# Virgin, scared for my first time



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

So the title says it all. I'm 23 (gosh I had to think about that) and yeah pretty old school in a lot of ways, the first person I kissed is my fiancé ( we are getting married in August) 

Now. I hate my body. Please don't ask why. I just think of myself as very unsexy and I feel vulnerable even when I'm naked alone, I don't even want to look at myself in the mirror. 

This is going to sound ridiculous but initially our wedding was for this December, because I needed that mental preparation, and I wanted to buy more time because of hating my body. 

Anyway we moved the wedding earlier in February after our engagement party, and I've had enough time to mentally prepare though it's getting closer and I'm getting really scared. I can't explain how hard this is for me. 

In my religion it's wrong to delay a marriage if you've found your match. So my fiancé has suggested we have the marriage ceremony now in July and have the reception in August. Thank God he's so understanding, I asked if we could wait to do it till August and he said he's fine with it if that's what I'm more comfortable as he knows about my insecurities. 

I am absolutely ashamed of my body I don't know what to do right now. I know he will also feel hurt if I show I'm embarrassed infront of him because he will take it personally and think I don't trust him which I understand. 

Also, I know we will learn each other sexually, and also he's not a virgin but I'm scared I won't satisfy him( like willing to try different things) because I don't want to expose my body much. 

We have been intimate on a few occasions, we can't keep our hands off each other when we are together and it feels incredible because we love each other , though we haven't had intervourse as yet. 

The one day I confessed all this to him, and he said show me what's so bad about your body so I stripped down to just my panty, and was showing him what made me so insecure but he doesn't see what I see and he didn't feel repulsed as I expected. 

I don't want to be that wife that isn't fun and great in bed because of my insecurities. Of course he tries to make me feel sexy all the time but I can't shake how I feel. 

I've gotten lingerie , shopped for ones that's flattering for my body but once that's off I'm scared. What do I do, must I put the lights out or what? 

I've tried talking to him but he doesn't see a problem and as the days are edging closer my anxiety is building up. 

Tia


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

My W of 22 years is also self-conscience of her body. Does not see what I see when she is naked. But I find it sexy and desirable. I tell her so and I mean it. I'm certain your soon to be means it as well. You know what, my W always says if I find her sexually attractive and desirable that is all that matters. At the end of the day I it does. Everyone harbors some insecurity about their bodies.


----------



## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

I'm having a hard time believing this but I'll contribute two things you can start doing today that will help you on the marriage bed and into the future.

1. Spend as much time totally naked as possible. 

2. Masturbate as often as possible to learn your body's sexual responses.


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i can't give you any good advise, or tell you your body is great since i haven't seen it.

but I would lay heavy odds that your body is just fine and full of WONDER and BEAUTY to your fiance.

also sound like you have a good, gentle man.

good luck to you. i pray everything will work out well for you.


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

thanks for responding. He really tries to make me feel sexy, I don't have a doubt in my mind that he will do the same when we do it, I just hope I can own it ! 



Yeswecan said:


> My W of 22 years is also self-conscience of her body. Does not see what I see when she is naked. But I find it sexy and desirable. I tell her so and I mean it. I'm certain your soon to be means it as well. You know what, my W always says if I find her sexually attractive and desirable that is all that matters. At the end of the day I it does. Everyone harbors some insecurity about their bodies.


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

Thanks for your suggestions, though I don't like masturbating. I think I will actually look at myself when I'm naked , really look. And try t appreciate myself. I mean there are people out there (whom I've worked with) that have burns all
Over , I'm blessed and I just have to force myself to be grateful and hopefully eventually I'll believe it. 


Anon Pink said:


> I'm having a hard time believing this but I'll contribute two things you can start doing today that will help you on the marriage bed and into the future.
> 
> 1. Spend as much time totally naked as possible.
> 
> 2. Masturbate as often as possible to learn your body's sexual responses.


