# Wish I were at peace.....



## BetterLifeAhead (Apr 12, 2013)

Hello Everyone!

I really wish I could get my head straight. I've brought up D more than a few times.... I've got my "ducks" in a row, sort of speak.

Every time D is mentioned, WS brings up."that is not what I wanted", "it doesn't have to be this way", " this will only hurt S15".

I know I didn't mention before to TAM family, but... I actually started counciling last week. It felt good to finally be able to share the whole story.

More drama continues with some of his family visiting, none who know about OW, he is tormented by keeping her a secret and having to lie to them. So, tonight, he will not be seeing his sister.
It's bothering him ALOT. He happens to be over there tonight. He's pretty pathetic. I, on the other hand, will be "entertaining" and S15 will be seeing his Aunt. 

I'm so tired, I've been doing the 180, and he's good at sucking me in. This is so terrible, on so many levels.

Just wanted to share....with TAM FAM!


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## Jasel (Jan 8, 2013)

Stay strong and hang in there!


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

_" this will only hurt S15"_

If he's worried about hurting S15 he should change his own behavior.

_More drama continues with some of his family visiting, none who know about OW,_

They should be told. Your husband's fantasy life will last until it collides with the real world. If you help keep his secrets you are enabling his A.


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## BetterLifeAhead (Apr 12, 2013)

Thank you, Jasel.

I'm trying. If you read my story, you can see my problem.

Why is it, what is it?.. That H has such a pull on me. I'm the one feeling tormented.


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## BetterLifeAhead (Apr 12, 2013)

BWBill....

He doesn't want me to say anything until he can explain it to his family, select few. I'm supposed to tell my family, we are having marriage problems, because he know how miserable I am.

Ugh!,


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

> this will only hurt S15


Well, *DUH!!!!*

Why is he only thinking of this, now?:slap:


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## BWBill (Jan 30, 2013)

In my opinion, it is a mistake to allow him to make these decisions. He is is only choosing to do what serves his own interest. You should have no faith that he is going to do the right thing, ever. Further, he will ultimately blame you for the whole situation.

This is having a terrible impact on your life and your son's life and it is your responsibility to take the necessary steps to either end the A or end the marriage.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

I don't get why you don't simply blow this up just now.
I mean, get your other thread, write down a condensed version of the barebone facts and distribute it among his family members, every single one of them. Then explain them that becasue of it you ask them to help you to get rid of him as he wants some sort of poligamy.


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## BetterLifeAhead (Apr 12, 2013)

Thanks everyone!

Family came, had dinner... we did like we always have, drinks and catch up, etc. 

I should have said something, but I didn't. They are leaving for a cruise in a couple days, I just didn't want "this situation" to consume their trip.. Always thinking of everyone else. 

In the beginning, I had asked H how he would address these exact type of situations, family, death in family, weddings. H always said that those would be addressed as they came up. He waited to long, but blames me, says " out of respect for me " he was willing to sacrifice " his family".

Looking back, I can't even believe I considered living like this. I know now, that I will never, ever, get past his betrayal. He says to trust him, but I once did....and HE BLEW IT! He had everything he wanted in the palm of his hand, and HE BLEW IT. 

Now he just expects me to be his doormat, have everything tied with me financially .... Legally....and use the "this would hurt S15", and "both of us would suffer financially. H speaks with a threatening tone, but says he 's not threatening me, just stating facts. Wow, right?:scratchhead:

It feels like a broken record.....just keeps ging on a on..

This must end.

I hate this s#it.......


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

BetterLifeAhead said:


> Thank you, Jasel.
> 
> I'm trying. If you read my story, you can see my problem.
> 
> Why is it, what is it?.. That H has such a pull on me. I'm the one feeling tormented.


I think it will help if you make what he did public to his family. It's your decision and not his.


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

BetterLifeAhead said:


> Thanks everyone!
> 
> Family came, had dinner... we did like we always have, drinks and catch up, etc.
> 
> ...


He really knows how to manipulate you. That's sad he just can't stand up and be a man.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

thatbpguy said:


> He really knows how to manipulate you. That's sad he just can't stand up and be a man.


