# bad day yesterday :(



## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

the morning wasnt too bad but as the day progressed I could feel myself getting more and more anxious. I wrote H a letter yesterday basically asking him to try and saying that i want him to come home. I havent given it to him and probably wont.. 
Went home at lunch and took half a valium because I was on the edge, shaking, crying etc.
In the arvo I had my counsellors appt and i told him that i wanted to talk to h and ask him to come home and try.. the Counsellor said he doesnt think that's a good idea that it will only push H further away. He thinks I need to back off and give him space otherwise it will def be over...
He also told me that H told him that he wasnt sure if he's ever been happy in our relationship... this made me so angry!! It is just such a lie, there is no way that he has not been happy for 12 years and I just want to know what the hell is going through his head for him to even say something like that. Nyway that anger has really made me not want to be anywhere near him, talk to him or anything!! I just wish I never had to see him or talk to him at all at the moment.
The Cousellor also said it is still very early days and that this process could take 18 months to 2 years before there is any change at all  I cannot live like this for 18 months, but I still dont want to give up. I feel like if I give up it will really be over.

I just want to feel better! I hate feeling like this every day


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> The Cousellor also said it is still very early days and that this process could take 18 months to 2 years before there is any change at all  I cannot live like this for 18 months, but I still dont want to give up. I feel like if I give up it will really be over.


yep, hate the time some things take to get a real answer one way or the other 



> I just want to feel better! I hate feeling like this every day


Well, if it helps at all, I use to have a bad day every day, a couple of months down the track I have a bad day every now and then, things are still up in the air for me, but not so many bad days now.


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> yep, hate the time some things take to get a real answer one way or the other
> 
> 
> 
> Well, if it helps at all, I use to have a bad day every day, a couple of months down the track I have a bad day every now and then, things are still up in the air for me, but not so many bad days now.


How long has it been since your wife left Crank?


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> How long has it been since your wife left Crank?


Jan 26 2011 was the separation day.


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> Jan 26 2011 was the separation day.


Mine left on the 17th Jan  I just need to somehow come to terms with this and accept the situation as it is now... how to do that is the question?


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Mines Oct 27th and I am still really struggling


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> Mine left on the 17th Jan  I just need to somehow come to terms with this and accept the situation as it is now... how to do that is the question?


Keep busy to start with so you don't keep thinking about your partner so much, how to keep busy, thats the hard part !



AmImad said:


> Mines Oct 27th and I am still really struggling


but you are getting there


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## vivea (Jan 22, 2011)

Do you guys have kids?

If you don't or the kids are older i would just go places all day,don' stay at home alone except for sleeping.
What made me feel better is hanging out at my brothers house.They were supportive and lovely people,they would feed me and help with the kids. I lost so much weight i could barely walk at one point..it was horrible.
My heart breaks for you guys ,i know how it feels and i never want to go back to feeling the same way.
BUT from what i hear you can overcome the horrible feeling...i hope it happens for you fast .
hugs


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

vivea said:


> Do you guys have kids?
> 
> If you don't or the kids are older i would just go places all day,don' stay at home alone except for sleeping.
> What made me feel better is hanging out at my brothers house.They were supportive and lovely people,they would feed me and help with the kids. I lost so much weight i could barely walk at one point..it was horrible.
> ...


Well, you know my story, oh, I lost 15kg, don't go out all that much, been fixing the house up. Having the TV going as background noise makes the place not so lonely though


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SadAngel said:


> Went home at lunch and took half a valium because I was on the edge, shaking, crying etc.


I used to pop valium like candy when I was still with my husband. I remember sitting in the back seat of the car. My husband and I were fighting (what else was new? ). I'd drank about a half bottle of wine and took THREE pills at once. My husband was driving and ripping into me. The kids were begging him to stop...

Yeah, good times. I so miss being with him! NOT.  :slap:



> I had my counsellors appt and i told him that i wanted to talk to h and ask him to come home and try.. the Counsellor said he doesnt think that's a good idea that it will only push H further away. He thinks I need to back off and give him space otherwise it will def be over...


