# Falling in Love with a Friend's Husband



## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

Hello everyone. This is my first post as I have really been searching for a place to talk about this. I cannot talk to anyone here about this for obvious reasons, but needed to find a place to gather my thoughts and have people help me think rationally about things. I hope this is the right place. This is going to be long and I apologize.

I think I am falling for a friend's husband. 

A little back story on myself and my DH. We met when I was 19 and he was 40. Yes there is 21 years between us. I was in school and working and he was a higher up at the company I worked for. We were strictly co workers for two years or so. Something happened along the way and feelings developed. I was always the type to attract the jerks and he was so kind and sweet and I fell in love with that. Marriage, 12 years, and 2 kids later, things aren't as great. 

It's like we've become roommates. I don't expect things to be exciting all the time. I live in reality. I expect there to be fights. I expect things to get boring. I expect there to be rough patches and challenges. But I didn't expect it to be like this. 

After the kids were born I began to notice that he never initiated sex. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he never initiated it in our relationship. I sat him down and talked to him about this and told him that I needed him to be affectionate and that I can't be the only one initiating all the time. This led to him initiating at the most inopportune times (first day of my period, when the kids are restless and up and down all night)....times when he knows I'm going to turn him away. 
Then money issues. I pay all of the bills and sometimes it can be very stressful trying to balance when everyone is going to get paid and making sure we have enough money to last until the end of the week. It's not always like this, but that's reality and sometimes it is. He will randomly go out and spend a few hundred dollars and I will get so angry. I had that money set aside for x and he just blew it on nothing. I have yelled, cried, begged, pleaded, etc with him to help me. To sit with me and watch me pay the bills, to understand where our money goes, to help with this rather than make it a bigger issue and stressor for me. It's the same as the sex talk we have often. He says he's sorry, says he will learn the passwords and start to help, and then he never does. Nothing changes. 

He never tells me I'm beautiful, never takes me anywhere. I'm not talking about romantic getaways. I'm talking a walk down by the water. It doesn't cost anything, but it's time with just the two of us. I have a large network of friends that he could ask anytime to watch the kids, but never does. He sees our friends husbands doing it though. It's like everything else. We talk about it, he says he will try harder, and doesn't. I have tried to ask him what I need to work on and he says nothing. How can I be better if I don't know where I'm failing?

I got sad and lonely. Throughout the last few years of our marriage I gained a considerable amount of weight, around 70 lbs to be exact. I withdrew from my friends, became a horrible cleaner around the house, and a horrible mother to my kids. No one in my circle of friends really talks about their relationships so I felt like I was the only one going through this. 

Fast forward to last year. A friend's husband called for some reason and when I answered the phone he said "hey sexy". It was random and meant nothing, but it felt amazing and after I got off the phone I began to cry. It had been so long since I had heard anything like that, and I was looking the worst I had ever looked. Something changed. I started working out and all of the weight I gained is almost gone, however nothing has changed in our marriage. I have threatened to leave him, threatened to cheat, threatened whatever I have because I deserve to be happy. I don't even feel like I am in love with him anymore.

Finally over a few glasses of wine a few months ago a friend of 5 years and I were talking about relationships and I was finally letting go and talking about the issues we have been having. She told me that I should talk to her DH because they went through the same thing, only she was my DH and I was hers...if that makes sense. So one day I worked up the courage to talk to him about it hoping I could get some answers about how to fix my DH and I. He says that nothing has changed in their marriage and that he just gave up. Things aren't better, they just are. The more we talked the more I found out how similar our relationships are. 

One night a line was crossed and I kissed him. I don't know what made me do it. I have never even looked at another man since I have been with my husband. It has been about a month and we talk all the time, sometimes about our relationships, sometimes about other things. I know the grass is always greener, but it's like we are exactly what each other has been wanting. He has said the same thing to me on more than one occasion. We have kissed multiple times, but it's never gone any further than that. However, my kids happiness is far more important than my own and I can't ever see myself leaving my DH. 

