# Soon to be x wife is poising my children



## jonprofeta (Mar 31, 2017)

So I am going though a divorce right now. Long story short she was caught cheating and was doing it for 3 years. I tried to save the marriage for my two kids 5 and 7 boys. It was a one way street. She is currently still with the same guy. I have since worked on myself and refound myself as a person and am working on true happiness before I ever think about dating. We still live together but she wants me out in the worst way. We own the house jointly so I am waiting for a buyout price. She is doing everything she can to get me out so she can move on and get child support and do what she wants with her life. I am staying in the house because I am not a run of the mill father. I coach all of their sports been dropping them off for either the sitter or school for the past 7 years. I take off when they are sick or need to go to doctors or if he didn’t have a sitter. My soon to be x has had 6 jobs in the last 7 years and has not had a stable teaching job. Not to add she met her boyfriend at one of the schools she taught at. We pay all the bills jointly still well I pay for them and she gives me money towards what she wants to sometimes. We split the week up every other day m-f with the kids under the same roof. Now we just started the every other weekends. It was her first weekend with the kids and she is telling the kids if I am home downstairs in my room they are not allowed to come down to see me at all. It’s not my time. She called the cops on me last Monday and I have everything recorded every time saying that she felt threatened but you can clearly hear nothing happened and she sounds like she is being coached. She knows the only way she can get me out is domestic abuse or neglect on bills. And I have not done either. She argues in front of the kids and talked badly about me in front of them when she speaks to me calling me a loser for living in the basement and that the kids don’t want to be around me when it’s her time. The kids want to be around both of us and she is delusional. I have everything on recording of all the times she talked badly to me or argued in front of the kids. What can I do about how she is poising the kids and telling them things that sound so Insane. If this was me doing this I would be getting kicked out. Please help and sorry so long. 


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

When mean gets in em' they stay mean.

No amount of dignity can she muster.

So, when the house is sold, what happens then?

Both of you get 'places', you then pay alimony and child support?


What did your lawyer say?

Make sure you treat the children gently, never raise your voice. The children will see who is good and who is not.


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## jonprofeta (Mar 31, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> When mean gets in em' they stay mean.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




She wants to buy me out. We have over 100k in Equity but she’s probably not gonna be able to afford it even with my child support money that I give her so she said she was going to sell it it’s just the house and I told her we do sell it then I’m going for custodial. I am only giving her child support. My attorney just tells me to keep my cool keep recording. I don’t raise my voice at all I apologize to the kids if she does or talked badly. When she called the cops I had it on recording. Everything. I showed her that I was recording the whole time and she changed her tune when calling the police. She told the kids and I have it on recording that daddy thinks he can do what he wants and not get in trouble. I took them to school after and they asked me why the cops were there and I told them that there was some bad kids doing things in the neighborhood and they want to ask mommy and daddy because that’s what you tell a five and seven-year-olds. It’s just insane. If this was me doing what she’s doing I would be taken away in cuffs for it. 


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I went back and read some of your old posts in your other threads.

My only advice is keep doing what you are doing.

She is making a bad situation worse. People fall out of love, it happens. The way she went about treating you was very unfair.

Time is your friend. Time will eventually see you through this mess.

You have your health, that is gold. You have a job that is silver.

You have sweet children, that is priceless. Live for your children.

Look straight through your EX wife, or STBXW. Pretend she isn't there.

She isn't there for you and the kids. 

She is miserable, it shows, once you finally split up she will continue to be miserable.

You?

You will be broke.
Broke but healthy.

You enjoy your children, she sees them as burdensome. 
A good person would not run down the other parent for no good reason.

Money comes and goes. Good and bad comes and goes.

When she is out of your life, a big chunk of bad went.....elsewhere.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I hope she cannot come back at you asking for alimony when her life crumbles.

What's with the boyfriend?

Will he bail her out when you two are finally divorced?

How do you thing it will play out, with her then living in the house that she cannot afford?

Will the new man move in?


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## jonprofeta (Mar 31, 2017)

SunCMars said:


> I hope she cannot come back at you asking for alimony when her life crumbles.
> 
> What's with the boyfriend?
> 
> ...




