# What if men stopped pursuing women?



## chaos

Would heterosexual women:

A) just accept it and choose to be alone.

B) change their behavior and start pursuing men instead?

Personally, I don't think it will ever happen because as we as a group, are too horny for our own good . 

Comments anyone?


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## Cletus

chaos said:


> Would heterosexual women:
> 
> A) just accept it and choose to be alone.
> 
> B) change their behavior and start pursuing men instead?


C) I would suffer far fewer restraining orders.


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## EleGirl

chaos said:


> Would heterosexual women:
> 
> A) just accept it and choose to be alone.
> 
> B) change their behavior and start pursuing men instead?
> 
> *Personally, I don't think it will ever happen because as we as a group, are too horny for our own good* .
> 
> Comments anyone?


:rofl:


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## EleGirl

Women pursue men all the time. 

Ask any junior high and high school girl. hey can tell you how it's done. By the time most women are adults, they know how to pursue a man they are interested in.. to get him to ask her out.


A man chases a woman until she catches him.


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## Faithful Wife

Women have to be told not to pursue men or else they do.


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## chaos

Cletus said:


> C) I would suffer far fewer restraining orders.


:lol::rofl:


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## ConanHub

This has started so funny that I don't know if I should take it seriously but honestly, women already pursue.

My wife was the only one I made any effort to pursue and it was mutual.

All the other women in my life, around 50, pursued me without me going after them at all.

Both my sons were pursued and seduced by very aggressive, hot little vixens.

Women seem pretty aggressive to me already.


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## lifeistooshort

Hmm, aren't we always being told here on TAM that men like to pursue and so we should let them do it so they feel like men? Now I'm confused.


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## Cletus

ConanHub said:


> Both my sons were pursued and seduced by very aggressive, hot little vixens.
> 
> Women seem pretty aggressive to me already.


And you live where, exactly...


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## chaos

ConanHub said:


> This has started so funny that I don't know if I should take it seriously but honestly, women already pursue.
> 
> My wife was the only one I made any effort to pursue and it was mutual.
> 
> All the other women in my life, around 50, pursued me without me going after them at all.
> 
> Both my sons were pursued and seduced by very aggressive, hot little vixens.
> 
> Women seem pretty aggressive to me already.


Sounds like you and your sons need to be place in a witness like protection program for Haydens and FILFs :rofl:


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## Faithful Wife

Cletus if you got married so young, why are you surprised that others who didn't had different experiences than you did?


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## Thundarr

I agree with a few others. Women pursue men already. It's just usually subtle pursuit.


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## chaos

Frankly, I'd be terrified if women pursued me. Thankfully that will never happen


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## ConanHub

Cletus said:


> And you live where, exactly...


Amazon island.


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## Faithful Wife

Thundarr said:


> I agree with a few others. Women pursue men already. It's just usually subtle pursuit.


Sometimes it is not subtle at all.


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## Cletus

Faithful Wife said:


> Cletus if you got married so young, why are you surprised that others who didn't had different experiences than you did?


WTH? What did I say?

Oh, I see it. You mean the line where I asked where I could find these women so 1) should I divorce I would know where to move or 2) send my son if he breaks up with his girlfriend.

Too subtle? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't "get" me in real life then.


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## unbelievable

Women are more involved in the pursuit than men are. They are just more subtle about it.


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## unbelievable

See any 15 year old guys reading wedding magazines?


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## Cletus

unbelievable said:


> See any 15 year old guys reading wedding magazines?


No, they're too busy with their Sear's catalogs.


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## soccermom2three

Cletus said:


> No, they're too busy with their Sear's catalogs.


They still print those?


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## ConanHub

Cletus said:


> No, they're too busy with their Sear's catalogs.


Love this Cletus!:smthumbup:

I have been celibate for months due to travelling for business,

The other day I was walking through Walmart and caught myself checking out a picture of a well endowed Playtex bra model!

OUCH! Brings back memories though. Looking at bra and underwear models was a great pass time when I was 10.


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## chaos

Overheard this at a bar long time ago "Sexually relieved men do not chase women". Not sure I buy into it but it may have some truth to it.


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## ConanHub

chaos said:


> Overheard this at a bar long time ago "Sexually relieved men do not chase women". Not sure I buy into it but it may have some truth to it.


Or stare at boobs in Walmart.


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## Cletus

ConanHub said:


> Or stare at boobs in Walmart.


One time I got the "my eyes are up here" from my wife (joking). To which I could only reply, "Yes, but your boobs are down there".


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## ConanHub

Cletus said:


> One time I got the "my eyes are up here" from my wife (joking). To which I could only reply, "Yes, but your boobs are down there".


My wife is lucky to get me out of the gravitational field of her butt.


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## chaos

Cletus said:


> One time I got the "my eyes are up here" from my wife (joking). To which I could only reply, "Yes, but your boobs are down there".


So if I padded my crotch to the point of it being visibly noticeable, could I also issue the line "my eyes are up here" with righteous indignation?


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## Faithful Wife

Cletus said:


> WTH? What did I say?
> 
> Oh, I see it. You mean the line where I asked where I could find these women so 1) should I divorce I would know where to move or 2) send my son if he breaks up with his girlfriend.
> 
> Too subtle? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't "get" me in real life then.


I just meant that I took what you said literally (where do you live) and interpreted it to mean that you doubt completely that this happens anywhere. Did I not get that right? :scratchhead:

And my point to you was that since you say all the time you've been married for so damn long, don't you think that maybe you did not experience all there was to experience before you hitched up? Maybe if you had waited to get married, you may have dated a bunch of women, and maybe some of them would have pursued you? And maybe even women you would never want to date would have pursued you.

Just sayin', you've been out of the market for so long and it seems like you only had a few young years ON the market...maybe you aren't hip to the way of these things, bro?


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## Cletus

ConanHub said:


> My wife is lucky to get me out of the gravitational field of her butt.


Event horizon jeans, huh?


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## ConanHub

chaos said:


> So if I padded my crotch to the point of it being visibly noticeable, could I also issue the line "my eyes are up here" with righteous indignation?


Just walk around naked. You will get a lot of attention from women looking at your crotch. They really can't help it. Honestly, women look at men's crotches a LOT! If you are really subtle in your observations, you will notice.

They look at the rest of our body parts quite a lot as well!

I think it is fun!


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## Cletus

Faithful Wife said:


> I just meant that I took what you said literally (where do you live) and interpreted it to mean that you doubt completely that this happens anywhere. Did I not get that right? :scratchhead:


No, you did not get that right.

It was a humorous request for his address so that all men like myself might partake of these voracious women. 



> And my point to you was that since you say all the time you've been married for so damn long, don't you think that maybe you did not experience all there was to experience before you hitched up?


Of course I didn't. No one does, even if the attempt to do so is used by many to delay commitment. 



> Maybe if you had waited to get married, you may have dated a bunch of women, and maybe some of them would have pursued you?


I was pursued plenty, thank you very much. 



> And maybe even women you would never want to date would have pursued you.


Them too. In no short supply, in fact. I was fussy. 



> Just sayin', you've been out of the market for so long and it seems like you only had a few young years ON the market...maybe you aren't hip to the way of these things, bro?


Lucky for me, I keep my hip credentials via frank conversations with my 22 year old daughter and 23 year old son. Just today I was asking her about how she handled the consent issue with her boyfriend, for instance. According to her, hookup culture is way over hyped in the media.


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## ConanHub

Cletus said:


> Event horizon jeans, huh?


She wears those yoga pants and works out all the time. Butts are my weakness anyway.


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## chaos

> ConanHub said:
> 
> 
> 
> Just walk around naked. You will get a lot of attention from women looking at your crotch.
> 
> 
> 
> So would the police.:rofl:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> They really can't help it. Honestly, women look at men's crotches a LOT! If you are really subtle in your observations, you will notice.
> 
> Click to expand...
> 
> Oh believe me, I've seen it.
Click to expand...


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## SpinDaddy

ConanHub said:


> This has started so funny that I don't know if I should take it seriously but honestly, women already pursue.
> 
> My wife was the only one I made any effort to pursue and it was mutual.
> 
> All the other women in my life, around 50, pursued me without me going after them at all.
> 
> Both my sons were pursued and seduced by very aggressive, hot little vixens.
> 
> Women seem pretty aggressive to me already.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: :iagree::iagree:

It is truly one of the great misconceptions in life, this notion of a man conquering his woman.


