# Thinking of staying with my filthy husband



## lovelybc (Nov 27, 2014)

Ok we've been tog.for 9 yrs with 3 small children, our youngest is only 14mo.s. We were living abroad for a few yrs and just moved back here in the summer. The kids and I moved here first and he moved back here 3 mo.s later. I found out that he cheated on me while he was living there. Anyways, we've decided to work things out and while staying at my father's house. Eventually we had decided to stay in separate rooms at my father's for 3 months and had an agreement that we were separated. I've started dating in those 3 mo.s we were separated. 4 wks ago, we had decided to work things out n have a happy family. He was really hesitant at first and the 3 wks we were working things out, he kept telling me that he wasn't sure about us and he loves me but..
I was feeling hurt coz I've stopped dating bec.I've realized that I still love him very much and I told him that. He told me everyday that he really loves me too. Anyways, last wk I found out that he had another Facebook account and he was talking to women there and on top of that, he was showing them his pics of our children and me 'his hot wife' and flirting with them n talking about sex. Also, I just found out that he's been on a dating website trying to meet women. 2 days ago was supposed to be our Anniversary celebration and that morning he logged on to the site and messaged a bunch of women. Also, I found out that he has another email account. He also was emailing a very unattractive middle aged fat woman telling her that he really miss her right on our Anniversary. On top of that, he was trying to meet men for sex. Yes men! He was all over Craigslist with his face on it and messaging men there too. He admitted that he only did a man once and it was last wk. I'm so badly hurt coz I've been taking care of our children all the time with no break, no time for myself at all but he could actually meet men/women while pretending that he was so busy at work. Another thing also,he was sending them our children pics and my pics calling me 'his incredibly hot wife!' and that my twin sis is a model.I felt so used coz I am a really good wife n a mother to his children. I made sure he had lunch for work and I made him special food whenever he comes home from work eventhough it's a chaos taking care of 3 small children. I asked him many times for us to play but he kept on turning me down telling me that it was uncomfortable atm and that we had to be friends first. Oh and also he put an ad on CL looking for a very big woman. I was crying so hard when I found out right on our Anniversary about all these. He felt so bad and telling me that he was sorry and crying and now he wants me back. He said that he's not gay and he doesn't even like big women. He said that it was just more like a sex fantasy and pervertion coz he was feeling h. I am so disgusted and I can't look at him the same way again. I am staying at my mother's house for now. He found a place to rent by the water and forest and he wants to turn things around and be spiritual and focus on our family. He said that he realized now that he really loves me and he will treat me right. He wants me back. Part of me says I can't do this anymore coz it's just full of lies but another part of me wants him back coz I still love him very much and we have 3 children. I am not sure if I could really trust him. I am so hurt that he just used me as his trophy wife. I told him that I can't compete with men an big women. I am a very attractive person and he knows that I always get lots of attention from men n women but I told him that I am not his type. It just makes sense. He said that he finds me very sexy but he just wanted to end our marriage so badly that he let himself go and totally trash everything. He felt so miserable over the yrs but now he realized that he still loves me very much an he wants to start a new life tog.and have a happy family. I don't know if I couldd trust him. he said that he will shut down his email, fb account, change his phone no.,etc, anything to make me trust him. I just feel like I cant coz when I found out that he had another FB account just last wk before our Anniv., he was very sorry but the same day he was messaging men n women for sex. He said that at that time, he just wanted our marriage to be over. I still love him but I just don't know. Should I take him back because we have 3 children? Should I not trust him ever again? Will I be used again? Is he a sex addict? He said that he was looking for men and big women coz they were just easy and he had self esteem issues but he felt disgusted to himself. I don't know what to do. I feel really bad for our 3 little girls. He disrepected them too very bad. I am just very hurt.


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## firebelly1 (Jul 9, 2013)

Not sure why you are considering staying at this point. He is a cheater and will continue to be.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

This playlist is just too long for him to recover from. 
Too much deception.

Sounds almost like a sexual compulsive...or just a cheater.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

No. Kick him to the curb and see a therapist. And, get yourself tested for stds while you're at it. I don't know what you deserve, but no one deserves the likes of him.


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## 101Abn (Jan 15, 2014)

He cheated on you when you were in different countries.then he comes home and tries to hook up with women and men.Disrespect you on your anniversary.He wanted to get out of the marriage so desperately,so now you can help him.He will probably do this again when his "self esteem" is low.He sounds like a real beaut showing his kids pictures and yours to women he is trying to pick up.You should just dump him and move on.You sound like a caring woman and should have no problem finding someone who appreciates what you bring to a marriage.Sorry for your troubles and best of luck.


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## lovelybc (Nov 27, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> No. Kick him to the curb and see a therapist. And, get yourself tested for stds while you're at it. I don't know what you deserve, but no one deserves the likes of him.


I don't have to get tested as I haven't slept with my husband for about a yr now I believe.


