# It’s me again lol is 3 months enough to forget someone?



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Hello... it’s me... AGAIN! I went on a date with a guy (he’s 27!! I’m 30) last Friday and the first date was cool and we ended up hanging out together with both his and my friends. It was so much fun seeing our friends mix together.
Then this Saturday he asked me out again and we hung out again with his friends and mine. At night he came over to spend the night (even though I told him we wouldn’t have sex or anything) and we watched a movie. Until we got to ex’s conversation. He was broken up with 3 months ago. I asked if he still liked her and he said no, that he’s moved on. I told him that he sounded hurt, and he said he was hurt that the relationship didn’t work, but that he was looking for someone else now, that he didn’t want to go back etc.
Then I told him that he might not be ready for a relationship because 3 months is such a short period. He said that he liked me a lot but I might be right, that maybe having a relationship with someone right now might look bad on him. And then I said that I don’t want to keep hanging out with him because I will get attached. He got kinda sad and bummed out because he said he was crushing on me and wanted to keep seeing me so we could build a connection, and told me a list of things of why he was so into me. And then I said “but build a connection for what? I’ll get hurt when you realize you don’t wanna see me anymore”. And he said that I could be right but we also could build something nice, that we never know.

I don’t know if I should keep seeing him. His friends and my friends already made plans for the summer.
It will be so much fun! But if I stop seeing him, then my friends and his friends won’t hang out again which sucks because we all form a very fun group of friends.
I think I’m just scared of opening up to him because I’ve been hurt before (you all know lol). But at the same time I’m also afraid because he just broke up.
3 months isn’t enough to fully forget someone in my opinion.

When he left my house I said I wouldn't see him again. A few hours later he texted me saying "I feel really bad  " and I texted back saying that we want different things and that's ok. That this is how life is.
And then today he texted me about something unrelated. I was expecting to never hear from him again, but he's keeping in touch.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

How long was his relationship? Why did it end?


----------



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> How long was his relationship? Why did it end?


One and a half years. She broke up because her feelings for him faded out. And he told me she's seeing someone already so I don't know why he cares that a new relationship might look bad on him.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

first of all depends on if he had a connection with the other person and why it ended and how it ended and if it had run out , for some days would be enough for others it can take years depends on how invested they were with the other person and how much they got hurt


----------



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> first of all depends on if he had a connection with the other person and why it ended and how it ended and if it had run out , for some days would be enough for others it can take years depends on how invested they were with the other person and how much they got hurt


Right, but the way he said "that I might be right, that maybe he isn't ready for another relationship and that having another girlfriend so soon might look bad on him". Wouldn't that be a red flag?


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Nina0 said:


> One and a half years. She broke up because her feelings for him faded out. And he told me she's seeing someone already so I don't know why he cares that a new relationship might look bad on him.


yes that sounded funny to me like as if he was not honest in his last relationship , like as if he got found with cheating in some way and now wants to show her he was not to blame ,


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Nina0 said:


> One and a half years. She broke up because her feelings for him faded out. And he told me she's seeing someone already so I don't know why he cares that a new relationship might look bad on him.


Ok so it's not as if it was a very long marriage or relationship. Was he very upset and hurt by her ending it?


----------



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Ok so it's not as if it was a very long marriage or relationship. Was he very upset and hurt by her ending it?


I felt like he was upset because he was like "Yes I am hurt that relationship didn't last because she said it would be forever and it was all lies. But I don't like her anymore, I'm looking for someone else." Those were his exact words. I, myself, am afraid of getting into a relationship also because I'm so tired of being hurt. If we keep hanging out then I will have to find another guy to hang out with until we decide if we want to be in a relationship, so I won't focus all my attention on him. But I don't know if this is who I am.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

why would he be wanting to keep up an outward image , it is like you don't often get someone telling others that I was to blame for me last relationship going on the rocks I cheated same as we saw all to ME TOO people coming out but no one ever comes out and say I RAPED X . just an example . it seems strange to be thinking of outward image if I liked someone I would go for it and feck what others think


----------



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

frenchpaddy said:


> why would he be wanting to keep up an outward image , it is like you don't often get someone telling others that I was to blame for me last relationship going on the rocks I cheated same as we saw all to ME TOO people coming out but no one ever comes out and say I RAPED X . just an example . it seems strange to be thinking of outward image if I liked someone I would go for it and feck what others think


YES!! I agree! Even he said later on "well, why do I care? I have evidences she's dating other people anyway"
I don't know why he would care and apparently not even he knows why he cares. That's strange.


----------



## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Does he still seem angry and hurt?


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

Nina0 said:


> I felt like he was upset because he was like "Yes I am hurt that relationship didn't last because she said it would be forever and it was all lies. But I don't like her anymore, I'm looking for someone else." Those were his exact words. I, myself, am afraid of getting into a relationship also because I'm so tired of being hurt. If we keep hanging out then I will have to find another guy to hang out with until we decide if we want to be in a relationship, so I won't focus all my attention on him. But I don't know if this is who I am.


first love is hard to get over , i know and to fully get over a relationship there are stages you go through and while your going through them it is hard to know if your over it or not it looks like the two of you are not in the right place yet , getting over a broken relationship is the same as if someone close died ,


----------



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Diana7 said:


> Does he still seem angry and hurt?


