# Initiating sex 101



## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just thought I'll share what I know and hope it helps out some people. "No sex from wifey" - This seems to be a recurring theme on this forum, and sometimes I feel guilty being here and complaining when my problems are on the "flipside" of everyone elses. So just thought I'll share...

First things first -> The alpha/beta concepts are important. If your wife can't respect you, she can't love you, and it's impossible to build an interest in sex from nothing. The most common book recommended by numerous posters here "No more Mr. Nice guy" can be very life-changing for many who have read it. So do pick up a copy and see where you go from there.

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PREPARATION
Now, here's the fun part -> how to initiate sex with your wife. First things first -> PREPARATION. Preparation prevents piss-poor performance, as the saying goes. Keep yourself fit, healthy, attractive, clean and smelling good. Don't bother trying to initiate when you have nothing prepared for her.

THE THRILL OF THE HUNT
Second thing -> STOP asking for it, stop begging for it, stop mentioning it. It's pathetic, sorry to say. If you have managed to bed your wife before marriage, you must remember the tools of the trade of how to get her into bed. Marriage is no different, sex should never be an obligation. Building and maintaining desire for each other has to be a constant. Yes, it's a game, but I call it the "game of love"

There are many avenues available for men, flirting, teasing, sexy talk, non-sexual touches, etc etc. I'm not going to go on about it because I am very sure as men, you know what to do. Romance is there to build up sexual tension and anticipation, and romance doesn't mean flowers or chocies or love notes (I'm allergic to flowers even and I hate chocies and no way will I write love notes, I prefer to express myself without paper). For me the romance can be as simple as flirts via SMS during the day, or non-sexual touches, sexy talk and teases. Alternate your styles too if you can... well I do anyways, sometimes I'm in a loving sweet mood, other times I'm very aggressive and dominant, etc etc, I make love in different ways.

CLOSING IN FOR THE KILL
Now, lastly -> you have romanced your wife, she is delighted, but what now? Desire is like a thermometer, you have to get the temperature high enough before it's the right time to do the deed. Now some women may pounce on you on the spot, but chances are, you have to learn timing by yourself. How do you figure out the right time? Easy, pay attention to how she responds to your teases/flirts/etc. Follow your gut, trust your instincts. This is the most time-consuming part, and it is at this phase that you have to take her mind off whatever it is in her mind, by planting the seed for sexual desire.

When you are confident the desire is there and ready, then you're in business -> Don't suggest sex, just do it. Don't even give her the opportunity to say no and rebutt any excuses she thinks of because by this time you KNOW she wants it too. Besides, it's rather hard to say no once you're horny and want to get it over and done with! Realise that this is the level of confidence that you need. The rebuttals are the fun part of it too, I always tell my wife to resist me more as it makes it so much more fun and it helps build MY desire as well. 

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Ok, now common problems may arise, such as your wife may feel like you are doing this just to get sex. This is a tricky one as no matter what you do, she will reject you. You have to change her impression of your approaches to avoid this issue. Consistency of affection helps alot with this, and you must be natural. Personally though, if my wife brought up that excuse, which she can't (reasons below), I'll just continue getting her horny then buggering off  Heh -> My luck is that I've always been a natural flirt, with other women too (to my wife's frustration). It's natural, consistent, and how I express my desire and affection.

Now, lets say none of this works, your wife has no desire for you whatsoever, you've read the book, you've pulled every move that you can think of, still can't get her to bed (and she's perfectly healthy)... then you will have to do what you have to do as a man; move on. Don't be a doormat, no matter what or how much you love her. Love yourself first, otherwise you will be inadequate to love anyone else properly. That's my rule anyways.

So... hope this helps.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

It's pretty easy to initiate sex when your wife wants sex 2 or 3 times a day, isn't it? Try explaining how to initiate sex when you get shot down 75% of the time...

And no, I don't believe your wife wants sex that often because she's overwhelmed by your alphaness. I think she wants sex that often because she needs therapy.

C


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

> And no, I don't believe your wife wants sex that often because she's overwhelmed by your alphaness. I think she wants sex that often because she needs therapy.
> 
> C


Yes!

I most definitely agree, as seen by my posts in regards to that subject. Unfortunately, she refuses to seek help and is still in complete denial. I can't make her see that it's a problem, for now all I can do is minimise the damage it causes to the marriage.



> It's pretty easy to initiate sex when your wife wants sex 2 or 3 times a day, isn't it? Try explaining how to initiate sex when you get shot down 75% of the time...


Yes, I've never been in a sexless marriage (my wife is my first wife), but at the same time I've never had problems getting sex in the past either. Just thought I'll share these pointers and hopefully someone can pick up a few things. For many men I expect them to already know this, but I've noticed many bad patterns/habits from the forum posts here since I've joined.

And yes, it is still very possible to turn off my wife like what I did recently at lunch. Bringing up performance anxiety is not the best way to get a lady in the mood lol 
I can most definitely keep doing it, become beta all the way but the truth is -> I don't want to lose my wife either, I just want my space.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

RandomDude said:


> Yes!
> 
> I most definitely agree, as seen by my posts in regards to that subject. Unfortunately, she refuses to seek help and is still in complete denial. I can't make her see that it's a problem, for now all I can do is minimise the damage it causes to the marriage.
> 
> ...


