# Pulling myself out of denial



## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

18 years in a completely miserable marriage. I don't know how I'm still there. It's so dysfunctional and my children pay the price.

I've made excuses for him for years, but it always comes to the same conclusion. He's just a self-centered, immature, boy who throws fits of rage when things aren't going his way. My daughter has learned these same behaviors. That is the most unforgivable thing in all of it, but there is a very long list. Nobody has ever treated me so poorly in all my life. What the hell have I been doing all these years? I feel foolish and weak.

I recently went no contact with my 4 1/2 year EA (20 days now), but HE was NOT the toxic one in my life. I need to be NC with my angry, selifsh, ungrateful, hateful husband. He's hateful to his family (the kids and myself) behind closed doors, but such a fake to the outside world. I'd have been so much better off a single mom.

Someone on another forum set me straight. I think this site is sometimes too geared to keeping a marriage together. A marriage is only a marriage if there is love. Otherwise, what's the point? Some people should not be married because they have no intention of thinking of anyone but themselves.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

So, what are you doing to try to understand why you stayed in such a dysfunctional relationship for so long?

C


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## hehasmyheart (Mar 11, 2010)

PBear said:


> So, what are you doing to try to understand why you stayed in such a dysfunctional relationship for so long?
> 
> C


Yes, that is something I need to work on. I'm a very passive person, and I put everyone else before me. He takes advantage of it, probably sees it as weak and pathetic. I'm going to go back to IC, one that deals with narcissistic personality and codependency.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

You've had your AH-HA moment, now make your plan to get out.


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