# Crave affection not sex though?



## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Is this what it's like getting older? It all started about 9 months ago or so where I found my desire waning. We have always been very explorative toys, role playing, etc and I started to feel like "Been there done that 10x over!" our frequency started to decrease to 2/week. Which given our lifestyle is fine we are both super busy work, kids, school, etc.

It has ebbed and flowed since then with some really good intimacy, but most of the time I'm fine with cuddling, holding, and going to sleep. 

The enigma is I'm not really into sex anymore. Kissing, foreplay, toys I'm on board, but actually sex ehhhhh Im' good and fine with a handjob to be honest. Wife and I are getting along fine we both wonder if this is just how it happens slowly decreases as you age. I guess as a man I talk to guys who say "I would tear it up everyday if I could?" and I just don't see it like that anymore. 

I think it's age, overthinking life, and repetition, but even then I may be grasping at straws.

Tom. is date night so we will see...........lol!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You say it might be age? Well how old are you two?


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> You say it might be age? Well how old are you two?


Late 30's which obviously isn't old, but aches, pains, etc are real these days. We both are in shape within 10lbs of our marriage weight .....well she is....lol. I'm more like 16-17lbs.

The other day we were having sex and her hips kept popping and she just laughed "Gonna have to trade me in soon.....!" afterwards we joked how remember when "Sex in a car", "The carpet?", "Behind the building" really anywhere was common.

It's just different now.........both of us it's not just me. I guess as a man we are supposed be be freaky horndogs all the time, ya know. I am clearly not!!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Ok so you are relatively young.

Since it seems to be a big change for you, you might want to get your hormone levels checked just to make sure. If they are low it will affect everything from your sex life, your job performance, and your health.


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

EleGirl said:


> Ok so you are relatively young.
> 
> Since it seems to be a big change for you, you might want to get your hormone levels checked just to make sure. If they are low it will affect everything from your sex life, your job performance, and your health.


I am going, but really that has been blown way out of proportion lately. Normal really is normal and the only fix is lifelong supplementation of testosterone which isn't without it's own set of potential problems.

I'll know soon I'm going on 1/10 just to make sure


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband is like this...he just doesn't NEED the release like he would have in the past... but he still wants to do it...his desire is more so fueled by the emotional connection over antsy LUST...

We both still enjoy revving ourselves up to the Lust plane though ..... so still having a good amount of sex for our older selves.. . He just turned 49. 

At your tender age ..I don't think he would be feeling like that... not yet anyway. 

I had my husband tested 4 yrs ago.....solely because I was a little frustrated he couldn't keep up with me & wanted his Levels checked...just to be sure... We learned he was on the lower end of normal - lowest reading was 323 -highest 503 out of 9 morning tests spanning 6 months or so...by 2 different Docs. (Normal depending on Labs is 250ish -1100)

I would have never noticed anything different about him had my sex drive stayed the same (a blessing your wife is feeling as she is - in tune with your drive).... My husband did not need treatment... no brain fog, no depression... no trouble with orgasms....and we were still having alot of sex... 5-6 times a week during that time (but a little split viagra was helpful )...

We learned his levels were normal for a 60 yr old man.... then by reading books on TEST....I learned for some men... this is normal for THEM... I think he falls into that category... 

His decline in Test , I believe, has been steady and normal for who he is... If yours is something SUDDEN, more alarming, like "WHat is happening to me"..... then you could have had a dive in your levels... stress on the Job can do this for a time too.

Here is the TAM thread on TEST..if you want to hear from others experiences... 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/19213-dealing-low-testosterone-hypogonadism.html



> Is It Low T? 11 Symptoms of Low Testosterone
> 
> As men age, testosterone production decreases. When production drastically drops or ceases, a range of symptoms and complications can occur. Signs of low testosterone (low T) are often subtle and are mistaken as a natural part of aging.
> 
> ...


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## OhGeesh (Jan 5, 2010)

Simply that data is not current!! 

1100 is almost unheard of!! For that matter even 800 is pretty rare too.

In fact current urological protocol is over 500 to cut back on supplementation due to possible side effects. I'm not saying progressive MD's catering to a certain client will not push the envelope, but 300-500 is fine for 99.9999% of people and doctors out there.

With our schedules 2 times a week is fine 50hrs/wk each, taekwondo, gymnastics, studying, choir, soccer, volleyball, plus school really M-F is 5:30am-9pm before we even sit down and breathe..........lol.

There has been a huge decrease in my need for sex. We will see how the tests come back.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

OhGeesh said:


> I guess as a man we are supposed be be freaky horndogs all the time, ya know. I am clearly not!!


That's because it's a myth. Countless millions of men fall outside of the "horndog" category.

I really think that some of the men who are more prone to be horndogs are:

- Very young men who have sporadic sex
- Guys in low sex, and no sex, marriages

I think even HD guys, if they're with a partner who enjoys sex, and wants it regularly, aren't freaky all the time. I know just by going on this board alone most of the guys I see who say they "need" it everyday are dudes with wives who are only opening up their legs a couple times a month, if that. Meanwhile I am fairly HD, can have sex pretty much when I want it, so I never feel any kind of major horndog craving, because I "eat" every week, and am never anxious about where my next "meal" will come from.

You guys sound like you're just mutually settling into a nice groove. It would be a problem if you were waning, and she was hungry. Maybe it's not even about your sex life. Maybe, right now in your married life, you both just need more non-sexual intimacy, and closeness. I know that sometimes, when my wife and I are feeling even more in love, it translates into a little less sex, but more cuddling, touching, and physical closeness.


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