# Need some advice on wife's encounter with a man on a walk



## NYCBILL (Nov 27, 2017)

Quick backstory on me and my wife relationship. 4+ years ago I discovered that my wife had a 3 month sexting-affair with a mutual acquaintance of ours in early 2017. It was a horrible time, it came close to breaking us, but fortunately she did all the things a remorseful spouse should do and has spent the subsequent time building back trust, love etc. And she's done nothing in that time to ever make me question her commitment to rebuilding our marriage etc. Our relationship overall has been 100x better than ever before. She did not have sex with the guy, she didn't have any physical contact, despite the normal saying of EA+Proximity=PA (lie detector test passed). All in all, I'm almost willing to say that the affair made us better b/c it made us realize every day is choice, every day requires work, and nothing should be taken for granted.

And in like most affairs, it starts as a series of choices that lead down the slippery slope to crossing boundaries which brings me to yesterday.

Wife goes on a walk with our large almost hundred pound puppy through the neighborhood. She runs into a man who is also walking his very large puppy and they strike up a conversation while the dogs play together. He's married, she told him the same and lives down the street, blah blah blah. At the end, he says, "this is nice and maybe we can get the dogs together again, can I get your number?" She gives it to him.......

She comes home and tells me what she did and initially I didn't think anything she did was wrong....but then the past behavior of where a series of choices leads to a slippery slope came into my head. Is it most likely harmless? of course. Does the man want to **** my wife? Probably (she's hot), but I don't think that was his goal.
Should my wife have said something different than giving her number? Would she have had a problem if I gave my number to another woman? Probably so.

Thoughts?


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

I walk my dogs in the same place every day. Sometimes there’s other dog owners both male and female and we may strike up a conversation. 
None of them have ever asked me for my number or offered me theirs. 
I think you may need to revisit the boundary rules talk in your relationship before this goes any further. 
Your wife is either naive in the extreme or she’s not..............


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## NYCBILL (Nov 27, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> I walk my dogs in the same place every day. Sometimes there’s other dog owners both male and female and we may strike up a conversation.
> None of them have ever asked me for my number or offered me theirs.
> I think you may need to revisit the boundary rules talk in your relationship before this goes any further.
> Your wife is either naive in the extreme or she’s not..............


I'm thinking the same now that I've had to digest it. I honestly think she's overly friendly and in her mind, nothing was going to come of it. But definitely a boundary issue 100%


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

I woudl never ask for another woman phone number when walking my dog if i was married...perhaps your wife is naive...but when he calls i would block it or better yet go on the walk with the dog with her and tell the gentleman yourself that what he did was not proper.


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## NYCBILL (Nov 27, 2017)

Lostinthought61 said:


> I woudl never ask for another woman phone number when walking my dog if i was married...perhaps your wife is naive...but when he calls i would block it or better yet go on the walk with the dog with her and tell the gentleman yourself that what he did was not proper.


Nor would I.....dude was like 30, she's almost 50. I said to her that young dude's totally want to F- older MILF's.......


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

LOL...this guy is smooth. He sounds just like my serial cheating ex-husband - he would ask anyone for their phone number. The fact that he asked for her number so quickly tells me he's quite practiced at it.


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## NYCBILL (Nov 27, 2017)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL...this guy is smooth. He sounds just like my serial cheating ex-husband - he would ask anyone for their phone number. The fact that he asked for her number so quickly tells me he's quite practiced at it.


This same smoothness is what got my wife into trouble with the guy 4 years ago. First, he was a friend of mine who used me to mine info he could then leverage on her which he did exceedingly well. She made the choice too obviously but he definitely worked the system and struck when she was most vulnerable.......we had been going through a rough patch and we didn't communicate well for a period of time. She owns the responsibility for the affair, just saying....


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Shesstillgotit—— stilL has it. Spot on advice


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Giving out her number to a guy for getting together to walk the dog? Come on. You need to get her to read “Not Just a friend “. For a woman that was involved in an EA and was given a 2nd chance, she should know better than this. Doesn’t matter the guys age. If she’s an attractive older woman who looks younger than she is, a guy will definitely be down to hit it. Same goes in the other direction. We have a thread of a BH whose WW had a sexual PA with a 70 year old dude that started when she was 38. So do not put your guard down because of age.


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## AGoodFlogging (Dec 19, 2020)

You already know that her ability to maintain decent boundaries is very poor so you know this is not okay.

Ask her to please get rid of his number and get better and enforcing some decent boundaries in future for the sake of your marriage.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Sorry, but I continue to hold to what I’ve always said — 

EA + proximity = PA

Polygraphs are good for one thing and one thing only — parking lot confessions.


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

Joining the chorus...I walked my dog alot over 11 years.at least 3 times a day. In approx 12,045 walks I exchanged number exactly one time with a woman. But neither of us were married.
The dude plays the odds, if he gets 25 numbers from attractive women, a couple will say sure me an Rover can meet up for a walk to starbucks... and of those he gets to SB one or two will take it further....
Of course he does, he made the first step and got her number. Maybe you should answer it when he calls. Good thing she told you, 2017 was not long ago in the Covid time warp...


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## Nailhead (Sep 21, 2020)

Your wife is quite free with her phone number. Perhaps she was being friendly. Either way. She should not give her number to strangers. Now watch, she will get call this weekend from this guy. He is at the park with Barky Von'Snowser would she like to visit with your pooch. This is how it starts. Completely innocent, right?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

NYCBILL said:


> This same smoothness is what got my wife into trouble with the guy 4 years ago. First, he was a friend of mine who used me to mine info he could then leverage on her which he did exceedingly well. She made the choice too obviously but he definitely worked the system and struck when she was most vulnerable.......we had been going through a rough patch and we didn't communicate well for a period of time. She owns the responsibility for the affair, just saying....


Nah, see this thinking is leaving you vulnerable. Your wife was not some victim of a smooth friend or yours or this guy with the Dog, she is a grown women. Let me tell you by the age of 16 all women, ALL are very aware of men putting the moves on them. They deal with it very day from appropriate and inappropriate sources. Attractive and unattractive, this is there life. Any women who tells you they had no idea what was going on is lying to you. PERIOD.

No person women or man in their right mind is making doggy dates with the opposite sex when they are married, particularly when they have already had an affair once. Either your wife is stupid (and I am not insulting your wife because I don't believe that) or she is falling back into patterns that SHE got herself into trouble with. These were choices she made willfully. She wasn't tricked into having an affair. That is not how it works. Unless she has some kind of diagnosed mental illness, and I mean diagnosed.

The real truth is people affair because they can, they think they can get away with it, it feels good and they want to. However blaming it on a hard time in the marriage, or someone sweet talking them is a very good way to get someone who is TOO NICE to back off. It's manipulation pure and simple.

This response makes me want to ask, what kinds of things was she doing to fix this besides the lie detector test?


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

Married women giving her number to another man is a huge red flag. Even if your wife did it innocently, you can bet the man is thinking she wants more than to talk. 

The next time your wife walks the dog, be with her. Hopefully you’ll bump into the other guy.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

^^^^^ yep, your wife is A grown woman. Knew better but did it anyway.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Never in a million years would I, as a married man, ask a woman for her phone number unless.

1) it was for legitimate business reasons
2) the person provided a neighborhood service I needed, like babysitting, lawn mowing, etc. or 

3) I was a cheating prick and I wanted to bang her

Pretty sure I know which one he falls under.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Hey @NYCBILL I agree with what everyone has said. One thing I will mention that I don't think anyone else has that could be seen as a positive is that she came straight home and told you everything about it. However, I would have a long talk with her about what she done is not a good thing at anytime for a married women to do. It could be as innocent as wanting a hookup with her, or it could be as severe as he could be a serial rapist or worse.

Then not only for the above mentioned but due to what you just went through 4+ years ago ask her if she understands why you feel the way you do and why you are talking to her about it. Best of luck!


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## dreamer2017 (Nov 7, 2017)

You should tell your wife to call the cell carrier and change her number TODAY.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Arranging play dates for dogs. Give me a break.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

NYCBILL said:


> Nor would I.....dude was like 30, she's almost 50. I said to her that young dude's totally want to F- older MILF's.......


You are assuming that the man was wanting more. I doubt it. Ok so you think she is hot, almost every married man on TAM claims their wife is hot, but if he is 30 and she old enough to be his mother it's highly unlikely that it was more than just what he said.
Personally I wouldn't have taken his number, especially after her previous cheating.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

NYCBILL said:


> This same smoothness is what got my wife into trouble with the guy 4 years ago. First, he was a friend of mine who used me to mine info he could then leverage on her which he did exceedingly well. She made the choice too obviously but he definitely worked the system and struck when she was most vulnerable.......we had been going through a rough patch and we didn't communicate well for a period of time. She owns the responsibility for the affair, just saying....


Then she should have confronted the issue that she has loose boundaries to begin with and realized this is a huge red flag. If she had confronted the part of herself that allowed the first affair to happen, she KNOWS she was doing wrong.

That tells me, she definitely hasn’t confronted her original issue AND, she is either now pushing your boundaries and testing you or playing some kind of little game here. I don’t know, but it stinks.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

As for her previous affair. I’m gonna say it likely was physical. I don’t trust a polygraph. Also there’s no way if they were in any sort of close proximity they wouldn’t engage each other physically.

As for giving a random guy her phone number. I think it’s likely she was flattered by the attention and maybe even found the guy attractive herself. It seems like she has poor boundaries and is maybe a people pleaser who can’t say no to people. It was definitely totally inappropriate of her to do. I would be concerned about having a wife who can’t say no to somebody and who doesn’t even think to guard the sanctity of their marriage.

Also your wife being older doesn’t exclude her for male attention or the risk of infidelity. As a man in his thirties I can say if I was single I’d have no problem dating an attractive older woman. I find them more attractive than younger women most of the time. Probably the same case with this guy.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Sorry, but I continue to hold to what I’ve always said —
> 
> EA + proximity = PA
> 
> Polygraphs are good for one thing and one thing only — parking lot confessions.


All ^this^ aside, no — she should not have given this guy her number.

****ing. Duh.

Time to have a talk with her.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Your wife obviously has NOT learned from the past.

So the guy asked for her #......it was up to your wife to say "no".

There's no doubt what this guy's agenda is and it was your wife's responsibility to shut it down and she didn't.


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## NYCBILL (Nov 27, 2017)

sokillme said:


> Nah, see this thinking is leaving you vulnerable. Your wife was not some victim of a smooth friend or yours or this guy with the Dog, she is a grown women. Let me tell you by the age of 16 all women, ALL are very aware of men putting the moves on them. They deal with it very day from appropriate and inappropriate sources. Attractive and unattractive, this is there life. Any women who tells you they had no idea what was going on is lying to you. PERIOD.
> 
> No person women or man in their right mind is making doggy dates with the opposite sex when they are married, particularly when they have already had an affair once. Either your wife is stupid (and I am not insulting your wife because I don't believe that) or she is falling back into patterns that SHE got herself into trouble with. These were choices she made willfully. She wasn't tricked into having an affair. That is not how it works. Unless she has some kind of diagnosed mental illness, and I mean diagnosed.
> 
> ...


