# Feeling like a hostage



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

So here is the latest on my divorce situation. 

Because of finances my soon to be ex and myself are still living under the same roof. He can't afford to move out and neither can I. 

The temporary order said that he is to get a cc in his name to pay for his work expenses and when he gets his reimbursement check, he is to pay off his cc. However he has not done so and is still drawing money off the home equity loan. He borrowed $2000 off of it in less than two months and now there is only $50 left on it. When he finally gets his check , he will keep it and blow it on booze and cigs. 

He was supposed to be sober around our daughter, he has not. Get's drunk every night. 

We were supposed to talk about our debt, and he refuses to.

He was supposed to try to sell the boat, the collector car, hasn't. 

Next week we go to court. I have no idea what the judge is going to do when she finds out he has not been following the order. My guess, nothing which is why he doesn't take this seriously. 

I can't file for any assistance until I know what type of support and or maintenance I will get. I talked to a bankruptcy atty and they want $2,500 to file. I dont' have that kind of money, so I have not been paying any cc's.

So here I sit in limbo, going nuts and I want out! I am feeling so stressed out right now because we have no money in the bank, and he doesn't get paid until next week. 

I feel like my world is just crashing down all around me. I have no idea what the judge is going to say about this, or what is best for me. I honestly wish I had some guidance and which direction to take this. 

I have no family to stay with, I fear having to stay in a shelter with our daughter. I am even thinking of giving temporary custody to my brother in-law until I get on my feet again. 

I hate myself every day for what I did to my life and to my daughters. 

Every day I say something I am thankful for to try to stay positive, but it is really hard.

I don't know what is in store for me.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

:sleeping:L


Windward Whisper said:


> So here is the latest on my divorce situation.
> 
> Because of finances my soon to be ex and myself are still living under the same roof. He can't afford to move out and neither can I.
> Qq
> ...


I can't sees a judge being anything but sympathetic to you. Your husband is a deadbeat. he also hasn't followed the court's orders re. sobriety or selling the boat or car. 

Did you look into having him taken off your credit card? if you are worried about him not using his paycheck responsibly, maybe the judge will agree to have his wages garnished. Be sure to mention your concern. Perhaps it would still be worth talking to a debt consolidator in terms of your debts (credit card, medical).

I would be documenting everything, what he does and says, what you try. Get witnesses to his drinking in front of your daughter, so it's not your word against his. Record dates and times.

Hang in there. It can only get better.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Frostflower said:


> :sleeping:L
> 
> I can't sees a judge being anything but sympathetic to you. Your husband is a deadbeat. he also hasn't followed the court's orders re. sobriety or selling the boat or car.
> 
> ...


I apologize. My finger must have brushed the emoticon button on the iPad. i did not intentionally put the loser icon on my post. Re-reading your post, however, it does seem to apply to your husband. Just wanted you to know it was not intentional and was certainly not aimed ar you


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

Don't worry Frostflower, I actually didn't notice the L sign until you mentioned it, but I wouldn't have thought it was directed towards me anyways.

I had to call the police last night. I haven't slept all night and today is my first day back at school.

We had our mediation hearing for child custody/support and the social worker put in the order that he is to abstain from alcohol and seek AA meetings immediately, because my concern about overnight visitations. 

Well last night the same day as the order, he got drunk and combative, so I ended up calling the police to have him removed from the house. They said they couldn't do it. Said because he lives there he can stay. So once again he thinks he got one over on the court.

Monday is another court hearing, I honestly dont think anyone really cares for the children. Seriously. I will tell the judge about it, and I'm sure she won't do anything except warn him. 

I know I need to either move out ASAP or he has to. But I have no money no family. 

I am trying so hard to stay positive, but the only think I can do is beg to the court that they allow me to sell the recreation vehicles and keep what ever is left after paying off the loan to use for living expenses. I don't think that will happen.

My whole life has been filled with sadness and struggle and I'm really getting tired of it, but I can only blame myself.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> Don't worry Frostflower, I actually didn't notice the L sign until you mentioned it, but I wouldn't have thought it was directed towards me anyways.
> 
> I had to call the police last night. I haven't slept all night and today is my first day back at school.
> 
> ...


Whisper, why are you blaming yourself? You are not responsible for this man's poor choices. 

