# Men fall in love faster than women?



## Jellybeans

Ran across these articles:


*Men Fall in Love Faster Than Women
*

_LONDON, August 16, 2011 /PRNewswire/ --

Soppy guys fall in love faster and more often than women, new research suggests.

Most men say they know whether they are in love after just one date and the rest are likely to know within three.
Nearly a quarter said they had believed in love at first sight and knew whether a girl was 'the one' within seconds.

Women, on the other hand, are more indecisive on the issue, consulting with friends and family and waiting at least a month before making their minds up._

Source: Men Fall in Love Faster Than Women -- LONDON, August 16, 2011 /PRNewswire/ --

And here:

*Why And How Do Men Fall Easilly In Love Faster Than Women*

_*Any dude who says he doesn’t know what he wants from a girl he’s known for more than 30 days is a liar.*


At this point, we should be able to know if a woman is someone that we can spend the rest of our lives with. We’ve been playing the birds and bees for a long time now, we know when we mess up and we know what we should be doing in a relationship.

To the casual observer, it might seem like these two thoughts contradict one another, but they actually support one another. I’ve said for years – to the huffs, sighs, teeth sucking, and generally dismissive eye rolls of many women – that men fall in love faster than women. The race isn’t even close. (Supporting my own personal observations on the subject, a recent study also found that single men are 33% more likely than women to believe in “Love at First Sight.”)

In my observations, it doesn’t take men very long to figure out where a woman falls in his life. I have married friends, and I have friends that will probably never get married, but when I look back on all our years of combined experiences, it was always pretty clear which women these men were seriously and emotionally involved in and which women they were not. Further, this was evident early on or as BGAE stated above, about 30 days or less.

In contrast, many women will say this doesn’t mirror their experiences because they’ve invested time in men for months, years, or even decades who “still don’t know what they want” from a relationship. I guess anything is possible but that is not very probable. What makes more sense? A man who is perfectly capable of making hundreds of decisions each day is somehow incapable of making one decision about one woman at least one time?
I doubt it.

In fact, the absence of a decision is itself a decision. In other words, a man who doesn’t know what role a woman plays in his life is simultaneously deciding that the woman is not important enough to even determine a role for her. Honestly, this isn’t wrong as long as it’s clearly conveyed. Unlike women, most men decide they’re ready to be in a serious commitment then look for a woman they’re willing to commit to; whereas, women tend to already know they want a serious commitment before they even meet the man they’ll eventually commit to._

Source: Why And How Do Men Fall Easilly In Love Faster Than Women ~ Kampala Express

What do you guys think?

Men, did you just "know" when a woman was going to be important in your life? Or is it a slow build?

For me, in relationships that went on to be meaningful there was a sort of instant chemistry, a hidden knowledge of... something. I know for some it may have taken a long time...


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## angelpixie

I think these articles (and the men quoted in them) are still confusing 'love' and 'infatuation.' The follow-up article would be 

'Why do men fall out of love faster than women?'

Answer: Because it wasn't 'love' to begin with.


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## Jellybeans

Haha. Touché, Angel.


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## FeministInPink

I posted this link in another thread, but I think it's worth sharing here:

The Wisdom Of Keanu Reeves « A Woman's Guide to Women: A Blog for Men


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## Jellybeans

I can't see the quote, Feminist. What does it say? (by the way, I am in love with Keanu Reeves).


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## FeministInPink

Oh... it says:

"Falling in love and having a relationship are two very different things."
-- Keanu Reeves


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## meson

angelpixie said:


> I think these articles (and the men quoted in them) are still confusing 'love' and 'infatuation.' The follow-up article would be
> 
> 'Why do men fall out of love faster than women?'
> 
> Answer: Because it wasn't 'love' to begin with.


Anglepixie is correct, they can't be talking about love. I knew my wife for four years before we dated and even still it was a couple of months before I was sure it was love. Likewise for every person who I ever had feelings for. 

I do know that charge I get when someone real attractive is met but that's not love for me and it fades quickly. 

Perhaps autocorrect changed bang into love for the articles. I do think most men know if there is enough chemistry for sex after the first date.


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## meson

FeministInPink said:


> Oh... it says:
> 
> "Falling in love and having a relationship are two very different things."
> -- Keanu Reeves


This is so very true!


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## FeministInPink

meson said:


> This is so very true!


Keanu Reeves is a wise, wise man.


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## Jellybeans

meson said:


> Perhaps autocorrect changed bang into love for the articles. I do think most men know if there is enough chemistry for sex after the first date.


For sex? One would think that wouldn't be so hard to come by (I mean, the desire for sex). Continuing dating is another thing.


