# Splitting up but keeping house



## markyyyyyy (May 20, 2019)

Hi. Mr and my wife are splitting up, and unfortunately if we sell the house now we will lose £20k that I put into a house extension not so long ago. Due to our situation, I will be relocating to my parents house, but we will both remain to own the family home as I will keep paying 50% of the mortgage. Has anyone done this before? Any advice on the situation? It's primarily so that our son has a nice house to grow up in, with good schooling around here.

Thanks.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

You have so many "Y"s in your Avatar.

Aren't you the lodger that you share so little of them.

We canna be the Barnaby Rudge without them why-fers.

We be sittin' on our Aunt Annie, awaitin, all patient like.


KB-


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## 20yr (Apr 19, 2019)

markyyyyyy said:


> Hi. Mr and my wife are splitting up, and unfortunately if we sell the house now we will lose £20k that I put into a house extension not so long ago. Due to our situation, I will be relocating to my parents house, but we will both remain to own the family home as I will keep paying 50% of the mortgage. Has anyone done this before? Any advice on the situation? It's primarily so that our son has a nice house to grow up in, with good schooling around here.
> 
> Thanks.


I think it is quite common to delay sale of the house for the children but that it is eventually sold and you split the equity. You would still help pay the mortgage because you will still get 50% when it is sold. You should make sure there is agreement about when it will go on the market and what type of upkeep you will both agree to pay for (e.g, will house need to be repainted or need a new roof before sale).


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Surely you will get more for the house due to the new extension? Are you really happy to spend many years living with your parents? Is it a big house?


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## markyyyyyy (May 20, 2019)

No it's not an ideal situation living with my parents, but as I'm self employed and having also been looking after my son 2 days a week, I won't be able to afford a mortgage as my income reflects this. The house has been valued at 20k less than we put into the property.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

markyyyyyy said:


> No it's not an ideal situation living with my parents, but as I'm self employed and having also been looking after my son 2 days a week, I won't be able to afford a mortgage as my income reflects this. The house has been valued at 20k less than we put into the property.


How big is the house? If its large cant you sell it and both have a 2 bed home for example?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I don't understand why, if you are both paying half of the mortgage, why *you* are the one who has to live elsewhere.

????????

Aren't there any lower priced homes within the school district?

I'd sell, even if it meant not getting all of the $ back you spent on it, and forging a new life without that financial entanglement.

Who knows what the market will be like in the future for that sale, anyway?

Don't you want your child to see you building your own life and home, even if it's small, and not living with your parents?


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

You could try listing it for the amount you need to get out of it. Who knows, it might be exactly what someone is looking for...and willing to pay. Wouldn’t hurt to try.


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## markyyyyyy (May 20, 2019)

Thanks for the advice. Lots to think about. It's a 3 bed semi and will get approx 200k. Potentially worth putting on the market to try and return our (my) investments


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

This situation seems a little unfair since you would be subsidizing 50% of her housing but getting 0% of the value until the house was sold. In addition, she is putting 100% of the wear and tear on the house, which will affect the final value And then what happens when there is something major like a plumbing leak that need major repairs? 

How much equity do you have in the house? If it's not too much, it might be worth letting her have the house and keep the equity and letting you have more of the other assets. 

I have the feeling that you wouldn't nearly get your money back from the mortgage payments if you waited until the house appreciated enough to get the $20k. How many months (or years) will that take? You need to factor in all those mortgage payments you'd be making. I'm guessing you're not going to end up much better waiting versus selling now.

Aside from the financial costs, there's going to be the massive amount of complications and headaches that come from trying to manage this investment with your ex-wife. It's going to be hard enough getting agreement on how to raise your son, but now you'd have to also agree on how to mange any house expenses.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

Staying with your parents to get back on your feet is not a terrible thing. You (and probably your parents too) just don't want it to be an open-ended situation because what you told us so far is that this living situation will continue until who knows when. But you need to make a plan with a date to move out of your parents' house. Whether that is 6 mos, 1 yr, 2 yrs, talk it over with your parents, but it really shouldn't be any longer than 2 years (given your situation). 

Also talk with your real estate agent to find out the rate of increase of property value in your area. It might not be a good idea to think you will ever be able to get all your money out of that house. 

Don't just leave your life up in the air like this. You need to make some plans, so it also might not be a good idea to think paying half the mortgage is something that can be done until.....whenever. Everything should have an expiration date. 

You haven't gone through the divorce yet, so do you know whether you will have to pay child support and/or spousal support? 

If you have to pay one or both of those, can you afford either or both of those

in addition to paying half the mortgage,
in addition to whatever amount you will be paying your parents,
in addition to saving money to move out on your own?

Here's what you need to do:

1. Makes some specific plan
2. Talk with your parents
3. Talk with a real estate agent
4. Talk with a divorce attorney so you know what to expect


You can google your state's child support calculator. If you live in Idaho, for example, just google "Idaho child support calculator" to get a pretty good idea of what you will have to pay in child support. As far as spousal support, you can't know that in advance, but ask your attorney if s/he thinks you will have to pay it. 

You may be sure your wife's divorce attorney will advise her according to their definition of the wife and child's best interest. Any previous verbal agreements between will fly out the window at that point. You will see then how badly you need to devise a plan for your own financial future. You might decide it will be best to be upside down with the house and lose some of the improvement investment and get what you can out of it in order to free yourself from it.


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## 20yr (Apr 19, 2019)

How old is your son? I think it depends on how long you would have to do this. Also, are there other assets that you could take in exchange for giving her the house?


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## Imnobodynew (Feb 11, 2016)

Um. No one else has mentioned this but I thought I might. What happens when she starts dating and bringing a man or men home... and your paying 50% of the bill? Is that OK for your son to see? At least if it's her home, it's her problem.. you can control what happens in your own home.. just a thought. But I'm not sure what country/culture your from and what is and isn't allowed. So this comment might be null.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Sell the house and take the loss, if there is one. Paying half the mortgage from here to eternity is just an all around bad idea. Sell it. Be free.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

have you made it clear to her that this is your house as well and she is not allowed over night guest and change the locks...i am not sure the basis of your divorce but the last thing you need is for someone to move in while you are still paying 50% of the house. You should be able to come and go as you please


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Lostinthought61 said:


> have you made it clear to her that this is your house as well and she is not allowed over night guest and change the locks...i am not sure the basis of your divorce but the last thing you need is for someone to move in while you are still paying 50% of the house. You should be able to come and go as you please


I would insist that any relationship with other people is kept out of the house. Maybe a bit difficult to police, if you are not there, but I would ask for this. If she disagrees, you have your answer.


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