# Wow. This just keeps getting better.



## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

I had to contact my WS about some feelings my daughter has been having lately. Basically she doesn't feel connected to her Dad anymore at all. For example he picked her up for dinner last Tuesday and had her home in 15 minutes. He drove her through the drive through at McDonald's and hardly even said a word to her. He has her every other weekend but since he doesn't have his own place he only takes her for a few hours. And of course he has changed so much to be what the OW wants she doesn't even know who he is. Last night she was really upset and crying that she wants her Dad back - not this dark person he is trying to be. It really really got to me. I have tried getting through to her Dad but I am just the bad guy. And to add insult to injury she called him on Saturday to spend the day with her and he argued with her about it not being his weekend so he couldn't. She was pretty upset so he finally admitted he was out of town and couldn't. That led to resentment because he was of course out of town with his OW and in her eyes she is now placed second. 

So I decided to email him a little bit today about our little girl. I found out that he has moved in with a different friend and was trying to get on government assistance. No joking. This same guy 6 months ago would have frowned on this behavior. I asked him if he was kidding and he really jumped down my throat about how I was looking down on him. I simply told him that he had EVERYTHING and it was his choice to give it all up. He told me it wouldn't be right to stay in the marriage for material reasons. So this guy would apparently rather be broke and on welfare than be married to me anymore...WTF!! I am baffled. I think the woman he is messing around with may be on this type of assistance - because I just can't imagine him coming up with this on his own. We have always worked our butts off!

Well things went sour from there. And I got the whole speech: I have been unhappy for a very long time. Regardless of her I don't want to be married anymore. I tried marriage and it just wasn't for me I should have left a long time ago. You are a good mother and friend with a big heart and there is nothing wrong with you. (Gee Thanks!! I feel a ton better now. Yeesh)

I am just baffled. This is the same guys who 9 month ago would say he did everything for my daughter and I and that he loved being married. He "loved his girls". It took him 14 years to figure out marriage wasn't for him???? Now he says he only said those things to me because he didn't want to hurt me. Would someone really lie for that many years?? Why say how much you love being married if you can't stand it? 

I think if I had picked up the signs and saw this coming I would be doing much better. For me it was a lightening bolt struck. I am baffled and angry.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I wonder if the assistance stuff is a game to avoid paying alimony and child support ? Just wonder of the trash hag he is dating is giving him pointers?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

He's not able to get it because his salary is above the poverty level. (Way above). I am getting about 70% of his salary at the moment. Which is going to decrease. So he thought he could get assistance because of that. I just never saw him as being the type that would even try something like that. Like I said that just isn't us. But I guess it's him now.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

The real kicker is that he still has money to drive 2.5 hours north every other weekend and stay in her town. Where is that money coming from? La-La Land?


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

I am sorry, this must be shocking. I can easily see myself in your shoes and I would have the same reaction. The only other thing I can think of that explains such bizarre behavior would be substance abuse. 

I am so sorry about the situation with your daughter. I hope you have her in counseling. As you know, it is so easy for her to think that he left because of her, or has stopped showing affection because of something she did. It is all just so UNFAIR and AWFUL. My heart goes out to you.

I hope you are in counseling too. When he says he was never happy, that is classic re-writing of marital history. He has to invent a lie for the past to justify his outrageously selfish behavior. If he fully confronted the horrible things he has done, his mind would likely crack in two.


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## moxy (Apr 2, 2012)

He's in the fog. You're lucky to be rid of him. Your daughter might be hurting now, but you and she should 180 him and go and spend some time together doing mother-daughter stuff and having fun. Eventually, things will be okay, but you can help her accept this situation a bit by trying to get her mind off of the absence in both of your lives. Hang in there. He sounds like a crackpot and I bet his AP has him falling apart; one day he will see it, but your life won't be tied to that downward spiral if you cut him out of your days and just find a way to make do in other ways.


