# Phone Snooping Poll



## IndianaJones (Feb 12, 2013)

So? Fess up people -- who snoops?


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

due to prior issues, I snoop, but very sporadically.

I know my wife snoops


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## JustTired (Jan 22, 2012)

I have snooped before plenty of times when my husband was on some bull$hit. I haven't done it in a while, but I would again.


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## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

I can and will, if given a reason or suspicion.

I've never been there yet and hopefully ever.


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## Cubby (Mar 28, 2012)

I've snooped, but don't really do it anymore. But we're free with each other's phones. Like if I'm driving, I'll have my wife send a text to someone with my phone, or she'll have me look up something on her phone if she's busy, etc. and so forth......

Secrets have no place in a healthy marriage.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

We're totally open w/ passwords for everything shared between us. She can't _remember_ half of them, but that's another issue.


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## GA HEART (Oct 18, 2011)

I snooped just last night after he talked in his sleep. (Which I should start a topic about that! LOL!) Didn't find anything, wasn't REALLY expecting to. Thank goodness.


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## coupdegrace (Oct 15, 2012)

My wife snoops all the time because of an incident I had with a female co-worker that was taken out of context. In fact, she views the phone bill just to see who I text, and it's usually a female friend and I talking about Baseball (believe it or not). I always leave my phone open because I have nothing to hide.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

I don't, but I have in the past, and I could at any time...we use each others phones freely. (Girlfriend of 4+ years)

I know she's snooped on me from time to time, and I don't mind one bit. I know that she trusts me, she just never wants to lose what we have. 

We've both been burned before, and the scars may fade, but it really changes who you are. 
You are not naïve enough to think "it could never happen to us" if it's already happened before. 

When I was married, I thought something was fishy so I installed a free ley-logger...It changed my life.

Again, during the time my ex-wife and I were separated I still snooped in a way...I had a key-logger on my laptop, which she would use to talk to people. I learned everything I needed to know about that girl. I also learned things about people I thought I could trust, like "friends" and "family"... I cut them all off.

If you need to snoop, then snoop. If my girlfriend wants to snoop through my phone or computer, I have no problem with it. Whatever she needs to put herself at ease, I have nothing to hide.

Recently I heard someone post how keyloggers and snooping are a waste of time and money/pointless, blah blah blah. I know for a fact that snooping protected me when people were conspiring against me. It gave me vital information for my divorce and shed light on the shadowy figure I thought I could trust the most...my ex-wife.

If your spouse locks their phone or computer and hides things from you, you should be seriously concerned.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

We openly share anything interesting/ juicy that either of us spoke about with someone else.. whether on the phone, work, out & about, forums....this has always been our way.... if that suddenly stopped, it would be a red flag...









In fact... when someone calls, I often put it on speakerphone.. he does too ! We only have 1 cell phone...it's only for emergencies..


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

I've never felt the need to snoop. I don't own a phone so nothing for H to snoop into.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Tulsy. Ten second version of what your ex did and what family was in on it.


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## ellaenchanted (Sep 7, 2014)

RClawson said:


> What a timely poll. A couple of weeks ago a name man's name flashed in my head. His name showed up on my wife's phone bill but i thought nothing of it because he was an IT guy at her work. When I got home I said hey what ever happened to Kyle. She said she did not know who I was talking about. I found it very odd. Then she became very nice to me for the next three days and I mean "very nice".
> 
> I found this very interesting so I ordered a years worth of statements from her phone. The next week I snoop her phone activity daily and she is now only receiving phone calls and texts from immediate family members. She is making calls and texts but they do not appear on the bill any longer. I did not even know you could make that happen. Red Flag anyone?



Yes reflag!! 
She either has another burner phone or she's using texting apps like what's app or cover. 
You need to look into it.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

RClawson said:


> She is making calls and texts but they do not appear on the bill any longer. I did not even know you could make that happen. Red Flag anyone?


Can't get any more Red than that. You have some work to do. You're here long enought to know that.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

If I stopped snooping then Mrs. the-guy would think I didn't care anymore and that's not a healthy marriage


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I do not snoop. My wife has never given me a reason in 15 years. If my gut was telling me something was up I might but I would hope I would go to her first and tell her my concerns.
My opinion would be different if there was any cheating in our past.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I could if I wanted to, but I don't. No reason to.

I have in the past, with my ex though - my instincts were screaming at me that something was off...I happened upon his phone and I snooped, and I was right.

Never done that before or since though...only with him.


