# Affair Starting on Instagram



## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

About a month ago - I got a message from my 13 year old son... via my wife's phone...

Dad I think mom is having an Affair... and he proceeded to paste screen shots of explicit sexting with images...

I confronted my wife... and she then told me... His name is Chris and I love him and he loves me and she is moving out.
The details emerged that he lived in california with his daughter, he was coming to fetch her, they will buy a bigger house and she was going to have his children and take care of our Autistic son.... and it had only being going on a few weeks...

Obviously this did not sound likely, but I figured if it happened and it made her happy I would not stand in her way... but wait for reality to bite.

I then logged into her gmail that I had setup for her... and discovered a number of other conversations with other men and someone elses daughter who was calling her mom.

My mind broke...

We have been on two dates which ended in passionate sex like we had not had since before children.
But still she stuck to... but chris is still a factor.

Prior to one of them, she had received news that one of her new friends went on contract to nigeria, was mugged and in hospital... and needed cash... she believed the story - we dont have cash for that fortunately.

It has been a big struggle for me to keep what is going on secret - only confiding in really close friends and people not directly affiliated to our lives...

It has been a month now, but there are problems and he cant come yet... 
I truly worry what his real intentions are... they do however video chat and masturbate with the vibrator I bought her for her birthday just in nov last year ( I have since hidden it) - when she comes in the afternoon to be with our son till I get home.

No matter how hard I try, I cannot give up on loving her... and worry how this is going to turn out when reality sets in... she has refused therapy as she has friends.

I personally feel she has to believe it is real, the alternative is to face what happened...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Contact a lawyer to protect yourself and your children from her.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

File for divorce. If it's possible to bring her back to reality, this will do the trick. Report all scammers to the FBI. 

Blow it up. Send all OMs the transcripts of conversations with other OMs. Call the one in Nigeria and tell him that there's a wire waiting for him in the Lagos Western Union office. Your uncle, who is Crown Price of the United States arranged the wire for you and the reference number is 12345678. 

Letting this continue and telling her how much you love her will keep you in limbo forever. You'll be in a marriage but you won't have a wife.

Rocking her world will result in one of two things: You'll get divorced and find a good woman, or your wife will finally grasp the reality of the situation and become remorseful (with some work). In this case she'll definitely have to agree to the therapy and a postnuptial agreement. 

Good luck.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Right now, she is living in a different world, a different reality from you.

Does she work?
Can she work?

Are hard drugs involved?
Marijuana involved?

Hardcore drinking?

What are your ages? 
Your length of marriage?

Is she manic-depressive?
Her refusing therapy is revealing. 
She knows she has issues. She does not want to solve them.

So many questions, not enough data.

She is desperately reaching out. To someone, anyone far away.
It sounds like she wants to be somewhere....somewhere else, far away.

Many men permit, allow, encourage their little head to call the shots.

She is allowing her little lips to do the talking, to do the work.
The 'hard' work. 

She is using her siren song, sung from those nether labium to call forth nearby sailors. Begging them to take her away.
Off her self-imposed island homestead.

She is grabbing at straws, jumping at shiny objects.

This is irrational mania.
It might, it likely will get worse.

You are losing her, she is going down fast.

She needs 'slow down' medicine.




KB-


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## stro (Feb 7, 2018)

there should be a hole in the wall in the shape of you. Don’t even bother looking for the door. Get out, get out now. Don’t stop, don’t look back.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Her life with you is tough, I guess. Not enough money. Not a big-enough house. Chris is like a prince in the fairy tale she liked when she was 8.

When you fall for the romance scam or something similar, you know she's wanting to escape her reality pretty hard.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Tell her Chris called before and you answered. He's on his way. He'll be there in two hours, could she pack up real quick and wait with her bags by the front door? Do you think she's gullible enough?

Actually, I kind of feel sorry for her.

The way she is, that just doesn't start a few weeks ago on social media. Her way of thinking, that's something that's been going on a while.

What happened to her? Or was she always that way?


