# My husband doesn’t know sexual intimacy



## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

I have been married 11 months to a 48y/o child by default who knows absolutely NOTHING sexually. I have tried to teach him but he hasn’t caught on due to a learning disability. I do desire sex until I am thinking about getting it from someone else because my husband just can’t seem to be taught.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Wet Wet said:


> I have been married 11 months to a 48y/o child by default who knows absolutely NOTHING sexually. I have tried to teach him but he hasn’t caught on due to a learning disability. I do desire sex until I am thinking about getting it from someone else because my husband just can’t seem to be taught.


I guess you didn't "road tested him" before you got married to him?


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## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

In Absentia said:


> I guess you didn't "road tested him" before you got married to him?


Honestly I did but seems at that time I had blinders on and heard a voice telling me beforehand he was to be my husband.
As time progresses I see and learn things about him until now I’m in therapy learning to deal with his disabilities due to no faults of his own.
I’m yearning for intimacy and he thinks he is giving it to me.


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## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

If he's 48, what's your age range?

Have his testosterone levels been checked?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

So you're thinking of cheating instead of divorcing first?

Gross.


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## AC2021 (Aug 9, 2021)

Wet Wet said:


> I have been married 11 months to a 48y/o child by default who knows absolutely NOTHING sexually. I have tried to teach him but he hasn’t caught on due to a learning disability. I do desire sex until I am thinking about getting it from someone else because my husband just can’t seem to be taught.


Learning disability is a problem since it can affect emotional sphere too. And make it extremely difficult or impossible for him to find a mate. You have to try to deal with it but I dont suspect lasting relationship when this part of life is greatly out of tune.

Get him off with your hand, lips and then guide his to where you want them.. And remove distractors he may have such as porn, video games, excessive TV, substance use.. Good luck.


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## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

OnTheFly said:


> If he's 48, what's your age range?
> 
> Have his testosterone levels been checked?


I am 52…he has a high sex drive, he has a learning disability because he was born with different street drugs in his system due to his mom .
I am starting to see that he is aware of things and at times he’s not. 
He really thinks in the bedroom he has done something when the key never was in the door. No matter how hard I try to insert it.
He’s almost 400lbs in the mid section and I’m tired of the stomach being a hindrance. I keep telling him…


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

You’re 52, married only a year to a 400lb dude who doesn’t know how to have sex? Now you complain about his weight? Your picker couldn’t be more broken. Divorce him, chalk it up to a huge mistake, and learn how to pick people that you are compatible with. This mistake lands at your feet, not his.


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## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

frenchpaddy said:


> REDACTED





Livvie said:


> So you're thinking of cheating instead of divorcing first?
> 
> Gross.


The thought ran thru my mind but that would not be fair. 
I am definitely a real person and this is definitely a real issue and the only wrong thing is what my husband and I are dealing with.
I do Love my husband and talking to him is not working because he is not fully understanding and that’s why I see a therapist.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

frenchpaddy said:


> this topic seems to me that the op is playing with us , name and there is something sounds wrong


Aw come on…Wet wet seems totally innocent to me 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Aw come on…Wet wet seems totally innocent to me
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Wet Wet is TOTALLY innocent and TOTALLY real and with TOTALLY real issues.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

wet wet does the name come from still been wet behind the ears ? 
what can the therapist. do for you 
is the lover going to a therapist.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Wet, sorry a couple questions 

1. What attracted you to him In the first place....since you have only been married 11 months he couldn’t help Have changed that much?
2. Why did you not know about the extent of his disabilities?
3. Had either of you been married before?
Finally is an annulment out of the question?


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## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> Wet, sorry a couple questions
> 
> 1. What attracted you to him In the first place....since you have only been married 11 months he couldn’t help Have changed that much?
> 2. Why did you not know about the extent of his disabilities?
> ...


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## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

I was not attracted to him at first because he was not my type. I did not call back after I first date.
One morning I was driving to work and I literally heard a voice in my car telling me he was going to be my husband, it freaked me out.
As far as his disability I felt as if I could help seeing that I am in the medical field and seems as if no one ever reached out to help him except take advantage of him. 
I have been married before for 6yrs.
I Love him and not thinking of annulment.


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## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

Wet Wet said:


> I was not attracted to him at first because he was not my type. I did not call back after I first date.
> One morning I was driving to work and I literally heard a voice in my car telling me he was going to be my husband, it freaked me out.
> As far as his disability I felt as if I could help seeing that I am in the medical field and seems as if no one ever reached out to help him except take advantage of him.
> I have been married before for 6yrs.
> I Love him and not thinking of annulment.


