# Remember or forget?



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Curious, if you have had an experience with a man who did not love you, tried to love you, but never did, yet treated you well until the end, would you like to remember the experience, or would you prefer that the experience never happened? 

Also, for those with the experience, what if that man would or could not love you, but was honest about it, yet you loved him, and he let you go, what would your responses be like; i.e. remember or forget?

Finally, regardless of what you would like, which do you think would be best for you?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

No reply? 

Ok... maybe I'll elaborate a little, ex-GF around six months ago said she would remember me, always. We went our separate ways, I'm trying to figure out whether to believe her, and whether I was a positive or negative influence in her life. We decided to become friends yes, but slowly I grew more distant, now we don't talk much anymore, which is for the best. So I can't get my closure from her.

I still need this question answered however, before I take the next steps in my life.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Neither. It faded away and became the nothing it was. To the best of my ability to remember.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

Why would someone want to remember loving someone who doesn't love them back? Seems pretty painful to me.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

NobodySpecial said:


> Neither. It faded away and became the nothing it was. To the best of my ability to remember.


Do you regret it?



Ms. GP said:


> Why would someone want to remember loving someone who doesn't love them back? Seems pretty painful to me.


That's something I also fail to understand.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Do you regret it?


Regret what? Forgetting? No. Loving someone who did not love me back? No. In the big scheme of life, that was a blip. 



> That's something I also fail to understand.


Love that is not returned is not interesting, useful or compelling in the long run.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

I think everyone has experienced rejection like that at least once in their lifetime. Best thing to do is move on with your life, which is what it sounds like she's doing.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Do you regret the experience?

Do you feel it's a negative experience overall?

I guess though if it fades naturally, it doesn't really matter positive or negative correct? Life goes on, no right or wrong.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Do you regret the experience?
> 
> Do you feel it's a negative experience overall?
> 
> I guess though if it fades naturally, it doesn't really matter positive or negative correct? Life goes on, no right or wrong.


I don't have negative experiences that I survive. I learn from them. That universally makes them positive experiences. Since I am still alive, I guess I am lucky to have had a lot of positive experiences! But really, my most significant learning experiences remain in my memory. Unrequited love is a blip, barely remembered. Maybe now that I have a comparison of someone who Really Loves Me for ME, I can cheerful skip on without sweating it. But I don't remember being super busted up over it for very long then either.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

NobodySpecial said:


> I don't have negative experiences that I survive. I learn from them. That universally makes them positive experiences. Since I am still alive, I guess I am lucky to have had a lot of positive experiences! But really, my most significant learning experiences remain in my memory. Unrequited love is a blip, barely remembered. Maybe now that I have a comparison of someone who Really Loves Me for ME, I can cheerful skip on without sweating it. But I don't remember being super busted up over it for very long then either.




Thank you, that's a good answer to my question. I believe I can get past my roadblock now.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Ms. GP said:


> I think everyone has experienced rejection like that at least once in their lifetime. Best thing to do is move on with your life, which is what it sounds like she's doing.


I think the word rejection is a misnomer. When the person I am thinking of did not return love for me, it did not reflect on any negative quality in me. Whatever thingy that sparks early love just was not there FOR HIM. I respected his ability and right to make the best decisions for him. The word "rejection" is akin to "friend zoned" like that is some kind of curse. Well great Says I! We can still be friends. I love (differently) and cherish my friends. The unique person he is is still in my life (to this day) though I only vaguely remember the fiery feelings I had for him.

I have been on this other side of this scenario. Never was my lack of reciprocation a rejection. That feeling just was not there for those men. As far as I am concerned, I did every one of them a solid by allowing them to find someone whose world they rocked. If it blistered their self esteem for any significant period, that is on them.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Thank you, that's a good answer to my question. I believe I can get past my roadblock now.


I hope that is a genuine smiley and that I did not offend or hurt?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

NobodySpecial said:


> I hope that is a genuine smiley and that I did not offend or hurt?


It is, and no you did not offend or hurt, you encouraged


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Curious, if you have had an experience with a man who did not love you, tried to love you, but never did, yet treated you well until the end, would you like to remember the experience, or would you prefer that the experience never happened?


WTF?

Did this ******* give full disclosure on the first date?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

:scratchhead: ?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

If not-

Oh yeeeeessss-
We were all so happy to be duped and then sat around to decide what?

Oh!


You sneaky ASPD-

You are trying to figure out how good you made them feel bad.
On a scale of 1-10?

Like this!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

I don't understand what you are getting at, but I made this thread to answer a question, a question that made me hesitant about getting back in the game.

However, based on the responses, they'll live. So I see no reason to hold back and play my game. Green light.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> :scratchhead: ?


You are smarter than the kitty emoji.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

sandcastle said:


> You are smarter than the kitty emoji.


I am, but don't presume to understand my intentions


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> I don't understand what you are getting at, but I made this thread to answer a question, a question that made me hesitant about getting back in the game.
> 
> However, based on the responses, they'll live. So I see no reason to hold back and play my game. Green light.


Getting at?

You are all over TAM asking why this, how that, can't have this, can have that, motivation there here there and everywhere.

You are a self-professed sociopath.

To what degree-?UpTown has no clue 


But you admit you have almost not a smidge of attachment. Even though you profess to love your daughter.

Which if you did have those feelings towards your daughter - then you MAY be on the lower spectrum of Sociopath.

I'm not judging- you are who you -but would counsel all of your


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

And... your point?