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## CEL

Love is such a loaded word if you look up the dictionary definintion you can really see what it was meant to symbolize. The problem comes with the fact we all have a different idea of what love means. So we all use our own definition usually along the lines of some Romeo and Juliet. While it can mean that it is like saying there is one shade of red or that because you love chocolate that is the same as loving your spouse.

a (1) : strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties <maternal love for a child> (2) : attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3) : affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests <love for his old schoolmates>
b : an assurance of affection <give her my love>
2
: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion <love of the sea>
3
a : the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration <baseball was his first love>
b (1) : a beloved person : darling —often used as a term of endearment (2) British —used as an informal term of address
4
a : unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another: as (1) : the fatherly concern of God for humankind (2) : brotherly concern for others

So as you can see that kind of love is not mentioned and yet when love is brought up it is the one that just about everyone jumps too. I find that weird I have said I love you to people at work who I barely know. I say it to show my affection not that I would jump in front of a buss for them but I do care about them.

To the point I think men are more often in love with being in love. They want to have a women in their life and we often fool ourselves into believing that this is the ONE. I think that men in general have a hair trigger in more ways then one when it comes to relationships. We are more prone to make long range plans on little real knowledge of the actual women. The reason is that the women is only secondary what is far more important is the women we see in our minds even if they do not match up. I know that is screwy and yet I can point to many of my friends who do the same thing. I really think when you meet a guy if he comes on strong you need to put some distance and let it develop naturally. Guys who fall in love fast are not bad guys they are just not really emotionally mature guys so think of them as a fixer upper guy. LOL. And yes I resemble that comment.


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## Paradise

Jellybeans said:


> I can't see the quote, Feminist. What does it say? (*by the way, I am in love with Keanu Reeves*).











Excellent!!!


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## hope4family

As a man, I do know what I want in a relationship. It won't take long to determine whether or not that woman has a lot of the general things I am looking for in a potential long term mate. 

That being said, knowing that, and having love are two distinct things that I've always separated. I can be very attracted to a female, but completely turned off by what she doesn't provide. 

But then again, i've also matured. Or rather, learned through mistakes. If I had to put dates on it, anywhere from 1 month to 3 months is possible depending on how much and often you see each other. 

Then again, you should allow at least 3-6 months for some demons of the spouse to surface. Personal mistake on my part.


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## Jellybeans

CEL said:


> I really think when you meet a guy if he comes on strong you need to put some distance and let it develop naturally. Guys who fall in love fast are not bad guys they are just not really emotionally mature guys so think of them as a fixer upper guy. LOL. And yes I resemble that comment.


I cannot tell you how many times I have experienced this particular guy (guys). Idk what it is but some guys I have been involved with came on SO strong and were SO professing crazy feelings for me so fast. It is so flattering but you are right--what is it BASED on? So I guess it's odd to me when a guy doesn't respond as _OMG YESSS_ to me because it can be something I am not used to as often. For instance, not long ago I met someone who was immediately besotted with me. I liked him, too. But it was so much so fast and I didn't realize it til after a few months of involvement. Just super duper duper attached to me. But how do you know if you're just going slow or if there isn't a potential mate?

I am fcking confused. Lol.


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## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> I cannot tell you how many times I have experienced this particular guy (guys). Idk what it is but some guys I have been involved with cam eon SO strong and were SO professing crazy feelings for me so fast. It is so flattering but you are right--what is it BASED on? So I guess it's odd to me when a guy doesn't respond as OMG YESSS to me because it can be something I am not used to as often. For instance, not long ago I met someone who was immediately besotted with me. I liked him, too. But it was so much so fast and I didn't realize it til after a few months of involvement. Just super duper duper attached to me. But how do you know if you're just going slow or if there isn't a potential mate?
> 
> I am fcking confused. Lol.


I think that's something you should figure out. 

People are dynamic. Relationships by nature can also be dynamic. 

I have a female in my social circle I am very attracted to right now. That being said, I have waited months to determine if the feelings I had were legitimate or not. 

I found out a few weeks ago that they were legitimate feelings. No, it doesn't mean love, it doesn't mean we should immediately go into dating. But I have started to flirt with her more. She has responded and we've gone out a couple times. But i'm not sure it's a date. 

Needless to say, i'm just having fun. You should try it.


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## Jellybeans

hope4family said:


> I think that's something you should figure out.
> 
> People are dynamic. Relationships by nature can also be dynamic.
> 
> I have a female in my social circle I am very attracted to right now. That being said, I have waited months to determine if the feelings I had were legitimate or not.


How do you determine if it's legitimate? Or, rather, how did you?


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## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> How do you determine if it's legitimate? Or, rather, how did you?


