# Need help for a friend



## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

I know I don't usually post in this forum but a very nice lady I work with needs assistance. She is newly divorced because her husband cheated and is still living with her sister. Yes you read that right. It's disgusting. Anyway she had asked me to help her to write a dating profile since the one that her friend helped her with makes it sound like she is an easy lay. But everything I write seems to be too clinical. I was hoping the wonderful people here could impart some tips I can relay to her. Things I know about her. She loves music especially live. She loves the ocean and goes to the beach as often as possible. She's got mild anxiety and trust issues (who wouldn't after this right?) She is dark skinned Italian, slightly overweight but she carries it well. She's really a wonderful person who has suffered a terrible tragedy and really needs to get out there and meet people. Anyone have any ideas of how to write a dating profile that won't attract perverts and doesn't sound like an algebra equation?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

If any woman has managed to write an online dating profile that does not attract perverts, I too would be super-excited to hear about it.....


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Need help for a friend*



Rowan said:


> If any woman has managed to write an online dating profile that does not attract perverts, I too would be super-excited to hear about it.....


Yeah I guess that's true enough. But her current profile makes it seem as if she is just out for a good time when the truth is just the opposite. I just don't have the knowledge to help her with this. She's been absolutely devastated by what's happened and needs start interacting with others before depression sets in.


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## WolverineFan (Nov 26, 2013)

Rowan - that was truly funny. Thanks for making me laugh!


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

You should be asking the men here what they would interpret as the type of lady that would consider introducing to their mother.

I did online dating for a brief moment so here are my thoughts on it

1. Don't be negative. Say what you want and don't say what you don't want. Both men and women come off as negative if they write something like "No games please" or something like that.

2. Have at least 2, or maybe only 2, photos of yourself. One that shows the face and the other that shows the body (fully covered) of course. I read that men do not want to be surprised by an elephant in the room, so to speak.

3. Certain phrases have come to be interpreted negatively. For example, "a traditional woman" is interpreted as someone who refuses to contribute to the cost of date. "Loves to travel" has to be interpreted as "I'm hoping to find a guy who will fund my travel plans."

After that, maybe you should take this to the men's forum.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Why don't you post the profile she has now on here. It would be interesting to see why you think is wrong with it.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

HA!! Here's a site that will write your profile for you for a fee.

Online Dating Profile Writers - Attract Quality Men Online


I guess a lot of people struggle with this.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

Her current profile says things like she wants to have fun, not interested in a commitment, likes to have a couple of drinks and relax. All of that may be true but the way it's written I interpret it as she just wants to hook up. Of course that's not what she intended but that's how it read to me. I just would like to help her out. Her ex just absolutely slammed her and she is very down. The fact that he cheated and is still with her sister is just infuriating to me. He is a devious bastard and stole everything from her. He abused her for years and destroyed any confidence she might have had. I've helped her find housing, a part time job, and guided her through applying for short term government aid so they wouldn't starve. I'll point her to that site EleGirl. Thanks.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

If that's the way it's written, yea not good. 

Most of the things that I found in a search are tips on how to write one. Here's a link to one that I think has some good ideas.

7 Ways to Become the Type of Woman Men Fight for Online | Joshua Pompey


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Rowan said:


> If any woman has managed to write an online dating profile that does not attract perverts, I too would be super-excited to hear about it.....


I did it. 

Bfree,
You're a nice friend. Before she even thinks about online dating, send her to a divorce care group. Have her check out meetup.coms in her city. Send her the link to this place. After that, if she is ready to start dating because she misses interaction with men and not as a way to build her self confidence, I would suggest the following.
1) Don't mention no commitment...she doesn't want a player
2) Don't mention drinking to relax.
3) Focus on the positive. Do not mention her cheating ex etc
4) Talk about her interests and her outlook on life. I think the love of travel is fine.
5) I had 3 pics. All fully clothed. No swimsuit pics or bedroom shots etc. I had one from the waist up but not a full body shot.
6) Use the various fill in bits for the filtering information. ie separated etc, political persuausion, religion


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Need help for a friend*



EleGirl said:


> If that's the way it's written, yea not good.
> 
> Most of the things that I found in a search are tips on how to write one. Here's a link to one that I think has some good ideas.
> 
> 7 Ways to Become the Type of Woman Men Fight for Online | Joshua Pompey


Thanks again EleGirl. This is going to help a lot.


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## bfree (Sep 30, 2012)

*Re: Re: Need help for a friend*



Fenix said:


> I did it.
> 
> Bfree,
> You're a nice friend. Before she even thinks about online dating, send her to a divorce care group. Have her check out meetup.coms in her city. Send her the link to this place. After that, if she is ready to start dating because she misses interaction with men and not as a way to build her self confidence, I would suggest the following.
> ...


Thanks Fenix. I told her about this site but she didn't seem interested. Meetups.com is a good idea. I wouldn't have thought of that. I've suggested support groups but she didn't think her anxiety would let her do group meets. This guy really messed her up. I've met him and it took everything I had not to punch him in the face. He's every bad thing you could think of about a guy. She's such a nice lady. It's awful that she's in this situation after putting up with all she had to for years.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

bfree said:


> Thanks Fenix. I told her about this site but she didn't seem interested. Meetups.com is a good idea. I wouldn't have thought of that. I've suggested support groups but she didn't think her anxiety would let her do group meets. This guy really messed her up. I've met him and it took everything I had not to punch him in the face. He's every bad thing you could think of about a guy. She's such a nice lady. It's awful that she's in this situation after putting up with all she had to for years.


Lots of us have been there, bfree. Maybe that will help her to know.


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