# Ladies NO SEX after some drinks



## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

My wife will not have sex with me if I have been drinking. NOW I understand if I am sloppy drunk but if your husband has had under UNDER 12 beers even 2 BEERS do you have a rule against no sex..By the way she has had a few usually too. I know it is not always the best sex but still is it ok to have a rule NO SEX NO MATTER HOW MANY BEERS.. Please be non bias.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Only if he has had less than 11.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Spicy said:


> Only if he has had less than 11.


No seriously..lol


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

Under 12 beers sounds like a drinking problem to me. My wife's best friend married a guy who kept denying that he was not an alcoholic because he only drank beer when he was not working. I used to go fishing with him, but for him it was an opportunity to drink two six packs without his wife knowing. His wife divorced him when she found him in a bar drinking beer with their two year old son on his lap. Still says he does not have a drinking problem. 

I feel sorry for anyone who marries someone who likes to drink to excess even if they think it is not excess. For me and all of my friends, 3 beers are the most we have when we go to a bar. We are not pansies either. We are all ex combat vets and pretty big guys with battle scars on our bodies and faces. We are just smart enough to not let alcohol ruin our lives as it has done to some of our buddies who came back from Nam messed up and turned to drink.

My wife's parents were both beer alcoholics. My poor wife had to raise her younger sister and brother when she was 15. He dad would get violent and beat his kids no bad that they had to be hospitalized. Back in our day the police did not get involved in family problems unless someone pressed charges. My wife to this day fears making a mistake because she used to be beaten if she did. I saw it go from just a six pack at night to 3-4 six packs a night over the course of a few years. Luckily they both died in their mid sixties and their funerals were the only ones I went to where people were happy about the deceased's deaths. 

I feel sorry for you wife and I can see that she is trying to control your drinking by withholding sex and I want to tell her that it will not work. My friend just started cheating on his wife with a female alcoholic who gave him all the sex he wanted. He ended up marrying that girl after his divorced and came to visit us since he was an old friend of ours. His new girlfriend had crude tattoos on her. Not the nice ones you normally see. She was in prison twice and was not shy about telling us that she was committing welfare fraud. We never saw them again.

Best thing to do is get help because if you cannot limit your drinking to just 2-3 beers a night, you have a drinking problem whether you want to admit it or not. If you keep going like you are it is not going to end well. Get help and stop fooling yourself.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> ... but if your husband has had under 12 beers do you have a rule against no sex.. I know it is not always the best sex but still is it ok to have a rule NONE EVER.. Please be non bias.


To request a non-biased response is not particularly realistic, is it? I mean, c'mon ... LESS THAN 12 BEERS??? If you drink, say, eight beers, you are going to be pretty darned buzzed. I doubt either party involved in sex is going to feel it's a stellar experience. After all, booze increases the appetite but decreases the performance.

I didn't have "rules" in my marriage. Maybe you should revisit your expectations, rather than labeling them as "rules." How the hell old are you anyway???


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

My husband never drinks more than 2 at a time... the only people I have ever known who drank as much as you are describing were true "Alcoholics".. I generally sympathize with those who want more sex, but in this instance.. I totally sympathize with your wife..


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

My H is a RA and tbh I hated the smell of beer on him of any number. A spouse ought to be respectful and not stink of beer or smoke (he smokes and I hate it), so yes for me there won't be any action as it's a real turn off and if he doesn't like it then he knows what to do. It is akin to a spouse coming to bed stinking of BO, why should your wife put up with that? 
When you were courting her, I am sure you made sure you had clean minty breath, lots of deodorant etc, why should the standards change now? Women like a bit of wooing, so keep your stinky breathe, I totally get your wife here. it is not as if there isn't a solution, maybe the problem is not the smell it is the number of beers you drink?


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

I don't get why your wife is such a stick in the mud.

There ain't nuthin' better than having some drunk with whiskey **** pounding away at you for 35 minutes with a raging semi-hard on while blasting beer breath into your face with each stroke. Personally, that's Nirvana for most women.

Your wife's a real diva, ain't she?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Was this after you went home from the bar where she was talking to some other guy and you got pissed?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I know that I wasn't exactly enthralled to have sex with my RSXW, whose daily drinking regimen was almost always:

3PM-6PM: 2 to 3 ea. Smirnoff Ice's
6PM-10PM: 2/3 to a whole 750 ml. Bottle of Beringers White Zinfandel 
10PM-2AM: 2 to 3 ea. 12 ounce glasses of Baileys Irish Cream

She smelled much like an alcoholic in rehab! In that state, I simply didn't want to touch her!

Having said and experienced that, I cannot help but agree with your wife's point of view!*


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## Don't Panic (Apr 2, 2017)

After 12 beers... No, I would not have sex with my husband. We both enjoy our *quality* encounters, too much alcohol consumed (by either of us) negatively effects that. Been there done that when younger. Fun at first, yet ultimately an exercise in frustration for both. It's not a rule, just a preference. We like craft beer, which can be potent, and we are moderate social drinkers. Typically 2-3 over a 3-4 hour span. 

I also would not find my husband attractive or desirable if he regularly consumed 12 beers (or less). It's happened...a guy's golf outing on an empty stomach comes to mind, a couple wedding receptions, those occurrences are rare. No, he did not get sex in those instances lol, just a hang-over.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

After 12 beers I am surprised you can even see your wife.

You have problems.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I don't get why your wife is such a stick in the mud.
> 
> There ain't nuthin' better than having some drunk with whiskey **** pounding away at you for 35 minutes with a raging semi-hard on while blasting beer breath into your face with each stroke. Personally, that's Nirvana for most women.
> 
> Your wife's a real diva, ain't she?


To quote a cable guy

"I dont care who you are, thats funny."


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> My wife will not have sex with me if I have been drinking. NOW I understand if I am sloppy drunk but if your husband has had under 12 beers do you have a rule against no sex..By the way she has had a few usually too. I know it is not always the best sex but still is it ok to have a rule NONE EVER.. Please be non bias.


It really depends on how drunk a person is. My almost ex-wife has a drinking problem, and for a few years now I too have had a rule that if she is drunk that I will not have sex. When she's drunk, it's boring. Slightly or decently buzzed she can be a lot of fun, more so then when she's sober, lol, but when she's drunk she just lays there and does nothing. And since she just lays there, and doesn't seem into it at all, after I finish, that's it and I'm done. Then she starts an argument when I don't want to go at it again. It's like I'm sorry, for round 1 I can get it up no problem. For round 2 or 3 I need to see that she's at least into it and wants it.


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## TheBohannons (Apr 6, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I don't get why your wife is such a stick in the mud.
> 
> There ain't nuthin' better than having some drunk with whiskey **** pounding away at you for 35 minutes with a raging semi-hard on while blasting beer breath into your face with each stroke. Personally, that's Nirvana for most women.
> 
> Your wife's a real diva, ain't she?


But it is a lot of fun when it is the reverse. As a matter of fact, i will purposely stay sober on GNO.

