# One Way Street



## TFT (Jul 4, 2011)

Ok...I don't know if I am being hypersensitive but I often feel so lonely. I have been married to my husband for almost four years; we’ve been together for nine years. I recently had twins and have been home for eight months. My husband works two jobs to take care of the household finances so he is often out of the home. Being home with my kids is great but I can’t wait for my husband go get home in the evening to get some adult contact. Whenever he gets home however he is tired. He likes to unwind by watching ESPN or some other sports show. He helps a great deal with the girls but makes no time for “quality time” with me. He sometimes goes out after work with her colleagues and sometimes hangs out with his brother and/or his friends on the weekend. Whenever he has free time or we leave the kids at grandma for a night, he never uses the time to take me to the movies, dinner, a show, or just plain old spend quality time with me. He is usually “too tired” to do anything or go anywhere. I ask for his attention but he just doesn't get it. HELP I don't know what to do and I am tired and frustrated with him. What can I do?


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

It sounds like he just doesn't have any empathy for you. And probably the romance has left the marriage since you both are really busy. I work a lot so I can understand that you're H would want to come home and kind of zone out. My H usually does the same but we're just really busy people. I do think your H needs to make more time for you but he might just feel a little overwhelmed, as I'm sure you do. 

I used to try and change my H but that never worked for me. I usually ended up worse off then before. So although I can see that your H needs to change, I don't think its good to keep putting your energy in that direction if its not working. If you have told him how you feel, what you need, and he doesn't respond it is better to try and find another way to help yourself. 

Do you have other people you can go out with to have a good time? Relying solely on your H for that emotional outlet can be deleterious to the marriage. Maybe you can find a group of moms to hang out with. You could join a gym. many gyms have daycares so you could get a break and some exercise, plus maybe meet other moms through workout classes.


----------



## TFT (Jul 4, 2011)

I am new to this so forgive me if I respond in the wrong box. 

Stritle and Blanca. I appreciate your feedback. Both suggestions are very helpful. Blanca you couldn't be more right when you say "I used to try and change my H but that never worked for me. I usually ended up worse off then before." So I am better off changing my perspective and approach. Thanks


----------



## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

TFT said:


> I am better off changing my perspective and approach. Thanks


Yes, you are but watch your resentment in the process. Remind yourself that its only hurting you and get rid of it!


----------



## meson (May 19, 2011)

TFT said:


> I am new to this so forgive me if I respond in the wrong box.
> 
> Stritle and Blanca. I appreciate your feedback. Both suggestions are very helpful. Blanca you couldn't be more right when you say "I used to try and change my H but that never worked for me. I usually ended up worse off then before." So I am better off changing my perspective and approach. Thanks


Don't do stuff to try to change him. Do stuff so that he as fun with you and wants to do fun stuff with you even more! This will break the impasse.


----------



## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Those early years with babies are really hard. I felt trapped at home while my husband worked insane hours to support us. What I did was work to make my own mommy friends. With twins there has got to be a support system for you somewhere or a new moms group maybe.

You have one thing that I don't have though and that's a willing grandma. I suggest you let her watch the kids while YOU do something you want to do. Ask your husband to join you and if he doesn't want to ask a friend or go alone. Don't wait for him just do it.


----------



## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

What sports does he like? Become a fan, and you will have something to talk about.


----------

