# May be old, but still would like sex



## Elijah (Oct 21, 2015)

My wife in 71; I'm 69. She had an affair probably 25 years ago;; it's long been forgiven and forgotten. But she has (and admit it) she has no libido or interest in sex at all. I've got diabetes, so it is difficult to get an erectioni. The only way I can orgasm with her is if she performs oral sex on me.

I'd like to masturbate but she's very uptight about that, saying it is not fair to her. She did one time tell me she would not blame me for doing it, but I get the ultimate guilties when I do. 

Anybody have suggestion?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Masturbate..... if she guilts you, tell her to stop it.

You also might want to find a marriage counselor who is a sex therapist. As we age, sex becomes different. A sex therapist could help the two of you discover new/better ways of handling this.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Her stance on masturbation is a strange one. She doesnt want to have sex with you or no desire to but expects you not to touch yourself....is she this selfish in other parts of your marriage?
My suggestion is to do to your body whatever you want to.


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

Have you tried any of the ED meds (viagra, Cialis, etc)? That should help with the ED.

If you come up with a solution for the ED, is she up for having more regular sex?

And I can't see how you masturbating is not "fair to her" if she has no real interest in sex. And she has recently said she wouldn't blame you if you did? Maybe time for a discussion about this with her, as it has gotten in your head and made you feel guilty over something there is nothing to feel guilty about.


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## Elijah (Oct 21, 2015)

Have tried the ED drugs, but they don't work for me. Besides, how do I know when to take them since she never gives any advance notice she is interested? The only time I know is if I am rubbing her butt and she starts clenching it. That's her signal she wants me. She will accept me masturbating her; she used to let me perform cunnilingus on her but she rejects that now. Yes, she is selfish in other areas of her life. And yes, there have been other men (before we married in 1971) who "used" her, so she's got some psychological hang-ups.

I do like to read porn stories and view some video online both of which help me stay hard when she will do me.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Elijah said:


> My wife in 71; I'm 69. She had an affair probably 25 years ago;; it's long been forgiven and forgotten. But she has (and admit it) she has no libido or interest in sex at all. I've got diabetes, so it is difficult to get an erectioni. The only way I can orgasm with her is if she performs oral sex on me.
> 
> I'd like to masturbate but she's very uptight about that, saying it is not fair to her. She did one time tell me she would not blame me for doing it, but I get the ultimate guilties when I do.
> 
> *Anybody have suggestion?*


Yep. Masturbate. If she has a problem w/ it, tell her that it's none of her business.

Oh, and that she's free to f*ck herself as well.


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## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

GusPolinski said:


> Yep. Masturbate. If she has a problem w/ it, tell her that it's none of her business.
> 
> Oh, and that she's free to f*ck herself as well.




It truly is none of her business. It's your body and you can provide yourself with sexual release if she is too selfish to help you with this.

Hell yeah, she can go Fock herself in more ways than one...Sheesh!

Bibi


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

In what way is you masturbating not fair to her, considering she doesn't want sex? I'd give her a choice....a right of first refusal so to speak. She can say no to sex, OR she can say no to masturbating. But not both. Her choice is one or the other.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Elijah said:


> My wife in 71; I'm 69.
> 
> .... she has no libido or interest in sex at all. I've got diabetes, so it is difficult to get an erectioni. *The only way I can orgasm with her is if she performs oral sex on me.*
> 
> ...





Elijah said:


> Have tried the ED drugs, but they don't work for me.
> 
> ....She will accept me masturbating her; she used to let me perform cunnilingus on her but she rejects that now. Yes, she is selfish in other areas of her life.
> 
> ....she's got some psychological hang-ups....


I would really echo the comment urging you and your wife to go to a sex therapist. Her becoming more rigid in regards to receiving oral is not a good sign. She needs to understand that her actions have long term consequences.

