# God May Be Leading Me To Marry This Man, But He's Not What I Expected Or Wanted. HELP



## RitaRee

I met Reynold* six weeks ago. We talked. It was nice. Soon thereafter, he told me that he enjoyed our conversation and that he liked me a lot. We kept talking. 

About a month later, we were watching tv when suddenly his eyes widened and his skin got very pale, like he'd had seen a ghost! He told me he had a vision of me and him, but kept it very vague. After 1 week of me asking about it, he finally told me that God had given him a vision of us getting married, and that it scared him.


Later on, I prayed. And I heard the same answer. God even shared the ministry we'd have together(the type of ministry itself still surprises me as it doesnt seem like something I'm gifted for or would want to do...but if it's God, it'll happen). God also said that we'd have two different ministries that would help and support each other. 

*Still, I'm EXTREMELY HESISTANT about Reynold: 

1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.

2) He smokes. I dont.

3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly. 

4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.

5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).

6) I'm not physically attracted to him. *He's not ugly; he's just... not what I usually look at. I know the physical is NOT #1, but I do think it's important. 

I've asked God to match me with someone who I am physically attracted to, in marriage. So I do find it odd, that if this IS from Him, that He'd do this. I've actually asked God WHY Reynold, and He said "He will help you complete your purpose."


If this is NOT from God, I'll happily accept it. But, for whatever reason, I feel it is, which is ODD. Please, someone offer me advice. I feel very topsy-turvy on this issue. God says He's not a God of confusion, but I feel very confused about this.


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## imtamnew

Are you serious God spoke to you?

I usually get a out of network coverage error when I call him.
But the devil is always by my side.


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## Sandfly

I had the same vision. Raymond is a fraud. It wasn't him he saw in the marriage vision, it was me and you.

Do you have any property?

Are you for or against submissiveness in marriage?

Also, I command you to post a picture of yourself. 

That is all.


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## FormerSelf

RitaRee said:


> I met Reynold* six weeks ago. We talked. It was nice. Soon thereafter, he told me that he enjoyed our conversation and that he liked me a lot. We kept talking.
> 
> About a month later, we were watching tv when suddenly his eyes widened and his skin got very pale, like he'd had seen a ghost! He told me he had a vision of me and him, but kept it very vague. After 1 week of me asking about it, he finally told me that God had given him a vision of us getting married, and that it scared him.
> 
> 
> Later on, I prayed. And I heard the same answer. God even shared the ministry we'd have together(the type of ministry itself still surprises me as it doesnt seem like something I'm gifted for or would want to do...but if it's God, it'll happen). God also said that we'd have two different ministries that would help and support each other.
> 
> *Still, I'm EXTREMELY HESISTANT about Reynold:
> 
> 1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.
> 
> 2) He smokes. I dont.
> 
> 3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.
> 
> 4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.
> 
> 5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).
> 
> 6) I'm not physically attracted to him. *He's not ugly; he's just... not what I usually look at. I know the physical is NOT #1, but I do think it's important.
> 
> I've asked God to match me with someone who I am physically attracted to, in marriage. So I do find it odd, that if this IS from Him, that He'd do this. I've actually asked God WHY Reynold, and He said "He will help you complete your purpose."
> 
> 
> If this is NOT from God, I'll happily accept it. But, for whatever reason, I feel it is, which is ODD. Please, someone offer me advice. I feel very topsy-turvy on this issue. God says He's not a God of confusion, but I feel very confused about this.


It sounds like you are not peace with this...every decision that I felt like God had His hand in...I felt completely at peace about. Yeah, don't let this guy's intensity draw you in like a tractor beam...whether you feel like his assessment is accurate or not...because He has some flaws that you DO NOT want to sweep under the rug for God's "greater purpose." So even though at this stage you feel that God may have destined you together...and you decide to proceed...proceed in maturity, no blinders on. Confront the issues that bother you. Demand some sort of pre-marital counseling to your satisfaction...before some sort of betrothal is arranged...DON'T RUSH THIS because of a desperation to be in God's perfect will for your life. Expect very clear and specific family goals...about money, kids, and retirement. Have very clear goals and strategies regarding ministry. These things need to be set in stone before proceeding, before rings are bought...then I suggest lots of alone time between just you and God before you make a final decision...because God gives us a choice. And I think it's great that you want to put Him first in your life...and hopefully the guy does too, but we are still human, we are still prone to folly and bad habits...and that must be rooted out aggressively...or else all that you imagine and believe for will be torn asunder.


