# To those in Sexless marriage? What would you do if offered $1,000,000 to have a successful sexual encounter with your SO?



## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I came across an interesting thought exercise the other day for people in sexless marriages. 

What would you (the high libido (HL) person) were offered one million dollars to have sex with your SO (the low libido (LL) person within 24 hours? 

The conditions of the challenge are that you have 24 hours to get your SO to have CONSENSUAL sex within 24 hours BUT you could NOT tell them about the million prize at the end. 

So basically you could not force or coerce them or make them do anything against their will under duress. And you could not tell them that you would get prize money at the end. You had to approach and seduce and get them to willingly and consensually have a sexual encounter with you.

What would you do? 

How would you approach them? How would you express yourself and your desire? Would you get all polished up and take them out on some kind of romantic candlelight dinner date? Drinks? A hike in the woods with fresh air and sunshine? Offer a full body oil massage by candlelight? Obtain some cannibis/edibles etc? Offer to rebuild the patio deck or do all of the house chores or diapers/late night feedings or try to negotiate some other kind of transactional offering? Beg and plead?

What actions would you take and what would you say and offer to get them into bed? That is the first part of the mental exercise - what would you do and say to move things towards the bedroom? 

The second part of the mental exercise is what do you honestly and sincerely believe the outcome would be? 

Do you think if you put forth your full and concentrated effort and gave it your all, that your SO would accept your offer and best efforts and you would be $1,000,000 richer the next day??

Or do you really and truly believe that by 23hrs 59minutes and 59 seconds that you will be laying prostrate and utterly exhausted on the ground, that the final answer by your SO will still be no???

If offered one million dollars, what would you do and what do you believe the results would be??


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

I’ll take you shopping for a closet full of Gocci if you Fuk me …… BAM !!


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

Is bribery acceptable?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Is bribery acceptable?


Too late … he didn’t say it wasn’t acceptable

The fastest way to success is following the rules and going around them at the same time.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Um, part of the problem is them not having anything that works in the first place.

A better wager would be to give them a year to get the frequency and general intimacy at a higher level and average.

It would also make a hell of a docuseries!


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

If i have to go through all that work can you at least make it $5 Million? $1 Million doesn't go as far as it used to you know!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

ConanHub said:


> Um, part of the problem is them not having anything that works in the first place.
> 
> A better wager would be to give them a year to get the frequency and general intimacy at a higher level and average.
> 
> It would also make a hell of a docuseries!


What you are proposing above is more along the lines of a solution to an underlying condition. You could even liken that to therapy or that it is at least what therapy is for. 

This is more of a thought exercise to determine what, if anything, can even be done. 

Where I came across this is it was being presented as almost a diagnostic tool rather than a solution to a problem. 

If one were to think about the challenge and formulate in his/her mind how he/she may get the SO into bed willingly, then start to work on those things. 

But if one truly and sincerely knows in their heart that NOTHING they say or do would achieve consensual marital sexuality, then that person needs to start reevaluating whether they even want to remain in that relationship or not. 

If there is truly nothing one can do that will accomplish a sexual response, then it's likely time to end the relationship (assuming both parties are not ok with a platonic roommate arrangement)


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## BigDaddyNY (May 19, 2021)

I'm not in a sexless marriage, but I'll do the thought experiment. I also think you are screwed (or not screwed) no matter how it plays out. 

If I were in a sexless marriage, that I had been trying to correct, I would have tried everything I already could have to get them interested. I guess I would have to think back to what has worked in the past and try that. However, without being able to say anything about the prize at the end of the challenge I doubt you are going to get anywhere. The LD spouse would be clueless, so they would respond as they typically do. As a desperation move I might try begging. Ask her to please trust me that it will be worth your time. I still think the outcome would be no. Again, with no way to explain why it has to be now, why would the LD spouse change their established pattern of behavior?

That scenario is actually heartbreaking to me. The thought that I would need to beg my wife for sex and with that much on the line just sounds like hell. To make it even more sad I bet once the LD spouse finds out they missed out on $1M after they say hell no to sex they will be pissed. Which would in turn piss me off because that would mean they would do it for cash. Suddenly it isn't that much of a chore, or at least not a million dollar chore. Then you start thinking, "How much money would it take to get my spouse to sleep with me?" That is really, really sad, lol. You might as well pay a professional at that point. 

Every scenario comes to the same conclusion in my mind, end the relationship.


