# Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.....



## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

Ok Guys obviously I don't understand how the male mind works. So enlighten me, please.
So I dated my X boyfriend for 16 months. I told him I loved him (which I did) about a yr. into the relationship. He said he "felt" love for me but wasn't sure at the time which I told him was fine. I never wanted anything forced...then a couple of months later, he looked me dead in the eye and said "I Love you". Since then he disappeared off the face of the earth. No phone call and no text.
I'm moving on but I guess I just don't understand it. There's no closer at all. There was no fight, no disagreement. I texted once but got no response. I won't text again.:scratchhead:


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

If you haven't upset him , and he is not in his cave with his dragon ; 

Still alive and wasn't hit by a train , 

he is just saying you are lovely ; but he doesn't love you really .

or he is a coward afraid of commitment to u .

Is his life less complicated than yours ? is he single , younger , etc ....


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Cold feet. Panic. Eaten by cannibals...

Either way he flaked. 
Not much you can do about it.


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## Flying_Dutchman (Oct 29, 2014)

I'd guess it was a commitment thing too.

Not something this male has ever done. I hang on to my L-word like a Fabergé egg. If I say it, I'm all in.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

Zouz,
I seriously have no clue what happened. HE was always the one bringing up marriage and living together but that eventually dwindled down. He's not young, in fact he's older than me. Alot older (63), but I fell in love with his personality.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

W4MR...I'm very surprised by this "ending" to your story. I followed your other thread, and remember that you were preparing to leave your job and move out to his ranch.

His behavior is strange indeed.

Are you sure he is actually alive? I know he had some sort of hunting-guide business. I hope he didn't have some sort of accident.  It's very odd for someone to just disappear after a 16-month relationship.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

It's as flakey as a cornflake. 

Who knows why? The point is, he is not worth your time.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ HappyAsAclam: I've thought of that but i think if that were the case, his son or neighbors would have let me know. He would usually go dark on me for about 3 days but I got use to it. Now though, it's been a couple of months. I keep telling myself I can do better, but it hurts all the same. Stupid me, I fell in love with guy.


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## keep him around (Nov 20, 2014)

That's crazy. He must have felt something, but was so scared of commitment he couldn't handle it. Sorry...


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

I would be furious and would probably drive out there, march up to his front door, and as him what the h*ll his problem is!!

But I think your approach is the correct one. Just let it go. Like Jellybeans said, it's very flaky and he's not worth your time. Sorry it ended this way 

Thank God you didn't quit your job.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

[QUOTE =happy as a clam;10994441]I would be furious and would probably drive out there, march up to his front door, and as him what the h*ll his problem is!!

But I think your approach is the correct one. Just let it go. Like Jellybeans said, it's very flaky and he's not worth your time. Sorry it ended this way 

Thank God you didn't quit your job.[/QUOTE]

I don't think I would yell at him, just cry, which is pathetic.
Just need to focus on the positives. I still have my job, and need to look for A 2nd


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No, it's not pathetic that you wanted to cry after dating someone for over a year and having them treat you like you never existed.

With that said, he sucks. I mean, really truly sucks. He couldn't even have a conversation with you to say he wasn't into it anymore and instead pulled the Ghost card. Your tale is not actually that strange. Some people just disappear like you never knew them. 

Break-ups: why do men 'ghost'? - Telegraph

That article is gender-specific but it happens to men, too. Some women just blank them as well.

Do not give him any brainspace in your head. Hard as it is. 

He showed you who he is. Believe him.

I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of contacting him trying to get an explanation for what he did. He knows what he did. And I am assuming you reached out to him and were met with silence. If so, do not keep reaching out to him. He sucks.

If he reaches out to you some day, you can always reply with, "Who is this?"


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@JellyBeans: Thanks for the reply.  I know it'll get better. I guess just looking for an answer w/o going to the source. Maybe if another person has done it, they could tell me why. Not sure it would help, but maybe I would understand it better?


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

It's hard to say. People flake. I'm surprised you had no indication he had any cold feet. 

Only guess form the information you wrote is that he realized that he had fallen in love with a much younger woman and maybe for your benefit decided he had to bow out ?

