# Guys how long would you tolerate this?



## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Have had many discussions but to no avail.... wife doesn't like to kiss (tries everything to avoid), seldom if ever shows any affection, never touches the man pole except for a BJ that may happen once or twice a year. I get to go "south" about the same amount of times as well and love to give her pleasure.
She does not communicate or doesn't want to about anything sexual.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

discouraged1 said:


> Have had many discussions but to no avail.... wife doesn't like to kiss (tries everything to avoid), seldom if ever shows any affection, never touches the man pole except for a BJ that may happen once or twice a year. I get to go "south" about the same amount of times as well and love to give her pleasure.
> She does not communicate or doesn't want to about anything sexual.


Thanks for posting.

I'm willing to bet your story is in the links on this thread.

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Go ahead and read all of them.

We're here to answer any questions you have.


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## KJ5000 (May 29, 2011)

Was she always like this or is this a new development? if she was willing to talk about it and work things out I'd hang in there and try.
If not, I'm gone YESTERDAY!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> Have had many discussions but to no avail.... wife doesn't like to kiss (tries everything to avoid), seldom if ever shows any affection, never touches the man pole except for a BJ that may happen once or twice a year. I get to go "south" about the same amount of times as well and love to give her pleasure.
> She does not communicate or doesn't want to about anything sexual.


Are you just talking at her or having REAL discussions?
Are you sufficiently hygienic to be kissed / blown without making her retch?
Are you sufficiently well-shaven that going down on her doesn't feel like being worked over with a wire brush?
Are you physically in acceptable shape?
Do you look like you give a toss about about your appearance?

If you're answering "no" to any of these, you might not want to put up with it, but you don't have a choice.

Does she feel sex is a revolting obligation and only does it because she has to?
Does she lack a frame of reference to discuss sex?

If the answers here are "yes", see above.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

KJ5000 said:


> Was she always like this or is this a new development? if she was willing to talk about it and work things out I'd hang in there and try.
> If not, I'm gone YESTERDAY!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Always been this way.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Un-salvageable. Cannot be fixed. The consequences of that are up to you. She's happy or happy-ish in the way that any insufferable martyr can be happy. She will never change and there's no point in worrying about that.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> Are you just talking at her or having REAL discussions?
> Are you sufficiently hygienic to be kissed / blown without making her retch?
> Are you sufficiently well-shaven that going down on her doesn't feel like being worked over with a wire brush?
> Are you physically in acceptable shape?
> ...


I am a good looking guy and keep myself in decent shape, hygiene is fine.
Not sure if she feels is obligatory but she may sometimes. What do you mean frame of reference to discuss sex?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Why did you marry an emotional iceberg?:scratchhead:


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## JessiTexas40s (May 28, 2011)

Well I am a woman, and I used to be that way too. My problem was that he didnt know how to romance me. Romance begins way before the bedroom, at least for me. He used to be a wam bam thank ya mam, he learned through lots of talking. Married 23 yrs, good luck to you!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

discouraged1 said:


> What do you mean frame of reference to discuss sex?


"I like it when you use your fingers / tongue / penis / fur codpiece / whatever to do THIS here! Yes! Like that!" = Frame of reference (may be more or less graphic, but clear, understandable)

"Well, maybe if you sort of you-know-what with your you-know-what, well... I don't know, I'm a LAY-deeee...." = No frame of reference. If she can't show or tell you what she wants how she wants and when she wants it, you won't find out while you have hole in in your arse. If she expects you to read her mind or just "know" because you're the man, this is having no frame of reference or ability to discuss sex.


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## 2xloser (May 8, 2011)

Wondering why, with this having been an issue from Day 1, you would go ahead and marry her, if clearly it is an issue for you (as it would be for 99.99999999% of men)?


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## ARF (Jan 26, 2011)

2xloser said:


> Wondering why, with this having been an issue from Day 1, you would go ahead and marry her, if clearly it is an issue for you (as it would be for 99.99999999% of men)?


:smthumbup:


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

2xloser said:


> Wondering why, with this having been an issue from Day 1, you would go ahead and marry her, if clearly it is an issue for you (as it would be for 99.99999999% of men)?


I guess because I was young, dumb, and stupid and did not know any better.. wiser now.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> "I like it when you use your fingers / tongue / penis / fur codpiece / whatever to do THIS here! Yes! Like that!" = Frame of reference (may be more or less graphic, but clear, understandable)
> 
> "Well, maybe if you sort of you-know-what with your you-know-what, well... I don't know, I'm a LAY-deeee...." = No frame of reference. If she can't show or tell you what she wants how she wants and when she wants it, you won't find out while you have hole in in your arse. If she expects you to read her mind or just "know" because you're the man, this is having no frame of reference or ability to discuss sex.


I wish.... she can't explain, won't explain, or give any detail as to what she likes. i know a few she does not like.. oral either way, anal, kissing,touching her knees or belly button.


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

JessiTexas40s said:


> Well I am a woman, and I used to be that way too. My problem was that he didnt know how to romance me. Romance begins way before the bedroom, at least for me. He used to be a wam bam thank ya mam, he learned through lots of talking. Married 23 yrs, good luck to you!


Can you explain a little further about the romance thing?


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## discouraged1 (Mar 16, 2010)

morituri said:


> Why did you marry an emotional iceberg?:scratchhead:


Too young to know any better... I guess I can blame it on her mom! Total iceberg biatch.


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## Bobo (Jun 2, 2011)

I was in a sexless marriage for around 8 years. I have been married 15 years. I was in the military and when I came back from an overseas tour things changed. No sex, no intimacy and I was miserable for a long time. I has sex twice in one year when I came back and I remember once she cried because she said she forced herself to have sex with me. It was a nightmare. Things picked up here and there over the years but I ended up having a nervous breakdown in 2009.

At that time I initiated counseling. Believe it or not things got better. Much better. It took time though. Lots of time and lots of work. It wasn't easy.

I would say the #1 problem was we had communication issues. I also believe she had some hormonal issues going on that destroyed her sex drive. Another problem we currently face is that we are not very compatible. People change over the years. We love each other dearly but I no longer feel the same way because of the compatibility issues.

The problems you are facing could be very complex. Nobody knows what is going on in her head and in her body. 

Talking with her, not being judgmental (that is very hard), is the best approach. Write out what you want to say and read it to her so your thoughts are clear. Emotions can get things messy if you speak off the cuff. She what she says and go from there. I did that and things didn't change all that much but it was a start and she was fully aware of the issues. About 6 months after I wrote the letter I started counseling because things did not change.

If she doesn't listen my recommendation is to start counseling. Get an independent 3rd party involved. Also, you may need to set up separate meetings where each of you go solo. She may have issues that she is not willing to discuss with you but she may be willing to discuss with a counselor.


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