# Need Advice!



## MaddieGirl (Jul 20, 2013)

I feel like me and my husband are just friends now. I have to beg him for sex. It's maybe.. if i'm lucky, once every 2 weeks now. I have to ask him or just remind him sometimes that it would be nice to get a kiss every once in a while. He has never been a real touchy, affectionate guy. Everytime I try and talk to him he gets mad and says that it just isn't the way he is, he isn't a very sexual/touchy guy and he could go without sex forever???? WHAT! But he wants to go to the strip club with his friends.. it just makes me feel really bad. I'm not at all asking for a make out session everytime we see each other, just a little acknowledgement that i'm actually there. It just bothers me that he doesn't even try and make an effort when I tell him it is really something that I need. We've only been married a little over a year and we are both 20 years old. Is anyone else going through a similar situation?


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## dc366 (May 25, 2011)

You are so young and already having problems in the bedroom. At your age sex should be daily or even twice a day. Is your husband with other women? From what you are saying it sounds like he is disinterested in you. For the next 6 weeks stop asking for anything sexual. Humans only value things that are not as readily available. Quit making eye contact with him.
If he has never been real touchy, I guess he has become spoiled by you pleasuring him without getting anything in return. Quit that behavior. You should give him what he gives you, no less no more. It is in the kamasutra. One kiss for a kiss, one blow for a blow. Let him initiate. If he doesn't you should not initiate. Change your behavior.. Your attitude should be "if you don't want to have sex it's for the best". Once you start behaving less needy, he will automatically get inclined to have sex with you. Remember the 1 for 1 rule. No more BJs until he goes down on you. 
If everything does not work ask him if he can buy you a male prostitute.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

MaddieGirl said:


> I feel like me and my husband are just friends now. I have to beg him for sex. It's maybe.. if i'm lucky, once every 2 weeks now. I have to ask him or just remind him sometimes that it would be nice to get a kiss every once in a while. He has never been a real touchy, affectionate guy. Everytime I try and talk to him he gets mad and says that it just isn't the way he is, he isn't a very sexual/touchy guy and he could go without sex forever???? WHAT! But he wants to go to the strip club with his friends.. it just makes me feel really bad. I'm not at all asking for a make out session everytime we see each other, just a little acknowledgement that i'm actually there. It just bothers me that he doesn't even try and make an effort when I tell him it is really something that I need. We've only been married a little over a year and we are both 20 years old. Is anyone else going through a similar situation?



What you're going through I've been going through since I got married 13+ years ago.....my wifee is like your hubby.

These people are what we call low sex drive (LD) individuals. There isn't much you can do but put up with it, have a man on the side......like many here do or get a divorce and find a normal man with a high sex drive. Many of them out there!!!

If you don't initiate sex and leave it to him, that will immediately backfire because he is LD and doesn't care for sex. You'll be getting sex 1x month or less.....

Sad thing is, he should be taking care of your need, sex in this case, like a loving hubby is supposed to do. Divorce if he doesn't get it or change....


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## john 47 (Jul 5, 2013)

Very low drive for a 20 year old man. Is he in the mood when he comes back from the strip club? Have you suspected an affair?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Are you good in bed? Are you sure?


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

MaddieGirl said:


> I feel like me and my husband are just friends now. I have to beg him for sex. It's maybe.. if i'm lucky, once every 2 weeks now. I have to ask him or just remind him sometimes that it would be nice to get a kiss every once in a while. He has never been a real touchy, affectionate guy. Everytime I try and talk to him he gets mad and says that it just isn't the way he is, he isn't a very sexual/touchy guy and he could go without sex forever???? WHAT! But he wants to go to the strip club with his friends.. it just makes me feel really bad. I'm not at all asking for a make out session everytime we see each other, just a little acknowledgement that i'm actually there. It just bothers me that he doesn't even try and make an effort when I tell him it is really something that I need. We've only been married a little over a year and we are both 20 years old. Is anyone else going through a similar situation?


I think he's FOS. However he could go to strip clubs and not be an affectionate guy. He may fantacize about what he wants to DO to those strippers, and it's not hug and nourish, but to use for his own pleasure. It's why a lot of people are just not good lovers, they only think about themself.

I do guarantee you that your husband is joining in to what his friends are doing in those environments.

He may not do all they do, but he's doing alot of it.

If it's not a problem, ask him to invite you some of the times.


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## Kari (Feb 17, 2012)

I think it will only get worse, very sorry to say. I think you should get out of the marriage quickly before kids are involved. Do you really want to go through life starved for affection and sex? Find someone more compatible and you will have a happier life.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

You have one thing going for you at this point in your life and relationship, and that is youth. I'd say this--if you don't have kids with him, give him exactly one chance and then get out of the relationship. 

