# Getting over it



## V_Wolfe (May 21, 2012)

A few months ago my husband and I decided to end our marriage. There wasn't any cheating going on or anything dramatic like that.We were fighting a lot and realized we are too different to get along in a marriage/living together situation.It was getting to the point where we almost hated each other for our differences. 

The tough part of the situation is we are coworkers and remain friends. It hasn't been awkward at all up to this point because we truly love and care for each other we just can't be together. 

But he has started dating someone exclusively.We've been separated for less than a year. 

I can't help but feel jealous. To his face I'm still friendly and there to listen and support him but inside I want to tell him i wasn't expecting him to move on so fast.I want him to be happy but it still hurts to see him jump into someone elses bed so quickly.

How do you get around this feeling? How can you be truly happy for an ex without feeling that possessive jealousy thing at all?


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

V,

Time. Time is what it will take. I'm sure both of you knew that this would be a possibility.

There is a link here on TAM somewhere for the 180 that you may find helpful. The process is one that prepares you to be able to move on in a case like this. Other than working together, is there any reason to keep contact? Sometimes in cases like this a clean break may be better


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## Wanting1 (Apr 26, 2012)

I would be looking for another job.


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## J'Accused (May 12, 2012)

Im sorry but this is the problem with women, and I dislike using generalizations, but in the same post you say "almosted hated each other" now you have buyers remorse that he has found someone else, maybe you gave up on the marriage too quick? This is why divorce should only be the last option, it is too readily available, when 9 times out of 10 the woman isnt "happy" life is hard marriage is harder you have to work on it and want it, and theirs no "getting around" feelings you have to process them and its hard, sounds like avoidance has been an issue in your marriage and maybe he checked out of your marriage before you realized.


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

V_Wolfe -- your reaction is quite normal and human. I agree with Toffer and Wanting -- first off, it's just going to take time. Secondly, it wouldn't hurt to work somewhere else.

As far as people who want to use your very human emotional reaction as a way to beat you up for your decision? Yeah. You don't need that, so don't even go there.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Distance yourself ...physically at first, and eventually emotionally. That is how you cut the ties.


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## V_Wolfe (May 21, 2012)

J'Accused said:


> Im sorry but this is the problem with women, and I dislike using generalizations, but in the same post you say "almosted hated each other" now you have buyers remorse that he has found someone else, maybe you gave up on the marriage too quick? This is why divorce should only be the last option, it is too readily available, when 9 times out of 10 the woman isnt "happy" life is hard marriage is harder you have to work on it and want it, and theirs no "getting around" feelings you have to process them and its hard, sounds like avoidance has been an issue in your marriage and maybe he checked out of your marriage before you realized.


Where did I say I had "buyers remorse" ??? I do not regret our separation. Who said *I* was the one who wasn't happy? We were BOTH unhappy because of our extreme differences. 

We went to therapy for YEARS. no one made any hasty decisions and we didn't take our separation lightly. 

But I AM allowed to feel hurt that he has moved on. From what I have been told by numerous people, this reaction is perfectly natural. 

Please don't take your bitterness out on me. Thank you.


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