# Starting to Let Go



## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

It's tough for me to even comprehend it. But there is a certainty in my wife's decision to separate. She asked me today, "do you think you will still be friends with me?" That is a question that pretty much means something bad. That is a "it's over" statement masked in a question.

Just now I wrote out all the things she used to say about how much she loved us together, but I deleted it. I don't want to sound like a broken record. What I want is to get back on my game. Hopefully we are souls that can return to each other after this separation, but something as harsh and big as that... I do not have high hopes.

So I am 180ing and starting to let go. I am so scared, and I cannot show her. I just hope that whatever happens happens quickly.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Im sorry to hear that. That is a statement I also would not like to hear. I would tell her NO. Im sorry I cant be friends with someone that put me through a living hell that is not a friend to me in anyway but hey thats just me but never know what will happen. Definately do the 180. Letting go is hard but it can be done. Whats that quote if you love it let it go if it comes back its yours. But then I seen another quote if you love it let it go if it comes back it doesnt mean a D^mn thing it can walk away again. 

But keep your head up and work on you try not focus on her and its easier said than done. If you find yourself wanting to call or txt her call a friend or come on here.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

My stbxw asked the same question bout being friends....I told her no....she is seeing if you are in her pocket. If you say yes she has you and will continue with her plan...by saying no maybe that will make her think. Its a tough road you are starting down and there are a few of us on it with you....I am sorry you are here ....

Emotions have a tendency to alter your thinking ...so just try to think things through.... try not to call, text or anything...It will be hard....Maybe one of the hardest things you'll have had to do yet in your life....

I have been struggling with it all day today. I want to think of some stupid reason to send her a text or call her...I actually have some finance stuff I need to discuss with her but it doesn't matter until tuesday cause the banks are closed....so I am not contacting her. Its hard....... but each time I overcome the urge... the better the next time is...


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Yep dont call or txt for nothing. As far as finances FL I would have someone else contact her it just depends on what it is. I dont want to talk or see my wife period even though there is some obligations she has to meet in the divorce agreement if I have to see her I dont want it Ill just pay it and write it off as a loss. 

This **** sucks. Im suppose to work in the morning and Im still wide awake. Mind thinks about this stuff constantly and man it drives me mad lol.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

I know the urge to contact is strong. I wish I had that option (no contact). He comes over every day and sees our child. He still has all his stuff here.

If I had it my way I would break off all contact. He's gonna do what he's gonna do and there is really no reason to talk any longer.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Tell him that he can no longer come by when he wants and tell him he can stop by such and such and take him for how ever long and to have him back. How old is the child?


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Lost...

I hear you on the sleep thing...It will come brother.... just hang in there. Its hard to to turn off the brain sometimes...I unfortunately
am going to contact her tues...although it will just be by email...its house stuff so i cant avoid it really..

Broken....

Its hard to see him everyday I am sure....I just spent the entire summer with my wife knowing it was a show for her kids while they were here for the summer...we agreed to stay together for the summer for the kids and to see what how things went...

She moved out the 3rd week of Aug ( it seems so long ago ) while I was away for work, it was planned that way... to add insult I came home and she left all the pictures that had her and I in them on the wall....I guess she wanted me to take them down


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Exact same thing in my case FL. I took all the pictures down and made her pick them all up. She dont know I still have some hidden but I wanted her to think that Im done and dont never want to see her again but its not the reality because I love her more the she will ever know but I also know when I have to stop and I hit that point its been hell on me but I can only do what I will do. Not my divorce its hers she wanted to be with the OM so oh well hope it works out although I want it to fail so missarably quick I dont know. Sorry about the speelling my meds are kicking in.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Shame on them, seriously.. shame on them for tearing a family apart.

I read somewhere that the majority of people who divorce their 1st spouse regret it for the rest of their lives. I know at the time tey decide to leave, they think they are seeing green grass, peace and freedom.

