# Update and Issues...At a Loss...



## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

Okay, some of you may remember me posting a while back about hardly having any sex because I just "couldn't" or I had to imagine myself as some one else to be able to at all. 
.


There were/are several contributing factors to how we got to this point:

1. My husband's multiple infidelities
2. My weight gain
3. My potassium levels
4. My weight loss.

Since 1 January I have dropped 51 pounds and have been very active. Once I got my potassium levels back up, I started having a drive again, less to no muscle pain AND started working out.

So here is what is going on now:

I have had a few days here an there due to being sick of that time of the month when I haven't wanted to have sex. I had to go to the ER and was very sick and when I got released and was getting dressed my husband made the comment that he could do me right there right then on the hospital bed which really hurt my feelings because I was so sick.

Now it's the point that when I say no even over and over he forces himself on me. Then when it's over he asks how he did and says he just wants to please me. I have tried explaining several times that no means no and it really upsets me that he doesn't get that!

We have sex usually 4 times a week but that's no longer enough for him.

Then we went out to lunch and a movie Saturday. My husband almost broke his neck trying to scope out two blond girls, one in the restaurant and one at the theater. I'm so crushed and heart broken that he has no respect for me and my needs....

I have lost all that weight and worked really hard and now he's lookin' hard at other women again. He gets a good amount of sex but pushes me and has sex with me even when I'm really sick or really not wanting it. 

I'm just at a loss. 

We went from having almost no sex to having sex several times a day several days a week to almost daily


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

To top it all off, he keeps telling me I'm going to leave him yet he's the one whose had the affairs and is looking at other women even now like that! 

I have never been unfaithful to him.

He spends so much time pointing out my flaws. He even told a female friend of ours that I need a boob job and tummy tuck! I'm never good enough.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Sometimes the problem isn't something you can fix.


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## john_lord_b3 (Jan 11, 2013)

OMG he sounds like a horrible person... why are you keeping him by your side?? You deserves better!


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Your husband is raping you. Please get yourself into counseling and contact people who are skilled at dealing with domestic violence.


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

john_lord_b3 said:


> OMG he sounds like a horrible person... why are you keeping him by your side?? You deserves better!


I have not been able to find work and have two kids. I've even applied at gas stations and have not gotten one interview even.

I'm trying to find work but I haven't worked since the kids were born, and now that may be an issue.

I was hoping we could fix our marriage, but it's just not fixable.


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## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

RavenWolf said:


> Then we went out to lunch and a movie Saturday. My husband almost broke his neck trying to scope out two blond girls, one in the restaurant and one at the theater. I'm so crushed and heart broken that he has no respect for me and my needs....



Let me defend your husband on this point *and this point ONLY*. This isn't a reflection of you. It wouldn't matter if you were the highest paid supermodel in the world - men still look at other women, and still crave variety, even when they claim they don't. You don't have to let it crush your self esteem. Besides, your self-esteem shouldn't depend on him anyway.

Congratulations on your weight loss, BTW. If he hasn't done backflips to support you on that then he's an idiot.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

As a guy who appreciates the female form... There's a world of difference between stealing a glance when walking through a mall by yourself and giving yourself whiplash trying to oogle a woman while walking with your SO. Sounds like he was doing the latter. Or at least, she feels he was. And given his last behavior, one might expect he could try to control himself. At least, if he was at all interested in fixing the relationship. 

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

RavenWolf said:


> Okay, some of you may remember me posting a while back about hardly having any sex because I just "couldn't" or I had to imagine myself as some one else to be able to at all.
> .
> 
> 
> ...



Congrats on dropping 51 lbs, getting active and training. Feels great doesn't it?

Your hubby made that comment at the hospital because he thinks you are hot and he loves you, sick or healthy, he desires you.

I know us men have to be the initiators when it comes to sex, but when a woman clearly says no, then no it is and no female mind games leading us to think otherwise.

When us guys have little to no sex for a long time and our wives are over weight, our sex drives drop and we don't look around much. But when our wives lose the weight, get sexy and we start having a lot of sex again, it raises our test levels and we get horny easily and look around as well. Women look around too.

Having sex almost every day is every guys dream. Don't fret if he looks at other women now and then. It's normal.


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

CuddleBug said:


> Congrats on dropping 51 lbs, getting active and training. Feels great doesn't it?
> 
> Your hubby made that comment at the hospital because he thinks you are hot and he loves you, sick or healthy, he desires you.
> 
> ...



