# Does Uncle have crush on wife???



## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

So what do you all think of these comments. My uncle said to me a couple of years ago regarding my wife "she is certainly gorgeous young lady isn't she?" and earlier this year when I was home for a funeral by myself he said to me, "I miss Kim(not real name) quite a bit." 
In each case I just said "ok" but did not really no how to respond. Now I should say that my uncle is around 30 years older than my wife.

Next my wife and I are going to the town my family, including uncle lives in, at the end of the year. We will be there for New Years eve and my wife is going with cousins out while I stay in and look after our son. She will definitely see my uncle, whose company she enjoys. She even says he reminds her of her late grandfather. She used to the same about me. 

I am hoping I am simply being paranoid, which I often am. My wife and I have not had a great marriage, although we have been working on it. Over the past couple of years she has told me to man up, she is no longer attracted to me. Although she now says she finds me attractive. I find that hard to believe ago as a month ago she did not.

She does go out with her friends drinking once or twice a month. For her birthday she got dressed very sexily and went out and came home at 3 in the morning. She has come home late a handful of times like that. She does not tell me where she is going and I do not ask. In the summer she said she was going to some bar where they play volleyball. Although she said she did not really play. Once or twice she came home way around 1-2. Normally she would get home around midnight. Again I never asked what she did. She always went with her friends.

What do you all think of this situation?

P.S she said she is going to get wasted on NYE.
P.S.S 3 months ago she said she found me boring. Has only said that to me once.


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## browser (Oct 26, 2016)

I think your uncle is the least of your problems.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Those two statements from a relative of yours that is 30 years her senior wouldn't alert me personally. It just sounds like he is being polite and complimenting you on your wife's nice qualities. That being said, I know that there have been times that comments hit my "something's not right here radar" and many times that intuition is right. 

I don't know the rest of your story, so I don't have much else to add on the rest of what you said. I'm a married woman that does not go to bars with anyone but my husband...period. It just doesn't feel appropriate to me.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

browser said:


> I think your uncle is the least of your problems.


Your likely correct. I am just in my head about everything at the moment. We were supposedly working on things and now she is making the choice to go out in NYE without and get drunk. She is going out with my cousins. I assume they will go to various parties on NYE.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Spicy said:


> Those two statements from a relative of yours that is 30 years her senior wouldn't alert me personally. It just sounds like he is being polite and complimenting you on your wife's nice qualities. That being said, I know that there have been times that comments hit my "something's not right here radar" and many times that intuition is right.
> 
> I don't know the rest of your story, so I don't have much else to add on the rest of what you said. I'm a married woman that does not go to bars with anyone but my husband...period. It just doesn't feel appropriate to me.


Thanks. Your comment puts more at ease about my uncle. But yes I would not, and do not go to bars etc without my wife.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

lancaster said:


> Your likely correct. I am just in my head about everything at the moment. We were supposedly working on things and now she is making the choice to go out in NYE without and get drunk. She is going out with my cousins. I assume they will go to various parties on NYE.


Hire a babysitter and go out with her if you are worried.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Spicy said:


> Hire a babysitter and go out with her if you are worried.


She would think I am being controlling. I would consider that controlling also.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

What is your uncle like has he been divorced or a known cheater?

Sometimes older men you think are safe are just smooth and cunning and in the game with longer term goals. 

Your W seems to have an issue with needing male attention.

Tamat


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

How's the intimacy? Kissing and sex often?

When she comes home at 1-3am in the morning, does she want sex with you?

Are you checking her phone bill?


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## Emerging Buddhist (Apr 7, 2016)

lancaster said:


> She would think I am being controlling. I would consider that controlling also.


Controlling to go out on New Years Eve and have fun with your wife?


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Controlling??? how is that controlling....going to bars with your wife.?....look you can either be an alpha male or beta male, but i can tell you one thing...the chances of a beta male becoming plan b guys are high....i think your wife has little respect for you and perhaps the marriage. don't be surprised if she is looking to move on in some way.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

TAMAT said:


> What is your uncle like has he been divorced or a known cheater?
> 
> Sometimes older men you think are safe are just smooth and cunning and in the game with longer term goals.
> 
> ...


