# God gave me you



## MiseryIsHere

My husband left me. I dont know where he is for sure and he does not want to speak about whats going on. I miss him terribly. I am doing everything I can to work on myself to show am that good things can come from this. However, it is so hard because I have no idea what he is thinking. He says he plans to divorce me. I am confused, scared, and so worried about him. I believe that if we just talked, we could work through anything. 

I have been turning to God like never before. I want my spouse to do the same. I want to be a good influence on him, like the Bible tells us we can be. Its been a couple of weeks since he left but a feel like a totally new person. I fear he may be drifting further away though. I have heard and read so many different approaches to these situations. So many say to give him space and do not even talk to him. I honestly feel more compelled to give him all my love. I dont know what is right. 

I am praying he will contact me to actually talk. He is the love of my life, my family, my everything. 

Have any of you been through this? If so, how did you reach out to your spouse? Did they come back? I believe God gives us one spouse...I believe we are meant to be together.


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## Legend

Given time, I believe a stray husband will come back to a caring wife, so long as he is not involved in an extramarital affair. Not sure why he left but all you can do is pray to have God guide his heart. Confide in people you trust who have enough distance from your life to give you an objective perspective.

That being said, the word of God gives us two excusable reasons for divorce: infidelity and physical abandonment. Since you want to be reconciled, give him time and let him come to you. However, be warned. It could take a few months before he sees the error of his ways.


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## MiseryIsHere

Thank you for replying legend. I do pray that God is in his heart and that he is listening and praying to him. It is so hard not knowing what is happening. I do not believe that an affair is going on.


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## doureallycare2

MIH,

Believe it or not there is some good news, by turning to your faith, your Lord and God you turned to the only one that can and will love you unconditionally! He will not forsake you, not only that but he promises you that he has the best in store for you! "For I know the plans I have for you, plans for good and not for evil"...."And we know all things will work together for good to them who love the lord, who are called according to his purpose." The key in this for you is going to be resting and trusting that God knows what is best for you, not you trying to do whatever it takes to get what you think are best..... God see's the heart of men; he not only knows yours but knows your husbands also. He not only knows what is happening now but what is going to happen 10 years from now... We know that God hates divorce, that’s not his will; however because of the evilness in men’s hearts he gave Moses the allowed reasons for divorce. You can’t not manipulate, control or change the heart of your husband. Yes, God can but he does not do that, he gave us free will. I have reconciled with mstbxh many times over the years because I was sure God had changed his heart. His heart never changed, he just got better at lies and deceit. That of course still doesn’t mean that it won’t happen but I came to accept that it was ok for me to give up and let go and give him totally over to his sin and let God deal with it. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

For you, I would recommend being "still" as the bible says. Know that he is God... Do what you need to do for your relationship with God and wait upon him. Your husband knows how you feel; your in laws know how you feel. Give them up to God, don’t strive. If there is an opportunity that God wants you to take for a reconciliation he will let you know believe me.... I am adding you to my prayer list. meanwhile see if there is a divorce care group at a church near you... very important to get support and help during this time. Even with tons of support the pain seems unbearable so you need as much as you can get... remember that you are loved, that you are a chosen princess of our Lord.


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## Justadude

You are doing great….take things day by day. Continue to reach out to the Lord because he is your lifeline. In fact he is the most important thing in our lives.

These are the lesson I’m learning, to TRUST him. That sounds easy, but is not, and takes work. I faced a similar circumstance last year, my wife was having an affair and I was so driven to repair the marriage and make it work…that I became obsessed. At the same time I was reconnecting with the Lord like I hadn’t in 20 years. For me it didn’t work out, the character flaws in her would make it impossible to have a good life together. One thing I needed to do was to let it go, if God so desired. That’s the trust part…declare your trust in him every day. Let him know what you want, but then understand that he knows what’s best for you. Not your will be done, but his. There is freedom in letting go, but this is something you have to do. It’s dying to self, and it doesn’t come without deep thought and prayer. Once you let it go, your husband may come back, who knows. If he does come back, it will be a much healthier you waiting for him, if he doesn’t come back, there is a much healthier you waiting for the next thing God will bring.

Use this time to make positive changes in your life. You can’t control your WH, do not try to…this is very hard, and will take time…I know I’ve been there. Day by day…baby steps.


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## MiseryIsHere

I am doing my best to trust in God. I pray every day and very hard. I don't know if its wrong but I pray that he opens my husbands heart and leads him back to me. I am trying to put my fear and anxiety in Him. I just know with all my heart that if he would talk to me, if he would open up, we would be together and stronger than ever.


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## Justadude

Keep it up! No its not wrong to pray for your WH.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## doureallycare2

MiseryIsHere said:


> I am doing my best to trust in God. I pray every day and very hard. I don't know if its wrong but I pray that he opens my husbands heart and leads him back to me. I am trying to put my fear and anxiety in Him. I just know with all my heart that if he would talk to me, if he would open up, we would be together and stronger than ever.


