# Feeling trapped and lost



## karma (May 7, 2009)

OK, where to start...H and I have been married for about 7 months after being together for 4 years. Its been a tough 7 months, we constantly fight about stupid sh*t, we can't go through a week w/o fighting about something. The main topic of fighting is a baby. He wants a baby _*now*_, it's all he ever talks about. I admit that right before we got married I was on board w/ getting prego right away, but after the wedding I realized 'what's the rush?'. I would love to try to go back to school and that would be very hard or near impossible to do if we had a baby. Every time I try to tell him how I feel about the situation, he gets all hot headed and mad. He's like a kid in a toy store screaming "I want! I want! I want!" when it comes to a baby. It just feels like he doesn't respect my decisions. Plus since we've been fighting so much, I'm worried that something may happen to us and I wouldn't want to bring a child into a relationship where we are fighting all the time. He seems to think that a baby would fix everything...but it wont...but I can't tell him that, cause he wont hear me...he'll listen..but it doesn't absorb what I'm saying, its like talking to friggin wall. We keep going in circles about everything..we just fight about the same stuff over and over and over again. Another problem is he's addicted to sex, if we don't have sex then he'll use porn to take care of himself..but its on an everyday basis. Sometimes it seems like he gets mad or annoyed if I don't want to have sex. He says he doesn't but the comments he makes sometimes says otherwise. Sometimes I really wonder if I made a mistake in getting married. Now that I am, I realize that there are a lot of things that I want to do but may never get the chance too. I'm a solitary person by nature and being married just makes me feel so trapped. He's up my butt about everything. He calls me if I'm not home when he expects me to be. He actually came to my work one day to make sure I was there. Plus on top of all that, we're hurting financially. We are in a lot of debt, and I am the one who does the finances so I have that stress as well. Sometimes it just feels like I can't breath, like I'm suffocating from everything. I just don't know what to do, I'm so lost.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

it does sound like you have a lot going on. i can understand why he's upset about the baby issues, though. you told him prior to getting married that you wanted one, and then reneged after everything was signed and sealed. from his point of view he probably feels really deceived. im not saying you are wrong in changing your mind, i think its great you arent going through with it if you arent ready, im just saying i can understand how he might feel pretty deceived and hurt about the whole thing. that's probably where a lot of your fighting stems from. try and see it from his point of view first.

his constant need and agitation over sex would worry me. it does not sound like a very loving environment. i dont really know what to tell ya there except that i think he probably has some underlying emotional problems. 

why does he check up on you? has he been cheated on in the past? sounds like he has some severe insecurity issues. anyone in your situation would feel like running. you have to start setting some consequences for that kind of behavior. you'll have to get tough with him. make sure you tell him exactly how that kind of behavior affects you, but more importantly let him know what you are going to do to protect your emotional health if he doesnt cut it out.


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## Greatermindset (Oct 13, 2008)

Looking at both sides, the husband suggests he is insecure and is afraid of loosing you. The baby is in a way a method of locking you down. It's clearly the wrong reason to have the baby.

While at the same time, you value security and beleive that taking a job will help the family. This in turn makes the husband more insecure cause you're now working and interacting with people which may threaten his relationship with you.

Now I may be wrong about this. This is just my opinion.


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## GAsoccerman (Mar 24, 2008)

how old are you both?


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

karma said:


> OK, where to start...H and I have been married for about 7 months after being together for 4 years. Its been a tough 7 months, we constantly fight about stupid sh*t, we can't go through a week w/o fighting about something. The main topic of fighting is a baby. He wants a baby _*now*_, it's all he ever talks about. I admit that right before we got married I was on board w/ getting prego right away, but after the wedding I realized 'what's the rush?'. I would love to try to go back to school and that would be very hard or near impossible to do if we had a baby. Every time I try to tell him how I feel about the situation, he gets all hot headed and mad. He's like a kid in a toy store screaming "I want! I want! I want!" when it comes to a baby. It just feels like he doesn't respect my decisions. Plus since we've been fighting so much, I'm worried that something may happen to us and I wouldn't want to bring a child into a relationship where we are fighting all the time. He seems to think that a baby would fix everything...but it wont...but I can't tell him that, cause he wont hear me...he'll listen..but it doesn't absorb what I'm saying, its like talking to friggin wall. We keep going in circles about everything..we just fight about the same stuff over and over and over again. Another problem is he's addicted to sex, if we don't have sex then he'll use porn to take care of himself..but its on an everyday basis. Sometimes it seems like he gets mad or annoyed if I don't want to have sex. He says he doesn't but the comments he makes sometimes says otherwise. Sometimes I really wonder if I made a mistake in getting married. Now that I am, I realize that there are a lot of things that I want to do but may never get the chance too. I'm a solitary person by nature and being married just makes me feel so trapped. He's up my butt about everything. He calls me if I'm not home when he expects me to be. He actually came to my work one day to make sure I was there. Plus on top of all that, we're hurting financially. We are in a lot of debt, and I am the one who does the finances so I have that stress as well. Sometimes it just feels like I can't breath, like I'm suffocating from everything. I just don't know what to do, I'm so lost.


he sounds really immature, did you not see that before you married him?
He also sounds controlling.... as well as financially unstable.

I can understand why your so unhappy, although I do not believe you can rebuild him into something more tolerable.


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## marriagehelp12 (Apr 8, 2009)

I would hold off on having a baby now! As far as having sex everyday I do not see the problem in doing that with your husband. 
It takes two to Tango but I agree he is defininately insecure, immature and not worth your misery day in day out.. At the end of the day you need to know if you are holding on to a memory....


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