# When A Man Looks At Your Wife



## LadyOfTheLake

As a spin off to the Looking At Women thread, what about when a man looks at your wife? As a woman, it doesn't bother me when my DH checks out another woman, 'cause I do it too. I check out both men and women. And I know men look at me. It drives DH crazy. I don't do anything to draw undue attention to myself, and am usually emitting my 'pi$$ off vibe', but still...they look. Sometimes they approach, but never when DH is near. 

So if I mention to DH that a certain guy was looking at me, smiled or waved, winked or whatever, he gets mad. He goes all cave man and "point him out" "why didn't you show him to me" "I'd give him something to smile about". I don't get the disconnect. Why is it alright for HIM to look at other women, but not alright for other men to look at me?

So guys, what is the deal? Do you care if other men check out your wives or does it send you back to the cave man days?


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## Stonewall

Nope I love it. I just smile inside and think yep shes mine. Go get your own pal! Seriously I think of her as arm candy. I'm proud to have one other guys want.


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## Zing

In some strange sort of cave-woman way, I wish my husband would act like this and be spurned to feel 'Don't-you-dare-gaze-at-my-girl' (I know its juvenile, but I never denied that I don't act like one sometimes!) 

However, he is not romantic/wild like that. I remember when we were about to be married, I asked him what he'd do if others gazed/cat-called/stared at me...I was hoping he'd say something like 'I'd be really pissed off and yada yada'...instead his reaction was 'Why, I check out other girls...so other guys would do the same to mine too, right?' I remember feeling a distinctive sense of disappointment as soon as I heard that...

Lol thankfully for me, the reality is not exactly that way...

I've learnt over time that my husband (who's not a fired-up beast of testosterone) is actually practical and realistic (which really makes sense in the long run I guess *sigh*) He is petite by build and not really cut out to fight. He is not very physical/sporty/athletic and if a confrontation occurred, I guess he would not be able to overcome the other party unless they were of a similar build. Therefore, he takes the wise way out. 

Any place that we KNOW would constitute lots of gazing-ogling-staring is never part of our outing schedules (like clubs, bars etc) In other public places if it was one man doing something like this, he'd just brush it off - it wouldn't bother him. But, if he felt I was attracting the attraction of anyone unhealthy then he'd probably just take me and exit the scene. 

His motto is always better safe than sorry!


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## Ostera

My wife gets looks all the time. She's very attractive,even at 52 and she is well endowed, naturally. 

I don't mind guys looking at her. I do mind when they 'stare'. I have had to tell guys to knock it off at bars when they don't blink or look away after a few minutes.. 

Stalking isn't something I tolerate.


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## staystrong

When I was with my X...

It depended on the guy. Sure, if they were good looking or alpha or something, I might feel a little threatened. Mostly it was just dudes leering or being smoothy eyed, so I just gave them 'the look'. If it was an appreciative look from an older chap then I didn't mind. In fact I kind of liked it: "yep, she's mine".


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## tacoma

I love it.

I know who she's going home with.


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## samyeagar

I know my woman's good looking and is going to get attention. If it's just a casual look, no biggie, but if it turns into a stare then it's disrespectful and then we have a problem.


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## johnnycomelately

Women have never understood that the rules apply to others, not us.


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## Therealbrighteyes

I would be so turned off if my husband had a problem with some guy looking at me. That to me shows total insecurity. Be proud that a guy is looking at your woman.


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## LadyOfTheLake

samyeagar said:


> I know my woman's good looking and is going to get attention. If it's just a casual look, no biggie, but if it turns into a stare then it's disrespectful and then we have a problem.


THIS. This is what my DH says all the time. Disrespectful to him? Or to me? And if it's disrespectful to me, shouldn't *I* be the one to get upset/angry/defensive? How is it disrespectful to him? I don't understand. If a person looks at me, how does that even affect DH? I don't see why it has to matter to either of us, especially if the looker is a stranger.


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## Omgitsjoe

The Mrs is very pretty and sexy thus why I married her 

I have often noticed guys taking a double take when they see her which deep inside makes me very proud that she's all .... mine !!!!


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## I Notice The Details

I don't mind at all....I love it because the Princess is all mine. 

Sometimes I will even say....that guy over there is checking you out. She gets embarrassed and just holds onto to me even more.

Last week, we ate at The Texas Roadhouse steakhouse. We were sitting in a booth, across from each other. She slipped off her high heels and had her feet in my lap....teasing me as usual. There were at least 6 guys (and some wives) at other tables nearby glued to what she was doing and smiling at her. Neither of us had any issue with it. It was fun!

She also turns heads when we are in the grocery store....especially the cold food aisle. Her bra's are thin, and you know what happens. She just smiles and squeezes my hand tighter when she is being noticed. No problem on my part. 

Bottom line, my Princess is gorgeous and I know others notice her details. I think deep down...most women like this kind of attention...even though they won't usually admit it.


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## johnnycomelately

Therealbrighteyes is right, it is a sign of insecurity. Have you ever noticed that unimpressive men with attractive partners always have their arms across their shoulders? Like they are afraid to let her go?


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## Ostera

LadyOfTheLake said:


> THIS. This is what my DH says all the time. Disrespectful to him? Or to me? And if it's disrespectful to me, shouldn't *I* be the one to get upset/angry/defensive? How is it disrespectful to him? I don't understand. If a person looks at me, how does that even affect DH? I don't see why it has to matter to either of us, especially if the looker is a stranger.


If a guy is 'leering' at you then it IS disrespectful to you and your husband... 

It's a man thing. IMO any guy who wants to leer at my wife while I am standing/sitting with her is challenging my 'Y' chromisome. 

It's an alpha thing.. watch animal planet. You'll see. 

Keep in mind I am talking about leering, not just looking.


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## Wiserforit

I enjoy it.

We live next to both an Army and Air Force Base which means thousands of extra young, in-shape single guys drooling over the short supply of women in a small community. 

It's pretty brazen, especially if it is a whole big table full of soldiers talking about her at a restaurant. I smile at them & nod, and they smile back or laugh. Other men aren't a threat. 

The funniest incident was when I first brought her here as a 19 year old. We split up at the sporting goods store, so I could go to the back and start filling out her hunting license while she looked at gloves. 

The guy in the back was about my age. She started approaching the counter, and the closer she got to me the more confused he looked. When she grabbed my arm and leaned against me, he was frozen in shock, eyes as big as saucers. He looked like he was going to fall over, but then caught his composure.


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## samyeagar

LadyOfTheLake said:


> THIS. This is what my DH says all the time. Disrespectful to him? Or to me? And if it's disrespectful to me, shouldn't *I* be the one to get upset/angry/defensive? How is it disrespectful to him? I don't understand. If a person looks at me, how does that even affect DH? I don't see why it has to matter to either of us, especially if the looker is a stranger.


Both. A casual look is one thing. It happens. 

If you are out with your husband and he sees an attractive woman and glances at her and that's it, does that bother you? What if he was openly staring? Most people find openly staring as disrespectful to your SO especially if your SO is right there watching you.

This is much along the same lines as you have now become the object of that staring. You are being coveted by another man with your man right there.


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## LadyOfTheLake

samyeagar said:


> This is much along the same lines as you have now become the object of that staring. You are being coveted by another man with your man right there.


I wouldn't say I get too many guys actively staring at me when I'm with DH. He's a rather intimidating guy. In fact, I could be a piece of furniture when he's around for all the notice I get. But if we separate in a store or I'm out alone or with friends and it happens and I happen to mention it, then he gets all aggressive about it. 

As for being "coveted", I call BS. A look is just a look, someone enjoying the scenery LOL.


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## Therealbrighteyes

johnnycomelately said:


> Therealbrighteyes is right, it is a sign of insecurity. Have you ever noticed that unimpressive men with attractive partners always have their arms across their shoulders? Like they are afraid to let her go?


I see it all the time. It's ridiculous as if she isn't with him by her own volition. Nope, gotta hold on to her lest she flee to the arms of another.


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## In_The_Wind

I kind of growl
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## gbrad

Stonewall said:


> Nope I love it. I just smile inside and think yep shes mine. Go get your own pal! Seriously I think of her as arm candy. I'm proud to have one other guys want.


Exactly, right there. Sometimes my wife dresses or wears things that will draw the attention of others or at the very least get men to look at her chest. That makes me happy, I want a woman that other guys are looking at and checking out.


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## Omgitsjoe

gbrad said:


> Exactly, right there. Sometimes my wife dresses or wears things that will draw the attention of others or at the very least get men to look at her chest. That makes me happy, I want a woman that other guys are looking at and checking out.


I've often discussed this with my buddies over a few beers ....... if guys arent checking your wife then that means she isnt that " HOT " soooo with that being said I'd rather have guys check my wife out and drool rather than them throwing up when they see her


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## Faithful Wife

My husband sees other guys checking me out all the time and will sometimes mention it to me. He says things like "it isn't HIS fault you're so hot".

But this is only glances.

If a man is trying to make eye contact with me, speak to me unnecessarily, or is outright oogling....my H will then make eye contact with the guy and give him the "she's mine" stare.

All of this happens without my notice.


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## Holland

My partner likes it, he is like a big cave man, would probably beat his chest if it wasn't a silly thing to do.

Many times when he has gone to get drinks he will come back and some guy is chatting to me, they tend to move on quick when they see him as he is quite a big guy. He likes it that I get attention, he gets all puffed up and proud. Seriously love that man


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## ladybird

My husband doesn't like it when other men check me out, he gets (or used to get mad at me) I told him what am i supposed to do walk around with a paper bag over my head? Lol... Seriously


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## Wiserforit

samyeagar said:


> This is much along the same lines as you have now become the object of that staring.


So?

All the more a compliment. Kids are more open about it than adults, but once the kids are staring the adults have cover to stare longer themselves. She's Asian so that is an exotic look the kids will not have much experience with.

That often leads to a conversation beginning with them asking what country she is from. 

She's extremely sweet. Why give off a snooty vibe? Smile, and the whole world smiles back at you.


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## Entropy3000

LadyOfTheLake said:


> As a spin off to the Looking At Women thread, what about when a man looks at your wife? As a woman, it doesn't bother me when my DH checks out another woman, 'cause I do it too. I check out both men and women. And I know men look at me. It drives DH crazy. I don't do anything to draw undue attention to myself, and am usually emitting my 'pi$$ off vibe', but still...they look.
> 
> Sometimes they approach,
> *
> Approaching is more than checking out.* *
> 
> Venue plays a role here. If you are at a party then approaching someone has less boldness than if you are at a club or bar or restaurant.*
> 
> *If you are at a social networking event for a business approaching people is expected.*
> 
> but never when DH is near.
> 
> *This is classic Approach Anxiety when your DH is near c0ckblocking. But seriously you are surprised they do not appraoch you when your husband is near? Yes very bold guys will do this and it sends a very powerful sexual message in doing so. But it runs a risk. Again the venue matters.
> 
> If a guy is winking at you and were to come over with your DH there what message would you get? What message would your husband get? A variant is to whether this guy acknowledges your husband or not.
> *
> So if I mention to DH that a certain guy was looking at me,
> 
> *There are levels of "looking". Staring or glancing?*
> 
> smiled or waved, winked or whatever, he gets mad.
> 
> *Well this is someone trying to make contact. It is flirting. Do you smile back? Wave? Wink?* *What message are they sending you?
> Just friendly? I mean it could be but I sense not. Maybe you caught them looking and they were acknowledging or vice versa.
> 
> Sometimes guys will acknowledge not only the woman but what she is wearing. But you say you are not drawing attention other than you just look pretty great.
> *
> *Does this happen when your husband is around?
> 
> Sometimes the making contact is an excuse to approach you later. I mean this is the point. If you wink back they will be seeing you later most likely. Just for a verbal chat.*
> 
> He goes all cave man and "point him out" "why didn't you show him to me" "I'd give him something to smile about". I don't get the disconnect.
> 
> *Looking, staring and flirting are different things.
> *
> Why is it alright for HIM to look at other women, but not alright for other men to look at me?
> *
> Is your husband flirting?*
> 
> So guys, what is the deal? Do you care if other men check out your wives or does it send you back to the cave man days?
> 
> *Only those two choices? That presumes that if a man cares he is somehow a dinosaur and that being modern infers that he should be less manly. There is nothing outdated about a confident man being manly. *


Checking out ... no.

