# Just a joke or am I overthinking it?



## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

My husband likes to joke around a lot. What I mean by “joke” is that he likes to playfully tease me about things and be sarcastic a lot. Sometimes I’ll come up with something witty to snap back at him with, but it seems he’s usually the initiator. I’m currently a stay at home mom, and my husband works for a local trucking company. I have 11 month old twins and a 3 year old, and I’m planning to go back to college this Fall. I tell my husband all the time that just because I don’t currently bring home a paycheck, doesn’t mean I don’t have a full time job. I’m a mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. No sick days, no paid vacation, no holidays off. Between taking care of the kids, our dog, doing housework, I have limited free time during the day and I will have even less once I start school. My husband says he gets it but then sometimes he makes these little jokes, which make me wonder if he really does. 

This morning, I woke up with menstrual cramps and I wasn’t feeling well, so I didn’t get out of bed right away this morning. My husband saw that the twins had just woken up, so he went ahead and made them a couple bottles before he left for work, and then brought the bottles to the bedroom so I could feed them. I fed them and then I continued to lay in bed for a little longer because I still wasn’t feeling well. My husband then saw that they needed their diapers changed, so he decided to change them. While in the middle of changing them, he says something to our 3 year old about how “mama doesn’t do anything but lay in bed all day”. I said something to him like “really? Yea, That’s a great thing to have our kid think about me.” And then he just laughed like it was a joke. 

Maybe he was just joking but how does our 3 year old know he was joking? I don’t want our kid thinking that his mom is lazy and just stays in bed all day because I most definitely do not. Every morning I get up and take care of the kids and most of the time, I don’t get any help from him because he’s usually already left for work. I change them, feed them, and also make my three year old breakfast. 

What do you think? Would you be offended if your spouse made these types of jokes or am I being overly sensitive?


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I think your a new mother of twins and being overly sensitive, which is exactly what you should be at this time.
Don't be offended unless he does this ALL the time. " This morning was an exception."


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Yes, you are likely being over-sensitive.

And yes, he is being under-sensitive.

Live life to the fullest. Don't sweat the small stuff.

When you think about it, life is mostly about small and trivial stuff.

That notion should comfort people, ah, but it does not.

Don't create a serious problem when none but trivial actions exist.

Surprised?

Nope, not a wet diapers worth, a smelly blanket needing a washings worth.





[THM]- Lilith


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

september_sky said:


> My husband likes to joke around a lot. What I mean by “joke” is that he likes to playfully tease me about things and be sarcastic a lot. Sometimes I’ll come up with something witty to snap back at him with, but it seems he’s usually the initiator. I’m currently a stay at home mom, and my husband works for a local trucking company. I have 11 month old twins and a 3 year old, and I’m planning to go back to college this Fall. I tell my husband all the time that just because I don’t currently bring home a paycheck, doesn’t mean I don’t have a full time job. I’m a mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. No sick days, no paid vacation, no holidays off. Between taking care of the kids, our dog, doing housework, I have limited free time during the day and I will have even less once I start school. My husband says he gets it but then sometimes he makes these little jokes, which make me wonder if he really does.
> 
> This morning, I woke up with menstrual cramps and I wasn’t feeling well, so I didn’t get out of bed right away this morning. My husband saw that the twins had just woken up, so he went ahead and made them a couple bottles before he left for work, and then brought the bottles to the bedroom so I could feed them. I fed them and then I continued to lay in bed for a little longer because I still wasn’t feeling well. My husband then saw that they needed their diapers changed, so he decided to change them. While in the middle of changing them, he says something to our 3 year old about how “mama doesn’t do anything but lay in bed all day”. I said something to him like “really? Yea, That’s a great thing to have our kid think about me.” And then he just laughed like it was a joke.
> 
> ...


You are most likely being overly sensitive. Your 3-year old KNOWS you don’t lay in bed all day because he is with you every day, all day. Unless of course you are actually plopping him in front of the tv and laying about all day - which I doubt - and in that case this would be defensiveness you are feeling. 

My husband and I have the same type of banter which is usually hilarious, until it isn’t. I had come to realize that 1. Yes, hormones do play a big role in how sensitive I am about things, and it isn’t just some sexist comment to ask if I am getting my period. 2. How I feel about myself outside of our relationship impacts how I take the jokes. You seem to be struggling with your role right now, maybe feeling “not good enough” or under appreciated. You might be projecting your thoughts about yourself onto him and his intentions of the joke. And 3. He might have just really been a jerk. 

