# Help with project



## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So I'm posting here because I need serious help with projects and goals. I'm horrible about wanting to start projects and/or finishing projects once started...it's so bad that it's become a bone of contention within my marriage. So to help better myself, I'm publizing my projects/goals so that people can help give me accountability and ideas. I really want to get better...I don't need this bone of contention in my marriage.

So here goes: I want to start a project to organize all of my husband's military gear. I have a study that is perfect to hold it all and it also has a small closet. I was thinking of getting shelving units and sorting all the gear...adding labels for all the slots so that he would know where everything is. The room currently looks like a tornado or a small child went through it, so I'm gonna have to clean up and sort through it first.

What do y'all think? Am I taking on too much? Should I organize it a different way? I'm open to ideas. I also need help staying accountable. That's the biggie. I want to have this project done in 8 days. Tomorrow will be Day 1 and it will be Clean Up Day.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Okay, thought about this, and figured out a decent plan...so here goes:

Day 1: Sort/Clean the disaster of a room first

Day 2: Take measurements of the room and plan which shelving racks I'm gonna need and where they are gonna go.

Day 3: Pull any gear that is stowed elsewhere into the gear room to await sorting to racks.

Day 4: Buy the racks and set them up.

Day 5/6: Place gear on racks and label them accordingly.

Day 7: Do any and all final touches, like setting up computer, Wi-Fi, etc.

Day 8: Decide on a new project.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

in case anyone is wondering why this is in the general relationship forum, its because akinauras inability to finish projects and accomplish goals, or really just turning thoughts into actions in general, has caused a lot of strife between us lately. well, i guess it has always been an issue, not just lately. 

in talking about it, i reminded her about the few times that she started threads on things she wanted to do, mostly centered around the aquarium hobby. without fail, she accomplished the things she posted threads about. so, i suggested she start a thread to help get better at sticking to her goals and finishing her projects. im hoping, if she is successful at this, that she can continue to post goals and can continue to make progress, which will help BOTH of us work together towards our own mutual goals. 

i would like to keep most of the goal and project related stuff public here, to motivate both of us to be both logical and fair. 

ultimately, what she wants out of it is to boost her self esteem. what i want out of it is to work better with her as a team, and to have a more effective partner(when it comes to accomplishing goals). basically, we are hoping that this thread will help us be a more coherent unit. 

as is my philosophy with all things, if we are not actively improving, we are actively getting worse. 

@Akinaura, im feeling better about it already. i like your plan so far. when you decide on the racks you want and figure out how many you need, tally up the cost and post it here. ill transfer it when you do.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

A suggestion is to make this visible in your home.

Portable white board/somewhere to stick post-it notes.
Line up a good playlist. 

Create 3 columns > To Do / Doing / Done.

Write out tasks involved. 'Clean room' expands to specific tasks. Note what they are.

Keep tasks to 5-20min time periods. 
As you're working on a task, move the note from To Do to the Doing column. 
Once the task is completed, move it to Done.

This might keep the time-frame realistic and achievable for you. 

Being visible in this way may also help keep you on track. Good luck!


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

That's a good idea @heartsbeating . I didn't think about actually making a moving checklist. I'll try it out with construction paper first (I'm a mom, cant ya tell, lol), and see how it goes.

As far as Day 1: Clean went. Well, I really really didn't want to start it. Bad sleep night, work, and rain made me just not in the mood to do anything but relax when I got home. I talked Asla and he prodded me to just get it done. So on went Disney tunes, and I picked a corner that was cleaner than the rest (it just so happened to be the desk I moved in there this past weekend). Well, the computer moniter/tv needs to be sat on that, so that cleared a new space, and I just kept moving from one clean space to another.

At the end, I was amazed to see it had only taken about 20 or so to clean and straighten the room. To top it off, I made $1.35 from the change I found on the floor!

I usually feel guilty for putting things off, but tonight, I just feel like I can put my feet up and relax for the night. Its...different.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> That's a good idea @heartsbeating . I didn't think about actually making a moving checklist. I'll try it out with construction paper first (I'm a mom, cant ya tell, lol), and see how it goes.
> 
> As far as Day 1: Clean went. Well, I really really didn't want to start it. Bad sleep night, work, and rain made me just not in the mood to do anything but relax when I got home. I talked Asla and he prodded me to just get it done. So on went Disney tunes, and I picked a corner that was cleaner than the rest (it just so happened to be the desk I moved in there this past weekend). Well, the computer moniter/tv needs to be sat on that, so that cleared a new space, and I just kept moving from one clean space to another.
> 
> ...


:wink2:


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Day 2: Measurements

Went to work, and got home super late. Usually happens when work doesn't schedule the closing shift correctly for my job. But I knew today's task was a simple one. Find the tape measure, measure the free space, and then plan out how I wanted the racks I need to store gear were to look and how many I needed.

It turns out, my free space at the smallest is 45" in width, and at it's largest, 75" in space...so a bit of wiggle room to plan. When it all came down to looking at Lowe's as to which rack system I wanted, I decided on the edsel 72Hx48Wx24D 5 tier racks. They are going to give me the ability to modify thsw shelving spacing to accome date the gear, but also give me study enough racks to hold the amount of gear he has. I also decided 4 of the racks was enough so I would be able leave enough room for the 2 large tough boxes he has. 

Just for future reference, I'm listing the part number for the racks here. It's 101933.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Akinaura said:


> Okay, thought about this, and figured out a decent plan...so here goes:
> 
> Day 1: Sort/Clean the disaster of a room first
> 
> ...


Day *** Always add some extra days/time for the unexpected. Why plan for the unexpected?


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Oops! Forgot to say how much and where!

So, one rack each will be going on either side of the French doors leading into the study. The 3rd one will go on the wall that has a window. The last one will be between the desk I moved in this past weekend and the small closet the room has.

Now cost. If the racks stay on sale, they will be $69.95. With 4 racks, that comes out to be $279.80 before tax. If they go back to regular price, they are $89.95. Again, with the 4 racks, that comes out to be $359.80 before tax. Totally worth it to organize his gear!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> Oops! Forgot to say how much and where!
> 
> So, one rack each will be going on either side of the French doors leading into the study. The 3rd one will go on the wall that has a window. The last one will be between the desk I moved in this past weekend and the small closet the room has.
> 
> Now cost. If the racks stay on sale, they will be $69.95. With 4 racks, that comes out to be $279.80 before tax. If they go back to regular price, they are $89.95. Again, with the 4 racks, that comes out to be $359.80 before tax. Totally worth it to organize his gear!


cool. i just transferred 400 dollars into your account. let us know how it goes!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Akinaura said:


> ......So here goes:* I want to start a project to organize all of my husband's military gear.* I have a study that is perfect to hold it all and it also has a small closet. I was thinking of getting shelving units and sorting all the gear...adding labels for all the slots so that he would know where everything is. The room currently looks like a tornado or a small child went through it, so I'm gonna have to clean up and sort through it first.
> 
> *What do y'all think? Am I taking on too much?* Should I organize it a different way? *I'm open to ideas.* I also need help staying accountable. That's the biggie. I want to have this project done in 8 days. Tomorrow will be Day 1 and it will be Clean Up Day.


Let's get the big picture first.

Has your spouse requested or told you they need to get their military gear organized?

If not why do you feel compelled to do it? Yes the room is messy, but some people are messy and actually like it that way and know where everything is located in what looks like an unorganized mess to you.

Before you challenge yourself and expend a lot of energy, you need to know that this is something your spouse wants done and will not piss them off.

STOP1 THINK! TALK TO YOUR SPOUSE! 

SEE WHAT THEY WANT NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO IMPOSE ON THEM!

Good luck, may I suggest some marriage counseling.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> Let's get the big picture first.
> 
> Has your spouse requested or told you they need to get their military gear organized?
> 
> ...


Akinaura has spoken to her husband. he is well aware of the project she wants to tack, and agrees that it is a good idea. im not sure what marriage counseling is supposed to help with...

:smile2:


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

You know, I never did manage to get my wife into marriage counseling.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Hey, Aki. The "three pots" system is basically the same thing Hearts discussed.

It works if you use it.

Welcome back to TAM!


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Thanks @farsidejunky

I needed the break from it. Life got crazy, marriage went to crude, and now it's back to square one with me and Asla. Good news is that my head is getting screwed on straight and I'm working towards the marriage (I hope), and not against it. But it's a day at a time.

Today's goal is to pull gear from all the different places it's stowed. It's going to be interesting because tonight is also Girl Scout night and I always get back late on these nights. So I think a fully charged phone and the light on it are gonna be my buddies.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> Thanks @farsidejunky
> 
> I needed the break from it. Life got crazy, marriage went to crude, and now it's back to square one with me and Asla. Good news is that my head is getting screwed on straight and I'm working towards the marriage (I hope), and not against it. But it's a day at a time.
> 
> Today's goal is to pull gear from all the different places it's stowed. It's going to be interesting because tonight is also Girl Scout night and I always get back late on these nights. So I think a fully charged phone and the light on it are gonna be my buddies.


get what you can get done aki, but maintain 8 hours for sleep. if you dont get to all of it, do the rest tomorrow or over the weekend. update us on how long you worked at it and how much you got done, but dont cut into time you need for sleep, ok? the idea is to make make a habit of steady progress, not to try and tackle it all at once.

nuar eid't vdrouk!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

As'laDain said:


> Akinaura has spoken to her husband. he is well aware of the project she wants to tack, and agrees that it is a good idea. im not sure what marriage counseling is supposed to help with...
> 
> :smile2:


I didn't see any of that in the opening post of this thread, but if its an agreed upon project then that is another story. 

What I read implied a compulsive organizer who was going to organize her husbands gear because it was what she wanted to do. If it was the later, then yes marriage counseling would help.

Sorry, I didn't know the details.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Young at Heart said:


> I didn't see any of that in the opening post of this thread, but if its an agreed upon project then that is another story.
> 
> What I read implied a compulsive organizer who was going to organize her husbands gear because it was what she wanted to do. If it was the later, then yes marriage counseling would help.
> 
> Sorry, I didn't know the details.


Akinaura is my wife. she is not a compulsive organizer, we just picked this as a first project. she is trying to make a habit of completing things she starts. she is bipolar and has a horrible tendency to start projects with great gusto, but never complete them. so, we came up with this thread as an idea to help her get used to more effective approaches to getting things done. since i am away from home for 9 to 10 months out of the year, i cannot be there to guide her through forming new habits. and talking on the phone doesnt help because... well, i dont know. so, we came up with this idea. 

so far, it seems to be working. 

:smile2:


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So yesterday was a wash.

I got called into work to help cover cashiers that had called out. I'm cross trained in my primary job and as cashier, so during the week, this happens often. While at work, I started developing either a cold or a sinus infection.. I don't know what. I bought some mucinex on a break and once my shift was over, came home to try and get some work done on the project.

By the time I got home, I sounded like a frog (Asla can attest to this), felt like a Great Dane was sitting on my fave, and couldn't find the ice cubes somebody must have hidden around me to make me so cold. So it ended up being a night on the couch with my little tucked in on me, watching movies. I woke up this morning to her still there. She really likes taking care of Mommy when Mommy doesn't feel good cause then she can play "Nurse".

I'm feeling a lot better this morning, so as soon as my little one is up, we are off to get the racks, build them, and make a party out of finishing up the room today.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

And remember, setbacks never mean you should give up.

It is very tempting to throw up your hands when you get behind, and reset everything to zero by saying you give up on this project. Tempting... but nope, not this time.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So, picked up the shelves...and scored the sale so I was pretty happy about that. Also made sure my veteran discount was connected to the mylowes reward card (now the only way to get the military/veteran discount at lowes), so that saved me a few extra bucks there.

What I wasn't expecting was for the shelves to be so heavy. Thankfully it seems I pull off the "damsel in distress" look quite well because I had guys helping me both get them off the shelf at the store and load them up in my suv. Thankfully I have a covered carport where I was planning to build these heavy things at!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> So, picked up the shelves...and scored the sale so I was pretty happy about that. Also made sure my veteran discount was connected to the mylowes reward card (now the only way to get the military/veteran discount at lowes), so that saved me a few extra bucks there.
> 
> What I wasn't expecting was for the shelves to be so heavy. Thankfully it seems I pull off the "damsel in distress" look quite well because I had guys helping me both get them off the shelf at the store and load them up in my suv. Thankfully I have a covered carport where I was planning to build these heavy things at!


if they are too heavy to carry, get them laid out in the car port and open them up and bring the pieces in, build them in the house. better to make several trips and get the job done safely then to try and carry something too heavy and hurt yourself. 

you are almost done aki. the only thing left to do is build the racks, place the gear, and make the labels. 

the only thing i will ask of you is to use the labels on the inside of the gear for the labels on the racks. that way, when i am going through my clothing record, i can actually identify them by the labels. NSN's help too. but even if you dont do any of that, i can do that all when i get home. im looking forward to seeing it when i get home. 

imagine doing packing lists where i can just go into the gear room and grab stuff off racks like i am shopping at the grocery store... no more gear vomit!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

for the purposes of this thread, suggestions on what the next project should be are welcome. 

like i said earlier, the whole point is to get akinaura used to making progress toward her goals and projects until she completes them. basically, to get passed the psychological stuff that usually stops her, until it is a habit to do so. that said, the best way to do it is to keep coming up with new projects and keep doing them.


one that i would personally like to get started is a garden. something that is low maintenance, doesn't require a whole lot of work to keep going. i dont spend a lot of time at home, but when i am home, i tend to eat a lot of things that we grow: chickens, eggs, edible weeds, microgreens, etc. i would like a garden that can grow something that doesnt take a lot of work. im thinking something along Ruth Stout's method.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

I personally love Ruth Stout's method, but then again, she is low maintenance when it comes to the garden.

