# Should I be Concerned??



## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

My husband and I have been together 13 years married almost 10. Since I first met him he has always given me something for Valentines Day, even if it's just a card. We have been having some ups and downs lately due to some medical issues on my part. I know it seems petty and maybe materialistic but this is the first time in 13 years that I have gotten nothing. Should this concern me? Would it concern any other veterans?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Not enough info.
Any other changes? Sex good, ok, different, non-existent?
Acting distant?
Always on phone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

He spent the whole day with me, which I thought was good. Sex is a hard topic as it is part of one of my medical issues. I think for the most part I am the distant partner feeling less of a woman as I cannot please him like I used to. Things have been different lately but he has been understanding I on the other hand have been feeling self-conscious about our relationship. I guess this just made me feel like things were really bad.


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## Ol'Pal (Aug 24, 2015)

If it's just the Valentine's day part, I wouldn't sweat it.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

If he spent the whole day with you, and you both had a good time it's probsbly nothing. Wish I could offer more. There's lots of ways to take care of a man's needs for sex. Might be good to try--- bj's hand jobs, etc. A man needs to feel the intimacy of sex as much as the sex itself. We aren't like some women think--- it's not all about just the sex. 
Not what you asked about......
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

I was pretty much sick the whole time but I did try to stay up. I am concerned about the sex I have tried bj's and hand jobs I am not so great at them as I used to be back when we were teens ( I know that is TMI). My body right now doesn't really respond to sex and that keeps me depressed because he definitely has a huge drive. I guess since we have been having our downs lately I am just unsure if I should take the no Vday gift lightly or as a sign to the demise of our marriage.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

I did get him a card and him and our two sons an edible arrangement. He did wake up and tell me Happy V-Day read the card and I got a thank you but that was all.....


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Gift giving may not be one of his love languages. He may have been testing you to see how you would react if he stopped doing VD gifts. You did not protest, so he might not give you a VD gift next year. If gift receiving is important to you, you need to let him know that by making him know how much you appreciate the gifts, both large and small. 

Now, if he skips a gift on your BD, that would be a bigger problem.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

JustChardae said:


> I was pretty much sick the whole time but I did try to stay up. I am concerned about the sex* I have tried bj's and hand jobs I am not so great at them as I used to be back when we were teens ( I know that is TMI)*. My body right now doesn't really respond to sex and that keeps me depressed because he definitely has a huge drive. I guess since we have been having our downs lately I am just unsure if I should take the no Vday gift lightly or as a sign to the demise of our marriage.


Kind of a stupid question - if you enjoy giving those, then why not work on getting better?

As to the gift, you need to talk to him. Perhaps his being with you was what he thought you needed more than some present or card.

I'll be honest, I would much rather have my SO pull me to the side and give me a HJ or BJ than receive any card or present any time - that intimacy means so much more than any card or gift


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

snerg said:


> Kind of a stupid question - if you enjoy giving those, then why not work on getting better?
> 
> As to the gift, you need to talk to him. Perhaps his being with you was what he thought you needed more than some present or card.
> 
> I'll be honest, I would much rather have my SO pull me to the side and give me a HJ or BJ than receive any card or present any time - that intimacy means so much more than any card or gift


I wish the answer was easy, when we were teens it used to be so easy for me to be able to. Now I'm always sick and I tend to gag a lot if that's not TMI. I would love to pull him to the side make love and give him some of the best oral sex in the world! I can't and then I get embarrassed that I can't please him in any manner. It is a hard thing when my body doesn't respond to him and it doesn't have anything to do with him but only me. I think he is taking that pretty well considering he has a high sex drive.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

OliviaG said:


> Then I don't think it's a good sign. It sounds like your husband was sending you a message.
> 
> Not all men celebrate VD and if he was one that doesn't that would be different. But since he's always remembered before, and he said nothing at all about not buying you something, then he's telling you he feels disconnected from you, I think.
> 
> ...