Time. 

Time is a big factor. My own emotional healing from my divorce. 

It would take a long time to explain. I can PM you the journey details. But long story short. I have been working on me, and taking time to establish relationships with men and women. But with women, strictly at a "friendship level." 

Might shoot me in the foot with this one. But meh. I'm not professing love. I just know that I have feelings.


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## Jellybeans

Ah, the ol' cliched' TIME answer. LOL. Shoulda known!


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## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, the ol' cliched' TIME answer. LOL. Shoulda known!


Time involves a lot of things, but since I can't PM it to you i'll sum it up. 

# I needed time to learn how to deal with my codependent emotions with my ex-wife. Including the things about myself I do not like and tried to work to make better.

# I needed time to learn how to deal with my ex-wifes constant berating behavior. I have our son 80-20, she constantly pushes boundaries any way I let her get away with.

# Then there was working on me, physically, emotionally. I work out consistently, I've kept most to all the weight I lost off. I do regular hair cuts, have a regular facial style, I embraced new hobby's and set out to make new friends. 

# I almost got into a serious relationship, but broke it up, have been single ever since, turned down a few chances to date or "get some". 

It's been a year since my ex-wife left and I've been divorced for 5 months so, time has helped in this regard to.


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## CEL

Going to break up your post to get to all the good stuff. But first full disclosure this topic is actually something that I struggle with in IC so any comments may be off so take all with a grain of salt. And I will own up to the title of being emotionally immature but you know what we all have to start somewhere and I am working on my issues.




Jellybeans said:


> I cannot tell you how many times I have experienced this particular guy (guys). Idk what it is but some guys I have been involved with came on SO strong and were SO professing crazy feelings for me so fast. It is so flattering but you are right--what is it BASED on?/QUOTE]
> 
> Well sounds like you have met some pretty standard guys. Here is how I look at it my own issue has to do with abandonment so for me I was always looking for something to fill that hobby or women just anything to dedicate myself too. So I would go super nuts over anything that I found interesting. When people come on that strong it is not really about you. Instead it is more about themselves they are seeing you not as a person but as something they want as part of their lives. They think YOU will make them happy and complete them. They understand you may have issues "hey who doesn't" but those are glossed over instead they focus on the image they have of you. Oh that image is based in reality but the rest is all just hopes and dreams.
> 
> You see one of the problems is that guys like this live in a fantasy future. They are thinking so far ahead that they are really in love with the future they see not really what you are doing NOW. So they have this image of how things are going to go and how happy you are going to make them and how happy they are going to make you. Oh thinking about the future is good but they do this too much to the point that they are actually disconnecting from reality. They are doing this because they believe you or more to the point this future you is going to be a missing part of their lives. You will make them happy. They are convinced of this which is why you get this over the top thing of they can't live without you because all there happiness is pined on you.
> 
> 
> 
> Jellybeans said:
> 
> 
> 
> So I guess it's odd to me when a guy doesn't respond as _OMG YESSS_ to me because it can be something I am not used to as often. For instance, not long ago I met someone who was immediately besotted with me. I liked him, too. But it was so much so fast and I didn't realize it til after a few months of involvement. Just super duper duper attached to me. But how do you know if you're just going slow or if there isn't a potential mate?
> 
> I am fcking confused. Lol.
> 
> 
> 
> So because you have met so many of these you are starting to think this is normal. And that is NOT good. It is not normal it is not healthy. One thing you need to do is to set up proper boundaries for relationships not only for you but for him. This will keep you in a good frame of mind to evaluate the merits of the relationship.
> 
> So what do I mean?
> 
> 1: Well first lets talk texts I have a rule for myself I don't initiate a text conversation I will respond but I will not initiate. This is my private rule because of my issue of getting to deep. So it helps if I leave the contact to the women. Maybe one text a day to initiate but nothing more. Now I am happy to text I just can't trust myself to do it in a proper way so I let them dictate the pace. Which works very well for me.
> 
> 2: Then phone calls I am the same way if they want to talk then great but I don't initiate again because of my issues. It helps keep it in perspective for me. Same as above.
> 
> 3: Now lets talk plans you need to be firm about this if you have just started dating don't make long range plans really what is the point? Make plans for the next month or so then just be tentative NOTHING set in stone just yeah that sounds fun lets see what happens. This will keep them on firm ground and make sure that the guys have to stay in the present.
> 
> 4: Use the phrase that you want to just see where it all goes that you are not wiling to commit. You need to keep in the moment and not get caught in the crazy. You can be exclusive but you need to make it clear you are not looking at something massive right now that you barely know them. You can be open to see where it all goes but you need to make it clear that you are NOT going to push for some destination.
> 
> 5: Enjoy the moment. These guys are destination guys they can make great boyfriends and beyond but they are so focused on the destination they are missing the journey. They can and will push things toward that. Even if they do not realize it. Tell them that you just want to take it day by day.
> 
> 6: Be honest with yourself if you don't like it tell him. He may try to tone it down but if he does not realize why he is doing it then he is just hiding it from you. Either you are okay with his issue or not. If not call it off as without help it will not change.
> 
> 7: Now if you do get into a relationship with someone like this once he is at the place he wants to be he will calm down and be more normal. But you have to get there first. LOL.
> 
> To answer your last question of how to tell if you are taking it slow or if he is not working out. Come on that is easy. If when he calls you get butterflies in your stomach. If when you take you get excited or even relaxed. If when you go to bed you think of them naked. If when you plan a date then you want to look nice and it is exciting for you. Then you are taking it slow and enjoying the moment.
> 
> If when they call you avoid the phone. If you when you talk to him you have to search for things to talk about and you want to do other things. If when you go to bed you give him no thought. When you date it feels more like a chore than something fun. Then you are not compatible.
> 
> So not sure home much that will help you but since the I liked the topic so much I thought I would post
Click to expand...


