# Effectiveness of cheaterville



## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Are there any examples of cheaterville postings being directly tied to the ending of the affair? I've seen advice to use it, but not really any clear cut examples of it working to bust up the affair. I already exposed to coworkers and families, but that did not end the affair. I'm wondering if the additional anger directed towards me will be worth it if I post on cheaterville. I have no interest in revenge, only busting up the affair.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

I doubt, unless used as leverage, Cheaterville is of any use in ending an affair. 

Whatever usefulness there may be is that if anyone (employer for prospective hire or promotion, bf/gf...) is doing a Google search for whatever reason may find them and that could effect their decision or thought process regarding that person.

Also, if the betrayer knows they are on that site and exposed it may piss them off so it can be used as an irritant to them. 

But that's about it.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

That's kind of what I'm thinking. I don't want to do it just for the sake of doing it. I just want to throw a wrench into the affair. If the AP gets pissed off at my WW and decides she's not worth it, that would be ideal.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> That's kind of what I'm thinking. I don't want to do it just for the sake of doing it. I just want to throw a wrench into the affair. If the AP gets pissed off at my WW and decides she's not worth it, that would be ideal.


I have one word for you:

EXPOSE

Expose everywhere. On every site. To all family, friends, coworkers... Put up all the evidence. Don't do it childishly, but just lay out the facts.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

I exposed to coworkers, friends and family 3 months ago, but the affair is ongoing, and my wife now lives with the AP. She already filed for divorce, but I'm thinking this might be one last thing I could try...


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> I exposed to coworkers, friends and family 3 months ago, but the affair is ongoing, and my wife now lives with the AP. She already filed for divorce, but I'm thinking this might be one last thing I could try...


Naw, give it up. She's left you for good. 

My best advice is to be as happy as you can be and leave them to create there own misery.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

And that was another thought.  No point in creating more headache for myself if it's a lost cause.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> And that was another thought.  No point in creating more headache for myself if it's a lost cause.


Your best revenge is to be as happy and good to yourself as possible.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> I exposed to coworkers, friends and family 3 months ago, but the affair is ongoing, and my wife now lives with the AP. She already filed for divorce, but I'm thinking this might be one last thing I could try...


Hell, try it...you never know what it could accomplish. Just leave it up if you do. Taking it down right after putting it up would be a sign of weakness and very counter-productive.


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

I thought about putting the POSOM on there but I don't think most people even know the site exist. My WW's never even heard of it. I took a stealth poll at work and no one there has ever heard of it either. One guy thought I was taking about Vegas. There's hardly any listings for my area and I used to check that site fairly regularly, there's nothing really to see. 

So even if I posted the POSOM on that site, who would know? Someday it may become popular on Facebook then it might be effective, but until then I don't even think it's worth the trouble.


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## Nucking Futs (Apr 8, 2013)

HarryDoyle said:


> I thought about putting the POSOM on there but I don't think most people even know the site exist. My WW's never even heard of it. I took a stealth poll at work and no one there has ever heard of it either. One guy thought I was taking about Vegas. There's hardly any listings for my area and I check that site fairly regularly.
> 
> So even if I posted the POSOM on that site, who would know? Someday it may become popular on Facebook then it might be effective, but until then I don't even think it's worth the trouble.


We've seen this point made before, and it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of how cheaterville works. No one posts on cheaterville expecting people to be looking at cheaterville for cheaters in their area. The point is to get it to show up on a google search of that persons name, the higher the better. If an hr manager has an applicant he's considering for an interview and does a google search, and on the first page is a link to a cheaterville post about how that person slept with a co-worker and broke up a marriage, that may be enough to move that resume from the interview stack to the last resort stack or even the no way in hell stack, aka the round file.

Nobody you know has heard of most websites. That doesn't mean they'll never end up on them.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

When you search someone's name on Google it will pick up the cheaterville link. Your co workers have heard of Google I asume


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## HarryDoyle (Jan 19, 2013)

Nucking Futs said:


> We've seen this point made before, and it displays a fundamental misunderstanding of how cheaterville works. No one posts on cheaterville expecting people to be looking at cheaterville for cheaters in their area. The point is to get it to show up on a google search of that persons name, the higher the better. If an hr manager has an applicant he's considering for an interview and does a google search, and on the first page is a link to a cheaterville post about how that person slept with a co-worker and broke up a marriage, that may be enough to move that resume from the interview stack to the last resort stack or even the no way in hell stack, aka the round file.
> 
> Nobody you know has heard of most websites. That doesn't mean they'll never end up on them.


Duh! I knew that.
:scratchhead:
Hey I'm getting old, give me break. It's a wonder I can even remember my login and password here.


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## SimplyCrushed (Nov 21, 2014)

As someone who just got cheated on I can understand the urge.

However... If she loses her job because of your calls to co-workers (I don't understand why anyone would get co-workers involved BTW) you will have a different problem. 

I assume you live in a state where cheating is not a reason for property allocation, a judge might see your posts as trying to get her fired and award her alimony etc. They won't consider the cheating because most states removed that... I got divorced a while ago, amicably, but had an insanely talented attorney who loved giving me scenario's  

To clarify with the co-workers... I would think that she would dismiss your claims as playing some "crazy husband pissed off because I filed for divorce".. most of them have their own issues so I find it weird that people do this unless they work in the same place. And even then HR would probably view this as you creating a hostile environment/being abusive. Just my take on this as someone who prefers to keep some things private.

My ex is saying I cheated and going NUTS.. meanwhile he is sleeping with a co-worker and most likely living with her. Someone that impulsive, irrational and spiteful will damage someone's character just because.