I know it is but he isn't wanting to share those feelings with me. IDK what to really do. I know this is causing a huge drift between us.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Sounds like a lot of excuses. Can you not get your body healthier? I just ended a 7 year marriage due to no intimacy. It weighs on you and makes you look at the greener grass. Hell, any kind of grass is better than dirt! 

If he's not getting good sex from you, he'll look elsewhere if he's normal. Do whatever you can to get the sex life going again....trust me.


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## snerg (Apr 10, 2013)

JustChardae said:


> I wish the answer was easy, when we were teens it used to be so easy for me to be able to. Now I'm always sick and I tend to gag a lot if that's not TMI. I would love to pull him to the side make love and give him some of the best oral sex in the world! I can't and then I get embarrassed that I can't please him in any manner. It is a hard thing when my body doesn't respond to him and it doesn't have anything to do with him but only me. I think he is taking that pretty well considering he has a high sex drive.


To avoid too much TMI, then work on tongue and kissing techniques while becoming a master at HJ.

I dated a woman in college who was not going to have PIV sex, no matter what. She wasn't going to risk getting preggers. However, she took her time to learn how to give amazing HJ's. TBH, those HJ's were some of the best I have ever received prior to marriage and totally worth not having PIV sex.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Sounds like a lot of excuses. Can you not get your body healthier? I just ended a 7 year marriage due to no intimacy. It weighs on you and makes you look at the greener grass. Hell, any kind of grass is better than dirt!
> 
> If he's not getting good sex from you, he'll look elsewhere if he's normal. Do whatever you can to get the sex life going again....trust me.


Yeah sure let me just get my body healthier. I am going through something medically not an excuse and that is something we are dealing with. I wish I knew a way to tell my body to get healthy without having to take all the medicines I am taking and going through test after test. If he was all in for the sex only it would be a problem and I have thought of him probably looking elsewhere glad that he's not so far...I would hope that he can stick through this with me if not I will suffer the consequences.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

Let me just get it out the way. I am undergoing test for Cervical Cancer, I tend to bleed while trying to have intercourse or get very dry. It makes sex either a war zone or painful and in the end him not satisfied. This is my body's doing and so far no explanation from 4 different doctors other than the possibility of cancer. Can you imagine me as a wife and how this makes me feel.. probably not but that's ok I am dealing. I have tried other options such as BJ's and since my stomach is already queezy most of the time I usually end up gagging and vomiting on him or myself which who really wants to endure that. I have switched to HJ but I am not to great with that and usually it isn't satisfying to him to have to stop and show me what he likes or how he likes it. There is my exposure and my embarrassment.


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

GuyInColorado said:


> Sounds like a lot of excuses. Can you not get your body healthier? I just ended a 7 year marriage due to no intimacy. It weighs on you and makes you look at the greener grass. Hell, any kind of grass is better than dirt!
> 
> If he's not getting good sex from you, he'll look elsewhere if he's normal. Do whatever you can to get the sex life going again....trust me.


That's rude, she has medical problems, she isn't choosing to not have sex with her husband like your wife chose not to have sex with you. I would hope that he would understand what you are going through and he will live if your sex life isn't as great as it once was. I'm sure if he was going through ED or any other medical problems and couldn't have sex as often as you use to you would be supportive. That's called marriage, in sickness and in health.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Yeah, I apologize. My post was out of line.

But hearing "I'm not good at HJs" is an excuse.  Get better! Let him titty f*ck the crap out of you! IMO, that feels just as good as sex, sometimes better. Get busy trying to please him!

Oh funny storry... I only once titty f*cked my wife and she told me years later how it hurt her, since it was something I saw in a porn video and it felt so dirty. Don't be like her!! lol


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

JustChardae said:


> Let me just get it out the way. I am undergoing test for Cervical Cancer, I tend to bleed while trying to have intercourse or get very dry. It makes sex either a war zone or painful and in the end him not satisfied. This is my body's doing and so far no explanation from 4 different doctors other than the possibility of cancer. Can you imagine me as a wife and how this makes me feel.. probably not but that's ok I am dealing. I have tried other options such as BJ's and since my stomach is already queezy most of the time I usually end up gagging and vomiting on him or myself which who really wants to endure that. I have switched to HJ but I am not to great with that and usually it isn't satisfying to him to have to stop and show me what he likes or how he likes it. There is my exposure and my embarrassment.


