# Wife Called Me A Coward..



## bogey

because I supposedly didnt 'defend her honor'.

while walking out of a movie theater to my car these three guys made some comments about her, basically hooting and hollering saying she was hot and had a nice ass or whatever. We just ignored them and went on our way. She says one of them was cat-calling but I don't remember hearing it. When driving home she asked me why I didn't say anything to 'defend her honor'. I guess she expected me to fight these three guys to prove I cared for her or something. I tried to explain to her that this is real life and three-on-one is almost a guaranteed trip to the hospital but she's still a little pissed at me for not doing anything. honestly, what did she want me to do? take them all on at once? I told her maybe if she dressed more appropriately men would have more respect for her. It's not my fault she dresses like a **** sometimes..

to the ladies of this board: how would you want your man to react in this situation?

to the men: how would _you_ react to this situation?


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## that_girl

It's not like they were talking trash.

I would have laughed and not thought about it afterwards. What were you supposed to do? Kick their asses for saying you have a hot wife? LOL!


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## Mistys dad

I would have told her she was hot.

Found a quiet parking area.

Watched the submarine races.


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## oneandonly2

your wife is starving for attention. she has issues not you. 3 on 1 .. no thanks. and any woman worth her salt would not want her man in that postition unless it was necessary.... and a few cat calls does not make it necessary .


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## GreenEyes

There is no way that I would EVER expect my husband to go 3 against 1, EVER!!!! I may as well shove him in front of a speeding car...hmmmm.....lol...... And anyway when people make comments and cat call and all that, me and my H laugh, it's flattering to me, sometimes, lol and funny to him because he's taking me home  If the guys were coming up and groping her and you just stood there and let it happen then yeah she should be pissed, but not for what really happened....


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## Lon

It really was a wide open type of situation, you could have reacted many different ways but either way it doesn't reflect on you, Your W chose to turn the situation into a fitness test. The alpha response would have been to grab a handful of your W's @ss to show these guys she is your property. The integrated response would have been to tell the guys to show some respect. The reasonable approach was to ignore them and go on your way, if you were a coward and your W decided to demonstrate it by giving those guys some attention it would have forced you into fight or flight. I see your reaction as reasonable, though not what would have really impressed your immature W, however with her disappointment it shows a disrespect for you, if she expected you to fight she is a lunatic.


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## NotLikeYou

bogey- your wife trotted out the old "Honey, let's you and him fight" sh1t test. This is a favorite among popular high school girls with princess complexes. As you describe the situation, your wife really had no business pulling this test on you. And if she really called you a coward over it, then you need to look really hard at your choice of wives before you get much further along in life.

As far as how I would have reacted, I would have ignored the trash talking just like you did. 

As far as how I would have reacted if my wife called me a coward over ignoring the 3 buttheads, I can't say for sure. "Agree and amplify" is usually a good response to a sh1t test, "Yes, I'm a great big coward- I would've been afraid of them if they were just 3 boy scouts!"

Changing the frame can also work- "Honey, why do you want me to fight 3 guys at once and get beat up? Why do you want me to get my ass kicked?"

Of course, lying work pretty good too. "Babe, I didn't hear a word they said- I was thinking about what a great evening I was having with you!"


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## Deejo

Sounds like the cat-calling was what I call a 'catalyst event'.

In other words, other stuff has been going on that has caused her to question how you feel about her ... and how she feels about you.

Your lack of response to the 3 goof-balls, and your subsequent response basically telling her she dresses like a tramp = her feeling emotionally abandoned by you and lashing out. Calling you a coward.

Obviously, which hit a nerve.

In any case, presuming you aren't a mixed martial artist, you probably made the right choice.

Those circumstances are a coin toss. How to best respond is situational. 

My brother faced similar circumstances. Group of six teen to twenty-somethings. They taunted he, his gf at the time, and another couple. He told them to knock it off. They continued.

One got up the nerve to walk up to him and ask him what he was 'going to do about it'. My brother proceeded to beat the absolute, ever-living, sh!t out of him. Badly ... 

The remaining 5? THEY called the cops. Girlfriend was horrified by what he did.

In hindsight, he truly wished he had just ignored them.


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## mr.miketastic

She has lost respect for you. Look for the contempt that you may have been missing. I would get counseling soon. Look up the man-up plan and be prepared to move on without her. In order to save something, you need to be willing to let it burn.


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## Halien

I don't think you were a coward.

Still, my wife would be offended if the catcalls went to the level of telling her that she had a fine a$$. I would just tell the guys that they need to tone it down. That's all. Usually, if there are several, their attention, and insults, turn to me, and this doesn't bother me. Of course, my response depends on location, assuming you are not in a place you should've avoided in the first place.


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## Runs like Dog

And if you had done something she'd criticize you for being a cave man jerk and not respecting her either.


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best

Runs like Dog said:


> And if you had done something she'd criticize you for being a cave man jerk and not respecting her either.


thats right. another no win test.


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## Jamison

Deejo said:


> Your lack of response to the 3 goof-balls, and your subsequent response basically telling her she dresses like a tramp = her feeling emotionally abandoned by you and lashing out. Calling you a coward.


Deejo beat me to it, and I agree with this. 

I will say too, there are probably right many women who do like a man to defend her honor, however, I agree that in this particular case you made the right choice.

If it were me I would have more than likely done the same thing. I would not have have made the comment about how she dresses though. That more than likely hurt far worse than you not defending her like she thought you should.


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## Therealbrighteyes

You haven't defended her in the past, have you?


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## Mrs. T

If I know my husband it would have been something like this: them hooting and hollering the comments about being hot and having a nice a** followed by him checking out and possibly slapping said nice a** and then a comment shot back at the three of them saying "It is an awfully nice a** isn't it?" and the two of us laughing our way back to the car. 
That is pretty close to what he would have done and just the way I would want him to handle it. I have no question about his manhood. If there came a time I was ever in true danger he would not hesitate to step up and protect me, but to fight three guys because they made a few comments is really senseless, he doesn't need to prove anything to them and he's already proven himself to me.


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## In_The_Wind

Halien said:


> I don't think you were a coward.
> 
> Still, my wife would be offended if the catcalls went to the level of telling her that she had a fine a$$. I would just tell the guys that they need to tone it down. That's all. Usually, if there are several, their attention, and insults, turn to me, and this doesn't bother me. Of course, my response depends on location, assuming you are not in a place you should've avoided in the first place.


:iagree:


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## bogey

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You haven't defended her in the past, have you?


defended her how? fought for her? if that's what you're asking then no i haven't..

but she has always been independent of mind, and doesn't need me to stick up for her most times. but this time was different, like she flipped the switch on me and now she's all pissed off


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## gonefishin

You can not win in these situations. I think you handled it just fine. Your wife needs to grow up. The three guys that made the comments were the real cowards. These are the type of guys that have nothing and stand for nothing.

Would any of the three guys have made these comments if they were alone? Doubt it.


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## SprucHub

Someone who asks to have her honor defended has no honor. Honor is something you have or do not have, it needs no protection. Her physical safety is what you should protect. Fighting 3 guys would leave her unprotected. She is an immature dolt that is testing you.


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## Therealbrighteyes

bogey said:


> defended her how? fought for her? if that's what you're asking then no i haven't..
> 
> but she has always been independent of mind, and doesn't need me to stick up for her most times. but this time was different, like she flipped the switch on me and now she's all pissed off


She does need you to stick up for her, if she didn't, her reaction would have been vastly different than what it was in this situation. 
I am not suggesting that you should have taken on 3 dudes, not at all. I am however letting you know why she called you a coward and this was her breaking point. You haven't shown in the past that you were willing to stand up for her (either physically or verbally) and that is why her response was the way it was.
She doesn't feel secure anymore.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

bogey said:


> because I supposedly didnt 'defend her honor'.
> 
> while walking out of a movie theater to my car these three guys made some comments about her, basically hooting and hollering saying she was hot and had a nice ass or whatever. We just ignored them and went on our way. She says one of them was cat-calling but I don't remember hearing it. When driving home she asked me why I didn't say anything to 'defend her honor'. I guess she expected me to fight these three guys to prove I cared for her or something. I tried to explain to her that this is real life and three-on-one is almost a guaranteed trip to the hospital but she's still a little pissed at me for not doing anything. honestly, what did she want me to do? take them all on at once? I told her maybe if she dressed more appropriately men would have more respect for her. It's not my fault she dresses like a **** sometimes..
> 
> to the ladies of this board: how would you want your man to react in this situation?
> 
> to the men: how would _you_ react to this situation?


If you had fought three guys over that, she'd be calling you stupid, and maybe jealous too. 

Gee, I've had guys slow down and holler and hoot and stare just in my long shorts and sandals and a demure top. I usually just wave and smile. What's the harm in critique, so long as it's honest and admirable? It's the creeps who undress you during business meetings or worse in a dentist's chair that you need to be concerned of, not the people who just tell it like it is. Not like they were gonna gang-rape her or something.


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## Jamison

bogey said:


> defended her how? fought for her? if that's what you're asking then no i haven't..
> 
> but she has always been independent of mind, and doesn't need me to stick up for her most times. but this time was different, like she flipped the switch on me and now she's all pissed off


I think for some women,defend doesn't always mean whoop ass. However, as I said on the first page in that particular situation I think you handled it correctly. With 3 other men against you, you never know. 