I agree - it's HIS divorce not mine. I contibuted to 50% of the problems we endured but I was and am still 100% commited to working out our issues. He is not. He just wants O-U-T.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

no worries lost...get some rest brother. 
catch up to you tomorrow....We will be ok in the long run ...you and I 

P.S.

I too have a couple pictures stashed that I really liked she doesn't know about


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Broken,

That is one of the things I am happy about....I can look in the mirror and know I didn't leave and that I committed 100% to myself,to our marriage,our family and doing whatever it took to make it work. I went to counseling. I read, I asked her to talk to me and to work things out...

She still felt she had to go...

Do whatever you need to do for you to have that ....work on the issues without him ( if that makes sense ) try not to beat yourself up over things and show him its his loss for leaving...if he does leave at least you will know you did everything you could to fight for your family


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

She ended it just now.

She was right to do so.

The worst part about going through something like this is confronting who you are. Who I was to her was an ass hole. I may have some serious problems.


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## whatonearthnow (Aug 20, 2011)

have you tried IC, i have had one session and it's helping to keep me sane tbh.

jus over two weeks into this whole mess and sleep is evasive, nothing seems fun.

journalling, reading books and reading on here are keeping me going at the mo.

hang in there all - apparently things get better...


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

Well, no we haven't tried that. She said that she wanted to try counseling, but that she couldn't wait around for me to get better. I'm oppressive and controlling. I never knew. She said that I made fun of her choices, and treated her like a little child. She said that I don't like her friends, and that I'm mean to a lot of people.

I think she's right. And I think I have some serious issues going on here. I didn't sleep last night. I haven't eaten well in days. Am I a sociopath? I'm in counseling for myself right now. Hopefully that will help. Hopefully that will bring up what is truly wrong with me.

I don't know if I've really ever been happy. I thought I was, but if I was, why would I try to control everything? I'm so distraught. And it really sucks to hear that the reason why she was miserable was me. I love her so much. How could I have done this?


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

I'm so confused. I thought it was her problems, but it's my problems. I'm scared. I can't shut my mind off. I'm drowning.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Muppet in what ways were you controlling did she say? Remember these are also lines WS use just looking for a way out. It might not be nothing wrong with you at all. But definitely keep up with the IC and get to the core of any issues you have because it will pay off in the long run. Just keep your head up and we will get through it one day at a time.


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

Yes we will. We have to. (Oh, what does "WS" stand for?)

Looking back on it all, I see the things she means. I was a jealous ass and never liked her going out. I controlled our spending because I was always worried about money. Most of the time it was needlessly so. I never trusted her to make any good decisions for us. I nagged her about being clean. I made fun of - or scoffed at - things that she liked that I didn't. I pretty much tried to make her fit into my idea of what the marriage should be. And I didn't even realize it.

I know her. She wasn't looking for a way out. She snapped. I snapped her. I squashed her soul. How could I have done that to someone I supposedly love? Someone I wanted to spend my life with. I just don't understand myself right now. My head is on fire. My stomach hurts. My chest is closing in. My world is collapsing before it was even built.

I'm a fairly bad person, I think. And I need to get better. *Breathe* God, give me strength.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Hang in there man. WS stands for wayward spouse. Hrmm All of those things that you mentioned are things that could have been fixed! Did she mention trying Marriage counseling? I'm sorry but those are definitely issues but not worth leaving a marriage over it could have been fixed. You know what you have to work on so work on those things to make you better and she might not get to enjoy those changes but someone will. 

Dont take all the blame because its not all your fault she has to own some of it! I will be praying for you and I know what you mean I have not slept good in a couple months, appetite is gone , mind is running and feel a emptiness in my chest. 

It does get better bro it just takes time and it sucks but its what we have to face.


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## brokenbythis (Aug 21, 2011)

Well we all need to work on things so don't beat yourself up about it. It takes 2 people to mess up a marriage.

JUst hope she doesn't get her hands on the book "Too good to leave, too bad to stay".

Its basically a how-to-divorce-and-justify-it manual. Horrible book. Gives someone a whole bunch of reasons to leave, but none to stay. Does not advise to work on what is wrong, just to leave and feel really good about it.

