# Thoughts?



## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Good Day!
So I wanted to get some advise or insight on something. I’m talking to this guy and he’s an Introvert- meaning he doesn’t say nothing and really says little when he does speak. He told me he’s introverted and he’s a man of not so many words.

Due to my previous history with relationships, I’m trying not to focus on the attraction/chemistry so much: I’m trying to go the friendship route. Not to say I find him unattractive as we’ve kissed ( that’s it) and I presume there’s chemistry. But what I’m finding is that I do ALL the talking. 😬 Which normally wouldn’t bother me lol this time it is?

So he’s sweet and he does the Good Morning bit etc- in the evening it’s How was your day etc. but he doesn’t say anything about his day or nothing. Last night I said how was work? He replied- Work.
And awkward silence until I said something. Don’t women bond and connect by sharing daily stuff? He says when he’s home work is left at work. Ok I get that, but can’t you say something about the news, what show you are watching or just mindless banter?

I’m trying not to be so picky. Teacher guy and I had amazing conversations and it was effortless. I enjoyed it and honestly, miss it, but that’s not the point.

Is this a man or an introvert thing?
I’m very extroverted and love talking and digging deep sometimes. And other times I like mindless and witty banter.
It’s attractive. How am I supposed to connect with this guy?

I also asked him what are you looking for or wanting? So I could make sure I wasn’t wasting my rule or his. You know- be on the same page. His response- A partner.

I was kinda frustrated cause this could have several meanings.
It was 6:45 and I said something about a commercial and he came back with- sorry starting to fall asleep.

🙄🙄


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Are you unemployable and need a man to feed and house you?

Are you incapable of getting out of the house and living your own life and incapable of doing the things you enjoy in life?

If the answer is no, then why on earth would you NOT want to seek attraction/chemistry and basic compatibility?

You only have one life, why limit yourself and why try to force yourself to be with someone you don’t dig and don’t click with?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Not sure how old you are... but what I've learned in my life and my marriage is to pay attention - a lot of attention - to every single little red flag in my future relationships (if I'll ever have another one) and this is a massive one. Honestly.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

If your ideal is someone like the teacher, you’re not going to find what you’re looking for with this guy. He’s way too introverted for you.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

What he is doing is common for very introverted people. This doesn't seem to work for you and you need to see that and make the best choices you can from there.


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

"How am I supposed to connect with this guy?"

Who said you're 'supposed to' connect with anyone?


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## coquille (May 8, 2018)

I've known introverts who once they open up to you, you can't stop them. They keep talking. There might be several reasons on why this guy is not talkative, but the one that seems more likely in this case, given that he is sweet: He might have BORING written all over him; he doesn't have anything interesting to share.
I suggest you say that you bond with people through conversations and sharing life experiences. Ask him if he has any interests in life: hobbies, activities that he enjoys; this might have him open up. If he remains silent, then you'll know that you'll have a frustrating, boring, and meaningless relationship with him.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Openminded said:


> If your ideal is someone like the teacher, you’re not going to find what you’re looking for with this guy. He’s way too introverted for you.


Effortless convo’s like teacher? Yes.Screw buddy like teacher? Nope.


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## DownButNotOut (Apr 9, 2009)

How old is this guy, and what does he do for work?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Well if conversations are important to you then this guy's a pass.

They're important to me.

But maybe he's just not feeling it on his end? When I met my bf's older brother one of the things he said to me was that he figured I must do most of the talking because his brother (my bf) is so introverted.

I replied that he talks to me all the time and we've always had great conversations. His brother remarked that he must just be comfortable with me because he's usually so quiet.

Either way it sounds like he's not a good prospect for you.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I'm an introvert and have to agree with what someone else said "maybe he's just boring"

As an introvert I like one on one intimacy, that's my comfort zone and I love deep meaningful conversations. On a date I would ask you a thousand questions, and I would answer all of yours. But I need to say this, as an introvert one thing I don't like is meaningless chatter, so if you're type who uses a thousand words to explain how you make toast don't date an introvert! 

Here's the thing to consider though. This is a brand new relationship, you have to talk, you have to answer questions, how else can you learn about each other? So if this guy is already playing the "man of few words" card I think he just has nothing to say, and that sure sounds boring to me.


