# My Wife Doesn't Like to Kiss!



## iniazy

Hi there,

I'm new here, and I want to get some help with a problem. I'm quite desperate, so any help will mean a lot.

I'm married for more than eight years now, and me and my wife love each other so much. but my problem is that my wife doesn't like to kiss.

Eight years now into the marriage, and she still wouldn't kiss me, not even on the cheeks, not to mention a French kiss. WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT THAT?

I tried talking to her about why kissing is important to me, I tried leaving it for time, I tried making it spontaneous, but nothing worked.


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## PBear

Well, what does she say when you talk to her about it?

C


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## Frost

Is it a kissing thing or is it that she withholds forms of affection (hugging, snuggling, touching, etc.) as a whole? 

If it is kissing only then perhaps she has a concern about germs or some type of actual phobia. If she is simply not a touchy-feely person that is a different type of issue.


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## notaname

If she has never kissed you or been into kissing then she probably just doesn't enjoy kissing.


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## bluesky

For me, kissing is the ultimate expression of love.

Nothing turns me on more than kissing before intimacy.

I dealt with the same issue, and it sucks.

She would turn her head.....or ALWAYS stop before me.

After she cheated on me, she informed the that the OM was a good kisser. I can't tell you how much that killed me. I know that I am a good kisser, its more about the feelings.
She grew to resent me, so she didnt want to kiss me.
The OM was blowing smoke up her ass, so the kissing felt great.

I recommend you get to the bottom of this. It can lead to problems.


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## MrK

I love to kiss also. My wife hasn't liked to kiss me in a long time either. She may never have. I realized it about the same time I realized she hasn't loved me in a long time either. She may never have.

Connection? Maybe. The worst part is I don't care any more. Or maybe that's the best part...

:scratchhead:


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## carebear11

What are the reasons she doesnt like kissing? Does she say? 

I LOVE kissing. I think that its very intimate and should be enjoyed by ALL. However, in my marriage, I still kiss my husband but do not nearly enjoy it like I once did...this is due to all the bitterness I have toward him for hurting me. I find that when I kiss him I cringe. I do it b/c I feel like I "have" to....So this is the issue that Im having to work on myself...

Hope things get better for you.


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## les

I completely understand how you feel. My fiance wont kiss me either. When I try he turns his head. It really hurts me a lot. I feel that kissing one of the most intimate parts to a relationship. I read from another response asking if it's just kissing or if she lacks in cuddling, hugging, touching, etc. My fiance does, and that just put a whole new perspective on my relationship.


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## iniazy

PBear said:


> Well, what does she say when you talk to her about it?
> 
> C


She just doesn't have an answer. She gets uncomfortable talking about it and walks away. 




Frost said:


> Is it a kissing thing or is it that she withholds forms of affection (hugging, snuggling, touching, etc.) as a whole?
> 
> If it is kissing only then perhaps she has a concern about germs or some type of actual phobia. If she is simply not a touchy-feely person that is a different type of issue.


Well, now that I think of it, it seems to be both: a withhold from affection and a phobia. She is the type that gets disgusted of germs, so she never touches intimate parts, she does not let me touch her with the same hand that I use to touch her intimate parts, and she never allows oral sex. So, I'm starting to lean towards your theory about a phobia!




notaname said:


> If she has never kissed you or been into kissing then she probably just doesn't enjoy kissing.


I would think so, but again, kissing should be a natural instinct, shouldn't it? 




bluesky said:


> For me, kissing is the ultimate expression of love.
> 
> Nothing turns me on more than kissing before intimacy.
> 
> I dealt with the same issue, and it sucks.
> 
> She would turn her head.....or ALWAYS stop before me.
> 
> After she cheated on me, she informed the that the OM was a good kisser. I can't tell you how much that killed me. I know that I am a good kisser, its more about the feelings.
> She grew to resent me, so she didnt want to kiss me.
> The OM was blowing smoke up her ass, so the kissing felt great.
> 
> I recommend you get to the bottom of this. It can lead to problems.


I agree with you. Which is why this is driving me crazy.

But my wife would never cheat on me, I know for a fact that she loves me all the way to the core. 




