# Wife nagging etc



## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

Am I the only fella who thinks his wife constantly nags him about things?

I'm just so sick of everything I do gets taken for granted, but if I do one thing wrong I get a ear-bashing for it.


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## katie jane (Oct 26, 2009)

do you take her for granted ? 
seems like maybe you are both stuck in a rut ? 
what could you change to make things better .....sometimes rather then blaming its better take a hard look at yourself ...sometimes without realising you can become a cause to be nagged at .. 

to be appriciated you need to appreciate


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

Katie Jane is right. If your wife is nagging, it's because she doesn't feel emotionally validated by you. And, as this post would lead me to assume, you aren't feeling validated either.

She, and many other women, and men too - resorts to "nagging" (That's a harsh word by the way) - because they are trying very hard to feel heard. Their method isn't productive though as the other person usually gets angry, withdraws, or becomes resentful - but that's not the reason why the nagging person is doing what they are doing - they are doing it out of hurt and frustration and feeling unappreciated themselves.

There are a couple of things you can do here. You can say "Honey, I care about your happiness and it would really help me if you would come to me with suggestions instead of complaints" Give her an example of what that might look like to you using a generic example that she can understand, but won't sound like you are accusing or blaming her. 

The next part of this is when your wife comes to you with something, the first thing you do is validate her. Don't suggest, fix, complain back - just accept her feelings - that doesn't mean agreeing with them, just accept them "I can understand that you feel frustrated, I might feel that way in this situation too" Chances are just validating her will take all the steam out of her angrier emotions, and she will feel cared for and more willing to communicate in more positive ways with you.

Now, keep in mind if she's been nagging for awhile, it can be an ugly habit, so you may have to work a bit harder for her to realize that she IS being listened to and that you DO care about what she is saying. Eventually the nagging will slow down considerably if not go away all together.


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

katie jane said:


> do you take her for granted ?
> seems like maybe you are both stuck in a rut ?
> what could you change to make things better .....sometimes rather then blaming its better take a hard look at yourself ...sometimes without realising you can become a cause to be nagged at ..
> 
> to be appriciated you need to appreciate


Yeh, maybe. But I dont do it on purpose....


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## psychocandy (Apr 28, 2008)

HappyHer said:


> Katie Jane is right. If your wife is nagging, it's because she doesn't feel emotionally validated by you. And, as this post would lead me to assume, you aren't feeling validated either.
> 
> She, and many other women, and men too - resorts to "nagging" (That's a harsh word by the way) - because they are trying very hard to feel heard. Their method isn't productive though as the other person usually gets angry, withdraws, or becomes resentful - but that's not the reason why the nagging person is doing what they are doing - they are doing it out of hurt and frustration and feeling unappreciated themselves.
> 
> ...


I think you might have a point. I think she gets more wound up if she does the cleaning and then sees me as disrespecting it by making a mess. Does that make sense?

Like I said though, I dont do it on purpose. And sometimes I get the feeling shes waiting to pick up on me for something.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

Not doing something on purpose...does that make up for the fact that you DID make a mess?

My husband is constantly saying 'I MEANT to do ABC...' - yet the end result is that he DIDN'T do it. He thinks that just because he had good intentions, I shouldn't care if ABC got done.

Do you see the similarity?

Making a mess IS doing it on purpose. You KNOW it upsets her, yet you do it.


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## okeydokie (Sep 10, 2008)

women nag because they want to whip your butt but likely cant. if you disrespect something she has just put a major effort into (messing up her cleaning for example), and you just leave it, i would want to whip your butt too.


its interesting though, my wife runs behind me and the kids picking up the littlest mess, but she cannot pick up after herself to save her tail. she has trashed the house (you have no idea how bad) with her stuff but none of us can leave a candy wrapper on the counter without her swooping in to grab it. the point is, i wont listen to her nag about this subject, i shove it right back at her and she shuts up quick.


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## 2Daughters (May 13, 2010)

All wives nag, just keep reading the posts on here, I'm pretty sure it's genetics!!


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