# Rapid turn around



## confusedmedgirl (Nov 1, 2013)

I'm gonna give my background story and I want honest advice back. No holding back. We have known each other for over a yr but only been together for a few months. We got together in June. Split in late July and during that time I got back with my ex. Keep in my mind that this was not the reason for leaving him at all. But yes it did happen. Things did not work with my ex and we got back together in mid September. We married on Sunday 3 wks ago. Since we said I do he has begun to tell me that he has not forgiven me for leaving him, and that he does not trust me not to do it again, or to be around my ex. However my ex and I have children so it is unavoidable to see him. My husband has began fighting with me daily worsening over the last 5. Sunday night we fought from3pm-10pm when we finally just stopped and went to bed m-t it has been the same way. fighting from the time i get home from work until we go to bed. I have done nothing to make him believe that I would leave but his fear has led to this. But not there is an aggressive temper involved. He gets in my face and screams at me and also punched a hole in our bedroom wall during the fight on Sunday night. I grew up around violence and this worries me bc when a person has trouble controlling their anger it can easily escalate into an abussive relationship. During our fighting I am seeing a lot that I disagree with about him and a lot I d not like. There were a lot of good times too, don't get me wrong. If not I would not have married him. But his agression really scares me. Please tell me what to do?


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

Well in theory, you had an affair and moved in with another man...in theory. That is what you H is reacting to on a purely emotional level. He can't trust you right now. I suggest you post in the Coping with Infedelity section. Although I don't believe your sitch is an example of Infedelity, they way through this is to treat it like it was just that. They will help you much better there, than here.


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## IndecisionIsTorture (Oct 9, 2013)

Am I understanding this timeline correctly?

June: Start dating current husband.
July: Break up
July/August: Move back in with ex-husband and try to reconcile.
Sept: Break up with ex-husband, get back together with current husband.
Oct: Marry current husband.

Wow.


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## PAgirl (Sep 10, 2013)

IndecisionIsTorture said:


> Am I understanding this timeline correctly?
> 
> June: Start dating current husband.
> July: Break up
> ...


My reaction too! Crazy!:scratchhead:


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## confusedmedgirl (Nov 1, 2013)

Well it was no where near an affair. We didn't even live together when we split and I began seeing my ex. And even when I did get back with him i didn't move in with him either. I see your point, kinda. I know he is hurt. But if he didn't trust me and was only going to become aggressive with me then why marry me.


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## confusedmedgirl (Nov 1, 2013)

Yes the timeline is right. And yes, crazy!


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

confusedmedgirl said:


> Well it was no where near an affair. We didn't even live together when we split and I began seeing my ex. And even when I did get back with him i didn't move in with him either. I see your point, kinda. I know he is hurt. But if he didn't trust me and was only going to become aggressive with me then why marry me.


Now that you are his wife, there is an unstated and lots of times unrecognized notion of belonging. You know...husband and wife become one... Maybe, and suspect this to be true other wise I would suggest it, he had no idea it was going to hit him this hard.

I agree with you, technically, this was no affair and technically, you did not cheat. But feelings aren't always based on reality and his reality is that his wife had a short relationship with another man just before he married her. Come on, you have to recognize how that must make him feel?


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

Get an annulment. You've been married for 5 minutes and are already afraid he's going to hit you someday.


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## confusedmedgirl (Nov 1, 2013)

norajane said:


> Get an annulment. You've been married for 5 minutes and are already afraid he's going to hit you someday.


That right there is my biggest reason for considering divorce. I grew up seeing abuse. I know that if he cannot control his temper now and hits walls bc i disagree with him then it is only a matter of time before it gets worse. I can't trust that it won't and i don't want to take that risk.


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## confusedmedgirl (Nov 1, 2013)

Anon Pink said:


> Now that you are his wife, there is an unstated and lots of times unrecognized notion of belonging. You know...husband and wife become one... Maybe, and suspect this to be true other wise I would suggest it, he had no idea it was going to hit him this hard.
> 
> I agree with you, technically, this was no affair and technically, you did not cheat. But feelings aren't always based on reality and his reality is that his wife had a short relationship with another man just before he married her. Come on, you have to recognize how that must make him feel?


I do see your point.


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## Rugs (Apr 12, 2013)

Get out before you have kids with your current husband.


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## confusedmedgirl (Nov 1, 2013)

Rugs said:


> Get out before you have kids with your current husband.


He can't have kids. vasectomy


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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

confusedmedgirl said:


> Yes the timeline is right. And yes, crazy!


Wow-that is a story!!


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## tainted (Aug 16, 2013)

How old are you and your husband. What was the reasons you broke up with him and your ex? Are those problems still present? 

I can't ask you if husband was like this before because i don't believe you know him ...... AT ALL.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

norajane said:


> Get an annulment. You've been married for 5 minutes and are already afraid he's going to hit you someday.


Can't say anything more than this.


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## IndecisionIsTorture (Oct 9, 2013)

confusedmedgirl said:


> Yes the timeline is right. And yes, crazy!


Why did you decide to get married so quickly in light of the fact that a few months ago you felt strongly enough that you might want to work things out with your ex-H?

Honestly, based on what you've written here, and without knowing anything else about you, it seems to me you have some issues with regards to relationships you need to sort through and understand.

Is it co-dependency or fear of being alone, or something else?


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Well, we can question the past all day long, but the fact is that they did marry incredibly fast and with a ton of baggage along the way.

I'd say you both need to get into marriage counseling immediately. Without it, I think divorce is the only possible end result. It sounds like you are sort of in denial for how your actions impact him, but he seems incredibly posessive as well.

I mean, you both were dating for 4-7 weeks before breaking up. Then you restarted things with your ex for another 5-8 weeks, then got back together with your (now husband) for a few weeks before getting married. Yeah... wow that is crazy. But nonetheless, if you want to save it at all, you've gotta get a 3rd party involved (like a marriage counselor, pastor, etc.) because it's very clear that things won't get better alone.


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## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

Its going to be highly unlikely with your track record that you will be able to fix this situation. You set yourself up to fail from the very beginning. 

Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and he dumped you and got back with his ex then left her to marry you. Would you feel secure with him being around her? Would you honestly feel you could trust him ever? 

Your choices have led you into this mess. If you want to stay married you need to set boundaries and rules between you and him and you and your ex. 

 You need to set down with him and assure him you will do nothing alone with your x with out him being around. No Txting No calls. You have to establish a base line to build trust. 

The next thing you need to do is get him into counseling and address his anger. 

I wish you the best in this. 

Clay


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