# Is this ok or am I being mean?



## Lake (Dec 14, 2010)

My husband keeps telling me its not right/fair to bring up "old stuff" but I don't feel like its "old" if the same things just keep on happening. 
He seems to think I should ONLY focus on the one problem we are having w/o bringing up all the SAME things hes done over the years. I might NOT bring up old things but I don't have time to move on from the one hurt before another hurt happens!

Like for instance...He lied to me about sleeping w/ someone when we broke up. The fact that he slept w/ her would have been fine because we weren't together, but the fact that he lied to me about it made it an issue. To make it worse I found out 2 years later that I have a health problem cause by him sleeping w/ so many women that can cause cervical cancer and could possibly lose the ability to have any more children. (hes the ONLY person I've ever been with.) 
I think that makes him lying to me 2 years ago a huuuge CURRENT problem. He doesn't seem to think so. 

Hes still NOT making any moves towards finding any help or solutions. 

I told him last night I want to go back to school. He was shocked. Later on in the night we were watching tv and they were talking about men feeling emasculated when their wives make more $$ than they do. He asked me why some men would feel that way. I told him because they feel like the woman might get financially stable and leave. Which might be my new plan.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

It's not old stuff, if it is a reoccurring theme. It's not fair to bring up old stuff, if he has refrained from repeating those behaviors. So, does he continue to lie?


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## Lake (Dec 14, 2010)

Yes...and its been going on since we met. I just didn't know about it until we were married. Most of the lies came out just before I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. I was planning on leaving and then 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant so I stayed. 

I don't want my daughter growing up in a split household. But I also don't want her growing up thinking its normal for relationships to be this way.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Lake said:


> Yes...and its been going on since we met. I just didn't know about it until we were married. Most of the lies came out just before I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. I was planning on leaving and then 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant so I stayed.
> 
> I don't want my daughter growing up in a split household. But I also don't want her growing up thinking its normal for relationships to be this way.


 This is so disturbing. Listen, I don't care what these marriage builder people say, you have to live your life with faith that you are a valuable human and you are not meant to prostrate yourself on the altar of marriage. As soon as you had a child you should have left, bringing a child up in this relationship is abusive to the child. 

Your children learn that marriage means a woman means noting and the men can do anything they want as long as he can enjoy the sexual variety that is their birthright. 

They see that women are required to bow before his manhood and be grateful that the sanctity of marriage is preserved. They see that no matter what, a woman's feelings don't matter. She is required to lay herself open to humiliation, diseases, emotional abuse. All of this to perserve the sanctity of marriage. This is so crazy. 

Why all of this concentration on saving a marriage? Is it more important than the men, women or children involved? Marriage is a contract not a sacred union sanctioned by some outside entity. It has to do with the people involved. If it is unhealthy, then some responsible adult should pull the plug. There is NEVER a reason to give up life, dignity and self respect for the sake of staying in a marriage with so seriously a flawed dirt-bag. 

This man is a dirty person who has brought diseases to you his wife and is so callous as to bid you not to complain. What person in their right mind would continue to allow him to bring her diseases until she catches something fatal? Any self-respecting person would have gotten rid os this dirty man long ago. You should bring a lawsuit against him for assault for the diseases he has infected you with and take him for every thing he has in a divorce settlement. 

If more spouses had the self-respect to come down hard on men and women who cheat and infect them, there would be some consequences with teeth. It is so easy to use a condom, why is the maximum pleasure for the male party to the detriment of his innocent wife a forgivable offense. 

Why does this lady continue to have sex with a man who regularly inoculates her with diseases that will eventually kill or maim her? For the sake of love, or maybe it's for the children or the sanctity of marriage? BS 

Think about what you are doing by prostrating yourself in front of such a dirt-bag to yourself and your children. Take some responsibility for your life and their lives. Men are easily replaceable why let one [email protected]t in your face. Pick yourself up and get out of this.


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