# I had one simple rule: Do not cheat on me. She broke it.



## SuperDad

Where to even begin with this **** storm? Here goes:

Me (28) her (27). Been together for ten years. Married 4 years. Just found out through snooping around that she''s been having an A. How do I know for certain? She took a f'ing video of it. I could not stop watching that **** even if I really tried.

Never could I imagine my reserved wife would be a pornstar to her boss!!!! WTF??? She was so enthusiastic it made me nauseous. Her boss finished off on her wedding ring and she laughed it off! I am seething and livid. I have never felt such betrayal and rage in my entire life! She is lucky she's on a business trip or I would have torn her head off. We have a 1 year old daughter for Pete''s sake! How the f could she think this was okay?

There will be no reconciliation. I want the monster gone, but I need to protect my kid. Whatever happens, my kid is my priority. 

I've already changed the locks to my house. Yes, MY house in MY name brought by MY DECEASED PARENT'S INHERENTENCE. All the sacrifices I did for this spoilt monster. I moved heaven and earth for her! I worked my ass off to have a high paying job for US! How could she throw it all away? 

She has no idea I know. She will be arriving from her trip with her ass hole of a boss in two days. 

My M is dead. I don't need anyone telling me otherwise. I loved this woman with every fibre of my being and my love is slowly weakening my resolve to move on. But I'm certain it's over. I'm young, hansome and making a living. I do not have time to waist any more YEARS of my life with this creature. No more. I did everything for her. I was never abusive. I never cheated. Our marriage was amazing! Monster told me so herself! I treated her like she was my queen. She was my one and only! She was my first and only! I tolerated all the bull**** she gave me about being able to party and having guy friends. Biggest ****ing Mistake of My Life. F her!

I'm angry as hell but I have a reign on it. It is absolutely crucial that I'm clinical in finishing what she started. I need advice on what I can do here on out and what to expect from her.

I've scheduled a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. I want this **** done ASAP. Not one more breath will be spent on her. The country I'm in has fault divorce and boy oh boy am I going to take monster to the cleaners. She can keep her job, because she's gonna need it.

My God, the **** I had to go through to come here. I'll definitely need therapy. Those images ain't going nowhere. **** **** **** those images ain't going anywhere.


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## personofinterest

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine having actual images like that. Your anger is to be expected.

Please take care of yourself, eat right, try to sleep, and spend time with people who will support you. I assume you have no kids?

Oh, and good for you for not whining and trying to figure out how to nice her back.


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## Kamstel

I’m so sorry for you

But I’m glad that you know what you must do.

I have three suggestions

First, save the video someplace and give it to your lawyer. Don’t let her destroy it. It is your proof that she is at fault.

2nd, after she is given the divorce papers, contact the boss’s wife and tell her everything

3rd, call your wife’s HR dept and let them know as well, especially about the video. Hopefully it was made in the boss’s office.


You are doing what must be done for YOU!
Great job !!!!

Don’t let anyone distract or attempt to change your mind.

Feel free to come here for advice or to vent


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## AtMyEnd

SuperDad said:


> Where to even begin with this **** storm? Here goes:
> 
> Me (28) her (27). Been together for ten years. Married 4 years. Just found out through snooping around that she''s been having an A. How do I know for certain? She took a f'ing video of it. I could not stop watching that **** even if I really tried.
> 
> Never could I imagine my reserved wife would be a pornstar to her boss!!!! WTF??? She was so enthusiastic it made me nauseous. Her boss finished off on her wedding ring and she laughed it off! I am seething and livid. I have never felt such betrayal and rage in my entire life! She is lucky she's on a business trip or I would have torn her head off. We have a 1 year old daughter for Pete''s sake! How the f could she think this was okay?
> 
> There will be no reconciliation. I want the monster gone, but I need to protect my kid. Whatever happens, my kid is my priority.
> 
> I've already changed the locks to my house. Yes, MY house in MY name brought by MY DECEASED PARENT'S INHERENTENCE. All the sacrifices I did for this spoilt monster. I moved heaven and earth for her! I worked my ass off to have a high paying job for US! How could she throw it all away?
> 
> She has no idea I know. She will be arriving from her trip with her ass hole of a boss in two days.
> 
> My M is dead. I don't need anyone telling me otherwise. I loved this woman with every fibre of my being and my love is slowly weakening my resolve to move on. But I'm certain it's over. I'm young, hansome and making a living. I do not have time to waist any more YEARS of my life with this creature. No more. I did everything for her. I was never abusive. I never cheated. Our marriage was amazing! Monster told me so herself! I treated her like she was my queen. She was my one and only! She was my first and only! I tolerated all the bull**** she gave me about being able to party and having guy friends. Biggest ****ing Mistake of My Life. F her!
> 
> I'm angry as hell but I have a reign on it. It is absolutely crucial that I'm clinical in finishing what she started. I need advice on what I can do here on out and what to expect from her.
> 
> I've scheduled a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. I want this **** done ASAP. Not one more breath will be spent on her. The country I'm in has fault divorce and boy oh boy am I going to take monster to the cleaners. She can keep her job, because she's gonna need it.
> 
> My God, the **** I had to go through to come here. I'll definitely need therapy. Those images ain't going nowhere. **** **** **** those images ain't going anywhere.


I feel your pain. I recently found out that my wife of almost 15 years has been having a year long affair with a friend of mine, a friend who I've been close with for close to 30 years. I did not see any pics or video of anything but I did see texts between them talking about their feelings for each other, how often they saw each other, the lies see told me about where she "said" she was going when she went to meet him as well as other things. The shock and pain will go away, what's important right now is that you keep your cool. It happened, you found out and you're ending it. You need to keep your cool and keep your head straight, and not do anything stupid. You need to do this for you, and most importantly your kid. The pain, frustration and everything else brought on by this will pass. Your life will go on and become better then ever before, just keep your cool about it.


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## SuperDad

Thanks for the replies. Writing it out helped a bit and I do plan on sticking around. I feel this crap is gonna get real messy soon. 

About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


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## SentHereForAReason

You are doing the right thing sir. The wife you had is no longer, the person that existed is no longer. 

Do this quickly and without remorse. Harness the anger to get things done and the process but I would not show her a damn thing. The swift blade of justice and repercussions about you telling the HR department and if he is married will serve good enough for revenge. 

Please don't do anything dumb, as I know the emotions are running high and you will want to take the anger out on her but do everything you are doing from here on out for your daughter.

Don't listen to anything your wife has to say, just move forward as you have planned and if you think of wavering, come back here and we can all talk.

Was the video on her phone? When you talk to the lawyer, make sure the evidence you have and gather is legit and can be used.


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## MyRevelation

We all know how bad this sucks, but looking realistically, you have much in your favor ...

You have irrefutable proof.

You have 2 days to plan and act.

You have the complete element of surprise.

You have the ability to expose them to their company. (Remember ... the threat of exposure is often worth more than the actual act)

You have a good amount of justifiable righteous indignation.

Share everything with your attorney tomorrow and see if he can have D papers ready to serve upon her arrival.

It also may be a good time to have your daughter spend the night at your parents.


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## SentHereForAReason

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the replies. Writing it out helped a bit and I do plan on sticking around. I feel this crap is gonna get real messy soon.
> 
> About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


Actually yes, if you are worried about that, you may not want to get her fired then. My lawyer told me the first day we met not to tell employer because I would end up paying her alimony. 

Find out if the low life boss is married though and take care of that part of it.


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## Cynthia

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the replies. Writing it out helped a bit and I do plan on sticking around. I feel this crap is gonna get real messy soon.
> 
> About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


How long does a divorce take in your area?

Where was the video taken?

You should be able to expose her and the boss far and wide once the divorce is final and it shouldn't cost you a thing financially if she loses her job after the divorce. However, she will need to be able to take care of your child when he is with her, so you don't want him living in substandard circumstance due to her inability to provide for him.


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## SentHereForAReason

Ok, just saw where they are coming back in 2 days. Was the video from a previous encounter then, just wondering how in the heck you got video of them out of town, if that's what happened.


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## 3Xnocharm

Guard a copy of that video with your life. You already changed locks, I'd say pack up her crap and get it out of your house. Get to the lawyer, start paperwork asap. And as someone else mentioned, TELL THE WIFE. I'm sure you wouldn't want her to find out the same way you did, ugh, and she deserves to know what she is married to.


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## SuperDad

I'm not worried about possibly doing anything stupid like hurting her. That will impede my end goal. I have the anger under control. I'm actually pretty numb and am going to use that to my advantage. Yes, I'm not whining because I gave everything to this marriage and she spat it back in my face. Nobody screws with me. No one.

I found the video on her laptop. It was just repaired and I fetched it without telling her. The way she acted leading up to the business trip had red flag written all over it. So I snooped and found the video. I'm backing up everything and giving them to my attorney. There are more videos here but I'm not going to bother watching them. It's definitely her in the one I saw. Crystal clear barf!


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## SentHereForAReason

The selfish part of me wants him to take a video of when she comes home and tries to get in.

REMEMBER SD, you have the high road now. Keep to it and you will be able to get true justice and revenge of her being left with no one after this is done. Please, don't fall victim to the urge to do anything bad!


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## Kamstel

then contact HR after divorce is final


What country are you in?


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## SentHereForAReason

SuperDad said:


> I'm not worried about possibly doing anything stupid like hurting her. That will impede my end goal. I have the anger under control. I'm actually pretty numb and am going to use that to my advantage. Yes, I'm not whining because I gave everything to this marriage and she spat it back in my face. Nobody screws with me. No one.
> 
> I found the video on her laptop. It was just repaired and I fetched it without telling her. The way she acted leading up to the business trip had red flag written all over it. So I snooped and found the video. I'm backing up everything and giving them to my attorney. There are more videos here but I'm not going to bother watching them. It's definitely her in the one I saw. Crystal clear barf!


Good Man!

Yes, no need to watch anymore. You saw it, copy them to a flash drive and hand it over to lawyer.


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## nice777guy

SuperDad said:


> About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


Almost hate to say it, but I think you're right. Her losing her job could hurt both of you - and your kid - financially.


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## AtMyEnd

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the replies. Writing it out helped a bit and I do plan on sticking around. I feel this crap is gonna get real messy soon.
> 
> About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


Again, I feel your pain. In my situation, my wife makes more money than I do. If we do split custody of our son, which is what I want, she would owe me child support. She would also owe me alimony for about 4-5 years. On top of that she owes me half of the selling price of our house if she wants to keep it, which she does. The problem I have is that there isn't enough equity in the house to buy me out so she'd have to pay me over time. I know with all those payments to me, plus a mortgage and everything else that goes along with a house that she'd end up in a tough spot financially. Being that we do have our son, I don't want her to be hurting too much financially because I know that will only effect him in the long run.

All I can say is calm down before you make any decisions and think of what's right for you and your kid. As much as all of us who were hurt want to bleed their pockets dry, when kids are involved we have to do what's right for the kids first.


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## Kamstel

Do you have a copy of the disgusting video saved to a thumb drive? Or attach it and email it to yourself!!!

Saving a copy and getting it to your lawyer is yourTOP PRIORITY!!!!!


Then listen to and follow your lawyers directions to the letter!!!

How old is your child?


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## SentHereForAReason

AtMyEnd said:


> Again, I feel your pain. In my situation, my wife makes more money than I do. If we do split custody of our son, which is what I want, she would owe me child support. She would also owe me alimony for about 4-5 years. On top of that she owes me half of the selling price of our house if she wants to keep it, which she does. The problem I have is that there isn't enough equity in the house to buy me out so she'd have to pay me over time. I know with all those payments to me, plus a mortgage and everything else that goes along with a house that she'd end up in a tough spot financially. Being that we do have our son, I don't want her to be hurting too much financially because I know that will only effect him in the long run.
> 
> All I can say is calm down before you make any decisions and think of what's right for you and your kid. As much as all of us who were hurt want to bleed their pockets dry, when kids are involved we have to do what's right for the kids first.


Hmm. As a side conversation, I wonder if you could figure it out where you get less alimony or less child support in exchange for more parenting time with your son? I know you have your son's best interests at heart but it's up to her to try and make ends meet and if you son would go without, while over there, I'm sure you could make up the difference by sending food, clothes, etc over to him while he is there.


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## SentHereForAReason

Kamstel said:


> Do you have a copy of the disgusting video saved to a thumb drive? Or attach it and email it to yourself!!!
> 
> Saving a copy and getting it to your lawyer is yourTOP PRIORITY!!!!!
> 
> 
> Then listen to and follow your lawyers directions to the letter!!!
> 
> How old is your child?


Think he said 1 Year Old Daughter


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## Marc878

Inform her bosses wife. It’s the right thing to do


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## MyRevelation

Marc878 said:


> Inform her bosses wife. It’s the right thing to do


I respectfully disagree, at least until after he's spoken with his attorney. At this point, SD should be playing his cards close to the vest and not give up any of his negotiating leverage. The bosses wife can wait ... SD's primary responsibility is to himself and his D. The rest can be dealt with at a later time.


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## Kamstel

Come up with your plan of what you are going to do and run it by you lawyer!!! Then stick to it like glue!

Keep communication between the two of you to a minimum. Although you will want to find out what time she is planning on arriving home. If she says the business trip might be longer, encourage her to do so. The longer you don’t see her the better!


No matter what, keep anger under control at ALL TIMES!!!

You will get through this!
You are stronger than you think!
Stay focused on final goal.... quick divorce where she is found at fault and no alimony.

Set up babysitting for next week so you prove that you can be primary parent


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the replies. Writing it out helped a bit and I do plan on sticking around. I feel this crap is gonna get real messy soon.
> 
> About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


I am not familiar with the laws of your
Country;however, ask your attorney about
The possibility of a financial settlement 
Should you sue her employer. She is his
Subordinate. This could result in a financial
Windfall for you and your child.

PS: I will bet you other people in the
Organization knew of the affair.


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## UpsideDownWorld11

I admire your resolve. Watching her AP cum on her ring and they laugh it up had to have been awful. Disgraceful. Divorce her cheating ass and move on with a better woman.


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## EleGirl

SuperDad said:


> About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


Yep, she can lose her job, most likely will. You might be best not telling his wife until the divorce is final.

Even then, after the divorce, she might be fired and might be able to come after you for more child support.


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## Evinrude58

Copy and send all the evidence you found. You don’t have to watch it, but it might contain more than just her boss.

At least when you feel weak, and she starts boo hooing and telling you how much she loves you ( and she WILL if you have a spine and carry out the divorce like you say), you can remember what you saw and gain strength from the anger.

She laughed about him soiling her ring?

Yeah, he and she both need to go down...
That’s disgusting on multiple levels


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## AtMyEnd

stillfightingforus said:


> Hmm. As a side conversation, I wonder if you could figure it out where you get less alimony or less child support in exchange for more parenting time with your son? I know you have your son's best interests at heart but it's up to her to try and make ends meet and if you son would go without, while over there, I'm sure you could make up the difference by sending food, clothes, etc over to him while he is there.


Not to hijack someone else's thread but all of this is something I've been thinking about a lot. When she first brought up custody, I told her it was going to be a 50/50 split where he spends one week with her, then one week with me, and we would alternate holidays and all be together for his birthday. I also told her that regardless of whose week it was on Mother's Day, Father's Day and her and my birthdays that the exception would be made that he would be with which ever parent. I thought that was that absolute fairest way to do it, and I didn't even mention any child support, I don't really care about it or need it. It's about my son and the time that he and I both deserve with each other. When I told her all this, she flipped out. She told me that it was unfair, unhealthy for him, and she told me that I was just saying that because I didn't want to pay child support. Well that all kind of triggered me that one she thought it was unfair and unhealthy for him, and two that she ever mentioned me not wanting to pay child support. And originally I hadn't even given alimony a thought, I make my own money and I make decent money. Yes with her making more then me we have been able to afford some of the extras in life, but I don't need extras, and I don't need her money to live my life.

After speaking with my attorney and hearing my wife's reaction and how she was making things all about the money was when I changed my thinking on things. I know the way she is and she gets, after hearing her bring up money I know that if the roles were reversed that she would try to get every last dime out of me that she could. At that point I did decide that I'm going to go after child support and alimony, which in NY, alimony is only paid for a few years depending on the length of the marriage. My attorney also wants me to go after the half of the sell value on the house that I'm entitled to even though I'd be happy with just taking the equity that we already have in the house which is only about half of what I should get. But depending on how cooperative my wife is through all of this will determine how I handle that one. Then there's the half of her 401k that I'm entitled to, I'm not planning on touching that but I do plan on using it as a leverage point if I need it, and if she want's to be a real b*tch about things then maybe I will go after it.

To me it's not about the money and never was. To her, money became an obsession, and some times I think that if I take her obsession away from her that her head will deflate a little and she become more like the person she once was. For her own sake, not for mine, and certainly not for any chance we would ever get back together.


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## EleGirl

SuperDad said:


> I'm not worried about possibly doing anything stupid like hurting her. That will impede my end goal. I have the anger under control. I'm actually pretty numb and am going to use that to my advantage. Yes, I'm not whining because I gave everything to this marriage and she spat it back in my face. Nobody screws with me. No one.
> 
> I found the video on her laptop. It was just repaired and I fetched it without telling her. The way she acted leading up to the business trip had red flag written all over it. So I snooped and found the video. I'm backing up everything and giving them to my attorney. There are more videos here but I'm not going to bother watching them. It's definitely her in the one I saw. Crystal clear barf!


We don't know what country and/or state you live in, so we don't know the divorce laws where you live. Many places have no-fault divorce. This means that those videos are not going to do you any good in the if you live somewhere that has no-fault divorce laws.

Plus in some places, if you give them to anyone, you can be prosecuted for do that. 

You can most likely do some internet searches to find the laws where you live.


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## TDSC60

Don't make a stink about it with her job until after the divorce. Like has been mentioned here by LH, you might be in a position to sue the company for the boss having an affair with an employee that resulted in a divorce. It is worth taking to a lawyer. After the divorce when you can prove a loss as a direct result of his actions is the time to go after him and ,by association, her. Also if dirt bag is married, I would not approach his wife yet. Protect yourself and the child first. Then drop the hammer latter.

Get STD testing.

Get DNA test done to insure you are the biological father of the kid.

Consult the lawyer about full custody of the child.

Consult a lawyer before locking her out of the house. I understand it is your house, but she has personal items in the house. If lawyer says OK to locking her out, then pack up ALL she owns in the house and put it in a storage unit then present her with the key.

Stay calm. Get a VAR and keep it on you when you confront her.


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## TDSC60

Since you don't know how long the affair has been going on, is it possible that the boss is the father of the child?

If she is, then sue his ass for child support.


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## MattMatt

EleGirl said:


> We don't know what country and/or state you live in, so we don't know the divorce laws where you live. Many places have no-fault divorce. This means that those videos are not going to do you any good in the if you live somewhere that has no-fault divorce laws.
> 
> Plus in some places, if you give them to anyone, you can be prosecuted for do that.
> 
> You can most likely do some internet searches to find the laws where you live.


Due to the fact that @SuperDad knows how to spell fibre like I do D) I'd presume you @SuperDad) are in Britain, or maybe the Irish Republic, or perhaps a Commonwealth country like NZ or Australia?

There are a lot of country specific resources that we can provide links to, but only if we know which country's divorce laws apply.


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## arbitrator

SuperDad said:


> Where to even begin with this **** storm? Here goes:
> 
> Me (28) her (27). Been together for ten years. Married 4 years. Just found out through snooping around that she''s been having an A. How do I know for certain? She took a f'ing video of it. I could not stop watching that **** even if I really tried.
> 
> Never could I imagine my reserved wife would be a pornstar to her boss!!!! WTF??? She was so enthusiastic it made me nauseous. Her boss finished off on her wedding ring and she laughed it off! I am seething and livid. I have never felt such betrayal and rage in my entire life! She is lucky she's on a business trip or I would have torn her head off. We have a 1 year old daughter for Pete''s sake! How the f could she think this was okay?
> 
> There will be no reconciliation. I want the monster gone, but I need to protect my kid. Whatever happens, my kid is my priority.
> 
> I've already changed the locks to my house. Yes, MY house in MY name brought by MY DECEASED PARENT'S INHERENTENCE. All the sacrifices I did for this spoilt monster. I moved heaven and earth for her! I worked my ass off to have a high paying job for US! How could she throw it all away?
> 
> She has no idea I know. She will be arriving from her trip with her ass hole of a boss in two days.
> 
> My M is dead. I don't need anyone telling me otherwise. I loved this woman with every fibre of my being and my love is slowly weakening my resolve to move on. But I'm certain it's over. I'm young, hansome and making a living. I do not have time to waist any more YEARS of my life with this creature. No more. I did everything for her. I was never abusive. I never cheated. Our marriage was amazing! Monster told me so herself! I treated her like she was my queen. She was my one and only! She was my first and only! I tolerated all the bull**** she gave me about being able to party and having guy friends. Biggest ****ing Mistake of My Life. F her!
> 
> I'm angry as hell but I have a reign on it. It is absolutely crucial that I'm clinical in finishing what she started. I need advice on what I can do here on out and what to expect from her.
> 
> I've scheduled a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. I want this **** done ASAP. Not one more breath will be spent on her. The country I'm in has fault divorce and boy oh boy am I going to take monster to the cleaners. She can keep her job, because she's gonna need it.
> 
> My God, the **** I had to go through to come here. I'll definitely need therapy. Those images ain't going nowhere. **** **** **** those images ain't going anywhere.


*What ever you do, keep your composure and do not attempt to hurt her physically!

Contact the bosses wife and let her know exactly what's been going on!

Pack her things and place them into a warehouse!

Change the locks on your doors!

Quit watching those videos of hers humping the boss! Place it in your lawyers hands immediately! He'll know what to do with it!