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## SpinDaddy

And actually, now that I think about it, this thread holds the answer to the “How do you teach your son not to rape” thread.

Seriously.


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## chaos

SpinDaddy said:


> And actually, now that I think about it, this thread holds the answer to the “How do you teach your son not to rape” thread.
> 
> Seriously.


:scratchhead:


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## Cletus

chaos said:


> :scratchhead:


Move to Conan's town and let the ladies come to you.


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## Moops

Faithful Wife said:


> Women have to be told not to pursue men or else they do.


Women generelly don't want to pursue. To women being pursued is a HUGE part of the relationship. If they had to do the pursuing to get a relationship, they would see the relationship as worthless. Women want to be desired, not be the one to do the desiring.

The answer the OP.

I don't think women would care if we stopped pursuing them. They would simply go on with their lifes as usual.


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## GusPolinski

ConanHub said:


> Love this Cletus!:smthumbup:
> 
> I have been celibate for months due to travelling for business,
> 
> The other day I was walking through Walmart and caught myself checking out a picture of a well endowed Playtex bra model!
> 
> OUCH! Brings back memories though. Looking at bra and underwear models was a great pass time when I was 10.


Or 39.

:smthumbup:


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## Faithful Wife

Moops said:


> Women generelly don't want to pursue. To women being pursued is a HUGE part of the relationship. If they had to do the pursuing to get a relationship, they would see the relationship as worthless. Women want to be desired, not be the one to do the desiring.


Generally, this is not true. A large percentage of women want to pursue and prefer to pursue. There are many men who prefer to be the pursued and there are women to fill that role.

There is also a large percentage of women who want to be pursued, probably half and half. But of all the women I know who want to be pursued, they are also willing or even eager to pursue. You can be pursued while at the same time do some pursuing yourself. Yet these women get told not to many times. And also women learn that when they do pursue men, it tends to go sideways sometimes. Some men do NOT like being pursued and will run away from it. There is nothing wrong with this, it is just that we are all different. There are large groups of us who are the same, however.

So the pursuers and the pursued, whatever gender, can always find a match if they have enough self-awareness to not choose outside of that compatibility.


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## Faithful Wife

Cletus said:


> Lucky for me, I keep my hip credentials via frank conversations with my 22 year old daughter and 23 year old son. Just today I was asking her about how she handled the consent issue with her boyfriend, for instance. According to her, hookup culture is way over hyped in the media.


Someone who isn't part of that culture wouldn't know much about it, would they? My kids are part of that culture (and I was at one time also) and I can assure you that it is alive and well. I'm not sure what hype you mean. When you have lived it yourself personally and seen it extends far beyond just your experience of it, you know something exists. It isn't dangerous at all for your kids not to believe it exists though, I think that is great. I don't see the point of knowing much about it if it isn't a culture you want to be a part of. Kind of like, Burning Man. Who cares what crazy crap they do if you are never going to go there?

Just because I am fine with hookup culture (as we add enthusiastic consent and the world becomes more and more sex positive) doesn't mean I think everyone should go there. It is a choice. I just don't think there's any moral high ground whether you go there or not. It is there, and some people go there. That's all. It is neither right nor wrong. Like Burning Man...he he.

Sorry if I got you wrong on that previous post. I must not have gotten it based on your reply.


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## Moops

Faithful Wife said:


> Generally, this is not true. A large percentage of women want to pursue and prefer to pursue. There are many men who prefer to be the pursued and there are women to fill that role.
> 
> There is also a large percentage of women who want to be pursued, probably half and half. But of all the women I know who want to be pursued, they are also willing or even eager to pursue. You can be pursued while at the same time do some pursuing yourself. Yet these women get told not to many times. And also women learn that when they do pursue men, it tends to go sideways sometimes. Some men do NOT like being pursued and will run away from it. There is nothing wrong with this, it is just that we are all different. There are large groups of us who are the same, however.
> 
> So the pursuers and the pursued, whatever gender, can always find a match if they have enough self-awareness to not choose outside of that compatibility.


You say such a large percentege of women are fin with doing the pursuing yet in the vast majority of all relationships the man is the pursuer. 

I'd say that it very very rarely happens that a woman makes the first move or takes any sort of initiative, atleast in the dating stage.

And the only ones who are advising women not to pursue is *other* women. This is because women as a group are heavily against women doing the pursuing because tt takes the power away from them when it comes to relationships. Women want the upper hand in relationships, and if they pursue they lose that.


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## Faithful Wife

Moops said:


> You say such a large percentege of women are fin with doing the pursuing yet in the vast majority of all relationships the man is the pursuer.
> 
> I'd say that it very very rarely happens that a woman makes the first move or takes any sort of initiative, atleast in the dating stage.
> 
> And the only ones who are advising women not to pursue is *other* women. This is because women as a group are heavily against women doing the pursuing because tt takes the power away from them when it comes to relationships. Women want the upper hand in relationships, and if they pursue they lose that.


One of the best dating advice books out there was:

Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship: John Gray: 9780060932213: Amazon.com: Books

Written by John Gray, a man. Mostly women read his books but they were for men, too. (Men don't buy as many relationship books, however).

Most of this book is focused on explaining to women why they should ignore their impulse to pursue men. 

I do not agree that all women should ignore that impulse, because many women are successful at it and there are men who prefer to be pursued. But the point I'm making by sharing this book is to show you how entire books are written explaining to women that they should NOT pursue even though they want to.

If a woman likes a guy, some women have a very hard time not calling him and asking him out. As I said this pursuit tends to make some men run away, so the whole point of the book is explaining this dynamic so that women can learn to back off.

Some women do not pursue. Either by nature or they learned it somewhere or they just do not like doing it.

But many women would happily do all the pursuing if the man would remain interested in her and engaged in the courtship process.


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## Faithful Wife

As for women being against other women pursuing, here's another relationship book by a woman for women:

http://www.amazon.com/The-New-Rules-Attraction-Keep/dp/1402266529

This chick's message is "hey ladies, screw what you've heard about not pursuing...go after the man you want!"

I like the overall message, but she's a little off base on some things.

Anyway, just giving you examples of why I thought your statement about women not wanting other women to pursue was weird.


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## Moops

Personal said:


> *The women I have met generally pursue,* my sister has always pursued whenever she found a man she liked. My best mate from High School has never had to chase a woman they're always after him.
> 
> *My wife and ex wife pursued me as have almost every other woman I have had sex with or dated*. Likewise I have turned down offers of sex, dates, being boyfriend and girlfriend plus marriage proposals as well from lots of women.
> 
> Seriously plenty of women pursue men, it's not particularly unusual. There are lots of women who consider their relationships worthwhile even when they pursue the man.


But in what way though? Did they pursue the same way men usually do?


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## Faithful Wife

Yes Moops...women will pursue in the way men usually do.

Some do it differently.

Some do it a lot or a little differently.

But some do it just the same. Take a peek into that book by Arden Leigh.


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## Moops

Faithful Wife said:


> Yes Moops...women will pursue in the way men usually do.
> 
> Some do it differently.
> 
> Some do it a lot or a little differently.
> 
> But some do it just the same. Take a peek into that book by Arden Leigh.


I think what women see as pursuing is completley different from what men see as pursuing.

To get a man to ask you out, by flirting or giving looks or whatever across the room. Is not pursuing.


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## Faithful Wife

Moops said:


> I think what women see as pursuing is completley different from what men see as pursuing.
> 
> To get a man to ask you out, by flirting or giving looks or whatever across the room. Is not pursuing.


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## Thundarr

ConanHub said:


> She wears those yoga pants and works out all the time. Butts are my weakness anyway.


Yoga pants on a nicely built athletic woman is obscenely unfair.


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## Moops

Personal said:


> :iagree:
> 
> Although I have no stats, I think it's reasonable to say it is close to 50/50, which is what I have seen from the 1980's to now. While of course excempting men and women like me, who have seldom had to chase sex and companionship.


But why would a woman want to pursue a man? There's more than enough men who are willing to do the pursuing.


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## GusPolinski

Moops said:


> But why would a woman want to pursue a man? There's more than enough men who are willing to do the pursuing.


But are the ladies in question at all interested in said men...?


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## Holland

Have to say that I have never actively pursued a man, I do however decide who I will let pursue me. So yeah I guess I am the decision maker. 
Have never, would never say to another woman not to pursue, all power to anyone that actively seeks what they want. I am more of a passive seeker of what I want and just let it come to me.

If men stopped pursuing the world would not implode.


