# Dauhgter gets sweaty mom blows a gasket.



## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

This is bugging me to no end. 

My wife wants me to play with our daughter which I am happy to do but the second she thinks she is getting the least bit sweaty ol mom pulls the plug on the whole thing. 

I wouldn't mind it so much but then she keeps the poor kid dressed in three layers of clothes even though I have the house at 72. On top of that most evenings she keeps the radiant heater in the living room on pushing it to near 80 where me and the poor kid are already at borderline sweating without even moving. 

I mean I know my wife has a general dislike for physical exercise and does her best to avoid serious level of it and makes a big stink if she so much as begins to perspire but I find it rather unfair to come down on me and our daughter for playing actively enough to begin to mildly perspire. 

BTW personally I don't consider it true sweating until actual dampness can be seen on clothing and it's not a good workout until I am darn near soaked head to toe!  

What's up with that?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

no idea whats up with that. i would tell her to but out of playtime or come up with a GOOD reason why sweating is not acceptable. at least then you can discuss it and do something to calm her fears while at the same time being able to play with your daughter. 

does she think that sweating is unsafe? does she fear heat stroke or something?

my four year old daughter likes to do pushups, situps, squats, and the plank with me when i work out. it is not unsafe. i dont push her past what she is willing do go. in fact, i dont push her at all. she enjoys it. she is never in any danger. 

why does your wife pull the plug when your daughter begins to sweat?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Can you not override her? I know parents are supposed to show a united front etc, but if one parent is just being a jerk, I think it's okay for the other to tell them to pull their head in.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> why does your wife pull the plug when your daughter begins to sweat?


Sweating = getting sick and or getting cold = getting sick in her mind. 

Dress warm so you don't get sick but don't sweat or you will get sick.

The poor kid is 5 and doesn't know how to go to the bathroom by herself or sleep alone and has no clue about how to dress or undress according to how warm or cold she feels.

I try to assert my views on these things but to be honest most of the time I would rather just sacrifice the poor kid than deal with ol moms wrath.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

Suggest that your W wears a few extra layers of clothing and turn the heating down to a level comfortable for you and your DD.

The human body is made for exercise and your DD should be encouraged to move about, not discouraged. Kids get sweaty (and dirty) - it's what they do - and that's what baths and showers are for.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

married tech said:


> Sweating = getting sick and or getting cold = getting sick in her mind.
> 
> Dress warm so you don't get sick but don't sweat or you will get sick.
> 
> ...


OMG that's not healthy at all! 

1. Your daughter needs to be allowed to pick out her own clothes, at least on occasion. Dress herself as well. YOU show her how to do this. If mom butts in, tel her to back off. Your daughter NEEDS to be able to do these things for herself! Who does it for her at school? Wait... is she in kindergarten? I can GUARANTEE the teachers aren't dressing/undressing her if she has to use the bathroom or has an accident at school. And going outside for recess, SHE has to do for herself. They will help zip and snap, but the rest is up to the child... unless there is serious struggle with snowpants, jackets, etc. Still, the child has to do as much for himself/herself as possible.

2. DO NOT BACK DOWN rather than face the wrath of mom! If YOU won't speak up for your daughter, WHO WILL?? She NEEDS you to stand up for her. You know this!

3. She doesn't sleep alone? As in mom sleeps in your daughter's bed, with your daughter, instead of with you? You know, my youngest is 5. He slept in our room until last week. He had his own bed in there, though. The only reason for this is because the only beds we had were a toddler bed and bunk beds. Our daughter is too big for the toddler bed, so the bunk beds were separated into two rooms for our 12 year old son and our daughter. She just had a bed given to her, so the bunk beds were put back together and now the youngest is in the same room as his brother. My point is that unless there is some GOOD reason for your wife to sleep in with your daughter, she shouldn't be. Your daughter needs to be in her room and you and your wife in yours. 

I'm just surprised that you would rather let your daughter suffer than to cross your wife. *smh* Sweating is fine. My kids sweat when they start dancing around, playing. They're having FUN. Is she going to sit in gym class, looking for the first sign of sweat and make your daughter sit down? Think about that. Don't sacrifice your daughter just to avoid your wife's wrath!


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## sparkyjim (Sep 22, 2012)

Some studies seem to show that there is a connection between asthma and children who were kept in too clean of an environment. Truth is that we were made to get dirty, made to expose ourselves to life.

