# Effects of 180 on a BPD spouse



## imgonnabejustfine (Mar 8, 2012)

Please weigh-in if you have experience dealing with a spouse with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have not posted my story yet, (we are separated but still living under the same roof) but at this point I would like to know if the 180 works with them. I ask this because I am very familiar with BPD traits, and one of them is their need for constant affection and reassurance. Thanks for any insight or advice!


----------



## Jamison (Feb 10, 2011)

imgonnabejustfine said:


> Please weigh-in if you have experience dealing with a spouse with traits of Borderline Personality Disorder. I have not posted my story yet, (we are separated but still living under the same roof) but at this point I would like to know if the 180 works with them. I ask this because I am very familiar with BPD traits, and one of them is their need for constant affection and reassurance. Thanks for any insight or advice!


There is a poster on here by the name of Uptown, see if you can search his threads on the BPD issue. He has some helpful insight on the matter. Also, maybe he will see this post and respond as well.


----------



## imgonnabejustfine (Mar 8, 2012)

Thank you!


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

3leafclover said:


> I hope Uptown sees this, as well. He's talked to a lot of BPDers.
> 
> A 180 would trigger her fear of abandonment, which could lead to all sorts of negative coping mechanisms. I wouldn't normally recommend a 180 approach for BPD spouses for a couple of reasons, but in your case, you and your wife are already separated. What do you have to lose? Then again, I don't know what your goal is. Are you wanting it to lead to reconciliation? Or are you doing this in the true spirit of the 180...preparing yourself for the impending divorce in a way that will safeguard your sanity and wellbeing?
> 
> ...


OP is a female. Her H is the BPD'er.


----------



## pidge70 (Jan 17, 2011)

I'll tell you how I know I would respond to a 180 as a BPD'er. The whole basically ignoring your spouse and acting all bright and happy, going about your day as if they basically aren't there thing........yeah, that would p!ss me off to no extent. I think if you H is a BPD'er, the 180 is not the way to go, not if you are in the same house.


----------



## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

imgonnabejustfine said:


> I would like to know if the 180 works with ...[BPDers].


JustFine, you are fortunate to have attracted the attention of Pidge, 3Leaf, and Jamison -- all of whom are very familiar with BPD. Pidge and 3Leaf, for example, are two of those very rare individuals who, despite having strong BPD traits, have the self awareness and ego strength to confront those issues and learn how to manage them. Jamison, though not a BPDer himself, is very familiar with the issue. 

As 3Leaf says, it is difficult to respond to your question until we know what your goal is. Please tell us what you hope to accomplish and give us more detail about your relationship, e.g., how long you've been married, when the abuse started, what form it has taken, and whether he's been diagnosed or treated. For a quick overview on what it is like to live with a typical untreated BPDer, I suggest you read my post in Maybe's thread at http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/33734-my-list-hell.html#post473522. Take care, JustFine.


----------



## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

pidge70 said:


> I'll tell you how I know I would respond to a 180 as a BPD'er. The whole basically ignoring your spouse and acting all bright and happy, going about your day as if they basically aren't there thing........yeah, that would p!ss me off to no extent. I think if you H is a BPD'er, the 180 is not the way to go, not if you are in the same house.


I am not diagnosed (yet) with BPD but do have quite a few traits. I am trying to become self aware for the sake of my marriage...

Anyways, I would feel the same way as Pidge - be so f-in ticked off that you were ignoring me. Then I would probably do some self destructive behaviors to get your attention. I would verbally assult you. It just wouldn't be a pretty scened. I don't think 180 would be a good thing to do....


----------



## Almostrecovered (Jul 14, 2011)

ummm...remember that the 180 is to help a spouse detach from a spouse unwilling to work on a marriage usually due to infidelity (but doesnt have to be). The "side effect" of changing the spouse is not what's it's about


----------

