# This hurts really really bad :'( long post



## MissK (Feb 28, 2012)

I have been married for nearly 1 year 5 months and I daughter will be 5 months soon. When my husband and I were engaged I found out that he saw my 3 year old stepdaughters mother late at night one time. He says he saw her because she was upset about the upcoming wedding and wanted to clear the air with him. Maybe I am overly sensitive but visiting an ex at like 11 at night when you're engaged seems a bit inappropriate to me? I wanted to call off the wedding because I felt like he wasnt giving me the full story. also, our honeymoon to Thailand and everything else had been paid for already.

A few weeks after getting back from honeymoon my husband would go out drinking with his buddies. I never had a problem with this, I believed...and still do that people still need to maintain friendships within marriaged...within reason though. When he was out he would not send me a message to let me know that he would be late. He would come home late at night. It became more frequent. When I fell pregnant it became worse, he would be out all the time, again without letting me know. Things got so bad that I just was not coping being home alone pregnant while my husband was out drinking. I felt that he was married with all the perks of being single. Anyone that doesnt think that marriage should change certain areas of life is sadl mistaken! When I was in my third trimester, home alone again I got a text from his drinking buddy at the pub (my husband had given him my number and I hadnt even met the dude). This guy told me to let my husband go out, what wife was i!! This rattled me, I felt like my husband had zero loyalty towards me. 

I also discovered a text he sent to an ex girlfriend who is married. In it he referred to me as miserable and referred to her baby boy as his stepson to be. He saw nothing wrong with that text! I have been fighting a losing battle with him. Things that normal people would see as wrong he just cannot see. Also, when our daughter arrived he was never there. I did everything myself even when she went through a horrendous bout of cholic. I started getting so angry and called him a bad father and pathetic husband. I wish I could take it back but not counselling, not crying, not screaming, not talking nicely could get him to accept his faults and try and work on our marriage.

I am now living with my parents, living with him had become unbearable, I was crying all night and that wasnt good for my little girl. It has been a week and even though I left home with grace and dignity things have gotten out of hand! My husband's mother has accused me of taking my daughter away from her family and of using my daughter (despite the fact that he has full access to her and has seen her every single day since I have left) and of always wanting my way. I sacrificed alot for my husband, I always conceded to things to keep the peace. How can a woman know all the things that her son has done and still blame me? My husband came home to a cooked meal every single day when he decided to come home. I feel so let down by him and a family that claimed to welcome me as their own when I got married. When I left i thought that we might reconcile but i dont see it happening. as much as I dont want to be a single mom I dont want to be with a man that can throw me under the bus with his family and friends. He has never stood up for me, not even when 2 weeks before I left his family had a lunch and didnt invite me, I found out on facebook! His friends are also weighing in on the action and treating me like I was the worst wife and made his life hell. I am sitting here baffled as to why he looks like the Saint and me like the horrible wife. I am educated, pretty (or so they say ;-) and I honestly dont get it.

How can someone who claims to love you do this to me, treat me like I am nothing and allow his friends and family to do the same. I am so upset by this backlash that I am considering just going ahead with the divorce. This man is not the man that I married...how can someone change so drastically. When I try and talk it's like him and his family hear something different from the words that are actually coming out of my mouth!


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