Trying to make contact when they know she is with me? That would p!$$ me off.

Obviously if my wife were to acknowledge contact that would be the bigger problem to deal with.

But perhaps the reason they wink at you or whatever is that they notice you checking them out to begin with. They may just be acknowlegding. Some folks are less subtle than others about checking out others.

You may not be realizing what you are doing.

Perhaps when your hubby is there, you are paying attention to him. But when he is gone your glances ... wander.


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## Maneo

I don't mind at all when other guys check out my wife with a glance or a little extra look. If it goes beyond that to winks or gestures or outright staring that requires more on my part but not raving caveman. Just an arm around her waist, a peck on the cheek, a ruffle of her hair to indicate the other guy needs to stand down. If the other guy continues, then more assertive action is needed but that has never happened for us.
If there are lots of looks on any particular outing there might be a reassessment by both wife and I about how she is dressed or acting to see if there might be something about her - other than her natural good looks - prompting the ogling. 
She loves to dress to appeal to my desires but will ask if I think something she is wearing is too revealing.
It is a little troubling that the OP mentions guys have approached her when she is alone but then some guys are little more than Neanderthals dragging their knuckles on the ground.
My only advice would be to make certain there is no intentional behavior that may be encouraging the looks. If not, then the husband should feel a little pride knowing others admire his wife, emphasis on his - not theirs.


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## Entropy3000

Faithful Wife said:


> My husband sees other guys checking me out all the time and will sometimes mention it to me. He says things like "it isn't HIS fault you're so hot".
> 
> But this is only glances.
> 
> If a man is trying to make eye contact with me, speak to me unnecessarily, or is outright oogling....my H will then make eye contact with the guy and give him the "she's mine" stare.
> 
> All of this happens without my notice.


This ^^^


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## Shoto1984

As others have said there is looking and there is staring. A glance or two to appreciate an attractive woman is no problem. Staring her down to ensure you make eye contact and create an uncomfortable situation is something else. Some take this disrespect to extremes with mouth and hand gestures. Scum is everywhere.


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## Racer

That guys check her out doesn’t bother me... What might bother me is her reaction to it. It’s ok to return the smile as long as there is some sort of ‘marking me as hers’ or just ignoring it, but so help her if I continue to see her trying to catch his eye... That’s usually when I’ll mention it and mark my territory. 

The creepy ones are when I catch other dudes checking me out. My wife thinks that is hysterical.


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## Entropy3000

I have always liked my wife to dress sexy when we go out together. Looks never have bothered me.


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## LadyOfTheLake

Entropy3000 said:


> Well this is someone trying to make contact. It is flirting. Do you smile back? Wave? Wink? What message are they sending you?
> Just friendly? I mean it could be but I sense not. Maybe you caught them looking and they were acknowledging or vice versa.
> 
> Sometimes guys will acknowledge not only the woman but what she is wearing. But you say you are not drawing attention other than you just look pretty great.
> 
> Does this happen when your husband is around?


I've never winked at a strange man in my life. I don't smile or wave either. I'm more apt to snarl or growl lol. 
I'm short, red headed and very busty, I've attracted male attention since I was 14. I can't help it, it just happens. I go the grocery store in a pony tail and tshirt and it still happens and then sometimes, if I've mentioned it to DH, that some guy was leering, or approached, he gets so angry. Like its my fault or something. I guess I'm better off not ever mentioning it to him. I was just wondering if this was some normal male pi$$ing match thing that you guys do.



> Checking out ... no.
> 
> Trying to make contact when they know she is with me? That would p!$$ me off.
> 
> Obviously if my wife were to acknowledge contact that would be the bigger problem to deal with.
> 
> But perhaps the reason they wink at you or whatever is that they notice you checking them out to begin with. They may just be acknowlegding. Some folks are less subtle than others about checking out others.
> 
> You may not be realizing what you are doing.
> 
> Perhaps when your hubby is there, you are paying attention to him. But when he is gone your glances ... wander.


I don't have an interest in other men. If I notice an attractive man, I'm less likely to do a double take for fear of being caught looking. I'd be embarrassed LOL.


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## samyeagar

Like I said, my SO is a very attractive red head and she does turn heads. It's inevitable. It doesn't bother me. When the looks turn to stares, leering and trying to make that contact, usually all that's needed is just a look from me and it's over. I don't get angry, and most certainly don't get angry at her, but a territorial instinct does kick in at a certain point.

I do feel a rush being with someone who draws that atention, and to be honest, shutting it down is a rush too.


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## Pandakiss

It dosent bother me if and when men or women "check me out", it dosent bother me if men or women "check out" my husband. 

It dosent bother my husband if men or women "check me out", it dosent bother him if men or women "check him out". 

As long as they don't touch. I have so many stories.... Maybe once or twice a guy has asked me for my number in front of my husband...we stand there elbowing each other so we don't bust out laughing in the poor guys face. 

We keep it short and cordial and walk away....snorting the whole time. MOST guys only talk if I'm alone, and when I say no, married, not looking for "friends"....they say sorry have a nice day. 

I'm not responsible for other peoples eyes and I can't control their thoughts. I am fully in control of me and my actions/reactions to and in situations.


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## Omgitsjoe

Pandakiss said:


> It dosent bother me if and when men or women "check me out", it dosent bother me if men or women "check out" my husband.
> 
> It dosent bother my husband if men or women "check me out", it dosent bother him if men or women "check him out".
> 
> As long as they don't touch. I have so many stories.... Maybe once or twice a guy has asked me for my number in front of my husband...we stand there elbowing each other so we don't bust out laughing in the poor guys face.
> 
> We keep it short and cordial and walk away....snorting the whole time. MOST guys only talk if I'm alone, and when I say no, married, not looking for "friends"....they say sorry have a nice day.
> 
> I'm not responsible for other peoples eyes and I can't control their thoughts. I am fully in control of me and my actions/reactions to and in situations.


Well said ...... we can't speak for other people's actions but our own  !! Your confidence is a very attractive trait as I am sure you are !


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## Entropy3000

LadyOfTheLake said:


> I've never winked at a strange man in my life. I don't smile or wave either. I'm more apt to snarl or growl lol.
> I'm short, red headed and very busty, I've attracted male attention since I was 14. I can't help it, it just happens. I go the grocery store in a pony tail and tshirt and it still happens and then sometimes, if I've mentioned it to DH, that some guy was leering, or approached, he gets so angry. Like its my fault or something. I guess I'm better off not ever mentioning it to him. I was just wondering if this was some normal male pi$$ing match thing that you guys do.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't have an interest in other men. If I notice an attractive man, I'm less likely to do a double take for fear of being caught looking. I'd be embarrassed LOL.


I appreciate your response. The reason I asked was in no way to infer you were improper at all. I understand you wondering where I was going with this.

I was suggesting that as you say you and your husband look. Normal stuff. This is not even really a conscious thing most of the time. But I have scanned rooms only to see a woman looking right at me and eyes connect. Timing is everything. Maybe the guy was trying to get your attention. Probably for the reasons you mention.

I get the sense your husband is NOT upset with you. But he gets p!ssed at guys hitting on you.
He feels disrespected. So he gets hammered for being jealous, insecure and controlling. Whatever.
I honestly cannot tell to even have an opinion on that. But I will say that likely your husband deeply loves you and the other guys were either just flirting and / or @$$holes. So just continue in what you have been doing and realize that your husband getting upset is in no way your fault. Just please cut him some slack. He is your guy. If he blames you set him straight.

I expect my wife to get looks. It is amazing what great service we get at restaurants when my wife is wearing something low cut. I actully feel good about that. But if some guy sat thee leering at her, he would get my attention.

On TAM you are going to get a range of perspectives which is wondermous. On this type of topic you are going to get folks who are very conservation to moderate to very liberal. Even to the point that they are swingers or in open marriages. You have to know what the boundaries are for your marriage.


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## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> Where is all this checking out happening??? We either have a board of very hot chicks or men with very hot wives for chicks or I am totally clueless.
> 
> Had a run in with construction workers (husband wasn't there), talked about it briefly on the boards at the time. That's about the last time I can remember dealing with it.
> 
> Do women here honestly get hit on or stared at on a regular basis?


The Walmart Parking Lot.


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## I Notice The Details

Entropy3000 said:


> The Walmart Parking Lot.


:rofl:


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## Faithful Wife

Um....yes, men stare. Everywhere. Restaurants, grocery stores, in your car waiting for a green light, walking down the sidewalk. I'm not saying they crane their necks out and whistle everywhere all the time. But - well - depending on what you are wearing and where you are, sometimes it is craning necks and whistles. Usually though, it is a stare that is meant to catch eyes with you. He is checking you out and waiting to catch your eye to determine if there is mutual attraction. If you are a single girl, then a lot of times you do make that eye contact and hold it if there IS attraction. When you are a married girl (speaking for myself and likely most married gals here), you are aware of men trying to make eye contact with you if it is happening and you deliberately avoid eye contact with those men.

Usually if I am with my husband, men will not try to make eye contact, they will simple glance respectfully.

When I am alone, they are outright trying to catch my attention or eye contact.


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## Holland

Trenton said:


> Where is all this checking out happening??? We either have a board of very hot chicks or men with very hot wives for chicks or I am totally clueless.
> 
> Had a run in with construction workers (husband wasn't there), talked about it briefly on the boards at the time. That's about the last time I can remember dealing with it.
> 
> Do women here honestly get hit on or stared at on a regular basis?


We go out a lot to see bands, pubs, events, concerts etc. Plenty of opportunity for this to happen, the supermarket is also a prime place. Not kidding myself here, not such a young chick anymore and I know it is my hair and DD's that attract attention. 
I am just one of those sort of people with a friendly face and happy to engage in chatting with someone if they approach me. 
Some women give off a "do not approach" vibe, I'm not one of them, I love people and life and up for the chat anytime.


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## Faithful Wife

Trenton...maybe you just need to be more observant. If you are female, males are noticing you.

Seriously, look a little closer for a week or two. You'll see guys checking you out everywhere. You may have thought they were just glancing around and you didn't realize they were actually "peeking" at you.

Maybe you just automatically assume a person who makes eye contact with you is just a friendly, normal person. But take notice of the men who make eye contact with you and you might see a different snap shot.


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## YinPrincess

My husband gets mad, too. Then finds a way to blame me somehow. He has accused me of "attention-seeking" and told me I should be more "self-conscious".

It doesn't feel possessive, though. Just feels like a lot of blame and criticism. My ex wasn't afraid to confront others, though.. And he was secretly proud that other guys "wished" they had a girl like me! LoL!! 
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Omgitsjoe

My wife was often oblivious to men looking or peeking at her until I started to mention this attention to her ..... be it at a bar , restaurant or just at the grocery.

At first she felt uncomfortable with it but as the years went by she too began to notice and actually enjoys the attention ....... especially if the guy is cute or good looking !


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## Bottled Up

It's pointless getting upset over someone else checking out your spouse... you can't control the world and it's a hypocritical move acting like you don't do the same. We have eyes, we look and we notice. That's life.

Now when someone comes up to your spouse and starts trying to put the moves on them right in front of you, well, that there is an honest-to-goodness line-crossing that calls for some action.


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## Faithful Wife

Trenton...now I get you. You have a huge rack. Therefore you have gotten used to being stared at to the extent that you don't really consider that "being stared at by men".