I cannot believe that he was drunk and combatitive and the police wouldn't remove him. What does he have to do, hurt or kill someone in order to be removed.

I wish I had some useful advice for you. Are you documenting everything, along with dates? Can you get witnesses to his behavior? Next time he is drunk, call a friend or your BIL so that they can attest to his behavior if needed.

If you are not considering going to a shelter, call them anyway. They can point you in the right direction to get advice and support.

I'm thinking of you. Hug.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

That's what I said Frostflower! I called my attorney and left a message asking she call me back today and am not too happy that I haven't heard from her yet. I need to know why the temporary order is not of record.

I only blame myself because I stayed in the marriage for so long, and it took me to wait until I had no job to finally get fed up! I could have done this when I was working and could afford to move out. 

I have been documenting this, and I video taped him acting this way and hopefully calling the police put this on record.

Thanks for all your support I really appreciate it. Hopefully Monday this will be over.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> That's what I said Frostflower! I called my attorney and left a message asking she call me back today and am not too happy that I haven't heard from her yet. I need to know why the temporary order is not of record.
> 
> I only blame myself because I stayed in the marriage for so long, and it took me to wait until I had no job to finally get fed up! I could have done this when I was working and could afford to move out.
> 
> ...


Well, kicking yourself if only self-destructive. So stop it or I will have to come and kick you for kicking yourself! 

Hang in there. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

So I guess just like any attorney, mine never returned my call. This is the second time she hasn't returned my call until 3 or 4 days later. Next time I see her will be at court I guess. 

Once they use up most of the retainer they figure you can't fire them. I don't know if this is normal but this attorney was $$ and I did research on her and she is the number one attorney in my area and has awards and her own radio program in the am...I feel like I am not important.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> So I guess just like any attorney, mine never returned my call. This is the second time she hasn't returned my call until 3 or 4 days later. Next time I see her will be at court I guess.
> 
> Once they use up most of the retainer they figure you can't fire them. I don't know if this is normal but this attorney was $$ and I did research on her and she is the number one attorney in my area and has awards and her own radio program in the am...I feel like I am not important.


I haven't had much experience with lawyers, but I guess they are extremely busy. When I went for my free half hour, she went outside and made a long phone call about another case while I was sitting in her office sobbing. Granted I wasn't paying, but it did make me feel unimportant. To give her credit, when she did sit down with me, she gave me her full attention and was very helpful. Hopefully, when it comes down to it, yours will be 100% in your corner and will do her job well.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

I really need some advice now. It has been close to 1 year and there has been no progress whatsoever on the divorce. The court has set no child support or maintenance or has made any financial decisions yet. My attorney went through the retainer and I owe them $1,000 and our next court date is in January. 

I'm getting very frustrated because he lost his job in October and apparently because of that, they could make a decision on support payments. He is suppose to sell the house, the boat and car and he refused to do any of that.

We are going to trial in January and we are supposed to talk about the finances and I can't even raise the question about selling any of these items because he refuses!!

I think it is crazy that the court is allowing him to get away with this and I think it is crazy that it is a year and nothing has been accomplished. He doesn't have an attorney, I paid over $3,000 for one and it seems like I will be walking away with nothing? Why isn't the court setting a monthly child support payment and making him figure out how he is going to pay it? He can work 3 jobs if he has to!!

I fear by the time the judgement of divorce goes through, my school will be done, I will be making good money and end up paying him and still owe my attorney money!!

Does anyone have any advice for me? I feel like I should just call it quits, give him everything and walk away with nothing because I can't afford this anymore.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> I really need some advice now. It has been close to 1 year and there has been no progress whatsoever on the divorce. The court has set no child support or maintenance or has made any financial decisions yet. My attorney went through the retainer and I owe them $1,000 and our next court date is in January.
> 
> I'm getting very frustrated because he lost his job in October and apparently because of that, they could make a decision on support payments. He is suppose to sell the house, the boat and car and he refused to do any of that.
> 
> ...


What exactly has your lawyer been doing all this time? i don't know how things work where you live, but a mother whom I know who was in a similar situation was able to get an emergency financial arrangement that will stand until they go to court.