Uncle did cheat on his wife once about 30 years ago. You might be right about wife needing male attention. I never considered that.



GuyInColorado said:


> How's the intimacy? Kissing and sex often?
> 
> When she comes home at 1-3am in the morning, does she want sex with you?
> 
> Are you checking her phone bill?


We have had sex only twice when she has come home late. Is that something I should take into consideration? I have never seen her phone bill.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

How old are you both? What do you do for fun together?


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Xenote said:


> Controlling??? how is that controlling....going to bars with your wife.?....look you can either be an alpha male or beta male, but i can tell you one thing...the chances of a beta male becoming plan b guys are high....i think your wife has little respect for you and perhaps the marriage. don't be surprised if she is looking to move on in some way.


I think this makes sense. She definitely likes alphas. I am definitely not.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Celes said:


> How old are you both? What do you do for fun together?


I am about 10 years older than her. She is in her early 30s me in early 40s. We don't do much for fun at all these days. A quiet date night about twice a month and we are always home by 10. oftern earlier.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

lancaster said:


> She would think I am being controlling. I would consider that controlling also.


Controlling? Wanting to party with your wife is controlling? Nope.

Why not tell her that you find babysitting for new years to be boring and you want to party with her.

Maybe this is why she made the comment about you being boring...

Get a baby sitter and go party with your wife.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

lancaster said:


> I am about 10 years older than her. She is in her early 30s me in early 40s. We don't do much for fun at all these days. A quiet date night about twice a month and we are always home by 10. oftern earlier.


This is why she's bored. It's a similar dynamic in my marriage. I'm 31, H is 44. We hardly ever go out. I still want to go out, have fun, dance, etc. H would rather stay in and watch Netflix, maybe order pizza. So I tend to go out with friends more often (he doesn't mind at all, he's relieved lol). And yeah, I'll dress hot sometimes, come home late, etc. Never cheated and I would much rather we do exciting things together, and he's been trying a little more lately.

Maybe you can come up with some more exciting dates. Give her the chance to get all dolled up. Or play a game and pretend to be strangers at the bar. Have her dress super sexy and "pick her up".


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

lancaster said:


> So what do you all think of these comments. My uncle said to me a couple of years ago regarding my wife "she is certainly gorgeous young lady isn't she?" and earlier this year when I was home for a funeral by myself he said to me, "I miss Kim(not real name) quite a bit."
> In each case I just said "ok" but did not really no how to respond. Now I should say that my uncle is around 30 years older than my wife.
> 
> Next my wife and I are going to the town my family, including uncle lives in, at the end of the year. We will be there for New Years eve and my wife is going with cousins out while I stay in and look after our son. She will definitely see my uncle, whose company she enjoys. She even says he reminds her of her late grandfather. She used to the same about me.
> ...


She's right,you need to man up. She's throwing it in your face. If she hasn't hooked up with other men I would be shocked.

You need the MMSLP book linked to below yesterday.

Get the download version at Barnes or amazon.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

lancaster said:


> She would think I am being controlling. I would consider that controlling also.


Really? Married people normally do things together. Disappearing to 0300 is something spouses do not do.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*o sRe: Does Uncle have crush on wife???*



lancaster said:


> Your likely correct. I am just in my head about everything at the moment. We were supposedly working on things and now she is making the choice to go out in NYE without and get drunk. She is going out with my cousins. I assume they will go to various parties on NYE.



Have someone shadow her. You are in deep doo doo.

She did the turn-around on her assessment of you because you showed it bothered you.

She wants to have fun without you. But she also wants you to stick around....longer.

She is playing a mind game on you. If she could find a guy to take your place, she would be gone. Right now she is fishing.

You are paying for the bait that another male shark gets to sample. You are being Suckered, Mr. Fish.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I hope @EleGirl and @Celes are correct.

