# Why Do Women Mumble So Much?



## I Know

Does this happen to other men? 

A lot of the times around the house, my wife will be saying something, kind of softly or almost mumbling. I think she's talking to me but she is not. She's talking to herself....outloud. stuff like "I have to pay this bill. Where did I put my phone. Are we out of mustard?". My mom, my mother inlaw, sisters in law ALL do this. Thinking outloud. This drives me crazy. 

I love my wife and am interested in what she has to say. She is an accomplished professional career person. Trouble is, I have to take my focus away from whatever I am doing to listen, only to find out that she's talking to herself. I'll say "what"? "oh nothing I was just talking to myself". Or "oh the oldest son needs a lunch tomorrow". 

So after a while I just started tuning this out. But then sometimes she is talking to me and wants me to hear. 

I cannot go pingpong around from focusing on computer, TV or whatever, to listening to her and finding out her mumbles were not meant for me. I am not a multitasker. I do not think women understand the whole male focusing thing. 

Am I the only one? Is this why men never listen to the wives?


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## EleGirl

So you know a lot of mumbling women. Maybe you unknowingly picked your wife because she has traits like your mom.

Do don't know many people who muble. But the ones who do are both men and women.


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## I Know

EleGirl said:


> So you know a lot of mumbling women. Maybe you unknowingly picked your wife because she has traits like your mom.
> 
> Do don't know many people who muble. But the ones who do are both men and women.


So you never wander around the house, while vocalizing sentences quietly? 

Maybe. Mom and wife share some features. But I also know a few women at work that do the same thing.


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## EleGirl

I Know said:


> So you never wander around the house, while vocalizing sentences quietly?
> 
> Maybe. Mom and wife share some features. But I also know a few women at work that do the same thing.


Nope I do not mumble.


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## RandomDude

The missus sings


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## AFEH

I Know said:


> Does this happen to other men?
> 
> A lot of the times around the house, my wife will be saying something, kind of softly or almost mumbling. I think she's talking to me but she is not. She's talking to herself....outloud. stuff like "I have to pay this bill. Where did I put my phone. Are we out of mustard?". My mom, my mother inlaw, sisters in law ALL do this. Thinking outloud. This drives me crazy.
> 
> I love my wife and am interested in what she has to say. She is an accomplished professional career person. Trouble is, I have to take my focus away from whatever I am doing to listen, only to find out that she's talking to herself. I'll say "what"? "oh nothing I was just talking to myself". Or "oh the oldest son needs a lunch tomorrow".
> 
> So after a while I just started tuning this out. But then sometimes she is talking to me and wants me to hear.
> 
> I cannot go pingpong around from focusing on computer, TV or whatever, to listening to her and finding out her mumbles were not meant for me. I am not a multitasker. I do not think women understand the whole male focusing thing.
> 
> Am I the only one? *Is this why men never listen to the wives?*


I’d say it’s an extreme example of “indirect communication” which women are famous for. For more answers to this question and to understand why as a man your multitasking capabilities are less than a woman’s you may care to read Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: Amazon.co.uk: Allan Pease, Barbara Pease: Books.



I think what your wife is communicating to you is that she has a lot of things to do while there you are on the computer, watching tv ….. and that she could really do with a hand. That’s she’s concerned about money, do you have enough to pay the bills (and there you are watching tv) and she’s wondering if she has time to do eldest lunch for tomorrow, even if she has the necessary ingredients (does he like mustard?) on top of everything else she has stacked up, that she’s to make a meal that needs mustard.

She’s swamped man and needs a helping hand. In a way it is your responsibility to understand how your wife communicates, they are, can be exceptionally indirect such that most of what they say flies over our head at 30,000 feet.

Sometimes even now it’s not until a few days later that I twig I’ve actually been asked to do something by a woman. They can be so indirect and that can be the cause of so many problems, especially in a marriage. And yet they think we should understand what they’re at! Well guess what if you want good communication in a marriage number one thing to learn is how they communicate.

You watch. You want something done by a woman? Don’t be direct about it, be indirect (it does take something out for a man to be indirect) …. and it will be done!


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## I Know

AFEH said:


> I’d say it’s an extreme example of “indirect communication” which women are famous for. For more answers to this question and to understand why as a man your multitasking capabilities are less than a woman’s you may care to read Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps: Amazon.co.uk: Allan Pease, Barbara Pease: Books.
> 
> 
> 
> I think what your wife is communicating to you is that she has a lot of things to do while there you are on the computer, watching tv ….. and that she could really do with a hand. That’s she’s concerned about money, do you have enough to pay the bills (and there you are watching tv) and she’s wondering if she has time to do eldest lunch for tomorrow, even if she has the necessary ingredients (does he like mustard?) on top of everything else she has stacked up, that she’s to make a meal that needs mustard.
> 
> She’s swamped man and needs a helping hand. In a way it is your responsibility to understand how your wife communicates, they are, can be exceptionally indirect such that most of what they say flies over our head at 30,000 feet.
> 
> Sometimes even now it’s not until a few days later that I twig I’ve actually been asked to do something by a woman. They can be so indirect and that can be the cause of so many problems, especially in a marriage. And yet they think we should understand what they’re at! Well guess what if you want good communication in a marriage number one thing to learn is how they communicate.
> 
> You watch. You want something done by a woman? Don’t be direct about it, be indirect (it does take something out for a man to be indirect) …. and it will be done!


