# Exit plan failing miserably



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I cried every day this week, I can't take the pain, the secrecy. And I still can't find the best way to get a divorce. It's either too expensive or too long or too unsafe. 

I need help.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear your upset and crying.. maybe you need to take a break of making an exit plan... and it will just come to you.


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

Just some ideas but have you tried to get him to leave you?
Maybe you know a woman who is just right to steal him from you so he leaves you of his own will ?


what part exactly is the problem with?
getting him to move out? fear you will lose your house?
that he will not pay enough child support due to his lack of funds?
Maybe if you could pinpoint the exact problem most troublesome, it would be easier to find a way.

you have already financially seperated...
right?
maybe your doing the best you can / doing everything right and just need a break from planning to be fresh.
and full of new ideas, that may help you


my husbands ex used to start chit, and hit him.. and when he tried to stop her she would call the police on him.. saying he hit her !!!.
I think she did that because she wanted a speedy divorce and could come up with nothing else.


----------



## voivod (Aug 7, 2008)

preso said:


> Just some ideas but have you tried to get him to leave you?
> Maybe you know a woman who is just right to steal him from you so he leaves you of his own will ?


why not plant some drugs on him and call the cops. get him arrested. 

i am sorry. feeling a little randy today. but set him up? i'm sorry, i'm not familiar with your story, but this advice sounds a little, um, drastic. and unrealistic.


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I gave in, confessed I was planning a real divorce. He will go to therapist with me tomorrow. Some pain is gone, but I feel I am stuck at square one again. I feel so miserable, but at least I am still alive. I really can't make him my enemy because he will still get visitation rights.


----------



## JDPreacher (Feb 27, 2009)

You can make and file divorce papers on your own...it may seem overwhelming but it isn't if you take the time to look at what needs done. And that includes child support and visitation...

I'm a certified mediator so if you need help, LMK

Preacher


----------



## preso (May 1, 2009)

Sensitive said:


> I gave in, confessed I was planning a real divorce. He will go to therapist with me tomorrow. Some pain is gone, but I feel I am stuck at square one again. I feel so miserable, but at least I am still alive. I really can't make him my enemy because he will still get visitation rights.


Is that so bad?
You only see him once when he picks up the kids
and will not have to see his adult daughter.

They are his kids you know... and it might be a good thing for them to see him.
They will just be visiting him, not living with him full time.

If your not wanting him to have visitation...
its going to be very difficult for you.... unless your really wealthy and have super good attroneys to find reasons he should not have visitation rights. Even if they have to really dig, those high dollar lawyers can come up with something.

I dont know if your being reasonable to not want him to have any...
( visitiation rights)
how are you planning to make that happen?


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

I am on antidepressants now, and feel more calm. The divorce was an overreaction. It is still a very tempting option if I really was selfish and wanted to lead a comfy life. Instead, I am tolerating a little more. Hubby is trying to be nice to me, he hasn't yelled or criticized me once since the huge emotional breakdown. Good news is I lost about 8 pounds in this episode, just from not eating. Also good is the kids had no clue I was going through so much anguish. My side of the family remains supportive, so I plan to sell the house next spring, and rent an apartment with the kids, and hope Hubby will choose to live elsewhere, probbaly with his daughter. Looking back, I think Hubby is not a terrible person. He is bad with money. He is an awful housekeeper and roommate. He rarely spends time with me and the kids, but when he does, it is quite nice. Do I really want the rest of my life to be just "nice." I know I am shortchanging myself if I stay with him, because I will never get a chance to meet a man who is more compatible with me, who shares interests, have similar goals, and wants to raise kids. Staying with my hubby is also going to inevitably ruin me financially. I spent half my life building a secure future, and I can't bear to see it go downhill, just because I was too afraid to leave. I have to make a firm decision within the next few months, hopefully after selling the house.


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

After a huge fight, I was determined to sign a lease for a new apartment. I can plan the formal divorce later. It felt like the right thing to do. Hubby wants to not sell the house, so he suggested renting, which I admit is a brilliant idea, if we can find respectful, reliable tenants. Hubby also admited he felt I was going to hurt him by taking away everything he loved, his wife, his sons, and his house. Hello? I have been wallowing in stress and guilt for the past four years. He blames my problems on the kids, I blame it more on him. How could he call that a happy life? He has his computer for sex and companionship, he really doesn't need me. I just don't know what to do from here. Maybe I should clean, and post an ad for a roommate. Then, I can be free to move out, financially.


----------



## Sensitive (Mar 29, 2009)

Exit plan canceled. I am moving in opposite direction. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/reconciliation-stories/8130-my-heartfelt-story-still-progress.html


----------

