# 6yrs of infedility & lies...little too late?



## confusedifiwantsparkback (Mar 19, 2011)

I’m in need of advice please! Here it is in a nutshell…

-2 yrs into relationship, bought our first home together and then found out he cheated on me with 3 women over the course of a few months. I was DEVASTATED…He was the last person I thought could EVER hurt me that way. He hung the moon in my eyes and was a great boyfriend. I lost 20lbs in 2 weeks had to be put on anxiety and anti depressants and I sought counseling by myself. He said he would go, not sure if he did. 

-2.5 yrs later I was healing and adjusting to trusting him again. It felt like we were coming right along. Although I grieved the man I thought he once was, I was moving on. We decided to open our home to sibling set of foster children. We all bonded well and became a family. I found out 6 months into fostering he cheated yet again! This time anger hit me first then more devastation as I knew that doing it a second time after knowing what it did to me the first time was even more of a kick in the gut. Eight months later we were able to adopt them…Well, he decided he did not want to adopt but wanted to still be an active parent, so I adopted my girls. 

I was very hurt by this coupled with the fact he still was not willing to get married. However, at that point I wasn’t sure I wanted to be married to someone that continued to treat me like that. He shed some tears asked if he could stay if he went to counseling this time. He wanted to be a family with the girls and I. I didn’t want the girls to be from yet another broken home. So I let him stay.

-Next 2yrs until present the chip on my shoulder grew bigger, I became more bitter and angry. I became emotionally distant. We were and are great co-parents and get along like great friends but inside I have walls upon walls up. 

I found more emails 2 months ago that he started corresponding with someone from a dating site…REALLY? I had HAD IT!! 
I kicked him out…declared myself single and started to move on. There is no trust or respect for him anymore. I’m not even attracted to him. He has done too much damage. 

I started dating right away, finally having the time of my life! He now is begging not like before…but he has lost weight, doesn’t sleep, cries at a drop of hat, goes to counseling twice a week like clock-work and wants to adopt the girls asap and wants to be married. He has never acted like this and I do believe him this time. It is bazaar and hard to swallow how he has become more of a wonderful father than he was and how he has treated me like the queen that he hasn’t over the past 6 years. 

Problem : I am emotionally dead inside…too much damage. Dating has me interested in several others. Do I work on us and see if I can get any spark back. I want to do what’s right for my girls and my family. HELP!!!!


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

Think twice, decide carefully, when you do it, don't regret, and be ready for all consequences.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

What is right for your girls and family in your opinion?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedifiwantsparkback (Mar 19, 2011)

I wanted for them to have both parents in same household...to have the stability. But I also know that I'm not doing them any favors if I'm not happy. Does anyone get the spark back?? Is it possible?


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

It's possible but very difficult. 
One thing is sure if your sexual life with your husband has no improvement, and if he's constantly unsupported and unwanted, it's not fair to you and also to him.
You already know to find back connection with your husband is the key to a happy marriage.
However, i'm afraid you're in an emotional fog and you're into someone else, which made the whole connection task more difficult.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## confusedifiwantsparkback (Mar 19, 2011)

That's where I am so conflicted. Feeling so emotionless with him yet full of life with another. And it's not with the first person Ive met. Actually have met several men and have been on couple of dates with most. However, this one in particular was fireworks from the start and we have had a whirl wind of a time. With fireworks still flying. I have explained to him my circumstances. I felt like I needed to be 'wanted' again so I went and found it I guess. Of course now I really really like him and when we dont talk I miss him like a silly school girl. 
I am afraid I have caused way more confusion with myself like you had suggested. 
Its a strange place to be, spinning around in this emotional turmoil


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

I understand your situation, and I think you're in love with this guy already. I can assure you it's impossible when you must choose between family and the freedom to love...
You have to follow your gut feelings.
I don't think this charming man can wait too long though...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## friendly (Sep 21, 2010)

If I were you, I will not lie to myself if my love for my husband is dead, it's dead.
No way to come alive. It's not fair for both of you to imprison each other's souls and desires because of family commitments.
How do you think?
Is love dead?
By the way, your husband is disqualified to whine, he cheated on you so many times...
Now he must face the consequence if your heart grows apart from him.
Maybe you should talk to him.


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