I guess that's a good starting off point. I'm sorry to just lay it all on the table. I have no one to talk to. I have never felt so alone. Both of my parents are deceased and my brother and I aren't close. I have some amazing friends, but none that would condone what I have done or what I am doing. I don't want anyone to condone it really...I don't know. I am just so lost. I have been so happy lately. He tells me everything I need to hear and it feels so good. 

Thank you for listening if you've gotten this far. I'm scared. I'm 33 and can't see myself living this unhappy for the next 30 or 40 years.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

You don't even know what you want. You say you won't leave your husband but you can't see yourself living this way for the next 30 or 40 years. 

You need a serious reality check honey. Your husband is never going to change. If you want to be happy in your marriage you need to lower your expectations of him. 

Whatever you are going to do with your marriage you need to stop communication with your "friend's" husband. And FYI YOU ARE NOT her friend!!


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## marriedglad (Dec 5, 2011)

What you're doing can't be condoned. It is already very destructive that you've kissed your "friend's" husband on more than one occasion. The truth is you are breaking a marriage. You may not like it, but you can't break someone else's marriage just because yours is falling apart. If things aren't going well with your husband then remember that you married a guy 21 years older than you. He might almost be as old as your Dad if he was alive. What you're facing is generation gap: the incompatibility that kids start to have with their parents when they enter teenage. 

The guy is getting old, and losing interest in things. You can't expect him to have the same enthusiasm as you. Do you see couples who are above 50 and what they do? They don't exactly do the things that people in their 30s do. The problem has risen because of a difference of interests. What you expect from him is perhaps too painful and boring for him no matter how romantic it is for you. I know 50 is not too old of an age, but still it is the onset of the twilight of your life.

More importantly, do you realize that the guy you've kissed is an absolute jerk. You shouldn't be falling for him. He's a married man and calls other women "sexy" and even kisses them! Seriously? You shouldn't even think of breaking your marriage for a guy who's cheating. Even if you do, remember that if he chooses to stay with you over his wife then be prepared to face a time when he might choose to live someone else over you in the future. The guy is simply not worth the trouble. 

There's no denying that you've not been happy in this marriage, but you really need to lower your expectations, and stop thinking about the other guy. You have kids, if you do something stupid, it'll be a terrible example for them . 

What you need to do is try to find out what your husband likes to do. Find out his interests, and surprise him with them. Make sure that you accompany him in all the activities. And as you're saying, your finances aren't exactly flexible. That might also be the reason for your husband's distracted behavior. Maybe he feels lost as he's not able to keep his family happy, and might have given up as a result of it. 

Speak to your husband, motivate him, kiss him. Show him that you're there for him for support, not for complaints. Take your entire family for a picnic.

P.s. - Of course, whatever you do, make sure it is within your budget.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

Love Song said:


> You don't even know what you want. You say you won't leave your husband but you can't see yourself living this way for the next 30 or 40 years.
> 
> You need a serious reality check honey. Your husband is never going to change. If you want to be happy in your marriage you need to lower your expectations of him.
> 
> Whatever you are going to do with your marriage you need to stop communication with your "friend's" husband. And FYI YOU ARE NOT her friend!!


Thank you for your honesty. I would love to know how to lower those expectations. I know I don't want to destroy my kids lives, or his life, or my life for that matter. I just want to know how to fix us and I have no idea how to do it. I don't know how to fight for this when it feels like I'm the only one fighting. 

