# emotional affair number 2 - and she's gone!



## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

2 big posts in 2 days! This one is more serious though.

4 months into our marriage breakdown, we finally seemed to have the issues out in the open. She wasn't happy about:

1. sex/passion lacking (infact, she said the sex had never been that great ever since we met)
2. she has no life outside of the house

I figured 1 was my responsibility and 2 was hers. I bought books on romance, started planning ways of turning this around. She started looking for a job, joined a tennis club etc. For the past 5 days we finally seemed to have a plan.

Yesterday I had hinted we would have sex that night, I had some different things planned. I went to bed early and half slept, half waited on her. It got to midnight and I got fed up. I went downstairs and found her engaged in a webcam conversation with a guy.

It was flirty. She had met this guy in a shopping centre and they had exchanged email addresses. She had a previous EA with a guy she had met online but she had ended that herself (I found out after it had ended) and it was during the time all the problems were bottled up and we weren't working on them. I was just getting over that one because I could at least understand why she did it.

I told her last time if she ever did it again it was over. I told her I wanted her to leave myself and our son as she was hurting me and if she stayed we'd be arguing and that'd hurt our son. She became hysterical, regretful, apologetic. She asked if I'd ever give her another chance, I answered nothing.

I maintained that she'd have to leave and we agreed I would drive her to her friends. When my son was home from school the 3 of us made the trip and I dropped her off there. It is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life by miles.

She goes to Paris on Monday for a week with her family (they live in 3 separate countries so very rarely are all together). She text me last night to ask if she can still contact me, I said it depended what it was about, and that she could contact me about our son any time.

So I'm waking up this morning just myself and my son. I still feel angry and hurt. I don't know what I am going to do now but I feel like if we ever tried again I would never be able to trust her. The fact is she is a very good liar and always makes these mistakes. She'd probably do it again. However it's very difficult to make the decision to end the relationship when you love the person so much, as I do in every way.

I have just told my son that mummy has gone to paris early. My only worry right now is whether I have done the right thing. As a husband should I not be doing everything I can to keep the family together. But why do this now, at the time we had finally got everything out in the open and had both commited to making it work. She obviously wasn't commited.

Sorry I just wanted to get it out


----------



## Deejo (May 20, 2008)

Very sorry for your circumstances.

You did the right thing. Now she has a week to reflect on a second betrayal - as do you.

If keeping the family together means that you tolerate infidelity and lying, you really don't have a family. Keep perspective. Stay strong.


----------



## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

Sounds like you absolutely did the right thing.

Sorry for you and your son that this has happened.


----------



## Gwyeneth (Feb 28, 2010)

f1r3f1y3 said:


> 2 big posts in 2 days! This one is more serious though.
> 
> 4 months into our marriage breakdown, we finally seemed to have the issues out in the open. She wasn't happy about:
> 
> ...


----------



## Gwyeneth (Feb 28, 2010)

I feel for you...it is not fair and she broke the vows of your marriage one too many times. If I were in your shoes, I'd be out! As hard as it is, you can do it! I've been there before at age 22, my daughter's father had more than three affairs (IT DOES NOT STOP!) after I had the courage to raise my daughter on my own, go to college and build my life back up. It takes time to heal, but if she is willing to cheat emotionally, it will lead to physical. Regardless, it is still cheating, for it is major betrayal and hurts the loyal partner, whom then feels like the fool. 

Get strong, find a lovely lady who'll appreciate you and PLEASE YOU; you deserve it. Your son will understand when the time is right and will adjust perfectly normal. Keep your head held high, and stop allowing a cheater to continue . It's a problem that doesn't stop, especially when you are telling her that you'll just accept her actions by taking her back.


----------



## michelob_64 (Feb 18, 2010)

I feel for you too & agree with everyone else ... you made the right decision. You can't live your life always wondering, worrying, spying on her. That isn't a life for you or your child. The fact is your wife was "fishing" at the mall and snagged herself a man's email address and then was webcamming with him. Not telling where that might have led. Honestly, I don't think she will ever stop because she likes the attention of someone new and derives great pleasure from being able to find these men when she is out.

I am at a crossroads with my wife now about her lying. It's happened far more often than I care to really realize & probably a hell of a lot more than I know about. I've tried the spying, wondering where shes really at when she's out with friends or what they are doing, etc. It's driving me nuts. She was telling her friends that I had an affair with someone at work (complete lie!), things blew up last night and I told her I can't live like this anymore. I guess to night will tell just how open her eyes are!!!


----------



## f1r3f1y3 (Dec 8, 2009)

michelob_64 thanks for the reply, sorry you're going through a similar situation.

My wife is begging and pleading for another chance, she is very distraught. In light of this I think if she came back, we'd work on stuff for a while and it'd be ok, but then 6 months down the line what will happen.. maybe number 3.

Other than going back to marriage counselling I can't really think of any other way of sorting our relationship out, or mitigating the risk of this happening again.

I suppose the key to it all is to figure out what need she has that I am not meeting and figuring out how to meet it. We were working on these things, but she does this again during our period of discovery, which seems almost self destructive.

Gwyeneth thanks. I caught both of these EAs fairly early on. The first one she ended by herself after we had our problems out in the open. I could have forgiven her for that one eventually, but the second one is the real kicker and leads me to believe there is a strong possibility of it happening again in the future.

But I love her and we have a son, so it's hard to just say "no, it's over" without really thinking that we have no chance at all of making it work.


----------

