# Who all contacted the OW?



## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

It's been almost four years since my WS ended his "friendship" with his coworker. Or more, she ended it and he still can't tell me why. They still work for the same company, but different locations. Although, they worked together for quite some time after. I sometimes think I'm gonna send her a message on FB and ask why she quit talking to my WS, but then I think it will do nothing but cause more of a mess. Especially with his work, which he's already made some financial mistakes as of recently and we're struggling. Still, she holds the key, doesn't she? He still claims the friendship wasn't appropriate, but didn't fall into the EA category... I think it was an EA and maybe even a PA. I already know he's capable of cheating per his ONS years ago. Thoughts? Who contacted the OW and what did it get you? She never was nice to me, but then again everyone tells me she's not a very nice person, including WS himself! :scratchhead:


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

I did...via email the moment I hacked into his secret email account. I forwarded a message she sent to him saying she couldn't wait to move over here and spend the rest of her life with him...(he met her while working in Singapore and she wanted to come to Canada for a better life).

So I sent her an email that said..this is his wife if you think you are going to come here and live happily ever after you are wrong. (I didn't know it at the time but he had lied to her and told her he was separated).

It worked in my favor as she basically called him a liar and told him where to go...all contact gone from that moment. So she had enough morals to back off and leave him alone...thank god!!!! My anger has never been directed at her because she was lied to but toward him only.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

I did. On more than one occasion.

I met up with her twice after finding out that H was still in contact with her. We shared alot of information with each other and found out quite a bit of lies he was telling us both. 

I called her multiple times which led to discovering other lies H told me. 

I am a very confrontational person and have no 2nd thoughts or remorse about contacting OW. Of course, this was all during the heat of the affair and DDay.

I have texted her snide things here and there over the years. Like Merry Christmas and also telling her to never email my husband again when she was "fishing" a year after NC.....probably not right but I wanted her to know that I was still around and to not even think of messing with our marriage again...


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

She has heard from me and the fat lady has yet to sing.

How did it work out. Well she didnt stop but she backed off significantly. I mean significantly. Enough for me to get thru to him in the mean time. So I kinda took the two pronged approach. I guess we'll see if it works out in the end. But I knew I had to stop her as much as I had to stop him.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> It's been almost four years since my WS ended his "friendship" with his coworker. Or more, she ended it and he still can't tell me why. They still work for the same company, but different locations. Although, they worked together for quite some time after. I sometimes think I'm gonna send her a message on FB and ask why she quit talking to my WS, but then I think it will do nothing but cause more of a mess. Especially with his work, which he's already made some financial mistakes as of recently and we're struggling. Still, she holds the key, doesn't she? He still claims the friendship wasn't appropriate, but didn't fall into the EA category... I think it was an EA and maybe even a PA. I already know he's capable of cheating per his ONS years ago. Thoughts? Who contacted the OW and what did it get you? She never was nice to me, but then again everyone tells me she's not a very nice person, including WS himself! :scratchhead:


yeah, my H called his EA plutonic just recently. UMMM, do you know what The 'E' in EA stands for ? And if youre hiding it from your spouse....not plutonic. I love being played a fool. I think it was about semantics. As in it wasnt a PA. So he could *****-foot around with calling it a friendship. No-hide it from your wife-EA.


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## DawnD (Sep 23, 2009)

The OW, myself, her H and my H all sat down and skyped together. I wanted answers and I wanted to get rid of any and all doubts. Honestly, her H and I had it easy. Both of them had to come clean about all things, and started busting out one another, so we got all the info we needed from that. I think that has contributed to my ability to reconcile with my H. 

I know it is frowned upon by most here, but it also didn't hurt that we got to see them find out who their AP REALLY was. When he found out she was mad her H was fixing to be without a paycheck, she went hunting. And when she came out with that it crushed my H. He thought he could "always" see what women were after, but he didn't get it with her. Then she got the painful truth that he was suffering from PTSD, and I was actually....wait for it......physically fit and attractive. He convinced her I was some cow that did nothing but eat bon bons all day. When she saw me on the screen her jaw was on the floor.