Avoiding sweating seems like a futile obsession, and hardly could be deemed healthy. We sweat for a reason, and it is not unhealthy. In fact many toxins are released through sweat. Keeping that all inside of you doesn't seem like a good idea. 

I have a Native American friend and he swears by the sweat lodges that they have.

But good luck with this. It is going to take a huge revelation for your wife to change her way of thinking about this.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Are you not a parent to your child as well?

Physical activity is important for a HEALTHY growing child. 

Mom needs some psychiatric intervention - unless, of course you want your daughter (and any other potential children you may make) to grow up dysfunctional, ocd and possibly obese....all of which will make childhood miserable, teenage years worse and adulthood pathetic. 

If you are already being dominated by your wife in these weird and albeit small ways - you are setting yourself and your future for failure.

And you should be ashamed of yourself for - in your own words- sacrificing your child to escape the wrath of your wife.

Just wow. A parent's job is to teach a child how to care for themselves and how to relate in this world. You and your wife are failing miserably......

Get your mother and mother in law to assist u in fixing this...do something. Leave it alone and you are headed for even more trouble.


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## Unique Username (Jul 6, 2013)

Turning down the thermostat will also save you some cash you could use to buy your daughter some exercise equipment....or toys that make one physical.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

married tech said:


> I try to assert my views on these things but to be honest most of the time I would rather just sacrifice the poor kid than deal with ol moms wrath.


Seriously? Seriously?!?!

Your wife is a helicopter parent, which is obviously unhealthy for your daughter. You know it, see it, but don't feel like doing anything about it? Sounds like your daughter has two unhealthy parents.

You are her father. Your job is to protect her and do whatever you possibly can to ensure she grows up into a healthy, functional, contributing member of society. That won't happen if you aren't willing to protect her from your wife's brand of crazy. I suggest you rummage around in your wife's purse until you locate your missing testicles and retrieve them from her clutches. Then stop throwing away your daughter because you're too afraid to man-up with your wife. 

Seriously.


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

married tech said:


> Sweating = getting sick and or getting cold = getting sick in her mind.
> 
> Dress warm so you don't get sick but don't sweat or you will get sick.
> 
> ...


Take your daughter to the doctor for a check-up and you all three go. Ask the doctor about it. If your wife won't listen to you, she'll listen to a professional. 

Purchase the book Ages 1 through 5, written as a compilation of the AAP. It actually goes above and beyond to age 12 if I recall - addressing puberty, etc. but tells what to do for everything in regards to raising a child. High fever - when to go to dr and so on.

Does she think exercise is bad? I mean, everywhere you turn there are articles on exercise and how it's required for a healthy heart and body. Even if your kid doesn't end up overweight, she'll end up skinny-fat with zero muscle tone if she can't just run and play and perspire.

Her being a helicopter parent is doing the child no justice. Soon she'll be in school and she can't go to the bathroom by herself?!?!? 

*You need to grow a big ole pair of balls.* You are sacrificing your child's well being just so you can avoid an argument. You have to take a stand. Let her get in a huff. Tell her you feel strongly about this and you won't back down - you're putting your foot down. The house temp stays at 70 and the kid dresses in ONE layer at that temp.

(BTW I appreciate your honesty - that had to be hard - but you have to take a stand.)


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Unique Username said:


> Mom needs some psychiatric intervention - unless, of course you want your daughter (and any other potential children you may make) to grow up dysfunctional, ocd and possibly obese....all of which will make childhood miserable, teenage years worse and adulthood pathetic.


:iagree:

This is probably beyond self-help at this point. Mom needs professional evaluation.

I would guess her childhood involved some serious dysfunction. You're not going to be able to use logic to change her mind. Or, she has a true mental illness due to some kind of chemistry problem.

I suggest she see a license Clinical Psychologist. This is a person with a Ph.D. in psychology who is qualified to diagnose your wife's issues. Psych*ologist*s work with Psychiatrists if meds are indicated. The Psych*iatrist* is an MD, which is required if meds need to be prescribed. Psych*iatrist*s usually do not have training or expertise in dealing with issues which are treated with counseling.

You could start with your Pediatrician. I'm sure he/she would confirm that vigorous physical activity is *necessary* for your child. This may be a way for you to bring some pressure on your wife to look at herself and perhaps agree to changing.

Ultimately, this to me would be a divorce level boundary. Mom is going to harm your child if this continues. Your child's health and entire life is at stake here. If your wife won't make a substantial effort and real progress, I would divorce over this.

