# Her confusion/crisis of faith...



## RandomDude

Despite the current issues we're having, I'm starting to think that there is a possibility that it began before marriage during one of our toughest times.

When I first met my wife she was very different compared to today. She also had a passion, and was very much "on fire" for God. Even though I'm not Christian I'd come to appreciate what her religion has done for her during that time, as for a woman with a past like hers, it was incredible how she became a better person despite it.

She still had some hints of a manipulative spirit however, she finally admitted that our relationship as "best friends" was tough because there was already a strong mutual attraction even if I was still with my ex. But she kept her honor and didn't get directly physically involved with me until I broke it off with my ex. She was never a strict Christian, hence was open to intimacy before marriage - but her faith was still there and strong, even if her interpretation was different.

But when she started bible college we began fighting a lot, I should have supported her and dealt with the changes more maturely but I was young and hotheaded. In the end I got fed up, managed to get drunk and cheated on her. We broke up for some time after that.

When we got back together the issues were still there, yet the lust took over and we gave in to a casual relationship as we were very much sexually compatible, which brought the feelings back in force, and we fell in love again... and then she got pregnant... and now we're married. I sense a lot of confusion nowadays when it comes to her faith.

Since I cheated on her, she seems to have lost a lot of her past strength that came from her faith. Not only that, but during the first years of our marriage she's began to become rather manipulative and from time to time even twists her faith to suit her whenever she feels like it.

My question is... is all this my fault? My wife denies that she's still affected over what I did. But I'm starting to think even if she's over it, she's changed because of it. What you think?


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## Jellybeans

It makes sense. She may have lost her faith in her faith as well as in you after you cheated. Cheating seriously f-cks people up in the head. The relationship's dynamic is never the same again. This is a great topic to bring up at counselling along with both of your past. Don't hold anything back. Be honest with eachother and with the therapist without the fear of being judged. Break the walls down.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## that_girl

> Since I cheated on her, she seems to have lost a lot of her past strength that came from her faith.


Cheating has a HUGE impact on the person being cheated on. I would lose faith in everything too.


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## RandomDude

Hmmm, yeah guess this is something that can't be hidden from our psychoshrink. Thanks for confirming my thoughts.


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## Jellybeans

You both need to deal with her escort past, your "street kid" past, and be open and honest about how you feel about her wanting to do it every 5 minutes, eventhough you're hurting, and bring up the cheating you did. This subject absolutely needs to be brought up along w/ the others.

SAY EVERYTHING YOU FEEL!


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## RandomDude

I have an issue at the moment, it's in regards to this quote by another thread. I've heard of this so many times but disagree with it, still, it's part of my wife's faith...



> Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.


My wife was never a submissive type, and she's always quick to quote the second part about loving the wives. And she insists that her God and principles comes first, before her husband too lol! With my influence however over the years I seem to have confused her somewhat in this.

In my culture men still bear the responsibility of the family, but women are considered wiser and men who refuse the advice of their wives are considered immature and unmanly. Over time, my wife has used this aspect against me, but I quite enjoy it actually when she puts up a good fight (even if I get frustrated from time to time when it drags on). Divorce in my culture also does not carry the same taboo it does in Christian societies.

However, I've noticed my influence has dampened her faith somewhat, I don't want that. Or is this all normal? We are as the bible says "becoming one flesh", our beliefs have inter-twined over the years and maybe it's not our future to remain apart? I don't know...


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## metta

RandomDude said:


> However, I've noticed my influence has dampened her faith somewhat, I don't want that. Or is this all normal? We are as the bible says "becoming one flesh", our beliefs have inter-twined over the years and maybe it's not our future to remain apart? I don't know...


Hi RD!

In a relationship, each partner influences the other, often subconsciously. If you try to "steer" that influence, it is likely that you will get results you don't expect.
My advice: just be yourself, be kind, patient and honest. Your wife's religion is her problem, don't take it on your shoulders. 

Or maybe guilt is haunting you without you realising it?

I have a saying that springs to my mind, it goes something like: "two trees can't grow healthily if they are too close of each others."

Kind regards


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## cb45

that "saying" doesnt look/sound right.

u sure u did it correctly?


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## metta

Hi cb45,



cb45 said:


> that "saying" doesnt look/sound right.
> 
> u sure u did it correctly?


It is correct.

If you plant 2 baby trees inches apart, they will have difficulties to grow up to big, healthy trees.
But if you plant them a few feet apart, they will grow nicely.

Best regards


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## RandomDude

Well, it's complicated, because I've actively encouraged her against that principle, whenever she plays the "good" girl, I drag the "bad" girl outta her. I like her naughty and fiesty it seems, but that's just me. Even the sex took a while from when we first started getting together, but darn she was like a hellfire (still is) when one thing led to the next.

I know it's her religion but I don't really like her confused like this. Still, we have grown, and since the last dilemma things have been good. Perhaps I should also stop looking at the past and trying to get things back the way they were because that will never happen, we're moving forward and that's the important thing right? Even if we've changed so much...


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