# Hot Monogamous Sex



## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more? If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Absolutely!!!!!!!


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## just got it 55 (Mar 2, 2013)

Married 37 years it comes and goes depending on life circumstances 

Kids ,school , life, death

for me all come and gone

Now I eat cake at home

55


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Hell yes...My wife and I just found a new way to use my power rack/smith machine over lunch today.  *devilish grin*

In other words...changing things up, trying "new" things...etc.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Marry someone who enjoys sex as much as you do or more. Avoid obvious warning flags. State your needs and listen for your partner's needs...


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

I can vouch for hot sex every night for ten years.


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

I had to wonder in this day and time when a partner can sit at home and engage in anything from same sex cheating to selling sex. With so many distractions and options how do you keep one persons interest and trust?


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Blaine said:


> I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more? If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,


Yea but it takes imagination, spice, trust, and a little bit of luck.


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

It works when "hot sex" AND "lovemaking" begin outside the bedroom.

We keep it sexy all the time, sexy talk, sexy touches, texts, innuendos, etc.... it starts when we wake up in the a.m.


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## alltheprettyflowers (Jul 24, 2015)

I doubt it, dont want to get my hopes up.


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## MountainRunner (Dec 30, 2014)

Not sure if you're up for this @Blaine, but this one is always a surefire precursor to some hot and heavy sex...I'll do a surprise strip/lap dance for my wife when she least expects it. More often than not, I'm lucky if I can finish my routine before she is...heh..."ready".


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

What is this hot sex you speak of?


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

Whatever is enough to keep a partner from looking somewhere else or mind blowing sex whichever is easier lol


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## Hardtohandle (Jan 10, 2013)

Look except for one period of time of about 2 months where my wife shut down on me.. I think it was the end of a PA, just no proof and I am reflecting back.. 

But beyond these 2 months.. I got steady sex 2 to 3 times a week for 20 years.. Even when she was leaving me I was getting it, EVEN MORE.. I guess it was good bye sex.. Who knows and I was a really fat fvck then..


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Just pretend it is someone else, like their sister. :lol:


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

Blaine said:


> I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more? If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,


The crazy sex I had with my wife when we were is college is "meh" compared to now. Not necessarily that it is wild and crazy as it is probably more tame and vanilla than our younger days, but we are emotionally and intimately way more connected which makes sex exponentially better. Here is an example:

After decades of sex with the same person, both know exactly what sends each other over the edge to orgasm and can easily do it almost effortlessly with the same amount of effort it takes to get dressed in the mornings. Once you get to this point the nature of sexual playfulness significantly changes. Since your partner knows you so well, you become completely vulnerable in the fact that your partner has FULL CONTROL over your pleasure. While in college an orgasm might be like riding you bike as fast as you can to see how high you can jump, twenty years later an orgasm is akin to your partner holding you upside down off of a twenty story high rise just letting you dangle, you look into her eyes as she smiles at you and raises her eyebrow knowing that she is no where near done having her fun with you yet!

The only secret I know of is being very aware of anything in your relationship that undermines trust and communication, such as shame, guilt or fear. 

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Yes, it's possible. Now in our 16th year of averaging more than once a day. Often it's just really good, but frequently it's extraordinarily hot. We're not always monogamous (just most of the time), but sex would still be just as good if we were.


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

I agree with Badsanta and that's saying something !
24 years and it's wonderful, honestly. In know, I can't even believe it myself. 
However, I am thankful.
Here's to another 24 years !


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## UMP (Dec 23, 2014)

Blaine said:


> I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more? If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,



As far as the "secret" I would say you must be willing to change.
My wife was not very "sexy" in bed and not wanting to try new things. She put in a big effort and is making sex great for both of us.

I had to get rid of my "ego" as it relates to my prowess in bed. Apparently I sucked in bed for a loooong time. I learned, and I changed for the better.

Also, as they say, it takes a lot of work. Both of us weigh less than when we first got married 24 years ago. That takes dedication.
I listen to what she wants and needs and DO it.
She listens to what I want and need and DOES it.
I think it's part of the two becoming one thingy. Problem is, I honestly don't know what I would do without her.


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## Sure that could work (Jun 9, 2015)

It kind of depends on what you mean by "hot". There is the "hot" I can't keep my hands off of you let's get in the bathroom right this minute, the kids are occupied. And then there is the let's do backrubs and see what happens "hot". There is also the let's break in the new diningroom table, chair, rug, etc "hot". Then there is the look at this new toy I bought "hot". Then there is the just get the car into the shop "hot". So sure a couple can have "hot" sex with just each other for a very long time. But there is also the come here you look like you need a hug "hot" that turns into something great.

