# Was I right to give up on this married man?



## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

A while ago he moved 3000mi from his son & wife, said everything was fine but he left out of selfishness. While they cried for him not to leave, he states he was leading an ex-girlfriend on,telling her to move here w him then said just kidding -and at some point “she tried to kill herself in front of me bc I’m so terrible to everyone. But I totally loved her”

Now admits that he’s never getting divorced but will just do what he wants, but wants no commitment or relationship ever again (but staying married!). Says I’m a very close and special friend. Says his wife and him have zero relationship, but he still ?loves her and ?maybe she’ll come around bc he doesn’t want to be divorced…and he’ll post stuff on his social media account like they’re still happily married… but in meantime he’s talking about sex w me.

Almost every convo we have eventually turns to sex; he calls phone sex “safe sex.” Or asks me to do sexual favors but reminds me he doesn’t have sex often. (Will stone Cold tell me to do sexual favors for him, abruptly in middle of convo, never smiles or kisses me, doesn’t say anything sweet. Goes between this and telling me he feels guilty having sex out of marriage, but even then he’s always sexting me even if he’s not doing it…. 

Tells me to have zero expectations of him and he’s always going to be “Free” (but also married), yet shames me if I go out w another guy w I’m “not loyal”. Tells me he’s a sociopath and cares about no one except his son. Tried to make me think he’s into another woman and posted photo of her saying “so pretty” on a fake account where he knew I knew the username, but no one else in his real life does. So… I got sick of it and sent link to his wife. Then he immediately took it down, guess he has nothing real w that other woman either.


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## Luckylucky (Dec 11, 2020)

Are you having a relationship in person or is this all online? That part’s not clear?


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> A while ago he moved 3000mi from his son & wife, *said everything was fine but he left out of selfishness*. While they cried for him not to leave, he states he was leading an ex-girlfriend on,telling her to move here w him then said just kidding -and at some point “she tried to kill herself in front of me bc I’m so terrible to everyone. But I totally loved her”
> 
> Now admits that he’s never getting divorced but will just do what he wants, but wants no commitment or relationship ever again (but staying married!). Says I’m a very close and special friend. Says his wife and him have zero relationship, but he still ?loves her and ?maybe she’ll come around bc he doesn’t want to be divorced…and he’ll post stuff on his social media account like they’re still happily married… but in meantime he’s talking about sex w me.
> 
> ...


He doesn't care about his son. But he probably is a sociopath. Why do you even need to ask?


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

pistachio0 said:


> A while ago he moved 3000mi from his son & wife, said everything was fine but he left out of selfishness. While they cried for him not to leave, he states he was leading an ex-girlfriend on,telling her to move here w him then said just kidding -and at some point “she tried to kill herself in front of me bc I’m so terrible to everyone. But I totally loved her”
> 
> Now admits that he’s never getting divorced but will just do what he wants, but wants no commitment or relationship ever again (but staying married!). Says I’m a very close and special friend. Says his wife and him have zero relationship, but he still ?loves her and ?maybe she’ll come around bc he doesn’t want to be divorced…and he’ll post stuff on his social media account like they’re still happily married… but in meantime he’s talking about sex w me.
> 
> ...


When people show you who they are, believe them.

Do yourself a huge favor and stay away from married men.

Are you married yourself?


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

Here's an idea... try to meet a single guy!!


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

I feel like plenty of people are in open marriages or only together on paper… then again given how he freaked out when his wife saw 1 photo of us together and made me take it down, and hides any trace of me completely, that doesn’t seem to be their case


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Are you married?


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

How so? Lol


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> How so? Lol


I posted on wrong thread at first. I changed and asked if you are married.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

So, are you?


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

uphillbattle said:


> So, are you?


Not anymore nope


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

Have you seen or heard anything from his wife that would suggest he is separated or has an open relationship?


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

She just said something about how her husband was also playing w me (what’s also?!) when I showed her the sexual garbage messages he sends. However he himself keeps saying he’s never getting divorced and hides everything from Public like wouldn’t even go to a party of mutual friend with me and on his social media just posts his wife and kid and references his family


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

pistachio0 said:


> She just said something about how her husband was also playing w me (what’s also?!) when I showed her the sexual garbage messages he sends. However he himself keeps saying he’s never getting divorced and hides everything from Public like wouldn’t even go to a party of mutual friend with me and on his social media just posts his wife and kid and references his family


Why would you want to date this waste of space? First he's married and it's obvious even if he views he's in an open relationship he isn't happy about being with you. Other wise he wouldn't hide everything. Second wife probably knows but is being told he broke it off with your or something.

Really I don't get this at all. He's basically said he only wants you for a nobody can know **** buddy.

Well guess what you can get a **** buddy who is at least nice to you and probably better in bed.

Yes give up on him. Or more to the point give him the heave ho.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> She just said something about how her husband was also playing w me (what’s also?!) when I showed her the sexual garbage messages he sends. However he himself keeps saying he’s never getting divorced and hides everything from Public like wouldn’t even go to a party of mutual friend with me and on his social media just posts his wife and kid and references his family


WTF why are you even asking? You know the answer. He is garbage.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

Pistachio, you are a *nut* not to walk away.


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

manwithnoname said:


> Pistachio, you are a *nut* not to walk away.


Haha I see what you did there.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

OP, read the title of your thread. Is this a serious question? Why are you even bothering with a married man? Is your self-esteem in the toilet that you think all you deserve are crumbs when he feels like brushing them your way?


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

That guy is a monster! You need to just completely block him and move on with your life.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> OP, read the title of your thread. Is this a serious question? Why are you even bothering with a married man? Is your self-esteem in the toilet that you think all you deserve are crumbs when he feels like brushing them your way?


A married sociopath man!


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

At least you know that you are good enough....for sex. At least for him.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

No one is good enough for this psychopath. Honestly how many of you have ever known a guy to actively tell a woman he was involved with that he is a form of psychopath?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> No one is good enough for this psychopath.


So why the hell are you wasting your time posting about this asshole????


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## Welsh15 (Feb 24, 2014)

He is a real catch. You should spend years of your life with him... SMH


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## Benbutton (Oct 3, 2019)

pistachio0 said:


> No one is good enough for this psychopath. Honestly how many of you have ever known a guy to actively tell a woman he was involved with that he is a form of psychopath?


Only those who found someone willing.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@pistachio0 fire him from your life.

He has messed up his wife, why allow him to mess up you, too?


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Dating a married man will never end well. I'd just go no contact with him. That means to block his phone number, delete him off social media accounts, etc. That will be the only way to really heal and move on with your life.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why are you wasting your time with his man? When you need someone in your life to be supportive of you, it won't be him. He clearly only cares about himself. 

He does sound like a sociopath... a person who just uses others for his own purposes. 

Is this what you want? If so can you explain why?


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

Of course you should not be involved with this married dude. He should be with his family. I know on LS , MW/OWs are coddled and there’s a huge group of others doing the same thing all telling each other that the big bad MM is to blame for your problems but here on TAM, you’re not going to get anyone blowing smoke up your but concerning what you’re doing. You are a grown woman and should know that trying to entice a married dude from his family is so F’d up. please stop wasting your life. Block him on everything and make a pledge with yourself that you will never be any man’s side piece.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Yes.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

I guess if you are that desperate to have an occasional warm body, he is a wonderful fit. If you actually want a man… you’ll have to keep looking. I don’t think you could have picked a worse person to date if you had interviewed for the title. Did you take out an ad? “Wanted: Someone with a penis to treat me like dirt. Experience is preferred.”


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## Ed3n (Sep 25, 2018)

Why even date someone who is married? It seems like you're setting yourself up for heartbreak and disappointment.

Personally, I refuse to date anyone in a relationship, married or dating. I just think it's tacky, and based on dishonesty.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

jsmart said:


> Block him on everything and make a pledge with yourself that you will never be any man’s side piece.


This was always my pledge but he insisted he’d divorce her it was just taking time… then when he admitted he’ll never get divorced bc of the kids, not wanting to give her $, and never wanting to get remarried or have another committed relationship anyhow I assumed I’d change his mind eventually.
But if he is a sociopath like he says and has no problem being stone cold (never a warm hug or kiss or barely even a smile at me ever) and leading a double life… claims he “cares” about me while demanding I delete any photo or comment I make on his social media, bc “I guess you’ve never had sex w a married man before”…. Then what am I going to gain? What would any woman involved w him gain? Even this current one that he claimed to me to be spending time with (and posted photo of her on his fake account)… he was simultaneously asking me for sex and dirty photos…


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

pistachio0 said:


> This was always my pledge but he insisted he’d divorce her it was just taking time… then when he admitted he’ll never get divorced bc of the kids, not wanting to give her $, and never wanting to get remarried or have another committed relationship anyhow I assumed I’d change his mind eventually.
> But if he is a sociopath like he says and has no problem being stone cold (never a warm hug or kiss or barely even a smile at me ever) and leading a double life… claims he “cares” about me while demanding I delete any photo or comment I make on his social media, bc “I guess you’ve never had sex w a married man before”…. Then what am I going to gain? What would any woman involved w him gain? Even this current one that he claimed to me to be spending time with (and posted photo of her on his fake account)… he was simultaneously asking me for sex and dirty photos…


We are in 2021. The days of women acting like they have no agency and are just pawns to the evil man’s will are LONG over. Grab a hold of the reigns of your life and move forward. A guy who’s says he’s divorcing is not single. He is available when the divorce is final. I know women like to play the separation game but if he’s married, then he’s married. Doesn’t matter if they’re living separately.

You are responsible for guarding your own heart. Why even entertain a man that’s separated but still married when the world is loaded with single men that are looking for love. While you give yourself physically and emotionally to a married dude, you will never find mr right. I can only imagine how many guys may have wanted a relationship with you but you’re blind to any advances because your obsessed over another woman’s husband.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Run, don’t walk- away!


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> This was always my pledge but he insisted he’d divorce her it was just taking time… then when he admitted he’ll never get divorced bc of the kids, not wanting to give her $, and never wanting to get remarried or have another committed relationship anyhow I assumed I’d change his mind eventually.
> But if he is a sociopath like he says and has no problem being stone cold (never a warm hug or kiss or barely even a smile at me ever) and leading a double life… claims he “cares” about me while demanding I delete any photo or comment I make on his social media, bc “I guess you’ve never had sex w a married man before”…. Then what am I going to gain? What would any woman involved w him gain? Even this current one that he claimed to me to be spending time with (and posted photo of her on his fake account)… he was simultaneously asking me for sex and dirty photos…


The title of this thread implies you've already given up on him. If that is true, then yes, you were right to give up on him. If not then I think you need to be worried about your own mental health and should try to understand why you would stay in contact with someone like this. If your description is accurate he is garbage. I think you should do some soul searching about why you were with a married man in the first place. Even if he was "getting divorce", he is still married and you are the POSOW.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Married men who cheat often promise to divorce their wives. They rarely do. Even if he did why would you want a man who treats his wife so badly?. 
Find your own man instead of cheating with another womans husband.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Can I be blunt and just say it. Most of what he does and says indicates he sees you as a highly available sex toy. He just doesn't seem to have much interest with you unless it involves phone sex, boob pics and the hookups now and then. 