My STBX got it last week, yesterday he informs me he wants a divorce. I had hope for a while he would work on our marriage, not anymore. He's gone.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Muppets...

Take a breath.....All of this is hitting at once and its easy to get lost....Its not all your fault...Maybe some of those things are true maybe not....Its a way for her to justify what she is doing. 

I know its harder doing than just saying...but don't beat yourself up. 

Lord Knows I was not the best I could be either...its actually quite hard for anyone to be that way all the time...Everyone has their moments. 

You will see that its not all just you....hang in there.

What you are feeling is normal. Just use this time to your advantage and make the changes you want to make for you....

No matter what happens... you will be better in doing so...If you try to just change your habits or thinking for her... she will see right through it and you will be back to this spot..


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

brokenbythis said:


> Well we all need to work on things so don't beat yourself up about it. It takes 2 people to mess up a marriage.
> 
> JUst hope she doesn't get her hands on the book "Too good to leave, too bad to stay".
> 
> ...



Broken,

My stbxw read part of that book....I don't know if that was what helped her leave or not....We had a bunch of books that we were going to read together but never did...unfortunately. I do know however she did get through most of that one...


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Muppet I have found that the worst time to take stock of myself is when things are going badly. I invariably become the worse person in the world, a monster with all worts and no redeeming qualities.

At such times it is best to suspend self-assessment and go directly to self support and self nurturing. You are in no position to evaluate your role in your present troubles so it is useless to try. It is impossible for you to be 100% responsible no matter what your faults. 

Therefore, to take on the full burden of this is unfair to you and to her. She has faults that she will need to address too. Don't be selfish and take all of the faults; let her have her share. She will need to deal with them.

You seem to have a great deal of isight into what may have been problems and that is good. It is the beginning of figuring out why and to becoming the person you want to be. 

Please get busy with anything that will take your mind off of ruminating. You will need help to deal with the problems so that you do not beat yourself up. 

Don't despair, some of the most heart wrenchingly painful times in my life have lead to growth spurts and greater personal love and life satisfaction. 

You have a lot to look forwards to after you get through this so just keep that at the front of your mind. Gods blessings.


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## Warrior44 (Aug 18, 2011)

Muppet,

I've been reading Dr. phil's book, Relationship Rescue and it hit me pretty hard.
The things, i did to cause my wife to leave and have an EA.
i know there is no escuse for an EA.
But, I do know why she went elsewhere, looking for it.
I'm 1/3 through the book, keeping my jpournal, working on things and alot of it is all me.

She is fence sitting. Let he fence sit for a while while i work on me.
Even as much, as I love her and want her back t5ogether. i don't want her back home, until i get me fixed and our relationship starts to heal.

I will give her time to heal and do the complete 180. NC or anything.
if she doesn't turn it around, then I have choice but to file.
but, I am doing plan B.

It's tough when you realize, the things, you've done. The little things that affect her.
Myself, I had no idea....none.


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## dhpoolman (Sep 4, 2011)

Hang in there bud! That's what were all here for. We are all here to help and were all going through the same thing, just at different stages. I just signed up on this forum an hour ago, because of similar issues. So I guess I'm the new guy now. Just think you are alot better off than you think. I read all of your posts and your are at least 5-6 days into it. I'll bet you wouldn't want to start all of the feelings over again, from 5-6 days ago. I'm drowning too. Head up!


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

You guys are really helpful. Thank you. I guess right now I do need to give myself a break.

Ugh. I've never cried so much in my life. I know it will get better. And I know that this will be a growing time for me. Hell, I even think that this will make me a better person.

And it will be a slow process towards believing that. Right now I feel so empty and broken that I can't believe the forest for the trees - even though I see it.

Love has a half-life. It never dies, but rather grows smaller by degrees of time. And the hurt that lost love causes has a half-life, as well. I'll get over it. I just need to let myself be okay with the way that I feel right now.

