# New guy... same old trust issues



## dior01 (Jun 21, 2011)

Thanks for reading this.

I have been thru a lot and got out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a cheating, lying pig 6 months ago.. phew! It's been hard to say the least and I suffered a lot getting over him and everything he put me thru while he was busy moving on in a matter of weeks and getting another girl pregnant. Did I mention we were engaged and living together?

Anyways.. I met this amazing guy 1 month ago.. the way we met was so out of the norm andalmost like 'meant to be".. (he had to pick up his sister's best friend from my birthday party because she was too drunk to drive home and that's how we met by fluke)

We moved a bit fast but it was like love at first sight so it felt right.. (we became official a month into dating) He is so different from my ex (even though physically they look a lot a like) He is respectful and sweet and wants to spend every minute with me..

So why is it that for the last week I've been questioning him like crazy? A few times he took hours to get back to me or had his phone off.. and even though he had a pefectly good explanation my gut was acting up like something shady was going on.. he's never given me a reason not to trust him so far and is the sweetest guy ever.. so am I going crazy or is my gut so well trained after my past experience that I detect even the smallest lie?

Any advice is appreciated.. I really like this one..


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

You've only known this guy for a month so my advice is to take it really slow. 
Feel him out. Right now you are just getting to know him. If you find that he isn't as into the relationship as you are, just let him go. 30 days isn't that long. You're in the beginning stages. Enjoy it.


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

dior01 said:


> Thanks for reading this.
> 
> I have been thru a lot and got out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a cheating, lying pig 6 months ago.. phew! It's been hard to say the least and I suffered a lot getting over him and everything he put me thru while he was busy moving on in a matter of weeks and getting another girl pregnant. Did I mention we were engaged and living together?
> 
> ...



You are feeling this way because the last man you loved was not trustworthy. You also feel this way because the man you are with now you do not know him. You moved quickly and you were on the rebound from your ex moving on.

Any way you can live on your own without a man? What happens when we live a lone a few years is to have retrospect into what when wrong with the first guy. Then you are independent, self-assured, and have a ton of confidence. You will learn so much about yourself.

I am sorry for your loss. The new guy might be the one too, but he needs to know that you have trust issues. So, at first you will need him to be there 24/7 by page, phone, or person so you can build trust again. Explain to him that you need this because of your past trust issues. See if he will agree to be there for you 24/7. When he is always there for you - and you have no aching feelings about it - then move forward.

I am afriad that your feelings you have now are trying to tell you something about this new guy - Listen to your heart


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Jellybeans said:


> You've only known this guy for a month so my advice is to take it really slow.
> Feel him out. Right now you are just getting to know him. If you find that he isn't as into the relationship as you are, just let him go. 30 days isn't that long. You're in the beginning stages. Enjoy it.


:iagree:

I'm not sure exactly what "becoming official" means--but it sounds to me like you're trying to make a different ending to your old relationship instead of build a new and healthy relationship.

To me it looks as though you found a guy that looks like the last one, pretty much completely skipped dating, went right into a full-on committed encompassing relationship and now you're laying all of the consequences of your ex's behavior on this new guy who hasn't done anything to you.

If I were a month into dating someone and they were interrogating me about how long it took me to call them back, or whether my phone was on or off and when---I'd run for the hills! That kind of expectation is way too much, way too soon! Frankly, you're missing all the fun of dating itself!

Like you said yourself, you've been through a lot. Take some time and get your own head on straight. Once you've had a chance to work through your last relationship, you won't need to jump into something new so fast, you won't have to wonder if you're imagining whether something is shady or not...you'll know. You'll have your boundaries and it will be really clear when someone is crossing them, when it's legitimate and when it's BS.

This guy may be good, he may be bad, he's probably somewhere in the middle like most people, lol. But it doesn't sound like it's really him you're always seeing...


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

COGypsy said:


> :iagree:
> 
> I'm not sure exactly what "becoming official" means--but it sounds to me like you're trying to make a different ending to your old relationship instead of build a new and healthy relationship.
> 
> ...


This is soooo good


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Gypsy nailed it.



COGypsy said:


> If I were a month into dating someone and they were interrogating me about how long it took me to call them back, or whether my phone was on or off and when---I'd run for the hills! That kind of expectation is way too much, way too soon! Frankly, you're missing all the fun of dating itself!


Word!


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## 4821 (Nov 3, 2011)

that_girl said:


> This is soooo good


I agree - this is so good. Great advice -


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## dior01 (Jun 21, 2011)

I've posted an update in the general discussion..

it's starting to look like I had a reason to suspect

and by "official" I mean we both said we are going to be exclusive.. and he actually said it first then i agreed.. we also met each others friends and families.. and we both talked about how we moved a little fast but it "just feels right" (verbatum) so I'm not some crazy girl that's interpreting this differently.. he said it with his own mouth then started acting shady out of the blue..


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