# Sexual Compatibility Tests



## MutualRespect (Oct 15, 2017)

I am a single male (widowed 2 years) and am trying to start dating again. Every new circumstance presents itself with new challenges, but there are some disturbing challenges regarding sexual compatibility between men and women in general that seem to exist regardless of the people involved. This is scary to me and I hope it doesn't mean that I will never feel satisfied sexually.

A psychologist told me once that if a relationship is sexually satisfying, then you don't worry about it nearly as much as when it isn't satisfying.

I am looking for a test that a couple could take separately, then compare results later (or other approaches) that would perhaps help to bring them closer together in terms of what they want sexually or what they can achieve together, and perhaps give some clear indicators that the couple should not be together if they are clearly incompatible.

I think that the notion of sexual compatibility (between couples, and between men and women in general), may be too subjective to be measured, but I thought I would give this post a try none-the-less. Your comments and insights are greatly appreciated.


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## twoofus (Jun 16, 2017)

You could try Interactive Sex Questionnaire for Couples | Mojo Upgrade but unless you are very forward, I wouldn't push it on a first date LOL


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

The problem with a sexual compatibility test is that when you get to real life, how a person acts sexually is extremely dependent upon how sexually attracted to their partner they are. 

I could take the test, give my answers.... but if in a relationship with a man, and depending on how he treats me, our chemistry together, and my raw sexual attraction to him, could either behave according to my test answers, or NOT.

The real sexual compatibility test is to actually have a long term sexual relationship with someone.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

People taking these type of surveys answer the questions with what they like to think they would do in a given situation.It’s a case of intentions V actual reactions.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I don't think a test will give a reliable answer. In the early days of a relationship, you can quickly establish some key aspects of sexual compatibility: range of activities (sex acts, fetishes, kinks, etc.), style (is one always dominant, or passive, who initiates, or does it alternate/give and take, etc.). What you can't know is long term libido and frequency. Only time and consistency can answer those questions, and it takes at least two years to establish - preferably three. Then, you should know each other's libido and sexual interest in each other because the initial "falling in love" hormones have worn off. Besides, you'll probably have learned all the other important things about your compatibility as well.

So, if all is going well in the first few months, keep on - just don't make any permanent decisions for the future until two or three years in.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

The tests are fun. I think they are better than nothing. Especially if they get you two talking.

My personal opinion is people who don't like the questionnaires, and think may have no value, are shy types. Adventurous peeps who have fun with their sex enjoy questionnaires and think it adds to the fun. The questions, and some very provocative answers, can lead to some pretty uproarious laughter. That's my opinion.

But I am very forward about sex. It was the main topic of conversation on most of my dates. And I think sex should always go along with a healthy dose of laughter. What I have seen is a lot of peeps forget to laugh.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

WilliamM said:


> But I am very forward about sex. It was the main topic of conversation on most of my dates. And I think sex should always go along with a healthy dose of laughter. What I have seen is a lot of peeps forget to laugh.


Because everything has to be so so serious >.<!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Take the one test for "The Five Love Languages" It isn't about sex but the way people feel loved.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

MutualRespect said:


> I am looking for a test that a couple could take separately, then compare results later (or other approaches) that would perhaps help to bring them closer together in terms of what they want sexually or what they can achieve together, and perhaps give some clear indicators that the couple should not be together if they are clearly incompatible.


Rather than masturbating separately then coming back and comparing your results. I think you would get a lot further in determining sexual compatibility by having lots of sex together over time with whomever you are dating.

Though discussion is highly recommended, all the talk in the world cannot determine what it feels like and how well one fits together sexually in actual practice.


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## annierose7995 (Mar 11, 2018)

I saw a test online a few years back, it was like the love languages thing but it was like love languages for sex and supposed to tell you your sexual compatibility with someone. I can't remember where i found it because I can't seem to fin it now. It was a pretty in depth test. Did it with my husband, took about 20 minutes to fill out. The most basic and obvious way would just be to have that conversation and ask each other what you like, but yeah, probably not at that stage as it would be too soon to ask those sorts of questions.


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## MutualRespect (Oct 15, 2017)

Mr.Married said:


> Take the one test for "The Five Love Languages" It isn't about sex but the way people feel loved.


True, but the "it" you speak of is a change of topics. Sex does not require love, nor does love require sex. It's a nice to have though unless one conflicts with the other.


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## MutualRespect (Oct 15, 2017)

Personal said:


> Rather than masturbating separately then coming back and comparing your results.


 Huh? Where did you get that?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

MutualRespect said:


> True, but the "it" you speak of is a change of topics. Sex does not require love, nor does love require sex. It's a nice to have though unless one conflicts with the other.


I should have been a little more detailed...

If your speaking each others love language you will likely find the sex more fulfilling, satisfying, on a deeper intimate level, and happens without all the
melodrama of wanting exactly matching compatibility. The relationship drives the sex....not the other way around.

I'm not talking about hookups and one night stands.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

MutualRespect said:


> Huh? Where did you get that?


It was an allusion, masturbation was used as a figure of speech.

You are asking about how to determine sexual compatibility, yet seem to be interested in determining hypothetical compatibility rather than actual physical compatibility. 

You can hypothesise all sorts of things about sexual compatibility via discussion, yet none of that discussion will determine actual sexual compatibility absent physical testing.

In other words rather than just masturbate (talk about it), the only effective way to determine actual sexual compatibility is to actually start having consensual sex with the person or persons involved.