Yes, you are correct. I was just pointing out what the dude did in this scenario....my wife definitely made her series of choices, series of lies, etc etc. It felt good to her, she likes the excitement, and she crossed boundaries. She blamed it on herself and her weaknesses with boundaries, and she liked the excitement. 

She went to intensive 1:1 therapy for a year to figure her **** out, she's 100% transparent now, she answers any and all questions I have about what happened, apologizes all the time not just to me, but how it impacted "us" and our kids.

But in this specific case, she seems to have regressed to old behaviors. I'll need to address this when she gets home.


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## NYCBILL (Nov 27, 2017)

Thanks everyone for the tough love advice....definitely something I'll need to address this evening.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

NYCBILL said:


> Yes, you are correct. I was just pointing out what the dude did in this scenario....my wife definitely made her series of choices, series of lies, etc etc. It felt good to her, she likes the excitement, and she crossed boundaries. She blamed it on herself and her weaknesses with boundaries, and she liked the excitement.
> 
> She went to intensive 1:1 therapy for a year to figure her **** out, she's 100% transparent now, she answers any and all questions I have about what happened, apologizes all the time not just to me, but how it impacted "us" and our kids.
> 
> But in this specific case, she seems to have regressed to old behaviors. I'll need to address this when she gets home.


Just a thought —

Maybe take a look to see where she’s at.

Like… right now.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She came to you and told you about it. Clearly she knew what she did was inappropriate or she wouldn’t have felt the need to tell you. It was on her mind. Probably CALLING it is on her mind more. 
Giving a stranger your phone number? Wow.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

jjj858 said:


> As for her previous affair. I’m gonna say it likely was physical. I don’t trust a polygraph. Also there’s no way if they were in any sort of close proximity they wouldn’t engage each other physically.
> 
> As for giving a random guy her phone number. I think it’s likely she was flattered by the attention and maybe even found the guy attractive herself. It seems like she has poor boundaries and is maybe a people pleaser who can’t say no to people. It was definitely totally inappropriate of her to do. I would be concerned about having a wife who can’t say no to somebody and who doesn’t even think to guard the sanctity of their marriage.
> 
> Also your wife being older doesn’t exclude her for male attention or the risk of infidelity. As a man in his thirties I can say if I was single I’d have no problem dating an attractive older woman. I find them more attractive than younger women most of the time. Probably the same case with this guy.


Even old enough to be your mum?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Even old enough to be your mum?


Yep


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Even old enough to be your mum?


Yuuuuup.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Yep


Most men seem to want younger women not much older ones.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GusPolinski said:


> Yuuuuup.


As I said in the above post, the majority of men go after younger women.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

NYCBILL said:


> Yes, you are correct. I was just pointing out what the dude did in this scenario....my wife definitely made her series of choices, series of lies, etc etc. It felt good to her, she likes the excitement, and she crossed boundaries. She blamed it on herself and her weaknesses with boundaries, and she liked the excitement.
> 
> She went to intensive 1:1 therapy for a year to figure her **** out, she's 100% transparent now, she answers any and all questions I have about what happened, apologizes all the time not just to me, but how it impacted "us" and our kids.
> 
> But in this specific case, she seems to have regressed to old behaviors. I'll need to address this when she gets home.


Apparently she didn’t learn much. The problem you have is most cheaters will do/promise anything upfront to try and hold onto their comfortable lifestyle but most often the tears they shed are for getting caught. After a time and when the coast is clear they revert back.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

Diana7 said:


> As I said in the above post, the majority of men go after younger women.


So. The problem is what previous cheater gives her phone number out to a stranger she just met out while walking the dog?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> As I said in the above post, the majority of men go after younger women.


Probably doesn’t matter what the majority of men do or do not, _this _guy wants a piece of her. And she knows it.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> As I said in the above post, the majority of men go after younger women.


For relationship purposes, you are correct. Most guys prefer to settle down with someone younger. If the guy is just looking to smash or have an affair on the side though, most men affair down so an older lady is a likely target for a guy looking for NSA.


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

A married woman should not be giving her number out to random men she runs into on the street. Sorry bud, your wife is not relationship material. As they say, she is for the streets.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Diana7 said:


> As I said in the above post, the majority of men go after younger women.


You're forgetting about the minority...


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Even old enough to be your mum?


Sure. Maybe most men go younger but I’d be more into an attractive older woman if I was single.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> As I said in the above post, the majority of men go after younger women.


That’s for relationships and babies.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Look at it this way. I’m not a cheater.

When I meet a hot lady (I do many times a week), for example riding my mountain bike or at the gym; I don’t have a conversation and then at the end, “Hey baby give me your number maybe we hook up and ride mountain bikes.” That’s asking her on a date. 

If she gives me her number, she’s either saying:

1. This guy is a psycho, how can I get him away from me?
2. Maybe… 🤔
3. Yes please!

It seems like we can eliminate #1.

If my wife gave her number to some random guy she met I’d be pissed.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

NYCBILL said:


> Wife goes on a walk with our large almost hundred pound puppy through the neighborhood. She runs into a man who is also walking his very large puppy


It took me about ten seconds to spot a big part of your problem. A hundred pound is not a puppy you jackwaagon. Trying to be cute referring to your large dog and his large dog as puppies makes you sound like a real puzzy. If this thread had audio you'd probably sound like Mickey Mouse. If men use cutesy wootsey terminology for anything, other than pet names for their wives tits and azz, sounds its effeminate. Hopefully youre not that beta. Your old lady was sniffing around three years ago for a reason. Hey, I got an idea. Tell her if you catch her sashaying around this neighbor again, you're not going to give her any of your wee wee.
Now if you don't do anything else, lose the girly vocabulary and start referring to a dog as a dog Dawg.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> Most men seem to want younger women not much older ones.


You’d be surprised, there’s a good portion of young single ones who will do anything to flatter an older woman. And it’s usually not really her they want in the end. He probably knows she’s easy.


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## cocolo2019 (Aug 21, 2019)

OP, I wouldn't say anything to her. Instead, I would install a spy app on her phone. This way you can see her interaction with that man and find out if you were deceived with a false remorse.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I think I will come here in futcher for tips on how to pick up women to cheat with , this guy is the winner , lol


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

It’s maybe 2001. I’m in my early/mid 20’s. I’m walking through the bullpen area of the office and notice a very buxom, very attractive older woman sitting at one of the temp desks. Easily 15-20 years older than me. She’s on the phone but looking in my direction, so I smile and give a polite nod as I walk past. She hangs up the phone and I hear this…

Older Woman: “Hey, you’re Gus, right?”

<I stop mid-step and turn around>

Me: “Yep, that’s me. Can I help you with something?”

(Keep in mind, I worked in desktop support, so this started as a pretty normal interaction.)

OW: “All the girls at the help desk tell me that you like to call them up and get them all worked up.”

Me: <very confused> “Ehhh… no. That’s not me. You must be thinking of my teammate Chr-“

(Background: one of my teammates would call the help desk and talk somewhat… inappropriately with a couple of the women there. He sat next to me so I’d hear it all while shaking my head and laughing.)

OW: “Oh no. They said Gus.”

Me: “Ehhh… OK.”

OW: “Well I’ll tell you what, Honey… my extension here is <reads off extension> — and you can call me anytime.”

Me: 😳😳

Had I not been a married man, that interaction would have ended very differently than it did — with me walking away dizzy while trying to mutter something like, “Uhhh… I gotta go…” because of all the blood rushing to my head.

😳🤷🏻‍♂️😆


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

They were not just a man and a woman, they were dog walkers. And they do sometimes exchange contact information.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Blondilocks said:


> Arranging play dates for dogs. Give me a break.


My sister did this with another woman who she met walking their dogs. So it does happen.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> As I said in the above post, the majority of men go after younger women.


And it doesn't have to be the majority of men...it only takes one and believe me there are far more out there who like older women, even women old enough to be their grandmothers never mind their mothers.
You may not believe it but it's true, with some it's a fetish.

When I had dogs I regularly used to see females out exercising theirs, sometimes the dogs would play together and we may occasionally chat for a little while. Never once did I feel the need to try and get their phone numbers to arrange 'doggy play dates'.
For one I was married and secondly it would be obvious that I wasn't trying to get their number just to increase my dogs social circle, the very idea is ridiculous and even more so as NYCBILL's wife said this was the first time they had met.

The good thing about this incident as others have said is she told OP about it but I would leave her in no doubt at all that this is NOT acceptable and that she needs to exercise the dog elsewhere from now on....there has to be some consequences to her flippant behaviour.

If this clown ever phones her to arrange a nice doggy play party I'd arrange to go with her to meet him and I'd have a very frank talk with him and he better remove her number from his phone while I watched pronto.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> My sister did this with another woman who she met walking their dogs. So it does happen.


That's all well and good Matt but had your sister previously had an affair with another woman and shown very poor boundary control?....Just asking.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

MattMatt said:


> My sister did this with another woman who she met walking their dogs. So it does happen.


Two women hitting it off and arranging a play date for their dogs = friendly acquaintances that may become friends.

Single woman and man hitting it off and arranging a play date for their dogs = a date.

Married woman and man that hit it off and arrange play date for their dogs = well, also a date.
And OP’s wife is not stupid enough that she doesn’t realize this.


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## Goose54 (Feb 11, 2018)

> You are assuming that the man was wanting more.


After what I’ve been through, every man, EVERY swinging d**k, does want my W.(period!). It’s just a fact of life. And after what I’ve been through, every husband should think that way, JMO.

EA + Proximity = PA

Another fact of life.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> You are assuming that the man was wanting more. I doubt it. Ok so you think she is hot, almost every married man on TAM claims their wife is hot, but if he is 30 and she old enough to be his mother it's highly unlikely that it was more than just what he said.


Yours is the best joke of this week!
British- like nonsense is not an easy branch of humor.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Hey @NYCBILL 

How did the talk go? Did she understand based on her prior decision making and boundaries why you were concerned or upset? I hope everything went well!


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

MattMatt said:


> They were not just a man and a woman, they were dog walkers.


That´s true but hardly relevant.
In the conditions of her previous affair, the focus should be reversed. 
Like:
"They were not just dog walkers, they were a man and a woman" ....exchanging contact information.


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## Goose54 (Feb 11, 2018)

Not sure where this, younger man not finding an older woman sexy is coming from. This is conditioned in us from a very young age. Nearly all American males had a crush at one time or other on an older lady. I certainly did.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Attractive, not attractive, older, younger, whatever....

Some guys would ask the number of a 400 lb woman or an old lady if she was friendly enough in that situation.......

Forget about all that crap, it means nothing.....What the OP has to come to grips with is what are the reasons why she doesn't value him.?....Women that value their men, don't give guys on the street the time of day, I don't care what the activity is....In fact, there is an "invisible force field" around these women that make them completely unapproachable...Guys know this and leave them be....

She has no such force field and is being receptive....Its a concern, if the OP values this long term...


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> Attractive, not attractive, older, younger, whatever....
> 
> Some guys would ask the number of a 400 lb woman or an old lady if she was friendly enough in that situation.......
> 
> ...