For some women its a reassurance of love and importance for her man to some to her defense sometimes. There is difference between fighting someone elses battles and coming to someones defense at times.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Jamison said:


> I think for some women,defend doesn't always mean whoop ass. However, as I said on the first page in that particular situation I think you handled it correctly. With 3 other men against you, you never know.
> 
> For some women its a reassurance of love and importance for her man to some to her defense sometimes. There is difference between fighting someone elses battles and coming to someones defense at times.


With the exception of Jamison, everybody here missed what this was really about. It wasn't about a guy unwilling to get his ass kicked by 3 dudes, it was about a woman who has not been defended in the past, either physically or verbally. It also wasn't about honor, it's about a woman feeling comfortable and secure knowing that her husband will stand up for her. Had that happened in the past, her reaction would have been of laughter and shrugging it off. It wasn't.


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## AFEH

I think the question you need to ask yourself is why are you going out with a woman who dresses like a *****. You obviously don’t like it, it does have repercussions and yet you tolerate it and go out with her. Reckon you should have more respect for yourself even if your wife doesn’t.



On top of all that your woman is crazy enough to think you should have pitched in three against one. And again I think you need to ask yourself just what are you doing with such a woman who would urge you into a potentially harmful, life threatening situation.


She sure doesn't sound like a keeper to me.


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## Jamison

Therealbrighteyes said:


> With the exception of Jamison, everybody here missed what this was really about. It wasn't about a guy unwilling to get his ass kicked by 3 dudes, it was about a woman who has not been defended in the past, either physically or verbally. It also wasn't about honor, it's about a woman feeling comfortable and secure knowing that her husband will stand up for her. Had that happened in the past, her reaction would have been of laughter and shrugging it off. It wasn't.


It was something I had to learn over the years though. I used to not do that until it was brought to my attention and was explained to me by the woman I was dating what she truly meant.

I also think most women can fight their own battles, but I do think SOMETIMES they want to at least hear their man stand up for them on an occasion.


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## CallaLily

I think maybe all she wanted was you to say something. I also do not think she realized at the time that when she wanted you to say something, that it was possible you could get jumped by three other guys, I doubt that crossed her mind, although anything is possible.


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## bogey

AFEH said:


> I think the question you need to ask yourself is why are you going out with a woman who dresses like a *****. You obviously don’t like it, it does have repercussions and yet you tolerate it and go out with her. Reckon you should have more respect for yourself even if your wife doesn’t.
> 
> 
> 
> On top of all that your woman is crazy enough to think you should have pitched in three against one. And again I think you need to ask yourself just what are you doing with such a woman who would urge you into a potentially harmful, life threatening situation.
> 
> 
> She sure doesn't sound like a keeper to me.


i'm not the type of guy to keep his girl on a tight leash and order her around everywhere. like i said, when i met her she was independent of mind and i respected that about her. we're still young, so she dresses a little provocatively here and there, but since this was the first time she got harassed for it (in front of me at least) i suggested she tone it down a little bit. it was never really a problem before. 

and the fact that she got pissed at me for not defending her took me a bit by surprise because she never acted like this before


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## CallaLily

Maybe she should have called them out herself. Told them a thing or two. 

1.Would that make you feel upset, angry and emasculated?
2.Relieved she did it so you wouldn't have to?
3.Or not care one way or the other?


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## MSP

I would have taken the calls as compliments meant for me and smiled and thanked them, maybe winking.

I've been in violent situations and taking on three guys is something best left for movies. It's almost guaranteed to end with you getting your head kicked in while you lie on the ground groaning--like happened to my uncle in exactly this situation.

If you don't like how your wife dresses, you need to address this. If your wife feels like she is not getting enough attention from you, you need to address this. If your wife feels like you are not alpha enough and wants to see you do something manly, you need to address this. There are issues underlying this situation that indicate something deeper than what happened on the surface.


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## bogey

CallaLily said:


> Maybe she should have called them out herself. Told them a thing or two.
> 
> 1.Would that make you feel upset, angry and emasculated?
> 2.Relieved she did it so you wouldn't have to?
> 3.Or not care one way or the other?


if she would've called them out i would have backed her up


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## Therealbrighteyes

AFEH said:


> I think the question you need to ask yourself is why are you going out with a woman who dresses like a *****. You obviously don’t like it, it does have repercussions and yet you tolerate it and go out with her. Reckon you should have more respect for yourself even if your wife doesn’t.


He liked it just fine when she left the house dressed like that. It didn't become an issue until after his manhood was questioned.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Jamison said:


> It was something I had to learn over the years though. I used to not do that until it was brought to my attention and was explained to me by the woman I was dating what she truly meant.
> 
> I also think most women can fight their own battles, but I do think SOMETIMES they want to at least hear their man stand up for them on an occasion.


You got it but let's just toss that wisdom aside and call her crazy, okay?


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## ocotillo

bogey said:


> I told her maybe if she dressed more appropriately men would have more respect for her. It's not my fault she dresses like a **** sometimes..


Well your actions at the time were perfectly correct, but your remark above was certainly unfortunate. 

Just as a general observation, there's all kinds of opportunites in everday life to defend your wife / girlfriend that don't involve an unfair fight where you would need to kill or seriously injure someone just to avoid a similar outcome yourself

Auto mechanics love to rip women off. When I'm too busy to take a car in for something that I'm not equipped to do at home, my wife sometimes takes the car in herself. They *always* try to tell her that things I've just recently service/replaced are worn out and need fixing. 

It's an excellent setup to very publicly defend her in terms that 'shimmer in the air.'


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## Halien

Therealbrighteyes said:


> With the exception of Jamison, everybody here missed what this was really about. It wasn't about a guy unwilling to get his ass kicked by 3 dudes, it was about a woman who has not been defended in the past, either physically or verbally. It also wasn't about honor, it's about a woman feeling comfortable and secure knowing that her husband will stand up for her. Had that happened in the past, her reaction would have been of laughter and shrugging it off. It wasn't.


With respect, I think the situation is more complex than this. Most married men don't stay silent because we are more worried about ourself. We often still take upon ourself the fear for the safety of our wife, just as she fears for ours, but there is also a desire to do the right thing for her protection. She shouldn't dismiss this so casually.

My wife trusts me to protect her when we are in the city. Its an extreme situation, but even though she followed my lead and tried to ignore a couple of guys in a national park, I still had to defend us when they pulled out their knives and ordered her to go into the woods. I put one of them in the hospital with my favorite walking stick, and scared the other one away because he thought I had gone postal. I grew up in a bad place, and could tell that these guys were bad business. She trusts me to make the right call when situations arise. But what is important to me is that such tests as this would be beneath her, out of respect for me. 

The OP wasn't just fearful for himself. He feared for the safety of his wife. At the end of the day, many of us can deal with the lumps that come along if the situation turns bad for us, but putting our wife in danger is not something we want to use as a relationship test.


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## AFEH

bogey said:


> i'm not the type of guy to keep his girl on a tight leash and order her around everywhere. like i said, when i met her she was independent of mind and i respected that about her. we're still young, so she dresses a little provocatively here and there, but since this was the first time she got harassed for it (in front of me at least) i suggested she tone it down a little bit. it was never really a problem before.
> 
> and the fact that she got pissed at me for not defending her took me a bit by surprise because she never acted like this before


You just think on guys like that as total ****heads and move on. No way do you ever get involved with them. You don’t interact with them in anyway whatsoever. You just don’t do that.


Your wife is totally stupid thinking you should have done anything else. She’s supposed to be on your side and that does not include encouraging you take on three guys.



If you wife was in physical danger then it’s totally different. But even then you still ensure you get her away from the scene as quickly as you can.


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## Tall Average Guy

Therealbrighteyes said:


> She does need you to stick up for her, if she didn't, her reaction would have been vastly different than what it was in this situation.
> I am not suggesting that you should have taken on 3 dudes, not at all. I am however letting you know why she called you a coward and this was her breaking point. *You haven't shown in the past that you were willing to stand up for her (either physically or verbally) and that is why her response was the way it was.*She doesn't feel secure anymore.


I think it would be useful for the OP to confirm this. He says he has not fought for her physically, but has the opportunity come up. Has he stood up for her verbally? If so, how?


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## Therealbrighteyes

Halien said:


> With respect, I think the situation is more complex than this. Most married men don't stay silent because we are more worried about ourself. We often still take upon ourself the fear for the safety of our wife, just as she fears for ours, but there is also a desire to do the right thing for her protection. She shouldn't dismiss this so casually.
> 
> My wife trusts me to protect her when we are in the city. Its an extreme situation, but even though she followed my lead and tried to ignore a couple of guys in a national park, I still had to defend us when they pulled out their knives and ordered her to go into the woods. I put one of them in the hospital with my favorite walking stick, and scared the other one away because he thought I had gone postal. I grew up in a bad place, and could tell that these guys were bad business. She trusts me to make the right call when situations arise. But what is important to me is that such tests as this would be beneath her, out of respect for me.
> 
> The OP wasn't just fearful for himself. He feared for the safety of his wife. At the end of the day, many of us can deal with the lumps that come along if the situation turns bad for us, but putting our wife in danger is not something we want to use as a relationship test.


You missed my point entirely, which is rare for you. 
I am NOT referring to this situation. One guy on three is ridiculous. No way would he have "won". What I AM saying is that he has clearly shown in the past that he wouldn't stand up for her and he said as much. Had he in the past came to her defense, no sensible woman would have wanted him to engage 3 jerks. Not one. 
Does anybody here REALLY think this was about 3 guys who heckled her or can you see the larger picture and her extreme reaction? Wow.


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## KJ5000

gonefishin said:


> You can not win in these situations. I think you handled it just fine. Your wife needs to grow up. The three guys that made the comments were the real cowards. These are the type of guys that have nothing and stand for nothing.
> 
> Would any of the three guys have made these comments if they were alone? Doubt it.