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## RitaRee

FormerSelf said:


> It sounds like you are not peace with this...every decision that I felt like God had His hand in...I felt completely at peace about. Yeah, don't let this guy's intensity draw you in like a tractor beam...whether you feel like his assessment is accurate or not...because He has some flaws that you DO NOT want to sweep under the rug for God's "greater purpose." So even though at this stage you feel that God may have destined you together...and you decide to proceed...proceed in maturity, no blinders on. Confront the issues that bother you. Demand some sort of pre-marital counseling to your satisfaction...before some sort of betrothal is arranged...DON'T RUSH THIS because of a desperation to be in God's perfect will for your life. Expect very clear and specific family goals...about money, kids, and retirement. Have very clear goals and strategies regarding ministry. These things need to be set in stone before proceeding, before rings are bought...then I suggest lots of alone time between just you and God before you make a final decision...because God gives us a choice. And I think it's great that you want to put Him first in your life...and hopefully the guy does too, but we are still human, we are still prone to folly and bad habits...and that must be rooted out aggressively...or else all that you imagine and believe for will be torn asunder.


I agree.
Last night, I asked God to take out all romantic feelings I have for Reynold. 

Today, I believe He's on route to answering that: Reynold called saying that "since he can't do affection without sex, then we'll have to be friends." He's said similar things before, but this time he sounds legit; sincere.

In fact, I've said this before to him, but I guess it takes time to absorb?

I'm interested to see how things turn out in the future, as THIS path of real friendship, is what gives me God-directed peace. Not the big fat bowl of wth-soup we were in before.


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## norajane

RitaRee said:


> *Still, I'm EXTREMELY HESISTANT about Reynold:
> 
> 1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.
> 
> 2) He smokes. I dont.
> 
> 3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.
> 
> 4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.
> 
> 5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).
> 
> 6) I'm not physically attracted to him. *He's not ugly; he's just... not what I usually look at. I know the physical is NOT #1, but I do think it's important.


I don't know what kind of God you pray to, but marrying someone who is completely incompatible with you is just setting yourself up for a divorce.

Don't be so silly as to ignore every single red flag you've noted. 

As far as your bf having a vision or being spoken to by God about marrying you...I'm pretty sure he's just trying to get in your pants and waving the marriage word around to convince you it's the right thing to do.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

In my experience, discernment (from God or the Universe, etc.) leaves you with an absolute feeling of clarity, and all of the pieces of the puzzle fit together. 

You seem extremely susceptible to suggestion and "enlightenment" and my discernment tells me that because of these you are being preyed (not meant to be a play on words, but...) upon. 

IF God means for you to be "matched" with this guy, it's so that you can have the satisfaction of having asked for advice, running a background check on him, cutting him off from whatever it is you've been giving him, investigating his past, and letting him follow you around like a puppy dog for an entire year doing anything and everything to show you he's worthy of your attention for the rest of your lives...including footing his own bills in his own place, and foregoing sex, alcohol and smoking so that living together until the end of your life (may come sooner than you think if you partner up with this guy) will not be a burden to you.

This guy saw that you are a deeply religious believer and he is a pro at playing people like you. Don't buy into it. Do you honestly think God would want you to be with someone you were never attracted to? Don't be HIS miracle when you're looking for one yourself. There's a huge difference. You would be manna from heaven for him...and him for you, imagine stepping out of bed into a pile of sh*t every day.


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## Sandfly

norajane said:


> I don't know what kind of God you pray to, but marrying someone who is completely incompatible with you is just setting yourself up for a divorce.
> 
> Don't be so silly as to ignore every single red flag you've noted.
> 
> As far as your bf having a vision or being spoken to by God about marrying you...*I'm pretty sure he's just trying to get in your pants* and waving the marriage word around to convince you it's the right thing to do.


:iagree: :iagree:

You (OP) sound vulnerable and a wee bit gullible. Even in a good person like myself, this sort of thing is a temptation difficult to resist.


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## SimplyAmorous

If God is speaking to a former Womanizer who is still chasing tail (what happened to being Born Again).....add some chain smoking.... Boozing daily - to the point of being plastered every weekend....(damn where are those fruits of the spirit - some self control - taking care of the flesh)... who impregnated 3 former women (well at least he pays for them).. love to hear what he does for a living! ... 

And now visions of Purpose...weeks after you meet (you can add smoking some crack, weed, Lsd on that list too)...... 

I am having a difficult time taking anything serious on this thread...


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## RitaRee

norajane said:


> I don't know what kind of God you pray to, but marrying someone who is completely incompatible with you is just setting yourself up for a divorce.
> 
> Don't be so silly as to ignore every single red flag you've noted.
> 
> As far as your bf having a vision or being spoken to by God about marrying you...I'm pretty sure he's just trying to get in your pants and waving the marriage word around to convince you it's the right thing to do.


He's not my boyfriend. Rather, we're just friends who've had romantic tendencies, until our phone conversation last night, about finally being "just friends" for real this time. But again, we'll see how that pans out. I earnestly hope this is sincere. I'd like to keep him as a friend, but I've heard so much advice to cut him off, that I'm giving thought to those reasonings as well.

