# Husband's Secret Spending...



## isabelle76 (May 31, 2010)

My husband has always handled our finances and has been very responsible with money... no late payments, excellent credit, etc. He makes decent money and we don't spend beyond our means, so I only get online to check our finances every so often. Yesterday happened to be one of those days and I was shocked to see a maxed out credit card (no questionable charges) and a nearly depleted savings account (this particular account rarely dips below $8,000). When I looked up the transactions there were multiple cash withdrawals, $5000 of which occurred in the last 7 weeks. I confronted him and he quickly tried to explain the reasons, none of which panned out when I did my research this morning. I am livid that he is lying to me about this and now trying to blow it off as him just being irresponsible with his money, asking me to take over the bills. My main concern is that there is absolutely nothing to show for where the money could have gone... no new clothes, trips, toys, etc. This is completely out of character for my husband so it's new territory for me and I feel like I am at a loss for what to do/think. If you have any feedback or advice for me I would really appreciate it. Thank you.


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

I can certainly relate to your frustration. Keep digging--that money went somewhere. In my own situation, the estranged husband was siphoning money out of our business right and left. He was taking somewhere between 15 to 25K out every month. Yet, his credit cards were maxed out and other things were finally repossessed. On the surface he had nothing. He never did basic maintenance on his car; the tires are all smoother than a baby's bottom. It was just crazy! However, I kept digging. It turns out his habit was sex. When he turned 40 he started keeping company with the 20 something year old girls--and they aren't cheap. He was basically spending tons of money on them and had absolutely nothing to show for that. He did have a very fancy secret wardrobe though. Hope you get to the bottom of this before it wipes you out.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

He's either cheating or he has an addiction.


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## galaxy (Jun 14, 2010)

Try to get it out from him in a patient and tactful way. Make new spending rules and make them more transparent. If you find something that is worrisome, have a frank discussion to find a way out.


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## fishfast41 (Dec 12, 2010)

Only place I ever saw money go that fast was cocaine addiction


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## GuiltyAsCharged (Dec 27, 2010)

He's got an Oxy addiction. I know from experience. That the only way to blow money that fast and have nothing to show for it. I would dig into his friends and get them to spill<


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## healthybaby (Nov 27, 2010)

Is it possible that he loan the money to his friend and doesnt want to let you know because he's afraid that you would object it? Or give away the money to his parents/brothers and sisters who need help financially or as a gift? (it happens a lot in my culture)



MxRacer965 said:


> Wow, everybody sure does jump to some pretty negative stuff pretty quick! Sugar daddy (or prostitutes), drug addiction, etc. Maybe he has a gambling problem? While not GOOD, it's certainly better than the alternatives mentioned here (IMO anyway).
> 
> The best advice given though was to keep digging, the money went somewhere. Keep an open mind though and don't jump to conclusions.


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## russ101 (Jan 8, 2010)

I had a very similar situation with my wife. It only came about when she started questioning me about where all my money goes (I could account for 95% of it and after that I started recording every time I spent $5 or more on anything in the checkbook). I pay virtually all of the bills (95%) and my wife pays the rest, even though she makes half of what I do, she should still have most of her check every month since she is only responsible for buy the kids clothes. I then started questioning where all HER money was going. She gave me a bunch of BS and finally after several days it came out (she was giving her loser brother $600 a month to help him pay his bills because he kept giving her sob stories. Maybe your husband is giving someone else money? It's worth looking into.


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## couple (Nov 6, 2010)

I find it very interesting (and good) that he has offered for you to take over the finances. Clearly he must have some kind of secret that's siphoning the money but one would think that if he was addicted to drugs, has a prostitute habit, massage parlors, mistress, gambling addiction, etc, he would be desperate that his fuel for the activity is not cut off which is what would happen if you take over the finances.

Or perhaps he does have one of these problems and you taking over is his cry for help and his way of trying to put an end to a problem that he otherwise can't control himself.

Did he always use cash for real shopping (rather than just trivial walking around money)? If his vice is 'just' mall shopping then I would expect this would be via credit or debit unless he always has been a user of cash.

just noticed the date of the OP...i'll post anyway since i've completed my thought.


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