# My wife is having an online love affair



## PNG24 (Oct 13, 2012)

Hello.

My wife and I have been together for at least 13 years and have been married for 10 years. We have been blessed with 2 kids, a 5 y.o. boy and a 3 y.o. girl. 

I never thought that our marriage would be on the rocks as it is now as early in our relationship, she made the efforts for us to be together. I am not a very attractive guy buy my wife is a drop dead gorgeous woman. I never really thought that she would have a crush on me and was just overwhelmed that she does like me and even made the first move for us to be together. But don't get me wrong, I had a crush on her already before she even made the move to know me. Thus we fell in love. She said she was madly in love with me and wants to be with me every minute of everyday. My confidence as a man really shoots up having a beautiful lady in my life who loves me more that I would expect to be loved.

After almost 3 years in the relationship, we got married as she really doesn't want to loose me. However our marriage life did not kick off so well as financial problems sink in. I must admit that I was not financially ready when we got married, and just agreed on her proposal for us to get married already. Thus, we are unable to make ends meet with unpaid loans and credit cards debts.

I guess the financial problems really hit us hard that could have affected her love for me. She demanded that I leave my very stable job for a better pay as we are still living in a duplex with my parents because I cant afford an apartment for us. Then although I had sufficient salary already on the new job, she wanted me to get a job abroad for several times ever since in the 3rd year of our marriage but fate was not there for me then to land a job abroad. And maybe because I am also uncomfortable leaving her behind and our children. I am a person who cherishes family and relationship above all things... 

But she wants more from our life and is still not contented. She wants a new house, a car and of course a future for our kids. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that but I see that I could give it to her in about 3-5 years more.. but she couldn't wait. 

Thus I went abroad for a job that is really worth it. The pay is good although the place is not, but i sacrificed... for her and my kids. I was looking forward to making our dreams come true...

However, five months in my job abroad, I was devastated when I found out that she is having an affair ONLINE with her old friend from high school. The guy was already separated from his wife several years back and also have kids. 

But the worst thing is, my wife told me that she has fallen out of love from me. They never have met in person with the guy and just communicated online but she said she has already fallen in love with him. She even told me at first that she was willing to leave me and my kids for the guy even if they have not met in person yet, so no physical relationship happened.. yet. She said the guy is also working abroad up to end of 2013, thus she told me that anything can still happen and that I should just hang on because her love may also not last. This devastates me the more as she made me a reserve whenever her love for him doesn't succeed.

I can't really think of any reasons why she felt out of love from me, unless she never really loved me in the first place and her intense feelings in our early years is just infatuation. But my question is, as we were sweethearts for about 3 years, if it was only infatuation, couldn't it have vanished already by that time?

I always pride myself to be a good person, husband and father. I am a devote Christian as well. I don't have vices.. don't smoke, don't drink much and never a womanizer. That is why it is hard for me to understand why she did this to me.. or why her love for me, as she claims flew away. But she too can't really give me an answer why.

I hope I could have some pieces of your insights.

Thank you.

PNG24


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## BjornFree (Aug 16, 2012)

Sorry you're here friend, stick around for a while and you'll have excellent advice coming your way.



PNG24 said:


> She said the guy is also working abroad up to end of 2013, thus she told me that anything can still happen and that I should just hang on because her love may also not last. This devastates me the more as she made me a reserve whenever her love for him doesn't succeed.
> PNG24


You have no obligation to hang on to anybody in your life. Understand that if a woman is willing to walk away from you and your kids, she does not deserve to be your wife and also realize that none of what is happening is your fault.

If i were you I would silently file for divorce and have her served. Do not be the back up plan. Please read this article, very powerful.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/24796-just-let-them-go.html


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

Now you are abroad, and find out she has an online affair.

She says she has no love for you, and is willing to leave you for her lover. And why does she want you to stay abroad?

I dont understand.

Did she really love you?


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## B1 (Jun 14, 2012)

Curious..How did you find out about the A(affair)?
When did you find out about the A?

She sends you abroad then has a online affair with someone else abroad? ..but you are to hang on because her love for him may not last?

Maybe it's time to make a visit home, talk this out, feel her out. Is she that fragile, or just that conniving? either way both are not good.

Has she asked you to come home?


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## PNG24 (Oct 13, 2012)

Yes, it was her who who wanted me to go abroad for work and since I can't contact her as often as I can because the country I am in have really expensive internet connection, I can only call her once or twice a day on skype and can't even do more than 30 minutes with video calls. But the OM who is also abroad in some other country with better internet connectivity, has been calling her all day long, etc. so she claimed she accidentally fallen for the him.

