# To Move or Not to Move



## thatgirl (May 20, 2011)

I've been lurking on this site for a while and thought I'd post today to get some advice/insight on what to do about this dilemma. Sorry for being so long-winded. This is the "condensed" version 

For the past 9 years my family and I have lived on the same street as my parents. I wanted to be close to my mother after the birth of my first child. Things were so good that 3 years ago my grandparents also moved onto the street. We all welcomed that. A year after that, with our encouragement again, my husband's sister and her husband moved in beside us. 

Thankfully, we all get along great and for the most part this set-up works to everyone's advantage (free babysitting anytime, help with projects, housesitting, always someone around when you need them, etc.) We're also very close with some of our neighbours because our kids play together so basically it's the sort of close-knit neighbourhood a lot of people only dream of. However, over the past year or so I've been feeling increasingly anxious to leave. 

Don't get me wrong, I love my family and friends. I love the fact that the kids have their relatives right down the street to watch them grow up. It takes a village to raise a child, right?  I love how we usually don't have to travel far for family functions - and there are many - just walk a few house down! I love how the kids always have friends to play with and are so close to their school where they're doing so well, etc. I love how I can be there for everyone when I'm needed too. But...there are a lot of cons to this arrangement and in a nutshell all this "togetherness" is getting really tiring for me. 

I really can't put my finger on the proper words to describe what I'm feeling but I know part of the reason I'm anxious is because I never have a place to just escape and be alone. There's always someone around whether it's kids, family, etc. Everyone knows our business. My husband, on the other hand, is Mr. Social Buttefly. He loves being needed, helping out, chatting. He fills every spare second of his day with accomplishments. This situation doesn't bother him very much at all although he says he understands why I feel so suffocated. 

I know this situation is partly my own fault for encouraging my grandparents and SIL/BIL to move onto the street but I honestly didn't think it would be a big deal at the time. I figured 'the more the merrier'. Of course I regret that decision now but there isn't much I can do about it. No one's going anywhere! The worst part now is figuring out what to do now. 
A few years ago my husband and I agreed that the plan was for us to stick around until the kids were finished high school (they're 6 and 9 now) and then move further north when they can drive and/or go away to college. That seems like AGES away now considering how I feel and I don't know if I'll be able to wait that long. But...I also don't want to uproot the kids, potentially hurt my extended family and have to start all over. Any constructive advice is appreciate.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

If you can afford it, buy a cabin in the woods and retreat there every once in awhile-or, take long vacations.


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## Randy (May 21, 2011)

Do you have some outside friends, from work, church, the kids school, whatever, that your family doesn't have in common? Plan some nights out or take a class. This sounds like a "grass is greener" situation, and after moving you'll see the benefits you now take for granted.


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## thatgirl (May 20, 2011)

Thanks. 

Now that I think about it we've never travelled anywhere for more than a day with just the four of us. We've always gone on trips with family/friends so that would be a first. Sad but true. It might be time. Although I honestly don't know how we would be for a week without anyone around besides the kids. That scares me a little!

Overall, the benefits definitely do outweigh the negatives, primarily for the kids. I guess the price I have to pay for that is a little piece of my sanity


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## unknownuser (May 11, 2011)

I grew up on a dead end street where I was the fifth generation of my family. My grandparents, great-grandmother, several great-aunts/uncles, and all of my aunt/uncles all lived there. My family managed by doing exactly what the others have mentioned.. We camped and also spent time as a family at a remote cabin. I can honestly say as a child growing up this way, it was amazing. I moved away for years and eventually decided it is exactly where I want my kids to grow up too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

How about moving to another neighborhood? that way you are close enough for a 10-15 minute drive to "familytown", but far enough away to be on your own?


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## HadIOnlyKnown (Jun 14, 2011)

I understand where you are coming from. We live in a small town and both of our families are minutes from our home. My family always lived close but respected each other's family units. No one dropped by uninvited, you were visiting someone not coming home, etc.. I actually have to keep my doors locked to force my inlaws to KNOCK. That's right - I'm not keeping out predators or criminals...I just want my inlaws to use some common courtesy. I have had my brother in law waltz in and start wandering the house yelling "Hello? Where are you?" when I'm in the shower. Awwkwaaard! My DH doesn't see the problem, he grew up this way, but it makes me want to pick up a frying pan and beat them. LOL

I think, if moving away is out of the question, then small get aways are excellent advice. I do this now. My kids and I take a few small trips a year, just us (or DH if he is free to go.) It is like having a thousand pound weight unstrapped from my back, really relaxing.


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