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## Moops

Holland said:


> Have to say that I have never actively pursued a man, I do however decide who I will let pursue me. So yeah I guess I am the decision maker.
> Have never, would never say to another woman not to pursue, all power to anyone that actively seeks what they want. I am more of a passive seeker of what I want and just let it come to me.
> 
> *If men stopped pursuing the world would not implode.*


Maybe not, but the world population would be sent into a rapid decline thats for sure.


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## GusPolinski

Moops said:


> Maybe not, but the world population would be sent into a rapid decline thats for sure.


Cool! Can we start in the Northeast US?


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## Thundarr

Holland said:


> If men stopped pursuing the world would not implode.


Na. The definition of survival of the fittest would change but it wouldn't take very long. Women waiting around would be the dinosaur while aggressive women would be the new mothers of humanity :smthumbup:


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## Holland

Thundarr said:


> Na. The definition of survival of the fittest would change but it wouldn't take very long. Women waiting around would be the dinosaur while aggressive women would be the new mothers of humanity :smthumbup:


Wow I like *unbelievable* but damn he must have some power if my words are credited to him.


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## ConanHub

Moops said:


> I think what women see as pursuing is completley different from what men see as pursuing.
> 
> To get a man to ask you out, by flirting or giving looks or whatever across the room. Is not pursuing.


I truly have no idea how many women flirted with me the way you describe. I have been told by my female cousins many.

They, however, simply could not compete with the super aggressive females that were busy aggressively shoving their goodies in my face, offering sexual and non sexual favors and outright engaging me on every level imaginable.

I have been propositioned by three women at once, who had just seen me a couple of times, to be "grouped" by them. They were ready to take me where I wanted to go, buy me dinner and drinks and then be my private harem for a night or three.

I have had two neighbor ladies, both married, approach me at the same time and literally tell me "afternoon delight" was on the menu any day I wanted it.

Two stories out of a lifetime of some pretty hard pursuit by women.

Yes, I see the lighter version you are talking about. The women that are inviting with a little light flirting or a smile. But they have aggressive sisters.


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## chaos

ConanHub said:


> I truly have no idea how many women flirted with me the way you describe. I have been told by my female cousins many.
> 
> They, however, simply could not compete with the super aggressive females that were busy aggressively shoving their goodies in my face, offering sexual and non sexual favors and outright engaging me on every level imaginable.
> 
> I have been propositioned by three women at once, who had just seen me a couple of times, to be "grouped" by them. They were ready to take me where I wanted to go, buy me dinner and drinks and then be my private harem for a night or three.
> 
> I have had two neighbor ladies, both married, approach me at the same time and literally tell me "afternoon delight" was on the menu any day I wanted it.
> 
> Two stories out of a lifetime of some pretty hard pursuit by women.
> 
> Yes, I see the lighter version you are talking about. The women that are inviting with a little light flirting or a smile. But they have aggressive sisters.


A true FILF!

:allhail:


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## Thundarr

Holland said:


> Wow I like *unbelievable* but damn he must have some power if my words are credited to him.


Glad you noticed. I fixed it. TAM wiki has a weird bug. If you decide to multi quote and then change your mind, it seems to get confused.


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## ConanHub

Moops said:


> Maybe not, but the world population would be sent into a rapid decline thats for sure.


OK. Gonna be an A-hole arrogant bastard here and say the population would not go down. A large portion of the population would just look like me.


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## EleGirl

Moops said:


> I think what women see as pursuing is completley different from what men see as pursuing.
> 
> To get a man to ask you out, by flirting or giving looks or whatever across the room. Is not pursuing.


I think you need to read the posts on this thread from guys how clearly have been pursed by women in exactly the same way that men tend to pursue women.


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## SimplyAmorous

Girls let you know what they want...some pretty blatantly... I've seen it with our 3 oldest .. I get a big charge out of it ...mostly because our boys are on the calm side.. they are not aggressive women chasers... .random girls at roller skating rinks, church gatherings, camp grounds, inviting them places...one was begging 3rd son to break up with gf & give her a try...

But I also get to see the other side of this... where they aren't into the vast majority who are wanting to get with them... 

3rd son's 1st gf pursued him, then dumped him after a time ..this hit him hard.... then he got an "I don't give a F__k" attitude towards girls -which they seem to LIKE -which led him to his next GF...



> *Moops said*: Women generelly don't want to pursue. To women being pursued is a HUGE part of the relationship. If they had to do the pursuing to get a relationship, they would see the relationship as worthless. *Women want to be desired*, not be the one to do the desiring.


Yes, I am one of these women ...as I answered on your thread about this (I believe)...

I felt very strongly about this in my youth.. so much never did a guy I had a crush on KNOW.. I just felt it was his place to find me, and make his feelings known... and that's how it worked out.. 

I would feel pushy otherwise like I was "bothering" the guy....I need to know I am wanted 1st, emotionally cared for.... this is my security ....where my individuality can come alive, not second guessing if he really wants me there (or if he secretly fancies someone else)....I don't think it's a lack of self esteem as much as just longing for passionate romance... plus I knew I wanted so much more.. couldn't lay that on someone.. I wanted marriage, kids, the whole package.... the guy had to be ALL IN ...or it wasn't going to work with me.... I had a lot to give ... I wanted to lavish all my energies...it's something he'd have to appreciate about me too....could be handle me ??


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## ConanHub

chaos said:


> A true FILF!
> 
> :allhail:


LOL!!!:rofl::smthumbup::rofl::lol:


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## Holland

My brother is a guy like *Conan *and *Personal*. Won't bore you with the stories but suffice to say that I went to a 30 year school reunion recently and still had (now) women asking me if he was available. 

Too funny, a lifetime in between, most of us married and divorced and they are back out there again looking to pursue.


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## GusPolinski

ConanHub said:


> OK. Gonna be an A-hole arrogant bastard here and say the population would not go down. A large portion of the population would just look like me.


Poor quality, but...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LB_bO_ok8bY

Giggity.


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## Baseballmom6

Cletus said:


> And you live where, exactly...



My thoughts exactly!


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## DayOne

chaos said:


> Frankly, I'd be terrified if women pursued me. Thankfully that will never happen


:iagree:


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## SimplyAmorous

All of my crushes in high school were the guys who *didn't* *have it*.. I secretly crushed on those who just weren't noticed too much... the shyer CUTE boys...they had their own mystery to unravel ... .. but if they were popular, I didn't even go there...

I would always dissuade my friends who crushed on the popular Jocks giving them the statistical odds....I could be such a realistic downer I suppose!! (hope I don't sound too much like your Father Intheory!)....it's not like we were hanging out with the "in crowd"....

Those boys could have any cheerleader they winked at...they breathed EGO... .. I never cared about sports..... but if the boy played guitar...it was hard to not go there.. 



intheory said:


> I have a shameful memory of my stepfather saying to me, with a look and tone in his voice of disgust; "you're _chasing_ this guy".
> 
> It's still embarrassing to remember.
> 
> I came of age in the early-to-mid-80's. I thought equal rights meant it was okay to act, well, "equally".
> 
> I would enjoy holding doors open for guys  (Much to my friends horror).
> 
> I've left guys notes in their locker; tastefully telling them how cute he was and that I'd like to go out with them.
> 
> I've bought dinner, presents, flowers. Gone to his place to pick him up and done the driving.
> 
> I've approached a guy in a group and started talking to him. Again, my girlfriend was horrified.
> 
> I don't regret it. I hope those men remember that a young woman really was interested in them.


 You sure weren't SHY [email protected]#$

I had 2 GF's like you.. they were kinda shameless in this way...it was a part of their overall personality...you gotta be YOU.... I lost tract of the one.. but the other -she did snag one she wanted in her 30's... after her divorce... she had a naturally outgoing personality.. always a riot when she was around.. 



> Weirdly, I never chased my husband. I considered him "out of my league" looks wise. So, it never would have occurred to me to chase him.
> 
> And he doesn't like women chasing him!!!
> 
> It's weird how it works out sometimes.


:smthumbup:


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## lucy999

intheory said:


> I have a shameful memory of my stepfather saying to me, with a look and tone in his voice of disgust; "you're _chasing_ this guy".


While I have this audience, how do you men feel about women pursuing men in general?

I was born and raised a Mormon (no longer practicing). Among their recommended reading was "The Man of Steel and Velvet" and "Fascinating Womanhood." It taught women to be pursued, the typical 50s type of woman. That said, I'm 46 and times have changed.

