# Contact with ex's family



## Doktorn (Feb 27, 2015)

My ex in laws asks me to a family dinner today, but I declined politely telling them I had other plans (try but they didn't pan out). The dinner was for tonight so it was last minute on their behalf so it is not surprising if I could not make it.

It got me wondering though. How do your deal with your ex inlaws?

My divorce was amicable and uncontested (although I wanted to make an effort to save the marriage). It's been 9 months since XW moved out, about 18 months since she asked for a divorce. 

I have met the in laws for Xmas and birthdays and we have had the occasional meal together. Although I know I have no right to expect, J feel hurt that when my XW informed them of her decision, they did not urge her to make an attempt to save the marriage. After all this time, I still feel betrayed and yet logically, I know they were always going to support their daughter first and foremost. 

I live in a foreign land and with my divorce, my social network has collapsed almost entirely as it was mostly based around my wife's family. My inlaws are nice people and have always been nice to me. Almost like surrogate parents. 

On the one hand I would like to keep them in my life, but on the other they represent an obstacle to moving on. How have you dealt with this?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

I politely declined all invites. Eventually they stop.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

My mother continued a relationship with her exDIL and it infuriated my brother. There were absolutely zero children between them.

My mother is just a passive agressive POS who likes drama. I'm sure you would not want to be used as political football to help your ex in laws to get a rise of their daughter.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

If you don't have children together, why not move back to your home country? Is spending time with the ex inlaws really keeping you from moving on, or do you just feel like its something you aren't "supposed to" be doing? As long as they are good to you and you don't have to see your XW to see them, I see nothing wrong with an occasional dinner or visit with them. Now if you truly feel they hold you back, then you need to start putting distance between you and them.


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## darkheavy (Jun 7, 2016)

I don't deal with my "wife's" in-laws.

My situation is a bit more quiet on that end. At the beginning, they all had reached out to me at some point. They personally weren't happy with my "W's" decision. Some told her they were making the biggest mistake of her life. Others didn't say a word. From what I'm being told by them it's because "this is between you and her. You're divorcing _her_...not _us_." It's nice to hear, but like you say, family will always protect family before anything else. Be careful of what you say to them, though. I'm not saying family can't be trusted. Just remember, they all look out for one another.

Eventually, I think the dust will settle down. If you want to deal with them, that's on you. I would personally advise against it.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

I have experience of living in a foreign land in which people were far more reserved than I was used to (and I am English). After a break up of a serious relationship, we had a call from her grandparents. It was for me rather than her. The last meal I had before moving to the US was with her family. This experience is not uncommon for that nation, as people do not form bonds quickly, but place great significance in the bonds they do form.


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## ReturntoZero (Aug 31, 2015)

NextTimeAround said:


> My mother continued a relationship with her exDIL and it infuriated my brother. There were absolutely zero children between them.
> 
> My mother is just a passive agressive POS who likes drama. I'm sure you would not want to be used as political football to help your ex in laws to get a rise of their daughter.


My sisters are also passive aggressive pieces of crap.

They kept my ex.

They can have her.


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