# Question



## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

How important is for you to feel protected by your husband/mate?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

If he's not protecting me and providing me the security and safety I need, then what's the point?? It's that important. Just to get specific, are you talking about physical, financial or emotional protection?? Or all??
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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

HUGELY important. MASSIVE. And he does great at it.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Next question. What specifically can/does your husband/mate do to make you feel emotionally safe?


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

morituri said:


> Next question. What specifically can/does your husband/mate do to make you feel emotionally safe?


 He cannot let anything or anyone come between us, or place a higher value upon anything over his marriage and his wife. Comes to my defense whether others are disrespectful to my face or behind my back. Is solidly committed to his vows, his word, and his family. To be someone of character and emotional strength. This is hypothetical, at this point, as my husband is not currently protecting me in all areas... He is working on this, and the more he is able to acknowledge my needs, the safer I feel. When I feel safe, I can relax and be feminine and enjoy security in our world, in THE world.
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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

Since we met, my health problems have been sort of a shadow over our relationship. He's been very protective of me in those times, with neverending patience and strength, even when it affected him negatively (financially, emotionally, etc). 

He provides for us financially (I work also though) and I know that even if things were very bad financially (we're struggling now as it is), he would do everything he possibly could to keep us going. I know he would sacrifice his own comfort for mine - I've seen him do this. I do the same for him. 

He does little protective things all the time. He escorts me to the ATM (we don't live in a high-crime area, but you never know). He is a very, very careful driver when I'm in the car (he was a speed demon before we met, now he's not). He's extremely calm in crises (I am calm in real crises, but in minor ones I tend to freak out). He's very level-headed in general, and has perfected the "having anxiety about it won't fix it" mindset, which makes him a very calming person to be around. He doesn't do childish things that would make me feel unsafe or worried (like throwing money away, getting drunk or smoking, extreme sports). 

He has completely earned my trust so I know I can tell him anything and everything. This is a form of protection. It is a very secure feeling to know that you can trust someone completely. We have no bad marks on our relationship (no past infidelity, no past breakups, no past major fights) that could undermine that trust.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Totally envy you, Omega.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

morituri said:


> How important is for you to feel protected by your husband/mate?


Terribly, I would only be with someone whose very *WORD *could be depended on. If a man was forgetful-always had excuses for things he was lax about, too much of a partier, didn't take his financial obligations seriously, just as a few examples, I would have been pulling my hair out of my head. 

I don't need him to open my doors and help me with house chores or little things I can do on my own by any means, but I KNOW that I know that I know, if I had a CRISIS of any sort , even an emotional crisis, he would never belittle that -he would be there in a heart beat - drop anything & everything -nothing would come before his family. 

It is a "peace" I have in my heart, I have always felt secure , loved, valued , he looks out for every little thing - to ensure our safety. I love that about him. Sometimes I think he might be a little overkill on it, but I am not going to complain about that !


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

morituri said:


> How important is for you to feel protected by your husband/mate?


It's incredibly important to me. I need to feel that security and strength from him in order to feel loved and feel desire for him. In turn, I try to make him feel loved and cared for by taking care of him in softer ways. Getting up early in the morning to make his lunch and breakfast before he goes off to work. Making him nice dinners and trying to keep the house nice and a comfortable place to come home to after a hard day at work.

During a rough time in our marriage not long ago, he didn't always make me feel protected. It made me feel very insecure about our marriage and unloved by him. An example would be when I got a flat tire on my car & he put the spare on. I drove around for a month or more with no spare (mind you I work some nights and would have to drive home at 10pm) because we didn't have money for one. Well he finally decided to get a spare...because he was going to take my car to a concert about an hour away! He took the money from an envelope put away for his truck payment, and couldn't understand why I was so upset. Why couldn't he borrow that money set aside weeks ago when I was the one driving my car around? He showed that my safety didn't matter to him and I felt very unloved.

Things have gotten better with us, and for the most part I feel protected by him again. He is definitely my rock.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

YinPrincess said:


> Totally envy you, Omega.


