# When will the Name Calling End!?



## theBlameGame (May 6, 2009)

My H has a really nasty habbit of calling me names when he is upset. He blurts it out like it's nothing to him but for me....it really hurts. Earlier today when I got home from work, as I opened the door the first thing he asked me was "Did you get my text message?" I answered "No, I can't take my phone out at work" He got upset and said "What the Fu*k is the point of having a phone if you're not going to use it?" So I checked my phone and 
there was a text message from him saying "Can you pick up a thumb drive for me?"

Now, I do admit I am not that good in monitoring my phone, it's just that I've never been a "cellphone" person (someone who checks his/her phone every second) and to make matters worse I always have to put it on silent because of school and work! So I got upset and responded with my usual irritated voice and said "tsssss.....I can't check my phone at work, besides why can't you get it yourself?!?" Then he mocked me and called me a c*nt! I hate that word!!!!!!

It hurts sooooo much when he calls me names. I dont think I deserve to be called names like that. Not only that but calling me a b*tc* is nothing to him as well. I'm not like that..and he always tells me when I ask him not to call me a "bi*ch" that I shouldn't act like one! I only act like I am one when he pisses me off! Today I even said "Well, how do you expect me to react to your rude comments?! just in a nice way and say ok?!"

I don't know what to do! I can't stand it anymore....please help me find a way to get through him because I just don't want this to continue....It hurts...it really does.....


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## pickles2009 (May 5, 2009)

he's being verbally abusive to you. I lived in a verbally abusive relationship for 13 years, after a physcially abusive one. Verbal abuse leaves lingering damage so much longer. You don't deserve to be talked to like that. If he really loved you, he simply wouldn't call you those things, he'd have respect for you. Granted, your "get it yourself" comment pretty much stirred the pot, but... he still shouldn't talk to you like that.


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## Hopeful_SLP (Apr 14, 2009)

I don't even know what to say to that. Noone deserves to be treated like that, and although my husband and I argue and he sometimes says "are you retarded" (which I take offense to because I work with special needs children), he will come back and apologize and explain why he was upset. 
Once or twice, I have just opened the garage, gotten in my car, and drove off. Not answering my phone for 3-4 hours. Gone shopping just to get out of the house. When I finally answered the phone he was on pins and needles seeing what I was going to say. I was very short with him, nonchalant. One time I agreed to meet him for lunch, and didn't say a word the entire time, then said "alright, I'm going out. I'll be home later". I think he truly worried that he didn't know where I was, we live in the Memphis area. 
I don't think that you should sit and take it. Let him know that this is the last straw. Just stand up, turn around, and hit the mall for a few hours. Let him wonder. And then all you have to say when he comes around is "you are a really mean person and I won't take you talking to me like that". Straight face, no tears, no BS, he'll get the point I hope! Let me know how it goes.


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## valium (Sep 22, 2008)

Hello there

the only thing I can say is it does wear you down and is really horrible. Just try and be strong for yourself.


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## theBlameGame (May 6, 2009)

Hopefull I've done that before and yeah what you said is exactly what happend. I'm a type of person who doesn't like to talk when I'm mad just because I know all I would say is just out of anger. The thing is that after he calls me names he then apologizes then of course I would accept it. Everythibg will be ok for a little bit but then when another moment arises... Here I am being called a b*tch. I often go to the gym when I get upset with him because I guess its a healthy way to get my frustrations out. I just want it to end I don't want the name calling to be a habbit. Like, what could I do to limit or lessen this nasty habbit and send out the message that "not ok!"

Btw, thank you sooo much for replying.You guys are really helping me out because not only do I feel supported but to know that I am not the only one going through this means a lot(doesn't sound very nice but that's the way I see it) then again thank you


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

well he is demanding and abusive for sure. 
I'd not try to have a conversation with him since he ends up calling you names.
I don't know how you can do much other than learn to live with it because people do not change.... and I would concentrate my efforts on escaping him rather than learning to live with him.

He is an adult and should not resort to calling you a [email protected] because he didn't get his way... thats just real immature and also very abusive.


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## LaBella (Mar 9, 2009)

My husband used to be verbal abusive, just not to the point of insults of the kind you are getting, mine was more demining on, you are fat, of stupid, or just an idiot. I took it for many years, and recently told him that when he talked to me that way he was been verbally abuisve to me, and I was feed up with it. He was really surorise that I fel that way, and after analizing the situation he realized why I felt that way, and has done his best to change, once in a while he say something hurtful, i give me a look, and tell him to pay attentiion to his words, and he stops.

You should have a talk with your hubby and tell him how you feel when he talks to you that way, thell him that it hurts and you really want him to stop, accuse him of verbal abuse, do a research and back up your argument with facts (you will be surprise at everything you find regarding VERBAL ABUSE), and if he is really sorry he will attempt to change, it will not be easy or right away, but 1 step at a time is the right direction

Good Luck

BElla


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## theBlameGame (May 6, 2009)

This is really sad to say but bella I think that is a good idea. Its really hard for me to even think that this is an abusive relationship but it is what it is. I don't know how he'll react towards me saying that he is verbally abusing me I think that would wake him up because I know he knows the gravity of the word abuse.

I will definitely do my research so that I wouldn't end up looking like a "dumb*ss" as he referred to me once before. Hmmmm how should I approach him though? We've never had the "I need to talk to you" kind of a conversation. How do people actually initiate conversations like that?

Again, Thank you guys sooooo much!


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## preso (May 1, 2009)

theBlameGame said:


> This is really sad to say but bella I think that is a good idea. Its really hard for me to even think that this is an abusive relationship but it is what it is. I don't know how he'll react towards me saying that he is verbally abusing me I think that would wake him up because I know he knows the gravity of the word abuse.
> 
> I will definitely do my research so that I wouldn't end up looking like a "dumb*ss" as he referred to me once before. Hmmmm how should I approach him though? We've never had the "I need to talk to you" kind of a conversation. How do people actually initiate conversations like that?
> 
> Again, Thank you guys sooooo much!


you have to address him when he does it... 
like if he says something and in it, calls you a dumb ass
right then you address it...
not after. Just like you would do in training a dog.

If you wait until after the fact and time goes by he will just say he didn't do it. 
If he refuses to correct the way he addresses you, I'd not speak to him anymore and start to make plans of my next move which would be getting away from him.
I will not tolerate abusive language and name calling. If my husband does it, I would slap him in the face before he ended the sentance.... 
just to let him know what I think about him calling me names.


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## theBlameGame (May 6, 2009)

Yeah preso I figured that's when I have to do it, and I will the next time this happens. Right now there's this tension between us its ridiculous. It just hurts soooo much when it happens that I couldn't even speak. I'm afraid that If I speak I would cry and to cry infront of him is like throwing my bloody self into a pool of sharks!

I wish I had the courage to slap him but honestly I'm just not like that. I would never want to hurt him verbally and most importantly physically.


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