# a saying ive heard



## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Soive heard that there is a man for every woman, but not necessarily a woman for every man. What do you all think about this
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I think it's horse hockey. A successful relationship isn't a matter of getting lucky and finding the one, single person on earth right for you. It's a matter of finding someone with decent character who shares your most basic values and who is equally committed to making the damned thing work. 90 year olds who are still married didn't marry someone perfect. They married someone too hard headed to quit. Right up until the last few decades, finding a spouse meant finding one who happened to be single and marriage age within walking or horseback distance from your house. Your selection pool would have been quite small. Those marriages tended to last. Nowadays, we can chat it up with people all over the world but our marriages have about the same success rate as a coin toss.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

When I was a kid growing up Baptist, they always preached to us that God has a special person created just for you, and that you just have to wait on God to bring that man or woman to you. 

I never bought into that malarky and I still don't buy it. I don't believe in "Soulmates". What a crock!

I believe that we are all born with a mind and a heart and a conscience. Two people can learn to love and live with one another, even when there is no immediate chemistry. It comes down to daily choosing to respect and love each other. 

Our wayward spouses chose to believe the 'soulmates' crap, and that if you are not happy with the one you are married with, then it is okay to dump them and leave them behind so you can go find "the one".

That is just messed up thinking.


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

I believe in a special there can be a connection, chemistry, a certain spark between two people. At that point, both people need to fan the flames, communicate, enjoy life, etc.

As Conrad said (and I hope I am not misquoting), it's simple but not (always) easy.

Not sure I believe in soulmates, although I gotta say my parents-in-law are about the closest thing I've seen to soulmates. Definitely lovebirds. In this case, the apple fell faaaaar from the tree. *cough*

Proud, you do know that once again you're feeding yourself a spoonful of negativity, right? Of course there is someone out there for you. You're doing a great job of healing. You've got someone new to look forward to, I'm positive.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

I believe that whether you talk about relationships or business, people of character will always be rare and in high demand. Not just anything with a penis is worthy of the designation "man".


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I think that only applies at the club and when looking for casual sex. If that is a problem for you, then stay until closing time and put on your beer goggles.


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## 52flower (Mar 4, 2011)

bandit.45 said:


> When I was a kid growing up Baptist, they always preached to us that God has a special person created just for you, and that you just have to wait on God to bring that man or woman to you.
> 
> I never bought into that malarky and I still don't buy it. I don't believe in "Soulmates". What a crock!
> 
> ...


I agree, very messed up. My parents were married 60 years after being set up. Neither could face causing each other unhappiness. They just couldn't see each other sad, especially when they caused it. Selfishness just wasn't in their relationship. I guess that's why I stupidly trusted that he would never break my heart. It was incomprehensibly easy for him to see the hurt in my eyes & tell me our 17 year marriage was OK but he wanted better. Yes...very messed up ways of selfish people.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Not sure. Verdict is out there. I'll play the field for a while and I'll let you know what my research receals about that theory. If there's only one, it should be obvious, right? 

PS Yes, Homemaker is on the loose. 
:-o


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

You come into this life naked bloody and screaming and that's pretty much how you leave. Everything in between is commentary.


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## Mamatomany (Jan 10, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> When I was a kid growing up Baptist, they always preached to us that God has a special person created just for you, and that you just have to wait on God to bring that man or woman to you.
> 
> I never bought into that malarky and I still don't buy it. I don't believe in "Soulmates". What a crock!
> 
> ...


I wonder if we agree on the term "soulmates" does that mean one mate per soul or if our souls can/do mate? Just asking? I have met some that could mesh with my soul. Maybe the term should be "souls mesh" I have met enough guys know that they were nice enough guys but not someone I'd want to grow with for any length of time.


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## johnnycomelately (Oct 30, 2010)

Excuse me for getting technical but there is strong a theory that human males are moderate 'harem-keepers'. By that I mean that through a large part of our evolution many males had several female mates, and some males had none.

This theory is backed up by several factors, including our sexual dimorphism (males are bigger than females) which is evidence that we had to protect our harem, and the fact that most human societies are polygynous (one man, several women). 
_
One estimate is that 83% of human societies are polygynous, 0.05% are polyandrous, and the rest are monogamous. Even the last group may at least in part be genetically polygynous._ - Wikipedia

You just need to read the Bible to see that polygamy was common, and it still is throughout Asia and Africa.

