# NC but still looking at her facebook page



## browndogs (Mar 11, 2013)

You all have really helped me a ton so today I have another question. My husband had a ea found out 1/26/13. finally go to point of NC on march 1. But here is what I am trying to understand. He gave me his facebook passwords so i can look at what he is doing. He has been looking up her page about 5 times a day!


Why is he doing this what is he getting from it? I have kept his fb logged in all day at work to see if they are messenging each other and it appears they are not. she is not on his friends list or anywhere that i can see. Also he only does this during day, never at ho0me and never on weekends. 

Everything seems to be going better, its this last piece that bugs me. its just weirdd who does that? 

So far as i can tell he has not contacted her via email or facebook. just appriciate any feedback!


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

He is still keeping tabs on her. 
Doesnt sound like NC to me. 
Get in his face. 
NC means no contact. None. None. As in none. None. 
Its a very simple concept that WS seem to have trouble grasping.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

As I said before... BLOCK HER! He gave you the password and everything so you can look at what he is doing... then he likely KNOWS you know he is looking at her page... so tell him to BLOCK HER. He is keeping tabs on her because he still wants some sort of relationship with her. NC means NC. That includes checking up on her page. If he's not willing to go COMPLETE NC, well....


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

He's "being a good boy" and not "really" contacting her, but using this as a means of still feeding the high he gets from contact with her. And if you confront him, he'll be all defensive about how he's _not_ contacting her, _he's just looking_, not _contacting_.  

My husband kept putting his old issues of Playboy in the OW's mailbox for months after he was supposedly NC. When confronted, he was very defensive about that not being "real contact" and also spouted a bunch of b.s. about her still really enjoying the articles even if he couldn't be her friend anymore. (  Moron.  ) I'm not sure he ever really got that reaching out to her, even in that small way, was a slap in my face. And it certainly wasn't No Contact! I also had to spell out very clearly that NC meant not reaching out to her via any third party as well, since he was still asking friends for updates and to pass along messages from him. No contact means No. Contact. At. All.

Put your foot down. He can't be trusted not to surf/stalk the OW. I don't think he needs a Facebook page if that's what he's using it for.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

He's missing her.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

tacoma said:


> He's missing her.



:iagree:

He will be fishing soon or she will........Stomp it quickly.


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## browndogs (Mar 11, 2013)

thanks all, you confirmed what i was thinking. I guess i needed a kick in the pants. this road sucks! It has been bothering me for a couple weeks and i thought it would stop, but it hasn't. 

I did block her on his facebook for him and lo and behold 15min later he called and asked, he just unblocked her. I don't think he has let go of this relationship. obviously.

I know he is gonna try and feed me some bs line about how he is just looking to see what she is doing to thi house she is working on. I don't think he graps just what his ea and and lies have done to me and our marriage. his is gonna say that his looking has no impact on our marriage and relationship etc blah blah blah. if it was once a day i might buy it, but its every 2hrs all day at work. hes like a junkie. I never would have thought i would be here.

he would never tolerate this from me....so i need to man up and expect this to stop. He aint gonna like this conversation and pointers on how to address? cant do it tonight im taking my 23 yr old daughter out for her birthday and don't want that ruined for her.

as a footnote like most he is gonna try and spin this, i have learned just how manipulative he can be thru this process.


thoughts???


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

browndogs said:


> thanks all, you confirmed what i was thinking. I guess i needed a kick in the pants. this road sucks! It has been bothering me for a couple weeks and i thought it would stop, but it hasn't.
> 
> I did block her on his facebook for him and lo and behold 15min later he called and asked, he just unblocked her. I don't think he has let go of this relationship. obviously.
> 
> ...


Why didnt he block her? is he remorseful at all?

have him read this...

CUT any and ALL possible ties with the other man/woman. Keeping a person in your life with whom you have had an affair is like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube. Not only is this a confusing message to the other person, it is also EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL to your spouse. It does not matter if you have known this other man/woman since kindergarten,or have to see this person at work. it is time to break those ties. Do what you must to avoid any contact. Convincing yourself that you need to talk to them to 'break it off' only communicates that their feelings, not your spouse's, are what you are most concerned about. Once you have allowed another individual to permeate, invade or undermine your marital union, there is no place for this person in your life. You simply cannot expect your victim spouse to move past the affair as long as you continue communicating with, seeing, or having any type of relationship with this other man/woman. It is in fact an insult to the intelligence of your current spouse for you to say that you can maintain a professional, platonic, or otherwise innocent relationship with this destructive individual. Furthermore, because this person had an affair with a married man/woman, your current spouse knows they have absolutely NO RESPECT for your marriage. Continuing to work with, hang out with, email or chat with this person is probably the single worst possible thing to do if you are wanting to repair your marriage. This is the time to figure out which relationship is the MOST IMPORTANT to you, either your marriage or the relationship with the other man/woman, and behave accordingly. You simply cannot drive in two lanes at once....EVER!!