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## Ursula (Dec 2, 2016)

I'm an introvert and an HSP (highly sensitive person) to boot. But, in a brand new relationship and the getting-to-know-each-other stages, you need to talk, to answer questions and to ask your own questions in order to get to know the other person and see if they're a good fit. It seems that you're wanting to do this, but he really isn't.

If you're truly interested in this man, @coquille had some good suggestions on questions that you could ask that would require him to actually talk and not give 1-word answers. If you're on the fence with him though, I would probably just cut him loose and find someone that you connect with a little more.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

It's a guy thing to mumble one word answers while we're watching football or hockey. As long as those two things aren't taking place we can hold amazing conversations.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Don’t settle again Sue. 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

I am an introvert but also can be very chatty. Being introverted don't mean you answer questions with one word. There is more than his behaviour that just been an introvert. 
You clearly enjoy and need good communication so it's hard to see how you are compatable.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When I was young, I let go of a very attractive (red haired) young woman. 
She was a 10 in the looks department but she was very quiet.

Sex was great, she was well into that.

She was a very nice girl, but she spooked me out. 

I could not read her....reach her, get her to talk.....at all.

To get her to even smile, I had to tickle her.
Um, which I did...a lot.

I need a voice in my ear, not just a pretty vision.

.............................................................................................

I say nix-nope on this man.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

He is what he is and will never change nor can you change him.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

I'd suggest you look at the pattern you're still following when it comes to male/female relationships. Once again, you are doing the heavy lifting. Instead of trying to figure HIM out or how to get him to open up, it would behoove you to just let this one go. He's probably a nice guy. But he's not a talker. In fact, from what you've described, it sounds like he's a rather dull fellow. Nothing wrong with that. But it's not a good match for YOU.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Diana7 said:


> I am an introvert but also can be very chatty. Being introverted don't mean you answer questions with one word. There is more than his behaviour that just been an introvert.
> You clearly enjoy and need good communication so it's hard to see how you are compatable.


Yeah it’s quite exhausting and I just didn’t know if it was me or if this was normal. 
I don’t need a whole lot, but yeah more than a Good Morning, and a How was your day and I’m the only one sharing. I mean yes he’s sweet and loyal and someone who would never cheat, but I need a bit more.Plus, I didn’t even get to the food part. He doesn’t eat. 
what I mean is he has some kind of issue and he won’t tell. But he doesn’t eat. His food is mostly fries, ice cream,ritz crackers, cereal stuff like that.?’ No Mexican food, steak, chicken, veggies, pasta. You get my point.

And as you guess it-I like to eat! And try new food places. So I can’t have no food and no convo! Lol


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Sue4473 said:


> I mean is he has some kind of issue and he won’t tell. But he doesn’t eat. His food is mostly fries, ice cream,ritz crackers, cereal stuff like that.?’ No Mexican food, steak, chicken, veggies, pasta.


It sounds like his "issue" is he prefers junk food with lots of calories but little nutritive value. This guy sounds downright WEIRD. Continue looking for a suitable partner, because this guy sure ain't it.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Sue4473 said:


> Yeah it’s quite exhausting and I just didn’t know if it was me or if this was normal.
> I don’t need a whole lot, but yeah more than a Good Morning, and a How was your day and I’m the only one sharing. I mean yes he’s sweet and loyal and someone who would never cheat, but I need a bit more.Plus, I didn’t even get to the food part. He doesn’t eat.
> what I mean is he has some kind of issue and he won’t tell. But he doesn’t eat. His food is mostly fries, ice cream,ritz crackers, cereal stuff like that.?’ No Mexican food, steak, chicken, veggies, pasta. You get my point.
> 
> And as you guess it-I like to eat! And try new food places. So I can’t have no food and no convo! Lol


Didn't you recently meet him? How do you know he's "loyal and someone who would never cheat". Just saying, aren't you projecting and being fanciful? How could you possibly know him that well....


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

....


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Introversion does not mean shy and it does not mean anti social and it does not mean that an introvert is incapable of making a strong interpersonal connection. 