It all starts with a touch, a look, and a smile............

(married for 42 years and still going strong, does that qualify me to answer?)


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Blaine said:


> I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more? If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,


Yes absolutely, long-term monogamous sex can remain HOT! We just recently celebrated our 25th anniversary and I think sex is even better now than ever! 

Secret to keeping it good is to prioritize the Husband/Wife relationship. Try to not let kids and busy schedules keep you from being husband and wife. With 4 kids, jobs, stress, we were often guilty of putting everyone and everything else first before us. With our oldest 2 moved out and the other 2 being self-sufficient teens, we have more time to devote to us! Having more fun than ever now!


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## karole (Jun 30, 2010)

Our daughter has just moved out, so it's just my husband and I again. We are loving it!!! It's like we are newlyweds again. Always new things to try, so it never gets boring or routine. I hope we have 30 more years together!!


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## anchorwatch (Mar 5, 2012)

Oh yeah! Hot sex since '73. 

Alright, maybe not as often, but still hot.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

karole said:


> Our daughter has just moved out, so it's just my husband and I again. We are loving it!!! It's like we are newlyweds again. *Always new things to try*, so it never gets boring or routine. I hope we have 30 more years together!!


*Badsanta's Hot Monogamous Sex Tip #235 part b*

Once your fingers no longer reach the coconut oil towards the bottom of the jar, fill a sink with hot water and place the closed jar in until everything melts. Then drain the sink and fill it with ice and place the jar of remaining coconut oil upside down.

Once the oil "almost" solidifies, it will all be at the top of the jar. Then open the jar and press into the middle with your fingers which will create an opening to the bottom of the jar. While the oil in the middle is still malleable from the heat, make the hole large enough to fit a penis. 

Now not only will you be now able to reach the coconut oil that used to be stuck at the bottom of the jar, but you don't need to scoop it out with your fingers as the jar jar now doubles as an applicator so that you don't end up with oily hands... as in just a few moments you will likely be grabbing onto anything nearby just to hang on for dear life because the hot monogamous sex that follows is:










*DYN-O-MITE*​


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Just pretend it is someone else, like their sister. :lol:


Ew


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

Mr.Fisty said:


> Just pretend it is someone else, like their sister. :lol:
> 
> 
> SunnyT said:
> ...


:rofl: Or if you're from the south the pretend it's your own sister.


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## Voltaire2013 (Sep 22, 2013)

Married but Happy said:


> Yes, it's possible. Now in our 16th year of averaging more than once a day. Often it's just really good, but frequently it's extraordinarily hot. We're not always monogamous (just most of the time), but sex would still be just as good if we were.


I think you're just bragging now. I see no 'how to' in your post. :smile2:

Cheers,
V(13)


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## Blaine (Jul 23, 2015)

Originally I was looking for secrets that could blow someone's mind even after years but then I was just wondering what would keep them from looking elsewhere.


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## Rushwater (Feb 11, 2013)

The wife and I just had our 21st anniversary and the sex is a thousand times better than when we were newlyweds! This is probably the largest surprise that I have encountered with marriage. The first few years, we were both a little too shy to really disclose our sickest, most perverted desires. And then one day, there was a paradigm shift. She caught me staring at her toes (not sure how she did not see me doing that before and I cannot believe that I just disclosed that). I had to confess my fetish to her which, to my shocking surprise, she had absolutely no problem with. Quite the opposite. She embraced it, out of love for me, and ran with it to a degree that would probably get us kicked out of most religions. And then the nylons..... Good grief! and then the dirty talking.... Excuse me... I'll be right back.........

....15 minutes later....

Yeah, I know my "thing" is probably pretty tame, compared to others, but I digress. Ok, so then, she finally confessed her darkest desires which, gulp, I cannot disclose, as she would...... murder.... yes, murder me (mine was extremely tame compared to hers). Anyway, as strange as I thought it was, I exploited the **** out of it. I never, in a million years, thought that I would be married to a woman that I could lust after, dream and fantasize about and, at the same time, be madly in love with. In fact, the love magnified the lust and intensity! I could never be this comfortable with any another human being, to this degree, ever again. 

Thus, in summary, our "secret", quite frankly, is complete and utter disclosure facilitated by trust.


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## anonfrank (Apr 18, 2013)

Blaine said:


> I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more?


