# To make young wife lose weight



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

First of all, sorry for possible spelling mistakes. English is not my mother tongue.
Problem is my young wife's weight (about 76 pounds, height 5.41 f, age - 22). Yes, when we started dating and got married (in marrage for 2 years), she had the same shape, but at that moment, i somehow didnt really care about it - dont know maybe i was too crazy in love, liked her personality a lot - but now i care. I noticed that i look at other women too much (not thin but in healthy shape), even on the net.
I tried to encourage her to do sports (i myself work out), to diet, not offending her, not hurting, without using: "go lose weight, you cow" or something, no. I dont tell her this straight, cuz dont want to hurt, to make her feel that i dont love her cuz I do love - she is a great person, very kind, smart, funny, caring but doesn like to move and likes to eat (i would not say that she eats much, though). I think this affects her, too, cuz she is embarrassed of her body, cant relax when having sex, hiding her belly, All this causes seldom sex (once in a week), me not wanting to go out with her and so on. I can see she wants to lose weight but does have will power to do it or just lazy. Can see though she loves me. What can i do? It cant go on forever. Or maybe i just dont love her anymore?


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

There is creditable scientific data that shows that if you have a diet low in starch, weight loss can be effortless. I follow the diet and do not feel as if I am dieting its just a way of life for me. It is simple and easy to follow. May I suggest this book "Glycemic Load Diet" by Thompson, MD.

I think you should read it and have her read it. You must really talk to her honestly about this. Let her know in the kindest terms how you feel and introduce the low glycemic diet as a remedy. She should know that her weight threatens the stability of the marriage. 

Your feelings are not shallow, in case you think that, it's a fact of life. You love you wife enough to want to avoid destabilizing your marriage and that is what any loving spouse would do. You can love someone and lose sexual attraction for them due to weight. I hope you and your wife are successful.


----------



## rome2012 (Sep 10, 2010)

76 lbs ??? Or do you mean kg ???


----------



## pinkprincess (Jun 10, 2008)

This is alwas such a tricky subject for husbands to bring up with thier wives as the conversation can go one of two ways, she could either thank you and take your advise, encouragement and support, or she could completly flip out and take it as a personal attack on her which can have very bad effects on self esteem for a woman bringing about the issues you touched on to do with lack of sex, lack of confidence and your feelings you speak of.

I am interested in what both of your regular diet includes, one way you could help to get the ball rolling is to take charge of the food that you both eat, get rid of things in the house that are un healthy and stock the cubourds with healthy food you will both eat, you can then cook the meals at night but make them interesrting so that it makes her want to eat it..
Why dont you ask her to take brisk walks with you, it is so much more motivating and fun to exersise with a buddy and you will be spending that time together together which may help you to re ignite those feelings you speak of that you are losing, and not wanting to go out with her and this way by you doing it too she will want to ecersise and hopefully you can convince her to join a gym, i work out 5x a week and when i first started i remember feeling great when i saw the physical differences and wanted to work out more, which has lead me to become very toned and feeling great after having 2 children , my confidence has been boosted and seual i am a whole lot more confident.

so hope this helps


----------



## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

pinkprincess said:


> I am interested in what both of your regular diet includes, one way you could help to get the ball rolling is to take charge of the food that you both eat, get rid of things in the house that are un healthy and stock the cubourds with healthy food you will both eat, you can then cook the meals at night but make them interesrting so that it makes her want to eat it..
> Why dont you ask her to take brisk walks with you, it is so much more motivating and fun to exersise with a buddy and you will be spending that time together together which may help you to re ignite those feelings you speak of that you are losing, and not wanting to go out with her and this way by you doing it too she will want to ecersise and hopefully you can convince her to join a gym, i work out 5x a week and when i first started i remember feeling great when i saw the physical differences and wanted to work out more, which has lead me to become very toned and feeling great after having 2 children , my confidence has been boosted and seual i am a whole lot more confident.
> 
> so hope this helps


I agree 100%!! 

I think it's a lot about changing habits, not just dropping however many pounds in however many weeks. Just keep in mind that it should be about lifestyle not weight loss


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

Dale&Alex said:


> 76 lbs ??? Or do you mean kg ???


Sorry, mistake. I was trying to convert kg and cm, into pounds and feet. It is 75 kg and 165 cm


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

Catherine602
Thank you for recommending the book. Her to follow the diet, she first of all should want to lose weight. My desire is not enough. Agree, i really need to talk to her HONESTLY, to tell her what i feel, but not HURTING. That's the most difficult part. Because she is a very vulnerable person and may take it wrong way.


