# Initiating sex for women



## Popeye0789 (Oct 11, 2011)

So my fiance and I have been having an issue of late. She is a very shy individual and not overly forward which I love and find adorable. The issue we are having is she is frustrated by the fact that she feels like I turn her down for sex, reality being sometimes I don't even know she wants it. she feels that at the mention of sex I should be ready to go when in fact sometimes I'm not already "in the mood" and can't just pop into it. We've discussed that it would help if she initiated sex rather than approaching it similar to "let's eat dinner". The problem is she simply does not know how. I'm not sure if it's a lack of confidence or knowledge but the best attempt so far has been a clumsy make-out session and it's difficult for me to interpret that she is wanting to be intimate. If anyone has any suggestions please help, I love this woman dearly and don't want my inability to respond to her desires to hurt our relationship.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

It requires both confidence and knowledge for one to seduce someone. But I'm not so sure if she can learn from others as every relationship has different buttons, different ways to turn each other on, different "love languages" so to speak. Turning her down repeatedly will dampen that confidence however - something that happened to my wife, despite her immense knowledge of how to get me in the mood. 

She has to take the steps herself to learn, and you have to be more open with her in terms of communication, telling her what turns you on and what you like etc - but do it smooth, don't put her down. There are also articles on the net which can help or counsellors.


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## gonefishin (Oct 7, 2011)

I have been married for 18 years and this has been an issue with my marriage.

If she is trying, work with her. Take it from me, do not discourage her from trying. I do not care how clumsy she is. She cares and she is trying. At least you know what to look for and it is up to you to be ready or tell her that you will get ready.

After 18 years, I just found out that my wife's way of saying "hey I want some is taking to me when I crawl into bed. So, now I know if she engages in conversation, it is up to me to take the next step.

Many women are not going to rip your clothes off. It is the casual approach. Strange but it is what it is.

Do not make a big deal out of this.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

After a while you get the signals rather strong, obvious but not too obvious; though by that time you will probably muck around a bit, like sometimes the missus just keeps trying to initiate and I keep playing dumb driving her into frustration!!! :rofl:

However, it's so easy for her to get it as soon as she teases me then tells me one word; "No"... for some strange reason. She's capitalised on it recently, and it's irritating me on another level, because she ends up feeling my head with lust I can't think of other stuff.

But we've come a long way to reach this point mate - and it's the open communication that helped us (and relentless wrestling wars over the family throne!)


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## Popeye0789 (Oct 11, 2011)

I appreciate the help guys. It seems the only way we're going to fix this is through more communication. it's not that I am specifically telling her no just that it's hard for me to get in performance shape when approached like a business transaction. Clearly I need to open my eyes for her signs a little more and let her know what turns me on.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Just in case you & she want to get some books, explore the issue in more detail, it all should be covered here, stories for her to relate too, etc. 

As for me .......always my saving grace, any issue I need to conquer, I get a good book! 

Amazon.com: Sexually Shy: The Inhibited Woman's Guide To Good Sex (9780984057467): Bukod Books: Books

Amazon.com: The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind Body Heart Spirit (9780767926065): Shannon Ethridge: Books


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

Shorter form:

me me me me me me me me me me


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Can people learn this without it being awkward?

I don't know.

In my opinion, either you have that sex appeal, or you don't. I'm not saying she's not sexy...but...if it's not who she is, then I don't know what to tell you.


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## NoIssues (Oct 9, 2011)

1. Tell her you love her and are honestly not rejecting her
2. Make a suggestion to have an agreed upon signal that fits her personality
3. Promise to respond to the signal

My wife and I have not had that problem, but have several signals we use as a fun game. 

Here are a few 

1. We wink at each other 
2. She wiggles her behind
3. She says "hey big boy somebodys lonely"

etc, theres a bunch


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Pop,
Lets just accept that with regard to sex, any notions of symmetry don't really apply. When a shy woman to even gently suggests sex she is putting herself in a very vulnerable position. Much more so than an average man who has learned that his higher drive means he is going to have to deal with some amount of rejection in a grown up manner. 

So if you love this woman. And she makes an overture, start regular foreplay as if it was your idea. Unless you are north of 50/60/etc. years old your body will magically come to life. 

The sexual ecosystem in a LTR can be fragile. Tread carefully.




Popeye0789 said:


> So my fiance and I have been having an issue of late. She is a very shy individual and not overly forward which I love and find adorable. The issue we are having is she is frustrated by the fact that she feels like I turn her down for sex, reality being sometimes I don't even know she wants it. she feels that at the mention of sex I should be ready to go when in fact sometimes I'm not already "in the mood" and can't just pop into it. We've discussed that it would help if she initiated sex rather than approaching it similar to "let's eat dinner". The problem is she simply does not know how. I'm not sure if it's a lack of confidence or knowledge but the best attempt so far has been a clumsy make-out session and it's difficult for me to interpret that she is wanting to be intimate. If anyone has any suggestions please help, I love this woman dearly and don't want my inability to respond to her desires to hurt our relationship.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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