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## sunshinetoday (Mar 7, 2012)

I did too. The night of Dday. called her right up and asked why she thought it was ok to run around with a married man? She said, aren't you getting a divorce? "A divorce!?" I said "where do you think he sleeps every night? Home here with me! Where do you think he lives? Do you even know his home number?" (she didn't) She called me some names and hung up. BTW my H threw her under the bus on Dday. Then over a year later she came a fishing. I texted her some choice words, she replied saying her phone got hacked (LOL) and she never sent the "fish" Yeah, right. She never contacted again. It's been 4 years.

_-- Sent from my Palm Pixi using Forums_


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

A little different than an OW in my case. We can call her a potential OW. I wrote to her on FB and never heard back from her.

Oh, and I told my H this at the time, about what I would do if there were EVER anymore contact:

"And don't you think for one phucking minute that I won't get on a plane and fly across the country and show up on her doorstep just to see the look on her ugly face."

And I'd do it in a heartbeat. I'd be gone within the hour of discovery. God, I love the internet. Such a handy thing for getting all kinds of info, like where people live, where they work, where they hang out...don't forget maps to all of those places, too! Names of family members...friends....co-workers...

The look in my husband's eye told me that he knows I am NOT. JOKING.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> yeah, my H called his EA plutonic just recently. UMMM, do you know what The 'E' in EA stands for ? And if youre hiding it from your spouse....not plutonic. I love being played a fool. I think it was about semantics. As in it wasnt a PA. So he could *****-foot around with calling it a friendship. No-hide it from your wife-EA.


Some people have no concept of the emotional affair until it happens to them. I didn't until it happened to me. Before my marriage, I was suckered into one of these 'friendships' by a former colleague. I was single. He was not.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> A little different than an OW in my case. We can call her a potential OW. I wrote to her on FB and never heard back from her.
> 
> Oh, and I told my H this at the time, about what I would do if there were EVER anymore contact:
> 
> ...


Yep. I know as much about my H's AP as he does. Maybe more. I know where she lives, her neighbors names, her parents names and address, her H's email and work phone #. Its all just waiting for the right time.....


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Some people have no concept of the emotional affair until it happens to them. I didn't until it happened to me. Before my marriage, I was suckered into one of these 'friendships' by a former colleague. I was single. He was not.


Oh he knew, he was hoping I didnt.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Some people have no concept of the emotional affair until it happens to them. I didn't until it happened to me. Before my marriage, I was suckered into one of these 'friendships' by a former colleague. I was single. He was not.


Its funny how the word "friend" is always used when caught. 

H said that to me on Dday...she is just a "friend". So a friend is what she was thinking when she emailed him and told him she will love him forever and I can't wait until I can move and live with you forever....sounds like a "friend" to me...I guess just a really good "friend".


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

canttrustu said:


> Oh he knew, he was hoping I didnt.


Well my husband actually had one (on wife no. 1) and had no idea that it was even an affair because as he said, there was no sex. Ages later, I found out that they had kissed. So, it still wasn't an affair, I asked him...? He just looked at me...he must hate that I challenge him so much in life.


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## Poppy (Mar 14, 2012)

OMG Highwood....I wonder whether you are who I think you are, but I dont know how to contact you separately.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

highwood said:


> Its funny how the word "friend" is always used when caught.
> 
> H said that to me on Dday...she is just a "friend". So a friend is what she was thinking when she emailed him and told him she will love him forever and I can't wait until I can move and live with you forever....sounds like a "friend" to me...I guess just a really good "friend".


thats what I told my H. you dont hide a 'friends' email or texts. you dont lie to spend time with a 'friend'. You dont hide emotion that you have for a 'friend' and you dont put the 'friend' above your wife. EVER! I hate that word. Friend. What a joke.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

It is all BS that "friend' crap. I have said to him over and over how would you like it if I did that to you? He never answers because he and I both know it would bug the **** out of him if I did what he did to me.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

Hurtingbadly- so are you now reconciling with your H and he still isn't accepting that he had any kind of A? He needs to accept full responsibility for his actions and admit to what he has done in order for you to move on. No wonder you are still hurting after so long. I really feel for you. X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Poppy, I just sent you a private message.


