# So mad!!!



## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Ok, just need to rant for a moment. My exH just a few minutes ago brought our daughter home from his visitation. He told me to make sure I prepare our son for a Wednesday visit with him. (Our son is 14 yrs old and refuses to have anything to do with his dad since the betrayal.) Anyways, my exH tells me he wants our son to go with him for visit Wed and that he didnt care if he just sat in the car and pouted the whole time, he was making the kid go with. I told my ex H that I personally was not going to make our son go with and that he (my ex) needed to be understanding our of our son's feelings, that he betrayed the entire family, kids included, not just me. I said to my ex that while I understand he does get court ordered visitation, I will not make my son go. My ex said to me, that I had to make him go with. I said no, I don't. I said to him that he (our son) hate him. That's when my ex H sat there and said these words to me: *and that is YOUR fault* Oh Hell no! No, it is NOT my fault your son hates you. I threw my arms up in the arm and told him to get the Fvck off my property. I then went in the house and locked the door.
I am soooooo livid right now. How dare he blame me for what HIS actions caused!
issed:


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

I know that it is too late but consider ignoring him when he tries to pull this crap in the future.

It is HIS JOB to mend his relationship with his son, not yours.


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## 1-12-t1 (Aug 7, 2011)

thata girl. i hate cheaters... both my ltr girlfriends cheated on me. i know what your goin thru and believe me... it sucks.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

morituri said:


> I know that it is too late but consider ignoring him when he tries to pull this crap in the future.
> 
> It is HIS JOB to mend his relationship with his son, not yours.


and that is what I told him, Mori. I told him it was not my responsibility to make our son like him. He told me that I "needed to pull my weight in raising our kids and that it was up to me to get our son to want to spend time with him"

I hate how he refuses to accept any self responsibility for his actions.


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## tm84 (Jul 24, 2011)

There is no way that you should force your son to visit with his dad if he does not want to. It's completely ridiculous that he would play the blame game when he knows that he doesn't have a leg to stand on in anyone's eyes. It's really too bad that he isn't man enough to deal with his wrongs. Good for you for standing up to him!


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I would think at 14 your son can make up his own mind whether he wants to spend time with his dad or not. I would have reacted the same way you did, if not worse.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## piqued (Mar 25, 2010)

The next time you have a conver with him (esp about your son) I would record it.

Never know where this is gonna go...he might try taking YOU to court because your son doesn't want to see him. Let the judge hear some of the crazy stuff coming out of his mouth.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> "needed to pull my weight in raising our kids and that it was up to me to get our son to want to spend time with him"


Oh I'm sorry that is FUNNY. I am getting exactly the same thing. It is all my fault! 

Come on Apple. Do the Duck. Water off your back. I know its hard. I know it ruins your day.


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Apple this drama is going to continue and is being encouraged because you have not implemented rules of engagement with your ex.

Write down the guidelines , items like. He never comes into your house or property, create a schedule for visitations that are equal but where the timings faviour you, he sends an email or text regarding the children or finances only , there is no discussion, if your son declines have your son send a text from his phone . One of the guidelines is if he does not return your daughter by a pre agreed time xxx he does not have a next visitation, if he continues to play games go to court and enforce the schedule. If he puts the gf on the phone with your daughter have her take calls on a speaker phone , if you hear the g/f cut the call off. Speak to your daughter before hand and explain talking to daddy is fine talking to his gf is not.

You will never move on with your life if you do not actively force a distance between you and your ex. Engaging with him in any way feeds his ego and enables him to blame everyone but himself . He knows what buttons to push and how to get a reaction from you, stop it, your dealing with a child in a mans body who is always looking for a reason to fight you. 

Go dark focus on you he is no longer part of your life.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Ing, isn't it CRAZY how they blame us for their actions!---Yeah, I put a gun to your head and made you cheat!---Morons. I tell you what, my ex is spitting mad now that I have learned to stand up to him. He used to always have me under his boot. He used to always be able to scare me. Well, not. any. more. I have broken out of that shell. I am a new woman now. I'm not afraid of him anymore. Let's see how he likes me now.

My ex is not allowed in my house and the only contact I have with him is about the kids. All other matters regarding finances and property have all been settled in court, so the only time I must communicate with him is about the kids. 

After I posted this last night, I later found out more about what happened between him and our son. My son who is 14, was babysitting his little cousin for his Aunt last night. My ex made a stop over at his sisters house where my son was babysitting. My son proceeded to ignore his father, where he got upset at our son for not interacting with him. He cornered him up against a wall, yanked the headphones out of his ears and demanded that my son give him respect. He told our son that he did not care what _his issues were but that he needed to grow up and get over things already. It said that it had been 2 months now, and that 2 months was more than enough time to "stop your damned pouting". He told our son that he was going to give him respect whether he wanted to or not.

I was even more angry after hearing that. If my son does not want to go to his dad's, then he will not go. Simple as that. I will go into mama bear mode. He is 14 years old now. He is old enough to decide if he wants to see dad or not. If it comes down to it, I will take my son before a judge and let my son tell the judge he does not want to see his father.

If I don't make my son go for a court ordered visitation and my ex calls the cops on me, are the cops really going to force my son to go with his dad? I doubt it._


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Unbelievable. How can a father who is supposed to be responsible for the physical, mental and emotional well being of his son be so cruel to him? What he did is called CHILD ABUSE.

Do a preemptive strike and report him to child protective services. Take that report back to court as proof of mental and emotional abuse from your ex in order to either terminate his visitation rights or have them limited to supervised mode. If he tries to get the police involved in this, you then show them the report from CPS and they will probably side with you.

Your ex is a toxic parent and should be treated as such by you and the courts.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

My ex did same. Stopped by where kids were at work or unable to leave. He demanded visits etc and blamed me because kids haven't been for a sleepover since there were 12 and 13 (now 19 and 16, son stopped his visits at 12). I didn't force the kids nor encourage them to not go. If I could have been taken to court for withholding visitation, I'm sure he would have. Never happened. I agree with striking first and making complaint. My ex started his abuse on oldest first, then when frustrated with her moved it to the younger one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Our 7 year old still happily goes with him, and that's fine. But, if our 14 yr old does not want to, then I will not make him go. If later on he changes his mind, and wants to go, I will support him. This is his choice. 

I just wish my ex could see past the big nose on his face and see what he has done.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Apple--don't feed into his BS lines about how it's "your fault." Oh, please. Tell him "It is not my fault for the way he feels. If you want to see him, you should talk to him directly about this." If he lays into you, cut the conversation off and hang up, tello him you are not going to be spoken to in a disrespectful manner.

