# can you help me save my marriage



## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

me and my wife recently seperated. we have had our up and downs throughout the course of the last 4 years but we do love eachother very much. i have helped raise my son(step-son) for 6 years and we have a 5 yearold daughter. she bagan to drink alot and i became conscerned about her. i tried to talk to her parents about getting her help and they wouldnt beleive me or help even after i showed them proof and empty bottles. well i threatened to leave and file if she didnt straighten up and she became extremely angry with me. one night she attacked me in front of my children and i called the police. they carried her to her parents and the next day they have a lawyer. she has since not come to reality about the whole thing and her parents are pushing her to get a divorce even though i think she wants to work it out. let me include that the thing that has torn our marriege apart is the fact that she works for her parents. her hours are 9am-7pm 6 days a week. they have provided and spoiled her for the whole 29 years of her life and still do. she has allways taken her mothers advice over mine and her mother has done things in the past to make my wife think that she is the only one she can count on. i think my wife is scared to go against her parents and work thingsout with us. also we now have 10 grand in lawyer fee's now that all this is going on. the children say the miss me at home and that they wish i would come back. also now that we are seperated i still do everything i used to do with the exception of sleep in the same bed as her. is there anything i can do to turn the tables?


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

What's going on with her that she started drinking so much? Whatever it is probably holds at least part of the key to saving your marriage. It sounds like she has controlling parents as well. That's definately difficult for you to deal with, I'm sure! You did the right thing calling the police when she attacked you. I believe in 'better safe than sorry' especially with children in the house! Those kids need you so don't let her and her family push you away from them no matter what happens with your marriage. The first priority should be getting her drinking under control. It's not easy, but once she's sober, maybe you guys can have a rational discussion. Maybe with a counsellor?
Good luck and God Bless!


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

I think it is always a mistake to focus on drinking when it is obviously a symptom of something else. If you can't find out why she is self medicating then there's no point expecting her to stop drinking.

It might be best to discover what that issue is first, before you think about patching things up. When you say that "she wants to work things out too" are you speaking from what you have heard her say when she's sober or are you assuming you know what she wants?


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well she has drank for the last couple years on occation. not daily though. back in fedurary she had a falling out with her mother at work. her mother told her to go find a new job. she said" if you think you sorry a&^ husband is gonna pay you bills your wrong". well after two days at home she sasked me to help her. i explained to her that i didnt have any extra money. i said it takes all i make to kep the house and bills afloat. now she was drinking on an almost daily basis through this. she ended up going back to work for her parents 2 weeks later. and by doing so it made everything her mother said about me true. she has allways taken her mothers word over mine on anything. i say no momma says yes. i said no pool momma buys her a pool. i say no new car. momma buys her a minni van. i can not afford to do these things that she has been used to all her life. but her dad had tripple bypass lastyear around this time. it didnt effect her much but in march she learned about his possibility of having canser. we her parents became very broke. momm couldnt do as she allways has with giving her money. my wife ran up 16,000 in credit cards over the last year without my knowlege. i took all her cards and cut them up. two days later she comes home with her mothers card in her purse. see momma is going to whatever she can to keep herself at number one. but now that she cant because of money issues is why i think my wife is so upset. reality is really commming down on her fast. i dont blame her totally for the past but i can put most of the blame on her mother. alot of it is they way she was raised. she is 29 and her sister is 27 and they are still mostly dependant on their parents. well i talked to her lastnight. i asked if there was anything i or we could do to work through this. she said no that too much has been done in the past. she said had i not have called the police that night we could make it work. she said it hurt her to the core for them children to see her being taken off. so here i am blaming myself. i audio recorded her that night and on a couple of other occations. she went and told everyone we knew that i pushed her to that point the night the police came. and that i shoved her to the ground. which wasnt true. so i let most of them hear the tape to clear myself. well this has also backfired on me. my wife said she doesnt know who to trust looking over her shoulder worring. she said she is too hurt to work things out with me. she wants me to just move on and date if i have to make it easier on me. she said i love you and i miss you but you just have to let me go. just be the daddy you used to be to them kids. she cried i cried. i dont know what to do. i talked to her sister later on that night and she said just give her a couple months. she said she is still mad about eveything and that she cant make rational decisions untill she get over being mad. she said steve just give her time thats all i can say. so i guess all i can do now is be there for her if she needs me to watch the kids and spend as much time as i can with my kids. and try not to upset her anymore. what do you think?


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## kaelcarp (Aug 2, 2007)

Obviously, the first situation that has to be addressed, I think, is the drinking. Of course, in order to do that, the parental issue has to be addressed as well, since they are enabling her.

In some ways, I am going through similar things with my wife now (not the drinking, but the parental issues), only I am the one with the parental issues. It is very difficult to break from one's parents when they have been steady providers for one's whole life. I know because that's what I've had. They have helped me through lots of crises, and I feel indebted to them. And that indebtedness hinders my ability to separate from them and deal with issues between them and my spouse.

Perhaps the best thing would be to seek counseling, if she is willing. Sometimes a third party is needed to set things straight in the mind of the other person if she can't bring herself to listen to you.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

i asked her that night. i said if i set us up with a couceler would you be willing to go and she said no. my wife has never admited to her faults. she allways figures out a way to turn it around make it seem as if it is my fault. like saying the police issue is what did us in. that i ruined the marriage by calling them that night. question here though. she said it hurt her to the core for them children to see her being taken off by the sheriff. ok what about what SHE put the children through that night? what she put me through? these are questions she will not answer. she is the one that got drunk, she is the one who started screaaming, she is the one that hit me numerous times. in my eyes she called them on herself. i think she hates me because i am the only one in her life that points out the fact that she has a serious anger and drinking problem. if the situation was reversed and i was hitting her it would be perfectly fine for her to call them on me. if that did happen i would hate myself not her. so here i sit. i have gone from a quarter million dollar house to a single wide. a family to am empty house. i just dont see how anyone can live and love someone for almost seven years and forget about them like they were never there. do you people think i just need to move on in my life as she suggested? or should i wait?


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

her is a couple examples of her mother causing problems. she GAVE us 50 grand to put down on our house. she said she didnt want us to have to worry or fight over money in the future and that the kids needed plenty of land to play on. so we bought the house. well the next week my father in law gets the bank statement in the mail. he is furious. he knew nothing of the transaction. then mother in law says she LOANED us the money to cover her butt. so my wife had to hear daily of how they wanted their money back. this caused problems with us at home every week. when our other house sold i gave them 10 back and told them to leave us alone for a while. you see my mother in law is where my wife gets he lieing from. she lied about the money then gets caught and puts it off on us as a loan. second example. my wife wanted a pool shortly after we bought the house and i told her to wait till tax time cause we still had to get adjusted to the higher monthly costs of the house and payment. so she goes to her mothers for the weekend and comes home with a pool two days later. she said he dad loaned her the money and she was paying him back 100 bucks a week till it was paid for. so i became furious and irate. i asked her what we were gonna do to make up for the 400 a month and she shrugs her shoulders. so 3 weeks later i caught her dad alone and asked him why he loaned her the money without consulting me and he said laughing. her mother gave her the money. so i thought about it. her and her mother came up with the lie so i wouldnt get mad. why lie about it? what made me mad was that everytime she was over and we had company she would say how do you like the pool i bought for them? GRRRRRRR


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

ok one more. my wife had a honda passport when we met. we had a hudge snow storm (for sc that is(i am from Pa)) well i let her drive my truck and i took the passport cause the tires were bald. well on the way home i rolled it. i felt bad about it so i told her she could have any car she wanted and to let me know. she wanted a toyota camry. so in 2002 i bought her a brand new one. i was stupid enough to put it in her name all the while i was the one making the payments. well i owed 6 more months on it and what does she do? she trades it in on a tahoe. without asking me. so i told her the payments are hers now since she didnt take it up with me first. this caused a big blowup with us. i told her not to make any major purchases without consulting me from now on. well we bought the new house in march of 2006. one month after staying there she started to complain about the gas prices. i told her she couldnt justify a new car payment to save 40 bucks a month on gas. so what does she do? she goes trades the tahoe in for a small mazda! then runs to her mothers for 2 days. i pull up at her parents and ask whose car that is? my mother in law responds that would be your wifes. then they sat there and told me how it got 45 miles to gallon. so i walked out got the sticker out of the glove box and asked them where it said 45. i told then it says 27 on the highway but not 45. i said you had better not ever do this again. so 3 months later she comes home with a van. her mother co-signed for it with her. now get this. after my father in law learns about it my mother in law goes and tells the hwole family that my wife forged her name. now the above three examples are all from the last 10 months. do i have a reson to be mad or am i just being a butthole?


