# my wife doesn't love me anymore, my story



## isThere SomethingWrongWMe (Sep 10, 2012)

Hello to all, and congrats on what appears to be a great source for people like me, and I'm hoping by spilling my guts, I can start the process to live again.

I'm 31, and married with two children, my girls (one biological- 15months) and one step daughter I've raised since about the same age of my biological daughter, whom I treat and love as my own.

My wife (hmm we'll call her "Eva") and I have known each other for 11 years, been together about 5 officially and married for 1 year 9mos. Just a brief back history (I need help which u will read about, so forgive and correct me if I'm too bold) but it may be a clue.. I was her first lover at 17 years old (sexual) when I was 21, Eva is now 27. Back then I was into the party life, and this girl had obsessed and loved me back then. I was to blind in those days and we had merely a hook up type of relationship which hurt her. I was young and completely wrong, and owe up to, and regret it, so please don't flame me. Fast forward to our real relationship, we both had been in longer relationships after, mine was very normal, hers was doing drugs, and ended up with our beautiful daughter, that father was a deadbeat and continued drugs and left her destitute with a baby, and that's whenneva came to call on me,mas we still remanded friends the whole time. I have been in two 4plus year serious relationships, and each have ended with me haing my heart broken by each girl, each time devastating me. I am a romantic, I believe in love so much and never had closure from any of these previous relationships... The last of which ended an engagement, only to find her with my best friend, guess what. They are now engaged.

Fast forward again to Eva, we had both had crippling blows in life and relationships, grown a lot, and started dating. Seeing her little girl and being a pseudo family changed my life, I wanted to be her daddy, love and protect her the best I could. So many positives came, along with my net daughter, planned btw, and our marriage, my best friend. We agreed we were mature and promised that we learned Life, and live happily ever after. Great things happened then otherwise, she has a good job as a server at a casino, making great money, and I was doing well, really well, and started my own business. My wife's work is demanding, she works at night till 3am so we really didn't get a lotmofntimeneith me working during the days, but found it healthy as we loved our precious time together. 

She started losing the baby weight, brilliant waxes, blonde hair dye, and started to look even more amazing. As this stuff started going on, I noticed that the normal I love u texts and the attention I received went away, like night and day. And stated to become paranoid, but at the same time I was being nagged to quit my day job to work solely on my business. Literally nagged as she couldn't take the lack of sleep for her job, which in Eva's fairness she was really exhausted due to being up with the kids after two hours sleep till ifame home,she'd sleep for another hour or so then back to work. So I humored her,she was my heroine, imhadnsupportto start a business, and it would help her so great!

But all the while the coldness was growing with her towards me, I couldn't shake something wasn't right. That's when i personally investigated infidelity. Her iPhone all of a sudden had a password lock and the ringer off (reading here I know the red flags). Eventually she blamed me, I'm crazy, and it sickens her, and it's locked because I am mess with her space. I love this girl so much folks, so much, that I oblige and stop it after she out of nowhere (3days after finally quitting my real jobs) and once to take "space". 

I've been dumped, but not like this, we just had a beautiful baby girl a little over a year ago, I am a father to a child I didnt conceive and loved Eva with all my soul. She would go to work with her rings off, and I just figured she was going through stress beingnthenfinancial backbone during my startup,timeof my company. I was going to never give up on the mother off my children, we are a family that clicked. A month goes by, I gave her a new ring and we seemed to be Doing so much better. (I want to add we have a beautiful new home). Then one day I catch her iphone unlocked from a session she was on as she fed the baby, that's when my gut dropped.

She had been having work issues and money wasn't the same, she had comes home the previous night, crying to me on my shoulder in my office as I consoled her with love. Well the text I see was to a man five years older than me, and all I could read without becoming frantic, so sad and just couldn't read anymore of - she was saying, "I'm so lucky to have u in my life". Him- me too baby, her- I was you could hold me right owns and tell me everything is going to be alright". 
I was so sick and I couldn't talk and confronted her, she pulls some crazy stuff saying, oh liken u don't think I know u have a gf? So far from the truth, obviously her way to justify her behavior. We go out for dinner that night to discuss. Mi advise, now is the time, be honest, do u have plans with him (also a married man ..don't know if I mentioned above us my wife works a night with this man). She said nothing sexual or anything has happened, though she was curious and admits this emotional affair, but just more as a friend going through the Same affliction with his wife ). She doesn't want me to mention it, as he will lose his kid with his wife now. I compromise and tell her I love her, the cats out, I want this to stop, and I will give her the chance for me to overlook, ON HER CALL). She wanted to choose our marriage and makemitmwork. 

Things get good again until 3 days ago,mother coldness happens again, no texts on her break, no affection. Comes to bed in middle of night after work and even my cuddle hug to sleep/rejected.

Mind you this whole time after the first incident, I would rub her back/ feet 45 mins a day, let her sleep 10-12 hours a day, and take care of the kids myself. She spent her awake time playing games outside on phone, smoking, and really just no interaction with our kids. I cook, clean, bathe change diapers, full time, and run myself into the ground at night to work on my business. But there was a definite exposé of her not respecting me, I'd never get a back rub, even for a min, would initiate my kisses good bye, and any love in general, she just stayed distant, but displayed even just enough to keep me think we are moving forward. Now financesare rough, my company is app developmentnandnweb/graphic design so money comes in here and there but,hey I just started 3 ,on the ago, but we weren't able to do the fun things and splurge like we used to until, I start making good money. So I get the financial stress and I always remind her thatnthisnis work and one day it will pay off, after all she MADE me quit, I can emphasize this enough. 

Today, her first day off of the week, I ask her what's wrong, as she just isn't even talking. It comes out she still is to happy, and tells me I need to get a job and start planning to seperate. My heart is broken, but now I'm not going to sob and show her my pain again, this time is going to killis if you guys can help me.

I've been a doormat and I'm not lying, the rubs everyday, just doing everything family wise like a classic 60s house wife. She lived in luxury, I wild do DO anythingnshenasked. I believe the only thing I ca do islet her go, but folks I can't, I come from a divorced family, and it hurts. I want my wife and kids and want nothing more. The sheerthought of herndaingna screwing aroundnHURzts me so bad. This is my love, I've never hadnthisnfeelng this string ever, I can't cope. We do not haventheresources to split, I have a brand new car, his is fournyearsnold and just blew up, rightmpastnthenwarranty. We don't own two of everything to split and cant do ity yyetr. She needs my car to go to work, And I need her mney support, we are really codependent, and just can't split away even if we wanted to, no relatives that we can even crash with right now as we havenyoungmkids and ugh impossible. So we have to room together in the house and still sleep I. OurnVERy expensive king bed.

