# Wedding Rings



## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Do you still look at your weddings rings the same? Did you get new ones after the affair?


----------



## mule kick (Apr 10, 2012)

I returned the one I had just bought my wife for our 10th anniversary. The diamond from the original was traded in for it so that part is gone for good, as it should be I guess. Marriages come and go. Divorce lasts forever.


----------



## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

asia said:


> Do you still look at your weddings rings the same? Did you get new ones after the affair?


We never wore wedding rings. But after we re-committed after my revenge EA near PA we got wedding rings.


----------



## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Regret still wears hers. She said that she does it because she didn't wear them when she met up with the xOM.

I bought a new one.

I still think of the old one.


----------



## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

mule kick said:


> I returned the one I had just bought my wife for our 10th anniversary. The diamond from the original was traded in for it so that part is gone for good, as it should be I guess. Marriages come and go. Divorce lasts forever.


Thats kinda dark.


----------



## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Still wear them. WW says she never took hers off at all. (I know, right?) We reconfirmed our vows at a church marriage retreat and now we have silver rings for the other hand. Do I look at them the same? Of course not. But I don't look at my marriages the same. I don't look at my wife the same. I don't look at my life the same. But I'm still married, I still love my wife and I'm still alive. So I still wear my ring.


----------



## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I threw mine away.


----------



## jupiter13 (Jun 8, 2012)

I took WH off as he wore it during his encounters. That ring I put on the finger of the man who before God promised to uphold our wedding vows as I did. He has no right to wear it.

I should have been more attentive my ring knew the marriage was broken. I lost the main diamond and his PA started the next day. Even though he replaced the diamond with a new, up graded one, it still represents broken promises and dead dreams. I wore it for a while but it does not sparkle anymore it is a dead ring. I know this sounds off the wall but some how that ring reflects the marriage that we had. Our marriage is null and void. For right now they can remain in a box, bottom draw, in the rear.


----------



## Overthemoon88 (Jan 10, 2013)

I stopped wearing my wedding ring a few years before H's LTA started. Mainly due to the fact that, about that time, I had chronic eczema and I really couldn't wear any form of jewelry. I remember H being not too happy that I don't wear that ring and (looking back that bleeding hypocrisy of it all!!!) he says he NEVER takes off his. I do try to wear it though when I go on holidays to predominantly Muslim countries, more to deter unwanted attention.

After the A came out in the open, amongst the paper evidence I gathered, I found photos of H and OW. Surprise, surprise ... H without the wedding ring on. 

2 months after the bombshell, on a longhaul flight back to see family for Christmas, we stopped by in this ME city for our connecting flight. Booked into the airport hotel for a nite's sleep. To cut the story short, I lost my wedding ring there. Did it break my heart ?? No .... Nothing else could break my heart anymore after the betrayal. Also, I took it as an omen about the state of our M. Do I want a replacement ring ?? Absolutely not. We are trying to R at this point in time. I do not want a reminder of the M we had which was full of lies and deceit.

Ah well ......


----------



## LRgirl (Apr 9, 2013)

asia said:


> Do you still look at your weddings rings the same? Did you get new ones after the affair?


My wedding ring has been removed from time to time, but in the end my H got the original wedding rings blessed by our priest.

I have considered new rings, but what's the point without new vows to go with?

x


----------



## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My husband "lost" his wedding ring, supposedly at work somewhere, about 4 months before DD1. What I wouldn't discover until years later is that he lost it only days prior to his ONS and while he was also having a sexting affair with a coworker. I'll never know what actually happened to his ring, only that he became so careless with it because he'd become so careless with our marriage. During the 2+ years of False R, H mentioned replacing his wedding ring several times. But, typically, he was all intention and no action and never actually bought a new one. 

About 3 months ago, I took off my rings to wash my hands a the hospital and apparently left them sitting on the counter. When I noticed and went back, they were gone. I wasn't sad about losing my wedding band per se, it was more that I was upset at losing a lovely and valuable custom made piece of jewelry. 

So, neither H nor I have our wedding bands anymore. I now wear a sterling triple band ring on the ring finger of each hand. I guess it looks like a wedding band at first glance, but there's no such meaning behind it.


