# How to confront someone



## fireguy001 (Jan 23, 2011)

Hello all. Well I have a question that some of you may have been through before. I know that my wife has been talking to another man. She is always trying to hide her phone when she is texting and she's very reluctant to let me do anything with her phone. The couple of times I have caught a glance, she has been texting this guy. I have asked her a couple of times and get the same response, "there's no one else sweetie." She has been trying to get me to read relationship books to strengthen our marriage and we even attended an out-of-town seminar on marriage. 

I did something I know is wrong but I felt that I had to. I looked at her phone without her knowing. Sure enough, she has been texting this guy day and night. Talking about how each others' kisses are the sweetest, holding each other, etc. he even called her princess. I have tried to keep my cool and have done a decent job. My question is, how do I confront her about this. If I don't tell her I went through her phone, she'll deny it. If I do, she'll scream invasion of privacy and everything. 

I just don't know how to go about this. Thanks
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

there is no invasion of privacy. Remeber the vows you guys took"the two should become one"


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

gather hard evidence that is black and white and with confidence ask her to leave and you will no longer share your wife.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One more thing be prepared to be told that it was all a joke and a mistake.

Also do some research on OM if he is marries or has a GF the before you confront wife expose the evidence to the OM (other man) wife or GF then confron your WW (wayward wife).


Stay strong you are not alone. I was in the sh!t 2-1/2 years ago and my confidence in let my ww go paid of. There was no begging or pleading. I never let her blame me.

Thats another thing expect the blameshifting. When it happens tell her that even if I was controlling and neglegtful it s is not my fault on who she handled an unhealthy marriage.

She had two choices leave and divorce you or decieve you and find a band aid for her unhappyness. She CHOOSE the later and thats all on her.

Most likely you will get alot of blameshifting, gaslighting and rewritting of the marriage history. 

Alot of term you need to know, so before you confront know the script....trust me I've been here long enought to tell you there is a cheaters script and she will use it to a "T".

So I suggest you educate your self do the research that will have the most effective confrontation possible. It will take a week but the patience will pay off in the long run.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Yeah, I wouldn't confront her about anything yet. She'll blow you off. Go stealth and get more evidence. Look at her browser history, emails, bank statements, credit cards statements, whatever you can get your hands on. She'll tell you he's 'just a friend' if you confront with what you have now. Put a VAR in her car, a keylogger on her computer, see if you can recover deleted phone texts.

Have a look at the Coping with Infidelity forum. TONS of great info over there. Many people also have great links in the signature lines, stuff BS's need to know. Because that's what you are - a Betrayed Spouse.

And here's a great book

Dr. Shirley Glass - About the Book - NOT "Just Friends"


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

One last thing, exposure to select groupe of her family will also be helpful.

So make a plan and work the plan, cuz confronting is so impotant;

*undenialable evidence
*expose to OMW/GF
*exposure to her family
*confronting with confidence and no crying or begging
* no contact letter to OM
* strength to let her go if it continues
*never reveal your sources so you can still confirm her commitment (if one is made)

If she makes no commitment and wants to continue, make the affair as inconvienent and as uncomfortable as possible. By cutting her off more exposeure to friends, moving her to a spare room or couch, and showing her the indifference and tough love that represents the consequences for her continued behavior.

YOU CAN'T NICE YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS IF SHE CHOOSE OM!


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Your wife has been going through some issues for a while and its all coming to a head do to her not getting the help she needs.

You are still young and from the sound of the text it has gone to a PA, it might be time to move on if she refuses the help she desperetly needs.

But first confront this affair and then I strongly suggest that you make damb sure that she gets help if she wants to keep her marriage.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Maybe I'm assuming and she did get help for the loss of her mother, but the disorder you mentioned in one of your older post still has a big part in what she is doing and what you need to do.


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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

the guy said:


> YOU CAN'T NICE YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS IF SHE CHOOSE OM!


Great advice. Its not your job to be nice.

I will add, stay cool. Do your recon and evidence gathering.








_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## synthetic (Jan 5, 2012)

Based on the texts you have read (and you did nothing wrong reading them), I can tell you that you should plan to divorce your wife. 

She will go to great lengths to justify her behavior. She might even give you a half-ass apology or whatever. The truth is, she betrayed you and there's a very very good chance you won't be able to trust her ever again.

If you think confrontation is going to be the end of this, you're mistaken. Confrontation is the start of a painful and long journey in which you will slowly realize the pain of betrayal, while your wife will selfishly try to hide/minimize her disrespectful actions as much as she can. Most cheaters are not even worth the time and energy put into gathering evidence. They mostly end up shifting all the blame and driving the betrayed spouse insane.

Good luck. Don't blame yourself for any of your wife's actions. It's so tempting to wonder what would've happened if you did this or didn't do that... It's all irrelevant at this point. She cheated. She needs to get the f*** out of your life and somehow find her way back into your trusted domain (she's out now). 

Let us know how things go.


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

Good thing to come here and seek advice before you act. They are right, gather evidence, copy the communications if you can. Look at emails, phone records and certainly find out if the other guy is married, theor spouse needs to know when this all comes out.

Do not feel bad for snooping. You need to know what is going on in your marriage and she is not trustworthy.

Sorry this is happening and I wish you well!


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