# How did your confrontation/papers served go?



## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

My day to get this out in the open is coming. I wonder what she will do be angry? -- angry she got caught and being cut off
sad? depressed? will she cry? Hope not- I hate to see women cry. try to convince me she still loves me? Be relieved?
She has been acting like she wants us to work on the marriage as it is -- without knowing I know what she has done.
Those of you who have filed and had him or her served how did that day go? My attorney wants me to wait till she is served
don't know if I can hold out.
Don't mean to start too many threads but this seemed like it deserved a separate I will keep the day to day stuff in the other
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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She will deny. She will accuse you of things. Then she may trickle truth a little but pledge to end and loyal, then she will negotiate, when/if she doesn't get what she wants she will try intimidation and crying.
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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

I have read enough here to know her cheating is not my fault I will not accept any blame for it. Problems in the marriage yes-nobody is perfect but the cheating no
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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

I'm wondering also is she going to make me into the bad guy? Serial cheater, pathilogical liar, gave up on marriage two - three years ago might still be in A and
I'm going to be the bad guy???
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## desert-rose (Aug 16, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> I'm wondering also is she going to make me into the bad guy? Serial cheater, pathilogical liar, gave up on marriage two - three years ago might still be in A and
> I'm going to be the bad guy???
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


They go to incredible lengths to try and make themselves feel like they're doing nothing wrong. They sometimes take everything you say is problematic about them and flip it onto you. Sometimes, they just try to make you believe you're crazy and have imagined the whole thing and damage your credibility left and right so no one believes you even though you've exposed it. 

My own experience: My WH is trying to scare me and make me believe I am crazy and have imagined the many explicit emails I've read, or freak me out enough to make me act like I'm crazy so that everyone will believe he's done nothing wrong and he can look like the good guy. 

Make sure you have good solid proof because they will often lie lie lie lie lie, blameshift, gas-light, and so all kinds of mean terrible things. Worse than the cheating is who an unremorseful spouse becomes once exposed. I really, really, really hope that your WW feels instantly guilty and falls all over your feet to try and make it right with you. Good luck. 

Once you expose, you'll get some insight into parts of your spouse that you never knew existed and either that person will make you want to stay and work on the marriage or the person will make you want to turn away. It won't be an easy time no matter what happens, but anything is better than rug-sweeping and the misery it brings to ignore and not confront.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

My ex knew it was coming. The first time he didn't answer the door to the apartment. Then I insisted he was served at work. That worked out better. I remember that I had to pay each time the papers were sent out. My ex was very malicious and abusive, he still is. His gf moved in 3 days after I left, but he wanted to make this miserable for me and prolong the divorce.

I had to cancel the court date 3 times, my ex was threatening me he was going to contest against the marriage. This was after he signed the divorce papers. My lawyer thought it was best he wasn't present as well. He kept calling the court to find out the date and would tell me. I decided to go in on another's cancellation. This worked out well. 17 years later his anger has gotten worse. He proudly told my 16 year old that he cheated 3 times on his current wife. I regret fully marrying him in the first place.

Good luck!
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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

My STBXW couldn't believe I was actually divorcing her. She cried and blamed me for ending the marriage. Don't know why she thought I was just going to let her continue in her affair. Wish it was all over.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Thanks y'all, I really think it will be her mind I'm being cruel giving up on the marriage. And cruel to just let her be served first-- (i'm strugglling with this I'd really like to clear the air.) When at the same time have seen emails about how she" would move out if had the opportunity "and how she
wanted the first OM "to be the man in her life"--- ouch ! and how she was sorry "she couldn't be the woman he wanted her to be". She has an explosive temper and might just pack up and move out with her Dad and in with the OM (i am stipulating my daughter can't be around him or any other males) thats both -good and bad good short term bad for the long term what I really want is that we can get past all the arguing blaming, hurt, hell, and become friends and co-parents and focus on our daughter. I never though I'd be in such a surreal existence.
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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Just remember, that what ever guy she shacks up with, she'll cheat on him too!
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

You may want to write her a letter stating that you KNOW she has been cheating, that she has contempt for you because she has said so to others, and for that reason you had no choice but to file for divorce.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

After confronting and/or serving her make sure you contact her parents and yours explaining the situation stating you have hard evidence of her adultery . Warn your wife if she attempts to gaslight you the evidence will be released to family and friends . Do not tell her how much information you have.
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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I don't know but I will be finding out this evening. I filed weeks ago and am giving her the papers tonight.

I feel that she will cry and be depressed for a little while but then she will become the ***** from hell and blame me for breaking up our family. She will completely over look the fact that her almost 2 year affair was the cause as well as her lack of remorse and effort after I found out.

I am scared, worried, apprehensive, depressed, and resentful. I tried everything with in the last year to avoid this...she did not. I know i must do this...or nothing will change. I need my peace back again.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

have you read up on the 180 yet Decimated?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Decimated said:


> I don't know but I will be finding out this evening. I filed weeks ago and am giving her the papers tonight.
> 
> I feel that she will cry and be depressed for a little while but then she will become the ***** from hell and blame me for breaking up our family. She will completely over look the fact that her almost 2 year affair was the cause as well as her lack of remorse and effort after I found out.
> 
> I am scared, worried, apprehensive, depressed, and resentful. I tried everything with in the last year to avoid this...she did not. I know i must do this...or nothing will change. I need my peace back again.


Once the sh!t hits the fan, please consider starting a thread so that we can give you some support.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> have you read up on the 180 yet Decimated?


Yep...I have it memorized.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

So who will be moving out?


