# Men.. Do you compliment your SO?



## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

Now my hubby is very supportive so its not a matter of him being callous etc, and usually will tell me how hot I make him or that I am beautiful etc.. espcially when we are "ahem" during foreplay or after. he is affectionate and considerate so I am not implying that he takes me for granted or anything.

I put alot of effort in how I dress, makeup, and hair especially when we have dates or are going to wedding, special occasion etc.... will buy new clothes and shoes and always take into account when I choose if I think he will like it as he is the one I want looking at me right? I always ask his option on my clothes and he usually tells me "that is nice" when I am deciding on outfits. He is also very strict about his hygene and appearance.

Here is my question....

I go through all this trouble to be really dolled up (usually sexy bra and panties underneath that "match" but has to wait to get a peek until later and he likes the suspense)

WHY O WHY does he never just say to me " You look beautiful" or something to the like when we go out. *He never says it until we are at home and "ahem" lol*
I compliment him, and have mentioned to him it hurts my feeling when I go through all that trouble and he says nothing until "bedtime" when my hair is already messed up and makeup ruined and clothes on floor. He says "I am sorry, I meant to but I forgot"

Last wedding we went to we were all dressed up and I spent so much time shopping and trying to look just perfect and as we were waiting for the elevator to go down to lobby at hotel we were staying in I told him how handsome he looked in his suit/new shirt & tie and he said "thanks"... Seriously...AHEM.....maybe a "you look good too"?

Guys.. What is he thinking? I try not to let it bother me but WTF???:scratchhead:


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## brokenbloke (Feb 21, 2012)

I don't know what he's thinking, nor, if you've discussed this with him, that he doesn't get it. I tell my wife she looks beautiful all the time.

I'm not certain for advice, but if this is a problem for you then the only thing I can suggest is some behavioural modification maybe? It seems as, since he only acknowledges your looks and effort to look nice when he wants some, that he's taking you for granted. Or, at the very least, he's complimenting for strictly self-serving reasons, and not at all for your sake. If so, stop getting dressed up for him. Stop making the the effort to look good. See how he reacts when you wear sweats alllll the time. Maybe withhold sex? All this should be done with open lines of communication so he at least knows why this is going on...

As it stands if you dont change anything you do he will not either since he can have his cake with very little effort...


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## Racer (Sep 24, 2009)

I found it’s a catch 22... I used to complement my wife all the time. The problem: She got so used to hearing it that it was easily dismissed as ‘just something you say to be nice’. She stopped believing I meant it.... (that led to other problems, but is a whole other story). She also wasn’t far off... I’d say those things because I believed she wanted me to compliment her regardless of whether I thought she looked particularly ‘hot’ that night or not.

Anyway... Now, I do it rarely. And she glows when I do. It makes it special and unique. I’ve also noticed she will try harder and fish for that complement. So, it almost becomes a fun little game... She’ll escalate the fishing instead of being resentful; Striking poses, doing that cute seduction thing, etc. I’ll play I’m not noticing, suggest the moomoo her aunt gave her (it’s hideous), etc.. It just becomes a quick fun moment between the two of us. I might even take on her role every now and then and pose in a wife beater for giggles....

She no longer takes the words for granted, and I don’t throw them out casually just to ‘be nice’. (Btw; I do this with ILY as well). Now when I say these things, she knows I really mean it. Otherwise, I don’t say things just because I know she wants to hear it. I say things because I feel they should be said and I feel it notable. I simply learned to express myself instead of just how to please. 

So, take control. Instead of whining away about how he doesn’t notice and becoming resentful... Go fishing. Have fun with it; tease and taunt. Make him notice.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

early in my marriage when I would compliment my wife she would always say something like your just saying that or this dress is alittle to big for me so all my compliments were kinda shot down.

then one day I got pi$$ed and said why the F can't you just say thanks and believe me. its not fun giving a compliment to someone who dosn't grecisiously accept them,or ever return compliments back.


my advice is accept compliments at face value


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

chillymorn said:


> early in my marriage when I would compliment my wife she would always say something like your just saying that or this dress is alittle to big for me so all my compliments were kinda shot down.
> 
> then one day I got pi$$ed and said why the F can't you just say thanks and believe me. its not fun giving a compliment to someone who dosn't grecisiously accept them,or ever return compliments back.
> 
> ...


