# broken trust



## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

I just found out my husband is recording our conversation again with out me knowing. He did so many years ago and lacked respect towards me and wouldn't let me listen to the recordings so that we could resolve things together. He says he's only doing it for his benefit yet he feels telling me that he's doing so is irrelevant to his respect for me. I don't know what to think other than I don't think I can trust him any longer. He said that his psychiatrist from childhood and 15 years ago said that it was okay for him to record our conversations without letting me know that he was doing so..


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

Buy an audio jammer and carry it with you everywhere in his presence. We use them on certain contracts at work. You can even use them to jam conversations over the telephone. 

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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

freckles18 said:


> I just found out my husband is recording our conversation again with out me knowing. He did so many years ago and lacked respect towards me and wouldn't let me listen to the recordings so that we could resolve things together. He says he's only doing it for his benefit yet he feels telling me that he's doing so is irrelevant to his respect for me. I don't know what to think other than I don't think I can trust him any longer. He said that his psychiatrist from childhood and 15 years ago said that it was okay for him to record our conversations without letting me know that he was doing so..


Why do you care? Is it that you think he will let other people listen to them? Do you say things that you regret later? Obviously, you and he remember what was said so a recording won't make much difference there.


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## Loveontherocks (Oct 17, 2016)

That's so weird, how can he just think it's okay to record you without letting you know? You're right not to trust him.

I think the psychiatrist is out of order telling him to record you without your consent as it's not only morally wrong but I'm pretty sure it's illegal.

I really don't know what advice to give you as I've never heard of anyone else in this situation. Is your relationship worth all this or would you be happier alone?


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

VermisciousKnid said:


> freckles18 said:
> 
> 
> > I just found out my husband is recording our conversation again with out me knowing. He did so many years ago and lacked respect towards me and wouldn't let me listen to the recordings so that we could resolve things together. He says he's only doing it for his benefit yet he feels telling me that he's doing so is irrelevant to his respect for me. I don't know what to think other than I don't think I can trust him any longer. He said that his psychiatrist from childhood and 15 years ago said that it was okay for him to record our conversations without letting me know that he was doing so..
> ...


I care because I feel like it's an invasion of my privacy and I'm concerned about the lack of respect shown toward me so of course I would be concerned about what he's doing with the recorded conversations.


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

Loveontherocks said:


> That's so weird, how can he just think it's okay to record you without letting you know? You're right not to trust him.
> 
> I think the psychiatrist is out of order telling him to record you without your consent as it's not only morally wrong but I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
> 
> ...



Now the problem is do I believe him when he says he was told it's okay for him to do that. There seems to be no boundaries to what he feels is okay to do or lie about (if that's the case). 
I don't feel safe emotionally in this marriage anymore.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

freckles18 said:


> I don't feel safe emotionally in this marriage anymore.


Then end it. He won't stop because you're right. He has NO RESPECT for you. 

Recording your conversations is perverse to say the least. Your husband is a whack job.

Run from this creeper. Don't be surprised if he's recording your intimate moments either....


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## GreyEcho (Sep 28, 2016)

That's illegal in some states!!!


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

It's legal where I am from


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

BetrayedDad said:


> freckles18 said:
> 
> 
> > I don't feel safe emotionally in this marriage anymore.
> ...


I'd like to hope he's not a whack job but I am very concerned about there not being any respect. This just adds to the list of things that shows he doesn't respect me. 
He promised we wouldn't do it again but I'm having a hard time believing that.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

Loveontherocks said:


> > That's so weird, how can he just think it's okay to record you without letting you know? You're right not to trust him.
> >
> > I think the psychiatrist is out of order telling him to record you without your consent as it's not only morally wrong but I'm pretty sure it's illegal.
> >
> ...


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

What conversation is he recording...everything or arguments?? 

I read your other thread...there is a reason you two were separated for four years. Your marriage does not work, he has zero respect for you.


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## VermisciousKnid (Dec 27, 2011)

freckles18 said:


> I care because I feel like it's an invasion of my privacy and I'm concerned about the lack of respect shown toward me so of course I would be concerned about what he's doing with the recorded conversations.


I recall that a while back it was suggested to a spouse that she secretly record her husband during an argument and play it back to him at another time so he could hear how crazy he sounded when angry. 

I'm just saying that there are a couple of legitimate reasons for secretly recording someone. Not saying that you fit either category, but the possibility exists. 

What are your arguments with your husband like?


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

I've thought about doing this so I wouldn't be gaslit. It is legal, in my state, to do this in your own home without the other person knowing. 
I also put on in his car and that's how I knew OW2 was in there making out with him.


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## VeryHurt (Mar 11, 2011)

Creepy.
Be careful.


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

It's strange. Does he explain why he feels the need to record you? Is he using it as a form of control?


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

I think I've been holding on to whatever shred of respect he has had for me in the past. 
For me, I think this is it now. We have a history with him secretly recording me and how he was deceptive about them in the past so it's not like he's done this not realizing the damage that it can do. I'm seeing that nothing much has changed.


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

freckles18 said:


> I think I've been holding on to whatever shred of respect he has had for me in the past.
> For me, I think this is it now. We have a history with him secretly recording me and how he was deceptive about them in the past so it's not like he's done this not realizing the damage that it can do. I'm seeing that nothing much has changed.


This is in reply to 3xcharm


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

VermisciousKnid said:


> freckles18 said:
> 
> 
> > I care because I feel like it's an invasion of my privacy and I'm concerned about the lack of respect shown toward me so of course I would be concerned about what he's doing with the recorded conversations.
> ...


