# How to fall out of love?



## kristinafoxcroft (Aug 29, 2016)

Just wondering if anyone had some advice on how to fall out of love?




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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Find someone new and better. Or just don't have sex, kiss, or touch them for 5 years. That did it for me.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

kristinafoxcroft said:


> Just wondering if anyone had some advice on how to fall out of love?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Read the book "How to fall out of love". It is a good one. Classic. 

But tell us more.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

GuyInColorado said:


> Find someone new and better. Or just don't have sex, kiss, or touch them for 5 years. That did it for me.


This is really true. Love is a chemical addiction that we feed through our interaction with someone. The addiction will fade by not feeding it and doing what GuyInColorado suggests. This also means no checking up on them online or through friends and so on. And for the times when the come to mind switch thoughts to things you didn't like about them.

Lastly finding someone else to date will create new neural pathways that will help remove the old ones.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

GuyInColorado said:


> Find someone new and better.
> 
> me.




That works unless you are trying to forget your AP.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> That works unless your are trying to forget your AP.


It works in this case as well. The new and better would be the spouse. The initiative would be to date your spouse agan the rebuild that which brought them together in the first place. The point is to reset the brain to trigger on someone else more.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

meson said:


> It works in this case as well. The new and better would be the spouse. The initiative would be to date your spouse agan the rebuild that which brought them together in the first place. The point is to reset the brain to trigger on someone else more.




Easier said than done. The subconscious mind is harder to rewire than the conscious mind.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

XWW figured out how to do it but it involved screwing another dude.

After that it was easy for me. All I had to do was think about her screwing that other dude.


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## meson (May 19, 2011)

blueinbr said:


> Easier said than done. The subconscious mind is harder to rewire than the conscious mind.


Yes, it is easier to say than to do. But knowing what to do and why can help give an edge of success to falling out of love. See the Fog v. Love link and read post 15 for the physiology and neural chemistry involved. You will see that subconscious/conscious doesn't really play a role. It's about the reward centers developing new connections.

This is why you go NC with an EA/PA. It helps stop the addiction. A couple of members on that thread stopped EAs by doing it so it's more than possible. I have fallen out of love myself using these techniques.


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## kristinafoxcroft (Aug 29, 2016)

Thank you for all the advice. I have been trying to find someone else. 

Unfortunately all the guys that I have met so far seem to be complete JA. They just want sex and are not willing to put the time in to get to know someone.



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## meson (May 19, 2011)

Another thing that helps is to take up a new (or old) activity that involves excitement and some novelty. This will help forge new neural connections while at the same time broadening your social circle. 

Try hiking, kayaking, zip lining or climbing.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

kristinafoxcroft said:


> Thank you for all the advice. I have been trying to find someone else.
> 
> Unfortunately all the guys that I have met so far seem to be complete JA. They just want sex and are not willing to put the time in to get to know someone.
> 
> ...


If that's all you've met, you're doing something wrong. Seriously. All guys aren't after that. Yeah, we like the sex, but "I" was looking for a serious long term relationship-- when I found one that was WORTH a LTR. You may have to go through quite a few tests. Edison didn't find the recipe for a working light bulb on the first try!
Good luck.

My recipe: 1) Remembering what a low character cheating b my ex was, remembering how she tried to con me into thinking it was all my fault she wanted a divorce and what a scumbag I was and then finding out she was sexting and sending nude pics and videos to men all over the place at the same time for months, and how she caused my kids' lives to be uprooted--all for her own selfish desires.

2) getting back to enjoying hobbies and my life without the ex getting in the way.

3) remembering that I actually have a couple of dollars left over every month instead of in further debt from her overspending.

4) meeting someone new, someone far more accomplished/responsible/beautiful/affectionate/deeper in character.

5) Falling in love with that new person. Now I'm FINALLY feeling 100% over the ex. You will, too. Just be patient, and wait for that guy that admires and respects you and that has his SH*T together. 

Don't think you'll love your ex forever. You don't have to if you work on clearing them out of your mind by focusing on better things.


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