# To The BS Here, I'm Sorry.



## WakeUpWS (Jan 7, 2012)

I was a WS. I hurt my wife greatly. It's been 9 months since D-day and it's been a long, painful, but rewarding journey.

My wife is a strong and gracious woman. While this hurt her deeply, she has found the strength and desire to forgive me and reconcile. It's a day to day process but I am testament that hard work, thorough self-examination, and remorse may help repair the damage an affair can cause.

It was my fault. My failing. I didn't keep check on myself, I didn't take care of my relationship as well as I should. I became vulnerable and fell into a really dark place I never wish to return to.

We've been in weekly MC since D-day and it's been a life-saver for me. It has revealed several faults (as I initially blamed my wife for my pain) that I failed to take notice of. I am working on them still. Probably for the rest of my life.

In the process of self-discovery, being a musician, I wrote a song (with the help of bandmates) that encapsulates how I fell, and what I'm doing to repair my marriage and myself.

I felt there was something deeper for me to discover and express. I also made a video to explain myself to my wife.

So, to the BSs, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your pain. You didn't deserve the betrayal. You didn't deserve the disregard. And, if there's any true love left for your WS, please explore it before writing them off. We may have done a horrible thing, but we aren't all necessarily horrible people.

I will have to live with what I've done the rest of my life. This is my burden.

Sleepwalking - The Advisors - YouTube


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Former WS like yourself that have shown true remorse and bent over backwards to help their BS heal are not the problem so as far as I'm concerned, no apologies to us - with exception of your spouse of course - are necessary, for your actions are more than sufficient proof that what you say is what you mean.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

I wish there were more remorseful spouses like yourself but unfortunately the stories on this forum speak otherwise.


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## tiptoe1969 (Dec 31, 2011)

WakeUP great song. It is wonderful that your wife opened her heart to forgive. I love to hear the stories from a truly remorseful WS. Can you share more about your journey? How long was your affair and did d-day end the affair?


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

Well let me be the first to welcome you to the cheaters club here on TAM (I'm a member to). You'll find that, despite being on the cheating side of the coin, if you are remorseful and take ownership of what you did the betrayed spouses here are understanding and more than willing to help if they can. 

It's the cheaters who show up here wanting justification or to defend their affair that tend to get eaten alive. 

Sounds like you're doing the right things. Support your wife and be there for her - she's given you a wonderful gift in forgiveness. You're miles ahead in that you seem to realize that. As you move forward - stick around. If you're willing to you can actually help people here by providing a different perspective and you might just get something out of it to.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

morituri said:


> Former WS like yourself that have shown true remorse and bent over backwards to help their BS heal are not the problem so as far as I'm concerned, no apologies to us - with exception of your spouse of course - are necessary, for your actions are more than sufficient proof that what you say is what you mean.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Reformed waywards like you, Jellybeans, Entropy3000, sigma1299, Hertoo, etc, have my respect for what you're doing today to help others.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Welcome to the forum. You and your wife have taken a long hard road. I have no doubt that you are both better, stronger people now that you have come this far.

Marriages and survive and flurish after an affair, but it takes both parties working together as you have shown.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:
> 
> Reformed waywards like you, Jellybeans, Entropy3000, sigma1299, Hertoo, etc, have my respect for what you're doing today to help others.


:iagree::iagree:


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## I_Will_Survive (Oct 28, 2011)

WakeUpWS said:


> ... I'm sorry for your pain. You didn't deserve the betrayal. You didn't deserve the disregard. ...


I'm going to watch the video now. Just, before I go, how I wish so much that my wayward husband would feel the way you do....


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

WakeUpWS said:


> I was a WS. I hurt my wife greatly. It's been 9 months since D-day and it's been a long, painful, but rewarding journey.
> 
> My wife is a strong and gracious woman. While this hurt her deeply, she has found the strength and desire to forgive me and reconcile. It's a day to day process but I am testament that hard work, thorough self-examination, and remorse may help repair the damage an affair can cause.
> 
> ...


Thank you for using your pain and your talent in such a positive way. Hugs to you and your wife.


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## Sparkles422 (Jun 3, 2011)

Boy you are an amazing person! To own your responsibility and then to recognize the cause and not blame another! Wow.

I wished my ex-cheater spouse had done the same.

I wish you all of the best, from the bottom of my heart to you and your spouse. I hope the light keeps shining.


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## working_together (Oct 16, 2011)

We're also at 9 months, sounds like you did all the right things to repair the marriage....yeah, it's hard work, but you both seem to be putting the effort into it.

all the best


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## committedwife (Dec 12, 2011)

WakeUpWS said:


> So, to the BSs, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for your pain. You didn't deserve the betrayal. You didn't deserve the disregard. And, if there's any true love left for your WS, please explore it before writing them off. We may have done a horrible thing, but we aren't all necessarily horrible people.
> 
> I will have to live with what I've done the rest of my life. This is my burden.


This is good to read. Thank you for writing this. 

How many hours a week do you spend with your wife - just the two of you, doing things like you did back when you were dating? I have found that is one of the things that my FWH and I are doing differently now that really makes a difference. 

Before his affair, we had started leading separate lives, each of us socializing with friends, or doing things on our own, and not involving the other. Now we are together, just the two of us doing fun things, as often as possible. We try to spend at least 15 hours a week together without distractions. It really helps.


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## Dexter Morgan (Dec 8, 2011)

Sorry for being cynical, but why do I feel this is more about getting hits on youtube?


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