IMO this is a dangerous game, especially if you have children.
It's really hard to move on but you need to think about your mental well being and the things you can control. Things done in revenge are never a good idea.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

SimplyCrushed said:


> As someone who just got cheated on I can understand the urge.
> 
> However... If she loses her job because of your calls to co-workers (I don't understand why anyone would get co-workers involved BTW) you will have a different problem.
> 
> ...


Who said anything about revenge?



betrayed16 said:


> Are there any examples of cheaterville postings being directly tied to the ending of the affair? I've seen advice to use it, but not really any clear cut examples of it working to bust up the affair. I already exposed to coworkers and families, but that did not end the affair. I'm wondering if the additional anger directed towards me will be worth it if I post on cheaterville. *I have no interest in revenge, only busting up the affair.*


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## SimplyCrushed (Nov 21, 2014)

I think there is always a need for "revenge" or whatever.. it's a human thing. I have played things in my head over and over again and I know some of the things I would LOVE to do are motivated by revenge.

That's just my opinion of course....

Oh and he has an interest in busting up the affair.. to what end? The affair will stop and she will be alone or she will stay with the new guy and he will still have to deal.

Posting it won't make it go away. If anything it will make her super defensive and kills any prospects of him looking like a good guy caught in this situation. If it's not a valid reason for divorce in his state I don't see how this helps.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

SimplyCrushed said:


> I think there is always a need for "revenge" or whatever.. it's a human thing. I have played things in my head over and over again and I know some of the things I would LOVE to do are motivated by revenge.
> 
> That's just my opinion of course....


All we have to go on is the man's word. Anything other than that is nothing but assumptions and conjecture.


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## SimplyCrushed (Nov 21, 2014)

3putt said:


> All we have to go on is the man's word. Anything other than that is nothing but assumptions and conjecture.


:iagree:

Not sure why you would want to bust the affair.. damage is done unfortunately. Yeah you want people to know, but how will it bust it and how is that helping you heal?

OP doesn't say if kids are involved. I have seen horrible stories of social media being used as evidence in court or as a tool to inflame someone. Divorce is already hard but then add the heightened emotional response after reading that...


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## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

Yeah betrayed16, there's no point in posting him on CV now. You lost and he won.

Although I question the value of the prize. If they cheat with you, they'll cheat on you comes to mind.

Posting him on CV now would be to let anyone that does an internet search for say, a background check, know that he's a proven cheater(you do have proof, right?).

Then, a would be employer sees he has a CV post, clicks on the link, then starts to trigger because their Wife/Husband had cheated on them. The OM's resume gets tossed in the circular filing cabinet, and he continues his search for a new job.

But yeah, posting him on CV would just be revenge. Just let him get away with it scot-free. Maybe the next Husband that has his Wife screw around on him with this guy, will put the word out...


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

betrayed16 said:


> If the AP gets pissed off at my WW and decides she's not worth it, that would be ideal.


So even if she's not worth it to him, she worth it to you. Another way of saying his standards are higher than yours my man. If you're ok with a woman who comes back to you because she has nowhere better to go, what can we say? My only advise is if she thinks that little of you, I wouldnt expect to spend the rest of your life in marital bliss.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You should post him on cheaterville. He earned it.

Most of all, you should be dating other women. You deserve a better one.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Very often, affairs and relationships that begin hot and heavy will not last too long. 

She may come back to you if the affai ends but it will not be because she loves you. 

It's really hard but give it time. Hopefully you will find someone who really loves you and you will have the last laugh if your ex comes back.

Tables do turn in life, just be patient and get out of your head. Quit thinking about her.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

betrayed16 said:


> Are there any examples of cheaterville postings being directly tied to the ending of the affair? I've seen advice to use it, but not really any clear cut examples of it working to bust up the affair. I already exposed to coworkers and families, but that did not end the affair. I'm wondering if the additional anger directed towards me will be worth it if I post on cheaterville. I have no interest in revenge, only busting up the affair.


The chance of the affair becoming anything long term is next to zero. Just let the affair take its course. By the time one of them dumps the other, you will be well into a new life. And she and her will be miserable and hating each other.

Let karma do her thing.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> Are there any examples of cheaterville postings being directly tied to the ending of the affair? I've seen advice to use it, but not really any clear cut examples of it working to bust up the affair. I already exposed to coworkers and families, but that did not end the affair. I'm wondering if the additional anger directed towards me will be worth it if I post on cheaterville. I have no interest in revenge, only busting up the affair.


There's someone in the UK with a unique name who, due to someone on TAM, has a presence on Cheaterville.

Previously if you searched his name on Google the only stories that came up were his degree graduation picture and several stories about how he was such a good, hard-working community leader and youth worker.

Now anyone who searches his name the first four are links to his Cheaterville profile and a couple of other references to his being a cheat.

Kind of puts a warning flag up for other folks.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Lila said:


> I believe OP's wife left him for another woman (see his other thread).
> 
> Does that reduce the effectiveness of posting the other woman on Cheaterville?


It could actually increase the effectiveness, depending on what the OW's 'status' is.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Cheaterville can be very effective. What sort of job does OM have? If the affair started in the workplace, it can hurt. Anyone who depends on a good public image, for example, can hate the exposure. However, if you publish on Cheaterville, there is some risk that other sites will copy Cheaterville.

What's wrong with that if more negative PR is better? You can take Cheaterville down whenever you like. The other sites will not retract without extorting money. Usually, the cheater pays, but sometimes the poster doesn't want it up anymore.

