# My heart hurts so bad



## Redoak (Nov 7, 2008)

This post crosses a few topics, but mainly, my struggle is infidelity. My wife & I have been married for 8 years, 40 years old, no kids & I love her. A few months after our marriage, she had a severe manic episode (2-week hospitalization), and was diagnosed Bipolar I. First year was rough with the recovery and after months, I decided that I said "I do" and I wouldn't leave her if she had cancer, so I dug in and learned. The years that followed had good and bad and I felt we were put here for each other. She got treatment, stayed with it, and we had the normal frustrations that dealing with BP as she was mostly on the depressed spectrum.

She had a male college friend that she kept in touch with. To be honest, I always knew he liked her a bit, but she was always sure to tell me she only saw him as a friend. I never had a reason to suspect she was lying. I am not a jealous type and she had had 2 relationships in the past end in cheating, she said she would never do it. Also, before our marriage, I told her that I had lost a woman I loved to an affair and that I probably couldn’t tolerate another one. I drank heavily for 5 years afterward (sober now), and it really affected my life. I just couldn’t get over it. We agreed we abhorred cheaters. I never felt the need to stalk her or check her FB account. 

Last winter, she was pretty depressed and needed some sun. We live in the north and her old friend and his girlfriend, of a few months, live in western NC. His girlfriend had contacted her about gardening, which my wife loves, and helping them put one in. I supported her and thought it was a good idea to get out. She went down for a week, then another 4-5 days a month later. We checked in every night and I was happy she seemed to be getting some benefit of being in the sun.

Mid July, the friend was in a severe motorcycle accident and nearly killed. I flew her out twice to the hospital, where he was in a coma. She was devastated, understandably so, but her devastation lasted longer than I could understand of a friend. I supported & tried to uplift her. In a few months he was released to his family’s home, not far from us, she went up a few times to be with his family, then said she wasn’t going to go up for a while. Honestly, I don’t know how he survived, but he was recovering well considering. Some brain/nerve damage, and loss of the use of one arm & couldn’t walk on his own, but was on the road to some type of life. She seemed upset one day and after asking her, she said he was being inappropriate. After a little more talking, I gathered that he was pressing her to leave me and start a relationship with him. She said it made her uncomfortable. I consoled her saying that he probably always had a crush on her and now that his life was severely changed, he was probably striving for any relationship. She agreed that was probably the case.

A month or so later (this past Thanksgiving) we got this weird letter in the mail from his family asking her not to contact him, come up, or try to meet him in any way. The letter was not legal, but said that she was hindering his recovery. Something didn’t seem right. She was upset by the letter, but she told me that he kept FB messaging her to be with him and she was constantly reminding him she was happily married. She figured the family saw that this upset him, and that he had enough to deal with, so they severed contact on his behalf. I will admit that this seemed plausible, but weird. When she received the letter I calmly asked her if there was anything more to this story that I didn’t know. She said no. I asked her a few more times over the next couple weeks because something didn’t seem right. Her answer was always the same.

3 weeks ago, my wife elevated to another severe mania very rapidly, the first one in 7 years. I had to have her hospitalized. I was torn apart as you understand. The first 2 weeks, she was not responding to treatment and mostly delusional psychotic. If you’ve dealt with this you understand, they will say anything, some can be very hard to hear from someone you love, but it is just psychosis. I wasn’t able to see her much, but I was there any time I could be, telling her we would get through this. 

Last week while on a visit, she was upset with me because the nurse had stolen her kidney and was mad I would go get it for her. Obviously delusional. I consoled her and she fell asleep. She woke up a few minutes later and looked me dead in the eye and started to spill this story about how she had been sleeping with her friend. I initially thought it was a delusion, but some of her details made sense. As she spouted this info, I started getting this sinking feeling that some of this may be true. I actually looked down to make sure that something wasn’t puncturing my stomach as the pain was so bad. I held myself together as I couldn’t be sure. She was, after all, in a mental institution for psychosis.

I went home and thought, I need to investigate. To make a long story short, it was true. There never was a girlfriend. The whole story of a girlfriend and gardening was made up to make me feel secure and allow her to go and spend the week with him. From what I have gathered, he must have always been after her to some extent, and she finally gave in. But it was not only a “lapse of judgement” as only she would know how to concoct a story that would work on me, so it was pre-planned. I fell apart and am still reeling. My shock is complete.