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

man you know the more i read about what i just wrote this might be the right thing to do. what is killing me right now is how i am so upset. i have lost 20lbs in the last two months. i cried myself to sleep for the first month. how can this be killing me and her be just like all peachy and stuff? i just dont understand. her sister says it is bothering her but no one can tell. should i wait and see what the next couple months hold or should i simply move on? she said she is done and there is nothing there. i am not going to get my children eveeryday like i have been simply beacuse all she is doing is using me as a baby sitter till she gets off work. i pay child support so why should i have to feed my little girl and my step-son on a daily basis and cart them around to please her. dont get me wrong i love the kids and i do want to see them everyday but i cannot continue to let her run all over me. she has to grow up and be an adult sooner or later. she wanted primary custody of my girl so if you ask me she needs to be a primary caregiver. if she doesnt want to be then we can just go back to court. should i wait and hpe on the next couple months or should i move on?


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## trick-r-treat (Jul 3, 2007)

First of all, it sounds like she has issues that only she can work on. She has obviously been spoiled all her life. You don't need to give in to all of that. She has to learn how to do some things for herself. You might just have to sit back and let her stumble and fall until she figures it out. Remember: if you love someone, let them go. If it was meant to be, they will come back. If not, then they were never yours in the first place.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

that is what i am going to do. she went to the sitters yesterday and talked about the letter i wrote. the sitter said there was nothing positive or negative said about it but that she did bring it up. so i am guessing she is still thinking about me. if she wasnt she wouldnt bring anything about me up. lastnight and this morning were really bad for me and when i woke up i felt really good about today. i called her about some bills and she was really nice. probibly the best conversation we have had since the split. i called her back a little later to talk to the kids and they were in the middle of playing with their friends and didnt want to talk. i said for them to be careful on the river this weekend and she said we will. she said i will ask haily if she wants to talk to you later tonight before she goes to bed and if she does i will call you so you can talk. is she being so nice because she is starting to think? i havent said i love you or really even talked to her since monday night. or is it she has just moving on and realizes nice is for the best. one more thing the grass is knee high at home. i have the lawnmower with me at my place and i am not allowed on the property at her house. i want so bad to take the mower back to her or ask her if i can come over and cut it. what should i do? let her handle it on here own?


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## ImaginativeResource (Aug 4, 2007)

Wow, you are completely consumed, mentally, physically and emotionally by this in a negative way... Your posts are very desparate like, which I can tell is how you feel... First off, you need to take a moment to remove yourself from the situation... Looking from the outside in, this is a women that is not in a state that most would be fighting, scratching and clawing to get back with... 

Being that you are so desparate to be with her, I hope you are not pushing your feelings about this onto your children when you are with them, for they do not need to be put in the middle. 

You videotaped her during her outburst? And then played it to others for proof? But that was not your intention? Why would you videotape her in the first place. That is not something I would want to ever see again, if it was someone I loved, nor others. 

I think you really need to find yourself again... I think your "soul" is completely overcast by your egoself. You are so weak now... Get out of this "drama" while you're not living there! You do not have any confidence or strenght within yourself now, nor did you when you were with her because she was looking for it and ran to her parents for it... 

This is very important: If you really want your relationship to work, you must find "true" confidence within yourself... You need to go and make a life for yourself where you don't need other's to help you support it... You speak of your little "single wide" that your living in, from your quarter million, in the negative. This is a home that you are supporting all by yourself with no help from anyone... I believe that you like the "high rolling" lifestyle that her parents helped to provide you with... Stop living so materialistically... Be proud of what you are now doing on your own, for there are many in worse boats than you!!! Be proud of EVERYTHING you do!!! 

If you can bring your focus back into you, you will see that the world is a HUGE and MAGNIFICENT place where there are no boundaries or limitations! I hope you do find yourself, and might I add, if you do, don't be surprised if you decide to go a different route!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

first of all i video taped my wife on only one occation. on this occation she was drunk threw two lamps at me because i told her my family was comming up to visit for the weekend. after throwing the lamps i got ready to leave for work early so i didnt have to argue with her. well on the way to my truck she followed me. grabbed a steel pipe and beat the door in. while beating my truck she stopped and said why dont you tape this. so i recorded it on my cell phone. well when i came home from work and went to sleep her and her sister broke into my truck on mothers day and deleted it. the only reason i taped her was to show her how she was acting.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

secondly after the video got deleted i bought a audio recorder. i recorded her on numerous times screaming at the children, calling me a sob in front of them. no one in this world would have heard the recording from the night i called the police if she wouldnt have started lie's. she told everyone i had my children at a friends house and that he had 5 women over there. first lie. she told them i came home and shoved her around and pushed her on the ground infront of the kids. second lie. so everyone is asking me if i really did that and they started to distance there sef from me. so i let them hear that particular recording to set myself free.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

i do not take pride in materialistic things. the only new thing i own is a truck. everything i had is old and worn out. i only go shoping for clothes when i run out. i am not cheap just dont need much to survive. i am happy in my single wide. what i was impling was it makes me sick that i did all f these things for my wife over the years and she didnt appreciate them because of how she was raised. my marriage was built on a rocky foundation and we somehow found love. i just dont want to let it go. bring my children into this? not hardly. my kids have told he they miss me and they want me to come home. she doesnt make sure they brush their teeth in the mornings. she doesnt play with them. my kids come over my house and they dont want to leave. they leave cause they have to. this honestly might be the best thing for me. it hurts now but it might be best


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

one more thing. i have never asked her parents for anything. they wanted to give us 100 grand for the house and i told them no. when i met my wife they paid all her bills. when i moved in i took them over. i was stupid at first. but the longer i watched and listened alot became clear. ok. my mother in law will not kiss my father in law cause she thinks its nasty. my wife was raised with that instilled in her head. my mother in law said she had no intrest in him until she found out he owned two buisness. my wifes problem i think isnt so much me i think it is disrespect for a man. the way she was raised. if you knew the half of you would be very very shocked. you are right when you say i have lost myself. i will tottaly agree with that. the mind state i am in now is not good for me. after this weekend i am going ack to them gym to help get things off my mind. i am not keeping myself busy enough.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well i got off work this morning and did alot of thinking. i realized that i am stuck on all the negative that has happened in the last 7 years. so from today i am focusing on positive things. am i crazy thinking my wife would want to get back together with a emotional basket case? i have been in a great mood today and my wife called me on the way home from her parents and said my little girl wanted to stop and say hello. now i dont dought she would say that but i think it was more of my wife wanting to check on me. she has been really nice in the last 5 days to me. i asked her if i could come and cut the grass and she almost said yes. by court i am not allowed on the property unless she says so. i think she held off cause she is worried about what her parents think. i told her to let me know if there is anything i can do for her to just let me know. i said i love you and goodbye. i felt really good about it. i think both of us have realized our mistakes throught our marriage and i just dont know if she is willing to salviage it. i dont know if she is being so nice cause she misses me or because she knows that nice is what works best. i just dont know. i guess i wil have to give it time and see...... any pointers on how i can handle this from here would be greatly appreciated! my sister in law suggested some annoymous flowers sent to her work?


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Sounds like things are getting better, but please be cautious. I don't want to be a downer, but if you were a woman, I would say "get the hell out of this abusive relationship!" I guess it shouldn't matter, male or female, though. She may just be happier at her parents' house because she has access to the money for the stuff she wants through her mother. I don't know either of you though, so if you really, truly, think that she's had a change of heart, that's wonderful! You seem like a really good guy, though and I'd just hate to see you get stomped on again. 
Good luck!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well lastnight we came to the agreement that she would come get the mower and use my truck to take it home to use then bring it back. i talked to her this morning and said i would get the kids and told her to have a good day. well at 430 my brother in law called and said what is going on with the mower? i said jennifer is getting it today when she gets off. he said well amanda(my wifes sister) said she wanted me to go get it and take it to the house. he said her dad wants me to do it. so i guess what happened was jennifer went to work and told her mother about the exchange and her mother probibly told her not to do it and to not depend on me anymore. the thing that made me mad is she involved them. this marriage has nothing to do with them or anyone but me and her. this is why we are going through this now. she tells them everything about us. they make comments and she beleives their commets. so she calls me at 540. i am off work now and i was gonna come get the kids. so i was thinking. she must not have told her mother that i was getting the kids and used that excuse to get off. well she gets to my house and i ask about the lawnmower deal. she said i will just get it wed. i said how. she said i am getting daddy's truck. i asked why. she said well my car is going back wed. cause i cant afford it. i said oh. well i walked out to my truck got a news article and gave it to her. she asked what it was and i said just something for you to read and think about. walked in the house and shut the door. she sat in the driveway and read it and then left. well at 7pm josh(her sister man) calls me and says that her dad called her mother and told her off cause she let jennifer off early. man oh man the drama in this family. so what steps do i take next people? i really dont know what to do now. i think the best thing to do is just back off and let the lawyers handle it. can anyone give me some pointers? the article from which i am speaking of said this " when you bring children into this world, divorce is not an option for unhappiness. FIXING it is." " you shouldnt get divorced until every rock has been turned over" can anyone help?