A key is publish something extremely factual. Everything should be true and stylistically neutral.

Never admit that you are poster. Do it from a public computer.

Some TAM posters who have used Cheaterville has scored big successes. One guy whose wife cheated with University of Pennsylvania financial administration employee – he was a senior tax advisor – blew the affair out of the water. However, his wife got back into bed with (no sex with hubby) and convinced him to remove it. Perhaps he put it back up. I forget now. In the end he left TAM, so it is unclear what became of his marriage. Cheaterville had an affect.

BetrayedandBlindsided is another poster who had some success with Cheaterville when his wife slept with her tennis pro. His marriage was not saved but OM was thoroughly dragged through the dirt. He will not be able to pull the same shyte again with a third client. He broke up two marriages by playing around with his students.

Chris from the UK kicked butt with Cheaterville.


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## SimplyCrushed (Nov 21, 2014)

Stupid question...

Would using a reputation site fix this? I was just wondering if this happens and it's a mistake or someone just trying to ruin an ex's reputation... I have never heard of this website!


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## SimplyCrushed (Nov 21, 2014)

LongWalk said:


> What's wrong with that if more negative PR is better? You can take Cheaterville down whenever you like. The other sites will not retract without extorting money. Usually, the cheater pays, but sometimes the poster doesn't want it up anymore.
> 
> A key is publish something extremely factual. Everything should be true and stylistically neutral.
> 
> ...


If you are married for a long time and make significantly more- wouldn't the cheating spouse get alimony if they lost a job? Most states don't care about infidelity anymore but will award alimony. Proving infidelity in a court is another matter. Spouse could always deny?

I know this was on here a few years ago- someone wanted his wife to be fired BUT that also opened up permanent alimony questions.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

3putt said:


> It could actually increase the effectiveness, depending on what the OW's 'status' is.


Why do you think that it could increase the effectiveness?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SimplyCrushed said:


> If you are married for a long time and make significantly more- wouldn't the cheating spouse get alimony if they lost a job? Most states don't care about infidelity anymore but will award alimony. Proving infidelity in a court is another matter. Spouse could always deny?
> 
> I know this was on here a few years ago- someone wanted his wife to be fired BUT that also opened up permanent alimony questions.


Yep, if the lower paid spouse lost their job during the divorce, they can ask for interim alimony during the divorce and after the divorce until they find a job.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SimplyCrushed said:


> Stupid question...
> 
> Would using a reputation site fix this? I was just wondering if this happens and it's a mistake or someone just trying to ruin an ex's reputation... I have never heard of this website!


At least on reputation site has special packages for removing gossip about them from cheaterville.

How To Remove & Delete Cheaterville.com Post


Personally I think that posting on that site is childish at best. Any one can say anything they want about anyone else.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

SimplyCrushed said:


> If you are married for a long time and make significantly more- wouldn't the cheating spouse get alimony if they lost a job? Most states don't care about infidelity anymore but will award alimony. Proving infidelity in a court is another matter. Spouse could always deny?
> 
> I know this was on here a few years ago- someone wanted his wife to be fired BUT that also opened up permanent alimony questions.


Could be an issue.

Some people are very private. Some people regret not having exposed.

Some don't want to expose because of family dynamics.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Lila said:


> :iagree:
> 
> 3Putt, the OP's wife is now living with the other woman. OP's wife has come out to the OP as being a lesbian. OP has exposed his wife's homosexual relationship to friends, family, and her co-workers with no success at breaking up the affair. I don't understand how the OW's status would make Cheaterville more effective. Could you explain a bit more what you meant by OW 'status'?


By her status what I mean is the OW may prefer to fly under the radar as far as *her* sexual orientation is concerned. Yeah, he's exposed on his WW's side, but exposure on the other side is a whole other matter, and possibly explosive.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> Personally I think that posting on that site is childish at best. Any one can say anything they want about anyone else.


Who gives a damn what anyone else does or doesn't do with CV. That's not my, or our OP's, concern! His only concern should be posting the facts about *his* situation with proof to back it up.

To hell with what anyone else uses it for. That's their problem to live and deal with.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

EleGirl said:


> At least on reputation site has special packages for removing gossip about them from cheaterville.
> 
> How To Remove & Delete Cheaterville.com Post
> 
> ...


I felt rather uncomfortable about the tone of that article. It was pro-cheater to a degree that I found rather nauseous.


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## Forest (Mar 29, 2014)

If one arsehole POSOM or POSOW is ruined for life by Cheaterville, it was all worth it.

(soaring music in background)


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Forest said:


> If one arsehole POSOM or POSOW is ruined for life by Cheaterville, it was all worth it.
> 
> (soaring music in background)



If you can find it in the threads, Dig detailed how he posted the xOM on CV and how it cost the xOM an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. When your name is the backbone of your profession, it's amazing what Google did. The xOM literally started a dozen different websites with his resume and all of the work he'd done. They never touched that #1 spot occupied by CV. Last we heard, he's a glorified salesman for a green energy company.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Wow, thanks for all the replies. For some reason I stopped getting notified.

Yes, the AP is a woman. My wife and I have been married for 16 years. No children. She has never expressed a same-sex attraction before. She had at least two boyfriends before me that I know of. I am hoping against hope that it's a midlife crisis or something. 

My wife is the only woman I've even held hands with. She was the love of my life. I know, I'm pathetic.

My purpose in posting the OW on cheaterville would purely be to end the affair so that I could at least have a shot at reconciliation with my wife. I do not believe the OW is out and proud, but she isn't trying to hide it, either. I would not be posting my wife's name, so I don't think I could be held accountable for anything in the divorce. I have the OW's FB contacts, so I can use the cheaterville anonymous email feature to send a link to all of her contacts.