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Sounds like you enjoy being a cuckold husband. Codependent relationships aren't good for anyone. Why are you allowing for her to walk all over you? Are you a masochistic person in all other aspects of life as well?


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## Townes (Jan 31, 2018)

You have some major, major work to do on yourself. What should happen is you focus 100% on yourself and get into some intensive individual therapy.


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## Laurentium (May 21, 2017)

Wodenski said:


> she has refused therapy as she has friends.


Imaginary ones or real ones?

Hard to believe this story is true. What about the the other girl calling her "mom"?


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*First off, do not believe any emails from Nigeria or any third world country soliciting money! They are 99.99% criminal scams!

Regarding your W, let her go! Why would you want her when she doesn't give a tinkers damn about you! Get to a good piranha family attorney's office post haste and be thoroughly advised of both your custodial as well as your property rights!*


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

arbitrator said:


> *First off, do not believe any emails from Nigeria or any third world country soliciting money! They are 99.99% criminal scams!
> 
> Regarding your W, let her go! Why would you want her when she doesn't give a tinkers damn about you! Get to a good piranha family attorney's office post haste and be thoroughly advised of both your custodial as well as your property rights!*


Aw, Arb...

That is always what you say, what you prescribe.

The thing is..

You, Dr. Arb are right.

Except on politics!!




King Brian, NZ


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## alliexoxo (Mar 12, 2018)

I seen a dr Phil episode directly related to relationship scams out of Nigeria 


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

SunCMars said:


> Right now, she is living in a different world, a different reality from you.
> 
> Does she work? Small home business making bread and milk money
> Can she work?Nothing likely to pay to much more
> ...


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

All that other stuff that was going on - while I had access
Just makes me worry for her sanity... so much of it screams scam

I downloaded most of it - while I had access
She even has a burner phone for "him"


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

I have started working on myself bigtime... More backround In December - my 11 year old autistic son was swept off a sandbank by a cross current...

We both almost drowned when I went to pull him out... I did not tell my wife cos I been walking on egg shells trying to keep the stress at bay... and that broke me without realizing it...

I became withdrawn from her - largely facilitating what happened... 
She even told me I needed her, but I was looking out from deep inside like an automaton...

I have had 2 sessions... I am getting excercise now, and not eating to much, taking trepoline for the shock


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Read some of the 'other' posts of The Host, or his proxies.

This is in the window of cycles, fits right in. Mid life crisis.

Midnight crash.

My tongue is sore from repeating this mantra, this reality.
For many, not for all.

Some are bags of cement. Nothing can stir them up.
Push them away from their nest.



King Brian- taken again from The Hosts notes.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> Her life with you is tough, I guess. Not enough money. Not a big-enough house. Chris is like a prince in the fairy tale she liked when she was 8.
> 
> When you fall for the romance scam or something similar, you know she's wanting to escape her reality pretty hard.


Well yes it has been tough, raising a non verbal autistic.
And in the last year my 13 year old became a bit delinquent skipping school and resistant to authority - well hers in particular... we do have different parenting styles...
Hers is to demand obedience in the fashion of when they should jump, but she cannot follow through as that style required massive hidings.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

I actually even offered to play for a plane ticket - just take some of her friends that can afford the holiday 

No deal


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Sounds like you enjoy being a cuckold husband. Codependent relationships aren't good for anyone. Why are you allowing for her to walk all over you? Are you a masochistic person in all other aspects of life as well?


I recognize that she has a problem. She is the mother of our children. She has not acted this way in 14 years and have been trying to make it possible to find a way back.

I know she is broken.


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## Lostinthought61 (Nov 5, 2013)

first of all, i would have threw out the burner phone and called chris and tell him to either get his ass here and take your wife or get the hell out of your lives. but the fact you just allow her to continue to do this with out filing for divorce makes me think that you are just waiting on the side line waiting for her next move before you make your next move...do you have codependency issues?