For her method, we don't have a vehicle that can haul the amount of straw/hay we would need. I can see if I can use my family's truck when they get back from vacation in a few days (3 days to be exact).

I'd like to grow corn, asparagus, carrots, peas, and strawberries in the garden. These are all stuff we eat a lot of fresh. 

Two things I can see needing plans for: watering and the sprouts being racked. I have been and am horrible about remembering to water so I need help coming up with something that will allow me to remember to water and also make it easy to water. As for the sprouts, they are easy enough to set up, it's just after the 7th day, they need to be watered daily, if not multiple times a day.

So, basically, where the help really is needed is coming up with ways to help myself remember to water and feed daily. We had chickens until I failed to do that.

I dunno...maybe I can write in permanent marker on the door I always take out of the house to feed/water? Print out notes for around the house that are placed where I am always at during the day.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> I personally love Ruth Stout's method, but then again, she is low maintenance when it comes to the garden.
> 
> For her method, we don't have a vehicle that can haul the amount of straw/hay we would need. I can see if I can use my family's truck when they get back from vacation in a few days (3 days to be exact).
> 
> ...


so, the chickens are dead?


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

As'laDain said:


> so, the chickens are dead?


Yes, they are.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I know if I bring up the next project before the present project is complete, Mary's anxiety levels skyrocket.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

akinaura said:


> yes, they are.


...

:|


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

Plants are good.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

WilliamM said:


> I know if I bring up the next project before the present project is complete, Mary's anxiety levels skyrocket.


aki is the same in that regard. she gets distracted by thinking about anything other than the task at hand. but, its mainly because she looks at goals as the whole instead of seeing the small steps. the whole task is overwhelming, the daily steps are not. 

hence the point of this thread...

so, @Akinaura, in light of the news about the chickens... what you need to make a habit of is the small things you need to do every day. just like the small steps that you need to do to accomplish the larger goals. instead of trying to organize the entire gear room and build the racks today, all you had to do was go buy them. tomorrow, you can bring them into the house and build them. then the day after, you can start going through the gear and putting things away. THAT is how i want you to approach the animals. each day, its just a small task. so, lets use this thread as a living journal of sorts, to document how you are doing with this, how well its working, and to help gain insight from others when something doesn't seem to be working.

i know that you want to get better at these kinds of things. i know that for years you have felt like you can do nothing but fail. but guess what? we haven't tried everything and im not done trying if you aren't.

so, aki, i want you to list out the things you need to do for the animals each day. if you want, you can have DD help you with them. you can even give the basic animal care mostly to her if you want, im sure she would love to help out. all YOU need to do make sure that the checklist gets done each day and update the thread. as DD gets used to helping out, she will likely start helping to remind you anyway. 

so, write out a list of things you need to do every day to take care of the animals. feed/water dogs and cats(i know you never forget to do that, but include it anyway), feed the fish, check their water level. i have set the tanks up so that you don't need to do much, but whenever you find something that needs to be done, write it out here. 

as you get better and better at sticking to the daily small things, you will have more and more positive things to report(and i will have more ways to brag about you). 

i have seen you go from where you were when we first met to where you are now. you have made more progress than anyone reading this will ever know. i KNOW you can cement this last thing. hence why i keep bugging you about it... 

anyway, i love you girl. i haven't given up on you, so don't give up on yourself. we will get more chickens, i will keep finding new ways of doing things, and between us we will have that dream we have always wanted. you know what i am talking about.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Okay, so a "Running Chore List":

Straighten Living Room
Straighten Kitchen
Dishes
Laundry
Feed dogs
Check(or refill if needed) cats food
Check (or refill if needed) animals water bowl
Check fish tanks, add water when needed
Feed fish
Project slot

I added at the end a "Project Slot" to always make sure I remembered I had to make progress on a current project and update this thread.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

looks good aki. i look forward to tomorrows "RCL" report.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Okay, so here goes the first day's RCL report:

First off, it's freaking cold here!! We got a possible snow storm headed our way so working outside today wasn't fun at all! I only managed to get two of the shelves built, but I'm not upset. That's two shelves built, moved inside, placed, and items starting to go up on them. So half the room looks fantastic, the other half at least looks like I know what I'm doing lol. I have run into an issue with all the language stuff my husband has, so I think a few small bookends will help out a lot with that. Even better if I can get DD to help me craft them, as it will mean more to both.

For the rest of the chores:
Laundry is ongoing (double load day, towels and regular clothes)
Lining room/Dinig Room/Kitchen straightened
Dishes drying
Animals fed, water bowl checked

Now those damn fish...I'll admit, I was lazy...didn't want to run back and forth outside again with the hose today to fill them up.. so I grabbed the 5g fill bucket we have and filled up that way. Made it fun though cause the DD was in charge of the water and she couldn't help but try and get me wet constantly. Thus the need for two loads of laundry today...i think I still have water in my ear...

Tomorrow I'll have enough time to build a shelving unit before work, which sets me up with building the second one when I get home with DD, and just moving them both in. And somehow cook tacos...I swear if I don't cook tacos soon I'm gonna have a mini revolt on my hands...


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Before I forget:

Sexy video for Asla and video of fish tank sent via encrypted app before I leave for work in the morning.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Okay, so I my plan moving forward is to have an alarm set on my phone in the morning and at night so I can check/update this thread. Because I've forgotten 2 days in a row now.

Monday I was basically a zombie...got a few hours sleep but still managed to get a couple of things done...like track down a package, make a couple of videos for Asla, and go to work...but when I got home, i basically just crashed and burned.

Yesterday, we had a huge audit come through work and once we got the result of it (passed with high results), it was a huge stress off the store's collective shoulders). So I came home, knocked out the RCL from where I had ignored it the day before in favor of my mattress, and went to sleep.

Today's project goal is to get up to Social Services and get information on completing a homestudy so we can complete step 1 of fostering/adopting. Aside from DD, I haven't been able to have children, so this will be a way for us to expand our family.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

What did we say about adequate sleep?

Perhaps planning one day per week for the special project would allow you to get enough sleep and keep on truckin’. 

After all, how many hours per day do you typically find yourself sitting around wondering what to do to fill the next hour of sad lonely emptiness? Granted, having something you need to be doing can keep you from ever having a moment when that happens, so being busy protects you, but balance is needed.

That empty moment can be it’s own terror, yes. But you need to sleep.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Sleep is an ongoing issue for me, and one I'm keenly aware of.  I'm diagnosed bipolar type 1, so my ability to sleep is already affected by that. Sunday night, I took my usual sleep med at an appropriate time (9pm) but I just couldn't "calm" my manic side down enough. There are a few things I can do to change up my evening routine, so I will look into that though. 

As far as today went, it was quite relaxing and stress free since I wasn't scheduled to work. (And no call in either!) I did get up to Social Services and got information on fostering/adopting. It looks like I have about a month or so of work to do to the house before it's ready for a homestudy, but once the homestudy application and criminal background checks are done, we will be well on our way.

The RCL other than was nothing of special to report. Well, I need to grab dog food soon and tie outs so the pups can start spending more time outside as the weather improves.

The new double alarm seems to be working. It's set to a different tone and I knew as soon as I heard it tonight I needed to post.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Okay, tomorrow's RCL and Project slot:

I scheduled for work, but on one my breaks I'm gonna make a phone call down to the Southern States in town and to the Tractor Supply store in town to get the cost on 4-6 square bales of hay.

Here's my math, someone correct me if I'm wrong:

A single bale is supposed to cover 78-80 square ft of area at a depth of 2". I need my garden covered at a depth of 8". My garden 20'x60', which makes it 120 square ft.

If my math is right, one able, at a coverage depth of 8", will only last 20 or so square ft. So at the very least I need 5, and having an extra one is just the smart way to go...

I'll update tomorrow once I know how much each able is gonna coat me. I don't think they will cost me much, the bigger issue is getting a hold of the family truck to load them all up, lol!


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

6

But depends on how stringent that 8 inches is.

One bale is 20 square feet at 8 inches deep by your report.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So yesterday was an awesome day in my book!

RCL was quite easy, knocked it out with the DD within 20 mins of getting home. Then we spent the rest of the evening watching a movie together. Before she went to sleep, she let me know that the ISS was going to be doing a flyby at our latitude this morning at 0624 and she wanted to watch it. She also was super excited about how there was a female in charge of the ISS for the first time. It was so nice to see her eyes light up about it.

As far projects go, I went through the paperwork I got fro Social Services and went through the house after she went to sleep and checked off everything that was up to code for the homestudy. 

For today's RCL project slot, I'm going to start a notebook on just the tasks needed to bring the other areas of the house up to code. Things like screens in all Windows, locks on all doors (inside and out), smoke detectors and fire extinguishers to name a few. That way I can start building a cost sheet for Asla as to what funds I will need to do each step.

As for the garden, I'll be purchasing the hay this weekend and scheduling an appointment on my phone for planting. That way I can give the hay enough time to start some decomposing before I get the seeds in there. After that, the RCL will change to include watering twice a day for 20 minutes or until it's wet.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So today was a total relax day for the DD and i...I didn't stress out if the house wasn't straighten 100% today (it's Friday for Pete's sake), but the RCL did get knocked out pretty quickly since DD wanted time on the PS4 today.

As for my project slot, I grabbed a 3 subject notebook from work that is solely about projects. The first couple of pages got filled up with "hunny do" lists I need to start work on to break down and organize. But at least they are off the P df file on my phone and on paper now. Next step, and what I will be doing tomorrow is to transfer each project (or group of projects if they are really small like smoke detectors and drain repair) can be written down and the coat of the materials needed written down. I want to also add a spot for time, so I can write down how much time I think it should take. It's a way I keep track to see if my thinking is becoming grandiose or not.

And before I forget and have to post twice, tomorrow we are adding a birthday part for a coworkers son and still figure out how to get the hay since I can use the truck this weekend.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So, keeping this short and sweet.

RCL: Completed in about 30 minutes today

Add-on to RCL: Gear room labeling. As I have been cleaning and going through bags getting uniforms washed, new items are being added to the gear room daily. So, each day, I just need to check in to see if any new gear was washed and placed in the gear room so I can put a label on the rack with it's ID on it.

Didn't get a chance to get hay today, but that's cause the weather just did not want to cooperate today. It was finally warm enough for yard work, but the wind wasn't going to be nice enough and stay calm for me today. Tomorrow is hopefully looking like a better shot. We will see.

Also found out that my alarm didn't go off tonight for posting like it was supposed to. Turns out, I had redone a school alarm, which runs M-F for me...So I've gotten that fixed now.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

keep it up aki.

:smile2:


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Huh?

I'm confused-


Both husband and wife are posting on her to do list?


And they want to adopt children ?

But we can't figure out how to organize what?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

sandcastle said:


> Huh?
> 
> I'm confused-
> 
> ...


Go easy there, girl. Start on the first page.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

@Blondilocks : Thanks, lol
@sandcastle : Yep, both posting...sometimes it makes things a LOT easier when thousand of miles separate us from each other. Second, going back to the first page, I need help because of a huge issue that has been affecting my marriage for nearly 10 years. And now thanks to half the meds I need to take for two of my medical issues, my ability to maintain memory is worse than a senile goldfish. That's why I'm coming to the community to ask for help so I can develop the physical habits that will enable me to set my marriage back on track.

As far as today's RCL: no go on the hay again. Weather again did not contribute to being helpful. I did get good news to an extra day off during the week from work, so I'm going to work with spending time with my littlest brother to get it knocked out then. Maybe I can convince him and one of his friends that I'll supply the pizza and internet if they want to make a day of it. *shrugs* it's an idea

Aside from that, tomorrow after work I'm stopping by Lowe's Home Improvement store to see if they can help me with screen windows and a new door handle for our sliding glass door. That will knock two items off the homestudy list.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

sandcastle said:


> Huh?
> 
> I'm confused-
> 
> ...


what are your questions? the above are difficult to answer as they are not very clearly defined.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

As'laDain said:


> what are your questions? the above are difficult to answer as they are not very clearly defined.


Aki did a great job clearing the waters all by self.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

I thought today was never gonna end at work! 24 orders, none less than 40 unique items, I'm exhausted!

Swung by Lowe's, it's a no go on the handle. They don't carry mobile home sliding glass door handles. If anybody could lend me a place to look, I'd appreciate it. I'm gonna look online tomorrow. Did get help on measuring for screens, so that's my goal for tomorrow.

Coordinated with my mother and her pickup truck for pickup/delivery of hay bales on Wednesday afternoon. I'll have the cost tomorrow, so I can message Asla for transfer of funds. I'm also adding an appointment to my phone for 4 weeks from now to get the seeds into the ground.

RCL done, thread done, my butt is going to bed.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

No go on measuring for the window screens. I swear, this is where I start to get disheartened and throw my hands up. I had just dropped my daughter off at school when the call came in that I needed to cover a coworker' s shift. 