If you have this man around for entertainment then ok, that's your decision. If you're planning some future or think you have one with him, make sure that future you see is mostly you as a sex toy.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

rugswept said:


> Can I be blunt and just say it. Most of what he does and says indicates he sees you as a highly available sex toy. He just doesn't seem to have much interest with you unless it involves phone sex, boob pics and the hookups now and then.


You’re right on. But why? I’m going to give some superficial facts about myself. I am very successful, in top 1-2% of earners. Thin. Often told I’m very attractive. My exes have been, superficially, excellent catches themselves. And in terms of deeper stuff… I’ve been told by many who’ve seen me w my daughter that I’m an awesome mom. I was always caring to this guy until I started feeling used like a sex toy, but at same time I wasn’t a pushover: I would tell him repeatedly that if he wasn’t going to leave his wife or commit to me then I wasn’t going to be used. So why??
All along he’s pulled back intermittently w sex- would tell me he felt guilty bc he’s married , or just that he wanted to be “in control” and so I couldn’t expect that from him often. But even during all those times he’d text me explicitly and do phone sex.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> You’re right on. But why? I’m going to give some superficial facts about myself. I am very successful, in top 1-2% of earners. Thin. Often told I’m very attractive. My exes have been, superficially, excellent catches themselves. And in terms of deeper stuff… I’ve been told by many who’ve seen me w my daughter that I’m an awesome mom. I was always caring to this guy until I started feeling used like a sex toy, but at same time I wasn’t a pushover: I would tell him repeatedly that if he wasn’t going to leave his wife or commit to me then I wasn’t going to be used. So why??
> All along he’s pulled back intermittently w sex- would tell me he felt guilty bc he’s married , or just that he wanted to be “in control” and so I couldn’t expect that from him often. But even during all those times he’d text me explicitly and do phone sex.


It has nothing to do with you. He is damaged goods. You could be the top catch in the world and it won't change who he is. 

I still think you need to look closely at yourself. The way you describe yourself it would seem you should have no problem finding someone. Why did you pick a married man and what made you think it was okay to be one half of an affair?


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

@pistachio0,

Can I sum this up for you? Love yourself MORE...more than this. Love yourself enough to get away from this guy. His words are just hot air puffing across vocal chords, so I don't care what he says, those words aren't worth much. His ACTIONS, on the other hand, are worth weighing and they say much! His actions say that he is deceptive, unreliable, uncommitted to you or any other person, disrespectful, unkind, uncaring...he's just not a person of quality and high character. 

LOVE YOURSELF MORE -- quit giving your good love to a person of bad character. LOVE YOURSELF MORE by believing you are worth someone whose words and actions *match* (and both words and actions are loving toward you). LOVE YOURSELF MORE by waiting for someone who is confirmed single and available to you 100%. LOVE YOURSELF MORE by only accepting a person of quality and high character as your partner. LOVE YOURSELF MORE by knowing that you are worth honor, honesty, respect, commitment, and lovingcare. LOVE YOURSELF MORE.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> You’re right on. But why? I’m going to give some superficial facts about myself. I am very successful, in top 1-2% of earners. Thin. Often told I’m very attractive. My exes have been, superficially, excellent catches themselves. And in terms of deeper stuff… I’ve been told by many who’ve seen me w my daughter that I’m an awesome mom. I was always caring to this guy until I started feeling used like a sex toy, but at same time I wasn’t a pushover: I would tell him repeatedly that if he wasn’t going to leave his wife or commit to me then I wasn’t going to be used. So why??
> All along he’s pulled back intermittently w sex- would tell me he felt guilty bc he’s married , or just that he wanted to be “in control” and so I couldn’t expect that from him often. But even during all those times he’d text me explicitly and do phone sex.


You may be thin, attractive and rich, but you make terrible decisions. If you have so much going for you then why can't you find your own man instead of going after someone else's?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> I assumed I’d change his mind eventually.


I'd say ^^this^^ pretty much sums it up. He's a sociopath - at least according to you. With that in mind, I'd say you repeatedly asking "why?' boils down to refusing to actually let the truth sink in that you have no control over anyone, including this nut job.

Counseling. I'd recommend you try it.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

pistachio0 said:


> You’re right on. But why? I’m going to give some superficial facts about myself. I am very successful, in top 1-2% of earners. Thin. Often told I’m very attractive. My exes have been, superficially, excellent catches themselves. And in terms of deeper stuff… I’ve been told by many who’ve seen me w my daughter that I’m an awesome mom. I was always caring to this guy until I started feeling used like a sex toy, but at same time I wasn’t a pushover: I would tell him repeatedly that if he wasn’t going to leave his wife or commit to me then I wasn’t going to be used. So why??
> All along he’s pulled back intermittently w sex- would tell me he felt guilty bc he’s married , or just that he wanted to be “in control” and so I couldn’t expect that from him often. But even during all those times he’d text me explicitly and do phone sex.


If you are all of this (which I'm not doubting), why do you think so little of yourself to settle for a married man who treats you as such, followed by the need for perfect strangers to reinforce that fact, only for you to be in disbelief at the state of your 'relationship'?


Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> This was always my pledge but he insisted he’d divorce her it was just taking time… then when he admitted he’ll never get divorced bc of the kids, not wanting to give her $, and never wanting to get remarried or have another committed relationship anyhow I assumed I’d change his mind eventually.
> But if he is a sociopath like he says and has no problem being stone cold (never a warm hug or kiss or barely even a smile at me ever) and leading a double life… claims he “cares” about me while demanding I delete any photo or comment I make on his social media, bc “I guess you’ve never had sex w a married man before”…. Then what am I going to gain? What would any woman involved w him gain? Even this current one that he claimed to me to be spending time with (and posted photo of her on his fake account)… he was simultaneously asking me for sex and dirty photos…


Tell him you can talk when he's divorced, until then, sayonara! 

What attracted you to an unavailable, selfish piece of crap human being anyway? Did you think someone who could disrespect his marriage would respect you? 



pistachio0 said:


> You’re right on. But why? I’m going to give some superficial facts about myself. I am very successful, in top 1-2% of earners. Thin. Often told I’m very attractive. My exes have been, superficially, excellent catches themselves. And in terms of deeper stuff… I’ve been told by many who’ve seen me w my daughter that I’m an awesome mom. I was always caring to this guy until I started feeling used like a sex toy, but at same time I wasn’t a pushover: I would tell him repeatedly that if he wasn’t going to leave his wife or commit to me then I wasn’t going to be used. So why??
> All along he’s pulled back intermittently w sex- would tell me he felt guilty bc he’s married , or just that he wanted to be “in control” and so I couldn’t expect that from him often. But even during all those times he’d text me explicitly and do phone sex.


Why do you think this is the best you can do given all you have going for you? Is he that physically attractive and charismatic you can't resist? 

You have to be an intelligent woman to be that successful, providing you didn't release some sex tapes, so use that intelligence in your personal life. Does your daughter know you're with a married man? What kind of example are you setting for her?


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> I'd say ^^this^^ pretty much sums it up. He's a sociopath - at least according to you.


Not according to me- he told me point blank, on multiple occasions, that he’s a sociopath who feels nothing for anyone but his son. His wife didn’t even seem to care when we spoke… so meh, “ok he’s playing you too, let me know when y’all are going Public.” Was interested when I explained she was dragging their son into the cheating, aka taking him to another girl’s party or so he claimed, but that was about it. 
how many men are so bad that they actually admit having personality disorders?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> Not according to me- he told me point blank, on multiple occasions, that he’s a sociopath who feels nothing for anyone but his son. His wife didn’t even seem to care when we spoke… so meh, “ok he’s playing you too, let me know when y’all are going Public.” Was interested when I explained she was dragging their son into the cheating, aka taking him to another girl’s party or so he claimed, but that was about it.
> how many men are so bad that they actually admit having personality disorders?


Just the one I know of. The dude you are so hung up on you can’t seem to understand he’s not that into you. He just likes crapping on you. And I think you like it too.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> Not according to me-


Sorry, but it IS according to YOU. Why? Because YOU are posting here, not him. Whether you are relaying the data or not is irrelevant. YOU said it here on this forum. 



pistachio0 said:


> ...how many men are so bad that they actually admit having personality disorders?


How many women are so delusional that they get involved with a self-professed sociopath thinking they can "change" his mind about committing to them? Inquiring minds would love to know.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> Not according to me- he told me point blank, on multiple occasions, that he’s a sociopath who feels nothing for anyone but his son. His wife didn’t even seem to care when we spoke… so meh, “ok he’s playing you too, let me know when y’all are going Public.” Was interested when I explained she was dragging their son into the cheating, aka taking him to another girl’s party or so he claimed, but that was about it.
> how many men are so bad that they actually admit having personality disorders?


So he's told you he's a sociopath.
He's married.
Feels nothing for anyone except his son.
You say you're successful.
You're very attractive.
Great mom.
And yet you're tangled up with a marry man KNOWING all the above.

This is NOT about him. He is who he is. He's married to his wife and they have a son. You KNEW this and yet you're still with him.

So in reality you're NOT really "successful" because with all the available single men in the world you think so little of yourself that you've chosen to be involved with a married man.

Your involvement with him could BLOW up his family and shatter his sons world.

And you say you're a good mom? I say bull $h!t!!!

Get into IC because you have NO idea who you are. You value material things and validation from others. You have no boundaries, no respect for yourself, you don't know what truth is and you lie to yourself, you're not a good person because you're messing around with another woman's husband, you're a liar, and what would your child say if they knew you were involved with a married man?

As I said, you can go on and on about this guy, but it's VERY apparent this is NOT about him but you.

Take a really good look at yourself in the mirror.
Do you truly like and respect what you see?
If you were all these things that you claim to be you would NOT think twice about being involved with this guy.

He's a sociopath?
What in the world does it say about you that you're involved with a married sociopath who has a son??

Me thinks you better wake the F up and make some changes in your life and figure out why you're doing this.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

simple question - wouldn't you rather be with a decent guy??

Wouldn't you rather have a normal, healthy relationship with a normal, decent, single person who is capable and willing to have a normal, healthy relationship?


