# What makes a single guy fall for a married woman?



## Just-A-Girl

Me and my husband are married for 7 years now, 1 child.
We have issues every now and then, like every normal couple, but we both make efforts to make our marriage work. It is not easy, actually it is very painful, because we don't match and we often hurt each other. We don't do it on purpose, but it happens.

Then this guy came into my life, about an year and a half ago. He said he wants to date me, I said that won't happen because I am married. I can't blame him for being attracted, it could happen to anyone, but once you know that the other one is not available, you should just stop.
He's a nice one, though. We made good friends. I thought that soon he wil get over his affection, 'cause I didn't give him any hope that we could be more that friends. I used to tell him that he must just go out and find a girl, the world is full of single girls. I never spoke to him about my problems inside the marriage. But problems were not that serious at that time.
Then he went out of the country and I didn't see him for 9 months. For these 9 months, I totally forgot about him.

But the last year was very hard for my marriage. We went through times of pressure, not talking to each other for months, not having sex for months, then my husband said he wanted to seperate for a while (it was like a little breakup for me). I was feeling ignored, misunderstood, not appreciated and so on. Though we married for love, and we still love each other, sometimes I feel like we just can't make each other happy. Oh, yes, we were both considering seperation.

Then my admirer came back. It's been a while, I thought he was over me. But no. His affection was even stronger than before. That crasy idea about true love and... you know people, I just don't understand! What can make you fall for another man's woman? 
I fell for him. He speaks so beautifully... all these words I never hear at home. But you know, I'm not that stupid. There is a difference between "falling in love" and "love". And true love comes later, when it's realised. Now, he deffinitely believes in what he sais, but still... I think there's something wrong about it.
We never had physical contact, but still I feel bad. I feel bad for being emotionally unfaithfull, for I let it happen. 
I don't know what is to follow now.
I don't know if my marriage will survive, or we'll seperate.
I will not cheat.
Just... please try to explain me, what makes a single guy fall for a married woman? What kind of a person would do that to himself?

Got to go now. I'll keep posting.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

You are in a full blown affair with him. You ARE cheating. This is the choice you made and you've completely disrespected your husband.

Tell your husband that you fell in love with another man and you are in a full blown emotional affair, which some say its worse then a physical affair. 

You are in denial and full of excuses why this happened. It's called the affair "fog". 

I feel sorry for your husband, the man you betrayed.


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## DayDream

Just-A-Girl said:


> Me and my husband are married for 7 years now, 1 child.
> We have issues every now and then, like every normal couple, but we both make efforts to make our marriage work. It is not easy, actually it is very painful, because we don't match and we often hurt each other. We don't do it on purpose, but it happens.
> 
> Then this guy came into my life, about an year and a half ago. He said he wants to date me, I said that won't happen because I am married. I can't blame him for being attracted, it could happen to anyone, but once you know that the other one is not available, you should just stop.
> He's a nice one, though. We made good friends. I thought that soon he wil get over his affection, 'cause I didn't give him any hope that we could be more that friends. I used to tell him that he must just go out and find a girl, the world is full of single girls. I never spoke to him about my problems inside the marriage. But problems were not that serious at that time.
> Then he went out of the country and I didn't see him for 9 months. For these 9 months, I totally forgot about him.
> 
> But the last year was very hard for my marriage. We went through times of pressure, not talking to each other for months, not having sex for months, then my husband said he wanted to seperate for a while (it was like a little breakup for me). I was feeling ignored, misunderstood, not appreciated and so on. Though we married for love, and we still love each other, sometimes I feel like we just can't make each other happy. Oh, yes, we were both considering seperation.
> 
> Then my admirer came back. It's been a while, I thought he was over me. But no. His affection was even stronger than before. That crasy idea about true love and... you know people, I just don't understand! What can make you fall for another man's woman?
> I fell for him. He speaks so beautifully... all these words I never hear at home. But you know, I'm not that stupid. There is a difference between "falling in love" and "love". And true love comes later, when it's realised. Now, he deffinitely believes in what he sais, but still... I think there's something wrong about it.
> We never had physical contact, but still I feel bad. I feel bad for being emotionally unfaithfull, for I let it happen.
> I don't know what is to follow now.
> I don't know if my marriage will survive, or we'll seperate.
> I will not cheat.
> Just... please try to explain me, what makes a single guy fall for a married woman? What kind of a person would do that to himself?
> 
> Got to go now. I'll keep posting.


