# Is it me? do I worry too much?



## wifeyre (Oct 18, 2013)

Good day, all

I need advise, honestly...
We have a daughter she is now 3 years old and she is aware of things and she can reason. so I do not change clothes or undress infront of her or let her see me take a bath and she is aware of this cause when she sees I'm going to bath she offers to close the bathroom door for me and she seems to adapt to that cause when I bath her she would close the door aswel.

My only worry is that hubby used to walk around naked before we had a child and it seems he wants to do the same thing now. I have tried talking to him but it seems he just doesn't see anything wrong with his daughter seeing his privates. 

He goes to the toilet with the door open, I often have to watch out for when he goes so I can take our daughter away from the bathroom. He walks around in his under wear and I'm talking about the tight ones. He would go to bed naked when he knows that we gonna be sleeping with our daughter that night. I do not allow him to bath with her cause he wants to just undress infront of her. 

Just yesterday I was playing with my child in our bed and the TV from lounge is facing our door cause we normally watch TV from bed. so I noticed my daughter was no longer playing when I checked what got her attention I saw hubby from the TV screen (reflection) he had his willy out , so I told him to go to the bathroom and later confronted him about him being careful cause we have a child around us and he yelled and went to sleep with our daughter in her room.

I love my daughter so much and I don't want her to be seeing things she is not supposed to see.

Please advise


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

What was your husband doing with his **** out in the tv room? That is a little odd.

But stopping your child from seeing nudity will most likely give her body issues later in life.
Nudity is normal. We were all born that way. Seeing your husband or yourself naked should be normal. 

There are a couple of posts about this in this section. I find it really weird that some parents see nudity as a bad thing.

But if your husband had his junk out masturbating....well that is not on. IN fact having his junk out is not on. Walking from the bathroom naked is one thing, but this sounds odd.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

So he's (I'm assuming) masterbaiting in the living room, your daughter sees him, you call him out, so he sleeps with your daughter. Are you worried about more than nudity? Is he intentionally being naked around your daugher?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## wifeyre (Oct 18, 2013)

oddball said:


> What was your husband doing with his **** out in the tv room? That is a little odd.
> 
> But stopping your child from seeing nudity will most likely give her body issues later in life.
> Nudity is normal. We were all born that way. Seeing your husband or yourself naked should be normal.
> ...


I asked him and he said that he felt like his junk wad dry and was putting on vaseline to keep it moist. Im not worried about her seeing other childrens nudity but seeing a grown man's junk? It seriously worries me.


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## wifeyre (Oct 18, 2013)

mablenc said:


> So he's (I'm assuming) masterbaiting in the living room, your daughter sees him, you call him out, so he sleeps with your daughter. Are you worried about more than nudity? Is he intentionally being naked around your daugher?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'm just worried about nudity. I dont know if he intentionally does that but according to it's always a mistake or claim our daughter didn't see anthing!in some situations.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I get being guarded about male nudity in front of her but why hide your own from her? 

He sounds odd to me.I'd be very uncomfortable if my spouse was behaving that way and it would cause me to keep an extremely close eye on my daughter.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

My Dh and I have 4 kids. They have NEVER seen either of us nude. This is a very scary and twisted situation you have with your husband. Give him an ultimatum before it's to late. Your daughter should NOT know what her father's penis looks like.

At 3 your daughter should be in her own bed and bedroom.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

wifeyre said:


> I asked him and he said that he felt like his junk wad dry and was putting on vaseline to keep it moist. Im not worried about her seeing other childrens nudity but seeing a grown man's junk? It seriously worries me.


I'm sorry but, what a load of crap, call him out on the BS. Follow your gut, I have no problem with nudity if that's normal in a home, it's not in mine. But, it seems your husband is doing this on purpose. Follow your gut, protect your daughter.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

over20 said:


> My Dh and I have 4 kids. They have NEVER seen either of us nude. This is a very scary and twisted situation you have with your husband. Give him an ultimatum before it's to late. Your daughter should NOT know what her father's penis looks like.
> 
> At 3 your daughter should be in her own bed and bedroom.


That's a ridiculous overstatement. Not everyone is completely uptight about nudity. My family growing up were often naked around each other, it's no big deal. In Japan people bathe naked together with family and strangers all the time. Mostly single sex, but not always. 

Having four children who have literally never seen their parents nude is scary and twisted in my opinion.

That being said OP, your husband is acting strangely. Vaseline because his penis felt dry? That sounds like bullsh*t. I would be keeping a very careful eye on him around your daughter.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

My mom was naked a lot around me growing up. I never felt uncomfortable or confused about it. I always thought she was beautiful and I wanted to look just like her when I became an adult. I think seeing her that way helped me feel more comfortable with my own nudity. 

I still think the husband here is a little...off.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me and my daughter still see each other naked...if we are changing real quick in the bathroom together..... but the opposite sex... it stops at around age 4 ...maybe some may see that as too late....I don't believe it has screwed with any of our sons....does any of us remember anything at age 4......

I know I don't.

But DAD will need to change some of his "'running around in the buff" habits ....with a growing young daughter in the home..


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

To each their own. My daughter is almost 6 and still showers with me regularly. She prefers showers over baths, I still wash her hair, and we conserve water. We took showers that included mom, daughter, and dad until she was around 4 I think. I couldn't tell you exactly because it was never discussed, it just stopped one day. 
Now, I won't walk around completely nude in front of our older boys, but undergarments are often seen in our home. Heck, they cover more than most bathing suits they see at the pool!

