# I'm missing my Husband so much!!



## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

Hes 800 miles working out of state because ther is no work in our state. We were supposed to all move there where he is as a family, but because of our credit we could not. We are newly reconsiled after double affairs, his now seem more damaging than my EA. Then because of the seperation/divorce we lost our house. We were unable to move any where so me nad our 3 kids all w/ special needs (autism) are living with my husband parents. All this to deal with is making this time him having to travel for work even more difficult.

Hubby and I had a fight tonihgt that ended so badly. Left me crying for hours after he finally tunred his phone off. We were texting back and forth. I had uncovered an email which exposed him making contact with a woman asking for a date, telling her how beautiful he thought she was. It was in Nov which was the time he was telling me he wanted to work on our marriage. At first I only said to him I didn't know you liked to play pool? We discussed it a little until he grew suspisious of my intentions. I said he invited a woman to play pool. 

Anyway the night ended so badly...with him being gone I hate ending conversations without warm loving feelings. Its so hard not to be able to hold eachother and say I'm sorry. he ended the conversation with that he didn't know if he would want to talk to me tomorrow or for along while. he said some very very hurtful things about being thnkful that he did not book a hotel for us in San Diego. He crushed me so much when he said that. Our anniversary is coming up pretty fast and its very very important to me because our seperation happened right after our anniversary last year. 

Now after some of the initial pain has stopped, I'm missing him so much. I missed him before, but now I'm missing him so much. I miss being held at night, he holds me every night all night long. I miss giving him a back rub or rubbing his feet, I do these daily before he left for out of stae work. 

I really miss having sex. I have not felt since he moved back into the family home that I have been able to be sexually full filled. I have a need for sex that is different than before reconsilation. I want to try different things nad really get to the point we are having sex 1-3 times per week. I have aneed to explore like no other time in my life!! For the first time in my life I really want to give BJs. I tried giving him one, but he said Oh no you don't need to do that. He later said that he doesn't like BJs. I do hope in time and when our situation with living improves that he will let me expeirement on him because I enjoy it nad I am curiuos. 

I'm just missing talking to my husband about fun good stuff, anything!! He did say some very hurtful things. When ever I said so you don't love me anymore or so you want a divorce, he said I didn't say that. 
So I'm hoping tomorrow he will miss me like I'm missing him now too and that we can talk. I'd like to talk on the phone, but with the way I'm living its not posible often. Our kids do not have bedrooms. Its just an open area where thier beds are.

I hope he will reconsider celebrating our anniversary. I so need to get away. It will be the first time I drive a very long distance by myself. Once I got over the initial fear of that far, I got kind of excited about just listening to music without kids for 10-12 hours in the car. Oue kids will stay with his parents even though my husband would like me to bring them cause he misses them too.


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## DayDream (May 25, 2011)

So he's a cheater and he's going to do it again and again. He sounds cruel and careless to me. You are probably better off without him, but I know that is easier said than done (from experience). Neither one of you sounds ready to settle down. Maybe you right now more than him, but you both have had affairs. What did you expect? That blew your trust in each other and basically opened up the door for either one of you to have more affairs. Maybe you don't think that outright...but you both do in the back of your minds. It's okay now, because the other one did it. 

I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. The only thing I can say is time will tell.


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## blueskies30 (Jan 27, 2010)

DayDream said:


> So he's a cheater and he's going to do it again and again. He sounds cruel and careless to me. You are probably better off without him, but I know that is easier said than done (from experience). Neither one of you sounds ready to settle down. Maybe you right now more than him, but you both have had affairs. What did you expect? That blew your trust in each other and basically opened up the door for either one of you to have more affairs. Maybe you don't think that outright...but you both do in the back of your minds. It's okay now, because the other one did it.
> 
> I'm sorry you're going through so much pain. The only thing I can say is time will tell.


Well I really hope he doesn't do it again and again. He has not strayed since he moved back into our home new years, but then got liad off 30 days later. 
We are hopefully going to try marriage counseling even though hes working out of state. We have facetime so I'm hoping our counselor will agree to that. 
I see my IC next Thursday and she is very familiar with the marraige counselor we are hoping to return too. We have seen this marraige counselor before, so hopefully she can help. Shes much better than the marrige counselor we were seeing who said she dealt with couples with infedility, but seems to advise rug sweeping and get over it mantility.


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