I have known quite a few women with very large racks who were like you...men were going gaga at them everywhere and they were like "no, it isn't me, it's just the girls" and I'm like, "but the girls are on YOU!"


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## I Notice The Details

Bottled Up said:


> It's pointless getting upset over someone else checking out your spouse... you can't control the world and it's a hypocritical move acting like you don't do the same. We have eyes, we look and we notice. That's life.
> 
> Now when someone comes up to your spouse and starts trying to put the moves on them right in front of you, well, that there is an honest-to-goodness line-crossing that calls for some action.


Nicely said Bottled Up....:iagree:


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## Bottled Up

Trenton said:


> Awwwww that must be alpha because it made me swoon and kiss him!


Yeah but from kiss to snore in 10 minutes? By not capitalizing on your swooning, he totally just botched his Alphaness with a huge Beta move.


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## Bottled Up

Trenton said:


> I just didn't want to go into details Mr. Bottle


LOL. I'm just playin' with ya Trenton... I had a huge grin on my face the whole time as I typed that one to you.


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## Pandakiss

Omgitsjoe said:


> Well said ...... we can't speak for other people's actions but our own  !! Your confidence is a very attractive trait as I am sure you are !



Thanks.....
As monk would say..."it's a gift, and a curse...."

HA


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## Wiserforit

Men who like large breasts will be noticed looking at large breasts. Not men in general. 

Various studies have been done that are not all in agreement with one another, but this piece mentions the large breast myth, with surveys between 25% and 65% of men favoring them:

Great Male Survey: Sexuality Myths - AskMen

I mention this not to put down women with large boobs, but to point out that whether you are curvy or super slim or petite or have really long hair or a large rear end - the men who like that trait are going to look at you in the grocery store. 

That being said, there are some interesting and conclusive studies demonstrating traits considered attractive across all of us, such as facial symmetry, proportionality, and placement.


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## Pandakiss

Trenton said:


> Where is all this checking out happening??? We either have a board of very hot chicks or men with very hot wives for chicks or I am totally clueless.
> 
> Had a run in with construction workers (husband wasn't there), talked about it briefly on the boards at the time. That's about the last time I can remember dealing with it.
> 
> Do women here honestly get hit on or stared at on a regular basis?



Sadly....the mall, the book store, standing in line at Starbucks, grocery shopping, library, bus stop or riding on the bus, best buy, target. But for me, not Walmart. Strange, but kinda glad. 

My husband fits about 85% of the men demo graph in what is found to be hot in women. Since I dress for him, it just so happens it fits with the majority of men. 

Also, I'm just talkative and friendly and it dosent matter man or woman, if your shoes, shirt, dress, belt is cute or nice, I will tell you. 

As I said in another thread, I wear very interesting accessories, and I get asked about them from men and women.


----------



## Holland

Wiserforit said:


> Men who like large breasts will be noticed looking at large breasts. Not men in general.
> 
> Various studies have been done that are not all in agreement with one another, but this piece mentions the large breast myth, with surveys between 25% and 65% of men favoring them:
> 
> Great Male Survey: Sexuality Myths - AskMen
> 
> I mention this not to put down women with large boobs, but to point out that whether you are curvy or super slim or petite or have really long hair or a large rear end - the men who like that trait are going to look at you in the grocery store.
> 
> That being said, there are some interesting and conclusive studies demonstrating traits considered attractive across all of us, such as facial symmetry, proportionality, and placement.


Common sense though isn't it, we look at what we find attractive. Do people need studies to tell them this?

I look at tall, broad men in suits because that is what I find attractive. I don't check out men with blonde hair, long hair, fat or poorly dressed men because none of these things are attractive to me. Guessing most people look at what attracts them and each person will have different things that attract them.


----------



## OhGeesh

Don't care I tell my wife all the time if she could have a line going around the block if she wanted! 

Stare away fellas she sleeps in my bed !!


----------



## Wiserforit

Holland said:


> Common sense though isn't it, we look at what we find attractive.


Absolutely. 



> Do people need studies to tell them this?


The studies are good at deflating myths and helping women get around silly self-esteem problems such as the inferiority complex some have over the super-skinny model types. Turns out more men prefer "curvy" women. 

With the "big breast myth" one issue is women spending a lot of money on enhancement thinking that is going to make them more attractive. It may indeed work for some but geez, that is a decision that has to be made with extreme caution and full information, it seems to me. 




> I look at tall, broad men in suits because that is what I find attractive. I don't check out men with blonde hair, long hair, fat or poorly dressed men because none of these things are attractive to me. Guessing most people look at what attracts them and each person will have different things that attract them.


Then you would not give me a second look.


----------



## Maneo

And wives what about when your man checks out other women? 
We live in Hawaii where there is an abundance of pretty young things in scanty attire. Being a healthy male, heck being a breathing male, I take notice from time to time. She tolerates my glances but only glances and lets me know it. 
What about you other wives?


----------



## AlphaHalf

If a man glances once or twice I don't have a problem. But if they stare to long and know that she is with me then its disrespect. (Man Code)


----------



## Holland

Wiserforit said:


> Absolutely.
> 
> 
> 
> The studies are good at deflating myths and helping women get around silly self-esteem problems such as the inferiority complex some have over the super-skinny model types. Turns out more men prefer "curvy" women.
> 
> With the "big breast myth" one issue is women spending a lot of money on enhancement thinking that is going to make them more attractive. It may indeed work for some but geez, that is a decision that has to be made with extreme caution and full information, it seems to me.
> 
> The fake boob thing is interesting, I used to think men liked them but now after reading and talking to guys I am not so sure. Got to say that they do look a bit weird, hmmm wonder how they feel.
> 
> 
> Then you would not give me a second look.
> 
> And many men would not give me a second look, that is life I guess. But sadly the most impressive part of any man is not on view, that being his brain both IQ and EQ. Women have it easier in so many ways, we can do our hair, put on make up and wear a pretty dress and bam the job is done. But we probably miss so many great guys because they are not the look we want even though they could be the perfect man for us.
> 
> I took a gamble on SO, first balding man I have ever dated, lucky I looked past that and spent the time talking to him. He is the perfect man for me.


----------



## Holland

Trenton is that you in the pic? I am thinking you actually do get lots of looks but you just don't know it. You are a very attractive woman woohoo


----------



## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> I agree that attraction is SO relative.
> 
> I like Latinos and half Asian/half white. No freaking idea why but I also like dark hair, dark eyes and hairless chest and back, strong arms...love me some strong arms. My husband's chest makes me so happy and he doesn't even have boobs. When he puts on his nerd glasses and stares at the computer screen or looks all serious, oh sheesh.
> 
> I also LOVE that I can put 5 inch heels on and he is confident enough to stand by my side even though I tower over him.
> 
> He loves my boobies but I know he actually prefers my legs and butt. Very ironic that I married a leg and butt man.
> 
> 
> 
> Is this on the wrong thread? Ooopsie!
> 
> Oh yeah, taller!


You guys are an awesome couple. Thank you for sharing.

Here is a sensuous song you guys can dance to --> Straight To Number One


----------



## johnnycomelately

Trenton said:


> I don't know. Tomorrow I'm going to make eye contact with every man I see and find out what happens.


Could make for an interesting day.


----------



## tobio

I posted a while ago about when I was out with hubz and got looked at by some guy. I was wearing a short playsuit and coat over it and he was angry because he said it looked like I didn't have anything on underneath. FYI it wasn't a "slvtty" outfit IMO but he didn't like that it got me attention because HE thought it looked slvtty. In that case he was pretty cross about it -I don't know if he thought it reflected on HIM or if he was worried I was giving off the wrong impression, I don't know. FWIW I would describe myself as quite shy so I wouldn't invite that attention ever.

Apart from that I cannot remember hubz commenting on a guy checking me out ever. I don't know if a) guys don't check me out, b) he doesn't notice guys check me out or c) he notices but doesn't say anything. I must ask him!


----------



## Rags

Trenton said:


> I don't know. Tomorrow I'm going to make eye contact with every man I see and find out what happens. They are probably going to think I'm creepy. Maybe that's my problem, I'm an awkward person and clumsy.


Let us know how that goes for you


----------



## Entropy3000

tobio said:


> I posted a while ago about when I was out with hubz and got looked at by some guy. I was wearing a short playsuit and coat over it and he was angry because he said it looked like I didn't have anything on underneath. FYI it wasn't a "slvtty" outfit IMO but he didn't like that it got me attention because HE thought it looked slvtty. In that case he was pretty cross about it -I don't know if he thought it reflected on HIM or if he was worried I was giving off the wrong impression, I don't know. FWIW I would describe myself as quite shy so I wouldn't invite that attention ever.
> 
> Apart from that I cannot remember hubz commenting on a guy checking me out ever. I don't know if a) guys don't check me out, b) he doesn't notice guys check me out or c) he notices but doesn't say anything. I must ask him!


I guess I would have had to have been there to have an opinion. If the playsuit was short and the coat was as short it may have drawn some undue attention. But your husband was there. Was what you were wearing in your opinion ok for you to have been there by yourself?

Our wives absolutely reflect on us. If our wife is disrepected we are disrespected.

I have no doubt that respect is important to everyone. However for most men respect / admiration is their #2 emotional need.

When my wife is out with me I like her to dress sexy. But there are still limits. There are outfits she has worn with me that I would not be happy about her wearing without me. This has never been an issue for us. She does this naturally on her own.

If my wife was going out without me and dressing ultra sexy however I would have a problem with that. I am not talking about a great looking woman looking great or turning heads. That is fine. I am talking about the type of clothing a single woman may wear out if she is looking for guys attention.

It is not the looking that is the problem. It is the message that is being sent out intentionally or not. 
But indeed motivation would be questionable. So a woman may be approached by a guy and she may hold up her hand and show the ring and he may reply sorry I was distracted by the ring though your nipple that is visble for all to see. While many may disagree I think clothing or lack there of is a boundary issue that couples need to agree on. Some couples are anything goes in this reguard.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake

Entropy3000 said:


> Our wives absolutely reflect on us. If our wife is disrepected we are disrespected.


That is total and absolute crap. What someone thinks or says about me or to me has no bearing whatsoever on my husband and vice versa. Why should it matter to him if someone thinks poorly of me? Other than him not wanting my feelings to be hurt of course, or worrying about my reputation. But disrespecting me means disrespecting him? That's laughable and archaic.


----------



## Caribbean Man

LadyOfTheLake said:


> That is total and absolute crap. What someone thinks or says about me or to me has no bearing whatsoever on my husband and vice versa. Why should it matter to him if someone thinks poorly of me? Other than him not wanting my feelings to be hurt of course, or worrying about my reputation. But disrespecting me means disrespecting him? That's laughable and archaic.


Errr No.

That's not how it works.
You disrespect my wife I would have to deal with you. She didn't do you anything , so don't cross the border.

If you touch my wife and she feels violated , I will fcuk up up...., badly.

Men are supposed to protect their wives ,daughters and womenfolk from other predatory , disrespectful and abusive men.


----------



## samyeagar

LadyOfTheLake said:


> That is total and absolute crap. What someone thinks or says about me or to me has no bearing whatsoever on my husband and vice versa. Why should it matter to him if someone thinks poorly of me? Other than him not wanting my feelings to be hurt of course, or worrying about my reputation. But disrespecting me means disrespecting him? That's laughable and archaic.


If someone was disrespecting your husband in your presence, would you feel disrespected? Would you defend him?


----------



## Entropy3000

LadyOfTheLake said:


> *That is total and absolute crap.*
> 
> *What someone thinks or says about me or to me has no bearing whatsoever on my husband and vice versa.* *UFB*
> 
> Why should it matter to him if someone thinks poorly of me? Other than him not wanting my feelings to be hurt of course, or worrying about my reputation. But disrespecting me means disrespecting him? That's laughable and archaic.


It may be crap to you. Your husband it seems disagrees with you on this one.