I agree..Have you checked this out? http://talkaboutmarriage.com/self-help-marriage-relationship-programs/18671-180.html



> He also told me that H told him that he wasnt sure if he's ever been happy in our relationship... this made me so angry!! It is just such a lie, there is no way that he has not been happy for 12 years and I just want to know what the hell is going through his head for him to even say something like that. Nyway that anger has really made me not want to be anywhere near him, talk to him or anything!! I just wish I never had to see him or talk to him at all at the moment.


I'm surprised the counselor is telling you things your husband has told him. Doesn't sound quite right. 

I feel your pain though. My husband has told me outright that we never had good times. I actually asked him once if the good times we shared meant nothing. His response was "What good times?" I proceeded to list them and he dismissed them all as a "tale inside my head" and pretty told me that the last 20 years, even the last 2 years after we "reconciled", pretty much stunk. Yes, it hurt. I felt as you did..angry, betrayed, hurt. 

I think it's a defense mechanism. If they have to admit there's a marriage worth saving then it makes it harder to just walk away. Make sense to you? It certainly seems that way to me. Better to say that it sucked all the time so now there's a rationale for just blowing it all off. It's easier that way too. 

Plus, with my husband alcoholism I think he BELIEVES it. He's neatly compartmentalized everything in his head. He and everything he's done is fine and justifiable and I'm the bad person that's to blame for all his problems. 



> The Cousellor also said it is still very early days and that this process could take 18 months to 2 years before there is any change at all  I cannot live like this for 18 months, but I still dont want to give up. I feel like if I give up it will really be over.
> 
> I just want to feel better! I hate feeling like this every day


Depends. Moving on and living your life without him isn't "giving up". It's surviving. There's no shame in that. You can't keep beating your head against that proverbial wall. All you'll get is a headache. 

I don't take valium anymore. I've accepted the situation for what it is and I don't consider it capitulation. It takes two to tango. If the other person won't work with you to fix things then it's a futile gesture. You are just aggravating the situation and making yourself a mental and emotional wreck trying to fix something that can't be fixed. Chasing after your H, writing letters begging to take you back, calling, texting, wasting your life pining away for something you can't have is a waste. It makes you feel worse. It deprives you of your pride and self esteem and it leaves you open for more pain and hurt. 

Taking control of your life and emotions and living life, as imperfect as it is, to the fullest isn't admitting that it's over. It's your best shot at saving the marriage. No one wants to be in the position of going back into a relationship because they've been begged, convince or harangued to do so. 

What will eventually happen is that you'll be come consumed by anger, resentment and frustration and you'll come off as desperate and pitiful. Your relationship won't get better..you'll just be right back where you started when it all fell apart. Is that what you want? 

You CAN live like that for 18 months or more. But if you keep TELLING yourself you can't then you'll do a great job of convincing yourself. But you won't convince him of anything. 

If you come off as strong, independent and confident then you might have a shot. You'll be someone he'll respect and maybe miss and want to be with. Give it some thought. 

I've been separated since the end of November. I guess that's just short of 4 months? I'll tell you this. It hasn't been easy but it's been a LOT better than the 4 months before we separated were...and every day gets better. :smthumbup:


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Mines Oct 27th and I am still really struggling


It's awful isn't it


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

vivea said:


> Do you guys have kids?
> 
> If you don't or the kids are older i would just go places all day,don' stay at home alone except for sleeping.
> What made me feel better is hanging out at my brothers house.They were supportive and lovely people,they would feed me and help with the kids. I lost so much weight i could barely walk at one point..it was horrible.
> ...


We have 3 kids, they are my saviour at the moment. Dont know what I would do without them.


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> .
> 
> I used to pop valium like candy when I was still with my husband. I remember sitting in the back seat of the car. My husband and I were fighting (what else was new? ). I'd drank about a half bottle of wine and took THREE pills at once. My husband was driving and ripping into me. The kids were begging hm to stop...
> 
> ...


Thanks Freak 

I am definitely on the 180 path at the moment just have to try and do it without going overboard and telling him what I really think about him at the moment.

