# cheating wife



## magnaccen (Jun 8, 2012)

Hi , so me and my wife are already 10 years together , she can be sometimes difficult to deal with cause she doesnt really know sometimes what she wants. also we are having 2 children .

I went away for 3 months for work so i gave up our apartment during that time and a friend told us there is a spare room in my other friend house where 3 male were leaving there the one is 50 the other 30 but married and the last one is single and 36 not really good looking but a very good man .

so after the months have past my wife told me that the last man who is 36 of age is very helpful to her , every time she needs help he is helping her , he even found work for her.and spending time with her and my children on the beach sometimes.


the week before I came back from those 3 months I have realised that my wife has changed towards me.then day that i have arrived home she was completely strange , didnt really wanted to hug me or give me a kiss. then i have started to suspect the worst that she was cheating on me with him.

she told me that there was nothing between them and that she only wants to be friend with him. she also told me that the day before i arrived she gave him a hug and a kiss on his cheeck.

I got angry and we had a dispute then, the next day i went to one of our friend and talked to her about it. so she talked to my wife that she shouldn't have done so the same evening we were invited by our friend for dinner . then we came back to our house and my wife received a text message saying I LOVE YOU from the 36 old fella. I got angry and went into his room to confront him , but before that when my wife read the sms message she was shocked and all her body started to shake she told me she only wants to be friend with him.


I dont really know if she had slept with him or not , she isnt in love with him, cause she has been telling me all that time that there was only a hug and a kiss on his cheek to say thank you for helping me.

Her behaviour started to be strange 1 week before I came.
could please somebody tell me if she had slept with him or not.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

You need help. Check locally for the type of counsellor/s that you are requiring.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

She did.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

If a cheater says they kissed, it typically means they had sex. Such a half-confession serves to relieve the guilt.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

And the reason you threw your wife and children out of their apartment while you went away for three months working was...?


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## jh52 (Apr 29, 2012)

You wrote: "Hi , so me and my wife are already 10 years together , she can be sometimes difficult to deal with cause she doesnt really know sometimes what she wants. also we are having 2 children .

I went away for 3 months for work so i gave up our apartment during that time and a friend told us there is a spare room in my other friend house where 3 male were leaving there the one is 50 the other 30 but married and the last one is single and 36 not really good looking but a very good man .

"

First question is -- what the hell were you thinking giving up the apartment and having her move in with 3 men in a friends place?

If she cheated it is on her -- whether it's an EA or PA. But you put her in a position that she had contact with this man for three months -- actually living with him. 

You both need to see IC and work on yourselves -- then see a MC and work on your marriage.

Good luck !!


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## The Renegade (May 16, 2012)

Sorry, but a bit too quick judgment here. Men hit on women every day and they do not care if she is married or not. Women, especially if they have kids are more careful.

I'm not saying it didn't happen, but you want to read a bit more than just an sms. My wife gets these every day (and I know she's clean).


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## magnaccen (Jun 8, 2012)

first of all i did not throw my wife out of the apartment.
the reason why i looked up for her a room is because we wanted to move abroad and i just wanted to try to set up my business.
and also my wife is very catholic she isnt into sex.

I kept her asking over and over again if they had something she replied no .


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

magnaccen said:


> first of all i did not throw my wife out of the apartment.
> the reason why i looked up for her a room is because we wanted to move abroad and i just wanted to try to set up my business.
> and also my wife is very catholic she isnt into sex.
> 
> I kept her asking over and over again if they had something she replied no .



Just to let you know, it does not matter if a woman is catholic, Jehovah, Protestant, atheist. A woman living with 3 guys for a month is not good. And if your wife is healthy she IS into sex. Sorry to say, it just might be you she is not into sex with. 

Oh, and cheaters are the best at telling a lie. 