I agree. I am not a friend. I never ever could have seen myself doing anything like this. It does need to stop. I know I have been telling myself this, but I really needed to hear it from someone else.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

marriedglad said:


> What you're doing can't be condoned. It is already very destructive that you've kissed your "friend's" husband on more than one occasion. The truth is you are breaking a marriage. You may not like it, but you can't break someone else's marriage just because yours is falling apart. If things aren't going well with your husband then remember that you married a guy 21 years older than you. He might almost be as old as your Dad if he was alive. What you're facing is generation gap: the incompatibility that kids start to have with their parents when they enter teenage.
> 
> The guy is getting old, and losing interest in things. You can't expect him to have the same enthusiasm as you. Do you see couples who are above 50 and what they do? They don't exactly do the things that people in their 30s do. The problem has risen because of a difference of interests. What you expect from him is perhaps too painful and boring for him no matter how romantic it is for you. I know 50 is not too old of an age, but still it is the onset of the twilight of your life.
> 
> ...


I should absolutely have not used the word condoned. What I am doing, what I have done, cannot and should not ever be condoned. I guess what I was trying to say is that I can't talk about it with anyone in real life because what I really need is help to fix my marriage, but once I got into the other man issues, the focus would be on that and not on my marriage. I don't know if that came out right. Like there would be so much anger and disgust that who would want to help me after that point. 

I am just as much of a jerk as he is, and actually feel I am moreso than he. I know deep down that this is a grass is always greener situation. I have just been alone and sad for so long. 

When it comes to his interests, short of watching sports on tv he really doesn't have any. I have tried to get him to do things he enjoys, but he doesn't. I have tried to get him to meet people and make friends, but he won't. I'm trying. I really am, but I just don't know what else to do. 

I appreciate your help and really appreciate your advice. I am the only one that can make me happy. I know i need to stop this with the other man. 

How do you lower your expectations? How do you just accept the fact that it is what it is?


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

longingforlove said:


> Thank you for your honesty. I would love to know how to lower those expectations. I know I don't want to destroy my kids lives, or his life, or my life for that matter. I just want to know how to fix us and I have no idea how to do it. I don't know how to fight for this when it feels like I'm the only one fighting.
> 
> I agree. I am not a friend. I never ever could have seen myself doing anything like this. It does need to stop. I know I have been telling myself this, but I really needed to hear it from someone else.


Cut off all ties with this woman and her husband. Sorry, but that's the price you pay for infidelity.

Get your a*s into counseling with a good pro-marriage counselor who will hold you accountable for your actions. Then you need to insist with your hubby that he go to counseling with you. Demand it. If he refuses, if he fails to work on the marriage after your repeated attempts to make things better, if he fails to live up to his husbandly responsibilities by ignoring your requests to save the marriage, THEN you can file for divorce, and walk away from the marriage knowing you did your best to save it. 

Don't cheapen yourself and your life with your husband by taking the coward's road to "happiness" by cheating with another man. That's lunatic and you know it! Grow up!


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

You are making a whole lot of excuses to justify your actions/thoughts. Wrong thing to do. 

The excuses needs to stop immediately. If your unhappy in your marriage, either fix it or divorce your husband before you develop feelings for someone else.

You, yourself, are accountable for all your actions. Only you can make yourself happy.

I just re read your post. If your husband is not willing to work on the marriage, then separate. If he loves you and you love him, work at saving the marriage. Right now as it stands, he's not going to change unless you make a drastic move.

All marriages go through stages. I have a very good marriage with the man I adore and there are times where we do live like roommates in the past. I still loved and adored him, but we were busy and did not have the time to focus on another.

One thing I've never in my life with my marriage was threaten, scream or nag at my husband. If something doesn't get done, oh well. It will be there tomorrow. Both my husband and I have zero expectations of one another. 

We both have been married previously. I had a child and he did not with our exes.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Cut off all ties with this woman and her hsuband. Sorry, but that's the price you pay for infidelity.
> 
> Get your a*s into counseling with a good pro-marriage counselor who will hold you accountable for your actions. Then you need to insist with your hubby that he go to counseling with you. Demand it. If he refuses, if he fails to work on the marriage after your repeated attempts to make things better, if he fails to live up to his husbandly responsibilities by ignoring your requests to save the marriage, THEN you can file for divorce, and walk away from the marriage knowing you did your best to save it.
> 
> Don't cheapen yourself and your life with your husband by taking the coward's road to "happiness" by cheating with another man. That's lunatic and you know it! Grow up!


