# I think I waited too long to post this



## huebnem (May 8, 2013)

Well, it is nearing the end of my deployment and I realized that I need to be sane when I get home so I am here for whatever help you can get.

Some details first. Both my wife and I are in the military and she has a daughter from a previous marriage. This is my first marriage and her third. We got married last year on July 14th and we both deployed to different locations in the middle east on January 1st of this year. She is at a large, populated, and very relaxed and safe location...I am not in the best place on earth right now. Her first marriage she was beaten, her second marriage her husband left and cheated as soon as she got pregnant and he hasn't contacted her for 3 year or paid child support.


Well, I don't know where to start because honestly by this point I could write a book. I guess I will start with saying that my wife is very quick to anger depending on how you look at it. If something bothers her, big or small, she will wait for weeks or even months before exploding. As an example I have always folded my shirts into thirds so I continued to do it while married. I was on the couch with no communication from her for 4 days because she wanted them folded in half but she never told me that.

Right now I am dealing with a divorce because of what happened on this deployment. Pre-deployment things may be relevant but that would be too much. Everyone that goes on deployment will tell you that communication is a MUST for anyone. We both have Facebook, email, Skype, Magic Jack, and she got a cell phone that works in Kuwait. 

Almost as soon as we both get over here she stops talking to me. Not completely of course but if she talked to me it was only on Facebook and it was one or two word answers and sometimes just dots or single letters in reply. Well, during the first two months this did bother and upset me but I did my best to try and get her to communicate and that is when it all started. 

First, she starts repeatedly accusing me of cheating out of nowhere and I don't know where she came up with the idea...there were only 2 females in the same area as me and they are both married and close to retirement age. Second, when I check her email and Facebook I find out that most of the times she told me that she was in bed and sleeping she was not. She was giving me nothing for messages but she was chatting non-stop with a new guy she met and with a few other people. She told me her Skype and Magic Jack never worked but she was racking up some hefty hours on there. She deleted all my emails but archived and responded to the guy I mentioned before. There were pictures sent but I was afraid to look.

When I confronted her about this she told me that I was smothering her and that she needed space. This was by the second month.

By the 4th month our Unit is involved because almost everyone has seen her walking around and hanging out with this guy for very long periods of time...sometimes until 5 in the morning. So they bring me to her location for 3 weeks during which we have a marriage retreat. Well, I get back and she doesn't want to see me at all for the first week. I tried to go see her at the USO where she volunteers and she tells me I am creeping on her. So I wait and after 7 days there she agrees to come over and spend the night but she doesn't get done with work until 2am. Well, 230 rolls around and not a single word so I text her and she tell me that she is just with friends. She didn't show up until 5 in the morning.

During the retreat I put my food down and told her that we were going to talk. I poured everything out. I was a wreck I know but I put every feeling and emotion I had into it. I needed her and our daughter because I loved them and whatever was going on was killing me. I even told her that I still wanted to adopt her daughter. Deployments are stressful enough without any extra drama. Well, I pour everything out and she just sits there with the most blank, cold look I have ever seen on someone's face. It still creeps me out now when I think about how much nothingness was there. She even made fun of me for crying when I looked at pictures of Rose, her daughter, and thought of losing her...I still can't look at her pictures.

5 days after that she tells me that I only married her for the money and that I faked caring about her daughter to get with her. Keep in mind that I bought the house, emptied 2 savings accounts to get our family going, and married someone with a child that I wanted to adopt. I may not be the smartest person but I know I didn't marry her for the money. One night I got over to her housing area to pick up some things from her and the guy she has been talking to is in her bed, laying across it, holding the computer and waiting for her to get back in. Her roommate told me that this had been happening a lot, she didn't know if they were having sex but the situations were very inappropriate for a married woman.

After all of this she tells me that she thinks we should just be in a contract marriage and that we should see other people but not tell each other. All I saw at that point was red...I was furious. I had put a lot into this marriage up to this point. I had even taken her daughter under my wing. I had poured everything out to her and this is the response I get? After all of that and the constant accusation of cheating I gave up...I told her what she wanted to her and that yes we can see other people.

Well, a day later I get separation papers. The next day our joint account with thousands in it is empty. 4 days later I am holding divorce papers with a hand written note telling me to go off and be happy with all of my *****s.

As soon as she had filed for separation she had also changed her name on Facebook back to her maiden name and listed herself as single. All of our mutual friends rushed to her aid. For the next 2 months is was the theme of "Screw men" and "Yeah he was a complete jerk to you". She also posted oh so very many inspirational pictures that described what she wanted...all of which was almost exactly what I did for her and talked to her about.

Now after learning that she won't get the house and struggling with money, she wants to work things out. It started this week and I can say that it isn't looking good already. She says she is sorry, but she still refuses to own up to things even when I show her the screen print of these conversations with the other guy. She claims she was helping him with his marriage. I am dealing with what I think is a mild case of depression...I can't sleep, I can't eat, and it feels like my insides are trying to sheer apart almost all hours of the day. When I tell her that I am feeling depressed and that I want to take care of it her only response is "Poor u" and nothing else. Just like before she repeatedly calls me a girl when I show my emotions and calls me a liar at almost every turn.



I don't know what to do anymore. There is more to tell, left some details out, but it is all to much to tell at once. After 8 months of this crap and being pulled in every direction I need some grasp at sanity before I return home.


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## GutPunch (Nov 2, 2012)

Divorce her....You know what to do. 

Move on with your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## FeministInPink (Sep 13, 2012)

To be honest, it doesn't sound like this situation could have been helped in any way. You'll be better off without the crazy in your life. Divorce her, and take care of yourself. 

Does the service have any counseling/therapist services you can take advantage of? I'd suggest that you look into those options, if you're suffering from some depression -- and you can also talk about your marital issues as well.

I wish you well *hugs*


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## BURNT KEP (Oct 3, 2012)

Run Forrest run


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