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## skerzoid (Feb 7, 2017)

Wodenski:

1. You are the epitome of a doormat.

2. You had better get angry quick. Get your balls out of hock.

3. Lawyer up and have her served. You can always stop he process if she comes around.

4. You have to be willing to lose your marriage if you want to save it.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Wodenski said:


> TheDudeLebowski said:
> 
> 
> > Sounds like you enjoy being a cuckold husband. Codependent relationships aren't good for anyone. Why are you allowing for her to walk all over you? Are you a masochistic person in all other aspects of life as well?
> ...


You allow her broken behavior. You enable it in a lot of regards. That is codependent behavior. She continues to sext and masturbate and your response is to hide her toy. Lmao. Ive not seen someone this weak come along in quite a while. 

As she watches her husband sit on the sidelines and allow himself to be completely disrespected, she only loses more and more respect for you as a man. Your choosing to sit around and hope she snaps out of it with no consequences given for her actions is only driving her away. 

Also you are setting a very bad example for your 13 year old who knows damn well what is going on. No wonder they are acting out. Has to be tough when they lose respect for both of their parents all at once.


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

I understand you're in a tough spot with the younger son and your wife's being home.

But you've had a month.

Everything takes care of itself eventually. If nothing else, we all eventually die. But you've posted here, so I guess you've reached another step of wanting her to change back. 

It really is escapism. She doesn't want to let go of that. And she doesn't have to worry about you. You can see that, right? She did it, and not much has changed. She can do it, she's still in the house, maybe it's even better for her now, it was a change in the right direction for her. You've taken her on dates and given some passion. Finally you paid her attention. Maybe she feels she needs Chris around to keep you on your toes.

Some of your posts are a little disjointed. Can you explain about the person who calls her daughter?

It's kind of stabilized, correct? She's cheating long-distance, you are waiting for her. Is that your assessment too? Do you have an internal timeline as to how long you can put up with the current situation?

Also, what about her friends in real life? Her parents? Siblings?


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Crazy beotch wants to hook up with some unknown a hole online and take your kid with her?????

She needs a tight fitting jacket and a padded room.

No way a deranged ho is taking my kid to be with some fake Romeo.

Time to kick some serious ass for your kid at least!


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> I understand you're in a tough spot with the younger son and your wife's being home.
> 
> But you've had a month.
> 
> ...


She has fallen in with the moms at my Autistic sons school, living with the mom of the mom that runs it... She must have portrayed our home as something she had to escape. Not sure what the older friends think.

Her family have helped me and want me to reach her. But I have not told anyone in direct contact what is really going on... her family are JW's and this could really damage there relationship


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> You allow her broken behavior. You enable it in a lot of regards. That is codependent behavior. She continues to sext and masturbate and your response is to hide her toy. Lmao. Ive not seen someone this weak come along in quite a while.
> 
> As she watches her husband sit on the sidelines and allow himself to be completely disrespected, she only loses more and more respect for you as a man. Your choosing to sit around and hope she snaps out of it with no consequences given for her actions is only driving her away.
> 
> Also you are setting a very bad example for your 13 year old who knows damn well what is going on. No wonder they are acting out. Has to be tough when they lose respect for both of their parents all at once.


The vibe thing came out this week... I also confronted her about it. This was meant to be my weekend off... I been full time parent for the better part of a month.
But she did not feel well and asked me to come home after 1 night.

I am considering to

Force her into therapy by telling her I will reveal what is really going on if she does not go.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

Is divorce illegal where you live?

Tell her that she can leave whenever the **** she wants, but she’s not taking your son anywhere.

Geez.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> Is divorce illegal where you live?
> 
> Tell her that she can leave whenever the **** she wants, but she’s not taking your son anywhere.
> 
> Geez.


My son is not going anywhere. I don't think Prince charming is real. If he were to turn out to be super rich and a decent person which I doubt - I would consider it as the level of care available in the USA to people with capital far outways what I can provide.
But again - that is not very likely to happen.

Of course I can divorce... but atm I am trying to save my long term companion from the damage she is setting herself up for... Although increasingly it is looking like I need to move to actually cutting back. I have been operating under the belief that the truth of what is going on will come out soon... but that seems to have been unfounded.

