# What to Do With Wife's Friends and Family



## Ten_year_hubby

In the middle of our divorce negotiations, my wife changed her mind and decided to try getting back together and that's what we are doing.

My problem is that she had a lot of help from her (mostly single or divorced) friends and her family in plotting, escalating our problems and eventually filing for divorce. With the exception of the worst of them, I don't know who or whether any of these people are on board with my wife's trying to reconcile. I'm not even 100% sure who all is involved but I can say unequivocally that they are enemies of me and my children, none of them have owned up to their actions and I don't owe any of them anything except to pray for them as instructed by the word. I do know who all is 100 clear and I have no quarrel with them.

What (if anything) do I do here?


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## Confused_and_bitter

Is there any way you can isolate yourselves from those people? I have seen the destruction toxic people can cause and it doesn't help when the couple is trying to work things out. My brother and his ex were trying to reconcile but constant badgering from her single cousins and her refusal to not talk to them made it impossible.
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## Ten_year_hubby

Easier said than done. This is not much problem for me, but my wife is attached to her friends. And although I know who's good and who's bad, more than a few fall in the middle. I'm not inclined to give anyone the benefit of the doubt unless they are willing to enter some kind of dialog with me so I can feel them out. But I can't prohibit my wife from associating with her friends.

Interestingly, my wife has made one special friend the subject of a substantial revision of the facts to try to improve my opinion of this person while I know full well that this friend was/is a primary influence in destroying our marriage.


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## Shaggy

The best weapon in your arsenal may be a huge smile. Be super nice to them especially the worst ones. It will freak them out
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## SUZIWORD

From my own personal experience she has to stop talking. Not to them but about ya'lls problems, etc. As for me I allowed everyone and I mean everyone into my circle. Boy if my husband and I were having problems everyone would know my side of the story. Well of course family and close friends are going to take your side and that is where the problem starts. They want to protect you and to make sure your okay, but b/c you have told them your problems makes them feel they have the ight to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. If you don't tell they don't know. I am not saying not talk to anyone, but you have to have that one person you can confide in that doesn't pass judgement, etc., that just listens and says no matter what I support your decisions. At least that is how all this is working out for me. Even if she is telling them things are all good now all they hear is sure.....she is just faking it. So, just keep on keeping on and the ones that matter will still be there and the ones that don't will definitely go away.


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## Ten_year_hubby

SUZIWORD said:


> Well of course family and close friends are going to take your side and that is where the problem starts. They want to protect you and to make sure your okay, but b/c you have told them your problems makes them feel they have the right to tell you what you should and shouldn't do. ... Even if she is telling them things are all good now all they hear is sure.....she is just faking it. .. the ones that don't will definitely go away.


I can't help but notice that not one of these people can be bothered to lift a finger to help us when our marriage is struggling but as soon as the smell of blood is in the air they can't line up fast enough to give their support for breaking up our marriage. Their (misguided) energies are reserved for putting it to the evil man and giving him what he deserves, there is nothing at all for a two parent family. None of them can even recommend a babysitter let alone perform a single act that helps with the load my wife and I shoulder in home maintenance and childcare. It is only my friends and family that provide any material assistance to help us as a married couple. I have to say that I'm not real pleased


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## brighterlight

Ten_year_hubby said:


> I can't help but notice that not one of these people can be bothered to lift a finger to help us when our marriage is struggling but as soon as the smell of blood is in the air they can't line up fast enough to give their support for breaking up our marriage. Their (misguided) energies are reserved for putting it to the evil man and giving him what he deserves, there is nothing at all for a two parent family. None of them can even recommend a babysitter let alone perform a single act that helps with the load my wife and I shoulder in home maintenance and childcare. It is only my friends and family that provide any material assistance to help us as a married couple. I have to say that I'm not real pleased


OMG, the family dynamics, yes. Mine is the other way around. My W's family kept a cordial relationship with me while we were having our separation. It is my mom and dad and mostly, my sister that are left to bring out of the "dark side." I know they felt as if they were trying to defend me but all I really wanted was just their loving support not rude or negative comments about my W. We have been together for over 37 years, you don't just toss someone like that aside, no matter what. So NOW, my W and I are reconciling, so far so good, but my parents and sister have hurt and angered my W so deeply that she doesn't feel like she could ever have a relationship with them again. That leaves me feeling hurt and sad; I am not used to being at family gatherings without her and now I am afraid I will have to get used to splitting my time betwee her and my family. I pray to God that these ill and shameful feelings will fade away and we can all be a complete family again. At least my W and I have a great start at our new relationship.


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