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## doubletrouble

I had a gal tell me once I fall in love too easily. I was flat ass in love with her and we'd been lovers for two years already. Meh -- she left me for a married guy. 

I thought about what she said, and i don't think it's true. I suppose anyone can fall in love, but I don't believe in love at first sight. Second sight maybe lol... 

There's a level of emotional maturity and self-image security that's needed to ensure boundaries are set, expectations are met (as much as possible) and there is "chemistry" or a spark that ignites interest. There are all the chemical reasons and explanations for love; I don't care about any of that even though I understand it. 

In my current marriage, I think we were "meant to be." I don't think in terms of soulmates any more. I think in terms of life, long life. Is this the voice I want to hear, the mind I want to search, the face I want to see, the body I want to sleep next to till I die? Does this person's heart "see" mine, and do I "see" hers?

All subjective. All fascinating. It takes time to develop your "style" of choosing a mate, and that means (the cliche) kissing a lot of frogs to find the prince (or princess in my case). Took me 52 years. I hope I have it right.


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## whitehawk

Yeah l know basically on first sight . l knew with my x within a few mins l'll marry her - so much for that 

Personally l can tell pretty well on first sight if we'll click , if we'd relate , if we'll be worlds apart and just nothing. The one l really hate is just seeing before she even opens her mouth that zero connection,zero like of the type of person each of us are. This could be just friends of friends or of your partner whatever. And you know right then if it's someones friend that's gonna be around a bit in the future , things will become strained if your stuck in the same room together too often.

Actually l think l'd say girls fall faster when l think about it. l do know l often use to feel responsible from day one because l don't want to hurt her .

This is a big part of how l just can't understand people having lots of dates or seeing dead ends for mths on end.
like l'd usually know anyway so lots of dates will just narrow down to the one or 2 possibles l'd know about from day one anyway .
Although l spose for others it could be just for some fun , fill . But those always got tricky for me because someone ends up falling.
l reckon a guys senses ane knowing are much more direct than a girls , the girls tend to waste their time with being too open mentally , no real sense of what who suits them and who just won't . l've noticed that a lot in single female friends or sisters , they just tend to be everywhere and l'll often think fk me , why are you even wasting your time with that one.


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## angelpixie

whitehawk said:


> l dunno who falls faster , what's it matter really ! *But yeah l know basically on first sight . l knew with my x within a few mins l'll marry her - so much for that *


So, that begs the question: Looking at how it ended, was it _really_ *love*, or just infatuation?


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## meson

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, the ol' cliched' TIME answer. LOL. Shoulda known!


The basis of the ol' time cliche can be explained by neural chemistry. The infatuation buzz should transform from dopamine to more oxytocin. This is the transfer to long term love. If you start to get warm comfortable feelings of just satisfaction that's a sign that you have transitioning to long term love. If the infatuation buzz goes away or is diminished with out the warm fuzzy feelings then it was probably just infatuation and you are coming off of it. This transition takes time but it can be as soon as a few months in my experience.


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## whitehawk

angelpixie said:


> So, that begs the question: Looking at how it ended, was it _really_ *love*, or just infatuation?


