# I am afraid of my husband - men any advice?



## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I posted in the general relationship section about my husband and his steroid use. I won't repeat all of it here, but can anyone who knows about steroids help? 

He has horrible mood swings and I listed everything he injects in my other post and would appreciate any advice. I am beginning to think he could hurt me. Can this stuff really make someone go into a rage where I should be scared of being physically hurt? 

Thanks for any help. I am desperate.


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## wanttobehappy56 (Mar 31, 2011)

Yes, they are very dangerous. He can and WILL hurt you, although he never wanted to.

He needs to quit using them, or you need to get the HE*L outta there, seriously.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Thanks Wanttobehappy. He takes 3 or 4 injectibles and 2 testosterone creams that I know of. I listed them on the other post and someone did respond, but I know some studies show there is no evidence of a violence connection and he always uses those as his defense. But he is scaring me now. I don't know who/what to believe anymore.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I know I've seen other women on the forum talk about having an exit plan of some type. Some cash stashed away, keep a bag packed, line up a place to go in case of an emergency.

I don't know anything about steriods - but if you are this concerned you should probably put some plans in place.


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## wanttobehappy56 (Mar 31, 2011)

Trooper said:


> Thanks Wanttobehappy. He takes 3 or 4 injectibles and 2 testosterone creams that I know of. I listed them on the other post and someone did respond, but I know some studies show there is no evidence of a violence connection and he always uses those as his defense. But he is scaring me now. I don't know who/what to believe anymore.


There are also some studies that show that cocaine is not an addictive substance, I tried to use that as a defense to a judge when I was 17, he wasn't convinced.


If he is scaring you, that's a warning sign. Please be careful, this is not a joke, it's as serious as it gets.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Thank you. Mostly he plays mind games with me, possibly emotional abuse. Like one time after I lost my job he came home at about 10:00 in the morning, pulling in the driveway like a maniac and told me he quit his job because I stressed him out so much (he was mad at me then also) and that we would lose the house and I better get ready to turn my car in and move out! I was so worried and I cried and called my brother. I have 2 dogs and didn't know where I would go. I called my husband a few hours later crying my eyes out asking why he would quit a great job and he said he didn't really quit, he just did it to show me what "could happen" if I kept upsetting him. I think that was one of the worst things he ever did to me.


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## wanttobehappy56 (Mar 31, 2011)

Trooper said:


> Thank you. Mostly he plays mind games with me, possibly emotional abuse. Like one time after I lost my job he came home at about 10:00 in the morning, pulling in the driveway like a maniac and told me he quit his job because I stressed him out so much (he was mad at me then also) and that we would lose the house and I better get ready to turn my car in and move out! I was so worried and I cried and called my brother. I have 2 dogs and didn't know where I would go. I called my husband a few hours later crying my eyes out asking why he would quit a great job and he said he didn't really quit, he just did it to show me what "could happen" if I kept upsetting him. I think that was one of the worst things he ever did to me.



I know you love him, but he's a jerk. Get out while you still can.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

It helps to hear on the men's club that he's a jerk. He has manipulated me so long and tried to make me believe I am the cause of his problems that I think I have started to believe it. 

I found out from my other post that what he's taking is two kinds of human growth hormone, one anabolic steroid, one prescription strength B-12 injection and testosterone cream and something else I forgot. I really do think it's affecting him, but whether it is or not I think I need to find a good divorce attorney asap. 

Thanks.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Trooper said:


> Thank you. Mostly he plays mind games with me, possibly emotional abuse. Like one time after I lost my job he came home at about 10:00 in the morning, pulling in the driveway like a maniac and told me he quit his job because I stressed him out so much (he was mad at me then also) and that we would lose the house and I better get ready to turn my car in and move out! I was so worried and I cried and called my brother. I have 2 dogs and didn't know where I would go. I called my husband a few hours later crying my eyes out asking why he would quit a great job and he said he didn't really quit, he just did it to show me what "could happen" if I kept upsetting him. I think that was one of the worst things he ever did to me.


Wow. That IS emotional abuse! This is a total lack of respect and love!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

Have you ever heard the term "roid rage"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

To quote one of my favorite Pink Floyd songs: "Run Like Hell!"