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

Thank you , I hope so too! He is a gentleman and I'm so grateful for that. 


jorgegene said:


> i can't give you any good advise, or tell you your body is great since i haven't seen it.
> 
> but I would lay heavy odds that your body is just fine and full of WONDER and BEAUTY to your fiance.
> 
> ...


----------



## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

Yeswecan said:


> My W of 22 years is also self-conscience of her body. Does not see what I see when she is naked. But I find it sexy and desirable. I tell her so and I mean it. I'm certain your soon to be means it as well. You know what, my W always says if I find her sexually attractive and desirable that is all that matters. At the end of the day I it does. *Everyone harbors some insecurity about their bodies.*


*
*

yes, i think that's almost universally true!


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

[
I'm a size two going onto a size zero, I'm moving onto my more natural body size ( for a good few years I suffered with eating disorders, I guess that explains a lot) though I have a very healthy relationship with food now, perhaps too healthy ? I always tease my fiancé and say I eat more than him . 

Tia is thanks in advance (as far as I know ) definitely not my name , but thank you  

And I will definitely post an update ?
QUOTE=blueinbr;15937673]


Epifany said:


> I've tried talking to him but *he doesn't see a problem *and as the days are edging closer my anxiety is building up.
> 
> Tia


Are you a size 2? A size 2 is HOT. As is a size, 4 and 6 and 8.

He doesn't see a problem because to him there is no problem, and most guys will agree.

You will do fine. If you want, dim the lights, or light some candles (away from the bed so that you do not knock them over. )









I expect you to update this thread after the wedding, telling us all was great and that you were anxious for nothing. 

Congratulations on the wedding.

BTW, go back to first post in this thread and delete your name at the bottom.[/QUOTE]


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Epifany said:


> thanks for responding. He really tries to make me feel sexy, I don't have a doubt in my mind that he will do the same when we do it, I just hope I can own it !


Let's put it this way...once you really let go of your inhibitions with your H, sexually you will own it. Over 21 years, the deep emotional attachment my W has with me(and I her) sex becomes unbridled and enjoyable due to that deep emotional connection. You have a connection with your STB now. Once you are sexually intimate and a bit more self assured...it will become the most gratifying activity you can partake with your STB.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

Epifany said:


> [
> I'm a size two going onto a size zero, I'm moving onto my more natural body size ( for a good few years I suffered with eating disorders, I guess that explains a lot) though I have a very healthy relationship with food now, perhaps too healthy ? I always tease my fiancé and say I eat more than him .
> 
> Tia is thanks in advance (as far as I know ) definitely not my name , but thank you
> ...


[/QUOTE]



My W is a 1x or 2x depending on the cut of clothing. Just more to love! :grin2: However, we are on a diet together. We help each other keep at it and we are losing weight. We use the Skinny Taste plan. Works great. 

Enjoy your wedding!


----------



## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*If he genuinely loves you and you love him, you should have absolutely nothing to fear, m'dear!

My heartfelt wishes to you both for a long, loving, and prosperous marriage!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

My W is a 1x or 2x depending on the cut of clothing. Just more to love!







However, we are on a diet together. We help each other keep at it and we are losing weight. We use the Skinny Taste plan. Works great. 

Enjoy your wedding![/QUOTE]

I'm so glad you guys are doing it together , I wish you both success on the weight loss and even more success in your marriage. 

Thank you ??


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

Thank you  I know you're right. 





arbitrator said:


> *If he genuinely loves you and you love him, you should have absolutely nothing to fear, m'dear!
> 
> My heartfelt wishes to you both for a long, loving, and prosperous marriage!*
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

I'll let you in on a secret about men.

Men are more visual than women. Appearances are a larger factor in a man's attraction to a woman. But if you extrapolate that a prettier woman will always be more desireable, you would be wrong.