The first two weeks were an immense shock... I don't know how to chart this course... but I know that the person I love is still in there, and a part of it more so for her getting out...

She confined herself to bed almost from the moment I came home, for so long... and I would take over the kids...

Reading on other threads I am seeing a Borderline Personality Disorder tendency in a big way...

Divorce for me is the last resort and if it happens I want it to happen for the right reasons, not cos she has had a mental breakdown


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

Wodenski said:


> My son is not going anywhere. I don't think Prince charming is real. If he were to turn out to be super rich and a decent person which I doubt - I would consider it as the level of care available in the USA to people with capital far outways what I can provide.
> But again - that is not very likely to happen.
> 
> Of course I can divorce... but atm I am trying to save my long term companion from the damage she is setting herself up for... Although increasingly it is looking like I need to move to actually cutting back. I have been operating under the belief that the truth of what is going on will come out soon... but that seems to have been unfounded.
> ...



You are a really good man. You are.

As I see it, no good will ever come out of this thing, this spell your wife is under.

Can you have her committed?
Is this something that can be done in South Africa?

Not forever, this confinement, just for as long as necessary.
On her having NPD, this rarely begins at forty plus years.
You would have seen this earlier.

I would suspect maybe a brain tumor, head trama, or some other malady.

Something viral.




KB-


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Your wife sounds unhinged or immature at best. Believing she is in love with someone she never met and wants to run off with him, what planet is she from. Any chance there is something wrong with her anti-depressant medication?
Is there anyway you can have her committed to a mental hospital for evaluation.

Sounds like she is being catfished.

Take care of your 13 year old and elicit the help of family and friends. Can you contact Chris' partner in the US (if he is real). 
Go and see a lawyer and see if that will shock your wife into reality.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Wodenski said:


> The vibe thing came out this week... I also confronted her about it.


My bet is she's cut you off and hasn't give it up to you for a while. Despite you saying you love her, subconsciously, or maybe consciously, you got it right in your opening post; "_but I figured if it happened and it made her happy I would not stand in her way"._ In a later post, you talked about paying for her plane ticket; a one way ticket you're were probably thinking. 
Think about the freedom you'd feel if she boarded a silver bird and flew off into the sunset. BTW, she hasn't gotten around to sending this cat your money yet, has she? Sounds like this Chris guy has found a couple of easy marks in you two.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

I think I have been living with the BPD for years - hence why I did not tell her we almost drowned...

But this new thing, my withdrawel, the menopause, her condition, having her activities exposed by her son...

She needed to escape before, now more than ever


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

aine said:


> Your wife sounds unhinged or immature at best. Believing she is in love with someone she never met and wants to run off with him, what planet is she from. Any chance there is something wrong with her anti-depressant medication?
> Is there anyway you can have her committed to a mental hospital for evaluation.
> 
> Sounds like she is being catfished.
> ...


The story is she is dead... I still have the downloads... I have considered going into them for more intense sluething... but have stayed away from doing so thus far.
I don't think I want to look through that again... but apart of me says perhaps I need to in order to expose what is going on...


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

VladDracul said:


> My bet is she's cut you off and hasn't give it up to you for a while. Despite you saying you love her, subconsciously, or maybe consciously, you got it right in your opening post; "_but I figured if it happened and it made her happy I would not stand in her way"._ In a later post, you talked about paying for her plane ticket; a one way ticket you're were probably thinking.
> Think about the freedom you'd feel if she boarded a silver bird and flew off into the sunset. BTW, she hasn't gotten around to sending this cat your money yet, has she? Sounds like this Chris guy has found a couple of easy marks in you two.


I want her to be happy... the plane ticket was to force the reality out, I wanted friends with her when it imploded like I believed it would


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## Beach123 (Dec 6, 2017)

You need to expose her activities to all family asap!

Get the divorce filed. You need to take charge of your life man - get a plan - one that doesn't depend on what your wife may or may not do.

Your wife is no longer the gal you thought she was. Get busy helping yourself!


