# She just blew up on me!



## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

A girl I have been friends with absolutely blew up on me today when I told her I could no longer communicate with her because of what I "assumed" was a change in her relationship status. I said "assumed" because she stated her FB messages of late had nothing to do with a guy.

I might be reading too much into her posts, but when her status says "On a scale of 1-10, Bae is the s#!t, idc what anyone else thinks", I can only deduce there's a clear reason for it.

Understand this is not the only post that has caused me to question her status. One spoke of her liking the "good morning texts". One spoke of daily video chats followed by heartfilled emojis. And there have been other questionable posts. 

I'm not the smartest but I don't think I'm just jumping to any conclusions. I can only believe she's being super defensive because I'm right and she doesn't want our friendship to end, at least for the time being.

What do you all think?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I agree with your assessment of her status, and admire that you took the initiative to stop communication. Is she denying that she is involved?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I must be missing something. You "think" she may be dating someone based on her fb posts, and so don't want to be her friend? Is that because you want to date her?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> I agree with your assessment of her status, and admire that you took the initiative to stop communication. Is she denying that she is involved?


Yes. She says I am reading too much into her posts and that they mean absolutely nothing. I'm sorry but putting that type of stuff on your fb page absolutely means something when it's done repeatedly.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Married but Happy said:


> I must be missing something. You "think" she may be dating someone based on her fb posts, and so don't want to be her friend?


I've learned that having opposite sex friendships when one is involved is just asking for trouble!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

So you're married, and you don't want to be 'friends' on Facebook with this woman because you think her status updates are inappropriate??

Forgive me, I don't really do facebook, and the whole thing just causes me no end of confusion.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

@Hope1964 No. I am not married and she is a close friend with whom I have frequent phone/text conversations. She, within the last couple of weeks, started making posts that would leave me to believe she's involved with someone. 

And if that is the case, I prefer not to engage in our normal conversations so as to not cause any distractions in her relationship. She just denies there is a relationship but I strongly believe there is. She just doesn't want to be forthright about it...at least to me!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

OK NOW it makes sense. Thanks for the explanation.

I think you're smart for cutting her off - she sounds rather unstable if she flipped sh!t over something like that.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> I've learned that having opposite sex friendships when one is involved is just asking for trouble!


If that is the case then move on and find someone who thinks like you.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

sokillme said:


> If that is the case then move on and find someone who thinks like you.


I thought you were banned. :|


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> OK NOW it makes sense. Thanks for the explanation.
> 
> I think you're smart for cutting her off - she sounds rather unstable if she flipped sh!t over something like that.


Makes no sense to me. He is probably friend-zoned and likes the girl but does not like that she is interested in someone else.

He missed his chance to date her and now he is just like one of her girlfriends, but he does not want to her about her dating life.

That is the only explanation that makes sense. Because if he is only a friend and wants to stay that way, but does not want the girl to be happy and date, she does not need him as a friend.

ETA, OP I just read some of your 38 threads. What is the real issue here?


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> I thought you were banned. :|


For a week to protect one of the more sensitive members on here. Since I get a ton of likes I guess I am not all bad.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

sokillme said:


> For a week to protect one of the more sensitive members on here. Since I get a ton of likes I guess I am not all bad.


OR - all your likes are from other bada$$es.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

sokillme said:


> For a week to protect one of the more sensitive members on here.


So you learned nothing from your banning.....


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> OR - all your likes are from other bada$$es.


I think even you liked me once or twice. :wink2: I could be a little nicer in my tone at times though, I will admit.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> So you learned nothing from your banning.....


I learned not to engage. Please lets not thread jack 0.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

blueinbr said:


> Hope1964 said:
> 
> 
> > OK NOW it makes sense. Thanks for the explanation.
> ...



The real issue? What doesn't make sense? First of all, she moved several states away a few months back so there is no possibility of a romantic relationship as far as I'm concerned. 

Secondly, I wouldn't like any guy having lengthy phone/text conversations with someone I'm involved with. And I'm pretty sure no woman I get involved with would like it either!


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

sokillme said:


> I think even you liked me once or twice. :wink2: I could be a little nicer in my tone at times though, I will admit.


OMG what was I THINKING?!


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Hope1964 said:


> OMG what was I THINKING?!


nice. :crying:


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> sokillme said:
> 
> 
> > I think even you liked me once or twice.
> ...





sokillme said:


> Hope1964 said:
> 
> 
> > OMG what was I THINKING?!
> ...


I'm sorry but what do these have to do with my post?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sokillme said:


> For a week to protect one of the more sensitive members on here. Since I get a ton of likes I guess I am not all bad.


