# Facebook ex-girlfriend



## lulahigley (Nov 22, 2009)

Hi! I recently found out that my husband has an ex-girlfriend on his facebook page and I read thier conversations and she said she still loves him, that he is the love of his life and that if he ever wanted to leave his wife, he could come back to her. I am so sick to my stomach as I write this. I don't know what to do. They have been writing to each other on his lunch break at work so this is sneaky. She asked for his cell phone so they could text, but he didn't give it to her. I have not confronted him about this because I know I won't be able to control myself. I have always trusted him but now... I don't know what to think. He doesn't talk about me a lot on his facebook page. I am insecure about myself, and a little jealous. The only good thing is that she is all way on the other side of the states, but he could potentially see her if he goes home to see family. He went home to see his family for a funeral and I stayed home, he would be out to sometime 11pm before he would call to say goodnight. Now I have things like this going through my mind. I don't know what to do or what to say or how to get my head straight. I am afraid of losing him, of driving him away. I am afraid that I am not the love of his life, that he wants more. He recently went to a concert, which I didn't go to because my mother was visiting, and later I saw pics that one of his friends took and there were two girls with thier arms around him. I am not okay with this, I wouldn't think that he would be okay with this. Where do I even begin? I think it would help to have someone be a mediator because we are both non confrontational and I don't think it will get solved in a healthy manner with just the two of us talking it out. Am I crazy? Am I paranoid? Is this really okay behavior? Thanks!


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

What did he say back to her when she was saying all of this to him? That would be a huge clue on the stability of your marriage.

If he is trying to hide this from you then he knows that it is not acceptable behavior on some level. 

Talk to him and get him to put himself into your shoes.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

This is not okay. 

Let him know that you know what is going on and ask that he stop all contact with this ex-girlfriend. To have her actively pursuing him, and him giving her the time of day is a betrayal of the commitment that he shares with you. 

I imagine you do feel betrayed and it's okay to get your feelings out on the table about that. As far as the concert goes, it may have just been some random girls, ask him and allow him to explain without blaming or accusing him. 

Let him know how you felt that he would be so "cozy" with these random girls even if he thought it was just innocent fun and let him know you are hoping to come to some understanding for BOTH of you about this topic.

If you feel you will "lose it", then take him somewhere in public and discuss this over coffee or dinner. Being in public might help you remain objective and calm while still being able to let him know how you feel and what you would like from him. 

Practice how you will address it by talking about how you feel and what you would like/need without sounding like you are attacking him or accusing him so you will be better equipped with healthy communication for this, but DO talk with him soon.


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