I can understand how crazy or strange it sounds but I feel we are together for reasons I don’t know right now. I am sexually frustrated and I have medical issues and dealing with all that’s on my plate is heavy.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

i would hate to think that Waza is now trying to control my love life..😎


Okay back to your last statement...you love him...wonderful, tell me if the shoe was on the other foot if he was here telling us he loves you but you don’t put out in bed or whatever reason, would you feel that love from him if he sought out someone for sex? 

Your argument does not hold up.....if he never gets better in bed you will have to continue to have an f buddy...can you see how this model does not work?


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## Wet Wet (Aug 10, 2021)

Lostinthought61 said:


> i would hate to think that Waza is now trying to control my love life..😎
> 
> 
> Okay back to your last statement...you love him...wonderful, tell me if the shoe was on the other foot if he was here telling us he loves you but you don’t put out in bed or whatever reason, would you feel that love from him if he sought out someone for sex?
> ...


Believe me I thought about if the situation was on the other foot. Sure I have thought about f someone else but I know what the consequences would entail and it’s not worth it.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

Wet Wet said:


> Believe me I thought about if the situation was on the other foot. Sure I have thought about f someone else but I know what the consequences would entail and it’s not worth it.


So how do you envision a future given your current situation? 
Also have you thought of signing up for a couple get away weekends where they explore sexual newness with experts?


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## OddOne (Sep 27, 2018)

Wet Wet said:


> One morning I was driving to work and I literally heard a voice in my car telling me he was going to be my husband, it freaked me out.


Have you been diagnosed as a schizophrenic, or something? No offense intended, but you should not be making life decisions based on disembodied voices. Have you spoken with a psychiatrist about the voice?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Wet Wet said:


> He really thinks in the bedroom he has done something when the key never was in the door. No matter how hard I try to insert it.
> He’s almost 400lbs in the mid section and I’m tired of the stomach being a hindrance. I keep telling him…


So the first part there he can’t even tell if it’s in or not? Do you think it’s because his gut/overhang he probably can’t see what is going on down there?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Ouch! One person hearing voices of marriage, the other person not being able to hear anything at all. what a disconnect.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@Wet Wet You said he was 400 pounds in the mid section. Is 400 pounds his entire weight? In British terms 400 pounds is just a shade under 30 stones and that is very worrying, health-wise.

Why is he so obese? Is he under the care of a nutritionist?

His size would make intimate contact difficult in itself.


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## 342693 (Mar 2, 2020)

You been married 11 months...so I'm assuming he was 400 lbs or close when you got married. So it's hard to complain about his weight now. 

You said he has a high sex drive, I assume that includes he can get an erection? And are you sure you turn him on? If so, it sounds like a discussion about what turns you on and what you prefer in bed is in order.


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## CountryMike (Jun 1, 2021)

RebuildingMe said:


> You’re 52, married only a year to a 400lb dude who doesn’t know how to have sex? Now you complain about his weight? Your picker couldn’t be more broken. Divorce him, chalk it up to a huge mistake, and learn how to pick people that you are compatible with. This mistake lands at your feet, not his.


Yep.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Where do you think the voice was coming from? Did it confirm what you yourself felt or did it go against what you wanted?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

Wet Wet said:


> Honestly I did but seems at that time I had blinders on and heard a voice telling me beforehand he was to be my husband.
> As time progresses I see and learn things about him until now I’m in therapy learning to deal with his disabilities due to no faults of his own.
> I’m yearning for intimacy and he thinks he is giving it to me.


There's a lot of men without learning disabilities to have sex but are never really intimate with you and feeling it beyond the physical sensation. I would think that would be the least of your problems going forward if he is really kind of mentally disabled. You need to be staying on birth control long enough to find out if you want to stay in this marriage or not. About the best you can hope for here is that teach him the mechanics of it. Out for your ever going to be able to teach him passion and intimacy if you're not already getting it from him.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Wet Wet said:


> Wet Wet is TOTALLY innocent and TOTALLY real and with TOTALLY real issues.


Is this your first partner?

Are you your husbands first?

I just can’t understand, you didn’t go into this blindly. You say you have a high sex drive yet you didn’t notice that your boyfriend at the time never got it in?

