# Christmas family work barbecue



## dave626

Wife accused of stealing. 


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## dave626

My wife and i went to my work Christmas dinner. 
As we were leaving my wife decided to take a 1/4 bottle of wine with her from the bosses house to which we were invited. 
She though there would be no harm in taking it as not to take one of the glasses from the house. 
The wife of my boss seen the bottle of wine in my wife's bag. 
My wife tried to explain the reason as to have a drink on the way home. 
She wouldn't listen. 
So we left. 
I now think I will get the sack. 
Any advice in what I should do. 
Thanks



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## notmyrealname4

I don't think your wife should have taken it. But that's just 'cause I don't think it's the right etiquette; I don't consider it "stealing". That's way too harsh.

Perhaps apologize to the boss when you go back to work; and gift him another bottle of that same wine. It might cost you a bit; but it shows that your apology is very sincere.

Hope it all works out. I can't imagine you getting fired over this though.


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## dave626

Thank for the reply 


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## notmyrealname4

dave626 said:


> Thank for the reply
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk




Sure thing.


Try to have a nice day today; and don't sweat this. Just explain to your boss that your wife didn't understand that the leftover wine was "off-limits",so-to-speak.

We all commit social faux pas' in the course of our lifetime. So, we apologize and make amends.

And after you do that; the people whom you may have offended, should be as forgiving and understanding as possible.


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## She'sStillGotIt

dave626 said:


> My wife and i went to my work Christmas dinner.
> As we were leaving my wife decided to take a 1/4 bottle of wine with her from the bosses house to which we were invited.
> She though there would be no harm in taking it as not to take one of the glasses from the house.
> The wife of my boss seen the bottle of wine in my wife's bag.
> My wife tried to explain the reason as to have a drink on the way home.
> She wouldn't listen.
> So we left.
> I now think I will get the sack.
> Any advice in what I should do.
> Thanks


That's about as tacky, classless and inappropriate as it gets.

Is it really THAT much of a hardship for your wife to have to leave a holiday party *without* a damned drink in her hand, so she needs to take wine *with* her "to have on the way home?" Who the hell _does_ that?

I don't think you'll be canned, but I'd be embarrassed as hell by your wife's childish, irresponsible and ignorant behavior.


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## Cooper

She'sStillGotIt said:


> That's about as tacky, classless and inappropriate as it gets.
> 
> Is it really THAT much of a hardship for your wife to have to leave a holiday party *without* a damned drink in her hand, so she needs to take wine *with* her "to have on the way home?" Who the hell _does_ that?
> 
> I don't think you'll be canned, but I'd be embarrassed as hell by your wife's childish, irresponsible and ignorant behavior.



I agree with the post above. I'm not so sure the bosses wife should have made a scene about it unless she reacted thinking what else your wife had stuck in her bag. I bet they looked thru their jewelry box after you left, and who could blame them? 

What a sad display of maturity and etiquette by your wife. Very bad form. I suggest you talk with your boss first chance, apologize, don't try to justify it, just apologize for showing such a lack of manners.

I have to add this..OP why did you post this under the addiction section? Does your wife have a drinking problem?


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## Satya

She wanted an open bottle of wine to bring with her to *drink on the way home while you're driving?*
Did I read that correctly?
And if she couldn't take the bottle, she was going to make off with a full wine *glass?*

If you'd been pulled over, both of you may have been cited for open container violation.
Merry Christmas, I guess?

It was very rude for her to just take something without asking. Wine at those kinds of parties are either provided by the hosts or given as gifts by the guests. So, either your hosts bought it for the party (event) or it was given to them by a guest. If it was a gift, then yeah, your wife stole that wine.

She could very likely have jeopardized your job.
I'm also questioning why you didn't tell her to put the wine back. If you saw what she was doing, then you're enabling her rather rude behavior by not stopping it.

Lastly, if something bad had happened as a result of that open bottle of wine in your vehicle, it could come back to your boss and his wife in a very legal way. No host is going to want to be held at fault for someone else's bad choices, but it is a very real possibility. THAT is probably why they were upset your wife wanted to take the bottle of wine.


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## notmyrealname4

OP,


I can't tell from the scant tale whether or not your wife has a drinking problem, or she was just "living it up" during the Holidays.

The drinking issue [if there is one], is a separate issue from taking leftovers from a party. As mentioned upthread, drinking from an open container while in a car, can get you in a lot of trouble.

The polite way to have handled this, would have been either

1.) Don't ask for leftovers from a work party. This is the safest,most gracious thing to do.

2.) If the host seems amenable to divvying up the leftovers; then let him/her know that you would like the wine. But the host/ess should probably be the person who makes the initial offer.

^^^That's my call. And you could probably get a lot of various ideas about what is or isn't right.

Bottom line: your wife is socially clumsy and she stepped in it on this one. So, make amends next week when you go back to work. I think you've gotta buy another bottle of that wine; and attach a brief note of simple, sincere apology.

Context: I'm not an alcohol drinker; I don't know if that biases my opinion or not. Just thought I would state where I was coming from, if that helps. As in, if I enjoyed wine myself, perhaps I'd think this was more egregious of an offence than I do. I sure don't think it's the same [at all], as stealing jewelry from the family.


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## Openminded

I doubt you'll be fired but leave her at home in the future. And replace the wine.


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## tropicalbeachiwish

I agree with notmyrealnames response. 

You should apologize first thing to your boss and gift them a REAL nice bottle of wine of the same (if it was a merlot, you gift a merlot so chances are they'll like it). 

That was a very poor choice your wife made. 