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

pinkprincess said:


> This is alwas such a tricky subject for husbands to bring up with thier wives as the conversation can go one of two ways, she could either thank you and take your advise, encouragement and support, or she could completly flip out and take it as a personal attack on her which can have very bad effects on self esteem for a woman bringing about the issues you touched on to do with lack of sex, lack of confidence and your feelings you speak of.
> 
> I am interested in what both of your regular diet includes, one way you could help to get the ball rolling is to take charge of the food that you both eat, get rid of things in the house that are un healthy and stock the cubourds with healthy food you will both eat, you can then cook the meals at night but make them interesrting so that it makes her want to eat it..
> Why dont you ask her to take brisk walks with you, it is so much more motivating and fun to exersise with a buddy and you will be spending that time together together which may help you to re ignite those feelings you speak of that you are losing, and not wanting to go out with her and this way by you doing it too she will want to ecersise and hopefully you can convince her to join a gym, i work out 5x a week and when i first started i remember feeling great when i saw the physical differences and wanted to work out more, which has lead me to become very toned and feeling great after having 2 children , my confidence has been boosted and seual i am a whole lot more confident.
> ...


For a year i tried to encourage her to change life style, eat different food, do sports regularly and she started doing it but gave up after some time. My reminding just annoyed her. I cannot always control her eating and sports activity. She should want it herself but she doesnt (maybe she wants, but does nothing or does but temporarily). Tried going to gym with her but sooner she tried to avoid it by some excuses. Now i attend gym alone.


----------



## Rob774 (Sep 27, 2010)

5'4 - 167 lbs????

Yum!!! Sounds nice and thick! But different strokes for different folks i guess. Especially if it isn't proportionate. My wife weight has fluctuated over the years, primarily over having 3 kids. No matter what you want, or suggest, or try to get them involved into. At the end of the day... it will be up to them. They'll do it when they are ready. My wife was 5'8 and about 215 before she finally decided to lose the weight. She did, and lost over 60 lbs. And she did it in her early 30's so its not like the window of your wife turning it around is closing.


----------



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

5'4 and 167 pounds....
That's pretty close to my size.

I would like to get back down to the 140 mark - where I was when we got married.

I can say, that being encouraging is a good step, but she has to want to lose the weight for herself, not for you.

I am dieting - counting calories and making more of an effort to get exercize, but it can be really discouraging when it doen't come off quick.

I'd like to be the size and shape I used to be overnight, but it just ain't happening that way. I know in order to lose the weight in a healthy way I must do it in a way that will install healthy lifestyle choices that I can maintain for the rest of my life.

Help her by making her feel confident at the size she is. Cook healthy meals, watch her portion sizes. Cut out the late night snacking. If she makes an effort praise her- positive reinforcement goes a long way.
If you notice that she has lost a little weight - compliment her.

But know this- if you love her .... and she can't acheive the results you desire, then you will still love her, but the attraction might fade.


Good luck.


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

I wonder can the reason of her being overweight be her being a vegeterian (doesnt eat meat, fish but eats milk products, eggs)? Like, she does not get enough of protein but carbohydrates and fats instead.


----------



## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I doubt that her vegetarianism is making her overweight. Fish and lean chicken are usually healthy proteins, but if she's overweight, I doubt that she would be eating healthy meat if she ate meat at all. Skim milk and light dairy products (nonfat yogurt, 2% cheese) as well as egg whites are healthier than most meat. 

Eating a lot of unhealthy carbs (sugar, pastries, white bread, etc.) and unhealthy fat (butter, trans fats in snack food, etc.) are most likely the source of her weight gain, regardless of how much protein she is getting currently. Replacing those things with healthier versions of the same food (whole grain bread instead of white bread; brown rice instead of white rice; olive oil instead of butter) are what will help her more than just eating some extra chicken or something. If you or she is worried about her protein intake, she can have whey protein shakes, soy products, and nuts like almonds. Anyway, more than ANYTHING ELSE, she should be eating more vegetables and fruit. 

You are right that she has to want to change. You can make this easier for her by TAKING INITIATIVE. Don't just "remind" her to go to the gym or nag her if she starts eating junk food. You should MAKE eating well and working out positive experiences for her. DRAG her lazy bum to the gym--don't just "encourage" and accept her excuses. If she always has an excuse, then always have a counter to it, and make it a HABIT to go to the gym on certain days or times. Also, help her learn exercises or how to use the machines--they can be intimidating, so you shouldn't just take her to the gym and abandon her.

I recommend against counting calories, and instead focusing on achieving a healthier lifestyle in general based on new habits. It's not just about weight loss but about health!


----------



## ku1980rose (Sep 7, 2010)

How is your weight? I have gained quite a bit of weight the last year or so and I am not happy with my weight. If it bothers my husband, I wouldn't know. But I do think it would help me if he would support me in losing weight. Cook healthier, not suggest eating out, drink less beer. I try to diet, but then he has junk and beer around, and I am too tempted to not go for it. Which of you does this cooking and shopping?