Damn right I am going to take advantage of that situation.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Hmmm....
As a man, I wouldn't want to have sex with a woman who had been drinking at such a level. 

I'm not a big fan of alcohol to begin with, so maybe my answer has some of that bias you wanted to avoid. But on the other hand, I'm a huge fan of sex, so if this really wasn't a big deal, I'd be happy to overlook it. 

But the bottom line is that for me to enjoy sex:
1. The woman must be in full possession of her faculties
2. The woman should be in full control of her actions, aside maybe from some temporary setting aside of self control based strictly on chemistry/attraction rather than something external/artificially induced
3. The woman must be choosing to do so in spit of any natural inhibitions rather than having those inhibitions artificially reduced or eliminated
4. She must not stink of booze

Those are not particularly onerous expectations, and I wouldn't dream of not meeting them myself as I approach a woman I supposedly love and respect.


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## WonkyNinja (Feb 28, 2013)

MattMatt said:


> After 12 beers I am surprised you can even see your wife.
> 
> You have problems.


He's probably talking about Bud or Bud Light. 12 beers is probably the equivalent of an unfinished pint in the UK. And the air in the empty part of the unfinished pint glass has more flavor and texture than the Bud Light as well.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Hmmm....
> As a man, I wouldn't want to have sex with a woman who had been drinking at such a level.
> 
> I'm not a big fan of alcohol to begin with, so maybe my answer has some of that bias you wanted to avoid. But on the other hand, I'm a huge fan of sex, so if this really wasn't a big deal, I'd be happy to overlook it.
> ...


I agree with you for the most part.

Myself not a huge fan of alcohol. One of my favorite quotes is Homer Simpsons "alcohol, the cause of, and the solution to, all of our problems." :grin2:

I just differ slightly in that _slight_ lowering of inhibitions can make for some enjoyable sex that may lead to discovery by either participant. However this is a VERY fine line and I fall in line with your thinking if I must err to either side. So I guess number 3 is the only area I differ. And that is slight.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Mrs. Conan doesn't like the smell but will love my socks off as long as I don't smell like a brewery and am not sloppy.

I usually only have two or three unless it is a long night get together and then I will probably have up to 6 with a lot of food as well. I do not get drunk.

I don't like drunk sex and have never even tried.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

WonkyNinja said:


> He's probably talking about Bud or Bud Light. 12 beers is probably the equivalent of an unfinished pint in the UK. And the air in the empty part of the unfinished pint glass has more flavor and texture than the Bud Light as well.


Can't agree more!:smile2:


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

WonkyNinja said:


> He's probably talking about Bud or Bud Light. 12 beers is probably the equivalent of an unfinished pint in the UK. And the air in the empty part of the unfinished pint glass has more flavor and texture than the Bud Light as well.


Even 12 bud lights (4.2% alcohol) would be equal to about 2 bottles of wine. Thats a lot. If this is a regular occurrence, I don't blame her for turning him down. Nor would I blame her for turning him down simply for the fact he drank 12 bud lights alcohol not even being considered. lol


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> My wife will not have sex with me if I have been drinking. NOW I understand if I am sloppy drunk but if your husband has had under 12 beers do you have a rule against no sex..By the way she has had a few usually too. I know it is not always the best sex but still is it ok to have a rule NONE EVER.. Please be non bias.


I would stay away from bars where I might be tempted to leave her and fight. Then you can avoid drinking and her having any conversations other than with you!

Look, I solved 2 problems.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

12 beers? Seriously? Cases aren't for individual consumption.

Both my husband and I enjoy social drinking, but we do not drink in excess....

Buzzed sex can be really fun, but my preference would be that we are both on the same plain. Be it sober, or buzzed from sharing a bottle of wine or a few cocktails (last night we grilled and I made tiki drinks).

But if he was drunk and I was sober? I wouldn't be into that.

12 beers? I would address his drinking problem.


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## Edo Edo (Feb 21, 2017)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> My wife will not have sex with me if I have been drinking. NOW I understand if I am sloppy drunk but if your husband has had under 12 beers do you have a rule against no sex..By the way she has had a few usually too. I know it is not always the best sex but still is it ok to have a rule NONE EVER.. Please be non bias.



I understand where you are coming from. No one likes to be told "no." And yes, it does seem pretty close minded to be told "none ever." However, there is a part you are missing. After 12 beers, only two possible scenarios are going to occur between you and her.

A.) Either you pounded a bunch beers relatively fast and you are on the tipsier side of drunk. This is fun for you but not for sober her having to take care of you (in more ways than one).

OR

B.) You've been ignoring her and her needs for the better part of the day and are only tearing yourself away from your beer and buddies for long enough to get some lovin' in before you pass out.


Do either of these scenarios appear favorable to her in any way?


I'm pretty sure this is not coming out of a vacuum either. My guess is that she has tried to speak with you about your drinking in the past and her concerns have gone ignored. Thus, she feels forced to now take on more drastic measures now. As a guy, trying to decipher subtle hints from females sucks, but now you are experiencing what "non-subtle" hints are starting to look like. 

My advice is to tone down on the suds for awhile...


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Twelve beers is a drinking problem. You are an alcoholic. I'm sure she is sick of the drinking for hours and then wanting sex. It's gross, you stink, and then you snore like a freight train. There's no quality of life where the evening is filled with pounding beers (or any other alcohol). I resented the attention he gave to indulging himself in his drinking every night and then expecting me to meet his needs afterwards. Ugh, divorce almost final.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

12 beers? If you were my husband I would have divorced you when you got up to 4 beers on a regular basis. So there would be no chance of sex after 12.

The smell of alcohol detoxing from the sweat glands is not attractive to me.

Plus I wouldn't be interested in being married to an alcoholic or binge drinker and all that comes with that.

Evidently, your wife's limit for sex with you is 11 beers. Consider yourself lucky you are married to a woman who doesn't mind being married to an alcoholic.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

LTCNurse said:


> Twelve beers is a drinking problem. You are an alcoholic. *I'm sure she is sick of the drinking for hours and then wanting sex. *It's gross, you stink, and then you snore like a freight train. There's no quality of life where the evening is filled with pounding beers (or any other alcohol). I resented the attention he gave to indulging himself in his drinking every night and then expecting me to meet his needs afterwards. Ugh, divorce almost final.


I think this is a very important point. Even if we set aside the obvious alcohol problem, the fact is that spending the evening knocking back a half dozen or more brews is not foreplay. 

Lets assume, just for sake of argument, you are not an alcoholic and that plays no part here (which is doubtful). She wants, and deserves, to be wooed. You can't do that while you're swilling up to a dozen beers. She might be a whole lot more receptive if you put your time, money, and most importantly effort, into her instead of a pony keg.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

If you are not happy to moderate your drinking in order for your wife to enjoy sex with you, you have an alcohol problem.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

uhtred said:


> If you are not happy to moderate your drinking in order for your wife to enjoy sex with you, you have an alcohol problem.


Isnt that one of the signs of being an alcoholic?

"If your wife wont bone you after you pound 2 sixers, and that pisses you off, you might be an alcoholic."