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

he unblocked her? my dear it's time to make a stand and see a lawyer


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

Have divorce papers ready? Seriously, that may be the only way to get him to stop. At the very least, have them in the house, ready to fill out. And if he tries to spin his story, stand your ground. "NC means NC. That INCLUDES checking up on her. And the fact that you can't even do THAT means you're not all in this marriage. I refuse to be married to someone who isn't all in. Your choice... block her, and zero contact AT ALL...or divorce."


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## browndogs (Mar 11, 2013)

idk struggling. He has not shown much remorse since this went down. Keep saying how it was killing him that he was hurting ppl he cared about. that was early on and i personally think he was more upset about her hurting her.... 

he is acting like nothing happened, keeps saying we just need to get on with our lives. that everything is ok. 

i know i need to move on too but i cant when he is doing this. im stuck


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## Mrs_Mathias (Nov 19, 2012)

If he is seeking her out, even to know ANYTHING about her, it's not NC. As WW who rationalized myself back into the affair and tortured my husband with a second D-Day, I can tell you that it's incredibly difficult but absolutely IMPERATIVE to cut all access to any knowledge of the AP. NC means no physical, communication, and most importantly for your recovery process - NO MENTAL CONTACT... Just like mind movies and things that the BS has to attempt to stop, WS have to STOP thinking about the AP, stop wondering, stop checking. That seed will sprout into a vicious weed that destroys all the progress you are trying to make. And he can't make an honest effort with you if he is still harboring thoughts of her.

He likely misses her. It will take time for that to pass. BUT it will never pass if he keeps feeding his hurtful obsession. My advice to you is to block her, and change his FB password so he can't access the account until he is through the worst of the withdrawal. If he can't understand the necessity of that for your combined health, then he really doesn't get what he has done to himself and you.

I'm sorry you have to struggle through this. But here is a situation where he clearly needs your help, even if he doesn't want it. All the best to you.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

I agree with everyone else and I'll add my own tidbit. I apologize for my bluntness, but he is most likely looking at her pictures for fantasizing material.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

browndogs said:


> idk struggling. He has not shown much remorse since this went down. Keep saying how it was killing him that he was hurting ppl he cared about. that was early on and i personally think he was more upset about her hurting her....
> 
> Thats not good, him not seeing or acknowledging the damage HE has done to his wife, more concerened for her
> 
> ...


Have you read the newbie link? it's at the bottom of my post, if you have not, read it....really read it
read about the 180, maybe you need to do it? By him even checking on her, shows that he still cares, I dont care what spin he puts on it, that the honest to god truth(he still cares), why in the world would he, if he didnt still care about her?
What consequences has he faced?


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

browndogs said:


> idk struggling. He has not shown much remorse since this went down. Keep saying how it was killing him that he was hurting ppl he cared about. that was early on and i personally think he was more upset about her hurting her....
> 
> he is acting like nothing happened, keeps saying we just need to get on with our lives. that everything is ok.
> 
> *i know i need to move on too but i cant when he is doing this. im stuck*


No, honey, this is EXACTLY when you need to do it. When he IS acting this way. If he were serious about repairing the marriage, he would have absolutely no problem with blocking her. My husband's OW was someone we both had considered a friend at one time. When given the choice "her or me", he chose to remove her from everything, and blocked her on Facebook. That was a year ago. And she is STILL blocked on his Facebook, and no emails/texts since June (second link in my signature is THAT story). But the poitn is, NOW is the time to push this. If you don't, he WILL do it again.


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## browndogs (Mar 11, 2013)

struggling yes i have read newbie links, but i think i need to reread. I have been doing 180. Its weird i have not been this focused on myself in a long dang time. I have got to my goal weight and ppl have noticed. grown my hair out got blond highlights and just had a laser peel. im gonna look and feel great! all good things been back to yoga. i just don't want to rug sweep this. he does! its like burying a cat turd the smell is still there! He is in denial that what he did was a affair.... its like he can't ownup to it. probably becuase he said he never would do that to me. I think to get thru to him there will have to be some firm consequences, which he has not had really. it took me till the end of feb to get my sh$t together and tell him that it was unacceptable that he was still emailing her... His response? that he had to do what was right for him at the time. he finally agreed to not email or chat on march 1. but he obviously is still thinking about her constantly. 


i need some roundup! gotta go and kill this weed now!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

I'd heartily recommend checking his cell phone out for any illicit texting activity with her~ after all, that may be the way that he's circumventing FB and continuing his "cake-eating" activities on the side!