Perhaps someone else here has some advice.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

My thoughts exactly Frostflower! I tried calling my attorney a few months ago and tried to tell her to call an emergency hearing and lets get this done and got no results. I'm being told by her to put the house up for sale, sell the boat, sell the car, I keep telling her that it will not do any good when his name is on the title and I can't without his signature!! She tells me that way I have proof of his refusal. WHAT?!! I don't like playing games.

I'm going to call her and ask where my $3,000 retainer went why there is no progress? Of course this phone call will cost me money. I also want to ask her if there is a way I can get him to pay for half of the attorney fees since he is the reason we are going to trial. If I don't get any results at our next court date, I have not choice but to terminate our relationship. I can't see spending $5,000 in atty fees for a judgement of divorce with no maintenance no child support nothing!! I can't even sleep at night because I don't have the money to pay her fee because I need that money to pay rent!!


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> My thoughts exactly Frostflower! I tried calling my attorney a few months ago and tried to tell her to call an emergency hearing and lets get this done and got no results. I'm being told by her to put the house up for sale, sell the boat, sell the car, I keep telling her that it will not do any good when his name is on the title and I can't without his signature!! She tells me that way I have proof of his refusal. WHAT?!! I don't like playing games.
> 
> I'm going to call her and ask where my $3,000 retainer went why there is no progress? Of course this phone call will cost me money. I also want to ask her if there is a way I can get him to pay for half of the attorney fees since he is the reason we are going to trial. If I don't get any results at our next court date, I have not choice but to terminate our relationship. I can't see spending $5,000 in atty fees for a judgement of divorce with no maintenance no child support nothing!! I can't even sleep at night because I don't have the money to pay her fee because I need that money to pay rent!!


I don't know the ins and outs of the legal system, but getting proof of his refusal to sell sounds like a good idea. Don't know how you would do this though.

Does he have any family that you could inform of his refusal? Would they apply pressure? At least it would let them know what kind of a jerk he is.


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Hi Windward, stumbled across your thread.

$3K to $5K doesn't seem like much for legal fees. Did you ask about overall cost when you started out? I wonder if you need to discuss affordability before formulating your plan.


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Wazza said:


> Hi Windward, stumbled across your thread.
> 
> $3K to $5K doesn't seem like much for legal fees. Did you ask about overall cost when you started out? I wonder if you need to discuss affordability before formulating your plan.


Agree with this... Between court visits, doc prep, etc you can burn through that amount fast. My parent's D cost $8k 15 yrs ago.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Pepper123 said:


> Agree with this... Between court visits, doc prep, etc you can burn through that amount fast. My parent's D cost $8k 15 yrs ago.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Even that seems cheap to me. I assume it must have been amicable?

Lawyers don't get to drive Beemers by charging low fees!


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Wazza said:


> Even that seems cheap to me. I assume it must have been amicable?
> 
> Lawyers don't get to drive Beemers by charging low fees!


Guess I got lucky. I got divorced in 95 and only paid $500.


----------



## Pepper123 (Nov 27, 2012)

Wazza said:


> Even that seems cheap to me. I assume it must have been amicable?


For the most part... there were no custodial issues in the divorce because we were all over 18yo and were no longer living in the house. I graduated HS on 6/6/98 and their divorce was finalized 7/3/98. They did argue a bit over proceeds from a land sale that was my dad's inheritance, but because the proceeds were co-mingled into a joint account, there wasn't much that could be done in regards to not splitting it.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

OMG!! I do not have that kind of money to spend. I am flat broke, which is why I retained an attorney. At the time he was working and I was hoping for maintenance and child support. Then he lost his job, so they never set any monthly child support.

Problem is, I thought that the retainer would cover the whole thing, because she knew my situation and said she was charging me less than she normally does. I had know idea they would burn through it so fast! I mean there is no progress what so ever! I think we have been to court maybe 3 times and it has been 1 year since I filed. One time he never showed up- I dont' think I should get charged for that!

I guess I will have to call her, ask her what the total cost of my divorce is going to be, see about payment plans go from there. I really feel I'm getting screwed on this whole thing. She pretty much told me that I can keep my 401K and give him the boat and the car because it worth less that my 401k, but a lot of good that is going to do me when I can use my 401K until I retire!

