# Overand Over



## treysdad1002 (Nov 1, 2015)

My wife had an affair. It has been 9 months since I found out. I am still struggling with all aspects of repercussions, but one in particular wont shake despite much effort. I cannot stop my mind from suddenly seeing them in action. Not like still frames but what it has pieced together as a actual video. Out of nowhere it starts playing and it cripples me every time. This is becoming very harmful in many ways to me and I need advice on a way to squash this. Much appreciated.
Treysdad.


----------



## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

For her it is 8 years old, 8 years for her to work it out and to carry the burden, now she decides to transfer that burden over to you, you get to carry the weight of her transgression, he lies and deceit, she has unloaded it upon you. the wound is raw and unhealed and she wants to just move on because he guilty burden has been cleansed....WRONG!!!!!!!!!!

this is where you stand up for yourself and you tell her that this is BullSh*T and that it is your turn to ask anything you want to help you heal and she will do everything and anything you ask or you end this marriage...put the living fear of God into her....with filing papers and you will only remove the threat if she does all the heavy lifting. and i would blow this out of the water so that everyone knows


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Picture them dressed as clowns.


----------



## Devastated an lost (Oct 29, 2014)

This was one of the hardest things for me to deal with too. I don't know if this will help, But For me I would concentrate on my H being with me instead & putting as meany memories between them as I could. In time mind movies started to fade.


----------



## GROUNDPOUNDER (Mar 8, 2013)

I'm not sure why the OP has started a second thread, but I am sure that he's going to get the same advice in this one, as the last.

She's not truly remorseful. You still don't know 100% of truth about what she's done. Until these change, you're going to be in limbo.

She says that she's sorry, but will do nothing to help you heal. You want to forgive her and move on, but you don't even know the extent of what you're trying to forgive her for, so that's going to be a no go also.

Tell her that you want a polygraph test. Even if you never follow through with having her take one(and at this point, I'm very doubtful you'd have the resolve to demand anything from her), her reaction will be very revealing.

If she out right refuses, then there's a good chance there more... much more. If she agrees to take it, then tells you a little more, there's a good chance there more...

I get the feeling that you don't want to know anymore. If this is the case, the limbo you're living in right now will not stop. Then many times your wife is apart from you you'll may start wondering.

She's going to the town that the OM lives in, I wonder... Shes going on a GNO tonight, I wonder... She says that she has to visit a relative/friend in another state, I wonder...

I don't that that your DDays are behind you yet and sticking your head in the sand will not stop them from happening.


----------



## Tito Santana (Jul 9, 2015)

Why did you start a second thread on the exact same issue just a few days after your first thread??

There is plenty of good advice in that one already...

But again, read your post about you saying your wife told you the best time of her life was the period of time when she slept with the OM up to 60 times, and ask yourself if you really want to continue to be married to that heartless woman.

Obvious choice would to quit being a doormat and divorce her. Just my opinion.


----------



## 5Creed (May 29, 2011)

It is way past time for you to start taking care of yourself. Are you seeing a counselor to deal with this? I don't think you will get them out of your head until you do and she changes. From what you have posted, I highly doubt she is doing anything to change. What are you willing to put up with at this point?


----------



## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

GROUNDPOUNDER said:


> You still don't know 100% of truth about what she's done.


Actually he does. He can watch it in a mind movie. That's probably really really close to what she done. Not a lot of point in having her narrate. I hope he doesnt envision "close ups" of the action. What the hey. Men often have a tendency to be voyeuristic that foster such mind movies.


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

Just think of her in divorce court trying to address this video going through your mind, while being torn apart by your lawyer. 

I keep thinking of that episode from Without a Trace where the main FBI Lead is going through a divorce and all of the sudden a chair flies through the guy's office window because he was pissed at something her divorce lawyer did.


----------



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

Guys you are missing the point of this thread. He is asking about the best way to deal with the mind movies. Filing for D, get a polygraph, etc won't stop the mind movies. If fact, they might make them worse.

I suggest counseling, and perhaps taking some anti-anxiety meds if available. Also thinking positive and focus on the good times that you've had and will continue to have. Decide how you can take what you have learned about the A and make positive changes in your marriage. Prayer helps too. And don't forget the hysterical bonding sex!


----------



## MAJDEATH (Jun 16, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> GROUNDPOUNDER said:
> 
> 
> > You still don't know 100% of truth about what she's done.
> ...


Mind movies are always way worse than reality.


----------



## Borntohang (Sep 4, 2014)

Let me share something that a therapist had me do...I witnessed my brother die! I was in the emergency room while they tried to revive him! It was horrible! Watching them use the defibrillator (bouncing off the table)...Anyway, I was having horrible "Mind movies" of that night!

I sought help from a therapist. He had me recant the events in the hospital. After I was done, he said "Close your eyes and play that movie in your head. Take your time! Tell me when you're done" After a few minutes, I opened my eyes. He said "You've seen this movie many times. It's like any other movie you've seen! You know the ending" Now I want you to close your eyes and rewind it from the time he died. It will be quick". After I did, he said "You've seen those little photo booths, that people take goofy pictures? After the session, little one inch pictures come out". I told him I had...Then he said "I want you to compress your "Mind movie to that size. Like all photos, we put them in photo albums. I want you to mentally, open a photo album and put that one inch movie in there. You can always open that album and llok at it. It will always be there! But now I want you to start thinking of all the good, funny, goofy things your brother did! Each one of those goes in the the album. I suspect, when you think of your brother(open the album) what are you going to look at? Are you going to look at the good pictures, because I know there are a lot of them, or are you going to play the other? 

That had a profound effect on me! As crazy as it sounds, it helped me tremendously. I couldn't go back to mind movies. There was so much more to my brother!


----------



## Healer (Jun 5, 2013)

MAJDEATH said:


> Mind movies are always way worse than reality.


Oh I don't think that's the case at all.


----------

