# Initiating sex



## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

How do you want your significant other to initiate? What’s effective, what’s not, and if you can have it anyway you want it (fantasy land) how would they initiate? Please state your gender when replying.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

I took things real slow with my wife when we started dating. I was very afraid of messing things up.

Eventually she got frustrated and just sat in my lap and said “Enough, we’re going to **** now.”

That worked pretty good.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

(male)

I'm not really sure I have a strong preference. 

My wife can simply caress me a certain way, fingernails up and down my arm or chest. That'll get a response.

She can even initiate without any physical contact... just by making eyes at me. That'll get a response. 

She can be incredibly blunt and simply reach below the belt and grab a handful. That'll get a response.

I guess my favorite is replacing the usual quick peck on the lips with a deep, long soulful kiss. That gets an immediate and powerful response.

I guess my least is when she just blurts out "Wanna' fool around?" out of nowhere. Although that still gets a response.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

When I’m dating someone, it’s just assumed that we will have sex every time we get together. I make it clear that’s what I want and they don’t usually put up too much of a fight, lol.

I don’t plan on living with anyone ever again so I don’t have any thoughts about that type of relationship. But when I was living with my ex it would just happen naturally as we both were really in tune with each other (except of course while we were breaking up, but that’s different.)

I don’t really initiate it and neither does he, we just start kissing and can’t help ourselves.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

Faithful Wife said:


> When I’m dating someone, it’s just assumed that we will have sex every time we get together. I make it clear that’s what I want and they don’t usually put up too much of a fight, lol.
> 
> I don’t plan on living with anyone ever again so I don’t have any thoughts about that type of relationship. But when I was living with my ex it would just happen naturally as we both were really in tune with each other (except of course while we were breaking up, but that’s different.)
> 
> I don’t really initiate it and neither does he, we just start kissing and can’t help ourselves.


Yes, simultaneous initiation can be very cool. Or should I say very hot!


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## notmyjamie (Feb 5, 2019)

Female here...I’ll take anything other than a simpering “are you tired?” Or “can we have sex?” 

I’ll take a playful “wanna ****?” though :grin2:


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Don't ask. Just do it.


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## Numb26 (Sep 11, 2019)

I have always preferred the direct, blunt approach. A "take off your pants" or "wanna ****" will always be so hot!


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

XY chromosomes here, residing exclusively in fantasy land at the moment. Ideas:

Her bending over naked, and pretending to look for something while I'm gaming or watching something...

Her suddenly assaulting me with a passionate kiss and grabbing me down south...

Waking up to her mounting me, or giving him lollipop treatment...

Rubbing her butt on me while we're cuddle-spooning...

Just walking through the house in my favorite panties and giving me a mischievous smile...

Giving me a heated stare and saying "I need you inside me"...

*sigh* A guy can dream.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

BioFury said:


> Rubbing her butt on me while we're cuddle-spooning...


Yes, that works as well in reality as in fantasy land.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Male

Fantasy: I come home from work. Wife is waiting unknown to me. I walk in and she is waiting. She slaps the **** out of me where it really hurts. 

Me: "Wtf was that for? Where's your car? I didn't even know you were home! The **** did I do?"

Her: "stfu!"

And that's when I notice her outfit. All leather, with straps and chains but like, barely any clothes on. What little is there is black leather. 

Her: "get on your ****ing knees, now!"

Me: ...... (wtf is going on?)

Her: *slap* "did I stutter? I said NOW!"

Me: *drops to my knees, eyes wide. Looking over her fantastic body in that outfit... my goodness!*

Her: "is this what you want you POS? *slap* You want me to teach you a lesson in manners?"

Me: "I've been terrible"

Her: *slap* "stfu! Did I say you could talk? *pulls out handcuffs and dangles them from her pointer finger in my face* I'll get you to confess all your sins today. *pulls out a whip from behind her back* "now get your ass in that room and if I hear a word from you it will only get worse"



Something along those lines I guess. We've done most other scenarios from soft and slow love making to me slamming her against a wall and telling her "you're mine!" And everything between.... except for her dominating in this fashion. Just once. She probably will never have it in her because it's so against her nature, but she knows I want this at least once before I die. Just one time where I have to call in to work the next day and recover you know? 


As far as every day, she barely has to do anything if she wants to initiate.


