# Lookign for your thoughts and opinions



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Some of you may know my deal, currently separated and waiting for the papers to sign before it's all official. I moved out and she's in the house with both our kids. I've known that she has been seeing someone else as have I. In the beginning before I was allowed to leave the house, she and I had a discussion about future significant others. All I asked and said to her was out of respect for her I would not expose our kids to anyone unless I knew it was a serious and potentially long term. She seemed to be in agreement of that. The other kicker was that if it was time for someone else to walk into her life and she did believe this person to be "the one" that I would at least have the benefit of meeting this guy first as he was going to be around my kids. Well it turns out that after 3 months of dating, she has found love with this guy and decided to disregard my wishes of meeting him. Am I wrong for being extremely angry about this? I always knew that eventually someone else would be in her life and I was at peace with that. All I asked was to meet this guy who was going to be around my kids, simply so I could speak to him about my kids and what I thought to be appropriate behavior around them. I've been seeing the same girl for about the same amount of time and in no way shape or form do i think it's love. Everything is still so fresh within the divorce that I dont want to confuse my children with the revolving door of adult relationships. I honestly dont believe this guy she is seeing is someone she is "in love" with. There is the "rebound" factor and The other thing that is called the "honeymoon period" where everyone is on their best behavior. I just thought she would be a little more responsible with exposing our children to someone at such an early stage in all of this. Right now everything is perfect and it may or may not be good for the long haul but I think it takes a littel more than three months to really validate meeting the kids. I'm wondering if I'm valid in my discomfort or if I'm being overly dramatic. Thoughts please.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well the thing was, you guys had an agreement and she bailed on it. That is why you're upset.

So you should call her outon if it's still making you uncomfortable. Tell her you want to meet him as per your agreement.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Well the thing was, you guys had an agreement and she bailed on it. That is why you're upset.
> 
> So you should call her outon if it's still making you uncomfortable. Tell her you want to meet him as per your agreement.


Yeah I already asked for that, and I want to do it just me and him. I don't want her around. I need to be uninhibited in this conversation as it is something that will affect my kids future.


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## sprinter (Jul 25, 2011)

You will have to hammer out an agreement. Just put it in there. It's reasonable and likely something you could win on if you held out for court. You're an equal parent and you have every right to meet this guy. The only caveat might be you having to wait until they marry, perhaps. However, if it's in an agreement that wouldn't matter.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Rico, you definitely have the right to meet this person if he is going to be in your children's life, though I don't know that your demand for it to be without her around is reasonable though. I too had an understanding with my W about new dates around our child, though it wasn't very explicit - so I called her and also texted so there was something of a record that we had an explicit agreement that nobody meets our son until it becomes a long term thing - she was a little upset that I questioned her on this I just needed to make sure it was on the record. In fact it is even the law in my jurisdiction, however I don't know if there are really any consequences to breaching it.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Yea, I don't know if you can meet him alone.

My ex met my husband but I was there. It is just what has to be done. If my ex wanted to meet my husband without me, my husband wouldn't have gone! haha...what an awkward 2 hours that was.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Rico said:


> Yeah I already asked for that, and I want to do it just me and him. I don't want her around. I need to be uninhibited in this conversation as it is something that will affect my kids future.


Unless you are a much stronger man than I am, I wouldn't recommend that. If I was alone with OM at this point in time, it would be very ugly. It would be like their encounters, there wouldn't be much talking. The physical acts would be different and a lot less enjoyable for him, but there wouldn't be much talking. Maybe you are in a better, more mature, point in the process than I am, though.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My first thought on reading this is that you said what you wanted/expected, and she "seemed to be in agreement". There's a big difference between agreeing and seeming to agree. It mmay be time to lawyer up, and have things spelled out carefully and completely, and signed by both parties.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

I spoke to my lawyer, and basically it is a big no no here in NY for her to bring another man into our childrens life so soon. The divorce paperwork is not even drawn up yet and here she is bringing him around them. I am not comfortable with it at all and my lawyer said he would contact her lawyer and tell her that this isn't acceptable and if any resistance is given that there is a document of some sort that would be drafted, basically a motion for her to cease bringing him around them. I just think it is irresponsible and that she is just being selfish to try and re create a new family without letting our kids adapt to us being separated and being ok with that first. My son still asks if we are going to get back together. My kids are 6 and 2 BTW. Way too young in my opinion for them to be dealing with the concept of mommy being with someone new other than daddy. I will put a time limit of 8 months to a year if necessary for her to be dating an individual before she is allowed to bring them around and that I must meet the individual first. I have no problem with not exposing them to a new woman until i know they are ready and until i am comfortable knowing whomever the woman is is worthy of meeting them. I am not going to expose them to a revolving door of women this early on in their lives. I think I am thinking of them and their mental stability more than she is. She's more worried about her need to have a man around and creating instant family again.


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