My questions though is, whyndomimjustntwomdays at get a love song of ourmsentnoverbtext from the radio from her and then three days later this, do I wait this out, is shencheatingnand has been? How doi coexist with this till I can support myself again. I'll get more detailed as I'm hiding with an iPad right ow, hence the awful grammar and scattered thoughts. But I WANT MY WIFE, I love her, I would die for her. For my kids, I want us all together,money are too young. Please talk to me and help me through this, I'm so helpless, scared and hurt andim crying again now, as she's just so cold to my feelings.


----------



## KathyBatesel (Apr 26, 2012)

Talk to an attorney and start planning for divorce, even though it's not what you want. You've seen that being the nice guy isn't working with her, so take a new approach. Either you'll split or she'll realize that the nice guy is the best thing she can have going in her life. 

After you talk to an attorney (the consultation is usually free), start demonstrating that you're NOT going to be used and mistreated.

1. Take 1/2 of any joint bank account funds and open a separate account at a new bank in your own name.
2. Change the locks while she's at work. 
3. Let her go. 
4. Without your car... let her boyfriend come pick her up, hold her, and tell her just how "okay" she's going to be.
5. Notify the other guy's wife. Offer her copies of your cell phone records showing the contacts between him and your wife.

What will happen is that she'll discover just how NOT okay things are and the reality check is likely to make her reconsider what she's doing to your family. However, I recommend not allowing her back into your life until you guys get some marital counseling, too.

It will be very, very hard to do this because of how you feel, but it will give you a chance to regain her respect and will give her a chance to realign her values and learn to put her family before herself.


----------



## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I understand that you love her very much.
But she does not love you.
She IS cheating on you and will not stop until to man up.
Before you can get her back , or any woman into your life, you need to get your [email protected] back.
Stop crying in front of her. Stop begging . Stop rubbing her back and feet. 
She is manipulating you. Most likely she has had sex with this man. She has not shown much remorse after she admitted an emotional affair, and she is still in contact wih him.
She thinks you will believe and do anything she says .
Think for yourself , do you really deserve this treatment after all that you have done for her?
Secure your finances and contact a lawyer.
BTW, casinos are a breeding ground for such affairs.


----------



## isThere SomethingWrongWMe (Sep 10, 2012)

thank you so much for the replies, and i really do apologize for how bad it was to read, as i was using an iPad and was constantly hiding the fact i was on this forum, id like to keep all you nice peoples attention as i have some more to discuss in a bit when she isnt around - so please your words are sincerely helping me


----------



## isThere SomethingWrongWMe (Sep 10, 2012)

*update Today when i awoke, (we slept in seperate sides of the bed) (and quick oresiquite, i have nightmares....ALL the time) i sincerely thought, ugghhh what a horrid nightmare, untill i realized this was all still going on. I want to give my financial background out to get advise. I design and develop iPhone apps, Android Apps, and do Website Design and Development in between development time. My apps currently for sale have done ho hum, but nothing to take care of the bills, web design work pays good WHEN i get. I havent been able to grow much due to my catering her sleep and loving my children, as working at home with children is extremely difficult. So long story short, ive been living off her for about 2 months. Im currently on FMLA and disability from my job (she thinks her nagging me to quit that i really did...nope) but i WAS in the process of quitting now as of last week, and im not sure ill get to keep my job. I may be able to stay with my brother for a week or two on his couch, but i have an office at home, Dual 27" iMacs, my 2 PC's and my graphics tablets...i need these to work on my business so theyd need to come with me. Do i stay here as she will keep me afloat while i work on things? Its really lucrative for me to stay home to work as she is gone all night so... but at the same time i want her to see what getting up at 7am, kids screaming for attention, and then getting no sleep for work does to her again. Guys i really love her, she USED to be so sweet, she changed me in so many GOOD ways, she was such a great mother (she spends 1 hr with them a day and its basically letting them roam the house while she smokes outside and plays games on her phone.) My old "Eva" was so precious to me, but the brazzilian wax (i orefer the opposite", the died blonde hair, the weightloss, the text to the coworker, i mean she is cheating on me. I need no other .......talk soon she is here now sorry


----------



## ArmyofJuan (Dec 29, 2010)

isThere SomethingWrongWMe said:


> thank you so much for the replies, and i really do apologize for how bad it was to read, as i was using an iPad and was constantly hiding the fact i was on this forum, id like to keep all you nice peoples attention as i have some more to discuss in a bit when she isnt around - so please your words are sincerely helping me


Check out the CWI section as well.

Like it or not, you have to play hardball when dealing with an affair. The nice guy act enables affairs as it makes you the backup plan and gives them motivation to take risks with the affair partner. Regardless of what she says, she knows if she fails you'll be there...until she finds someone else.

Get angry, this isn't your fault so don't take any blame for this. She is disrespecting you so act accordingly. The people that get angry and head straight for a D have a higher chance of reconciling than the ones that remain passive and wait for the WS to do something.


----------



## Santa (May 31, 2012)

Hello Nice Guy....

if you have any shot in hell you better read those Ten Commandments of Synthetics and tattoo on your forehead. 

Jesus.... its like almost the exact same story day after day. 

Women say they want loving, sweet, affection betas and when you finally really fall in love and break down and really go all in, they lose respect, lose the passion, lose the love and start banging alpha douche. 

All I can say is, take the Red Pill quick.... 


Sorry man.. I feel ya


----------



## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You wont get her to stop cheating and end her affair by being nice or accommodating, you've already been that and she is still cheating.

You need to play hard ball.

#1. You must expose the OM to his wife. Find out who he is and then find his wife and expose the affair. Do not waste time on him.

#2 put a voice activated recorder in your car. I even suggest a gps tracker since she's meeting up with him ovbviosly. Youll find that the times you watch the kids, she is hooking up with him. 

She is so tired because she's working and going out on hook ups and dates with the OM. By the time she gets home she just wants to crash and sleep.

