# Sex-ed for married adults....



## KatCan88 (Jul 20, 2011)

Ok,
So my husband and I were raised with some pretty cheesy families. We were taught that there was “the one” out there and that we should save ourselves for that person. So being the rebellious teenagers we were… We went against the flow of all other rebellious teenagers and listened to our parents!
We have been married for almost three years now, and are outrageously happy in every aspect of our marriage but one. Sex. I really don’t want to say we are unhappy with sex, just inexperienced in a manner of speaking. I want more fun in our sex lives, I want to learn things that I can do for him, and I also want him to learn things that he can do for me. I’m open to suggestions or book recommendations or anything you think might help.
Thanks!


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## saveamarriage101 (Jul 13, 2011)

well if you 2 are open with conversations, talk about what you would like from each other. Oral sex seems to always add some sugar and spice to the mix. Just to randomly start kissing him and work your way down to do the deed. Or vice versa.

Try to switch up positions, if you don't know many, google it!

As for book recommendations - visit my website.


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

Sinclair Institute.
Recommended by my case manager.
Lots of technical stuff but focus is on education and married sex (couples in the video are all married - to each other!)
I bought a set and watched and learned...they were so far from pornographic that I ended up getting those relaxing love-endorphins and pretty much falling asleep soundly every night from my homeschool 'sex ed' classes. 
It is worth the $. I am against pornography. Sinclair Institute is what it says it is. No nasty ads before the selections on the DVD. 
They cover a lot of ground with their video.
I think my next relationship will benefit from having watched it, and to see how it is SUPPOSED to be when people actually love each other and one person is not treating the other like a sex toy.
That said, whatever you're doing, it's infinitely better than technical excellence/competence without love.
PS It's supposed to also be fun! Like if you make mistakes, no big deal.


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## Lea2407 (Jul 14, 2011)

My husband and I both waited until we were married as well. It's really difficult because you just don't think about the fact that neither of you know what you're doing. You just assume it will all work out and be so special. We've been married for 9 years now and we still laugh about how naive we were when we first got married.

The fact that you want it to get better and are willing to learn is huge. Some people just give up when it's not exactly like they expect. Talking to each other really is the best thing you can do to improve. After all, you know what feels good to you better than anyone.

I agree with the poster above about having fun and not taking it seriously. Things just don't always work out the way you think they should, but you don't have to let it ruin the moment. Just laugh about it later. 

There are definitely tons of books out there to help you. However, I would say before looking into the books, you might need to decide what type of couple you are and what you're interested in learning. 

I don't disagree with Homemaker, but my husband and I are completely different. We're not a very romantic couple and we find a lot of books on sex in marriage to be much to cheesy for us. We're not really the type to "make love" which is what a lot of books explain. If this is your thing, you're definitely in luck. There's tons of books out there for you. If it's not, you might consider looking for books that are geared towards single people.

I tend to lean towards these types of books. I even like reading dating guides because there's no reason I can't try out the tips on my husband. It really helps me understand how my husband thinks and what attracts him and vice versa. Those things that attract/arouse you when you're single still work when you're married. I think too many marriages lose the flirting and attraction they once had. So, you can pick up some great ideas to keep your relationship fresh.

I got a bit off topic, but again, it all depends on what kind of sex life you want to have and your personalities as a couple. Talk to each other, be open to try new things, and play around finding what works for both of you. 

Just keep in mind that while a lack of experience/knowledge is a downside to both of you only having one partner, you don't have to worry about measuring up to previous partners. There's no way to judge your performance based on past experience. Also, everything is new, so you get to try anything you want without any bad experiences holding you back. So enjoy!


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## Mrs.Saucy (Jul 21, 2011)

If each of you made a list of things that excite you sexually or things you would like to try and gave it to each other, that would open the doors of exploration. Just enjoy and learn each other's bodies. Once you get the hang of giving each other orgasms and enjoying sex, you can explore some reading material, sex toys, lotions, potions.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Boy do I ever wish I had a time machine & could go back & ask the questions you are asking in the beginning of our marraige. it would have saved my husband alot of suffering & ourselves so many vanilla years. 

