# My cheating husband...



## ness366 (Dec 24, 2013)

I have been married for almost 7 years. I never have tought that my husband can cheat. But now my husband stays out all night on the weekends, he is too tired for sex and always deletes text messages and phone calls, he changed passwords, furthermore he still writes with someone... I'd like to check his activity on the Web. Any ideas?


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Standard evidence gathering post. Invert the sexes. Mostly we get betrayed husbands. Still works for wives tho. Step by step, play by play this is the collected wisdom of dozens here.

Your wife is acting funny. Her phone and email suddenly have passwords you don't know. She shuts down phone apps or changes windows on the computer whenever you enter the room. She is suddenly staying out until 2 to 5 in the morning. She has new single friends. She has lost weight and is dressing hotter to boot. Her ex contacted her 3 weeks ago and she wants “to meet to catch up at some public place” Any of this sound familiar? 

If you are reading this your gut is going crazy. “Relax”, in that there is a high liklihood that you are not crazy at least. “Your gut” is your basic instinct from the caveman period. There is something up with your mate. It is part of your mind built into you and in your DNA. You probably cant sleep. You are losing weight like crazy and are not hungry. Well if you are reading this and that is 90% of you reading this if its your first time... You are embarking on what is probably going to be the worst time of your life.

Chin up, yes I know it is damn near impossible to believe now, but I and the people at TAM here have taken dozens of men through this process. Some reconcile, most dont in the long run so be aware. Most of us hang around this grim grim place for a sense of “pay it forward” and “getting at the truth” Even in divorce, the long run the majority find love again... yes really. Often selecting a far far better future companion. Read poster BFF for a thread of disaster, divorce, recovery, and a new wonderful woman in his life. Younger and hotter, yes, but also one with better boundaries, often a far far better personality match. Oh and they get to go through that first time with her after the first I love you's have been exchanged. Just know, that for the majority, even if the marriage crashes, in six months, a year, maybe two you will wonder how you got so far so fast and how great your new life is. You will also be MUCH MUCH stronger as a person.

So. Here are your instructions. Do this now. I dont mean next week. I mean make something up within the next day and GET IT DONE! Not looking will only prolong your agony.
Rule 1 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding. 
Rule 2 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding. 
Rule 3 for this.
SHUT UP. Eyes open. YOUR mouth closed. confronting only makes them better at hiding. 

NO MORE CONFRONTS!! Play dumb husband for a bit. Dont drive her further underground! Soft confronts RARELY WORK AND ONLY MAKE GETTING AT THE TRUTH HARDER!!! THIS PROLONGS YOUR AGONY! NEVER give up you get your intel from the VAR. You tell her, you always got your info from a PI or someone saw them. Hard confronts with overwhelming evidence to crush all resistance are the name of the game.

Buy 2 sony ICDPX312 or ICDPX333 voice activated recorders. Best Buy sells them for like 50 bucks. DO NOT BUY THE cheapies. USE LITHIUM batteries. We have examples of 25 hour recordings using them on these sony recorders. My icon IS a Sony ICDPX312. No I do not have stock in nor work for Sony.

Setup instructions are on page 19. Also good stuff on page 31.
Use 44K bit rate for balancing file size vs quality DO NOT USE 8K!!!!! Simply put. The higher the quality the better the sound and 8K sucks. ALSO. The higher the quality the more you can manipulate the mp3 in Audacity.
Set VOR "on" see page 38
See page 40 for adding memory if necessary
Play with it yourself to get familiar. TEST IT OUT 
Turn off the beep feature. Its on one of the menus. You can even play prevent defense by going to a dollar store, buying uber-cheapie earbuds, cut off the buds but put in the jack which will actually disable the speaker for additional protection.

Go to Walmart and buy heavy duty velcro.
This is one item: Velcro Heavy-Duty Hook and Loop Fastener VEK90117: Office : Walmart.com
also
Purchase VELCRO Hook and Loop Fasteners, Sticky-Back, for less at Walmart.com. Save money. Live better.
The velcro is usually in the fabric section or less often in the aisle with the fasteners like screws. The velcro pack is mostly blue with a yellow top. Clear pack shows the vecro color which is black or white. 

Use the velcro to attach the var under her seat UP INSIDE. SECURE IT WELL!!!!!! So well even a big bump wont knock it off. attach one side HD velcro from Walmart to back. USE BIG PIECE
attach other side HD velcro again UP INSIDE car seat. 

ATTACH THE CRAP out of it. It needs to stay put going over big potholes or railroad tracks.
I recommend exporting the sound files to your comp. The recorder is very cumbersome for playback.

Put the second VAR in whatever room she uses to talk in when you are not around. If you are a typical man, use your size advantage to put it someplace she cant reach, even on a chair. Beware spring cleaning season if she does it.

Amazon has a pen VAR that can be placed in a purse or other small place to get remote conversations. Yes the pen works.

Usual warning. If you hear another man and perhaps a little kissing or... STOP Listening and have a trusted friend listen and tell you what went on. Knowing she is a cheat will kill you. Hearing her moan while another man is inside her will murder you to your very soul!!!!!! You are not strong enough to hear that. Dont try it. I know what I am talking about in this.

