# Female Mid Life Crisis



## KRinOnt

I know what it is, but it means nothing unless I talk to someone that has actually experienced it. I don't mean lived with someone with it, but someone actually experiencing it. Who has been through it? Who is still going through it? Who got over it? Do you look back and say " what the hell was I thinking?" Was it a blessing or a nightmare? Help me understand please.


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## SimplyAmorous

Not enough info here, what is happening in your mind, WHAT are you thinking, what are you contemplating on doing that you might regret?


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## KRinOnt

SimplyAmorous said:


> Not enough info here, what is happening in your mind, WHAT are you thinking, what are you contemplating on doing that you might regret?


lol. I'm not contemplating anything. My wife is going through a midlife crisis according to my/our therapist, but she resists further help and it's destroying our lives. Our separation and her new boyfriend has devastated our kids. She has alienated her family, my family, our children and many of her friends who think she's lost her freakin' mind. 

A little background - married 17 years, together 21. 4 kids. Own home. no addictions or abuse. Some financial stresses, but manageable. Suddenly without warning she's leaving and moving in with someone else like a switch was turned on. Left the kids with me and doesn't even want the house anymore. That's the Readers Digest version.


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## 827Aug

I have no idea. I'm 47 years old and I haven't gotten there yet. I've always had to be the responsible person. Your wife sounds like my estranged husband though. He did all of that (and more) at age 41.

I wish you the best as you sort through this though.


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## Pandakiss

i have always had the feel i am on my second time around my h and i lived a fun filled emotional disfunctial life we are early thirtys and soon we will be together twenty years and have four kids we are always in a rut and never in a rut and im happy and unhappy but i love our chatioc life and dont want to change it but i want to change it nobody in the world could handle our life so i must always com my feelings and thoughts so he will know how handle me i dont stray and if i do something zany he will catch me before i hit the ground but we talk about everything no filter this is just my view sorry about what you are going through but i can relate to her sometimes i am not happy and it would be easy to leave it all the house the kids the brokedom the extended family drama but knowing he thinks the same thing if he has the edurance of this beautiful ride i will earn my stripes too how could i leave he cant win this and come out smelling like roses oh and im the coward heck no lol:-D
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Freak On a Leash

I had a mid life crisis (and other issues) in my late 30s. I regret some of my actions today but in other ways I'm glad I did some cool stuff (like race cars and take some awesome road trips) but I spent money that wasn't mine, lied and acted like an idiot. There were a lot of factors involved outside of the proverbial "mid life crisis". 

That said, there is NO excuse for having an affair with another man and putting her family through financial and emotional hell. Buying a red sports car and going a bit nuts I can see but an affair and breaking up your family? No..that's unacceptable at any age, for any reason. 

You can't use a "mid life crisis" as an excuse to be unfaithful or act like a complete jerk. In my book, that's a cop out or the acts of a person who is suffering from an emotional/mental crisis. My bet is that she's going thru some kind of psychological crisis that has nothing to do with her age. She needs medical help/therapy.


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## KRinOnt

Freak On a Leash said:


> I had a mid life crisis (and other issues) in my late 30s. I regret some of my actions today but in other ways I'm glad I did some cool stuff (like race cars and take some awesome road trips) but I spent money that wasn't mine, lied and acted like an idiot. There were a lot of factors involved outside of the proverbial "mid life crisis".
> 
> That said, there is NO excuse for having an affair with another man and putting her family through financial and emotional hell. Buying a red sports car and going a bit nuts I can see but an affair and breaking up your family? No..that's unacceptable at any age, for any reason.
> 
> You can't use a "mid life crisis" as an excuse to be unfaithful or act like a complete jerk. In my book, that's a cop out or the acts of a person who is suffering from an emotional/mental crisis. My bet is that she's going thru some kind of psychological crisis that has nothing to do with her age. She needs medical help/therapy.


Midlife crisis is an emotional mental crisis. It's a recognized psychiatric term first coined in 1965.


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## southbound

I'm wondering if my wife could be going through this. If someone has a mid-life crisis and wants to change their current lifestyle, such as divorce, do they ever snap out of it and go back to normal, or do they actually become happy with their new lifestyle?


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## SimplyAmorous

KRinOnt said:


> My wife is going through a midlife crisis according to my/our therapist, but she resists further help and it's destroying our lives. Our separation and her new boyfriend has devastated our kids. She has alienated her family, my family, our children and many of her friends who think she's lost her freakin' mind.
> 
> A little background - married 17 years, together 21. 4 kids. Own home. no addictions or abuse. Some financial stresses, but manageable. Suddenly without warning she's leaving and moving in with someone else like a switch was turned on. Left the kids with me and doesn't even want the house anymore.


Sorry, I thought YOU was the one going through the crisis. I have a couple books on midlife crisis since I think I started to go through one myself about 2 yrs ago. Before this time, I was completely & utterly content with my life , my husband, my kids , our house, our finances, everything, then suddenly when I hit 42 , I wanted to go back in time, I wanted to feel "YOUNG" again, I had moments where I wanted to run away from the kids. I would get very emotional. 

This one book I have describes the Archetypes like this: *The Adventurer *(maybe she wants to start Bungy jumping , running marathons) , *The Lover*, *the Leader* (start your own business, get into Politics), *The Artist*, *The Gardner*, and *the Seeker *(finding or loosing one's religion). 