A sex therapist can help the two of you communicate your problems and desires to each other, set boundaries with each other, and provide you with things the two of you might try that will be acceptable to both. Going to a sex therapist isn't a sign that either one of you is broken and needs to be fixed. It is a sign that the two of you have drifted to a place with respect to each other where new compromises need to be discussed and explored.

Good luck to you.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Wife is 71, I am 68, wife has no interest in sex....Duty sex about every 6 weeks. 

I can perform several times a day, but her stand on masturbation is the same as your wife's...She will actually sneak and try to catch me.....Then tells me about it...I have a 60" TV in my bedroom and plan to hook it up to the internet and go 24 hour porn...Just to get her reaction...She doesn't even like me to watched 'Botched"....

Good luck brother...


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Elijah said:


> My wife in 71; I'm 69. She had an affair probably 25 years ago;; it's long been forgiven and forgotten. But she has (and admit it) she has no libido or interest in sex at all. I've got diabetes, so it is difficult to get an erectioni. The only way I can orgasm with her is if she performs oral sex on me.
> 
> I'd like to masturbate but she's very uptight about that, saying it is not fair to her. She did one time tell me she would not blame me for doing it, but I get the ultimate guilties when I do.
> 
> Anybody have suggestion?



You can buy male hollow strap on with harness. Your wifee can rid you as long as she wants and you never make a mess or go limp. This site is just one example of many of all the toys you both can buy to use together and on each other.

100 Strap-Ons You'll Love | TheAdultToyShop.com


If she has no sex drive, she should go to her family doctor and they'll prescribe meds to bring her hormones back to normal and her sex drive will return.


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## Elijah (Oct 21, 2015)

*Nix the therapist*

There's no way she'll go that route; whatever the problems are, according to her, she's "gotten over" hers, but I "still have issues."

She did go to her OB/GYN and get a hormone injection when we took a cruise in 2007, but I couldn't tell much difference and it didn't last. Nothing seems to get her horny; she avoids reading material that has explicit descriptions of sex. Even something sexual on TV she avoids or tunes out of. She says she enjoys cuddling with m e, is always "cautious" because she doesn't trust me.

Add to that, because of the infrequency of sex, I find it almost impossible to achieve an erection, even while masturbating. I can get hard if we are in discussion about the issue but it never last longer than about a minute. When she does fondle me prior to fellatio, its not fully hard.

Thanks for all your advice and support. I think I'll probably jerk off when I please and worry about the consequences afterward.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

*Re: Nix the therapist*



Elijah said:


> There's no way she'll go that route; whatever the problems are, according to her, she's "gotten over" hers, but I "still have issues."
> 
> She did go to her OB/GYN and get a hormone injection when we took a cruise in 2007, but I couldn't tell much difference and it didn't last. Nothing seems to get her horny; she avoids reading material that has explicit descriptions of sex. Even something sexual on TV she avoids or tunes out of. She says she enjoys cuddling with m e, is always "cautious" because she doesn't trust me.
> 
> ...


Consequences? Please.

Any "consequences" that can't be handled by a couple of Kleenex are your wife's problem, not yours.


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## Elijah (Oct 21, 2015)

*Re: Nix the therapist*

Yeah, but if she finds out or suspects, then it is hell to pay. At times it almost seems lik God Himself doesn't want me to, since usually within 24 hours something comes up that throws us into a yelling, screaming argument.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

*Re: Nix the therapist*



Elijah said:


> Yeah, but if she finds out or suspects, then it is hell to pay. At times it almost seems lik God Himself doesn't want me to, since usually within 24 hours something comes up that throws us into a yelling, screaming argument.


Why do you think she does these things? it's about control. You have to learn not to care if she gets upset. Thats her problem. Once she figures out that you could care less if she gets mad she will stop getting mad. 

I used to do all kinds of stuff to avoid pissing off my wife. Guess what, it just encouraged her to continue getting pissed off to get her way. I used to avoid arguing with her, it just made it worse. 

