# ?



## Sunny3 (Apr 25, 2017)

Obviously I'm here for a reason that is pretty obvious! I am too strong willed to join the other side but I would like to know from any of you how you deal with the loneliness of it all??? I'm okay diving into life, I'm over the realization stage of the pressure of putting someone on a pedistal, and I know that it's still going on nothing can stop that. What I really want to know is how do you all deal with it? Like sometimes I just want a Goddamn hug from someone, but there's never anyone to be found. Or even someone who gives a **** to go with me to the doctor because my health sucks. I know this sounds terribly childish but advice would be lovely!


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## LostinMO (Jan 1, 2016)

*If I knew the answers, we'd both be better off. Life sucks sometimes. Just hang in there.*


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

I think everyone suffers from this, even people who are happy and in good marriages go through this from time to time, if there is a rough patch. loneliness is inherent in the human condition. It's the same as being cold or being hungry. It's just a part of our makeup. learning to accept it helps. And get out there an try to meet people. 

What's up with that? Why are you not doing that?


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

If you've never lived alone or been alone for any length of time, then it behooves you to learn to be happy alone. That way, you have less of a need for or dependency on companionship. Companionship should augment an already complete life, not fill in the gaps. Just my opinion. 

And yes, we all go through this. I've been through it several times.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Most of the self-help books stress the need to "Get a Life." That means doing things by yourself (or with a spouse or children or friends) that make you happy and give your life meaning. The advice on learning to find happiness by yourself is good advice.

Far too many people are codependent on their spouse. At times that can be smothering to the other person. 

Ultimately, we need to take responsibility for our own happiness. You can find someone to share your life with and who will be a source of happiness, but you should never put them in the position of being your only source of happiness.

Good luck and with hard work and luck it will get better. If you are really down I suggest that you get some marriage counseling and they know how to help you and can give you guidance on way you can improve your life and marriage.


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## AtMyEnd (Feb 20, 2017)

Sunny3 said:


> Obviously I'm here for a reason that is pretty obvious! I am too strong willed to join the other side but I would like to know from any of you how you deal with the loneliness of it all??? I'm okay diving into life, I'm over the realization stage of the pressure of putting someone on a pedistal, and I know that it's still going on nothing can stop that. What I really want to know is how do you all deal with it? Like sometimes I just want a Goddamn hug from someone, but there's never anyone to be found. Or even someone who gives a **** to go with me to the doctor because my health sucks. I know this sounds terribly childish but advice would be lovely!


Trust me, I get it. Try being married to someone for 13 years and living with them for 15 and still not being able to get a hug when you really want one or need one.


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## MovingForward (Jan 19, 2017)

Sunny3 said:


> Obviously I'm here for a reason that is pretty obvious! I am too strong willed to join the other side but I would like to know from any of you *how you deal with the loneliness of it all*??? I'm okay diving into life, I'm over the realization stage of the pressure of putting someone on a pedistal, and I know that it's still going on nothing can stop that.* What I really want to know is how do you all deal with it? Like sometimes I just want a Goddamn hug from someone, but there's never anyone to be found. Or even someone who gives a **** to go with me to the doctor because my health sucks. I know this sounds terribly childish but advice would be lovely*!


When you find the answers let me know, my STBXW still lives with me but the loneliness is terrible and I would really love someone to care about me or be available for some physical affection from time to time.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Satya said:


> If you've never lived alone or been alone for any length of time, then it behooves you to learn to be happy alone. That way, you have less of a need for or dependency on companionship. Companionship should augment an already complete life, *not fill in the gaps*. Just my opinion.
> 
> And yes, we all go through this. I've been through it several times.


Uh, I agree with everything you wrote.

I do.

But, *it is the man's job to fill in the gap.* 

What? Well, temporarily, anyhow.

I am so bad. And you are so....helpful.

Just sayin'


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## Sunny3 (Apr 25, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> Most of the self-help books stress the need to "Get a Life." That means doing things by yourself (or with a spouse or children or friends) that make you happy and give your life meaning. The advice on learning to find happiness by yourself is good advice.
> 
> Far too many people are codependent on their spouse. At times that can be smothering to the other person.
> 
> ...


I would love to. He doesn't. I'm okay with being happy with me and have started a life away from that as I have read to do. Once in a while though no matter how happy you are with yourself you crave human contact! A simple hug!

It makes you vulnerable especially when you come seeking help and realize how many of us there are! Very sad. I put the phone down and danced with my children blowing bubbles in the living room! 
I guess reaching out is a lesson in experience as well!!!

Sent from my SM-J320R4 using Tapatalk


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Sunny3 said:


> I would love to. He doesn't. *I'm okay with being happy with me and have started a life away f*rom that as I have read to do.* Once in a while though no matter how happy you are with yourself you crave human contact! A simple hug!*
> 
> It makes you vulnerable especially when you come seeking help and realize how many of us there are! Very sad. *I put the phone down and danced with my children blowing bubbles in the living room!
> I guess reaching out is a lesson in experience as well!!!*
> ...


You have a great attitude. Yes, we all need human companionship and touch! Sue Johnson's book Touch Me is about as well researched and documented a book explaining how mammal in general and people in particular need to be touched. In church there is the laying on of hands to help heal. Many churches embrace a moment of greeting fellow parishioners. 

Dancing with your children, holding them and blowing bubbles with them is a way of bonding and being touched. Well done.

Again, part of the point of Getting a Life (of your own) is so that you will have social contact, positive comments and an occasional hug when you need it.

Good luck to you.


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