Let's not fool ourselves: women do most of the domestic work in a marriage. Running kids around, buying clothes for them, doctor visits, etc etc. But, Actually I do a lot of the chores, all the outdoor work, garbage duty, a lot of cooking, keeping the kitchen clean. I am the authority when it comes to what the kids can and cannot do. Wife does not like making and enforcing policy here. We have regular discussion on division of labor. We both subscribe to the whatever needs to get done, just do it. We have been married 25 years and things are quite good between us. I really don't think she is secretly dying inside wishing I were a bigger part of household work. Since I have been doing MMSL wife has really started to relax her standards of what constitutes a "clean" house.

The indirect comm thing a is a great point. Instead of me saying "honey can you go to the drug store and get xyz"? It's "gee honey, do you think we are going to make it thru the week with our current supply of xyz?. I am not sure we have enough"? 
You mean something like that?

You are also onto something with that communication book. Have you ever been around a group of women that know each other pretty well? Have you tried to follow the conversation? OMG. When they get them going, they will jump around from topic to topic with no transitions at all. I cannot keep up. They will have gone from topic a to b to c back to a and I'll still be on b in just a few sentences. I'll say "what about b? " "Oh we've gone way beyond that".


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## VermisciousKnid

I Know said:


> Does this happen to other men?
> 
> I love my wife and am interested in what she has to say. She is an accomplished professional career person. Trouble is, I have to take my focus away from whatever I am doing to listen, only to find out that she's talking to herself. I'll say "what"? "oh nothing I was just talking to myself". Or "oh the oldest son needs a lunch tomorrow".
> 
> So after a while I just started tuning this out. But then sometimes she is talking to me and wants me to hear.


Talking to yourself is one thing. My wife does that some times. 

Talking softly and expecting you to understand is passive-aggressive. It makes you stop what you are doing, say, "What?" and perhaps even walk closer. My W is famous for doing this when I am up on a ladder holding a paint brush or hanging a new light fixture or something like that. I'll have to climb down, put the tools and whatever else I dragged up with me someplace, and walk over to her. It's disrespectful. So my new response is to ignore completely. Then she has to say, "Did you hear me?" and my response can be "Nope, I was concentrating on this" or simply "No."

Ticks her off, but I can't and shouldn't have to read minds or understand mumbles. Neither of those things are good communication. She's perfectly capable of speaking at a normal volume when she wants, but she chooses to mumble. I think it's a control thing.


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## that_girl

I talk to myself all the time while doing things. It's just a way some people process thoughts.

Why is that a problem? lol. Seriously. My husband still listens to me. Have you TOLD her that when she's talking to you, to get your attention first?


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## janesmith

I talk to myself all the time. sometimes im venting and being passive aggressive tellling him im bothered without telling him im bothered. After 18 years he ignores this behavior. when i want his attention i call his name. Sometimes im working out something im doing or talking myself through something I dont want to do, or talking myself out of a bad mood, lol


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## AFEH

I Know said:


> Let's not fool ourselves: women do most of the domestic work in a marriage. Running kids around, buying clothes for them, doctor visits, etc etc. But, Actually I do a lot of the chores, all the outdoor work, garbage duty, a lot of cooking, keeping the kitchen clean. I am the authority when it comes to what the kids can and cannot do. Wife does not like making and enforcing policy here. We have regular discussion on division of labor. We both subscribe to the whatever needs to get done, just do it. We have been married 25 years and things are quite good between us. I really don't think she is secretly dying inside wishing I were a bigger part of household work. Since I have been doing MMSL wife has really started to relax her standards of what constitutes a "clean" house.
> 
> The indirect comm thing a is a great point. Instead of me saying "honey can you go to the drug store and get xyz"? It's "gee honey, do you think we are going to make it thru the week with our current supply of xyz?. I am not sure we have enough"?
> You mean something like that?
> 
> You are also onto something with that communication book. Have you ever been around a group of women that know each other pretty well? Have you tried to follow the conversation? OMG. When they get them going, they will jump around from topic to topic with no transitions at all. I cannot keep up. They will have gone from topic a to b to c back to a and I'll still be on b in just a few sentences. I'll say "what about b? " "Oh we've gone way beyond that".


Being my age ours was a very traditional marriage. The trick for me was recognising when my wife was stressing or out overloaded which wasn’t often and stepping into lend a hand.

You might want to try that way of indirect communication, I reckon you’ll be surprised.