I want to hit your exH. He is so annoying!

My sis kinda went thru the same thing. It was court-ordered that my niece (her daughter) see her dad and my niece HATED going to his house but my sis woulod make her gol. My niece ended up resenting her for a bit and eventaully told her dad straight up she had no desire to see him. Sad, but true. 

This is your ex's mess to clean up. Sorry to hear you are still dealing with this BS. Like Eli said--set hardcore boundaries--you don't have to listen to him ranting about nonsense.


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## walkingwounded (May 7, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> He told me that I "needed to pull my weight in raising our kids and that it was up to me to get our son to want to spend time with him"


AKA

"I know there's no way on earth I can redeem myself to our son so I want you to do it for me."

Yeah a HUGE dose of deflection there from him. Nice.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ Exactly


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> I am a new woman now. I'm not afraid of him anymore. Let's see how he likes me now.
> 
> .


Your Ex can't DEMAND respect. He has to EARN it. 
Your Ex is obviously in deep denial with his son. Idiot.

It all sounds so familiar.

You may be at an eninem stage... Look up "25 to life and play it loud.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I spoke with my son last night. I asked him if he wanted to go with his dad on Wednesday. My son said no. I told him, ok, if he did not want to go, he did not have to go. However, I also told him that I am not giving him a free pass at never seeing his dad. My son says that his dad wants to pick him up from school on Wednesday, I said if he wanted to come home he could. He asked me what to do if his dad becomes threatening or intimidating with him. I told him if that was the case, to call the police. Nobody has the right to threaten or intimidate BUT that he did need to know the difference between parental authority and intimidation.

I told my son that he can refuse to go with his dad, he has the right not to be placed in a situation that would cause him great deals of stress. I told him that because his dad is a very controlling person, he would most likely call the police to try to get them to enforce the visitation. I told my son if that happens, you simply tell the officers you do not wish to go with your dad and they will not force you to go.

I also tried to explain as best as I could to my son about the personal demons his dad has. I tried to explain it as best as could in a way so as I was not bad-mouthing his dad but so rather that my son could have some understanding into why what happened, happened. I told him that he does not get a free pass at never seeing his dad ever again but that he will not be forced into a visit. I told him that his father does not get to demand you respect him. He must earn that respect. I told him if his dad ever does come around and wants to make a genuine attempt at their relationship, then he should give him that chance.

As for me myself, I am so angry. So angry that he would do this to his own son. I pray that my ex someday will wake up and fully see all the damage he has done, and he can make things right with his children before it is too late. I do want my son to have a good, healthy relationship with his dad but his dad needs to realize he needs to earn it with his son.


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

UFB. BTW, I love your name, AppleDuckllings, it always makes me smile.

You're doing the right thing in letting your son feel like he has a choice in this. Teenagers have a tough enough time, but putting a divorce because of betrayal on top of it is even worse. As my now-20-something-year-old sons told me, the one thing they despise are hypocrites, and teens can sniff hypocrisy out like a bloodhound. Teens refuse to rug-sweep, and if they do, it usually involves drugs and booze.

You've probably done this, but do make sure your 14-year-old knows that even though ex hurt you and them, it is okay for him to love his father and spend time with him, even if he's angry at him, and it's okay for him to tell his father that. Has he had any counseling yet? That may be a good idea too, if you can swing it. Teenage years can be so difficult, it would be good for him to work through this anger so he doesn't carry that into the worst of teenager-dom, which is ahead of him.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

AppleDucklings~user name inspired by my sweet daughter 

Yes, I do encourage my son to have a relationship with his father but I will not force it upon him. His dad seems to think that our son should just be "over" things already. It's coming up on 3 months since the divorce. It's going to take more time than that to get "over" things.

No, he has not had counseling yet but I do believe strongly he needs it. He is refusing though. I'm probably going to have to make him go.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I do wish to relay a story of my own family history to make you aware of something that may happen down the line and you can take measures to prevent it.


My cousins went thru the same situation when my Uncle cheated on my Aunt and got divorced, my older cousin reacted much like your older son and wanted nothing to do with his father, my younger cousin, being younger and not understanding of the situation was happy to see his dad and thus they became a lot closer than his older brother did. As a result, my younger cousin got preferential treatment and gifts, etc. from my uncle (who was not on my blood side)

This began a rift between my two cousins that widened as they became adults. The older one was resentful of the younger brother of "selling out" and the younger resented his older brother for not being more forgiving of their father. Then when my older cousin refused to see his dad on his death bed the result is that now my cousins are no longer speaking to each other and haven't for close to 7 years now. They are two brothers in name only and don't act like brothers at all.

Please do your best to prevent this outcome, as it can happen.


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## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

I should add that this was complicated by the fact that my aunt was more than happy to have her "ally" in her older son. I feel that if she made an effort to get her son to forgive her father then much of the bad feelings between the brothers could have been avoided. It seems as if you are doing that and I wish to commend you for that.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Apple Ducklings BE CAREFUL 
While family court won't force your son to go, police will honor written court order and force your son. If exH shows up at school with custody papers in hand saying he gets kids Wednesday and police get called, your son might be forced to go.
Happened to me once. Get this sorted out through CPA or your son might get stuck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> Apple Ducklings BE CAREFUL
> While family court won't force your son to go, police will honor written court order and force your son. If exH shows up at school with custody papers in hand saying he gets kids Wednesday and police get called, your son might be forced to go.
> Happened to me once. Get this sorted out through CPA or your son might get stuck.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


And police were called to a 'disturbance' when stepmom choked my daughter. When I got there and police got there, my daughter was too traumatized to say what happened in front of everyone, so she remained there the rest of the weekend (with me sick!). When she came home, we filed a report and stepmom went through CPA workshops etc. In 6 years since it happened, my daughter has not spent the night there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I don't know about every state but at least where I am, teenagers are given the right to decide if they want to go with the parent or not if that reason is for good reason. Right now, I feel my son has good reason. His father is trying to bully him and intimidate him. That is not right. If my son did not want to go because he would rather watch a TV show that night, then too bad, I would make him go. 

Far as visitation goes, that is pretty vague. My ex refused to go on a set schedule due to his on-call work hours so therefore visitation was set as "free as liberal around his work schedule" Unfortunately there is no set in stone visit times, only when is convenient for him.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Almostrecovered said:


> I should add that this was complicated by the fact that my aunt was more than happy to have her "ally" in her older son. I feel that if she made an effort to get her son to forgive her father then much of the bad feelings between the brothers could have been avoided. It seems as if you are doing that and I wish to commend you for that.