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## *Deidre* (Feb 7, 2016)

Mr.Married said:


> I’ll take you shopping for a closet full of *Gocci* if you Fuk me …… BAM !!


Is that a knock off of Gucci? 😅


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Maybe if you give them the money in advance it's much more possible, they can spend the money on a trip around the world away from the kids, living a life of luxury for a while without a worry in the world, dressing up in nice attractive clothing, etc etc

If there's still no sex with all that then yeah wtf lol


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

RandomDude said:


> Maybe if you give them the money in advance it's much more possible, they can spend the money on a trip around the world away from the kids, living a life of luxury for a while without a worry in the world, dressing up in nice attractive clothing, etc etc
> 
> If there's still no sex with all that then yeah wtf lol


Again this is not a therapy or solution but rather a mental exercise to give it thoughtful contemplation. 

Does one's SO need a date night away from kids and get out for dinner or maybe a few drinks and massage to relax and reengage??

But if they need to be jet-setting around the world, living a false life of luxury that isn't part of their actual lifestyle etc etc, then you have to ask yourself if that person is actually your special someone and partner, or are they a sugar baby or gold digger?

This is not really a solution but rather a diagnostic mental exercise.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

*Deidre* said:


> Is that a knock off of Gucci? 😅


I’m keeping all of that mil for myself that I can !!


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

UpsideDownWorld11 said:


> Is bribery acceptable?


It is as long as the million dollars is not disclosed or alluded to. That means the bribery would have to occur within the baseline budget. 

But as said above, this is more of a diagnostic exercise rather than a fix. 

So if someone realizes they have to bribe their spouse to sleep with them - then they know where they stand.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

You don't really need that much to escape and live luxuriously for a week or so lol

Unless you are spending it on an overpriced 6-star hotel where the staff worship the grounds you walk on as part of their service, travelling not just first class but in a private jet 😅 lol

I was lower drive than my partners (but really they were just insatiable 🙄), and sometimes I do need to just free my mind ya know. Vacations are good for that.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

So the original article was a mental exercise to think about where things really stand and what is at the root of the problem. 

If upon self reflection the HL realizes that he/she has been lazy and complacent and has not put forth due diligence to engage with and connect with the SO, then it is it is kind of on him/her to put in the effort. 

BUT, if one goes through full effort and due diligence and their SO still says no way and the realization is made that that ship has sailed and that nothing will help, then they need to start considering whether they should remain in the relationship or not.


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## leftfield (Mar 29, 2016)

I'm really having a hard time figuring out what I would do. When I was in a dead bedroom, I realized that it wasn't working for me and I worked on improving it. Looking back on all the things we have been through, I would not go through all of that again.

It is my opinion that what makes a great sexual partner is their attitude. A million dollars is not going to change the LD partners attitude. So after having gone through this and done all the work to fix a broken bedroom, if I was placed in this scenario I would do one of two things. I would tell them to keep the money and just go find a better sexual partner or I would directly approach my partner about sex. If need be I would shoot down every excuse they can try to give me, then we could have sex. I would then take the million, divorce and go find a better sexual partner.

I'm sorry, I spent somewhere between 16-18 years fixing the sexual relationship in my marriage. Nobody should have to go through that. Especially with someone who "loves" them.


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

I think we are all missing the most obvious solution that works for most people on TAM in sexless relationships.

Drop the divorce papers on the table and state "we either start having sex or we are done"!


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

Always Learning said:


> I think we are all missing the most obvious solution that works for most people on TAM in sexless relationships.
> 
> Drop the divorce papers on the table and state "we either start having sex or we are done"!


Thats not sexy at all. I would just drop the divorce papers and be done with it lol


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Always Learning said:


> I think we are all missing the most obvious solution that works for most people on TAM in sexless relationships.
> 
> Drop the divorce papers on the table and state "we either start having sex or we are done"!


No Gucci required


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> What you are proposing above is more along the lines of a solution to an underlying condition. You could even liken that to therapy or that it is at least what therapy is for.
> 
> This is more of a thought exercise to determine what, if anything, can even be done.
> 
> ...


Because the obvious applies. One would like to think of others that all the standard exercises in seduction have ALREADY been tried ad nauseum. 

So the go to plan should NOT follow the same old tired tries.

And go directly to a task driven goal. It only has to be once. 
If accomplished who then cares about relationship fall out if it crumbles. Because it's already intolerable.

So the plan would only need to work ONCE.