How many times have you had sex with her when you got back?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## survivorwife (May 15, 2012)

magnaccen said:


> first of all i did not throw my wife out of the apartment.
> the reason why i looked up for her a room is because we wanted to move abroad and i just wanted to try to set up my business.
> and also my wife is very catholic she isnt into sex.
> 
> I kept her asking over and over again if they had something she replied no .


Why do you not believe her then? Is it possible that she simply considers this OM as a helpful friend and nothing more? Was it not HE who expressed "love" to your wife and not the other way around? Is it possible that his feelings of "love" was just some sort of word usage to express friendship to her, and meant nothing to her?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Pardon me for being dense, but I'll rephrase my question.

Did your wife and your children have to take a room in a house whilst you worked abroad?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

3 months alone with 3 men... hmmmm


On a serious note, didn't you know this was going to happen when you left your wife with 3 sharks, for 3 months?


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

magnaccen said:


> she has been telling me all that time that there was only a hug and a kiss on his cheek to say thank you for helping me.


Thank for what exactly?


Get tested for STDs right away.


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

magnaccen said:


> first of all i did not throw my wife out of the apartment.
> the reason why i looked up for her a room is because we wanted to move abroad and i just wanted to try to set up my business.
> and also my wife is very catholic* she isnt into sex*.
> 
> I kept her asking over and over again if they had something *she replied no *.



She isnt into sex with you. Obviously. But she is with the other man.


Of course, she kept answering no. You are not ready for the truth. When you are less emotional, you'll realize she lied.


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## snap (Oct 3, 2011)

magnaccen said:


> and also my wife is very catholic she isnt into sex.


Please excuse me for a minute while am off to the corridor for laugh.

....

There. People's sexuality has little to do with their religion. We have so many men here who've been cheated on by their catholic wives so it's long due to create a sub-forum just for them.



> I kept her asking over and over again if they had something she replied no .


I never understood why would anyone take this as an any kind of affirmative. Suppose she did cheat on you, lied in your face already, why exactly you think she is going to have a moment of honesty now?


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## Kallan Pavithran (Jan 17, 2012)

Leaving your wife and children with three men...Really?

She is catholic and not into sex (may be with you) and she told you there is nothing, Then why cant you trust her? 

If still you have any doubt the ask her for a polygraph, Then see her reaction, if she agrees don't back off, do it.


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## husbandfool (May 20, 2012)

Awhile back I dated a seemingly very conservative, shy, religious, and proper women. I actually, at first, was a bit turned off by it. 
However, I found out later that she becomes a raging hornball in the bedroom. She was very agressive sexually, and she could do things that would make a porn star blush!
Ah, those were the days .... <sigh>

Moral of the story ... you never know!


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

magnaccen said:


> first of all i did not throw my wife out of the apartment.
> the reason why i looked up for her a room is because we wanted to move abroad and i just wanted to try to set up my business.
> and also my wife is very catholic she isnt into sex.
> 
> I kept her asking over and over again if they had something she replied no .


Your wife started shaking from stress or excitement when the message from the OM came in. 

My STBEH used to shake visibly when he ran into OW after Dday. IMO, it was because he was still physically attracted and addicted to her. He claimed, however, it was because he was nervous about my reaction. 

My STBEH was never a stud in bed. In fact he had a lot of difficulty and low sex drive. I never really care, even early in the marriage when my sex drive was higher. I felt there were other more important things in a marriage than sex.

Paradoxically people with sexual problems can often function well with an affair partner. At least they function well temporarily, until the excitement of a new sex buddy and the elicit nature of the affair where's off. Than they need another new partner for another sexual fix. 

The reason is opined to be that they can do more sexually explicit things with an affair partner than they can with a wife or husband due to the madonna/Wh*&re syndrome and this gets them more heated up.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Women, like men, can be weak. Your 3 month absence, coupled with the emotional and physical availability of another man, left her in a very vulnerable position. In NO way, shape or form am I excusing any betrayal on her part but only to open your eyes that it is very easy under those circumstances to succumb to temptation. You now have a decision to make, is it a deal breaker for you?