Find out how she met the OM and where they hookup.

From her actions this is far more than friends. Her words in the text alone show this is a physical affair.

The previous stuff were she was worried is that the OMW may have been close to catching them, but they fooled her.

I suspect when you find and talk to the OMW you will be confirming what she suspects.


----------



## isThere SomethingWrongWMe (Sep 10, 2012)

Thanks again to all of you for your help and support. Can I be absolutely honest? I'm scared, terrified, resistant, and just crushed so flipping hard, like I'm stuck between hallucination and reality. I just can't seem to cope right...

Continuing with today, it was ugly. We went together to pick up my four year old for school, and she was a different person entirely, royally peeved. We didn't talk the whole way, but I could tell she was almost disgusted I was there w her. We then go her moms (I have an excellent repoir with her, and we decided to have a mediater. She's with me I believe, and can't get around why "Eva" won't go at Least counseling with me, as she's concerned for the kids, after all, im the daddy my first daughter never had, and what's in the future? Daddy 3? And a kid with daddy 3? We fought on the way home, she even treated to smash my iMacs and graphics tabs, and other nasty stuff like - yeah my mo. Will watch the kids if I want to go out, as my family is not "a group of co$ksuckers" like yours. She knows my estranged family is a big reason I depend on hers, and that hurt, as I absolutely adore her family, while lately she's been pushing them away.

She did make dinner tonight, a really good one, sent me to liquor store, and had me get a huge bottle of champagne..we haven't really talked much more since then, more cordial, but she is def walking around her like a proud rooster. 

So is she cheating, well locked iPhone, ringer off, previous caught text, texting someone still, but why hasn't she just said it? I mean she had every opportunity! And get this when she started dinner, she made a point, in a slightly nice way to tell me,myou know you have to stop thinking g I have ten dates setup, and that she hasn't talked to the a$$hole home wrecker she works with... Real sincere and out of nowhere... Do I believe this? I need to leave her. I want to this time, now it's me, but I don't...ughhhh y is this so there much hurt and anxiety in my sol, why can't everything be so sweet and make me so proud again. Ca. I even date omg I just do t even want too


----------



## isThere SomethingWrongWMe (Sep 10, 2012)

Ahh, and now the Facebook password is changed, we always knew each others, even after the bs in this had started, and just tonight hers as changed, right after becoming friends with 8 random men. Yeah I'm a fool. I'm ashamed of myself, and my self esteem has never been lower. This is just not fair. Why do I wish I was the one doing this to someone for once, why have morals and values if no one else wants to, how do I stop driving myself insane imaging her enthrall we in bed with another man, and her sending him the forget me not love texts that I always was so happy to receive. I am hurting bad tonight. When does this get better? The fall is coming, shorter days and nights, cold air, the holidays which is the pinnacle time of our fun watching our kids eyes glow. I feel I'm being cast aside and some pos will have the right I created and make my girls smile. For Christs sake my little is still a baby, how can she just feel nothing inside, why! (I'm sorry but I have no one but this board right now which no offense- isn't a good thing) I need friends who all are either mutual or her side of the family since I barely have any. I'm so sad. So so so sad
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

I don't know why you haven't left her yet. She left you already. But OK. One more chance.

Catch her by surprise and tell her you need to use her phone. Simple. WHEN she refuses, ask her to log onto her Facebook account for you. WHEN she reuses, you immediately go into your 180. 

She's gone. She's not coming back. Either prepare yourself for it now of torture yourself for a while first, THEN deal with it.

Does this happen as much as I fear or is it just the concentration of this on this site that has jaded me?

What % of wives walk away from their marriages? Why don;t we talk about this in polite company? Infidelity? We ALL know about that. But we are still SHOCKED that out wives leave emotionally but stay in the marriage.

Yes, she's cheating with that guy. PHYSICALLY cheating. Read up on trickle truth. If she admitted to the emotional affair THAT QUICKLY, there is more. Guarantee.

You're 31? I envy you. I was 50 when I realized my wife had left DECADES prior. You can start over. I can't. You are a god to me.


----------



## isThere SomethingWrongWMe (Sep 10, 2012)

@MrK - Thanks for your reply, its motivating. I think my problem is im not financially secure, and especially emotionally secure. I literally started my own business months ago, and do not make enough money to support myself and kids right now. This means she will surely get my precious little girls. To preface again, i was a asst. plant manager for a Fortune 500 flour company, made a respectable income, but had dreams and aspirations of starting my mobile app and web development company. My wifes ****tail server job allowed her to accrue $300 plus a night in tips, walking around in a little black uniform dress while being oogled by drunk people in the casino. This money doesnt have to be taxed as they also get a minimum wage, and pay a tip compliance to the feds with that. So all that cash is bank to her. However the odd hours make it hard for her to sleep, hence her beating me up that she can handle the daily finances while i get my company together so quit quit quit. She continuously advised me to do this, until it became a requirement by her standards. With my paranoia starting to evolve over how i seen her changing physically and mentally, i took FMLA and Short Term Dis. for mental health (which i needed depressant treatment because i was losing it) ...be what she doesn't know is i actually still have my old job. So i'm getting back to that job, taking MY car and hopefully crashing on my brothers couch, then when i build some money back up, i believe i'm going to expose her shadiness to her employer, and shut down her ****y little job at that place. She's very close to losing it there as it is, and being vindictive i think its only fair after the tragedy and foolishness she caused in my life that i return the same favor. She is just getting colder by the minute, and hurting me more and more and more and more. im scared for my children. You know i was outside having a cigarette on my iPad and she had our 4 year old come outside and say "mommy, daddy said your useless and she wants it just to be me "other daughters name" and mommy and that we dont need you. And on the car rise back from nursery school today my 4 year old out of nowhere says "mommy, why wont you let daddy live with us anymore?" My wife wont even trade a conversation with me other than acting like im a sappy a-hole and everything i say annoys her. This same woman five days ago was making love to me, sharing jokes and being sweet. She tells me "oh go ahead think its another guy go ahead, your so f*cking stupid, you think you have it all figured out" she really tries to imply that she wants to be alone, and doesnt have anything going on. I personally cant see a woman leaving a man that does EVERYTHING he can to kiss her a$$, takes the MAJORITY care of the children ust to be alone? I deserve better i know i do, i just dont want to be this statistc, we SWORE we would always work it out, even before we got married. I just dont get why i cant accept this fully, i go one minute to hating her guts, to wishing and praying to god its all a dream. this kind of pain is unreal, rejection is worse than any drug i swear it. Why do nice guys finish last?? Do these girls really want me to be on drugs mooching off them, cheating on them, and beating them up? Do i need to change my ways and be more assertive that way? What is wrong with :scratchhead:me!!!??:scratchhead:


----------



## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

She is cheating right in front of you & it is making you crazier by the minute. Please, please for the sake of your young children, get yourself some face time in counseling to get control of your emotions.


