# Can't seem to get on the same page!



## Cinta (Dec 29, 2010)

I am lost, utterly lost. I just feel completely overwhelmed by my marriage. My husband is a good man but we just keep clashing over one issue... a conflict with my in laws. It has nearly ended our marriage and still has the potential to do so. We haven't even been married 12 months. I am ready to reconcile with them but they keep putting up road blocks. It's tearing my husband and I apart as he seems to take their side when I'm not even asking him to choose. I feel completely helpless and under attack. I am not perfect and know that I have had a role to play in the conflict and have attempted to apologise for my part but none of the parties including my husband seem willing to take that on board. It has been six months now and we just can't seem to move past it. Tonight he packed his bags into the car and was going to leave because he assumed something that was completely untrue. It's like he has no trust or faith that I behave with good will.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

What is the nature of the conflict with your in laws? More information would be helpful to offer any thoughts.


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## Cinta (Dec 29, 2010)

It is really very silly. I complimented his sister on something that she was wearing, and asked where she bought it. She replied saying that she would take me shopping there. A few days later I brought it up and she agreed to take me there but her body language suggested to me that she was not in the mood to go, so I said it's no problem we can go another time, she got upset and then had a complete over reaction and threw a cake at the wall, (I suspect that she has bi polar disorder). Of course an argument followed and I got angry and asked my husband to take me home, thier father then told me not to come back to the house. At that point my husband was supportive of me but over the last few months he has been less and less so, and is now siding with his family.


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## greenpearl (Sep 3, 2010)

Such a small thing, and it turned out to be a big marriage problem!


What's wrong with this woman? Is she jealous of you?


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## Cinta (Dec 29, 2010)

Ibelieve that she is resentful b/c her previous relationship ended very badly. Her ex was violent and had drinking and gambling issues. Up until this family conflict my husband and I had a great realtionship so maybe she is just trying to project her misery onto tothers around her, or maybe she is just really messed up after being through so much.


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## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

You could choose to fight with your husband. In my opinion, you would be in the right. But what good is being right if it means being at odds with your husband.

If it were me, I would take a deep breath (might take 50 actually) and apologize. You don't even have to specify what you are apologizing for. 

Next time, take the high moral ground. If she blows a gasket over something stupid simply say, oh I misunderstood you. I am sorry. Smile, nod and realize she is not worth your time. 

I would not choose to hang out with a person such as she any more than was strictly necessary for family functions though.

Just a thought.


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## Cinta (Dec 29, 2010)

I agree with you, that is what I have decided to do with the sister and my father in law. However one phone call from either one of them has my husband in a tizzy and carrying on to me about how I don't care about them and going over old ground about how my reaction at the time made the situation worse. I know that my behaviour made it worse and I regret it but I can't go back and change it. He just keeps bringing it up. 
Christmas day my husband and I agreed to attempt to resolve the conflict by starting with a meeting with his folks to discuss the issue. The following that the plan was tto meet with his sister if she wished to do so. The last time I called to invite them over to talk it out was months ago and that was not well received, so I sent a text message today expressing my desire to sort it out. Hubby's father called and said "Come over on Sunday and we'll all talk it through", I was like great but can we just keep it simple and keep it at just the parent and us for now and bring the sister into it another time as she is the hostile one... to which he responded well it's Sunday with all of us or not at all. I politely asked him to call my husband and talk it over with him because I was not comfortable with that scenario (afraid of being verbally/ physically attacked by sister, but did not actually say this). Husband comes home and starts yelling at me saying I have upset his father who was apparently crying on the phone to him, what the???? Why is my husband choosing side when I have't even asked that of him?


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