Punks like that NEVER act alone. The OP made the right move. People watch too many action films. A three on one situation means the ONE ends up in a hospital 99% of the time.

Calling you a coward is going to have some long lasting repercussions unless you're the type that let's things roll right off your shoulders. 
I think a long discusion with the wife is due. 
First up - Why is she still dressing like she's on the hunt?


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## Therealbrighteyes

Tall Average Guy said:


> I think it would be useful for the OP to confirm this. He says he has not fought for her physically, but has the opportunity come up. Has he stood up for her verbally? If so, how?


He wrote that he hasn't and that she can stand up for herself. Even before I read that, I didn't need to. No woman reacts the way she did unless she has been left to her own accord many, many times.


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## GreenEyes

KJ5000 said:


> Punks like that NEVER act alone. The OP made the right move. People watch too many action films. A three on one situation means the ONE ends up in a hospital 99% of the time.
> 
> Calling you a coward is going to have some long lasting repercussions unless you're the type that let's things roll right off your shoulders.
> I think a long discusion with the wife is due.
> First up - Why is she still dressing like she's on the hunt?


In all fairness, she called him a coward, but he kind of insulted her as well for how she was dressed. 

I am married and a lot of times when I go out with my H I dress a little provocative for him, I want him to think I'm hot!!! I'm married, not dead!!!! And plus he kinda likes when I get attention from other people because it makes him feel good, they want me, he's got me


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## Therealbrighteyes

Angel5112 said:


> Seriously! Are we supposed to dress like nuns now that we are spoken for? I think not. The only man who ever told me how to dress was my dad...and I was 16.


You're a trollop, you hussy you.


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## Amplexor

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You're a trollop, you hussy you.



Kettle - Pot! You Strumpet. It's obvious from your avatar that your skirt is hemmed way too high. Bare calves, how trashy.


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## GreenEyes

Amplexor said:


> Kettle - Pot! You Strumpet. It's obvious from your avatar that your skirt is hemmed way too high. Bare calves, how trashy.


:lol:


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## Entropy3000

oneandonly2 said:


> your wife is starving for attention. she has issues not you. 3 on 1 .. no thanks. and any woman worth her salt would not want her man in that postition unless it was necessary.... and a few cat calls does not make it necessary .


Actually depending on the circumstances a man getting into a fight with a group of men doing this is risking the woman's safety. She could be assaulted or even raped.

My first thought in any potential conflict is my wife's safety. Circumstances matter. In most cases safety is not an issue, but I always interject myself between my wife and any "inappropriate" confrontation. I will always draw fire to myself. How I do that depends on the circumstances. Assess the real motivations of what is happening. How is this likely to escalate. Are there any weapons about and so on. What are the risks involved and so on. That said, going by past behavior, I would have said something. Then they have to reassess. I am generally pretty focused, calm and firm in these type of circumstances. The intended message is really a question. How bad do you want this? But I would never put my wife in jeopardy.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Amplexor said:


> Kettle - Pot! You Strumpet. It's obvious from your avatar that your skirt is hemmed way too high. Bare calves, how trashy.


Damn it! Forgot strumpet! The BEST word in the English language......ever. It is an insult, truly and yet reminds me of crumpet, a wonderful and delightful faux English muffin.
Pass me the butter!


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## sinnister

These situations are best measured by mitigating risk and analyzing motivation.

You did part 1 perfectly. The risk of 3-on-1 is not worth the reward of having your wife swoon over your dead corpse.

Part 2 is worth mentioning. For 3 grown men in this day and age to have the balls to make comments to a woman who is clearly with another man means they were prepared for the consequences.

"Prepared" means ready to go. You chose well.

Tell your wife eat a hornet.


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## chillymorn

I have a different take on this situation.

what he should have done was go over to the entrance of the movie theather and called thoes boys *ussies ( make sure your standing in view of the camera that all movie /store fronts have nowdays).and take the beating like a man then he could sue the movie theater for not having proper security,and the boys or their parents for assulting him. and anybody else he could blame.


maybe if he had a permitt to carry a 45 acp there would not be a problem .

maybe if his wife wasn't an evil bi*ch he wouldn't have a problem.

maybe if she dressed properly there wouldn't have been a problem.

before you women jump all over that last statment think of it this way if her dressing risky(for lack of a better term)is making him feel bad shouldn't she want to compromise or is this another double standard if a husband dose domething that make her wife feel bad isn't he supost consider her feelings?

me personaly I would have confronted them. by saying wich one of you pu$$ys want to try me first.

most time people like this are just airbags and don't really have the balls to back up their loud mouths. if if they all rushed me then the 45 comes out.

its always best to be perpared!! hollow points leave a nasty mark.


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## Kobo

I was in a similar situation about 2 months ago. I caught on early before the stupid cat calls started. Saw two guys staring hard at my wife. As in for more than 20 seconds as we walked from the resturaunt to my car. I just grabbed her hand and said "what's up fellas? Get a good look". Wife laughed, other patrons making their way in laughed. Went on with our night. 

You both sound like you have issues with respecting each other. She calls you a coward, you tell her she dresses like a ****. How can you guys expect to resolve issues when that's how you talk to each other?


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## Thor

Mistys dad said:


> I would have told her she was hot.
> 
> Found a quiet parking area.
> 
> Watched the submarine races.


:iagree:

In reality, I would ignore them. There is a saying "An armed society is a polite society", and I believe in being polite. There is no need to stir the hornet nest on this one if they are just being verbal without being vulgar.

I might make an appreciative comment to the guys like "Yeah and *I* get to take her home". Disarm them verbally.

In all seriousness I am ready and willing to defend myself and my family against a real threat. My family doesn't feel unprotected. A couple of jerky comments is not a real threat.


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## Therealbrighteyes

chillymorn said:


> I have a different take on this situation.
> 
> what he should have done was go over to the entrance of the movie theather and called thoes boys *ussies ( make sure your standing in view of the camera that all movie /store fronts have nowdays).and take the beating like a man then he could sue the movie theater for not having proper security,and the boys or their parents for assulting him. and anybody else he could blame.
> 
> 
> maybe if he had a permitt to carry a 45 acp there would not be a problem .
> 
> maybe if his wife wasn't an evil bi*ch he wouldn't have a problem.
> 
> maybe if she dressed properly there wouldn't have been a problem.
> 
> before you women jump all over that last statment think of it this way if her dressing risky(for lack of a better term)is making him feel bad shouldn't she want to compromise or is this another double standard if a husband dose domething that make her wife feel bad isn't he supost consider her feelings?
> 
> me personaly I would have confronted them. by saying wich one of you pu$$ys want to try me first.
> 
> most time people like this are just airbags and don't really have the balls to back up their loud mouths. if if they all rushed me then the 45 comes out.
> 
> its always best to be perpared!! hollow points leave a nasty mark.


So your suggestion is to "Act like a man" and take a beating in an effort to sue the movie theater? Oh. My. God. You know what women hate MORE than cowards........grifters. Wow. :rofl:


----------



## Entropy3000

chillymorn said:


> I have a different take on this situation.
> 
> what he should have done was go over to the entrance of the movie theather and called thoes boys *ussies ( make sure your standing in view of the camera that all movie /store fronts have nowdays).and take the beating like a man then he could sue the movie theater for not having proper security,and the boys or their parents for assulting him. and anybody else he could blame.
> 
> 
> maybe if he had a permitt to carry a 45 acp there would not be a problem .
> 
> maybe if his wife wasn't an evil bi*ch he wouldn't have a problem.
> 
> maybe if she dressed properly there wouldn't have been a problem.
> 
> before you women jump all over that last statment think of it this way if her dressing risky(for lack of a better term)is making him feel bad shouldn't she want to compromise or is this another double standard if a husband dose domething that make her wife feel bad isn't he supost consider her feelings?
> 
> me personaly I would have confronted them. by saying wich one of you pu$$ys want to try me first.
> 
> most time people like this are just airbags and don't really have the balls to back up their loud mouths. if if they all rushed me then the 45 comes out.
> 
> its always best to be perpared!! hollow points leave a nasty mark.


I did not bring up the dress thing because some folks like to go off on tangents about it but it does matter. The extreme matters. A woman can dress sexy and should not be in fear of unwanted comments. That said, if she is dressing like a real skank then that is less than helpful.

Depending on the circumstances I might do the same thing but I would be prepared to escalate.

The first thing is to know where you are. If you hang out near ignorant people you get ignorant things happening.

So if your woman is sporting her lower back tattoo with a skirt that shows the bottom of her butt cheeks and she can't keep her girls inside her top then maybe just maybe there is some added risk for comment. You just better be ready for MMA night anytime you are out ....


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So your suggestion is to "Act like a man" and take a beating in an effort to sue the movie theater? Oh. My. God. You know what women hate MORE than cowards........grifters. Wow. :rofl:


Grifters. Nice. Bravo.

Do grifters hang out with skanks?


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> I did not bring up the dress thing because some folks like to go off on tangents about it but it does matter. The extreme matters. A woman can dress sexy and should not be in fear of unwanted comments. That said, if she is dressing like a real skank then that is less than helpful.
> 
> Depending on the circumstances I might do the same thing but I would be prepared to escalate.
> 
> The first thing is to know where you are. If you hang out near ignorant people you get ignorant things happening.


Um, yeah. The difference being he had no issue with her dressing like that when they left the house, only AFTER his manhood was called in to question. Nice try though.


