# vent post - selfish stbxw



## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Talk about speaking too soon. Just this morning, in the "Does this make sense" thread I posted that my stbxw has been a better mother since our separation and that I can be in the same room without being angry at her lies. I TAKE IT ALL BACK!

Tonight is my youngest daughter's birthday party/sleepover. Her actual birthday was during the Christmas break, but we are having the party tonight with her friends. There was to be 7 - 8 12 year old girls sleeping over in our basement. My youngest, who is a real Mommy's girl, asked if my stbxw could come and I said "of course". Even cleared out a space in the spare bedroom in the basement for her to camp out. So for the past week, I was counting on my stbxw to help with the girls - one of the mothers even asked if she would be here because her daughter has been having night terrors (and I don't want to deal with that myself). 

This afternoon, I get a text from my wife saying she can't stay but that she'll be here when the kids are dropped off and would come back in the morning to help with breakfast. That's not where I needed help so I told her not to bother. I guess she knew I was pissed off so, she texted me back saying she couldn't stay because she just "didn't feel well" - ALWAYS with the after the fact, late excuse. So I asked her to drop off the cake (which she bought) and then she could be on her way.

So my stbxw shows up with the cake, her hair is freshly done, her toe-nails freshly painted and pedicured, and her Saturday night makeup perfect. It's obvious to me that she's going out. Typical. Then my youngest comes up and my stbxw tells (i.e. lies) to her that she feels "sick" and can't stay. My youngest isn't stupid - and she see's how my wife is prepared to go out gets upset and said "It's obvious you just don't want to stay" and then turned and went downstairs.

So my stbxw leaves in tears, muttering that I am "poisoning" the children. And off she goes....

So now my youngest daughter and her friends are in the basement and I can hear them laughing from my office on the second floor. My eldest daughter has just gone out with her best friend (who is also sleeping over here when they come back). And my stbxw is probably getting dressed to go out clubbing with her toxic friends.

I shouldn't be upset because this is par for the course for my stbxw. i.e. Prioritizing going out with her friends over her daughter's birthday and STILL playing the "victim". And I shouldn't care, and thought I DIDN'T care.

.... but man, I hate her guts right now.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Man what is up with spouses just seeming to completely lose it???


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maybe you should text your WW and inform her that if she is going to pull the sick card to at least show up before she gets ready to wh0re around and at least let the kids see her in an appearance that represents the lie she is telling.
Let her know you don't give a phuck but now that the kids are getting older she needs to plan ahead for there sake and try ...and really try to look like she is sick.
Tell her now that they are older she has to use better time management so that her lies match her appearence. She could have gotten her tramp clothes on after droping off the cake, if she showed up earlier.

Come on you know she has it in her, I mean she was able to pull it off before d-day...in short tell her she is getting sloppy, the kids aren't young and niave any more, she needs to put more effort into her bull crap lies and stop getting lazy now that you don't give a sh1t about her.

I mean come on if she is going to fool the kids she just going to have to work a little harder.

Geeze!!!! Its one thing to be a crappy mother but then being a sloppy lazy crappy mother that doesn't put in the effort to convience her kids of her lies is the worst.

Any wayward wife worth her salt should be able to pull the wool over her own kids eyes. She can't even do that!

Your old lady was crying cause as far as WW go she sucks at it and all the other WW think she stupid and laugh at her.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

:lol:

She should have at least worn socks to cover up her pink toenail polish.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

WOW ! Just unbelievable ! What a POS !


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Seriously though... muttering that I am "poisoning the girls". 

W....T.....F??? What an insult.

If I had wanted to poison the girls, I could use a helluva lot more than my wife going out dancing with her toxic friends.

I haven't poisoned my girls as a favour to my stbxw. I haven't poisoned my girls to my stbxw because it would not be in my girls' best interests. That's what my stbxw doesn't realize. But it looks like my stbxw is doing a pretty good job of poisoning them herself.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

the guy said:


> ...in short tell her she is getting sloppy, the kids aren't young and niave any more, she needs to put more effort into her bull crap lies and stop getting lazy now that you don't give a sh1t about her.
> I mean come on if she is going to fool the kids she just going to have to work a little harder.
> Geeze!!!! Its one thing to be a crappy mother but then being a sloppy lazy crappy mother that doesn't put in the effort to convience her kids of her lies is the worst.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Sorry - but it is typical behavior of a narcissist. 
What they want to do is always selfishly first on the list. 
Everything is about them. 
Anything that goes wrong or upsets them is always someone else's fault. 
They never take responsibility for their actions.