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## Poppy (Mar 14, 2012)

I contacted her as I had her email address and I asked her how she knew my husband. I also used her email address to find her on facebook. Wish I didnt......she is 10 years younger than me and a tiny, pretty Indonesian he was in a relationship with for a year when we lived in Singapore...she was living in Hong Kong and that is where they met up several times a month. She told me he paid for her to go to Singapore when I was away with the kids in the summer and then he paid for her to go to Bali. I wish I knew nothing about her. She told me more truths than he did...maybe stuff I wish now I didnt know.....I now have images of her sitting where I sat in my car...then same car he picked his kids and me up from the airport in 2 days after she left. My advice is do not contact them...do not let them into your life....do not give them a chance to make you feel bad about yourself...do not give them power.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

daisygirl 41 said:


> Hurtingbadly- so are you now reconciling with your H and he still isn't accepting that he had any kind of A? He needs to accept full responsibility for his actions and admit to what he has done in order for you to move on. No wonder you are still hurting after so long. I really feel for you. X
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


He says his ONS nine years ago was only a BJ (found out six months ago), he says his "friendship" with his coworker wasn't appropriate, but he never touched her or loved her. He says she was never a threat to us. Yet, he called her his best friend and claims I was above that cause I was his wife. So whatever you want to make of that... :scratchhead: I don't feel secure in what I've been told, I still have doubts and it stinks.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Poppy said:


> I contacted her as I had her email address and I asked her how she knew my husband. I also used her email address to find her on facebook. Wish I didnt......she is 10 years younger than me and a tiny, pretty Indonesian he was in a relationship with for a year when we lived in Singapore...she was living in Hong Kong and that is where they met up several times a month. She told me he paid for her to go to Singapore when I was away with the kids in the summer and then he paid for her to go to Bali. I wish I knew nothing about her. She told me more truths than he did...maybe stuff I wish now I didnt know.....I now have images of her sitting where I sat in my car...then same car he picked his kids and me up from the airport in 2 days after she left. My advice is do not contact them...do not let them into your life....do not give them a chance to make you feel bad about yourself...do not give them power.


Ya, I know the ONS was about twelve years younger than me and a model they used for work. How much does that stink?!? The EA girl is about ten years younger and a skeleton, nothing like me. Still, it eats at me what I don't know. Course, what I do know replays in my head over and over so I guess it's a no win situation.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

That's just it? Why know? Why want to find out? It's truly lose-lose in these cases.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

But, am I cursed for life wondering what really happened? I feel that way. :scratchhead:

I guess I just don't want to still be being played a fool.


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## Poppy (Mar 14, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> But, am I cursed for life wondering what really happened? I feel that way. :scratchhead:
> 
> I guess I just don't want to still be being played a fool.


You are not a fool....you never were and do not give her the benefit of thinking she has information you desire. I am a srong believer that everything comes out eventually...do not turn to her. It is sooo tempting..I even have her phone number but I know I do not want to hear her voice. They are NOTHING!! Do not give her the time of day...you need no more information...you will never get everything anyway. What you do get just hurts and hurts and adds to the mind movies. My heart aches for you...I have been where you are.


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> He says his ONS nine years ago was only a BJ (found out six months ago), he says his "friendship" with his coworker wasn't appropriate, but he never touched her or loved her. He says she was never a threat to us. Yet, he called her his best friend and claims I was above that cause I was his wife. So whatever you want to make of that... :scratchhead: I don't feel secure in what I've been told, I still have doubts and it stinks.


My H calls it 'inappropriate' too. and she was never a threat. Um, sure she was. Maybe he never planned to leave me over her but theres more than one way to threaten a marriage. What about the sanctity of it? What about the exclusivity of it? What about the 'forsaking' all others part of your vows that you violated w/her? That is a threat. Its just all so ridiculous. Again I wish I had two wishes....

1) for this agony I feel to be gone

2) for this agony I feel...for him to feel just for a day.


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## daisygirl 41 (Aug 5, 2011)

hurtingbadly said:


> He says his ONS nine years ago was only a BJ (found out six months ago), he says his "friendship" with his coworker wasn't appropriate, but he never touched her or loved her. He says she was never a threat to us. Yet, he called her his best friend and claims I was above that cause I was his wife. So whatever you want to make of that... :scratchhead: I don't feel secure in what I've been told, I still have doubts and it stinks.