:iagree::iagree:

I second that! You are one lucky woman, and wise enough to know it.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Extremely important, possibly most important thing there is for a man to provide a woman. I think I would do anything for a man who did provide it. I don't think my husband shines here. I previously thought he did but then when I hurt myself, it was made blatantly clear he would drop the ball. I wish more than anything this wasn't the case because I do love him. He previously made me feel safe & secure but not so much anymore.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I love knowing my husband protects me and our family.

I feel very safe with him around. Even though I could protect myself, it's nice knowing he's there.


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## I'mAllIn (Oct 20, 2011)

It's somewhat important for me to feel physically and financially protected by my husband, and I appreciate the fact that he does a great job of making sure I am. It feels great to have him check and recheck the car before I go on a trip, or the way in a huge crowd he takes my hand in his and then walks in front of me clearing a path so we don't get seperated and I don't get pushed around. Really though, being x-military I didn't get married to be physically protected, I can take care of myself as well as anyone. I also have a pretty decent career, so I could count on myself financially too if I had to.
The really big thing for me is the emotional support/protection. I'm a big ol' stress ball, and he's really the only one with whom I can completely and totally relax. He's the first one I want to tell about everything, good and bad. He cares enough to push me to talk to him when he sees there's something bothering me, and no matter how dumb I feel about what's on my mind he always reassures me that it's not and that he wants me to talk to him about anything that's worrying me. He takes care of lots of little things around the house and with the kids that he can just deal with and then forget about but if I knew and had to deal with would stress me out or weigh on my mind. When things are really bad for me he just holds me close and tells me how much he loves me and that everything will be ok. I guess basically he's emotionally supportive by making it very clear that he really loves me.


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## omega (Aug 2, 2011)

One thing that I think has actually improved my quality of life overall is the way my husband has of saying (and I know he means it) that no matter what I do or don't do (usually in regards to some specific thing that's stressing me out) it will not affect how much he loves me.

Example: I was offered a really, really stressful job that would have been quite well paid. I didn't know what to do. He made it extremely clear that he would support me if I took it, but he would absolutely not mind if I didn't, even though we really needed the money.


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## fcc (Apr 13, 2010)

I'm kinda overwhelmed reading about all these nice hubby's you all have. Especially abt omega's hubby who is such a safe driver. My H is a great driver, but he's all about showing other people up on the road, and suddenly accelerating, and making weird risky turns (esp when he gets mad at someone on the road). It freaks me out. 

I'm a very strong and practical woman. And mostly can deal with anything life throws my way. Yet, it is always nice to know that someone has your back when you are tired of dealing with it by yourself all the time. My hubby is financially protected me well. Although I never felt the need to be protected in this respect being a career woman myself. In some other respects what bugs me about him is that he's never been an emergency response kinda person. Like when I trip/fall/cough suddenly/ scream for help, my hubby is always MIA. I have to gather myself always, as he never knows what to do under pressure. 

So it would be nice to know that when I let go of the reigns someone else's got control for me so I can just take the back seat and enjoy the ride too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

morituri said:


> Next question. What specifically can/does your husband/mate do to make you feel emotionally safe?


Never make her doubt your love for her
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

fcc said:


> I'm kinda overwhelmed reading about all these nice hubby's you all have. Especially abt omega's hubby who is such a safe driver. My H is a great driver, but he's all about showing other people up on the road, and suddenly accelerating, and making weird risky turns (esp when he gets mad at someone on the road). It freaks me out.


My husband is a very safe driver too- never had an accident. It has been me who gets the tickets! (only 2 in 22 yrs though, that is not too bad, I derseved many more!).

I am the lead foot, he always reminds me like 2 times before I leave the house -if I am driving alone to be careful, he knows I tend to be heavy on that gas pedal, always worried about me hitting a deer on the back roads. We drove 17 hrs straight to Disney 2 weeks ago, he didn't want me to drive cause last trip I got a ticket in Georgia 3am -he likes to joke about it anyway - I was lucky that officier took it easy on me! 

This time I promised to use Cruise Control so he was not so worried & he could have a break . He only let me drive 4 of those hours.


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## Michelle27 (Nov 8, 2010)

These are questions that hit very close to home for me. I don't think I ever thought about these things until my husband fell into a terrible depression 5 years ago and his reaction to that was to lash in anger, mostly at me. My home stopped being the safe place to fall it had been previous to the depression and my husband who had been very protective and supportive previous to the depression went through stages of the "old" him followed by seeming to hate everything about me. And yet, he demanded 100% support of him, but didn't appreciate my support when it came in the form of researching his illness and insisting on staying current with medical professionals and wanting counseling in place to help him heal. 

