# Only Married For 6 Months and Considering Divorce



## rdhall (May 19, 2015)

My husband and I married 2/6/15. I'm 28, he's 38. Things were going good until he started staying in his home town (about 45 mintues away) and not coming home. When he stays there, he stays with his aunt. I voiced my concerns the first few times and it continued hwich led to arguments. He did it do regularly that I began to stop calling and worrying because I knew he was staying there. He went to work in MN in May and was gone until July 31st. He surprised me when he came home. One night I was upstairs and he asked me to bring his phone down stairs. I picked it up and he was still logged into facebook. I looked through his messages. I saw messages from mulitple women but two in particular that bothered me the most. One was from a woman that lives in GA and I truly believe he hasn't seen her in a year. But they were telling each other that they love each other, want to make love to each other. While he was at work he would talk to me a max of 5-10 minutes. He was talking to and messaging her for hours a day while ignoring me. The other woman is from his hometown. She is supper ghetto, gold teeth and to make matters worst my sister (who is professional make up artist) has done her make-up in my PARENTS home. He came home from work July 31st. I was teaching vacation Bible school at my church that week so we barely saw each other. On august 3rd, i called him when I went on my lunch break and he didn't answer nor was he home. I called him again when I got off work, no answer. I left it alone and he called back around 10:00 P.M. He says he went to another city to hang out with some of the guys from his job and was on his way home. The city is about 1 1/2 hours away. He didn't come home until 3:00 a.m. SO i knew something was up. Anyways when I saw those Facebook messages, he went to see her August 3rd. They were exchanging messages then her number and the messages stopped. The next day she sent him a message saying, "hey sorry about last night. My head wasn't right. I confronted him. He kept sayign baby I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm going through a midle life crisis." I left home and worked out. I messaged the women the one in GA told me she isn't sleepign with him and not to worry about anything. The other one said she didn't know we were married (a lie), she knew we had problems. I got on his fb and messged them as if I was him. The one in Ga that he said he loves, snapped and was angry because he "allowed" me to disrespect her by me messaging her and saying something to her. She also said that she could have told me the truth but because of her respect for him, she didn't. She said she loves him but is no fool because what he does to me, he will do to her. I tried to show him the messages but he wouldn't look at them. He claims he never slept with them or even met up with them but I know he's lying. Things have been rough, very rough. He says he will never hurt me again however he's still been staying out late at night and sometime snot coming home again. He did it again on Sunday. I called twice and no answer. He called later sayign he was on his way home. He didn't come home. He didn't come home Monday either. So after work, I packed up all his clothes, drove to his aunt's house and called him. No answer. He was outside with his phone in his hand talking to his friends. I pulled up and lost it. I truly "showed my tail." I started throwing his clothes into the dirt, threw the laundry baskets at home, thew one at his car, I threw stuff everywhere. All he said was I dind't have to throw his stuff that way and I left. Never heard from him. yesterday, I know i was childish for doing this, I logged into his facebook account and posted a picture up of the woman in GA (I know she wouldn't find out and she lives so far away. yes it was chlidish of me). I hadn't heard anything from him until I did that. He called and was so angry. He said I haven't tried to hurt you, now you've hurt me. I would never embarass you. Our business is our business. I replied, "was our business ours when you told your mistress about our problems? You've messages and flirted with so many women, one even works in the same building as me. You don't think those women tell their friends and laugh behind my back and all you're worried about is you being embarassed? You have humiliated me, lied to me, cheated on me and disrespected me." I stated our marriage is at the point of no return, he said yea after you did what you've done. It's like he takes no responibility in this. I am super stressed about this and finances. I had a great job earlier this year and lost it. I'm making WAY less, like more than half of what I use to make. I'm paying a sitter to keep our baby that I can't even afford for him to hang out. I love him and he's not a bad person. I just wonder if he's not husband material. He's been married before. I was in a serious relationship before for 6 years that almost took my life. Meeting him was great. We get along well, talk about everything and have fun together. I just feel completely broken and I don't want to spend my life tracking and looking over my shoulder to see what my husband is doing. I'm thinking counseling but I need him to show his remourse. I'm just wondering if I should just leave it alone and see what he does. The problem is he will leave to go back to work in a couple weeks and will be gone 3-4 months.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Divorce.

Telling other women on FB that he wants to MAKE LOVE TO THEM???? And you've only been married 6 MONTHS??? You should still be in the honeymoon phase, not watching him embarrass himself with FB hoes.

Time to file.

(Just a suggestion... please edit your initial post and break it into paragraphs. I stopped reading about halfway through because my eyes were crossing. Very difficult to read a wall of text.)


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## Orange_Pekoe (Jan 5, 2015)

rdhall said:


> You have humiliated me, lied to me, cheated on me and disrespected me."
> ...
> I love him and he's not a bad person.


He humiliated you, lied to you, cheated on you and disrespected you. He's not a bad person? Sure...if you say so...but he's definitely a bad husband.

Even if he does show remorse, chances are, he will cheat on you again. Is he worth all the emotional/physical/psychological turmoil and mess?


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## Pam (Oct 7, 2010)

He is a bad person. Stop loving him.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Ugh. Paragraphs, please.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Ugh. Paragraphs, please.


no need. ill paraphrase since OP was fairly long winded in a message that could have been pretty short:

"blamshifting, serial cheating sh!t husband, and i am just now realizing it."

op, your husband is crap.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

You married him in 2/2015. How long did you two date before you married?

Is he the father of your child?

You need to file for divorce now.

You say that he's not a bad man? If you do not think he's a bad man, then what exactly do you think a bad man is? Here is something to contemplate. A man who cheats on his wife is a bad man. What your husband is doing is a form of emotional abuse.

Please go get counseling at a place that provides counseling and support for victims of spousal abuse. You need help in figuring out how to fix yourself so that you do not end up in yet another abusive relationship after this one is over.

When I caught my husband cheating with a few women, it was odd because each of them thought that they were the only one who he loved. I spoke to each of them and they told me this. He had not told any of them that he was married. But, after they found out that he was married, each one still thought that they were the love of his life. So I did them a favor. I got all of the emails, texts, etc from all of them, zipped it up , and emailed all that to all of the women. I just wanted them to know that he was playing everyone. I figured that I was doing them a favor. 

Well after that read all that and saw that he was saying the same thing to each of them, they all dumped him. >

He was very angry at me and told me that the could never trust me again. I laughed at his audacity and replied that, oh, he could always trust me. He could always trust that I would do what I needed to do to protect myself. So that's what I did and I'd do it again in a heart beat.

You need to stand up to him in a way that stops him in his tracks and ends his nonsense. These women are purposely harming YOU. So let them know that he is playing games with them too.

After that refuse to talk to him or any of them. They are beneath you. Hold your head up high.

When you file for divorce, file for interim spousal support and child support if he is the father of your child. You should get support from him until the divorce is final. If your child is his, then you should be getting child support after the divorce too.

,


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## gouge_away (Apr 7, 2015)

Yea, you definitely should file.
You are under no obligation (religiously, or otherwise) to stay married to this man.
God does not intend for you to live out this curse, he intends for a marriage of two bodies becoming one. I believe you will find that what God has planned is redemptive, edifying, and sacred, but you first need to remove yourself from this man and work on your self respect.
If you don't respect yourself, nobody else will.


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