# Why does the fun have to end?



## justforfun1222 (Feb 6, 2013)

Just wondering why the fun that you had when you were dating, has to end when you are married? I just don't think life should be serious all the time, I do remember being a kid, and I find myself Jealous of my teenagers and early 20 kids that are still out having fun~ So what do you think causes the fun to end when you get married?

:scratchhead:


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## melw74 (Dec 12, 2013)

Nope, It does not have to end. When my son goes out hes 19, I go with him .

Were far from serious, I have 5 children, and sometimes what with my hubby i think i have 6, hes a real joker, and hes always mucking about and having a laugh, its keeps me sane. 

I think what causes the fun to cease, Is taking everything to seriously, my husband is so out going an down to earth, hes always happy and go lucky, he keeps me smiling.

(Kids always go to him if there is something they really want as they know they have more chance in getting what they want from him.... ( he gives in easily).

I think you need to live life to the full, Life is to short to be unhappy all the time.

We still have our Saturday night, group of friends of ours come over we have a drink, nibbles, bit of music, games....... We just have fun.

Fun does not have to end just because you get married, It has not for us anyway.


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## YupItsMe (Sep 29, 2011)

The premise of your question fails. It doesn't have to end. 

A better but still rather useless question is "Why does it end?" not "why does it have to end?" 

Laziness, complacency, resentment, mental illness, substance abuse, personal weakness, lack of integrity, ineffective or nonexistent boundaries, toxic influences, confusion, stupidity, mismatched libido, hormonal issues, health challenges, financial strain are good guesses but then you already knew that. 

The best question is "how do you fix all the issues listed above?" Use the search, there are threads on all of them. Then accept that it cant always work because even with the best approach known fully comprehending every last detail, sometimes it's just a bridge too far so it isn't going to happen. You can only control half of a relationship and the other half has other ideas. It takes full commitment from both.


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## SpinDaddy (Nov 12, 2012)

Depends on what you mean by fun. If you mean going to a club on a Friday night until early Saturday morning, well that was back in the 20’s (if even then) because now we’ve got swim meets to drag ourselves to at 5:30 on Saturday morning, scouting events, PTA functions and church activities. Is that fun – you bet!

I’d suggest using the here and now as your baseline for getting the most out of life today. Care free youth is just that – eventually we all have to grow up. That doesn’t mean that life isn’t a joy when you ultimately have to wear the Daddy or Mommy pants. It’s just different.


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## Adeline (Jan 24, 2014)

Do you mean in general, or with your spouse? I suppose that it is when you are dating that you don't have things together like a house and a mortgage and bills to pay or for many their children. When you're dating it's all carefree and oftentimes a welcome escape from "reality" when you are together. Your realities aren't one just yet. Then that changes when you get married, you share the same reality. Also when you're first dating EVERYONE is "perfect." We think they can do no wrong and can't get enough of them.

It's true though, it's sad that that fades away. But every relationship is different in how much. For me, my husband was even crazier and more carefree than I was in the beginning of our relationship. He was a breath of fresh air! Always positive to a fault, and found joy in doing small stupid things, which was how I was too. Then that changed, and not even when we got married, but rather out of no where after having been married for several years. Actually "fun" is the word that comes up a lot, because it seems like he can't have fun doing anything. Other than his job I suppose. He is always unhappy. I too wish that we could go back to we had fun together.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I remember the lady IC that I consulted during the separation and divorce proceedings phase, told me the answer to this very same question. 

She theorized that most "waywards" come to ultimately look upon their marriage as a rather long, slow-moving movie, that starts off fast and exciting, then eventually goes into a slow, mundane, monotonous mode that they soon after find that themselves wanting to extricate themselves from ~ so they soon go outside of the marriage to, self-servingly, find all of "the excitement" that they erroneously feel that they are missing; and more often than not, it's with either a person from their past, or with a co-worker!

And after thinking this through, I really can't help but think that this lady IC knows exactly what it is that she's talking about!*


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## PinkSalmon13 (Nov 7, 2013)

This is a great topic, thank you!! I have been thinking about this same thing for quite awhile now, and was beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I'm 52, but my mind and soul are 25. Will have to give some leeway on the body - I'll put it at 35 

Man, the things that excite me have nothing to do with money or status or sports cars or a chemically drenched showcase lawn. I want to strap on a backpack and travel rough all over the world, down ancient cobblestones, or hut-to-hut in the Alps, or across the outback........I want to ride my bicycle around Europe again.....I want to sleep under the summer stars in France......I want to build schools and teach in India.......I'd like to take up surfing.....I want to ride a British Enfield Bullet motorcycle up and over Nepal and down onto the Ganges Plain. I want to spend a winter month in the Dolomites or the Appenines......and so on, and so on, and so on.

I have a very good job and 15 weeks of vacation each year. I am also married to someone who isn't much interested in any of these things.....or affection, intimacy, and sex.

GUYS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN, TOO, DAMNIT!!!

To answer your question, I think 'routine' is a fun-killer. Years and years of it. And when what floats each partner's boat is different, it's hard to keep finding fun. I do know some couples who are totally on the same page in their hobbies, interests, senses of humor, etc, and it's great......I watch them with envy....then try to remember the last time I laughed so hard with my wife....and can't.

Time. Time and divergent interests. They are the thieves of fun.


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