# Too little shared interests



## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

Husband didn't want to let me go and we both convinced myself that being with him was best. Security was the primary reason for marriage. To be with someone for the rest of my life..to be taken care of. For most of our relationship, it was about him loving me. Taking care of me during my hard times. It was hard to love him when I found it hard to love myself.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Interesting how it is so difficult to love your husband because "You don`t love yourself" but you have feelings for this other man even though I assume you still "Don`t love yourself"

If you want this man divorce your husband.

Anything else is selfish and disrespectful.

I pity your husband for his poor choices.


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

Quite a response.

This man is married. 

Well, I am still uncertain of this feeling for this man. But, I just love that he loves what I love! It's an amazing feeling. And, this man even told me he wishes he had met me before his wife.

Divorce is rampant in my family and my parents divorced when i was 6. Still are single. I struggle with wanting to break that cycle and yet I also don't want to stay in marriage that doesnt satisfy.


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

What do you consider poor choices by my husband?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

FoundLove said:


> Divorce is rampant in my family and my parents divorced when i was 6. Still are single. I struggle with wanting to break that cycle and yet I also don't want to stay in marriage that doesnt satisfy.


Then divorce your husband but even that doesn`t help you with your new beau as he belongs to another.

Does he have children?

What pain you`ll be exposing his wife to.


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

Well, I just met this man. I am attracted to him and I want him.But, he has children and a wife. So, that is what makes it all so difficult.

Well, anything can happen. I have my fantasies for sure. But, I dont want to do something I will later regret. Nor he.

I think I know what I want to do but I am scared to do it. You know?


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

I mean, I question my motives for everything. Can a marriage really be exciting for 50 years...IF you have a shared passion? Is that what I need? 

I can get by just fine with my husband. But, I want more. I am curious. Is there better?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

FoundLove said:


> Well, I just met this man. I am attracted to him and I want him.But, he has children and a wife. So, that is what makes it all so difficult.
> 
> Well, anything can happen. I have my fantasies for sure. But, I dont want to do something I will later regret. Nor he.
> 
> I think I know what I want to do but I am scared to do it. You know?


How well do you know this man?

I mean, he`s married and has kids and seems willing to take another woman.
I just know I couldn`t do that to my kids or my wife.
But I couldn`t bear what it would do to my daughter and I truly couldn`t bear how I would look in her eyes.
It would destroy her idea of what her father is.

Your position is impossible without utterly destroying many lives.

Have you tried working your troubles out with your husband?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

FoundLove said:


> I can get by just fine with my husband. But, I want more. I am curious. Is there better?


There`s an old saying I`ve come to love.

"The grass is greener where you water it"

There most definately is better and it may be that the grass can be pretty damn green where you are right now if you put a little work into it.

If it doesn`t work out end it with some dignity and respect for your husband.

Divorce him and then look for something better.


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

Well, I dont know how willing he is. But, he -like i--find it appealing that we share similar passions. We both dont have that in our spouse.

How can I work out something like unshared passions? Is this something that is essential in a very happy marriage? Part of me feels like I should just deal with it and be happy with what I have. Yet, I am an idealist.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

I don't know, man. Marriage is so messed up now-a-days...who really knows? 

In my opinion though, it's kind of rotten to do that to his wife and kids. It messes everyone's life up to break up a family like that. Marriage is no longer about commitment anymore...it's about staying with someone til something better comes along, and to heII if there is a family involved! Maybe this is the true test of marriage? If you can sustain the marriage even when temptation is right in front of you? But the first whif of temptation and there you are ready to end two marriages, two families (Man and wife = a family, kids or no). Hurt what sounds like a good husband. Hurt this other guy's wife and kids. Break up families. 

You are right. It is selfish and you recognize it, otherwise you wouldn't be on here talking about it.


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

tacoma said:


> There`s an old saying I`ve come to love.
> 
> "The grass is greener where you water it"
> 
> ...



I agree with that saying. Yet, I feel like we are more different, especially now that I am not depressed, and he and I dont have that shared interests...man, I never thought that would be so important.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

FoundLove said:


> Well, I dont know how willing he is. But, he -like i--find it appealing that we share similar passions. We both dont have that in our spouse.
> 
> How can I work out something like unshared passions? Is this something that is essential in a very happy marriage? Part of me feels like I should just deal with it and be happy with what I have. Yet, I am an idealist.


Why did you marry your husband?

Stop...really think about it and remember when you met him the things you did the things you shared.

There must have been something, something you`ve apparently lost along the way.

It`s really not that hard to get it back if two people are willing.