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

morituri said:


> Women, like men, can be weak. Your 3 month absence, coupled with the emotional and physical availability of another man, left her in a very vulnerable position. In NO way, shape or form am I excusing any betrayal on her part but only to open your eyes that it is very easy under those circumstances to succumb to temptation. You now have a decision to make, is it a deal breaker for you?


I don't think it is all that easy to succumb to temptation for a person with decent character.


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> I don't think it is all that easy to succumb to temptation for a person with decent character.


There is temptation, and then there is Temptation.

Forced abstinent separation from your spouse while living in close quarters with three healthy members of the opposite sex is likely to result in unintended consequences. This is a situation that would make a Nun think about shucking her habit. Well, obviously a Nun wouldn't have a husband, but I think you get my point.

OP never should have put or allowed his wife to be in that situation.

Wife should have moved when problems arose. No doubt, however, like an EA, there was a slippery slope and things picked up speed quickly.

I am NOT condoning it, but I can see why it happened.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Posse said:


> There is temptation, and then there is Temptation.
> 
> Forced abstinent separation from your spouse while living in close quarters with three healthy members of the opposite sex is likely to result in unintended consequences. This is a situation that would make a Nun think about shucking her habit. Well, obviously a Nun wouldn't have a husband, but I think you get my point.
> 
> ...


:iagree:

It would have been better if he had her live with her family or his family, not sharing a house with 3 single guys. 

But that's water under the bridge now, and yet another affair has resulted. 

And gave him a hug and a chaste peck on the cheek. Sure.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> I don't think it is all that easy to succumb to temptation for a person with decent character.


I agree. 

Anyone who succumbs to temptation had a cheating nature to begin with. 

Cheaters have a character flaw. That is why they call it cheating. A straying spouse cheats the faithful spouse out of time, attention, money, dignity, the ability to trust their own judgments, and exposes them to dangerous STDs. 

People who cheat have a serious character flaw, IMO.

It never just happens, too, it's always planned. 

Everyone of us here has been exposed to temptation throughout our marriages. STill the faithful spouses made a decision to honor their commitments, and the cheater made conscious decision to not honor them.


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

OP,
What stops you from giving her the benefit of doubt?

Is it her distancing from you and getting close with that 36 years old not good looking but a decent guy?

You left your family in a place with three men. Why do you ask such questions now?

Why did you confront her without evidence?

Now, go underground as if nothing happened, and observe. It is difficult for the people in affair to not to communicate. If you find objectionable communication between them, you have the answer.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Posse said:


> There is temptation, and then there is Temptation.
> 
> Forced abstinent separation from your spouse while living in close quarters with three healthy members of the opposite sex is likely to result in unintended consequences. This is a situation that would make a Nun think about shucking her habit. Well, obviously a Nun wouldn't have a husband, but I think you get my point.
> 
> ...


Uh, it was three months , for God's sake. 
Two nuns in my family, No way would they shuck their habits.


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> Uh, it was three months , for God's sake.
> Two nuns in my family, No way would they shuck their habits.


Like I said, I am not condoning what happened. What we think happened was WRONG.

That said, I still believe that leaving her with three healthy guys was a bad mistake.How many EA's grow like cancer in mere days or weeks? Disclosure: I made a rather similar mistake in my marriage once that came back to bite me hard.

No offense intended to your relatives. It was an exaggerated statement for effect.


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ask your wife to take a lie detector test, but her reaction alone will confirm your suspicions.
There a few hundred dollors.


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I agree.
> 
> Anyone who succumbs to temptation had a cheating nature to begin with.
> 
> ...


I agree with what you are saying, other than I don't think it is always planned.

I also honestly think any of us could cheat if presented with the perfect storm of wrong circumstances. Note that I said "wrong." 

Deep down, we all have a cheating nature. Some of us do a much better job of controlling it than others. If this were not the case, why would we need to try to avoid temptation?