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Hi Steve, 
I think the divorce thing completely depends on the couple/situation. I have 2 step sons and yes, having divorced parents was hard on them (and still is for the oldest at times), but IMO what's most important is that they're raised knowing that BOTH parents love them, no matter what. If you and your wife were to stay together "just for the kids", what kind of household will they grow up in? Kids are super intuitive and no matter how hard we parents try to keep it from them, they know when Mom and Dad aren't getting along, and it's hard on them. Arggg! It's so tough! 
I also think that your wife's family is WAY too involved in your marriage. Holy cow! I certainly would not be able to deal with that. I think I'd give the ultimatum of either move away from the family and "start fresh", or we split, because you chose to spend the rest of your life, every day, with HER, NOT her PARENTS. I probably should have organized my thoughts a bit more, but, man, I just feel for you. You seem like a responsible, genuine guy, and it seems your wife has a lot of growing up to do. Just because you give birth, doesn't mean that you're mature enough to handle the necessities of a good marriage. Divorce sucks, but sometimes even with children involved it's best in order for the parents to be good parents, and that's really what the kids need most.
Good luck! Keep posting if you need to!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

i am not being egotistical but the whole family outside of her parents could not beleive i have made it as far as i have. my thing i dont have any family here. no support other then friends and the only person i feel comfortable opening up to is my wife. i have no problem getting on here and spilling my heart out to strangers because we are not face to face. i will never meet you and it doesnt bother me. my wife wants to work this out i know she does. if she didnt she would ask some of the questions that she does. she wouldnt call my cell and not leave a message. she is so scared to go against her parents. thats what eats me up. if she did go against them i know it would be the kicker for them and we could live happy. they would back off for good. i called the house at 845 to speak to my kids before bedtime. it was busy so i left a message on her cell. tried back at 9 and phone was busy. called the cell and she answered. she said they were allready in the bed. the only thing she asked me was if i was getting them tomorrow. i said i dont know i will let you know. ya see she wants me to get them so she doesnt have to handle the responsibility. or she uses them as an excuse to see me. is there anything else i can do to make her realize i am here for her?


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

i should say this is the ultimate question. my wife said her vows to me when we got married. she swore to them. how can i not so much as make me choose her parents over me but how can i gety her to depend on me know everything will be ok by trusting in me?


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

I find that when my h talks to me about what's gone on in his day, how he feels about whatever family "drama" is going on (usually with one of our sets of parents there's something brewing) or just the stuff that I know he really doesn't want to talk about, or just is open with me about all that yucky stuff guys don't like to share, it reminds me that he does need me and cherish me as a friend and confidant. I feel much closer to him in that he'll share with me those things that I know he won't share with others. Also, when he'll listen to me talk about stuff like that. I'm the sensitive one, and when something's going on in the family I worry and need someone to talk it over with. I appreciate him being there for me, even though I know he really doesn't care much whether my sister is speaking to my dad at the moment or not! lol
Is that the kind of "trust" you're getting at?


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

ok last night i figured out that the one way to save this was through her parents. i worte the a leet. whaMartha and Willard