Your kids are seeing it first hand. Don't get upset about STBXW's theatrics, your kids KNOW what is going on and who is at fault.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Come on now you have been here since Oct and you can throw logic out the window. You know damb well that her only responce to her own short comings is to deflect so stop getting worked on her BS remarks. Trust me there will be lore of that in the future, especially when the kids get older and start resenting her more for not being there for them.

It sucks but shi1t like this doesn't easily get forgotten and if an, when your old lady chiles the phuck out and tries to reconnect with with her kids years down the road, they will always remember the bad things...it funny how that works.

See the blameshifting never goes away....maybe if your lucky your chick will own her sh1t and turn a corner...mine did!


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Crikey! What a bizarre thing to do! Unbelievable! She showed her own children such terrible disrespect that they might never be able to forgive her for it.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

> Sorry - but it is typical behavior of a narcissist.


OP's WW herself wrote him a letter pointing out to this.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

BTW, the REAL reason my stbxw wanted to be here when the other kids were dropped off was so that the other parents would see her and think "ahhhhhh, what a great mother". Then she would leave. That's why I told her not to bother.

TDSC60 - yes, she is very narcissitic. EVERYTHING is about her.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

the guy said:


> Come on now you have been here since Oct and you can throw logic out the window. You know damb well that her only responce to her own short comings is to deflect so stop getting worked on her BS remarks. Trust me there will be lore of that in the future, especially when the kids get older and start resenting her more for not being there for them.
> 
> It sucks but shi1t like this doesn't easily get forgotten and if an, when your old lady chiles the phuck out and tries to reconnect with with her kids years down the road, they will always remember the bad things...it funny how that works.
> 
> See the blameshifting never goes away....maybe if your lucky your chick will own her sh1t and turn a corner...mine did!



Yeah, you're right. It's funny how this morning I was thinking I was in the "Don't give a damn" phase. But this really pissed me off.

I guess I still have a little ways to go. 

How long did it take your wife to turn a corner - and was she ever as bad as this?


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

I am "poisoning the girls". 

W....T.....F??? What an insult.

If I had wanted to poison the girls, I could use a helluva lot more than you going out dancing.

I haven't poisoned my girls as a favour to you. 
I haven't poisoned my girls because it would not be in my girls' best interests. 

You don't realize you're doing a pretty good job of poisoning them yourself. 

Have a great night "recovering"


[I used most of your words to compose a text to her. Think about sending - she deserves to get an earful from you]


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Well, she is sick alright...


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

walkonmars said:


> I am "poisoning the girls".
> 
> W....T.....F??? What an insult.
> 
> ...



Thanks. I had already sent her an email to that effect. I closed with "XXXXX (our youngest daughter) is not stupid, nor am I"

Probably a mistake to send - a waste of my time.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

No it wasn't she still has to keep up the lies for her kids sake. Right?

Sometimes, the smart folks need to help out the dumb folks, the question is, is your wife smart enought to listen to this crazy @ss logic of trying to be a good mother and help her fine tune her false perceptions her kids have of her or just let the kids build the resentment they will have for her in thier adult years?

I guess you just can't fix stupid!

Alls you can do is try if you like.

The thing is the more you try to help her pull the wool over the kids eyes the more she will not listen, just to spite you. Cutting off her nose in spite of her face.

Now I'm going to have to go to confession for the bad things I'm saying with regards to how to phuck with stupid poeple like your wife.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

the guy said:


> No it wasn't she still has to keep up the lies for her kids sake. Right?
> 
> Sometimes, the smart folks need to help out the dumb folks, the question is, is your wife smart enought to listen to this crazy @ss logic of trying to be a good mother and help her fine tune her false perceptions her kids have of her or just let the kids build the resentment they will have for her in thier adult years?
> 
> ...



The weird thing is my wife isn't stupid, except for sh!t like this. It's like a part of her is totally insane. She is incredibly successful - but totally messed up on relationships. With me. With her kids. And our kids love her - REALLY love her, yet she only loves them back on her terms - which are part-time. It's such a waste.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> The weird thing is my wife isn't stupid, except for sh!t like this. It's like a part of her is totally insane. She is incredibly successful - but totally messed up on relationships. With me. With her kids. And our kids love her - REALLY love her, yet she only loves them back on her terms - which are part-time. It's such a waste.


Success & intelligence =/= morality & integrity

Some of the most selfish and immoral people I know are quite successful. Gift of gab. But it's all talk. They talk the talk, but ...


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Its messed up but don't make such a big deal out of it. Your kids are seeing whose the one that keeps the promise and stays by them and who doesn't. At the end of the day, you'll be the winner.