I understand the advice to move on. Sometimes I want to. Six months in, and I'm still on an emotional roller coaster. I don't know if reconciliation is possible, but I'd at least like the chance to try. Cheaterville would be like a final hail Mary. If it's very unlikely to work, though, I think I'd do better to avoid the potential headaches related to divorce proceedings (like if my wife decided to start playing dirty and dragging things out to rack up legal bills) and just let the affair die on its own.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Rugs said:


> Very often, affairs and relationships that begin hot and heavy will not last too long.
> 
> She may come back to you if the affai ends but it will not be because she loves you.
> 
> ...


My wife moved in with the AP after knowing her just 9 months and being friends for about 6 months. The EA was 3 months old, and as soon as it became physical she was gone. So, yes, this was something that happened very fast.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> My wife moved in with the AP after knowing her just 9 months and being friends for about 6 months. The EA was 3 months old, and as soon as it became physical she was gone. So, yes, this was something that happened very fast.


A CV post then could expedite the tanking of this little fantasy. It's all fun and games right now for them, but you have it in your power to introduce a lot of reality to it.

What do you really have to lose at this point?

Do you have the OW's FB page info?


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

3putt said:


> A CV post then could expedite the tanking of this little fantasy. It's all fun and games right now for them, but you have it in your power to introduce a lot of reality to it.
> 
> What do you really have to lose at this point?
> 
> Do you have the OW's FB page info?


Yes, I have the OW's FB info. She blocked me, but I created a new profile and was able to save a copy of her contacts page.

Could it really expedite the tanking of the fantasy? I mean, my wife filed for divorce! The EA started in March, and by August she had filed for divorce! She must be sure of herself...?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> Yes, I have the OW's FB info. She blocked me, but I created a new profile and was able to save a copy of her contacts page.
> 
> Could it really expedite the tanking of the fantasy? I mean, my wife filed for divorce! The EA started in March, and by August she had filed for divorce! She must be sure of herself...?


Well, she may *think* she's sure of herself, but like I said, until you introduce some hardcore reality into the situation you just may never know.

Again, like I said before, what do you have to lose at this point?

Not a damned thing from where I sit....unless there's something you're not telling us.


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

I think cheaterville is very overrated personally.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Jasel said:


> I think cheaterville is very overrated personally.


Just ask Mr X of a certain town in Northern England if he thinks Cheaterville is "very overrated."

Because he has reason to think otherwise.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Jasel said:


> I think cheaterville is very overrated personally.


Probably because it's seldom utilized the way it should be. Dig (and Chris) did his the right way and got the desired results.....it burned his OM's world to the ground.

There's no tool in the world that is useful if it isn't used the way it was intended. Use it right, and it'll serve you right.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Supposing I were to post on cheaterville, should I make it completely anonymous? I.e., should I say the OW is involved with a married woman or the OW is involved with my wife? 1st person or 3rd person? As long as I don't mention my wife's name, it should not matter in the divorce, right? They're not going to get fired.


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> Are there any examples of cheaterville postings being directly tied to the ending of the affair? I've seen advice to use it, but not really any clear cut examples of it working to bust up the affair. I already exposed to coworkers and families, but that did not end the affair. I'm wondering if the additional anger directed towards me will be worth it if I post on cheaterville. I have no interest in revenge, only busting up the affair.


I'm a fan of exposure. If you don't expose your partner for cheating then they'll almost always make everyone think your the bad guy and they are innocent. It's also useful if you're looking to wake them up from their little fantasy. Shame is a powerful tool when your spouse knows that friends and family know what they've done.

That being said, cheaterville is more for dating players than it is for infidelity in marriage. At least that's my opinion. If my wife were to cheat (better not) then I wouldn't consider cheaterville an option.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

3putt said:


> Probably because it's seldom utilized the way it should be. Dig (and Chris) did his the right way and got the desired results.....it burned his OM's world to the ground.
> 
> There's no tool in the world that is useful if it isn't used the way it was intended. Use it right, and it'll serve you right.


Ugh let me think...
:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

3putt said:


> Probably because it's seldom utilized the way it should be. Dig (and Chris) did his the right way and got the desired results.....it burned his OM's world to the ground.
> 
> There's no tool in the world that is useful if it isn't used the way it was intended. Use it right, and it'll serve you right.


Chris' Cheaterville 'friend' has has nearly two million visits, 1.977.602 to be exact.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

betrayed16 said:


> Supposing I were to post on cheaterville, should I make it completely anonymous? I.e., should I say the OW is involved with a married woman or the OW is involved with my wife? 1st person or 3rd person? As long as I don't mention my wife's name, it should not matter in the divorce, right? They're not going to get fired.


Chris never mentioned the name of his wife.

And he and his wife got back together.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

betrayed16 said:


> Supposing I were to post on cheaterville, should I make it completely anonymous? I.e., should I say the OW is involved with a married woman or the OW is involved with my wife? 1st person or 3rd person? As long as I don't mention my wife's name, it should not matter in the divorce, right? They're not going to get fired.


Make it first person from OM's perspective.

"Hi there! My name is Salty McD*ckhole and I'm a sorry sack of rodent-infested sh*t who likes to f*ck other men's wives..."

ETA: Seriously, don't do ^this. Make your post in first-person from OM's perspective, but stick to *just the facts*. No name calling or any of that.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

3putt said:


> Probably because it's seldom utilized the way it should be. Dig (and Chris) did his the right way and got the desired results.....it burned his OM's world to the ground.