Back in April of 2001 I met your daughter. I was stopping buy to buy a bottle of liquor. I had no intentions on meeting the woman of my dreams. That day when Shelia told me they didn’t accept debt cards I was shocked. When I left out of the store I could not believe the beautiful woman I had seen standing at the end of the counter. I had to go to the atm and get money out just so I could see her one more time. When I walked back in the store this beautiful woman waited on me and I headed to my car. All the while I was being followed by another woman. This woman asked if was married and I responded no, and then asked why? She said well that pretty little ole blonde in there just thinks your cute. I said well if she really does go back in there and tell her to come out here and talk to me. Well this woman came out to my car and the first thing I asked her was if she was serious or if they were playing a trick on me. She said no I am serious. I said well give me your number and I will call you later. When I got home I could not believe how such a beautiful woman would have interest in me. Just the way she carried herself at the time made me happy. Well later that night I learned that she had a son. His name was Tyler. I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner and and she said yes let me find a baby sitter. I said no you do not need to get a baby sitter. I said just bring him along. He is a part of you and I want to meet all of you. I cannot remember what day it was I think It was on April 5 when we first went to dinner at Applebee’s. the thing I remember most about that evening is Tyler throwing a chicken tender down the walkway and Jennifer saying don’t do that and I was laughing my butt off. She was so concerned at the time about his actions and I knew how children are and didn’t hold that against her. We had a great time and we went our separate ways for the night. Well two days later I invited Jennifer over to my place and I was going to cook her and Tyler dinner on me. Well when she arrived Tyler was running around my apt. having a good old time. It didn’t bother me a bit but Jennifer was getting aggravated and then he started to spit on my couch and I was laughing at him. Jennifer grabbed him and went down to her car. I followed her down and when we got her car she began to cry. She said I am sorry we will just go home because he is acting like this. I said no worry I will get all the things I was going to cook and bring them to your house and we can cook there. Well from that day on think me and Jennifer really clicked. We fell hard and fast for each other and only god knows why. I can not sit here and say we were meant to be together but I can say that I love your daughter with all my heart. She is not perfect and neither am I. we got married for all the wrong reasons but we seemed to find love and happiness in the end. Our relationship has had its share of ups and downs. But in the end of every arguments or disagreement me and her always found love again. Martha and Willard back in November of 2001 you gave me the right to marry you daughter. Martha you were the only witness to this. On that day you gave me your daughter. You trusted me with her. “to have and told from this day forward, fore better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish.” those are very very powerful words right there. I was young I was scared when I said those words. Martha Jennifer was too. I am sure you remember her crying that day. Willard when I got back to the store you told me I had better get back to work and make some money cause she was all mine now. I did, I went back to work. I have gone back everyday since. To provide what ever I could for her to make her happy. To provide for my family. When I left out of the house that Saturday there was one picture on the fridge that has been there since me and Jennifer were only two weeks into our relationship. It is a picture of me sitting in front of the stove holding Tyler. I don’t know if it still up there now but it was when I left. Jennifer called me about a guitar that my dad had got for me 8 years ago after I had moved out. I told her to give it to Tyler and that I left it for him. She asked why because it had so much sentimental value to it. I said Jennifer, Tyler is the only son I have in my life and I want to hand it down to him. I have no use for it and he will and has played with it more than I have. You see I have come from a broken home. It is no happy place. My mother did everything in her power when I was a child to make sure I saw my dad. She would take me to see him. He has a lot of problems and I have learned to accept them and forgive him for the past but it wasn’t enjoying. When I turned 18 I asked my mother why they didn’t work out. I then found out it was because of abuse on his part. She told me he has a disease that he cannot control and there was no other way to handle it other than divorce. She said I am sorry it happened and you just remember he loves you even though he doesn’t act like it always. There is a lot about my past that not many people do not know. From that day on I made a promise to myself to never bring a child into this world without doing everything I could to make sure mommy and daddy were still together. When I went to baseball practice or football I always looked out into the stands. My mother was always there. But my father wasn’t. I could never understand that. You see with Tyler that’s what I think every time I think about what is happening now. Tyler loves me more than he loves DJ I think. Everyday he say’s Steve I wish you could come home. How am I supposed to answer those comments? What do I say? I am sorry Tyler me and your mother cant get along? No that is not what I am going to say. I will comfort him. You know if we get this divorce I will still be there in the stands. I want you two to think about this. There is no other person in this world that has supported that child more than me. I don’t mean that in a rude way but I am serious. You two have a business to run and I understand that. I will not hold that against you. The only time I missed a practice or a game was when I was on second shift. If I could take them days off I would. I have always wanted to coach him but couldn’t because of haily being too young to let roam. Tyler is my son. I can say that without second thinking. I love him and I think you two know that. I shouldn’t have to prove that to you. Haily is my daughter but I do not love her anymore than I do Tyler. In my heart they are equal. I have known Tyler longer than I have haily. Now lets talk about your daughter. Jennifer is amazing. She can make me smile when I am upset she can make me mad at the drop of a dime. She knows how to push my buttons and I know how to push hers. We do argue a lot but all that can be fixed. When we left out of counseling Dee told us not to buy a new house. We were not done. We just quit going cause we thought we were done. We were happy at first but once the money became tight we began to argue a lot more. We should have never accepted the money from you two. that’s another thing. People always told me you two were loaded. You see money never meant anything to me my whole life. I never had it as a child. I have worked since I was 11 years old on a paper route. Riding my bike delivering papers. When it came time for me to drive I waited till I was 17 to get my license. I took my driving course in the car that I bought with my hard earned money. When I got behind the wheel I was responsible for my gas and any costs. Driving was a privilege to me. Now how does that all fit in? Willard me and you sat on your screened in porch after you had your surgery. You sat there and told me about all the money you have made in your life time. The millions and millions of dollars that aren’t accounted for. You said is wasn’t blown but it was used for good purposes for the children. You said you wanted them to have anything they wanted and to never want. You sir said all of these things and you had a tear running down your face. You made it a point to get me outside that day and actually sent haily back in the house when she came out. I don’t know why you opened up to me that day. You see in the last 3.5 years working at bowater I figured this much about life. Money cannot buy you happiness. If I could get my old job back and be home with my family everyday I would. I would rather be poor how I was raised and have all the love in the world. To me money is nothing. It is just paper. The more you make the more you spend the bigger your problems. Money comes and goes in your life but when the money is gone who do you have left to make you happy? Love however comes around only when the stars align. This is what I think about every time I work second shift. Why should I be at work when I have three people at home who love me. Martha I know Jennifer took that letter to the store and let all of you read it. Well that’s me in a nut shell. You said you feel sorry for me. From what I heard it made you cry. Do not feel sorry for me. I am a grown man. I will heal. If you are going to be sorry for anyone you be sorry for them children. Children are the only ones who get hurt in divorce. Like the judge said that day in court. He said people always talk about how they came out better but in fact the children always come in last. I did not want this divorce. Jennifer did not want this divorce. If you want proof I will prove it too you. The day before I a called the police she told me she didn’t. she told me. I think that’s why she reacted the way she did the next day. She was lost and helpless. She didn’t know what to do. Jennifer loves me I know she does and I know she doesn’t want this still. I honestly think she is holding back from stopping it because she doesn’t think you two will accept it. As a matter of fact I know that is what it is. Yes I have a audio tape of what happened that night and yes I have used it to make clear my name with people who asked about that night. I did not tape her that night or call the police that night to use it against her in court or to prove her unfit.I didn’t have a lawyer or a consultation until Jennifer told me she had one. I had no intention on leaving her. I know Jennifer. Maybe better than you two now. I wanted to play it back to her so she would realize what we were going through. That we needed more help. Amanda has heard the tape. As a matter of fact she is the first one who even knew about it. I cried on the phone with her that day after listening to it. She did too. I was wrong for calling the police that night and if I could make it disappear I would. But lets just say it was me doing that to your daughter. Would she be in the wrong for calling them on me? No. she wouldn’t. when I learned of how my dad treated my mother I made a vow with myself to never put my hands on a woman. Yes I have held Jennifer before to keep her from flipping out further. But it was never in anyway meant to hurt her. Jennifer is scared to give me all of her. I do not know why. I think she is scared to go against you two. You have done everything for her for the last 29 years and I cannot compete with that………….. What I can promise you is that I will do everything in my power to make sure she is happy when you two are gone. There isn’t many good people in this world and I realize now going through this I do have many faults of my own but I love you daughter and I do not want to loose her. I do not want to loose my family. If we could go back to counseling and learn how to better deal with our anger we could be happy. We are happy together. No she doesn’t need me and I don’t need her. But you two gave her to me years ago. Do not take her from me now. We can fix this. When I called the police she let you guys take over her life. We have so much money tied up in this right now it doesn’t seem right to go back now but trust me it would be worth it. We owe this to our children to work this out. We can sell the house give your money back, give the attorney fees back. Pay my mother back. Be broke and start over by ourselves. With my family. If my mother knew what I was doing right now she would be mad at me. But you know what I don’t care what she thinks. She is not the one who will or who has made me happy in the last 7 years. Other than my mother everyone in my family thinks we need to plow through this and make it work. I even told my mother I was doing the wrong thing. All she said was do what’s in your heart Steve. She said I raised you the best way I knew how you are your own man now, I am very proud of you and you have a family to look after. DO NOT LET THEM DOWN. They need you more than you know. You see this is what makes me keep hoping and praying for this to not go through. I will say this too. I will not quit until the papers are signed. I want to spend my life with Jennifer. You two think we are not good for each other. This is my hold up. I talked about my childhood above. When haily or Tyler comes up to me and asks why me and momma didn’t stay together what am I going to say? We argued too much? The truth is we never tried to fix us. We were too selfish. We never put you kids first in our life. We never over turned over every rock in our problems to find the solution. We never tried. We just gave up. Martha and Willard. All I am asking is for you two to think about this. There is still time for us to go see someone and try to fix our issues. We both miss each other. You gave me your daughter 6 years ago and I am asking for your blessing to try to patch this up. If we don’t succeed then fine. We can say we did everything in our power. We can say we tried. I want to apologize for the phone call I made to you two a couple months ago. I was blaming everyone else but myself at the time for our problems. You two have loved me for 6 years and learned to hate me in 3 months. Why? Martha you have always told me that Willard has said that no matter what if something happened to me and Jennifer that I would always be his son. I am not begging I am not pleading with you. I just want to make right what me and her have made wrong. If you would just give us three months to talk about this to Dee or anyone I believe we can fix this. When we went the first time me and her never gave it our all. We don’t have to postpone anything. We can remain separated for all I care. I will live here. She can live there. I will not ever hold our problems over the kids head. I just want one more chance. Let me have it and I will show you me and her are perfect together. Thank you for you time and my door is always open to you two also. I want to be there for your daughter when you two are gone. I want to make our vows last forever. Thank you and regardless of what you think I love you two.



Your favorite son in law,
Stevet do you think?


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Wow! What a beautiful, well thought out, and well written letter! If one of my sons' wives wrote that to me, I would run to their door to hug them and appologize for interfering. I sure hope this letter helps you. I'm so proud of you! Keep us posted as to how it goes!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well i droped the letter off with her mother at 705pm tonight. i really dont know how they are going to take it or if they will use it to their advantage. they might not even tell my wife about it. i really dont know. i guess all i can do is hope for the best. if i dont get a responce in the next couple weeks i am moving on in my life.


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Hi Steve! Good for you! What courage! I hate to say it, but if you get no response from a heartfelt letter like that, then yes, I think you need to at least work on moving on. I'm so sorry you're in such a tough situation! 
Hang in there though!
~Sarah


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well i handed the wife another letter today when she brought my kids for the night.

