# It will get better!



## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

I posted in two other forums and asked for help regarding my really unusual relationship. Long story short, me and my soon to be ex-wife dated for six years before getting married. Due to career reasons we had to live on two sides of the planet for a year after getting married. We both understood that this is the sacrifice we need to make to have a better future (or so I thought). I asked her several times to come and live with me and find some suitable opportunities but she declined. We met after a year and she seemed disinterested in me. Starting a few months before that, our communication started to fall apart. She would spend long hours with her friends (or rather a `friend') and would not even come for video chat on weekends. I literally begged her to open a line of communication with me but she didn't.

A couple of months after our last meeting she asks me for divorce telling me that she doesn't love me anymore. I start blaming myself, change myself for the better lose 20lbs in 2 weeks, start the transformation towards being a better human being. But she would have nothing of that.

Two days ago I discovered that when she was with me, she was still talking to a male colleague for more than two hours a day while I was at work or going to bring things she wanted me to. So when I was running around, doing things for her, she was having romantic conversations with another person and cheating on me.

I have always been by her side. I sacrificed my career, my family, my life for her. She is of high risk to experience breast cancer (already two surgeries). I never left her side and had always been there. The only problem for her was my temper. I used to lose my temper if she refused to talk to me as I felt frustrated that our line of communication was breaking down, or if she misbehaved with me. She used to be rude to me all the time, but I never left her.

So I confront her about this other person and she admits of having EA. She had EA twice before and I forgave her and took her back. But this time she doesn't want to come back. So I am going to make the last sacrifice for her and letting her go. I never forced her to do anything and always let her make her own decisions. But this other guy got involved with a married woman, instigated her against me (I suspect some part of her family too due to their own monetary interests), and is now forcing her to get a divorce as soon as possible. The irony is, she cannot even realize what is good for her in the long run and the tinted glass has made her blind. She told me that she didn't tell me about the OM while asking for divorce because she feared I wouldn't grant her wishes if I knew about her affair.

I hold no grudges against them. I would like to thank the other guy for saving my life. I have got myself back and I have realized that a relationship means give and take and one side giving all the time only weakens a relationship. I forgave my soon to be ex wife three times including this one and if she could show some commitment towards our relationship of 7 years then I was willing to take her back. But she wants to throw this relationship for a six month old fling. I wish them all the happiness of this world and beyond.

I am doing well and really amazed how resilient a person can become in the face of adversities. She was literally my life for the last seven years and that was a very bad decision. Life demands balance and I didn't respect that. I got the punishment I deserve but it turned out to be OK.

So if you are sad, lonely, scared, and desperate, dont't be. Realize what part you played and never make those mistakes again. Commend yourself for being able to love so much that it hurts. Cry and then start laughing. Listen to 'What a wonderful world' or 'Raindrops keep falling on my head', go for a walk, reconnect with friends and family (they love you! really!), exercise, and stop having expectations. Don't be under any illusion to get your ex back. Be thankful for what you had and also for what you didn't get. You are doing a lot better than a lot of people. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Love the whole world. Why waste the capability to love just on one person?

So get out of your world of pain and sorrow and enjoy the sights, sounds, and colors of life. Life is too short to let moments pass by thinking of the past. Be positive, have faith, be good, and do good.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

life101 said:


> *So I confront her about this other person and she admits of having EA. She had EA twice before and I forgave her and took her back. But this time she doesn't want to come back.* So I am going to make the last sacrifice for her and letting her go. I never forced her to do anything and always let her make her own decisions.


Well we heard one side of the story this morning.

Now we have this " other" side. There are two or sometimes more sides to a story, and many different vantage points.

The bottom line is, *if *what is written here is true and factual,
then everything is not totally above board.

It seems to me that both parties have let go.
Neither one seems willing to reconcile.
The question now is _why_.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Well we heard one side of the story this morning.
> 
> Now we have this " other" side. There are two or sometimes more sides to a story, and many different vantage points.
> 
> ...


Oh no, my STBXW is not on this forum. I compared the other poster from that thread to my STBXW because to me their modus operandi seemed to be the same. The other poster and my STBXW both seemed to stay with their BSs for monetary reasons and as soon as they got a hint of greener pastures they were ready to leave.

But I agree with you, there are always three sides of a story: her side, my side, and the truth. I hope one day my STBXW comes here and posts her version. I am yet to get it out of her why she did what she did.

And I would like to reconcile (I have already forgiven her, like twice before). But she shows no remorse and blames me for everything. I cannot do this over and over again. So I am letting her go lovingly. That's my last gift to her.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

life101 said:


> Oh no, my STBXW is not on this forum. I compared the other poster from that thread to my STBXW because to me their modus operandi seemed to be the same. The other poster and my STBXW both seemed to stay with their BSs for monetary reasons and as soon as they got a hint of greener pastures they were ready to leave.
> 
> But I agree with you, there are always three sides of a story: her side, my side, and the truth. I hope one day my STBXW comes here and posts her version. I am yet to get it out of her why she did what she did.
> 
> And I would like to reconcile (I have already forgiven her, like twice before). But she shows no remorse and blames me for everything. I cannot do this over and over again. So I am letting her go lovingly. That's my last gift to her.


