# Resentful about so many years of crappy sex



## GetSmart (Mar 9, 2015)

My wife called me today and was all excited about some beachfront apartment she saw. She wants us to buy it for vacations and such. 

Now here I am .. I just turned 50. My youngest is going to college this year and I guess I just realized that I'm no longer bound to her. 

The last 20 years has been a long series of quickies and 3 minutes handjobs every 3-4 weeks. In between, I spent my prime sexual years mostly masturbating to get off. Now that I'm 50, my drive is still good, but it's not what it was. 

I had tried everything I could think of over those 20 years to get things on track. I was exemplary with chores around the house, I was attentive to her emotional needs as far as I could anticipate them, and even if I do say so myself - I've kept myself in outstanding shape (although that was more for me). 

On the other hand, I look back and I can hardly remember a time that she spontaneously gave me a neck rub, or cooked something just for me as opposed to all of us, and certainly not even attempting to do something special for me sexually (yeah, I have a minor kink or two). 

But when she asked me to buy a beachfront place today - my immediate reaction was annoyance. I realized then that I feel resentful. I have decided to leave her. There is absolutely nothing she can do now to change anything because the past cannot be changed. 

I have no questions. I just wanted to rant a bit. Thanks.


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## Cletus (Apr 27, 2012)

GetSmart said:


> I have no questions. I just wanted to rant a bit. Thanks.


Could I interest you in a new business model of time-shared beachfront properties for resentful partners in mismatched marriages? 

This doesn't have to be all down-side for you.


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## Fighting For Happiness (Mar 9, 2015)

If you want to give it one more final fix it shot then give her an ultimate come to Jesus deal killer speech. 

There is much discussion about sexless marriage. You are what is known as a Walkawy husband aka WAH. 

There is but one solution I know of and it worked for me. Tell her it's a deal kiiler. I have a post about what worked for me posted today. 

Give it a look if you want to take one last stab at getting some a$$ once and for all. 

You would be very very surprised how fast you can get over if she blows your hair back consistently but stick to your guns about it because LDensers will attempt backsliding at every turn. 

Keep the pressure on high brother. It can work and you have nothing to lose. 

Not kidding. Deadly serious.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

16 months ago, my marriage was crap, today it's better than ever. Getting over resentment can be hard, but we are doing a lot better. Your story has a lot of similarities with mine, I did my best to keep my wife happy, but she had bad experiences prior our marriage. I finally had to have a sit down at counselors and state "I'm not living like this anymore, we either start having more sex on a regular basis, are we are done." More sex didn't mean duty sex, it meant being involved!


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

GetSmart said:


> My wife called me today and was all excited about some beachfront apartment she saw. She wants us to buy it for vacations and such.
> 
> Now here I am .. I just turned 50. My youngest is going to college this year and I guess I just realized that I'm no longer bound to her.
> 
> ...


Oh look! There I am. The 6 years from now me. 44 with a 12 year old and I wonder...in 6 years when he graduates will I be bound in any way to my wife? I can guarantee you that the once a week sex we have will not keep me connected to her emotionally at all.


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## Cobalt (Nov 16, 2014)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Oh look! There I am. The 6 years from now me. 44 with a 12 year old and I wonder...in 6 years when he graduates will I be bound in any way to my wife? I can guarantee you that the once a week sex we have will not keep me connected to her emotionally at all.


You are lucky to be getting it once a week. 

Over a 4 year period, I saw our sex life go from once a week to once every 3 months to once a year. I tried everything and finally gave the "this has to change or I'm out" speech which many gave me as advice on my first post. I still waited around a few months after but nothing changed. 

When I found I was having feelings with for a friend, I couldn't wait any longer and filed for divorce. Best thing for both of us.

good luck :smthumbup:


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Getsmart....clearly you have finally 'gotten smart'!
Fighting for H has suggested you give it another go...frankly I don't think its worth it. Sex has been unimportant to your wife for 20 years so why should she change now just because of a beach house?

If she did it would only show what a shallow person she is.

I think the more people who divorce because their spouses are uniterested in sex and are not even interested in understanding the others sexual needs, the better.

Sex is one of the most important things in a marriage. If one spouse doesn't, can't or won't see that they don't deserve ANY of the marriage 'package'.

Its like saying...'Wow! I love that Mercedes 350SL...I want it...but I'm not prepared to put any petrol in it'...well, its not going to go anywhere is it?


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

Twenty years often reveals a lot about a marriage when it is with two differing sex drives. The OP's wife has jerked him around for so long, she now feels that there is nothing wrong with it. If he draws the line at the new big expense, SHE may file for divorce.


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