I am always appreciative of his compliments (in more ways than just saying thank you) I do return them and do initiate them towards him.

He compliments me on other things (ie my intelligence etc..), just not my appearance hardly ever. He always says ILU and tells me I am beautiful, and gives me other compliments, but they are always in the context of talking about sex or during sex. Which makes it seem "cheap" (not sure how else to say that) or he will text me "hello beautiful..."

I guess he is just being honest and complimenting me when he is "feelin it" and my efforts to dress up don't necessary make him "feel it". I guess that hurts my feelings a bit but I guess its honest.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

reset button said:


> Guys.. What is he thinking?


Nothing. He is thinking nothing. A big fat nothing. But I am sure he can learn, he just needs (a lot of) gentle encouragement. Take pictures of yourself with your iphone (touch, pad) and ask him to look at them with you. Tell him you have a very sensitive self image and you need to hear something from him whenever ...

Don't test the guy because you already know his level. Try to put him in situations where he can't help but succeed


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

brokenbloke said:


> I don't know what he's thinking, nor, if you've discussed this with him, that he doesn't get it. I tell my wife she looks beautiful all the time.
> 
> I'm not certain for advice, but if this is a problem for you then the only thing I can suggest is some behavioural modification maybe? It seems as, since he only acknowledges your looks and effort to look nice when he wants some, that he's taking you for granted. Or, at the very least, he's complimenting for strictly self-serving reasons, and not at all for your sake. If so, stop getting dressed up for him. Stop making the the effort to look good. See how he reacts when you wear sweats alllll the time. Maybe withhold sex? All this should be done with open lines of communication so he at least knows why this is going on...
> 
> As it stands if you dont change anything you do he will not either since he can have his cake with very little effort...


Thanks... but, I do want honesty, and don't withold sex as a tool with or without communication.

I was hoping that I would hear "we sometimes are thinking WOW she looks great but don't always say it out loud" but it sounds so far the answer is more like " he's just not into you getting dolled up, ie... its doesn't make much differnece to him"

Which is kinda a bummer, but I guess I will just have to pull up my big girl pants and deal. he is not perfect and neither am I.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> Nothing. He is thinking nothing. A big fat nothing. But I am sure he can learn, he just needs (a lot of) gentle encouragement. Take pictures of yourself with your iphone (touch, pad) and ask him to look at them with you. Tell him you have a very sensitive self image and you need to hear something from him whenever ...
> 
> Don't test the guy because you already know his level. Try to put him in situations where he can't help but succeed


It is not that I have a very sensitive self image, as much as I would like a little acknowledgement for all the hard work I put into looking good for him. (mind you I am talking when we have a special occasion or planned night out without kids when I really go all out on looking extra special, not every day) 

I feel my appearance is a partial reflection of him, as I am his wife. At times he doesn't compliment me, others will (even in front of him, and no its doesn't phase him at all even if they are male) and that is nice, but, I would prefer to hear it from him, his opinion does matter to me.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

Racer said:


> I found it’s a catch 22... I used to complement my wife all the time. The problem: She got so used to hearing it that it was easily dismissed as ‘just something you say to be nice’. She stopped believing I meant it.... (that led to other problems, but is a whole other story). She also wasn’t far off... I’d say those things because I believed she wanted me to compliment her regardless of whether I thought she looked particularly ‘hot’ that night or not.
> 
> Anyway... Now, I do it rarely. And she glows when I do. It makes it special and unique. I’ve also noticed she will try harder and fish for that complement. So, it almost becomes a fun little game... She’ll escalate the fishing instead of being resentful; Striking poses, doing that cute seduction thing, etc. I’ll play I’m not noticing, suggest the moomoo her aunt gave her (it’s hideous), etc.. It just becomes a quick fun moment between the two of us. I might even take on her role every now and then and pose in a wife beater for giggles....
> 
> ...


