# Husband won’t get a second job



## Munch320 (Jun 27, 2018)

Husband is a realtor, is great at his job and loves what he does. However, there have been a few ‘dry spells’ where he can’t get any clients or listings, sometimes for several weeks at a time. Money is already tight and I have to end up picking up extra shifts (I’m a nurse).

I have asked him to pick up a second job a couple of times, but he always is reclutant to do so because he thinks it will ‘interfere with his real estate job’ (even though he seems to have a lot of free time during the day).

So I have grown very resentful that I’m stuck working extra 12 hour shifts and he’s lounging around at home and answering work calls when needed. Only when our bank account dips dangerously low, does he suggest, ‘hmm, maybe I should Uber to make some extra cash’.

He used to be a bar tender prior and made pretty good money. But he says he doesn’t want to ‘bar tend at night and then be sleepy during the day for potential clients’. 

I’m very frustrated and resentful of him as I watch our bank account drop further and further. Any advice?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

That's the life of a realtor.

When there is an uneven income stream, couples need to create a budget wherein monies are set aside for those lean times. You say money is already tight then that means you are living beyond your means if unable to support your bills and goals. Living paycheck to paycheck isn't much of a goal.

You can't keep pulling extra shifts for the rest of your life. Your husband needs to carry his weight so if he needs to get a second job or change careers then he needs to get to it. He doesn't get a free ride at your expense.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Munch320 said:


> Husband is a realtor, is great at his job and loves what he does. However, there have been a few ‘dry spells’ where he can’t get any clients or listings, sometimes for several weeks at a time. Money is already tight and I have to end up picking up extra shifts (I’m a nurse).
> 
> I have asked him to pick up a second job a couple of times, but he always is reclutant to do so because he thinks it will ‘interfere with his real estate job’ (even though he seems to have a lot of free time during the day).
> 
> ...


Your husband doesn’t have a career,he is a part time realtor. I know a few people who do this and ALL of them work at something else. 
If he doesn’t want to get another job then why hasn’t he spent all this free time studying for a career he can enjoy AND make a living at. 
You need to explain to him that you are starting to resent him and/or losing respect for him. What he decides to do then will show you how much he is invested in your marriage. 
By the way his excuse that he will be sleepy during the day if he works a night shift in a bar is bs. He has to show people around properties not run a ten mile race.


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## Middle of Everything (Feb 19, 2012)

I dont know if he's that "great at his job" if can go several weeks between listings. Sounds like he either doesnt network enough to get new clients, you dont live in an area with enough real estate transactions to support many realtors , or just isnt that damn good at it.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

I know a realtor who also owns a restaurant. No reason your H could not get secondary income.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

My girlfriend is a realtor who is also a paralegal in the evening and nights for a huge law firm.

She.also sells insurance and is a mortage broker. Girl has more jobs than hours in the day. 

Your husband i am sure can find something else to do.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I know quite a few realtors. My realtor networks a lot. and he makes a serious effort to stay in contact with his clients. Being established helps one of my realtor friends. She grew up in the business and inherited the good reputation of the existing firm. I know another realtor that I don't know how he gets a listing. There isn't a person in town he hasn't ripped off at some point. His bad reputation has hurt his business. I would think that a good Bartender would make a good realtor. Being friendly and empathetic seems to be a common characteristic of realtors. The only other thing a realtor needs is attention to detail.


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## Trinity84 (Jun 27, 2018)

I understand. My husband has a conventional non commissioned based job, but because I happen to make more money than him he thinks I am supposed to pay the bills and he can just give me whatever he has left over. We don't share bank accounts because he is completely financially irresponsible, but it is obvious that he wanted a parent more than he wanted a wife and he definitely doesnt want to be anyone's partner. The resentment is quite real and is even effecting our love life. My husband knows how I feel.. have you talked to your husband?


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

*Re: Husband won’t get a second job*

This is why the spouse that is a realtor can never be the main income in the family. It's like being an actor. You might get work, you might not. I agree on some type of second gig. Maybe add property management to his realtor repertoire. Small 2, 4, or 8 unit rentals. Usually people in that business own a dozen or more buildings and they need assistance managing the properties. It's not a full time gig but I've known several realtors in my life that also do property management.

Also, has he considered driving for Lyft and Uber? If he does airport pickups for either he could have brochures and his card in the car. It might be a way to pick up business from people moving to the area.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

*Re: Husband won’t get a second job*

Most of the realtors I know have a _first_ job, with being a realtor as their second job. The others own long-established multi-agent real estate firms that also handle property management, flips, and/or appraisals. It's pretty rare, unless you're in a very large and very hot market area, for a realtor to make a steady income that will support a family from their real estate listings alone.


