# long distance marriage frustration



## even (Nov 24, 2011)

My wife and I are living in different countries (America / Asia) and are separated for long periods of time, the last being 6 months and are only together for maybe 3 to 4 weeks at a time. She does not want me to masturbate while we are apart and I have agreed. I am 56 years old and thought I could do this but am having a hard time keeping this promise to her. Could anyone offer me some advice that may help in my situation. Please do not tell me she is being unreasonable, I want to keep my promise to her and view breaking this promise as cheating. Help Please


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

even said:


> She does not want me to masturbate while we are apart and I have agreed. ... Please do not tell me she is being unreasonable, I want to keep my promise to her and view breaking this promise as cheating.


So you want advice, but you want anyone who responds to tell you your wife is not being unreasonable. Okay, I'll bite ... go jogging a lot, work out at a gym, focus on reading non-fiction about historical events, pray. Lots of physical activity should help you fall asleep quickly and sleep soundly. If you wake up with an erection in the morning, which men frequently do, ignore it and it will go away (I guess).

If/when you feel the urge to masturbate come on, call a friend, take a walk, or watch a dull documentary on t.v. to get your mind off anything that has to do with sex. 

Hope that helps.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

even said:


> My wife and I are living in different countries (America / Asia) and are separated for long periods of time, the last being 6 months and are only together for maybe 3 to 4 weeks at a time. She does not want me to masturbate while we are apart and I have agreed. I am 56 years old and thought I could do this but am having a hard time keeping this promise to her. Could anyone offer me some advice that may help in my situation. Please do not tell me she is being unreasonable, I want to keep my promise to her and view breaking this promise as cheating. Help Please


Are you for real? Sorry, not trying to be insulting this just comes off as a trolling type of thread. Long distance marriages are very, very difficult, how much longer is this arrangement supposed to last? Are you deployed in the armed forces?

Not only is this request not reasonable (and you are crazy for making such a promise) it is not healthy. If you deny yourself every possible sexual outlet you will either go insane or else you will become asexual, and will eventually feel nothing but shame when you eventually do have a conjugal visit with her, and will not be able to get an erection. Do you and her atleast cybersex with each other (if so does she include mutual masterbation in this arrangement?)

Also, when you are away from her for such long times, how is she coping with her own sexual and emotional needs? Is she allowed to talk to men other than family members? Just how much do you really trust her and how would you go about verifying your trust in her?

If you cared about your marriage you would be in the process of finding a way to be together in person. If you care about yourself you need to find a sexual outlet, and the preferred one in your case would be masterbation. Tell her you want to take back your promise and that you must take care of your needs.


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## even (Nov 24, 2011)

Yes I am for real. This arrangement will last as long as it takes to get visa for her to enter the U.S. or I retire and get a permanent visa to stay there. Our marriage will last a lifetime as there is no legal divorce in her country where we were married. We do talk every day through computer but do not perform sexual acts on ourselves. I trust my wife completely and do not want to take back my promise. If I were in my 20's, 30's or even 40's yes this would be an unreasonable request and I would never be able to fulfill it. But in my 50's I would think my hormone levels would have subsided enough to be able to control these urges and not act impulsively upon them. I do feel that these long periods of time apart are actually making our marriage stronger and bringing us closer together in a more romantic and intimate way that will make our sexual relationship more satisfying in the future. 
I am not sure what it is I am looking for here, advice, reassurance or maybe just moral support. There is a lot of information out there to enhance ones sex drive but very little on how to tone it down.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

even said:


> ...There is a lot of information out there to enhance ones sex drive but very little on how to tone it down.


Then I guess just read up on what to do to improve your sex drive and just do the opposite. Sounds crazy to me though because our sexuality doesn't just reside in a container that you can open and close at will, it is a part of every aspect of our personality and identity... you turn off the drive and it's not just your libido that slows down... as a man that is trying to build UP my libido... and probably more importantly my drive, energy, strength, confidence ambition and health and everything else that isn't working like I want it to, I think you got it wrong.


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