# Sex with my husband sucks. Please help.



## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

My husband and I have been averaging sex once every 3-4 months for the last year. He has a weird fetish that I am not into. His personal hygiene also sucked big time until I emailed him a couple of weeks ago about how he smelled bad, and since then he's been brushing his teeth daily and showering almost daily. Last night he said I changed what you asked me to change (hygiene), now it's up to you if our relationship succeeds or not. Wtf? A relationship is a two way street. Just cause you showered does not mean that I want to have sex with you! It takes more than that! I do have a sex drive, it just seems like he doesn't turn me on. Too many years of bad sex, to little sex, crappy foreplay, getting turned down when I initiate sex, me having to initiate all the time, his refusal to touch me or kiss me during sex (he says he doesn't like kissing like I do, and touching me is physically uncomfortable like his arm is in the wrong position or whatever to touch me.) I masturbate regularly, maybe 3 times a week, to preserve my own sanity. He has complained at one time or another about me doing all the things i like to do in bed: talking dirty, me touching my own clit during sex makes him feel inadequate he says. Well if he's not going to touch it, I have to do it, which I have no problem doing, but then to say that me touching it makes him feel inadequate sucks because without clitoral stimulation during sex, I'm just not going to get off, and then sex really sucks that much more! I don't have any desire to touch him, sexually or otherwise. I got drunk last night to try and make it happen, but I still couldn't get into it. I climbed off of him and said I'm just not going to get off. He's pissed this morning cause I gave up last night. Sorry for the rant, but does anyone have any input or advice? Is there some kind of pill I could take to make me so horn I can't keep my hands off of him? Maybe get drunk on hard alcohol instead of beer tonight? I have to have sex with him or our relationship will be over, and financially I cannot make it on my own because I am a stay at home mom to a 2year old with special needs who needs 24/7 care. So how to I get sexually attracted to a man who I am not sexually attracted to anymore?
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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

Crickets chirping*
Am I sol???
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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

A lot of issues here.

His fixing his hygiene is wonderful news. Still he can't possibly think that everything else is on you. I agree with you that a relationship (and sex) is a two way street.

You clearly have a lot of built up resentment. You need to find a way to release it. Either through therapy (IC), talking to a good/close friend/relative, or perhaps write out all the things that are bothering you. I find writing to be very therapeutic, but perhaps that's just me... still give it a try, it can't hurt. Just be sure to keep it private or burn it if you don't want your husband to know what's in your heart.

Have you had a frank talk with him about what you want/need out of sex in the bed? Have you listened to his needs?

You clearly don't desire your husband and there's no real magic formula for that. You're resentment and past hurt are likely the major problems... unless there are other things he still does that gets in the way of you enjoying him (things in or out of the bedroom).

Long story short, I really suspect that IC may be the best solution.


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

We discussed it lat night. I tried to explain that I need clitoral stimulation, like most women. He again said that makes him feel inadequate. I tried to explain the biology of **** entering vagina, clit is located further up, blah blah blah. I will give him credit that after our convo last night, he did touch my clit during sex, but I still wasn't turned on by him. He said he'd like me to touch him more, ok, I can do that. But I just don't feel the desire. I do have a lot of past resentment from all the years of awful sex, one sided sex, etc. I talk to my best friend a lot about it, and write a journal too. I have been very careful to keep it password protected, but maybe I should just let him read it? I don't have medical insurance for ic right now.
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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

Email to husband:

I wont have sex with you because you don't wear clean underwear or shower and brush your teeth regularly. This makes me very turned off. I have noticed a smell and others have as well. I feel that you having poor hygiene reflects poorly on me as your wife. I don't like having sex that much because I feel uncomfortable with how long its been since we did it. Its strange to have sex with someone youre so out of touch with. Im also uncomfortable with my weight and my post pregnancy body, you don't like me to touch my clit, and you expect me to be sloppy wet and turned on instantly like I'm still a horny teenager. I'm grumpy a lot because I feel like you complain about a lot of things. We don't have anything in common to talk about.

That's everything I can think of. I didn't have the guts to say out loud. In fact, I'm scared to press send.

Journal entries:
New thoughts from a new day.
I'm not pleased with the quality of our sex. It is hard for me to get off when you lie there giving no indication that you are enjoying yourself. We discussed this before and you said to listen to your breathing while giving you a bj. I can do this, and I have, but listening to you breathe is not a turn on for me.

*Also, the fact that you are so hesitant to reciprocate oral sex makes me feel like you find me and my ***** undesirable or too gross to put your mouth to.

80% of women need direct and consistent clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. You might remember the article about that I sent to you a while ago. You told me that you don't like when I play with my clit during sex because it makes you feel inadequate. You do not provide the stimulation that I need to get off, so I do it myself, which I don't feel is a big deal. However, since you do, I tried to respect your wishes and stopped touching it, and as a result I stopped getting off during sex. This really killed my sex drive, because why bother doing it with someone who lies there like he's sleeping, and I can't get off anyway.

Passionate kissing is a huge turn on for me. We do not kiss ever, and definitely not during sex, so it makes it a lot harder for me to get aroused. I find your oral hygiene deplorable, but even when you have brushed, you don't want to kiss. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

I don't care if you wear diapers, but you cannot reasonably expect me to get turned on about them. You made a big mistake when you admitted that what you're thinking about when you're having sex with me is your diapers. No woman wants to hear that she is not what you're fantasizing about in the midst of sex.

You took a shower last Friday morning for work. You put on clean underwear. 36 hours later, without a shower or clean underwear, I thought we were going to have sex for the first time in months. You wanted it, I wanted it, and (our son) was not in our bed. You got up to pee, and I noticed a poop smear on the back of your underwear. I was so grossed out I rolled over and went to sleep. The following day you wore the same poopy underwear to (childs) birthday party, with my mom friends. You wore the poopy underwear to bed Sunday night, still with no shower. You smelled bad, and spraying yourself with cologne is not equal to showering. 72 hours after you put on your underwear, you showered and changed them. This is not acceptable and is not up to personal hygiene standards. Wearing dirty underwear can result in yeast infections, bacterial infections, urinary tract infections, e coli, staph infections, c diff infections, and threadworms. Not to mention no woman in her right mind would be caught dead getting intimate in this situation.