Nah , twas always love, first girl l ever wanted to marry but - we messed up. 
Maybe l'll go for a growing into love instead next time , might have better luck


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## hope4family

CEL said:


> To answer your last question of how to tell if you are taking it slow or if he is not working out. Come on that is easy. If when he calls you get butterflies in your stomach. If when you take you get excited or even relaxed. If when you go to bed you think of them naked. If when you plan a date then you want to look nice and it is exciting for you. Then you are taking it slow and enjoying the moment.
> 
> If when they call you avoid the phone. If you when you talk to him you have to search for things to talk about and you want to do other things. If when you go to bed you give him no thought. When you date it feels more like a chore than something fun. Then you are not compatible.


100% correct. 

When this girl calls. I get a rush. Is it love, no is it attraction yes. 

Love is a choice. Feeling loved is a completely different thing. There is no such thing as love at first sight. There is infatuation at first sight. That's ok, if it leads to love that's ok too. 

I was raised that you fall into lust, then love. I fell into lust with my ex-wife, but it quickly became love from me anyway. 

The rest is history.


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## 2galsmom

jellybeans thanks for posting that article, it is one of the dumbest I have ever seen. Please. Maybe let's be honest, a man knows within 30 seconds if he wants to have sex with a woman but the 30 woman for the rest of his life things is ridiculous!


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## Jellybeans

CEL said:


> When people come on that strong it is not really about you. Instead it is more about themselves they are seeing you not as a person but as something they want as part of their lives. They think YOU will make them happy and complete them.
> 
> You see one of the problems is that guys like this live in a fantasy future. They are thinking so far ahead that they are really in love with the future they see not really what you are doing NOW. They are convinced of this which is why you get this over the top thing of they can't live without you because all there happiness is pined on you.


Well I agree with that. 




CEL said:


> 1: Well first lets talk texts I have a rule for myself I don't initiate a text conversation I will respond but I will not initiate.
> 
> 2: Then phone calls I am the same way if they want to talk then great but I don't initiate again because of my issues. It helps keep it in perspective for me. Same as above.


We could never date. I like a guy to initiate some contact. If he left it all up to me, I'd think he was not interested. 



CEL said:


> 3: Now lets talk plans you need to be firm about this if you have just started dating don't make long range plans really what is the point? Make plans for the next month or so then just be tentative NOTHING set in stone just yeah that sounds fun lets see what happens. This will keep them on firm ground and make sure that the guys have to stay in the present.


Good stuff.


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## Jellybeans

I do not mind initiating some contact, but do not want to be the one to do it all the time (who does?!)


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## angelpixie

I agree with you, Jelly. I want give and take. I won't chase someone down, nor do I want to be stormed like a fortress, lol.


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## Jellybeans

angelpixie said:


> I agree with you, Jelly. I want give and take. I won't chase someone down,* nor do I want to be stormed like a fortress*, lol.


Hehehe. :rofl:


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## hope4family

I do miss storming the beach.....


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## CEL

Jellybeans said:


> We could never date. I like a guy to initiate some contact. If he left it all up to me, I'd think he was not interested.



Why Jelly I had not idea you felt that way.......


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## Jellybeans

Lol
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri

Jellybeans said:


> How do you determine if it's legitimate? Or, rather, how did you?


Perhaps it is because my testosterone levels are not what they used to be when I was a young man :rofl: but that kind of behavior - in a man towards a woman - is a sign that he is definitely not ready for a relationship. These "men" have not yet learned the lesson that happiness comes from within NOT from without (others). Neediness is a sign of immaturity.


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## Jellybeans

Preach, Mori!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## morituri

Jellybeans said:


> Preach, Mori!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Damn right girl.


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## Pbartender

Okay, I'm confused. Can anyone explain to me what the difference is between this...



Jellybeans said:


> Unlike women, most men decide they’re ready to be in a serious commitment then look for a woman they’re willing to commit to;


...and this...



Jellybeans said:


> whereas, women tend to already know they want a serious commitment before they even meet the man they’ll eventually commit to.


...?

Because they seem, essentially, the same statement to me.

:scratchhead:


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## Pbartender

angelpixie said:


> I agree with you, Jelly. I want give and take. I won't chase someone down, nor do I want to be stormed like a fortress, lol.


Hrm... Certainly gives new meaning to King Henry's speech...

