# I want her to tell someone



## friendwhowantstohelp (Apr 8, 2010)

My friend has filed for divorce recently. Her husband is upset and takes no responsibility for their marriage dissolving. She has told me that he forced himself on her sexually earlier in the year, even though she refused and repeatedly said no. Recently, he forced himself on her again, only this time he sodomized her. The very next night, he tried to force himself on her again, without success this time because he was drunk. He has become very angry with her since then and she is afraid of him. She has small children in the home and doesn't want the traumatize them with calling the police to report a rape/sodomy. I told her she should tell this to her lawyer, but she is embarrassed. I have no experience in divorce proceedings, but I think she needs to have him removed from the home before he really hurts her. Has anyone experienced anything like this, and if so, what advice would you give? I want to protect my friend.
Thanks


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## momof6girls (Jan 11, 2010)

we think we are shielding our children but are we really? PFA depending on the state you are in she can do with by going to the court and they will serve him notice. some men don't take this nicely and you read sad stories in the paper all the time but giving in will only hurt or end her life in the end.
sadly women feel we are protecting our children and in the end they see what is happening and it hurts them more.
but you can't help her she has to help her self be there for her to talk to, look in your area and see if there is a group that will help get her out with the kids till she can be strong.


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## sisters359 (Apr 9, 2009)

Please tell your friend to call a women's hotline. She is being abused and deserves protection. She'll get advice from people who know what they are talking about, and perhaps they will get her to take the kids and leave. 

You can call, too, for advice on how you can help. God bless.


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## OneMarriedGuy (Apr 5, 2010)

Yeah I think showing our children that no really does mean no is a good thing to do.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

She is embarrassed? She did NOTHING wrong. Her husband is raping her!!!!! She needs to contact the police....right now!!!!!! Trauma? Their mother is being RAPED by their father. She has NOTHING to be embarrassed about. Nothing. She needs a restraining order as of yesterday. Please, please help her follow through with this. He sounds like a really scary person.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

The children will not understand it anyway. She cannot be a good mother for them if something happens to her. Find a woman's shelter and take her there to talk to someone.


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## Q*bert (Mar 30, 2010)

Obviously, reporting it to the police would be best, but I agree with advising her to call a women's hotline. 

I'd start with suggesting a domestic abuse hotline, since "rape hotline" may put her off. The domestic violence center will surely have experience in matters like this. Plus, there may be more going on than your friend is telling you.

Additionally, she should realize that reporting this will only stregnthen her case in divorce court, especially when it comes to child custody. The child custody issue alone may be enough to push her into reporting it.

Most importantly, keep being a good friend that she can talk to. She is lucky to have you there for her.


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## Affaircare (Jan 11, 2010)

I would suggest R.A.I.N.N. That stands for the Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, but RAINN sounds nicer. She can call 1-800-656-HOPE and speak to a trained hotline assistant or they also have a new features that's an online hotline--so she could talk to someone via a private chat. They will help her figure out "if it was rape or not" and will help her find the help that wants to find and is ready to find (know what I mean)? They are a national group but have the information to every local area. In fact, you could call there too and get information about how to help a friend recover from sexual assault. 

They have answers to questions about recovering from sexual assault, information about medical issues, explanations of the criminal justice system, and what to expect if it's reported to the police, and referrals to resources in your area! 

I would encourage her to at least call them or go online. It is completely free, completely confidential, and she is given the power to make up her own mind about what she wants to do and when. Giving HER that power is very important.


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