Tomorrow is going to be the same story. Same cowork is out on a doctor's note for a migraine. Same chick has a total of 3 weeks no work due to medical in the last 6 weeks. Grrr.

Regardless, RCL done. Coordinating with my mom to see if I can go super early one morning before work later this week. If so, I still accomplish my goal. Also, Asladain told me about reusing some of the old wood we have lying arou d for the door handle I am missing. Which I think is genius. Only tricky part would be finding an effective way to lock it. There was an interior locking mechanism in it before, so maybe I can incorporate one into the new handle. Then all I would have to do is get is two gate handles from Lowe's and I'm done.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Okay, it's supposed to be around, warmer temps...not cold and rainy...

Have coordinated with my mother and tomorrow the hay will be dropped off while I am at work...which means Friday I can attack it in the morning to get it all moved apart...woohoo!

R
Got home super late, but still managed to do the RCL and an additional add-on task for Asla.

Now I'm curled up in bed and enjoying an early night.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

So Aki-

What do you find joy in?

Like- what is Aki and her best day ever?

You seem to be fixated on your husband and his needs.

What if he died tomorrow? Who is Aki?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

sandcastle said:


> So Aki-
> 
> What do you find joy in?
> 
> ...


i think she spends enough time thinking about that...


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

I don't know if this will help you, but some things that help me.

1. Don't start projects that need to be completed in one go, or such that one can not live/move/breathe in the space until it is done.

2. Work in x time chunks, for me 1/2 hour. If I get into it, I don't stop. But I don't let myself burn out.

3. MUSIC or a great audio book on while I work.

Good luck!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't know if this will help you, but some things that help me.
> 
> 1. Don't start projects that need to be completed in one go, or such that one can not live/move/breathe in the space until it is done.
> 
> ...


all very good advice. 

i especially love MUSIC! its insane how much of a difference music can make. chore time? nope, not with music. with good music, its a dance party with a PURPOSE!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

As'laDain said:


> all very good advice.
> 
> i especially love MUSIC! its insane how much of a difference music can make. chore time? nope, not with music. with good music, its a dance party with a PURPOSE!


YES!


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

sandcastle said:


> So Aki-
> 
> What do you find joy in?
> 
> ...


Okay, couldn't help but giggle somewhat at this...me, fixate on Asla? Go argue with him on that one. He swears up and down I don't spend enough time focusing on him. He some times jokes he would have to tie me to the couch just to get me to sit still long enough to simply watch a movie with him. 🤣

As for what I find joy in and my best day ever....it all revolves around helping people. It's why I really do enjoy my job. I grocery shop for others who can't, and then get to help while in the store find things. You should see their face when their ask where something is and I can rattle off specific directions to it down to which shelf it's on. It's awesome.

As for that last line...we don't allow such thought to become a focus in this house. I'm part of a group of families who understands that concept better than most. I know full well what will happen should the unfortunate happen...and instead of allowing it to consume me, I smile and keep walking with the thought that he's just on an extended business trip.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't know if this will help you, but some things that help me.
> 
> 1. Don't start projects that need to be completed in one go, or such that one can not live/move/breathe in the space until it is done.
> 
> ...


#1 is a big problem for me...I always think I can get the project done in one go...but then "SQUIRREL!", and I'm distracted by something else.

#2 Time chunks work fantastic for me...I work in 20 min blocks...it helps to keep me from becoming distracted.

#3 Thank you for the reminder about music! I keep forgetting to put some on when I'm working.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So, while at work, 5 compressed hay bales were dropped off at my house in the garden area. *dances* That means Saturday is the big day for the big Straw Fight...*cough* I mean prepping the garden...yeah...lol

Got home late, knocked out the RCL, updated thread, and now I'm sending my tired butt to bed...I can't wait for the weekend where as soon as the garden is done, I'm relaxing on the couch!


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

Akinaura said:


> Okay, couldn't help but giggle somewhat at this...me, fixate on Asla? Go argue with him on that one. He swears up and down I don't spend enough time focusing on him. He some times jokes he would have to tie me to the couch just to get me to sit still long enough to simply watch a movie with him. 🤣
> 
> As for what I find joy in and my best day ever....it all revolves around helping people. It's why I really do enjoy my job. I grocery shop for others who can't, and then get to help while in the store find things. You should see their face when their ask where something is and I can rattle off specific directions to it down to which shelf it's on. It's awesome.
> 
> As for that last line...we don't allow such thought to become a focus in this house. I'm part of a group of families who understands that concept better than most. I know full well what will happen should the unfortunate happen...and instead of allowing it to consume me, I smile and keep walking with the thought that he's just on an extended business trip.



Ok!
Keep it up!
Great Job!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> So, while at work, 5 compressed hay bales were dropped off at my house in the garden area. *dances* *That means Saturday is the big day for the big Straw Fight...**cough* I mean prepping the garden...yeah...lol
> 
> Got home late, knocked out the RCL, updated thread, and now I'm sending my tired butt to bed...I can't wait for the weekend where as soon as the garden is done, I'm relaxing on the couch!


im sure DD is going to get a kick out of that!

wish i could be there...


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

money transferred to cover hay.
@Akinaura, add this to the RCL, im putting it here so you dont forget about it: take actions to resolve the phone issue with my sister. ill leave it up to you on how you want to do that and what you find an acceptable solution.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

@As'laDain : Thanks for the money transfer.

I'll be talking Boogerbaby this weekend in regards to the phone issue. She will have until the 1st to transfer the phone or lose it. If she doesn't, April 1st, she loses service completely. I'll explain to Boogerman what's going on, so he doesn't freak out.

RCL done for the day, I'm worn slap out...I so need this weekend to relax, have fun, and knock out some house projects. Tmw is D-day for the garden.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

aki, you have cited weather as a reason for not making progress on the garden several times now...

remember, you dont have to tackle it all at once. if you find yourself avoiding it, break it into smaller steps and do the smaller steps instead. this will keep you moving forward with it when conditions prevent you from completing the step all at once. 

better to spread out one square bale a day than to keep pushing it back week after week.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

As'laDain said:


> aki, you have cited weather as a reason for not making progress on the garden several times now...
> 
> remember, you dont have to tackle it all at once. if you find yourself avoiding it, break it into smaller steps and do the smaller steps instead. this will keep you moving forward with it when conditions prevent you from completing the step all at once.
> 
> better to spread out one square bale a day than to keep pushing it back week after week.



You're right...I keep breaking down tasks, but still leaving them quite large, like the straw bales. Tomorrow, I'll break the task down further, since I have 5 bales, and make it my goal to get one spread out instead of becoming overwhelmed with all 5.

Today, it felt good to relax with DD. The weather wasn't being helpful outside, so we spent the day playing games on the PS4. The RCL got done, and I've added a new item to it, easily done each night. Learning new words in Arabic. So with that...

Ma manna: cat, dog, black, table, and soda.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> You're right...I keep breaking down tasks, but still leaving them quite large, like the straw bales. Tomorrow, I'll break the task down further, since I have 5 bales, and make it my goal to get one spread out instead of becoming overwhelmed with all 5.
> 
> Today, it felt good to relax with DD. The weather wasn't being helpful outside, so we spent the day playing games on the PS4. The RCL got done, and I've added a new item to it, easily done each night. Learning new words in Arabic. So with that...
> 
> Ma manna: cat, dog, black, table, and soda.


cat: qut قط, spelled with a qaff, the glottal q thing, and the emphatic T. feminine form: quta قطة 

dog: kelb كلب. feminine form: kelba كلبة

black: aswood أسود (literally pronounced ass-wood)or soda' سوداء. the first is masculine, the second is feminine and ends in a hamza, the glottal stop . being an adjective it takes the form of its noun(mascline vs feminine). 

table: Tawola طاولة. it starts with the emphatic T, and sounds kinda like towel, with an "uh" at the end. feminine noun.

soda: couple different options here... you can call it soda صودا, which is pretty common nowadays, or if you want to stick with modern standard arabic, call it mushroob ghazee مشروب غازي. the "gh" in ghazee is the ghayn, the letter that sounds like gargling water. mushroob gazee literally means "gassy drink". if you just want to be able to use it in every day speech, just stick with soda. 

i would love to keep the mice away, but our quta is a terrible mouser. i would set out glue traps, but you know the old saying, curiosity killed the quta. maybe we have just rendered our quta useless by giving her too much qut-nip? 
at least our kelb doesnt chase the mailman. he is a good kelb, but he certainly barks too much. oh well. you know what they say, a kelb is mands best friend, even if they are a bit quirky. now, if we can just get the little kelb to stay out of the quta's litter box... speaking of the quta, you havent been letting the quta on the tawola, have you? well, not that you can stop a quta from doing anything it wants to do... maybe we can get that old card tawola from the garage and set it up for the quta to play on. you know, the tawola soda'. the color aswood would probably help hide the inevitable scratches and stains and such, especially considering how much people like to put their cans of mushroob ghazee on random surfaces. it should last a while, unless you have the unfortunate experience of letting a qut aswood(or quta soda') cross your path. in which case you may be out of luck!

anyway, there is just a few starter sentences to get some context for you. should be easier for you to remember them now. speak them out loud in sentences to DD to really cement them. when it comes out easily, you probably wont ever forget them.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

The weather gods smiled upon me!! Gorgeous day so I got outside with DD and we definitely had a fun time spreading the straw out. Let's just say I had to vacuum the floor immediately afterwards because there was so much straw still sticking to us lol

RCL is done, just have to wait until next Satuday to plant the seeds. As for the roosters...I'm gonna have to trap them in the coop for the next few weeks until the plants take off...otherwise they will destroy everything! They are already trying to go after the straw piles.

Ma manna: bed, floor, job, store, grocery


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

bed: sareer سرير
floor: arDeeya ارضية (also means ground)
job: several words for job/work based on context used. google translate will provide you with a list, ask me about them and i will give you some sentences for context.
store: again, several different words based on context. google translate, or use a sentence and ill try and get the correct word to you.
grocery: again, several different words, but for grocery store, baqala بقالة probably fits the best.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So, for today...

RCL:

Spent time with DD at my Mom's house, as I have an early morning work schedule tomorrow. Came home and did the following while scarfing down dinner:

Fed the dogs, fed the cats (they were yelling quite loudly), moved wash to dry, started a new load, fed the fish, straightened up the living room, unloaded/reloaded the dishwasher.

I'm adding a new item to the RCL...something that was brought to my attention by Asla, and it should have been at the top of my list...but wasn't. One of the KEY signs I'm heading toward a manic episode is my money spending. In the last few days, it has gone out of control ($100-$150) per day. My account went negative today. Asla had to move money over to bring back to positive. With my account, it cannot handle this kind of spending. This is done on purpose as a yet another way to ensure my manic side doesn't screw my marriage over financially. By using a coping skill of checking the balance of the account daily, I can make the correct decisions on what to buy and not buy. So I will now be sending a screen shot of my account balance to Asla to show that I have opened up my bank app and seen how much is in my account daily.

From that, I will limit myself to $100 cash for gas and cigs for the week. That should keep me out of gas stations which is causing me to spend more money than I should. Once it's gone, it's gone. I'll start that on the next pay check so I can withdraw the money.

So, here is another plea...i need accountability partners...people who will help me by holding me accountable to things I say here, pestering me when I'm not posting, so that I learn these new behaviors and become not only a better person but a better wife.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Had an early work day yesterday that turned into a long workday...so I turned in early...and forgot to post.

RCL:
Fed dogs, fed cats, straightened living room, ran a load of laundry, checked bank balance, fed fish, and prepped lunch for work the next day.

This morning, woke up to my one eyed mouser having caught another mouse. That makes 3 she has caught. My other two cats are just about useless lol.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

I like your accountability post. Its a great idea. I will be happy to check up on your post and nag you. I have a degree in it.😁


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> I like your accountability post. Its a great idea. I will be happy to check up on your post and nag you. I have a degree in it.😁


Yay! *dances* A Professional Nag! All jokes and laughs aside, thank you, definitely need one...as you can tell by post earlier this morning, lol.

RCL:
Fed dogs, fed cats, fed fish, noticed water level is down. Scheduled water fill up on those for Sunday in phone as appt, checked banked balance. Also tried capturing roosters, but it was a no go. Gonna try again with them on Saturday. Ran a load of dishes through dishwasher, did one load of clothes.

Kinda said screw it to the living room, spent time with DD watching a Barbie movie with her before bedtime.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Long day at work and came home to my poor DD taking a dive off her bike...through the handlebars. Now she has a gnarly scrape on her ribcage and both tears and laughter to go along with it.

RCL:
Fed dogs/fish, cats are good on food. 
Checked water for all animals. Fish need top off Saturday for sure. 
Straightened living roI'm, dining room, kitchen.
Ran dishwasher
Wash to dry, started a new load, folded dried load. Will put away in morning.

Putting this here: Need to come up with vacation ideas by tomorrow to talk over with Asla. His bosses kinda have to know WAY in advance where we are going.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

LONG LONG day at work, came home and crashed for a little bit...but I got up and took care of the RCL.

