# Scannerguard's Cat Analogy



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Scanner really took some heat for talking about "being on the prowl" as something that a domesticated cat (husband) might like to experience from time to time.

I think most guys are fine with the idea of being strong and taking care of their families, gentle with children, kicking ass in the workplace, etc.

But, I simply wonder if women truly understood how it feels to be desired by the woman you love.... affirming, electric, intense pleasure... then the latent need to "prowl" would be satisfied.

In other words, encourage him to prowl with you.

This key message in this entire forum is that men are - in general - less than pleased with the amount of "desire" coming from their wives. This leads to all sorts of conflict.

We certainly marry for different reasons.

Why is it so bad that men connect with each other and try to a blended approach that makes spouses content?


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Panda,

To borrow from our friend Atholk, "Anything that leads toward less passion, being viewed as a dependent child, and the 'ILYBINILWYA' conversation should be minimized."

Worship between the sheets is a good start, but it can branch out from there

This is in another thread, but the 5 things guys are likely to miss in LTR's that they get while dating are:

Sexual Fulfillment
Companionship/playmate
Domestic Support
Admiration
Attractiveness

Fill up those 5 areas, and most guys would think they have the perfect wife.

If you rate those areas on a scale of 1-5 and come up with a cumulative score of 10 or under? Relationship in serious trouble/high risk of him seeking sex elsewhere.


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Ha ha ha, pat myself, I am doing great in all five areas you mentioned. 

Do I get a prize? 

Oh, wait a minute, my happy and loving husband is my prize.  My own happy life is my prize!


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Does everything have to be about pu$$y?


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Conrad said:


> But, I simply wonder if women truly understood how it feels to be desired by the woman you love.... affirming, electric, intense pleasure... then the latent need to "prowl" would be satisfied.


I completely understand men, just the other day a male friend of mine said to me "...you are such a guy". If my husband didn't take care of my needs for pleasure , I would be just as much on the prowl as these men you speak of. It wouldn't be good. I sympathize with them all.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Pandakiss said:


> so...desire is it more important in the bed room of outside in everyday acts of kindness...


I think like a man, most will say IN THE BEDROOM !! Come on , you know this. If it is there, likely it is everywhere else anyway!


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Scanner really took some heat for talking about "being on the prowl" as something that a domesticated cat (husband) might like to experience from time to time.
> 
> I think most guys are fine with the idea of being strong and taking care of their families, gentle with children, kicking ass in the workplace, etc.
> 
> ...


Actually, Scanner was saying that even the most content of cat will want to prowl. So affirmation and warm fuzzies does little to squash that desire. 

I don't see the correlation between men connecting with one another and content spouses. What Scanner was saying was allow your husband to go out and roam. The implication being that all husbands want to see what else is out there, sexually and partner wise. My take away from that isn't two best friends reconnecting over a game of darts. It is a husband who yearns to cheat or wistfully wishes for someone else. Again, that was my take away. Hence the reason I gave him hell.

As I said in Scanner's post, feel free to go out and prowl. Just don't expect food in the bowl and a clean litter box, or the locks to remain the same.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Brennan,

The "need to go out and roam" will be greatly diminished if desire is present at home.

That's actually the point I'm making.


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Conrad said:


> Brennan,
> 
> The "need to go out and roam" will be greatly diminished if desire is present at home.
> 
> That's actually the point I'm making.


I totally agree with this 100% :iagree: If not, most are more than vulnerable.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Conrad,
Well, I cannot bring up his original post but I do remember me questioning that if all is well on the homefront, does a man still feel the need to roam? Scanner came back with some sort of a biological issue, if you will. He also minced words but in essence said that all men feel the need to roam and that any woman who does not understand/allow it is wrong. Again, don't remember the ENTIRE context but that was my takeaway.
Scanner latter talked about going away with his son and any woman who didn't understand that as "roaming" was wrong. There is nothing and I mean nothing wrong with wanting alone time with your child. 
His original statement changed a bit as he was getting heat. Originally (as I perceived it) was more about playing the field and a cat will always come home and a woman/cat owner should understand this. He later changed his stance to make it more pleasing to us women but didn't fool many. Not me at least. If my memory also serves me correct, he stated that most men feel this way....the grass being greener, if you will. If we as wives don't allow our husbands to explore this, then WE are in the wrong. 
That is when I posted that if my "cat" wants to go out and roam and pursue other things, then don't expect a full food bowl, a clean litter box or any ability to get back inside. Cats are darn smart, at least my 3 are. They wander around in the backyard but do not hop the fence. They just hang around, basking in the sunlight and cannot wait for my husband or I to come home to let them inside. My dogs however are different. They spend all day trying to find a way to tunnel and dig. If they ever got out, I doubt they would know their way back home. My cats just look at them like they are idiots. Cats are in many ways, smarter than men. They know a good thing when they have it. **wink**