Nobody is all bad. 

And welcome back from the banned club.

I was banned for a time. I learned not to do what got me banned.

Hope you take your lesson on board, same way that I took my lesson on board. 

And to take this back on topic. Marksaysay you are right in your actions re her Facebook posts.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> I'm sorry but what do these have to do with my post?


Mark you are right, sorry. My point is if it is this much work at the beginning it probably isn't going to work out well in the long run. My experience is that when you are meant to have a relationship, the basics like this don't need to be worked out.

I get where you are coming from with not having close friends of the opposite sex, but you will find that half the people in the world don't think this way and for many it really isn't a problem. It really depends on the individual. The problem is it is hard to tell if it IS a problem until it is too late.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

marksaysay said:


> The real issue? What doesn't make sense? First of all, she moved several states away a few months back so there is no possibility of a romantic relationship as far as I'm concerned.
> 
> Secondly, I wouldn't like any guy having lengthy phone/text conversations with someone I'm involved with. And I'm pretty sure no woman I get involved with would like it either!


Bear with me. I am a little slow. So you said you cannot communicate with a lady friend because she is now involved with another guy? You are not romantically involved with her, correct? 

Oh, now I think I get it. You being chivalrous because now that your lady friend is with a guy, it is now inappropriate for her to have an opposite sex friend (meaning you). Is that right?


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## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

marksaysay said:


> The real issue? What doesn't make sense? First of all, she moved several states away a few months back so there is no possibility of a romantic relationship as far as I'm concerned.
> 
> Secondly, I wouldn't like any guy having lengthy phone/text conversations with someone I'm involved with. And I'm pretty sure no woman I get involved with would like it either!


LOL. Don't worry I understood your reaction. Some people have never been friends, in the middle of a new relationship and received a call, text, or message saying "why are you talking to my <insert gender> friend."

Yep, I'd back off as well. No need for that level of drama, even if it is in another state. Yep, dealt with one of those too. Not fun at all. A friend would understand with the explanation you gave unless, she is really talking about you.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> A girl I have been friends with absolutely blew up on me today when I told her I could no longer communicate with her because of what I "assumed" was a change in her relationship status. I said "assumed" because she stated her FB messages of late had nothing to do with a guy.
> 
> I might be reading too much into her posts, but when her status says "On a scale of 1-10, Bae is the s#!t, idc what anyone else thinks", I can only deduce there's a clear reason for it.
> 
> ...


Sounds like a lot of drama.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Mark, is this girl someone you are strictly friends with, or someone you hope to have a relationship with? Because if you were interested in her, this incident is telling you the kind of partner she would be. The kind who insists on maintaining contact with other men. I'd steer clear if I were you.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Ok, I get the issue with the op sex friends. Believe me, I GET IT. And after reading a few of your threads I understand how you see op sex friends to be a threat. 

What I don't get is why you befriend any woman, knowing that the minute they get involved with a guy you have to stop being their friend. Because I think most people just will not accept that you want to pause the friendship at a time they probably are happy. Is your plan to befriend her again if she gets dumped? "Hi I am back. Glad you got dumped because now we can be friends again."

From her POV is now has to choose between your friendship and the new guy. And she probably is unhappy having to make that choice and she reacted emotionally. You made that choice for her and that is what she is upset about. Did you clearly explain to her your position? Or did you just jump to FB conclusions. Maybe she was only friends with the other guy. Now she lost you. 

Life is drama.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

blueinbr said:


> So you said you cannot communicate with a lady friend because she is now involved with another guy? You are not romantically involved with her, correct?
> 
> Oh, now I think I get it. You being chivalrous because now that your lady friend is with a guy, it is now inappropriate for her to have an opposite sex friend (meaning you). Is that right?


No, we are not romantically involved. I just feel it's inappropriate to be communicating like that with someone who's in any stage of relationship with someone else, beginning or otherwise. 

I don't want to be caught in the middle of anything, even if I'm miles away. She can have opposite sex friends if she likes, I just won't be speaking with her privately via phone or text. That's not good, IMHO! 

She can make public posts for all to see, if she chooses to. Private convos...nope! Keep in mind, our convos have been strictly on the plutonic level (How are you adjusting? How's your new job? Are the people there different? etc). But they were still private!


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Sounds like a lot of drama.




Exactly. 
That being said I think opposite sex friends are never "just" friends. In my experience one party lets their thoughts go past friendship whether it's acted on or not.




Sent from my iPhone


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

citygirl4344 said:


> Exactly.
> That being said I think opposite sex friends are never "just" friends. In my experience one party lets their thoughts go past friendship whether it's acted on or not.
> 
> 
> ...