If you do divorce, you would have custody at least 50% of the time, perhaps even full custody if you can prove she is dangerous to the child. When the child is with you, you have 100% control to provide a healthy upbringing. IMO this is a far better situation than your current one.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> Are you not a parent to your child as well?


No I am not the biological father. She came from Turkey and we just brought her home to the US a few months ago. 
She turned 5 after the school year started so she won't be in kindergarten until next fall. That also means I am new to this parenting concept. 



> Your wife is a helicopter parent, which is obviously unhealthy for your daughter. You know it, see it, but don't feel like doing anything about it? Sounds like your daughter has two unhealthy parents.


It helps keep her from hovering over me and every detail of my life 24 hours a day.  



> And you should be ashamed of yourself for - in your own words- sacrificing your child to escape the wrath of your wife.


I learned two things in life a long time ago. 
1: Never get between a mother and her child regardless of species and 2. Never get between crazy and her reality. Neither end well. 



> This is probably beyond self-help at this point. Mom needs professional evaluation.


Yea (see my previous threads for more info on that of which I am dealing with one day at a time) I went to a MC a few weeks ago and when I told my wife about her going next all hell broke loose but in return she greatly shaped up her act towards me so that she/we would not have to go next for her evaluation towards her getting a possible professional psych review. 



> You need to grow a big ole pair of balls. You are sacrificing your child's well being just so you can avoid an argument.


I have a big pair of brass one that clang when I walk but I am required to take them off (along with my shoes) when I come in house so that they don't make so much noise. 



> Does she think exercise is bad? I mean, everywhere you turn there are articles on exercise and how it's required for a healthy heart and body. Even if your kid doesn't end up overweight, she'll end up skinny-fat with zero muscle tone if she can't just run and play and perspire.


I am aware and we will be doing far more active stuff this summer once we can go outside more. 0 to -15 F is not good for a kid who is not sure how to react to the temperatures we have. Plus she came from city life in a mediterranean climate so this is all new to her. Granted so far she seems to love being outside regardless of the weather!


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

married tech said:


> No I am not the biological father. She came from Turkey and we just brought her home to the US a few months ago.


So you BOTH adopted her. She is just as much your daughter as hers. Throwing the biological component in there is a cop out.



married tech said:


> She turned 5 after the school year started so she won't be in kindergarten until next fall.


At this rate, she will be ill equipped for school.



married tech said:


> It helps keep her from hovering over me and every detail of my life 24 hours a day.


Wow...so let her hover over your daughter, hindering her growth is a better option. That poor little girl. 



married tech said:


> I learned two things in life a long time ago.
> 1: Never get between a mother and her child regardless of species and 2. Never get between crazy and her reality. Neither end well.


Suck it up and stand up to her. You have just as much right to parent YOUR DAUGHTER as her mother does. Good grief! 



married tech said:


> Yea (see my previous threads for more info on that of which I am dealing with one day at a time) I went to a MC a few weeks ago and when I told my wife about her going next all hell broke loose but in return she greatly shaped up her act towards me so that she/we would not have to go next for her evaluation towards her getting a possible professional psych review.


Ah, so she plays nice to avoid getting diagnosed as "nuts". Got it... and you let her get away with this. Wow....



married tech said:


> I have a big pair of brass one that clang when I walk but I am required to take them off (along with my shoes) when I come in house so that they don't make so much noise.


Yea, I'd suggest taking them off the wall, and keeping them with you, but I don't think that will do any good. She'll just take them from you, anyway. And you'll let her. 

Again, I say, I feel sorry for your daughter. It's clear her mother isn't the only parent with issues.


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## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

> No I am not the biological father. She came from Turkey and we just brought her home to the US a few months ago.
> She turned 5 after the school year started so she won't be in kindergarten until next fall. That also means I am new to this parenting concept.


Is your wife Turkish? If so, this could be a cultural thing...


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> So you BOTH adopted her. She is just as much your daughter as hers. Throwing the biological component in there is a cop out.


I am on new ground here with being a parent! For most of my life I never planned to get married let alone become a parent so adjusting to having a smart outgoing 5 year old is still rather new to me. 



> At this rate, she will be ill equipped for school.


Yes that is my concern. Granted I think she knows how to do that sort of stuff already so it won't be a big problem. I think her going to school is going to be more of a issue for mom than it will for her.



> Wow...so let her hover over your daughter, hindering her growth is a better option. That poor little girl.





