# Dd in hospital



## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

My ex has alienated my kids, I've detailed it in earlier posts.

He texted me yesterday to say that our 14 year old has been in hospital for 3 days. I can come up if I agree to stay only a brief time, not bring my mother or any friends up with me, he must remain in the room at all times as it is dd's request. 

I went up and she was very weak, on morphine and IV antibiotics. She seemed happy to see me, I haven't really seen her since October when her brother and her came to clean out the last of her things from my condo. 

The ex asked to speak to me in the hall. He said I was to only stay a short while. I told him I wanted to stay until the doctor arrived and gave the update. He said 'well then you will pay the consequences'. I said to him 'can you not be an adult and tell her that I am worried about her and want to hear what the doctor says'. I went back in the room. I explained t o her that I was worried about her and wanted to stay and talk to the doctor. She seemed fine with it and we talked about favorite movies, I bought her a word search and some small things from the gift store. I was there from 8 until 4 pm. She was discharged and so I left. 
When I got back later I checked on her Facebook to see if she was telling her friends that she was a bit better. She had posted something directed at me saying " you came and stayed 7 f$^**g hours, why don't you just get out. She had been posting this onto her FB while I was still there. 
He obviously has her totally in this thrall. They were laughing and joking about some zombie show they watch and how they were going to a convention for it and getting the t-shirts for it. 


So at least I got to see that she seems happy enough to be with him. I am at peace with not pursuing custody, I was told that at her age it would not be enforced or maintained. She cannot be compelled to see a psychologist at her age. 

I'm just venting, there is no answer to this situation. I continue to text her that I love her and hope she is doing well. I take the FB message for what it is worth, she is being influenced by him to see me as all bad.

I asked him why he waiting three days to let me know why she was in hospital, he said those were her wishes. He's a narcissist, so it's all about him, and it's all about control and power. So he's quite happy that he has both kids under his thumb.

My doctor and therapist said to move on with my life. That's all I can do, but I've raised these children and love them.


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

I'm really sorry. There really is nothing you can do, except to lead a life of integrity, kindness, and understanding. Eventually, she's going to grow up and most likely will realize what she threw away.


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## mikealone (Nov 26, 2008)

Classic parental alienation

Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive Parenting Awareness - Emotional and mental child abuse


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## manticore (Sep 3, 2013)

so sorry about your situation, I can not imagine how hard it must be for you, your daugther is in a difficult age which makes things more complicated, I hope one day she realizes what she is missing and how she is being unfair to you


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

My heart absolutely breaks for you! I am so sorry for all this pain and heartache you must be feeling. I'm glad to know you have some professionals on your side helping and supporting you through this.

I so wish there was something I could say to help you! I can't imagine this pain. I want to say stay strong but even that sounds insulting because you obviously are strong as hell to not be a complete and utter basket case dealing with this.

Maybe a "hang in there" might work?


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

At least she was taken care of and released.


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

I would return if I thought it would help the kids. But the ex's manipulations, constant lying, cheating, verbal abuse just got to the point where I was skin and bones and really not wanting to continue living. Living with a narcissist too long will ruin a person's mind and soul. 

Dd wanted to leave, that is what floored me, he favoured our son massively and dd was treated coldly by him since we first adopted her, he declared he was too old for another child, so I did the childcare happily with her. 

I just wonder how I'm to have any quality of life like this? 

I tell myself, there are people worse off than me, people whose children are missing or drug addicted or mentally ill and suffering.

thanks


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## turnera (Jan 22, 2010)

indie, explain to me how ANY of this has anything to do with you.


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## Anon Pink (Jan 17, 2013)

indiecat said:


> I would return if I thought it would help the kids. But the ex's manipulations, constant lying, cheating, verbal abuse just got to the point where I was skin and bones and really not wanting to continue living. Living with a narcissist too long will ruin a person's mind and soul.
> 
> Dd wanted to leave, that is what floored me, he favoured our son massively and dd was treated coldly by him since we first adopted her, he declared he was too old for another child, so I did the childcare happily with her.
> 
> ...


It's the injustice of it all. The complete betrayal of having your love for your children turned against you.

The only way through this is to find that place inside you that knows everything you did right, will eventually be counted in your favor, will eventually be acknowledged. that one day it will come out right. To hang onto that thought and keep moving forward in a positive way. To not allow this injustice to turn you bitter and vengeful. To reach for a zen like peace with yourself knowing that everything you did, you did because you felt it was the best thing for your kids.

To not have any quality of life means he wins. It means he not only took your kids from you but ruined your life. Yes, there are people in this world who have suffered and continue to suffer worse and they found a way to go on, and so must you. Because one day when your kids come back to you, and you know they will, who will they find? An angry bitter woman or a woman who continued to love continued to find happiness, and continued to find hope?


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

You know where I stand, Indie. I think you did exactly the right thing - going as soon as you found out and standing your ground and taking your place there as her mother. She may act out and curse and even think she hates you. But she can NEVER say you abandoned her or weren't concerned for her well being or didn't love her. Those things will matter to her in the long run.

There IS an intensive therapy camp for parental alienation for the kids and alienated parent to attend. 

Google "Overcoming Barriers" - some are programs for counselors and the legal community but there are options for parents and children, too.

The High Conflict Divorce Camp is one of the three child centered programs developed by OCB for families in conflict. The weekend program Forging Families’ Futures and the 12-week program Repairing Disrupted Family Relationships are running on the East Coast this year.


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## Ikaika (Apr 23, 2012)

. Sorry to read about your situation. Not going to give any advice since I certainly am not qualified. I will send you healing Aloha. Malama pono


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## indiecat (Sep 24, 2012)

Thanks. Your words mean so much to me.

I keep telling myself that the courts say she's old enough to make the choice, despite mountains of proof of alienation. 

I text her my love and concern, as I do to her brother.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope one day you can have a good relationship with your children. Until then I hope you can be happy with your new life.


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## FizzBomb (Dec 31, 2013)

Hon, I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. It is heartbreaking. I would honestly be heartbroken if that happened to me.

Your ex is evil. Waiting 3 days to ring you when your daughter has been in hospital? Despicable.

I think it is so sad that your daughter posted that nasty message on Facebook when you went to see her.

Your daughter is like that with him now because he is finally giving her the 'attention and love' that he previously denied her.

Honestly Indiecat, I would distance myself to protect myself yet still let them know you love them.

Maybe just stick to I love you texts everyday and night?
Also do you think maybe stay away from their Facebook pages?

I'm so sorry for your pain. It really is a loss. A loss of your children, your hopes and dreams for the future with them.

You know, they will wake up one day and see your ex for who and what he really is. It's hard for them to see it right now with all the lies he has told them about you.

How do you spend your free time? Do you have hobbies, interests, friends?


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Just wanted to post this link I remembered running across. The writer has also had a child alienated by the other parent. Thought it might help if you haven't seen it before:

The narcissistic parent | Brainwashing Children


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## EnjoliWoman (Jul 2, 2012)

Breeze - that is dead on. Thanks for the link.


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