I think that's how it goes.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> The smell of alcohol detoxing from the sweat glands is not attractive to me.


My husband didn't have that problem because he drank a lot of water afterward but the open mouth snoring allowed the room to be filled with the alcohol smell. If I got up to go to the bathroom and came back in the room, the smell made me slightly nauseous. The whole routine of the evening where I didn't exist, the increased libido from being under the influence of alcohol, the selfishness of NOW I exist after hours of alcohol and internet brousing….nope. And this was an every night routine.


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I am sorry but I am heavy drinker and I can't even give you a pass on 12 beers. That's a lot!!! Don't get me wrong if I am tailgating with my college buddies I can drink 12 beers in 6 to 8 hours, but its not a normal thing. I also wouldn't expect to get lucky if I am wasted and my partner isn't. There are times when you both happen to be tipsy like on vacation or something, but for the most part being drunk pretty much ruins sex.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

LTCNurse said:


> My husband didn't have that problem because he drank a lot of water afterward but the open mouth snoring allowed the room to be filled with the alcohol smell. If I got up to go to the bathroom and came back in the room, the smell made me slightly nauseous. The whole routine of the evening where I didn't exist, the increased libido from being under the influence of alcohol, the selfishness of NOW I exist after hours of alcohol and internet brousing….nope. And this was an every night routine.


Interesting. I didn't know there was a way to disguise the alcohol detoxing through the skin.

My father was a functioning alcoholic. I remember the smell of the alcohol detoxing from his skin the next day, and every day. He was an evening drinker, and not a fall-down drunk, but very controlled. Maybe only 4-5 drinks a night. He might start with a mixed drink, then a beer or glass of wine or two, then a double "after dinner drink" of a liqueur, cognac or Grappa in his after dinner espresso. Every night. 

My older brother drank a 6 pack every night when he became an adult. He combined it with pot. Numb every night to escape the realities and feelings of life.

Alcoholism has many "styles."


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> My father was a functioning alcoholic.



Counselors dislike that term because it gives a pass to alcoholics that they are able to hold their life together. But in reality...it isn't functional. It is affecting their family relationships. It caused my divorce because he could not NOT drink. He couldn't (or wouldn't) change his routine. He was resentful that I was attempting to change it and he became verbally abusive when I attempted to change the every night dynamic. The root of our dysfunction was the alcoholism. Don't mask the problem, address it, before lives fall apart because they will. A six pack (or more) a night on a regular basis is never going to be ok.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

LTCNurse said:


> Counselors dislike that term because it gives a pass to alcoholics that they are able to hold their life together. But in reality...it isn't functional. It is affecting their family relationships. It caused my divorce because he could not NOT drink. He couldn't (or wouldn't) change his routine. He was resentful that I was attempting to change it and he became verbally abusive when I attempted to change the every night dynamic. The root of our dysfunction was the alcoholism. Don't mask the problem, address it, before lives fall apart because they will. A six pack (or more) a night on a regular basis is never going to be ok.


By functioning, I mean that he never missed a day of work. He was not emotionally functional at home. He was an alcoholic. Because he never missed a day of work, and was never arrested for being drunk he was able to mask it from my mother and most of society. But he and my mother's dynamic was not healthy and cheated/ affected the children.


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> By functioning, I mean that he never missed a day of work. He was not emotionally functional at home. He was an alcoholic. Because he never missed a day of work, and was never arrested for being drunk he was able to mask it from my mother and most of society. But he and my mother's dynamic was not healthy and cheated/ affected the children.


I knew what you meant from another thread. I just don't want OP or anyone else who reads this and hasn't faced their alcoholism to give themselves a pass because they "go to work everyday." That's a small part of being functional.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Spicy said:


> Only if he has had less than 11.


This rule and only if he is on top!
------wait------
Only if he is on the bottom!

Let me think about this...

If he is on top, his arms will give out and he will collapse and smother you.
His exhausted hips will stop pumping.

If he is on the bottom, you will put pressure on his full, gas-filled belly, he will burp and spit....up.
OK, wear a barf rag...

Oh, boy....


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> This rule and only if he is on top!
> ------wait------
> Only if he is on the bottom!
> 
> ...



LOL!!! What a pretty picture you paint! Who could resist THIS?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

LTCNurse said:


> Counselors dislike that term because it gives a pass to alcoholics that they are able to hold their life together. But in reality...it isn't functional. It is affecting their family relationships. It caused my divorce because he could not NOT drink. He couldn't (or wouldn't) change his routine. He was resentful that I was attempting to change it and he became verbally abusive when I attempted to change the every night dynamic. The root of our dysfunction was the alcoholism. Don't mask the problem, address it, before lives fall apart because they will. A six pack (or more) a night on a regular basis is never going to be ok.


Amen!


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> After 12 beers I am surprised you can even see your wife.
> 
> You have problems.


When I’m in Ireland or Scotland I drink Guinness.Their pints are twenty ounce.
After twelve of them I couldn’t raise a smile never mind a ****


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

You know, it's ok if the two of you are having a night out and have a few and catch a nice little buzz and want to have a little drunk monkey sex....occasionally....once in a while. But while you are pounding down a few, whether its every night or just weekends, and getting to your happy place doesn't mean she is....and is probably disgusted at the thought of even having to look at you and the thought that you "just wanna have sex". How old are you and your wife?? Is this 12 beers on a daily basis? Weekly or weekend only? Two times a month? 

No. No sex even if he has had one. Because my husband is a vodka drinker and drinks (almost) every day. It has caused problems in our marriage, with our finances, his health (No. 1.....ED, along with his heart attack and heart related problems), etc. I was tired of the way we would have sex and the way our sex life was. I can't stand when he comes to bed and he reeks of alcohol. It's just not fun and very fair to me. I'm not getting any enjoyment out of it. I put a boundary on it...no sex when you have had a drink, cause you can't F*** your wife with a limp D***, especially after you have a few. He continues to drink (almost daily) and we haven't had sex for a year now. 

Not very many wives want to deal with a "partner" doing this to themselves and to them. Take a good hard look at yourself and your drinking habits. Decide what it more important to you and to your wife and family.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> This rule and only if he is on top!
> ------wait------
> Only if he is on the bottom!
> 
> ...


Oh Sun...you are by far my favorite poster. :rofl::rofl:


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> To request a non-biased response is not particularly realistic, is it? I mean, c'mon ... LESS THAN 12 BEERS??? If you drink, say, eight beers, you are going to be pretty darned buzzed. I doubt either party involved in sex is going to feel it's a stellar experience. After all, booze increases the appetite but decreases the performance.
> 
> I didn't have "rules" in my marriage. Maybe you should revisit your expectations, rather than labeling them as "rules." How the hell old are you anyway???


