# Crossdressing with spouse



## Fritz (Apr 3, 2009)

Any one experience or want to experience this with their wife's participation? I have wanted to do this for years and but my spouse is totally against this and I remain in closet...


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

If she is against it then what can you do? Maybe, try to educate her a bit.

Does she get mad? How is she against it?


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Never tried that, but IMO anything you do behind closed doors with your wife is a go. Providing of course that she agrees.
I cannot understand why a spouse would freak on this. Would she prefer you do it in public, by yourself?

I believe accommodating kinks is one of the most neglected aspects of sex in a monogamous marriage. Hell, why don't we all go back to the way the Puritans used to have sex. Cut a hole between the sheets and just get it over with.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Fritz said:


> Any one experience or want to experience this with their wife's participation? I have wanted to do this for years and but my spouse is totally against this and I remain in closet...


Your spouse is totally against it because the two of you tried it and it was repulsive OR this is what you just "think" how your spouse will react?

I once had an awkward kink that my wife was willing to try with me, but she found it very repulsive. What I got from that experience was that she was willing to try and that meant a lot to me. The fact that she did not enjoy it likely gave me a healthier view on what I was trying as something that is great in fantasy but not that great in reality, and I have not ever had a desire to explore that particular kink (different than cross dressing) again. 

So I think it is fair to ask your spouse to at least try it, and then opinions after that point are at least more sincere. However I admit my wife tried my kink expecting to like it and discovered that she did not, so you may be in a no win situation if your spouse is already predisposed with a negative opinion.

Regards,
Badsanta


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

No and no. 

On the other hand, have you discussed it? I ask because you say you are still in the closet. Sometimes a loving partner will rethink their position if you actually talk about it and she realizes it would be important to you...


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

Your spouse is against it because women want their man to be strong and protective and a man who dresses like a woman is weak.

Just drop the subject entirely and learn to live with keeping it in the closet.

Cross dressing, strap ons, cuckholding, and other gay type things have no place in a healthy heterosexual relationship.


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## TheMoon (Feb 3, 2016)

I had a friend who went through this. His desire to crossdress during sex completely killed all attraction she had toward him. Admittedly, I would also lose most attraction for my husband in this case. Perhaps your wife feels the same and doesn't want to do it because death of attraction will harm the marriage. Perhaps she is protecting the narriage in her own way. I'm just throwing that out there.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bkyln309 (Feb 1, 2015)

It would be a deal breaker for me. Usually the relationships dont end well.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

header said:


> Cross dressing, strap ons, cuckholding, and other gay type things have no place in a healthy heterosexual relationship.


Gay type things? 

Don't judge much eh?


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

anonmd said:


> Gay type things?
> 
> Don't judge much eh?


That's how many people see it and it is helpful to the op to understand that.

If my husband wanted to cross dress, I don't know what I'd do. I married a man and am not interested in a feminine man, so that would not turn me on at all. It might cause me to lose attraction to him. I wouldn't shame him or be angry with him, but would ask him to go to therapy to get to the bottom of why he wanted to do that.

I understand what badsanta is saying, but this could literally kill your marriage if your wife did it just to please you and consequently lost her attraction to you entirely. It could destroy the marriage.

If you are having a strong urge to do this, I recommend that you seek therapy to find out why and find ways to deal with it, so it doesn't become and obsession or something that creates shame in your life.
Speaking of shame, I just posted this on another thread. It's very interesting. Brené Brown: Listening to shame | TED Talk | TED.com


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Yes, many people are bigots. It is helpful for them to realize it.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

anonmd said:


> Yes, many people are bigots. It is helpful for them to realize it.


People have different opinions on things. You can call them anything you want, but you are only building an adversarial dynamic, when understanding is more helpful and it breaks down walls, rather than building them. Your comments don't help the op to gain understanding, but put more pressure on him to respond negatively. This should not turn into a big negative conversation. He came here for help, not to be part of an argument. Your comments are argumentative.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

I do not think my comment to the original poster was argumentative. 

Some of my comments to the more narrow minded responses were. FWIW, I thought your response was reasonable .


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

anonmd said:


> Gay type things?
> 
> Don't judge much eh?


Gay men act gay and do feminine things.

