# Im going crazy



## Stu (May 18, 2012)

Hi All

ok Im a hot Blooded half Italian good looking guy that likes to keep himself fit and I gym 5 times a week and have a very strict diet that I follow. I got married about 1 year and a few months ago. My wife was a virgin when we got married and always said no sex before marriage, which I respected. So come wedding night and ... you guessed it "Im too tired" was the answer, so off we go on honeymoon which I was sooooooo looking forward to and yup all my efforts resulted in nothing and fights. So now I think we have had sex maybe 3 times in the entire year and a few months that we have been married. Im only allowed one position, no foreplay or anything and It goes on for like 3-5min(if Im lucky) and then she says I must stop . The problem I've got is I've always had a very active sexlife ever since I was 17 I love her lots but this is just crazy, Im always the one to have to initiate but usualy get turned down. 
I find myself thinking about my x's a lot but cant bring myself to cheat on her. Really dont know what to do


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

Why do you think she married you?
What does she get out of the relationship?
Does she want kids?
Does she 'just want to be married'?

You need to have a pretty full and frank discussion with her about this - this is not all about her and what she wants, you're supposed to be a partnership now

I just don't get what's in it for either of you really...

this is why (and I know there are those here who fundamentally don't agree with me) I would NEVER marry someone without sleeping with them first. Because when this happens you're stuck aren't you? 

You can't bring yourself to cheat yet but it's only been just over a year
Give yourself another six months or so of this and we'll be having a different conversation I guarantee it!


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## Stu (May 18, 2012)

yes she wants kids sometime - Ive promised not to use roids until we have a kid but ya the way things are going Im thinking of just pumping myself up and hitting the gym hard - stuff this


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Stu,

For the love of God, DO NOT have children with this woman! Children RARELY help increase the frequency or variety of a couples sex life. They typically have the opposite affect!

It seems very obvious that the two of you are polar opposites when it comes to sex. You are a High Drive (HD) individual and she is a Low Drive (LD).

Keep reading in TAM and you'll find many stories (both men and women) who are paired with their polar opposites and what it's done to them.

Some have worked through it (actually very few I think), some have divorced over it and most are just stuck. They're stuck because of kids, financial straights or their overwhelmimg sense of duty to uphold their wedding vows. Others are stuck because like you, we "love them lots" and they seem perfect in all other ways for us. Some of us are just too old to move on at this point in our lives.

The best thing I can tell you to do is to talk to her about this and then get the two of you into therapy ASAP.

While I realize she doesn't have any sexual experience before you and that she may be self-conscious about her body and her performance, this is something you need to get past soon!

There are HD women out there and LD men out there too. Perhaps the long run answer may be to free each other from each other's unrealistic expectations about sex


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Let me give some advice since you are young and I am old(er).
Get a divorce or an annullment. I know this sounds harsh... 

Consider two "projects" you could do to improve your Life. Project 1 would be to get this wife to be way more sexual and responsive to your needs. Project 2 would be divorce and find someone who is already wired this way. Neither have a guarantee of success, but Project 1 is MUCH HARDER and MUCH LESS CHANCE of being successful.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Don't make kids with this woman until she figures out how to be a wife. Right now, you only have a piece of legal paper and maybe some emotional attachment on your part anchoring you to her. Nobody can play tennis by themselves. Nothing in your post suggests she gives a rat's behind about your needs. The problem is not that you're accustomed to functioning as the normal adult male that God designed you. The problem is she signed up to be a partner in a marriage but she remains content to attend only to her own needs. Marriage (and love) is about putting another's needs above your own. There is no room for a passenger in a marriage. Three times a year ought to be a felony.


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## Dollystanford (Mar 14, 2012)

and don't just stuff yourself with roids - that will hardly help the situation

if it's really as helpless as it seems you need to end it and now before the resentment grows any further


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## 7737 (Feb 10, 2011)

Stu......Read my lips (as a famous President one said!!) DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HER. please. 

If you do and TAM is still here in 6 years time you will be back complaining of a sexless marriage, cant divorce because of the children etc. 
Forget trying to work out why etc....just cut her loose and start afresh.

Dolly has a very valid point....whilst sex isn't everything in a marriage it is an intergral part...before you tie the knot you need to find out if you are sexually compatible because if you arent...you're buggered. If you'll excuse the pun!


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