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

morituri said:


> Once the sh!t hits the fan, please consider starting a thread so that we can give you some support.


Me start a thread lol would I do that?? Don't worry I'll continue to need this forum
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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

Blindasabat said:


> Me start a thread lol would I do that?? Don't worry I'll continue to need this forum
> _Posted via Mobile Device_



I think mori was talking to Decimated


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Eli-Zor said:


> After confronting and/or serving her make sure you contact her parents and yours explaining the situation stating you have hard evidence of her adultery . Warn your wife if she attempts to gaslight you the evidence will be released to family and friends . Do not tell her how much information you have.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Her mom died so we brought her dad here to live with us I'm pretty sure he knows already they talk all the time he gets an earfull when she is mad at me which is another betrayal! i really feel like I made a mistake in bringing him here now. She talked about introducing him to OM. Goes around saying "gracias a Dios" " thanks be to God" all the time but if he is condoning her cheating I find that highly hypocritical -- theres a better word but I can't think of it.
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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

morituri said:


> Once the sh!t hits the fan, please consider starting a thread so that we can give you some support.


ROTFLMAO Your killing me:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Good luck to everyone going through this.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Decimated said:


> I don't know but I will be finding out this evening. I filed weeks ago and am giving her the papers tonight.
> 
> I feel that she will cry and be depressed for a little while but then she will become the ***** from hell and blame me for breaking up our family. She will completely over look the fact that her almost 2 year affair was the cause as well as her lack of remorse and effort after I found out.
> 
> I am scared, worried, apprehensive, depressed, and resentful. I tried everything with in the last year to avoid this...she did not. I know i must do this...or nothing will change. I need my peace back again.


hey I didn't know there was someone else in the boat. Comrade I feel your pain-- oops did I quote Bill Clinton??? Ugg arggh
sounds exactly what I will get hope it goes well I'll stay tuned
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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

warlock07 said:


> So who will be moving out?


Her and her Dad hopefully without a fight
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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I think mori was talking to Decimated


I know just trying for some humor it comes out at odd times -- i need
to work on my material! Whats the 180?
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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

look at my newbie link, page three I think (Eli Zor's post)


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

B-
Be prepared for the rollercoaster of emotions, just like you experienced. Maybe tears 1st then anger, or vise versuve. Who knows she could smile and thank you for getting it out in the open and releasing her. Little will she know that you are releasing your self. She may even flip out and go cazy mad. I suggest you come up with a plan to deal with any senerio that my happen. cover all bases. Remember she is no longer the women you once knew, so axpect the unexpected!

I also suggest, if you have the emails or other evidence, then be prepared to show it. Since you are divorcing her I see no reason not to reveal your source. 

There is a high percentage that deniel will be her first response mixed in with some blame shifting. Thats the typical response. But it is not unheard of for a WW to attack when blind sided. In a corner if you will.

I also suggest a VAR for your own protection. In recording this event, it will prevent her from making any false accusation that may involve the cops. Who knows you might get a confession and the ammo in preventing you from looking like the bad guy. So please protect your self with having a VAR on you.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

Well, I gave my wife the D papers on Tuesday night. 

I started out by trying to talk about us again...got the "I'm annoyed" attitude as usual. I ended up giving her the speech about her lack of effort and about what I needed from her and all the things she was not doing to help me/us. I finished up by saying that I am moving on. She didn't say much. When I handed her the papers she didn't look too surprised and but as I anticipated she said "Why did you have to do this so close to Christmas?" I said to her "There is never a good time to do this besides, you didn't care what holiday it was when you were getting with your boyfriend?" 

She would not take the papers. I placed them on her lap and she quickly put them aside. She would not sign the receipt or read them. I told her if she won't sign for them I will have her served...she still did not. 

They have been sitting on her dresser since that evening. She hasn't even looked at them. I can tell because I placed a pen on top of them in a certain position...and it hasn't moved.

Since Tuesday she has been trying to be real close to me... hugging, touching, kissing...etc. I need a lot more then that from her...starting with her signature.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Decimated said:


> Well, I gave my wife the D papers on Tuesday night.
> 
> I started out by trying to talk about us again...got the "I'm annoyed" attitude as usual. I ended up giving her the speech about her lack of effort and about what I needed from her and all the things she was not doing to help me/us. I finished up by saying that I am moving on. She didn't say much. When I handed her the papers she didn't look too surprised and but as I anticipated she said "Why did you have to do this so close to Christmas?" I said to her "There is never a good time to do this besides, you didn't care what holiday it was when you were getting with your boyfriend?"
> 
> ...


Reality setting in, dont play this game have her served once and for all.
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## KanDo (Jun 15, 2011)

Please have her served. Even if you decide to R, beginning the process is a step in your healing and asserting you person-hood. You are not a doormat. Actions have consequences.


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## Blindasabat (Nov 29, 2011)

Decimated mi thread es tu thread bro sorry for your situation seems like you are on the other side of the same boat I'm on I just couldn't see ya wrapped up in my situation -- feel free to share it all here. I am on edge about my confrontation/papers serving and how its going to go. I talked with my attorney-'s paralegal (roll eyes)
I wanted to confront WW before the serving bomb goes off I was going to this weekend but the attorney ah paralegal said to wait for filing christmas delay til dec 26 december sucks! But i will be able meet with attorney during the slow down. sounds like you need to ask her why she is resistant to signing and then decide on having her served.
I agree about not regarding the holiday as they had no regard for us in cheating.
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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

chapparal said:


> ROTFLMAO Your killing me:rofl::rofl::rofl:
> 
> Good luck to everyone going through this.


:scratchhead:

:wtf:


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