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## LoveMouse (Apr 22, 2012)

Sorry ur hurting over this 
@ least he's being honest w/ you! You have a free and clear path ahead of you. My X dragged it out for a year and a half!!! Everytime I said I was going to file she'd lie and tell me she wanted to be married!! We did 36 weeks of MC and @ the end she filed for divorce!!  Happy day for me but what a waste of time and money!!! 
I do know people change, some just get worried they didn't enjoy life enough and can't see the happiness they've always had...untill it's too late. His loss GF, your gain. I know it hurts now, but you'll recover and be much happier w/o his lazy axx.
Mouse


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Yes I believe he is being honest. He is being perfectly clear in stating the he does NOT want to be married anymore. I just feel duped. 9 months ago this guys was talking about how much he loved "his girls" - was I living a lie then? I feel like my life has been a complete lie. It's frustrating as hell.

He has been gone for 4 months so I thought I would broach the topic of us again and he was really clear that he doesn't want to be married. I asked him if it wasn't for the OW if we would be headed for divorce right now and he said regardless he doesn't want to be married. Is it possible that he was really lying to me all those years?

I just feel lost. How can someone just up and walk away from a 14 year marriage and their family. Tell you how much they love you one day and then the next they feel nothing.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> Yes I believe he is being honest. He is being perfectly clear in stating the he does NOT want to be married anymore. I just feel duped. 9 months ago this guys was talking about how much he loved "his girls" - was I living a lie then? I feel like my life has been a complete lie. It's frustrating as hell.
> 
> He has been gone for 4 months so I thought I would broach the topic of us again and he was really clear that he doesn't want to be married. I asked him if it wasn't for the OW if we would be headed for divorce right now and he said regardless he doesn't want to be married. Is it possible that he was really lying to me all those years?
> 
> I just feel lost. How can someone just up and walk away from a 14 year marriage and their family. Tell you how much they love you one day and then the next they feel nothing.


Is there any possibility of substance abuse? I asked this before. 

I only bring it up because the part I think is bizarre is that he isn't just walking away from you, but also from, apparently, a "normal" middle class lifestyle. It's not uncommon (sadly) for a spouse to have a secret life that is hidden from you, and to up and walk away because they've created a ready-made "new" life that they just go off to enjoy. But most people really like stability and creature-comforts and wouldn't just abandon those too along with their family (after all, people in affairs are EXTREMELY selfish people!).

Any more insight into that part of it?


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

He is a high functioning alcoholic. When he lived at home he would come to bed every night doing the "zombie shuffle". He actually had an experience last May where he fell down and passed out on the way to bed because his heart was acting odd. He went to the doctor and it turned out he had a palpitation brought on from alcohol abuse. He stopped drinking for the month of May - well about 2 weeks. But then he started again and something with him changed he wasn't the same after that.

If you go back and read my original post you will see that he has an odd hobby - paranormal research. He would go away with a group of people each weekend to investigate. Well apparently they also drink pretty damn heavy. A friend told me that at least 2 members of the team get smashed into the early morning. This is where he met his OW. And I honestly don't know anything about her other than she looks like a Goth Chick 
( I am a professional) and has 3 kids. The oldest has something similar to autism but also has tumors from it and the youngest has a speech impediment. The middle child likes to blow stuff up and the OW thinks things that burned objects are artistic. In contrast my daughter is an honor roll student - vocal lessons - well rounded kid. And now my WS is wearing a wide brimmed hat with skulls on it and a leather cuff bracelet. It's like he has regressed to being a teenager. 

Oddly enough he will throw it in my face that I have everything and he has nothing. He left it!! I keep telling him that. And he told me that it wasn't right to stay in the marriage for materialistic reasons. 

