# Found condom in husbands trunk!



## boss_lady973 (Jul 16, 2017)

To start off, my husband and I have been together for 5 years and next month married 1 year. Most of our relationship has been rocky because of his infidelity. We have 4 children all together, 1 before the relationship and 2 together. He has been hanging out at a "homeboys" house and won't come home until the wee hours of the morning. I found some texts in his phone without a name saved to it, which is a red flag. Then some facebook messages to women that I don't know but they calling each other family and hanging out! I felt uneasy that he has to clean his car whenever I get in which is maybe once every 6 months or more. I am hardly ever in his car. So again, I felt uneasy so something told me to check his car. Didn't find anything in there so I went to the trunk. I found a black hard case that some bluetooth earbuds came in. I picked it up to see what was in it, and 1 condom is in there. Why is there 1 condom hidden in your trunk in this case? We haven't used protection for over 4 years. They aren't single condoms sold so I am pretty sure he has used them. There is no reason to have them anyways! I found one in his middle console last year and he tries to play me like i'm crazy and gave me some crazy excuse. Should I leave him or work it out? I don't think it can be, to be honest. We haven't even been married 1 year and already back at it. I can't be that women who keeps getting done wrong and trying to make it work! It takes 2 to do that and he's not trying to, so I think i'm done!


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Your last two sentences.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If it walks, talks, waddles, smells..... ACTS like a duck, then....


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If perchance he ever tells you that the condom was only there in the car trunk to assist in the fixing of flat tires with ~ well, psst! ~ your "internal bullcrap detector" should be going off rather loudly saying that he's lying to you! *


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

"We have 4 children all together, 1 before the relationship and 2 together."

How did the 4th one get there?


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Why are you surprised at finding a condom hidden in his trunk? You state that most of your relationship has been rocky due to his infidelity. Leopards don't change their spots...

Why did you marry him knowing all this?


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

so you knew he was cheating before you married, and you did it anyway? Now you found condoms in his trunk and you want to know if you should ignore that too? Honestly?


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## boss_lady973 (Jul 16, 2017)

My apologies, we both had 1 child before the relationship!


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## boss_lady973 (Jul 16, 2017)

Pluto2 said:


> so you knew he was cheating before you married, and you did it anyway? Now you found condoms in his trunk and you want to know if you should ignore that too? Honestly?


I ask because before I found this forum, I saw people in similar situations state to find more evidence before saying something. And people, I sure I am not alone have been through things like this and when you think that it's turning over for the better and all will be ok, they still get married. Why people act like they have never went through something before and felt things have changed just to down the line things to go back to the way it was!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

He has a history of cheating. He's clearly cheating now. You have enough information now to leave him.

Do you feel that you have enough information now to leave him? That is the main question.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Well honey, I'm sorry he didn't change. He is still a big cheat.

Go get tested for STDs. Who knows if he uses condoms every time.

You have a difficult road ahead of you as a single mom to 3 kids.
I hope it goes as smooth as possible.

Learn this very difficult lesson...and never again hitch your wagon to a cheater.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Some people say to gather more evidence? How much more do you need than a relationship that has been marred by infidelity? I husband who constantly messages other women? Who would rather spend his evenings with his "homies" than his wife and children? A husband who always has a supply of condoms but never used them with You?

Honestly what more convincing evidence could you be looking for?


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

Cooper said:


> Some people say to gather more evidence? How much more do you need than a relationship that has been marred by infidelity?


To be fair, there are many posts on this board and on other forums saying things to the effect of "Don't say anything. Get a VAR. Download text history. Get hard evidence before proceeding.". He could easily say "I gave a friend a ride to the airport, he must have dropped it." 

Boss lady, it does sound like you have what you need to make a decision but you may not have what you need for legal purposes. Get a legal consultation and then decide if you are ready to move on with your life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

From what she has said here, @boss_lady973, does not have enough evidence for a fault based divorce. She does not need any evidence for a no-fault divorce.

A major question is does she have enough evidence for herself, to prove to herself that he is still cheating...or cheating again.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Boiss_Lady the writing is on the wall, you should never have married this man or had kids with him.
Start getting your ducks in a row, stop sleeping with him and tell him why, get STD tested, you need it.