Most of us avoid cheating by avoiding being in the situation where the perfect storm occurs. In other words, boundaries.

I understand that we have a lot of BS here. I am one myself. I don't believe that every WS is a demon from Hell, however. Some are pretty damn close, no doubt.

We all are a mixture of dark and light, Yin and Yang.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Sara8 said:


> I agree.
> 
> Anyone who succumbs to temptation had a cheating nature to begin with.
> 
> ...


Anyone can succumb to temptation. Fortunately, I never acted on any of the numerous opportunities I had during my marriage. However, put me on a deserted island with Monica Belucci and/or Kate Beckinsale and all bets would've been off. Such a scenario was not very likely, but anyone can cheat under the 'right' circumstances.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Posse said:


> Like I said, I am not condoning what happened. What we think happened was WRONG.
> 
> That said, I still believe that leaving her with three healthy guys was a bad mistake.How many EA's grow like cancer in mere days or weeks? Disclosure: I made a rather similar mistake in my marriage once that came back to bite me hard.
> 
> No offense intended to your relatives. It was an exaggerated statement for effect.


No problem, But, you seem to forget or overlook the fact that his wife is an adult, apparently unhandicapped mentally. It is not like leaving a kid or a pet around a birthday cake.
many of us who were married could do three months standing on our heads, and I supect , often did.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> Anyone can succumb to temptation. Fortunately, I never acted on any of the numerous opportunities I had during my marriage. However, put me on a deserted island with Monica Belucci and/or Kate Beckinsale and all bets would've been off. Such a scenario was not very likely, but anyone can cheat under the 'right' circumstances.


Then why blame your spouse? She just did what any of us would have, right?


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> No problem, But, you seem to forget or overlook the fact that his wife is an adult, apparently unhandicapped mentally. It is not like leaving a kid or a pet around a birthday cake.
> many of us who were married could do three months standing on our heads, and I supect , often did.


I have done many years standing on my head in regards to Fidelity. More than 15. That is me and my personal ethical code.

That said, I really think I am the exception. 

After 21 years in managing 250+ employees, being a cop, seeing the actions from others in my communities, and reading the news, I have come to believe that if you expect Kindergartner behavior from others, you will probably be on the mark.

What people should be is not what they are.

I believe this is sad fact.

Hypothetical:

If you were to be left on a desert island alone with the Coppertone Girls for a year, with all 50 of them flirting hard with you every single day and pressing your special buttons, do you think your defenses might wither?

Mine would. I avoid situations where I recognize I could be vulnerable because I know I need to to maintain my personal integrity.


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## Subi (Apr 4, 2012)

where is the owner of the thread? I hope you guys have not driven him to strangle his Nun. God the guy is so naive. 'she is catholic.she is not.into.sex'.i think she uses that instead of the popular, 'darling not tomight, I got a headache'
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Posse (Jan 30, 2012)

magnaccen, are you put there?


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## ulove (May 23, 2012)

obviously she cheated on you,no wonder all women are like that.


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## keko (Mar 21, 2012)

whitelamp said:


> Why do the owners of the these threads seem to just disappear? I assume some of it is the fact we have been very frank and direct with our comments and I imagine, makes them shy to come back with follow up. Magna?


Some of them don't like the answer's they're getting such as time to man up, kick the wh0re to the curb, etc.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

Posse said:


> I have done many years standing on my head in regards to Fidelity. More than 15. That is me and my personal ethical code.
> 
> That said, I really think I am the exception.
> 
> ...


As a mater of fact, I was on a desert island with that bunch last night, just before my daughter woke me up.