I don't know for sure but I would bet they have some pot floating around too. Not sure if anything else has been introduced. I don't do any of it. I grew up.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

And I did start telling him this fall that he seemed to have more fun with his "team" than he did with me. He started referring to them as his family. It's all a bit odd.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

He's in a fog, nothing he says is the whole truth, so don't feel like your life was a lie. Most likely it was all real and he did love you, but there were communication breakdowns, which happen in all relationships. You choose to deal with it like a big girl and honor your commitment and fix things when they're wrong, he runs the other direction. I heard almost the exact crap verbatim "it has nothing to do with her, I've been unhappy for a long time" yet everyone was shocked to hear he had left. Start moving forward. You don't want to be with him, trust me. Your daughter is an unfortunate victim in this. All you can do is tell her that her father loves her and you love her, but that grown ups make bad choices sometimes, too, and he'll have to deal with them when he realizes the mistakes he's making. But right now you can just take care of the two of you. And make your relationship even stronger. Be truthful in an age appropriate way. How old is she, btw? Don't hold back, let her call him on his sh!t. Disgraceful. Sorry he's being a deadbeat. Unfortunately that usually gets worse with time, so here's to hoping for a wake up call!


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

I keep telling myself that it's all the fog. But wow it's such a strange thing for me. This man was loyal to be through everything and had my back until October when the OW came into the picture. We had a decent marriage so I am baffled by all of the I was unhappy for a very long time. There were problems but nothing that I saw as permanent until he did this.

Up until October he was "I love you" "I love my girls" "Everything I do is for my family" etc. Even during the three months we were still living together and I had a hankering he was with another woman he would continue to tell me how much he loved me and how great we were for one another. Then it slowly started to go away and we totally lost our connection as he became more connected to this woman. Then he left and it has been trickle truth ever since. And now he says he only told me that he loved me and tried to convince me that we were perfect for one another because he never wanted to hurt me. It's just totally insane.

I guess I should just be glad that he is being honest and telling me that he does not want to be married anymore. It just hurts being rejected by the one person you were the closest to. He is signing all of the legal paperwork without haste so I guess he is just ready to get out. It's sad. I know I need to move. I am just still in shock some days.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

Depending on when he started drinking and the amount it could have stiffled his maturation. I have followed your threads since the beginning and your husband comes across as an odd duck. I feel sorry for where you are at in life. He does not care and his odd behaviors are so immature. Let him go.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Thanks Thorburn. I think that I lived with his behaviors for so long and he would always convince me that they were normal that I believe it now. The OW is an odd duck too and I am pretty sure that is what attracted the two of them together because I am pretty "normal". I actually started beating myself up for not being more obscure because that's apparently what he wants at this point in his life. I saw a photo of her wearing cut-off shorts with fish nets under them and combat boots. It reminds me of something I would have worn when I was a teenager and going through the whole non-conformist angst stage. But I grew up. I think I need to remind myself that my behavior is the healthy and normal behavior not his. He is highly immature and walking out on his family to hunt ghosts with his OW is glaring evidence of that. 

When we first moved in together I was 18. He was drinking then and he has drank every night ever since. We have been together for 14 years. I don't know why I ever put up with that. He would always convince me that it wasn't a big deal and I would just let it go. Then like I said in May he had an episode and was not the same after that. After that I started asking him "what's wrong?" all the time. Something was clearly wrong - but he always told me that it had nothing to do with me.

I do need to let him go. I think I am missing "what could have been." not what actually was. I was always the stable one.

I'm just messed up all around. I need counseling.


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## Pit-of-my-stomach (Nov 2, 2010)

Please understand, you are not going to reason with him. Your logic is useless. 
Please get out of the way. Allow the natural consequences of his actions to happen. If your out of the picture, when those consequences hit, he won't have you standing there to blame. Stop communicating with him other than absolutely nessasary. When you do speak with him keep it brief and professional. 

Step back. He made his choice, allow him to live with it.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Thanks PIT I need that reminder. I don't know how I slipped back into a conversation with him. I was talking about our daughter and then we were on to it again. And he clearly doesn't want to talk to me. So I am just being pathetic. I honestly don't know if he can get much lower than he actually is. I'm amazed by how far he has fallen in such a short time.