Thank you guys so much.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

I didn't know I could cry so much either....Its good to let it all out, I found..... There will be more I am sure

And yes you will become better and stronger from this and things will get better...You cant force it or rush it ....you just have to ride out the process...


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

It is definitely a growing period for you muppet. I have the same days sometimes Im fine then other times I finding myself missing her so much and that is the hardest times and today is one of those days as was part of yesterday. Just feel through your emotions and get through it one day at a time.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Lost ...

Hang in there....Today will pass. Its a process for sure....I miss her today too...Its not all enveloping yet but it definitely there..

Strength and courage.....


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## WomanScorned (May 8, 2011)

brokenbythis said:


> Shame on them, seriously.. shame on them for tearing a family apart.
> 
> I read somewhere that the majority of people who divorce their 1st spouse regret it for the rest of their lives. I know at the time tey decide to leave, they think they are seeing green grass, peace and freedom.
> 
> I agree - it's HIS divorce not mine. I contibuted to 50% of the problems we endured but I was and am still 100% commited to working out our issues. He is not. He just wants O-U-T.


:iagree: My situation too.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

forever learning said:


> Lost ...
> 
> Hang in there....Today will pass. Its a process for sure....I miss her today too...Its not all enveloping yet but it definitely there..
> 
> Strength and courage.....


Thanks I will be glad when this cloud lifts. It has definitely taken hold of me the last couple days, this stuff sucks and I find myself doing alot of wishful thinking even though I know its not going to happen but oh well.


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

I feel like I'm going to be doing great work on myself and she's not going to do anything to help herself. That scares me. I want her to be a better person, too. I want her to stop ignoring her problems and actually go confront them. I'm worried that when she turns inward for this one she'll just drift and do nothing. That makes me sad.

It was too sudden for it to be normal. Yeah, I messed up some pretty big things on the way. But I am willing to work on them with her. She is not willing to work on them together. "I don't know how long it will take, and I can't sit around and wait for the change to happen," she said. I'm starting to feel like she is more scared of the change than anything.

Then again, this is only the first week of turmoil. And while she is here, I MUST 180 this thing.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Right now you have got to worry about you and not worry about what she is going to do or if she is going to make the changes. Do the 180 and keep your head up.This has been a ruff day for me.........I just want to scream.


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

Lost,

I just had a talk with her and she says that her reasons for doing this were not taken lightly and that she is scared that she will regret her choice. But that she has to do it for herself because she's never been alone before. It's true. She hasn't. I'm going to watch some 30 Rock and just f-ing relax now. It's been a rough 72 hours.

Share your thoughts, Lost. When you keep your head up, you can look around and see that you're not alone.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Man that sucks I dont think I could talk to mine right now. So her reason is because she hasnt been alone before and she has to do this....pftt whatever. 

That sounds like a good plan for some reason I cant relax today just cant seem to get this stuff of my mind. The last 36 hours or so have been ruff for me dont know if its just because its the weekend and a holiday or what but man it sucks. These are the first holidays in a long time I have actually been alone and I dont like the feeling so far I can only imagine when Christmas etc gets here. I have so many thoughts going through my head right now I try and think of how she done me but then I think of the good times and that makes it harder I dont see how people just throw away a marriage.


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

It's hard for me to see, as well. I've been going through the cycle of blame this week, and really had a breakthrough today where I realized that I need to give myself a break. It's not all my fault that this has happened.

Yeah, I went a little crazy on the being controlling aspect of all this, but I feel like if she really loved me she would do something about it. She would try to work it out with me or something.

Funny enough, she said she's scared that she's going to regret this decision. It's been a tough 36 hours for me, too. I'm waiting to hear about a job that will take me away from this place for a while. I'll hear about it either tonight (which doesn't look too likely right now) or tomorrow. It's tough waiting for your future to come, when you've spent so long going after it head-on. And it sucks to have your heart in the middle of someone's mental struggle.