Try making it easy for your ex to party and have fun by keeping the kids even on her custody times.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Cedarman said:


> Talk about speaking too soon. Just this morning, in the "Does this make sense" thread I posted that my stbxw has been a better mother since our separation and that I can be in the same room without being angry at her lies. I TAKE IT ALL BACK!
> 
> Tonight is my youngest daughter's birthday party/sleepover. Her actual birthday was during the Christmas break, but we are having the party tonight with her friends. There was to be 7 - 8 12 year old girls sleeping over in our basement. My youngest, who is a real Mommy's girl, asked if my stbxw could come and I said "of course". Even cleared out a space in the spare bedroom in the basement for her to camp out. So for the past week, I was counting on my stbxw to help with the girls - one of the mothers even asked if she would be here because her daughter has been having night terrors (and I don't want to deal with that myself).
> 
> ...


This is just me but I would text her : "It doesn't bother me at all that you are putting so much distance between you and our kids. It creates a vacumn that will be filled by someone else that deserves it."

I hope you are dating.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

chapparal said:


> I hope you are dating.




Part of my New Years resolutions. Separation date was Sept 24th. I asked my wife to move out and she moved out Oct 19th. DDay 2 was Oct 27 (when she confessed that her 2008 EA had morphed into a PA in 2009 - I didn't discover the EA until 2010). So it's been a rapid transition from over-trusting husband (dupe, sap, sucker) to now. I had some doubts that I'm ready to date but stuff like this makes it a lot easier to let go.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You know I'd be tempted to post to FB that you're having a bday sleep over for you youngest but stbxw could attend because she had a hit date.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> You know I'd be tempted to post to FB that you're having a bday sleep over for you youngest but stbxw could attend because she had a hit date.


I don't have fb. I don't get it. Honestly have a bias against it because when I discovered my stbxw's secret gmail account and her EA - she made a point of deleting the gmail and her fb account (which was also secret). Before she deleted her fb - I did manage to see it. Full of pictures or links to "friends" who were junior golfers at our golf club. Age range 18 +, but it was ultra-juvenile. Nothing incriminating - it was just so weird and childish - like my stbxw wanted to be back in High School. Eg: Some 19 year old had a pic: "Here I am in Hollywood with my parents and I just met Maggie Q". I remember turning to my stbxw and asking "how old are you??????" (she was 46 at that time). So I have a negative bias towards fb because of this.

My wife is 48, with a 35 year old body, and the emotional maturity of a 15 year old with limerence.


PS - as I write this, my youngest daughter is in our basement with her friends - they are watching "Pitch Perfect" and I can hear them laughing. My oldest daughter is in her room with her best friend - they are probably on FB as we speak - again, I can hear them laughing and talking. We all just had birthday cake an hour ago. This, to me, is what life is all about. Meanwhile, my stbxw is doing whatever it is she does - probably dancing in a group with her toxic, past middle aged friends at a club downtown. And she wonders why she's not happy...


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## MovingAhead (Dec 27, 2012)

Cederman,

Brother, I just had a bunch of the same... I'm poisoning the boys against her. I will be getting full custody in the not so distant future. It won't be me taking them away from her. She gave them to me. My EX is a lot like your STBXW.

So I have my kids every M,T and every other F,S,S on our 50-50. I was getting my kids back last Sunday at 6 her weekend. She asks if I can pick them up... I said sure.. didn't know why but I just did... this is 5:30 then she tells me how she scheduled things for them to do on Monday night and how she would pick them up...

I told her that is not going to happen. It's my night and if you want them to do something on my night your need to ask me first. I told her how disrespectful and rude it was. There was a lot of back and forth and I was pretty pissed. I have a ton to do and if I say no to my kids after she promised them stuff I'm the bad guy, but I sucked it up and took them on Monday to their things.

But as we were having this conversation about respect and how she needed to ask me before scheduling my time. I was getting it's about the children and it's not my time it's their time etc... Finally I told her I was done with the conversation but she kept on picking. Finally she says, 'And you wonder why I left...'

I simply replied, 'No, you are a *****.' It's like the music stopped playing and every conversation in the room stopped... It's sad, but true.

That ended the conversation right there. She is screwing my neighbor so it just came to an indefensible position.

My little one was crying today because he is sad because his mother does not treat him like she once did. He feels it. Those days are gone. I had just started my oldest in counseling, but I will get my other two as soon as I can. It is really helpful for them to be able to vent and talk and I find they open up more and tell me things that I still didn't even know.

My EX can go out and try to find happiness outside with all her whatever, but it will never happen until she gets right with herself. I don't see that happening anytime soon. She has too many toxic friends. My friends are all quality and I am blessed to have them.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

MovingAhead said:


> My EX can go out and try to find happiness outside with all her whatever, but it will never happen until she gets right with herself. I don't see that happening anytime soon. She has too many toxic friends. My friends are all quality and I am blessed to have them.



