# Alcoholism and marriage



## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

just saw a new report on new Apps for your phone that can track how much alcohol you are drinking, and help you to lower the amount in a non-threatening way.

here is one of the sites:








Sunnyside - Healthier Drinking Habits That Fit Your Lifestyle


Sleep better, save money, and have more energy with proven techniques that build healthier drinking habits. It’s 100% personalized to you.




www.sunnyside.co





apparently there are a bunch of different apps for this.

just thought i would post this here, as a number of threads list "spouse is drinking way too much" as a big factor in thinking of leaving. A lot of people can use an app, and not feel threatened by it. might be of help.

it might be hard to get a spouse to admit they are alcoholic, and go to AA. but it might be much easier to cajole them into downloading an app


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> just saw a new report on new Apps for your phone that can track how much alcohol you are drinking, and help you to lower the amount in a non-threatening way.
> 
> here is one of the sites:
> 
> ...


The problem with alcoholism is that alcoholics cannot drink just a couple of drinks and be satisfied. It has the same effect as water, if they don't drink to fill.
They can't help themselves but drink to the point of fill.

Although I don't have any problem with anybody who can drink a couple of drinks and be satisfied, even if they are potentially alcoholics but never push themselves to the point of drinking until they get their fill.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

that is why an app MIGHT be helpful to some.
maybe they do not realize that "hey i only had five scotches just now, i am not drunk yet" was actually WAY more drinking than a normal person would do. 
And its not your nagging wife saying it, its some relatively impartial app.

Kind of like a dieting app....just the act of keeping track of what you eat tends to convince you to eat less and eat better stuff.

But what do i know, i am not alcoholic...i am sure there are other factors that come into play.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> that is why an app MIGHT be helpful to some.
> maybe they do not realize that "hey i only had five scotches just now, i am not drunk yet" was actually WAY more drinking than a normal person would do.
> And its not your nagging wife saying it, its some relatively impartial app.
> 
> ...


If it helps them, sure.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Talker67 said:


> that is why an app MIGHT be helpful to some.
> maybe they do not realize that "hey i only had five scotches just now, i am not drunk yet" was actually WAY more drinking than a normal person would do.
> And its not your nagging wife saying it, its some relatively impartial app.
> 
> ...


It would be helpful for people who want to control their drinking, and are capable of doing so.

But for actual alcoholics...not a chance. That's not how alcoholism (or any addiction) works.

It's a great app for people who want to watch what they drink so they can drive safely or be healthier (alcohol is TERRIBLE for your body), or who want to drink less for any other reason though!


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Can I assume the person enters the data into the app themselves whenever they have a drink?

(on a side note, how many Miller Lites does a person have to drink before it's considered ONE drink?)


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Talker67 said:


> just saw a new report on new Apps for your phone that can track how much alcohol you are drinking, and help you to lower the amount in a non-threatening way.
> 
> here is one of the sites:
> 
> ...


For some posters, alcohol is the only way they're getting any.😉


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

The app buttons get smaller the more drinks entered, until the app says enough, buster, you can't even find the buttons...

I wonder how many will drop their phones, while using the app too. 🤣🤣🤣🤣


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Meh. This might be good for people who don't drink often and it would help them to know what the last drink SHOULD be. You always hear the old, "one drink too many..." adage so maybe this app could help them NOT have that last one. 😚 

But alcoholics? Most of them know *exactly* how much they're going to drink before they even pop the first beer tab or unscrew the cap on the tequila bottle.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> But alcoholics? Most of them know *exactly* how much they're going to drink


Yes. All of it.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Many alcoholics are high functioning and fairly intelligent. They know damn well what they are doing but can't stop, just mitigate their circumstances.


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

jonty30 said:


> The problem with alcoholism is that alcoholics cannot drink just a couple of drinks and be satisfied. It has the same effect as water, if they don't drink to fill.
> They can't help themselves but drink to the point of fill.
> 
> Although I don't have any problem with anybody who can drink a couple of drinks and be satisfied, even if they are potentially alcoholics but never push themselves to the point of drinking until they get their fill.


My first two concerns with alcoholics are if they can handle it enough 'not to cheat'. Are they bar cheats like so many of these people we see stories on ? The second is liability. I have seen many people recover from alcoholism and it was tough but they got through it, especially with helpful spouses. I even know one woman who divorced her alcoholic husband because of the drinking but got remarried to a guy who was a serial cheat and she stayed. A co-worker of mine.

He fixed his problem and moved on and she is miserable. 

I agree that alcoholics can't just stop at 1 or 2 or 3. Is it easier to stay and fix or take a chance elsewhere (but only elsewhere if you do it ethically) ?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

For an alcoholic, one drink is too many and a thousand drinks are never enough. Sad, but true.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Prodigal said:


> For an alcoholic, one drink is too many and a thousand drinks are never enough. Sad, but true.