Up to you to maybe sit with a bit and see if any of the above rings true for you.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

At least you didn't have the twins in the middle of the semester and have the professor ask you in class when you're due, or announce the birth in class... or try to find a babysitter for a 2 week old baby (ended up with someone from Visiting Nurse Service) to take a midterm...

Good old days. You're a bit sensitive but you should explain to the 3 year old that babies are a lot of work. 

Our girls were around your kids ages thru our grad school. It's now 24 years later and hard as it may be to believe, these were the best years of our lives. 

What helped was that we were both students in our mid 30s and understood the work required. So there were days that we'd come home and sleep at 8pm until someone woke up. 

Memories...

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I think that making a joke on the morning that your wife wakes up with menstrual cramps is a pretty bad idea.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Whether it was a joke or not is irrelevant. You didn't like it. Period. Full stop. Tell him in a calm voice that you don't appreciate those type of comments. They feel back handed and passive aggressive. If he is bothered about something then he should find a time to discuss it directly without hiding behind the "I was just joking' mask.

If he keeps at it, try agree and amplify

https://andrewelsass.com/agreeandamplify/



> First,*agree*with whatever false claim the other person is putting on you.
> 
> The majority of people in this situation are going to go with their first instinct and begin defending themselves. This sub-communicates a fragile ego and that high value is placed in the other person’s opinion.
> 
> ...


–


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

september_sky said:


> My husband likes to joke around a lot. What I mean by “joke” is that he likes to playfully tease me about things and be sarcastic a lot. Sometimes I’ll come up with something witty to snap back at him with, but it seems he’s usually the initiator. I’m currently a stay at home mom, and my husband works for a local trucking company. I have 11 month old twins and a 3 year old, and I’m planning to go back to college this Fall. I tell my husband all the time that just because I don’t currently bring home a paycheck, doesn’t mean I don’t have a full time job. I’m a mom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. No sick days, no paid vacation, no holidays off. Between taking care of the kids, our dog, doing housework, I have limited free time during the day and I will have even less once I start school. My husband says he gets it but then sometimes he makes these little jokes, which make me wonder if he really does.
> 
> This morning, I woke up with menstrual cramps and I wasn’t feeling well, so I didn’t get out of bed right away this morning. My husband saw that the twins had just woken up, so he went ahead and made them a couple bottles before he left for work, and then brought the bottles to the bedroom so I could feed them. I fed them and then I continued to lay in bed for a little longer because I still wasn’t feeling well. My husband then saw that they needed their diapers changed, so he decided to change them. While in the middle of changing them, he says something to our 3 year old about how “mama doesn’t do anything but lay in bed all day”. I said something to him like “really? Yea, That’s a great thing to have our kid think about me.” And then he just laughed like it was a joke.
> 
> ...


Jokes can sometimes be a form of saying something real in a manner that a person can't be called out for. DH's jokes are sarcastic in nature and used to go over into the insult department. I had said to him several times that I did not like them. He persisted. I finally said, who is the target audience for these "jokes" when it is just you and I? I don't find them funny. So if it you, can you keep them to yourself? I was rather beet red with anger at the time, so he got it.

If you ARE sensitive, as if you feel accused of being lazy, just talk to him straight up. Do you think I am a laze about? Face it head on. My opinion.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

There are good times to to joke and bad times to joke. When you are laying in bed exhausted from taking care of baby twins and a 3 year old and to top it off you have menstrual cramps....BAD time to joke.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

NobodySpecial said:


> Jokes can sometimes be a form of saying something real in a manner that a person can't be called out for. DH's jokes are* sarcastic in nature* and used to go over into the insult department. I had said to him several times that I did not like them. He persisted. I finally said, *who is the target audience for these "jokes" when it is just you and I?** I don't find them funny. So if it you, can you keep them to yourself?* I was rather beet red with anger at the time, so he got it.
> 
> If you ARE sensitive, as if you feel accused of being lazy, just talk to him straight up. Do you think I am a laze about? Face it head on. My opinion.


Excellent post. You need to be blunt with your husband about his lousy way of joking.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Tell your 3-year-old his Dad goes off to play all day, loud enough for him to hear. Nah, you probably shouldn't do that but ... I probably would if I was you.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

You're doing just fine. He was under-sensitive and you were a wee bit over sensitive. 