I'd HATE to think he'd use the name of God to do that. I know that some people do. It'd really bother me that for someone who says that they want to do work in the name of the Lord, that they would use His name for something they know He wouldnt want. Again, I know it happens.


Again, I'm not jumping to marry the guy. I was just open to the fact of possibility because I know people where something similar has happened to them, over the course of time. Of course, much more time than what I have with this guy.



Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> In my experience, discernment (from God or the Universe, etc.) leaves you with an absolute feeling of clarity, and all of the pieces of the puzzle fit together.
> 
> You seem extremely susceptible to suggestion and "enlightenment" and my discernment tells me that because of these you are being preyed (not meant to be a play on words, but...) upon.
> 
> IF God means for you to be "matched" with this guy, it's so that you can have the satisfaction of having asked for advice, running a background check on him, cutting him off from whatever it is you've been giving him, investigating his past, and letting him follow you around like a puppy dog for an entire year doing anything and everything to show you he's worthy of your attention for the rest of your lives...including footing his own bills in his own place, and foregoing sex, alcohol and smoking so that living together until the end of your life (may come sooner than you think if you partner up with this guy) will not be a burden to you.
> 
> This guy saw that you are a deeply religious believer and he is a pro at playing people like you. Don't buy into it. Do you honestly think God would want you to be with someone you were never attracted to? Don't be HIS miracle when you're looking for one yourself. There's a huge difference. You would be manna from heaven for him...and him for you, imagine stepping out of bed into a pile of sh*t every day.


You're right. Thank you.



Sandfly said:


> :iagree: :iagree:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> SimplyAmorous said:
> 
> 
> 
> If God is speaking to a former Womanizer who is still chasing tail (what happened to being Born Again).....add some chain smoking.... Boozing daily - to the point of being plastered every weekend....(damn where are those fruits of the spirit - some self control - taking care of the flesh)... who impregnated 3 former women (well at least he pays for them).. love to hear what he does for a living! ...
> 
> And now visions of Purpose...weeks after you meet (you can add smoking some crack, weed, Lsd on that list too)......
> 
> I am having a difficult time taking anything serious on this thread...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I'm not sure to the extent of what his chase is right now. I just know that he's talking to a certain woman right now. He told me they had a fwb relationship. But, knowing what I know about him, he could just be saying that, while acting more substantial with her, while he's actually with her. He could be complaining that she's "too clingy" and "thinks sex with him forms a relationship" while, with her, giving her the reasons to believe those things. Two sided. Players do that. And he has described himself as a player. I hate players. But, since we both have spiritual interests, I wanted to believe the best about him. I still want to believe the best about him. It's just disheartening to know that he probably won't change because he likes his behaviors so much
Click to expand...


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## bandit.45

Oh mannnnnn!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt

> It's just disheartening to know that he probably won't change because he likes his behaviors so much


What you described is a man that is purposely violating God’s instructions for pleasing Him. *God is not going to use a man for His purpose that is sinning against Him. IMO*


This man is very mixed up or a player or both. I would suggest that you not even be friends with him and cut him off NOW!!

If you ignore the advice on this forum and play with fire you are going to get burnt and it could be permanent burns.

RUN FOREST RUN!!!




> 1)	He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.
> 
> 2) He smokes. I dont.
> 
> 3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.
> 
> 4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.
> 
> 5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).



I have seen women foolish enough to get involved with men like this and now *they just cry and moan how their life is ruined*. It is too late for them because the time to avoid that wretched life was when they were in your shoes and could decide to get involved or not. You will live with your choices


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## RitaRee

Mr Blunt said:


> What you described is a man that is purposely violating God’s instructions for pleasing Him. *God is not going to use a man for His purpose that is sinning against Him. IMO*
> 
> 
> This man is very mixed up or a player or both. I would suggest that you not even be friends with him and cut him off NOW!!
> 
> If you ignore the advice on this forum and play with fire you are going to get burnt and it could be permanent burns.
> 
> RUN FOREST RUN!!!


A lot of people have been saying that: cut him off completely. I know I'm oblivious and that' why I'm asking this:

As far as cutting him off as a friend, is it because you think his qualities would make him incapable of doing that without some type of instant gratification?[/quote]


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## norajane

Between his three sets of children, the drinking and partying, and the womanizing, when exactly would he find time to be an actual friend to you? What does he contribute to a friendship with you? 

Do you have other friends?


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## RitaRee

norajane said:


> Between his three sets of children, the drinking and partying, and the womanizing, when exactly would he find time to be an actual friend to you? What does he contribute to a friendship with you?
> 
> Do you have other friends?


Norajane, you ask a wonderful question. And it's actually one that I've been thinking on for a while. Particularly since I've started talking to another guy, who's actually been a positive influence on me and encourages me improve. In comparison, although Reynold likes to talk about spirituality, which I do love, I dont feel we have much in common because we're so opposite: the smoking, drinking, and questionable behaviors....

