# I dont want my wife to have female friends



## karrador (Mar 31, 2016)

My wife recently came out to me as bisexual and this horrified me.

I dont want her to have female friends anymore because im worried she will cheat on me.

she states however that I'm being unreasonable.

how do I deal with this problem?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Accept her sexuality or set her free.

Controlling her will make you both miserable.

Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

karrador said:


> My wife recently came out to me as bisexual and this horrified me.
> 
> I dont want her to have female friends anymore because im worried she will cheat on me.
> 
> ...


First; you are being unreasonable. Accept the fact that this is still the woman you married. She is the same exact person you knew a year ago, only now you've been shown an interesting facet of her personality.

Second; has she cheated on you before? If not then I wouldn't worry about it. After all, your knowledge of her sexuality isn't changing anything. In fact, her sharing this part of herself may be an attempt to strengthen your relationship. If she were inclined to cheat on you she would have done so and not told you about being bi. The capacity to cheat either is or is not there, regardless of sexuality.

Third; don't forbid her having female friends, that will only drive her away. Did you forbid her having male friends when you thought she was straight? Did you worry about her cheating on you then?

Talk with her, not AT her or TO her-WITH her. Communicate. Help her understand your concerns and let her help you see that they are probably groundless. Remember, too, that this is only a problem if you make it one-and it sounds like you are. (I have to qualify this with "probably" because I don't know y'all and this is based on generalities.)


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Well your post has the scent of a troll.

But if your wife did not disclose such a thing before marriage, I would divorce her. 

If she is coming out about this now, you can be sure she's probably already be with women since with you. How long you been married?

Go with your gut and your values. She's already a liar but not telling you before. And you already have trust issues. Will you ever feel comfortable with her values and character? Nope.

I disagree with farside's wording. Cut YOURSELF free and divorce her. Dump her.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

So what you are basically saying is you want to stop your wife from having any friends, because you are worried she will cheat on you. We're talking NO friends, NONE at all.

If you can't see the problem with that, the absolutely f*cking MASSIVE problem with that, then please, divorce her because you shouldn't be in a relationship, with anyone.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Wow. Kinda harsh and "blaming the victim" don't ya think?

I think since he just found out he's trying to figure out what's real and what isn't. Not exactly an irrational first response to your wife telling you she play's for both team.

I really hope this is a troll post because if it's true, OP got deceived by his wife. What he really needs to know is if to stay or go and advice on that decision far before he needs advice on who her friends are.

If it were me, I would dump her as fast as allowed by law.



breeze said:


> So what you are basically saying is you want to stop your wife from having any friends, because you are worried she will cheat on you. We're talking NO friends, NONE at all.
> 
> If you can't see the problem with that, the absolutely f*cking MASSIVE problem with that, then please, divorce her because you shouldn't be in a relationship, with anyone.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Both my husband and I have arms length friendships with the opposite sex. But I do have a close friendship with 2 women. Even so, we're not messaging one another night and day.

Anyway, I would like to hear from someone married to a bisexual to find what all happens when dealing with third party relationships.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

jdawg2015 said:


> Wow. Kinda harsh and "blaming the victim" don't ya think?
> 
> I think since he just found out he's trying to figure out what's real and what isn't. Not exactly an irrational first response to your wife telling you she play's for both team.
> 
> ...


Blaming the victim of what exactly? So what if she's bi? It hardly matters in the grand scheme of things.


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## Spotthedeaddog (Sep 27, 2015)

karrador said:


> My wife recently came out to me as bisexual and this horrified me.
> 
> I dont want her to have female friends anymore because im worried she will cheat on me.
> 
> ...


don't be silly, in 12 months you'll be completely redundant in her life. No cheating required.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

You think sexual orientation hardly matters in a marriage? Really?

I think it's a huge issue for many people. 



breeze said:


> Blaming the victim of what exactly? So what if she's bi? It hardly matters in the grand scheme of things.


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## DayOne (Sep 19, 2014)

karrador said:


> I want to control my wife, due to my own fears, insecurity and lack of trust


FIFY. 

Trying (and ultimately failing) to dictate who your wife can and can not be friends with will end.. badly.


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Not telling your spouse that you are bisexual before getting married with end....badly.

Sorry but this kind of violation requires some extreme boundaries if it has ANY chance for the marriage to survive.



