# I'm hoping to reconcile with my ex, but is she depressed? How will that effect us?



## jeffsmith77 (Mar 19, 2011)

My ex and I were together for 7 years and were engaged to marry this next summer. But for the last few months of our relationship, she doubted her feelings for me. We went to counseling, and made great progress. Everyone saw how happy she was, and she decided that we didn't need counseling any more.

Shortly after, she graduated college and started looking for work as a nurse (RN). Being financially independent was her #1 goal. But months went by, and she couldn't find work. She became very angry, and never seemed to want to go out of the house. During the last couple of weeks she was completely closed off, physically and emotionally. Then, just over two months ago, she left. She said that she hasn't felt the same about me in months, and she only sees me as a friend. I got the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" line.

Now she's back living with her parents. She's miserable there, and she doesn't want to live in that town, and says she hates her situation and it's her own fault. She also told me that she wishes things were different between us. She says she doesn't want to meet anyone new, she's fine with the friends she has, and she doesn't want to date right now. She's working 3 part-time jobs, doing very entry level nursing work. I can imagine it's not the work she was hoping for. She's also running and exercising almost every day. It seems every minute of her day is spent doing something.

I hear that she's out at the bars with her girlfriends, flirting with new men. Our friends say all she talks about is herself, which is not like her. This last weekend, she tried to add me as a friend on Facebook, and she tried to see me for lunch. I declined both offers. Is she just starving for attention?

I think she's showing signs of situational depression, but I just don't know. If she is, then I wonder if she is having trouble feeling anything for me because of it. This is something I've never experienced before, so any input or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you all.


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## VLR (May 15, 2011)

Good call declining the FB, etc. I recommend you show her she can move on without you or move forward with you. She has to decide what she wants and you will unfortunately need to adjust to the idea of a future without her. If she tries to come back to you, you will need to figure out what sort of understanding you both have about how the relationship will be.


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