I feel most comfortable in that role. A coworker and I were talking about how tough it must be to be a man because of all the potential rejection you get from females.


----------



## NextTimeAround

All my long term relatonships -- but one -- the guy has pursued me.

He introduces himself to me and heasks for the first date. I have tried to be the initiator /pursuer but those attempts have never gone anywhere.

I've decided that I do best with Alpha men and alpha men can only appreciate the feelings of accomplishment when they are the pursuer.

And one other things that's interesting is how it's easy to insult a woman on this matter. For example, by the fifth date with my husband, he reminisced on how we met. His version -- at that moment, I later found out that he was texting his just a friend ex that whole day we were out together, we went to a big picnic that day --of how we met was that I was coming on to him and he couldn't get rid of me.

My version of how we met was that during one of the breaks during the fist Word Cup game, I went to the bathroom and when I came back, my (future) husband was talking to my friend. She introduced us. He asked me what restuarants would I recommend. Suggested that we see each other again, gave me his business card; offered to buy me a drink. when the game was over, my friend wanted to go somewhere to get something to eat. I suggested that he join us. He immediately said yes.

Even my friends version -- after I had gone to the bathroom, the meetup organiser introduced my friend to my (future) husband under the guise that we all Americans and then my friend introduced me to him when I came back from the bathroom.

While he was telling me his version of how we met, I was insulted and then I thought, I guess he has some other options. Knowing what I know now -- the fact that he was texting this other woman that day we were together -- makes feel as if he was trying to inventory a couple of reasons why I would be worthy of dumping should the time come.

I later asked him a couple of times who approached whom regarding his just a friend ex, he said he couldn't remember. (well, that's one way to close down discussion)

My opinion on this matter is now firmly set. If a guy has anything less than a dreamy memory of how he met his LTR partner, I'm convinced he's not sure how long he plans to hang around. Even if the woman was the aggressor in the situation, he would be thinking how lucky he was that she chose him that evening and so on.


----------



## Fozzy

Not a mormon, but I grew up in a heavily mormon populated area, and I assure you there were not many women doing a lot of chasing.

Compare this to Pacific NW areas like where FW lives and I'm sure you'd find a major difference in behavior. This is HEAVILY influenced by geography due to culture.


----------



## southbound

For those who feel that women pursue, I suppose if a man is single, nice looking, and no negative characteristics, then he should expect to be pursued at some point. If not, something about him isn't desirable to women. Is that fair to say?


----------



## SpinDaddy

SpinDaddy said:


> And actually, now that I think about it, this thread holds the answer to the “How do you teach your son not to rape” thread.
> Seriously.





chaos said:


> :scratchhead:


Sorry, my ambiguous point was there is another thread on TAM right now going to the effect of teaching your children, sons in particular, how not to “rape” but really to not force himself on women - the date rape scenario. Actually there are a number of sub-issues going on but that is the 30,000 ft. summary.

Unfortunately, due to the emotion of the issue and the “situational ethics” nature of the matter, the whole discussion has gone off on the usual TAM tangents, fact-specific antidotal accountings, and so on and so on.

From my perspective, and in line with the context of this thread, I find it difficult to wholly understand some accountings in the “date rape” discussions where male posters have thrown out, the “You’re trying to get down this girls pants and she leads you on and then says no, and then yes and so on” because from my experience, at that point in the relationship, the girl/woman has always been clear/taken the initiative.

I’ve just always thought a lot of the “ladies men” I’ve known delude themselves into thinking they’re “getting the girl”. My experience is “the girl” has already made that decision.

And FWIW, born and raised in SW United States in a very LDS “Mormon” community and think my observations are equally, if not more, applicable to LDS.


----------



## Thundarr

lucy999 said:


> While I have this audience, *how do you men feel about women pursuing men in general*?
> 
> I was born and raised a Mormon (no longer practicing). Among their recommended reading was "The Man of Steel and Velvet" and "Fascinating Womanhood." It taught women to be pursued, the typical 50s type of woman. That said, I'm 46 and times have changed.
> 
> I feel most comfortable in that role. A coworker and I were talking about how tough it must be to be a man because of all the potential rejection you get from females.


Rejection isn't all that bad but I always liked it when girls would at least show interest so I didn't have to guess about it. They didn't have be aggressive but sometimes they were. Now after my first marriage ended and I was back in the dating scene again then I had to pursue because it was new circles and I had zero reputation. 

Whether women pursue or not? it's fine either way but mixed signals are annoying. Some women play hard-to-get and send the same signals as other women who are not interested at all.


----------



## ntamph

Personal said:


> It varies, some examples follow below.
> 
> At 16 when I was in Year 10 in High School, I was invited to an 18 year old Year 12 girls house while her parents were at work, where she plucked up the courage to ask me to be her boyfriend. I turned her down, she asked me to take some time to think about it and asked if she could kiss me anyway, told me she was a virgin (which I was at the time as well), and said she hoped we might lose our virginity together.
> 
> At 17 I went to a friends 18th birthday party and met my first wife who was 16 at the time. She asked a friend to tell me that she wanted to talk to me, so I went over and she told me she really liked my smile, my eyes, my shoes. She then tells me she wants to kiss me and has never asked a boy before, we then went on to lose our virginity together a couple of hours later, spent the night together and were together for three years before we got married.
> 
> At 22 at a party I was with one of only three women I have ever pursued. When a 19 year old woman who was a sister of one of my friends housemates got me alone for a few minutes and directly asked me to have sex with her, I told her that I was with someone else at the party and it wouldn't be right. She then said I am a virgin and I really want you and I don't want to be a virgin anymore. Again I told her no and said I am sorry if the situation was different I would say yes but I don't think you ought to lose your virginity with me in this situation. I got no sex that night with my date while the other woman lost her virginity with someone else, I don't regret the decision and I am glad she got what she wanted.
> 
> At 24, just after I had got off a bus going home following drinking at various pubs with friends when a woman (who was 28) who had been sitting in front of my mate and I with her friends. Ran up to me pressed a note with her name and phone number on it and kissed me passionately and said please call me, I've got to go but you must call (or something like that). I had barely spoken to her or her friends on that bus ride yet she did what has happened to me lots of times.
> 
> We went out soon after where she bought me lunch and nothing happened despite the electricity that you needed a knife to cut through. So she then asked me out that night again, where she paid for the movie, dinner took me to her home. She then asked why hadn't I kissed her in the park earlier etc, then moments later we were having sex at her advance.
> 
> At almost 26 my now wife who was almost 27 asked me out at work for lunch, which led to a movie the next day which led to her kissing me which led to her seeing me again at her mostly student share house, where she grabbed me and pulled me to the floor to have sex with her. We've been together for over 18 years now and have been married for over 15, we still have lots of sex, enjoy each others company and are raising a couple of so far nice and clever kids.


This doesn't happen to most guys.


----------



## ntamph

southbound said:


> For those who feel that women pursue, I suppose if a man is single, nice looking, and no negative characteristics, then he should expect to be pursued at some point. If not, something about him isn't desirable to women. Is that fair to say?


This.

I'll assume Conan is pretty built based on his profile picture and that the other guys saying they've been pursued their entire lives are like that. They are part of the 20%.


----------



## southbound

ntamph said:


> This.
> 
> I'll assume Conan is pretty built based on his profile picture and that the other guys saying they've been pursued their entire lives are like that. They are part of the 20%.


I guess that applies to me(the description I gave).. I'm 46 and have been single for 4 years. I don't look like a soap start with his shirt off, but I've seen worse. I'm just average build and not bad looking. In that 4 years, however, I don't recall any pursuits. I get along well with women; I haven't seen anybody running for the hill. The married ladies I work with seem to enjoy my company; however, no pursuits from single women. So, I assume there must be something about me that just doesn't spark interest. Would that be safe to say?


----------



## ntamph

southbound said:


> I guess that applies to me(the description I gave).. I'm 46 and have been single for 4 years. I don't look like a soap start with his shirt off, but I've seen worse. I'm just average build and not bad looking. In that 4 years, however, I don't recall any pursuits. I get along well with women; I haven't seen anybody running for the hill. The married ladies I work with seem to enjoy my company; however, no pursuits from single women. So, I assume there must be something about me that just doesn't spark interest. Would that be safe to say?


Yes. Women will pursue a certain kind of man but not most men.


----------



## Jellybeans

Learned gender roles.

Women have been told a million times that they should not pursue men, that it is bad form, and that if a man is interested, he will make it known.