When do he have time to be an actual friend? Hmm, we'd hang out after work, and sometimes he'd buy me lunch. Some weekends we would hangout and talk. We both live on base overseas. His kids and baby mamas live back in the States. That's how.

What does he contribute? Like I've said, I've been asking that. Aside from good conversation and an occassional free meal, ...not much sadly.

On the other hand though, I do felt more negative around him:
-I felt more insecure...because I've caught him lying about a particular woman, when he didnt have to say anything at all. Not just once have I caught him lying about her either...

-More unsure because I want boundaries, and he seems to be very open; too open at times.

To his defense, we did talk last night, and he said that "since he can't do affection without sex that we must be just friends." He sounded sincere. ...But maybe it's an act. Maybe it'll just be a matter of time before he becomes sexually ambiguous with boundaries and pressures me about mine. Time will tell....particularly if he starts having issues with the other girl he's seeing.

At any rate though, I'm tired of caring about his whereabouts. I really want to arrive of the place of non-care about him, again.

As far as friends, I keep few real friends. Partially, by choice. I'd rather have a deep relationship with a small group, than a shallow one with many. Besides him, the "friends" I have are mostly tied to Reynold, which may not be good. As far as my "own" friends, Im currently speaking to one guy, Kevin*. But it's more romantic in nature. In fact, he's the one who I said is very positive and got me to compare how beneficial, or rather non-beneficial, interacting with Reynold has been on me mentally. Kevin's very uplifting and encouraging. I'm not saying Reynold is not. But with Reynold he likes to talk about doing good, rather than actually doing it. Kevin talks AND does good.

Besides Kevin, I dont really have close friends. In fact, that's one of my issues personally. I'm a recluse.


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## norajane

You need some girlfriends. All your so-called friends are men that you are flirting with - those are not friends, and they will not last once the flirtation is over one way or another.

Aren't there any women at whatever church you attend?


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## arbitrator

*I'd talk to your Church pastor about this. Given your story as well as his track record, I'd greatly say that he would tell you to take a pass on Reynold! He could well be trying to pull the wool down over your eyes!

Your gut instinct speaks volumes! Listen to it intently!*


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## mel123

Talk to some older Godly women in your church who have had a successful spiritual life. They have made mistakes and can give you good advice( be careful who you get advice from) chose only those who have a "Grip on life" and your pastor as someone else said.

There is a reason you don't have peace and are confused ...RUN


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## Mr Blunt

> A lot of people have been saying that: cut him off completely. I know I'm oblivious and that' why I'm asking this:
> 
> As far as cutting him off as a friend, is it because you think his qualities would make him incapable of doing that without some type of instant gratification?[/


Ask yourself these questions:

*1	Do you want to be friends with a “Womanizer”?

2	Do you want to be friends with a person that gets drunk on weekends?

3	If he could not remain friends with the 3 women that he knocked up do you think that he will really be your friend?

4	Do you want to be friends of a person that talks the talk but does not walk the walk?*


Are you sacrificing the wisdom of the Bible for your own agenda?

I find it hard to believe that you are confused about Reynold. You have articulated the main character of Reynold in your posts. Why do you have to ask us about Reynold? I am wondering if you really want advice about Renold or is there some other agenda you are after? The reason that I ask is because it is very plain to most posters on here that Reynold is a loser. *Why do you not see that?*

You say that you like to talk about spirituality with Reynold. *Do you find it somewhat contradictory that you like to talk to a man that is a womanizer, a drunk, has knocked up three different women and is mostly talk with no action?[/B

What are your motives?*


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## FormerSelf

The more I read, the more I see that he is testing your boundaries for his advantage. My suggestion is to take a pass on this guy...then go out and redefine yourself and your life. 

If you have a deep need to be in the ministry then go out and do it...as you don't need to be married to do that...and even Paul says that he finds single life far more suitable for the ministry...but if you do get married...then make sure you and your partner are lock-step in accord in the same mindset. I don't wanna say bad and judgmental things about this guy, but I fail to see a relationship in this that would be "equally yoked", since he is privy to lifestyle that you aren't cool with...not to mention being inundated with his baggage and history (not to mention drama)...I see that being a hindrance in your pursuits rather then a help.

It's funny how God speaks...sometimes it's clear, sometimes it's muddled...and many times we confuse our voice with His voice. It is always good to practice that under the guidance of someone more knowledgeable and experienced...someone who can help discern. I think this guy pushed a button that he knew would strike a chord with you...wanting to serve God with a partner...but then he brings up this odd line about sex...which creates this awkward pressure. I believe if you create some distance with this man, I think you will probably feel an overall sense of relief and your head should clear up. Which to me highlights something problematic...which is that you need to make sure that you start to develop some palpable boundaries surrounding who you are. Boundaries by Henry Cloud is a good book. Start developing with God your identity (likes, dislikes, dreams, aspirations) and get emboldened with those things that you know have sprung forth from you own soul and in conversations with God...so that when people cross your path and test those boundaries...that you will have a solid framework of what directs your yes/no.