So, as I type this. I am struggling. I can’t stop crying, then getting angry because I can’t even confront her about it. I can’t stay in our home and have gone to my parents as our entire home disgusts me. As her advocate, I have to support her though this hospitalization, and I have visited her twice since finding out. Her condition has not improved, so there has been no discussion of the affair, she hasn’t been lucid. My heart is broken for her condition & what she is going through and I want to see her recover, but at the same time I have deep disgust and feel like I want her to suffer for what she did. These 2 emotions are tearing me apart. I want to divorce her, as I feel they played on my trust & hope to lift her out of depression. I feel like my only option is to get her stable, then divorce her. I hate her so much right now. I can’t stop thinking of them being together. I need any advice I can get on how to get through this.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Don't forget to take care of your basic health.

I know full well it is hard.

Consider your marriage done for now and get some peace from that.

Your thoughts are fine.

You could actually start the divorce process now.

Don't worry about looking bad. You can still care about her well being and healing but not wish to continue the marriage.

Your intentions are more honorable than many.

Don't let anyone use her mental condition as an excuse.

Get your legal ducks in a row. Talk to a lawyer and see what works best for you.

Very sorry she did this to you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Wouldn't hurt to get some counseling as well. You sound like a stand up guy and there are many good women who appreciate nice men.

Try reading some books to see if you get anything from them.

No More Mr Nice Guy and Married Mans Sex Life Primer are two with some good take aways.

Take what heals you and spit out the rest.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I agree with Conanhub, her state of health has no bearing on what you must do. She has deceived you in the worst possible way. Start the divorce proceedings now. She may well use her health issues to emotionally blackmail you (it appears she is capable of great deception). If she has family, you should advise them of the current circumstances and let them take care of her and just walk away.


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## ThePheonix (Jan 3, 2013)

"From what I have gathered, he must have always been after her to some extent, and she finally gave in." 

"I can’t stop thinking of them being together." 

My take is these two have been f-cking off and on since college. All her anti-cheating talk was nothing but to lead you into a blind ally and play you for a stooge. She was highly successful. And regarding you not being able to stop thinking about them being together, they can't stop thinking about it either. 
But here's something you can take to the bank. When a woman wants to be near a man in his time of sickness, they upgraded their relationship from platonic long ago. You got duped my man. 
Bottom line, you need to ditch this broad.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Start the divorce. 

You still have time to find someone that will be true. Life is too short to waste another minute on this woman.

Take care of you.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Unless you have an overriding compassion to stay with a women who no matter how ill would concoct such a story 
to leave you and go off with some one else whilst feeding you lie after lie I would strongly be unable to resist 
divorcing such a manipulative women in a heart beat

Of course you could stay with her and be forever looking over your shoulder for the rest of your days on this Earth


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## wmn1 (Aug 27, 2014)

yeah. Protect yourself. Obvioulsy, she betrayed you. Worry about yourself and move on. No kids = clean break except for a house sale. 

Why else would you stay ??

Crippled guy plus psychotic wife.... let them match each other.

You have better days ahead


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

Have you spoken to your parents or friends as talking to people will help you immensely


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Get yourself to your doctor for some stopgap medical help.

Then contact the person who sent your wife the letter to learn about what they know and why they wrote that letter. 

You should also look at the legal situation.

Your wife is mentally ill and he was able to use her for his own sexual needs, perhaps by working on her mental ill health.

In your capacity as her advocate have him served with whatever legal notices you can. Use them to destroy him in as far as you can. 

And prepare for the rest of your life. Which may or may not include your wife in it.

I think counselling will be of great benefit to you and your wife. Though counselling people with a mental health issue as severe as your wife is WAY beyond my meagre training.

She needs the right kind of professional help.

BTW how did laughing boy meet with his accident? He wasn't crossing someone else, was he? Did he have an accident or was he run off the road?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

Speak to a lawyer and discuss your options. You've been married 8 years and your probably starting to come up on length of marriage and alimony implications. 