Attraction to men is a "I am" or "I am not" thing. Men find most women attractive. Once a woman crosses a certain threshold, it doesn't matter to him how pretty she is. The fact that she's naked, in bed with him and wanting him makes her the hottest woman in the world to him.

A woman's attraction is based on far more than just looks. Few men are attractive enough that their appearance alone attracts women. It is a mistake to apply that beauty standard to men.


----------



## MarriedTex (Sep 24, 2010)

Don't think that you have to be perfect at this "sex thing" out of the gate. Sounds like you have good communication with finance. That's great. 

Good first step is that you have trusted to communicate your fears and concerns. Openness is crucial to any relationship. Don't think of this as a performance where future hubby is judging / grading the way you look. I guarantee that you will look at pictures of yourself 20 years from now and think "Whatever in the heck was I worried about. I looked great." I can guarantee that there will be many appealing things to like about any 23 year old woman, particularly one who is physically fit. You may see your own (perceived) shortcomings. Nobody else - particularly your future husband - sees you though those harsh goggles.

Still, given your outlook, one approach is to just look at sex as something you do together. It's just as much his responsibility to get it right as it yours. And there's no way you're going to get it blissfully right the first time. That's OK. And it will be OK with him, too. The most important element to success in this realm is not any type of technique, body look or body type. It is the sheer willingness to engage with your partner. Early in my relationship with my wife, I acknowledged I wasn't the best but that I was willing to "practice, practice, practice" to get it right. Lower the pressure overall by thinking of this- and clearly telling him - that this is something you "practice" on together. Your willingness to "practice" together with him will be the greatest gift you can give.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Epifany said:


> Thanks for your suggestions, though *I don't like masturbating*.


:surprise:


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Hun, besides for your own confidence it doesn't matter if you are ashamed of your body, I am sure your husband will love it. The first time is scary, love is scary, life is scary. Something I learned a long time ago, most of the best things in life, the things with the most pay off are scary at first. Love is without a doubt one of them. 

I am assuming your soon to be husband grew up in the same religion, so he understand your inexperience and if he is a good man he will be mindful of that. 

Here is the thing, he has told you that he doesn't see what you see. He can't keep his hands off of you. It is wrong for him to tell you these things and you not believe him. How would you feel if you told him you loved him and he said, I don't believe I am worthy of love. Would that be fair?

I say this on these boards a lot. Love is an act of faith. You need to take the risk and have faith. I think it is beyond awesome that you want to really give him yourself without fear. Hopefully if he is a good guy he will honor that. This for a man is one of the greatest gifts a wife can give. Trust him, have faith and just go for it. Also don't assume the worst. Right now you think he is not going to like me and it is going to be awful. How about giving yourself the courage to think, we are going to give ourselves to each other physically and we are going to love it and have great pleasure with each other. You have to at least entertain the possibility. 

Also just a side note, don't expect your first time to be like the movies, don't expect it not to be awkward, and funny, and sweet, and whatever. If it is any of those things it doesn't mean that it won't be great later or even different. Think of it as learning to ride a bicycle, it takes practice. Both of your are building a project together every time you have sex you are working on that project. Learning and giving each other to each other. 

Finally you need to tell him what you like, even if you are shy. Guys are not mind readers we don't have the same parts so we need to be directed at least at first. You don't have to demand but also have the courage to be truthful about it. If you don't know then it is important that you try to figure it out, only you can do that it's your body. There is no shame in getting to know what makes you feel go. It is necessary for a good sexual relationship. Also ask him to try different things, if something happens that you really like tell him right away (you don't have to say it but let him know) or at least afterwards. 

You sound like a great catch. Good luck!


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

I'll offer you some very bad/fun advice! Particularly since you mentioned you husband is not a virgin. 

Blindfold your fiancé you tell him that you are going to allow him to touch you naked "down there!" Ask him to gently hold his hand out down low with one finger pointing up and for him NOT to move it. Tell him you are going to squat over his hand so the his finger rubs you. Simply lick your lips and lean down and just give a very soft and gentle kiss on his finger. Then sit up and ask him how that felt!

