# He doesn’t love me as much as I love him



## Tberry

My husband and I have been married almost 10 years (anniversary is in 1 month). He has cheated on me twice in the last two years. The first time was 2 years ago when he was out of state for a job for 2 months. He said he was drunk in a bar and had sex with someone and immediately regretted it. While packing for our vacation in March I found in the suitcase 2 condoms (guessing from a 3 pack) and a bottle of lube. This was planned sex. You don’t stop at Walmart for lube and condoms if you are drunk. He had plenty of time to think about what he was doing while he was paying for his sex accessories. He still hasn’t explained it because “I don’t want to hear it”. The second time was an affair last summer with a woman 10 years older and the complete opposite of me. Where I am a jeans, t-shirt and sneakers kind of girl, she was a heels, fake nails, make up to the 9s, dresses, ect.. high maintenance type of woman. This was more involved and stemmed from an EA to a PA. I kicked him out of the house and he stayed with her for a week or so before he realized how stupid he was and begged to come back and work on our marriage. I didn’t find out about the first sex affair until we started discussing the current one. (I found the condoms and lube after I already knew, but that just solidified it) So he kept it from me for over a year. I am still extremely hurt from these affairs, but he feels I need to let it go because I forgave him and agreed to work on us. I have done my best to not think about what he did. Recently he became facebook friends with another woman (another customer he sees at work, just like the older woman). She is another high maintenance beautiful woman. He has brought her up in conversation before, and said she’s a lesbian, etc. Just someone he has a short conversation with when he sees her (on a daily basis). I brought up how I feel threatened by her, and immediately he gets on the defense about me accusing him of cheating again, etc... I didn’t accuse him, all I did was tell him what was on my mind when he asked what was wrong. He could tell something was bothering me. He swears he isn’t interested in her, it’s just day to day mundane conversations. She runs a small family business and her dad was recently hospitalized with a heart condition similar to what my husband had done, so they talk about that, and other random things. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Even though I have no reason to really trust him yet.

So because I brought this up it turned into a huge argument about how he’s not going to live his life watching over his shoulder. He’s going to do what he wants and doesn’t care about how I feel about it. He said he wants a divorce, he’s never going to live the affairs down and doesn’t want to be accused like this the rest of his life. He fails to realize it hasn’t even been a year since he left me for the older woman. Yes, I did forgive him and by doing that I suppose he expected me to move on. But there are still triggers, like when he starts talking to these ‘types’ of women. He told me he still loves me, but isn’t in love with me anymore. Same thing he said last year on D day. So after working hard for 8 months, going to counseling together, giving it everything I have, keeping my mouth shut about anything bothering me about his infidelities, it still isn’t enough. He wanted me to be more affectionate and “wifey”. I’ve done both. I even had boudoir photos taken for his anniversary present. (And I have never felt sexy in my life, but I posed in lingerie for these photos and they actually look great, but he hasn’t seen them yet. It was supposed to be a surprise but I told him yesterday out of anger that I got them done and he told me to save them for the next guy-seriously) He told me yesterday what I already knew. He doesn’t love me as much as I love him. And I must really love him to put up with everything he’s done. He told me that our relationship is the worst one he’s ever had. You can imagine how that crushed me. I was in the bathroom most of the day yesterday just crying. 

He can’t move out yet, our finances won’t allow it. So he said he’s gonna start saving money from his paychecks until he has enough to leave. Then I’m on my own. As the day went on, he starts saying he’s not sure what he wants to do. I think he’s just scared to live on his own. He’d have to start completely over with a new place, buy his own groceries, cook, do his own laundry, run his own errands, pay his own bills, ect. Everything that I do for him. I really think he just wants me to keep taking care of him and in turn he’ll pretend that everything is ok, or pretend to be in love with me to satisfy me. 

I know I deserve better. I know eventually I could find someone who loves me as much as I love them. I can survive on my own, the only thing that worries me is finances. He would have to pay child support, we have 2 kids. It would be tight, but I think it’s doable. He just texted me this morning and asked if I want to work on this or call it quits. How do you call it quits when you still love someone? How do you walk away from your life and husband of 10 years? He was the one who wanted to leave, now he wants to work on it? Again? But he’s not in love with me? I’m so confused, hurt, angry, sad, disappointed and very emotional right now. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to stick it out, see if he’s really gonna change and the other part just wants him gone so I can move on with my life. He broke my heart more than once. I don’t think I have it in me to keep doing this. Maybe I just slowly detach while stashing money on the side. I just feel defeated. Thanks for listening (or reading). 