The more this unravels the more I understand that this is about him and not me. He's an absolute mess.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

Sadly it doesn't sound to me like he cares about spending any quality time with your daughter - his loss. You've done what you can to let him know how she's feeling and how upset she is. Now it's up to him to repair his relationship with her - you can't do it for him. 

He may fail miserably from your perspective, but so be it. Just do the best you can to build a close relationship with your daughter. Let her know you're not going anywhere - that you love her - and that you'll always be there for her.

What her father does now is totally out of your control - leave him to himself and make a better life for yourself and your child.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

This situation becomes more bizarre each day. I can't believe I am writing this because 6 months ago I thought I lived in a healthy mature environment that was drama free. And this just seems mentally insane to me.

A team member from the WS paranormal investigation team just reached out to me. He let me know that he was suspended from the team for being a mole. (I couldn't make this up people) Members of the team accused him of feeding me information and telling me everything that the team has been doing. So he was kicked off of the team and all other members of the team blocked him on Facebook and shut off all communication with him. Except for my husband who has since moved in with him because he had nowhere else to go. 

Now understand that we are not talking about 16 year old kids even though as I read as I type that's how it sounds. We are talking about a 54 year old woman, a 44 year old woman and people in their 30's.

They have also suspended production on their "pilot" until the divorce is final. So 'when' it gets picked up by a network my WS doesn't owe me royalties. No I am not making this up.

The WS also instructed the entire "team" not to have any communication with me. Like I am an enemy or something. 

What in the hell do you make of this? I'm serious. This is so bizarre and seems so abnormal to me that I don't even know what to think of it. This whole group of people is mental.


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## E8H3 (May 7, 2012)

Wow, I'm so sorry. 

I was just about to ask how old the OW was. They do sound like teenagers. It seems as though they are all living in fantasy land. 

However, I think you should just move on. Most likely, he'll realize what an idiot he's being at some point and come back begging for forgiveness, but don't wait for that. Improve yourself, do what YOU want to do for a change, have some fun, gain back your independence, and forget about him. If he doesn't want to be with you, it's his loss!


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

The OW is a year older than me. I am 32. So I think she is 33. The WS is going to be 35 in September.

This behavior is almost cult-like. Like they are trying to insulate themselves. Sort of freaking scary if you ask me.

It makes me think of Group Think. They are all feeding this big fantasy world. I don't want to be around when that freaking bubble bursts.

I can't imagine that any healthy adult would get caught up in something this ridiculous.


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## E8H3 (May 7, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> The OW is a year older than me. I am 32. So I think she is 33. The WS is going to be 35 in September.
> 
> This behavior is almost cult-like. Like they are trying to insulate themselves. Sort of freaking scary if you ask me.
> 
> ...


I got the cult vibe too. It is really weird. 

I'm all up for weird and what you want to do it your personal life is your business and all that, but it seems like they are creating a high school-like cult-like clique where if one of the members doesn't do something they want, they are out. 

Who knows why he got involved - I'm sure we could come up with a lot of theories, but the fact is he did, and then he took it a step further by carrying on a relationship with the OW. 

I am around your age (29) and my husband is 33, and I just realized he's no mature than when he was 18, so I guess it's possible that they still feel like teenagers! My husband even pursued his teenage crush that didn't and still won't sleep with him.

Thinking of you and your daughter.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

I think I am going to do as PIT says and just stand back at this point. These people are so far out in left field I can't imagine this turning out good.


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## jinba (Apr 26, 2012)

You're right - no healthy adult would get caught up in something so ridiculous. These people (including your H) are living in a fantasy world. It's definitely weird and cult like - I also agree that PIT hit the nail on the head - stay away - you don't know what these nut cases are capable of.


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

You know flakes like her will shortly get bored of him and likely cheat on him. She probably already has,the idiot if likely on denial.