This is not a new thing so it was not as if he has got sick of me dismissing him. It just starting to really bother me the last couple of years or so. 

I have actaully complimented him and he says "thanks" and smiles and doesn't offer a compliment back.* I threw that fishing line WAY OUT and he totally missed it*. I am not going to downright tell him "compliment me now!" that defeats the whole purpose of a compliment, that is then an opinion.


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## Mistys dad (Dec 2, 2011)

When you are asked a question that has no right answer, you learn to observe quietly.

Many women have an ingrained, and false, sense of inferiority. May sound harsh, but it's true. While prepping for a night out the self denegration about weight, hair, clothes, shoes, make-up, perfume. etc is usually pretty thick.

So complimenting isn't bad as long as:

It is the right compliment,
on the right day,
at the right time,
delivered in the right way,
in front of the right people,
about the right thing she wants,
while having the right tone of voice,
with the right thoughts in your head.

And those things are all random.

It is stunning to me how many women I know reply to a compliment with a sarcastic responce. 

Cause and effect.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

Mistys dad said:


> When you are asked a question that has no right answer, you learn to observe quietly.
> 
> Many women have an ingrained, and false, sense of inferiority. May sound harsh, but it's true. While prepping for a night out the self denegration about weight, hair, clothes, shoes, make-up, perfume. etc is usually pretty thick.
> 
> ...


Not sure how this pertains to me? 

I am not complaining about compliments I do get (nor do I dismiss them or fail to return them), just wondering why he wouldn't compliment me when (I am assuming) I am looking my best. (or at least making an effort to look my best)

I always compliment him when he is looking his best and/or obviously making an effort. I guess he doesn't see my effort. Everyone likes to have their efforts acknowledged. It just make me want to throw on a pair of jeans.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I tell my wife she's beautiful every day. Now I tell her that in different ways at different times.

During the middle of the day: "Hello beautiful" - in a pleasant but calm way

When I'm deeply impassioned: "Oh, you are so beautiful" - with a lot of soul and meaning.

When she walks out in something that makes me take notice: "..... " because my mouth opens a bit, and my eyes tell her everything.

She knows it too, she comments at times like that just how telling my eyes are.

So to answer your question I compliment her often, but when she looks her best, I don't say a thing... and that's the greatest compliment of all.


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## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

reset button said:


> It is not that I have a very sensitive self image, as much as I would like a little acknowledgement for all the hard work I put into looking good for him. (mind you I am talking when we have a special occasion or planned night out without kids when I really go all out on looking extra special, not every day)
> 
> I feel my appearance is a partial reflection of him, as I am his wife. At times he doesn't compliment me, others will (even in front of him, and no its doesn't phase him at all even if they are male) and that is nice, but, I would prefer to hear it from him, his opinion does matter to me.


I apologize, I honestly didn't mean to say you are very sensitive, I was just suggesting that you tell him that and maybe some hidden empathy might engage. Maybe he thinks to himself "I don't need anyone to compliment me" so he doesn't understand that you may want to hear this. I think you have every reason to want him to compliment you, out of common courtesy if nothing else, but he seems a little dense in this area


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> I tell my wife she's beautiful every day. Now I tell her that in different ways at different times.
> 
> During the middle of the day: "Hello beautiful" - in a pleasant but calm way
> 
> ...


Thanks.. I will have to take notice of his reaction when he first sees me "ready to go" out for the night/occasion rather than notices if he says anything. 
I Appreciate the different perspective. 
Like I said he does tell me I am beautiful, but it doesn't seem to be at the "obvious" times that I am actually looking my "most beautiful". I am not complaining about it or discrediting him saying it, just trying to understand the "why" he would stop compliments at times when most people are giving them.lol


So thanks again.