Yes she asked me to come home and see what will happen when I do. I'll be coming home this December for 1 month vacation and we will see what will happen. But I already followed the advice of BjornFree and just let her go.. And he is right that I should keep my dignity intact and don't want to be a backup plan anymore. But anything can still happen when I come home, but I am not anymore going to beg for her to come back to me... I know I deserve someone better than her.


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## PNG24 (Oct 13, 2012)

betrayed1 said:


> Curious..How did you find out about the A(affair)?
> When did you find out about the A?


The OM left a message in her facebook account that she forgot to delete. That's how I confronted her and she was caught and was not able to deny it already.

We used to have each others password for our facebook accounts. A month before I found out about the affair, I was unable to open her facebook account and she refused to give it to me and I was furious. She just told me that she would giver her later. She did and found it clean. Only to realize after I found out about the affair that she was deleting his messages before she gave me her new password.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Lovely, so you don't make enough money for her (does she actually have a job or is she sitting at home waiting for you to provide) so she sends you off to earn more money and then cheats as soon as you're gone

You need to get back home, have it out with her, look in her eyes and tell her you won't be anyone's second best. You certainly won't be working your ass off in another country, away from your family, paying for your wife to have her dalliances without the old man hanging around cramping her style

Some chicks!


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## PNG24 (Oct 13, 2012)

Dollystanford said:


> Lovely, so you don't make enough money for her (does she actually have a job or is she sitting at home waiting for you to provide) so she sends you off to earn more money and then cheats as soon as you're gone


She left her job on her own so she can focus on taking care of our children especially that I am already away. The worst thing of her also is she cannot manage finances properly and just went on spending sprees to buy new clothes, prep herself up to maintain her "beauty"... only to realize that she is doing it of the OM. Really really sucks!


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## The bishop (Aug 19, 2012)

Yeah... She certainly likes the idea of you being away while paying for her lively hood.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

PNG24 said:


> She left her job on her own so she can focus on taking care of our children especially that I am already away. The worst thing of her also is she cannot manage finances properly and just went on spending sprees to buy new clothes, prep herself up to maintain her "beauty"... only to realize that she is doing it of the OM. Really really sucks!


Children she said she would also willingly leave for OM.Self-centered in my opinion and not much substance as a wife and mother.You all deserve better.


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## 45188 (Sep 13, 2012)

Your wife makes me kind of sick. Dollys interpretation of her was spot on. She wanted a sugar daddy and saw you were willing to be one. Taking care of the children eh? Bull! This woman sounds very very conniving and you're just hopelessly in love with a lie of what you thought her to be.


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## martyc47 (Oct 20, 2011)

Dollystanford said:


> Lovely, so you don't make enough money for her (does she actually have a job or is she sitting at home waiting for you to provide) so she sends you off to earn more money and then cheats as soon as you're gone
> 
> You need to get back home, have it out with her, look in her eyes and tell her you won't be anyone's second best. You certainly won't be working your ass off in another country, away from your family, paying for your wife to have her dalliances without the old man hanging around cramping her style
> 
> Some chicks!


Yep.
She didn't want OP as a husband. Just a sugar Daddy.
How can you be in a relationship abroad? I understand some people have a duty or obligation or feel a need to work far from home for whatever reason. However, this is not one of those cases. She exiled her husband so he could support her lifestyle and he could get nothing in return.


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## KnK (Oct 15, 2012)

I think she should seek psychiatric care. Anyone who tells her husband to hang around because her love affair may not work out has to have some bad mental issues.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

She would be willing to leave her children for her AP? Even with her faithful husband being abroad? Huh? Or rather 

If you can get a new job back home to save your children being dumped by her in foster care or in a children's home, or worse, do it ASAP.
*
Your wife is living in a dangerous fantasy world that might be endangering your children.*


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

It sounds to me like she is using you for the financial security you provide, but wants to be with someone else instead. Time to draw a line that says "if you want my money, you have to hand over your heart." If she's not interested in really being married to you, don't support her financially anymore!


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## DavidWYoung (Feb 3, 2012)

Any woman that would leave her kids to be with another man and his kids is just BROKEN. Earn enough money at your present job to quit and start a new life with a new women. Life will be racing ahead, weather you are on it or not. 
Your wife is not your wife anymore, nor is she your friend or lover or whatever...she is just an air breathing POS. Start your new life, like Jesus did after three days.... God has given you a new day to enjoy his fruits.... Go forward and do good in his name, and dump this BITC#!


