# He keeps trying it on!



## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

I posted here in about September last year. My wife had taken up contact with an old boyfriend via facebook. He is on another continent, but they ended up having a sexual text exchange. I was monitoring, found out, and confronted. NC was established, and wife and I have a stronger relationship.

My wife now understands what an EA is, and how easily things can go wrong without firm boundaries. She has been great, open to talking about it, why, how, what it means to us as a couple. I have access to phone and computer etc.

Problem is, OM keeps trying to make contact. He keeps asking if her and I are okay. Like he gives a fudge.

My wife is beginning to see that this guy is a predatory eedjit, and immediately shows me when he messages. Its been four messages since NC. First time she responded, at my request with a simple No Contact. He cant comprehend or read it seems.

Now, she simply does not respond, at my request.

There is no question here, I am just astounded that this eedjit keeps trying. 

What a tool


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

He was unfriended immediately after I became aware of him. You do not need to be a friend on fbook to send a message. Blocking him however makes perfect sense.


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

You might be able to have a frank conversation with him. I think that is what I would do, I understand it as out place as men I think.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

Maybe along the lines of letting telling him this is your wife and and family.... And reiterate that "the lady said your bothering her... Are we going to have any issues" and that might even have the added benefit of making you a knight of sorts.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## brokenhearted118 (Jan 31, 2013)

Blocking him on FB will make your wife invisible to him. If he attempts to search her or message her, she does NOT "exist" on FB. How come you never did this from day one? Is that his only way to contact her?


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I think Plan 9 makes an excellent point. She knows how to block people on FB. The fact that she did not indicates that she had no wish to do so. Maybe she enjoying knowing that he still wants her.


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

Neither of us are very tech savvy. She is not having contact. It was all on FB, and I am able to log onto her FB. She leaves her phone open, her computer open etc. 

We will now block him. However he sent her an email this week. He was asking her if FB was not an option could they communicate another way. She immediately sent me the email, and we agreed to not respond.

Does she like the attention - not anymore. Lowering boundaries and "chatting" with him cost her a lot. She appears realy irritated when he tries again.

There is definitely no more contact


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

oddball said:


> I posted here in about September last year. My wife had taken up contact with an old boyfriend via facebook. He is on another continent, but they ended up having a sexual text exchange. I was monitoring, found out, and confronted. NC was established, and wife and I have a stronger relationship.
> 
> My wife now understands what an EA is, and how easily things can go wrong without firm boundaries. She has been great, open to talking about it, why, how, what it means to us as a couple. I have access to phone and computer etc.
> 
> ...


She needs to block him, but the key is to NEVER acknowledge the contact at all. Once is a disaster and could keep him going after her for decades.

She brought this on herself. BUT this means you need to keep monitoring continuosly. Does she tell you EVERY time he tries?


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

oddball said:


> I posted here in about September last year. My wife had taken up contact with an old boyfriend via facebook. He is on another continent, but they ended up having a sexual text exchange. I was monitoring, found out, and confronted. NC was established, and wife and I have a stronger relationship.
> 
> My wife now understands what an EA is, and how easily things can go wrong without firm boundaries. She has been great, open to talking about it, why, how, what it means to us as a couple. I have access to phone and computer etc.
> 
> ...


She needs to block him, but the key is to NEVER acknowledge the contact at all. Once is a disaster and could keep him going after her for decades.

She brought this on herself. BUT this means you need to keep monitoring continuosly. Does she tell you EVERY time he tries? She broke NC. This is why he feels he just needs to keep trying. Indeed it IS likely she will at some point respond.

Be aware that she will not go through withdrawal until all this contact ceases. Then it may take a couple of months after this. Just him trying to contact her will cause the problem. her responding is breaking NC.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Does he have a wife or SO?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

oddball said:


> He was unfriended immediately after I became aware of him. You do not need to be a friend on fbook to send a message. Blocking him however makes perfect sense.


Blocking must be done. But also realize he will just get another account. If they used facebook for the affair, time to shut down FB altogether.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

FrusteratedJoey said:


> You might be able to have a frank conversation with him. I think that is what I would do, I understand it as out place as men I think.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He is remote so there is not much a conversation will do to warn him off.

