# Am i letting my insecurities drag me down



## lost.com (Mar 29, 2011)

Hi, so it has been like 9 years since i posted here. My H 1st cousin died in December, they used to be very close but their relationship/friendship fizzled out in the last 2 years of his life.
My husband attended a Medium & then goes to her for counselling. In the past month my H has been helping his cousins widow. I was very understanding as he told me he was going to be there for her, but the texts have just sky rocketed. She is the last person at night that he texts & the 1st person he texts in the morning, and it is all day then. We were out with friends last Saturday night & he was texting, i didn't really notice but he mentioned it to someone else the next day. I said i was uneasy with not knowing he was texting her that he could have mentioned it on the drive home Saturday night. This lead to a row, me saying i don't want to be excluded in this and him saying he is not going to be telling everything they text and that i have to put up with it. He later tells me that he text her on the Saturday morning as he had an issue with me & he basically rowed with me & then text her about it. This really hurt me. He said he wont do that again.
So i have been feeling pretty low, on edge & very insecure since.
My H returns from counselling today, he say his counselor said i was very insecure & that he was not doing anything wrong and it was up to me to deal/sort out my insecurities that he wasn't/couldn't do that.

I am so low


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

She is more close to him than you?! Why is not you helping her but him?


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## lost.com (Mar 29, 2011)

marcy* said:


> She is more close to him than you?! Why is not you helping her but him?


She is close with us both.
"Why is not you helping her but him? " what do you mean here, sorry i am all over the place at the minute


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

lost.com said:


> She is close with us both.
> "Why is not you helping her but him? " what do you mean here, sorry i am all over the place at the minute


Why she texts him but not you? If your hubby has something to say to her he can reach her through you. I feel like he does it for himself, he needs to talk to someone, not just to help her.


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## lost.com (Mar 29, 2011)

No he is not willing to give up texting her, said i have to just except it and now saying i have to deal with my insecurities.
My insecurities come from when he started texting my niece even tho she lived with us, that EM affair turned into a full blown affair 
He slept with my neice . 


He had his arm amputated a year ago after a bad RTA nearly 4 years. He is nearly 4 year suffering with phantom pain & he say texting her helps.. But that makes me feel worse as i have been helping him deal with his pain for this long and now she can.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

lost.com said:


> No he is not willing to give up texting her, said i have to just except it and now saying i have to deal with my insecurities.
> My insecurities come from when he started texting my niece even tho she lived with us, that EM affair turned into a full blown affair
> He slept with my neice .
> 
> ...


Then you have you answer. He is not helping her, he is after her. What help he can give her that you can’t? If he slept with your niece, he can sleep with her also. I would not trust my hubby around family or female friends after that. Tell him to stop “helping” her by texting her. Tell her she can text you not your husband if she needs any help with anything. Your hubby likes texting other females for his own needs.


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## Marriednatlanta (Sep 21, 2016)

lost.com said:


> Hi, so it has been like 9 years since i posted here. My H 1st cousin died in December, they used to be very close but their relationship/friendship fizzled out in the last 2 years of his life.
> My husband attended a Medium & then goes to her for counselling. In the past month my H has been helping his cousins widow. I was very understanding as he told me he was going to be there for her, but the texts have just sky rocketed. She is the last person at night that he texts & the 1st person he texts in the morning, and it is all day then. We were out with friends last Saturday night & he was texting, i didn't really notice but he mentioned it to someone else the next day. I said i was uneasy with not knowing he was texting her that he could have mentioned it on the drive home Saturday night. This lead to a row, me saying i don't want to be excluded in this and him saying he is not going to be telling everything they text and that i have to put up with it. He later tells me that he text her on the Saturday morning as he had an issue with me & he basically rowed with me & then text her about it. This really hurt me. He said he wont do that again.
> So i have been feeling pretty low, on edge & very insecure since.
> My H returns from counselling today, he say his counselor said i was very insecure & that he was not doing anything wrong and it was up to me to deal/sort out my insecurities that he wasn't/couldn't do that.
> ...


When did they start sleeping together?


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Even without your husband's past infidelity this is a red flag. Adding on his past indiscretions with your niece?? Don't be a fool... He's either sleeping with this woman or trying to make it happen.

Him saying that you have to accept it is a load of horseshit. Don't take that. Talking to her helps with his phantom pain? Give me a break.

I highly, HIGHLY doubt that his therapist said you are insecure. No semi-decent therapist would say that without having talked to you and heard your side. Chances are your husband either didn't like what his therapist told him, he interpreted something incorrectly to best suit his agenda, or he isn't even telling his therapist the truth and made up some lies for you to get his way.


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## lost.com (Mar 29, 2011)

Marriednatlanta said:


> When did they start sleeping together?


The didn't, they are only texting now to "Support eachother" but he did cheat 9 years ago


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## Marriednatlanta (Sep 21, 2016)

I was being sarcastic.....they are, or are heading that way in a second.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lost.com said:


> Hi, so it has been like 9 years since i posted here. My H 1st cousin died in December, they used to be very close but their relationship/friendship fizzled out in the last 2 years of his life.
> My husband attended a Medium & then goes to her for counselling. In the past month my H has been helping his cousins widow. I was very understanding as he told me he was going to be there for her, but the texts have just sky rocketed. She is the last person at night that he texts & the 1st person he texts in the morning, and it is all day then. We were out with friends last Saturday night & he was texting, i didn't really notice but he mentioned it to someone else the next day. I said i was uneasy with not knowing he was texting her that he could have mentioned it on the drive home Saturday night. This lead to a row, me saying i don't want to be excluded in this and him saying he is not going to be telling everything they text and that i have to put up with it. He later tells me that he text her on the Saturday morning as he had an issue with me & he basically rowed with me & then text her about it. This really hurt me. He said he wont do that again.
> So i have been feeling pretty low, on edge & very insecure since.
> My H returns from counselling today, he say his counselor said i was very insecure & that he was not doing anything wrong and it was up to me to deal/sort out my insecurities that he wasn't/couldn't do that.
> ...


Your husband's counsellor is truly amazing if she can offer you advice without seeing you. Actually, no counsellor worth their salt would do that.

Either your husband made it up or he has exaggerated what was said.

And a medium who offers counselling? That's a red alert.


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