Jennifer, 


Enclosed is a letter I handed your mother yesterday for her and you father to read. I don’t know if they told you about it or even let you read it. Baby you tell me you are done and that you want me to move on with my life. Out of all the things me and you have been through in our relationship we should work this out. I Love You. You told me that you still love me. Jennifer if you still love me then there is hope. The only person that knows about the letter that I gave them is me and them. Do not be scared to work on us because of them. Jennifer they will not be here the rest of your life and you need to think for yourself. I know it is scary to think about depending on yourself and me but you must start making yourself happy and quit worrying what they think. Jennifer they are your parents they will accept and decisions you make in your life no matter what just as my mother would if me and you work this out. That’s why I am doing what I am now. Because at first yes I thought we needed separated. I did not however think that we should get divorced. We just needed time apart so we could heal ourselves and realize what we have before it is gone. Jennifer people make things work over very much more than this. The only problem me and you have is communication. That’s all. We have to learn how to argue the right way also. There is nothing wrong with arguing. Just think about how much your parents argue about things. Almost daily from what I remember. The problem with me and you is we never make up. We never say we are sorry. I have swallowed all of my pride in the last two days by writing a letter to your parents. Doesn’t matter to me. I am doing what I think is the right thing to do. I want to make me happy from now on. If I don’t make the attempt to salvage us I will never live it down or forgive myself. I want to be with you Jennifer. No one else. I love you. I know might not have always showed you but I did the best I could. I do have my faults and I am learning to correct some of my ways. We made a mistake by trying to move up too fast. We were happy on forest creek drive. The kids we happy. We were a family. We still are a family. I know you mad and I know your confused right now. I am sure there is a lot of people telling you to go through with as is the same thing happening to me. Do what’s in your heart Jennifer. You love me I know you do. There is no way you cant, you spent 6 years of your life with me and brought a child into this world for me. You are doing the right thing by moving on in your carrier and I commend you for that. Please just stop doing and thinking for one minute and think. Think about how we came about, how we fell in love, how we make each other happy. Stop thinking about all the negative and think about the positive. It far out weighs the negative. Jennifer me and you can be happy. It will take a lot of work yes but it can happen and if I had any doubts I wouldn’t be trying to save us. Do not be scared about this. We can go behind everyone’s back about this. We don’t have to tell anyone that we are trying to fix us. No one. It can be our secret. All I want from you is to think. You can hate me if you want to but love if you can. I have never stopped loving you. When I tried to get you to go to dinner on that Saturday before the court hearing it was because of this. I wanted to tell you how I felt and that I thought we were doing the wrong thing. Jennifer if you were truly done with me you could look me in the eye. You could come and tell me to my face that we are done. I think you are just mad, upset and confused right now. That is perfectly acceptable. Listen to your heart and not what you hear. We fell in love for a reason. If we were not compatible we would have not have made it as long as we have. We screwed up and told everyone our problems and then they began to tell us what they wanted us to do instead of what we wanted to do. Jennifer right now I know our trust is shot. But believe me if you are scared no one will accept me and you working things out you are wrong. What doesn’t break us up will make us stronger. that’s what makes a marriage strong. To be able to get through the bad times. Our children love us together. There is nothing like pulling into a driveway knowing that you and them are there loving me always. Jennifer please don’t be scared. I love you. Trust me with you. I will not let you down. I want you to love and cherish me how you do your mother. Jennifer they will not be there forever but I can however promise to you that I will till the day I die. I said those vows on November 30, 2001. I will stick by them. Lets be the happy family we once were. I love you and just think. Do not be scared to knock on my door. You would be the best thing to ever come to my door. I can sit here and write all the letters in the world, and I will if that’s what it takes then fine. I haven’t gave up yet Jennifer. Please don’t give up on us, please don’t give up on our family. I love you. I asked for a hug last week and I never got it. Please can I just have a hug? I wanted to cut the grass for you. Jennifer no one has to know about anything we do and they wont unless you tell them. From now on what me and you talk about or do from this day out will be secretive to me. If you want to take this and show everyone then fine. But if you want to talk to me then do it. don’t be scared. No more phone calls. No more. If we are going to talk about us anymore I want it to be face to face. If you want to pull into my driveway tonight when the kids are here then do it. Do you know how happy they would be to see us happy again? Just think about a big group hug! If you want to show up here tonight after they are in the bed just text me and tell me. Jennifer me and you need to sit down and talk. that’s all I want to talk, face to face. I love you…………….





she called me and said that she didnt have any trust in me because of the recordings. she said she needs to do this for her. she said steve you know me, once my trust is gone i am done with you. she said i want you to move on. she said my parents are not the ones holding me back. this is my decision. i told her i understand the trust issue and that we could talk to someone about us. she said she didnt want to and that there is nothing we can do to repair it. so what do i do now? is there anyway to prove to her that i am still trustworthy?


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well its been a couple days and alot has happened. i kept my girl and step son wed. night. well thursday he wanted to go home and the wife made all kind of excuses to talk him into staying. long story short he called her crying saying he wanted to come home. she told me he was gonna have to do things he doesnt want to do. she said she would call back at 930. son stayed up till 10 waiting on her and she never called. i told her he wasnt my respon. and she never called. she went to the bar or something. well i told her momma the next day about it and she ripped her butt. then i learned she had been runnig to charlotte and columbia on friday and saturday nights. then i found out she has been fueding with her mother in the last week and that she got slam drunk at their house last friday. so drunk she couldnt make it up the stairs. he mother blessed her out. she told me that she didnt think her daughter would ever be happy. she said thank you for the letter and that she wished it would work its self out. well i told her how sorry her daughter was. the wife never called till 850am the next day and i blessed her out. told her how sorry she was. well she couldnt look at me the next day. she knows she ruined this. she knowssssssssssssss. thats all i have to say. i have washed my hands of her!


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Hi Steve!
I guess you got your answer, huh? I'm sorry it's turned out this way. How are you doing?


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

the soap opera continues again! well i pick my kids up from daycare for a couple hours monday. well they proceed to tell me about shawn. how he rode them on the jet ski. well when i took the kids back i went to the sitters cause lisa was there 2 weekends ago when shawn first appeared. she told me that it seemed like they were just friends. she said the never locked eyes or touched or kissed or anything. just like friends she said. i said well this is the guy she dated before me and her got together so i know he is only wanting one thing from her. well long story short that friday night i talked about when she got drunk was one of the nights when he was there. lisa said my wife threw up all over the table later that night and she took her in to go to bed. she said when she came out that shawn told her that this was the second date that they have set up and she ruined it just like she did the last one. then she tells me that my mother in law brang this guy a bottle of liquor.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well left soon after she went to bed. he came over sat and sunday too. same thing no interaction between the two other than friends. well he came over this past weekend also and this is the one the kids told me about. well i called off work lastnight cause i just knew if someone said anything out of the way that i would have lost my job. i sent her a text "it's pretty bad when your own children tell you wife is allready seeing someone else. tell shawn i said hello. i look forward to seeing you in court!" well i didnt hear anything at all. i sent this at 330pm. well i head to my neibors for a fish fry and my step son was there. he came over and played with me and then he was leaving. i told him to tell momma i said hello. well 10 minutes after he left on his 4 wheeler my friends wife walks up with the phone. she said its jennifer. i said i dont want to talk to her. she said well she says haily wants you to come over and see her. she hung the phone up. i texted her and said to bring her down the street. she said no come up here. i said no.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

i asked why? she says i want to talk to you about us. i said no. there is nothing to talk about and you make me sick. then she says well i know about your friend too. the one you went on the date with. i text her back and say it was all a lie i made up. i said i did it to find out who i can trust and now i know who i really cant. she said i dont care i just want to talk. i said no, i am going home. i said if you want to talk you do it face to face at my house. she said can i trust you? i said well are you going to act insane? well she wanted me to call her and i said no. i said my door is open, i am getting in the shower, come if you want or not i really dont care. so as i was getting out the shower i looked into the bedroom and she was sitting on the bed. she said me and shawn are friends and thats all. she says he is just helping me through this. i said no he is trying to get into your pants. she said no. i said look guys dont take women in as friends especially if they have allready screwed them. she asked me about the date i went on. i said it was lie. well i sat her on the bed and got the tape recorder out. i pushed play. i said after you get done listening to that 20 minute tape you tell me why i should even consider you.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well i went in there about 15 minutes into it and she was crying and saying i am sorry. i said i didnt want to hear it that the kids did. well we talked. she walked over and huged me. i picked her up and laid her on the bed. and we did the unthinkable. i know i know i was stupid. well the whole time my cell and house phone was ringing off the hook. it was her sister, her parents and her house phone! well we get the kids back into the car and she calls me when she got home. she said daddy just left and me and him got into an argument cause i went to your house. she said i told him i am 29 yearsold and i dont have to ask permission. well then her mom calls. she calls me back at 1230am and we talked till 130am. we decided to each lunch today. well i picked her up from the store and her mother knew about it. we drove to her house which i am not allowed at by court order. got some buns and then went to my house to cook. well we talked and she said that she didnt want me to take last night or today and make it like a false hope. she said i am really really confused right now. she said i dont know what i want.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well we ate and talked some more and i asked for a hug and she laid down on the couch with me. she said i want you to make love to me again. so me being the dumb butt i am i did again. she told me she was sorry for bringing him around the kids and promised it would never happen again. i said look you can do what you want but you are not going to be taking people in and out of them kids lives. i said and your friend shawn, i said you need to leave him alone, all he wants is in your pants. i said you are voulnerable right now and it wouldnt be hard for any man to get in them. i said if you are confused you dont need to talk to me or any man for the matter. well i took her back to work and both of her parents were there. so i am sure she got the belt when she walked in. she said she would call me tonight. i just dont know. seems like to me she wants her cake and wants to eat it too. like she wants to keep me on a string till she findout what she wants to do. but she has done what i thought she would never do. she did what she thought was right and not her parents.


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Well, it seems like she's making some steps in the right direction with her parents, but she won't ever be "free of them" until she moves out of their house, for pete's sake. And quit having sex with her, silly! I know you're totally confused and as much as you'd like to strangle her, you love her. But being intimate with her will only confuse you more. I know you miss the kids, but don't let her dangle them over your head. That's not fair. 