I have known chicks like her and that type has very short attention spans and lives on drama. Once the diviorce is over, he won't have the drama factor and she will be on to another guy.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

Also paranoia really makes it seem like there are drugs involved here btw.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Yeah I don't really know what this OW's deal is. The fact that she has 3 kids and one with disabilities really throws me. I would have thought that this type of woman would be totally focused on her family and kids. Instead she is out ghost hunting and belly dancing all over town. It's so odd.

And yes I have thought about drug use too. He is exceptionally paranoid. I don't remember him ever being paranoid in the past. I have been accused of: blackmailing him, running a hate campaign against him, turning the "paranormal community" against him, taking his daughter away from him....the list goes on and on. None of which are true. 

I have to stress that I am pretty normal. He was actually pretty normal too. He got involved in this hobby because of the "ghost hunters" fad. I thought eh' what the hell to each their own and didn't think much of it. But his behavior changed sharply and he became more enclosed in a fantasy world. Surely it will crash on him.

I have talked to him on the phone twice and both times I had to ask "Are you on something?" and he said no I'm just tired. I'm starting to think more and more than he is really into something that is bad for him. What types of drugs would cause this type of paranoia?


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

The more I tell my story the more I realize that he has morphed into a total crackpot and isn't who I married. It's making me move on faster actually. And honestly, it's starting to make me laugh because you can't make this nonsense up.


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## vi_bride04 (Mar 28, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> I have talked to him on the phone twice and both times I had to ask "Are you on something?" and he said no I'm just tired. I'm starting to think more and more than he is really into something that is bad for him. What types of drugs would cause this type of paranoia?


Pot can...but usually people who get paranoid on that don't like to smoke it....

Meth is another that causes crazy paranoia...if he starts loosing alot of weight in a short period of time it definately could be this. I have seen documentaries on this stuff, it's horrible. Rots teeth, rapid weightloss, scratching at your skin b/c of "bugs" and paranoid thoughts and delusions. 

But that is quite a drug to go to, especially if he has never really done drugs before.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

He did some heavier drugs before we got together when he was much younger. He didn't really use drugs - outside of alcohol - during our marriage. That just isn't kosher with me at all. I didn't think much of it during out marriage because I figured he was young and experimenting. But maybe he has picked up some old habits. I don't really know. Or it could all be part of the fog dance. --> I barely even drink and def' don't use drugs so I wouldn't know the signs.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Yes, I've felt throughout that there's also substance abuse involved vs. "just" the fog of an affair. My view of the 'fog' is that it makes an affair difficult to end, and it does explain certain types of irrational behavior, but a lot of his bizarre behavior has nothing to do with furthering the affair.

I wouldn't be surprised if they "get in touch with the spirit world" via hallucinogens. Maybe LSD or whatever it is that people use these days that makes you see things that aren't really there. 

just google hallucinogen or lsd and paranormal--you will see it's used to "develop paranormal abilities"

I also found some university survey study that found that people who smoke pot are more likely to believe they have ESP (amazing, init? what profound insights they have that the rest of us don't :rofl

It would all be so funny if there wasn't a little girl's breaking heart involved and a family being destroyed.


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## Remains (Jan 24, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> I honestly don't know if he can get much lower than he actually is. I'm amazed by how far he has fallen in such a short time.
> 
> The more this unravels the more I understand that this is about him and not me. He's an absolute mess.


Sounds to me like he is having a mental breakdown. Or that that episode with his heart physically affected him - mentally. 

You and your daughter are reminders of his massive errors and stupidity. You are symbols of normality, and his whole life now is not. Even his other woman is not. Nothing is. There4 you and your daughter are symbols of pain. And all of his own doing.

If you want to be there for him, just let him know that. Let him know that if he feels he cannot cope and needs support, you will be there for him (he needs medical help...but don't tell him that or you will put him off with your 'criticism and judgment'. If you don't want to be there for him, stand back and watch the meltdown of a life and a man. It should he entertaining...if you go for that kind of thing (I haven't read your other posts BTW so could be completely off the mark). 

