# why men never say those 3 words



## heatherlindsay (Sep 1, 2010)

I was just wondering some of the reasons why most men rarely say I love you, or why they have to be constantly reminded. I realize in the beginning a man may say it a lot but then they slowly cut it down.
My husband only says it occasionally before i go to sleep or before he goes to work, also he never has anything romantic to say or do for me......ever, the most romantic thing he did was give me a rose but when he passed it to me its head fell off so he taped it back together..

Anyway it would be nice to hear some answers from some men too as they might know why they never say it to there wives. Could it simply be because he doesn't love you?:scratchhead:
and how can you find out why he never says it? Most men wont really tell you why if you ask them, but im asking anyway so men please speak up...it would help us people who have this confusion to understand better.


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## kirkster5 (Sep 23, 2008)

Not sure you can lump all men into your posted question. I tell my wife I love her probably a couple dozen times a day. 

I do think that some men may be hardwired to be tough and not share emotion.


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## CH (May 18, 2010)

How dare you!!!! We do say, when we wanna get in your pants. Once in, those 3 words are usually deleted from our brains. But if we ever need something done, those 3 words will show up again :rofl:

I still say it to my wife once in a while. She just laughs at me and says that I just need something from her, which is true 75% of the time. She never says it to me anymore though. My wife believes in that song, More than Words by Extreme.


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## heatherlindsay (Sep 1, 2010)

saying because you want something in return doesn't count. And it means nothing to a woman.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

My H says it all the time. But im finding out he's been saying it because he wants me to say it back, if that makes sense. 

I dont ever say it. Its not that i dont feel it, but i think if you say it all the time it looses meaning. i hear couples say it romantically at first, but after a decade it becomes almost synonymous with saying goodbye. I dont want it to loose its spark. After fifteen years you have nothing special to say. But if you only say it once in awhile, it holds a special meaning. 

That's my reasoning. I know my H wants me to say it more. but i know that's because im not very loving towards him right now so he doesnt feel loved. he wants to hear it because he's feeling insecure. but saying it isnt going to really fill that gap. its a false sense of security.


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## cb45 (Oct 2, 2009)

some men do, but i'd say they're in the minority.

i agree basically w/ blanca in her post.

theres a simple answer to yer Q, and a more complicated one (u can make both plural too if u like).

*simple*: i think as time goes on most men realize (some women too) that its just words and actions speak louder. 
Also men can get comfy/lazy faster than women (but women retaliate w/ less sex...or actually preceed mens "lack" by doing thus pre-emptively) and fall off the wagon so to speak.
Also, over time resentments start to build to the pt of blocking loving words/actions on both parties accounts.

*complicated*: there are some couples out there for whatever reason, upbringing, experiences, etc, don't hold to hearing "i love you" at all. again, its about couples meeting each others needs. 
Also, some lucky couples speak a silent language as it were and can say the words by a look, a gesture, or just going about their marital business as per man and woman duties/chores for example. i.e., they don't need much reinforcement/reassurances from ea other. (yet this too is rare)
Also, there are many males out there/here, and "i love you" is one phrase thats hard to lie about (for long) as it carries alot of wgt and responsibility w/ it. Men feel they carry enough responsibility as it is.

As for my W & I, we def could say it more but i am action-guy 
1st, and put my emphasis there. If my W was more action oriented, she'd have little trouble w/ me on many issues in our marriage but like most women i've known, its alot of head games i have to deal with as words can be false misleading etc, as time proves over n over.


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## tj71 (Jul 20, 2010)

I tell my wife I love her every day. And that she is beautiful and hot and sexy and a wonderful mom. I don't say it because I am obligated I say it because I truly think it and it's the truth. I take care of the kids all the time when she needs alone time, i remember special occasions and get her flowers occasionally. Is that enough? I guess not cuz she has still had three EAs in our marriage. What is enough for one person is not enough for the next.


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## DailyGrind (Jun 27, 2010)

heatherlindsay said:


> I was just wondering some of the reasons why most men rarely say I love you, or why they have to be constantly reminded. I realize in the beginning a man may say it a lot but then they slowly cut it down.
> My husband only says it occasionally before i go to sleep or before he goes to work, also he never has anything romantic to say or do for me......ever, the most romantic thing he did was give me a rose but when he passed it to me its head fell off so he taped it back together..
> 
> Anyway it would be nice to hear some answers from some men too as they might know why they never say it to there wives. Could it simply be because he doesn't love you?:scratchhead:
> and how can you find out why he never says it? Most men wont really tell you why if you ask them, but im asking anyway so men please speak up...it would help us people who have this confusion to understand better.


Wow...that wasn't partisan at all.  Don't blame men. Until about three months ago (when I basically gave up)....if it wasn't ME that said "I Love You", or ME that gave the hugs, or ME that held her hands.....or ME that showed ANY sort of affection, in our relationship.....it just didn't happen. As proof....I've done NONE of those things for the past three months...and guess what.......it hasn't happened. :scratchhead:

Now....we are in a RAPID spiral downward....me NOT doing any of those things that were pretty much the only things keepin our relationship any semblance of a marriage...because I'm tired of it always being me. Her...not doing these things...cause....well....she just doesn't know how. After eleven years of marriage...these things have suddenly become VERY important to me...and I'm realizing she just isn't going to speak my "love language." So...the spiral continues downward. 