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## farsidejunky

Defensiveness? Wanting space?

My money is this is a budding or active affair...making it his third.

However, even if I am wrong, does he have any room to be defensive? Does he have the discipline to handle opposite sex friends? 

No to both. 

He will never stop cheating. Never.


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## Aurelie

If he was really remorseful and wanted to save your marriage he'd worship the ground you walk on and be kissing your ass. He doesn't want to put in the years of work it takes to recover from infidelity. He's not worth your time or effort. I'm not going to say to leave him because I'm in a crappy situation myself and haven't left, finances also play a large role. 

He should be doing everything he can to help you. Not rug sweep and move on.

And if I can say, he seems to know more about that woman than he should. The new "lesbian" woman.


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## Herschel

He just wants you to raise the kids, not pay support while he bangs other chicks. These probably aren't the only two, they are just the ones you know of. Get out, move on and find someone else.


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## Steve1000

Tberry said:


> I know I deserve better. I know eventually I could find someone who loves me as much as I love them. I can survive on my own, the only thing that worries me is finances. He would have to pay child support, we have 2 kids. It would be tight, but I think it’s doable. He just texted me this morning and asked if I want to work on this or call it quits. How do you call it quits when you still love someone? How do you walk away from your life and husband of 10 years? He was the one who wanted to leave, now he wants to work on it? Again? But he’s not in love with me? I’m so confused, hurt, angry, sad, disappointed and very emotional right now. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to stick it out, see if he’s really gonna change and the other part just wants him gone so I can move on with my life. He broke my heart more than once. I don’t think I have it in me to keep doing this. Maybe I just slowly detach while stashing money on the side. I just feel defeated. Thanks for listening (or reading).


The good news is that this case that there is zero chance that you'll later regret leaving this marriage. Many of us sometimes wonder if our spouse really loves us. Your husband made it clear several times. When people admit something, believe them. While leaving is a painful decision, it should also be an easy decision on your part.


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## NoChoice

OP,
You're married to a boy in man's clothing. He vacillates so much because his thoughts are chaotic, like that of a boy. When he is angry he is ready to leave and be gone but later, when his stomach growls, he wants mom to make him dinner. I truly regret having to say this but if you "work on things" that translates into "be my support and my maid while I have fun". The chances of him changing are less than you winning the lottery. Therefore, it would be more prudent for you to play the lottery so that when you win you will have the resources to kick him out. If you think that sounds like a long shot, it has a higher probability of happening than him changing.


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## Jessica38

Tberry said:


> My husband and I have been married almost 10 years (anniversary is in 1 month). *He has cheated on me twice in the last two years.* The first time was 2 years ago when he was out of state for a job for 2 months. He said he was drunk in a bar and had sex with someone and immediately regretted it. While packing for our vacation in March I found in the suitcase 2 condoms (guessing from a 3 pack) and a bottle of lube. This was planned sex. You don’t stop at Walmart for lube and condoms if you are drunk. He had plenty of time to think about what he was doing while he was paying for his sex accessories. He still hasn’t explained it because “I don’t want to hear it”. *The second time was an affair last summer with a woman 10 years older and the complete opposite of me. *Where I am a jeans, t-shirt and sneakers kind of girl, she was a heels, fake nails, make up to the 9s, dresses, ect.. high maintenance type of woman. This was more involved and stemmed from an EA to a PA. *I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Even though I have no reason to really trust him yet.*
> 
> Why are you giving a cheater the benefit of the doubt? This is why he does not respect you- you are willing to allow him to treat you this way. You are Option B and that is HIGHLY unattractive.
> 
> *So because I brought this up it turned into a huge argument about how he’s not going to live his life watching over his shoulder*.
> 
> Then you refuse to live in a marriage where you are forced to constantly look over yours.
> 
> He can’t move out yet, our finances won’t allow it.
> That's for him to figure out. It's no longer your problem. It stopped being your problem the minute he broke your wedding vows and betrayed you and your children and lied to you about it.
> 
> I know I deserve better. I know eventually I could find someone who loves me as much as I love them. I can survive on my own, the only thing that worries me is finances. He would have to pay child support, we have 2 kids. It would be tight, but I think it’s doable. He just texted me this morning and asked if I want to work on this or call it quits. How do you call it quits when you still love someone? How do you walk away from your life and husband of 10 years? He was the one who wanted to leave, now he wants to work on it? Again? But he’s not in love with me? I’m so confused, hurt, angry, sad, disappointed and very emotional right now. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to stick it out, see if he’s really gonna change and the other part just wants him gone so I can move on with my life. He broke my heart more than once. I don’t think I have it in me to keep doing this. Maybe I just slowly detach while stashing money on the side. I just feel defeated. Thanks for listening (or reading).
> 
> NO!!!! You talk to an attorney TODAY and file for a legal separation and you get this abusive man out of your home immediately. You refuse ALL contact with him and have him go through an intermediary that you set up to communicate childcare logistics and finances only. He may only have access to you once he's proven he has his hat in hand and has completed a checklist of conditions to take a polygraph, end all contact with OW, and implemented extraordinary precautions to eliminate the chances of another affair ever again. ONLY then will you even consider talking with him again and recovering the marriage, if you want that.
> 
> Please stop letting him call the shots. You need to heal and you can't do that in this abusive situation.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## aine