So basically after 21 years of marriage, I pay huge attorney fees, he pays none, he get the boat, the car the house. I get my 401K, $150 a month in child support (if I'm lucky) a divorce and half the debt. Sorry for my negativity, but that doesn't seem right.

I could have done this myself for free.


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> OMG!! I do not have that kind of money to spend. I am flat broke, which is why I retained an attorney. At the time he was working and I was hoping for maintenance and child support. Then he lost his job, so they never set any monthly child support.
> 
> Problem is, I thought that the retainer would cover the whole thing, because she knew my situation and said she was charging me less than she normally does. I had know idea they would burn through it so fast! I mean there is no progress what so ever! I think we have been to court maybe 3 times and it has been 1 year since I filed. One time he never showed up- I dont' think I should get charged for that!
> 
> ...


Sorry.

Hopefully she will have good news on costs.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

So paying an attorney $3,700 so far with only 3 court dates and no progress what so ever is not too much?


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> So paying an attorney $3,700 so far with only 3 court dates and no progress what so ever is not too much?


I'm not a legal expert. Not even close.

But I woud assume they don't guarantee a result for a given price, and I would assume they bill by the hour. So every phone call, every document lodged, every meeting, costs you. It isn't just the court dates, it is all the preparation.

Did they give you an itemsed account?


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

Went to meet with my lawyer yesterday. I get stuck with all my credit card debt that he help rack up during our marriage and he gets his (which isn't as much as mine). Because he lost his job I only get 17% of his unemployment for Child support- which isn't much. Comes to around $60 a week! 

He is to refinance the house to give me my equity (which isn't a lot) and sell the boat and collector car and I get half. However, if he doesn't do it in 120 days (which he won't) I get to pay the attorney money to file contempt charges. I will need to file bankruptcy, but don't have the money to do it, so I'm sure I will soon get taken to court by the banks. I hope I can get an apartment with my bad credit, and if I do, I can only afford a small one bedroom for me and my daughter.

Attorney says I don't have any right to his inheritance because it is a gife to him. 

I told my attorney that I hired her because I thought having an attorney would have helped me. I said "no offense but if I knew I would get stuck with all of the debt, I could have done this myself". No comment.

So I have to accept this and move on. If he ever gets a job which I doubt he will because he apparently is going to get a large sum of money from his dad's wrongful death suit, I will have to take him back to court. But only if he gets a job. I have no right to any of the money he will get from the wrongful death suit.

Yes I am angry and yes I hate him with every inch of my being. Alcoholism turned him into a bad person. I have lost my faith in the lord because of the direction my life has turned. I have accepted that I made the bad choices in my life by marrying this person, allowing this person to control me for so many years, and now I am suffering the actions of my choices in a time of my life where I should be happy and enjoying life. 

Yes I am depressed- have been for a very long time. My whole life has been nothing but struggles no matter how hard I try to move up.

I am to graduate in a few months with an associates degree in health care. I did this so I can accomplish something in my life and give myself and my daughter a better future, but now due to the affordable care act, hospitals are getting cut back on their funding and not hiring! Yea me!! ( I didn't vote for the guy)

So back to taking life one second at a time, trying to stay positive. And hoping that I can find a job so my daughter and I are not homeless living in a shelter in 3 months. (sorry no family to stay with, and there is a 4 year waiting list for rent assistance where I live- yea me!!)

I'm sorry that I am so negative, but my life has NOT been a bowl of cherries.

I will keep posting, only because posting helps me to vent how I am feeling at the moment. 

Thanks for reading.


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> Went to meet with my lawyer yesterday. I get stuck with all my credit card debt that he help rack up during our marriage and he gets his (which isn't as much as mine). Because he lost his job I only get 17% of his unemployment for Child support- which isn't much. Comes to around $60 a week!
> 
> He is to refinance the house to give me my equity (which isn't a lot) and sell the boat and collector car and I get half. However, if he doesn't do it in 120 days (which he won't) I get to pay the attorney money to file contempt charges. I will need to file bankruptcy, but don't have the money to do it, so I'm sure I will soon get taken to court by the banks. I hope I can get an apartment with my bad credit, and if I do, I can only afford a small one bedroom for me and my daughter.
> 
> ...


Do post. Venting is important.

