# wife has filed for quick divorce



## Dusty72 (Sep 16, 2015)

Hi my wife separated from me in early September,then a couple of weeks later filed for divorce under grounds of unreasonable behaviour,although we have kept in touch and met up a few times,she text me last night saying she wants to put distance between us as it is raw and we both need time to heal before we can become friends..
I'm a bit suspicious as my gut tells me there possibly is an om in the picture
We don't have children together,just wondered why she is doing a 180 on me now....i was no saint in our 3 year marriage,but she had checked out on me about 18 months ago giving me the " I love you but not in love with you" speech.
Appreciate your thoughts please
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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Live and learn. No kids? Easy.

It really doesn't matter what she did or didn't do. Own your part, become a better person and spend the next year improving yourself. Then when the next relationship comes along, you'll be a better partner.

Whether SHE does those things or not doesn't matter. Why would you want to keep in touch with your ex wife if there aren't kids? 

The best revenge is living well. Look forward, not back.


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## Dusty72 (Sep 16, 2015)

Yes thanks enjoli,I suppose its because I still love her...and its only been a few monthssince dropped the bomb on me
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## BioFury (Jul 9, 2015)

I agree that you should own your mistakes, and become a better man. But the goal of doing so shouldn't be finding a better and hotter woman to replace your wife. Keep in touch with your wife, and when she's calmed down, find out what she needs from your relationship, that you weren't providing, and start providing it. 

If there is a OM, then there isn't anything you can do about that. But I wouldn't assume that just because.


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## Dusty72 (Sep 16, 2015)

Thanks biofury,but by the time she probably will want to contact me again,we will probably be when she gets her decree absolute in about January 2016,the decree nisi will only take about 4 weeks,then its six weeks and one day,before the marriage is dissolved in a British court....be too late then ,unless I'm Richard burton and she is Elizabeth taylor
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## ButtPunch (Sep 17, 2014)

BioFury said:


> I agree that you should own your mistakes, and become a better man. But the goal of doing so shouldn't be finding a better and hotter woman to replace your wife. Keep in touch with your wife, and when she's calmed down, find out what she needs from your relationship, that you weren't providing, and start providing it.
> 
> If there is a OM, then there isn't anything you can do about that. But I wouldn't assume that just because.


This is bad advice, IMO. Accept the divorce and move on with your life as quickly as possible.


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## Mr.Fisty (Nov 4, 2014)

Love is a a process. It is not an emotion, and it takes time to abate like it takes time to build up.

The goal is to keep living your life and keep self improving until you are ready to move on. The longer she is distant and you have no contact, the faster that loves dies. Love is a demanding mistress in which it takes work to remain viable. Of course, if you glorify her in your head, you keep that infatuation there by reinforcing that thought.

In reality, we all are unique, but replaceable as mates.


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## ReidWright (May 15, 2014)

18 months in to your marriage and she quits? without even trying? utters the "i'm not in love with you" line?

even if there wasn't another man, it sounds like she wasn't that invested in your relationship, and you should be glad she pulled the plug so soon. She could have strung you along for 10 years.

I would be curious to hear her side of what "unreasonable behavior" and "not a saint" meant.


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## New_Beginnings (Nov 16, 2015)

18months is quite some time to be out of love with your partner. I would give her the divorce and not work towards being friends. It's easy for her to say that, how you two can work on a friendship eventually but you're still in love with her. This will end badly, if she does eventually have a BF then you will have to heal again from more pain.

Cut your losses with no more contact to begin your healing process. I would be socially involved, in things outside of work and home. This will allow you to remain busy and help moving forward without her.


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## Tron (Jan 31, 2013)

Dusty72 said:


> Hi my wife separated from me in early September,then a couple of weeks later filed for divorce under grounds of unreasonable behaviour,although we have kept in touch and met up a few times,she text me last night saying she wants to put distance between us as it is raw and we both need time to heal before we can become friends..
> I'm a bit suspicious as my gut tells me there possibly is an om in the picture
> We don't have children together,just wondered why she is doing a 180 on me now....i was no saint in our 3 year marriage,but she had checked out on me about 18 months ago giving me the " I love you but not in love with you" speech.
> Appreciate your thoughts please


She has been slowly checking out of the marriage. In general, by the time the W does what your W has done, they are done with the marriage. 

Could be an OM or might just be that she resentment has built up so much that she thinks you two are no longer compatible. Either way, she has told you she doesn't want you anymore.

Let her pay for the divorce and get the best result out of it that you can.

Start figuring out what you did wrong in this relationship, get some counseling etc. and get to work fixing that. If you don't, those issues will follow you into the next relationship.

And I would be clear with her that you have no interest in being "friends" with her in the future. This is BS she is feeding you to make herself feel better and alleviate guilt.


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## Dusty72 (Sep 16, 2015)

Thanks everyone for great advice,I must just move on ,the friends stuff would never work out....if you want the history of this terrible marriage you can find it headed "separated from wife initiating no contact" in the main relationship page as it would take me an age to rehash it all here
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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Dusty72 I have read your other thread, please move on from this second wife. If she ever really loved you she would never have insisted on you selling the house from underneath your kids feet ( a decent woman does not do these things) or to stop drinking when it was not a problem to the marriage. She also didn't like your kids. Even though you put her first, she dumped you.

She sounds like he has a host of her own demons that have never been dealt with, I sincerely hope you didn't finish your first marriage for this woman, cause she wasn't worth it tbh?


Move on.


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## Dusty72 (Sep 16, 2015)

Thanks aine , 

Yes I believe she has a lot of emotional issues emanating from her childhood ....

I didn't finish my 1st marriage for her , my 1st wife was cheating on me..

Thanks for your wise words , I will move on , I have to ...no where else to go but forwards


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## Decorum (Sep 7, 2012)

About 100% of the time when they give you the "I love you but..." speech there already is an OM, so that is your time frame, 18 months.
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## Dusty72 (Sep 16, 2015)

Decorum said:


> About 100% of the time when they give you the "I love you but..." speech there already is an OM, so that is your time frame, 18 months.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I seriously don't think she is like that , but these past few months she has lied to me about things ...who knows , once the divorce goes through in early spring 2016 she'll probably have a guy in tow saying "I've only just met him"...she is an attractive woman after all


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Sounds like she's doing you a favor from reading your other thread. 

If my wife gave me the ILYBINILWY speech, especially after I've made myself into a top notch husband and dad I'd pack her bags for her. But that's me, and my marriage is different. 

But I also agree there is a good chance there is OM waiting for her to be ex/Mrs. Dusty72. If so, let him have her. 

You state that you are still in love with her. That needs to end. No kids with her, then there is no reason to stay in contact. 

She says you two need to heal and not contact each other so you can eventually become friends. NO WAY do you need her as a friend. 

Any calls/texts/emails from her should not be answered.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

No friendship. Nada. Tell her she can keep dreaming that dream...it's not going to happen.


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## DanielleBennett (Oct 9, 2015)

Well damn since you have no kids you could get a clean break from her and start over new. You wouldn't need to owe her anything and just be free. Sounds like she found a new man to be with and wants distance from you so you don't find out about it. Just give her the divorce and make it sweet and easy. Maybe it will mess with her head that you are giving her what she wants instead of begging her to stay. Then you can move on with your life and be happy, but do make sure you seek some sort of counseling to help you with the transition. Here is a good support site that can help you with divorce if you want. Free Divorce Information and FAQ's. Do It Yourself Divorce Papers and Forms.


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

There is no glue here (18 months married).

She's not your friend. Go completely dark, this will help you move on.

The we can be friends was just meaningless breadcrumbs


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