# sexless and one sided relationship



## SpaRx89 (Jun 24, 2017)

Hi gang, this is my first post here.

I've been reading page after page of this thread, and I just want thank everyone for posting, as I don't feel so alone now.

You see, I'm in a pretty sexless and one sided relationship in terms of intimacy. We've been together for 7 years, and just now I think she heard me. I've been saying it for a very long time that her lack of initiation makes me feel unattractive. She claimed that she would take effort, and has never really followed through. I can recall only two times she initiated in the entire lifespan of us.

I'm a very sexual, and fun partner, but I think I am with someone without a libido. I finally had the big talk with her, and flat out said that if this does not improve, our relationship is doomed. I'm a pretty straight forward guy, and I really say what I'm thinking, so here goes. 

I'm on the verge of having an affair. I have one building up, and time is running out for the gf. I feel so physically neglected. I'm fit, I work outdoors for a living, I'm fun, and always seeking that edge. The woman who's emailing me is saying all this sexy stuff that she wants to do to me because she knows it's not healthy for anyone to be neglected. I see my gf's neglect towards me as a form of abuse. I didn't sign up for celibacy. I had more sex being single than I've ever had in this relationship. It's on its last leg.

I used to always initiate. I used to rip her clothes off, go down on her because I like doing that stuff, yet she's never done that. I'm really starting to think she's extremely selfish.

She on the other hand sits on her computer, facebooks, does sudoku, and misses countless chances to take the reigns. I flat out said to her that I need to feel wanted. I need someone to paw at me, and take over. All of my sexual partners in the past acted, and initiated. 

One in particular showed up at my house with white lacy lingerie under a trench coat. That woman took the time to please me, and I never forgot it. 

Has the gf ever done anything like this? 

No. :|

Not once has she really put the effort in to get dolled up for me... meanwhile, I can't count how many times I've gone that extra mile to keep it alive. I feel like I'm being taken for granted. When I asked her why she hasn't engaged me all these years, her reply really made me step back. "I already have you!"

That really upset me... what is that? Sounds selfish to me. Yeah, you have me under lock and key away from being pleased. Just reading that back to myself, I admit to being quite angry at her selfishness.

So yeah, I just want to thank you all for reading that exhalation, and I'm glad we can be open here. It means a lot because I don't feel ashamed of how I feel.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@SpaRx89

You posted the above on an old thread. I moved your post to your own thread so that you can get input from our members.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You are not married to your partner, right? Do not have an affair. Just end your relationship. Why would you stay with your partner and cheat?


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

Tell her that if she doesn't start meeting your needs, then you'll be leaving. Wait two weeks to see if she responds, and if she doesn't, then end the relationship.

Of course, don't threaten this unless you have the intention and will to carry it out.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

EleGirl said:


> You are not married to your partner, right? Do not have an affair, just end your relationship. Why would you stay with your partner and cheat?


Agree. This is a no brainer. End the relationship first (like today). THEN pursue the other woman. Why would you have an affair when you can just break up?

Don't prolong your misery any longer.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I agree with others here. If you are not married, then you have every right to leave if you are not happy with your sex life. Then you can find someone more compatible. 

Consider the alternatives? Spend the rest of your life cheating? Going the rest of your life with a bad sex life?

If you are married then still think about whether staying together makes sense.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Dude why are you even with this person? 

Let me tell you what dating is. Dating is going out and doing things with someone to get to know each other to see if that is who you want to spend the rest of your days with and make a home and family with. 

I'd say you have your answer on that with this gal. Why are you even still with her after all this time?

Drop the ax and Move on.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

You comunicated your needs and shes indifferent. 

Not working very good for you is it ?

Get you ducks in a row and then just move out.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> You are not married to your partner, right? Do not have an affair, just end your relationship. Why would you stay with your partner and cheat?


Because he still *benefits* by staying with her or he WOULD have left.

She's good enough for whatever* else* she provides for him so he'll go out and screw around but still stay with her for the other stuff he still wants and needs from her.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Because he still *benefits* by staying with her or he WOULD have left.
> 
> She's good enough for whatever* else* she provides for him so he'll go out and screw around but still stay with her for the other stuff he still wants and needs from her.


Sometimes it's inertia. 

If you are in a rut

Get your own groove back.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

@SpaRx89

Hi, checking in on you. How are things going?

You might want to respond to the questions and comments here so that we know you are still reading.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Don't mean to resurrect a fading thread here, but..

What I don't get is that if you're not married, then simply end it.

I'm married, and I love my wife, but if I knew the relationship was headed this way, I would have walked.

Hindsight is always 20/20 - and here we have a situation in which it's not even hindsight - it's the present. I have no doubt OP loves this woman, but there's no sexual compatibility, and this is clearly something that's important to him.

Let me be the first to tell you - this won't get better. She won't wake up one day and be what you want her to be. This is who she is, and she's showing you. There's also nothing "wrong" with her, she's just not what you want her to be.

I married this woman. While I have no regrets, I AM missing out on something.

And the reality is that if I knew this was how this was going to be back then, I likely would have moved on, despite how much I was (and still am) in love with my wife.

This woman is showing you who she is NOW and you're aware of it - enough that you're posting in a marriage forum about this.

You have two choices. Either accept her for who she is and understand that she will always be like this. Or move on and find someone who is compatible in this area.


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## SpaRx89 (Jun 24, 2017)

I read over all of your suggestions, and I am deeply sorry for my absence. I was out of town for 4 days, and I just got back. Was surprised to see all the responses.

I want to thank Elegrl for moving this to its own post. I appreciate that. All of your comments were valid to what happened. SO yeah, I did end up breaking it after giving her a bit more time to act so to speak. She still didn't.

I suppose it was more about her to begin with. 
Take care folks. Again.... ty.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Now thats a happy ending. Realizing your not compatible before getting married!


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

SpaRx89 said:


> I read over all of your suggestions, and I am deeply sorry for my absence. I was out of town for 4 days, and I just got back. Was surprised to see all the responses.
> 
> I want to thank Elegrl for moving this to its own post. I appreciate that. All of your comments were valid to what happened. SO yeah, I did end up breaking it after giving her a bit more time to act so to speak. She still didn't.
> 
> ...


Glad to see that you made a definite move on this. You dated her and found out that she could not meet your needs. End of story.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

SpaRx89 said:


> Hi gang, this is my first post here.
> 
> I've been reading page after page of this thread, and I just want thank everyone for posting, as I don't feel so alone now.
> 
> ...


Don't have an affair break up with her. Why hold on if you are moving on. Maybe this new girl would be a good fit for you if you start it in an affair you may blow that before it even has a chance to be good.

You're not married, the point of dating is to evaluate if the person would be a good match, obviously she is not. You have every right to move on.

Edit: saw your update, good job.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Because he still *benefits* by staying with her or he WOULD have left.


Or alternatively, he wants the option value in his current relationship, if the girlfriend doesn't work out.

OP, cheating is never acceptable and it is an awful thing to do to anyone. Your choice to cheat will forever follow you, so keep in mind what label you'd be wearing afterward. 

IMHO, you'd be a better man to gracefully exit your current relationship, than you would for cheating behind your SO's back! Remember, cheaters never win.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> You are not married to your partner, right? Do not have an affair. *Just end your relationship*. Why would you stay with your partner and cheat?


WHY do people think, after 7 years of pain and suffering, that there is some magic cure? Just show her the door and find someone who truly loves and desires you. end of story.

IF you were married, i would suggest counseling to try to save it. But un-married? What took you so long to come to your senses?


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## janet_pi (Jun 14, 2018)

I would just be honest with her.


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