# Hi Everyone



## Mr.Blaze

Up until a week ago I was in the best marriage ever. Now I'm confused and lost trust in my wife. A week ago my wife came back from the dentist with a nasty rash on her face. We thought nothing of it, she put some cream on it, we went out that night, I kissed her on or near the rash, kissed on her neck and so forth. The next morning the rash has gotten way worse. She decides to go to the doctor. As it turns the rash is really contagious cold sores/oral herpes. I dont ask any questions about it, I dont look at her any different, I just avoid kissing her until it clears up. Because I'm not kissing her until it clears up shes highly offended and hurt by it. She claims I could kiss her on her other cheek or just somewhere else. She also went on Facebook making a number of negative posts about me which prompted phone calls from friends and family. ( we agreed before never to put our personal business on Facebook but now she claims she never agreed to do that). She also told me if I dont show her physical affection now dont show her any once it clears up. I'm confused. Was I wrong for avoiding kissing her or at least not verbal explaining that I'm not gonna kiss her while she has a contiguous outbreak right after her diagnosis?


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## Livvie

I don't know why anyone would kiss another person DURING an oral herpes outbreak. Can't relate to her questioning that, either.


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## OnTheFly

You already got it!

Maybe.....I don't know.


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## aquarius1

That’s a bit of over-reaction on her part. Maybe she’s feeling vulnerable. Maybe she’s feeling guilty. Not sure on this one.

Maybe you SHOULD start asking questions. Tell her you don’t know much about it. Talk to the dr. Google medical sites.

It’s her reaction that has me puzzled. As far as bad mouthing you it could be:
1. The initial Herpes virus outbreak is a whole body experience. Flu symptoms, aches etc. Her whole personality may be thrown off.
2. She sees your rejection and is taking it too personally 
3. She’s cheating, picked it up somewhere and feels really guilty. She’s rewriting marital history in prep for her exit.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Mr.Blaze said:


> Up until a week ago I was in the best marriage ever. Now I'm confused and lost trust in my wife. A week ago my wife came back from the dentist with a nasty rash on her face. We thought nothing of it, she put some cream on it, we went out that night, I kissed her on or near the rash, kissed on her neck and so forth. The next morning the rash has gotten way worse. She decides to go to the doctor. As it turns the rash is really contagious cold sores/oral herpes. I dont ask any questions about it, I dont look at her any different, I just avoid kissing her until it clears up. Because I'm not kissing her until it clears up shes highly offended and hurt by it. She claims I could kiss her on her other cheek or just somewhere else. She also went on Facebook making a number of negative posts about me which prompted phone calls from friends and family. ( we agreed before never to put our personal business on Facebook but now she claims she never agreed to do that). She also told me if I dont show her physical affection now dont show her any once it clears up. I'm confused. Was I wrong for avoiding kissing her or at least not verbal explaining that I'm not gonna kiss her while she has a contiguous outbreak right after her diagnosis?


 Is this a teen marriage? I'm assuming you two are very, very, very, very, very young from the sounds of it.

For starters, people don't catch oral Herpes - and have a *full outbreak* - in the half hour or hour they're in the dentist's chair. Her treatment at the dentist's obviously either triggered an outbreak or more likely, accelerated an outbreak that was _already_ in progress, but she didn't catch Herpes and break out all in the half hour she was being treated at the dentist's office. That's just common sense. And I certainly hope she's not ignorant enough to be out bad-mouthing the dentist and claiming she got it at their offices.

As I said, I'm assuming you two are *very* young because she sounds like a self-absorbed bratty little 16 year old teenage girl who thinks the world revolves around her. Having a stupid tissy fit because you don't want to kiss her during her Herpes outbreak? I mean this sincerely - is she learning challenged? I don't envy you at ALL being married to this spoiled little brat.

Feeling rejected because you wouldn't infect yourself by kissing her does NOT justify her incredibly childish behavior in posting direspectful nonsense about you on Facebook. What is she, 12 years old?

Hopefully when she's all grown up, she'll act like an adult. Until then, I'll just wish you a whole lotta luck.

In the meantime, I'd be asking her where she thinks she got her oral Herpes from. It wasn't the dentist's office.


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## EveningThoughts

...