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

The most content of cat will prowl...it doesn't matter what you do to a man that wants to prowl, he will do so. That's Brennan's point and it's a good one. Commitment has to stand for something and if the man is like this particular cat it won't matter what you do, he will eventually prowl.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I totally agree with this 100% :iagree: If not, most are more than vulnerable.


What about women? If emotional needs aren't being met is the same true do you think?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Trenton, as usual, knocks it out of the park. If you have a cat who sits inside licking windows yearning to be "free", there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. All the petting and loving, clean water dish and fresh food won't do a darn thing to keep the cat happy.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Brennan said:


> Trenton, as usual, knocks it out of the park. If you have a cat who sits inside licking windows yearning to be "free", there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. All the petting and loving, clean water dish and fresh food won't do a darn thing to keep the cat happy.


Depends on how smokin' hot the lovin' is.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Conrad,
What if it is requires a fire department? I am the higher sex drive partner. I guess I am odd in a sense. 
Having said that though, as I have posted, I have recently found out that after years of denying looking and masturbating to other women, guess what....he does. I always thought that he was weird for not and eventually believed him. To say that when he finally admitted it, hurt is a total understatement. I mean years ago I thought he did, totally expected it, etc. etc. It's NORMAL. He lied and lied and kept it for years. Now? He is in his Mr. Honesty phase and his brain dump is a little more than I can bear. 
Now this higher sex drive chick is left wondering if he just doesn't have the same drive as me or if he is licking windows wishing to be out there. It sucks and it is painful. He tells me (of course) no, but he has also told me for years so many other things. Accckkkk! Again, it sucks.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Scanner is a little behind the times. As can be seen by many post here, women get restless too.. The timing may be different, it is a gradual development of boredom and a longing for something different. Men are constantly desiring change women slowly come to the same place, but it takes maybe 5 to 7 years. 

Women are cheating at almost the same rate as men and it's increasing at every survey done. The numbers for men are not increasing so, the number for women is fast approaching that of men. There is so much about sexless marriages; do you ever notice that the possibility of the wife cheating almost never occurs to the man? Yet the chances are that at lest 40% that are cheating is involved. Men are blind to the phenominum of sexual boredom of women in long- term relationships, it is too much of a blow to an ego so centered on sex. The stats are that cheating women get away with it more frequently than men. In fact, genetic test show that in about 15 % of familes, kids are not the product of the husband, however he never suspects. 

I think it is difficult for men to accept the new reality, some men are still so focused on looking outside of their marriage and demanding penis worship from their wives that they don't see that the wife is bored of the outsized expectations and pressure and are interviewing other men for the role of fresh penis to worship. I can tell you there is no shortage of single and married men that are willing to be sex objects or the next long-term partner for a married women. It's almost as if there is a challenge to get a women who is already taken. 

I think it's an ego boost to men to claim exclusive prowling rights in an attempt to control their wife. It's kind of funny to read these post, they are so transparent - scare tactics "if you don't worship your man's penis he will cheat". If these tactics are effective how do the following factors fit into the male penchant to roam and fear in the hearts and minds of women- the stats indicate that wives are still not giving sex on demand; more marriages than ever, upwards of 20%, are sexless; more women are cheating, and 70% of divorces are initiated by women. I think the cat is toothless. 

. I am not crowing about prowling rights of women, although, the biologic imperative would seem to support a woman losing sexual interest and seeking biologic diversity for their ofspring, but i don't believe we behave like dogs in sexual behavior any more than we do it any other human behavior. Its a convient dodge for lack of self-control. 

My husband is a good guy and is not focused on his needs alone in our relationship. We are both employed and we both have the oppurtunity to cheat and, as far as I know, he is not and he can say the same for me. But things can change, it just takes meeting a person with a strong enough attraction, close contact and a willingness of both people, to take it up a notch. We are working on our relationship and when I was unhappy, I had crushes on men that I worked with, some stronger than other. When I feel that old feeling comming on, I cut back talking to the person except when necessary. But, it is very difficult when I am not happy. I am certain that my husband has the same feelings. I remain committed and faithful because I chose to be out of respect and compassion for the man I love. I could not hurt him for a little pleasure, when or if it ever happens I will be up front and get out af the relationship with my husband. 