My heart breaks for you, I know your pain well. Not only is it not wrong to pray for your WH, but we are told in the word to pray for them. Yoou are limiting your pray though if its only to listn to you. He needs to listen to the holy spirt, God can use or even someone else. You say that you know in your " heart". Unfortunately the heart is deceivingly wicked above all things. Its not wrong for you to hope he would listen to you but you don't "know" if he will. GOD Does and may be protecting your heart right know.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Michelleinmichigan

MiseryIsHere said:


> My husband left me. I dont know where he is for sure and he does not want to speak about whats going on. I miss him terribly. I am doing everything I can to work on myself to show am that good things can come from this. However, it is so hard because I have no idea what he is thinking. He says he plans to divorce me. I am confused, scared, and so worried about him. I believe that if we just talked, we could work through anything.
> 
> I have been turning to God like never before. I want my spouse to do the same. I want to be a good influence on him, like the Bible tells us we can be. Its been a couple of weeks since he left but a feel like a totally new person. I fear he may be drifting further away though. I have heard and read so many different approaches to these situations. So many say to give him space and do not even talk to him. I honestly feel more compelled to give him all my love. I dont know what is right.
> 
> I am praying he will contact me to actually talk. He is the love of my life, my family, my everything.
> 
> Have any of you been through this? If so, how did you reach out to your spouse? Did they come back? I believe God gives us one spouse...I believe we are meant to be together.


There is too little information to understand anything. If your husband is telling you he wants a divorce, that's not the right time to start to talk about God. Pray for him. 

If you have had God in your lives all along, He will come back, and God will take care of everything. Anything you do or don't do will work out. Pray for him.

The fact that he is telling you he wants a divorce, and didn't simply leave, isn't good. What is the reason for the divorce? Any ideas.

Realize that someone can love you for years, and without notice want nothing to do with you. In that case, the more you chase him, the more he will run.


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## MiseryIsHere

I believe he left because of issues I have had with his parents. You could call it an unresolved resentment. Over time, it became almost simpler to just ignore the issue. If we were to fought, it was our reason to fight. THe thing is, it was all stupid and immature. I don't want to ruin our entire marriage and friendship because of this. It is so fixable. I want to reconcile with his parents and with him. I want him to know that I will make this work and I have no doubt we can figure this out. Honestly, spending some time with his family would be a great part of the cure. I just dont know how to make him see that I want to make this work. I do not want to lose him. I completely unerestimated how much it was hurting him. If he and his parents would agree to move on, we can move on together as a family. My problem, of course, is to get him to beleive this and see this and talk to me.


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## Michelleinmichigan

Have you talked to his parents? Everything should work out. I would talk to his parents and let them know how sorry you are, you didn't realize, and were immature.

Thank them for everything they have done and let them know that you love their son no matter what.


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## MiseryIsHere

His parents have my phone number blocked. I drove a few hours to their house as well but noone would answer the door. I wrote them a letter saying the things you said and more...all towards resolving this. That was a couple of weeks ago. I also asked them in the letter to sit down and have a meal together so we could all talk. I have not recieved any reply.


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## FormerSelf

Sometimes even though you think you know the "fix" to your situation...you have to release it to God. Get out of God's way so that He can work on your husband's heart...let go of control. I know all about the fear of loss...and the HUGE risk it is to release someone to their choice. But the more you try to control it, fix it...you risk a chance of bungling up the process. Deal with your own emotions...then start listening to what God may have to say to your heart about this. I know what I am talking about...I reacted exactly how you did...and made it much worse. I had to accept that my marriage could be over, that I needed to see what my issues were, that I could not force, cajole, persuade someone to recommit to marriage...they have to make that choice on their own. Only when I let go, accepted the worst case scenario...was I clear minded enough to focus on the real things...and not live in a perpetual state of anxiety concerning where my spouse was at. God wants you to be perfect IN HIM...you can attain that now, regardless of your husband's choice. And trust me, when you restore your relationship with God, and He starts changing you from the inside out...it will change your husband's entire perception of you. This is not easy, but anything else is a band-aid.
Oh yeah, and my wife noticed a huge change in me...and even though it has been messy...she today has begun therapy for the first time we have been married...and we are in the process of reconciliation after years of her sex addiction and emotional affairs. I don't know what she will choose down the line...but I am at peace...I have full trust and confidence in the Lord. So don't be too quick to dismiss what I am saying like I don't know what the hell I am talking about...if God can turn my marriage around...He can turn anyone's. But it is going to take at least ONE of you to walk in obedience...and that will have to be you. Trust Him...stop trying to get your hands in what God wants to do...pray until your face melts off...and then rest in his peace and be obedient to what He may be speaking to your heart.