Have your attorney file for divorce, asking for primary custody of your child, the maximum amount of child support, and a favorable property settlement!*


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## skerzoid

SuperDad:

1. *Financially,* get all your ducks in a row now. Cancel all common credit cards. Split monies now in accounts.

2. *Have her served in a public place.*. Its like a cold slap in the face.

3. *Ghost her*. I wouldn't be around when she comes home after being served. 

4. *After her being served, all contact* only through text or email, or even better through the barrister. Be cold, professional, and deathly calm.

5. *No sex with her*, it can be construed as forgiveness by the courts.

6. *STD check*. 

7. *Copy* all those videos to be used as bargaining material to reduce alimony or child custody.

8. *DNA* your child even if you are sure she's yours. Sets a tone.

9. *Expose* to family, friends, and the boss's wife.

10. *You are showing strength, courage, and decisiveness*. Keep it up. You will feel sadness after the rage subsides.

11. *Get individual counciling* for yourself. You will need it. Good luck!


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## SpinyNorman

TDSC60 said:


> Since you don't know how long the affair has been going on, is it possible that the boss is the father of the child?
> 
> If she is, then sue his ass for child support.


If the kid isn't TS's, he has no standing to sue for support, the mother would. TS would possibly be able to get out of supporting the child, but surprisingly this isn't a slam dunk.

Regarding locking her out, this is illegal many places if she was living there. Ownership, payment of rent irrelevant. Discuss w/ your lawyer.


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## happyhusband0005

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the replies. Writing it out helped a bit and I do plan on sticking around. I feel this crap is gonna get real messy soon.
> 
> About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


Yes skip the HR department, your instincts are very good, it could cost her the job. Get the divorce going.


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## SuperDad

I live in Wales for now.


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## sokillme

SuperDad said:


> Where to even begin with this **** storm? Here goes:
> 
> Me (28) her (27). Been together for ten years. Married 4 years. Just found out through snooping around that she''s been having an A. How do I know for certain? She took a f'ing video of it. I could not stop watching that **** even if I really tried.
> 
> Never could I imagine my reserved wife would be a pornstar to her boss!!!! WTF??? She was so enthusiastic it made me nauseous. Her boss finished off on her wedding ring and she laughed it off! I am seething and livid. I have never felt such betrayal and rage in my entire life! She is lucky she's on a business trip or I would have torn her head off. We have a 1 year old daughter for Pete''s sake! How the f could she think this was okay?
> 
> There will be no reconciliation. I want the monster gone, but I need to protect my kid. Whatever happens, my kid is my priority.
> 
> I've already changed the locks to my house. Yes, MY house in MY name brought by MY DECEASED PARENT'S INHERENTENCE. All the sacrifices I did for this spoilt monster. I moved heaven and earth for her! I worked my ass off to have a high paying job for US! How could she throw it all away?
> 
> She has no idea I know. She will be arriving from her trip with her ass hole of a boss in two days.
> 
> My M is dead. I don't need anyone telling me otherwise. I loved this woman with every fibre of my being and my love is slowly weakening my resolve to move on. But I'm certain it's over. I'm young, hansome and making a living. I do not have time to waist any more YEARS of my life with this creature. No more. I did everything for her. I was never abusive. I never cheated. Our marriage was amazing! Monster told me so herself! I treated her like she was my queen. She was my one and only! She was my first and only! I tolerated all the bull**** she gave me about being able to party and having guy friends. Biggest ****ing Mistake of My Life. F her!
> 
> I'm angry as hell but I have a reign on it. It is absolutely crucial that I'm clinical in finishing what she started. I need advice on what I can do here on out and what to expect from her.
> 
> I've scheduled a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. I want this **** done ASAP. Not one more breath will be spent on her. The country I'm in has fault divorce and boy oh boy am I going to take monster to the cleaners. She can keep her job, because she's gonna need it.
> 
> My God, the **** I had to go through to come here. I'll definitely need therapy. Those images ain't going nowhere. **** **** **** those images ain't going anywhere.


Sounds about right. Only talk to her about your kid, if you can use a third party even better but move on with your life maybe your mother or something. Don't give her closure do the best you can to ghost her in as many ways as you can. Never give her the satisfaction of ever talking to you about it again, don't let her apologize or think that there is any way she can make it up to you. Let her live with it for the rest of her entire life like you will have to. I might send the video to her parents, I would probably tell them before she got back and say goodbye and if they don't believe you show them the video. Also if he is married expose it to his wife and to the company but if you have to wait until your divorce is finalized though I think it is based on potential earnings not current. Talk to your lawyer about that. 

People make mistakes, you did in picking her, but you did it in good faith. But you were a good husband and did your best take pride in that, now just find someone better. You will do much better because you know your worth and are no afraid. Exercise and get in shape it helps with depression and just accept that she was a con women. It' happens. Some people are just ****ty like that, but your life is not over. She was a ****ty wife, remember that. You can do much better, a spouse who is unloyal is worth absolutely nothing in fact they are an albatross. Not hard to do better then that.


----------



## SuperDad

Thanks for the helpful posts. I'm keeping together. Don't have a lot of time.

Should I confront her when she gets back?


----------



## happyhusband0005

TDSC60 said:


> Stay calm. Get a VAR and keep it on you when you confront her.


Check with the lawyer on this also to be sure recording her without her knowledge is legal. You don't want to risk anything as you have all the leverage with that video.


----------



## TAMAT

SD,

DO NOT HAVE PHYSICAL CONTACT WITH YOUR WW, the OM may be a STD source and who knows what else he is doing, perhaps seeing sex workers too. Don't even kiss her.

Your WW will attempt to sex bomb you once she knows you know.

Tamat


----------



## SuperDad

Dammit, I have to get my daughter tested? What a nightmare. I'll schedule a screening for STDs and HIV. The more I realise I need to do, the more I hate this woman.


----------



## stillthinking

Maybe lower the exposure hammer after you get the divorce finalized. 

With the video footage it should be pretty easy to rock her boss,s world. Both personally and professionally.

Just let him sweat it out in the meantime.


----------



## Txquail

You should give her bosses wife the video along with wifes parents. After doing it text your wife you know and that your sending the video to everyone.

Give a copy to her Bosses HR department and threaten to sue

Get a dna test of the kid. There's a good chance its not yours. Do it before she gets home.


----------



## sokillme

Personally I would bring the kid to her moms, let her parents know and then ghost for a week. Let her sit with it. Then I would only contact her through attorneys. My mission would be to never speak to her again. The purpose is to make them and only them have to live with the magnitude of what they did. I would really never speak to her again if I didn't have to. I would be careful before I released the video as people in the UK have been prosecuted for that kind of stuff. But you can use it as leverage. I would talk to your attorney. 

If it was me. When I knew the plane landed. 

She would get a text. 

_I know where you where an what you did. 

_Then she would get a text with the video. Followed by this._

Don't bother coming to my home, the locks have been changed.
Your parents know and are expecting you.
Our child is there because I am not a monster like you and they still deserve the best mom you are capable of being despite your immoral character.
I tried my best to be a good husband to you but I see now I was wasting my time.
Assuming the DNA test I sent comes back positive I expect you to at least try to co-parent with me with honor as it is the best thing we can do for our child.
This will probably be the last direct communication we will have.
From now on you can speak to me through my attorneys. 
Despite your lack of respect for yourself I ask you to at least respect my wishes as I tried to love you in good faith.
God help you. _

Then I would block her from all forms of communication and I would go to a hotel or if you can swing it go on vacation for a week that way she can't show up at your job or whatever. If you can't make sure they are aware she may so you can have her escorted away. Don't talk to her. Tell your family and friend whats happened but tell them that you have not plans to talk to her again and not to bring it up.


----------



## Evinrude58

Only confront when your plans are ready, when you ar ready. Give no warning or opportunity for her to twist the story.

I would discuss this at length with your attorney, and I would be prepared to show the whole set of video evidence to her parents. The more the better. 

But since you can be sued in the UK for even telling the truth, I would discuss it all with your attorney.

Hatch a plan for confrontation. Stick to it.
Do everything on YOUR timeline.


----------



## MattMatt

SuperDad said:


> I live in Wales for now.


For divorce laws you are covered by the divorce laws of England and Wales https://www.gov.uk/divorce

Do you both live in the same country? The reason I raised this is because you said you live in Wales for now. Which could complicate things.

The Law Society can also help with details of solicitors, etc.


----------



## TAMAT

SD,

Hadn't thought of that but yes apparently it is possible to transmit more than just syphilis to the baby before and during birth.

From the web 

"Some STDs/STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhea, genital herpes, and cytomegalovirus can be passed from mother to infant during delivery when the infant passes through an infected birth canal. A few STDs/STIs, including syphilis, HIV, and CMV, can infect a fetus before birth during the pregnancy.Jan 31, 2017"


----------



## *Deidre*

Sounds terrible, the situation you find yourself in. I think you're handling it well, and hope this all works out for you. While I do understand why some people choose to reconcile, and stay married despite infidelity, it would be hard for me to trust ever again. Not so much that it's difficult to forgive, but rather it would be hard to look at my husband the way I once did. Do you feel this way, Superdad?


----------



## bandit.45

Just divorce her. She's gross. 

And don't ask for that ring back. Ick.


----------



## SuperDad

We both live in the same country. I say for now because I'm considering taking a position on offer in London. 

This suck big time. Our future was so prosperous. Things were looking great for us. Guess she thought she could take advantage of my kindness and thought I was a doormat. A cuckold to fool around on still string along. Big mistake on her part. One she's gonna learn the hard way.

And sex bomb me? Wouldn't even touch her with a ten foot pole. The thought of her literally disgusts me right now.

I'll get started on taking a paternity test on my daughter as soon as I can. So much to do, so little time.


----------



## bandit.45

SuperDad said:


> We both live in the same country. I say for now because I'm considering taking a position on offer in London.
> 
> This suck big time. Our future was so prosperous. Things were looking great for us. Guess she thought she could take advantage of my kindness and thought I was a doormat. A cuckold to fool around on still string along. Big mistake on her part. One she's gonna learn the hard way.
> 
> And sex bomb me? Wouldn't even touch her with a ten foot pole. The thought of her literally disgusts me right now.
> 
> I'll get started on taking a paternity test on my daughter as soon as I can. So much to do, so little time.


If you live in England you are going to get hosed in divorce court. You'll be lucky if you don't end up living in a refrigerator box under a bridge and no visitation with your kids. Sorry man. I feel so bad for you British guys who make the mistake of getting married and having kids there. I hope you have one hell of a mean solicitor. You'll need one.


----------



## Tatsuhiko

Talk to your attorney and make sure it was okay to change the locks. There may be legal ramifications for denying her access to her legal residence and her possessions. If someone has brought this up already, I apologize for mentioning again. I didn't have time to read the whole thread and wanted to make sure this point was not missed.

Make a few copies of the video and keep them in safe places.


----------



## Suspicious1

This might sound like self torture but get as many of those video's as you can, the way I see it, it's for you're protection. She could have been doing more than one A-hole, someone you may be close to.

Just saying.

Stay safe brother.


S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## BluesPower

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the helpful posts. I'm keeping together. Don't have a lot of time.
> 
> Should I confront her when she gets back?


I think you should send her one of her videos. I think when the locks are changed and her stuff is on the porch, she may get the picture...


----------



## OutofRetirement

Marriage without love is just a contract. That is legal. Consult the attorney/solicitor and follow that advice. Protect your child and your assets. At some point (now, really, but you're still very angry) you are just plaintiffs and respondents, dissolving a legal contract monetarily equitably and what's best in the interests of the minor child. That's what the legal process wants - fair distribution of assets and best interests of child. It may not actual be the case ("fair" or "best interests") in your government's jurisdiction. So listen to your attorney/solicitor.

The video, and the way you obtained it, may or may not be illegal depending on the laws in your jurisdiction. Preventing your wife's entry into the house may or may not be legal depending on the laws in your jurisdiction. Let the attorney/solicition know and follow the advice.


----------



## VladDracul

I seriously doubt he can summarily evict her from the house. I realize its Wales but in the U.S. no state that I'm aware of would allow it.


----------



## TRy

SuperDad said:


> Her boss finished off on her wedding ring and she laughed it off!


 Wow you actually found a video of "Her boss finished off on her wedding ring and she laughed it off"! For getting the crowd going, that was a nice touch, or should I say finishing touch.


----------



## sokillme

SuperDad said:


> We both live in the same country. I say for now because I'm considering taking a position on offer in London.
> 
> This suck big time. Our future was so prosperous. Things were looking great for us. Guess she thought she could take advantage of my kindness and thought I was a doormat. A cuckold to fool around on still string along. Big mistake on her part. One she's gonna learn the hard way.
> 
> And sex bomb me? Wouldn't even touch her with a ten foot pole. The thought of her literally disgusts me right now.
> 
> I'll get started on taking a paternity test on my daughter as soon as I can. So much to do, so little time.


You can still have that just not with her. And you wouldn't want it with someone like her. One of the major challenges for you is to make your mind use logic to see her for who she is and learn to your ignore your emotions who see her as you want her to be. Start to discipline your mind when you feel the emotions force your mind to think the logic.


----------



## Kamstel

What time are you seeing the lawyer?

Can you make a dr. Appt for 3 hours later for DNA?


----------



## Kamstel

Is she due back Friday of Saturday?


----------



## Cynthia

SuperDad said:


> I found the video on her laptop. It was just repaired and I fetched it without telling her. The way she acted leading up to the business trip had red flag written all over it. So I snooped and found the video. I'm backing up everything and giving them to my attorney. There are more videos here but I'm not going to bother watching them. It's definitely her in the one I saw. Crystal clear barf!


Copy them all to flash drives or external hard drives. Put them somewhere for safekeeping that she cannot get to. At least one copy for your attorney, another copy for the OM wife, 2 copies for your personal safekeeping. You don't have to watch them to copy them. (Edited: Probably not a good idea to give one to OM's wife, as that is distribution of pornography that you are not authorized to have or to distribute.)




AtMyEnd said:


> Again, I feel your pain. In my situation, my wife makes more money than I do. If we do split custody of our son, which is what I want, she would owe me child support. She would also owe me alimony for about 4-5 years. On top of that she owes me half of the selling price of our house if she wants to keep it, which she does. The problem I have is that there isn't enough equity in the house to buy me out so she'd have to pay me over time. I know with all those payments to me, plus a mortgage and everything else that goes along with a house that she'd end up in a tough spot financially. Being that we do have our son, I don't want her to be hurting too much financially because I know that will only effect him in the long run.
> 
> All I can say is calm down before you make any decisions and think of what's right for you and your kid. As much as all of us who were hurt want to bleed their pockets dry, when kids are involved we have to do what's right for the kids first.


Are you serious?! She will have to move out of the house into different accommodations. Your son will not know the difference between his house now and an apartment. Kids don't need a huge house to be happy.



OutofRetirement said:


> The video, and the way you obtained it, may or may not be illegal depending on the laws in your jurisdiction. Preventing your wife's entry into the house may or may not be legal depending on the laws in your jurisdiction. Let the attorney/solicition know and follow the advice.


It is important that you do not disclose to anyone where you got the videos. Your wife will figure it out when she sees that you have her computer, but do not tell her. Talk to your attorney about this.

Locking her out of her own home may not be a good idea. It may make you look abusive to the courts. That is the last thing you need. Be very careful and seek legal advice. I wouldn't even tell the OM's wife until you have things more sorted out and are under legal advisement. You might want to stay with your wife and do the 180 without telling her what you know until you have made arrangements to move with her to London. Once you are all there, you have her served immediately. Again, check with an attorney.


----------



## Adelais

I remember a thread from a few years ago here or on SI of a man from England whose wife cheated on him, got pregnant from her boss, moved in with him, taking the children. She made the divorce take forever, was continually asking for more and by the time the divorce was finalized the poor BS was financially ruined but relieved the horrible WW and her awful boss were out of his life.

Do not do anything without your lawyer's approval, it may come back to be used against you. Put the old locks back on, or give your wife a key to the new locks. Put cameras and VARs around the house to protect yourself. Do not expose the cheating unless and until your lawyer advises you to.

Get the papers written up now, have them ready for when she gets home. Tell her you know what she has been up to, and that you have proof, but don't tell her any details about what you know. Let her wonder and fear so she will not make the divorce more difficult.

Do not go on a vacation or leave your child with the grand parents. It could be seen as abandonment by the court. Be present, steady, document EVERYTHING. You have no idea how your WW might try to get even with you in order to protect herself and get her own way.


----------



## ABHale

personofinterest said:


> I am so sorry. I cannot imagine having actual images like that. Your anger is to be expected.
> 
> Please take care of yourself, eat right, try to sleep, and spend time with people who will support you. I assume you have no kids?
> 
> Oh, and good for you for not whining and trying to figure out how to nice her back.


Has a daughter.


----------



## ABHale

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the helpful posts. I'm keeping together. Don't have a lot of time.
> 
> Should I confront her when she gets back?


You have changed the locks. Why confront her?

Just do a screen shot and print it out. Place it in an envelope with her name on it. Then pin it to the door. She’ll get the picture :grin2:


----------



## Thor

One of the prime rules is to never divulge your source of information. Don't tell her what your proof is until it is to your benefit to do so. You don't have to prove to her she cheated! She may figure out you saw videos on her laptop, but still I wouldn't tell her specifically what you have or how you got it.

Also, there may be much more on the laptop such as emails or documents which could be beneficial to you. You could clone the hard drive or simply copy all the documents and emails to a thumb drive.

If your lawyer approves it, have a voice activated recorder on you and running any time you have contact with your stbxw. The reason is to prove she is lying if she claims you threatened her or harmed her. Discuss with your lawyer if this is legal where you live.

Download copies of all your financial records. Bank accounts, retirement accounts, investment accounts, recent paychecks. Secure copies of several years of past tax records. Download mobile phone records (hers especially) for the last few years (there may be important data on there about who she has called or texted). Get a copy of her credit report. Make photo copies of all important documents of yours, hers, and your child. Passport, drivers license, government ID, birth certificates, marriage certificate. Secure copies of your child's medical records. This is all stuff you may need in the divorce or afterwards, so getting it now can save a lot of hassles later. I would take your child's passport and put it somewhere your stbxw can't get it, so that she can't run off with the child.

If your lawyer approves, immediately separate your finances. Cancel joint credit cards. Get your own new card. Get a new bank account in just your name, and have your paychecks deposited into it. Keep paying the bills as you have been. In the USA, when you file divorce with the court or file legal separation, it separates your finances legally. Normally you would be jointly responsible for any new debt, but once the filings happen you are not. Discuss with the lawyer what you can do to protect yourself from her spending or borrowing money.


----------



## MEM2020

Cynthia is right, locking her out of the house without notice could cause you problems.

If you stay calm and record all conversations she won’t be able to lie about ... anything that transpires. 

You are better off:
1. Telling her you know she is cheating with the boss 
2. Offering her a temporary child custody agreement of 50-50
3. Asking her to leave the house - calmly - don’t threaten her - in fact record the conversation and stay calm 
4. Let her know you are filing for divorce and are open to a discussion about what your custody agreement will be 

Do NOT threaten her in any manner, not via exposing her affair or in any other way. 

Don’t bring up STD testing for you or your child, just do it. Do not threaten to expose her (boss) affair partner to his wife. 

Do not raise your voice, etc. 

Be calm and non threatening and your outcome will be optimized.




CynthiaDe said:


> Copy them all to flash drives or external hard drives. Put them somewhere for safekeeping that she cannot get to. At least one copy for your attorney, another copy for the OM wife, 2 copies for your personal safekeeping. You don't have to watch them to copy them.
> 
> 
> 
> Are you serious?! She will have to move out of the house into different accommodations. Your son will not know the difference between his house now and an apartment. Kids don't need a huge house to be happy.
> 
> 
> It is important that you do not disclose to anyone where you got the videos. Your wife will figure it out when she sees that you have her computer, but do not tell her. Talk to your attorney about this.
> 
> Locking her out of her own home may not be a good idea. It may make you look abusive to the courts. That is the last thing you need. Be very careful and seek legal advice. I wouldn't even tell the OM's wife until you have things more sorted out and are under legal advisement. You might want to stay with your wife and do the 180 without telling her what you know until you have made arrangements to move with her to London. Once you are all there, you have her served immediately. Again, check with an attorney.


----------



## SuperDad

Okay, if my lawyer says so, I'll give her the keys. I'm meeting him in a few hours. Another thing I want to add is that I had made a lot of contingency plans in the event that somehow, someway my marriage wouldn't last before I got married. Divorce is high in my area, so I didn't delude myself into thinking my marriage was somehow special. Some of those plans were in both our favours, some were exclusively mine. I won't say any more on that until I'm sure the route I'm heading in is the right one by talking to my lawyer. The at-fault divorce might not mean anything here. Hell, the courts may favour her, I get that, and I'll confirm with my lawyer what proper course of action to take. But I made sure to protect my assets before we took the plunge. My deceased parents left me a substantial amount of money. I have made a lot of money and I'll be damned if she even touches it with hands that have been in god knows where.

I don't know about the var, I'll confirm that as well.

I've backed up everything and sent my attorney the illicit details for him to figure out. I'm busy with the financial records and bank accounts. We only have one joint account established for my daughter's future. We were planning a joint account to share our income. She wanted it pretty desperately. Thank the lord I didn't agree to it. Yes, he's a good lawyer with an established reputation, bloody expensive too.

Monster is coming on Saturday at aprox 4 in the afternoon. 

I'll take my daughter to a health centre later today.

I will play everything by the book. I do not want anything I do from here on out to give her any sort of advantage. Throughout our relationship all she really thought about was herself. The parties the drinking the business trips with guy friends. I was a freaking idiot to trust her.

