# Heartless



## Ninja500 (Apr 16, 2013)

I'm in shock. Long story, my aunt fell and broker her hip 2 weeks ago. My h did not understand my need to see her so quickly and said I could have postponed the trip. Ignoring his comments, I quickly flew to see her before she died. Trying to get to see her was hard as my flight was cancelled, but managed to see her before she died two days later. I have always told my H that I planned on attending her funeral. I flew out to her funeral (different state) and was gone for 2 days. When I returned home, I knew my H was upset that I had gone and last night he chose to pick a fight and say our marriage was over because I did not discuss how much the airfare was (we have plenty of $$ and my Aunt's estate will be paying me for the flight) He saw how much the airfare was and flew off the handle saying that I have damaged the marriage by not talking to him about the money. Of course, bad timing my parents are visiting this weekend and he said we'd talk more when they leave. He also said that all I cared about was getting an inheritance and money. He is so heartless. I know if anyone in his family were to die today, he would not care.


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## Ninja500 (Apr 16, 2013)

I also think there is something seriously wrong with him. He has anger management issues and a few days ago, he pushed the dog, causing the dog to wimper. He then grabbed the dog by the head and squeezed his head until the dog starting screaming. I yelled at him to stop and he threw the dog off the bed.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

How's the rest of your marriage? Having great sex? This surely is just a small part of your issues.

Make sure you keep any inheritance cash totally separate from your joint accounts. Might just what you need to start over and find someone that isn't an *******.


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## NothingsOriginal (Sep 23, 2016)

I am feeling circular logic here....

He is upset that you spent money (that is technically half his) without his permission...
followed by his accusing you of only caring about the inheritance (which upon arrival is also half his)...

Did I read that right? Sure sounds to me like he is angry about something else and just venting via this channel.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

Ninja500 said:


> I also think there is something seriously wrong with him. He has anger management issues and a few days ago, he pushed the dog, causing the dog to wimper. He then grabbed the dog by the head and squeezed his head until the dog starting screaming. I yelled at him to stop and he threw the dog off the bed.


Well, that was certainly psychotic.

I looked back, and you've been talking about divorcing this nut for two or three years. What on earth is keeping you in this marriage?


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Ninja500 said:


> I also think there is something seriously wrong with him. He has anger management issues and a few days ago, he pushed the dog, causing the dog to wimper. He then grabbed the dog by the head and squeezed his head until the dog starting screaming. I yelled at him to stop and he threw the dog off the bed.



He is abusive. Although he did not hurt you physically, it is intimidation, perhaps a threat at this point. Get started on a legal separation and whatever inheritence, keep it separate from joint assets or accounts.

I suggest if possible, record his actions for a protection order. Research emotional and psychological abuse.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Ninja500 said:


> I also think there is something seriously wrong with him. He has anger management issues and a few days ago, he pushed the dog, causing the dog to wimper. He then grabbed the dog by the head and squeezed his head until the dog starting screaming. I yelled at him to stop and he threw the dog off the bed.






Mr.Fisty said:


> He is abusive. Although he did not hurt you physically, it is intimidation, perhaps a threat at this point. Get started on a legal separation and whatever inheritence, keep it separate from joint assets or accounts.
> 
> I suggest if possible, record his actions for a protection order. Research emotional and psychological abuse.


I agree with Mr.Fisty. This is really serious. What he did is abusive not only to the dog, but to you as well. Take it as a threat. Forget about trying to make nice for your parents. It's time to tell the truth about what's going on and making a plan to get out asap. When someone does what your husband did to the dog, in front of you, he is telling you something and you had better listen or you could be next. Run.



NothingsOriginal said:


> I am feeling circular logic here....
> 
> He is upset that you spent money (that is technically half his) without his permission...
> followed by his accusing you of only caring about the inheritance (which upon arrival is also half his)...
> ...


Not true. Inheritance is not community property. It only belongs to the one that it was willed to, but it cannot be placed in a joint account. It has to be held out separately.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What he did to the dog is enough to kick him out of the bed permanently. That is sick. Do not allow him near your animals. 

Open a new bank account in your name only and deposit any monies from the inheritance into it. Do not spend so much as a penny of it on anything related to the family or marriage. That is all it would take for the court to deem the inheritance is half his. Should you inherit jewelry or anything that can be sold take pictures of it so you can prove it was your inheritance.

What do your parents think of his selfish, abusive behavior?


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## Ninja500 (Apr 16, 2013)

My family supports me in whatever I decide. I can never get the words out that I am unhappy and want a divorce. I feel so weak.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

It's simple. You say "Mom, Dad, I want a divorce and I'm scared". They'll take it from there.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> It's simple. You say "Mom, Dad, I want a divorce and I'm scared". They'll take it from there.