So a lot of women do not pursue men.

Gender roles start pretty early in life and society/culture ingrains a lot of this in our head.

I am not into pursuing people. I'm not the best flirt and get flustered easily. Not to say I haven't ever tried but it is not my preference.


----------



## Jellybeans

Thundarr said:


> Yoga pants on a nicely built athletic woman is obscenely unfair.


----------



## Shoto1984

As someone in the dating world, I can tell you that I don't pursue women. I think part of that is my age and stage of life. I've been married, had the kids/family etc. so no goal to attain other then the benefits of finding someone who's company I enjoy. I did the online dating thing for awhile and didn't try to sell myself. I posted the facts and if that attracted a woman great.....if not...fine too. If I reached out to a woman it was a one time thing. "Here's a little about me....if you'd like to chat and get to know each other let me know..." I'm happy to say this worked well.


----------



## ConanHub

lucy999 said:


> While I have this audience, how do you men feel about women pursuing men in general?


I don't see anything wrong with it as long as she has some realistic views.

There were some ladies that took it very personal if they pursued and got turned down.

I think it is getting better however. My oldest doesn't date but my youngest son was pursued by his first GF when they were volunteering at the Y. She was a nice girl but too much drama.

He broke up with her after 3 years and stayed single for a while.

His current GF met him at a friends house and asked a friend who he was. She then told her friend and the other girls that he was hers, to back off. She pursued him, asked to start dating him. He actually made her wait 4 months to see how they were as friends first!:smthumbup:

They are getting close to the 1 year mark now.

Both pursued him. The first girl was nice but a little wild and full of drama.

The second and current GF, is a very nice girl with a very strong family foundation. She is very proper, respects her parents and us. She is very responsible, has a job and is starting nursing school.

I think female pursuit to be fairly normal. We are in the pacific NW, Seattle/Tacoma area. That is where I raised my family.

I grew up pretty much in the same area but spent more time in Montana, Oregon and Idaho.

Could be a regional thing like Fozzy said?:scratchhead:

Be interesting to study female pursuit by region.


----------



## ConanHub

P.S. To cover an earlier statement, my oldest son used to date a lot but is working in ministry now helping the homeless and helping people with rehab. He is not interested in relationships right now.

He had some almost crazy aggressive girls after him when he was available though!

Had to have a talk with two of them.


----------



## ConanHub

southbound said:


> I guess that applies to me(the description I gave).. I'm 46 and have been single for 4 years. I don't look like a soap start with his shirt off, but I've seen worse. I'm just average build and not bad looking. In that 4 years, however, I don't recall any pursuits. I get along well with women; I haven't seen anybody running for the hill. The married ladies I work with seem to enjoy my company; however, no pursuits from single women. So, I assume there must be something about me that just doesn't spark interest. Would that be safe to say?


You might just need a little edge. Would you say you are comfortably confident?


----------



## Jellybeans

ConanHub said:


> Be interesting to study female pursuit by region.


That sounds like a really fun research study. :rofl:


----------



## ConanHub

Jellybeans said:


> That sounds like a really fun research study. :rofl:


Are you being a perv?


----------



## FormerSelf

To address the thread title, I think if men stopped pursuing women, _some_ of those women would certainly lose leverage from the status earned by men competing over her. 

Supply and demand...

A woman could feel adrift in terms of her chances of scaling up when her perceived value may be in question..._if_ she is relying on the feedback of pursuit and competition to assess her desirability.


----------



## Holland

FormerSelf said:


> To address the thread title,* I think if men stopped pursuing women, some of those women would certainly lose leverage from the status earned by men competing over her.
> *
> Supply and demand...
> 
> A woman could feel adrift in terms of her chances of scaling up when her perceived value may be in question..._if_ she is relying on the feedback of pursuit and competition to assess her desirability.


I'm not so sure. If men stopped pursuing then it is possible that the women that were once the pursued would then go into action. 

As I said I have never pursued but mainly because I never really needed to. I would find the energy to do it if the world suddenly changed and I had to go after what I wanted.


----------



## Catherine602

southbound said:


> For those who feel that women pursue, I suppose if a man is single, nice looking, and no negative characteristics, then he should expect to be pursued at some point. If not, something about him isn't desirable to women. Is that fair to say?


No. He may be sending out a subtle message that he is not interested. He may also not realize he has been hit on because of his expectations. People have a tendency to see what they want to see.

Women don't have a chance to pursue men because they (women) are busy fielding hits from men. I think if men stopped hitting, women would take up the slack.


----------



## Thundarr

Upon thinking about this some more, if would flip things upside down in a few ways.

For women, risk would be rewarded more and beauty rewarded less. For men, good looks would be rewarded more and risk rewarded less. Who knows, maybe men would be more well groomed and primped and women would be cat calling and wolf whistling.


----------



## southbound

ConanHub said:


> You might just need a little edge. Would you say you are comfortably confident?


It might be for a woman to gauge that in me, but I think my confidence is good. I certainly don't feel or act shy around women.


----------



## ConanHub

southbound said:


> It might be for a woman to gauge that in me, but I think my confidence is good. I certainly don't feel or act shy around women.


Do you date successfully? Are you just wanting to see how to get a woman or two to pursue you?


----------



## ConanHub

intheory said:


> PNW rules:woohoo:
> 
> (Too bad we don't have any smilies that look like clouds or raindrops)


Or a smily for sexually aggressive women. Maybe there is something in the water?


----------



## ConanHub

Personal. I think there might be something to your "beacon" theory.

I am 5'10" and have good proportions but there have always been more muscular, taller and better looking men around me.

I still, without trying, wiped the floor with the majority of them when it came to sexual competition. Tall women had no problem on my arm in public and I seemed to be the guy most women were gunning for.

I absolutely agree with the premise of women, who are sexually aggressive and their pursuit, not just of me, of men for relationships and just sex.


----------



## Trickster

Faithful Wife said:


> One of the best dating advice books out there was:
> 
> Mars and Venus on a Date: A Guide for Navigating the 5 Stages of Dating to Create a Loving and Lasting Relationship: John Gray: 9780060932213: Amazon.com: Books
> 
> Written by John Gray, a man. Mostly women read his books but they were for men, too. (Men don't buy as many relationship books, however).
> 
> Most of this book is focused on explaining to women why they should ignore their impulse to pursue men.
> 
> I do not agree that all women should ignore that impulse, because many women are successful at it and there are men who prefer to be pursued. But the point I'm making by sharing this book is to show you how entire books are written explaining to women that they should NOT pursue even though they want to.
> 
> If a woman likes a guy, some women have a very hard time not calling him and asking him out. As I said this pursuit tends to make some men run away, so the whole point of the book is explaining this dynamic so that women can learn to back off.
> 
> Some women do not pursue. Either by nature or they learned it somewhere or they just do not like doing it.
> 
> *But many women would happily do all the pursuing if the man would remain interested in her and engaged in the courtship process.*




Before my wife, 22 some years ago, when I was cute, all the gf's pursued me. Once they had my attention, I was all over them.... They just had to let me know.

I think many men don't know when a woman is interested or just being friendly. 

Many women seem "friendly" with me. I don't know if it qualifies for pursuing though... I am not divorced yet, so it doesn't matter.

I can't imagine that a confident woman would just sit back a wait for the man to make the first move...


----------



## chaos

Ms Pacman act 2 The Chase


----------



## ConanHub

chaos said:


> Ms Pacman act 2 The Chase


I really loved that game! Loved the chase scene too. Good memories.


----------



## Trickster

Wasn't there a movie about the gender role s being reversed?

The women were the Alphas and the men meekly waited for the women to approach...

It could have been a porn flick from way back. Maybe a Twilight Zone episode?


----------



## ConanHub

Trickster said:


> Wasn't there a movie about the gender role s being reversed?
> 
> The women were the Alphas and the men meekly waited for the women to approach...
> 
> It could have been a porn flick from way back. Maybe a Twilight Zone episode?


I have seen that theme played out a couple of times in different Sci-Fi but nothing specific comes to mind.


----------



## Fozzy

Jellybeans said:


> Learned gender roles.
> 
> Women have been told a million times that they should not pursue men, that it is bad form, and that if a man is interested, he will make it known.
> 
> So a lot of women do not pursue men.
> 
> Gender roles start pretty early in life and society/culture ingrains a lot of this in our head.
> 
> I am not into pursuing people. I'm not the best flirt and get flustered easily. Not to say I haven't ever tried but it is not my preference.