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## MattMatt

Mr.Blaze said:


> Up until a week ago I was in the best marriage ever. Now I'm confused and lost trust in my wife. A week ago my wife came back from the dentist with a nasty rash on her face. We thought nothing of it, she put some cream on it, we went out that night, I kissed her on or near the rash, kissed on her neck and so forth. The next morning the rash has gotten way worse. She decides to go to the doctor. As it turns the rash is really contagious cold sores/oral herpes. I dont ask any questions about it, I dont look at her any different, I just avoid kissing her until it clears up. Because I'm not kissing her until it clears up shes highly offended and hurt by it. She claims I could kiss her on her other cheek or just somewhere else. She also went on Facebook making a number of negative posts about me which prompted phone calls from friends and family. ( we agreed before never to put our personal business on Facebook but now she claims she never agreed to do that). She also told me if I dont show her physical affection now dont show her any once it clears up. I'm confused. Was I wrong for avoiding kissing her or at least not verbal explaining that I'm not gonna kiss her while she has a contiguous outbreak right after her diagnosis?


She's hurt by you not wanting to catch herpes and then blackens your name to all and sundry. 

That seems... weird.

Might be worth reporting this infection to the dentist, incidentally.


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## CraigBesuden

You’re in the right, she’s wrong. I also had it since I was a kid, so I wouldn’t draw any conclusions from that.

I agree that it sounds like a very young marriage. “Kiss me while contagious or you don’t love me!” Dang, that’s ridiculous and quite immature.

Yes, keep your relationship off Facebook. When I see a woman posting frequently about how wonderful her husband is and how much she loves him, I know they have a bad marriage. I’ve never seen someone attack their spouse on FB - that’s bad form all the way around.


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## MattMatt

CraigBesuden said:


> You’re in the right, she’s wrong. I also had it since I was a kid, so I wouldn’t draw any conclusions from that.
> 
> I agree that it sounds like a very young marriage. “Kiss me while contagious or you don’t love me!” Dang, that’s ridiculous and quite immature.
> 
> Yes, keep your relationship off Facebook. When I see a woman posting frequently about how wonderful her husband is and how much she loves him, I know they have a bad marriage. I’ve never seen someone attack their spouse on FB - that’s bad form all the way around.


She was like: "Kiss my Cooties, or I'll know you don't love me anymore!"

Good grief!


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## Yeswecan

Mr.Blaze said:


> Up until a week ago I was in the best marriage ever. Now I'm confused and lost trust in my wife. A week ago my wife came back from the dentist with a nasty rash on her face. We thought nothing of it, she put some cream on it, we went out that night, I kissed her on or near the rash, kissed on her neck and so forth. The next morning the rash has gotten way worse. She decides to go to the doctor. As it turns the rash is really contagious cold sores/oral herpes. I dont ask any questions about it, I dont look at her any different, I just avoid kissing her until it clears up. Because I'm not kissing her until it clears up shes highly offended and hurt by it. She claims I could kiss her on her other cheek or just somewhere else. She also went on Facebook making a number of negative posts about me which prompted phone calls from friends and family. ( we agreed before never to put our personal business on Facebook but now she claims she never agreed to do that). She also told me if I dont show her physical affection now dont show her any once it clears up. I'm confused. Was I wrong for avoiding kissing her or at least not verbal explaining that I'm not gonna kiss her while she has a contiguous outbreak right after her diagnosis?



Fully expecting you to possibly share the oral herpes with kissing etc. is beyond bizarre. The FB dirty laundry is childish.


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## StarFires

I began typing into google and got as far as "herpes outbreak after" and google finished my line of criteria by adding the words "dental work" so I hit enter, and *here are the results*. Apparently, it's common for a visit to the dentist to trigger an outbreak. The only thing perplexing is how she got it suddenly if there was never any evidence of it before. Since herpes can be contracted by various means that are not necessarily related to sexual contact, there may be no telling how she contracted the disease. 

When the subject of herpes was so controversial in the 80s and 90s, lots of information was circulating, at which time I learned that herpes is a virus we all contain in our body (or is it in the brain? don't recall exactly) but is triggered into activation (and monthly cold sores that indicate it is active) for some people but not others although I don't remember how. There's more information I forgot about it than I can remember, so maybe do a little research to understand the disease.

It doesn't matter if she remembers the agreement regarding facebook. It should be everybody's motto not to air their marital dirty laundry to the whole world. She should not have done that and owes you an apology. But she might be telling the truth about not remembering, so don't assume she breached the agreement intentionally. 