This sucks. I think you should talk to your husband. I was in a relationship when I went through radiation and chemo and after awhile she would get really upset b/c I was not as affectionate, etc.; we did not have sex at all. Well, I talked to my therapist about it. My body was in pure survival mode and when you go there, the first things to go are emotions and physical affection. 

I really could not do anything physically for several months. Do not feel badly about that. Good Lord he should be working at supporting you and encouraging you. Not an easy thing to go through. 

Prayers to you.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Yeah, I apologize. My post was out of line.
> 
> But hearing "I'm not good at HJs" is an excuse. Get better! Let him titty f*ck the crap out of you! IMO, that feels just as good as sex, sometimes better. Get busy trying to please him!
> 
> Oh funny storry... I only once titty f*cked my wife and she told me years later how it hurt her, since it was something I saw in a porn video and it felt so dirty. Don't be like her!! lol


wow.


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

Just Chardae-- you may not even be aware of it but you are likely in a bit of shock/trauma. I think, looking back at my experience, I was positive and did my best but I was not myself for sure. If you can, please get a counselor, just to talk stuff out. I was fortunate that my insurance covered 100% of that so I did utilize it and it helped me keep perspective. 

There are times when you really need to be selfish and your husband should be ok with that; if you are worried about the VDay thing, I think, given the circumstances, just say it.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Ask him.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Blondilocks said:


> Ask him.


DANG IT. I missed it by FOUR MINUTES!!!

Just ask him.

And as far as not being able to please a high drive man...

...when did you fall out of love with him?


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

No more excuses on the HJ. Put aside your pride and ask! Learn - watch porn - there are a million ways to perform a hj! A little tongue and kissing the head and kissing him and you will be able to stodgy his need for intimacy. You don't have to deep throat him no ones saying that...

If you fail to take the time - and effort - that he longs for, you may lose him.

My W and I did t have PIV for close to 20 years due to medical issues, pain, etc. recently we restarted and we say a sex therapist. Believe me there are many options.


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## MRR (Sep 14, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> No more excuses on the HJ. Put aside your pride and ask! Learn - watch porn - there are a million ways to perform a hj! A little tongue and kissing the head and kissing him and you will be able to stodgy his need for intimacy. You don't have to deep throat him no ones saying that...
> 
> If you fail to take the time - and effort - that he longs for, you may lose him.
> 
> My W and I did t have PIV for close to 20 years due to medical issues, pain, etc. recently we restarted and we say a sex therapist. Believe me there are many options.


This is totally relative. Like I said before, there can come a point where you are in survival mode, but also facing the possibility of having cancer combined with the meds needed for the tests, a bit of shock/trauma, a low or non existent sex drive is allowed. That should be totally up to OP at this point. If the OP is using it as an excuse and she is totally capable of sexual activity feeling normal and just doesnt want to do it, that is a marital issue. However all medical issues aside, if she doesnt feel anything sexual for her husband and she just goes along with somethng she doesnt enjoy, neither of them will be happy (most likely).


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Yeah, I apologize. My post was out of line.
> 
> But hearing "I'm not good at HJs" is an excuse. Get better! Let him titty f*ck the crap out of you! IMO, that feels just as good as sex, sometimes better. Get busy trying to please him!
> 
> Oh funny storry... I only once titty f*cked my wife and she told me years later how it hurt her, since it was something I saw in a porn video and it felt so dirty. Don't be like her!! lol


I have no boobs he's out of there in that dept lol. I do try to please it is just tough in my position. I guess I should try harder maybe I'll think of something.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

GuyInColorado said:


> Sounds like a lot of excuses. Can you not get your body healthier? I just ended a 7 year marriage due to no intimacy. It weighs on you and makes you look at the greener grass. Hell, any kind of grass is better than dirt!
> 
> If he's not getting good sex from you, he'll look elsewhere if he's normal. Do whatever you can to get the sex life going again....trust me.





