# What would you do if the 180 was used on you?



## Confused&Afraid (Jan 5, 2014)

I'm sure most of the members here have at one stage or another have done the 180 on their significant other. Most sources of information tell you how to apply the 180, but I have not come across any advice on what to do if you suspect your SO is also using the 180 on you.


----------



## Trying2figureitout (Feb 3, 2011)

Odds are nil of that happening... there are two types those that seek help and those that don't..they tend to pair up. So one is fully aware of 180 steps the other is clueless.


----------



## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My STBXW has done an almost perfect 180 on me. Pretty sure it's just been her natural response; she's not much for forums like this or self-help books. If it has helped her move on, I'm glad for her sake. From my perspective, it's worked great for me, because I'm the one that wanted out and I'm happy in my new life. So not having to listen to begging or pleading for me to come back is ideal. 

Like I've often said in here... The 180 shouldn't be used as a tool to lure the other spouse back. It should be used as a tool to help you move forward. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

PBear said:


> Like I've often said in here... The 180 shouldn't be used as a tool to lure the other spouse back. It should be used as a tool to help you move forward.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

Its not a tool to manipulate someone, it's a tool for you to detach.


----------



## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

I would think my wife was suspecting me of having an affair and I would do a 360 on her butt. A double 180.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If she erroneously used it on me, I'd eventually counter with a 180 all my own! But let's say that she was hypothetically correct in ferreting out an affair that I was actively engaged in, then I'd just save her some time and trouble and just leave the relationship of my own accord!*


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Depends on the situation, I think, but more than likely I'd respond in kind, at least for a while. At some point you have to have a calm, mature discussion about the state of things but I'd imagine that, in many cases, doing the 180 is very likely necessary on the part of at least one party in order to get to the point where that can actually be accomplished.


----------



## LostWifeCrushed (Feb 7, 2012)

He's already detached, but in a very negative way so........If my H started being positive and taking care of his needs in a mature way I would be dancing!


----------



## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I think it can be said that our spouses already did do the 180 on us. Albeit, in an unhealthy, hurtful and damaging way, when they were cheating. They detached, they dressed better, they got into shape, they started going out more, they made new "friends" (that were "just friends") etc.

What did we do? We suspected them of cheating and ended up here.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Confused&Afraid said:


> I'm sure most of the members here have at one stage or another have done the 180 on their significant other. Most sources of information tell you how to apply the 180, but I have not come across any advice on what to do if you suspect your SO is also using the 180 on you.


I agree with MT above. 
The 180 , at its very basic a form, is about detachment. 

Most of my wife's talk focused on the kids because her emotional needs were being met somewhere else. We weren't fighting, talking about small things, watching the same TV shows or even discussing how she looked when she went out with the "girls." When I look back, I could list off at least half of the 180 list if not more.

Hmmmm........I think I'll go see right now.


----------



## Confused&Afraid (Jan 5, 2014)

Ok here is why I brought this up. 

I inadvertently left a book explaining the 180 out when I went for vacation. Although, I don't have definite proof, I've got a funny feeling in my gut that she may have read my book. She is the one all about communications and was always the one informing me what she would be doing etc, but even before she moved out I've noticed that the has become more private. And now that she's moved out, the has really gone silent. Hmmm.... Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but you never know.

So if this really happened to you what would you do?


----------



## idellzaiti (Mar 31, 2014)

The 180 shouldn't be used as a tool to lure the other spouse back.


----------



## thebadguy (Dec 7, 2012)

Confused&Afraid said:


> Ok here is why I brought this up.
> 
> I inadvertently left a book explaining the 180 out when I went for vacation. Although, I don't have definite proof, I've got a funny feeling in my gut that she may have read my book. She is the one all about communications and was always the one informing me what she would be doing etc, but even before she moved out I've noticed that the has become more private. And now that she's moved out, the has really gone silent. Hmmm.... Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but you never know.
> 
> So if this really happened to you what would you do?


Relish the calm.


----------



## thebadguy (Dec 7, 2012)

Confused&Afraid said:


> Ok here is why I brought this up.
> 
> I inadvertently left a book explaining the 180 out when I went for vacation. Although, I don't have definite proof, I've got a funny feeling in my gut that she may have read my book. She is the one all about communications and was always the one informing me what she would be doing etc, but even before she moved out I've noticed that the has become more private. And now that she's moved out, the has really gone silent. Hmmm.... Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but you never know.
> 
> So if this really happened to you what would you do?


Dance like no one is watching.


----------



## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

C&A, this could be the end.

I think the 180 is kind of passive aggressive but with some people and in some situations it does "work."

I effectively do the 180 with my mother. The less I talk about with her, the less she can ridicule me. I've got her now starving for any information about me.

It's not a healthy relationship and this time I won't be fooled into thinking that things have changed. 

In your case, I have not been following your story. IF the you the BS and the WS is doing on you, well, the end is nigh.


----------



## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

If my husband were to do this I know that I would distance myself as well. I just can't be open emotionally to someone who abandons me, I already have the tendency to be very quiet if H just seems preoccupied. I never want to bother him or be a burden. 

I'm also completely averse to chasing a man. Thank God my H didn't do this when we were struggling, we would have ended up divorced.


----------