Why put the AP on cheatersville while purposely leaving the WS off? I think I've even seen a couple of post where the BS and the WS even double teamed the AP. It really seems to conflict with the message that the WS is always 100% responsible for the affair. Posters who advocate cheatersville seem to imply the AP is the sole cause of their spouse cheating and its good their life is impacted for, many times, taking what the WS willfully offered. 

How is this, "holding the WS accountable"? In my view its a little like two people vandalizing a house. One has connections and gets off scott free while the other has thier name in the paper and has to pick up road trash while dressed in an orange coveralls.


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## jin (Sep 9, 2014)

WS may already have been exposed by BS to family and friends. 

And not posting them may be to protect their family / children.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I don't know. It seems pretty unfair to blast the other guy and then forgive the wife. She deserves to be on cheaterville more than the other man.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> I don't know. It seems pretty unfair to blast the other guy and then forgive the wife. She deserves to be on cheaterville more than the other man.


Well, if life was fair then Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Maybe I'm just spitballing here, but I think that if a BS's goal is to attempt to recover their marriage, then I think it might be a wee bit counter-productive to post their WS up on CV. CV isn't for or about punishment or accountability. It's simply a tool to nuke an affair.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

3putt said:


> Well, if life was fair then Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.


LOL


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

3putt said:


> CV isn't for or about punishment or accountability. It's simply a tool to nuke an affair.


How does that square with the following post?

_"You should post him on cheaterville. He earned it."

"If one arsehole POSOM or POSOW is ruined for life by Cheaterville, it was all worth it."

"he posted the xOM on CV and how it cost the xOM an extremely lucrative career. " 
_

It seems a bit more toward revenge (which is ok with me if you want to take that road) than a tool to nuke the affair. If you're with a person who can't stay away from the AP unless you run the AP off, what's the use. You may as well face it. You've become plan B regardless of what you do.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I say nuke them both. The OW/OM is not more guilty than the WS. 

It's chickensh*t to post AP and not WS.

If you can't post both, don't post either.

***And it sounds like you think the AP's sexual orientation is the issue, your whole issue is YOUR CHEATING WIFE. It would be crappy to "out" the OW based on sexual orientation. She isn't the one who cheated on you. Sign the divorce papers already. Call it done.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> How does that square with the following post?
> 
> _"You should post him on cheaterville. He earned it."
> 
> ...


Who cares? Seriously, who the hell cares?? It's still a tool. If people get a sense of satisfaction from blowing an AP sky high, then who the hell am I to begrudge them that?

Look, we all know that you are the furthest from recovery minded that this board has to offer. So why in the hell do you insist on coming on threads where the OP clearly states he wants a chance at recovery and ramrod your bullsh!t down their throats???

Do you get some perverted pleasure from it?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

3putt my man, I'm trying to figure out the logic of using cheatersville as a device to blow, "an AP sky high" while letting the spouse off the hook and minimizing the reason they cheated to begin with. My theory is and will always be, lacking some contradictory and convincing evidence, that when a spouse cheats, it indicates a low romantic interest in their mate. 

As evidenced in some threads, staying together and reconciling are oftentimes very different than restoring the marriage to a satisfactory level that yields some quality of life. So unless the issue of a low romantic interest is addressed, I submit that pinning the tail on the AP is not going to amount to much. Albeit, you may get some pleasure out of watching the guy that screwed you wife squirm a little. Hey, I understand that. 

To reiterate what I said earlier, publishing the AP on cheatersville while leaving your WS skate, is a little like getting joy out of setting up seeing the neighbors kid whipped while cutting the your own kids allowance for the same deed.

Honestly, when you get right down to it, isn't publishing on cheatersville simply a method of exercising punishment for what you already feel about the AP; that is the AP really seduced your spouse, is more guilty for the affair and if it wasn't for them, you wouldn't have the problem?

Perhaps I'm wrong in my belief that a low romantic interest is prevalent in cheating situations, not something that need to be considered when getting back together, rendering my input totally worthless and hammering the AP gives some level of payback. But what if I'm right?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

SunnyT said:


> I say nuke them both. The OW/OM is not more guilty than the WS.
> 
> It's chickensh*t to post AP and not WS.
> 
> ...


As has been said on TAM before: "I am not putting the name of my children's mother on Cheaterville."


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Neither of you guys are wrong putt or Pheonix. So the real questions is can it help b16.

From his comments, this is driven by reconciliation attempts and not revenge. Kudos to you b16 for exposing this early on. I have to wonder though since you've already exposed it and you wife is still living with AP then why would this change anything. They were exposed and she sill moved in with AP and she still filed divorce papers. You say this is one last thing to try but really you already did it when you exposed her to friends and family.

I really question your motive though and I hope you can see it too once you think about it. Here are some truths IMO.
1. If you want her back then you think you love her.
2. If you love someone then you want them to be happy.
3. If she was happy with you then she wouldn't have filed divorce papers.

Those truths make me believe your motive is fear and insecurity and not love at all. Fear and insecurity are internal things to work on that don't have anything to do with her. My sincere thoughts are that you posting her AP on cheaterville is a waste of your time and false hope and pointless.