I sympathize with you. I have been in these situations and when you don't get closure it's hard to let your mind be free of it. It was a ****ty thing for him to do no matter what the reason.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

My good friend Enjo said this in another thread and it is totally applicable to here



EnjoliWoman said:


> You know, if there's one thing I've learned in all of these single years is to stop analyzing the why. And that is TOUGH for women! Or maybe just me.
> 
> Why doesn't matter. I could speculate and come up with several different possible whys. In the end none of them matter.
> 
> ...


The point is, he could have gotten in touch with you if he wanted to. HE didn't want to. And as much as that sucks, it's the truth. You deserve WAY better than someone who can ice you like that.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

Thanks for all the support. It's nice to have a place to vent/cry and not get judged for it.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Waits4Mr.Right said:


> Thanks for all the support. It's nice to have a place to vent/cry and not get judged for it.


Welcome to TAM.

We're here for you now.

We'll judge you later.


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

you are 39 , young beautiful lady ; you will find someone who makes you happy and make your heart fly .

take it easy sweety ,
forget about him ; whatever happened he is not yours .


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## Zouz (May 28, 2014)

I reached page 93 in the book , have you finished it !


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ HappyAsAclam : Ok, I've tried to just forget about the whole thing, but I want and deserve an answer. I'll make the drive next wk after the snow storm coming this wk.
Also, it's Thanksgiving and his son might be there. I don't want an audience there to see me make a fool of myself.
I'll text him before I go and tell him we need to talk face to face. Explain to him that he doesn't get to disappear without an explanation.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

63 year old treating another person like that says a lot about him. OP you dodged a bullet. He is a loser.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ Richie33 I'm sure your right, but I still want an answer. Guess it just blows my mind how a person can do that. Me, myself, if I was going to bolt, I definitely wouldn't have told that other person I loved them. Just would have made things worse imo.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

I'm not 63 yet but being paranoid I would wonder if what said 63 year old told the OP is verifiable accurate or it simply was a holodeck creation.

The only real reason one would pull such a Houdini would be if he created a big story that did not match reality and instead of fessing up the dude vanishes.

I would verify some basics and see how much of what he said about himself was real and how much made up. At 16 months you ought to have street address and other details, if he has a reasonably unique last name you could find all kinds of things for free.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Well, certainly you can travel to the ranch and confront him but don't be surprised if you don't get a true answer for his behavior. Some people decide to "ghost" when they want to end a relationship instead of ending it cleanly and he could be one of those people. 

Maybe he has concerns about the age difference. Maybe he likes his life on the ranch the way it currently is. Maybe he has other women he sees casually and he wants to continue. Maybe being in love scares him. Maybe he thinks you are after his money. Maybe your daughter's drama alarms him. Who knows. He's the only one with the answer. 

But he may not be willing to explain that when you confront him so be prepared you may never know for sure why he decided to disappear. You may have to settle for being able to tell him in person what you think of how he's handled things.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@John117 and Openminded: Thanks for the reply. I don't think the guy is hiding anything. I've been to the house several times and stayed the wkend. I was just starting to meet his family (son, and the 3 grand kids) and friends. He waited a year before doing this, so i know it was a big deal to him, mainly the family. I'm the same way. He still hasn't met my daughter but he has expressed desire to within the last few months. He knows the drama but also knows that I don't live w/ it on a constant bases. He even said that the daughter could stay on the property in a trailer if she needed a place to say. I told him absolutely Not! She's made her bed, she needs to figure things out now. Tough love Babe, all the way.
As for money I told him I want none of it and the a prenuptial agreement is in his best interest. 
I only want him, he knows this. I love him, and that's why this is so hard....I'm willing to fight for us but I can't do it alone. So if he says it's a no go, I will have no choice but to leave and never look back. Once he says it's done, that'll be all folks. ;(


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## Mr Right (Oct 5, 2013)

Seeing you have been waiting for me, here I am, I'm 39 as well


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

So I bit the bullet, texted him and said I'd be on my way to his house in a couple of wks. Work schedule keep me tied up until then. Did get an answer right away, and started to think maybe something really was wrong...Nope. He texted back a couple hrs later to say it wasn't working out. Really? 
Boy it sure is a thin line between "I Love You" to "it's not going to work out". No discussion, no argument. Wow....But he still wants to be friends. I can't. Hurts too much.
There's my closer.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@Mr.Right. Thanks.Made me laugh. I needed that


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## ocotillo (Oct 17, 2011)

That doesn't strike me as a gender specific brand of, "Strange."

