# Mood spoiling comments always just before bed



## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Anyone else sometimes get to bed hoping all right, tonight we're going to have some fun, I'm in the mood, looking forward to some action, and then your partner comes in and first thing that comes out of their mouth that just makes your shoulders slump, eyes roll, know, yup, not happening tonight:

- Is your stomach bothering you?..mine sure is
- this headache is just killing me
- I just saw the saddest thing about dogs starving in Russia
- I am SOOOOOO tired


anyone else?


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Did you hook up with my STBXW?

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## naiveonedave (Jan 9, 2014)

I just had a discussion with my W about the stomach thing. If that is her excuse, she needs to change her diet. Then walked away. Not acceptable.


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

No, but I'd say those comments are definitely deliberate....a chickenly way to announce "I don't want to have sex tonight".

Counter with "Really? Studies show sex can reduce the pain of cluster headaches and migraines"

"Dogs starving in Russia? Pretty depressing. I think you need something to get your mind off that and cheer you up..."

"Tired? No problem. We'll make it a quickie"


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

I'm on the other end of this.

Mine will spend 30 minutes Ranting/*****ing about something/anything, mostly something that was on the news and will even gear the rant at me and use me as an example and then want me to be in the mood. 

Sure sweetie I feel like having sex with you after you killed it for me, I'm fine with you using me as a verbal punching bag.

BTW I'm HD.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

learning to love myself said:


> I'm on the other end of this.
> 
> Mine will spend 30 minutes Ranting/*****ing about something/anything, mostly something that was on the news and will even gear the rant at me and use me as an example and then want me to be in the mood.
> 
> ...


All the time. These are not innocent comments. They say this just to let you know it aint happening. When my wife complains of a headache I tell her she needs to prop her feet up. Like over my shoulders.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

learning to love myself said:


> I'm on the other end of this.
> 
> Mine will spend 30 minutes Ranting/*****ing about something/anything, mostly something that was on the news and will even gear the rant at me and use me as an example and then want me to be in the mood.
> 
> ...


Tell your partner not to talk with their mouth full, and find something appropriate to fix the situation. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Since we frequently have sex after work,we talk about our day while we're getting undressed,lighting candles,and putting on music. None of those comments would bother me or him. We text sexy stuff back and forth most days so our minds are already there.The other comments are just informative banter. 

Once we lie down and starting touching,neither person remembers what we were talking about 5 seconds ago


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I will tell my hb if I have a headache or stomach ache, but they're not excuses to avoid sex. a good orgasm does wonders for a headache; it just lets him know that I might be more comfortable on my back tonight. Never been a problem.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Giro flee (Mar 12, 2013)

How do you get to an orgasm if you have a headache? I occasionally get bad headaches, the only thing that helps is a dark room, meds, and ice pack. Just someone talking or trying to rub my shoulders makes the headache worse. I keep hearing sex works as a pain reliever but how do you ignore the pain in order to relax enough to get the orgasm??


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

Thound said:


> All the time. These are not innocent comments. They say this just to let you know it aint happening. When my wife complains of a headache I tell her she needs to prop her feet up. Like over my shoulders.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I agree with you, its a woman's way of saying there not in the mood. 

I have also not "felt well" when going to bed and my husband would foreplay me into getting into the mood.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Giro flee said:


> How do you get to an orgasm if you have a headache? I occasionally get bad headaches, the only thing that helps is a dark room, meds, and ice pack. Just someone talking or trying to rub my shoulders makes the headache worse. I keep hearing sex works as a pain reliever but how do you ignore the pain in order to relax enough to get the orgasm??



I guess it would depend on the headache. I used to get migraines, and sex wasn't happening during those. But for run of the mill headaches, if the room is dark and I can relax on my back, things seem to work. It sounds like your headaches might be worse than mine.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## learning to love myself (Apr 18, 2013)

PBear if it were only that easy, when the man is on a role nothing shuts him up.

I actually have some medical things wrong with my stomach and at times I just don't feel good and the last thing I want is sex, this last Saturday was one of those nights.

I told hubby I wasn't feeling good and next thing I know he's kissing my neck (such my weakness) and were going at it and I was feeling better, I guess I just needed a O to feel better. 

I believe sometimes sex can help, except when I have a migraine (nothing helps). 

If your wife uses the same old tired excuse, I would call her on it or persuade her with foreplay to change her mind.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Why don't people just say "I'm not in the mood tonight and this is why..."