Definitely I would put £20 on a mental breakdown. All the signs


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

I just looked this up. Scary. But I could see this group 'smoking the peace' pipe. A few members of the group follow nature based religions so I can see how some of this might play into that.

I'm pretty open as far as religion goes and think people can believe what they wish. But I think this group is taking it too far in an attempt to defy social norms and feel "different".

You know what..I need to cut this loser loose from my heart. He isn't who I married and I can do better for myself and my daughter. If this is who he is now I certainly don't need or want it in my life.

I grew up. Apparently he didn't.

And I believe that at some point all of this nonsense will blow up and his little bubble of fantasy will be punctured. He has isolated himself within a group of people that function in the same disfunctional way. I think it will get harder and harder for him to function with normal and healthy people as our views are more mature and radically different.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

No Remains I think you are spot on. I do think he is in for a hard melt down I just don't know when. It's been coming for a while. And he has surrounded himself with people who are supporting his total unraveling.

But I won't be there for him. Not this time. He has made it totally clear that he 'does not want to be married and he should have left me a long time ago'. This OW can support him when he falls apart.

And he probably does need some medical help. I think this is part of why he refused counseling. My daughter told him a month ago that i wanted her to speak with a counseler. His response to his 12 year old daughter was "Counseling is for people who are crazy. You and I are not crazy.


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

You are dealing with bizarro world. That is where your husband is at, in another world. I have a brother in law that is into weird stuff, conspiracy theories, health supplements, etc. He basically bankrupted my wife's sister and her husband. My wife's sister's husband is dying of cancer and more than likely has days or weeks at the most of living and my other brother in law convinced them to take this miracle cure that is very expensive and my wife's sister (who has no money due to her husband's illness) maxed out their credit cards for this crap. They can't afford groceries now. So people get into weird stuff and it drives them. They hook up with folks on the internet that share their same views and it feeds them. They do not want to listen to reason, because they are right. In my BIL's case, his health is failing and he keeps pushing expensive supplements. I told the family if these things are so great why isn't working for him? Then we have a dying BIL and all they do is push expensive crap and bankrupt them, instead of reaching out and showing compassion to a dying man and his grieving wife.

Like my one BIL your husband is in a cult. The bizarre change of dress, being controlled, not having contact with outsiders, shunning a "mole", is all cult behavior. I have dealt with people in cults and it is difficult to break out of them.

It is difficult to reason with them because they share everything with the other members and the ones who are controlling the group will manipulate everything that is said to them. If you tell your husband that he is in a cult or is crazy, he will tell the other members everything and they will counter with their spin. He will be told, no one cares or understands you like we do, we are your family, we are your true friends, the world (including your wife) is against us because we know the truth, we have insight that no one else has. We and you are special. I could go on. It is brain washing and a person with a broken soul buys into this crap and feels special. There are religious groups, militant groups, a whole host of groups like this.

your husband is lost but he thinks he found himself. This is not about you. It never was. We can say it is fantasy but to your husband this is the real deal. If it is drugs that could explain some of his behavior but I have seen the same behavior when people get involved in cults or other weird stuff.

I know your world has been turned upside down and I do not have answers because none of us here on TAM or yourself know what the heck is really going on in his life. All I can do is give you a hug and tell you to hang in there and hopefully you can move forward and get some answers.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

"It is difficult to reason with them because they share everything with the other members and the ones who are controlling the group will manipulate everything that is said to them. If you tell your husband that he is in a cult or is crazy, he will tell the other members everything and they will counter with their spin. He will be told, no one cares or understands you like we do, we are your family, we are your true friends, the world (including your wife) is against us because we know the truth, we have insight that no one else has. We and you are special. I could go on. It is brain washing and a person with a broken soul buys into this crap and feels special. There are religious groups, militant groups, a whole host of groups like this."