Pretty much. She is giving off that vibe that she is down for a good time, husband or no. Most guys can spot women like this because they make it obvious.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Goose54 said:


> Not sure where this, younger man not finding an older woman sexy is coming from. This is conditioned in us from a very young age. *Nearly all American males had a crush at one time or other on an older lady. I certainly did.*


And Brit. males too, trust me.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Goose54 said:


> Not sure where this, younger man not finding an older woman sexy is coming from. This is conditioned in us from a very young age. Nearly all American males had a crush at one time or other on an older lady. I certainly did.


Yep...my 1st grade teacher was 🔥 my 5th grade teacher seemed 🔥 and exotic to me. Many young guys looking at older women think "I would like for her to teach me a few of her tricks". Younger guys know that older women are more likely up for No Strings Attached Sex.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

NYCBILL said:


> Does the man want to **** my wife? Probably (she's hot), but I don't think that was his goal.
> 
> Thoughts?


Really?? You're kidding right?? He absolutely wants to shag your wife mate. Absolutely.

No, she should not have given him her number.

I can't believe she actually did it to be honest. Wow.

You go on that damn walk next time, and you tell that sleazy wanna be wife bonker where he can shove his "play date".


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> You are assuming that the man was wanting more. I doubt it. Ok so you think she is hot, almost every married man on TAM claims their wife is hot, but if he is 30 and she old enough to be his mother it's highly unlikely that it was more than just what he said.
> Personally I wouldn't have taken his number, especially after her previous cheating.


Not sure about that, I have two gf's in their 50's, both stunning women. One's 55, the other 54 - and she could absolutely give the VS models a run for their money on the catwalk.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

At the age of 51 I was asked by a 26yo man to engage in an affair with him. He would NOT let it go at a party, even after hearing that my older brother was his boss. And I hardly classify as stunning, believe me. It's a well known thing that young men in their 20's and 30's go after older women. Very well known. I couldn't believe it until it happened to me but there it was.

As for the wife, I am thinking that due to the fact that she came right home and told her husband about it she could have been thinking the guy lived in the neighborhood and was looking for friends in the area for he and his wife. She told her husband because she thought this was going to be a couple friendship type thing. I would totally have thought that. There are many women who just don't believe they inspire men to go after them and so therefore everytime something like this happens, they ascribe a friendship vibe to it instead of thinking that the guy is a predator. Also, not all guys are predators.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> You are assuming that the man was wanting more. I doubt it. Ok so you think she is hot, almost every married man on TAM claims their wife is hot, but if he is 30 and she old enough to be his mother it's highly unlikely that it was more than just what he said.
> Personally I wouldn't have taken his number, especially after her previous cheating.


You have very obviously never been in the mind of a man. Any guy that says they have zero sexual thoughts about any woman they meet is lying. The thought may not ever gain any kind of traction, but it is there. This guy took it to the next step and asked for her number. He would absolutely keep advancing the relationship until he beds her. You can count on it.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You have very obviously never been in the mind of a man. Any guy that says they have zero sexual thoughts about any woman they meet is lying. The thought may not ever gain any kind of traction, but it is there. This guy took it to the next step and asked for her number. He would absolutely keep advancing the relationship until he beds her. You can count on it.


I wonder sometimes, in my above post I said I would have thought the guy was looking for some neighborhood friends for he and his wife but reading this makes me feel like some would think I have no boundaries even though MY intentions would not be to start something with this guy. That would be the very last thing on my mind. I guess I'm just too naive...my brain doesn't go there until something more nefarious happens like a sexual joke or innuendo and THEN I put the brakes on things and say "Woah...happily involved with somebody and there is ZERO wiggle room there dude" and I walk away. I, too, always mention encounters I've had with men to my BF as in "hey met this guy today...you'd love him...he's a musician, he's the friend of a friend...hope you can meet him at some point, " type stuff. So like the girlfriend in this post, I'm never trying to hide anything.

Do women really have to look at every encounter with men as if the man has a sexual motive? That's depressing to me. I like men, I like their humor, their conversation, etc. I don't want to feel like I can never engage in a fun conversation or it's step one of me cheating on my boyfriend. That seems crazy!!!


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## Goose54 (Feb 11, 2018)

> Do women really have to look at every encounter with men as if the man has a sexual motive? That's depressing to me.


 Seven seconds, males think about sex, on average, every seven seconds. So I guess if you keep the conversation short…. Sorry, I know this isn’t a joking matter.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Goose54 said:


> Seven seconds, males think about sex, on average, every seven seconds. So I guess if you keep the conversation short…. Sorry, I know this isn’t a joking matter.


And yet, I laughed. Thanks!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

notmyjamie said:


> I wonder sometimes, in my above post I said I would have thought the guy was looking for some neighborhood friends for he and his wife but reading this makes me feel like some would think I have no boundaries even though MY intentions would not be to start something with this guy. That would be the very last thing on my mind. I guess I'm just too naive...my brain doesn't go there until something more nefarious happens like a sexual joke or innuendo and THEN I put the brakes on things and say "Woah...happily involved with somebody and there is ZERO wiggle room there dude" and I walk away. I, too, always mention encounters I've had with men to my BF as in "hey met this guy today...you'd love him...he's a musician, he's the friend of a friend...hope you can meet him at some point, " type stuff. So like the girlfriend in this post, I'm never trying to hide anything.
> 
> Do women really have to look at every encounter with men as if the man has a sexual motive? That's depressing to me. I like men, I like their humor, their conversation, etc. I don't want to feel like I can never engage in a fun conversation or it's step one of me cheating on my boyfriend. That seems crazy!!!


I obviously can't speak for every man, but I think on some level we all assess the sexual viability during nearly every new encounter. For me there is always a fleeting thought when I meet someone. It doesn't go anywhere of course, but I think it is there at some level for all men. It is just a matter of whether they act on the feelings or not. I think that initial reaction is human nature.

Now in this case the initial meeting was followed up with a short chat and he even got her number. He knows there is some level of interest, even if it is innocent at this point. Now contact will continue and I can all but guarantee he will start putting out some of that innuendo you mentioned. Since he already has his foot in the door she is much less likely to rebuff his advances and next thing you know you are witnessing the start of a new affair.

What I would like to know is how much the husband or the OM's wife ever came up during the chat and while she was giving out her number to basically a complete stranger. Her behavior is naive at the least and given her past sexting affair I think she is the type that is a high risk to get pulled into something even if she doesn't intend to from the start. It would have been much different if she came home from the walk and said "I met a neighbor and we talked about us getting together with him and his wife for dinner", not, "I met a guy and I gave him my number so I can walk my dog with him." She basically opened the door for a future date with him. Nothing good will come from it.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> almost every married man on TAM claims their wife is hot


I think my wife is attractive, simply because she is. Yet make no mistake, if she was ugly I would have no problem saying so.


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

If i were a betting man, I'd bet that he texts her in the next couple days to see about a dog meet,... "Hey there , I was just going to take Rover for a walk and wonder if you and Bowser want to meet up at the park" a very innocent text, but bait for a woman with flexible boundaries.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

The problem isn’t the guy. Who in the hell gives out their phone number to a rank stranger walking their dog?


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Women never seem to believe it. But yes every guy you encounter whether at work, as a friend, wherever, has definitely thought about sleeping with you. I’m married and faithful to my wife, but I can’t lie that I can assess sexual viability with any woman I encounter in about five seconds. It’s just how guys are wired I think. Also, if you’re in a relationship and have a lot of guy friends still, they are orbiters waiting to swoop in at the first sign of trouble.


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## Robert22205 (Jun 6, 2018)

*NYCBILL , *are you ok? 
How did the talk go with your wife?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

hamadryad said:


> Attractive, not attractive, older, younger, whatever....
> 
> Some guys would ask the number of a 400 lb woman or an old lady if she was friendly enough in that situation.......
> 
> ...


Great post!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

*I have an idea but I don't know if she'll go along with it. You and your wife could trade phones for the next couple of weeks or until the guy calls if he ever does.*


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

DownByTheRiver said:


> *I have an idea but I don't know if she'll go along with it. You and your wife could trade phones for the next couple of weeks or until the guy calls if he ever does.*


“If” he does???? Replace if with When and I’ll call it a great idea.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> Attractive, not attractive, older, younger, whatever....
> 
> Some guys would ask the number of a 400 lb woman or an old lady if she was friendly enough in that situation.......
> 
> ...


In normal circumstances I would agree with you, but dogs have this magical ability to bring people together to talk to each other who normally never would. They're basically taking you for a walk. 

But yes I agree the guy was out of line at a minimum. She may not have wanted to give her phone number but some people find it hard to say no especially women mainly because they're afraid of hurting someone's feelings and of course those are the ones you have to worry about.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Just a couple of observations from life experience. 1)Single 20 something to 30 something males very much want to have sex with attractive 40 something to 50 something females. They aren't looking to settle down with them, they are looking to bed them. 2)Men know that dogs are a great tool to pick up women. 3)Straight men very rarely strive to develop platonic friendship relationships with women they find attractive. 4) Experienced players know there is no harm in asking for a phone number. Seriously, what's the worst that will happen?? The woman will say no?


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> In normal circumstances I would agree with you, but dogs have this magical ability to bring people together to talk to each other who normally never would. They're basically taking you for a walk.
> 
> But yes I agree the guy was out of line at a minimum. She may not have wanted to give her phone number but some people find it hard to say no especially women mainly because they're afraid of hurting someone's feelings and of course those are the ones you have to worry about.


Owned dogs my entire life....I agree with you that they do create some bonding on the street, but never in my entire life did I ever engage a woman on the street and ask for her number, even if the dogs actually got close enough to sniff each others ass... 😂

My guess is she sends out "signals"....I have been told by some women over the years, that I am oblivious to these signals, lol, but sure, a lot of guys aren't and when they get the green, they go for it, like this guy did...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

She’s a walking Christmas tree if signals if s man asked for her number the first time he met her, knowing she’s married. In my parts, a man would be worried about the husband catching him in the street and explaining the inappropriateness of such a request over a nice sandwich.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

jjj858 said:


> Women never seem to believe it. But yes every guy you encounter whether at work, as a friend, wherever, has definitely thought about sleeping with you. I’m married and faithful to my wife, but I can’t lie that I can assess sexual viability with any woman I encounter in about five seconds. It’s just how guys are wired I think. Also, if you’re in a relationship and have a lot of guy friends still, they are orbiters waiting to swoop in at the first sign of trouble.


I suspect every guy that acts friendly, just because I’ve had too many weird and uncomfortable experiences. My boundaries are land mined and barb wired. It sucks for those who don’t have the desire to do anything but just be friendly.

But THIS information… wow. It disturbs me for a reason I can’t quite explain. You boys really do have cooties.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Luckylucky said:


> You’d be surprised, there’s a good portion of young single ones who will do anything to flatter an older woman. And it’s usually not really her they want in the end. He probably knows she’s easy.


So older women are easy? Some maybe but a lot aren't.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> So older women are easy? Some maybe but a lot aren't.


Of course not Diana, we both know that. But a set up like this, the younger ones know who to zone in on when boldly giving out phone numbers. If they’re not interested in chasing younger women, they’re targeting something else and can pick an ‘easy’ older target. This type of older women likes to think she’s still got it, and he knows it. 😉


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

QuietRiot said:


> I suspect every guy that acts friendly, just because I’ve had too many weird and uncomfortable experiences. My boundaries are land mined and barb wired. It sucks for those who don’t have the desire to do anything but just be friendly.
> 
> But THIS information… wow. It disturbs me for a reason I can’t quite explain. You boys really do have cooties.