I agree that there are some legitimate reasons for doing so. 

He said that he recorded this conversation after I was trying to leave the house with him an inch away from my face egging me on and screaming at me to shut up, shut up. I just kept repeating to him to get away from me as I was was trying to tie my shoes at the front door. 
After all that and things cooled down, I went up to him in our bedroom and told him his anger scared me. That's when he recorded the rest of the conversation.


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

tropicalbeachiwish said:


> It's strange. Does he explain why he feels the need to record you? Is he using it as a form of control?


He says he does it for his own benefit only. 
He does try to hold the relationship together with angry outbursts. I believe he has abandonment issues.


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

3Xnocharm said:


> What conversation is he recording...everything or arguments??
> 
> I read your other thread...there is a reason you two were separated for four years. Your marriage does not work, he has zero respect for you.


He said that he recorded this conversation after I was trying to leave the house with him an inch away from my face egging me on and screaming at me to shut up, shut up. I just kept repeating to him to get away from me as I was was trying to tie my shoes at the front door. After all that and things cooled down, I went up to him in our bedroom and told him his anger scared me. That's when he recorded the rest of the conversation.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

freckles18 said:


> He said that he recorded this conversation after I was trying to leave the house with him an inch away from my face egging me on and screaming at me to shut up, shut up. I just kept repeating to him to get away from me as I was was trying to tie my shoes at the front door. After all that and things cooled down, I went up to him in our bedroom and told him his anger scared me. That's when he recorded the rest of the conversation.


Maybe you should be carrying around a recorder as well.


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

GTdad said:


> freckles18 said:
> 
> 
> > He said that he recorded this conversation after I was trying to leave the house with him an inch away from my face egging me on and screaming at me to shut up, shut up. I just kept repeating to him to get away from me as I was was trying to tie my shoes at the front door. After all that and things cooled down, I went up to him in our bedroom and told him his anger scared me. That's when he recorded the rest of the conversation.
> ...


Maybe I should but I don't think that I'm that stealth, unless of course, I announce it and then his demeanour would probably change.


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## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

freckles18 said:


> Maybe I should but I don't think that I'm that stealth, unless of course, I announce it and then his demeanour would probably change.


That in itself may be worth the price of admission.

So what do you plan to do with this information? Him recording you sounds like it may be one of the least of the difficulties in your marriage.


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## Loveontherocks (Oct 17, 2016)

@freckles18 if you don't feel safe within your marriage then you need o explore your options, maybe it would be in your best interest to walk away.

If he has been told to record you then that's a breach of your privacy and totally an unprofessional request from his psychiatrist. I don't get it at all.

Have you tried to explain to your husband how this is making you feel?


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## Loveontherocks (Oct 17, 2016)

katies said:


> I've thought about doing this so I wouldn't be gaslit. It is legal, in my state, to do this in your own home without the other person knowing.
> 
> I also put on in his car and that's how I knew OW2 was in there making out with him.



@katies can I ask you what gaslit is? 


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

Loveontherocks said:


> @katies can I ask you what gaslit is?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a victim is manipulated into doubting their own memory, perception, and sanity.


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## Loveontherocks (Oct 17, 2016)

katies said:


> Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a victim is manipulated into doubting their own memory, perception, and sanity.




Thanks for that. During a session with my counsellor said she felt I may be being gaslit and I didn't know what it meant and had totally forgotten about it until I read your comment. 


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

GTdad said:


> freckles18 said:
> 
> 
> > Maybe I should but I don't think that I'm that stealth, unless of course, I announce it and then his demeanour would probably change.
> ...


I will now probably start looking for a job and contacting my lawyer to find out my options


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

Loveontherocks said:


> @freckles18 if you don't feel safe within your marriage then you need o explore your options, maybe it would be in your best interest to walk away.
> 
> If he has been told to record you then that's a breach of your privacy and totally an unprofessional request from his psychiatrist. I don't get it at all.
> 
> ...


That's why I think he's being untruthful because I can't imagine any licensed psychiatrist would suggest that..but then again, I'm sure stranger things have happened. 
Yes, just today (and I just found out today) I told him I feel very disrespected and he can't understand why.


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## ABHale (Jan 3, 2016)

Still at a lost to why he is doing it....

Is it to try and hold it over you later?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

ABHale said:


> Still at a lost to why he is doing it....
> 
> Is it to try and hold it over you later?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I don't know. I suppose tonight after he gets home from work, I may ask him. 
It could be he either thinks I'm raging at him or who knows. I need to find out at what point did he feel he needed to record us. 
Just some history of what I'm dealing with..
A long time ago, we were arguing one day and after we both cooled down, I came onto the same floor of the house as him and said (from about 20 feet away) that we needed to sort this out and he jumped on the phone and called the cops and told them I was in a rage and that he needed help. He acknowledges that doing that was wrong but still, I will never forget that. 
I think maybe his perception of reality is still skewed.


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## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Other than detecting cheating; or getting proof of abuse, there isn't any reason to record your spouses conversations.

If someone feels that they have to continuously record their partner: either audio or video; then that relationship isn't worth saving.


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## freckles18 (Sep 4, 2010)

notmyrealname4 said:


> Other than detecting cheating; or getting proof of abuse, there isn't any reason to record your spouses conversations.
> 
> If someone feels that they have to continuously record their partner: either audio or video; then that relationship isn't worth saving.


I'm starting to arrive at that conclusion myself now


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

freckles18 said:


> I think maybe his perception of reality is still skewed.


Yes.


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