He has no kids never been married. They started hooking up in 2015when they met. She had to leave the school she was at because of rumors or her and him and a sex take or pictures. He was bragging to people that he was ****ing a married woman. He has a house that he redid and got from the hurricane sandy in the water. She watches those real house wife showed and the Kardashian’s and sees what her life should be like and that’s what she’s going for I guess. She thinks this dude is the best thing since sliced bread. But 75% of relationships that start out as affairs do not usually work. I would never take her back. Just making sure everyone knows that. This was a blessing in disguise I was able to see how truly unhappy I was and that I was not the same person I was and the beginning of the relationship I would do everything for her. 
We will sell the house split the equity in both get different places. I know ultimately her plan is to move in with him. 


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## x598 (Nov 14, 2012)

voice recording is not enough.

you are dealing with a woman that will just keep ratcheting up the rhetoric unitll she gets you arrested.

spy cams immediately. talk to a professional about setting it up.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Being a great dad is the antidote to her crazy poison. Kids like stability. They like being with a parent who has a stable job. They like being with a parent who doesn't bring a string of boyfriends home. They know you are calmer and easier to be around. You're not badmouthing their mom. You're not calling the police on her and bringing chaos to the house. Just keep being their supportive dad and they won't believe what she says.

As for what to tell your kids, tell them that their mom is pretty upset and not thinking clearly. Tell them that she's very upset with you and not thinking clearly.

But your home situation is dangerous for you. As you can imagine, it will be trivially easy for her to cook up some charges that stick. Make sure you have a recorder on you at all times. But also realize the environment is toxic for your kids. No matter how much you try to protect them, kids are going to feel the tension and feel anxious. 

One option might be to get a small apartment nearby and you and your wife switch off who lives in the house and the apartment. This is sometimes called a nesting arrangement. It allows the kids to stay in the house where just one parent is living there at a time.


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Are you working with an attorney? You should be. These are serious legal issues. You should fight for 50/50 custody and avoid child support. Or fight for full custody and demand child support. She doesn't sound like a fit mother (although we're only hearing your side).


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## FalCod (Dec 6, 2017)

Oh, and I think you mean "poisoning" rather than "poising". Unless you mean "posing", but that would seem odd in this context.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

A client long ago was in something similar, she would not leave, and was harassing him daily. He came up with a novel approach. Annoy her out the door. So he initiated a campaign. A few highlights; he went to a joke shop, and purchased "itching powder" which was liberally sprinkled on her new bed, every few days. He was still doing the cooking, and he was slipping mild laxatives into her food. (this I had a problem with, as it could be construed as assault)-he kept telling her she probably had a flu) Then, he escalated; he timed their alarm system to wake her at 3 in the morning, and he feigned that he did not know how to shut it off. This led to her being uncomfortable and sleep deprived. Led her to eventully assault her STBX. Led him to get her out, and get a restraining order. By the time she realized she had been masterfully played, she was sitting in a really crappy one bedroom, and seeing her children once a week, but she was sleeping fine, not itching and not crapping her pants.


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## MaiChi (Jun 20, 2018)

When we make decisions, we also try to justify them by our actions. She made a decision to stray and now she wants a reason for it. The children will mostly judge their parents fairly. They know who is who so the best way is to only worry about the children and look after them as best you can. They will know the truth of the situation. My brother married a chav and went through the same traumatic experience. Now both the children only want to stay with their dad and his new wife. They used to cry when their mother came to collect them. Now they simply say no despite a lot of persuasion from their dad. 

Its a shame but nice people should really never marry outside their group but it happens because they trust humanity and think we are all the same when we are clearly not.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Taxman said:


> A client long ago was in something similar, she would not leave, and was harassing him daily. He came up with a novel approach. Annoy her out the door. So he initiated a campaign. A few highlights; he went to a joke shop, and purchased "itching powder" which was liberally sprinkled on her new bed, every few days. He was still doing the cooking, and he was slipping mild laxatives into her food. (this I had a problem with, as it could be construed as assault)-he kept telling her she probably had a flu) Then, he escalated; he timed their alarm system to wake her at 3 in the morning, and he feigned that he did not know how to shut it off. This led to her being uncomfortable and sleep deprived. Led her to eventully assault her STBX. Led him to get her out, and get a restraining order. By the time she realized she had been masterfully played, she was sitting in a really crappy one bedroom, and seeing her children once a week, but she was sleeping fine, not itching and not crapping her pants.