----------



## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

you don't need counseling. You need to leave.


----------



## endlessgrief (Feb 19, 2012)

It's easy for us to tell this man what to do. To tell him to "man up" and "take the red pill" (whatever the hell that means). Reading stuff like this makes most of us furious and we wish we could have a few chosen words with this guy's wife. Maybe we are going through something similar and want to lash out. Telling someone to "just leave" doesn't make sense anymore. With the way jobs are and family financial situations, where are you gonna go? 

Forget about the love, history, promises, vows, and emotions for a moment. Most people cannot leave due to finances and no where to go. It is getting to THAT point that is important. 

It's time for you to think of yourself my friend. Start getting an escape route together. Get some funds and put them somewhere. Try with all of your might to separate yourself EMOTIONALLY from this woman. The way she is behaving and the way she is treating you is awful. It almost sounds like she gets some sick satisfaction out of hurting you. You gotta pull away from her NOW for your own sanity. Chances are, that if you pull away and she notices, she will start trying to be all lovey with you again only to reject you again and again. 

At the bottom of my signature line is a link to the 180. It is just some steps to take to emotionally detach from your spouse for your own sanity only. NOT to manipulate her, it has nothing to do with her. This is about YOU. 

I know you are in pain, but you are not alone. Please try to protect yourself emotionally and financially. Baby steps, no pressure. No judgment.


----------



## isThere SomethingWrongWMe (Sep 10, 2012)

endlessgrief said:


> It's easy for us to tell this man what to do. To tell him to "man up" and "take the red pill" (whatever the hell that means). Reading stuff like this makes most of us furious and we wish we could have a few chosen words with this guy's wife. Maybe we are going through something similar and want to lash out. Telling someone to "just leave" doesn't make sense anymore. With the way jobs are and family financial situations, where are you gonna go?
> 
> Forget about the love, history, promises, vows, and emotions for a moment. Most people cannot leave due to finances and no where to go. It is getting to THAT point that is important.
> 
> ...



@endlessgrief, I'm in a CVS Pharmacy right now and checked here on my iPhone, and your reply brought tears to my eyes. All of you have no idea how much better it feels to have you on my side. Last night was her first night back to work, and there is a daily process that always would happen. She'd kiss the babies goodbye and I'd walk her out to the car and send her off with my love and luck, but last night, I see my wedding rings are missing from her fingers, and she leaves as if I was a ghost in the room. I know I need to man up, but it's so incredibly hard for me, as my nature has always been so passive and optimistic, and I always respect women do much that I can't go d myself able to hurt them right back. I will tell more when I get home to my Mac, and again thank you so much to you all, I'm at day 3 and about ready to accept and start my 180
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## isThere SomethingWrongWMe (Sep 10, 2012)

So here I am, reporting back to my situation. Over the past couple days Ive been more confident. I obtained my old job back it looks like, she agrees to move out and still pay her half of the home as she doesnt want a legal separation/divorce right now, and that was settled with our agent. So i get to stay home. But do i want to live in this haunted house, where memories of love and family flourish the walls, and other reminders? I have no choice and going from being dependent to independent i guess its a pretty damn good option.

Its been pretty civil between us, and almost like old times, a bit flirty...it seems as i perform my 180, and actively show that, its like it turns her on or something, like she enjoys and wants to test my strength, of course im only a man and grin at it (though ive rejected and do not persue these advances as i cant emotionally handle what it would be) is this her trying to ensure she has her claws in my soul as deep as possible before seperation begins?

then today she had a melt down, i was getting some papaerwork signed to get nack to work and she called me crying to get back home. she hasnt appreciated the way my mother has got my back, and feels really hurt that people think she is a monster and that we all have this wrong. She bent over bawling that its not another man, that she needs to love herself, hence no divorce, she wants to get jelaous of me, she wants to learn why she loved me to begin with yada yada. though i am jaded and just s washed out and being so in love with her, i almost want to believe her, as it really seems genuine. but then again, i really dont trust her right now, i mean that text crap and then this. its my wife, the woman i chose to marry and protect, and bring children to the world with, do i trust her though she broke that bond? do woman go through this kind of thing to just find out who themselves are and that maybe it isnt about someone? im not falling for it, but only aching more. i held her today while she cried, and i remember the night i did that and the next morning finding the text to the OM about the same issue saying "i wish you could hold me and everything would be all right" ill never forget that, my wife speaking that way to someone else, id rather her got drunk and screwed him. to be bod, my apologies. is it wrong to hate that bastard and wish really awful things? do i contact the OM-W, though i dont have the evidence this time around? i guess i should as no matter ehat it happened before. ive also been getting physically sick, like a cold, does this kind of stress bring this on? ughh 

last night my bro/sis inlaw (her brother) came by and made me dinner and drank beers, it was such a good time, and they really support me so well through this, her family thinks something is wrong with her and shes making such a terrible mistake. 

if she is genuine then i feel bad, i dont want her being labled this ***** i think she is right now if she is genuine, but whats th consensus, can that really happen? and y would u pay ur half of the bills....weird stuff... 

im trying folks, and very worn down, but i guess the 180 is slowly starting, but im exhausted,. im also worried sex may be coming soon from her, as she seems to really enjoy me putting my foot down, do i give it one last hate-pound (apologize for the graphic) or turn her down? 

thats it for now, again, much thanks and love for your support


----------



## nev6502 (Oct 2, 2012)

Hello my friend,

I came to this post from Google and I felt compelled to share my opinion. I'm 24 years old, and I'm also a computer engineer doing apps and web work. I'm also generally a very good man that like you, believes in love more than most. I had a past of being walked all over, and eventually (last year), I've gotten over that without losing that gentleman quality. Others may give this a thumbs up or down, but here is my two cents:

Only you will ever know if she's worth it. I would urge against allowing others to make this decision for you. If you're hesitant, then perhaps the best route to go would be to discuss ground rules for reconciliation. The first thing is that she must be able to say in her own words what actually happened. Even if you both know, it is absolutely critical that she is fully self aware of her actions. If she can't do this, then I would join the 'leave' bandwagon because the first step to any recovery is knowing there is a problem to begin with.