So, in short, yes there is something in that saying.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Mamatomany said:


> I wonder if we agree on the term "soulmates" does that mean one mate per soul or if our souls can/do mate? Just asking? I have met some that could mesh with my soul. Maybe the term should be "souls mesh" I have met enough guys know that they were nice enough guys but not someone I'd want to grow with for any length of time.


I have a different perspective.

I think our soul mate is the one that evokes emotions within us that are so powerful, we're forced to confront ourselves.


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> When I was a kid growing up Baptist, they always preached to us that God has a special person created just for you, and that you just have to wait on God to bring that man or woman to you.
> 
> I never bought into that malarky and I still don't buy it. I don't believe in "Soulmates". What a crock!
> 
> ...


I agree Bandit. Soul-mates are advertises in our society as the goal. To me the concept of a soul-mate is selfish. I don't care how much spark, passion, or chemistry you have with someone, there will come a day when either you or that person hurts one another. We are all selfish human beings and at some point we put our own interests above that of our spouse. This is where the concept of soul-mate fails, because it takes a decision by both persons to love, forgive, and reconcile, to move past emotional pain. Passion and chemistry (soul-mates) are definitely a few components in a relationship but they are not love. Love is a choice. 

Whether you read the Bible or not, for me, this is the best definition of love I have found; 1 Corinthians 4-7: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

If married couples would decide to make an effort to reach this standard or one similar, I feel divorce rates would drop significantly. That is not the case sadly, as it seems easier to keep searching for the next "soulmate", and the next round of passionate chemistry.


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

Very insightful, Andy. Thanks.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Myself, I have to tell you after the Brewers the Red Sox are my favorite team. I went out there in 2007 for my 30th birthday, watched the Red Sox vs the Yankees, got to try on the Red Sox 2004 World Series ring, it was WICKED!


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## canguy66 (Dec 18, 2011)

> Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.


In an ideal world, that is a great definition. 



> That is not the case sadly, as it seems easier to keep searching for the next "soulmate", and the next round of passionate chemistry.


We live in a disposable society where it is all too easy to upgrade or throw out the old model for something new. Media has also pushed "happiness" on us as consumers, in the way that happiness is identified with highs and new is always portrayed as better. 

For some people, love is like Tarzan, swinging from vine to vine, from relationship to relationship, as if in a search for someone they cannot find or come to peace with in themselves.

I say this knowing some people are not good fits for each other, but for others, it often a lack of commitment and effort from one or both partners.

Ok, off the soapbox. Next?


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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

proudwidaddy said:


> Myself, I have to tell you after the Brewers the Red Sox are my favorite team. I went out there in 2007 for my 30th birthday, watched the Red Sox vs the Yankees, got to try on the Red Sox 2004 World Series ring, it was WICKED!


No kidding?! Your application seems to be rising toward the top of the pile.  I live in a different state now but luckily there are other Bostonians here so I am not alone. There's nothing like an evening at Fenway when the air is warm and summer seems like it will last forever!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

The only thing that ruined it was the Yankees won the game on an ARod Homerun


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

My wife sat me down and said "I know this is hard for you, but I don't think this is it for me."

That's how easily she justified destroying everything we had worked so hard on for 11 years.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

synthetic said:


> My wife sat me down and said "I know this is hard for you, but I don't think this is it for me."
> 
> That's how easily she justified destroying everything we had worked so hard on for 11 years.


Synthetic,

You just answered your own question.

You used the word "we"

Was it really "we" working so hard? Or was it only "you"?


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## proudwidaddy (Dec 26, 2011)

Yeah, my wife basically said that "she's no good for me, that it's not fair to me, that I deserve better."


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Synthetic,
> 
> You just answered your own question.
> 
> ...


I'd like to give her some credit for the long journey. Maybe that's just the 'nice-guy' in me.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Hmmm...soulmates.

Maybe I am still a bit of a romantic, but I do think that it is possible for two people to have such an intense and deep connection that they might be considered "soul-mates". 

But, I don't think that means we have one true soul-mate in our lifetime. There are so many different levels that we connect with other human beings (and animals too)...

For instance, I have a good childhood friend who I sort of consider a soul-mate. She and I have always connected and understood each other at such a deep level--words are often not needed between us--we just *know* how the other person feels. We can go months without talking or seeing each other, but as soon as I get on the phone with her--we just connect..on a much deeper and more personal level than any other friend in my life.