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

PNG24 said:


> Hello.
> *However, five months in my job abroad, I was devastated when I found out that she is having an affair ONLINE with her old friend from high school.* The guy was already separated from his wife several years back and also have kids.
> 
> But the worst thing is, my wife told me that she has fallen out of love from me. *They never have met in person with the guy and just communicated online but she said she has already fallen in love with him. She even told me at first that she was willing to leave me and my kids for the guy even if they have not met in person yet, so no physical relationship happened.. yet.* She said the guy is also working abroad up to end of 2013, thus she told me that anything can still happen and that I should just hang on because her love may also not last. This devastates me the more as she made me a reserve whenever her love for him doesn't succeed.


OP, I'm confused. You said the guy was a HS friend of your wife's, but you proceed to state that the two of them have never met before. I'd hate to accuse you of being a troll, so if you could clarify this then it would be helpful for the group. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and that your story is true.


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## controlledchaos (Oct 14, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> OP, I'm confused. You said the guy was a HS friend of your wife's, but you proceed to state that the two of them have never met before. I'd hate to accuse you of being a troll, so if you could clarify this then it would be helpful for the group. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and that your story is true.


I think he just worded it badly and meant that they haven't met up/seen each other in person since starting their online relationship.


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

i would put some money into the accounts for the kids, then the rest with you,give her a rude wake up call..


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## Vanguard (Jul 27, 2011)

Serve her with papers. Make it a delightful surprise for her. If I told you the success rate of online relationships transferring to actual relationships you'd cackle in hysteria. 

She's using you so she can have a fantasy with some faceless, spineless typist out there somewhere, and yet retain the financial security being fed to her by her husband. And the society in which we live is extremely conducive to this type of behavior. 

So don't reward it. File for divorce, kick her out and see how her lover, who is for all practical purposes, a computer monitor, takes care of her. She'll come crying back to you begging for a second chance. 

Then smile and tell her no.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

The bishop said:


> Yeah... She certainly likes the idea of you being away while paying for her lively hood.


Agree. The OW in my STBEH's affair also had a husband who travelled a lot and earned big bucks to pay for her frequent spa treatment, hair salon visits, and plastic surgeries. 

In one email she noted that when her husband was travelling she was the happiest she ever is in her life. 

But of course, it gave her plenty of freedom to cheat without getting caught. 

Someone finally outed the affair, though, and she did get caught.


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## foreverhealing (Oct 14, 2012)

Yes, she's taking advantage of your love for her. Using you in the worst way. Move home to your kids and serve her papers. You deserve someone who loves you.


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## Emerald (Aug 2, 2012)

Yet another spoiled, entitled princess....sigh.

It is obvious what is happening here.

The OM is promising her the big house, nice car & fancy clothes.

If he doesn't come through fast enough for her, she dumps him & looks for the next sugar daddy. You didn't provide those things fast enough for her.

You felt so lucky to have such a gorgeous girl love you that you even quit a stable job to make more money for her but it's not enough for her, it never will be.

Your story is sad. I feel bad for you & your children.


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## PNG24 (Oct 13, 2012)

Plan 9 from OS said:


> OP, I'm confused. You said the guy was a HS friend of your wife's, but you proceed to state that the two of them have never met before. I'd hate to accuse you of being a troll, so if you could clarify this then it would be helpful for the group. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt and that your story is true.


Sorry If I may have confused you. They used to know each other way back in high school (about 15-16 years ago). They only met again just this year thru facebook. The AP told her that he used to have a crush on her back in high school.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Well time to cut some of those funds.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You started by saying that your wife is beautiful and you are not in her league.

Trust me, you are much, much better than she is. You are the sort of man many good women would be happy to know.


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## PNG24 (Oct 13, 2012)

Update on this matter:

Just last weekend I told her that I am letting her go. I said I would come home this December to finalize things and arrange for our kids. I felt actually relieved when I started to think that I deserve better than her. And that I have greater life ahead of me. I told her to just be happy with the OM and I would do the same with my life and maybe find someone who would really care for me and deserve my affection. She never said a word that night.

The next day, she was leaving about 30 messages on my cell to call her and wanted to talk to me. I ignored it at least until the evening of the same day. She told me that she doesn't want to lose me. She cried he hearts out of the thought of losing me. But at the same time she said its also hard for her to let to of the OM at that instant. (Wow!) And needs more time to let go of the OM as she said she feels weak to do it. She wants me to be there for her this December so it would be easy for her to move on and forget about the OM, and that she is struggling to do so if I am not yet with her. Could this be possible? That only when I will be at home that my presence could maybe help her forget about the OM? I know there's no assurance that it would happen but I really am confused. I started thinking about saving the marriage again. But it really pissed me off that they are still communicating with each other. I don't know if I should still hang on or just ignore all this circus!

Also, she tried several times already to move away from the OM for the last 2 months, but still end up communicating with him again. 