But my wife is the most important person in the world to me. We are partners. 

We are not boy friend and girl friend. We have a lifetime investment in each other. As the song goes she is my lover and my best friend. She is my wingwoman and I am her wingman. We absolutely have each others back. 

You continually make time references in your posts. 

Cave men. Archaic. This is not 1913. Whatup with that? I actually think that this view is becoming outdated. Modern men are starting to catch up with this rhetoric. Also some things stand the test of time. If you feel manliness is something you want nothing to do with that is fine. Why be married at all?

I agree that it is not automatic to have this level of intimacy. Many never achieve it.


----------



## Entropy3000

Caribbean Man said:


> Errr No.
> 
> That's not how it works.
> You disrespect my wife I would have to deal with you. She didn't do you anything , so don't cross the border.
> 
> *If you touch my wife and she feels violated , I will fcuk up up...., badly.*
> 
> Men are supposed to protect their wives ,daughters and womenfolk from other predatory , disrespectful and abusive men.


And there is synergy here as well. My wife would not put up with me being disrespected either. If she had a friend for example who wronged me she would act as if she was wronged as well.


----------



## tobio

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess I would have had to have been there to have an opinion. If the playsuit was short and the coat was as short it may have drawn some undue attention. But your husband was there. *Was what you were wearing in your opinion ok for you to have been there by yourself?*
> 
> *Our wives absolutely reflect on us. If our wife is disrepected we are disrespected.*
> 
> I have no doubt that respect is important to everyone. However for most men respect / admiration is their #2 emotional need.
> 
> When my wife is out with me I like her to dress sexy. But there are still limits. There are outfits she has worn with me that I would not be happy about her wearing without me. This has never been an issue for us. She does this naturally on her own.
> 
> If my wife was going out without me and dressing ultra sexy however I would have a problem with that. I am not talking about a great looking woman looking great or turning heads. That is fine. I am talking about the type of clothing a single woman may wear out if she is looking for guys attention.
> 
> It is not the looking that is the problem. It is the message that is being sent out intentionally or not.
> But indeed motivation would be questionable. So a woman may be approached by a guy and she may hold up her hand and show the ring and he may reply sorry I was distracted by the ring though your nipple that is visble for all to see. While many may disagree I think clothing or lack there of is a boundary issue that couples need to agree on. Some couples are anything goes in this reguard.


That outfit, I have worn on the school run, so I think it is quite fine. That particular scene caused such a problem that I actually ended up getting rid of that outfit.

About the husband being disrespected... I meant this more towards someone seeing how the wife dresses, forming an opinion on the wife BASED on that (ie, she's slvtty, easy, looking for outside attention etc), and it reflecting on the husband - ie he isn't bothered with his wife inviting attention, she might like a bit on the side and he's okay with that, etc. And him being pissed off because this isn't "him" at all.

It's still a bit of a sore point tbh because I can't work out what he wants. He always said he likes that I look young (not that I'm old!) and not "mumsy", and I know he gets a kick out of telling people we have four children then they see me and say wow, I don't look old enough to have kids, let alone four. That said, I don't dress like a teenager or anything. Just cutesy I suppose. Dresses, 50s cardigans, black tights, black boots or cute pumps, long brunette hair dyed red. I really don't look that inappropriate I don't think!


----------



## Entropy3000

tobio said:


> That outfit, I have worn on the school run, so I think it is quite fine. That particular scene caused such a problem that I actually ended up getting rid of that outfit.
> 
> About the husband being disrespected... I meant this more towards someone seeing how the wife dresses, forming an opinion on the wife BASED on that (ie, she's slvtty, easy, looking for outside attention etc), and it reflecting on the husband - ie he isn't bothered with his wife inviting attention, she might like a bit on the side and he's okay with that, etc. And him being pissed off because this isn't "him" at all.
> 
> It's still a bit of a sore point tbh because I can't work out what he wants. He always said he likes that I look young (not that I'm old!) and not "mumsy", and I know he gets a kick out of telling people we have four children then they see me and say wow, I don't look old enough to have kids, let alone four. That said, I don't dress like a teenager or anything. Just cutesy I suppose. Dresses, 50s cardigans, black tights, black boots or cute pumps, long brunette hair dyed red. I really don't look that inappropriate I don't think!


I really do not understand what that was about then. But I agree there is something going on. 

I enjoy very much when my wife looks sexy.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake

Entropy3000 said:


> It may be crap to you. Your husband it seems disagrees with you on this one.
> 
> But my wife is the most important person in the world to me. We are partners.
> 
> We are not boy friend and girl friend. We have a lifetime investment in each other. As the song goes she is my lover and my best friend. She is my wingwoman and I am her wingman. We absolutely have each others back.
> 
> You continually make time references in your posts.
> 
> Cave men. Archaic. This is not 1913. Whatup with that? I actually think that this view is becoming outdated. Modern men are starting to catch up with this rhetoric. Also some things stand the test of time. If you feel manliness is something you want nothing to do with that is fine. Why be married at all?
> 
> I agree that it is not automatic to have this level of intimacy. Many never achieve it.


My defintion of manliness doesn't include being treated like an accessory. As an object to either inflate or deflate a man's ego. Therefore, I feel that what people think,feel and or say about me has no bearing on my husband whatsoever, beyond any concern for my wellbeing on his part. If a person thinks I'm a tart, cheap, easy, bit*hy, ugly, or mean or any other disrespectful term I don't see why that should be of any concern to him, especially if I myself don't care.no one is talking about *him*. If I have a problem with it, I'll deal with it. That's one of the fun things about being an adult. He can defend me, as I'd defend him but I'd never feel personally disprespected if someone dissed DH. It has nothing to do with me. Case in point: DH is a manager at a large company and he can be a real hard a$$ lots of people have said nasty things about him and it eventually gets back to us. I don't like it, and I'd tell them to go pound sand if I could, but I don't feel as though *I* have been personally disrespected when they trash talk DH. Again, it has nothing to do with me. We are two seperate individuals. Married and in love, but not conjoined twins. 

As for the time references, it seems like a lot of the guys on this board just stepped out of a time machine from the past. All this talk of manning up, alpha nonsense and taking charge makes me wonder if I'm reading archives from the 50's. Men and women are equal now...I think some of you didn't get the memo.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## tobio

Hubz has stated he likes me going more for a more "classy" look now. I have a pencil-skirt dress that is quite 50s, just above the knee. It's really high-cut so not revealing at all but it's quite figure-hugging and he likes that a lot. He thinks that's classy. Funny thing is it gets just as much attention as the outfit I got rid of. We were at a family dinner a few weeks ago and I wore it, and as I stood up to take my coat off, I looked across the table and his brother was gawking at my boobs. Awkward!

I always notice girls looking at hubz so it'd be interesting to know what he thinks when he sees guys looking at me.


----------



## Holland

Entropy3000 said:


> I guess I would have had to have been there to have an opinion. If the playsuit was short and the coat was as short it may have drawn some undue attention. But your husband was there. Was what you were wearing in your opinion ok for you to have been there by yourself?
> 
> Our wives absolutely reflect on us. If our wife is disrepected we are disrespected.
> 
> I have no doubt that respect is important to everyone. However for most men respect / admiration is their #2 emotional need.
> 
> When my wife is out with me I like her to dress sexy. But there are still limits. There are outfits she has worn with me that I would not be happy about her wearing without me. This has never been an issue for us. She does this naturally on her own.
> 
> If my wife was going out without me and dressing ultra sexy however I would have a problem with that. I am not talking about a great looking woman looking great or turning heads. That is fine. I am talking about the type of clothing a single woman may wear out if she is looking for guys attention.
> 
> It is not the looking that is the problem. It is the message that is being sent out intentionally or not.
> But indeed motivation would be questionable. So a woman may be approached by a guy and she may hold up her hand and show the ring and he may reply sorry I was distracted by the ring though your nipple that is visble for all to see. While many may disagree I think clothing or lack there of is a boundary issue that couples need to agree on. Some couples are anything goes in this reguard.


I agree with this and actually do dress differently when going out without SO, then I dress nicely for myself, up to date and fashionable for myself. But I when out with him I dress in a more sexy way and do it for him exclusively. If I get attention then so be it.
But a woman does not have to be dressed in a sexy way to get attention, funnily enough there are a lot of men out there that don't mind perving on a woman in lycra. What are we supposed to do, stop our sports?


----------



## samyeagar

Holland said:


> I agree with this and actually do dress differently when going out without SO, then I dress nicely for myself, up to date and fashionable for myself. But I when out with him I dress in a more sexy way and do it for him exclusively. If I get attention then so be it.
> But a woman does not have to be dressed in a sexy way to get attention, funnily enough there are a lot of men out there that don't mind perving on a woman in lycra. *What are we supposed to do, stop our sports*?


Oh definitely not. By all means continue with them. Especially the ones where you need to wear yoga pants


----------



## Wiserforit

Entropy3000 said:


> Cave men. Archaic. This is not 1913. Whatup with that?


Someone obviously has a chip on their shoulder with these kinds of derisive comments. What is so interesting about them is that it actually looks like we are past the radical feminist PC bullying where everything is interpreted through the lense of "men are putting women down" if their lips are moving. 

One of the most interesting effects of the war on men is that the desire to get married by young men has taken a nose-dive at the same time the desire for young women to get married has done the opposite. There are a lot of articles about this, eg here:

http://http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore/

In short, being nasty to men isn't working out very well. When expressing concern for your significant other or doing something for them is met with "fu*k you very much" then you have a pretty nasty person on your hands. From the author:



> “When I ask them why, the answer is always the same: women aren’t women anymore.” Feminism, which teaches women to think of men as the enemy, has made women “angry” and “defensive, though often unknowingly.”


You can see that anger and defensiveness in the high crime of being upset when your spouse is under attack. Wanting to defend your spouse is actually abusing them with this world view. If someone insults your wife and you step in and defend her then the wife should slap you in the face for being so oppressive of her. 

But again this is becoming outdated. What is this, the 1960's?


----------



## Entropy3000

LadyOfTheLake said:


> My defintion of manliness doesn't include being treated like an accessory. As an object to either inflate or deflate a man's ego.
> 
> *You are calling yourself an accessory. Why would you look at yourself in this way?* * And he is not just a man. He is your husband. Why would you not be all about your husband?*
> 
> *Here let me help.
> 
> 1) A guy walks up to me and tells me that I am wearing an f^ing ugly tie. We laugh and have a drink.*
> 
> *2) The same guy instead walks up and says your wife is an ugly b!tch. Now here is where men vary. Some men would have a drink with the guy. Not me. *
> 
> *3) The same guy instead walks up to my wife and says I love your t!ts I would love you to yadda yadda. Some would insist the woman needs to do something here first. But I think the husband should deal with the guy.
> 
> 4) The same guy walks up to my wife and puts his hand on her @$$. I am standing right there.*
> 
> Therefore, I feel that what people think,feel and or say about me has no bearing on my husband whatsoever, beyond any concern for my wellbeing on his part. If a person thinks I'm a tart, cheap, easy, bit*hy, ugly, or mean or any other disrespectful term I don't see why that should be of any concern to him, especially if I myself don't care.no one is talking about *him*.
> 
> *He is your husband is why. You are not single.*
> 
> If I have a problem with it, I'll deal with it.
> That's one of the fun things about being an adult.
> 
> *Being an adult is one thing. Being married is a whole other level.* *But indeed you can feel any way you want about it.* * If that works for you great.* *But it does not work for a lot of other people who you wish to put down as being archaic.*
> 
> He can defend me, as I'd defend him but I'd never feel personally disprespected if someone dissed DH.
> 
> *You guys just are not at that close level.*
> 
> It has nothing to do with me. Case in point: DH is a manager at a large company and he can be a real hard a$$ lots of people have said nasty things about him and it eventually gets back to us. I don't like it, and I'd tell them to go pound sand if I could, but I don't feel as though *I* have been personally disrespected when they trash talk DH. Again, it has nothing to do with me. We are two seperate individuals. Married and in love, but not conjoined twins.
> 
> *You are just not that close to him.* *There is also a difference for someone not liking a manager and something up close and personal.*
> 
> As for the time references, it seems like a lot of the guys on this board just stepped out of a time machine from the past.
> 
> *Not me. I have lived every minute of it.*
> 
> All this talk of manning up, alpha nonsense and taking charge makes me wonder if I'm reading archives from the 50's.
> 
> *Being a man has nothing to do with the 50s.*
> 
> Men and women are equal now...I think some of you didn't get the memo.
> 
> *Men and women are equal but not the same.*
> *If you are really a free and thoughtful person with self value no one gives you a memo.*


Hopefully you will work this out with your husband.