41.. I only said under 12 because I wanted to get an idea of how many is to many for for most people is it ok or not ok.. I just think NO alcohol no sex is ridiculous Not to mention this is a fairly new rule


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Speculating, it sounds like the sex isn't all that great when you or she or both have been drinking. If that's the case, why expect sex if you know you're not going to be at your best? If you were dating her and trying to impress her, would you be sober or drunk? Sounds like you take her and sex with her, for granted, and that's how she sees it when you expect sex when you're not at your best (sober)


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> I don't get why your wife is such a stick in the mud.
> 
> There ain't nuthin' better than having some drunk with whiskey **** pounding away at you for 35 minutes with a raging semi-hard on while blasting beer breath into your face with each stroke. Personally, that's Nirvana for most women.
> 
> Your wife's a real diva, ain't she?


Yes she is a Diva, and I just think her NO ALCOHOL rule is ridiculous but I thought well maybe I am being ridiculous.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Cooper said:


> Was this after you went home from the bar where she was talking to some other guy and you got pissed?


No lol.. This has nothing to do with that.. this has been a rule for a while


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Don't Panic said:


> After 12 beers... No, I would not have sex with my husband. We both enjoy our *quality* encounters, too much alcohol consumed (by either of us) negatively effects that. Been there done that when younger. Fun at first, yet ultimately an exercise in frustration for both. It's not a rule, just a preference. We like craft beer, which can be potent, and we are moderate social drinkers. Typically 2-3 over a 3-4 hour span.
> 
> I also would not find my husband attractive or desirable if he regularly consumed 12 beers (or less). It's happened...a guy's golf outing on an empty stomach comes to mind, a couple wedding receptions, those occurrences are rare. No, he did not get sex in those instances lol, just a hang-over.


I didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because I don't like count..Sometimes 4 Sometimes 6 but never over 12


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

ReformedHubby said:


> I am sorry but I am heavy drinker and I can't even give you a pass on 12 beers. That's a lot!!! Don't get me wrong if I am tailgating with my college buddies I can drink 12 beers in 6 to 8 hours, but its not a normal thing. I also wouldn't expect to get lucky if I am wasted and my partner isn't. There are times when you both happen to be tipsy like on vacation or something, but for the most part being drunk pretty much ruins sex.


I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> 41.. I only said under 12 because I wanted to get an idea of how many is to many for for most people is it ok or not ok.. I just think NO alcohol no sex is ridiculous Not to mention this is a fairly new rule


On those nights that you rub bottoms....
On those nights, do not rub the 'getting empty' bottoms of beer on his palate.

If you do, do not rub them close to his sexual appetite, 
Turn up the hop-hip music, fill his glass...
But, set it out of reach.

Let him drink only 'Near Beer'.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Don't Panic said:


> After 12 beers... No, I would not have sex with my husband. We both enjoy our *quality* encounters, too much alcohol consumed (by either of us) negatively effects that. Been there done that when younger. Fun at first, yet ultimately an exercise in frustration for both. It's not a rule, just a preference. We like craft beer, which can be potent, and we are moderate social drinkers. Typically 2-3 over a 3-4 hour span.
> 
> I also would not find my husband attractive or desirable if he regularly consumed 12 beers (or less). It's happened...a guy's golf outing on an empty stomach comes to mind, a couple wedding receptions, those occurrences are rare. No, he did not get sex in those instances lol, just a hang-over.



I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

My ex had a similar rule. She didn't like to have sex after I drank even one beer because she said I "lasted too long". Honestly every woman I have been with since has asked WTH is wrong with her. Usually it is the opposite problem. I went ten years without drinking. turns out it didn't matter anyways. No sex with alcohol was just the prelude to "no sex, when sweating", 'no sex, I have to work tomorrow", "no sex, I have a meeting tomorrow", "no sex, it is supposed to be cold tomorrow", I think eventually she got tired and it just became "no sex".


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> After 12 beers I am surprised you can even see your wife.
> 
> You have problems.



I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

AtMyEnd said:


> It really depends on how drunk a person is. My almost ex-wife has a drinking problem, and for a few years now I too have had a rule that if she is drunk that I will not have sex. When she's drunk, it's boring. Slightly or decently buzzed she can be a lot of fun, more so then when she's sober, lol, but when she's drunk she just lays there and does nothing. And since she just lays there, and doesn't seem into it at all, after I finish, that's it and I'm done. Then she starts an argument when I don't want to go at it again. It's like I'm sorry, for round 1 I can get it up no problem. For round 2 or 3 I need to see that she's at least into it and wants it.



I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

MattMatt said:


> After 12 beers I am surprised you can even see your wife.
> 
> You have problems.


I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


There a re a lot of explanations for this rule. One could be she really hates beer breath. The other could be she thinks you have a drinking problem. From you asking the question I think a lot of people here are assuming this rule has been enforced quite often which would tend to lead one to believe you drink basically everyday. If you drink a number of drinks, she might think you have a problem and is trying to control the drinking through sex. Try switching to wine instead of beer see how she reacts.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Ynot said:


> My ex had a similar rule. She didn't like to have sex after I drank even one beer because she said I "lasted too long". Honestly every woman I have been with since has asked WTH is wrong with her. Usually it is the opposite problem. I went ten years without drinking. turns out it didn't matter anyways. No sex with alcohol was just the prelude to "no sex, when sweating", 'no sex, I have to work tomorrow", "no sex, I have a meeting tomorrow", "no sex, it is supposed to be cold tomorrow", I think eventually she got tired and it just became "no sex".


LOL That is not the case here we have plenty of sex if I have not had a drink...


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> My wife will not have sex with me if I have been drinking. NOW I understand if I am sloppy drunk but if your husband has had under 12 beers do you have a rule against no sex..By the way she has had a few usually too. I know it is not always the best sex but still is it ok to have a rule NONE EVER.. Please be non bias.


Woaaaaaaa you measure by under TWELVE beers? I don't have a rule such as it has never come up. But I would not have sex with someone who was loaded or someone who can have 11 beers and not be.


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## I shouldnthave (Apr 11, 2018)

Maybe communication is the issue.

Have you ever asked her why she says no sex after drinking? Do you know what her reason is?

It doesn't matter what we think, we aren't married to you. It's your spouses opinion that matters.

Why did she set this rule? Because she is a big meanie, or does she have a reason for not wanting to have sex with you after you drink?

When it comes to sex, desire is important - why doesn't she desire you after you have drank?


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> LOL That is not the case here we have plenty of sex if I have not had a drink...


So DID we.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> My wife will not have sex with me if I have been drinking. NOW I understand if I am sloppy drunk but if your husband has had under UNDER 12 beers even 2 BEERS do you have a rule against no sex..By the way she has had a few usually too. I know it is not always the best sex but still is it ok to have a rule NO SEX NO MATTER HOW MANY BEERS.. Please be non bias.


PLEASE pay attention to the edit!!! 
I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> To request a non-biased response is not particularly realistic, is it? I mean, c'mon ... LESS THAN 12 BEERS??? If you drink, say, eight beers, you are going to be pretty darned buzzed. I doubt either party involved in sex is going to feel it's a stellar experience. After all, booze increases the appetite but decreases the performance.
> 
> I didn't have "rules" in my marriage. Maybe you should revisit your expectations, rather than labeling them as "rules." How the hell old are you anyway???