I hope my husband feels the same, but there is no garentee. My feeling is that it is good that both partners need to be concerned that they might have to deal with cheating, no one thinks that they can use it as leverage and are more willing to meet the needs of the other in a mutual attempt at prevention. Most smart men are too worried about their wives straying and would not dare play the cheating card to get penis worship - she is likely to flip him off and find another new and better penis to heap affection on. Besides who is having sex with all of the men who cheat? If you think it's all the women are single, you would be wrong.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Brennan said:


> Trenton, as usual, knocks it out of the park. If you have a cat who sits inside licking windows yearning to be "free", there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. All the petting and loving, clean water dish and fresh food won't do a darn thing to keep the cat happy.


How are you and yours powering through? Been thinking of you and hoping that your absence meant you've been doing great!


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Scanner is a little behind the times. As can be seen by many post here, women get restless too.. The timing may be different, it is a gradual development of boredom and a longing for something different. Men are constantly desiring change women slowly come to the same place, but it takes maybe 5 to 7 years.
> 
> Women are cheating at almost the same rate as men and it's increasing at every survey done. The numbers for men are not increasing so, the number for women is fast approaching that of men. There is so much about sexless marriages; do you ever notice that the possibility of the wife cheating almost never occurs to the man? Yet the chances are that at lest 40% that are cheating is involved. Men are blind to the phenominum of sexual boredom of women in long- term relationships, it is too much of a blow to an ego so centered on sex. The stats are that cheating women get away with it more frequently than men. In fact, genetic test show that in about 15 % of familes, kids are not the product of the husband, however he never suspects.
> 
> ...


Many valid, valid points.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

The level of misinterpretation here is breathtaking.


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Conrad said:


> The level of misinterpretation here is breathtaking.


We try our best to take your breath away.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Just amazing that the mark could be missed by so wide a margin, followed by a hallelujah chorus.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Conrad said:


> The level of misinterpretation here is breathtaking.


Will you respond to my post either public or private. I am not sure if your comment meant my post or not. I am struggling myself. Coming to gripes with "honesty" if you will. :scratchhead:


----------



## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Just amazing that the mark could be missed by so wide a margin, followed by a hallelujah chorus.


Ah, the chorus means nothing. I hope you understand that. It wasn't your post that was offensive, it was Scanners. What's scary about your post was your desire to rationalize Scanners. At least that's what I'm singing off key about.


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Brennan said:


> Will you respond to my post either public or private. I am not sure if your comment meant my post or not. I am struggling myself. Coming to gripes with "honesty" if you will. :scratchhead:


Sorry I wasn't more clear.

Your pain wasn't the subject of my comment.

It was the summary of "penis worship" - as if that's all men are about, and as if that's all this forum is about.

I do feel badly about what's happening with you. Honesty is a path to a better place. But, that new road is bumpy for sure.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Sorry if what I said about penis worship was offensive it was a bad attempt at humor and mostly directed at the cat prowling thing. I know most profoundly that for most men in a loving relationship sex is the major way of connecting emotionally. I donot take that lightly, I have hurt my husband with out realizing it for 2 yrs by having sex infrequently and expecting him to get over it. I have seen the light and I know now how he felt. I said penis worship - but I joke with him and tell him I worship his junk mor than him. I could not have joked like that with him before. In a light happy way it is a kind of loving of him through the symbol of his manhood. I think that is a good way in my mind to think because for a long time I loved him in spite of his penis. 

For a man, that is not love it borders on hating him. It would be like him telling me he loved me in spite of the fact that I need affection and verbal communication. If he felt that way i would feel his love was empty. That is how men probably feel when women don't understand the vital importance of sex in a loving relationship. 

So if any women read the post, please keep in mind that it is tongue-in-cheek (somewhat) and how important it is to love him and what he desires to do with his male appendage (especially that). Lighten up and enjoy what you have if he finds you sexually attractive, think of how you would feel if he did not. Just for the celebration of his desire, jump his azzz when he comes home (put kids to bed) and give him a good workout - I tell my husband just to relax don't think about anything but how good you feel just let go this is just for you (well not you so much but your male appendage that I am worshiping). He does things just for me too, he always has but i did not see it before now. Now that makes life worth living!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Catherine602,

My husband read your post, he thinks that you are a smart woman and your posts are very well written. 

I get lost quite often here on TAM since the culture is different and English is not my first language, and the stuff we discuss here is deep.