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## eric1 (Apr 10, 2015)

This is crazy


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

The one thing that seems out of the ordinary is that they do video chat


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

I have decided to confide in one of her longer more loyal level headed friends


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Wait a minute.

So you're not going to stand in her way so you're waiting for another man to come get your son and move to california?

Really?


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

If I conclude it is legit and in his best interests - it is not out of the question...
But that is a long way from even possibly happening... 

I do not believe this is real and I fear for what the real end game is


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

ATM I am trying to get reality to set in and get her help.

That is not even a remote possibility to me atm...


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Wodenski said:


> super rich and a decent person ... the level of care available in the USA to people with capital far outways what I can provide.
> 
> She confined herself to bed almost from the moment I came home, for so long... and I would take over the kids...
> 
> she has had a mental breakdown


The prince from fairy-tale land will fix all her problems.

How crazy must Chris be? I can't believe that your wife is a good enough actress to act normal for him that long.

If you have a picture of Chris' face, have you tried to search his face online? If it is a catfish or a scammer, it might be the face of a real person who is being used. I think even videos could be manipulated, taken from youtube or such.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> The prince from fairy-tale land will fix all her problems.
> 
> How crazy must Chris be? I can't believe that your wife is a good enough actress to act normal for him that long.
> 
> If you have a picture of Chris' face, have you tried to search his face online? If it is a catfish or a scammer, it might be the face of a real person who is being used. I think even videos could be manipulated, taken from youtube or such.


I think it is time to go back in there... that laptop got wet, but I got it up and running again today...
I have been considering doing this for some time...

Just opening that up again - it is just so daunting


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Wodenski said:


> I think it is time to go back in there... that laptop got wet, but I got it up and running again today...
> 
> I have been considering doing this for some time...
> 
> ...




Ummmm OK! NOBODY takes my son, no matter HOW much money, insurance or wealth they may have!

I sense that you may be tired and out of energy, taking care of the heavy responsibility of an autistic child. 

But COME ON MAN! I’m female, but IF I were you, I’d be on this SO fast it would make my wife and all the men she’s involved in, heads SPIN!

IF this is BPD or something medically wrong, get a grip on it NOW! 

If it’s not medical, expose the OM(men) NOW!




Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

dianaelaine59 said:


> Ummmm OK! NOBODY takes my son, no matter HOW much money, insurance or wealth they may have!
> 
> I sense that you may be tired and out of energy, taking care of the heavy responsibility of an autistic child.
> 
> ...


You are right... I should have done this sooner... I been thinking of doing it for 2 weeks now - but I had the laptop on rice, cos my son spilled a glass of water over it


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

Ahhh what I downloaded contains a lot less than I had thought it would


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

She sounds very depressed? Extreme depression can have devastating results.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

ok - def cat fish.... found the image I sent to a friend telling what is going on... did reverse image lookup and found a flickr of a doctor guy from 2014...

So now I need to reveal this to her in a safe environment... I am chatting to her friend tomoz to tell her what is going on...
And with her help... going to reveal to her what is going on... and have a shrink on hand to help her cope


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## BobSimmons (Mar 2, 2013)

Wodenski said:


> If I conclude it is legit and in his best interests - it is not out of the question...
> But that is a long way from even possibly happening...
> 
> I do not believe this is real and I fear for what the real end game is


Being father to your son is not in his best interests?

Bizarre. I'm out


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

BobSimmons said:


> Being father to your son is not in his best interests?
> 
> Bizarre. I'm out


It is not going to happen... have proof he is a catfish...

But If you have walked in the shoes of a parent with autism... where your child needs more than you can provide... you might understand.
He is 11 non verbal and in nappies at night... 

South Africa has poor treatment and care options compared to the states... so it would have been a sacrifice I might have considered if I felt it would benefit him more than staying here


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

Wodenski said:


> ATM I am trying to get reality to set in and get her help.