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

browndogs said:


> struggling yes i have read newbie links, but i think i need to reread. I have been doing 180. Its weird i have not been this focused on myself in a long dang time. I have got to my goal weight and ppl have noticed. grown my hair out got blond highlights and just had a laser peel. im gonna look and feel great! all good things been back to yoga. i just don't want to rug sweep this. he does! its like burying a cat turd the smell is still there! He is in denial that what he did was a affair.... its like he can't ownup to it. probably becuase he said he never would do that to me. I think to get thru to him there will have to be some firm consequences, which he has not had really. it took me till the end of feb to get my sh$t together and tell him that it was unacceptable that he was still emailing her... His response? that he had to do what was right for him at the time. he finally agreed to not email or chat on march 1. but he obviously is still thinking about her constantly.
> 
> 
> i need some roundup! gotta go and kill this weed now!


That a Girl, Good for you, finding things that make you happy :smthumbup:

If he's has to do whats right for him at the time, guess you could say the same thing along the lines of " Adios , I'm moving on doing what I need to do for me, see you in Divorce court"


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Block him.

Forget he's on facebook.

I blocked my husband (STBX). He wasn't cheating...and if he is seeing someone now, I don't give a crap. I blocked him on FB. He doesn't exist.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

browndogs said:


> thanks all, you confirmed what i was thinking. I guess i needed a kick in the pants. this road sucks! It has been bothering me for a couple weeks and i thought it would stop, but it hasn't.
> 
> I did block her on his facebook for him and lo and behold 15min later he called and asked, he just unblocked her. I don't think he has let go of this relationship. obviously.
> 
> ...


OMG I went through this EXACT thing with my ex boyfriend!  He would give me his password so that I could see she was blocked, then he'd unblock her, I'd confront, and he'd change his password! We did this I couldnt TELL you how many times!! The only way this is going to change is that you play the divorce card and be ready to follow through! NOTHING ELSE is going to work!! Jerks....


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## asia (Dec 3, 2012)

This is a problem for me as well but slightly different. I created a thread about it. My husband OW blocked him but he is still FB friends with her friends. He only put up one picture of our family (not me and him but all of us) once since in R. 

If his OW has unblocked him then he would know due to mutual friends of theirs and her pictures would most likely come up on their pages. I simply do not know what to do with this or how to feel. I don't like it but I think HE should have deleted all of them if he is serious about recovery but does it mean he isn't because he hasn't? Ugh!

It would hurt me if he was still looking at her pictures on FB.....just saying, I understand.


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## browndogs (Mar 11, 2013)

ok gonna have to do this via email as if i drop it in person he will try and gloss this over and i wont get it all out. struggling i plagerised some of your post! 

Dear Jeff, 

I have not sent you a email in awhile and I need to address something that is bothering me a lot. 
I don’t know how to say this exactly so I guess I will just dump it out there. You need to stop checking kim facebook page 6 times a day. It is obvious that you are still constantly thinking about her a lot.
Your actions in this have been very hurtfull to me and to continue with our marriage and reconciliation CUT any and ALL possible ties with kim. Keeping a person in your life with whom you have had an affair is like trying to put toothpaste back into the tube. Not only is this a confusing message to me, it is also EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL. Once you have allowed another individual to permeate, invade or undermine your marital union, there is no place for this person in your life. You simply cannot expect me to move past the affair as long as you continue communicating with, seeing, or having any type of relationship with kim. It is in fact an insult to the intelligence of me for you to say that you can maintain a professional, platonic, or otherwise innocent relationship with this destructive individual. Furthermore, because Kim had an affair with a married man, I know she has absolutely NO RESPECT for our marriage. Continuing facebook is probably the single worst possible thing to do if you are wanting to repair our marriage. This is the time to figure out which relationship is the MOST IMPORTANT to you, either your marriage or the relationship with Kim, and behave accordingly. You simply cannot drive in two lanes at once....EVER!! contact of any kind has to stop forever. 
I know that this has been difficult to hear from me but it is how I feel. Your feelings for her are still being feed by your obsession with her facebook page. Please do not insult my intelligence and tell me that you are just looking at house pics. If this was the case once a day would be enough. 
I want you to think for awhile before you respond to this, and try and put yourself in my shoes. If this situation had been the other way around you would have demanded no less from me. I know you will think this is unreasonable, but it is what has to happen. You may have friends, just not that one. 


sound good???


