# Why do I feel guilty for wanting out?



## Hou0506 (Jun 28, 2016)

I am currently getting ready to file for divorce from my husband of 10 years over an infidelity issue on his part. My gut tells me it's the right thing to do, but why do I feel guilty for wanting a divorce? There are times when I feel like maybe I'm giving up too easily, and then there are times when I feel like I'm not leaving fast enough.

I am experiencing a roller coaster of emotions right now. I want to be sure that I am making this decision because it's the right thing to do and not just a reaction to a heated emotional state.

Anyone ever feel that way?


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## TN129 (May 13, 2016)

i'm going through some very similar struggles, i'm beginning to believe its just human nature to feel guilty leaving something you've invested so much time, effort, and emotion into.


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## Unicus (Jun 2, 2016)

Only you know why you're feeling any particular way, but I'd venture a guess that the guilt comes from your not really wanting to do this. It's not like you arrived at this decision after careful reasoning over a period of time about the actual quality of the marriage, you made the decision after betrayal. 

So, your anger might be at the betrayal, rather than the loss of the marriage or him. That would come thru in a sense of guilt about your plans, as they're the result of your feeling betrayed, rather than your recognition that you do not love him any more.

Even when divorce is a good thing, it's still a considerable loss, take care of yourself...and if you find yourself really tortured by the guilt, get some therapy. It can help clarify what's going on inside and give you the strength to make some good decisions with out the interference of other emotions.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Hou0506 said:


> I am currently getting ready to file for divorce from my husband of 10 years over an infidelity issue on his part. My gut tells me it's the right thing to do, but why do I feel guilty for wanting a divorce? There are times when I feel like maybe I'm giving up too easily, and then there are times when I feel like I'm not leaving fast enough.
> 
> I am experiencing a roller coaster of emotions right now. I want to be sure that I am making this decision because it's the right thing to do and not just a reaction to a heated emotional state.
> 
> Anyone ever feel that way?


Not sure of the why but rest assured you are wrong to feel guilty. Would you feel guilty if he was physically abusing you? Of course not. Why feel guilty when he is emotionally. 

One thing I have learned from observing my wife is that some woman feel guilty about things that they shouldn't. Particularly when they are not being altruistic. I am not sure if that is just naturally built into them because of the mothering thing or not. In this case though you need to see it for what it is. Also you are still emotionally bonded to him, so you still think of him emotionally as your other half, however that person is dead, he killed him. This new person is like an imposter, you do not have to be loyal to him. 

Life it too short.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Hou0506 said:


> I am currently getting ready to file for divorce from my husband of 10 years over an infidelity issue on his part. My gut tells me it's the right thing to do, but why do I feel guilty for wanting a divorce? There are times when I feel like maybe I'm giving up too easily, and then there are times when I feel like I'm not leaving fast enough.
> 
> I am experiencing a roller coaster of emotions right now. I want to be sure that I am making this decision because it's the right thing to do and not just a reaction to a heated emotional state.
> 
> Anyone ever feel that way?


The roller coaster is perfectly normal. However, DO try to let go of the guilt. HE is the one responsible for betrayal, not you. Your gut is telling you what you need to do, but your head is resisting what the gut knows is right. You can be pretty well assured that you are doing the right thing. Its rare that the cheater shows the correct remorse and does the heavy lifting required to rebuild things with the betrayed spouse. And even if they do, most BS's are not able to ever get past it and trust their spouse again. 

Be kind to yourself.


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Because the onus has been put on you for action. Taking action sucks. Like really sucks. The other person passively affects you and you feel bad for having to deal with it. It is natural but the guilt doesn't override the pain of NOT taking action.


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