🤔🤔🤔 BS


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## DudeInProgress (Jun 10, 2019)

This sounds more like a dysfunctional puppy rescue then a marriage.

You chose to get involved with, and then marry, a 400lb morbidity obese, learning disabled man who doesn’t know how to have sex.

Exactly how did you think that was going to work out?

if you are at a higher level of sexual desirability, just move on and chalk this up to a really bad decision.


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## BruceBanner (May 6, 2018)

I wish you'd stop trying to fool yourself and others. You clearly don't love your husband you already admitted that in this post.



Wet Wet said:


> I was not attracted to him at first because he was not my type. I did not call back after I first date.
> One morning I was driving to work and I literally heard a voice in my car telling me he was going to be my husband, it freaked me out.
> As far as his disability I felt as if I could help seeing that I am in the medical field and seems as if no one ever reached out to help him except take advantage of him.
> I have been married before for 6yrs.
> I Love him and not thinking of annulment.


You are just a desperate woman and I feel sorry for your husband.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Wet Wet said:


> I am 52…he has a high sex drive, he has a learning disability because he was born with different street drugs in his system due to his mom .
> I am starting to see that he is aware of things and at times he’s not.
> He really thinks in the bedroom he has done something when the key never was in the door. No matter how hard I try to insert it.
> He’s almost 400lbs in the mid section and I’m tired of the stomach being a hindrance. I keep telling him…


Your original post was full of disdain for your H. You really need to work on dropping that. He is not a child, you are not his mother. Blaming your sexual difficulties on his having a learning dissabilty is just plain wrong.
There is no such thing as a single one-size fits all learning disability. They cover a complete spectrum of conditions, needed learning approaches, etc.

I had a "learning disability" but with the right learning approaches, I have multiple university graduate degrees. I have two sons who inherited my "learning disability" and they are both very successful businessmen.

Have you taken the time to find out exactly what your H's learning disability is and what kind of teaching methods he responds best to? He is your husband after all. Rather than blaming him as broken, and saying you have tried until you are blue to teach him about the sex you want, try finding out how he learns things.

Next, if he really is close to 400 pounds he probably has something called Metobolic Syndrome. Belly fat can actually convert testosterone into estrogen, which is not great for a man's sex drive. Also it can lead to type 2 diabetes, which can cause a loss of sensation and difficulty getting an erection. Furthermore, extreme weight can lead to loss of muscle mass and that can lead to a lack of exercise and heart disease which can lead to erectile dysfunction. 

If you love or loved your husband you would work with him to try to get him to see a doctor to find out about any baseline medical issues. You would also seek marriage counseling to try to fix your marriage. Maybe a sex therapist (they are marriage counselors with extra training in sexual problems) could help the two of you.

What I am reading in your posts is someone who has reached their limit and is not finding fault with their spouse. To me it looks like you are trying to talk yourself into leaving your husband. Cheating on him is a really horrible thing to do. 

My advice to you is for you to fix your marriage or at least try to. The reason I say that is if you don't learn what you have done wrong in this marriage you are likely to repeat many of the same mistakes in your next marriage.

Good luck.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Wet Wet said:


> I was not attracted to him at first because he was not my type. I did not call back after I first date.
> One morning I was driving to work and I literally heard a voice in my car telling me he was going to be my husband, it freaked me out.
> As far as his disability I felt as if I could help seeing that I am in the medical field and seems as if no one ever reached out to help him except take advantage of him.
> I have been married before for 6yrs.
> I Love him and not thinking of annulment.


OK, maybe you aren't so bad after all. It is hard to believe that you also wrote this. 

Again, since he have some medical knowledge find out what kind of learning disability he has and how he learns best. 
You should be able to find things to do to introduce him to sex and/or reprogram his sexual knowledge. Sex Therapists use Sensate Focus exercises all the time to introduce intimacy in a realtionship and then gradually build toward satisfying sex. Does he respond to affirmations or self hypnosis? Is he a visual learner (there a sex education video's out there from the Sinclair Institute. Put some effort in it, he is your husband.

Good luck.


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## Skookaroo (Jul 12, 2021)

Wet Wet said:


> As far as his disability I felt as if I could help seeing that I am in the medical field and seems as if no one ever reached out to help him except take advantage of him.


Some people end up and stay in relationships that aren’t right because they want to save other people (rather than what a marriage should be: a partnership). Do you think this could be you?


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

lol @ giving this serious replies


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