Hmmm....I have to disagree with the drop in sex drive if a man doesn't get it much and that leads to looking less. My husband has NOT changed his looking behavior with respect to the amount of sex. 

Lots of sex? He still gives himself whip lash looking. He still cheated.

No sex? Looks the same way/amount. Still cheated.

I tell him no multiple times and he forces himself on me. Not okay and that does equal rape. Just because we are married does not mean I "gave up" my right to say no.

Him making the comment that he wanted me at the hospital does not mean he desires me or finds me attractive. In fact, he spends a great deal of time pointing out everything wrong with me. I just don't see how he can be attracted to me when he loves telling me what's wrong with me while he checks out the women who fit his type.

Our kids were with my parents for a month and have only been home for a few days. From day one of them being home, he's done nothing but yell at them. At one point a few years ago he told me he was jealous of the kids and their time with me. (Yet he can go out with other women and that's okay, right?)

I am so frustrated. I feel so low and crappy. Our communication sucks. That will NEVER get better. Thirteen years, counseling, affairs on his end and we still don't do well together.

All this weight I've lost and still not good enough. I wish so badly I could get a job and leave. Then he can go find his dream girl and it won't affect me.


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## RClawson (Sep 19, 2011)

RavenWolf said:


> I have not been able to find work and have two kids. I've even applied at gas stations and have not gotten one interview even.
> 
> I'm trying to find work but I haven't worked since the kids were born, and now that may be an issue.
> 
> I was hoping we could fix our marriage, but it's just not fixable.


Raven,

You need to apply at every employment agency in town. They will assess your skills and find you employment so you can get back in the "game". You will find that you will connect with some of the staffing managers at some of these agencies. Those are the ones you want to stay in consistent contact with and let them know you are ready to be a constant resource of revenue.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

How much does your husband weigh? Add his weight to your weight loss and find somewhere safe for you and your kids.


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## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

If you seek help for domestic abuse they can help you with finding a job. Since your not getting called, I would have someone review your résumé. Get out now!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Accipiter777 (Jul 22, 2011)

I agree with the "Looking at other women" bit.... we men do this. HOWEVER. My wife had a spell of the "insecurities" for a few years (weight). I stopped with the looking-at-other-woman thing. She has enough with the poor self image thing... even now its been years... I still am cautious. She knows I look... I just don't do it so much.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Something seriously wrong here....

Those job apps were like 9 years ago in another thread, and you were always wanting sex with hubby, and......

WANTED TO SIGN A SEX SLAVE CONTRACT WITH HIM..........
Seriously, is it a raven a wolf or a troll?

the woodchuck


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## RavenWolf (Dec 22, 2012)

Woodchuck said:


> Something seriously wrong here....
> 
> Those job apps were like 9 years ago in another thread, and you were always wanting sex with hubby, and......
> 
> ...


Job apps were NOT 9 years ago only. I attempted it then when I was separated a year and then a couple of years ago again. I have now been attempting for the third time.

Second the contract was to spice things up for things I like to do as well instead of just what he wanted. However that didn't happen and RAPE would not have been on it as a "to do" thing. Plus those contracts are not legality binding AND safe words can be employed. Good thing the contract didn't happen, as I'm sure my husband would not stop with any type of safe word anyway. 

Aside from the fact that he was "getting it" a lot, I have had to deal with being belittled, treated like I'm stupid and have to watch and hear him treat our kids like crap. 

I am not a troll. I'm really between a rock and a hard place. It actually really bothers me that I came here for advice/support and got labeled a troll.


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## Woodchuck (Nov 1, 2012)

Not a TROLL...Fine, I will suggest that other posters go to your
public profile and read your previous posts as I did...It should give them more insight when trying to give you advice...


the woodchuck


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Have you gone to the police about the rape?


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## IsGirl3 (Nov 13, 2012)

it is disgusting that your husband is raping you. he's a piece of sh!t.

You've applied for jobs at Walmart, home depot, the supermarket? Hang up a card in the local community center and be a care giver to the elderly or a baby sitter. Go to a hair salon to be a hair washer. there must be some job that you can get.

And you have to get out. Your H will have to pay some kind of support for the kids. you are in a psycho relationship. save yourself and your kids. this can't just keep going on for years and years.


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