# Is it so awful to vent about your kids?



## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

I love them both dearly, but sometimes they annoy me so much with their crap. But I people feel the need to make me feel like Hitler because I don't think my two little angels are ACTUALLY little angels. 

Doesn't anyone ever feel the need to have a safe place to vent? "I love my son, but he has the WORST smelling body odor!" 

For me, well...my son is an idiot. I say that factually, not judgementally. He's almost 9 years old, he has blond hair, and he's an idiot. It'd be easier if there was definitely something wrong with him, but there isn't. No downs syndrome or any other mental defect that's made itself obvious. He just completely and utterly refuses to "think". 

I'm sure I'll either get some heavy flaming for being a "child hater" or just told "well that's what 9 year olds are like." But still...is it so awful I feel that way sometimes? Like I said I love them both...but I'm not so deluded I think they are perfect.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Everyone needs a safe place to vent whether it be about their kids, their spouses or their mother in laws. The problem is when venting turns into whining. Whining is when you continue to complain about the same thing continuously without solving the problem, it becomes excessive, they pick up on how you really feel and you have little positive to say.


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## Wiltshireman (Jan 23, 2013)

OP,

I do not think there is anything wrong with "venting" I think it is so much better than just "bottling it up". I would advice against venting in front of the kids though as it could upset or demoralize them.

All children are different, they do different things in different orders at different ages. As long as they know that you love them they will be more open to your help and guidance.

As for your 9 year old son who you say "refuses to think" (I know a few adults like that) just try and find examples of when he does think and praise him for them. This positive reinforcement may help but there is no quick fix.


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

Nothing wrong with it at all. Parents are human beings not demi- gods.

Venting is a natural instinct of relieving emotional pressure.

I have five kids. If I didn't have a pressure valve I wouldn't have made it this far.


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## *LittleDeer* (Apr 19, 2012)

Nothing wrong with venting. No child is perfect. 

But calling your child an idiot is sad and shows something wrong with the way you are thinking about your children.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

Kids make you insane. I love them to pieces and I wouldn't trade mine for any others, but I've actually heard myself say "don't put butter on the dog." and "don't wipe your hamburger on the window." No sane person says things like that.


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## LovesHerMan (Jul 28, 2011)

Insanity is inherited--you get it from your children. 

Yes, it is frustrating to be a parent, but you become fully mature by learning how to handle difficulties. Children go through many stages, and it is your job to figure out how to handle each one. Is your son seeking attention? Does he need a tutor? Calling him an idiot is not the way to help him learn how to think.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

I vent about my children.

Children are just people. Adults in training. They are not my children, per se, I just birthed them and now guide them into who they are supposed to be.

And sometimes, they are annoying. Sometimes they are big ding dongs. My oldest child...omg...sometimes I wonder about her. 13 years old and can't figure out how to use a freakin' can opener and i've shown her about 4 times.

Yea. I get it.

But she'll find her way. Same as your son will. I taught fifth grade for 12 years and now teach 2nd. I see brilliant children and ding dongs. All will be ok. Diversity makes the world go round.

But I get the whole "refuse to think" thing. Kids don't want to think these days. I can't tell you how many times I have sat in a quiet room because no one wanted to answer my question--- they were trying to wait me out so I'd give them the answers. Dang. Screw that. I would sit down and just stare at them until SOMEONE gave me SOMETHING.

Make your son think. Give him something to do and DO NOT HELP HIM. Tell him he has such and such time to finish and make it something he can figure out. I do this with my older daughter all the time.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

You vent a little more harshly than I do but yes I vent about my kids. You can't love so fiercely without high annoyance haha!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## CantePe (Oct 5, 2011)

I've always said the more technology we have the less we think for ourselves. It shows in the generation gaps.


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## Bobby5000 (Oct 19, 2011)

First, I think you have to realize kids are different and you don't get to pick out what you like, as in car-shopping. I think you should try to enjoy and learn to appreciate him. Kids who are different, the beauty queen gets the nerd, sports guys get kids who like computer. 

Part of your job is try to mold your child into what he can be.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Oh yes. The punk rocker (me) got the hip hopper (my oldest). LOL But I give her music a chance! I can groove...


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## ATC529R (Oct 31, 2012)

Jadiel said:


> I love them both dearly, but sometimes they annoy me so much with their crap. But I people feel the need to make me feel like Hitler because I don't think my two little angels are ACTUALLY little angels.
> 
> Doesn't anyone ever feel the need to have a safe place to vent? "I love my son, but he has the WORST smelling body odor!"
> 
> ...


venting is ok I guess....but calling a 9 year old an idiot is a bit much.

your the parent responsible for molding his mind and habits. look in the mirror.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

We have 5 kids. I have always considered I evaluate them honestly. Maybe not to their face but to my husband, after all he also contributed to their being.

I leant early on not to share this with other people as they inevitably took me wrong. For instance, I once told a friend our third son was a baby from hell and next thing I know my mother is asking why I was saying he was demon spawn.

Our youngest was not a pretty baby, and anyone with eyes could see that. Our eldest is honestly heading down deadbeat road, H says he will end up as the relative no one wants around.

Sometimes you have to be realistic about your kids to help them or make decisions. Just be aware there are those who are too precious to understand where you are coming from and be careful when talking to your child that you don't run them down.