And women are famous for the kind of conversion you’ve described, it’s truly amazing how they can all keep track. It’s to do with their brains being wired differently, they have many more connections between the left and right lobes than men. I must admit I try and look interested and attentive and as if I understand what’s being communicated but all the while wondering when they’re going to get to the point and not wanting to be asked to recall anything that’s already been said.


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## AFEH

It’s not my understanding of passive aggressive behaviour. PA is about hurting another person without letting them know who’s hurt them.


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## that_girl

Yea, I don't know if it's passive aggressive. 

I just narrate my day LOL Even at the market..."Ok, I need olives, wine, cheese..." 

When i'm overwhelmed, I tell Hubs just that--- "Baby, I'm totally overwhelmed with xyz." He'll then help me out.


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## VermisciousKnid

AFEH said:


> It’s not my understanding of passive aggressive behaviour. PA is about hurting another person without letting them know who’s hurt them.


I think it is doing something that is not aggressive, per se, but that you know is going to be received negatively. It is different from unintentionally causing someone hurt. Like you give a Christmas gift to a family member who then says she's not in the mood to open anyone's gifts, but she wants everyone to open hers. That sure puts a damper on everyone's Christmas. If you're not in the mood, then stay at home and say you are sick. Don't come to the celebration just to reject everyone. 

Maybe there's a different term for that behavior, but it is escaping me at the moment.


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## Enchantment

My husband is the mumbler in our household. He talks to himself under his breath at certain times - usually when he is absorbed in a task requiring a lot of concentration.

I will concede, however, that he is not a good listener. It is somewhat gratifying that now I usually have a kid who will say, "Hey, Dad, Mom already answered that! You weren't listening!"

For my H, I have found that his listening skills, or lack thereof, stem from his childhood. His mother is a non-stop chatterbox, and I think that he learned to 'tune her out' for self-preservation purposes. Even though I love my MIL, I had to learn something of the same skill when we would go visit them. That or get ear-plugs.


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## that_girl

I know many more men who mumble when spoken to. lol.

Talking to yourself isn't mumbling. We don't want other people to hear!


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## 2sick

that_girl said:


> Yea, I don't know if it's passive aggressive.
> 
> I just narrate my day LOL Even at the market..."Ok, I need olives, wine, cheese..."
> 
> When i'm overwhelmed, I tell Hubs just that--- "Baby, I'm totally overwhelmed with xyz." He'll then help me out.


:rofl::rofl: Me too!!! It's too funny!! I catch my self reciting my grocery list out loud...ok did I get this...hmmm I forgot to get....

I agree it's just a way of organizing my thoughts. Not passive aggressive at all...hmm don't think it could be if I'm alone and talking to myself?!?!?!? lol


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## I Know

that_girl said:


> I talk to myself all the time while doing things. It's just a way some people process thoughts.
> 
> Why is that a problem? lol. Seriously. My husband still listens to me. Have you TOLD her that when she's talking to you, to get your attention first?


It's not a problem really. It's just something she does. It is just difficult for me to wrench my attention from what I was doing, to what she is saying. Only to find out that she wasn't talking to me :scratchhead: 

Oh yeah, and sometimes she will think that she told me something, but may have been thinking out loud LOL. 

Now, when we are face to face talking about something, I am all there w/ her. It's the situations where we are in the same room but doing separate things where this manifests itself.

I AM getting better at ignoring her random comments until she calls my name. 

Most of the time I think it's kinda cute. But when I am stressed it can be....ah....a challenge! On the positive side, it seems that only happy women are doing this. The unhappy wives keep it more to themselves in my experience.


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## duckfeet

I totally talk to myself...a lot sometimes!! It has nothing to do with my husband and/or needing/wanting him to do something for me. If I want him to do something for me I just ask. If I have a lot going on, such as I have to do X, Y, Z sometimes I have to say it outloud, such as, "ok, get the laundry in the dryer, then start baking the cake, get the cake in the oven, study my lesson, get clothes out, check cake" (usually not that detailed, but you get the idea) or sometimes if I am working with a new recipe I have to do the same thing, but I'm usually just whispering, not actually talking where other people can hear me, it is mostly that when I say it outloud it helps me remember and keeps me on track. Otherwise who knows where my mind would go and what would distract me.......squirrel!!


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## AFEH

that_girl said:


> I know many more men who mumble when spoken to. lol.
> 
> Talking to yourself isn't mumbling. We don't want other people to hear!


It's practicing for when you get a lot older.


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## that_girl

I guess I just don't even see the big deal in this 

Maybe because I'm a teacher and a man and I can ignore anything LOL!


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## that_girl

AFEH said:


> It's practicing for when you get a lot older.


My grams talks to herself too and she rocks!


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## SockPuppet

I Know said:


> So you never wander around the house, while vocalizing sentences quietly?


I do this all the time, and Im not a woman. Actually, all of my brothers do this and Im pretty sure their not women either...




that_girl said:


> Maybe because I'm a teacher *and a man* and I can ignore anything LOL!


:wtf:


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