# My parents hate my husband & visa versa



## Dot (Sep 2, 2011)

My situation is this, I am 29 years old and have no kids. I have been married to my husband for 10 years. I love my husband very much and it hurts me so much that my parents hate him and he hates them too. 12 years ago I met my husband at school. I was only still 17 at the time, so I suppose that my parents had every right to be protective over me. Well things started okay at first... one night I was on the phone with my now husband and my mom took the phone and wanted to ask him what his intentions were towards me, well needless to say, he was at first surprised with this question and tried to answer her as best he could considering that we were very new in our relationship.

Well life went on and since I was still somewhat a young lady I would try to sneak out and stay at my hubby's house for the night. Which I guess would send any parent into a frenzy, so she decided to play tough and kick me out of the house, and literally threw all my belongings out onto the street in front of his then appartment. She uttered a few "I'll send so and so on you" and so on. After that my man has never really had alot of respect for her for that reason. Her efforts to have me feel the burden of being kicked out didn't end up working, as I ended up staying with him and then marrying him once I was of legal age.

Over the many years believe it or not, my husband and I have lived on and off with my parents, and not just because we couldn't pay our own bills, we just wanted to all save some money at the time. But in doing this I have found it has been not so good for the relationship with my family and my husband. My husband likes to drink beer, he likes it too much at times, and like some people can become a crappy drunk. Well now my folks just refer to him as an alcoholic and a worthless piece of crap wet brain and so on. Pointing out all his faults since they have been able to see them out there while we live together. Our family fights are embarrassing to top it all off, and very verbally abusive. That and both my husband and mother are quick tempered and niether one is the type to back down from the fight. It just so happens that my mother is better at it I guess you could say. Alot of mean things have been said back and forth and that in it's self can ruin the relationship in my opinion.

I will be the first to admit that my husband is not the award winning man of the year or anything, but he does make me happy for the most part, and his faults I can live with personally.

The problem is this, my mother is the type of person who feeds on a good fight. She does not fight fair either, she will use anything she can to cut you to the bone and leave you really hurt and resentful over it for a long time. Her and my husband seem to have this thing where they blame me as being the one that has caused their hate towards eachother and I am the bad guy over it all. I can't talk to either one of them about anything that has to do with them or I risk a fight or being blamed for their fights. I am in a sticky spot right now and for the next few months I have no choice but to stay in my living situation, so I guess I am sqrewed there. I am just so tired of all the tension that goes around with all of us. Then today my mom does it again with the blaming me for the hostility and she says she can't understand why he hates her and such, I was like why not ask him?? She even said after we part from our situation, she never wants to see him again and that she doesn't want to see me either. What do I say to that? I was like "okay" you got to do what you got to do right. She then said well It's not like we won't talk, but I just need a break. I am like "okay" I do too. I just hate this drama!!!! 

At times she tries to convince me to leave my man, and convince me that he is a loser and I hate that. I wish she would just back off and keep her opinions to herself. But as I said if I should tell her that, she will likely retalliate by being mean and cutting. Any advice??? Should I leave my man over this? Or should I just let my family leave me? I love my family very much, and at a time I felt like my mom was my best friend but now I feel a major strain on our relationship. I can't even talk to her about my relationship with my husband anymore because of how she feels about him. I feel really at a loss over this all and my heart breaks.


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## looking4support (Sep 12, 2011)

I have had the same problem with my mother and my mother-in-law. Although we have never lived with either of them, I was waaay to open with them about my husband's bad behavior. At the time I just felt like I needed a shoulder to cry on.

It didn't take me long though to figure out that when I only tell them the bad things, all they know is that he always hurt me. When I finally came to realize this, I started to only tell them the good things he's done for me. I now keep a journal that I can use to vent in where it doesn't hurt anyone. It has really changed thier attitude towards him. When thier attitude towards him changed, they put off a different vibe he must have picked up on. Now that he doesn't feel that they hate him, he acts more friendly and cordial to my parents. 

I don't know if anything can help when you are all living together and they can see the actions that they suspect him of. When you can move out, I would give this a try and see if everything doesn't get a little bit better for you! Good Luck!


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Your marriage started off on the wrong foot with your parents, and it is unfortunate that you must live with them now.

The only way to avoid fights is not to engage with the angry person. Tell your husband to say to your mother when she makes cutting comments, "I do not care to discuss this," and walk away. Make sure he is not the one starting the fight. Do not discuss anything about your husband with your mother.

I hope you can get your own place soon; that is the only thing that will bring peace to your relationship.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Neither your mother or your husband owns their own anger towards one another. Pretty immature, but it is what it is.

Next time mom starts ragging on you and/or your husband, look her dead in the eye and say, "Your opinion of someone else is really none of my business." Then just walk away. Repeat as often as needed until you can move out.

You can only be put in the middle if you allow it. Your mother is a drama junkie. If you cut her out of your life, considering the way she behaves at this point, I don't think you would be losing much.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Is your husband working?


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## joe kidd (Feb 8, 2011)

My MIL is not even allowed in my house. That being said it sounds as if you are stuck with this until you move out.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

turnera said:


> Is your husband working?


This was my first thought.

My next thoughts were...

Does he treat you with respect?
Is he verbally physically abusive?
Is he slovenly?

Are there current reasons your mom may hate him?


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## mrnice (Aug 11, 2009)

Life's to short to be dealing with this crap. Your hubby sounds like a boring beer drinking lounge lizard anyway perhaps you could find a decent guy to keep you and your mum happy.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Cut your mom out of your life. She is toxic.

I'm cutting my mom out of my life for similar reasons.


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## FirstYearDown (Sep 15, 2011)

Married couples need to have their own space, literally and emotionally. My mother knows very little about my marriage and my mother in law only hears the great things about her son. There is no need for our parents to know anything. 

Your husband's apparent alcohol problem is a separate issue.


Do you have a plan to get your own place?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

This is pretty normal. You need to cut through it. Your parents (need to) have their own lives.


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