# Not sure if fixable, but we want it to be... I think



## BMonkey13 (Jun 20, 2012)

Man this will probably be long, and anyone who makes it through my babble deserves some kind of award.

My husband and I still love each other very much and are still very much in love with each other...We have been married for 10 years, together for 13. But, a lot of really bad stuff has gone on. 

My husband has always wanted to join the Army. His parents never allowed it, and he wanted to again when I was pregnant with my youngest. A few more years went by, and it was pretty much his last chance. I did not want to be the person to stand in the way of his dreams. I could not live with that. I love him and want him to be happy. So.... I said go. He was gone for 4 years. We only got to see him 2x per year during that time. He was in Afghanistan and then stationed across the country. With my position and salary, there was no way on earth for us to move to be with him. 

When he returned from Afghanistan, he brought home PTSD  Being over there really changed him. The first thing he did was have and affair with some girl in Arizona. She didn't know he was married. He said he only kissed her, but when I spoke to here she claimed she was going to move to live closer to him yadda yadda yadda. I was so crushed, I never felt pain like that in my life. It's the one thing I never thought he would do to me. When he met her, he told me that he was on a mission and couldn't use his phone for that weekend. I was checking my daughters usage and found out by accident. I wish I never did. I ended up going on a 2 month long party binge with friends and cheated on him. Cheated cheated, slept with another man. But that is all that it was. I never spoke to or saw him again. I was angry, especially because my husband told me his affair was my fault and never apologized. It is what it is.....

A few months later he comes home for a visit, and got violent. He has never done that before. I hate the Army for what it did to an otherwise sweet and in my eyes, perfect man  He would never cheat, he would never touch me, and we are having so much trouble finding help.....

Long story longer, he came home for good late January. He's been violent off and on every since. He has done it in front of the kids and it has traumatized them. The last time was on June 1st and I had enough. I called the police because I felt he HAS to have consequences, he can't just keep doing this.

Cops come, I'm crying my eyes out, I'm in pain, I was just knocked out and choked and who gets arrested???? ME!!!!! Apparently, Mr. Suave Military Intelligence had them fooled. Mind you, I know for a fact he did not do this on purpose to get me put in jail, he was just scared and defending himself. He told them that I hit him with a remote control and he just lost it and "man handled" me a bit, but definitely did not hurt me. Fine, I get that he was scared and didn't want to go to jail, but not sure if I can forgive the fact that when he saw them taking me he didn't step up and say he was lying. Even now he said that then he would go to jail for lying... SO???? He should have gone to begin with, NOT ME! I was traumatized and hurt and scared. 

He has some issues with responsibility and everything is always someone else's fault. I really feel with therapy this could change. The way he was raised was just weird and I think it has a lot to do with the way he is.

If he sounds like a terrible guy, he really isn't. When the cons are out of the way, the pros are downright amazing. He's a wonderful father and husband. He's sweet and kind and my best friend. However, I can't go on being scared and we have to get help.

I did see a lawyer, and a separation agreement is being drawn up. He is being served with the separation agreement at the court hearing for the "domestic violence" case. Ugh, I can't even say it without vomiting. 

I have decided that we should separate and reconcile only after we get the counseling that we need.

He's aware of what is in the agreement and is fine with everything. It's completely amicable. I gave him a few credit cards (all his) and I took the rest of the bills, including his car insurance and cell phone bill. No child support or spousal support (I make more) and he can see the kids whenever he wants to. However, I really want this to work out. Like I said, I love him with all that I am, and I believe he just needs help. He's not a bad person, but I'm just crumbling. I have never felt such heavy sadness or stress in my life. The first two weeks I was throwing up from nerves every day. That is very unlike me. I'm just lost right now.

If you made it this far thank you. Not even sure what I'm hoping to get out of all this, but I guess it feels good to say it. I'm sure I'm leaving out tons of stuff, so any questions, just ask


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

What a horrible situation for you. I'm so sorry. I don't think the majority of Americans have a clue of the toll these wars are taking.

Now, having said that...what do you want? That wasn't so clear in your post. What do you want?


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## BMonkey13 (Jun 20, 2012)

Oh, sorry haha!

I so desperately want it to work out. I want us to get help, I just wonder if the damage is too much? 

I hate the toll combat takes on these men and women, it's horrible and unfair. Then they come home to not even be able to get help for dealing with what they have endured. It's really sad, and I quite certain we are not the only family struggling with this kind of issue


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You are definitely not. Will he go to counseling with you?


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## BMonkey13 (Jun 20, 2012)

Yes, he is 100% willing to get therapy. However, he's scared that it won't work and he's scared because the last few times were very close calls as far as my making it out alive 

I think it will help, it has to. There is a very good man underneath the PTSD


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## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

You are a good woman for sticking by him. Yes, keep up with the therapy -- really, it's not going to get better on its own. You know that and, at some level, he knows that.

I wish you both all the best, and please thank him for all that he did for us.


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## BMonkey13 (Jun 20, 2012)

Thank you so much and will do


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