# How long to wait before dating again?



## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

Split up my abusive boyfriend thanks to the good ol local police force.

He is currently in jail because he is obsessed with me and cannot leave me alone and has been stalking me.

I just want to have fun right now because it is the only way I will forget about him and I dont want to be stuck at home dwelling in fear about what he will do next.

we have been split up for 6 weeks. Too soon? 


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

No, it is not too soon but we are worried about your physical safety.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

He has court this morning so I will get to see what is going to be happening.

I have a safety plan in place, but there are some gaps that need to be filled. 


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

"Hi, nice to meet you. By the way, my ex is stalking me and he may try to kill you."

Your date have a right to a stalker-free relationship. No dating until the stalker is out of the picture permanently.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

KillerClown said:


> Your date have a right to a stalker-free relationship. No dating until the stalker is out of the picture permanently.


Sound advice but what is meant by "stalker is out of the picture permanently"? Unless he dies or is convicted for 20 years for some other offense, how is that to happen?

And yes, the physical safety of the date is an issue too. How then does she get passed "I dont want to be stuck at home dwelling in fear"?

Shouting out to @EleGirl who is often helpful in domestic violence issues.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

xMadame said:


> Split up my abusive boyfriend thanks to the good ol local police force.
> 
> He is currently in jail because he is obsessed with me and cannot leave me alone and has been stalking me.
> 
> ...


I have some questions to get a better idea of things.

How old are the two of you?

How long were you together? Were you living together?

Do you have any children with him?

Are you currently living in a home/apt that he used to live in with you? Is any of his stuff at your place?

What is he doing when he is stalking you? Is he coming to your home? calling you a lot?

What incident got him arrested and thrown in jail?

Does he have any previous criminal history or history of violence? Either that he has a record for or that you know about?


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

xMadame said:


> Split up my abusive boyfriend thanks to the good ol local police force.
> 
> He is currently in jail because he is obsessed with me and cannot leave me alone and has been stalking me.
> 
> ...


Do just what you said: "I just want to have fun right now". That doesn't mean "dating", which is serious.

Go dancing.

Go drinking...within moderation.

Go hiking, biking, driving trips with guys.

Have sex, if that's part of what "I just want to have fun right now".

Don't tell them about the jailed stalker, but DO tell them that you are not available in any long-term kind of way, things are complicated, and all you want right now is fun, relaxation, and a quick orgasm (of course - alter this statement as it fits your actual desires). Be very safe of course.

The stalker may be in jail, but he has friends. I have a family member who seemed to attract stalkers, and their pals are awful. Rocks thrown through windows, glue stuffed into car and apartment door locks, acid-infused dog food left in bowls for Fido - these things were part of my own reality, and I shudder to think of what else can be done. Therefore - BE DISCREET!!! Do not let your dalliances with men be observed...go out in public, make it appear as if you are only in public, and if you choose to do something personal with a guy - do it at his place, not yours. Assume your own place is being watched.

Good luck.


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Sound advice but what is meant by "stalker is out of the picture permanently"? Unless he dies or is convicted for 20 years for some other offense, how is that to happen?
> 
> And yes, the physical safety of the date is an issue too. How then does she get passed "I dont want to be stuck at home dwelling in fear"?
> 
> Shouting out to @EleGirl who is often helpful in domestic violence issues.


From my experience stalking will end one way or another. The physical safety of the date is the ONLY issue. It is irresponsible for her to start dating without resolving the stalking issue.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

KillerClown said:


> From my experience stalking will end one way or another. The physical safety of the date is the ONLY issue. It is irresponsible for her to start dating without resolving the stalking issue.


I agree.


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I have some questions to get a better idea of things.
> 
> 
> 
> ...







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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

KillerClown said:


> From my experience stalking will end one way or another. The physical safety of the date is the ONLY issue. It is irresponsible for her to start dating without resolving the stalking issue.




The issue has been resolved temporarily. He is in jail until his trial.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

xMadame said:


> The issue has been resolved temporarily. He is in jail until his trial.


I admit I know little on this. Have you contacted a Domestic Violence organization for guidance on what to do to protect yourself? Have you contacted your local police department or district attorneys office?


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

xMadame said:


> The issue has been resolved temporarily. He is in jail until his trial.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Then you need to be clear with your prospective date that the relationship may end when your ex gets out of jail. 

Who knows, he might say, "That's OK. I'm a cop. If he comes after you I'll shoot him."


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

KillerClown said:


> Then you need to be clear with your prospective date that the relationship may end when your ex gets out of jail.
> 
> 
> 
> Who knows, he might say, "That's OK. I'm a cop. If he comes after you I'll shoot him."




I will be clear. It is unfair on anyone to not know about what happened....I would feel terrible having someone walk blindly into such a situation.

Dating a cop would be great lol


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## xMadame (Sep 1, 2016)

xMadame said:


> I will be clear. It is unfair on anyone to not know about what happened....I would feel terrible having someone walk blindly into such a situation.
> 
> Dating a cop would be great lol
> 
> ...




It is funny you say that, I went on a date with one last night lol


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