# Am I being naive?



## derbygirl (Oct 3, 2012)

I'll try to keep this short. Try!

So my husband loves to drink. He's gotten in trouble with the law and done some pretty stupid things while drunk. We've been married for about a year and a half and it's been the hardest year and a half of my life.

The fact that the army moved us to Texas from my home, Washington, doesn't help one bit. I'm painfully homesick as are my 4 kids. Also, he is set to deploy to Afghanistan in December and I am dreading being here alone with no friends or family and 4 kids to take care of, alone. Especially if when I think in the back of my mind that our marriage isn't what it should be and I could be sitting here, sacrificing my current happiness for an empty hope of future happiness.

We have come up on problems in our marriage that may or may not have anything to do with his drinking (intimacy issues due to my low sex drive), and I have put it out on the table that I can't stand his drinking anymore. At that point he wouldn't agree to quit completely but to only drink weekends and only beer. He say's that it's his "right" to drink and asking him to quit drinking is like trying to take away his masculinity. He still puts away a 30 pack over the weekend, easily, and doesn't get "drunk". He never gets violent or stupid at that level of drinking but rather he gets into his "fun" mood.

Up until I put my foot down last week , he would buy beer even if we had little-to-no money for groceries. Luckily my anti-depressant has kicked in and I have an easier time rationalizing and taking a stand! Anyway, life feels a lot more normal now and I feel like if life stayed at this level, I could tolerate it.

It does however still bother me that my kids (all are his step kids) see this regular drinking and see that he uses it to put him into a different mood. He argues to this point that it's not like he is an ******* when he isn't drinking, which is true.

I still worry too that the alcohol, like it has before, will creep back in and get worse. This change in him over the past week seems way more sincere than past attempts to 1) cut back, and 2) make sure that we take care of necessities before his luxuries (beer and cigarettes). I still have an "I'll believe it when I see it" attitude that he can see. At the same time I have been telling him how nice it's been to have my husband back. Am I being naive in thinking he can cut back his drinking? If I am, please tell me outright. Should I leave his ass and save myself and kids while I can? Give me the truth, even if it's gonna hurt.


Thanks so much!
P.S. No need to suggest Al Anon because I'm doing that.


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## PFTGuy (Aug 28, 2011)

I don't think anybody can tell you what you should or shouldn't do...a professional counselor can help you work through the issues, but the responsibility for the decision would still be your own. 

It doesn't sound to me like your being naive...it sounds like you are aware of what's going on and have the right concerns. But be aware, alcoholism is a progressive disease. It doesn't get better.

Peace...


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