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> And... your point?


You cannot ask normies opinions about something they know nothing about.

Sign up for Sugar Daddy and take a few years to figure out that arrangement does not fill the void.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

sandcastle said:


> You cannot ask normies opinions about something they know nothing about.
> 
> Sign up for Sugar Daddy and take a few years to figure out that arrangement does not fill the void.


Because you have a deep and very black void.

Kudos to you( sincerely) for trying to figure out why almost nothing feels right.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Dumped by someone who never loved them, they get over it. I see no reason to dwell on it, or underestimate their resilience. And if they aren't resilient, the experience will make them more. They'll live.

As always, it will be ultimately their choice to stick with me despite what I am. I no longer see a discrepancy between that and my code. Logically, why should I?

Besides, despite all the collateral damage that I now will no doubt inflict in my search for the diamond among diamonds, I am open to the experience of this 'love' if it happens. If not, at least I can say that I have tried.



sandcastle said:


> Because you have a deep and very black void.
> 
> Kudos to you( sincerely) for trying to figure out why almost nothing feels right.


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## sandcastle (Sep 5, 2014)

RandomDude said:


> Dumped by someone who never loved them, they get over it. I see no reason to dwell on it, or underestimate their resilience. And if they aren't resilient, the experience will make them more. They'll live.
> 
> As always, it will be ultimately their choice to stick with me despite what I am. I no longer see a discrepancy between that and my code. Logically, why should I?
> 
> Besides, despite all the collateral damage that I now will no doubt inflict in my search for the diamond among diamonds, I am open to the experience of this 'love' if it happens. If not, at least I can say that I have tried.


The victims of your ilk- 
Always get over it sooner or later.

You are not the heartbreaker on Outlander.
you trying to figure out what?

10 babes and I can crush 9 of them.

You do not care about the CD other than getting caught-

This is getting creepy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Remember the good times, take the positives, and learn from your mistakes. 
People always say things like 'I will always remember you' when they end a relationship, it doesn't mean much, its their way of trying to soften the blow.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

sandcastle said:


> The victims of your ilk-
> Always get over it sooner or later.
> 
> You are not the heartbreaker on Outlander.
> ...


I crush no one as they make their own choices. It's time I respect their decisions.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Please remember that the wanton act of Infidelity itself, is also a dire, hurtful form of rejection!

One that I absolutely wouldn’t wish on my worst adversary!

As far as remembering or forgetting a relationship where you were not loved, only remember enough about it to never allow it to happen to you again!*


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## 2become1 (Dec 26, 2017)

I think it's something that you will still remember always. You may not be happy with it but you will never forget it.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> And... your point?


Wait. I confess I have not followed your posting history. You are a self proclaimed sociopath with no ability to attach? What, then, exactly hurts you about not having feelings reciprocated? And what feelings did you have?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

NobodySpecial said:


> What, then, exactly hurts you about not having feelings reciprocated? And what feelings did you have?


It's not about me, it's about my exs and future exs. I asked this question to determine the effect of the legacy I left behind and will continue to leave behind if I get back in the game.

Regardless I'm satisfied with the answers, I see no reason to bother myself about it anymore. In the end, I seem to have underestimated the resilience in others.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> It's not about me, it's about my exs and future exs. I asked this question to determine the effect of the legacy I left behind and will continue to leave behind if I get back in the game.
> 
> Regardless I'm satisfied with the answers, I see no reason to bother myself about it anymore. In the end, I seem to have underestimated the resilience in others.


Woa. Legacy? Next advice. Get a realistic self evaluation Iron Man.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Legacy, string of broken hearts, how else to describe it?

I simply wish to understand the damage I cause and if I can mitigate it while still getting what I want. Is that so wrong?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Legacy, string of broken hearts, how else to describe it?
> 
> I simply wish to understand the damage I cause and if I can mitigate it while still getting what I want. Is that so wrong?


Ask the PERSON in question. Anyway. What do you want? Don't play. Be straight. If you are playing a love game, and love is not what you want, don't do it. Sociopath or not, do you have a basic understanding of morality? Feelings?


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

NobodySpecial said:


> Ask the PERSON in question. Anyway. What do you want? Don't play. Be straight. If you are playing a love game, and love is not what you want, don't do it. Sociopath or not, do you have a basic understanding of morality? Feelings?


I was diagnosed with ASPD years ago and at best I would consider myself mostly 'cured' and at worst I would consider myself high-functioning. I have a moral system, mostly law-abiding and feelings even though sometimes it works differently to others. Wasn't going to bring it up because it is irrelevant to this thread though others seem to disagree.

With ex-GF, she said she will always remember our time together and thinks of it fondly. Some others used similar words, a part of me doesn't believe women when they say it. We have limited contact these days. We have been in touch recently for christmas, but I'd rather steer away from any conversation that involves 'us'. She seems happy enough, and I want to know the chances of that being truth. Based on the responses on this thread, it's very likely she's fine.

I never lied to her, I just have my ways of continuing a relationship even though a woman professes her love for me and I can't return it. Ultimately it's their choice to stay or not. I don't lie when I say I want to know what love is. Ex-GF and I reached a point where she had many reasons to leave the country and only one could make her stay - obviously I had to let her go at that point as I couldn't love her. Regardless of all that, if I am to believe what she told me, and what has been revealed on this thread, I see no logical reason to stop doing what I've been doing post-divorce. I may disappoint people in the end, but if I can make it at least a pleasant short term experience - why not?


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