The holidays. Hmph. I don't really view "Labor Day" as a holiday. But I can't imagine what life will be like around Christmas. Away from everyone I love and also apart from her...


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I know what you mean. The thing is some of the issues you mention are nothing that could not have been fixed everything takes work! If she loved and cared she would have worked on the issues. 

With her saying stuff like that she is in limbo and you need to just let her be and face the full front of the reality of what it will be like without you. I hope you get that job that would be good. I agree about the future because mine sure seems uncertain at this point. It seems like there playing pinata with your heart. 

I was good late last night up until about mid day today then it hit me again we were always doing something on any holiday so I am kinda lost right now. Were gonna get through it though as bad as it is now we will make it.

The only thing with this is its making me build walls and Im not sure that anyone will be able to tear them down or if I will even let them get that close again.


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

I thought that for a while after a breakup I went through in the past. It was with someone I had been together with for 4.5 years. After the end of that I said that I felt numb, and that I didn't think that I could ever let anyone in. And then my stbxw came into the picture, and she melted the walls. You can't focus on the future like that. Don't tell yourself that you won't let people get close again. Because when it happens again (because it will) you'll just be freaked out that it's happening. The struggle is to accept the change and show yourself how to be a better person who deserves better people. Then, when someone finally gets close to you, you won't be freaked that it's happening, but content that you're choosing someone of better quality. I don't know how to say what I'm saying. I hope that sort of made sense.

I know that I've been happy in this relationship. I know that it wasn't a waste of time. I know that it's a growing experience for me. She does need to face reality without me. She needs to look at why she got married in the first place, and she needs to understand what place she has in this world.

I just hope that she doesn't regress and just find someone else to be this way with. I love her too much to see her stuck in repeat. But right now, I just have to focus on what's best for me. And right now that best thing I can do is relax for the phone interview tomorrow.

Lost, I feel your pain. And I also feel your strength. We are in this together, my friend. Keep your head up: That way you can see the people around you that care.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Thanks that does make sense. I guess right now at this point I just cant see it. Im still shocked at what the heck happened. I feel the same way you do I was happy and its like all of a sudden she comes and says all these things and I guess alot of it is because the OM but oh well. I dont see how people do people they supposebly love like that guess some people just cant be committed to someone. 

Likewise I see strength in your words and know that you will come out good. 

Thanks again for the kind words my friend it does help and we will get through it together for sure.


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## forever learning (Sep 28, 2010)

Hey Muppets,
My wife said the same thing to me about not being on her own before and that she has to go do it. I don't quite get it....


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

Yeah, I don't quite get it either. But I think it's a combo of a lot of things. I'm absurdly Alpha and domineering. Because of that, I can get weak and controlling. It's something I'm working on.

People who latch themselves onto controlling people are people who avoid working on themselves. They prefer to be told what to do, because it's easier. But the truth of the matter is that eventually they grow numb to the world and feel as though they have no personality, because everything they've ever said or done has been to appease someone else's image of them.

It's a theory, but I think there's some merit in it. It doesn't make me any less sad. And it doesn't make it any less frustrating or confusing. The worst part about it is that there is hope that it will work out. Makes it harder to do the 180. If there wasn't hope, I could move on quicker.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

I understand what you mean muppet. I try to hold out hope but it is not worth it to me no more to keep holding out for that its time for me to focus on me and get past this. Everyone has some controlling issues in them and I doubt you were that bad but when they have someone else involved and bending a ear their way they always see the grass as greener. I know I made some mistakes but guess what no relationship is perfect and it takes work but its not worth walking away from in most cases. It seems like nothing numbs the pain but hey we will grow and be better for someone one day.


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

I'm a fairly judgmental person. I judge most of her friends harshly. I judge most of my friends harshly. I judge her when she does things that are below her own intelligence. I just judge a lot. It's not a good thing to do. I cannot sit in judgement of the world and be an isolated old man.

But I keep coming back to how sudden this was. How can someone go from "I love you and can't imagine life any other way than with you," all the way to "I'm done" in a little over two weeks without some form of horrible abuse or depression involved. It just doesn't add up.

