# What did you fight for in your divorce decree?



## upsidedownworld (Dec 13, 2013)

Hey all,

I am going through a divorce right now and it's getting to the time of finalizing the decree. I wanted to get some idea's of things that maybe I should think about putting into the decree to protect me. 

Here's what I have so far:

Kids will stay in their school district unless mutually agreed upon
Kids will stay in their association for sports unless mutually agreed upon.
If my STBXW brings a motion against me and looses she will pay all legal fees involved.

That's what I have so far but, I wanted to hear what others put in their decree and get some more ideas.

Thanks in advance.


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## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

My ex doesn't get a nickle of my pensions or life insurance.


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## SamuraiJack (May 30, 2014)

Mutual Custody.
She has no right to any pensions or accounts of mine and vice versa.
Insurance falls to the parent with the best plan and the other makes up for it in payment.
Mutual bank account to pay for expenses for kids.
and lastly...
My dog.

Nobody. takes. my. dog.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

50/50 Child custody

Be clear who gets to "deduct" the children on tax returns in any given year; some people alternate claiming every other year; depends on your custody agreement

Clear language on custody if one parent moves out of state (job transfer, etc.). Sounds like you have covered that with the school district clause.

Will you be receiving any spousal support? If so, be sure to include a clause (your attorney will know how to word it) that "the Court retains NO jurisdiction over spousal support." This will prevent your spouse from going back to court to "revisit and reduce" support if their financial circumstances change (happens all the time). This clause will protect you -- if the Court retains "no jurisdiction" they CANNOT and will not reduce the support.

Clear language as to who pays for children's insurance; how will you split deductibles, who will pay for sports, school and extra curricular activities?


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Who is paying what amount of marital debt. I had it put in there regarding IRS issues and student loan issues.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

upsidedownworld said:


> *If my STBXW brings a motion against me and looses she will pay all legal fees involved.*


This sort of statement usually goes for both spouses.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Sharing of certain recurring tax credits. Clear definition of child's emancipation (i.e., when child support would end - and a good thing, as she tried to misrepresent things to extend it). Agreement on paying for college (cosigning student loans). Asset allocation and distribution - we'd keep our own IRA's and 401k's. She'd get the house and future profits, we'd each have sole ownership and responsibility for any other real estate purchased individually. Ongoing health insurance coverage agreement - whoever had the better/cheaper insurance through work would cover both but be reimbursed for half of premiums, until such time as divorce was final (a good thing, as it took 7 years to finalize the divorce!). No alimony


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## Malpheous (May 3, 2013)

My learning lesson on 50/50 parenting time...

We locked our child into a school district. There was no "unless". That takes the option to argue out of it. Want a move of district? Go to court.

I failed to put in a geographical restriction of residence on us as parents though. Ex moved to a remote area about 45 minutes from the school. This had a severe impact over time on my child. Every other week she'd have to be up buttcrack early. Go to a nearby teen center after school until her mother was out of work. Then the errands and appointments. Then home by about 7pm on a good night. Then eat, homework, chores, shower, bed.

One year we went to the child staying with me in town full time and mother every other weekend. I gave up some summer and holiday time to bring some level of balance to it. Grades improved greatly. Mom wouldn't have a repeat though because her baby wasn't home. So began "The Battle"...

Schoolwork aside, it's been highly difficult for my teen to find work on an every other week schedule. She has no means to travel to work from both locations so she needs work at one or the other. But who hires an every other week employee?

Friendships get burned. Social life... It's better in the long run to remain in the same town if at all possible.


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## IndyTMI (Oct 26, 2012)

I didn't fight for anything other than to not pay her medical bills. I gave her everything else she wanted which was nearly everything in the house. I kept all of my tools and dirt bike.

The biggest thing I actually fought for was the divorce itself, as she had delayed it 3 different times. The judge certainly sympathized with me.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

I made my ex a very good offer and told him that if he didn't take it we'd go to court and I'd get everything I could, because I knew he'd drag his feet. It involved me giving up some things I could've gotten but that's ok; as my dad told me, it was the price of my freedom. He took it to his lawyer who told him to sign it before I changed my mind.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

upsidedownworld said:


> If my STBXW brings a motion against me and looses she will pay all legal fees involved.


If she brings a motion and wins, do you pay her legal fees?


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## ElCanario (Nov 11, 2013)

I want:

50/50 split in parenting time AND primary legal custody
We keep the house for the kids to live in and split time spent away from them in our own small apts.
Kids will stay in same schools
I pay for their sports and other activities
Child support and alimony to be paid by her
Her to assume all outstanding tax delinquency (she has not paid anything - mine are taken from wages) 
I have to pay my debts
She gets none of my SS or pension or 401K
She keeps her quite lucrative business
I provide health insurance for the kids, not for her
We contribute equally to the kids' college education


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## Sunburn (Jul 9, 2012)

all good input

In mine I had something about accounting for child support. I slept pretty well knowing that it wasn't being spent on her days at the spa.


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Third party custody.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I fought to get my ex-husband to spend more time with our son. He initially wanted one weekend per month, period. I had to negotiate, and agree to take a lower share of the home equity split, to get him to accept every other weekend and one additional day each week. He's spent more one-on-one time with our son in the past 9 months since the divorce than he did the entire 13 years of the child's life before that.


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## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

MY FREEDOM....I'm outa' Shawshank!


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## MaritimeGuy (Jul 28, 2012)

I gave up more financially in exchange for getting more access to my kids. Whether I actually needed to or not I don't know. At the time I was reading all kinds of horror stories about men getting screwed in divorce court so I gave up a lot in order for her to settle. I figured I can earn back the money I gave up. I could never get back my childrens childhoods.

One thing I didn't do that I wish I did was make a plan for how to wind up child support. There is nothing in my agreement so theoretically we're supposed to follow some vague guidelines. In reality I'm going to need to file a motion to be able to reduce and eventually stop paying.


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## FirstGuy (Feb 23, 2012)

I completely screwed myself with a settlement that would have NEVER been granted by any judge. Best advice I can give is to listen to your attorney.

Joint custody, but our kids were 15 and 17 when I filed, so it barely even mattered. Just had to pay child support for a few years.

I am a small business owner, so I wanted to keep my company. In exchange for that, I left her the house (including all equity) and everything in it other than some computer and desk equipment related to the company.

But she received about $4,000 per month from me between alimony and child support. When the economy failed I lost a lot of business and have been fighting in court with her ever since to reduce or eliminate the alimony. Not been a simple task, but hopefully we are getting there.

Best of luck to you with your difficult task.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

I told the ex she could keep anything she could pay for....we were in debt to our eyeballs so that worked in my favor. She wanted to keep the three dogs and that lasted until my jack Russell chewed up her stuff (he'd never done it before) peed on her pillow twice and got aggressive with her. Lol needless to say she gave me my dog. My only request is she went back to her maiden name. That request got the shocked reaction I wanted.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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