I know what Mine was - the Lover. I became HIGHLY sexual. I wanted to experience that youthful lust , erotic passion feeling , I wanted this every single day, nothing else seemed to matter to me. If my husband was not up for this , I think it could have destroyed us. Thankfully in our case, He was there for me in every way. I was very OPEN with him from the start, we had many long conversations, never hid anything from him, he KNEW how I was feeling, even that I had feelings of running off. I wanted to FLIRT all the time. Kinda crazy. Just wanting to feel young again -it flooded my being. In our case, we re-created that in our marriage . I went out of my way to spice things up. It has been VERY fun, I can say my Mid life crisis has been a Blessing - even. 

Just look at the avatar I choose, found this forum during that time, I am old enough to be a Grandma, maybe I should be crochething or something , but I FEEL and want to live like that Avatar I am using. I know THIS is a phase in my life. 

IF I would have ran away, looked for another, a younger man who could have fullfilled all of my sexual fantasies, I am sure this would have been the biggest mistake of my life and probably came back ashamed , humiliated and used - by men. 

Not sure what your wife is looking for, what she felt she lost or missed out on -in life. What does her Therapist think? 

My sister in Law went through this, she wanted to go dancing all of a sudden in her 40's, get a little wild, the husband didn't want to go with her, but remained the Homebody he always was, here she found a drummer to run off with. Now both are divorced & alone , the drummer did not last. 

I think when any woman goes through this, it is paramount to listen, listen closely, give her extra attention & understanding, even go along with what she is suggesting/wanting (dancing, wilder sex etc) , even if it is new & kinda kinky for you. If she says hurtful things when she is emotional, try not to take this too awfully serious - but do take it serious about things SHE WANTS, maybe even NEEDS from you during this time. 


Sounds like your wife maybe didn't open up and share with you what was bothering her ??? How she was feeling -that led up to her leaving ? 

This other man, fling at work? Did she find some random man on the internet? Is this about sex, is it about wanting someone who makes more money? 

I also know another man, who his wife left him, again in the 40's after many good yrs of marraige, great suburanban house, rich lifstyle, she lost alot of weight, and BOOM, was getting alot of attention from men suddendly and left him to go partying with drinkers, she is getting tattoos, she gave up her family, beautiful house just for having some WILD partying times. She is still gone, but I suspect this will get old and she will be crawling back to him. 

A warning for men, you think your wife is crazy now, wait 'till Midlife, you haven't seen anything yet!


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## KRinOnt

SimplyAmorous....
My wife turned 43 two days before she told me she was leaving. The man she went with was no one. I don't even know him. He's a drunk. Doesn't work. Has a rep for messing with married women only. ...uses them for what he can get and dumps them ( she is at least the 3rd in less than 2 years for his guy). 
She said she didn't want the house or anything in it other than her clothes and some collectibles. She said the kids were better off with me because her life was too unstable right now and she knew I was a wonderul father. 
She is living in a broken down old farmhouse he got for free for a couple of months in exchange for doing renovations. It's a dumo. She has no TV, phone, internet. The water is no good....sulphur. The oil heat system doesn't work so they are using electric baseboard. Her hours were recently cut at work. She's technically part-time. There are rats in the house. When she has to actually start paying for the place in Dec she will be in big trouble financially. She simply can't afford it and I ( and everyone in town who knows of this man) don't believe he can help financially either. 
She calls or texts every single day. Sometimes more than once. She comes to the house almost every single day, but never takes anything. She checks her mail, uses the computer etc. Until today that is. I finally told her I wanted her key. 
She went to one counselling session with me in the first two weeks ( it's been 8 weeks since she told me and only 4 since she actually left). We met for over 2 hours during which a lot was said. The therapist told her she was putting too much blame for her unhappiness on my shoulders. She was told it appears there are a lot of issues troubling her that have nothing to do with me at all. They met for a shorter period without me as well .After my wife left the therapist said she got the impression my wife still loved me and was very worried about my health. She also thought that my wife hadn't planned this whole ordeal very well in spite of her claims that she had. The therapist feels ( based not only on that one meeting, but also on all the info I give her weekly) that she is going through a midlife crisis and suffers from depression. Her MD has been alerted to this. 
She tries to keep her relationship with our daughter going, but the kid is angry and hurt. They don't even know how to talk to one another. Our son is older (16) and she pretty much has thrown him under the bus. They rarely talk. 
Bottom line: she is not the woman I knew even 3 months ago.


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## KRinOnt

Oh, and by the way...I AM the drummer...literally


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## SimplyAmorous

KRinOnt said:


> Oh, and by the way...I AM the drummer...literally


 Seriously, I can't imagine any women in her right ming leaving a loving forgiving remorseful man who is financially stable, good father ++ in a band!! If I was single , this would be MY Temptation totally. Just something about musicians. Somehow they have a way of becoming HOT even when they may not really be HOT.


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## KRinOnt

SimplyAmorous said:


> Seriously, I can't imagine any women in her right ming leaving a loving forgiving remorseful man who is financially stable, good father ++ in a band!! If I was single , this would be MY Temptation totally. Just something about musicians. Somehow they have a way of becoming HOT even when they may not really be HOT.


Flatterer


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