When we first started seeing the counsellor he asked both of us if we were happy for him to firstly see us individually and if we wanted him to share information he though was important or helpful in any way... we both agreed to that.

In a way what he said yesterday has helped me to not want to beg plead etc for H to come home cause I am just so annoyed that he would even say something like that.

I have been good with the Valium, got the script months ago but have only taken a few here and there... yesterday was one of those days where it was a necessity lol

Your H sounds like a bit of a loose cannon, I can see why you would be happier not being in that situation.

I wish I had a reason to feel like that about my relationship but I dont  Up until a few months ago I had NO idea that things were this bad... that makes me angry as well cause I'm really p****ed that he didnt even say anything and he says he's been feeling like this for at least 12 months. So the last year (at least) of my life was a lie... every single day he would say I love you and every single day he was lying to me!

He says he doesnt want to be around me... yet he is the one who has been lying to me every. single. day.


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> Thanks Freak
> 
> 
> I wish I had a reason to feel like that about my relationship but I dont  Up until a few months ago I had NO idea that things were this bad... that makes me angry as well cause I'm really p****ed that he didnt even say anything and he says he's been feeling like this for at least 12 months. So the last year (at least) of my life was a lie... every single day he would say I love you and every single day he was lying to me!
> ...


I hear ya. It was exactly the same with my husband, I had no clue he was feeling the way he tells me he was. It seems that I pretty much shoved him into this other womans arms - or rather thats how he justifies it to himself. 

We had a huge fight tonight. He brought things up again like he had bought me tickets to go back to Ireland to visit my family (ONCE IN 10 YEARS I MIGHT ADD!), and that he ad done laundry/cooked/cleaned while I was going to night classes. Whatever - my life will be better without that crap in it. 

Our son came down & yelled at him to stop yelling at me. So good thing is now we have said no more fighting/blaming etc, as it is only taking an awful toll on the kids. We are done, our marriage is over, lets be civil & do what is best for the kids now.


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> I hear ya. It was exactly the same with my husband, I had no clue he was feeling the way he tells me he was. It seems that I pretty much shoved him into this other womans arms - or rather thats how he justifies it to himself.
> 
> We had a huge fight tonight. He brought things up again like he had bought me tickets to go back to Ireland to visit my family (ONCE IN 10 YEARS I MIGHT ADD!), and that he ad done laundry/cooked/cleaned while I was going to night classes. Whatever - my life will be better without that crap in it.
> 
> Our son came down & yelled at him to stop yelling at me. So good thing is now we have said no more fighting/blaming etc, as it is only taking an awful toll on the kids. We are done, our marriage is over, lets be civil & do what is best for the kids now.


Yep your kids definitely dont need to be around that kind of stuff  
My counsellor says that it is not me and that H has said that I haven't done anything wrong, that it is him that has changed and he is doing what makes him happy... I am so sick of hearing about his selfish friggin attitude


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

wish my W & I had argued, at least there would have been something to go on.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SadAngel said:


> Thanks Freak
> 
> I am definitely on the 180 path at the moment just have to try and do it without going overboard and telling him what I really think about him at the moment.


The point is NOT to tell him! You don't discuss ANYTHING like that with him. You keep it non-confrontational. No arguing, no debates about what happened in the past. No looking for reassurances or trying to patch things up. You are trying to give the impression that you are "moving on". But you friendly, polite, cordial. You speak only of what is absolutely necessary about the kids, visitation, money. Otherwise it's like talking with a business partner. How the weather is, how good a movie you saw last week was..stuff like that. 

NO PERSONAL TALK!! Trust me, it not only helps diffuse the tension and anger but it puts you in a better frame of mind to deal with him and the situation. 

Read the thread I linked very carefully. 



> When we first started seeing the counsellor he asked both of us if we were happy for him to firstly see us individually and if we wanted him to share information he though was important or helpful in any way... we both agreed to that.


I don't know if I like that idea. I'd want to do MC with my husband and do counseling individually and have it kept confidential. I think I'd be more comfortable having a different counselor than the one who is the marriage counselor. I like to keep things from getting too entangled. 