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> I apologize, I honestly didn't mean to say you are very sensitive, I was just suggesting that you tell him that and maybe some hidden empathy might engage. Maybe he thinks to himself "I don't need anyone to compliment me" so he doesn't understand that you may want to hear this. I think you have every reason to want him to compliment you, out of common courtesy if nothing else, *but he seems a little dense in this area*


LOL.. ya think.:lol:
That is really hitting the nail on head. He is so sentive to my feelings in every other way except for this, that is why I think it kind of stands out like a "sore thumb" so to speak.

BTW>> he LOVES compliments, but thats OK, hes a hottie an I like telling him and showing him (he also gets many compliments (respectful and appropriate) from others even when I am with him and he likes it) really... who wouldn't

I think he kind of has taken the "she knows I think she is beautiful" stance and leaves it at that. Which is fine I guess, not a big deal by any means, but still disappointing sometimes. Just curious of differnet perspectives


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## anotherguy (Dec 14, 2011)

May I be annoying and irritating? 

Your need for compliments sucks all the fun out of it.



You should try the direct approach and tell him:

"Honey.. I love it when you tell me how gorgeous I am... and not only when you are ready to hit the sheets. Dont you love my bum in this garter belt and these stockings?"

Guys are notoriously good at grasping the direct approach and do not quickly forget once you hit them with it. Of course.. having to ASK for it sort of ruins the entire thing, doesnt it?

I guess you are in quite a pickle, and so is he.. since he is currently having to play 'mindreader' and failing. This happens alot.


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## SA's husband (Apr 9, 2012)

I compliment my wife in and out of the bedroom. She has many good qualities. I hate to sound like a broken record telling her how beautiful she is. Sometimes I don't think I tell her enough how much she means to me. She certainly tells me enough. She lights up when I touch her and loves my words.


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## YinPrincess (Jul 31, 2011)

Without reading the responses, here are a few of my thoughts - 

1.) He does compliment you - just not when you would prefer him to. If your hair is messed up, your make up ruined, etc. When he DOES say something - all the better in my book! 

2.) Dress up for yourself. Do what makes YOU feel beautiful about YOU! I know validation from a spouse is important, but don't forget to validate yourself as well!

3.) Just because he does not compliment you does not mean he doesn't think you're beautiful! He notices, and he finds you attractive, but just doesn't say so... In fact, he may even take for granted the fact that you do spend so much time trying to maintain your appearance. It's a lot of work, (we women know that, but men probably don't).

I go through this with my hubby. He is very reserved, and the only compliments I get are the ones I fish for. I've come to accept the fact that he is just not a very verbal person, so I look to other signs that I am attractive to him. Some days all I can come up with is that we are married and still have a sex life lol - other days he may notice something I wear is "nice", or I might even "look good" in it (I joke that I want to hear that *I* look nice, not the clothing, and we laugh - I know what he means) 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

reset button said:


> I put alot of effort in how I dress, makeup, and hair especially when we have dates or are going to wedding, special occasion etc.... will buy new clothes and shoes and always take into account when I choose if I think he will like it as he is the one I want looking at me right? I always ask his option on my clothes and he usually tells me "that is nice" when I am deciding on outfits. He is also very strict about his hygene and appearance.
> 
> Here is my question....
> 
> ...


Since you mentioned makeup...most guys really dislike it. They like natural or so little that it's barely noticeable. I've noticed that some women just go a bit overboard with it when they get "dolled up." My personal opinion of course. Not saying that you do, but it could explain his hesitation. He might think you are more beautiful without it. 

I know that when my wife gets dolled up, it's like she's wearing a different face to go with the the outfit. It's off-putting. I prefer natural. The outfit and accessories could be really good but the makeup detracts.

Have you asked him specifically how he likes your makeup?


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

honey you didn't wreck a car this week. good job.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Since you mentioned makeup...most guys really dislike it. They like natural or so little that it's barely noticeable. I've noticed that some women just go a bit overboard with it when they get "dolled up." My personal opinion of course. Not saying that you do, but it could explain his hesitation. He might think you are more beautiful without it.
> 
> I know that when my wife gets dolled up, it's like she's wearing a different face to go with the the outfit. It's off-putting. I prefer natural. The outfit and accessories could be really good but the makeup detracts.
> 
> Have you asked him specifically how he likes your makeup?