But all normal. 

My wife's answer would be "come here, I want to punch you" followed by "don't make me get up".

Silly me, I'd go over to her and let her punch me.

But, if I knew she was cramping, or that time of the month (yes I kept track) I would never have been sarcastic. Unless I accidentally opened mouth insert with a joke that just popped out. 

Which has happened. Hence the punching knowledge. Repetitively. Durn, I must be slow on the uptake. 😍😍

OP, you're fine. Congratulations on the twins.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Couple things, first of all your three year old isnt going to ever remember some one off joke or a comment their dad made once upon a time changing diapers. This isn't going to have any impact at all on their life. So the idea that he's poisoning your child's mind against you is a huge overreaction. 

2) you're having menstrual cramps. I don't care if ladies get offended by this comment, but yeah, about 2-3 days out of the month the ladies have almost no ability to take a joke at their expense. Sorry, but its true. 

3) your husband is a moron for losing track of what was going on with you. The cardinal rule was broken. I suspect you two are young, or he's just an idiot who made an error. To be fair to the ladies, at least we men have something to go on. Women on the other hand have no calender to go by for when us dudes will be having our own "time of the month" and to be even more fair, we aren't experiencing any chemical releases and such that causes it. Some days we are just c***s and our saint wives have to deal with it at random. 

4) when things wind down for you after a day or 3, you will be back to normal kicking ass and this will be water under the bridge. Sorry your husband was a buffoon. It happens. I'm not going to say weather or not you should curb stomp him for his idiocy. Do what you must do. Your feelings are valid, but I'll remind you they can be fluid. I bet sometimes that same sense of humor he has is also incredibly endearing at times and part of the reason you fell for him in the first place.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Did you tell your husband that you had menstrual cramps?
Or was he supposed to realize that because you didn’t get out of bed immediately the alarm went off, that you weren’t just grabbing an extra few minutes between the sheets but were actually feeling unwell.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> But, if I knew she was cramping, or that time of the month (yes I kept track) I would never have been sarcastic. Unless I accidentally opened mouth insert with a joke that just popped out.
> 
> Which has happened. Hence the punching knowledge. Repetitively. Durn, I must be slow on the uptake.


Only a complete moron doesn't keep track at all. Unfortunately we men are all morons on some levels and we still slip up. You women ever wonder why a man is obsessed with comfort over style regarding our lazy boy or the couch? 

"I want this one!"

"But honey, it doesn't match anything in our living room."

"I dont care, I want this one!"

We know we might be sleeping on it now and again over the next few decades. :grin2:


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Couple things, first of all your three year old isnt going to ever remember some one off joke or a comment their dad made once upon a time changing diapers. This isn't going to have any impact at all on their life. So the idea that he's poisoning your child's mind against you is a huge overreaction.
> 
> 2) you're having menstrual cramps. I don't care if ladies get offended by this comment, but yeah, about 2-3 days out of the month the ladies have almost no ability to take a joke at their expense. Sorry, but its true.
> 
> ...


Are you her husband? You seem about as sensitive as he is 😉


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> Are you her husband? You seem about as sensitive as he is 😉


You women exaggerate the pain of everything anyway,I had a woman try to convince once me that childbirth was the most painful thing anyone could have. 
“You’ve never had a kick in the balls” was my answer.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

I agree with what others here have said. This may be a case of you being overly sensitive (very understandable when the hormones are flowing and you're in pain and exhausted) and your husband being under sensitive. I also agree that unless he says these things to your toddler on a regular basis, it's not going to affect him...your child knows who takes care of him/her all day. I can see a guy making this joke and thinking nothing of it. I'd especially think it's not a big deal if he takes an active role in caring for his children when he's home.

Now, if he is constantly acting like the work you do all day is nothing, than that's a different story and you'll need to sit down and talk with him about it...but may I suggest you wait until your period is over. No sense in getting into it when your hormones are still in play.

I commend you for caring for twin babies and a toddler all day. I am in awe of you.


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

Thanks for your replies. 

Yes, my husband was aware that I was having period cramps. I agree that I’m probably overreacting a bit, most likely because I’m hormonal right now. I just know how impressionable little kids are. They will believe whatever you tell them, so I just started getting paranoid that he was going to make our son have negative feelings towards me. But he has never made comments like this about me to our son before, so as someone has already mentioned, our son will likely never remember it or give it another thought. 

