# Feeling used and confused!!!!



## rufio25 (Jun 20, 2010)

To start I am not really considering divorce or separation however things in my marriage are not positive.

Let me give you an overview of my relationship past and present. My wife and I have been together for around 15 years however married for 6. We met when we were in high school and had a very bumpy, on and off, relationship all the way through high school. I was not the greatest man towards her as I was young and stupid. I cheated on her, did not show express or show my love towards her or made her my main priority. My selfishness really affected my relationship and her feelings towards me. Even though I had all these faults she stayed by my side. When we turned 18 we had our first child together. A few years later my wife was fed up and fell out of love with me. Of course because of our troubled past she left me with her having no emotional attachment with me. However after being seperated for around 6 months she expressed how she wanted to get back together. However she still was not crazy about me like she once was but wanted me to be patient as she felt confident those feelings would change overtime. I vowed to change as a man and her partner because our relationship meant so much to me.

In 2004 we got married and had our second child. During the past 10 years of our relationship I have been fully faithful to my wife. I have had almost no interaction with any other females and have been totally dedicated to our family. 3 years ago we had our third child together. The last ten years have not been smooth sailing. We still had our issues within our marriage and relationship. Problems ranging from sexual interaction, financial problems, stress from our jobs and kids, arguing over issues (majority stupid) have put a strain on our marriage. 

In January of this year my wife sent me an email detailing on how her feelings towards me have changed and that she no longer was in love with me. However she did stress how she did not want to seperate or get a divorce because she wanted to make things work. Just like what happened 10 years ago when we seperated for a period of time she expressed how she wanted me to be patient with her regarding her feelings because she felt there had been damage done to our marriage overtime and it is going to take time to heal. It is now June and we had a discussion on how things are going. She stated that things are better however her feelings have not changed much. During our discussion I asked her how she felt about me moving out; her response was somewhat surprising. She got on the defensive stating " you say you love me and our family but you want to leave, that's selfish ". I expressed my feelings about the situation so she understood where I was coming from. My wife did say that she did not want me to leave and she did not want to lose me. However she does not love me right now so what could the reasonings be for me not to leave. Is it because of our current financial situation, the kids or is it that she needs my help around the house. If none of the reasons have nothing to do with her loving me then that makes me feel like I'm being used and extremely selfish on her part.

Please understand I love my wife with all my heart and want to make things better. However being in a loveless marriage is stressing me out and I feel is very unhealthy. I have been patient in this process but for how much longer.

I would love to get other peoples advice and feelings on my situation. Please let it be known. Thank you.


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## HappyHer (Nov 12, 2009)

She can't live with you and she can't live without you. What is it that you can and can't live with? 

As long as the things between you stay the same, with you bending over backwards to be everything she wants and needs, and her holding you at arms length, then it's going to stay that way.

Certainly, you need to do the things a loving husband does, but what is she doing for you?


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