# Logging activity data



## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

If you found out your spouse was logging sexual data on their diary and could tell you everything you both did over the last three or more years, what would be your response and why?

Good
Bad
indifferent
Freaky
Other


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

All the above, but the reason would be more interesting, as to why?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

You have strange friends.


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## hubbyintrubby (Jul 5, 2019)

My STBXW used to do this. She has a very analytical mind and she did it for that reason alone, or so she said. She had symbols and circles and everything mapped out based on what activity had been done.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> You have strange friends.


Why do you find it strange? What comes to your mind when you find your spouse logging data.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

I'd probably help her in making an Excel chart (they were never her forte).


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

MaiChi said:


> Why do you find it strange? What comes to your mind when you find your spouse logging data.


I find it strange that you have so many friends who talk about their sex lives. Unless, you're talking about your husband or yourself. Are you?


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> I find it strange that you have so many friends who talk about their sex lives. Unless, you're talking about your husband or yourself. Are you?


I see. OK let me come clean. Just after we got married my husband came across an article which was about a charity raising money for helping couples who could not have babies. The idea was that if you already had babies you would pay a pound each time you had sex and then submit the money to the charity at the end of the month. 

Well, we tried everything, but we just could not get pregnant for the first three years and few months. Afterwards, I got I started logging the data but we could not find the charity's details as we had not kept them. So I just carried on logging. Then after some time I stopped. Then when we discussed how we used to be 11 years before and how were were then we could not agree on the difference. So I went back to my diaries of then and checked. Then I started logging again without telling my husband. Then on Sunday he found out my pile of diaries and says he was tempted to read them and found summaries totals at end of one in 2016. Figures were different from 2007 like I had said to him. 

So that is why I wanted to know if your reaction would be different or same as his.


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

MaiChi said:


> Why do you find it strange? What comes to your mind when you find your spouse logging data.


Physic time, cool....


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

Reversed ....


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## Tilted 1 (Jul 23, 2019)

I think people are mostly genuine, and want to be upfront with most things, and it does open communication with vigor on occasions. It shows some more than others are receptive. Nicely done BL.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

My wife does this. At least she's not the only one I guess... 

I don't really think much of it. Is it a bit weird? Yeah, a little, but she has her own reasons and beyond that I don't give it much thought.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

bobert said:


> My wife does this. At least she's not the only one I guess...
> 
> I don't really think much of it. Is it a bit weird? Yeah, a little, but she has her own reasons and beyond that I don't give it much thought.


Does she score you out of ten?😂


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I'd be put off. Just because: my sex life with a partner is a living, real life physical experience between us and to boil it down to numbers and/or logged encounters on paper changes it from something only as a real life experience only between us to a log.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Livvie said:


> I'd be put off. Just because: my sex life with a partner is a living, real life physical experience between us and to boil it down to numbers and/or logged encounters on paper changes it from something only as a real life experience only between us to a log.


Like I said it all started as an interest to help others after we had had the long problem. But we never paid the fee of a pound a time since we could not find the charity. 

There only thing I can do from figures is to say how many times we did it as that was the only required statistic. There is no break down of constituent activities in that so all there is is a tick. But in 20016 I stopped using diaries and now use a tablet but carried on ticking on the tablet. He uses my tablet at times and had seen the markers but was no aware what they meant.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

Just put a pound in a jar every time you do it. Then give the money to a charity when you are ready. But If using a diary is your thing, good for you.

This reminds me of a marriage counseling cassette tape i heard when I was a teen. One of things the counselor said was, if you put a penny in a jar every time you have sex for the first two years of your marriage, then you take a penny out each time you have sex after that.; you will still have pennies left when one of you passes away. Yeah right, I don't know what planet he lives on.

From my own perspective; if I found my wife was doing this I would ask for a yearly break down and then set the goal of having my best year yet.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

MaiChi said:


> If you found out your spouse was logging sexual data on their diary and could tell you everything you both did over the last three or more years, what would be your response and why?
> 
> Good
> Bad
> ...