I think I'm going to agree with this, because my ex fiance and I were ''just friends'' once, and the guy I'm seeing now, we started off as friends.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> No, we are not romantically involved. I just feel it's inappropriate to be communicating like that with someone who's in any stage of relationship with someone else, beginning or otherwise.
> 
> I don't want to be caught in the middle of anything, even if I'm miles away. She can have opposite sex friends if she likes, I just won't be speaking with her privately via phone or text. That's not good, IMHO!
> 
> She can make public posts for all to see, if she chooses to. Private convos...nope! Keep in mind, our convos have been strictly on the plutonic level (How are you adjusting? How's your new job? Are the people there different? etc). But they were still private!


This is nice of you to respect her in this way.


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## klg1980 (Aug 8, 2016)

So you basically just told her "Hey, it seems like you are seeing someone - so I don't want to cause any problems with that new relationship (or whatever it is), so I'll just take a step out of the scene."?? Did I understand it right, OP??


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I've known this girl for years and we actually entertained the idea of trying a relationship PRIOR to her revealing her plans to move. At that point, knowing I could not do a long distance relationship, I let it be known that the best we could be was friends. I also let her know up front that I had a strict rule concerning opposite-sex friendships when one is in a relationship so if she became involved, to let me know and I would do the same. 

Since her move, we've spoken regularly and frequently, but it has tapered off over the last few weeks. Because of the change, I began to wonder if she had met someone, which would've been totally fine. Then I started noticing the FB posts about loving the good morning texts, the daily video chats, the ending her nights on good notes, the "Bae" pet name, and tons of emojis filled with heart-filled eyes and kisses. 

These things coupled with our dwindled communication only led me to draw one conclusion. And when I asked about them, she blew up! She told me she didn't like that I was jumping to conclusions. Maybe I drew the wrong conclusion but I honestly don't believe that I did. I'm okay with the fact she may have become involved with someone. I would just rather not continue to communicate with her as we have been because I think it's completely inappropriate.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

citygirl4344 said:


> Exactly.
> That being said I think opposite sex friends are never "just" friends. In my experience one party lets their thoughts go past friendship whether it's acted on or not.


OP does not seem to have issue with op sex friends. He already has one - her. His issue is having op sex friend while the op sex friend is dating. Maybe dating.

She had plutonic publicly-viewed messages with a guy. She did not tell OP she was dating him. He did not believe her when confronted, and thinks she is being defensive. So he is telling her, openly or not, that she is a liar. Or he thinks she is a liar. Same outcome.

He should never again befriend a woman.

ETA: I posted this before noticing that OP gave more info. Since he had romantic interest in her at one time, it is best he ends the relationship. It will be too painful for him to watch her date a guy. His strict rule is odd because basically it says they can be friends until one of them dates. It kind of puts an expiration date on friendship.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Is she the one you wrote about some time ago? From church? Young?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

blueinbr said:


> OP does not seem to have issue with op sex friends. He already has one - her. His issue is having op sex friend while the op sex friend is dating. Maybe dating.
> 
> She had plutonic publicly-viewed messages with a guy. She did not tell OP she was dating him. He did not believe her when confronted, and thinks she is being defensive. So he is telling her, openly or not, that she is a liar. Or he thinks she is a liar. Same outcome.
> 
> ...


The messages were not with a guy BUT presumably about a guy. And since we've been friends and talking quite a bit, I've lost all interest in her romantically. I've realized she is too immature and likes to party waaaay too much for me. 

I was actually pretty excited to know she was/is possibly seeing someone. That doesn't bother me. Lying to me about it does bother me. And none of our convos have been public. 

BUT I do get the point about the opposite sex friendships. They're trouble no matter how you look at it!


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Openminded said:


> Is she the one you wrote about some time ago? From church? Young?


No...different girl.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

citygirl4344 said:


> Exactly.
> That being said I think opposite sex friends are never "just" friends. In my experience one party lets their thoughts go past friendship whether it's acted on or not.
> 
> 
> ...


I wouldn't say never.

I've been friends with several ladies that I've had absolutely no attraction to.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

marksaysay said:


> I've lost all interest in her romantically.


Teach me how to do that with a (former) op sex friend. :frown2:


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> I wouldn't say never.
> 
> I've been friends with several ladies that I've had absolutely no attraction to.


Any of them younger, pretty/beautiful looking and single??


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

And btw, I've ended text/phone communications with many female friends who I've found to be involved. She's not the first but most are more understanding.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Well, you knew she was immature. BTW, it's platonic.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

blueinbr said:


> Teach me how to do that with a (former) op sex friend. :frown2:


It's pretty easy when you're not just looking for a fling but a long-term mate!