Sex needs to be satisfying for both people. Sex with you has not been satisfying or exciting or fulfilling in so long, that my sex drive has completely turned off. I don't even feel comfortable undressing in front of you anymore because you are so hands off, it makes me feel like you are repulsed by me and my body.*

Do you think that the reason you will wear dirty underwear is somehow related to your desire to wear dirty diapers? Or is it plain laziness? Do you think people cant smell you or dont notice? Are you passive aggressively punishing me for gaining weight? For giving birth to a child with a disability? For having less time to focus on you because I'm a special needs caregiver 24/7?*

You come home and complain. You don't like food from the help center, you dont like the dinner i made but you refuse to make your own meal plan, i didnt buy the right lunch foods, you dont like the cereal choices, the sand in the bed, the mess in the garage, the dishes in the sink, and on and on. I'm always walking on eggshells. I just can't seem to get anything right. I shut down and stop talking and interacting with you when you ***** about everything. Then you're mad that I'm not talking. It's a catch 22.

Friday, 4/20
I guess I should have been more specific when I said the reason I won't have sex with you is because you don't shower, etc. I should have added that simply showering, brushing your teeth, and wearing clean underwear will not lead to having sex unless you can stop being mean as well. I was saying bye to (our son) this morning when you decided to back your truck up towards us to show me how much of a hurry you were in to leave. That was at 7:58... You leave at 8. Since its obviously stressful to you to have to take (our son) in the mornings, I will start doing it myself on Monday. This way you can leave when you want, get to work when you want, and don't have the added stress of helping with (our son) first thing in the morning. Glaring at me all morning and then backing a truck towards me is not my ideal way to start the day. Just waiting for my Xanax and extra buspar to kick in now. Really not looking forward to spending the weekend with you at home. I can only hope you are nicer this weekend!

I think I need to do the sex test. I will have sex with you this weekend to see if we still have that intimate connection or not. I will have an open mind, diapers will be allowed if you want them. Anything goes, which means I will play with my clit as I see fit. If, even with an open mind, diapers, and clitoral stimulation, I do not feel an emotional connection, I will know that our relationship has changed. Maybe we can agree to live a sexless marriage for (our sons) sake, maybe we can't. We will see.
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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

So I did the sex test last night. I diapered up my 36 year old husband like any good mommy would do (insert eye roll here), climbed on top of him, and felt....nothing. I climbed off and went to sleep and now he's really really mad.
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## livnlearn (Mar 5, 2012)

the argument I just had with my husband about his messiness seems really unwarranted and silly right now.:lol:


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## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

> We discussed it lat night. I tried to explain that I need clitoral stimulation, like most women. He again said that makes him feel inadequate.


Well, I've got some bad news for him then....he is inadequate if he can't get past his ego and insecurities to allow you to do what you NEED to do to have an orgasm.

My god, I don't see an issue myself. I LOVE to watch a woman do that. I often take her hand and put it down there myself if she needs a little prompting. My W was a little shy about it at first, but quickly got over it when she saw it wasn't an issue for me and in fact was a turn on. That turned her on even more.

Maybe try another calm talk with him. He does not seem to really know how a woman's body works. Explain the stimulation required. Maybe tell him it's also a turn on to touch yourself in front of him, but if it bothers him, he's going to have to learn how to do it. The pressure you like, the speed you like, when to speed up or slow down, etc.

As for the issues of cleanliness. OMG, what IS he THINKING? I mean, we've all had lazy weekends where we roll out of bed, throw on sweats, and waste the day on the couch without a shower. I could never attempt to initiate sex in such a state, and, as has happened before, when I get the "puppy dog eyes" and "I'm horny" thing from her, I'm always "okay, hold that thought, I need a shower first!".

Nobody (at least not in their right mind) wants to make love with someone who smells like and has the hygene of a farm animal. 

And the diaper thing? Uhm, well, I know there are some people that get off on that, but they would not be in my life. That really crosses a line from "exciting erotic fantasy" to sick behavior. JMO. If that's what he wants, he should find someone with like interests. That is repulsive to many people, and he can't expect you to be okay with it. If you are, fine, but you clearly seem to not be.

Edited to add, on the whole clit stimulation thing...a guy can learn it by having a parter who will tell him how she wants to be touched, but it really shortens the learning curve of with a particular female if she is confident enough to do so by herself and you just watch and pay attention! My wife once said "wow, you can get me off like that just as fast as I can do myself when I'm alone". My respnonse was that "I watched, learned, and paid attention!" I also have zero issue with a vibrator finding its way into bed with us (I like that too). She claims the resulting sex is head and shoulders above any she's ever had. Judging by her consistently very high sex drive now (was not as high as we learned each other) and near constant craving for it and things we do, I tend to believe that.


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## jennifer1986 (Feb 4, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> Email to husband:
> 
> I noticed a poop smear on the back of your underwear. I was so grossed out I rolled over and went to sleep.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


OMG. OMG. OMG. 

I had in past told my H if he wants to do oral around his back door, he needs to clean it very well. 

Now I don't think I can handle the thought anymore...:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

donny64 said:


> Well, I've got some bad news for him then....he is inadequate if he can't get past his ego and insecurities to allow you to do what you NEED to do to have an orgasm.
> 
> My god, I don't see an issue myself. I LOVE to watch a woman do that. I often take her hand and put it down there myself if she needs a little prompting. My W was a little shy about it at first, but quickly got over it when she saw it wasn't an issue for me and in fact was a turn on. That turned her on even more.
> 
> Maybe try another calm talk with him. He does not seem to really know how a woman's body works. Explain the stimulation required. Maybe tell him it's also a turn on to touch yourself in front of him, but if it bothers him, he's going to have to learn how to do it. The pressure you like, the speed you like, when to speed up or slow down, etc.