MrK said:


> I love to kiss also. My wife hasn't liked to kiss me in a long time either. She may never have. I realized it about the same time I realized she hasn't loved me in a long time either. She may never have.
> 
> Connection? Maybe. The worst part is I don't care any more. Or maybe that's the best part...
> 
> :scratchhead:


To me, it is not a matter of love. If she doesn't love you, why is she still with you? Do you have kids? I have three beautiful daughters who have kept us really close.




carebear11 said:


> What are the reasons she doesnt like kissing? Does she say?
> 
> I LOVE kissing. I think that its very intimate and should be enjoyed by ALL. However, in my marriage, I still kiss my husband but do not nearly enjoy it like I once did...this is due to all the bitterness I have toward him for hurting me. I find that when I kiss him I cringe. I do it b/c I feel like I "have" to....So this is the issue that Im having to work on myself...
> 
> Hope things get better for you.


I believe I'm a fine husband (don't we all ) I never hurt my wife, or at least try not to. Thanks.




les said:


> I completely understand how you feel. My fiance wont kiss me either. When I try he turns his head. It really hurts me a lot. I feel that kissing one of the most intimate parts to a relationship. I read from another response asking if it's just kissing or if she lacks in cuddling, hugging, touching, etc. My fiance does, and that just put a whole new perspective on my relationship.


Well, it feels weird to see a man who doesn't like kissing, I can't understand that.


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## turnera

She has deep INTERNAL issues about sex, touching, maybe germs.

This isn't something you can change. Only she can.

What you CAN do is decide if it is something you can live with for the rest of your life. If you can live another 50 years without kissing, do nothing.

If you can't, you have to let her know. And then explain to her that she can either get into therapy (or whatever works for her, but that's what I recommend) and deal with her aversion, or you will eventually divorce her.


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## turnera

Actually, my husband stopped kissing me. Complicated story, but I'm pretty sure it's because he has hyper-sensitive smell. He can smell our cat's catbox that's upstairs in the corner bedroom, IN a closet IN a bathroom, all the way down in the kitchen. He has expressed dismay when I drink wine because he doesn't like the smell. I drink a lot of wine. So, now, he doesn't kiss me. Simple as that.


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## turnera

Ooh, I got hyper hearing when I was pregnant. Almost beat some people up at Mexican restaurants for chomping on their chips before closing their mouths! That was 20 years ago and, to this day, I can't handle noise that people make when they're eating.


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## Babyheart

I ddint like kissing my husband but thats because he smoked a lot & tasted of stale cigarettes.


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## iniazy

turnera said:


> She has deep INTERNAL issues about sex, touching, maybe germs.
> 
> This isn't something you can change. Only she can.
> 
> What you CAN do is decide if it is something you can live with for the rest of your life. If you can live another 50 years without kissing, do nothing.
> 
> If you can't, you have to let her know. And then explain to her that she can either get into therapy (or whatever works for her, but that's what I recommend) and deal with her aversion, or you will eventually divorce her.


That makes sense. I can't stand the idea of divorce, because I love her so much, and we have three kids. Therapy probably is the right thing to do, you're probably right.



turnera said:


> Actually, my husband stopped kissing me. Complicated story, but I'm pretty sure it's because he has hyper-sensitive smell. He can smell our cat's catbox that's upstairs in the corner bedroom, IN a closet IN a bathroom, all the way down in the kitchen. He has expressed dismay when I drink wine because he doesn't like the smell. I drink a lot of wine. So, now, he doesn't kiss me. Simple as that.


Huh! So you can keep the wine till after sex  I guess then what's the point, right?



Pandakiss said:


> i dont care for kissing either...i cuddle a little, i like hugs...husband isnt a touchy feely person...i am...from time to time...
> 
> we kissed when we were younger..but after a while...dont care. like lip to lip fine....i wont open my mouth, and i turn away and give him cheek or the side of my mouth...
> 
> 
> i love him all the same...but i dont want to swap spit....i think after i had my triplets...the thought of drool, or anything that comes out of your mouth is...gag...i have hyper smell, and hyper hearing...and i cant stand someone by me chewing food....i can just hear everything....eeeyuck...
> 
> just me, but i dont feel any differnt about my h...just keep your spit..


So, doesn't your husband complain? What does he think about that? My wife actually shuts her mouth hard when I try to kiss her lips, so they don't even feel soft anymore. 



Babyheart said:


> I ddint like kissing my husband but thats because he smoked a lot & tasted of stale cigarettes.


Well at least you have a good reason! I don't drink or smoke.


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## turnera

If she is that aggressive about not letting you kiss her, you HAVE to have a confrontation about it.


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## iniazy

I think it is a phobia from germs, and she needs therapy. I'll try to talk her into that.


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## turnera

But is it for your _partner_?


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## iniazy

cloudfly said:


> For me, kissing is the ultimate expression of love.


I absolutely agree.



turnera said:


> But is it for your _partner_?


What do you mean?


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## turnera

If YOU love to kiss and show your love by kissing, that's great.