GuyInColorado said:


> Yeah, I apologize. My post was out of line.
> 
> But hearing "I'm not good at HJs" is an excuse. Get better! Let him titty f*ck the crap out of you! IMO, that feels just as good as sex, sometimes better. Get busy trying to please him!
> 
> Oh funny storry... I only once titty f*cked my wife and she told me years later how it hurt her, since it was something I saw in a porn video and it felt so dirty. Don't be like her!! lol


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

MRR said:


> Just Chardae-- you may not even be aware of it but you are likely in a bit of shock/trauma. I think, looking back at my experience, I was positive and did my best but I was not myself for sure. If you can, please get a counselor, just to talk stuff out. I was fortunate that my insurance covered 100% of that so I did utilize it and it helped me keep perspective.
> 
> There are times when you really need to be selfish and your husband should be ok with that; if you are worried about the VDay thing, I think, given the circumstances, just say it.


Talking has helped in some ways but I think the more I try to talk about it the more of a reality it is for me. I don't want to fall into depression but I have been seeking help. Thank you so much for the advice definitely needed.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

MachoMcCoy said:


> DANG IT. I missed it by FOUR MINUTES!!!
> 
> Just ask him.
> 
> ...


I did ask, but he said it was nothing. I didn't want to sound ungrateful so I just asked if it meant anything was wrong. He didn't give much away I guess I can ask again in a way that he can give me better understanding. I am still in love with him 100% I couldn't imagine life without him that's why this scares me.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

thanks for all the feedback rather it's the ugly truth from a guy's perspective and great advice from the women it is much needed. I know that sex is important I want to please him but right now I do need more support. I guess I have to face that things are changing for the first time in 13 years and I don't feel secure. I don't want him to feel left out either and I do consider his needs but I have to help myself first and so far he has been understanding but underneath it all it is taking a toll on him.


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## Cecezakat (Jun 20, 2015)

I don't know if I understood this wrong but a doctor told me before that cervical cancer is usually caused by HPV which is an STI. I've heard stories of women being infected by their husbands because it doesnt usually show symptoms in men and they don't realize they have HPV. I might be wrong and way off base.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

JustChardae said:


> I wish the answer was easy, *when we were teens it used to be so easy for me to be able to*. Now I'm always sick and I tend to gag a lot if that's not TMI. I would love to pull him to the side make love and give him some of the best oral sex in the world! I can't and then I get embarrassed that I can't please him in any manner. *It is a hard thing when my body doesn't respond to him and it doesn't have anything to do with him but only me*. I think he is taking that pretty well considering he has a high sex drive.


I'm not buying it Chardae. What changed? You don't love him as much. You're not attracted to him any more. Admit it. 

If my wife were to admit to me "honey, vaginal sex hurts for me, what else can we do"? We'd think of something. Even WITH a gag reflex. We'd get some olive oil and get creative. 

But she doesn't love me any more, so we don't. I'll bet you'll have a different excuse as to why YOU don't even try. What, it's "vanilla" or nothing and vanilla hurts too much so...nothing, right?

How convenient.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

Cecezakat said:


> I don't know if I understood this wrong but a doctor told me before that cervical cancer is usually caused by HPV which is an STI. I've heard stories of women being infected by their husbands because it doesnt usually show symptoms in men and they don't realize they have HPV. I might be wrong and way off base.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I was diagnosed with HPV stage 2-3 in 2006 but froze cancer cells then. Cervical cancer can come from HPV if not caught but also having a family history of it has played it's part in my case. HPV is picked up from a male partner because they are the carrier, it's been awhile since I've talked about it but I believe the facts are the same.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

MachoMcCoy said:


> I'm not buying it Chardae. What changed? You don't love him as much. You're not attracted to him any more. Admit it.
> 
> If my wife were to admit to me "honey, vaginal sex hurts for me, what else can we do"? We'd think of something. Even WITH a gag reflex. We'd get some olive oil and get creative.
> 
> ...