RCL:

Fed dogs
Cats are good on food
Fed fish
Moved loads, not enough to start a new load yet
Straightened living room
Kitchen was fine since DD ate dinner at babysitter's and I just crashed.
Checked bank balance


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Aki, you have a busy life. Are you raising those fish for food? If not, that is one area where I can see eliminating some stress and streamlining your schedule. Unless, As'la is doing some type of frankenstein experiment. Half said in jest. :grin2:


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Aki, you have a busy life. Are you raising those fish for food? If not, that is one area where I can see eliminating some stress and streamlining your schedule. Unless, As'la is doing some type of frankenstein experiment. Half said in jest. :grin2:


She is keeping them alive for me. I have set the tanks up so that she only has to feed them every once in a while and top off the tanks on water whenever they get low. She can forget to feed them for the whole six months I am gone and the fish will survive, but won't do as well. With the way I have set it up, there are no water changes.

So, daily maintenance for fish should only involve feeding them.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

on a serious note, the experiment comment is not far off... i have experimented HEAVILY with fish and aquariums in the past. its why i know how to keep fish tanks that take care of themselves. basically, i set up a complete ecosystem, which usually involves 30 or so different species of critters and algae, before i ever put fish or plants in them. 

during the only two years in my career where i was home every day, i experimented with nearly every aspect of the aquarium hobby i could think of. i even developed special diets that i would feed to the live food cultures i was keeping for my fish. i had about 30 regular tanks and another 20 or so tanks devoted specifically for culturing various wee beasties that i was using to modify the overall ecology of my tanks. i spent about an hour a day on the hobby back then.

aki can easily forget to take care of the tanks because they dont interact with her. they are more or less ornaments, its not like they jump up to greet her when she walks in the door. as it is, there is a line of guppies in them that i have cross bred with a few others. i hope to take them and recreate a new strain i had started a few years ago. if i am successful, it will be a stunning new breed.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I knew it! For Aki's sake, I don't want to see your 'new breed' wind up in one of SyFy's creature features.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> I knew it! For Aki's sake, I don't want to see your 'new breed' wind up in one of SyFy's creature features.


lol, no promises there. 




before i joined the army, i bred a fish that could live in a cup full of piss left out in the hot summer sun. when it came to creating new stains of fish, i went as far as learning how to use PRC techniques. all of it DIY. its not like i had a degree in such things when i hadnt even graduated high school...


i dont have the time for that kinda stuff nowadays. all that said, im going to link something... i have never done this before, but it might help people understand what kind of person that aki is married to. she does NOT have things easy. my mind is CONSTANTLY blasting her with new ideas. it has to be exhausting... 


i am auban: Auban-Tricks-


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Your site is a bona fide hoot! Only have gotten through a couple areas so far. 

If you get hard up for cash, you can always grow that algae and sell it as a pot scrubber. Cute jokes, too (even Groucho would approve). 

Yeah, I can see that Aki has her hands full with you.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

lol, thats pete mangs site. he just asked me for permission to post some of my stuff up on his site. i only wrote the "tricks". 

speaking of which, i have a few more i need to submit... if i can ever find my old notes...


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So I've missed yesterday but I've caught myself and I'm post updates for two days.

Yesterday DD and I spent the day doing a total relax day. We fed the dogs, cats, fish, but we didn't really do anything else. We both just needed a day to be Mom and Dd and to not stress about anything else.

Today the Easter Bunny dropped off two baskets, one here and one at my mother's house. We straightened up the house, ran a load of laundry, fed the animals, and again, just relaxed. DD was excited today because she found sheep's sorrel, an edible wild plant that Asla had taught her about growing again. So she enjoyed about 7 or 8 of the small leaves lol. Highlight of the day had to be her curling up on me, falling asleep, as we watched a video together. It made my heart just melt.

After I put her to bed, I checked the bank balance and now I'm just waiting to see if I fall asleep tonight or not.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Ok, smack my hand, didn't post yesterday. Could have, but after the day I had at work, I just want to do what I had to do at home, take care of the kid, then put both her and me to bed. 

Long story short, my fibro flared up because I was working in my secondary job code (cashier) for the 3rd day in a row, and then the "yo-yo" starts where two different depts are fighting over who gets the chance to 'use' me...front and (cashiers) or home shop (personal shopper and my primary job code). In all of this, my Asst Dept Head is throwing a hussy fit worthy of a 4 yr old without a nap, and when I finally get into homeshop and I'm setting up orders to start shopping, storms in all upset and tossed one of my hand scanners and clipboards at me. Wth? 

So yeah, yesterday: Fed dogs, refilled water, fed cats, fed fish, straightened living room and kitchen, checked bank balance. Bed. Lol


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

For today, I decided to "spoil" my kid with momma and DD time, so we went and got a kit to put together. Well, she does all the work, Mom just gives verbal guidelines. We also got some plastic shrink things so she got to color them and I tossed them in the oven for her. Totally worth it since I got to hear all the facts she learned about the solar system and seeing her face as the plastic shrank in the oven.

The plastic shrink is something we will have to repeat again....she had a lot of fun doing it.

Today RCL:
Fed dogs, checked cats food, fed fish, no water needed for animals, checked bank balance, straightened living room and kitchen, ran dishwasher, started a load in washer.

Need community help... need to clean fish tank filters this weekend...but I will forget...putting it here so I can get some help remembering and to give myself some accountability.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Had a message all typed out last night and fell asleep halfway through posting...for shame on my cows...lol

Anyway, my favorite customer service manager came back yesterday to work and I sang near danced a jug around the store. This lady actually knows the meaning of teamwork. She ran out orders for me so I could focus on shopping them. It was amazing.

As far as RCL went, I fed the dogs/cats/fish, straighten the living room and kitchen, and got admonished because I had completely forgotten about projects.

So, as far as the garden goes, I need to sit down with DD and draw out a planting guide for where the seeds are gonna go. We have snow/winter weather forecast for the weekend again (I kid you not, even in freaking april), so if it stays away, we are put the door and planting this weekend.

On the heels of the that, if we can't plant, we are going to figure which circuit breaker runs which parts of the house so we can have an accurate idea. That way, when I proceed to the next step of replace old outlets and switches I don't wind up across the room looking like Doc Brown from Back to the Future. This project will also help me identify and fix the issue with the outlet in our bathroom that decided it didn't like Asla cutting his hair and quit working.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Aki, plan to clean fish tank filters this weekend.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Aki, plan to clean fish tank filters this weekend.


Thats my project for tomorrow too. The snail is acting funny. Not feeding alot and just staying in one spot in the top of the tank. I changed half water yesterday. But the tank looks cloudy and the maribo balls dont look bright green at all. So i am going to drain the tank clean it up. Order new plants and hopefully i can keep my daughter's betta alive. I never thought taking care of one fish would make so much work for me. Now i love the little guy and i am worried constantly about him. :frown2:

Akiaura, how are you doing?


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Aki, plan to clean fish tank filters this weekend.



OMG THANK YOU!!!!!

I KNEW I was going to forget this!!!! So for tonight, I've straightened the living room and kitchen, no laundry today, and fed the dogs outside. I've started feeding them outside because the weather has gotten warmer and they know to stay around our property.

I've spent the last 2 hours setting up and downloading Minecraft for the DD...I'm starting to think she has some Tigger in her because she hasn't stopped moving since last night when I told her she could finally start playing it on the computer.

For the filters, I've prepped the guest bathroom for the "exercise". That will give me enough room to clean both of them at the same time. I probably should run a load of towels just to make sure I have enough for tomorrow. And run the hose to the deck to make sure I have water to replace if I need it.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> Akiaura, how are you doing?


If there ever was a human yo-yo...I think I would qualify for it. Work has me going in about 8 different directions. They can't figure out if I'm a Cashier or a Personal Shopper. It's frustrating because I have to constantly check my schedule and even the people I work with can't depend on me.

As for projects, I'm doing the best I can...and it's rough. DD and I have mapped out about half the circuit breakers for the house...but we can't completely shut the house off entirely because we are working on a time schedule. Thankfully this week has been Spring Vacation, but next week it's back to school.

Saturday afternoon is all set for planting hopefully, if the weather holds. Still need to grab some sweet potatoes to cut up and toss into the ground for DD, but everything else is good to go. Sunday looks like a great day for finish the circuit breaker paths and work on outlet replacements.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> Thats my project for tomorrow too. The snail is acting funny. Not feeding alot and just staying in one spot in the top of the tank. I changed half water yesterday. But the tank looks cloudy and the maribo balls dont look bright green at all. So i am going to drain the tank clean it up. Order new plants and hopefully i can keep my daughter's betta alive. I never thought taking care of one fish would make so much work for me. Now i love the little guy and i am worried constantly about him. :frown2:
> 
> Akiaura, how are you doing?


how do you have the tank set up for the betta? i have bred thousands of them. one of the things i like about them is that they are fairly low maintenance. a bubble stone and a simple plant or some algae and they are usually pretty happy. the best kind of filters to use for them are sponge filters, or the old style corner air powered filters that i can hardly ever find these days. they dont do as well in betta bowls. every time the water gets changed, it causes the ph to swing, which is why i try to avoid water changes. cant avoid water changes in a betta bowl...

as for the marimo balls, they are a bit of an oddity so far as algae goes. they are actually a low light type of algae that grows well in calcium rich cold water. in aquariums, they typically start to go brown because they end up with diatoms colonizing their filaments. since they naturally grow in low light conditions and cold water, they dont grow very fast at all, maybe a centimeter a year. because they grow so slowly, its easy for other kinds of algae to quickly cover them up.

try this... try taking them out and putting them in a bottle of spring water and setting it on a shelf for a week or two. swirl it around a bit every day to tumble them. between the osmotic shock(which they are surprisingly resilient to) and the much lower light levels, any diatoms colonizing their filaments will die back. see if that helps. 

dont worry about killing them by putting them in a bottle of water. i carried several tiny marimo balls in a water bottle all over iraq with me for most of a year without issues. just go with spring water or mineral water as opposed to RO or distilled. 

what kind of snail do you have? if it just started staying near the top after the water change, its probably a result of a ph swing, which should balance itself out within a few days. right about the time that the water clears up.


ETA: just noticed that you are from new york. if you are anywhere near NYC, then your water is most likely soft and low in dissolved calcium. that would mean that water changes will drive ph down until it dissolves enough substrate to balance itself out, which will often cause the water to be cloudy for a while. and it would also irritate the snail. food for thought.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Akinaura said:


> If there ever was a human yo-yo...I think I would qualify for it. Work has me going in about 8 different directions. They can't figure out if I'm a Cashier or a Personal Shopper. It's frustrating because I have to constantly check my schedule and even the people I work with can't depend on me.
> 
> As for projects, I'm doing the best I can...and it's rough. DD and I have mapped out about half the circuit breakers for the house...but we can't completely shut the house off entirely because we are working on a time schedule. Thankfully this week has been Spring Vacation, but next week it's back to school.
> 
> Saturday afternoon is all set for planting hopefully, if the weather holds. Still need to grab some sweet potatoes to cut up and toss into the ground for DD, but everything else is good to go. Sunday looks like a great day for finish the circuit breaker paths and work on outlet replacements.


Girl, you are amazing. Mapping circuit breakers...electicity scars the crap out of me.
I always think i am going to get shocked.

You must be good at what you do,that's why every dept. Wants you. Hopefully you can decompress this weekend with gardening. My hubby is home next week, so we are going to clean up the backyard and plant some seedlings inside to get them ready.

Oh, you might want to limit the amount of time your dd spends playing mindcraft...

Enjoy and get some rest.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> Girl, you are amazing. Mapping circuit breakers...electicity scars the crap out of me.
> I always think i am going to get shocked.
> 
> You must be good at what you do,that's why every dept. Wants you. Hopefully you can decompress this weekend with gardening. My hubby is home next week, so we are going to clean up the backyard and plant some seedlings inside to get them ready.
> ...


Girl, electricity scared the crude out of me up until recently when Asla pushed me to learn about it. I used to joke and say it was all "black smoke, magic, and hamsters", lol. I love being outdoors, so I'm looking forward to the gardening.

As for the DD and computer time? Limited as it is. While we encourage her to follow where her interests go (and Minecraft has been one for the last 18 months), it has to be educational right now at least. So right now, if she will learn how to plan buildings and structures, she can play. But there is also a caveat to her playing. Low grades equals less time on the game.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So, I'm really glad I created two separate plans...a rainy day and good weather day plan. Cause it's been raining since I woke up.

Birthday party, check. Currently watching a coworker's son so she can work, check. RCL, check.

I've fed the dogs, fed the cats, cleaned the fish filters, straightened the living room/dining room/kitchen. Ran a load of laundry and the dishwasher.

I have a couple of days off later next week, so I'm probably gonna attack the 3 main rooms we operate in for a bit heavier clean.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Woke up and spent time today just relaxing with the DD, doing some quality time with her while we both calmed down from the week. Once the weather outside warmed up, project from yesterday got tackled too.

We now have asparagus, strawberries, two flavors of carrots, peas, and corn planted in the garden. I just have to finish trapping the roosters and we good about them harassing the garden area.

Next up is surveying a good area distance size wise for a good potatoes crop. Looking at 30x40 piece garden area. So that's my plan for tomorrow after work, at least selecting the area. Tuesday will be pushmowing it, and Wednesday getting the straw for it.

RCL:
Dogs fed, fish fed, cats food on food.
Straightened living room
Ran a load of clothes/towels
Put clothes in right rooms


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Akinaura, i need a nap after reading all the things you got accomplished this weekend. I feel like a wuss.:smile2:

All i did this weekend was to clean the house, do some laundry, cook and clean that darn fish tank.

