# Not so scared anymore



## allaloneinbr (Sep 29, 2008)

This forum and reading others experiences has given me a real kick in the butt, I have already taken steps to let my H know that he is important to me and that I know that my anger issues are mine and mine alone. I will not blame him for it anymore, I know right now he is hesitant to believe me but I will prove it to him everyday. I also called a girl that is the wife of a friend of his and asked her if it would be ok if next time she goes out with her girlfriends that I come along and she was so sweet and nice and told me of course, so that is a real big step for me I asked to be a part of something instead of just waiting to be asked first. I feel that if I am not so alone all the time when the H needs his guy time I wont be so angry at him or so jelious that he is having fun and I am not. I cried a few times today but it wasn't so bad and I am going to be sad about us living apart if he still chooses that he needs that before we can work things out then I will accept it with out fighting him.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

***clap clap clap*** for taking the first step in taking charge of turning this around. I hope you have a night out with the girls soon & it becomes a regular thing for you. Just stay strong in your conviction to change. Even if you sense a setback (he doesn't respond positively one day, etc.) keep going because in the end you are really doing all of this for you, to become a stronger person. Being a better wife is just an added benefit of all of this


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## allaloneinbr (Sep 29, 2008)

Well that totally back fired on me he didnt listen to me at all he doesnt even want to try to listen. He is the one that wants the separation not me but he wans me to find a place. If he wants it then he should go not me right. I was totally calm I did not lose my cool but I am scared whatif I move out and then he ambushes me with I dont want you anymore...he tells me he only wants me he doesnt want anyone else just that we can not live together I just dont get it. Why should I be the one to leave? We both have kids that we brought into the marriage my son is 13 and his girl is 8 we only get her on the weekends but my son lives here permentally am I wrong am I being selfish I dont know anymore


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

allaloneinbr said:


> Why should I be the one to leave? We both have kids that we brought into the marriage my son is 13 and his girl is 8 we only get her on the weekends but my son lives here permentally am I wrong am I being selfish I dont know anymore


I dont think you are being selfish. He shouldn't be able to tell you to just leave because he wants a separation. I dont know that much about your situation, but just in general i'd have to say i agree with you. if he wants the separation then i think he should be the one to go. what's the situation like financially? do you both work? why does he think he has the right to tell you to go?


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## allaloneinbr (Sep 29, 2008)

I make a lot more than he does, he recently quit his job that he hated and was without work for a month. He started his new job today so that is good. I got mad at him because I thought he was hanging out way too much with his friends and sport bike buddies and kinda got in his face about not wasting time and to keep looking for the job he really wanted. No pressure when to get a job just not to waste the whole day. I would come home after work and there was a dirty house and more laundry I was getting over whelmed I started yelling and he really hates that and it just snowballed from there. He started staying out even later and later and did this for almost 4 days straight its just a big old mess we fight about the same problems we always fight about its a messy circle


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

Well, if its his idea for the separation, then i really think he needs to go. Just let him know that you understand your anger has pushed him away and if he needs the space then he can go. and leave it at that.

but i still think you really ought to work on anger management. cant really blame the guy for staying out all night when he's getting harassed at home. You dont have to be OK with him not working and sitting around the house, but there are much more productive ways of instilling motivation. but im sure you know that. right now i think you should focus on you and your anger. im sure its affecting your kids.


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## allaloneinbr (Sep 29, 2008)

I have not had an outburst of anger in over a week It feels good
I started talking my depression medication again too that has a lot to do with my emotional state when I get s o angry at him.
I have controlled my self and agreed to him finding a place if he needs space I am trying to be supportive of his feelings but I do miss him so I told him that too, I hope its not too soon to say things like that. I will just take it one day at a time.


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## Honey (Sep 2, 2008)

swedish said:


> ***clap clap clap*** for taking the first step in taking charge of turning this around. I hope you have a night out with the girls soon & it becomes a regular thing for you. Just stay strong in your conviction to change. Even if you sense a setback (he doesn't respond positively one day, etc.) keep going because in the end you are really doing all of this for you, to become a stronger person. Being a better wife is just an added benefit of all of this


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