I have to try very hard to follow!!!


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Pandakiss said:


> SA, you did not have to point out that harsh truth:rofl:
> 
> and i was just thinking thee samething..why do men get a free pass because they are bored, lonely, miserable, and in need of new and fresh...


 Without even reading what Scanner said about the Cat - where is this post anyway? 

My thoughts on men getting MORE of a pass is this- They generally have MORE TESTOSTERONE, and unless you are a man, you will not FEEL what they FEEL but for these guys with HIGHER levels, I do believe it takes alot MORE for them to fight these "urges" -especially if lacking at home (in comparison to lower test guys & most women). Testosterone has a ROAMING effect, a Competition/Conquering effect, desiring lusty variety is normal. And since men generally have ALOT more of this hormone surging through their bodies, it is also easier for them to separate Sex (a release) from Love. 

Noone on here will argue that women GENERALLY have a harder time separating the two & that is because we have less testosterone in our bodies & other hormones are more paramount for us. We are generally not compelled to conquer, roam & have LUST on our minds every couple minutes. We look for other ways to be fullfilled- this is usually emotional in nature. 

I've read in at least one of my Marraige books (written by a Rabbi even) that generally it is more SERIOUS when a woman cheats -as often this involves her heart / emotions , in 
comparison to a man -as many times for him, it may be purely for physical release & little else. (I am not excusing it, just comparing it) 




Pandakiss said:


> i just wanted to put it out there, we can flip it on you....im not starting s*it..i wanted to show women are in the same mind set..we would always say...if a man get outta line, drop him where you found him, and wait 10 minutes...there will be another one...guarenteed...
> 
> no mot all women think like this..but the few i knew we did...i dont have that same mentality today...but it seems men never leave that tyoe of thinking behind....
> 
> why????


 I agree women can have this same mindset. Anyone who is not being treated with love / affection / intimacy at home IS capable, but many are resolved to be Faithful until death. Our vows, deep morals, Patience, Hope, abounding love, these things can restrain us. Unfortunetly not everyone is this strong or patient to endure faithfully. If someone's love language is Physical touch, I think it would be even harder to restrain. Just my personal opionion. 

I do not think ALL MEN are like that either. My husband has never wanted to roam, never once in 28 yrs of being with him. He is content as content can be, never a hint of it. I have more a roaming mindset than him (but only these last 2 years & I KNOW my test levels went haywire - so this is why I feel strongly about all of this hormonal talk, it hits home FOR ME). And I know my husband is a lower test guy, always has been, so it all makes sense.


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

greenpearl said:


> Catherine602,
> 
> My husband read your post, he thinks that you are a smart woman and your posts are very well written.
> 
> ...


Thank you Greenpearl - English may not be your first language but I get a kick out of your post I always read them thru. Some I agree some no but I love to read what you have to say. And I love the light hearted way you relate to your husband. My husband and I have had problems in the past and lately it is like we are starting over. I feel light hearted towards him the way I felt when we were dating and it seems to have turned him back into the man I fell in love with. He is away for two days and I am worried can't sleep so I am posting. The wheather is really bad and I live in Lexington KY. I can't believe how much snow and how cold it is. Looking forwards to reading more of your post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> Thank you Greenpearl - English may not be your first language but I get a kick out of your post I always read them thru. Some I agree some no but I love to read what you have to say. And I love the light hearted way you relate to your husband. My husband and I have had problems in the past and lately it is like we are starting over. I feel light hearted towards him the way I felt when we were dating and it seems to have turned him back into the man I fell in love with. He is away for two days and I am worried can't sleep so I am posting. The wheather is really bad and I live in Lexington KY. I can't believe how much snow and how cold it is. Looking forwards to reading more of your post.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


  

I am almost done with my sex posts. Feels like I am writing the same thing again often. I have to do more reading about wisdom stuff so I can put the wisdom I read from books into my posts!  

I don't like the feeling of being away from my loving husband, for seven years, we haven't been away for a single day, it is our bless. One time he went to a different city just for half a day, I was worried sick, I didn't like it. 

I like snow, I haven't seen snow in five years. It snows in my hometown, when it snows, the trees and mountains really look beautiful. It doesn't snow in Taiwan. My husband and I both like the weather here. 

We are going to Canada very soon, I am going to see my husband's hometown ( my dreamland ) again, I am looking forward to it. My mother-in-law finds me amazing that I like snow so much. They want me to go there in summer, but I want to go there in winter.


----------

