# need some input



## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

Well don't even know where to start, I've been married for 22 years. A lot of things about my husband have been good, he is a good father a good provider but when it comes to me and my needs he checks out, it's not about material things but he has never given me a b-day gift, card or flowers. The same goes for valentines day, xmas and any other special day there has been. He is a busy lawyer and always uses the excuse he is to busy. I always make sure he has a gift under the tree or we have a birthday cake for him that we can have with the kids, my day always goes without any acknowledgement from him. This bothers me that he can't even think of me for a little of his time. I've spoken to him many time with no change in his behavior. I know what your thinking why would I put up with this disconnect for so many years, he always says he wished he had done things differently. My birthday just passed and this time not even a "Happy Birthday" so sad that he choses to make me feel so unwanted or not important enough to him that is exactly how it makes me feel.....he doesn't share in any of my interests, but I have joined some of his interests. he is not great at communicating on an emotional level, everything is like a business deal, just the facts. It's like we only have a working relationship, taking care of the household and the kids while he takes care of his clients and staff. That's all he seems to need. I think I'm living that movie he really is not that into you.....he has repeatedly told me that he can't change the past and that unless I get over the feelings the marriage really doesn't have a chance....I'm thinking I deserve more that what he gives.......I'm sure if it ended he wouldn't even miss a beat...I'm so frustrated and not even sure that I want to stay in this relationship......anyone else lived a marriage like mine? any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.......


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

"he has repeatedly told me that he can't change the past and that unless I get over the feelings the marriage really doesn't have a chance...."

Ok. Sounds reasonable. But what is he willing to do to make sure the past isn't repeated? Because it sounds as though it is repeated time and time again.

If he treated a client like this, he'd be fired. Have you ever mentioned something like that to him? 

What were your vows? Can you go over them with him as though it were a contract and ask him where the love, honor and cherish portion has been all these years?


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## knortoh (Sep 5, 2009)

this is such great advice from dobo - why do people have such different (lower) standards of behaviour between their professional life and their home life? I just find his behaviour cruel to be honest - how hard is it to say happy birthday ?


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