DayOne said:


> FIFY.
> 
> Trying (and ultimately failing) to dictate who your wife can and can not be friends with will end.. badly.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

jdawg2015 said:


> Not telling your spouse that you are bisexual before getting married with end....badly.


What if you don't know? This stuff is hardly static.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Big lie in your marriage? Divorce him/her.

Oh, wait. He/she is bisexual or gay? You get a pass. Don't let the homophobes tell you otherwise.

I do not get that double standard.

She's a liar and she lied about having a desire you can't satisfy. Why do you think she lied?


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## Cream2sugarsplz (Mar 28, 2016)

karrador said:


> My wife recently came out to me as bisexual and this horrified me.
> 
> I dont want her to have female friends anymore because im worried she will cheat on me.
> 
> ...


So up until this point, you believed her to be straight without question...was she allowed to have straight, male friends?


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

DayOne said:


> karrador said:
> 
> 
> > I want to control my wife, due to my own fears, insecurity and lack of trust[/QUOTE
> ...


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## Bitteratwomen (Jun 21, 2014)

Your wife should have disclosed that before getting married. Since she did marry you, then hopefully that means she will stay faithful to you. I would divorce personally though.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Karrador,

If she has already had an affair while in the marriage, or in previous marriages or cheated in past relationships, then you have a great deal to be concerned about. 

What do you know about her past, has she been in prior relationships with other women?

There is a chance she is trying to soften you up to the idea of her cheating with women.

Is there some woman she is especially close to or texts often?

Tamat


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Let's work out the logicc of this.....

Even if the person did enjoy being a bisexual before the marriage....

Unless they asked for an open marriage, then they were choosing to be unisexual when they agreed to get married. whether in a hetero or **** sexual relationship....

Soo..... if your partner feels the need to inform / reiterate / whatever their need to be bisexual AFTER the marriage .......

then what could that actually mean.........


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## seasalt (Jul 5, 2012)

The issue isn't her bi-sexuality it's her determination to be faithful to her vows. If she told you she was a lesbian you'd have a real problem.

Discuss with her what your boundaries are and evaluate her responses. Don't even joke about or allow her to bring up threesomes if fidelity is important to you. Any form of an intimate relationship with anyone but you will find you replaced.

Honesty between the two of you is paramount.

Good luck,

Seasalt


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

New_Beginnings said:


> DayOne said:
> 
> 
> > karrador said:
> ...


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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

NextTimeAround said:


> Soo..... if your partner feels the need to inform / reiterate / whatever their need to be bisexual AFTER the marriage .......
> 
> then what could that actually mean.........


Exactly


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Almost everyone is attracted to people other than their spouse. The gender / orientation doesn't make any difference. It is not reasonable to cut someone off from all outside contact, so there just need to be reasonable limits for both of you. 

Now if she is bisexual AND wants to act on that, then you have a different situation. You need to decide if you are OK with that or not. If my wife wanted to sleep with another woman, it wouldn't bother me (though I'd like to be invited ;-) ). Others feel differently.


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

ButtPunch said:


> New_Beginnings said:
> 
> 
> > DayOne said:
> ...


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

OP if her being open to women bothers you, seek divorce. The whole cant have friends because she's been bisexual is absurd. Her sexuality shouldn't compromise her vows unless you two are in an open marriage. In which it doesn't sound like. There should be trust in this marriage and if anything work on rebuilding broken trust. The whole you can't have friends because you want to control her and are insecure isn't going to save your marriage.


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## Luvher4life (Jan 15, 2016)

I see the OP hasn't posted since starting this thread. I have a couple of questions that have a bearing on what the response should be.

1) Had she dated and / or slept with women before she married you?

This is important because it will tell you whether she was honest about her sexuality before marriage. If she has dated / slept with women before you, she was dishonest with you from the beginning. That is a HUGE red flag, and is likely to tell you the marriage has been a sham. It's time to get a divorce, in my opinion, because she is likely already having an EA, maybe even a PA.

2) If she hasn't dated / slept with women before, will she remain faithful, regardless, or does she really feel like she must act on that attraction?

It's not all that uncommon for women to be "bi" curious, or sexually attracted to a particular woman at some point in their life, but only a small percentage ever actually act on it. It could be that she has always had these feelings but was afraid to confront them, and she's old enough now to be okay with those feelings. If that's the case, you really need to talk to her, evaluate whether she wants to act on it, and proceed accordingly.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Luvher4life said:


> I see the OP hasn't posted since starting this thread.


Check under the bridge....


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