# Funny or sad - you decide



## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Have to share this. Mrs SB was talking to a friend today.
Mrs SB: "You had that subscription to Cosmo, didn't you, what did you think of all the sex articles? Anthing you thought 'Wow, I'm going for that!'?"
Friend: "No."
Mrs SB: "So, was it stuff you thought 'I'd love that, or he would, but I daren't try it...'?"
Friend: "No."
Mrs SB: "So, was it all a bit too much, over the top for you?"
Friend: "No."
Mrs SB: "Eh?"
Friend: "I didn't have the nerve to read them..."

No wonder her old man has a face like a smacked ars£ most of the time.


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

OT but I hate cosmo, or any of those magazines and never buy any of them. When I was very young I did buy a couple and have seen one or two here and there at the Drs office etc when very bored and the sex articles are mostly rubbish.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Sad, definitely sad. Although, if you have read one Cosmo sex article, you have read them all! I have friends like this. They wonder why I'm always so happy with my sex life, but if I mention an adult toy store, the response is always "Oh, I could never do THAT!" I swear, someday I will MAKE them go to one!


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> lol Syrum i hear ya on that one...isn't it funny that all of the sex articles always have a title like, "ways to give him pleasure." and "what he REALLY wants in bed"....um i don't need to pay for a magazine to tell me a man wants blowjobs and a woman who orgasms with him in order to be pleased as punch.


I totally agree!!!


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> lol everytime i walk into one of those stores i'm afraid it will be robbed while i'm in there and i'll end up having to talk to the live coverage evening news people about it.


Oh great, now that's what i'll think about now! :smthumbup: That made me laugh! Last time I was in one, a barefoot teenage boy came in to "use the bathroom" (yeah right!) but he got kicked out when he wouldn't show I.D.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> OH omg that reminds me of a funny awkward creepy thing that happened to me in one of those places...temporary hijack coming...sorry!
> 
> So i went in to buy a new vib...and the guy at the counter takes the thing out of the box and proceeds to put batteries in it and turn it on...he leers at me with this cheeky grin and was like, "we have to test them to make sure they work before you leave with it."
> 
> ...


Sorry, quick hi-jack, I promise! 

How about after you have made your purchase and they say "Have a good night!" Anywhere else it is polite, there it is almost creepy! And what do say back, "You too" or "I will"


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

WhiteRabbit said:


> lol Syrum i hear ya on that one...isn't it funny that all of the sex articles always have a title like, "ways to give him pleasure." and "what he REALLY wants in bed"....um i don't need to pay for a magazine to tell me a man wants blowjobs and a woman who orgasms with him in order to be pleased as punch.


Years ago Cosmo had an article about oral sex. They suggested that a woman should make her mouth as inviting as possible. I thought "cool" and proceeded to use lip plumper and red lipstick. Little did I know that the two main ingrediants in lip plumper is cinnamon oil and cayenne pepper oil.
To this day, I am not "allowed" to wear red lipstick because he associates it with the horror and tear inducing pain that was inflicted on him.
When Cosmo later suggested Altoids he was all "stay the hell away from me". Ahhhh, Cosmo.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Years ago Cosmo had an article about oral sex. They suggested that a woman should make her mouth as inviting as possible. I thought "cool" and proceeded to use lip plumper and red lipstick. Little did I know that the two main ingrediants in lip plumper is cinnamon oil and cayenne pepper oil.
> To this day, I am not "allowed" to wear red lipstick because he associates it with the horror and tear inducing pain that was inflicted on him.
> When Cosmo later suggested Altoids he was all "stay the hell away from me". Ahhhh, Cosmo.


Ouch!! The man or woman who invented this lipstick was probably the same one who invented the homeopathic nasal spray that I bought last winter, at the suggestion of the pharmacist. She didn't tell me that it was made from cayenne pepper. Holy Cow!! That hurt!! I screamed like a girl.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Halien said:


> Ouch!! The man or woman who invented this lipstick was probably the same one who invented the homeopathic nasal spray that I bought last winter, at the suggestion of the pharmacist. She didn't tell me that it was made from cayenne pepper. Holy Cow!! That hurt!! I screamed like a girl.


Now try having that effect "downstairs" and well, you get the picture.


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## Halien (Feb 20, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Now try having that effect "downstairs" and well, you get the picture.


Sadly, been there, done that. As a kid, went camping with my Creek cousins and the mosquitoes found their way under the shorts. I swore that my mother said to use Vick's Vapo Rub, but she said that she told us to use Campho. Either way, I cried.