If I have to pay her child support, I will. My daughter is my number one. I'd die for her.




> I remember a thread from a few years ago here or on SI of a man from England whose wife cheated on him, got pregnant from her boss, moved in with him, taking the children. She made the divorce take forever, was continually asking for more and by the time the divorce was finalized the poor BS was financially ruined but relieved the horrible WW and her awful boss were out of his life.
> 
> Do not do anything without your lawyer's approval, it may come back to be used against you. Put the old locks back on, or give your wife a key to the new locks. Put cameras and VARs around the house to protect yourself. Do not expose the cheating unless and until your lawyer advises you to.
> 
> Get the papers written up now, have them ready for when she gets home. Tell her you know what she has been up to, and that you have proof, but don't tell her any details about what you know. Let her wonder and fear so she will not make the divorce more difficult.
> 
> Do not go on a vacation or leave your child with the grandparents. It could be seen as abandonment by the court. Be present, steady, document EVERYTHING. You have no idea how your WW might try to get even with you in order to protect herself and get her own way.


Hell no that's not happening. I'm not someone who will be played for a fool. I didn't get to where I am by letting people walk all over me. I'm a man of my word. I told her cheating would be the end of our relationship. I told her if I found out she ever betrayed me with any of the guy friends she hanged out with, she better live with them, because I'm not taking her back.

Despite my disgust in her, I do not want her to suffer, but by the time I'm through, she might very well.

I'm holding off exposing until I know for sure what my likely outcome in this will be. Like I said, I need her to keep that job. She needs to support herself because I will not.


----------



## Lostinthought61

Tell me about her boss....married, single? If married can you get to his wife and show her the evidence? Also does she have family? You might be able to use that as leverage if she makes it ugly for you...the last thing that her parents want to see is their daughter in her own private sex video. 
Also use it as leverage with her with HR. If she signs off with no trouble than walk from her completely.....but do go after the boss wife if he is married. Lastly I would not confront her, but I would send her a text when she lands with some screen shots of a video, and tell her you pack her bags and she can pick them up at your house, and that you are divorcing her cheat butt. 

I am sorry you find yourself here.


----------



## SuperDad

The boss is married.


----------



## Kamstel

You are doing great!!! 

Good luck with the lawyer today.


----------



## RWB

SuperDad said:


> I'm angry as hell...


Apparent.


----------



## Lifesontheup

Sorry to see you here. 

Divorce is very different in the UK and most of the time they favour the mother and its a 50/50 split. Not sure what you had set up, but I hope it was legally documented or otherwise you will have problems. You cannot throw her out whether you want to or not as you are still married. Speak to your solicitor as he will guide you.


----------



## Chaparral

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the replies. Writing it out helped a bit and I do plan on sticking around. I feel this crap is gonna get real messy soon.
> 
> About telling her HR. Could it cost her her job? I need her to keep it. There's no way I'm risking paying her anything because she can't support herself.


This is strictly an issue to discuss with your lawyer. At fault usually means they get nothing no matter what. Losing one’s job because of infidelity means they are treated like they can get an equal job. Even in no fault states judges aren’t likely to reward cheaters.


----------



## Goose54

Send the vids to OBS before they return tomorrow. If you can squeeze that into your plans but she NEEDS to know.


----------



## MattMatt

Share this image with your daughter, @SuperDad! 










As soon as I saw your name, I immediately thought of SuperTed, and then when it transpired you are in Wales I had to smile to myself! 

"Cymru am byth!" as my Welsh family members would say. And as my late very Welsh granny did say!

(SuperTed was the first Welsh superhero.)


----------



## Chaparral

EleGirl said:


> Yep, she can lose her job, most likely will. You might be best not telling his wife until the divorce is final.
> 
> Even then, after the divorce, she might be fired and might be able to come after you for more child support.


In my state they don’t give a damn what happened to your job or why. You pay or go to jail. If you your lucky you can get work release. I still have not heard of a single case where the court rewarded someone for getting fired or quiting their job. 

As a matter of fact, here they pay the state and the state pays the child support. You pay the state or you do time. You pay jail costs too.


----------



## thedope

You need to tell that other dudes wife. Imagine if she knew and didn’t tell you.

I’d do it before they came back. You should do it in person. Offer to show her the video.


----------



## Chaparral

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for the helpful posts. I'm keeping together. Don't have a lot of time.
> 
> Should I confront her when she gets back?


I would send her a copy of the video just so she could enjoy the ride home.


----------



## Chaparral

SuperDad said:


> Dammit, I have to get my daughter tested? What a nightmare. I'll schedule a screening for STDs and HIV. The more I realise I need to do, the more I hate this woman.


Her computer needs to be checked to see how far back her affair/affairs started. In this case the DNA test isn’t just to show the cheater how low they have sunk.


----------



## Taxman

Sir, speaking from experience in these matters, I would like to suggest a strategy on a go forward basis. You have video evidence, and that can be used as leverage. You do not want spousal support, and if custody is a questionable subject, the threat of exposure to ruin both the boss and her, and exposure to friends and family can be used to get a more favorable settlement. Be careful with terms of settlement, as most attorneys will put in a gag order, which, if you are a vengeful individual, you ask for much much more. If her lawyer is not that smart, you wait until you have a settlement engraved in stone and then go about destroying their lives.

You seem to be a smart and take charge individual, and this is a time where the brain does not exactly work well. See your lawyer, get as much from her as is humanly possible. If it is possible to ruin the boss, without compromising your settlement, then do so with extreme prejudice. (I do suggest that his wife be contacted. One of my clients became fast friends with the OMS. In short order he obtained enough for criminal charges against the boss, which put the OM in jail for ten years. I hope he had a jail-house romance.)

As far as confrontation, blindside her, let her find out that you know while she is in mid-air or just landing. Have the bailiff serve her divorce papers on arrival at the airport. Have the court order full custody to you and then take your daughter with you to your new job in England. Enjoy. You are young, prosperous, and you will do well. Forget the wife. She is not worth one more moment of your time.


----------



## personofinterest

Chaparral said:


> In my state they don’t give a damn what happened to your job or why. You pay or go to jail. If you your lucky you can get work release. I still have not heard of a single case where the court rewarded someone for getting fired or quiting their job.
> 
> As a matter of fact, here they pay the state and the state pays the child support. You pay the state or you do time. You pay jail costs too.


Guys, he is in the UK. Reading is important.


----------



## bandit.45

I suggest everyone read the multitude of threads from the many British men who have come to TAM. To a man, they all went through hell on earth fighting a parochial, antiquated British legal system that does not recognize fathers' rights at all. Not even a 50/50 split of common assets is a guarantee, even when the WW makes more money.

I know I harp on this subject a lot, but it seriously pisses me off how men are treated in GB.


----------



## SuperDad

Thanks for the help. I'm in Wales. And yes, the UK favours women in the legal system concerning divorce. I'm hardly concerned since I have a plan which I'm currently running with my atorney. I'm busy. But I'll keep you posted.


----------



## Noble1

Sorry to hear about your situation.

Nothing to add except for support in your actions.

It is good to see a betrayed spouse with their head on and doing what needs to be ultimately done.

Wish you the best outcome possible.

Good luck.


----------



## TDSC60

Does the UK have a "cooling off" period like many jurisdictions in the USA where you have to be separated for 12 months before you can file for D?

I have heard it can take years to toss the garbage out.


----------



## Suspicious1

Noble1 said:


> Sorry to hear about your situation.
> 
> Nothing to add except for support in your actions.
> 
> It is good to see a betrayed spouse with their head on and doing what needs to be ultimately done.
> 
> Wish you the best outcome possible.
> 
> Good luck.


Agree, a healthy dose of anger is definitely necessary for a quick break!

I've seen too many men make excuses take on blame and feeling sorry for the WW.

Just this passed Sunday my ex wife text me about some concerns she had with our 25 year old daughter. 
The last time I spoke to her was over 7 years ago! I can speak to my kids on my own, but thought I could listen to what she had to say.
She asked when can we talk, I reply with a simple we can talk now, what's your concern?

We divorced 20 years ago, and I still refuse to be her chat buddy, or the courtesy of picking up the phone so she can hear my voice.

I'm done with her.

S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Lifesontheup

TDSC60 said:


> Does the UK have a "cooling off" period like many jurisdictions in the USA where you have to be separated for 12 months before you can file for D?
> 
> I have heard it can take years to toss the garbage out.


No.

You can divorce when your marriage has broken down - known as irretrievable breakdown. You can petition that adultery has taken place, or that unreasonable behaviour has happened. Your solicitor is the best to advise what grounds you need to put in order to get the first part of the divorce granted. Also, you can divorce after a 2 year seperation but need partners consent. Though to be honest, partner can contest for adultery or unreasonable behaviour and run up your solicitors bill :frown2:

Mine was contested even though he was the adulterer - long story but got there in the end!


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## BarbedFenceRider

When the OBS gets the image of her hubby cumming on WW's ring finger....

*Golden

UK laws or not...Me thinks that household not to fun to be in!!!!


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## Adelais

I don't know about Wales, but in the case of the English BH I was speaking about, it made no difference that his WW had committed adultery. She even showed up at court with the OM, in her 9th month of pregnancy, smirking the entire time. I don't remember all the details, but the judge didn't give her everything she wanted, and tried to keep it "fair." She stopped smirking when she didn't get absolutely everything. She got way too much though.

The BH suffered for months with her demands, goading, false accusations, police showing up at his door because she accused him of abusing the children, or something else. The police eventually realized she was a mean nutcase, but it caused a lot of unnecessary stress in the BH's life anyway. 

I'm telling you this because if the laws in Wales are anything like Britain, your wife, if she is scheming, can make your life miserable if you make any mistakes, and if you don't put a very tall wall around yourself. She can drain your finances with frivolous claims through her lawyer, requiring your lawyer to counter them...costing you money for every hour.

I was amazed at how the law was in her favor, and the BS had no protection, except through his lawyer, who cost a fortune.

Get your divorce quickly before she has time to dig in her heels and get nasty.


----------



## No Longer Lonely Husband

Use the element of surprise. I would send a text letting her know about the ring video and it is swing sent to his wife. Also, mention in it she no longer has a home while she is in flight and her phone will most likely be in airplane mode. 

Then when she lands and activated phone to quote the most famous US Marine Gomer Pyle ,”Surprise,surprise surprise”!

You STBXW is one demented woman. She deserves what is coming to her. 

As for her boss make his life miserable.


----------



## Kamstel

How are you doing?


----------



## collin8550

Try to copy the entire hard drive on the computer. It may have deleted emails and all kind of stuff that the lawyer can help extract.

And like everyone said, keep calm and don't do anything stupid. Resist the urge to confront her until everything is set for you to go. And as soon as you confront her, immediately tell the boss's wife before your wife can call and tell him to be prepared. You have to be ready to spring all your plans in to action as soon as you tell her, before she has time to react and get revenge on you. And try to think of anything she could do to get revenge on you, and be prepared for it.


----------



## GusPolinski

Not sure if anyone has caught onto it, but given the way that OP has been spelling certain words, I’m guessing that he lives on the other side of the Atlantic, and probably in merry olde England.

Given that alone, I’d advise him against doing anything too rash, as Anglostan has some pretty aggressive “anti-harassment” laws on the books.


----------



## Chaparral

GusPolinski said:


> Not sure if anyone has caught onto it, but given that OP has been spelling certain words, I’m guessing that he lives on the other side of the Atlantic, and probably in merry olde England.
> 
> Given that alone, I’d advise him against doing anything too rash, as Anglostan has some pretty aggressive “anti-harassment” laws on the books.


I would advise him to keep everything under his hat. Having the video in the UK may mean jail time. There is no justic for men at all. Custody is a nightmare. 

Do not tell her you have copies of the video until your lawyer says you can. Touching her computer over there may be the death penalty.

Marriage in the UK is extortion 101.


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## Kamstel

He lives in Wales


----------



## SuperDad

I'm fairly okay thanks for asking. Struggling keeping my emotions in check. The divorce is a go, but it's going to take a far longer time than I anticipated to be over and done with. I'm looking at a min 5 months to a year if she gets nasty.

Taxman, you sound just like my lawyer. We have a lot of leverage on her and I'm planning in using everything.

I did mention I made plans for this sort of thing. Since I've talked it out with my lawyer, here is the deal:

We had signed a prenup before we married. My wife hated the idea, but it was the only way I was going to marry. I colleague, who is much older than myself, told me to protect myself and parents' inheretence in anyway I can. He went through a nasty divorce and lost everything. I was not taking that chance, even if I loved and trusted my wife, I'm more of a better safe than sorry kind of guy.

The agreement was fair to each of us. If I screwed up, she would get a nice settlement from me since I'm the main bread winner. But if she screwed up (meaning adultery SPECIFICALLY) she get's NOTHING from me. She can and will most likely still get child support, but I'm keeping my money.

The video evidence will be used as leverage for sure. I'm planning on planting the seeds in her head with as little detail as I can to ensure that she makes this process easy. The more confused she is about what's going on, the better this will be for me. My attorney is ready for a fight. Hopefully I'll be one of the few gentlemen in the UK who didn't lose this fight. Well, at least I'm not losing too much if it pans out as planned.

I'll need to let her in the house in order for her to take her stuff and make reservations elsewhere. Keeping her out, even if I legally own the home, would not go in my favour if she had no clue about it.

Var is a go. It is crucial if I want to come out of this with little damage to my reputation and possibly suffering false accusations that I get evidence that I'm not abusing anyone or anything. I already have cameras around my house from two years ago after an attempted burglary.

She is going to fight this. That's the type of person she is. But I have a lot against her. There's no guarantee it will go my way. Some of it will depend on her and her possible lawyer's ignorance.

Trust me, when this is over I'm blowing up their worlds regardless of their circumstances.

Took my daughter to get checked. Expecting the results in a few days to two weeks.

My lord, I am exhausted.

Who is OBS? I'm seeing that a lot.


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## seadoug105

SuperDad said:


> Who is OBS?


Other Betrayed Spouse

The OM's wife...


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## Suspicious1

SuperDad said:


> I'm fairly okay thanks for asking. Struggling keeping my emotions in check. The divorce is a go, but it's going to take a far longer time than I anticipated to be over and done with. I'm looking at a min 5 months to a year if she gets nasty.
> 
> Taxman, you sound just like my lawyer. We have a lot of leverage on her and I'm planning in using everything.
> 
> I did mention I made plans for this sort of thing. Since I've talked it out with my lawyer, here is the deal:
> 
> We had signed a prenup before we married. My wife hated the idea, but it was the only way I was going to marry. I colleague, who is much older than myself, told me to protect myself and parents' inheretence in anyway I can. He went through a nasty divorce and lost everything. I was not taking that chance, even if I loved and trusted my wife, I'm more of a better safe than sorry kind of guy.
> 
> The agreement was fair to each of us. If I screwed up, she would get a nice settlement from me since I'm the main bread winner. But if she screwed up (meaning adultery SPECIFICALLY) she get's NOTHING from me. She can and will most likely still get child support, but I'm keeping my money.
> 
> The video evidence will be used as leverage for sure. I'm planning on planting the seeds in her head with as little detail as I can to ensure that she makes this process easy. The more confused she is about what's going on, the better this will be for me. My attorney is ready for a fight. Hopefully I'll be one of the few gentlemen in the UK who didn't lose this fight. Well, at least I'm not losing too much if it pans out as planned.
> 
> I'll need to let her in the house in order for her to take her stuff and make reservations elsewhere. Keeping her out, even if I legally own the home, would not go in my favour if she had no clue about it.
> 
> Var is a go. It is crucial if I want to come out of this with little damage to my reputation and possibly suffering false accusations that I get evidence that I'm not abusing anyone or anything. I already have cameras around my house from two years ago after an attempted burglary.
> 
> She is going to fight this. That's the type of person she is. But I have a lot against her. There's no guarantee it will go my way. Some of it will depend on her and her possible lawyer's ignorance.
> 
> Trust me, when this is over I'm blowing up their worlds regardless of their circumstances.
> 
> Took my daughter to get checked. Expecting the results in a few days to two weeks.
> 
> My lord, I am exhausted.
> 
> Who is OBS? I'm seeing that a lot.


O.B.S= other betray spouse 


Brother, I have to admit it I'll a little scared for you hearing the other posters write about English laws especially pertaining to divorce. Not sure why any men would take such a chance if things are so against them. 

I guess there are cases that makes it necessary. 

Good luck

S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

OBS other betrayed spouse


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## Lostinthought61

Did the lawyer provide you with the best way to inform her of your actions and the evidence?


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## MattMatt

GusPolinski said:


> Not sure if anyone has caught onto it, but given that OP has been spelling certain words, I’m guessing that he lives on the other side of the Atlantic, and probably in merry olde England.
> 
> Given that alone, I’d advise him against doing anything too rash, as Anglostan has some pretty aggressive “anti-harassment” laws on the books.


He has stated he is living in Wales, which is a small mountainous country just to the left of England.


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## honcho

SuperDad said:


> We had signed a prenup before we married.
> 
> .


In today's divorce happy culture prenups should be the norm, not the rarity. Great move having that in place. Even if she wants to fight she will have a tough time working around a prenup.


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## Cynthia

honcho said:


> In today's divorce happy culture prenups should be the norm, not the rarity. Great move having that in place. Even if she wants to fight she will have a tough time working around a prenup.


Unfortunately I agree with this.


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## hoblob

MattMatt said:


> He has stated he is living in Wales, which is a small mountainous country just to the left of England.


Country? Is it really. You Brits and your weird nations/territories. 
For us Americans, Wales is like the West Virginia /Kentucky with a ton of coal and a weird language. 

Hang in there super dad. Great idea with the prenup.


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## TheDudeLebowski

SuperDad said:


> And yes, the UK favours women in the legal system concerning divorce.


Is there anywhere that doesn't?


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## BruceBanner

SuperDad said:


> There will be no reconciliation. I want the monster gone, but I need to protect my kid. Whatever happens, my kid is my priority.


Are you sure it's even your kid?


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## Suspicious1

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Is there anywhere that doesn't?


Curios.
How are the divorce laws in Saudi Arabia for the ladies these days?

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Lostinthought61

MattMatt said:


> He has stated he is living in Wales, which is a small mountainous country just to the left of England.


Well its Wales is English-Like. >:wink2:


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## TheDudeLebowski

Suspicious1 said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> 
> Is there anywhere that doesn't?
> 
> 
> 
> Curios.
> How are the divorce laws in Saudi Arabia for the ladies these days?
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk
Click to expand...

I should have specified, I'm talking about actual civilized places.


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## Kamstel

You are doing great! Good luck later today when you confront the sl_t!

Be strong!!
Be firm!!

Remember what she has been doing
Remember what she has been doing while on this business trip!!!

Stick to the plan!!!
And enjoy dreaming of the day when you can finally blow her and her [email protected] boss’s world to hell!!!


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## Suspicious1

There's a evolutionary phenomenon that occurs when a couples have spend time away from each other, the man's body goes into sexually over drive to combat any other prior suitors sperm deposit!

With every thing you already may know, don't let yourself be betray in these darkest moments.

You just might find her a tad more beautiful, her sideway glances might be more noticeable and effective than before, her lips a bit rosier tone than usual.

All tricks your caveman brain has reawaken to take what's yours. 

Do not fall for it for one sec, you'll regret it.

So stay angry, hell go look at the video if you need to. Just don't touch her.

You have been warned.

S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Be like a bulldozer. Just plow right over her. No prisoners.


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## ABHale

Should ask as she walks in the door if she made another porn video she wanted to share.


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## ABHale

Or have her video playing on the television when she gets home.


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## TDSC60

Most all ducks should be in line, quacking in time and ready for the big home coming by now. At least I hope they are.

In your first post you say she was arguing with you about her going out to party and have guy friends. That one statement had me seeing a whole Chinese New Year parade of red flags. She has been cheating for a long time. This should make a DNA test to confirm you are the kids father near the top of your list. With you taking an STD test a close second.


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## Kamstel

I know that she is due back in about 3 hours....

Just wanted to wish you luck.

Be strong!!

Don’t give an inch!!!

She is beneath you!!!

She never understood what Love is!!!

The only person as low as her is the scumbag boss!!!



You will make it out of hell


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## Rubix Cubed

Probably too late, but don't confront at all. Let the D papers do the talking for you, and also let her wonder how much you do know by not telling her any of the details. There is far more than you know about, so let her spill the beans, while you are moving on.

Once the dust clears and you divorce is final and in the books, and settlements reached, then destroy her boss through HR, and if she becomes unemployed as a result, those are the consequences. Just make sure it won't cost you more in support.


----------



## Chaparral

hoblob said:


> Country? Is it really. You Brits and your weird nations/territories.
> For us Americans, Wales is like the West Virginia /Kentucky with a ton of coal and a weird language.
> 
> Hang in there super dad. Great idea with the prenup.


Humpf! No more Bourbon for you and stay off our Bourbon trail! 

Hold your nose and try some Scotch. You know, the stuff they make with our old bourbon barrels and smells like a medicine cabinet. Hahahahahacoughhahahaha!> 

And don’t be thinking about riding our horses or Corvettes either, among other things.!!!!!!


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## VladDracul

Deleted. Already addressed.


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## TDSC60

Exposure of coworker affairs to job site is a way to end the affair. Most of the time it is done in haste and done by the betrayed before they think through what they want.

Since the OP knows the marriage is toast and since he has made up his mind to end it officially, there is no point in job exposure and it could hurt him financially during the divorce. He might be able to use the videos as leverage during the divorce. 

Make a calm plan with a shark lawyer and stick to it. An old wise man told me years ago that one of the hardest things for a human to do is keep their mouth shut.