That's not being judgemental, it's being factual.


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## anonmd (Oct 23, 2014)

Gay men have sex with men. Some may do feminine things, many do not. 

Cuckholding is not a gay thing. Could be I suppose but it seems mostly a hetero thing . 

Strapping on a fake penis is not a gay thing. 

Cross dressing is not generally a gay thing. A Trans thing yes, gay thing rarely. 

Gathering up every activity you do not engage in or like and calling it gay insults a very large number of people.


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@fritz

You posted this on 2010...


Fritz said:


> I had a post here a while back you might want to check out. I am a crossdresser and my wife takes part. I think its more fun for her than for me. I was quite embarressed first but got over it when we did some therapy.



Did you divorce and remarry?


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## header (Nov 14, 2015)

anonmd said:


> Gay men have sex with men. Some may do feminine things, many do not.


I have never, ever met a gay man that doesn't act feminine.



anonmd said:


> Cuckholding is not a gay thing. Could be I suppose but it seems mostly a hetero thing .


I don't really know, it's certainly weak and just plain weird. 



anonmd said:


> Strapping on a fake penis is not a gay thing.


I don't know.. I like my ass played with when we're having sex. A vibrator around or partially in there gives me explosive orgasms. Don't think I'd want anything really shoved up there but I could see why some heterosexual guys enjoy the prostate stimulation. Now, go and strap a dildo onto your girlfriend and have her ram you up the ass with it? She is now symbolizing another man and it's totally GAY.



anonmd said:


> Cross dressing is not generally a gay thing. A Trans thing yes, gay thing rarely.


I don't know. As I said, every gay man I've ever met acts like a woman, and dressing like a woman isn't all that different. 



anonmd said:


> Gathering up every activity you do not engage in or like and calling it gay insults a very large number of people.


It's not like I'm saying Jewish people are cheap or black people are criminals or women can't drive.

I'm saying gay people act.. gay. Some of my theories could be wrong but it's not completely out of the blue.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Fritz said:


> Any one experience or want to experience this with their wife's participation? I have wanted to do this for years and but my spouse is totally against this and I remain in closet...


Never have experienced it. Wore pantihose once in the army -it was suppose to help with cold -i guess they weren't exactly pantihose....but they sure looked like it....felt pretty damn weird to me...and I was still cold. 

Seems like a risky thing to do with your wife. I mean -maybe she doesn't want the mental image of you in a dress.


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## Cynthia (Jan 31, 2014)

header said:


> I'm saying gay people act.. gay. Some of my theories could be wrong but it's not completely out of the blue.


I think this thread has gotten off topic with all this discussion about what gay is. What it boils down to is that "gay" or homosexual is when a person wants to have sex with someone their own gender. That is a homosexual relationship. There is no indication that the OP wants to have sex with a man. He wants to dress as a woman and have sex with his wife. Technically that is not "gay," but his wife may feel uncomfortable with it, because it's not what most would consider to be masculine behavior. Most women expect their husband to be masculine, not a manly version of themselves.


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

It's more of a "tranny" tendency than a "gay" tendency in my opinion.

Example: Bruce Jenner dresses like a woman but says she's not gay either cause she still likes women.

Though if he's now a she and she's into girls doesn't that make her a lesbian (ie homosexual)?

I gave up trying to understand it a long time ago lol.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

OP:

Try reading some Simone de Beauvoir


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

MarriedDude said:


> OP:
> 
> 
> 
> Try reading some Simone de Beauvoir



Why do you want him to read some of Simone de Beauvoir's work? 


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

spinsterdurga said:


> Why do you want him to read some of Simone de Beauvoir's work?
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


*"humanity is male and man defines woman not in relation to herself but as relative to him"*

might help him to better separate his ideal of feminine to its reality. If the gender idea of female iss such that it is defined by what is not-male....then why would he want his male form in a dress..Maybe give him a better understanding of himself and why he would want to crossdress. 

Could be wrong -but She is very eye opening -at least was to me.


