# resentment and trust



## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

Last year my husband betrayed me financially. It doesn't sound like much but it was a huge thing. I am still feeling a lot of resentment. I had to clean up his mess with my good credit. He lied for a year straight about our money and large purchases. Into the 20,000 dollar range. I don't trust him at all with any money and its stressful being in charge. I gave him a little freedom and he bounced 3 checks. I am so depressed and miserable.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

For me, financial infidelity is just as serious as sexual infidelity. It is a breach of trust.

Are you considering divorce or do you want to try to work on the marriage?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

idk . I tried to kick him out twice and each time asked him back. But with him here im miserable keeping track of his every move


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

i dont have alot of people in my corner either, ppl just say "oh but hes so nice and a good guy you can get through it" that makes me mad too


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

So you're just not sure what you want to do?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

yea. Its hard to leave financially i think and of course the kiddos. But im miserable more than happy.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Have you tried counseling?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

not yet. Im not confident anything would change but we could try it.


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

i do see a therapist by myself


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

What does she advise you to do about the financial issue?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

to leave. I forgot to mention that the money he took was promised to someone (my dad) who lent us the money to close on our house and he still spent it and i had to lie to my own dad and cover it up by withdrawing from my retirement acct. 3000 dollars


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

britchic80 said:


> to leave. I forgot to mention that the money he took was promised to someone (my dad) who lent us the money to close on our house and he still spent it and i had to lie to my own dad and cover it up by withdrawing from my retirement acct. 3000 dollars


It is not your job to cover for your husband. Lying to your dad to cover for your husband is codependent behavior and it damages your relationship with your father to lie to him. You should go to him, tell him the truth, and apologize. Telling someone about something that happened to you is not violating your husband.


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

I just don't know what to do in my marriage
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

You said your therapist recommended you leave him?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

Ya at least separate and she pointed out that I let him get away with it without any punishment
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

britchic80 said:


> Ya at least separate and she pointed out that I let him get away with it without any punishment
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What did you think of that?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

all i know is i am not happy but i worry about finances. I tried to leave him once and missed him and let him back and now im miserable again. Im scared of being like this forever.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

It looks like you will need to change something.

How old are your kids? Do you have a job that you can support yourself and them on?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

they are 5 and 2. Last time i went to split up he offered child support and i have a government job so i am ok


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would divorce. But that is just me. I need financial peace of mind. I just don't think I would have it if I had a husband like yours.


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

britchic80 said:


> Last year my husband betrayed me financially. It doesn't sound like much but it was a huge thing. I am still feeling a lot of resentment. I had to clean up his mess with my good credit. He lied for a year straight about our money and large purchases. Into the 20,000 dollar range. I don't trust him at all with any money and its stressful being in charge. I gave him a little freedom and he bounced 3 checks. I am so depressed and miserable.


Where is the money going? Is he out buying bass boats or silly luxuries or has the money been used to sustain a lifestyle that cant be afforded?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

nothings been happening lately because i took over all of the finances and have to baby sit the money essentially. It all started when we were supposed to get a 5,000 tax return and he said we lost it to the government due to something from the past. It made no sense but i trusted him. Then he wants to talk to me about this car he wants which looks like a super deal so i say go ahead and get it. He leaves out the fact that he signed on for A 23% INTEREST RATE. Mind you i have excellent credit and could have bought it. Anyway, he confessed that we didn't actually owe the government anything he just wanted to take the money to out down on the car so i thought he got a better deal on it. Meanwhile we owe my dad 3,000 he graciously loaned us to close on our house and HE KNEW THATs WHAT THE MONEY WAS FOR and spent it anyway. It was a year ago and there hasnt been too many problems since but i am still so livid about it and angry. Its been over a year


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

I would be livid, too. No wonder your counselor is advising you to leave him.


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

Many of my friends root for him bnelieve it or not" Hes so nice just give him a chance" so annoying


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

i think i may see how counseling works out and then go from there


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He lies to you to get his way; you lie to your dad to bail husband out and don't give a rat's patoot if the money owed to him is going to cause him inconvenience. You're coming off just as selfish as your husband.

And, you won't do what your therapist suggests so stop wasting *that* money. As for all your friends saying to give him a chance because he's so nice/cute/whatever - who cares because they're not married to the immature lying snot.


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

thank you blondilocks for real that was good to hear. Truth is im scared as hell. I did make sure my dad was paid back but no excuse.


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## Basic"FairyDust"Love (Nov 19, 2014)

britchic80 said:


> nothings been happening lately because i took over all of the finances and have to baby sit the money essentially. It all started when we were supposed to get a 5,000 tax return and he said we lost it to the government due to something from the past. It made no sense but i trusted him. Then he wants to talk to me about this car he wants which looks like a super deal so i say go ahead and get it. He leaves out the fact that he signed on for A 23% INTEREST RATE. Mind you i have excellent credit and could have bought it. Anyway, he confessed that we didn't actually owe the government anything he just wanted to take the money to out down on the car so i thought he got a better deal on it. Meanwhile we owe my dad 3,000 he graciously loaned us to close on our house and HE KNEW THATs WHAT THE MONEY WAS FOR and spent it anyway. It was a year ago and there hasnt been too many problems since but i am still so livid about it and angry. Its been over a year


Finances in a marriage should always be transparent especially with large amounts of money being spent or saved.

You should have seen official proof of the tax return and where the money was going. You also should have been with him when he was buying the car. 

If money was owed to your father then why was your husband buying a car anyway? Was the car a necessity?


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

he lied about the actual price so i would agree that it was affordable


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## britchic80 (Dec 18, 2014)

I think im gonna throw him out


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