# leaving a depressed person? is it fair?



## bopmavis (Jun 27, 2010)

I have been in a relationship with my partner who suffers very badly from depression.he has come and gone from the house (in which the kids live) numerous times and threatened to take his life a couple times too. I am 31 weeks pregnant and he last left a couple weeks ago... he does not want to come back yet but I know that he will turn up one day wanting to work it all out. I know his depression his affecting his behaviour but I am just not sure that i can go through this anymore. I have tried so hard to support him in the past but he just pushes me away. I am not sure i can wake each day worrying if he will be there or get into a panic everytime he leaves the house in a state as he may take his own life. I am at my wits end... on top of all this we are expecting a baby at the end of August. he has completely forgotten that I am pregnant and continues to put me under immense pressure. Help!


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## nightingale (Jun 23, 2010)

It is fair. His being depressed doesn't excuse all his behaviour. Even if it did, you have to balance the needs of you and your children against his.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

I agree with nightingale. Depression is treatable and people can function when they pursue what their doctors advise. His depression is effecting you and your children and perhaps he should stay away until he gets a firm grasp on it. 

What that looks like is that even if he is feeling depressed, he uses tools to continue to offer a stable home life for you and your family. You don't feel like you are walking on eggs shells around him and neither do your children.

That might take personal counseling, couples counseling, and meds or other depression recovery efforts. But he should probably stay out of the house until you are absolutely sure he is going to come back and offer consistent stability. That could take six months, or even a year or more. If he can't seem to get it together, then you may need to consider divorce. But at that time you will at least know you put in an effort in ways that was healthy and proactive for all concerned.


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## strawberry (Jun 21, 2010)

my husband was in a deep depression while i was carrying our 1st child. he never once leave us and stop caring for us. He said it was hard but he loves us a lot and constantly had to battle with his inner demons. he held it together somehow (plus antidepression & counseling 1-2 x/wk). hope that help you decide?


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## El Guapo (Jun 11, 2010)

All people are different and everyone's depression is different. 

1. Is he seeing a doctor and taking medications? This is very important and in most people makes a HUGE difference. It does for me. Brooke Shields is correct and Tom Cruise of full of crap.

2. Does he ever talk to a psychologist? He needs to. Most of the time it is very helpful?

3. Is there something that is going on in his life that is causing him problems (out of work, lost a parent, marriage in a tough spot)? these can be triggers and can really be tough for a person who is depressed, especially if you answered "no" on the above two questions.

You can PM me if you want.


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