But you talk about not being a doormat, and how you'd leave if things were so bad. Yet you refuse to set boundaries with regards for counseling and working on your problems because she gets all pissy with you when you try.

All I'm saying is that it's one thing to be getting lots of nookie in the pre-marriage days, and even early marriage days. But when you figure out how to keep things going after 2 kids and 15+ years, then you'll have a winning solution. And yes, I know there's tons of posts in here from 25 to 35 year old guys who aren't getting sex as often as they'd like. But they ain't seen nothin' yet, as BTO would say.

C


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

The one reason I haven't put my foot down strongly yet is that it used to be so much worse, especially when I first joined. It was complete manipulation/disrespect both on and outside of the bedroom. I had to seriously man up, and it was very difficult because everyone had (still have) different opinions on what manning up truly means.

Does manning up mean:
1) Suck it up and be a man?
2) Put my foot down and tell her NO?
I'm confused as hell with this one, so right now, I'm doing a bit of both lol

But I'm getting what you are saying, I'm just hoping there is another way. My wife has been through alot already, and she has improved. I don't want to use a 20-ton hammer to fix one nail - if you know what I mean.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Confidence & all ....it's HUGE.... the teasing, the flirting.... it ups the arousal of our partners generally... I know my husband loves it... but if the woman ain't on board, if she just doesn't want it, feels it's the wrong time, the wrong place, got the kids on her brain, she is too tired.. one can do all that you suggest.....and like PBear says, if the dude gets turned down 75% of the time....one can't stay on this confidence plane, it's gonna crash to the ground. 

I've found it's pretty easy to be confident when we feel heavily desired by our spouses.... I know I've UPPED my husbands -just by wanting him all the time.  I've tried to respect what he can "give" of the rod - ha ha - so I wouldn't turn him the other direction -running from me while I'm ripping his clothes off. 

Our partners attitudes in sex....it's everything really....showing some







..... I can't say me & my husband has all these dynamics going on .....we don't get into the gaming, but we laugh & play....there is just a *willingness* .... a "to be taken" attitude flowing between us.....a yeilding to each other - anytime the other is wanting.







I am sure we are more mellow than you & the wife's antics... ha ha 

I recall one of your storys.... her teasing you on a glass table while you was underneath, oh the FUN you 2 must have !! :rofl: 

But look... just as your wife is TOO demanding (though great she has toned this down some :smthumbup.... some are so low drive stubborn - it is a similar problem of frustration ....oh how can one extreme even comprehend the other. 

But yeah.. this is the 1st step ...When we feel good about ourselves, we FEEL the Stud or the Seductress within, we want to devour..... no doubt, it all starts there....


> *Random Dude said*: Keep yourself fit, healthy, attractive, clean and smelling good. Don't bother trying to initiate when you have nothing prepared for her.


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

I think the OP list is an OK list for married men.
I agree that men should never ask for sex.
And its not simply about doing stuff around the house or romancing her either.
Its about doing your homework. KNOW your wife.
This is the same woman you seduced and got into bed the first time you guys had sex.What happens to most men is that after marriage,the seduction stops, and sex becomes obligatory.
IMO,that is the most boring sex. I don't know because I've never had it, but anything obligatory sounds boring to me.
Seduction before marriage and after marriage is a bit different because the woman you are trying to seduce already knows your moves. 
What works for me is taking charge , and always keeping her guessing 
[ teasing].
So she always looks forward to it,sometimes even demanding it.
Self confidence is the key.
One thing the OP forgot to mention though is what I call the golden rule.
When I was a boy,they taught us,
"..whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might.."
Soooo.....
Whenever you're having sex with your wife,
Giver her the best sex of her life.

Makes it easier the next time around.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

Caribbean Man said:


> I think the OP list is an OK list for married men.
> I agree that men should never ask for sex.
> And its not simply about doing stuff around the house or romancing her either.
> Its about doing your homework. KNOW your wife.
> ...


RD already has insecurities about giving his wife "the best sex of her life"... Great job of feeding that. 

C


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

PBear said:


> RD already has insecurities about giving his wife "the best sex of her life"... Great job of feeding that.
> 
> C


  Sorry OP!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

@SimplyAmorous

Haha! Yeah in the past I still remember trying to sneak out of bed or trying to escape from bed before my wife wraps her legs around me and pulls me back in (and as a pole dancer her leg grip is iron >.< ! And now she's even learning Jujitsu! lol)

Your marital dynamics are very interesting actually, I always value your input -> and I always find it curious; you have complete transparency, no games, while for me and my wife we hold mysteries, and like to play lol - Maybe as my wife and I mature we can be just like you guys! For now we are still kids pretty much, despite her being 30 now heh

And yeah the glass table, nah I wasn't underneath the table; she was wearing a T-shirt and nothing else; so I could see her lower body through the glass table and she sat cross-legged, and she kept switching her legs over... again and again until I lost control lol

It's memorable experiences like that, which makes me fall in love all over again with my wife. Some other experiences are memorable for all the wrong reasons but... >.< lol

@Caribbean Man

Lol it's alright mate 
And I agree with everything you said too

Just some erm... issues... with the last one lol

@Neilbl

Aye! Also In my opinion, I believe our instincts/gut feeling is what signs our subconscious mind picks up that our conscious mind misses.


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