# Get Up and Go is Gone :(



## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Wtf is going on with me?? A few months ago, I couldn't get enough sex - I was literally wanting it all. the. time. It was insane, even for me and I've always been HD.

Well, my body has done a complete 180 and I now have exactly 0 sex drive. I have 0 interest. None. Nada. Seriously.

My darling husband isn't deprived...I still have it when he wants it, I would never turn him down, but I've not initiated in a few months now. I just don't think about it, I really don't. I DON'T want to be like this - I want to want to have sex with my husband. 

I'm 46, hubby is 52. We're happily married. No big changes in household or marriage. I don't understand.

What the hell is going on? What's wrong with me? I don't understand this and am really upset about it :crying:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Visit your doctor and get checked out.

It might be something that can be easily addressed.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Perimenopause?


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Probably a dip in your hormones as you enter perimenopause.

From about 48-51-ish, I just couldn't stop thinking about sex. At least as much as I did in my late teens/early 20's.

Now, at 53, I'm *definitely* coming down. Just as well, 'cause DH isn't interested anymore. :|

Any other symptoms at all, frusdil: flushing/sweating, drier in your intimate areas, feelings of exhausion, periods becoming a bit erratic, headaches and nausea during your period??

They say use it or lose it, so I think it's great that you are hanging in there and still loving your husband.

Exercise and good nutrition can really go far to keeping your whole body vital. I know, I know, we've all heard it a million times over. And, everyone should probably take a decent quality multivitamin; maybe one made especially for women in middle age.

I think the fact that you are noticing this and are on top of it bodes well for you being able to navigate it well.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> Perimenopause?


Am I old enough for that? The thought has crossed my mind, everyone keeps telling me I'm too young though.



notmyrealname4 said:


> Any other symptoms at all, frusdil: flushing/sweating, drier in your intimate areas, feelings of exhausion, periods becoming a bit erratic, headaches and nausea during your period??


I do get what I've been calling "power surges", lol. Where out of nowhere I feel quite hot and need a fan stat. But not what I'd call a hot flash no - I don't have sweat pouring down my face or anything.

My periods did become irregular for a time but are now regular again - no explanation for either, it just happened. Lol. Exhaustion, yes...very much so.

If my hormones were dipping due to my age, why would I have been so randy a few months back? I would be climbing the walls if we didn't have sex every day. There were times I was so horny I'd have to wake my husband up to deal with me lol - I literally couldn't sleep I was so horny. Now? Forget it lol.

We have such a loving marriage, and I want it to stay that way...I think I'll make a doctor appointment. I wonder if my GP is enough or should I go OBYGN?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Am I old enough for that? The thought has crossed my mind, everyone keeps telling me I'm too young though.


Perimenopause is the phase leading to menopause and it usually starts mid forties or even earlier... you are 46, so you are a good candidate... :smile2: Still getting normal periods or are they erratic?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You should see your gynecologist - preferably a female gynecologist. You are in the right age bracket for peri-menopause. Mine started at 42 and I was also told I was too young (which really messes with your mind).


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

frusdil said:


> Am I old enough for that? The thought has crossed my mind, everyone keeps telling me I'm too young though.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



You're the perfect age for perimenopause. A bit young for menopause. The average age for menopause is 51. It takes several years to go from peri. to full menopause. You sound like you're right on schedule.

I think the "power surges" are a mild form of "hot flash". I'm getting them too now. Just very warm out of the blue, with a little bit of dampness on my skin. It's probably different for everyone, I don't think _every_ woman feels like she's roasting, and is drenched in sweat.

It is totally normal to have your periods ebb and flow. Starting about 2 years ago, I turned into Niagara Falls. Drenching a few OVERNIGHT! pads during the day. Then about six months ago, I changed within a month to just enough blood to soak a pantyliner. This last month, I just got dark colored discharge.

Sorry for the TMI. Just sharing my experience to show how all over the map you can be. There isn't one normal.

And I understand about the increased libido. If I understand it correctly, your hormones play off of each other. So, when your estrogen drops, your testosterone has more influence; which results in the crazy sex drive.

I think that *wanting* to have a sex drive is a really big part of keeping it. You can nurture it. And you are already aware of this happening, and don't want to lose your connection with your husband. That is great. You might have to take longer at foreplay and warming up. You might need some lubricant. You know, adjustments here and there.