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## MiseryIsHere

@FormerSelf
Thank you for your reply. It is really making me think. Can I ask if you and your wife were seperated for long? Were you speaking to one another? How did your wife notice a change in you?
I have been praying and thinking of what to do next. I thought about sending one more email with the rest of what I wanted to say in it..saying that our marriage does not have to end and telling him that all he needs to do is say the word and things can be made right. What do you think?
The only thing that confuses me abut letting go and letting God take control is that God so often works through us. I remember hearing a sermon about how we have to DO something and God expects us too. Any comment on that? I feel so torn.


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## doureallycare2

FormerSelf said:


> Sometimes even though you think you know the "fix" to your situation...you have to release it to God. Get out of God's way so that He can work on your husband's heart...let go of control. I know all about the fear of loss...and the HUGE risk it is to release someone to their choice. But the more you try to control it, fix it...you risk a chance of bungling up the process. Deal with your own emotions...then start listening to what God may have to say to your heart about this. I know what I am talking about...I reacted exactly how you did...and made it much worse. I had to accept that my marriage could be over, that I needed to see what my issues were, that I could not force, cajole, persuade someone to recommit to marriage...they have to make that choice on their own. Only when I let go, accepted the worst case scenario...was I clear minded enough to focus on the real things...and not live in a perpetual state of anxiety concerning where my spouse was at. God wants you to be perfect IN HIM...you can attain that now, regardless of your husband's choice. And trust me, when you restore your relationship with God, and He starts changing you from the inside out...it will change your husband's entire perception of you. This is not easy, but anything else is a band-aid.
> Oh yeah, and my wife noticed a huge change in me...and even though it has been messy...she today has begun therapy for the first time we have been married...and we are in the process of reconciliation after years of her sex addiction and emotional affairs. I don't know what she will choose down the line...but I am at peace...I have full trust and confidence in the Lord. So don't be too quick to dismiss what I am saying like I don't know what the hell I am talking about...if God can turn my marriage around...He can turn anyone's. But it is going to take at least ONE of you to walk in obedience...and that will have to be you. Trust Him...stop trying to get your hands in what God wants to do...pray until your face melts off...and then rest in his peace and be obedient to what He may be speaking to your heart.


Awsome post. So glad you are seeing a ray b of sunshine in a difficult marriage. I just gave up bmp on mine. After 45 years of dealing with his sec addiction he chose to have another affair. I couldn't do it anymore but it breaks my heart. Others can't understand my feelings and want me to be angry. I'm just sad and hurt.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FormerSelf

MiseryIsHere said:


> @FormerSelf
> Thank you for your reply. It is really making me think. Can I ask if you and your wife were seperated for long? Were you speaking to one another? How did your wife notice a change in you?
> I have been praying and thinking of what to do next. I thought about sending one more email with the rest of what I wanted to say in it..saying that our marriage does not have to end and telling him that all he needs to do is say the word and things can be made right. What do you think?
> The only thing that confuses me abut letting go and letting God take control is that God so often works through us. I remember hearing a sermon about how we have to DO something and God expects us too. Any comment on that? I feel so torn.


God is all about free will in people, and although there are times that we do need to act and step in to protect our family, to support those in need, to confront others in love...yet when it comes to someone's personal choices, we have to respect that boundary. God certainly respects ours...never forces us or tries to pressure us to choose Him...the consequences of our lives falling apart while doing things apart from Him naturally draw us back to His love. This is what I mean by getting out of God's way...as your husband needs to start acknowledging the effects of his choice...and that process can't begin if you are trying to constantly flag him down. It is well within your boundary to plainly communicate your stance to your husband, saying basically that you still want to fight for the marriage and that you intend to work on the things that pushed him away, yet you intend to respect his boundary and will be available when he is ready to talk. It is time to take action, but action that is focused on getting some healing for yourself.
As for my story...it is evidence that marriage is hard. Thirteen years into the marriage, after a big relocation for her career, she demanded I move out...inexplicably...by surprise (although I DID dream a couple weeks prior that she said "I'm leaving you.") I was a complete wreck. I did everything wrong (begged, pleaded, constantly called and texted in panic) and pushed her away...then I found out she was having EAs with people. Devastation. But then I stated reading stuff on codependency and Love Must Be Tough...and I changed my behavior which drew her back. Still, we got back together too soon...'cos she was still acting out secretly and my behavioral changes didn't stick. Separated again for a month and another reconciliation...two years later, three months ago, threat of divorce..and then a couple weeks ago...she finally is getting help for herself and wants to reconcile. So not a perfect turnaround story...so the truth is I am not able to manipulate my wife back into the marriage...and the only reason why she is still in the game is because I am not crowding her...this all about her addiction relapses...and I know she is trying to fight for it 'cos she really wants to now...but I am at the place now where I DO want to see this work out, but if working on us gets in the way of her sobriety where she starts up her sex addiction, then we probably shouldn't be married anymore. I love my wife, but am prepared to let her go if she chooses. This is the place where I wish I was three years ago...being at peace and trusting God that He knows best for the both of us.