Thank you. I need to look into seeing if there is any good marriage counselors in my area. I don't know of anyone that has been to one. Does anyone know where I should begin my search? I want to fix this, but just have no idea how.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> You are making a whole lot of excuses to justify your actions/thoughts. Wrong thing to do.
> 
> The excuses needs to stop immediately. If your unhappy in your marriage, either fix it or divorce your husband before you develop feelings for someone else.
> 
> You, yourself, are accountable for all your actions. Only you can make yourself happy.


I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make any excuses. I'm really not. I know what I've done is beyond despicable. No one deserves that. I know that I am responsible for the life I have chosen and the things I have done. 

I do want to fix it. I have been trying to fix it, but I don't know how. I do know that we need to talk to someone, because he won't talk to me.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

longingforlove said:


> Thank you. I need to look into seeing if there is any good marriage counselors in my area. I don't know of anyone that has been to one. Does anyone know where I should begin my search? I want to fix this, but just have no idea how.


It's a roll of the dice. Counselors are like coats: you have to try them out to sort the flakes from the good ones. And when I say a good counselor, he/she needs to first of all be pro-marriage. Not all relationship counselors are pro-marriage believe it or not. 

There are also specialists called "relationship coaches" who can teach you and hubby how to communicate again. They are more geared towards action and "solving the problem", whereas counselors tend to try to find the root of the problem and then fix the problem. Either way, a good counselor will hold you and your husband accountable for your actions and inactions, and be tough on you when you need them to be. 

Right now, if I were your counselor, I wouldn't be cutting you any slack. I would be telling you the same thing all the posters here have told you: turn around and walk away from this other man and sever all ties with him and his wife.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

longingforlove said:


> I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make any excuses. I'm really not. I know what I've done is beyond despicable. No one deserves that. I know that I am responsible for the life I have chosen and the things I have done.
> 
> I do want to fix it. I have been trying to fix it, but I don't know how. I do know that we need to talk to someone, because he won't talk to me.


Your first paragraph or two are excuses. He's not going to change. You can not change him. I learned this with my first husband. He was abusive and very unfaithful. 18 years later he's much worse.

BTW, congrats on losing the weight. I know how difficult it is. I've done it 3 times myself!

You'll be much happier on your own. I'd leave if it were me.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> It's a roll of the dice. Counselors are like coats: you have to try them out to sort the flakes from the good ones. And when I say a good counselor, he/she needs to first of all be pro-marriage. Not all relationship counselors are pro-marriage believe it or not.
> 
> There are also specialists called "relationship coaches" who can teach you and hubby how to communicate again. They are more geared towards action and "solving the problem", whereas counselors tend to try to find the root of the problem and then fix the problem. Either way, a good counselor will hold you and your husband accountable for your actions and inactions, and be tough on you when you need them to be.
> 
> Right now, if I were your counselor, I wouldn't be cutting you any slack. I would be telling you the same thing all the posters here have told you: turn around and walk away from this other man and sever all ties with him and his wife.


Thank you. I cannot imagine that all marriage counselors wouldn't be pro marriage. That seems ridiculous. I'm glad that I know this now. 

I don't expect anyone to cut me any slack at all. I know I've done a horrible, inexcusable thing. I read many posts on here before I posted and I knew what I was going to get. I think I needed to hear it. 

I think a marriage counselor is the way to go. There are obviously deep issues that we need to work on before we can even begin to fix our problems. I don't just want a band aid solution.


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## Maricha75 (May 8, 2012)

longingforlove said:


> Thank you. I need to look into seeing if there is any good marriage counselors in my area. I don't know of anyone that has been to one.* Does anyone know where I should begin my search?* I want to fix this, but just have no idea how.


Google: Marriage counselors [my city] then hit enter. It really is that simple. Then, you call to see how much they charge, and go from there.