Could you be a little more specific on what sexual data entails?

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Livvie said:


> I'd be put off. Just because: my sex life with a partner is a living, real life physical experience between us and to boil it down to numbers and/or logged encounters on paper changes it from something only as a real life experience only between us to a log.


You do realize that significant changes in one's sex life can indicate several health issues, right?

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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

Andy1001 said:


> Does she score you out of ten?😂


Thankfully, no... 

Someone JUST logging the days or how often they are having sex doesn't seem totally out there to me and wouldn't shock me. Kind of seems like important info to know or keep track of, no? Whether for health reasons or marriage reasons. Though, if you need it I guess you already know there is a problem. 

On top of what my wife writes down, she updates an app every time we have sex and she's done that for years. Started when we were trying to conceive and she still does it. It does get rid of any discrepancies...

Wife: "We haven't had sex in 10 days!" Me: "We did the other day" Wife: "Hold on" then pulls out her phone and opens the damn app, "HA! See!".


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

So, what was his reaction? Was he defensive or going "I'm de man"?


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > I'd be put off. Just because: my sex life with a partner is a living, real life physical experience between us and to boil it down to numbers and/or logged encounters on paper changes it from something only as a real life experience only between us to a log.
> ...


Since I'm an intelligent adult, yes I do realize that.

You do realize that you can notice a significant change in your sex life without keeping a written log about it, right?


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

maquiscat said:


> Could you be a little more specific on what sexual data entails?
> 
> Sent from my cp3705A using Tapatalk


The charity's suggestion was put a pound in each time you have sex and then give the money to a charity that supports fertility at end of month. 

So the data I started collecting after we had a baby was a tick on the relevant page each time we had sex. Nothing complex, just a tick on the page and if two ticks then ...

If no tick then it meant it had not happened.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

There are two examples of reactions to this that come to mind.
The guy who kept track of the reasons his wife gave him for rejecting her initiations, then presented her with the excel sheet on her way to vacation without him. She was not pleased.
Then there was the time I told my wife we hadn't had sex for over 47 days and was wondering if that part of our life had ended. She said she hadn't noticed. . . . I was not pleased.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Livvie said:


> Since I'm an intelligent adult, yes I do realize that.
> 
> You do realize that you can notice a significant change in your sex life without keeping a written log about it, right?


Speak for yourself. There are many who don't readily recognize such patterns. Whether it's in our sex lives or other areas, if we don't log it we lose track. Just today I finally remembered to call my doctor for my checkup and blood screening. I hadn't realized it had been 4 years since I had last seen them or since I have had a sex partner outside my wives. 

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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

MaiChi said:


> The charity's suggestion was put a pound in each time you have sex and then give the money to a charity that supports fertility at end of month.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


When I first read the OP, I wasn't sure if you were talking about number of times, types of activity, or even porn sites visited. I did glean what from later post though, bit I appreciate the response back.

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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > Since I'm an intelligent adult, yes I do realize that.
> ...


Well, I was SPEAKING FOR MYSELF in reply to OPs question. You decided to *pick on me* because of my reply to OP regarding my opinion.

My answer to OP asking for opinions on sex logging stands.

I don't care if other people need to log ****ing their partner or not ****ing their partner in order to see a pattern. My feeling about it is unchanged, and the only person who needs to care about my opinion is my sex partner. Stop replying to me.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

So my wife had a fit-bit for years and since I am in charge of all technology and blunt instruments, I kept the app for it on my phone. The app had a nice calendar that among other things kept track of fertility. There were icons for all related events so you could keep track of them. Those included protected sex and unprotected sex. Based on that scant evidence, I don't think it is that unacceptable to women (in general) to keep a record. BUT, I've seen plenty of reactions like Livvie's. 