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

browndogs said:


> ok gonna have to do this via email as if i drop it in person he will try and gloss this over and i wont get it all out. struggling i plagerised some of your post!
> 
> Dear Jeff,
> 
> ...


I tried this same approach that you have laid out here, and it DOES. NOT. WORK. You will have to be willing to lose him in order to save this, he is not taking ownership of what he has done, and is disrespecting your R.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think it does sound good, but I always think that shorter is better. I think (esp.) women explain way too much, almost like we are apologizing in advance for perfectly reasonable explanations of perfectly reasonable feelings.

In my opinion, a few simple lines suffice and pack a lot of punch:

"I have noticed that you are checking Kim's fb page many times a day. It hurts me deeply that you are so enthralled with another woman that you simply can't stay away. This isn't what marriage is about, at least not for me. If you are unable to really stop all contact, then we have very serious problems with any sort of reconciliation. I won't live my life being hurt daily by this. Who would want that sort of life?"


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

alte Dame said:


> I think it does sound good, but I always think that shorter is better. I think (esp.) women explain way too much, almost like we are apologizing in advance for perfectly reasonable explanations of perfectly reasonable feelings.
> 
> In my opinion, a few simple lines suffice and pack a lot of punch:
> 
> "I have noticed that you are checking Kim's fb page many times a day. It hurts me deeply that you are so enthralled with another woman that you simply can't stay away. This isn't what marriage is about, at least not for me. If you are unable to really stop all contact, then we have very serious problems with any sort of reconciliation. I won't live my life being hurt daily by this. Who would want that sort of life?"


This BUT you MUST add the consequences for continuing to fb stalk her or have ANY contact albeit direct or indirect.

Remember- you must say what you wont accept and what you'll do if he cant adhere.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

3Xnocharm said:


> I tried this same approach that you have laid out here, and it DOES. NOT. WORK. You will have to be willing to lose him in order to save this, he is not taking ownership of what he has done, and is disrespecting your R.


this.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> This BUT you MUST add the consequences for continuing to fb stalk her or have ANY contact albeit direct or indirect.
> 
> *Remember- you must say what you wont accept and what you'll do if he cant adhere*.




This^
Maybe make it shorter, and like CTU is saying you MUST be willing to follow thru with it, "If you check on her again, you'll come home and I'll be gone or all of your sh1t will be packed sitting on the front steps and you wll be gone... and or you'll be served with divorce papers promptly, I will not continue to stay in a relantionship where I am disrespected, Her or me babe, her or me...choose wisely" 
Mean it, live it!!!!

If he dosent have to face any consequences for his actions, why would he stop?, he needs a real hard wake up call to pull him out of his fog.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

browndogs said:


> ok gonna have to do this via email as if i drop it in person he will try and gloss this over and i wont get it all out. struggling i plagerised some of your post!
> 
> Dear Jeff,
> 
> ...


Last paragraph has to go, you soften up. You should not care how hard it is for him, he is being disrespectful.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

browndogs said:


> ok gonna have to do this via email as if i drop it in person he will try and gloss this over and i wont get it all out. struggling i plagerised some of your post!
> 
> Dear Jeff,
> 
> ...


I just wanted to say that I did "like" this post... btu because you're on the right track. However, I agree with the posters AFTER this one... shorten it and don't falter in your wording. Clear concise, no exceptions. Nothing that can remotely be taken as an "I'm sorry, but this is how it has to be. I know you will be upset and I wish things could be different." kind of talk. No. You say "This way. Take it or leave it. If you don't agree, buh~bye."


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## calmwinds (Dec 10, 2012)

"If this was the case once a day would be enough"

Now he will think it is ok to check it once per day...
Google affair withdrawal. My husband went through it, too. For three months even with NC!


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## ody360 (Feb 1, 2013)

I agree with everyone on here. What scares me the most is if you do keep threatening the face book thing i just wonder how long it will be before he just gets smart and opens a another face book account. Its way to easy to just start a new email account and create and new face book account and it would be hard for you to tell. Once there caught they get smarter and learn from there mistakes. Not to scare you but its the truth. 