Get a lawyer, see what your options are, ask him to move out for a separation first. You do not deserve this, he obviously has no boundaries at all and thinks you will just accept it, you do not want to wake up 20 years from now with a man who treats you like **** and takes you for granted, get out now while you can.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

pplwatching said:


> To be fair, there are many posts on this board and on other forums saying things to the effect of "Don't say anything. Get a VAR. Download text history. Get hard evidence before proceeding.". *He could easily say "I gave a friend a ride to the airport, he must have dropped it." *
> 
> Boss lady, it does sound like you have what you need to make a decision but you may not have what you need for legal purposes. Get a legal consultation and then decide if you are ready to move on with your life.


Making a friend ride in the trunk is grounds for divorce in my book.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> Making a friend ride in the trunk is grounds for divorce in my book.


Making a friend ride? Could you clarify? did you misword that?


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Exactly Elegirl. Boss lady you need to plan your divorce and post divorce life. I have aiways maintained on this board and others that this is the first thing a persons who has your concerns do. So, see a lawyer, with the lawyer nail down what the expect outcome will be. Document time and activities both of you individually and together spend will children. Yes the courts have a bias towards women, there is actually a good reason for it. The care of children is the first thing the court looks at. Guess which gender is socialized to do so. So the courts look at child care and women with rose tinted glasses. If you where male I would screaming at you to become a full time dad and make damn sure you clean Half the house and haif the meals. 

Seek IC for yourself to help you heal while you do what I outlined. When you are ready file and read this Exposure 101 - Your Most Powerful Weapon - Marriage Builders® Forums. The reason for exposure in your case is to prevent blame shifting. He is not going to stop cheating on you. He might get another woman but that's it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Making a friend ride? Could you clarify? did you misword that?


The condom was found in the trunk - not the car.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Blondilocks said:


> The condom was found in the trunk - not the car.


I must be slow today... I read "truck", instead of trunk.



Blondilocks said:


> Making a friend ride in the trunk is grounds for divorce in my book.


Yea if the stuffs his friends in the trunk, it's a very bad sign.

Or the condom might have been in the friend's luggage and fell out... makes a good excuse anyway.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Just an idea if you feel that you need more info for yourself.

When I found some condoms in my husband's car (in the trunk by the way), I used a magic marker to put small number on them. I numbered each one consecutively. Then I checked every few days and kept an inventory. I could see that they were being used and replaced. I numbered the replacements.

After a month of this it was clear that he was using the condoms.

You found only one. Had you marked it, you could have seen if it was replaced and when.


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## boss_lady973 (Jul 16, 2017)

I thank you all for the great feedback. I confronted him today and he gave me the same excuse, he used it for a drug test! That he has had it for a while. He thinks I am boo boo the fool. I told him I don't believe him and it's crazy he thinks i'm stupid enough to believe that story. He puts the blame on me stating I have been trying to get out of the relationship and i'm just finding reasons to do so. I told him, i'm not doing it anymore and I will get my affairs in order to make other plans for me and my kids. Again I appreciate the wisdom!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

What does a condom have to do with a drug test?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Does he buy synthetic urine or does he borrow a 'clean' friend's? Wonder how he'd feel about his boss finding out he's been cheating on the tests?


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## threelittlestars (Feb 18, 2016)

Wait... He needs a condom to pass a drug test? And...he even needs to pass a drug test? No, im 420 friendly but i can for sure say if you need to use anything to "pass a drug test" you are not making good decisions in your life. This is not a man to be with...this is a LOSER. 
Leeehew-zeeh'her


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> What does a condom have to do with a drug test?


Fair warning this is crude.
Some women who are subject to random drug tests e.g. on probation or parole will only get twenty four hours notice of a drug test.This is not enough time for certain drugs to leave the system such as marijuana.They will get a friend who is "clean" to supply them with urine or else buy it online and then put some into a condom.They will insert the condom into their vagina after tying the opening and when they take the test they will simply puncture the condom and it appears they are urinating normally.
Men try the same thing except the condom is held in their crotch.
Their are many drawbacks but that's for another thread.


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## pplwatching (Jun 15, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Or the condom might have been in the friend's luggage and fell out... makes a good excuse anyway.