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## SlowlyGettingWiser

RitaRee said:


> I just know that he's talking to a certain woman right now. He told me they had a fwb relationship...And he has described himself as a player.


*3 children by 3 DIFFERENT women!?!* 

And he's currently banging a FWB
And he drinks DAILY
And he smokes
And he's a self-admitted womanizer & player
Now I am NOT religious, (I believe in God, but not religion) but simple logic tells me that if God was going to speak to Reynold, it would be to bytch-slap him about his ridiculous lifestyle, his hypocrisy in "talking" God and "walking" in shadow; it would be to tell Reynold to straighten up before God smites him. It would NOT be to tell Reynold 'go ahead and muck up a faithful believer's life'!

...see what I'm sayin?

Reynold is a LIAR. He's running a 'line' on you. He knows you're religious, so he runs a 'God spoke to me' line on you. It would be interesting to know what 'line' he ran on each of his baby mamas! (Oh, you're a singer?!? Unbelievable, I'm getting in the music business...just starting up my own record label! Oh, you wanna model? Hey, baby, I am just starting my own photography business! I can do your portfolio; we can submit some shots and then we can both get into the business.) See what I mean? He didn't get THREE (3) baby mamas by going to church regularly and doing God's will, did he?

Dump this loser/user. You DON'T need "friends" like this (some drunken day he'll go too far!). Drop your other friends if they're friends of Reynold's. You need a new RELIGIOUS circle of friends. They're out there; you'll find them. You'll know them when you find them. And they will have been worth the wait!

PS: You've only known Reynold & his friends for 6 weeks...they're not FRIENDS, they're *acquaintances*.

*hugs* to you and best wishes on expanding into a new circle of WORTHY friends for yourself in 2014!


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## arbitrator

norajane said:


> *Between his three sets of children, the drinking and partying, and the womanizing...*


*Other than for his boozing, are you absolutely sure that he may not be sympathetic to one of those far out Mormon sects? Sure sounds like it! 

Personally, I'd avoid him like the plague!*


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## bandit.45

I'm not religious, but I do talk to God alot through prayer and meditation. 

And in 40 odd years He has never once openly spoken to me, nor have I had a vision. 

Lady, this boyfriend of yours is a snake oil salesman. Tell him to get back on his barrel wagon and take his gypsy dog and pony show down the road.


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## ConanHub

Run don't walk, away from this player.
I have heard from God once or twice and he never told me to have sex with a particular woman.
This Guy is bad news.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt

> Qu*ote by SlowingGettingWiser ( SGW)*
> 3 children by 3 DIFFERENT women!?!
> •	And he's currently banging a FWB
> •	And he drinks DAILY
> •	And he smokes
> •	And he's a self-admitted womanizer & player
> Now I am NOT religious, (I believe in God, but not religion) but simple logic tells me that if God was going to speak to Reynold, it would be to bytch-slap him about his ridiculous lifestyle, his hypocrisy in "talking" God and "walking" in shadow; it would be to tell Reynold to straighten up before God smites him. It would NOT be to tell Reynold 'go ahead and muck up a faithful believer's life'!
> 
> ...see what I'm sayin?
> 
> Reynold is a LIAR. He's running a 'line' on you.
> 
> Dump this loser/user.


I thought that I was BLUNT but SGW lets everyone know exactly how she sees this fiasco!

Love it SGW!!


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Your buddy has some serious mental health issues. You mentioned being on a base. I'd steer clear of him and do damage control to CYA. Assume you are working on the base, either as a civilian or military.


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## tulsy

RitaRee said:


> I met Reynold* six weeks ago. ...About a month later, ...He told me he had a vision of me and him,... getting married,....
> 
> *Later on, I prayed. And I heard the same answer. God even shared the ministry we'd have together... God also said that we'd have two different ministries ...*
> 
> *Still, I'm EXTREMELY HESISTANT about Reynold:
> 
> 1) He's described himself as a womanizer before, and told me that he likes to chase women.
> 
> 2) He smokes. I dont.
> 
> 3) He drinks...a LOT. Everyday to every other day, he drinks. And he likes to get drunk on weekends. I do worry that he may be a problem drinker because he doesnt go long without some type of drink. Im the opposite: I drink seldomly.
> 
> 4) He has 3 kids by 3 different women, but he is supporting each like he should.
> 
> 5)He's divorced. (This isnt to jar at anyone who's divorced; I just imagined the person I end up marrying being a noob like me, so to speak).
> 
> 6) I'm not physically attracted to him. *He's not ugly; he's just... not what I usually look at. I know the physical is NOT #1, but I do think it's important.
> 
> *...I've actually asked God WHY Reynold, and He said "He will help you complete your purpose."*
> 
> 
> If this is NOT from God, I'll happily accept it. But, for whatever reason, I feel it is, which is ODD. Please, someone offer me advice. I feel very topsy-turvy on this issue. God says He's not a God of confusion, but I feel very confused about this.