I do hope that someday my son and his father can come together again and have a healthy father/son relationship but that is going to be very hard to accomplish while my ex is pointing fingers at everyone and not taking self responsibility for his actions.My ex is a very arrogant man who can do no wrong. He can find fault in anyone and is very fast to point out anyone else's faults but he himself is never in the wrong, and even when he is proven to be wrong, he will blame it on someone else. An example of that would be something like "Squares are round." "No, squares are not round, circles are round" "Oh, well, Timmy told me squares were round." See, how it is now Timmy's fault? This is how he runs. Like, somehow I made him cheat and somehow it's my fault my son is angry at him and it's my fault he is broke and all that.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> That's when my ex H sat there and said these words to me: *and that is YOUR fault* Oh Hell no!
> 
> I am soooooo livid right now. How dare he blame me for what HIS actions caused!
> issed:


I hear you, Apple Ducklings. He and my stbxw were reading from the same script this weekend, apparently. Maybe someday they will realize what they have done to their children.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Just got off the phone with the Asshat.

.................issed:...........................................................

I was discussing with him our son and how he does not want to go with for a visit. My ex was telling me that he does not care what our son thinks, he will go with and that he wanted me to make sure he went. I told him that I spoke to our son about it and asked if he wanted to go on a visit with dad. He said no. I said ok, I would not force him to go. So, my ex then proceeds to go into some ramble about how I am not being a good co-parent by preparing our son for visits. Then he went into another ramble about how it was all my fault (since I told our son that dad chose another woman) and he then demanded that I apologize to our son for saying those things to him and that I explain to our son how I was wrong, and how I was not right in telling him about the affair. He then continued on to tell me that I needed to show our son where I was wrong for everything to help him feel better so he will want to go with on a visit.

My ex is coming by on Wed to pick up the kids from school. Wed is going to probably be a hell day with the ex. I dont care what the Asshat says. I am NOT forcing my son to go with. I will encourage my son to have a relationship with his dad but with everything still be very fresh and still very painful, I will not force him into any situation that makes him uncomfortable.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Just got off the phone with the Asshat.
> 
> .................issed:...........................................................
> 
> ...


Make advance plans with son (police, lawyer, you, teacher, CPS) because expecting a 14 year old to have the strength to handle such a pinhead on his own without support won't end well!
I had a jerk ex-H who pulled that crap at school, sports, at my mom's. It's stress on kids and sometimes they cave to avoid the fight.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## howcouldshe (Jul 18, 2011)

ing said:


> You may be at an eninem stage... Look up "25 to life and play it loud.


Here is the link, some great lyrics

Eminem - 25 To Life (Lyrics) - YouTube


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Make advance plans with son (police, lawyer, you, teacher, CPS) because expecting a 14 year old to have the strength to handle such a pinhead on his own without support won't end well!
> I had a jerk ex-H who pulled that crap at school, sports, at my mom's. It's stress on kids and sometimes they cave to avoid the fight.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yes, I am going to be calling a lawyer and asking what can I do. My son absolutely does not want to go with him. It's been almost 3 months since the divorce and in those 3 months, my ex has not once wanted his son for a visit. Now, 3 months later without any attempt to have a visit with him before, now he is suddenly demanding that he go with for a visit. And he is demanding that I apologize to our son for all of my wrongs and explain to our son about how I was wrong for making dad look bad. (The only thing I told my son was that his father and I were divorcing because dad had a girlfriend and I was not okay with that. I did not give no other details, I did not bad mouth him or demonize him.)

I'm so sick of everything being my fault. He needs to take responsibility for his actions already.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Sorry you are still dealing with this bull, AD. 

When he comes over, remain calm. If he starts ranting you can tell him you won't be spoken to in that manner and he can speak directly to your son about this matter.

I'm not surprised asshat was upset that his girlfriend/affair was exposed. Little boy who can't face the consquences of his actions... sad, really.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Yes, I am going to be calling a lawyer and asking what can I do. My son absolutely does not want to go with him. It's been almost 3 months since the divorce and in those 3 months, my ex has not once wanted his son for a visit. Now, 3 months later without any attempt to have a visit with him before, now he is suddenly demanding that he go with for a visit. And he is demanding that I apologize to our son for all of my wrongs and explain to our son about how I was wrong for making dad look bad. (The only thing I told my son was that his father and I were divorcing because dad had a girlfriend and I was not okay with that. I did not give no other details, I did not bad mouth him or demonize him.)
> 
> I'm so sick of everything being my fault. He needs to take responsibility for his actions already.


I've so been where you are - I'm sorry!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Jellybeans said:


> Sorry you are still dealing with this bull, AD.
> 
> When he comes over, remain calm. If he starts ranting you can tell him you won't be spoken to in that manner and he can speak directly to your son about this matter.
> 
> I'm not surprised asshat was upset that his girlfriend/affair was exposed. Little boy who can't face the consquences of his actions... sad, really.


In the end, he became so emotionally attached to the OW, that I don't think he even cared the affair was exposed. He did not want the consequences though. He wants to still point fingers and play the blame game. Personally, I hope he gets to enjoy every single consequence that comes his way.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He will. Remember the Karma bus is sometimes late but when she makes an appearance, it's an unforgettable one.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I think you need to prepare a rehearsed speech for each time he tries to 'educate' you: "I'm not the one who cheated. You have no rights here any more. I will not be talked to this way. Click."

Do NOT get involved in any discussions over him and his son. You will NEVER convince him otherwise; he has to reach that himself when he's reached rock bottom in regard to his son, and comes back with an apology. Until then, the subject is off the table, ok?


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^^ Heed Turn's advice.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> And he is demanding that I apologize to our son for all of my wrongs and explain to our son about how I was wrong for making dad look bad. (The only thing I told my son was that his father and I were divorcing because dad had a girlfriend and I was not okay with that. I did not give no other details, I did not bad mouth him or demonize him.)
> 
> I'm so sick of everything being my fault. He needs to take responsibility for his actions already.


The blame shifting continues. My Ex is doing exactly the same thing. I said almost exactly the same thing to my kids.

"We are divorcing because mum loves someone else and we can't stay together because of that."

She is also furious that this action has consequences. 

Her daughter now expects nothing from her. Expects her Mother to lie to her about her life. Her respect for her has gone. 
She understood the split.She could have forgiven that, but the continued gas lighting to HER is unforgivable.