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## FormerSelf

doureallycare2 said:


> Awsome post. So glad you are seeing a ray b of sunshine in a difficult marriage. I just gave up bmp on mine. After 45 years of dealing with his sec addiction he chose to have another affair. I couldn't do it anymore but it breaks my heart. Others can't understand my feelings and want me to be angry. I'm just sad and hurt.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Well, not to be dishonest to OP, it is no fairytale happy ending. I Just know that through proper work, it CAN turnaround, but both need to be in the same place. I just remember how it feels to be in that emotional whirlwind of having the marital carpet ripped under your feet...and all you want to do is get some footing and to stop the excrutiating pain.
In my marriage, there still is some pain...especially as we deal with our stuff...and I certainly hold no judgement to those who have tried and tried (as in your scenario, durc2)...and have decided to pull the plug. Presently I feel I am at a place where I don't feel like a victim anymore and am empowered to make the best decision I can...and if that means releasing her so she can focus on her recovery without my issues getting in the way, I will. Marriages are either getting better or getting worse...no plateaus...so even if a marriage does turnaround...the amount of worked required to get out of the gravity of that blackhole is quadrupled...and only then will things stablize for the marriage to require general maintenance. I guess a car is the best analogy...if it is broke down or on the verge of it...it is going to take ALL that you have to put it together...and then afterwards needs a schedule of upkeep. Addicts however are individually broken (as well as the coaddict), so they get to focus on fixing themselves as well as fixing the marriage...so that is a monumental task. I just want what is best for her sobriety...but if we can get that and make the marriage work, I want that more than anything.


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## Disneyme

I know your pain. My husband left. I know it was a midlife crisis. And nothing you say or do can change their minds. I just found this site rejoiceministries.org I t will help you stand for your marriage. My husband is living with someone now. i even sat with her and talked to her to make her know that it was not my idea to divorce, and still do not want it. I am trying to meet with him to do the same. Once they know my feelings, they are openly committing adultery. I pray for my husband to soften his heart, I pray blessings over the other woman they she may find someone God has for her, because this is not God. this is the devil working. and as soon as I took the stand and started releasing of course the devil came hard and my H posted a picture of the two of them. He got 19 likes for admitting adultery. Very hard to swallow, but I believe I was under attack. That is what happens when you try to fight the devil. I am will to start over even after what he has done. I am fighting for my marriage and my 3 kids. The new woman wants to start a whole new family with him. I pray God does not do that for them, but maybe for her and a new man.


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## doureallycare2

Disney, Im so sorry....How painful to not only see a picture of them together but to have people cruel enough to actually hit "like" for something like that.. I also tried talking with one of the woman my stbxh had an affair with years ago as she was a friend from our church, when they get to the point that they only see the affair through their own selfish eyes nothing can sway them but God and time. Ill remember you in my prayers.


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## MiseryIsHere

I am trying to give him time. I wonder how long I am supposed to do this though? When he has no communication with me, isn't this a lot of time? It will be a full month tomorrow. I have no idea where he is anymore. The pain is just excruciating. It's only getting worse. His dad has said something about how the stress is taking a toll of my husband too. Im not sure how to take that. I just wish I knew something--that he is safe, if he is thinking about me, if he is reconsidering...something.


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## Mr Blunt

> BQuote *by MiseryIsHere*
> The only thing that confuses me abut letting go and letting God take control is that God so often works through us. I remember hearing a sermon about how we have to DO something and God expects us too. Any comment on that? I feel so torn.



When I was somewhat in your situation and was asking myself the questions you asked above; this is what I have concluded. Letting go and letting God went like this for me.

I finally ran to God as all my efforts failed. *I discovered that what I could do to please God was for me to realize my own separations from God and work on getting myself right*.

I realized that God had to be involved in my situation or it was not going to get better. I never came to the conclusion that I was to do nothing. I first started getting myself right with God then I would be ready if He was going to use me in helping my loved one.

I failed often at keeping myself out of trying to help. Something would come into my mind and I would try to execute that action. I was never sure that God was or was not putting those ideas into my head. I finally told God that I was going to try and help and if it was not His plan that He would stop me or at least make it so I did not screw things up more.
I ran and ran and ran like a hamster on a wheel without getting a solution and finally my wife announced that she was leaving. Then it happened; I made her tell the family, then threw the car keys at her, and told her to get out. I was relieved and resolved and somewhat peaceful. She came back but that is a long story and not exactly the point I want to make.