I see whaere you are going. But, you are taking the example to an extreme. 
This man left his wife for a mere three months with some farily non-descript guys. He did it in preparation for moving and for finacial reasons.
If you are out in the work force, you come across opportunities to cheat a lot, at least I did. For whatever reason, I found it relatively easy to resist for longe, long periods of time. And, while I agree that there are plenty of people who would not, I do not think we are as rare as you seem to feel we are.
His wife will encounter similar circumstances in life. Not living with guys, but guys hitting on her, husbnd absent for periods, boredom , pressures etc. 
This guy did nothing to contribute to the affair and any halfway devoted spouse would be able to go three months in that situation without cheating, IMO.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

We are all extrapolating on what very little information the OP has provided. Shouldn't we wait for more information from him before we proceed with further comments?


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

husbandfool said:


> Awhile back I dated a seemingly very conservative, shy, religious, and proper women. I actually, at first, was a bit turned off by it.
> However, I found out later that she becomes a raging hornball in the bedroom. She was very agressive sexually, and she could do things that would make a porn star blush!
> Ah, those were the days .... <sigh>
> 
> Moral of the story ... you never know!


:iagree:

This has been my experience.
As long as a man can get into a woman's mind , she will let him into her pants. Doesn't matter who he is.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> Then why blame your spouse? She just did what any of us would have, right?


She wasn't left on a deserted island with George Clooney and Brad Pitt.


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## l4u (Jun 6, 2012)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> She wasn't left on a deserted island with George Clooney and Brad Pitt.


BigLiam was trying to say that, to her, the circumstances she was in were the right ones to cheat.
Maybe she wouldn't be cheating if she were on a deserted island with G.C/B.P.
"Cheating under the right circumstances" is different for different people.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

I think there might be a cultural problem, here. I think the OP is probably residing in the Indian sub-continent.



> Also, we are having two children


 is an Indian English grammatical construction.

And yes, there are Catholics in India.


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

l4u said:


> BigLiam was trying to say that, to her, the circumstances she was in were the right ones to cheat.
> Maybe she wouldn't be cheating if she were on a deserted island with G.C/B.P.
> "Cheating under the right circumstances" is different for different people.


Point taken. Ultimately, human beings are complex creatures who are capable of doing both good and evil. I'm not in the camp that espouses that cheaters are villains who are incapable of doing anything good in their lives (e.g. being a good parent.) We're not all saints. Perhaps it wasn't the wisest thing for Magna to leave his wife for three months with three single males. Of course, she should have been strong enough to resist her primal urges. However, we should always err on the side of caution in situations that have the potential to turn out wrong.


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## zsu234 (Oct 25, 2010)

Awol


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Posse said:


> Like I said, I am not condoning what happened. What we think happened was WRONG.
> 
> That said, I still believe that leaving her with three healthy guys was a bad mistake.How many EA's grow like cancer in mere days or weeks? Disclosure: I made a rather similar mistake in my marriage once that came back to bite me hard.
> 
> No offense intended to your relatives. It was an exaggerated statement for effect.


Posse:

I have to disagree here. 

A spouse should be able to trust their spouse in a houseful of men or women. 

Temptation is everywhere. If a person is at all attractive they are likely hit on many times in a week. 

But sex is like drugs, just say no once you make the marriage vow. Otherwise, if a person can't keep their danged underwear on when exposed to people of the opposite sex, then don't take the vow.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Posse said:


> Deep down, we all have a cheating nature. Some of us do a much better job of controlling it than others. If this were not the case, why would we need to try to avoid temptation?


I don't agree with the statement about avoiding temptation. My statement and position is one should stay faithful despite temptation. 

When I was employed at one company, part of my job was to meet with one client daily at his estate home. He was an extremely wealthy widower.

He took a liking to me and with his private lear jet he was very tempting. I loved my husband and just said no, even though his wealth and looks were intriguing. 



> We all are a mixture of dark and light, Yin and Yang.


I agree with that statement. But faithful spouses manage to stay in the light. There are many many people who choose to never cheat. 

As for it being possible that an affair just happens. 

There are reputable studies that claim this is not so. The studies have shown that prior to cheating the cheater has long ago made a conscience decision to do so. 