True. But also sad that she can't stand up and be a woman. OP...how much longer do you stay on the carosel? It's the same old same old.

I'm gonna promise you this: S15 is gonna have issues WITHOUT a divorce. How can I say such? Cuz it happened to me. Ma stayed with evil step-father "for you", she told me when I was in my 20's. "I did it for you".

Read that again...the interpretation is quite painful: "All of this pain our family is going through is your fault".

Oh, I know that ain't your intention.

But it WILL be S15's interpretation one day. Mark my words. Especially, at this age.

Stay Together For The Kids by Blink182...this has the lyrics provided.

"Staying together for the kids" is the worst, most pitiful excuse ever uttered from parents.


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## 2asdf2 (Jun 5, 2012)

SomedayDig said:


> True. But also sad that she can't stand up and be a woman. OP...how much longer do you stay on the carosel? It's the same old same old.
> 
> I'm gonna promise you this: S15 is gonna have issues WITHOUT a divorce. How can I say such? Cuz it happened to me. Ma stayed with evil step-father "for you", she told me when I was in my 20's. "I did it for you".
> 
> ...


You may think of it as an excuse. You are saying that with the benefit of a lot -maybe lots and lots- of experience.

Thousands (millions?) of us, who did not know any better at the time, did just that.


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## SomedayDig (Jul 17, 2012)

Yeah, that was a little strong worded at the end wasn't it? Sorry about that. Funny how easy it is to go back 30 years in time and feel those things and it's as if they just happened.

So painful.

I apologize to those who knew no better and did what they thought was best.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I'm sorry you're here.
At this point, the decisions you make should be made for YOU. His choices have put the two of you here, why should you trust him to find the least painful way out? He's keeping you from having the support of family, to make it easier on him. You are giving him the power to make it hurt more, and for longer.


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## BetterLifeAhead (Apr 12, 2013)

Thanks everyone!

Counselor said the same thing today. Determine if the V lifestyle is still what I wanted for all move forward..... The right way, instead of all H bs!! Have him own up to the promises he made, and us too. And if not..... End it, get off the roller coaster .

Nothing is worth it, not even for S15 sake, because he is suffering. She hit it on the head. At this point, it may be to late toundo the damage. But I will not stay only to be "their" financial backing, they should be dealing with their own stuff and his OSO should be allowing us to repair damage, if that's what MY decision is at this point. Frankly, I don't really know if it ever could be repaired or to what degree.

I just know I have to lool out for MYSELF and S15, because there is no other choice. Too much damage has been done.... I pray he doesn't hate me in the end. 

I should do a new thread, which would be very long....and tell you all the whole story from the start to present day. It probably would make a good read for some. LOL! It would be obvious where some major mistakes were made by all involved. I no longer will allow H to blame shift and pin everything on me or her, time he puts his big boy pants on.....AND OWN UP,


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## thatbpguy (Dec 24, 2012)

BetterLifeAhead said:


> I should do a new thread, which would be very long....and tell you all the whole story from the start to present day. It probably would make a good read for some.


Do so.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I would strongly advise....the older a child is, a CHILD being the operative word, the harder they take it. 

If you are done, I would give your son some forethought if I were you. I would give him a heads up to where this is going if things do not change so he is ready for it. I would prepare him for the inevitable. You must! 

I have been out with 2 men whose parents split when they were 15. Both were totally screwed up by it. (edit: I have a step dad, he was there my whole life. Life was normal as far as I was concerned at the time. Any issues that have resulted were completely devoid of that fact). 

One took until his 40's to stop being angry at his mum. And that was through my insistence. What he was upset about was disproportionate to what she had done and she is a lovely woman. 

Warn him, talk to him about his feelings, and yours, you may be surprised....he may agree with you. You need to be very sensitive with him due to the age he is at.


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## BetterLifeAhead (Apr 12, 2013)

Happy Mother's Day!

Finally.... Over! I now do what's best for ME and S15!

I will never forget this day, it truly will be A BETTER LIFE AHEAD... for all of us.

AP ... She can have him.... Best revenge ever! Grass isn't greener on the other side, but if it is..... Then may all the dogs s*it on their lawn!

Thank god, no more lies or secrets!

I will be posting a new thread of the whole story....


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