What's the point of playing the headache,tummy ache,every ache game?


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## daffodilly (Oct 3, 2011)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Why don't people just say "I'm not in the mood tonight and this is why..."
> 
> What's the point of playing the headache,tummy ache,every ache game?


:iagree: Exactly


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## TheRock (Jul 12, 2013)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Anyone else sometimes get to bed hoping all right, tonight we're going to have some fun, I'm in the mood, looking forward to some action, and then your partner comes in and first thing that comes out of their mouth that just makes your shoulders slump, eyes roll, know, yup, not happening tonight:
> 
> - Is your stomach bothering you?..mine sure is
> - this headache is just killing me
> ...


Just before bed? That is cruel. At least my wife has the decency to start dropping those comments as we get home at night


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> How do you get to an orgasm if you have a headache? I occasionally get bad headaches, the only thing that helps is a dark room, meds, and ice pack. Just someone talking or trying to rub my shoulders makes the headache worse. I keep hearing sex works as a pain reliever but how do you ignore the pain in order to relax enough to get the orgasm??


I have a history of severe migraines. And, no, sex does not make those better. In fact, the touching, movement, smells, etc. that go along with sex can actually be excruciating if a migraine is already in full onset. In my experience, even mild arousal is pretty much never happening, much less an orgasm.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Giro flee said:


> How do you get to an orgasm if you have a headache? I occasionally get bad headaches, the only thing that helps is a dark room, meds, and ice pack. Just someone talking or trying to rub my shoulders makes the headache worse. I keep hearing sex works as a pain reliever but how do you ignore the pain in order to relax enough to get the orgasm??


A headache is one thing.A migraine is a whole different animal hon. There is no way my DH would even want to see me naked if he's having a migraine. I don't consider that an excuse at all,it's a very real and very valid reason to not be in the mood.


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

CASE_Sensitive said:


> Anyone else sometimes get to bed hoping all right, tonight we're going to have some fun, I'm in the mood, looking forward to some action, and then your partner comes in and first thing that comes out of their mouth that just makes your shoulders slump, eyes roll, know, yup, not happening tonight:
> 
> - Is your stomach bothering you?..mine sure is
> - this headache is just killing me
> ...


Lol no. Why not just reply that sex cures all those. It really can


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> A headache is one thing.A migraine is a whole different animal hon. There is no way my DH would even want to see me naked if he's having a migraine. I don't consider that an excuse at all,it's a very real and very valid reason to not be in the mood.


Agree. Think we are talking about real life problems vs excuses


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My SO gets headaches on a reasonably regular basis. As in, she has a brain tumor (non-cancerous). In her case, she never lets that stop us from having sex, even after dating for three years. Often I don't find out about it till after. In her case, though, the headache doesn't get worse during exertion and/or sex. And an orgasm does seem to help occasionally. 

In my case, I HAVE deferred sex for my tension headaches, but they DO get significantly worse through exertion. Like, the back of my head will explode, and it throbs with every heartbeat. But I can take some muscle relaxants, and in 30 minutes, I'm good to go. So deferring is just till the meds kick in. 

IMHO, "low drive" people need a good reason to have sex. "High drive" people need a good reason to not have sex. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

PBear said:


> IMHO, "low drive" people need a good reason to have sex. "High drive" people need a good reason to not have sex.
> 
> C
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Typically my wife does this with communication. She asks me something and then finds something to criticize about the answer. Can be the smallest of things. She makes sure to use a certain tone and rolls her eyes, to make sure I know she is annoyed. Always happens right before bed and especially if I give a hint that it would be nice to be intimate that evening.

But I still try sometimes anyhow. Usually get rejected. Sucks.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Typically my wife does this with communication. She asks me something and then finds something to criticize about the answer. Can be the smallest of things. She makes sure to use a certain tone and rolls her eyes, to make sure I know she is annoyed. Always happens right before bed and especially if I give a hint that it would be nice to be intimate that evening.
> 
> But I still try sometimes anyhow. Usually get rejected. Sucks.


 ugh.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Why don't people just say "I'm not in the mood tonight and this is why..."
> 
> What's the point of playing the headache,tummy ache,every ache game?


Because if you say you are not in the mood tonight (all the time) then it becomes way to obvious that you are avoiding sex. Then it would be their fault.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

SadSamIAm said:


> Because if you say you are not in the mood tonight (all the time) then it becomes way to obvious that you are avoiding sex. Then it would be their fault.