I have to admit, when I read what you did... kissing the husband... I wanted to slap you. I had a "friend" who acted just like you. The only difference is that she and my husband never met in person...THANK GOD! If they had, I likely would have beaten her for what she did. She pretended to be my friend, all the while, she was making a play for my husband. THEN she had the audacity to be pissed off that we chose to fix our marriage and I made him write a no contact letter/text to her. And how did she suck him/us in? By telling us that her relationship with her fiance was horrible... by giving this "poor me" attitude that her fiance was cheating on her, she didn't feel loved, etc. It makes me sick when these thoughts come rushing back. 

Now, step one, you need to come clean with your husband and let HIM choose what happens from here. Send a no contact letter to that other husband and end the "friendship" with both of them.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> Your first paragraph or two are excuses. He's not going to change. You can not change him. I learned this with my first husband. He was abusive and very unfaithful. 18 years later he's much worse.
> 
> BTW, congrats on losing the weight. I know how difficult it is. I've done it 3 times myself!


You're right. They are. There are no excuses...I suppose that I was trying to maybe get people to understand the desperation of the situation I feel like I am in. 

This is where I feel horrible. He does not abuse me. He has never hit me. He has never cheated on me. Who am I to complain? I am sorry for what you went through with your first husband, but glad you found the strength to get out. 

lol thanks. It is hard to lose weight and it's an ongoing battle for sure. I just realized that the extra weight wasn't making me any happier and it needed to go.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> Get your a*s into counseling with a good pro-marriage counselor who will hold you accountable for your actions. Then you need to insist with your hubby that he go to counseling with you. Demand it. If he refuses, if he fails to work on the marriage after your repeated attempts to make things better, if he fails to live up to his husbandly responsibilities by ignoring your requests to save the marriage, THEN you can file for divorce, and walk away from the marriage knowing you did your best to save it.


I was actually going to suggest this but I didn't think she would listen because she already said she would never leave her husband. OP I think this is good advice, it's what I would do.


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## Love Song (Jan 16, 2012)

longingforlove said:


> He does not abuse me. He has never hit me. He has never cheated on me. Who am I to complain?


Your you that's all you need to complain. If your not with a guy who you are compatible with and it's making you unhappy that's all you need to complain. Put in the work to be happy and make sure he puts in the work too. A marriage is not a one sided contract don't treat it as such.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

Maricha75 said:


> Google: Marriage counselors [my city] then hit enter. It really is that simple. Then, you call to see how much they charge, and go from there.
> 
> I have to admit, when I read what you did... kissing the husband... I wanted to slap you. I had a "friend" who acted just like you. The only difference is that she and my husband never met in person...THANK GOD! If they had, I likely would have beaten her for what she did. She pretended to be my friend, all the while, she was making a play for my husband. THEN she had the audacity to be pissed off that we chose to fix our marriage and I made him write a no contact letter/text to her. And how did she suck him/us in? By telling us that her relationship with her fiance was horrible... by giving this "poor me" attitude that her fiance was cheating on her, she didn't feel loved, etc. It makes me sick when these thoughts come rushing back.
> 
> Now, step one, you need to come clean with your husband and let HIM choose what happens from here. Send a no contact letter to that other husband and end the "friendship" with both of them.


I'm so sorry. I don't blame you at all for feeling the way you do. I need to focus on what is most important right now and that is my family and fixing the issues with my husband and I. I'm glad that you and your husband were able to work things out and get her out of your lives. I will have no problems walking away from this to put my attention where it needs to be.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I am pro marriage, but I am also anti-neglect. OP's husband may not be an abuser but he has neglected her and his marriage, and that is wrong too.