Tberry, how are you and what have you done about your situation to date? I agree with all the posters here, this man is not marriage material and no matter what you do, he will cheat on you again, he has shown you who he is. There is no point in wasting any more of your precious life on this one. YOu will find someone who has the love, care and respect for you to treat you well and not cheat on you.
Stop caring about how he feels, start focusing on yourself, make it all about you and the kids from here on out.


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## SunCMars

He stays for the green. 
The green in his wallet and in your' joint bank account.

He should be staying for the red.
A red blooded wife who is so forgiving of his trespasses.
The red blood in his children. He risks their happiness for short term sexual release and kibbles from another women.

He is an opportunist. A lazy one, at that.
If the opportunity pops up and he can get a little side-action, he will go for it.

He is a drifter.
He drifts in and out of the marriage.

He is putting the minimum into your marriage.

Let him go, let him flounder.

Financially flounder, flounder physically when his [new and coming] diet and life style prematurely age him. 

He has peaked..... 
He is is no tall mountain.
He is no Pikes Peak. 
He is no hill. 

No, his is a bump on a skinny, fallen pine tree.


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## katiecrna

He's just trying to take advantage of your kindness and continue to manipulate you. He doesn't want a divorce because of the mess it brings, he wants the comfort of a wife that will take care of his kids; make his life easier, and he won't have to lose his money. 
He wants to stay married to you, but manipulate you into letting him continue to do whatever he wants. He will pull the marriage card, the trust card, he will spin it around on you and to make you leave him alone so he can continue to cheat and do whatever he wants. The reality is... if he was really trying to make the marriage work he would do whatever it takes to make YOU feel secure. Getting rid of Facebook, no secrets, complete openness, no hiding his phone or texts. 

He knows what he HAS to do to stay in the marriage but he doesn't want to do it. He will do what looks like the bare minimum just so you can take him back. He will put the guilt and blame on you. He sounds like a terrible, toxic person.


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## Emerging Buddhist

He has shown you who he is... and @farsidejunky is spot on identifying the discipline hurdle that you will struggle with unless you see his ability to understand why he is how he is.

If he won't put forth the effort to understand this in himself, your boundaries are the only thing you control. 

You say you "know" you deserve better but it doesn't sound like you "accept" you deserve better... one of the two will lead action.


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## 25MLC

IMO, he is far more likely to change without the cushion of not having to.

In other words, by letting him go, you may be doing 2 things at once. You will probably be increasing the chance of genuine change in him, and you will also be increasing the chance of YOU getting on your own 2 feet and moving forward, towards healing yourself.

I worry you won't be able to heal while staying together. You were not before, so what would be different now?

So far, He's shown no ability to "own" his mistakes, or change. He won't give you transparency or earn back the trust that is understandably missing. Let him see that the grass is greener where you water it the most.

How old is he and how old are you?