This guy does NOT speak for me and more than likely numerous others. "Every" guy? Um NO!!

Are there numerous women I would size up when I was single? Absolutely. "Every" woman? Not just no but hell no!!

I'm married now, and is it human nature to look? Yes. However I'm NOT an animal and I don't have to think about sticking my Johnson in anything that moves. 

Even being married, do I have to size up every woman? Again no. 

Do we men think about sex often? Yes!! I can't speak for every man but when I think about it there's no question it's about my wife.

So no not "every" man thinks about sleeping with you.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

sideways said:


> So no not "every" man thinks about sleeping with you.


Oh thanks. I think…


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

DownByTheRiver said:


> She may not have wanted to give her phone number but some people find it hard to say no especially women mainly because they're afraid of hurting someone's feelings and of course those are the ones you have to worry about.


Her appropriate reply to the guy should have been "I don't think my H would like it if I give out my phone number to someone I just met"
IF he was interested in friends for him/his wife, then he could have said "why don't we ALL meet up sometime with the dogs?"


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> Owned dogs my entire life....I agree with you that they do create some bonding on the street, but never in my entire life did I ever engage a woman on the street and ask for her number, even if the dogs actually got close enough to sniff each others ass... 😂
> 
> My guess is she sends out "signals"....I have been told by some women over the years, that I am oblivious to these signals, lol, but sure, a lot of guys aren't and when they get the green, they go for it, like this guy did...


Well and some guys are just aggressive and especially married ones looking to cheat. 

The most out there thing I ever saw when you do, me and my friend were at the lobby of a nice restaurant. The restaurant is upstairs and the lobby is downstairs and that's where the restrooms are. It was crowded down there. The guy came in with his wife and a baby. He had the baby you know on his shoulders and head. His wife walked a few feet away to go to the ladies room. 

As soon as she had shut the door behind her, he made a beeline for my friend still with the baby on his head and started flirting and hitting on her. Just right under his wife's nose and totally exploiting his baby to do it. That's pretty bad. I mean what kind of woman would fall for that and think that was okay and think I'll just take up with that guy?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> Her appropriate reply to the guy should have been "I don't think my H would like it if I give out my phone number to someone I just met"
> IF he was interested in friends for him/his wife, then he could have said "why don't we ALL meet up sometime with the dogs?"


Yep. When something happens by surprise though, there are many people who are not ready with the appropriate response. That has to at least be taken into consideration. I mean it sounds pretty out of the blue. I would just be sure to answer that phone if he called or texted.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> You are assuming that the man was wanting more. I doubt it. Ok so you think she is hot, almost every married man on TAM claims their wife is hot, but if he is 30 and she old enough to be his mother it's highly unlikely that it was more than just what he said.
> Personally I wouldn't have taken his number, especially after her previous cheating.


Not me my wife was hot when I married her, a solid 9 or 10.
But 10 years later she's hit the wall hard and down to a 5 at best.
If I wasn't already married to her, I wouldn't ask her out on a date, she's a bit big and a bit old for me.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

This is what happens when you stay with a cheater. Everything they do is suspicious, and every interaction they have one on one with the opposite sex makes their spouse anxious.
I’m glad my cheater is history.
I’m this case OP is seeing that his wife is still clueless about boundaries, still likes male attention, and still is a huge risk for a repeat performance. This problem with friendly doggy dude will pass, but OP will still have problems with how his wife is always putting out the vibes to other men. Enough that they’d ask a married woman for her phone number after a 5 minute conversation.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

Definitely a positive she came back and told you what happened immediately. If she had any ulterior motives she wouldn't have mentioned it to you...unless she's playing chess and you checkers.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Not me my wife was hot when I married her, a solid 9 or 10.
> But 10 years later she's hit the wall hard and down to a 5 at best.
> If I wasn't already married to her, I wouldn't ask her out on a date, she's a bit big and a bit old for me.


Damn, that’s a weird thing to say. If you loved her, seems like she’d always be a ten in your eyes.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Evinrude58 said:


> Damn, that’s a weird thing to say. If you loved her, seems like she’d always be a ten in your eyes.


You think I should live in a delusional world?
....... a world where a giant white rabbit is my best friend?


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## Enigma32 (Jul 6, 2020)

Diana7 said:


> So older women are easy? Some maybe but a lot aren't.


It's not that older women are easy, but women in general tend to be more easy when the guy they are dealing with has higher value than they do in the sexual marketplace. Maybe if a guy her own age hit on her one day, she might demand a few nice dinners and some actual effort before she would consider sleeping with him, but if a young hot guy comes on to her, she will blow him in the parking lot of a bar.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

jlg07 said:


> Her appropriate reply to the guy should have been "I don't think my H would like it if I give out my phone number to someone I just met"
> IF he was interested in friends for him/his wife, then he could have said "why don't we ALL meet up sometime with the dogs?"


Or "Let me give you my husbands number"


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Goose54 said:


> Not sure where this, younger man not finding an older woman sexy is coming from. This is conditioned in us from a very young age. Nearly all American males had a crush at one time or other on an older lady. I certainly did.


"All you did was wreck my bed, and in the morning kick me in the head..."
Got to admit, when that song came out, I was 15 and just really didn't understand the problem he was having with Maggie...


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

jlg07 said:


> Her appropriate reply to the guy should have been "I don't think my H would like it if I give out my phone number to someone I just met"
> IF he was interested in friends for him/his wife, then he could have said "why don't we ALL meet up sometime with the dogs?"


A sharp ‘No!’ Without explanation or giving away any information would have sent both dogs on their way, one with his tail between his legs 😁


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## seadoug105 (Jan 12, 2018)

sideways said:


> This guy does NOT speak for me and more than likely numerous others. "Every" guy? Um NO!!
> 
> Are there numerous women I would size up when I was single? Absolutely. "Every" woman? Not just no but hell no!!
> 
> ...


Says the White Knight as he polishes his armor!


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Captain Obvious said:


> Just a couple of observations from life experience. 1)Single 20 something to 30 something males very much want to have sex with attractive 40 something to 50 something females. They aren't looking to settle down with them, they are looking to bed them. 2)Men know that dogs are a great tool to pick up women. 3)Straight men very rarely strive to develop platonic friendship relationships with women they find attractive. 4) Experienced players know there is no harm in asking for a phone number. Seriously, what's the worst that will happen?? The woman will say no?


All these points absolutely bang on, especially number 2. 
One of my grandaughters has a white chow chow and I kid you not whenever I've been out with it it's literally like having a woman magnet on a leash. 
You can't walk 20 steps without one coming up and cooing about it and striking up a conversation.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

This might not be the popular opinion but I'll play devils advocate and look at it from another direction. What if this interaction was entirely innocent? What if the wife felt it would have been rude or unfriendly not give out the number? Even though the wife has a history, exchanging numbers with a neighbor isn't exactly a capitol offense. To me what's important is how its handled from here. If she receives a call or text asking to meet I would think the wife would reply with something like "it wouldn't be appropriate without my husband." When the wife brushes him off and he continues to contact her then it would be time to step up the rebuke or even the husband responding to the call or text. Men and women do communicate with each other outside of their marriages but should not be putting themselves in position where something could happen or even look bad.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

johndoe12299 said:


> Definitely a positive she came back and told you what happened immediately. If she had any ulterior motives she wouldn't have mentioned it to you...unless she's playing chess and you checkers.


Maybe.....

But that could also be a game,,,,,

She is telling him this to see what his reaction will be....She seems like the type that needs and craves attention...I have known women that do this type of thing...They will even make up scenarios that never happened...."oh....this guy at work told me that I have nice legs"....Like even if that happened, why go home and tell a guy that?....Most women would roll their eyes and not say anything to a SO, as she knows it's going to agitate him...


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Pay a really handsome younger dude, fix him up with a doggie, have him put the moves on your wife, and see how long it takes him to get her number and make a screw date with her.
I’m thinking you already know that he wouldn’t have to be very gifted in gab to get in her britches. She’d likely be asking for HIS number.

Just send her packing. This is no way to live.
No married woman gives her number out like this.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

Willnotbill said:


> This might not be the popular opinion but I'll play devils advocate and look at it from another direction. What if this interaction was entirely innocent? What if the wife felt it would have been rude or unfriendly not give out the number? Even though the wife has a history, exchanging numbers with a neighbor isn't exactly a capitol offense. To me what's important is how its handled from here. If she receives a call or text asking to meet I would think the wife would reply with something like "it wouldn't be appropriate without my husband." When the wife brushes him off and he continues to contact her then it would be time to step up the rebuke or even the husband responding to the call or text. Men and women do communicate with each other outside of their marriages but should not be putting themselves in position where something could happen or even look bad.



Eh....I dunno....

I realize that situations differ depending on locale....Like for example, I live in Northeast USA...In a big metropolitan area...Most of the women around here aren't really friendly and generally don't flirt with random guys all that much....And the more attractive they are, the more standoffish they will be...No way any woman around here would engage a guy walking a dog and give a number....I won't say it's impossible, but I can't see it happening....The women around here know how to handle unsolicited male attention swiftly and sharply....

In the south it's a completely different scenario...Whenever I am down there, I am amazed at how flirty and friendly women are towards men...at least IME, anyway...

So maybe that is playing into this? I dunno...At the end of the day, it's been my experience that women don't necessarily have to deal with male attention.....Its all in their attitude....Some of the best looking women you will ever see walk around with an invisible giant STOP sign on them...Guys know this and avoid them entirely....Other women have a giant green light over their heads....Maybe she is one of those...


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

hamadryad said:


> In the south it's a completely different scenario...Whenever I am down there, I am amazed at how flirty and friendly women are towards men...at least IME, anyway...


This is so true. I’m technically in the Mid Atlantic region, but south of the Mason Dixon line, so I identify as a southern belle, sippin juleps under the magnolia tree. 😆 I drip syrupy (genuine) sweetness whenever I go, and call people names like honey, sugar, baby, and sweetie every chance I get. Sometimes I’ll hit a stranger with a ‘hi, lover’ and really knock them on their ass. That one I do for fun. The rest just seems like good manners. 🤷‍♀️

It does get me into trouble though. I’ve given out my number on occasion with no intention of talking to them again for the simple reason that I didn’t want to be rude. Since the wife in this thread _is _married though, she could’ve easily said no, that her husband wouldn’t appreciate her giving out her number, and it would’ve been not only acceptable to the guy, but the right thing to do.

So it kind of makes you wonder.

I think you were right when you said that she wanted to get her husband’s (OP) reaction. Plus, I bet she was trying to set it up for future excuses. “Oh yea hun, that’s just that dog guy I met in the park. No big deal.”


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

She probably told you because she realised what she'd done. When I walk my dog, I meet lots of female dog owners and, although we talk and I've become kind of "friends" with some, I would never ask them for their phone number!


