# Post Divorce Positive Skills



## philglossop (Apr 22, 2013)

A nice thread for developing new skills.

Anyone developed any skills they never knew that they had or didn't the courage to develop during the marriage?

Here's mine to start.

I'm now a manager again at work and I've had my first "questioning" of my authority today. In the past I'd have handled that badly and taken it personally. Even hidden away.

Now post divorce it appears I'm more strong and more aware to deal with it head on. Even heard myself say subconsciously whilst on my way to meet the staff member "It's not going to be worse than that divorce meeting".

And it wasn't. Even used "I'm not ok with that" :wink2:

Oh and it turns out I'm rather good at plumbing!

Anyone else got any positive skills they'd like to share?


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## zillard (Nov 13, 2012)

Excellent! 

Around the home I'm getting better at cooking, started gardening and canning food, and discovered the joys of woodworking. 

Outside of home I've been combating shyness and self confidence issues by going out and doing things alone, initiating conversations with strangers.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

I'm very good with "plumbing" as well, turns out I'm a great lover after all!

Also, now that I actually no longer have a continual financial drain of having to pay for my ex spouse's hobbies, there are other projects I've been able to undertake, like carpentry (build my GF some beautiful stairs, a shed for my campsite, a deck for a friend) and also vehicle repairs (brakes and rotors, drop springs, etc).


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

Weightlifting. More importantly, lifting technique. My dietary lifestyle isn't perfect but at the same time I eat healthier than ever before.

I've managed to keep my weight off and in the last 3 years through trial and error, I've found a sense of pride in not 'how much can you lift' but 'how well can you lift it'.

It's motivating to not only get compliments from others who share the same passion as I for weightlifting, it's even better having randoms come up to me and ask if they're doing certain workouts correctly.

One of the greatest tools I now have is my 'before' picture, no one in the gym can say "I can't do it" when I flash the ol' 300 lbs me. Haha.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

I learned I can handle power tools.

During my marriage my ex had an extensive tool collection. He thought himself extremely handy, and honestly, there were lots of things he could do. He also believed I was utterly unable to handle anything with a cord with the singular exception of the vacuum.

Turns out, I'm pretty handy myself, thank you very much.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

I've gotten into woodworking and back into photography. I've put both to good use.


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## pragmaster (May 7, 2014)

Oh man, tons!

1) I was totally betaized. When I realized this I read some books, took some therapy and now where I stand I am more confident, detached and decisive then ever. I used to have a lot of fear of loss and of abandonment, but I've destroyed those fears. Crushed em! Because of all that I also have a much clearer view of my limits, boundaries and things I will no longer accept from future partners. 

2) The divorce lead me to meeting people who have turned out to be amazing friends in every aspect possible. Got rid of the flakes. My true friends revealed themselves when I needed help the most. 

3) Took up some dance lessons, worked on my backyard, got my first tattoo, making plans to travel, cutting expenses, managing debt better, eating healthier, exercising, planning for some future education and taking much better care of myself overall.

4) No longer socially awkward or as bad as I used to be. I am fully happy and comfortable being me anywhere and anytime. I used to get nervous in public, cower. Now I stand tall, maintain my posture, maintain my eye contact. I am more solid then ever.

5) Getting back into gardening, homemade recordings and business. Everyday I get better at managing my time, saying no when necessary and not overbooking, making time for me and kicking butt at my video game.


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## SecondTime'Round (Jan 15, 2015)

I have a handyman on the way over to my house to do some basic things like hook up my fridge's water line and hang some pics so I am not a good example! 

I'd say the biggest thing was just being on top of all of my car "things" like inspections, tire rotations, etc.

Personally speaking, once I get settled I'm going to start painting (artistically....not my walls....will still hire someone for that because I HATE it.)


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

Personal grooming- since my divorce I have become more attuned to personal grooming - I keep my body hair trimmed. I have also changed my hairstyle. I used to keep it buzzed but now I have allowed to grow out. I have adopted a style that is still easy to maintain and looks good. I used to be a lot closer the hairy Rob Lowe in the past. I also pay more attention to how I dress. I guess I didn't care or didn't bother about these things in the past.
I also lost 45 pounds initially but have since put 20 of those pounds back on. I'd like to think it was all muscle but that isn't true. But I still feel much better being 20 pounds lighter than a year ago. I have been running since summer is here and not lifting as much anymore.


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## Nomorebeans (Mar 31, 2015)

Yoga. I can do The Plank for 2+ minutes. Working on getting to 3. I can also do 25 perfect push-ups when for many years I could barely do 1. I'm working on chin-ups now.


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## evolver (Dec 3, 2013)

Oh wow, more than I know probably.

Weight lifting. I started doing it after advice I received here and have stuck with it for almost two years now. It's great for self confidence by itself, but I had my first experience of a total stranger at a club hitting me, then her friend approaches and said "is she bothering you? She just like your muscles". Lol. It's lame, but I never got that before and it made my night

Cooking. My ex was a great cook. I refused to give up tasty and healthy food, so I taught myself. I'm no chef, but I can follow recipes like a pro.

Social stuff. I'm an introvert. My ex was really my only close friend. When she left, I was isolated and terrified. I've done a lot of work learning to be social. I still have to psych myself up to be social sometimes, but I'm no longer terrified and I now know that people actually DO seem to like me.

OH! And rock climbing! I discovered that I love doing that as a result of the social skills mentioned above.


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## honeysuckle04 (Jan 25, 2011)

Working on the car. I can change the battery, plugs, blower motor, lights, blower motor transistor thing all by myself.
I can play five instruments
speak four languages, only two of them fluently but I'm learning. 
Fix water pipes as well as knock them down with the mower.
Tear down a room full of wood paneling, replace sheet rock and build the room back up, paint the entire house inside and out.
Go through a divorce while going to school and raising a teenage daughter and preteen son. 
Not much I know but every little accomplishment is big to the one that achieves it. 
Next big accomplishment-find the right job. It'll come I know. 
It will be so satisfying when I realize I'm accomplished and h can only improve his finger dexterity and game playing skills.


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## Tobin (Jun 24, 2015)

I learned how to never trust another woman ever again.

Some get a longer lead than others but you can't ever let go completely.


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## Fenix (Jul 2, 2013)

Self confidence and well, let's just say I am a far better lover, but I think it is because I am not with a lying, cheating a-hole. The kraken can now be released!


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