If you're honestly having auditory hallucinations and delusions like this, where "God" is telling you to marry someone who is so obviously wrong for you, you should be extremely concerned. IMO, you should consider speaking with a psychologist. 

Don't you find it peculiar how it was only after the guy told you about his "vision", that "God" started talking to you about it? 

First thing I would do is remove this person from my life. The manipulating, womanizing, drunkard baby-daddy seems to be able to convince you of strange things very easily. And even though you believe that "God" backed up his statements, it all fell apart in days...doesn't that make you think that just MAYBE you weren't actually talking to "God"? 

Don't let this guy try and brainwash you, and don't think the voice in you head is God...it's just you talking to yourself, no different than when you talk to yourself out loud.


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## Sandfly

tulsy said:


> Don't let this guy try and brainwash you, and don't think the voice in you head is God...it's just you talking to yourself, no different than when you talk to yourself out loud.


I dunno, I have visions in my dreams all the time. They normally point me in the right direction. There is a different feeling about these dreams.

Some of them are pretty specific.

One of them is that I will die when I am 33. I know where I will be, the cause, and what I will look like.

I turn 33 in six months, and it doesn't worry me. I just wonder what will come after, if anything.


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## doubletrouble

People think when someone says God spoke to them, that means there was a voice from the heavens, deep, authoritative, booming. Not. Look for the feeling of peace within you. If God has spoken, you will find peace within yourself. That's where God is speaking to you. Not to your ears, not necessarily in a dream, and not so others can hear it. 

You sound a little weak and naive, to be blunt. You are letting yourself be manipulated, not only by Reynold, but I think Kevin, too. I feel kevin sees your weakness being exploited by Reynold, and is working his own angle to show you he's not that way. But it smells like a ploy. 

To help you with this, I think the suggestion of speaking to elders, people you respect and can trust, is a good way for you to find a path to better understanding of yourself, and your relationship with God.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Sandfly said:


> I dunno, I have visions in my dreams all the time. They normally point me in the right direction. There is a different feeling about these dreams.
> 
> Some of them are pretty specific.
> 
> One of them is that I will die when I am 33. I know where I will be, the cause, and what I will look like.
> 
> I turn 33 in six months, and it doesn't worry me. I just wonder what will come after, if anything.


Regardless, you should try thinking for a change that you will have to live with your decisions for a very long time. I honestly think that you could do with a visit to a psychiatrist. Being a recluse may not give you much opportunity for building relational skills, also does not give you much of an opportunity to test your beliefs against day to day life.  Maybe your thinking and beliefs and visions are not quite right. But if you keep to yourself and don't talk to anyone, how will you ever know? Only a complete despot, a recluse or a person with psychiatric issues has the "privilege" of thinking their beliefs could be real, the rest of us test them out on a daily basis.


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## Sandfly

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Regardless, you should try thinking for a change that you will have to live with your decisions for a very long time. I honestly think that you could do with a visit to a psychiatrist. Being a recluse may not give you much opportunity for building relational skills, also does not give you much of an opportunity to test your beliefs against day to day life. Maybe your thinking and beliefs and visions are not quite right. But if you keep to yourself and don't talk to anyone, how will you ever know? Only a complete despot, a recluse or a person with psychiatric issues has the "privilege" of thinking their beliefs could be real, the rest of us test them out on a daily basis.


Have you quoted the wrong person? 

I'm not the recluse, the OP is.


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## RitaRee

norajane said:


> You need some girlfriends. All your so-called friends are men that you are flirting with - those are not friends, and they will not last once the flirtation is over one way or another.
> 
> Aren't there any women at whatever church you attend?


I do. I have a hard time maintaining connections with others. On top of that I'm new here, I'm still trying to find a new church home. 



Mr Blunt said:


> Ask yourself these questions:
> 
> *1	Do you want to be friends with a “Womanizer”?
> 
> 2	Do you want to be friends with a person that gets drunk on weekends?
> 
> 3	If he could not remain friends with the 3 women that he knocked up do you think that he will really be your friend?
> 
> 4	Do you want to be friends of a person that talks the talk but does not walk the walk?*
> 
> 
> Are you sacrificing the wisdom of the Bible for your own agenda?
> 
> I find it hard to believe that you are confused about Reynold. You have articulated the main character of Reynold in your posts. Why do you have to ask us about Reynold? I am wondering if you really want advice about Renold or is there some other agenda you are after? The reason that I ask is because it is very plain to most posters on here that Reynold is a loser. *Why do you not see that?*
> 
> You say that you like to talk about spirituality with Reynold. *Do you find it somewhat contradictory that you like to talk to a man that is a womanizer, a drunk, has knocked up three different women and is mostly talk with no action?[/B
> 
> What are your motives?*


*

I agree with what the other posters and have said, and after some introspection, I can now see that Reynold is not enhancing my life the way I think a real friend should. I believe you should at least respect your friends. I dont respect Reynold. And I dont think he fully accepts who I am as a person either.