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Trooper said:


> Thank you. Mostly he plays mind games with me, possibly emotional abuse. Like one time after I lost my job he came home at about 10:00 in the morning, pulling in the driveway like a maniac and told me he quit his job because I stressed him out so much (he was mad at me then also) and that we would lose the house and I better get ready to turn my car in and move out! I was so worried and I cried and called my brother. I have 2 dogs and didn't know where I would go. I called my husband a few hours later crying my eyes out asking why he would quit a great job and he said he didn't really quit, he just did it to show me what "could happen" if I kept upsetting him. I think that was one of the worst things he ever did to me.


He is not a safe person. Definitely emotionally abusive. 
And steroids make people crazy.




pidge70 said:


> Have you ever heard the term "roid rage"
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Yep


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## Anooniemouse (May 5, 2010)

A divorce attorney may be jumping the gun here a little bit; unless he was like this _before he started using steroids_, this behavior is likely just a combination of a few boosted chemicals (naturally) in the body from working out, and from the tremendous, and *fully reversible* changes in affect from high dose steroids. 

If this can be handled by him either modulating his use downward, or him quitting the steroids, and going to something a little safer with less changed in mood ... Perhaps you can accomplish this, and still preserve your relationship with a heart to heart talk, and setting a boundary for his behavior.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

Anooniemouse said:


> A divorce attorney may be jumping the gun here a little bit; unless he was like this _before he started using steroids_, this behavior is likely just a combination of a few boosted chemicals (naturally) in the body from working out, and from the tremendous, and *fully reversible* changes in affect from high dose steroids.
> 
> If this can be handled by him either modulating his use downward, or him quitting the steroids, and going to something a little safer with less changed in mood ... Perhaps you can accomplish this, and still preserve your relationship with a heart to heart talk, and setting a boundary for his behavior.


I would agree with that but he’s in the “blame game”. That means he’s blaming his wife for the world he’s created around him. I think it exceptionally unlikely that a man with that mentality is ever going to accept personal responsibility for his own behaviour, make some changes to himself and get off of the “drugs”.

The only time he’s ever likely to do that is when his world has totally crashed around him and he is in a great deal of pain. That’s why there is danger.

Bob


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Two words Chris Benoit. Or just Profesional Wrestlers Marriages. Get out do not tell him you are going do not tell him where you are going anything. If after you get out you want to tell him then fine but make sure you are safe first. If he agrees to get clean not partly clean but clean and agrees to end his drug use then you can work something out but as long as he is juicing to the amounts he is for non medical reasons on top of it he is a ticking time bomb.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

nice777guy said:


> Sorry - wrestling fan here - Benoit's autopsy showed he had the brain of an 80 year old. Too many headbutts and chairshots to the head - same kind of concussion issues the NFL is starting to become aware of these days.
> 
> I believe he also killed his wife a whole day before killing his son. His son's murder had to have been pre-meditated (by someone who was likely mentally ill).


True to a point. I actually believe it was his son first then his wife, and he is not a roid rage only type case. Hence why I threw in look at wrestlers relationships in general especialy those that were known to juice. Benoit was a culmination of things that led to a "perfect" storm. You can look at Macho Man and Miss Elizabeth,Hulk and his misses, Debbie and Austin or even just China where she has openly talked about the rampant roid abuse and the overly hostile volitile nature of the roid users in the locker room.

The fact remains there is a very strong case linking juice and over aggresiveness and domestic violence. Its like crack cocaine and theft.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Regarding him stopping, about 4 years ago he ended up in the hospital with a heart arythmia, he was in serious A-fib. He had to be transferred to a hospital that could handle it and this went on for 3 days despite drugs he was being given that the doctor said normally would restore the normal rhythm. He eventually had to have a procedure where they stopped his heart and restarted it with the shock paddles. He insists it was due to heat stroke, but he had been in the heat 3 or 4 days before this happened. I did research and found that the anabolic steroid can cause this, but he refused to believe it and did not tell the doctor about his steroid use. 

He has also been pulled over for road rage and frequently says he wants to beat someone up for something as minor as driving in his blind spot or cutting him off. I do not think he will ever admit the steroids are a problem. He always insists that professional athletes do it and none of them have had any problems so it's fine. I think he is addicted to being big and living in the past when he was a college football player. 

I do think he always had mental issues, but I didn't realize it until after we were married. I think the steroids and time have just made it all much worse. 