No excuse I love him, I am attracted to him nothing really has changed except me. You missed the points where I did mention that I have tried, forced myself to try harder and ended up vomiting all over him, tried again vomited all over myself. Went to the store and purchased lubricant for the first time which my God made me feel less of a woman because my body is not producing. These are not the only issues though, it is very painful and sometimes I tend to bleed like I am on my period which causes him to get anxious. It is not my lack of trying I mean I have tried the HJ but he ends up frustrated it is not my lack of trying ( I say this over and over) with that area he is just impatient and I can only imagine since it's been awhile that he wants to be able to let loose. What else can I try throw out some suggestions. I am certain if I didn't love him I wouldn't care to be on this website laying myself bare to ideas and opinions. I have been with this man through everything and I regret none of it and I love him more today even though I think things are off because of me. He was truly created for me from the top of his head to the tips of his toes.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> I'm not buying it Chardae. What changed? You don't love him as much. You're not attracted to him any more. Admit it.
> 
> If my wife were to admit to me "honey, vaginal sex hurts for me, what else can we do"? We'd think of something. Even WITH a gag reflex. We'd get some olive oil and get creative.
> 
> ...


Dude. JFC.

Calm the f*ck down w/ this sh*t already and actually read.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Stop being so helpless! Lube makes you less of a woman? You are embarrassed to ask how to please him? Come on you aren't trying at all


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

JustChardae said:


> I wish the answer was easy, when we were teens it used to be so easy for me to be able to. Now I'm always sick and I tend to gag a lot if that's not TMI. I would love to pull him to the side make love and give him some of the best oral sex in the world! I can't and then I get embarrassed that I can't please him in any manner. It is a hard thing when my body doesn't respond to him and it doesn't have anything to do with him but only me. I think he is taking that pretty well considering he has a high sex drive.


You have nothing to feel guilty about...your health issues are out of your control. Having said that, he is human...he feels the difference in the relationship, but maybe he is sad that you are sick.  He sounds kind, and the lack of a gift, might be because he is worried for you, and his mind is elsewhere. 

I have a feeling that he misses you...misses what you both had before you got sick. That is what I would discuss with him. Not V-day gifts, and blow jobs. I have a feeling it's not at all about either one. I hope you heal soon. ((hugs))


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Stop being so helpless! Lube makes you less of a woman? You are embarrassed to ask how to please him? Come on you aren't trying at all


your opinion... You have very little understanding to what I am going through and I appreciate the advice but you will never get it. Listen or in this case read more and speak (type) less. I have tried and for the most part I haven't given up. If sex is that important to him instead of him being the man I need to understand what I am going through then tough sh**. You don't have to get it and I pray he doesn't end up like the kind of guy you are portraying to be. Again you didn't read, I am not embarrassed asking him how to please him he has no patience to teach me. I am embarrassed purchasing lubricant because my body doesn't perform...did you even read?!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

MachoMcCoy said:


> I'm not buying it Chardae. What changed? You don't love him as much. You're not attracted to him any more. Admit it.
> 
> If my wife were to admit to me "honey, vaginal sex hurts for me, what else can we do"? We'd think of something. Even WITH a gag reflex. We'd get some olive oil and get creative.
> 
> ...


I hope you never end up ill and someone whom you love...treats you like this.