Now if you have some resentment or anger toward AP then that's a different story. I'm sure they both deserve to be exposed to anyone and everyone but it just doesn't sound like it'll do you any good.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> 3putt my man, I'm trying to figure out the logic of using cheatersville as a device to blow, "an AP sky high" while letting the spouse off the hook and minimizing the reason they cheated to begin with. My theory is and will always be, lacking some contradictory and convincing evidence, that when a spouse cheats, it indicates a low romantic interest in their mate.
> 
> No one ever said anything about letting the WS off the hook. It's just counter-productive to post a WS if the intent is to give yourself a chance at recovery. That's it. Besides, if recovery is successful, then the WS will levy more punishment against themselves than any of us BSs could ever conceive.
> 
> ...


You can call it whatever you like. It doesn't change the tactic for busting an affair. If it affords the BS some satisfactory payback, then hey, I couldn't be happier for him/her. Though that's not the purpose, it certainly is one helluva fringe benefit.


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## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Why did Dig post the xOM and not me? He's stated here many times before because we're working on reconciliation. If the xOM's betrayed were to put me on CV, then that's what I've earned. It's not purely Dig's place to put me on there...she could do it any time and I would deserve that.

To answer to the other assertion that I or any other wayward got let off the hook - well, none of you were ever in our home during the first year after Dday or even now if something triggers Dig. I pay every day I wake up next to him and have to look at myself in the mirror. No. I certainly never got left off the hook.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Quote:_ "Besides, if recovery is successful, then the WS will levy more punishment against themselves than any of us BSs could ever conceive." _

You're dead right on that 3P. That may even be a bit of an understatement.


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## betrayed16 (Oct 23, 2014)

Thundarr said:


> Neither of you guys are wrong putt or Pheonix. So the real questions is can it help b16.
> 
> From his comments, this is driven by reconciliation attempts and not revenge. Kudos to you b16 for exposing this early on. I have to wonder though since you've already exposed it and you wife is still living with AP then why would this change anything. They were exposed and she sill moved in with AP and she still filed divorce papers. You say this is one last thing to try but really you already did it when you exposed her to friends and family.
> 
> ...


Thank you for this. I'm reflecting on many things, and this is one more thing I need to consider.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Regret214 said:


> No. I certainly never got left off the hook.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I'z speaking in relative terms R. (and the way things appear on the surface) Like 3Putt said, long after a successful reconciliation, The Wayward will continue to punish themselves reliving the event, how they betrayed the one who loves them and how they left a scar that will always disfigure what they previously had. And that feeling is like Kyle Reese said in the Terminator, "And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead."


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> I'z speaking in relative terms R. (and the way things appear on the surface) Like 3Putt said, long after a successful reconciliation, The Wayward will continue to punish themselves reliving the event and how they betrayed the one who loves you, and how they left a scar that will always disfigure what they previously had. And that feeling is like Kyle Reese said in the Terminator, "And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead."


Yep. :iagree:

Realising you are a POS leaves its mark on you.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Quote:_ "Besides, if recovery is successful, then the WS will levy more punishment against themselves than any of us BSs could ever conceive." _
> 
> You're dead right on that 3P. That may even be a bit of an understatement.


So then, we're now in agreement on the reasoning for posting the AP and not the WS?

Let's also not forget what Regret just posted....



Regret214 said:


> *Why did Dig post the xOM and not me? He's stated here many times before because we're working on reconciliation. If the xOM's betrayed were to put me on CV, then that's what I've earned. It's not purely Dig's place to put me on there...she could do it any time and I would deserve that.*


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

MattMatt said:


> Yep. :iagree:
> 
> Realising you are a POS leaves its mark on you.


I'm not crazy about your phrasing where a single action defines a person forever. My wording would be more like for following:

Realizing when you've done a POS thing to someone who loves you leaves a mark on some people. At least it leaves a mark on those who are capable of becoming better.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Why not post yourself there then?


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

3putt said:


> So then, we're now in agreement on the reasoning for posting the AP and not the WS?
> 
> Let's also not forget what Regret just posted....





MattMatt said:


> Yep. :iagree:
> 
> Realising you are a POS leaves its mark on you.


I admit the mark on me and characterization goes back decades MM. Something will be lost however, if we forget that identity of the AP (aka POS) depends on which side of the creek you're on. And it bears repeating that unloading on the AP, however good it may feel, will not correct deficiencies in your spouse/marriage that likely was a factor in the affair.


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

I put my ex wife on cheaterville, using her real name.

I have the sordid details of her cheating ways on there.

It was cathartic, satisfying at the time. It's still there.

I never told her, figured some poor sap will see it when she wants to pass herself off as a chaste wife instead of the wh0re that she is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Is cheaterville designed to bust up an affair?

Or is it for exposure, revenge, and just good old satisfaction?


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## michzz (Jun 6, 2008)

vellocet said:


> Is cheaterville designed to bust up an affair?
> 
> Or is it for exposure, revenge, and just good old satisfaction?


Oh, I suppose someone could bust up an affair doing this. I did it for personal satisfaction, like putting her in the stocks in the town square.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

michzz said:


> I put my ex wife on cheaterville, using her real name. I have the sordid details of her cheating ways on there.
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


What her name? I'd like to take a gander at it.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

ThePheonix said:


> What her name? I'd like to take a gander at it.


Hell, it might work to her advantage. I can see guys searching sites like that looking for an easy piece.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Hell Velly, folks brag about putting somebody on cheatersville, how many hits they got, etc., and seem to chicken to say who they are. What kind of liability attached to saying, "hey guys, check out old Tom Smith on C ?


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

maybe they don't like the fact that sharing the name of that person gets everybody that much closer to figuring out who they are .


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Cheaterville is a tool. The reason OM/W goes up alone is to drive a wedge between the two cheaters. When an OM calls WW and begs her to intervene to her BH to take down the post, OM's status falls.

