# How to deal with a irrational spouse?



## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Boundaries are constantly crossed. They seem petty to her but drive me insane. I am up at 4:30 every day to leave for work. Most nights I am in bed by 9:30. For the past year she has the habit of waking me up to talk or argue. She is a SAHM, my kids don't get up till 8am and usually sleep 10 to 12 hours a night. I have told her time and time again to stop this. Our MC also told her this. Nothing she has to discuss cannot wait till the next day. This happens at least 2 or 3 days a week. It feels like harassment. What to do other than put a padlock on the door?
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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Richie, how about you set aside time for your wife to discuss these problems? 

Maybe she feels as if she is not being heard, so if there is a set time, that she knows that she can discuss these problems and you would be receptive of her, it would help her stop waking you up.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

I try. I will be honest I am the type of person who you tell me the problem I look for a solution. I don't want to spend hours talking about it. She needs to talk, I need to sleep. I wish she had girlfriends to talk to but she doesn't. Honestly I go to work exhausted everyday. We two babies at home and as soon as I walk in the house I am helping out until we put them to bed. Its a long day for both of us.
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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Perhaps she can be encouraged to write down her thoughts each time she has the urge to wake you up. That way she can express herself while you sleep.


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## anony2 (Apr 28, 2012)

Have her differentiate when she needs you to listen and when she needs your advice to fix things. Also, giving it a time limit will keep her from droning on and on. If she is anything like me, I could talk for hours about nothing that my husband would care anything about.  

I also need my sleep and there are times that my husband wants to keep me up all night, but then I realized while listening to him one night that he just needs to feel heard. Once I realized that I felt awful because I know that feeling because often times I did not feel heard regarding some of our problems.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Great advice. I have asked her several times to write me a note. She doesn't do it. Yes she goes on and on. Its frustrating.
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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Nothing my wife is saying is crazy or I don't want to hear or tackle. Its just there is a time and a place for everything. Me being out cold is just not one of those times.
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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

I like the suggestions here - before reading them I was thinking of a journal - buy one and place it by the bed so when she comes to wake you, she sees it and writes it down. If you MAKE SURE to discuss at the first earliest convenience, then it may work but she'll have to be heard.

But she's probably starved for adult interaction.

Can you afford part-time daycare or a church that offers "Mommy's Morning Out"? She could meet other women - lots just went out for brunch during that time to be with other adults. Or if you are in a neighborhood with other mothers, she could start a play group by hosting the first one to get to know other women in the neighborhood. Plus you'll know some people to leave them with for date nights.

I remember I lived in the country when my daughter was born and the closest two neighbors were a retired couple and a couple with teenagers. I called my few friends a LOT and would try to meet them for lunch just to talk to an adult who wasn't my husband.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

She is going back to work on Wednesday after being a SAHM for 2+ years. I hope this elevates some of this. Hopefully she get her independence back and meets new friends. All the advice has been good thanks.
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## FogCityGril (Nov 24, 2012)

Set up a time to talk about these things. Get a sitter and go out. Make her feel she is being heard. Tell her during that time out that from now on you will talk about what she needs to discuss before bed. When the kids are asleep is a good time. She is being inconsiderate waking you up. You must make time to let her discuss things so this won't happen.


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