# how to catch my husband cheating?



## beccamoo123 (Jan 29, 2016)

I have recently learned that my husband and friend had a "previous" sexual relationship that I was unaware of. I have asked both of them and they have completely different accounts of when they stopped and how many times they had sex. My friend has always had a lot of access to my husband, they spend a lot of time together. I also learned that my husband is a manwh0re, which I could tell after the first time I slept with him that he was an expert in bed. He told me the other day he slept with 54 women. Anyhow, I think my friend and him are still having sex and it was suggested to me to post it in this forum since people have had similar experiences, and they had good ideas on how to catch him cheating.


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I would start with this:

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

#waves at alte. Beat me to it.


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## beccamoo123 (Jan 29, 2016)

Lostme said:


> Why is the female still hanging out with your husband? Does he hang out with other women he has slept with?


Shes my best friend, I gave her a key to our apartment because she has a lot of with her roommate, they hate each other. So I told her she could use our place anytime she wanted to get away, so shes here a lot. I was unware that they had sex before, I had no idea. Shes the one that set me up with my husband, her boyfriend and him play on the same baseball team. So it never even crossed my mind that they had ever had sex before, as I have gathered it was not just once. It was anywhere between 10 and 30 times, she said 10 before I met him, he said 20-30 and the last time was 2 months after I met him.


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## Kilgoretrout (Feb 2, 2016)

beccamoo123 said:


> Shes my best friend, I gave her a key to our apartment because she has a lot of with her roommate, they hate each other. So I told her she could use our place anytime she wanted to get away, so shes here a lot. I was unware that they had sex before, I had no idea. Shes the one that set me up with my husband, her boyfriend and him play on the same baseball team. So it never even crossed my mind that they had ever had sex before, as I have gathered it was not just once. It was anywhere between 10 and 30 times, she said 10 before I met him, he said 20-30 and the last time was 2 months after I met him.


Maybe he can be trusted even if she can't. Talk to him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

alte Dame said:


> I would start with this:
> 
> http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/209754-standard-evidence-post.html


I agree that the above link will give you tons of info on how to find out what is going on.

What I want to add it that you DO NOT say a word to either of them until you have all the info you need to prove that there is an affair still going on.

Then you need a plan for confronting them, exposing the affair, and for whether or not you want to try to reconcile or just divorce. When it’s time to develop that plan, we here on TAM can help you brain storm it.


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## beccamoo123 (Jan 29, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> I agree that the above link will give you tons of info on how to find out what is going on.
> 
> What I want to add it that you DO NOT say a word to either of them until you have all the info you need to prove that there is an affair still going on.
> 
> Then you need a plan for confronting them, exposing the affair, and for whether or not you want to try to reconcile or just divorce. When it’s time to develop that plan, we here on TAM can help you brain storm it.


that has tons of good advice that I would have never thought about, thank you so much. I'm glad I came on here, I was reluctant too.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Kilgoretrout said:


> Maybe he can be trusted even if she can't. Talk to him.


She has already talked to both of them. Neither of them can be trusted. They are having an affair. Cheaters lie. She needs solid evidence of what is going on before talking about this with him again. That way when he lies, she will know beyond a doubt that he is lying.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

beccamoo123 said:


> that has tons of good advice that I would have never thought about, thank you so much. I'm glad I came on here, I was reluctant too.


Some people are reluctant to snoop. Don't be. You have every right in the world to protect yourself. At this point you cannot trust your husband. So snooping is the only way you have to find the truth.

When I figured out that my husband was cheating, I snooped.. a lot. I have tons of detailed evidence. 

When I confronted him, he lied. First he denied it. Then I showed him just a very small bit of the evidence I had. So he admitted to the evidence that I had, said it was a horrible mistake but that is all that here was. Since I had so much info, I knew he was lying. So instead of divulging everything I knew, I called his OW who I had already spoken too. He had told her that he was single (I know this for a fact as I had his email with her.) So while he was standing there denying that he knew her, I called her and handed him the phone. He turned white. And she ripped him a new one.

She was not the only woman he was cheating with. This kind of cat and mouse game continued for a few weeks. He never admitted anything that I did not already have hard evidence to.

This is how it usually is.. cheaters lie to cover the extent of their affair(s).

This is why I say you need to know the truth before you confront him. Otherwise he will bamboozle his way into making you think you are nuts and he's not lying.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Hopefully all you'll hear is how great they think you are. 

But, if you hear stuff you really do not want to hear, please keep your cool and remember we are here to help you get through it in one piece.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

V.A.R.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReformedHubby (Jan 9, 2013)

I don't know if he is cheating or not. Its certainly your right to investigate, but if all you have is that she says 10 times and he says 20, I don't really see that as a smoking gun. I can't speak for all men, but once you've slept with someone more than two or three times. I don't think we really count to be honest with you. I think he just gave you his best guess.


