying that she would never mess around with a married man and how perfect she it. If she was perfect she wouldn't be flirting with a married man who has a child. 
He went out of state with some friends with some bs excuse and of course he saw her after I asked him not to. He thinks he did nothing wrong because there was no physical contact (which I don't believe). I told him that putting another woman before his family and being emotional with someone else is cheating. He thinks it's no big deal to have feelings for this woman. I told him it's natural but the minute he realized that he did have feelings for her that he should have had no contact with her at all. 
Sorry this was a rambling mess. I'm just so ANGRY.


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## LivingAgain (Jun 12, 2013)

The anger is hard to deal with - I don't want to be married anymore but still have a lot of anger surrounding the demise of the marriage (his two affairs), how he deals poorly with our kids and the financial ruin left in his wake....

Try to stay away from old messages, emails, texts etc. It does nothing but fuel your anger....it's hard I know.

I went through a period of wanting to go back and rehash everything and all it did was anger and depress me.

You will work through it, but try to not concentrate on the past and plan for your future.

Hang in there!


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

I'm keeping busy clearing out anything to do with him. I cleaned out and reorganized my closet. That's one plus I guess. 
I took him off my Facebook deleted "happy couple" pictures. I deleted any comments from the "friend" off my daughter's pictures. It felt so therapeutic. 
He finally showed some anger last night. I have been limiting our text to only our daughter and he hasn't. He still acts like he did nothing wrong and the reason I'm getting out of this marriage is due to bad advice from friends.
I made it very clear that he brought all this upon himself. He told me had feelings for this woman and even went out of state to see her. He can not have his cake and eat it too. So I guess it's my fault he doesn't remember his wedding vows?
Why is it so hard for them just to admit that they are wrong.


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## LivingAgain (Jun 12, 2013)

Suchacliche said:


> I'm keeping busy clearing out anything to do with him. I cleaned out and reorganized my closet. That's one plus I guess.
> I took him off my Facebook deleted "happy couple" pictures. I deleted any comments from the "friend" off my daughter's pictures. It felt so therapeutic.
> He finally showed some anger last night. I have been limiting our text to only our daughter and he hasn't. He still acts like he did nothing wrong and the reason I'm getting out of this marriage is due to bad advice from friends.
> I made it very clear that he brought all this upon himself. He told me had feelings for this woman and even went out of state to see her. He can not have his cake and eat it too. So I guess it's my fault he doesn't remember his wedding vows?
> Why is it so hard for them just to admit that they are wrong.


Good job on clearing out and leaving communication to only parental issues. They have a hard time when we "cut" them off and will display anger and confusion.

ENTITLEMENT is at the root of betraying spouses I believe. They feel they deserve what they want but find it hard to believe when we decide we've had enough, we have no right to our decisions. In the end, yes, they want their cake and eat it too.

I stopped wondering how my STBXH didn't get it, when he would get it....they won't...just move forward for you and your daughter.

Keep posting and vent here - leave him out of it.


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## legiox (Sep 2, 2012)

Good stuff you're doing. I deleted my STBXW and all her friends from Facebook the week she moved out and gave me the "I love you, but not in love with you" line. Best decision i ever made during my separation/soon to be divorced.


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## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

I don't even post in fb anymore. Too many mutual friends. Good for you for cleaning house. Do what you need to in order to feel sane.


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

Well, I tried again yesterday to work things out for the sake of my daughter. I want to be able to say that I tried when she ask. But that was a really worthless effort. I told him that I would give him a year to get his sh*t together and we could revisit the divorce issue if needed. I told him I had two conditions and I couldn't even get two the second one because he said flat out no.
I told him he had to cut all contact with the other woman. None whatsoever. He told me NO! 
He said that I couldn't tell him how to live his life and no one should tell him who he can talk to and not talk to. 
I told him that I loved him but I wasn't going to come in second place to another woman and I don't know what kind of fantasy that he has with her but it wasn't real. I told him that he has a family that is real and loves him but he can see that. 
So he wants a divorce. I know he is going to regret this. 
I know that I haven't been the perfect wife but I sure is hell don't deserve this especially when I have put up with so much crap from hm.