And to all the men, past and present, that have ever said anything that caused a woman to not hit on me when she otherwise would have, I say:

F*ck you. F*ck you with a broomstick.


----------



## ConanHub

Fozzy said:


> And to all the men, past and present, that have ever said anything that caused a woman to not hit on me when she otherwise would have, I say:
> 
> F*ck you. F*ck you with a broomstick.


????????:scratchhead:


----------



## Holland

Personal said:


> *Not me, I'm 5'3" tall and except for having broad shoulders and a pleasant face and being fit *and skinny until more recent years where I put weight on (which I've now started to lose :yay. Yet I do still draw interest from some (of course not all) women who tend to be taller than me as has been my experience throughout my life.........


You are not down Sth are you? 

Very few men make me take a second look but recently while in the supermarket there was a guy, would have been 5'3"ish and way too young for me to be looking at but oh my he was magnetic.

I married a short guy, also slim but very toned and strong.

Am now with a very tall, broad, sexy as hell man but he has a bit of a tummy and is balding. 

Men think they know what women want, all that talk about tall, muscles blah blah blah. Not for me, it is about attitude and being well dressed no matter your size.


----------



## NextTimeAround

Trickster said:


> Wasn't there a movie about the gender role s being reversed?
> 
> The women were the Alphas and the men meekly waited for the women to approach...
> 
> It could have been a porn flick from way back. Maybe a Twilight Zone episode?


There's Boomerang with Eddie Murphy, robin givens, HAlle Berry, Eartha Kit, Grace Jones.......

one of my all time favorite movies. Eddie Murphy plays a marketing executive and the dating roles are reversed.


----------



## southbound

Personal said:


> Not me, I'm 5'3" tall and except for having broad shoulders and a pleasant face and being fit and skinny until more recent years where I put weight on (which I've now started to lose :yay. Yet I do still draw interest from some (of course not all) women who tend to be taller than me as has been my experience throughout my life.
> 
> I think there are some men and women alike who draw attention without having to do anything, from some of the opposite sex.
> 
> I don't think being built or not (that said it's cool to be fit and healthy), specifically draws interest alone, it really is a combination of things some people just have a bit of a beacon above their head saying I'm attractive come this way even if they don't realise it. I've seen short tall, fat skinny handsome and ugly draw pursuit from others, because they have something more about them than their appearance alone.
> 
> I really do believe that most women absolutely love sex voraciously, with the caveat that they have to enjoy the sex they are having and it isn't always about orgasm but plenty of them along the way help a lot as well.
> 
> One thing also worth noting is that although some can draw sexual desire easily they aren't always good at sex some are some aren't, we're all different.
> 
> As to pursuit, intheory's experience of putting herself out there seemed to be the norm for lots of girls I went to school with and with many of those I have encountered through adulthood.
> 
> I think it's very sexy when a woman asks a man out.


You may have something there. It has to be something beyond the obvious, because I am often puzzled at how some guys seem to have no trouble keeping a girl on their arm all the time.

The opposite issue is puzzling too. There are guys who seem to be above other men in looks, personality, etc., but they apparently don't have that beacon above their head that says, "come get me." I've never understood what that consists of.


----------



## ConanHub

Fozzy said:


> And to all the men, past and present, that have ever said anything that caused a woman to not hit on me when she otherwise would have, I say:
> 
> F*ck you. F*ck you with a broomstick.


Okay. Got it now. A little slow on the uptake.


----------



## Jellybeans

ConanHub said:


> Are you being a perv?


Always.

But seriously, I do actually think that'd make for a fun research study idea. It would be very interesting to see the results.



Fozzy said:


> And to all the men, past and present, that have ever said anything that caused a woman to not hit on me when she otherwise would have, I say:
> 
> F*ck you. F*ck you with a broomstick.


:rofl:


----------



## JCD

ConanHub said:


> OK. Gonna be an A-hole arrogant bastard here and say the population would not go down. A large portion of the population would just look like me.


And let's see the score on 'A-hole arrogant bastard'. What do the judges say?


----------



## Ikaika

Moops said:


> Women generelly don't want to pursue. To women being pursued is a HUGE part of the relationship. If they had to do the pursuing to get a relationship, they would see the relationship as worthless. Women want to be desired, not be the one to do the desiring.
> 
> 
> 
> The answer the OP.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't think women would care if we stopped pursuing them. They would simply go on with their lifes as usual.



I don't know about that, the first date with my wife (many many many years ago) she asked me out. Although, I did pursue her initially and when she would not give me her number I gave her mine. She then pursued me.


----------



## heartsbeating

intheory said:


> I don't regret it. I hope those men remember that a young woman really was interested in them.


I love your thought here.

And chuckled with mention that your friend was horrified that you approached a guy in a crowd. I approached guys too. My friends just watched it play out. An example is when I saw a guy I recognized from school, (he hadn't been in our year - he was slightly older), at a club. I took that as opportunity to make myself known. The only thing is when he gave me his number, he asked me to promise to call him. He did this with a laugh and I misinterpreted, thinking he was taking the p!ss. So I didn't call, figuring it was a fake number. I didn't give my number out. I was young and immature with enough confidence to approach but not clarify why he'd laughed. A few days later, he turned up to our house. From our conversation, he had a rough idea where I lived and then went door-to-door until he found me. After a couple of streets, he knocked on someone's door who knew me and then told him where I lived. It sounds creepy when I write it out but at the time I was taken aback and touched. He was there, grinning nervously, asking why I hadn't called him. I told him, he clarified, and we dated. I had a big crush on him. If he hadn't gone to the effort of finding me though, we wouldn't have dated. 

I enjoy flirtation. I also needed to feel desired. So maybe for me, it was about initiating the interest before courting. I love that word, courting. 




intheory said:


> Weirdly, I never chased my husband. I considered him "out of my league" looks wise. So, it never would have occurred to me to chase him.
> 
> And he doesn't like women chasing him!!!
> 
> It's weird how it works out sometimes.


This is similar to me too. Although, for different reason but it didn't occur to me to chase him either. My husband made his interest known. He expected the same from me. He initiated and I guess, pursued me. Looking back, he was bold. Which I thoroughly welcomed. He was the only one I gave my number to. He's more into mystery and (at times) subtlety. It is indeed weird how it works out sometimes.


----------



## heartsbeating

southbound said:


> So, I assume there must be something about me that just doesn't spark interest. Would that be safe to say?


I think if you assume there's something about you that doesn't spark interest, you're probably right. 

Looks and personality aside, there's a lot to be said for the vibe of a person.


----------



## JCD

I have to say I have been pursued...and frankly a lot more these days.

Only a couple of times, however, was it with someone I was attracted to. Once it was a girl so far out of my league that I can hardly believe it. And I whiffed and didn't even take the swing.

And let me tell you...it is very uncomfortable being pursued. Because they have made themselves emotionally vulnerable to you and put their self esteem in your hands to a certain extent.

I can see where women resent CONSTANTLY being hit on as a result. They never asked to that burden and I can see them becoming short as a result. Unwilling to give out a 'soft landing' for something they never even asked for. But there is a certain...amusement people take when a man is blatantly pursued by a woman.

But from my experience, women do pursue.


----------



## SimplyAmorous

Jellybeans said:


> Learned gender roles.
> 
> Women have been told a million times that they should not pursue men, that it is bad form, and that if a man is interested, he will make it known.
> 
> So a lot of women do not pursue men.
> 
> Gender roles start pretty early in life and society/culture ingrains a lot of this in our head.


*I have reasoned this out *..to why I feel as strongly as I do.. despite my upbringing , obviously more conservative in nature / Christian / the man should pursue... plus I ADORE, eat this up in Romances.. it would seem backwards to me, something lost if the woman pursued.. I love love love old time romances.. the "courting aspect"..all of it...










(I feel) If the girl is wanting something long term/ emotionally attached / ultimately seeking marriage...I feel it's in her best interest to allow the man to pursue her, she is *more likely* to get someone "head over heels"... I can't shake that.. it just makes the most sense to me.. 

It doesn't mean it is always true, of course not.. people change, fall out of love...Looks gets his initial attention generally (hey this is a big part of chemistry).... but still it can fall apart after that...

But yeah... I want the guy to notice ME from across the room type thing.. to stir him enough to make a move... so that I know I was "set apart" to catch his attention...







if you will. 

However.... if the woman is just looking for FUN / short term / a night of sex.. by all means, pursue...GO GIRL [email protected]#$...