This. If you have to write it on a piece of paper and have them read this thread.

You can leave him. Really - you can. Get help from your parents. Can they come early? Can you send them an e-mail and write it to them?


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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Ninja500 said:


> I also think there is something seriously wrong with him. He has anger management issues and a few days ago, he pushed the dog, causing the dog to wimper. He then grabbed the dog by the head and squeezed his head until the dog starting screaming. I yelled at him to stop and he threw the dog off the bed.


Jesus! I'd be terrified if my husband did that. Poor Dog.  

Does your husband have money troubles that he's not telling you about? 

I can't understand why a man would behave in the manner, especially if a dear family member has passed away. 
He's behaving in a heartless way, but why? 
Is this new behaviour only recent? 

Sent from my B1-730HD using Tapatalk


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Ninja500 said:


> My family supports me in whatever I decide. I can never get the words out that I am unhappy and want a divorce. I feel so weak.



Is there someone you can get to act as your proxy? For instance, seek legal counseling, get the protection order, get started on the legal separation and surround yourself with a supportive group like family. You do not have to face him in person if you feel like your safety is at stake.

Also, get in touch with a shelter or other organizations to help you go through the process. You have options but only you can choose those options and value yourself enough to seek safety.

There are people that care about you and would feel sad if anything happens to you.


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## Ninja500 (Apr 16, 2013)

I work in the legal field and could probably get some referrals. I looked at divorce papers a few years ago and they were so intimidating to fill out.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

No more excuses. Just tell the jerk you want a divorce. Figure out where you want to live first. Also cancel any joint credit cards or lines of credit.


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## EunuchMonk (Jan 3, 2016)

Read your other threads, @Ninja500. Aren't you afraid of this type of behaviour escalating?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I'm so sorry for the loss of your aunt Nina, very sad.

Your husband is a heartless, abusive knobjockey. Please get yourself out of there - and please take that poor dog with you. If you can't take him with you, take him somewhere safe, please don't leave him there.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

Ninja500 said:


> I also think there is something seriously wrong with him. He has anger management issues and a few days ago, he pushed the dog, causing the dog to wimper. He then grabbed the dog by the head and squeezed his head until the dog starting screaming. I yelled at him to stop and he threw the dog off the bed.


If you aren't ging to leave him, please consider rehoming any pets you have. This man is dangerous. If you want to subject yourself to him, that's on you, but don't subject innocent creatures to this..person...you married.



Ninja500 said:


> I work in the legal field and could probably get some referrals. I looked at divorce papers a few years ago and they were so intimidating to fill out.


I have a GED and managed to get my divorce papers purchased, filled out, and filed. As someone who works in the legal field, you surely have contacts that could help you if you need. 

I was an abused wife. My exH was both physically and mentally abusive. Hell, the last night he spent under the same roof he was escorted off the property by the police for strangling me on the stairs until I lost control of my bladder and was nearly unconscious. I had 2 kids, 6 and 1 year old. I had no family who could help me in any way, no assets, not even a car. If I could do it, you got no excuse.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

Yes, this is simple, although possibly not easy. You have to get out, now.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I watched one of the Penny Dreadful episodes where Dr. Frankenstein's original creation visited after a long separation.

He re-visited by popping out of Frankenstein's #2 hunk of a......thing.

Soon you will see something pop out of your husband. It will smell of sulfur and burnt flesh.


Seriously, your' husbands mind is coming unwound. When it gets to the last 10% of the wrap, he will unleash a torrent of dangerous inner demons.

He needs serious help. He needs serious medication. Try to arrange this for him. Ask his family for help. Explain the situation in full.

And then paddle your craft down the river. The old Missouri boat ride. No tow rope to shore, just the gentle current, heading East and then South.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Save yourself. Save your dog. If you have children, save them too.

How?

Run away with them all and leave your abusive husband.

And have your dog seen by a vet.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Ninja500 said:


> I work in the legal field and could probably get some referrals. I looked at divorce papers a few years ago and they were so intimidating to fill out.


That's why your lawyer will help you fill them out.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

NothingsOriginal said:


> I am feeling circular logic here....
> 
> He is upset that you spent money (that is technically half his) without his permission...
> followed by his accusing you of only caring about the inheritance (which upon arrival is also half his)...
> ...


Inheritance is not half his. It's separate property as long as she keeps it in a separate account that does not have his name on it and that no martial money is put into.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

I agree with the other folks who said to tell your parents while they are visiting. They will help you get a divorce in motion. Let them read this thread at the very least.

If you feel overwhelmed doing the divorce papers yourself, get an attorney. Go open an account in your name only and transfer half of all cash that you both have into that account. And then move out of the house you with living in with him. He's too dangerous for you to stay there. Take the dog and any other animals with you.

when you get the inheritance, open a completely different account for that money only.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Hurting a pet is BAD. Really really bad. It shows that when he gets angry, he hurts innocent, helpless things: pets, children.....