I just felt it was an inappropriate time. He knew I wasn’t feeling well, he knew I was on my period. There are times when he will pick at me and I’ll do it right back to him, and it can be amusing. And yes, it’s probably part of what attracted us to each other in the first place. But there are times like these, where I feel that it’s just not the right time. There have been other instances where Ive felt that he joked around with me at the wrong time. We are somewhat young, I guess. I’m 28 and he’s 38, and we’ve been married for 8 years. He has been diagnosed with ADHD, and I think that maybe that has something to do with him being inappropriate at times. I could be wrong but I feel like sometimes he just impulsively says things without thinking about how it’s going to come across. 

I think I will just calmly bring it up to him and explain that I didn’t feel it was the right time this morning and that Id like for him to try to be more mindful of what he says, especially at times like this when he knows I’m hormonal and in pain.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

september_sky said:


> Thanks for your replies.
> 
> He has been diagnosed with ADHD, and I think that maybe that has something to do with him being inappropriate at times. I could be wrong but I feel like sometimes he just impulsively says things without thinking about how it’s going to come across.
> 
> I think I will just calmly bring it up to him and explain that I didn’t feel it was the right time this morning and that Id like for him to try to be more mindful of what he says, especially at times like this when he knows I’m hormonal and in pain.


I don't know a ton about ADHD but I do know that people with it often times have trouble reading social cues...ie. my wife has bad cramps and is exhausted and hormonal so now is not the time to make a joke at her expense. It's like they can't read the room so to speak. He sounds like a decent guy...he wanted to help you and made a bad joke at a bad time. Talk to him calmly and then let it go. You should realize that due to his condition it may happen again but you need to try not to take it personally. If he's an otherwise great husband that shouldn't be too hard to do.

Good luck!!! (and I hope your cramps go away soon...Motrin is your friend!!!)


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

Andy- I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not but if you really want a more accurate idea of what labor and childbirth feel like, imagine being kicked in the nuts not just once, but kicked in the nuts repeatedly for hours and hours on end. I was in labor for 30 hours with my first, and for 14 hours with the twins.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

september_sky said:


> Andy- I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not but if you really want a more accurate idea of what labor and childbirth feel like, imagine being kicked in the nuts not just once, but kicked in the nuts repeatedly for hours and hours on end. I was in labor for 30 hours with my first, and for 14 hours with the twins.


You obviously do not have nuts!


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I think you're reading too much into it hon. You have cramps (they suck, ugh), felt like crap, hormonal and then add twin babies AND a 3 year old on top and wow...yah. 

Your husband was being silly (talk about taking his life in his hands...doing it while you've got your period lol), your 3 year old won't remember, but if he does you sit him down and explain in no uncertain terms that he is never to say anything like that again. And then you get daddy to remind him of that again later.

Hope you're feeling a little better now mama, if you can swing it, when the babies go down for their nap, grab your 3 year old and go back to bed for a rest and snuggle xx


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> You women exaggerate the pain of everything anyway,I had a woman try to convince once me that childbirth was the most painful thing anyone could have.
> “You’ve never had a kick in the balls” was my answer.


This made me laugh. (Not in a sarcastic way, but it was genuinely funny.)

So every couple of years, for a span of years, do you schedule a good kick in the crotch? Most women have several children, and do it on purpose, knowing that she is going to feel uncomfortable and go without sleep for months, then have to painfully deliver the baby.

I can imagine being kicked in the crotch is very painful, but it doesn't last for months, and then 10 hours of intense pain. (I know arguing who feels more pain is useless, but I had to give it a try. >)


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

september_sky said:


> Andy- I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not but if you really want a more accurate idea of what labor and childbirth feel like, imagine being kicked in the nuts not just once, but kicked in the nuts repeatedly for hours and hours on end. I was in labor for 30 hours with my first, and for 14 hours with the twins.


I was being facetious rather than sarcastic. But explain this. 
No man has ever said a couple of years after getting a kick in the balls that maybe another kick in the balls would be nice. 
Yet women decide to have another child all the time?


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > You women exaggerate the pain of everything anyway,I had a woman try to convince once me that childbirth was the most painful thing anyone could have.
> ...


Womenz know the pain and yet still pop out babies every second around the world. I'm absolutely sure (except in very rare curious situations) that no man asks to be kicked in the gonads.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Andy1001 said:


> Did you tell your husband that you had menstrual cramps?
> Or was he supposed to realize that because you didn’t get out of bed immediately the alarm went off, that you weren’t just grabbing an extra few minutes between the sheets but were actually feeling unwell.