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## beccamoo123 (Jan 29, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> Hopefully all you'll hear is how great they think you are.
> 
> But, if you hear stuff you really do not want to hear, please keep your cool and remember we are here to help you get through it in one piece.


I'm going to best buy tomm, gonna get a VAR, yes I don't really want to hear them, but if that's the proof I need to get the truth, then I think I can handle it. It will be sad for me if that happens


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## Kivlor (Oct 27, 2015)

beccamoo123 said:


> I'm going to best buy tomm, gonna get a VAR, yes I don't really want to hear them, but if that's the proof I need to get the truth, then I think I can handle it. It will be sad for me if that happens


The best place to start is phone records. Are they contacting each other? How often?

It's possible your H was honest and the friend wasn't. It's possible they're both lying.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Nothing much to be said. Buy the VAR hide it where you think they will chat then discreetly drop the line that you will talk to your friend about this. Then leave and go out for about an hour. 

I bet the VAR catches all sorts of wonderful conversations from them both


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## Lilac23 (Jul 9, 2015)

Talk About Marriage - View Profile: GusPolinski Is that how you tag someone? Isn't he the expert with phones?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

ReformedHubby said:


> I don't know if he is cheating or not. Its certainly your right to investigate, but if all you have is that she says 10 times and he says 20, I don't really see that as a smoking gun. I can't speak for all men, but once you've slept with someone more than two or three times. I don't think we really count to be honest with you. I think he just gave you his best guess.


You missed quite a few details if that is your take away.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdawg2015 (Feb 12, 2015)

Elegirl is spot on. Keep your MOUTH SHUT about it. It may take a bit of time but you need hard evidence and if he IS cheating he will LIE LIE LIE. Fight the demon to confront too soon as you only get one time to confront. When emotions are getting you it's easy to run into the room and drop the bomb and confront. I confronted too soon as have many others on TAM.

You need to snoop. Get access to his phone. Watch him when he types in the passcode if you don't have it. Even better if he thinks you don't have access to he won't be as diligent to delete. Then get Dr Fone wondershare. When you get the phone you will plug it in and do a backup on iTunes if it's an iphone. Depending on how much stuff is on his phone such as pictures it will take about 5-10 minutes. You can practice on your own phone as it's pretty simple and you can look at it later once you have the file.

In my case I simply waited for the right time when she was sleeping and the phone was in an area I could grab it, hooked it up and pressed backup. I had kept my laptop on each night so I when I got the phone I could do it as quickly as possible. All her old photos, text messages, websites visited. call history and numbers, etc. There was some loss of whatsapp text but I already had more than enough. I even lucked out as she had listed a password in the iphone notes so it was a jackpot as I could then read her email. best move I ever did as I had the truth even when it hurt.

In my case my ex fiancé was not cheating, but she was have lots of text conversations with other men that were far beyond appropriate even after we had agreed on certain people being an issue. She also hid the fact that one of her male friends she had met via online dating site yet swore they never shagged once I confronted her. The fact that her friends did not even know how he and her met was a bit of clue  Just lost any trust in her on top of her revealing her past affair as well as having slept with a married guy. Too much history for me.... Without snooping I could not have know the amount of things she hid and lied about.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

Lilac23 said:


> Talk About Marriage - View Profile: GusPolinski Is that how you tag someone? Isn't he the expert with phones?


No, that's not it. I think it's like this @GusPolinski


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

CynthiaDe said:


> No, that's not it. I think it's like this @GusPolinski


Yep!

OP, what kind of phone are we talking about here?

Which carrier (i.e. Verizon, etc)?

Do you have access to the account via the carrier's online portal in order to view call and text records online?

If you suspect that they're meeting up in your place, a VAR may serve you well. Just be sure to configure it properly, use lithium batteries, and _be mindful of the placement._


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## CoolHandLuke (Feb 3, 2016)

Tell your husband that your best friend confided in you that she has contracted herpes and is HIV+ and gauge his reaction.


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## thomasgate44 (May 31, 2016)

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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

CoolHandLuke said:


> Tell your husband that your best friend confided in you that she has contracted herpes and is HIV+ and gauge his reaction.



No no no no every one knows you don't go full________you will never win an Oscar, you go for crab lice and see if they start itching


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You also ought to look into one of those baby monitor cameras that look like a teddy bear or something, and place it in your bedroom and have it remotely connect to your phone.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

Ok Becca, how about a little info and clarification:

a. how long did you date and how long have you been married? 

b. you said these two former lovebirds slept together two months after ya'll started dating. Had it become an known and accepted exclusive relationship or were you two simply "hanging out" the first couple of months?

c. beyond their previous 10-20 time of diddling, what gives you reason to believe they are still going at it?


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Almost zombie status thread bumpped up by a spammer.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

IIRC, she found out that her husband and her friend were still banging. (This was all in another thread.)

He said he'd stop, she said she believed him, and she stopped responding once pretty much everyone called bullsh*t.

And that's if you even bought it all.


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