Absolutely yes. My wife and I have been married 21 years as of next week. We have our issues because she is bipolar, but we have regular, passionate sex, typically several times a week. The sex has gotten better as she has gotten older. We were both inexperienced when we married (she a virgin and I'd only had one other sexual relationship before we met), so initially she didn't know what to do and wasn't sure how to enjoy herself completely, though she knew she liked it and loved the closeness. When she turned 40, it was like a switch turned on and she figured it out. That made the sex life even better for both of us. We are now having the best sex we have ever had, even better than the passionate stuff we did when we didn't know what we were doing.

So short answer, YES.



> If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,



A lot of women have a second wind in their 40's sexually, or so I hear.

As noted above we both figured out what we like. We communicate clearly what we want during sex and we encourage each other to communicate. That gets easier to do the longer you are married and the better you know one another. Most importantly, lovemaking begins long before sexual intercourse. Touching in a loving way all day makes both of us want each other in bed. We don't always agree with one another in our day to day world but always have basic respect.

Of course, when she's having a bad bipolar day (that's about once every week or two), I steer clear and let her clear her head. Best for me and my son that way. Even on meds, she has some bad days.


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

Voltaire2013 said:


> I think you're just bragging now. I see no 'how to' in your post. :smile2:
> 
> Cheers,
> V(13)


LOL Well, isn't it something to brag about? (And where else can I? Not at work, certainly.)

As for how ... Well, start with two truly HD people, who are very attracted to each other and have worked hard to stay attractive, sincerely want the other to be happy and fulfilled, and delight in the emotional closeness and bonding that sex creates for us.

It's not rocket science, but is apparently elusive. This was not remotely possible with our exes, for example. They were lower drive, had agendas for their own happiness where ours mattered much less, and lacked respect for our needs and opinions.


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## life_huppens (Jun 3, 2015)

Sure, just raise room temperature at about 90F, it should do it.
On a serious note, it is possible as long as you two are sexually compatible, in a sex drive desire, as well as there is passion remaining between two of you inside and outside of bedroom.
In my situation, it is still "hot", unfortunately on my wife schedule, which start to be a huge turn off.
So for me, after 16 years, it is still on, but I am not sure for how long...


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

Flirting, dating, sexting, touching, talking..... all of it matters.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

Oh yes! :wink2:

I married young, very puritanical Christian background and my husband was my first. He was more experienced. First 1/2 of marriage, we had nice, let's make babies sex. Then, the kids came and I got sick with female issues and we slowed down. Maybe, once every 6 weeks. Just to keep things going. My husband was always loving, kind and patient. I also make an effort to do other things to keep our intimacies going, never mind, I could'nt have sex. We struggled through those years until I received treatment. 

Once, the kids grew a bit and didn't need me that much things got much better.

Then, I hit 35 and it was oh baby come and get me. He is enjoying himself and I am having a great time>.

So, we are in our mid 40's and rocking it. Boy, who knew that sex was going to be so great now in our lives. 

I have fewer hang ups and more than happy to initiate. Yea, middle age me! ( my daughter things we are middle age but looking good).
Little does she know good old mum is still rocking it.


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## nirvana (Jul 2, 2012)

I haven't had sex in 2 weeks. And I am horny. 
My wife today is looking just so very hot. A tight T shirt over her beautiful boobs, her intoxicating waist and hips and her flat stomach after 2 kids. Oh man.
Can't wait to rip it all off and ravish her.
She came to me to tell me she was going shopping and I asked her to come close and kissed her. She is a bit LD unfortunately and isn't very affectionate like I am, but we kissed a bit and I felt her up.
Now the launch sequence is starting and I hope to get lucky tonight.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

Married for 36 years...the sex is hotter than our honeymoon...


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## Thundarr (Jul 4, 2012)

You guys talking about sex being better now than 10/20/30 years ago are setting a high bar. That's a good thing. For me sex has always been awesome but I feel very proud and lucky to be the guy my wife has given herself to for all of these years. Sometimes it's routine, sometimes it's intimate, and sometimes it's a little kinky. It's with the person I want it to be with every time though.


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## Normalguy062302 (Dec 30, 2015)

Yes...my wife and I have been married for 15 years and our sex life has continually gotten better. We have become more use to one another and know how we "fit"! The one thing that we have done though is each year for our anniversary we try something new and daring for sex. Last year for instance it was sex in a hot tub and sex outside. This definitely made it more exciting. My wife finished in like 5 minutes when we were outside. She loved the hot tub sex so much that we did it 4 or 5 times more before we cam home. We had tried anal before and it was good but we hand't done that in a while, but my wife has been wearing more tight clothes lately. Little did I know that meant she wanted to try anal again. We did and it was amazing. This year on our anniversary it is going to anal in the hot tub. Long story short....mix it up. Try toys, roleplay, different types of sex, different locations, etc. Sex is supposed to be fun and experimental....so experiment. As long as you are both ok with whatever you are trying....go for it. For instance, I know my wife and I will never have a threesome or sex with strangers. We don't believe that is appropriate, but doing various things with each other is awesome....give it a shot!