I bet it does honey. Yknow as BSs I doubt whether any of us will ever get the whole truth, and really, do we want it? I don't know but it does sound like you haven't had enough disclosure from your H to give you peace of mind. I really don't know what to suggest to you but I suppose your H needs to be honest with himself before he can be honest with you. Maybe hes just afraid of hurting you but from my experience the truth is a lot easier to deal with than the lies and denial
X
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

hurtingbadly said:


> Ya, I know the ONS was about twelve years younger than me and a model they used for work. How much does that stink?!? The EA girl is about ten years younger and a skeleton, nothing like me. Still, it eats at me what I don't know. Course, what I do know replays in my head over and over so I guess it's a no win situation.


she may be those things sweetie but she's also a homewrecking sl*t. And He's your H so what, in the end, does SHE have?
Try not to torture yourself with the comparisons. I'll bet she's got more skeletons than a graveyard.


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## LeighRichwood (Mar 31, 2012)

I called OW when I found her number in my H's phone bill. I regret it even now. I asked why she was talking to my H on the phone every day. She told me I should ask him about it. Then she laughed. It's a sound I will probably never forget. The call didn't do anything to stop their affair, or even slow it down. It was a waste of my time and energy. I wish I'd never done it.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Yep, and her hubby too!
Why not, H had no problem contacting her, and since we were in an intimate relationship and marriage, what's his is mine. lol
ps I'm divorced now, no idea about her.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I contacted the OW directly once. My bf finally came clean that he was fooling around with another woman but just as friends. He wanted to prove to me that that they had split the cost of their trip and forwarded me the receipt for flights that had her name and e-mail address on it. At one time, one's e-mail address could pull up a lot info on them by googling, so I was able to find her on several social media sites.

My bf tried to soothe the situation by sending me confirmation for cinema tickets along with telling me that well, she has bf too. I wasn't sure what to believe at that point. Maybe he was playing her, so I forwarded the cinema tickets to her, with him cc'd and wrote "Maybe you and your bf can make use of these."

I've now seen the text messages between him and her about the e-mail. She remarked that while she is 21 years younger than I, she never do something like that. Right, like asking about our sex life is a mature thing to do. I did see that my bf defended me by saying "she's much nicer in person."

I don't regret doing that at all. Not then and still not now.


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## frazaled (Jan 20, 2012)

I did but only threw facebook as the OW was one of my good friends and while I never want to see or here her voice again I needed to tell her exactly what I thought of her.

I really don't know that it helped but I needed to do it.

And when she came fishing around his facebook again just 2 days ago I let her have it.

Her answer to me was I don't care if he is taken "soccer has a goaly but you can still score" some piece of work she is.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

frazaled said:


> I did but only threw facebook *as the OW was one of my good friends *and while I never want to see or here her voice again I needed to tell her exactly what I thought of her.
> 
> I really don't know that it helped but I needed to do it.
> 
> ...


Now that you have the benefit of hindsight, did she ever say or do anything that makes you think, yeah I should have known.

A woman in my book club who was on her second marriage mentioned that her first husband had had an affair with her best friend. She said now in hindsight, her friend who also felt as if she were "another daughter" of this woman's mother, made the seemingly offhand remark "I would never have an affair with your husband because I would be upset as to what your mother would think."


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Yes, 4 times.

Once on a secret email account I discovered after DD#1 that I changed passwords on and monitored. She sent a fishing email 5 mos. after DD#1. I told her to never contact my WS again. little did I know they had already resumed contact many months before.

After DD#2: 
--sent her a message via facebook telling her she would not win and that she didn't know my WS as well as she thought

--obtained her email address from my WS and sent her an email, copied to my husband's work email address, telling her I would expose her to her husband, her own family, and all 95 of her facebook friends if she ever dared contact my husband again. I wasn't aware of TAM at this point. She is a very private person, however, and I know that thought terrifies her.

The final time of contact was an hour-long face-to-face meeting with her that is quite a story. I drove to her grad school almost in a trance without even knowing what she looked like. By complete chance she was just inside the first building I entered--I knew what race she was and stared at her on the theory that if it wasn't her, she'd just ask me why I was staring. Turned out it was her.

