# Not sure what to do - world upside down



## goldie800 (Aug 18, 2017)

My husband, who I've been with since 19 years old (16 + years) and have two children with, decided about 2 weeks ago that he was done with this relationship. We recently bought a new house about a month ago and I noticed a lack of intimacy and him retreating. He was also more concerned with his diet and bringing his phone with him everywhere. I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that he was cheating on me. After confronting him about it several times (and him denying it), I finally found text messages between them. I confronted him again and he told me that he didn't want to work on the marriage anymore. I told him if he was unable to stop speaking to this woman and work on our marriage, he would need to leave the house. This weekend will be one week since he's been moving from motel to rest stop to sleep at night. I told him several times to come home - even if he didn't want to work on things - but just so that he wouldn't have to sleep in his car. He's refused.

I am so sick and in shock over this. A few weeks ago everything was fine - no major issues - and now my life is upside down and I'm being blamed for the demise of my marriage. He still comes to the house after work to clean, cook and take care of the kids until I come home from work -- and leaves after I arrive. I don't know how to approach him anymore, what to say, how to act or what to do. I love and miss him so much and can't believe he is throwing his life away over some woman who isn't his wife.

Words of wisdom greatly appreciated :crying:


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

goldie800 said:


> My husband, who I've been with since 19 years old (16 + years) and have two children with, decided about 2 weeks ago that he was done with this relationship. We recently bought a new house about a month ago and I noticed a lack of intimacy and him retreating. He was also more concerned with his diet and bringing his phone with him everywhere. I couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling that he was cheating on me. After confronting him about it several times (and him denying it), I finally found text messages between them. I confronted him again and he told me that he didn't want to work on the marriage anymore. I told him if he was unable to stop speaking to this woman and work on our marriage, he would need to leave the house. This weekend will be one week since he's been moving from motel to rest stop to sleep at night. I told him several times to come home - even if he didn't want to work on things - but just so that he wouldn't have to sleep in his car. He's refused.
> 
> I am so sick and in shock over this. A few weeks ago everything was fine - no major issues - and now my life is upside down and I'm being blamed for the demise of my marriage. He still comes to the house after work to clean, cook and take care of the kids until I come home from work -- and leaves after I arrive. I don't know how to approach him anymore, what to say, how to act or what to do. I love and miss him so much and can't believe he is throwing his life away over some woman who isn't his wife.
> 
> Words of wisdom greatly appreciated :crying:


Sorry you find yourself stuck in this situation. Have you consulted a lawyer yet? Your still in shock over this and that's common. 

Let him sleep in his car, its a consequence of his actions. Only talk to him regarding the welfare of the kids and nothing more. Right now he believes he can come home at anytime so he has no reason to end the affair. I'd tell you to file for divorce and start protecting yourself and kids. He needs to see and believe you will not tolerate this and are done before he will start thinking about ending his affair.


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## goldie800 (Aug 18, 2017)

honcho said:


> Sorry you find yourself stuck in this situation. Have you consulted a lawyer yet? Your still in shock over this and that's common.
> 
> Let him sleep in his car, its a consequence of his actions. Only talk to him regarding the welfare of the kids and nothing more. Right now he believes he can come home at anytime so he has no reason to end the affair. I'd tell you to file for divorce and start protecting yourself and kids. He needs to see and believe you will not tolerate this and are done before he will start thinking about ending his affair.


I have consulted a lawyer and was told him and I can work out the child custody/visitation together. He also agreed to pay half of my house bills -- but the house is still 1/2 his, which is why he's been coming by to shower and see the kids after work (before I get there). I truly do not want to take it down the nasty divorce route and hoping he snaps out of this.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

Expose his cheating.

Expose it to your family.

Expose it to his family.

Expose it to his work.

Expose it to posOW's husband.

Put it on Facebook.


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## Spoons027 (Jun 19, 2017)

He seems to have already made up his mind. Please start protecting yourself and get your ducks in a row.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

goldie800 said:


> I have consulted a lawyer and was told him and I can work out the child custody/visitation together. He also agreed to pay half of my house bills -- but the house is still 1/2 his, which is why he's been coming by to shower and see the kids after work (before I get there). I truly do not want to take it down the nasty divorce route and hoping he snaps out of this.


You hope he "snaps out of this"??? He is CHEATING ON YOU, that isnt something you just snap out of then life goes on like before! It will happen again. Protect yourself and file for divorce. If you rugsweep this, it will come back to bite you in the ass for the rest of your marriage, because he will not stop.


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## KevinZX (Jul 1, 2017)

goldie800 said:


> I love and miss him so much and can't believe he is throwing his life away over some woman who isn't his wife.
> :crying:


Isn't this what they all do, phone, me, secrecy, me, weight loss, me, gym, me, me, me then throw everything in the wood chipper and never look back, even when it all goes pear shaped, they rarely admit they were wrong, Yes they are all the same, cheaters, narcissists, ego maniacs, legends in their own little world, but in reality all the same, cheaters who care not a jot for the loved one's left behind, no work put in on the marriage, just like buying a new phone when the old one shows some wear, but the difference is nothing except one number and a couple of racy photos are transferred to the new phone, old phone discarded, shocking waste, but this is the cheater, damned selfish, but will one day live to regret his/her actions, but they would rather die than admit it.
Get your pond babies all lined up, get help with your feelings, get help from those that love you, get help.

Love and Peace always

KevinZX


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If he comes home, then he can't have sex with his AP. 

File for divorce. Expose him to family & friends. Ask them for support. Take care of your children and yourself.


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