----------



## Kobo

Entropy3000 said:


> I did not bring up the dress thing because some folks like to go off on tangents about it but it does matter. The extreme matters. A woman can dress sexy and should not be in fear of unwanted comments. That said, if she is dressing like a real skank then that is less than helpful.
> 
> Depending on the circumstances I might do the same thing but I would be prepared to escalate.
> 
> The first thing is to know where you are. If you hang out near ignorant people you get ignorant things happening.
> 
> So if your woman is sporting her lower back tattoo with a skirt that shows the bottom of her butt cheeks and she can't keep her girls inside her top then maybe just maybe there is some added risk for comment. You just better be ready for MMA night anytime you are out ....


You just had to do it didn't you?


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Um, yeah. The difference being he had no issue with her dressing like that when they left the house, only AFTER his manhood was called in to question. Nice try though.


Nice try to get me to defend him or her. I am not. I am suggesting that the decision was made when they left the house. Was this one of those meat market movie theatres?


----------



## Entropy3000

Kobo said:


> You just had to do it didn't you?


I had visons of the Barcelona hooker bars. Never been to Olongapo.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> Nice try to get me to defend him or her. I am not. I am suggesting that the decision was made when they left the house. Was this one of those meat market movie theatres?


You always go to the extremes, so you tell me. All places are meat markets and women just need to cover up, from the ankle up, once they are married. 
Do you also line your baseball cap with tin foil on the inside and out? Do you get better reception?


----------



## Lovebug501

As a woman, I would expect my husband to be mature and either ignore them or make some flippant comment like - "Yep, I'm one lucky man!" and leave it at that.

I'm a strong believer in if you dress in things that are going to get attention, it's because you want attention. You wife needs to grow up and bit and realize that violence solves nothing.

If the men made an attempt to touch me, that would be a different story... but even then... 3 on 1 make my flight response kick in. I don't want to end a good evening with police and ambulances.


----------



## Tall Average Guy

Therealbrighteyes said:


> He wrote that he hasn't and that she can stand up for herself. Even before I read that, I didn't need to. No woman reacts the way she did unless she has been left to her own accord many, many times.


He wrote that he has not physically fought for her and that she is independent. Both are true for my wife and I, yet I have stood up for her physically and verbally. 

I have also seen a woman criticize her boyfriend for standing up for her, because she "wasn't a little girl and could take care of herself." I want to know whether the OP has made any attempts to stand up for his wife in the past.


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> You always go to the extremes, so you tell me. All places are meat markets and women just need to cover up, from the ankle up, once they are married.
> Do you also line your baseball cap with tin foil on the inside and out? Do you get better reception?


I have been know to wear a propeller top with tin foil. Yes, there are pictures. The pyramid shape is the best though. Tin foil in an anechoic chamber is the best.

Sorry I was always taught to analyze circumstances by testing the extremes along with the continuum in between. Extermes can be more fun. I mean is that not what many posters want? To see what the TAM folks will do with a given situation?

I was not serious about the meat market. 

My point is that if this was the typical movie theatre I take my wife to I would probably not be worried about safety or too much big trouble in little china going on. You know ... errand boys for the wingcong. Anyway, given that I would have engaged. I guess it would depend on how my T level was that evening. If my wife was looking especially good to me, it would probably be elevated.


----------



## Entropy3000

Angel5112 said:


> Regardless, he told her she was asking for it because she dressed like a ****. Real nice. I wouldn't feel bad for calling him a coward after that comment.
> 
> If he had a problem with the way she was dressed, he should have asked her to change before they left the house. Although, I highly doubt her clothes or his lack of verbally reprimanding said cat callers are the real issue here. It says a lot that both spouses would be willing to stoop to such lows to hurt the other.


I just want to go on the record to state that I do not know the OP and while I will "protect" my wife, I will not protect him.

I like my wife to dress sexy ... not like a hooker mind you and would never use that as an excuse for .... anything. So no he gets no free pass. That said, there are women who say that the man has zero say so on how they dress. <grenade/> That is another thread.

Or as Trenton recently posted:


Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Tall Average Guy said:


> He wrote that he has not physically fought for her and that she is independent. Both are true for my wife and I, yet I have stood up for her physically and verbally.
> 
> I have also seen a woman criticize her boyfriend for standing up for her, because she "wasn't a little girl and could take care of herself." I want to know whether the OP has made any attempts to stand up for his wife in the past.


He wrote that he hasn't stood up for her. Either way, I am telling you as a woman that the reason she reacted the way she did, is because he HASN'T stood up for her before. Slice it, dice it anyway you want. Him telling her she dressed like a skank is just the final nail in his coffin of respect.


----------



## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> He wrote that he hasn't stood up for her. Either way, I am telling you as a woman that the reason she reacted the way she did, is because he HASN'T stood up for her before. Slice it, dice it anyway you want. Him telling her she dressed like a skank is just the final nail in his coffin of respect.


So you are saying there are bigger issues and this was just a trigger? A hit close to home trigger?

Is it all on him?


----------



## Unhappy2011

Didn't read all this thread, but a woman calling her man a coward is pretty much the equivalent of a man calling his woman fat or ugly.

One of those things you shouldn't say.


----------



## MSP

From what I read, the OP's wife criticized him first, before he said anything about how she dressed. And he didn't call her names, as far as I read it (he did that in his post, though). He said she should dress more appropriately. Not quite the same thing. 

I think some of the ladies here are twisting the flow of events to suit their agendas.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> So you are saying there are bigger issues and this was just a trigger? A hit close to home trigger?
> 
> Is it all on him?


Jesus. What have I written in this thread all along? You're pulling my leg right now.....aren't you?


----------



## GreenEyes

MSP said:


> From what I read, the OP's wife criticized him first, before he said anything about how she dressed. And he didn't call her names, as far as I read it (he did that in his post, though). He said she should dress more appropriately. Not quite the same thing.
> 
> I think some of the ladies here are twisting the flow of events to suit their agendas.


Well whatever he said she dressed like got edited out...so I don't think it was something nice...


----------



## MSP

GreenEyes said:


> Well whatever he said she dressed like got edited out...so I don't think it was something nice...


Yes, but I think that he didn't say it to her; he just wrote it here. And he didn't say anything about her clothing choices until after she'd criticized him first. That's important, because women here are saying that she called him names after he called her names.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

MSP said:


> From what I read, the OP's wife criticized him first, before he said anything about how she dressed. And he didn't call her names, as far as I read it (he did that in his post, though). He said she should dress more appropriately. Not quite the same thing.
> 
> I think some of the ladies here are twisting the flow of events to suit their agendas.


So she left the house wearing a robe and slippers and once they got to their destination, she tossed it all off and said "Ta Da" and he was shocked that she had that on in the first place? 
Yeah, didn't think so.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

MSP said:


> Yes, but I think that he didn't say it to her; he just wrote it here. And he didn't say anything about her clothing choices until after she'd criticized him first. That's important, because women here are saying that she called him names after he called her names.


Nobody here is saying that. What I am saying is that her reaction comes from not being defended in the past. Period. Don't lump me in to some category like I said something I didn't. I have maintained during this entire thread that this is just a sliver of a larger issue and yet men seem to focus on what she was wearing, including the OP.


----------



## Halien

Therealbrighteyes said:


> ... and yet men seem to focus on what she was wearing, including the OP.


Isn't that natural for us guys? We only care what they're wearing, right? I was wondering if she was confident enough to pull off a fuschia skirt in the winter? Or maybe open toes? I do pastels on Thursdays, but its because we do Miami Thursday in my work group....

[just trying to lighten it up!!!]


----------



## FrankKissel

She's a shrew for calling him a coward.
He's a douche for saying she deserved to be disrespected.

Sometimes both people really are to blame.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Kobo

MSP said:


> From what I read, the OP's wife criticized him first, before he said anything about how she dressed. And he didn't call her names, as far as I read it (he did that in his post, though). He said she should dress more appropriately. Not quite the same thing.
> 
> I think some of the ladies here are twisting the flow of events to suit their agendas.



shhhhhh. They'll know we're on to them.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Angel5112 said:


> His exact word were this;
> 
> 
> 
> Nobody is saying she called him a coward after he told her to dress more appropriately. All I said was that I wouldn't feel even slightly apologetic for calling him a coward after he said that little comment. Meaning that if I had called you a coward in the heat of the moment because 'whatever' was bothering me, I definitely feel justified now that you have basically told me that I was asking for it by dressing what you deem "inappropriate". It just proves that you really are a coward because they only way you can even defend yourself is by deflecting and taking pot shots.
> 
> That is all I was saying.


Yup.


----------



## Tall Average Guy

Therealbrighteyes said:


> He wrote that he hasn't stood up for her.


No, he did not (at least based on the current state of the posts). He said the following:

_defended her how? fought for her? if that's what you're asking then no i haven't..

but she has always been independent of mind, and doesn't need me to stick up for her most times. but this time was different, like she flipped the switch on me and now she's all pissed off _

I don't read that to me that he has not ever stood up for her. I only read it to be that he has not physically fought for her.



> Either way, I am telling you as a woman that the reason she reacted the way she did, is because he HASN'T stood up for her before. Slice it, dice it anyway you want. Him telling her she dressed like a skank is just the final nail in his coffin of respect.


While I don't necessarily disagree, I have seem first hand women who don't want their man to stick up for them. I want to know the full facts, not just read them into some terse posts, before reaching a conclusion.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

There are ways to stand up for someone, without coming to blows. In this case.....walk away, I get that. All I am saying is his wife's response sounds like a woman who is used to standing up for herself. That is all.


