# Confused to surrender or fight back



## Vina75 (Mar 15, 2021)

A marriage of 15 years and 2 kids. Husband was always arrogant and serious kind. Always poke to initiate an argument. No apologies whatsoever after the argument.It was always me who had to fix the gap and rebuild good environment at home. 
Forced me to relocate to home country . Promised to give a good city life to the family . Relocated and landed at our parents place saying it as temporary. His hometown is a small town , where he used to say that kids won't ever stay as they wouldn't adjust. Enrolled kids in the cities Best school. Stayed at my parents for 10 months and on trivial matter left the home. Started accusing me, slandering me on phone and emails. Threatened to send divorce papers as he felt iam having an affair just because i contacted my old friends. Its been 1 year dint gave a single penny and dint paid school fees . I took a rental place in the city which he dint want to and stayed for 6 months . Now he has taken a small apartment in his small town and Asking us to come and live with him and says kids would go school there. He has no regret of the mental stress he has given me and my parents from the past 1 year. He says he wants to live for himself. I know his ex GF prior marriage lives close to his hometown but I am not sure if she is still in touch. He has gardens and some properties to take care in his town. He demands , If we want him we should just follow him. Iam worried about my kids. Such selfishness that you don't care for your kids future? My words can't change him, to be short I feel he has all narcissistic behavior in him. He hates my family for supporting me and don't want me to have any contact with them anymore.Shall I surrender


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Vina75 said:


> He says he wants to live for himself.


So let him. I see no love whatsoever between you and your husband, based on what you have posted. End it. Move on. Good luck.


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## GC1234 (Apr 15, 2020)

Vina75 said:


> A marriage of 15 years and 2 kids. Husband was always arrogant and serious kind. Always poke to initiate an argument. No apologies whatsoever after the argument.It was always me who had to fix the gap and rebuild good environment at home.
> Forced me to relocate to home country . Promised to give a good city life to the family . Relocated and landed at our parents place saying it as temporary. His hometown is a small town , where he used to say that kids won't ever stay as they wouldn't adjust. Enrolled kids in the cities Best school. Stayed at my parents for 10 months and on trivial matter left the home. Started accusing me, slandering me on phone and emails. Threatened to send divorce papers as he felt iam having an affair just because i contacted my old friends. Its been 1 year dint gave a single penny and dint paid school fees . I took a rental place in the city which he dint want to and stayed for 6 months . Now he has taken a small apartment in his small town and Asking us to come and live with him and says kids would go school there. He has no regret of the mental stress he has given me and my parents from the past 1 year. He says he wants to live for himself. I know his ex GF prior marriage lives close to his hometown but I am not sure if she is still in touch. He has gardens and some properties to take care in his town. He demands , If we want him we should just follow him. Iam worried about my kids. Such selfishness that you don't care for your kids future? My words can't change him, to be short I feel he has all narcissistic behavior in him. He hates my family for supporting me and don't want me to have any contact with them anymore.Shall I surrender


No, if he's narcissistic you should not give in/surrender. This is a never-ending cycle. Do not get caught up in the narcissistic vortex. Save yourself and children if you can and if it's culturally acceptable. I don't want your life to be in danger though, so do what you safely can do.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Vina75 said:


> A marriage of 15 years and 2 kids. Husband was always arrogant and serious kind. Always poke to initiate an argument. No apologies whatsoever after the argument.It was always me who had to fix the gap and rebuild good environment at home.
> Forced me to relocate to home country . Promised to give a good city life to the family . Relocated and landed at our parents place saying it as temporary. His hometown is a small town , where he used to say that kids won't ever stay as they wouldn't adjust. Enrolled kids in the cities Best school. Stayed at my parents for 10 months and on trivial matter left the home. Started accusing me, slandering me on phone and emails. Threatened to send divorce papers as he felt iam having an affair just because i contacted my old friends. Its been 1 year dint gave a single penny and dint paid school fees . I took a rental place in the city which he dint want to and stayed for 6 months . Now he has taken a small apartment in his small town and Asking us to come and live with him and says kids would go school there. He has no regret of the mental stress he has given me and my parents from the past 1 year. He says he wants to live for himself. I know his ex GF prior marriage lives close to his hometown but I am not sure if she is still in touch. He has gardens and some properties to take care in his town. He demands , If we want him we should just follow him. Iam worried about my kids. Such selfishness that you don't care for your kids future? My words can't change him, to be short I feel he has all narcissistic behavior in him. He hates my family for supporting me and don't want me to have any contact with them anymore.Shall I surrender


Why acquiesce, he does not care about you or the children. Cut all contact with him, he does not support you anyhow and file for divorce. Make sure you tell his family everything about what has happened in the last so many years. Your parents can back you up.


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## Vina75 (Mar 15, 2021)

Thank you so much for your help. Iam considering leaving him. My family is supporting me too. Shaken inside just thinking about kids future. Right now I have no job. I was a teacher in US.Hope I pave my way with courage and patience. Thank you all.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Vina75 said:


> Thank you so much for your help. Iam considering leaving him. My family is supporting me too. Shaken inside just thinking about kids future. Right now I have no job. I was a teacher in US.Hope I pave my way with courage and patience. Thank you all.


Your DP suggests you are currently in India? You will have no problem getting a good job in an international school with your US experience, start looking now. You do not need your H's permission. You will be able to take care of your kids if you are working and have your family's support. You are already living alone without his help. You could get a lawyer and force him to pay for the children's support also from a distance.


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## Vina75 (Mar 15, 2021)

Thank you so much for your encouraging words. Iam looking for job. Hopefully .. I will gain control of my life soon. Thanks.


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