Set boundaries, make them crystal clear and stick to them. A married guy that won't have sex with his wife but wants to go to a strip club smells like trouble to me. If you aren't comfortable with it (and i wouldn't be either), let him know that it's off limits.

Bottom line, this is your BEST chance to fix things--early in the relationship, and early in life, but it takes CRYSTAL CLEAR COMMUNICATION. Don't let that pass you by and wake up 10 years down the road in a sexless marriage. Once the kids come, it doesn't get any easier, trust me.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

I agree with some of the posts above. He is way too young to be disinterested in sex if he is a healthy 20 year old male.

The touchy/feely showing affection thing is another matter, and you knew that before you got married. Can't fault him for that one.

Ask him why he is going to the strip clubs with his buddies. Is it just to hang out and drink, because you can do that at any bar, without the strippers and money spent in the G-strings. 
Most men come home from strip clubs and are chasing their wives around the house like a bull in heat. What is his attitude when he comes home from viewing the strippers?

Also, if he is only 20, how is he getting into the strip clubs? Last time I checked you need to be 21 to get in since they serve alcohol, and have naked women running around.

How long did you date for before getting married? 
You said in your post above, "He has never been a real touchy, affectionate guy." Was he that way when dating? and if so, why did you marry the guy if that's important to you? 
Did you think his ability for intimacy would increase once married? 

My wife is in the low sexual drive category too, but we've been married for 28 years and it wasn't always that way, especially in the first few years of marriage. 
I thought I knew what I was getting when proposing marriage, but she slowly changed over a period of the last 12 years, not the first few months.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Your husband is 20, hangs out with the guys a lot, doesn't want sex with his young wife...

Is he good with fabrics, colors and textures....
Is he usually better groomed than you?
Does he drink appletini's

Do the math.......

the woodchuck


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

MaddieGirl said:


> I feel like me and my husband are just friends now. I have to beg him for sex. It's maybe.. if i'm lucky, once every 2 weeks now. I have to ask him or just remind him sometimes that it would be nice to get a kiss every once in a while. He has never been a real touchy, affectionate guy. Everytime I try and talk to him he gets mad and says that it just isn't the way he is, he isn't a very sexual/touchy guy and he could go without sex forever???? WHAT! But he wants to go to the strip club with his friends.. it just makes me feel really bad. I'm not at all asking for a make out session everytime we see each other, just a little acknowledgement that i'm actually there. It just bothers me that he doesn't even try and make an effort when I tell him it is really something that I need. We've only been married a little over a year and we are both 20 years old. Is anyone else going through a similar situation?


the writings on the wall. if you don't want to battle one of the most improtant things ina marriage the rest of your life then it might be time to pull the plug and move on.


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

Another possibility is he is one of those guys that puts his wife on a virtual pedestal and doesn't think of her in a sexual way. *****s and strippers are fine to think of that way but not the wife. Is that a possibility?


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## TheCuriousWife (Jan 28, 2013)

Your life is EXACTLY like mine except that we still have sex 2 or 3 times a week, and no strip clubs. But most of that is pity sex for me. I wish I knew how to fix our problems. 

I'll be watching.


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## MaddieGirl (Jul 20, 2013)

Thank you so much everybody for all of your advice!! I decided to look through the internet history on his phone for the first time and saw that he has been looking at a lot of pornography. I've confronted him about it. He finally admitted to watching porn everyday, and says that it's normal for men to look at porn. Could this be a reason why he never wants to have sex? Is this normal? Is this happening to anyone else?


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Could you tell what kind of porn he's watching? I'm just getting a strong vibe that he's bored by the sex he has with you. That's why I asked the question I asked before.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

I cannot speak for all men but, usually watching porn gets the urges flowing, and women have to beat their male partners off with a stick, or hose them off with cold water.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Batman4691 said:


> I cannot speak for all men but, usually watching porn gets the urges flowing, and women have to beat their male partners off with a stick, or hose them off with cold water.


That hasn't been the case with me. I watch porn and I see enthusiasm and desire. Then I go to bed and sometimes get "ok, climb on board" and it's like, really? Can't even try a little bit? The comparison makes it hard to desire her. To be clear I'm talking about the comparison of enthusiasm and desire, not the women themselves.


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## MaddieGirl (Jul 20, 2013)

No, I didn't look into what kind of porn it was. He just keeps telling me that he isn't a very sexual guy...


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

WOE - maybe you suck in bed and that's why your wife has no enthusiasm?

Which is a mean thing to say, but it is basically the same thing you are saying to MaddieGirl.

