# Depression/PTSD and My Marriage



## Hopeeternal (Oct 28, 2011)

Wow, so many things to say and so many places to post them. As many of you now know my marriage is on the edge of ending. Why? I can take a lot of the burden of this on my back (a lot less than I thought a week ago though!). When my wife and I met I had my job, my career was on track, all was well. We were happy. Then we decided to move to another state where I could do the same work but it would be a better education for the kids. Also, work was slowing in the area in which we lived and I was afraid of layoff.

THAT MOVE started a downward spiral in me that continues to this day. The job was terrible, the weather in the state awful, the schools not so good and the job required me to be gone from my wife for ten days at a time which we both hated. Then she got pregnant with our first child (the other two were from her PM but I raised them as my own). Having a child is stressful enough (especially for a new father) but in a place we hated? After our first child was born we decided to move to yet another state...my home state. I was defrauded by the company I worked for (all my retirement bennies went away) and it meant that the W and I were separated for six months while she sold the house and I started a new job (still in my career field). I knew it was HARD for her with a baby, two older kids and work to get the house sold...which added to my anxiety. But she did a great job and we rejoined in the new state. Immediately work was terrible...bad bosses, but we LOVED where we lived and made it work. Well...kind of. She could not find a good job so started working from home. Odd hours and never time off. I was still having to go away for town days at a time. I also started a PhD program at this time.

We did this for five years. Then, I got seriously hurt on the job. More stress and anxiety..."gee they tell me I will never be the same again." I worked HARD at recovery and my wife was very supportive. Soon she was pregnant with out second child. Not long after that the place I worked decided I was a liability and came up with a lame excuse to threaten firing me (they wanted me to quit but I refused). I got a settlement from Work Comp about the time our second child was born...very hard birth and we almost lost him. Since I was about to be fired and there was a business for sale in another state within my career field we decided to buy it.

HUGE mistake folks, and I mean HUGE...for me at least. My last nine years have been a series of ups and downs, anger and resentment building. The business was a huge success though and so it went on...at the cost of my relationship with my wife. We fought all the time as she became the focus of my anger. Harsh and unmeant things were said. It led to ugly things in our relationship that now threaten the marriage. I was a horrible person. Stress, stress, stress is all I could feel. Then we suffered a house fire that eventually had the entire family living at the place of business for a year. Then the business took a severe turn for the worst and like the marriage is now teetering on the edge of collapse. On top of this, our youngest has severe ADHD.

PTSD? Yep, I have it. My wife has it too but won't admit it. And we do not have the time to fix that problem while more problems roll in daily. I am disillusioned. I am shell shocked. I am frustrated. My marriage is likely over with...and so this all leads to depression. I am working through this as best I can and plan on seeing a professional ASAP. How do we get here? One step at a time I am afraid. How do I deal? One day at a time, one day at a time.


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## froggie (Oct 30, 2011)

I too am in a very similar situation with my husband. We were married 2 1/2 years ago and things were okay at the beginning. We could not afford a honeymoon so that was the first of the bad things to start. I also have depression, PTSD, BPD and Anxiety disorder. Things lately have gotten a lot worse though. A year and a half ago he lost his job of 19 years and has been on unemployment all this time. I am also disabled, so it does not allow me to hold a job and bring any money into the household. We stay together constantly, or at least in the same house constatly. He stays in one room while I am in another room. We used to have the same interests, but now, we have nothing in common. I have caught him many times looking at porn on his computer and I do not believe in that in a marriage. I do have a daughter, but by my previouys husband and am not able to have anymore children. That it a stumbling block by itself. Just 2 weeks ago he tried to walk out of our marriage and I was devastated. I cried and begged for him to stay and he did. But, every time there is an arguement, he says he will leave if I do not do things his way. I am so at odds as to what to do. Nothing got to the terrible stage till he lost his job. Can this possibly get better?


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