Prodigal what else would you call it? It is not a request..It's a rule period..Not an expectation..NO SEX IF I DRINK...RULE


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I like beer, but I'll be the first to admit that beer smells bad. Really bad. Even just 2 of them.

Ever smell an empty beer can that's been left out for a couple of hours? Now imagine that smell coming out of your mouth.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

No sex if you drink or no sex if you drink beer?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> 41.. I only said under 12 because I wanted to get an idea of how many is to many for for most people is it ok or not ok.. I just think NO alcohol no sex is ridiculous Not to mention this is a fairly new rule


I would think rules in this context are symptomatic of other problems. You may be looking at a side issue.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I really didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because it varies but never over 12.. point is THE rule is even if I have had 2 beers NO SEX get it


This is weird. You are quibbling over numbers so you don't have to count. Why do you have rules? And why do you quibble over the number of beers? Would you LIKE a rule that said sex = beers < x where x is some fixed number? That is just really weird.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Drinking equals NO SEX
Not drinking Sex is great.
Maybe you should try drinking after sex.
Since this is a fairly new rule, and your 
other tread related to your wife ( Bar)
Your wife may be trying to get you to 
stop drinking, 

As i suggested on your other thread 
you and your wife might want to stop 
drinking for a while. See if thins improve
then in your relationship. Dinner, movies, 
date night, just go for a walk with her
now and then.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

OP, you've said there's plenty of sex when you don't drink. It would seem simple enough to not drink on the occasions when you want to have sex, as clearly your drinking bothers your wife. If not drinking so that you can have sex seems like too much bother to you, then you're prioritizing the alcohol. That's your choice to make, obviously, but do understand that it _is_ a choice. 

Any other areas of your life where you may be prioritizing the alcohol? In other words, has your wife set this boundary because she's tired of dealing with your drinking habits in other ways as well?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Fozzy said:


> I like beer, but I'll be the first to admit that beer smells bad. Really bad. Even just 2 of them.
> 
> Ever smell an empty beer can that's been left out for a couple of hours? Now imagine that smell coming out of your mouth.


Not just your mouth. Regular drinking is a bit like being a smoker. Eventually, that scent pervades your entire being. Your sweat, your breath, you hair, your skin, and any other bodily secretions you might happen to have. It _all _smells/tastes like sour booze and hangover breath. Kinda the opposite of sexy.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> No sex if you drink or no sex if you drink beer?


No Sex if I drink period


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> This is weird. You are quibbling over numbers so you don't have to count. Why do you have rules? And why do you quibble over the number of beers? Would you LIKE a rule that said sex = beers < x where x is some fixed number? That is just really weird.


No it is just people keep posting things like I am surprised you can see after 12 beers or If you are drinking 12 beers then you have a problem..when clearly they didn't pay attention to the post.. I am just trying to get them to go back and read the post.. that is all


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

The only thing I can take from this is like I and others have said before is she thinks you have a drinking problem. Honestly, how often do you drink and typically how many drinks do you have.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Rowan said:


> Not just your mouth. Regular drinking is a bit like being a smoker. Eventually, that scent pervades your entire being. Your sweat, your breath, you hair, your skin, and any other bodily secretions you might happen to have. It _all _smells/tastes like sour booze and hangover breath. Kinda the opposite of sexy.


It was never a problem 5 years ago for 15 years and she has a few usually too


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> No it is just people keep posting things like I am surprised you can see after 12 beers or If you are drinking 12 beers then you have a problem..when clearly they didn't pay attention to the post.. I am just trying to get them to go back and read the post.. that is all


Well... the thing that people post with the things that are most important. What is important to you? You originally specified something about an upper limit then admitted that the limit is greater than 0. Most people don't have numbers based limits like this. WHY does your wife not want to have sex with you if you have been drinking. You have ignored those posts. It is very common for people with drinking problems to ignore questions which might point that out. Does your wife think you have a drinking problem? Is she trying to set boundaries around that for herself? DO you have a drinking problem?


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> The only thing I can take from this is like I and others have said before is she thinks you have a drinking problem. Honestly, how often do you drink and typically how many drinks do you have.


I couldn't give you an exact number on either or.. Just don't keep track.. I defiantly drink to much... I am to old to be in that whole denial stage..Please don't go into the whole get help thing I have been through a lot in life.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Just stop drinking and enjoy the sex 
and being with your wife.

You can live and be in a happy marriage
without drinking. Can you be in a happy
marriage without SEX ?

Your marriage and life you decide which one is 
more important to you. Drinking or your marriage/sex.

I think your wife is trying to tell you something and you should 
listen carefully.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> Well... the thing that people post with the things that are most important. What is important to you? You originally specified something about an upper limit then admitted that the limit is greater than 0. Most people don't have numbers based limits like this. WHY does your wife not want to have sex with you if you have been drinking. You have ignored those posts. It is very common for people with drinking problems to ignore questions which might point that out. Does your wife think you have a drinking problem? Is she trying to set boundaries around that for herself? DO you have a drinking problem?


Do you think for one second that by withholding sex is the way to get a person to stop drinking. That is ludicrous..She says it stinks and I last to long


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Withholding sex is not a way to get someone to
stop drinking. 

It is away to tell someone you are not happy thou!!


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

sa58 said:


> Withholding sex is not a way to get someone to
> stop drinking.
> 
> It is away to tell someone you are not happy thou!!


I guess I should have posted this..She says it stinks and I last to long.. I say take one for the team every once in a while.. That is really the bottom line.. How can I post that so it is understood that is the issue.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

You admit you drink too much.

The rule is drinking = no sex.

You can make a choice: Drink, knowing you will not have sex. Don't drink and have sex.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> .. I say take one for the team every once in a while.. That is really the bottom line.


Guess she isn't playing on the same team.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> Guess she isn't playing on the same team.


Well what in the hell team is playing on?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I guess I should have posted this..She says it stinks and I last to long.. I say take one for the team every once in a while.. That is really the bottom line.. How can I post that so it is understood that is the issue.


Post that? Oh you did. 

I'd be pretty grossed out if someone wanted me to "take one for the team" with someone with whom sex was not very good (like needing to keep going because they were too impaired to orgasm) or smelled bad. But that is me. What did SHE say when you responded thusly?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> Well what in the hell team is playing on?


Apparently not yours. You're married to her. If you don't know what "team" she's on, how would we?


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> Do you think for one second that by withholding sex is the way to get a person to stop drinking.


No. Does she? I imagine living with someone with a drinking problem is really hard, and one might run out of ideas. I also imagine that she could be setting personal boundaries for herself around how she deals with it.



