# Need some honesty from a male perspective



## confused72 (Jan 1, 2010)

I'm only still in my marriage because of my two boys. Porn has always been an issue in our marriage. But a few months ago my husband lost a very good job becuase of violating the internet use agreement. I've always thought and often asked him if there wasn't more going on than porn. He always denied it but after he lost his job he admitted that four years ago while I was on a ventalator after surgery he went into an adult book store. He said he was approached by a girl who offered a lap dance and he accepted. apparently there is this big room upstairs with chairs in it... He swears it was "just a lap dance" I just can't imagine that it ended there. It it possible or is he just playing me for a fool yet again?


----------



## Holding Pattern (Dec 31, 2009)

You were in the hospital on a ventilator and he went to an adult bookstore and got a lap dance?
I think that alone says volumes.

Then your family's security was put in jeopardy because he violated internet agreement?

As a family man, I don't see either family or man in this behavior.


----------



## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

Well if he got fired for watching porn at work, who cares if there is more going on than that. Isn't that just over the top awful as it is?

Meh... to the lap dance. It was probably just a lap dance nothiny more. I don't know whether it really means anything that he did it either, men can just freak out completely when their wives are having surgery.

You should be reading him the riot act over getting fired for the porn at work though.


----------



## cody5 (Sep 2, 2009)

What kind of "more" are you worried about re: the lapdance? Do you think the ***** took a shine to your husband and they started dating? Do you think they had a real emotional connection among the sperm stained upholstery and rugs? 

He had a lapdance, probably ejaculated, the stripper took his money and walked away, only to start waiting for the next payday. It was a financial transaction for her, and a VERY dissapointing experience for him after the ejaculation. Once the man is done, these women get their kicks out of advertising their disgust and walking away (or so I've heard ). Pity him, don't be angry. And especially don't be jealous, for gods sake.


----------



## SoxMunkey (Jan 1, 2010)

Holding Pattern said:


> You were in the hospital on a ventilator and he went to an adult bookstore and got a lap dance?
> I think that alone says volumes.
> 
> Then your family's security was put in jeopardy because he violated internet agreement?
> ...


I couldn't agree more!! Has he even considered seeking any therapy over his porn addiction?


----------



## confused72 (Jan 1, 2010)

No I don't think there was any kind of emotional connection. I just don't believe a word he says anymore and wondered if he may have purchased more than a dance.


----------



## Just_Venting (Jan 12, 2010)

First of all if you say you are only in the marriage for your children then that is the first problem.

There obviously is other issues going on. 

Never stay with someone because of children. All you are doing is raising kids in an unhealthy environment. What they see is how they will act. 

Too many people stay with people "because of the kids". That is part of what is wrong with society today. Kids are all screwed up because parents thing it is best to "stay together" for the kids sake. Kids are not stupid and they see what is going on...

I feel for your issue but I would just go ahead and divorce now. This way you and the children and him for that matter can be happy and you don't have to be with someone who is addicted to porn rather than you...


----------



## Mittens (Jan 9, 2010)

I completely agree with Just Venting.
My parents "stayed together for the kids" and as much as
they could not see it, it was horrible growing up in an environment like that.
Kids are like little emotional sponges. They feed off the emotions around them. If those emotions are positive, they can grow and thrive, where as if there are constant negatives (key word being constant, as everyone knows no family or person is perfect) the child(ren) will also reflect that.
My parents waited till I (happening to be the youngest) was in my late teens to divorce and it was an absolute gong show. 
I'm sure my siblings could attest that if that truely and completely is the -only- reason you are with him, it is definitely more kind to get it over quickly and relatively painlessly like a bandaid instead of prolonging it into a longer battle than neccessary.


----------

