# Husband could jeopardize chance to have kids... does seem to care



## helpwelcome09 (Nov 25, 2009)

Me and my husband went to my Gyno for an appointment last week. He told us that due to me having lupus and lack of periods he would suggest we try to get pregnant now considering I am in good health right now and that I may need help in the process due my period being out of whack right now. He went into detail the risk that it could involve if I waited until I was older to get pregnant or if we waited the 3 years as planned then it took 2 or more years to get pregnant I would be in my late 20s to early 30s. With lupus the older you get the worse/more the disease will affect you so later down the road we don’t know what shape I will be in and if it will be good for me and the baby if I get pregnant too late. For example he had a patient with lupus before that had a child too late in her upper 30s and she died giving birth because the lupus had affected her kidney. 

My husband had wanted to wait three years after we got married to have a kid. His reasons being that he wanted to work on his car(s) and get his masters. As the time goes by however, every time it is brought up the list of reason continues to grow. Now it’s money, cars, masters and pass his CPA exam. He told me that he doesn’t want a kid right now and that is that. If I were to get pregnant now he would not be happy and it would put a strain on our marriage. The thing is if we wait because he wants to and then I can’t have a child of my own I know that I will hold it against him rather I wanted to or not. Then it would take time for me to be ready to adopt kids after I find out that I couldn’t have any of my own. He doesn’t understand it though… he said ‘if we can’t have kids later on when we try then we can just adopt its not that big of a deal. 

I had to leave after our talk and spent the night at my parent’s house. Since the talk and appointment I have thinking a lot lately about what I should do about the situation. He doesn’t seem to take in consideration the risk and what could happen to me or the baby or both if we wait. All he knows is that he wants to wait to even start to try to have kids and that is it. Nothing else matters. 

I need some opinions as to what would be the right thing to do considering the situation and perhaps they will make me realize if I am being realistic with my thoughts or if my mind is just running wild.


----------