She has some decisions to make. And for what it's worth, I totally agree with you about Shawn. I've made that mistake before. It's a big one. I'm so sorry all this is happening. I was really hoping that you'd get a concrete answer and be able to move on, one way or the other. 

She's probably confused too, but that doesn't mean that you have to pay the price for her not being big enough to quit relying totally on her parents. She's a big girl now. I'm 27 and believe me, there are times I wish I could run to momma and daddy, but they taught me well, and I have to fly on my own. That's the way it should be. 

Keep your chin up. You'll make it through this!

No sex!!!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well that day when i droped her off at the store i asked for a kiss. she said no not here. i said i love you and she said ok bye i will call you later tonight. well she never called. not this morning either. well i came into work and talked to an old friend of mine on the phone. this girl i used to run with before the wife and she is married with two kids. her and her husband went through this same thing 2 times and are now happy. i expressed to her my conscern with shawn and said steve. me and used to have sex 5 times a week. she said we have talked atleast once a year through email to keep up with our marriages. she said i have no intrest in you and you have none in me now. she said we are just friends. she said you need to think about the same thing with jennifer. she could just be confiding in him. she said if she was sleeping with him i would think she would be a little more sercretive than she is. i said i dont know the thought is allways there. she said i dont think she would have slept with him and run to your house and slet with you but ya never know.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well i did what i said i was going to do and not call her and wait on her. well she called me tonight at 620pm. left a voicemail on my cell. said she wanted to ask me about my boxer. i had no clue what she was talking about. so my bro in law called me and we got to talking and he said jennifer asked her sister the other day if she wanted my dog if i didnt. well after we got off the phone i was going crazy. i was thinking i have to let her go. well i got up enough nerve to call her at 8pm. she said the neibor wanted to know if he could use my stud boxer again to breed his dog. she said she wanted to check with me first. she never said anything about getting rid of him. well she kept bringing stuff up to talk to me and she kept asking what was wrong. i just told her. i said look. we cant continue to do this. i said either we are going to work on us or we are going to have to let eachother go. i said i shouldnt have slept with you the other night but i did. she said well i wated to with you. she said i wanted that closeness again.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

i told her yes but you also said not to get false hopes from it. i said do you still love me. she said yes i allways will she said we have a daughter together. i said are you still in love with me. she said i dont know. she said i will say this. right now i am confused and i dont know what to do and the other night made it all the more confusing. she i hate you right now. she said its like a love hate thing at this point in time. she said i want to be with you but i hate you. she said everything that gets said to me from my family.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

i have figured out what it is. i had said some things to her family but by the time it goes from josh-amanda-father in law- mother in law- to my wife it all gets changed aroound to be bad. well she just called me. she wants me to come over after work and she said she doesnt give a darn what her parents think. she said she doesnt care anymore. i told her were not having sex though and she said she agreed she said i just want you to come over here and talk. she said i want you to hold me. so i guess i will fill you peeps in tomorrow on how it goes. i am also thinking that there is nothing going on with shawn either. if there was i dont think she wouold ask me to come over tonight. i will let you know......the saga will continue.................


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

ok now one thing she did say that night on the phone was you told my family i was a drunk. she said i cant go one night without them calling me and asking if i have drank anything. she said i argued with them earlier about asking me. i asked if she was and she said no. well i could tell she had been but i didnt say a word. well well well..............interesting night and day today. ok i went over there. she unlocked the door and went straight back to bed no words spoken. i went in and she said i am so tired. well i looked for the phone and souldnt find it. so i went on the porch to smoke and looked in the ash tray. there were 3 butts from marlboro menthol. neither one of us smoke them. so i will findout tomorrow what kind Shawn smokes from lisa. so i just reach over and squeeze her purse on the counter and i felt minni bottles. i looked and there was 4 empties. well i was going to get into my turck and just leave cause i knew she was lieing. but me being a man i went and got into the bed with her. well we did the unthinkable again. but before you think wrong of me i did it for a reason. so i could get more information and thats all. we got done and she said ok now you need to go before they get up and see you. i was putting my boots back on and i said you sure you havent drank anything? she said no. i said well explain the bottles in your purse. she said i knew i couldnt trust you, they are from like two weeks ago. i said well i just want you to be honest with me. i said i beieve you. even though i dont, i was thinking. i said you have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with me. i got up and she said give me a kiss. she said i will call you tomorrow. i left.
well the next day i sat here thinking i need to go back to the house. so i said i know what i will do. the lawnmower battery is dead so i will head over there call her when i pull into the driveway and tell her i am getting the numbers and it will give me 10 miniutes to get the heck out. so i did only she didnt answer her phone. lololol well i looked everywhere for the spare key my daughter told me was on the porch and didnt find it. well i grabbed the door knob and it was unlocked. i went in. checked the phone. no other calls made but mine at work the night before. no caller id so i guess she doesnt have it now. nothing credable so i start looking for wrote down numbers. i pulled a drawer open and it full of empty minni bottles. long story short. i found over 25 minni bottles. 1/5 bottle empty, 2 pints empty. and i went through two nasty trash bags and found more minni bottles. so there is no telling how many more have been thrown away. now i went though all these very drawers when i moved out so she has only had 41 days to drink all that. 10 of which she was at the lake so that leave 31 days! and i also find SHAWN'S number....bingo that is what i was looking for. so i haul butt back home and pay for a reverse phone book thing. then i findout his name is really harry and that shawn is a nickname. well needless to say i got his address at the lake. and one for columbia. now columbia is where she has been runnig two the first two weeks of the seperation. she said her friend melissa lives there. but two days ago she told me her and melissa were going to spend the night at the river monday night. she said so they wouldnt have as far to drive for the state boards on tuesday morning. i asked whre they were taking them. she said columbia! now why wouldnt she stay at melissa's instead of the lake? well i ran a search on melissa's number and it was registered out of our town. so i am thinking now that she has been going to see him but i still dont know. well today which is friday will be the tell all. i asked her thursday night if she wanted to get dinner or something tongiht and she said no. so if she has to work tomorrow she will most likely take haily to lisas tonight to spend the night and stay tomorrow till she gets off. so if she does i will do a drive by and then if she isnt home i will check her mothers house at the lake and so on untill i find her car. when and if i find it at his residence i will put my PI on her next weekend when i keep both kids for the night. but if she keeps my girl i dont know yet. i am thinking she will drive to her parents house cause she told me tuesday they stay in rock hill everynight but saturday and sunday. so she will most likely leave late when haily falls asleep and meet him down there. now i think he has his kids this weekend also cause he didnt last weekend. so if he does she might go straight to his house. all i know if she gets rid of haily and doesnt call me to come see her she is up to something. i will findout. wether or not he is a friend or not. if he is a friend she has no buisness being at his house late at night. so i guess the truth will kill her or set her free this weekend. if she is in fact seeing him i am going for custody! if she isnt i am addressing the liquor issue. i havent figured how to that cause she isnt gonna quit till she is ready to. so the next two days will be interesting!


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Hi!
First of all, I don't think wrong of you. My marriage isn't perfect, and I'm certainly not perfect! You're a big boy. I'm just trying to help. I'm sorry this is all such a mess still. I'm sure you feel like you're going nuts! The only real suggestion I have is keep an eye on your daughter, as this is all probably hard on her too. Hang in there and keep me posted!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

ok crap hit the fan tonight! i went to the house tonight and changed the lawnmower battery, rounduped the flower beds, fed and watered the dogs, worked on the pool. well i caught wife drinking through he window a couple times. well me and haily left to get some gas for the 4 wheelers. she called twice wanting to know where we were. well got home and i wanted to go out and do the gas and change the security lights. she kept telling me no you can do it tomorrow. she told me she had been drinking and said dont tell. i asked her if she had a problem and she said no. she said alcoholics shake when they wake up for a drink and i said no. well she had to pee and i hit the unlock key on her car went outside and got her cell. well she came out with haily and said did he leave? i said no. well i fooled around doing things and she wouldnt let me out of her sight cause she didnt want me leaving for the night. well i got away from her and i saw that she called me and then him one minute later. well there were two missed calls from him. well she came back out side and please come in. well i said let me water the dogs and i will be in. she went inside. well i looked at her text messages. shwan to her i love u. her to him the same over and over and over. then some that said i need u. then some that say you 2 minute man u suck. on and on and on. well then i get to the night i found out about him. she sent one saying. i love you dont worry about it. well she came outside. i walked around the play house and wouldnt you know it he calls again as i was walking to the house. she said who is calling and i walked around the corner and threw her phone in the woods. she said where is your phone? i said we need to talk. she said about what. i said shawn. she said i still have a place in my heart for him. she said he still loves me from 8 years ago. i said did you sleep with him and she said no. well i called her out on the texts. she said where is your phone. i said here. i turned it on. i said if he is a friend call him now and tell him we have been together all week. she said he knows. i said call hiim, if he is a friend he wont have nothing to say but good i hope u two work it out. she said no i dont have to. she said knew i couldnt trust you. i said do you want me to stay she said yes. i said call him then. she said no. so i left. when i got home i called her parents. i said she has a problem and i know she has been sleeping with shawn. i said dont care about him i am worried about the drinking. i said just go to the house tomorrow and do as i say. i told them where the bottles were and they agreed not to talk to her tonight. her dad said he would get them all tomorrow and we would have a family meeting when the store closes. so i am hoping they dont get the **** and throw it away tomorrow. i think they realize she is a drunk. her mom told me to take haily from her. man oh man. i knew i should hope for the worst in this. i am not mad at shawn. she was a prime target and a ex. he wouldnt answer numerous blocked calls tonight but i did send him some texts saying she had been with me all week and they were blocked also. her mom told me that tuesday when i droped her off at the store that she broke down crying. she told her that she really did love me and she wanted to be with me. i said well martha i have enough to take haily from her. and if this drinking doesnt get resolved i will. she said well i am moving in monday and we allready talked about it. i said yall just get the bottles and i will see you and her tomorrow and we will talk.............................................................