----------



## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

I have not worn mine in a very long time and only once since DD.


----------



## 38m3kids (Sep 29, 2011)

Often a cause of conflict with me and my FWW. It has been almost 3 years since dday and that ring was thrown against the wall so hard it became an oval shape instead of a round shape. I haven't refused rings, but i just havent felt the desire to go get new ones. Sad now, but im used to looking at my empty finger, it now feels normal.


----------



## Hurtin_Still (Oct 3, 2011)

....I never took off my wedding ring ....ever ....from the day it went on my finger until just a few years ago, (even after my wife's ONS). Then I had some surgery and a nurse lubed up my finger and yanked the thing off ....only to not be able to get it back on again (because of 26 yrs of weight gain). I have it somewhere, and will eventually put it back on ...but I'm in a serious "re-invent myself stage" now (as prescribed by my therapist) ...and intend to wear it again when the 2nd 40lbs come off my body....perhaps by the fall of this year.

...it does mean a lot to me ....I am a hopeless romantic, and I'm still very much in love with my wife ...and would like to again have a visible symbol of marital commitment on my hand.


----------



## FourtyPlus (Dec 18, 2011)

Lost the diamond in my wedding ring while doing laundry and replaced it with 6 banded puzzle ring my husband gave me. I don't remember ever taking it off other than for kneading bread of a few times when I had swollen fingers. After the EA, my husband had mine name tattooed on his ring finger (he stopped wearing his ring when he gained weight). I'm a whimp when it comes to pain and I pass out when I see needles. He didn't "force" me but I felt obligated to get his name tattooed on my ring finger. It hurt a lot, I almost passed out and it's something I don't ever want to do again. It looks ugly and I hated it for a long time. I know it made my husband happy, it gave him reassurance and I think he felt better knowing that his name was tattooed on my finger - kind of like an ownership thing or re-claiming me. It's forever!


----------



## badbane (Jun 9, 2012)

Honestly i lost my wedding ring a long time ago. I just don't put stock in a ring of precious metal. My cultures have different traditions about marriage and frankly it is just a tradition. My wife doen't like me not having one but, imo if you need an expensive piece of jewelry to remind you that you love or are attached to someone then that is a problem in and of itself. My wife doesn't like it but guess who had the ea.


----------



## Poppy (Mar 14, 2012)

I am not wearing mine. Been on and off my finger so many times, I realized I hate what it represents. He never took his off, but I remember him taking it off and looking at the large indentation often. I asked him how he could have sex with 12+ women and wear it? Horrible. He is upset I'm not wearing mine and he said maybe he should take his off. I said yeah why don't you? Never meant anything anyway. Mine did and that's why I can't wear it. That ring was placed on a bible and blessed in front of all our friends and family with our vows. He broke them all. And my heart. My ring brings me pain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

I look at her ring and think "where did you put it when you went and fvcked your "ex"? But we've added to it, changed it, and re-taken vows since then. I bought a new one at the same time she had hers re-done (I couldn't afford her $7000 ring and my $1300 ring at the same time). She adores her ring, the big diamond shines SO nicely, and she loves the white gold. It's the nicest present anyone has ever given her, ever. I think I am the nicest present,  but it's the same thing. 

So yeah, we wear the rings because they include the whole better or worse thing. YMMV...


----------



## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I’ve haven’t worn mine since the False-R. We are still together three years later (4 since DD#1). It does bother her a lot. Yet for me the ring was a symbol of her vow she made to me. The non-wearing is just as symbolic for me as that ring ever was. It is a reminder and I do not take the empty space on that finger for granted (and neither does she). 

Now I have thought about doing a redesign to them (they were custom to start with) and adding some intentional imperfection to resize them. Adding something that she and I know about and what it symbolizes so it won’t be taken for granted again like a rough chunk of iron to break an otherwise flawless circle of sculpted platinum. Our jeweler used dental tools to create a integrate 3 dimensional vine like pattern in the band, so something added would look ‘out of place’ but hold meaning to us.