In defence of record keeping here are some quotes:
If you didn't write it down it didn't happen. Tom Clancy regarding medical research.
If you don't write it down, you will forget. Ibrahim Diallo
"The Only Difference Between Screwing Around and Science Is Writing It Down" - the 2012 MythBusters episode, Bouncing Bullet.

The answer to this is commonly it wasn't research or science. But when you do need to present evidence to your medical specialist it is a good idea to present science, because that is their training.
The problem with the "I feel comfortably warm about it" statement is that the partner may be having a totally different feeling about it. At least have a feeling check every now and again.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Livvie said:


> Well, I was SPEAKING FOR MYSELF in reply to OPs question. You decided to *pick on me* because of my reply to OP regarding my opinion.
> 
> My answer to OP asking for opinions on sex logging stands.
> 
> I don't care if other people need to log ****ing their partner or not ****ing their partner in order to see a pattern. My feeling about it is unchanged, and the only person who needs to care about my opinion is my sex partner. Stop replying to me.


The implication you left was that you felt it would mean less if your partner had to do such. Maybe not what you intended but there nonetheless. I was pointing out that while _you_ might not need external tracking tools, it doesn't mean your potential partners won't, nor should it mean less if they do need such.

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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

Blondilocks said:


> So, what was his reaction? Was he defensive or going "I'm de man"?


His reaction was like 
"What? are you keeping track on me? What for? Is something wrong? " 

Then I said, "Why? Do you perceive that when we make love it is you making love on your own?"
"Why do you ask that? "
"Because you asked if i was keeping track on you and not on us?"
"Oh! Are you keeping track on us then?"

Then I reminded him about the article he brought home all them years ago and he started laughing about it and asking how much money we have raised since. Is when I said the money would have reduced each year but this year we are shut in so we can do better. 

We also agreed to actually give the money to a charity and we are going to decide which. Means my log carries on.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

My wife does this as well, It's pretty easy and takes hardly anytime.

The spreadsheet is blank!


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## Max.HeadRoom (Jun 28, 2014)

My late wife did just that; I’ve read a few days of them since her passing. Some make me smile and some make me sad; i have them all on a shelf in my library.

Bur weird no, what weird is I put Ketchup on my cottage cheese.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

The ability to track sexual activity is built-in on all iPhones via the Health app. Sadly my Apple Watch is unable to auto self detect cunnilingus.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Max.HeadRoom said:


> My late wife did just that; I’ve read a few days of them since her passing. Some make me smile and some make me sad; i have them all on a shelf in my library.
> 
> Bur weird no, what weird is I put Ketchup on my cottage cheese.


Ouch, that’s got to be tough.

On a lighter note, no, cottage cheese is just weird.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > Well, I was SPEAKING FOR MYSELF in reply to OPs question. You decided to *pick on me* because of my reply to OP regarding my opinion.
> ...


I asked you to stop replying to me. Stop replying to me. Stop replying to me. Stop replying to me. 

Don't tell me how I should feel (in this very hypothetical situation). How very off-putting. Don't reply to me again, and don't opine to me how I should feel.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Livvie said:


> I asked you to stop replying to me. Stop replying to me. Stop replying to me. Stop replying to me.
> 
> Don't tell me how I should feel (in this very hypothetical situation). How very off-putting. Don't reply to me again, and don't opine to me how I should feel.


Welcome to public forums. Don't want a response? Don't give one. Feel free to unsubscribe to the thread, or even block me. Your options are many.

As to telling you how to feel, wasn't my intent. Apologies if it came off that way. But as noted, you were coming off as if everyone should feel as you do, and I was pointing out differently.

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## hinterdir (Apr 17, 2018)

Hmmm, I'm not sure.

I guess it would mostly depend on where this info is kept....on line, in a handwritten diary and how secure it is from others finding it and reading it. 
If it is insecure and others could possibly read it I would be somewhat upset and want it secured.

I would then ask why. Why are you keeping this info. I would just be curious. Not that I'd need a good explanation to validate it I would just want to get inside her head and understand her feelings and need for doing it. 
I don't like secrets so I wouldn't respond favorably if she tried to hide it from me and deflect from answering my questions. 