Some cheaters convince themselves they have a reason. Some convince themselves it just happened. Some think its okay because they don't think they will ever get caught and some do it hoping to get caught and to force a spouse to end the marriage so they don't have to.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

What makes us different, is that we are aware of how easy it is to fall into one. Therefore, we remind ourselves of our vows and stop it before it goes any further. We are not naive enough to believe that a platonic friendship between a man and a woman cannot become something much more if we allow it to. We therefore choose to act with integrity, not just for our spouse's sake but for ours as well.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

I think there is a greater difference. Non Cheaters have more of a conscience, IMO.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Many cheaters also have the capacity for self deception that allows them to justify crossing marital boundaries thinking that they are not in danger of eventually falling into an affair.


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## Fvstringpicker (Mar 11, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> Non Cheaters have more of a conscience, IMO.


Remember, up until a certain point in time, everybody is a non-cheater.


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## Subi (Apr 4, 2012)

There is something very strange with this thread. I swear it changed titles from devastated to wife cheated or cheating wife. But where is the.author? I think it is a troll.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Subi said:


> There is something very strange with this thread. I swear it changed titles from devastated to wife cheated or cheating wife. But where is the.author? I think it is a troll.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Maybe. But don't forget!


> Also, we are having two children


Where did THEY sleep? In a box in the kitchen?
:rofl:


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

Subi said:


> There is something very strange with this thread. I swear it changed titles from devastated to wife cheated or cheating wife. But where is the.author? I think it is a troll.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

magnaccen said:


> Hi , so me and my wife are already 10 years together , she can be sometimes difficult to deal with cause she doesnt really know sometimes what she wants. also we are having 2 children .
> 
> I went away for 3 months for work so i gave up our apartment during that time and a friend told us there is a spare room in my other friend house where 3 male were leaving there the one is 50 the other 30 but married and the last one is single and 36 not really good looking but a very good man .
> 
> ...


You know finances in life could be tough. I would never leave my wife for three months with three men. I think just being willing to do this is an issue. But it is highly likely things happened here that you would not like.

Essentially he took your place. Read into that what you want. It was predictable. No man makes tgat kind of investment without purpose. They have been intimate. To what extent who knows.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

magnaccen said:


> first of all i did not throw my wife out of the apartment.
> the reason why i looked up for her a room is because we wanted to move abroad and i just wanted to try to set up my business.
> *and also my wife is very catholic she isnt into sex.*
> 
> I kept her asking over and over again if they had something she replied no .


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Well she may just not be into sex with you.

I hate to be hurtful, but this comment is absurd.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

Sara8 said:


> Posse:
> 
> I have to disagree here.
> 
> ...


Whether they should or should not be able to trust this is all nice and intellectual. This is still a very unreasnable thing to do. You do not entrust your wife in a house full of men not her relatives. There is no reason one should trust these men.

You do not put yourself in such a risky situation. This is an example of an unreasonable boundary. He also showed low value by allowing this. In such a setting she going to have needs met.

Just saying that either one can keep their vows or not is more than a tad naive. This is an extreme situation and is not the same as not taking a trip on some guys lear jet. LOL. Certainly you should be able to resist such a thing. That is a clear moral choice in temptation. This is about having needs met. Her husband is away for three months. This is about her becoming emotional attached to someone who is meeting her needs. I am not excusing this. I am suggesting that any man who left his wife in a house with three men not her relatives is out of his freaking mind and more often than not is going to have marital problems over this.

Having seen how long separations impact military famlies one can see that this is absurd. Even in a military separation one does not typically leave you wife in a house with three other men. I am not saying it does not happen. Wanna bet how often that works out well? I have seen peoples personalities and baoundaries erode under such circumstances. It is amazing. Often women feel they have been abandoned. This is the most common feeling. How could their husband leave them? In this case how could their husband leave them and leave them with these men?


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

It's one thing to find oneself in dangerous places because of work requirements, and quite another to seek them out on our own.


