# No sex, I'm not coping well.



## thisishope (Jan 20, 2014)

So, I am Male, we got Married in 1983. Sex was OK but not great. As the years went by, it became really infrequent. In around 1992, I became a Christian and very active in the Church. Sex became pretty much absent. Maybe a few times a year! Of course with Christianity and walking with God, my Wife knew I would never stray. I knew I wouldn't either. So no need for her to have sex with me. Turn clock forward. 2007, I'm going crazy. Had enough. I decide I'm going to cheat on her. Bad choice. Met up with a 20 year old, and I was 50! Kind of quick and not much fun. The guilt was killing me to the point I told my Wife. So now all chances of Sex are off forever. OK, we are now in 2014 and 6.5 years without. My Doctor says I'm slowly dying. I have bleeding stomach ulcers, migraines, can't think or reason, very poor memory, very lonely, sad. My Wife has had cancer twice and a brain tumor. She's OK now and I feel I can't leave her. We have zero physical contact. A kiss from Wife is rare. A Gal at the Gym I belong to gives me free Hugs. It makes my day or week. I guess I'm like the other poster earlier. Wondering how to turn off my sex drive? I've got lots of resentment as I feel I missed the prime of my life. My Doctor is surprised I'm still alive.


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## seeking sanity (Oct 20, 2009)

Well that sucks. Listen jesus doesn't want you to suffer with a cold, abusive woman who has not done her part to show you any love. Seriously. She's not going to change. She's probably miserable as well. Leave her and make the rest of your life count. Seriously. 

You've boxed yourself in with some conditions:
1. I won't leave her because,
2. Leaving her would go against christ

I think you should reconsider both. It's literally killing you. Is this woman worth dying for?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

IMO, your delusional beliefs are literally killing you.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

It always bums me out when I see people using religion as an excuse for not doing the right thing and taking control of their lives.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So to get this straight...

You won't get a divorce for religious reasons, but you'll have sex with a 20 year old who's not your wife. And when you confess to your wife, you're wondering why she wants sex with you even less than she did before?

I think you have two choices. Live with things the way they are, or get out of the marriage. You could try counselling. You could start with individual counselling to figure out why you did what you did, and to show your wife you're serious about fixing things. And then try to persuade her to join you in marriage counselling. But I suspect that won't fly with her. She's had a grudge for too long. 

C


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Can you leave and live separately without divorce? She can't be much happier than you are in this arrangement. 

Th affair was 6.5 years ago. I'm sure affairs are heartbreaking but there is little point of staying together afterwards to live as roommates.

Life is short, my friend. You aren't dead yet.


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

I am curious...why hasn't your wife joined with your religion????


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## Eagle3 (Dec 4, 2013)

How much did you talk to your wife about the lack of sex? Did you ever express your frustrations with her so she knew? Did you look at yourself and look into if you were doing anything that was causing the sexual disconnect? Just asking because all I see in this post is you were at some point sexual frustrated so you went out and had sex with someone else. Also till we know more from you don't throw out your religious beliefs because from this post you broke some on your own merit already.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

thisishope said:


> So, I am Male, we got Married in 1983. Sex was OK but not great. As the years went by, it became really infrequent. In around 1992, I became a Christian and very active in the Church. Sex became pretty much absent. Maybe a few times a year! Of course with Christianity and walking with God, my Wife knew I would never stray. I knew I wouldn't either. So no need for her to have sex with me. Turn clock forward. 2007, I'm going crazy. Had enough. I decide I'm going to cheat on her. Bad choice. Met up with a 20 year old, and I was 50! Kind of quick and not much fun. The guilt was killing me to the point I told my Wife. So now all chances of Sex are off forever. OK, we are now in 2014 and 6.5 years without. My Doctor says I'm slowly dying. I have bleeding stomach ulcers, migraines, can't think or reason, very poor memory, very lonely, sad. My Wife has had cancer twice and a brain tumor. She's OK now and I feel I can't leave her. We have zero physical contact. A kiss from Wife is rare. A Gal at the Gym I belong to gives me free Hugs. It makes my day or week. I guess I'm like the other poster earlier. Wondering how to turn off my sex drive? I've got lots of resentment as I feel I missed the prime of my life. My Doctor is surprised I'm still alive.


So, you're a Christian, but your wife is not? She certainly doesn't follow the teachings contained in the Bible, but people like to pick and choose the passages they don't like. 

