# Couldn't get over it



## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

First time my W and I had sex. I was rather inexperienced at it, was not a virgin, but had only had it a few times. My first sexual experience was when I was drunk and a much older woman propositioned me. It was totally unsuccessful, I don't know whether more from the alcohol or more from not being very attracted to her.

I then had a GF and she was not really in to it, or maybe not really in to me. She would put it off and put it off and try to avoid it except when she got drunk, then she wanted it. It hurt my feelings, I felt rejected that she had to be drunk to want to do it with me. We broke up.

Then, first time for my W and I, she seemed very disappointed. I asked her the next day, and she told me the story of how her first husband had a much larger penis than me and was experienced in bed, knowing how to do lots of "positions" and could "keep" his erection for an hour or more.

From that moment, I tried everything I knew how to feel good about sex, but my desire just went into the cellar. I couldn't even get an erection for several months, the "mind movies" would play every time we tried and I'd go limp.

Just wondered if anyone had similar experience and if they recovered.


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

Well for your mental sake try not focus on what you dont have or control. Also if if i am reading this right, you and your W had sex than got married? If that is the case it couldnt be all that bad for her or she probably wouldnt have agreed to spend the rest of her life having sex with you in marriage. 

As for what your wife said to you, yes it probably seemed harsh and not what you wanted to hear but you did ask. To me i would rather her be honest. If not than dont ask questions that might give you answers you dont want to hear. 

How about talking to her about what she does like you guys do and perform. Build up your confidence knowing you do please her in ways. Also having communication is good to have. Sex with your partner is about trial and error, learning what one likes and trying new things. Dont make it a comparison to her past or yours. Find out what both of you like. Take the stress out of it. Good luck.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

TJW said:


> Then, first time for my W and I, she seemed very disappointed. * I asked her the next day, and she told me the story of how her first husband had a much larger penis than me and was experienced in bed, knowing how to do lots of "positions" and could "keep" his erection for an hour or more.
> *


*

Was this before or after you were married?

I don't think I'd get over that either. She's either incredibly naïve or cruel.*


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

You don't need a penis or positions at all if you know how to give her an orgasm with your tongue.

Get a copy of "Sheet Music" and "She Comes First" and read all about good marital sex.

Then take a look at some of the kama sutra sites online for myriad position options if you need ideas.

How is your marriage? Emotional intimacy goes a long way to making people feel comfortable exploring sex together.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

What woman says that kind of ****?


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## Crickets (Sep 2, 2015)

Maybe take it out of the bedroom. It seems that you need a confidence booster, and that has nothing to do with size or positions or whatever. Try and find ways to be more in control and assertive. Then do everything BUT sex. Do it TO her and do it FOR her and then see what happens from there. I'm trying to figure this out myself too, but for women sex starts in our head. Hope that helps. Good luck.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

> You don't need a penis or positions at all if you know how to give her an orgasm with your tongue.


I can give her orgasms with my tongue. She says it's "not the same" and misses the variety. It's like sex is the #1, most important aspect of life to her.



> How is your marriage?


It's the biggest mistake I ever made. I don't feel one bit "safe" to share intimacy with her. She makes derisive remarks about me, my physique, my sexual capability, the way I drive, you name it, she finds fault with it.

As to "emotional intimacy" ? As they say in New York......fuhgetaboudit.... I am never going to "open up" to her in any way.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Fix your mistake.

If captain dong was so damn great, why isn't she still with him?

Maybe because she is just a b1tch?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

TJW said:


> I can give her orgasms with my tongue. She says it's "not the same" and misses the variety. It's like sex is the #1, most important aspect of life to her.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


So why are you with her?


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

TJW said:


> I can give her orgasms with my tongue. She says it's "not the same" and misses the variety. It's like sex is the #1, most important aspect of life to her.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


And you are still with her why???


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

If she was your girlfriend at the time I have to ask, why did you stick around.....lets honest what she said would have bruised any man, and with a mind set like that there is no pleasing....I would have cut my loses and moved on.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

TJW said:


> I can give her orgasms with my tongue. She says it's "not the same" and misses the variety. It's like sex is the #1, most important aspect of life to her.
> 
> It's the biggest mistake I ever made. I don't feel one bit "safe" to share intimacy with her. She makes derisive remarks about me, my physique, my sexual capability, the way I drive, you name it, she finds fault with it.
> 
> As to "emotional intimacy" ? As they say in New York......fuhgetaboudit.... I am never going to "open up" to her in any way.


Sounds like the woman of my ex-husband's dreams. How do Narcissists do when they end up together? I've never heard of that, because I think they gravitate to people like us they can criticize and control.

Sorry you're here, man. I sometimes get asked the question now why I ever married my ex in the first place or stayed with him for so long, until he dumped me for someone who tells him how great and amazing he is because she doesn't know any better. I really don't know - maybe it was because he could be so charming with everyone else.

I just have one more word for you: Run.


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## Dude007 (Jun 22, 2015)

Yeah go w NMB, run!! Bringing up her exs penis size is a deal breaker! Dude


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## Centurions (Jan 31, 2013)

Greetings!

How old are you? How old is your wife? How long have you been married? How long did you date her before you got married? How long was she married to her first husband? How many men has she had sex with before you?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ugh. Just divorce.