My stbxw's group of toxic friends hate marriage. It's almost like a rite of passage to have an affair and then split. My stbxw was the LAST one to still be in a marriage. I found out, after we split, that they have been introducing my stbxw to men all summer - trying to match her up. NONE of them are in relationships but they try to match my wife up while we're still married and working on R. Most of my friends are still married and have families. They're normal. My wife thinks it's "boring".

You're absolutely right - none of them will be happy until they are happy with themselves. I think my wife actually hates herself. All the lies, all the procedures she does to change/maintain her looks. She needs a shrink and twice a week IC - yet she only goes once a month to an incompetent man-hater from her EAP program.


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## NotDoneYet (Oct 6, 2012)

Yes it's incredible how self-centered and crazy they become. My wife once told me during her affair that she didn't want to spend time at home because she thought it wouldn't be fair to her new relationship. To which I replied there shouldn't BE a new relationship! She also said she was worried her AP would be embarrassed if she canceled their plans to move in together and came back home. Um...you realize you're speaking to the man who has to say his wife left him? And when she did move out, she said she was bringing some of his stuff to store at our apartment! WTF?! She got so pissed when I refused, and ASKED WHY I COULDN'T BE NICE TO HIM. On second thought should've accepted and lit it on fire.

Waywards are certifiably insane.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Cedarman said:


> Yeah, you're right. It's funny how this morning I was thinking I was in the "Don't give a damn" phase. But this really pissed me off.


There is letting go of what she did to you. That you should do for yourself.

But she hurt your children. That you should get pissed off about because you love your girls and you don't want them hurt.


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## Numbersixxx (Oct 10, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> My stbxw's group of toxic friends hate marriage. It's almost like a rite of passage to have an affair and then split. My stbxw was the LAST one to still be in a marriageo. I found out, after we split, that they have been introducing my stbxw to men all summer - trying to match her up. NONE of them are in relationships but they try to match my wife up while we're still married and working on R. Most of my friends are still married and have families. They're normal. My wife thinks it's "boring".
> 
> You're absolutely right - none of them will be happy until they are happy with themselves. I think my wife actually hates herself. All the lies, all the procedures she does to change/maintain her looks. She needs a shrink and twice a week IC - yet she only goes once a month to an incompetent man-hater from her EAP program.


I bet they think of themselves as "strong, independent women" and that they are finally liberated. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

Numbersixxx said:


> I bet they think of themselves as "strong, independent women" and that they are finally liberated.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Which is why I'll never date a woman again who is a feminist or staunch liberal. It's a mental health disease, IMO. 

My exW was a teacher, liberal and believed that men's role in life is to make women happy. Unfortunately for her, I don't believe ANY man can make her happy!


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## lonewolf8545 (Jan 12, 2013)

You sound like a great Dad and in a way your ex wife's ways will just help cement the relationship you have with your daughters. It's a shame she doesn't realize what great moments she is missing with them, but that just means you get all those moments to yourself.

Good luck.


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## Enchanted (Jan 2, 2013)

Cedarman said:


> Talk about speaking too soon. Just this morning, in the "Does this make sense" thread I posted that my stbxw has been a better mother since our separation and that I can be in the same room without being angry at her lies. I TAKE IT ALL BACK!
> 
> Tonight is my youngest daughter's birthday party/sleepover. Her actual birthday was during the Christmas break, but we are having the party tonight with her friends. There was to be 7 - 8 12 year old girls sleeping over in our basement. My youngest, who is a real Mommy's girl, asked if my stbxw could come and I said "of course". Even cleared out a space in the spare bedroom in the basement for her to camp out. So for the past week, I was counting on my stbxw to help with the girls - one of the mothers even asked if she would be here because her daughter has been having night terrors (and I don't want to deal with that myself).
> 
> ...


If you don't mind me asking how old is your wife? If she has a 12 year old daughter then she can't be in her 20's. Don't people stop going to clubs when they hit 28?


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## jd08 (Nov 20, 2012)

Enchanted said:


> If you don't mind me asking how old is your wife? If she has a 12 year old daughter then she can't be in her 20's. Don't people stop going to clubs when they hit 28?


She's 48. See page 2. Missing her child's birthday party to go clubbing with other 40+ year old women. I
bet that was a blast.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Enchanted said:


> If you don't mind me asking how old is your wife? If she has a 12 year old daughter then she can't be in her 20's. Don't people stop going to clubs when they hit 28?


My wife is in a delayed adolescence. She's 48 but has the emotional maturity of a teenager (an immature teenager).

She and her toxic girlfriends not only frequent clubs until 3 or 4 in the morning - they now go to a lot of charity galas (as long as the gala has a "hip" theme). They don't give a hoot about the charity, but they love the parties.

Yes, it's pathetic...