Besides, I think it reflects much worse on her than on you. After all, she's the one with herpes, so just imagine what people are wondering about her and imagine how many private/side conversations (and laughing) they are having about her without her knowledge. And you know what else they are saying? "Hell nawwwww he shouldn't be kissing her ass! hehehehe I wouldn't go anywhere near her much less kiss her! hehehehe"

It's not pretty and she caused it. Brought it on herself.


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## Tomara

I never kissed my ex when he had a break out. Actually two of the four kids ended up with herpes. Your wife is being totally stupid about the kissing. Posting on FB is juvenile.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Lostinthought61

how long had she had Herpes and what version is it? if she wants to get nasty on facebook than she better be prepared to be attacked as well.


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## Ursula

Nope, you’re definitely not in the wrong there, and really don’t know of anyone who would be actively intimate with someone with herpes. I don’t understand her defensiveness with that either, and putting your personal business on social media is all kinds of wrong.


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## Mr.Blaze

We only been married 5 years but are far from young. I'm in my late 30s and shes in her early 40s. I think she needs to be educated on herpes and cold sores. I believe she doesnt think it's an STD or anything serious. When we came back from the doctor that day( I should of went into the room with her but didn't because I had my son with me from a previous relationship) she said to me in the car the virus that causes cold sores has a nasty name but that's not it & its nothing serious. I should of talked about it further but didn't because my 8 year old son was in the car and kids hear & repeat EVERYTHING. I let it go, when straight to the pharmacy, and assumed we would avoid physical affection until the outbreak completely heals without any further talk about it.


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## Mr.Blaze

Of course she hasn't put the real deal on Facebook or anything close to it. She put things like this cant be the same person I married, I can't believe I'm being treated like this, thank GOD I'm not really sick, i wonder how I would be treated then. Her sister hit me up to ask what was going on, I didn't give her the details, I just try to paint a similar scenario, ( have you ever been sick with a cold or virus and your spouse refuses to kiss you until it cleared up? That's what's going on sis). She doesnt understand it either.


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## Livvie

Yeah and I'd not let her mouth near your man parts while she has an outbreak, either. I do believe you can get the oral herpes in other parts, too.

Noooo thank you.


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## Cynthia

@Mr.Blaze I'm sorry your wife is treating you this way. Her behavior on FB is crazy.



Livvie said:


> Yeah and I'd not let her mouth near your man parts while she has an outbreak, either. I do believe you can get the oral herpes in other parts, too.
> 
> Noooo thank you.


Yes, cold sores can be transmitted to any part of the body, just as any form of the herpes virus can be transmitted to any part of the body, but not all herpes is an STD. A large percentage of the population has some form of herpes. It's very contagious. Cold sores are even more contagious than genital herpes, because they are not covered. If a baby gets herpes, it is life threatening and can cause permanent damage. 

Your wife should not be kissing anyone. Not you, not her children, not anyone. She needs to educate herself or be educated immediately. And she needs to apologize publicly for her FB statements.

I don't know why you didn't tell you sister-in-law what was going on, as in, "My wife has a highly contagious virus, herpes. She is angry that I am trying to avoid catching it from her."


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## personofinterest

Mr.Blaze said:


> We only been married 5 years but are far from young. I'm in my late 30s and shes in her early 40s. I think she needs to be educated on herpes and cold sores. I believe she doesnt think it's an STD or anything serious. When we came back from the doctor that day( I should of went into the room with her but didn't because I had my son with me from a previous relationship) she said to me in the car the virus that causes cold sores has a nasty name but that's not it & its nothing serious. I should of talked about it further but didn't because my 8 year old son was in the car and kids hear & repeat EVERYTHING. I let it go, when straight to the pharmacy, and assumed we would avoid physical affection until the outbreak completely heals without any further talk about it.


Okay, so she's waaaaay out of line and overreacting. BIG TIME

That said, calling a cold sore an STD is a bit of a reach. I'd be offended by that.

Dont kiss her till she's clear, but stop telling her she had an STD!!


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## notmyjamie

Ask her if she'd like you to perform oral on her with a herpatic lesion because YES it can be spread there. It's in her best interest to avoid having you catch it. Good grief.

