# I've reached a crossroads



## jrredmo (Apr 13, 2014)

This is sort of a long story, sorry in advance

My wife have a long sordid history. I met her when I worked at the Exxon across the street from Pizza Hut, where she worked at the time. She was dating a real POS at the time, and I was dead set on having her as my own. Over time I talked to her more and more and fell in love with her hard. It wasn't 3 months later before we got a place together.
Well, as all things do, they change. I lost my job at Exxon and started working for a local news paper as a contracted delivery driver. That is a all year round job that wears on you hard after a month or so. But in her eyes I had no reason to be tired. We fought and argued, I enjoyed the paper route, but she wanted more money.
One morning I returned home from the route and tried to cuddle up next to her in bed. She basically pushed me away, which started an argument. It ended with my wife saying she was moving out. It was devastating, but we kept communicating. It wasn't all sunshine and happiness, but we worked through it. We worked out our problems and 3 months later we were back together and moving into another house. We planned on getting married, and I asked her if she had slept with anyone during our separation. She told me no, so I moved on. It wasn't a week later before a guy shows up at our house wanting to talk to my wife. The situation escalated quickly, but luckily did not resort to violence. I once again asked my wife if she had slept with anyone while we were separated. She started crying and said she had slept with that very man. I was hurt, I didn't think that my wife could lie to my face like that. But I loved her, so I forgave her and moved on...though the scar is still there. We got married on 7/12/12, in the back yard of her great grand mothers house. I have to say that was one of the happiest days of my life. She was beautiful and I felt like I was luckiest guy.
The marriage was going well. She lost her job at Long John Silvers and I took up the reins and started working walmart as well as the paper route. She would cook and clean while I was at work, and I was happy with it, didn't mind working two jobs and coming home to a hot meal. Sometime after Christmas, my hours were cut down to nothing at walmart so I fell back to just doing the paper route. She started to worry about the rent, which at the time her grandparents told her not to worry about it. Well one day her grandparents told her that she was 3 months behind. Basically they wanted their money, didn't matter if she was family or not.
So we moved out in one day, and in with my brother and his girlfriend. It went well for a little bit until my wife and my brothers girlfriend started butting heads. So we started attempting to find another place and I started negotiating my contract with the newspaper. As I was negotiating my contract she started to push me into working with her at the factory. I was skeptical, as the only exposure to factory work I have been subjected to has been bad experiences (i.e. they hire you for 3 months and then find a reason to fire you). I attempted to tell her that I wasn't interested in a factory job but she started pushing me in that direction anyways. I eventually caved and took the job when it was offered to me. After a month, we finally found a decent house to rent. I took out a loan to cover the deposit on the house, electricity, and water and we moved in fairly quick. 
Finally we arrive in the present. I lost my job at the factory around the tail end of last year thanks to some jerk who basically did not like me at all. After speaking with my wife at length, she said she would take up a second job so I could focus solely on school. January rolled around and I started school, she never got the second job and we began bleeding out financially. I did find a job working with my friend at his BBQ pit. One day I came back home from work, with my wife arriving shortly thereafter. She sat down and told me that she was moving out and that she wanted a trial of separation, that she was unhappy with everything in her life and that she felt that if she didn't run from this she would regret it. I was fairly upset, seeing that she had pulled this once before. We talked about everything, neither of us wanted a divorce, both of us wanted to work it out, and both of us still loved each other.
We have been separated for a little over two weeks, and we speak regularly. I moved in with my friend and she has moved in by herself in the next town. She has even come to visit. But for the last two weekends I have made plans to spend time with her, and both times she has canceled. We were supposed to spend time together yesterday, but when I called to let her know I was heading in her direction, she ignored me...all day. I started getting worried that something had happened to her but I received a text from her this morning. I haven't been able to get a response from her beside the text, and she won't provide me with an excuse as to why she just left me hanging yesterday. I don't think she realizes or maybe doesn't even care that it hurts me immensely when she does stuff like this.
I have hit a point where I am starting to ask myself if my wife is worth the heartache and mental anguish. She acts like she doesn't really give a crap that she hurts me. I love my wife more than anything, but I don't feel like I can chase after her anymore. I'm not a highschooler and neither is she, we should be adults about it and talk about how we can fix our problems, not compounding the ones we already have.
I am wondering if I should keep fighting to save our marriage or if I should just let go. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.


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## oviid (Sep 27, 2013)

My advice would be to stop chasing her. If she cares enough she will contact you but what you are doing now is just pushing her away. Gain your confidence and realize that while a marriage is absolutely worth fighting for you have to fight smart. Being/acting desperate isn't a smart fight. 

Go cold and stop with the text messages and phone calls. Let her contact you. If there's another man involved you should find out too. Based on her previous deception in that area it's not unlikely that she's with that same guy or someone else. 

Concerning the job situation. It sounds like you have had a rough go of it for the entire marriage. To me it seems like the lack of security has contributed to pushing her away. I don't care what kind of job it is or where it is but you need to pull up the boot straps and make that happen.. work two jobs if you have to. A woman is attracted to a man who can handle his business and doesn't make excuses.


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