We're trying to get the reality to set in to my man. I like your thinking on this however, "South Africa has poor treatment and care options compared to the states... so it would have been a sacrifice I might have considered if I felt it would benefit him more than staying here". You jettison two problems for the price of one and look like the good guy.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> The prince from fairy-tale land will fix all her problems.
> 
> How crazy must Chris be? I can't believe that your wife is a good enough actress to act normal for him that long.
> 
> If you have a picture of Chris' face, have you tried to search his face online? If it is a catfish or a scammer, it might be the face of a real person who is being used. I think even videos could be manipulated, taken from youtube or such.


Dead right 
Chris 
https://www.flickr.com/photos/courosa/16265769507/
AKA Alec Couros... for the record the two are not the same person... Chris used Alec's image while perpetuating this fraud


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

You probably should remove his name. He may be "Chris," or he might just be a guy being used by Chris and not even know his photo or video is being used.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> You probably should remove his name. He may be "Chris," or he might just be a guy being used by Chris and not even know his photo or video is being used.


He obviously does not know? Is there a protocol for this?


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Either he's messing with your wife for amusement or lust.

Or the romance scammer or catfish decided to use his face and videos. If he is face-timing or skyping, there must be video with that guy's videos and the scammer's voice.

If they are mutually masturbating on video-chat, then it probably is the guy you found and he is in it for his own fun. Unlikely the scammer or catfisher would have access to videos like that.

I don't know the protocol for this. What I would do is first show it to your wife. Unfortunately, in my life, there have been a couple of times I've seen a woman in a situation different but somewhat similar to what your wife is through - a guy using fake name and fake life history to use a woman - and the best I can describe it is the phrase, "people believe what they want to believe." No matter how ridiculous the explanations, the woman believed it. And your wife seems crazier than the other women I saw that happen. So it's very likely Chris would be able to make any wacky situation and your wife would believe it. IE, the hospital patient in Nigeria asking for money, which your wife still believes to be true.

But I would show it to your wife first. Then I would call the Doctor at his employment and ask him nicely to stop, and ask if his employer has any kind of morals clause that you should be aware of. Record the conversation. , depending on how it goes, I might then call him at home and let his wife know what is going on.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

While I am not out of the woods... I really want to thank everyone for their contributions....

Yesterday I walked on the beach for 4 hours to find clarity... it has come


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

http://fake-scam.info/index.php/topic,2309.60.html
here he is under a number of names


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

Be very careful. Even if your wife eventually accepts that the whole thing with Chris was a scam, you still are left with a wife who happily walked all over you AND your son. Talking about leaving you for a life far away.

Even with all your efforts to help - she is at risk of doing the same thing again. Your life will be one long detective series trying to catch her in her next affair.

Don't beg and don't rugsweep this. Sometimes you have to be willing to end a marriage to save it. Have you at least talked to her about divorce. That would seem logical if she was telling you as soon as Chris sent for her she would be gone.

I would strongly recommend counseling for her and you.


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## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

Wodenski said:


> http://fake-scam.info/index.php/topic,2309.60.html
> here he is under a number of names


 Good onya, nice detective work.


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Wodenski said:


> I truly worry what his real intentions are... they do however video chat and masturbate with the vibrator I bought her for her birthday


 It is really not that complicated to figure out the other man’s “real intentions”. He wants sex videos of your wife masturbating. They will be used by him to personally enjoy, to share with friends, and to perhaps put on porn sites or to blackmail her. Everything else was made up to string her along. 

Not only did she buy in to the con, but the other man had you considering let him have your son. A famous con man once said that you can get people to believe anything no matter how unbelievable as long as they want to believe. Apparently both of you wanted to believe.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

TDSC60 said:


> Be very careful. Even if your wife eventually accepts that the whole thing with Chris was a scam, you still are left with a wife who happily walked all over you AND your son. Talking about leaving you for a life far away.
> 
> Even with all your efforts to help - she is at risk of doing the same thing again. Your life will be one long detective series trying to catch her in her next affair.
> 
> ...


