# Considering Divorce 3rd time



## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

Hi,

I have been married just going onto my 4th year with no kids as we are struggling to save money also struggling to make a marriage work. 

I have considered divorce a couple of times before but opted to stay and fight to see if things would overcome in time, which it hasn't. 

I do care about my wife and her wellbeing, but I have over 200 issues which I have written down things I am not happy with big n small which she threw back on my face as a joke so I stopped that method of reconciliation way. 

I will not list all of them but the main ones. I would like your opinion if you would divorce from a person on these points please.

I do not love her physically or her personality. She is not the person I thought her to be before marriage or she changed through seeing other people's lifestyles through work. 

She doesn't want to have female children due to circumstances happen with her own family. She also wants to make all the rules for the children and none from me. 

I cannot properly communicate with her in her own language about 75% I can and this leads to misunderstanding and fights.

One of the main reasons, but not the ONLY I married I wanted to have someone to share my faith with and practice together which she vowed to do but in practice its the opposite and says she is unwell. I have compromised and how she practices her faith its upto to her and God. Also, I had issues of her dressing which she has ignored I have let go and said wear what you want although this affects me greatly on other men looking at her. 

I have an illness recently develop which I cannot do my job and my wife is not supporting me financially nor verbal support on starting my own business rather she brags about others lifestyle than making our own. 

I gave her an ultimatum she went back to her home country for her brothers wedding and told her if she appreciates living in the UK then come back if she doesn't then stay where you are, this she agreed and came back but not in reality practice she still swears at the government and tells me bad news when I told her only tell me good news as I am sick of hearing murder stories per day. 

She doesn't like me using contraceptives as she suspects I have HIV and I don't want kids.


----------



## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

no reply?


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

What's your question? You can only make a marriage work if both people are willing to work at it. And everyone has their own deal breakers that they're not willing to compromise. If I was married to someone who didn't meet my needs (I.e. Deal breaking issues) in a number of different areas, and wasn't willing to talk or work on those issues, I would have no choice but to leave. That's why they're called deal breaking issues. The're not nice to have, they're must have.

Of course, if someone came to me with a list of 200 items that they were unhappy with about me, I'd probably laugh at them.

I'm assuming you don't have kids, based on a couple of your points? If so, and you're truly that unhappy, then start making plans to leave. You're fighting about money, religion, kids, sex, and culture. I think that's all the major things you can fight about...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

unreal said:


> She doesn't like me using contraceptives as she suspects I have HIV and I don't want kids.


This is crazy. Please elaborate.


----------



## BigToe (Jun 2, 2011)

I agree with PBear that writing down 200 items of fault is more than a little over the top and probably indicates you have an unrealistic view of 100% compatibility in marriage.

Why did you marry someone that you couldn't communicate with? Why has one of you not taken the time to become proficient in the others primary language? This almost sounds like a "mail order bride" gone wrong. I'm sure she's happy to be out of where ever she was, and living in the UK.


----------



## unreal (Mar 12, 2011)

Reason I wrote down our issues is that she always says I have done nothing wrong what do I do and when your making it up!


----------