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## Rooster2015 (Jun 12, 2015)

My wife will usually will text a sign that we both know what it means. That text during the day might be followed by what she wants that night short and sweet. Then after dinner and shower it’s game on. It helps all the kids are grown and gone.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

Girl_power said:


> How do you want your significant other to initiate? What’s effective, what’s not, and if you can have it anyway you want it (fantasy land) how would they initiate? Please state your gender when replying.


Female.

Basic stuff would be awesome: kissing and making out.

Fantasy: there areso many i cant even start writing hahaha


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Anytime during the day, "I'm looking forward to tonight!" (If on the schedule; otherwise I might get confused)
In bed- just reach over and start stroking my stomach or legs, then reach under my waistband. 
In bed- Lying on the bed, face up, wearing her Kimono and either nothing else or fancy negligee
Come up to me in the kitchen, or any other room, say "I love you" and lead me into the bedroom
Give me a nice kiss while leading my hand down her pants, or hers down mine. From anyplace in the house.
Tell me you're not interested in having sex. You want to make love. Or f***.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

Nowadays (post menopause and with ED) we verbally schedule 99% of the time. Took me a while to get used to and caused some (a lot of) angst. It’s not super sexy, but as long as it’s good once we get to the bedroom I don’t care how we get there. Took a while to relearn. I honestly don’t remember how it worked when younger other than I never heard the term “initiate sex” until I came to TAM (happily), it just happened.


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

My husband came home one day from work and said, "Get upstairs and edge yourself until I get up there. No cumming allowed." Then he sat downstairs and watched a TV show before he came up. I was a mess. We love tease/denial, and orgasm control in our marriage. It's really helped with my low sex drive. Our sex is so much yummier than before!


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Just do it dammit!
INITIATE anyway you want and I will accept!


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Let's just say that I'm a master of the "morning wake-up call," quietly crawling up under the comforter and waking my lady up orally ~ and not too subtly!

Can literally stay there for hours watching her reaction!*


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

RideofmyLife said:


> My husband came home one day from work and said, "Get upstairs and edge yourself until I get up there. No cumming allowed." Then he sat downstairs and watched a TV show before he came up. I was a mess. We love tease/denial, and orgasm control in our marriage. It's really helped with my low sex drive. Our sex is so much yummier than before!


Not to pry, but meaning, you don't orgasm regularly? Thus creating a constant need within you for sexual contact?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

It would be good if she initiated at all... :laugh:


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

RideofmyLife said:


> My husband came home one day from work and said, "Get upstairs and edge yourself until I get up there. No cumming allowed." Then he sat downstairs and watched a TV show before he came up. I was a mess. We love tease/denial, and orgasm control in our marriage. It's really helped with my low sex drive. Our sex is so much yummier than before!


This is the best! I like bossy.


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## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

Male:
I like when we are kissing that she reach down and gently touch my privates.
That say's it all.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Man.

I would love her to just start helping herself to me like I was a steak dinner and she was hungry.

She isn't naturally that bold. Her playfulness has gotten bolder over the years however.:smile2:


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

The sneaky, lengthy caress under the table is super hot.

So is the discreet whisper that you want him to ravage you later in the evening. 

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Oh yeah. Long drawn out teasing does wonders. Driving to dinner, and little rub a dub along the way just to get warmed up. At dinner, little rubs under the table and things like that. Sit on the same side of the booth and a little under the skirt and up my shorts play. Just enough to keep that fire raging. But we must continue the date. Off to the movies. Heavy petting and kissing. Its more exciting when others are around and you're sort of sneaking it all. Full on stroking and and clit rubbing is taking place now. We're both about to explode. Probably would bang in front of everyone right there if there was no risk of going to jail for it. Then its back home. I cant drive fast enough and damn near crash a few times as we cant keep our hands off each other. 

After 3-4 hours of this long slow build up, it take like 30 seconds for us to orgasm. Lol. So its a lot of stop and go and switching positions because we want to try and make it last as long as we can hold out before the O. No talking, its all business in this moment. Raw desire. You can't really top it ime. These long slow builds really work for both of us to peak our desire and then it's just wild, sticky, sweaty, no nonsense type monkey sex. So hot.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

For me, this is what's completely missing from modern dating - the anticipation, the teasing, the longing. The type of erotic waiting that builds sexual tension. 

My dating experiences were totally void of any of this. 



TheDudeLebowski said:


> Oh yeah. Long drawn out teasing does wonders.