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Suchacliche said:


> I told him that I would give him a year to get his sh*t together and we could revisit the divorce issue if needed. I told him I had two conditions and I couldn't even get two the second one because he said flat out no.


This approach NEVER works. You are conveying to him that he can do what ever he wants and you'll be sitting around doing nothing but wait for him - I know thats not what you mean... but that's the message he hears.

He shut you down because he doesn't care what comes out of your mouth - you're his safety net. You're his back up plan. Why would he respect "The Back Up" Plan.



Suchacliche said:


> I know he is going to regret this.


The guy is a jerk - no question. 

But you have to change your mindset here. 

What are you going to make him "regret" this decision?

What's your game plan to rebuild a better you? Because thats whats important right now. You.

Quit talking to him - especially about the relationship.


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

I am done talking to him. He told me today that he isn't in love with me. That's all I needed to hear to seal the deal. I don't respect him and never stand by him. Bullsh*t. 
I'm going back to school to get my master's and focus on me and my daughter. I'm done. 
He said he has felt this way for a year. He should have left then instead of me making the decision for him. He hasn't seen our daughter in a week and wants to place blame on me because he is giving me space. The real reason is that she doesn't fit into his list of priorities. That's what he is going to regret. The way he treats his daughter is going to come back to haunt him one day. I know he loves her but he has to show it or it doesn't mean anything.


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

I've been so good. Keeping busy fixing up the place, which is keeping my mind off the situation. I haven't cried in days and I haven't called or texted him!!!!! Trying to be STRONG!


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## LivingAgain (Jun 12, 2013)

Suchacliche said:


> I've been so good. Keeping busy fixing up the place, which is keeping my mind off the situation. I haven't cried in days and I haven't called or texted him!!!!! Trying to be STRONG!


YAY!! :smthumbup:

Good job! It will get easier and easier as time goes by.
Keep posting


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## sms0422 (Jun 27, 2013)

Suchacliche said:


> Well, I tried again yesterday to work things out for the sake of my daughter. I want to be able to say that I tried when she ask. But that was a really worthless effort. I told him that I would give him a year to get his sh*t together and we could revisit the divorce issue if needed. I told him I had two conditions and I couldn't even get two the second one because he said flat out no.
> I told him he had to cut all contact with the other woman. None whatsoever. He told me NO!
> He said that I couldn't tell him how to live his life and no one should tell him who he can talk to and not talk to.
> I told him that I loved him but I wasn't going to come in second place to another woman and I don't know what kind of fantasy that he has with her but it wasn't real. I told him that he has a family that is real and loves him but he can see that.
> ...




Wow!!! And here I thought I was the only one who had a toolbag husband who refused to quit communicating with his "friend" because he doesn't let anyone tell him what to do! I find comfort that I am not alone!!! Stay strong!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

I don't know what it is but I miss him tonight. It sucks.


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## Chopsy (Oct 10, 2012)

Expose the relationship to friends and family and anyone who knows your h. Start living the 180. Stop being his back up, make yourself unavailable to him. When you talk with him make sure its only about finances and your child. Don't tell him what you're up to, treat him like a business associate, start getting a life - go out with friends, try new things, meetup.com is great for meeting new people.


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## Sincererlytrying (Oct 31, 2012)

Don't waste your time being vengeful and exposing things. It serves no purpose and will just make you angrier. It's okay to be angry, just don't be mean. Be the adult. I agree that you should limit communication to matters regarding children.

I'm not sure I trust anyone on this forum who tells u it is all your spouse's fault. I've been hearing it from my STBXW for almost a year now. Thanks to counselors, friends and my own reading I have realized that no matter what I screwed up in my marriage, my STBXW remains responsible for a portion of the failed relationship. She still is trying to punish me and yells at me randomly about past issues. This is not helping her when she needs my help with financial issues, house maintenance, or just learning to mow the grass.

Think about how good your next relationship will be if you learn from your own mistakes.


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## Suchacliche (May 18, 2013)

Yesterday was hard. I don't know why. I feel like such an idiot for crying over this man. I hate that I still am in love with him when it's obvious he has left me a long time ago. 
He wrote me a text yesterday saying that we need to hurry up and get divorced. He keeps saying he wants to work on himself and be alone. I find that so hard to believe. 
I am seriously wondering how long they will wait to start dating out in public.


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