# What exactly is a fetish?



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Forgive my ignorance but:

What exactly is a fetish?
Why is it called a fetish?
Is it a minority event?
Who decides whether it is a fetish or not and on what basis?
Is there a registrar of new fetishes?
Is there a symbiotic relationship between a fetish and a fantasy?
Should both be confessed to the spouse or should they remain unsaid, (What do you prefer from your spouse) Can it be spoilt by outing it?


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

According to wikipedia.org a fetish is as follows:



> *Sexual fetishism* or *erotic fetishism* is a sexual fixation on a nonliving object or nongenital body part.[1] The object of interest is called the *fetish*; the person who has _a fetish_ for that object is a *fetishist*.[2] A sexual fetish may be regarded as a non-pathological aid to sexual excitement, or as a mental disorder if it causes significant psychosocial distress for the person or has detrimental effects on important areas of their life.[1][3] Sexual arousalfrom a particular body part can be further classified as partialism.[4]
> 
> While medical definitions restrict the term _sexual fetishism_ to objects or body parts,[1] _fetish_ can, in common discourse, also refer to sexual interest in specific


According to etymonline.com:



> *fetish (n.)*
> "material object regarded with awe as having mysterious powers or being the representative of a deity that may be worshipped through it," 1610s, fatisso, from Portuguese feitiço "charm, sorcery, allurement," noun use of an adjective meaning "artificial."
> 
> The Portuguese adjective is from Latin facticius "made by art, artificial," from facere "to make, do, produce" (from PIE root *dhe- "to set, put;" compare French factice "artificial," restored from Old French faitise, from Latin facticius). Via the French word, Middle English had fetis, fetice (adj.) "cleverly made, neat, elegant" (of things), "handsome, pretty, neat" (of persons). But in the Middle Ages the Romanic derivatives of the word took on magical senses; compare Portuguese feiticeria"sorcery, witchcraft," feiticeiro "sorcerer, wizard." Latin facticius in Spanish has become hechizo"artificial, imitated," also "bewitchment, fascination."
> ...


Your first six questions can be answered by doing some research online or in printed literature on the subject.

As to your last I think no-one should confess anything they don't want to . So if someone doesn't want to confess a fantasy and or a sexual fetish the best thing they could do is to keep it to themselves.

Of course a marital relationship can be hurt by a spouse outing there sexual fantasies and or fetishes. Just as a marital relationship can also be improved through a spouse outing there sexual fantasies and or fetishes. It all depends upon the people involved.

That said in my experience I have found that bringing up my non-vanilla sexual desires, has always been the most effective way to see those desires fulfilled.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@MaiChi is there something you want to do sexually with your husband that you fear he will judge you negatively for, if he knows what you desire?

Or alternatively do you feel your husband wants to do something with you, that he doesn't share with you for fear of negative judgement by you?


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Personal said:


> According to wikipedia.org a fetish is as follows:
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Thank you. 
The reason I asked was that I was not sure what a fetish was. When I googled it, a page came up with 11 most common fetishes and my logic was that if something can be described as most common, then it cannot be a minority thing and indeed the first four items on the list were what I believe most adults who have sex do. How then are these fetishes if they are most common? 

I had thought fetishes should be unusual and out of ordinary. Foot, breast, butt, etc surely cannot be fetishes since these are the items that get women noticed in the first place.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

MaiChi said:


> Thank you.
> The reason I asked was that I was not sure what a fetish was. When I googled it, a page came up with 11 most common fetishes and my logic was that if something can be described as most common, then it cannot be a minority thing and indeed the first four items on the list were what I believe most adults who have sex do. How then are these fetishes if they are most common?
> 
> I had thought fetishes should be unusual and out of ordinary. Foot, breast, butt, etc surely cannot be fetishes since these are the items that get women noticed in the first place.


No, fetishes are not necessarily unusual or out of ordinary. What is unusual is the level of need for the one with the fetish to have their object/subject of desire above and beyond (and sometimes exclusionary to) any and all other forms of desire. So the foot fetish guy literally needs a foot or feet present (many times in very specific ways) or he can’t even get aroused.

This is a lot different than a non fetish guy who just appreciates beautiful feet and likes to suck on toes and it turns him on. He will likely also be turned on by many other parts of a woman’s body. 

But the fetish guy won’t be. He won’t turned on at all unless your feet (or maybe his) are the focus of every sexual encounter.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

To answer your question about sharing vs keeping it to yourself, I do not share what's in my head with my husband. Earlier in our marriage, I started to share some of the tamer things but he doesn't want to talk about sex and there's no way I could share some of the things that he might be shocked about. 

So I just fantasize about my fetishes/kinks when I'm alone or sometimes when we have sex.


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