Unfortunately you really need to probably start looking into the divorce process. You said it yourself little remorse, keeps checking her face book. He not trying to get passed this he is just buying his time until he feels its safe. Its still possible to message someone who is not your friend. I did it with my wife's fling to tell him he was a peace of crap, we weren't friends and poof i deleted it, no evidence that i did it. He could be messaging her and deleting them immediately and you really have no way of knowing. So you need to put the fear of god in him. He obviously thinks your not gonna go any were so why stop least looking. The biggest clue here is it only took 15 minutes for him to see that you blocked her and then he unblocks her. What a peace of turd. I feel so awful for you, im so sorry.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

2 things, it's a simple ultimatum that you need to have the self respect to back up. Her or you, period, forever. Give him 15 seconds tops, to choose. If he fails to choose you, and quickly, serve him divorce papers

Second, don't trust a word out of his mouth. Keylog the computers he uses, var his car, spyware his cellphone. You will need to begin trusting him, when he seems worthy of it, but until that time, verify everything independently of him.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Delete his account. Do NOT CLOSE IT.. DELETE IT

You have to jump through a bunch of hoops to DELETE an account. The last question is usually they show a friend and they say soandso will miss you. That is how you know your deleting the account. 

Facebook or Marriage, Facebook or Marriage.. To a normal person it should be a no brainer.. 
Again I reiterate normal person.

Good luck


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## browndogs (Mar 11, 2013)

update.....

well that was not a fun conversation. He basically said that i can not tell him what to do and who he can talk to etc. was pissed that i have been in his fbook even tho he gave me his password. thinks i should just trust him and that we took 12 steps back in our r. and to top it all off HE BLOCKED ME!!!!! on fb i'm his f'ing wife. he blocked his wife but not his ap. He unblocked me already. but not before i blew like mt st helens.


finally texted me that he is going to get rid of his facebook. Im still to mad to text him back.


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## naga75 (Jul 5, 2012)

Hes right. You cant tell him who he can talk to. 
But you can tell him who he cant talk to, if he wishes to remain married to you. 
Simple as that. 
I told my wife she was free to do as she wished, go where OM was, stay friends with him, talk to him, etc. She is free to do that. And im free to decide who i will or will not be married to, and what i will or will not tolerate in my marriage. 
Youre free to do that as well. 
If your H cant decide between you an his AP, decide for him. Dont put up with it. I wont. Ever again. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

He thinks that FACEBOOK is the problem?? Like, blocking you or deleting it makes it go away?? Whatever you do, DO NOT back down on this! He is testing you big time, and is not viewing the big picture.


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## browndogs (Mar 11, 2013)

he just called. the man is completely clueless. says he just doesnt get why i have a problem with it and he is cancelling his fb it just gets him in trouble. says he just is looking cuase hes bored.

well hmmm i told him i don't have a problem with facebook, i have a problem with him lloking at her facebook. I have aproblem with that.

do i have to spell it out cripes i thought i did. DO NOT CONTACT OR TALK OR LOOK AT HER on facebook! if you want to be married to me.


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

He is torn.. 

He is fighting with his own demons of deciding before it is too late for him. He has a limited window before he looses this girl and she moves on. So in his head he is going through a checklist of good and bad between the both of you.

Its a catch 22. 

The more you piss him off the more in the negative you go. But you can't let him dictate and decide what he thinks is okay for him to do as it is very obvious he does not.

I think you need to sit him down and calmly explain again what NC is and at every point have him acknowledge that he understands. Sort of like cops reading someone their rights.

Explain to him your going talk to him like he is stupid, but that is NOT your intention. But he really needs to understand that you will NOT TAKE A BACKSEAT to this other person and if tries to do that again you will make up your mind instead of asking him to make up his. 

You need to let him know that he is on his final leg. He needs to understand you are willing to work this all out but that it will not be easy and you will fight much more. That he cannot run away like a little girl because it gets too much for him. He has to look into your eyes and tell you that he loves you and he will do whatever it takes to fix this and then man up and do exactly that.


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## strugglinghusband (Nov 9, 2011)

Browndogs, I'll ask you the same as I just asked another poster on another thread.

"What are you prepared to do about it?" to actually follow thru with.


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## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

Blocking you for a while would be the strategy to employ while moving whatever data he needed somewhere else. Might already have another account set up. 

He isn't clueless. He pretends to be, and is "crazy-making". They pretend you are the one who is being out of line. Making you question your own sanity.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

IMO, there are some things that you should not have to explain more than once to a fully-functioning adult. No contact with an affair partner falls into that category for me. 