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## magnaccen (Jun 8, 2012)

I am going to tell you again , those 3 men we only new 2 of them . the one has a familly the other one too, the guy who was aged 36 is single I had to look for a room cause i was the only one working i wanted to open my business in france and if it would have worked my wife would have joined me.
#
what I also found out that one of the lad has his bedroom right beside the single guy and i asked him did you hear anything , was my wife in the room and he said no .

then what was strange for him is that every time the single guy came home was always looking around and hanging around with my wife but he never touched her .he had feelings for her.


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## Sara8 (May 2, 2012)

Entropy3000 said:


> Whether they should or should not be able to trust this is all nice and intellectual. This is still a very unreasnable thing to do. You do not entrust your wife in a house full of men not her relatives. There is no reason one should trust these men.


Of course there is no reason to trust the men, but he should be able to trust his wife.

It was financial situation not of his making and rooming with them was convenient



> Just saying that either one can keep their vows or not is more than a tad naive. This is an extreme situation and is not the same as not taking a trip on some guys lear jet.


How is it different? I was alone daily at this man's house for work? The lear jet was just an example of his wealth. My STBEH was struggling financially at that time in his own job and my income was important. 

It has been said that cheating men are attracted to a younger companion that makes them feel virile. 

And cheating woman are attracted to alpha males who can spend money on them. A lear jet screams alpha and money. I didn't take the bate despite his frequent invitations.



> It is amazing. Often women feel they have been abandoned. This is the most common feeling. How could their husband leave them? In this case how could their husband leave them and leave them with these men?


Huh. He left her there for a valid reason. That's obvious.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

What about family members? Couldn't you have placed your wife and children with one of them?


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## lovelygirl (Apr 15, 2012)

magnaccen said:


> I am going to tell you again , those 3 men we only new 2 of them . the one has a familly the other one too, the guy who was aged 36 is single I had to look for a room cause i was the only one working i wanted to open my business in france and if it would have worked my wife would have joined me.
> #
> what I also found out that one of the lad has his bedroom right beside the single guy and i asked him did you hear anything , was my wife in the room and *he said no *.
> 
> then what was strange for him is that every time the single guy came home was always looking around and hanging around with my wife *but he never touched her *.he had feelings for her.


The saddest part of this is that you don't know for sure what really happened. EVEN THOSE 2 OTHER GUYS don't know anything fore real and can't say for sure, eventhough they didn't hear any noise. You don't have to make noises to call it a cheating and again, you don't have to make a noise to touch someone.
And if something happened, chances are they all agreed to keep it a secret.

It's still a surprise for me how you decided to throw your wife out there, in the middle of 3 other men. 
You are to blame and so is she.


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## BigLiam (May 2, 2012)

morituri said:


> What about family members? Couldn't you have placed your wife and children with one of them?


Uh, why should he have to? Is he supposed to be her parent? Didn't she take vows?
The paternalistic/guard your spouse role would just suck for me. If I can abide by my vows, my spouse should be able to.
What about this guy? His wife let him go to a strange , new locale without her. If he cheated, would it be because she allowed this?


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## Count of Monte Cristo (Mar 21, 2012)

BigLiam said:


> Uh, why should he have to? *Is he supposed to be her parent? *Didn't she take vows?
> The paternalistic/guard your spouse role would just suck for me. If I can abide by my vows, my spouse should be able to.
> What about this guy? His wife let him go to a strange , new locale without her. If he cheated, would it be because she allowed this?


No, he's not her parent but he is her protector. No way in hell would I leave my wife alone with three men. He's lucky that she isn't over at the surviving rape forum.


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## morituri (Apr 1, 2011)

Count of Monte Cristo said:


> No, he's not her parent but he is her protector. No way in hell would I leave my wife alone with three men. He's lucky that she isn't over at the surviving rape forum.


:iagree:

And the children as well. Their lives could also be in danger.


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