# Wife goes out all the time



## beeper (Mar 3, 2014)

My wife is gone all the time.

We've been married 16 years. We have an 11 and 8 year old.

My wife is gone almost every night and every weekend afternoon.

It is one thing after another. She goes drinking and smoking with friends. 

Here two best friends are now divorcing because they have been unfaithful to their husbands.

Right now, she goes to another friend's house several times a day. This friend has cancer, and has no functional family. I can understand her helping her cancer friend, and I can also understand her wanting to go out with her buddies.

But I am tired of doing everything on my own. She is a stay at home mom, and we homeschool one of our kids, and she pretty much does nothing. I have to come home from work during the day to help our son with his homework. She does no housework. I do about 90 percent of the laundry, cooking and cleaning. She does almost nothing.

For example, right now the house is cluttered with her scrapbook stuff from her all weekend scrap retreat from last weekend. She brought it in from the car and did not put it up. I really want to take it to the dump. (This is funny: I do all the dishes and laundry. She gripes me for how I do it! So if I put her stuff up, it would cause her to gripe at me.) 

(As an aside, this scrapping weekend was highlighted with her friend sending one of her men (one of many) to my wife's motel room at 2 am because her husband showed up. Long story short, the police were involved.)

I'm irritated, frustrated, angry, and suspicious. She spent all afternoon with her cancer friend yesterday, and has been over there twice today. (Leaving the kids and me to eat and be alone, of course.)

Tonight, I told her that if she needed a cigarette that badly, she could just smoke at home. (She smokes with her cancer friend.) I also told her that if she needed that much help, she should just pack a bag and move.

That, of course made her mad.

Right now, I don't care if I turn into a controlling jerk. I want my wife home. 

That aside, marriage is not bad. I love my wife. Sex is often and great (which actually makes me a bit more suspicious.)

I feel I am caught in a double standard. If a man were acting like my wife, 99% of people would say that "he is cheating on you and has abandoned you. Get a lawyer.)

Is this a normal mid life crisis? What should I do?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

What you do for now.
Do NOT confront.
Purchase a voice activated recorder and stick it in the car.
You should get an answer within a week whether something funny is going on.
You may want to check the phone records also.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Here two best friends are now divorcing because they have been unfaithful to their husbands.

Ugh this is a BIG red flag. Get the VAR asap!


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## techmom (Oct 22, 2012)

This needs to go in the CWI forums, cause she is cheating or is about to, do surveillance pronto.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

techmom said:


> This needs to go in the CWI forums, cause she is cheating or is about to, do surveillance pronto.


:iagree:
PM a moderator


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## beeper (Mar 3, 2014)

Well, if there is infidelity, this is not very interesting.

What if there is not?


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

You're right. What if there is or isn't infidelity? You're pretty much the in the same spot. Provider, house keeper, child minder, etc... On the list of priorities in her life, where do you think she places you? Better yet, where do you place you?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

anchorwatch said:


> You're right. What if there is or isn't infidelity? You're pretty much the in the same spot. Provider, house keeper, child minder, etc... On the list of priorities in her life, where do you think she places you? Better yet, where do you place you


Stop doing all the chores.
Get the book "no more mr. nice guy" and "married mans sex life primer".
Only after you get (or don't get) evidence you have a sit down with her with no emotion and very business like and tell her you are not okay with her going out so often.
Again as little emotion as possible, it shows strength.
Nip this NOW!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Beeper, read this. See if it applies...

No More Mr Nice Guy


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

And those "friends" of hers are going to ruin your marriage, they have to go bye bye.


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## barbados (Aug 30, 2012)

She has a LOT of cheating red flags going. But even if she is not cheating, she is using you as a complete doormat. She gets to party while you are both father/provider AND mother/housewife. She is able to do this because YOU allow it.

Has she always been like this during your marriage, or is this relatively new behavior for her ?


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## Mike lowery (Mar 4, 2014)

Sounds familiar. Only thing is my wife works and only goes out a couple times a month.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Either draw your line in the sand and stand up for yourself and your marriage, or just accept that this will be your life. If you want to find out whether she's cheating then investigate.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Here is your problem
You confront and she is innocent. BIG damage. My wife has accused me like half a dozen times. It really pizzes me off. Ive never even kissed another woman.

You confront with your weak evidence. She will blow your azz so far out of the water you wont land for a month. We see this 40000 times here. Suspicious spouse confronts with weak evidence, guilty spouse blows them the fvck up. They come here. Go all 007 and get real evidence. Second confront is usually tears or them getting mad for actually being caught.

Message a moderator to send this to CWI forum
Odds of current affair: 49%
Odds cheating h0 friends are pushing her that way: 99.9999%

CWI = coping with infidelity.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Mike to where? VERIFIED GNOs to a friends house with (only) other women coming home at say midnight are MASSIVE mental releases for them. These should be ENCOURAGED. 

GNOs to clubs and bars... NOTHING good comes from coming home at 5AM. How many times here have we seen...?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

You do all the chores while doesn't work? How long are you going to accept that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## treyvion (Apr 29, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Mike to where? VERIFIED GNOs to a friends house with (only) other women coming home at say midnight are MASSIVE mental releases for them. These should be ENCOURAGED.
> 
> GNOs to clubs and bars... NOTHING good comes from coming home at 5AM. How many times here have we seen...?


Like a movie that replays over and over and over again.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Reminded me of Logan3.


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