I'm trying SO HARD to not snoop. I'm trying SO HARD not to constantly text her. I haven't given in yet. But I want answers and none of the ones I've been getting are working for me. I can't be this bad. She equated me to one of her ex boyfriends who basically tore her self esteem down and sucked her dry of money and emotion. I do not do that. I want to provide for her. I want to be her rock. I was making efforts to become that out here.

I know the rule: Don't believe any of what she says and less than 50% of what you see. She's scared, confused and everything is negative to her. And I can't believe what she's telling me. I can't take it at face value. I just NEED to know why, and I can't get what I need from her. I go in for counseling tomorrow. Hopefully I get some semblance of progress from it.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Dont beat yourself up too much man I can tell you were not that bad no matter what she paints you. I can understand not wanting to snoop I am the same way its not worth it to me in the end game. I know enough to know whats going on. And you go that quick from loving to being done because there is someone else 9 chances out of 10. The reason I tell you this because I know people first hand that have heard these same lines. She is trying to stay upset at you also. 

I havent got a why either and right now Im not looking for it you can move past it without a answer because more than likely you will not get a straight one for a long time if ever. Keep working on you and going to counseling and it will all get better and work out with them or without them. 

We are going to make it. As you can tell I feel a little better thanks to you all. Keep your head up I know it sucks but hey life goes on we cant stop the clock.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Muppets, I don't know your entire story but just read this whole thread and can relate so much to how your marriage sounded - I had a lot of resentment for the issues that were OUT OF MY CONTROL, and was very passive-aggressive about how I dealt with that. Rest assured you are not a control freak, your marriage was just off the tracks and you wanted it back under some kind of direction.

I don't know if you suspect your W of having an affair or not, but when my W was so certain of her decision it also was incredible to see how she just whitewashed everything decent about our relationship, and just a couple weeks before was telling people how much she loved me?? like WTF?. When I found out about her affairs it all kinda clicked and I realized it really was "the fog" and it made her say and do heinous things - when she was caught she felt bed that I "had to find out that way" but never expressed a shred of regret about her actions or decision to leave me and would in no way agree that what she did was wrong. When I told her it was the most disrespectful and hurtful thing anyone had ever done to me and from the one I loved absolutely most, she simply turned those words back on me and said I was disrespecting her and hurting her by not fulfilling her needs. At that moment my entire universe kinda split in two - I instantly knew there was nothing I could say or do to reason or negotiate with her, but I also couldn't help but accept the blame, because I've always thought that the most important thing I do as a man is to accept responsibility for my actions, and before me was a woman who I've always trusted and believed telling me I damaged her to the core, so how else would I take it?

I too cried, and cried, and cried. It was basically to any and all the people I had any kind of interaction with. That lasted a good 2 and a half weeks before starting to taper off. I realized that the affair really wasn't the issue that was causing the pain, it was the crushing rejection and utter failure.

I've since learned a lot about myself, thanks mostly to the help I've gotten on this website, and realize how little us men understand about the female brain especially when they are in the midst of an affair. I also decided pretty early on that I am not going to be treated like that and so my head had no troubles letting go because as much as I still love her, and was still in love, there was hardly any benefit to trying to make it work, and only more pain. My heart has been a little harder to motivate, but I am once again feeling like my life is back under my control and that is just a basic need of a confident man so don't be ashamed about it or think it is wrong.


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

I've been looking up divorce things all night. I've been trying to find a good way to do this that isn't messy. It's messy. It's just so goddamn messy.

This is going to get ugly. I can just see it. She's still out. I don't even know if she's coming back tonight. It's making me sick to my stomach.

You guys are a big help. Thank you for sharing yourselves.