Your wife is now your enemy, Keep your mouth shut. Don't warn her of the shyte storm you are about to unleash. Let the lawyer do all the talking. If you can keep her out of the house, I would do it. With her around you are likely to blow up at her. If you have to let her in then make sure you have security cameras or a VAR on you at all times to protect yourself against false violence charges.

EDIT: Somehow I missed your post telling about the prenup and all the preparations you have made in concert with your lawyer for her homecoming. Ignore all the above. Sounds like you have all the bases covered (does cricket have bases like baseball?). Never mind. I wish all men had your strength and attitude.


----------



## TOMTEFAR

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Is there anywhere that doesn't?


Yes, Sweden doesn't. Its 50/50 in everything. You need to prove the other parent unfit to change it.

Also, there is no allimony in Sweden. Everyone is responsible for their own income.


----------



## TDSC60

TOMTEFAR said:


> Yes, Sweden doesn't. Its 50/50 in everything. You need to prove the other parent unfit to change it.
> 
> Also, there is no allimony in Sweden. Everyone is responsible for their own income.


Really? How about spousal support when only one spouse is the breadwinner and the other is a stay-at-home parent? Does the breadwinner have to support the stay-at-home for a reasonable period until they can find employment?


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## personofinterest

OP, it is probably late night where you are, and your wife arrived home. I don't know what today held, but I want you to know I have thought of you and hope you are okay. I imagine it has been a very painful and surreal day.


----------



## TDSC60

I forgot a couple of things I wanted to warn you about.

Cancel any joint credit cards you have immediately. You could be liable for any debt she piles up after you kick her out.

Change any life insurance you have into a trust for a close relative for you child's future (assuming she is you child).

Remove half the money out of any joint bank accounts immediately.

If your wife has access to, or tied to, any of your bank accounts. I have several bank accounts and investment accounts in my name alone, but I was sent a form to tell the company who might be an individual who can have rights to information about what I have and also who is the beneficiary in the event or my death. Open new accounts and transfer funds.

If she is on your phone plan - drop her. Let her get her own.

I probably missed where others have mentioned these, but it never hurts to be reminded.


----------



## SuperDad

I forgot to say, MatMat, I shared the image with my daughter. 

Well guys it's done. The wheels are in motion and I successfully kicked her out of the house. OM (is that correct?) called me a few minutes ago with threats and bribery. They know I can expose the both of them. They're ****ting themselves. OM is in charge of a pretty big company. He has a lot to lose.

Monster did the typical cheaters thing and lied then begged and begged and begged for another chance and forgiveness. No f'ing way. I am not stupid.

Will give you a full update soon. There's a lot more to this than I realised. And I'm pretty much suffering emotionally.

Yes, monster is enemy number one.


----------



## TDSC60

SuperDad said:


> I forgot to say, MatMat, I shared the image with my daughter.
> 
> Well guys it's done. The wheels are in motion and I successfully kicked her out of the house. OM (is that correct?) called me a few minutes ago with threats and bribery. They know I can expose the both of them. They're ****ting themselves. OM is in charge of a pretty big company. He has a lot to lose.
> 
> Monster did the typical cheaters thing and lied then begged and begged and begged for another chance and forgiveness. No f'ing way. I am not stupid.
> 
> Will give you a full update soon. There's a lot more to this than I realised. And I'm pretty much suffering emotionally.
> 
> Yes, monster is enemy number one.


Outstanding.

Now talk to your lawyer about a possible law suit against OM or the company for damages to your marriage and your child's future as a result of his actions. 

You are now in the driver's seat. OM will talk your wife into giving you anything you ask for to keep you from going to the company with the info.

Get into some IC to help get through this.


----------



## BluesPower

TDSC60 said:


> Outstanding.
> 
> Now talk to your lawyer about a possible law suit against OM or the company for damages to your marriage and your child's future as a result of his actions.
> 
> You are now in the driver's seat. OM will talk your wife into giving you anything you ask for to keep you from going to the company with the info.
> 
> Get into some IC to help get through this.


I have to agree with this post. And I know I am a bad person, but I cannot wait to hear all crap that OM and his WW says. Particularly, what does WW think she can possibly say to justify this stuff? The Videos? 

And yes I will relish hearing about Her and her OM's life blow into a million pieces, which is just what they both deserve...


----------



## Marc878

Check your local VAR laws. I’d record everything from OM


----------



## VladDracul

SuperDad said:


> Monster did the typical cheaters thing and lied then begged and begged and begged for another chance and forgiveness. No f'ing way. I am not stupid.


If you decide to " save my marriage" there are two things you need to do. First, have a solid plan on how you're going to handle it this time. Second, have a solid plan on how youre going to handle it next time. 
BTW, the symbolism of the ring thing gives a crystal clear picture of how she really feels about the marriage.


----------



## SuperDad

There is no marriage to save. Who would want to save this?


----------



## Sparta

When you give us the full update, please tell us everything they say I can’t wait to hear how delusional and pathetic they are... they deserve each other. They’re both pieces of sh!t...


----------



## SA2017

SuperDad said:


> I forgot to say, MatMat, I shared the image with my daughter.
> 
> Well guys it's done. The wheels are in motion and I successfully kicked her out of the house. OM (is that correct?) called me a few minutes ago with threats and bribery. They know I can expose the both of them. They're ****ting themselves. OM is in charge of a pretty big company. He has a lot to lose.
> 
> Monster did the typical cheaters thing and lied then begged and begged and begged for another chance and forgiveness. No f'ing way. I am not stupid.
> 
> Will give you a full update soon. There's a lot more to this than I realised. And I'm pretty much suffering emotionally.
> 
> Yes, monster is enemy number one.




the other man will drop her like a hot potatoes and she will wake up. I NEVER understand why cheater destroy their good lives! NEVER. 


And WHY would he threat YOU? with what kind of threats? is he stupid? he has no place and rights to threat you. does he has a wife? if so, please let her know what is going on so she KNOWS. poor woman.


----------



## SA2017

SuperDad said:


> There is no marriage to save. Who would want to save this?



you will never forget WHAT you SAW even if you wanted too. she was pretty bold to save this crap on her laptop. what did she think???


----------



## personofinterest

How old is your daughter?


----------



## skerzoid

SuperDad said:


> I forgot to say, MatMat, I shared the image with my daughter.
> 
> Well guys it's done. The wheels are in motion and I successfully kicked her out of the house. OM (is that correct?) called me a few minutes ago with threats and bribery. They know I can expose the both of them. They're ****ting themselves. OM is in charge of a pretty big company. He has a lot to lose.
> 
> Monster did the typical cheaters thing and lied then begged and begged and begged for another chance and forgiveness. No f'ing way. I am not stupid.
> 
> Will give you a full update soon. There's a lot more to this than I realised. And I'm pretty much suffering emotionally.
> 
> Yes, monster is enemy number one.


SuperDad: Excellent action. Remember, Strength, Courage, Decisiveness.

1. Since the other man is the boss of the company, be careful till the divorce goes into effect. *He is going to try to dump the Monster as soon as possible.* If he dumps it, have it file a sexual harassment suit. He has put himself in deep, deep, deep cow manure with this. His threats and bribes show he understands this. You don't want it destitute. You want it to not need anything financially from you. *The boss dumps it, you got him by the short hairs. * 

2. You should have alerted the Boss's wife unless you want to use this as another negotiable. This guy is really F'ed. This should be really satisfying. Hope you let us watch. I love to watch the karma bus run over people like this. I want to know there is still some justice in the world.

3. The monster should really be afraid of you getting more than 50/50 custody. You are in the driver's seat on this one.

4. I know that the sadness is hitting you like a freight train. You have been so busy preparing for this that now you will be in a type of post-partum depression. *Remember, when you feel weak and want it back, remember the monster's hilarity at his ejaculation on the symbol of your marriage.* (I hope you told it about seeing that). You understand why the monster kept the videos, right? To get itself off....

5. These creatures are not "in love" or even capable of love. You are going to have your pick of women. *This time "choose wisely".*


----------



## sa58

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

First and most important take care 
of yourself. Your kid needs you strong and
healthy. You will get over this. You will !!

Second glad to hear about your prenup.
She doesn't get anything but the boot out 
the door and your life. Sounds like she deserves 
it and the OM. She did the typical cheater
routine lie, lie and then beg and lie some more.

Third protect yourself now from both of them.
Record every conversation with her and him.
Video on your cell and any other way you can.
If he has a large company and she knows what is
coming they may get desperate. Cheaters not only 
lie and beg for a second chance, some lie on their betrayed
spouse also. If he or she tries anything record it.

She will try something else soon I have no doubt about
it. Probably thinks you need time to calm down and cool off.
Do not become upset just be cold and devious like she is .
Do not give her any excuse to blame you, ( angry, upset etc)
I agree with you there is nothing here to save as far as the marriage.
Please do not worry about how long this has been going on and why.
She will never be truthful with you. 

Remember now that you have exposed them for the crap they are
protect yourself. Tell his spouse also that may keep him busy
and away from you. She deserves to know what a a## he is.

He will probably dump her really quick now just send her back
to him. Tell him you wanted her you got her!!


----------



## JustWavingNotDrowning

Hi Superdad

Really sorry to read of your ordeal. You are getting some great practical advice but be guided by your solicitor on the legal matters. Broadly from my own experience in England I can tell you:
- divorce in the legal system of England and Wales is a relatively simple procedure that you can look up and follow in a series of forms and guides published on the Court Service web site. If both parties agree, you can actually divorce each other without solicitors. Separation and consent after 2 years is one of the five ways. I actually got my ex wife to admit to adultery and she signed the form to that effect (she wanted out of our marriage) which meant it went through in about 12 weeks.​- stepping into a divorce court for a confrontation in front of a judge is the last thing you want to do. Your solicitor (and your wife's) will try really hard to get you both to agree beforehand so that all the court is doing is upholding the agreements you've already made. If you force a judge to actually make a decision based on "evidence", the outcome will be expensive and unpredictable. My wife's first husband forced everything into a high court action in which he "won" both houses, only half the debts he had incurred and left her penniless with two teenage children. Yes gentlemen in the US, the ladies here in "Anglostan" (seriously, fella) do get the smelly end of the **** stick too.​- reaching an agreement over the welfare of your daughter will be absolutely critical. Your assets and the division of assets plays into that depending on who gets custody of her. I suspect this is where your solicitor will earn their money. My wife's kids were old enough to decide to stay with their mum so she never had to tangle with the Family Court. From what I do understand (cousin was a solicitor in family law), this is what costs Dad.​- you sound as though you have good control of yourself, have a good support network and most importantly have a plan. Please do what you need to, rely on whoever and what ever to avoid behaviour that could be used against you over custody of your daughter. I would count in this: 


losing your temper (an assault charge or threats of violence)

caught bugging a conversation (voice activated recorder) could be seen in legal papers as "controlling", "threatening" or just "weird" even if you don't find the police investigating

releasing the video of your wife and boss to anyone

doing anything that a court might see as obstructive or unhelpful in complying with procedures and so on
- document and record everything. If you think something negative is going to kick off, make sure you have witnesses. If you ever do have to provide corroborating statements on anything, even your best friend's statement is better than nothing.​Every solicitor I know, have worked with or have engaged says that you have to treat what ever you are doing in relation to the law as a game. They don't mean to trivialise it; it's that a game has a set rules that you follow to an outcome. Don't follow the rules and you don't get to play anymore. The best outcome is you get everything you want. However, in the more likely event you don't get that, will you be able to say to yourself you did everything you could (controlled your temper, took the higher road, played the gentleman) so that you can live with the outcome you did get? 

It's worth remembering that if your wife loves her boss or just wants out of your marriage, she talks to a solicitor and discovers just how much "fighting" might cost her (no legal aid if she is working and you pay your own costs in divorce), you might find she might become more amenable to negotiation. I can guarantee that if she is impatient and impulsive she will eventually be ground down by the processes you have to go through. Maybe encouraging her to see a solicitor herself might introduce some "sense". If not getting the first legal bill will! 

I understand completely how hard it is to "play a game" when all you want to do is rage at the world but do that after you get the outcome. My wife fu**ed our boss (we all worked together) and had been at it probably since they first met. In a "dawn of the internet"/pre-mobile age I only found out because a colleague who had travelled with them before "accidentally" let slip that they had only booked one room in the hotel (not a lot of approval from the workforce on that front). I had to wait a week to confront her. The price of their happiness was that I was to disappear from the company (he part owned it). The only problem was I didn't want to comply so we carried on working together for another three years. When I left it was a vastly better job in far better circumstances (London, Paris and Europe wide). By that time he faced bankruptcy, her career had tanked and she had clinical depression (Years later she killed herself). My point is I managed to hold it together long enough to get what I needed out of it. I was 30 when I moved on. From the way you write it seems as though you have all that it takes to keep putting one foot in front of the other to move towards your goal. 

You seem like a bloke who has it together, you have a plan and you are taking action. You are in a better place than certainly was and I survived to thrive. You will too. Please look after your physical and mental well-being for your daughter's sake if not your own so you get through this a fast as possible. I thought being cheated on was the hardest thing ever until it happened with another wife. I wish you the best of luck.


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## Chaparral

Get into counseling quickly. Go to the gym and work out with weights. Talk to you family doctor, he may offer some temporary medical help.

This blow is like losing a close relative. Even worse. Get in touch with your parents and/or other folks close to you for support.

You are on a roller coaster now with very bad ups and downs. The good news is divorcing her, moving on and living well will bring you back to a normal happy life. If you decide to reconcile, it willl take four to five years to get to a normal situation and of course, things will never be the same.

Stay strong, don't believe anything she says, lying is in their nature.


----------



## lucy999

SuperDad said:


> I forgot to say, MatMat, I shared the image with my daughter.


Wait. Did you show the video to your daughter? What "image" do you mean?


----------



## personofinterest

lucy999 said:


> SuperDad said:
> 
> 
> 
> I forgot to say, MatMat, I shared the image with my daughter.
> 
> 
> 
> Wait. Did you show the video to your daughter? What "image" do you mean?
Click to expand...

Surely he didnt mean he was inexcusably stupid enough to show his young child pornography of his wife, there by using his daughters pain and confusion to stick to cheating mom.

No way anyone with character would do that....or excuse it.


----------



## Suspicious1

Marc878 said:


> Check your local VAR laws. I’d record everything from OM


Yes or get a recording app for your cell, everything gets recorded and can be sent to your computer.

I have Total Recall, very nice app.

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## cp3o

lucy999 and personofinterest

See post 76


----------



## Suspicious1

personofinterest said:


> Surely he didnt mean he was inexcusably stupid enough to show his young child pornography of his wife, there by using his daughters pain and confusion to stick to cheating mom.
> 
> No way anyone with character would do that....or excuse it.


I believe he meant him and his daughter look like each other. 

He's speaking English which might be the reason we're not completely understanding! 

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

TDSC60 said:


> Outstanding.
> 
> Now talk to your lawyer about a possible law suit against OM or the company for damages to your marriage and your child's future as a result of his actions.
> 
> You are now in the driver's seat. OM will talk your wife into giving you anything you ask for to keep you from going to the company with the info.
> 
> Get into some IC to help get through this.


So he had the audacity to threaten you?!! Shows what an arrogant son of a ***** he is, as well as a desperate piece of ****.
Watch your “6” Superdad as desperate people are prone to act irrationally. Document what he did, and I would let your solicitor
Contact him via letter to stand down or this gets exposed to his superiors >. @TDSC60 is spot on with his advice. I would make them miserable and by all means do thinks to mess with their minds. You are in the drivers seat. Why in the world would
He threaten you knowing you have the videos? He is beyond stupid.


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## notmyrealname4

@SuperDad


Do whatever your attorney advises you to do, in all matters.


But, as soon as possible [without hurting your own divorce proceedings], let the other man's wife know that her husband is cheating on her. Ask your attorney when it is safe to do this.


If the other man is cheating on his wife with your wife; he may have been cheating on her with other women too.

She deserves to know for many reasons; but the one that always springs to my mind is that she has possibly been exposed to God knows how many STI pathogens.


I hope your daughter is "your" daughter in the physical sense. Did you get the results from the DNA testing yet? Either way, you are the only father she has ever known. And though you are in your rights to withdraw support from her if she is not physically yours; please consider that this little girl did not cheat on you. Choice is yours of course; and if she is not yours, it's understandable that you might not want to raise her. This is a matter where I project my own past into things, so I'm biased. Don't know what to say really. Rotten for you, rotten for the little girl. Your "wife" is a disgrace.

=====================================


@lucy999 the "image" OP showed his daughter was of the Welsh super-hero teddy bear. NOT the images of his wife and her boss having sex. [Yikes!!]:surprise:


----------



## lucy999

cp3o said:


> lucy999 and personofinterest
> 
> See post 76


 Oh, sheesh. I read that the first time and totally glossed over it. Thank you.


----------



## 269370

cp3o said:


> lucy999 and personofinterest
> 
> See post 76


That looks like cartoon porn to me.


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## Etomidate

Take the OM’s bribe, then if you choose to, expose anyways. What’s he going to do to you? Sue? 😂


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## SentHereForAReason

cp3o said:


> lucy999 and personofinterest
> 
> See post 76


Wow. Context is everything lol. Super Ted!


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## Kamstel

This may sound odd, but congratulations on starting the process of kicking her out of your life!!!

The good news is that the toughest part is now behind you!!

Yes, there will be bad days ahead of you, but they decrease in number and intensity as time goes by!

You are an impressive man. Stay that way. Do not fall for any of its tricks and traps!! As others have said, YOU are now in the driver’s seat! Stay there.

Always keep a VAR on you and follow your lawyer’s advice/directions to the letter!

I look forward to reading your detailed account of what happened. This site needs to read about the actions of strong willed men who refuse to be taken advantaged by lying sl-ts like the monster!!!

Stay strong and use us here to look for advice or just to vent!

Brighter days are just ahead of you!!!


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## personofinterest

lucy999 said:


> cp3o said:
> 
> 
> 
> lucy999 and personofinterest
> 
> See post 76
> 
> 
> 
> Oh, sheesh. I read that the first time and totally glossed over it. Thank you.
Click to expand...

Me too! Good grief!


----------



## TDSC60

SuperDad,

What threats did he make? 

Obviously your Monster called him immediately or just showed up on his door step. I cannot remember - is he married?

Watch your back. Desperate people do desperate things. 

Definitely let your lawyer know he threatened you.

I would text your wife about his threats if they were violent in nature. Although she was probably sitting right beside him when he phoned. Tell her that you have told your lawyer and let the local police know about his threats and if any thing happens to you they are suspects one and two.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

I am going to give you some advice follow a great general Sun Tzu...Baffle them with confusion take them by surprise.


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## ABHale

Make sure your lawyer knows about the threats and bribes.


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## PreRaph

ABHale said:


> Make sure your lawyer knows about the threats and bribes.


Too bad you weren't able to record that phone conversation. Your cheating wife and her cheating lover are in panic mode at the moment. But be wary for what they may plan next.

From now on I'd inform your wife that you will only be communicating with her through your solicitor.


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## SuperDad

Thanks for checking up on me. Can't really sleep, but trying to stay calm. My lawyer knows everything. Hell, the neighbours probably know with how much Monster was yelling. I was calm the whole time. I surprised myself at the confrontation. I friend is over to keep me company because I'm not coping well.

She's sleeping in the guest room. No, I will never sleep with her. She's like a sister. 

OBS wants to see me today. Apparently, OM "told her" what's going on and she just wants to confirm with me. I declined, but she will not stop calling to ask. My lawyer advised me to wait on exposure.

Monster has been calling and leaving text messages nonstop. I think OM dumped her because she sounds hysterical. Her parents even called me because she told them I kicked her out, but lied about why. This crap pisses me off.


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## Marc878

At this time just ignore her. Talk won't get you much.


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## jlg07

Tell her parents (as long as the lawyer agrees...)


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## Goose54

> OBS wants to see me today. Apparently, OM "told her" what's going on and she just wants to confirm with me. I declined, but she will not stop calling to ask. My lawyer advised me to wait on exposure.


Have some empathy for OBS for Christ sake! Imagine if you were in her shoes, you don’t have to expose you evidence but at least confirm. I may only have a few post but been around these boards for years and that IMO is one of the cruelest things I’ve seen, f—k your lawyer, SHE DESERVES TO KNOW.


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## SuperDad

I told OBS that OM was sleeping with Monster, but that's all. She wants to meet me because she wants to know the details.


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## Kamstel

Just sent you a private message 

You are doing great! Remember that the worst part is now behind you.

Where is your child? Is the child with you or monster? 


You mentioned that the in-laws called you. I hope you told them the truth. There is no shame in telling them what their daughter has been doing. Keep your head up. There is no reason for you to be embarrassed. The monster should be, as well as her parents for raising a person who would do this!!!

Once again, sounds like you are doing everything correct. Hang in there.


----------



## Kamstel

Forgot one last piece of advice....
Try to limit all contact with monster as much as possible. And if you do have to communicate with her, ONLY via text, if at all possible. That way you have a written record of everything and she cant make some wild accusation against you


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## Kamstel

What has she been saying to you via text?


You might not want to listen to the voicemails. Listening to sound of her voice might be too difficult 

You want to keep all communication with her to be as business like as possible. Show as little emotion as possible


----------



## Kamstel

I hesitate to bring this up right now, but when do you get the paternity results back?


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## Lostinthought61

When her parents calll ask them to ask their daughter if it's okay to show them the video of their daughter having sex with her boss, where she discharge on her wedding ring and she laughs...and then hang- up. Then allow them to have that wonderful family meeting.


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## Lostinthought61

I am surgdprised the wife knows...he must have run scared after talking to you...and knew you would tell her..I would first call your lawyer to call her and advise her, not you.