Any problem we have is blamed on me, not the steroids or his mental issues. And I mean EVERYTHING is my fault. If he has work related issues that's even my fault somehow, because I did something to stress him and make him behave badly at work. He denies all responsibility for his actions so I do not think he will ever quit steroids. I have asked him over and over to quit and/or to get counseling but he says counselors will "gang up on him" and he's just fine and doesn't need some a-h*** telling him what to do.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

sweetheart I say this again you need to get out. I live watching mymother get physicaly abused all my life including one man who tried to OD her.This guy is an abuser not just emotionaly not just mentally but physicaly. The steroids are only going to make it worse. Please listen to the people here don't tell him you are going don't tell him where as that might set him off. Get out of there as fast as possible if these actions are all a result of the juice then you can decide if you want to stay after he is clean but while he is still juicing for your own saftey you need toleave.Please don't become that statistic its much better to be a divorce statistic.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Well I do need to file for divorce, he has basically spent all the money I had any access to and has cash stashed away where I cannot access it. My therapist advised me to have 911 on speed dial and to have a safe place to go to and I have that, but I do need to see a divorce attorney so I can freeze the assets because he is the type who will clean out everything if he senses what is going on. I just cannot allow him to make me pennyless, I bought this house on my own and have always paid the mortgage, taxes, etc. - he never paid for any of it and I will not lose what little I have left to a jerk like him. I just need to be very secretive about my actions until the order is filed. 

Thanks to everyone for all your advice, it has really been very helpful. I just don't understand why someone like this would refuse to get help, but I guess if he doesn't think he's sick he doesn't see any reason to get help. It's just so frustrating that everyone else can see it but he can't.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Trooper said:


> Well I do need to file for divorce, he has basically spent all the money I had any access to and has cash stashed away where I cannot access it. My therapist advised me to have 911 on speed dial and to have a safe place to go to and I have that, but I do need to see a divorce attorney so I can freeze the assets because he is the type who will clean out everything if he senses what is going on. I just cannot allow him to make me pennyless, I bought this house on my own and have always paid the mortgage, taxes, etc. - he never paid for any of it and I will not lose what little I have left to a jerk like him. I just need to be very secretive about my actions until the order is filed.
> 
> Thanks to everyone for all your advice, it has really been very helpful. I just don't understand why someone like this would refuse to get help, but I guess if he doesn't think he's sick he doesn't see any reason to get help. It's just so frustrating that everyone else can see it but he can't.


My mom used to always say that the crazy ones don't know they're crazy. Only sane people worry about losing their mind...


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Good point - mom's generally are right.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Trooper said:


> I just don't understand why someone like this would refuse to get help


Because he doesn't see what he's doing as wrong.

Scary, huh? 

If you don't have $, call up Legal Aid or visit w/ some attorneys that will offer you a payment plan.


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Most communities also have a woman's shelter. You may not need it now (or hopefully ever), but they can likely help you with an exit strategy - whether its divorce or a quicker exit for safety.


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## AFEH (May 18, 2010)

OP isn't listening. If she’s listening she certainly isn’t understanding. She's like the wife an alcoholic. She is a codependent who thinks she can change him.

Bob


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

There is no reason you should feel compelled to put up with this REGARDLESS of the reason.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

I am listening, but still refuse to leave my house. Legally we are both entitled to stay here. My car is in his name, but if done properly, he cannot take my car from me once the assets are frozen. Trust me, I understand how bad this can be, but I also am not going to end up homeless and broke because of him. 

I do believe I have been codependent for a long time and I have put up with a lot for a long time, but I do now understand I cannot change his behavior, only my own. But I am not going to let him take what I am entitled to. 

I discussed this with my therapist today and he is so into appearances that she does not think he will actually resort to physical violence - it would upset his appearance of wealth, intelligence, nice cars, upstanding citizen, blah, blah, blah that he has built up. That means everything to me and I know he could never stand to lose his status and possessions. I also recognize his moods and can see a blow up coming and I do have a plan if needed. 

All that being said, yes I am still very sad that the happy, fun, loving person I first met is gone. It hurts me worse than anything I could imagine, but I do realize that person is gone.


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## Trooper (Oct 21, 2010)

Oops, I meant to say the appearance of status means everything to HIM, not me! I could care less actually, I just want enough to live on, but he has always needed the appearance of money and status. Just another issue we part ways on.


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## Niceguy13 (Apr 7, 2011)

Look at that from the other side Trooper. All he cares about is appearance and status, What is he going to do when he finds out that is all in jeapordy? I understand you don't think he will get violent. Go to said abuse shelter and listen to what women say. I never thought he would hit me, I was so good at reading him I thought I could get out before he did, I was to scared to leave.

Don't get blindsided trooper. Soon appearance of finacial status won't be enough. His addiction or his ego is going to make him demand more and more of you. This guy doesn't have red flags he is THE RED FLAG


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