# Do I go to wedding/shower or not??



## Kandinsky (Jun 22, 2010)

:scratchhead:I have an ex- client ( she was my client for about 6 months up until 3 months ago-I changed jobs at that point)
She invited me to her wedding about 6 months ago and at the time I replied yes. 
Since I changed jobs we have barely spoken or emailed at all.
It is her and her fiances 3rd wedding each, they are quite well off financially.
I now have both financial and time conflicts!
1. I am presently unemployed and a single parent
2. I have to be in another city 4hrs away the night before their afternoon wedding. (not possible to change- its a family ceremony)
3. I have my son's grad this week same eve as the bridal shower

Do I try to still go to both the shower and the wedding, to one, or to neither?
What do i spend on gifts? They are registered and the listed gifts have a range from $30-400.
My income presently barely covers rent and our food and utilities.:scratchhead:


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## Susan2010 (Apr 19, 2010)

It sounds like you don't want to go, so just don't go. If you can't afford a give, don't buy one. You don't need excuses or justification either. But I'm confused about some things. You say she invited you 6 months ago. That might have been a verbal invite because the written invitation didn't arrive to you that early. So when you received the invitation (assuming you did), why didn't you return the self-addressed response card stating your regrets? I don't know what etiquette dictates at this late date, but I suppose it would still be nice if you let her know you won't be attending. If the invite included dinner, she might like to know there will be an extra plate available since it's too late to change her head count with the caterer. You can call her, send an email, or perhaps she offered other ways to respond, such as a website.

If you did not receive a written invitation, then you're not officially invited and wouldn't, therefore, have to feel any obligation.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just send her a card, and express regret that you can't make it, but you are happy for her.


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## sailorgirl (Jun 9, 2010)

turnera said:


> Just send her a card, and express regret that you can't make it, but you are happy for her.


:iagree: I think this is the best idea. You don't sound like you want to go or even that you feel like you can afford to go. So don't beat yourself up over it.


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## GoDucks (May 19, 2010)

Heck, it would have to be one of my closest friends to go 4 hours to a shower OR wedding. What a huge hassle, not even including another event that day, money stuff, etc. 

She's going to be really busy that day, anyway... not like you will be catching up, y'know. Another vote for send a nice card, but make sure she knows your intention not to go a week early... If they are paying a caterer, you don't want her to buy your meal when you know you aren't going.


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