# Turning down thermostat w/o being passive aggressive?



## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

I don't know where to put this. I think I need to majorly turn down the thermostat. But I spent 13 years with my ex who was a master at being passive aggressive. It feels passive aggressive to me. 
Right now instead of going home I am at Starbucks having a mocha. He texted me and I didn't answer. 
Lately it seems like I'm the one who wants to have sex, to be close, to work on the relationship. I know I need to do this. 
When I got home he was the first to hug and I felt weird kind of half heatedly hugging him. I flew out the door without saying "goodbye honey" like I usually do. Just said bye. 
He called me while I was in the car about something and I talked for a minute but said I had to drive. 
I plan on staying here for a while. 
I just feel passive aggressive...like fine, of you don't want me I'm just gonna pout at Starbucks to punish you. I don't know how to differentiate between the two. I'm doing this for me because I'm
needing time alone and to just break out if the same old patterns we're in. Usually on Fridays I have a drink or two and gauge whether he's interested in sex. I think I'm
going to go home, get a water proof vibrator and take a long bath. Then read and go to bed.
So if he asks me what's wrong what do I say?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

You say 'Honey I have a confession. You wouldn't believe how much I want it right now. I REALLY REALLY need you to take me to bed and f me. And if you won't do it, I'll be in the tub with my little pink friend if you want to join' 

I would be powerless to say no to that.


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Doesn't work. He would frak out and say I'm pressuring him and I'm trying to turn the heat down, not up!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## diwali123 (Feb 17, 2012)

Oh my god, I went to cover him with a blanket and decided to get dressed and go out somewhere. He was like "hey what? huh? huh? huh?" I said "Ok goodbye I'll see you tomorrow." He couldn't wrap his head around it! 
He almost came running after me and was so confused. We talked and I told him if he's just going to sleep or sit around pouting I'm not staying. I just want to get out of the house.
We ended up talking and he said "I just don't understand this 180." Ha I almost started laughing. yeah that's what it is hon.
We talked and I told him honestly I'm just working on me, I'm trying to something different because what I was doing before wasn't working, and that honestly I'm just to the point where I don't really want to have sex anymore. He asked me if I'm shut down or not in the mood and I said I don't know.
And it was like someone took a pile of bricks off his shoulders. I told him let's work on the counseling and moving into the house and eventually it'll come back to both of us. I thought he was going to do a dance. 
So I'm just going to keep working on me and doing my turning the thermostat down.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

It's only being passive-aggressive if you are doing it just to spite him and he is so clueless he just does not get it.

I cannot imagine that he would be unclear on your motives for turning down the thermostat. But, in case he is, all you have to do is simply tell him "I refuse to just hang out here and be ignored (or mistreated or whatever label you want). When you want to consider my needs equal to yours I will gladly hang around more."


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