If you need clean up the recordings get Audacity. Its free from the internet. I have used it on var work for others here to remove things like engine noise. If needed, I have done var work for four men here. RDMU is the only one who has released some of the confidentiality. Read his second thread for my reliability and confidentiality. 

Lets be very clear about what the VAR is for and is not for. It will not be court admissible evidence. It is not for the confrontation. IT IS TO GET YOU AHEAD OF THE AFFAIR so you can gain other real evidence by knowing the who and when. NEVER MENTION YOUR VAR EVIDENCE. As far as the cheater is concerned, they were seen by a PI or something NOT your VAR!!

If your wife comes home from an alone time does she immediately change liners, change panties possibly even immediately laundering them?, shower? This can be an after the fact clean up. Amazon sells a semen detection kit called checkmate.

The ezoom GPS has been found to be easy to buy at Radio shack and useful. There is even a locator webpage you can track with.

Look for a burner phone. This is a second phone from a prepay service just used for cheating communications. That is often why wives let the husband "see their phone" The dont use their main phone for cheating purposes.

There is an app out there called teensafe. Its for both Iphone and Android. It monitors texts, GPS and facebook. Needs no jailbreak. Not perfect and delayed but no jailbreak required.

Look for apps on her phone like words with friends. It has a non traceable texting feature.
Here is a list 25 Apps to Help You Cheat On Your Girlfriend | Complex
Rclawson came up with how to get the PW on an ipad
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...eling-my-wife-cheating-me-16.html#post4692714

A poster named Stigmatizer came up with this nice app that appears to give the caller name for iphones:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping...y-creepy-happening-my-home-7.html#post4769890

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/4854930-post220.html
Hi rosie!

If he uses chrome or firefox, there is probably a list of saved passwords you can look at. Even if his email isn't saved there, people usually only use a couple of different passwords, so one from the list might work. 

For firefox it's Tools -> Options -> Security -> Saved Passwords


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## X-B (Jul 25, 2013)

Trust Weightlifters advice and have a friend screen the recordings for you. You can never unhear what you have heard. Good luck and I am sorry you are here at Christmas time.(or anytime) I got the info on first day with recorder in her car. The car is where they feel safest to talk.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Betaman learned in the worst possible way. If you hear them get busy on a VAR recording stop and use a trusted friend to listen.

Hearing your husband with another will easily double the mental damage.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

Suppose this is just the beginning for you 

Sorry you are here but you can always ask him outright and be prepared for him to lie his ass off but also be prepared to front him out and walk away too, go to a friends or your families and get out of that toxic situation, if he won't change then you are already a step ahead of him in getting back on your own two feet.

If you have suspicions now, it only gets worse, Dday will kill you inside and life becomes a steaming pile of dog sh!tt and then he says all the kind words you hysterically bond and bang each others brains out for a couple months and as soon as the coast is clear off he goes again and you have panic attacks and palputations at the slightest hint of him being late etc, but don't let that worry you, it's the possibilities of STDs that should scare the bejezus outta ya, he bangs her riddled with them, comes home bangs you for pity and gives it to you.

Think carefully on how you wanna live your life?


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## ness366 (Dec 24, 2013)

Thanks for help! I'm aware of this critical situation... 
@X-Betaman - it's very good idea, I will try this way. 
I need absolute proofs for his adultery, because, otherwise, I just can't walk away... But that alters the case. I think about some spy program but I don't know what I should choose.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Read my post. You simply will not get closer to step by step without hiring someone at $100 an hour.


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## wranglerman (May 12, 2013)

weightlifter said:


> Read my post. You simply will not get closer to step by step without hiring someone at $100 an hour.


Sad but so true!!!

But you seem very calm in your posts, might I inquire as to your full story if you want to share?


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

VAR works well


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## ness366 (Dec 24, 2013)

Eventually, I ordered spy program, SpyLogger, and after all, I have absolute proofs of his betrayal - he did it for a long time.... I'm sick of him, I filed for a divorce.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

ness366 said:


> Eventually, I ordered spy program, SpyLogger, and after all, I have absolute proofs of his betrayal - he did it for a long time.... I'm sick of him, I filed for a divorce.


Good for you.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

And don't look back.


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## Cloaked (Sep 15, 2013)

@ness366
Do you have any children?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ness366 (Dec 24, 2013)

Thanks... Fortunately we haven't got any children, but I would to do likewise. Better late than never.


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## cool12 (Nov 17, 2013)

best of luck to you.


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## Allen_A (Nov 18, 2013)

Get out while you can.

And get an STD test STAT.


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## Miss Taken (Aug 18, 2012)

I'm sure you don't want to hear how "lucky" you are for not having kids with this man but it's the truth. You can be free of him for good with the finalization of a divorce instead of having to deal with him for life.

Having to continually work with and co-parent with someone who betrayed you like that is harder. Good job on being proactive on finding out. It hurts but it's better to know what you're married to than live a lie.


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## ness366 (Dec 24, 2013)

I'm deeply convinced that it was good decision... Actually we are in the throes of divorce... This program was worth one's weight in gold, thanks for advice... Well, things happen, now I'm starting the new lap..


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