Thing is...if someone like me did this... I'd likely come off a Di** tease who wouldn't put out quick enough... since so many men today expect sex by the 3rd date -and plenty to give it ...or they drop you...

I would terribly question his feelings for me, which could take some Time & convincing that he was AS INTO ME .. as I was initially INTO HIM.


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## Moops

SimplyAmorous said:


> *I have reasoned this out *..to why I feel as strongly as I do.. despite my upbringing , obviously more conservative in nature / Christian / the man should pursue... plus I ADORE, eat this up in Romances..* it would seem backwards to me, something lost if the woman pursued*.. I love love love old time romances.. the "courting aspect"..all of it...


This is my impression of women also. That if they had to pursue it would just never be the same, it could lead to a great relationship but it would always be nagging in the back of the head for the woman that she had to pursue.



> (I feel) If the girl is wanting something long term/ emotionally attached / ultimately seeking marriage...I feel it's in her best interest to allow the man to pursue her, she is *more likely* to get someone "head over heels"... I can't shake that.. it just makes the most sense to me..
> 
> It doesn't mean it is always true, of course not.. people change, fall out of love...Looks gets his initial attention generally (hey this is a big part of chemistry).... but still it can fall apart after that...
> 
> But yeah... I want the guy to notice ME from across the room type thing.. to stir him enough to make a move... so that I know I was "set apart" to catch his attention...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> if you will.
> 
> However.... if the woman is just looking for FUN / short term / a night of sex.. by all means, pursue...GO GIRL [email protected]#$...
> 
> Thing is...if someone like me did this... I'd likely come off a Di** tease who wouldn't put out quick enough... since so many men today expect sex by the 3rd date -and plenty to give it ...or they drop you...
> 
> I would terribly question his feelings for me, which could take some Time & convincing that he was AS INTO ME .. as I was initially INTO HIM.


I think women have to feel that the man desires her more than she desires him to be content with the relationship. 

Women want to feel that the man loves her a little bit more, desires her a little bit more, is into her a little bit more in general. 

I'm not saying that women want it to be entirely a one way street. But I think they want the relationship dynamics to be a _little_ bit skewed in her favor. The one who loves/cares less generally has more "power" in the relationship.

It would be intresting to know why this is. Is it maybe biological? Is it maybe related to human nature and survival that the woman has to feel like the man loves her more than vice versa? Or is it social? Do women feel more secure if the man loves her more seeing as how women for the most part of history stayed at home?


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## SimplyAmorous

Moops said:


> This is my impression of women also. That if they had to pursue it would just never be the same, it could lead to a great relationship but it would always be nagging in the back of the head for the woman that she had to pursue.
> 
> I think women have to feel that the man desires her more than she desires him to be content with the relationship.
> 
> Women want to feel that the man loves her a little bit more, desires her a little bit more, is into her a little bit more in general.
> 
> I'm not saying that women want it to be entirely a one way street. But I think they want the relationship dynamics to be a _little_ bit skewed in her favor. The one who loves/cares less generally has more "power" in the relationship.
> 
> It would be intresting to know why this is. Is it maybe biological? Is it maybe related to human nature and survival that the woman has to feel like the man loves her more than vice versa? Or is it social? Do women feel more secure if the man loves her more seeing as how women for the most part of history stayed at home?


You have ME pegged Moops ! *Everything you say is TRUE of ME*....Yes I want that.. I really don't care IF it makes me sound bad, insecure , whatever... I wanted a family, a best friend to stand by my side... I wanted a *ONE WOMAN man*...that to me was worth waiting for ....I wanted to know if I gave this guy my







, my passion, my life, my body... he wasn't secretly just using me, biding his time while hoping to get in the hot girls pants next door ...ya know... 

It's not that I need POWER in a relationship but I so wanted to love and DOTE on a worthy man who wasn't going to leave me high & dry....who wanted all of me, only me, HIGH ROMANCE...and who could handle me ... 

I'd call myself a "hopeless romantic"..very sensitive about such things... I don't feel most men are like this... but the older fashioned type are more likely to be... less playing around / partying ...but seeking marriage/family...knowing it is in the man's role to pursue, also to protect & Provide...

The tide is surely changing.. I have to wonder if you are around more conservative types to feel this way.. and DOES THIS BOTHER YOU?? Curious where you are coming from... do you feel it's a BAD THING....like us women need to get over ourselves?....it's your turn to be pursued.. (hey they are out there -just look at these replies!!)....I guess you are in the wrong circles.. 

The interesting thing about myself & husband is.... I am the more dominant in personality over him.... we're an opposite attracting couple for sure...he's always been attracted to feisty "strong minded" women... yet we both agree on these more traditional roles.. very compatible here.


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## Jellybeans

SimplyAmorous said:


> But yeah... I want the guy to notice ME from across the room type thing.. to stir him enough to make a move... so that I know I was "set apart" to catch his attention...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> if you will.


That is a very nice notion. To know you stood out from everyone. 



Moops said:


> Women want to feel that the man loves her a little bit more, desires her a little bit more, is into her a little bit more in general.
> 
> I'm not saying that women want it to be entirely a one way street. But I think they want the relationship dynamics to be a _little_ bit skewed in her favor. T*he one who loves/cares less generally has more "power" in the relationship.*
> 
> Do women feel more secure if the man loves her more seeing as how women for the most part of history stayed at home?


Eh, I really dislike the whole "power" thing. I think relationships should be equal. Whenever one person "cares more" as you say or "loves more" that isn't an equal or balanced relationship, whether it is the male or female. And personally I can't think of anything worse than someone being with someone who really just isn't as into them as the other person is.


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## Moops

Jellybeans said:


> Eh, I really dislike the whole "power" thing. I think relationships should be equal. Whenever one person "cares more" as you say or "loves more" that isn't an equal or balanced relationship, whether it is the male or female.


True, relationships should be equal but they rarely are. 



> And personally I can't think of anything worse than someone being with someone who really just isn't as into them as the other person is


True but this is the reality for most men in relationships.

Most women seem to prefer it when the man loves/cares more than her.

If women had the choice between two men she likes. One man is equally as into her as she is into him. And the other man is way more into her than she is into him. Who would most women choose?


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## toonaive

"A man chases a woman until she catches him."

Women do peruse men, they let us do the initial chasing, wearing us down, then they go in for the "kill".

They let us think we swept them off their feet. Masters of building or destroying the male ego.


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## Moops

SimplyAmorous said:


> You have ME pegged Moops ! *Everything you say is TRUE of ME*....Yes I want that.. I really don't care IF it makes me sound bad, insecure , whatever... I wanted a family, a best friend to stand by my side... I wanted a *ONE WOMAN man*...that to me was worth waiting for ....I wanted to know if I gave this guy my
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> , my passion, my life, my body... he wasn't secretly just using me, biding his time while hoping to get in the hot girls pants next door ...ya know...
> 
> It's not that I need POWER in a relationship but I so wanted to love and DOTE on a worthy man who wasn't going to leave me high & dry....who wanted all of me, only me, HIGH ROMANCE...and who could handle me ...
> 
> I'd call myself a "hopeless romantic"..very sensitive about such things... I don't feel most men are like this... but the older fashioned type are more likely to be... less playing around / partying ...but seeking marriage/family...knowing it is in the man's role to pursue, also to protect & Provide...
> 
> *The tide is surely changing.. I have to wonder if you are around more conservative types to feel this way.. and DOES THIS BOTHER YOU?? Curious where you are coming from... do you feel it's a BAD THING....like us women need to get over ourselves?....it's your turn to be pursued.. (hey they are out there -just look at these replies!!)....I guess you are in the wrong circles.. *
> 
> The interesting thing about myself & husband is.... I am the more dominant in personality over him.... we're an opposite attracting couple for sure...he's always been attracted to feisty "strong minded" women... yet we both agree on these more traditional roles.. very compatible here.


I guess it does bother me a little bit. But at the same time alot of relationships are happy and succesful, alot of men are probably very happy in their relationships even if their wives don't love or care about them as much as they do about them. So maybe its not a big deal in reality? 

I do understand that women want to be pursued and that its probably in human nature that men are pursuers and women want to be pursued.

I think maybe all of this, women want to be pursued, women want to be loved more and so on might be because of instinct or biology or whatever you want to call it because women are the ones who give birth and therefore needs a man who is 100% invested and unlikely to stray. 

So therefore it might be better as a whole for the succes of the relationship if the man cares and loves a little bit more.