You have no idea if she will come back to this side of reality or not. My crazy ex stepped to the other side of reality 3 years ago and has stayed there. Look up uptown in the search function and read his posts of mental illness, you will find them insightful. Often people with issues are more ticking time bombs than anything. 

Her affair adds a whole new layer of problems and hurt for you and I'm do sorry you have had to experience this.


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

MattMatt said:


> BTW how did laughing boy meet with his accident? He wasn't crossing someone else, was he? Did he have an accident or was he run off the road?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Beat me to it matt :iagree:


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## dash74 (Jan 3, 2015)

honcho said:


> Speak to a lawyer and discuss your options. You've been married 8 years and your probably starting to come up on length of marriage and alimony implications.



This ^

in some states if your wife is found to have a disability after so many years you can be on the hook for life


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## alte Dame (Aug 7, 2012)

I think you are handling this very well under the circumstances. In my opinion, your instincts are exactly right. Make sure her health is as stable as possible and then divorce. I would get the divorce ball rolling right now. See an attorney and find out what your obligations are re spousal support, etc.

So sorry for your pain.


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## jsmart (Mar 14, 2015)

ThePheonix said:


> "From what I have gathered, he must have always been after her to some extent, and she finally gave in."
> 
> "I can’t stop thinking of them being together."
> 
> ...


I know you love her and are in pain but you have to divorce. I agree with ThePheonix that this relationship has been going on longer than you think. They must have had a FWB type of thing going that he wanted to take to next level but it appears like you were probably providing the better lifestyle. Now with the accident, she feels needed. 

With no kids, this is a no brainer. You need to file for D. There is nothing but more heartbreak and drama with this woman. Do a 180 so you can detach, get a lawyer so you can know your rights. Don't bother talking about R because she's going to want to be there for her bad boy. Work on regaining your sense of self. You just took an emotional beating. Make sure you eat and get some sleep. Some guys lose their appetite. Drink Ensure to get some calories and protein. Talk to your doctor to get a temp sleep aid if you can't sleep.

Don't show her any of your hurt. Go outside for a walk and cry your eyes out but don't give her the satisfaction. If you need to vent, find a buddy that you trust or come here to vent. There is always a TAMer that you can kick ideas around with. 

I'm praying that God gives you strength to move forward. There is life after this.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Red oak,

Not much advice other than what the other have said. Everytime I think I have heard all the stories, one comes along that is more awful than any others.

Given all her own issues, it would be hard enough to take care of her WITHOUT the infidelity. Now throw this concocted betrayal in, I think with no kids you need to remove this woman from your life. What can she possibly say to make this OK????

This was not bumping in to some old boyfriend at a bar and falling on his penis. Whatever her mental state it was clear enough to come up with this story to betray you.

Whatever you decide, I wish you strength.


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## Roselyn (Sep 19, 2010)

Woman here and 36 years married. You need to consult a divorce attorney and start with the proceedings immediately. I agree with one of the posters here with the statement that your wife was having an affair with this man throughout your marriage.

You cannot make an excuse of her mental state for the concoction of her story about the interest in gardening and the non-existent girlfriend. This fabrication is very intricate and deliberate.

Your attorney can guide you to extricate yourself from your cheating wife. The Other Man's family saw how toxic your own wife has been to their loved one. They wanted her out of his life for her deceit.

No need for you to waste your life with this imbecile. You need to have a life that you deserve. You are without children. You need to leave this woman as quickly as you can. Save your wallet and your mind!


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Hi Redoak, 

I like your username, as oak is how I would have described you from your post. You're a troubled oak because you want to support and help her, but it hurts you to admit the depth of her deception and betrayal. 

I'm a blunt truth teller, but I'm not without sympathy. You agreed to a tall order once you decided to stay with her after her diagnosis. On the one hand, that decision speaks to your dependable nature. On the other, there are forces when it comes to Bipolar that neither you nor anyone else can hope to overcome. 

Not to sound negative, but there is no way you can help her, there is no way you will cure her, there is no way that your actions, words, and good intentions won't suddenly turn around to stab you when she's having a bad day. 

I once believed that everyone deserves to be happy, but at face value. What I needed to learn that the ones who deserve happiness are those that seek it intensely in their lives, not simply live for someone else's happiness thinking it will effect a positive change in another's manner or situation. Certainly not because they are trying to do the "upstanding" thing expected of them and martyr themselves to a cause that only succeeds in sapping every last ounce of their health and happiness. (Sorry if this offends any posters, but) That is the journey you are on when you are married to Bipolar. 