I am not convinced this saves the marriage... but it is savable and agree we will need councilling... although I think the reality of this might require her to be committed for a bit


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## OutofRetirement (Nov 27, 2017)

Romance scamming is like a business. The scammers usually have other types of scams going on, e.g., lottery scams, work-from-home scams, grandchild scam, "hospital" scam (like hospital patient in Nigeria), jail scam, etc. The scammer has "customers." Your wife would be one of his "customers." The scammer doesn't just have one customer at a time. The scammer has maybe 100 "customers" at a time. He has to work each one of them separately. I wouldn't be surprised if "Chris" is the same guy who tried to do the hospital scam. Frequently the scammer is not a he or a she but a "they." It's hard to handle the 24/7 aspect of it unless you have multiple people.

https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdtx/pr/seven-sentenced-money-laundering-scheme-involving-proceeds-multiple-foreign-scams

Once they find gullible suckers, they usually never let the dupes go. They will work them for different scams, over and over. Only way to keep them from continually contacting their marks is for the marks to change their social media, email, phone, etc.

Usually they ask for money through a wire service like Western Union or Moneygram to a foreign bank.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

OutofRetirement said:


> Romance scamming is like a business. The scammers usually have other types of scams going on, e.g., lottery scams, work-from-home scams, grandchild scam, "hospital" scam (like hospital patient in Nigeria), jail scam, etc. The scammer has "customers." Your wife would be one of his "customers." The scammer doesn't just have one customer at a time. The scammer has maybe 100 "customers" at a time. He has to work each one of them separately. I wouldn't be surprised if "Chris" is the same guy who tried to do the hospital scam. Frequently the scammer is not a he or a she but a "they." It's hard to handle the 24/7 aspect of it unless you have multiple people.
> 
> https://www.justice.gov/usao-wdtx/pr/seven-sentenced-money-laundering-scheme-involving-proceeds-multiple-foreign-scams
> 
> ...


I agree I got the feeling that the mommy one was part of the gang


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

Your WW is mentally ill and is being catfished. Period.

I'm sorry, but you can't respond to this as if it were in the norm. It is not. Maybe she is BPD, as you suggest. Maybe she is in a menopausal hormonal depression. It doesn't matter the cause, in my opinion. She is mentally ill and you can't fix her.

She needs professional help and you need to start protecting yourself legally.

I'm so sorry.


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## VermiciousKnid (Nov 14, 2017)

Your wife is being scammed by multiple online scammers. She must not be very bright if she's falling for any of this. Just make sure she doesn't have access to any family funds and divorce her as quickly as possible. Get a lawyer today.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

I have contacted a trusted friend of hers... she is getting together the gals for an intervention...
Hopefully they can help her get help...

She was shocked, as she thought my wife would be the last person to fall for something like this


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Stop trying to save your idiotic wife. Save yourself. Cut her off financially, emotionally, whatever, and inform her that prince charming better come pretty quick to rescue her. If that ain't reality enough for her nothing will be.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

She is the mother of my children and a good person at heart... she was taken advantage of while being in a dark and lonely place.
I want her to come out of this with as little damage as possible... This is beyond marriage, its about caring for a person who needs help.

And she will be getting it


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Wodenski said:


> She is the mother of my children and a good person at heart... she was taken advantage of while being in a dark and lonely place.
> I want her to come out of this with as little damage as possible... This is beyond marriage, its about caring for a person who needs help.
> 
> And she will be getting it


That's really admirable, but you have very little power or influence over her changing for the better. Only she can do that.... Decide she even wants to. She didn't succumb to darkness... that is removing all responsibility from her for her behavior. She did precisely what she wanted to, with full awareness.

I haven't read all of the responses, but I'm sure you've received a lot of good advice thus far.

You'd do well to re-channel your focus into your child (children?) instead of your wife. Your wife is an adult and responsible for her own life and choices. "Saving" her is not as heroic or impactful as you think it is. If anything, it only enables her further and helps to assert for her that you'll always be there as a branch to swing to, no matter how poorly she behaves or how far in the fog she has lost herself. When we behave badly, there must be consequences, or we never learn. What have her consequences been?

