# 1st year of marriage



## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

Married couples - how many of you had a difficult first year of marriage?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Ours was mostly wonderful. Three months in we got a unexpected surprise. That surprise is in college and just purchased her first car.  Overall, our first year was wonderful. Has been that way for many years.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Marriage changes nothing.

What your relationship was prior, is what it will be going forward.

My relationship was great prior to marriage so you know the answer on my end.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Not a nightmare but more than a challenge.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

DoF said:


> Marriage changes nothing.
> 
> What your relationship was prior, is what it will be going forward.
> 
> My relationship was great prior to marriage so you know the answer on my end.


Yes and no. My wife and I did not live together before marriage. There was no "trying it out". One day I said "I do." Next day I have a new housemate. So yes, there was a change for both of us.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Not for us. It was great (as far as I can remember - it was 36 years ago!).


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Yeswecan said:


> Ours was mostly wonderful. Three months in we got a unexpected surprise. That surprise is in college and just purchased her first car.  Overall, our first year was wonderful. Has been that way for many years.


We were so happy to finally realize our dream of marrying... we talked about it for years...we had one minor challenge.. .his fully penetrating me (hurt like hell & he was a gentle man).... we got pregnant before that happened (at 3 months)...

My step Mom was calling our 1st son the immaculate conception.. just a crazy situation ..It was awfully embarrassing visiting the Obgyn over this...we can look back & laugh now...but at the time... I was thinking..."This is absolutely ridiculous! "... we kept working at it.. and 5 months into the pregnancy.. was our break-through.. we went out & celebrated !

Having our son near our 1 yr anniversary...it was pure heaven - we felt we had it all...we enjoyed him so much...we wanted to do it all over again....then we ran into not being able to conceive...this was the hardest time for me.. but my husband was a Saint, there for me in every way, through those years.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My wife and I have been together over two years and the butterflies, rainbows and little tinglies are there every time I think of her, and I feel the excitement building inside every day on my way home from work. The feelings just keep getting stronger as time goes by.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Yeswecan said:


> Yes and no. My wife and I did not live together before marriage. There was no "trying it out". One day I said "I do." Next day I have a new housemate. So yes, there was a change for both of us.


I'm sorry to hear


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## Anonymous07 (Aug 4, 2012)

magnolia2014 said:


> Married couples - how many of you had a difficult first year of marriage?


Sadly, my first year of marriage was a nightmare and I know I'm pretty alone in that area. My husband and I had a great dating/engaged life(3 years long), but everything changed after marriage, starting on our honeymoon(!). It was a disaster.  There were moments of happiness, but for the most part things were bad. My husband denied me sex, pushed me away, blamed me for almost everything, and was completely unsupportive. We unexpectedly got pregnant after only being married for 3 months and my husband blamed me. Then he'd call me lazy(1st trimester tiredness) and wasn't very loving. I basically went through the pregnancy alone. I hated him at the time! My first year of marriage was nothing like I expected it to be. 

It's been another year and things have gotten better, but we still have a ways to go. Looking back at my first year of marriage, I want to cry. He admits to being very stupid and has apologized many times, but the damage was done and now we're just trying to pick up the pieces. Hoping to get back to where we were before we got married and have a good marriage from here on out.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

My wife got pregnant on our honeymoon. Not planned, but not protected against. We knew we were going to try for kids right away, just didn't expect THAT right away.

Even through pregnancy though it was still wonderful. I didn't choose "butterflies etc." because that's just the new love feeling etc. My wife and I had something deeper and more choice driven. It's only gotten better since. (this is speaking of my successful marriage) (my unsuccessful marriage was a nightmare)


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

DoF said:


> Marriage changes nothing.
> 
> What your relationship was prior, is what it will be going forward.
> 
> My relationship was great prior to marriage so you know the answer on my end.


i completely disagree. the future of our relationships has very little to do with the history of our relationships.

at one year, marriage was a nightmare. at six years, marriage is a freaking awesome adventure movie with popcorn, 3d special effects, and plenty of rainbows and butterflies. oh, and unicorns... 

seriously though, my relationship now is nothing like what it was for the first two years.