I finally had enough of it and started sticking up for myself. I started not caring if she was going to get pissed off. if we had a disagreement I would state my position, tell her that is how I felt and move on. She would get mad and I would continue on like she never even got mad in the first place. 

The next time she catches you masturbating simply explain that "if you want to help then by all means lets go. If you have no interest in being intimate with me, you gave up your options to tell me what to do with myself, it doesn't affect you". Then walk away, don't get mad or act sad or beat down, smile the entire discussion. I sometimes end it by saying something like "I'm thirsty would you like something to drink while I'm in the kitchen" and walk away with no emotion.

Since I stopped caring if she got mad she has stopped getting mad a lot of the time. It was about getting her way!

I almost forgot, stop getting into yelling and screaming arguments with her. Always stay calm never scream at her and inform her that if she wants to have a polite discussion you would happy to, but I will not accept you screaming at me. End the discussion and walk away until she can discuss it calmly.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Woodchuck said:


> Wife is 71, I am 68, wife has no interest in sex....Duty sex about every 6 weeks.
> 
> I can perform several times a day, but her stand on masturbation is the same as your wife's...She will actually sneak and try to catch me.....Then tells me about it...I have a 60" TV in my bedroom and plan to hook it up to the internet and go 24 hour porn...Just to get her reaction...She doesn't even like me to watched 'Botched"....
> 
> Good luck brother...


If you do that you have to document her reaction and share it!

OP, I don't like my husband to masturbate, either. But the reason I don't like it is because I want sex every day and if he masturbates, I might not get sex. I have no problem with him masturbating when we cannot be together for some reason, though. 

I asked that he not masturbate when I am available for sex and he's agreed to that. I don't feel guilty because, according to him, he masturbated a lot when single and when he was separated from me due to work, so he's kinda over it anyways. And he'd rather have partner sex because it's more pleasurable (more intense and prolonged orgasm) than going solo.

Your wife isn't interested in sex and she doesn't seem to want to make herself available for sex, so I agree with the others. Masturbate and don't feel guilty. 

Tell her she has two choices. She can accept you masturbate and shut up about it because you will no longer tolerate her bullpucky or she can make herself available for sex, without complaining, when you feel the need.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

When my wife realized I masturbated she said she wanted to save all my orgasms for her.

I told her that unless she wanted to meet my sexual needs (2-3 times a week) then I'll just continue masturbating like I had for the past 50 years.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

I have always had a higher sex drive than the wife and it was very frustrating for many years. Not a lot of sex, she just wasn't interested that often and I had to sneak around
to masturbate. Something we worked out several years ago that has worked really great for both us, took some getting used to though. I work a lot from home and she works away from the house,
I had too much time alone!

What we agreed on and have stayed with for probably the last 10 years, I never masturbate alone or when she is gone. I save it for when she is here, she lays on the bed with me and we kiss etc.
and I do the deed. That way, IF she wants sex, I am ready, if she doesn't want sex, I get to relief myself. It was difficult and somewhat embarrassing in the beginning, but it has worked well for us.

Basically, I ask before doing it and she nearly always is ok with it or we have sex. Pretty good system I would say.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

woodyh said:


> I have always had a higher sex drive than the wife and it was very frustrating for many years. Not a lot of sex, she just wasn't interested that often and I had to sneak around
> to masturbate. Something we worked out several years ago that has worked really great for both us, took some getting used to though. I work a lot from home and she works away from the house,
> I had too much time alone!
> 
> ...


DUDE.....Honey can I touch it now? Seems pretty lame...


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

At your age I'd do what I wanted. P*ss on her.


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## woodyh (Oct 23, 2015)

Woodchuck,

Your are right, probably a little lame. But I enjoy doing it with her instead of by myself. She has controlled how much sex we have ever since we got married. She used to give me sex sometimes without
being in the mood, but never made it fun. Over the years, we started only having full sex if she wants it, rarely when I do. If I want it and she doesn't, I masturbate. Works for me, but I know it sounds a little lame.


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