# is she just trying to rid of me?



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

I suppose whatever happens at this point is my own fault because i should know better. Bit anyway....I've given her multiple chances to come clean.....i can work thru the cheating if she's .at least honest about it. Probably doesn't make any sense but more than anything i hate being lied to. 

So i tell her yesterday "you sure you've told me everything?"

"Of course my love i have no reason to lie. When i told you about the five guys i thought we were thru so why would i lie?" 

Instant red flag. I have learned that when she tries to explain her reasoning like that she is full of poop. So i bluff. I tell her that there is a way i can hack her cellphone to get everx last bit of data its sent or received. But its a pain to do so why don't you just tell ya what I would find?

Oh, well in that case, she sent a few pics to a guy this summer...nothing nude but some cleavage shots...

I can't help but think this is her way of saying "im sick of you and want you to leave!" Like just trying to drive me crazy on purpose.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Five guys and you want to work it out?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

You have multiple threads where you should have one. Its impossible to subscribe to your thread and keep up with you. You will get very little help this way.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Reading your first post, I hope you see why men seem to be posessive of their mates. You have given her free reign and now you don't understand what happened. Have you read Married Man Sex Life? Well, thats a rhetorical question. LOL


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Oh sorry for the multiple threads most message boards frown upon rezzing older threads. Sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

What is your breaking point ? What can she do so that you can finally say "I've had enough"


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> Oh sorry for the multiple threads most message boards frown upon rezzing older threads. Sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe if it is a year or several months old old thread.. or if they are of different topics.. Keep your CWI posts in one thread


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

How old are you guys and do you have kids ?


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> What is your breaking point ? What can she do so that you can finally say "I've had enough"




For some people there wont be a breaking point. See she had already five guys. He is still asking us whether it is to get rid off him.

Jadiel I can assure you one thing she dont want to get rid off you, No women in this world want to get rid off this much forgiving husband. But she dont want you as a person to love but as a provider, a back up plan, and a doormat. Now the question is do you wanted to be like that?


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

warlock07 said:


> How old are you guys and do you have kids ?



warlock, I dont know their age but i guess 16 or 17.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

He has a stepson and a 4 yr old daughter.

Have you read all the info in the newbies thread?

Here is something that may help

* In a world where a marriage is as likely to end as not, we sometimes forget what a partnership is in the early days after discovery of infidelity. We lose ourselves in the desperation to hold onto your loved one. Remembering your rights will help you no matter which path your marriage takes.

1- You have a right to the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. By having an affair, your spouse has closed off the relationship with you and opened one with the OP (other person). You have a right to insist this is reversed for your healing and to assure that loyalties have been realigned.

2- You have the right to trust- but verify. Trust has been broken, ‘snooping’ is not snooping. It is verifying that someone proven to be a liar, sneak and cheat has changed their ways. Like an addict, a WS(wayward spouse) will often go back to their emotional fix. You have a right to verify this is not happening.

3- You have the right to insist there are only two people in the marriage. That choice was made when you made vows to each other. Even a moment with a third person is too much. You owe your WS no time to ‘think about it’. There’s a marriage or there’s none.

4- You have a right to know who the OP is, the flip of this is you do not have a right to harm or harass this person. Hold yourself to a better standard than the OP did.

5- You have the right to choose to give the gift of reconciliation or to divorce. You have the right to take some time to make that choice. If you one day realize you cannot live with the truth of what has been done, you have the right to walk away.

6- You have the right to insist your WS gets STD testing done and to see the results. Even if the WS claims it has not gotten physical, as many WSs will admit to “only a kiss” when it has gone much further.

7- You have the right to insist that your WS initiates and honors NC (no contact) immediately. You have a right to have input and to be a witness to how NC is established.

8- You have a right to set and enforce boundaries. This is not blackmail or any of the other negative words your WS might use. This you protecting yourself.