It's because alcoholics, of which I'm a potential if I were to drink, either process alcohol faster than average, like Captain America, or they just have a really high tolerance for how much they can drink before they start to become impaired. Unless they can drink their fill, it's just like drinking harsh water. Putting normal amounts of alcohol into a glass has absolute no effect on them.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> It's because alcoholics, of which I'm a potential if I were to drink, either process alcohol faster than average, like Captain America, or they just have a really high tolerance for how much they can drink before they start to become impaired. Unless they can drink their fill, it's just like drinking harsh water. Putting normal amounts of alcohol into a glass has absolute no effect on them.


i could drink a LOT in my 30's. After work used to go to the bar next door, and we would pound down whiskey for hours....really not getting all that drunk. 

for me...since i was not getting drunk (something enjoyable) and just pissing thru $$$....one day i just decided to stop doing that after work. and it just ended that day.

I still drink, but it might be one or two beers with supper, or one or two mixed drinks, and i can easily avoid drinking at all for days without any craving. 
i guess i am not alcoholic, even though it did not effect me much, simply because i do not NEED to drink. 

so i think there is more to being "alcoholic" than just drinking a lot and being numb to it. i think you also have to NEED to do it, continue to do it despite not wanting to, and to also have it adversely effect you (like stumbling around drunk, etc)

without those extra things, you are just drinking. doing so because you like the taste and actually enjoy it.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i could drink a LOT in my 30's. After work used to go to the bar next door, and we would pound down whiskey for hours....really not getting all that drunk.
> 
> for me...since i was not getting drunk (something enjoyable) and just pissing thru $$$....one day i just decided to stop doing that after work. and it just ended that day.
> 
> ...


If you are early in an addiction, you can stop anytime you want. 
However, there is a point where it becomes normal to be drunk and you feel out of sorts when not drunk.
That's when it becomes a problem.

I cannot comment n your particular physiology, but people prone to alcoholism are simply "superman", well above the norm, when it comes to dealing with alcohol.
It's entirely possible that you are a potential alcoholic and caught yourself early.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> If you are early in an addiction, you can stop anytime you want.
> However, there is a point where it becomes normal to be drunk and you feel out of sorts when not drunk.
> That's when it becomes a problem.
> 
> ...


who knows. It could be in my genes, just lucky.
Like i said i still drink wine, scotch and bourbon. Just not to excess anymore.

in my case, i guess one key was to logically look at my behavior, look at the future potential consequences, and just to choose to change things. I suspect true alcoholics can not make that choice, or can not stick to it once made.


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## cp3o (Jun 2, 2018)

jonty30 said:


> It's because alcoholics, of which I'm a potential if I were to drink, either process alcohol faster than average, like Captain America, or they just have a really high tolerance for how much they can drink before they start to become impaired. Unless they can drink their fill, it's just like drinking harsh water. Putting normal amounts of alcohol into a glass has absolute no effect on them.


I read, some years ago, that most people take an hour to process alcohol so that it reaches the brain - hence the assumption that one "doesn't work". However c.10% of people have genetic variation(s?) which mean that the hour is cut to five minutes.

I am a fiveminuter. Stand up after half a glass of wine and I know I have to concentrate not to wobble. 

Only really ever been wasted-drunk once - 30+ years ago (in Folkestone) a colleague and I slowly emptied a night porter's entire stock of miniatures (perhaps a dozen) over about five hours. I felt fine but went up the hotel stairs (the square around the lift) on my hands and knees. 

Any quicker and I fall asleep during the second glass!


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

Talker67 said:


> just saw a new report on new Apps for your phone that can track how much alcohol you are drinking, and help you to lower the amount in a non-threatening way.
> 
> here is one of the sites:
> 
> ...


I am a dry alcoholic… telling a spouse they are an alcoholic does nothing. That person has to come to terms with and own their problem. 

Alcoholism nearly ended my marriage, since going dry everything in my marriage and life has completely turned around for the better X100. Now, I am addicted to working out, but that does not appear to be a problem for my wife or anyone else in my life.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

Talker67 said:


> that is why an app MIGHT be helpful to some.
> maybe they do not realize that "hey i only had five scotches just now, i am not drunk yet" was actually WAY more drinking than a normal person would do.
> And its not your nagging wife saying it, its some relatively impartial app.
> 
> ...


Thanks for sharing the link.

Some will find the app helpful, and that’s a great thing — great regardless of the fact there are many others who would never come close to leveraging it, or anything else, to rid themselves of the awful consequences of drinking problems.

Humans are bad at paying attention to the passage of time, tracking behaviors and outcomes vs time. Using machines to help raise awareness of factors impacting one’s life is good thing.

I wonder if there are apps for those in relationship with problem drinkers. Simple factual things like understanding how much a partner is really drinking (observably) can involve complicated math. It’s easy to be fooled by drinkers of hard liquor with high alcoholic content; the number of “standard drinks” can easily be much higher than it might first appear.

Having data correlating “good times” and “bad times” with the inflow or outflow of containers into the house could be illuminating.

One thing about boiled frogs — they never really had a good handle on the data that was potentially available to them.


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