# trying to be strong..



## lincagi (Jul 11, 2009)

My husband and I have been married a little over 2 years and just had our first baby 3 weeks ago. While I was pregnant I found out my husband had been having Excessive phone conversation with a girl that he works with 10 years younger than him. He claimed it was JUST conversation and needed someone to vent to about our problems. I decided to forgive him and work things out. He promised to end all contact with her and never to anyone else with his problems but me. Not even a month later, I came to find out the phone calls were still continuing. And they were in the same excessive manner- a few times a day, sometimes several- every single day. Once again I forgive him. He told me he was unhappy, but couldnt tell me why. Just that he was miserable. He also told me that "it was the little things that counted in a marriage and because I didnt make the bed everyday I didnt take his feelings into consideration." I told him this was a completely ridiculous reason to end a marriage with someone you love. And told him he had his faults as well but nothing that would make me unhappy with him and in our marriage...We both broke down cried and agreed to work things out- we had a baby on the way in a month. In that time til the baby was born he was great.. Attentive to my needs, seemed to be excited about the baby... etc.
Well here we are 3 weeks later, our daughter is here and I found out he was speaking to this girl again. The day he talked to her on the phone I walked into our garage and found him hysterical crying and he told me that he was just "miserable".. I have access to his phone records and he had 8000 text messages this month. I can only assume the excessive phone convos he was having with this girl has turned into excessive texting. He claims he jsut needs to vent to someone.
He left our nome to stay at his mothers house, then is going to our vacation home for an unspecified amount of time to "get his head together". I cant take this emotional roller coaster and having my life and our daughters life in limbo. His selfishness is extremely sickeing to me at this point. The fact he can just walk away form his daughter is shocking to me. These are not the actions of the man i married. He told me he did not want to leave me, but is bringing up scenarios like we are going to be apart. He talks about when he will see our daughter, what we would do with our cars, how he would pay for the bills without me etc....

So here I am alone with a newborn, 24/7 trying to keep it together for her... He has stopped by the house before and after work to see her, but thats it. Hes having his cake and eating it too by just coming and going as he pleases....I just dont know how long I can take this... can anyone give me any insight on this? I want this to work more than anything in the world but im afraid he is just going to drag this out and hurt me everyday more and more by not coming home to his family and im going to resent him.. and if and when he does decide to work it out its going to be too late.,...


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

First, I would like to say how sorry I am to hear you are going thru all of this. That is awful! He should be there with you and your daughter--he is really missing out.

Welcome to the world of cheating. A cheater is a very selfish person; they care about no one but themselves. Because they have this other person, they will find fault with you (even the most miniscule things). Will he go to counseling? Is there a minister, priest, etc. who can intervene? 

Hang in there!


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

My ex also had an emotional affair, abruptly ended our marriage and left me. I was devastated but since have moved on with my life. I don't know how people can be soo selfish, childish, immature and self centered!!  I guess if I did understand it I would be no better than him. I also loathe women who get involved with married men. Don't know how they can look themselves in the mirror or sleep well at night. I sure hope that old "what goes around comes around" saying is true. I don't have anything really to offer other than I know what you're going through, it sucks and it's totally unfair to you and your child. Day by day. Hold your head high and focus on your little one. 
(((((HUGS))))))


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## CWife (Jul 12, 2009)

I have just become aware that my husband may be in an emotional affair. He is still denying it but all the signs seem to be there. He refused to talk to me about it. I am still hoping to somehow discuss this with him.

I am sorry about my rambling on, just no one to talk to about this as our friends all know this person and he refuses to discuss it with me. I am sad and hurt.


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## CWife (Jul 12, 2009)

Okay, I have recomposed myself. I would tell you that you should seek support from a counselor, minister, local support group something. 

You are at a very emotional time in your life anyway, what with a newborn, sleepless nights, hormones all out of wack. Even with the best support at home, women struggle through this time.

You sound like a very strong person, which is great, but don't take the world on your shoulders. Get help, if not for yourself for your daughter. It sounds like you still love your husband and if love can be saved it should.... but BOTH parties must participate. 

So, first get some type of counseling for yourself, then second you will both need to get counseling and if he refuses, then he has most likely given you your answer.

My prayers will be with you and your daughter.


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