9- You have a right to hold onto evidence for as long as you need it to feel safe. Your WS has created an atmosphere of risk and danger. It is natural to have a safety net to counteract what has been brought into your marriage.

10- You have a right to know who your WS’s friends are and the nature of their interactions. If it is kept a secret, it is not healthy for the marriage and therefore something is amiss.

11- You have the right to out the affair to anyone you deem will help you and/or your marriage. This is not your secret to keep, this is not your shame to hold. You owe no protection to those that failed to protect you.

12- You have a right to heal on your timeline. As long as you are making steady progress, you are healing. It is a slow process and a WS that says things along the lines of, “You’ll never get over this!” does not have a full grasp of the damage betrayal causes. This is a healing process that takes from 18 months to five years.

13- You have a right to yell, cry, fall apart and otherwise handle this in any way that relieves some of the devastating pain, shock and loss of trust. Your world has been turned on its end. You do not have the right to physically, verbally or otherwise abuse your spouse.

14- You have the right to insist on a true marriage. A marriage of partners, where you love, honor and protect each other. If you feel your marriage is missing one of these components, either fixing it or leaving are your only two options. You don’t have the right to cheat and/or turn someone else into a betrayed spouse.

15- You have a right to love yourself. Often the betrayed have forgotten themselves as an individual. This is the optimum time to remind yourself that you are unique and lovable in your own right. That as much as you might love your spouse, you should love yourself enough to refuse any sort of mistreatment. *


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Is your wife still going out by herself? Are you still playing WOW?


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Ok so answers...im 32, she's 27. Two kids, eight yer old stepson and four year old daughter. Been married four years, together for five. Known each other about ten years.

Breaking point? I think I've reached it. I realized that she will never tell me everything, which is what i needed. 

The truth is i married a notoriously promiscuous woman and then let her off her leash. But all i really wanted wad honesty and she will never give me that. She only admits what she needs to. She admitted sending someone a risque picture after i told her i could hack her phone. 

I also remembered a text she recently sent to her best friend. The said "i told Jon about tony, sean, Stephen, rich and Scott." Maybe im over thinking it but she should have said "i told Jon everything". The way she worded it sounds like there was some unspoken part about "...but i ddint tell him about tommy, tommy and Joe yet." 

Looking at the big picture, she hasn't done anything i asked her to do. On d-day when i first discovered the dirty texts with a co worker i told her it was his last day. She said she couldnt fire him for no reason. Bull. We live in Maine. At will employment and I've even fired enough to know you can fire someone for any reason u want. 

Then i asked for the whole truth, she and admitted to sleeping with one guy. I asked her to delete any APs off her friends list, she got rid of two guys...left the rest. I told her to get counseling, she insists she has no problem. I asked her to take a hard look at some her closest friends and think about if they might be bad influences on her, she refuses to even think about it. One of her friends is currently cheating on her bf with one of my wife's AP. They were talking about him a lot and she even sent my wife a picture of his d!ck!!! But apparently that has stopped if my checking of her phone is accurate. 

No one is going out anymore. Im not playing any games as our computer died. We're getting another one for xmas but im not going to play nearly as much as i was. more for entertainment than a lifestyle. 

So now we're up to....making out with one guy, sex with four...threesome with the original dirty text co-worker and his wife. As far as i know none of these were full blown affairs, just one night stands. But im quite sure she hadn't told me all of it yet, and i can get past the cheating but not the lying. 

At this point im just trying to get thru the holidays. In the spring her mother is going to stay with us for a while. Its also tax season. So I'll have some startup cash to find a place to live and a job...shell have help with the kids until i get stabilized. 

Unless something majorly changes , like i stop giving a crap or she changes her lying, cheating ways, that's the plan. I haven't told her is yet, but part of me feels it'd be a fitting punishment for her to just wake up one day and find me gone. Let her stew on it for a few days.