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## Sparta

@SuperDad Would love to hear all the bull**** that spills out of her mouth please fill us in?


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## oldtruck

To deny the truth to the OBS is cruel. She needs the truth
just as much as you did.


----------



## Nucking Futs

oldtruck said:


> To deny the truth to the OBS is cruel. She needs the truth
> just as much as you did.


You have to be very careful about exposure in the UK, it can really come back to bite you in the ass. Truth is no defense there. While normally I'd be agreeing with the above quote I would never advise someone in the UK to expose without clearing it with his solicitor first. OBS knows about the affair, she can wait a day or two for details so he can run it by his solicitor.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Is there a reason you did not tell her parents why you kicked her out? Are you not concerned that she will tell a bunch of lies, and try to control the narrative?


----------



## skerzoid

SuperDad:

Curiosity killed the cat. *I'm willing to risk it.*

1. How did you confront the Monster? How did it go down?

2. Has it been served yet?

3. As I predicted, it got dumped immediately. If it gets fired, have it threaten a *sexual harassment suit*. Bossman will probably settle out of court. Share the proceedings.

4. Paternity test returned yet? If it's his, more suit material.

5. Have you exposed to friends and family yet?

6. The hysteria is Monster's realization that Plan A & Plan B are gone and it never even thought about a plan C. Panic time. Pre-nup is a nightmare for it.

7. You mentioned that this went deeper than you imagined. Please share.

Just wondering.


----------



## SA2017

Marc878 said:


> At this time just ignore her. Talk won't get you much.




I am disagree with that. he should let her know that the marriage is over and that he is not interested in any kind of making up conversations. If she want to talk she can write an email. this way he has everything written.


sure, she is hysterical now, because she got dumped both ways. her happy life is destroyed within minutes! she should counseling for herself too. both need it (separate) so they can function for their child.


----------



## SA2017

the OM is trying to take your possibilities to threat and he steps forward with some of his truth's. I see what he is doing.
I mean, he knows exactly what video you have because I am sure he has a copy of it too somewhere on his phone or wherever he stored it. Talk to his wife, she must feel terrible just as you feel but she don't know details. at least tell her to check his laptop and phone and so on.


----------



## SunCMars

MattMatt said:


> He has stated he is living in Wales, which is a small mountainous country just to the left of England.


I know...


----------



## sidney2718

I think that we should not be so quick with advice on exposing the affair no matter how good the idea seems. This is especially true for us in the US. The system in the UK is different and the law is not the same as in the US.

The OP should do as his solicitor (have I got that right) tells him.

Why? It would be rather sad if the OP blew up his own case by making a misstep, especially at this stage of the situation.


----------



## personofinterest

sidney2718 said:


> I think that we should not be so quick with advice on exposing the affair no matter how good the idea seems. This is especially true for us in the US. The system in the UK is different and the law is not the same as in the US.
> 
> The OP should do as his solicitor (have I got that right) tells him.
> 
> Why? It would be rather sad if the OP blew up his own case by making a misstep, especially at this stage of the situation.


This. I get that Harley's crew doesn't believe in nuance. But yeah......there's nuance. You arent trying to bust it up. You're trying to protect YOURSELF.

What your lawyer says trumps a forum.


----------



## TOMTEFAR

TDSC60 said:


> Really? How about spousal support when only one spouse is the breadwinner and the other is a stay-at-home parent? Does the breadwinner have to support the stay-at-home for a reasonable period until they can find employment?


Very very seldom the case. It happens from time to time i guesd but i have never met anybody that either got it or had to pay it. We don't realy havemany stay at home parents. 

There is a child support payment that the parent having the largest income pays but i'ts usually a lot below 10% of income.

Basically you are supposed to earn your own money and if you can't we have a very good social wellfare network.

To me the us system seems realy strange and better suited to the early 1900.


----------



## turnera

Lostinthought61 said:


> When her parents calll ask them to ask their daughter if it's okay to show them the video of their daughter having sex with her boss, where she discharge on her wedding ring and she laughs...and then hang- up. Then allow them to have that wonderful family meeting.


I'm not usually vindictive, but I absolutely agree on TELLING them this. Not on showing it to them, but telling them it exists. That will make it REALLY hard for her to get out of this unscathed. And for her sake - as your child's mother - she needs some 'scathing' so that she can hit rock bottom and find some humility and remorse. Her KID needs her to find that. And it won't happen if her family lets her get away with this. Of course, them letting her getting away with things may be WHY she is like this.


----------



## RandomDude

SuperDad said:


> Where to even begin with this **** storm? Here goes:
> 
> Me (28) her (27). Been together for ten years. Married 4 years. Just found out through snooping around that she''s been having an A. How do I know for certain? She took a f'ing video of it. I could not stop watching that **** even if I really tried.
> 
> Never could I imagine my reserved wife would be a pornstar to her boss!!!! WTF??? She was so enthusiastic it made me nauseous. Her boss finished off on her wedding ring and she laughed it off! I am seething and livid. I have never felt such betrayal and rage in my entire life! She is lucky she's on a business trip or I would have torn her head off. We have a 1 year old daughter for Pete''s sake! How the f could she think this was okay?
> 
> There will be no reconciliation. I want the monster gone, but I need to protect my kid. Whatever happens, my kid is my priority.
> 
> I've already changed the locks to my house. Yes, MY house in MY name brought by MY DECEASED PARENT'S INHERENTENCE. All the sacrifices I did for this spoilt monster. I moved heaven and earth for her! I worked my ass off to have a high paying job for US! How could she throw it all away?
> 
> She has no idea I know. She will be arriving from her trip with her ass hole of a boss in two days.
> 
> My M is dead. I don't need anyone telling me otherwise. I loved this woman with every fibre of my being and my love is slowly weakening my resolve to move on. But I'm certain it's over. I'm young, hansome and making a living. I do not have time to waist any more YEARS of my life with this creature. No more. I did everything for her. I was never abusive. I never cheated. Our marriage was amazing! Monster told me so herself! I treated her like she was my queen. She was my one and only! She was my first and only! *I tolerated all the bull**** she gave me about being able to party and having guy friends. Biggest ****ing Mistake of My Life. F her!*
> 
> I'm angry as hell but I have a reign on it. It is absolutely crucial that I'm clinical in finishing what she started. I need advice on what I can do here on out and what to expect from her.
> 
> I've scheduled a meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. I want this **** done ASAP. Not one more breath will be spent on her. The country I'm in has fault divorce and boy oh boy am I going to take monster to the cleaners. She can keep her job, because she's gonna need it.
> 
> My God, the **** I had to go through to come here. I'll definitely need therapy. Those images ain't going nowhere. **** **** **** those images ain't going anywhere.


Time will heal all wounds. This must be devastating and I hope you come out on top.

As for the bolded, now you have learnt, you are right to acknowledge your mistake.

When it comes to relationships never trust a woman who needs attention from other men to feel validated, and isn't willing to sacrifice her freedom for her relationship. Not saying you should forbid the next one from partying and hanging out with guys, but let her make her own decision and you make yours. 

I say this because I have one such employee who is just like your wife, and in the past I was even considering doing what your wife's boss did due to her flirting. Thankfully I decided not to do anything, and it disgusts me now to think about it. I'm not a moral man but I'm glad to have made a moral choice reading your story and the devastation this has caused.


----------



## Emerging Buddhist

Lonely husband 42301 said:


> Is there a reason you did not tell her parents why you kicked her out? Are you not concerned that she will tell a bunch of lies, and try to control the narrative?


I wouldn't worry about it... a video is an ultimate trump card that will quell any false stories.


----------



## TDSC60

How old is POSOM?

OBS is a sticky situation. 

On one hand, she is a betrayed spouse also and deserves to know the truth about the affair. And you have told her that her husband (POSOM) and your wife (Monster) are in a sexual affair. It could be that she really only wants information from you to compare with what he has told her. He could have decided to try and control the narrative by telling his wife a bunch of lies to make it look as if your wife got him drunk and seduced him on the business trip in an attempt to sleep her way to a better job.

On the other hand, she may be more concerned with the potential change in lifestyle if the POSOM loses his job than she is with her husband having sex with another woman. He may be pushing her to ask for details so he can see how much you really know and how he can defend against any accusations. They could be working together against you. 

I support what your lawyer has said. You have told her the basics - that they were having a sexual affair - that is enough for now.

If she keeps calling, tell her that you cannot discuss details with her at this time on the advice from your lawyer. Tell her that you will be happy to show her the evidence you have when all legal action is completed. If they are working together, that will definitely screw with their heads. If she just wants the truth for her own piece of mind, no harm done in waiting a while. 

Do not share that your idiot wife videoed the sex sessions with anyone.

I would tell her parents that she is out of the house because she screwed another man and you found out.


----------



## Goose54

We’ve seen it before, POSOM is blaming everything on the WW and her psycho husband, Super Dad. Spinning a web a lies that all he tried to do was comfort her and his chocolate accidentally got dipped into her peanut butter, it was just once and he didn’t finish or enjoy it, blah, blah, blah.

As far as informing OBS, his original statement was:


> OBS wants to see me today. Apparently, OM "told her" what's going on and she just wants to confirm with me. I declined, but she will not stop calling to ask. My lawyer advised me to wait on exposure.


Pretty heartless if you ask me. I’ve seen numerous posters from the UK and informing the OBS was never an issue, as a matter of fact this is the first time I recall long time members defending NOT exposing (over 10 years of these boards). The solicitor is looking for the best possible outcome for his client, that does not make it the right, or moral, thing to do. (JMO)

He later came back and stated he spoke with her and confirmed:


> I told OBS that OM was sleeping with Monster, but that's all.


So I guess we’re beating a dead horse. JMO, Karma’s a b—-h, just saying

I’m obviously triggering so I will stay away from this thread.


----------



## ABHale

SuperDad said:


> Thanks for checking up on me. Can't really sleep, but trying to stay calm. My lawyer knows everything. Hell, the neighbours probably know with how much Monster was yelling. I was calm the whole time. I surprised myself at the confrontation. I friend is over to keep me company because I'm not coping well.
> 
> She's sleeping in the guest room. No, I will never sleep with her. She's like a sister.
> 
> OBS wants to see me today. Apparently, OM "told her" what's going on and she just wants to confirm with me. I declined, but she will not stop calling to ask. My lawyer advised me to wait on exposure.
> 
> Monster has been calling and leaving text messages nonstop. I think OM dumped her because she sounds hysterical. Her parents even called me because she told them I kicked her out, but lied about why. This crap pisses me off.


Can you have charged with harassment/slander for lying about it and slandering you?


----------



## sa58

Superdad 
I hope you are doing well today.

I am not sure if anyone asked or you said
who's laptop the video was on. I mean 
who owns the laptop. Is it a company 
laptop, her own, or one you and her 
both paid for. 

The reason I ask is because in the US
there are different laws in different states
concerning getting access to personal computers.
e-mails, texts, videos etc. Check with your lawyer
about this to be sure. I would not show the video 
to anyone else until then.

If the OM has dumped her she will start blaming him.
He will start blaming her also. They may turn on each 
other to try and save their own hide.

Remember he knew she is/was married but so did she.


----------



## Affaircare

@SuperDad, 

Just posting to let you know you are in our thoughts and prayers. How are you doing today? This can be pretty emotionally tough. My words of advice are more toward the practical:

1) Buy a bunch of soup. Crying and being on the emotional rollercoaster kills the appetite and you can't swallow past the lump in your throat anyway...and yet you need to work and take care of the house and kids. You need to eat "something" and keep your strength up. Soup is just the ticket. It's warm--it's filling--it's comforting--and it's liquid and can get past the lump in your throat. 

2) Buy lotioned tissues. When you cry a lot and do not use lotioned tissues (kleenex) your eyes and nose will get chapped and then you have swollen, chapped eyelids and salty tears and frankly--it hurts. Lotion on the kleenex will be a little more gentle, you won't get chapped, and the ocean of tears won't hurt as badly. Your heart, yes--your eyelids and nose, not as much. 

Honestly, you've discovered, you've confronted--you're doing well. I would suggest taking the next few days with the goal of continuing to keep breathing and that's about it. Give yourself a little time to catch up with what's happening.


----------



## SuperDad

Thanks again for the PMs and messages here. I am grateful. I'm doing a little better, but there's a lot going on and I'm busy.

My friend is still sticking around. She has been a great help.

I'm getting the DNA results on Friday and the STI screening results show my daughter and myself are clear. So at least Monster was truthful about not contracting any diseases. She swore she used protection (lie).

Okay, here is what happened on Saturday:

My lawyer was still drawing up the papers, so serving her was out of the question. She landed about an hour ealier than she was supposed to. I was busy adjusting the cameras a bit to make sure they recorded precise areas that I was sure she would go to in the house when she called me to come and pick her up. At this time she still didn't know I knew of what's going on. I told her that I'm busy and she got pissed that I was too busy to pick her up and told her to get a taxi.

She wanted to argue about me being a bad husband. I did not respond to her provoking and told her that I had changed the locks to the house and she needed to come home immediately because it was important. She used that to start an argument of me not picking her up. I shut her down and told her to come home and I'm not picking her up because there's a crisis I'm handling at home. I told her I'll tell her the details when she arrives.

When she arrived she comes home and looks worried. I was sitting in the lounge watching the telly when she walked in. I greeted her but did not hug her. She wanted to know what was wrong. She was worried about our daughter. 

I told her that I knew she was having an affair and that I'm giving her one chance and one chance only to tell me everything that was going on. I did not eloborate on it because I just wanted to hear what she had to say and that's all.

She immediately got angry and shouted at me for even thinking she was having an affair, that I was her one and only. She turned it around and questioned my fidelity. I did not let her change the subject. I told her again that she only had one chance to save herself and I will not repeat it.

She said that I'm crazy for ever thinking she could ruin such a good marriage. We are at a young age and are already well prepared and thriving financially. She said, "Everything is going amazing for us. Why would I destroy it?"

I asked her if that was the story she was sticking to. She said that's the truth. I said okay, I know you're lying and I want you to pack your things and leave the house, make reservations somewhere else.

She refused and demanded that I show her the proof to my allegations. I said that it was not on me to show her proof. It was on her to proof to me otherwise. I asked for her phone. 

She refused and said I'm being ridiculous. She said that if that's the way I'm going to be then she will leave me and take our daughter. I did not give in to her bait and again politely asked her for her phone. She said I needed to trust her. What is a marriage without trust? I asked her if I didn't trust her, wasn't it her job to reassure me? She said that my trust is my own problem.

I had enough of the back to back and asked her if she was sleeping with her boss. She yelled very loudly how could I think that. She said she was not a tramp and how dare I question her loyalty. I showed her the screen shot of the ring part I saved on my phone.

She was dead silent. Then she asked me where I got it from. I told her that's not important. She is not aware that I went through her laptop because I sent it back to repairs. I deal with those issues, she does not. She deleted the picture on my phone.

She was panicking and told me "It's not what it looks like"? I think I looked at her like she was crazy because she started making up bull**** excuses that it wasn't her on that screen shot and that I'm downloading porn and stuff.

I told her that I watched the entire thing and I know what ring I put on her finger. I told her that I warned her if she betrayed me then she better be prepared to live with it and her lover.

She started crying really hard. She was saying sorry a lot. She went on her knees and grabbed my leg. She begged me to forgive her and give her another chance.

It took everything in me not to give in and hug her. But I did not fall for crocodile tears. I am not stupid.

I told her to pack everything and leave, that we will discuss things concerning our daughter and finances.

She begged me not to divorce. She said that she loved me and will prove it. To the one who said she would try to sex bomb me, I cannot believe how right you were. She started kissing me and hugging me by the waist and I had to be careful not to push her away too roughly.

I firmly told her never to touch me again. I told her about how much we both sacrificed for this marriage. How many people I had to give up just to be with her. How much humiliation I feel at what she did.

She was crying and saying she loves me and I told her she doesn't know what love is and I'm not waiting for her to find out. 

She asked me to think about what I'm doing and said "So you're really going to throw 14 years away just for 5 months of an affair?" I told her it wasn't me who threw those years away and I'm not sure it was just 5 months. She was free to see that POS whenever she wants now. She had the audacity to tell me he meant nothing. I got angry hearing that but kept my cool.

I told her I had to get my daughter tested because of her nonsense. She swore on my daughter's life that she used protection and my daughter is mine. If Monster was a guy, I would have punched her for that.

I told her to do herself a favour and leave. I hinted to the fact I know more than just what I showed her. She wanted me to promise not to do anything drastic and give her a chance to explain herself then she would go. I told her that I'm not making promises and please get out of my house. She said it was our house and she didn't like the way I was talking. She knew I was serious though so she left.

Her parents called me later. They were worried because I kicked her out. She told them I was upset because she didn't do something I asked for, like looking after our daughter. I told them she had an affair and that's the reason. They were shocked but asked me not to make any hasty decision. I respectfully agreed that I will not go for revenge, but every decision I make is for my daughter, not for Monster. OM called with threats and bribery. I did not entertain him.

Monster was served yesterday. She is begging for another chance and has booked herself into IC. She told me she is reading up and getting help to find out how she could do this to us. She doesn't want to lose me and is willing to do whatever it takes to win me back. I told her to get help, but not for me. It is too late for us.

I have the all clear to meet OBS. There's nothing OM can get on me because my lawyer has been swift in shifting through all the evidence I've given him and we have A LOT of ammo on him. OM doesn't know OBS and I are meeting. OBS is sad and desperate to find out what's going on with OM and Monster and I feel, like all of you, that she deserves to know regardless of her intentions.

I am feeling very drained. Yes, I have trouble eating so I'll get the soup and maybe get the punching bag.

Our daughter is with me for now.


----------



## Tatsuhiko

They always make it so much worse with the angry, indignant lies. "How could you even THINK such a thing?" Sure makes the subsequent begging a lot less credible.

In any case, you handled this like a champ.


----------



## VladDracul

Superdad, do not text or email anything to anybody that has any possibility to come back an bite you in the azz; phone conversation only, preferably a burner, and be aware it could be taped. Watch your back. I seen several guys in court defending alleged spousal abuse subsequent to announcing they wanted a divorce. Desperate people do desperate things to cover their own azz. Believe me, your old lady sounds like the type.


----------



## Malaise

Well done.


----------



## 269370

SuperDad said:


> Thanks again for the PMs and messages here. I am grateful. I'm doing a little better, but there's a lot going on and I'm busy.
> 
> My friend is still sticking around. She has been a great help.
> 
> I'm getting the DNA results on Friday and the STI screening results show my daughter and myself are clear. So at least Monster was truthful about not contracting any diseases. She swore she used protection (lie).
> 
> Okay, here is what happened on Saturday:
> 
> My lawyer was still drawing up the papers, so serving her was out of the question. She landed about an hour ealier than she was supposed to. I was busy adjusting the cameras a bit to make sure they recorded precise areas that I was sure she would go to in the house when she called me to come and pick her up. At this time she still didn't know I knew of what's going on. I told her that I'm busy and she got pissed that I was too busy to pick her up and told her to get a taxi.
> 
> She wanted to argue about me being a bad husband. I did not respond to her provoking and told her that I had changed the locks to the house and she needed to come home immediately because it was important. She used that to start an argument of me not picking her up. I shut her down and told her to come home and I'm not picking her up because there's a crisis I'm handling at home. I told her I'll tell her the details when she arrives.
> 
> When she arrived she comes home and looks worried. I was sitting in the lounge watching the telly when she walked in. I greeted her but did not hug her. She wanted to know what was wrong. She was worried about our daughter.
> 
> I told her that I knew she was having an affair and that I'm giving her one chance and one chance only to tell me everything that was going on. I did not eloborate on it because I just wanted to hear what she had to say and that's all.
> 
> She immediately got angry and shouted at me for even thinking she was having an affair, that I was her one and only. She turned it around and questioned my fidelity. I did not let her change the subject. I told her again that she only had one chance to save herself and I will not repeat it.
> 
> She said that I'm crazy for ever thinking she could ruin such a good marriage. We are at a young age and are already well prepared and thriving financially. She said, "Everything is going amazing for us. Why would I destroy it?"
> 
> I asked her if that was the story she was sticking to. She said that's the truth. I said okay, I know you're lying and I want you to pack your things and leave the house, make reservations somewhere else.
> 
> She refused and demanded that I show her the proof to my allegations. I said that it was not on me to show her proof. It was on her to proof to me otherwise. I asked for her phone.
> 
> She refused and said I'm being ridiculous. She said that if that's the way I'm going to be then she will leave me and take our daughter. I did not give in to her bait and again politely asked her for her phone. She said I needed to trust her. What is a marriage without trust? I asked her if I didn't trust her, wasn't it her job to reassure me? She said that my trust is my own problem.
> 
> I had enough of the back to back and asked her if she was sleeping with her boss. She yelled very loudly how could I think that. She said she was not a tramp and how dare I question her loyalty. I showed her the screen shot of the ring part I saved on my phone.
> 
> She was dead silent. Then she asked me where I got it from. I told her that's not important. She is not aware that I went through her laptop because I sent it back to repairs. I deal with those issues, she does not. She deleted the picture on my phone.
> 
> She was panicking and told me "It's not what it looks like"? I think I looked at her like she was crazy because she started making up bull**** excuses that it wasn't her on that screen shot and that I'm downloading porn and stuff.
> 
> I told her that I watched the entire thing and I know what ring I put on her finger. I told her that I warned her if she betrayed me then she better be prepared to live with it and her lover.
> 
> She started crying really hard. She was saying sorry a lot. She went on her knees and grabbed my leg. She begged me to forgive her and give her another chance.
> 
> It took everything in me not to give in and hug her. But I did not fall for crocodile tears. I am not stupid.
> 
> I told her to pack everything and leave, that we will discuss things concerning our daughter and finances.
> 
> She begged me not to divorce. She said that she loved me and will prove it. To the one who said she would try to sex bomb me, I cannot believe how right you were. She started kissing me and hugging me by the waist and I had to be careful not to push her away too roughly.
> 
> I firmly told her never to touch me again. I told her about how much we both sacrificed for this marriage. How many people I had to give up just to be with her. How much humiliation I feel at what she did.
> 
> She was crying and saying she loves me and I told her she doesn't know what love is and I'm not waiting for her to find out.
> 
> She asked me to think about what I'm doing and said "So you're really going to throw 14 years away just for 5 months of an affair?" I told her it wasn't me who threw those years away and I'm not sure it was just 5 months. She was free to see that POS whenever she wants now. She had the audacity to tell me he meant nothing. I got angry hearing that but kept my cool.
> 
> I told her I had to get my daughter tested because of her nonsense. She swore on my daughter's life that she used protection and my daughter is mine. If Monster was a guy, I would have punched her for that.
> 
> I told her to do herself a favour and leave. I hinted to the fact I know more than just what I showed her. She wanted me to promise not to do anything drastic and give her a chance to explain herself then she would go. I told her that I'm not making promises and please get out of my house. She said it was our house and she didn't like the way I was talking. She knew I was serious though so she left.
> 
> Her parents called me later. They were worried because I kicked her out. She told them I was upset because she didn't do something I asked for, like looking after our daughter. I told them she had an affair and that's the reason. They were shocked but asked me not to make any hasty decision. I respectfully agreed that I will not go for revenge, but every decision I make is for my daughter, not for Monster. OM called with threats and bribery. I did not entertain him.
> 
> Monster was served yesterday. She is begging for another chance and has booked herself into IC. She told me she is reading up and getting help to find out how she could do this to us. She doesn't want to lose me and is willing to do whatever it takes to win me back. I told her to get help, but not for me. It is too late for us.
> 
> I have the all clear to meet OBS. There's nothing OM can get on me because my lawyer has been swift in shifting through all the evidence I've given him and we have A LOT of ammo on him. OM doesn't know OBS and I are meeting. OBS is sad and desperate to find out what's going on with OM and Monster and I feel, like all of you, that she deserves to know regardless of her intentions.
> 
> I am feeling very drained. Yes, I have trouble eating so I'll get the soup and maybe get the punching bag.
> 
> Our daughter is with me for now.