Your eyes were blind to who she was, because you were trying to do the right thing and be a good person. Now you see what really is and you are bitter that your efforts are not only wasted, but dug into the ground by her boot. The way you are feeling now is normal for a person that hasn't lost every ounce of self-care, so don't for a minute allow yourself torment over it. Don't take a more complicated view than is needed. She has wronged you, plain and simple. 

If you remain with her, you will have decided to overlook her lies and transgressions. Even if you found it in your heart after a time to forgive her, the veil has been lifted and you'll likely never be able to trust her again. Her episodes will become worse and more frequent over time. She'll require constant therapy. She will be (if not already) heavily medicated, changing the old and "good" parts of her you remember in order to (attempt to) stave off the psychosis. She may frequently rebel and stop taking her meds, and you'll be stuck handling whatever comes as a result. You are already well aware of what happens during one of her manic episodes.

None of us can choose or speak for you, but I hope that whatever you decide, you choose your own path, without pressure from others. They do not live your life. You do. They are not responsible for your happiness. You are.


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## akashNil (May 20, 2012)

Agree with what others are saying.

On possibility - 

She might be trying to tell you something which she cannot tell in normal sane conditions. 

She might be loving you. Maybe she needs your help.

Just a wild guess, which can be completely wrong. In any case, best wishes to you.


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

It may not seem like it now, but this is a golden opportunity to be rid of this trash. I would make the most of it. You owe her nothing after what she has done to you. Good luck man.


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## happyman64 (Jan 12, 2012)

RedOak

Does your wife have family that can help her?

I think you have received valid advice.

Your wife clearly betrayed you.

Get her healthy. Implement a divorce.

Then pack your wife up and deliver her to the POSOM.

Your wife deserves him.

Heck, I would respond to his families letter and let them know that you know their relationship is mutual and that in the near future she will be joining POSOM for good.

They truly deserve each other.

I understand you love your wife. Understand this. Manic or not she does not love you.

Start thinking of yourself.

HM


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

She has been deceitful and calculating the whole time.

EJECT! EJECT! EJECT!

North Carolina huh? You could file suit for Alienation of Affection unless he gives you a written and notarized affidavit listing all the cheating and how long it's been going on that you can use when you divorce her on grounds of Adultry.

Talk to his family to get their side. VAR and copy EVERY THING! for evidence. Carry VAR when you have any interactions with her or POSOM/family.


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

Get tested for STD's.
See an attorney.

Do not allow her to destroy your life.
If you do not respect yourself then who will?


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

The letter from the POSOM's family. 

This was perhaps written from the POV of him being an angel and a golden child who would never, ever even look at a married woman, let alone use his knowledge of her mental health issues to coerce and cajole her into cheating on her husband!

She was a wicked temptress who corrupted our darling and utterly pure little cade lamb!

In reality he was undoubtedly a womanising POS.

Sue him for alianation of affection and anything else you can think of.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

Redoak said:


> I want to divorce her, as I feel they played on my trust & hope to lift her out of depression. *I feel like my only option is to get her stable, then divorce her.*


I would agree with you.

Now is the time to get your ducks in a row while she's not around. Talk to an attorney, separate your finances. Finalize your exit strategy.

Sorry you're here.


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## G.J. (Nov 4, 2014)

MattMatt said:


> The letter from the POSOM's family.
> 
> This was perhaps written from the POV of him being an angel and a golden child who would never, ever even look at a married woman, let alone use his knowledge of her mental health issues to coerce and cajole her into cheating on her husband!
> 
> ...


Certainly makes you think what story he's been spinning


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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

almost nothing worse than realizing that almost your entire relationship was not what you hoped/thought it was.
i was there not too many years ago. you have my sympathies and prayers.

in my observation and experience, when people are mentally ill, their illness more often than not spills out beyond the obvious clinical manifestations and
their extreme neediness often translates to more of a propensity to cheat. i am not saying this is true of all the mentally ill, but i would say more than 'healthy people'.

mentally healthy people can control their impulses better because they are more well adjusted and less apt to look beyond themselves to resolve their pain.
the result can have them fleeing their own pain and seek 'losers' like your wife did.

you really have know choice but to leave this situation or face a life of misery. 
she needs more help than you can give her. way more.
you must face and deal with the grief, pain and separation, but you must detach also.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

Psychosis through Nervous Breakdowns aggravated by manic depression.