Nevertheless....it isn't always "men".....it's the partners we choose. (sigh)...if only we knew then........


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## cherrypie18 (Feb 21, 2010)

Blanca said:


> Its not that i dont feel it, but i think if you say it all the time it looses meaning. i hear couples say it romantically at first, but after a decade it becomes almost synonymous with saying goodbye. I dont want it to loose its spark. After fifteen years you have nothing special to say. But if you only say it once in awhile, it holds a special meaning.
> .


:iagree:


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## Scannerguard (Jan 26, 2010)

Okay, what's good for the gander is good for the goose.

The OP is "generalizing" and I think it's a fair generalization, even though I personally bucked that generalization and was the "mushy" one in my marriage.

My question - and I'd hate for everything to come back to this - but. . .how's the sex life?

The reason I ask is men feel love like 5X the level that women walk around with right after sex. In other words, we don't say it because we aren't feeling it as much as you - the oxytocin just isn't flowing in our veins as much as women. But after sex, it soars. It's not something we can really help - we just kind of walk around with "nothing" in our heads (yes insults can proceed now, lol)

If you need to hear it more and nothing else is wrong - try having sex more.


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## 2010Walkaway (Aug 3, 2010)

Am wondering if you evey say those 3 little words to him first. 

I used to worry that he said them less and less and then one day it occurred to me that he says it much more often than I do, so who am I to complain.


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## Brioli (Sep 6, 2010)

cheatinghubby said:


> How dare you!!!! We do say, when we wanna get in your pants. Once in, those 3 words are usually deleted from our brains. But if we ever need something done, those 3 words will show up again :rofl:
> 
> I still say it to my wife once in a while. She just laughs at me and says that I just need something from her, which is true 75% of the time. She never says it to me anymore though. My wife believes in that song, More than Words by Extreme.


I just want to say, that I know this type of relationship and it's the kind where you both just know that "it's me and you babe". The kind where you don't need the formalitys...you already know the truth. I hope to have that one day


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Dang! I thought for sure the three words you meant were 'I Hate Sex!'....I guess I am in the lucky camp--my husband says it with 'that look' in his eyes all time 

My 86 yr/old dad, another story...I will say 'I love you Dad' and he gets all flustered and says 'Okay'...old school I guess...but he will freely shout 'I LOVE YOU FIDO' or whatever the dogs' names are! What the heck is that?


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## Crypsys (Apr 22, 2010)

We have been married over 10 years, and I still say I love you many times during the day. I don't think saying I love you should ever be considered routine or meaningless. If the emotions are behind the words, then they are always welcome. Saying I love you when I gently kiss my wife on the forehead is not just being routine. It's a way of physically showing and then voicing my love to my wife.


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## nwhite (Sep 8, 2010)

When I tell my wife I love her I do not get the same reaction from her as I used to get. Over the last couple of years my "I love you's" have fallen off because I do not feel they mean the same thing to her anymore. Its not that I love her any less, I just do not feel that me saying it matters much anymore. It is a feeling of disrespect I feel I get from her when I do say it and it does not always get acknowledged.


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## themrs (Oct 16, 2009)

My husband doesn't say it as often as I do because he feels like if he said it on our wedding day and he's still married to me it still applies. 

He's the kind of man who believes that he only has to say something once. He doesn't see the point of repeating it because he STILL loves me. It's a logical way of thinking, but it doesn't reassure me of his affection for me. 

The only way I have gotten him to say it to me when I haven't initiated it was to become unavailable to him so that HE needs reassurance. Then he'll say "I love you" with no problem because he wants to hear me say it back.


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## 2010Walkaway (Aug 3, 2010)

nwhite said:


> When I tell my wife I love her I do not get the same reaction from her as I used to get. Over the last couple of years my "I love you's" have fallen off because I do not feel they mean the same thing to her anymore. Its not that I love her any less, I just do not feel that me saying it matters much anymore. It is a feeling of disrespect I feel I get from her when I do say it and it does not always get acknowledged.


I feel for you if you tell her you love her and she just seems indifferent. I'm not sure how exactly her response differ now from in the past but how do you feel she would react if you were to tell her what you have said here - about not saying it as often because you feel hurt when it is not acknowledged?

Could it be that you wife for some reason now doesn't truly believe it when you say you love her? I'm saying she may still really value your love and wants you to love her but maybe she now feels unworthy or unlovable. If this were the case with her, it's unfortunate because a vicious cycle emerges where she doesn't react to you saying I Love You, so you then say it less, for her confirming that she isn't worthy. Plus if you were always the one who was the first to say I Love You, even though she still loves you, she may find it hard to just come out and say so. Hope I'm making sense.

Alternatively, maybe she feels resentful about something you do/do not do that makes her feel you do not love her as you used to and that your words don't match your actions and so she doesn't react the same way when you say these words coz she's thinking "Yes, you love me but...". Not saying she would be right to think this way but just a thought.


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