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## JustChardae (Feb 15, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> You have nothing to feel guilty about...your health issues are out of your control. Having said that, he is human...he feels the difference in the relationship, but maybe he is sad that you are sick.  He sounds kind, and the lack of a gift, might be because he is worried for you, and his mind is elsewhere.
> 
> I have a feeling that he misses you...misses what you both had before you got sick. That is what I would discuss with him. Not V-day gifts, and blow jobs. I have a feeling it's not at all about either one. I hope you heal soon. ((hugs))


Thank you, I guess I will just have to communicate this one to him thoroughly. I know he loves me I guess it just was a shock to me. My self esteem isn't helping but lord knows I am trying. I wish he would talk to me more as well because I know he is feeling these effects and I know he has feelings I need to consider. If it were by choice that I wasn't performing then maybe I would feel bad but I don't have a choice and I wish others understood that. I am hoping that maybe he didn't want to be romantic knowing I can't give him that in return. Thanks again for the support!


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

JustChardae said:


> Thank you, I guess I will just have to communicate this one to him thoroughly. I know he loves me I guess it just was a shock to me. My self esteem isn't helping but lord knows I am trying. I wish he would talk to me more as well because I know he is feeling these effects and I know he has feelings I need to consider. If it were by choice that I wasn't performing then maybe I would feel bad but I don't have a choice and I wish others understood that. I am hoping that maybe he didn't want to be romantic knowing I can't give him that in return. Thanks again for the support!


It's anyone's guess, because we aren't him...but, I'm thinking he might be sad about your health issues. He might be in a daze, you know? I would discuss allllll of these feelings with him, he is your husband, and he might surprise you as to what he says. 

I understand you feel 'less than a woman,' but you are not well right now, please don't let this stress you out because stress isn't good for our health. I hope things get better all the way around.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Stop being so helpless! Lube makes you less of a woman? You are embarrassed to ask how to please him? Come on you aren't trying at all


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

JustChardae said:


> TheTruthHurts said:
> 
> 
> > Stop being so helpless! Lube makes you less of a woman? You are embarrassed to ask how to please him? Come on you aren't trying at all
> ...


You are acting selfish and self focused and weak in my opinion. My wife almost died in childbirth and had surgery which prevented PIV sex - horrible pain during periods -2-4 times normal ibuprofen dosage for years... Yes I have cancer... Yes I had prostate biopsies causing me to shoot blood instead of semen... Blah blah blah

I don't doubt your pain or medical issues but I am happy to call out your self pity which may result in your H leaving some day. That's all - not here for my health.

Oh yeah many types of lube because of atrophy perhaps but definitely no more natural lubrication.


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## FrazzledSadHusband (Jul 3, 2014)

JustChardae - some of the comments are way out of line. You are facing a major health battle, and you still came to TAM for help. My hat is off to you.

Intimacy does not always have to be PIV. How about taking a shower together, spend some time washing each other, give oral until he is close, then finish him with your hand.

Put some lube between your thighs, let him rub against the outside of your body.

Sleep naked together.

Ask him if he would like to masturbate to you posing nude on bed, be his private centerfold.

Being willing to spend time means a lot.

Have a conversation with him about the gift, and let him know you want to have as much intimacy with him as you can without it hurting you.


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## soccermom2three (Jan 4, 2013)

Reading some of the comments on this thread makes me appreciate my husband even more and I didn't think that was possible. 

Now I know why some of your marriages are for ****.


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

How long have these issues been going in? Weeks, months, longer? Is there a reason it would take an extended time to diagnose cervical cancer? I would think that that would be pretty urgent to get a cancer diagnosis fairly quickly. 

My suggestion - go get some coconut oil. Search for hand job techniques. Watch and learn from some videos. Then blow his mind! There is not too much to figure out. And you can kiss, lick, touch without causing a gag reflex. Do all you can and let him touch you too with some coconut oil, even if it is just a body massage and you might be surprised how connected you can feel.


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## Celes (Apr 28, 2015)

TheTruthHurts said:


> You are acting selfish and self focused and weak in my opinion. My wife almost died in childbirth and had surgery which prevented PIV sex - horrible pain during periods -2-4 times normal ibuprofen dosage for years... Yes I have cancer... Yes I had prostate biopsies causing me to shoot blood instead of semen... Blah blah blah
> 
> I don't doubt your pain or medical issues but I am happy to call out your self pity which may result in your H leaving some day. That's all - not here for my health.
> 
> Oh yeah many types of lube because of atrophy perhaps but definitely no more natural lubrication.