This is like something out of a bad movie...Urrgh. Painful to read.

I guess she took the gamble that you may not have known enough to ‘convict’ her since she thought all is probably lost anyway.

Out of interest, would you still have kicked her out if she told you the full truth straight away?

That’s what I did when I was once dating two girls at same time (when I was 15 or 16). It would otherwise seem disrespectful not to. I still got hit in the face (by both of them, but not at the same time). Well deserved as well.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## SentHereForAReason

Thanks for the update SD. What sucks the most in all of this is that while some are the biggest losers (her and OM), everyone loses to some extent in this situation and it hurts even more because it's something YOU HAD NO control over. 

You are doing great. It's obvious you are handling this all the right way but I'm proud of you for doing it with integrity, the way that you talked to her parents, the priority of your daughter and in all respects, giving her more respect than what she deserves but in the end, you will look back on this and be proud of the way you handled it. It's strong and decisive for it's also 'fair' and you are not losing any integrity in the process.

The big part of this desperation equation is once she finds out she doesn't have the backup plan of OM. In my case, I did not have 1% of the evidence you had to start with but also handled it with 1% strength of what you did. What my STBXW had though was the support and comfort knowing she could have her OM, especially since he could have her and his wife, since his wife believes anything he says. 

Stay the course. I'm almost always in the pro-reconciliation camp but I can assure you, I believe you are doing the 100% right thing. It sounds like her parents are reasonable people, I think once they continue to see and realize you are handling this with class, your 2nd biggest failure will be when she runs to her parents and they tell her tough sh$$.


----------



## PigglyWiggly

Sd you are a BOSS!!! You made a script and stuck to it. I do not know if I would have had the strength that you did when she came home. Props to you!!!


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## RWB

Well done Sir!


----------



## Malaise

SuperDad said:


> I told her to do herself a favour and leave. I hinted to the fact I know more than just what I showed her. She wanted me to promise not to do anything drastic and *give her a chance to explain herself* then she would go. I told her that I'm not making promises and please get out of my house. She said it was our house and she didn't like the way I was talking. She knew I was serious though so she left.


I don't know about anyone else but I've always been fascinated by some of the excuses and explanations. It's like bad theater.

And of course OM meant nothing to her. That's a classic too.


----------



## Chaparral

If she tells you he meant nothing again, ask her what kind of mother gives up her husband, family, and accepts partial custody for nothing.


----------



## Graywolf2

I have never heard of or read a better confrontation.



SuperDad said:


> Her parents called me later. They were worried because I kicked her out. She told them I was upset because she didn't do something I asked for, like looking after our daughter. I told them she had an affair and that's the reason. They were shocked but asked me not to make any hasty decision.


One thing you can say for your wife is that she’s consistent. She obviously doesn’t think through what can happen in the future. She was never going to get caught. You and her parents were never going to contact each other. Did she think that you would never tell her parents the real reason for kicking her out?

Denial seems to be one of her major coping mechanisms.

_Coping mechanisms are ways to which external or internal stress is managed, adapted to or acted upon. Susan Folkman and Richard Lazarus define coping as "constantly changing cognitive and behavioral efforts to manage specific external and/or internal demands that are appraised as taxing".

_She knew that the jig was up. The smart thing would have been to tell her parents the truth so that she could put her spin on it. Instead of preparing her parents she opens them up for astonishing shock and humiliation in front of their son in law.


----------



## Suspicious1

Text book, I feel previlage to read on how you handled this horrible situation of yours. 
Kept your cool, did not fall for bs tears, strong and decisive.

I've learn a few things from your post.

Well done.

S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn

SuperD, did you go through all the videos on the laptop to see if there are other men besides her boss too?


----------



## skerzoid

SuperDad:

"She had the audacity to tell me he meant nothing."

It is always amazing when the cheater makes this statement. 

If it wasn't love then, what was it? They don't realize that it makes them look worse then because they did it for - Lust? Career? A little harmless fun? Maybe all of these?

You were never going to find out, so what you don't know won't hurt you. And so she ruined her life, her child's life, her parent's lives, not to speak of, your life for... ?

Did you ask her why she laughed when he ejaculated on her ring? That she did those things while wearing the symbol of your love and her fidelity says it all. I am so sorry for all those she betrayed.


----------



## hinterdir

OP

Sorry you married an unfaithful person who has low character is selfish and is a liar. I'm sorry you are having to go through this but at least you know the truth. 

I was curious to know what your lawyer is advising and how your lawyer sees the future playing out. Is he/she telling you this is a slam dunk case and the courts will not make this hard as she has no standing or is he warning you of some ways she is still going to make this hard? Does he think she can get out of the prenup and get some of your money? Does he see any way she can get claim to your home? Does he admit there is any possibility you'll have to pay her ongoing moneys? What pitfalls lay out there? Is he confident you'll have no issues, does he warn there are still some dangers? What is his/her prediction for the future and how could this play out according to them?


----------



## Tatsuhiko

"He meant nothing to me." 

Right. Apparently he meant more than the wedding ring you were wearing, since you granted his desire to defile it, and decided that a video should be kept to periodically relive that precious moment.


----------



## Evinrude58

Just wanted to say I hope you got all that exchange during the confrontation on tape. One of these days it will strengthen your resolve to go back and study her ANGER, INDIGNATION, OBFUSCATION, PREVARICATION and realize what a bad partner she really is.

She let the guy come on her wedding ring and laughed about it? Yeah, there's not much to be said for how much she valued YOU, or your work and efforts in the marriage.

I hope this female gets nothing but the door in this divorce.


----------



## Knips

Hello, I see that you were very young when you both got together. Were you each others first one?


----------



## bandit.45

SuperDad you did well. You handled it exactly the right way. 

Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Make sure you are eating at least three times a day. If you cannot keep down food, go and buy some protein shake mix and drink three or four a day until your appetite returns. Drink lots of water. Do what you can to get a good nights sleep every night. 

Time is on your side. You do not have to make any big decisions now or in the near future. Let the divorce proceed and stay tucked under your lawyers wing.

I hope you go after the OM with gusto. If your WW really wanted to save the marriage, first stop would be filing a sexual harassment claim against OM and exposing him. She showed her solidarity with him by letting him ejaculate on her and your marriage. If she wants to show she has switched her fidelity back to you, suing him would be the least she could do.


----------



## TDSC60

Well done SD.

You maintained your self control and dignity in what was probably the most difficult situation of your life.

So she says she trashed your marriage and betrayed you in favor of someone who meant nothing to her? Yeah - that should make you feel loads better. To be told that you, your marriage, and all your sacrifices for her basically meant LESS than nothing to her in the end.

Stay strong.


----------



## Noble1

Thank you for your update.

Keep strong and know that you are doing the right things for you and your child.

Good luck.


----------



## Johann Sebastian

I would just echo the other posters who advise you to listen to your lawyer. You are doing great so far, good luck.


----------



## Kamstel

(The following is a joke....I’m NOT serious, I’m just trying to get SuperDad to smile at least)

Wouldn’t it be great to upload the footage from the camera from the living room to let the world see just how pathetic she was and is???


----------



## Kamstel

SuperDad, I know it hurts being in hell, and everyone here knows what you are going through, but you have been doing great!

When you aren’t working, or with supportive friends/family, spend every possible second with your daughter and enjoy what true and unconditional love is!!!!

Hang in there.

Eat.
Laugh whenever you can at whatever it is.
No drinking.
No alcohol.
Get exercise when ever you can
And go for he occasional walk and enjoy spring. Tomorrow will be better than today


----------



## SentHereForAReason

Kamstel said:


> (The following is a joke....I’m NOT serious, I’m just trying to get SuperDad to smile at least)
> 
> Wouldn’t it be great to upload the footage from the camera from the living room to let the world see just how pathetic she was and is???


lol, I understand the joke but from the character that SD has shown so far, he seems like the opposite person to do this.

I liken this to when in a movie, the guy has another guy down on the ground, the guy on the ground is helpless and the guy with the upper hand can finish him off, kill him, etc. He just stands up, drops his weapon or pulls back his fist and walks away, knowing he did all the damage he needed to do.


----------



## sa58

SD

Talk with your lawyer about everything when dealing with 
the Monster. This is not over by a long way yet. You have 
only exposed the affair and started the divorce process.
Monster and OM are turning on each other. Monster has or
will lose every thing. Marriage , OM , probably job, her parents
respect.

When she gets desperate and backed into a corner 
she will come out screaming, and kicking with fangs and claws.
Monsters do that, and then the awful drool and slobber from 
begging and pleading.

Stay vigilant because it is not over until it is over.
Remember you have a child so you and Monster will have 
to interact on some basis in the future unfortunately.


----------



## Kamstel

Everyone seems to be congratulating you on what you did on Saturday, which was excellent. 

But I don’t want to overlook another accomplishment yesterday... specifically having her served! Another great job!


You have taken control of the situation, your failed marriage, and the future. For this you should be congratulated! Do NOT surrender control to your sl ut stbxw or anyone else!!

And continue on your path out of Hell!!! 

You’ve got this!!


----------



## BarbedFenceRider

After this is finally put to rest, and your XW is in full IC. Maybe an explanation onto why she thought the ejaculation on the wedding band thing happened... To me, that is just the most bizarre, and yet painful. OP, you are to be commended on your resolve and temperance during such a painful time. I am sooo sorry for your loss.


But, you have a good support system. And you most likely will have a good opportunity of finally meeting someone who you can cherish, love and respect for all time. Prayers for you and your child. Stay strong.


----------



## Chaparral

“She yelled very loudly how could I think that. She said she was not a tramp and how dare I question her loyalty. I showed her the screen shot of the ring part I saved on my phone.”

I don’t think she is in denial. I think she had already come to the conclusion what she was doing was behaving like a tramp. Of course good girl playing tramp is part of the excitement.

I am very courious about what made you suspicious when she left on the trip. Was she acting verily giddy, guilty, mean etc.? Usually, cheaters get mean and treat their spouses poorly. Looking back on it, were there signs you had discounted? Often, cheaters drastically change their sex life with their spouse, for example.


----------



## SA2017

SuperDad said:


> Thanks again for the PMs and messages here. I am grateful. I'm doing a little better, but there's a lot going on and I'm busy.
> 
> My friend is still sticking around. She has been a great help.
> 
> I'm getting the DNA results on Friday and the STI screening results show my daughter and myself are clear. So at least Monster was truthful about not contracting any diseases. She swore she used protection (lie).
> 
> Okay, here is what happened on Saturday:
> 
> My lawyer was still drawing up the papers, so serving her was out of the question. She landed about an hour ealier than she was supposed to. I was busy adjusting the cameras a bit to make sure they recorded precise areas that I was sure she would go to in the house when she called me to come and pick her up. At this time she still didn't know I knew of what's going on. I told her that I'm busy and she got pissed that I was too busy to pick her up and told her to get a taxi.
> 
> She wanted to argue about me being a bad husband. I did not respond to her provoking and told her that I had changed the locks to the house and she needed to come home immediately because it was important. She used that to start an argument of me not picking her up. I shut her down and told her to come home and I'm not picking her up because there's a crisis I'm handling at home. I told her I'll tell her the details when she arrives.
> 
> When she arrived she comes home and looks worried. I was sitting in the lounge watching the telly when she walked in. I greeted her but did not hug her. She wanted to know what was wrong. She was worried about our daughter.
> 
> I told her that I knew she was having an affair and that I'm giving her one chance and one chance only to tell me everything that was going on. I did not eloborate on it because I just wanted to hear what she had to say and that's all.
> 
> She immediately got angry and shouted at me for even thinking she was having an affair, that I was her one and only. She turned it around and questioned my fidelity. I did not let her change the subject. I told her again that she only had one chance to save herself and I will not repeat it.
> 
> She said that I'm crazy for ever thinking she could ruin such a good marriage. We are at a young age and are already well prepared and thriving financially. She said, "Everything is going amazing for us. Why would I destroy it?"
> 
> I asked her if that was the story she was sticking to. She said that's the truth. I said okay, I know you're lying and I want you to pack your things and leave the house, make reservations somewhere else.
> 
> She refused and demanded that I show her the proof to my allegations. I said that it was not on me to show her proof. It was on her to proof to me otherwise. I asked for her phone.
> 
> She refused and said I'm being ridiculous. She said that if that's the way I'm going to be then she will leave me and take our daughter. I did not give in to her bait and again politely asked her for her phone. She said I needed to trust her. What is a marriage without trust? I asked her if I didn't trust her, wasn't it her job to reassure me? She said that my trust is my own problem.
> 
> I had enough of the back to back and asked her if she was sleeping with her boss. She yelled very loudly how could I think that. She said she was not a tramp and how dare I question her loyalty. I showed her the screen shot of the ring part I saved on my phone.
> 
> She was dead silent. Then she asked me where I got it from. I told her that's not important. She is not aware that I went through her laptop because I sent it back to repairs. I deal with those issues, she does not. She deleted the picture on my phone.
> 
> She was panicking and told me "It's not what it looks like"? I think I looked at her like she was crazy because she started making up bull**** excuses that it wasn't her on that screen shot and that I'm downloading porn and stuff.
> 
> I told her that I watched the entire thing and I know what ring I put on her finger. I told her that I warned her if she betrayed me then she better be prepared to live with it and her lover.
> 
> She started crying really hard. She was saying sorry a lot. She went on her knees and grabbed my leg. She begged me to forgive her and give her another chance.
> 
> It took everything in me not to give in and hug her. But I did not fall for crocodile tears. I am not stupid.
> 
> I told her to pack everything and leave, that we will discuss things concerning our daughter and finances.
> 
> She begged me not to divorce. She said that she loved me and will prove it. To the one who said she would try to sex bomb me, I cannot believe how right you were. She started kissing me and hugging me by the waist and I had to be careful not to push her away too roughly.
> 
> I firmly told her never to touch me again. I told her about how much we both sacrificed for this marriage. How many people I had to give up just to be with her. How much humiliation I feel at what she did.
> 
> She was crying and saying she loves me and I told her she doesn't know what love is and I'm not waiting for her to find out.
> 
> She asked me to think about what I'm doing and said "So you're really going to throw 14 years away just for 5 months of an affair?" I told her it wasn't me who threw those years away and I'm not sure it was just 5 months. She was free to see that POS whenever she wants now. She had the audacity to tell me he meant nothing. I got angry hearing that but kept my cool.
> 
> I told her I had to get my daughter tested because of her nonsense. She swore on my daughter's life that she used protection and my daughter is mine. If Monster was a guy, I would have punched her for that.
> 
> I told her to do herself a favour and leave. I hinted to the fact I know more than just what I showed her. She wanted me to promise not to do anything drastic and give her a chance to explain herself then she would go. I told her that I'm not making promises and please get out of my house. She said it was our house and she didn't like the way I was talking. She knew I was serious though so she left.
> 
> Her parents called me later. They were worried because I kicked her out. She told them I was upset because she didn't do something I asked for, like looking after our daughter. I told them she had an affair and that's the reason. They were shocked but asked me not to make any hasty decision. I respectfully agreed that I will not go for revenge, but every decision I make is for my daughter, not for Monster. OM called with threats and bribery. I did not entertain him.
> 
> Monster was served yesterday. She is begging for another chance and has booked herself into IC. She told me she is reading up and getting help to find out how she could do this to us. She doesn't want to lose me and is willing to do whatever it takes to win me back. I told her to get help, but not for me. It is too late for us.
> 
> I have the all clear to meet OBS. There's nothing OM can get on me because my lawyer has been swift in shifting through all the evidence I've given him and we have A LOT of ammo on him. OM doesn't know OBS and I are meeting. OBS is sad and desperate to find out what's going on with OM and Monster and I feel, like all of you, that she deserves to know regardless of her intentions.
> 
> I am feeling very drained. Yes, I have trouble eating so I'll get the soup and maybe get the punching bag.
> 
> Our daughter is with me for now.



I don't know what is more sad... her lies and trying to keep lying or her realizing that the marriage is destroyed.
I am sad for you guys, truly I am. this is no win win situation. 


what do you mean she booked herself in IC ? what does that mean? what does it mean to you? How is the other man's wife doing? Did you show her the video?


----------



## SA2017

I don't know what is more sad... her lies and trying to keep lying or her realizing that the marriage is destroyed.
I am sad for you guys, truly I am. this is no win win situation. 


what do you mean she booked herself in IC ? what does that mean? what does it mean to you? How is the other man's wife doing? Did you show her the video?


----------



## Evinrude58

OP,

Your evaluation of her tears as crocodile tears was pretty much SPOT ON.

Your wife showed anger, disdain, desire to bully....... 
Then she moves quickly into SORROW and PLEADING FORGIVENESS???


No doubt, the crocodile tears she had were only yet another attempt to keep you under her spell of deceit, the control she felt she had over you due to her relationship with another man.........she felt her safety net (your only purpose in life, to HER) slipping from under her feet. That was the only reason for those tears. They certainly weren't tears of sorrow and remorse. They were tears of OH ****, and grief over losing that safety net.

Take that safety net away and keep it away. She will did her own hole, build her own bed. Let her sleep in it.


----------



## Young at Heart

Well done superdad. You may want to get some IC for your daughter as she will probably be having a hard time adjusting and understanding what is going on. You might also ask your soon to be ex-wife's parents to a dinner, with the understanding that if their daughter is present you will leave immediately. Tell them you want to discuss with them that you would like them to feel comfortable in knowing that they will be allowed to see their grand daughter on reasonable times and you want them to be able to participate in her life, but your daughters mother has destroyed any trust you have in her character and fitness to be a mother for your daughter.

Good luck. Give us an update now and then. Use posting as a way of journaling, it will be a cathartic experience.


----------



## 3putt

Young at Heart said:


> Well done superdad. You may want to get some IC for your daughter as she will probably be having a hard time adjusting and understanding what is going on. You might also ask your soon to be ex-wife's parents to a dinner, with the understanding that if their daughter is present you will leave immediately. Tell them you want to discuss with them that you would like them to feel comfortable in knowing that they will be allowed to see their grand daughter on reasonable times and you want them to be able to participate in her life, but your daughters mother has destroyed any trust you have in her character and fitness to be a mother for your daughter.
> 
> Good luck. Give us an update now and then. Use posting as a way of journaling, it will be a cathartic experience.


The daughter is only a year old.


----------



## SentHereForAReason

3putt said:


> The daughter is only a year old.


The daughter will need counseling after seeing the picture! The most taken out of context moment on TAM of 2018 so far 

In all reality, she may need counseling some day, most of us probably do but at least she has one strong parent.


----------



## Jus260

The baby is his because the affair only lasted five months or because she used condoms?


----------



## skerzoid

SuperDad:

OK. The easy part is over. That's what I said, "The easy part is over." Your rage (which you hid in the most commendable manner possible) will only carry you so far.

Now I am not discounting the courage, strength, and decisiveness that you have shown in the face of this betrayal, I am just saying that you had her at a disadvantage when she came home unprepared for the exposure of her traitorous behavior. She will now have time to consider actions she will take in the coming *YEARS* of dealing with you.

Not being sure of custody laws in your country, I am sure that she will receive no less than 50% custody. *You will have to deal with her for the next 17 years no matter the outcome of this.* That will be in 2035.

Therefore, do all that you can to remain civil to her and her parents. Do all you can to insure that your daughter will have safe and comfortable life with her. Your daughter will need her mother as all daughters do. Make sure that she is safe. Concentrate on her welfare (I know you are already) but remember the long haul.