Begging a guy not to take your wife is weak. It will only encourage him. It sends the message to the guy that he is making progress. That the husband is desperate. That his messages are reaching the wife. It is a form of indirect contact. Crazy? Sure.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

brokenhearted118 said:


> Blocking him on FB will make your wife invisible to him. If he attempts to search her or message her, she does NOT "exist" on FB. How come you never did this from day one? Is that his only way to contact her?


This is the very simple solution.

Also make sure her privacy settings are set that no one can search her or see anything. This way if he searches her with a fake account he will get nothing as well..

Take the simple time to sit down and just go through all the settings. FB has a help section that will answer many of these questions as well. Just type in how do a I block someone from seeing me on FB and it will give you info.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> I'm just throwing it out there as food for thought. Who is more savvy with FB - you or her? If it's her, and she didn't block him, then you may still have issues now or down the road since she probably knows about the block option but didn't put it in place (keeping channels open???). If you are the one that's more tech savvy, then you messed up in not blocking him at the beginning, and you need to make it happen today.


Agreed. Not blocking him is a form of contact. Meaning they can still see each others posts depending on security settings.

No. Time to shut down the FB account.


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

A funny thought occurs to me.
Pretend to be your wife and text back that you want to run away with him but need money. Give him the address of a po box and tell him the amount of a decent plane ticket and some minor expenses. He will either disappear or send money. If he sends money buy yourself something nice. Then go dark.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ovid (Oct 11, 2012)

Make sure she longer has access to the account first.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

oddball said:


> I posted here in about September last year. My wife had taken up contact with an old boyfriend via facebook. He is on another continent, but they ended up having a sexual text exchange. I was monitoring, found out, and confronted. NC was established, and wife and I have a stronger relationship.
> 
> My wife now understands what an EA is, and how easily things can go wrong without firm boundaries. She has been great, open to talking about it, why, how, what it means to us as a couple. I have access to phone and computer etc.
> 
> ...


I think you should be his best buddy. Email him. A lot.:FIREdevil:


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

Thanks everyone. He is now blocked, and her security settings have been strengthened. At this stage I will allow her to maintain a facebook account. Our agreement was that if she communicated with him FB would go. She has however been open and transparent and has informed me every time he has tried to make contact. I have been monitoring without her knowing, and she is on the level.

We have both learnt a lot from this experience. She is truly remorseful, and really does not get excited when he sends a message. This ea had no I love yous, and only lasted about 4 weeks before it was ended. So by many accounts it was mild, but it did have a big impact on our relationship, our honesty with each other, and a commitment to firm boundaries.


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## FrusteratedJoey (Jun 16, 2012)

Did you contact him? At worst, he hangs up on you. At best, you have made yourself clear.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

No, I dont want to contact him. I think it looks weak. IN the NC letter my wife sent she made it clear that she felt it was not appropriate for our marriage to be in contact. 

She must, and is maintaining no contact.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Again, is he married or in a relationship?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 1lostintranslation (Apr 10, 2012)

Just because she unfriended him doesn't mean a thing. You can actually request on fb settings to not get messages from people not on your friend list. Prevents people from doing so. I am sure she must know this, it is an option that comes up in settings clear as day. Which leads me to believe she doesn't want to.


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## oddball (Sep 5, 2012)

@Pbear, he is divorced and not in a relationship.

She is relieved he is blocked. we are not very tech savvy. 

She is committed to me.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

oddball said:


> I posted here in about September last year. My wife had taken up contact with an old boyfriend via facebook. He is on another continent, but they ended up having a sexual text exchange. I was monitoring, found out, and confronted. NC was established, and wife and I have a stronger relationship.
> 
> My wife now understands what an EA is, and how easily things can go wrong without firm boundaries. She has been great, open to talking about it, why, how, what it means to us as a couple. I have access to phone and computer etc.
> 
> ...


This has probably worked for him in the past.

Make sure it doesn't. this time. *Out him. *


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