You were wrong to continue to have any kind of relationship with the guy after finding out he had more than friend feelings for you. You should have told him it'd be best not to talk anymore because you are married and love your husband. I've had poetic men "fall in love" with me too and try to woo me away. Notice I put "fall in love" in quotes because really it's not love. It's infatuation, which is not love. I've had to tell the men it isn't a good idea to talk anymore. They left it at that.


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## MillionDollarBrideToBe

My opinion... do NOT waste all your efforts... you will repent for all your life...


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## lilith23

A single guy can fall for a married woman for various reasons. Maybe he likes the way you are, maybe he finds you sexy, maybe it's just a crush, maybe he finds married women desirable, and so on.

But what can happen is that since you're fragile and in emotional need right now, and since you're just in the initial crush phase, everything can seem so nice and beautiful. It's like as you said "in love" is not the same as "love". When we don't date someone, this person can seem very desirable 'till you know him better.

If you really love your husband then put some more effort to think about how you can improve things, or just let some time pass by before, since sometimes we can get too tired and depressed that we can't really think of anything to solve anything. You might need some time to cool off before thinking about the issues of your marriage again.

But it's better to not involve yourself with more stuffs to think right now, at least not without knowing what you really feel with your marriage.


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## DayDream

lilith23 said:


> A single guy can fall for a married woman for various reasons. Maybe he likes the way you are, maybe he finds you sexy, maybe it's just a crush, maybe he finds married women desirable, and so on.
> 
> But what can happen is that since you're fragile and in emotional need right now, and since you're just in the initial crush phase, everything can seem so nice and beautiful. It's like as you said "in love" is not the same as "love". When we don't date someone, this person can seem very desirable 'till you know him better.
> 
> If you really love your husband then put some more effort to think about how you can improve things, or just let some time pass by before, since sometimes we can get too tired and depressed that we can't really think of anything to solve anything. You might need some time to cool off before thinking about the issues of your marriage again.
> 
> But it's better to not involve yourself with more stuffs to think right now, at least not without knowing what you really feel with your marriage.


Or he could just be a big-time player...and plays the game really well.


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## Just-A-Girl

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> You are in a full blown affair with him. You ARE cheating. This is the choice you made and you've completely disrespected your husband.
> 
> Tell your husband that you fell in love with another man and you are in a full blown emotional affair, which some say its worse then a physical affair.
> 
> You are in denial and full of excuses why this happened. It's called the affair "fog".
> 
> I feel sorry for your husband, the man you betrayed.


No, you're wrong. I've told him.


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## lilith23

DayDream said:


> Or he could just be a big-time player...and plays the game really well.


Exactly, that can be true too.


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## Just-A-Girl

lilith23 said:


> A single guy can fall for a married woman for various reasons. Maybe he likes the way you are, maybe he finds you sexy, maybe it's just a crush, maybe he finds married women desirable, and so on.
> 
> But what can happen is that since you're fragile and in emotional need right now, and since you're just in the initial crush phase, everything can seem so nice and beautiful. It's like as you said "in love" is not the same as "love". When we don't date someone, this person can seem very desirable 'till you know him better.
> 
> If you really love your husband then put some more effort to think about how you can improve things, or just let some time pass by before, since sometimes we can get too tired and depressed that we can't really think of anything to solve anything. You might need some time to cool off before thinking about the issues of your marriage again.
> 
> But it's better to not involve yourself with more stuffs to think right now, at least not without knowing what you really feel with your marriage.


Thanks for your reply, I find it very helpful.
Sometimes we both just got too tired of trying.
I guess it the "Seven year itch"...


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## DayDream

Just-A-Girl said:


> No, you're wrong. I've told him.


Honestly, sounds like a player who knows how to woo the married women. Of course he picked a married woman. You're hitched and he don't have to worry about getting too serious! Plus it is easy to prey on women who might be feeling the excitement of their relationship with their husband waning away. That's prime time for wooing.


