# Hit by a bomb



## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

My husband and who i have been married to for 15 years and is out of town, tells me he wants a divorce. He wont answer calls or texts. Im going crazy. I have 4 kids with him and having a hard time taking care of them. I cant eat, dont know what to do with myself. Crying so much i cant go any where.

We had addiction problems in the begining of our marriage and both cheated. We have been sober seven years. He started a business that is now doing well. He was working a lot.

I got sick for a year but took care of myself without his help. I am finally better and i thought things were going good.

He started hanging out with his secretary a lot and I said that needed to stop. So he got a new one. He addmitted it was an emotional affair. They had an office together for four months that he never told me about.

Then he startedtelling me he didnt love me anymore and we started therapy. He calls me parinoid and getting into his work business, which he told me to stay out of. We started it together until i got sick.
I take care of the kids and house and was ready to start working again. He totally shut me out. Started lying, wont let me see finances and since i kept asking he said I want a divorce. He said i would see things that wouldnt look right and go ruin things???? But says everythings on board it would just be me seeing something that wasnt there???? What is he talking about, Im not crazy.

He started bringing up his past when in highschool he got his girlfriend pregnant. They had 2 kids were married for 7 years. She made it impossible for him to see his kids. She eventually moved 500 miles away. I would have supported him in moving closer but he gave up. Now he blames it on me.

For the first 5 years of our marriage when we were drinking he was physically abusive. Then he got sober and it was more emotional. In 15 years, i have maybe gone out with a friend 10 times. He gets jealous if i go, but now is saying I never go out and have no life. I was sick and raising 4 children.

Writing this makes me see that it was a rocky relationship, but the last seven were good. We had of lives in order doing the right thing. 

So now i get this call saying its over done.

I dont want our children shuffled back and forth . They love us both and ive been reading about the affects of divorce on children. The last few weeks we had been arguing about the business and trust in front of them. Am I crazy to want to stay and make this work? I have no one to talk to.

Tommorow I have an appointment with a lawyer that says she will establish emmergency child support, spousal support and put a freeze on a safety deposit box he opened without telling me. Also forbid him from house until we got a real court date. His flight gets home at 10 and he wants me to pick him up and let him stay here until he finds a place. Why would i do that? Same time i think maybe i could get him to stay.

Im sccared financly, for our kids, and i dont know what to do.
Today he texted me one thing, that hes torn.

Im in pieces and confused and cant even move, I feel frozen. What do i do?


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## soca70 (Oct 30, 2012)

OK - deep breaths as you are experiencing a huge shock to the system - it's almost like PTSD. Sorry you are here.

You've made a good move with contacting an attorney to protect you financially and the kids for now.

My thoughts would be to pick him up at the airport to give you a chance to find out what his mindset is so you can make future decions. I would not be against having him stay at the house tonight but that's my opinion.

Do you have an AA sponsor? If so, get in touch ASAP for support. Also possibly check into an therapist or counselor.

This is a good place to come to for advice/suggestions.

Good luck.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

DO NOT pick him up at the airport. In fact, pack his stuff up so he can get the hell out right away when he gets home. If you think he will be abusive, go to a shelter.

The lawyer is the right first step. Be strong. Kids are far better off away from cheaters, which it sounds like your husband is.


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## All of a sudden (Jan 24, 2013)

He hasnt hit me in years, I dont think he would again. Thjnking about the advice thanks!


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Just found your thread. So sorry you are going through this. He will regret just walking out. California has SO many mechanisms in place to assist the left behind spouse to get support from deadbeat dads. And he certainly qualifies.


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