# Don't know how y'all do it



## 241happyhour (Jan 31, 2011)

I read so many posts about couples having sex one time a week, once every 6 weeks or even longer---how in the hell can you stand it? If there is a health problem, I can understand---but, just (because the spouse doesn't want to), that is a deal breaker. I give y'all props who last more than 6 months with that scenario happening. Life is too short to be unhappy! How/ why? Kids involved? Can't afford divorce? 




Spouses---Remember, if your dog doesn't get fed at home he/she will dig In the neighbors trash


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## dubbizle (Jan 15, 2012)

A lot of truth in what you are saying.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

You will hear a different excuse for each person in a sexless/near sexless marriage. But they all scream "I don't think I can do better." Most use the kids as an excuse but deny doing any harm to the children by staying in a bad marriage.


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## Horsa (Jun 27, 2012)

I had been through 3 months without sex. And my kids was the main reason why I never thought of divorce, the other reason was I still love my DW very much (at that time I really fear of losing her).
Funny was, when I started to change (after reading NMMNG, I began to worked out and played golf on saturday, have weekend boys night out with old friends from HS once every month) and told her, I don't fear losing of her anymore, she began to change also.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

241happyhour said:


> I read so many posts about couples having sex one time a week, once every 6 weeks or even longer---how in the hell can you stand it? If there is a health problem, I can understand---but, just (because the spouse doesn't want to), that is a deal breaker. I give y'all props who last more than 6 months with that scenario happening. Life is too short to be unhappy! How/ why? Kids involved? Can't afford divorce?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Medical reasons for us, now. But before? I was the stupid one keeping him at bay. Really, it all boiled down to medical problems. Doesn't excuse my actions, but we have turned things around, together. I would prefer more than once a week, but I won't push him because of the medical issues he has NOW. But we spend time together. We have the intimacy back, now. As long as we have the intimacy, I am ok with once a week.

Regarding the dog digging in the neighbor's trash... yes, they will do that if not getting fed at home. But guess what? A dog will dig in the trash even if they ARE getting fed at home. And if that becomes a habit, the dog can be taken elsewhere. He doesn't have to stay, and the owner doesn't have to put up with the behavior. I get what you were saying. I didn't miss the analogy. What I'm saying is he can leave if he's going to wander.


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## Flyguy (Sep 29, 2012)

I'm one that falls into the every 6 weeks category - maybe even longer at times. Our 3 kids under 10 certainly are a factor, but I hate to use that as an excuse.

If you ask me, some women have a high sex drives while others can deal without .... my wife being the latter. This is what I'm trying to understand/figure out. How can a guy like me who would have sex every night be with a woman who could give two ****s about our sex life? It's starting to get the best of me. It sucks! (while she does not)


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

241happyhour said:


> Spouses---Remember, if your dog doesn't get fed at home he/she will dig In the neighbors trash


Not sure I understand the analogy. Are you saying that even a 'good' dog will eventually reach a breaking point and go digging in the neighbor's trash out of hunger and desperation?

Maybe a cat analogy would be better. If you stop feeding a cat, it will in effect, 'divorce' you and go find an owner that treats it better.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

ocotillo said:


> Not sure I understand the analogy. Are you saying that even a 'good' dog will eventually reach a breaking point and go digging in the neighbor's trash out of hunger and desperation?
> 
> Maybe a cat analogy would be better. If you stop feeding a cat, it will in effect, 'divorce' you and go find an owner that treats it better.


I laughed at this. It made me think. My ex-wife and I had a cat. Darn thing was independent. Loving, but independent. Wouldn't be taken advantage of. Never thought of it. Thanks.


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## MYM1430 (Nov 7, 2011)

I recognize that sex is not a "need" that I can't live without. And if I choose not to risk rejection, I can take responsibility for "not getting any". This does not lead to resentment for me because I am responsible for my own needs. If I decide that I don't need sex, I am not upset to enjoy it every few weeks or so.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

MYM1430 said:


> I recognize that sex is not a "need" that I can't live without. And if I choose not to risk rejection, I can take responsibility for "not getting any". This does not lead to resentment for me because I am responsible for my own needs. If I decide that I don't need sex, I am not upset to enjoy it every few weeks or so.