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

pistachio0 said:


> A while ago he moved 3000mi from his son & wife, said everything was fine but he left out of selfishness. While they cried for him not to leave, he states he was leading an ex-girlfriend on,telling her to move here w him then said just kidding -and at some point “she tried to kill herself in front of me bc I’m so terrible to everyone. But I totally loved her”
> 
> Now admits that he’s never getting divorced but will just do what he wants, but wants no commitment or relationship ever again (but staying married!). Says I’m a very close and special friend. Says his wife and him have zero relationship, but he still ?loves her and ?maybe she’ll come around bc he doesn’t want to be divorced…and he’ll post stuff on his social media account like they’re still happily married… but in meantime he’s talking about sex w me.
> 
> ...





pistachio0 said:


> A while ago he moved 3000mi from his son & wife, said everything was fine but he left out of selfishness. While they cried for him not to leave, he states he was leading an ex-girlfriend on,telling her to move here w him then said just kidding -and at some point “she tried to kill herself in front of me bc I’m so terrible to everyone. But I totally loved her”
> 
> Now admits that he’s never getting divorced but will just do what he wants, but wants no commitment or relationship ever again (but staying married!). Says I’m a very close and special friend. Says his wife and him have zero relationship, but he still ?loves her and ?maybe she’ll come around bc he doesn’t want to be divorced…and he’ll post stuff on his social media account like they’re still happily married… but in meantime he’s talking about sex w me.
> 
> ...



The man sounds like a narcissist or just a POS to do this to his family, lovers, etc. How you could want to have anything to do with this man when he tells you point blank to have no expectations, defies all odds, but that's me.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

sideways said:


> What in the world does it say about you that you're involved with a married sociopath who has a son??


People can be in open marriages, or marriages just for image’s sake. Considering he chose to move super far away from his kid and his wife (allegedly) refused to follow, that could be them… but regardless, I guess saying he’s never getting divorced and them continuing to act married on social media doesn’t make him very available for anything except hidden sexcapades. His wife telling me “great, you’re getting played too, let me know when y’all are going public” sounds like “I don’t care bc I’m always going to be the wife and you & the others are just a side piece,” don’t you think?
he also pointed out that if he could move so far from his innocent kid with no remorse than he could do anything selfish to anyone.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

If you are who you claim to be why in the world would you lower yourself to this non-sense? 

Have enough pride and self-respect and faith that you can do better!!

Sorry if I came across too harsh. Sounds like you have a lot going for you and thus why I'm calling you out for settling for this.

You can do WAY better!!

Nip this in the bud and never look back!


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> People can be in open marriages, or marriages just for image’s sake. Considering he chose to move super far away from his kid and his wife (allegedly) refused to follow, that could be them… but regardless, I guess saying he’s never getting divorced and them continuing to act married on social media doesn’t make him very available for anything except hidden sexcapades. *His wife telling me “great, you’re getting played too, let me know when y’all are going public” sounds like “I don’t care bc I’m always going to be the wife and you & the others are just a side piece,” don’t you think?
> he also pointed out that if he could move so far from his innocent kid with no remorse than he could do anything selfish to anyone.*


Do you like being a side ho?

How about a warm body?

He doesn't matter anymore, find your self-respect, lady and remove yourself from this crap! He's shown you who he is, accept it and stop volunteering to be a victim. 

You've taken great pains to tout your accomplishments, but they don't count for anything if you treat yourself like crap and invite others to do so too. You're not a teenager anymore, so grow up!


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> Do you like being a side ho?
> 
> How about a warm body?
> 
> ...


I thought this person looked amazing on paper but I actually think he’s lowly garbage. Whose line to a woman is “I’m a sociopath who cared about no one except my kid”? “I still love my wife and we’re never getting divorced and also please come do (sexual favor) for me right now”? “I will never commit to you or anyone again but you’re a ***** for even seeing another man who might someday”?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> I thought this person looked amazing on paper but I actually think he’s lowly garbage. Whose line to a woman is “I’m a sociopath who cared about no one except my kid”? “I still love my wife and we’re never getting divorced and also please come do (sexual favor) for me right now”? “I will never commit to you or anyone again but you’re a *** for even seeing another man who might someday”?


I'm sorry you had to discover that the hard way, but best you do now than in 20 years. 

This man isn't worth the air around you, block, delete, and forget about him. 

Just remember, the only person you have control over and/or can change is you, so put all that mental energy you spend worrying over him into you.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> I thought this person looked amazing on paper but I actually think he’s lowly garbage. Whose line to a woman is “I’m a sociopath who cared about no one except my kid”? “I still love my wife and we’re never getting divorced and also please come do (sexual favor) for me right now”? “I will never commit to you or anyone again but you’re a *** for even seeing another man who might someday”?



I am starting to see that you are obsessed and completely infatuated with this guy.

The question isn’t whether or not this guy is out of his mind and if his wife is crazy too… it’s why you are so fixated on him, and her, and what they say/think/do.

So tell me. Why?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

pistachio0 said:


> I thought this person looked amazing on paper but I actually think he’s lowly garbage. Whose line to a woman is “I’m a sociopath who cared about no one except my kid”? “I still love my wife and we’re never getting divorced and also please come do (sexual favor) for me right now”? “I will never commit to you or anyone again but you’re a *** for even seeing another man who might someday”?


@pistachio0 you know when he told you he was a sociopath and only cared about his son? That was almost certainly a lie, too, in order to convince you he was, at the heart of it, a decent person.

He sounds like the worst type of used car salesman.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

you know what chills me the most? 
1)when wefirst started talking he quickly and abruptly asked me to come over with the devil emoji. Only when I refused did he start in w this garbage w kiss faces. He just used whatever strategy worked.
2) if he and his wife were truly staying married only on paper then why post photos w their kid calling her beautiful recently on social media…while having sex w me and apparently flirting w other women at same time… doesn’t that right there define him as cheating scum?


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Seek professional help. Seriously.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> you know what chills me the most?
> 1)when wefirst started talking he quickly and abruptly asked me to come over with the devil emoji. Only when I refused did he start in w this garbage w kiss faces. He just used whatever strategy worked.
> 2) if he and his wife were truly staying married only on paper then why post photos w their kid calling her beautiful recently on social media…while having sex w me and apparently flirting w other women at same time… doesn’t that right there define him as cheating scum?


All it takes to get you in the sack is a kissy emoji?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

QuietRiot said:


> All it takes to get you in the sack is a kissy emoji?


I don't think that is what she said. He is a player who uses a variety of techniques to get sexual partners.

Pity she fell for him. But that's his game.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> I don't think that is what she said. He is a player who uses a variety of techniques to get sexual partners.
> 
> Pity she fell for him. But that's his game.


I think he’s pretty honest and straightforward about being a dirtbag. I see no games being played. He literally tells her he wants to use her and he doesn’t give a **** about her. For some strange reason, OP refuses to believe him. 

She’s been willingly screwing a married man who told her from day one he just wants her to service him sexually, and is somehow deeply affected by his emojis…Yes, please get counseling OP. As soon as humanly possible.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He doesn't give a **** about anyone.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

MattMatt said:


> He doesn't give a **** about anyone.


Now now, he gives half a **** about his son. Give credit where credit is due.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

no. I refused his sexual advances for months. Told him he should be separated first. From the first time he made a move it was confusing because his texts had been all sweet w kiss face but when he made a move he just grabbed me with a blank psycho look on his face and when I said I wasn’t comfortable going all the way he pushed and then told me the next day that we should have F’ed. Is that Normal


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

farsidejunky said:


> If you are all of this (which I'm not doubting), why do you think so little of yourself to *settle for a married man *who treats you as such, followed by the need for perfect strangers to reinforce that fact, only for you to be in disbelief at the state of your 'relationship'?
> 
> 
> Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


Ah, don't get me started!!

We can say this is her _obsession_, where reason has little claw-back.

A simple answer might be....

Obsessions _can be_ externally driven, by some other force.
An external force.
The source of .....TBD.

They are not quite planted in a person's mind, but that would be a layman's simple plot.

No sane and rational person would accept this explanation.

Then again, no ancient sane person would think we could talk to another person thousands of miles away, using a plastic device loaded with rare earth metals.

I know....
This notion is preposterous!

We are not!


_The HeadMates-_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

QuietRiot said:


> Now now, he gives half a **** about his son. Give credit where credit is due.


I doubt that he does. It's just for show.

Narcissistic behaviour rather than sociopathic.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

pistachio0 said:


> no. I refused his sexual advances for months. Told him he should be separated first. From the first time he made a move it was confusing because his texts had been all sweet w kiss face but when he made a move he just grabbed me with a blank psycho look on his face and when I said I wasn’t comfortable going all the way he pushed and then told me the next day that we should have F’ed. Is that Normal


No. He is mentally deranged.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

So does he not really care about this other woman?! (He recently did tell me he doesn’t car about her/doesn’t care about anyone and I should know that since he’s a sociopath.) come to think of it, he loves to brag about the situation where his wife was crying for him not to move far away but he temporarily led his ex to believe he wanted her to move w him instead, then he says he sat the two women down together and told him sorry what do you want, I love you both…isn’t telling me that sick and indicative of triangulation? Who does that


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

MattMatt said:


> I don't think that is what she said. He is a player who uses a variety of techniques to get sexual partners.
> 
> Pity she fell for him. But that's his game.


Exactly. He is who he is but the question she needs to be asking is why she went for it?


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> So does he not really care about this other woman?! (He recently did tell me he doesn’t car about her/doesn’t care about anyone and I should know that since he’s a sociopath.) come to think of it, he loves to brag about the situation where his wife was crying for him not to move far away but he temporarily led his ex to believe he wanted her to move w him instead, then he says he sat the two women down together and told him sorry what do you want, I love you both…isn’t telling me that sick and indicative of triangulation? Who does that


Again, he says...who cares.

It's about what you do.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> So does he not really care about this other woman?!


Seek professional help. Now. Seriously.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

It will just help me enormously to understand that he is a psycho who won’t be treating this other woman or the wife he still has and is never leaving any better


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> It will just help me enormously to understand that he is a psycho who won’t be treating this other woman or the wife he still has and is never leaving any better


He is a psycho.

If driving a woman to suicide and leaving the other high and dry while popping in and out of her life for sex is treating them better than you… well, you still need professional help here. In all seriousness. Something is very wrong with your self esteem.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Maybe he just tells me he’s a sociopath and acts cold and unfeeling literally just staring at me and not kissing during sex, to try to get me to walk away but why am I not good enough to be treated better like the other women in his life? I was always there fir him always showed interest but it’s hard to be too emotionallyconnexted when the other person always just stares back like a wall


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

You're wondering why you "weren't good enough to be treated better" by a psycho and a narcissistic man?

What you need to figure out is why you need validation (not just from others) but a whacked out person like this??

Listen to what I'm saying, it would behoove you to STOP putting your focus on this man (trying to figure out who he is and why he does things)!!

