# Wife in Mid-life crisis story - update



## WhyinSC (Dec 16, 2011)

So one year into our separation. I'm 2 times the man I was before. I was a "nice guy". I'm moving on but will admit it's hard to watch my wife go weakly down the mid-life crisis rabbit hole. Thankfully I get stronger and stronger and it bothers me less everyday. Everything everyone said was happening and said would happen was right on. The grieving process, how long it would take to feel better etc etc... spot on. Thanks folks.

Making my story short so people will know the background... married 16 years two kids 18 and 15. Wife asked me to leave a year ago and like a fool I did and only last month did she ask me to come home not to work on the marriage but to "save money". It’s obvious to me she is just buttering me up for the divorce. She's a classic case. Low self esteem, lost a ton of weight, boob job, Face book, lots of girls night out, toxic friends, crazy expectations on what life should have been, total mind-F for yours truly – a loving and supportive “nice guy” who tried his best. She was a great and beautiful woman and is now living perhaps one of the greatest challenges of her life and she's not doing it well...at all. I feel bad for her. It stopped being about me many months ago and that is what helped me move on and separate myself from it. It keeps me sane.

So here I am, I've been used up and traumatized and emotionally held hostage for a year. As you can guess it's ALL my fault.  However, I'm happy and proud to say that I've been as emotionally and financially supportive as possible while being dragged through the pit of hell. Even though most would think she doesn’t deserve anything I still did because I know this is all just a phase in MY life and I want out of HER life in a way I’ll feel good about my part in it later down the road. She's very vulnerable and I feel sorry for her but of course at the same time I’m sad over my loss and the continuing drama that is no doubt going to continue for awhile. Her new dating habits still trigger me but I’m pretty good at acting like it’s nothing to me. Poor, poor woman. So many dirt bags out there ready to use and abuse her. It’s like a soap opera. Shame you know.

So what am I doing to feel so confident? I took a traveling job again. I’m all over the place and I meet many people in the same situation. Sharing the stuff keeps me sane. I no longer think “she’s coming back” and will not give the relationship any new effort. I just pay the bills we share and I’ve let go with Love if that’s possible. On the flip side I'm filing for divorce and moving to El Paso to start a new life. Before that I'm taking an assignment overseas where I can double my income. I am in the hell of financial ruin now but I know I will come out ahead in the end. It’s just money.

Why am I here? Just to tell you all that it DOES get way better even if the drama continues… Just protect yourself and your assets and try very hard to get a life. I’m very sorry for those of you in the same situation. Turn the page.


----------



## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Was her affair emotional or physical?

What if she realizes her mistake and begs for uour forgiveness, will you take back?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Njadh01 (Aug 9, 2011)

Great to hear you're doing well WhyinSC. I'm a left-behind spouse too. In my 2nd year on the recieving end. And yes...life has gotten better. True there are moments in the still of the night when some negative feelings and regrets filter through. But for the most part I also did my best to take the high road regardless of her affair, the 50 yr old teenager mentality, increased alcohol consumption and so on....and got on with my life with the mindset the marriage is finished. Hope your children are doing well too. That is my biggest regret. That they caught in the middle of the other person's mess...a mess that was probably brewing for a few years within them. But communication with their spouse of their feelings, the covenant of marriage they entered, and vows before God all were not a concern. Some do navigate through it to better things. Most...do not. I guess those of us on the recieving end may one day see if a butterfly emerges...or a moth that flies at the light then burns it's wings crashing to the ground


----------