 I like to think that I'm pretty open and fun in bed. I'm into trying new things, even kinky stuff, I like to fantasize about all sorts of stuff, I love to watch a guy touch himself, watching other people, same room sex, whatever. I'm not usually shy in bed, except recently with hubby. I just keep thinking that he's repulsed by me, that's why he doesn't want to touch me. I don't really want to touch him either anymore, so I guess I don't have a right to complain. I went too long with his 20 second attempts at foreplay (if that)... I'm not even making any sense. I can't even think straight I'm so annoyed. I crave physical intimacy so much. What I wouldn't do for soft touches, caresses, kisses...I don't feel like doing that stuff to him anymore so I guess I can't get mad he doesn't do it to me. I guess I'm also a little jealous of all the guys on here...I just read another post where a guy wrote he'd eat his wife forever if that's what it took, and use a jackhammer if he needed to. :-(
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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

I really try not to be judgmental but his fetish is especially odd, and very possibly unhealthy (mentally). Still perhaps you can ask that it be a 1x/year thing rather than anything common.

While I'm sure you compliment him on the fact that he has been more hygienic. I don't think it's too much for you to demand that he shower, brush, use mouth rinse (for a full 1-2 minutes with serious gurgling), and put on fresh clean clothes before he comes to you for sex.

Sorry I've forgotten are you a housewife or do you also have a full/part time job?

As for household chores how often does he pitch in? Does he have this mistaken notion that housework is "woman's work"?

How much does he help fix/improve the house on the weekends? We tend to spend most Saturday's doing that at our house. Typically we spend 4-6 hours on Saturday improving things in and out of the home.

As for his sexual performance, what reason does he give other than he doesn't like it when you touch your clitoris during intercourse?

Sounds like he's like a rag doll during sex. Perhaps a change of positions during sex would help? For instance Missionary would at least require that he gets off his duff. Perhaps if he went from behind you could touch yourself w/o his really noticing as much, maybe that could be a practical compromise?

From everything you've said though, about your feelings about your body and the relationship as a whole. I wonder if you should consider a modified 180. That is not a 180 where you are looking to leave him, but just one where you give yourself more space and time to mentally heal. Time to work on your own body and self confidence. (The Healing Heart: The 180)

Oh and here's a ((hug)). You deserve one.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> What I wouldn't do for soft touches, caresses, kisses...I don't feel like doing that stuff to him anymore so I guess I can't get mad he doesn't do it to me. I guess I'm also a little jealous of all the guys on here...I just read another post where a guy wrote he'd eat his wife forever if that's what it took, and use a jackhammer if he needed to. :-(
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I feel that way about the women on here sometimes. When I read books on how things are "supposed" to be, it breaks my heart sometimes. I know how much of a heavy heart that sort of disappointment creates.

I try not to focus on it for long, because I find it only makes my heart ache and my mind go places that aren't constructive. It's not easy though... I know..


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

donny64 said:


> And the diaper thing? Uhm, well, I know there are some people that get off on that, but they would not be in my life. That really crosses a line from "exciting erotic fantasy" to sick behavior. JMO. If that's what he wants, he should find someone with like interests. That is repulsive to many people, and he can't expect you to be okay with it. If you are, fine, but you clearly seem to not be.


I'm ok with what he does in his free time. I honestly don't care if he wears a diaper under his pants, as long as he's not wanting me to change him, apply desitin, or have sex with him. He especially likes to wear diapers and drink a ton of liquids, so hell have to pee a lot and fill up the diaper so its squishy wet and warm. My son has special needs, and is not potty trained. Based on my last attempt to potty train him, it may be many years before he has the cognitive ability to use the toilet. So I associate diapers with my son, and I just get mad that my husband can use the toilet and doesn't want to. Kids like my son want to but aren't able to! Old people don't want to use depends either! So wallow in your own piss all you want, but don't expect me to take off your pissy diaper and then initiate sex. I just can't do it. It's like having sex with a baby. Or a mentally handicapped adult.
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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> I really try not to be judgmental but his fetish is especially odd, and very possibly unhealthy (mentally). Still perhaps you can ask that it be a 1x/year thing rather than anything common.
> 
> 
> While I'm sure you compliment him on the fact that he has been more hygienic. I don't think it's too much for you to demand that he shower, brush, use mouth rinse (for a full 1-2 minutes with serious gurgling), and put on fresh clean clothes before he comes to you for sex.
> ...


I've tried asking him to not bring the diapers into sex, and he says if he doesn't have them, he rarely gets horny.
I'm a stay at home mom because my son goes to a special needs preschool in the mornings, and can't behave appropriately for a regular preschool. He has autism, and his aggression and violent outbursts are sometimes bad. So, since I stay at home, the chores are 99% my responsibility. He does put our son to bed at night, because our son stays in his bed for my husband, but cries and screams when I try to put him to bed. So that's his one chore. He doesn't even pick up his empty cups or laundry. He doesn't usually do much on the weekends, just watches Netflix. The last two weekends though, he has built a sprinkler system for our yard, so he was busy both Saturday's and I think it helped quite a bit. Now if I could just keep him motivated to keep doing stuff! I offer to make him coffee in the morning to get him woken up and motivated, and he just glares at me and says no. As for his sexual performance, he will sometimes touch me for a few seconds, then stop, or say his arm is bent uncomfortably, or he just doesn't have a good angle to touch me. I pretty much have to be on top to get off, unless the sex is really good, so that's pretty much never. He almost always has to get off from behind me, laying on his side. (laziness? Less energy exerted? Idk.) so when we were still having sex, it pretty much always went like this, I climb on top and do my thing, I climb off and lay on my side and he does his thing. He doesn't like talking sexy in bed, so that's one of my major turn ons shut down. He doesn't like kissing, and will not initiate it, so thats shut down too. He doesn't make any noise in bed, so it appears hes not enjoying himself, so I just think about other stuff and finish up. He won't even do missionary for more than a minute or two, he always just goes back to getting it from behind, laying on his side. And thanks for the hug. I haven't had one in a year.