----------



## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

leq said:


> I wonder can the reason of her being overweight be her being a vegeterian (doesnt eat meat, fish but eats milk products, eggs)? Like, she does not get enough of protein but carbohydrates and fats instead.


leg if you read the glycemic index book, it touches on the subject of the type of food you eat as a determinant of amount and distribution of fat. You may be right a diet high in starch, white bread, pasta, rice, potatoes etc. promotes fat storage. 

Fat does not mean as much as carbohydrates. I don't diet but I don't eat starch or sugar and my weight is normal and I have no problems controlling my weight. My diet is high in proteins, meat, fish, eggs and fat to some degree. Lots of vegetables and fruits low in CHO index. By fat I mean the good fats like olive oil, does not seem to be a problem if the CHO needed to fully metabolize them.

She is a vegen I assume - if she could incorporate eggs in her diet, avoid rice, potatoes and bread, eat legumes like lentils, beans and vegetables.


----------



## major misfit (Oct 17, 2010)

I can tell you first hand that the "no sugar, no carbs" works. I needed to lose about 25lbs. However..it didn't bother me, and it didn't bother my SO. He couldn't care less. I have late stage Lyme Disease...and the recommendation by the experts is to avoid sugar and carbs, eat the healthy fats (butter, oliver oil), and to even avoid fruits unless it's an apple eaten at the end of a meal. 

I dropped the 25lbs. in a month and a half. If your wife has more weight to lose than that, it's a good way to do it. You don't HAVE to exercise, though maybe you could ask her to go for a "romantic" walk with you on nice evenings. 

You gotta be careful how you approach her, though. Weight is a touchy subject. You'd better hope you don't start losing your hair...maybe she won't like bald men.


----------



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

Ha! When my husband told me he wanted me to lose weight, i told him I wanted him to grow his hair back....
jokingly of course!


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

ku1980rose said:


> How is your weight? I have gained quite a bit of weight the last year or so and I am not happy with my weight. If it bothers my husband, I wouldn't know. But I do think it would help me if he would support me in losing weight. Cook healthier, not suggest eating out, drink less beer. I try to diet, but then he has junk and beer around, and I am too tempted to not go for it. Which of you does this cooking and shopping?


My weight is 75 kg. I myself work out regularly.
My wife does cooking, so she has full power in this sense. The problem is she likes sweet things (candies, ice cream, chocolate) as well chips, white bread instead of dark one (i prefer dark) and other junk food. And she does not like to be active. She visits gym sometimes, though (once a month) and works out but i think, aerobics would be more useful for her. But she doesnt like it - doesnt like jogging, doesnt like getting sweaty.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

Catherine602 said:


> leg if you read the glycemic index book, it touches on the subject of the type of food you eat as a determinant of amount and distribution of fat. You may be right a diet high in starch, white bread, pasta, rice, potatoes etc. promotes fat storage.


Whole grain bread carries just as high a glycemic load as white. It may be better for your, higher in nutrients and fiber, but the glycemic load is the same.

For me, the starchy foods promote excessive hunger. A small amount of protein and fat goes a long way to stave off hunger. But I will be hungry very soon with starchy foods.



> She is a vegen I assume - if she could incorporate eggs in her diet, avoid rice, potatoes and bread, eat legumes like lentils, beans and vegetables.


Beans and rice together make a nice complete protein.


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

Alright. Thanks to all for comments. I really should get courage and talk to her honestly but how? with what words? Not to hurt her, her not to think i do not love her. Because a few days ago i mentioned something like: "we should be more sporty, active, do sports together" (now i do sports alone), and she was kinda offended about it, probably thinking i was pointing at her being overweight


----------



## lime (Jul 3, 2010)

I think one way to approach it would be to sit down and explain that you do love her, and you're worried about her health, first and foremost. Say that you're worried that you won't get to spend the rest of your lives together if she continues to be so unhealthy, because that leads to a lot of problems that can cause an early death. _Focus on her health, and her habits, not her weight._ 

Then, if she asks you if she's unattractive or seems upset, reiterate that you find her attractive, that you might find her more attractive if she lost weight, but your primary concern is again her health. You could also say that her _actions_ are what matter more in terms of attractiveness--as in, she looks attractive when she is working hard at something or putting effort into exercise or being healthy. Sitting around eating candy isn't attractive. It doesn't matter what her weight is or what she looks like during those activities; it's about the effort and the actions.

You can explain that habits are so tough to break and reform, but that you want to do things together and make it a team goal. Then you need to start bringing her along with you to the gym or cooking healthier food for the both of you...Don't ask, "hey do you think you'll want to go to the gym later?" She will just have an excuse. Instead, say, "when are you free tonight?" She will give an answer, then say "great, we'll go to the gym at that time." If she protests, just stay positive and reiterate that habits are hard to change but in the end it will be fun for both of you.