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Willnotbill said:


> This might not be the popular opinion but I'll play devils advocate and look at it from another direction. What if this interaction was entirely innocent? What if the wife felt it would have been rude or unfriendly not give out the number? Even though the wife has a history, exchanging numbers with a neighbor isn't exactly a capitol offense. To me what's important is how its handled from here. If she receives a call or text asking to meet I would think the wife would reply with something like "it wouldn't be appropriate without my husband." When the wife brushes him off and he continues to contact her then it would be time to step up the rebuke or even the husband responding to the call or text. Men and women do communicate with each other outside of their marriages but should not be putting themselves in position where something could happen or even look bad.


It was inappropriate for her to give her number to strange man period. It would have been appropriate to say I'll give you my hubbys # to call to talk about dogs.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

hamadryad said:


> So maybe that is playing into this? I dunno...At the end of the day, it's been my experience that women don't necessarily have to deal with male attention.....Its all in their attitude....Some of the best looking women you will ever see walk around with an invisible giant STOP sign on them...Guys know this and avoid them entirely....Other women have a giant green light over their heads....Maybe she is one of those...


My wife worked in a pipe fabrication plant as the Admin Asst to the plant mgr. She mainly dealt with all the foremen and mgmt heads. Except when booking flights and hotels for workers on outside jobs. They new better. There was all kinds of cheating and sleeping around going on in that plant.

They new my wife was Christian and very married. Guys treated her with utmost respect, addressed her as Mrs. First name and would not curse around her knowingly. If a foreman did by accident they would appologize immediately and if another worker did within earshot of a foreman, they were dressed down by forman and made to appologize.

You can usually tell right quich who would be open to it or "Don't go there" Especially tgose women who dress like they are 1 step away from being a street walker. Putting it on display for all the guys to see, some women too.


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## Willnotbill (May 13, 2021)

Divinely Favored said:


> It was inappropriate for her to give her number to strange man period. It would have been appropriate to say I'll give you my hubbys # to call to talk about dogs.


I understood this guy to be a neighbor. I have many of my neighbors cell and home phone numbers including two single women, (1 divorced and 1 widowed.) My wife also has numbers of some of our neighbors. I suppose all neighborhoods are different but we communicate with our neighbors at times. None of the communication I have with my neighbors is inappropriate. Anytime I contact a neighbor or they contact me it's for a reason and not a social call. That's why I say giving the number out isn't as big a deal as what happens next. I understand the OPs wife has him rightfully on guard. As a victim of infidelity I am very aware about people putting themselves in a position to make cheating possible or even one that gives question to it. However, I do beleive a man and a woman can have a conversation that doesn't lead to sexual activity. If the OPs wife didn't have the history this probably wouldn't even be a question.


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

Before I met my ex husband and moved away, I had neighbours who's house was right behind mine. I had the phone numbers of both the mum and dad because our kids played together a lot. If I was babysitting their kids either of them could contact me in an emergency. I was about 15 years older than this couple. One night I had trouble sleeping and went downstairs to get a drink from my kitchen and my phone pinged. It was from her husband saying he saw I was up, and then asked if he could pop over for a good f*cking. My jaw dropped and I froze in shock. I almost dropped my phone and it freaked me out. He must have been watching me from his house. I text back and said "don't contact me again or I will show your wife this text" he then avoided me after that. I wanted to tell his wife but she found out a week or so later he was cheating with someone, so I didn't want to get caught in the middle because she had already decided to divorce him. I was ready to tell her when she burst into tears saying he was having an affair and she told him to leave. 

In the situation in the park she was wrong to give her number. If she felt uncomfortable she could have changed a couple of digits and given him the wrong number, or said I don't think my husband would appreciate that, sorry. Doesn't matter if he was a neighbour. Neighbours have affairs all the time. What OP needs to know is why she thought it was OK? Especially because of her history. It would be different if both couples were walking their dogs and exchanged numbers. 

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Willnotbill said:


> If the OPs wife didn't have the history this probably wouldn't even be a question.


...and that´s the point.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

Even without the history I would still be skeptical of my wife giving out her number to a random young buck walking his dog. We all know what he's fishing for


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## Trustless Marriage (Mar 1, 2021)

I don't think your wife was thinking. She should have said "my husband wouldn't like me giving out my phone number" if she was worried about hurting his feelings. The guy, on the other hand, was out of line and should not have asked. She will have to reestablish her boundaries with this dude.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

With the wife's history, she shouldn't have given out her number. Even though the guy apparently lives down the street, it sounds like the wife had zero interaction with him before this episode, so he was pretty much a stranger. Also, how likely would it have been to exchange any phone numbers about doggy play dates if OP was the one walking the dog and not his wife?


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## ReadyandNot (Aug 28, 2021)

1st, I'm super naive with this stuff, and even I don't think I would give my number out like that. I tend to believe people and maybe would really think he wanted the dogs to socialize. If I did think that, I would incorporate my husband in the plans to make it clear that there's nothing going on with me. 

I also have a large dog. I run (he needs run). But, if we walked, I wouldn't stop long enough to talk to people. When I pass other dogs, I do so carefully, pulling mine away with me as a barrier and giving them space. There's will never be time or space to talk with anyone. I'm out there for the dog, not myself!

Lol this must be why I get so many questions about 'who did you see' 'did you talk to anyone' 'did anyone talk to you' ' you were gone a long time, i know you talked to someone' lol when I return. This stuff really does happen. Wow, ok, so...

Imagining being her in that situation, If I did stop and talk, and another large dog owner wanted the dogs to get together because they play nice and both are large,(1st there are too many things to do to schedule doggy dates, 2. It sounds lame and uninteresting and kind of awkward. 3. What the hell could they be talking about for so long anyway, the weather?? So not even I, the desperate lonely easily manipulated loser, would be interested in planning a stranger doggy playdate, dumb and yuk)

ok, so let's say I entertained it anyway: I would still totally be like.... yeah, maybe they can play again next time they see eachother on a walk, sometimes my husband walks him and he looks like blablabla if you ever see him. I'll tell my husband about you too so he can stop to let the puppies play if he sees you. Thanks...bye....LOL seriously, I'm super naive and still wouldn't want to set anything up with a strange guy. I'm also bothered that she gave her number out, especially after what you guys went though.

I think if she's even interested in communicating with this kid, then somethings wrong. Were the original reasons why she strayed identified and resolved? Perhaps that's something to look into with her?


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Intent in the south is in the way honey, baby, hon, and many other terms of endearment are said. There is a general way of saying them as a greeting and then there is the I want to jump your bones way.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Willnotbill said:


> This might not be the popular opinion but I'll play devils advocate and look at it from another direction. What if this interaction was entirely innocent? What if the wife felt it would have been rude or unfriendly not give out the number? Even though the wife has a history, exchanging numbers with a neighbor isn't exactly a capitol offense. To me what's important is how its handled from here. If she receives a call or text asking to meet I would think the wife would reply with something like "it wouldn't be appropriate without my husband." When the wife brushes him off and he continues to contact her then it would be time to step up the rebuke or even the husband responding to the call or text. Men and women do communicate with each other outside of their marriages but should not be putting themselves in position where something could happen or even look bad.


I think rude and unfriendly would be not saying hi when someone says it to you.

There is no reason to give a complete stranger your phone number unless you were wanting to date or just hook up.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Willnotbill said:


> *If the OPs wife didn't have the history this probably wouldn't even be a question.*


And if my granny had wheels she would've been a bus.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

I have never asked a woman for her number. This guy is some kind of smooth operator and went the real touchy feely route of being soul mate stuff and they really have this thing "for the sake of the dogs". He's working for this "soul mate" stuff to be for the sake of them, or more accurately, him.

Oh please. When your W gave the number, I can see him... first step, check. It's the equivalent of accepting a date. And now he's thinking: this can work and I can get her, hell, this might even be easy. I'll bet he ALWAYS starts with getting the number by some trick. 

He probably has had real luck with highly experienced older women who really "wanted to please him" so he'd know they're really worth it. He just can't wait. 

When he calls, the instruction should be to block him, everywhere and do not reply. And, make sure she starts on some other dog walking route. If the pick up guy who is planning on banging her real soon, approaches her, she should act like it's the first time they ever met and do NOTHING that puts out any signals that she's interested at all. 

Personally I NEVER call any woman, not my wife, and NEVER text any woman, not my wife aside from my DIL. I want no direct calls or texts from any woman not my wife.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Amanhasnoname said:


> And Brit. males too, trust me.


I had a crush on Elvis in my teens. Didn't mean I wanted a relationship with him.

A school boy crush is one thing. A man in his 30's or 40's wanting a woman of 50-70 seems more unlikely.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> Not me my wife was hot when I married her, a solid 9 or 10.
> But 10 years later she's hit the wall hard and down to a 5 at best.
> If I wasn't already married to her, I wouldn't ask her out on a date, she's a bit big and a bit old for me.


Yes cos you only like the very young ones of course. Ones young enough to be your daughter or maybe even your granddaughter?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> I had a crush on Elvis in my teens. Didn't mean I wanted a relationship with him.
> 
> A school boy crush is one thing. A man in his 30's or 40's wanting a woman of 50-70 seems more unlikely.


You are extremely narrow minded. Just because you think a certain way, doesn’t mean others do. 
There is no age barrier on what a man thinks is attractive and wants to get in bed with.
There are many women in their 50’s that have bodies to shame 25 yr old women. I’ve dated them.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> You are extremely narrow minded. Just because you think a certain way, doesn’t mean others do.
> There is no age barrier on what a man thinks is attractive and wants to get in bed with.
> There are many women in their 50’s that have bodies to shame 25 yr old women. I’ve dated them.


Not denying some men like women their mother's age but most men go after younger women.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Not denying some men like women their mother's age but most men go after younger women.


Men go after women they find attractive and that are reciprocating their advances.
Yes, youth is attractive. You act like a 20 yr old guy will pass up Heidi Klum because shes 48. I suppose Ashton Kutcher couldn’t find any young women and went after Demi Moore not knowing her age. A hot woman is a hot woman.


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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

Actually when he texts some time this week, set up a time for the dogs to meet and you show up and your wife stays home.
I bet that will be a short dog pay date...


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

> 4+ years ago I discovered that my wife had a 3 month sexting-affair with a mutual acquaintance of ours in early 2017.


Let me guess. She couldn't not respond because that would be rude. Something my exH used use. Even my mother when she felt like triangulating me around someone.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Not denying some men like women their mother's age but most men go after younger women.


When it comes to sex I believe most men are opportunistic. They will go after whatever sexual opportunity, they deem worthy enough, presents itself. That applies to single guys or married scumbags looking for a side piece.


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## CookieRookie (Aug 29, 2021)

This is deliberate on your wife's part. Not only is she priming herself for her next affair, she is deliberately pushing boundaries and testing what she can get away with. By the way, you have no real way of knowing whether her prior affair was physical, or if she had other physical or emotional affairs you never got any evidence of. Cheaters don't typically just go from being non-cheaters to cheaters suddenly and with no reason. It's usually a life-long character defect. I think there's a whole lot you don't know about your wife, because you have blinders on.


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## CookieRookie (Aug 29, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> I had a crush on Elvis in my teens. Didn't mean I wanted a relationship with him.
> 
> A school boy crush is one thing. A man in his 30's or 40's wanting a woman of 50-70 seems more unlikely.