I will definitely check on the 180 you recommended, thank you.
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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

I have just ordered two books by the author of the 180 from amazon. Thanks again. 
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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Does he have asperger's? He sounds very much like he does, and autism runs in the family with asperger's. 
I'm not trying to get you to divorce your husband but if you have been staying home and need to stay home to take care of your child, depending on what state you're in, you might get alimony AND child support. 
I'm so sorry about the diaper fetish. You are an amazing person to do that. I really don't think that I could. 
I
Could be projecting but he sounds similar to my exh who I'm convinced has asperger's. He would do things like you're describing. He was mad and complaining all the time. Those two things are such a HUGE turn off. Someone glaring at you is petty. 
He sounds very passive aggressive and controlling. My ex was like that in bed too. He used sex to get control or punish me. Many times we'd start fooling around and he would get mad that I kissed him the wrong way, that I put my hand on the back of his head, that I lit incense before we laid down. 
He didn't have a fetish that I know of but he had hygiene problems and still does. Many
times because of his BO, stubble, dirty hair, etc I didn't even want to kiss him. 
It seems like your h wants to be the child and have you do everything. But then when you take care of your own needs he gets mad. It's crazy making behavior. 
I think the way he acts is childish (even without the diaper) and that is such a huge turn off. You want a real man, not a boy!
I don't know what to say but I applaud you for trying to make it work. 
My husband cross dresses and sometimes it's hard for me to accept do I know it's hard.
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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Does he have asperger's? He sounds very much like he does, and autism runs in the family with asperger's.
> I'm not trying to get you to divorce your husband but if you have been staying home and need to stay home to take care of your child, depending on what state you're in, you might get alimony AND child support.
> I'm so sorry about the diaper fetish. You are an amazing person to do that. I really don't think that I could.
> I
> ...


Thank you soooo much for your reply. It is comforting to know that I'm not alone. We're in California, not sure about the alimony thing. He is super passive aggressive. The man can't even decide what he wants for dinner, but when I choose, he ****ing complains! I am so done cooking for him. He's getting take out from Denny's tonight. I think he may have aspergers, at the very least he has traits of it. But so then what does that mean? How does that change anything? I try to simplify things, and explain exactly what I mean...like in my email I specifically said bad hygiene does not turn me on. Short, sweet, simple, no shades of gray...
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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

It almost seems to me that he has no desire to please you at all during sex. Sex for him is all about his fetish, his pleasure, his wants, him, him, him. I could be wrong, but that's the impression I get.

The fact that he claims to need his fetish to achieve sexual interest just seems like further proof that he doesn't have sexual desire for you.

IMO he doesn't have a right to complain about the state of the house if he doesn't help out. My wife is a housewife as well, but I help out all the time. I generally do little things here and there during the week, but the weekends I make a point to do something every week (unless something big comes up to stop it... like sickness, children have a bunch of activities I end up being a taxi, etc.). I don't think it's too much to ask that he do the same. 

I look at it this way: my wife has a full time job just like me. When I'm done with work for the day, if there's more to do and she's been working all day. Well it looks like we both have overtime on the home-job (as opposed to the office-job).

I'd ask him what he thinks his responsibilities as a husband are? I'd also be patient and let him answer it completely. If it's just work and tuck in kid, well then you two need to discuss in practical terms what more you want/need from him... what you two think is reasonable.

Edit: I wouldn't be surprised if he has some sort of condition on the aspy/autism scale.


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> It almost seems to me that he has no desire to please you at all during sex. Sex for him is all about his fetish, his pleasure, his wants, him, him, him. I could be wrong, but that's the impression I get.
> 
> The fact that he claims to need his fetish to achieve sexual interest just seems like further proof that he doesn't have sexual desire for you.
> 
> ...


You're right. It is always about him in bed. And now he has the nerve to say he wantsme to touch him more in bed!? Rubbing his **** through a wet diaper is, um, not sexy. I think it's really nice that you help your wife when you get home. My husband will usually help if I specifically ask him something, like I bagged up the trash, can you please take it out? Or would you mind drying off our son while I get his diaper and pajamas? But he does not ever ever initiate these little things. It's like he just doesn't think about them, or he knows that if he just ignores what needs to be done, then I will eventually do it. The only time he notices is when I haven't done my chores, or my kid trashes the house or whatever. And while I don't expect him to do the dishes, it really pisses me off to hear him tell our son, oh we can't wash your hands in the kitchen sink because it's so full of dishes. Um, my house is never so messy that you can't wash your freakin hands!!! We've gone over and over about responsibilities as a husband and father. When our son was an infant, he breasted every2- 3 hours, around the clock. I begged and pleaded for my husband to get up just once and give him a bottle so I could sleep for longer than 3 hours and he never once did it. I asked to be able to sleep in just one morning. Like can you get up with the baby. Never once happened. He's never given our son a bath, brushed his hair or teeth, cut his nails, etc. if I leave my son with my husband to run to the store or something, I'll come home to a dirty diaper, a crying kid, or a trashed house cause he was ignoring him.
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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

I wouldn't mind taking full responsibility for the chores if he'd just be nice ,or appreciative. Or at least not mean and complaining.
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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

It doesn't really change anything other than it can lead you to support for spouses, it can help explain why he does what he does. There might thumgs that you blame yourself for. Or you think
you can change to make things better. Like changing it to you driving your child so he doesn't get annoyed. Trust me, he'll just find something else to get mad about or he'll find a way to be mad at you for driving him. 
I gave up on trying to make my ex not be mad and I stopped walking on eggshells. It felt good but ultimately led to the demise of our marriage because he couldn't handle that I wasn't under his thumb anymore and I wasn't playing his emotional games.
One time we went to a sex toy place and we were both excited about it. We got some anal beads and he seemed eager to try them
on me. We got home, started fooling around and I got the bag out. He stopped and said in a mean voice "well what did we buy those for? Why did we only buy something just for you?" and he was really mad! It was like that on a daily basis. He sabotaged our relationship continually. 
And yes you can get alimony in California depending on how long you have been married.
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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

What and How Is Alimony Determined
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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> It doesn't really change anything other than it can lead you to support for spouses, it can help explain why he does what he does. There might thumgs that you blame yourself for. Or you think
> you can change to make things better. Like changing it to you driving your child so he doesn't get annoyed. Trust me, he'll just find something else to get mad about or he'll find a way to be mad at you for driving him.
> I gave up on trying to make my ex not be mad and I stopped walking on eggshells. It felt good but ultimately led to the demise of our marriage because he couldn't handle that I wasn't under his thumb anymore and I wasn't playing his emotional games.
> One time we went to a sex toy place and we were both excited about it. We got some anal beads and he seemed eager to try them
> ...


That totally sounds like my husband. It feels like walking on eggshells for sure. He says he's not into having sex with me because I'm always in a bad mood. And I don't want to have sex with him because he's such a picky jerk. So it's kind of a cycle that keeps repeating itself. It feels like no matter what I try to do, i just can't win. I just can't make him happy. We've been married since 8/08. Is that long enough for alimony do you know?