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

lonewolf8545 said:


> You sound like a great Dad and in a way your ex wife's ways will just help cement the relationship you have with your daughters. It's a shame she doesn't realize what great moments she is missing with them, but that just means you get all those moments to yourself.
> 
> Good luck.


Thanks. This morning, I made pancakes for everybody - then most of the kids just hung out and played. When the last one went home (around 2:30) my youngest daughter came up and gave me a big hug and said "Thanks Dad". My youngest is not a huggy type with me, usually. She's a real mommy's girl.

So she made my day!


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Dreald said:


> Which is why I'll never date a woman again who is a feminist or staunch liberal. It's a mental health disease, IMO.
> 
> My exW was a teacher, liberal and believed that men's role in life is to make women happy. Unfortunately for her, I don't believe ANY man can make her happy!


Except my wife is a CPC (Conservative Party) supporter. I am fiscally Conservative, but can't stand the current Canadian Gov't. But don't get me started on politics....


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Well at least your kids see right through her.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Postscript: Tonight is kid's transfer night - so my stbxw emails me about picking up the girls. A very cheery email, with no mention of missing the birthday or her "illness". 

I think she has made a miraculous recovery! Thank goodness!


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Postscript: Tonight is kid's transfer night - so my stbxw emails me about picking up the girls. A very cheery email, with no mention of missing the birthday or her "illness".
> 
> I think she has made a miraculous recovery! Thank goodness!


Injections help


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## SaltInWound (Jan 2, 2013)

Cedarman said:


> My wife is in a delayed adolescence. She's 48 but has the emotional maturity of a teenager (an immature teenager).
> 
> She and her toxic girlfriends not only frequent clubs until 3 or 4 in the morning - they now go to a lot of charity galas (as long as the gala has a "hip" theme). They don't give a hoot about the charity, but they love the parties.
> 
> Yes, it's pathetic...


Pathetic indeed. My husband fits the category. He loves meat markets and getting drunk off his @ss every chance he gets, but his health problems rage on Monday morning from the weekend abuse. He is 49 and looks more like a bar mate of Norm on "Cheers" than someone who should be hanging out with younger party people like Paris Hilton.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Ugh I'm p!ssed off not just because because I had oral surgery yesterday but reading this crap! Next time the kids have a get together and want there mom tell them to call them and let her tell them she is busy. Unbelievable!


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Thanks. This morning, I made pancakes for everybody - then most of the kids just hung out and played. When the last one went home (around 2:30) my youngest daughter came up and gave me a big hug and said "Thanks Dad". My youngest is not a huggy type with me, usually. She's a real mommy's girl.
> So she made my day!


Made me smile. Good for you. She's still young but she's watching, she's learning. She will know what a real man looks like.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> Seriously though... muttering that I am "poisoning the girls".
> 
> W....T.....F??? What an insult.
> 
> ...


Of course you haven’t. At 12, even your youngest is old enough to see through her mom’s bullcrap. Hell at 8, my son is already starting to see through his dad’s crap, he told me a week ago, “Dad always promises he’s going to do something and doesn’t do it.” Kids are smarter than we give them credit for.


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## Enchanted (Jan 2, 2013)

Cedarman said:


> My wife is in a delayed adolescence. She's 48 but has the emotional maturity of a teenager (an immature teenager).
> 
> She and her toxic girlfriends not only frequent clubs until 3 or 4 in the morning - they now go to a lot of charity galas (as long as the gala has a "hip" theme). They don't give a hoot about the charity, but they love the parties.
> 
> Yes, it's pathetic...


I'm surprised she doesn't feel like a moron going to these clubs. I can't believe she even enjoys the music. I'm 44; I couldn't imagine going to clubs now, when I was 24 I worked at them.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

This will destroy her relationship with her daughter. Your daughter is already ticking off the betrayals of her Mother. I went through this. A few tips.

Do not try to influence your daughters feelings. The relationship between her and her Mother is not your business, or problem. While it is your instinct to put yourself in between them [which you probably did without thinking before] you need to let the relationship be what it is. Close your mouth and only intervene when your daughter specifically asks for help.

You wife did not just bail out on you. She bailed out on her family, her kids and her responsibilities. This is very hard to forgive and you probably never will. Don't beat yourself up about it.