My only regret is leaving the kids. A weekend dad just can't habe the same influence as a full time dad...i might save myself but im condemning these kids, especially my little girl, to grow up just like their mother.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Jadiel,

There are new posts from betrayed spouses on TAM everyday. Many of them are looking for answers on whether to proceed with R or divorce. This is the typical category of new posters.

There is also another category. Those betrayed spouses who have let themselves be absolute doormats. In those cases, most of us feel obligated to provide the following advice:

Wake up! 

Respect yourself!

Divorce her. The sooner the better.

There is no chance that you can reconcile with a woman like this. 

It is just that obvious.


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## cabin fever (Feb 9, 2012)

She banged at least 5 different guys. 

she had a threesome. 


Why in the name of Zeus's butthole would you even think about anything other then kicking her out on her loose azz!


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## A++ (May 21, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> So now we're up to....*making out* with one guy, *sex with four*...*threesome *with the original dirty text co-worker and his wife. As far as i know none of these were full blown affairs, just one night stands. But im quite sure she hadn't told me all of it yet,


I think this is enough for a man to develop incurable sickness.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> I suppose whatever happens at this point is my own fault because i should know better. Bit anyway....I've given her multiple chances to come clean.....i can work thru the cheating if she's .at least honest about it. Probably doesn't make any sense but more than anything i hate being lied to.
> 
> So i tell her yesterday "you sure you've told me everything?"
> 
> "Of course my love i have no reason to lie. When i told you about the five guys...............


{INSERT RECORD PLAYING SCRATCHING TO A STOP}

*ERRR WHAT?!?!*

Seriously. 1 is a mistake, 2 shows selfishness, 5...WTF?!?! SHE AVERAGED MORE THAN 1 GUY a year...WHILE MARRIED?!?!

Dude, find yourself a hot gamer chick who's loyal and loving and have a wonderful life together. (PS yes they exist)


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Tell me about it...sucks all around. We j
had almost a storybook romance...and it was all a lie. I wasted five year of my life on this woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

I realize how it happened..... i know it sucks i got sucked into wow and she was lonely. She wanted more time with me, mire affection, more sex....but she could've just told me that!!!!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> So now we're up to....making out with one guy, sex with four...threesome with the original dirty text co-worker and his wife. As far as i know none of these were full blown affairs, just one night stands. But im quite sure she hadn't told me all of it yet, and i can get past the cheating but not the lying.
> 
> At this point im just trying to get thru the holidays. In the spring her mother is going to stay with us for a while. Its also tax season. So I'll have some startup cash to find a place to live and a job...shell have help with the kids until i get stabilized.
> 
> ...


MY opinion...one night stands (multiple) are WORSE that emotionally charged affairs (for a wayward woman) because many times emotionally charged affairs result from the woman FEELING that she's not getting something at home. It doesn't mean it's right, but at least there shows there can be a solution if the pair TRULY want to fix it and R. Multiple ONS....your wifes a H0! She gets driven more times that route 66. She's looser than a 7 year olds teeth. She just has ZERO respect for you and the marriage...NONE!! ACTIVELY DECIDING to have none.

PS Grow a pair. Stop being weak. KICK HER BUTT OUT TODAY!!

"what about christmas"..."go hang out with one of your boy toys". "what about the kids" "were you thinking of them during your three, four, whatever-some?"

KICK HER OUT!!!


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> I realize how it happened..... i know it sucks i got sucked into wow and she was lonely. She wanted more time with me, mire affection, more sex....but she could've just told me that!!!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


EXACTLY AND SHE DIDN'T. 

Stop blaming WOW for your wife making Heidi Fleiss look like an amatuer. She obviously had issues before WOW if she jumped in with both feet like this (amongst other body parts).

She sucked you in, got her hooks in you so she has a stable family life. And now, she gets to go out and bang whoever she wants and come home to her family. 

Did you neglect your wife...yes. You know what most wives would do. Get mad at you and complain. Wonder why you don't love them any more...and complain. ETC. ETC.

