# Is he a porn addict or just a liar??



## Louise1

Ladies and Gents I really need help. For 13 years I have lived a rollercoaster of a relationship. I found a man with very little to offer me but we had great sex and had lots of laughs, it was second time around for me after marrying very young. I built a life and I guess he came along for the ride, I took financial responsibility for most things and he would give me x amount a month for what he says he can afford (currently 35% of his salary). I recently discovered that he has had a secret social media account for 3 years in a fake name following over 2000 women, all sexual and porn related. It was last used March 2021. I found him watching porn maybe 20 times during our relationship and am very sexually open and definitely not behind the door. I would class myself as a okay looking woman, in shape, dresses up, confident and sexy. He neglects having sex with me because he says he was tired. Never ever takes me out. Goes in and outs of moods like the weather and for over a year I have been asking him what’s wrong and how can we can make things better. So I discovered this account and for the first time he was very open and told me that before meeting me (he was 31) he had never really been in a long term relationship and spent all his spare time alone watching porn. He said it’s something he looks at all the time. I’ve checked and sometimes is 3 minutes and other times it’s 30 seconds. Sometimes he doesn’t even masterbate. He says he loves me and the family and wants me to support him through counselling but I just don’t think I can get over the bigger picture. It’s the lies and the deceit. I don’t actually feel less of a woman I just feel he’s a dxxk and I’m better off moving on. My friend says I should support him but I feel like this is a blessing, a time for him to go. He’s neglected me for years and I don’t see any point moving past this point. Will I ever really forgive him or trust him. We had a threesome (me with another man) years ago - he instigated it and I said yes and enjoyed it very much. Sadly the reality for him was an unresponsive tool - seemed the reality of me actually having a good time was a turn off. It never happened again and I’m okay with that as i fancied trying it to. Now I’m thinking he was trying to re-live his porn watching into reality and he thinks I’m his personal ‘star’. I like being kinky but this is too much for me. He hasn’t interacted with any of the women and the messages go back 3 years so other than a welcome message (from whoever he joined) he hasn’t interacted. So point is - do I go and help him or do I use this as a time for me to get out now. I do love him but that ‘in love’ feeling died a few years back when he started his account I guess. We have always been relatively happy but it’s all a lie. Someone tell me straight please.


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## Al_Bundy

Sounds like you already know what you want to do. You've supported him all these years and this is how he repays you. That feeling of it all being a lie won't go away. Seems like this relationship has always been about you being there for him. That's not how it's supposed to work. I say GTFO now.

Best of luck.


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## CatholicDad

His sexual “integrity” is zero and sounds like he has really no self respect or respect for you either. The thought of having him as a father of young children sounds a little scary too. He sounds like the poster-guy for someone destroyed by porn. So sorry..

I’d think he could recover with either a religious conversion or treatment... but if there’s any rebellion (“why should I give up my porn”) then I’d give him the boot. Said another way, there’s hope if he has true remorse over what he’s done. Most men today would fake remorse and hide it (the porn) better.


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## ccpowerslave

What’s so great about him that you want to see if he can follow a path of redemption?


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## BigDaddyNY

Porn is a genuine addiction. If his issues were due to opioid addiction would you feel differently? All of his prior inattentiveness is probably due to his addiction. 


Side note, I'm amazed when I see married couples that maintain separate finances. It hasn't always been this way, but I currently earn several multiples of what my wife earns, but it has always been clear from the start what is mine is hers and vice versa.


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## frenchpaddy

i think the guy is hooked on porn , i think he is wa-ked out and has no interest for a real relationship , I will never understand why people put more time and effort into buying a car than they do into getting to know the person they let into their life , you know from experience it is not easy to get out of a relationship best to put your thoughts together on if you want to try with this guy and if he wants to get help , by the sound of it he is in a good place


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## anna2020

Louise1 said:


> I recently discovered that he has had a secret social media account for 3 years in a fake name following over 2000 women, all sexual and porn related.


I recently filed for divorce from my husband of 25 years because of that and another issue. Based on MY experience, I can tell you this : If you've discovered ONE social media secret account, there is a 99% chance he has other social media accounts where he hooks up with prostitutes and hookers! I did a LOT of research and reading online about sex/porn addiction and it says that heavy porn use then transferred into seeking prostitutes/hookers. I am also sexy and very good looking and I enjoy good sex. I found that my husband had like 20+ secret accounts I didn't know about! When I tried to login to one, it was asking me for password. I asked him "what's the password"? His reply was : "I don't know"...... Next day ALL 20+ accounts magically disappeared now he has only one, his main account. 

If he's been watching porn for so long, he will not just quit/stop watching it! It's an addiction! I am pretty sure he watches porn when you go to bed. Does he stay up late when you go to bed? If he does, that's what he's doing! It's like a drug! The way I see it, he found you to financially support him and sometimes have sex with you while he has his addiction.... 
I think you pretty much made your decision and based on my experience, sex addicts will never change! I had begged and asked my husband to STOP watching porn because instead of having sex with his good looking, sexy wife, he chose to watch porn. I went and saw a psychologist who told me : "he chose his porn addiction over you". Because in my case, he'd go to bed with me for like 2 days, then he'd stay up late on his own for 5 days. He'd use any reason : "To calm the dog down" "can't sleep" "need to drink milk" "want to watch some TV" then I'd hear him in bathroom for 30 min not doing anything there really, not even flushing and walking out of bathroom. Then in toilet would be toilet paper swimming folded with his sperm.... when I confronted him he told me "I was crazy and he was peeing" I was naive and was telling him that "you didn't even flush and there was no urine" he had an explanation for everything!
Finally, I decided I was DONE with him and filed for divorce after 25 years of marriage. 