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## Spicy

dave626 said:


> My marriage has been a nightmare. She is control freak twisted individual that has manipulated,stole,lied,blackmailed.k



I see that this has been a longstanding problem of hers, as is shown in your post from 2014 above.
How massively embarrassing. Definitely replace the wine, with the same or better and an apology note. I truly hope she didn't steal anything else from your bosses house. Someone needs to press charges on her if she is a repeated thief.

If I were you I would never bring her near your workmates again. No clue how you live day in and out with someone like this. I understand you do a lot for your daughter, but she is risking your entire livelihood because of her sticky fingers. Did you know she was taking the wine? 

I can't imagine maintaining a life with someone that is comprised of the qualities you listed above.


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## dave626

I didn't know I went to get her so we could go home. 
I also had a sober driver. 
I didn't see anything 
I went to the kitchen and they were arguing. 



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## 3Xnocharm

This woman has steamrolled over you since day one! 15 years??? Why the hell do you put up with her sh!t?? 

QUOTE:

I have been married for 15 years. 
I'm from Scotland and my wife is a kiwi that I met in Scotland. 
She was over starting a life in Scotland because of she had family in Scotland and I know she didn't come from a loving family over in new zealand. Her dad was an alcoholic and her mother remarried and physically abused her. 
I found out she often ran away from home. 
Well when I met her I didnt know any of this.
And I used to visit her in England where she was working and she would visit me 
In Scotland. 
She then decided to move in with me she just appeared at my door with her bags. 
I got a good job and decided to take her to new zealand. We there for a month on holiday. 
Her family did nothing but abuse me but I put up with it for my wife's sake. 
Then two weeks into my holiday I suggested that maybe one day we could get married. She jumped up out of bed and announced to her family that we were going to get married. Her mother congratulated me and so did the rest of the family. 
It wasn't what I was meaning. I meant get married sometime In the future but the ball had started rolling and I felt I could not go back on it. 
Maybe fear that she would not return back to Scotland. 
So we got married. I was by myself and had no one to support me. I was mortified but done it. 
So after that we returned to Scotland. 
My marriage has been a nightmare. She is control freak twisted individual that has manipulated,stole,lied,blackmailed. 
We had a beautiful daughter and she blackmailed me to new zealand saying that she would take her back if I didn't come so I had to sell my house for the fare over here. My family believe that she nothing but evil and twisted and that u should leave her but I couldn't because of my daughter. 
I have been living in new zealand for 7 years now and she's totally out of control I don't know what to do any more. I love my daughter do much and I don't want to leave her but I have nobody for support as all my family is in Scotland 




















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## Blondilocks

Any repercussions from your employer?


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## arbitrator

*I'd say to buy the host couple a fresh, unopened bottle of the same stuff, hand-deliver it to them with some well thought out words of apology in hand, greatly to the effect that it's worth it to you to now know that you have a thief living in your midst!

And never take your W to any party or social gathering again until such time that she becomes truly sorry and repentant for what it was that she has done!*


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## notmyrealname4

3Xnocharm said:


> This woman has steamrolled over you since day one! 15 years??? Why the hell do you put up with her sh!t??
> 
> QUOTE:
> 
> I have been married for 15 years.
> I'm from Scotland and my wife is a kiwi that I met in Scotland.
> She was over starting a life in Scotland because of she had family in Scotland and I know she didn't come from a loving family over in new zealand. Her dad was an alcoholic and her mother remarried and physically abused her.
> I found out she often ran away from home.
> Well when I met her I didnt know any of this.
> And I used to visit her in England where she was working and she would visit me
> In Scotland.
> She then decided to move in with me she just appeared at my door with her bags.
> I got a good job and decided to take her to new zealand. We there for a month on holiday.
> Her family did nothing but abuse me but I put up with it for my wife's sake.
> Then two weeks into my holiday I suggested that maybe one day we could get married. She jumped up out of bed and announced to her family that we were going to get married. Her mother congratulated me and so did the rest of the family.
> It wasn't what I was meaning. I meant get married sometime In the future but the ball had started rolling and I felt I could not go back on it.
> Maybe fear that she would not return back to Scotland.
> So we got married. I was by myself and had no one to support me. I was mortified but done it.
> So after that we returned to Scotland.
> My marriage has been a nightmare. She is control freak twisted individual that has manipulated,stole,lied,blackmailed.
> We had a beautiful daughter and she blackmailed me to new zealand saying that she would take her back if I didn't come so I had to sell my house for the fare over here. My family believe that she nothing but evil and twisted and that u should leave her but I couldn't because of my daughter.
> I have been living in new zealand for 7 years now and she's totally out of control I don't know what to do any more. I love my daughter do much and I don't want to leave her but I have nobody for support as all my family is in Scotland
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> |




Yikes @dave626 it looks like the wine incident is the least of your worries.

Hope it worked out okay when you went back to work.


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## dave626

Thanks for all the replies 
I'm feeling anxious. 
Back to work tomorrow 



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## dave626

I made amends at work 
My boss was very understanding 
Gave him a bottle of wine. 
Thanks for the advice everyone. 


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## happy as a clam

Glad it all worked out . I'm sure you're relieved.


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## Shifter1

Not sure if the OP is still around this forum.
I’m new here, so just reading over old posts and getting familiar with the vibe of the forum. This is my first post reply.
I live in NZ, my husband is from Wales, his story his similar to yours, in that before we met, after the breakdown of his first marriage he felt isolated, no family here, with a child that he couldn’t leave. Not sure if you are in the N or S island, but there are a huge number of expats here. If you look you will be able to connect and make friends.There are Facebook meet up groups. For singles and for couples too. Both Invercargill and Dunedin are considered “Scottish” town in NZ.
Hope you feel less isolated and that your marriage troubles, are now behind you. All the best.


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