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

blueinbr said:


> Any of them younger, pretty/beautiful looking and single??


Younger, yes.

Pretty to some, not to me (like I said--not attracted).

Single, some yes, some no.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I wouldn't say never.
> 
> I've been friends with several ladies that I've had absolutely no attraction to.


I've been friends with a few straight men over my adult life with zero attraction on both sides. It's a brother/sister type thing.



Sent from my SM-G900V using Tapatalk


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

So it would seem the friendship was a bad idea. But was I at least somewhat justified in at least asking if she was seeing someone? Her posts definitely lead me to believe that to be the case.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

marksaysay said:


> Yes. She says I am reading too much into her posts and that they mean absolutely nothing. I'm sorry but putting that type of stuff on your fb page absolutely means something when it's done repeatedly.


When people show you who they are, believe them.

No gaslighting.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Gaslighting? It'd been a while since I heard that term so I had to look it up. It definitely sounds like that's what she's doing. 

I've been second-guessing everything all day. And just before reading about it, I was actually thinking about apologizing for jumping to conclusions but I'm 99.9% my gut was right. 

And I'm not bothered by her dating. I'm just bothered she wouldn't tell me. But now that I think about it, why would she want to? Telling me meant losing a friend or at the least, friendly conversations.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## estes (Aug 7, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> And if that is the case, I prefer not to engage in our normal conversations so as to not cause any distractions in her relationship. She just denies there is a relationship but I strongly believe there is. She just doesn't want to be forthright about it...at least to me!


You are so NOT doing this to avoid "causing her distractions in her relationship"

You're cutting her off because you're jealous and jilted because you want her, you can't have her and you can't stand the fact that some other guy does. Or at least you "think" some guy has her. She denies it but you choose not to believe her based on your biased interpretation of a few FB posts. It's probably all just a figment of your overly active imagination.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Wrong, wrong, and wrong!

I was the one who told her our romantic involvement would not work. I was the one who told her the distance would change our relationship. I was the one who said we could be nothing more than friends. 

And when she moved, I had decided to communicate sparingly but she continued calling and texting me daily. 

I am not jilted in the least bit...AT ALL! All I asked was that she let me know if she became involved with someone and I would do the same for her.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## estes (Aug 7, 2016)

So why are you getting so bent out of shape about the possibility she's with another guy?

You don't even know this is true and you've decided to do what you think is best for her.

How can you even know what she wants?


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Bent out of shape? Have you ever received a threatening call/text/visit by someone who thought you were messing with their woman? Well, I haven't and I don't want to!

And I'm not trying to do what's best FOR HER, but simply what's best for all parties involved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## estes (Aug 7, 2016)

Your actions puzzle me. 

You broke off a friendship because you're worried that some future boyfriend would show up at your house and threaten to beat you up because you're remaining friends with his girlfriend? Quite the streeeeettttccchh.

Sounds like you're doing what you think is best for you, not anyone else. 

Not that there's anything wrong with that but at least be honest with yourself.


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

blueinbr said:


> Makes no sense to me. He is probably friend-zoned and likes the girl but does not like that she is interested in someone else.
> 
> He missed his chance to date her and now he is just like one of her girlfriends, but he does not want to her about her dating life.
> 
> That is the only explanation that makes sense. Because if he is only a friend and wants to stay that way, but does not want the girl to be happy and date, she does not need him as a friend.





blueinbr said:


> Bear with me. I am a little slow. So you said you cannot communicate with a lady friend because she is now involved with another guy? You are not romantically involved with her, correct?
> 
> Oh, now I think I get it. You being chivalrous because now that your lady friend is with a guy, it is now inappropriate for her to have an opposite sex friend (meaning you). Is that right?





3Xnocharm said:


> Mark, is this girl someone you are strictly friends with, or someone you hope to have a relationship with? Because if you were interested in her, this incident is telling you the kind of partner she would be. The kind who insists on maintaining contact with other men. I'd steer clear if I were you.





marksaysay said:


> No, we are not romantically involved. I just feel it's inappropriate to be communicating like that with someone who's in any stage of relationship with someone else, beginning or otherwise.
> 
> I don't want to be caught in the middle of anything, even if I'm miles away. She can have opposite sex friends if she likes, I just won't be speaking with her privately via phone or text. That's not good, IMHO!
> 
> She can make public posts for all to see, if she chooses to. Private convos...nope! Keep in mind, our convos have been strictly on the plutonic level (How are you adjusting? How's your new job? Are the people there different? etc). But they were still private!





estes said:


> You are so NOT doing this to avoid "causing her distractions in her relationship"
> 
> You're cutting her off because you're jealous and jilted because you want her, you can't have her and you can't stand the fact that some other guy does. Or at least you "think" some guy has her. She denies it but you choose not to believe her based on your biased interpretation of a few FB posts. It's probably all just a figment of your overly active imagination.