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## 20yrsofmarriage (Sep 29, 2014)

tulsy said:


> I don't, but I have in the past, and I could at any time...we use each others phones freely. (Girlfriend of 4+ years)
> 
> I know she's snooped on me from time to time, and I don't mind one bit. I know that she trusts me, she just never wants to lose what we have.
> 
> ...


My husband is the computer guru. There's a p&w for his log in for the PC. I don't know it but I think he knows mine. He put the PW's so our kids wouldn't get on our profiles as theirs is restricted. I thought about asking him for it but I don't want to come across as "that" wife. 

About 7 yrs he was on some site talking to various ladies on a dating type site, but it was a message forum. I lost a lot of trust but he's a changed man (born again) and says he would never do something like that again. I've checked on him since them and never found anything suspicious so I'm afraid to revisit it, but I would snoop again in a heartbeat. Our marriage us not that great so if I saw something, I'd have a justifiable reason to ask for a divorce.

Is the key logger hard to do?


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## 20yrsofmarriage (Sep 29, 2014)

Also just bc there's a p&w doesn't mean anything. I don't want him knowing that I'm posting here about our marital problems, so if he grabbed my phone/iPad I'd act nervous, but it doesn't meant I'm guilty of anything.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

You should have all his passwords and he should had all of yours.


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## 20yrsofmarriage (Sep 29, 2014)

richie33 said:


> You should have all his passwords and he should had all of yours.


I have nothing to hide but I like my privacy, which there is no privacy when you're married but there should be something just for you.Of course if I ever gave him reason not to trust me, I'd feel like it was some sort of penance, and I wouldn't mind. I have no idea if he's ever snooped but he's never been the jealous type, and he knows I'm not the cheating type. He won't even open my mail or go in my purse.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

richie33 said:


> I do not snoop. My wife has never given me a reason in 15 years. *If my gut was telling me something was up I might but I would hope I would go to her first and tell her my concerns.*
> My opinion would be different if there was any cheating in our past.


That rarely works out, by the way.


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> That rarely works out, by the way.


We haven't had any long term TAM members with new suspicions pop up. But if we do, I figure it will be a bit epic.


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## ILuvTheDesserts (Aug 29, 2014)

Never had to. I have my wife's passcode and she has mine for our cells  

It's very comforting to be in a relationship like this where neither are paranoid nor concerned about issues like having to snoop around !?


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

We have each others passwords to everything and use each others phones, answer each others phones, text from each others phones, look at each others emails and texts all the time. We reserve privacy for the bathroom only, but even then joining each other in the shower is an open invitation. (He will never both me if I am soaking in the tub though)


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I don't look at his phone at all anymore. I realized the only time I checked out his phone in the past was during the time I was doing inappropriate things online.So my paranoia was stemming from my own wrongdoing. I could look if I wanted to look but ever since being in therapy again and stopping all bad behavior I have no need and no desire. 
He can look at my phone and I no longer delete things from it. He can view my full internet history and text history,passwords,etc as well as any files on our computer from my phone's back ups if he doesn't trust that I haven't deleted things from my phone. I used to make it so my phone didn't get backed up to our computer but now I do it religiously in case he wants to see.I don't call it snooping if he wants to see every thing...I haven't earned the right to privacy at this point so why would he give it without question.


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## mlim (Oct 5, 2014)

I never snooped on my boyfriend. He has never given me a reason to not trust him and that's one of the best things about this relationship! I feel so sorry for those of you that feel the need to because it's not a good relationship if you're worried.

Believe me, I used to snoop on my ex because he gave me a reason to be suspicious. People said it wasn't right but there would always be such fishy things and make me really wonder....I don't think I really trusted him.


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## Garry2012 (Oct 5, 2012)

Time for the VAR again.....


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## Longtermer (Oct 1, 2014)

I don't snoop but I don't need to. Husband leaves his phone everywhere and is forever asking me to answer it cause he's elsewhere in the house.


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## Shoto1984 (Apr 11, 2009)

I never did until the "then wife" gave me reason to. Turned out I was right and what a story the phone records told. Pathetic.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I don't look at his phone at all anymore. I realized the only time I checked out his phone in the past was during the time I was doing inappropriate things online.So my paranoia was stemming from my own wrongdoing. I could look if I wanted to look but ever since being in therapy again and stopping all bad behavior I have no need and no desire.
> He can look at my phone and I no longer delete things from it. He can view my full internet history and text history,passwords,etc as well as any files on our computer from my phone's back ups if he doesn't trust that I haven't deleted things from my phone. I used to make it so my phone didn't get backed up to our computer but now I do it religiously in case he wants to see.I don't call it snooping if he wants to see every thing...I haven't earned the right to privacy at this point so why would he give it without question.