You're putting your focus in the wrong direction. Put your focus inward and sort out you and you aren't going to be able to do this on your own. The wisest thing you could do at this juncture is find a great therapist and get into counseling.

Something is broken inside of you and you need to figure it out and get you rewired.

Takes courage to do this.

The cowards way is to ignore it and to keep blaming others and trying to figure them out.

THIS.IS.A.WASTE.OF.YOUR PRECIOUS.TIME!!


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

What don't you understand about this asshole is just using you? 

He will NEVER treat you as well as he treats his wife because you are willing to accept less.

It seems you are intent on proving he is not a sociopath because how could he be when you are so invested in him. Whether he is a true sociopath or that is his game doesn't matter. It is *your* issue that you continue to want a relationship with a married man who treats you like garbage.

Pull your head out of your ass and tell this jerk to pound sand. Block him on all avenues he has to contact you and get yourself into see a psychiatrist. 

And, please no "But, But, But". This thread is already bordering on the Twilight Zone.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

sideways said:


> THIS.IS.A.WASTE.OF.YOUR PRECIOUS.TIME!!


And everyone else's.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

He may treat his wife like garbage as evidenced by actively sexting with me while with her, but at least he sees her & their son as worth posting on his social media once in a while. He even posted this other chick on his fake social media not connected with his name! With me it was always hide, hide, even though I’m telling you I’m honestly very upstanding, professionally successful, and attractive. What was it about me that he would text me sweetly then every time he saw in person stare w me w cold eyes and start sex totally detached? I tried to put my arm around him and every time he’d shove it off and it hurt but he kept texting and wanted to see me so I figured just an emotional issue


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> He may treat his wife like garbage as evidenced by actively sexting with me while with her, but at least he sees her & their son as worth posting on his social media once in a while. He even posted this other chick on his fake social media not connected with his name! With me it was always hide, hide, even though I’m telling you I’m honestly very upstanding, professionally successful, and attractive. What was it about me that he would text me sweetly then every time he saw in person stare w me w cold eyes and start sex totally detached? I tried to put my arm around him and every time he’d shove it off and it hurt but he kept texting and wanted to see me so I figured just an emotional issue


I imagine your friends and family are tired of hearing about you obsessing over this idiot… and have cut you out of their lives.

It’s unfortunate you don’t have any good friends or family left to get you the help you need. It’s up to you now to find it. Good luck.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

pistachio0 .. Thx (and I say that for anyone who didn't) for being forthcoming about things and "taking it" along the way. We have a much better idea who you are. 

It's comes away that you're smart and very accomplished and have found yourself in a very bad relationship. You're hooked and that's why you haven't gotten out a long time ago. That, mixed with a bit of limerence and maybe guilted (?) in.. oh well. 

Here it is: Your weakness (and it's a killer) is that you need some kind of connection from someone else and you're very very easy to bait up and catch. I hate to say it, but you already said essentially that he's schmoozing the other ones the way he did you. Don't you get it? He's got some pick up scheme that works well and you went for it. Solve the why of that and most of your life problems are over. Why did you make this choice so long ago and remained committed to it? You're killing yourself... for what.. him?? 

Yes, he's got psychopathic tendencies. Everything he does is to feed this inside thing and the exterior is just this friendly thing that knows how to manipulate people into being and doing what he wants. A real feeling person could never do that to someone, especially the person they presumably care about.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

@pistachio0 *every *person is right to give up a married man or married woman. 

If they aren't your toys, don't play with them and leave them in the toy box for fear of something unpleasant happening.


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> He may treat his wife like garbage as evidenced by actively sexting with me while with her, but at least he sees her & their son as worth posting on his social media once in a while. He even posted this other chick on his fake social media not connected with his name! With me it was always hide, hide, even though I’m telling you I’m honestly very upstanding, professionally successful, and attractive. What was it about me that he would text me sweetly then every time he saw in person stare w me w cold eyes and start sex totally detached? I tried to put my arm around him and every time he’d shove it off and it hurt but he kept texting and wanted to see me so I figured just an emotional issue


So what?

I see women like you on lovrshack.org OM/OW forum waxing pathetic over married men who treat them like crap.

I don't understand why a woman who claims to have so much going for her needs validation from anyone, much less a loser like this asshat. Have some self-respect please and get some help. You need to believe you're worth more than this.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Well maybe his marriage really is just for show at this point after he ruined it- he says never getting divorced But they’re staying together for the kids, so he doesn’t have to give her his $ etc. For a while I thought he was leading me to believe they have a very bad marriage so I’d be ok having sex w him, but now I’m not so sure… when I messaged her sending screenshots of sexuaL Convos I had w him she was just like “oook… I’m fine you should worry about yourself as you’ve been used also” - and then was like let me know when you guys are public / official thx bye. Only seemed mildly interested when I said he was involving their son in cheating w the Ow (sent the message where he said he was bringing him to “that party in Long Beach”).
WHY would she react like this??? It almost seems like she gave up on him bc he’s garbage but also is cocky knowing he’ll never actually leave her & go public w someone else


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> Well maybe his marriage really is just for show at this point after he ruined it- he says never getting divorced But they’re staying together for the kids, so he doesn’t have to give her his $ etc. For a while I thought he was leading me to believe they have a very bad marriage so I’d be ok having sex w him, but now I’m not so sure… when I messaged her sending screenshots of sexuaL Convos I had w him she was just like “oook… I’m fine you should worry about yourself as you’ve been used also” - and then was like let me know when you guys are public / official thx bye. Only seemed mildly interested when I said he was involving their son in cheating w the Ow (sent the message where he said he was bringing him to “that party in Long Beach”).
> WHY would she react like this??? It almost seems like she gave up on him bc he’s garbage but also is ****y knowing he’ll never actually leave her & go public w someone else


Why do you care what his wife thinks? You seem to be obsessed with this guy and his family, in a very unhealthy way. Why do you think that is?


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Why do you care what his wife thinks? You seem to be obsessed with this guy and his family, in a very unhealthy way. Why do you think that is?


I’m just looking for answers as I’ve spent years of my life loving him and can’t really process what to do next If I don’t have a slightest understanding of WTF just happened. What I do know is
1)people who know him said he’s just playing both me & his wife
2) he refused to ever be seen w me around people who knew him IRL, even at a mutual friend’s party, but was quick to text me right after to “smooth things over” aka I came over for sex, which makes me think he didn’t want to blow his cover
3) he was posting about his “lovely” wife on social media at exact same time of sleeping w me recently
4) his wife didn’t seem to be surprised when I sent her our messages?!
5) he lost his mind when I had 1 photo of us together up on my social media … said that would ruin his family- excuse me, your decision to have sex w me wasn’t it?!
6)deletes casual comments from his insinuating that he and I have ever even hung out or know each other. Once he responded to my post supporting him for something by telling me “thank you, right now I’m at a key investment banking networking event” acting like I didn’t even know where he was


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> I’m just looking for answers as I’ve spent years of my life loving him and can’t really process what to do next If I don’t have a slightest understanding of WTF just happened. What I do know is
> 1)people who know him said he’s just playing both me & his wife
> 2) he refused to ever be seen w me around people who knew him IRL, even at a mutual friend’s party, but was quick to text me right after to “smooth things over” aka I came over for sex, which makes me think he didn’t want to blow his cover
> 3) he was posting about his “lovely” wife on social media at exact same time of sleeping w me recently
> ...


WTF just happened is you got played and you keep showing up for more. 

You sound like a broken record, not the smart, accomplished woman you claim. 

If you don't stop obsessing about the why's and wherefore and get therapy, you'll be keep being treated like a blowup doll for him and men just like him.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> WTF just happened is you got played and you keep showing up for more.


Sure, but got played WHY? Because he is scum? Is that why his wife really didn’t seem to care and was like whatever? Did I not lose a good guy? Will he never be good to a woman? I mean even while he’s claiming to be talking to another “friend” he was sleeping w me and asking me for more sex…


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> Sure, but got played WHY? Because he is scum? Is that why his wife really didn’t seem to care and was like whatever? Did I not lose a good guy? Will he never be good to a woman? I mean even while he’s claiming to be talking to another “friend” he was sleeping w me and asking me for more sex…


Lady, listen to question you just asked....

An "accomplished " woman has more than half a brain...

Who gives a flying fragile rock why? Anyway, you seem to be a machoist. Good luck.


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> Sure, but got played WHY?


Because you let him. He told you what he was and you still said you have to get you some of that. A 3 year old can figure that out.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Because he was seeing me consistently and talking to me about very personal things like feeling he ruined his marriage and did say he’d leave his wife back at one point. I just can’t believe how little his wife seemed to care when we spoke


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> Because he was seeing me consistently and talking to me about very personal things like feeling he ruined his marriage and did say he’d leave his wife back at one point. I just can’t believe how little his wife seemed to care when we spoke


She might be happy to be rid of him, but not ready to act on her own just yet. Maybe you two are right for each other as you both lack morals and sense.


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## Anastasia6 (May 28, 2017)

pistachio0 said:


> Because he was seeing me consistently and talking to me about very personal things like feeling he ruined his marriage and did say he’d leave his wife back at one point. I just can’t believe how little his wife seemed to care when we spoke


This is fairly simple. 
You are his *****. 
He uses you for sex. 
He also uses you to get ego kibbles. 
He likes that you hang on his every text. 
*He isn't a good man. *
You are trying to justify being the other woman but saying maybe the marriage isn't that good. 
Doesn't matter. 
He is a waste of space and is using you. Even if he wasn't married he's not marrying you or if he did he'd find another ***** on the side. *He is not a good man*. He is using the women in his life for sex without really giving anything in return.
Stop trying to turn your lemons into lemonade. Because you don't have lemons. You have a big bag of **** with a name attached and you are never going to make lemonade out of a big bag of ****.

He cares about you posting pictures because people don't brag about their whores. Only to other men but not to their facebook friends.

He does care a small bit about his son. He doesn't want to rock the boat with his wife and he doesn't want his son to see pictures of his ***** and have to explain them now or in the future when he is older and can understand what a piece of **** his dad is being to his mom.

Stop being his *****. Go find a man who isn't married and treats you nice. You deserve better than this. You keep thinking oh I put so much time in and he's so great maybe one day he'll leave his wife and he'll be mine. STOP. Just because he has sex with you over and over doesn't make him some great guy. Many men with have sex with just about any willing woman. So congratz. A man has sex with you and dumps his marital problems on you.

How many times has he fixed your car? Made you coffee? Helped you paint your house? Went grocery shopping with you?


