# Advice needed



## Justaguywithaquestion (Jul 9, 2018)

Been with a woman for over a year now off and on. It’s been super rocky and twice she has went back to her ex. I stayed because I love her and hoped someday that would be enough. About a month ago things were going good and she had not talked to her ex for almost 2 months. We had talked and entered into a committed relationship. Finally I thought things were going to go right. She is super awesome and we have a lot in common. About a week ago the subject came up and she told me she was replying to his emails/texts, agin. She states she has to do this or it will never end with him and he would start coming by the house etc.. I told her continued communication would just feed the situation. 

I couldn’t take it and we broke up. I told her I could not go through that situation again. Even if nothing was going on the communication had started and that’s how it went the last 2 times. Each time this happens before it made me question my self worth and value, the last time to an extreme and I hit some depressed days for sure. 

She now thinks I over reacted and feels like I am taking away our relationship because of his actions. She says she can’t control what he does. That is true but I feel she can control not talking back to him. 

Did I over react? I am second guessing myself and I really like this woman a lot but the thought of having to go through that again seems unbearable. Seems hard to have perspective when one is inside the situation. 

Thoughts?


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Justaguywithaquestion said:


> Been with a woman for over a year now off and on. It’s been super rocky and twice she has went back to her ex. I stayed because I love her and hoped someday that would be enough. About a month ago things were going good and she had not talked to her ex for almost 2 months. We had talked and entered into a committed relationship. Finally I thought things were going to go right. She is super awesome and we have a lot in common. About a week ago the subject came up and she told me she was replying to his emails/texts, agin. She states she has to do this or it will never end with him and he would start coming by the house etc.. I told her continued communication would just feed the situation.
> 
> I couldn’t take it and we broke up. I told her I could not go through that situation again. Even if nothing was going on the communication had started and that’s how it went the last 2 times. Each time this happens before it made me question my self worth and value, the last time to an extreme and I hit some depressed days for sure.
> 
> ...


I don't think you overreacted at all. Unless they have kids together (assuming they don't since you didn't mention), I would definitely view their communication as problem - especially given that she's gone back to him twice.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

Justaguywithaquestion said:


> Been with a woman for over a year now off and on. It’s been super rocky and twice she has went back to her ex. I stayed because I love her and hoped someday that would be enough. About a month ago things were going good and she had not talked to her ex for almost 2 months. We had talked and entered into a committed relationship. Finally I thought things were going to go right. She is super awesome and we have a lot in common. About a week ago the subject came up and she told me she was replying to his emails/texts, agin. She states she has to do this or it will never end with him and he would start coming by the house etc.. I told her continued communication would just feed the situation.
> 
> I couldn’t take it and we broke up. I told her I could not go through that situation again. Even if nothing was going on the communication had started and that’s how it went the last 2 times. Each time this happens before it made me question my self worth and value, the last time to an extreme and I hit some depressed days for sure.
> 
> ...



She can certainly control what he does. If he were the only problem through his constant badgering of her for months, she could easily put a no contact restraining order against him. The truth is for whatever reason, she enjoys the attention and has no regard for your feelings. You did not over react. By waiting as long as you have to give her some serious pushback, you actually underreacted. Tell her to text him that he is no longer welcome to reach out to her and it if continues, she will contact the authorities. Watch her do it too. If she baulks at this and says you are overreacting, then tell the same thing to her and show her the door - permanently. 

Life is too short to put up with disrespectful crap like this, especially if you are only dating...


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

are kids involved ? if they have no kids then absolutely you did not over react and you took your self-worth back.


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

Dude!!!! Point her in one direction then turn around and RUN in the other direction.

If she truly loves you, she would not want, desire, or seek closure with this guy. In fact she would be straight fwd and tell him she is in a committed relationship, that she has moved on from him, and he should do the same. and if he continues to come around in any aggressive manor SHE would seek a protective order.... If nothing else to show she is 100% committed to a future with you and she is leaving the past in the past. But she isn't doing any of that, she is embracing his contact. 

Everyone over three understands the concept of "Don't feed the animals" because if you do they will come back for more. She understands this and that is why she is "feeding" this animal ego kibble.... she wantes him to keep coming back.....

So to repeat myself...

*Dude!!!! Point her in one direction then turn around and RUN in the other direction.*


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Why would you want to keep going with this relationship? Why force something that isn't there. 
Keep your self respect as a man and move on to a better more suitable partner that would be into you, and you only.


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## PaulB (Jun 26, 2018)

Problems within a year or so of being together. Issues with her going back to her ex in that time. 
Scrape her off and move on, man. Seriously, life is short. Find a healthy relationship to be in, or don't be in a relationship.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Why would you believe her narrative over her actions?

What do her actions tell you?

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Did I over react?


NO!!!


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## Steve2.0 (Dec 11, 2017)

Become a man that women don't want to risk loosing by texting their ex boyfriend.

Its crazy you even took her back the first time BUT everyone has to go through some loses in order to learn. Stop responding to her, change her name in your phone to "cheating ex" and go become that man.


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## Luminous (Jan 14, 2018)

You need to step outside the prison you have built for yourself to see the 'real' picture. 

Steve2.0 is spot on. Girls don't want to be with a nice guy, that's what their girlfriends are for. They, whether they realise it or not, respond to a man who has strength of character, draws a line in the sand and stands by it, and in doing so is willing to risk losing said girl, because his self respect should be of more importance.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Justaguywithaquestion said:


> *She says she can’t control what he does. *


That's a big problem. See, that's a "deliberately obtuse" response. That's a "deliberately not understanding what you said" response. You're not asking her to control what *he* does, you're asking her to control what *she* does. You understand that, and *she understands that*. 

Do not engage with someone who does this "la la la I can't understand what you're saying" thing. It's called mind-****ing. Get away from it.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*"Ultimatum time" ~ she needs to know that she needs to make a choice and now.

You don't deserve being victimized like that!*


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Not ultimatum time, in my humble opinion. It's get the **** down the road time. She's been back to him TWICE. She's STILL texting him. You broke up with her. Stick to it. There are millions of other women, and there are lots that will think you are the STUFF, and other men won't even blink on their radar. Texting another man? LOL 

YOU REALLY SHOULDN'T TOLERATE that b.s.

I have absolute metaphysical certitude that you need to ditch this girl and find a new one. She's a liar. She's a flake. And she's in love with someone other than you. That should be enough for you to say "Enough" and move on.


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