This is the best possible time to settle any differences, and so I would use it wisely. Now is the time to bring up who would take care of the kids if you were to continue. Now would be the time to assign and organize responsibility. Now would be the time to sit with her to make a plan on how this will be prevented in the future.

I'd also like to stress that you sound like a very emotional person -- and there is nothing wrong with that (I am too). It is DRASTICALLY important that you not fall into some of the emotional traps that are set during fights. What I basically mean is, if she starts raising her voice and things start moving a little fast, continue at a calm pace. This is tough, and it may seem like its doing the opposite of helping, but in reality it gives the other person more perspective as it relates to themselves. When someone is the only one in panick mode and acting irrational, it is much easier for them to accept and see it if the other person is in a more productive, calm state.

*But then there is your side.* And this will coincide with another user's last reply. If you were to get into it again, make yourself several promises:

- Save some money on the side. You don't need to hide it. If she asks, tell her clearly it is backup money so that you never have a situation wondering how you're going to make due again. I did this and it worked wonderfully (with a VERY similar story). If it ever comes up in a future argument, just calmly re-iterate that you simply can not be in that situation again. This does a few things - it prevents you from ever being alone in the desert again, it is there for an emergency, and heaven forbid if it weren't to work out again, it could be that difference between being able to show yourself as a good parent to the children, so maybe they wouldn't get taken away.

- Read as much as you can about relationships and relationship psychology. Actively learn about this kind of stuff even if you're not going through it daily. Read other cases like yours. After you read enough , eventually you'll come to a point where you know that no matter what happens, everything will be okay. You'll also have all the answers instantly accessible in the time of most need.

- Now for some maintenance and prevention... Start working out. You need to do something for you. I might be completely wrong about this, but I get the impression that you don't exercise. Once again - nothing wrong with this as that was my lifestyle for a long time (on top of smoking and marijuana which I quit). I will tell you however that if you start working out you are going to be more balanced every single day. You don't even have to go to the gym as there are plenty of no-equipment exercises that will keep you fit. If you can quit smoking, even better although it would probably be the least of your worries right now which is understandable. Exercising will make your body feel better when you have that feeling in your gut (and once you do it enough, it will even prevent it), and it will allow your mind to keep cool during sensitive or problematic times. If you're a slow starter like I was (took my years of consideration before actually putting it into action), then JUST DO IT. Do it for you - be your own best friend. Remember that a healthy body will mean a healthy mind for you, and vice versa. I'm making you a promise right now that if you do this, it will not only help you, but every other situation in your life (including programming).

- Keep remembering to be there for you man! If the day comes, you'll be able to recover a lot better if you are your own best friend (how it should be).

That's the best I can give you for now - I hope you consider this.

- The other you on the other side of the border


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

Im reporting back... *I AM isThereSomethingWrongWithMe*

I forgot my password, and no longer have access to my old email i used on here to retrieve the password (i used my jobs email as i didn't want wife to see this) So now I am ObliviousLover. Hi. Again.

A lot has happened since I came to TAM for guidance. For one, we reconciled before any separation happened. I love her, I know this deep inside of me, my children, the whole ideal, in it 100% I can forgive, and through time, even forgotten...until now. 

Rewind. 10/1 my brother comes to stay with us (younger) He had substance abuse issues, was in jail, and needed a fresh start. I advised against him coming, as hes lived with me before, and with our two kids, we just didnt have the time to focus on all of his needs, but my wife advised we should, and after coming up with some ground rules, we did.