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Anastasia6 said:


> How many times has he fixed your car? Made you coffee? Helped you paint your house? Went grocery shopping with you?


r
Great questions. He would do nothing for me, zero, not even clear his own plate and carry to sink after I made food for us and was trying to juggle carrying my own plate ane baby daughter. And he just plain wasn’t around for everyday life. We’d go to each other’s places or out to restaurants, but he was never ever there to wake up in the morning and make me coffee, stop at store, or celebrate my daughter’s bday or help me get ready for party (he said he avoided my family and friends bc he didn’t want to have to answer questions about what he was doing here far away from his family- that was a real flag to me!).


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> r
> Great questions. He would do nothing for me, zero, not even clear his own plate and carry to sink after I made food for us and was trying to juggle carrying my own plate ane baby daughter. And he just plain wasn’t around for everyday life. We’d go to each other’s places or out to restaurants, but he was never ever there to wake up in the morning and make me coffee, stop at store, or celebrate my daughter’s bday or help me get ready for party (he said he avoided my family and friends bc he didn’t want to have to answer questions about what he was doing here far away from his family- that was a real flag to me!).


You have a baby daughter, that you bring around this guy to witness him treating you like this?!?

I can’t even with you.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> You have a baby daughter, that you bring around this guy to witness him treating you like this?!?
> 
> I can’t even with you.


She’s not a baby anymore. Look, it’s because he would text me something nice about wanting to spend time w her, but then the second I saw him in person it was cold as ice. Ignoring her then once she was put to bed, interrupting me mid sentence (While sitting on couch coldly on opposite end) to say “Why don’t you give me a *** ** now.” 
this Makes me unable to take seriously that he’s committed to his wife, whom he claims he “still loves” and is never divorcing, at the very same time heclaims to be interested in yet another woman. Do you really think this person is capable of any good relationship? Doesn’t he seem a psychopath like he was telling me?


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> She’s not a baby anymore. Look, it’s because he would text me something nice about wanting to spend time w her, but then the second I saw him in person it was cold as ice. Ignoring her then once she was put to bed, interrupting me mid sentence (While sitting on couch coldly on opposite end) to say “Why don’t you give me a *** ** now.”
> this Makes me unable to take seriously that he’s committed to his wife, whom he claims he “still loves” and is never divorcing, at the very same time heclaims to be interested in yet another woman. Do you really think this person is capable of any good relationship? Doesn’t he seem a psychopath like he was telling me?


Listen, the men you pick on your own time due to your self esteem issues is up to you. But that you bring your child into this with a self proclaimed psychopath, that you give this person access to your child is horrific.

Be single. Raise your child. You have no business dating any man because your picker is broken. You are broken. You need immediate mental help.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

QuietRiot said:


> Listen, the men you pick on your own time due to your self esteem issues is up to you. But that you bring your child into this with a self proclaimed psychopath, that you give this person access to your child is horrific.


He would text nice things about her, just act off/cold/detached in person, but it’s not like he was mean to her, just ignored her- I don’t think he can help his disordered interaction style. I’ve never experienced a person who doesn’t kiss or cuddle you and just stares right through you and suddenly tells you to do something for him sexually. Why do I deserve that and the multiple other women in his life don’t? I’m telling you I am a warm, attractive, successful, intelligent woman by all accounts.


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## QuietRiot (Sep 10, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> He would text nice things about her, just act off/cold/detached in person, but it’s not like he was mean to her, just ignored her- I don’t think he can help his disordered interaction style. I’ve never experienced a person who doesn’t kiss or cuddle you and just stares right through you and suddenly tells you to do something for him sexually. Why do I deserve that and the multiple other women in his life don’t? I’m telling you I am a warm, attractive, successful, intelligent woman by all accounts.


Im not going to post to you anymore after this. You are very thick.

YOUR JOB is to raise your child in a healthy environment. You are not a healthy person, and you expose her to PSYCHOPATHS. You are failing at YOUR JOB. Stop with this man, with ALL men and raise your daughter the way she deserves. With a mother who is fully invested in her, not some low life piece of sh!t. PROTECT YOUR CHILD. When she is grown and on her own, then go date these losers and keep yourself busy wondering why they treat you like garbage. This is not what any child deserves for a mother. Fix it.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> Because he was seeing me consistently and talking to me about very personal things like feeling he ruined his marriage and did say he’d leave his wife back at one point. I just can’t believe how little his wife seemed to care when we spoke


It is because she knows how big a piece of **** the guy is and has just decided to live with it for whatever reason. He doesn't love you. You are just a sex toy to be used and kept in the closest for his pleasure when ever he wants it. He has 0 respect for you, probably never has. To him you are just a better option than porn and masturbation. I can't believe in a previous post you wondered if a good guy was getting away. You somehow got suckered into and it is time to let it go. You are really making me wonder if you are as good of a catch as you described yourself.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

BigDaddyNY said:


> You are really making me wonder if you are as good of a catch as you described yourself.


I was wondering ^^this^^ myself. However, it is possible that she's a highly-successful, beautiful, smokin' hot woman. It is also entirely possible that she's into sadomasochism. I mean, that's the type of relationship dynamic it sounds like from what she's described.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> However, it is possible that she's a highly-successful, beautiful, smokin' hot woman. It is also entirely possible that she's into sadomasochism. I mean, that's the type of relationship dynamic it sounds like from what she's described.


Interesting, I’ve definitely thought the same sexually- but when it passes a certain point where I realize I have zero loyalty or commitment, I get turned off and actually angry. I become a version of myself I don’t recognize at the thought of unfaithfulness- which is not paranoia when it comes to a man who 1) is remaining married and 2) tells me he’ll never commit to anyone and is (??) totally free.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> I’ve definitely thought the same sexually- but when it passes a certain point where I realize I have zero loyalty or commitment, I get turned off and actually angry.


Doesn't mean you aren't in a sadomasochistic relationship. It could just mean that you're angry because you aren't getting the responses you expect, the expectations you have of him, or the controlled outcome you desire.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

If this is really my preference then this doesn’t bode well for my life- because the ones who treat me badly are not going to be the ones to wake up to next morning


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## NTA (Mar 28, 2021)

Your thread reminds of the 80s, beck when it seemed accepted that "all the good ones are married," so unmarried women thought it was ok to date married men.

Even Newsweek weighed in with "a woman who has an advance degree has as much of getting married as being victim of a terrorist attack."

All these superficial "positives" you claim to have aren't worth it if you're wasting your time with a married man. 

You should be glad that the betrayed wife doesn't make waves. If it were me, everybody in your place of work elsewhere would know what you do in your spare time.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

NTA said:


> You should be glad that the betrayed wife doesn't make waves. If it were me, everybody in your place of work elsewhere would know what you do in your spare time.


Oh, I never tried to hide it even though he did. Remember his wife got all mad when I posted a photo of he and I online, and he told me he wouldn’t be allowed to see his son bc of it- if they were actually separated then why would that be??
I really don’t think they’re ever getting divorced as 1) he told me they never are, 2) he clearly posted about his “lovely family” using photos of her even while sleeping w me, 3) when I messaged his wife she sounded smug like “good for you, let me know when it’s official, he’s just playing you too” but didn’t say anything like “doesn’t matter, we aren’t together any longer”

if his wife really didn’t care, then why would he have to hide me to the world?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Why oh why do you waste your time with this disgusting man? Any sensible woman would run a mile.
As for his wife, its really none of your business what she says or does.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Well if he really is just staying married for appearances then he’s not so bad. I’m more concerned w why I would be passed over and he’d tell me he’d get another OW- like why would anyone else put up w him when he’s clearly staying married and posts about wife on social media and it’s not like she told me they were separated or getting divorced when I messaged her


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

You 


pistachio0 said:


> Well if he really is just staying married for appearances then he’s not so bad. I’m more concerned w why I would be passed over and he’d tell me he’d get another OW- like why would anyone else put up w him when he’s clearly staying married and posts about wife on social media and it’s not like she told me they were separated or getting divorced when I messaged her


You said it in this post. Why would anyone else put up with him. That's what most of us here are wondering.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

well I agree but it seems his wife is (if she didn’t react angrily or tell me they were getting divorced when I messaged her), and per his claims this OW is too. Now from the looks of it she blocked and defriended hjm on social media so maybe he’s fabricating all this to make me upset too?? But why; why wasn’t I good enough for him to just be with me? Or his wife? He would always call his wife a really good woman and says he was the one who ruined it but why??? Why not just love and be happy? He always makes comments about how he wants to be free and alone where he can’t hurt anyone else


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> well I agree but it seems his wife is (if she didn’t react angrily or tell me they were getting divorced when I messaged her), and per his claims this OW is too. Now from the looks of it she blocked and defriended hjm on social media so maybe he’s fabricating all this to make me upset too?? But why; why wasn’t I good enough for him to just be with me? Or his wife? He would always call his wife a really good woman and says he was the one who ruined it but why??? Why not just love and be happy? He always makes comments about how he wants to be free and alone where he can’t hurt anyone else


because he is a coward, he is invested in you only as so much it does not disturb his real life too much where he will leave or get kicked out. both you and his wife are fighting for a man who has his foot in both worlds which is not sustainable in the long run because either you or his wife will say enough is enough. Let me as you, is this a man you would really want to share a life with, someone who you could trust and have your back? he does not sound like much of a man.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Lostinthought61 said:


> because he is a coward,
> Let me as you, is this a man you would really want to share a life with, someone who you could trust and have your back? he does not sound like much of a man.


Oddly I trust him because he’s been so forthcoming about saying bad things to me- like that he’s a sociopath, doesn’t care about anyone, is never leaving his wife, is selfish and ruined his marriage but will never leave it or get another family, etc. I just thought if I were patient eventually he’d leave his wife and Change all that, but now he devolved into someone who only talks about sex with me and he got all mad that I sent his wife messages between us and also ones w him claiming he was bringing their son around the OW


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> Oddly I trust him because he’s been so forthcoming about saying bad things to me- like that he’s a sociopath, doesn’t care about anyone, is never leaving his wife, is selfish and ruined his marriage but will never leave it or get another family, etc. I just thought if I were patient eventually he’d leave his wife and Change all that, but now he devolved into someone who only talks about sex with me and he got all mad that I sent his wife messages between us and also ones w him claiming he was bringing their son around the OW


The absolute best thing you can do is end this charade. He is married. I have no idea why you are twisting yourself up in knots trying to work out what he means and why he does things when he clearly is a horrible cheating lying person. Why are you letting yourself be used in this way?


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## TXTrini (Oct 2, 2013)

pistachio0 said:


> *Oddly I trust him because he’s been so forthcoming about saying bad things to me- like that he’s a sociopath, doesn’t care about anyone, is never leaving his wife, is selfish and ruined his marriage but will never leave it or get another family, etc.* I just thought if I were patient eventually he’d leave his wife and Change all that, but now he devolved into someone who only talks about sex with me and he got all mad that I sent his wife messages between us and also ones w him claiming he was bringing their son around the OW


Girl, you're screwing with us now. Listen to yourself, you sound completely off your rocker here.