Well,yeah,but then that would open up a dialogue about why they're avoiding it so the issue can be fixed possibly. Why do people think it's going to get them somewhere if they just avoid conflict and play the excuse game? That can't make them happy or make them feel satisfied.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Well,yeah,but then that would open up a dialogue about why they're avoiding it so the issue can be fixed possibly. Why do people think it's going to get them somewhere if they just avoid conflict and play the excuse game? That can't make them happy or make them feel satisfied.


Some people will do almost anything to avoid conflict. And some spouses, by letting them get away with it, have taught then to do it. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

I need a tam break. I'm starting to hate the way people are anymore and there's no fixing it. Depressing.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I need a tam break. I'm starting to hate the way people are anymore and there's no fixing it. Depressing.


Dont you dare leave us. You are too valuable to us.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

SadSamIAm said:


> Typically my wife does this with communication. She asks me something and then finds something to criticize about the answer. Can be the smallest of things. She makes sure to use a certain tone and rolls her eyes, to make sure I know she is annoyed. Always happens right before bed and especially if I give a hint that it would be nice to be intimate that evening.
> 
> But I still try sometimes anyhow. Usually get rejected. Sucks.


My wife pulls this crap more than the headache thing.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Thound said:


> Dont you dare leave us. You are too valuable to us.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


that's really nice of you,Thound.Thank you


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

Have you seen the new headache medicine commercial? I think it is for Excedrin. The woman is shown in various scenarios with a headache, popping the pills and headache gone. The last scene is she and her husband in bed, she says wow, her headache is gone, then she turns on her light, he makes a move, and she says "Not gonna happen." and he moves away with a smile...


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I need a tam break. I'm starting to hate the way people are anymore and there's no fixing it. Depressing.


Scarlet,

I'm starting to agree! I came here when my marriage ended, trying to process how it got so bad, for so long, f*cked up dynamics, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I received invaluable comments that really helped me put things in perspective. But now, I find it increasingly depressing to see so many people who are in the same boat I was, *who won't do anything about it!*

Have courage people!! Life is short. Don't squander years and years in a relationship that makes you miserable.


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> Have you seen the new headache medicine commercial? I think it is for Excedrin. The woman is shown in various scenarios with a headache, popping the pills and headache gone. The last scene is she and her husband in bed, she says wow, her headache is gone, then she turns on her light, he makes a move, and she says "Not gonna happen." and he moves away with a smile...


I HATE THAT COMMERCIAL. OMFG. 

DH gets to listen to me b*tch about it every time. "in what world is that ok?? WHY are they perpetuating this stereotype like it's cute or funny or acceptable?? WTF!!!"

 I get heated about stuff sometimes.


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I HATE THAT COMMERCIAL. OMFG.
> 
> DH gets to listen to me b*tch about it every time. "in what world is that ok?? WHY are they perpetuating this stereotype like it's cute or funny or acceptable?? WTF!!!"
> 
> I get heated about stuff sometimes.


I know. I hate that commercial too. I guess the silver lining for women who aren't like that is that it makes them seem that much better


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

samyeagar said:


> I know. I hate that commercial too. I guess the silver lining for women who aren't like that is that it makes them seem that much better


:rofl: True After a commercial like when DH sees sparkles and heavenly light trailing after me when I walk LOL


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I HATE THAT COMMERCIAL. OMFG.


I've never seen it, but I hate it already!! :lol: :scratchhead: :lol:


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

Thound said:


> My wife pulls this crap more than the headache thing.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And the next thing is., "How do you expect to want to have sex with you when you never talk to me?"


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> I HATE THAT COMMERCIAL. OMFG.
> 
> DH gets to listen to me b*tch about it every time. "in what world is that ok?? WHY are they perpetuating this stereotype like it's cute or funny or acceptable?? WTF!!!"
> 
> I get heated about stuff sometimes.




It's just like stupid commercials that portray dad as a bumbling idiot that can't take care of anything, so he needs mom and know it all kid to set him straight. Those piss me off too.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Scarlet,
I believe honesty is essential. What that looks like to me is:
1. Honest communication when they don't want to. 
2. If the reason they don't want to is something you've done or not done they should tell you. If however the reason they don't want to is their desire for you is less than your desire for them, I don't think they need to repeat that over and over. 

One thing I like about M2 is that she has no 'sex specific issues'. 

She is either happy with me - across the board. Or we are in conflict - across the board. Same with me. When we are in conflict I have zero desire for her. 