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## DanF (Sep 27, 2010)

Ladies,
I am not going to state that everything in Cosmo is spot on, but to discount it completely is just as wrong.
If you think that you know everything that pleases your man, chances are you not 100% right. I read it and point out stuff to my wife in it. She used to think that I was oversexed and somewhat kinky until Cosmos showed her that I am not the only man in the world that likes these things.
I suggest that you read it with an open mind.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I get a kick out of Cosmo - don't subscribe to it, but I have this month's copy on my nightstand right now, courtesy of my husband. He periodically buys me copies that he finds interesting or humorous - I try and take note of what it is he finds appealing. 

A few months ago he brought one home that had an article about doing it totally hands free - both partners. We had a fun time wrestling around trying to make it work and realized that we are getting older and not quite as flexible as we used to be.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

WhiteRabbit said:


> lol Syrum i hear ya on that one...isn't it funny that all of the sex articles always have a title like, "ways to give him pleasure." and "what he REALLY wants in bed"....um i don't need to pay for a magazine to tell me a man wants blowjobs and a woman who orgasms with him in order to be pleased as punch.


Hmm, the wife in question
1 Probably knows in vague terms what a blowjob is;
2 Suspects her husband would like one;
3 Believes that the act is dirty, sick and degrading;
4 Believes her husband is dirty sick and depraved for wanting one;
5 Has no idea how to perform one;
6 Even if she did know how, wouldn't actually perform one while she has a hole in her ars£...


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> Hmm, the wife in question
> 1 Probably knows in vague terms what a blowjob is;
> 2 Suspects her husband would like one;
> 3 Believes that the act is dirty, sick and degrading;
> ...


Could you generalize just a tad more? 

The sex articles are ridiculous in Cosmo. Give him head, rub his back, use toys, talk dirty, wear lingerie, use erotic food, etc. blah, etc. Really, I just paid $5 for this "advice"? I demand a refund.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> Hmm, the wife in question
> 1 Probably knows in vague terms what a blowjob is;
> 2 Suspects her husband would like one;
> 3 Believes that the act is dirty, sick and degrading;
> ...


Now THAT is really sad! She needs to learn how to be a good girl in every place but the bedroom!


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## stumblealong (Jun 30, 2010)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Years ago Cosmo had an article about oral sex. They suggested that a woman should make her mouth as inviting as possible. I thought "cool" and proceeded to use lip plumper and red lipstick. Little did I know that the two main ingrediants in lip plumper is cinnamon oil and cayenne pepper oil.
> To this day, I am not "allowed" to wear red lipstick because he associates it with the horror and tear inducing pain that was inflicted on him.
> When Cosmo later suggested Altoids he was all "stay the hell away from me". Ahhhh, Cosmo.


:rofl: OMG I almost peed my pants!! That is hilarious! 

I find those cosmo sex articles cheesy!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Could you generalize just a tad more?


Who's generalising? I know her.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Could you generalize just a tad more?
> 
> The sex articles are ridiculous in Cosmo. Give him head, rub his back, use toys, talk dirty, wear lingerie, use erotic food, etc. blah, etc. Really, I just paid $5 for this "advice"? I demand a refund.


I totally agree! Most of the "advice" is recycled every couple of issues anyway. Most of this advice stopped being useful to me when I was in my early twenties. Then again, I am probably not in the right demographic for Cosmo anyway.  Women my age are supposed to read parenting or homemaking magazines, right? Not that those aren't useful, they just don't have the articles for "spicing things up."


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

HappyWife40 said:


> Now THAT is really sad! She needs to learn how to be a good girl in every place but the bedroom!


Yes. However, I seriously believe there are women (and MEN too) who go out of their way to learn to be bad everywhere EXCEPT the bedroom, and decide to make up for their bad behaviour by being as good as gold when they're in there...


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Sawney Beane said:


> Who's generalising? I know her.


Ah, okay. Big difference. You wrote "the wife" not "my wife" so it sounded like you were making this about all wives.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> Yes. However, I seriously believe there are women (and MEN too) who go out of their way to learn to be bad everywhere EXCEPT the bedroom, and decide to make up for their bad behaviour by being as good as gold when they're in there...


I agree. The thing is, by being "as good as gold", they are really being the worst that they can be. I am Christian, so I am supposed to be a "good girl". The way I do that, and the way I counsel other women to do that, is to be as fun and as naughty as I can with hubby. He doesn't seem to want to stray because I keep him plenty occupied.  I wish all women could find their inner naughty girl with their husbands. It makes life so much more fun!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Ah, okay. Big difference. You wrote "the wife" not "my wife" so it sounded like you were making this about all wives.