We are husband and wife and it is OUR sex life. I don't want secrets about stuff like this. 
Tell me honestly why you are documenting our sex life.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

hinterdir said:


> Hmmm, I'm not sure.
> 
> I guess it would mostly depend on where this info is kept....on line, in a handwritten diary and how secure it is from others finding it and reading it.
> If it is insecure and others could possibly read it I would be somewhat upset and want it secured.
> ...


This was not a secret. Its just that it had gone on for so long he had forgotten it was going on. I was brought up in a household that believes everything in the family is confidential but within the family we all share according to our ages.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Livvie said:
> 
> 
> > I asked you to stop replying to me. Stop replying to me. Stop replying to me. Stop replying to me.
> ...


You are a liar.

In my first response, which WAS TO THE OP, I said *I* would be put off. I never acted, hinted, intimated, suggested, that anyone else should feel as I do.

Then you started arguing with how *I* feel and I asked you to stop replying to me and you won't stop and at this point it feels like harassment.

If I were to block you, then I would not be able to see the lying way you are talking about me.

Stop mentioning me, stop lying about me, stop talking about me.

If you do again, I HOPE YOU GET BANNED.

ETA I've reported you. Stop replying to me and stop mentioning me.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

maquiscat said:


> Welcome to public forums. Don't want a response? Don't give one. Feel free to unsubscribe to the thread, or even block me. Your options are many.
> 
> As to telling you how to feel, wasn't my intent. Apologies if it came off that way. But as noted, you were coming off as if everyone should feel as you do, and I was pointing out differently.


And you are coming off as though everyone should feels as you do. 

Yes this is a public forum. However, on public forums it's good form to oblige when a person makes that sort of request.

Livvie asked you to stop posting to her. I suggest that you do that.

And @Livvie, if you don't want someone to reply to you, don't reply to their posts. Just report the posts that you consider offending.

~ Speaking as a moderator.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

EleGirl said:


> And you are coming off as though everyone should feels as you do.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


If I came across as such, again, I apologise. I was, as noted, trying to point out that there were different views and thoughts.

But as my lady wish. I will even go so far as to block the offended party such that I cannot see post by which to comment thereupon.

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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

He was defensive at first. lol A lot of people wig out when they think they are being tracked for something, anything or nothing.

My husband was a little unsettled when he saw my inventory of household property for insurance purposes and his business clothing was listed. He calmed down when I pointed out that just one of his suits cost more than the sofa he was sitting on.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I do this. Not details or anything but I mark in my calendar when we had sex, and the type. 
I am a very type A analytical mind as well and I want to make sure I have a certain amount of sex for a number of reasons. There are times when I get so wrapped up with what I’m doing on the daily and stress that sometimes I can forget the last time I had sex, or worked out for example, so I always keep track of things that I think are important.


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## Randy2 (Jul 19, 2016)

and there is research, though a bit spotty (300 college students), that sex 1-3 times a week is good for your immune system (covid19), no sex - not bad - but doesn't help the immune system, more than 3 times a week again not bad - but doesn't help the immune system. So maybe good to "keep on track" these days, especially if one partner doesn't "feel like it" for other reasons.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Randy2 said:


> and there is research, though a bit spotty (300 college students), that sex 1-3 times a week is good for your immune system (covid19), no sex - not bad - but doesn't help the immune system, more than 3 times a week again not bad - but doesn't help the immune system. So maybe good to "keep on track" these days, especially if one partner doesn't "feel like it" for other reasons.




I think that there is a lot of research that sex is good for you. Both physically and mentally. I compare it to working out.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> I think that there is a lot of research that sex is good for you. Both physically and mentally. I compare it to working out.