What has happened to you sucks and I would be angry too. I would be angry at the lawyer who must have had some notion of your position yet milked you for all this money. I guess the consolation is you have so far avoided more costly legal action resulting in further debt, but that would be cold comfort right now, I think.

You have confronted your problems and are investing in a future for your daughter and you, well done. It will pay off in the long term. Keep at it.

Sad that you have lost your faith over this. Times like this are when you need God. I will pray for you.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

Well the divorce is done. I wish I had friends and family that could have offered me good advice because I feel I was not represented in my and my daughters best interest. 

I gave him the house first mistake. I did it because I knew I wouldn't be able to afford the monthly payments for it. Well at least we would have a roof over our heads.

I can't find an apartment due to my lack of income and now bad credit rating. The ones I do find don't take pets.

I waived the maintenance in the divorce because he wouldn't sign it and my attorney said if it went to trial I would be looking at $10,000 more! I think filing for divorce was the biggest mistake of my life. I should have waited until I graduated in May to have filed. But I was tired of watching my daughter go through what I went through on a nightly basis because of his drinking. I felt it was better for her and for me mentally and emotionally. Now I just took her out of one emotional roller coaster into another, a lateral move as you would say.

I took a hardship withdraw on my IRA (thank god I had that) so that will get us buy IF someone decides to rent to me until I can find something more stable. 

All I do is cry. I always ask myself why I am always being challenged so emotionally. My childhood was bad and now my adult life. Everybody tells me "it can only get better". Really?

Some times I think god is making me miserable so when he decides to take my life, I will be thrilled to go! Because right now (49 yrs) I can't lay on my death bed and say "I'm ready, I've lived a great life".

I think the only good thing out of all of this is that my daughter will get out of the family turmoil, be able to finally have friends sleep over with out a drunk dad stumbling into their fun and she will hopefully have a very happy future. I NEEDED TO STOP THE CYCLE!!


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> Well the divorce is done. I wish I had friends and family that could have offered me good advice because I feel I was not represented in my and my daughters best interest.
> 
> I gave him the house first mistake. I did it because I knew I wouldn't be able to afford the monthly payments for it. Well at least we would have a roof over our heads.
> 
> ...


Hopefully the next phase holds good things for you. I will keep you in my prayers.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

_I think the only good thing out of all of this is that my daughter will get out of the family turmoil, be able to finally have friends sleep over with out a drunk dad stumbling into their fun and she will hopefully have a very happy future. I NEEDED TO STOP THE CYCLE!!_

You did stop the cycle, WW, and that is something you should be so proud of. It wasn’t easy, but you did it! You have not only provided a better future for your daughter, but you have taught her that women don’t have to put up with bad situations. They can take control of their own lives.

I think you are a very brave person and, like Wazza, I will keep you in my prayers.

Hug.


----------



## Bee2012 (Dec 8, 2012)

WW, 
I just read your posts and I really feel for you because I too am lving with my stbxh. It's rough. My kids are 6 and 4 and right now I work part time and cannot afford my own place. It's awful and awkward. I am sorry you haven't been getting much results with your attorney. I haven't retained one yet but did you know you can get legal questions answered for free at a website called Avvo.com - Expert Advice When You Need It Most. We are thinking of filing the D ourselves and I have gotten some questions answered on there.
Hang in there. I know it's rough. You are a good mother, I can see it from your posts how much you cars ablutions daughter. I hope things work out for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## BFGuru (Jan 28, 2013)

I found a potential place today in a town close to where I work. They are subsidized housing, but do not look or feel at all like a project. Can you look for something like that? The security deposit for my cat/s is expensive. But the rental increase was cheap next to every other rental increase I have seen yet. Where are you staying now? How is he getting out without enough alimony to support your basic needs?


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

So I have been looking desperately for a place for my daughter and I to move to and no one will rent to me. My credit is terrible because he lost his job during the divorce so the bills were not getting paid and because I only have a part time job they fear I won't be able to cover the rent. It's only going to get worse because I need to file bankruptcy (talking to the atty Wed.)

I took $10,000 out of my IRA so I could show prospective landlords that I have more than enough to cover the rent, and they still won't rent to me.

I can't apply for rental assistance because where I live the waiting list is 3 1/2 years!!

I don't know what else to do!! Seriously- this is crazy!! Now I know why women who are in abusive relationships stay in them. It's not that they don't want to get out, they can't!!

