# Wife has Gained weight, sex life is suffering...anybody been here?



## wodensworn (Sep 16, 2012)

?


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## Drover (Jun 11, 2012)

You're not going to convince her she's still sexy to you. Start working out and hope she does the same. Start taking her on nice romantic evening walks. Start doing the grocery shopping so there's not a lot of crap in the house. 

If nothing else works, sit her down and tell her this is just unacceptable. Whether she feels bad about it or not, it's having a detrimental affect on your sex life and your marriage so she can either get over it or lose the weight. And you'll support her in either decision.


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## 40isthenew20 (Jul 12, 2012)

That's an issue that I endured for a few years. My wife was a stick figure and under 100 pounds when we got married and even bounced back after giving birth tour first child. But the second pregnancy/c-section for number two took its toll on her. 

She had medical issues, as well, and was not able to lose a lot of the weight she out on. She hated it and it made her feel bad about her appearance. She was able to lose nearly all of it within a few years and now it's been over 10, but she still doesn't feel like her old self (skin stretched out). 

You know what? She turned me on all throughout the weight gains, loss and in between. Even though she wasn't happy, I kept stressing to her that it wasn't a number on the scale I was in love with. 

This weight gain definitely had a lot to do with her getting more LD over the years, and it is something that women find hard to forget. Even when we try our best as husbands to accept them as they are


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## cent130130 (Nov 6, 2011)

I'm in the same boat, but don't have a good solution. I think as husbands, we need to constantly be reassuring our wives that we only have eyes for them, and that we fell in love with their inside person, which is the reason we enjoy them physically. Unfortunately, I don't think many women understand that although we are attracted to them in a physical way, i.e. physical intimacy, I firmly believe that we connect emotionally via the physical. In my opinion, most women don't realize the damage inflicted upon their men emotionally, when they deny or limit us physically. 

My advice: stand by and support your wife regardless, you married her, you committed yourself to her, that's what men do. Good luck!


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

After 3 kids and presumably being a SAHM, it's completely understandable that she'd gain a bit of weight. Just constantly reassure her about her appearance and affirm your desire for her. Give her spontaneous physical affection (not sexual) and words of validation. My first ever girlfriend used to be so self concious about stretch marks she had on her stomach. They weren't even that bad, but she built them up into something so horrendous she thought I'd lurch the minute I saw them. I just kissed her stomach, looked her in the eyes and told her she was beautiful. For some reason that worked and she became very comfortable around me. 

If all else fails, volunteer to start a diet regiment with her. Take the kids off her hands a couple days a week and let her join a gym.


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

My wife sounds exactly like yours op. Unfortuntely I dealt with it in the worst way, as my thread in the infidelity section will testify. Now I just wan to save my marriage after my cheating. Don't make the same mistakes, talk to her now, and try and work it out


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## bahbahsheep (Sep 6, 2012)

I thought men like women with a bit of meat on their bodies?


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## Mr.not.so.right (Aug 28, 2012)

bahbahsheep said:


> I thought men like women with a bit of meat on their bodies?


Everyone has a type I guess


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## Clear Blue Water (Sep 16, 2012)

wodensworn said:


> I am 35, my wife is 34. we have three kids 7, 9, 11. Been married for 14 years. We were high school sweet hearts.
> 
> Anyway, 3 kids and several years later she is much bigger than before. Not gross fat, but a bit plump.
> 
> ...


Well I meet my wife when she was oversize already and I felt in love with her not for the way she looks but for the way she was. Through the time she did gain more weight, pregnancy and not great eating habits. What was my role? Be there for her, when she needs support. She also covers herself when I’m looking at her sometimes, but I just told her: I love you the way you are. Weight has been an issue (for her) through the entire time of our marriage; I can’t recall how many different things she tried lose weight. Today, we have learn how to work out together in the gym, and more than looking forward to see her slim I just want her to live longer and have a healthy life. Be patience and listen to her feelings and maybe is a good time to start working out together as couple.


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## Henri (Jun 30, 2012)

bahbahsheep said:


> I thought men like women with a bit of meat on their bodies?


Depends on the meat and the body. Some women look hotter than others. 

Re OP, it is all in the mind of course. The answer is that she loose weight, or she adjusts her mind. Changing her attitude whilst eating and exercising is probably the better way as it will boost confidence and really we will never be as thin as were were at 21.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My STBXW fit the description you wrote to a T, with the exception that our sex life was never that good to begin with. In my case, the primary reason for leaving my marriage was not that she didn't want sex, it was her refusal to attempt any efforts to improve the situation. Her weight was causing self esteem issues, no matter how much I tried to convince her that she was still attractive to me. Yet she would sit downstairs every evening, drink a bottle of wine and watch TV all night. She would complain that her BC pill (that she was on to regulate her cycles, since I was snipped) caused her weight gain, yet she would refuse to talk to her doctor about any other options. She would say that she wanted to work out, but when we got an elliptical, a gym membership, or I adjusted my schedule to make sure she had time to go for a walk (even going for my runs at 5 in the morning so my evenings were free), she'd continue her tv/wine evenings. She was on anti-anxiety meds that she didn't like, yet she wouldn't make an appointment to talk to a therapist to work on how to control her panic attacks without them. 

In the end, I decided that she simply wasn't going to change or get better. So my options were accept the situation or get out of it. I chose to get out. I did foolishly chose to cheat just prior to leaving my marriage, in an attempt to meet my intimacy desires while still keeping my marriage together. You don't give any indications of considering that, but don't do it in any case. All that did was shine the light on how much was wrong in my marriage, and hasten the end. I didn't get caught, but the price was my lost integrity.

C


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

It wasn't until I was a 36 mile a week runner before I gained that confidence to walk around naked freely in front of my husband. That's after 3 kids and gaining/losing 100lbs each time. Then I broke my neck and I gained weight again not changing my eating habits.

This past year I've worked extremely hard to lose the weight I gained. I haven't lost it all, but I'm gaining my confidence back. I've keep track of my calories eaten and I bike when my neck isn't in unbearable pain. I can now take showers with him and freely walk naked in the bedroom or house(when kids are gone).

It's all about confidence. I have 100% trust in my husband as well. I know no matter what I look like he is not going to judge me. If he had any issues with something he wasn't fond of, he'd communicate it in a nice way. I can finally fit into a two piece swim suit again. However, I'll never have that toned look when I was a runner.

It's all about confidence. Even my husband has had issues in the past about his own body. He doesn't like how skinny he looks and use to hide his body from me. We love each other unconditionally. After 12 years of marriage we are pretty darn comfortable with each other.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Henri said:


> Depends on the meat and the body. Some women look hotter than others.
> 
> Re OP, it is all in the mind of course. The answer is that she loose weight, or she adjusts her mind. Changing her attitude whilst eating and exercising is probably the better way as it will boost confidence and really we will never be as thin as were were at 21.


 :iagree:








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brendan (Jun 1, 2011)

my wife went from 55k.g when i met her to 85 k.g and weighs more than me 5 years later.

laziness, and her sex drive went to zero


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