> That is ludicrous..She says it stinks and I last to long


Do you know what denial looks like? It is what people do when they want others to accommodate THEIR problem. Change their wants and needs so that the addict can continue to have their fix AND still get what they want from others.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

I guess I should have put this in the post..She says it stinks and I last to long.. I say take one for the team every once in a while.. After ALL SHE DOES DRINK AND FOR 15 YEARS IT WAS NOT AN ISSUE... DAMN I wish I would have put that in the post... SO take one for the team every once a while or have a solid no Sex when drinks are involved .. I probably missed out on a lot of good advice because that is really the bottom line.. How can I post that so it is understood that is the issue.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I guess I should have posted this..She says it stinks and I last to long.. I say take one for the team every once in a while.. That is really the bottom line.. How can I post that so it is understood that is the issue.


I think your problem is she is turned off by your drinking. Telling you wife to take one for the team isn't likely to illicit a positive response.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I guess I should have posted this..She says it stinks and I last to long.. I say take one for the team every once in a while.. That is really the bottom line.. How can I post that so it is understood that is the issue.


Wait. Let me get this straight. You want her to take one for the team so that you can continue to drink and still have sex. Do you have sober (like completely sober haven't been drinking) sex? Apparently you admit to having a drinking problem. Does it extend to choosing to drink knowing it means no sex for you?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

She drinks. Has she had a drink or drinks when she wants sex or does she follow her own rule of no drinking if she wants sex?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

But this sounds a lot like taking one for you, not for the team. The _team _does not benefit when _only one member _enjoys sex and the other finds it repulsive or overly onerous.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I guess I should have put this in the post..She says it stinks and I last to long.. I say take one for the team every once in a while.. After ALL SHE DOES DRINK AND FOR 15 YEARS IT WAS NOT AN ISSUE... DAMN I wish I would have put that in the post... SO take one for the team every once a while or have a solid no Sex when drinks are involved .. I probably missed out on a lot of good advice because that is really the bottom line.. How can I post that so it is understood that is the issue.


You are really upset at people. I wonder why? 

There are a bazillion reasons why she drinks and that for 15 years is was not an issue but is now. It does appear to be an issue now. I might ask myself what changed. But more importantly, what does she say when you ask her to take one for the team. Would YOU want to take one for the team if there was a consistent turn off that you were being asked to perform around?


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I couldn't give you an exact number on either or.. Just don't keep track.. I defiantly drink to much... I am to old to be in that whole denial stage..Please don't go into the whole get help thing I have been through a lot in life.


You are too old to be in a denial stage? What exactly does that mean? My husband is 57 and he has been in the denial stage for the last 15 years or so.

And, a lot of people have been through a lot in life. Just because you have been through "a lot" in life does not give you the right or the entitlement to "drink too much". Drinking too much is a choice. Not counting, not keeping track, and knowing you definitely drink too much, is a problem. It's a problem for you and its a problem for your wife/family.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Lukedog said:


> You are too old to be in a denial stage? What exactly does that mean?


It means I am in denial and am denying that I am in denial. Denial has no upper age limit.



> My husband is 57 and he has been in the denial stage for the last 15 years or so.
> 
> And, a lot of people have been through a lot in life. Just because you have been through "a lot" in life does not give you the right or the entitlement to "drink too much". Drinking too much is a choice.


Having been through a lot in life is often an excuse to proceed with drinking for sure. But many people do not agree that drinking, for the addict, is a choice. There are significant and measurable brain changes that addiction causes which causes an increased desire to drink. I only say this because many a person has failed simply by thinking that drinking is a nothing burger one can just easily stop.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I couldn't give you an exact number on either or.. Just don't keep track..* I defiantly drink to much...* I am to old to be in that whole denial stage..Please *don't go into the whole get help thing *I have been through a lot in life.


Do you not see the discrepancy between those two statements? 

Whether or not you've 'been through a lot in life" is irrelevant as to whether or not you should get help. If anything, the more adversity you've faced, the more help you're going to need. So it makes no sense for you to use your difficulties as an excuse for not seeking help.


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> ....... I say take one for the team every once in a while.. That is really the bottom line.......


Really??? Foreplay at its finest. :slap


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> It means I am in denial and am denying that I am in denial. Denial has no upper age limit.
> 
> 
> Having been through a lot in life is often an excuse to proceed with drinking for sure. But many people do not agree that drinking, for the addict, is a choice. There are significant and measurable brain changes that addiction causes which causes an increased desire to drink. I only say this because many a person has failed simply by thinking that drinking is a nothing burger one can just easily stop.


He's basically saying he knows he has a problem, but he is OK with having a problem. What is happening now is he is getting pushback and it has thrown him for a loop. The question is if the wife stands her ground will he chose booze over sex. No one can be made to get help, that is a choice they have to make themselves. 

And there is also the possibility he has tried quitting and it didn't work. Maybe the no sex rule will bring him closer to the bottom. 

I wish you luck OP.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

NobodySpecial said:


> You are really upset at people. I wonder why?
> 
> There are a bazillion reasons why she drinks and that for 15 years is was not an issue but is now. It does appear to be an issue now. I might ask myself what changed. But more importantly, what does she say when you ask her to take one for the team. Would YOU want to take one for the team if there was a consistent turn off that you were being asked to perform around?


First of all I am not upset at all. Passionate yes Frustrated yes but not upset I appreciate any advice. I just think I worded the post wrong. 
She says no to taking one for the team
Yes if the tables were turned I would have sex with her no matter what.

I have to go to work but I will return later.. I think I just need to repost the question.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

happyhusband0005 said:


> He's basically saying he knows he has a problem, but he is OK with having a problem. What is happening now is he is getting pushback and it has thrown him for a loop. The question is if the wife stands her ground will he chose booze over sex. No one can be made to get help, that is a choice they have to make themselves.
> 
> And there is also the possibility he has tried quitting and it didn't work. Maybe the no sex rule will bring him closer to the bottom.
> 
> I wish you luck OP.


I know.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

She says it stinks and you last to long.
Guess what that means !!!!

SHE IS NOT HAPPY WITH THE SEX AND WANTS
YOU TO STOP DRINKING !! 

The team= You and her
Drinking team= You without her
Which is the winning team ?

It was ok 15 years ago = People grow and change
I have been married for 30+ years. My wife is not the same
person I meet and married then. Me neither !! We both have 
traveled the world and had kids together. Other things good
and bad we have gone through. LIFE CHANGES !!

Actions speak louder than words. Watch and listen to what 
your wife's actions are saying.If not you may go through 
something very hard in the future. With out her. 

AT LEAST TRY AND TALK WITH HER ABOUT THIS
BEFORE IT IS TO LATE TO TURN THIS AROUND

I wish you all the happiness in the world and good luck
in the future.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I get the feeling you think you are being misunderstood. Not just here, but in general.

Whether or not your wife drinks/drinks too much isn't the issue here. You are posting, not her.

I haven't read anything you've posted thus far that seems particularly confusing.

She has a rule of NO sex if you even have a single drink.

She drinks too, although you have not answered my question as to whether or not her rule applies when she wants sex.

You know you drink too much.

You think your wife should suck it up and "take one for the team" when you've been drinking AND want sex.

Your wife does not agree with your stance.