An introvert can be just as personally engaging and connected as anyone. What separates an introvert from an extrovert is an extrovert draws energy and feels invigorated from social activities and social interactions, and becomes agitated and uncomfortable alone.

Conversely an introvert can feel overwhelmed and exhausted in social situations and will seek alone time to recharge their energies. 


many introverts have very strong, intimate relationships with a few select people. They are just not the life of the party or social butterflies that flutter from one person to the next. 

They typically do not engage in meaningless smalltalk and social pleasantries but can enjoy meaningful, deeper conversations and connection. 


This guy sound more like he’s on the spectrum rather than a garden variety introvert.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Prodigal said:


> It sounds like his "issue" is he prefers junk food with lots of calories but little nutritive value. This guy sounds downright WEIRD. Continue looking for a suitable partner, because this guy sure ain't it.


That is all he knows...

FOO issues.

He has yet to find someone to feed him and to _train him_ to eat more responsibly.


_King Brian-_


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Introversion does not mean shy and it does not mean anti social and it does not mean that an introvert is incapable of making a strong interpersonal connection.
> 
> An introvert can be just as personally engaging and connected as anyone. What separates an introvert from an extrovert is an extrovert draws energy and feels invigorated from social activities and social interactions, and becomes agitated and uncomfortable alone.
> 
> ...


Spectrum?


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> Introversion does not mean shy and it does not mean anti social and it does not mean that an introvert is incapable of making a strong interpersonal connection.
> 
> An introvert can be just as personally engaging and connected as anyone. What separates an introvert from an extrovert is an extrovert draws energy and feels invigorated from social activities and social interactions, and becomes agitated and uncomfortable alone.
> 
> ...


Maybe, too early to say.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Sue4473 said:


> Spectrum?


Autism.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Livvie said:


> Didn't you recently meet him? How do you know he's "loyal and someone who would never cheat". Just saying, aren't you projecting and being fanciful? How could you possibly know him that well....


Well, we know he is not going to sweet-talk any ladies.

And, Sue did _not_ say he was a hunk.

Just Sayin'


_Are Dee-_


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

He sounds like a dud.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> He sounds like a dud.


He is I think. I’ve known him for years. But he’s been trying to date me for awhile. So I guess I thought I would venture out. But I think it’s a no go.

i know what I need. And he’s not it


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Sue4473 said:


> He is I think. I’ve known him for years. But he’s been trying to date me for awhile. So I guess I thought I would venture out. But I think it’s a no go.
> 
> i know what I need. And he’s not it


Man you’d think he could get it together if he was a longtime Sue orbiter... Sad.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

It seems to me that men more so than women are passive aggressive and / or conflict avoidant. Both lead to saying less than more. Perhaps you could try to mimic his verbal habits and then he can experience what his behavior feels like. 

I used to disclose more info about myself and my husband only to encounter those who very tight lipped. I can't change them but I can give them one word answers as well.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Sue4473 said:


> He is I think. I’ve known him for years. But he’s been trying to date me for awhile. So I guess I thought I would venture out. But I think it’s a no go.
> 
> i know what I need. And he’s not it


As I said in one of your other threads, this is what dating is for - it’s to spend some time with someone to see if they are the right match for you. 

If upon spending time with someone, you see that they are not the right match for you, you wish them well and go on about your business.


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## C.C. says ... (Aug 1, 2020)

I spent a considerable amount of time trying to get to know a guy just like this. He never talked beyond “good morning” and what he ate for lunch. I kept trying, because he seemed like a ‘nice guy.’ Every now and again, he’d throw out some big proclamation of his ‘feelings’ for me and I’d think ‘hmm maybe there _is _something going on inside his brain to feel these feelings.’ ( I know, right? ) ‘Maybe he’s just inside his head a lot with so many thoughts.’ But nope. Turned out he was just dumber than a box of rocks.

I pushed and pushed to get him to act like a normal person and actually say something, but instead, I just ended up frustrated and feeling like something was wrong with _me_. Not only that, but when I finally nicely asked him if he had some sort of problem or ‘issue’ (read between the lines), he got vindictive and cursed me out for asking. Ghosted me and then dragged my name through the mud. Nice guy, my ass.

Don’t waste your time on this dud. Leave him for a woman who is happy with hearing herself talk to herself. I can’t imagine a worse life partner. He won’t cheat? I guess not! Who would want him?