Eta:thanks for the link, checking it out now.
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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

He has a sexual fetish that you do not share with him. His ability to get off is tied to his fetish. Your inability to get sexually turned on is also tied to his fetish. Neither of you are getting your needs met. Realistically, how many stories do you hear about people getting over fetishes? Not many. It's probably here for good.

Personally, if my wife wanted me to support her sloshing around in some diaper, I'd be totally grossed out on so many levels. 

The real question is can you accept the fetish and the central part of your sex life? If not, then the answer is clear.


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

seeking sanity said:


> He has a sexual fetish that you do not share with him. His ability to get off is tied to his fetish. Your inability to get sexually turned on is also tied to his fetish. Neither of you are getting your needs met. Realistically, how many stories do you hear about people getting over fetishes? Not many. It's probably here for good.
> 
> Personally, if my wife wanted me to support her sloshing around in some diaper, I'd be totally grossed out on so many levels.
> 
> The real question is can you accept the fetish and the central part of your sex life? If not, then the answer is clear.


I don't want diapers as part of MY sex life. So is living a sexless marriage ever a viable option?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

drmmommy said:


> I don't want diapers as part of MY sex life. So is living a sexless marriage ever a viable option?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Not if you want a happy marriage it isn`t.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

drmmommy said:


> I'm ok with what he does in his free time. I honestly don't care if he wears a diaper under his pants, as long as he's not wanting me to change him, apply desitin, or have sex with him. He especially likes to wear diapers and drink a ton of liquids, so hell have to pee a lot and fill up the diaper so its squishy wet and warm. My son has special needs, and is not potty trained. Based on my last attempt to potty train him, it may be many years before he has the cognitive ability to use the toilet. So I associate diapers with my son, and I just get mad that my husband can use the toilet and doesn't want to. Kids like my son want to but aren't able to! Old people don't want to use depends either! So wallow in your own piss all you want, but don't expect me to take off your pissy diaper and then initiate sex. I just can't do it. It's like having sex with a baby. Or a mentally handicapped adult.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You say you don't care if he wears diapers under his pants, but then you go on to say that you won't have sex with him if he does that. The two statements do not compute. 

His fetish is no different than someone who needs to be tied up to get off, or have pain inflicted. Your options, as I see them, are:

1) He gets therapy to figure out where this is coming from, and you two try to work through it. He has to acknowledge there's an issue, and it may not ever be "fixable".

2) You set up a sexless marriage. I see a lot of resentments and frustrations in your future, if you go this way. 

3) You set up an open marriage. Same as #2.

4) You go your own way. Finances are likely the big issue. How will you pay for two homes as well as care for your child? He will have obligations for spousal and child support, but if there's not enough money in the bucket, it doesn't matter how it's split up.

Sorry, wish I had answers for you... If you ask me, you both deserve a happy and healthy sex life. Unfortunately, it looks like it won't be with each other. If you ask me, your husband was wrong to ever get married to someone who wasn't into his kink. Unless, of course, you knew about it before you got married and figured you could live with it...

C


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

he sounds like a big baby!


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> I don't want diapers as part of MY sex life. So is living a sexless marriage ever a viable option?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't think so, you have to keep in mind it's not a lack of sex for a few months or a year... it's no sex for the rest of your life.

That's a lot to give up. You need something to change, which is why I think you should focus on yourself and make yourself happy with you (the 180).

He's made one step of change (basic hygiene), but it's one step out of many more leaps he needs to make to even be in the ball park of what kind of husband you deserve.

I don't say this lightly, but for you I think a separation is not out of the question if he doesn't continue to make changes. You need not pack your bags this moment, but I think for your sanity you have to bring yourself mentally to the place where you'd be willing to execute a separation if he doesn't change more. He needs to know how that you are serious about separation if she doesn't continue to work on himself and his attitudes.

I think you need to spell out what you need from him (don't overstate what you need or understate it). You should work with him to try and meet those goals, but in the end he needs to feel the fear of loosing you (even if just temporarily) in order to change his attitude.

You aren't a housekeeper, you aren't a sex toy, you aren't a partner in is strange fetish fixation... you are his wife. You deserve to be loved like one.


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## Mr.India (Apr 30, 2012)

@drmmommy
I just signed up to reply to your post. Its the first time I visited this site and never knew it existed.
Well, we had a problem, not exactly as yours but it may help you to sort out. I am a cleanness freak specially when it comes to hygiene. After sex she wants me to cuddle and stay with her but I always go and take shower and than come to bed because during sex i sweat and first thing i need is to get rid of that.

I belong to India and for wife to tell what she wants in sex is not normal, so did what you did she sent me an email. When I came home we did not talk about it and that night i did exactly what she wanted. Few days later she told me that she wants to sleep hugging me but my snoring disturbs her. I used few meds and few days back i did not sleep whole night so that i dont disturb her and next morning she cried like hell bcoz i did not sleep. Now she herself push me to shower after sex and check during night if i am awake and also threw away all the meds and sprays i bought to control snoring, because she has got assurance i will not do anything which annoys her and it makes her feel how important she is for me and she really is a darling wife.

So whats the lesson, If he wanted he would have changed his habits. So it means either cannt change or he does not want to bcoz he thinks only he deserves pleasure. 

Ask him, If he cannot change he could have mental illness and it does not let him change. in this case take him to physcrist.

but if does not want to change and as you said he wants MMF ts it means he is one of those men who get pleasure in getting humiliated by some dominating person. Seeing you with another man will make him feel inferior and ultimately pleasure for him. The reason of his not keeping himself clean could be the way he thinks he will achieve his goal because you at last will agree to have sex with someone else because you need it and nobody will ever want to have sex with some dirty underwear. So, this could be his way to ultimately achieving his goal.

Now my advice is that you talk to him face to face. Dont ignore him completely it may worsen the situation. You send him email clearly shows that you are afraid and you have qualities of submissive partner. But, you should remember in your case both of you are submissive, one must take over. 

In a couple one has to be dominant. In us, i play the dominant role in all the financial, social, sexual matters but it does not mean that i dont care for her. I do everything to maintain an intimate relationship, all she has to do is just tell me what she thinks and wants. Being dominant is not bad but its important.