The point I am trying to make is that God may use you or He may leave you completely out of changing your loved one. *What I am sure of is that God wants you to get your relationship with HIM improved as the utmost and highest priority.*


My own plans that did not include wise Godly principles that I executed in trying to change my wife, did not help at all and probably hurt the situation. God has fully forgiven me for this and His forgiveness is just another security building action that God did for me.

*God may or may not use you just be very sure that what you do have solid Christian principles at the core*. In my case, the one I am referring to in this post were; God drew me to Him, and I improved spiritually, and finally applied the principles of accountability and respect for myself and let her go. That is when the big change occurred.


*Your spouse or any one else is to never come before GOD! God makes this very clear throughout the whole Bible.* We humans get very co-dependant on other people and that is so understandable but if we put God in second place that human relationship will eventually crumble.


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## doureallycare2

Mr Blunt said:


> When I was somewhat in your situation and was asking myself the questions you asked above; this is what I have concluded. Letting go and letting God went like this for me.
> 
> I finally ran to God as all my efforts failed. *I discovered that what I could do to please God was for me to realize my own separations from God and work on getting myself right*.
> 
> I realized that God had to be involved in my situation or it was not going to get better. I never came to the conclusion that I was to do nothing. I first started getting myself right with God then I would be ready if He was going to use me in helping my loved one.
> 
> I failed often at keeping myself out of trying to help. Something would come into my mind and I would try to execute that action. I was never sure that God was or was not putting those ideas into my head. I finally told God that I was going to try and help and if it was not His plan that He would stop me or at least make it so I did not screw things up more.
> I ran and ran and ran like a hamster on a wheel without getting a solution and finally my wife announced that she was leaving. Then it happened; I made her tell the family, then threw the car keys at her, and told her to get out. I was relieved and resolved and somewhat peaceful. She came back but that is a long story and not exactly the point I want to make.
> 
> The point I am trying to make is that God may use you or He may leave you completely out of changing your loved one. *What I am sure of is that God wants you to get your relationship with HIM improved as the utmost and highest priority.*
> 
> 
> My own plans that did not include wise Godly principles that I executed in trying to change my wife, did not help at all and probably hurt the situation. God has fully forgiven me for this and His forgiveness is just another security building action that God did for me.
> 
> *God may or may not use you just be very sure that what you do have solid Christian principles at the core*. In my case, the one I am referring to in this post were; God drew me to Him, and I improved spiritually, and finally applied the principles of accountability and respect for myself and let her go. That is when the big change occurred.
> 
> 
> *Your spouse or any one else is to never come before GOD! God makes this very clear throughout the whole Bible.* We humans get very co-dependant on other people and that is so understandable but if we put God in second place that human relationship will eventually crumble.




That was a very good response; I needed to hear it again also!! So thank you! I tried to explain that to her about a month ago. Yet I know you can have good days and bad, sometimes a reconciliation will happen as in your case and also in mine back about 8 years ago. But its not always the case and its not always the best either... I took my stbxh back several times, I was very much understand Miseryishere feelings and your wanting to know the answer to these questions. You may have been quite to your husband but you are not being quite within yourself. You still want to strive for that marriage, what can you do, what can you say.... I know, I understand... 

I agree so much with the posting here by Mr. Blunt, you need to work so much on your relationship with the Lord that your at peace within yourself and with whatever happens in the marriage and with your H. Easy to say I know and hard to do.. But it will come if you keep working every day to give it over to the Lord and you work on being 
"still" and knowing he's in control and will do what’s best for you.


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## Justadude

This is a hard thing to do, but please keep the goal in mind that God’s will is above your will. Pray what you want to happen with your husband, and then that you want to want His will above yours. I really think he honors that. Let Him know that you want to trust in Him, but you’re just not totally there yet. 

I do this all the time, when I know His will is better, but I still want what I want more.


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## MiseryIsHere

I am trying so hard, I really am. My life has revolved around this. I have grown with God so much. But I am also in so much pain. I am trying to give my anxiety and this whole situation to God. To be honest, I would feel better I think if I knew it was only in God's hands but I know my husband has his own free will. I never, ever thought he would do this. I worry about him greatly. I am having severe anxiety and depression. I used to have an eating disorder but its been years and it actually finally went away because of my husband and his love for me. It's coming back full force. On top of it all, and I can hardly believe it, I think I may be pregnant. When it rains, it pours? I dont know what to do. I keep being told to give him his space but what about these issues? Should he know? What if I am pregnant..do I tell him? I need so much help right now.


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## MiseryIsHere

I know we are strangers but please pray for us.


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## doureallycare2

Misery: 

You say you "think" you may be pregnant? Why don’t you know for sure rather than worrying about it. also how long have you been separated? Its been a couple of months right? You should have definitely at least done a home test. Don’t worry about it until you know for sure. Worry can affect your cycle, eating disorders can affect your cycle. You probably know that. 

