# She's Dead



## DDGresham1 (Dec 15, 2012)

A friend of mine said that I had to look at it as though the woman I married was dead and gone and that this was a new woman that I didn't know really. The youthful enthusiasm of my wife is gone. Her attitude toward me has changed. I am no longer her hero. I am the angry and negative person that she learned about over the 13 years of our relationship and 11 years of marriage. I am not sorry because I am alone and hurting. I deserve that. I am sorry that I hurt that dear, sweet person that I married. I am sorry that I was so difficult that I changed her very personality and outlook on life. She has move on but I still worry about her and want to be certain she is safe so many miles away in her home state. I think of what our little girl would have looked like had we been able to have children. I can see her cute, smiling face echoing her mothers same girlish face. I can see her spirit for life like her mother would have had. I can see us opening Christmas presents and celebrating birthdays. Those days never happened. The wife I had is dead. I am too old to start over. I don't want to start over, even if I could. I love her so dearly but she is gone and there is nothing that I can do.


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## staystrong (Sep 15, 2012)

I'm sorry you are hurting this bad. It sounds like you are still in shock. 

I assume she's a WAW (walk away wife). 

It sounds like that she told you she's leaving because of how you've wronged her. Maybe you haven't been a perfect husband, none of us are. But hold on.. it's not all on you. Did she communicate her needs to you? Did you she tell you of her problems in a way you could understand? 

Be careful not to blame yourself too much. I've been there, I know. There are many things I would have done different but my wife failed to communicate in a healthy way.


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## ReGroup (Dec 6, 2012)

Don't be too hard on yourself. She bares sole responsibility of her happiness as do you. You have plenty of time to dust yourself off your feet and live the life that you want to live. What ever her perception is of you - does not define who you are. Take this time to catch your breath and create a better life for yourself. You are never too old. Don't give me that BS. A better life awaits you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Orpheus (Jul 6, 2012)

The dead thing helps to create distance. My version of that is : she's not the person that you think she is. It puts the responsibility on you for the illusions you suffered rather than creating a fantasy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## DDGresham1 (Dec 15, 2012)

StayStrong,

She communicated over the years. At first she didn't explain things well and then I understood some of it a few years later. Things in that area got a bit better, at least I thought they had. She still wasn't happy and I knew I still needed to work on it but it was difficult because she had put on so much weight while she was addicted to pills (bedroom issues of connection and me stimulating her enough before hand). The other issues of my anger and my negativity were addressed a few times and I learned to get noticably better over the years. However, looking back, I can see how they were still a fairly big issue. Honestly, toward the end there had been so many issues (infidelity, porn, negativity, anger on my part and addiction, laziness and weight gain on her part) and we had fought for so many years that I can see why she gave up. For me I just thought it was the fog of post addiction and that she would lose the weight (or at least some of it) and that she would start really pursuing a job and then we would be fine again. I remember our last fights driving around on my lunch break and one more later that day or the next at home...they weren't pretty. I was tired of her not pursuing lower level jobs (the better jobs weren't hiring her) and told her to "get the F out if she didn't want to be here." I later apologized and said there was no reason for that behavior. She smiled and said it was ok. Soon after she said she wanted to visit her parents and that she thought she might take one of our dogs and just go by herself...or maybe I suggested it...can't remember. I knew we needed a break. She called later to say she wasn't coming back. I begged her to reconsider and went to where she was 3 states away and stayed for 2 weeks in a hotel visiting her and applying for jobs. I came back home when I didn't get one and we agreed that I would work on my issues and that once she got a full time job I would come up, live with her and look for a job again. She finally sent me a letter a few days ago saying that it was absolutely over...I got a call today from one of the companies that passed on me when I was up there and they wanted me back to interview with the VP...go figure.


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