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## WyshIknew

Well you might be 'lucky' (and I use lucky somewhat tongue in cheek) and this guy might have really fallen for you.

But what it is more likely to be is grooming you. Typically these guys will have several women they are grooming for sex, and one or two on the go that they are having sex with.
And they are very very good at making you feel special, they know just which buttons to press to get you interested. They have web sites and books to give them tips.

What you need to do is stop this affair right now and work on your marriage. If you work, truly work on your marriage and it doesn't work, divorce and then go off with Mr Wonderful (if he is still around)

You run the risk of destroying your marriage and leaving an emotional wreck of a husband behind you.
Take some time to look around the forum and look at the devastation that affairs leave behind them anf then ask yourself "Do I want to be responsible for that?"


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## Just-A-Girl

WyshIknew said:


> Well you might be 'lucky' (and I use lucky somewhat tongue in cheek) and this guy might have really fallen for you.
> 
> But what it is more likely to be is grooming you. Typically these guys will have several women they are grooming for sex, and one or two on the go that they are having sex with.
> And they are very very good at making you feel special, they know just which buttons to press to get you interested. They have web sites and books to give them tips.
> 
> What you need to do is stop this affair right now and work on your marriage. If you work, truly work on your marriage and it doesn't work, divorce and then go off with Mr Wonderful (if he is still around)
> 
> You run the risk of destroying your marriage and leaving an emotional wreck of a husband behind you.
> Take some time to look around the forum and look at the devastation that affairs leave behind them anf then ask yourself "Do I want to be responsible for that?"


Mr Wonderful doesn't exsist.
If I go for another one, I will not have the same problems that I have with my husband, but I will have another kind of problems. Every couple has them.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Just-A-Girl said:


> Mr Wonderful doesn't exsist.
> If I go for another one, I will not have the same problems that I have with my husband, but I will have another kind of problems. Every couple has them.


Not true. My husband and I do not have any problems with each other, never have. He's extremely supportive of me and I of him. I found my Mr. Wonderful and others have too. We have been married over 12 years.

There is no excuse to cheat on anyone at anytime. Your husband is not to blame whatsoever for this. You won't see this in your affair fog.

Just remember that every single day your living in a lie to your husband. Tell him you've fallen in love with another man. He deserves to know, so he move on and find a faithful wife.


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## Just-A-Girl

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Not true. My husband and I do not have any problems with each other, never have. He's extremely supportive of me and I of him. I found my Mr. Wonderful and others have too. We have been married over 12 years.
> 
> There is no excuse to cheat on anyone at anytime. Your husband is not to blame whatsoever for this. You won't see this in your affair fog.
> 
> Just remember that every single day your living in a lie to your husband. Tell him you've fallen in love with another man. He deserves to know, so he move on and find a faithful wife.


As I already said, I have told my husband about it.
I even packed my bags and said I want to leave home.
He stopped me.

It is very easy to judge, Mrs Perfect, but forgive me for being a human.

Well, if we're gonna work on it, he has to forgive me.
When you're with someone, sometimes you have to forgive the unforgivable.

It happened to me, 3 years ago he hit me.
I said that if it happens again, that's the end.
But I forgived him from my heart. It is him, who still can't forgive himself.

It happens again. He will forgive me the emotional cheating. I don't know if I will be able to...


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## Snookums

I think some fall for a married woman when they can see she's unhappy or mistreated and think they can be her hero. For what ever reason that alone can turn a man on, wanting to show a woman she is still desired & attractive, it's a power thing I think with them maybe even an ego thing being able to be the one to boost a woman back up.

Just my .02 on one of the reasons this can happen


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## Just-A-Girl

Most of all I love judgment from saints!

Thanks, Snookums.


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## WyshIknew

Just-A-Girl said:


> Mr Wonderful doesn't exsist.
> If I go for another one, I will not have the same problems that I have with my husband, but I will have another kind of problems. Every couple has them.


Exactly! Glad you realise that. Look, I know it can be hard, life throws all sorts of problems in the way of happiness in a marriage but if you can stick it out it is worth it.
You obviously married your man and had a baby with him because you loved him.
I can tell from your post that you are a little down right now and not in a good place.
Keep posting, there are people on the forum who have been on both sides of the situation you are in.

