# conflicted...advice



## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

A little about my situation. Married 18 years...3 beautiful children, 10, 13 and 15 (16 first week of march). Problems in the past include alcohol on my part and some visits to inappropriate websites viewing photographs. I have gotten alcohol under control and the inappropriate websites haven't been an issue in over a year. No problems stopping that. I have not been emotionally there for my wife in the past and she has always wanted to go to MC. I always said, we can talk it out. Always thought we did good job. Evidentally, we didn't. Also, I was sexually abused as a child, which I think plays into my underemotional and slightly apathetic and antisocial attitude. I can go out in crowds, but would rather not. Wife and i had argument 1 1/2 months ago, something little. i could tell in her eyes something has changed. Long story short, I tried to do everything right and be there for her. i said, lets do counseling. First session, MC listens to my wife, who basically told her everything i've done wrong in our marriage. I said nothing, MC looks at me and retells everything I have done wrong and then says, "you look depressed". I explained on lexapro which is helping a little. Felt like I was being mugged for an hour. Wife and I agreed not to go back. Wife wants divorce, I said is there anything I can say or do to make you want to work on our marriage. she says, i don't think so. What is hard is that she went 1 1/2 months not telling me anything and then I feel like I am just hit out of the blue. we do argue quite a bit, but I still care for her deeply, but I don't want the kids to continue dealing with what they are now. Kids don't know yet and wife doesn't think a good idea to tell before kids birthday (which is 1 1/2 weeks out). I think it would be better to open up to them and then try to make the birthday as normal as possible. Any input? by the way, thinner is my name, because in last 1 1/2 months to 2 months since this began, I have lost almost 20 pounds. No appetite. Help please.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

Would you try another counselor?


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## thinner (Feb 28, 2011)

Things seem so screwed up. I would try another counselor, but she said that things are done. It aggravates her beyond what you could imagine, she says, to see me hurt. I told her that she needs to do what she feels is right. i told her that i am willing to work on our marriage, she says that she doesn't think its going to work. I don't however, want this to rear its ugly head in the future, if for some reason she had a 180 change of heart. I just feel so hurt, and lonely. All is said this am was I asked her when she was going to ask the counselor how to address the issue to the kids and she blew up on me and started yelling. When i apologized, she said that's all i've been doing our whole marriage is apologizing. Our kids are wonderful and after this am, I think they would be better with us apart, yet she doesn't think its the right time. Is there ever a right time to tell your kids you are getting divorced?


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