And no, you're not so special he'll change his feathers. You need therapy to get help learning to validate your own worth. There's NO way I can believe your claims now about being a top 1%.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

TXTrini said:


> There's NO way I can believe your claims now about being a top 1%.


I truly am. At least in terms of earnings, professional success, and I don’t think I’m extraordinary attractive but a lot of people have said so. I just wonder if he really was a good guy whose marriage was emotionally over but he has to stay in it for the kids/ public appearances/ his family’s approval, and as he said never getting divorced, but he wanted to commit to me as much as he could but I just wasn’t good enough. And maybe if I were worth it he would have left his marriage after all. I did see some other men but I told him if he isn’t even going to leave his wife or give me any commitment then aren’t I stupid not to do so?


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> I truly am. At least in terms of earnings, professional success, and I don’t think I’m extraordinary attractive but a lot of people have said so. *I just wonder if he really was a good guy* whose marriage was emotionally over but he has to stay in it for the kids/ public appearances/ his family’s approval, and as he said never getting divorced, *but he wanted to commit to me as much as he could* but I just wasn’t good enough. And maybe if I were worth it he would have left his marriage after all. I did see some other men but I told him if he isn’t even going to leave his wife or give me any commitment then aren’t I stupid not to do so?


I repeat what a number of people have already told you. Get yourself some help.

Looking at the part of your comment that I bolded; what evidence do you have that he is a good guy? I've read your entire thread and I have not seen you mention anything. Why would you think he is a good guy when all of the evidence suggests otherwise? It sounds more like you want to live in a world of self delusion.

Look at the second part I bolded; what evidence do you have that he wanted to commit to you? He couldn't even commit to treating you as a human. If he could not treat you decently, how could he commit more to you? He literally used you as a tool for himself.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> I truly am. At least in terms of earnings, professional success, and I don’t think I’m extraordinary attractive but a lot of people have said so. I just wonder if he really was a good guy whose marriage was emotionally over but he has to stay in it for the kids/ public appearances/ his family’s approval, and as he said never getting divorced, but he wanted to commit to me as much as he could but I just wasn’t good enough. And maybe if I were worth it he would have left his marriage after all. I did see some other men but I told him if he isn’t even going to leave his wife or give me any commitment then aren’t I stupid not to do so?


Having lots of money really isnt everything.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

leftfield said:


> If he could not treat you decently, how could he commit more to you? He literally used you as a tool for himself.


Well The reason I think he’s good is that he was honest, told me he would never commit to anyone as a partner or relationship again, but that he cared about me. And spending so much time with me, seeing me and talking to me, how could he not really care? Although almost every single phone convo ever ended in phone sex; and he’d ask where I was and If I wasn’t alone at home he’d tell me to call him once I was.
You don’t think he’s actually a decent guy and just treated me like a sex toy because I’m not good enough? I really honestly have been told a lot that I’m attractive and I’m very successful and high earning or whatever superficial stuff. And have been told I’m an awesome mom to my daughter. I tried my best to be good to him but when he stayed married and continually told me he didn’t want commitment I did see other people and admitted that when he asked. He acted like I’d done something wrong even though he was the one married saying he’ll never get divorced and doesn’t ever want another relationship


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> Well The reason I think he’s good is that he was honest, told me he would never commit to anyone as a partner or relationship again, but that he cared about me. And spending so much time with me, seeing me and talking to me, how could he not really care? Although almost every single phone convo ever ended in phone sex; and he’d ask where I was and If I wasn’t alone at home he’d tell me to call him once I was.
> You don’t think he’s actually a decent guy and just treated me like a sex toy because I’m not good enough? I really honestly have been told a lot that I’m attractive and I’m very successful and high earning or whatever superficial stuff. And have been told I’m an awesome mom to my daughter. I tried my best to be good to him but when he stayed married and continually told me he didn’t want commitment I did see other people and admitted that when he asked. He acted like I’d done something wrong even though he was the one married saying he’ll never get divorced and doesn’t ever want another relationship


Well here is part of your problem. You have decided that honesty = good man. That is a false equivalency. Honesty is only one part of a good man. Maybe this guy is 10% of a good man because he is honest. The other 90% of him is horrible (and I don't use that word lightly). In this case he is not really honest ether. He kept telling you the he wanted to commit to you, which was a lie. So, in truth you found a man that was 100% bad.

He spent so much time on you because that was the price he had to pay to get into your pants. End of story, it was not because he cared about you. 

If you are as attractive as people tell you, then you know there are lots of men who will spend time with you, and talk to you, and . . . . . And many of those men would actually care about you, but you ended up with someone who does not care about you and only wanted to use you. This is why you need professional help. 

To answer your last question; he treated you like a sex toy because he could. He wanted to do it and you allowed it. Period. End of story. Has nothing to do with being good enough, or worth it, etc.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

leftfield said:


> Well here is part of your problem. You have decided that honesty = good man. That is a false equivalency. Honesty is only one part of a good man. Maybe this guy is 10% of a good man because he is honest. The other 90% of him is horrible (and I don't use that word lightly). In this case he is not really honest ether. He kept telling you the he wanted to commit to you, which was a lie. So, in truth you found a man that was 100% bad.
> 
> He spent so much time on you because that was the price he had to pay to get into your pants. End of story, it was not because he cared about you.


Good points. Almost every single time we got together there was sex, and he was never helping w my daughter or around the house, staying the night, getting me coffee in morning. Never once held my hand or put his arm around me. But it just chills me that someone who’s so honest about their bad side, even calling themselves a sociopath, must have felt very close to me. But when he wasn’t leaving his wife and never discussed commitment to me I felt I was a fool to see no other men


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> Well The reason I think he’s good is that he was honest, told me he would never commit to anyone as a partner or relationship again, but that he cared about me. And spending so much time with me, seeing me and talking to me, how could he not really care? Although almost every single phone convo ever ended in phone sex; and he’d ask where I was and If I wasn’t alone at home he’d tell me to call him once I was.
> You don’t think he’s actually a decent guy and just treated me like a sex toy because I’m not good enough? I really honestly have been told a lot that I’m attractive and I’m very successful and high earning or whatever superficial stuff. And have been told I’m an awesome mom to my daughter. I tried my best to be good to him but when he stayed married and continually told me he didn’t want commitment I did see other people and admitted that when he asked. He acted like I’d done something wrong even though he was the one married saying he’ll never get divorced and doesn’t ever want another relationship


You know, the way you keep defending him tells me you are in love with him. Just go with it. He's probably your best option. I'm sure if there is anything really wrong with him you could fix him. It seems like he is your soulmate.

Is that what you've been waiting to hear? If not, I'm not sure why you keep going on and on about trying to figure this guy out. It is simple, he has a game he plays and you are part of it. That's all. Being honest is just part of that game. You can never say that he didn't tell you that you are just a replaceable piece of ass. Then he will screw any woman that falls for his ridiculous schtick.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> It is simple, he has a game he plays and you are part of it. That's all. Being honest is just part of that game. You can never say that he didn't tell you that you are just a replaceable piece of ass. Then he will screw any woman that falls for his ridiculous schtick.


But why did he decide to telll me there was some other woman he’s been “friends” with a long time whom he doesn’t want for sex but just thinks is so lovely and wants “her”? He got me really upset, said they’d agreed not to hang out with other guys/girls until they could get together in person again. BUT at the same time kept seeing me both in public and for sex, and sexted me all the time. So how special could she be? Would keep claiming he was bringing his son to a party w her bc she already knew son from being a babysitter for him & his wife … but in the same convo would try to make plans w me for sex, ask me for sexy photos and say he’ll see me again soon. Also, why would he even tell me? Sick satisfaction/game playing rather than being honest?

His inconsistencies leave me totally baffled. He’ll tell me he doesn’t want me and no longer wishes to have sex w me or anyone because he wants to be free of its clutches or something… then in the VERY SAME convo will start sexting and asking me for sexy photos.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> But why did he decide to telll me there was some other woman he’s been “friends” with a long time whom he doesn’t want for sex but just thinks is so lovely and wants “her”? He got me really upset, *said they’d agreed not to hang out with other guys/girls until they could get together in person again. BUT at the same time kept seeing me both in public and for sex, and sexted me all the time.* So how special could she be? Would keep claiming he was bringing his son to a party w her bc she already knew son from being a babysitter for him & his wife … but in the same convo would try to make plans w me for sex, ask me for sexy photos and say he’ll see me again soon. Also, why would he even tell me? Sick satisfaction/game playing rather than being honest?
> 
> His inconsistencies leave me totally baffled. He’ll tell me *he doesn’t want me and no longer wishes to have sex w me or anyone because he wants to be free of its clutches or something… then in the VERY SAME convo will start sexting and asking me for sexy photos*.


Do you know what the word honest means? Read what I have bolded in your last post. If he was telling you the truth, then he was lying to her. In truth he was probably lying to both of you. Look at your very last sentence. He couldn't even tell the truth for the length of a single conversation. It would help your sanity if you just assumed he was lying everytime he opened his mouth


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> But why did he decide to telll me there was some other woman he’s been “friends” with a long time whom he doesn’t want for sex but just thinks is so lovely and wants “her”? He got me really upset, said they’d agreed not to hang out with other guys/girls until they could get together in person again. BUT at the same time kept seeing me both in public and for sex, and sexted me all the time. So how special could she be? Would keep claiming he was bringing his son to a party w her bc she already knew son from being a babysitter for him & his wife … but in the same convo would try to make plans w me for sex, ask me for sexy photos and say he’ll see me again soon. *Also, why would he even tell me? Sick satisfaction/game playing rather than being honest?*
> 
> His inconsistencies leave me totally baffled. He’ll tell me he doesn’t want me and no longer wishes to have sex w me or anyone because he wants to be free of its clutches or something… then in the VERY SAME convo will start sexting and asking me for sexy photos.


One more thing from your last comment. He did this to keep you in your place, so you could not expect more from him. He wanted you as a side piece, and he made sure that is where you stayed.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

But isn’t everyone just a side piece to him? After all he was sexting me and asking when we could meet again simultaneously while allegedly hanging out w this other woman who lives back near his wife and kid. And if he’s never getting divorced then we are all side pieces by definition


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## TriX (May 10, 2021)

Just caught up with your thread.

From what you have posted, it looks like you love a challenge, and he intrigues you. You keep asking; 'why am I not good enough for him?' He knows this will keep you on the hook, and he has been reeling you in (and you willing stay on the hook).

You are waiting (in vain) to say, 'P, you are all the woman I need and want.' so that you have 'closure', and can ride off into the sunset happily with him.

You secretly get off on this twisted dynamic. The thrill of the chase. The way he demeans and humiliates you.