Listen to their advice.

Good luck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DayDream

Just-A-Girl said:


> Most of all I love judgment from saints!
> 
> Thanks, Snookums.


Look, don't come onto an advice site and expect people to tell you what you want to hear only. I may have a direct and blunt approach to telling a situation like it is, rather than being gentle and kind, but it doesn't make what I said any less true. That I said you were wrong...is not a judgement. It's a fact. We aren't talking about my life here...we are talking about yours. You are married. You are entertaining a relationship with a single man who has expressed interest in you sexually. It's wrong. Sorry if you can't handle hearing it.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

My ex h cheated on me with several women. The only thing he did was lie and put the blame on me.:/


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

DayDream said:


> Look, don't come onto an advice site and expect people to tell you what you want to hear only. I may have a direct and blunt approach to telling a situation like it is, rather than being gentle and kind, but it doesn't make what I said any less true. That I said you were wrong...is not a judgement. It's a fact. We aren't talking about my life here...we are talking about yours. You are married. You are entertaining a relationship with a single man who has expressed interest in you sexually. It's wrong. Sorry if you can't handle hearing it.


Exactly.

BTW, I'm not a saint. Just a very blessed woman who's been through a lot of hell my entire life.

I never disrespected my husband in any way. Nor my ex h either. I left my ex and and I happened to find the man of my dreams.


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## Starstarfish

You aren't sure if you can forgive yourself for the emotional affair, thus the solution is to leave your husband and run off with the OM? As long as you've already started why stop?

I think you need to have a sit about what you want - but to do that, you are going to need to cut off contact with this other man. Stop seeing him - stop calling him, stop emailing him. Just stop.

You and your husband should then consider some kind of counseling - as your relationship has problem (apparently including at least one incident of physical abuse) before this emotional affair started.


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## ScarletBegonias

Dysfunctional men and women seem to flock to what they cannot have.The thrill of chasing something that's always just out of their reach is a high they get addicted to many times over.If you think you're the first married woman Mr.Wonderful has gone after,you need to think again. This is probably a pattern for him and you're just one in a long line.


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## Just-A-Girl

I read so many stories of men today, that I got scared! They sound like this: "I'm i love with a married woman, she loves me too, she promised that she will leave her husband and stay with me, I'm waiting for 1-2-3 years now, help me..." 

Me, at least, I haven't given any promises, and I haven't admitted my affection. But it doesn't change the fact that I felt it.


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## Just-A-Girl

Starstarfish said:


> You aren't sure if you can forgive yourself for the emotional affair, thus the solution is to leave your husband and run off with the OM? As long as you've already started why stop?
> 
> I think you need to have a sit about what you want - but to do that, you are going to need to cut off contact with this other man. Stop seeing him - stop calling him, stop emailing him. Just stop.
> 
> You and your husband should then consider some kind of counseling - as your relationship has problem (apparently including at least one incident of physical abuse) before this emotional affair started.


Yes, maybe a therapy... 

Well, that's what I'm going to do. I cut off the contact with the other man and decide what I want.
If my marriage does not survive, that will not be because of another one.


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## Gaia

OP no one on this forum gave any indication of being a saint. Everyone on this board has issues in thier marriage, this includes some sort of physical and/or emotional abuse for some. As another suggested, stop all contact with this OM as its inappropriate and you know it. Worm on your marriage first. If that fails then just divorce. The grass is only green where you water it.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Gaia

Just-A-Girl said:


> Yes, maybe a therapy...
> 
> Well, that's what I'm going to do. I cut off the contact with the other man and decide what I want.
> If my marriage does not survive, that will not be because of another one.


Congrats on this decision.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lilith23

Just-A-Girl said:


> Thanks for your reply, I find it very helpful.
> Sometimes we both just got too tired of trying.
> I guess it the "Seven year itch"...


Sometimes it happens, we pass through some very low phase, in which we start to get too tired of all the fights and stress, as well as hurt feelings and resentment. It's a very hard time, it makes you wonder if you really want to continue trying. Also, often life responsibilities doesn't let you rest a bit that it tires you further while nothing really helped on diminishing the stress and all the tension.