*SCENE I. France. Before Harfleur.*

_Alarum. Enter KING HENRY, EXETER, BEDFORD, GLOUCESTER, and Soldiers, with scaling-ladders _

*KING HENRY V*
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Or close the wall up with our English dead.
In peace there's nothing so becomes a man
As modest stillness and humility:
But when the blast of war blows in our ears,
Then imitate the action of the tiger;
Stiffen the sinews, summon up the blood,
Disguise fair nature with hard-favour'd rage;
Then lend the eye a terrible aspect;
Let pry through the portage of the head
Like the brass cannon; let the brow o'erwhelm it
As fearfully as doth a galled rock
O'erhang and jutty his confounded base,
Swill'd with the wild and wasteful ocean.
Now set the teeth and stretch the nostril wide,
Hold hard the breath and bend up every spirit
To his full height. On, on, you noblest English.
Whose blood is fet from fathers of war-proof!
Fathers that, like so many Alexanders,
Have in these parts from morn till even fought
And sheathed their swords for lack of argument:
Dishonour not your mothers; now attest
That those whom you call'd fathers did beget you.
Be copy now to men of grosser blood,
And teach them how to war. And you, good yeoman,
Whose limbs were made in England, show us here
The mettle of your pasture; let us swear
That you are worth your breeding; which I doubt not;
For there is none of you so mean and base,
That hath not noble lustre in your eyes.
I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game's afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'

_Exeunt. Alarum, and chambers go off_


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## Instant Cannon

Jellybeans said:


> I do not mind initiating some contact, but do not want to be the one to do it all the time (who does?!)


Kind of new here, but thought I'd interject my thoughts. 

I totally agree with the stance that there should be contact initiated by both sides. I have contacted some women and they were responsive to texts, but never initiated any communication. I, too, take this as a sign of disinterest. Usually after a week or so of this behavior I just stop texting and figure if they are really interested they will text me. Some have... some haven't. That was proof enough for me.


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## Jellybeans

Ah, dating in the 21st century. It never gets easier, it seems.


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## 2galsmom

What are you supposed to do Instant Canon? Do all the work? No. Most of us agree here it has to be reciprocal. And how else can you politely dump someone if not by no longer responding to texts?


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## unbelievable

I fall in heat faster than the average woman.


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## hope4family

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, dating in the 21st century. It never gets easier, it seems.


We made a real mess of things. 

I also find the concept of being needy/really into someone hard to drop. 

If two people are really into each other. Needy IMO should only be a problem if they are looking to move in by date 2. 

It was weird. I was called needy once. So, I was like. Ok, and I stopped the daily, "Have a great day" text. We were seeing each other for a few weeks and had already known each other for 5 years. 

So when I stopped that on the very same day. I got all the constant "what's wrongs?" and "oh, I didn't want that to stop." 

Can any woman make sense of that? Naturally that relationship didn't last.


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## hope4family

unbelievable said:


> I fall in heat faster than the average woman.


What's the average? What are your times compared to the average? 

I think I have been known to storm the beach faster then most average men. But that's because i'm silly I think, and a wee bit crazy.


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## EnjoliWoman

Pbartender said:


> Okay, I'm confused. Can anyone explain to me what the difference is between this...
> 
> ...and this...
> 
> ...?
> 
> Because they seem, essentially, the same statement to me.
> 
> :scratchhead:


Nope. Women know they want a serious relationship and go husband-hunting. 

Men know they want a fling and get blind-sided by the right woman.

It's sort of a problem with women because we tend to discount what could be the right man because they don't fit the vision of 'husband' when in reality if they weren't trying so hard to find the right man, one would just eventually BECOME the right man.


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## 2galsmom

unbelievable said:


> I fall in heat faster than the average woman.


THIS I will buy! 

LOL also Enjoliwoman, that sums it up as well.


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## Instant Cannon

I totally agree about the dating in the 21st century thing. I have been out of the dating scene for a long time. In fact, 10th grade was the last time I had to try to get a date...lol. And 10th grade was a few moons ago. Let's just say that it appears that the whole dating thing has changed somewhat since then. lol Texting did not exist when I was in 10th grade.




Jellybeans said:


> Ah, dating in the 21st century. It never gets easier, it seems.


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## Jellybeans

Instant Cannon said:


> I have been out of the dating scene for a long time. In fact, 10th grade was the last time I had to try to get a date...lol. And 10th grade was a few moons ago.


Cute.


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## badcompany

Jellybeans said:


> Ah, the ol' cliched' TIME answer. LOL. Shoulda known!


So true. Catch 22. Time goes by fast, we don't get enough of it, yet it takes a lot of it to assure she/he is who she is....or as already said...for the demons to surface in some cases.
I figure you spend at least 20 years growing up, and the next 30to really live life. It sucks that you have to waste ~10% of those good years sifting thru potential mates because some people manipulate others and won't be upfront about themselves.


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## badcompany

hope4family said:


> We made a real mess of things.
> 
> I also find the concept of being needy/really into someone hard to drop.
> 
> If two people are really into each other. Needy IMO should only be a problem if they are looking to move in by date 2.
> 
> It was weird. I was called needy once. So, I was like. Ok, and I stopped the daily, "Have a great day" text. We were seeing each other for a few weeks and had already known each other for 5 years.
> 
> So when I stopped that on the very same day. I got all the constant "what's wrongs?" and "oh, I didn't want that to stop."
> 
> Can any woman make sense of that? Naturally that relationship didn't last.