He doesn't want the entire woman--just her vagina, mouth, and anus.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Men go after women they find attractive and that are reciprocating their advances.
> Yes, youth is attractive. You act like a 20 yr old guy will pass up Heidi Klum because shes 48. I suppose Ashton Kutcher couldn’t find any young women and went after Demi Moore not knowing her age. A hot woman is a hot woman.


Many will go after rich actresses/actors no matter what their age.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Captain Obvious said:


> When it comes to sex I believe most men are opportunistic. They will go after whatever sexual opportunity, they deem worthy enough, presents itself. That applies to single guys or married scumbags looking for a side piece.


Some maybe, not the good ones.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

CookieRookie said:


> He doesn't want the entire woman--just her vagina, mouth, and anus.


Nice 🤮


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Some maybe, not the good ones.


Sometimes people are just looking for a hook-up. They don’t care how old the person is, just as long as they are attractive, that’s all there is to it.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Not denying some men like women their mother's age but most men go after younger women.


Yes and do you think the ones who would go for older women would be the ones to try to get their number...or not? It doesn't matter a jot what most men would go after, or not, what's that got to do with the price of fish. 

I'm sure a lot of men who go for older women like younger women as well. I'm not sure I understand the point you keep repeating though. Does that mean you think it's improbable that this guy could possibly want OP's wife for sex or impossible?
After all's said and done though, the main culprit in all of this is OP's wife, attractive women will always have guys hitting on them (and not so attractive women too if the truth be told) it shouldn't be too hard to politely refuse to dish out your phone number to anyone who feels like asking for it. I don't care if she's a people pleaser or not she gave him a clear signal by giving him her number so easily that she could be up for more, whether that's what she intended or not.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Many will go after rich actresses/actors no matter what their age.


Ashton Kutcher is a rich actor. He doesn’t need Demi’s money.


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## ElwoodPDowd (Aug 25, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> Yes cos you only like the very young ones of course. Ones young enough to be your daughter or maybe even your granddaughter?


I wouldn't really call women aged 30-35 years old 'very young'.


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## smi11ie (Apr 21, 2016)

I walk dogs but I have never asked other dog walkers for their phone number. My parent are also dog walkers and I know they have some whatsapp group for other dog walkers but they have been using the same park for 20 years. This guy sounds like a sleaze and your wife should know better.

You could ask your wife to create a dog walking whatsapp group and include you. You could insist that all communication takes place in text on the group and no phone calls are to be made.

It is just unfortunate that you have to worry about this stuff.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

I have my neighbors contacts and even I feel weird when i text just the women. I feel compelled to include the husband in a group text just so they don't think I'm planting the seed for something down the line. 

Hard to believe your wife is this naive after everything that's happened.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Amanhasnoname said:


> All these points absolutely bang on, especially number 2.
> One of my grandaughters has a white chow chow and I kid you not whenever I've been out with it it's literally like having a woman magnet on a leash.
> You can't walk 20 steps without one coming up and cooing about it and striking up a conversation.


Hahahah. So when I was in graduate school one day I was walking up the hill to my office. I saw all these scantily clad young ladies mobbing this guy.

He had one of those tiny wrinkle puppies. I mean it probably wasn’t old enough to be out on campus but this dude didn’t care. Had literally 15 women all over him.

I thought about it all day. I got home and I crack a beer and start talking to my roommate and I’m like dude we need a wrinkle pup. I explain everything I saw to him and he’s like well yeah but I have a girlfriend. I’m like well my dude she ain’t here but the wrinkle pup ladies are.

He wasn’t convinced…


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

Definitely would be a great icebreaker in my newfound single life...i just don't want the responsbility, smell, and the shedding


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Hey @NYCBILL 

I hope your talk went well and your wife understood your concern. Hope everything is good have not heard from you since you said you were going to talk to her about her decision on Friday evening and hadn't heard back from you. Hope all is well.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

HappilyMarried1 said:


> Hey @NYCBILL
> 
> I hope your talk went well and your wife understood your concern. Hope everything is good have not heard from you since you said you were going to talk to her about her decision on Friday evening and hadn't heard back from you. Hope all is well.


I'll second that.


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## Amanhasnoname (Apr 1, 2021)

johndoe12299 said:


> Definitely would be a great icebreaker in my newfound single life...i just don't want the responsbility, smell, and the shedding


Haha!
Find a friend or aquaintance with a cute dog and offer to walk it for them....a win,win situation.👍


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

To people who think you should give a phone number so you don’t appear rude… it’s actually ok to be rude. 💃🏻💃🏻


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## LATERILUS79 (Apr 1, 2021)

QuietRiot said:


> I suspect every guy that acts friendly, just because I’ve had too many weird and uncomfortable experiences. My boundaries are land mined and barb wired. It sucks for those who don’t have the desire to do anything but just be friendly.
> 
> But THIS information… wow. It disturbs me for a reason I can’t quite explain. You boys really do have cooties.


Lol. We are just big dumb animals that are sick in the head. I wouldn't say we size up every woman. It's sorta like a trigger mechanism. It just sorta happens. Takes like 1 or 2 seconds then resets. Done pretty much in a blink of an eye and you didn't even know it happened!  

However, if it a woman we respect, we can step over the trip wire in our heads to not trigger the "what's it like to sleep with this woman" process. Takes a little effort but not too hard overall. At least, that is how it happens in my messed up head.


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

Dogs are like a social lubricant. I come across folks with dogs all the time. Sometimes we chat for a moment but if some random guy came up to me without a dog and asked for my number I'd think they were a bit weird. Go figure. Either way she had no business accepting a number from him as she is already married. So is he. Doubly wrong. How did your talk with her go, OP?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

sideways said:


> This guy does NOT speak for me and more than likely numerous others. "Every" guy? Um NO!!
> 
> Are there numerous women I would size up when I was single? Absolutely. "Every" woman? Not just no but hell no!!
> 
> ...


You admit that you do size up some women, but not all. How did you make that initial decision if you aren't assessing them in some way? I bet you do it to everyone, some just attract more of your attention then you become aware of it. It is natural in my opinion and nothing to be ashamed of, human nature, more specifically, male nature.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

LATERILUS79 said:


> Lol. We are just big dumb animals that are sick in the head. I wouldn't say we size up every woman. It's sorta like a trigger mechanism. It just sorta happens. Takes like 1 or 2 seconds then resets. Done pretty much in a blink of an eye and you didn't even know it happened!
> 
> However, if it a woman we respect, we can step over the trip wire in our heads to not trigger the "what's it like to sleep with this woman" process. Takes a little effort but not too hard overall. At least, that is how it happens in my messed up head.


Very good description of how it works. I think I made men out to be a bunch of pervs leering at women like vultures waiting to pounce. It is more subtle than that, but it is definitely happening.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You admit that you do size up some women, but not all. How did you make that initial decision if you aren't assessing them in some way? I bet you do it to everyone, some just attract more of your attention then you become aware of it. It is natural in my opinion and nothing to be ashamed of, human nature, more specifically, male nature.


"I bet you do it to EVERYONE"??

Are you inside my brain and know every thought and decision I make? We both know the answer to this.

In no way or form am I attracted to a woman who's obese (not a judgment on the woman) but that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about sizing them up and no my mind does NOT even go there. 

But you go ahead and think what you want because you know it all. Maybe all the questions on TAM from here on out should be addressed to you.


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

I've been walking my dog(s) for many years and never had someone ask for my number. Infact, people generally give me a wide berth. Some even cross to the other side of street. Granted, my dog is 120lb Rottweiler so that may have something to do with it, lol.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

sideways said:


> "I bet you do it to EVERYONE"??
> 
> Are you inside my brain and know every thought and decision I make? We both know the answer to this.
> 
> ...


Why so defensive? I don't know it all, but I am just following your statements to their logical conclusion. You looked at that obese women and made a call that you aren't attracted to her. You made a sexual based assessment, no? If not, then how did you come to that conclusion?


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

rugswept said:


> I have never asked a woman for her number. This guy is some kind of smooth operator and went the real touchy feely route of being soul mate stuff and they really have this thing "for the sake of the dogs". He's working for this "soul mate" stuff to be for the sake of them, or more accurately, him.
> 
> Oh please. When your W gave the number, I can see him... first step, check. It's the equivalent of accepting a date. And now he's thinking: this can work and I can get her, hell, this might even be easy. I'll bet he ALWAYS starts with getting the number by some trick.
> 
> ...


Um, the problem isn’t the guy - at all. The problem is OP’s wife giving her number out to a man.

She wasn’t tricked by a predator dude, she chose to act inappropriately by being receptive to his advances and giving him her number.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

mickybill said:


> Actually when he texts some time this week, set up a time for the dogs to meet and you show up and your wife stays home.
> I bet that will be a short dog pay date...


That doesn’t solve the problem of his wife being receptive to another man’s advances and giving out her number...


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Why so defensive? I don't know it all, but I am just following your statements to their logical conclusion. You looked at that obese women and made a call that you aren't attracted to her. You made a sexual based assessment, no? If not, then how did you come to that conclusion?


"Some just attract more of your attention"??

Um no. 

I don't have to look at every woman as a physical object and whether or not I'd want to have sex with them.

With your rationale you're looking at your mom, if you have sisters, your aunts, nieces, etc as well.

Remember you said, "every" woman not some.

In my world I have boundaries and that means I don't even allow my mind to go there.

You might want to get some help because anyone that looks at their own mother is one sick puppy.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

sideways said:


> "Some just attract more of your attention"??
> 
> Um no.
> 
> ...


I'm talking about the very first time you meet someone, so doesn't apply to family. It is just part of the initial assessment we do when we meet someone knew. 

Again, how did you decide the obese women wasn't worth another thought if you didn't at least subconsciously perform some kind of assessment of her?


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I'm talking about the very first time you meet someone, so doesn't apply to family. It is just part of the initial assessment we do when we meet someone knew.
> 
> Again, how did you decide the obese women wasn't worth another thought if you didn't at least subconsciously perform some kind of assessment of her?


The same way I have mental boundaries with the women in my family, and friends wives, and countless other women. The example of an obese woman was just one example and maybe not the best. Just because you haven't been able to set these boundaries doesn't mean that others haven't.


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## NYCBILL (Nov 27, 2017)

*Update*: Sorry for the late reply to everyone but this thread has snowballed into a bunch of different discussions.

My wife was very open to hearing my concerns and immediately recognized that she had done something to break trust. She says that both her and this other man spoke extensively about their respective spouses and that it was understood that if they were to get together the other spouse would definitely be there. In her mind, it was not something even remotely close to being anything other than friendly. HOWEVER, she said she saw my side and made an appt with her therapist to understand better why she did it given our history, her historical lack of boundaries, and giving her number out to strangers is not a good policy all around. She understood it was a breach of trust, expressed remorse for making me have to re-live painful moments from our past, and deleted the number from her phone. 

I made it clear that this behavior would not be tolerated as part of what I need/expect from my marriage. But I also made it clear that if she feels the behavior was innocent and not a big deal, that is within her right, but I wouldn't be a part of a marriage that has that kind of latitude. She also says she needs "help" in feeling empowered to say "no" despite it being potentially awkward in situations like that. To which I said the man should know better and thus you saying no makes it clear that you are not available. She agreed, and again will take this up with her therapist.