To tell you the truth I don’t think you’re ready to reunite with your husband. If you can’t get a handle on your emotions while he's not making contact, how will you ever do if you start working on the relationship. I’ve been there, It’s hard to be "dating" your own husband and not know what he’s doing while he's away from you. Are you seeing a counselor? Are you on any med's? you need to help yourself before you work on the marriage.


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## MiseryIsHere

It has been just over a month. And I would not say we are "dating" seeing how he won't communicate with me. Believe me, I could get a far better handle on my emotions if my husband were here. My life spiraled out of control in a matter of hours and every day is full of nothing but uncertainty. I wasn't a total mess until the love of my life left. And no, I am not on meds.


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## doubletrouble

When our daughter was playing out her homeless game (she had a home, but chose otherwise), the prayer we had for her, most of all, was "Lord, please make YOUR voice the loudest one in her mind."

Of course we wanted specific things, but that's the best prayer I think we could've come up with. She's since come back home, cleaned up over a year's time, and has gone back out into the world with a much healthier outlook and attitude on everything. 

God's will, not mine, be done.


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## MiseryIsHere

Thanks, doubletrouble. I like that prayer. I keep praying for positive influences, that he reaches to God, a sign for what I need to do, etc.. It is so hard though when I have no idea what my husband is thinking and no idea what the future looks like. It has now been nearly 6 weeks.


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## MiseryIsHere

How do you feel that God speaks to you? Do you just "feel" it? I had a couple of moments that just hit me..like strange AHA moments..I really felt that one was God speaking to me by giving me a Bible verse. I dont really understand the verse because of its context, however. Then I keep getting this image of my husband and I having a great big dinner with all of these people who helped us to get through this. Its like a dream..it sounds weird, I know, and I have never had anything like that. Do you think God talks to us in ways like that?


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## MiseryIsHere

Please do not criticize me for this but I emailed my husband tonight asking him to come to our house so that we can go to dinner together this Thursday...for our 10th anniversary. I told him I would be waiting for him. For those of you who are Christian, I am asking for prayers with me and that he will come. God has been working deeply on me and I hope that he has done the same for my spouse. I am praying for a miracle and having hope in my Lord.


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## doureallycare2

Misery, Why would we criticize you? You love your H and you want desperately for reconciliation. Those are all commendable and wonderful things... I will pray for Gods will to happen in your life, remember what I told you before.... He knows the heart of you both and he knows what is in your best interest, You and I both believed that best interest was a reconciliation, I had mine only to find out that was my desire not Gods. He does not change the heart of men. Trust God to receive the blessings he longs to bestow on you for they are many!!


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## MiseryIsHere

Thank you. I didn't want criticized for not following the 180 rule/cutting all contact idea that is so prominent here. I am giving up control to God but that does not mean I have to stop all contact with my husband--that would only be what he has done to me. I know that God's will is above mine and I cannot make my husband do anything. However, I will continue to offer him love. God has been working so hard on me that it just amazes me. I do hope that my husband will left Him into his heart as well for restoration.


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## doubletrouble

MiseryIsHere said:


> Thanks, doubletrouble. I like that prayer. I keep praying for positive influences, that he reaches to God, a sign for what I need to do, etc.. It is so hard though when I have no idea what my husband is thinking and no idea what the future looks like. It has now been nearly 6 weeks.


It's good to keep communicating, keep on the ball, and as I have said many times, "stay awake and aware." You may have to pry his thoughts and feelings out of him; sometimes people require that, but you'll get there if you are both wanting R. 



MiseryIsHere said:


> How do you feel that God speaks to you? Do you just "feel" it? I had a couple of moments that just hit me..like strange AHA moments..I really felt that one was God speaking to me by giving me a Bible verse. I dont really understand the verse because of its context, however. Then I keep getting this image of my husband and I having a great big dinner with all of these people who helped us to get through this. Its like a dream..it sounds weird, I know, and I have never had anything like that. Do you think God talks to us in ways like that?


I think that's one way, for me anyway. It's not like you hear voices in your head. It's peace that comes with a revelation of sorts. Not something you normally would've thought of, but when it strikes you, it fits perfectly and you have peace with it. 

For me, the main ingredient is peace that goes along with the decision. 



MiseryIsHere said:


> Please do not criticize me for this but I emailed my husband tonight asking him to come to our house so that we can go to dinner together this Thursday...for our 10th anniversary. I told him I would be waiting for him. For those of you who are Christian, I am asking for prayers with me and that he will come. God has been working deeply on me and I hope that he has done the same for my spouse. I am praying for a miracle and having hope in my Lord.


God's will be done, sister.