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

Some historic reality,
Put on a plaid flannel nightgown, full length with high collar.
Climb into bed bed, pick up kindle, face away from "partner". Dont reply to any words or touch unless done three times.
Go on date. Tease and cuddle for 4 hours. When you get home say I'm tired and proceed to previous line. Stay awake reading until 4 A.M. 
When husband arrives home from work "surprise" him with one of these lines: I have a headache. I think I'm getting as UTI. I'm so tired. I had a bad day at work.

Believe me when I say I don't know what female initiation looks like.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Oh yeah. Long drawn out teasing does wonders. Driving to dinner, and little rub a dub along the way just to get warmed up. At dinner, little rubs under the table and things like that. Sit on the same side of the booth and a little under the skirt and up my shorts play. Just enough to keep that fire raging. But we must continue the date. Off to the movies. Heavy petting and kissing. Its more exciting when others are around and you're sort of sneaking it all. Full on stroking and and clit rubbing is taking place now. We're both about to explode. Probably would bang in front of everyone right there if there was no risk of going to jail for it. Then its back home. I cant drive fast enough and damn near crash a few times as we cant keep our hands off each other.
> 
> After 3-4 hours of this long slow build up, it take like 30 seconds for us to orgasm. Lol. So its a lot of stop and go and switching positions because we want to try and make it last as long as we can hold out before the O. No talking, its all business in this moment. Raw desire. You can't really top it ime. These long slow builds really work for both of us to peak our desire and then it's just wild, sticky, sweaty, no nonsense type monkey sex. So hot.


My wife and I used to attend a particular formal, and very serious/solemn dinner function every year to support my Father who was in the organization that put on the dinner. We're generally seated at a ten top across from or next to my parents, my very old school aunt and uncle, and a couple random couples (of my parents vintage).

The second year we attended, not only were we seated immediately adjacent to all these prim and proper elderly folks, our table was against the floor to ceiling exterior windows with plenty of foot traffic passing by on the sidewalk immediately outside, where people could easily see inside the well lit ballroom. As I'm sitting there making small talk with a nice elderly couple we had just met, I notice something going on under the table :surprise:

Who are you and what have you done with my wife?

Yes, my very private and exceedingly risk averse wife was giving me the sensuous foot along the leg and the hand on the inner thigh treatment under the tablecloth while I was trying to engage in polite conversation with a couple septuagenarians! As the couple turned to share the conversation with another couple at the table, I was able to discreetly lean over and quietly warn my wife that she was treading in increasingly dangerous territory, and that she was outside her usual behavior pattern ending with something like "I'm pretty sure you really don't want to do this." :nono: Her response? As the other couple and my Dad turned back to us in the conversation, her hand proceeded from the inner thigh straight to the central nexus :surprise::surprise::surprise:

About that time Dad was like "Hey, I'm gonna' go to the bar and get another beer... wanna' join me, and get a refill or maybe get [your wife] something?"

I'm like "uh, no thanks Dad, I think I'll just sit here and nurse this one a little longer."

My wife is like "Yeah, why don't you hop up and get me a drink!" (btw, she doesn't drink) 

Uh, yeah. You're gonna get pounded when we get home. 

And yes, she did it again the next year.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I LOVED this story! 



Rocky Mountain Yeti said:


> Who are you and what have you done with my wife?.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Spicy said:


> Just do it dammit!
> INITIATE anyway you want and I will accept!


Yes, and yes!

This is exactly the best way.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Rocky, that's a great story! I have some seriously raunchy stories involving us "sneaking" some stuff in where family members are literally right there. There's a point of no return for both of us where nobody else matters anymore. Desire has washed out things such as respect for others haha. We are the only two people on the planet in these moments. 

I wonder how many times we've been caught unknown to us but nobody says anything because that's an embarrassing conversation for everyone? It has to have happened at least 3 times I can think of where I'm 99.99% sure we got busted but didn't care to stop and nobody said anything. I mean, what do you say? If you bust a friend you probably say something. If you bust your son/nephew/cousin/grandson ... I don't think you say anything. Just pretend you didn't see it you know?


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

I have xy genetics.

If she initiates its is just a 'lets go get busy' message. Which works just fine. 

Regarding fantasy possibilities: I really love viewing the female body, so most of my ideas revolve around seeing more of her.

I would love for her to just come stand right in front of me and slowly strip. Then look me right in the eyes and say: 'I'm yours. What are you going to do with me?'