What are you now, 57? What does your waist measure?


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## askari (Jun 21, 2012)

Wow! What a sorry state of affairs!

As I have mentioned on previous threads, religion can be destructive.
The Almighty (God, Allah whoever) gavce you the life you have, and only the one you'll get.
He wants you to be a happy and productive 'servant'. It seems you are wasting the life He gave you.

You had an indiscretion...you were thirsty and you were offered water.
When you stand before Him on judgment day will he chastise you for your indiscretion? I doubt it. You were thirsty and you were offered water which you accepted....because you have no water at home.

Likewise, if you divorce so that you can move on to make the most of the life He gave you, will you rot in purgatory? No.


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## Rayloveshiswife (Sep 25, 2013)

As your wife found out being a Christian does not make you immune from affairs. Affairs happen because you meet someone who fulfills an emotional need your spouse is not fulfilling. And most of the time it is not sex. If your wife is still punishing you almost seven years later for your affair she needs to either forgive you for it or divorce you. Read "his needs her needs", and have your wife read it if she cares at all about her marriage. 

BTW. The girl at the gym could easily turn into another affair if she also has unmet emotional needs.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

You have a roommate, not a wife. God made you a complete human being and gave you and your wife the gift of sex for a reason. I don't think his prohibition against adultery meant he'd be happier if you were a slave.


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## Thebes (Apr 10, 2013)

Sometimes women lose interest in sex with their husbands because they have no interest in fulfilling the wife's emotional needs. Do you ever tell her you love her or give her a compliment, bet you gave the 20 year old one.


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## thisishope (Jan 20, 2014)

Lots of interesting replies. First of all, committing Adultery is very serious. Don't do it, at all costs! I mentioned many times to my Wife I'm going outside Marriage if things don't change. Her answer - suit yourself. We both attend Church but it's not the same. Guilt is hard to live with, believe me. I wish I could turn the clock back. Someone commented "so you're 57, what's your waste size". Seems like a strange question. OK, I'm 147 pounds, 5'7", 30 inch waist. I was voted to be in the best physical shape at my 30th H.S. reunion - FWIW - not the best looking. I spend many hours at the Gym. I'd rather be there than watching TV. My Wife has had many major health issues and I owe it to her to attempt to stand be her side. She's been through more stuff than most.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Is part of staying by her side still fidelity? Does she wish to be sexual again in her life and does she wish you to remain celibate as a result? I understand things are not that easy but is there any middle ground here that would allow you to care for her but lift the vow of celibacy that was forced on you? Any hope of marriage counseling to resolve this issue at all? You said yourself - this situation is contributing to a decline in your health.


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## pecanpie (Dec 9, 2013)

If your wife is also a Christian, she needs to read _1 Corinthians 7:5 _

*"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."*

Depriving your spouse of sex, unless by mutual consent, is wrong and goes against the Christian bible.

My husband has denied me of sex for the last 15 years. I find it hard to forgive him and am still struggling with thoughts of divorcing him constantly. If I did not have kids, I would have walked out long ago.

I hope things improve for you. My husband and I share the same Christian faith and I have showed his verse to him but there has been no change in our sex life. I go to bed lonely each night. I have given up on him. It is up to God to change him now as I cannot do it. I am sending you one big hug to encourage you and that you are not alone. You can't imagine how bad I feel since I am the wife and most husbands want sex with their wives but not mine.



thisishope said:


> So, I am Male, we got Married in 1983. Sex was OK but not great. As the years went by, it became really infrequent. In around 1992, I became a Christian and very active in the Church. Sex became pretty much absent. Maybe a few times a year! Of course with Christianity and walking with God, my Wife knew I would never stray. I knew I wouldn't either. So no need for her to have sex with me. Turn clock forward. 2007, I'm going crazy. Had enough. I decide I'm going to cheat on her. Bad choice. Met up with a 20 year old, and I was 50! Kind of quick and not much fun. The guilt was killing me to the point I told my Wife. So now all chances of Sex are off forever. OK, we are now in 2014 and 6.5 years without. My Doctor says I'm slowly dying. I have bleeding stomach ulcers, migraines, can't think or reason, very poor memory, very lonely, sad. My Wife has had cancer twice and a brain tumor. She's OK now and I feel I can't leave her. We have zero physical contact. A kiss from Wife is rare. A Gal at the Gym I belong to gives me free Hugs. It makes my day or week. I guess I'm like the other poster earlier. Wondering how to turn off my sex drive? I've got lots of resentment as I feel I missed the prime of my life. My Doctor is surprised I'm still alive.