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## Grogmiester (Nov 23, 2015)

MarriedDude said:


> *"humanity is male and man defines woman not in relation to herself but as relative to him"*
> 
> might help him to better separate his ideal of feminine to its reality. If the gender idea of female iss such that it is defined by what is not-male....then why would he want his male form in a dress..Maybe give him a better understanding of himself and why he would want to crossdress.
> 
> Could be wrong -but She is very eye opening -at least was to me.


Sorry for the mini thread jack ,,,

WOW ,,,, I think I read your reply 5 times before could even begin to understand the concept you were describing. That sounds like pretty heavy reading ! 

I'm guessing clothing is assigned a gender as defined in the era it's worn according to socially defined appropriateness?

Ya learn something new everyday on TAM, thanks

Again ,,,, sorry for the mini thread jack.


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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

MarriedDude said:


> *"humanity is male and man defines woman not in relation to herself but as relative to him"*
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Oh I see. I was just asking out of curiosity. I like Beauvoir, but a lot of guys I know don't, so I was surprised by your post. 


Op, I'm confused since a few years ago you said your wife was ok with it. 


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

Might as well toss in my 2 cents. 

Rather than arguing with each other what is "gay" non-heterosexual, etc. lets refocus on the OP's question about cross dressing. Let's play nice together rather than jump each other!

I can understand and wish to echo that many women want a "strong" male image. Not all, but many, so the OP needs to understand if that is the issue with his wife. To do that he needs to talk to her.

I would say that depending on what the OP means by "cross dressing" and the degree the OP wants to get into it, may be something that wife is not able to handle, at least initially.

If the OP feels he really want to explore this to some degree, I suggest that he talk to his wife about it and tell her he does not want to embarrass his wife or do anything that looses her respect for him. 

I know a couple of guys who claim Scottish ancestry and regularly on festive occasions wear kilts and full regalia in their clan tartans in public. If you look up the history of the Scots in the British military it is anything but "unmanly or un-masculine." 

I had an Aikido martial arts instructor who wore the traditional wide pleated trousers called a hakama that look pretty "dress-like." No one in his or her right mind would have thought that guy couldn't have wiped the floor with anyone in the room. 

And speaking of pretty pleated white skirts, anyone seen a Sufi whirling dervish skirt called an entari.

The point of this, is that in most things, taking small gentle steps may allow one or both partners to get comfortable with something, prior to going farther with the fantasy. 

If the OP waits until say Halloween or Carnival or the local Highland Games to dress up in say an "appropriate theme skirt" and then proves to his wife that he is still the masculine husband she fell in love with, he might be able to explore things, but at a much slower pace than if his wife was open to the his kink.

The point is take small steps for your wife and prove you aren't going to dress up as a drag queen or Shirley Temple and expect her to go out with you in public.

P.S. The two guys who dress up in Scottish kilts, usually have a group of women around them and at least several times a night the Scots are asked what they are wearing under the kilts.

http://www.menstuff.org/issues/byissue/meninskirts.html


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## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
I have no problem with cross dressing, but some people do. If the OP's wife finds it objectionable, there may be no good solution. OP - how important is this to you?


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

header said:


> I have never, ever met a gay man that doesn't act feminine.


All gay men do NOT act feminine. One of my brothers is gay, looks like George Clooney and you'd never know he is gay. His boyfriend also isn't obviously gay. 

An old and dear friend of mine is also gay, and not obviously so. 

So no, they DON'T all act feminine. Anymore than all women act manly.


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## ing (Mar 26, 2011)

frusdil said:


> All gay men do NOT act feminine. One of my brothers is gay, looks like George Clooney and you'd never know he is gay. His boyfriend also isn't obviously gay.
> 
> An old and dear friend of mine is also gay, and not obviously so.
> 
> So no, they DON'T all act feminine. Anymore than all women act manly.


Gay men generally like men who are masculine. There is a tiny minority of men who are femme in the gay community but they are highly visible!

Men can also be camper than a weekend away (camping) but still firmly hetrosexual. 

Since I grew my hair long, wear clothes that are less manly and generally let go of the stereotype I seem to have acquired a hot girlfriend. Darling

and then of course "Ziggy played guitar" from the worlds (latest) and greatest closet hetro-sexual who married a supermodel.

It is only recently that men have had to wear boring clothes. It is the male of the species that gets to dress up. Get your groove on man


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