Thanks for this Thorburn. This hits the nail on the head. He started referring to them as his family back in the fall. I started pushing him to take a break back then and then he began to withdraw completely. I told him he was obsessed and really needed to take a break and walk away for a bit. Next thing I know members of his team were posting odd comments about "Love me for who I am or let me go". Obviously directed at me. And he just pulled away completely. He did in fact meet all of these characters on the internet. I have been concerned for a long time now that it was becoming very cult-like. And he has turned against me completely - I am the enemy.

This gives me some perspective. I am glad to hear others say that this behavior is really unusual because I was truly starting to believe that I was being too hard.

I think he is in so deep that it could be a long time for his to break away from this if he ever does.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Time to move on. : ) And hugs back to you Thorburn.


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## unsure78 (Oct 17, 2011)

I agree with the others its the fog- then they go back and change history- I have heard the same things- start moving forward Unsure, and get into counseling


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## WhereAmI (Nov 3, 2010)

It's possible he's been possessed by one of the many ghosts they've been hunting. Perhaps you could convince him an exorcism is warranted?

JK But it would be funny to use that line on him. "This behavior is not you! What have you done with my H, get out of his body GHOUL!" It would play into his delusions.

Obviously your situation is more serious than that. It has to be frightening to have a loved one fall into a cult. I'm sure you'll come out of this a stronger woman.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy (Jul 17, 2011)

I wonder if you file for divorce (and you should) can you require as part of him having access to your daughter, that he take an pass periodic drug testing?


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

I filed for divorce. We are fully in the process. I don't think I can require that unless I can prove that he has a problem with drugs and I can't. I don't know if that is part of the equation at this point. I did ask my attorney that question though. : )


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

WhereAmI - It is pretty strange. It's sort of hard to even imagine. I actually did some research on cult psychology during my lunch break and it's a dead ringer for his behavior. With that said there really is nothing I can do except move on and get myself away from it. 

One of the key things is that they walk away from there families and friends and isolate themselves within the group. That is pretty much what he has done. How freaking weird. I had joked about it before but after getting the story about the "mole" in the group I realized that these people are WAY out in left field. 

Really unhealthy. And it sort of explains why he is withdrawing from my daughter too. Before this happened I never imagined he would do that because they were close.


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## iheartlife (Apr 4, 2012)

Unsure2621 said:


> One of the key things is that they walk away from there families and friends and isolate themselves within the group. That is pretty much what he has done.


Yes, this rings true to me also from what you've said. This is why I am doubtful how much of this is fog. Fog + alcoholism getting worse + possible drug use + a bunch of new weirdo best friends who believe that his wife may be interfering with their contact with the spirit world. I mean, there's hardly any room for affair fog in that pea soup.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Ha! iHeart My thoughts exactly. That's one hell of a toxic ****tail. Sadly it makes me feel better because it cements that this isn't really about me. It's about him and he is a lost soul.

At this point the best I can do is move on and wish him well and hope he finds himself somewhere in the fog.


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## Pluto2 (Aug 17, 2011)

Unsure, ask your attorney for a GAL evaluation for visitation/scheduling purposes and site your uneasiness with his change in behavior. Most judges really try to do whats best for the children, but they have to actually know what's going on. 
I completely agree with you on the fog and re-writing history. My STBXH is smack dab in the middle of that. Total change of behavior and thinking. I'd like to think that one day he will snap out of it and realize what a terrific family he gave up, but I just don't think that will happen.


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## Unsure2621 (Mar 23, 2012)

Thanks for the info Pluto.

I don't think my STBXH is going to wake up. He has made it really clear that he doesn't want to be married and that marriage just isn't for him. It took him 14 years to figure it out.

For me it was like he woke up one day and realized this. But according to him he has been unhappy for a VERY long time and he should have left sooner. I honestly wish he would have. At least then it would have ended before he started an affair with another woman. At the very least he could have voiced it rather than avoiding conflict like a coward for years and years.

I am at the point now where I really don't want to reconcile. I did in the beginning because of the shock of it all. But at this point I just think he is a coward and morally weak. Not mention just totally off the freaking deep end.


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