# Good vs bsd



## Fire362 (Mar 6, 2018)

Problems
1. House is her life
2. Anti social
3. She doesn’t make fun plans
4. Dogs rule her
5. Health - smoking and diet. Doesn’t care how that will affect me in future.
6. Cooks little
7. Sex life zip
8. Wants me around home only
9. Excuses not to go places
10. Upgrades to house, I need to work overtime, wants me home, not to play, visit my parents, 
11. Tv - will walk the dogs but won’t walk with me.
12. Doesn’t dress
13. Little sense of humor. Doesn’t like to joke
14. Doesn’t make me feel wanted. Doesn’t answer phone and when she does, she’s busy.
15. Doesn’t try to be stronger. Workout etc. Excuses

Good
1. Not lazy except cook and get dress
2. Low maintenance except house
3. Loves God
4. Loves animals 
5. Both of us not fancy.
6. Both love nature
7. Both love light / sunshine
8. Both love gardening 
9. Both conservatives

Will it work?


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## itsontherocks (Sep 7, 2015)

Depends. Could you live in a sexless marriage? I know I couldn't. Are you a cook? If not, are you willing to learn? Do you want to get sick from second hand smoking? Do you dream to become a couch potato?

More importantly, do you have any self-esteem or any self-respect for yourself? You will become a doormat. Leave immediately and do not look back. There is nothing good that can come of this union. Unless you believe in the old wives tale, misery loves company. It may for her, but will it for you?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

If you want to be her sexless doormat and you can swallow your self esteem all your life it will work out perfect. Nothing but red flags everywhere.


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

That’s a mountain of problems. I would say first and foremost tell her NO when she tries to control you. You wanna go somewhere and do something fun? tell her she is more than welcome to join you but you are going. Not all the time obviously but you are not beholden to her at all times. She doesn’t have to run you. Doormat is a good word for that. The smoking thing would be a deal breaker for me if she refused to address it and didn’t consider my health. Does she smoke inside or outside? If it’s inside I’d be outta there.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

It's one thing for a marriage to descend into #7 over time for a variety of reasons.

But if you know #7 is there right from the get-go, it's a no-no. 

Don't even think it might get better--it won't.


And speaking purely personally here, #5 would be a deal breaker all by itself.


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

Fire362 said:


> Problems
> 1. House is her life
> 2. Anti social
> 3. She doesn’t make fun plans
> ...


Fail


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Fire362 said:


> Problems
> 1. House is her life
> 2. Anti social
> 3. She doesn’t make fun plans
> ...


In my personal opinion, whenever I begin to write pro and con lists, I know that it won't work..

Besides that, based on your list, the bolded parts are very worrisome. Sex is very important in a relationship and so is feeling wanted. It sounds like you're not getting EITHER of your two very important needs met: emotional and physical intimacy. 

Beyond that, it sounds like she's very introverted and perhaps you're very extraverted. This can cause problems if you can't accept each other for who you are and live that part of your life independently. Also, the sense of humour thing is a big deal because it shows how you view the world and can help you understand each other better. 

In my opinion, I don't think I could ever be with someone who I don't laugh/have fun with and there is NO emotional or physical intimacy. There are just too many cons. The only things keeping you together are your common interests....why not just be friends in that case??


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## Cromer (Nov 25, 2016)

purplesunsets said:


> In my personal opinion, whenever I begin to write pro and con lists, I know that it won't work..
> 
> Besides that, based on your list, the bolded parts are very worrisome. Sex is very important in a relationship and so is feeling wanted. It sounds like you're not getting EITHER of your two very important needs met: emotional and physical intimacy.
> 
> ...


My XWW said that it was my sense of humor that attracted her to me (I'm an average Joe lookswise), and my gf told me the same thing; that after the first date she already had it in her mind that she wanted to spend more time with me because I made her laugh so much. She loves to laugh and I take great joy in getting her to laugh. I think that having a sense of humor is often an underrated relationship element, even though you see so many women who say that it's important to them in a relationship. I wouldn't want to be in a humorless relationship, any more than a sexless one.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

purplesunsets said:


> In my personal opinion, whenever I begin to write pro and con lists, I know that it won't work..
> 
> Besides that, based on your list, the bolded parts are very worrisome. Sex is very important in a relationship and so is feeling wanted. It sounds like you're not getting EITHER of your two very important needs met: emotional and physical intimacy.
> 
> ...


Yes, this is particularly troubling. I'm a light hearted extrovert and my wife is a dead serious introvert, but even early on, I was always able to get her to laugh. Nobody else could. That's part of how I knew I was special (to her) and that we'd be able to make it work. To this day, I can keep her rolling pretty good. The shared laughter has been an effective bonding mechanism, even when other aspects of our relationship were suffering.