Again, this was pre-TAM...I told her I would tell her husband if she ever even thought about resuming contact. I also deliberately planted a lot of ideas with her, for example, I told that I often asked my husband if they were in contact, and that he lied to me so frighteningly well. It had the effect I wanted, because she has no desire to break up her marriage--she is a classic cake-eater herself. She has a handful of cousins and a brother that she's close to, as well as an aunt and uncle who raised her. Based on their life philosophies via facebook, they would all be appalled at her behavior.

But looking back, that whole situation could have easily gone south. It was all based on my husband's descriptions of her personality--shy and private and quiet and easily embarrassed. NOT your typical AP, and it could have easily backfired.


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## frazaled (Jan 20, 2012)

NextTimeAround said:


> Now that you have the benefit of hindsight, did she ever say or do anything that makes you think, yeah I should have known.
> 
> A woman in my book club who was on her second marriage mentioned that her first husband had had an affair with her best friend. She said now in hindsight, her friend who also felt as if she were "another daughter" of this woman's mother, made the seemingly offhand remark "I would never have an affair with your husband because I would be upset as to what your mother would think."





Yes defiantly told me she would never get involved with a married man as her exhusband cheated on her .

I sent my hubby there regularly to do all her fix it jobs she needed a man to do and fell right into her trap.

Turns out she thought my marriage was great and wanted it...well it obviously wasnt that great because he went were he never should have.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

daisygirl 41 said:


> I bet it does honey. Yknow as BSs I doubt whether any of us will ever get the whole truth, and really, do we want it? I don't know but it does sound like you haven't had enough disclosure from your H to give you peace of mind. I really don't know what to suggest to you but I suppose your H needs to be honest with himself before he can be honest with you. Maybe hes just afraid of hurting you but from my experience the truth is a lot easier to deal with than the lies and denial
> X
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


You hit the nail on the head. I don't have enough closure to really begin to move on. I feel stuck. How do you move on and really begin R when you have such incredible doubts on what you've been told? I could list things a mile long that seem off and he still denies anything with coworker, only admits to the ONS years before.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

LeighRichwood said:


> I called OW when I found her number in my H's phone bill. I regret it even now. I asked why she was talking to my H on the phone every day. She told me I should ask him about it. Then she laughed. It's a sound I will probably never forget. The call didn't do anything to stop their affair, or even slow it down. It was a waste of my time and energy. I wish I'd never done it.


She laughed?!? It is amazing how many cruel people are out in this world. What kind of person is she?!? I hope she gets her due.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

The OW laughed at me too...and she was very cruel...still is....


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## LuvMyH (Nov 11, 2009)

vi_bride04 said:


> The OW laughed at me too...and she was very cruel...still is....


I know all about that, too. That's why you shouldn't look to the ow for closure, hurtingbadly. You are of no concern to her or she may even want to hurt you more. She will be of no help to you. If you are reconciling, just keep her out of it. She's intruded upon your life enough- as hard as it is, just leave her alone.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Mrs1980 (May 6, 2011)

I texted the skank my h flirted with at work.

Part of me felt liberated b/c I wanted her to know that I knew what was going on (pix, texts, ect)

But don't go into thinking it's going to be some dam burst of info. I got "i don't know what you're talking about and I don't date men I work with" (i guess that means she's ok with married men as long as they don't work with her ha lol)

My h had to apologize to her the next day so he could avoid her going to hr and accusing me of harassing her.

The texts at 7pm on Friday night stopped though. I think it made my h, her and his other co workers realize that I meant business. ( I had a couple insults that let her know I knew about certain incidents but kept it pretty tame).


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

I posted this on another similar thread:

I contacted the other woman. I went because I needed the answer to a question I didn't believe my man was being honest about. So although I wanted to punch her (she knew he was with me when they had seen each other, but according to him it had finished 1 year earlier. That was the question. If the final time really was that long ago) I had to be pleasant and nice so that she would talk to me and give me my answers. After her initial shock and attempt at being a bit*h, I had a cup of tea with her and chatted for about 20 mins. It was interesting. I would still like to punch her lights out. Now I don't need info from her I have no need to be pleasant. So I fantasise about bumping into her at a pub, buying some brown ale, and pouring it carefully over her head.