That instigates using strategies that may involve wider options.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Always Learning said:


> Drop the divorce papers on the table and state "we either start having sex or we are done"!


That will be sure to get people hot and bothered and get panties to start hitting the floor LOL


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

oldshirt said:


> It is as long as the million dollars is not disclosed or alluded to. That means the bribery would have to occur within the baseline budget.
> 
> But as said above, this is more of a diagnostic exercise rather than a fix.
> 
> So if someone realizes they have to bribe their spouse to sleep with them - then they know where they stand.


But funds could come from different budget. So, bribery is acceptable.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Get her really drunk and pretend to be her boyfriend.😎


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

ConanHub said:


> Get her really drunk and pretend to be her boyfriend.😎


Hahahaha 😄 we have a winner!


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

So how do you prove to the prize giver that you had successful sex?


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## Always Learning (Oct 2, 2013)

RandomDude said:


> Thats not sexy at all. I would just drop the divorce papers and be done with it lol


Oh I know, but id you read through the Sex in Marriage section it seems to be what has the best chance of success at solving the sexless marriage problem. There are plenty of posters here that have done so.


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## RandomDude (Dec 18, 2010)

DownByTheRiver said:


> So how do you prove to the prize giver that you had successful sex?


Uploaded as porn or it didn't happen!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> *What would you do?*
> 
> How would you approach them? How would you express yourself and your desire?
> 
> .....If offered one million dollars, what would you do and what do you believe the results would be??


I don't think that most folks really understand the situation. 

I have been in a sex starved marriage, where my wife told me she would never have sex with me again. * That is a sexless marriage.* No kisses, no hugs, no handjobs, no nothing. That is a marriage where the lines in the sand have been drawn.

To recover from our sexless marriage, it took months with a very skilled sex therapist and lots of change and emotional stretching on the part of both me and my wife. It is not the kind of thing that can change overnight. A sexless marriage takes time to become sexless and time to be undone. 

*So to answer your question honestly. Cry, curse my luck, add one more thing to the list of things that I would try to forgive my wife of doing that emotionally hurt me.*


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

RandomDude said:


> Uploaded as porn or it didn't happen!


How to lose your newfound fortune in a lawsuit.


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## Rus47 (Apr 1, 2021)

oldshirt said:


> Does one's SO need a date night away from kids and get out for dinner or maybe a few drinks and massage to relax and reengage??


Would have thought there would have already been many discussions about what is needed to fix the problem



oldshirt said:


> BUT, if one goes through full effort and due diligence and their SO still says no way and the realization is made that that ship has sailed and that nothing will help, then they need to start considering whether they should remain in the relationship or not.


Yes



Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Because the obvious applies. One would like to think of others that all the standard exercises in seduction have ALREADY been tried ad nauseum.


Yes



ConanHub said:


> Get her really drunk and pretend to be her boyfriend.😎


The winning strategy! Wear a disguise.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Young at Heart said:


> I don't think that most folks really understand the situation.
> 
> I have been in a sex starved marriage, where my wife told me she would never have sex with me again. * That is a sexless marriage.* No kisses, no hugs, no handjobs, no nothing. That is a marriage where the lines in the sand have been drawn.
> 
> ...


I hope she realizes how fortunate she is that you were willing to go through all of that.


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## TAMAT (Jun 20, 2015)

Would be a non-starter, I asked my W a few yeas ago a variation on that question, if someone was going to give us 1 milliion to have sex, would she have sex with me Answer NO. I even said she could give half to her church still NO.


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## UAArchangel (2 mo ago)

There is no sex that is so enjoyable that it is worth a million dollars. I'd rather have a nicer apartment and a better vehicle than pay out to my SO just to have sex with her.


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## hamadryad (Aug 30, 2020)

She 'd have to look like Demi Moore in her prime before I'd even consider it.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> I came across an interesting thought exercise the other day for people in sexless marriages.
> 
> What would you (the high libido (HL) person) were offered one million dollars to have sex with your SO (the low libido (LL) person within 24 hours?
> 
> ...


"I'll give you half"

Outcome: yay!


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

"I'll give you half"

Outcome: yay!


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

oldshirt said:


> I hope she realizes how fortunate she is that you were willing to go through all of that.


She also went through a lot of emotional trauma, when she realized that if she did not change, I would file for divorce. It was hard on both of us. Again, the Sex Therapist did wonders in saving our marriage.