He was doing good, met a girl on ******* locally, started seeing her, and well lets just say she was crazy..threatening to kill herself, and all kinds of other drama which isnt my problem, and needed a policeman here to tell her to stay from my brother. My wife stood up for him, and helped hm get away from this girl, long story short as his troubles arent mine, he secretly sees her again, she is now knocked up. This blackened my wifes eyes as she really supported this kid and he just lied and caused himself a huge headache. He wasnt a big help, and naturally my wife became irrate even looking at him. So there is some stress there. Then our finances this year (2013) became really unbearable. We are paying 2k a month to lease a home (600 more than last due to increase) - the winters propane usage, Christmas bills, we have been overextending ourselves. Extremely. If you read before, I am a stay at home dad (my job never ended up working out) that runs a web / software development startup company. I get money here and there, but its a HUGE learning curve starting a business, and with bills like we have, my wife cant keep up the gaps that i dont get any money. We celebrated our second year anniversary in January, and though the pressure of finances, my brother and all were there, we seemed pretty strong, and would pull through. A couple keynotes that i "obliviously" have been ignoring. She never did wear her rings to work again, not even just the wedding band (the engagement ring has a large stone (not diamond) that she loves and claims she didnt want to destroy it (waitressing)....ok i get the e. ring, but a wedding band is small and not pervasive. But whatever, maybe its uncomfortable while working, i can accept that. Shed wear the both when together with me, no worries...yet not when she went out with the girls from work. Bring us to her birthday. Girls were taking her out for "mystery" night. She chose not to wear any rings, and i noticed before she left, and murmured "oh your not wearing your rings" She gets salty like..we've talked about this i dont want to ruin them blah blah... not trying to ruin the night im like..ok ok, just saying. Her friend comes to pick her up and i THOUGHT she was gone, and let out some steam to my brother, moreless just saying, of all nights to wear a ring, a night of drinking wit single girls and what have you is freaking the one damn time i think she should! well she had come back in to get something, and heard me complaining and left with "oh if your done talking crap about me, im leaving now" The next morning i apologize, and it seems cool, then the facebook pics come. I see her and a friend a this idiot from her job with his arms around them, and my wife looking up at him with a smile, and he captions "trouble" on it. i come to find there was multiple male coworkers out on this "girls" night that they specifically "apologized" to me when telling me about the surorise but said i couldnt come because it was just the girls for dinner. Liars. I get a lecture from wife about trusting her and blah blah, im the bad guy again because i care and have some values, i wouldnt get caught dead without my ring on a night like that out of respect, let alone a picture of me with other girls labeling me as trouble. wouldnt dare do that. so the rings, the nights out with minimal details, and then the huge warning sign from long ago. Her phone still remains password locked, and the ringer off. Even after everything before. I recently have become wary with all these events, but definitely didnt show it, i had to trust her. i did not want to go through this again. Then about a week ago, we werent going to make rent, kind of sweat it a bit, but planned that we had to downsize a bit, and would plan it out. But that night, she leaves for work like normal, i go to work on a website, and a couple hours after shes gone, i get a text, from her. She didnt go to work, shes at her moms. Our marriage is over. Shes been trying and trying..yadda yadda. i immediately feel this pain i felt before, but at the same time, im tired of this. i get the pressure, the raising a family. im here all day trying to startup a company and be a good dad to a baby and a toddler, bad enough i have low self esteem because im not in a position to be the primary bread winner...yet. she is moving to her mothers with both girls beginning 4/1 - its not in the stars to worry about what i will do, but i need to do something im told. I'm going to my brothers, which i really, really do not want to do. Im not going to have my girls in the morning anymore, i wont be putting them to bed...its killing me...but at the same time after all she has put me through, i say to myself and through others very kind comments, i need to help myself. this girl has just destroyed my vision of the american dream too many times now. i cant function when i thnk about it.. it hurts so bad, but i need to do something or who knows what will happen to me. So the packing has started, house will be gone, this is really happening this time. She says i need to stop telling myself its over, that if i let her do this 6 months ago we probably would have been in a better place, together and over this hurdle. i get that to a degree, but god, im not prepared..why didnt i listen to other members and stash money, why why why. well i cant worry on that, ill think of something. i wonder if this emotional affair has never stopped like she promised and the guy left his wife or something, she claims i am wrong and thats whats going to make me upset thinking that way. i cant but help and wonder. after-all a couple months ago i picked her up at work and seen him outside and muttered some junk about him and she tells me i have no reason to hate this guy. yeah right. anyway, im open and would enjoy talking to you guys about it, it really helps me. what do you think, am i a fool? am i doing something wrong? *sigh* what am i going to do when shes at her moms with the kids and im away with my brother. we are not legally separating or divorcing, just moving apart for now. does that mean i stay focused on work, get another job and just live? i am at a loss..


----------



## Fledgling (Feb 3, 2013)

OP I am sorry that you are going through this. You are very emotional which makes it hard to discern sometimes what your motives might be. It almost sounds to me that you never got over your previous issues with your previous girlfriends. Now you are clinging to your wife, not because you love her (how could you still love her after everything that has happened) but because you are petrified of being alone and a single dad. *Those are not good enough reasons to stay in this marriage*. 

Have you adopted your wife's daughter? Would you be able to get custody of her as well as your own. This is beyond how a 180 would work. I don't think you are emotionally ready to apply it. The only way to begin to regain your sanity and equilibrium is to separate from your wife and limit your contact with her to the absolute necessities of the children. Out of sight, out of mind.


----------



## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Glad you came back to update us. Sorry your situation isn't better. You should try to get counseling for yourself. If your can't for monetary reasons then maybe you can read some books. Some books that come to mind are Co-Dependant No More, Not Just Friends and there is references to some books in the mens clubhouse. Just work on making yourself happy. You will survive this and may even come out a better person for it. I don't see your marriage surviving a separation. You deserve someone that will give your the love that you can give. Move on from your wife and become the best person you can be.


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

Am I the only one that does not believe anything written in the thread? Either I just turned into one of the world's biggest skeptics, or TAM is being bombarded by a bunch of BS threads. This reads like a Mexican soap opera...


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. 

You need to work on *you *for now so try to detach and not focus on what your wife is doing in her life. 

I know it's difficult not having the children around every day but you need to get through this and come out better on the other side for your children.


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> Am I the only one that does not believe anything written in the thread? Either I just turned into one of the world's biggest skeptics, or TAM is being bombarded by a bunch of BS threads. This reads like a Mexican soap opera...


Believe me, looking over it myself, i can see why youd be inclined to say that, because im living it. What it comes down to is I allow this to happen. suck it all up, and as *Fledgling* stated, im petrified. I have a ton of underlying issues that i must be hiding inside, and being alone is just scaring the hell out of me. Its how we do things that doesnt help. Like right now, we sleep in the same bed (king size), act kind of normal around the kids but are packing bit by bit to go our ways as of 4/1. 

I wish i could just go away now, but thats part of my problem, i dont have any saved money, a car payment, insurance etc so im codependent on her for so much right now, let alone being in the creative business. i find it hard to focus on making things pop when my mind is a scrambled mess. if i could afford a therapist, id love to have one, life coach, anyone, and yes, after reviewing my internet options, TAM seemed to be a very caring community, and you guys have been great. I ramble, but pounding the keys on my macbook lets me get it out at least. Im here all day, up with the kids till i put them to sleep, around while W sleeps and when shes up. Her schedule makes it impossible for me to go hang out with someone, yet tonight at daylight savings, she leaves work early she claims, so her and the girls are going to a friends and drinking at 3am (read: girls get drunk and hook up with guys, we used to mock this crap) 

@Hopefull363 - your right, i dont know if this marriage will survive either. i have a terrible codependency problem with her, and she knows it. Thats why i think she behaves the way she does and gives me no respect. there will be a time i will heal when we are apart, because i am just not going to feel this way anymore, and i hope to god it will be me to end it for good. The wounds she's left in my heart are horrific, as they are for anybody going through this, and we deserve better. I get my codependency can be an issue for someone too, im not going to discount that from her, but hey, she wanted to live like this, i didnt come to her like this, and this could have been properly fixed with communication etc.

And for all, this will add more to *Plan 9's* theory of a Mexican Soap Opera, but a big factor with me is especially my biological little one. I love kids, I really do. Some day i want another, but i swore to myself when we got together, that i wouldnt do that to my kids..make them all half sisters/step sisters. But is that such a bad thing? In the future if i fall in love and remarry, would it hurt my biological child that i did that? Crazy i know, but yet another thought, noone ever sees divorce while planning a family, noooo thats such a special time, that just blindly gets erased from those with ulterior motives.

thats my rant for now, thanks again so much to all


----------



## hookares (Dec 7, 2011)

The only time a cheating wife wants to hear the "I am so much in love with you" plea is when she's fallen on hard times and wants you to bail her out financially.