I have been doing a little research and it appears there is a type of Affair that needs you to be involved in it. They keep coming back trying to involve you in it because they are getting off on your pain.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

ing said:


> The blame shifting continues. My Ex is doing exactly the same thing. I said almost exactly the same thing to my kids.
> 
> "We are divorcing because mum loves someone else and we can't stay together because of that."
> 
> ...


Ing, if you have the article on that type of affair, I'd like to read about it too. Thanks


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

UPDATING:

After doing some thinking over the past few days, I decided it would be good for my son to go with his dad today so he could tell him how he feels about everything. So, he was to meet his dad today at a shop near the high school he attends. When my son went to the shop, his dad was not there so he called to ask where he was. They had missed each other by 5 minutes. His dad did not wait around, did not call to find out what was going on, he just left. He (the X) then called me and started yelling at me for not being pro-active in communicating with him about the kids and about how he was highly upset that he missed his visit with his son because I did not call him to say his son would be at the shop waiting for him. I told him to stop yelling at me and to go to hell. Then I hung up on him.

He was only 5 minutes away but refused to turn around to drive the 5 minutes to pick up his son. Instead, he felt better about calling me and blaming me for his missed visitation. He tried telling me that he didnt know if he was going to get him or not and that I should have been calling him to let him know for sure. You fvcking moron. YOU pick up the phone and find out for yourself. And if you miss him by only 5 minutes, turn your car around and pick him up. DO NOT BLAME FOR YOUR FAILURES.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> UPDATING:
> 
> After doing some thinking over the past few days, I decided it would be good for my son to go with his dad today so he could tell him how he feels about everything. So, he was to meet his dad today at a shop near the high school he attends. When my son went to the shop, his dad was not there so he called to ask where he was. They had missed each other by 5 minutes. His dad did not wait around, did not call to find out what was going on, he just left. He (the X) then called me and started yelling at me for not being pro-active in communicating with him about the kids and about how he was highly upset that he missed his visit with his son because I did not call him to say his son would be at the shop waiting for him. I told him to stop yelling at me and to go to hell. Then I hung up on him.
> 
> He was only 5 minutes away but refused to turn around to drive the 5 minutes to pick up his son. Instead, he felt better about calling me and blaming me for his missed visitation. He tried telling me that he didnt know if he was going to get him or not and that I should have been calling him to let him know for sure. You fvcking moron. YOU pick up the phone and find out for yourself. And if you miss him by only 5 minutes, turn your car around and pick him up. DO NOT BLAME FOR YOUR FAILURES.


Please reconsider how you're handling this. Your son is 14. He's a kid. Your ex is abusive and your son has lived through it all. To expect him to have a normal father/son conversation with any positive outcome isn't going to happen. Maybe with counselors but one-on-one? You can't have productive conversation with ex but expect a kid to have success?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Please reconsider how you're handling this. Your son is 14. He's a kid. Your ex is abusive and your son has lived through it all. To expect him to have a normal father/son conversation with any positive outcome isn't going to happen. Maybe with counselors but one-on-one? You can't have productive conversation with ex but expect a kid to have success?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


No, sorry. I think you misunderstand. I dont expect my son to have success in speaking with his dad. I just thought he should tell his father how he feels rather than keeping everything all bottled up.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> No, sorry. I think you misunderstand. I dont expect my son to have success in speaking with his dad. I just thought he should tell his father how he feels rather than keeping everything all bottled up.


AD, there is SO much more to it than that, for a child. I hope you're doing some reading to learn about what they REALLY go through, the sense of abandonment, fear of rejection, yearning for unconditional love...it is so profound a change that to ask him to 'just tell him' is often not only not feasible but even detrimental to your son's well being. Please get him some therapy.

Your ex yells at and blames you because you let him. Try hanging up.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

turnera said:


> AD, there is SO much more to it than that, for a child. I hope you're doing some reading to learn about what they REALLY go through, the sense of abandonment, fear of rejection, yearning for unconditional love...it is so profound a change that to ask him to 'just tell him' is often not only not feasible but even detrimental to your son's well being. Please get him some therapy.
> 
> Your ex yells at and blames you because you let him. Try hanging up.


I agree. My older kids are from an abusive marriage similar to yours with lack of accountability and plain bull-headedness. It takes a lot of strength to stick up to that, even for me as an adult, even a line as simple as, 'I don't want to visit with you today'. You think your ex saves his tirade pig-headed attitude for just you? Can you imagine if he called out your son with one of his tirades? You can't know how it will turn out. I know you're sick of dealing with your ex, but 14 is far too young to send him on his own to have that converstion with dad. Hell my 19 year old with years of therapy still struggles with boundaries with her dad.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I don't know what to do then.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> I don't know what to do then.


Ask if he (son) needs to talk to someone. There's so many things at play. Even though his dad's a jerk, he wants to be wanted by him and it hurts when his dad puts forth no effort. So not wanting to go could be an effort to get his dad's attention or it could be his dad's truly abusive. I think a professional needs to sort it out and give him tools to shut down exH's tirades. You could use help with that too. You're more free than you were but he still can rile you up. You guys are all victims of exH. You feel free but until you know how to stop him pushing your buttons, you don't know what free is! And I hope one day you can wake up, take a deep breath down to your toes and realize it's been weeks since you worried what exH's next stunt will be because you aren't worried.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just don't push them to work things out. If son doesn't want to go, drop the subject. Let him come to it on his own. Be the safe person in his life. Don't cover for your son with stbx; your son needs you to protect him from stbx if he's not ready to deal with him. Most of all, don't push son to do ANYTHING. Let it be his decisions.

And find a counselor, check him/her out, tell your son you've already been to the person, and explain to him what it will be like in the appointment. Most kids are scared of shrinks and have no concept of what really goes on. If you walk him through it, and he sees you made it in and out (lol), he'll be more open to going. If you have to, tell him it would mean a lot to YOU if he goes; let him think he's helping YOU.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Teenagers are extremely resistant to parental attempts to get them to go to counseling. When my youngest daughter went through a rebellious stage after her mom died (my first wife), I attempted to convince her to go to counseling but to no avail. Then one day when she was in a good mood, I asked her to accompany me - though I didn't tell her exactly where we were going. When we got there I asked her if she wanted to stay in the car or go in with me. Like most teenagers, my daughter had a very low tolerance for waiting, so she agreed to go in with me. Once inside the counselor's office, she sat in the lobby reading some magazines while I was talking to my counselor - the door to the counselor was kept open on purpose. It didn't take long for her to listen to the conversation with my counselor regarding my attempts to transcend the death of my wife. My daughter came in and gave me a loving hug while she was crying. I comforted her and after she composed herself a bit, she chose to remain with me during the rest of the session. Once we left my counselor's office, we headed home and during the drive, she told me she wanted to come with me to my next counseling session. From that point on, 'my' counseling sessions became 'her' counseling sessions. Maybe you should consider this approach with your son.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Nice! And smart!