He sounded bummed out but not angry.


----------



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Oh a little detail that might be important!!! We only got into the ex's conversation because we were picking a movie and he said "I don't want to watch this movie. I watched it if my ex."


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

everyone is different some even know the relationship is over but when they are the one that get dumped they can't take that , it is not the fact they got dumped but more the fact it was the other person that got to do the dumping first they even go so far as to try to win the person back so they can then do the dumping , yes fairly mixed up but people are not simple


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I don't understand, this only came about because you told him he wasn't ready for a relationship. Wouldn't he know that for himself?


----------



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

frusdil said:


> I don't understand, this only came about because you told him he wasn't ready for a relationship. Wouldn't he know that for himself?


but he was the one who agreed with me and said that he might not be ready indeed. Everyone says "When a man tells you he's not ready for a relationship, believe him"


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

I would just say if you are habging out with others in summer take it slowly and see if there is a connection if he is into you as he said he will still want you yjen , you have nothing lost and he has had a little time to think of you and not the ex , and if by then he has another by then so what , this thing that romantic films say about he was the one is crap everyone can be happy with 100s of different people and every one brings out a different side in other people ,


----------



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Nina0 said:


> but he was the one who agreed with me and said that he might not be ready indeed. Everyone says "When a man tells you he's not ready for a relationship, believe him"


But he didn't tell you, you told him.


----------



## Nina0 (Mar 24, 2017)

Ok I will give this thing a chance then but be very skeptical, and if I end up getting hurt AGAIN then I will come back here and cry about it AGAIN. Let's see where it goes.


----------



## jjj858 (Jun 18, 2021)

Three months is 100% not enough time to have processed a break up at all. He’s obviously still hurting or affected by it and you’re risking being simply a rebound which never works out in the end. I’d remain cautious and keep your distance. Don’t just jump into this because it’s a guy and he’s paying attention to you. There are other guys out there. Don’t settle for one who makes you have to ask these kind of questions. There are already red flags here. Have a little more patience and keep looking.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

if your going into this go in with your eyes open but give it your full don't go in half hatred holding back because if your only half into it then it will not be his wrong if it did not work out but yours because you held something back and part of you wanted it not to work , are you ready for a relationship even if you get hurt again , it is like jumping out of a window with no net you have to be ready to did if it goes wrong but dieing is better that staying on the window type thing


----------



## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Nina0 said:


> Oh a little detail that might be important!!! We only got into the ex's conversation because we were picking a movie and he said "I don't want to watch this movie. I watched it if my ex."


Trying to avoid triggers...i get that. I wonder if him saying it might look bad on him, is thinking you might think he is shallow or not one to get emotionally connected.

I met my wife 2 mo before her divorce from a 10 yr marriage to a serial cheater was finalized. 7 months later we were married, that was 24 yrs ago. She was still upset and i took the brunt of it...until it was all out, have many scars that can not be seen from it. She was untrusting for a while in me, i was after all male. There were times she lashed out with words. Now i am the only person she trusts completely.


----------



## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

i think you see the red flags but want to be told it is ok go for it


----------



## coquille (May 8, 2018)

Nina0 said:


> Ok I will give this thing a chance then but be very skeptical, and if I end up getting hurt AGAIN then I will come back here and cry about it AGAIN. Let's see where it goes.


It sounds to me like he is ready to get with someone new but when he saw that you were hesitant, he had to slow down. You sound more hesitant than him to get into a relationship because you don't want to be hurt again. Loving someone means making yourself vulnerable, putting yourself out there and risking getting hurt. 

I do understand your trepidation, and I think both of you are right to be hesitant, but I don't think you should stop seeing each other. Take things slowly and start with a friendship and outings that involve the group of friends. Have an honest talk with him and say that both of you don't want to be hurt and it is better for you both to take things slowly. Don't jump into a relationship before you feel that each of you feels safe with the other.


----------



## Al_Bundy (Mar 14, 2021)

Silly question......why not just date without being serious and see where it goes? Date other people too. Let the cream rise to the top.


----------



## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

QUOTE="Nina0, post: 20322871, member: 282073"]
I felt like he was upset because he was like "Yes I am hurt that relationship didn't last because *she said it would be forever and it was all lies*. But I don't like her anymore, I'm looking for someone else." Those were his exact words. I, myself, am afraid of getting into a relationship also because I'm so tired of being hurt. If we keep hanging out then I will have to find another guy to hang out with until we decide if we want to be in a relationship, so I won't focus all my attention on him. But I don't know if this is who I am.
[/QUOTE]


this is a big red flag.


----------



## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

Nina0 said:


> I felt like he was upset because he was like "Yes I am hurt that relationship didn't last because she said it would be forever and it was all lies. But I don't like her anymore, I'm looking for someone else." Those were his exact words*. I, myself, am afraid of getting into a relationship also because I'm so tired of being hurt.* If we keep hanging out then I will have to find another guy to hang out with until we decide if we want to be in a relationship, so I won't focus all my attention on him. But I don't know if this is who I am.


Why did you go on a date then? And then another date, etc.....?


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Your plan B girl while waiting for the EX to come back around.....


----------