There is some great new music about. Give yoru daughter the keys to the stereo. Make the house your house ,your kids house. Allow them space. You may already, just a thought.
Good luck. 
DO NOT ENGAGE with this woman.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

Hire a "friend" to be there, who is really classy hot and not trashily so, for whenever your stbxw is going to show up at your home. Tell your daughters she's the maid. You will see that will burst her big, gigantic balloon. Do me one big favor...when she starts calling texting emailing you more, do NOT respond. Only keep communication about the children. You need to suddenly get an aire of mystery. Sounds like she thinks she's in control and is thriving on your brokenheart. Time to play tennis.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

RightfulRiskTaker said:


> Hire a "friend" to be there, who is really classy hot and not trashily so, for whenever your stbxw is going to show up at your home. Tell your daughters she's the maid. You will see that will burst her big, gigantic balloon. Do me one big favor...when she starts calling texting emailing you more, do NOT respond. Only keep communication about the children. You need to suddenly get an aire of mystery. Sounds like she thinks she's in control and is thriving on your brokenheart. Time to play tennis.


Oh yes, yes do it lol.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

RightfulRiskTaker said:


> Hire a "friend" to be there, who is really classy hot and not trashily so, for whenever your stbxw is going to show up at your home. Tell your daughters she's the maid. You will see that will burst her big, gigantic balloon. Do me one big favor...when she starts calling texting emailing you more, do NOT respond. Only keep communication about the children. You need to suddenly get an aire of mystery. Sounds like she thinks she's in control and is thriving on your brokenheart. Time to play tennis.





tom67 said:


> Oh yes, yes do it lol.


Yeah, it's true she broke my heart into a million pieces. But I am no longer interested in making her think anything of me. I don't care. 

This was about her daughter and my stbxw's selfish dismissal of her birthday and about her continual lies. And believe it our not, our youngest daughter is her favourite. (Yes, she played favorites with our daughters.) My eldest daughter "knows" her mother and is (unfortunately) wise beyond her years because of it. I say "unfortunately" because my stbxw never really bonded with my eldest, so I (and my own family) had to fill in the gap. My oldest is wise beyond her years, but she has also been damaged by the lack of true love from her own mother. (My STBXW tries to buy love with "stuff" rather than her own time.)


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## Carlton (Sep 15, 2012)

Cedarman said:


> *I remember turning to my stbxw and asking "how old are you??????"* (she was 46 at that time).
> 
> My wife is 48, with a 35 year old body, and the *emotional maturity of a 15 year old with limerence.*


My wife and I were driving somewhere before DDay. She had just bought a new Ipod nano. She decided to wear the earbuds and dance and groove in the passenger's seat. She actually looked pathetic as she belted out the latest Maroon 5 tunes.

I did the same thing as you and asked, "What, are you 14?" She is 44.

She just sat and laughed at me. Listened to that thing for the next hour or so dancing in her seat and ignoring the rest of us. Me not knowing that she had just started her affair.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Carlton said:


> My wife and I were driving somewhere before DDay. She had just bought a new Ipod nano. She decided to wear the earbuds and dance and groove in the passenger's seat. She actually looked pathetic as she belted out the latest Maroon 5 tunes.
> 
> I did the same thing as you and asked, "What, are you 14?" She is 44.
> 
> She just sat and laughed at me. Listened to that thing for the next hour or so dancing in her seat and ignoring the rest of us. Me not knowing that she had just started her affair.


:rofl:

My stbxw would do the same thing. She would zone out to her own little world and then start dancing to her own beats. With her "dance" expression (the "yeah, I'm cool look"). Now my wife is a very good dancer - but it still looks ridiculous. The funniest thing is when my 12 and 14 year old daughter laugh and tell her to stop embarrassing them. It brings her down to earth a little bit.


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## Acoa (Sep 21, 2012)

My parents divorced when I was 10. My dad was an alcoholic, had multiple affairs and the last straw was when he began to physically abuse my mother.

He would always accuse Mom of "poisoning" us against him. However mom never said boo about him. In fact, looking back on it she did her darn best to keep us in our father's life. 

All the poison was on his end. Kids are smart and pick up on that. I couldn't process it and didn't know how to deal with it, but I always knew Mom had my interests in mind and dad only cared about himself.

I think the most brilliant thing my mom did was always speaking kindly and caring about Dad. I know she didn't always like him, but by never bad mouthing him, she never forced me to "pick sides". So when Dad would speak badly about Mom I saw it as bullcrap, and as I got older was able to tell him to piss off.


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## Enchanted (Jan 2, 2013)

Acoa said:


> My parents divorced when I was 10. My dad was an alcoholic, had multiple affairs and the last straw was when he began to physically abuse my mother.
> 
> He would always accuse Mom of "poisoning" us against him. However mom never said boo about him. In fact, looking back on it she did her darn best to keep us in our father's life.
> 
> ...


My parents divorced when I was six and both said horrible things about each other my whole life.

Now, I'm 44 and still have major trauma from my childhood.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

I try to never say anything bad about my STBXW in front of my children. They will find out for themselves. When I am with my kids I try to be what I've always strived to be, which is the best Dad I am capable of being. I've screwed up more than a few times (eg: during the worst part, post DDay2, would sometimes snap at everything) - but I want my girls to know I am always there for them.