It's just strange, period.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

He's had time to think about it since he said those three little words and for whatever reason he's backed away. Maybe he felt the generation gap was too much. There could be any number of reasons. Instead of telling you outright, he either planned to gradually fade away or else he was going to just disappear and hope you got the message that he was done so that he didn't have to say so. 

I know it hurts but it's much better to find that out now rather than down the road when you would be even more devastated.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ Ocotillo and Openminded: Strange indeed. As for the age gap, he knew this from the beginning. Whatever the " problem" is, it was there from the beginning. Nothing has changed within these last 16 months. I don't know about other ppl but I generally know if I want to move forward with a relationship within a 6 month period. Not enough for marriage, but whether or not I want to break it off. Don't like to waste anyone's time, mostly mine. Like is too short for bad books, food,....and relationships. 
So I'll refocus on myself and get that 2nd job I've been wanting. Go out when I can and eventually get back out there again. Hopefully I'll meet the right guy this time....and maybe within my age group! Lol


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

It's possible he could have been apprehensive about the age gap from the beginning (if he was) and thought he could overcome it. And it's also possible his family wasn't positive about the gap. 

There's a bond, for lack of a better word, for those from the same generation. He's a few years younger than I am but I'm sure he and I would have the same frame of reference for our generation. We might have different backgrounds but we would have experienced the same things at the same time. Vietnam comes to mind. To you, it's something from the history books but I dated a boy in college who died there. It's real. And it probably is to him too. 

Some people can marry someone a lot younger and not feel the loss of a generational connection. I couldn't. Maybe he couldn't either. Better to find out now.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ Openminded: Funny how you bring up Vietnam. He was there actually. 
Don't really understand your meaning though. I either get along with someone or I don't. I take family under consideration but it's my life, so i do what's best for me. If fact, my sis stopped talking to me once I told her things were getting pretty serious between me and the X. Don't understand her actions but once again, if I want to date that should be my choice. Even after this, I will date again. I want to enjoy life. It Gets pretty lonely By myself.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes, I felt he probably served. But you weren't even born then so there is a gap of knowledge for you that books can't fill in. Your frame of reference for life and its experiences is far different from his. For some men that gap wouldn't matter. But it's possible it matters to him. He's the only one who knows if age was a factor or why it didn't work for him and he's apparently not sharing that so, yes, it's best to just move on.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ Openminded: Thanks for your thoughts and perspective. Guess I never really thought of it that deep. Guess I'll never really know what went through his mind and he's kept everything short and sweet.....on 2nd thought, I think I'll keep the friendship he's offered and wish him well. Like I said, not mad at him, just confused and hurt. I'm sure given enough time, it'll be fine. Just hope things aren't awkward if we do meet up. We frequent the same club, and casinos.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

Ok, so I'm done with the pity party as of 6m last night.
I know I need to get out and have fun, so what do I do? I go back to Farmers (a dating website) and low and behold guess who looked at my profile. The X. I swear I had just made it up like maybe 5 min. ago. and there he was. Don't think he knew it was me, cuz I hadn't put a pic up yet.
His pic looked the same from when we first started talking on there a year and a half ago. Kinds makes me wonder if he was on there all along and never was really committed to me at all. If that was the case, what a jerk! His Loss!
I took my profile off once I slept with him, cuz I kinda felt I was advertising something that was no longer available.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

W4MR...

I hate to even bring this up, but it sounds to me like he may have met someone else (or two!) from the Farmers' website. He may have gone out with them, who knows -- even hooked up?

If he found your profile that quickly, he's definitely been surfing the site regularly. And you are correct; he may never have been "true" to you at all. He may have been involved with several women at the same time all along.

What a dud. Glad you found out NOW, before you quit your job and moved up there.


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## Waits4Mr.Right (Oct 29, 2011)

@ HappyAsAclam: I will definitely be more cautious. I feel bad for all the other ladies that are about to become his victim's. No way of warning them...and i would only sound like the bitter X anyway.


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