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## Houstondad (Jul 6, 2011)

I totally know how you're feeling. It's hard letting go of someone you always thought would be by your side, who would always love you, till death do us apart. My wife suddenly snapped a year ago. She went from someone who loved me and "can never imagine living without me" to someone who has cheated, lied, and ultimately moved out to start a new life. It's even more crushing because her affair finally died 3 months ago, but she still has no feelings for more, nor does she want to work on the marriage. But I am in the process of letting go. It's scary isn't it? But I think this is one of those moments in life where you have to take a giant leap. With no regrets. And to start a new life that will make you realize that your giant leap was the right decision.


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

Yeah. Letting go of it is hard for us because we're not the ones who wanted it to end. We're the ones who wanted so much to work on it all. We wanted to be there and help. And now, after she publicly said to all our friends and family that I'm the one for life, she's telling me that she doesn't want me.

She has yet to explain it to satisfaction. And I don't know if she ever will. And maybe I don't want her to, but mostly I do.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Man Houston dad and Muppet I feel both of your pain. This is something we didnt want and coming from someone who said for better or worse and we tried to do what was right and still wound up loosing something. But guess what were not the only ones that lost something they will realize it sooner or later also. I really hate that we are in this situation but it is where we find ourselves. The only thing we can do is talk with each other and get through this one day at a time.

Muppet I dont think we will ever get any real answers and letting go is difficult but something we must do.


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## Daosa (Sep 7, 2011)

Well guys, I'm pretty new here, and a recent victim of the woman deciding to end it and leave. Now first of all let me say that I still love her to death, and would probably fall for it if she did want to come back. I've been pretty devastated for a bit over this, until today. Today I decided that I am going to simply make the best of it. Instead of having to deal with the issues she brought along I can concentrate on me and just having a good time. I'm going to sell off everything I can, donate the rest, get on the bike and head south for the winter. I'll be visiting with friends and Brothers in Georgia, Florida, and Louisiana. Gonna make sure the visit in Louisiana is during Mardi Gras too! Then I'll head back this way and come through SoCal again on my way up the coast to Oregon and Washington in the spring. Then who knows?

Now, it's gonna be real hard leaving the kids, and I'm gonna miss them something fierce. But I really think that's better than me staying here, bitter and angry, and having that rub off on them. They don't need to see me like that. Instead, when they do see me I'll be smiling and living the life. The twins are only 6 and the older boy 10, but I sat them down today and talked about it with them. They said they would miss me but it's ok, I should have fun and be happy, not sad and mad. Pretty bright kids. 

I'm actually starting to feel a little sorry for the OM now. Now he gets to see what she is like all the time, not just when she's in party mode. He gets to deal with the mood swings. Like I said, I love her enough that I dealt with it and likely would again. But boy, if I didn't love her there is no way in hell I would put up with any of that. 

I guess the point of all this is think about what would really make you happy. Imagine if you'd never met her and could be doing anything you want, anywhere you want. Then make that happen. Once you make that decision you won't believe the relief that comes over you. Not saying I won't have any bad days, but right now I feel on top of the world, and it's been a while since I've felt good at all.


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

Well Daosa I am glad you are getting through this and it takes time. Yeah I dont think I could take off like that unfortunately, sometimes I wish I could but hey its ok she gets to see the smile on my face! Sometimes we just have to accept what life deals us and play the hand.


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## Daosa (Sep 7, 2011)

I just realized there are people out there that really do love me, not just saying it only to crap on me later. They have offered open doors to me, and I'm sure we will have plenty of fun every place I go. And when it stops being fun, I'll head to the next spot. Figure the best revenge is to live a life that she can only be jealous of. No more dealing with her head games, bad moods, and irresponsibility with money. Wait til the OM finds all that out, lol.


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## Daosa (Sep 7, 2011)

Guess I'm sorta doing the turbo edition 180 hehe


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## Lostouthere (Aug 24, 2011)

That is a good thing. I got friends in alot of places across the world and when the time comes Ill do alot of traveling!


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## muppetsinspace (Sep 1, 2011)

180 turbo, huh? I don't know if that was the intent of the rules, but I am certain I would be doing the same thing in your shoes, Daosa. In fact, I hope to be doing something like that soon.


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