Doesn't matter. He lost track of the days. Moot point and a rookie mistake. You are a newlywed though. Can't fault you for not knowing the ways of the force young padawan.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Andy1001 said:


> I was being facetious rather than sarcastic. But explain this.
> No man has ever said a couple of years after getting a kick in the balls that maybe another kick in the balls would be nice.
> Yet women decide to have another child all the time?





UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Womenz know the pain and yet still pop out babies every second around the world. I'm absolutely sure (except in very rare curious situations) that no man asks to be kicked in the gonads.


Those love hormones (for the baby) make us forget about the pain. That's what I keep telling myself, because who in her right mind would do it over and over again?? (I did it 4 times, the last two with no pain meds.)


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Araucaria said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > I was being facetious rather than sarcastic. But explain this.
> ...


Wow, a real woman!


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## bobsmith (Oct 15, 2012)

even though I am guilty of having entirely too much fun with kids, it is probably worth bringing up that KIDS ARE SPONGES!!! You saying ANYTHING within earshot and it can be absorbed. Talking on the phone, you name it. 

Usually if I joked with a little one like that, I would probably reinforce it with "you know daddy is just kidding and mommy works very hard......at least for a few minutes a day..........".....LMAO....OK, I could not resist that.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

personofinterest said:


> Are you her husband? You seem about as sensitive as he is 😉


I'm sorry POI, but have I ever come across as a particularly sensitive man to you? I tread lightly with my words for very few people. I see the same thing from you often I might add. Call 'em like you see 'em. You from a woman's perspective, me from a man's. You take exception to this?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

september_sky said:


> I could be wrong but I feel like sometimes he just impulsively says things without thinking about how it’s going to come across.
> 
> I think I will just calmly bring it up to him and explain that I didn’t feel it was the right time this morning and that Id like for him to try to be more mindful of what he says, especially at times like this when he knows I’m hormonal and in pain.


Yes, men are idiots. Any woman here disagree? Any man here disagree? 

Now that this fact of life is settled, painfully remind him to try his best to keep his idiotic behaviour in check when you need him to do so. You are certainly entitled to this. The laws of nature demand it really. Slap him upside his dumb head and move on. As You said, that same ribbing you two give each other is part of the attraction. If you squash it out of him completely, you will be left with a shell of a man, a piece of him will die, that which is part of the man you fell in love with in the first place.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> You women exaggerate the pain of everything anyway,I had a woman try to convince once me that childbirth was the most painful thing anyone could have.
> “You’ve never had a kick in the balls” was my answer.


I've had 3 children, one of whom was 10lbs and not a c section. :surprise: By far the worst pain I've ever felt was from a severely herniated disc in my back. The nerve damage was so bad my right leg was paralyzed for months. I've had 2 surgeries since then and the doctors both were amazed at my pain tolerance. Nothing, and I mean, nothing will ever compare to that. But childbirth still hurts like a mother and unlike that kick to the balls, it lasts for hours upon hours sometimes. The truth is since you can't give birth and we can't get kicked in the balls we may never know which is worse LOL

But, just for giggles watch this:


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Wow, a real woman!


 Well, any woman with XX chromosomes is a real woman....but thanks for the compliment.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> Andy1001 said:
> 
> 
> > You women exaggerate the pain of everything anyway,I had a woman try to convince once me that childbirth was the most painful thing anyone could have.
> ...


Its the price paid for eating the forbidden fruit.


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

notmyjamie said:


> I've had 3 children, one of whom was 10lbs and not a c section. :surprise: By far the worst pain I've ever felt was from a severely herniated disc in my back. The nerve damage was so bad my right leg was paralyzed for months. I've had 2 surgeries since then and the doctors both were amazed at my pain tolerance. Nothing, and I mean, nothing will ever compare to that. But childbirth still hurts like a mother and unlike that kick to the balls, it lasts for hours upon hours sometimes. The truth is since you can't give birth and we can't get kicked in the balls we may never know which is worse LOL
> 
> But, just for giggles watch this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlU2lmzzpxQ


It looked like they were definitley feeling what we (women) feel. So they don't think we exaggerate anymore?