> Again, I say, I feel sorry for your daughter. It's clear her mother isn't the only parent with issues.


If you knew me you would know full well I have never claimed I was not at least a bit selfish of which that is a large part of why I never thought I would get married or become a parent. I have always had doubts about my ability to be a parent. 

I put a lot of work into building the lifestyle I have and that was largely at the expense of not feeling the need to have other people in my life. That said I love having my little sweaty now! She is one of the best things I have ever had in my life. :smthumbup::smthumbup::butterfly::butterfly:


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> Is your wife Turkish? If so, this could be a cultural thing...


Yes some of it is cultural based but I find a good deal of it to be based more on them having been separated for the last 2 1/2 years of life due to moms international travel for work plus coming to live here with me. 

We would have went and got her sooner but if anyone here has had to deal with international immigration and related bureaucracy of us getting married followed by getting her daughter over here the getting things knocked out in 2 years was doing things surprisingly fast! 

To some effect I feel the over parenting is her way of making up for not being there for her for the last 2 1/2 years. 

BTW this morning daughter just laid down the fact that "Mom, you don't have to help me pee every time."  

Progress is being made. :smthumbup:


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

If your significant other was clearly convinced that the moon was a spaceship put there to watch us humans and the governments are all ran by aliens would you still think they are perfectly fine? 

Wait, does she believe this?


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

married tech said:


> Sweating = getting sick and or getting cold = getting sick in her mind.
> 
> Dress warm so you don't get sick but don't sweat or you will get sick.
> 
> ...


Please tell me this thread is a joke. Cause this makes me sad.

Your wife is making up her own rules about human physiology.


*First: Some Fun Science Facts
*

You DO NOT get 'a cold' from being cold. We get sick in the winter because we spend more time indoors surrounded by other people and breathing in poorly circulating air.

Sweating has NOTHING to do with it. 

Also, just some cool things about our skin:

Your upper-layer of skin (epidermis) is completely dead---this is very deliberate, and it means it gets to function like a barren desert to all the bacteria that hop on it daily...and it's a desert that conveniently sloughs off in layers.

Your sweat is a part of that 'desert creating' effect. Salt is anti-septic. 

It acts as a desiccant for microbes.

So if anything, every time you sweat, you're essentially giving your skin a 'germ flush'.

There's nothing unhealthy about it. It's a vital function.

Our internal body MUST stay very close to 98.6 degrees or these cells comprising it will die.

(*Non-essential-Note: people's underarms have a different kind of sweat gland, that releases amino and fatty acids, so bacteria have nutrients to consume--and that's why armpits smell)


*Second Part: Blunt Honesty
*

_"I try to assert my views on these things but to be honest most of the time I would rather just sacrifice the poor kid than deal with ol moms wrath."_


This is not a cute thing to say. This is horrible. I mean that. 

_And I really hope I can convince you of that...
_
You're a father.

You elected to become a father.

Your daughter did not get a choice in this matter.

She did not get to choose her mom or dad.

So she's stuck with you, for better or worse.

And, until she reaches adulthood, your *foremost obligation in life *is seeing to her welfare and protection. Always.

Even at the expense of your own.

You don't get to sacrifice your kid because you're too cowardly to deal with a shrew-like wife.

That's pathetic. Ignoble. Dishonorable.

And you are a *Bad Father* if you don't start using yourself as a shield to protect your daughter from your wife's craziness.

_She_ should matter more to _you_, than you matter to _yourself_.

And it's not looking that way at the present...

That needs to change

Starting right now.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Contrary to popular belief there are helicopter parents and there are helicopter parents. I have two girls in college and I'm still helicoptering them from afar 


There's probably a cellular tower named after me with all the texts I send and receive. Most of them nonsensical (10 pictures a day of DesignDaughter's roommate's evil cat and another 10 of PreMedFrenchDaughter's adventures in the bio lab...) 

There's healthy helicoptering, trust me. Both girls stay in contact all the time and enjoy being helicoptered.

The sweat is bad thing is cultural. Sweat -> chills -> cold -> pneumonia - > Ebola for all they know. I always laugh when I'm in Chicago in April and Indian or other warm climate Asian moms stuff their kids into moon suit parkas...


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## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

It sounds to me like mom *is* trying to make up for the 2 1/2 years apart. Married_tech, have you ever talked to your wife about how SHE feels about that long separation? 