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## purplesunsets (Feb 26, 2018)

Cromer said:


> My XWW said that it was my sense of humor that attracted her to me (I'm an average Joe lookswise), and my gf told me the same thing; that after the first date she already had it in her mind that she wanted to spend more time with me because I made her laugh so much. She loves to laugh and I take great joy in getting her to laugh. I think that having a sense of humor is often an underrated relationship element, even though you see so many women who say that it's important to them in a relationship. I wouldn't want to be in a humorless relationship, any more than a sexless one.





Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Yes, this is particularly troubling. I'm a light hearted extrovert and my wife is a dead serious introvert, but even early on, I was always able to get her to laugh. Nobody else could. That's part of how I knew I was special (to her) and that we'd be able to make it work. To this day, I can keep her rolling pretty good. The shared laughter has been an effective bonding mechanism, even when other aspects of our relationship were suffering.


Yep.. totally! It is definitely underrated. I think a sense of humour is near the top of my list.. Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever dated someone I didn't think was funny. Also, if he doesn't laugh at my jokes, I feel uncomfortable around him...so it goes both ways. It's like an immediate shut-down or rejection if someone doesn't laugh at your jokes!


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Fire362 said:


> Problems
> 1. House is her life
> 2. Anti social
> 3. She doesn’t make fun plans
> ...


The bad list is crushing. The good list can be satisfied better with a dog.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NobodySpecial said:


> The bad list is crushing. The good list can be satisfied better with a dog.



@NobodySpecial said it best, with very few words.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Fire362 said:


> Problems
> 1. House is her life
> 2. Anti social
> 3. She doesn’t make fun plans
> ...


Nope.


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## sdrawkcab (Jun 16, 2016)

OP-

What are you wanting from presenting this list?

Do you need someone to tell you the bad has tipped your marriage toward divorce?

Do you love your wife? 

Do you want to to try to improve your relationship or are you looking for permission to leave?

I'm not trying to be cruel...just wanting to understand.

I'm guessing when you and your wife first met and early in your relationship you both were intentional in loving each other. Meaning, each of your actions were extended outward toward the other (the receiving was mostly a byproduct of the outward loving to one another). 

It's obvious from the list (the content describing where your wife is focused and the exercise of creating list describes where you're focused) that both of you no longer love outward but are looking inward ("what's in it for me?").

My question to you (since you're the one here posting)- Are you willing to change (revert back to outward love toward your wife) and try to see if that elicits a change in her, or are you at the point that it's too late.

My advice is to be intentional (in either decision).

Best Wishes


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Fire362 said:


> Problems
> 
> 7. Sex life zip
> 
> Will it work?


No.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Fire362 said:


> Problems
> 1. House is her life
> 2. Anti social
> 3. She doesn’t make fun plans
> ...


No. A serious no.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

NobodySpecial said:


> The bad list is crushing. The good list can be satisfied better with a dog.


What exactly is a conservative dog?
A bearded collie maybe?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> What exactly is a conservative dog?
> A bearded collie maybe?


Dunno. One that does not bark a lot and is muted with his or her affection?


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Fire362 said:


> Problems
> 
> 5. Health - smoking and diet. Doesn’t care how that will affect me in future.
> 7. Sex life zip
> ...


It depends. As it sits now I would say a very low probability of making your 25th wedding anniversary maybe not even your 5th wedding anniversary.

If you get into some serious marriage counseling and you both commit to it and working on making a good strong marriage that meets both your needs, then yes it could work.

Good luck.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Andy1001 said:


> What exactly is a conservative dog?
> A bearded collie maybe?





NobodySpecial said:


> Dunno. One that does not bark a lot and is muted with his or her affection?


Probably an impotent or neutered dog? Sorry, couldn't resist a political joke.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Young at Heart said:


> Probably an impotent or neutered dog? Sorry, couldn't resist a political joke.


LOL! One who swallows slop that is not in its best interest!


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## koswoli (Oct 16, 2017)

Fire362 said:


> Problems
> 1. House is her life
> 2. Anti social
> 3. She doesn’t make fun plans
> ...


That sounds like an absolute nightmare. Why do you even want this marriage/relationship to work out? What is in it for you?

You have a wife who is unhealthy, doesn't take care of herself, doesn't want to do activities, doesn't want to have sex with you, is controlling, won't cook, won't dress up, has no personality. But you both like to garden so hey, perfect marriage? 

You have no self-respect.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> The bad list is crushing. The good list can be satisfied better with a dog.


erroneous post, couldn't figure out how to delete


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

SpinyNorman said:


> erroneous post, couldn't figure out how to delete


I am the poster of the post to which you replied. I am happy to delete it. What I meant to say was that your situation does not seem good. I was not intending to be mean. The subsequent replies which were intended as jest, at least by me, would need to be deleted by mods, however. I think. Sorry if I hurt or offended.


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