Get off your high horse. She's here asking for help and suggestions. I'd hardly call that selfish. So much projection going on in this thread, it's amazing. 

OP, I agree with researching HJ techniques. Even watching porn videos, there are lots of instructional videos that aren't so bad if you're not a porn person. 

As for the lack of a gift, it's possible he just didn't think of it. Maybe he is stressed with what is happening to you? I've been with my husband 5 years and this is the first year he didn't get me anything. He says he got lazy this year. He's been running around doing a million things. Maybe it's the same with your husband. If he says there's no reason, it's possible that there really is no reason other than he slacked off.


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## Joe75 (Oct 12, 2013)

Hi JustChardae

The following is submitted for your consideration.

Your Husband being reluctant to talk. It is quite conceivable that your husband is fearful for you due to your medical condition. But he wants to remain strong for you and not burden you with his uncertainties. Therefore, in order to keep his emotions in check and be there for you, he is reluctant to give voice to them. Further, through no fault of your own, the marriage is presently sexless. You husband understands the reason why and in order to not to put pressure on you, he is giving you ‘space’. Also being human, quite likely there is a “woe is me” in the back reaches of his mind which he wants to keep there and not to inadvertently to come out during any discussion. Due to the above, and thinking he is doing right by you, the unintended result, and possible assisted by your “distant”, is the rising wall between you both that he may not be aware of. 

JC, continuing to engage your husband in dialogue is encouraged. If your husband is still reluctant/struggling to open up, you may want to try this. Put a penny in front of him. When he asks what the penny is for - you say for his thoughts and now that you have paid for them, you would like them please.

All the Best

Joe75


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

WOW. Because we're not nice-nice to her we're ridiculed? Who gets to choose which threads we have to be nice on and which ones we can speak our minds? Is there a code? Sorry I missed it.

For the record, I wasn't projecting. My wife hates me an will give me PIV sex any time I want it. All of these other posters are saying the same thing I said only "nicer". Do I need to describe, in detail, how my wife can please me orally where gagging won't be an issue? Did I REALLY need to explain that the olive oil wasn't for vaginal lubrication?

Big deal. I implied that she wasn't trying. She WASN'T. My wife hates me but will give me sex, vaginal or oral, whatever I want. And I'd take a woman who LOVED ME and said "vaginal sex hurts, but let's see how creative we can get with this olive oil and a "Flesh Light"".

ANY DAY!!!!!

Sorry I'm not part of the "inner circle" here. But that HARDLY makes me wrong.

Good luck Chandrae. I'll be here when you need advice on how to get the biggest bang out of the ILYBINILWY speech. I'm the resident expert on that.


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Dude. JFC.
> 
> Calm the f*ck down w/ this sh*t already and actually read.


Including the poster, 6 people agree with this. I read EVERY word Gus. Every one. And I STILL stand by my opinion.


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

I just want to say that everybody has their own worst, ok, so fvck anybody who wants to devalidate your experiance because they experienced something they feel is worse.

I'll say it for you, "go fvck yourself, since that is all you seem to validate..."

...

Now, I'm sorry you are experiencing this hun, that is so tragic, my prayers go out to you and your husband at such a difficult time.

I just want to offer one last thing, the MAN CARD, I know it doesn't make up for a missed valentines day, but sometimes us guys procrastinate, forget, and then hide...

Maybe he put it off until it was too late, I'm sorry for him dear, it happens sometimes.

"Giggity Giggity!"


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

MachoMcCoy said:


> Including the poster, 6 people agree with this. I read EVERY word Gus. Every one. And I STILL stand by my opinion.


That's cool.

I'll stand by this one...



soccermom2three said:


> Reading some of the comments on this thread makes me appreciate my husband even more and I didn't think that was possible.
> 
> *Now I know why some of your marriages are for ****.*


_Posted via Mobile Device_


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