# I should've left a long time ago



## prisoner84 (Apr 18, 2012)

So, I posted in here, under a different name, over a year and a half ago when my wife was being physically abusive. With the support and advice from many in this forum, I was able to get away from her for a few days. It was great. She was so devastated that I left that she started making huge changes. Several days later, I came back home and things were fantastic for about 2 months. In that time, we found out she was pregnant with our first child.

Then things started going back to where they were. To her credit, she never got physically abusive again but now its just more of a constant negativity and even resentment towards me. She is also very insecure, manipulative and needy. She finds subtle ways to criticize and demean me. I'm either doing something wrong or I'm not doing something right but either way I'm always upsetting her without intending to. The bottom line is, the way she treats me makes me miserable. I am naturally a very easy going, upbeat and happy person but I feel that she makes it difficult to be me.

I have always had a lot of female friends. I have never had trouble finding a date or hanging out with mulitple girls at the same time. In fact, when she and I first started hanging out, it was because one of her girlfriends invited me to come out with their crew of girls. At that time, she thought it was "so cool" that I hung out with them. Then, when we got married, she hated the fact that I know so many girls. At the store, at sports events, at the gym, at church or anywhere a girl says "hi" to me, I can already expect a fight. Even on facebook, if a girl comments on a photo of our family saying "what a beautiful family you have now," she will be pissed. Since we've been married I have had girls try to flirt, make suggestive comments and even give me their number but I brush it off, throw away their numbers and tell them I am happily married. As much as I thought this would help my wife to see that I am committed to her and she has no reason to be insecure, it doesn't.

One thing that happened a few months after we had been married, that she has never gotten over was - one day I left my e-mail open and went to work. While I was at work she found a 2 year old folder of e-mails between me and a girl I was good friends with. I don't usually clean out my e-mail, especially since I have 5 different accounts. I actually completely forgot that that folder even existed. She confronted me about it and I told her that I didn't even remember those e-mails but they were from a long time before we were married, engaged or even dating. That wasn't enough. She had convinced herself that I was holding on to those message for some reason. The weird thing is, me and the girl in the e-mails hadn't ever been an item. We never dated, hooked up, made out, or anything at all. That girl and I hadn't ever talked about that either so those e-mails didn't say anything I would be afraid for my wife to read. Regardless of all that, my wife was so upset about it that she still brings those e-mails up a year and a half later because she feels like it is evidence that I was cheating on her. I don't get it. I have never cheated on her and I never will. Ever.

We fight ALL the time. It starts with her being mad about something, when I finally pull it out of her, it'll be something ridiculously silly. When I downplay it she gets more upset and then starts bringing up the e-mails or girls trying to talk to me and then I accuse her of being insecure and then she starts throwing things and cussing me out. She knows I hate when she cusses in front of my daughter so I try to leave but she will take away the keys, hide my phone or block the door so I can't get out. If I try to push her away from the door she will scream, cry and throw herself on the ground to make it sound like I am physically abusing her. I'm surprised the neighbors haven't called the cops with all the screaming and yelling she's constantly doing.

When I tell her I want a divorce or at least a separation, she bawls and begs me not to leave her and that she will change and stop being insecure and negative. I have asked her so many times to go to marriage counseling with me but she refused for a year and a half.

Finally last week she said she would go because I told her it was counseling or divorce. She even went online to find one close to our place and even though our insurance probably won't cover it and it is a little expensive, she insisted that I set an appointment. Now that our appointment is coming up, she asked me yesterday why I want to go to counseling and that it won't change anything and that I'm forcing her to go when she doesn't need it. UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I think she's going to try and weasel out of it. Either that or she say she hated it afterwards and won't go back.

What do I do???


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Stick to you guns. It's either MC including actual effort put into it, or it's divorce.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## prisoner84 (Apr 18, 2012)

Thank you for your reply, Shaggy. I appreciate your encouragement.


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## Lee_Schreck (Apr 18, 2012)

Wow, I could have almost written your post myself, although the roles are reversed in my situation. I have recently come to terms with the knowledge that my relationship has been abusive for the entire duration (nearly 15 years). I was never willing to admit that before we went into counselling, but having it pointed out by a professional really put things into perspective.

I feel for you. Counselling is a great step in the right direction, regardless of the outcome in the end. Best case scenario - counselling will open her eyes to her mistreatment of you, and she will be willing to work on that behavior. Even if that doesn't happen, you will be given tools and insight to improve yourself and live a better life.

Best of luck to you, I know how tough this is.


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## prisoner84 (Apr 18, 2012)

AllieM and Lee Shreck, I cannot tell you both how much better I feel to hear your words of support. Last night was a nightmare, as well as this morning, and I can't wait for either counseling or divorce to end this fiasco. Thank you guys again!


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## SlowlyGettingWiser (Apr 7, 2012)

prisoner84:

When is your MC appointment set for (date/time)? You do have one, right?

Hang in there; you're trying to hold onto your sanity and you're in the right!


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