That your marriage is correctable, that things have not gone.....wet, long,deep.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

lancaster said:


> She would think I am being controlling. I would consider that controlling also.


Why would anyone consider a married couple being together on NYE to be controlling? :scratchhead:

Or is there more to this story than meets they eye?


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

Chaparral said:


> She's right,you need to man up. She's throwing it in your face. If she hasn't hooked up with other men I would be shocked.
> 
> You need the MMSLP book linked to below yesterday.
> 
> Get the download version at Barnes or amazon.


I dont think she has hooked up with anybody yet. I do agree that ultimately that this is where it is leading though. There is a saying that I like, "hang around a barber shop long enough and your going to get a haircut." The same can be said for clubs and bars IMO.



Yeswecan said:


> Really? Married people normally do things together. Disappearing to 0300 is something spouses do not do.


I agree especially when they wake up the next day smelling like a brewery. She even told me when she went out on her Birthday with her girlfriends, that I should sleep downstairs as she would be home late and didn't want to wake me up.



SunCMars said:


> Have someone shadow her. You are in deep doo doo.
> 
> She did the turn-around on her assessment of you because you showed it bothered you.
> 
> ...


I agree she is certainly fishing.



SunCMars said:


> I hope @EleGirl and @Celes are correct.
> 
> That your marriage is correctable, that things have not gone.....wet, long,deep.


Don't think it has gone that far yet, but it could given time.



MattMatt said:


> Why would anyone consider a married couple being together on NYE to be controlling? :scratchhead:
> 
> Or is there more to this story than meets they eye?


A good question. But nothing more to this than what I said I think. My wife and I have had problems at home. We always have. I thought things were getting better though. Now I am not so sure.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

EleGirl said:


> Controlling? Wanting to party with your wife is controlling? Nope.
> 
> Why not tell her that you find babysitting for new years to be boring and you want to party with her.
> 
> ...


I told her that tonight. So thanks for that. 



Celes said:


> This is why she's bored. It's a similar dynamic in my marriage. I'm 31, H is 44. We hardly ever go out. I still want to go out, have fun, dance, etc. H would rather stay in and watch Netflix, maybe order pizza. So I tend to go out with friends more often (he doesn't mind at all, he's relieved lol). And yeah, I'll dress hot sometimes, come home late, etc. Never cheated and I would much rather we do exciting things together, and he's been trying a little more lately.
> 
> Maybe you can come up with some more exciting dates. Give her the chance to get all dolled up. Or play a game and pretend to be strangers at the bar. Have her dress super sexy and "pick her up".


Sounds like my wife and I. IDK but I have no desire to go to bars without my wife. Maybe just an age think IDK. She has never seemed overly keen on the role playing thing before. But perhaps she will be if I bring it up again. Its funny but my wife seems a bit prudish when it comes to sex with me. I don't think she was in the past with others. I am sure I seem prudish to her too. I definitely was not prior to marriage.


EDIT: I should also say this going to bars has only happened since summer. She never was into bars while we were dating. She said she had left the party scene far behind her. Obviously that is not the case. I ought to have known something was up when she could never give me a concrete number as to how many sexual partners she had before me. She also assumed that I had been with far more women than I had. I wonder now if she was just hoping I had been with a lot of women to make her number seem small.


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## becareful2 (Jul 8, 2016)

When a wife tells her husband to man up, that's as bad as it gets. She just doesn't have any respect for you. What happened that allowed whatever initial respect she had for you early on in the marriage to dissipate to nothing? Why did you acquiesce to her comment that it was controlling? You've given her all the power in this relationship dynamic. Take it back if you want your marriage to have any chance of surviving. Women want to respect their men, so since she currently has none for you, don't be surprised if she has cheated with a more assertive guy already.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

lancaster said:


> She would think I am being controlling. I would consider that controlling also.


If that's what your afraid of, then I think you are doomed. With that attitude, I don't think you can be helped.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

lancaster said:


> She would think I am being controlling. I would consider that controlling also.



