# Anyone else have a fear of being replaced or alone?



## seperatedandconfused (Apr 3, 2018)

Hubby and I are separated and things seem to get better then they take a plunge for the worse. I tend to put up with alot because I fear that he will replace me right away. I also fear the loneliness I will feel especially if I see him with another woman. Is this a natural feeling? Does anyone here feel the same way? Will this feeling go away?


----------



## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

It is a natural feeling, but not necessarily a natural fact.

The crap thing about it is the more you believe in the fallacy, the greater the likelihood it will become reality. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.


----------



## BradWesley2 (Jul 15, 2016)

seperatedandconfused said:


> Hubby and I are separated and things seem to get better then they take a plunge for the worse. I tend to put up with alot because I fear that he will replace me right away. I also fear the loneliness I will feel especially if I see him with another woman. Is this a natural feeling? Does anyone here feel the same way? Will this feeling go away?


I highly recommend that you get some Individual Counseling (IC) in order to help you with these issues.

As farsidejunky mentioned about self-fulfilling, it can also become all consuming.

Good luck.


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*My biggest personal fear is that after having been blatantly cheated on twice, in as many marriages, that if I were to find a woman who I deeply love, and she reciprocally loves me the very same way, even if she had the highest and strictest morals in the world, I greatly fear that, in time, despite all of this, somehow she would find it in her heart to ultimately cheat on me as well!

I know that is awfully far fetched, but that revolting prospect simply frightens me to death!*


----------



## veganmermaid (Jun 17, 2016)

seperatedandconfused said:


> Hubby and I are separated and things seem to get better then they take a plunge for the worse. I tend to put up with alot because I fear that he will replace me right away. I also fear the loneliness I will feel especially if I see him with another woman. Is this a natural feeling? Does anyone here feel the same way? Will this feeling go away?




Well, it’s possible that this scenario will unfold and you’ll feel that way. But it’s also possible that you’d enjoy the freedom of being authentic and having boundaries and not “putting up with a lot.” Its possible that YOU will grow and come into your own and find that you no longer want this relationship. It’s possible that you’ll keep “putting up with a lot” and drag this marriage along for another few years or the rest of your life.


----------



## Akinaura (Dec 6, 2011)

I used to feel that way, and as farside said, it almost became a self-fulfilling prophecy for me. Once I actually took a look at the fear (the fear of being alone and the fear of being replaced), I was offended at myself. Fear of being alone? I'd lived by myself 2 and 1/2 years before i met my hubby...I could handle it again if I needed to...so there went that fear. The fear of replacement is harder. You have to take stock of yourself and look at your *GOOD* points. It's what I did. I looked at what I brought to the marriage and realized if he wanted to walk away from that, he was a dang fool, because I had a lot to bring to the marriage.

Now I'm saying this as a married woman, not one dealing with a separation, so take my advice with a grain a salt. But take it at least for you, to get rid of those fears for you...no one else right now.


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

No. We separated after 3 plus decades marriage. No fears whatsoever. Alone is great. Beats being married and alone.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


----------



## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

Life is so much better now!

I can count on myself and there's no one to constantly let me down. 

There's also no battle with a person who was my complete opposite anymore.

It's freedom!


----------



## poida (Jan 17, 2014)

seperatedandconfused said:


> Hubby and I are separated and things seem to get better then they take a plunge for the worse. I tend to put up with alot because I fear that he will replace me right away. I also fear the loneliness I will feel especially if I see him with another woman. Is this a natural feeling? Does anyone here feel the same way? Will this feeling go away?


You seem personally insecure. You should see a counselor and work on that. A person who is secure in themselves is not anxious about being alone and will be able to form more health relationships in future.


----------



## Ms. Hawaii (Mar 28, 2018)

john117 said:


> No. We separated after 3 plus decades marriage. No fears whatsoever. Alone is great. Beats being married and alone.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Wait... when did this happen??? I thought you’d never pull the plug wow! 

Op: I’ve never been scared of being alone. Honestly, whether I’m single or not makes no difference to my happiness.


----------



## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I don't fear it, but I do often think of the possiblity that I'll be on my own for the remainder of my life.

It would be wonderful to have a man to share with, but I prefer to focus on being content and thankful for all I have right now, because my life is truly anything I choose to make it.

When I was married and raising young children, there were times I found myself very unhappy and lonely - even when surrounded by others, so I don't want to get caught up in thinking that another marriage would make life magically better.


----------



## Glamdaring (Apr 3, 2018)

seperatedandconfused said:


> Hubby and I are separated and things seem to get better then they take a plunge for the worse. I tend to put up with alot because I fear that he will replace me right away. I also fear the loneliness I will feel especially if I see him with another woman. Is this a natural feeling? Does anyone here feel the same way? Will this feeling go away?


I used to feel that way. Although I am still, or have just begun, to work on a menagerie of other issues I have, this particular issue I have overcome. I overcame it the hard way, as in I went through so much BS that I just woke up one day and decided I can't deal with this feeling anymore, my relationship will either be right or it'll be over I don't care which I just need some damn relief.

That put me on this long path I have been on to "fix" my marriage. Been trying unsuccessfully for some time. I found out yesterday that I have to fix me before I can even consider working on my relationship.

Consider that maybe, your emotional issues are what needs to be fixed first. I am on my second marriage, Went through some therapy during, and after, my first. I learned that the emotional roller coaster you describe usually has a pilot, and a co-pilot. 

Feeling like you can and will be replaced immediately gives the other person immense power over you and they will, maybe even unconsciously, use it.


----------



## Windwalker (Mar 19, 2014)

Nope, never had a fear of being alone. 8m my own best friend, why would I ever worry about being alone?

Replaced? Blah, things are replaced in people's life all the time. A better question is am I being replaced or am I getting freedom?

I'll take freedom every single time!


----------



## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Ms. Hawaii said:


> Wait... when did this happen??? I thought you’d never pull the plug wow!
> 
> Op: I’ve never been scared of being alone. Honestly, whether I’m single or not makes no difference to my happiness.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/showthread.php?t=405754

Single life is great except I'm busting my tail to get the McMansion pimped up for sale, and help DD1 move to her new college town...


----------



## Giantsfan1972 (Mar 15, 2018)

I can add my experience here, after my divorce, yes I was afraid of being alone.......but after alot of sleepless nights, I figured out I was more afraid of not seeing my boys everyday. She cheated, the marriage couldn't be repaired, but the loss of time with my boys killed me. I used to say it was like a haunted house the week I wouldn't have them.


----------



## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

Not sure if I read you right, if you thought he wouldn't be able to find someone else quickly you wouldn't be afraid? 

If that's what you mean, it doesn't make sense. If you want to stay w/ him, don't leave him. If you don't want to stay w/ him, you shouldn't care if he finds someone else, quickly or not.


----------



## sa58 (Feb 26, 2018)

Never fear being replaced or alone in any
type of relationship or just as you said 
you will put up with a lot. The other person
may pick up on this (she is afraid of losing me)
type attitude. There are plenty of single people 
in the world. Some people are looking for love
some are just looking for companionship.


----------