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## StarFires (Feb 27, 2018)

As long as you accept his sorry excuses, he will keep giving you sorry excuses. It's up to you to put an end to this. I'll tell you also that he's enjoying the easy life. Who wouldn't enjoy taking advantage when there's someone to take advantage of? He gets to sit around all day on your dime and milking it for all its worth because you accept his lame excuses. And honestly, each time I've known about a guy like that, including on this board, his reason for trying so hard to keep his leisure time is because he has plently to do with his leisure that wifey knows nothing about. I suggest you take a normal working day off, hang around the corner, and see who comes to your door within 2 hours after you leave, or see how soon he leaves the house and follow him. In the meanwhile, check your computer history and his phone. Install a keylogger so he can't erase the history. Hubby is up to something that you are footing the bills for.

My daughter signed up on just one online listing site and received calls from people all over the country looking to buy a house in her area. She lived in Texas and got a call from a guy living in the New England area looking to move and purchase 2 houses in Texas. He ended up only buying one house, but it was a REALLY good sale. Your husband isn't doing anything, he's not trying hard enough. He is enjoying living off you because you let him live off you.

Uber and Lyft sound convenient but are hardly worth the money after the very first ride bonus. I tried Lyft for a short while but didn't find the money worth my time and gas. People call just to be taken 4 or 5 blocks, hardly worth it. Even longer distances were inconsistent because it depends on the time of day. A $20 trip at one time of day may only be $12 at a nother time of day.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

I'm curious--at the end of the year, what is the breakdown in your respective incomes? Are you making 80% of the family income to his 20%? Or is it closer to 50/50?


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

*Re: Husband won’t get a second job*

My wife is two years into a career in real estate. I worked two jobs last winter to make sure our lifestyle didn't take to big of a hit, 80-90 hours a week got old quick but I didn't mind at all, and I did not want her getting a second job, missed showings because she had to work is a good way to be a part time realtor for the rest of your life. She's a rising star in her company and the owner/broker just loves her. Now in the summer I'm down to just 50 hours a week and she's putting in the long hours. Her phone rings non-stop. In this area my wife pays for certain areas through the MLS and Zillow. If someone inquires through those sites it's her phone that rings first. Expensive but it's paying off now. How does he get his clients and how long has he been doing real estate? 

Sent from my Moto Z (2) using Tapatalk


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

*Re: Husband won’t get a second job*



Middle of Everything said:


> I dont know if he's that "great at his job" if can go several weeks between listings. Sounds like he either doesnt network enough to get new clients, you dont live in an area with enough real estate transactions to support many realtors , or just isnt that damn good at it.


I grew up in real estate and worked in real estate myself and agree with the above, but add that maybe he hasn't been at it long enough.

Real estate agents can make a ton of money if they are good. If they aren't - they don't. If he's been at this for more than two years he should find something he's actually good at. By two years if he's not doing really well he never will.

If he is working only part time at real estate, he needs to work harder. I've known a lot of agents who think they can sit back and let the work come to them, but the good agents are hard working. If he's serious about this, he would be picking up open houses on the weekends to get customers and working the front desk whenever possible. If he isn't willing to do those things, he will never make it as an agent.


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## Justin J (Oct 1, 2017)

My way ge is a realtor. She still has her full time job. She keeps telling me it’s time to quit and go full time real estate. It is a hard decision but I keep reminding her that she has yet to make any real money. 2 transactions last year and about to close on her first this year. I have spent more on her schooling and advertising and supplies than she has made. Lol. You need to sit down and have a talk, or present an ultimatum about a lifestyle change. Cheaper house, getting g rid of stuff. That normally helps my wife to remember


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## Randy Lafever (Jul 8, 2018)

*Re: Husband won’t get a second job*



StarFires said:


> And honestly, each time I've known about a guy like that, including on this board, his reason for trying so hard to keep his leisure time is because he has plently to do with his leisure that wifey knows nothing about. I suggest you take a normal working day off, hang around the corner, and see who comes to your door within 2 hours after you leave, or see how soon he leaves the house and follow him. In the meanwhile, check your computer history and his phone. Install a keylogger so he can't erase the history. Hubby is up to something that you are footing the bills for.


There is no reason for you to plant this sort of seed in the poor woman's head on top of what she is dealing with. Completely irresponsible and you should be ashamed.


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