Therefore, I've been cutting back my interactions with him. I no longer go out my way to see him. But if we bump into each other (since we work together and live in the same building) then I'm cordial but I keep conversation short.

I do feel some type of mourning though, because some part of me does feel guilty about cutting him off even though it's the right thing. 

How do I get rid of the guilt?*


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## RitaRee

SlowlyGettingWiser said:


> *3 children by 3 DIFFERENT women!?!*
> 
> And he's currently banging a FWB
> And he drinks DAILY
> And he smokes
> And he's a self-admitted womanizer & player
> Now I am NOT religious, (I believe in God, but not religion) but simple logic tells me that if God was going to speak to Reynold, it would be to bytch-slap him about his ridiculous lifestyle, his hypocrisy in "talking" God and "walking" in shadow; it would be to tell Reynold to straighten up before God smites him. It would NOT be to tell Reynold 'go ahead and muck up a faithful believer's life'!
> 
> ...see what I'm sayin?
> 
> Reynold is a LIAR. He's running a 'line' on you. He knows you're religious, so he runs a 'God spoke to me' line on you. It would be interesting to know what 'line' he ran on each of his baby mamas! (Oh, you're a singer?!? Unbelievable, I'm getting in the music business...just starting up my own record label! Oh, you wanna model? Hey, baby, I am just starting my own photography business! I can do your portfolio; we can submit some shots and then we can both get into the business.) See what I mean? He didn't get THREE (3) baby mamas by going to church regularly and doing God's will, did he?
> 
> Dump this loser/user. You DON'T need "friends" like this (some drunken day he'll go too far!). Drop your other friends if they're friends of Reynold's. You need a new RELIGIOUS circle of friends. They're out there; you'll find them. You'll know them when you find them. And they will have been worth the wait!
> 
> PS: You've only known Reynold & his friends for 6 weeks...they're not FRIENDS, they're *acquaintances*.
> 
> *hugs* to you and best wishes on expanding into a new circle of WORTHY friends for yourself in 2014!


THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!

You're very right! And I feel very stupid about it.

I think one of the reasons I feel bad about letting him go, is because I'm so poor at making and maintaing friendships. Like I said before, I'm a recluse. I definitely need more friends.




Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Your buddy has some serious mental health issues. You mentioned being on a base. I'd steer clear of him and do damage control to CYA. Assume you are working on the base, either as a civilian or military.


What kind of damage control are you referring to?

Yes. He and I are both military.


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## doubletrouble

RitaRee said:


> How do I get rid of the guilt?


Guilt comes from within. Only you can get rid of it. 

Recognize why you are making this change. You are trying to make your life better, everry day that you are alive. Why feel guilty about that? Life is not a bowl of cherries; it's hard at times. There are many days you have to do things you don't feel good about doing, but know they have to be done.

Guilt is not a healthy thing to hang onto, although it can be a great motivator. Use this feeling, for now, before you get rid of it completely, to motivate yourself to cleanse your life from succubi and parasites. You are already seeing the wisdom in this change. That, in and of itself, should ease your conscience. 

You don't have to live to anyone else's standard but your own. When someone imposes their standard on you, it's up to you to decide whether that's something you want to live with. It's always your choice. Choose wisely. 

How do you choose wisely? Make mistakes, learn, move ahead. We who have lived 50+ years have made LOTS of mistakes, and we seem wiser for it (well, some of us). So again, put more of your time in, engaging with "seasoned" people. Be as open as you are comfortable with being, and learn. 

I was lucky as a teenager to spend five summers working with my Grandfather. I gained a lot of insight about life from him. While not all old people are respectable, it's pretty easy to pick out those who are, by just spending a little time with them. 

Good luck in this learning process, and God bless.


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## RitaRee

doubletrouble said:


> You don't have to live to anyone else's standard but your own. When someone imposes their standard on you, it's up to you to decide whether that's something you want to live with. It's always your choice. Choose wisely.


THIS was what saved me.

I did feel guilty before. But after what happened yesterday: I no longer do.

For the past several days, I've distanced myself from Reynold. I avoided his calls and texts. I stopped going out my way to see him.

However, two days ago, when I checked my phone I noticed Reynold had been texting me back to back, trying to get in contact. Since I hadnt decided on how much I wanted to cut our friendship (whether completely cut it off , or to keep it cordial when we bump into each other), I sent him a text back saying "hi." He asked how I was and said he's been wanting to talk about his new "spiritual realizations" and wanted my input; Reynold then asked: "Do you want to do dinner tomorrow evening?"