It seems like you are backing off as you believe another man has 'claimed the territory.' You think it's being respectful, but what other conclusion is she supposed to come to except to believe that you have no use for her friendship now that you think she's romantically unavailable. She thought she could count on your friendship and you yanked it away because you thought she had a boyfriend. It makes her feel like she was only of value to you when there was a chance the relationship could be more than platonic. She probably feels like you don't even see her as a human being, but only as a possible sexual prize.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I am truly one of the most open-minded people you will ever meet. I am not afraid to admit wrongs I commit. I truly believed I was doing the right thing by removing myself from this situation. I have never said we couldn't continue as friends, although the distance would make that difficult. I just stated continuing text/phone conversations with this woman was something I didn't think appropriate if she became involved in a relationship. I also stated this upfront. 

Yes, I have felt she has willfully hid her involvement with someone else, although she denies it. But I also believed I was doing the right thing for all parties involved. She is several states away and our romantic involvement or lack thereof has little to do with my firm belief that a man or woman in any stage of a relationship should not have private communication with an individual of the opposite sex. 

I am in no way jaded or heartbroken because she's not with me. Again, she's several states away and I have no desire to attempt a LDR. I have received many responses stating I've done the right thing and many that say the opposite. I guess I have to evaluate all opinions and continue on course with what I feel and believe is the right course of action.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> And if that is the case, I prefer not to engage in our normal conversations so as to not cause any distractions in her relationship.


LOL..that's about the LAST consideration on your mind - being mindful of not creating a problem in her relationship. Jeez.

And to compound this hopeless situation, you two live states away from each other so what's the point in even trying to be anything more than friends? I'm assuming you folks are teenagers or close to it just based on all this silly Facebook nonsense and basing her whole life on her posts. I highly doubt her new boyfriend is going to ride his bicycle to your house and threaten you, though.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

I didn't read all the post but I think I get the gist of what happened. 

Marksaysay I think the most important question is why do you care if she blew up on you? You told her you were ending the communication because you think she was lying to you, should she have said "Oh gee, thanks!". And if she was lying to you because she is a deceitful person why would you expect any different reaction? 

It's very possible she doesn't have a boyfriend but is simply playing the field having fun and dating. Again why would you care? And why would she need to share those details with you? 

This woman sounds like nothing more than an internet pen pal, you are not friends, your relationship was nothing more than two people being bored playing around on the internet. Sure you may have had some fun discussions, still, no reality, no chance of ever meeting, just two people playing around. You by no means have any right to demand she tell you everything going on in her life. So you pressured her on something and feel she was lying, again, so what? Gee, your fake friend internet pen pal isn't who she claims to be. Umm, is there something surprising about that? 

Your reaction tells me you have some sort of emotional/romantic interest you have invested in the "what if scenario" with this woman, other wise you simply wouldn't care, you would just laugh about another goof ball playing around on the internet.


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> LOL..that's about the LAST consideration on your mind - being mindful of not creating a problem in her relationship. Jeez.
> 
> And to compound this hopeless situation, you two live states away from each other so what's the point in even trying to be anything more than friends? I'm assuming you folks are teenagers or close to it just based on all this silly Facebook nonsense and basing her whole life on her posts. I highly doubt her new boyfriend is going to ride his bicycle to your house and threaten you, though.


That cracked me up.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Cooper said:


> I didn't read all the post but I think I get the gist of what happened.
> 
> Marksaysay I think the most important question is why do you care if she blew up on you? You told her you were ending the communication because you think she was lying to you, should she have said "Oh gee, thanks!". And if she was lying to you because she is a deceitful person why would you expect any different reaction?


I told her I didn't feel it was appropriate to continue communications if she was seeing someone, NOT because she was lying.



Cooper said:


> It's very possible she doesn't have a boyfriend but is simply playing the field having fun and dating. Again why would you care? And why would she need to share those details with you?


Good point! 



Cooper said:


> This woman sounds like nothing more than an internet pen pal, you are not friends, your relationship was nothing more than two people being bored playing around on the internet. Sure you may have had some fun discussions, still, no reality, no chance of ever meeting, just two people playing around. You by no means have any right to demand she tell you everything going on in her life. So you pressured her on something and feel she was lying, again, so what? Gee, your fake friend internet pen pal isn't who she claims to be. Umm, is there something surprising about that?