It's important to not make any decision on impulse, specially when you're in a terrible mood. It makes things seem worse than they actually are, and your negative feelings of the moment makes you want to end everything else just due to despair of too much unbearable tension.

If possible, take some time to rest and forget the current problems a bit. You can think about them later, when your emotions cools off and you are able to finally analyze things in a more realistic way.
If needed, talk to your husband about that. Focus on telling him how you've been feeling and what you think might help sorting things out instead, since it wouldn't sound as if you're blaming him, which would get him to become defensive instead of working together.

Also, if you're currently been through life changes and more responsibilities, it's better to take a rest from wondering about marriage problems. Many couples might fight more due to feeling pressured by more responsibilities and problems, and any slightest disagreement that wouldn't matter might just easily result in a big fight.


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## DayDream

Gaia said:


> The grass is only green where you water it.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I like this. Gonna steal it.


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## Gaia

DayDream said:


> I like this. Gonna steal it.


Lol ok. 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Soifon

You may have cut contact with him but you are still fixated on him. You need to stop thinking about him. Get rid of anything that reminds yourself of him. Delete his phone number, email address, past emails, texts, etc. Erase him from your life. You shouldn't care why he wants you if you truly want to never see him or think of him again.

You fell in love with words not a person. This guy isn't going to be reciting poetry and professing his love to you if you ended up in a relationship with him. And if he did, that would probably get really annoying after a while. See this for what it is, you are in love with an idea/fantasy. Erase him.


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## strugglinghusband

*what makes a single guy fall for a married woman? What kind of a person would do that to himself?*

One with very poor boundaries, no respect for you,your husband nor your marriage, mostly no respect for himself.


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## EnjoliWoman

Sometimes men like married women because they know they have a very low risk of STDs, they know the woman likely won't be clingy (she has to maintain marriage as well to a degree during affair), she extra hot burning for a short while so it's great sex. He's not accountable to her so exclusivity isn't required. Lots of reasons


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## In_The_Wind

Hi Jag sorry you here I will try to answer one of your questions about single guys and married women just like a tiger targets the weakest 
In the pack or the most vulunerable a lot of these player types will do the same low committment low maintence tell them what they wantto hear don't have to spend a lot on dates and stuff to get what they are really after.
Research how long these affairs last when the married person gets a divorce its like 97% fail within a relative short period of time 
Seem like a lot of wasted time to see if you fall into that 3% 
Especially after hurting herself family ex husband etc
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon

If I was a man of low moral compass or just really weak boundaries, I would probably not have a problem pursuing a married woman - and use the justification that if she didn't flat out reject me I had a good chance (and certainly could groom the relationship).

In fact if I was that kind of guy and I just wanted purely sexual relationships I'd probably only go after married women because of the reasons listed above: if they don't reject me it's because they are horny and sexually/romantically unfulfilled which makes them all the more easier a target, less chance they have STDs, better chance of keeping it discreet and the potential for holding her innappriopriate behavior over her head would give me a lot of power (I would have nothing to lose by exposing her behavior, she would have everything to lose) plus of course it is probably an extra testosterone-fuelling thrill to know you are banging some other guy's W, so you get the boost from that.

Good men with moral fibre and solid boundaries would never approach you in the first place - but no matter how much you may find yourself falling for your affair partner, any notions of true love are only pure fantasy, it can only ever be a fling at the most, you would be guaranteeing yourself a guy that can't respect committment.

So to sum up why this guy is "falling" for you, it's because you are the one sending him the go ahead signal.


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## chillymorn

being a scum bag.

selfishness once he conqures then its off to the next!

any husband or wife who befriends someone of the oppisite sex who has expressed desire for them is just as much a scum bag!


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## Broken at 20

A guy falls for a married woman because:

She is hot, and he wants to bang her
Or
She is good looking, he wants to be able to say he could seduce a married woman. 

Guys that know all the right things to say to a woman to make her feel all warm and cuddly, are players. Want to know how I know?
Because those guys have a lot of experience and know EXACTLY what to say to get a woman in bed. That is why everything he says is so easy to fall for. He said to to hundreds of other women before you. 