----------



## Entropy3000

Halien said:


> Isn't that natural for us guys? We only care what they're wearing, right? I was wondering if she was confident enough to pull off a fuschia skirt in the winter? Or maybe open toes? I do pastels on Thursdays, but its because we do Miami Thursday in my work group....
> 
> [just trying to lighten it up!!!]


Wow. Who posted that for Halien ...... :rofl:


----------



## Kobo

Tall Average Guy said:


> No, he did not (at least based on the current state of the posts). He said the following:
> 
> _defended her how? fought for her? if that's what you're asking then no i haven't..
> 
> but she has always been independent of mind, and doesn't need me to stick up for her most times. but this time was different, like she flipped the switch on me and now she's all pissed off _
> 
> I don't read that to me that he has not ever stood up for her. I only read it to be that he has not physically fought for her.


Reading comprehension, it does exist. TAM wouldn't be as much fun if used too often though. The OP messed up by being drawn down to his wife's level.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Tall Average Guy

Kobo said:


> Reading comprehension, it does exist. TAM wouldn't be as much fun if used too often though. *The OP messed up by being drawn down to his wife's level.*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I completely agree with this. No matter how tactfully put, blaming his wife and her clothing for the cat calls was dumb. That will get him no where fast.


----------



## Halien

Entropy3000 said:


> Wow. Who posted that for Halien ...... :rofl:


My wife said that my sense of humor is just subtle, and its not like it isn't funny... Still, when TRBE said that we men only care about what women wear, I couldn't resist. Honest, when we study the finely shaped woman as she passes, we're not checking out her caboose, we're only stunned that she hasn't gotten the message that pleated skirts are so yesterday!!!


----------



## Deejo

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Does anybody here REALLY think this was about 3 guys who heckled her or can you see the larger picture and her extreme reaction? Wow.


Like I said, catalyst event. That event likely created a waterfall effect for ANY other circumstance in their history where she felt unsafe, unimportant or ignored.

Doesnt mean that it is either correct or valid, but she felt strongly about it to the point of lashing out at him. So ... Valid or not, there is a bigger issue than the event itself.


----------



## bandit.45

Bogey,

The next time your wife fails to stick up for you in a social setting or when one of her girlfriends makes an offhand remark about you and she just sits there or laughs it off... go ahead and call her a coward. See how she likes it.


----------



## Sanity

I was in a situation like that years ago as a teen. Some drunk guy with his buddies at a concert were purposely rubbing up on my then GF. The drunk guy had an empty beer bottle in his hand waiting for me to make a move. A was measuring up to punch him when i noticed his three other drunk buddies. Im not superman folks. I promptly grabbed her and they started following and taunting. I headed to the the nearest policeman and told him what was going on and they arrested the ahole after they found a knife on one and a gun. Yes, a freaking gun.

Folks we live in dangerous times. I would defend my family to the death but will avoid conflict whenever possible.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Halien said:


> My wife said that my sense of humor is just subtle, and its not like it isn't funny... Still, when TRBE said that we men only care about what women wear, I couldn't resist. Honest, when we study the finely shaped woman as she passes, we're not checking out her caboose, we're only stunned that she hasn't gotten the message that pleated skirts are so yesterday!!!


Whoa. I never said men only care about what women wear. In fact, I believe men don't care what women wear at all. 

In the OP's case however, clearly this was a sneak attack. He didn't have a clue what was adorning her body and only after her being heckled, did he notice.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Deejo said:


> Like I said, catalyst event. That event likely created a waterfall effect for ANY other circumstance in their history where she felt unsafe, unimportant or ignored.
> 
> Doesnt mean that it is either correct or valid, but she felt strongly about it to the point of lashing out at him. So ... Valid or not, there is a bigger issue than the event itself.


Word.


----------



## Halien

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Whoa. I never said men only care about what women wear. In fact, I believe men don't care what women wear at all.
> 
> In the OP's case however, clearly this was a sneak attack. He didn't have a clue what was adorning her body and only after her being heckled, did he notice.


Sorry to derail the thread, but I had made a stupid joke on a previous page, deliberately misinterpreting your response. You were scolding Entropy for only caring about the way the wife was dressed, and not her calling him a coward. Sorry, I'll refrain from stupid jokes in the future - that one came from an old Steve Martin appearance on SNL.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

bandit.45 said:


> Bogey,
> 
> The next time your wife fails to stick up for you in a social setting or when one of her girlfriends makes an offhand remark about you and she just sits there or laughs it off... go ahead and call her a coward. See how she likes it.


I agree with this. I do. My husband and I don't exactly have a great marriage but I'll be damned if somebody says anything about him. Not a chance in hell. He's my husband and despite it all, I love him. No way would I sit by and let a bunch of people (especially friends) mock him. They sure wouldn't be my friends for long. They'd also leave with clumps of hair missing, but I'm scrappy like that. Okay, not really but if somebody pissed me off enough......


----------



## joe kidd

Therealbrighteyes said:


> I agree with this. I do. My husband and I don't exactly have a great marriage but I'll be damned if somebody says anything about him. Not a chance in hell. He's my husband and despite it all, I love him. No way would I sit by and let a bunch of people (especially friends) mock him. They sure wouldn't be my friends for long. They'd also leave with clumps of hair missing, but I'm scrappy like that. Okay, not really but if somebody pissed me off enough......


Agreed. It would have never come to Pidge calling me a coward in a situation like that. She would have said something to the guys herself. In fact I would most likely have to get in between her and them. She's feisty.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

joe kidd said:


> Agreed. It would have never come to Pidge calling me a coward in a situation like that. She would have said something to the guys herself. In fact I would most likely have to get in between her and them. She's feisty.


Yeah, me too but that's neither here nor there. Fact is, OP's wife felt he didn't defend her and no, now wasn't the time but there is little doubt in my mind that this was as Deejo said, a long series of events that lead up to this. 
Women want to KNOW that their man will protect them and that is shown on a daily basis. It isn't coming to fistcuffs, it is a small and simple showing that he can and will protect you. Sure, us strong women can handle our own but it is nice to know somebody has your back, just as we have yours.


----------



## chillymorn

Therealbrighteyes said:


> So your suggestion is to "Act like a man" and take a beating in an effort to sue the movie theater? Oh. My. God. You know what women hate MORE than cowards........grifters. Wow. :rofl:


you must have only read the first part of my post.....but thats typical of you!


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

chillymorn said:


> you must have only read the first part of my post.....but thats typical of you!


No, I stopped reading because my head exploded with all the spelling and grammar errors. Sorry, just can not.


----------



## chillymorn

Therealbrighteyes said:


> No, I skipped the rest because my brain explodes reading spelling errors. We got it, the wife is at fault. Cool. Move along.


move along who do you think you are a traffic cop?

if your heed expolides wen u reed speeling errore then you should be dead by now!


----------



## heartsbeating

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Women want to KNOW that their man will protect them and that is shown on a daily basis. It isn't coming to fistcuffs, it is a small and simple showing that he can and will protect you. Sure, us strong women can handle our own but it is nice to know somebody has your back, just as we have yours.


[sorry, side-tracking ramble about to begin] 

The other day at the dog-park, another big dog came in, started in on my dog who in return barked "Bring it!" even though this other dog could have pulverized him. I managed to call my dog away before it really escalated. The owner guy stayed at the top of the park, ignored the whole thing. 

Another dog-owner who I've seen there before, saw it happen and was annoyed by it. Said he considered going up to the other guy and basically telling him off for not being responsible for his dog. I realize this is also for the benefit of other dogs too, not just mine. He said he figured it might turn into a bar-fight scenario if he confronted the other guy (not sure why it'd need to get to that but anyway), and he asked if my dog was okay. Even though he decided not to say anything to the other owner, I'll admit I realized it felt like he had my back in some way (lol at the dog park). Yes, I'm laughing at myself while writing about the dog park. I could have said something to the other owner myself if I'd wanted but as minor as this situation was, it was nice to know someone else had even _thought_ about handling it on my behalf. Which is why I agree with TRBE and especially if it's one's husband. 

But maybe she even needed him to stand up to her to show her that he can?

I trust the way my H deals with situations, he's defended me before, and there's no way I'd expect him to react to the OP's scenario. I also wouldn't say anything or acknowledge the men myself. I'd expect to ignore it for both of our safety.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

chillymorn said:


> move along who do you think you are a traffic cop?
> 
> if your heed expolides wen u reed speeling errore then you should be dead by now!


Let's not t/j this anymore. Hey, for what it's worth...I don't bother with people I don't like or find some quality about. I dig you and like that you fight back with oftentimes pithy comments. I mean that with all sincerity.


----------



## sinnister

I guess I'm coming from a perspective where I've lost people...yes they are dead - from what started out as simple misunderstandings. When grown men get to fighting you don't think about consequences you think about winning anyway you can.

So now I think to myself, why would anybody risk getting into it with a guy who looks like me (I'm not attractive but I'm physically imposing) over something as small as making comments about my wifes appearance. What gives them the confidence that I won't try to start something? Could they be armed?

It's not about protecting honor it's not 1535. It's 2012, it's about survival. One less husband/father dead for a silly reason.


----------



## chillymorn

sinnister said:


> I guess I'm coming from a perspective where I've lost people...yes they are dead - from what started out as simple misunderstandings. When grown men get to fighting you don't think about consequences you think about winning anyway you can.
> 
> So now I think to myself, why would anybody risk getting into it with a guy who looks like me (I'm not attractive but I'm physically imposing) over something as small as making comments about my wifes appearance. What gives them the confidence that I won't try to start something? Could they be armed?
> 
> It's not about protecting honor it's not 1535. It's 2012, it's about survival. One less husband/father dead for a silly reason.



yes tragic things can happen when this sort of thing esculates out of control.

but you can't live in a bubble either and each and every person decides for themselves where they draw the line on this sorta confrontation.


with that said driving to work in a car is far more dangerous along with many other activities we do on a daily basis.

smoking poor, eating habits, not exercising regularly,

the world is a dangerous place.