I think that about sums it up.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

TheBohannons said:


> But it is a lot of fun when it is the reverse. As a matter of fact, i will purposely stay sober on GNO.
> 
> Damn right I am going to take advantage of that situation.


quite the double standard isn't it? if I go to dinner with my GF I almost always drive. I might have one drink with dinner she will have a couple. I practically have to put her in hand cuffs to keep her off me in the car on the way home.

I think a woman who is so uptight that wont have sex because someone had a couple drinks should probably move to Utah and join the LDS church. At least that way they will find a much more sympathetic audience.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> First of all I am not upset at all. Passionate yes Frustrated yes but not upset I appreciate any advice. I just think I worded the post wrong.
> She says no to taking one for the team*
> Yes if the tables were turned I would have sex with her no matter what.*
> 
> I have to go to work but I will return later.. I think I just need to repost the question.


I don't think you truly understand the idea of turning the tables of or taking one for the team. Your a typical dude who' pretty much game for a roll in the hay at any time. So even if sex wasn't the first or only thing on your mind at the moment, you'd still be happy to go a humpin'. That's not taking one for the team.


----------



## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Lukedog said:


> Really??? Foreplay at its finest. :slap


Yeah but just Every once in a while but that was funny


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

I really enjoy this conversation I have never been on a Forum before..Pretty informative but I really have to get to work..I will be back before My Caps play tonight (8pm) GO CAPS so I hope you guys return to the thread I guess that is how it works..


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

OP
My family has a problem with addiction of various sorts and I've seen its effects. 

Your excessive drinking isn't some side issue, I believe it is the core issue, probably for a lot more other issues in addition to just sex.

Why do I think its excessive? Look at your 2 posts on a marraige discussion site: One is about your wife not wanting sex when you are drunk and the other describes an incident at a bar. When did you last go a week without alcohol? A day? 

I'm not going to worry about "right" / "wrong", or fault, or why. It doesn't matter. If you don't drastically cut back on your drinking it is going to end badly for you. Its difficult to stop, a great many people don't manage it, but I think things will continue to go downhill if you keep going.

Feeding your addition makes you feel better, and briefly forget your problems. Of course it results in more problems that you need to forget. The cycle continues and grows.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

uhtred said:


> I'm not going to worry about "right" / "wrong", or fault, or why. It doesn't matter. If you don't drastically cut back on your drinking it is going to end badly for you. Its difficult to stop, a great many people don't manage it, but I think things will continue to go downhill if you keep going.


How true. My husband regularly admitted he drank too much. Did it make him stop? No. Did it make him cut back? For a time he did. In the last years of his life, he no longer drank scotch. And he LOVED scotch. He switched to wine. Only wine. And he drank an entire box of it (equal to 4.5 - 5 bottles) every day. 

My husband? Until the day he died, he'd laughingly admit he drank too much. He wasn't sober when he dropped dead. But I bet he still thought he just "drank too much."


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Its funny. Looking back I remember checkout clerks looking at my mother strangely when she would have a child in tow and bottles of cheap vodka in the shopping cart. 





Prodigal said:


> How true. My husband regularly admitted he drank too much. Did it make him stop? No. Did it make him cut back? For a time he did. In the last years of his life, he no longer drank scotch. And he LOVED scotch. He switched to wine. Only wine. And he drank an entire box of it (equal to 4.5 - 5 bottles) every day.
> 
> My husband? Until the day he died, he'd laughingly admit he drank too much. He wasn't sober when he dropped dead. But I bet he still thought he just "drank too much."


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

Prodigal said:


> How true. My husband regularly admitted he drank too much. Did it make him stop? No. Did it make him cut back? For a time he did. In the last years of his life, he no longer drank scotch. And he LOVED scotch. He switched to wine. Only wine. And he drank an entire box of it (equal to 4.5 - 5 bottles) every day.
> 
> My husband? Until the day he died, he'd laughingly admit he drank too much. He wasn't sober when he dropped dead. But I bet he still thought he just "drank too much."


Reminds me of John Dailey, the professional golfer. Many "average joes" loved him as an everyman on the PGA tour. 

I have never liked him. Loser to me that has always been and always will be a slave to his demons. Drunk who switched to beer I believe because that wasnt being a "real" alcoholic.


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## colingrant (Nov 6, 2017)

Two possibilities:

1. If she's not drinking and you are, it could be a turn off. Everyone responds differently after drinking and some people are sloppy, unorthodox, moronic and slobs. Sex and slobbery don't mix well unless both are slobs at the same time, then the slobbery factor is canceled out for each.  

2. I'm not trying to rip here, but maybe your performance takes a hit after drinking and you don't even know it, so she doesn't even want to start, knowing you might not finish. Just a thought. 

If I had to guess though, it might be the first possibility. 

Note: At least you're getting some when you're not drinking, assuming that's the case. Not getting it when sober is a REAL problem. What you have is a small nuisance. Count your blessings.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> But this sounds a lot like taking one for you, not for the team. The _team _does not benefit when _only one member _enjoys sex and the other finds it repulsive or overly onerous.


You are right it is just a figure of speech but you are right,,,Anyhow I have good news


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

colingrant said:


> Two possibilities:
> 
> 1. If she's not drinking and you are, it could be a turn off. Everyone responds differently after drinking and some people are sloppy, unorthodox, moronic and slobs. Sex and slobbery don't mix well unless both are slobs at the same time, then the slobbery factor is canceled out for each.
> 
> ...


I agree with both 1 and 2.. Sex is always great just not when I am sloppy drunk but I have good news that came out of getting opinions on this thread I guess I just do a quick post Idk new to Forums


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

So first off I appreciate all the advice and we finally discussed this issue.. I wanted to discuss it properly so that is why I needed to get a bunch of different views before truly discussing it in the right way but we have come to an agreement that is fair to both of us and that was the goal.
Just to set the record straight 95% percent of the time if I am sloppy drunk I won't even try to advance.. I am well aware that is gross for her and my performance is bad just sometimes I have done so and that created a NO SEX ever if I have even had a drink or two.
I just didn't think that was cool. I think her whole message was if you don't stop trying to get some when you are drunk then you get NONE at all if you drink..Pretty Smart but very harsh in opinion.

Ok So the agreement is the following:
If I have had 3 or less then game on and she would prefer I take a mint or brush my teeth.

By the way both of those ideas came from this thread..Forgot who and not sure how to give them credit but would like to. Just never thought about something so simple. So she is happy and I am happy and I will stick to my word..I may drink to much and be rough around the edges but I am a good guy and am a Man of my word. So we came to a comprise and that is that.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

Will someone tell me why some Quotes go directly underneath a persons comment and some Quotes go to the end of all the comments


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> Yes she is a Diva, and I just think her NO ALCOHOL rule is ridiculous but I thought well maybe I am being ridiculous.




Haha, you don’t yet know Shessillgotits posts do you (is it: GoTits or GotIt? I’m no good with long words. That’s why my German is a little weak. The longest word I know is: Donaudampfschifffahrtselektrizitätenhauptbetriebswerkbauunterbeamtengesellschaft). 

You have not seen nuffing from her yet. 