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## magnolia2014 (Aug 29, 2014)

Anonymous07 said:


> Sadly, my first year of marriage was a nightmare and I know I'm pretty alone in that area. My husband and I had a great dating/engaged life(3 years long), but everything changed after marriage, starting on our honeymoon(!). It was a disaster.  There were moments of happiness, but for the most part things were bad. My husband denied me sex, pushed me away, blamed me for almost everything, and was completely unsupportive. We unexpectedly got pregnant after only being married for 3 months and my husband blamed me. Then he'd call me lazy(1st trimester tiredness) and wasn't very loving. I basically went through the pregnancy alone. I hated him at the time! My first year of marriage was nothing like I expected it to be.
> 
> It's been another year and things have gotten better, but we still have a ways to go. He admits to being very stupid and has apologized many times, but the damage was done and now we're just trying to pick up the pieces.


Wow! I am so sorry to hear this. But, Kudos to you for sticking in there! If things are better this year than last then next year will probably be better than this year. 

Our first year, well... it's only been 5 months, has not been a nightmare, but has definitely been challenging at times. He has children and I do not so it's been difficult blending. I'm happy to say most of the time I get along very well with the kids, but we have had our problems... but we're working on them and things are getting better in this department every day. 

I have known my H for 4 years, dated/engaged for 3 and we're still learning each other. I think that's the biggest thing I'm learning, is that there is still so much to learn about this man I love.  Sometimes he confuses me on his actions and REactions but I know it will just take time to understand him. I just need to sit back and enjoy the ride.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

DoF said:


> Marriage changes nothing.
> 
> What your relationship was prior, is what it will be going forward.
> 
> My relationship was great prior to marriage so you know the answer on my end.


Oh, this is SO not true...if only.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Challenging.

My wife and I had been together 8 years prior to marriage, and were best friends for 5 years prior to that. We spent half of our relationship long distance and even when we lived in the same state we didn't see one another daily. We never lived together, never shared lives, nothing like that; we lived very separate lives. Unlike most of our friends, who were essentially playing house before they wed, our marriages was about as "old school" as you possibly could get, an entirely different beast for us than simply signing a document, eating some cake and heading back to the life we lived the day before. 

Marrying divergent lives, including her getting accustomed to living in metropolis, was a huge challenge.

Still, there the highs far eclipses the lows. And ultimately we were better for the challenges we faced.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

DoF said:


> Marriage changes nothing.


An untold number would disagree. Vehemently.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

It falls into nightmare catagory.

We were both in our 30's, so we were not daft kids. We had been through our marriage preparation course and found we were very compatible. We had lived together and generally split tasks, while at the sametime understanding it was unlikely to be 50:50.

Two things ruined things. A lot of the conversations we had had were like a Mum talking to a four-year-old in the supermarket. It is not worth having the argument about what you will do tomorrow, so you placte the child and will explain why they are being unreasonable later.

My unreasonable demands would have been:
- financial contribution
- sexual relationship
- kids
- help with the housework

Once we were married she felt I should realise that she could not get the job she wanted, so the first was not an option. Secondly, despite what had been said, once a month or two was fine and pressurising for sexual contact after six months of nothing was rapey, kids were not practical as we were not getting on and she was not working, and that as our realtionshiop was not sexual and she was not working, housework would make her nothing but a drudge.

I continued to work non-stop to make ends meet and she lost all sense of gratitude, not just to me but life in general. At this point, many people will mention depression and I will reply with a big "F-off". She claimed that, but was still motivated for things that interested her. I was diagnosed as severely depressed (I had been working 80 hours a week in teh run up to the marriage and had been expecting to be able to take a break), but had to keep going.

After a year, she came up to monthly with the sex, started to help clean up after herself, and felt hard done by. She then moved back to the USA and thought I would appreciate her contribution without her. Instead, I realise how little she did and she is starting to realise how much she relied on me.

No "Sit her down and..." would have worked on a woman who genuinely believed she was contributing hugely and I was irrational.


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

Ugh, my marriage was not great at all for the first 2.5 - 3 years. My husband had a lot of growing up to do. We didn't live together until we got married, so I didn't get to see his bull$hit ways until then.

Since then, our relationship has been much better. But it was rough in the beginning.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

Mr The Other said:


> No "Sit her down and..." would have worked on a woman who genuinely believed she was contributing hugely and I was irrational.


sit her down and...

lay out some consequences for not meeting expectations! then follow through. why worry about ending a marriage that is not fulfilling you on any level anyway? she will either get on board or you will leave port and find someone else.

it *DOES* work, because either option is a change worth having.


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