# Humbling oneself



## linkil07 (Mar 29, 2016)

My husband and I have been through a lot. I feel like I have forgiven and brushed things under the rugged more than I should have these last 8 years. The most recent event is that I caught him sexting an ex girlfriend that he has refused to end contact because of past events. I don't know how to trust him now. I kicked him out of the house. I said if you can't think of how to fix this, leave and come back when you do. Now all I want to do is call him and see if he's ok. Why isn't he begging to come back? I always tell him what he needs to do to fix it a and he just repeats what I say, but never follows through. All I want is for him say he's sorry, tell the skank that he doesn't want anything more to do with her and tell me he won't do it again. Is that so hard? Am I really being that unreasonable?


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## Adelais (Oct 23, 2013)

Sexting is not appropriate. You did the right thing by establishing a boundary and sticking to it. You love him, and you want him to do the right thing. You have given him the opportunity to do the right thing, and so far, he hasn't. He is proving to you that he will continue to cheat. Do you want to live the rest of your life with a man you can't trust?

No, you are not being unreasonable at all.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

linkil07 said:


> My husband and I have been through a lot. I feel like I have forgiven and brushed things under the rugged more than I should have these last 8 years. The most recent event is that I caught him sexting an ex girlfriend that *he has refused to end contact because of past events.* I don't know how to trust him now. I kicked him out of the house. I said if you can't think of how to fix this, leave and come back when you do. Now all I want to do is call him and see if he's ok. Why isn't he begging to come back? I always tell him what he needs to do to fix it a and he just repeats what I say, but never follows through. All I want is for him say he's sorry, tell the skank that he doesn't want anything more to do with her and tell me he won't do it again. Is that so hard? Am I really being that unreasonable?


Can you expand on this a bit?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## WhyMe66 (Mar 25, 2016)

linkil07 said:


> My husband and I have been through a lot. I feel like I have forgiven and brushed things under the rugged more than I should have these last 8 years. The most recent event is that I caught him sexting an ex girlfriend that he has refused to end contact because of past events. I don't know how to trust him now. I kicked him out of the house. I said if you can't think of how to fix this, leave and come back when you do. Now all I want to do is call him and see if he's ok. Why isn't he begging to come back? I always tell him what he needs to do to fix it a and he just repeats what I say, but never follows through. All I want is for him say he's sorry, tell the skank that he doesn't want anything more to do with her and tell me he won't do it again. Is that so hard? Am I really being that unreasonable?


To him these are unreasonable demands because he wants what he wants and doesn't need anyone telling him "no." He hasn't called because he now sees that he has a "Hall Pass" (remember that awful movie?) and can do as he pleases unfettered. Sounds like Mom and Dad never told him "no" much, either. Could be wrong but I don't think so. Also, I hate to say it but by now he most likely has moved from sexting to sexing...


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

He is not a husband. Not in any meaningful sense of the word.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Sylvia Smith (Aug 24, 2015)

linkil07 said:


> My husband and I have been through a lot. I feel like I have forgiven and brushed things under the rugged more than I should have these last 8 years. The most recent event is that I caught him sexting an ex girlfriend that he has refused to end contact because of past events. I don't know how to trust him now. I kicked him out of the house. I said if you can't think of how to fix this, leave and come back when you do. Now all I want to do is call him and see if he's ok. Why isn't he begging to come back? I always tell him what he needs to do to fix it a and he just repeats what I say, but never follows through. All I want is for him say he's sorry, tell the skank that he doesn't want anything more to do with her and tell me he won't do it again. Is that so hard? Am I really being that unreasonable?


Why is it so hard for him to understand that sexting an ex-girlfriend is absolutely inappropriate! He is not behaving as he should at all. You are definitely not being reasonable. If he cannot be a good husband to you, then I don't think you should bother about this relationship much. You need a man who can honor you and a marriage; you need someone you can trust. If you're still feeling unsure, then give it some time (without any contact with him ) and see if he understands and comes back to you. Get some help here 5 Reasons Why Men Cheat and Lie.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

linkil07 said:


> Am I really being that unreasonable?


Absolutely NOT. You did exactly what you should have. He CHEATED on you.

The trick now will be to stick to your guns. You have GOT to keep yourself from contacting him. Look up The 180 

https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

and do it, and also go No Contact. When you need help staying strong post here.


