# going from feeling numb to feeling regret?



## LostConfused

i don't understand how anybody can have an amicable divorce especially if it was a horrible marriage. 

yes sometimes when it's a volatile marriage like mine divorce is the only relief to all the abuse but i can't imagine being friends with him after all those times that there was pain and emotional/verbal/sometimes physical abuse by him. 

now i just feel numb towards him, wanting a better life. i wasn't like this before but after years of the same psychotic stuff, the numbness hit and i just won't take it anymore. after trying everything in my power to improve myself and make it better, it didn't get better

i'm just scared that feeling of loneliness(or is it depression that i'm feeling) will lead to feeling regret  is that what's coming?


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## Scannerguard

It all depends I guess. I have to say I don't feel regret too often, maybe 1-5% of the emotion I have. 

Like I'll give you an example. I was lamenting the other day how often women run from men with kids when dating. . .make it pretty clear on their internet dating profiles. 

So, I sit there and find it ironic that I left her for lack of intimacy only to find it more of a challenge to find that intimacy I never had.

In that, I always do lecture people that divorce is rarely a "cure" for marital woes. You kind of trade on set of problems for another. Still, after 20 months of separation and 3 months of divorce, I can't say I feel regret too much.

Good luck.


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## LostConfused

Scannerguard said:


> It all depends I guess. I have to say I don't feel regret too often, maybe 1-5% of the emotion I have.
> 
> Like I'll give you an example. I was lamenting the other day how often women run from men with kids when dating. . .make it pretty clear on their internet dating profiles.
> 
> So, I sit there and find it ironic that I left her for lack of intimacy only to find it more of a challenge to find that intimacy I never had.
> 
> *In that, I always do lecture people that divorce is rarely a "cure" for marital woes. You kind of trade on set of problems for another. Still, after 20 months of separation and 3 months of divorce, I can't say I feel regret too much.*
> 
> Good luck.


i was never for divorce though ever, but i never thought my marriage would be this bad. i always felt that when you're married anything can be worked on but right now after improving myself so much, it just seems like my spouse was never seeing any of his flaws and never felt the need to try to improve them. he was never open to marriage counseling it was like all should be forgiven and he's been used to me always forgiving him doing all these horrible things. 

what you said in bold is what scares me and what kept me from going towards divorce before as bad as it got. i did love him that's why i forgave but if you constantly forgive somebody would they ever realize that they need to even try to improve

so i guess we just need to get pally with our solitude. it's better than being scared of the person you're married to, atleast in my case.

thank you for your advice/help, it helped a lot


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