Good for you for asking & wanting to explore !! 

Sexually Confident Wife by Author Shannon Ethridge | Female Sexuality, Sex In Marriage | Available From Random House

LOVED this one >>> Amazon.com: Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (9780060834395): Ian Kerner: Books


Sounds good ! Amazon.com: The Good Girl's Guide to Bad Girl Sex: An Indispensable Resource to Pleasure and Seduction (9780871319340): Barbara Keesling: Books


(Excellent Christian book) Amazon.com: Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage (9782913356559): Kevin Leman: Books


(this book has great reviews!) Amazon.com: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Amazing Sex, Third Edition (9781592573271): Sari Locker: Books

Amazon.com: The Sexually Confident Wife: Connecting with Your Husband Mind Body Heart Spirit (9780767926065): Shannon Ethridge: Books

A sex Board Game -something a little different, so impressed with how many cards this game has, you can forget the board & just keep the cards near your bed! Amazon.com: Lover's Choice Discover Your Lover Game: Health & Personal Care


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## CoffeeTime (Jul 3, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Boy do I ever wish I had a time machine & could go back & ask the questions you are asking in the beginning of our marraige. it would have saved my husband alot of suffering & ourselves so many vanilla years.
> 
> Good for you for asking & wanting to explore !!
> 
> ...


Great resources!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Just communicate with him and experiment, you don't need to learn every position from every book or movie. :scratchhead:

Hell I hardly ever use up the missus' talents myself; as I don't like anal sex, or being tied up (only bc she scares me), or stuff in my manhole =/ Even with the rest of her sexual ripoture (is that how you spell it?), she still had to learn which buttons work best with me and which buttons just turn me off.

Experience is one thing but communication and the willingness to experiment and find out your own path is better. Besides the positions should be natural, not like "ok, let's do a 69, or you go spread eagle" etc etc. Go with the flow, express your desire and interest.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

open communication no holds barred is the key but these will help a lot.


Amazon.com: She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman (9780060538255): Ian Kerner: Books


Amazon.com: He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (9780060784560): Ian Kerner: Books


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## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

The DVD from the Sinclair Institute is not like high school sex ed. It covers a lot of stuff, including toys, role play, different locations, oral, anal... They don't even discuss the emotional side of relationships, they only focus on the sex and that the couples in the video are married. (Because who wants therapy when what you really want is carnal knowledge, of your spouse/partner)

If I'd had this education before my first real relationship (and I was his first, he must have put some serious effort into figuring it all out!) I would have felt so differently and not gone running off scared. Oops.

My H was competent technically, but failed to make it fun for me. For him he is into sexual dominance and control and apparently, unfulfilled desires (but only on my part).

You are lucky if you have the key ingredients which is that you are on the same page and willing to explore together what works for the two of you.


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## Day_Dreamer (Jul 21, 2011)

Yes if your in love with each other it will be easier to do crazy stuff me and my husband are also inexperience( he had 1 sexual partner before me and he is my 1 and only) but it doesnt mean its a down fall to sex I mean the only way you get experience is by having sex over and over and over again. I remember he tried from the back and I was so wet the 'it' slipped in the wrong hole! I screamed 'wrong hole wrong hole' and he freaked out and collapsed on top of me! it was so hilarious- we laughed so hard but it wasnt embarrassing it actually made sex better=] so just enjoy and try things out!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

^ LOL! :rofl:


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## lotus27 (Jul 14, 2011)

a quick reply your husband needs to know how to go down on you and make it long and pleasing , talk wile having sex not discribing ,but wanting.Touch each other holding hands in public is good.BE open to using sex toys in the bedroom will be fantastic.this i know i have been with my wife since she was 15 she is now 42 and sex is better NOW .


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

There sure are a lot of good resources available anymore, compared to back when my husband and I got married. Then, it was just trial by error. 

Here's a site that I first saw recommended on this forum that I have been using to get new ideas. After all, you're never too old to learn something new.

Your Guide for Sex Tips | SexInfo101.com


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