All that said, my husband seems to have turned a corner, and I'm seeing his supportive side come out again. This has made me REALLY appreciate this part of a marriage more than I ever did. I think before the depression hit him, I probably took that for granted. Never again.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Not all that important to me.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Arnold said:


> Not all that important to me.


I would hope not but it does raise some :wtf: questions about you. :rofl:

Ladies could you pass me the mind bleach, please?


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

I am a female. If any men are lurking on this site - they should take note. When I was in college I was introduced to the hiercachy of needs model from Maslow. I didn't really think much of it until I grew up and see how much it does make sense in what is important to the majority of people. Work from the base up to the top. The base needs have to be met in order to go to the next level and we grow emtoionally and mentlly this way according to his studies. I have it posted below in case you might be interested.


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

Maslow's therory - you need all of number one to move to number 2 and so forth

Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and diagrams of Maslow's motivational theory - pyramid diagrams of Maslow's theory

hope the link works - scroll down one page to see the levels and understand it.


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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Very very very important. I'm a survivor of some abuse and always stuck in abuse cycles, so it is really important for me to feel safe. 

And this is what has failed in our relationship. I'm hoping it can be fixed, but, he's got to want to fix it. Also, I have learned that it's up to me to protect myself rather than rely on anyone else. That would change the need in my relationship; it would be protection to trust from my husband.

I used to feel safe with him, safer than anywhere else in my life. Then, he started cheating, became emotionally abusive, and character-assassinated me when his actions came to light. He said he'd protect me from anyone. Seems like that didn't include himself 

This issue really is connected to both self-reliance and also safety, I think.


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

I wonder if anyone can give an example of someone who is considered "self actualized"?

Sex is considered a basic biological need? Does that mean without it people are stuck on the bottom rung?

Dunno...reading what you linked to could have me debating the hell out of it all year.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Trenton said:


> Sex is considered a basic biological need? Does that mean without it people are stuck on the bottom rung?.


Without it people wouldn't exist.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

morituri said:


> I would hope not but it does raise some :wtf: questions about you. :rofl:
> 
> Ladies could you pass me the mind bleach, please?



This seems a little close minded.


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## Arnold (Oct 25, 2011)

Trenton said:


> I wonder if anyone can give an example of someone who is considered "self actualized"?
> 
> Sex is considered a basic biological need? Does that mean without it people are stuck on the bottom rung?
> 
> Dunno...reading what you linked to could have me debating the hell out of it all year.


I beleive my XW, a serial cheating, spiritual advisor and director of the women's program at an upscale chem dep treatment facility in MN, is "self actualized". 
She also has "connection" with the assorted men she banged after meeting them inbars.
Oh. and she has her "spirtual group",a bunch of old hags who "explore their feelings(gossip incessantly).
Recently , she told me that "the chemistry became sexualized" , referring toher affairs.

Yep she would definitely attacje herself to a neat sounding phrase like "self actualized". She would completely understand what it means , immediately.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

4821 said:


> Maslow's therory - you need all of number one to move to number 2 and so forth
> 
> Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs and diagrams of Maslow's motivational theory - pyramid diagrams of Maslow's theory
> 
> hope the link works - scroll down one page to see the levels and understand it.


I think, on a personal level, sex doesn't belong on the bottom rung... more like on the third rung. On a sociological scale however it is of primary importance, it is the essence of our species.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

It's one of the many things that separate us from other species, that's for sure. We assign a great deal of significance to it, whereas yes, it is, really just a basic 'need', if you can even call it that. Anyhow, it's futile to argue with a dead man. LoL I wonder how many men and women would just fall over dead without it. 

I believe it is true, however, that you can only realize your full potential when all of you basic mental and physical needs are being met. Part of that potential starts with fulfilling your basic needs. It really can be debated either way, and in several different contexts, but here is how I view it as related to the topic: ladies, your husband is best able to provide the safety, security and protection you need when his needs are also being fulfilled. Same to the men, and we often argue about who should go first... LoL
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