Introverts may not like idle chit chat or pretentious back and forth, but we definitely will talk your head off about greater life issues when we feel comfortable with you. That’s just some crap he tries to feed you so you don’t notice how incredibly boring he is.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Not gon


NTA said:


> It seems to me that men more so than women are passive aggressive and / or conflict avoidant. Both lead to saying less than more. Perhaps you could try to mimic his verbal habits and then he can experience what his behavior feels like.
> 
> I used to disclose more info about myself and my husband only to encounter those who very tight lipped. I can't change them but I can give them one word answers as well.


Why should she change her persona to try to manipulate someone who isn’t tripping her trigger to begin with. 

He sounds like he doesn’t have basic social skills and temperaments so her parlor tricks would likely not have any effect anyway.

It would be much easier and more effective and efficient to simply move on and find someone else she has a basic compatibility with. 

Don’t change yourself into a frog to try to get more out of a toad.


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

I posted what you quoted after she posted that she was going to move on. i only saw AFTER I hit "Post reply." Before that post #19, it sounded as if she thought he was perfect except for .....

My advice may be useful to any reader we don't know about or even to Sue in her next go round with someone.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

So I'm an introvert and I married an introvert, but the two of us talk to each other all the time. I think the difference is that as an introvert, I love people but I don't feel like my inner energy is charged by them...it's drained by them. Ask my Beloved Hubby--I talk quite a bit, but primarily because I care about someone and want to expend the energy on them! 

My Beloved is a "man of few words" kind of guy, and I've learned to be patient and give him the time to talk and actively listen to what he's communicating. He talks at a slower speed than I do, but when he says something, it is worth listening to and remembering! So he'll communicate a whole paragraph in the fewest number of words possible! LOL 

The difference between him and the fella you've got there is that even being an introvert, he'll make the effort to be expressive. It's not always "as many" words as I use, or talking as much, and there is something to be said for me being quiet and letting him talk at his speed and pace. That can be a learned trait. BUT the desire to communicate is there. The desire to share and interact is there--in word and deed. A man can be the "still waters run deep" type but that doesn't mean one-word answers and not sharing oneself. If this fella is "nice" but isn't opening up and sharing himself, then he's just not a good match for you. 

See...I would be EXHAUSTED by an extroverted talker. It wouldn't be a good match for me. But I suspect you need an extroverted talker who would go back and forth between sharing...and then chitchat...and then deeper discussions...and then joyful silliness. Like you said, you crave someone with whom conversation is easy--and honestly I suspect we all do. But YOUR definition of "easy conversation" may be much different than mine. I rather enjoy some quiet spells so one can breathe and reflect on what was said. It doesn't feel like "awkward silence" but rather it feels like peace...to me. To you--that would be a hard pass, and that's okay! 

I vote this one is a catch and release.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Sue4473 said:


> i know what I need.


You sure about that?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> As I said in one of your other threads, this is what dating is for - it’s to spend some time with someone to see if they are the right match for you.
> 
> If upon spending time with someone, you see that they are not the right match for you, you wish them well and go on about your business.


True!


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

It’s ok to be introverted. But he needs to put in some effort into the convo. Don’t make it too easy for this guys. Don’t respond until he asks you a question. This will make him step it up and try more.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Benbutton said:


> You sure about that?


Yep! Conversation lol


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Girl_power said:


> It’s ok to be introverted. But he needs to put in some effort into the convo. Don’t make it too easy for this guys. Don’t respond until he asks you a question. This will make him step it up and try more.


Totally agree!
I mean muster up more than Morning.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

But don’t write him off just yet, give him an opportunity to show you what he can do lol!


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

I don’t think it’s much, but I’ll see lol


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> I don’t think it’s much, but I’ll see lol


You doing better GP?
Day by day?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

I'm an introvert who was married to 2 introverts and am dating an introvert  

That said, none of them was/are a man of 2 words. I'd have chucked them out if that was the case, I love good conversation (witty, silly, and deep). Silences here and there are fine, but just good morning, good evening, and nothing else would bore me to tears.

