# History of abuse - is it worth it?



## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)

Whoops the profanity filter on here really is something, lol. The ***** above is supposed to be wh*re.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

From a guys point of view...He may have some messed up issues in his head about your past. I'm not blaming you at all for this. If he knew it before you two got married, then it is his issue. He's got to get past that. 

That being said, he has cheated on your twice....but maybe only feels like he got caught once? How did you find out about the second time? You said it was just within weeks of finding out about the first one right? He probably got away with the first one for a while and developed a very bad behavior pattern (as in serial cheating).

If he cannot get over your past....and you cannot get over his cheating, you probably need to seperate. But, your a little lucky that you don't have to see him till August. Perhaps you can sit back and wait for him to return...then wait at least another month or two before making your decision.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Anonymous_Female said:


> He most certainly does, you are right about that. I found out about the PA when she walked into our apartment at 10:30 at night looking for him. Yep--walked right in, the door was unlocked.


W
T
F

Seriously???

Ok I will psychoanalyze here: I think he blames YOUR past on hsi cheating. It helps him justify what he did knowing you ahve been w/ other men before him.

Does that make sense? Hell no. But taht is prob where he is able to rationalize it all away in his had.

I see a lot of problems here...


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I'm just going to repeat some advice since I am only 5 months out and still struggling... You probably need to wait a while before deciding, even if that means moving. It does seem like a gamble, but we all gamble when we take back a spouse who has cheated. 

I don't think my wife will ever cheat again, but I know she can. I'm taking a gamble because I love her and I want to keep my family togeather (2 young kids).

All the two of you can do right now is talk and wait for some time to pass.

I would say though....if it ever happens again from this day forward, you should leave. I have told my wife, and felt mean for saying it, that I would leave her within 10 seconds if I ever found out she did it again. 

I don't care what anyone thinks...coping with infidelity is damaging. I am physically, emotionally, and financially damaged because of what my wife did. I will even go out and say that if I don't die of some stress related illness or car wreck from not paying attention in the next year, that my life will certainly be shortened because of it. That was not her intension to cause that...but it is the reality of it.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

heck while we are at it....I'm still damaging myself financially. I'm a business owner and I am sitting on this forum while at work.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Anonymous_Female said:


> Let me add, he was a manwh*re before we were together too. I have never been jealous about his past or cared at all; the past is the past. He says he knows it's a double standard but he doesn't care because he thinks I should have been above it.


Not good.

People who hold you to a different standard than they hold themself = drama and unfair.

The fact OW walked right into your house and started calling for him means she was so familiar with being at your place that it was second nature for her.


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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

I see your point about age and stuff. I'm 34 and my wife is 33. Hit the gym and you will get over that quickly. I have more women looking at me now than I can ever remember. Then again, I've lost a lot of weight and put on a lot of muscle. Just marveled over the fact this morning that I can now leg press 4x my body weight. What I'm saying is that you will be just fine if you need to be.....just gotta work at it.

Post-nup is a good idea. I have delayed building our dream home. And I have decided not to have vasectomy (something we had decided to do before my D-Day)


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## it-guy (Jan 6, 2011)

You did not stand a chance. Did not matter if you were the perfect wife and great looking. Heck, the OW could have very well been significantly less attractive than you.

I really hope you can work it out. I have a soft spot for kids. I hate that they have to grow up without both of their parents, when we as parents screw up. 

Sounds like you are on the right track anyway. We all come here to vent and reassure ourselves that we are doing the right thing, and that we are not alone in the way that we feel. I for one have been comforted by this forum if only because I found out that I was not crazy. I found out that the feelings I had (very bad..don't want to describe) soon after D-Day were quite normal. That made me feel somewhat better.


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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Anonymous_Female (Apr 16, 2011)




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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Good luck at your attorney's. Write down any questions you may have beforehand so you don't forget anything.


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