----------



## moto (Jan 24, 2013)

I don't have any rings anymore. 

On D-day about 5 years after the EA& PA took place, I took the rings and put them in my vise on my work bench and smashed them with a hammer. Yes I know, it's was a bit over board, but it better than taking it out on her! I just wanted to make a statement 

I was not thinking clearly at that point in time (who is?) and still to this day, I am glad (a bit) that I took the rings and smashed them. It's because she had a EA & PA for 3 months then ended it just weeks before we got married. And almost the entire wedding party (8 people) including the wedding planner!!! knew of the affair, but myself and my best man and one other girl. 

All I think about is everyone knew about the PA when I said "I do" that's worst day of my life when I look back on it. So that why I crushed the rings! maybe one day I'll create a thread when I have a great deal time to explain it. I just wanted to share my ring story.

great thread!


----------



## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

When I asked WH to remove his ring after DD, he said "I was asked to take this off, but I never would" and he still wears it, but has mentioned that he would like a new one when we renew our vows. I have never removed mine, because I NEVER STOPPED BEING MARRIED, he did. The difference is, I've been married for eight years; he's been married for seven.


----------



## Troubled13 (Apr 30, 2013)

Threw mine on the highway. He did the same with his. They were improvised rings anyway, we still didnt have the big wedding, just a very small ceremony, legally binding.


----------



## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

My ex husband had the center stone in mine reset and gave it to his ex wife, who he has since remarried.


----------



## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

moto said:


> I don't have any rings anymore.
> 
> On D-day about 5 years after the EA& PA took place, I took the rings and put them in my vise on my work bench and smashed them with a hammer. Yes I know, it's was a bit over board, but it better than taking it out on her! I just wanted to make a statement
> 
> ...


Holy shı†!


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

Shortly before Dday I had an allergic reaction and my hand swelled up. It was so bad I had to have my ring cut off. I haven't bothered to have it repaired yet. It sits broken in a box in my sock drawer. Maybe when I feel our marriage is repaired I will repair the ring.


----------



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

I have about 60 or so days left till divorce finalized. Keeping my ring on until then. Not sure why, but I feel like its the honorable thing that I can do for myself...so I can say that I was committed til the end...even when my wife wasn't. Sound stupid? Not sure what I'm going to do with the ring..as I am going to have some bad associations regarding it of course...but I'm ambivilant 'cos it is a family ring. Oh well. My wife's ring, I'm certain she plans on selling it. The lousy thing is that we just bought her a new one barely a few months ago...and then all of this happens...so now she has two rings to sell [Insert curse word.]


----------



## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

FormerSelf said:


> I have about 60 or so days left till divorce finalized. Keeping my ring on until then. Not sure why, but I feel like its the honorable thing that I can do for myself...so I can say that I was committed til the end...even when my wife wasn't. Sound stupid? Not sure what I'm going to do with the ring..as I am going to have some bad associations regarding it of course...but I'm ambivilant 'cos it is a family ring. Oh well. My wife's ring, I'm certain she plans on selling it. The lousy thing is that we just bought her a new one barely a few months ago...and then all of this happens...so now she has two rings to sell [Insert curse word.]


You should ask for one back as part of the settlement. :smthumbup:


----------



## LittleMiss13 (Mar 7, 2012)

I took my wedding ring off the night I found out about my husband's affair. Fast forward to 3 years later. My husband wrote me the most amazing letter, something he had never done in our 26 years of marriage, telling me all the things that I needed to hear. It was at this very moment that I felt that the roller coaster ride had come to a stop and all the sadness and hurt that I felt inside had finally lifted. That night, I took my wedding ring out of its box and placed it on his nightstand. While laying in bed, I asked him to place my wedding ring back on my left finger. It has been there ever since. Although it was a very hard road for me, reconciliation can really happen if both parties work really, really hard. Do I still have triggers? Sure, I do! It took me over 3 years to get to a good place and I got there because I received the sign that I was asking for (the handwritten letter). As always, I wish everyone the very best in getting through these difficult and hard times that affairs cause.