You know that this is not going to end well, right? You will be older, pining away for someone who does not care for you, because in your screwed up mind, you still want to 'win' him (the Booby Prize). You will never 'win' him, and as long as you blinker yourself to this, you will be forever caught in this destructive dynamic. He knows your Achilles Heel, and is exploiting it to the max, and you love it.

If you are still in a relationship with you, this twisted thinking can pass on to your daughter, and she may end up in a situation like you, as you are showing her that it is alright.

Until you wake up, all I can say is, 'Good luck!'


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

I think there’s a lot of truth to that. But is there some way in which I’m simply not good enough and can improve? Because then I’d have to ask why his wife who he said was great, his son, etc weren’t good enough for him not to leave.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> I think there’s a lot of truth to that. But is there some way in which I’m simply not good enough and can improve? Because then I’d have to ask why his wife who he said was great, his son, etc weren’t good enough for him not to leave.


Its a game, you've been played. You aren't good enough to make him leave his wife, never were, never will be. You're just a pawn in his game and you will never, ever figure him out. Why would you even want to? The best thing you can do to improve is to analyze how you were so stupid and blind that you fell for this guy. You should also get some counseling to understand why you are so obsessed with this man.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> Its a game, you've been played. You aren't good enough to make him leave his wife, never were, never will be. You're just a pawn in his game and you will never, ever figure him out.


yet his wife doesn’t seem to want anything to do w him- just reacted to my msg like oook, you’re being played too, let me know when something is made public! So how much could he really love her or be good to her? She didn’t at all seem surprised by my msg and according to Him she’s previously thrown him out for planning to bring an ex GF here then going back last minute


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> yet his wife doesn’t seem to want anything to do w him- just reacted to my msg like oook, you’re being played too, let me know when something is made public! So how much could he really love her or be good to her? She didn’t at all seem surprised by my msg and according to Him she’s previously thrown him out for planning to bring an ex GF here then going back last minute


He doesn't really love her, she is just another pawn in his game. She has chosen to stay because of his financial support. She knows who he is and is living with it. Looks like you are considering just living with it too. Maybe you wish you were in his wife's position.


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## sideways (Apr 12, 2016)

This guy showed you time and again who and what he is. For some crazy reason you're having a hard time BELIEVING him.

Why are you pissing away precious time trying to figure this out?

Following your thread it's VERY apparent that this isn't about him but you.

That you were involved and accepting this psycho should SCREAM to you to get help. There's obviously something off about you and any guy that has his $H!T together is going to see this and will eventually bail.

I'm not trying to be mean, but again something is broken inside of you. It behooves you to get into IC to figure out what's going on. If you don't you're going to continue making the same mistakes over and over and it doesn't have to be this way.

The first step is to STOP trying to figure this guy out and use the time to figure out you.


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

1) You feel he's a good man because he's honest.

2) You feel he's an honest man because he told you outright that he had major mental health issues.

Do you see that everything other than HIS mental health issues is about YOUR problem with skewed perception and obsession when it comes to him?

3) Half of your posts are "but he told me", "he said, he said this, he said blah".

See above 1 & 2, then re-read 3.

Why, why, why are you listening to, placing ANY weight on, the words of a person with mental health issues? Why do you allow his clearly distorted words and thinking to eat you alive? 

I don't know how you're going to break this cycle until you have this aha moment. 

I truly wish you the best of luck untangling yourself from this.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Quad73 said:


> 1) You feel he's a good man because he's honest.
> 
> 2) You feel he's an honest man because he told you outright that he had major mental health issues.
> 
> ...





Quad73 said:


> Why, why, why are you listening to, placing ANY weight on, the words of a person with mental health issues? Why do you allow his clearly distorted words and thinking to eat you alive?


The only thing giving me any clarity is that he directly contradicts himself firsthand to me- tells me in the same conversation that he doesn’t want me sexually and doesn’t need sex, then starts sexting me and asking when we can have sex. Tells me he still loves his wife at the same time we are sexually involved. Tells me he & some OW have agreed not to see people of opposite sex until they can meet again, but then not only sees me but also has sex with me.


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> The only thing giving me any clarity is that he directly contradicts himself firsthand to me- tells me in the same conversation that he doesn’t want me sexually and doesn’t need sex, then starts sexting me and asking when we can have sex. Tells me he still loves his wife at the same time we are sexually involved. Tells me he & some OW have agreed not to see people of opposite sex until they can meet again, but then not only sees me but also has sex with me.


He's just a liar. You'll never be able to tell what is truth or fiction. Just LET HIM GO!


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

I am now convinced that pistache is in for life until that cheating lying user and abuser is dead. And pistache will still be agonizing on how he ignored her and never left anyone for her. Pistach will never get it: whether he leaves the wife or not, he's never teaming up with pistach for anything except dial up, part time menu sex. 

Pistache is a cheater's dream. Totally committed, totally ok with being shutout of her lying scum cheater's life. Pistach is very will and accepts all the stupid explanations and is always ready to come right back. No one can end this but pistach. A truly lost cause.

Pistache: you're in love with the wrong person.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

rugswept said:


> Pistache is a cheater's dream. Totally committed, totally ok with being shutout of her lying scum cheater's life. Pistach is very will and accepts all the stupid explanations and is always ready to come right back. No one can end this but pistach. A truly lost cause.


I always did- like when he refused to go to a party with me, one of the bosses at our old financial firm, I got upset about being hidden and his response was like “I can’t ever have a serious relationship, I’m married” then was all kiss emojis and oh I should be making you happy and next thing I knew I was over his place for sex. Or the time he gaslighted me, I said oh you’re going away for Vday weekend with a friend I thought we could celebrate, and he was like “I told you we could only have something casual and not a serious relationship and you sad that was fine.” But in between, lots of comments about how I was much more than a friend and special to him… over text… in person he was always cold and the sex was cold and he wouldn’t so much as hold my hand. We went on a trip together and he stayed as far away from me in bed as possible and pushed me away… yet could have sex w me repeatedly just fine??? What was that??? He said he had memories of his wife and felt guilty and that’s why he couldn’t. And I guess he is staying married… but she doesn’t seem to want much to do w him given her messages to me and reference multiple women being played by him so wtf?


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## CrAzYdOgLaDy (Mar 22, 2021)

You keep asking yourself why aren't you good enough for him? You are actually too good for him. The only thing that matters to this man is what's between his legs. These type of men will have sex if offered to him on a plate. Don't offer him anymore and have more respect for yourself. Show him you are better than he ever will be. He's already an a*se for cheating on his wife, and you being the mistress is no better. The decent thing to do would be to walk away and find a man who isn't married or attached, engaged, in serious relationship. Unless you prefer married men? If so why?

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark


YNWA


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## uphillbattle (Aug 17, 2011)

pistachio0 said:


> Good points. Almost every single time we got together there was sex, and he was never helping w my daughter or around the house, staying the night, getting me coffee in morning. Never once held my hand or put his arm around me. But it just chills me that someone who’s so honest about their bad side, even calling themselves a sociopath, must have felt very close to me. But when he wasn’t leaving his wife and never discussed commitment to me I felt I was a fool to see no other men


So you are a living breathing blow up doll to him.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

CrAzYdOgLaDy said:


> You keep asking yourself why aren't you good enough for him? You are actually too good for him. The only thing that matters to this man is what's between his legs.


I wanted to be more than just a sex toy. In fact there were months where he said we can only ever be friends and he stopped sleeping w me and would see me frequently just to spend time… but he was his usual cold and detached - it wasn’t like, we aren’t having sex but I’m still going to be romantic or warm toward you- which he actually never was. Then suddenly one day he texts me for sex “as a friend.” I said I wanted to share that with someone who could give me more, and he was just like well then that’s your choice. We slept together again though.
One day I noticed that random girl was liking all his social media and asked about her, he said just a friend but I persisted, then he had some story about how he liked her romantically, then he later told me he made it up but was just looking for a way to get me to move on/ expect nothing from him. Incidentally it looked like she then removed / blocked him from social media. Later on he told me they were back in contact, it seemed, as a direct reaction to me saying I’d been seeing other men - he was angry even though I said, you told me a million times we’d only be friends and to move on! Posted some photos of her on his fake social media (fake name, no one from his real life follows him on it)… then when I reshared the post where people he might know IRL could see it, he took it down. So I highly doubt there’s anything real w her


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

@pistachio0 You really come off as a fool. Every post makes you look more foolish, stupid and mental than the previous post. It would be in your best interest to stop posting here.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

BigDaddyNY said:


> @pistachio0 You really come off as a fool. Every post makes you look more foolish, stupid and mental than the previous post. It would be in your best interest to stop posting here.


I appreciate the feedback- what makes me loo foolish? That I ever associated w this?


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> I appreciate the feedback- what makes me loo foolish? That I ever associated w this?


Your NON-STOP obsessing over a total POS man, searching for just one shred of evidence that he is really a man you want to be with, so you can stick with him, or maybe avoid the realization that you got duped by him. Who knows, I don't think you even know why. You site one bad behavior after another, over and over again. Only to spout excuse after excuse for this man. He is a bad seed period. He is not husband material, not BF material, but you just can't stop thinking about him. And you start the whole circle over again. You manage to come up with yet one more example of his crappy behavior, then AGAIN end it with an excuse, "highly doubt there’s anything real w her." You are beginning to look as bad as him, maybe worse because you are trying to rationalize his irrational behavior.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

I’m bored and don’t feel like working so I read through this train wreck. Maybe I missed it, but what is so great about this guy other than that he makes himself unobtainable?

In almost every way he seems like a piece of crap, but the fact you can’t get him to commit makes him somehow irresistible to you?

If you’re all that and a bag of chips IRL it shouldn’t be a big problem to find a man that isn’t married and will commit to you, but maybe that’s not fun or as challenging as trying to break this guy?


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Op, how about you make a decision to never get involved with a married man. Would you like it if you were married and your husband cheated on you?


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> If you’re all that and a bag of chips IRL it shouldn’t be a big problem to find a man that isn’t married and will commit to you, but maybe that’s not fun or as challenging as trying to break this guy?