She's from my town and I've known her for years. And we actually went on a few dates UNTIL she revealed she'd be moving a couple of states away to be closer to family and to start nursing school. At that time, we mutually decided to simply be friends because of the distance that would become an issue. We did continue hanging out prior to her move but only as friends. In the days prior to her leaving, our communication dwindled quite a bit. After her move, I had no plans to continue communication but she reached out to me. 

At that point, we went from communicating sparadically to talking/texting a lot. I then revisited the conversation we'd had regarding the possibility of one or both of us meeting someone and that our continued communication would become, in my opinion, inappropriate. She understood and actually agreed. This is why I became somewhat bothered by seeing posts that seemed to reveal she had become involved. It was previously discussed that we would let the other know when that happened. I could've really jumped to conclusions and her posts could've been about no one but I feel strongly that is not the case.



Cooper said:


> .....another goof ball playing around on the internet.


It's not quite the case at all!


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## estes (Aug 7, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> I am truly one of the most open-minded people you will ever meet.


If that's true then someone else is writing your posts because they are written by an extremely close minded individual who is completely out of touch with their own feelings and motivations.

It's obvious to everyone who has read your story that your actions defy logic and common sense and you're doing it because you're butthurt over her leaving you for another guy.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

estes said:


> If that's true then someone else is writing your posts because they are written by an extremely close minded individual who is completely out of touch with their own feelings and motivations.
> 
> It's obvious to everyone who has read your story that your actions defy logic and common sense and you're doing it because you're butthurt over her leaving you for another guy.


Dude, seriously, what is your deal? I'm not reading anything like this in his posts.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

estes said:


> If that's true then someone else is writing your posts because they are written by an extremely close minded individual who is completely out of touch with their own feelings and motivations.
> 
> It's obvious to everyone who has read your story that your actions defy logic and common sense and you're doing it because you're butthurt over her leaving you for another guy.


Dude, you obviously haven't read the posts. You definitely must not have read the entire post in which you took a snippet from. I would appreciate if you no longer comment because I can accept different views but your disrespectful posts actually infuriate me!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

OK mark settle down.

Ordering people not to comment on your posts may just make it worse. And please do not get 'infuriated' here - half the posters on TAM are probably ten year old boys who've run out of phone time catching Pokemon and are killing time before school starts back up.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Hope1964 said:


> OK mark settle down.
> 
> Ordering people not to comment on your posts may just make it worse. And please do not get 'infuriated' here - half the posters on TAM are probably ten year old boys who've run out of phone time catching Pokemon and are killing time before school starts back up.


You're right. I'm the most respectful person one will ever meet so it gets my blood boiling when I experience blatant and unwarranted disrespect!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## estes (Aug 7, 2016)

I'm disagreeing with you and politely suggesting you're not in touch with yourself, not disrespecting you Marky.

You act like a martyr and try to convince yourself and everyone else that you cut her out of your life for her own good and that is obviously not why you did it.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

estes said:


> I'm disagreeing with you and politely suggesting you're not in touch with yourself, not disrespecting you Marky.
> 
> You act like a martyr and try to convince yourself and everyone else that you cut her out of your life for her own good and that is obviously not why you did it.


Just remember the old adage: It's not what you say, but how you say it! Your previous statement ABSOLUTELY came off as being disrespectful but thanks for cleaning it up!

Additionally, you keep putting words in my mouth. I didn't cut her out of my life. And I never said it was for HER good. I said it was best for ALL parties involved. She wouldn't have to deal with a friendship being misinterpreted as something it isn't. I wouldn't have to deal with being accused of something I wasn't doing. And any love interest/boyfriend wouldn't have to think someone was trying to steal his girl. 

Also, I have ended private conversations with other girls I've discovered to be in relationships because I consider it HIGHLY disrespectful. Some were what I thought potential dates/girlfriends and others were just friends. We can still be friends but all communications have to be in public or made publicly on a social media sites not through inboxes, direct messages, texts, or phone calls that someone else cannot see or witness.


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## estes (Aug 7, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> Additionally, you keep putting words in my mouth.


Funny you should say that when you're effectively doing the same thing:



marksaysay said:


> She wouldn't have to deal with a friendship being misinterpreted as something it isn't. I wouldn't have to deal with being accused of something I wasn't doing. And any love interest/boyfriend wouldn't have to think someone was trying to steal his girl.


Why not let your "girl"friend any any future boyfriend decide what they're ok with.

For example my girlfriend has a guy friend who she's known for years before she met me. They never dated, they're just friends, they've occassionally hung out just the two of them and it doesn't bother me in the least. 