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

You got a bunch of great posts and ideas and opinion.

The reality is you can do them all, have hot sex every day and night, and that is still no ironclad guarantee that the curse of infidelity cannot bite you. The person who figures that one out will be a billionaire in an instant.

Each and every one of us has our own self restrain on not crossing boundaries that will present themselves to us all at one time or another. look at how many threads start by BS that were having a lot of sex.

monogamy is best achieved when the communication and love are enough to overcome the raw physical urge, not by simply different sex positions or acts.

just my opinion.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

Blaine said:


> I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more? If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,



Each of you pick a different sexual place and position to do every week as a surprise.

Never ask is this or that okay. Surprises within reason.

- sex in the shower before work
- sex during the middle of the night, spouse could be sleeping....
- oiled breast jobs
- oiled foot jobs
- any and all toys
- oils, scented candles
- blind folds
- tie spouse to bed
- lots of oral, 69, etc.
- try anal
- use food, whipped cream, fruits, chocolate, syrup....
- cosplay, dress up as a fantasy for your spouse
- go away for the night or weekend to a hotel for sex
- sex in the cars
- sex outside, risky...
- sex in the kitchen and bathrooms

Just thought of this stuff seconds ago. But I'm a HD adventurous guy, so I'm not really surprised.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel



.


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## Sun Catcher (Dec 6, 2013)

Normalguy062302 said:


> Yes...my wife and I have been married for 15 years and our sex life has continually gotten better. We have become more use to one another and know how we "fit"! The one thing that we have done though is each year for our anniversary we try something new and daring for sex. Last year for instance it was sex in a hot tub and sex outside. This definitely made it more exciting. My wife finished in like 5 minutes when we were outside. She loved the hot tub sex so much that we did it 4 or 5 times more before we cam home. We had tried anal before and it was good but we hand't done that in a while, but my wife has been wearing more tight clothes lately. Little did I know that meant she wanted to try anal again. We did and it was amazing. This year on our anniversary it is going to anal in the hot tub. Long story short....mix it up. Try toys, roleplay, different types of sex, different locations, etc. Sex is supposed to be fun and experimental....so experiment. As long as you are both ok with whatever you are trying....go for it. For instance, I know my wife and I will never have a threesome or sex with strangers. We don't believe that is appropriate, but doing various things with each other is awesome....give it a shot!


Am good with everything, just hope you are using your own hot tub and not some public hot tub at a hotel or on a cruise.:surprise:

One of the many reasons we have our own hot tub at home. I wouldn't go near a public hot tub for all the money in the world.


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Sure said:


> It kind of depends on what you mean by "hot". There is the "hot" I can't keep my hands off of you let's get in the bathroom right this minute, the kids are occupied. And then there is the let's do backrubs and see what happens "hot". There is also the let's break in the new diningroom table, chair, rug, etc "hot". Then there is the look at this new toy I bought "hot". Then there is the just get the car into the shop "hot". So sure a couple can have "hot" sex with just each other for a very long time. But there is also the come here you look like you need a hug "hot" that turns into something great.
> 
> It all starts with a touch, a look, and a smile............
> 
> (married for 42 years and still going strong, does that qualify me to answer?)


Don't forget, "Roadside park!" or hood of car at the lake hot."


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

Definitely wanting that Dodge megacab for leg room.  or tonou covor and air mattress in back.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Blaine said:


> I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more? If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,


*Absolutely! But as a committed couple, you have to make a conscious, concerted, heartfelt and fearless effort to work at it!*
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

We are in a non monogamous marriage for over 40 years. I had one 5 year monogamous relationship before I got married and have been monogamous for the last 5 years. I have had experience in both ways. My wife has only known non monogamy up until 5 years ago. What we had worked very well for us. I cannot believe the sex life and love I have had. We had all that monogamy could offer and more. We both agree that non monogamy is a lot more fun due to the increased possibilities on top of what you can get from monogamy. This does not mean we had groups sex all the time. We did have a lot of one on one quality time too. We had the best of both worlds.

Love took on a new and deeper feeling, knowing that my wife could have anyone she wanted to and yet always chose me. If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. This old saying is very true in our case. We were not bound by morality, vows or what society expects in a marriage. We chose each other despite being with other people too.

