# Husband says he can live w/o sex



## puffs31 (Aug 12, 2010)

I've posted here once before, but seem to be in the same situation and just needed some advice.

I've been married to my husband, who I love very much, for 4 years and I just don't think I can put up with his non-need for sex. We rarely ever have sex and when we do its because I've had to beg for it. That is part of what makes it so not enjoyable ffor me, but also sex is always the same. I get nothing and I do all the giving.

When I talk to him about how frustrating this is for me he just acts like it's not a big deal. He says he doesn't need sex, that he can live w/o it. That hes strressed because he doesn't have a job, but its been that way for 3 1/2 years and the sex was the same before he lost his job. He'll make a date with me to have sex and then forget all about it and there is never a rain check. IT also doesn't help that he just doesn't take care of himself, showering, brushing his teeth and hair. It's all so sad to me.

I'm at the point where I just feel trapped, like I have to get the hell out of this marriage, I've already wasted so much time trying to make this work. I like sex, need it and want it. I don't feel like his wife, just a friend. Anyone ever been in this situation, have any advice that'll help. We are suppose to see a therapist friday, but now hes saying he's not sure he wants to go. If he's not willing to work with me, what do I do next? I just can't live like this anymore.

Thanks in advance for any help I can get1


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Sex isn't all that important to my wife, either but I make it clear that it's important to me and I think it's vital to the success of the marriage. She has been trying harder. Let him know you understand that sex isn't a big deal for him but that you wish to have a complete and happy marriage and living like brother and sister just isn't going to cut it for you. You're willing to work on things as long as he is as well. If the problem isn't important to him that means you're not important to him. In short, going to counseling isn't optional for him. Withholding sex is a form of abuse and like any other form of abuse, it has to be corrected if you two expect to have a healthy, happy relationship.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

If you have no children, I would recommend divorce. A huge percent of the male population loves sex.


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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

It's more than just intercourse, obviously. He's floundering. You're helpless to stop it.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

Has he been tested for low testosterone? 

You deserve a loving intimate relationship, in which you feel cherished and desired.

If you are not getting that and have given him plenty of time/ chances to change then leave.


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## magnoliagal (Mar 30, 2011)

Hicks said:


> If you have no children, I would recommend divorce. A huge percent of the male population loves sex.


Yep time to go. I wouldn't even bother with the therapist. This goes a bit beyond that.


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## alphaomega (Nov 7, 2010)

Hicks said:


> If you have no children, I would recommend divorce. A huge percent of the male population loves sex.


Yes. Like 99.9999% of the male population.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## puffs31 (Aug 12, 2010)

Thanks all! We dont have any kids so that's a really great thing. And I will try the therapy, but I think I already know that things here won't change. Still, it's the last thing I can do to try and save my marriage. I do think the fact that it's important to me should make it important to him and he should at least try to have sex with me as often as possible. But he's already proven that that just isn't how he views things and never will after years of trying to help him see it that way.

No, haven't had his testosterone tested. Thought of it awhile back but he says he's not spending the money on a Dr. for that reason. Ugh...
We'll see how things go friday, I'm hoping having another person telling him what I know he needs to hear will help. But it's just hope. I know that there is almost 0% this will work. Its scary to think about moving on from him, but I know I'll heal from that kind of hurt. What I won't heal from is staying with him and being frustrated, angry and resentful everyday for the rest of my life.


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## sntdwn2ufrmhvn (May 20, 2010)

basically you only have a few options. #1, try to get him to change which is a long shot and you have to wait for hell to freeze over. lol so good luck with that one. #2, have an affair...get what you need and stay with your hubby to "save your marriage" or option #3, leave and then get what you need. sucks to say but option #2 is looking great for me, because i've already been divorced once, and now i have 2 kids, and i'm just not going through it again.


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## puffs31 (Aug 12, 2010)

I'd never have an affair. I just have too much love and respect for people for that, never been my style.

I was just thinking that I told my husband a few weeks ago that he's never made me orgasm,(he orgasms everytime we've had sex) I thought that would spur him on to make it happen between us, but instead he just acted like I never said a word. So sad...

i sadly think my only option is divorce. He just likes to get the deed done, no fun stuff in between. just not my style. I like to try new things and he doesn't. Maybe I'm just not attractive to him anymore, I have gained 10lbs since we met and he's always dated little skinny women. I don't know, it's all a disaster. I'm just rambling now.

Thanks for all the tips! Time to bit the bullet!


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## adv (Feb 26, 2011)

In regards to you gaining 10 pounds over four years; my wife gained about 55 pounds over 16 years years but I still could not keep my hands off of her. I really hope that isn't his problem.

About the lose of job; I was unemployed for longer than I ever thought possible after relocating to be closer to family and it did cause depression and loss of self-worth in me which killed my sex drive for a while.

Overall, he needs to care for himself before he can care for your needs but if he is stuck in this mode, with no children to think of, I think your needs should be your priority at this time.


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## jezza (Jan 12, 2011)

Puffs - if he says he can live without sex, tell him that you can't and what does he suggest....?
Put the ball back in his court...


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