----------



## Hopefull363 (Feb 13, 2012)

Don't worry about having more children now. Think about what is best for you and your current child. Later on when you meet someone that is healthy for you, you can think of more children. Having a blended family with the right spouse will be a blessing. Just focus on the now and getting healthy.


----------



## Ryan_sa (May 8, 2012)

OP, From what Ive read so far, get an agreement on what happens to the kids, move into a cheaper place, and do the 180 HARD, do it for you, to improve your self confidence. 
Tell her to give you her phone, and tell you the passwords. if she wont give it to you, then assume the worst. If she bleats about trust issues, tell her exactly what shes done to loose your trust.

Put a key logger on the computers. 
When you find something, expose to the other guys wife and every one else.
Work as hard as you can to keep your head above water, get a second job if you have to.
Make her do her share of raising the kids, house work etc, 

Being short of money is one of the scariest thing, but dont let it hold you back, you have the skills to make more, and after a while you'll be back on your feet.
Another thing, She'll need you to look after the kids whilst shes at work, dont be scared of her, shes got you on the run, and she's loving it!
Lastly, if your serious about getting through this, move this thread to the coping with infidelity thread, and listen to the guys on there.


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

Ryan_sa said:


> OP, From what Ive read so far, get an agreement on what happens to the kids, move into a cheaper place, and do the 180 HARD, do it for you, to improve your self confidence.
> Tell her to give you her phone, and tell you the passwords. if she wont give it to you, then assume the worst. If she bleats about trust issues, tell her exactly what shes done to loose your trust.
> 
> Put a key logger on the computers.
> ...


Thanks a bunch, everything you just said is just how i feel. The strange part is, i almost feel terrible thinking that way, but at the same time i have to. I'm not a coward by any means, but in this respect I just cant get my manhood about me, and its 90% of why im even in this position. I am going through with it, as well the house is done. we have already been packing things, its just getting everything situated. 

i did catch an email on an ipad we have lying around. between her and a super long time ago ex, that checks in around her birthday, lives 1ks of miles away now. she advised we were splitting, that we both have a lot of growing to do, and it can only be done on our own, and she hopes that it ends well. I then proceed to see the shark try to set in, talking about his success, and ends his last reply with, do you still look the same? lit me on fire. i wonder if she was up to no good if she would of emailed this friend telling him whats "really" going on, or maybe thats the truth? the phone thing - yeah i ask her and i get the whole "f*ck off" trust blah blah, see her text someone every night before she goes to bed. 

I really hope out of the thousands of views this threads had that my embaressing graphic detail helps another star crossed lover in trouble. those warning signs that you suck up for the love you have are not just decoys, there's something going on and you wont know. im not going to label all women, but she will not come out and tell anyone something is going on, my thoughts are that once we split, all of a sudden this dude will appear rather quickly and we shall know then.

Another note, the teasing has started like back during the beginning of this mess, showing me her chest randomly, getting close and breathing, - teasing me. wtf is that? just a dominant stance i guess, ensuring her victory over me. i just hope when this is all over i laugh. i want to feel loved again in the worst way. i want to feel wanted. appreciated. i want to feel like a freaking man again. and with that, when i figure out -how- im transferring this thread as suggested to the coping area. thanks to all, you guys are great, and thank you for not belittling me for spilling soul to keyboard, but just this little spot gives me so much hope. you guys are fantastic.


----------



## Wiserforit (Dec 27, 2012)

obliviousLover said:


> what do you think, am i a fool? am i doing something wrong? *sigh* what am i going to do when shes at her moms with the kids and im away with my brother. we are not legally separating or divorcing, just moving apart for now. does that mean i stay focused on work, get another job and just live? i am at a loss..


You are not taking control of your life. 

Your brother moved in against your better judgement. Your wife was going to work without her rings, going out partying, and now she's moving out but you are asking us what you should do about your life.

Things will just keep happening to you until you take charge. The 180 was recommended before but it looks like you barely started on it and then put her back in the driver's seat.

Obviously you need to scale down financially and prepare for divorce. You don't need a big place to work on a computer. She's not behaving like a wife. But what you are in need of is conviction and purpose, and the only place that can come from is inside of you.


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

Wiserforit said:


> You are not taking control of your life.
> 
> Your brother moved in against your better judgement. Your wife was going to work without her rings, going out partying, and now she's moving out but you are asking us what you should do about your life.
> 
> ...


All true, very true. I can sit here and cry and whine all i want and everyone hits it, and i know it..i know exactly what has to be done. i need to get myself on point, but god, its so so so hard. she was able to go from i love you baby, to cold as ice faster in a split second, why..why cant i? thats why my first screen name was isThereSomethingWrongWithMe, i wonder if there is. im just sitting here waiting for HER to make the moves. But today i did pack things without her, and it felt powerful, tomorrow, i will do the same. i even wrote out a list, of what needs to be done. tonight when she goes out to have her fun, i will not toss and turn, ill smile, and know that the one thing i have is that i know in my soul i tried, i did everything i could, and im sure my daughters will know that too someday. 

*ANYONE IN A MODERATOR OR ADMIN POSITION*
i am the OP of this thread, and as stated i created it a while ago with an email i no longer use, id like to move this thread to the CWI area, as its time to get the support i need to keep going. So if you someone can move it, that would be great, or can i get access to my original screen name? thanks to all in advance and for everything.


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

this morning is great, wake up with kids. one of which is crying, because mommy didnt come home last night. no messages, nothing. just a spot on my fb news feed, top and center with her name on it of a pic of money stacked up and a magnum on the top with the caption offering. today should be a good test if i can start a 180, because i am hot, real hot right now. and im the one who won't have the kids full time because of money... what about emotions? i pulled this kind of crap, ...id be done for. every morning, just another stab in the chest.