Nope, it's what a manly husband would do. Obviously you haven't heeded her advice to man up. Do you have it in you to do so? Or not?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

My friend I think you have a rude awakening coming at you.


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## lancaster (Dec 2, 2013)

becareful2 said:


> When a wife tells her husband to man up, that's as bad as it gets. She just doesn't have any respect for you. What happened that allowed whatever initial respect she had for you early on in the marriage to dissipate to nothing? Why did you acquiesce to her comment that it was controlling? You've given her all the power in this relationship dynamic. Take it back if you want your marriage to have any chance of surviving. Women want to respect their men, so since she currently has none for you, don't be surprised if she has cheated with a more assertive guy already.


I agree with what you say. For some reason the way she looked when she went out clubbing with her friends on her birthday really bothers me. She has never dressed like that for me. Never.



The Middleman said:


> If that's what your afraid of, then I think you are doomed. With that attitude, I don't think you can be helped.





Marc878 said:


> Nope, it's what a manly husband would do. Obviously you haven't heeded her advice to man up. Do you have it in you to do so? Or not?





Marc878 said:


> My friend I think you have a rude awakening coming at you.


I think you are right. I think I do to. I don't even know where to begin being manly without seeming controlling. So I let her do whatever.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Read up

http://r.search.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0LE..._Guy.pdf/RK=0/RS=sJWB8o9X4IHhq_ibKkng5eOcfGc-


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

lancaster said:


> I agree with what you say. For some reason the way she looked when she went out clubbing with her friends on her birthday really bothers me. She has never dressed like that for me. Never.


Have you taken her anywhere where she could get dressed up nicely? Have you told her how hot you think she looks or asked her to dress up for you?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Hello! Lesson one in 'manning up': Woman, they are* my* relatives and if anyone is going to party with them and come home sh!t-faced, it's going to be me!


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

lancaster said:


> I think you are right. I think I do to. I don't even know where to begin being manly without seeming controlling. So I let her do whatever.


When I found myself challenged by my wife's behavior that I didn't think was appropriate, I became what many people would call "controlling". I proactively stoped the behavior, and I didn't give a F**k want she or others people said about me. I did what I felt I had to do and let the chips fall where they may.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Telling you to man up but then changing her tune that she's attracted to you could be just guilty conscious. Not all wives that go on these GNO are screwing around but an unhealthy amount are. The thing about a wife dressing provocatively to go to a venue where men are looking for hookups is a recipe for disaster. Music & alcohol lower inhibitions. So many times there is a regular guy that they're hooking up with and her friends cover for them. 

Your uncle is the least of your worries. Even a below average woman can have a ONS at these things it's as easy as pressing the "Easy" button but if she's dressed like she's on the prowl she'll have the pick of the "hottest" guys. You think she's going pass up Mr Johnny Long D!ck because she doesn't want to hurt old boring husband?

Hungry players can spot the bored wives a mile away. They're the easiest pickings at the bar/club. It's known that wives will be the wildest in bed with no strings attached. Pursing an attractive single woman takes a lot of effort and they usually won't be as wanton on the 1st night. 

I'm sure some women will disagree but a wife should not be at bars/clubs without her husband and ESPECIALLY coming home at 2 in AM.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

lancaster said:


> Over the past couple of years* she has told me to man up,* she is no longer attracted to me. Although she now says she finds me attractive. I find that hard to believe ago as a month ago she did not.



Who actually says that out loud to someone that they love "You're not attractive and I wish you would man-up". ??





lancaster said:


> I think this makes sense.* She definitely likes alphas. I am definitely not.*



But she *married* you. There must be many qualities about you that she loves and admires.





lancaster said:


> *My wife and I have had problems at home. We always have.* I thought things were getting better though. Now I am not so sure.



What are those problems. This is really important.




lancaster said:


> I ought to have known something was up when she could never give me a concrete number as to how many sexual partners she had before me. She also assumed that I had been with far more women than I had. I wonder now if she was just hoping I had been with a lot of women to make her number seem small.