It's good to see you back, Scarlet, and I'm sorry for your troubles.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I never did in my previous marriage. But if I ever did marry again that would be one of the "must do's" that would be on the list


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

GTdad said:


> It's good to see you back, Scarlet, and I'm sorry for your troubles.


Yeah Scarlett, you probaby don't recognize me because I'm "under new management"  But its really good to see you back. Peace and blessings.


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## southern wife (Jul 22, 2011)

Yes I've snooped. STBX always deleted his texts. I always thought that was red flag. But from what I saw, was normal BS between him and his guy friends.

Snooped since separation due to VERY strong gut feelings; turns out I was right. Walked away fast! When I say gut feelings, I mean they punch me in the gut to where I can't eat and start feeling very anxious. I hate that, but glad for the gut feelings.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> Tulsy. Ten second version of what your ex did and what family was in on it.


What she did: 
Lie, cheat and steal. 

Who knew: 
Her friends, some of our mutual friends, her sister and mother, her sister's husband (supposed to be a friend, but was setting her up with his buddy), my own mother, etc.

I used a free keylogger, called "actual keylogger" (akstart) to protect myself. It did the job.

That's the 10 second version.


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## Elk87 (Oct 8, 2012)

Several months ago I began to feel my wife was "drifting." Like I was losing her love/interest. I asked her about how she was feeling, how life/marriage was, etc. and she said good. I didn't buy it. Actions speak louder than words and she wasn't affectionate toward me, would roll her eyes a lot, short-fused, and so-on. 

So I read some of her emails she had written to an old friend. She confessed that she didn't feel "in love" with me anymore and that I just "didn't do it" for her. 

I finally came clean about my snooping and discovery. She was super pissed that I breached her privacy. I explained that she gave me reason to and my reasons were now confirmed. She didn't care about the justification. Was pissed. So then neither of us trusted the other and are still struggling with that a bit. 

We've received some marital counseling, but I often wonder if she's still feeling that way. 

Not a good place to be.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I definitely snoop now but not as often as I did before I decided to give him a 2nd chance. Before reconciling I was vetting him heavily to ensure I wasn't being played for a fool.

He is transparent with everything now, so I'm not even sure I'd have to call it snooping. It's all there for me to look at whenever I want. He also doesn't guard his cellphone as he was doing when he was unfaithful and has recommitted to family/home, actions match words etc. 

Don't wish to be naive and will never get complacent but the transparency has certainly put me at ease that I really don't need to check very often. 

One thing I learned is that you really can trust your gut... I don't get those powerful, anxiety inducing bad feelings anymore. So more than I do him, I trust in my intuition that things are okay. unless your nature is to be paranoid or insecure/possessive a bad feeling is usually a sign something is wrong. If something smells off it probably is. So far nothing stinks lol.


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

monkeyboy said:


> Several months ago I began to feel my wife was "drifting." Like I was losing her love/interest. I asked her about how she was feeling, how life/marriage was, etc. and she said good. I didn't buy it. Actions speak louder than words and she wasn't affectionate toward me, would roll her eyes a lot, short-fused, and so-on.
> 
> So I read some of her emails she had written to an old friend. She confessed that she didn't feel "in love" with me anymore and that I just "didn't do it" for her.
> 
> ...


You did the right thing.


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

My wife and & discussed this the other nite, we both 'snoop' and don't think twice about it. We have passwords on the phone and both know each other's. I've given her reason for concern in the past but only because I didn't see a coworkers advances and thought I was 'helping'. Part of my Nice Guy syndrome that I didn't realize I had until I read about it here. 

As we discussed it she posited that because of our age (late 30s/early 40s) we view the privacy of a phone differently. We grew up in an age where you could listen to the entire family's messages on the answering machine. The personal cell is a relatively new thing, so our views of privacy differ from those who are younger. I found that an interesting viewpoint and likely valid, though there are plenty as old or older who think their phone is 'personal & private' even in a marriage. 

Cheers,
V(13)


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## otayman (Sep 20, 2013)

My advice would be just don't do it unless you honestly believe he/she is cheating on you. I found a text bad mouthing me to her friend about a christmas present. It was just venting but pissed me off. Then I am moody all christmas and can't tell her why. So do yourself a favor and just don't snoop!


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

GTdad said:


> It's good to see you back, Scarlet, and I'm sorry for your troubles.





thefam said:


> Yeah Scarlett, you probaby don't recognize me because I'm "under new management"  But its really good to see you back. Peace and blessings.


Thank you...I'm the cause of my troubles but I'm working on that.


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