# Feeling trapped and dont know how to leave



## jasmine (Nov 9, 2009)

This year will mark 10 years of marriage and it has been a rocky road. I have to be honest within the first year of marriage something just didnt feel right and my gut told me I should move on.. but felt like I was giving up on the marriage. I moved abroad to be with my partner and that has been one of the biggest things that came up for years between us. The plan was always to see how it goes and to move back closer to family if I really didnt like it. So he agreed after I fell pregnant with our first son we would move back to Europe. Soon as he was born he changed his attitude and said no. At that moment i knew I had made a mistake and was now officially trapped. I have suffered from alot of anxiety and on and off depression over the years because of this. The isolation has not helped. To add on to this he is also controlling and even though not physically abusive is often emotionally abusive and he likes the fact I have no family or support unit here as it also means I depend on him alot for so much. We now have 2 young kids almost 4 and 7. At this point I feel enough is enough. Its reaching the point where I resent him so much. I dont love him, hate being around him and he he always comes with such a strong negative energy. We have tried counselling and Im now trying individual counselling. My self-esteem and confidence has decreased so much since being with him and the counselling sessions have been helping. Even though still scared to leave I am at a point where I know cannot continue like this.

I have been thinking of wanting to do a trial separation to start and then take it from there. Temporarily staying with friends or fam is not an option but I have an Airbnb within only 15 mins of our house which can probably afford to do for a few months with the kids. The problem with this option right now is that I don’t think my husband will let me know leave with the kids, even if I ensure that he will still be able to see them etc while we are working through this. My understanding is just taking them he can say I am taking them without his consent.. So if he disagrees is that it? Do I have to force myself to stay under the same roof with him? Staying in a different room just does not feel like enough of a separation right now. I would rather do the trial separation first rather than have to go straight to lawyers. But if he does not agree I don’t know what else to do. Has anyone else been in this situation? Will I have to go straight through the lawyer route if I want this separation? I need to do something different because this cycle has been going on too long and talking to him never seems to work and right now Im just feeling so trapped right now and trying to move forward seeming so hard. :crying:


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## Broken_in_Brooklyn (Feb 21, 2013)

Is there any way you can plan a family holiday to come back to the states, all of you? In a way that he suspects nothing. Then run and file for divorce. 

Have you registered your children as US citizens born abroad? Do they have passports?


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

"The problem with this option right now is that I don’t think my husband will let me know leave with the kids, even if I ensure that he will still be able to see them etc while we are working through this. My understanding is just taking them he can say I am taking them without his consent.. So if he disagrees is that it? Do I have to force myself to stay under the same roof with him? Staying in a different room just does not feel like enough of a separation right now. I would rather do the trial separation first rather than have to go straight to lawyers. But if he does not agree I don’t know what else to do. Has anyone else been in this situation? Will I have to go straight through the lawyer route if I want this separation?"

PLEASE get a true separation (via a lawyer) -- this will ensure that custody/etc. get documented and taken care of legally so that he can't claim you "took" the kids, etc.. Make sure you have all your financial papers together (including debt), etc.. This will make sure that any debt HE creates after you have separated will be on HIM and not you if you decide to Divorce.

You need to talk with your family in Europe and get support via them -- just talking/explaining can help you there. Also, keep up with the counseling. Verbal abuse is STILL abuse, and you shouldn't have to put up with it.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need to seek legal advice as to what options you have.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Who's home country did you get married in? I would think you would need to seek legal counsel from whichever country granted the marriage license. You really need to reach out to family too, for support. I am sorry you are here again.


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