> In a way what he said yesterday has helped me to not want to beg plead etc for H to come home cause I am just so annoyed that he would even say something like that.


Anything that helps open your eyes and gain perspective on the reality of your situation is good IMO. Knowledge is Power.  It might hurt initially but then you can utilize it to make some important decisions. 



> I have been good with the Valium, got the script months ago but have only taken a few here and there... yesterday was one of those days where it was a necessity lol


I still have an extra script but I haven't filled it because my current bottle is half full. It's for two pills a day. Right before we separated I was taking WAY to much. I had to in order to deal with my husband. He'd get on me so often and so hard and his mood swings and lecturing and abuse was driving me to the edge. I did some pretty awful stuff, like self mutilation. The guy just drove me nuts. 

In fact, now the ONLY time I do take Valium is when I have to deal with him! So I try and avoid that scenario whenever possible. Otherwise, I don't take it. I think that indicates something. 



> Your H sounds like a bit of a loose cannon, I can see why you would be happier not being in that situation.


He used to be a great guy. We had our problems and I'm not blameless for many of them but now he's an alcoholic. The rules have all changed. I read all the threads and scenarios here, about the husband who walk out, have affairs, are depressed, have mid life crisis, etc. My husband was diagnosed as clinically depressed at one time. It's probably what started him drinking..he was looking to self medicate. 

But the alcohol is what ultimately did him in and is destroying him now. It's unlike anything I've ever seen and I myself have dealt with the horrors of mental illness. To watch what he's done and doing to himself, what he did to our family, our livelihood, etc..THAT is truly insane. I can see how people become homeless and how lives are torn apart by this disease. 

And my husband is a pretty tame drunk. If you met him, you'd like him. He doesn't yell. He's not violent. He just sits and drinks and smokes for the most part. He can be quite pleasant. However he's like a dog under the porch. Leave him be and he's fine but poke him with a stick...

And I've poked him plenty so to ME he's angry and resentful and bitter if I push at him at all. We can chat just fine but if I bring up ANYTHING that displeases him a switch is thrown and Dr. Jekyll becomes Mr. Hyde quickly. 

But even then, what has struck me most is the callousness, insensitivity and selfishness he has shown as a result of his condition. It's AMAZING. The man I knew would NEVER have blown off his son and not called! He never would've done a lot of other things too. Where do I start? :slap: 

That's what I mean by there being a finality to it all and I think that's why I think the way I do when it comes to my marriage. Others hope and pray for reconciliation, they long for a reunion, and dream of love someday returning to their marriage. I've had to slowly accept that there will be none of that for me as long as my husband is having an affair with his bottle of rum. I can't talk to him or reason with him or ANYTHING until that changes. It probably never will change. 

To quote CS Lewis in _The Magician's Nephew_ "Ours is a high and lonely destiny..."



> So the last year (at least) of my life was a lie... every single day he would say I love you and every single day he was lying to me!
> 
> He says he doesnt want to be around me... yet he is the one who has been lying to me every. single. day.


I don't actually agree. He probably did and still does love you. I think he says that NOW because he wants to be able to walk away cleanly. To say that thing were once good would be to admit that there's something worth working towards to save. He's trying to talk himself into a divorce it seems. But he might not really want it. 

The 180 will get you two things if it works. It'll put you farther away from him emotionally and give you the tools to deal with him in an dispassionate and objective manner. It will also make you look better and more appealing to him because he won't feel pressured or suffocated. No one respects someone who begs, pleads and guilts someone else. All you are doing then is annoying him and causing him lose respect for you. 

Sometimes you have to walk away and give someone the space they need for them to ultimately want to be closer to you. I know it makes no sense but it's the truth. 

When my husband and I reconciled a few years back it was great for about six months But then he kept bugging me, nagging me to "spend more time with him." He kept throwing guilt trips at me and bothering me about stupid stuff. It wasn't endearing or charming or wonderful. It was just annoying as hell.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Babyheart said:


> I hear ya. It was exactly the same with my husband, I had no clue he was feeling the way he tells me he was. It seems that I pretty much shoved him into this other womans arms - or rather thats how he justifies it to himself.
> 
> We had a huge fight tonight. He brought things up again like he had bought me tickets to go back to Ireland to visit my family (ONCE IN 10 YEARS I MIGHT ADD!), and that he had done laundry/cooked/cleaned while I was going to night classes. Whatever - my life will be better without that crap in it.