Postscript - long story but this Sat I am taking my daughters and two of their friends night skiing (even though it's my stbxw's week). My girls want to have a sleepover after and that makes sense since we won't be back until 11 pm. So my STBXW sends me a cheery email asking if I can drop the kids off after skiing because "she would LOVE to have a sleepover with the girls". I emailed back saying it would be too late to drop them off (and she would need to take the friend's ski equipment too) and if she wanted a sleepover she should have stayed for her daughter's birthday! The last sentence wasn't necessary, but this woman is insane.


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## Enchanted (Jan 2, 2013)

Cedarman said:


> I try to never say anything bad about my STBXW in front of my children. They will find out for themselves. When I am with my kids I try to be what I've always strived to be, which is the best Dad I am capable of being. I've screwed up more than a few times (eg: during the worst part, post DDay2, would sometimes snap at everything) - but I want my girls to know I am always there for them.
> 
> Postscript - long story but this Sat I am taking my daughters and two of their friends night skiing (even though it's my stbxw's week). My girls want to have a sleepover after and that makes sense since we won't be back until 11 pm. So my STBXW sends me a cheery email asking if I can drop the kids off after skiing because "she would LOVE to have a sleepover with the girls". I emailed back saying it would be too late to drop them off (and she would need to take the friend's ski equipment too) and if she wanted a sleepover she should have stayed for her daughter's birthday! The last sentence wasn't necessary, but this woman is insane.


You sound like a really good dad Cedarman; continue to do fun things with your girls and they'll have wonderful memories.

My father moved to another state a couple of years after the divorce and would send me letters; that was his idea of parenting. Most of the time the letters were preachy and depressing and I hated having to write back. 

You're taking an active role in the upbringing of your kids and you'll reap the benefits.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

Update: thought it would be informative and amusing to post some more crap that my stbxw pulled during the past two months when I was taking a break from TAM. It will help to illustrate the extreme selfish mindset of a fogged up WS and show more about the cheater's mentality. 

In no particular order.

- I was booked to take our kids on a Spring break vacation (actually had booked this last August when we were still married). My stbxw decided to book a longer, concurrent vacation for herself to fly home to see her friends/family. BUT - she didn't tell me this until 1 week before we left (even though she booked her flight week's earlier). Because she was going for longer, she DEMANDED that our kids stay with her for the last week because "she will miss them terribly and I would have them too long". Problem is: we already had stuff booked for that last week. Our kids didn't want to go to her place - so I said "No". My stbxw then proceeded to cc our mediator, complaining about me being "unreasonable" and accusing me of trying to "hog" our kids. Our mediator told my stbxw that she shouldn't expect everybody to change their plans to suit her, especially with such short notice. C-man: 1 stbxw: 0

- My stbxw could have chosen ANY date to fly out - but she chose my eldest daughter's birthday. You may recall how my stbxw lied and skipped my youngest daughter's birthday to go clubbing - now she was flying out and missed my eldest daughter's birthday too. It never occurred to her until I mentioned the date (she conveniently forgot her first born's birthdate). Because she was in the air - she was not able to even text a "Happy Birthday" to her own daughter.

- during her two and a half week vacation, my stbxw did not contact my daughters even once. She used the excuse that her phone did not have a roaming plan (which would have cost $70 for her region). Cost? No - she was booked into one of the most expensive hotels in the city for part of her stay. Of course, she had internet access - but chose not to write once to her own kids - not even ONCE. Meanwhile, she was in contact with her friends because she changed her plans/dates to fly back.

- My stbxw flew back 3 days earlier than expected - but did not want the kids to go over because she needed to "get over jetlag".

- when she found out I am dating, she started to get jealous and started asking if she could come over for dinner, if I could look after the kids on random days, etc - fishing for info.

- she recently joined a dating site and showed up as a match (I had a profile on the same site - now disabled because I am seeing somebody). This is not a problem. What was typical - is that her profile originally had her age as 36 (she will be 49 next month). It did not mention her kids - only her many interests (dancing, travel, looking for a "tall, dark and handsome man to sweep her off her feet"). Her target "date" was very specific, including height, eye colour, ethnicity, and the age range was younger than her (and of course, younger than me). And get this: The photo was a picture which I took (over three years ago) - a very good picture (in her workout gear) which was one of my favourite photo's of her. Healthy and sexy at the same time - and I had photoshopped it too. So she is trolling for "dates" using a favourite photo taken by her ex-husband. There's something about this that is just wrong...