That's why I suggest going yourself, so son can see therapy is not torture.

On the other hand, let me tell you what my DH did with his mother. She is most likely schizophrenic (told us the neighbors were sending their ****roaches over to her house). He wanted her to see my psychiatrist, so I made an appointment. Instead of asking her to go, or even telling her to go, he simply picked her up one day for no reason, and drove her there, and once they got in, told her where she was, and that she had to go in. It was a disaster.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Thanks Mori. My son is adamant about not going to counseling. He says that "he is a guy and guys dont share their feelings" I've tried to explain to him that this is a situation where he needs to talk to someone. But he is not listening to me. I want to help him get through this but I really dont know how.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Your next best bet is finding another male in his life who can spend time with him. Not necessarily to talk to him, but just to spend time with. He needs a male role around him so that he can morph off of him and destress. Something he can't do with you. If he gets 'safe' enough with this male influence, the talking may come, between them.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I am just so angry at my ex husband for doing to this to our family. I am so angry at him for causing all this pain and suffering upon our child, and then for blaming me for everything. I am so angry at him for not caring about what he has done. I called a friend of mine last night and for two hours just cried to her. I'm so thankful to have her as a friend. My son needs a friend like that. He needs someone he can call and cry to, someone who will listen and be nonjudgmental.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> I am just so angry at my ex husband for doing to this to our family. I am so angry at him for causing all this pain and suffering upon our child, and then for blaming me for everything. I am so angry at him for not caring about what he has done. I called a friend of mine last night and for two hours just cried to her. I'm so thankful to have her as a friend. My son needs a friend like that. He needs someone he can call and cry to, someone who will listen and be nonjudgmental.


Apple Ducklings, you are a strong lady who is isn't scared to say, 'I don't know what to do'. That will get you far!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Apple Ducklings, you are a strong lady who is say, 'I don't know what to do'. That will get you far!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Some days I don't feel very strong. Somedays it's like trying to swim thru concrete.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Have you looked up some organizations in your area, maybe something for betrayed spouses, that you can go to?


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Another poster from here let me know of a group that meets near my work on Thursday nights for betrayed spouses. I'm planning on going next week. Maybe some of them also have a son near your age if you get involved in one near you.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

There is a support group that I have found that meets at a local church but whaddaya know, they meet on thursday nights at the exact same time I have a night class for school. I have not been able to find any other so far.

Oh, and another thing. My mother is setting up plans to get everyone together for family group pictures. My mom and dad, my sisters and the families, me and my broken family.......
I should do it, and I will do it but every time I think about it, I trigger. I don't want to do it. All I ever wanted from life was to have a husband, to be loved and love back, to have a family....I'm starting to tear up again.
I wish I could take all my pain and give it to him.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

Hang in there, Apple. I'm right with you today. So angry I can't see straight. We will recover and be stronger on the back end of this. Someday, they will suffer for their wrongdoings. These wonderful Other People aren't what our spouses think. Someday, they may realize what they lost in the spouse that only wanted a family and loving spouse. If not, that is still their loss.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> I wish I could take all my pain and give it to him.


Well...there IS one way to cause him a little pain...

It's called exposure.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

turnera said:


> Well...there IS one way to cause him a little pain...
> 
> It's called exposure.


He has been exposed. Everyone knows. Friends, family, co-workers, everyone. He still did not care about a thing. It made no difference.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

You can still keep it up. "Oh, no, Ms hairdresser, I'm NOT with my husband any more. He cheated on me so I dumped him."


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

My ex husband has been texting me--one message last night and then one again today--and asking me how much I would sell the washer/dryer set I have sitting in my garage. Is it wrong that I ignore this? I know this is just a harmless question but I really dont feel like communicating with him more than needed.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> My ex husband has been texting me--one message last night and then one again today--and asking me how much I would sell the washer/dryer set I have sitting in my garage. Is it wrong that I ignore this? I know this is just a harmless question but I really dont feel like communicating with him more than needed.


Ignore him.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Just because someone contacts you - ANYone - doesn't mean you have to answer.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I havent responded but I know there will soon be a b!tch storm from him. He will yell at me and tell me how I am rude and selfish for not responding to him. He will want to know why I had to be such a b!tch for not saying anything because after all, it was just a question.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Apple it is not just a question its an attempt to make himself feel irresistable to women and you keep letting yourself be sucked in by him!! Everything he does is to keep up contact with you and to prevent you from moving on. You are still meeting his needs and you get less than nothing. Why can't you see that? 

His contacting you is purly selfish. It is all about keeping your focus on him. None of his contacts are just question trey are all manipulations of a narccissits.. He want to bask in the love of two women, the OW and you. It makes him feel like a stud, it keeps him from facing his feelings of his worthlessness and failure as a man. 

Let him deal with his demons and move on. Do what he did to you abandon him completely and finally and get on with your life. His worthlessness as a man is no reflection of your wonderful female nature and the gift you have to give. He is trying to offload his problems on you. If you move on to a successful relationship that will be proof of his failure if you don't he keeps the false feelings of being irresistible to woman. 

Give the kick in the aazzz that only you can give him. You are the only one who can deliver the message of what a failure he is. That is because you have qualities that a decent complete man would never turn away. You can help yourself and him by cutting off all contact with him and be happy to be rid of him. Please stop letting him define you, you turn it around and define him - tell him to get on with his life and leave you alone. Get a used washer and dryer from craigslist if he is so hardup. 

Once you begin to claim your power and see him for what he is you will feel so much better. But if you keep letting him pull you down he will feel good. You owe it to yourself to put a stop to this.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> I havent responded but I know there will soon be a b!tch storm from him. He will yell at me and tell me how I am rude and selfish for not responding to him. He will want to know why I had to be such a b!tch for not saying anything because after all, it was just a question.


 Is he your father? Is he your boss? 