You guys have to define your marriage.

Is your quest for freedom and separation and all the rest stronger than your desire to be with this man?

Why did you marry him?


----------



## Entropy3000

tobio said:


> Hubz has stated he likes me going more for a more "classy" look now. I have a pencil-skirt dress that is quite 50s, just above the knee. It's really high-cut so not revealing at all but it's quite figure-hugging and he likes that a lot. He thinks that's classy. Funny thing is it gets just as much attention as the outfit I got rid of. We were at a family dinner a few weeks ago and I wore it, and as I stood up to take my coat off, I looked across the table and his brother was gawking at my boobs. Awkward!
> 
> I always notice girls looking at hubz so it'd be interesting to know what he thinks when he sees guys looking at me.


A woman can dress very classy and get a lot of attention. Another can dress ... well like a hooker and get attention.

Trust me it is not the same attention. I do understand that.

A woman can be very sexy and very classy at the same time. I think that is great.


----------



## Entropy3000

Holland said:


> I agree with this and actually do dress differently when going out without SO, then I dress nicely for myself, up to date and fashionable for myself. But I when out with him I dress in a more sexy way and do it for him exclusively. If I get attention then so be it.
> *But a woman does not have to be dressed in a sexy way to get attention,* funnily enough there are a lot of men out there that don't mind perving on a woman in lycra. What are we supposed to do, stop our sports?


Yes ... understood. It is not just about the attention itself.

What you do is frankly respectful. To yourself, to your husband and to your marriage.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Wiserforit said:


> Someone obviously has a chip on their shoulder with these kinds of derisive comments. What is so interesting about them is that it actually looks like we are past the feminazi PC bullying where everything is interpreted through the lense of "men are putting women down" if their lips are moving.
> 
> One of the most interesting effects of the war on men is that the desire to get married by young men has taken a nose-dive at the same time the desire for young women to get married has done the opposite. There are a lot of articles about this, eg here:
> 
> http://http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/young-men-giving-up-on-marriage-women-arent-women-anymore/
> 
> In short, being nasty to men isn't working out very well. When expressing concern for your significant other or doing something for them is met with "fu*k you very much" then you have a pretty nasty person on your hands. From the author:
> 
> 
> 
> You can see that anger and defensiveness in the high crime of being upset when your spouse is under attack. Wanting to defend your spouse is actually abusing them with this world view. If someone insults your wife and you step in and defend her then the wife should slap you in the face for being so oppressive of her.
> 
> But again this is becoming outdated. What is this, the 1960's?


While I don't agree with what LadyoftheLake said, feminazi is a highly offensive term. If you don't like the feminist movement, fine. That's your choice. Why you have to use a deliberately inciting and offensive term though is beyond me. Your point could have been made in so many other ways.


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Feminazi is a highly offensive term. If you don't like the feminist movement, fine. That's your choice. Why you have to use a deliberately inciting and offensive term though is beyond me.


It's actually quite a nice way to label supporters the fascist feminism waves. Every so-called "progressive" feminist you see nowadays, have no problem with trying to shame men, throwing the word "misogyny" around and overstating first-world female problems while making derisive comments about male problems. Feminazi is an apt term.


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana

LadyOfTheLake said:


> Men and women are equal now...I think some of you didn't get the memo.


When you produce as much testosterone as I do, or I bleed every month without cutting myself, we'll talk about your understanding of "equality".

We have to have equality in rights, opportunities etc. but in everyday life we aren't "equal". If the knowledge that we aren't the same causes you to think yourself as inferior, it's not anyone else's responsibility to mature you out of your insecurities.

Okay, threadjack off. sorry OP.

EDIT: Omg, you are talking about "equality", yet you have no problem saying you would only want a spouse that makes more money than you in another thread. okay. I guess equality goes so far in your book, eh.


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

Shadow_Nirvana said:


> It's actually quite a nice way to label supporters the fascist feminism waves. Every so-called "progressive" feminist you see nowadays, have no problem with trying to shame men, throwing the word "misogyny" around and overstating first-world female problems while making derisive comments about male problems. Feminazi is an apt term.


Likening certain women to the Holocaust isn't "apt" nor appropriate. It's derisive and insulting to multiple groups of people.
Back to the topic at hand, I appreciate a man who stands up for me. I can usually handle the situation but it's nice to know that my husband has my back, as I do his.


----------



## Faithful Wife

Shadow Nirvana....I hope you don't mind but I took a quote of something you just said and started a whole new topic about it in the Ladies Lounge. Feel free to comment over there, as I am curious about your perspective on it.


----------



## Entropy3000

We are stardust (Woodstock - Joni Mitchell) rare live version - YouTube

Actually Joni was not at Woodstock.

Anyway, you all fight the battle. I love women. They make life worth living. 

I love my wife and she loves me. We are very much equal partners but we are not the same. Because of this we are better together. This is how I view marriage. 

Yes indeed as in any movement of value there are those that hijack and turn it into hate.

I say we bury the hate.


----------



## Wiserforit

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Likening certain women to the Holocaust isn't "apt" nor appropriate. It's derisive and insulting to multiple groups of people.
> Back to the topic at hand, I appreciate a man who stands up for me. I can usually handle the situation but it's nice to know that my husband has my back, as I do his.


Merriam-Webster's definition: "an extreme or militant feminist." If it is in Merriam Webster's dictionary as such I don't think you can commandeer the word yourself to say that it means "femi-caust". 

But hey, I am more than happy to go back and insert Merriam Webster's definition in there, and in part I'll tell you why: I did not know that Rush Limaugh coined the term. Rush is a hypocritical, bloviating dunce that I do not want to be associated with.


----------



## Holland

PHP:







Shadow_Nirvana said:


> It's actually quite a nice way to label supporters the fascist feminism waves. Every so-called "progressive" feminist you see nowadays, have no problem with trying to shame men, throwing the word "misogyny" around and overstating first-world female problems while making derisive comments about male problems. Feminazi is an apt term.


If 34 members of your family had been murdered by the nazi's you may think differently about this.

I am a feminist, an equalist. Never want to shame men and thrive on helping to raise the next generation of good men. Feminism is not about shaming men, these are not real feminists and your term of feminazi is nothing short of hatred mongering.


----------



## Wiserforit

Holland said:


> PHP:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> If 34 members of your family had been murdered by the nazi's you may think differently about this.
> 
> I am a feminist, an equalist. Never want to shame men .


You just did.


----------



## Holland

Wiserforit said:


> You just did.


So stating my opinion is shaming a man? OK well then we had all better stop talking.

Seriously?


----------



## LadyOfTheLake

Oh good God, I'm not a feminist, nazi or otherwise. I'm a humanist. I believe in equality across the board and in personal responsibilty. No one is responsible for me but me. No one need feel respect or disrespect based on what happens to me...its bizarree to think otherwise IMO. 90 percent of my friends are male but we don't talk about relationship stuff and feelings and mushy stuff so I ust don't understand this. 

Shadow Nirvana I think you have me confused with someone else. I've never mentioned earnings ability at all.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Therealbrighteyes

So the general consensus then is looking = cool but staring/gawking = not cool? Can we at least all agree on this?


----------



## LadyOfTheLake

> Originally Posted by LadyOfTheLake
> My defintion of manliness doesn't include being treated like an accessory. As an object to either inflate or deflate a man's ego.
> 
> You are calling yourself an accessory. Why would you look at yourself in this way? And he is not just a man. He is your husband. Why would you not be all about your husband?
> 
> Here let me help.
> 
> 1) A guy walks up to me and tells me that I am wearing an f^ing ugly tie. We laugh and have a drink.
> 
> 2) The same guy instead walks up and says your wife is an ugly b!tch. Now here is where men vary. Some men would have a drink with the guy. Not me.
> 
> 3) The same guy instead walks up to my wife and says I love your t!ts I would love you to yadda yadda. Some would insist the woman needs to do something here first. But I think the husband should deal with the guy.
> 
> 4) The same guy walks up to my wife and puts his hand on her @$$. I am standing right there.
> 
> Therefore, I feel that what people think,feel and or say about me has no bearing on my husband whatsoever, beyond any concern for my wellbeing on his part. If a person thinks I'm a tart, cheap, easy, bit*hy, ugly, or mean or any other disrespectful term I don't see why that should be of any concern to him, especially if I myself don't care.no one is talking about *him*.
> 
> He is your husband is why. You are not single.
> 
> If I have a problem with it, I'll deal with it.
> That's one of the fun things about being an adult.
> 
> Being an adult is one thing. Being married is a whole other level. But indeed you can feel any way you want about it. If that works for you great. But it does not work for a lot of other people who you wish to put down as being archaic.
> 
> He can defend me, as I'd defend him but I'd never feel personally disprespected if someone dissed DH.
> 
> You guys just are not at that close level.
> 
> It has nothing to do with me. Case in point: DH is a manager at a large company and he can be a real hard a$$ lots of people have said nasty things about him and it eventually gets back to us. I don't like it, and I'd tell them to go pound sand if I could, but I don't feel as though *I* have been personally disrespected when they trash talk DH. Again, it has nothing to do with me. We are two seperate individuals. Married and in love, but not conjoined twins.
> 
> You are just not that close to him. There is also a difference for someone not liking a manager and something up close and personal.
> 
> As for the time references, it seems like a lot of the guys on this board just stepped out of a time machine from the past.
> 
> Not me. I have lived every minute of it.
> 
> All this talk of manning up, alpha nonsense and taking charge makes me wonder if I'm reading archives from the 50's.
> 
> Being a man has nothing to do with the 50s.
> 
> Men and women are equal now...I think some of you didn't get the memo.
> 
> Men and women are equal but not the same.
> If you are really a free and thoughtful person with self value no one gives you a memo.
> Hopefully you will work this out with your husband.
> 
> You guys have to define your marriage.
> 
> Is your quest for freedom and separation and all the rest stronger than your desire to be with this man?
> 
> Why did you marry him?



I'm not calling myself an accessory, I said I refuse to be treated as such. His ego will have to rise or fall without me, just as my own self worth has nothing to do with him. Why would I feel bad about myself, as in feeling upset or disrespected if someone said or did something nasty to him? I'd feel bad *for* him, be angry *for* him, be defensive *of* him....but my own feelings of self worth are irrelevant. As it should be, and as I would expect in return. I certainly hope he wouldn't have any of his self worth invested in what happens to me....that is pointless and well....stupid.:scratchhead: I don't get why anyone would feel otherwise....it honestly doesn't make any sense to me. 

I understand scenario 1. Scenario 2, I could see not wanting to have a drink with an obnoxious and annoying person. Scenario 3, *I* handle Mr. Big Mouth and set him in his place. You know a woman can shrivel a man in a few choice words and have it done and over with quickly and quietly, whereas men will start braying and yelling and creating a scene. Scenario 4, any man who touches me without permission needs to move it or lose it. DH wouldn't have time to react. I'd be *all* over that. 