Try to dominate him, because he can not. he has symptoms of being a gay and majority of gay men are submissive. Never ever engage in threesome if you dont want to no matter what the situation is. It is the start of end. because that man will be better than that your husband and same time he is satisfying you so you will get emotionally attached to him. 

If nothing works works ask him you want mff and see his reaction. he will say no because he does not want you to have pleasure. If this happens, than you have your answer. Now seek counseling but if he doesn't agree means he has attitude problem/ego/etc.

Never jump to conclusion before trying all the way outs. you also have a daughter and you are a housewife, first think about her. if nothing works, i dont see any reason of living in depression and wasting the life. We only live once. 

Good Luck

Too long but I cannt stop myself when seeing a couple parting. Death is the only reason for the parting of those who love each other.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Hi Dr. Mommy,

I do not feel that there is anything wrong with your sexuality or your requirements for hygenie. It is not only normal but healthy to like sex, be in touch with your body, be unashamed of your body, and be open-minded (within reason) with respect to what sexual activities in which you will participate. 

His hygenie and preferences (a dirty diaper?!) are really odd. I'm more troubled that he _needs_ them to get off. That is hugely different than him having preferences but being able to get by without them being met 100% of the time.

The only potential problem I see from you is communication style. You want to make sure you lay out, up front and perfectly clearly, exactly what you expect from him and from yourself. If you trickle out things like hygenie first, then his sexual preferences, then some other issue later on, you run the risk of him thinking you are being intentionally difficult or "yanking his chain".


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Something just occurred to me. When did you fund out about the diaper fetish? Before you found out were the two of you having a good sex life? Maybe you're in a bad mood because you're married to a selfish child. Sorry I just see so much of my ex. I felt like his mom and over time I couldn't take it anymore. 
Is he willing to go to counseling and talk openly about his fetish?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> Something just occurred to me. When did you fund out about the diaper fetish? Before you found out were the two of you having a good sex life? Maybe you're in a bad mood because you're married to a selfish child. Sorry I just see so much of my ex. I felt like his mom and over time I couldn't take it anymore.
> Is he willing to go to counseling and talk openly about his fetish?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It's my fault since I knew about the diapers before I married him. But in my defense, I thought it was just his kinky weird preference, I didn't realize it was so all encompassing. He has told me before that what he usually thinks of during sex is diapers or diaper fantasies. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I guess I just assumed he'd be fantasizing about his wife, or whatever. Not diapers. I called him on this last night, and he said how do you know you're not in my diaper fantasies? Well, I didn't have a good answer for that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

DTO said:


> Hi Dr. Mommy,
> 
> I do not feel that there is anything wrong with your sexuality or your requirements for hygenie. It is not only normal but healthy to like sex, be in touch with your body, be unashamed of your body, and be open-minded (within reason) with respect to what sexual activities in which you will participate.
> 
> ...


I agree that my communication style needs help. I should be brave enough to tell him how I feel, all at once, without drawing it out or yanking his chain, but it's just so hard to tell him! Having to tell someone that they smell or they're awful in bed are not easy things to do! Especially when you're married to the person. I am looking into ic and hopefully they can help me learn to communicate better. Thanks so much for your response.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerNiceGuy (Feb 13, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> But in my defense, I thought it was just his kinky weird preference, I didn't realize it was so all encompassing.


Big difference between a little kink and an obsession. 

Two words for you for him: SEX THERAPIST

Good luck.


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> It's my fault since I knew about the diapers before I married him. But in my defense, I thought it was just his kinky weird preference, I didn't realize it was so all encompassing. He has told me before that what he usually thinks of during sex is diapers or diaper fantasies. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I guess I just assumed he'd be fantasizing about his wife, or whatever. Not diapers. I called him on this last night, and he said how do you know you're not in my diaper fantasies? Well, I didn't have a good answer for that.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Eta to clarify: the diapers did not really bother me before we got married because he rarely used them, very very rarely during sex, and I hadn't had my kiddo with special needs (unable to potty train at this time) yet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

FormerNiceGuy said:


> Big difference between a little kink and an obsession.
> 
> Two words for you for him: SEX THERAPIST
> 
> Good luck.


Is it an obsession if he only does it when we have sex? I thought if he were obsessed, he'd wear them all the time or something. I am looking into ic, I'll try starting there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

FormerNiceGuy said:


> Big difference between a little kink and an obsession.
> 
> Two words for you for him: SEX THERAPIST
> 
> Good luck.


You mentioned that paying for therapy was an issue. Do you two attend a church, if so perhaps they would be willing to help with the payments?

If your husband was diagnosed with something like aspy, would your medical insurance cover therapy?


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

We unfortunately do not have medical insurance for myself and my husband. Our son gets free medi-cal from the state of California. California state law requires therapy be covered for a diagnosis of autism, but not pdd-nos or aspergers. We do not attend church because my husband refuses to go with me, and their children's church is not equipped to handle my sons special needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerNiceGuy (Feb 13, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> Is it an obsession if he only does it when we have sex? I thought if he were obsessed, he'd wear them all the time or something. I am looking into ic, I'll try starting there.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


It is an obsession if a man can't have sex with his wife without wearing diapers. That is a Problem.

I would look around for a therapist and tell them your financial situation. The therapist will take care of him/herself, so don't be modest about asking for help/payment plan, whatever it takes - be creative.

If you have to go the self-help route, there are books......but I would try professional help first.


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

PBear said:


> You say you don't care if he wears diapers under his pants, but then you go on to say that you won't have sex with him if he does that. The two statements do not compute.
> 
> His fetish is no different than someone who needs to be tied up to get off, or have pain inflicted. Your options, as I see them, are:
> 
> ...


I should clarify. I don't want to have sex with him if it starts out with me having to stroke his **** through his diaper, or take his diaper off of him. This is a huge turn off for me. I want to be intimate with a real man, not an adult baby. I don't care if he wears the diapers under his pants, but just not immediately leading up to sex, or during sex. I just can't get aroused like that. Even if I am able to touch my own clit. And I'd prefer that he showered after removing the diaper, but before sex, to wash off the pee and diaper chemicals before I have to touch it or give him oral. I hope that we can get into therapy, and I hope it can at least be worked on. If I can stay in this marriage for another 2ys4 months, my son will turn 5 and be done with his necessary early intervention for his autism, and he and I can move somewhere else, like out of California and stay with one of my parents until I can get back on my feet.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerNiceGuy (Feb 13, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> Eta to clarify: the diapers did not really bother me before we got married because he rarely used them, very very rarely during sex, and I hadn't had my kiddo with special needs (unable to potty train at this time) yet.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


By the way, the coincidence between you having a special needs child who you are unable to potty train and your husband's fetish is too strong to overlook.