And you, being the typical women, fell for him, because he has those alpha qualities that make you tingle, and those beta qualities that you think makes him a good person. 

Here is a hint:
He is NOT a good person. 

Al Capone fed millions of people during the Great Depression in Chicago. If it wasn't for him, Chicago would've been a lot worse during the Depression. Does that make him a good person?

Or all the pastors that bang the wives of their congregation. They led how many people to God? But banged how many wives? Are they still good people? 

This guy is like a drug. The more of it you get, the more you want. And this ends in one of two ways. 
Either he gets what he wants and moves on. There are plenty of threads like this on the forum. Just start searching.
Or you stay strong, and he decides to move on to easier bait.


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## The Middleman

I'm going to say that he's not as in love with you as he is leading you to believe and he's only looking to make a conquest. Maybe he views Married Women as an interesting or challenging way to spread his sperm around (said for effect). My advice to you is to stop all contact with this ass clown immediately and take that energy you are spending on him and put it towards working your marriage. Even if you decide that you don't want to stay in your marriage, put that effort into getting your life in order. A guy who wants to "be with" (pronounced: Fvck) a married woman is an opportunist who will only make your life more difficult or will leave you once he's had his fill.


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## Just-A-Girl

He's a bad person, I'm a bad person, my marriage is in a big hole with or without him.

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby, I need to appologise, I didn't know that you've been cheated.

Yes, I need to put order in my life at first place. Me and my husband have been neglect to each other lately. But we haven't stopped to look after each other. I cant imagine a day without calling him, just to check if he is all right. That's what I told him when he wanted to seperate. We may not be in love like in the beginning, but I think that as long as we care, there is still a chance for us. The problem is, for long time I live with the idea that my husband doesn't love me anymore.
Then, in one of our bad days, he was disrespectful and I told him "this is disrespectful", he answered "so why don't you find someone else, who will respect you?". A few months after, there you go, it happens.

And this other one, he's not even my type, I never imagined that he could thrill me (even if I wasn't married). 
Sorry my thoughts are in such a mess!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Just-A-Girl

DayDream said:


> I like this. Gonna steal it.


I already did


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## Son of Kong

I would say instead of spending anymore thought , emotion or energy on this guy that you invest it in your marriage. You say you have problems, things are not going great, is your husband aware of how YOU feel it must be a bit worse than he thinks if you are looking outside your marriage.
Coming from a situation where I didn't really know or realize just how bad things were and the trouble that came after with her infidelity I would say if you love your husband then don't go any farther with this guy speak up, put the time in to fix your marriage.
If you are not willing to do all you can in your marriage, exhaust every avenue to make it work then be honest with yourself and you husband and just leave. Don't put your husband, child and yourself through the pain and shame of cheating many wayward spouses who are here will tell you it is not worth it, I will tell you it is not worth it.


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## MSC71

you can't be friends with someone that wants more than that.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

This does not make you a bad person. Avoiding friendships with the opposite sex will eliminate the opportunity for this to happen in the future. Use this as a learning lesson. There are always going to be opportunities for this to happen again, it's up to you to stop it before it happens. Men like this are looking to score, they like the challenging chase. 

Your husband very well may forgive you. It's only happened once. I do believe you can save your marriage if you want to. 

I have to say again, there are really decent men out there. I am very blessed to have met my husband. Don't believe that there's not. I fully trust my husband 100%, but I do still have that insecurity lingering in the back of my head of being cheated on again. My ex h is a different kind of cheater, one that will not stop and has proved that over and over. Luckily I realized that early in our marriage and left.


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## jfv

Just A Girl, maybe you should start a new thread: 

What makes a married women fall for a single guy?


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## Just-A-Girl

jfv said:


> Just A Girl, maybe you should start a new thread:
> 
> What makes a married women fall for a single guy?



I said already: living under pressure, living with the idea that her husband doesn't love her anymore, being disrespected, offended, not appreciated, ignored. Then someone else comes, starts talking about love, makes her feel special and so on. A moment of weakness and you're there. Not proud of it. 
I realise that to blame my husband for this is the same as when he hit me, and then said that it was not his fault - I provoked him to do it. I knew he was wrong then, and I know I am wrong now.