Would your SO be so accommodating if you failed to meet their needs? I doubt it...

It is truly a shame that so many put their most basic needs so low on the priority list. That they value themselves so low that they can not ask for the basics.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Meshing needs is a problem for some couples, too. I know that for us, my H would be perfectly happy with once every couple of weeks or so. I need/want more. But that's his normal. The key is to meet somewhere in the middle.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

For us, maybe twice this year. She just isn't in the mood.


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## kingsfan (Jun 4, 2012)

241happyhour said:


> I read so many posts about couples having sex one time a week, once every 6 weeks or even longer---how in the hell can you stand it? If there is a health problem, I can understand---but, just (because the spouse doesn't want to), that is a deal breaker. I give y'all props who last more than 6 months with that scenario happening. Life is too short to be unhappy! How/ why? Kids involved? Can't afford divorce?
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Great post. I'll reply from the position of a two time loser.

In my marriage, it was a total bait and switch from my ex's perspective. The sex was VERY frequent at first, I'd say at least once per day on average for the first 6 months, and lots of great sex. Marathon sessions, she'd jump me the minute we'd get home from work, even some oral. It was fantastic.

Once I was deep into the relationship though, the sex really began to wean out. Then I (as an idiot) married her, mostly because I was young (23) and felt some pressure from family, as well as the fact a child was on the way.

After seven-plus years of marriage, I finally built up the courage to leave. It wasn't just over sex, there was a lot of other stuff going on, including infidelity, but our sex life was pretty weak as well. 3 weeks without was a fairly regular thing. At one point, I could in point the days sex was on the table months ahead, simply because the only time sex was available was in the first week after her period was over. She got horny then, other than that, it was a guaranteed no go. I remember counting the days between sexual relations and reaching over 20 was a monthly occurence. if certain TV shows were on, or we/she was busy during that one week of 'possible sex' then it could easily stretch into much longer potentially.

After I left, a few months later I got involved with the woman who is currently my financee. Once again, sex was great at the beginning, but after a while it dwindled and dwindled to the point it was once every 2-3 weeks again.

I did this, AGAIN, for a few years. One day we start talking about living together, I guess I just snapped. I wasn't mean about it, but I told her that our sex life as is now wasn't an option for me long-term. I guess that the idea of living with a woman again that felt like sex 1-2 times a month was fine scared the **** out of me. We talked about it, and I told her that I wouldn't live with her in that sort of situation, and I also said that this stage in our relationship, if we aren't ready to live together it's likely time to move on. She agreed and the frequency in our relationship has risen to 1-3 times a week, mostly 2-3 times a week I'd wager.

Now, I'm not saying I'm 100% happy here. There are still times when i'd like it more than I get it, and overall the variety ( little oral sex, and hardly any things she knows I'd like to try) leaves a lot to be desired, but things are much better than where they were three years or so ago.

I think the reason for the low frequency really boils down to me for the most part. I did vocalize my desire for more sex to both my ex-wife and my current partner, but I never really did it 'like a man' so to speak. I more or less just threw it out there as 'hey, I'd like to see our sex lives improve, but if that's a problem, it's cool, we can get back to it later. It's no biggee'

I never really emphasized that A) it's a need and B) that my needs are 100% valid. Reason was because I didn't believe it was a need or that I was correct in thinking so. I am a religious person, but I was WAY more hardlined in my views back then, thinking it was wrong to masturbate, look at other women, etc. to the point that I felt like sex wasn't even something God really wanted me to take part in. This made it easy for my ex-wife to browbeat me into a very low sex life, as I had really made the battle easy to win for her.

I have since really began to reevaluate my religious beliefs and take a more open view to things and as such, I've redevelopment in me confidence in saying that sex is a need in a marriage, not just something that's fun. I don't feeel shame over my sexual wants and needs now, like it somehow made me a weaker person for not being able to stand up to them.

It's pretty easy to put up with the low frequency of sex when you feel like you are being weak or even wrong to even want it sometimes.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

dormant said:


> For us, maybe twice this year. She just isn't in the mood.


Really. 








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