# Did I make a mistake...? Need advice



## klab0001 (Dec 17, 2010)

My W had a month long affair that I discovered on Sept 24th. It started on FB ... it's my opinion that FB is evil, how many affairs have started since the creation of FB? Anyways, the affair has stopped and I believe her. However after discovering this site and seeing how others have asked for complete transperency I just asked my wife to closer her FB account, she said that she would rather not because she enjoys following all of her friends. I then said that if she does not want to close her FB account will she give me her password. W got upset with me because she feels that I am not trusting her and that she needs a "place" to call her own. And by asking for stuff like this I am pushing her away. I feel like it hasn't even been 3 months and she is expecting too much from me ... feel like this is the consequences of an affair? Did I make a mistake .. we have been doing so well, should I have left it alone????


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Your wife had an affair, trust has to be earned. Transparency is one way to start earning trust. If your wife has any doubt then I strongly suggest she goes to a pro marriage councillor, in the interim both go to the Marriage Builder or Affaircare sites and review the processes to recover the marriage. Scan my previouse posts there are links therein to these sites including links to the questionairs both of you should go through.

My friend do not misunderstand the seriousness and effort to recover your marriage.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## NOT SURE (Dec 19, 2010)

I do not think that what you are asking is too much or wrong. I would want the same thing. I agree she does need a place to go to, but with that being said she needs to repect you and your feelings as well.


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## jamesa (Oct 22, 2010)

Eli-Zor said:


> Your wife had an affair, trust has to be earned. Transparency is one way to start earning trust. If your wife has any doubt then I strongly suggest she goes to a pro marriage councillor, in the interim both go to the Marriage Builder or Affaircare sites and review the processes to recover the marriage. Scan my previouse posts there are links therein to these sites including links to the questionairs both of you should go through.
> 
> My friend do not misunderstand the seriousness and effort to recover your marriage.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Ditto. She has no right to a place she calls her own as she has proven that she can't be trusted there. She is asking for permission to carry on messing around. You will be doing no-one any favours by saying yes. Keep pushing for complete transparency.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

klab0001 said:


> I then said that if she does not want to close her FB account will she give me her password. W got upset with me because she feels that I am not trusting her and that she needs a "place" to call her own. And by asking for stuff like this I am pushing her away. I feel like it hasn't even been 3 months and she is expecting too much from me ... feel like this is the consequences of an affair? Did I make a mistake .. we have been doing so well, should I have left it alone????


You did not make a mistake. Too bad for her that she can't have a secret way to contact that guy.

That said, you may want to consider installing a keylogger on her computer for a time instead of getting the FB password.

Why?

Because she can have a "vanilla" FB account that is sweet as can be and have secret one that she uses for screwing around.

If you do put a keylogger on the computer do not tell her you have done it.

Trust? No. Verify for awhile then maybe trust.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

michzz said:


> You did not make a mistake. Too bad for her that she can't have a secret way to contact that guy.
> 
> That said, you may want to consider installing a keylogger on her computer for a time instead of getting the FB password.
> 
> ...


Doesn't a keylogger system get picked up by antivirus software ???


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## Workingitout (Sep 27, 2010)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

rome2012 said:


> Doesn't a keylogger system get picked up by antivirus software ???


Not if you as an administrator specifically set up things to ignore it.

You have to be smart.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I agree with everyone else here. Your wife is the one who must now earn your trust again. No more private accounts. She really needs to get rid of FB. However, if she insists on keeping FB, how about doing it as a couple's page? I was speaking with a couple recently that said that worked great for them. It sends a strong message they are a happily married couple, yet allows them to keep up with friends. They share a password, so either has full access all the time.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

michzz said:


> Not if you as an administrator specifically set up things to ignore it.
> 
> You have to be smart.


But my husband is the administrator on his computer....:scratchhead:.....so no chance for me


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Get one of the key ones that fits into a USB port on the back of the computer. It's hardware.


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

Atholk said:


> Get one of the key ones that fits into a USB port on the back of the computer. It's hardware.


But he would see the USB.....

Is there something like keylogger for complete computer idiots ????


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

rome2012 said:


> But my husband is the administrator on his computer....:scratchhead:.....so no chance for me


Can you log in as himself on that pc?

If you can't you might be able to use vnc or remote desktop to monitor things remotely.

You need access for about 15 minutes to set up the kelogger.

Similar amount of time to just enable vnc or remote desktop access.


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## joanne.kent (Dec 18, 2010)

I believe you did the right thing. i gave my husband every password to my email fb even paypal everything.....my husband asked me to close my fb account out i did because thats what i needed to do to save my marriage thats what had to be done...she may feel like you are hounding her, but in all reality you arent. my husband found out i cheated on him at the end of august and we are still in the middle of a lake without paddles so to speak.....it will take time a lot of time....slowly but surely....


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## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

michzz said:


> Can you log in as himself on that pc?
> 
> If you can't you might be able to use vnc or remote desktop to monitor things remotely.
> 
> ...


No...his log in is password protected....

Once in a while he's let our son play the computer by himself, but I'm sure he's more careful now, since the time I found the nude pics of the ******** on his computer because of our son......

Do you guys understand how terrified I am ?!?!?!

I want to know the details....I want to expose with real evidence.....but I'm terrified to get caught before I have the chance to do so....


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

Do you have access to the PC so you can remove the hard drive and clone it then put it back?

Seems difficult, isn't.

There also are ways to scan the internet traffic in and out of your house.

google it.


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