But, as always, just to be sure; yeah, go ahead and go to the doctor and get checked out. I doubt you have anything "wrong" with you; but you always want to be safe.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

notmyrealname4 said:


> I think that *wanting* to have a sex drive is a really big part of keeping it. You can nurture it. And you are already aware of this happening, and don't want to lose your connection with your husband. That is great.


yes, don't be like my wife... menopause and no sex... that's it! :laugh:


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

frusdil said:


> Am I old enough for that? The thought has crossed my mind, everyone keeps telling me I'm too young though.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Oh, yeah! My wife went through the same thing a few years earlier than you.

It happens. 

Your GP would be a good first port of call, or your OBGYN if you have a better relationship with them.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Ahhhh...welcome to the wonderful world of Peri-menopause.

I remember being 44 and in a panic taking a pregnancy test because I thought I'd screwed up when I missed a period. Thankfully it was negative, but that was my first clue that the fun had begun.

THIS is how late-in-life kids happen - when you no longer have a 28-day cycle. Be *extra *careful and good luck in your mission. :wink2:


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

@frusdil you are always so proactive and take great care of your relationship I have no doubt you'll take this challenge and find your "get up and go". 

I hope you report back so those of us in the same boat (including myself I think) can learn from you.

Hoping for the best!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Peri generally starts in your 40's so never believe someone who says that age is too young. My start time was the same as my mother's (46/47) and it lasted more than a decade. Some have a very easy time of it and some don't. Hormones really can go crazy. I hope everything levels out for you.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I'm surprised no one has assured you your lack of interest is due to your having an affair, and that you should spy on yourself for evidence.

But seriously, I sympathize and wish you luck w/ this.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Male here, so this may not apply to you. A few months ago I decided to try a new supplement. I was taking it for a while and noticed a big drop in libido. I switched back to the other supplement and now it is back. So my first step would be to look at your day to day. In the meantime schedule an appointment to see your doc.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Wtf is going on with me?? A few months ago, I couldn't get enough sex - I was literally wanting it all. the. time. It was insane, even for me and I've always been HD.
> 
> Well, my body has done a complete 180 and I now have exactly 0 sex drive. I have 0 interest. None. Nada. Seriously.
> 
> ...


Peri menopausal symptoms.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

frusdil said:


> Am I old enough for that? The thought has crossed my mind, everyone keeps telling me I'm too young though.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


My symptoms started in my mid 40's, and like you I began with those 'hot surges'. I suspect that the hormones are up and down, hence the changes you are noticing. 
Start with the GP, they can do blood tests for hormone levels.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

What a beautifully honest post.





frusdil said:


> Wtf is going on with me?? A few months ago, I couldn't get enough sex - I was literally wanting it all. the. time. It was insane, even for me and I've always been HD.
> 
> Well, my body has done a complete 180 and I now have exactly 0 sex drive. I have 0 interest. None. Nada. Seriously.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

M2 told me when this happened to her. 




frusdil said:


> Wtf is going on with me?? A few months ago, I couldn't get enough sex - I was literally wanting it all. the. time. It was insane, even for me and I've always been HD.
> 
> Well, my body has done a complete 180 and I now have exactly 0 sex drive. I have 0 interest. None. Nada. Seriously.
> 
> ...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

I had this happen to me about 10 years ago. 

I took a viagra to reboot. Worked great. Yes I know - viagra doesn’t create desire. But it helped me perform and the rest took care of itself. 

If it happened again, I’d get a scrip for testosterone.





frusdil said:


> Wtf is going on with me?? A few months ago, I couldn't get enough sex - I was literally wanting it all. the. time. It was insane, even for me and I've always been HD.
> 
> Well, my body has done a complete 180 and I now have exactly 0 sex drive. I have 0 interest. None. Nada. Seriously.
> 
> ...


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Frusdil, go for a complete hormonal check, it may surprise you. I know mine did!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

In Absentia said:


> yes, don't be like my wife... menopause and no sex... that's it! :laugh:


No, wouldn't do that to my husband - or myself.



BioFury said:


> Frusdil, have you considered looking at any natural hormone creams? Though full on hormone replacement therapy would be an option too if that's more your thing.
> 
> I hope things improve!


No, not yet - haven't done anything yet except make a Dr appt. Will see what they say. I need to do something because this is causing me a bit of stress...I need to know what's going on.

I feel quite relieved after reading some the replies here...it does sound like I'm in peri-menopause. At least I have something to go on.