Odds are he will blush with excitement and tell you the experience was incredible!!!!!! (keep in mind he is not a virgin)

...Now once you are alone, lick your lips and kiss your finger and imagine why that experience might be perceived as incredible by him????

Cheers,
Badsanta


----------



## Bibi1031 (Sep 14, 2015)

You two have the hots for each other already. Once you are married and your are in the heat of things, your inhibitions/doubts/etc. will dissipate!

Dimming lights works great too as it breaks down those inhibitions a bit more :wink2:

You are good enough if you ask him to teach you what he likes and you allow him the same courtesy. Finding out what turns YOU on is done with self exploration. Finding out what turns him on works best through communication.

He already finds you sexy, probably the sexiest woman for him is YOU. Love makes us see the other that way. He wouldn't be marrying you if he didn't see you that way. Believe his actions, they are speaking the truth.

Your insecurities are yours. He doesn't see them because to him you are perfect just the way you are.

We are our worst enemies when it comes to self criticism!


----------



## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Well, I'll be the first to say it... this marriage was doomed before it even happened.

The bride to be keeps wanting to push back her wedding day because she can't come to grips with consummating her marriage. Do all guys a favor, don't get married until you are excited for sex.


----------



## foolscotton3 (Nov 13, 2014)

Epifany said:


> In my religion it's wrong to delay a marriage if you've found your match.


If it doesn't look like a match, delay away. Anxiety is common when you are getting married, and having sex for the first time. Almost always, that anxiety fades after you tie the knot, and start having sex. You might be running from the cure.

Sent from my Z936L using Tapatalk


----------



## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Epifany said:


> *The one day I confessed all this to him*, and he said show me what's so bad about your body so I stripped down to just my panty, and was showing him what made me so insecure but he doesn't see what I see and he didn't feel repulsed as I expected.


*THAT* right there is the reason I think you will have a great marriage and that you have nothing to worry about. Regardless of how you feel about yourself, as long as you can be open and honest with your partner, these are things you will get to work on and improve _together_.

If you hid these things and tried to tell lies to cover up how you feel, then you would be in for a tough road ahead.

I honestly think you two will be fine.

Cheers, 
Badsanta


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

Hi everyone 

Thanks to everyone for the advice 
So an update 
Pretty sore stuff , I have forgotten the pain now . We were in Mauritius for our honeymoon such a beautiful place , we made the most of it. It was a little strained after we were intimate because for the first few times he couldn't even get in. No one prepared me for that kind of pain ?? so initially we were despondent. But we never gave up, we knew every time we did it with the awkwardness and pain , it was a step further to wonderful sex ... and I'm glad to say it's most definitely almost getting there.... I am aroused now , everyday, and I want him everyday, his touch does it for me now. Wow I'm so glad we persevered through this. We can try different positions now because the pain is not as bad and there's obviously more pleasure... can't wait for it to completely go away ?

It's getting more hot , than awkward and just plain fun , I'm so excited ?


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

Oh yes and I have to say I think my husbad is more compassionate towards me after he took my virginity, the one day he cried and said he feels so heartsore hurting me this way , it was very difficult for him too . We had to motivate each other and we got through it. He was the most amazing gentleman through it all , he would constantly ask if I was ok, he'd be in awkward positions to make me as comfortable as possible , he was so patient. Brownie points to him. Lol he still asks if I'm ok during sex, a lot, I know he means well but sometimes I have to tell him to zip it ?


----------



## bilbag (Aug 3, 2016)

Congratulations! You've got a caring husband. And you are doing your best to please him. Try to be relaxed as much as possible. I think it's acceptable to scream, curse and spank your h during sex also.


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Epifany said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the advice
> So an update
> ...


I am very happy for you both. I wish you a lifetime of happiness. Your innocence is rare and very touching. I wish the world had more of this. I think we would be in a lot better place.