Trust me, I get it. You want to explain it to him again. So he knows you're serious. So he understands exactly what is and isn't okay with you. So he gets where you're coming from and what your boundaries are. And because part of you wants to believe he's dumb or that you've been unclear, rather than face the reality that he just doesn't care that he's hurting you. The problem with all that is that it assumes he doesn't already understand. But he _does_. 

He gets it. He knows he's in the wrong. But he doesn't want to do anything about it. It benefits him to play stupid and get you worked up explaining it and trying to get him to understand. Over and over and over. Because while you're busy trying to make him understand things he already knows, he gets time to continue doing what he wants to do. Which, in this case, is avoid a real NC situation with the woman he had an affair with. 

You've told him you require him to have no contact with her. Unless he's got some sort of verifiable mental deficiency, he knows what that means. He's just ignoring it. So, what are you prepared to do about that?


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

Do a search using his email address. I'll bet money it comes up with a new fb acct. Sorry. Youre going to have to install a keylogger on his computer......


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## southernsurf (Feb 22, 2013)

browndogs said:


> You need to stop checking kim facebook page 6 times a day. It is obvious that you are still constantly thinking about her a lot.
> sound good???


I didn't know that you could tell if someone was just checking in on a facebook page. Can the person who owns the page know if a person checking their page but is not a freind?


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

southernsurf said:


> I didn't know that you could tell if someone was just checking in on a facebook page. Can the person who owns the page know if a person checking their page but is not a freind?


I think she ws looking at his fb history using his password. And No you cannot tell who's been on your page like you can with LinkedIn.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

browndogs said:


> he just called. the man is completely clueless. says he just doesnt get why i have a problem with it and he is cancelling his fb it just gets him in trouble. says he just is looking cuase hes bored.
> 
> well hmmm i told him i don't have a problem with facebook, i have a problem with him lloking at her facebook. I have aproblem with that.
> 
> do i have to spell it out cripes i thought i did. DO NOT CONTACT OR TALK OR LOOK AT HER on facebook! if you want to be married to me.


I understand completely, unfortunately it appears that your H does not, so I wanted to jump in here and alert you to a possibility to consider for future reference (which I learned about my own WS).

I assume you know the name of the OW. At some point in the future, when he finally claims to have completely disengaged from the OW (assuming it gets to that point), and if you feel that he consented rather easily, you may have to investigate the OW's facebook account to see if she has any new or suspicious "friends". I found my WS's other facebook account in which he had friended the OW (again).

In brief, using my own facebook account, I went to his account and saw his list of friends. I clicked on one of his close friends (male) and checked out that friend's list. Among the friend's list were TWO accounts that belonged to my WS. Lo and Behold on the other account was the OW (who he had taken off the account that I was aware of).

The point is, he is fighting you on this request and is determined that you should now "trust" him and leave his privacy alone, which opens the door to him being sneaky instead of honest with you. His reluctance to cooperate with your demand should, in and of itself, alert you that more might be going on that he is admitting to. Keep investigating. Trust your gut.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

survivorwife said:


> I understand completely, unfortunately it appears that your H does not, so I wanted to jump in here and alert you to a possibility to consider for future reference (which I learned about my own WS).
> 
> I assume you know the name of the OW. At some point in the future, when he finally claims to have completely disengaged from the OW (assuming it gets to that point), and if you feel that he consented rather easily, you may have to investigate the OW's facebook account to see if she has any new or suspicious "friends". I found my WS's other facebook account in which he had friended the OW (again).
> 
> ...


Above all trust your gut. Listen to your head and NOT your heart. Your heart will lead you astray right now. Your head and gut though, they know the way. IF you use your head, you will outthink a WS EVERY time bc they are so irrational that they get stupid and sloppy. ANd they take you for the stupid little wifey. Use that to your advantage. It was my h's biggest error, assuming me to be a dumbass. Checkmate.


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

canttrustu said:


> Above all trust your gut. Listen to your head and NOT your heart. Your heart will lead you astray right now. Your heart and gut though, they know the way. IF you use your head, you will outthink a WS EVERY time bc they are so irrational that they get stupid and sloppy. ANd they take you for the stupid little wifey. Use that to your advantage. *It was my h's biggest error, assuming me to be a dumbass. Checkmate*.


My H's biggest error as well.


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

survivorwife said:


> and leave his privacy alone,


Ues, he is silly. This is funny to me when people or MCs suggest this crap is okay.
You want privacy? Then stay single or get a divorce. I'm not talking about sitting around with friends and talking trash. Of course there is going to be some privacy, but an OW or OM? Please.


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