Be sure to find her some good support before you leave. don't want this to turn into another suicide thingy!
You don't owe her anything. Just to make your conscience clear if any crazy stuff does happen.

Be sure to find your self some support as well. go get some therapy!


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## imjustwatching (Jul 8, 2014)

You need to file for a divorce like yesterday!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Re the letter, could this whole affair be in her head? I find it odd they would try and get rid of her. She may have been stalking him.

Do you have any information directly from him or his family?


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## Be smart (Feb 22, 2015)

Sorry you are here my friend.

You are in difficult situation. Some people will call you a bad person if you go for a Divorce.
Just remember this is your life and you deserve to be happy.

Your wife cheated on you long time ago,this is not started when she went to visit him and his "girlfriend". 
Also she have deep feelings for him,because she stayed with him during his accident.

You need to talk with your lawyer and have your papers ready.

One other thing is you need to expose this Affair to close friends and family. Make sure they know the full story and why you are going for Divorce. 


Stay strong.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Chaparral said:


> Re the letter, could this whole affair be in her head? I find it odd they would try and get rid of her. She may have been stalking him.
> 
> Do you have any information directly from him or his family?


That's a damn good point.

A divorce based on a delusion? 

Have to guard against that.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

Redoak said:


> This post crosses a few topics, but mainly, my struggle is *infidelity*. My wife & I have been married for 8 years, 40 years old, *no kids*...


I completely stopped reading after this as the rest of it basically irrelevant.

No kids and infidelity? BAIL NOW. And thank god you didn't knock her up.


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## sixbravebulls (Aug 18, 2015)

This story might be the craziest one I've read yet. I'm sorry to read this. My best recommendation is yoga.


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

sixbravebulls said:


> This story might be the craziest one I've read yet. I'm sorry to read this. My best recommendation is yoga.


Also, NLP might help.

An NLP audio course stopped me wanting to tangle with a particularly evil manager at a job I used to work at. And it cured my fear of spiders, too.


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## Popcorn2015 (Sep 10, 2015)

Sounds like a couple of horrible people got hit by the karma bus. Literally, in the case of the OM.

Oak, get out now. You've wasted enough time on this ho. Cut your losses.


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## MarriedDude (Jun 21, 2014)

Chaparral said:


> Re the letter, could this whole affair be in her head? I find it odd they would try and get rid of her. She may have been stalking him.
> 
> Do you have any information directly from him or his family?


This could actually be the case. My wife had a stalker...guy she knew in elementary school (we are in our 40's). He had some entire relationship built in his head -nothing based in reality at all. It was kind of scary. Found out from his wife -he had done it before. 

Could be something similar


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## scatty (Mar 15, 2013)

Your wife has a very serious mental illness. I also suffer fro BPI and it is very hard on both the afflicted and the family. I have done and said things while manic that I continue to feel guilt for to this day, because they were, in no way, based on reality. No kids, I would say go. Medication can only do so much, has to be readjusted, logic goes out the window. 

I will say I never lied to my spouse, I never had a need to because I didn't know what I was doing/saying was wrong/odd/mean. My only question is why would she lie if she didn't know it was wrong??


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

OP- no kids- I would file now or at the very least speak to an attorney an start lining things up. You can get the ball rolling while she is recovering. You do not owe her an extension or pause. She certainly showed you no such consideration.

Get checked for STDs.
Speak to an attorney.
Take care of yourself.
Find a new advocate for her.


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## Sports Fan (Aug 21, 2014)

Divorce is your only option.

Her health has nothing to do with her betrayal.

She owns that


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## Uptown (Mar 27, 2010)

Redoak, thanks so much for returning to give us an update on your situation. I'm so sorry to hear that things have gotten much worse. When we last discussed your situation three years ago, I observed that many of the behaviors you describe are warning signs for BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), not for bipolar-1. I also noted that it is common for a bipolar-1 sufferer to have co-occurring BPD as well (see my *12/3/12 post* in your other thread). Five days later you stated that, after reading more about both of these disorders, you agreed that your W appears to suffer from "BPD as well as Bipolar I."