I think if you can be a non-judgmental listener and offer support and love, perhaps you can help her recognize that she is overcompensating. She may feel like she "chose" you over her daughter, and there could be other family members or friends who say things like this to her. (I speak as a woman who gave custody of our daughters to their dad so I could join the Army. There were many valid reasons for my decision, but the result was that the children and I heard that I "abandoned" them countless times...usually from people who would NOT make sure that they had a safe home, mind you, but that's my personal grudge. Anyway...your support could be extremely important to her!) 

If she discovers that you understand why she might feel that way, and that you love her (and your daughter) anyway, then perhaps you can gently urge her to do what she already knows needs to happen: relationship development between your child and you. 

Instead of playing at home, why not take your daughter to a park or to a restaurant that has a play area? Maybe take her to the library to pick out some books. Things like this are less likely to trigger your wife's anxiety about what is and is not too hot. Even though many of us might think she is being unreasonable, I think she might have good logic behind her concerns. Her daughter has moved from an area where the average temperature is MUCH higher than zero degrees, after all! Your wife isn't a doctor, and may feel like she doesn't know how to see the difference between simply perspiring and the signs of a fever, and if your child is not acclimated yet, it's GOOD that she's worrying a bit. I'd be more concerned if she didn't have any concern at all. 

So my recommendation would be to look for how each of you can "win" here. Spend time with your daughter in ways that show your wife you're being a great dad, but avoid triggering her anxiety for now. Meanwhile, look for opportunities for her to learn more about what is and is not safe for your daughter, and to learn that she's a good mom even though there was such a long absence from her daughter.

Above all, PLEASE avoid thinking of her as a "helicopter" parent. Her response may seem strange to us, but I am seeing a lot of GOOD reasons for her behavior, and these behaviors will fade when they're no longer needed.


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

married tech said:


> I learned two things in life a long time ago.
> 1: Never get between a mother and her child regardless of species and 2. Never get between crazy and her reality. Neither end well.


Maybe you learned wrong.

My wife learned a long time ago not to get in the way of me raising my son with some superstitious, irrational, and unhealthy nonsense.

You're one of those guys, though, huh?


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## Interlocutor (Dec 29, 2011)

IndiaInk said:


> Please tell me this thread is a joke. Cause this makes me sad.
> 
> Your wife is making up her own rules about human physiology.
> 
> ...


Amen, good summary... It's the freakin 21st century.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> It's the freakin 21st century.


Hard to believe when you consider that 1 in 4 people think the sun and stars orbit the Earth. :scratchhead:
A Quarter of Americans Think the Sun Orbits the Earth . . . Sigh | Survey Shows Profound Science Ignorance in the U.S. | LiveScience 



> Your wife is making up her own rules about human physiology.


Seriously have any of you ever tried to argue scientific fact with the improperly educated or uneducated in general?  

She and I got into it one evening about who was smarter and it came down to settling it with online IQ tests. Lets just say she scored at the bottom end of socially functional (~90) and I tested substantially above that only to get chewed out that her score didn't mean anything because I didn't help her plus she chose to just skip the questions she didn't know rather than take a 1 in 4 guess at them.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

If you have to take off your "big brass balls" when you walk in the door, then you don't actually have them. No offense intended... If nothing else, they're not doing you any good in your relationship with your wife and daughter.

You know what you need to do. You know what's right for your daughter. When are you going to "man up" enough to do it?

C


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

Wow. Tough crowd.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

married tech said:


> Wow. Tough crowd.


Do you disagree with what I said? With what part?

C


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## IndiaInk (Jun 13, 2012)

married tech said:


> Hard to believe when you consider that 1 in 4 people think the sun and stars orbit the Earth. :scratchhead:
> A Quarter of Americans Think the Sun Orbits the Earth . . . Sigh | Survey Shows Profound Science Ignorance in the U.S. | LiveScience
> 
> 
> ...


What on earth does this have to do with anything??

The 'fun science facts' are not actually important for addressing your problem. They were offered for completeness's sake. It felt wrong to just bypass those erroneous assertions and delve right into the heart of the matter. 

No I imagine you have little hope of convincing her of their veracity.

It also doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter that she's ignorant, or stubborn, difficult or wrongly over-bundling your kid.

All that matters is what YOU, as her father, do about it.

And it seems like you kinda see this as some little amusing quirk of your crazy wife.

If that's the case, I'm sad.

Because then all I see is a little girl with two questionable parents, no protector among them and a long sojourn out of childhood ahead of her.