I know this is not for everyone but it did work for us. My wife is bi and seems to need both a male and female in her life so we made that work for us. I probably had less sex with others, outside of marriage, except for my wife and our girlfriend, than some of my monogamous friends who took the opportunity to cheat whenever they could. My wife and I both agree that non monogamy is better in our case and would chose it again if we had to start from the beginning again.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

I thought I would provide a different response to the OP's question. It is kind of a follow-on to the following comment that resonated with me.



Thundarr said:


> You guys talking about sex being better now than 10/20/30 years ago are setting a high bar. That's a good thing. For me sex has always been awesome but *I feel very proud and lucky to be the guy my wife has given herself to for all of these years. Sometimes it's routine, sometimes it's intimate, and sometimes it's a little kinky. It's with the person I want it to be with every time though*.


I have been married to the same woman for 44+ years. I love her more than life itself. Yet, I came darn close to divorcing her when our marriage turned sour and the sex slowed down and stopped. Ultimately, I had to change myself and grow up a lot. I had to learn how to be independent, not look to her for validation, do things that pleased me, tell her things she didn't want to hear, learn how to love her unconditionally and expect nothing back in return (no covert contracts). 

One of the lessons I learned from a great sex therapist who helped us is that the best sex should be fun, playful and with no stress or performance anxiety. If something doesn't work right then laugh about it and talk about it. "Hot sex" wasn't something the sex therapist stressed as a goal, but monogomy was.

Sex with the woman I love is always special, even if we both end up laughing about it. After all, sometimes leg cramps happen at the worst possible moment or a family member phones on that weekend morning when one of you is just about to orgasm and the mood is lost.

My point is yes work on improving your connection to your partner. Work on improving yourself. Work on your technique. Work on stretching each others boundaries, but don't be so focused on "hot sex" that you create performance anxiety or loose sight that marriage can cause two people to grow, know each other and themself better, and become more intimate. 

Now I am going to talk a little about what David Schnarch says about married sex. He says that married sex is about always getting your spouse's "leftovers." 

It is kind of a good news/bad news story. The Bad News is that traditional marriage can get boring. The Good News is that it doesn't have to if you are constantly emotionally growing with your partner.



> Why sex always consists of "leftovers"
> Understanding how normal sexual relationship develop is like watching three scenes in a very short comedy.
> 
> 
> ...


If you want to read the above in its context from Schnarch's website, enjoy... 
Sexual Relationships Always Consists of 'Leftovers' | DesireBook

That doesn't mean that you can't negotiate, stretch yourself or have your partner stretch themself to include new things on your respective lists. Schnarch believes in each growing and being true to themself, differentiating themself, being emotionally stretched by their partner, soothing their own raw feelings cause by that growth and stretching. 

By the way this is true for much more than sex in a marriage. It can include going out to see certain kinds of plays or the foods you will eat for dinner at home together.

I have links to one of the articles that explain some of the things he recommends to find happiness and "passion" in your marriage, if you care to read more. 

I admit, that I probably haven't done him justice in my explanation. But for those of us who have studied Glover's No More Mr. Nice Guy and MW Davis, Sex Starved Marriage advice, Schnarch can help round out and pull together some of the key ideas in each.

And now the Good News. A little long, but a good read with things to think about. Enjoy.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200512/lust-the-long-haul


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## committed_guy (Nov 22, 2011)

Blaine said:


> I am curious Is it possible to have HOT Monogamous Sex for a long period of time say 15 years or more? If so what are the secrets to making it last? :grin2:>,


I think great sex is two-fold: 

First is the physical side. Sex drive is primarily a result of hormones and emotional maturity. Someone on certain medication may kill their sex drive for no reason or fault of the other partner. 

Second, communication in and out of the bedroom. Figuring out what makes the other person feel loved and capitalize on that. 

Great communication and trust may help with the first problem. Where if someone doesn't want to have sex but values their spouse then they may go through with this for the other's sake. That is a level of emotional maturity where they know they are giving some now to make the other feel loved which will in turn come back to them in different ways. 

In the bedroom I try slight variations and ask my wife if she likes this or that. She isn't very emotionally mature in this area so she tends not to answer so I have no idea if what I am doing feels good to her. She makes it very difficult for me to learn how to love her body. But when she does stuff for me I tell her exactly what I like and how. 

Since the OP asked about "hot" sex I think another requirement is variety. Do different things, discuss and act out fantasies, different positions and places. I think just because a couple wants to remain monogamous doesn't mean sex has to be boring. There are tons of things they could do which don't include other people that can be exciting.


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