He's an alcoholic. It's par for the course. Nothing is his fault, it's all on you. And he'll bring up every little thing you did wrong or that HE perceives as wrong to bolster himself and all his actions. Welcome to the family.


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> wish my W & I had argued, at least there would have been something to go on.


Don't worry Crankshaw, my husband and I argued enough to make up for you and your wife. I'm surprised you didn't hear us Down Under. Every one else did! :rofl:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Don't worry Crankshaw, my husband and I argued enough to make up for you and your wife. I'm surprised you didn't hear us Down Under. Every one else did! :rofl:


Must be all the sound proofing I put into the walls (W wanted, W got!)


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

We could've used that...except when we moved the fighting outside. Got to be that he spent so much time out on the porch that was where we fought most of the time. Our neighbors probably threw a block party when we moved out. 

Fortunately my new neighbors are clueless. My husband rarely comes here. The one time he sat outside drinking/smoking I told hm he can't do that anymore. That pretty much assured that he would stay at his house. 

Now he sits outside there. We have had a few fights there. Lucky neighbors. But they allow their obnoxious dog to bark constantly so it's payback. 

I don't intend to be there much so it's pretty much a done deal. I grew up in a house where my parents fought constantly and swore that wouldn't happen to me. Too bad it did. It's like a nightmare come true. 

You sound like a really nice guy Crank. Once your nightmare is over you'll bounce back..you'll see!


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## Babyheart (Feb 9, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> Yep your kids definitely dont need to be around that kind of stuff
> My counsellor says that it is not me and that H has said that I haven't done anything wrong, that it is him that has changed and he is doing what makes him happy... I am so sick of hearing about his selfish friggin attitude


What is it? A mid life crisis & now they want to sow their wild oats? Bit late for that a$$holes


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> You sound like a really nice guy Crank. Once your nightmare is over you'll bounce back..you'll see!


better, or you go on my list of those who get a spanking


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> better, or you go on my list of those who get a spanking


Promises promises! ray: :whip:


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Promises promises! ray: :whip:


you just never know


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> The point is NOT to tell him! You don't discuss ANYTHING like that with him. You keep it non-confrontational. No arguing, no debates about what happened in the past. No looking for reassurances or trying to patch things up. You are trying to give the impression that you are "moving on". But you friendly, polite, cordial. You speak only of what is absolutely necessary about the kids, visitation, money. Otherwise it's like talking with a business partner. How the weather is, how good a movie you saw last week was..stuff like that.
> 
> NO PERSONAL TALK!! Trust me, it not only helps diffuse the tension and anger but it puts you in a better frame of mind to deal with him and the situation.
> 
> ...


Thanks Freak  Seriously there is so much good advice in this post. I want to believe that deep down somewhere he does still love me...
At the moment I am full on into the 180... I havent spoken to him at all this week and when he picks up the kids stuff tomorrow I am going to have it all ready for him to pick up so I dont have to see/talk to him at all.

Why does life have to be sooo hard!!?


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## SadAngel (Mar 7, 2011)

Babyheart said:


> What is it? A mid life crisis & now they want to sow their wild oats? Bit late for that a$$holes


I only wish I knew the answer to this question


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

SadAngel said:


> Thanks Freak
> At the moment I am full on into the 180... I havent spoken to him at all this week and when he picks up the kids stuff tomorrow I am going to have it all ready for him to pick up so I dont have to see/talk to him at all.
> 
> Why does life have to be sooo hard!!?


If life wasn't hard there wouldn't be anything to write about. 