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## MiseryIsHere

Thats how I felt too..just peaceful. God gave me a verse..John 4:16. I had no doubt whatsoever that it was God. He gave me another later. It literally just made me stop in my tracks because it was so surreal..but real. If that makes sense! Then theres this vision that I just cant shed. My relationship with the Lord was never like this before. I cant wait to open my Bible..to worship him, to pray. I get so excited to go to church. I hope I can share all of this with my husband..I want him to have this relationship with the Lord too.


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## MiseryIsHere

I dont know that my husband wants R right now...but I also dont think he actually wants to leave. I think he is so incredibly torn and feeling like he has to pick between me and his parents. I want him to see and know he can have both..and more..because we needed Jesus.


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## Mr Blunt

> My relationship with the Lord was never like this before. I cant wait to open my Bible..to worship him, to pray. I get so excited to go to church


This is a very positive sign IMO. I think sometimes God allows pain and suffering to allow the person to get closer to Him.


If your husband respects a Godly spirit then he will be attracted to the new you.
However, God's first and greatest commandment is to love God; see scripture below


*Matthew 22:36-40
New International Version (NIV)
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment.*



Blunt


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## MiseryIsHere

I know that now. Wanting the same for my husband. I feel that he might be seeing divorce as a goal to complete. Why do you think he will not speak to me? 
Doing my best to stay positive and realize that prayer can work wonders.


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## MiseryIsHere

I posted this elsewhere and realized it was the wrong thread.I have been to the doctor..and then the hospital. During our arguments, I would get so angry and then go back to being fine. I didnt understand why I would get so mad. Long story short, there is a medical problem that actually came from years of having an eating disorder. It is easily solved and from the meds I am on, it has worked. This anger, I believe, had a lot of do with his leaving...it wouldnt allow me to just talk. I never saw a doctor even after working on recovering from the eating disorder to realize what happened. Now I am devastated to think I may have ruined my whole life from not seeing a doctor..due to no health insurance/money. I am praying hard on this..trying to decide if I should tell him this? I worry he will not believe me but at the same time it might make sense to him. He has always been so patient with his mom who has mental illness...if I just need some medical care here and there/prescritpions, what if he will open his eyes? So many regrets..


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## MiseryIsHere

He didnt show up for our 10th anniversary yesterday. Today a sheriff came to the house and gave me divorce papers. My husband has still not spoken a word to me. So broken. So overwhelmed with pain. Just wanted restoration


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## Mr Blunt

> He didnt show up for our 10th anniversary yesterday. Today a sheriff came to the house and gave me divorce papers. My husband has still not spoken a word to me. So broken. So overwhelmed with pain. Just wanted restoration




I am sorry for your pain. It seems very strange that your husband would divorce over you having an issue with his parents; especially since you have made a gallant effort to reconcile with them. Is there more to this story?



At this point your husband’s position is way out of your control. *I urge you to start concentrating on building yourself up*. Your husband is not your whole world. By you building yourself up you will have improved your life if your husband comes back or stays away.



*Get help if you need to but do not sit at home and think about your pain.* Millions of women have got through this kind of thing and so can you. You will suffer for a while but if you take the right steps you will find out that your husband is not God and he is not your whole world.

I do not mean to be harsh but you must take actions to get through this crisis. *No person should break you for life!*



Blunt


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## MiseryIsHere

He is choosing his parents over me. Their relationship..obviously..means more to him. He has always been torn between me vs. them. When he left me, he went straight to them. I still hope he will return and reconcile this whole family. He has still not spoken a word to me.


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## Mr Blunt

*What are you doing to get better about this situation? *
You have to prepare yourself in the event he does not come back


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## doureallycare2

MiseryIsHere said:


> He didnt show up for our 10th anniversary yesterday. Today a sheriff came to the house and gave me divorce papers. My husband has still not spoken a word to me. So broken. So overwhelmed with pain. Just wanted restoration


Misery: I really wish that you would be able to read over the past advice you have received here, (right from the begining) and ask God to help you see it and understand it with new eyes. 

I really was not going to respond to you again because like I have told you a few times......I’ve been where you are and I could tell you basically just want to vent and are not listening with your ears or soul to what’s being said to you. I felt that you were not ready to hear any words of wisdom and that they would just fall into the stones......This is so painful........ I know.... I really do understand the agony... I was calling suicide hotlines years ago because of my pain, I want restoration with my husband more than anything in the world. I believed God was also telling me not to give up on him and every scripture i read pertained to it, every prayer I prayed.

If you hear one thing please hear this..... God does not have a plan for you and your life that is "evil". He says I have a plan for you and it is good and not evil..... However as much as God hates divorce your marriage may not be in his plan for you because of the evilness of man’s hearts. Sin is a terrible thing. and yes your husband is in sin if he is not willing to do everything he can to make a marriage work with you.. But that is between him and God. You have to let god work in him. If there is a restoration for life, it will not be because of anything "humanly done" on your part. It won’t be because you said or did just the right thing, or prayed just the right prayer.