The only thing I can think of that has changed is that I increased my dosage of magnesium, as I wasn't sleeping well. Maybe that's contributing?? 

Anyway, going to the Doc on Wednesday morning, so will start there and see how we go. My husband's happy I'm going - he's noticed a change in me and he's worried about me, bless him.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

frusdil said:


> The only thing I can think of that has changed is that I increased my dosage of magnesium, as I wasn't sleeping well. Maybe that's contributing??
> 
> Anyway, going to the Doc on Wednesday morning, so will start there and see how we go. My husband's happy I'm going - he's noticed a change in me and he's worried about me, bless him.



One thing that occurs to me, is that magnesium has to be taken in correct proportion to calcium. Calcium tenses your muscles, magnesium relaxes them. Maybe you can ask your doctor about it?

Good to hear that your husband is so supportive of you at this time


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

frusdil said:


> Am I old enough for that? The thought has crossed my mind, everyone keeps telling me I'm too young though.
> 
> I do get what I've been calling "power surges", lol. Where out of nowhere I feel quite hot and need a fan stat. But not what I'd call a hot flash no - I don't have sweat pouring down my face or anything.
> 
> ...


Yes you are old enough for peri. It happens. Just go to the OBGYN, a progressive one. You want something to level this out. 

The surges are hot flashes.

The right doc can help you get your drive back, my GF is post and she is through the roof...

Be proactive...


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Frusdil,
Provided your H is able to clearly differentiate between drive and desire, you can tell him what’s happening.

Drive is raw biology, and is solely about you.

Desire - is about wanting to connect, to please your partner and for them to show they wish to please you.






frusdil said:


> No, wouldn't do that to my husband - or myself.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

notmyrealname4 said:


> One thing that occurs to me, is that magnesium has to be taken in correct proportion to calcium. Calcium tenses your muscles, magnesium relaxes them. Maybe you can ask your doctor about it?
> 
> Good to hear that your husband is so supportive of you at this time


Ah, I didn't realise that. I don't take calcium, only magnesium but it could still be playing a part...I'll ask about it anyway - thankyou 




MEM2020 said:


> Frusdil,
> Provided your H is able to clearly differentiate between drive and desire, you can tell him what’s happening.
> 
> Drive is raw biology, and is solely about you.
> ...


I'm lucky that my husband is pretty switched on about this kind of stuff, always happy to make time for me if I ever want to talk about anything. After his heart attack earlier this year, he was put on a new medication that can sometimes cause ED...I gave him a hug and asked "If that happens to you you're not going to be all "I'm not a real man" bs are you love? You'll know that it's the medication causing it" he laughed and said he was glad I brought it up bahahaha - no pun intended, he even made a joke *facepalm*.

Thankyou for all the advice peeps, I really appreciate it


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

Magnesium will actually help with low libido, and reduce hot flashes. So, you can probably rule that out.


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## David Darling (Oct 22, 2016)

Blondilocks said:


> preferably a female gynecologist.


Why female?


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

@frusdil...hope your appointment went well today. What you are experiencing is more than likely perimenopause. It can come in all shapes and sizes and ranges of emotions and effects every woman differently and at different ages. Although the "normal" range is 40's to early 50's. And some menopausal symptoms can last up to 10 years. My symptoms started at approximately 38 with the onset of anxiety and some very mild depression. At mid-forties I started to have some mild hot flashes and trouble sleeping. At around 46 my periods starting getting erratic. At age 48 I had my last one. At (almost) 50 I had a complete hormonal blood workup done and I was completely post menopausal.

Get a book called "Before the Change" by Ann Louise Gittleman. It will give you some great insight to different perimenopause symptoms and how to relieve some of those symptoms with change of diet, vitamins, herbs, creams, managing stress, etc. I think in that book she calls them " peri zappers". One thing that really helped me (with the hair loss issue) is a Progesterone cream. I use it once a day, a few weeks on and about 1 week off. I did find that while I was going through the perimenopause part during the latter part of my forties my libido climbed. It must have something to do with all the hormonal changes.....they climb and drop, climb and drop. It's crazy! 

It really is a trial and error sort of thing. Find out what your symptoms are, and then try something to see if it helps ease your symptoms. If not, try something else. I did everything wholistically and with vitamins to manage the best I could. I did not want to take a hormone replacement therapy. I wish you the best of luck because with the change of life looming it can be nerve wracking!


