# i desperately need help



## togetherinlove (Sep 1, 2010)

Hello,
I am new to this site and i dont know if i have come to the right place or not.my fiance and i have been together for 3 years and have two of the most beautiful little girls in the world.My man works very hard to provide for us so that i can stay at home with our little ones,i worship him,he is my world,my every day revolves around him and how to make him happpy and counting the moments til i will see him again.
However,we do have our problems like any couple,we fight,we argue,usually over stupid stuff but it seems the biggest thing we fight over is sex.I am a very sexual person,and I want sex at night before bed and in the morning when we wake up.Hey,I cant help that Im so attracted to him just seeing him without a shirt on makes me want to make love with him! but,the problem is that he doesnt even like sex! he is only 21 and should be at his prime,but he says he would rather watch porn and get off by himself than make love.I am always willing and open to try new things.He always satisfies me in bed,after we start he is usually fine but it just seems like he doesnt even want sex because its too much work? i dont know anymore.I need help finding ways to make him happier in bed ways to make him feel loved even without having sex.has anyone else comeacross this problem?He is truly the heartbeat of my life and if I have to live a sexless life to be with him then I will because I love him so much and I want him to be happy.


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## lonelyandpregnant (Sep 2, 2010)

Maybe he's overwhelmed by how much you need sex? I agree, though, sometimes I feel like it is alot of work. 

Maybe come to an agreement about how often to do it? Or maybe, let him initiate and see what happens?

I don't really know, but I just wanted to let you know I read your post. I'm pregnant and don't want it at all so my guy is taking care of business himself lately. It sucks, but that's how it is.


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## Chris Taylor (Jul 22, 2010)

Assuming there's no medical issue involved, maybe twice a day, every day is a bit much. Maybe you should take care of business yourself a few times a week to keep the bed action fresh.


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## greeneyeddolphin (May 31, 2010)

Saying he'd rather watch porn and get himself off than have sex...wow. I do think twice a day everyday is quite a bit. I mean, I love my boyfriend, I find him totally hot and always want to jump his bones, but even so, twice a day would wear me out.  I agree with the idea of taking care of yourself sometimes, and maybe cut down to once a day or even once every other day. If he still says the same thing, then ask him what kind of frequency he would like, or let him initiate. If he doesn't initiate and is still looking at porn and getting himself off, then you have problems. 

I would be very upset if my boyfriend told me he preferred porn to me, but I'd also try to figure out why. There are tons of reasons why men will avoid sex...I'd bet every guy on this site could probably give you a different reason. 

One thing I notice...you talk about how's he's the center of your world and counting the minutes until you see him again, worship him and all that. I wonder if perhaps he's overwhelmed by you? I love my boyfriend to death as well, but he (and I, as well) needs some space sometimes. To be online, to read a book, to sleep, or just take a deep breath and enjoy being alone. I'm not saying that it's a bad thing to love him so much, but perhaps if he's already feeling overwhelmed or clung to, it might be that when you want sex, instead of going, "oh, boy, she's hot for me!!", he's thinking, "oh, god, more time with her?" 

Maybe instead of looking for ways to do more for him...more ways to show your love...perhaps look for ways to back off a bit. Find some hobbies or something that take your mind off sex and off him. 

Depending on how all this other stuff works out, you may have to decide what's more important in the relationship: sex or everything else he gives you. If it's everything else he gives you, then you accept what he can offer sexually and take care of yourself if you need more. If it's sex, then you have to accept that he can't offer you anything more sexually and move on.


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