To be clear, from the moment I found out that she had her little fling 4 years ago, to which I honestly believe it didn't go physical, I said that I would never ever let someone do that to me again. I will not be stepped on, I will not play 2nd fiddle to anyone else, I will not be with anyone who doesn't fully commit to what it takes to be in a relationship. As I mentioned in the beginning, she's done all the steps, read all the books, done the therapy, and will continue to go to therapy to figure her **** out. Is this a setback? Yes, but it's not enough for me to just walk away. People make dumb choices all the time, and she made one here. It's not enough for me to say F-it, and file for divorce.

There are exceptions to the rule, and despite everyone on this board 4 years ago telling me she physically cheated, she didn't and I believe it. I recovered every text message between them, every photo, and scrubbed her phone records. They didn't even talk on the phone. So while the odds suggest a PA happened, it didn't. Call my naive, call me whatever. 

I *was *blind and didn't want to believe what I was suspecting when it was happening 4 years. I had inklings that something was going on back then, but I couldn't mentally believe it. I didn't want to believe it, and thus I *did *get mowed over. My physical health declined, our kids suffered, and I was weak. That is 100% not the case today, and I would leave the marriage without a 2nd thought if I believed that anything nefarious was really going on here now and in the future.

She ****ed up, she's going to address it, and we'll hopefully move on. If she can't, if I can't, then she or I will end it. Marriage is a choice every single day. The moment I don't feel like our marriage is a priority, I'm gone. It's not a threat, but it's my reality and what I want out of a marriage. 

Thanks for everyone's thoughts, even those I disagreed with.


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## NorthernGuard (Jul 29, 2021)

NYCBILL said:


> *Update*:
> There are exceptions to the rule, and despite everyone on this board 4 years ago telling me she physically cheated, she didn't and I believe it. I recovered every text message between them, every photo, and scrubbed her phone records. They didn't even talk on the phone. So while the odds suggest a PA happened, it didn't. Call my naive, call me whatever.


I haven't read your old posts, but first thing that comes to my mind is burner phone. 

As for what went on now? With all the work you say she did after last time, her boundaries should have been rock solid, and this should have been an easy, no brainer for her to navigate. Your wife has been lightly tested and failed miserably. Looks like she's got more work to do on herself. Hopefully it takes this time.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

It’s your life and you get to live it as you please.

However, if you walk on the ledge you’re apt to fall off. Apparently your wife didn’t learn much above appropriate boundaries.



NYCBILL said:


> My wife was very open to hearing my concerns and immediately recognized that she had done something to break trust. She says that both her and this other man spoke extensively about their respective spouses and that it was understood that if they were to get together the other spouse would definitely be there. In her mind, it was not something even remotely close to being anything other than friendly. HOWEVER, she said she saw my side and made an appt with her therapist to understand better why she did it given our history, her historical lack of boundaries, and giving her number out to strangers is not a good policy all around. She understood it was a breach of trust, expressed remorse for making me have to re-live painful moments from our past, and deleted the number from her phone.


This doesn’t mean a thing. Most affairs start out innocent enough.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> Not denying some men like women their mother's age but most men go after younger women.


After i discovered this fine 26-27yr old thang at the club was really 14, i started looking for 10-15 yr older women. Until i found my wife at 3.5yrs my senior.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

She did not block his # just deleted contacr. He has her #. I would say that dog park is a no go as if he sees her he will aproach her.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

NYCBILL said:


> But I also made it clear that if she feels the behavior was innocent and not a big deal, that is within her right, but I wouldn't be a part of a marriage that has that kind of latitude.
> 
> The moment I don't feel like our marriage is a priority, I'm gone. It's not a threat, but it's my reality and what I want out of a marriage.


Thank you for your update, all of it.
Standing applauses for what is quoted above.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

i am wondering if everyone is just over-reacting to this. He sees her at the dog park. so obviously she is local. She has a husband, and he is married too. so they have some things, as couples, in common. maybe, just maybe, after years of Covid isolation, he and his wife are looking for new people to meet and have some fun with?
i would invite both of them over for drinks, or burgers on the back patio, and see if they are fun.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

NYCBILL said:


> Does the man want to **** my wife?


No married man asks a married woman for their phone number that they just met and think they might get dogs together for a play date. Get real.

Also, no married woman gives her phone number out to a strange man if she also isn't attracted to him. I'm not saying this doesn't happen, but since your wife is not trustworthy, I'd say she was feeling things out, maybe see if it goes somewhere other than a doggie playdate.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Some people just really like attention from the opposite sex. It's a built in need for them. The only way to thwart that need is to shut down these encounters and not even entertain them. Hard to do for naturally friendly people, and it's really easy for someone to just say "oh sure" and hand over a number or say a quick yes in the middle of friendly banter.

In your wife's case, she just has to be more shut down to men. Someone friendly says hello, just a quick hi and turn the other way. Instant someone gets a little too eager with texting or calling, even if for an innocent reason, you just have to get cold about it, or don't answer.

Because we've all seen it - some people are just naturally flirty when they talk. It invites more talking and sends a welcoming message. It may have innocent intentions but the recipient is getting signals that this is a positive interaction and it feels good, so they want more of it, even if not trying to cheat on their spouse. This is where slopes can get slippery.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Talker67 said:


> i am wondering if everyone is just over-reacting to this. He sees her at the dog park. so obviously she is local. She has a husband, and he is married too. so they have some things, as couples, in common. maybe, just maybe, after years of Covid isolation, he and his wife are looking for new people to meet and have some fun with?
> i would invite both of them over for drinks, or burgers on the back patio, and see if they are fun.


Man to man, woman to woman, I would agree. But when a woman who has had a previous affair gets a man's number, that's a different ballgame.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

NYCBILL said:


> She ****ed up, she's going to address it, and we'll hopefully move on. If she can't, if I can't, then she or I will end it. Marriage is a choice every single day. The moment I don't feel like our marriage is a priority, I'm gone. It's not a threat, but it's my reality and what I want out of a marriage.
> 
> Thanks for everyone's thoughts, even those I disagreed with.


Sounds good. But addressing it doesn't mean that they get together and have his wife and you there to keep the both of them honest.

Addressing it means calling the guy and tell him that its not a good idea at all and for him to delete her number and her to delete his.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Did you say her affair was 4 years long?
If so y I didn’t find everything and the chances of it not being physical are remote. This relates to your current question/problem because: Well, you’re still having to tell your wife what’s acceptable and what’s not with other men. She hasn’t learned a darn thing. And you haven’t either, honestly, because you still believe every word she says about what they talked about, in spite of it being illogical. 
guys just don’t end a conversation about spouses with “hey, what’s your number”.
I’m sorry, that just doesn’t happen. Better chance of getting struck by lightening, anyway.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Read your original thread from back in '17.

So after all of that, the hurt she caused, having to take a poly, losing friends etc etc and now this??

Your wife did NOT learn anything from her previous $hit and no this wouldn't go in the category of she did something stupid.

Is it worth walking away from? That's for you to decide. She's CLUELESS when it comes to having firm boundaries.


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Talker67 said:


> i am wondering if everyone is just over-reacting to this. He sees her at the dog park. so obviously she is local. She has a husband, and he is married too. so they have some things, as couples, in common. maybe, just maybe, after years of Covid isolation, he and his wife are looking for new people to meet and have some fun with?
> i would invite both of them over for drinks, or burgers on the back patio, and see if they are fun.


If that said stranger had asked her from the very start and with no ambiguity to let him talk first to her husband so he can "invite both of them over for drinks, or burgers on the back patio" I would think better about his agenda. 
And not otherwise.
May be the OP can tell us if that was what happened and he forgot to post. But I allow myself to doubt it.

If she never had betrayed her partner, I would also think the best about her concious intentions but not much better about her boundaries. But it´s not the case.

We can all hope the possible best but not necessarilly think it as very probable.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

NYCBILL said:


> *Update*: Sorry for the late reply to everyone but this thread has snowballed into a bunch of different discussions.
> 
> My wife was very open to hearing my concerns and immediately recognized that she had done something to break trust. She says that both her and this other man spoke extensively about their respective spouses and that it was understood that if they were to get together the other spouse would definitely be there. In her mind, it was not something even remotely close to being anything other than friendly. HOWEVER, she said she saw my side and made an appt with her therapist to understand better why she did it given our history, her historical lack of boundaries, and giving her number out to strangers is not a good policy all around. She understood it was a breach of trust, expressed remorse for making me have to re-live painful moments from our past, and deleted the number from her phone.
> 
> ...


Bravo man! You didn't waste anytime addressing the problem and got the resolution you wanted. It is good that your wife was receptive, that is a great sign in my opinion, and I agree it would have been a major over reaction to leave over this. The only exception would have been if she really got defensive and pushed back, then it would have been a sign of a bigger problem. I am so glad to hear you got this worked out. Good luck into the future!


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

Divinely Favored said:


> She did not block his # just deleted contacr. He has her #. I would say that dog park is a no go as if he sees her he will aproach her.


I don't know - I think if she is an adult, she can go to the dog park and upon seeing him tell him it wasn't right to give him her number and ask him to delete it. Then go the other way with her dog.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

sideways said:


> The same way I have mental boundaries with the women in my family, and friends wives, and countless other women. The example of an obese woman was just one example and maybe not the best. Just because you haven't been able to set these boundaries doesn't mean that others haven't.


Having a thought cross your mind about something you would never act on is a very common human characteristic. I did say from the start I don't speak for all men. However, I don't think you are being completely honest with yourself. I'm not saying we are all sex crazed men waiting to pounce on anything that moves. Every time you meet someone you do a mental assessment of them, including how attractive they are. It is your first impression of them. Have you never walked by an amazingly beautiful woman in a miniskirt and thought, "wow she is gorgeous"? Of course you have. You do the same assessment when you see the obese woman, or any "good" or "bad" looking person. It is quick, but some stick around in your mind longer. Didn't you have that kind of reaction with your wife the first time you met? Didn't you at least think, "wow, she is pretty"?

Good article about why this happens and that it is okay.









Why men can't - and shouldn't - stop staring at women


Ian Brown wrestles with an irresistible urge to watch the girls go by




www.theglobeandmail.com


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Here's the problem. If a normal spouse is half-an-hour late from work the reaction of their spouse is: "Oh, no! I hope they are OK?"
However, if a former cheating spouse is half-an-hour late from work the reaction of their spouse is: "Oh, no! I wonder if they are cheating on me again?"


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

Gabriel said:


> I don't know - I think if she is an adult, she can go to the dog park and upon seeing him tell him it wasn't right to give him her number and ask him to delete it. Then go the other way with her dog.


She was also an adult when she gave him his number instead of declining to do it and "Then go the other way with her dog".
She was also an adult when she betrayed her partner instead of making the opposite choice.
In both cases was her partner the one out of scene.
Being her an adult, why should she do it for a third time?