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## Dr. Rockstar (Mar 23, 2011)

Most of our kids teacher's think we treat our kids much too harshly, so they tend to think we're these Nazi tyrants. Some people (usually those without kids or empty-nesters). We've just learned to accept their criticisms and continue to do our best to raise our children. You can't change everyone's mind. They just don't understand your struggles, just like you or I don't understand theirs.

And yes, children are idiots. When my wife and I vent, we try to make jokes out of our frustrations (and then we post them on Facebook). For example: Our oldest (13) has straight A's but her head's as empty as a hot-air balloon. The incidents I'm going to share have happened in just the past week.
1) She thought that Jews and Nazis were good friends because they were in WWII together.
2)She believed that the Afghan conflict the US has been in for the last 10 years was WWIV.
3) We've belonged to the YMCA for about a year. At the local Y the exterior walls are decorated with stick figures participating in all these different sporting events (the kind that you would see during Olympic telecasts). Up until earlier this week she thought those symbols were in Japanese.

Straight A's, people.


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## Soifon (Oct 5, 2012)

When you say your 9 year old is an idiot you say it as though you believe that is his lot in life. It may be true that he isn't the smartest kid in the world but guess what. Not everyone can be. There will always be kids at the top in school and kids at the bottom. My SO is not "smart" he can't spell to save his life, he has trouble reading, etc. But you know what, you tell him to fix a car or fix a house, or well fix anything and he is AMAZING! I could never do the things he does. He has his strengths and school wasn't one of them. 

Try to find your son's strengths and focus on that instead of his downfalls. And yes we all need to vent about our kids sometimes, there is nothing wrong with it as long as your aren't venting to them!


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## Jadiel (Oct 10, 2012)

Yeah, admittedly it was harsh. He's definitely not an IDIOT. Not in the academic sense. More like common sense. Or whatever you call it. 

For example...nighttime: 4 year old comes up to use bathroom. She goes in, does business, flushes toilet, goes to bed. Takes about 60 seconds.

8 year old boy comes up to use bathroom. He goes in, closes door, all in quiet, then crash, bang, explosion, rushing water, OH NO WHAT IS GOING ON!? He comes out covered in baby powder and smelling like every kind of scented spray we have.

4 year old wants a drink. She goes to kitchen, gets a cup, pours herself a drink, drinks her drink.

8 year old wants a drink. He stares in agony at his empty cup, with honestly no clue of how to magically teleport the beverage from its container into the cup. Then when he finally figures it out, it's once again crash bang explosion, discovering that he decided to place the cup on the floor, while holding the jug waaaaay above his head and seeing if he could bullseye it. Of course, he knocked the cup over, but rather than just put the jug down, he kept pouring it until it was empty, so now there's a whole gallon of milk on the floor....lol....

It IS rather frustrating when you trust the 4 year old to handle a carton of eggs more than the almost 9 year old. Idiot is still a harsh term and I apologize for that, but really...just makes me want to pull my hair out sometimes.


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## Bellavista (May 29, 2012)

I get that George, our eldest son is an aspie, it can be challenging. He is the child I have the most problems with, even at 24.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

It sounds like he has a sort of foggy brain.
Have you taken him to the doctor for an evaluation?
My son was like this, and he was diagnosed with thyroid failure.
It can cause slow mental processing and make it difficult to learn from the environment...basically, the affected child cannot 'poll' their environment as fast as others...and so cannot absorb common sense 'intelligence' through observation. My son, however, is not intellectually lacking in any way, his IQ is very high and he excels at school as well as artistically. Once we got his thyroid figured out he has been doing fairly well. He has had treatment in younger years for being on the Autistic spectrum, but they gave him a NOS diagnosis with slow mental processing, which turned out to be thyroid.

The point is, if you notice something lacking in your child, while it's really frustrating to have to slow down your life to accommodate the various issues that are caused by child's behavior, get a grip and take the child to a developmental specialty team at a good children's hospital and get him a good workup, that he deserves. Thyroid is very easy to check. And the treatment is also very easy. There are other issues, such as blood sugar, that can cause issues as well. 

Whenever a child is significantly different and cannot handle activities of daily living such that it begins to be socially disabling to family life, instead of making the kid a scapegoat of sorts and engaging in your own adjustment disorder, try to get out of your own fog and feel free to be horrified enough to understand that yes, there is probably something wrong with your kid...if it's that bad you have to call him an idiot. Then take a deep breath and understand that a good medical/psych/development team can help you figure out what it is and what to do about it.

BTDT. Not being mean, but it sounds like something is really up, this is not just venting if you are generally a reasonable person and your son, at age 9, has got under your skin to this level.

He has a younger sister who is as you described your 4 year old. And a much older brother who is also fairly 'normal' (in actuality none of us in our family could really be considered normal, lol.) He also had a tethered spinal cord, which made him incontinent until it was properly diagnosed at age 7...the thyroid issue and presenting as somewhat autistic kind of clouded the issue of diagnosis I think. Plus my stress level at the incontinence, the first thing medical teams are going to look for is stress/anxiety...so if you want things to improve, vent by all means, by try to develop a different kind of language. And find ways to make your life easier, in the meantime, so it isn't frustrating. If he does change, it's not going to be overnight, and nothing will change unless you seek outside help. It's been 9 years, right, and it's getting worse, not better. So, don't make guesses, because the clock is ticking. In 11 years he will be an adult, and should be able to function on his own in the world. That's your job. Head out of sand!


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