# Today was our anniversary



## andy32m (Jan 27, 2011)

My wife and I have been separated for 10 weeks and we have filed for divorce. Our court date is June 17th. Today is our three year anniversary. I am very depressed. No one in my family called to check on me today. I know they are busy and possibly forgot today was the day but I could've really used a phone call. This has been an awfully difficult day. I am set to move out of our house this weekend and I was going through boxes and sorting and came across a box of our wedding stuff and I really broke down. The picture right on top when I opened the box was from our wedding day and the frame had the saying "And They Lived Happily Ever After" on it....
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## uhaul4mybaggage (Jul 20, 2010)

I'm sorry, Andy. Last Friday was my 20th. Also divorcing, but with kids in the middle. 

I wish you brighter days. Hang in there.


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## denise1218 (Dec 24, 2010)

I know exactly how hard that must have been for you....and I am sorry because I know it stinks really bad. Best advice....just take it one day at a time....and don't look thru the wedding stuff.....


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## broken1 (May 10, 2011)

Andy- I know exactly where you're at. I'm there. My wife filed for a legal separation that was stamped by the court ON our 8 year anniversary. We had just moved out of state about 3 weeks prior so my life has been filled with the unpacking of sentimental items. 90 days since filed will be June 20. At which time I can only assume she'll simply sign a document that will instantly convert it to a dissolution. Then it will be over. Just like that. Like the last 8 years never happened. All that will remain of the love we once shared are two innocent little toddlers who get absolutely no voice in the matter. Its heartbreaking. Not getting much easier yet. I'm still holding onto hope that somehow this can turn around. Unfortunately that hope is what keeps me in torment. Alternatively, I could probably very quickly kill the pain and fill the void by dating and find a woman that will value and love me for the man I am. But that's not an option either since the ultimate goal is putting my family back together. Its hell. We've been physically separated now for 3 months. I've lived with my mother most of the time and got my own apartment about two weeks ago. Trying to just focus on improving myself.

If your family is anything like mine they maybe weren't sure if it would be better to leave you alone on your anniversary rather than phone call after phone call of reminders. The truth is most people, even family, don't know what to say except things like "hang in there." (So sick of hearing that). But I'm not sure I would know what to say either so I don't blame them. 

Try not to dwell on your dream of "happily ever after" or it will consume you. Easier said than done, I know... But your most productive behavior will be to truly try detaching. It will be best for you as a person, but it will also make you appear as attractive to her as is possible right now. Confidence is attractive. I pushed my wife further and further away for the first two months before learning that. Initially she just wanted some space and time. I pushed... Then she wanted a legal separation to make her point to me. I pushed... Then one day, while pushing her into a corner wanting her to decide what she wants... She decided. Said she made up her mind and wants a divorce. Well, I'm not pushing anymore. Might be too late now though. 

Did a lot of hi-jacking your post here, sorry. Your story just seemed very familiar to me. Pray Andy. God specializes in miracles and restoring marriages. Seek Him.
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## lost_&_trying (Apr 4, 2011)

This is obviously a difficult subject for all of us. The big question is DO we acknowledge it or NOT? I've been torn over this myself for a while and still don't have a clear answer of whether or not it's even appropriate. Been having NC for many weeks now.


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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

broken1 I totally agree about not dwelling on the happily ever after thing. I am having a really hard time with that. Second to that is the fact I feel I wasted 8 good years of my life. I am furious that I can't get those back. What a worthless thing to worry about since I can't do a damn thing about it.

andy I am sorry about your anniversary. I hope today is a much better day for you. You're in the right place for support. This forum makes me feel a lot better.


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## andy32m (Jan 27, 2011)

Thanks for the words of encouragement. Broken, i have been in denial for awhile but now that it is a reality i cant pretend anymore like its not going to happen. As i go thru the house and see all the things she left behind like shoes, jewelery, makeup, etc. It really infuriates me tomthink about how much money we wasted on those things, material things, that obviously meant nothing to her for them to be left behind. My parents are flying in from florida (i live in ohio) tomorrow to help me pack and move this weekend. I feel so bad because everything is disorganized and a mess. The detachment part will get easier, i know, especially when i am out of this house and moved into my new apartment.

I really appreciate this forum very much. Thanks to all of you.
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## staircase (May 16, 2011)

dude throw everything away. Get a giant bin and pitch it all. It feels really, really good. It was the one shining star about my husband's departure-the symbolic purging of his crap.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Andy, i havent got to the pictures yet. You know what that will be like for me. Worst thing for me is the fact that my 26 year old son is getting married in November; he was the child hurt the worst when we broke the news to them. He has a huge heart; I have never seen him angry at anyone, he is the shining light in our family, always the biggest smile. Until this news. He now refuses to ever come into our house again; the house where he grew up. He talks to me all the time but has somewhat distanced himself from his mother, so has his fiance - how very sad for all of us. So his wedding should be just wonderful when all of our families are gathered under one roof - you might see the brawl on the national news; or everyone can chose to remain civil for the respect and sake of my son. GOD help us, God help my son - he did not deserve this. So andy, I just think we have to trudge through all that this new life will bring out way. I wish you the best man.
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