I got an odd feeling. My intution said he had other motivations. So, I answered, "I'm busy tomorrow evening but we can hang out earlier in the day, if you like." He agreed. The next day came: No call. No text. Nothing. I dodged a bullet.

After thinking about it, I became furious. I felt like meat. Like trash. He talked all this garbage about wanting to get back on the straight and narrow path...And we BOTH agreed it was healthier to be just friends, then back to the ambiguous-ness of what we had before. I'm upset and know I'd probably say something I regret. Or that with him, he might try to flip it back on me. I think I should continue what I was doing before: avoidance and a clear fade out from being around him. I have peace on this now


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## Sandfly

He sounds like a "closet narcissist" (hard to spell that word!!).
He just says things to get your attention, and I don't think he understands when he says things that backfire, such as admitting to being a 'player'.

What does he do for a job? I must have missed it. He's kinda living with his head in the clouds. Sure, if he's got three kids to three women, he may as well be flipping burgers and living in a pineapple under the sea!

Maya Angelou once said, when someone tells or shows you who they are, believe them. 

You can do better than him!


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## RitaRee

Sandfly said:


> He sounds like a "closet narcissist" (hard to spell that word!!).
> He just says things to get your attention, and I don't think he understands when he says things that backfire, such as admitting to being a 'player'.
> 
> What does he do for a job? I must have missed it. He's kinda living with his head in the clouds. Sure, if he's got three kids to three women, he may as well be flipping burgers and living in a pineapple under the sea!
> 
> Maya Angelou once said, when someone tells or shows you who they are, believe them.
> 
> You can do better than him!


We're both active military. And I think that's part of the reason he joined: it pays more than what his other alternatives could be.


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## bagdon

I don't mean to be offensive but your entire thread sounds Flighty. So much so that I too find this post hard to believe. You sound like a person that is very vulnerable and easily taken advantage of. 

You posted this in "Relationships & spirituality" ??? This situation is so far outside the bounds of spirituality it's just... hard to believe.

Anyway, I didn't read every post on here but I would advise you to end this "relationship" as well. Kind of sounds to me like you're both just looking for an encounter to take place...nothing spiritual about that. I would also recommend counseling. You need therapy.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Sandfly said:


> Have you quoted the wrong person?
> 
> I'm not the recluse, the OP is.


All of that was directed at the OP. When you QUOTE someone, you are quoting them, not directing a comment AT them. 

Anyhow, this is OT so keeping it short.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

RitaRee said:


> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS!
> 
> You're very right! And I feel very stupid about it.
> 
> I think one of the reasons I feel bad about letting him go, is because I'm so poor at making and maintaing friendships. Like I said before, I'm a recluse. I definitely need more friends.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What kind of damage control are you referring to?
> 
> Yes. He and I are both military.


Damage control like making sure your supervisor and higher ups know that you are cutting ties with this person. If he is the type of person he seems like, he may try to retaliate or blackmail you into socializing with him, or otherwise make trouble for you professionally. It's easy to do in the military. Just make a report that someone is suicidal, or said something or went somewhere they weren't supposed to be... there are also basic security clearances. That's what I'm saying when I refer to damage control. Watch your back, and make it official who you are and aren't being buddies with. That way your supervisors or others will know if they hear any reports, to take them with a grain of salt and ask for evidence. You don't want to end up in the mental health clinic wondering why you're being asked about suicide or making statements you didn't make. BTDT. Really IRRITATING. But could be damaging...especially if you have been hanging out with the wrong crowd before turning a corner (I never did but you never know who is involved with what...he could have been grooming you or setting you up for something...) Or he could just be one of those really irritating OSI types. Blech.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

As for having been more than friends, don't worry about moving on. I had a few similar encounters and can't even remember the guys' names. That's how insignificant they become. You will learn from experience, nobody is perfect the first time around and the military is kind of odd in that way, you would think people would have it more together...but it does provide housing, structure, pay and good mobility to avoid building up reputation and constant stream of new people to socially scam, and there is a lot of religious stuff going on too, especially among enlisted...some good some kind of extreme or fringe. 

Take up bowling or ping pong and stick to the hobby, you'll be good. Also regular running clubs and stuff like that or off-duty on-base education programs. Stay away from poker games and non-base-sponsored religious activities, and if you are living in barracks talk to your 1st Sgt to get a good roommate, someone who will truly be your buddy and watch your back. If you want to go out dancing, use the base rec like the NCO club (or O Club if you're an officer) and go back home with a buddy about an hour before closing...or go to a late-night movie and then home to bed.

Don't text on the job. Don't let guys stop by to see you on the job. If they do tell them to back off, you're working. Tell them loudly if they don't listen to polite and discreet. 

Maybe some will call you a b*tch but you will feel better about yourself and have more control over your life...also make sure you are doing everything you can to advance. Take on an extra duty like for an aid society (Army or Air Force or whatever...) where you can be secretary or Treasurer...

Do language training. You should be at least bilingual.


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