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## Buddy400 (Aug 30, 2014)

TJW said:


> It's the biggest mistake I ever made. I don't feel one bit "safe" to share intimacy with her. She makes derisive remarks about me, my physique, my sexual capability, the way I drive, you name it, she finds fault with it.


Whoa, time to go. It's not the sex it's the derision. Every additional minute you spend with her will damage you more.

Really, nobody needs this crap.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Why on earth did you marry such hateful and cruel person?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

@TJW,

I just checked your other thread. Dude, you're in your 60's so unless you are a knuckle dragging Neanderthal, and honey sometimes that's just what mamma wants, I'm sure you've learned a thing or two about sex and you know what you're doing.

What you don't know is how to assert boundaries. 

This isn't about sex, it's about you having enough self respect to not allow your wife to talk to you the way she does, or treat you the way she does.

Don't come here and piss and moan about it, tell her to keep her nastiness to herself!


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

> And you are still with her why???


I'm not. And, I'm not here to complain. The woman in question passed away in 1990 from liver failure while undergoing a transplant.

I didn't divorce her because it would have been financial suicide, however, I did set a "boundary" of no more sex and no attempts at "intimacy".
If she had lived, when my youngest son turned 18, I would have divorced then.

I posted because I have always wondered if my decision was right. According to your replies, I think it was.
Thanks.



> I think they gravitate to people like us they can criticize and control.


I think this is correct. They find people like me, who was a young Christian convert at the time, and believed God could do anything. I was
32 years old, yet unmarried, not very successful at dating or sex, introverted, but even low-self-opinion me stayed away from her after a while,
realizing that this was the exact "game".... it was pretty much like "battered wife syndrome".... she beat me up and tried to convince me it was my "fault".


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Well this is an interesting twist. I'm sorry she passed away, but at least she's out of your life.

The bigger issue is the fact that you're still dwelling on this decision 25 YEARS later. I would suggest some serious counseling.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

This is awful all around. My sympathies.


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

So dude; how have you done since 1999, and how are you now??


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

The woman in question died in 1990? And now, 25 years later you are processing the horrible way in which she treated you? Okay I guess you had a lot going on raising kids as a widower and just didn't have time to reflect enough to realize that the way she treated you was abusive. 

I was going to say that I'm sorry for your loss but that doesn't seem appropriate. Had she lived, I wonder what further damage she would have done to you. 

Are you just now becoming angry about how she treated you?


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

> Are you just now becoming angry about how she treated you?


No, there's very little emotion associated with it at all. 

I just wondered if anyone faced any similar circumstance and what they did to "get over" it.


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## imperfectworld (Jan 18, 2015)

IMHO this is virtually identical to retroactive jealousy, and sadly few are able to get over it. It's a strange case where the more you think about it the worse it gets.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Sounds like she was an unhappy person.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

TJW said:


> I just wondered if anyone faced any similar circumstance and what they did to "get over" it.


I never have but if it happened once, it would be the first time and the last time. The way you get over it is to realize some people are not going to be happy with you and will verbally abuse you. When you move on to someone who doesn't treat you like that, you'll start to feel bad, not because of what the first person thought had any credence, but because you were stupid enough to put up with it longer than you should have and pissed away part of your life considering it.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

While I have not faced similar circumstances, I do think i know what I would do...

If my c0ck were not big enough for my wife, I would get her off with a dildo instead. and then I would fvck her as hard as I could for my own pleasure. And if that were not okay, I would probably never have sex with her again.

Cuz seriously, after I satisfy her, the only reason for her to deny me is because of her own selfishness. Everyone wants to talk about the need to "feel it" in the moment. And in saying so, they usually forget about what their spouse wants "in the moment". 

Yeah.... fvck that unbalanced nonsense. If I'm not doing it for my wife, I'm not going to hold it against st her if she leaves me. But if i am, I certainly will hold it against her if she denies me.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

> if that were not okay, I would probably never have sex with her again.


That was my choice.



> I'm not going to hold it against st her if she leaves me.


Well, actually, I hold it against her because she didn't leave. Instead, she chose to keep me obligated to provide for her when there
was absolutely nothing "in it" for me except a hurtful situation being perpetuated. Instead, she had affairs, blamed them on me and
my lack of ability, and continued to USE me as a paycheck-on-legs.

She could have chosen to do the HONORABLE thing and given me a "walk".


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

TJW said:


> That was my choice.
> Instead, she chose to keep me obligated to provide for her when there
> was absolutely nothing "in it" for me except a hurtful situation being perpetuated. Instead, she had affairs, blamed them on me and
> my lack of ability, and continued to USE me as a paycheck-on-legs.
> ...


TJ I hate to be this blunt my man but you're the classic definition of a sucker. If you were going to hang around and let her whip you around like that, why wouldn't she. You volunteered for the assignment Dawg.
I don't think many folks are going to read your post and say, "hey, I want to be like that guy". 
BTW, you're the second stooge that's post in the last couple of month that sounds like he's related to Copper Top.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

TJW said:


> That was my choice.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


And you put up with this. That was YOUR decision. You can make another one any time you want.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

TJW said:


> That was my choice.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


OK, that's passive aggressive. You chose to stay. That's on you. You could have walked at any time.

You said that divorce would have been financial suicide. But then you hold it against her because she did not give you a "walk". Well it still would have been financial suicide.

The longer a couple is married, the worse the financial hit can be. So waiting until your daughter was 18 would have been even worse.

This all makes no sense.


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