----------



## mr.miketastic

My bet is that had he bowed up to the 3 guys, his wife would have called him an a$$hle or a neanderthal. Don't fall for zero-sum games


----------



## Deejo

Halien alluded to this with his circumstance, and another poster indicated a similar situation where he pulled in a cop, and the cat-calling perp had a weapon.

I used to work with inner city juvenile offenders. Some were dyed in the wool gang-bangers, others were over entitled suburban wannabes. Some were dangerous becasuse that is who they were ... and how they survived. The other kind could be dangerous due to pure stupidity.

You either have a sense for who is dangerous or you don't. And if you don't, then tread very carefully.

Gotta be about 22 years ago, my youngest brother and a buddy of his got jumped on a subway platform in town by about six or seven kids. He ducked, covered, and took it. He told me later, that the kid that started the whole thing was small, couldn't have been more than 13 or 14. I told him he did the right thing, and that the 'kid' without doubt, had a gun.


----------



## Entropy3000

Deejo said:


> Halien alluded to this with his circumstance, and another poster indicated a similar situation where he pulled in a cop, and the cat-calling perp had a weapon.
> 
> I used to work with inner city juvenile offenders. Some were dyed in the wool gang-bangers, others were over entitled suburban wannabes. Some were dangerous becasuse that is who they were ... and how they survived. The other kind could be dangerous due to pure stupidity.
> 
> You either have a sense for who is dangerous or you don't. And if you don't, then tread very carefully.
> 
> Gotta be about 22 years ago, my youngest brother and a buddy of his got jumped on a subway platform in town by about six or seven kids. He ducked, covered, and took it. He told me later, that the kid that started the whole thing was small, couldn't have been more than 13 or 14. I told him he did the right thing, and that the 'kid' without doubt, had a gun.


This is an excellent point. Sometimes they have the little guy do the taunting. When they are saying things about your woman they are really calling you out. You have to assess the situation. Being mature and putting her safety first is not being a coward. I think they call this being street savvy. Being able assess what is really going down.


----------



## Entropy3000

sinnister said:


> I guess I'm coming from a perspective where I've lost people...yes they are dead - from what started out as simple misunderstandings. When grown men get to fighting you don't think about consequences you think about winning anyway you can.
> 
> So now I think to myself, why would anybody risk getting into it with a guy who looks like me (I'm not attractive but I'm physically imposing) over something as small as making comments about my wifes appearance. What gives them the confidence that I won't try to start something? Could they be armed?
> 
> It's not about protecting honor it's not 1535. It's 2012, it's about survival. One less husband/father dead for a silly reason.


Getting into a scuffle is juvenile at best. You cannot be afraid however. That invites bigger problems.

The thing is if you are going to confront, you have better be all in or all out. Fight or flight applies here.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Here's the thing the woman needs to understand.
SHE was in the position of power, as to subtle things she could have done to show the guys what was what, like putting a hand on your ass while walking away. Instead she chose to feel attacked and to need someone else do something about it (take the risks) on the spur of the moment (take the risks without thinking). See, for me, real power might be, being with a guy who wants to cause trouble for having his turf verbally invaded, and being able to ask that this not happen. The issue here is why a human being would (1) want to have a physical fight start when it can be avoided (2) think that they are worth someone else possibly going to jail for or at least going to court for or if not that the police station. Or after just not being in the mood for loving. (After he gets the cr*p beat out of him, kissing her will be the last thing on his mind...) I just don't get that kind of thinking. Will it prevent future attacks, is it going to change her feelings or help her if she's alone and these same three guys say the same things to her? I'm not naive, when I was young I lived in San Antonio, Phoenix and DC. I think I have a feel for what warrants a fight (being able to win is always a consideration...knowing whether someone is armed is another...) If a woman wants to go out dressed provocatively, I think she needs to learn how to handle herself. You wouldn't drive a race car at 120 miles an hour without training, if you want to be showing some skin, expect comments and learn how to handle them. It's wrong to use someone as protection or to do the stuff you should learn to do for yourself. If she doesn't like those kind of comments, have her look around and pay attention to all the ones who don't holler, the pervs, the security cameras with pervs or bored guys watching late at night (unsupervised), the old men who just want something to look at and dream about...the kids who wish she was their mom... My guess is she has to do some growing up about clothes and the person who wears them. First be a confident person who can take care of themselves socially, then wear the clothes that fit that confidence. If she thinks she is going to get power by looking good, she's mistaken. That's not sold in catalogs.

By the way, I have rescued a guy named Eric in a bar...we were part of a French conversational group, he went to the bar to get himself a beer and this guy starts bullying him, working him up into a provocation so he could start a fight. Eric had no clue how to save himself, so I went to order myself something, bought this other guy a drink, chummed up to him a bit and then put my hand on Eric's shoulder and said, thanks for the conversation, I need my friend back, talk to you later, okay? Of course, I never did! What, the guy's gonna deck me for being with someone? I'm a tiny woman. But I don't need brawn to be in control, and I don't need borrowed brawn either.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Lordy. Point missed. This had nothing to do with him being unwilling to take on 3 guys. Nothing.


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## Entropy3000

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Here's the thing the woman needs to understand.
> SHE was in the position of power, as to subtle things she could have done to show the guys what was what, like putting a hand on your ass while walking away. Instead she chose to feel attacked and to need someone else do something about it (take the risks) on the spur of the moment (take the risks without thinking). See, for me, real power might be, being with a guy who wants to cause trouble for having his turf verbally invaded, and being able to ask that this not happen. The issue here is why a human being would (1) want to have a physical fight start when it can be avoided (2) think that they are worth someone else possibly going to jail for or at least going to court for or if not that the police station. Or after just not being in the mood for loving. (After he gets the cr*p beat out of him, kissing her will be the last thing on his mind...) I just don't get that kind of thinking. Will it prevent future attacks, is it going to change her feelings or help her if she's alone and these same three guys say the same things to her? I'm not naive, when I was young I lived in San Antonio, Phoenix and DC. I think I have a feel for what warrants a fight (being able to win is always a consideration...knowing whether someone is armed is another...) If a woman wants to go out dressed provocatively, I think she needs to learn how to handle herself. You wouldn't drive a race car at 120 miles an hour without training, if you want to be showing some skin, expect comments and learn how to handle them. It's wrong to use someone as protection or to do the stuff you should learn to do for yourself. If she doesn't like those kind of comments, have her look around and pay attention to all the ones who don't holler, the pervs, the security cameras with pervs or bored guys watching late at night (unsupervised), the old men who just want something to look at and dream about...the kids who wish she was their mom... My guess is she has to do some growing up about clothes and the person who wears them. First be a confident person who can take care of themselves socially, then wear the clothes that fit that confidence. If she thinks she is going to get power by looking good, she's mistaken. That's not sold in catalogs.
> 
> By the way, I have rescued a guy named Eric in a bar...we were part of a French conversational group, he went to the bar to get himself a beer and this guy starts bullying him, working him up into a provocation so he could start a fight. Eric had no clue how to save himself, so I went to order myself something, bought this other guy a drink, chummed up to him a bit and then put my hand on Eric's shoulder and said, thanks for the conversation, I need my friend back, talk to you later, okay? Of course, I never did! What, the guy's gonna deck me for being with someone? I'm a tiny woman. But I don't need brawn to be in control, and I don't need borrowed brawn either.


Bravo.

Now as for Eric. I hear you. But if I was him I would have been humiliated if you had to suck up to the bully. That is a tad emascualting, but fine. You were there and saved his butt.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Lordy. Point missed. This had nothing to do with him being unwilling to take on 3 guys. Nothing.


----------



## the guy

My wife gets cat calls the sad thing is she propably knows them. My standard remark to my W is " I'll take the big one, you take the rest"
I get a smile and she pulls me along.


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## Halien

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Lordy. Point missed. This had nothing to do with him being unwilling to take on 3 guys. Nothing.


That was my take on it too. Seriously, what kind of guy forgets to record an incident like that for his wife's Facebook page? The nerve of that guy!!! All her friends would be soooo envious if they saw that she still had it in her ....

Oh... wait, it was about him not protecting her in the past, right?


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## Entropy3000

the guy said:


> *My wife gets cat calls the sad thing is she propably knows them. *My standard remark to my W is " I'll take the big one, you take the rest"
> I get a smile and she pulls me along.


You are killing me.


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno

Entropy3000 said:


> Bravo.
> 
> Now as for Eric. I hear you. But if I was him I would have been humiliated if you had to suck up to the bully. That is a tad emascualting, but fine. You were there and saved his butt.


For post above this one, I hope that poster didn't think I had no understanding of the OP's issue? 

Poor Eric was grateful and impressed. He was scared and that's why i helped out. In NH some nice guys have no experience with street smarts, this was a French language meetup in a town with shifting and/or shared demographics...now that I think of it he was definitely from out of town, and a programmer (like me), so I knew he needed some help. It would have been wrong for me not to, he was def going to be off his barstool very soon. And I think maybe he was gay and that's why this other guy was looking to start a fight. To do a hate crime without it being called such.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


>


Gotta say, it baffles me that you agreed with the sentiment that she brought this on herself by the way she dressed. This sounds dangerously close to blaming the victim and I am not comfortable doing that. I have seen men heckle and yell at women wearing jeans, sweats, khaki slacks, tennis shoes, flip flops, etc. Bottom line is, 3 jerks acted like jerks and they would have acted the same way if she was wearing a burlap sack because well.....many people lack manners, have no social skills nor care to, treat women like objects and are stupid.