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## Machiavelli (Feb 25, 2012)

thisishope said:


> Lots of interesting replies. First of all, committing Adultery is very serious. Don't do it, at all costs! I mentioned many times to my Wife I'm going outside Marriage if things don't change. Her answer - suit yourself. We both attend Church but it's not the same. Guilt is hard to live with, believe me. I wish I could turn the clock back. Someone commented "so you're 57, what's your waste size". Seems like a strange question. OK, I'm 147 pounds, 5'7", 30 inch waist. I was voted to be in the best physical shape at my 30th H.S. reunion - FWIW - not the best looking. I spend many hours at the Gym. I'd rather be there than watching TV. My Wife has had many major health issues and I owe it to her to attempt to stand be her side. She's been through more stuff than most.


Since you have a 30" waist, you won't have any problem attracting women, as you have already figured out.

As pecan pie points out, your wife is not living up to her duty as a Christian wife. She is in clear violation of what the scripture says and in violation of her implicit marriage contract with you. In Bible times you would merely add another wife or concubine to your harem to take care of the problem. Have you thought about that?


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

The position of mate involves mating. If she's not, she's something other than a mate. What is her status and if you are financially supporting her, why? She can be celibate, indifferent, and unpleasant by herself in her own apartment. If she doesn't want a husband, why does she still have one? Depending on your belief system, you might imagine you'll get another lifetime and another chance to live as a complete human being. It might be wiser to choose to live during the years you have been given in this lifetime.


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## LongWalk (Apr 4, 2013)

Tell her that you are sorry about the affair. If she cannot forgive you, then you are divorcing her. If she retorts, "Whada ya mean, we're still married — isn't that forgiveness?"

You reply if we're married how come we never have sex?


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

thisishope said:


> Wondering how to turn off my sex drive?


There's no safe and effective way to do it. You could stop exercising and gain weight. That would lower your testosterone, which would lower your sex drive. Of course, being overweight is bad for you.

You could try chemical castration, but I doubt you can find a doctor who would agree to treat you. And, again, it's bad for you.

Sorry.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

thisishope said:


> My Wife has had many major health issues and I owe it to her to attempt to stand be her side.


If you're saying that divorce isn't an option, and separation isn't an option, then you're out of options. You can't really change your sex drive. And you certainly can't change your wife's heart.

It seems as though your only two options are to be your wife's roommate, or live by yourself. And, if you separate without divorce, you won't be having sex either way. But it would probably be easier to live without sex without having to deal with your tormentor every day. Also, there is a possibility that your leaving would motivate your wife to have sex with you to ensure that you stick around.

Good luck.


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## thisishope (Jan 20, 2014)

I appreciate all the input and suggestions. It's a tough nut to crack. We live in a house that is a mess - it needs tons of updating and repairs. A garage full of stuff we really don't need. I'm pretty much out-of-gas so the projects and mess remain. When I start on a project, I wonder the whole time I'm trying to work on it, "why" am I even trying - certainly no sexual reward for being a good sport. We've never been on a real vacation and I have worked hard to save money and to invest. Although investing has been a rocky road and saving has been difficult, as it is, we could almost retire. I guess it would kill my/our retirement to divorce and staying together with no changes will also likely kill me. I'm pretty much a zombie or maybe a robot? People at work sometimes comment with something like "are you in the ozone layer" or "come down to earth" or "hello?". I tend to fixate on attractive Women. Not good. I guess maybe I dream how maybe "it could have been" and think about the prime years of life have passed me by. I had the best intentions going into marriage 30 years ago but didn't know my Wife's knees would be stuck together. I found an old calendar at work from 1996. I'd marked on it every time we had some sexual event. For 1996, 5 times for the whole year but 3 of the events were in the same month. So it's been inadequate a long time. I suspect I'll lose my job sooner than later as I'm certainly not performing at my capacity there either. I'm probably as sad as I've ever been and so LONELY.


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## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

Ugh, no amount of financial security sounds worth all that. Life is short, my friend. Time to get busy living it.