Because OM is interested in his reputation instead of love, WW sees her lover as self interested.

If an OM said "I don't mind being on Cheaterville if I get you babe," WW might be impressed.

If a spouse has already filed for divorce, CV may be too late.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

so then once that wedge is successful do they go back and remove the other person from the site? Or do they leave them?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Results vary


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Nobody but nobody is going to say they don't mind even if they get their AP.

I suspect most people who post don't do so with the hope of ending the affair so they can R. It is pure punishment.

The fact that anyone can post anyone without evidence and that it costs money to have your name removed makes the site sleazy. Supporting such a thing is distasteful.

Posting on your own FB account and standing by your statements has much more integrity.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> Nobody but nobody is going to say they don't mind even if they get their AP.
> 
> I suspect most people who post don't do so with the hope of ending the affair so they can R. It is pure punishment.
> 
> ...


I've always advised signing your name to a CV post or anything else used for exposure. You've never heard me tell anyone, nor will you ever, to post on CV anonymously.


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## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Regret214 said:


> Why did Dig post the xOM and not me?


I don't really get it myself, but won't best him for doing what he did.

Myself, I wouldn't put any more energy in getting even, exposing, or whatever, that I first wouldn't have bestowed on my cheating spouse.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

it's not anyone's problem until they're the ones who gets their name splattered all across the site that they can't get it off of without paying money. utilizing the sleazy organization to accomplish an immediate goal is in my opinion on negative reflection on the person who's using it. cheaterville is there to make money and it makes money in two ways, one of which is to pay money to protect your reputation whether you're guilty or not.

exposing to friends and family on Facebook is far more effective and it doesn't have the same sleazy implications that cheaterville does. 

and as for my statistics there as good as anybody elses. based on what I've seen on Tam most people exposed with the intent of embarrassing and not with the intention of breaking up the affair so they can get back together with their spouse. 

I don't recall reading any posts for anyone recommended signing their name on cheaterville. so I guess I missed the posts where you did that.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> it's not anyone's problem until they're the ones who gets their name splattered all across the site that they can't get it off of without paying money. utilizing the sleazy organization to accomplish an immediate goal is in my opinion on negative reflection on the person who's using it. cheaterville is there to make money and it makes money in two ways, one of which is to pay money to protect your reputation whether you're guilty or not.
> 
> exposing to friends and family on Facebook is far more effective and it doesn't have the same sleazy implications that cheaterville does.
> 
> ...


I've always said to expose loud and proud using your own name. If you can't do that, then IMO, you shouldn't be doing it at all.

I call utter bullsh!t on your assertion that most people's intent here is to embarrass the OM/OW. If, though, the embarrassment that accompanies the exposure causes them to run for the hills, then so be it.

Again, I don't care what you think CV's goal is. We use it here for what most of us believe is CV's intention, and that is exposing cheaters. You also don't know for a fact that they are the ones that are charging for removal of posts. That could simply be an outside entity capitalizing on an opportunity. Free enterprise is still alive and well, you know?

Okay, went and checked their FAQs and found this. Of course, you won't believe it and will still swear that they are the same company, but that's your problem.



> *Does CheaterVille make money off of removing its posts? That is, can I pay you to take down a post about me? *
> 
> No. You may not pay us to take down a post about you. We would not take down a post for any amount of money. You can offer us $1,000, $2,000, $10,000 or $100,000. We do not remove posts simply upon demand, request, nor as a result of threats, cajoling, or assertions of liability. We only remove posts if ordered to do so by a court order or an arbitrator.
> 
> ...


CheaterVille :: Don't Be the Last to Know


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> Nobody but nobody is going to say they don't mind even if they get their AP.
> 
> I suspect most people who post don't do so with the hope of ending the affair so they can R. It is pure punishment.
> 
> ...


Chris exposed POSOM on Cheaterville, split WW/POSOM up and has now got his FWW back.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

clipclop2 said:


> based on what I've seen on Tam most people exposed with the intent of embarrassing and not with the intention of breaking up the affair so they can get back together with their spouse.


I think you're spot on CC. If you want to break up an affair and assure another won't come on the heels of it, seemingly it would be more effective to publish your WS, who would than know if they do it again, the information would be available for all to see.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> I think you're spot on CC. If you want to break up an affair and assure another won't come on the heels of it, seemingly it would be more effective to publish your WS, who would than know if they do it again, the information would be available for all to see.


Aren't you a wayward (or OM) yourself, Pheonix? I can certainly understand why you would be against the usage of CV. I had forgotten that in our previous 'chats', but it all makes a bit more sense now.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

3putt, is there any reason that you are so f****** personal when you post? how do you know what I will believe or won't believe? You don't like my opinion and take it personally as though it has anything to do with you. you being a condescending jerk doesn't make the basis for your opinion stronger.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> 3putt, is there any reason that you are so f****** personal when you post? how do you know what I will believe or won't believe? You don't like my opinion and take it personally as though it has anything to do with you. you being a condescending jerk doesn't make the basis for your opinion stronger.


I don't take anything personally. The reason I posted to you the way I did is that it's been explained to you at least 100 times and you still can't look past your own opinions, which you somehow convince yourself are facts, and at least consider what's been said and proven to a large degree.

Don't take me being a jerk personal either. I didn't just pick you out of thin air. You were just there.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Truth In Posting... hmmm. Wonder what their profits are?


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

Okay, CC2, I concede I did come off a bit of a jerk the way I posted to you, and I apologize for that, but not it's content. 