----------



## russell28 (Apr 17, 2013)

I still wear mine.. I tossed it behind a dresser during the split, but found it and put it on when I decide to give R a shot. She stopped wearing hers during the affair, claiming it hurt her finger... I bought a new one, and she claims someone stole it, probably pawned it and used the cash to pay for a motel room...... This last one she had been wearing for a few months before I caught her. I'd like to think it was one of the signs she was showing a renewed interest, but for all I know it was just her not wanting to fight the battle anymore and she was taking it off and putting it back on to go to work...


----------



## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

LittleMiss13 said:


> I took my wedding ring off the night I found out about my husband's affair. Fast forward to 3 years later. My husband wrote me the most amazing letter, something he had never done in our 26 years of marriage, telling me all the things that I needed to hear. It was at this very moment that I felt that the roller coaster ride had come to a stop and all the sadness and hurt that I felt inside had finally lifted. That night, I took my wedding ring out of its box and placed it on his nightstand. While laying in bed, I asked him to place my wedding ring back on my left finger. It has been there ever since. Although it was a very hard road for me, reconciliation can really happen if both parties work really, really hard. Do I still have triggers? Sure, I do! It took me over 3 years to get to a good place and I got there because I received the sign that I was asking for (the handwritten letter). As always, I wish everyone the very best in getting through these difficult and hard times that affairs cause.


That is great news!! Happy to hear it working out so well. 26 years is a long time and good to see you guys were able to pull through these nightmares.


----------



## LetDownNTX (Oct 4, 2012)

russell28 said:


> I still wear mine.. I tossed it behind a dresser during the split, but found it and put it on when I decide to give R a shot. She stopped wearing hers during the affair, claiming it hurt her finger... I bought a new one, and she claims someone stole it, probably pawned it and used the cash to pay for a motel room...... This last one she had been wearing for a few months before I caught her. I'd like to think it was one of the signs she was showing a renewed interest, but for all I know it was just her not wanting to fight the battle anymore and she was taking it off and putting it back on to go to work...


I know thats an uncomfortable feeling. I lost mine in the river the year before I found out WH was cheating. It wasnt until a couple of Christmas's ago that he bought me another one. I have worn it since, thinking we were in R. Egg in my face! HA! Now I put it on and take it off and honestly it means NOTHING to me. He still doesnt wear one. When I talk to him about it he says he will if I buy him one but I really dont have the desire to buy him one knowing that the last was probably tossed during his affair.


----------



## FormerSelf (Apr 21, 2013)

LetDownNTX said:


> Now I put it on and take it off and honestly it means NOTHING to me.


That's exactly how I feel...I have been taking mine off in practice, knowing that it just around the corner...and I feel nothing. But still, my own personal thing to wear it til finalization...I just recall how important it was to me to express my commitment by keep it on these 16 years. I wonder how long it takes for a ring mark to go away...or will it always be there?


----------



## Squeakr (May 1, 2013)

I never took mine off for the 14 years we had been married prior to D-Day. After D-Day, I have maybe worn it for about 4 months, the rest of the time it has been off (as have hers, she didn't want to remove it but I asked her to out of at least a little respect for me and what she had done to our marriage). The ring mark is completely gone now, and one would never even know. 

I am contemplating selling the rings to just get some money back out of them, as they honestly mean nothing anymore.


----------



## ScorchedEarth (Mar 5, 2013)

I lost my original one years ago (omen?) and wore my diamond ring instead (the bands were purchased overseas). Eventually replaced it, but now I don't really wear either. I treat them as fashion accessories more than signs of a marital union. Having a kid and cleaning up all the time, I get away with using the excuse of always having to take them off to clean up/wash up. 

I took WH's ring away and he cried like a baby. I don't know why. The ring obviously meant nothing to him when he was at the strip clubs, bars, with his wh0res, etc. so I couldn't understand the attachment. Oddly enough, he hardly ever wore his ring for years, then suddenly he did. Right around the time the affairs (that I know of) started. 

Strange bird.

Anyway, he has proposed to me with a new band... needless to stay, it's still in the box.


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

asia said:


> Did you get new ones after the affair?


If that happened, a new ring? No. A new wife? Most definitely.


----------

