# Selfish



## Kenya26 (Mar 31, 2008)

Recently I went to the doctor for a pregnancy test b/c my cycle was late. It turned out I was not pregnant and actually started my cycle later that night after leaving the doctors office. I went back the following week for a yearly exam and std testing. Later I was informed that I had chlamydia. I told my husband and set an appointment for him the next week. We didnt get tested before getting married and it is likely that one of us was infected previously b/c we have only been married six months. I was told to wait for his exam and his prescription before taking mine b/c we had to obstain from sexual contact for seven days. He went to his doctors appointment, got his prescription, went and got it filled, leaving mine which had been called into the drug store by the doctors office and also took it. I was really hurt when I found out b/c I felt like it was a very selfish act. This is not the first time that he has shown a strong selfish side to him. I cant get over it, I feel so betrayed! I feel like a ton of bricks hit me in my chest. He seems very non-chalant about it all.......what do I do?


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

Kenya, you mentioned that this is not the first time he has acted in such a selfish way, and you also said that he was quite nonchalant about it. The other times he has been selfish, did he also act in the same sort of nonchalant way?


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## Kenya26 (Mar 31, 2008)

We always have a blow-up where he does something selfish or hurtful. I will get angry, cry about it and even yell about it. He will then try to explain it away and then once he sees that he is getting nowhere, he goes into this non-chalant attitude. He acts very reserved and quite, trying to limit conversation as if he is walking on eggshells. No argument is ever resolved, only forgotten or left to be brought up again another day to have the same pattern happen. I forgot to mention that I am his third wife. It seems like the whole marriage is trivial to him now and he does not feel the need to hash things out. I really question daily his reason for marrying me. I dont know if he did it for love or b/c I was so supportive of him when he went through his last divorce. We were friends first before dating of course, but I think now that he felt as if though he owed it to me or something.

Does anyone have any clue what is going on or what I should do? I feel so trapped and I am always contemplating leaving him. I think that I need a fresh start with someone who has less baggage and emotional issues. We argue every other day, sometimes about big issues such as the one I mentioned in my first posting, and sometimes small. Either way, it is never resolved and I am always left feeling emotionally drained and alone.


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## juls (Apr 1, 2008)

Kenya26 said:


> Recently I went to the doctor for a pregnancy test b/c my cycle was late.
> 
> We didnt get tested before getting married and it is likely that one of us was infected previously b/c we have only been married six months.





> . I was really hurt when I found out b/c I felt like it was a very selfish act. This is not the first time that he has shown a strong selfish side to him. I cant get over it, I feel so betrayed! I feel like a ton of bricks hit me in my chest. He seems very non-chalant about it all.......what do I do?


What I am trying to make sense of is first you say " one of us" then you say he is being selfish and you are betrayed...I am seriously just trying to make sense..Do you know FOR SURE you didn't have it?.....Do you know for sure you didn't give it to him?...

If you don't then you can't possibly lay the blame on him entirely..It was irresponsible of you both not just him...


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## Kenya26 (Mar 31, 2008)

You have totally misunderstood the meaning of my post. I gave the background situation to explain why my feelings were hurt and to also provide an example of what I consider to be selfishness. I am not blaming him for the std. We were both irresponsible for not being tested ahead of time. I can not rightfully say it was him or me. I was only stating that once I found out, I waited for him to get tested before getting the medicine, so that we could begin taking it the same day, so that we would be on the healing process together. However, as soon as he left the doctor, he took his prescription, got it filled and took his medication. I thought that it was selfish of him not to pick mine up for me. That is the point hun!! I am an adult, I knew better than to not get tested before getting married, but I got busy....too busy to check on my health. That is a mistake that I will never make again. My question, to the entire forum, is was he being selfish in going to purchase meds for himself, not concerning himself with whether or not I had mine as well after I waited purposefully for him to be tested and get a prescription? Maybe someone else would be better suited to answer my question...thank you for the attempt.


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## juls (Apr 1, 2008)

Kenya26 said:


> You have totally misunderstood the meaning of my post. I gave the background situation to explain why my feelings were hurt and to also provide an example of what I consider to be selfishness. I am not blaming him for the std. We were both irresponsible for not being tested ahead of time. I can not rightfully say it was him or me. I was only stating that once I found out, I waited for him to get tested before getting the medicine, so that we could begin taking it the same day, so that we would be on the healing process together. However, as soon as he left the doctor, he took his prescription, got it filled and took his medication. I thought that it was selfish of him not to pick mine up for me. That is the point hun!! I am an adult, I knew better than to not get tested before getting married, but I got busy....too busy to check on my health. That is a mistake that I will never make again. My question, to the entire forum, is was he being selfish in going to purchase meds for himself, not concerning himself with whether or not I had mine as well after I waited purposefully for him to be tested and get a prescription? Maybe someone else would be better suited to answer my question...thank you for the attempt.


Ah Okay, I see now. Thats why I was asking....

I don't know if I would say it was a selfish thing to do, I would def say it was inconsiderate. He should have known that you were upset about this just from you speaking to him about it. 

Devils advocate. He was peobably very scared or wierded out which is why he went an got his not even thinking first weather or not you had yours..Not an excuse no. But something to think about is all. 

Did you talk to him, let him know that it hurt you because he wasn't thinking of you and your health when he starete his without you?


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## Kenya26 (Mar 31, 2008)

Yeah...I talked to him about it. I was also weirded out b/c I never had an std before. I was in a rush to resolve the issue as well, but I thought of him first. We had just been talking about his selfish behavior and then to run and do something like that after I showed my selfless side and waited for him. It was just very hurtful was all. We talked and he said that he just assumed I got mine that day, but I didn't leave anything to be assumed. I clearly made his appointment, told him what time he needed to be there, and also advised him that the doctor said for us to take them together and on the same day so it would be best for us to wait for one another instead of one person starting the regiment one day and the other one another day. He apologized, but I guess it is called the build up steeming from other situations of proven selfishness on his behalf.


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## mollyL (Dec 31, 2007)

First, do you know for certain that your husband was told exactly what you were told when he received his RX? Do you think perhaps he might have misunderstood or forgotten what was told to him? Second, do you think these other things building up and getting you "steamed" might have coloured your emotions in this instance?
Third, might not the both of you be selfish to deal with a sexually transmitted disease in such a nonchalant fashion? I think maybe, if at all possible, you and your husband need to come to an understanding on this matter and then resolve it so you can move onto the other problems affecting your relationship.


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