She doesn't sound like marriage material, at all, but I can respect your opinion if what you truly desire is to save the marriage. You're in for a very bumpy ride unless you exact some hard and fast boundaries and stick to them.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

Satya said:


> That's really admirable, but you have very little power or influence over her changing for the better. Only she can do that.... Decide she even wants to. She didn't succumb to darkness... that is removing all responsibility from her for her behavior. She did precisely what she wanted to, with full awareness.
> 
> I haven't read all of the responses, but I'm sure you've received a lot of good advice thus far.
> 
> ...


Any question of saving the marriage only becomes possible after she has faced the reality of where she is... 
And the consequences on her mind are going to be considerable...

I have been looking after both kids for a month now and working on improving myself in that time...


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Wodenski said:


> She is the mother of my children and a good person at heart... she was taken advantage of while being in a dark and lonely place.
> 
> This is beyond marriage, its about caring for a person who needs help.


Honestly, what reality are you living in? Catfish, scam or not, mental illness or not; your wife is trying to leave you. Not only that, she's throwing it right in your face. You seem oblivious to that fact. Do you think after this scam plays out she won't look for another exit affair?

Good night man, have some respect for yourself. You can divorce and get her help at the same time.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

"Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity."


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wodenski said:


> "Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity."


 @Wodenski, You are a good man, a good husband and a good father.

You'll do what you need to do so you can live with yourself.

I think seeing a lawyer might be of benefit in order to protect the interests of you, your children and your wife.

These websites might be of help to you:-
419 Eater - The largest scambaiting community on the planet!
https://www.scambusters.org/


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Wodenski said:


> She has fallen in with the moms at my Autistic sons school, living with the mom of the mom that runs it... She must have portrayed our home as something she had to escape. Not sure what the older friends think.
> 
> Her family have helped me and want me to reach her. But I have not told anyone in direct contact what is really going on... her family are JW's and this could really damage there relationship


Why haven't you exposed this to EVERYONE in her family, your family, etc.? You need to do this to blow up her world and have others show her what she is doing. You also need to do this to make sure SHE isn't making up stories about you/your marriage to justify her cheating.


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## jlg07 (Feb 24, 2017)

Wodenski said:


> The story is she is dead... I still have the downloads... I have considered going into them for more intense sluething... but have stayed away from doing so thus far.
> I don't think I want to look through that again... but apart of me says perhaps I need to in order to expose what is going on...


Hire a PI in the states to get this info for you -- should be easy to see if scam or real...

EDT: Just caught up that you found that she is being scammed -- good for you! Great work in figuring this out.

NOW, you need to realize that foolish or not, your wife did this to YOU -- put it in your face, and was going to walk away from you. This is something you should NOT rug-sweep, even if you forgive the fact that she fell for scammers. You also need to make sure you control your finances so that she can't get into the money and send to ANYONE without your agreement.


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## Wodenski (Apr 7, 2018)

jlg07 said:


> Hire a PI in the states to get this info for you -- should be easy to see if scam or real...


We already have the evidence - it is a scam... 

Friends are going to help her face the truth tomoz

<3

Hoping it does not break her further


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Wodenski said:


> We already have the evidence - it is a scam...
> 
> Friends are going to help her face the truth tomoz
> 
> ...


Medical intervention might be in order?


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## SentHereForAReason (Oct 25, 2017)

Wodenski said:


> We already have the evidence - it is a scam...
> 
> Friends are going to help her face the truth tomoz
> 
> ...


Not for cruel and unusual punishment but it's my understand that she needs to be broken as possible from all of this, like hit rock bottom and then recover from there. If this gets bandaged then, nothing will actual get resolved for her and she won't heal in a way that is in her best interests.


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Wodenski said:


> We already have the evidence - it is a scam...
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Why friends? Why not you??? Why not her husband??


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## DjDjani (Feb 10, 2018)

I cant believe how dumb you are. Listen to the people what arre they saying to you.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

How many kids do you have and how old are they?

Your wife is ready to leave you to go to another man on another continent. That is the thing that should be dealt with. Not if she fell for a scam or not........that really doesn't matter. Her grasp on reality has gone bye-bye.


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