Had they taken it a bit more seriously beforehand and learned breathing techniques and disassociating/concentrating on a dot on the wall/ceiling, they would have felt less helpless and out of control during the contractions.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Yes, men are idiots. Any woman here disagree? Any man here disagree?
> 
> Now that this fact of life is settled, painfully remind him to try his best to keep his idiotic behaviour in check when you need him to do so. You are certainly entitled to this. The laws of nature demand it really. Slap him upside his dumb head and move on. As You said, that same ribbing you two give each other is part of the attraction. If you squash it out of him completely, you will be left with a shell of a man, a piece of him will die, that which is part of the man you fell in love with in the first place.


This is a real risk. But it seems to me that this is an area where there is room to compromise around the edges. One can not make jokes core to feelings of inadequacy and failure while still being the sarcastic and edgy person he is.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Yep to all.

On the flip side, sometimes circumstances arise where it's mostly impossible for me not to crack a joke, at anytime. 

I can judge between different eye rolls how funny, from the laugh to extreme roll.

I have a pretty good average.

The thing to remember is sometimes discretion is the better part of valor.

🙄🙄


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

NobodySpecial said:


> This is a real risk. But it seems to me that this is an area where there is room to compromise around the edges. One can not make jokes core to feelings of inadequacy and failure while still being the sarcastic and edgy person he is.


Based on what she said about their back and forth jokes, I think on a normal day that exact comment makes her smile. Then she throws in a quick jab about some item that has been on his honey-do list for 2 months that he still hasn't gotten around to yet. Which would make him smile and they share a laugh. 

But I agree with you. There's certainly an area you shouldn't go to. You can retain that fun loving and playful back and forth without hurting one another. He was a dope for making that joke at that time. I doubt there was bad intent on his part, just incredibly poor timing. His intent doesn't matter though, her reception of the joke does of course. A careless mistake on his part. One I've made myself a few times.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Based on what she said about their back and forth jokes, I think on a normal day that exact comment makes her smile. Then she throws in a quick jab about some item that has been on his honey-do list for 2 months that he still hasn't gotten around to yet. Which would make him smile and they share a laugh.
> 
> But I agree with you. There's certainly an area you shouldn't go to. You can retain that fun loving and playful back and forth without hurting one another. He was a dope for making that joke at that time. I doubt there was bad intent on his part, just incredibly poor timing. His intent doesn't matter though, her reception of the joke does of course. A careless mistake on his part. One I've made myself a few times.


Haven't we all? :smile2: I got the same impression from OP's description of their banter. Sounds like a fun, loving marriage. And there are many Dads that would not have helped at all, just left for work so obviously he cared about how she was feeling. Honestly, reading her description made me a bit envious. I miss that banter and fun in my life.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

notmyjamie said:


> Haven't we all? :smile2: I got the same impression from OP's description of their banter. Sounds like a fun, loving marriage. And there are many Dads that would not have helped at all, just left for work so obviously he cared about how she was feeling. Honestly, reading her description made me a bit envious. I miss that banter and fun in my life.


When my daughter was a baby some of my wife’s friends were asking her about being woken during the night by the baby. My wife explained that Andy(me) would always be awake and would bring the baby to her if she needed to be fed.I would also change her diaper if necessary. 
The general consensus was that I be immediately nominated for man of the year. 
I write this just to say I’m not a Neanderthal and have great sympathy for women and their plumbing problems.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Andy1001 said:


> When my daughter was a baby some of my wife’s friends were asking her about being woken during the night by the baby. My wife explained that Andy(me) would always be awake and would bring the baby to her if she needed to be fed.I would also change her diaper if necessary.
> The general consensus was that I be immediately nominated for man of the year.
> I write this just to say I’m not a Neanderthal and have great sympathy for women and their plumbing problems.


And that's the risk of posting to forums like this. In your head, I'm sure your comment sounded funny but some did not take it that way. It's hard to glean intent in the written word sometimes. I took your comment as tongue in cheek. I've never been kicked in the balls but I've seen it happen to a guy. It wasn't pretty at all. I felt horrible for him. But he was over it a lot faster than my 16 hour labor and birth of a 10lb baby was so I'd say I win in the who suffered more department. :laugh: But I still found your comment funny. (kudos for sharing the nighttime duties with your wife. My STBX always offered and I very stupidly didn't take him up on it)

I think as one spends more time on a forum they get to know regular posters. I'm pretty in tune with @TheDudeLebowski 's sense of humor after just a month of posting here. It helps that it matches my sense of humor very well. I see others take what he says very seriously though. Again, it's a risk of posting. 