My guess is that she IS thinking it's an STD and that she feels gross and ashamed and by not kissing her, you're reinforcing these feelings. But the sad fact is that it can be sexually transmitted. There are two types of HSV (herpes simplex virus) Type I and Type II. Type I typically causes cold sores on the mouth. Type II typically causes genital herpes. However, BOTH types are interchangeable...so you can get type I on your genitals and you can get Type II on your mouth. You need to be very careful about the spread of it. And anytime you are run down with illness or stress an outbreak is likely. I had 2 surgeries within weeks of leaving my husband. I not only got a cold sore but I also got shingles which a third type of herpes virus. That stuff knows when you're weak.

I think a sit down later, when she's not so amped up about it is probably in order. I'd say as plain as day...if you got cancer would you want to risk giving it to me? No, then why do you want to risk giving me this infection? Don't YOU love ME enough to protect me from it??

And I'd explain that any further outbursts on Facebook will be a HUGE problem in your marriage.


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## Lila

Mr.Blaze said:


> We only been married 5 years but are far from young. I'm in my late 30s and shes in her early 40s. I think she needs to be educated on herpes and cold sores. I believe *she doesnt think it's an STD or anything serious. *When we came back from the doctor that day( I should of went into the room with her but didn't because I had my son with me from a previous relationship) she said to me in the car the virus that causes cold sores has a nasty name but that's not it & its nothing serious. I should of talked about it further but didn't because my 8 year old son was in the car and kids hear & repeat EVERYTHING. I let it go, when straight to the pharmacy, and assumed we would avoid physical affection until the outbreak completely heals without any further talk about it.


She's right. It isn't technically a sexually transmitted infection unless it was transmitted well.....sexually. 

Herpes is not just one virus. Chicken Pox/shingles is a herpes virus. Sounds like your wife got Herpes Gladiatorum also known as Wrestlers Herpes because people (mostly kids) get it from contact sports. It is caused by HSV-1 (also known as Oral Herpes). 

There is a lot of misconception out there about herpes. I hope the following information will help you make better sense of it.

Varicella-zoster (a.k.a herpes) is a group of viruses that reside in the nerve cells after infection. They hide, hibernating there for life, periodically waking up from its sleep to reignite infection. Symptoms present as skin conditions - blisters, rashes, sores, etc. Chronic stress is a known trigger for symptomatic herpes sufferers. 

The most commonly known herpes are categorized in 2 types : HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 is mainly transmitted by oral-to-oral contact to cause oral herpes (which can include symptoms known as “cold sores”), but can also cause genital herpes or wrestlers herpes (skin). HSV-2 is a sexually transmitted infection that causes genital herpes. 

Most adults are infected with either HSV-1 or HSV-2, and in a few cases both. Scientists can't pin point exactly how many actually have it because < 10% of the people infected actually experience symptoms. The rest are asymptomatic carriers. They can transmit the infection (are contagious) but do not experience symptoms themselves. This is called asymptomatic viral shedding and happens between 5% to 40% of the days of the year. Obviously, people showing symptoms are contagious and it's best to avoid skin to skin contact while the outbreak is present.

There is a blood test for the antigen for the herpes virus. This means even if you are asymptomatic, you can know whether you are a carrier. CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms. The general view is that the stigma from having something as common as herpes is worse than the actual infection. 

I hope this information is helpful.


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## SunCMars

The biggest cause of a Herpes out break is stress. Physical or mental.

Most people become stressed out when they are in the dentist chair.

Especially, when they hear that drill singing, its pitch going up and down as it whittles away at some poor schleps tooth enamel.

And, when you get your teeth cleaned, every sore spot is found and picked at repeatedly.



KB-


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## Mr.Blaze

Talking to her about it she still claims I'm being selfish and neglectful. I'm trying to convince her that if we go get medical advice maybe that will help us come to an understanding. Right now she thinks that therapy/counseling and doesn't want that.


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## aquarius1

Mr.Blaze said:


> Talking to her about it she still claims I'm being selfish and neglectful. I'm trying to convince her that if we go get medical advice maybe that will help us come to an understanding. Right now she thinks that therapy/counseling and doesn't want that.


Sorry. I just can't understand people who don't want to inform themselves medically.


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## Lila

Mr.Blaze said:


> Talking to her about it she still claims I'm being selfish and neglectful. I'm trying to convince her that if we go get medical advice maybe that will help us come to an understanding. Right now she thinks that therapy/counseling and doesn't want that.