My DD's betta fish...Hugo, has problems. He looks a bit off. The plants are dying for some reason and the only remaining snail is sitting near the waterline. I am dead meat if Hugo dies. I had to put him in a small bowl and medicate him.

I am so excited about your farming. I wish I had a farm and chickens. I want chickens. But i live in NYC and i think they are illegal.

I hope you are having fun. You sound like you have 5 clones. I hope the sun shines for you.
Blessed be.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> Akinaura, i need a nap after reading all the things you got accomplished this weekend. I feel like a wuss.:smile2:
> 
> All i did this weekend was to clean the house, do some laundry, cook and clean that darn fish tank.
> 
> ...


If it wasn't for @As'laDain some days I'd be a couch potato coloring and watching movies lol.

Today I just knocked out the rcl, my legs hurt too badly to do much else.

Straightened living room, fed animals, and moved wash to dry. Dinner was off paper plates, so it was easy clean up lol.

I still gotta figure out what's up with my legs. Last couple of days at work have been brutal. I'm okay if um doing my main job as Personal Shopper, but if I have to be Cashier, its downhill from there. By the time I get home, I can barely walk.

I'm gonna talk to the Pharmacist tomorrow about what I can be taking with my lithium carbonate cr to help mitigate some possible cramping from that.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

You probably need some new sneakers. And switch them up every day. But cashering is hardwork being on your feet so long.

I have this infared light thearpy thing...that works wonder. My right knee is killing me tonight..over did the bike today. So, i am sitting with my knee wrapped up. Old age.

Put your legs up and relax. Have a goodnight.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So no post yesterday...switched up my sneakers to another pair I own and still no good. I had a bout of erythema nodosom a few years back, so asla and I wondering if I'm about to have a recurrence of it. No full on red spots yet, but everything below the knee on both sides is tender.

As far as RCL goes, I've fed the animals, done the laundry, straightened up the house.

I'm adding watering the gardening nightly to that list as well. Need to make sure all the veggie seeds I planted grow. 

Now for my next two projects. They are all about finances. I have a tax liabilities left over from my business that could net us some decent cash. To that end, I need to pick up my paperwork tomorrow from my Mom's house and see about calling a tax attorney. The other financial issue is contacting the VA in regards to my disability. I have the potential to increase my rating, I just need to submit the paperwork and go through another evaluation. The good news is that it's been 10 years since I was initially rated so I can't be reduced to less than what I have now. While I'm submitting the increase paperwork, I also need to have them file back pay paperwork to correct the difference in payment from then to now.

So yeah, lots of work on Step 1, but worth it all in the end.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

just put all the pertinent documents in a safe place aki. have the person who took care of taxes last year do them this year. im sure she would be happy to do so. 

anyway, the amount of money Akinaura stands to gain from completing those two actions she mentioned is in the six figure range. she has been putting it off for over a year, which is why i wanted her to put it on this thread. when she finishes it, it will be able to reverse some financial setbacks we have suffered over the years... so help me hold her to it! 

aki, you are doing good girl. im proud of you. keep it up!


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So it's been decided. My "reward" for all my hard work is the chance to face my very last fear: skydiving.

I've spoken often to Asla over the years about this, but it was always with an eye on 'You will never catch me doing this because I'm absolutely terrified'. But I've done a pot of work on myself in the last couple of years and definitely in the last year. So I definitely think it's time I face this. I've gone from being agoraphobic to being able to conquer my last fear. Not bad for improvement lol.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Grabbed the business paperwork this morning, its sitting in a manilla envelope on the counter. I'll be able to contact the tax woman tomorrow before work and possibly see her, since I don't start til early afternoon tomorrow for work.

In regards to the va paperwork, I have it printed out, if I have time, I'll fill in the last remaining boxes at work tomorrow, if not, I'll finish it tomorrow night.

For the RCL: Fed the animals, watered the garden, straightened the house, and moved wash to dry.

In good news, DD and I managed to catch the roosters!! No more terrorizing of our garden!! *dances*

This weekend kitty litter, fish tank refills, and feed for the roosters is on tap. Nothing too big, I kinda just want to relax and enjoy the warm weather outside.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Didn't get a chance at work to fill out paperwork, too busy finally being able to do the job assigned to me. Did get some pretty sweet revenge against a pair of new managers who seem to think my job is just an addon to a normal cashier job. We aren't cashiers bu any stretch of the imagination and once our job is done, we bounce...so we have the extra hours available when we need them at heavier times.

Knocked out the rcl fairly quickly when I got home: fed animals, straightened what little I hadn't done before work, and watered the garden.

In financial news, found out tonight we are going to be able to move my sis in law off our insurance and drop her phone from our plan, so that will cut down our monthly bills quite nicely. Every bit helps.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Aki, prioritize your paperwork for early in the week.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Aki, prioritize your paperwork for early in the week.


Thank you so much for this reminder....you seem to be able to hone in on things that tend to dwarf my ability to set steps through.

Thank you!!


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Omg, SOO needed this past weekend! Took time away from everything; projects, the house, all drama, just so I could get a much needed breather.

Was able to finally get my sis in law off our phone contract, I have possession of our 3rd vehicle again, and she is off our insurance policy. No more times or affiliation in that respect. But shes doing good on her own, so shes not in the same place my other in laws are at in my book.

I'm working on the va paperwork and should have that finished by Wednesday since that day I go in later than usual to work (I'm working every day this week).

For the rcl: fed roosters, fed fish/cats/dogs, no need to water garden (good rainstorm yesterday), straightened, and one of laundry done.

Whew! What a week already!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Sounds like you got alot accomplished. Good job.🤗


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

@Akinaura, how is the paperwork coming along?


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> @Akinaura, how is the paperwork coming along?


I'm knee deep in it, rofl. I'm about halfway through it.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Work was super super stressful today. We had 4 corporate guys show up, one of them was the Express Lane Specialist, who was there to figure out what the issues were with my job (not me specifically).

Long story short: nothing got fixed and I reached my breaking point. I'm working to see if I can do a transfer to another store and switch from a part time position to a full time position. Dont treat me like crud and then expect me to be pleasant to you, it just doesn't work that way.

Headed off to do the RCL now.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

note to self: an angry aki can be a scary thing.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So my sister in law (kinda, shes been dating my brother for a year), is ha ing a family emergency. Her Dad is in the active stages of dying. So, the family is rallying around her, my brother, and their kids (all 5 of them).

So that means I have no idea what my weekend will hold. I will update once I know more. Right now, I'm just relaxing at my Mom's while my DD runs around with her cousins and we wait for updates.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So it's been a few days since I was able to post, but I've been on "circle the wagon" watch since the 20th. That's when my sis-in-law's health really starting going downhill. He was scheduled for a swallow test that was going to be a pass/fail on whether to continue life giving treatment or not. He did not pass. So all tubes were removed, and painkillers were administered to just make things easier on him. By 0345 on Sunday morning, he passed peacefully. Monday and Tuesday were spent doing the wake and funeral. I spent my time doing what I've become very good at this last year, and that's being backup support. I helped with the kids and I helped my mother so things weren't so chaotic. 

I was still maintaining the RCL as best I could with all this going on, but things did slide. So now that everything is over, it's back to the daily RCL as it supposed to be.

Today I straightened the living room, made dinner, fed the dogs, roosters (heavy rain washed out their feed), fed the cats, and ran a load of laundry. DD and I spent about 20 minutes taking care of the garden since we had a spell of good weather when we got home. She gets super excited to see all the plants starting to grow and stick up out the ground now. But it's my job to get rid of the bad bugs and the hard to pull weeds.

I think this weekend we will go wild onion hunting, get some good bulbs to use for flavor.

As far as paperwork goes, the VA paperwork is done. It needs to get dropped off in the mail. I'll take care of that tomorrow on my way into work. The other paper is nearly finished getting sorted for the attorney, so when I know my next day off, I'll call her and see if I can't make an appointment over there.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Seems like you guys had a lot going on. Sorry about the lost of the SIL's father. 

I hope your DD is doing well and enjoying the spring. School is almost out over here, what's the plan for the summer.

Glad you got thru the paperwork. You have been busy. 

My sad news is my DD's betta fish died. I woke up and it was laying in the bottom of the tank. I am so sad and she is not talking to me. I feel bad. I had also had gotten some really nice new plants for the tank, now the tank is empty and I keep expecting to see him when I walk up. Poor Hugo. Who knew you could love a fish?

Enjoy your weekend.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Plans for summer? Um? *digs around* Dunno yet, lol Definitely taking time for vacation, and DD wants to swim, but beyond that, I haven't figured anything out. School here ends in 5 weeks, so DD will be done with that quite soon too.

I'm sad Hugo died, it could have been a number of things. Maybe now would a good time to just let the tank run while Hugo is mourned and a soon a new one could take its place.

For RCL, fed fish/dogs, checked roosters and cats food (both good to go)
Straightened living room, dining room, kitchen.
Showed off garden to Asla, need to weed it tmw again.

Need to pull money out of acct for family fun day.

Oh, and car gets fixed next month. The catalytic converter went out on it. Thankfully, my Dad either knows most of the shops around town or services most of the shops around town, so I get a decent price of services...so it won't cost us an arm and a leg


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So, got the car checked out, it will cost us $500 to get the car taken care of. That's the cost of the part plus labor. Can't beat it...the part alone from a parta store was going to cost me right around $500. I've got the repair scheduled for a little bit later.

Pulled out the money for the family fun day. That is safely tucked away until after the zoo trip next month that my DD and her school are taking and I am chaperoning. I figure it gives her and I enough time to plan out something exciting enough for both of us.

Fed the chickens, dogs, and fish. Cats are good to go. Straightened the living room and dining room. The kitchen is a wash tonight, having too much baking with the DD. What isn't cleaned as we go will be taken care of tomorrow.

Weekend plans:
-Weed thr garden. Crab grass is trying to get a foothold so we will be tackling that.
-Weedwhack. Need to cut what I can before the mower gets here.
-Might set the pom pom grass abalze... just have to make sure the hoses reach.
-Check the beehive from last year. It's nearly swarm time and I'd like to try for a hive this year. So need to check the hive box and figure out the status of the remaining honey cells.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

the remaining slats are all melted. you are going to want to move the whole thing up under the carport. there are plenty of rotting logs in the area behind the pond with all kinds of beneficial mushroom species growing in them, so if you manage to catch another swarm, the property should have no problem sustaining it. if you want to give the bees an extra helping hand, take the axe(or whatever appropriate tool) and score the bark in a few places down in the area where the pond drain dumps out into the creek. also, the roots of the same tree the main colony is in, give them a whack or two with the axe. dont cut all the way through them, just enough to get the sap flowing.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

ok... so... I just read this whole thread. 

And a few things stood out. Aki - birds of a feather, girl. I definitely feel like you and I share a few chapters in our life books. From what you've posted here, I've lived a very similar kind of wifehood as you have in sooo many ways. 

You've said you are struggling with some health issues, and trying to set good patterns. Awesome. That's great. 

As someone who has done the he's-always-gone-and-sometimes-in-danger thing.... I want to say you are doing AMAZING. But, girl, you are taking on way too much. WAY too much. I've been there. Pull back. Simplify. When you mention having a hard time keeping up with things, it's not because you aren't capable, or haven't set good patterns yet, it's because you have too many widespread responsibilities. You are taking on an overwhelming amount. 

As'laDain... I have a few thoughts for you. First. Next time, organize your own d*mn gear. And when she volunteers, suggest that she does something for *herself* instead. She is already caring for your child, your home, your yard, vehicles, your pets, working two jobs, dealing with her own family responsibilities, trying to be a good wife, handling her heath, looking after gardens, and bees..... etc. 

And speaking of pets. Out of your own pocket money, hire someone to care for your fish while you're away, or hire your wife to do it for you. (Instead of that second job) Maintain your own hobbies, or figure out how to maintain them without using your wife as free labor. And while you're at it, hire a maid service to come in and deep clean once a month while you're away to take some of the workload off your wife.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

@Saige, 

you seem to be projecting.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

As'laDain said:


> @Saige,
> 
> you seem to be projecting.


Ha. No.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Saige said:


> ok... so... I just read this whole thread.
> 
> And a few things stood out. Aki - birds of a feather, girl. I definitely feel like you and I share a few chapters in our life books. From what you've posted here, I've lived a very similar kind of wifehood as you have in sooo many ways.
> 
> ...


Did you even read my thread? Gear issue talked about pages back. I'm not "free labor", I'm his wife...his helpmate.

