# HELP....alcohol



## Verushkita (Apr 30, 2012)

i don't know if I'm dealing with an alcoholic or not? my husband use to be a funny drunk, declaring his love to me, and/or his friends....but now....5 years into marriage, he is a d!Ck when he drinks. i don't want to be around him, and i usually steer clear of him. when he gets too drunk which is possibly once every couple of months, he gets nasty with the comments, and it's pure ugly anger that spews out of him.

so yesterday he said that the girls where going to spend the night with our nanny and that after work (he a had training thing) he was going to grab a few beers (his training ended at 4pm) with his friend Rich (at Rich's house, who also did the training, is a great guy, and married to Jen, a great girl, wife, mother, friend). i said okay as i was working until 7pm.

before i left from work, i speak with my husband on the phone and he says he still there and not ready to leave...so i said okay, i thought we could meet up for dinner but that i could call his niece (she's very close to us) and see if she wanted to meet me for dinner. she did and so i had dinner with her.

my husband calls us and asks niece to come to Rich and Jen's house and she loves her uncle so i said fine.

lo and behold, he is a d!Ck to my niece, instead of me, and while i feel awful that he is going there, because she's his favorite niece, and she does a lot for us when we need help with our girls or we are in bind. i feel relief that i'm not bearing the brunt of his d!Ck!ness.

he ended up leaving and my niece was very upset and embarrassed that said and spoke to her the way he did. i had to drive her home, as we came together, and try to tell her, i'm sorry and i wish he hadn't said/done that.

so now i have to address this with my husband and i'm a little scared because i don't know how to approach him.

he has done and mostly said some pretty messed up things to me when he drinks, but like i said, he doesn't drink every day, but when he does, it's unbearable.

how do i handle this?????


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

if he's only getting drunk once every few months then he's probably not an alcoholic
but what is drunk to you? how often is he drinking and how much does he consume?

regardless if it's alcoholism or not, he clearly has a problem as to when he does drink therefore I think abstinence is the best path for him


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## Verushkita (Apr 30, 2012)

he wasn't so drunk yesterday, be he was just very mean to his niece (she's related to him); but he has gotten drunk before where he has done things like....pee in the girls crib, come home with a black eye, thrown things....and just things that have really scared me.

he turned 40 late last year. i really do think he needs to stop drinking altogether....it's like poison for him.

i don't know much about dealing with alcoholics, i'm not a huge drinker, i could without drinking quite easily. and since i been with my husband, i enjoy drinking less and less.


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## rebecca31 (May 29, 2013)

Hi I am in a similar situation. My husband of 3 years is wonderful when sober however when he drinks he binge drinks. This leads to him been nasty to me and embarrassing. He then tries to blame me and I never get a proper apology. I don't ever want to go out with with him now as I am scared he will kick off. Last month he smashed the house up. I don't want to leave but don't really know what to do.
Sorry not very helpful


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

Did you marry him knowing he had an alcohol problem? Have you had an alcohol problem yourself? Do you drink? I think this is important. I have a relative in a similar situation and his wife drinks but her drinking isn't "as bad". However, it does keep the alcohol in the home and makes it virtually impossible to talk to him about because he can always say, "but you drink, too". 

Last year she was pregnant and needed to quit drinking altogether. During this time she was able to put her foot down and not allow alcohol in the home. He tried to quit for a while but ended up going out to drink with friends. At least she had a leg to stand on as she began to tell others about the problems she was facing with his alcohol abuse.

From the symptoms you described, he is an alcoholic. He cannot control his drinking and abuses it (gets drunk) regularly. I would completely quit drinking yourself, and then make a stand against his alcoholism. He needs to know you are not going to put up with his irresponsible behavior. You have to lay down the law. But you need some help doing this. Don't try to do it alone. You need to get some others on board in the family or friends who understand what you are about to do. He needs to get into a program (like Schick Shadel). The biggest problem is that so many people have issues with alcohol and yet they think it is just normal and no big deal. They will justify their alcoholism left and right. But there is no justification for alcohol abuse.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

rebecca31 said:


> Hi I am in a similar situation. My husband of 3 years is wonderful when sober however when he drinks he binge drinks. This leads to him been nasty to me and embarrassing. He then tries to blame me and I never get a proper apology. I don't ever want to go out with with him now as I am scared he will kick off. Last month he smashed the house up. I don't want to leave but don't really know what to do.
> Sorry not very helpful


Was he a drinker when you married him? Do you drink? Answering these two questions will help determine what you need to do.


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## eyuop (Apr 7, 2013)

Verushkita said:


> he wasn't so drunk yesterday, be he was just very mean to his niece (she's related to him); but he has gotten drunk before where he has done things like....pee in the girls crib, come home with a black eye, thrown things....and just things that have really scared me.
> 
> he turned 40 late last year. i really do think he needs to stop drinking altogether....it's like poison for him.
> 
> i don't know much about dealing with alcoholics, i'm not a huge drinker, i could without drinking quite easily. and since i been with my husband, i enjoy drinking less and less.


You need to quit drinking altogether yourself if you have any hope of helping him deal with his problem. I don't know how many times a person meets their SO in a bar or night club while both he and she are drinking, they get married, and then expect the other to quit because it becomes an issue. Millions of examples of this out there. Or maybe zillions.


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