# Wedding Last Night



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

We attended a wedding.

First one I've witnessed since I've been on TAM.

My how perceptions change.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Did you find the monologue - also known as wedding vows - humorous?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Ceegee said:


> Did you find the monologue - also known as wedding vows - humorous?


I heard the groom say he was "lucky to have her"


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

And thus the downward spiral begins.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Wedding Last Night*



Ceegee said:


> And thus the downward spiral begins.


Or the opportunity to grow and experience what life has to offer.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

06Daddio08 said:


> Or the opportunity to grow and experience what life has to offer.


Sure, I'm just a little cynical today. I was commenting on the "lucky" statement, not the institution of marriage in general.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Just because a couple tied the knot doesn't mean their life is going in a downward spiral. Not all marriages are failures.

There are many very successful marriages. Especially where both the husband and wife are very happy and their needs are fully met.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Ceegee said:


> And thus the downward spiral begins.


If he carries that feeling forward, you are exactly correct.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Wedding Last Night*



Conrad said:


> If he carries that feeling forward, you are exactly correct.


Unless his actions say otherwise.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Just because a couple tied the knot doesn't mean their life is going in a downward spiral. Not all marriages are failures.
> 
> There are many very successful marriages. Especially where both the husband and wife are very happy and their needs are fully met.


Of course not. I still believe in marriage and hope that I'll be able to find someone to share the rest of my life with. 

I will love that person but I will not put her on a pedestal and think that I am lucky to have her. 

I just refuse to devalue myself and hold someone else higher.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

*Re: Re: Wedding Last Night*



Ceegee said:


> Of course not. I still believe in marriage and hope that I'll be able to find someone to share the rest of my life with.
> 
> I will love that person but I will not put her on a pedestal and think that I am lucky to have her.
> 
> I just refuse to devalue myself and hold someone else higher.


It is possible to stand side by side with sometime, consider them your equal and feel "lucky" to have found such a complimentary person for yourself.

Luck is just a word and it carries certain feelings, which are within your ability to control.


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## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Hope it was open bar at least ...


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

06Daddio08 said:


> It is possible to stand side by side with sometime, consider them your equal and feel "lucky" to have found such a complimentary person for yourself.
> 
> Luck is just a word and it carries certain feelings, which are within your ability to control.


Of course. That would be the healthy way of looking at it. However, these boards are filled with people, like myself, that thought they were lucky to have their spouse because the were prettier, smarter, more popular, etc. 

I turned a blind eye to her debt because I was luck to have her. I lived in a sexless marriage because I was lucky to have her. 

I'm just reading the crowd here in TAM and offering my two cents. People need to value themselves more.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Did you give him MMSL as a wedding gift?


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

Shaggy said:


> Did you give him MMSL as a wedding gift?


Wish someone would have given to me.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Deejo said:


> Hope it was open bar at least ...


Indeed, it was

So, the depression didn't last.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Ceegee said:


> Wish someone would have given to me.


We did as soon as you asked for it.


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Ceegee said:


> Wish someone would have given to me.


Even if someone would have given it to me I would have ignored it.

Just to show you how delusioned I was.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

ReGroup said:


> Even if someone would have given it to me I would have ignored it.
> 
> Just to show you how delusioned I was.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We joke around about waiting until our wives ask us.... which means they're ready to hear.

You do realize we're the same way.

It's called human nature.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

My hb is lucky to have me. That being said I'm also lucky to have him. There should always be balance.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> My hb is lucky to have me. That being said I'm also lucky to have him. There should always be balance.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Balance, true. 

I was lucky to have my wife and she me. I realized it but she didn't. 

Had I valued myself more I would have done something about it.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

ReGroup said:


> Even if someone would have given it to me I would have ignored it.
> 
> Just to show you how delusioned I was.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


So true. I started reading on TAM a year before separation. I didn't want to listen. Seemed counterproductive.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Ceegee said:


> So true. I started reading on TAM a year before separation. I didn't want to listen. Seemed counterproductive.


