# Trying to be Strong...but I love my Wife



## HubbyBear (Oct 16, 2013)

My wife told me three weeks ago in therapy she wants a separation. I was shocked as earlier at dinner she was planning out Christmas gifts for my nieces and nephews we would be visiting this Christmas. 

I am trying to be strong and we have worked out the rules for our separation. We will go to couples therapy and individual therapy. I am moving out to an apartment and we will have weekly "dates." The problem is that she wants to date other people because of her lack of "experience". I am the only person she has ever been with and because of her weight before me, she was too insecure to have intimate relationships with her dates. I have loved and cared for her for nearly six years and even now, she is the only one I want. It kills me to think of her with anyone else.

Part of our problem is that we have a "Parent-Child Transactional relationship" based on my childhood trauma and mental health issues. Because of this when I get upset or stressed, I shut down and start lacking in my responsibilities at home. This causes my wife to stress because she takes over the responsibilities. I have been in therapy to address this and it was in this therapy she broke the news to me. 

I have never met anyone like her and we compliment each other. She tells me that love and romance were never the issue with us, it was my shutting down and letting stuff in the house go.
I am being strong and respecting her space and moving out soon but I am afraid that she is separating with me not to work on our own self improvement but to make the end of our marriage easier for her. 

I don't know any help or advice is welcomed. I know I have to be patient but right now, I feel like I am in Bizzaro world.


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## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

She's cheating on you and wants to continue to have intimacy with the other man. It's at the point now that she finds it inconvenient to keep the affair hidden so she's "legitimizing it" with all these new "separation and date other people" rules.

Now that I've clarified this for you and you realize she's been cheating on you, what do you plan to do about it?

Go along with her scheme or kick her to the curb?


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

lenzi said:


> She's cheating on you and wants to continue to have intimacy with the other man. It's at the point now that she finds it inconvenient to keep the affair hidden so she's "legitimizing it" with all these new "separation and date other people" rules.
> 
> Now that I've clarified this for you and you realize she's been cheating on you, what do you plan to do about it?
> 
> Go along with her scheme or kick her to the curb?


I wouldn't tell people that their wife is cheating on them without solid evidence. This is just circumstantial.

What I will tell you, is that if she isn't already - she wants to sleep with other people. Are you okay with that?

I wouldn't be.


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## accept1 (Sep 23, 2013)

Your wife is looking elsewhere. Do you both work and do you have kids. Did your counselor/therapist suggest this and advise her to do this. Because of lack of experience sounds a funny reason. Who put that into her head.


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## Maneo (Dec 4, 2012)

Hang in there. Stick with the counseling. Those who jump to conclusions of infidelity on your wife's part are not necessarily right. But don't be blind if evidence indicates such activity.


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## GotLifeBack (Sep 12, 2013)

Maneo said:


> Hang in there. Stick with the counseling. Those who jump to conclusions of infidelity on your wife's part are not necessarily right. But don't be blind if evidence indicates such activity.


This.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

HubbyBear said:


> My wife told me three weeks ago in therapy she wants a separation. I was shocked as earlier at dinner she was planning out Christmas gifts for my nieces and nephews we would be visiting this Christmas.
> 
> I am trying to be strong and we have worked out the rules for our separation. We will go to couples therapy and individual therapy. I am moving out to an apartment and we will have weekly "dates." The problem is that she wants to date other people because of her lack of "experience". I am the only person she has ever been with and because of her weight before me, she was too insecure to have intimate relationships with her dates. I have loved and cared for her for nearly six years and even now, she is the only one I want. It kills me to think of her with anyone else.
> 
> ...


Do you have access to her cell phone records? Text logs? Chats? IM's?

How about email passwords? Facebook?

Put a keylogger on her computer.

And, last but not least, do not move out because she says so.

That's a chump move.

You're likely just making room for her affair partner.


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## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Do you have access to her cell phone records? Text logs? Chats? IM's?
> 
> How about email passwords? Facebook?
> 
> ...


Put a voice activated recorder in her car and I'll second-do not move out-just file. See what happens.


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