Quit projecting. I'm being polite. Dont go after my husband again or I won't be so nice the second time round.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

@Akinaura, go pull the money out in cash for fun day, put it in an envelope or something, just set it aside. if you dont do it this weekend, im afraid that you will forget until you eventually spend it elsewhere, again. as i said a week ago, that money is to be spent on you and DD to have fun. i already added more to cover food and gas for the two of you. if you go over that amount, let me know and ill cover the difference.

so, for everyone here, i am trying to do something for akinaura that i have tried to do a few times before when i am deployed, but has never worked out before. i sent her money specifically for her to go have fun with. in the past(and also last week) she will forget to pull the money out until it is all spent elsewhere on various things. 

so, im asking yall here to help remind her to pull the money out and set it aside. that was the family fun day money she was supposed to pull out last week. if she does not pull it out soon, im sure the same thing will happen that always happens: life will happen, she will forget, and then the money will be gone and she wont be able to go have fun.

the idea this time is to have a competition with DD, to see who can have the most fun. they have to spend all of the money in one day, anything left over gets put into a jar. at the end of the day, they will make a video of both of them pleading their case for who had more fun. i will pick a winner and the winner will get a prize. 

akinaura is an interesting girl... she will easily spend a lot of money without realizing how much she spent, but it is always on stuff that ultimately ends up in the trash can. this year, so far, she has spent more money on things that she remembers that are either happy memories or she is proud of, but she still has a hard time spending money when i tell her to spend it on herself. she spent some money on the garden and enjoyed setting it up with DD, and spent money on the gear room to and is proud of how she set it up, but i havent been able to get her to spend money on just enjoying herself, making good memories. 

so i came up with the little family fun competition as a way to get akinaura to go spend some money having FUN. im posting about it here so that people can comment on it, the hope being that she pulls the money out, plans out a fun day with DD, and makes some good memories.


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## Saige (Oct 23, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> Did you even read my thread? Gear issue talked about pages back. I'm not "free labor", I'm his wife...his helpmate.
> 
> Quit projecting. I'm being polite. Don't go after my husband again or I won't be so nice the second time round.


Nope, still not projecting. And I *did* read it. 

Just someone that understands nuances of deployment time, and schools, and the transitions, and juggling, and hand offs and lifestyle.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Saige said:


> ok... so... I just read this whole thread.
> 
> And a few things stood out. Aki - birds of a feather, girl. I definitely feel like you and I share a few chapters in our life books. From what you've posted here, I've lived a very similar kind of wifehood as you have in sooo many ways.
> 
> ...





Saige said:


> Nope, still not projecting. And I *did* read it.
> 
> Just someone that understands nuances of deployment time, and schools, and the transitions, and juggling, and hand offs and lifestyle.



to give you some more information as to what is going on, i did not ask her to organize my gear. she decided to do that for her own reasons: one, because every time i organize my gear, it gets moved when i am TDY or deployed. inevitably, something comes up, or she wants to re-organize the house, and my gear gets moved from whatever room or closet it is in to another. she wanted to organize it and set up a room for it so that it is easier for both of us. basically, create a place for it and leave it as a dedicated space. i asked her how she wants to do it and made sure that she had enough money to do as she pleased. she likes how it is set up now, and i am proud of her for sticking with the project and accomplishing something she wanted to do.

as for the fish, i set up the tanks so that she doesnt have to do anything with them if she does not want to. even if she doesnt feel like topping them off with water every once in a while, most of the fish will survive. i have gone on several deployments and come home to find the tanks with a few inches of water left in them and most of my fish still alive. not pretty, but i dont care about pretty. she DOES care about how they look, so she tends to them. i was going to leave the filters free of filter media so she wouldnt have to clean them, but she prefers a clean looking tank, so she cleans them from time to time. if she wanted to do absolutely nothing with the tanks, it wouldn't bother me. i view it as a test of how i set the tanks up. if i did it right, then they will survive. if i did not, then i will be able to figure out what failed and will come up with something else. setting up self sustaining ecosystems in aquariums has always been a passion of mine. deployments are a good way to test them out.

the garden is something that she and DD have wanted to do for a while, but were never able to keep up with. so i looked up the most efficient ways to keep gardens and suggested the method she is currently using. unfortunately, we did not prep the garden soon enough to completely avoid weeds, but it is still going a lot better for her and DD than any attempts they have made so far. if it becomes too much work for her, ill figure out what went wrong and try again when i get home.

as for the bees, she isnt taking care of any right now. last year, we found a swarm on our property that had lost its queen. she fell in love with them, so we scrambled to find a bee hive and i decided to learn as much as i could about bee keeping so that i could find a way to make it easier for her to take care of bees. i love seeing her enjoy her hobbies, but i know she is forgetful, so i learned as many different ways as i could to set things up so that a colony of bees could survive a little neglect. she was quite excited about that swarm of bees last year, but we were not prepared well enough to keep them alive. so we are trying to learn from our mistakes so that she can try again this year and be successful.

i asked akinaura to start this thread as a way to help her accomplish the things she wants to do. she gets quite excited about projects she wants to accomplish, but often gets distracted or forgets to follow through. she then starts feeling like a failure and ends up depressed. she has twice been hospitalized for psychological issues while i was deployed, both times resulting in a red cross message. both of those cases were proceeded by periods where she neglected pets until they died and spends all of our savings and deployment money on stuff that she cant even remember. this time, she forgot to take care of the chickens during an exceptionally hard freeze and they died. she also spent all of our savings in the first month, so i changed our finances a bit. i am not going to suggest she stop keeping animals. i am going to keep working with her to try new things and learn new ways that can help her be successful in leading the life she WANTS to live. that is what this thread is all about, and to that end, she has not spiraled down this time. i believe the rest of the accomplishments that she has made, in large part as a result of this thread, have kept her from depression and kept her out of the hospital. i am anything but oblivious to that fact. she is doing fantastic and i couldn't be more proud of her.

in the event that i should die, i want her to _know_ that she can manage her life without me. i love her to death, i am proud of her, and i will never give up on her. i am not going to hire a maid service for her because she suffers from agoraphobia and absolutely does not want someone invading HER safe space. she already knows that i have absolutely no problem with her paying someone to help her clean the house or take care of the yard if she finds someone she trusts. 


your first post on this thread misses its purpose and dismisses everything i have been trying to do for her. i do not think of her as free labor. she is my wife, i love her, and i will do whatever i can to help her.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Asla'Dain, got it. 

Aki, i can't belief you have bees. Girl, you are Martha. I want bees. In Brooklyn, they have a community of rooftop beekeepers. If you give them access they will set up a hive for you and even help maintain it. I so would like that but the hubby said no. Noone on the roof. When we move to Florida, i am getting a few.

I am weird that i dont mind pulling crabgrass. Put on some good music and it becomes a meditation.😂 My grandmother though i was mad.

So when are you planning on this fun day?

And remember to withdraw the funds.🤗

Have fun this weekend.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Aki's second paragraph states she has already pulled out the money for the family fun day. It is safely tucked away. She's on this. You go girl!

Aki, my husband was the same way with money - it was as though his pockets had holes.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Saige didn't mean any harm. She was offering support without knowing the nuances of the situation.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Aki's second paragraph states she has already pulled out the money for the family fun day. It is safely tucked away. She's on this. You go girl!
> 
> Aki, my husband was the same way with money - it was as though his pockets had holes.


she didn't though. she lied about that because she didn't want to disappoint me. she knew how much was in her account when i talked to her, so i know she was checking it at least. she used to do that a lot, hoping that she could "fix it" before i found out. its an old habit she needs to break because it doesn't end well. it causes her to feel even more guilty and more anxiety, which leads to her becoming depressed and anxious, unable to relax and more likely to fall into alcohol abuse. she did something else that i am not going to hold against her nor mention here. ill know when she pulls the cash out. at this time, she has not yet pulled it out.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

she just pulled the money out. she must have been doing that as i was typing my last post.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> Asla'Dain, got it.
> 
> Aki, i can't belief you have bees. Girl, you are Martha. I want bees. In Brooklyn, they have a community of rooftop beekeepers. If you give them access they will set up a hive for you and even help maintain it. I so would like that but the hubby said no. Noone on the roof. When we move to Florida, i am getting a few.
> 
> ...


Lol, no Martha here...I can't do the sweet Southern genteel voice to save my life! I dont mind pulling weeds either, especially since it isn't the entire garden, but only small sections.

The date is up in the air for the fun day, but the plans are set: zip-lining tour followed by a fun park that has arcades, gokarts, batting cages, and laser tag. Probably end with a movie if a kid friendly one is out.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Saige didn't mean any harm. She was offering support without knowing the nuances of the situation.


she was also offering judgement of me. it looked like projection to me because she seemed to miss so much, but of course, that was just a guess. i don't hold it against her.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So today I woke up with a migraine again.

Took some meds for it, laid down for a little bit, then got up and went over to my mom's house to help her with yard work. While there j cleaned out the back of her pickup truck full of mulch, helped her set up fencing across her yard. And do half of a walk way.

Asla and I talked later and we realised I don't stress about doing things...maybe its because I'm only using told to do things that are already planned...or there's an issue of guilt...its something we are going to have to figure out to see if we have use it to our advantage.

Beyond that, when I got home, my migraine had come back again and im hoping sleep will knock the headaches out of the way.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Akinaura, hope you are feeling better and you had agood weekend.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Hey Aki, how are you? Hope you had a chance to rest this weekend. 

How is the garden coming along?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Akinaura said:


> Lol, no Martha here...I can't do the sweet Southern genteel voice to save my life! I dont mind pulling weeds either, especially since it isn't the entire garden, but only small sections.
> 
> The date is up in the air for the fun day, but the plans are set: zip-lining tour followed by a fun park that has arcades, gokarts, batting cages, and laser tag. Probably end with a movie if a kid friendly one is out.


Your fun day sounds like a blast. I envy your youth - that much fun in one day would do me in.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

2 days, no posts, I ought to be whipped! Things have been hectic, especially since Asla is currently out of communication reach. So I'm a bit more stressed than usual.

Now that I've had my period of freaking out, it's time to get my big girl panties on. Last night DD and I knocked out the straightening of the house and animals. Today we are gonna get the laundry back in order.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Oh Joy!!! Laundry!!!!

Good to hear you are well. Have fun folding.:laugh:


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So for today:

Fed dogs, cats, fish

Fish need a tank top off Sunday (please help to remind me! I've already set a reminder for myself!)

Straightened living room, dining room, kitchen. Ran 3 loads of laundry.

In other news, I got a mysterious phone call today. I was to run over from the grocery store location I work at to one of the companies other locations. When I got there, a full time job was being offered and they wanted to make sure my name got on the list. They were also willing to work with my availability being a military spouse. So, we will see how things go.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Akinaura said:


> So for today:
> 
> Fed dogs, cats, fish
> 
> ...


Normally, when my aquariums would need a water change, the water level had dropped enough that the water pouring from the filters would make quite a bit of noise. Doesn't that remind you? Or does it become background noise?

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

farsidejunky said:


> Normally, when my aquariums would need a water change, the water level had dropped enough that the water pouring from the filters would make quite a bit of noise. Doesn't that remind you? Or does it become background noise?
> 
> Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


It really does become almost background noise to me. With my mental health condition, I have a ton of thoughts that race around my head a lot of times. So a lot of things get missed because I'm so wrapped up trying to control what's going on inside my head. Its another one of the reasons Asla started this thread. It was an external thing for me to focus on, not internal.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

DD got sent home early from school today with a fever. She wasnt feeling too good this morning, but wasnt running a fever so I told her to go on to school and if she felt worse to tell teacher. School policy (thanks to a bad flu season) is kids must stay home 24 hrs after that. Guess she's breaking out the Clorox and Lysol tomorrow? Lol

Fed the dogs, watered the garden, fed the roosters. I didn't do really anything else, just cuddled the sick kid...I dont get to do it very often anymore.

Tomorrow's plan is deep clean my room and the living room (two places she usually at) just to make sure no more germs are hanging around.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Well you guys enjoy the sick day. Watch a nice movie and get some naps. Hope she feels better soon.


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## FrenchFry (Oct 10, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> Fish need a tank top off Sunday (please help to remind me! I've already set a reminder for myself!)


Do things like phone alarms help? Like, on the weekends when I have deadlines, I set 5-6 alarms on my phone, set to my ringer so I have to look at it.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

FrenchFry said:


> Do things like phone alarms help? Like, on the weekends when I have deadlines, I set 5-6 alarms on my phone, set to my ringer so I have to look at it.


I've set one as an appointment on my phone because those have a totally different ringer than anything else I have. Maybe I should look through the music app on my phone and see if they have reminder alerts I can use. I bet those would be helpful too.

Thanks for the idea!!


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Surprised Asla with the tax money in the acct...that made my day...*snicker snicker*

Weekend plans:

Saturday is set aside to help watch nieces and nephews so the other part of what happened the other week can get finished (this time clean out the house). I'm not worried about watching 6 kids. Warm weather, water guns/water balloons, and a sprinkler will keep them outside most of the day lol. My main worries will be food and the baby.

Sunday I have to prep for a zoo trip on Thursday of next week, grocery shopping, fill the fish tanks, and laundry for the week. That's it. So really, nothing much this week.

A big thing coming up is on Monday. I need to call the nearest college VA liason and set up an appt to talk to them about enrolling for the fall sememser. I'm just worried about BAH, tuition being paid on time, and book cost. But everytime I think about college, it makes my agoraphobia skyrocket...like anxiety levels through the roof. Asla understands it, but still wants to push me to complete this because if not, it's a lost opportunity and I see where he is coming from. The US government is paying for 36 of college for me...I better not waste that...

Any who, can you guys help me come up with questions for this guy/gal? When my anxiety spikes, my critical thinking shuts down.. I'm gonna have a list of mine up Sunday...but there could be come i miss or dont even think about.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So the 6 kids wasnt til bad. 2 were in trouble required to write lines. One of them thought she could get away with quickly writerly only one word of the sentence down per line (several lines in a row) then repeating. Somehow Me as the Aunt is supposed to overlook this and let her get away with doing it the easy way. Um...no kid, not happening, lol. Give em time...they will figure out right about the time they have kids that adults know every play, every lie, every fib a kid has told...until then its kind da fun to catch them in the act and try to think of ways out of the trap.