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## PHTlump (Jun 2, 2010)

thisishope said:


> When I start on a project, I wonder the whole time I'm trying to work on it, "why" am I even trying - certainly no sexual reward for being a good sport. We've never been on a real vacation and I have worked hard to save money and to invest.


This is a common fallacy that men in sexless marriages believe. Sex can't be a reward for good behavior, or an exchange for a gift, like a vacation. Maybe it was that way at one time in your marriage. But that's because your wife was trying to limit sex and only have sex with you on special occasions.

In a sexual marriage, couples have sex because they love each other and are sexually attracted to each other. Period. If you're trying to pry sex out of your wife in exchange for things, it's because she doesn't love you and/or she isn't attracted to you.

I know that's harsh, but it's best to know the truth and deal with it than labor for years under a lie. The fact is, there is no amount of good behavior, or vacations, or things you can give your wife that will make her desire you. Right now, she doesn't. Perhaps you can change your behavior so that she will.



> I guess it would kill my/our retirement to divorce and staying together with no changes will also likely kill me.


So, how do you want to die? You've also left out the Christian approach of separating without divorcing. You can probably afford a small apartment nearby. Hell, rent a room over someone's garage.



> I guess maybe I dream how maybe "it could have been" and think about the prime years of life have passed me by.


You can't change the past. I guarantee that your wife doesn't appreciate Mr. Zombie any more than your boss does. So stop being Mr. Zombie. Change your future.

I understand that you want to feel sorry for yourself. And I understand how soul-crushing it can be for the woman who claimed she loved you more than anyone else in the world to refuse to touch you for years. But you have to stop blaming her. Not because she doesn't deserve blame, but because it will do no good. I guarantee you that she has rationalized 50 reasons why she's never desired sex with you. And none of them are her fault. You can't argue with her. You can't convince her that she should desire you. You can't guilt her into honoring her vows and having sex with you even though she doesn't desire you. It won't work.

The only hope you have to change your wife's behavior is to change your behavior in the hope that she will begin to see you in a different light, and begin to desire you. If you're unwilling to do that, then you either have to separate, or try your best to accept a celibate life without all the hoping and resentment that you currently have.

Check out Married Man Sex Life | How to have the marriage you thought you were going to have. By which I mean doing it like rabbits. for some good information on changing your marriage.

Good luck.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

over20 said:


> I am curious...why hasn't your wife joined with your religion????


Just a guess, but Christianity teaches it is a sin to not meet your spouse's sexual needs. It has other requirements about how you treat your spouse and other people in general.

If the OP's sex life has been bad for that long, it seems that his wife is comfortable not providing. I can't see anybody stepping into a situation that would call you out as a sinner (and call you out again for not being willing to improve your behavior).


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

pecanpie said:


> If your wife is also a Christian, she needs to read _1 Corinthians 7:5 _
> 
> *"Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."*


I believe she's not a Christian. Even if she were, there are many Christian men and women who manage to gloss over this requirement with a variety of rationalizations. Go over to the boards at The Marriage Bed • Index page and check it out.

To the OP: your best bet is to simply divorce your wife. Sexual refusal is just as much a form as sexual immorality as is adultery. In her case, there's an extra issue that she's not trying to improve her behavior. Advise her that you refuse to exist with her in a no-win situation.

Also, if you are stuck in caretaker mode - stop it. Yes, it sucks that she's had multiple bouts of cancer. But none of that justifies her treatment of you.


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## thisishope (Jan 20, 2014)

Well, I'm still in the same relationship. Now 60 years old, going on 61. My Doctor says I'm broken hearted. Apparently there is such a thing? bro·ken-heart·edˌbrōkənˈhärdəd/adjective adjective: broken-hearted; adjective: brokenhearted
overwhelmed by grief or disappointment.

Guess I don't have the guts to leave. No where to go. No friends as my close friends know about my behavior back then. They have distanced me completely. I get it. My best friend from Grade School passed away and my best friend from High School got infected with TB from a worker coming here from India on a work visa. He was one of two people in his office that tested positive. He's dying from heart failure now. Doctor insists the stress and sadness is killing me. No longer can sleep, he put me on CPAP but still no sleep. Just barely hanging onto my job, probably not for much longer? So that is all.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

thisishope said:


> So, I am Male, we got Married in 1983. Sex was OK but not great. As the years went by, it became really infrequent. In around 1992, I became a Christian and very active in the Church. Sex became pretty much absent. Maybe a few times a year! Of course with Christianity and walking with God, my Wife knew I would never stray. I knew I wouldn't either. So no need for her to have sex with me. Turn clock forward. 2007, I'm going crazy. Had enough. I decide I'm going to cheat on her. Bad choice. Met up with a 20 year old, and I was 50! Kind of quick and not much fun. The guilt was killing me to the point I told my Wife. So now all chances of Sex are off forever. OK, we are now in 2014 and 6.5 years without. My Doctor says I'm slowly dying. I have bleeding stomach ulcers, migraines, can't think or reason, very poor memory, very lonely, sad. My Wife has had cancer twice and a brain tumor. She's OK now and I feel I can't leave her. We have zero physical contact. A kiss from Wife is rare. A Gal at the Gym I belong to gives me free Hugs. It makes my day or week. I guess I'm like the other poster earlier. Wondering how to turn off my sex drive? I've got lots of resentment as I feel I missed the prime of my life. My Doctor is surprised I'm still alive.


So you had an affair rather then divorce. Sad. God hates divorce it's true, but he puts to death those who cheated at least in the old testament. Jesus never officially receded this command by the way. You cared more about how your fellow Christians would think of you if you divorced then the dignity of you wife. Frankly your wife deserved a divorce not being cheated on. At this point your punishment seems to be suffer. Frankly it fits the crime. Your wife is not Scott free either. Her choosing not to have physical intimacy with you was a sin too and it brought destruction on her life. Hindsight is 20/20 but if you were going to sin anyway you should have chosen the one he hates (like he doesn't hate any sin by the way) instead of the one he puts the offender to death for. 

By the way in Jesus' time if you wife wouldn't sleep with you you could always marry another. Interesting isn't it. Makes that command a lot easier to follow.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

thisishope said:


> Well, I'm still in the same relationship. Now 60 years old, going on 61. My Doctor says I'm broken hearted. Apparently there is such a thing? bro·ken-heart·edˌbrōkənˈhärdəd/adjective adjective: broken-hearted; adjective: brokenhearted
> overwhelmed by grief or disappointment.
> 
> Guess I don't have the guts to leave. No where to go. No friends as my close friends know about my behavior back then. They have distanced me completely. I get it. My best friend from Grade School passed away and my best friend from High School got infected with TB from a worker coming here from India on a work visa. He was one of two people in his office that tested positive. He's dying from heart failure now. Doctor insists the stress and sadness is killing me. No longer can sleep, he put me on CPAP but still no sleep. Just barely hanging onto my job, probably not for much longer? So that is all.


You have complete control over your own life. Even at 60 you can get a divorce and get un-broken hearted. You can find someone new. There are more women out there your age than men.

I'm 68. I divorced 5 years ago. it was a good move. I'd rather be alone then have to deal with a sexless marriage. In my marriage is was my husband who got to the point of not wanting sex.

You are still alive. Start acting like it. :wink2:


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Pretty sure EleGirl is flirting here. Cougar!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

What woud Jesus do?


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

leon2100 said:


> What woud Jesus do?


Hard to say. Jesus never would have married in the first place.

... unless the revisionists are right and he was nailing Mary Magdalene

(cringes and waits for lightning strike)


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

She did have the "hots" for him! Remember Jesus Christ Superstar and the song "I don't know how to love him" She could have posted that dilemma here 2000 years later.


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## Jus260 (Mar 24, 2016)

EleGirl said:


> You have complete control over your own life. Even at 60 you can get a divorce and get un-broken hearted. You can find someone new. There are more women out there your age than men.
> 
> I'm 68. I divorced 5 years ago. it was a good move. I'd rather be alone then have to deal with a sexless marriage. In my marriage is was my husband who got to the point of not wanting sex.
> 
> You are still alive. Start acting like it. :wink2:



How did you handle the financial aspect of divorce so close to retirement age? That assumes you weren't already retired.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Jus260 said:


> How did you handle the financial aspect of divorce so close to retirement age? That assumes you weren't already retired.


I was not retired at the time. 

Since he was unemployed for a long time, I helped him start a business so he could support himself.

There are smart ways to do things.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Pretty sure EleGirl is flirting here. Cougar!


:lol::rofl:


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

What a depressing thread. But I'm glad you posted back.. you area great reminder of what regret looks like and hopefully others can avoid the mistakes you made. 