No? Then you don't owe him anything.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Catherine, I have not responded to him but Oh, I can hear his voice ringing through my head. I can hear all his negatives coming at me--you're selfish, you're a b!tch, you're not worth it, you're stupid, you're nothing, it's all ringing through my head right now.
I dont know what he wants the washer and dryer for. I dont care either. They're mine and he can't have them.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Catherine, I have not responded to him but Oh, I can hear his voice ringing through my head. I can hear all his negatives coming at me--you're selfish, you're a b!tch, you're not worth it, you're stupid, you're nothing, it's all ringing through my head right now.
> I dont know what he wants the washer and dryer for. I dont care either. They're mine and he can't have them.


Simple text - not for sale? I don't know if u want to start anything.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Catherine, I have not responded to him but Oh, I can hear his voice ringing through my head. I can hear all his negatives coming at me--you're selfish, you're a b!tch, you're not worth it, you're stupid, you're nothing, it's all ringing through my head right now.
> I dont know what he wants the washer and dryer for. I dont care either. They're mine and he can't have them.


Apple please read my post and take it to heart. Do you realize that you are playing the victim? Why? What is it about your background that lets you place yourself into that role? Think about it and try to break the habit. That is probaby what got you into this relationship and if you don't fix it, your next relationship will be the same. Please get some help to sort it out. I'd hate to see this happen to you again.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Eli-Zor (Nov 14, 2010)

Go dark, you have no reason to talk to him other than the children or finances. 

I have suggest previously you create a schedule for your children that suits you and ensure it is approved by the court . If he can't keep to his side of the schedule that is his problem . Get out of the drama, it is causing mental anguish .

You will see once you go dark you will have more control of your own destiny. He chose not to be in your life give him his wish .
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Catherine, I have not responded to him but Oh, I can hear his voice ringing through my head. I can hear all his negatives coming at me--you're selfish, you're a b!tch, you're not worth it, you're stupid, you're nothing, it's all ringing through my head right now.
> I dont know what he wants the washer and dryer for. I dont care either. They're mine and he can't have them.


You don't have to answer to him why you don't want to sell your washer and dryer to him. They're yours and he no longer controls you.
I like Eli-Zor"s suggestion. Arrange an air-tight non-negotiable schedule for visitation using school as transition point and stop all contact. Get it written in about your son contacting him to make arrangements when he decides he wants to visit - then bam - no more negotiations. Your ex sounds a lot like mine. When he left, I got the house and all the crap. I had to haul stuff to the dump and I had a yard sale for other things. He whined that he wanted half of yard sale proceeds. I had to get my lawyer to send him letter that property settlement was signed and my property was mine to do with what I wished. 
You need help from geTting out from under his thumb. I've been there, I feel for you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## sam83 (Jul 23, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Catherine, I have not responded to him but Oh, I can hear his voice ringing through my head. I can hear all his negatives coming at me--you're selfish, you're a b!tch, you're not worth it, you're stupid, you're nothing, it's all ringing through my head right now.
> I dont know what he wants the washer and dryer for. I dont care either. They're mine and he can't have them.


and why exactly will u accept this attitude from him ??:scratchhead:

If it's over the phone hang the line every time he says something rude and let him know about this and if he do it personally call the cops and even get restraining order against him it's time to play dirty with this d-bag


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Catherine, I have not responded to him but Oh, I can hear his voice ringing through my head. I can hear all his negatives coming at me--you're selfish, you're a b!tch, you're not worth it, you're stupid, you're nothing, it's all ringing through my head right now.
> I dont know what he wants the washer and dryer for. I dont care either. They're mine and he can't have them.


 That voice belongs to a nasty, vindictive, man you never knew (or who hid himself well).

He doesn't DESERVE you.

Let your silence be your answer.

And take all that crap to your therapist so you can start to wash it out of your head.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I still have some of his things here-a box of books and a picture made by one of his relatives. Because he left them here, and I got everything in the house and on the property in the divorce, that stuff is now legally mine. He hasnt asked me for them yet. I don't think he has even thought of it yet but if he does, I will probably say no. Those are my books now. And that picture is mine as well. Even if it was made by one of his relatives, it's still mine now. I will pass it down to our daughter when she is older, but I'm not giving it to him.


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

Don't even bother to respond about a washer or a dryer and if he brings is it up then tell him they are not for sale and that is the end of that conversation. If he starts being a jerk, then just ignore him and tell him you will not take any disrespectful talk from him. If this occurs over the phone, then just hang up. If it is in person, just walk away.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

So tonight asshat texted me to ask if he could bring our daughter up to my work because she wanted to see me. I said no, I was busy. Well, when I left work, there on my driver's side window of my car, written with a dry erase marker were the words, "I love you" with hearts drawn around it. He said that our daughter wanted to leave me a message. Well, that's nice and all but she is 7 and she can write herself. This was in his miserable handwriting. WTF! I was so angry that I blared my Rob Zombie CD loud as I could all the way home.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Yeah, expect him to keep pushing your buttons. Have you ever read The Dance Of Anger? It talks about how, when you stop doing what everyone expects of you, being the Giver, the people who are used to you being that way will do what's called 'change back!' behavior. That means they want you to 'change back!' to the way you were before, when you made THEM happy and ignored your own needds. He's pushing all the buttons he can think of to get you back to that person.

Just keep reminding yourself what's important - everything else is irrelevant, ok?


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

turnera said:


> Yeah, expect him to keep pushing your buttons. Have you ever read The Dance Of Anger? It talks about how, when you stop doing what everyone expects of you, being the Giver, the people who are used to you being that way will do what's called 'change back!' behavior. That means they want you to 'change back!' to the way you were before, when you made THEM happy and ignored your own needds. He's pushing all the buttons he can think of to get you back to that person.
> 
> Just keep reminding yourself what's important - everything else is irrelevant, ok?


No, I have not heard of that book, but since I do work in a library, I will put my mad library skills to good use and get it. I'm furious at the nerve of him and then to use our daughter as his scapegoat. I'd like to shove a goat right up his.......!!!!
:banghead:


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

wait..I gotta update again. I think he was trying to butter me up about the washer and dryer. So, anyways, he brings our daughter home. He's standing in the doorway and asks to talk to me real quick. He asks me if I would sell the washer and dryer in the garage. I said "not for sale" I ended up with my own front door slammed in my face. Such a feeling of satisfaction not letting him have control over me anymore. Hope he likes this "Apple" now!