How can I get over it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## minnesotasoxfan

Guys like the thrill of the chase. They want to be able to say they drank from the forbidden fountain, they crossed a line that they knew they weren't supposed to...etc, etc... 

I see it a lot in my profession as a bartender, married women out on the town for a night with their girlfriends meet and run into a single guy who shows them some sort of attention. It starts with just a smile or a simple comment or flirt that gets the woman's blood tingling (we all like to be complimented) and from there the guy can read the signs and just has to look for the right things to say which if he is quiet the lady will tell him. It is easy to see and happens all the time where I work. 

In my opinion it is a two way street, the guy is there for one reason and the woman is as well. Married women can say all they want about not wanting to, or thinking about it but once it's in there mind it's all over. They just needed the right person to give them that nudge.

This is where you are, you have one foot in this guys bed because you are unhappy in your marriage but aren't sure if you should. You know you want to, and if you don't sleep with this guy you will with another eventually as its in your mind that you are unhappy and looking for happiness. 

I feel sorry for you husband, not because of what your doing but because of the way your doing it. Make up your mind and don't look back. Life is not mapped out for us and there are no directions. 

Either end it with one of the guys or end it with both! 

My gut tells me you have already slept with you admirer and just are feeling guilty.


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## Just-A-Girl

minnesotasoxfan said:


> My gut tells me you have already slept with you admirer and just are feeling guilty.


Only in my fantasy. Technically we haven't done ANYTHING. However, that doesn't make me feel less guilty.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## minnesotasoxfan

When it comes to affairs fantasy leads to reality. It's only a matter of time until you do the "walk of shame" from his bed. And by walk of shame I mean where you feel horrible because of the choice you made of not ending one before hoping in with another.


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## Just-A-Girl

Maybe, or maybe not.
The only thing that cannot be fixed is death.
I am here, asking for help - how to get out of the fog and how to get over it?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Your husband is no way near fault for your actions. You made this choice to have feelings for this OM. It's still considered an affair, an emotional affair if it hasn't reached anything physical.

You could of not befriended this OM and focus solely on your marriage. Instead you did choose this path. Blaming your husband is part of the affair fog as I stated above. It takes both people to work at a marriage. Since there is a third party involved, you decided to get your needs met through this scum bag instead of trying to work it out with your husband. This was your choice. Your husband did not force you to befriend this OM.

What specifically are you having trouble with? Are you confused about your love for the OM? Just remember that the grass is NOT greener on the other side. Once this OM sleeps with you, the game is over. Or he will continue to sleep with you just for the sake of getting laid. He has no emotional attachment to you. I bet he's sleeping unprotected with other women. It would suck if he gave you herpes or aids if you choose to sleep with him in the future.:/

If you think your husband isn't husband material, by all means file for divorce. Why would you stay in a bad marriage? 

I do think you need therapy and you should get yourself into IC. If you want your marriage to work out, write a no contact letter to your OM and get into MC as well. You got yourself in a big mess right now and only you can sort yourself out.


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## Just-A-Girl

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> ...
> 
> If you think your husband isn't husband material, by all means file for divorce. Why would you stay in a bad marriage?
> 
> I do think you need therapy and you should get yourself into IC. If you want your marriage to work out, write a no contact letter to your OM and get into MC as well. You got yourself in a big mess right now and only you can sort yourself out.


It's my family.
We have ups and downs, it takes too much efforts to make it work, all the time. And the last year we both stopped working on it. It was just getting worse. 
But it's family. We have this feeling from the very beginning of our relationship (9 years), and we still have it. We love our child. Even in our worst days, he would always support me if the child doesn't want to listen to me, and I would do the same. If we have serious issues, we would close the door and speak quietly, the child will not even know. I don't want to take the child away from him, he is a good father. I never had such a father. But I cannot leave the child either. 
What makes it difficult is, we have different priorities in life, different points of view about what is good time, etc. We often feel misunderstood and hurt.Once we believed that love is enough to make it work. For the last year I lost my faith...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jfv

Just-A-Girl said:


> Maybe, or maybe not.
> The only thing that cannot be fixed is death.
> I am here, asking for help - *how to get out of the fog and how* *to get over it?*_Posted via Mobile Device_


My guess would be 

NC with OM. Forever. 

