# Drinking, ex BF & marriage



## christina (Oct 24, 2008)

I've been married 15 years have 2 kids. My hubbie has started to drink daily for the past yr. Slowly at first now reg. At 1st it was ok bcz it didn't affect anything (or so i thought). Now he is 2 people...mr ok at work & me mean, screaming over anything irrational at home. Then out of the blue my ex BF(things happen for a reason) actually my 1st love from 20+ years ago 
e-mailed me & we've been emialing & talking on the phone at night. I don't know what to do. My hub says he wants he know he has to stop but he won't do anything i suggest. In the meantime I'm having an emothional affair with my ex. At least I'm not in a tottally depressed state like before. I feel guilty about everything & everyone. My BF just knows that things are not good with hub he doesn't know details. My kids are great bcz I try to keep it together for them. I am falling apart inside. Now I'm attached to my ex & want to call him 24/7 (which i don't) or email him 24/7 (which i don't) I look at him myspace to see pics of him & get jeaulous when other womenflirt with him . help plz


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

My advice, as always is to either try and fix the relationship you are in or leave it. But don’t start another until you terminated the first. Emotional affairs taint the picture of the offended spouse. Phoning and texting a person is a far cry from a true relationship. Just a side question, other women flirt with him. Does he flirt back? Is it possible he is just playing with you? In order to improve your marriage you need to have a calm discussion with your husband about the drinking and how unhappy it is making you. Let him know the situation is serious and you are pondering leaving the marriage. Get him to abuse counseling and the two of you to marriage counseling. Pull out the stops and try to save the marriage. Most importantly and maybe the most difficult for you, stop all contact with XBF and concentrate on your marriage and family. Good luck.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

There is a support group for alcoholics called AA. There's also a support group for family and friends of alcoholics called Al-anon. Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

Find a meeting in your area and start reading their books. It will help you.


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## christina (Oct 24, 2008)

All great advice. But I really really enjoy the talks with my ex BF he doesn't stress me out & he makes me happy. I have told the ex bf not to stop living i told him to date etc bcz of my situation it's not fair to expect him to sit around waiting for me to call. Now that this has been going on since aug of this year i'm starting to get jealous of it...but i know i can't do anything. My hub & I are on 2 different planets...I am sooooo unhappy.
If it weren't for the kids I would have been gone a while ago.
If I cut ties with ex Bf I'll be back to 100%depression...and i mean depression. I feel guilty about everything..but depression & wanting to sleep allg=day & eating 24/7 is not a happy place. Walk in my shoes plz.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Relying on the XBF for your emotional wellbeing will only exacerbate the problems in the marriage. I do not discount the poor behavior of your husband, I am sure living like this is very difficult. If you are afraid you will fall into a depression if you cease contact I’d suggest you seek counsel for your self to deal with your personal and marital issues. Continuance of this relationship will only draw you further away and burden you with more guilt. You know where this is heading so now is the time to try and strengthen the marriage. Sorry, you’ve come here for advice. That’s mine.


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## christina (Oct 24, 2008)

Amplexor...everything you've said..i know is right. But my ex pops up into my life out of the blue ...after 20+ years at the only time in my life that i'm down in the dumps bigtime. I think that's a strange coincidence. If he would have contacted me a year ago i would have been like hello & good bye. But he "showed up" when I needed him most. He is truly a wonderful person. Plus my hub & i have been drifftng apart a little at atime b4 the drinking & craziness.
*Can't people fall out of love??* I totally apprectiate your in put. Are u male or female..just to see where the advice is coming?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

I am a husband in a marriage trying to recover from my wife’s emotional affair. I am very familiar with how damaging an EA can be. Our struggle to fully recover our marriage is now at 18months. We’ve been married 22 years. Ten years ago the only other woman I had ever loved “popped back” into communications with me. I knew I still had some feelings for her and we emailed a few times. She stopped at my house once to see me and meet my wife. A few days later told me her marriage was in trouble and she was “fishing.” We both used that opportunity to gain closure on the relationship.. I’ve not heard from her since nor tried to contact her.


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## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

problem one: husband drinks. whether it's really a problem or not, it is. you will always have that as an excuse to carry on with...

problem two: emotional affair.

problem one is hubby's problem to cure. he will if given a stern enough set of consequences. make it hurt him if he doesn't get help for the drinking.

problem two is YOUR problem. break it off. no contact. regardless of how hubby handles his drinking problem.

now you're both working on YOUR OWN problems/issues. now you can proceed with healing the marriage.

good luck.


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## *Aceso* (Oct 25, 2008)

^
^
^
I agree with the last post 100%. And I think emotional affairs are worse then just purely physical one (still bad). It means you are connecting ona deeper level. That's one thing I could never forgive.


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