# 6yr old destroying our home



## jamie31709 (Jul 1, 2009)

Im having a rather large issue with a rather little girl that is kinda ruining my life!!!
i have been with my fiance for 3yrs and and together we have 3 children. 2 of them are from his previous marriage a 6yr old and a 3yr old then we have a 6month old together.we have full custody of his 2 girls beings that there mom is a complete waste of oxygen.i have raised these girls for 3 yrs and love them with all of my heart... our relationship has not been the best recently do to an affair (his) and the fact that financially were falling apart...now all that i have been dealing with and working on but we still have one main issue and i dont know what to do about it. his 6 yr old daughter is out of control!! she screams she crys she throws things she lies she smacked my son when he was only a few weeks old. she purposly starts fights between me and her dad. if i take anything away from her or punish her then she makes sure to let me know that she is telling on me. i cant get daycare because NO ONE will watch her. i can convince some one to watch her one time after that they wont come back.
if she gets mad at u she will pee her bed so that u have to clean it up and she thinks its funny. You cant take her out n public for fear of what she will do and when u do try to dicipline her in public she creates a huge scene as if you were beating her. she will do anything for attention and not not in a good way. and beleive it or not shes better now than she was when we got together.
now i know that right away people are going to think its bad parenting but his 3 yr old daughter that i have raised from an infant is basically an angel. she is probably one of the most well behaved children i have ever seen.
My issue is that i have been at wits end with this child for a while. truthfully im so stressed out that i could probably use some medication at this point. i have begged my fiance to take her to the dr or to the childrens clinic and he refuses and always says that its just a phase. i have tried every way i know to get through to him that she needs help and he just keeps fighting me on it. Even his family has approached him about itand he thinks that we r all to hard on her and thats why shes like that which is definatly not the case. im to the point that i dont want to keep living my life stressed all the time and i dont want my son to grow up thinking its okay to act like his sister.
i need some ideas of what to do for this child and how to get it accrossed to her dad that she needs serious help.i dont want this to sound like i dont love her because i do its just extremely hard to deal with everyday and im not sure how much longer can do it.


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

If your problems with your fiance are this bad already, I definitely would not marry him, as it will only get worse. I had three step-children and two of my own children, who I, by myself raised, because their dad always worked away from home. Things got more and more complicated as they grew older. 

You and your fiance have to be in agreement concerning discipline, as it will never work unless/until you do. I have been dealing with my step-children for more than twenty-one years, and most of it hasn't been pretty. The oldest has had a twenty-one plus year's mission of trying to get rid of me. 

Even though two of them are over thirty years old, they still think we are financially liable for their bad choices. The youngest, who is twenty-six lived with us for almost two years and never contributed one red cent to even buy groceries.

My husband feels guilty for practically abandoning them, during our entire marriage (being gone 95% of the time) and feels like he should still be helping them out. Just last week he bailed the oldest out of jail for about the third time. He always says "this is the last time." Right! 

The worst part, after sacrificing the past twenty-one years for his kids and grand kids, and while one of my unemployed step-sons was living in our home, (along with his two children every other weekend) my husband was having an affair. 

The reason I am telling you this, is so you realize that it only gets worse. If I had it all to do over, and knew what I know now, I would NEVER even consider taking on all that responsibility.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

My middle son was a handful when he was young. I did put him in daycare at one point. The first week he bit the teacher, threw a chair and refused to sit in circle time, so he hid inside the playhouse. I was beside myself but they insisted they wanted to keep working with him. Eventually he came out of the playhouse, sat in circle time and met some friends. By the time he started Kindergarten, he was extremely well behaved in school (although still exploded at home)

He is 15 now and very smart, sweet & quiet, so there is hope 

One book that helped me was The Explosive Child by Ross. W. Greene, but I really credit the daycare for sticking it out with him.


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## swedish (Mar 6, 2008)

Just to add, one thing I realized early on is that all 3 of my kids needed different things. With my middle son, I made sure to spend extra time with him at bedtime, reinforcing the good things he did that day, telling him how much I loved him. 

I would approach the wetting the bed in a gentle way (I know, it's really hard to do when she's yelling/laughing about it, etc.) but tell her you need to clean the bed sheets together (if she flat out refuses, leave them dirty until the next day and bring it up again) then have her pull them from the bed, you carry them down with her, have her help put the soap in, etc. and when they are all clean, put them back on together & thank her for helping out and listening...even if she responds with a snotty remark, let it go...it's baby steps and if she feels you love her and care about her she will slowly come around. 

One of the main things I learned to do was to think ahead about what would require immediate action/punishment/etc. (violence, destructive behavior) and what was small stuff (wanting to eat ice cream for breakfast) and start by letting the small stuff go for now so they don't feel constantly badgered.

It has to be very consistent though, so she knows she is loved but there are rules and consequences for bad behavior...Lashing back verbally will set you back to ground zero with her. If she sees a consistent routine and she knows how you roll she will start to realize that controlling herself is to her benefit.


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