Reflect his conversation back at him, see what happens. Some people take time to warm up enough to talk, but you've said this man's known you and tried to date you for some time, so why is his mouth buttoned up tighter than a straight-man's ass in a gay bar? If he's a dude, he'll slow-fade himself, b/c you'll have nothing to say.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

NTA said:


> I posted what you quoted after she posted that she was going to move on. i only saw AFTER I hit "Post reply." Before that post #19, it sounded as if she thought he was perfect except for .....
> 
> My advice may be useful to any reader we don't know about or even to Sue in her next go round with someone.


And no comments about his non eating?
I guess that may not be a big deal to some…
But my ex hubby never wanted to go out and try new food or places. Some of the men I’ve dated, we enjoyed going to these hole n the wall places, trying new fare!


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Didn’t you try once before to make it work with him? I seem to remember another non-eating guy briefly in the picture?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Sue4473 said:


> And no comments about his non eating?


I specifically commented on his eating habits. Perhaps you have me on "ignore."


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Ok, food comment...
If a man is that juvenile in his eating habits and won't try to expand his palate, I'm going to wonder what he _isn't _gonna eat  

How's that?

Seriously though, I like to try different stuff, but am also picky, so I won't trash someone for not liking something. Eating like a 2 y/o is bloody ridiculous and not cute past 25.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

Sue you do realize dating is a compatability test right? There is absolutely NO reason to try to make things work or figure things out. If a guy isn't doing it for you kick him aside and move on, the time you waste spinning your wheels is time lost finding the right guy.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Prodigal said:


> It sounds like his "issue" is he prefers junk food with lots of calories but little nutritive value. This guy sounds downright WEIRD. Continue looking for a suitable partner, because this guy sure ain't it.


Guess I missed this!
Yes my gf said yeah but you wouldn’t have to cook! I don’t cook anyway lol


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> Ok, food comment...
> If a man is that juvenile in his eating habits and won't try to expand his palate, I'm going to wonder what he _isn't _gonna eat
> 
> How's that?
> ...


He does eat that lol. He already let me know 😂😂
Oh my


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Openminded said:


> Didn’t you try once before to make it work with him? I seem to remember another non-eating guy briefly in the picture?


Now I’m really curious.

Are you recycling previous rejects?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> He does eat that lol. He already let me know 😂😂
> Oh my


It's not a foolproof indicator, I was just being ridiculous to lighten things up a bit  .

Consider this, now should be the most exciting, fun time getting to know someone. This is as good as it gets in most cases. He doesn't excite you? Too many contortions to "make" it work? 

If you can't talk to the man and get excited about it, might as well get some toys and call it good until you meet a man who shows you he's interested with his time and attention.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

If the only issue was food I might give him a pass. My bf is type 1 diabetic and has another condition that makes his diet somewhat limited, so we don't go out much.

On occasion we will but we make sure the menu has options for him.

I have my own thing with all of my athletics so food isn't a focus for us. We'll eat together bur he does him and I do me.

We do lots of things together so I'm good with this arrangements 

This guy sounds problematic is other ways.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Are these one worded exchanges occurring via text? If so, why? Why aren't you calling each other? How often are you seeing each other?

Sue, if you answer that they're via text because he's in another state or something, I'm going to pack my boots, fly over there and slap you silly woman!!!

I wouldn't knock someone back for dietary reasons either, but this guy eats like a friggin toddler!!

Its _possible_ that he's on the spectrum, that is how my daughter answers texts, my husband too - but not to me.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

The guy is who he is and you are NOT going to change him NOR should he change for you or anyone else. 

If you need someone who's got the gift of gab this guy isn't the one. Cut bait and move on.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Openminded said:


> Now I’m really curious.
> 
> Are you recycling previous rejects?


No lol


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## Trickster (Nov 19, 2011)

Introvert and not having a whole lot to say are two different things. Sometimes, I will ask my gf a simple yes or no question, and it takes her 5 minutes to answer. I love her stories and how she can elaborate on something. She is way more interesting than me. I can listen to her for hours. I am glad she doesn't want the same thing from me. Actually, I don't think it would work both of us were talkers.

I will say that it takes practice to become a talker. I ran into an old friend from like 20 years ago. They said something like wow, you really came out of your shell. You used to be so quiet!