- I was volunteering at a conference last weekend and asked my stbxw to look after the kids. She couldn't stay past 5 because she was going out - so I skipped the Sat dinner and came home. There's my stbxw in the kitchen, getting her party theme dress ready while my kids were in the basement watching tv. Apparently - she spent the whole afternoon getting ready for her night out. My stbxw was going to a gala fundraiser for an institution that she would NEVER visit with the kids because it was "boring". But they have the best gala parties in the city - so now she is a member...

- My kids have started pushing back about going to her place (she has a one bedroom condo). When I ask my stbxw when she is getting a more suitable place - she replies that her place is fine (in other words - fine for her, who cares what the kids think).


So I just have to shake my head. In the mind of a WS, everything is about THEM. Unfortunately, I have to deal with her on almost a daily basis because of our kids.....


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## Dreald (Aug 30, 2012)

C-man said:


> Update: thought it would be informative and amusing to post some more crap that my stbxw pulled during the past two months when I was taking a break from TAM. It will help to illustrate the extreme selfish mindset of a fogged up WS and show more about the cheater's mentality.
> 
> In no particular order.
> 
> ...


I'm sorry to hear you and your kids have to deal with such selfish/self-centered woman. It's posts like these that make me thankful that I did not have kids with my exwife, nor really want them in the future. Women simply aren't women anymore -- society/media has made them feel that they are 'special', that they are 'owed' and that if they're unhappy then they can just leave their marriage with some nice parting gifts as a result.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Never under any circumstances bad mouth their mother in front of them. Bad mouthing only makes the children resent you as their father.

If your wife bad mouths you, your children will resent her. They are going through enough because of the divorce.

Your wife is hurting the children by not letting them see you and breaking the plans. What a piece of work she is.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

No, I try to never badmouth my stbxw in front of my kids - there's no real gain by doing that. Of course, it's hard sometimes when she pulls crap like the above - it still pisses me off and that's sometimes hard to hide. Her kids are a low priority in her life - yet she wants to appear as a "SuperMom". Always on her terms and to hell with what the kids really want...

As a postscript - the Spring break was probably one of our best vacations - I took my two girls and my youngest's best friend and we had a blast.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

> - she recently joined a dating site and showed up as a match (I had a profile on the same site - now disabled because I am seeing somebody). This is not a problem. What was typical - is that her profile originally had her age as 36 (she will be 49 next month). It did not mention her kids - only her many interests (dancing, travel, looking for a "tall, dark and handsome man to sweep her off her feet"). Her target "date" was very specific, including height, eye colour, ethnicity, and the age range was younger than her (and of course, younger than me). And get this: The photo was a picture which I took (over three years ago) - a very good picture (in her workout gear) which was one of my favourite photo's of her. Healthy and sexy at the same time - and I had photoshopped it too. So she is trolling for "dates" using a favourite photo taken by her ex-husband. There's something about this that is just wrong...


:FIREdevil::FIREdevil:

Please do something about this.


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## cledus_snow (Feb 19, 2012)

sounds like your stbxw is having some kind of mid-life crisis. 

she's desperately trying to cling to some of that lost youth. sounds pretty pathetic for a woman nearing her 50's.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

cledus_snow said:


> sounds like your stbxw is having some kind of mid-life crisis.
> 
> she's desperately trying to cling to some of that lost youth. sounds pretty pathetic for a woman nearing her 50's.


Yes, she is very pathetic. She's spending a fortune on her face - going in for a series of fractional laser treatments to remove spots/wrinkles ($1,000's). Still gets quarterly Botox (about $600/treatment). Meanwhile, she complains that she can't commit to send our oldest daughter to summer camp until her taxes are done (so I registered and paid for my daughter because otherwise all the spots would be filled up). And she complained several times over the winter that skiing is something the girls don't HAVE to do - like it's a frivolous luxury for my benefit (even though I foot the bill for everything related to skiing, including equipment). She's very frugal, unless it is shopping or for her face and she has no clue that her kids actually enjoy the activities which we do together (and that we all used to do together).

Her priorities in life are totally screwed up.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

That is even more disgusting than her affair


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

warlock07: Yeah, everything is all about her and her priorities - she will never admit it, but she is just too selfish to be a parent - so being part-time suits her perfectly. Note: She makes a very good living (we have had separate finances since about our 5th year of marriage. I helped her get her current job and my family helped to get her off to a flying start). In fact, combined we made a hell of lot of money. Yet, she always brings up money as an excuse when, in fact, it's her time that is in short supply because of her priorities. She has lots of money. But... SHE doesn't like skiing, therefore - the kids must not like to ski and it's all my idea (i.e. I'm forcing them to do it). She favours our youngest daughter, so any request from our eldest gets shoved to the back burner. She does this for any activity, except shopping at the mall.


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