They just may not be as hung up on the idea as you are.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

marksaysay said:


> We can still be friends but all communications have to be in public or made publicly on a social media sites not through inboxes, direct messages, texts, or phone calls that someone else cannot see or witness.


Maybe you missed this part so I thought I'd post it again. I just prefer to eliminate anything that can POSSIBLY cause an issue. 

And as many have stated on this thread, many relationships start and end because of those who were "just friends". Your situation, in my experience, is an exception to the rule!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Begin again (Jul 4, 2016)

blueinbr said:


> Ok, I get the issue with the op sex friends. Believe me, I GET IT. And after reading a few of your threads I understand how you see op sex friends to be a threat.
> 
> What I don't get is why you befriend any woman, knowing that the minute they get involved with a guy you have to stop being their friend. Because I think most people just will not accept that you want to pause the friendship at a time they probably are happy. Is your plan to befriend her again if she gets dumped? "Hi I am back. Glad you got dumped because now we can be friends again."
> 
> ...


Yeah... This. Why you would have any female friends ever if this is your reaction. Just stick with guy friends. She doesn't deserve how you handled this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## estes (Aug 7, 2016)

Begin again said:


> Yeah... This. Why you would have any female friends ever if this is your reaction. Just stick with guy friends. She doesn't deserve how you handled this.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Exactly. This makes my point better than I could.

If it was up to Marky, then no one would ever have same sex friends because of concern over possible issues with their partner.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

After reading some of the posts supporting her blowing up, I went back and reread the communication with the girl in question. I also reread my opening post and I now understand. I can be quick to make statements that don't fully reflect the ideas I want to convey, especially when I don't think things through and act too hastily. I've done it before, with bad results, and I believe I did so in these instances.

I would now have to agree that the way I handled it, especially the words used, were probably not the best and could be understood in a way that would cause her to be upset. While I stand by the idea of not engaging in long, private, and daily conversations with members of the opposite while one is in a relationship, I never really meant ending the friendship altogether. 

I never told her we couldn't be friends. When I asked about her status, she blew up, probably because of the talk we'd had before. What I don't think appropriate is daily, lengthy, and private conversations when one is involved. We can still be friends, although I didn't express that. I really just think the way we communicate should change. 

I, in no way, meant to convey the idea of totally eliminating her from my life. I just thought it necessary to make some changes. If you read some of my posts today, you'll see I've had time to gather my thoughts in order to express my true intent.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

After posting my last response, I sent my friend a FB message (I knew she was working so i couldn't call her) expressing my apologies for "possibly" jumping to conclusions about her relationship status. I also explained that I never intended to imply we could no longer be friends, just that I found it inappropriate to have text/phone conversations with someone in a relationship. 

Yesterday, she posted to her FB page, "I wish i could tell the world about you so they'd all be jealous." Today, she posted, "Life's so much more fun when nobody knows what's really going on in your life", followed by several heart-filled emojis.

I was actually feeling kind of bad about making assumptions since she said I didn't know the whole story but now it seems to all be some big game! I'm too old for such childish games!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

klondike said:


> Then act like it.


No offense, but I have to ask what part of my actions show I'm acting in a childish manner?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

She seems like the one playing games to me, with those types of 'mystery' posts.

And now, the cynic in me believes she's dating a married man.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

Hopeful Cynic said:


> She seems like the one playing games to me, with those types of 'mystery' posts.
> 
> And now, the cynic in me believes she's dating a married man.


From her posts, I've come to think of a couple scenarios:

1. She's dating someone and doesn't want me to know.
2. She's trying to make someone jealous by making these posts.

If it's 1, I'd rather not continue communicating as we'd done in the past.
If it's 2, I'd rather not continue communicating as we'd done in the past.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> I think I'm going to agree with this, because my ex fiance and I were ''just friends'' once, and the guy I'm seeing now, we started off as friends.


Huh?

How could it be otherwise?

Going from zero to 1000 MPH in a millisecond only happens on Star Trek.

Oh, I get it.... Star Struck in one second, Both Stars in the sack the next second, Damn !!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

marksaysay said:


> Bent out of shape? Have you ever received a threatening call/text/visit by someone who thought you were messing with their woman? Well, I haven't and I don't want to!
> 
> And I'm not trying to do what's best FOR HER, but simply what's best for all parties involved.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If Honor is your God, He is toying with You.

Look at the Tarot Card "The Hanged Man"........that is you.

Sounds like you fear your own shadow.......and the shadow of Latin Nemo.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

klondike said:


> Whatever the reason, if it's directed at you, it's because you started it.
> 
> She could have been a good friend to you. The friendship could have become something more. Not likely but possibly.
> 
> ...