In my experience I find that talking about it and also testing that compatibility physically in short order and or concurrently, seems to be the best way to accurately determine such compatibility.

Be bold and have at it.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

You are wise to recognize that sexual compatibility is very important. Unfortunately it is difficult to discover early in a relationship.

You might get some hint from generally talking about relationships. If you talk about what is important to each of you, sex can be one thing on your list.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You're all making this too complicated. 

You can determine sexual compatibility in 3 easy steps. 

Step 1. Meet someone.

Step 2. Get nekkid.

Step 3. Have sex. 

If still in doubt, repeat Steps 2 and 3. You will soon know either way.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> *Some of you are* making this too complicated.


Fixed it for you. :wink2:


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## biwing (Feb 2, 2017)

My wife and I agree that taking a test like above is useless but it does present for some possible discussions when both partners review their answers together. It will open up the important communication that is required for a successful relationship to last. 

We both feel that sexual compatability will evolve over the relationship as will the results of taking the test again. For newbe's to sex, they cannot be able to answer as to how they would feel but would answer as to what they would want.

By the way, my wife and I took this test today and found out that we are mostly incompatable sexually, although we are celebrating our 49th year of marriage and have been very happy sexually together.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

For me, kissing has always been a _very_ reliable test for sexual compatibility.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

personally, i think people put too much faith in sexual compatibility. my wife and i weren't very compatible when we got married, and both of us knew it. 

that changed, of course.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> You're all making this too complicated.
> 
> You can determine sexual compatibility in 3 easy steps.
> 
> ...


Bull

Then get married and hear I never really liked that!

Or is that all you think about!

Or I'm tired!

I could go on but you get my drift!

Sexual incompatibility is one of the biggest gripes on this board!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

As'laDain said:


> personally, i think people put too much faith in sexual compatibility. my wife and i weren't very compatible when we got married, and both of us knew it.
> 
> that changed, of course.


To an extent, I agree. I think that relational expectations in general are way out of whack these days and quite unreasonable. 

Having said that though, I was in a sexless marriage with an ex who was an awful kisser and a nonexistent lover - and I initially ignored that thinking it would all get better with time and effort.


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

minimalME said:


> To an extent, I agree. I think that relational expectations in general are way out of whack these days and quite unreasonable.
> 
> Having said that though, I was in a sexless marriage with an ex who was an awful kisser and a nonexistent lover - and I initially ignored that thinking it would all get better with time and effort.


that highlights the other side of that coin...

agreement is more important than any initial compatibility. if both partners really want to be compatible, they will find a way. 

but, it DOES require both of them to want it...


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

chillymorn69 said:


> Bull
> 
> Then get married and hear I never really liked that!
> 
> ...



There is such a thing as Bait and Switch and people can lose attraction and desire for their partner over time as the years go by. 

But my point is that in order to determine sexual compatibility and chemistry, you are going to have to let the clothes hit the floor and actually have sex. 

Other people's mileage my vary but in my personal first hand experience, if the first encounter or two were awkward and uncomfortable and frustrating, it never really did get any better from there. 

And if the first encounter or two were comfortable and natural and exciting and satisfying, it continued to be so and often even improved over time even if it wasn't wild monkey sex swinging from the chandeliers.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

....and if you are going to use how the sex is 20, 30 years later as the gauge and benchmark of sexual compatibility, that is not really fair because people themselves change over time. 

Over time people can get fat, lose their hair and muscle tone, hormone levels can drop drastically, menopause/ manopause, medications, medical conditions etc etc can all occur over the course of one's life that will effect libidos and sexual performance. 

A couple that has been married 25 years may have an almost nonexistent sex or have a sex life that has left one or both very dissatisfied (or they may both be perfectly ok with no sex) but that doesn't mean they weren't perfectly compatible and tearing it up for many years earlier. 

I don't think sex going to pot after 20 years is the same thing as incompatibility.


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## MutualRespect (Oct 15, 2017)

uhtred said:


> You are wise to recognize that sexual compatibility is very important. Unfortunately, it is difficult to discover early in a relationship.
> 
> You might get some hint from generally talking about relationships. If you talk about what is important to each of you, sex can be one thing on your list.


Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I have looked at the compatibility test questions here Interactive Sex Questionnaire for Couples | Mojo Upgrade and it was eye-opening to say the least. It helped me to be able to articulate what I need much more clearly to whoever the [her] in my life ends up being. When the time comes, I will be able to do this. I can only hope that she can do the same and perhaps that test can help us get what we both need in a healthy and sustainable way.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

My two cents, having been in a sex starved marriage and having when first married been like two rabbits, I would rather look for someone with real empathy, who cares deeply about you and is willing to discuss sex without getting too embarrassed. 

As others have said people change over time, but if your SO is really concerned about your happiness, understands that sex is suppose to be fun and can talk about what both they and you want, that will go a long way toward compatability.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I think, note the disclaimer that what I am writing is my opinion, having sex actually teaches a couple only a little about their sexual compatibility.

Again my opinion is communication in some way is very important. My wife communicated in her own wacky way, so it took me years to figure things out. I could say she didn’t communicate, but not all communication is verbal. She is quite good at non verbal communication once I learned she spoke a different language and I learned to read her particular nuances.

Communication is worth more than practice in my opinion. Otherwise you just wear a rut in the same old spot, perhaps failing to realize what adventure awaits.


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## Um Excuse Me (Feb 3, 2018)

.....:thumbup:


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