Exactly. This. I was married myself and looked great on paper but it always felt super empty. Terrible sex, he had no confidence, self proclaimed workaholic 24/7 , when he wasn’t coming up w new projects he was talking to me about them, and said his favorite activity to do w me was us working on work side by side. 

i need chemistry and a challenge but this new guy feels toxic , so unpredictable and awful, some days feels guilty about sex bc married but says he wants to spend time w me but he’s so cold detached and absentonce actually together… other days interrupting me mid sentence to literally tell me to b**w him… it’s like a lot of steps too far. People who know me well IRL say I could have basically anyone but I’ve never tried for anything where I have both attraction and a healthy dynamic. I just think if it seems healthy I won’t want it. And no my dad isn’t a bad dad or husband whatsoever. Exact opposite


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> Exactly. This. I was married myself and looked great on paper but it always felt super empty. Terrible sex, he had no confidence, self proclaimed workaholic 24/7 , when he wasn’t coming up w new projects he was talking to me about them, and said his favorite activity to do w me was us working on work side by side.
> 
> i need chemistry and a challenge but this new guy feels toxic , so unpredictable and awful, some days feels guilty about sex bc married but says he wants to spend time w me but he’s so cold detached and absentonce actually together… other days interrupting me mid sentence to literally tell me to b**w him… it’s like a lot of steps too far. People who know me well IRL say I could have basically anyone but I’ve never tried for anything where I have both attraction and a healthy dynamic. I just think if it seems healthy I won’t want it. And no my dad isn’t a bad dad or husband whatsoever. Exact opposite


Do you read the things you post? You just posted; "*I just think if it seems healthy I won’t want it.*" really? Reeeaaallyy??? You are indicating that you want a dysfunctional relationship. That is what you want? Why? Why would anyone choose to have a dysfunctional relationship?

You need to get into counciling and figure yourself out. If you do not want to figure out your issues, just avoid relationships until your daughter is old enough to move out. Do not let your issues ruin her life.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

pistachio0 said:


> Exactly. This.


Yeah. I think the issue would be if you actually broke this guy and had him wrapped around your finger he’d immediately become boring and you’d be looking for the next challenge.

So maybe enjoy what you have?


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## Quad73 (May 10, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> The only thing giving me any clarity is that he directly contradicts himself firsthand to me- tells me in the same conversation that he doesn’t want me sexually and doesn’t need sex, then starts sexting me and asking when we can have sex. Tells me he still loves his wife at the same time we are sexually involved. Tells me he & some OW have agreed not to see people of opposite sex until they can meet again, but then not only sees me but also has sex with me.


He said this, he said that, he said, he said again. It's running though your thread obsessively. 

... and yet, somehow, you have convinced yourself that the things he says are, even if completely contradictory, are part of his highly attractive "honestly".

But by your own words above, and your own experience, he is a continuously manipulative liar, with a high likelihood of mental health issues.

So what he says is MEANINGLESS.
It has NO meaning. 

I feel very badly for you. 

Somehow, you have to stop placing meaning on what he says and come back to reality. That may take therapy. 

Can you look up CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)? It helps people like yourself explore more realistic explanations to what they sincerely believe they're experiencing as "truth".


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Quad73 said:


> He said this, he said that, he said, he said again. It's running though your thread obsessively.
> 
> ... and yet, somehow, you have convinced yourself that the things he says are, even if completely contradictory, are part of his highly attractive "honestly".
> 
> ...


Thanks for your response. Maybe I should look at cold hard facts. Not what he says in text messages.
From the start, he was detached with sex. No hand holding or arm around me-
would actively push mine away. Barely kissed me. would never stay the night. 
Social media: occasionally posted photos of his wife and son. Hid me (and this OW, I noticed at 1 point she’d removed and blocked him). Hid me in real life, to the point he wouldn’t ride directly from work to a coworker’s party w me when we were leaving work at same time. When I expressed I was offended, his response was a random “well I’m never going to be able to have a relationship because I need to visit my son with all my time off.” Huh? Then within 2 hours I was at his place having sex. Despite words telling me just wished to spend time with me and my daughter,the end result would be him not even acknowledging her presence … and then she goes to sleep, he sits far away from me on couch then suddenly asks me to do a sexual favor for him, interrupting me when I’m midsentence. Then leaves.

the whole time, I always felt there was this huge strange disconnect btwn what he said in texts and how he acted in person. Example: after a year of him showing no signs of him leaving his wife, he said we should get together and have a discussion and work everything out. In person I refernece this and he says “discuss what? Huh?” When I was upset he said flatly “but you’re still going to have sex w me right?” Then would go months st a time not having sex w me bc he felt “guilty”…
So then why not leave your wife… such a mindf**k


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

'The frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current. Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"
The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drowning frog's back.
"I could not help myself. It is my nature."
Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.' 
source: http://allaboutfrogs.org/stories/scorpion.html

If you know of this story, your repetitive questioning reminded me of the frog questioning the scorpion before crossing the river. And despite allowing yourself to be drowned, you keep going back for more mistreatment rather than being the frog that says 'Eff this' and blocks all contact and gets yourself straightened out and swimming healthily solo / without him.

Where the funk is your critical thinking? And I mean for yourself ...not for what he or his wife or whoever else does or does not do.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Have you EVER considered just posing questions solely about YOU? Not you vis-a-vis this man. Not why he does what he does. Not using him as the locus/focal point for your musings?

What about you? What do you feel is wrong with YOU? Are you capable of posting one single thing that isn't in relation to this man but is solely about you?

Because from where I'm sitting you are coming across as rather nutty. Do you have an identity aside from this man? If so, what is it? And, no, I don't mean that crap that you're brilliant, wildly successful, wealthy, and drop-dead gorgeous. 

Who are YOU?


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

Prodigal said:


> Who are YOU?


It takes a lot to make me feel attached or connected to someone. I just feel bored, not impressed, like I’m just sitting there slowly dying. So when I find that rare person, I’m willing to put up with “bad” treatment as I think that’s what actually generates the highs (and lows) I crave so much. If someone is nice and emotionally available then I equate that w being needy, and say they’re with me just so they can have someone and I’m not really special to them, and then I don’t find them the least bit attractive and don’t want them in my space


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

Bottom line. He's married. Don't be THAT woman. The OW. Just don't.

Sounds like you aren't into marriage, so you need to find someone single who is like minded and stay away from commitment.


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

drencrom said:


> Bottom line. He's married. Don't be THAT woman. The OW. Just don't.


But if they’re only married for the kids/public appearances… but even when he was trying to hook me he’d always insist “I’m never going to commit or be available for a relationship w anyone else. I will always have limits.” I guess that was code for “never getting divorced only looking for a mistress”? So what about this new OW where he’d tell me he really liked her then later say he exaggerated them being old friends just to make a point to me not to expect anything from him? Really do none of us have any chance?


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

OP I think you should be happy with the chase.

Let’s say he divorced his wife and stopped trolling you with other maybe females and made a real commitment to you.

Would this actually make you happy or would you be bored that he’s “normal”? At that point he has submitted to you, would that submission make him lame and boring?

Maybe what you need to do is the opposite of trying to lock him down, instead find another bad boy type who doesn’t want to be broken and troll the current guy with the new one. Imagine how exciting that could be!


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

ccpowerslave said:


> Maybe what you need to do is the opposite of trying to lock him down, instead find another bad boy type who doesn’t want to be broken and troll the current guy with the new one. Imagine how exciting that could be!


Been there, tried that. I would admit to him I was seeing other guys after he told me repeatedly he didn’t want a relationship (and worse yet, was still married). The result was that he’d get upset and it’d generate highly sexually charged conversation. But then he’d make me feel badly, calling me disloyal, and it made no sense since I reminded him he was the one who didn’t want to step up and commit, meet my family or friends, etc. What I really want is to feel passionately about him but be able to be public. But after being led on & told he’s divorcing, all of a sudden I got told he’d never be more than a friend and he felt guilty about sex.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

pistachio0 said:


> ...... What I really want is to feel passionately about him but be able to be public. .....


Apparently you can have one of these things with this guy (lord knows why), but you will never have the second item. 

That leaves you with 2 options:
1. Feel passionately for this guy (he will never feel anything for you) and let him continue to use. He will not go public with you.
2. Move on and find another guy.

It seems that you really want to make choice #1. Why all the hand wringing about it?


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> But if they’re only married for the kids/public appearances


Thats because he wants his cake and eat it too, and the reason he CAN have it both is because women like you make themselves available. I guarantee you, sex is all he wants. It doesn't even have to be with you. He is a POS cheater.

And in any case, it doesn't matter if the man is married only for appearances. Being the OW is not a good look or a way to have any type of self respect. There is just as much stigma for OW/OM as there is the cheaters themselves. Again, don't be THAT woman.




> So what about this new OW where he’d tell me he really liked her then later say he exaggerated them being old friends just to make a point to me not to expect anything from him? Really do none of us have any chance?


Why would you even want to fight for a cake eating, cheating piece of garbage like him? No, none of you have a chance. He is getting the milk without buying the cow.

Move on. Find someone available.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

ccpowerslave said:


> Let’s say he divorced his wife and stopped trolling you with other maybe females and made a real commitment to you.


He is cheating with multiple women. If he left his wife to be with @pistachio0 he'd end up cheating on her too. This guy sounds like a real son of a b***.


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## drencrom (Jul 1, 2021)

pistachio0 said:


> Been there, tried that. I would admit to him I was seeing other guys after he told me repeatedly he didn’t want a relationship (and worse yet, was still married). The result was that he’d get upset and it’d generate highly sexually charged conversation. But then he’d make me feel badly, *calling me disloyal*


Oh thats rich, the cake eating multi-cheater saying you are disloyal.

Again, move on. Ditch this bastard.


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## rugswept (May 8, 2019)

Is this Pistach a spoof? Hopefully some of the other big timers on TAM should take a look at this whole thing and see if it holds up.

If this is no spoof, then Pistach has confessed on multiple times in different ways her extreme flaw into being guilted.

Pistach can _*always*_ be guilted back to him and then guilted into doing anything he wants. At times she is then left there so she can leave. There is absolutely nothing coming from him in return. 

Dialup followed by menu. That's not much of a relationship.

She has to ask herself "why do I need this (fake) emotional feeling from this man that I could go back to him and do all this?". And then when I get there he's so loving he reminds me of the last codfish I ran into. And, he wants "things".


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## pistachio0 (Mar 6, 2020)

drencrom said:


> Oh thats rich, the cake eating multi-cheater saying you are disloyal.


That was my reaction too! His response was well my wife and I have no romantic or sexual relationship. But I said if you aren’t committing to me/calling me your gf and are married then aren’t I stupid to not see other people?
While it mostly seemed he was just out for sex (how else do you interpret someone walking in and talking to you for maybe 10 min, telling you to hook up w them, then leaving and not staying the night and barely kissing o r being at all romantic?), the confusion comes from how his texts would be different. But even then he might say I was beautiful but would always slip in things like “I’ll never be able to be in a real relationship w anyone because there will always be limits”- I guess that is being married and always having to hide any other woman from public view?. 
i got most confused when he’d withdraw sex and say he felt guilty. Because then If he continued to spend time w me then it must be about more than just sex.But does it really matter if he wiii never give me a real relationship? And he’d have all these sudden breakthrough bursts where he’d be very dirty and ask me about having no strings attached sex. So what does that say about his character if he could flip back and forth so impulsively? Probably that he’d cheat on me?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The OP has been banned. Sorry folks.


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