# Wanting a child when He doesn't



## jrose711

So, my husband and I just get married last month. We are both 25 yrs old and we have been together for 2 1/2 years and have lived with each other for 2 yrs. We both have daughters from previous relationships. They are turning 5 this month and starting school in the fall. Has has a wonderful career as a firefighter and I am going to school for my early childhood education and could be done as soon as may 2013. We own our house, I was just able to buy a new mini van out right. We have a wonderful relationship we love our kids. Not everyone is perfect but i truly feel that our life is as good as it could be. We're not rich, but we're doing fine. Despite all of this I find myself upset, depressed and even crying on a regular basis. 

For over a year now I've yearned for another child. We have such a wonderful life and family I wanted to bring another life into it. My husband has agreed with me since I first brought it up, but wanted to wait because he wasn't ready/ we weren't married at the time. He told me how important marriage is to him and how he wanted more children also, but we needed to be married. I was still upset, but I understood and we planned our wedding I even pushed it back 2 months. The whole time we talked about trying to have a baby. He would even talk about how excited he was to try and conceive on our honeymoon and how great it would be if I came back pregnant. He said it was something he always wanted. He even said how he couldn't wait till we were married so then we wouldn't have to use birth control anymore and we could just have as many as we wanted or until we felt we had enough kids. I was excited and it really did help. It made the yr go by fast and I knew i could wait for a baby till marriage bc we talked about it all the time and i felt like we had a plan. So i focused on the wedding and was excited about our life together. 3 months before the wedding I stopped all birth control he even came to the app. with me. We wanted to make sure I was regular and could get pregnant easily. During this time I suffered through a lot of pain due to the endometriosis or pcos the drs think I have, but they said it still looked good to get pregnant and the pain would stop when i stopped getting periods. It was difficult, but i knew we wanted a baby so i did it.

Then a few weeks before the wedding he comes out and tell me he really doesn't want to start trying to have kids. He said he was just telling me that to make me happy. So i started using BC again, but I'm devastated. I don't know what to do. I feel like I already waited for him. He promised this is all he wanted was to be married so I let him take his time and planned the wedding and the whole time he told me he would be ready and excited to try after that. BUt here we are married and he no longer wants to try. I'm so unhappy i haven't slept well in over a week, I'm crying all the time and worst of all i'm being a horrible mother. I don't want to be with them. I don't want to touch my husband and i feel hate towards him. I'm already thinking worst case scenario and thinking about how much time i'm gonna give him till i leave. Its crazy and don't know what to do. I'm lost this desire of having another child has been on my heart for over a year now. Its making me crazy I felt think i could get through it because I was counting down the months and days till we could try and then this. I don't know what to do he said maybe next year, but what if hes just lying again? I have no trust for him and I know this is going to ruin our relationship. Does anyone have any advice? 

Sorry its so long I just wanted to make sure everyone got the whole picture


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## that_girl

Oooh bait and switch! He flipped the script on you and wants you to be ok?

It would be a deal breaker to me. No matter what his reasons are for lying (make me happy, etc), his lies did NOT make you happy, did they? No. That was a jerk move, imo.


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## FirstYearDown

If having children is very important to you, staying with your husband is out of the question.


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## Maricha75

jrose, THIS is what was missing from your other post! And so many were jumping on you about being young and everything. pcos makes it incredibly difficult to get pregnant. I have several friends who have this and they had difficulties. Endometriosis also causes problems... I believe it has something to do with scar tissue due to the blood outside the uterus, etc? Anyway, you have a lot of issues with just that. And, the bait and switch... he said it before the wedding, but you married him anyway. Now that the picture is clearer, it makes more sense why you are so upset. I agree with the others, if you want kids, you are likely going to have to leave this man and find someone else...it really does sound like he has no interest in having children. I am so sorry.


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## tacoma

that_girl said:


> Oooh bait and switch! He flipped the script on you and wants you to be ok?
> 
> It would be a deal breaker to me. No matter what his reasons are for lying (make me happy, etc), his lies did NOT make you happy, did they? No. That was a jerk move, imo.


This.

He lied and deceived you into marriage.

If I were you I'd tell him I was filing for divorce because he lied and deceived me into marriage.

Then I'd call a lawyer.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ItMatters

You knew this before marriage and you married him anyway. I think the bait/switch would have at least made me put a HOLD on things while we figured out what was really going on.

So are you willing to stay married (and he might not ever change his mind) or divorce him and find someone else?


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## Jazzmin

Give him a chance to explain why he doesn't want a baby. If he has a hard time putting it in to words, seek out a marriage counselor. I wonder if it isn't a case of lies or bait and switch as much as it is his change in perspective regarding the real issues that come with adding a baby to the family.


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