1. I believe that your ex-wife should be helped in IC for her own sanity and well being. *Happy Mum, happy child.*

2. She should be able to maintain her job. This is necessary to prevent further alimony and child welfare payment than you will already have to pay. If bossman tries to fire her, she should should have a good case for sexual harassment. That money should go to the protection of the child.

3. Be sure to do as much as you can to protect her from the man or men your wife will bring into your daughter's life. Much of this will probably be out of your control unfortunately. But have your solicitor do as much as possible in that direction.

4. As much as you want revenge, and like I say, I love watching the karma bus run over people, reality is, this is your future. Try to remain on as good of terms with your ex-wife as possible. You want her to look on betraying you as the greatest possible mistake she could ever have made. Your calmness, your courage in the face of disaster, your strength of character, and your decisive action should be what she, and eventually your daughter, should remember. 

5. Good luck in this hardest time SuperDad. Get the IC YOU need to help you heal. You will surely need it.


----------



## personofinterest

skerzoid said:


> SuperDad:
> 
> OK. The easy part is over. That's what I said, "The easy part is over." Your rage (which you hid in the most commendable manner possible) will only carry you so far.
> 
> Now I am not discounting the courage, strength, and decisiveness that you have shown in the face of this betrayal, I am just saying that you had her at a disadvantage when she came home unprepared for the exposure of her traitorous behavior. She will now have time to consider actions she will take in the coming *YEARS* of dealing with you.
> 
> Not being sure of custody laws in your country, I am sure that she will receive no less than 50% custody. *You will have to deal with her for the next 17 years no matter the outcome of this.* That will be in 2035.
> 
> Therefore, do all that you can to remain civil to her and her parents. Do all you can to insure that your daughter will have safe and comfortable life with her. Your daughter will need her mother as all daughters do. Make sure that she is safe. Concentrate on her welfare (I know you are already) but remember the long haul.
> 
> 1. I believe that she should be helped in IC for her own sanity and well being. *Happy Mum, happy child.*
> 
> 2. She should be able to maintain her job. This is necessary to prevent further alimony and child care payment than you will already have to pay. If bossman tries to fire her, she should should have a good case for sexual harassment. That money should go to the protection of the child.
> 
> 3. Be sure to do as much as you can to protect her from the man or men your wife will bring into your daughter's life. Much of this will probably be out of your control unfortunately. But have your solicitor do as much as possible in that direction.
> 
> 4. As much as you want revenge, and like I say, I love watching the karma bus run over people, reality is, this is your future. Try to remain on as good of terms with your ex-wife as possible. You want her to look on betraying you as the greatest possible mistake she could ever have made. Your calmness, your courage in the face of disaster, your strength of character, and your decisive action should be what she, and eventually your daughter, should remember.
> 
> 5. Good luck in this hardest time SuperDad. Get the IC YOU need to help you heal. You will surely need it.


This is wise, rational advice.


----------



## dubsey

It'll take some time, but eventually she'll ask you what she can do to make this right.

the answer, is nothing.

nothing.

you'll say: I gave you a chance to tell me the truth when we both knew you were busted. You chose to look me dead in the eye, and lie. Because of that, I will NEVER believe anything you tell me again. Never. If you want to make this right, you'll work with me on being the best co-parents in the world we can be, moving forward and do your very best to make sure that any future person you introduce into our child's life is better to you, than you were/are to me and also ends up being a positive influence on our child's life. That's the best you can do to try and make this right.


----------



## Kamstel

When I confronted my **** on D-day, she also said that “it meant nothing”. To which I responded, “so you threw us away for nothing?”

She then cried “I’m sorry!!! I’m so sorry!!”

I simply and calmly said, “yea, I agree”


I think my calmness only magnified her intensity as my demeanor was showing her that everything was over


----------



## colingrant

That 5-10 minute period following the BS providing indisputable or even circumstantial evidence to the WS often dictates how the rest of their lives will play out. It's a powerful moment of truth or non-truth the WS is faced with, and implications that lasts years or decades. It's in the WS hands at this point, but they f' it up 99% of the time like clockwork. No matter the story, or the people or the consequences, they almost always fail when it matters the most. Sad. Glad you're prepared to move on. Many of these stories are too brutal to read. So nice to see a man being decisive. 

To the many men and women out there, your life can be as great or greater without a cheating slime-ball of a husband or wife. You can do better, but you have to believe it. If you don't, you will find yourself trapped without options and will begin rationalizing and minimizing your spouses actions. Once a spouse sees this, you're toast. In fact, I believe many affairs happen because they don't think their spouses have the nuts to remove themselves from infidelity. Can see right through it. It's super sad to see this taking place. 

Lastly, think twice staying for the kids. It sounds honorable and it is to an extent, but it's just as important or even more important for kids to see their parents in a happy, loving relationship, as opposed to a under-one-roof, partnership or coexistence minus real love, affection and respect. This is what REAL marriage is all about. It's hard to fake this over time and kids know exactly what they're seeing, so despite what it looks or feels like, it is often counterproductive. Kids know more than what you think they know. Nice job SuperDad. You are what you're name says!


----------



## personofinterest

"It's just as important or even more important for kids to see their parents in a happy, loving relationship, as opposed to a under-one-roof,m partnership or coexistence minus real love,affection and respect. Hard to fake this over time and kids know exactly what they're seeing, so despite what it looks or feels like, it is often counterproductive. Kids know more than what you think they know"

This. This. This.


----------



## MattMatt

@SuperDad How much is this costing you? Just wondering if you can claim anything back from her share of the marital estate?


----------



## TDSC60

MattMatt said:


> @SuperDad How much is this costing you? Just wondering if you can claim anything back from her share of the marital estate?


I think he said that the prenup they signed had her "share" spelled out in detail if infidelity was proven.

She will be getting what she agreed to in the prenup since he has the video that leaves little to the imagination.

Which begs the question - WHY DID SHE VIDEO THE ACT AND WAS THERE MORE THAN ONE VIDEO ON THE LAPTOP?


----------



## MattMatt

TDSC60 said:


> I think he said that the prenup they signed had her "share" spelled out in detail if infidelity was proven.
> 
> She will be getting what she agreed to in the prenup since he has the video that leaves little to the imagination.
> 
> Which begs the question - WHY DID SHE VIDEO THE ACT AND WAS THERE MORE THAN ONE VIDEO ON THE LAPTOP?


But he will have to pay for the divorce application, plus his legal costs.


----------



## TDSC60

MattMatt said:


> But he will have to pay for the divorce application, plus his legal costs.


Yeah there is that.

Do you know why divorce is so expensive????????????? Because they are worth it!!!!!!!!!


----------



## RandomDude

Happy ending to a sad affair I'd say. Well done SuperDad, that's all I can say.

You did right by the prenup. Now, destroy her life and make an example of what happens to cheaters.

I'm not even so sure about shared custody, your child's mum lacks the integrity necessary to be a mother. Not sure if your prenup included custodial rights.

If it does, I'd say just make trash outta her.


----------



## Taxman

I bet that the prenup is just beginning to fizz on her. Since returning from the airport, she has discovered that her affair is now public knowledge and that her marriage is over. No soft landing for her, this is a crash of epic proportions. If S.D. is as good as I think he is, there is an ironclad infidelity clause. She has essentially rolled the dice and crapped out. She is going to start over from scratch. Literally.


----------



## UpsideDownWorld11

Usually infidelity clauses are beyond useless. But when they are dumb enough to leave behind video evidence, I hope the judges at least take that in consideration, if for nothing else in regards to her judgement abilities.


----------



## Kamstel

It is now approximately 2:30am in Wales. Hope SD is actually getting some sleep

He deserves it (and needs it) after the Herculean job he has been doing for the last week!


----------



## 3putt

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> *Usually infidelity clauses are beyond useless.* But when they are dumb enough to leave behind video evidence, I hope the judges at least take that in consideration, if for nothing else in regards to her judgement abilities.


In a post-nup they are, but not in a pre-nup, which he has in hand. At least not here in the U.S. Not sure how that goes in the UK.


----------



## MattMatt

3putt said:


> In a post-nup they are, but not in a pre-nup, which he has in hand. At least not here in the U.S. Not sure how that goes in the UK.


Unfortunately, prenups in England and Wales have *zero* legal standing.

A judge *may* decide to take a prenup into consideration when hearing a divorce case, but he or she is *not* legally bound to do so.


----------



## TDSC60

MattMatt said:


> Unfortunately, prenups in England and Wales have *zero* legal standing.
> 
> A judge *may* decide to take a prenup into consideration when hearing a divorce case, but he or she is *not* legally bound to do so.


That sucks. One more reason not to marry in the UK.


----------



## Cynthia

MattMatt said:


> Unfortunately, prenups in England and Wales have *zero* legal standing.
> 
> A judge *may* decide to take a prenup into consideration when hearing a divorce case, but he or she is *not* legally bound to do so.


Wow. That's messed up.


----------



## 3putt

TDSC60 said:


> That sucks. One more reason not to marry in the UK.


Damned right. I guess legal contracts have no standing whatsoever over there. Wow!


----------



## RandomDude

MattMatt said:


> Unfortunately, prenups in England and Wales have *zero* legal standing.
> 
> A judge *may* decide to take a prenup into consideration when hearing a divorce case, but he or she is *not* legally bound to do so.


Justice fails again.


----------



## MattMatt

3putt said:


> Damned right. I guess legal contracts have no standing whatsoever over there. Wow!


Prenups are not viewed as legal contracts enforceable by law. At least, not yet.


----------



## TDSC60

MattMatt said:


> Prenups are not viewed as legal contracts enforceable by law. At least, not yet.


A prenup has clauses, stipulations, and penalties for certain behaviors. Sounds like a contract to me.

Do you know of any cases where a prenup was presented as a contract and adultery a violation of the contract? The BS sues the wayward for contract violation and seeks to enforce the terms of the contract?

SuperDad, what does your lawyer say about the prenup?


----------



## Thor

I'm mystified why English courts would not accept a written prenup as a contract. It is a set of agreed upon terms which both parties sign without duress and which does not contain anything illegal.


----------



## Kamstel

I just read up on prenups in the UK. Sounds as if there is nothing illegal and both parties sign at least 3 weeks prior to wedding, then they are usually upheld by the judges.

But SuperDad has an ace up his sleeve... the videos. As long as ANYONE has a copy of them, and right now the list of people who have them is growing, from just Monster and the pos, to now SuperDad, everyone in repair shop where it was worked on, to everyone in the law office, there is the danger of them being posted.
The list will grow to her lawyers and staff, and any company that may be hired to verify that the videos haven’t been tampered with, and everyone in the judges chambers. I doubt that Monster will put up too much of a battle when she has to worry about them being placed on Reddit

Keep up the pressure


----------



## Lemonman

TDSC60 said:


> Really? How about spousal support when only one spouse is the breadwinner and the other is a stay-at-home parent? Does the breadwinner have to support the stay-at-home for a reasonable period until they can find employment?


Maximum of 6 Months. Few men ans women are a where of it. It´s a Emergency clause section in the marriage licence act.
Few people are aware off it, even lawyers .


----------



## Suspicious1

I like what you're saying, seeing an end game, BUT.

As it stand with UK quirky laws, the video might be a double edge sword! 
It could do more damage than good.



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## MattMatt

Suspicious1 said:


> I like what you're saying, seeing an end game, BUT.
> 
> As it stand with UK quirky laws, the video might be a double edge sword!
> It could do more damage than good.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


The so-called Revenge Porn Law in the UK is similar to other countries.


----------



## Kamstel

Can I make a suggestion? I know that I may sound hypercritical as I googled UK divorce laws and basically copied and pasted something here last night

But....SD has a lawyer, so let’s let them handle this area, and we return to supporting SD on non-legal issues, unless of course you are a Welsh lawyer, then by all means please offer SD your assistance. It might best to offer your advice by private messaging him.


----------



## Kamstel

And please don’t get me wrong, I know everyone is posting out of the goodness of their heart and want nothing but the best for SD


----------



## hinterdir

Suspicious1 said:


> I like what you're saying, seeing an end game, BUT.
> 
> As it stand with UK quirky laws, the video might be a double edge sword!
> It could do more damage than good.
> 
> 
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


Elaborate?


----------



## Jus260

Kamstel said:


> I just read up on prenups in the UK. Sounds as if there is nothing illegal and both parties sign at least 3 weeks prior to wedding, then they are usually upheld by the judges.
> 
> But SuperDad has an ace up his sleeve... the videos. As long as ANYONE has a copy of them, and right now the list of people who have them is growing, from just Monster and the pos, to now SuperDad, everyone in repair shop where it was worked on, to everyone in the law office, there is the danger of them being posted.
> The list will grow to her lawyers and staff, and any company that may be hired to verify that the videos haven’t been tampered with, and everyone in the judges chambers. I doubt that Monster will put up too much of a battle when she has to worry about them being placed on Reddit
> 
> Keep up the pressure


That stuff ends up on Reddit? I thought they only had to worry about it ending up on myex.com or dontDateHimGirl.com, assuming those sites still exist.


----------



## MattMatt

hinterdir said:


> Elaborate?


It could be considered as revenge porn and could result in serious legal penalties.


----------



## Cynthia

MattMatt said:


> It could be considered as revenge porn and could result in serious legal penalties.


If it is shared, which may include showing it to other people, I'd be very careful about giving a copy to the OBS. Showing it to her in person is one thing, as it cannot be proven, but giving her a copy could be illegal. I don't know. That's for an attorney. Posting it on-line has to be illegal, but SuperDad hasn't mentioned doing that and hopefully wouldn't consider it.

However, keeping more than one copy on flash drives in safe places is advisable.


----------



## Suspicious1

hinterdir said:


> Elaborate?


I was trying to respond to Kamstel, post# 246.

About UK revenge porn laws, I assumed they were some how oddly different more severe than US, and didn't think exposing the video or even say he had seen it a good idea.

But I did like the thought of Monster believing it can ending up on some sleaze porn site as leverage.

Just my 2 cents.



Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


----------



## Dyokemm

MattMatt said:


> It could be considered as revenge porn and could result in serious legal penalties.


Matt.....

Would in make any legal difference that the discovery was not because he was snooping, but rather doing routine repair work on her laptop when the files were found?

Here in the States, for instance, evidence cannot be used if discovered with out a warrant.....BUT if a dumba** is stupid enough to leave something ‘in plain view’ then that requirement is out the window.

I know that is a criminal case situation....

Just wondering if it would make a difference that he was NOT invading her privacy but instead doing something helpful for his WW when the vids were found......

It’s not like he set out to dig into her devices (or, at least he has a reasonable explanation for why he was in them).


----------



## Kamstel

Not saying he will post, which he shouldn’t and believe he won’t. 

It is the MERE THOUGHT the the videos are no longer isolated just to Monster and POS! I’m thinking that including SD, the repair shop people, SD’s lawyers/paralegals/staff, the number of people that have now had access and seen at least part of the videos has to be around 10. 

This is not including the pos’s wife who might be shown it. Her lawyer’s could subpoena them, which mean’s monster’s lawyers and POS’s lawyers will see them. And if SB goes to HR, he could, with his lawyer’s approval, share or give the HR department the videos, at which point all bets are off as to how many people will see it at the company.... at least pos’s supervisors.... and then they would probably passed among other employees.... and if just ONE of them hated pos or monster, would it really be difficult for someone to upload the video(s) from a public library using a guest login???

But assuming this second part doesn’t happen. If you made a video of you and lover, would you be comfortable that it has been seen by 10 people? Even if faces were blurred?


----------



## Kamstel

PLUS, she still doesn’t know how SD got the screenshot of the ——-covered wedding ring, as the laptop is back at the repair shop. She must be suspecting that POS showed it and videos to other people, one of who must have sent it to SD.


----------



## Kamstel

So in Monster’s mind, as well as pos, the videos might be widespread at this very moment.


----------



## personofinterest

Dyokemm said:


> Matt.....
> 
> Would in make any legal difference that the discovery was not because he was snooping, but rather doing routine repair work on her laptop when the files were found?
> 
> Here in the States, for instance, evidence cannot be used if discovered with out a warrant.....BUT if a dumba** is stupid enough to leave something ‘in plain view’ then that requirement is out the window.
> 
> I know that is a criminal case situation....
> 
> Just wondering if it would make a difference that he was NOT invading her privacy but instead doing something helpful for his WW when the vids were found......
> 
> It’s not like he set out to dig into her devices (or, at least he has a reasonable explanation for why he was in them).


Unless the OP is a police officer investigating Monster this is irrelevant.

Where he found it is not the issue. What he does with it is.

I know the idea of her plastered all over the WWW is tantalizing....but I'm thinking it's a no-no.


----------



## sa58

I think SD has a very good lawyer. I think
he is consulting him on everything. He did not 
meet with OM wife until his lawyer gave the ok.
Prenup's in the US have been challenged also.

If the repair people saw the video SD is not liable 
in anyway. The repair shop is. The lawyer's office
as well. As for HR I am betting OM fires her soon
anyways. OM's wife will probably take care of that.
I do not think SD will show the video to anyone.
Right now he just wants her gone. After he showed 
her a screen shot, she admitted to cheating. He did 
not even show her the video. 

Hope your doing well SD.


----------



## VladDracul

I'd done it a little differently but at this point if it came down to it, I would claim the computer is jointly owned marital property and the videos were discovered when testing for proper repairs. Best just keep your mouth shut and let her stew in her own juices.


----------



## TDSC60

MattMatt said:


> It could be considered as revenge porn and could result in serious legal penalties.


In the USA posting a questionable video without the written consent of those in the video is a no-no. 

I'm sure SD is getting advice from his lawyer about all of this.


----------



## 3putt

TDSC60 said:


> In the USA posting a questionable video without the written consent of those in the video is a no-no.
> 
> I'm sure SD is getting advice from his lawyer about all of this.


Meh, the mere knowledge that he has that vid should be plenty enough to make her play nice.


----------



## Cynthia

I hope no one is thinking that he ought to post the videos on-line. The point about what is and is not legal has to do with him having copies of video that he doesn't have permission to own. They obviously weren't made for his benefit.


----------



## 3putt

CynthiaDe said:


> I hope no one is thinking that he ought to post the videos on-line. *The point about what is and is not legal has to do with him having copies of video that he doesn't have permission to own. They obviously weren't made for his benefit.*


That may be true, but she did load them onto her laptop and something like that is generally considered joint marital property as far as the law is concerned. 

Quite an idiotic choice of storage on her part considering all the options available today.


----------



## Cynthia

3putt said:


> That may be true, but she did load them onto her laptop and something like that is generally considered joint marital property as far as the law is concerned.
> 
> Quite an idiotic choice of storage on her part considering all the options available today.


Agreed, but in thinking about this more, I realized that making copies and distributing it to anyone could be considered illegal distribution of pornography due to not having permission of the people in the video. Even if he owns it as part of the marital property it would fall under different laws regarding images of people with no agreement to distribute. I went back and amended a post I made suggesting that he give a copy to OM's wife. I actually think that would be a bad idea and he should show it to her in person, but not give her a copy. At least not unless it is cleared by his attorney.


----------



## 3putt

CynthiaDe said:


> Agreed, but in thinking about this more, I realized that making copies and distributing it to anyone could be considered illegal distribution of pornography due to not having permission of the people in the video. Even if he owns it as part of the marital property it would fall under different laws regarding images of people with no agreement to distribute. I went back and amended a post I made suggesting that he give a copy to OM's wife. I actually think that would be a bad idea and he should show it to her in person, but not give her a copy. At least not unless it is cleared by his attorney.


I don't think anyone has suggested he distribute them. At least I hope not. That would be even more stupid than her loading them on her laptop. As you said, just keep it his back pocket for proof if anyone questions the validity of his claim. No worries there.


----------



## TDSC60

No point in arguing about the legality or ethics of the video.

His lawyer (or is it solicitor in UK) will guide him.


----------



## VladDracul

3putt said:


> That may be true, but she did load them onto her laptop and something like that is generally considered joint marital property as far as the law is concerned.
> 
> Quite an idiotic choice of storage on her part considering all the options available today.


In the US, computer files are considered the same as files in filing cabinet because the spouse would have access to the contents of a file cabinet in the home and would also have access to the contents of a computer in the home. It is true even if the computer is not owned by either party but by other parties including an employer. If the information on the computer is password protected and the password should not be know by the other spouse, or if the computer is not readily availble to the other spouse (locked in a drawer, et cetera), the rule may be different.

In the British Isles it may by totally different. They have laws that prevents the press from reporting on rapes by immigrates and will land a reporter in jail for doing so.


----------



## MattMatt

VladDracul said:


> In the US, computer files are considered the same as files in filing cabinet because the spouse would have access to the contents of a file cabinet in the home and would also have access to the contents of a computer in the home. It is true even if the computer is not owned by either party but by other parties including an employer. If the information on the computer is password protected and the password should not be know by the other spouse, or if the computer is not readily availble to the other spouse (locked in a drawer, et cetera), the rule may be different.
> 
> In the British Isles it may by totally different. They have laws that prevents the press from reporting on rapes by immigrates and will land a reporter in jail for doing so.


There is no such law in Britain.


----------



## MattMatt

Dyokemm said:


> Matt.....
> 
> Would in make any legal difference that the discovery was not because he was snooping, but rather doing routine repair work on her laptop when the files were found?
> 
> Here in the States, for instance, evidence cannot be used if discovered with out a warrant.....BUT if a dumba** is stupid enough to leave something ‘in plain view’ then that requirement is out the window.
> 
> I know that is a criminal case situation....
> 
> Just wondering if it would make a difference that he was NOT invading her privacy but instead doing something helpful for his WW when the vids were found......
> 
> It’s not like he set out to dig into her devices (or, at least he has a reasonable explanation for why he was in them).