You cannot even begin to imagine how glad I am that the woman is question is *someone else's *wife!

Nor can you imagine how sorry I am for that poor ******


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

HappyWife40 said:


> I agree. The thing is, by being "as good as gold", they are really being the worst that they can be. I am Christian, so I am supposed to be a "good girl". The way I do that, and the way I counsel other women to do that, is to be as fun and as naughty as I can with hubby. He doesn't seem to want to stray because I keep him plenty occupied.  I wish all women could find their inner naughty girl with their husbands. It makes life so much more fun!


Yup, never understood this. The Bible is about 30% sexual content. If sex wasn't supposed to happen, it wouldn't be in there for the faithful to follow.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Is there an older woman who could counsel her? Some women need to actually hear it from another woman (especially one that they respect and see as a "good girl") to realize that they are allowed to have fun. I have talked to women, some younger, some older and they are amazed at what a supposed "good girl" will do. Then they tell me that their husbands want them to hang out with me more often. I am a baaaad influence!!!


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

Therealbrighteyes said:


> Yup, never understood this. The Bible is about 30% sexual content. If sex wasn't supposed to happen, it wouldn't be in there for the faithful to follow.


That's why good girls should have fun in bed! The Bible actually tells us to!


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

HappyWife40 said:


> Is there an older woman who could counsel her? Some women need to actually hear it from another woman (especially one that they respect and see as a "good girl") to realize that they are allowed to have fun. I have talked to women, some younger, some older and they are amazed at what a supposed "good girl" will do. Then they tell me that their husbands want them to hang out with me more often. I am a baaaad influence!!!


She certainly hasn't picked up on it from Mrs SB, although in fairness they're pretty close in age and I don't think she sees my W as a "good girl" - faaaar too edgy:smthumbup:

She isn't religious though - typical Brit, thinks about God at weddings, plantings and christenings only, so it isn't that.

I sent her old man to MMSL - he didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He read the bit about upping your sex rank and being a "strapping version" of yourself.

The poor sod is about 5'5" tall, weighs under eight stone soaking wet with his pockets full of change and is woefully physically inept. He's so unco-ordinated he can barely catch a cold


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> She certainly hasn't picked up on it from Mrs SB, although in fairness they're pretty close in age and I don't think she sees my W as a "good girl" - faaaar too edgy:smthumbup:
> 
> She isn't religious though - typical Brit, thinks about God at weddings, plantings and christenings only, so it isn't that.
> 
> ...


Hate to say it - they sound like a matched set. Maybe they're both frustrated out of their minds.


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

MMSL is a great blog! There has to be SOMETHING this guy can do to be more alpha. I'm sure he has at least one manly trait (I hope?) maybe he can capitalize on that.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

HappyWife40 said:


> MMSL is a great blog! There has to be SOMETHING this guy can do to be more alpha. I'm sure he has at least one manly trait (I hope?) maybe he can capitalize on that.


In his defence, he's a good laugh, and he's a clever lad where money's concerned (he's an accountant), but I'm not sure that's very alpha, is it?

I've tried encouraging him to exercise, but he sees himself as being so weedy to start with that he won't see any "decent" improvement ever (as he puts it, if he had twice the muscle mass he's got now, he still wouldn't have enough to make a Big Mac), and if he went down the MA route (he admires me and the W for that), most of the kids would wipe the floor with him, which would do wonders for his confidence and manhood


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## HappyWife40 (Aug 23, 2011)

A good sense of humor can be alpha. He just has to be willing to be naughty with the humor. My husband has a wicked sense of humor! I told him recently, if you can still make me laugh after the twenty plus years we have been together, I think we will be great! MMSL just had a great post: Sexting and Jennifer's Lost Phone... If you haven't read it, it's very funny. It's a good example of "bad boy" alpha humor.

When my husband and I got together, I was a very good girl, but his dirty mind has rubbed off on me. Maybe that's what needs to happen to this woman. I'd love to talk some sense into her.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

HappyWife40 said:


> A good sense of humor can be alpha. He just has to be willing to be naughty with the humor.


I have the impression that he might be willing to be naughty, but that his wife won't see the funny side of it - ever. She would find the sort of things at MMSL that you mentioned as being coarse, crass, vulgar, disgusting, oafish, moronic and certainly not the sort of thing that would cross her radar as having any connection with anything she finds sexy.

And as for the bit about plying her with drink close to ovulation, to her mind that's probably separated from premeditated sexual abuse by roughly the width of a sheet of paper


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