And I'm not on a quest for freedom and separation, I just expect to be treated with dignity and respect, like any grown adult has the right to. I'm not a child or an imbecile, I don't need protection. I can and will fight my own battles...that's what grownups do. Dh is is there for moral support and comfort if I need it, as I am for him. We are there for each other, as partners. I don't need or expect him to look out for me.

As for this man hating feminist stuff.....nothing could be further from reality. Most of my friends are men, the rough outdoorsy hunting and fishing types. I have few female friends as I can't relate to most women. I find them shallow, needy, and annoying. I really do like men, I just don't understand *this* bit. 

I asked DH about this once, and he said that he felt disrespected when someone spoke crudely to me. I told him he was being an idiot and to get over himself. What that person said to me had nothing at all to do with him and he needed to stop projecting. But we still disagree on this issue.


----------



## richie33

Can he take her off my hands.


----------



## samyeagar

LadyOfTheLake said:


> I'm not calling myself an accessory, I said I refuse to be treated as such. His ego will have to rise or fall without me, just as my own self worth has nothing to do with him. Why would I feel bad about myself, as in feeling upset or disrespected if someone said or did something nasty to him? I'd feel bad *for* him, be angry *for* him, be defensive *of* him....but my own feelings of self worth are irrelevant. As it should be, and as I would expect in return. I certainly hope he wouldn't have any of his self worth invested in what happens to me....that is pointless and well....stupid.:scratchhead: I don't get why anyone would feel otherwise....it honestly doesn't make any sense to me.
> 
> I understand scenario 1. Scenario 2, I could see not wanting to have a drink with an obnoxious and annoying person. Scenario 3, *I* handle Mr. Big Mouth and set him in his place. You know a woman can shrivel a man in a few choice words and have it done and over with quickly and quietly, whereas men will start braying and yelling and creating a scene. Scenario 4, any man who touches me without permission needs to move it or lose it. DH wouldn't have time to react. I'd be *all* over that.
> 
> And I'm not on a quest for freedom and separation, I just expect to be treated with dignity and respect, like any grown adult has the right to. I'm not a child or an imbecile, I don't need protection. I can and will fight my own battles...that's what grownups do. Dh is is there for moral support and comfort if I need it, as I am for him. We are there for each other, as partners. I don't need or expect him to look out for me.
> 
> As for this man hating feminist stuff.....nothing could be further from reality. Most of my friends are men, the rough outdoorsy hunting and fishing types. I have few female friends as I can't relate to most women. I find them shallow, needy, and annoying. I really do like men, I just don't understand *this* bit.
> 
> I asked DH about this once, and he said that he felt disrespected when someone spoke crudely to me. I told him he was being an idiot and to get over himself. What that person said to me had nothing at all to do with him and he needed to stop projecting. *But we still disagree on this issue*.


And I suspect you will continue to disagree on this issue because he is a man, and you are well...you.


----------



## gbrad

Faithful Wife said:


> If a man is trying to make eye contact with me, speak to me unnecessarily, or is outright oogling....my H will then make eye contact with the guy and give him the "she's mine" stare.
> 
> All of this happens without my notice.


Never had this issue happen.


----------



## Entropy3000

Trenton said:


> Interesting observations FrenchFry! Love it! Strange how location changes reality so quickly. I'm going to pay attention more often now and see what is the what and ask why.


As Entropy says "Venue matters" Or more specifically context matters.


----------



## Entropy3000

LadyOfTheLake said:


> I understand scenario 1. Scenario 2, I could see not wanting to have a drink with an obnoxious and annoying person.
> 
> Scenario 3, *I* handle Mr. Big Mouth and set him in his place.
> 
> *You do not see how this has disrepected your husband as well? I do think you need to handle this quickly. But I have seen where this just becomes a flirting exchange.* *I get that you want the power to decide on your own how far to let this go.* *But that discounts your husband again.* *I believe in double jeopardy. Meaning something like this deserves a response form both.*
> 
> Scenario 4, any man who touches me without permission needs to move it or lose it.
> 
> *So him just letting go is ok? No harm done? This should not bother your husband? You think it is ok for your hsband not to respond with something so blatant?*
> 
> DH wouldn't have time to react. I'd be *all* over that.
> 
> *It is not just about you when you are married.* *Indeed you should shut down all these guys. However sometimes that is not enough.* *These battles are not just your battles.*
> 
> *You may could care less but any scenario where a man approaches another man's wife in his presence and hits on her or grabs her physically is sending a very definite message to the husband about his wife and about him.
> 
> The message is exceedingly more than if the man wiped his shoes on both the wife and husband or and perhaps urinated on him.
> *
> *-- The woman you have dedicated your life to is such a slvt that I can walk up to her and she will disrespect you for me. Do not worry as when I am through with her I will toss her aside as she has no value other for me to pump and dump.* *You are a pathetic man who I can dominate and take your wife.
> *
> As for this man hating feminist stuff.....nothing could be further from reality. Most of my friends are men, the rough outdoorsy hunting and fishing types.
> 
> *And you and your husband have defined boundaries for these relationships? Or is that any of his business?*
> 
> I have few female friends as I can't relate to most women. I find them shallow, needy, and annoying. I really do like men, I just don't understand *this* bit.
> 
> *Then you do not understand men at all. Seriously.* *It is primal. Not in a time perspective but in the fact that it is hard wired. Darwinian.* *But darwinianism covers variances. There are some men who get off on their wife beng hit on by other men. They enjoy the jealousy response as it excites them. The whole sperm competition thing.*
> 
> I asked DH about this once, and he said that he felt disrespected when someone spoke crudely to me.
> 
> *As he should. Both of you were being disrespected.*
> 
> I told him he was being an idiot and to get over himself.
> 
> *You critisized hom for caring about you and for feeling you guys were a couple. No small thing.*
> 
> *No matter reality it also sends a message that you will not consider him in your interactions including with other men.*
> 
> What that person said to me had nothing at all to do with him and he needed to stop projecting. But we still disagree on this issue.


----------



## Latigo

Count me in the archaic crowd. As it has been discussed, a guy checking out my wife is cool, gawking and flirting...no. Also, in my case, my wife knows that I would find it disrespectful if a guy smiled at her and she smiled back! My wifes reaction, be it facial expression or body language, has plays a role in how I interpret another man checking her out. As it happens, she demands that I follow those same rules more or less. Does that make her antiquated as well? I have always said that there is room for a wide spectrum as far as boundaries goes. I see returing a smile or any acknowledgement as a boundary crossed. As such it would have to be dealt with accordingly.


----------



## northernlights

I rarely get checked out when I'm with my kids. I didn't notice this until I did my first grocery store run without kids (living in NYC), and I noticed a bunch of guys checking me out, smiling, saying hello. It was interesting. Small children = man repellent. 

Most of the guys I dated before H were very protective of me. So were my guy friends. Not over just a look, but if another guy touched me (in a non-sexual way of course, like touching my arm). I'm very small, so I've always wondered if that had something to do with it... that they feel like I'm more vulnerable and in need of protection. 

H isn't like this, interestingly. I guess he figures I can take care of myself, but I wish he were a little more protective.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake

Entropy3000 said:


> You do not see how this has disrepected your husband as well? I do think you need to handle this quickly. But I have seen where this just becomes a flirting exchange. I get that you want the power to decide on your own how far to let this go. But that discounts your husband again. I believe in double jeopardy. Meaning something like this deserves a response form both.



No, I don't see how it's disrespected him, anymore than it would disrespect a friend or relative I had with me. If the same scenario happened and you were with a casual woman friend, would you feel disrespected? No, right? Because the exchange had NOTHING to do with YOU. YOU weren't being discussed. But if it's your wife, then suddenly it's all "grrr I'm a MAN and you can't talk to MY woman like that?" WTF?? :scratchhead: How is this ok with any woman? I guess I can understand that some women are more timid and would want someone else to deal with the obnoxious person, but that is far outside my realm of experience. As for a smackdown turning flirtatious...hahhahahhahahahahaa.....I don't think so.....




> Scenario 4, any man who touches me without permission needs to move it or lose it.
> 
> So him just letting go is ok? No harm done? This should not bother your husband? You think it is ok for your hsband not to respond with something so blatant?
> 
> DH wouldn't have time to react. I'd be *all* over that.
> 
> It is not just about you when you are married. Indeed you should shut down all these guys. However sometimes that is not enough. These battles are not just your battles.


Oh no, just letting go isn't an option at that point. He's crossed the point of no return and the claws are coming out. :bringiton:
And of course my husband will be angry that an offence occurred, he'd be upset if I was upset. I would expect him to stand down and let me deal with it though, unless I asked him to do otherwise. Again, I am not a child. I don't need a hero or a guardian. No grown woman does. We ARE perfectly capable of taking care of ourselves. 




> You may could care less but any scenario where a man approaches another man's wife in his presence and hits on her or grabs her physically is sending a very definite message to the husband about his wife and about him.
> 
> The message is exceedingly more than if the man wiped his shoes on both the wife and husband or and perhaps urinated on him.
> 
> -- The woman you have dedicated your life to is such a slvt that I can walk up to her and she will disrespect you for me. Do not worry as when I am through with her I will toss her aside as she has no value other for me to pump and dump. You are a pathetic man who I can dominate and take your wife.



Huh? This is where I lose all comprehension. You may as well be talking about wild wolves for all the sense it makes in civilized society. Are you seriously trying to infer that men are on the look out to dominate one another via the possession of women? And you question why *I* keep making cave man references. 
IMO, the guy who grabs my a$$ in a bar has either had too much to drink, has mistaken me for someone else, or thought I was single and he was being funny. Nothing at all to do with a di*k measuring contest with DH. 



> And you and your husband have defined boundaries for these relationships? Or is that any of his business?


He's made his preferences known, but the final call will always be up to me. I accommodate his wishes whenever practical, but its not always doable. On my last fishing trip, I got a hotel room rather than crashing at my guy friends place(even though his wife was ok with it) because it made DH uneasy. I'd rather have crashed on the couch as it was cheaper and more convenient, but got the hotel for dh's sake.




> Then you do not understand men at all. Seriously. It is primal. Not in a time perspective but in the fact that it is hard wired. Darwinian. But darwinianism covers variances. There are some men who get off on their wife beng hit on by other men. They enjoy the jealousy response as it excites them. The whole sperm competition thing.


I don't understand SOME men. I don't think this phenomenon is as acceptable in our modern society as some of you TAM guys seem to think.



> I asked DH about this once, and he said that he felt disrespected when someone spoke crudely to me.
> 
> As he should. Both of you were being disrespected.
> 
> I told him he was being an idiot and to get over himself.
> 
> You critisized hom for caring about you and for feeling you guys were a couple. No small thing.
> 
> No matter reality it also sends a message that you will not consider him in your interactions including with other men.


Again *I* was being disrespected, the person was speaking to me, DH wasn't even there. I don't know how to put this any more clearly. DH said something along the lines of " no one should be talking to *his* wife that way* and I nearly lost it on him. Seriously? He expects people to treat me in a certain way because of who HE is? Oh HELL NO!! I sink or swim on my own merits TYVM. My interactions with other people have nothing to do with his status as my husband. He is irrelevant in day to day conversations with people. Just as I am irrelevant in his business dealings. I certainly don't expect people to treat him with any sort of reverence because he is MY husband. I don't think I have anything to do with how people talk to him, so why does he not feel the same? Its exasperating. I feel like I'm trying to explain philosophy to a monkey when we discuss this. 

I comport myself as a married woman in my dealings with other men. That's as far as DH need care, IMO.


----------



## I Notice The Details

There are some serious long responses on this thread!


----------



## Shadow_Nirvana

The limbic system doesn't care about the so-called "civility" of the modern world.


----------



## always_alone

Entropy3000 said:


> These battles are not just your battles.
> 
> You may could care less but any scenario where a man approaches another man's wife in his presence and hits on her or grabs her physically is sending a very definite message to the husband about his wife and about him.
> 
> The message is exceedingly more than if the man wiped his shoes on both the wife and husband or and perhaps urinated on him.