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

That was probably pretty hard for him to suck it up and ASK for something like that. A few more of those might do him some good. Who knows? Maybe he CAN learn and grow.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Are you done? 
If not, go out into the woods and scream your heart out, blare Rob Zombie, blare Papa Roach "Getting Away with Murder" as loud you can stand it. Get it out. Just get it out.
STOP engaging him, just stop. Why on Earth would the rarest gem in the world have contact with a paramecium? It doesn't happen in nature.
Let this maggot have his fat, ugly and acne ridden fry cook. If he wants a washer and dryer, tell him to buy his own.
Maybe he won't need one at all. It is well known that oil removes certain stains. She could just stand over his laundry and squeeze her pimples and viola, stain free clothing. She could pull her skin flaps away and fan his clothing to dry them. Hey, she's going green!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Are you done?
> If not, go out into the woods and scream your heart out, blare Rob Zombie, blare Papa Roach "Getting Away with Murder" as loud you can stand it. Get it out. Just get it out.*Burn by Papa Roach is my fav right now*
> STOP engaging him, just stop. *i dont engage him. He's coming to me, he's the one making contact. I ignore him and it's really been pissing him off.*Why on Earth would the rarest gem in the world have contact with a paramecium?  It doesn't happen in nature.
> Let this maggot have his fat, ugly and acne ridden fry cook.*He's got a new 22 yr old girlfriend now but I do think he's still seeing "just a friend" as well. Whatta winner.* If he wants a washer and dryer, tell him to buy his own.
> Maybe he won't need one at all. It is well known that oil removes certain stains. She could just stand over his laundry and squeeze her pimples and viola, stain free clothing. She could pull her skin flaps away and fan his clothing to dry them. Hey, she's going green!


 :rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

A cool name. An emotionally strong woman that takes no crap. AND you work at a library! 

Wow! Life just doesn't get any better than this!

May I ask? Do you wear those sultry librarian glasses too?

Lol.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

alphaomega said:


> A cool name. An emotionally strong woman that takes no crap. AND you work at a library!
> 
> Wow! Life just doesn't get any better than this!
> 
> ...


I have my picture on my profile but it's private so only my friends can see me. But yes, I do wear glasses, lol


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Ahhh. Life is grand.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Wait, what? Fat a$$ home fry didn't pan out? Color me shocked.
Awe, a 22 year old girlfriend? It's true love. I cannot wait (with my popcorn) to watch as he crashes and burns and realizes that every single thing in his life was undone by his own undoing. It will be a very sobering reality. 
Never met a single cheater in my life who said things were better after they left. They are to "proud" to ever admit it to their former spouse though.
Met PLENTY who have been cheated on who said "hot damn" and found the love of their new life and lived very, very happy lives. 
Find your rare jem, Apples.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Too bad we can't pair your ex-h with Shamwow's stbxw. They definitely would make a pretty pair - of sociopaths.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

My dad left so he could sow his wild oats. First thing he did was get a vasectomy. meh

Came back awhile later, begging to be let back in and my mom told him to take a flying leap. He ended up marrying the meanest, nastiest, coldest biotch who ever walked on this planet. Just desserts.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

I hope Asshat someday marries someone who will cheat with everything in sight. Yeah, he would still cheat himself but the thing is, he can dish it out, but he cant take it. With him, it's all do as I say not as I do.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Oh I have no doubt about that happening to your ex-h Apple. I've seen it happen with the ex-wives of two of my closest friends. Their wives left them for their POS OM and then their OM left them for other women. The karma bus never fails to show up when you least expect it.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Wait, what? Fat a$$ home fry didn't pan out? Color me shocked.
> Awe, a 22 year old girlfriend? It's true love. I cannot wait (with my popcorn) to watch as he crashes and burns and realizes that every single thing in his life was undone by his own undoing. It will be a very sobering reality.
> Never met a single cheater in my life who said things were better after they left. They are to "proud" to ever admit it to their former spouse though.
> Met PLENTY who have been cheated on who said "hot damn" and found the love of their new life and lived very, very happy lives.
> Find your rare jem, Apples.


Asshat dumped fatass when fatass cheated on him...yeah. Even though asshat knew that fatass was already involved with someone when he got involved with her, not to mention that asshat himself was also involved with someone (uh, like his wife, me!) Asshat thinks he has special rights to whatever the heck he wants. Asshat expected that fatass simply dump her dumbass BF to be with him but fatass did not dump dumbass, instead fatass was bumping uglies with both asshat and dumbass. Dumbass knew about asshat but still stood by fatass while fatass lied to asshat about dumbass until one day dumbass told asshat that he and fatsss were still mattress bouncing together, so asshat had a hissy fit, because how DARE fatass cheat on him, so he dumped her.....now asshat has himself a new shiney new poorass to play with. Poorass is just 22 yrs old, and I call her poorass because I feel sorry for her poor ass. Poorass has no idea what she is getting herself into with asshat. But I do believe that asshat and fatass are still involved in someway though because asshat and fatass always hang out together when asshat is in town. So poor poorass thinks that asshat is picking up his kids to go to the park but all the while, asshat is meeting up with fatass and I bet you that poorass has no clue. Poor little poorass.

Ass is such a fun word. I love words that are fun.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

AppleDucklings said:


> Asshat dumped fatass when fatass cheated on him...yeah. Even though asshat knew that fatass was already involved with someone when he got involved with her, not to mention that asshat himself was also involved with someone (uh, like his wife, me!) Asshat thinks he has special rights to whatever the heck he wants. Asshat expected that fatass simply dump her dumbass BF to be with him but fatass did not dump dumbass, instead fatass was bumping uglies with both asshat and dumbass. Dumbass knew about asshat but still stood by fatass while fatass lied to asshat about dumbass until one day dumbass told asshat that he and fatsss were still mattress bouncing together, so asshat had a hissy fit, because how DARE fatass cheat on him, so he dumped her.....now asshat has himself a new shiney new poorass to play with. Poorass is just 22 yrs old, and I call her poorass because I feel sorry for her poor ass. Poorass has no idea what she is getting herself into with asshat. But I do believe that asshat and fatass are still involved in someway though because asshat and fatass always hang out together when asshat is in town. So poor poorass thinks that asshat is picking up his kids to go to the park but all the while, asshat is meeting up with fatass and I bet you that poorass has no clue. Poor little poorass.
> 
> Ass is such a fun word. I love words that are fun.