Push-pull. Controlling, personality disorder maybe?


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## badcompany

2galsmom said:


> What are you supposed to do Instant Canon? Do all the work? No. Most of us agree here it has to be reciprocal. And how else can you politely dump someone if not by no longer responding to texts?


Be an adult and give them the "just friends" message.
This junior high non-reply, wait so many days before calling crap kills me. Time is to valuable.


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## Instant Cannon

badcompany said:


> Be an adult and give them the "just friends" message.
> This junior high non-reply, wait so many days before calling crap kills me. Time is to valuable.



I don't even think that the "just friends" message is needed in this situation. This is very early on in the process of getting to know someone. We have talked back and forth on a dating site and have carried it over to texting because both parties have shown interest. There is really nothing invested at this point. Just the few minutes that it has taken to type some texts. It is just that it always seems to be me initiating contact. She may always respond, but it is with one or two words and never a follow up question.

So at this point I simply stop. Nothing Jr High to see here. I am pretty sure at this point friendship can even be questioned. Now if it were someone that I had spent a good amount of time communicating with and even met, that would be handled differently.


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## aston

Yes falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. The first time I fell in love it cost me a house. Now I'm taking my SWEET TIME!


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## thunderstruck

EnjoliWoman said:


> Men know they want a fling and get blind-sided by the right woman.


True. That was me a few times during my dating days.


EnjoliWoman said:


> It's sort of a problem with women because we tend to discount what could be the right man because they don't fit the vision of 'husband'...


...or the woman decides that she can fix/change the guy into being the "right" hubby. Years later, one or both end up on TAM.


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## aston

My biggest filter now is simple. I disclose that I've had a vasectomy earlier on. You should see how many women suddenly "loose interest" after learning that...whether it's true or not. 
Then the others I tell I'm strongly considering it, they latch on trying to change my mind and hoping I'll change that position. Of course it doesn't help that they see my material status (if any woman says money isn't everything, observe how she acts around a guy with money and you'll know her real position). However, the vasectomy position has bee na good way to filter the meal ticket seekers.
So no I'm not falling in love with any woman again anytime soon.


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## thunderstruck

aston said:


> ...vasectomy earlier on. You should see how many women suddenly "loose interest" after learning that...whether it's true or not.


Curious...your age, and the age range of women who run after learning about your snip?


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## EnjoliWoman

Age does make a difference there... at 45 I'd be absolutely relieved I didn't have to get back on birth control!


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## Jellybeans

aston said:


> My biggest filter now is simple. I disclose that I've had a vasectomy earlier on. You should see how many women suddenly "loose interest" after learning that...whether it's true or not.



On the contrary, many women who fear pregnancy or don't want to have any children are going to be ALL over you and see it as a good thing!


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## hope4family

thunderstruck said:


> Curious...your age, and the age range of women who run after learning about your snip?


This. 

A woman who is open and honest about not wanting kids will appreciate that. Just don't be offended if she asks for confirmation.


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## thunderstruck

hope4family said:


> Just don't be offended if she asks for confirmation.


Good advice, but confirmation could get interesting. Mine was 5 years ago, and I'm pretty sure I have no paperwork on it. Even if a guy could produce an old statement with his name on it, would that be enough for a woman to belive it and accept the risk?


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## EnjoliWoman

thunderstruck said:


> Good advice, but confirmation could get interesting. Mine was 5 years ago, and I'm pretty sure I have no paperwork on it. Even if a guy could produce an old statement with his name on it, would that be enough for a woman to belive it and accept the risk?


If you know the doctor who performed it, they could fax you the final report from the last test where the ejaculate was sperm-free.


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## working_together

The guy I have been dating for almost a year (still have trouble calling him my boyfriend..lol) told me he was "crazy about me" after about two months. At that point he was infatuated with me, I knew that. I was crazy about him too. I guess at the 3 month mark he told me he loved me. Was it too soon? It felt like it was, especially when you think about all the baggage that comes from dating after divorce.

I know I am in love with someone when I'm driving to see them and as I get closer to their house I get this nervous/excited feeling. I still get that when I visit him over an hour away. I know that I am in love because I want to look my best for them all the time.

I'll have to ask him the same question...lol

I agree men fall in love faster. My ex told me he loved me after 7 months of dating though, that seems a little slow....but we hadn't been intimite at that point. Which brings up the point that once a man has sex with a woman, he seems to fall in love with them, and is it really love at that point?