THEY WOULDN'T end up with skid marks in their va-j-j


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

For future health considerations for your d you may want to DNA test her and for your peace of mind.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

I would kick her out before christmas also.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Well its kind of her house..complicated but that's just how it is....as for dna....damm i don't even want to know. She's my little girl!!!!!!!!!! Id rather assume she is than know she's not.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Well its kind of her house..complicated but that's just how it is....as for dna....damm i don't even want to know. She's my little girl!!!!!!!!!! Id rather assume she is than know she's not.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And you can be her dad, but know because of health issues.

It's her house on paper. You're married :smthumbup: It's your house to.

Kicking her out isn't about assuming control of the house. It's about assuming control of your nuts and marriage.


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Actually its her mothers house on paper...her mother loves me cuz im the only guy that's ever treated her good. But if it came down to me or her daughter...im out on my ass. 

Hence why im waiting for tax season.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> Actually its her mothers house on paper...her mother loves me cuz im the only guy that's ever treated her good. But if it came down to me or her daughter...im out on my ass.
> 
> Hence why im waiting for tax season.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Fair enough. Have you exposed to your mil? If you get along with her and she respects you have a face to face with her and tell her everything you know, you have nothing to lose.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You should be exposing the BFF that is cheating on her bf.

The fact that your wife's BFF is a cheater is bad enough but she's cheating with your wife's OM is nasty.

Your wife has truly been around, and may still be getting around.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> I realize how it happened..... i know it sucks i got sucked into wow and she was lonely. She wanted more time with me, mire affection, more sex....but she could've just told me that!!!!!!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


In your next relationship, never stop dating and romancing your SO. Also, read MMSLP as fast as you can. In a woman's way she probably did tell you. The problem is, when a woman speaks, we miss most of what she doesn't say.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

FYI, the guy's wife was worse than this and they have reconciled. "the guy" has the utmost respect around here too, especially mine.

I think this is his original story:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/15830-guy-cheating-wife.html


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

That was actually a pretty inspiring story....very similar to mine in a lot of ways. Actually gives me hope.....if she'd just stop lying to me. More than anything i want her to tell me the truth......i doubt I'll ever get it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

cabin fever said:


> She banged at least 5 different guys.
> 
> she had a threesome.
> 
> ...


I was thinking the same thing but apparently some BHs keep bending over for more.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Broken at 20 (Sep 25, 2012)

Dude...WTF? 
I mean, seriously, is the sex she gives you that good? Or do you honestly think it is better for your kids to grow up in an environment where they see infidelity in their own house? 
They'll grow up and think "Gee, mommy cheated, and daddy did nothing. Therefore, I can cheat, and my spouse will do nothing." 

I am coming from a broken home. 
But guess what, I look at it as a learning experience. (this site is also very helpful to that end)
I am feeling the pain of adultry right now. Now I know, what to look for, what is unhealthy, but I also know, there HAS to be consequences. Otherwise, we get SOB stories like yours. 


I just...don't understand you. 
You should've had the stance of:
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me. 
Fool me three times, you're going to get curb stomped by me!

But because you didn't, now you find yourself in your current prediciment.


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## VFW (Oct 24, 2012)

Quote: The truth is i married a notoriously promiscuous woman and then let her off her leash.

Why are you surprised at her behavior? She has always been this way and most likely has never had an honest relationship. You can continue down this path for years to come, but the result will be the same because....The truth is you married a notoriously promiscuous woman and then let her off her leash...that is just who she is cowboy.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Threesome with a coworker and his wife ? That in itself should be enough!!


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

Get the kid DNA tested. That might give you some more info as to how far back her affairs are.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Jadiel said:


> That was actually a pretty inspiring story....very similar to mine in a lot of ways. Actually gives me hope.....if she'd just stop lying to me. More than anything i want her to tell me the truth......i doubt I'll ever get it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Oh god!! :slap:


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

You say your MIL likes you ,TALK TO HER tell her why you will be leaving.:banghead:


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