Heh. Once when I was traveling with an ex bf, we were approached by a man who tried to negotiate a trade with my bf: me for his sister! My bf's response? "I can't make that decision. You'll have to ask her what she wants to do." 

One of the more surreal experiences of my life. But The least he didn't ask for pictures.


----------



## gbrad

Latigo said:


> Count me in the archaic crowd. As it has been discussed, a guy checking out my wife is cool, gawking and flirting...no. *Also, in my case, my wife knows that I would find it disrespectful if a guy smiled at her and she smiled back! *My wifes reaction, be it facial expression or body language, has plays a role in how I interpret another man checking her out. As it happens, she demands that I follow those same rules more or less. Does that make her antiquated as well? I have always said that there is room for a wide spectrum as far as boundaries goes. *I see returing a smile or any acknowledgement as a boundary crossed. *As such it would have to be dealt with accordingly.


Smiling at other people is crossing boundaries. Smiling is just a nice gesture to anybody; male, female, young, old. A smile makes someone feel good and then they can pass that on to the next person they see. It is just good for society to pass on those positive vibes. We don't need to ignore other people out in public, just be courteous and make other people feel good by doing random acts of kindness. Whether that be a smile, or picking up something they dropped, or helping them out with directions (just a few examples).


----------



## Faithful Wife

There is a certain type of smile that is an indication of interest between two mutually attracted people. These are the smiles that are to be avoided when you are a married person (other than with your spouse). They are also the smiles that you think about all day when you are a single person. It is completely different than the common courtesy smile.

My spouse and I still smile at each other this way. Only now the smile means much more than "interest". It also means "I'm going to ravage you later".

Smiles can have a very wide array of "messages". Married people should be aware of the "messages" other people around them are sending.


----------



## Latigo

faithful wife said:


> there is a certain type of smile that is an indication of interest between two mutually attracted people. These are the smiles that are to be avoided when you are a married person (other than with your spouse). They are also the smiles that you think about all day when you are a single person. It is completely different than the common courtesy smile.
> 
> My spouse and i still smile at each other this way. Only now the smile means much more than "interest". It also means "i'm going to ravage you later".
> 
> Smiles can have a very wide array of "messages". Married people should be aware of the "messages" other people around them are sending.



This!


----------



## Cosmos

When a man makes it obvious that he's looking at another man's wife, it's as disrespectful to the other man as it is to his own wife (if he's with her).

People very rarely notice a glance (which is normal), but looking hard enough for others to notice is beyond a glance and is, IMO, disrespectful.


----------



## tacoma

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Likening certain women to the Holocaust isn't "apt" nor appropriate. It's derisive and insulting to multiple groups of people.


Yes SN, the correct term is "Legbeards" (all one word) I just learned this today.

Imagine my dismay at the realization that I have all this time mistaking "legbeards" for "Feminazis"..

My apologies


----------



## Pandakiss

To me.....I don't care if you stare till your eyes pop out. I don't care if you approach greezed up, dice blowin, dice throwin with a snap. You ain't gettin in. I will shut that sh!t down so fast. Then you are joke fodder for the rest of the day. 

If you went out wearing crocs, mom jeans, and a boxy sweater, you would get a lot more stares. 

Ego wise, I would rather be stared at cuz I'm cute, than a UGH stare. Just me.


----------



## JustSomeGuyWho

I take the 5th on this question.

Seriously, my wife is not going to get a lot of that kind of attention so it is hard to say. I'm not insecure about that sort of thing so if she was getting attention then I trust she will do the right thing. She has never given me a reason to doubt her. If we had trust issues then it might be a different story and I would be interested in how she responded to it. Guys look; it is up to her how she reacts to it. If she were to tell me someone was making her uncomfortable, you can bet I would let him know to back off. First would come my evil eye and my evil eye is pretty darn intimidating; next would be a "friendly" conversation with him.


----------



## Entropy3000

> And you and your husband have defined boundaries for these relationships? Or is that any of his business?


He's made his preferences known, but the final call will always be up to me. I accommodate his wishes whenever practical, but its not always doable. 

*This says it all. Gotcha.*

On my last fishing trip, I got a hotel room rather than crashing at my guy friends place(even though his wife was ok with it) because it made DH uneasy. I'd rather have crashed on the couch as it was cheaper and more convenient, but got the hotel for dh's sake.

*Excellent choice.*


----------



## gbrad

Faithful Wife said:


> There is a certain type of smile that is an indication of interest between two mutually attracted people. These are the smiles that are to be avoided when you are a married person (other than with your spouse). They are also the smiles that you think about all day when you are a single person. It is completely different than the common courtesy smile.
> 
> My spouse and I still smile at each other this way. Only now the smile means much more than "interest". It also means "I'm going to ravage you later".
> 
> Smiles can have a very wide array of "messages". Married people should be aware of the "messages" other people around them are sending.


Then I must be completely unaware of these different types of smiles. I mean, if there is other body language involved I can see that, but when just looking at someone and they smile, it's a smile.


----------



## Holland

gbrad said:


> Then I must be completely unaware of these different types of smiles. I mean, if there is other body language involved I can see that, but when just looking at someone and they smile, it's a smile.


Many people are anti flirting in a marriage and maybe a smile is seen as flirting.
Personally I don't have an issue with flirting, me or him, I actually enjoy it and get a buzz when I see him flirting with others. We have boundaries and some harmless flirting is well within those boundaries.
To not be allowed to smile or chat to another human just because they are the opposite gender would feel suffocating to me. But yes many people don't live the same way, that's cool for them.


----------



## Maneo

This is only a problem if you and your spouse are not on the same wavelength concerning looks by others.


----------



## olwhatsisname

there is a fine line between flirty,and some man on the hunt. men should always be on guard, and protective of their territory.


----------



## LadyOfTheLake

FrenchFry said:


> ^ i'm pretty sure this is the attitude Lady takes an issue with. Just for the record.


Yup.


I'm no man's land.


----------



## Entropy3000

I get being no mans land but does that infer you are available for other men?

I have given myself to my wife. This of course is something I can revoke so it is a partnership where we are NOT free agents. We are not in an open marriage. All marriages have a level of openess.
It is about love and respect.

I think the issue is that your husband and you are not on the same page. Why idd you marry him and not someone more open about marriage and external relationships?

Do you feel you have the right to engage sexually and/or emotionally with other men if you feel like it?

How far is ok to you? I am hearing as far as you like. he is not your dad. He does not own you. Your body is yours and you can use it anyway you want. is this accurate. If not please modify.

How far is ok to your husband or is this none of his business as well?


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## LadyOfTheLake

Entropy3000 said:


> I get being no mans land but does that infer you are available for other men?
> 
> I have given myself to my wife. This of course is something I can revoke so it is a partnership where we are NOT free agents. We are not in an open marriage. All marriages have a level of openess.
> It is about love and respect.
> 
> I think the issue is that your husband and you are not on the same page. Why idd you marry him and not someone more open about marriage and external relationships?
> 
> Do you feel you have the right to engage sexually and/or emotionally with other men if you feel like it?
> 
> How far is ok to you? I am hearing as far as you like. he is not your dad. He does not own you. Your body is yours and you can use it anyway you want. is this accurate. If not please modify.
> 
> How far is ok to your husband or is this none of his business as well?


You are very black and white, aren't you Entropy?
Just because I refuse to belong to any man, doesn't mean I'm available to every man. I do have a moral compass and I do love my husband very much. I'm uninterested in all other men, beyond casual platonic friendships based on shared interests in angling and the outdoors. My husband is my best friend, my partner and my lover. I chose to share my life with him, I didn't hand over control of it to him. He is not my guardian or guide, not my parent or protector. I don't need any of those. If I did, I wouldn't have gotten married and would have stayed at home with mum and dad. 

My body IS my own and *I* decide what to do with it. You are spot on with that. But when I made my marriage vows, I promised I would only ever share it with my husband. That is a choice I made and its one I will live by and uphold for the rest of my life. I've been married for 10 years and even though I don't let my husband keep my on a leash.....I haven't dropped my drawers for anyone else either. I know, I know....must be so hard for you to believe.....here is this woman, running about with men, in the woods, all alone, fights her own battles, tells her DH to stand down....AND she *hasn't* slept with every guy in town. Sorry to shatter your delusion there.....


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## Entropy3000

LadyOfTheLake said:


> You are very black and white, aren't you Entropy?
> 
> *No I am incredibly multidimentional. I am just trying to get you to come out and say it plainly.
> 
> Now my boundaries are black and white. This is how you deal with complexity and slippery slopes. My boundaries were not always black and white. My ego enabled me to think I woudl always make the best decision on my own. I learned the hard way.
> 
> I picked my login name accordingly. I understand entropy.
> *
> 
> Just because I refuse to belong to any man, doesn't mean I'm available to every man.
> 
> *You were not explicit. *
> 
> I do have a moral compass and I do love my husband very much. I'm uninterested in all other men, beyond casual platonic friendships based on shared interests in angling and the outdoors.
> 
> *Understood and that is your choice. But be aware this is where affairs are nurtured. The person in the affair is too close to the prverbial trees. It takes a partner to help see these things.*
> 
> My husband is my best friend, my partner and my lover. I chose to share my life with him, I didn't hand over control of it to him.
> 
> *Right. that is a level of intimacy and commitment many folks cannot hope to acheive. But you are very worried about the C word. You are holding back due to your fear. You do not trust him.*
> 
> He is not my guardian or guide, not my parent or protector.
> 
> *Understood. My wife and I are each others protector. That was our choice and you can choose not to be this way.*
> 
> I don't need any of those.
> 
> *But maybe your husband does.[ Why did you choose him?/B]
> 
> If I did, I wouldn't have gotten married and would have stayed at home with mum and dad.
> 
> A mum and dad relationship is different from a husband and wife which is different from being single. I am not my wife dad either. That is a special relationship but so is mine.
> 
> My body IS my own and *I* decide what to do with it. You are spot on with that. But when I made my marriage vows, I promised I would only ever share it with my husband.
> 
> Yes, but realize that intending not to cheat is all well and good. If you only have the person involved making the decision and their thinking becomes impaired by brain chemiclas as is natural their judgement suffers. Boundaries slide. But even if they do not this can be very hurtful to the spoue to be minimized. You have a right to proioritize your independence but is alos minimizes your husband.
> If he is ok with that then great. I get the sense that he is NOT ok with that. Life is about choices.
> 
> That is a choice I made and its one I will live by and uphold for the rest of my life. I've been married for 10 years and even though I don't let my husband keep my on a leash.....I haven't dropped my drawers for anyone else either.
> 
> Damage to a marriage occur s way before someone drops their drawers.
> 
> 
> I know, I know....must be so hard for you to believe.....here is this woman, running about with men, in the woods, all alone, fights her own battles, tells her DH to stand down....AND she *hasn't* slept with every guy in town. Sorry to shatter your delusion there.....
> 
> It is not about PIV sex. Inappropriateness / Unfaithfulness goes way beyond that. If you do anything contrary to your spouse this is by definition unfaithfu and hurtful. But this is not a priority for you. If your husband is unwilling to take a stand that speaks volumes.
> 
> I was looking for clarification as to why you did not undertand your husbands feelings.
> 
> BTW ten years is a nice accomplishment but be aware this is when things can really go awry. I found out this wekend that my brother in law and his wife are now separated after 36 years of marriage. I do not know which one of them strayed yet. It is likely no one lowered any knickers but we shall see.
> 
> 
> *


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## LadyOfTheLake

> Right. that is a level of intimacy and commitment many fols cannot hope to acheive. But you are very worried about the C word. You are holding back due to your fear. You do not trust him.


what is "fols"? Is that a short form for something? I'm not yet familiar with some of the terms here. As for the C word.....which one? Commitment? No, I'm very committed. Control? Of course. I don't think it is right for one human to be in control of another. I don't want to control him, I've told him this before, told him to make his own decisions. It has nothing to do with trust, but rather my fundamental belief that no man should control a woman and vice versa. 