But!!! You may not have 20 years for him to become an interesting conversationalist.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> No lol


So you’ve run across two guys in the last couple of years who don’t eat like adults?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

Openminded said:


> So you’ve run across two guys in the last couple of years who don’t eat like adults?


Yeah I remember the eating situation, too.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

frusdil said:


> Are these one worded exchanges occurring via text? If so, why? Why aren't you calling each other? How often are you seeing each other?
> 
> Sue, if you answer that they're via text because he's in another state or something, I'm going to pack my boots, fly over there and slap you silly woman!!!
> 
> ...


He’s local I promise! Lol
So I tried something last night… We have made phone calls, but he’s not a phone person. Especially when his teen and middle are there. I get that. My teen is nosy and it s hard to talk.
So…. I asked him if he was watching anything interesting on tv lately, and if he was what was it. He quickly replied of a series on Netflix that I heard of and we chatted a bit. Not groundbreaking but ok.

As far as his eating…. Yeah. Um not sure what’s going on. I didn’t hear from him for a bit, and he came with sorry I was eating dinner with my daughters. I was afraid to ask- but I did lol! So what was for dinner?
Red beans and rice with spices, onions and sausage. I got quiet. So you eat sausage? No, it’s more for flavoring, but my daughters eat the sausage- I eat the beans and rice.

Then for the next 15 min we conversed about beans, legumes, and rice. 😬
He does eat things, but it’s different. I’m not sure what exactly happened but he did talk, and I guess I was just trying to figure him out in a sense. 🤷🏻‍♀️
What you think? He did seem to open up more after I kinda initiated something he was interested in.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> He’s local I promise! Lol
> So I tried something last night… We have made phone calls, but he’s not a phone person. Especially when his teen and middle are there. I get that. My teen is nosy and it s hard to talk.
> So…. I asked him if he was watching anything interesting on tv lately, and if he was what was it. He quickly replied of a series on Netflix that I heard of and we chatted a bit. Not groundbreaking but ok.
> 
> ...


Are you sexually attracted to him?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Torninhalf said:


> Are you sexually attracted to him?


I could be if I got to know him more and did things. I haven’t hung out enough to determine that yet.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> I could be if I got to know him more and did things. I haven’t hung out enough to determine that yet.


How many times have y’all hung out?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Openminded said:


> So you’ve run across two guys in the last couple of years who don’t eat like adults?


Apparently so. 
but looks like this guy eats certain foods-after texting w him. Red beans and rice. Nuts


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Torninhalf said:


> Are you sexually attracted to him?


So... if you didn't know him at all, do you want his nuts?


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> So... if you didn't know him at all, do you want his nuts?


Huh?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> Huh?


Can you imagine having sex with him and does that get your motor running?

I guess I don't understand the whole concept of attraction growing on you like a fungus.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

TXTrini said:


> I guess I don't understand the whole concept of attraction growing on you like a fungus.


🤣😂😅 

I wish I could say this guy is a diamond in the rough. There may be a great guy underneath his seeming eccentricities. But the fact that @Sue4473 has to coax a conversation out of him, as well as his somewhat weird eating habits, well ... It just doesn't sound like he's putting a real effort into this.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Prodigal said:


> 🤣😂😅
> 
> I wish I could say this guy is a diamond in the rough. There may be a great guy underneath his seeming eccentricities. But the fact that @Sue4473 has to coax a conversation out of him, as well as his somewhat weird eating habits, well ... It just doesn't sound like he's putting a real effort into this.


I was hopeful for him too until I heard about his man of few words routine in the early courting days. How do you gauge if he's into you and wants to _get_ into you if he doesn't show his interest in some way, you know.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

Eating red beans and rice is good but throwing out the sausage? We need @Marc878 in here stat.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

ccpowerslave said:


> Eating red beans and rice is good but throwing out the sausage? We need @Marc878 in here stat.


Like throwing the baby out with the bath water.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

ccpowerslave said:


> Eating red beans and rice is good but throwing out the sausage? We need @Marc878 in here stat.


Its not thrown out. The kids eat it


TXTrini said:


> Can you imagine having sex with him and does that get your motor running?
> 
> I guess I don't understand the whole concept of attraction growing on you like a fungus.





