# Wanting it to work....or do I?



## Juliets1

I wrote a post below, but it was quite long so perhaps not read by many.

My struggle lately has been anger and confusion over everything that went on. When my husband and I separated I wanted to work on things. The separation was not to move toward divorce. Because things were so bad at the time, I thought some time apart would be helpful. I figured a few months and we would be back together. Instead, he moved away and basically left myself and children behind. He began "seeing" someone (who apparently had a bf herself), they spent a lot of time together, (which he had no problem posting on facebook, yet would not fully admit to my face) he lived in her apartment with another roommate, though claimed to sleep in the den. 
Long story short, he told me he had tried to convince himself that it could work with her (they had dated when they were teens as well) and that he was too angry to have even fathomed about working things out with me, that was why he moved away. Now, after 6 months away, he has realized he wants his family back and is willing to prove and do whatever it takes to show me and the kids this. I will admit, he appears to have changed, and he has been wonderful. But it feels like a totally different person has shown up. Looks the same, but not him.
I am so consumed with hurt and anger and confusion I don't know how to get past it all. I can't understand how it was easier for him to run away instead of trying, and if his feelings are for real now or if he just doesn't want to be alone. (He was moving out of her house and looking for his own place when he contacted me) I'm so stuck in how he was, that I can't figure this "new" person out. Why didn't he clue in years ago? Why did it take doing something that hurt us all so incredibly to make him see? Can we ever get back to a happy marriage again? How do I get past this?


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## familyfirst09

You could potentially go back to a marriage that was even better than before if its what you both want. Why is he coming back now? Where is the gf? Is he only coming back because he got dumped?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Juliets1

Thats what I'm hoping for! The OW he told not to contact him ever or me (not that she ever had), he deleted and blocked her from facebook and deleted all her messages and number from his phone. In the few times I had spoke to him, he always said he was at the apartment alone because she was at her bf's house and so was the other roommate. Him and the other roommate were both moving out because of the OW craziness (I had heard rumors for years about how wacko she was, but I've never met her so no way of really knowing and really, it never mattered) 
We separated the end of Jan, he basically stopped talking to me middle of March, and moved away in June. Apparently he tried to move in with friends after finding a new job, but one friend was not for, so he went to her. 
He has always been one to avoid and ignore problems, bury head and run. So it was no shock to me at all when it happened. I expected it. Not that that helps me understand any of it more though. I'm glad he clued in the grass wasn't greener, but it doesn't lessen the hurt of it all. It is strange to me now that he is open and talks about issues and doesn't ever get mad or tries to avoid things. Hence, I'm still stuck in the old him, and am finding this new person hard to get my head around.


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## Allontime

Maybe he realized how good he had it and really missed it?? If that's the case, I'm sure it'll take you some time to adjust and trust again.


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## brokenbythis

Juliets1 said:


> I wrote a post below, but it was quite long so perhaps not read by many.
> 
> My struggle lately has been anger and confusion over everything that went on. When my husband and I separated I wanted to work on things. The separation was not to move toward divorce. Because things were so bad at the time, I thought some time apart would be helpful. I figured a few months and we would be back together. Instead, he moved away and basically left myself and children behind. He began "seeing" someone (who apparently had a bf herself), they spent a lot of time together, (which he had no problem posting on facebook, yet would not fully admit to my face) he lived in her apartment with another roommate, though claimed to sleep in the den.
> Long story short, he told me he had tried to convince himself that it could work with her (they had dated when they were teens as well) and that he was too angry to have even fathomed about working things out with me, that was why he moved away. Now, after 6 months away, he has realized he wants his family back and is willing to prove and do whatever it takes to show me and the kids this. I will admit, he appears to have changed, and he has been wonderful. But it feels like a totally different person has shown up. Looks the same, but not him.
> I am so consumed with hurt and anger and confusion I don't know how to get past it all. I can't understand how it was easier for him to run away instead of trying, and if his feelings are for real now or if he just doesn't want to be alone. (He was moving out of her house and looking for his own place when he contacted me) I'm so stuck in how he was, that I can't figure this "new" person out. Why didn't he clue in years ago? Why did it take doing something that hurt us all so incredibly to make him see? Can we ever get back to a happy marriage again? How do I get past this?


I went through nearly the exact same thing.

Only difference was the same time my ex realized he wanted his family back, OW announced she was pregnant.

Even though I feel better as time goes by, if I get triggered or start to think about all the things he did and the embarrassment I suffered because of my ex and OW, I cry or get really angry.

I don't think I can ever get over it to be in any sort of relationship with him. I just remind myself I'm doing the right thing moving on. There is way too much damage done.

There has got to be someone out there who won't hurt me continually like he did.


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## thompkevin

I guess you are just having a hard time believing that he has changed. Are you still afraid that he will change to his old self again? Perhaps, he needed something like this in life to realize what he had. Unfortunately, it came with a price that you had to pay. But if you think that this new person that he has become is worth it, you can work on the hurt he has caused and probably make it a great marriage.


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