This is a fun sitcom episode, but I would advise against it. If my STBX did this, I would be documenting every bit of it and use it to paint him as the immature jerk he was.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

It's a shame, sorry you're going through this.

Re the living arrangements; this is untenable in even a longer short run.
This is giving her time to prepare bad circumstances for you, as is being shared. 

She'll only get more vicious as time goes on and may dig a false ditch for you legally and damaging others' perceptions of you/your reputation in the community. 

This is inevitable based on info at hand, and similar circumstances observed in other cases.

It sounds like, to protect you and the kids, to go ahead and get an attorney, file quickly, sell the house and common goods, so you get out of this harmful situation, taking kids with you. 

You'll have 1/2 the equity, and a more positive environment for the kids. Make no mistake the kids are absorbing hurt from their present environment and the longer they're used as a weapon the more likely they'll have long term emotional damage.

Things will only get worse in present living conditions. That's pretty much a given. 

Man, get started. Before she overwhelms you with things she'll continue to make up about you.

Sadly, she's made her choice and her actions show she has no regard left for you. 

Peace and encouragement to you. You can do it.


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## Taxman (Dec 21, 2016)

personofinterest said:


> This is a fun sitcom episode, but I would advise against it. If my STBX did this, I would be documenting every bit of it and use it to paint him as the immature jerk he was.


She never tweaked to the passive aggressive campaign that he was waging. He maintained a poker face while she was red from head to toe and itching to beat the band. He even offered to rub calamine lotion on her.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Taxman said:


> She never tweaked to the passive aggressive campaign that he was waging. He maintained a poker face while she was red from head to toe and itching to beat the band. He even offered to rub calamine lotion on her.


Regardless, no one should attempt this. It makes for a funny story, but if anyone who is reading this thinks they should try it, DON'T! There is a good chance it will turn out badly for the perpetrator.


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## jonprofeta (Mar 31, 2017)

I wouldn’t do any of the jokes that were said in the previous comment. It would be funny but I’m not looking to laugh. (Maybe Down the line I will be laughing when her boyfriend leaves her for another co teacher. And knowing my stbx she cannot stand alone on her own two feet). I know you only get one side to the story on these forums so you can only answer my questions solely from what I am telling you. Yes I do have an attorney. We agreed on 50/50 with the children but in nys whoevever is the custodial parent where the kids use the address is the person who collects child support. She had a hard time keeping a job and friends. She thinks she has so many friends but it’s because she goes through them so quick. Word came back to me that she told everyone at her new job that the reason she is getting divorces because her husband cheated on her. She is playing the victim to everyone and wants everyone to feel bad for her. Also it makes her having a boyfriend right now not look bad. Ultimately in the end people will be able to see though all of the clouds once they lift. I know I am good at reading people and seeing who they are just by talking and spending time with them. She also hates that my her family still talks to me and mine hates her. They hate her for what she did. So she has been feeding lies to them so they start to resent me. I get it it is there daughter/ sister so they will have her back but they have already told me how much of a pos she is for what she did to me and her family / life we had created. The kids are starting a children’s therapist in the next week so I think that will be good. 


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## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

jonprofeta said:


> I know I am good at reading people and seeing who they are just by talking and spending time with them.


Well, let's think about that. It would seem that you were NOT good at reading your wife, now were you? If you were good at reading people, you would not have married her.

Dude, you need to sell the house ASAP unless you can buy her our, and find a new place then get the divorce over with. 

Your life will be soooo much better...


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

I’m with your lawyer — keep your cool and keep recording.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I would remind her daily that all interactions with her are being recorded. You might also calmly tell her that any false accusations against you will result in legal consequences which you will pursue to the full extent possible. Same with any misinformation that she gives to the kids. Tell her all she has to do is be honest and decent for the next few months, and she'll have everything she wants.


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## jonprofeta (Mar 31, 2017)

I am now better at reading people and there actions. That is a better choice of words. I have told her countless times to please lower her voice and to not speak that way to me and especially in front of the kids I tell her that I am recording all the time but she seems to think that her actions have no consequences that the courts will still be biased against the husband and side with the mothers. 


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

Keep in mind that irrational people act irrationally. It's not surprise that she thinks her actions won't have any consequences. Expect the unexpected. She's probably thinking the judge is going to crown her "mother of the year" once he hears her story. To her, they aren't lies. She likely believes everything she's saying.

Make sure you don't accept any food/drinks from her


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