Thank GOD I dumped religion and divorced my worthless wife. Good grief. You have ONE life, don't waste it.

For your sake, I hope there is a heaven and it's one big orgy where you can make up for your blown chance at living life to the fullest.

You still should divorce and find a 50 something wife to bang everyday until you die.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

What is it exactly you are dying of? Migraines don't kill you nor does lack of sex.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

leon2100 said:


> She did have the "hots" for him! Remember Jesus Christ Superstar and the song "I don't know how to love him" She could have posted that dilemma here 2000 years later.


Umm, that was a musical not what actually happened!


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Diana7 said:


> Umm, that was a musical not what actually happened!


The musical was fun. The drama club did that way back in high school. But we don't know what actually happened, if anything at all.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

C'mon dude, you've got to get out of the victim chair and own your decisions.

Your wife wouldn't have much sex with you, and being the Christian you are you can't divorce her.

But you're apparently not Christian enough to avoid sex with a 20 year old, effectively killing any chance (which granted was probably miniscule) of improving your sex life with your wife.

You still have reasons you won't leave, so you sit in the victim chair (unattractive by itself) and moan about it.

Have you asked your wife about an open marriage, if you're discreet?

You've made the decision you stick around, so own it and put yourself together. That's what adults do..... they own their decisions.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married but Happy said:


> The musical was fun. The drama club did that way back in high school. But we don't know what actually happened, if anything at all.


Yes it was a great musical, but a lot of it wasn't Biblical.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

lifeistooshort said:


> C'mon dude, you've got to get out of the victim chair and own your decisions.
> 
> Your wife wouldn't have much sex with you, and being the Christian you are you can't divorce her.
> 
> ...


An open marriage isn't an option for a Christian. Faithfulness is vital and adultery is really serious.

To the op I would suggest to your wife that you go to Christian counseling to save the marriage. Her attitude towards you is incredibly selfish. Does she not know that the Bible tells us clearly not to deprive each other of sex? Its cruel.


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Just go bang whoever and you'll still go to heaven if you confess your sins. The asking for forgiveness loophole works for others in the bible.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

GuyInColorado said:


> Just go bang whoever and you'll still go to heaven if you confess your sins. The asking for forgiveness loophole works for others in the bible.


 Not with that attitude it doesn't. Repentance means turning around and not doing it again.


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

Just remember, when you want sex and you are not getting any, it is proper and correct to not be doing well. It should bother you. If you want it but it stops bothering you that you aren't getting it, then you should worry.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

thisishope said:


> Well, I'm still in the same relationship. Now 60 years old, going on 61. My Doctor says I'm broken hearted. Apparently there is such a thing? bro·ken-heart·edˌbrōkənˈhärdəd/adjective adjective: broken-hearted; adjective: brokenhearted
> overwhelmed by grief or disappointment.
> 
> Guess I don't have the guts to leave. No where to go. No friends as my close friends know about my behavior back then. They have distanced me completely. I get it. My best friend from Grade School passed away and my best friend from High School got infected with TB from a worker coming here from India on a work visa. He was one of two people in his office that tested positive. He's dying from heart failure now. Doctor insists the stress and sadness is killing me. No longer can sleep, he put me on CPAP but still no sleep. Just barely hanging onto my job, probably not for much longer? So that is all.


How old is your wife?

I cannot imagine she is very happy either in what seems to be an affectionless and emotionless marriage.
You have nothing to lose by sitting her down and talking about what is happening in your marriage.
Are you still a christian? What about her?
Do you have kids?

Talk to her and tell her what you are telling us.


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## Plan 9 from OS (Jul 13, 2012)

It sounds like his wife was always LD, and the moment he confessed to cheating it was her get out of jail free card to stop any and all sex with her H. Huge win for her. OP is letting his religion ruin his life. Dude, you only got one life to live.


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## leon2100 (May 13, 2015)

the orginal post spoke about sex being infrequent. 

An widow and an widower had just met. As they were getting to know each other the widower began very bold and ask the widow how often did she and her late husband have sex.

Her response was, "infrequent" 

His follow up question: "Is that one word or two words?"


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

How do you reconcile what the bible says about married couples and sex? How does your wife? Are you not SUPPOSED to have sex when you're married? Have the two of you gone to your pastor to discuss this? What does your wife say when you tell her what your dr said?

I don't feel very sorry for either you or your wife. You're both messed.


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