It is if you are doing it right! 😊


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## Holdingontoit (Mar 7, 2012)

If my wife had logged our sex life the first 15 years, I would have been thrilled. It would have eliminated arguments at the MC and ST sessions over how often we had sex.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

Holdingontoit said:


> If my wife had logged our sex life the first 15 years, I would have been thrilled. It would have eliminated arguments at the MC and ST sessions over how often we had sex.



I agree! Because honestly things slip our minds! Especially if you are the lower drive person because sex is on your brain less. I honestly think everyone should log their sex lite.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

"
Holdingontoit said:
If my wife had logged our sex life the first 15 years, I would have been thrilled. It would have eliminated arguments at the MC and ST sessions over how often we had sex."


It does not have to be your wife. You too can acquire a pen and a diary. Me personally, I am glad others do it also, be it for different reasons. I also think we should do it to ensure our husbands are less prone to prostate cancer. higher than 15 times a month is when the figures for prostate cancer start to reduce. But that just like every other day. The first three years it was almost that per week. This year only Corvid 19 is helping to push figures up, especially now that this family have no TV so entertainment is activities. 
We are even sleeping much better as there is no work to go to. Been 8 days today.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

I tried keeping a very comprehensive hand written sex diary circa two years ago, that also saw it summarised into an Excel spreadsheet as well.

Yet I gave up after a few months as a consequence of high sexual frequency and variety, which made it an enormous chore to keep it updated.

Even now I would find it a chore to keep up, since we're still having lots of great sex together. Even through my wife having one serious medical condition followed by cancer all while dealing with a child who has a devastating mental illness.

As to reactions to it, my wife was/is fine with my doing that, and she even helped me find a wonderfully elegant diary to write in for the purpose.


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## Hiner112 (Nov 17, 2019)

I did for a couple months. We argued about how often we had sex and so I just marked a calendar with letter codes. It was kind of an AITA tracker. Was I asking _that_ often? Was I not doing the things I should for her? I gave it up after a couple months because it was as infrequent as I thought and that wasn't the problem anyway.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Personal said:


> I tried keeping a very comprehensive hand written sex diary circa two years ago, that also saw it summarised into an Excel spreadsheet as well.


And I recall you sharing the rather detailed (and impressive) summary here, you’re good.

Unrelated, I hope your ladies and yourself are doing well.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

CharlieParker said:


> Unrelated, I hope your ladies and yourself are doing well.


Thanks my wife is doing very well re her cancer, the situation with our daughter unfortunately remains an ever worsening nightmare.


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

Girl_power said:


> I do this. Not details or anything but I mark in my calendar when we had sex, and the type.
> I am a very type A analytical mind as well and I want to make sure I have a certain amount of sex for a number of reasons. There are times when I get so wrapped up with what I’m doing on the daily and stress that sometimes I can forget the last time I had sex, or worked out for example, so I always keep track of things that I think are important.


I can relate to this. I'm a little obsessive about writing things down. I would be happy if my husband did this because it would show that he felt sex with me was important. When I was promiscuous before marriage, I used to write down details about every guy and every encounter. Little observations. I'm introverted and i notice details about everything. And I love to write so I record things. Stuff they said to me and did to me. What I was thinking. Things about their bodies. All my dirty thoughts into my diary.

Maybe it's because I'm fascinated with science (and sex) so "data" on my sex was a natural fixation for me.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

JTW, just curious -- do you STILL have those diaries? If so, you MAY want to rethink that (or make sure they are well locked away) since your H doesn't know about your past.

There is another thread on here that has EXACTLY this situation -- the H found his wife's diaries from before they were married.....


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## JustTheWife (Nov 1, 2017)

jlg07 said:


> JTW, just curious -- do you STILL have those diaries? If so, you MAY want to rethink that (or make sure they are well locked away) since your H doesn't know about your past.
> 
> There is another thread on here that has EXACTLY this situation -- the H found his wife's diaries from before they were married.....


Good point. I bet that this kind of discovery is not uncommon. I don't want to go into detail but it's "double safe". I came close to getting rid of it but it's too much a part of me...


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