My ex is not looking for work, he has 180 days to refinance the house or we will need to sell it. In the mean time my daughter and I have been living in the same destruction I tried to get away from. (no I do not have any family to stay with)

I know I will be graduating in 4 months, and hopefully I will be able to find work then, but if he wanted to, he could kick me out and I would be homeless!! I don't understand why no one will rent to me when I have the money!!

I can't sleep or concentrate.


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> So I have been looking desperately for a place for my daughter and I to move to and no one will rent to me. My credit is terrible because he lost his job during the divorce so the bills were not getting paid and because I only have a part time job they fear I won't be able to cover the rent. It's only going to get worse because I need to file bankruptcy (talking to the atty Wed.)
> 
> I took $10,000 out of my IRA so I could show prospective landlords that I have more than enough to cover the rent, and they still won't rent to me.
> 
> ...


Does it cost anything to apply for rental assistance? At least then your name is on the list.

It may be worth giving some indication of where you live. People near you may then be able to make suggestions. I understand you might not want to reveal that so you can stay as anonymous as possible.

Have you looked for support agencies in your area. The Salvation Army or someone may have suggestions.you won't be the first person to face this stuff.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

No it doesn't cost anything to have my name on the list. I plan on doing that because you never know what kind of situation I will be in in 4 years.

They have women's shelters here but they are for women that are in abusive marriages and are kind of like safe havens. Plus I'm sure they will not help someone who has $10,000 in the bank vs someone that doesn't. 

I'll keep plugging along and see what If I can find something. I feel so bad for my daughter having to be put through all of this. I honestly didn't think it would be this difficult to find a place. 

I guess I should be happy (?) that we at least still have a roof over our heads and he hasn't kicked me out yet.


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> No it doesn't cost anything to have my name on the list. I plan on doing that because you never know what kind of situation I will be in in 4 years.
> 
> They have women's shelters here but they are for women that are in abusive marriages and are kind of like safe havens. Plus I'm sure they will not help someone who has $10,000 in the bank vs someone that doesn't.
> 
> ...


Even if the shelters won't give you a place they might know of options you are not aware of. You are smart and have probably already asked the, but if you haven't, because you have so much to del with, then do at least talk to them.

They presumably specialise in getting people they help through the shelters and into somewhere more permanent. You having money and a plan might mean they can help you get there faster, for example.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

Here is an update on my situation. I hope that what I have been experiencing offers some sort of guidance for any one that is going through a divorce or thinking about it. It's a guide of what not to do.

So I gave the house to my husband because two reasons: 1. I couldn't afford the mortgage with all of the expenses that came with it. 

2. I knew that I wouldn't have the strength to kick him out knowing that he didn't have a job and no place to live.

I thought that I would have no problem finding an apartment. Boy was I wrong. I fear I may be homeless pretty soon and now am in the process of either staying at a shelter or forking out tons of money at an extended stay hotel. (perfect place to raise a daughter hey?)

Why? Well I made HUGE mistakes during my marriage. I was the one with the good credit, he wasn't. I was the one that put all the expenses on my credit cards. When his car broke down, it went on my card. New tires? It went on my card. Hot water heater? Yep, my card.

So during the divorce, he lost his job and guess what? Credit cards weren't getting paid. Now my credit is shot, I'm now in the process of filing bankruptcy.

I took a $10,000 hardship withdrawl off my IRA so I could get an apartment and it would tide my over until I graduated school (3 months left). But it doesn't matter how much money I have to pay the rent, these landlords pick the best applicants, and because of my bad credit, mine pretty much gets thrown in the circular. I have even told them I have the money and am willing to pay rent in advance, but it still doesn't help. 

My daughter is in tears because we have looked at so many places and we never get the call telling us we got the apartment. There is so much competition out there due to the bad economy and people losing their homes. 

So that is my situation right now. I'm still living in the same house with the drunk...daughter wants out.. he isn't looking for work...house will soon get foreclosed on and I can't find a place to live even though I have the money to pay the rent for a whole year!!

I have no idea what to do and I have no idea how to fix this. I'm thinking maybe I should just take the money I have and forget about the bankruptcy and pay all the credit cards, but then I won't have money to pay rent. My part time job doesn't pay enough to cover rent and my car payment. 