If you now have second thoughts about that view, I would suggest you read my description of major differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar-1 sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW). I list those differences in my post at *12 Bipolar/BPD Differences*.



> I feel like my only option is to get her stable, then divorce her. I hate her so much right now.


I agree with the other members suggesting that you get the divorce process started now by seeing an attorney -- but not reveal it to your W until she has had time to recover and become more stable. I also suggest that you start thinking of that righteous anger (which you feel so intensely) as YOUR FRIEND. For excessive caregivers like you and me, that anger is very protective -- giving us our best chance of actually leaving the toxic marriage. I therefore encourage you to nurse that anger and use is, like a crutch, to help you walk away. Then, a year or two later when you are safely away, it will be time to kick that crutch aside.



> I need any advice I can get on how to get through this.


As I wrote in your thread three years ago, having bipolar disorder and/or BPD does not give one a free pass to be abusive and vicious to one's own spouse. Moreover, the folks suffering from these disorders will not have a strong incentive to learn how to manage their issues unless they are allowed to suffer the logical consequences of their own bad choices. This means that, if your W has strong BPD traits, your enabling behavior is actually harming her by destroying her incentives to confront her own issues and learn how to manage them. This also means that it is a big mistake to think of these disorders as comparable to having cancer or a missing leg -- things over which one has no control.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

3leafclover said:


> I agree with the posters who say you should get the ball rolling on divorce now and not wait until she's "healthy" or "stable", but I have a slightly different take on it.
> 
> Your wife has a lifelong mental illness, and if you wait until she is out of the hospital and "stable" (which will likely never be quite as stable as the average person), she's likely to head straight back into either a severe depressive episode or the same kind of psychotic episode she's in right now as soon as you break the news to her. Much better for her to already be in a safe environment where she can get the care and support she needs.


But I suggest you talk with her Psychiatrist! Tell the doctors your plans and whether to break the news after or before the recovery

You need an experts opinion!

It does not take a lot to fathom the consequences. This is a very Serious matter that could well be life threatening to your WW.


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## eastsouth2000 (Jul 21, 2015)

intheory said:


> If it's in her head; where did she fly to, when she went to NC? Since apparently there was no girlfriend or flower garden (according to the family of the OM)


There was this previous case of a wayward wife who had manic depression.

-she had a threesome with strangers
-she taped the encounter
-she bought a ticket went to vegas to perform at a strip club then just came back
-she was doing chatter-bates when he wasnt around
-she was crazy
-she plotted to kill her husband

Instead of divorcing he consulted a Psychologist and Neurologist.
It was found out that she had Dementia! the worst kind!

Part of her brain was no longer function those that deal with Inhibitions!

BH is still taking care of WW.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I guess I would first take the advice of the professionals caring for your wife, to see if she is capable of being held responsible for her actions. I suspect they'll say she is. But listen to them first.


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## TDSC60 (Dec 8, 2011)

I think this latest episode that hospitalized her is a result to her losing the man she loved most - OM. She was lucid and planned the North Carolina cheating trip with logic and intent to deceive you. The whole elaborate plan and cover story was incredibly detailed. She has been involved with this guy since college. You said his family is local. I would wager that she hooked up with him every time he visited his parents.

Having said that. I recommend divorcing now, for her sake. I don't think nursing her out of the hospital only to dump divorce on her will be beneficial for her. Get it done now. That is the best path for both of you.


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## TaDor (Dec 20, 2015)

When my wife cheated, it was only for two months or so and lying over the course of a month. She has come quite clean with everything - gave me access to everything and getting therapy, actually both of us. She has some bipolar disorder, nothing on the scale of yours, RedOak.

But as others have said, like TDSC60 - it has been going on for years, with lots of planning and if not for the accident, would be continuing today and that it has nothing to do with her being bipolar. I also agree that her current manic episode is because she's been forced into NO CONTACT from his family. If she spends months in that hospital, she may end up right back in there or worse if you wait for her to "get better".

Good luck. And yeah, therapy does help!
Take care of yourself first.


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