It's kind of bizarre that anyone would even think that a person goes into the trunk with their overnight bag / luggage. Maybe it's an inside joke I don't get?


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

The saying of when there's smoke, there's usually fire seem apropos here. I had my ex fiancè cheat on me as well as the two other women I was in love with after that. After all of that I gave up on monogamy. I saw every boss I had, male and female, cheat. Both of our siblings cheated and divorced. All of our original friends were divorced, some multiple times. No wonder that I structured our marriage to be non monogamous, but not an open marriage. Long story short, wife finds out she is bi. Her best lifelong girlfriend is also bi and her girlfriend had a crush on me so we formed a poly triad that lasted 30 years of our 45 year marriage. Our marriage has been great. Much better than I ever dreamed it could be. Then again when you have sex with two women almost every night, marriage is good. 

I can go into a long thing about jealousy and monogamy not being our natural state. Instead I can provide you with a few links that you may find interesting to understand what is going on and your options. 

Once A Cheater, Always A Cheater? Marriage Therapists Weigh In | HuffPost

Rethinking monogamy today - CNN.com


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Well IF he needs a condom to fill with P to pass a drug test (and I highly suspect BS on that excuse), I'd say you should be running for your life anyway. That's just all flavors of messed up.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

pplwatching said:


> It's kind of bizarre that anyone would even think that a person goes into the trunk with their overnight bag / luggage. Maybe it's an inside joke I don't get?


I'm not sure I understand this post.

Yes it was a joke about someone actually getting into the trunk along side their luggage.

But, the luggage could have been put in the truck, all by itself.


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

It really doesn't matter much if he is cheating or not. He stays with his buddies most nights until the early morning hours. What kind of marriage is that anyway, even without considering the cheating?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Steve1000 said:


> It really doesn't matter much if he is cheating or not. He stays with his buddies most nights until the early morning hours. What kind of marriage is that anyway, even without considering the cheating?


I have a gay friend and she would call guys like this Bromantics.
She told me once the motto of the Bromantics is never leave your buddies behind.😜


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

He's known for being a past cheater, he hangs out with the "homeboys", doesn't come home till the wee hours and takes drugs. 

What makes your mind say "yes, he's the best that I can get" 

You need boundaries and guidelines for yourself and lots of confidence and self esteem building. 

He's a bad husband and a bad role model for the kids. He won't stop, why should he? You've already let him know that there will be no consequences for his behaviour. He's got no motivation to even change, not while you continue to reward his bad behaviour. 



Sent from my F3311 using Tapatalk


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> "We have 4 children all together, 1 before the relationship and 2 together."
> 
> How did the 4th one get there?


I was wondering the same thing! And OP, I think you know what you should do, or want to do. If you knew he was a cheater, how come you married him in the first place?


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> She told me once the motto of the Bromantics is never leave your buddies behind.😜


I think I'll remember that one for awhile....


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## Steve1000 (Nov 25, 2013)

Ursula said:


> I was wondering the same thing! And OP, I think you know what you should do, or want to do. If you knew he was a cheater, how come you married him in the first place?


In all fairness, she wouldn't be the first one who didn't something irrational due to being in love.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

boss_lady973 said:


> I saw people in similar situations state to find more evidence before saying something.


You really need more evidence than a prior extensive history of infidelity, text messages with no name listed, out all night long, and now finding condoms in his truck?

Denial is not just a river in Egypt....


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

So what? Whar does this have to do the price of tea in china. 

Have you contact a lawyer and establish your financial situation post divorce. Do not forget gov. Assistance programs. 

Have you found an IC? 

You are being subjected to DARVO. Look it up, your eyes will pop out pf your head.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

OP, just because the words come out of his mouth does not mean that they are true. Spouses/partners who cheat routinely lie, to your face, and when you confront them with the truth they attempt to make you think you are crazy for even suspecting them. Mine did.
It is common behavior, called gaslighting.

What many of us are trying to say is that from what you have shared it appears you are in a relationship with a serial cheater. You are aware of this fact. If you stay in the relationship it will likely continue. Stay if you wish, but stay with your eyes open. Just know you don't have to stay. It is now your choice, not his.


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