Marc878 said:


> Like throwing the baby out with the bath water.


There’s attraction. I like his smile and we’ve kissed. That’s not the main focus as in the past I’ve made that the tell all and ended up blindsided cause I’ve payed attention to “attraction and sex” instead of compatible and commonality.

I may give him a chance and see if he opens up more and see how it goes. Yeah red brags and rice isn’t much, but I guess there’s a lot worse issues he could have. Not like we don’t all have issues and quirks that are weird.

I myself sometimes can be weird with what I eat or don’t. I can most likely deal with that of the conversation picks up. If not well o well.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> Its not thrown out. The kids eat it
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Also it’s been awhile that the only thing that will get my “motor” running is if he decides to eat dessert. Lol if you know what I mean. 
the only thing teacher guy did right! 🤪


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

Sue4473 said:


> Its not thrown out. The kids eat it
> 
> There’s attraction. I like his smile and we’ve kissed. That’s not the main focus as in the past I’ve made that the tell all and ended up blindsided cause I’ve payed attention to “attraction and sex” instead of compatible and commonality.
> 
> ...


Fair enough. Just be careful overinvesting in him until he shows reciprocal effort. It sucks to be excited about someone who doesn't seem to be excited about you. 

So... how did Mr. Silent (hopefully not of the Lambs) tell you he liked eating ... ice cream cones?  


Sue4473 said:


> Also it’s been awhile that the only thing that will get my “motor” running is if he decides to eat dessert. Lol if you know what I mean.
> the only thing teacher guy did right! 🤪


Don't mind me, my mind is firmly in the gutter atm.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

TXTrini said:


> Fair enough. Just be careful overinvesting in him until he shows reciprocal effort. It sucks to be excited about someone who doesn't seem to be excited about you.
> 
> So... how did Mr. Silent (hopefully not of the Lambs) tell you he liked eating ... ice cream cones?
> 
> Don't mind me, my mind is firmly in the gutter atm.


We have talked in person when we went out one night. Got to talking about relationships and sex. I was seeing if he had selfish tendencies as in some of the men I’ve dated. 
He just said that he’s a pleaser and likes to give but sometimes it’s nice to receive. Guess he’s had women not reciprocate I don’t know. 
so I put 2/2 together and assumed ok he’s good with oral.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Sue4473 said:


> We have talked in person when we went out one night. Got to talking about relationships and sex. I was seeing if he had selfish tendencies as in some of the men I’ve dated.
> He just said that he’s a pleaser and likes to give but sometimes it’s nice to receive. Guess he’s had women not reciprocate I don’t know.
> so I put 2/2 together and assumed ok he’s good with oral.


And yes, I know the feeling all too well or not getting the same in return. Just vetting him and not rushing into anything


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Sue4473 said:


> And yes, I know the feeling all too well or not getting the same in return. Just vetting him and not rushing into anything


So proud of you Sue!! 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Elizabeth001 said:


> So proud of you Sue!!
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


Just don’t start daydreaming about what it “could” or “might” be. Live in the present and guard your heart.

Hugs!!!


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Elizabeth001 said:


> Just don’t start daydreaming about what it “could” or “might” be. Live in the present and guard your heart.
> 
> Hugs!!!
> 
> ...


☺💜💜


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

Ok so I have given it my best. This guy (no food, no conversation one) isn’t for me. He knew I had some free time, and didn’t utilize it. I suggested hanging out and left the ball in his court. Nothing. I texted yesterday that I was a bit confused as I thought he wanted to go do some stuff. He replied- You know I’m a homebody and don’t like to go out.

Not sure who said it on here, but it showed me that he’s not willing or going to try to put in effort. I said I don’t think we are a good match
I wish you well. His reply: Ok.

I’m not sad. Kinda frustrating and a bit peeved.
It was exhausting trying to pull a conversation out of him sometimes. But I was willing to try. 
After I saw that he wasn’t going to put any effort in to getting together, I stopped it right there.

Now I just need help on deleting teacher guy’s Facebook. No I haven’t texted, but I look at his page- nothing on there but kid stuff, but why am I hanging on to him via social media?