She has always been a clingy type of a wife. She can never do anything without me on her side. She is like always depending on me on all things. It is the first time since we got married that I have been away this long.

By the way, just to have some more facts about my story. I left for abroad last March 2012. I found out about the affair last August and that just started last June as she told me. So I struggle on this problem for almost 3 months now.

Thanks for all the comments and advise. I hope to hear more from concerned people out there.


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## PNG24 (Oct 13, 2012)

Update on this matter:

Just last weekend I told her that I am letting her go. I said I would come home this December to finalize things and arrange for our kids. I felt actually relieved when I started to think that I deserve better than her. And that I have greater life ahead of me. I told her to just be happy with the OM and I would do the same with my life and maybe find someone who would really care for me and deserve my affection. She never said a word that night.

The next day, she was leaving about 30 messages on my cell to call her and wanted to talk to me. I ignored it at least until the evening of the same day. She told me that she doesn't want to lose me. She cried he hearts out of the thought of losing me. But at the same time she said its also hard for her to let to of the OM at that instant. (Wow!) And needs more time to let go of the OM as she said she feels weak to do it. She wants me to be there for her this December so it would be easy for her to move on and forget about the OM, and that she is struggling to do so if I am not yet with her. Could this be possible? That only when I will be at home that my presence could maybe help her forget about the OM? I know there's no assurance that it would happen but I really am confused. I started thinking about saving the marriage again. But it really pissed me off that they are still communicating with each other. I don't know if I should still hang on or just ignore all this circus!

Also, she tried several times already to move away from the OM for the last 2 months, but still end up communicating with him again. 

She has always been a clingy type of a wife. She can never do anything without me on her side. She is like always depending on me on all things. It is the first time since we got married that I have been away this long.

By the way, just to have some more facts about my story. I left for abroad last March 2012. I found out about the affair last August and that just started last June as she told me. So I struggle on this problem for almost 3 months now.

Thanks for all the comments and advise. I hope to hear more from concerned people out there.


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## exhaustedwife (Oct 15, 2012)

so sorry this has happened. . .

it's so sad when long meaningful marriages come to an end like this. . . .

I hope you can work it out, if you really love eachother. . .


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

You can't cave now. You should stay strong and firm. She has basically cheated on you & has to know what the consequences are. Some people come back from this, but I don't think that can happen unless you lay down the law & tell her what you will and won't accept. You've told her you won't accept a wife who's doing what she's doing. Stick with that.

Don't give her an inch and certainly not until the OM is completely gone. And she will have to prove to you that he is gone.


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## Acabado (May 13, 2012)

Poor thing, can't stop eating cake. Be understanding, man.
W.T.F.!

Go dark on her!
You relly deserve better.


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## kenmoore14217 (Apr 8, 2010)

"She wants me to be there for her this December so it would be easy for her to move on and forget about the OM"

OMG!!! It's a "Festivus Miracle"


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

OK, here is what you do. 

You tell her you are still letting her go. Tell her you don't want or need someone who is so weak they fell in love with someone thru the internet, and is ready to leave her kids for him.

Tell her you need a WOMAN, not some lil immature kid that can't seprate real life from fantasy. 

The next thing you do is have your pay go into your parents account. You said you live next door in the duplex.
That way, your bills get paid and your kids get the things they need, but she won't have your money to waste on cheaters drawers.

And dude, think about the kind of woman she has revealed herself to be.
Will this be the last time she do something like this ???


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## 67flh (Sep 26, 2011)

buddy the ONLY reason she wants you to eait till dec is so she can get her finances in order by raping you further..i would keep a damn close eye on my credit reports and any loans being takin out in you name by her.i like the idea of sending the money to your parents acct,but i would cancel any cc cards she has control of...


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Yes send only so much a month and save the rest for a retainer for a shark atty. screw the internet cancel it she can pay for it and get a part time job!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Tony55 (Jun 8, 2012)

God is everything, God blessed you with two children, but He didn't stop there. You were blessed with a cheating wife, one who is manipulative (convincing you to go overseas) and inconsiderate. Your family has been blessed with a stranger who will help remove your dishonest wife. You were blessed with financial hardship to bring out your wife's true character. and finally, you were blessed with a job overseas, coincidentally just like the other man.

*You're wife has been talking to him a log time, she got the idea for the overseas job from him.

Time to man up, right now, no pu55y footing around. Serve her with divorce papers, shock her back into reality.
*
This is your one, most powerful moment, right now, to take control of the situation. Anything less and you weaken your chances of squashing this. If you want to stay married then you need to apply the nuclear option now; that will get her head out of the clouds. Stand up and be a man now, and God will bless you with a content wife.


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