# Money Spent in the Affair



## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

Good Afternoon. 

Do you ever wonder how much money was spent in the affairs? Stuff like gifts, dinners, hotel rooms, trips, etc. that could have gone to your home/self/kids? I know most of us BS like to think the AP paid for everything but that's not very likely, especially a long term affair. 

Do you ask and/or make them repay you in some fashion? I read somewhere on here the BS made her husband buy her something expensive because he purchased items for his AP.....good job!

Struggling to make ends meet and they are off hiding money and spending it with AP!!


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

None in my case, OM was a neighbour. VAR however caught mother-in-law's suggestion to take him out to dinner, so I kind of feel it. She was a student and I was the one with paycheck, the mere thought of the bastard dining on my dime is infuriating.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

My husband spent over $18,000 once everything was said and done. He wasted about $4000 on his internet *****s and $60 on the hooker. When I kicked him out I made him buy me a new computer, that was about $2500. He also had to furnish and pay for an apartment for 5 months, so that's probably $7500. Then I made him get rid of the BJ couch - he spent $1500 on it and got $500 for it, and buy a new one, cost $3500.


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## C-man (Oct 23, 2012)

My stbxw would pay for the POSOM to golf. Would pay for his cousin to golf. Would pay for dinners. Went on a 1 week tournament in which he was one of the players (in Acapulco). Got her breasts augmented (in hindsight was really an attempt to attract the POSOM, since I liked my stbxw's naturals...). Yeah, she spent thousands of dollars. Fortunately, or unfortunately - our finances have been totally separate since our 4th or 5th year of marriage - when she started making enough that I didn't need to help her.


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## Calibre12 (Nov 27, 2012)

He denies spending 1 cent on her in the 8 years she was in his life. Yet the phone bills showed numerous calls and 1 in particular in 2006, lasted 13 minutes, cost $38. When he bought me gifts or took me out, I worried immensely about what I was going to need to pay that he now wouldn't be able to. He took out $7G behind my back from a CD we both had and claims he spent it all on me and the children (fishing trips). He took out credit cards and payday loans behind my back when she was in his life. He told me things inadvertently to convince me he is who he isn't, that's how I was able to piece things together. She is born in July, birthstone is ruby, during our reconciliation just prior to remarriage, he was always looking at the red-stoned jewelry when we went to mall etc. He even told me she loves burgers, and he suddenly changed his diet to burgers around that time...I guess she was a cheap dinner date. I have since wondered how many of those years she got flowers delivered to her office/home, jewelry, and when he was getting me a card, did he get her one too. It's been very, very painful financially.


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## WhatASituation (Sep 27, 2012)

I know my stbxw had me pay for trips. One was for a conference (she met her AP there) and then another trip to where she grew up (met some guy there) under the guise of seeing her dying aunt. Amazing what they'd say/do!


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

For seven months my H spent over $300 in phone bills, $500 buying a horse from OW mother and father bc they were going through a hard time financially, and probably a couple thousand with the amount of time giving free guitar lessons to OW son. Maybe she repaid him by playing his skin flute. 
Bc our finances have been separate I have no idea what was spent on his credit cards wining and dining, or when he built bookshelves for her. He is still paying $200 a month to stable her horse. Sad, that all some one has to do is throw a few flattering words his way and he is dropping money left and right. Yet, he says he can't afford child support for the kids. He would rather keep paying for the horse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2 (Dec 10, 2012)

I never thought my husband was a big spender on his girlfriends... yes I said girlfriends (read my post in divorce and separation) however with this last one he took her to a business conference and put her up in a separate hotel then I get an emailed receipt from a store on the day he left for a lace thong and bra set..... so I even got to see what kind of underwear he likes on her.. yep time for that divorce....


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

RightfulRiskTaker said:


> He denies spending 1 cent on her in the 8 years she was in his life. Yet the phone bills showed numerous calls and 1 in particular in 2006, lasted 13 minutes, cost $38. When he bought me gifts or took me out, I worried immensely about what I was going to need to pay that he now wouldn't be able to. He took out $7G behind my back from a CD we both had and claims he spent it all on me and the children (fishing trips). He took out credit cards and payday loans behind my back when she was in his life. He told me things inadvertently to convince me he is who he isn't, that's how I was able to piece things together. She is born in July, birthstone is ruby, during our reconciliation just prior to remarriage, he was always looking at the red-stoned jewelry when we went to mall etc. He even told me she loves burgers, and he suddenly changed his diet to burgers around that time...I guess she was a cheap dinner date. I have since wondered how many of those years she got flowers delivered to her office/home, jewelry, and when he was getting me a card, did he get her one too. It's been very, very painful financially.


That is hard. Do you know much about her or he told you these details himself? I remember getting late notices for our housing and school/car payments, lights turned off during this last episode of his. Knowing he was willingly to leave me and be with her is something I will never get over.....the money just adds to my pain. Hoping one day I will stop wondering if he will do it again. Here's to me being a loving wife and forgiving him, yet again.  :scratchhead:


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## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

Asia, so sorry to hear that! I am going through D bc he still won't be honest with me as to how much was spent. He will pay eventually, even if it's only through attorneys.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

Asia, you had another thread that you posted where you stated how your WH walked all over you and you still took him back, despite the overwhelming advice you got from many people here (myself included) to drop this fool from your life and move on.

Now You start another thread about complaining how much money your lousy husband spent CHEATING on you !?!

Sorry, you are now getting what you deserve for being so weak. ALL the other posters who have found the strength to move on and keep their self respect intact, BUT NOT YOU SO FAR !


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You know, that's not something I ever thought about.


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

barbados said:


> Asia, you had another thread that you posted where you stated how your WH walked all over you and you still took him back, despite the overwhelming advice you got from many people here (myself included) to drop this fool from your life and move on.
> 
> Now You start another thread about complaining how much money your lousy husband spent CHEATING on you !?!
> 
> Sorry, you are now getting what you deserve for being so weak. ALL the other posters who have found the strength to move on and keep their self respect intact, BUT NOT YOU SO FAR !


Barados, while appreciate everything has said to me, I am making a decision that I choose to make.....your post is just not helpful or on topic. These are not questions that BS have not asked or wondered about. If you insist on being rude (because that is what you have portrayed), please refrain from commenting in that fashion. I haven't read your threads so don't know your sitch but there are plenty of people on this site with serial cheaters. So let's just deal with the things we have in common here. My choice to stay has nothing to do with money spent, whether our spouses chose to stay with us because they want to or because it's easier. These things apply to all.


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