# Depression and anxiety affected my marriage



## StupidWife (Jul 21, 2013)

Hi,

With encouragement from my husband, I started to see a therapist and was told that I suffer with depression and anxiety. I have been married a bit over three years, and I started to get depressed 1-2 years ago.

Looking back, all the pressure I felt from buying a fixer upper house with all the projects, having not enough money to do all, working in a new stressful job, having husband going back to school (he works full time), and not being able to (or now I think of it, it was my choice) go back home to my country for the longest time ever was simply too much. I worry too much to begin with and I couldn't handle the stress.

I started to get sad, depressed, withdrawn from my life. I didn't engage in any activities, lost interests, and was just thinking that I need to get out of this, but I couldn't and I didn't know how. Once you are depressed, everything looks in the negative spectrum. Your cup is always half empty. You notice things that are not important in life but depressed about them anyway. I treated my husband badly not paying attention to him or showing my affection to him, rejecting his sex.

As a result, it drained my husband. He was living in eggshells. The most positive human being I know became depressed and sad. He suggested us to go see a marriage counseling, which I am happy to do, but as of now, he doesn't know what will happen to us.

I am kicking myself. I feel so stupid that this is happening. I couldn't control my stress and enjoy life, and now causing this pain to my love.

Do you think our marriage will survive? Do you have any advice on what I should do? I am lost.


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## Anonymous2013 (Jul 17, 2013)

Sounds a lot like what my wife is putting me through, the only difference is that she is not accepting any responsibility for her bad behavior and is refusing any help, as for what you can do, I would say keep going to therapy and give it time because your husband is probably pissed off about all the stuff he has been through, I know I am.


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## StupidWife (Jul 21, 2013)

Anonymous2013 said:


> Sounds a lot like what my wife is putting me through, the only difference is that she is not accepting any responsibility for her bad behavior and is refusing any help, as for what you can do, I would say keep going to therapy and give it time because your husband is probably pissed off about all the stuff he has been through, I know I am.


I took your words as if it was from my husband. Thanks. I will continue on my recovery and show my appreciation and love to my husband.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

For starters try to reduce the stress.

Stress makes depression and anxiety WORSE.


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## Anonymous2013 (Jul 17, 2013)

StupidWife said:


> I took your words as if it was from my husband. Thanks. I will continue on my recovery and show my appreciation and love to my husband.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



How did you come to the conclusion that it was you the one with a problem ? btw check out my thread our cases seem to be pretty similar.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/physic...9041-wife-suffering-anxiety-walking-away.html


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## TeaLeaves4 (Feb 19, 2010)

It's certainly not easy being on the receiving end of a depressed and anxious spouse, but it's not "bad behavior" on your part. It's an illness. Your brain chemistry is not normal right now. You are doing your part by getting help. 

Your H took vows "in sickness and in health". It might not be fun, but you are sick right now. Keep getting therapy and take meds as prescribed. Read as much as you can- about spirituality too, if you're inclined. You will get through it. Hopefully your husband is strong enough to remain by your side until you do. Wouldn't you do the same for him? Life is hard, and one never knows when the shoe may be on the other foot and HE is the one needing help.

Good luck to you.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Anonymous2013 said:


> How did you come to the conclusion that it was you the one with a problem ? btw check out my thread our cases seem to be pretty similar.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/physic...9041-wife-suffering-anxiety-walking-away.html


She said that she worries too much to begin with and then by taking on these new obligations she added more stress which she wasn't able to cope with. Her husband encouraged her to go to counseling which is good. 

She needs to learn how to cope with stress. Some of that might be telling her husband how to help her. Some of it might be figuring out how to have fewer obligations. But I'm not sure how you can point at her husband given the info she mentioned. 

Depression is a real physical illness, not something just in your mind. If you came down with Type 2 Diabetes would you say that someone else was responsible for the physical change in your body? No, you would seek to modify your diet, etc.. It's the same with depression.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Anonymous2013 said:


> Sounds a lot like what my wife is putting me through, the only difference is that she is not accepting any responsibility for her bad behavior and is refusing any help, as for what you can do, I would say keep going to therapy and give it time because your husband is probably pissed off about all the stuff he has been through, I know I am.


He's probably more concerned than angry. He should be educated to understand that depression is a chemical imbalance in the brain. That way he knows that you need a treatment plan that could involve medication rather than just talk. 

That's the misconception about depression - that it is basically the same thing as feeling sad. It's much different.


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## Anonymous2013 (Jul 17, 2013)

VermisciousKnid said:


> She needs to learn how to cope with stress. Some of that might be telling her husband how to help her. Some of it might be figuring out how to have fewer obligations. But I'm not sure how you can point at her husband given the info she mentioned.


Where exactly did I point to her husband?? if anything I know what he went through and sympathize with him, I'm going through a very similar situation and I'm asking when did she realize she has a problem, because I have taken my wife to therapy and she refuses to accept any responsibility, or even acknowledge that she has any issues.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Anonymous2013 said:


> Where exactly did I point to her husband?? if anything I know what he went through and sympathize with him, I'm going through a very similar situation and I'm asking when did she realize she has a problem, because I have taken my wife to therapy and she refuses to accept any responsibility, or even acknowledge that she has any issues.


I may have misunderstood. You said "How did you come to the conclusion that it was you that had the problem?"

I understood it to mean that her husband might be the cause. If I got that wrong, sorry about that!


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## StupidWife (Jul 21, 2013)

Anonymous2013 said:


> How did you come to the conclusion that it was you the one with a problem ? btw check out my thread our cases seem to be pretty similar.
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/physic...9041-wife-suffering-anxiety-walking-away.html


It was easy because my husband didn't do anything wrong. It was my attitude toward life, my reaction to everything at the time, I knew it was me with an issue. Also, when you see someone you love suffering so much, you want to do everything you can to fix that. It gave me a motivation to fix and better myself for him. However we end up, I will be thankful for him bringing me out of the hole and helping me as he always has done.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## StupidWife (Jul 21, 2013)

Anonymous2013 said:


> Where exactly did I point to her husband?? if anything I know what he went through and sympathize with him, I'm going through a very similar situation and I'm asking when did she realize she has a problem, because I have taken my wife to therapy and she refuses to accept any responsibility, or even acknowledge that she has any issues.


The exact moment that hit me was when my husband sat me down and talked about the issues. He probably tried to tell me before but they never got through to me. But this time, it hit me hard and I saw how serious the problems were and I was the one causing them. He talked to me with care and love, which probably helped me to take what he was saying without being defensive. I didn't feel I was being attacked. I felt that he cares about me and he is hurting so much. He even cried telling me all this. When I saw him seriously sad like that, it was a total wake up call.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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