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## lovelybc (Nov 27, 2014)

I just talked to him just now and he said that he just wants to turn everything around an be happy. He admitted that he only slept with 1 man and 1 woman and he really felt a shame about it.
He keeps on begging me to take him back and he wants to prove to me that he really loves me. He said that he feels like a changed man and that was just a phase because he really wanted to ruin our marriage like he was just totally one with everything. But now he realized that he actually loves me very much. I feel really bad for our children that their father did this to us.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

If you take him back you know what you're getting, so find a way to live with it.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

lovelybc said:


> He found a place to rent by the water and forest and he wants to turn things around and be spiritual and focus on our family.


By the forest?!

If you move there you'll have to worry about bears.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

lovelybc said:


> I don't know what to do. I feel really bad for our 3 little girls.


Yes, you do. You just don't want to do it.

If he stays, he will teach your 3 little girls, as they get older, that women are to be disrespected, treated like sex objects, walked all over, cheated on, and second-class citizens.

Do THEM a favor and kick his sick butt out.

As for his 'promises'? Tell him you are giving him six months on his own to PROVE to you that he won't contact a single other person. If he can make it that long and focus only on his family, you will then consider dating him again.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

lenzi said:


> By the forest?!
> 
> If you move there you'll have to worry about bears.


Not to mention lying, cheating husbands giving you the biggest snowjob of your life...:rofl:


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

turnera said:


> Yes, you do. You just don't want to do it.
> 
> If he stays, he will teach your 3 little girls, as they get older, that women are to be disrespected, treated like sex objects, walked all over, cheated on, and second-class citizens.
> 
> Do THEM a favor and kick his sick butt out.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:

What a disgusting man. Do you seriously think that you cant get anyone better than THIS? Being ALONE is better than this, and isnt showing your daughters a gross example of a relationship.


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## kindnessrules (Sep 5, 2014)

Oh, Hon, you have really been through it, haven't you. And on your anniversary! I can't imagine. Three little children and 9 years of your life.

Only you can make the decision to stay or leave. Ending a marriage is very daunting because it involves uprooting your entire life and getting out there again on your own, and there are considerations of children and finances. Some people can't face that and would do anything to make a way to stay.

Would you consider therapy, or a support group for partners in your situation, like S-Anon (family members of Sex Addicts)? Try to find a face-to-face group, not online. There's something about being around other people that is very comforting and bonding and will give you strength.

I'm wondering if you have considered a temporary separation, just to bring him to his senses and let him feel a little pain. The way things are now, he is not feeling any pain. He has his life intact: wife, kids, etc. He is an addict. Addicts need drastic measures. 

I don't think you should let him sweet talk you into trying again and just forget the hurt he has caused you. He has not proved he is trustworthy. He has done nothing whatsoever to resolve his problems with sex addiction. He and possibly you might be in denial. This is a big problem that may not improve without serious help. 

People who marry people like him typically have self esteem issues. Even if you do leave him, you might potentially find someone like him again. It might be a good idea to avoid relationships for a time until you can get some serious help. You DO NOT need a man. You need a strong relationship with yourself, confidence, courage, support.

Please consider getting checked out, although you said you haven't slept with him in a year. How can you be sure there weren't other partners prior?

Good luck. Hope things are better in the New Year and that your situation improves.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

kindnessrules said:


> Oh, Hon, you have really been through it, haven't you. And on your anniversary! I can't imagine. Three little children and 9 years of your life.
> 
> Only you can make the decision to stay or leave. Ending a marriage is very daunting because it involves uprooting your entire life and getting out there again on your own, and there are considerations of children and finances. Some people can't face that and would do anything to make a way to stay.
> 
> ...


He's not an addict, he's an a$$hole, and she needs to boot him to the curb, asap.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Hmmm by the water you say? Is the place kinda rustic and airy?


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

Catherine602 said:


> Hmmm by the water you say? Is the place kinda rustic and airy?


That's what I was thinking.

Especially after reading about the part about him "doing a man last week".


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## lovesmanis (Oct 9, 2014)

Run. If he can be intimate with a man then he is conflicted sexually and he will cheat on you.
He says he loves you, and he may, but just as friends.


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## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

lovelybc said:


> Ifound out that he cheated on me while he was living there.
> 
> Anyways, we've decided to work things out and while staying at my father's house. Eventually we had decided to stay in separate rooms at my father's for 3 months and had an agreement that we were separated. I've started dating in those 3 mo.s we were separated. 4 wks ago, we had decided to work things out n have a happy family.
> 
> I was feeling hurt coz I've stopped dating bec.I've realized that I still love him very much and I told him that. He told me everyday that he really loves me to.


Let me see if I have this correct. For three whole months WHILE you were living at your DAD'S, you decide to take a marital break and DATE other men.

Living with your father. And husband. With three small kids...


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

Why would you move with him????

I think that would be really stupid, he slept with not only other women but a men. The only thing I would consider is divorce.:scratchhead:


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