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I didn't say 12 beers I said under 12 because I don't like count..Sometimes 4 Sometimes 6 but never over 12



Understandable. Who the hell can count when one is totally ****faced?


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> No Sex if I drink period



You are not supposed to be drinking that.

Honestly. Beer breath is horrible. If you want sex, all you need to do is not get drunk. Seems very simple and your wife is a genius. Everybody knows if you want to train your man to do anything, all you need to do is dangle the sex carrot 🥕 in front of them.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> Do you think for one second that by withholding sex is the way to get a person to stop drinking. That is ludicrous..She says it stinks and I last to long



Yes. I actually do.
It does stink.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I really enjoy this conversation I have never been on a Forum before..Pretty informative but I really have to get to work..I will be back before My Caps play tonight (8pm) GO CAPS so I hope you guys return to the thread I guess that is how it works..




Is that the team she is supposed to be taking?


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> You are not supposed to be drinking that.
> 
> Honestly. Beer breath is horrible. If you want sex, all you need to do is not get drunk. Seems very simple and your wife is a genius. Everybody knows if you want to train your man to do anything, all you need to do is dangle the sex carrot 🥕 in front of them.
> 
> ...


I guess no one cares that I posted a resolution.


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I guess no one cares that I posted a resolution.


I find the compromise interesting. 

so do you now get to withhold needs from her if your conditions are not met? seems fair game to me...….

just imagine if it was suggested you not speak to her or ignore her if she does something that bothers YOU. you would be told to suck it up, be a man...whatever.


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## 269370 (Dec 17, 2016)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I guess no one cares that I posted a resolution.



Who is going to count how many you had? (If you can’t).


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## LTCNurse (Feb 5, 2018)

inmyprime said:


> Who is going to count how many you had? (If you can’t).
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk



This is the problem. It still leaves her holding the bag for your drinking issues. I am betting you aren't going to count honestly because you don't even think you have a problem and "she should take one for the team". You will push the envelope and she will be even more disgusted. 

Go to AA. I suggest she go to Al-Anon. No one replied because no one thinks this is resolved.


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Resolution maybe,maybe not.
But at least you and her are 
talking about this. It is a start.
No more bars or dives included ?
Maybe a nice dinner someplace ?

How about a date night once a week.
Dinner out= she gets affection/attention
no cooking required, nice glass of wine
( one only you drive ) you get a drink
then who knows when you get home.

It is a start in the right direction at least.
Keep talking and loving each other. Keep 
changing and grow old together. Lean on
each other for support.

In a marriage it is often a give and take 
situation. Communication both verbal 
and physical. Actions speak louder than 
words. 

Best of luck going forward.
Maybe soon stop drinking 
as much. You can do it
with her help. I think she 
wants to.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> She'sStillGotIt said:
> 
> 
> > I don't get why your wife is such a stick in the mud.
> ...


I think it's funny that you didnt recognize the sarcasm in the post you just quoted.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I guess no one cares that I posted a resolution.


You initially came here to get feedback on how to handle your wife's rule of drinking = no sex. You got feedback.

You have found a solution that you feel works for your marriage.

Keep us updated on how it goes.


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## PigglyWiggly (May 1, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> I think it's funny that you didnt recognize the sarcasm in the post you just quoted.


That post had me so excited that I thought about switching teams


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> I think it's funny that you didnt recognize the sarcasm in the post you just quoted.


 I think it's funny everyone is taking him so seriously.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Rubix Cubed said:


> I think it's funny everyone is taking him so seriously.


Oops wrong thread


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## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

I hope you and your wife continue
working on this problem and your 
marriage. I hope you continue 
working on yourself also. If you 
need more opinions/advice we will be
here.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

*Re: مخاطر تسرب المياة في منزلك*



Aya Mohammed said:


> مخاطر تسرب المياة في منزلك
> تختلف أنواع التسربات من نوع لآخر ولكن في جميع أنواع التسربات لا يُمكن تركه ويحتاج لـ كشف تسربات المياة حيث ان ترك التسرب لفترات طويلة ستكون عواقبه كبيرة والسبب وراء ذلك هو أن تسرب المياه يتفاعل مع مواد البناء ويقوم بعمل بعض البقع في الجدران والحوائط ويكون لون هذه البقعة أخضر أو اسود على حسب فترة التسرب .
> و تتفاعل المياه مع الإسمنت والدهانات الخاصة بالحوائط والجدران وهذا ما يسبب البقع في الحوائط ويسبب العفونة تلجا لىكشف تسربات المياه .
> والأخطر من ذلك انه إن تُرك لفترة كبيرة فإنه يجعل هذا الحائط هش وهذا ما يعرضه لعمل شروخ بالحائط إن كان هذا الحائط جيد أو يجعله قريب من السقوط إن كان هذا الحائط قديم وهذا ما وجب التحذير منه ولذلك لا تعرض نفسك لكل هذه المسائل وأسرع بحل مشكلة التسرب ويحتاج شركة كشف تسربات في بالرياض
> ...


 My thoughts exactly.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

personofinterest said:


> I think it's funny that you didnt recognize the sarcasm in the post you just quoted.


I recognized it but the fact is she is a Diva but I get it. I am not in disagreement about the fact that it is bad when I am hammered...


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

WonkyNinja said:


> He's probably talking about Bud or Bud Light. 12 beers is probably the equivalent of an unfinished pint in the UK. And the air in the empty part of the unfinished pint glass has more flavor and texture than the Bud Light as well.


I really wasn't even saying 12 beers. I was saying up to 12 because I just can't physically drink anymore than that. Usually 4- 6-8 and yes I do drink Bud light.. or Bud Ice..lol


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

sa58 said:


> I hope you and your wife continue
> working on this problem and your
> marriage. I hope you continue
> working on yourself also. If you
> ...


Thank you it is working out well..I swear it seems like a lot of people on this forum just want you to continue to have an issue instead of being happy of a possible resolution.


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

I swear it seems like a lot of people on this forum just want you to continue to have an issue instead of being happy of at least a possible resolution. So much negativity but a lot of positivity too. So those that provide POSITIVE advice.. Thank you


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## dazedandfrustrated (Jun 3, 2018)

x598 said:


> I find the compromise interesting.
> 
> so do you now get to withhold needs from her if your conditions are not met? seems fair game to me...….
> 
> just imagine if it was suggested you not speak to her or ignore her if she does something that bothers YOU. you would be told to suck it up, be a man...whatever.


Yeah so far good deal on the compromise. Yeah and she would say something more to the affect of Fine don't talk to me cause she knows I would in fifteen minutes..lol


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## tigerlily99 (Nov 21, 2015)

dazedandfrustrated said:


> I swear it seems like a lot of people on this forum just want you to continue to have an issue instead of being happy of at least a possible resolution. So much negativity but a lot of positivity too. So those that provide POSITIVE advice.. Thank you




Sometimes people post without reading the whole thread. If a person is short on time they may just read the initial post and then respond.

It can still be useful advice...or just read it and let it go, knowing you’re already working on a good solution.


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