It would make no difference at all.


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## personofinterest

3putt said:


> That may be true, but she did load them onto her laptop and something like that is generally considered joint marital property as far as the law is concerned.
> 
> Quite an idiotic choice of storage on her part considering all the options available today.


The METHOD by which the videos were obtained or WHERE they were found is not relevant to the legality of revenge prn. She could have DVD's on her dresser top. It's STILL illegal for HIM to share them.

This is not that hard.


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## 3putt

personofinterest said:


> The METHOD by which the videos were obtained or WHERE they were found is not relevant to the legality of revenge prn. She could have DVD's on her dresser top. It's STILL illegal for HIM to share them.
> 
> This is not that hard.


If you would take the time to read further you would see that I've already stated that it would be stupid to do that.



3putt said:


> I don't think anyone has suggested he distribute them. At least I hope not. That would be even more stupid than her loading them on her laptop. As you said, just keep it his back pocket for proof if anyone questions the validity of his claim. No worries there.


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## Tatsuhiko

My fear is that SuperDad's wise attorney has instructed him to stop posting here.


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## personofinterest

Calm down. I was just responding to the most recent post that seemed focused on HOW the videos wereobtained instead of WHAT is done with them. It wasn't some attacke, just information that seemed to be escaping a number of posters.


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## Dawghoused

It really hurts when your partner deceives you. I can understand how you are feeling right now. But, I'm glad to know that you are a strong man and know very well what you should do. Just leave and move on. You are a gentleman and you will definitely find the women who really deserves you.

Good Luck!


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## 3putt

personofinterest said:


> Calm down. I was just responding to the most recent post that seemed focused on HOW the videos wereobtained instead of WHAT is done with them. It wasn't some attacke, just information that seemed to be escaping a number of posters.


Then respond to the most recent post and not mine.


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## sa58

SD probably is and should be consulting with his lawyer.
He has been doing that since D-day. Remember he did 
not even meet with OM wife until his lawyer said it was ok.
I am sure the issue of the videos has already been talked 
about. From his previous posts he sounded like he had 
every thing under control. D-day, lawyer, put her out,
changed the locks, friend for support etc. Sounds like 
a very smart man to me. Unless something changes I think 
he has got this under control.

Right now he is probably dealing with the mess Monster
has created. Being betrayed like this is very hard. 
Riding the roller coaster of emotions could be described 
as PTSD. This is why I despise the loathsome creature 
(Monster ) cheater. In the dark everything is fun and 
exciting. When exposed it is just a pile of crap, others have
to clean up. 

Hope you are doing good SD.
If you feel like updating us OK
If not have a great life. You sound 
like you can do way better than 
Monster. And you will.


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## drifting on

Simple as to how superdad found the files and why he has a copy. Before taking the laptop for repairs superdad backed up the hard drive. This in turn makes copies of which superdad has in his possession. Don’t distribute. But you do have plenty of evidence of adultery, possibly even taunts or threats with the ring photo. Clearly that was meant as a complete hit to superdad, and shown to a judge just may show how cruel OM and WW really are.


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## VladDracul

VladDracul said:


> In the British Isles it may by totally different. They have laws that prevents the press from reporting on rapes by immigrates and will land a reporter in jail for doing so.





MattMatt said:


> There is no such law in Britain.


I was a bit off but is this not correct:

https://pjmedia.com/trending/anti-i...land-for-reporting-on-muslim-rape-gang-trial/


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## MattMatt

That report is not entirely correct.

There are very strict rules as to what can and cannot be reported about any ongoing trial in the UK.

Tommy Robinson broke those rules and ended up in jail. 

The reason he was sent directly to jail was because he had a suspended sentence which automatically came into effect when he committed the same offence.

And the reporting restriction was a common event in the UK. It's quite common for a newspaper to challenge the restrictions. 

Working as a journalist in the UK is a pain in the rear, as you have yo be very careful of the libel laws and restrictions on reporting court cases.

But let's keep this on topic, OK?


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## skerzoid

SuperDad, save us from ourselves. When we don't get updates, we start navel gazing. Its our nature to analyze and dissect to the nth degree. What's happening in your situation?


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## VladDracul

MattMatt said:


> But let's keep this on topic, OK?


I understand.


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## Wolfman1968

SuperDad said:


> Thanks again for the PMs and messages here. I am grateful. I'm doing a little better, but there's a lot going on and I'm busy.
> 
> My friend is still sticking around. She has been a great help.
> 
> I'm getting the DNA results on Friday and the STI screening results show my daughter and myself are clear. So at least Monster was truthful about not contracting any diseases. She swore she used protection (lie).
> 
> Okay, here is what happened on Saturday:
> 
> My lawyer was still drawing up the papers, so serving her was out of the question. She landed about an hour ealier than she was supposed to. I was busy adjusting the cameras a bit to make sure they recorded precise areas that I was sure she would go to in the house when she called me to come and pick her up. At this time she still didn't know I knew of what's going on. I told her that I'm busy and she got pissed that I was too busy to pick her up and told her to get a taxi.
> 
> She wanted to argue about me being a bad husband. I did not respond to her provoking and told her that I had changed the locks to the house and she needed to come home immediately because it was important. She used that to start an argument of me not picking her up. I shut her down and told her to come home and I'm not picking her up because there's a crisis I'm handling at home. I told her I'll tell her the details when she arrives.
> 
> When she arrived she comes home and looks worried. I was sitting in the lounge watching the telly when she walked in. I greeted her but did not hug her. She wanted to know what was wrong. She was worried about our daughter.
> 
> I told her that I knew she was having an affair and that I'm giving her one chance and one chance only to tell me everything that was going on. I did not eloborate on it because I just wanted to hear what she had to say and that's all.
> 
> She immediately got angry and shouted at me for even thinking she was having an affair, that I was her one and only. She turned it around and questioned my fidelity. I did not let her change the subject. I told her again that she only had one chance to save herself and I will not repeat it.
> 
> She said that I'm crazy for ever thinking she could ruin such a good marriage. We are at a young age and are already well prepared and thriving financially. She said, "Everything is going amazing for us. Why would I destroy it?"
> 
> I asked her if that was the story she was sticking to. She said that's the truth. I said okay, I know you're lying and I want you to pack your things and leave the house, make reservations somewhere else.
> 
> She refused and demanded that I show her the proof to my allegations. I said that it was not on me to show her proof. It was on her to proof to me otherwise. I asked for her phone.
> 
> She refused and said I'm being ridiculous. She said that if that's the way I'm going to be then she will leave me and take our daughter. I did not give in to her bait and again politely asked her for her phone. She said I needed to trust her. What is a marriage without trust? I asked her if I didn't trust her, wasn't it her job to reassure me? She said that my trust is my own problem.
> 
> I had enough of the back to back and asked her if she was sleeping with her boss. She yelled very loudly how could I think that. She said she was not a tramp and how dare I question her loyalty. I showed her the screen shot of the ring part I saved on my phone.
> 
> She was dead silent. Then she asked me where I got it from. I told her that's not important. She is not aware that I went through her laptop because I sent it back to repairs. I deal with those issues, she does not. She deleted the picture on my phone.
> 
> She was panicking and told me "It's not what it looks like"? I think I looked at her like she was crazy because she started making up bull**** excuses that it wasn't her on that screen shot and that I'm downloading porn and stuff.
> 
> I told her that I watched the entire thing and I know what ring I put on her finger. I told her that I warned her if she betrayed me then she better be prepared to live with it and her lover.
> 
> She started crying really hard. She was saying sorry a lot. She went on her knees and grabbed my leg. She begged me to forgive her and give her another chance.
> 
> It took everything in me not to give in and hug her. But I did not fall for crocodile tears. I am not stupid.
> 
> I told her to pack everything and leave, that we will discuss things concerning our daughter and finances.
> 
> She begged me not to divorce. She said that she loved me and will prove it. To the one who said she would try to sex bomb me, I cannot believe how right you were. She started kissing me and hugging me by the waist and I had to be careful not to push her away too roughly.
> 
> I firmly told her never to touch me again. I told her about how much we both sacrificed for this marriage. How many people I had to give up just to be with her. How much humiliation I feel at what she did.
> 
> She was crying and saying she loves me and I told her she doesn't know what love is and I'm not waiting for her to find out.
> 
> She asked me to think about what I'm doing and said "So you're really going to throw 14 years away just for 5 months of an affair?" I told her it wasn't me who threw those years away and I'm not sure it was just 5 months. She was free to see that POS whenever she wants now. She had the audacity to tell me he meant nothing. I got angry hearing that but kept my cool.
> 
> I told her I had to get my daughter tested because of her nonsense. She swore on my daughter's life that she used protection and my daughter is mine. If Monster was a guy, I would have punched her for that.
> 
> I told her to do herself a favour and leave. I hinted to the fact I know more than just what I showed her. She wanted me to promise not to do anything drastic and give her a chance to explain herself then she would go. I told her that I'm not making promises and please get out of my house. She said it was our house and she didn't like the way I was talking. She knew I was serious though so she left.
> 
> Her parents called me later. They were worried because I kicked her out. She told them I was upset because she didn't do something I asked for, like looking after our daughter. I told them she had an affair and that's the reason. They were shocked but asked me not to make any hasty decision. I respectfully agreed that I will not go for revenge, but every decision I make is for my daughter, not for Monster. OM called with threats and bribery. I did not entertain him.
> 
> Monster was served yesterday. She is begging for another chance and has booked herself into IC. She told me she is reading up and getting help to find out how she could do this to us. She doesn't want to lose me and is willing to do whatever it takes to win me back. I told her to get help, but not for me. It is too late for us.
> 
> I have the all clear to meet OBS. There's nothing OM can get on me because my lawyer has been swift in shifting through all the evidence I've given him and we have A LOT of ammo on him. OM doesn't know OBS and I are meeting. OBS is sad and desperate to find out what's going on with OM and Monster and I feel, like all of you, that she deserves to know regardless of her intentions.
> 
> I am feeling very drained. Yes, I have trouble eating so I'll get the soup and maybe get the punching bag.
> 
> Our daughter is with me for now.


Oddly enough, EVERYTHING your wife has done here has been right out of cheater script. It's so classic, I'd almost believer that there is some sort of ingrained program that is part or our species' heritage that kicks in when cheaters are caught. It's literally word-for-word:
- she denies initially
- displays anger and indignation at the accusation
- tries to turn it around on the BS, accusing them of manufacturing the accusation to hide their own cheating
- whe confronted with incontrovertible proof, they are initially shocked--"where did you get that proof?", followed by "it's not what it looks like", and ending up with "it meant nothing to me" (or the variant, "it was only sex")
- Then comes crying and begging for another chance. Females try to lure the betrayed husband in with sex (betrayed wives don't fall for that). 
- Lastly, denying to friends and family what the TRUE crimes are...presumably to save face in the future in case they are able to wheedle a reconciliation out of the situation.

That exact sequence happens so much, I have to believe it's somehow genetically imprinted, word for word.


----------



## Taxman

SD you are working this like a champ. She had no idea what her infidelity would do. In her mind, she was putting one over on you. Therefore ultimately disrespecting you. Now her parents know she is a cheap ****. And everyone knows that the marriage is over. Put your energies into yourself. She is now a footnote in your history, make a point of making the OM's life a living hell for the next little while. (In addition to ruining OM's career, one of my clients made a hobby out of letting every group that OM joined in on his dark secrets-he used his charitable organization volunteer work to find new women, mostly married, mostly middle aged, mostly a little overweight, and wrecked five marriages that I know of)

Let both of them know that you were nobody to be trifled with. Let her know that the pre nup is going to be enforced, and if it can be totally enforced, end their careers. Let them both be unemployed and blacklisted. Sorry if I am an *******, but I have been party to a conversation wherein the husband confirmed that he could not be touched for spousal support due to the existence of a pre-nup. He ensured that she would never work in her field ever again. He said to her, you love what you do, I used to love you. You killed my love for you, so I killed something you loved. She asked how she was going to support herself. He replied that it was no concern of his, and as far as he was concerned, she could be homeless. Essentially, after the court case, and the appeals, she was hardcore unemployed. She was forced to move across country for a junior position in her field. It will take her a decade to re establish herself.


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## Kamstel

Taxman, you are my favorite poster!!!!

Your stories are just so darned heart-warming!!!! Please post them as often as possible!!!


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## Taxman

I have seen way too much, and at this point, in order to ensure my future sanity, I am taking fewer and fewer cases of this nature. I actually have one case of financial infidelity on my desk, and I am thinking seriously of having them go elsewhere. It gets really depressing seeing this. If my marriage were shlt, and I was angry all of the time, I would probably want to keep it going, however, I have just seen way too much. It weighs on me. Think of when a BS first finds out. Now multiply that several times a year. At the least, if I decide to let this part of my practice go, I will save a ton on Kleenex.


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## Cynthia

Taxman said:


> I have seen way too much, and at this point, in order to ensure my future sanity, I am taking fewer and fewer cases of this nature. I actually have one case of financial infidelity on my desk, and I am thinking seriously of having them go elsewhere. It gets really depressing seeing this. If my marriage were shlt, and I was angry all of the time, I would probably want to keep it going, however, I have just seen way too much. It weighs on me. Think of when a BS first finds out. Now multiply that several times a year. At the least, if I decide to let this part of my practice go, I will save a ton on Kleenex.


Have you considered writing a book about this? I think people would be interested in how you do this. If you present scenarios and exact methods, that could be helpful to people who were trying not to get screwed twice. Once with the adultery and again with the divorce.


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## Taxman

Writing a book wouLd expose me to several people that I do NOT want catching onto what was done to them. Several of those people belong to a motorcycle appreciation circle, whose attention I would be well advised to avoid. Let me put it this way, nobody likes having all sources of income both legal and otherwise exposed in discoveries, that could lead to a long term stay at the taxpayers expense.


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## Cynthia

Taxman said:


> Writing a book wouLd expose me to several people that I do NOT want catching onto what was done to them. Several of those people belong to a motorcycle appreciation circle, whose attention I would be well advised to avoid. Let me put it this way, nobody likes having all sources of income both legal and otherwise exposed in discoveries, that could lead to a long term stay at the taxpayers expense.


We wouldn't want you to end up dead!


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## zozon

- Me (28) her (27). Been together for ten years. Married 4 years.-

- She asked me to think about what I'm doing and said "So you're really going to throw 14 years away just for 5 months of an affair?" -



Am I the only one who has problems with these numbers?


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## personofinterest

Taxman said:


> Writing a book wouLd expose me to several people that I do NOT want catching onto what was done to them. Several of those people belong to a motorcycle appreciation circle, whose attention I would be well advised to avoid. Let me put it this way, nobody likes having all sources of income both legal and otherwise exposed in discoveries, that could lead to a long term stay at the taxpayers expense.


This made me chuckle.


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## personofinterest

zozon said:


> - Me (28) her (27). Been together for ten years. Married 4 years.-
> 
> - She asked me to think about what I'm doing and said "So you're really going to throw 14 years away just for 5 months of an affair?" -
> 
> 
> Am I the only one who has problems with these numbers?


Um....typo


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## linecon0

I know you are mad and hurt but think of your kid now. You need to do whatever it takes to ensure you get the maximum rights to your kid. I had a similar thing happen to me and as hard as it was, I was civil with my cheating wife because I was thinking of what our new life was going to be like with our two kids. I decided I didn't want to have a huge court battle, etc. I was thinking of how I wanted life to be 2 or 3 years down the road. Just me matter of fact and try to contain your anger/hatred in front of your soon to be ex wife and kid. Nothing good will come of World War 3 between you and your cheating POS soon to be ex. 

Seek counseling, protect yourself and your kid, take care of yourself, think of what you want your life to be like 2 or 3 years from now. Good luck.


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## Kamstel

I’ve got no problem with a typo.

I know I wasn’t always clearheaded when typing here


----------



## RWB

Wolfman1968 said:


> Oddly enough, EVERYTHING your wife has done here has been right out of cheater script. It's so classic, I'd almost believer that there is some sort of ingrained program that is part or our species' heritage that kicks in when cheaters are caught. It's literally word-for-word:
> 
> - she *denies i*nitially
> - displays anger and indignation at the accusation
> - tries to turn it around on the BS, accusing them of manufacturing the accusation to hide their own cheating
> - when confronted with incontrovertible proof, they are initially shocked--"where did you get that proof?", followed by "it's not what it looks like", and ending up with *"it meant nothing to me" (*or the variant, *"it was only sex"*)
> *- Then comes crying and begging for another chance. Females try to lure the betrayed husband in with sex *(betrayed wives don't fall for that).
> - *Lastly, denying to friends and family what the TRUE crimes are.*..presumably to save face in the future in case they are able to wheedle a reconciliation out of the situation.
> 
> That exact sequence happens so much, I have to believe it's somehow genetically imprinted, word for word.


Yep, heard it all first hand.

The "it didn't mean anything" is classic for sure. And, add in generous amounts of TT. Oh, and don't forget the Multiply X 3 rule. "We only met twice!" Nope, it was 6 times. "It's only been going on 2 months." Nope, more like a half a year. Strange logic of the cheater... like minimizing the duration/encounters really makes things "better?".


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## turnera

The only thing I have to add is this: Monster has her parents supporting her. They have a grandchild. SOMEwhere along the line they're going to wake up and realize they risk losing a lot of access to their grandchild. Most people expect the kid to be living with the mother, even today. So it won't be long until Monster's parents pony up for a lawyer to try to get full custody of your kid. You should already be discussing how to avoid this with your lawyer.


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## jlg07

@SuperDad, how are things going? Even if your lawyer told you to stop posting, please just let us know. Hope all is going well for you....


----------



## personofinterest

jlg07 said:


> @SuperDad, how are things going? Even if your lawyer told you to stop posting, please just let us know. Hope all is going well for you....


Honestly, if his lawyer told him to stop posting, he doesnt need to let us know.


----------



## jlg07

agreed, but it would be nice just to know that. He has a tough road ahead of him, and he should know that we are here for him to vent/etc.. I do agree though he needs to follow his lawyers instructions.


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## 269370

Maybe they got back together. Or it turned out not to be her in the video :awink:


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## Rubix Cubed

inmyprime said:


> Maybe they got back together. Or it turned out not to be her in the video :awink:


 Or maybe she snapped and she and her boss butchered him with a cleaver and ate his liver with some fava beans.


----------



## 3putt

Rubix Cubed said:


> Or maybe she snapped and she and her boss butchered him with a cleaver and ate his liver with some fava beans.


The speculation is getting pretty ridiculous around here these days, huh?


----------



## Nucking Futs

3putt said:


> The speculation is getting pretty ridiculous around here these days, huh?


I agree. How could Rubix Cubed know what kind of knife they used? Pure speculation.


----------



## 3putt

Nucking Futs said:


> I agree. How could Rubix Cubed know what kind of knife they used? Pure speculation.


Exactly.


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## SuperDad

Sorry for not responding until now. Things are hectic and messy. My lawyer has told me not to post here for now. I'm just letting you know that I'm okay.

Monster and I are not together. No way. I will post an update when things are better and lawyer agrees.


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## jlg07

Best of luck @SuperDad -- sorry things are so bad for you right now. Absolutely follow your lawyers advice! Glad you are ok.


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## Kamstel

Hang in there super dad, listen to your lawyers advice 100% of the time!

We’ll be here when you need us


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## ABHale

SuperDad said:


> Sorry for not responding until now. Things are hectic and messy. My lawyer has told me not to post here for now. I'm just letting you know that I'm okay.
> 
> Monster and I are not together. No way. I will post an update when things are better and lawyer agrees.


Would suggest moving to private section.


----------



## TDSC60

Thanks for the note to let us know you are OK.

Very curious about the results of the DNA test, but if your lawyer said don't post, I would follow his advice.


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## Cynthia

ABHale said:


> Would suggest moving to private section.


He doesn't have enough posts to go to the private section.


----------



## ABHale

There’s always exemptions to a rule.


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## Suspicious1

I recall when my ex wife went ape **** on me right after D day, friends and acquaintances could not understand why she was acting insane, making my life a living hell. 
Many of them said to me you must had done something god awful for her to behave this way. 

I knew her, and the more atrocious she was the worst she would try to make me hurt. The devil, I'll tell you 

People with little self value , behave in this manner, they'll fight and bite, lose all dignity and lack any shame to get your attention and be noticed.
I've seen it first hand, and it seems SD is witnessing it too.

Stay strong and like my uncle who was giving great advise and support said to me remember all of this, it's good she's acting like this. It will be all the easier not to take her back.

Never did never will.

S1

Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


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## sokillme

Suspicious1 said:


> I recall when my ex wife went ape **** on me right after D day, friends and acquaintances could not understand why she was acting insane, making my life a living hell.
> Many of them said to me you must had done something god awful for her to behave this way.
> 
> I knew her, and the more atrocious she was the worst she would try to make me hurt. The devil, I'll tell you
> 
> People with little self value , behave in this manner, they'll fight and bite, lose all dignity and lack any shame to get your attention and be noticed.
> I've seen it first hand, and it seems SD is witnessing it too.
> 
> Stay strong and like my uncle who was giving great advise and support said to me remember all of this, it's good she's acting like this. It will be all the easier not to take her back.
> 
> Never did never will.
> 
> S1
> 
> Sent from my SM-G930T using Tapatalk


People with personality disorders and mental illness act this way too.


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## Adelais

@SuperDad, you can post 13 short posts on "fun" threads in the Social forum and then ask for this thread to be moved to Private. Then no one can google this thread and only TAM people with 30 posts can see it.


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## Easydoesit

I just joined TAM after reading for over a year. Your handling of your wife's infidelity is awe inspiring.
Sorry for the pain you went through.


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## MattMatt

*Moderator Message:*

This thread is now closed for further replies.


----------