That thread was more in connection to the 'violent thoughts to OM/OW' thread. Like you, my man said she was not a nice person, his family said the same. That I would get nothing from her. The only person who would get anything from it would be her. And that would be a satisfaction at her causing problems between me and my man. A 'one-upmanship' so to speak. I don't think I got a lot from it. I wish I had discovered this site before I went and so was more clued up to what to ask and how. I think I may have fed her (slightly) the answers I wanted somewhat. I am pleased I went in one way. It answered some stuff. But it also left me with more questions. I think overall it wasn't worth it. Neither worth it or not worth it. Someone who does the kind of thing she did is not going to be honest and decent. Not as a rule anyway. More an exception. She owes me nothing and has loyalty, if any, to him. Going to see her, I had no expectations whatsoever, didn't expect to get anything from her. I don't believe all she said to me. I don't regret going to c her though. 

If you can handle any laughing in your in your face like previous posters, or to get nothing at all, or to get lies, or even some very unpleasant truth, then go. It will tie up that loose end. But it will most likely cause you more problems. It may solve some.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

Everyone tells me she is weird and not a very nice person. I don't know what his fascination was. Something went down between them and I guess I'll never know. I do know she quit talking to him suddenly, it was after we had gotten back from a family vacation with our kids. He tells me he doesn't know why, he just went back to work and she was ignoring him. After about a week, he gave up trying to find out why. I remember he was very depressed. I have a haunting memory of him sitting in the kitchen staring out the window. It was at that time he says he realized it wasn't appropriate, he shouldn't have cared so much. He says he thought she was a confidant and friend at work and he did things for her he shouldn't have. That she burned him. WTH happened?!? And ya, he tells me she wouldn't care if she knew what hell this was causing us and our family. She got married during all this mess (since divorced), WS actually wanted to go out of town for her wedding and I got mad cause I told him he wouldn't know anyone there and it was his daughter's tenth birthday. He was more interested in her than us. Course, he doesn't remember this. My problem is I found out about the HPV right around this time, he still swears it came from his ONS and not from her. I don't know if he's denying it cause he thinks it will hurt me more, or what?!? :scratchhead:


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I always fantasise being able to say either: 

"You are a tub of lard."

Or 
"I saw that you advised my boyfriend to drop me because, according to you, we weren't having sex often enough."


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

I called OM, no answer. I emailed OM, got no reply.


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## hurtingbadly (Sep 14, 2011)

I just had this horrible realization. WS's coworker kinda won in a way. I mean, she ended it. If she hadn't he would have kept on with whatever was going on between them. It's not like he realized on his own what he was doing to us and ended it on his own. If he's telling me any truth, he realized when she quit talking to him it wasn't right cause he shouldn't have gotten depressed over it. So, she probably does find it funny and has some ego thing over me.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

vi_bride04 said:


> The OW laughed at me too...and she was very cruel...still is....


And if the OW stopped and really THOUGHT about what she was laughing at, the fact that 'her' man is cheating on his wife...I doubt she'd find it humourous at all!


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## canttrustu (Feb 22, 2012)

lordmayhem said:


> I called OM, no answer. I emailed OM, got no reply.


chickensh*t....


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> I called OM, no answer. I emailed OM, got no reply.


Maybe, just maybe, he had a shred of something, whatever to call it I don't know (...not dignity...shame maybe???) and slunk off back to the bowels of his gormless existence. I like to think that that's why I never heard anything back from H's attempted OW. But I doubt she had shame; she is a scumbag. As soon as my husband told her NO she laced into him insulting both of us in the process. He says she never responded back to him, either. I remember saying to him "THIS is your good friend??? Wow..." A line from one of my favorite songs:

GOOD RIDDANCE


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

CandieGirl said:


> Maybe, just maybe, he had a shred of something, whatever to call it I don't know (...not dignity...shame maybe???) and slunk off back to the bowels of his gormless existence.


Unfortunately he didn't. He sent a message to her secret facebook account trying to fish about 3 weeks later. He didn't know that by that time, I had the password to that account and intercepted it. Oh yeah, it was written all flowery and lovey dovey. 

A few weeks after that, I intercepted the voicemail that he was left for my WW. 