> I don't need any of those.
> 
> *But maybe your husband does.[ Why did you choose him?]*


No, he doesn't need any of that from me. I wouldn't have married him if he did. I despise neediness in people. He is a strong man, with a good mix of "alpha" and "beta" characteristics. I can respect him, without him being annoyingly egotistic and is respectful enough to not want to walk all over me, or mark me as "territory".



> It is not about PIV sex. Inappropriateness / Unfaithfulness goes way beyond that. If you do anything contrary to your spouse this is by definition unfaithfu and hurtful. But this is not a priority for you. If your husband is unwilling to take a stand that speaks volumes.
> 
> I was looking for clarification as to why you did not undertand your husbands feelings.


I disagree with your take on unfaithfulness. Doing *anything* contrary to your spouse is unfaithful? Seriously? Well, we've both been terribly unfaithful to each other. Blatantly. Repeatedly. He cheated on me with that stupid car he bought that I said was a bad idea. And those tattoos? OMG, call a lawyer....I said I would prefer no more tats....he was unfaithful again!!! LOL!!! Face it, spouses are always going to go against each others wishes. No one is perfect and life would be boring if we were. For me, infidelity starts when the clothes come off. Problems start before the, yes, but the deal breaker is infidelity and I don't throw that term around lightly.


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## Entropy3000

LadyOfTheLake said:


> what is "fols"?
> 
> *Thanks for being my spell checker.* folks
> 
> Is that a short form for something? I'm not yet familiar with some of the terms here. As for the C word.....which one? Commitment? No, I'm very committed. Control? Of course. I don't think it is right for one human to be in control of another. I don't want to control him, I've told him this before, told him to make his own decisions. It has nothing to do with trust, but rather my fundamental belief that no man should control a woman and vice versa.
> 
> 
> 
> No, he doesn't need any of that from me. I wouldn't have married him if he did. I despise neediness in people. He is a strong man, with a good mix of "alpha" and "beta" characteristics. I can respect him, without him being annoyingly egotistic and is respectful enough to not want to walk all over me, or mark me as "territory".
> 
> 
> 
> I disagree with your take on unfaithfulness. Doing *anything* contrary to your spouse is unfaithful? Seriously? Well, we've both been terribly unfaithful to each other. Blatantly. Repeatedly. He cheated on me with that stupid car he bought that I said was a bad idea. And those tattoos? OMG, call a lawyer....I said I would prefer no more tats....he was unfaithful again!!!
> 
> LOL!!! Face it, spouses are always going to go against each others wishes. No one is perfect and life would be boring if we were. For me, infidelity starts when the clothes come off. Problems start before the, yes, but the deal breaker is infidelity and I don't throw that term around lightly.


Then good. You guys are golden. He really is ok with what you do. And you guys do things things against each others wishes. Ok cool.

I was actually getting concerned for him.


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## Caribbean Man

Frankly speaking,
I would not have married my wife if I didn't think that she needed and wanted me on a deep emotional level .
Everyday I too feel the need to be close to her emotionally.
She is the ONLY PERSON I can connect with on that level.
I think love involves a certain level of emotional vulnerability.
Two people give themselves * _willingly_ * to each other to explore their joys , sorrows , needs , wants ,sexuality , fantasies, vulnerabilities and idiosyncrasies......

There are things that only two people who are_ truly in love_ could understand...
My wife controls me , because I have other options in women I could explore , but_ I love her, I need her._There are things I would like to do , but she disapproves and* I RESPECT* her feelings.

I don't flirt in front of my wife because its DISRESPECTFUL.
My wife does not do either because of how she feels about it.
I would be polite with other women in front of her but never flirty.
Even if she didn't have a problem with it, I still would not have done it.
People have feelings, there are always vulnerable moments and I don't need other women's attention to validate my sexuality or other men flirting with my wife to give me a " buzz ."

I control my wife , because of the same reasons she controls me.
The issue of " neediness " and " control " never arises , because we give ourselves to each other ,
_Willingly_......


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## KJ5000

No problem if someone looks at my wife if I'm not around as long that's the extent of it. 

* I'm wondering why the OP feels the need to let her husband know men approach or stare at her when he's not even around. 

Do you want him to know guys still find you desirable? Seems like you're stirring up unnecessary drama by telling him how men are trying to Mac on you when he's not there. 

Just sayin.

- Even if I were on a casual date with a lady, I would not be looking at other women while I was with her, it's disrespectful. *Certainly* don't do it when I'm with my wife. Yes, we can all be attracted to other people but focus!


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## lovelygirl

Caribbean Man said:


> I don't flirt in front of my wife because its DISRESPECTFUL.
> 
> I would be polite with other women in front of her but never flirty.
> .


As much as I like your post, I'm not sure about these 2 sentences only.
Does it mean you flirt behind her back? Does it mean you're not yourself when with your wife? 
If yes then I think this is more disrespectful. 

Sorry if I got it wrong.


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## lordmayhem

olwhatsisname said:


> there is a fine line between flirty,and some man on the hunt. men should always be on guard, and protective of their territory.


:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

Damn straight!


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## LadyOfTheLake

> Originally Posted by olwhatsisname
> there is a fine line between flirty,and some man on the hunt. men should always be on guard, and protective of their territory.
> 
> 
> Damn straight!



headdesk facepalm


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## Caribbean Man

lovelygirl said:


> As much as I like your post, I'm not sure about these 2 sentences only.
> Does it mean you flirt behind her back? Does it mean you're not yourself when with your wife?
> If yes then I think this is more disrespectful.
> 
> Sorry if I got it wrong.


LG,
I am very friendly with women, but not heavy in sexual undertones.
I respect myself.
Some may consider this flirting.
But when my wife's around , she is the centre of my attention and I don't lavish any attention on any other woman beside her.

some of my female friends tease me and tell that I'm afraid of my wife because I don't pay them any attention when she's with me.
I tell them that when my wife is with me in public, she gets all my attention, and not them.
I have no problem giving genuine compliments to any woman,or hanging out with a group of women. But when my wife is with me she gets all my attention.


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## lovelygirl

Caribbean Man said:


> LG,
> I am very friendly with women, but not heavy in sexual undertones.
> I respect myself.
> Some may consider this flirting.
> But when my wife's around , she is the centre of my attention and I don't lavish any attention on any other woman beside her.
> 
> some of my female friends tease me and tell that I'm afraid of my wife because I don't pay them any attention when she's with me.
> I tell them that when my wife is with me in public, she gets all my attention, and not them.
> I have no problem giving genuine compliments to any woman,or hanging out with a group of women. But when my wife is with me she gets all my attention.


Oh okay then. I think I misunderstood it or you expressed it wrong.
Being friendly with women doesn't mean you're flirty. 



But yeah giving your whole attention to her when she's around is the best thing a man can do for his lady.:smthumbup:


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## AlphaHalf

> I asked DH about this once, and he said that he felt disrespected when someone spoke crudely to me. I told him he was being an idiot and to get over himself. What that person said to me had nothing at all to do with him and he needed to stop projecting. But we still disagree on this issue.



Quick question, If somebody disrespects your family member right in front of your face, you agree that its none of your business and should step aside. I'm not just talking Husband and wife but Son, Daughter, Father, Mother, Brother, whatever else. 

If a situation arises and another person disrespects you or puts you down in a manner that you have no control or comeback from and your husband stands by and does nothing, you would feel disappointed he didn't back you up.

IMHO. Your independent, you don't need a man to .....blah blah.. That's cool, we get that. But your Husband has NEED to protect his wife/family if he feels they're being disrespected. Let him have his moment to do his "Man" thing. Let him get his testosterone fix and "pound his chest" for a few minutes. Don't neuter the guy because you feel him defending you is making yourself an accessory. Your also projecting and minimizing his need as well.


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## LadyOfTheLake

lordmayhem said:


> :iagree: :iagree: :iagree:
> 
> Damn straight!





AlphaHalf said:


> Quick question, If somebody disrespects your family member right in front of your face, you agree that its none of your business and should step aside. I'm not just talking Husband and wife but Son, Daughter, Father, Mother, Brother, whatever else.
> 
> If a situation arises and another person disrespects you or puts you down in a manner that you have no control or comeback from and your husband stands by and does nothing, you would feel disappointed he didn't back you up.
> 
> IMHO. Your independent, you don't need a man to .....blah blah.. That's cool, we get that. But your Husband has NEED to protect his wife/family if he feels they're being disrespected. Let him have his moment to do his "Man" thing. Let him get his testosterone fix and "pound his chest" for a few minutes. Don't neuter the guy because you feel him defending you is making yourself an accessory. Your also projecting and minimizing his need as well.



I disagree. Of course 

DH has gone behind my back to "protect" me before and I can't even describe how furious I was. He didn't think I was able to handle a situation that I WAS perfectly capable of handling and he took it upon himself to intercede. It still gets my blood pressure up, even now, just thinking about it.


I don't believe he has a NEED to protect anyone. That is a pointless and useless vestigial response, perhaps. But certainly not a need.


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## Caribbean Man

lol,
The more I read TAM ,
The more I love my dear wife....

BABY, I LOVEEEEE YOU muah!


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## heartsbeating

I was relaying to Batman a moment that happened at work. A supplier complimented my new look of being blonde. Male colleague was there and started being goofy with blonde references such as "Are you having more fun?" and "Is it true? Do gentlemen prefer blondes?" I just laughed and said I didn't know. It was just silly convo. The supplier shook his head and said, "It's this city. What is wrong with the men here?"

I laughed and said "Well, I'm married anyway....my husband likes my new look." 

He said "Oh. I'm glad you said that... I was about to over step the line." And then it felt slightly awkward.

So I told hubs that I was a bit surprised because I think he was about to flirt with me. To which hubs replied, "It doesn't surprise me in the least. A beautiful woman like you? I have a feeling you're flirted with a lot and just don't know it." He leaned across and kissed me before dropping me off at work. And I strutted. The strut wasn't related to the idea of being flirted with, but for what my husband had said and the kiss that had followed.

Maybe this should go in the "game" thread.


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## ScarletBegonias

LadyOfTheLake said:


> As a spin off to the Looking At Women thread, what about when a man looks at your wife? As a woman, it doesn't bother me when my DH checks out another woman, 'cause I do it too. I check out both men and women. And I know men look at me. It drives DH crazy. I don't do anything to draw undue attention to myself, and am usually emitting my 'pi$$ off vibe', but still...they look. Sometimes they approach, but never when DH is near.
> 
> So if I mention to DH that a certain guy was looking at me, smiled or waved, winked or whatever, he gets mad. He goes all cave man and "point him out" "why didn't you show him to me" "I'd give him something to smile about". I don't get the disconnect. Why is it alright for HIM to look at other women, but not alright for other men to look at me?
> 
> So guys, what is the deal? Do you care if other men check out your wives or does it send you back to the cave man days?


I don't usually notice when a man is checking me out unless he's making a gesture or intentionally trying to get my attention.SO usually points out when a man is checking me out or staring.Sometimes he shows annoyance but most times he keeps a light humor about him,chuckling and shaking his head at the guy.


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## Omgitsjoe

My wife and I had her parents take care of our two little boys last night and we had a very rare date night  

Went to a lounge for drinks with my wife looking very , very HOT IMHO ............ I couldnt help but notice a lot of the men taking peeks and looking ( I guess a better term would be admiring ) at my wife. It felt very good to have her in my arms and to know she would be coming home with me


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## Hailey2009

Sometime my husband will nudge me or lean in and whisper in my ear that some guy just checked me out and almost invariably I blush -- and I'm not sure whether he does it just to see me blush or not. But it definitely envokes something physical in me.


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