# So hurt and confused



## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

Does being married for 25 years make a difference? He pulled away from me and our 3 kids for months. He wouldn't do anything with the kids and show little affection to me. During this time he had to spend weeks with his ailing parents (2 hours away) and come home on weekends. Then suddenly he packed and walked out and said he was done with me. Said he wasn't happy and hadn't been for a couple of years. 1 month later, we talked (and he was happy to speak to me and had missed me) I went to his parents and we rented a place close to his parents. Suddenly he said there was a woman, RUB in my face badly, even in my kids faces. Claims "this" wasn't about another woman, had nothing to do with our problems. (don't know what the problems were, he has never said) I left 3 months ago, I couldn't take the "other woman talk". He told my oldest son who is grown, he loved me but couldn't take the fighting. The fighting was due to him rubbing the other woman in my face. We all think he is having a midlife crisis, he has all the signs! His family, nor us could ever find anything to say he was seeing someone else, except his words. He calls me, acts like he really wants to talk (just chit chat) and shows it really cares about me. Claims he is tired of me being hurt and claims he won't "hurt" me again with his words. We finally had a long talk and he said he cares, respects me, and has loved me, but just can't now. I asked him if there really was another woman, that I needed to know for closer. He said yes there was, but it had nothing to do with destroying our marriage, it was already over. He talks in riddles, sounds so confused and is drinking now, lying,etc. He acts nothing like his self. I don't even know who he is. My kids won't even speak to him, because of all the lies he has told them and has hurt them. He's not interested in conciling or anything. But he the few times he has talked to the kids, he has told them he didn't know if we would work it out we would see. I'm seeing a lawyer next week to get papers. Need to protect me and the kids, with the house. I just don't understand how he can just turn off the love, but seems to care so much at the sametime and his voice sounds like he misses me so much when we go awhile and not talk. He was a great father and loved his kids so much. Now he only text them once in awhile and has told me they know where I am at if they want to fix it. He doesn't get he has to do the fixing with them, he did the damage. I bounce around from believing he did just turn off the love and I need to move on, to he is very confused and just needs space to get his self together. I don't understand how someone can change so much. The friends he has made have also left their wivies, don't know how much that affects him. Any advice? I still want to save my marriage. He's all I have know since I was 18! Now 44. Should I just stop talking to him and hope he figures out what he has lost or should I keep talking to him and try to build the friendship part back and hope it gets us somewhere? Does being married for so long make it more likely? Any advice would help! forgot to add. He has flip-flopped about his feeling for months. One day he would say he loved me the next it would be different. He was worried I would leave, then he wanted out. He was seeing a woman then he wasn't. No matter what he would say, he would say the opposite next. This went on for months till I left and came back home.


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## findingpeace (Mar 14, 2009)

First I am sorry for your pain I would recomend you read a book by DR james dobson , Love must be tough,some times pulling away is the best way to get your partners attention it is very hard to do for the faithfull spouse but it gives your spouse a thought they are losing you forever try these two things but first read the book be stong and love god and yourself


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## foreverhurt (Mar 15, 2009)

Thanks I will get this book and read. I finally asked him what were the problems we were having, because I didn't know what they were. He said he didn't know, that I hadn't done anything. Please advise. Should I just cut off all contact and hope it get it together or keep talking to him? He claims he is seeing someone, but "she" doesn't have anything to do with our marriage falling apart. Yea right.


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