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## Thundarr

Jellybeans said:


> Eh, I really dislike the whole "power" thing. I think relationships should be equal. Whenever one person "cares more" as you say or "loves more" that isn't an equal or balanced relationship, whether it is the male or female. And personally I can't think of anything worse than someone being with someone who really just isn't as into them as the other person is.


Care and love are confused for dependency a lot though. A lot of people are dependent on the other and would compromise principles to stay with them. To them, it seems like their partner doesn't love them as much because they know their partners have boundaries and would move on if necessary. There's a distinct power imbalance in relationships where this is the case. It however is the fault of the partner who doesn't maintain boundaries.


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## Runs like Dog

They'd be branded 'passive aggressive'


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## Jellybeans

Moops said:


> If women had the choice between two men she likes. One man is equally as into her as she is into him. And the other man is way more into her than she is into him. Who would most women choose?


Personally, I'd choose the former. I would not want to be with someone who I wasn't as into. That seems really unfair and unkind.


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## skype

Moops said:


> If women had the choice between two men she likes. One man is equally as into her as she is into him. And the other man is way more into her than she is into him. Who would most women choose?


I do think that most women want a man that they can respect. Why would you want a doormat puppy dog when you could have a real man who knows how to keep the relationship exciting? A man who challenges you, knows how to handle you, a man who playfully brings out the best in you. A real partner, in other words.

Someone who loved me more than I loved him--boorrring! Not worth having. Not a worthy father to my children. Not an attractive sexual partner. No thank you!


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## Thundarr

skype said:


> I do think that most women want a man that they can respect. Why would you want a doormat puppy dog when you could have a real man who knows how to keep the relationship exciting? A man who challenges you, knows how to handle you, a man who playfully brings out the best in you. A real partner, in other words.
> 
> Someone who loved me more than I loved him--boorrring! Not worth having. Not a worthy father to my children. Not an attractive sexual partner. No thank you!


That's the point I was thinking but didn't articulate well about need versus love. When a partner thinks they cannot live without the other that doesn't necessary mean love. It might mean insecurity, fear, and emotionally dependent (big negative check marks). When a partner makes it abundantly clear that they are happier because of you and a better person because of you and want the best for you but that they will be a happy and good person whether things work out or not and that there are indeed show stopping boundaries then that's a person someone will be more proud to be with IMO.


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## Married but Happy

In my post-separation dating days, it rarely worked to pursue women, or even make initial contact. I certainly made an effort, but it was largely wasted. When I stopped and let them make contact and suggest initial meetings and second dates, I had tons of interest - all of my best meets, dates, and relationships followed. I only had to pursue and make an effort to keep the relationship progressing if major obstacles arose. I didn't take a passive role, though - they were very much relationships of equals

Many women know what they want, and aren't reticent about going for it. Those women seem to be the best match for me.


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## SimplyAmorous

> Originally Posted by* Moops *
> If women had the choice between two men she likes.* One man is equally as into her as she is into him. And the other man is way more into her than she is into him. Who would most women choose?*


For the record, I would choose Equally too, of course !!...don't read too much into some of us preferring a man pursue... this doesn't mean "settling" is OK.. or should ever be...

A women needs to *respect* her man..to also fall for him, want to give... showing this deeply, affectionately, his feeling her want & desire for him.. My goodness yes!

"*Settling*"...I always speak against it here....it hurts both parties involved - leaves a vulnerable unsatisfied breach that slowly erodes at the faulty foundation .....Some marry for money, then find this doesn't fulfill the other emotional needs one tried to overlook.....some marry a nice guy / the family man type but grow bored, yearning for more excitement..

Then some are like me.. I really wanted the Family man (we had 6 kids!)....this IS excitement enough for me...this was my dream....I haven't grown bored...it's been an adventure, one filled with beautiful memories shared raising them... I'm ever thankful he was by my side through this journey..



Moops said:


> I guess it does bother me a little bit. But at the same time alot of relationships are happy and succesful, alot of men are probably very happy in their relationships even if their wives don't love or care about them as much as they do about them. So maybe its not a big deal in reality?
> 
> I do understand that women want to be pursued and that its probably in human nature that men are pursuers and women want to be pursued.
> 
> *I think maybe all of this, women want to be pursued, women want to be loved more and so on might be because of instinct or biology or whatever you want to call it because women are the ones who give birth and therefore needs a man who is 100% invested and unlikely to stray.
> 
> So therefore it might be better as a whole for the success of the relationship if the man cares and loves a little bit more.*


What you say here reminds me of the heart of JLD's thread.. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-term-success-marriage/151721-husband-key-ltr-success.html ... she said this in her opening post "I am convinced our marriage has had the success it has had because of dh's love and commitment to me. I have been emotional and wavering at times, but he is always steady. He is the rock our marriage is built on."

I just want to say something about this..there is always some dynamics involved with every couple/ every beginning... Looking back.. ..I probably had some abandonment issues....my mother ran off with an alcoholic to another state...being an only child it was lonely.... she was a dysfunctional mess (probably better she was gone even).....my step Mother wanted my dad to herself.. I didn't feel wanted at home..

I met my H when I was 15....Step Mom was very hard on me. one slip up, grounded a month to my room...I tried to run away once.. he couldn't believe it taking me home on my 18th B-day, she had my bedroom on the porch, I was on my own.. My husband being in my life was like a buffer in my teen years...he brightened my days...and gave me hope.

The way we met, where we both came from (our story below)... I just believe we were meant to be.....it's like everything I experienced helped groom me for someone like him..... so when goodness walked into my life.. I wasn't going to take advantage of it...I treasured it..


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## Jellybeans

SimplyAmorous said:


> "*Settling*"...I always speak against it here....it hurts both parties involved - leaves a vulnerable unsatisfied breach that slowly erodes at the faulty foundation .....Some marry for money, then find this doesn't fulfill the other emotional needs one tried to overlook.....some marry a nice guy / the family man type but grow bored, yearning for more excitement.


:iagree:


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## naiveonedave

I finally read the whole thread. When I look back at history, I am actually shocked by the number of women who pursued me. Prior to about 20, I didn't notice it well, but with hindsight it was clearly there. I was the big shy nerd type back then.

Lately, though not as blatant as some of the super men on this thread, I have been hit on way more than I thought. I just have good boundaries as to not get into trouble.....


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## southbound

Moops said:


> I think women have to feel that the man desires her more than she desires him to be content with the relationship.
> 
> Women want to feel that the man loves her a little bit more, desires her a little bit more, is into her a little bit more in general.
> 
> I'm not saying that women want it to be entirely a one way street. But I think they want the relationship dynamics to be a _little_ bit skewed in her favor. The one who loves/cares less generally has more "power" in the relationship.
> 
> It would be intresting to know why this is. Is it maybe biological? Is it maybe related to human nature and survival that the woman has to feel like the man loves her more than vice versa? Or is it social? Do women feel more secure if the man loves her more seeing as how women for the most part of history stayed at home?


You may have something here. Looking back, I think my x wife wanted me to love her a little more than she loved me; I guess I always though equal was good. You learn something everyday.


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## marriedandlonely

Do you mean to tell me that you have never had a woman leave you in no doubt that there was something on her mind
Well I suppose that you could say was giving you the cue to PERSUE her:smthumbup:


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## hookares

marriedandlonely said:


> Do you mean to tell me that you have never had a woman leave you in no doubt that there was something on her mind
> Well I suppose that you could say was giving you the cue to PERSUE her:smthumbup:


I never had a woman pursue me before or during marriage.
I guess I might be like the gals in bars who start looking better
the closer it gets to closing time.
I guess my greatest attribute may be my ability to provide a roof over their heads.


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## Dogbert

What if men stopped pursuing women?

It would mean that they are playing X-Box with their $6K and up fanta flesh sex dolls at their side.


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## Marduk

When I take a look around at most of the married guys I know, it looks like men _have_ stopped pursuing women.


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## Dogbert

marduk said:


> When I take a look around at most of the married guys I know, it looks like men _have_ stopped pursuing women.


Quick make a study of it and make big bucks by going around the talk show circuit.


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## farsidejunky

Dogbert said:


> Quick make a study of it and make big bucks by going around the talk show circuit.


I bet there could be grant funding for it.


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## farsidejunky

marduk said:


> When I take a look around at most of the married guys I know, it looks like men _have_ stopped pursuing women.


I don't think this was received the same way you were sending it. 



But yeah, you are spot on.


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