# Being cheated on by military spouse



## Dontknowwheretobegin

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have one daughter (3). He is in the military and we just relocated to a new state. He came home from a year long deployment overseas a few months ago. Since he’s been home, things have felt different. Really couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Since I’m a stay at home mom, I have time to think and I guess marinate on these feelings. He’s been quite distant, and will go to the ends of the earth to not leave his phone unattended. Will not take the dog to go pee outside without it. Just last week he had to go to another state for a couple days to do some military training and idk what it is but my feelings about something going on have just intensified. The stars aligned and he went out for his morning run (6am, I’m passed out) and left his phone plugged in the living room, and his alarm goes off, waking me up. He’s nowhere. Long story short, while he was gone, he’s made appointments to go to a happy ending massage parlor. His search history confirms all of this as well. He’s traveled a great deal of our marriage and now this makes me think he’s been unfaithful the entire time. If you’re only gone for 4 days, and can’t keep it in your pants, why would you when you’re gone for a year?? This is making me sick to my stomach and feel so betrayed. I’m terrified to say anything. Never in a million years would I think this of him. Even when I was suspicious of his actions I never ever thought he’d be capable of this. The day he came home we had amazing sex and we actually had a really great talk about how much we loved each other and how this is forever. It makes me sick. I know I betrayed him by looking through his phone, but what I found is just so horrific. Especially because of what he blatantly left there, what else is he hiding? Don’t know what to do or think. Just devastated. If anyone has any advice, I’d be very grateful. Thank you.


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## Kcden

Unfortunately I find this is a common problem in the military. My husbands brother has been in the army since he was 18, and has a long history of cheating while away for different trainings and deployments, even if it’s just emotional cheating on line. He met his current wife while living with his long term girlfriend who he left for my SIL when his OG GF found out she was pregnant. After the way their marriage started I think SIL always had it in the back of her mind that it could happen to her too, the best thing she does is call him out. She has no shame going through his phone, One Xmas he had deleted a convo with an ex gf and SIL called him out in front of the whole family. Things seem better since he knows he will always get caught, but I think that’s only bc he knows my SIL (who is completely too good for him, she’s way prettier, funnier and smarter then he can normally do) will leave in a second and he won’t be able to do better, even though he’s currently in Germany for ten months and I personally wouldn’t trust him if I were her. I wouldn’t want to live with that level of distrust but if it’s for you, you have to call him out and be stern. I’d confront him tell him what you found, and ask him directly how you’re supposed to trust him. They all think they’re clever enough to get away with it, and once they find out they’re not that’s the only way you can level with them. If he gets super defensive and tries to flip it on you, he’s prob hiding something else.


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## Dontknowwheretobegin

*thank you for your response. That’s heartbreaking what your former and current sister in law go through. I couldn’t live like that. I really hope that’s not in my future. Especially with children involved. I’m waiting until tonight once I put our daughter down to bed to finally start the conversation. Absolutely terrified. I feel like things are going to change after tonight and I never thought this would be our lives. I’ve been trying to find his profile on the dating app I know is on his phone, so many deceitful married people on there. So disturbing. Again thank you for your words☺*


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## Anastasia6

It's not a betrayal to find a betrayal.

You have to decide how you want to approach it but it sounds like he thinks nothing of having sexual relations with others.

I couldn't live like that.


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## Dontknowwheretobegin

*so we finally had our discussion. I always envision myself as being so poised, but I lost my **** completely. I found more suspicious things since my original post. He told me he never actually went to these parlors, but has been searching them for years. (He said it really started when he came home from Kabul Afghanistan in 2018) Kind of as a fantasy thing. I’ve seen his porn history (porn doesn’t bother me in the slightest) and it’s definitely not out of the realm. I know, especially since I’ve felt these feelings, that I’ve been sexually closed off, and maybe it’s just been two battling forces. Two things I know for use is I know he’s a good man and a great father. He knows I know about his searches. He knows I’ll go to every length to make sure we’re solid. He was surprisingly forthcoming and didn’t want me to stop asking questions until I was satisfied. I tend to brush things off when I’m uncomfortable. Moving on and forward was always an option but I always go worst-case-scenario and figured we were done. He said he wants us to find a church in our new state and I don’t think it’s a cop out, but something we both could use. Hopefully we’re headed in the right path. Deep down I actually felt better. Typically I’m a total pessimist but I feel like we’re closer than we’ve ever been. It was kind of nice to see him vulnerable and with all cards out. Cautiously optimistic 🤞*


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## ElwoodPDowd

Dontknowwheretobegin said:


> he’s made appointments to go to a happy ending massage parlor.


How often do you give him a 'happy ending' massage?


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## Dontknowwheretobegin

To be totally honest, since he came home from being overseas, December 2020, only a handful of times, whats your point???


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## babbles1238

Dontknowwheretobegin said:


> My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We have one daughter (3). He is in the military and we just relocated to a new state. He came home from a year long deployment overseas a few months ago. Since he’s been home, things have felt different. Really couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Since I’m a stay at home mom, I have time to think and I guess marinate on these feelings. He’s been quite distant, and will go to the ends of the earth to not leave his phone unattended. Will not take the dog to go pee outside without it. Just last week he had to go to another state for a couple days to do some military training and idk what it is but my feelings about something going on have just intensified. The stars aligned and he went out for his morning run (6am, I’m passed out) and left his phone plugged in the living room, and his alarm goes off, waking me up. He’s nowhere. Long story short, while he was gone, he’s made appointments to go to a happy ending massage parlor. His search history confirms all of this as well. He’s traveled a great deal of our marriage and now this makes me think he’s been unfaithful the entire time. If you’re only gone for 4 days, and can’t keep it in your pants, why would you when you’re gone for a year?? This is making me sick to my stomach and feel so betrayed. I’m terrified to say anything. Never in a million years would I think this of him. Even when I was suspicious of his actions I never ever thought he’d be capable of this. The day he came home we had amazing sex and we actually had a really great talk about how much we loved each other and how this is forever. It makes me sick. I know I betrayed him by looking through his phone, but what I found is just so horrific. Especially because of what he blatantly left there, what else is he hiding? Don’t know what to do or think. Just devastated. If anyone has any advice, I’d be very grateful. Thank you.


I am retired and my wife is active and has deployed twice to Afghan and once to Dubai I believe since 2014. Seems like each time she comes off deployments she less interested in sex. The last deployment she did in 2019 to Dubai was a luxury deployment. No uniform half the time and plenty of leisure time. I recall when she left to go on that one she wasn't even interested in touching me other than a peck on the lips when I dropped her off at the airport. She had already been told what it would be like, heaven!  One night I recall she hadn't called home which she usually does by 10 her time daily. I kept calling and calling till about 1 am I finally got a hold of her and she said she fell asleep and didn't hear the phone. As the conversation progressed, come to find out she was out but I'll never forget those famous words: "I didn't know I had to be in at a certain time" Our relationship continues to be cordial but she has zero interest in sexual relations with me and does even try to initiate anything. What am I supposed to think?? When I think back, she did quite a number of massages.


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## MattMatt

Who's there?

Oh, it's only Zombie Cat, about to close down another Zombie thread!


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