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## Cradleoffilth75

I'm just trying to get to grips with my wife that has had an affair for the last 3.5 years. But he has not learnt from him 1st affair and gone for his 2nd. Imo there is no coming back from that. He likes the excitement the chase and that's a drug to these mfs. 
I'm sorry to say it, but you need a better man in your life. It's going to be hard and your going to be scared. You deserve better. 
I'm coming to terms with my wife and after 2 months of knowing I'm not beginning to see the light. The help you get in here is amazing, from people that it has already happened to. I was told that I needed to tell the other mans wife, when I did it was a massive sense of relief, this had been building up for ages.
As for your kids, they will bounce back get used to the new life. If all about you now not him. He fu&ked up twice, he is making you look a fool. Why would anyone do that to the person that they LOVE! Simple answer, they don't! 
Stay strong.

Cradle


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## EleGirl

How can you leave when you love him?

Because you don't really love him. Let me explain. You love the man you though he was. You love the man you think he could be. Do you really love the man who cheats on you? Do you really love the man who disrespects you? Of course you do not. The man you love does not exist. He's a figment of your imagination that you superimpose on that guy who is treating you very badly.

So take the image you have of the man that you love... your 'mr perfect' and leave the man who mistreats you.

You feelings of love that you have misplaced on your husband will not fade until you have left him and are away from him for a while. As long as you stay with him, you will be confused.

Look at the link in my signature block below for the 180. That is how you need to interact with him from here on out. This will help you start with withdraw from him and get the emotional strength you need to leave.


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## EleGirl

Tberry said:


> He can’t move out yet, our finances won’t allow it. So he said he’s gonna start saving money from his paychecks until he has enough to leave. Then I’m on my own. As the day went on, he starts saying he’s not sure what he wants to do. I think he’s just scared to live on his own. He’d have to start completely over with a new place, buy his own groceries, cook, do his own laundry, run his own errands, pay his own bills, ect. Everything that I do for him. I really think he just wants me to keep taking care of him and in turn he’ll pretend that everything is ok, or pretend to be in love with me to satisfy me.


*Pay his own bills*... does this mean that you support him financially? Or are you saying that you just take care of the task of bill paying using his and your money?

Do the 180 as I suggest in my above post.

Then stop doing things for him.

Stop buying groceries for him. Only shop and cook for yourself.
Stop doing he errands... you are not his errands gal.
Stop doing his laundry... Just let his laundry pile up. He will learn to do his own laundry when he needs stuff.

About paying bills... well that depends on the answer to the above question about if your pay the bills out of your money only, or mostly.

He's big boy. He can move out right now. Does he have family? How about friends? Can he move in with some women he's cheating with? Why not? He could rent one room somewhere.

Are you still sleeping in the same bed with him? If so, make him go sleep somewhere else... even if it's on the floor, back yard... down the street. 

where he lives now is not your concern. You need to embrace that and tell him to get out. (legally you cannot kick him out until the divorce is final. But you can always just ask him to leave.)


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## Tberry

Thank you everybody for your words and advice. I wanted to update, and hopefully get some more help. Since posting this we agreed to a divorce. He has a new girlfriend (no surprise) and was set to move out July 1st. He left yesterday. The last month has been pure hell for me. I came to realize that I don't in fact love him like I thought I did. I was still clinging to the old man he used to be. He began lashing out at me every chance he got. Calling me a wh*re, saying I'm worthless, a bad mother, he'll take the kids, he won't pay any support until the court orders it so I will be homeless, a homeless wh*re, I'm a dogface loser who needs a make over, just anything and everything he could think of to be cruel to me, he did. Along with throwing his new girlfriend in my face. So on Sunday I happened to meet a man. We instantly hit it off and have an amazing connection with a lot in common. I've been texting and talking to him all week, he makes me smile. All we are doing is talking. Well he got wind of it and now all of a sudden he's crying in tears saying he doesn't want to leave, he'll change, he wants to stay, blah blah blah. He has been talking to a therapist and she has said he doesn't know how to handle his emotions, which is why he goes to anger every time. He said he knows now what he did to me is so wrong. Too little too late. I have detached myself from him and feel nothing. He is a ball of tears on the floor in front of me and I feel nothing. I don't want him here anymore. He keeps insisting he will change, I'm the love of his life, and how can I break up our family. Typical blame shifting and guilt tripping. I'm not falling for it. I can't get it through to him that I don't want to do this anymore. He has had way to many chances and has blown them all. And he still has his girlfriend, who he says he'll give up in a heartbeat if I take him back. I don't want him back. I just want him to back off and leave me alone and stop texting and calling me begging. I don't know what else to tell him other than there's too much bad blood between us, I have nothing left to give, I don't feel anything anymore and I accepted that we are divorcing and am ready to move on with my life and find someone who will treat me the way I need and deserve. He says he can do that for me. Even if he did change (unlikely) and can give me the world, I don't want it from him. My love is gone. He is now just the father of my kids to me. 