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

stillme4you said:


> I don't know, man. Marriage is so messed up now-a-days...who really knows?
> 
> In my opinion though, it's kind of rotten to do that to his wife and kids. It messes everyone's life up to break up a family like that. Marriage is no longer about commitment anymore...it's about staying with someone til something better comes along, and to heII if there is a family involved! Maybe this is the true test of marriage? If you can sustain the marriage even when temptation is right in front of you? But the first whif of temptation and there you are ready to end two marriages, two families (Man and wife = a family, kids or no). Hurt what sounds like a good husband. Hurt this other guy's wife and kids. Break up families.
> 
> You are right. It is selfish and you recognize it, otherwise you wouldn't be on here talking about it.


I dont think I would do that. But, the reason I mentioned this man was to bring up the fact that I am now aware of this passion. And I want that in my marriage. And, part of me wishes I would have waited to get married.  I need to think about some things and what I want from myself, hubby and life.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Stop having an affair. Cut off contact w the married Guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

tacoma said:


> Why did you marry your husband?
> 
> Stop...really think about it and remember when you met him the things you did the things you shared.
> 
> ...


Well, two large areas of my life has changed since: religion and nutrition. I am passionate about putting healthy food in my body and he doesn't care. That bothers me immensely. And, I am not religious anymore. He is. So, those two right there, are something that wasnt present in 2009.

I married him because we got along well and we shared similiar values. Yet, I had also emotionally cheated on him twice--even 8 months prior to marriage. 

Do I simply commit for the sake of commitment? Hmm..?


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## FoundLove (Aug 23, 2009)

Jellybeans said:


> Stop having an affair. Cut off contact w the married Guy.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


thanks for the honest post.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

FoundLove said:


> I dont think I would do that. But, the reason I mentioned this man was to bring up the fact that I am now aware of this passion. And I want that in my marriage. And, part of me wishes I would have waited to get married.  I need to think about some things and what I want from myself, hubby and life.


I think every married person feels that way at one point or another. Have you discussed this with your husband?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

FoundLove said:


> Well, two large areas of my life has changed since: religion and nutrition. I am passionate about putting healthy food in my body and he doesn't care. That bothers me immensely. And, I am not religious anymore. He is. So, those two right there, are something that wasnt present in 2009.
> 
> I married him because we got along well and we shared similiar values. Yet, I had also emotionally cheated on him twice--even 8 months prior to marriage.
> 
> Do I simply commit for the sake of commitment? Hmm..?


No that would be foolish.

Well religion and lifestyle are two areas where spouses must be at the very least compatible if not on the same page so maybe you have a point.

I`d advise strongly against this other man and in fact would recommend you keep your distance from him for the time being if for no other reason than to clear your head because you are in a bit of a fog y`know?

If you truly believe the differences between you and your husband are a deal breaker then you should ultimately divorce and move on.

But you can`t truly think rationally with this other man around getting into your head as he obviously has.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

FoundLove said:


> thanks for the honest post.


Well...it's true. Your username says it all. Cut it off and let your husband know how you feel.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

These are the facts as you have laid them out. You grew up in a less than ideal home and you were depressed and troubled for many years. 

Your husband was your salvation don't you think? What would have happened to you had he not ever been in your life? You cheated on him twice already and you glibly contemplate cheating on him again. 

This man has given you what few people give, deep abiding love, a friendship to count on, support and security. Your parents did not give that to you but this kind good man did. 

Does that mean you are required to love and to remain married to him. No. But it absolutely requires that you be honest with him and do what is honorable. 

If you do not love him let him go, he will be snapped up by a good woman inside of a year, who will love him and whom he will love. You will be free to chase rainbows with married men looking to use silly married women for a little fun on the side. 

You are quite right- you two are very different. He is steadfast, loving, generous, and stable and supportive. You appear to be short on those qualities - you if you find it easy to begin on this road of cheating a third time. 

The qualities of shallowness, insubstantial, dysloyal, self- centered and rather foolish come to mind. I don't know how else to explain a woman who gives up being a princess in one mans life to be a throw away in a dishonest deceitful mans life.

Do you get it! Do something about yourself before you destroy your husband . The only connection this man wants with you is his outie going into your innie. Don't fool yourself. 

But before you do anything let this lovely man go. He will hurt but I think when he rids himself of you, it will be the beginning of the best times of his life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

You don't seem to understand the concept of commitment and you don't seem to understand that your need to pursue what makes you feel good in a particular moment has grave consequences to innocent people including children.

All relationships get boring in the long term. Common interests is not the miracle cure you think it is. 

Even though you are not a christian, adultery is a terrible thing. You should stop committing it by either having an affiar while you are married, or having a relationship with another who is married.


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## Unhappy2011 (Dec 28, 2011)

FoundLove said:


> Well, I just met this man. I am attracted to him and I want him.But, he has children and a wife. So, that is what makes it all so difficult.
> 
> Well, anything can happen. I have my fantasies for sure. But, I dont want to do something I will later regret. Nor he.
> 
> I think I know what I want to do but I am scared to do it. You know?


I was actually empathizing with you up til this post.

If you are not in love with your husband, that's one thing.


But don't cross that line of wanting someone else's husband.

Don't interfere with some one else's relationship.


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