# I failed..



## Falling1000x (Sep 8, 2013)

I just want to vent.. I am sorry..

our R didn't go well.. we are not legally married.. so, not complicated.

We just gave up..

I am so sad.. but I guess this is the right thing to do.


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

Go ahead and vent - what happened?


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Sorry your here.

If you want to vent, just go ahead. Putting things down can help you to clear your head and us to see how we might help.


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## Falling1000x (Sep 8, 2013)

Thank you, Guys!

We've been living together for 3 years. No kid.

Last year, I felt something was wrong. He stayed at his "friend's" house a lot. Like 3 days a week.
Until one day a woman came to our house looking for him, and said she's his gf.. I was totally shocked.
To cut the story short, It was a messy D-Day, she was absolutely crazy, trying to kill herself by slashing her wrist in our house, police and neighbours came, so humiliating for us.
We moved to another area of the city, She tracked us down.. broke in to our house and declared her love for him.
He never saw the OW again. I am sure of that.

I forgave him and we tried R. But He couldn't handle my "triggers" and insecurity.
He's online a lot and I suspected that he's constantly chatting with girls. He closed the chat window whenever I come to the room.

Today I caught him closing a chat window again, I got ballistic, He denied.. bla.. bla.. bla.. 
He said he needs his freedom..
So, We are finished.

It just pisses me off..


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## mtn.lioness (Oct 29, 2013)

That is really an ordeal to have gone through. 

After what you've experienced, I'm not surprised that you're putting your foot down now.

Do you have a plan?


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## Falling1000x (Sep 8, 2013)

Looking for my own place now.. It pisses me off that he denied and played innocent and accused me of being the crazy one.

It'll be tough to be on my own again. I am a bit scared..


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## Falling1000x (Sep 8, 2013)

We were looking for bigger house and planning to get a dog.. Now everything just crashed..


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Falling1000x said:


> He said he needs his freedom..
> So, We are finished.
> 
> It just pisses me off..


You should be happy. Better that you pulled the plug now than before even more time was invested in this relationship.

I just can't fathom why people get into relationships and then act surprised that it means a loss of freedom; freedom to chat up other people, freedom to do whatever you want and not care about your SO, etc

Your boyfriend failed to grasp the basics of an adult reltionship and getting married (if that was your plan) wouldn't have changed his unacceptable behaviour.

You are well rid of him.


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## Falling1000x (Sep 8, 2013)

Thank you all for the support..


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## Falling1000x (Sep 8, 2013)

Yes, You are right azteca..


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## azteca1986 (Mar 17, 2013)

Falling1000x said:


> Yes, You are right azteca..


No problem.



Falling1000x said:


> Looking for my own place now.. It pisses me off that he denied and played innocent and accused me of being the crazy one.
> 
> It'll be tough to be on my own again. I am a bit scared..


I must say your posts are some of the mildest 'vents' I've read on here . I think you'll be fine. You have your head screwed on straight.

A little time of being single is just what you need. Take your time to think about what you will accept and not accept in a relationship (your boundaries).


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Consider yourself lucky that you got rid off him before having any children with him.


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## disconnected (May 30, 2013)

Falling1000x said:


> Looking for my own place now.. It pisses me off that he denied and played innocent and accused me of being the crazy one.
> 
> It'll be tough to be on my own again. I am a bit scared..


"I failed..."

nah, you didn't fail ... you "succeeded" ... you found out that he was up to 'stuff' ... therefore you know where you stand.

good on ya, and good luck ...

hey, it might be tough adjusting to being on your own again ... but that will be much better than having to endure the uncertainty that he brings to the relationship.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

I agree with disconnected. You never failed.

He failed big time. Do the 180 to help you disconnect. 

Sorry you are having this experience. Do not contact him.

Do something for yourself this next week. Something that you like to do, and with one of your good friends.


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## dontbeused (Nov 15, 2013)

Falling1000x said:


> Thank you, Guys!
> 
> We've been living together for 3 years. No kid.
> 
> ...


Hey, good for you. It is so nice to hear of someone, anyone not putting up with the behavior. I would have been even more excited to hear you threw him to the curb the first time she came to the home, but better late than never. Too many people on here R or attempt to R and there is almost no point to it.


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

Falling1000x said:


> Until one day a woman came to our house looking for him, and said she's his gf.. I was totally shocked.
> To cut the story short, It was a messy D-Day, she was absolutely crazy, trying to kill herself by slashing her wrist in our house, police and neighbours came, so humiliating for us.
> We moved to another area of the city, She tracked us down.. broke in to our house and declared her love for him.
> He never saw the OW again. I am sure of that.
> ...


"*I failed..*"

No you didn't, he failed to be worthy of you, after such shocking way of finding about his betrayal, you took him back, and still he did not compromised to heal you for the pain he caused you.

the simple fact that you tried to make things work by changing locations and investigating about triggers, say that you were comitted, he was just not good enough for such commitment.

there are alot of men out there who are loyal to one person, just remember what I always tell my female friends, sweet talkers are the ones you have to doubt the most, judge a man by his actions towards you not by his words.


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

He was still chatting with other women and hiding it. This was a false R. Its not your fault for being generous enough to give him a second chance. Its his fault for screwing you over twice.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

tainted said:


> He was still chatting with other women and hiding it. This was a false R. Its not your fault for being generous enough to give him a second chance. Its his fault for screwing you over twice.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

You did not fail, you are just on a new road, with a new map. Just be happy that you were not married to that man.

You know, you can survive life or live life....It's all in you head. Merry Christmas from Germany David


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

You didn't fail. The backstabbing bastard failed to keep a decent human being like you.

All the best for a new, better, and happier life. Keep walking towards the light.


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## SadandAngry (Aug 24, 2012)

You haven't failed yet, but you might. You need to realize that you are worth loving. Worth loyalty, worth fidelity, worth sacrificing for. You tried to ignore what that jerk was doing, likely because you fear being alone perhaps? Alone isn't terrible. If you can't live with yourself, how will someone else do it? You need to accept yourself, and love yourself. No one else can fix you, or make you whole, or make you happy, what ever it is that you think you need from a relationship. If you can't do that, then you'll have failed. But I think you can. Maybe see if you can find some counselling. Have a look at the work of Brene Brown, maybe start with the Gifts of Imperfection. You've freed yourself from a jerk, an a55hole, a person who is not worthy of you. Now seize the opportunity to change your life for the better!


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