But what if kissing is NOT how your spouse shows love? What if kissing irritates them or makes them worry about germs or reminds them of a bad boyfriend in the past, so they don't want to do it? Or what if they grew up in a family that hugged all the time, and hugging is how she shows love?

Just because YOU show love through kissing doesn't mean your spouse DOES, or SHOULD.

What you really need is to just sit down and TALK about it. In a nonconfrontational way - no judging, no blaming, no trying to make her feel guilty. You share how you feel, you ask her to share how she feels.


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## iniazy

turnera said:


> If YOU love to kiss and show your love by kissing, that's great.
> 
> But what if kissing is NOT how your spouse shows love? What if kissing irritates them or makes them worry about germs or reminds them of a bad boyfriend in the past, so they don't want to do it? Or what if they grew up in a family that hugged all the time, and hugging is how she shows love?
> 
> Just because YOU show love through kissing doesn't mean your spouse DOES, or SHOULD.
> 
> What you really need is to just sit down and TALK about it. In a nonconfrontational way - no judging, no blaming, no trying to make her feel guilty. You share how you feel, you ask her to share how she feels.


I feel I have the right to be kissed back, if I kiss my spouse. This is part of our nature as humans, it should not be a matter of choice. It's like the right to have sex. But that's a good idea, to ask her how she feels. 

Thanks gals/guys (are there any guys here?) for the great help.


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## turnera

Seriously? You will FORCE a person to do something that is (may be) abhorrent to them, because YOU want them to?

And you have the RIGHT to have sex with your wife? You're kidding, right?


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## iniazy

turnera said:


> Seriously? You will FORCE a person to do something that is (may be) abhorrent to them, because YOU want them to?
> 
> And you have the RIGHT to have sex with your wife? You're kidding, right?


I didn't say FORCE, but I meant that I have the right to call off the marriage because of it, if I wanted to.

And that applies to the sex as well, isn't that what marriage is all about? Either of the couples have the right to call off the marriage, if the other is declining sex, because that defies the whole purpose of marriage, and that is to create a family and reproduce. Isn't that why God created love?

Don't get me wrong.


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## russ101

I think that if she never liked to kiss in the first place when you two met, then you should not expect her to all of a sudden want to start kissing now. However, I would let her know in a very calm and cool manner just how much this means to you, and what can you do to meet her important needs (something you may not be doing now). If this is really important to you, and she loves you, you two can reach some sort of compromise. Kissing is EXTREMELY important to me and even though it was never as important to my wife, we used to kiss all of the time. Over time, the frequency slowed down and then about 6 years ago, she decided that she didn't want to kiss me any more and could not really tell me why (I know there are many issues behind this now).

I have always felt that kissing was just a natural part of sex, and to not be able to do this anymore just kills me. My wife will now only kiss me on my birthday and on our anniversery. I guess that was her compromise. I am still trying to work on this though, but it is difficult since she gets very upset every time I try and bring it up. Hopefully, you will have better luck with your wife. Just let her know how unhappy you are with the situation. Then depending on what she says, you can decide what you are going to do.


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## turnera

iniazy said:


> I didn't say FORCE, but I meant that I have the right to call off the marriage because of it, if I wanted to.
> 
> And that applies to the sex as well, isn't that what marriage is all about? Either of the couples have the right to call off the marriage, if the other is declining sex, because that defies the whole purpose of marriage, and that is to create a family and reproduce. Isn't that why God created love?
> 
> Don't get me wrong.


Ok, that makes sense. 

But she never DID like to kiss, right? 

Then you just have buyer's remorse, because you knew going in. 

fwiw, there are plenty of sexless marriages; just because you don't have it doesn't mean you can't be married. 

If you DID used to have it, and they now won't, there is usually a REASON. 

And usually that reason is all tied up in the Love Busters you put upon her and her Emotional Needs you aren't meeting. Women have to be connected to you emotionally to want to do it (goes for kissing, too); therefore, it behooves you to spend some time learning about LBs and ENs and making sure you're doing your best in these areas.


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## WadeWilson

Now I don't want to offend but... Many people have all types of hang ups when it comes to erotic expressions... Some don't like oral others backdoor, but the list can go on and on... Now I don't want to say your issue is petty but, I'd rather know that my wife is at least still turned on enough to do what has already been done many a time before... Now that do not have to be end of story for you... Talk, talk, talk... Remember of course it won't be a overnight sensation... You may have to ask hypothetical questions to see why she won't... Now also don't forget, romance her how she wants to be romanced, not how you want to... Put the dream of a deep romantic kiss in her head... But just so you know, if you knew deep down inside, she was never interested in kissing on day one, you can't really get upset at something you already knew...