One of my dogs was sort of a "soulmate"...I have loved all of my dogs, but one in particular was just simply amazing. I know this probably sounds really strange to some of you--but, it is the truth. We had an unshakable bond. And, he and I were connected in a way that I don't think a lot of people would understand--particularly if you have never owned a dog or cat. He actually died 2 days before my ex moved out. I was devastated, and I think I missed him more than my ex-husband at the time. ...because, at the time, my ex-husband and I had absolutely no emotional connection.

But, I guess a "soulmate" in the romantic sense is someone who connects with you in both body and mind. Sexuality, love, and companionship are all different things--but, I guess I would define a "soulmate" as someone who you have an intense connection in terms of your sexuality, love and companionship.

I do believe that it is possible to connect with a person on all those levels. However, I think sometimes this notion of a "soulmate" causes us to romanticize our relationships and look past "red flags" that might pop up. For instance, I thought that my ex-husband and I had a celestial connection---so intense that no matter what happened or what he did we would find a way to work through it. The lies, the infidelity, the betrayal--we would conquer this, because we were meant to be together!  We were soulmates, afterall. 

For me, in my next relationship, I am going to try to hold off and suspend that romantic notion of a "soulmate". I want to connect with someone with my whole body and my whole mind--sexuality, companionship, and love. But, I am going to try not to ignore certain red flags in my relationship because I "feel" like we are soulmates. 

I do want my soul to mate with someone again. But, that is a process--not something that just happens....and it is going to be amazing when it does happen, because I am soooo much smarter and more aware now. ...I am so much more well-prepared for this connection.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

synthetic said:


> I'd like to give her some credit for the long journey. Maybe that's just the 'nice-guy' in me.


Stay with me @50,000 feet

Does she apologize?

Does she seek you out to heal things when there are disagreements?

Or does she sulk and pout and insist you come to her?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

proudwidaddy said:


> Yeah, my wife basically said that "she's no good for me, that it's not fair to me, that I deserve better."


Roughly translated.... "get lost" and I'll throw you a bone/compliment so I'll feel better.


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## Andy968 (Apr 29, 2012)

jpr said:


> Hmmm...soulmates.
> 
> I do want my soul to mate with someone again. But, that is a process--not something that just happens....and it is going to be amazing when it does happen, because I am soooo much smarter and more aware now. ...I am so much more well-prepared for this connection.


Your thoughts are interesting. Your desciption of a soul mate fits what I would want in a relationship as well. I also think your statement of finding a soul mate via process and not something that just happens is spot on. Nicely done.


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## endofstory (Apr 23, 2012)

Andy968 said:


> I agree Bandit. Soul-mates are advertises in our society as the goal. To me the concept of a soul-mate is selfish. I don't care how much spark, passion, or chemistry you have with someone, there will come a day when either you or that person hurts one another. We are all selfish human beings and at some point we put our own interests above that of our spouse. This is where the concept of soul-mate fails, because it takes a decision by both persons to love, forgive, and reconcile, to move past emotional pain. Passion and chemistry (soul-mates) are definitely a few components in a relationship but they are not love. Love is a choice.
> 
> Whether you read the Bible or not, for me, this is the best definition of love I have found; 1 Corinthians 4-7: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
> 
> If married couples would decide to make an effort to reach this standard or one similar, I feel divorce rates would drop significantly. That is not the case sadly, as it seems easier to keep searching for the next "soulmate", and the next round of passionate chemistry.


I like what you write here Andy968 and I totally agree. I think alot of people today think that marriage is just something you walk out of once it's not suitable anymore or this and that. A wise man once told me that all marriage has problems..little or big problems, but it's never about blame, it's about commitment.
I agree with what you wrote that Love is a choice. Once you choose a person to marry you make a commitment.
In my early adult life before I got married and had children, I saw alot of married couple that struggled...but they found solutions and the fought to stay married. I saw how commited they were to their marriage. They forgave eachohter and could see past their issues and differences. They are a good example of what God is trying to teach us about love. Its so sad to think of the high divorce rates these days. I think about my children and my grandchildren. What I want to teach them about marriage..
I grew up with married parents. I've known about their struggles and trials in their marriage, but never once did I hear divorce. I asked them too if they ever considered it, they said " NEVER".


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