If I was a therapist, I would start slinging terms, but alas, I am just some guy behind a computer in cyberspace.


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

FormerNiceGuy said:


> By the way, the coincidence between you having a special needs child who you are unable to potty train and your husband's fetish is too strong to overlook.
> 
> If I was a therapist, I would start slinging terms, but alas, I am just some guy behind a computer in cyberspace.


Lol, but you're a HELPFUL guy in cyberspace! I've never heard a term for this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> We unfortunately do not have medical insurance for myself and my husband. Our son gets free medi-cal from the state of California. California state law requires therapy be covered for a diagnosis of autism, but not pdd-nos or aspergers. We do not attend church because my husband refuses to go with me, and their children's church is not equipped to handle my sons special needs.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, you could always try your best to plead your case to local therapists (sex therapist might be ideal). Maybe one of them will take you on for nothing or next to nothing. Perhaps write up a small letter explaining your situation and mail/email it to different sex therapists in your area?


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

Browncoat said:


> Well, you could always try your best to plead your case to local therapists (sex therapist might be ideal). Maybe one of them will take you on for nothing or next to nothing. Perhaps write up a small letter explaining your situation and mail/email it to different sex therapists in your area?


Awesome idea Browncoat, thanks!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates (Apr 29, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> I like to think that I'm pretty open and fun in bed. I'm into trying new things, even kinky stuff, I like to fantasize about all sorts of stuff, I love to watch a guy touch himself, watching other people, same room sex, whatever. I'm not usually shy in bed, except recently with hubby. I just keep thinking that he's repulsed by me, that's why he doesn't want to touch me. I don't really want to touch him either anymore, so I guess I don't have a right to complain. I went too long with his 20 second attempts at foreplay (if that)... I'm not even making any sense. I can't even think straight I'm so annoyed. I crave physical intimacy so much. What I wouldn't do for soft touches, caresses, kisses...I don't feel like doing that stuff to him anymore so I guess I can't get mad he doesn't do it to me. I guess I'm also a little jealous of all the guys on here...I just read another post where a guy wrote he'd eat his wife forever if that's what it took, and use a jackhammer if he needed to. :-(
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yeah that is pretty cool huh-


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

Done_Trying_ 4_Ingrates said:


> Yeah that is pretty cool huh-


Was that you? Your wife is a lucky lady!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> We discussed it lat night. I tried to explain that I need clitoral stimulation, like most women. He again said that makes him feel inadequate. I tried to explain the biology of **** entering vagina, clit is located further up, blah blah blah. I will give him credit that after our convo last night, he did touch my clit during sex, but I still wasn't turned on by him. He said he'd like me to touch him more, ok, I can do that. But I just don't feel the desire. I do have a lot of past resentment from all the years of awful sex, one sided sex, etc. I talk to my best friend a lot about it, and write a journal too. I have been very careful to keep it password protected, but maybe I should just let him read it? I don't have medical insurance for ic right now.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know how to go about being attracted to him again, but he sounds selfish in bed anyway. If you can get him to go down on you at all, buy him a book: "She comes first". Its centered around convincing guys that cunnilingus is required coreplay rather than foreplay. Its to get you off and not just warm you up for his penis. It really emphasizes the critical role of the clittoris to the female orgasm and details the entirety of the structure and various sensitivity.

If he gives you an orgasm (or tw) going down on you, you're more likely to have one (or more) with subsequent penetration even without direct clittoral stimulation. Regardless, no guy feels inadequate after giving you 2-3 orgasms. He'll feel like a beast. 

He needs to be reprogrammed to stop thinking that the only orgasms to be proud of are those he gives you with his penis. Personally, there are few things that massage my ego more than going down on a girl, my arms around her thighs, and struggling to hold on when the big moment comes and those hips thrust. Its awesome when her body siezes while her legs squeeze and shudder in my arms. At that moment, as a guy, you feel like the greatest man on earth.


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

He refuses to go down on me. The last time was sept 2011, but only cause we were trashed and I begged. The time before that was 2008. This is why I just can't help but feel ugly and undesirable. I know my hygiene is up to par, I shave, etc... Anyone else out there not like to preform oral on their girl?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DvlsAdvc8 (Feb 15, 2012)

There are plenty of guys who don't like doing oral on their girl. I think most make excuses, are lazy... or don't really know what's going on down there... a few might be grossed out but never admit to it. The book I recommended is awesome and pretty much covers the excuses. I bought it hoping to learn a trick or two I didn't know (women do crazy things for a guy who enjoys going down on them, does it often, and well... so sure, I had a selfish interest.  ); for learning tricks, its mediocre. There's no real magic tricks or must-know techniques, but you do get a good understanding of why certain things work so well, gives you a different perspective on sex and oral in particular, and it has some useful ideas on ways to build tension and increase the power of an orgasm. Its an easy read, but clearly for more of a intellectual-type guy; a lot of science, anatomy, and general philosophy of sex.

So what's his excuse for not going down? 

Personally I've never understood why any woman would go down on a guy who never goes down on her. Its not always a tit for tat kind of thing, but hell if I had a girl I was going down on regularly who would never give me bjs... I'd stop. I'm certainly not gonna deal with always having to negotiate for one. Its common courtesy. I enjoy getting her off, and I expect whoever I'm with to enjoy getting me off just as much. All you ladies not getting oral need to revolt. lol

A mismatch there is a significant deal breaker for me.

I wish I could give you some advice on the fetish stuff... I got nothing on that one, but totally understand why you're not turned on. I wouldn't deal with a fetish I find disgusting or ruinous of my sexual appetite.