My children have been raised knowing what human bodies look like, their functions, and to respect their own and others. 

As for OPs husband putting vaseline on, I don't see a problem with it. From what I read, the daughter was not in the room and he wasn't counting on her seeing a reflection in a television. Really, who would think about that?? I honestly believe that hiding nudity will do more damage as they become curious and will seek understanding on their own because the parents have hidden it and made it something taboo. Whereas kids who are exposed to it as a "normal" thing (i.e. bathing, changing clothes, etc.) are more open to asking their trusted adults and become a bit immune to it.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Where was your husband when he had his penis (it's not a willy, it's a penis) out, while you were on the bed with your daughter? Was he in another room? If he was applying cream in front or masturbating in front of your daughter that is VERY inappropriate. If he was in another room though and didn't know she could see him so he quickly put some ointment on that's another thing altogether.

Why are you so worried about her seeing your husband naked? Did something happen to you as a child for you to be overreacting so much?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Children are only uptight or messed up about nudity if their parents are.

I suggest you do some reading. About the rest of the world, both today and in the past. We are called Puritans in America for a reason - we are different from the entire rest of the world in terms of being uptight about sinning and shaming and damaging young minds...

She's only 3, for God's sake. I was taking baths with my dad when I was 8 and thought nothing of it.

If ANYTHING, the steps YOU take are going to cause her to freak out and overanalyze and assume she is somehow defective for not freaking out WITH you.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I am assuming the OP is American. As a European, kids seeing their parents naken does not seem like an issue for me at all. 

He should be discreet about having a intimate self-shuffle. If it was just putting vaseline on his bits then everything is fine. 

This is just for perspective, people will see things differently.


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## wifeyre (Oct 18, 2013)

Thank you all for your reply, I guess I'm so concerned about nudity because this seemed strange cause I remember how my dad respected us in a way that we never ever saw our elders penis. girls could bath with mom's and boys could bath with dads but not girls with dads.

I'm hiding my nudity from my child cause I was trying to teach hubby by example, I'm uncomfortable with this and I don't think I will ever be. but according to some of the replies it seems i'm worried about nothing. I will definitly read about this as advised maybe that will help.

Thank you once again for all your help.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The thing is, to a child, whatever is treated as natural will be natural. They pick up on the adults' signals. If you act uptight around men, she'll be uptight around men, etc. Don't do what my family did, teach me that the opposite sex is to be avoided and any contact (or seeing), even accidental, makes you a bad person.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

Lyris said:


> That's a ridiculous overstatement. Not everyone is completely uptight about nudity. My family growing up were often naked around each other, it's no big deal. In Japan people bathe naked together with family and strangers all the time. Mostly single sex, but not always.
> 
> Having four children who have literally never seen their parents nude is scary and twisted in my opinion.
> 
> That being said OP, your husband is acting strangely. Vaseline because his penis felt dry? That sounds like bullsh*t. I would be keeping a very careful eye on him around your daughter.


Why is it twisted and scary that our children have not seen us naked? Our 18 year old son would NOT want to see my breasts/vagina/bum and our 20,16,11 year old daughter's would NOT want to see their dad's bum/penis......it's called modesty and being discrete.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Of course a teenager would be upset. A 3 year old? Who barely understands the concept of life and death, let alone nudity.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

over20 said:


> Why is it twisted and scary that our children have not seen us naked? Our 18 year old son would NOT want to see my breasts/vagina/bum and our 20,16,11 year old daughter's would NOT want to see their dad's bum/penis......it's called modesty and being discrete.


Why? (And they don't SEE your vagina unless you spread your legs. That's the pubic mound they see.) I don't advocate laying spread eagle on the bed to watch TV w/ the family. But having a door cracked and not being embarrassed that a kid caught a glimpse or if you forget to lock the door and they walk in on you changing and no one freaks out is a bit healthier in my opinion. 

I'm not quite to Lyris's point of nude freedom (if I looked like her maybe I would!) but my daughter sees me in my underwear or panties and a T without a bra when I get ready for bed. I did talk her Dad into not running around naked when she was 3 and reached up to grab it out of curiosity. He jerked away and laughed and that's when we started teaching her about her body/other people's body and no-touch zones. I was still taking bubble baths in the big tub with her at that age.

This is a great time to talk about the differences and what make a girl a girl and a boy a boy. And what parts are private and not for touching. Be sure she knows it's OK for her to touch HER parts in the bath and in private, but not for others to. 

Don't make her so uptight she won't skinny dip or change in a women's locker room at the gym or be uncomfortable walking to the bath in the nude when she's married.


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## Lyris (Mar 29, 2012)

over20 said:


> Why is it twisted and scary that our children have not seen us naked? Our 18 year old son would NOT want to see my breasts/vagina/bum and our 20,16,11 year old daughter's would NOT want to see their dad's bum/penis......it's called modesty and being discrete.


It's not about wanting to see. Its about happening to see. It's about not freaking out if you are walking to the bathroom naked and your child is on the way to the kitchen

They're just human bodies. I like knowing my kids will grow up with a bit if an idea about what real bodies look like. Japanese bathhouses ftw! 

And I lol'd at the spread eagle Enjoli. Doesn't everyone watch tv like that?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My mom didn't find out that male and female bodies were different until she got into nursing school.


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