# Christian couple With Different Denominations?



## RitaRee

Hi,
If you're both Christian, ideally the essentials are the same for you (your teachings on Christ, salvation, etc.,).

But what if your SO is from a denomination altogether, how have you worked that out?

I'm Charismatic. My boyfriend is non-denom/Baptist. Looking for advice.

Thanks,
Rita


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## nader

I have been raised strictly Presbyterian and down with some denominations but not others. My wife was raised marginally catholic, baptized as a Mormon, but attending non denominational, more mainstream/evangelical churches since I met her. There are a lot of complicated factors involved. She understands LDS is completely, 100% out of the question for me but I don't think she completely understands why. She had good experiences there and left due to a falling out with a friend, and not a problem with the church/organization. This was years and years before we met. It has been a bit of a hot button issue lately but we are working through it. The most important thing is that we decide together and don't make any decisions that one of us is going to resent.


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## RitaRee

I definitely agree.

I guess my question is more, what specific things have you had to compromise on?

For me, my boyfriend is Baptist. I'm Charismatic. My boyfriend is a wonderful man of God with the fruit of the spirit pouring out his life. He wants me to go to his church, instead of mine. I'm somewhat ok with that: I'm a former Baptist. What concerns me more is that his church ignores teachings that my church shares openly, like talking about the supernatural and spiritual gifts, for instance. I'd miss these things if I went to his church. And he wants nothing to do with either of those 

Also, my boyfriend's being fairly inflexible, imo. His "compromise" is 'allowing me to believe what I want' (his words not mine). He says he'd be ok with me doing my spiritual practices at home, but not at church. I don't know what to feel about that. To me, if I have a question about something regarding these things, the first place to ask would be the church, no? But if that church is closed off to it, I'd be like an outsider.

I'm just trying to see how they can be reconciled. :-/


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## nader

Yes, I could see baptist and charismatic butting heads over the theology of charismatic gifting. That is a tough one.

One compromise we have had to make has more to do with our pastor's preaching style than the denomination. We found a church that is really awesome, we've made friends there, we've gone to small groups and really like the people. The pastor has a big heart and did our pre-marital counseling. But the pastor's style is just too intense and my wife does not feel that his messages are very relevant to her spiritual needs. I agree that his sermons are not the best but I can deal with it because I like the congregation. In a nutshell, the congregation/people is the important thing to me, while the sermons are her priority.

We have agreed to start looking for other churches, but I had to tell the pastor an 'official' reason, being the driving distance, because it was just too painful to tell him the full truth.

What complicates the issue is that my wife works alot of Sunday mornings. I am not taking my son to go church hopping alone, so I've opted to continue at the church we've been going to, and that is fine for now.

Eventually we are going to need to settle on something because, being Presbyterian I believe in infant baptism and will need to do it in the congregation we decide to make our home.


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## cb45

with some/many/alot
of christians, denom is not a big deal or deal breaker.

but based on what u 2 wrote, it seems so, at 1st glance 
anyways.

i'll "try" an easy answer approach but 4give me if i get 
complex, by chance here.

to nader: i think the congregational angle IS very important
esp as relates to individual needs. u cant just get
that "anywhere" as some may like to think. Sermons on
the other hand are (4give me) dime a dozen and/or readily
available on TV, DVD, MP3, etc. Share this (carefully) with
yer W, i may add.

to RitaRee: yer bf is too *controlling* to be described quite
so liberally as "fruit of the spirit pouring out of his life"
w/out further explanation.(strange, coming from a charis 
like u :scratchhead i'm surprised all the ladies that
purview TAM arent all over u/him on this *fact* alone. 
I hate to say this but, if i were u i'd be possibly praying &
looking simultaneously for a true blue bf/H (barring a 
miraculous epiphinany/turnaround with yer bf).

to both: compromise is, can be, a dirty word sometimes; esp
so in christian circles of thought/tenets. i heard brother
copeland make a stmt on this several times this yr. 
methinks u best pray for wisdom and Gods answer for u
on this matter of "compromise", not mine or thine 
interpretation of it. i'm still looking/waiting 4 an answer,
or perhaps its a theme for the yr, who knows?

shalom.....


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## nader

> to nader: i think the congregational angle IS very important
> esp as relates to individual needs. u cant just get
> that "anywhere" as some may like to think. Sermons on
> the other hand are (4give me) dime a dozen and/or readily
> available on TV, DVD, MP3, etc. Share this (carefully) with
> yer W, i may add.


Yes.. we've been over it and over it. At the end of the day, I just can't have my wife dragging her feet to church reminding me that she 'doesn't want to be there,' and being a martyr for going to the church I like. The last straw for her was when she caught me dozing off during the sermon. My dad is a pastor and I've been drowsy in church all my life - but it really bothered her since she was making a concession for me just by being there.

The the church she liked was the exact opposite - a big mega church with a light show, stadium seating, bookstore, etc. The pastor's sermons are more enjoyable, but it is so impersonal and weird to me, and they do not practice infant baptism.

Because of her work schedule, which could change at any time, we are basically in church limbo for now. Either I go with my son to the church I like, or we stay at home and catch up on some much needed sleep. I asked her how many conversations she's had with the pastor (0), and she got the point.


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## RitaRee

cb45 said:


> with some/many/alot
> of christians, denom is not a big deal or deal breaker.
> 
> but based on what u 2 wrote, it seems so, at 1st glance
> anyways.


First, thanks for your answer.Agreed. as long as there's mutual respect and compromise on the in-essentials. 

Right now, we're in an LDR, but I want us both to get counseling. I want to know I tried everything I could beforehand. . 




> yer bf is too *controlling* to be described quite so liberally as "fruit of the spirit pouring out of his life" w/out further explanation.(strange, coming from a charis like u :scratchhead


Haha, I had a lot to say. And I wanted to keep it short . 

He's loving, kind, merciful, has a servant's heart & keeps being Christlike to those who've abused him. And yes, this is from the same man



> i'm surprised all the ladies that
> purview TAM arent all over u/him on this *fact* alone.


the control? I know. Here's what itches my brain: Manu's from a different culture. 

I've asked other people from his country about this. They said "We don't make suggestions the way Americans do. *We're very blunt. Thats how we show our love* & we want you to do them because it'll help you." But then again, from the same country, the man is always right. 

Manu has said he wants a partnership relationship. It seemed true. At first. But now I see its only been the case on small issues & things he doesn't care about. If it IS a big deal--like this--then, "by default" he's right, since he's the man.

I don't know. I dont know what to blame on culture. Or what to blame on what actually IS [/QUOTE]


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## cb45

_I'll ray: 4 u; that u get "wisdom" AND the fortitude to see it thru/carry out that
which wisdom tells u to do.

"not my will Father but yours be done; on earth as it is in
heaven." 

_


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