If our instincts led us on the right path, why would we be in this forum?


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Conrad said:


> If our instincts led us on the right path, why would we be in this forum?


I love this quote.

It's so difficult going against what we "think" is right.

It's going to be so refreshing starting something new equipped with new insight and awareness.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ceegee said:


> Balance, true.
> 
> I was lucky to have my wife and she me. I realized it but she didn't.
> 
> Had I valued myself more I would have done something about it.



Hopefully you value yourself now. My hb jokes that he purposely stood back while I married my jerk ex, this way it would be easier to look good (didn't know him then, just a joke). There is truth to that though, sometimes you have to experience some cr#p before you can appreciate something good. My hb is a great guy and I'm sure I would appreciate him anyway, but having dealt with my ex I appreciate him a whole lot more. Maybe your ex will appreciate you more after she experiences some cr#p.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hopefully you value yourself now. My hb jokes that he purposely stood back while I married my jerk ex, this way it would be easier to look good (didn't know him then, just a joke). There is truth to that though, sometimes you have to experience some cr#p before you can appreciate something good. My hb is a great guy and I'm sure I would appreciate him anyway, but having dealt with my ex I appreciate him a whole lot more. Maybe your ex will appreciate you more after she experiences some cr#p.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Wait till she gets a glimpse of the new and improved Ceege.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

ReGroup said:


> I love this quote.
> 
> It's so difficult going against what we "think" is right.
> 
> ...


Just as attraction begins in the subconscious - so do the fear-based emotional reactions of codependence.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

I have been to some very lovely weddings since being separated/divorced. At times, it was a little melancholy, but all-in-all it is nice to feel the love and hope and admiration that radiates off the bride and groom.

Just because my marriage failed, I am not going to sit in judgement on others and pretend that I know the inner workings of their relationship....It is nice to enjoy a good celebration of love and dreams of a happy future. Personally, I think what that groom said was very, very sweet. 

Weddings are fun.


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

Conrad said:


> If our instincts led us on the right path, why would we be in this forum?


Because sometimes poopy things happen in life.

Just because you make all the right and wise moves, you are not guaranteed a "pain-free" existence.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

jpr said:


> Because sometimes poopy things happen in life.
> 
> Just because you make all the right and wise moves, you are not guaranteed a "pain-free" existence.


Don't remember saying anyone was guaranteed a "pain-free" existence.

Perhaps you can show me my quote?


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## jpr (Dec 14, 2011)

You are right, Conrad. I was assuming that you were implying that we are all on this forum because we made some awful mistakes in marrying and trusting another human being.

...I did the exact same thing that you did when you assumed that just because the groom commented that he was "lucky" to have his wife, that his marriage in going in a downward spiral from here.


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hopefully you value yourself now. My hb jokes that he purposely stood back while I married my jerk ex, this way it would be easier to look good (didn't know him then, just a joke). There is truth to that though, sometimes you have to experience some cr#p before you can appreciate something good. My hb is a great guy and I'm sure I would appreciate him anyway, but having dealt with my ex I appreciate him a whole lot more. Maybe your ex will appreciate you more after she experiences some cr#p.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe she will. Hopefully, by then, I won't care.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Ceegee said:


> Maybe she will. Hopefully, by then, I won't care.



Hopefully, but think of how much more you'll appreciate a good woman after dealing with this 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Ceegee (Sep 9, 2012)

lifeistooshort said:


> Hopefully, but think of how much more you'll appreciate a good woman after dealing with this
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


We shall see 👀.


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## Northern Monkey (May 2, 2013)

A couple of my favorite posters in here are in fact still going strong with their spouse after many years and many troubles.

I'm glad I ventured out of the "doom n gloom" areas of TAM as they have helped remind me, there is hope for a happy (not fairytale) working union, IF you both approach things right.

Somehow my own marriage hasn't jaded me to the thought of being with someone till death do us part. Whether that would entail the ceremony and piece of paper or not I don't know but I still get the idea of a lifelong partner.


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