If her husband is not willing to get off his lazy a*s and be a husband to his wife, then he desn't deserve to keep her. She should move on and find a man who gives a damn.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

longingforlove said:


> You're right. They are. There are no excuses...I suppose that I was trying to maybe get people to understand the desperation of the situation I feel like I am in.
> 
> This is where I feel horrible. He does not abuse me. He has never hit me. He has never cheated on me. Who am I to complain? I am sorry for what you went through with your first husband, but glad you found the strength to get out.
> 
> lol thanks. It is hard to lose weight and it's an ongoing battle for sure. I just realized that the extra weight wasn't making me any happier and it needed to go.


I know he doesn't do those things my ex did, but my point is he never changed. You can't expect someone to change unless they are willing and they see a problem.

Your husband in my opinion is disrespecting you by not listening to you and working on your marriage. Age has nothing to do with it, it's who he is. He put you on the back burner so to speak. That is not right.

My lesson from my first marriage is you can not change someone into who you want them to be no matter how hard you try.

From reading your posts, you've tried very hard in working on your marriage. Your title threw me off a bit. Having feelings for someone else doesn't seem to be the issue here. Your husband not wanting to work on your marriage seems more appropriate.

It's up to you to find your own strength to get out and move on if your not happy. There doesn't have to be a bad reason to leave a marriage. Your young, you have a whole life a head of you.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

Love Song said:


> I was actually going to suggest this but I didn't think she would listen because she already said she would never leave her husband. OP I think this is good advice, it's what I would do.


I don't ever want to leave my husband. I don't want to be one of those people who think marriage is disposable and can walk away from one and into another. Yes there are absolutely good reasons to end a marriage, but if I can save this I really want to. I love my children. I love my husband. I don't want to ruin any of their lives. 

However if I have given absolutely everything I have, and honestly sometimes it feels like I am almost there, then I will not have a choice. I don't want my children growing up as a product of divorce, but sometimes it's healthier than staying together.


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

You don't want to leave him but you're falling in love with another man? Whether you realize it or not you WILL ruin all their lives if you continue on this path you're on.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

Love Song said:


> Your you that's all you need to complain. If your not with a guy who you are compatible with and it's making you unhappy that's all you need to complain. Put in the work to be happy and make sure he puts in the work too. A marriage is not a one sided contract don't treat it as such.


We were though. Things were good in the beginning...although I suppose they always are. I guess maybe I've changed and so has he. We need to find that again. 



bandit.45 said:


> I am pro marriage, but I am also anti-neglect. OP's husband may not be an abuser but he has neglected her and his marriage, and that is wrong too.
> 
> If her husband is not willing to get off his lazy a*s and be a husband to his wife, then he desn't deserve to keep her. She should move on and find a man who gives a damn.


Thank you. I know I'm not perfect. I know there are areas that I need to work on within myself. I have asked him. Begged him to tell me things I need to change. Things that don't make him happy, and he says nothing. 



I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I know he doesn't do those things my ex did, but my point is he never changed. You can't expect someone to change unless they are willing and they see a problem.
> 
> Your husband in my opinion is disrespecting you by not listening to you and working on your marriage. Age has nothing to do with it, it's who he is. He put you on the back burner so to speak. That is not right.
> 
> ...


Thank you. I understand what you are saying. I know that I likely wrote the post the way I did because I needed to hear people be harsh with me. I needed that slap in the face that it needs to stop. I knew it did, but needed to hear it. I may be falling for someone else, but I love my husband. If I let someone else cloud my judgement and distract me from making it work then we don't have a chance in hell.


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## longingforlove (May 28, 2012)

Mavash. said:


> You don't want to leave him but you're falling in love with another man? Whether you realize it or not you WILL ruin all their lives if you continue on this path you're on.


I know it will ruin the lives of everyone. His wife, his kids, my kids, my husband, extended family and friends. Everyone. I know it needs to stop, and it will....not will, has. This forum was exactly what I needed. 

I don't know if falling in love is the right words. I just forgot what it felt like to feel good. To feel like someone cared. To feel like I wasn't just a housekeeper, someone to took dinner and tend to the kids. But it's not love. It's the idea that things could be different that was attractive.