Can my life get any worse?


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

Keep that cash...do not use it for anything or u will be screwed. Keep looking for a place...a room to rent in a house...you got to just keep trying...somewhere it will be the right fit. But don't let go of that cash because that is whats going to make someone's head turn for rent at some point. 
Weird that if u can pay ahead for an entire year you can't get rented too....keep looking!


----------



## Stella Moon (Nov 22, 2012)

I also paid for everything...all in my name...and have gotten zero payment as of yet during this nasty divorce ...I'm barely making it...

I wish I had 10 grand  ....keep that cash...keep looking for a place...and offer up that years worth of rent...but go cheap...small...affordable....etc...


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

Thanks for the positive attitude! I really need that. 

I still haven't had much luck. I looked at a place again yesterday. It was an apartment on the second floor of a single home owners home. I explained to him my situation told him I have the money to pay a whole year in advance if needed! But as I looked at the stack of applications on his table, I can be sure I won't get a call. 

Things are not the way they were when the housing market was great. You are in competition with a lot of people!

I know I need to try to stay positive but all I can think about is having to resort to living in a hotel with my daughter or renting a room somewhere. I am not happy about that, because I divorced her dad because of his drinking and my misery and I am now making her life worse, by becoming homeless? 

I can't help but think I made a huge mistake. I have always been the type of person that dotted her "I's" and crossed her "T's". I honestly did not think it would be so difficult finding a place to live after the divorce! Boy was I wrong.


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Windward Whisper said:


> Thanks for the positive attitude! I really need that.
> 
> I still haven't had much luck. I looked at a place again yesterday. It was an apartment on the second floor of a single home owners home. I explained to him my situation told him I have the money to pay a whole year in advance if needed! But as I looked at the stack of applications on his table, I can be sure I won't get a call.
> 
> ...


Whether you made a mistake is irrelevant, what is done is done.

DO NOT hand over a years rent in advance. That may see you getting ripped off. Money gone, no place to stay. Show the money in the account. Show you can pay.

What would be so bad about renting a room somewhere? You are broke. Cheap is good. Cheap lets you save and improve your financial position. Get back on your feet.

Hang in there. You will get through this, and be a stronger and better person.


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

I’m sorry you are having such a hard time. 

Are there basement suites in private homes in your area? 

I agree with Wazza. It would not be wise to pay a year’s rent in advance.


----------



## Wazza (Jul 23, 2012)

Any news WW? How are you doing?


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

Hi everyone. Just wanted to update everyone on my situation. 

I found a really nice two bedroom apartment here. Apparently my credit score was great, so I don't quite understand why no one would rent to me? Any ways...I was approved and it is really quiet here. 

I graduated college in May and got a job with a hospital in the NICU and absolutely love it!! 

I filed for bankruptcy and am ready to start with a clean slate. I actually have money to spend and don't regret ever filing for divorce. He found a job and is in the process of trying to refinance the house but we are having a hard time selling the boat. I really don't want to have to make payments on it, but I might have to so they don't repo it. 

I want to thank everyone for your support during my darkest hours. It is so hard to have to make tough decisions in your life not knowing what the future holds, but now the only thing I am dealing with is that I regret not doing this years ago when I was younger!

Thanks again!


----------



## Frostflower (Jul 22, 2012)

Wow, WW, what a great update! I’m so glad everything is working out for you.

Is NICU neonatal ICU?

Good luck with the boat. 

Thanks for the happy update!


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Great credit score, but filing for bankruptcy.

This is an interesting place.

Good luck to you - that's a good update.


----------



## Windward Whisper (Aug 5, 2012)

Yes Frost Flower, Neonatal. I consider myself very fortunate to have gotten a job in the NICU fresh out of school.

Conrad- I thought it was strange too? I was still in school and my husband at the time lost his job during the divorce and the CC were not being paid. When I applied for the apartment here, the cc's were not paid for over 5 months!! I thought for sure my Credit Score was in the toilet!! But when I was approved she said it was good. They must have not reported me being delinquent yet. 

As for filing bankruptcy- in order for me to get my retirement in the divorce I ended up with most of the debt- $20,000 to be exact. Being on my own with no job at the time- I had no choice.


----------