I object vociferously!!! If most guys don't like make up then I must be living on another planet. 

I love good make up. I love party make up and bedroom eyes. Dark eyeliner ample eye shadow good lipstick. I am in awe of the effort women put into looking so good. 

Hat tip / 
to all you ladies. ignore that man behind the curtain and continue!


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## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I know my hub is more likely to compliment me when I am not dolled up...and like you after I look a mess, he thinks that's when I am beautiful. He even told me once he loves the way I look in the morning hair totally screwed up no makeup etc... I think you should take the compliments he is giving you. Especially since it seems they are after sex, many men are more emotional after the release, and it seems to me based on your description he is comlimenting you afterwards, and after you look a mess. Lol you should take that as the upmost beauty. Any woman can try to make themselves look pretty with makeup and nice clothes, but naked beauty is best, and being complimented on that is the most sincere.....and you jut made me realize something about my on husband. Thanks for our post.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

VermisciousKnid said:


> Since you mentioned makeup...most guys really dislike it. They like natural or so little that it's barely noticeable. I've noticed that some women just go a bit overboard with it when they get "dolled up." My personal opinion of course. Not saying that you do, but it could explain his hesitation. He might think you are more beautiful without it.
> 
> I know that when my wife gets dolled up, it's like she's wearing a different face to go with the the outfit. It's off-putting. I prefer natural. The outfit and accessories could be really good but the makeup detracts.
> 
> Have you asked him specifically how he likes your makeup?


I do not wear makup daily because my skin is sensitive. when I do wear makeup on special occasions I wear very little (cover up, powder, lip gloss, and natural color eye shadow)

I can see your point, no he would not like alot of makeup because he comments about actresses 'she would be pretty if she wouldn't wear so much makeup" but these are women wearing red lipstick and thick eye liner etc...


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## reset button (Mar 14, 2012)

Thanks for all your posts... I appreciate them and it has helped me to better appreciate his "style" of complimenting. lol:smthumbup:

Thanks again


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

reset button said:


> I can see your point, no he would not like alot of makeup because he comments about actresses 'she would be pretty if she wouldn't wear so much makeup" but these are women wearing red lipstick and thick eye liner etc...


I think some women can get really carried away with the make up, I remember this one girl we graduated with, they started calling her some sort of name, can't remember exactly... Plastic face maybe, it wasn't nice..... she really CAKED that mascara & eye liner on.... it was overkill ...it hid her nutural beauty for sure.. ...If I would have seen her out & about back then...without make up, I bet I wouldn't have even recognized her.. that is just too much.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Stonewall said:


> I object vociferously!!! If most guys don't like make up then I must be living on another planet.
> 
> I love good make up. I love party make up and bedroom eyes. Dark eyeliner ample eye shadow good lipstick. I am in awe of the effort women put into looking so good.
> 
> ...


Obviously, it's a matter of degrees. I notice you said "good makeup" and then listed eyeliner, eye shadow, and lipstick. But what's happening on the skin of the face? I think we expect to see contrasting shades on the eyes and lips, but the makeup on the face has to look really natural in my opinion. I'm not opposed to any of it, I just think it's easy to go too far. Personally, I like my wife's freckles, and if she covered them up it wouldn't look right to me.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I think some women can get really carried away with the make up, I remember this one girl we graduated with, they started calling her some sort of name, can't remember exactly... Plastic face maybe, it wasn't nice..... she really CAKED that mascara & eye liner on.... it was overkill ...it hid her nutural beauty for sure.. ...If I would have seen her out & about back then...without make up, I bet I wouldn't have even recognized her.. that is just too much.


Some men (me for example), don't really like that much makeup at all on women. I think makeup can enhance or act as a change up from the norm.

I honestly believe there are few women who aren't just naturally beautiful (in their own way) with no or little makeup. I'd rather see that beauty than an artificial one.


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## Goldmember357 (Jan 31, 2012)

yes i do


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