Other than that, DD I were able to splurge a little with tax money on some coloring stuff to keep making memories. She seems stuck right now are making one of my Stitches sparkling with glitter but if Asla let's that happen, I swear hes buying me two more in its place! No one touches my Stitch studies!

I had also promised to pull out cash today to cover the $120 in fun day money I took out to cover my part of the expenses for my Dad getting to go see the Coca-Cola 4pp in Florida this year, all expenses paid. Asla said I could repull the money out to cover it plus some and I didn't. So that's on the list for tomorrow.

Cleaning the house and the fish tanks are on priority list for tomorrow. I'm hoping by the afternoon, weather permitting, I can get the mower over here to mow before and after work.

Other that, the dogs are fed, the cats are good, and the child worn the slap out. I didn't straighten or do anything else on the rcl tonight, it was 9 when we walked in and we are clean cleaning certain areas tomorrows. 

Oh!! And I have to have my list of questions ready for tomorrow for the liason!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Hi @Akinaura, remember to top off fish tank today. Have a great Sunday.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

That two days have been crazy. Sunday night I found my best friend,' twin son is in the er throwing up blood. Hes also the same teinthat was born with plastic left heart syndrome. So off I go to rearrange everything so I can her shift at work at 7am the next day. That always a hard shift for me to cover because I can't both be at work at get DD to school at the same time. So I medicate myself and fall asleep.

Then yesterday, I get home, and I am just exhausted. So I do what I need to do, knock out the rcl..and crash.

But you know what I forget? This [email protected] thread!! If you dont see me post even one day, get on my tail about it! I want to get better, but I need help.

I did pull out the money Sunday for the Family fun day, a d also got the chance to splurge a little with DD. We were both excited with what we got. Now were are looking forward to Thursday to see a TON of animals!!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

What about the fish tank, @Akinaura?


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

@brooklynAnn Both fish tanks got refilled Sunday afternoon when it got too hot for us to be doing much anything else. It gave DD a chance to play in theater outside lol. Sorry I thought I had mentioned that in the first posting.

Today was an odd day at work as we are still coming to terms with a team member (my best friend), no longer able to cover the earliest time slot of 7am. I kinda proved to people that if I'm left alone, I can handle most things on my own, lol.

Got home early so I knocked out feeding roosters (evil things like to attack you when you feed them), the dogs, and the cats. Straightened up the house, and ran a load of cloths in prep for the zoo trip tomorrow.

Speaking of zoo trip, I'm so excited!! It's my very first time chaperoning a school trip!


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Well, I hope you had fun with the school trip. Nothing like watching a bunch of kids who all wants to do their own thing. 

Hope your co-worker will be ok. 

Glad to know you are holding up well.:smthumbup:


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

im back. my trip down south to dusty sandy land was interesting. i lost a tooth, almost accidentally bought a camel, and ended up with a nasty case of the ****s. lol, life is good. 


and aki has not melted down. life is awesome.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

I want to hear about Aki's experience of herding the cats (er, kids) at the zoo. 

As'la, be sure to get that tooth taken care of. An implant in the civilian world would cost you a pretty penny. A camel? (snicker, snicker).


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Next time buy the camel and cook up some of this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pastirma

I've had the camel meat pastirma sandwich. Good stuff.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> I want to hear about Aki's experience of herding the cats (er, kids) at the zoo.
> 
> As'la, be sure to get that tooth taken care of. An implant in the civilian world would cost you a pretty penny. A camel? (snicker, snicker).


i should have been more clear...

i actually lost a crown and some of the underlying tooth beneath it. so, it SHOULD be a simple fix for the dentist. build up, then temporary crown, then wait for the new crown to come in. i might not be able to get that done until after this deployment though. 

as for the camel, yea... a single word can make a whole lot of difference when translating. lol

it would have been about 280 bucks. i was kinda surprised at how cheap they are.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Aki, I'm getting on your tail about not posting.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Sorries!!

Since the zoo, I think my brain, my schedule, and my ability to stay awake have been severely compromised lol.

So, first off the zoo trip. It was an awesome day. I spent it with my DD and my nephew. Both have ADHD, so the teachers figured I could handle them. We spent the morning walking through Africa, ate lunch, I signed them out of the school's responsibility afterwards, and surprised them both with a few more hours in the zoo walking through North America. They had a blast. Both got to go home with brand new stuffed animal friends of which they are currently inseperable from.

The next day was a normal work day and a slight recovery day for me before it was off to the races on Saturday for the "Family Fun Day" as my DD has been calling it.

Our zipline tour was scheduled for 10am and she was terrified. But she met each challenge with bravery and courage. For the first little bit, Momma had to go first, but it worked good because it got my adrenaline going and I'm a natural thrill seeker. About halfway through DD was so light she got stopped about 10 ft from the end, but she immediately went into a self rescue technique flawlessly and pulled herself to safety. By the end of it, my little fighter was begging to be the first down the last zipline so they let her go first. I was SOO proud of her at that moment to over come her fears like that. She told her Dad that there really wasnt any arguing allowed, we HAD to go back when he got home lol.

After that, we stopped at Wendy's for lunch, before making our way to an Arcade/GoKart/Mini Golf place where she and I got to play to our hearts content. I think we stayed there for like 4 hours, lol. We did bumper cars, the go karts (they let her drive because she just about was the right height), laser tag, and TONS of arcade games. She walked out with I think 7 different toys she had won that all cost like 400-500 tickets each.

As for the house, we've spent little time it ou tr side of maintaining it. Our state has been dealing with near record heat temps and our AC doesnt want to work right, so we've found other ways to keep cool (like bunking at my Mom's place).

Nothing else too exciting is planned, so I should be back to regular posting...well, unless a random camel shows up...


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"a random camel" - too funny!

Your daughter is one lucky little girl to have you and As'la for parents.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Whew, whirlwind day!!

Psych appt today, no change really in meds, a bump up in migraine meds though.

Fed the dogs and chickens before the rains hits, the cats were fine on food. House took like 10 mins to straighten tonight.

I got appropriately chastised for forgetting about college. To rectify this, I will be calling the VA liason tomorrow morning before 10am and updating this thread to reflect the appointment time.

I also need to start pulling back from my FOO...they have started pulling me into more of their drama and it's starting to affect a lot of what me and Asla want to do. It means that my boundaries with them are slipping and I need to reinforce them again. It's to the point that I have not made a single bit of progress towards the goals since they have become involved again. 

I need to print out the adoption paperwork and guidelines to start a notebook solely for the adoption process. This will be done Thursday night (tomorrow night). I will take pictures and send them to Asla for verification that it is done. Friday I will post an abbreviated checklist of all the things I need to do in order to complete the whole process. The full checklist I will send to Asla via an encrypted app Friday night.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

After two phone calls, one being a conference call to the Admissions Dept, my appt with the VA Coordinator of the local college will be next Wednesday at 9am.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Akinaura said:


> After two phone calls, one being a conference call to the Admissions Dept, my appt with the VA Coordinator of the local college will be next Wednesday at 9am.


:smthumbup::smthumbup:

good deal aki!


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

aki, because i know you need it now...

nuar eid'te vdrouk, ga kaneid'te dama, ga doneid'te dano.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Okay,
Time to come clean. I have been hiding, lying, not telling the truth about what I'm actually doing because I'm terrified of being found out as a failure. 

This has been really in regards to the fish tanks. I haven't kept up with the feedings at all, it's been over a month since the last fill up on the tanks, and now one of the tanks has no fish and LOTS of algae. I hid this from Asla...and it cause a HUGE argument between him and I. Not because he was looking forwards to the fish...but because I hid the info from him and lied about it. If i had been honest about it, he could have helped me put things in place to do better...or helped me set the tank up to have less maintenance required on my part. But by hiding it from him, lying to him, I falsely got his hopes up for when he was to come home from deployment.

A lot of times this happens because I'm terrified that if he sees me make a mistake and I don't have time to correct it, it's going to becomes something he can yell at me for, something he can leave me over. But with my thinking, if I can fix it before I have to provide proof, then I'll be okay and we'll still be together. I think it goes as far back as my FOO...every other kid in my family (there were 7 of us total) was screwing up constantly. If I wanted to stay out of range of a raging mother or father, I learned to quietly bluff my way out of a situation until I could fix the problem because I did't want to get caught by either one of the yelling parents.

All of this has a negative impact on Asla. His level of trust in me plummets. He looses the ability to tell over the phone if I am telling the truth or not because he has no proof...he cannot see, he is not physically here. When he catches me in a lie, he is hurt that I have hid something and lied to cover it up. All the of these behaviors start ticking off a checklist in Asla's head of worrying behaviors that could send me right back into a psychiatric unit. He cares for me more than I give him credit for a lot of days, and the worrying about whether or not I'm doing what I say I'm doing. The lying is a red flag behavior that makes Asla worry over the possibility for something a LOT more major happening later on down the road. Our dynamic is a little shaky at the moment. I have seriously screwed up by hiding things and lying about them. It's going to take me being honest and not hiding for Asla to be able to trust what I say.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Having kept a reasonably decent consumer grade 40 gallon tank for a couple years, I'd rather have a pair of nervous Chihuahua dogs, a daschund or two, and a Rottweiler.

Is there any good reason for the aquatic and other wildlife?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

@Akinaura, i wouldn't exactly call that a huge argument... yes, i was getting pretty irritated with you while you were trying to keep up the lie, but that didn't last very long at all... 

i dont care so much about the fish. or the chickens. i care about the honesty. you just came clean to the good people of TAM, so think about it this way... what do you have to worry about? what is left to hide? all in all you have done pretty good. now that we have all this out in the open, stop hiding. 

now, if you want to do something cool with the fish tank, having all the fish gone presents an opportunity... we have never grown T. cancriformis, especially in such a large tank. it would take you about 20 minutes to set the tank up for them, and it would make a perfect set and forget tank. with a whole bunch of neat little critters. plus, i bet DD would love to be able to compare her new T. cancrifomis tank with the larger one and see how they differ in their progression. the best part is, you cannot fail. just set it up and you will learn something and create a cool tank in the process. i know you are feeling guilty for letting the tank fail, so i want you to think about how i am seeing it...

its a perfect opportunity for me to practice my craft. if you wipe the tank and add the triops, it will be perfectly primed for me to set it up with a full ecosystem when i get back. the season will be perfect for me to go collect several pounds of the local oligocheate worms i discovered from our pond, i already know where to collect tons of that odd amphipod i found in some of the local seasonal creeks, as well as the pisidium clams from the vernal pools in the forests nearby. while i have been deployed, i have also been growing a lot of those ostracods i isolated several years ago. there are LOTS of eggs waiting to be dried out and added when i get back. add in a few other useful species and a decent algae driven reservoir for primary consumers and i can make a tank that will support a small breeding population of heterandria formosa that will likely last for quite a few years while being mostly sealed. ill cut some glass for the top to reduce evaporation, make some magnetic scrubbers so that i can clean the glass off when i get back(or you can if you want to watch them) and we can set up a pretty unique tank that requires absolutely zero input. i think that would be absolutely awesome, i know DD would love watching how it progresses, and you dont have to worry about "messing it up". 

i also know you aren't just feeling guilty. you were really excited about those guppies too, because you were going to be one of the first people in the world to see that particular genetic variant. you even picked the fish, you just left the genetics to me. you dreamed about being able to introduce the new line to the world. well, lets keep dreaming. lets shelve the guppies for now and shift focus to a unique tank. you will be one of the few people to see a self sustaining tank that is genuinely capable of supporting vertebrates. the last time i did something like this, the tank ran for several years without ever being fed, until i eventually tore it down and moved the fish. that was about 15 years ago. i have learned a lot of stuff since then, and i have been wanting to put it all together for a while anyway. 

dont ever think of yourself as a failure. don't ever believe that i think you have failed me. any time something doesn't work, i adjust fire. lets just focus on where we are at and we will get back to the other stuff later. im never going to stop you from keeping animals. if something doesn't work now, i will keep trying new things until we find something that works. part of the reason i wanted you to start this thread was because i figured you would eventually have to confront your fears, which i have known for a long time to be the greatest thing that hinders you. and confront that fear you just did. 

like everything else, the fear is almost always greater than the fact.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

john117 said:


> Having kept a reasonably decent consumer grade 40 gallon tank for a couple years, I'd rather have a pair of nervous Chihuahua dogs, a daschund or two, and a Rottweiler.
> 
> Is there any good reason for the aquatic and other wildlife?


hobbies, mostly. 

what is a "consumer grade" tank? i have set tanks up that range from extremely simple and high maintenance to extremely complex and zero maintenance. is a consumer grade tank your standard goldfish, gravel, and hang on back filter?


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Consumer grade - anything you make out of standard PetSmart components. To get results like you see at doctor waiting room tanks was nowhere as easy.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

most of those kinds of tanks i have seen were put together entirely out of stuff you can get at petsmart. unless you are talking about rare fish? i have seen very few truly unique tanks, and its the kind of thing i pay attention to.

most of this tank came from petsmart. minus the actual tank, which was given away because someone about ruined it by drilling holes in it. this tank was the result of boredom and had no actual filters, just pumps to move water. it also never got a water change while it was up and running.










this was the kind of thing that akinaura wanted to do with the tank that we are talking about. get it nice and well planted and full of fish. the planted part, mostly successful. but i did not set it up to feed itself, so when she neglected to feed them every day for months on end, the fish died. not the end of the world, but this is not the right kind of tank for her at this time. im going to walk her through setting one up this weekend that she will have to purposefully ignore after setup. those kinds of tanks are invested in once, and then simply observed.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Progress made Friday on the Triops tank for DD. Its fully setup in her bedroom and we are checking on it regularly for the arrival of baby triops.