Both could be true, though.


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## Batman4691 (Jun 24, 2013)

Faithful Wife said:


> WOE - maybe you suck in bed and that's why your wife has no enthusiasm?
> 
> Which is a mean thing to say, but it is basically the same thing you are saying to MaddieGirl.
> 
> Both could be true, though.


Who is saying that??? 

We were just commenting on pornography in general and the effects it has on most men. 

I don't recall anyone telling Maddie that there is something wrong with her.


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## MaddieGirl (Jul 20, 2013)

All I know is that I try really hard in bed to please him... I don't think i'm boring in bed.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Batman,Working on Me said: "I'm just getting a strong vibe that he's bored by the sex he has with you."


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

He cant be both. He cant claim a low sex drive and also be watching porn every day. He is choosing mastuebation over his wife (not in addition to) and here is a reason. He is not giving you the reason - yet.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

A not very sexual guy. Who watches porn every day and goes to strip clubs. Ok. 

FW, maybe you're right. Or maybe we just aren't compatible. The things I like she doesn't and the things she likes I don't. Like last night, she suggested I tie her up but I declined. I explained that the fun in tying her is to be in charge, but she has all these rules about what can't be done so all the fun is taken out of it. 

Anyway, just like your point to me, my point to Maddie is she may need some self reflection and some investigation into what turns her man on. He says he's not sexual but that's an obvious lie. Something about their interaction is holding him back from her.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Seeing as how you married each other at age 19 - is this a change in him since you have been married ---- or did you guys wait until marriage.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Working said : *"Something about their interaction is holding him back from her."*

Ok, but in this statement you are "placing blame" on HER for HIS porn issue. 

Sort of like the way you seem to blame your wife for your porn use.

To me this is a very immature way to look at it. Just my opinion.


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## MaddieGirl (Jul 20, 2013)

We've been sexually active since dating. I don't know what to think? I'm just really confused.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

MaddieGirl said:


> We've been sexually active since dating. I don't know what to think? I'm just really confused.


hes giving you a line of bull that 10 feet deep. he very likley has a porn problem. 


ok now let review the facts! 

hes been lying to you saying hes not sexual.


can you live with someone or stay married to someone who would rather masterbate than have sex/make love to the person he is spending the rest of his life with.


who is a lyer or a coward because he couldn't fess up.


your young time for the exit plan.


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## MaddieGirl (Jul 20, 2013)

Thanks everyone for all of your advice I really appreciate it!


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## Kaci (Mar 11, 2013)

Woodchuck said:


> Your husband is 20, hangs out with the guys a lot, doesn't want sex with his young wife...
> 
> Is he good with fabrics, colors and textures....
> Is he usually better groomed than you?
> ...


:rofl: Good one!


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## Kaci (Mar 11, 2013)

MaddieGirl said:


> All I know is that I try really hard in bed to please him... I don't think i'm boring in bed.


A nineteen year old man bored with having sex with his wife? Is that even possible??


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Actually, I would believe him saying he's just not that sexual.

A person (male or female) who would rather masturbate than have partnered sex, is in my opinion, not very sexual.

If having real sex is a priorty to someone, they will do it.


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## Kaci (Mar 11, 2013)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Could you tell what kind of porn he's watching? I'm just getting a strong vibe that he's bored by the sex he has with you. That's why I asked the question I asked before.


:scratchhead:

I'm surprised you would say that. How can a 20 year old human male be bored with any sex that is offered???? 

You also asked her if she was good in bed. That's a low-blow.

What doesn't make sense: Young man not wanting sex at home, but goes to strip bars and looks at porn. He is getting it elseware, or masterbating.


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## aeasty (Jun 5, 2013)

my ex wifey was similar in the way she never wanted sex just work on yourself for the next few weeks and even go out on a few girls nights and when he goes to the strippers you and your friends go to male strippers. Don't ever settle for a crappy sex life it will just drag the rest of your life down


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## steve71 (Feb 5, 2010)

What about your lives outside the bedroom? Is he in a stressful job working very long hours, worried sick about job insecurity, or maybe unemployed and burdened with high expectations of being a good provider? These are just a few of the many things that could make a 20 year-old, maybe also overwhelmed by adjusting to his first deep relationship, silently shriek 'stop the world, i want to get off'. Diverting his sexuality into solitary pleasures would be consistent with that. I get the impression that the strippers thing is more to do with male bonding stuff than a sexual outlet. If any of the above is true and he isn't sharing his woes you may be able to help by opening him up. And if he doesn't recoil completely from physical contact maybe some form of less-pressured sensual sharing like learning massage together would lead to you feeling cared for and appreciated? Might be worth a try.


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