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Having a thought cross your mind about something you would never act on is a very common human characteristic. I did say from the start I don't speak for all men. However, I don't think you are being completely honest with yourself. I'm not saying we are all sex crazed men waiting to pounce on anything that moves. Every time you meet someone you do a mental assessment of them, including how attractive they are. It is your first impression of them. Have you never walked by an amazingly beautiful woman in a miniskirt and thought, "wow she is gorgeous"? Of course you have. You do the same assessment when you see the obese woman, or any "good" or "bad" looking person. It is quick, but some stick around in your mind longer. Didn't you have that kind of reaction with your wife the first time you met? Didn't you at least think, "wow, she is pretty"?
> 
> Good article about why this happens and that it is okay.
> 
> ...


It's one thing assessing how attractive a woman is and another thing altogether on whether or not you allow your mind to go thinking about if you'd have sex with a woman.

So you'd think about having sex with your SIL?

I wouldn't and a lot of the stuff you'd consider is pretty gross. If that makes me different so be it but NOT everyone thinks like you.


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Good for you @NYCBILL I think you handled it very well and I agree with your decision. As I said earlier I thought is was a good sign that she came straight home and told you about the encounter. Yes, she should have never given him her number, but I think it was a positive that she told you about it. I also think it was a good sign that she saw it from your eyes and point of view. Best of luck!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

sideways said:


> It's one thing assessing how attractive a woman is and another thing altogether on whether or not you allow your mind to go thinking about if you'd have sex with a woman.
> 
> So you'd think about having sex with your SIL?
> 
> I wouldn't and a lot of the stuff you'd consider is pretty gross. If that makes me different so be it but NOT everyone thinks like you.


I would hazard a guess that the first time I met any of my SILs I went through that assessment process. Part of the process is realizing a sexual relationship wouldn't be appropriate, but it still happened. I didn't dwell on them and have the thought movie of me having sex with them. You seem so personally insulted by my point of view, I don't get it. 

I bet Mr. Dogwalker saw the wife and thought "wow, she's pretty and kind of sexy, oooh and she's got a dog!" For you or I that thought may have lasted a whole half second and any conversation would be a cordial meeting of two strangers with a common interest and we would have move on. For Mr Dogwalker I bet he took it to the next step, thinking, " wonder what kind of shot I've got with her?" He played his game and won a phone number. It is what you do with that fleeting thought that makes the difference between a good and a bad person.


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

BigDaddyNY said:


> I would hazard a guess that the first time I met any of my SILs I went through that assessment process. Part of the process is realizing a sexual relationship wouldn't be appropriate, but it still happened. I didn't dwell on them and have the thought movie of me having sex with them. You seem so personally insulted by my point of view, I don't get it.
> 
> I bet Mr. Dogwalker saw the wife and thought "wow, she's pretty and kind of sexy, oooh and she's got a dog!" For you or I that thought may have lasted a whole half second and any conversation would be a cordial meeting of two strangers with a common interest and we would have move on. For Mr Dogwalker I bet he took it to the next step, thinking, " wonder what kind of shot I've got with her?" He played his game and won a phone number. It is what you do with that fleeting thought that makes the difference between a good and a bad person.


I think you’re wasting your time and mental energy here dude, you seem to have hit on some kind of white knight/emotional/ego invested/self image/narcissistic fantasy -type issue here. It’s not a rational, open conversation. Nothing to gain here.

Besides, mr. dogwalker isn’t the problem anyway. Maybe he’s a scoundrel, maybe he was just practicing or playing catch-and-release. Who cares, doesn’t matter.
The only addressable problem here is the wife who failed to say “no I don’t meet up with other men and I don’t give out my number.”


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Wife’s Encounter With Man on a Walk sounds like the title of a painting or something. 🤔


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

I didn't read the backstory from '17 concerning OPs trust issues with the wife...

I can't imagine a scenario where you live your life worrying about this...Life is hard enough already, with all kinds of crap to keep you up at night, this would just be too much for me to deal with, and I don't want to scold a mate like a child over what they do...

Id be out....but that's me...


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

hamadryad said:


> I didn't read the backstory from '17 concerning OPs trust issues with the wife...
> 
> I can't imagine a scenario where you live your life worrying about this...Life is hard enough already, with all kinds of crap to keep you up at night, this would just be too much for me to deal with, and I don't want to scold a mate like a child over what they do...
> 
> Id be out....but that's me...


I thought something similar. The trust will never return after a major breach. I can't imagine having to worry about my wife every time she walks the dog, goes to the store, work, etc. It must be emotionally exhausting.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

ccpowerslave said:


> Wife’s Encounter With Man on a Walk sounds like the title of a painting or something. 🤔


or the beginning of Dear Penhouse, i never thought this would ever happen to me....lol


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Interesting that it went from just exchanging numbers quickly in passing to having “extensively discussed each other’s spouses”.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

jjj858 said:


> Interesting that it went from just exchanging numbers quickly in passing to having “extensively discussed each other’s spouses”.


Well, if I came home and told husband that I met a great guy at the park and we exchanged phone numbers so that the four of us could get together and watch our dogs play, he would look at me as if I had two heads.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Captain Obvious said:


> Sometimes people are just looking for a hook-up. They don’t care how old the person is, just as long as they are attractive, that’s all there is to it.


Yes, there are those who do that.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Ashton Kutcher is a rich actor. He doesn’t need Demi’s money.


They are only one example of countless others. Take Madonna for example. Always with some young unheard of guy.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

ElwoodPDowd said:


> I wouldn't really call women aged 30-35 years old 'very young'.


Depends how old you are.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

It's an unusual story, but I could definitely see where something like this could happen. But there is more to this story. I don't think she just stumbled across this guy. I don't buy it and OP should not either. 

However, when there is mutual attraction between two people things can escalate quickly if both want it to. I literally had a torrid one-week romance about five years ago. I met a woman sitting in the waiting area at a bank, got to talking and I asked her out that same hour. I went out with her that night, and the next day we were flying to a three-day stay in Vegas. A hot f-fest ensued, and when the weekend was over we flew back, said goodbye when we arrived at the airport, and I never saw her again. It happens.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

ArthurGPym said:


> It's an unusual story, but I could definitely see where something like this could happen. But there is more to this story. I don't think she just stumbled across this guy. I don't buy it and OP should not either.
> 
> However, when there is mutual attraction between two people things can escalate quickly if both want it to. I literally had a torrid one-week romance about five years ago. I met a woman sitting in the waiting area at a bank, got to talking and I asked her out that same hour. I went out with her that night, and the next day we were flying to a three-day stay in Vegas. A hot f-fest ensued, and when the weekend was over we flew back, said goodbye when we arrived at the airport, and I never saw her again. It happens.


Wow, mr smooth operator. So the spontaneous month long Spain trip was not out of the ordinary for you. 

OP’s last update was promising but also disturbing. They discussed their spouses extensively? WTF. She ran into some dude while walking the dog and was engaging in such private talk and giving up the digits? That must have been one LONG walk. I fear your wife gives off a vibe of being potentially available.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

Why in the world would my wife be discussing me to some strange man she's never met ESPECIALLY if she had past issues like OP did???


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## No Longer Lonely Husband (Nov 3, 2015)

I sense there may be other events in addition to what OP has alluded to. I glean from the posts she has very poor boundaries.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Diana7 said:


> They are only one example of countless others. Take Madonna for example. Always with some young unheard of guy.


Didn’t you just prove my point with that example?? SMH


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

Diana7 said:


> They are only one example of countless others. Take Madonna for example. Always with some young unheard of guy.


You really think those guys pursued Madonna and not the other way around?

Also Madonna has been with many successful men her age, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Dennis Rodman just to name a few.


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## ArthurGPym (Jun 28, 2021)

jsmart said:


> Wow, mr smooth operator. So the spontaneous month long Spain trip was not out of the ordinary for you.


Yeah but having a loving wife and partner is something I wish for.


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## Gabriel (May 10, 2011)

jsmart said:


> I fear your wife gives off a vibe of being potentially available.


This


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## ElOtro (Apr 4, 2021)

jsmart said:


> I fear your wife gives off a vibe of being potentially available.





Gabriel said:


> This



This.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I'm arriving a little late to the party but just wanted to throw out there that I have been walking dogs for over 25 years and have never once asked for the phone number of some random chick walking a dog no matter how hot she was. 

And if I were to ask for number and try to strike up any kind of rapport with her, it would be to score some legs over my shoulders. 

And any woman that is old enough to have grown boobies has had men approach her and hit on her and try to schmooze her legs over their shoulders almost every day. 

Let's not see smoke and flames here and tell ourselves it's just the neighbor's cigar we're smelling from down the street. Where there is smoke, there is fire and this fire is burning brightly right in front of you. Let's not pretend it is something all together different than what it obviously is. 

Now I am not saying they leashed the dogs up outside their room at the No-Tell-Motel that night. But I am saying lets recognize men for what they are and women for what they are. He was trying to get in her knickers and she knew that. 

Let's start there and accept that for what that is.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You really think those guys pursued Madonna and not the other way around?
> 
> Also Madonna has been with many successful men her age, Sean Penn, Warren Beatty, Dennis Rodman just to name a few.


Yes I think that many much younger people will persue a far older person if they are rich and famous.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> I'm arriving a little late to the party but just wanted to throw out there that I have been walking dogs for over 25 years and have never once asked for the phone number of some random chick walking a dog no matter how hot she was.
> 
> And if I were to ask for number and try to strike up any kind of rapport with her, it would be to score some legs over my shoulders.
> 
> ...


Almost every day?? Where do these women all hang out??


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Yes I think that many much younger people will persue a far older person if they are rich and famous.


I have seen men pursue much older women. Not really for a relationship but for fun. If it wasn't the case "cougars" would never have any takers.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Diana7 said:


> Almost every day?? Where do these women all hang out??


Maybe it's a cultural difference. My wife gets hit on plenty. My niece doesn't want to go shopping because she gets asked for her number far too often. Unfortunately it is a thing here.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Diana7 said:


> Almost every day?? Where do these women all hang out??


i used to take my dog to the local dog park, and INDEED there are the usual soccer moms all standing around every day talking. Often there are guys there too culling one or two out for more private talking.

it really was more about meeting up with regulars there, than in giving your dog a romp! 

after a while, i could not take it anymore. I was there to give my dog some fun, and that was it.

i think these people MAKE time for it. either because they need the social interaction, OR something more nefarious


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I've been off this board for a while.

The thing that I noticed first was Bill's wife admitted to talking extensivley about her marriage to a complete stranger. First red flag. 
Giving her contact info is red flag #2.

I have to admit that my own wife sometimes lets her mouth run away and shares to much personal information that she should not. I have called her on it for years to no avail.


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## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

TDSC60 said:


> I've been off this board for a while.
> 
> The thing that I noticed first was Bill's wife admitted to talking extensivley about her marriage to a complete stranger. First red flag.
> Giving her contact info is red flag #2.
> ...


My wife does the same thing. She’ll start sharing unnecessarily personal details with people and I’m standing there giving her the death glare hoping she’ll see me and shut up. Usually ends up as a “did you really have to bring that up?” conversation on the ride home.


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## Kamstel2 (Feb 24, 2020)

Bill,
Just wanted to check in and see how you and the wife are doing. Hope you are doing well.
Hang in there.
And sorry about the Jets and Giants


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## HappilyMarried1 (Jul 21, 2021)

Hey @NYCBILL just seeing how everything was going. How did you wife visit with her IC go? Has she seen the guy out with the dog again, or has he tried to contact her? Hope things are going well.


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