# Sex during separation?



## Irish (Jun 15, 2010)

Good idea, or bad idea??

:scratchhead:


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

With your spouse or some one else???


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Our marriage therapist says that any positive interaction is a good one - so sex should be a good thing.

Have to admit that the fact that my wife is still coming to me for sex is probably one of the few "good signs" that I'm seeing right now. In other words, if she wasn't coming to me, I'd be really wondering how she was getting that particular need met.


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## Irish (Jun 15, 2010)

With my spouse....

will it confuse things? I am not sure that we will actually reconcile, so I don't want to "play games"...


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

Well I probably could write a book on this subject and I am only going into the 6th week of our separation.


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## Irish (Jun 15, 2010)

If you don't mind me asking, how have you handled it? What do you think works better?


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## finallyseewhy (May 1, 2010)

me any my H have a almost 'too extreme' connection when it comes to sexually things. We have had mini sessions several times the last 6 weeks they have been great and some have been an emotional wreck(well really only once) all I can say is don't get confused between what it is and isn't. Most likely if he is a guy it is sex and that is it. Most women connect sex to more and I am included in that. We had an amazing session where we made love several times and then 3 days later he told me he just didn't think he could love me again and I felt as if I was going to die inside. I know the last 2 days my H has brought up several times being together again even after if we end up getting divorced!!! I know tomorrow when he comes over he is probably planning on it happening and I am really on the fence. I love being with him that way like I said we have a very strong connection in that department but we are at a turning point right now and I just don't know. Also we have been very affectionate at times in other ways and to be honest that has been harder. All I can say is really precede with caution and expect NOTHING from it other then fulling each others temporary needs.


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## cami (Jun 13, 2010)

Well, don't know if this is right or wrong but here goes. 

One of my H's complaints was that I was too conservative in the bedroom. When I really looked at this, I found that I could agree with him. So I told him this and told him that I had been getting in to his bookmarks and hoped he didn't mind that. He didn't mind, but wanted to know what the heck I was doing in them out of curiosity. I told him that I had been viewing some of his racier sites that he hit once in a while and giving myself an education.

So we continued the conversation. We teased, tormented and basically made each other miserable. So we ended up in bed and trying some of my newfound education. BUT before we did end up there, he made it very clear that sex would not make him come home. He would not base the decision on sex....he would not be forced into it or feel guilty because he had sex with his wife because sex is sex it is not life.

He also made it clear that he has no intention of sleeping with anyone else while we are still legally married out of respect. He asked if I could accept these terms. 

Here's what I decided and why. I decided I could. Why? Well, I feel a closeness with him in the bedroom that I don't feel at any other point in my life, anywhere with anyone. I see it in his eyes. I see it in his face, I feel it in his body. I KNOW that he is thinking only of me and only of us. We have been seperated only 3 weeks at this point. I NEED that closeness. I NEED to see his eyes close and look deep into his soul and understand that he does still care, that he does still want to be my friend. That he needs me at that moment as much as I need him.

I also do not feel that I will ever go looking for anyone else if this does not work out. I can't see it. He is all I ever wanted and more. So I dont feel like I am betraying myself either. I am letting my H, the man I love, admire, respect and want to spend my life with comfort me and offer me closeness.

AND we ARE still married. Sex cannot solve the problem, but it can bring a closeness that is not offered any other way in the world. Being close means that we talk, we listen, we hear and we offer ourselves in a way that opens us up to love. We are still husband and wife no matter that we are seperated. Period.


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## brokenhearted1 (Apr 19, 2010)

I am going through the same thing. We have been separated for almost 3 months now.. I have to make myself think as well it is just sex no matter how much I still love him. Sex is more passionate now since we are separated. I can't explain it. Maybe that was something we were lacking we do have three kids one that just turned 2 so maybe he felt neglected or not important who knows.. :-( maybe that was why he left. We did have sex but it was not the easiest to find alone time for each other. The intimacy is very important to me I do not want to be with anyone else he still is my husband so I would rather share those feelings with him. I know that sex will not bring him home or change his mind about me I guess right now it satisfies both our needs and that is how I have to look at it. I know there are people that would not agree but after being with someone for over 20 years of your life it is very difficult to just shut off your feelings totally.


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## Irish (Jun 15, 2010)

It's difficult because I was the one who primarily wanted the separation. I am not ready in any way for him to come back home for good.

I let him spend the night last night and I don't think it confused anything. He seems much happier not living with me and the kids. Somewhat sad, but at the same time, we are only experiencing the "best" of what our relationship is anymore. We don't fight when we talk on the phone, we each get to do things "our" way and set our own priorities. His are still very much what they were when we were still living in the same house. I feel like I have branched out a bit and have understood that my life now doesn't have to be what it was when we were still together. 

I am thinking sex is ok as long as you aren't using it as a bargaining chip or it is preventing you from moving on.....


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## Viper2 (Jun 21, 2010)

I have the same thing going on with a twist. My wife still attends different outings with me. The sex is good (to little) but still seems to confuse things. One minute she is ready to go through with it the next she's not. Does anyone have any experiance with narcissism?


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## Viper2 (Jun 21, 2010)

:scratchhead:


Viper2 said:


> I have the same thing going on with a twist. My wife still attends different outings with me. The sex is good (to little) but still seems to confuse things. One minute she is ready to go through with it the next she's not. Does anyone have any experiance with narcissism?


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## amanda1959 (Mar 29, 2010)

me too...the sex was good but now I am left confused? I don't want sex with anyone else right now but I am seperating from my husband because he abused our relationship...


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## Viper2 (Jun 21, 2010)

So what do you do? I miss her and when I do see her I melt. I have always felt the sex was much more than physical. The closeness was a primary motivator for me. Dont get me wrong I enjoyed the physical as well. At times I feel like I dont want to see her because I know the pain starts all over again. This is good we argue like any normal couple. I still dont really know why! Its not other man I'm very sure of that. It seems to stem from other relationships she had over 11 years ago. I have tried to talk with her and I can never get an answer. Where do you go with something like that?


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