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

@Daviddarling ask: "Why female?"

I'm a Male that had decades of experience in the clinical side of my profession, and I can tell you that I personally seek females doctors for whatever ails me. 

Not because they are better or more knowledgeable, but because through all that time working in hospitals, reference labs, ect., I learned to recognize that females MDs "on average" tend to have more empathy, at least talk to you more; while "on average males MDs are all business, and seldom get to have a rapport with you as a patient.

This is why at least in my end of things I normally seek female MDs.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

SpinyNorman said:


> I'm surprised no one has assured you your lack of interest is due to your having an affair, and that you should spy on yourself for evidence.
> 
> But seriously, I sympathize and wish you luck w/ this.


This awesome. You should probably also DNA your kids to make sure they are uours


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

Frusdil

Just my two cents if your doctor has determined that you are perimenopausal. 

I realize that hormone replacement therapy can be controversial. It should be a very personal choice. I know many friends who wouldn't even consider HRT because of cancer risks, they made you crazy, blood clots, or any other number of reasons. I also know people who swear it saved their sanity. 

HRT has changed a LOT over the years, and has become a much less harmful alternative to many of the herbal supplements and other remedies (they are often not regulated, and finding the correct dose can be difficult. Though they do work well for some, they are not the only option.)

I was put into surgical menopause in my mid 30s due to a hysterectomy. It took my doctor and I a lot of trial and error to find what works best for me. Due to my age at the onset of menopause, I knew I would have to be on HRT longer than average. The one thing I insisted on was that whatever I used had to be as safe as possible for long term use. I currently use 1mg bio identical estradiol, and on bad days a 0.50mg booster pill. That's it. When I tried using progesterone, it caused large cysts in my breasts that had to be repeatedly drained, and caused me to gain weight rapidly. Most doctors are hesitant to prescribe testosterone to women to increase their libido, because the risks can outweigh the benefits. Some women need it to function, so it can serve a purpose when needed. 

I have been on HRT for 9 years, and get tested yearly for any and all cancers. I am clear. I also have no bone density issues; one of the biggest drawbacks to not taking even low dose HRT is the increased risk of osteoporosis and brittle bones. Even 0.25 mg can help improve bone health. 

OP, I am not saying HRT is the only way to go, and that you should absolutely do it. Do your research, and have a very honest talk with your doctor. Many women on much higher doses of HRT than I am on, and have been on it longer, consider it the fountain of youth and never want to stop taking it. To me, that is a bit extreme. Personally, if I can take a low dose that allows me to tolerate the vast array of symptoms, has health benefits that my body still needs, while making sure to stay on top of any potential risk factors, I am happy for my HRT. 

Should your doctor tell you that you are perimenopausal, please, give yourself the time to really think about what you want to do next. Consider the health risks, your quality of life, personal beliefs, etc. Make the best decision for YOU, because only YOU live in your body. You have plenty of time to mull it over, and you can alter and change things along the way. It took me a couple of years to finally find a good balance mentally, and physically. 

Wishing you a smooth transition into the next phase of your life.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Thanks everyone for all the replies - so much to consider and read up on.

My doctor agrees with me that I have some classic signs of peri-menopause, and we have done blood tests both to check my hormone levels, and so that we have a base line. She's given me some info on HRT, and a referral to an OBGYN who she says is very good. I'll have a look at the literature over the weekend, to be honest I'm feeling quite overwhelmed right now...relieved that I have an answer but so very sad about it too - women, lol.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

frusdil said:


> Thanks everyone for all the replies - so much to consider and read up on.
> 
> My doctor agrees with me that I have some classic signs of peri-menopause, and we have done blood tests both to check my hormone levels, and so that we have a base line. She's given me some info on HRT, and a referral to an OBGYN who she says is very good. I'll have a look at the literature over the weekend, to be honest I'm feeling quite overwhelmed right now...relieved that I have an answer but so very sad about it too - women, lol.


Should you decide to forgo HRT (I did not use it), check with your dr about calcium intake. You may need to take a supplement to protect your bones. I take 500mg a day of calcium citrate which is supposed to be the preferred form of calcium supplement.

When menopause occurs, you will be delighted to not have to plan your life around your cycle. It is so freeing! As is said; when one door closes, another opens.


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## Lukedog (Nov 18, 2015)

AGREED w/ Blondie! So freeing!


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