I'm sorry for that.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> What on earth does this have to do with anything??


Apparently far more than a lot of people here are picking up on. 

There seems to be a huge amount of jumping to conclusions and reading between the lines here.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Weird. I'm not equipped to diagnose but I can assure you exercise is healthy for the kid as long as there are no medical issues preventing it.

But I also keep the house warm...probably warmer than your wife does. But sweating to me is being able to wring out moisture from my shirt into a bucket. So ya. I don't get the issue she has.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

She has no medical issues what so ever. Being she came here from Turkey a few months ago she has been thoroughly checked over by the doctors multiple times relating to immigration rules.


> I'm not equipped to diagnose but I can assure you exercise is healthy for the kid as long as there are no medical issues preventing it.


That said ol mom has enough cold, flu, runny nose and what not meds for her to take every day just in case to doctor a small elementary class of which our daughter fights her about every bit of the way as to why she has to take them and ol dad doesn't.

Kido is pretty smart and very observant so I take advantage of that to help her stand up to mom when things get unreasonable to her and I. 



> But I also keep the house warm...probably warmer than your wife does. But sweating to me is being able to wring out moisture from my shirt into a bucket. So ya. I don't get the issue she has.


Kinda how I gauge a good sweat myself. 

We go ice skating on Sundays now so that she can learn to skate of which she loves. It's funny now that after the third week of it she pretty much blows mom off as to who she wants to skate with and why. I have skates on and mom doesn't so kido points that out fairly well.
Mom is to be there for moral support only unless she puts on a pair of skates herself. :smthumbup:

We put int a good 2 1/2 hours yesterday and she is now up to the level of standing and slowly skating on her own. I got the impression yesterday that she is getting the concept of when to take cloths off when she feel too hot figured out as well. 
Mom wanted her bundled up and she made it clear that she didn't need the extra jacket and hood to be at an indoor skating rink that is 40 degrees or better. 

We got home last night and she went to the bathroom and make it clear again that mom was not really needed there either.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

M T,

I can only imagine what your wife will go thru when your daughter attends kindergarten and elementary school and contracts every bacteria and virus known to modern medicine like all kids her age do.

My daughters attended daycare and preschool and were sick quite often early on, but rarely in elementary school. Just make sure she's aware. If your wife did not get all these growing up - unlikely in warmer climates - she will get them too.


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> I can only imagine what your wife will go thru when your daughter attends kindergarten and elementary school and contracts every bacteria and virus known to modern medicine like all kids her age do.


I am reading up on clear acrylic composite materials and portable self contained HVAC and Hepa clean room class filtering systems now so that I will have her super hamster ball scooter ready by next fall.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Perfect!!!

Now we can add a Briggs & Stratton engine and she won't have to wait for the school bus either


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## married tech (Jan 18, 2014)

> It really sounds like over-parenting due to separation. I can't imagine being away from my child for so long, especially while she was so young. Your wife missed out on the stages she is now trying to get back - toilet training, dressing, sleeping with her and general fussing. She's probably trying too hard to make sure she is comfortable and fits in and adapts to the changes etc. I know a few months sounds like a long time and the fussing should be done by now, but it sounds like your daughter is getting there with showing mom she can do things herself. I wouldn't worry too much about it, but speak to her and help her to accept she missed a few bits but now is the time to concentrate on treating her according to her age and not where she left off parenting her.
> 
> Edit: When I said a few months sounds a long time and the fussing should be done by now I meant it can feel like that to you, but for a mom who missed out she might need to just hear it from her child what she can and can't do. Help her accept those lost years and help her find more age appropriate ways to mother her daughter


That's how I have been handling this for the most part. I know there is a lot of separation regret she is still trying to make up for but fortunately kiddo is learning her independence rather fast now that she has a real dad to turn to. 

I understand the helicopter parent thing to a degree as well. I prefer to go with the traffic report helicopter method where I mostly just hang back and give advice towards possible problems along her path. 

Ol mom so far has more of the Apache Super combat attack helicopter with a trigger happy pilot approach. Go in guns blazing then look around after the smoke clears and make apologies to anyone who survived.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Helicopters are so 1990s. I prefer the term V-22 Osprey parenting... Long range, fast action 

I drive my 22 year old daughter to her dentist appointments when she's in town. She has her own car etc but I'm very protective. This way I'm guaranteed to receive pictures of her studio projects or her roomie's evil cat quickly!


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