Ok,
For a minute I was afraid......


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Caribbean Man said:


> Ok,
> For a minute I was afraid......


Also, I am not inclined to R right now because she didn't confess to me, I caught her. She didn't let me know of the A because she thought I would make the divorce messy. I, honestly, cannot live and trust a person again who could let another person (she claimed to love once, me) go through his entire life blaming himself, just to suit her own selfish needs.


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## OldWolf57 (Mar 20, 2012)

You wanted to know WHY.

Just read your own words.
She want what she picture a real man is like.

Your very words convict you man.

Plz read "No More Mr. Nice Guy."Women want strong men and your stance is weak dude.

She has no respect for you bc you rugswept the ea's.
No respect mean no love.

I't a good thing she is D/ing you. Otherwise she could play you for years.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

OldWolf57 said:


> You wanted to know WHY.
> 
> Just read your own words.
> She want what she picture a real man is like.
> ...


Yes, you are correct. I broke up with her after the first EA. She used to cry every night and used to tell me that she would spend the rest of her life alone if I leave her. Even her family members used to call me and tried to persuade me. I was weak. She never expressed any remorse. Now I realize that she didn't leave me till now just because she didn't get enough support from any of those APs. 

I was weak, I used to think that if I try more than my capacity to please her, she would love me. I was wrong. She just saw me as a provider and used me to get whatever she wanted in life. It was my fault that I was under fog for such a long time.

Thanks for pitching in.


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## Burned (Jul 13, 2013)

life101 said:


> I was weak, I used to think that if I try more than my capacity to please her, she would love me. I was wrong. She just saw me as a provider and used me to get whatever she wanted in life. It was my fault that I was under fog for such a long time.
> 
> Thanks for pitching in.


Took a while for that to sink in for me. Hopefully you will be stronger than I was.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

Burned said:


> Took a while for that to sink in for me. Hopefully you will be stronger than I was.


Funny, isn't it, how we all have to grow up someday and lose that innocence, no matter how hard we try not to?

It was hell, when it happened. But after going through it and filing for divorce, things do get better. Still a long way to go and a lot of undoing is needed, but at least I am no longer living in constant insecurity.

It is not worth it to settle for a proven cheater. The three strikes rule doesn't work in romantic relationships. It should always be 'one strike and you go your way and I go mine'.

Wish you all the best in your journey. Stay strong and never settle for less.


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## otisjpqu (Jul 23, 2013)

She want what she picture a real man is like.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

So how are you now?
Did she ever admit PA?
Have you dated?

I find the story after the drama the best stories.


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> So how are you now?
> Did she ever admit PA?
> Have you dated?
> 
> I find the story after the drama the best stories.


I am doing OK now, getting better with each passing day. I have started to take the control back slowly. For too long the reins were in other people's hands. I love this freedom so much that next year I might even start my own business. :smthumbup: This whole thing has the potential of turning into a big blessing in disguise! I have already started venturing into some additional career opportunities than what I have been doing for the last decade. 

She never admitted PA. But knowing her, I am now certain that it was PA. Also, I got that hint the last time I spoke to her father (about 7 months ago) that it was PA. 

I have not started dating yet. The divorce is not going to get finalized before next January. My damn conscience will not let me date before I am technically single again. I talk to a few women and it is all platonic from my side, though they give me all the hints and they are not so subtle  . But I am in no hurry to be honest. I am being very adventurous right now in the career front and don't want to get any drama on my personal front. But I will start dating once again when I am legally single.

Thanks for asking for the update. I will keep updating this thread.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Im hearing that from alot of peeps here and irl. They d after 10 to 15 years are back on the dating market and are like wtf. Who reprogrammed the women set to horny? Its a different world than year 2000.

So she was literally having affair right after wedding?


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## life101 (Nov 18, 2012)

weightlifter said:


> Im hearing that from alot of peeps here and irl. They d after 10 to 15 years are back on the dating market and are like wtf. Who reprogrammed the women set to horny? Its a different world than year 2000.
> 
> So she was literally having affair right after wedding?


Yep. She gave the marriage only three months. Started dating and actively seeking the OM after that. 

She can do anything for her career. I should have realized it long ago. But I was under illusion. She can sell her parents to have a semi-decent career. The thing is that she doesn't have the innate ability to progress too far on her own. It took a lot of sacrifice on my part to bring her where she is now, and in the process I burnt a lot of bridges. Now she thinks that she got everything she can get out of me. So she is with the OM now to climb the corporate ladder further. 

She doesn't have any friend. Not from childhood, school, college, or university. I should have gotten the hint long time ago.


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