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## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

Infatuation is what you are feeling. Its not real, and its definitely not reciprocated. The other man sees you as a potential peace of a*s, nothing more.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

I


longingforlove said:


> I don't ever want to leave my husband. I don't want to be one of those people who think marriage is disposable and can walk away from one and into another. Yes there are absolutely good reasons to end a marriage, but if I can save this I really want to. I love my children. I love my husband. I don't want to ruin any of their lives.
> 
> However if I have given absolutely everything I have, and honestly sometimes it feels like I am almost there, then I will not have a choice. I don't want my children growing up as a product of divorce, but sometimes it's healthier than staying together.


I completely disagree with this. If I would of stayed in my first marriage, I would seriously be in a mental hospital. 

I remarried and these last 13 years with my husband has been the best years of my life. He didn't leave me when I broke my neck at the age of 34 and became disabled. Instead he lifted me up and supported me every step of the way. We don't fight or argue ever. He is my best friend. I couldn't be more blessed with the man I'm married to now. He always has put my needs before his own. I never take anything for granted and I count my blessings daily.

Leaving my first husband was the best thing I did for my daughter. My husband raised her and has shown her what a real man is. Her biological father hates her because she is a woman. He refuses to allow her to talk to her siblings even on the phone. He completely disowned her. He told her he had an affair 3 times on his current wife when she was 15. There was no way I would allow my daughter to be raised in a abusive home.

Good luck with everything!


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## This is me (May 4, 2011)

longingforlove said:


> Thank you. I need to look into seeing if there is any good marriage counselors in my area. I don't know of anyone that has been to one. Does anyone know where I should begin my search? I want to fix this, but just have no idea how.


Good good!! Agree to only stay with a MC that you both agree with. We went to one who was no good and then found one we both like. I should say like may not be what you always feel if they challenge you both like they should. There are also Marriage workshops which can be very helpful. Google search, check with your local churches.

I wish you both well, and avoid the friends husband at all costs!!


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## In_The_Wind (Feb 17, 2012)

Hi long sorry you are here the grass is never greener and I agree with what others have said 
If you have a major university near you could see if they have have a marriage and family 
Center these are graduate students who are training to become therapist and are over seen by 
Practicing therapist and just need x number of hours to complete their program they are very
Afforable and extremely helpful my wife and I went to one for approx 6 months and we have a great relationshiptoday because of it actually we had 2 student therapist and it was like 30.00 a session 
Good luck
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Nicole R (May 11, 2012)

Relationships are difficult; people often lose sight of why they fell in love in the first place. Becoming aware of the way you think and behave and then replacing it with more productive thoughts and behaviours takes effort, but it can drastically improve the state of your relationship and help you to overcome a great deal of relationship challenges. This practice involves using your brain's plasticity to strengthen connections with certain (preferred) behaviour patterns, and the more it is practiced, the stronger the connections get. 
There is something The NEXT Program offers, The Program for Couples & Families, that uses your brain's plastic functions to guide you and your partner to having a happy, fulfilled relationship, in 24 weeks It offers something traditional therapy doesn't--results. 
Check out the website, it's definitely worth a look. http://www.theNEXTprogram.com


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Your relationship has become stale and you are not in love with the other guy, you are in love with the feeling of romance. Your brain just got a big dose of dopamine. listen to what everyone is telling you here before you fall into a well you can't get out of.


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## Toffer (Jan 31, 2012)

Sorry but you've already crossed a few lines and your involved in an affair, at the least an emotional one and although you haven't had sex with this man, you have started a physical relationship with him.

STOP. If your marriage is truly that bad and if you ever truly cared for your husband in the past, at least be decent about it to him and divorce him before you start sleeping with the other man. 

Please also note that you'll be destroying two families in this process. 

Your marriage is in need of serious help. Counseling is what the two of you need ASAP. You are sliding down hill fast


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

No comments to add other than this is the "stereotypical affair story." 

To a T.


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