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## Halien

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> For post above this one, I hope that poster didn't think I had no understanding of the OP's issue?
> 
> Poor Eric was grateful and impressed. He was scared and that's why i helped out. In NH some nice guys have no experience with street smarts, this was a French language meetup in a town with shifting and/or shared demographics...now that I think of it he was definitely from out of town, and a programmer (like me), so I knew he needed some help. It would have been wrong for me not to, he was def going to be off his barstool very soon. And I think maybe he was gay and that's why this other guy was looking to start a fight. To do a hate crime without it being called such.


Maybe someday we'll have a thread about how awesome it is to be rescued by a woman. I was a dumb street kid when I went to college, and I remembered a black haired woman, a grad student, who lit into me for opening the door for her in the science library. Weeks later, in the same library, I was being cornered by two angry librarians for using the booths reserved for grad students, and the same woman came to my rescue. I felt like standing behind her and saying, "what she said!!!" as she explained that only an imbecile would complain when the booths were not even marked in the first place. Honest, I jokingly asked her to marry me.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Gotta say, it baffles me that you agreed with the sentiment that she brought this on herself by the way she dressed. This sounds dangerously close to blaming the victim and I am not comfortable doing that. I have seen men heckle and yell at women wearing jeans, sweats, khaki slacks, tennis shoes, flip flops, etc. Bottom line is, 3 jerks acted like jerks and they would have acted the same way if she was wearing a burlap sack because well.....many people lack manners, have no social skills nor care to, treat women like objects and are stupid.


What may baffle you is that I can see validity in many seemingly opposing views that I do not see as contradictory. We live in a complex world. 

I am also very much this -> Protector. Not completely. But a lot.

I liked the comments about what a woman can do in a situation. They were vaild for the most part IMO.

I don't think we know how she was dressed. It does matter from some perspective.  We already covered whether he was ok with her dressing this way when he left.

They probably were three jerks. I probably would have said something because ... I don't take [email protected] from people in general. But if you insult my wife you are asking for big trouble. But her safety is paramount. I think therefore I am ....

We covered that you feel he had not stould up for her in the past. Very valid possibilty. Interesting perspective.

I don't see this as an either or situation. I think they both are wrong in different ways. 

But maybe she was jsut giving him a fitness test.

Without more information I think it is likely they both failed this test. A woman calling her man a coward is serious stuff.


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## heartsbeating

Entropy3000 said:


> Without more information I think it is likely they both failed this test. A woman calling her man a coward is serious stuff.


As is a man saying his wife looks like a slvt - even if it was a possible defense mechanism afterwards. 

Taking a slightly different look at it, she felt disrespected from the jerks, then felt let-down/disrespected by her husband's action or inaction (not suggesting he should have done anything differently here, other than how he handled her question afterwards, and of course it's likely deeper to her than just that scenario anyway), and then likely felt disrespected/put-down yet again when he criticized her dress sense.


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## Entropy3000

heartsbeating said:


> *As is a man saying his wife looks like a slvt - even if it was a possible defense mechanism afterwards. *
> 
> Taking a slightly different look at it, she felt disrespected from the jerks, then felt let-down/disrespected by her husband's action or inaction (not suggesting he should have done anything differently here, other than how he handled her question afterwards, and of course it's likely deeper to her than just that scenario anyway), and then likely felt disrespected/put-down yet again when he criticized her dress sense.


Agreed. 

So I wonder what date night will bring for them this week.

What a great thread as it did not have anyhting to do with Facebook, texting, or affairs.

I think my biggest problem with this however, is that I don't really feel motivated in favor of one side of the other here.


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## Therealbrighteyes

heartsbeating said:


> As is a man saying his wife looks like a slvt - even if it was a possible defense mechanism afterwards.
> 
> Taking a slightly different look at it, she felt disrespected from the jerks, then felt let-down/disrespected by her husband's action or inaction (not suggesting he should have done anything differently here, other than how he handled her question afterwards, and of course it's likely deeper to her than just that scenario anyway), and then likely felt disrespected/put-down yet again when he criticized her dress sense.


Stop talking sense, Hearts! It's about his being unwilling to be turned in to ground veal.


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## Therealbrighteyes

Entropy3000 said:


> Agreed.
> 
> So I wonder what date night will bring for them this week.


She'll never dress up around him again and in 6 months he will be back moaning that she doesn't care about her appearance.


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## Entropy3000

Therealbrighteyes said:


> She'll never dress up around him again and in 6 months he will be back moaning that she doesn't care about her appearance.


Very possible. I wonder where they went?

Maybe she should have beaten him up in front of those guys. 

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


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## Halien

On a site like this, there is often "the correct answer", and then "what I would really do". I admit that I avoid my real thoughts on it because I don't think it applies to most people. I'm very focused on behaving with honor because I grew up among a small native american community, but both parents were also half white. I don't think another person, or persons, has the right to project their insults into my private life. I also know pretty well how to pick out the dangerous ones, how to fight when a person has a knife or baton, and how to remove a gun from a situation. I've faced them all on the streets.

That said, if this were my current community, its very naive to think that this would have to turn into a fight. Especially in the midwest, just telling them kindly to take it down a notch would result in some low level murmuring, and not much else. If I was in the city, rules change. I'd walk away, like my wife and I did in downtown Detroit, when it was highly likely that one or more was carrying a weapon. The guys stopped me because I said nothing, and I whispered to my wife to get my friend from the car, my telescoping hardened steel baton, which was our only weapon allowed in a protection job in college. The guys decided that facing this new surprise wasn't worth their time.

Still, a few guys in a movie theatre in my current locale don't necessarily signify physical conflict, because most of them in my area have only seen them in TV. They're more likely young guys who use the fact that everyone walks away to step up their game for the next woman who walks by. But if my wife isn't in danger, I will not let them project their insults like that without a response. To me, it feels like doing so would be like giving up on everything I was taught that I am supposed to stand for. Especially since I look like a linebacker, walking away only encourages the ones who are looking for trouble.

Seems only common sense that women look at the characteristics of the man they are with before marrying them. One situation like the OPs only demeans her, because she very likely chose a guy who wasn't a neanderthall like me, someone who would respect her independance in every aspect of her life, including this.


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## trey69

To the OP, hows things? Wife still pissed? Or are things working out?


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## bogey

trey69 said:


> To the OP, hows things? Wife still pissed? Or are things working out?


not good. she's giving me the cold shoulder still even though i've apologized numerous times. and to be honest i'm still a little pissed over the coward comment. we're being civil to eachother right now but its still kinda cold..


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## Tall Average Guy

bogey said:


> not good. she's giving me the cold shoulder still even though i've apologized numerous times. and to be honest i'm still a little pissed over the coward comment. we're being civil to eachother right now but its still kinda cold..


Have you addressed the issues with her? Why she called you a coward and why you blamed her because of how she dressed?


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## mr.miketastic

bogey said:


> not good. she's giving me the cold shoulder still even though i've apologized numerous times. and to be honest i'm still a little pissed over the coward comment. we're being civil to eachother right now but its still kinda cold..


According to some (blatant hyperbole coming) Bogey also cause the black plague, the red-scare, the patriarchy, and every other unfortunate event in the past based off of his original post (see what I did thar?)
They need MC. Bogey...Apologize once, if it keeps getting brought up explain you have apologized and if she can't move past it then she needs to pack and go. No one, man or woman, needs to be in a relationship with that much contempt.


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## CallaLily

Wow bogey sorry she is still upset about this. It must have been really important to her. However, you can't go back and change things now. 

Maybe try some MC, you think she would be up for that? This sounds like it goes beyond you not sticking up for her the other night. It sounds like some other issues are going on and the other night was just what sealed the deal for her as far as how she is feeling. if she can't talk to you about whats going on maybe a third party like a MC can help?


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## heartsbeating

^ and this is why it goes beyond just that scenario. Sounds like there's some scratching beneath the surface to be done.

Based on that incident alone, I'd only see the need for apology for making it about her clothing. If that's an issue for you, that could have been addressed another time. I'd also see that she owes you an apology for calling you a coward. There's no one-side to this. 

Maybe she just needs to know that you're important to her and that you respect her. Of course, it's likely you need the same thing in return.


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## desert-rose

bogey said:


> to the ladies of this board: how would you want your man to react in this situation?


You were not being cowardly, just being sensible.

That's actually happened to me and WH before, but it was two guys and it was in a grocery store parking lot and I really was dressed like a **** (intentionally to get WH's attention). WH glared at them. I was flattered by the attention and jokingly said to WH, "see....and you get to go home with me, so show me that you're happy about it when we get there." Alas, he really did prefer the porn and the cheating; he liked the chase and there was no more chase because we got married so I ceased to be a conquest and instead became a nuisance. He was very protective, though, and if anyone looked like they were going to make a move to cause trouble, he'd get territorial and square up to fight and I did like that. Unfortunately, I often worried that he'd get into fights, as well, and wished sometimes that he'd be less aggressive. I doubt your wife would want that, instead.

