# Marriage is over. Or is it.....



## sleeponthecouch (Oct 26, 2011)

So here it is. I may be right, I may be wrong. I have 7 children and things can get a bit crazy and tight at times. My wife is a stay at home mother and I work all the time. 

She recently told me that she wants to get away from me because I am too possessive and too controlling. That I don't let her be her.

Let's start with what I found...

1) Facebook is a must. Even when the kids are screaming, the house is destroyed(messy), or when I am home. I get upset because she is speaking with different men that she claims are in the fitness industry. I realize that this made me feel upset and when I shared my feelings with her she stated that I am trying to control her and that I am super negative. She told me to stop accusing her of being a wh*re. She also tells me that I am always putting her down and I always feel guilty about it and apologize. I dont like arguing with her. I get so angry because she does not understand me or want to hear out my feelings. 

2) When I get home sometimes the house(again) is destroyed and she is down at the park with the kids. This might sound weird to some but I enjoy time with her and the kids. It seems like when I am getting home she is just getting down to the park to hang out with her friends. Even now as I type this I feel like I am just overreacting. 

3) Whenever I talk to her about something I dislike or that bothers me she states that I am just being negative and putting her down and that I create all these problems. I would not get upset or even bothered by anything if I were receiving the same amount of love and affection that I give to her. 

I realize that I am not perfect and that I work a ton of hours but it is not fair that I receive this type of treatment from her. 

Any feedback is appreciated.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Too possessive and too controlling almost always means that you are in the way of her and some other man.

You might want to put a keyloggrer on her computer and see what and who she s talking with. Bet there is an Internet guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DoYouWoo (Jul 19, 2011)

Well the facebook thing rings alarm bells in that she probably gets a lot of attention and flirtation online - it's normal for a marriage to get stuck in a rut where you don't flirt any more and take each other for granted, so she's getting something online that she doesn't get at home. Do you both still go out on dates? I recognise getting a sitter for 7 kids (man, you guys were busy!) might be difficult, but it sounds like she sees you as Mr Breadwinner/Mr OnMyBackAllTheTime and not the Mr Sexy Impregnator you once were. Maybe fix that and she won't seek attention online. I'm not for one minute sticking up for her, she sounds difficult to live with right now.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Agree with Shaggy - to her, controlling means that you are standing in the way of her personal freedom, even when the personal freedom is killing the marriage.

Need to realize that you are probably not going to be able to logically convince her that talking to other men is wrong. I'd be willing to bet that if you chose to ignore the behaviors, and just focused on meeting her emotional needs, it would only be seen as giving her the upper hand.

In my opinion, you have to be willing to decide if there are consequences to her behavior. Don't buy in to the argument that it is wrong for a husband to be concerned about her making others her only priority. I'd suggest that you focus on what both of you should change to make the relationship healthy, and tell her that you are prepared to do your part. If she isn't prepared to do the same (by severing her contact with other men), then lay out the consequences.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Go read the thread by hurtingtn. Before you say it can't happen if it's only online and she is a sahm.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

sleeponthecouch said:


> She recently told me that she wants to get away from me because I am too possessive and too controlling. That I don't let her be her.
> ...
> I get upset because she is speaking with different men that she claims are in the fitness industry. I realize that this made me feel upset and when I shared my feelings with her she stated that I am trying to control her and that I am super negative.
> ...
> ...


There seems to be a miscommunication here. If you are truly sharing your feelings in a non-threatening manner and she truly feels you are trying to control her, then something doesn't add up. Are you sure you are sharing your feelings, your dislikes and what bothers you in a way that shouldn't make her feel attacked or defensive? Are you using statements that begin with "I" like "I feel ..." , "I think ...", "I wonder ..."? If not, start doing this immediately. The fact that you continue to try to share is a huge positive. But any statement that starts with the word "You" like "You think ...", "You feel ...", "You are ..." will raise a defensive response that prevents them from working as intended. Let us know whether or not you are already doing this and we will move on to "controlling", the new anti-man mantra.


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