That was two attempts to fish for renewed contact that I know of. But not brave enought to talk to me apparently.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

lordmayhem said:


> Unfortunately he didn't. He sent a message to her secret facebook account trying to fish about 3 weeks later. He didn't know that by that time, I had the password to that account and intercepted it. Oh yeah, it was written all flowery and lovey dovey.
> 
> A few weeks after that, I intercepted the voicemail that he was left for my WW.
> 
> That was two attempts to fish for renewed contact that I know of. But not brave enought to talk to me apparently.


Slime...

That's what H's 'friend' was doing. Fishing. I still get so damn mad about it, too. I wonder when I can look forward to never worrying about fishing again.


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## henley (Feb 29, 2012)

LeighRichwood said:


> I called OW when I found her number in my H's phone bill. I regret it even now. I asked why she was talking to my H on the phone every day. She told me I should ask him about it. Then she laughed. It's a sound I will probably never forget. The call didn't do anything to stop their affair, or even slow it down. It was a waste of my time and energy. I wish I'd never done it.


Leigh - I can't seem to shake how uncanningly my story seems to mirror yours. On Wednesday when I ran into the OW on the way into the gym - definitely, definitely, definitely not planned - she laughed in my face. I feel like I am going to have nightmares about that sound, and the feelings she made me feel (small, insignificant, unworthy) for a very long time. 

In relation to the OP - I feel that I want to have a "sit down" her.... but I know I couldn't keep my cool long enough for it to be worth anything anyways. In my case, my H refuses to answer any of my questions (who, what, when, where, why - sort of thing) and I know shes such a cruel b*tch that she would gladly cause me the pain of hearing every insufferable detail. 

I just need to keep telling myself that it is more information than I need to know and maybe someday I will believe it. 

I think one unfortunate run in is enough for me. My advise, steer clear unless you have no other choice. There is nothing good that can come out of it as the OW will almost always have the upper hand.


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## CandieGirl (Apr 27, 2011)

Ever think of letting her have her 'upper hand' as in let her have your husband? Grrrr! This topic enrages me so much! 

I say this with no disrespect to you or anyone else who reconciles.


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## henley (Feb 29, 2012)

CandieGirl said:


> Ever think of letting her have her 'upper hand' as in let her have your husband? Grrrr! This topic enrages me so much!
> 
> I say this with no disrespect to you or anyone else who reconciles.


She doesn't want my husband.... and he doesn't want her. Apparently they both just wanted to self-destruct and bring down everyone around them together for a relationship with no plausible future. 

What i meant by the comment about the OW having the upper hand is that usually as the BS you were 1. more shocked by the affair and 2. thought you had a loving/honest relationship with the WS and therefore are more vulnerable to be upset when she starts spouting crap back at you about all the things your H has told her about you, about your relationship, about how he feels about her, etc... 

There is just no winning. Even if you plan on leaving the WS what good does that do to a persons self-esteem to hear all the ways that they have been betrayed and deceived? 

example... When the OWP found out and showed up at my door and asked me if I knew I said I had also just found out. He said "I mean I know things were bad with you and your H" - This was news to me because I was totally oblivious to any issues, let alone infidelity.

Edit: I should add that the OWP heard about the supposed "marital issues" my H and I were having from the OW. This was apparently how my H justified his actions


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

She laughed in your face???????

OMG - I would have jumped the b*tch


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## Confused_and_bitter (Aug 6, 2011)

I contacted OW via Facebook message, H had no idea what I was doing. She replied with "It was a matter of time before you found out" I was really upset when I read that. She wanted to talk to me on the phone to clear things up and say that she wasn't interested in my H that way and how she really wanted to date my brother. I told her that I wasn't prepared to do that so she texted me instead and I asked for timelines and what they talked about, if anything physical happened between them of course she said no.

I don't regret contacting her because I told her that there will no longer be a "friendship" between them at all. She has since tried to pursue my brother only to be used as a cum dumpster!


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## henley (Feb 29, 2012)

vi_bride04 said:


> She laughed in your face???????
> 
> OMG - I would have jumped the b*tch


I wish I could say that that situation would have turned out in my favor but it wouldn't have. As much as it kills me to admit, she is an intimidating and cruel person, and she is most definitely scrappier than I am.... although out of pure anger I may have been able to hold me own for a couple seconds haha! 

There's always next time!


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