Thinking about your situation, it sounds like your wife is just looking for some drama -- or some validation. I think you said the right thing. It's not like she was in any real danger. Besides, I'm sure that if those guys had actually stepped toward her or presented a real problem, you probably would have done your best to protect her. Maybe she is just indicating that she wants a romantic gesture from you. It would have been really immature to pick a fight with three guys over that. Guys can be jerks, but, it's essentially a compliment, right? Though, you shouldn't have said she deserved catcalls for her choice in clothes, which wasn't nice or supportive; it's likely that she dressed up for you and not others and didn't like that they were looking at her that way. But, it would be different if she were alone and people were catcalling that because that becomes dangerous in a more serious way. Is she really upset about the event or upset because she's afraid you wouldn't protect her in an imaginary scenario where it got worse than just a bunch of annoying attention? Has she been threatened or harmed by guys before? If so, this could be a trigger for her and maybe she felt afraid and just wanted you to make her feel safe and it didn't happen. Also, people only call other people cowards when they're afraid themselves or really mad about something else, so you might try finding out what her anger was really about. Just suggesting what I think.


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## Nigel

No offence meant but your wife doesn't sound very intelligent to me. I would defend my wife to the death if she was in danger, however if I even attempted to physically confront a group who made some harmless comments about her backside she would probably attack me herself. Most sensible and caring women want to feel protected, but they also want their man to be safe as well. Fighting 3 yobs on your own (even if your a hard case) is a tall order. The chanes are you would have been battered and there is also a chance that you may have been killed oe seriously injured. How would your wife fel then? Responsible is the correct answer, but from what you have said about her, she'd probably think you were a wimp instead of a coward because you were unable to defend her honour!! I'd seriously consider her character traits if I were you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## YinPrincess

She dresses provocatively, then doesn't want the attention? My @$$. 

I think maybe she just wants your attention as well... Perhaps you've become too comfortable? 

Defending her honor... You did just that - she didn't have to drive you to the hospital after getting your butt kicked by some rude guys.

I think you handled this maturely. Seems like she may have just wanted a show...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sinnister

wifeofhusband said:


> It would be nice if my husband said something quietly to me that indicated he was pleased I was all his under those circumstances. No point looking for a fight. If he said absolutely nothing to me and ignored it completely I suppose I'd feel he was a bit passive.


Understood. But try not to take silence for weakness. We men have an innate characteristic to want to protect what we perceive as "ours". It takes a tremendous amount of inner strength to NOT react.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

...


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## canttrustu

Actually that did happen. My husband put his hand on my ass and walked on. It was AWESOME!


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## YinPrincess

The more I read this thread the more irritated I get. What did she expect you to do? 

34 days after we were married, my husband and I were robbed at gunpoint in a parking lot. With hubby being a highly skilled martial artist, everyone's first reaction was how come he didn't do anything, (the gun was pointed at my head - to force him to comply). Everyone expected him to be Jet Li or something and kick some @$$. Well, later he would take me aside and say that he was in such fear for my life that he didn't want to escalate things; that he didn't want me to get hurt. He said this with tears in his eyes, and my husband is not an emotional person. I told him there was no need to explain himself, that I understood, and that I'm glad that he was calm and cool - because I was frightened and on the verge of hysteria. Had he escalated things who knows what could have happened. Being calm and not reacting is why we are here today.

I realize this is a more extreme example, but the fact of the matter is, you didn't know those guys or what they were capable of. Even mouthing off to them could have had bad consequences for you and her! I hope she understands that! Real life isn't like the movies - sometimes you just have to keep your mouth shut and walk away. I commend you on not provoking them further, and she should be the one apologizing to you! She has a mouth, she could have said something, but did she? Ugh!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## desert-rose

sinnister said:


> Understood. But try not to take silence for weakness. We men have an innate characteristic to want to protect what we perceive as "ours". It takes a tremendous amount of inner strength to NOT react.


Women, too, have the capacity to wield their ferocity in a protective and territorial capacity. Many women choose to give that over to their men, if their men prove worthy of that submission (which is, every time, a choice). 

I agree, though, that silence is definitely not the same as weakness. There is sometimes strategy in it. The ability to control once prowess is more remarkable than the fireworks and volatility of uncontrolled aggression; the later comes from fear, but the former from sense. 

Your actions were not cowardly, but....blaming your wife's clothing was a bit lacking in composure.


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## F-102

Mmmm...has anyone read bogey's other posts? He slammed his W into a wall during an argument.


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## desert-rose

F-102 said:


> Mmmm...has anyone read bogey's other posts? He slammed his W into a wall during an argument.


Now that is a bad, bad thing. Bogey, if that's true, then it is possible that her reference to your "cowardice" stems from her disappointment in your ability to protect her from your own anger. If want to prove that you're a good protector who is heroic and courageous, then don't be the attacker. It bears actually thinking about. If you really did slam her into the wall, then please get anger management counseling and never touch her in anger and please get your wife into individual counseling. There's a fine line between liking things rough and being in an abusive situation with the one you love and slamming someone into a wall in anger crosses that line....


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## Archie

Dude,
People are @$$holes, especially if they have an audience.
I think every man worth his salt has that magical line, where if it's crossed, somebody's going down, one way or the other. I know I do.
It truly IS our job to defend our wife with our life and it always will be.
That said, we only have one life to lay down, so it's in everybody's best interest if we pick and choose our battles.
A coulple glaring observations regarding your post:
*Is your wife in the habit of dressing provacatively when she's going to be out in public?
*After referring to you as a "coward", did she later apologize?
If the latter hasn't taken place yet, I'd ask for that and expect her to be sincere about it. If you don't get it, bigger issues are involved and only you can find out what they are.
Grabbing her ass with something like this verbal harrassment going on would've just added a second offense to the situation; nothing to be gained there but further alienation.
To summarize this: Chivalry is NOT dead!
Neither is sound tactical rationale.


----------



## Love Song

My husband has been trained in martial arts since he was young. My point? I know he would have a good shot at taking on 3 guys. But I would be too worried anyway, I wouldn't want him fighting one guy let alone three.

Some women take that as meaning there partners care/love them, when they defend them. If she was pissed off with you, she probably feels that you don't show her you care for her and love her on a regular basis. She sounds insecure and being that your with her, you should try doing things to make her feel more secure with you while encouraging her to be secure in herself.


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## Bobby5000

I know first-hand about a similar situation. A guy and his son went to a concert. The son was drunk, said something to a group of guys, got in an argument and the father came out to help. BOOM, a guy hits him with a bat and knocks him unconscious, the other keep hitting him, and the mother ran out, crying for them to stop before they kill him. 

He suffered multiple facial fractures and has pain while eating and doing other things. 

This is what your lovely wife wanted for you. To preserve her self-esteem, having you beaten up by three guys was a small price to pay. Assuming the police came, you might have a criminal record for assault, which could cause you to lose your job or be ineligible for positions in certain industries. 

She is one screwed up, insecure, nasty, self-centered broad. 
Apologize to her? I'd think twice about having children with someone who was that mean and self-centered.


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## Bobby5000

Let me modify this. If he hit his wife in an argument, then we have two dysfunctional people. If her point is that you're tough enough to hit her, but scared of someone your own size, that's a fair point.


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## desert-rose

Bobby5000 said:


> Let me modify this. If he hit his wife in an argument, then we have two dysfunctional people. If her point is that you're tough enough to hit her, but scared of someone your own size, that's a fair point.


If she's feeling like you're shoving her around, this might indeed be her line of thought. If you're doing so, you've got an anger problem and she's got a drama problem; yes, that's some big dysfunction and you guys should not ignore it, but address it. You're not alone; this isn't uncommon; and, if you both want things to get better, then work together at the problem, and they will get better.


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## Dar-li

in defence of your "cherry lady", you must avoid the 'ghetto' areas


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## LadyFrog

bogey said:


> because I supposedly didnt 'defend her honor'.
> 
> while walking out of a movie theater to my car these three guys made some comments about her, basically hooting and hollering saying she was hot and had a nice ass or whatever. We just ignored them and went on our way. She says one of them was cat-calling but I don't remember hearing it. When driving home she asked me why I didn't say anything to 'defend her honor'. I guess she expected me to fight these three guys to prove I cared for her or something. I tried to explain to her that this is real life and three-on-one is almost a guaranteed trip to the hospital but she's still a little pissed at me for not doing anything. honestly, what did she want me to do? take them all on at once? I told her maybe if she dressed more appropriately men would have more respect for her. It's not my fault she dresses like a **** sometimes..
> 
> to the ladies of this board: how would you want your man to react in this situation?
> 
> to the men: how would _you_ react to this situation?


Calling you a coward was mean and rude and uncalled for.

Several years ago dh and I stopped in at a bar for snacks and a drink with another couple we are friends with. We walked past two guys leaning up against the bar and one of them made a blatantly sexual comment to me. I heard and ignored. Dh heard also. In two seconds the fight was on. It didn't last as the bouncers were on them immediately. They got kicked out but I've never forgotten it as it reminds me how quickly fights can start and spiral out of control.

Over something like what you described, you made the right call. Three against one is not a fair fight and these days in a situation like that everyone is going to jail. NOT worth it.

She should just take it as a compliment and leave it alone.


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## Dar-li

you talk as if the fight is the only manner in that area....
and if not so, try to be nice with people to 'offer' your sex and try to 'tame' them....


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## desert-rose

Dar-li said:


> you talk as if the fight is the only manner in that area....
> and if not so, try to be nice with people to 'offer' your sex and try to 'tame' them....


I'm sorry, but your comment doesn't make sense....To whom should the OP be offering sex? Who is it that you think the OP should be taming? In what ways would diversionary sex or domination be useful in building a healthier balance of power based on mutual respect between the OP and his wife?


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