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Poor Steve! I know it's hard, but you're doing the right thing. Hang in there! I'm rooting for you!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

so i thought about this alot lastngiht. here is what i can come up with. she hated me when we seperated. 2 weeks into it he calls her. she is lonely and hurt. and most likely drunk. he tells her he still loves her and yada yada yada. well they bump uglies and she brings him around the kids. ok the whole time she doesnt care about me or the letters and cant look me in the eye. well i findout about him. she runs back to me screws me all week. now she has school on thursday i guess. well she didnt go this thursday. i am thinking thursday is her date day with him and she didnt go. so if she has real feelings for him she would have went to the lake lastnight. well she made it a point last night to tell me that i didnt have to do everything and that i could do it tonight when i came over. she said she wasnt going to the lake. ok now why not if she is head over heals for him? the only thing i can think is she wants me back. and thats why she has done what she has done all week and this weekend. but why has she been talking to him everyday like three times a day at work and texting him all day also if she still wants me? i am now lost in space. anyone figure this one out?


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well she told her parents that she didnt know who's bottles they were and that i must have put them in the house to set her up. her mother believed her. then she told her friend that steve almost had her dad convinced she was an alchy. she said if anyone knew if she was or not i would cause i am her momma. so she has fooled the world again. well sunday i texted her saying the things i do are because i love you and she replied no you dont leave me alone. she replied if you did you wouldnt have done what you did to momma and daddy yesterday. i said i know i dont. i said i wouldnt have let you in monday night, i wouldnt have cooked you lunch, i wouldnt have came to your house wednsday, i wouldnt have came friday. you right i dont care. and i texted back and if you didnt you wouldnt have replied. she replied leave me alone so that was it. now she also told the neibors thursday that me and her were talking and that we probibly will work it out. now what the heck? do i have to worry about her coming back and trying to reel me in again? she is mad at me right now. she is embaressed cause i told her family she is allready sleeping with him. i dont know. i still love the girl and i dont know why! i am going silent from now on and i am going to leave her alone.


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

I think she's playing games with you and trying to "save face" by telling the neighbors you all are working it out. Of course you still love her! Love isn't something that you can choose to feel or not feel. That's not to say that sometimes it doesn't feel as strong and it sometimes takes effort to re-kindle the strong feelings though. I think you're right to leave her alone. I'm sorry you're hurting and she's putting you through this. She probably will try to come back when this other guy decides he doesn't want her, or she by some miracle comes to her senses, but either way it doe not mean you have to be available to her. I'm not saying for you to start seeing someone else, just that you don't have to leave your heart open to her anymore. It'll take time and healing, but you'll be stronger and better for it. Not that that helps much right now, but at least it's something to look forward to!
Keep your chin up, I'm still rooting for you!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well on monday my step son came down tot neibors to see if his son was home. he wasnt and her jumped up in the back of the truck with me. gaveme a hug and kiss and we talked a little. i gave him my cell number and told him to call whenever he wanted. then he left. he never called that night and his nanna was keeping him and haily at the house for the night. so i called tuesday night cause they were starting school on wed. well jennifer answered. i said let me speak to the kids please. she said dont you call here demanding things. i said look i have nothing to say to you i just want to speak to my children. she said first of all you only have one child here. second of all you told my parents i was drinking so i dont hink i will let you talk to them and hung up on me. well i called her sister and ran my mouth to her out of anger. she hangs up with me and 2 minutes later the wife calls and says i am sorry i should have let you talk to haily. i said jennifer the only reason you called back is because amanda just called you and told you i was going to write it down in my log that you wouldnt let me speak to them. she cussed me out and hungup on me. well i called back at 650am wed. morning so i could talk to them before school. she answed i said jennifer. she hungup on me. so at 3pm i text her and asked if i could get the kids. she said just haily and i will pick her up at 6pm. so i called to findout where she was going to pick them up. she said well i was going to pick them up at your house but i am not coming there. she said meet me at exxon. no wait, and i could hear her mother talking in the backround. i said jennifer make up your own mind and quit listening to your mother. she said just bring her here at seven. so i get to daycare and tyler is standing in the door window waving at me. i walk in and he is all over me. he said where we going today? what we gonna do? like bouncing around. i changed the subject and asked him and her about school and then i went into the office with the daycare owner. i asked cathy what i should say to him. she said tell him you want to take him but momma wont let you that way he understands its not you. she said well you know what. she said call her right now and tell her to explain to him why he cant go. well i did and she cused me out and said leave him there i will be there in a little. well i called tyler into the office just me and him. well he allready had his bookbag on and ready to leave. i said take your bag off and come in here. he sat down and i closed the door. we talked about school and i asked if he was going to play football and he said yes and started crying. i said son you know i love you and he shook his head and he climbed up in the chair with me and squeezed me so hard. me and him were both crying. i said do you want to go for a walk? he said yes. well we went outside and we walked to the picinic table. i reached it and turned around and he didnt make it halfway. he just broke down. i got him over to the table and on my lap. i said tyler you know i love you and you know i want to take you everytime i can. he said yes and i just want you to come home. he said i miss you so much and i dont have anyone to play with. i said yes you do you have your mother. he said no she doesnt play with me. he said i love you and hugged me again. i said why didnt you call me the other night? he said i lost your number and when i told nanna i wanted to talk to you she said i couldnt call you. i said well when you get to the store you ask you momma and your nanna why you cant see me anymore. i said tyler it isnt me and its not your fault. well he was crying on my shoulder and cathy came out and said his mother is here. we walked in both still sniffling and tyler was still crying. she walked out with him crying like she didnt have a care in the world. well i came home and wrote one last letter telling her that i know she is mad at me. but to take him away from me is going to hurt him more than anyone. and that if she could see what she is doing to our family that she would understand. well long story short she wouldnt take it. she said i am done with the letters. well she just called my phone and its is 430pm here. she has to go to school tonight from 6-9 so i would be willing to bet she wanted to know if i could keep both of them till she got out. i did answer because i refused to be put through what i was yesterday only to used today. i am not putting up with it anymore. i am going to tighten my chin strap up now. ohh and i went to the doctor and got some anti-depres. meds. i wish i would have went a month ago and might not have lost 25lbs. you know sooner or later she will figure out that the only love this guy has for her is bedroom love. and she will realize that i was one who truely loved her. i just dont know. i dont know if i could consider us now that she has done all this to me.


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

I'm so sorry that you had to go through that with your son. And yes, I say "son" b/c I have two step-sons and I call them my "sons" because it doesn't matter to me whether we share the same DNA or not. I love them just the same, and I can tell you feel the same way about yours. Good thing about that situation at daycare is now you have the daycare owner as a witness to your relationship with Tyler and how Jennifer treated it. Maybe if it comes down to it, the daycare owner can stand up for you. You're right to not let her play games and to not be used by Jennifer. 
Hang in there, you're doing great!