As for me my wife hates kissing... Truthfully I think it's childish, but if she ever wanted to I would consider, but ultimately do not care... I want sex and oral, and as long as that happens I'm fine... Now in the beginning there were issues with acts that she was uncomfortable with... But with YEARS of talking we smooth those issues out... 

Just remember it takes time, you're trying to adjust someones opinion... Be patient... And best of luck...


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## iniazy

russ101 said:


> I think that if she never liked to kiss in the first place when you two met, then you should not expect her to all of a sudden want to start kissing now. However, I would let her know in a very calm and cool manner just how much this means to you, and what can you do to meet her important needs (something you may not be doing now). If this is really important to you, and she loves you, you two can reach some sort of compromise. Kissing is EXTREMELY important to me and even though it was never as important to my wife, we used to kiss all of the time. Over time, the frequency slowed down and then about 6 years ago, she decided that she didn't want to kiss me any more and could not really tell me why (I know there are many issues behind this now).
> 
> I have always felt that kissing was just a natural part of sex, and to not be able to do this anymore just kills me. My wife will now only kiss me on my birthday and on our anniversery. I guess that was her compromise. I am still trying to work on this though, but it is difficult since she gets very upset every time I try and bring it up. Hopefully, you will have better luck with your wife. Just let her know how unhappy you are with the situation. Then depending on what she says, you can decide what you are going to do.





turnera said:


> Ok, that makes sense.
> 
> But she never DID like to kiss, right?
> 
> Then you just have buyer's remorse, because you knew going in.
> 
> fwiw, there are plenty of sexless marriages; just because you don't have it doesn't mean you can't be married.
> 
> If you DID used to have it, and they now won't, there is usually a REASON.
> 
> And usually that reason is all tied up in the Love Busters you put upon her and her Emotional Needs you aren't meeting. Women have to be connected to you emotionally to want to do it (goes for kissing, too); therefore, it behooves you to spend some time learning about LBs and ENs and making sure you're doing your best in these areas.


Well, yeah she never liked it from the begining, but I thought because she was a version that she will get over it. In our culture we don't have sex before marriage. She did in the begining give me some swift lip kisses, that took a fraction of a second, but they stopped 



DameEdna said:


> I'm same as you Pandakiss:lol: Though we still do kiss, and when it's part of lovemaking, it's like he's slobbering all over me french kissing, and I really could live without it. I'm not even sure we're that great at kissing anyway. I'm a great fan of oral sex (on me) and would REALLY wish he did all his kissing "down there"
> 
> Iniazy.... Hope you find out why she doesnt like kissing. It seems unusual if she's never liked it


Thanks DameEdna. No orals here  she doesn't allow it. At least I got the basic sex :smthumbup:


WadeWilson said:


> Now I don't want to offend but... Many people have all types of hang ups when it comes to erotic expressions... Some don't like oral others backdoor, but the list can go on and on... Now I don't want to say your issue is petty but, I'd rather know that my wife is at least still turned on enough to do what has already been done many a time before... Now that do not have to be end of story for you... Talk, talk, talk... Remember of course it won't be a overnight sensation... You may have to ask hypothetical questions to see why she won't... Now also don't forget, romance her how she wants to be romanced, not how you want to... Put the dream of a deep romantic kiss in her head... But just so you know, if you knew deep down inside, she was never interested in kissing on day one, you can't really get upset at something you already knew...
> 
> As for me my wife hates kissing... Truthfully I think it's childish, but if she ever wanted to I would consider, but ultimately do not care... I want sex and oral, and as long as that happens I'm fine... Now in the beginning there were issues with acts that she was uncomfortable with... But with YEARS of talking we smooth those issues out...
> 
> Just remember it takes time, you're trying to adjust someones opinion... Be patient... And best of luck...


That's a great advice, thank you very much. Talk talk talk. That might work.


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## bluebird20

It sounds like you have gotten some answers to your question. I would agree it sounds less about you and the relationship and more about her own issues around touch, kissing, etc.

On a side note, reading this for me makes me very sad. When my husband and I were dating before marriage we made out constantly and I loved it. For years now I haven't been able to kiss him like that or enjoy it. I know for me it is emotional.


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## Downy74

_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lonelyinla1959

I have the same issue my wife doesn't want me to touch her or kiss her but yet my neighbor can hug her and she says there is nothing wrong with that. He hugged her everytime he saw her until I got fed up


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## MattMatt

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