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> He refuses to go down on me. The last time was sept 2011, but only cause we were trashed and I begged. The time before that was 2008. This is why I just can't help but feel ugly and undesirable. I know my hygiene is up to par, I shave, etc... Anyone else out there not like to preform oral on their girl?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was kind of curious about it when I got married, but didn't for years. I remember being concerned about the taste, smell and texture down there for years. So much so that I didn't try it (well my wife didn't ask either). Once I tried it... well now I love doing it.

I remember telling myself that it was just like a kiss to her vagina, and in some ways that's still how I kind of think of it (heck I kiss her everywhere else anyway).

Have you asked why he has such an aversion to it?

Oh and as for shaved, honestly I've found that it is easier shaved or trimmed... but honestly it's always fun.


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

DvlsAdvc8 said:


> There are plenty of guys who don't like doing oral on their girl. I think most make excuses, are lazy... or don't really know what's going on down there... a few might be grossed out but never admit to it. The book I recommended is awesome and pretty much covers the excuses. I bought it hoping to learn a trick or two I didn't know (women do crazy things for a guy who enjoys going down on them, does it often, and well... so sure, I had a selfish interest.  ); for learning tricks, its mediocre. There's no real magic tricks or must-know techniques, but you do get a good understanding of why certain things work so well, gives you a different perspective on sex and oral in particular, and it has some useful ideas on ways to build tension and increase the power of an orgasm. Its an easy read, but clearly for more of a intellectual-type guy; a lot of science, anatomy, and general philosophy of sex.
> 
> So what's his excuse for not going down?
> 
> ...


Thanks. It's nice to have my feelings validated. 
I can't really think of any excuse that he's ever given me...he just won't do it, even when asked. So I stopped giving him bjs. Ok, well every once in a while, but not that often.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

My husband is wonderful in bed except that he doesn't like going down. I'm going to have to find that book! 
Lots of guys don't like it.
I'm just curious, what attracted you to him when you first met?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## drmmommy (Apr 16, 2012)

diwali123 said:


> My husband is wonderful in bed except that he doesn't like going down. I'm going to have to find that book!
> Lots of guys don't like it.
> I'm just curious, what attracted you to him when you first met?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He was the sweetest guy I'd ever met. He was genuinely a nice guy. Which, after being together 9years, apparently translates to a$$hole who is so passive aggressive he can't make up his own mind on what to eat.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

drmmommy said:


> He was the sweetest guy I'd ever met. He was genuinely a nice guy. Which, after being together 9years, apparently translates to a$$hole who is so *passive aggressive he can't make up his own mind on what to eat.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Hate to say it, but that last bit sounds like my 6 year old.


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## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

drmmommy, how did things go when YOU took the lead and went to work on him in order to improve both HIS and your lot?
Since splitting with my habitual cheater, it's been a real treat to date ladies who have a few tricks to bring to the party and who are willing to participate.
AND, they haven't had to pay for ANYTHING.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Asperger's and borderline personality disorder share some common traits. One is the ability to "fake it" when they want something. Once they get it they don't feel like they have to fake it anymore. 
My ex was very sweet until we got engaged, and I had serious doubts but I thought it was normal for couples to
fight. And then he would decide to act loving for a while and I'd think everything was ok. After we got married, within a month he was constantly angry, unhappy, detached, complaining. I finally figured out that he was passive aggressive but I truly didn't understand the depth of it. I thought if I brought it to his attention we could work on it. Instead it made him even more PA to punish me. There were so many times when he would get so possible I would start getting ready to leave him. He would have some kind of epiphany and decide to change for awhile. 
He even got me to agree to have a child with him by completing lying about what kind of patent he wanted to be and what our roles would be. Again after she was born his behavior just kept escalating. 
I think he knew that the jig was up, I knew the game he had been playing and I stopped going on his roller coaster ride. I stopped letting him
dictate my mood. I even suggested after an incident where he
physically blocked me from leaving the house that we separate and live in different bedrooms as roommates. Of course he didn't want that because he wouldn't be in control of me. 
I think once he knew that he couldn't fool me anymore it was just over. 
I'm sorry you have to go through it. It's very painful to think you know someone and they completely change into a different person. 
After I got married the 2nd time I spent months waiting for him to change, for him
withdraw, start pouting, complaining, arguing and going for the jugular. It's almost been a year and I think I love him
more now than when we got married.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Browncoat (Mar 25, 2012)

Dr. Mommy, was curious to hear from you... been a few days. You OK?


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## Gaia (Apr 27, 2012)

livnlearn said:


> the argument I just had with my husband about his messiness seems really unwarranted and silly right now.:lol:


After reading this.... I would have to agree with you on that lvnlearn... I know if i were in drmommys position... I'd have lost my mind and left a long time ago. Suddenly my husband doesn't seem so bad... lol


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I'm convinced people like this know how to pick people who will put up with them long after other have left. I tell stories about my ex and women ask me how I kept myself from beating on him or leaving. They just know how to find patient giving people who are very committed. 
OP how are things going?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I can't imagine how difficult it is to have a child as you describe. I know it's not unusual but that doesn't make it any easier. Is it possible that he (and perhaps you) acting out against each other is a release for your hardships with your son? Obviously this isn't a matter of blaming this on your son but could an inability to cope with having a disabled son the root of the problem? To be honest, I sense a two way problem here. It's a deep problem with the relationship that's not just about him.

It was actually sad reading early in your post as you described the upcoming 'sex test'. As soon as I read that post, I thought it was set up for disaster and was going to be a disaster.

To address your (less serious) question about guys giving oral...i'm a guy and i could do it all day. But frankly, not getting oral sounds like the least of the problems in this relationship.


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## noneya987654 (Nov 11, 2016)

Wow. There is a lot going wrong here. Let's start with the fetish:

A diapered baby should not be a sexual object for you or anyone. If your hubby wants to be a diapered baby, then put him in diapers, stick a pacifier in his mouth, or bottle/breast feed him and get a boyfriend. Your grown man-baby can either get off watching you get off, or learn that babies don't have sex.

For you personally:
Anytime you are powerless in a relationship, you will become bitter and resent your partner. You can either take complete control over this grown baby, or leave him. There are no other options that will preserve your own self esteem. Perhaps you should indoctrinate him to a female led relationship and see if that doesn't work for better for both of you. Good luck.


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## marieeiram (Oct 3, 2017)

I was wondering are you still married to this person? Since this was written about 5 years ago... If you are I hope you seek couple therapy.


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