Here's the thing. Although I do agree that kissing the herpes sores/rashes on someone's face is kind of disgusting, the truth is that she IS infected with herpes. The virus is shedding even when she is not showing symptoms. Every time you kiss her cheek or rub your hands on her face, you could potentially be exposing yourself to the virus. So the real question is how big of a deal would it be to you if you were to get herpes? 

While I agree your wife is being ridiculous by wanting you to kiss her during an outbreak, that would not be my main concern. 
I would be encouraging her to go to the doctor so that she could get started on an anti-viral. I would also encourage you to go to the doctor to get tested as well. Figure out if you too are infected and if so, start an Anti-Viral to ensure you're not exposing others, including your children, to the virus.


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## Rubix Cubed

@Mr.Blaze

I guess you can/should be thankful she doesn't have HIV. 
With her attitude, you'd be screwed.


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## Mr.Blaze

She finally agreed that we can talk to a medical professional, preferably her doctor, in the hope that can clear up some misunderstandings. She still dont she nothing wrong with her actions. I wonder if I can could get a public apology lol


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## niceguy47460

Ok my question is how did she get herpes from a dentist appointment . Have you looked at her phone . It seems to me you are hung up her her wanting you to kiss her and stuff . But the bigger question is how did she get them . Do you know for sure she was at a dentist appointment .


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## Mr.Blaze

She has braces so I'm sure she went to the dentist office. How long she been getting cold sores I dont know and that is a question I should of asked. I'm assuming for awhile because she said I kissed her before when she had one smh.


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## niceguy47460

Have you looked at her phone to see who she is texting . I would be digging in on her phone for text apps facebook and all that .


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## Lila

niceguy47460 said:


> Ok my question is how did she get herpes from a dentist appointment . Have you looked at her phone . It seems to me you are hung up her her wanting you to kiss her and stuff . But the bigger question is how did she get them . Do you know for sure she was at a dentist appointment .





niceguy47460 said:


> Have you looked at her phone to see who she is texting . I would be digging in on her phone for text apps facebook and all that .


Why would you suggest he dig into her phone? She's got wrestlers herpes on her face. Little kids get this from their daycare mats. Athletes get it from contact sports. Anyone can get it from kissing on the cheek. And it can hibernate in the nerve cells for years or decades without a flair up.


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## niceguy47460

I have only heard of people getting them from kissing someone else


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## Lila

niceguy47460 said:


> I have only heard of people getting them from kissing someone else


You heard wrong. I posted this up thread. Hopefully it can stop the spread of false information. 



Lila said:


> Herpes is not just one virus. Chicken Pox/shingles is a herpes virus. Sounds like your wife got Herpes Gladiatorum also known as Wrestlers Herpes because people (mostly kids) get it from contact sports. It is caused by HSV-1 (also known as Oral Herpes).
> 
> There is a lot of misconception out there about herpes. I hope the following information will help you make better sense of it.
> 
> Varicella-zoster (a.k.a herpes) is a group of viruses that reside in the nerve cells after infection. They hide, hibernating there for life, periodically waking up from its sleep to reignite infection. Symptoms present as skin conditions - blisters, rashes, sores, etc. Chronic stress is a known trigger for symptomatic herpes sufferers.
> 
> The most commonly known herpes are categorized in 2 types : HSV-1 and HSV-2. HSV-1 is mainly transmitted by oral-to-oral contact to cause oral herpes (which can include symptoms known as “cold sores”), but can also cause genital herpes or wrestlers herpes (skin). HSV-2 is a sexually transmitted infection that causes genital herpes.
> 
> Most adults are infected with either HSV-1 or HSV-2, and in a few cases both. Scientists can't pin point exactly how many actually have it because < 10% of the people infected actually experience symptoms. The rest are asymptomatic carriers. They can transmit the infection (are contagious) but do not experience symptoms themselves. This is called asymptomatic viral shedding and happens between 5% to 40% of the days of the year. Obviously, people showing symptoms are contagious and it's best to avoid skin to skin contact while the outbreak is present.
> 
> There is a blood test for the antigen for the herpes virus. This means even if you are asymptomatic, you can know whether you are a carrier. CDC does not recommend herpes testing for people without symptoms. The general view is that the stigma from having something as common as herpes is worse than the actual infection.
> 
> I hope this information is helpful.


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