It would die on the spot if I every come home and she is laying naked on the kitchen table with some food (light snakes) on and around her. With some kind of message about enjoying my dinner.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Mr. Nail said:


> Some historic reality,
> 
> Put on a plaid flannel nightgown, full length with high collar.
> 
> ...


#yougetwhatyouaccept

Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> How do you want your significant other to initiate? What’s effective, what’s not, and if you can have it anyway you want it (fantasy land) how would they initiate? Please state your gender when replying.


Dude (the very heterosexual kind of dude that obliviously gets hit on by other dudes too often for some odd reason)

My wife has this thing where she tells me I can't have it and she works me up into a frenzy. Then I loose control of myself and feel bad about it because I pressure her into doing it. Afterwards I apologize for taking advantage of her and she laughs and says that SHE was the one that just took advantage of me!

In reality as awkward as that sounds, it works out pretty well for both of us!



Badsanta


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

you accept what is offered. but way back in the early 80's a magazine (print porn or close to it) published a sex survey. One of the questions was, "do you like sex with lots of scratching and biting?" The guys I was studying with that summer thought this question was hilarious and that the obvious answer should have been, "not really, but it seems to be all I can get."
Being a math nerd was harder back then.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Girl_power said:


> How do you want your significant other to initiate? What’s effective, what’s not, and if you can have it anyway you want it (fantasy land) how would they initiate? Please state your gender when replying.


I can't think of any specific way that I want my wife to initiate fantasy or otherwise.

That said "I want you to **** me" has worked, as has the following.

She says "let's have sex".

She lifts her dress or skirt revealing she hasn't got any knickers on.

She takes her knickers off and waits for me to randomly fondle her by sticking my hand up her skirt. Then she says, "I was wondering when you'd notice I wasn't wearing any".

She pulls out one of her breasts to show me.

She tries (with emphasis on try), to poke her tongue out at me sensually and suggestively.

And a few other things.

Although I do like it when she initiates, since I prefer leading I am usually the one that initiates more often.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

Personal said:


> She tries (with emphasis on try), to poke her tongue out at me sensually and suggestively.


LMAO! Something like this? I have seen it a time or two as well.









Sent from my Pixel 3 XL using Tapatalk


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

@farsidejunky not quite as lame as that she's a bit more subtle, yet I can't help but laugh at her when she does it. Although I do appreciate her effort, even if it is unintentionally hilarious.

She's a good sport though, since she does it while knowing I'm going to make fun of her for it.

That whisper thing you mentioned earlier, is a great one as well that done well can be very appealing.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

Mr. Nail said:


> you accept what is offered. but way back in the early 80's a magazine (print porn or close to it) published a sex survey. One of the questions was, "do you like sex with lots of scratching and biting?" The guys I was studying with that summer thought this question was hilarious and that the obvious answer should have been, "not really, but it seems to be all I can get."
> Being a math nerd was harder back then.


My wife and I will be watching a movie, in which there's invariably hot & steamy sex, semi-violent, you know, the guy lifts the woman up, pushes her against a wall and they go at it. And I turn to her and say "We're not doing it right."


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## RideofmyLife (Dec 18, 2015)

BioFury said:


> RideofmyLife said:
> 
> 
> > My husband came home one day from work and said, "Get upstairs and edge yourself until I get up there. No cumming allowed." Then he sat downstairs and watched a TV show before he came up. I was a mess. We love tease/denial, and orgasm control in our marriage. It's really helped with my low sex drive. Our sex is so much yummier than before!
> ...


Correct. I edge at least twice a day. It makes me much more receptive to sex. And we've gone from him doing most of the initiating to me doing most of it.


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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

RideofmyLife said:


> Correct. I edge at least twice a day. It makes me much more receptive to sex. And we've gone from him doing most of the initiating to me doing most of it.


So you haven't actually decreased your orgasm frequency (because you later have sex with hubby)? You've merely increased your desire for orgasm and sexual contact with your husband, by incorporating lots of additional sexual touching and masturbation (not to completion) to your daily routine?


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## As'laDain (Nov 27, 2011)

My wife just bends over and looks at me with a smile...


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## Horny guy (Apr 14, 2021)

lucy999 said:


> Don't ask. Just do it.


the direct approach , hey lUCY? LOL VERY SEXY


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## Horny guy (Apr 14, 2021)

Spicy said:


> Just do it dammit!
> INITIATE anyway you want and I will accept!


IS THAT A PROMISE SPICY? WINK


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