Hopefully this will be of some help!


----------



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

ya know, I am really trying to lose some weight for myself. I have found this nifty lil website to be pretty beneficial. 
Go to "My Plate" under the "tools" tab.

I mean counting calories is no fun, but using the guidelines on this site and paying more attention to what I am eating in general has helped. I have been trying to think of it as a game. It has this awesome database that has all kinds of different foods and their nutrition.

Plus it does cool things like creating a pie chart that tracks where the calories are coming from ( fat, protein and carbs). You can also track your fitness to see how many calories you are burning.
At night I can look and see if I can have an extra glass of wine or a piece of chocolate based on how many calories I have burned vs. consumed.
I have also learned through this process that I have a serious problem w/ sodium....


----------



## hohum (Dec 14, 2010)

Hmmm, this is a difficult one. I put on lots of weight and I knew it was affecting my marriage, because I was heavy I didn't feel sexy therefore our sex life dwindled...3 months ago I had a wake up call and went on a very very strict diet and lost the excess weight, however this was too little too late as my partner has now left me.

I would tell your wife that you love her but you are concerned that her body image issues are affecting your relationship (I wish my partner had told me) once she loses weight her confidence will increase and your sex life will get back on track.

As I said I would highlight that her body image issues are the problem. Obviously tell her you love her no matter what but that you are concerned about her physical and mental health.


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

hohum said:


> Hmmm, this is a difficult one. I put on lots of weight and I knew it was affecting my marriage, because I was heavy I didn't feel sexy therefore our sex life dwindled...3 months ago I had a wake up call and went on a very very strict diet and lost the excess weight, however this was too little too late as my partner has now left me.
> 
> I would tell your wife that you love her but you are concerned that her body image issues are affecting your relationship (I wish my partner had told me) once she loses weight her confidence will increase and your sex life will get back on track.
> 
> As I said I would highlight that her body image issues are the problem. Obviously tell her you love her no matter what but that you are concerned about her physical and mental health.



It would be easier to tell if she gained weight after we had got married but the thing is she had been quite plump before we got married. At that time, i didnt really pay attention on it, maybe because of her personality and "full-in-love" feeling, but now i care...So, if i tell her that i am concerned about her weight now, she may misunderstand me and think i just dont love her anymore.


----------



## Mom6547 (Jul 13, 2010)

leq said:


> It would be easier to tell if she gained weight after we had got married but the thing is she had been quite plump before we got married. At that time, i didnt really pay attention on it, maybe because of her personality and "full-in-love" feeling, but now i care...So, if i tell her that i am concerned about her weight now, she may misunderstand me and think i just dont love her anymore.


You know I hate to be the voice of dissension here. But so would I. I was good enough for you before. But now you want someone slim and something not me? Well next time don't pick me. And don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out.

I am exaggerating for the sake of effect.


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

vthomeschoolmom said:


> You know I hate to be the voice of dissension here. But so would I. I was good enough for you before. But now you want someone slim and something not me? Well next time don't pick me. And don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out.
> 
> I am exaggerating for the sake of effect.


Yes, this kind of reaction I may expect from her


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

For last few months I have been all "Let's start healthy life together", bought multi-vitamins for her, talked to her much about changing food habits from carbs to more proteins (since she is a vegeterian, and i noticed that her diet was mostly carbs and fats, and very low of proteins - no meat, no fish, very little of milk products and very little of soya), persuaded her to go swimming a few times a week but she didnt go (i myself work out 3-4 times a week), persuaded her to eat most of daily carbs in the morning and only proteins in the evening. But now i notice she is getting annoyed by all this, annoyed by my pushing her, forcing her to do sports, eat healthy, although she barely follows my recommendations.


----------



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

She may be annoyed, but has she started to see any results?


----------



## leq (Nov 29, 2010)

Maybe a little. The reason of "a little" is she does not really follow my recommendations. No sport really (went a few times during 2 months), eats sweet things pretty often as well as more protein.


----------



## Mrs.LonelyGal (Nov 8, 2010)

You shouldn't berate her all the time or treat her like a child. There is a fine line between being encouraging and being pushy.
These things take time and if she wants to get better and likes the results she is seeing she will try and keep it up w/o you reminding her constantly about what she should be eating or how she should get her exercise.
I think now is the time for you to try positive reinforcement. Like "Honey, I can tell you have lost some weight, you look really sexy today, keep up the good work"


----------



## gregj123 (Dec 29, 2010)

I love a nice thick women!!!! Be happy with her not her looks she has to make the choice to loose weight. Bbw are fine in my book!!!


----------

