# I finally left, but I dont know the next step..



## atwitsend011 (Feb 11, 2011)

Long story short, my W had an NSA A with a MM. It went on for the better part of a year, and I allowed it to happen out of desperation. I left a couple of months ago, as taking a break/separation. She has done a mostly complete 180 in her behavior, and is constantly begging for me to come back. 

I dont know if I want it back. I feel that when we were supposed to be working on us, she was simply taking advantage of me. We have children, and I am in their lives as much as possible, But I feel nothing towards her but resentment. I poured my heart and soul out for her, and she openly took advantage of it.

I feel that I want to move on, but at the same time, I dont the good communication between us to break down. I have tried to get over what she did(alot of it is my fault, I didnt 'be a man' and tell her it wasnt going to fly)

But for the first time in years, I feel happy. Is it selfish to keep wanting that?


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

No, not selfish. Just be sure that you will feel the same way when the resentment fades--picture yourself alone, or just with your kids. Are you ok with that picture? Fear of being alone is not a good reason to stay married, so if all that holds you back is fear, then give it some time to see how you feel on your own. She has no right to make any demands and needs to respect your schedule. The risk is that she will move on, too, but that might make everything easiser for you and less contentious if you do divorce.


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## atwitsend011 (Feb 11, 2011)

Actually, yes. i seem to feel more calm when i think of just me, or me and maybe someone else. if anything, this marriage has taught me what NOT to do. Hopefully it taught her the same. but I am still not sure if it is just resentment, or if I am simply done. its been about a year coming, and when it did, I felt relieved. Now my stress is feeling bad when she says I love you, and I dont respond, or knowing that she is going to cry when I leave. I have always been on a friendship level with her, and it pains me to see her bend herself out of shape for us when there may be no hope left. I dont want to string her along, but I dont want to make a premature decision..


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## Lolabells (May 10, 2011)

maybe its time for you to be selfish, thats what m husband told me when he left "Im going to do things for me now" and it hurts like hell, but if you gave your all and they didnt appreciate you correctly then what else are you supposed to do? (i didnt appreciate him the right way either )


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## atwitsend011 (Feb 11, 2011)

we have a pre determined date when we are going to sit down, and decide what we are going to do from that point. its coming up fast, and I think I'm going to cut my losses. I love my kids with all my heart, and I travel about 500 miles a week to spend time with them while she works, and I dont want that to stop. But I do think I am truly through. I haven't ever felt hurt like I have experienced in the last year. The way I see it, she had the opportunity to make the right decision, and she chose unwisely. The consequence is that she eventually lost me. Thank you all for your help and advice.


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