I really don't think that most people understand what a sexless marriage looks or feels like. It is emotional gridlock that seems impossible to break free of. You have memories of better times, but little hope of future happiness. You work at minimizing the conflict and if you are lucky avoid fighting and crying. You find things that distract you and make you somewhat happy.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

well, I would have 2 chances out of 30 since we were having planned sex twice a month... good odds...


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

moon7 said:


> "I'll give you half"
> 
> Outcome: yay!
> 
> View attachment 94336


But the stipulation is you can’t tell them about the money beforehand.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

TAMAT said:


> Would be a non-starter, I asked my W a few yeas ago a variation on that question, if someone was going to give us 1 milliion to have sex, would she have sex with me Answer NO. I even said she could give half to her church still NO.


And your still married? 😲


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> But the stipulation is you can’t tell them about the money beforehand.


Couldnt lose the joke oportunity.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> And your still married? 😲


You know, sex isn't everything...


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

In Absentia said:


> You know, sex isn't everything...


That may be true, but is nonsex everything?

Is a sexless marriage everything?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

TAMAT said:


> Would be a non-starter, I asked my W a few yeas ago a variation on that question, if someone was going to give us 1 milliion to have sex, would she have sex with me Answer NO. I even said she could give half to her church still NO.


At least now you know where you stand. 

That was a pretty strong and definitive statement on her part. 
I certainly hope that you are not holding out hope that she is ever going to change her mind.


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## gameopoly5 (5 mo ago)

If a couple have been married long term and one partner loses interest in s*x and no matter how much the frustrated partner has tried and nothing has work, than without offering any incentives upfront it will never work.
There are videos circulating on YouTube whereas a guy or a girl put their partner to the test.
An actor is hired, either a hot guy or a hot girl to hit on a partner while the boyfriend or girlfriend and crew watch and listen as events unfold on camera. It amazes me how many fail the test.
I`ve thought about trying this on my wife only I wouldn`t know how to set it up.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> You know, sex isn't everything...


Did I say sex is everything?


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> Did I say sex is everything?


No, you didn't... but I think you think it, secretly...


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

oldshirt said:


> That may be true, but is nonsex everything?
> 
> Is a sexless marriage everything?


Everything is nothing and nothing is everything. Like sex.


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## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

gameopoly5 said:


> If a couple have been married long term and one partner loses interest in s*x and no matter how much the frustrated partner has tried and nothing has work, than without offering any incentives upfront it will never work.
> There are videos circulating on YouTube whereas a guy or a girl put their partner to the test.
> An actor is hired, either a hot guy or a hot girl to hit on a partner while the boyfriend or girlfriend and crew watch and listen as events unfold on camera. It amazes me how many fail the test.
> I`ve thought about trying this on my wife only I wouldn`t know how to set it up.


I wonder if my husband would fail. He mostly seeks friendship with pretty women 🙄


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

gameopoly5 said:


> If a couple have been married long term and one partner loses interest in s*x and no matter how much the frustrated partner has tried and nothing has work, than without offering any incentives upfront it will never work.
> There are videos circulating on YouTube whereas a guy or a girl put their partner to the test.
> An actor is hired, either a hot guy or a hot girl to hit on a partner while the boyfriend or girlfriend and crew watch and listen as events unfold on camera. It amazes me how many fail the test.
> I`ve thought about trying this on my wife only I wouldn`t know how to set it up.


It's pretty common because it actually takes work to sustain long term attraction and intimacy.

Far too many don't understand it or do it.


Far too many will cave to the "new" attraction feeling when meeting someone that shows interest.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

moon7 said:


> I wonder if my husband would fail. He mostly seeks friendship with pretty women 🙄


Then he would earn the spanking and the thermometer up his butt!😉


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

In Absentia said:


> No, you didn't... but I think you think it, secretly...


Ha. No, not everything. Too much overall living in life, for sex to be 24/7/352. 

Frequent and great sex is necessary for a successful M absolutely. But no adult makes it everything to the exception of all else. That would be silly.


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## UpsideDownWorld11 (Feb 14, 2018)

TAMAT said:


> Would be a non-starter, I asked my W a few yeas ago a variation on that question, if someone was going to give us 1 milliion to have sex, would she have sex with me Answer NO. I even said she could give half to her church still NO.


 If she is religious, I wonder how she squares this with 1 Corinthians 7-9... Sounds to me like she shouldn't of ever married in the first place.


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