# Help Stop My Divorce



## tonyandre (Jun 17, 2009)

My wife and I yet again got into another arguement. I tried being rational and act like an adult but she went balistic on me and started venting about how she's scared of me when I argue with her and how it gives her palpitations when she sees it's me calling to pick up clothes from our place.

Both of us have gone back and forth about wanting divorce or going to couples therapy. For now, she's the one asking for a divorce and now I don't want one, as I want to work things out through a counselor.

She told me that she wants to serve her the papers next week Wednesday. Our feelings are so raw and have been for such a long time, I just want the old her and the old me. What do I do to prevent this from happening???


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## al_in_al (Feb 4, 2009)

First of all, I have no idea if you can stop it from happening. But here are some of my thoughts. 

I had (have?) the same problem with my husband - I would want to have a rational conversation and he would be angry and negative, it didn't make sense to me. So I cooled it on the relationship talk. I let us just be separated for a while. We talked some, but I did NOT ask for answers about where we were headed. This seems to have helped. In terms of him acting less crazy, I don't think we are any closer to reconciliation though. 

If she really had a physical reaction when you call her, maybe you should stop calling her. Do you think she would prefer an email? Why do you have to keep going back to get things - try to get all the things you need next time and give her some space. 

And rethink wanting your old selves back. If you do get back together I hope you'll both be new and improved.


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## Dark Angel (Jun 17, 2009)

Even if she gets angry and yells, you have to keep your cool. If you loose it, she will feel threatened. I know it hurts to keep from yelling back, but you must take the higher road to get her in a calmer state of mind before you can really work on anything.

Perhaps you could write her a letter and mail it to her explaining what you want, and how you plan to get there. Maybe she wont find it so intimidating. Ask her to delay divorce if possible, and see how being separated is first.

Is there something in particular that happened to make her this afraid of you? Or is it something from her past thats contributing to it?

al_in_al has a good point too, maybe a little time and space to cool down may help a bit. I know it sucks wanting answers and having your head spinning. thats where Im at too, and not doing so well at it. Hang in there and keep your cool. You could be one blow up away from loosing her entirely.

Keep it together, you can do it!


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## tonyandre (Jun 17, 2009)

This topic should be instead,

Help me get an annulment, please read my latest post on how my wife has cheated on me. I am so relieved that I am not the one at fault and that I am not a bad person


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