------
She is however sometimes uncomfortable with our drive differences. Because of that she occasionally asks if I want to connect - when it's already past her bedtime. I just smile and tell her that I only respond to sincere offers. She mainly wants reassurance that I'm not angry. 



QUOTE=ScarletBegonias;7700345]Why don't people just say "I'm not in the mood tonight and this is why..."

What's the point of playing the headache,tummy ache,every ache game?[/QUOTE]


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## over20 (Nov 15, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Why don't people just say "I'm not in the mood tonight and this is why..."
> 
> What's the point of playing the headache,tummy ache,every ache game?


It's a cowardly way to avoid the real issue, and that spouse knows exactly what they are doing


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## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

My STBW and I have talked about this many times, and always arrive at the same conclusion...things are working just fine for us without our no rejection policy without a really damn good reason, and that goes for both of us.

Given how things were with my ex-wife, this has taken some getting used to. My ex was a master at setting up the rejection from the moment we woke up. My STBW on the other hand has no problems telling me she is really tired, has a horrible headache, stomach hurts and then initiating. There have been a few times where she has been really tired and will say something along the lines of how about a quickie tonight, and then follows through enthusiastically. There have been a few times where one of us hasn't really been in the mood when the other was, and we don't do anything because it is alright to take a night off once in a while when you are doing it nearly twice a day anyway.


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## CASE_Sensitive (Jul 22, 2013)

Well, we'll see how tonight goes.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Well I made a big mistake last night, was just dozing on the couch when he got home (evening tennis so it was about 10pm) got up staggered to bed like a zombie and said "sorry baby I am really tired".

He was cool with that as it never happens, then I could not get back to sleep and he was out like a light.

I lay there for ages, wanted to wake him up for sex but let him sleep. So today we have had a few funny/ sexy back and forth txt's about the missed opportunity and next time to wake him up by rubbing his ****


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

I know that sometimes life gets in the way, and some people have genuine reasons for not being able to have sex...I'm not talking about those...

But there are so many people who just seem to not be into sex with their spouses anymore...why??? I'd have to be dead to not want to have sex...

I told my hubby off not long ago because he jerked off at 4am one morning when he was horny and didn't want to wake me up. He was told in no uncertain terms to god damn wake me up! I wanna be part of the fun 

I would never reject him...I honestly don't understand how so many wives do that to their husbands regularly without batting an eyelid...


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

In my Jerry Seinfeld voice: and what's the deal with pretending to fall asleep on the couch right before bed time?


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## ScarletBegonias (Jun 26, 2012)

Thound said:


> In my Jerry Seinfeld voice: and what's the deal with pretending to fall asleep on the couch right before bed time?


See this is why I'm happy w/have a simple lifestyle so we can get our sexy on right after work before anyone is bloated,tired,busy,etc.


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## Holland (Aug 20, 2012)

Thound said:


> In my Jerry Seinfeld voice: and what's the deal with pretending to fall asleep on the couch right before bed time?


I simply love sleepy sex, often when he has a late night I will lie on the couch and watch TV and be all dopey by the time he gets home and he then drags me by the hair to bed


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

samyeagar said:


> Have you seen the new headache medicine commercial? I think it is for Excedrin. The woman is shown in various scenarios with a headache, popping the pills and headache gone. The last scene is she and her husband in bed, she says wow, her headache is gone, then she turns on her light, he makes a move, and she says "Not gonna happen." and he moves away with a smile...


Is this true or are you making a joke.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> Why don't people just say "I'm not in the mood tonight and this is why..."
> 
> What's the point of playing the headache,tummy ache,every ache game?


This. I don't understand the purpose of playing games.


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## CharlotteMcdougall (Mar 15, 2014)

ScarletBegonias said:


> See this is why I'm happy w/have a simple lifestyle so we can get our sexy on right after work before anyone is bloated,tired,busy,etc.


Maybe this is the reason my husband often wants to make love as soon as he is home. It could also be the erotic texts we send all day as well...


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## pierrematoe (Sep 6, 2013)

ScarletBegonias said:


> See this is why I'm happy w/have a simple lifestyle so we can get our sexy on right after work before anyone is bloated,tired,busy,etc.



We could do that......but our kids would freak out, her mom would call the police because she didn't answer her 10 phone calls in one hour and Miley Cyrus would turn ****ty......oh wait


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

The I am to tired is the go to for my wife ever since she hit her late forties. When she announced on our anniversary during dinner that she was to tired I lost most hope.


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