At any rate, hopefully @september_sky is feeling much better today, both physically and emotionally. Sometimes all you need is a good night's sleep and a new day.


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## Magnesium (Jun 19, 2017)

I wouldn't waste time having "a talk" with the husband about this. It's really not a big deal.

For the rest of the week, every day when your husband leaves for work say to your 3 year old "Tell Daddy goodbye. He is going to play golf again." 

Next week, you can teach your 3 year old about jokes.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> I'm sorry POI, but have I ever come across as a particularly sensitive man to you? I tread lightly with my words for very few people. I see the same thing from you often I might add. Call 'em like you see 'em. You from a woman's perspective, me from a man's. You take exception to this?


WHAAAAATTT? I am the MOST touchy feely, you're okay, I'm okay, let's all just hold hands poster on this site!! I am shocked I tell you - shocked!!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Boy, I remember our two sons births.

Poor W was in labor for 15hrs plus.

Had to induce labor because she was overdue, and boys were both 15lbs and change.

My initial thought was hey, great, we can schedule the labor. 

Kind of happened. Took a long time once at the hospital. 

I went through Lamaz classes, all the prep well baby etc classes with W, saw more pregnant women at once than ever before. Wow.

At the hospital in the morning, then later things were happening slowly but surely, she's wavering between wanting support and for me to be quiet. It's a no win endurance trial for me.

Then she says just go eat lunch, come back later. (She had a gf there too).

So I did about noon, so my neighbor and I eat, he breaks out a bottle for celebrating, and short story I get back about 4:00pm, feeling good, about to be a father, etc, and low and behold I'm informed as where have I been?

I said I did what you said, she said it wasn't what she meant. Again, an endurance match for me.

So, baby comes at midnight, healthy baby boy. A true blessing. Big ol' boy, so big he broke a collar bone coming out. DW isn't that big.

So, next late morning she says go eat, take a break.

So I go. Same neighbor, and we get to starting celebrating the birth of my first son and heir. So we're drinking a bit, toasting this and that.

So, back to the hospital, same speech. But, she's feeling better, not bad.

But our apartment is already up for baby, all the trimmings and stuff, all good. 

So, DW gets out next day, I'm home for a day, then back to work.

We're blessed at this time, DW doesn't have to work, plan is to watch baby(s) for first few years.

And her mom flies in for a week or so, all good. 

Because next day I have to go to Cali for two weeks on a work thing. I didn't mind, her mom was there, and we had a pretty good support system.

PS all the celebrating I did was with my neighbor, a good friend who DW detested, but she knew he was a friend. Although to her credit he was kind of irresponsible, but I knew that, ok.

PS this was also the first time I'd met her mom. A nice lady.
I met her for about 30 minutes then I was off to the airport. 

She was gone when I got back, but she was nice.

🙄 sorry for the side track. But, this kind if goes with beware of doing what wife says to do, under varying circumstances. 

😁😁😁


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

While this instance was him being silly at the wrong time, just try and keep an eye on the whole "joking" thing. My second husband and I used to tease back and forth early on in our relationship, but over time, his "jokes" were not really jokes any more but him taking shots at me and trying to pass it off as a joke and me being "too sensitive." The way it ended up over the years was him being critical, nit picky, insulting, and hateful. And of course I was always just overly sensitive.  Looking back, there must have been more to it even in the beginning because I can remember my uncle coming to me about the manner in which my then H "joked" around with me. I thought he was being over protective... turns out I should have listened.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Boy, I remember our two sons births.
> 
> Poor W was in labor for 15hrs plus.
> 
> ...


OMG! I am laughing so hard I want to die. Your wife suggested you get lunch in the middle of child birth and you go hang out for FOUR HOURS??? God bless her. 
[/quote]

I said I did what you said, she said it wasn't what she meant. Again, an endurance match for me.

So, baby comes at midnight, healthy baby boy. A true blessing. Big ol' boy, so big he broke a collar bone coming out. DW isn't that big.

So, next late morning she says go eat, take a break.

So I go. Same neighbor, and we get to starting celebrating the birth of my first son and heir. So we're drinking a bit, toasting this and that.

So, back to the hospital, same speech. But, she's feeling better, not bad.

But our apartment is already up for baby, all the trimmings and stuff, all good. 