It's fun to read too!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> It's fun to read too!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

AppleDucklings said:


> Asshat dumped fatass when fatass cheated on him...yeah. Even though asshat knew that fatass was already involved with someone when he got involved with her, not to mention that asshat himself was also involved with someone (uh, like his wife, me!) Asshat thinks he has special rights to whatever the heck he wants. Asshat expected that fatass simply dump her dumbass BF to be with him but fatass did not dump dumbass, instead fatass was bumping uglies with both asshat and dumbass. Dumbass knew about asshat but still stood by fatass while fatass lied to asshat about dumbass until one day dumbass told asshat that he and fatsss were still mattress bouncing together, so asshat had a hissy fit, because how DARE fatass cheat on him, so he dumped her.....now asshat has himself a new shiney new poorass to play with. Poorass is just 22 yrs old, and I call her poorass because I feel sorry for her poor ass. Poorass has no idea what she is getting herself into with asshat. But I do believe that asshat and fatass are still involved in someway though because asshat and fatass always hang out together when asshat is in town. So poor poorass thinks that asshat is picking up his kids to go to the park but all the while, asshat is meeting up with fatass and I bet you that poorass has no clue. Poor little poorass.
> 
> Ass is such a fun word. I love words that are fun.


:rofl::lol::rofl::lol:

You just made my day. Thanks Apple.


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## Saffron (Mar 7, 2010)

LOL, excellent post AppleDucklings! Ass is a great word and makes for some good storytelling. After reading these forums I see first hand that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. Crazyass people.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Saffron said:


> LOL, excellent post AppleDucklings! Ass is a great word and makes for some good storytelling. After reading these forums I see first hand that sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. Crazyass people.


Yes indeedy, there are some very crazyass people out there. And since I learned to stand up for myself, my betteroffass is much happier without all the cheatingasses around me.


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## HurtinginTN (Feb 22, 2011)

All this talk is making a separated man hungry for a piece of , um, :rofl:

Hilarious post, apple.

Maybe you could arrange for poorass to happen to meet asshat while he is with fatass. You could probably sell tickets. It wouldn't be hard for you to figure out a time they would be together. Prepaid phone text poorass posing as asshat. Meet me at _______. Sit back and enjoy the fireworks.


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## Catherine602 (Oct 14, 2010)

Apple I am not worried. You're good - if you can keep all those s**tasses strait without getting mucked up then you're more than good.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## notreadytoquit (Jan 11, 2010)

HurtinginTN said:


> All this talk is making a separated man hungry for a piece of , um, :rofl:
> 
> Hilarious post, apple.
> 
> Maybe you could arrange for poorass to happen to meet asshat while he is with fatass. You could probably sell tickets. It wouldn't be hard for you to figure out a time they would be together. Prepaid phone text poorass posing as asshat. Meet me at _______. Sit back and enjoy the fireworks.


Or call Jerry Springer. He made a living out of s**ta$$e$


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Bringing this thread back up rather than starting a new one. I had an ex husband issue tonight. He stole from me. He took my belongings from my house while I was not home. Here's what happened. He had picked our daughter up for a visit but was bringing her home early. I said I would be gone but that she could stay with her 16 yr old brother until I got home. I have a night class I take on Wed nights. So when I got to my school and parked my car, I checked my phone. I had a text from him saying saying he was grabbing his books. Now, these are no longer his books. These are my books. In the divorce, everything in the house became mine. This included a box of books that was in the house at the time of the finalization. What he did was he had the kids bring out to him the box of books. Then he left with it. I called him and I said to him that if he did not return MY books immediently that I would call theft charges against him. He then actually told me that he was appalled at my behavior. LOLOLOL The man who cheats on me and lies to me and abused me, is appalled at me, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. 
He did return the books back to my house. I'm still going to file a police report though, just so it is on record, if he should ever try this sh*t again. 
The Apple he used to cheat on, and degrade is gone. The Apple he used to lie to and walk all over is gone. The Apple who used to be so scared of him is gone. This Apple has put on her B*itch pants and is taking no more of his sh*t. 
Let's see how he likes this Apple now.


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

I love that story. Too bad you couldn't have seen the look on his face when he realized he can no longer do whatever he wants where you are concerned.


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

loveiswhereiamnot said:


> I love that story. Too bad you couldn't have seen the look on his face when he realized he can no longer do whatever he wants where you are concerned.


Ha! Me too. Of course, he will make me out to be the crazy b*itch of an ex wife and him the poor widdle victim but I don't care. It feels good being able to stand up for myself and to put him in his place.


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## loveiswhereiamnot (Jul 8, 2011)

I've grown really happy with my new role of crazy b*tch of an ex-wife. It's way more entertaining and freeing than being doormat of a wife to a cheater.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Yay good news story. I'm glad you did that. I don't care if you throw those books away, there is a boundary he crossed!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

loveiswhereiamnot said:


> I've grown really happy with my new role of crazy b*tch of an ex-wife. It's way more entertaining and freeing than being doormat of a wife to a cheater.


You are so right! I used to believe that being a doormat meant he would "see" how much I loved him. Wow, I am so glad I no longer think that way! Being the crazy b*itch of an ex wife is not only fun but gives you great confidence boost as well


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## Shooboomafoo (Mar 30, 2011)

From what I have read of your posts, and never having seen you face to face, I feel like I can tell you are a pretty awesome person, with the right kind of thought processes and considerations for priorities towards a relationship that is going to require one heck of an awesome guy to be worthy of.


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## oaksthorne (Mar 4, 2011)

HurtinginTN said:


> All this talk is making a separated man hungry for a piece of , um, :rofl:
> 
> Hilarious post, apple.
> 
> Maybe you could arrange for poorass to happen to meet asshat while he is with fatass. You could probably sell tickets. It wouldn't be hard for you to figure out a time they would be together. Prepaid phone text poorass posing as asshat. Meet me at _______. Sit back and enjoy the fireworks.


:rofl:

Hurting,

You have a devious and brilliant mind!


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## AppleDucklings (Mar 27, 2011)

Shooboomafoo said:


> From what I have read of your posts, and never having seen you face to face, I feel like I can tell you are a pretty awesome person, with the right kind of thought processes and considerations for priorities towards a relationship that is going to require one heck of an awesome guy to be worthy of.


Thank you, Shoo. I have gone from being a complete doormat to someone who is not afraid to stand up for herself. It feels really good having that confidence. And I hope that heck of an awesome guy doesn't take too long to find me


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

Your son is 14, he can make the decision to see his dad or not. Your exh has no one to blame but himself..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

He is still the same idiot a$hole he always was, Apple.

He has a lot of nerve sending the kids to do his deeds.

I am happy for you--you've come a lon way. I remember your initial posts. It's like a totally different person now.

I bet your ex won't try that BS again. GOOD FOR YOU


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