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

obliviousLover said:


> this morning is great, wake up with kids. one of which is crying, because mommy didnt come home last night. no messages, nothing. just a spot on my fb news feed, top and center with her name on it of a pic of money stacked up and a magnum on the top with the caption offering. today should be a good test if i can start a 180, because i am hot, real hot right now. and im the one who won't have the kids full time because of money... what about emotions? i pulled this kind of crap, ...id be done for. every morning, just another stab in the chest.


She just walked in, looks a little rough, hugging the kids... "Oh I'm sorry mommy had to work late". Then she says rather softly "hi?" To me ... In question form, like I'm supposed to be like "oh good morning, it's cool, diapers changed, kids have breakfast, oh yeah great to see u too". Stupidly I showed I cared by "yeah - thanks for letting me know, instead I wake to your fb post". And she's like please dont..and I walk away and come outside for a smoke and here I am. From reading on a 180 I guess I must act like I don't care... Christ that's easy... But that's a lie. Can't take this sh*t.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

You can't change her. So work on you. Starting now. You have children who depend on you.

Detach.


----------



## gbonham77 (Feb 21, 2013)

something worse will happen at this s**t


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

You know what? Turnabout is fair play. I'd tell her that you are going out. Pack some clothes and go stay with a friend. Don't even tell you where you are going. Just tell her that I'm sick and tired of picking up the pieces with the kids while you go out and not even give your family a second thought. I'd also tell her that her nights out are done because now it's YOUR TURN to go out and have fun. The next time she tries to tell you that she has plans to go out. Stop her right there and say - "No you don't. It's MY TURN". 

Damn, do SOMETHING.


----------



## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Dude you know she did someone last night right?


----------



## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> Dude you know she did someone last night right?


This is why my first instinct about this thread that it's not real. But then again, it takes a lot of commitment to resurrect an old thread to give an update if it's fake. I guess the phrase "Truth can be stranger than fiction" should be applied to this thread.


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> This is why my first instinct about this thread that it's not real. But then again, it takes a lot of commitment to resurrect an old thread to give an update if it's fake. I guess the phrase "Truth can be stranger than fiction" should be applied to this thread.


I get the fake part, why you think that, and it makes me feel good, and here's why.. I feel as though this situation is surreal, like I'm dreaming, and other view this as piece of fiction, than I'm not crazy, this situation is entirely unbelievable. Perhaps it's the way I word things, I am in the creative business after all. But I want to make it perfectly clear to others that unfortunately, truth is stranger than fiction.

On another note, after she came home, she shortly thereafter went to sleep. I became sincerely dizzy, like really bad, and basically slept on and off yesterday. While sleeping the little ones thank god gave me an easy day, later that night she got up, went straight to work. Nothing else to say about yesterday. Today we have started packing one of our daughters rooms and have been civil, but it's the little things like I've spoke of before, she'll get close to my hear and whisper, like goofing around as that's how we would act normally. Trying my best on my 180 I simply advised, look you can't do that, and immediately she's pissed, and storms away. We are now with the kids in the car to go to the supermarket, I'll chime in again on how this day went later. I do want to say I'm holding fast to this 180, though hybrid, but I'm trying guys I really am. Oo also I talked about my suspicions briefly with her (regarding infidelity) and how she keeps her phone locked and on vibrate, she throws the fact that she doesn't give a crap re my phone, and she's glad I think she's some *****, yet I didn't prod her more to keep the peace, but if I was out in spot and was innocent, I'd push my entire phones contents right in her face. Plus I'm sure she deletes half the crap anyway after what happened in 9/2012, it also alarms her that I'm a programmer, believe me she won't even plug that thing into iTunes, paranoid maybe? Why? It drives me mad that she lies to my face. If your innocent, prove it, very easy, shut me up.. Ahh but she won't. I'm making a voice activated recorder for iPod touch and tossing one in the car tonight
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

hi everyone, just an update to how im doing and whats going on. everything is on target, she is leaving 4/1 and our house is done. im definitely having to go to my brothers, as this is what needs to be done. yet inside of me, strength has no chance. Everyday as this ominous date grows closer, i fall apart more and more. ive finally been able to cry, just enough to wet my eyes. ive looked everywhere for support, family (whats left of it), forums, blogs, everything i can obtain, and theres so much advice, so much warm heartedness, but why doesnt it affect me? why can't i get around that this needs to happen, that she is only hurting me more, and that nothing but pain and anguish are in our future until something changes. having to see her everyday probably doesnt make it any better. strange how beautiful she looks more and more everyday, yet every time i look in the mirror im wither away more and more. the sadistic torture with her continues, the pretend lust, the brought up memories. ive done my best to 180 this stuff away, i really have. maybe its the music i listen to, i dont know, but deep inside i feel this just so wrong, that we are making this huge mistake, and im afraid this is going to affect me forever. i gave myself to her, 100%, every ounce of my soul, and its carelessly tossed aside... will i ever be able to share that again? forgive my whimpering. this just helps. because i am just so so so broken inside...when is everything just going to be ok in my life.. theres just always something wrong,.. never a minutes peace. it just hurts.


----------



## reubsky (Mar 21, 2013)

forget her she is useless


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

Update...

Well the house is gone, she is living w her mother, and I with my brother. It's been about 5 days, yet I've seen her everyday due to the kids. 

I have so much to talk about with everyone. My feelings, my fears. 

I hope you'll all stay tuned till I have time tonight. 

I need you guys.


----------



## obliviousLover (Mar 8, 2013)

Well here I am, the separation has happened...its been about a week, and its surreal to say the least. I'm broke and at the mercy of my brother who is a real hot head. I still drive down to her parents where she is staying everyday to make sure our oldest daughter gets a ride to preschool, and... Well.. My wife sleeps for work. Same as before. Her car is almost fixed, and when that happens we will be disconnected except for the kids. I tear up as I type this (as usual with my emotional problems) but I don't even have the ability or necessities to have them with me because of money. She's been good about paying off the bills and helping me out with gas and such. You wouldn't even know there is a problem. 

I did finally confront her about her phone and who she's talking to. She then got irate and forced me to leave, and that's when fb got blocked. She is paranoid over something. Obviously the OM, and she doesn't want me to see or know.

Trying to get a job, but I'm so scarily frozen that I'm having trouble concentrating yet. She just hurts and hurts me, and I allow it, god damn I just want the slightest bit of self esteem and worth and I'd be feeling a lot better. 

I guess I need to move to the separation forum. Thanks everyone.


----------

