# Controlling, lying husband



## GeorgiaPeech (Jan 24, 2012)

I posted on here a few weeks ago about my husband lying about everything, and I wanted to post a kind of update. Here is a link to the original thread http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/38846-confused-about-husband-lying.html

My husband and I have been to two counseling sessions. He admitted that he lies about a lot of things to the counselor, so I thought maybe he would stop lying, but man was I wrong. He purposely creates situations so that he can lie to me. Today our son fell asleep in his arms, but H put him down on the floor while he was sleeping and thought nobody was looking, and said, "Look, he fell asleep on the floor!" Such a pointless, stupid lie! I guess it's because I had just said the other day that he never falls asleep when he is just crawling around on the floor. I'm starting to think that keeping my marriage together is hopeless. He has also become increasingly more controlling. He expects me to go to bed at the same time he does, even though he gets up much earlier than me. And when I don't he lays in bed waiting for me, then he gets mad, and lays on the guilt trip saying how if I had come back to bed, he would have given me a back massage, but it's my fault that it's not happening now, because it's too late. He also gets angry if I don't hold his hand in the car, even though I'm driving. He hasn't really been abusive, he has only grabbed my face once, and that was over a year ago.

I feel so guilty when I think about leaving, even though I want to. I am starting to think that it would be best for our 8 month old if his daddy wasn't around all the time. I'm so scared that if we got divorced we would have shared custody. I don't trust my husband to take care of our son by himself. I firmly believe that he would put him in his crib all day and let him cry! It breaks my heart thinking there would be a possibility that I would have to hand him over to him for a couple days a week, or a couple weekends a month. I couldn't take that. I feel trapped. 

Any advice from someone who has stayed married to a controlling, pathological liar? Probably not, cause as I type that, I'm thinking, "Who would stay married to someone like that?"


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

How early does he get up and how late do you get up? 

I can understand him wanting you to go to bed when he does. I've often heard that going to bed at the same time is one of the rules of a good marriage.

My husband seldom goes to bed at the same time I do. I feel like we miss out on a lot of good snuggling because of this. I've let him know that I'm upset about it. He doesn't care how I feel about it. 

Muy husband and I often hold hands while he drives. I never say anything to him.. he just does it sometimes. But if he tired to make it a 'rule' it would bother me too. 

Your husband seems to just have a need to lie. I can understand why you feel like you cannot stay. And I understand your concern about your son.


Have you done much reading on "pathological lying"? Pathological lying is considered a mental illness, because it takes over rational judgement and progresses into the fantasy world and back.

You might want to do a google search and read up on compulsive/pathological liar. Taking him to a psychiatrist might be a good idea as well. One of the reasons I suggest this is to protect your son. From what I read, it can be present in some forms of mental illness. If he can get a diagnosis he might be able to get treatment. And if not, you have good cause to bring up in court that he should only have supervised visitation.


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## Acorn (Dec 16, 2010)

I have two thoughts. The first is that obviously, the lying is a serious issue and I'm with Elegirl that he seems to have this trait and whether it is a mental illness or what not, that would be very hard to live with.

That being said, if your husband wants to share time with you by going to bed together and you refuse, and if your husband likes to hold hands and you refuse, and your husband may want shared custody and you refuse... I don't understand why you feel he's the one who is controlling? You clearly are the one dictating the terms here.


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

Acorn said:


> That being said, if your husband wants to share time with you by going to bed together and you refuse, and if your husband likes to hold hands and you refuse, and your husband may want shared custody and you refuse... I don't understand why you feel he's the one who is controlling? You clearly are the one dictating the terms here.


It sounds that way to me as well.


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## GeorgiaPeech (Jan 24, 2012)

I have no problem going to bed at the same time a few days a week, but he expects it to be every night. Most of the time when I stay up later than him, it's because I am getting work done, like laundry, dishes, or other things that I wasn't able to get done during the day, because I was taking care of my son. Sometimes I stay up just to watch tv or something, but most of the time I am doing something productive. It wouldn't bother me if he didn't expect it every night. We could go to bed at the same time 6 nights a week, but he would throw a fit if we didn't on that 7th night.

I also enjoy holding his hand in the car, but there are times when I need to pull it away to turn or just have two hands on the wheel, and he gets angry about it. He will say that I don't want him to touch me simply because I pull my hand away for a few minutes.

I would say that maybe controlling isn't the right term, I think he is just plain needy.

I thought that the counseling had helped a little bit, because he seemed to be more honest for the week after our sessions, but then he started purposely doing things to lie to me about again. It seems like he literally can't help but lie.

I'm torn, because I feel sad for him that he is having these problems, but at the same time, he seems very unstable sometimes. The longer we are married, the more it seems like he has some genuine psychological problems.


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