# I think I may be too eager



## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

and showing that i am too available emotionally with some girls. I am a hopeless romantic and admittedly a sensitive dude. I just got out of a 10 year marriage and sometimes i feel that I open up way too quickly emotionally in order to fill in the void of loneliness. I know i might have to back off and maybe let them chase me a little rather than being so eager to be with them. I'm not a bad looking guy by no stretch but i've always been a romantic. I fear that me changing that might be the wrong move.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Did I read correctly in some of your other posts that you've been out of your house for about 3 weeks now?

Honey, you aren't "open emotionally" or "romantic". You're desperate and rebounding. 

It's totally natural at the end of a relationship to miss that feeling of companionship and whatnot, but it sounds like you're just bouncing around trying to fill a hole. Nothing emotional or romantic about that. And once women get a whiff of that "_eau de desperation_" we're generally done and gone.

I thought I saw when I searched your posts that earlier this week you'd only been out a short while and that all you thought about was reconciling? If that's the case, you're definitely not "emotionally available". You're lonely. Which is understandable after you've lived with other people for years and years, coupled with the pain of a breakup. But I promise you won't die if you take a break from "seeking" and just get your head on straight. Get your marriage resolved, your feelings about it all resolved and then see what's out there. Then being a romantic and open guy is more appealing.


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

I think you're right and I see what you're saying. I'm definitely lonely. I admit it. I went from being an extremely social guy to what i have become. I've decided that looking backwards isnt an option anymore as far as reconciliation goes. It's sad but I will live I know I will. A lot of people tell me I should be taking this time to find myself but I dwell on things and that is where the desperation comes in. Thanks for the female perspective and maybe it's good that emotionally, i am not available.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

Well why on earth would giving up on reconciliation mean that you're not social? And that finding yourself means you have to be lonely?

You know that you can hang out with people completely without the intent of finding someone to hook up with, right?  There are oh, say...other guys. Groups of men and women all doing things. Lots of options that don't involve trolling for the next Mrs. Right. Or the next Mrs. Right Now, even! 

"Finding yourself" doesn't have to mean contemplating your navel. If you're naturally an extrovert (and it kind of sounds like you are) then that's going to make you flip-floppin' nuts. Finding yourself means a lot more like getting back to finding what interests and excites YOU. What you like to do and how you like things to be. The things that are important to you and that you wouldn't compromise again. You don't (and probably shouldn't) have to be quiet and still to figure those things out. Take a cooking class so you can eat decent food, join a softball league--check out meetup.org and see what's going on around your area.

Just get out and do stuff again. Then you'll heal. You'll figure out Rico again. And when you come across a potential Mrs Right or even a really fun Mrs. Right Now--you'll be able to evaluate things in a clear-headed way, and have a chance at actually getting them interested because you won't have that funk o' desperation seeping out of every pore! :smthumbup:


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## Rico (Jul 28, 2010)

lmao!! Thank you, I will look that up. You're absolutely right and I think that I got so dependent on having someone around all the time that I just havent given myself time to learn to be happy being with myself. I appreciate the honesty and the feedback.


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## for better or for worse (Jul 4, 2011)

A lot of us fall into that trap, you are not the only one Rico. 

These are good lessons for all who are struggling with separation.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

Rico, even though I am married, I have "cooled the jets" a little on my wife, and it has really started to pay off.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Rico said:


> lmao!! Thank you, I will look that up. You're absolutely right and I think that I got so dependent on having someone around all the time that I just havent given myself time to learn to be happy being with myself. I appreciate the honesty and the feedback.


http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/18181-man-up-nice-guy-reference.html

Rico,

Read these links.


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