I know he’s moved on. I need to permanently 

Sue


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Sue4473 said:


> Ok so I have given it my best. This guy (no food, no conversation one) isn’t for me. He knew I had some free time, and didn’t utilize it. I suggested hanging out and left the ball in his court. Nothing. I texted yesterday that I was a bit confused as I thought he wanted to go do some stuff. He replied- You know I’m a homebody and don’t like to go out.
> 
> Not sure who said it on here, but it showed me that he’s not willing or going to try to put in effort. I said I don’t think we are a good match
> I wish you well. His reply: Ok.
> ...


I think this is all for the best for YOU, Sue! 

Would you REALLY want a guy who isn't that great a match for you...?? What if you meet Mr. Perfect, but you are too busy with someone else who you aren't actually satisfied with...? 

It's best for YOU that you remain open and available until you meet someone who you feel excited and optimistic about, and it's obvious that HE is excited about YOU too!!


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> I think this is all for the best for YOU, Sue!
> 
> Would you REALLY want a guy who isn't that great a match for you...?? What if you meet Mr. Perfect, but you are too busy with someone else who you aren't actually satisfied with...?
> 
> It's best for YOU that you remain open and available until you meet someone who you feel excited and optimistic about, and it's obvious that HE is excited about YOU too!!


I do but I feel it’ll never happen.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Sue4473 said:


> I do but I feel it’ll never happen.


I know...but of course it will!!! Even if you made yourself take a year off from any relationship, you still have PLENTY of time to find someone special for YOU!!

And trying to contrive a special relationship with someone else will NEVER work - you can't force the type of connection that will make you truly happy. It's like a paradox -- if you are seeking true love and connection, the only way to FIND it is to WAIT for it.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> I know...but of course it will!!! Even if you made yourself to take a year off from any relationship, you still have PLENTY of time to find someone special for YOU!!
> 
> And trying to contrive a special relationship with someone else will NEVER work - you can't force the type of connection that will make you truly happy. It's like a paradox -- if you are seeking true love and connection, the only way to FIND it is to WAIT for it.



True. Well I am supposed to meet this guy they I’ve chatted with in the past. We’ve never met. 
But today we are meeting at a a chili’s near me.

I tried to cancel but he’s like ok let’s meet later etc. I guess I’m just like meh. Not that this guy is bad. I don’t know. He could be 
I know he dates a lot of women and for all I know he’s a player.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Sue4473 said:


> Not sure who said it on here, but it showed me that he’s not willing or going to try to put in effort. I said I don’t think we are a good match
> I wish you well. His reply: Ok.
> 
> I’m not sad. Kinda frustrating and a bit peeved.
> ...


Don't be sad. Try not to be frustrated, and don't be peeved. Just look at it as part of the process. Now you know who not to wast any more time and energy on. 

Dating is kind of like all those TV shows where people sing in front of judges. In this case YOU are the judge. You get to decide who has the potential to give your time and attention to in order for them to get to the next round. (in this case the "rounds" can be another date(s), a weekend at the vineyards, sexuality, exclusive relationship, marriage, children etc etc) 
At each round, people have to sing in front of you again to determine if they have what it takes to get your time and attention. 
If they're not cutting it or meeting what you want for that round, you wish them well on their journey and move on to the other contestants. 

And you are also signing in front of them for them to determine if you are going to be worth their time and effort to them. 

In this guy's case, he didn't even care enough to come onto your stage and sing - instant disqualification and time to move directly on to the next contestant. 

The take away here is you be the judge. If someone isn't performing to your liking - NEXT CONTESTANT.


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## Sue4473 (May 29, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> Don't be sad. Try not to be frustrated, and don't be peeved. Just look at it as part of the process. Now you know who not to wast any more time and energy on.
> 
> Dating is kind of like all those TV shows where people sing in front of judges. In this case YOU are the judge. You get to decide who has the potential to give your time and attention to in order for them to get to the next round. (in this case the "rounds" can be another date(s), a weekend at the vineyards, sexuality, exclusive relationship, marriage, children etc etc)
> At each round, people have to sing in front of you again to determine if they have what it takes to get your time and attention.
> ...


Wow great analogy!!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

Atta girl Sue!!!! 💪


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