So let's revisit the timeline:

-We go on a couple of dates and she reveals she's gonna be moving soon.
-I inform her I don't do long distance relationships so we can be friends, at best.
-She moves and after a few days, she calls me and we continue daily text/phone conversations.
-I tell her if she ever becomes involved, to let me know because I'd consider our current communication pattern to be inappropriate.
-I begin noticing suspicious FB posts such as:
These good morning texts are nice (It wasn't me)
I really enjoy our daily video chats (It wasn't me)
On a scale of 1-10, Bae is the sh!t idc what anyone else thinks (It wasn't me)
-I ask if she'd began seeing someone and she flips out.
-I start this thread.
-I apologize for "jumping to conclusions" (She doesn't respond)
-Then more suspicious FB posts:
I wish I could tell the world about you so they can be jealous.
Life is more fun when no one knows what's really going on.

I gave up the idea of being more than friends when she moved. Now she's playing some kind of game that I want no part of!!!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

klondike said:


> You want no part of her or her game yet you continue to stalk her facebook page and post here about what it all could mean.
> 
> Got it.


We've been acquaintances, as well as, Facebook friends for years. It shows up on my timeline. I don't have to stalk her page.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

I never said we couldn't be friends. I did say we couldn't continue out pattern of communication if she became involved. 

And I have only "unfriended" people over the years for excessive vulgar language, inappropriate pictures/videos, or posts that would be considered extremely offensive by most people. 

I typically just "unfollow". I'm now intrigued by her posts but I'm not involved since all our communication has ended. I don't ask questions and she doesn't have to try to explain.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

She should have told you....as earlier discussed by the two of you. She did not....but she DID allow you to "find out". 

Trying to make you jealous? Maybe. 

More likely she is punishing you for not following her to her new location. She sounds vindictive....oh, and very conflicted. 

She DOES have feelings for you. The love/hate kind. The caress you with one hand.....slap you with the other. This is feminine behavior at it's worst. Sorry!

She should NOT have gotten "mad".....but she did get "mad". Why? The trite saying "The Truth Hurts" applies here. 

She is subjectively angry at you for not showing her more allegiance and moving your carcass along with her.

You ARE upset....why else come here and vent? 

You DO have feelings for her. If you say nay....you lie. She was a [long time?] friend....the is OK!

Keep her as a friend with benefits, FWB. Play her game. She likes you....like her back....keep her as a friend.....hopefully a lover. LTR, Yeppir.

Will the romance last, maybe, if you participate and stop being controlling....throwing the transmission in REVERSE while the love train is moving forward [albeit slowly and herky-jerky]. 

Take what life lays in your lap. You will enjoy the fruits. You TOO can casually date in the interim. That is what she is doing.

WTF.....And why not, she is miles away....with no man to hold her.....let her be held. If she becomes exclusive, she will let you know.

Go with the flow.....not with the FOE that is in your mind.
@marksaysay....be Mark-see-see.... this love opportunity that you are 'immaturely' pushing away.

When at the barbeque, "Get em' while they are hot". There likely will be no leftovers [or do-overs]....and if be....they will be cold and thick skinned, hard to chew.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Just be done with her. You tried to do the right thing and she is playing a stupid game. Put your time into someone more worthy of it.


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## marksaysay (Oct 15, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> Just be done with her. You tried to do the right thing and she is playing a stupid game. Put your time into someone more worthy of it.


Absolutely! I'm not sure I even played games like that in junior high! Very childish! 

Moving on....
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> Huh?
> 
> How could it be otherwise?
> 
> ...


Has nothing to do with sex. Not everyone is friends first, and then things turn romantic. I've had relationships where a guy asked me out, somewhat of a complete stranger, and we dated.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

*Deidre* said:


> Has nothing to do with sex. Not everyone is friends first, and then things turn romantic. I've had relationships where a guy asked me out, somewhat of a complete stranger, and we dated.


In the military, I always ran into the hidden tripwires.

In the civilian world these are the exceptions, nuances, but-my-otherwises. 

In my defense, your potential date may not be a friend, but I assure you, he is considered friendly or he would not get a date.

You win....that was my best defense.

______________________________________________________

No wait...of course it has to do with sex. We do not date in a vacuum. Our dates reflect our sexual preferences. You may not bed the guy, but you accepted his ticket to the show.

I guarantee this....no man worthy of your arm [to the Theatre] is a Eunuch.....nope, ain't hap-nen.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

SunCMars said:


> In the military, I always ran into the hidden tripwires.
> 
> In the civilian world these are the exceptions, nuances, but-my-otherwises.
> 
> ...


lol Okay, maybe _you_ win


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