Best of luck to you!


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## frenchpaddy

anna2020 said:


> I recently filed for divorce from my husband of 25 years because of that and another issue. Based on MY experience, I can tell you this : If you've discovered ONE social media secret account, there is a 99% chance he has other social media accounts where he hooks up with prostitutes and hookers! I did a LOT of research and reading online about sex/porn addiction and it says that heavy porn use then transferred into seeking prostitutes/hookers. I am also sexy and very good looking and I enjoy good sex. I found that my husband had like 20+ secret accounts I didn't know about! When I tried to login to one, it was asking me for password. I asked him "what's the password"? His reply was : "I don't know"...... Next day ALL 20+ accounts magically disappeared now he has only one, his main account.
> 
> If he's been watching porn for so long, he will not just quit/stop watching it! It's an addiction! I am pretty sure he watches porn when you go to bed. Does he stay up late when you go to bed? If he does, that's what he's doing! It's like a drug! The way I see it, he found you to financially support him and sometimes have sex with you while he has his addiction....
> I think you pretty much made your decision and based on my experience, sex addicts will never change! I had begged and asked my husband to STOP watching porn because instead of having sex with his good looking, sexy wife, he chose to watch porn. I went and saw a psychologist who told me : "he chose his porn addiction over you". Because in my case, he'd go to bed with me for like 2 days, then he'd stay up late on his own for 5 days. He'd use any reason : "To calm the dog down" "can't sleep" "need to drink milk" "want to watch some TV" then I'd hear him in bathroom for 30 min not doing anything there really, not even flushing and walking out of bathroom. Then in toilet would be toilet paper swimming folded with his sperm.... when I confronted him he told me "I was crazy and he was peeing" I was naive and was telling him that "you didn't even flush and there was no urine" he had an explanation for everything!
> Finally, I decided I was DONE with him and filed for divorce after 25 years of marriage.
> 
> Best of luck to you!


very sorry anna yes i don't know about women i know about men i manage my wifes account she is into photo the amount of men that comtact me on SM many even use their normal profile the worst are the ones with their wedding photo as profile photo , Her account became very poplar in a very short time and got to 5000 followers in a few weeks , and sm is set up to become friends easy with others but to unfriend them it is slow , i got so fed up of messages with **** pics i think i have seen more in a few days than a cheap ***** would see in her life time , some men are very sick and it is my experience that the ones that are worst come from the east and India ,


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## Cheeky SAAB 🙊

Louise1 said:


> Ladies and Gents I really need help. For 13 years I have lived a rollercoaster of a relationship. I found a man with very little to offer me but we had great sex and had lots of laughs, it was second time around for me after marrying very young. I built a life and I guess he came along for the ride, I took financial responsibility for most things and he would give me x amount a month for what he says he can afford (currently 35% of his salary). I recently discovered that he has had a secret social media account for 3 years in a fake name following over 2000 women, all sexual and porn related. It was last used March 2021. I found him watching porn maybe 20 times during our relationship and am very sexually open and definitely not behind the door. I would class myself as a okay looking woman, in shape, dresses up, confident and sexy. He neglects having sex with me because he says he was tired. Never ever takes me out. Goes in and outs of moods like the weather and for over a year I have been asking him what’s wrong and how can we can make things better. So I discovered this account and for the first time he was very open and told me that before meeting me (he was 31) he had never really been in a long term relationship and spent all his spare time alone watching porn. He said it’s something he looks at all the time. I’ve checked and sometimes is 3 minutes and other times it’s 30 seconds. Sometimes he doesn’t even masterbate. He says he loves me and the family and wants me to support him through counselling but I just don’t think I can get over the bigger picture. It’s the lies and the deceit. I don’t actually feel less of a woman I just feel he’s a dxxk and I’m better off moving on. My friend says I should support him but I feel like this is a blessing, a time for him to go. He’s neglected me for years and I don’t see any point moving past this point. Will I ever really forgive him or trust him. We had a threesome (me with another man) years ago - he instigated it and I said yes and enjoyed it very much. Sadly the reality for him was an unresponsive tool - seemed the reality of me actually having a good time was a turn off. It never happened again and I’m okay with that as i fancied trying it to. Now I’m thinking he was trying to re-live his porn watching into reality and he thinks I’m his personal ‘star’. I like being kinky but this is too much for me. He hasn’t interacted with any of the women and the messages go back 3 years so other than a welcome message (from whoever he joined) he hasn’t interacted. So point is - do I go and help him or do I use this as a time for me to get out now. I do love him but that ‘in love’ feeling died a few years back when he started his account I guess. We have always been relatively happy but it’s all a lie. Someone tell me straight please.


I can understand how you feel my partner is always on the internet and I have seen so many dirty sites chat lines hookups and sex finder on spam and he is denying it all


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