Yep, I'm where you are at with the 180. Haven't spoken to my husband since last Sunday or seen him since the Monday BEFORE that. I'm hoping he will come on Friday to pick up my son and I won't be here. My son called him today and read him the riot act. Told my husband that "Mom isn't going to drop me off and I need you to be here by 8 O'clock and keep the phone near you!". :smthumbup: 13 years old! I told my son that he hasn't to demand respect from my husband because he deserves it. He hugged me. 

Let's see if he screws up again this weekend. Any bets? I'd like to go out that night and not deal with my husband at all but I'd hate to leave my son home sitting alone waiting on my huband to pick him up. Something tells me that he will pick him up. If he doesn't then he's truly fu*cked up.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

SadAngel said:


> Thanks Freak  Seriously there is so much good advice in this post. I want to believe that deep down somewhere he does still love me...
> At the moment I am full on into the 180... I havent spoken to him at all this week and when he picks up the kids stuff tomorrow I am going to have it all ready for him to pick up so I dont have to see/talk to him at all.
> 
> Why does life have to be sooo hard!!?


the first time I had the boys that is what I expected, but no, out she comes when I pick them up, and out she comes when I go back to drop them off. 2nd time, when she dropped them off at my sisters, she stayed in the car, but when she came back to pick them up she came up to the front door :scratchhead:


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## Freak On a Leash (Feb 19, 2010)

Crankshaw said:


> the first time I had the boys that is what I expected, but no, out she comes when I pick them up, and out she comes when I go back to drop them off. 2nd time, when she dropped them off at my sisters, she stayed in the car, but when she came back to pick them up she came up to the front door :scratchhead:


Interesting...I don't even know what to make of that. I'd like to feel that she's still got some feelings for you but then again, it might be her way of claiming "her territory" when it comes to the kids. Hard to figure out. Who knows? :scratchhead:

When my husband is pleasant I don't mind seeing him at all. Half the time he is but more and more he's been erratic and unpredictable. I hate when he quizzes me or bugs me to "hang out with him." I just want to say "Hi" and make pleasant conversation and he starts in on me, the whole time saying "I don't want to pressure you". Yeah..ok..right. 

I've made it pretty clear that I'm not into this "hanging out" nonsense. I'm at the point now where we'll be friendly but nothing further until he makes changes and gets sober. Otherwise it's just a huge waste of time and my free time is a precious commodity these days. 

So to avoid aggravation I'll just avoid him completely on Friday. My favorite bar in town is having a decent band that night and I think I'll go check it out. I'll make sure my son has dinner beforehand and bring my cell phone if he needs me. I can come straight home if he does.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Freak On a Leash said:


> Interesting...I don't even know what to make of that. I'd like to feel that she's still got some feelings for you but then again, it might be her way of claiming "her territory" when it comes to the kids. Hard to figure out. Who knows? :scratchhead:


no idea, all I do know is that she is going to one pissed of little puppy when her solicitor relays the msg from my solicitor. I was hoping to avoid this sort of thing, but...

Wonder if this is just her trying to see how hard I will fight to see my boys.


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## AmImad (Jan 28, 2011)

Crankshaw said:


> the first time I had the boys that is what I expected, but no, out she comes when I pick them up, and out she comes when I go back to drop them off. 2nd time, when she dropped them off at my sisters, she stayed in the car, but when she came back to pick them up she came up to the front door :scratchhead:


Argh this does my noodle in too.. even when my H picked up our kids from my parents house, he thought he was going to be invited in...

When he dropped them off he got out of the car, and stood there.. I couldn't read him..

Then this weekend with Livvy's bday, we had a great day.. but it seemed like it was all an act, he barked about access to the kids.. and legged it..and NOW is the one initiating contact.. BAH who knows..  They're all screwed up individuals!


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

AmImad said:


> Argh this does my noodle in too.. even when my H picked up our kids from my parents house, he thought he was going to be invited in...
> 
> When he dropped them off he got out of the car, and stood there.. I couldn't read him..
> 
> Then this weekend with Livvy's bday, we had a great day.. but it seemed like it was all an act, he barked about access to the kids.. and legged it..and NOW is the one initiating contact.. BAH who knows..  They're all screwed up individuals!


yup, not me who needed phsyc treatment, that much is clear now !


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