MC with Husband and..

Time.


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## The Middleman

Just-A-Girl said:


> I am here, asking for help - how to get out of the fog and how to get over it?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No Contact with him again ever. If he e-mails you, tell him you don't want to hear form him and then block his e-mail address at your ISP or Mail Service Provider. If he texts you, have his number blocked. This is the only way you are going to get over thei "fog".


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## mel123

Broken at 20 said:


> Guys that know all the right things to say to a woman to make her feel all warm and cuddly, are players. Want to know how I know?
> Because those guys have a lot of experience and know EXACTLY what to say to get a woman in bed. That is why everything he says is so easy to fall for.
> 
> And you, being the typical women, fell for him, because he has those alpha qualities that make you tingle, and those beta qualities that you think makes him a good person.
> 
> .


:iagree:

This guy doesn't care about you, I have seen this type of guy go from woman to woman to woman.( and made them all feel special) And its a good chance he has some kind of STD


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## 2ntnuf

A married woman is easy prey.
She is showing in real time what she is like in a marriage so there is no guessing.
She has shown her marriage to be vulnerable and is advertising.
A married woman is a bucket list goal for many.
She is easy to get rid of if he decides to dump her, because she will not pursue in most cases.
Someone else has gone through the rough times and she is ready to settle down and knows what she wants and he sees this.
Most are ripe for the pickin'.(They want to be taken away from their terrible husband.)


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## Just-A-Girl

What is STD?

2ntnuf, I myself got to that conclusion.

As for the other man, this one is not a player. He's one of the fools who really fall in love. He believes in every word he sais but I know he is fooling himself. This is not the right way to start a relationship. Someone said "A great love story doesnt start with marrige ending".
He's young, good looking and successful, there are many single girls around him who are trying to approach him. He's affraid that they just want to use him for money. Why me? My husband is also successful now, but I've been with him through times of absolute bankruptcy, I've proven myself already. 
I can say, when we were broke, we were happier. My husband was weak and I was the only one who supported him. He became disrespectful when I became dependant on him. 

I never told the other one how serious are the problems in my marrige, but I never said I was happy. Why lie? I'm not happy.
And, yes, I gave him "go ahead" signals. I was also fooling myself that what he offers is too good to miss. Then I went on google to check what other men who see married women say and... it kind of woke me up. So I joined this forum and THANK YOU, guys. I thank those who gave me support and the others who pointed at my mistakes. I guess we all make mistakes to learn from them. Now it only depends on me will I let it happen again.

I am already looking for a good therapist.
I hope that will help.
M husband must also put efforts if he wants to make it work. I'm still not happy with what I get at home, it is not enough, I'm sorry.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MSC71

Just-A-Girl said:


> I'm still not happy with what I get at home, it is not enough, I'm sorry.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You will never get enough at home if there is someone else in the picture. Only way you will ever get enough at home is if you cut ALL contact with the OM and make your marriage work. That is your part in the marriage. You are doing wrong, no need to justify it or make excuses. Just do the right thing.


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## Just-A-Girl

Well, we dont keep in touch since I posted the thread.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Trying2figureitout

My wife had at least and EA with the OM who was single.

She was presented with a final choice yesterday me or him. She had at least three times to I brought it up end it and didn't. So now its me or him.


To answer your question.....


Its simply because YOU allowed it. No one held a gun to your head.

YOU know its wrong. DEAD WRONG!

my wife chose to give a guy from the gym her number that started the slippery slope and a nearly three year sexless marriage... tis blossomed into at least a three year EA/PA.

She risked our marriage and I gave her the ultimate choice yesterday.


Your marriage cannot survive having a third party male involved.

Get you head into fixing things with your husband.... NO CONTACT!

Get out of the fog. Seriously send a no contact letter and delete all his contact info.


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## mel123

Just-A-Girl said:


> What is STD?
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Sexually transmitted disease is common among those who have multiple sexual partners.there is no cure for some ...Please go to US gov. center for disease control (CDC) Sexually Transmitted Diseases - Information from CDC


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