So, DW gets out next day, I'm home for a day, then back to work.

We're blessed at this time, DW doesn't have to work, plan is to watch baby(s) for first few years.

And her mom flies in for a week or so, all good. 

Because next day I have to go to Cali for two weeks on a work thing. I didn't mind, her mom was there, and we had a pretty good support system.

PS all the celebrating I did was with my neighbor, a good friend who DW detested, but she knew he was a friend. Although to her credit he was kind of irresponsible, but I knew that, ok.

PS this was also the first time I'd met her mom. A nice lady.
I met her for about 30 minutes then I was off to the airport. 

She was gone when I got back, but she was nice.

🙄 sorry for the side track. But, this kind if goes with beware of doing what wife says to do, under varying circumstances. 

😁😁😁[/QUOTE]

Unreal. Dudes are so stupid they need such specific directions.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Then she says just go eat lunch, come back later. (She had a gf there too).
> 
> So I did about noon, so my neighbor and I eat, he breaks out a bottle for celebrating, and short story I get back about 4:00pm, feeling good, about to be a father, etc, and low and behold I'm informed as where have I been?
> 
> ...



Um...4 hours??? And then you did it again the next day???? LOL You were a little slow on the uptake there my friend. 

In the same vein as not taking a woman at her word, never believe it when she says she's "fine" and never, ever, take her at face value when she says "fine, go ahead" :laugh:


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

notmyjamie said:


> Um...4 hours??? And then you did it again the next day???? LOL You were a little slow on the uptake there my friend.
> 
> In the same vein as not taking a woman at her word, never believe it when she says she's "fine" and never, ever, take her at face value when she say's "fine, go ahead" :laugh:


The most dangerous two words ever spoken by a woman. 
“Enjoy yourself”
The two most worrying words women say. 
“Notice anything different”


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

notmyjamie said:


> Um...4 hours??? And then you did it again the next day???? LOL You were a little slow on the uptake there my friend.
> 
> In the same vein as not taking a woman at her word, never believe it when she says she's "fine" and never, ever, take her at face value when she say's "fine, go ahead" :laugh:


Ha! 

Man, that was when I was a 23yo young man! 

Just a kid, looking back. 

It's a wonder I survived it all without DW killing me in my sleep. 😍😍😍

I could tell some first five year stories, but I won't bore everyone. 😎😎😎

We had our second son within two years so they would be close in age. 

I was in the delivery room both times, and have the pics to prove it.

But it took me a long time to get certain images to fade quietly into the background. 😏😏

I said that if we did again, barring complications and absolute direction from DW, I might stay in the waiting room.


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Ha!
> 
> Man, that was when I was a 23yo young man!
> 
> ...



Your wife sounds like a good woman. Glad to hear you finally learned your lesson. And I've kept many a man from falling to the floor as his wife delivers. Could be why my back is so messed up...it's not easy to catch a full grown man who has passed out. :laugh:


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

OP

was there ever a time when your husband woke up n the morning, wasn't feeling well, ill whatever......but drug his behind out of bed and went to work anyway? you have the luxury of not being fired or having to deal with a boss that doesn't wont to hear "you don't feel well today" and are going to stay in bed for a few hours.

yes, I think you are being over sensitive. or maybe that's the difference in the worlds you live in.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

september_sky said:


> While in the middle of changing them, he says something to our 3 year old about how “mama doesn’t do anything but lay in bed all day”.


I read this as a tease/sarcasm... especially as he laughed afterwards. He knows you do a lot. 

Granted, his timing may have been off, given you felt like crap.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

x598 said:


> OP
> 
> was there ever a time when your husband woke up n the morning, wasn't feeling well, ill whatever......but drug his behind out of bed and went to work anyway? you have the luxury of not being fired or having to deal with a boss that doesn't wont to hear "you don't feel well today" and are going to stay in bed for a few hours.
> 
> yes, I think you are being over sensitive. or maybe that's the difference in the worlds you live in.


In contrast, we don't have kids and I dragged myself to work recently, didn't last long, face-palmed myself as I should have just stayed home! Boss agreed, offered to call me a taxi. Once home, I crawled back into bed... there can be a luxury in having sick leave.


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## [email protected] (Dec 23, 2017)

September_Sky, I have been diagnosed with ADHD and don't make comments like your H has. Clearly, he's making these quips at your expense. I see trouble on the horizon.


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