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## Marduk (Jul 16, 2010)

linkil07 said:


> My husband and I have been through a lot. I feel like I have forgiven and brushed things under the rugged more than I should have these last 8 years. The most recent event is that I caught him sexting an ex girlfriend that he has refused to end contact because of past events. I don't know how to trust him now. I kicked him out of the house. I said if you can't think of how to fix this, leave and come back when you do. Now all I want to do is call him and see if he's ok. Why isn't he begging to come back? I always tell him what he needs to do to fix it a and he just repeats what I say, but never follows through. All I want is for him say he's sorry, tell the skank that he doesn't want anything more to do with her and tell me he won't do it again. Is that so hard? Am I really being that unreasonable?


I'm sorry this happened to you.

He's not begging you to come back because he'd rather chase the ex girlfriend.

I wouldn't take him back.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

linkil07 said:


> My husband and I have been through a lot. I feel like I have forgiven and brushed things under the rugged more than I should have these last 8 years. The most recent event is that I caught him sexting an ex girlfriend that he has refused to end contact because of past events. I don't know how to trust him now. I kicked him out of the house. I said if you can't think of how to fix this, leave and come back when you do. Now all I want to do is call him and see if he's ok. Why isn't he begging to come back? I always tell him what he needs to do to fix it a and he just repeats what I say, but never follows through. All I want is for him say he's sorry, tell the skank that he doesn't want anything more to do with her and tell me he won't do it again. Is that so hard? Am I really being that unreasonable?


No, you're being naive and, well, dumb. He has SHOWN you who he is. But YOU think you can turn him into something else - a decent husband.

Time to grow up.


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## anewstine (Mar 23, 2016)

linkil07
I totally get where you are coming from, I have done the same (forgiven/brushed things under the rug) for years as well, 16 year in total. I have threatened divorce, thought about divorce, even did some planning but then we had our son 5 years ago and I continued to forgive and brush because I wanted to keep my family together. It didn't work. I gave up so much for so many years and it didn't work. Late Jan he confessed to cheating, a one night stand although now I think that there is more going on, and then early Feb he says he isn't happy and wants a divorce. That's it...no remorse, no I will try to fix things, no nothing. He isn't the person I married, he is making immature choices, and basically a mid life crisis I think. I hate him and yet I want this pain to stop and my family to stay together....but at what cost? You are not being unreasonable but learn from my mistakes. If he isn't going to respect you as his wife he needs to shape up or ship out. We deserve so much more! We deserve to be respected, loved, cherished, listened to, considered and should be given pride of place as their wives. I hate that you are going through so much pain, I hate that I am going through so much pain and that my son will be affected by all of this. But I need to realize that I can not control this situation, I can not control him. I can only control myself and my actions. It is not my fault he is an idiot.


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## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

anewstine said:


> linkil07
> I totally get where you are coming from, I have done the same (forgiven/brushed things under the rug) for years as well, 16 year in total. I have threatened divorce, thought about divorce, even did some planning but then we had our son 5 years ago and I continued to forgive and brush because I wanted to keep my family together. It didn't work. I gave up so much for so many years and it didn't work. Late Jan he confessed to cheating, a one night stand although now I think that there is more going on, and then early Feb he says he isn't happy and wants a divorce. That's it...no remorse, no I will try to fix things, no nothing. He isn't the person I married, he is making immature choices, and basically a mid life crisis I think. I hate him and yet I want this pain to stop and my family to stay together....but at what cost? You are not being unreasonable but learn from my mistakes. If he isn't going to respect you as his wife he needs to shape up or ship out. We deserve so much more! We deserve to be respected, loved, cherished, listened to, considered and should be given pride of place as their wives. I hate that you are going through so much pain, I hate that I am going through so much pain and that my son will be affected by all of this. But I need to realize that I can not control this situation, I can not control him. I can only control myself and my actions. It is not my fault he is an idiot.


I am sorry that you find yourself in this position. And I agree that your situation is very like that of the original poster.

One thing wrong in both your situations is that Walt Disney is NOT running your life. There is no magic wand that will turn your husbands into decent human beings. In fact, the more you show that you are willing to tolerate your husband's activities, the more you enable him to have those activities.

We often say that the wandering spouse is in an "affair fog". I suggest that there is also a betrayed spouse "affair fog" as well. The husbands have been out f*****g other women, enjoying it, and then coming home to each of you with grins on their faces.

You've got to be the adults here. Talk to a lawyer NOW with the intention of filing for divorce. The pain will stop only after the divorce.


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## 86857 (Sep 5, 2013)

linkil07 said:


> My husband and I have been through a lot. I feel like I have forgiven and brushed things under the rugged more than I should have these last 8 years. The most recent event is that I caught him sexting an ex girlfriend. . .


8 years of it & he's still doing stuff? 
You kicked him out & now want to call him to see if he's doing OK?
I'm sure he's doing fine. 
Divorce.


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