How can I make it clear to him that I am done without sounding like a cold hearted *itch? He needs to talk to the therapist more. He is hurting and crying because he knows he blew it and lost his family. And I don't really feel bad about it. I don't feel anything for him anymore. I completely detached from him, but he doesn't believe me when I tell him I did. I don't know what else to say to him at this point to get it across that I don't want him back.

Admin, feel free to move to the divorce and separation section if you feel necessary. We are no longer reconciling.


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## Tberry

EleGirl said:


> *Pay his own bills*... does this mean that you support him financially? Or are you saying that you just take care of the task of bill paying using his and your money?


I mean I take care of the task of bill paying using both our paychecks. But I only have mine now anyway because he left.


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## Satya

Just tell him the truth, in an emotionless, matter-of-fact way. Play it on repeat until he gets it. 

Make it hard for him to talk or engage with you. Go out and do things. You need to be busy with getting your future set, nor worrying yourself with being mean to your ex. 

I was as you were with my ex H. He was emotionally draining to the very end and I was nothing but kind and accommodating. F that. It took me getting away and healing myself to realize I will only be nice to people who truly deserve it and if I don't know them well enough to decide, I'm polite and diplomatic until I do. I am a wildly different person in terms of how I handle and relate to all people now. 

You can be diplomatic and still be honest about your feelings.


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## Vinnydee

You are what is called a safety net. If things do not work out with another woman, he has a roof over his head and food to eat.


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## Herschel

Just to let you know, you are probably too soon from separation to get into any meaningful relationship. Maybe it could work, but this would likely be a rebound for you. 

However, regarding you ex. Tell him if he doesn't stop texting you and begging for you back, you will send these screen shots to his gf. Don't say it meanly, just inform him in a way like, "his has to stop. We are done. Your girlfriend wouldn't like knowing you were trying to get back with me and drop her like that." Press that angle...


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## Ghost Rider

I'm surprised you are worried about coming off nicely to him, although I do understand. He was not worried about being nice to you, though, until you said you were leaving him. I was thinking more along the lines of calling the police and getting a restraining order.


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## KevinZX

Once a cheater always a cheater, he will never learn. Point of this post is to make you realise something you already know, he is no good for you, whether you believe him or not he will always cheat on you maybe after a year or two, he is a serial cheater, he needs to work on his own self esteem, big time. Being with a woman that loves you deeply and completely must be the best thing for a man, but too many thing this a spring board to having EMA's as the good wife will always be their for them when the falter. Anniversaries are tough when only one partner is interested, another alarm bell ringing, do the right thing for you and your kids, dump this man you love no matter how tough the going gets, better to be alone than always in pain.
Love and Peace always.
KevinZX


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## aine

Tberry said:


> My husband and I have been married almost 10 years (anniversary is in 1 month). He has cheated on me twice in the last two years. The first time was 2 years ago when he was out of state for a job for 2 months. He said he was drunk in a bar and had sex with someone and immediately regretted it. While packing for our vacation in March I found in the suitcase 2 condoms (guessing from a 3 pack) and a bottle of lube. This was planned sex. You don’t stop at Walmart for lube and condoms if you are drunk. He had plenty of time to think about what he was doing while he was paying for his sex accessories. He still hasn’t explained it because “I don’t want to hear it”. The second time was an affair last summer with a woman 10 years older and the complete opposite of me. Where I am a jeans, t-shirt and sneakers kind of girl, she was a heels, fake nails, make up to the 9s, dresses, ect.. high maintenance type of woman. This was more involved and stemmed from an EA to a PA. I kicked him out of the house and he stayed with her for a week or so before he realized how stupid he was and begged to come back and work on our marriage. I didn’t find out about the first sex affair until we started discussing the current one. (I found the condoms and lube after I already knew, but that just solidified it) So he kept it from me for over a year. I am still extremely hurt from these affairs, but he feels I need to let it go because I forgave him and agreed to work on us. I have done my best to not think about what he did. Recently he became facebook friends with another woman (another customer he sees at work, just like the older woman). She is another high maintenance beautiful woman. He has brought her up in conversation before, and said she’s a lesbian, etc. Just someone he has a short conversation with when he sees her (on a daily basis). I brought up how I feel threatened by her, and immediately he gets on the defense about me accusing him of cheating again, etc... I didn’t accuse him, all I did was tell him what was on my mind when he asked what was wrong. He could tell something was bothering me. He swears he isn’t interested in her, it’s just day to day mundane conversations. She runs a small family business and her dad was recently hospitalized with a heart condition similar to what my husband had done, so they talk about that, and other random things. I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt on this one. Even though I have no reason to really trust him yet.
> 
> So because I brought this up it turned into a huge argument about how he’s not going to live his life watching over his shoulder. He’s going to do what he wants and doesn’t care about how I feel about it. He said he wants a divorce, he’s never going to live the affairs down and doesn’t want to be accused like this the rest of his life. He fails to realize it hasn’t even been a year since he left me for the older woman. Yes, I did forgive him and by doing that I suppose he expected me to move on. But there are still triggers, like when he starts talking to these ‘types’ of women. He told me he still loves me, but isn’t in love with me anymore. Same thing he said last year on D day. So after working hard for 8 months, going to counseling together, giving it everything I have, keeping my mouth shut about anything bothering me about his infidelities, it still isn’t enough. He wanted me to be more affectionate and “wifey”. I’ve done both. I even had boudoir photos taken for his anniversary present. (And I have never felt sexy in my life, but I posed in lingerie for these photos and they actually look great, but he hasn’t seen them yet. It was supposed to be a surprise but I told him yesterday out of anger that I got them done and he told me to save them for the next guy-seriously) He told me yesterday what I already knew. He doesn’t love me as much as I love him. And I must really love him to put up with everything he’s done. He told me that our relationship is the worst one he’s ever had. You can imagine how that crushed me. I was in the bathroom most of the day yesterday just crying.
> 
> He can’t move out yet, our finances won’t allow it. So he said he’s gonna start saving money from his paychecks until he has enough to leave. Then I’m on my own. As the day went on, he starts saying he’s not sure what he wants to do. I think he’s just scared to live on his own. He’d have to start completely over with a new place, buy his own groceries, cook, do his own laundry, run his own errands, pay his own bills, ect. Everything that I do for him. I really think he just wants me to keep taking care of him and in turn he’ll pretend that everything is ok, or pretend to be in love with me to satisfy me.
> 
> I know I deserve better. I know eventually I could find someone who loves me as much as I love them. I can survive on my own, the only thing that worries me is finances. He would have to pay child support, we have 2 kids. It would be tight, but I think it’s doable. He just texted me this morning and asked if I want to work on this or call it quits. How do you call it quits when you still love someone? How do you walk away from your life and husband of 10 years? He was the one who wanted to leave, now he wants to work on it? Again? But he’s not in love with me? I’m so confused, hurt, angry, sad, disappointed and very emotional right now. I don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to stick it out, see if he’s really gonna change and the other part just wants him gone so I can move on with my life. He broke my heart more than once. I don’t think I have it in me to keep doing this. Maybe I just slowly detach while stashing money on the side. I just feel defeated. Thanks for listening (or reading).
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


Sorry for what you are going through:

There is nothing to work on here, or at least you would be the one doing all the work. 
Why?

Your husband has not shown any evidence that he will change because:

1. He has shown absolutely no remorse
2. He is defensive when you bring up boundaries with another woman
3. He shows no concern for your pain and what he has done to you with the last 2 affairs
4. He is sitting on the fence, expecting you to do all the work, not the way a WH should treat his BW.
5. By treating you the way he is, he is trying to rug sweep, and get you to accept his behavior
6. It is clear he will cheat again and not care what you think about it.
7. It is highly likely that there are more affairs/infidelity, you only know the tip of the iceberg.

Cut your losses and 

1. Go see a lawyer to see what your options are
2. File for divorce and move on
3. Tell all your family and friends what is happening and ask for their support to get you through this
4. Go and attend some IC to strengthen your resolve
5. Get tested for STDs

I just read your latest post: stick to your guns, he only wants you back because he is a selfish prick who cannot see you with someone else. Remember all the cruelty he has inflicted on you, keep strong!


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