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well i called the wife today to see about getting my daughter. it was my scheduled night but she said she didnt want to come. so i am not going to make her. jennifer said they are going to stay at pam's at the lake tonight and they are going tot he movies tomorrow morning. but here is my thing. she said she told shawn last week to not call her no more. do i believe her? no. she said she got a new cell and number. now why would she do that if she had nothing to hide? we talked about my step son. she said he cried for 30 minutes after they left daycare that day. the other thing she said she had a copy of the email i sent her sister through myspace. she lied about it. cause i deleted my profile just so her sister couldnt read it. so i caught her in that lie. so how the heck do i know she is telling the truth about shawn? she left and i went to the house a little bit ago. there was a shirt in the dirty clother. a dress shirt. not mine and way bigger on me. probibly his. so i dont know if its from before or what. i asked her if she wanted to cook steaks at the house tomorrow when they got home and she said i will think about it. man i am so lost. i asked her to call when they got there and here it is 844 and she hasnt called yet. this trust issue is killing me. knowing he is down there and she is too kills me. i would bet that pam is going to have a party tonight and my kids are staying at her parents. well i just called her. she is at pam's house. woohoooo. the kids are their too. maybe she is done with him. i dont know. all i hope is i get to go home and cook for my family tomorrow at my house.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well they did go to the movies and from what the kids told me about that night(without me asking a single question i might add) they stayed up late playing games and such then went to the movies the next day. well she never called about dinner. well monday i put a thoughtful card in the mailbox and she called me later and wanted me to come down to talk about my daughter. well we talked and while i was there she got a text message i am guessing from him. well i put the kids in the bed. well while we were walking out i asked her some questions and she said. i still love you but i am not in love with you anymore. she said i just so mad about everything right now. she said just quit pushing the issue. so i got a hug and left. well they came over my house the next day for dinner. well she went into my bedroom and listened to my voicemail on th home phone. nothing on there and she made a comment about our friend lisa. well they ate and then left. gave her a card and some fresh cut flowers. well no thanks or nothing. well i took my son with me and we went to the niebors. well they werent home so we went to her house. well i shot his bb gun with him and played with my girl. well at 715 she said you need to go my parents are on their way out here.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well i wne back by the neibors and hungout till 815. still no in laws going by and i texted her asking where they were and she said i dont know i guess they arent comming. well i went home. the next day i text her in the morning and say i love you things and what not. well i found out tonight that she read the outloud to her mother and mothers friend at the store and made some rude comments about me saying i should have thought about that before all of this. well then she showed all of them the darn card i gave her. she didnt tell them about us eating dinner or the flowers and she did put them in a vase on the counter. she was being really nice on the phone tonight but i dont know. i think she is playin me like a fiddle. what do you people think i should do now?


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## Chris H. (Jan 27, 2007)

Steve,

I'm the guy that started Talk About Marriage, and I just wanted to drop in and say thanks for using the site the way you are. I think it's really cool that you are journaling all of this stuff that's going on and getting some feedback now and then. I hope it's been useful for you. Keep it up!

Chris


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## JustMe (Jul 30, 2007)

Hey Steve, 
Sorry I haven't replied in a while...I too, think she's playing you. The major cues to this for me are: She takes your heartfelt and thoughtful cards and letters and shows them to others in a mocking fashion. Not to mention the whole other guy thing! I know you love those kids, and nothing will change that, but I really think it's time you stop thinking of your "relationship" with her as a romantic one. Believe me, I know that is MUCH easier said than done, but she's been ripping your heart out slowly for, how long now?? 
I hope you know by now that I'd never mean to hurt your feelings, but, honey, you've been trying SO hard and all she does is string you along, or throw it in your face! Is that really what you want to spend the rest of your life with? Are you looking at her as the girl you first met/fell in love with, or are you able to step back a bit and really look closely at who she is? I'm not trying to be harsh, I just hate seeing you hurt by her over and over again. 

Keep hanging in there, and keep me posted. 
~Sarah


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## SageMother (Jun 28, 2007)

JustMe said:


> Sounds like things are getting better, but please be cautious. I don't want to be a downer, but if you were a woman, I would say "get the hell out of this abusive relationship!" I guess it shouldn't matter, male or female, though. She may just be happier at her parents' house because she has access to the money for the stuff she wants through her mother. I don't know either of you though, so if you really, truly, think that she's had a change of heart, that's wonderful! You seem like a really good guy, though and I'd just hate to see you get stomped on again.
> Good luck!


I totally agree, and that goes for male as well as female in situations like this. Life is too short to have something like this be your existence.


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

well it was a rocky day yesterday. let me start off by saying it sucked. but i got a new found sence about us. i didnt want to call her yesterday mrning but i had this overwelming urge to so i did. well we talked for a sec and she was really nice and said that her sister was keeping the kids lastnight and that she had to work tomorrow. well we talked about them and school for a little then we hungup after she told me she almost at work. well i jumped in my truck and went to the house. well i noticed new sheets on the bed. so i pulled the covers back and there was a mans t shirt balled up. so i am guessing it is his and he was either there lastnight or she had been sleeping with it all along. she used to sleep with mine when we met when i had to work late. well i went through some drawers after noticing a shot glass in the sink. well i found an empty half pint of liquor. so i know she is still seeing this guy and she is still drinking. well i left and i came home and i sat here thinking. i said i am going to text her and see if she wants to go to dinner and a movie tonight to see what she says. well i did. she said no. i asked if we were done and she said yes i think so. i cannot ever trust you again. i told her i cant trust her either cuase i got her phone and found out the truth about shawn. she said i know about your friend too. so she has everyone thinking that i am messing around on her i guess. anyway i forgot to mention my neibor. when i left the house the day before after droping the house payment off she was up the road and we talked about things. she said she would watch the house when she was home and let me know if he was comming around. and told me she didnt love me if she moved on that quick. well i left. well yesterday morning i passed her again and i stopped. she said i talked to jennifer yesterday. she said she told me that she caught you running around on her with another girl! i said what! she steve i dont believe her i just wanted to let you know what is telling people. so i think its best now just to forget about us and worry about my daughter. there is no sence in wanting someone who doesnt want me. being lied to on a daily basis. being put down. only to have my heart broke many times in the last 2 months. its just not worth it. i feel i have done everything in my power to try to make this work. what scares me is in two or three months she comes running back. i dont know if i will have the courage yet to tell her no. so what i am going to is start dating. i want to see what the world has to offer. i know there is someone out there who will have more respect for me than her. i just dont understand her. i work, i make college level money, i pay all the bills, i take care of my children 80% of the time, i beg for affection but dont get any, i just dont know that she will ever be happy in life. the thing that scares me is my baby girl. jennifer is cut from the same cloth as her mother. she is actually worse about lieing and manipulating than her mother. i do not want my little girl to be brought up that way. it is a scary thought. thanks for all the support people. why dont we listen to people when the tell us the best advice in life? LOVE is a very powerful word and alot of people use it to their advantage. i will keep everyone posted on my progress............steve


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

here is the family


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

i am backkkkkk.... hahahaha well lets just say i am a new person and the wife is still herself. she has done everything from cut me off from my step son to telling her lawyer i am stalking her. she is up to a pint a night now and getting worse. my daughter has grow really close to me in the last two months and i think now even though she is 5 she is seeing things for what they are. i would still like to push for full custody but i have no way of proving her drinking beause she does it behind closed doors. i don tknow if i mentioned that she was attending school but she finished it up only to fail the state boards. she has got her car repoed and is falling hard and fast. i cannot call the house to speak to my little one without first getting the yelled at treatment. on my nightly visitation she goes as far as to only pack a couple things so she can have an excuse to bring more or get me to come get more. mainly doing things just to make me mad. trouble is i dont get mad anymore, i just smile! i pay child support but i had to go buy winter clothes and coats for haily because she wouldnt. she has made the comment several times that the little bit of money i give her doesnt help out much! i just tell her, hey i give what i was told to give by the courts and besides that isnt to help you it for haily. oh and the dude she was seeing has run off also. only took hiim 1.5 months to figure out she was nuts. wonder why it took me 6 years? i had to threaten to take her to court on thanksgiving day becuase she wouldnt let me see or have a phone conversation. by rights i was supposed to get her all day and the whole vacation and only ended up getting her for three hours because of my work schedule. she has begged me to come home 2 times back in september but i told her i didnt know. so now she just uses the kids against me and tries to make my life a living hell. whats she doesnt understand is it was hell and there is nothing she can do now to make it any worse than it was with her. thanks to all who were there to help and i will keep "ya'll" posted!


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

It is good that you are doing so much for your daughter and keeping a level head with your ex.

draconis


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## stevewsc (Jul 26, 2007)

once again thank you to this site and having somewhere to vent. all is well with me and my little girl is wanting to come live with me. like my lawyer told me "it will get a whole lot worse before it gets better". i am finally on the upswing of this but i will say that divorce hurt me more than anything. i believe it was worse than any close family member passing away. thanks to all who have helped me! steve


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