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

Thanks guys thanks to everyone ??


----------



## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

How are the body image issues coming?

Deal with that asap. Kids and age will give you a whole new perspective on body image. If you're struggling with your 24 year old body then you will not be prepared for what's around the corner.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Those first two weeks of sex are the hardest, but once you get over the awkwardnes, which you will, sex will become much more enjoyable and fun. Stop overthinking it and just give into it. Explore your husband's body, let him explore yours. You belong to each other now. 

And what the other posters said is true....your husband is in love with you, and as far as he is concerned you are the sexiest most beautiful woman on the planet. 

But playing the prude, continuing to be shy and self deprecating will slowly erode his attraction to you.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

You still have to work on your corrosive mother-in-law.


She will ruin EVERYTHING.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/financial-problems-marriage/340321-fianc-s-mum-takes-half.html


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> You still have to work on your corrosive mother-in-law.
> 
> 
> She will ruin EVERYTHING.


I honestly don't know how to deal :/


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

Fozzy said:


> How are the body image issues coming?
> 
> Deal with that asap. Kids and age will give you a whole new perspective on body image. If you're struggling with your 24 year old body then you will not be prepared for what's around the corner.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Much better and I'm trying to exercise it makes me feel and look better 
I am also looking for classes to join for exercise so i look forward to that. My esteem is growing day by day , my husband makes me feel sexy I'm ok. One day at a time.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

You know what, I'd spend the money on myself, before she got a chance to get any of it.

Then you, or your husband can honestly say, "sorry mom, we don't have any extra cash this month to lend you".


But it was probably wrong of me to bring this up in this thread.


I feel for you, Epifany.:|


----------



## jb02157 (Apr 16, 2014)

As long as he is satisfied with you and loves you what else matters?? Chances are the things that you think are sexy about your body are not the same things that he thinks are sexy.


----------



## Epifany (Jun 11, 2016)

notmyrealname4 said:


> You know what, I'd spend the money on myself, before she got a chance to get any of it.
> 
> Then you, or your husband can honestly say, "sorry mom, we don't have any extra cash this month to lend you".
> 
> ...


Thanks. It hurts , it does. It's hard. The transition is hard because my parents took care of me even when I started earning money for the first time last year. They are such givers. And i earned so much last year and it was all about me , lol no regret so this is a hard pill to swallow , that people are not like my family , but I will learn to deal . I think I'm here on this site to vent and see for a way to deal


----------



## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Epifany said:


> Hi everyone
> 
> Thanks to everyone for the advice
> So an update
> ...


I was a virgin when we married.. it literally took us *months* to get it in.. the pain was unbearable.. too much he didn't want to hurt me... then I found I was pregnant (wasn't expecting that news!)..... then he was afraid of hurting the baby ! Crazy story we have ... 

What a great update!! 

I had the best body when we married.. perfect.. before kids but felt like Eve in the garden.. wanting to cover it.. I regret this terribly NOW looking back.. don't make the stupid mistakes I did in our early marriage.. I was a little repressed.. didn't do Bj's... I didn't care for his going down on me.. even though he kept trying... I overcame all of this.. but it should have never taken this long.. read books on Sex.. lavish each other.. explore everything together... . pleasure is a gift ...intimacy is divine.. 

Some resources :

 Sex Info 101 website - Granddaddy list of Sexual Positions 
 Complete Idiots Guide to Amazing Sex ....very informative for new lovers -covers it all! 
 Sheet Music - Uncovering the secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage  ....Excellent book for Christians.
When Your Sex Drives Don't Match: Discover Your Libido Types to Create a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life  ..... ... Identifying Your Libido Type
 Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man .....every wife should read this!
She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman  ....every husband should read this!
The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex: An Indispensible Guide to Pleasure & Seduction 
 Discover Your Lover Board Game ....might help break some inhibitions reading cards & playing a game!


----------

