# Wife has feelings for ex-boyfriend



## Awake1974 (Jul 8, 2012)

Hello, this is my first post and I feel I'm running out of places to turn. I've been married for 15 years. Although my marriage wasn't always on cloud 9, I felt we had a strong enough relationship to where it would last forever. Well, the rug has been pulled out from under me. A month and a half ago I got word that my wife has been conversing with her ex-boyfriend, first through Facebook, then email, then through cell phone calls and texting. I don't want to be long winded here, but to make a long story short, she has informed me that she has feelings for this person and is wanting a divorce from me, at the same time, she wants to keep the kids. I don't think that's fair because I'm not the one who wants the divorce and I feel I should keep the kids. My wife was working out of town and staying at her sister's apartment while her sister was out of town. I discovered some texts between my wife and her sister that this ex-boyfriend was over at the apartment "playing house". I confronted my wife about it and she swore nothing happened. I don't believe her, especially since they were drinking alcohol. I go so upset that I kicked her out of the house with all her clothes. She's been back to see the kids, but that's about it. I'm torn about wanting her back. She hasn't indicated to me that she wants to save the marriage, but if she did, I wouldn't be sure what to do. I'm so mad at her and at the same time, I love her. 

What I really want to know is how successful are relationships that my wife wants to have with her ex-boyfriend. Do those relationships last? They're not built on a solid foundation because they started when she is married to me. I'm so lost and confused. I wish time would speed up so I wouldn't feel so lost and alone.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

She's having an affair. The first steps you need to follow all involve killing the affair.
1. Find out all you can about the OM. Then expose him cheating with your wife to his gf or wife. He likely has one since they used her sisters place to pay house.
2. Exposé her cheating to all friends and family. Include the fact that her sister is enabling and supporting the affair.
3. Cut off all access to money she is getting from you. Including all joint credit cards.

Don't believe a thing she says right now. Her only loyalty is to the affair and doing what ever it takes to continue it.

She likely fears the ex being exposed to his wife/gf big time, so do that as fast as you can.

Do not warn her that you are exposing. Do not waste time confronting the OM. He knows she's married and doesn't care.
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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also you should move your thread over tothe coping with infidelity section, you'll get the help you need there
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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Pretty much what Shaggy said. Also realize that you cannot force someone to reconcile. You can create the circumstances, but the decision to reconcile has to come from them.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

You did right kicking her out. Do all the things the prior posters said. Expose her cheating to family and friends. Move all your money into new accounts and cancel all yor joint credit cars NOW!

Change th locks on the house and then go see a lawyer this week and file for divorce. Have her served at work. File for sole custody of the kids on grounds of abandonment. Get mean and go for everything a judge will give you. Grab all the power you can and then later, after she remembers why she broke up with her ex and breaks up with him again, you can be benevolent and allow her to see the kids more often. 

Use your anger in a smart way. Get lawyered up.
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## MyselfAgain (Apr 21, 2012)

And to answer your question, the chance is slim to none that it will work out for them in the long run. But that isn't the issue...the betrayal is. These folks know what they're talking about...I would definitely follow their advice! Also look for posts by Nsweet...he will be a great help.
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