Oh dear.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

lancaster said:


> EDIT: I should also say this going to bars has only happened since summer. *She never was into bars while we were dating. She said she had left the party scene far behind her.* Obviously that is not the case. I ought to have known something was up when *she could never give me a concrete number as to how many sexual partners she had before me*. She also assumed that I had been with far more women than I had. I wonder now if she was just hoping I had been with a lot of women to make her number seem small.



Wow, I past right past this post. When a spouse changes there is usually something that triggers it. It could be some newly single friend selling the party girl lifestyle. Need that partner in crime. Add in an older boring husband and her friend's tales can seem REALLY enticing. Especially if she was into that scene in the past. She'll think back to all the hot guys that she talked herself into believing she was no longer into. 

It's almost aways end badly for men with little experience with women marrying a woman that was riding the carousel for many years. You have no idea how high their partner count can be. Only the very top 10% of men can match them in terms of notch count. She'll mention all the long term boyfriends but will not mention the hookups she made during those relationships nor the short term relations and ONS between relationships. 

Remember year long dry spells don't happen to women. That happens to men. The fact that she thought you had more experience is projection.


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## emmasmith (Aug 11, 2016)

Telling you to man up but then changing her tune that she's attracted to you could be just guilty conscious.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

lancaster said:


> EDIT: I should also say this going to bars has only happened since summer. She never was into bars while we were dating. QUOTE]
> 
> What happened in the summer?
> 
> ...


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

lancaster said:


> She would think I am being controlling. I would consider that controlling also.


So be "controlling". It's better, and more attractive, than being a whipped dog who won't stand up to his wife.

Grow a pair of nuts, and stop letting her tread over you. You don't need to be an "alpha", what you need, is to earn and demand respect. Voice your opinions, ask for what you need, and don't back down.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Who actually says that out loud to someone that they love "You're not attractive and I wish you would man-up". ??


A woman who has absolutely *NO* respect for her husband.

I wouldn't be able to respect a man I can push around and whose too damned afraid to find his voice, either. I'd see him as weak and needy and way too effeminate for my tastes.

OP, I hate to say it, but you're deep in denial. You keep saying "I don't think anything has happened yet" whenever anyone has mentioned that she's probably cheating on you. Truthfully, I think you're just too afraid to face that likely fact and actually deal with it.

Your passivity will get you NOWHERE but cheated on and disrespected.

I'm assuming your wife depends on you financially? I can't figure out why else she's stayed in this marriage when she's so clearly disengaged from you in every way.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

jsmart said:


> Remember year long dry spells don't happen to *beautiful *women. That happens to men. The fact that she thought you had more experience is projection.


FIFY :smile2:





She'sStillGotIt said:


> A woman who has absolutely *NO* respect for her husband.
> 
> I wouldn't be able to respect a man I can push around and whose too damned afraid to find his voice, either. I'd see him as weak and needy and way too effeminate for my tastes.
> 
> ...



I see your point of view, SSGI, but I would hope a woman who marries a gentler, easygoing man, would love those qualities about him, and not want him to change.

But, yeah, if she really prefers more dominant aggressive men; a woman should not get serious with a guy she feels she can push around.

Neither personality type is right or wrong. It's just so sad when there's a mismatch of personality types; and it isn't realized until after the marriage.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Call me old fashioned, but a mother has no business being out at bars past midnight, or 3:00 am once or twice a month. Especially without her husband. 

I agree with everything else that's been said.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

Really, you should just divorce her. You weren't in love with her when you married her, were about to break up with her but married her anyway due to her pregnancy. She wants more kids, you do not. Another incompatibility. 

You told us in 2013 and told her in 2014 that you don't love her. So why are we surprised she is now out looking for her long term partner? She knows you aren't it. Both of you do.


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## josephddiazz (Sep 20, 2016)

lancaster said:


> I am about 10 years older than her. She is in her early 30s me in early 40s. We don't do much for fun at all these days. A quiet date night about twice a month and we are always home by 10. oftern earlier.


I agree, take a good long hard look at your relationship..


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