Amuse me with this idiotic analogy, though:

I have a hammer on my workbench. A garden variety hammer you can buy anywhere. It's main purpose for existing is to drive nails into boards and pull nails out of boards.

That hammer can also be used for ways it wasn't intended as well....like bashing a man's skull in or bashing a cheating husband's windshield, for example.

Is it the hammer's fault that it's not being used for what it was intended, or is the fault of the one using the hammer for something it wasn't intended?

It's the same thing with CV. They can't be responsible for someone posting erroneous information about someone anymore than that hammer can be responsible for causing a man's skull to be crushed.

They both work very nicely when they are used as intended.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I understand the utility. I just believe in looking at the larger picture and sometimes that goes beyond the temporary satisfaction and momentary pain.

For instance, if it takes a court order or other legal action to get a post removed that suggests lawyers. How cheap is that? An innocent person gets slammed, has no means to their cash at the problem and they are stuck. Everyone Googles these days, even employers. 

I speak of fairness to my children regularly. Ethics extend beyond the momentary impulse and the means to an end. I think it is important to consider these things.

I have zero sympathy for cheaters. Hang the one who cheated on you first. If they are deemed OK to rehabilitate than so too must the other person be. Hell, I'm living with one. 

Use your local village to bring pressure. Use people who have knowledge of your life. 

I advocate things that go against the law at times - GPS, VARs. But they are defensive and informative. They aren't offensive. I advocate taking action, being first to protect assets and to file. 

There are a lot of tools available. The best tools not only work well, they feel good in your hand and you feel good employing them.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

*Re: Re: Effectiveness of cheaterville*



clipclop2 said:


> I understand the utility. I just believe in looking at the larger picture and sometimes that goes beyond the temporary satisfaction and momentary pain.
> 
> For instance, if it takes a court order or other legal action to get a post removed that suggests lawyers. How cheap is that? An innocent person gets slammed, has no means to throw cash at the problem and they are stuck. Everyone Googles these days, even employers.
> 
> ...


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

*Re: Re: Effectiveness of cheaterville*

.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

PS, thank you.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

*Re: Re: Effectiveness of cheaterville*

.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I'm having technology problems tonight!


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

clipclop2 said:


> I understand the utility. I just believe in looking at the larger picture and sometimes that goes beyond the temporary satisfaction and momentary pain.
> 
> Again, you're looking at this from a satisfaction standpoint and I -and others- are looking at it as a source for running the POSOM/W off. The larger picture is completely irrelevant. The immediate purpose is.
> 
> ...


All tools work well when used properly, and can be costly when not. I believe that's the very essence of my position.

Would you not agree with that?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

It's easy to know how to expose your wayward because you know their friends, family, peers, etc. Cheaterville is not for doing what you already know how to do so it's not for the wayward. My guess is that most people exposed on CV are not by the BS but by someone who does it for the BS anonymously.

Here are a few things Cheaterville might be handy for.
- to expose a wayward you DO NOT want to reconcile with.
- to expose the AP because you hope it will expose them or shame them.
- to expose some trash cheating on your friend or family.

In short, regarding this thread, it's not going to help OP reconcile.


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## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

I'm going to let this go. I do think how someone else misuses something matters. It is my problem. It could be you or me or our kids screwed by a system that is without checks and balances.

I think this way in general. I get upset about our school having "color" days knowing that some parents can't afford to get their kid a new shirt just because of an arbitrary celebration. Worse the trips to NYC and formal dances and other trips.

My values may not make sense to you. But I am firm in them.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

3putt said:


> Aren't you a wayward (or OM) yourself, Pheonix? I can certainly understand why you would be against the usage of CV.


Back 20+ years ago I far exceeded what most term the OM. I've disclosed my background so people know what they dealing with judge accordingly. My intent is similar to, "if you want to know how to protect your home from cat burglars, ask a former cat burglar". 
What I attempt to bring to the table is the reality of my experience, and my perspective and understanding of what goes on in the mind of a wayward spouse, particularly W.Ws. I've experienced a number of cases where it was understandable, although not excusable, why they took that road. (not the most popular opinion I can give) 
My only points regarding cheatersville is I can understand why its "fun" to hammer the AP and its probably somewhat effective at breaking up an affair. But if the only way to keep your spouse out of the arms, and the bed, of the APs is to scare off the competition, you're playing a pretty weak hand. Sniping at the AP from a hidden vantage point ain't likely to fix what caused the cheating to begin with.
In the final analysis, I think by reading the post, its not much of a stretch to conclude that CC2 is correct in saying that punishing the AP is likely the reason for a lot of cheatersville publications.


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## 3putt (Dec 3, 2012)

ThePheonix said:


> Back 20+ years ago I far exceeded what most term the OM. I've disclosed my background so people know what they dealing with judge accordingly. My intent is similar to, "if you want to know how to protect your home from cat burglars, ask a former cat burglar".
> What I attempt to bring to the table is the reality of my experience, and my perspective and understanding of what goes on in the mind of a wayward spouse, particularly W.Ws. I've experienced a number of cases where it was understandable, although not excusable, why they took that road. (not the most popular opinion I can give)
> My only points regarding cheatersville is I can understand why its "fun" to hammer the AP and its probably somewhat effective at breaking up an affair. But if the only way to keep your spouse out of the arms, and the bed, of the APs is to scare off the competition, you're playing a pretty weak hand. Sniping at the AP from a hidden vantage point ain't likely to fix what caused the cheating to begin with.
> In the final analysis, I think by reading the post, its not much of a stretch to conclude that CC2 is correct in saying that punishing the AP is likely the reason for a lot of cheatersville publications.


Unbelievable.


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