There is no magic key here for you. 

But believe it or not, the magic has already begun with you. Your Lord will lead you, guide you, bless you and hold you. You will get through this and can be a stronger better Christian because of it. let go and let God. its called trust, not for what you want but for what HE wants for you! Trust him, give your desires up to him....


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## Justadude

May I recommend a book? Currently I'm reading "When God Makes Lemonade" by Don Jacobsen. It's a collection of many short stories when bad things happen to people, and they end up with a blessing. This will be your story as well. Keep on keeping on, one day at a time, and don't give up.

Your whole life is not your husband, and it shouldn't be...there is plenty more that life has to offer than a man who has treated you so poorly.


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## Justadude

So, how are you doing?


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## notdone

Dear MiseryIsHere,

I am so sorry for your pain. I've been there. Somedays, still there. It's been over a year since my wife left and 3 months since our divorce was final.

You have received the Good News and are listening and acting upon it, probably like never before. I did and work on it every day. Mr. Blunt and Sandc in this forum among many others helped me stay focused on God. I can tell you the path to God has changed my life for the better. There are instant times of peace. There are longer times of warmth. There are long, long times of happiness when I look back and realize how much has changed. Sandc said to me once stop looking back on Gomorrah. That's what I try to practice now. 

You'll probably want this fixed right now. To have your family unity back today, in the next minute. Didn't happen for me. Might not ever in the fantasy I daydreamed about. 

That doesn't mean there isn't happiness. My happiness is far different than what I thought I wanted today, now a year plus, later. Your love for God, your love (faith in God, loving actions, your positive practices in all you do) for your fellow people grows and grows. That feeling of love from God and recognizing it, the little day to day things that make you smile, the love of others and the thanks you give to God each time grows and grows. For me, it's a changed life. Yes, I want her back. But at what cost? Our eternal salvation? The black emptiness of a slight relationship with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit? The inability to make sound, quick decisions because I have no faith that God is there to fix or carry on his will for me and others?

Today, more than a year after the bomb. A happy house, teens are flourishing. Business better than ever. Health and fitness best of my life. My family and friendships best of my life. All because of God. It's all his. He revealed, he pulled me under his wing. All free. The patience, love and hope. I work at it and am so grateful to have studied faith and still have much to learn.

My prayers are for you today.
Notdone
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mr Blunt

> Reply by Notdone
> Today, more than a year after the bomb. A happy house, teens are flourishing. Business better than ever. Health and fitness best of my life. My family and friendships best of my life. All because of God. It's all his. He revealed, he pulled me under his wing. All free. The patience, love and hope. I work at it and am so grateful to have studied faith and still have much to learn.
> 
> My prayers are for you today.
> Notdone


*What a great testimony and such encouraging realities!*

Miseryishere
Your spouse is not your whole life and not the most important thing in your life.

Notdone is a great source for you to get guidance and encouragement from


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## doureallycare2

notdone said:


> Dear MiseryIsHere,
> 
> I am so sorry for your pain. I've been there. Somedays, still there. It's been over a year since my wife left and 3 months since our divorce was final.
> 
> You have received the Good News and are listening and acting upon it, probably like never before. I did and work on it every day. Mr. Blunt and Sandc in this forum among many others helped me stay focused on God. I can tell you the path to God has changed my life for the better. There are instant times of peace. There are longer times of warmth. There are long, long times of happiness when I look back and realize how much has changed. Sandc said to me once stop looking back on Gomorrah. That's what I try to practice now.
> 
> You'll probably want this fixed right now. To have your family unity back today, in the next minute. Didn't happen for me. Might not ever in the fantasy I daydreamed about.
> 
> That doesn't mean there isn't happiness. My happiness is far different than what I thought I wanted today, now a year plus, later. Your love for God, your love (faith in God, loving actions, your positive practices in all you do) for your fellow people grows and grows. That feeling of love from God and recognizing it, the little day to day things that make you smile, the love of others and the thanks you give to God each time grows and grows. For me, it's a changed life. Yes, I want her back. But at what cost? Our eternal salvation? The black emptiness of a slight relationship with God, Jesus and The Holy Spirit? The inability to make sound, quick decisions because I have no faith that God is there to fix or carry on his will for me and others?
> 
> Today, more than a year after the bomb. A happy house, teens are flourishing. Business better than ever. Health and fitness best of my life. My family and friendships best of my life. All because of God. It's all his. He revealed, he pulled me under his wing. All free. The patience, love and hope. I work at it and am so grateful to have studied faith and still have much to learn.
> 
> My prayers are for you today.
> Notdone
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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