# Why can I move out in a separation and not divorce



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Just makes no sense why if I were getting separated I would be able to move out but now that I am going through divorce I can't leave the home. It's so ugly at home. I live downstairs and she is upstairs with the kids. She has become a petty, vindictive and spiteful person going as far as removing batteries from my thermostat, cutting off the internet and home phones and holding my state tax refund check hostage. She hordes all of the bills to make it seem as if I dont pay anything. What's worse is all of the utility bills are in her name and she has all the passwords so there is no way for me to access these accounts. My lawyer tells me that although it's tough to suck it up and just stand pat, that I can't leave without getting it in a written agreement. I have moved on in my life, i have conceded to the idea that divorce is the end result and I am ok with it. I have moved on with my life and have begun going out,dating, etc. I dont want to be with her at all. At the same time I want my own space, I'm tired of living in the home with all the tension and angry bulldog looks i get from her. I have expressed this to my lawyer and he is trying to get me out but she doesnt light a fire under her own ass and speak to her lawyer in order to expedite this and help alleviate the tension. She just wants me to pack up and go with no written agreement and then me risk her claiming that I abandoned the household. I wouldnt put it past her. WTH more can i do?? I'm just frustrated with the whole situation and i'm tired of dealing with someone who's sole interest is to screw me at every turn.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You don't leave until a judge tells you do.
If she wants out so bad, she can leave.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Thanks Beans, I guess thats good advice. She isnt gonna leave though. So I feel as if Im stuck.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Don't leave. It's as simple as that.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

What are your thoughts as to the situation with the bills, she's home the majority of the day and gets all the mail while I'm at work. She hi jacks the bills and pays them herself and then complains that I do nothing to contribute to the home. I pay off the credit cards because they are in my name and I get those bills but like the light bill,oil bill , insurances (home and auto), cable etc she takes them and pays them and then claims that I neglect to pay them. I tell her to just leave them on the counter and I will pay them and she doesnt do it. She's always made more money than me and the way it worked was that her checks covered the mortgage and that my checks covered everything else. Now that we are going through this, she wants me to pay the utilities and on top of that fork over the money for the mortgage as well. I'm not giving her squat in cash and she has my tax refund sitting in her bank account so i just told her to keep it and put that towards whatever bills she has. I just feel like she is going to claim poverty when I have been willing and able to pay what I always paid and she refuses to work with me on it anymore.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Well if she keeps hi-jacking them after you've told her to stop, then what else can you do? Has anyone filed for divorce or separation?


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Yeah papers have been served already, I just cant take the tension in the house and then having my kids around it. But yeah papers were filed and we are proceeding with divorce. My demands are simple and reasonable. I asked that half the c/c card bills be paid, i'll pay support for my kids and let me have some furniture to take with me on the way out. i wasnt asking for maintenance or for her pension but all she wants to do is drag me on the floor so i stopped being nice and told my lawyer to just go after her. I just wanted a clean split, and for half the bills to be her responsibility. Take my name off the mortgage and you can have the damn house. Just let me go!!!


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

So you are letting her keep the house? Interesting. Well just make sure if she does take you off the mortgage it is completely done so you won't have any ties to making payments.

Yep, the tension can be quite volatile.

Take up exercising or start a hobby or something..


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

I know that I obviously cant go anywhere until the lawyer or judge say so, but staying there is affecting my personal life now when I want to have friends over or something or even other women I want to hang out with. It's just frustrating. I'm venting.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Get it in writing that you're offering to pay your share of the bills. If need be, send it from your lawyer to her lawyer so theres a trail. Same with anything else that could come to bite you in the butt later... And never give her cash; use checks or electronic money transfers. As far as your refund, again, document it in writing, and leave a solid trail.

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Rico, having women over = disaster so I wouldn't even entertain the idea.... You are supposed to be setting an example for your kids.

Yes I understand you're quite frustrated and ti is frustrating but one of you guys needs to file and be done.


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

Do as PB says and get your lawyer to send it to her lawyer. That way, she can't lie to her benefit later. Cover Your A$$!!!!

JB, it looks like one of them has already done that - filed, since he said the papers have been served.

Although I have it bad in my situation, I can see others a far worse off - at least I do not have little ones around the house to see how miserable we are. My stbxw is going like gangbusters trying to get the house sold and I am helping her - I say bravo! In the meantime though, I know exactly what Rico means about tensions and angry bulldog looks. 

IMO, I would date. Not flaunting it in front of the kids, so for now date but be private about it. No reason to deny yourself what ever is left of your sanity by becoming a fixture in your house and being around that situation. Just go VERY slow on the dating; you don't want to jump out of the fire and into the frying pan.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> Rico, having women over = disaster so I wouldn't even entertain the idea.... You are supposed to be setting an example for your kids.
> 
> Yes I understand you're quite frustrated and ti is frustrating but one of you guys needs to file and be done.


No i would never bring another woman around my children until i knew it was a serious thing. I meant as far as wanting to get a place of my own so i didnt have to worry about having friends over etc. Right now I'm in a dreary basement and it's just so depressing for me. I dont want friends or family seeing me in that situation.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

brighterlight said:


> Do as PB says and get your lawyer to send it to her lawyer. That way, she can't lie to her benefit later. Cover Your A$$!!!!
> 
> JB, it looks like one of them has already done that - filed, since he said the papers have been served.
> 
> ...


I have started dating again and by no stretch am i tossing myself into the frying pan, trust me i tell all of the girls i have met that I am the farthest thing from boyfriend material right now. Im just being honest and up front about that. I just want to enjoy life again and meet new people. It just becomes extremely tough when I dont have a place of my own to call a legitimate home where I can go back to etc.


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