Today was a complete wash on transitioning the larger tank into a triops tank. Last night DD was up and down screaming and crying about her ear. Cough/cold medicine and Tylenol did nothing. So I ran her to the Urgent Care as soon as I could this morning to be greeted with double ear infections and a ruptured ear drum. Ear infections I can deal with...the ruptured ear drum is something I've not dealt with before. So lots of researching for me.

Made a list to tackle the house tomorrow. Rain is preventing any kind of outdoor activity.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

I only read the first few posts....I hope all is going to plan. 

My only suggestion is don’t get analysis paralysis. Most project aren’t rocket surgery. Make a general plan; pull the trigger; get it done. 

By the end of the day you should have a good idea what’ll need tomorrow and if it’ll require any errands. 

‘Turn to’ as squids say, meaning get busy!


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Akinaura said:


> Ear infections I can deal with...the ruptured ear drum is something I've not dealt with before. So lots of researching for me.


Poor daughter. Hopefully she feels better fast. 

Usually a perforated eardrum has no treatment...sometimes ear drops.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Haiku said:


> Poor daughter. Hopefully she feels better fast.
> 
> Usually a perforated eardrum has no treatment...sometimes ear drops.


She is on antibiotics as it is for the ear infections (amoxicillin). Have to call her PCM in regards to the eardrum so we can get a much better look at it to so what course we are going to take on it. I dont e
Know what kind of rupture we are looking at.

Having never dealt with one personally or within my FOO, I'm a bit of my league, so my "first time momma" is showing.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

Update:

Saturday a wash due to sick child.
Sunday a wash because of an emergency at work and I had to run in for a few hours to help offset the load.

Today, worked at two different (I'm moving to a new store on Wednesday, YAY!!), and then had to go on a little adventure. A coworker of mine at my old store was getting rid of a child size solid wood desk, so I went and picked it up. Moving that into DD's room will be my weekend project.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

I admit, I have mixed feelings about this whole thread. On one hand, I can identify with being excited about a project and then it being left half-done. On the other hand....are you 100% sure it was YOUR idea to start this thread? There is an undercurrent of control and shaming that really bothers me....


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> I admit, I have mixed feelings about this whole thread. On one hand, I can identify with being excited about a project and then it being left half-done. On the other hand....are you 100% sure it was YOUR idea to start this thread? *There is an undercurrent of control and shaming that really bothers me....*


what seems controlling and shaming to you?


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

It's entirely possible I'm projecting. Possibly because it would make ME feel that way.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I've tried goldfish and chilclids at different times. Only way to get crystal clear water was with the coke bottle sized water polisher system. Goes in the cabinet and has high volume pump in out. 

https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petco...RGD4mW86xLydVjz6fd2Z_-ZZLPA1A83hoC78EQAvD_BwE


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

john117 said:


> I've tried goldfish and chilclids at different times. Only way to get crystal clear water was with the coke bottle sized water polisher system. Goes in the cabinet and has high volume pump in out.
> 
> https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petco...RGD4mW86xLydVjz6fd2Z_-ZZLPA1A83hoC78EQAvD_BwE


lol, thats one of those issues with goldfish and cichlids. both of them are hell on plants, so they make biological solutions more difficult.

a refugium works just as well for them as it does in salt water tanks. if kept full of hair algae with a bright light on it, it will keep the water crystal clear and the water parameters perfect. best part is that there are no cartridges to clean/replace. as an added bonus, the algae depletes the water of their own essential nutrients, so it just about eliminates any algae problems in the main tank, keeping all algae restricted to the refugium. 

im not sure why more people dont use refugium type setups in fresh water tanks. probably because they dont know its an option.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

personofinterest said:


> I admit, I have mixed feelings about this whole thread. On one hand, I can identify with being excited about a project and then it being left half-done. On the other hand....are you 100% sure it was YOUR idea to start this thread? There is an undercurrent of control and shaming that really bothers me....


Nope, wasnt my idea at all. But that's been discussed already in the thread. Asla came up with the idea in a conversation with me as a way to help me meet goals and help me with aspects of my mental health.

Now, in regards to that shaming and controlling part? I'd like to know where the gun to my head is at...cause Asla will be the first one to tell you he has no control over me!>


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

john117 said:


> I've tried goldfish and chilclids at different times. Only way to get crystal clear water was with the coke bottle sized water polisher system. Goes in the cabinet and has high volume pump in out.
> 
> https://www.petco.com/shop/en/petco...RGD4mW86xLydVjz6fd2Z_-ZZLPA1A83hoC78EQAvD_BwE


Wait...you chose one fish known within the community as just about THE dirtiest fish to keep...and also fish that are known to be straight up bullies to everything? No wonder you had to have a water polisher...neither would have allowed you to keep natural polishers for the water.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Akinaura said:


> Wait...you chose one fish known within the community as just about THE dirtiest fish to keep...and also fish that are known to be straight up bullies to everything? No wonder you had to have a water polisher...neither would have allowed you to keep natural polishers for the water.


True. I've kept guinea pigs, chinchillas, rats, and a 22 lb cat. The goldfish were by far the dirtiest. Tho a chincilla doing a sand bath is beyond funny. 

I did look up refugium as I had no idea. The Wikipedia entry sounded suspiciously like a college chem textbox but it seems to work very well. 

I've kept a single goldfish for like ever since then. In a 5 gallon tank with a basic flow filter.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

john117 said:


> True. I've kept guinea pigs, chinchillas, rats, and a 22 lb cat. The goldfish were by far the dirtiest. Tho a chincilla doing a sand bath is beyond funny.
> 
> I did look up refugium as I had no idea. The Wikipedia entry sounded suspiciously like a college chem textbox but it seems to work very well.
> 
> I've kept a single goldfish for like ever since then. In a 5 gallon tank with a basic flow filter.


college chem text book? are we looking at the same wikipedia page? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Refugium_(fishkeeping)

by the way, you will run into a lot of problems with a gold fish in a five gallon tank. your ammonia, nitrite, and nitrate levels will go through the roof since mechanical filters do not actually remove it. petsmart employees will often tell you that you can put an inch of fish in a gallon of water, but that only works for fish that only get an inch long. follow the rule for anything larger and the fish overloads the tanks ability to handle nitrogen.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Well remember my hard science skills outside statistics are about what a good size goldfish can do 

Five gallon and a single 5 inch goldfish has worked out well so far. The first goldfish lived about 8 years and the second is around 3.

This is what I have. Replace 20% water every couple weeks, full clean 3 or 4 times a year. It's got a flow filter on top and aerator pump. 

https://www.healthypets.com/eclpsesytmhex5gal.html


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

goldfish can live for decades if taken care of well. 8 years is pretty good for a gold fish in a five gallon tank. 

the hard part for any fresh water tank setup, especially small tanks, is keeping nitrate levels down. water changes can remove nitrates, but i find it simpler to use one of these on small tanks: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Algae_scrubber

...and holy crap... i just looked on ebay and there are a whole lot of crazy looking algae scrubbers, many of them quite expensive. i have been using algae scrubbers for nearly two decades, but i have never purchased one. i have always designed and built my own.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

hmm... it seems all those expensive algae scrubbers are being sold by someone i used to chat with in discussion forums years ago. he used to give away his designs for free, so that anyone who wanted to make one could make one themselves. he was very proud of his designs, and indeed they did work pretty well. 
@Akinaura, you remember SantaMonica, the guy who i used to chat with about his algae scrubber designs? looks like he is doing pretty well. what do you think aki, should we start selling my fresh water refugium designs? lol

i like seeing things like this. a decade ago, people weren't taking him seriously. he could barely even get people to build their own, or even test the ones he built. back then, i ran into the same issues with hobbyists when i started telling people how i used cladophora algae to breed difficult species of fish, some of which had never been successfully bred in captivity before. nobody would believe me until i started keeping tank logs and posting daily pictures of the tanks and micrographs of the larval fry. my avatar is one of those pictures. its a day old E. gilberti fry next to the same food that was fed to the fry in the original studies on their reproduction and growth rates. that picture was one of many that helped convince a lot of hobbyists to start using algae to breed fish, and to re-examine species thought to be impossible to raise from fry.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

As'laDain said:


> by the way, you will run into a lot of problems with a gold fish in a five gallon tank. your ammonia, nitrite, and nitrate levels will go through the roof since mechanical filters do not actually remove it. petsmart employees will often tell you that you can put an inch of fish in a gallon of water, but that only works for fish that only get an inch long. follow the rule for anything larger and the fish overloads the tanks ability to handle nitrogen.


I think this is the reason poor Hugo died. The nitrite/nitrate levels went up and I didn't caught it in time and remove him. After his death it took me about 2 weeks to get the tank stabilized again. Now it's running with no fish, I am thinking about giving the entire tank to the kids 2 houses down. But my daughter said we will get a new fish when she comes home. I am not sure I want to care for a new fish. The 5 gallon tank changes too quickly.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

brooklynAnn said:


> I think this is the reason poor Hugo died. The nitrite/nitrate levels went up and I didn't caught it in time and remove him. After his death it took me about 2 weeks to get the tank stabilized again. Now it's running with no fish, I am thinking about giving the entire tank to the kids 2 houses down. But my daughter said we will get a new fish when she comes home. I am not sure I want to care for a new fish. The 5 gallon tank changes too quickly.


you could try an algae scrubber. they really are impressive... once the algae starts growing on them, you can over stock the crap out of the tank and never get any nitrogen readings. algae is pretty powerful stuff when it comes to removing nutrients. 

at one point, i set up a tank with nothing but algae in it for a native species i collected in florida. i had 50 two and a half inch long fish squeezed into a five gallon tank. i fed it incredibly heavily and never did a single water change, and still couldn't get a nitrogen reading. i eventually moved them to another tank before selling them.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

I have bees!!!!! Omg omg omg!

I was cleaning up my house and went outside at 10am and there was nothing...at 11am there was a swarm down by our old hive! My butt nearly ran down to the local bee shop to get a few supplies and run back to catch the swarm. At first I thought I had lost the swarm because it had moved on, but all they had down was taken a rest on a branch. So there I am in jeans and a tank top and Wendy's fry container scooping bees from the tree and dropping them into the hive. After a while, I stopped and looked ro see if I had managed to grab the Queen or if she was still in the tree. I did a freaking butt wiggle when I saw her!! She was in the hive!!

Now to wait a few days and see if the swarm is gonna take to the hive. All signs so far tell me they like it. They especially love the sugar water I picked up to tide them over until I can make some on my own. I made Asla laugh when I described them going after it like a fat person goes after chocolate...but these bees will commit suicide for this stuff! Lol! Hopefully I will have happy news soon about them deciding to stay.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So, after a few days...the Queen has decided my hive is a good place to live.  The workers are busy getting comb ready for the eggs and honey. A secondary trip was needed to the bee supply place for a hive stand and more sugar water mix. I had the old beekeeper there laughing when I told him my bees went after the stuff like crazy and he said he was gonna steal my line about the fat chick when he needed describe the water to other customers lol.

I haven't spoken much cause I've kinda been neck deep in this new hobby. I can honestly say this is my first ever hobby. Asla is beyond thrilled so he's just sitting back enjoying it all. But I also understand now more fully where he comes from on regards to his tanks...so he's been happier on that front too.


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## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

So, its WAY past.time I do an update. And this one is sorely needed.

Let's start with the positives: the bees are doing excellant t, have started major nector collecting, and are producing new worker bees. We added new fish to the 75g, Rainbow Badis, and they are loving the tank. DD is nearly finished with school and won an award for reading over 100k words this year.

Now the negative: I have a HUVE issue with procrastination. I tell myself "I'll get to it later", but later never comes...something always pops up at the last minute. I also have an issue with self-sabatogue. I think the zelf-sabatogue thing stems from something in my past that I haven't fully dealt with. I used to get yelled at constantly for a lot of things that I had no clue about. Random things that I either had no control of or was not made aware was an issue until the other party started having a huge tantrum about it. It was his way of controlling me because it kept me on edge about what could go wrong...I never knew what would cause him to blow up. So I started purposely making mistakes because then I at least knew why I was getting yelled at...it was kinda my way of controlling an uncontrollable situatikn.

Now I've brought that into my marriage to Asla and that is a problem. That is baggage I shouldn't have brought. I need to change that. Changing behavior and thought patterns is a hard thing to do. Trust me, I've done it before, last year. When I did, it made our marriage better. Now I've let slip a lot of what I did then and I've fallen into a bad depressive streak. Asla was telling last night that I've been heading downhill for the last two months. I haven't seen it because to me everything looks normal. It's one of the reasons I love the man, he doesnt beat around the bush.. he tells it just like it is.

Ending on a positive: I thank @As'laDain for the "wake up" call last night. I worked about a hour before heading to bed, I've kept about 4 hours before a nightmare about the house not being finished woke ne up to getting more thi gs done. Including this post. Again, thank you.


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