Try to find a way to get out NOW. Get your parents to help. 

This is really serious and dangerous. 




Ninja500 said:


> I also think there is something seriously wrong with him. He has anger management issues and a few days ago, he pushed the dog, causing the dog to wimper. He then grabbed the dog by the head and squeezed his head until the dog starting screaming. I yelled at him to stop and he threw the dog off the bed.


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## emmasmith (Aug 11, 2016)

Firstly cancel any joint credit card and tell the H you want a divorce.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Well I'm going to say it.

If you don't have the guts to get the hell out of a bad situation, that's unfortunate - for YOU. But that's *your* choice and *you* get to live with it. I'm sure you'll probably be back in a year with the same tale of woe about this as*shole, but you'll probably have shared your inheritance with him after everyone told you NOT TO, or you will have used it to invest in something for both of you, and you'll be lamenting the fact that you shouldn't have done it.

If you continue to make bad choices because you're 'intimidated' by divorce papers, then expect to continue being miserable.

However, that poor dog doesn't have the same choices *you* do and can't just leave. And to allow this POS to abuse that dog - *which is exactly what you're doing *- is unconscionable. If you don't have the guts to find a better life for yourself, then that's on _you_. But at the very LEAST, give that poor dog to someone who isn't going to abuse him!

And yes, I realize you'll ignore this post and not address it like you've done with all the posts in this thread. Do the right thing for that poor defenseless dog or YOU'RE part of the abuse.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

EleGirl said:


> I agree with the other folks who said to tell your parents while they are visiting. They will help you get a divorce in motion. Let them read this thread at the very least.
> 
> If you feel overwhelmed doing the divorce papers yourself, get an attorney. Go open an account in your name only and transfer half of all cash that you both have into that account. And then move out of the house you with living in with him. He's too dangerous for you to stay there. Take the dog and any other animals with you.
> 
> when you get the inheritance, open a completely different account for that money only.


OP should take 100% of the cash. This guy totally deserves it and there's not a damn thing he can do about it since you guys aren't separated and there are no court orders yet telling you otherwise. Make sure you get your name off any shared debt, especially credit cards.


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## Ninja500 (Apr 16, 2013)

He's not talking to me so being home is so uncomfortable. He said we'd talk when my parents leave, but right now I'm thinking of finding a temp place to stay (maybe a relative) open a bank account with my parents and get an attorney referral. This is so overwhelming.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Announce your intentions while your parents are there, make him feel real uncomfortable. Tell your parents with him present everything he's done and that you want the split to be as amicable as possible. You aren't happy. Everything will fall into place. Move everything you can't live without out of the house and find a new place to live. Time will fly. You'll be in a much better place 30 days from today. You just have to do it, it's the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. Admit your marriage is over and take action. Just remember, there are people dealing with way bigger issues and would do anything to be in your shoes. It could always be worse. We aren't talking about death here. Just end your crappy marriage. Please.

Go get your own bank account now. Take 50% of the cash if you want the separation to be amicable. If he's an a$$, take it all. Cancel ALL credit cards that you share. I failed to do this and it cost me $4,000, since I was stuck with half of the $8,000 she rang up.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Ninja500 said:


> I work in the legal field and could probably get some referrals. I looked at divorce papers a few years ago and they were so intimidating to fill out.


The papers are nowhere near as intimidating as your husband. Sorry, but you are a fool for staying with a man who would do that to your dog. YOU are next, you know. Abusing the dog is not going to satisfy an abuser.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Ninja500 said:


> He's not talking to me so being home is so uncomfortable. He said we'd talk when my parents leave, but right now I'm thinking of finding a temp place to stay (maybe a relative) open a bank account with my parents and get an attorney referral. This is so overwhelming.


Now you're talking! Yes. This is exactly what you can do to get yourself safe. Don't just get an attorney referral. Go see some attorneys and choose one, then file for divorce. 

Yes, it's overwhelming, but part of the reason for that is that you are living in an abusive relationship, which is overwhelming by itself, so it makes doing anything to get out very hard. Once you pack up your stuff and walk out the door, do not look back. Keep looking forward. 

I recommend you go to a battered women's shelter and talk to someone there who can tell you how to make a plan. If you have a plan and you implement it, you will feel much more powerful and able to pull this off. You can do it, but having a plan makes it much easier. Talking to someone who understands what to do and can help you form that plan is a great way to get started.

As others have mentioned, you need to cover yourself financially. Make sure you are not on any debt that he racks up. Make sure you have all the important papers that you need such as your birth certificate, loan documents, etc. Take it all. You can give him copies if he needs them later, but if you don't have them, he is not going to give you copies later.


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