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## FeministInPink

thunderstruck said:


> Good advice, but confirmation could get interesting. Mine was 5 years ago, and I'm pretty sure I have no paperwork on it. Even if a guy could produce an old statement with his name on it, would that be enough for a woman to belive it and accept the risk?


If I was the woman, even if I had confirmation, I would probably still stay on the BC. No offense intended towards the OP on this topic, but I would have to wait until I really trusted him, which could take a long time.


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## hope4family

FeministInPink said:


> If I was the woman, even if I had confirmation, I would probably still stay on the BC. No offense intended towards the OP on this topic, but I would have to wait until I really trusted him, which could take a long time.


I'm glad you brought this up first. 

If a female told me not to worry. I'd double up. Just sayin.


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## aston

Mine can!


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## CEL

I had a vasectomy when I was 25 never wanted kids and STRONGLY believe that both men and women need to take responsibility for their own reproduction. I have no sympathy for anyone who trusts the other person to take care of things and then gets the oops must not of worked. LOL. So if a women after hearing I have a vasectomy asks for confirmation well no problem I am more than happy to comply. Again I actually like women that is looking for herself. Would you trust a person with a loaded gun to your head and tells you hey don't worry it is not loaded? Hell no. This is your life we are talking about. And I have had women not want to engage once they found out but they wanted kids and I did not so no loss to either of us.


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## Pbartender

EnjoliWoman said:


> Age does make a difference there... at 45 I'd be absolutely relieved I didn't have to get back on birth control!





Jellybeans said:


> On the contrary, many women who fear pregnancy or don't want to have any children are going to be ALL over you and see it as a good thing!





hope4family said:


> This.
> 
> A woman who is open and honest about not wanting kids will appreciate that. Just don't be offended if she asks for confirmation.


Had it done 15 years ago. It was the best $220 I ever spent.


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## aston

I'm in my mid 30's. Married 7 yrs (together for 9) have two amazing kids and don't want any more. I don't want to be changing diapers etc in my 40's. The women who run are in their 30's and believe it or not some 40's women too (probably looking for someone to latch on to at that age) haven starting to run out of options. No offense just saying. I want to enjoy my growing kids. That answer your question?


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## aston

Amen!


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## aston

Yes very true, I do find that my dating pool has almost been exclusively women in their 40's and/or career women. Which is good since it helps filter / narrow things down.


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## aston

CEL said:


> I had a vasectomy when I was 25 never wanted kids and STRONGLY believe that both men and women need to take responsibility for their own reproduction. I have no sympathy for anyone who trusts the other person to take care of things and then gets the oops must not of worked. LOL. So if a women after hearing I have a vasectomy asks for confirmation well no problem I am more than happy to comply. Again I actually like women that is looking for herself. Would you trust a person with a loaded gun to your head and tells you hey don't worry it is not loaded? Hell no. This is your life we are talking about. And I have had women not want to engage once they found out but they wanted kids and I did not so no loss to either of us.


Exactly! Rather protect myself than have an "oops" moment ...which by the way I don't believe in. I only believe in planned "mistakes".


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## hope4family

My comment was never meant to be degraded to someone holding a gun to your head. It's an adult question for sure, but I would never draw that correlation. 

Everything else I agree with completely. Especially if it works for you.


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## RandomDude

It takes me a full year or more to fall for someone
But I can get infactuated straight off the bat

In love =/= Infactuation


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## CEL

hope4family said:


> My comment was never meant to be degraded to someone holding a gun to your head. It's an adult question for sure, but I would never draw that correlation.
> 
> Everything else I agree with completely. Especially if it works for you.



I was not responding to any comment you made. Nor did I quote you. If however you took offense to something I said let me know and I will delete the post.

As for any sentiments I make about holding a gun to my head those are my feelings and only apply to me.


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## FeministInPink

hope4family said:


> I'm glad you brought this up first.
> 
> If a female told me not to worry. I'd double up. Just sayin.


Seriously. Whenever there's talk of the male birth control pill, I just laugh - I would never trust a guy to consistently take a pill that would keep ME from getting pregnant. When me getting pregnant is on the line, I don't trust anyone but myself to prevent it.


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## Jellybeans

working_together said:


> Which brings up the point that once a man has sex with a woman, he seems to fall in love with them, and is it really love at that point?


I don't think so. Only because some men have sex with women (and vice versa!) and never fall in love. 

I think that falling in love is an extraordinary circumstance. At least, it is for me. Which makes it all that much more fun. It has hardly ever happened to me and when it does.....oh my. Bliss. 

There is truly no great dopamine/oxytocin feeling in the world. It is so nice to be in love. I'd rather it not happen with everyone so it suits me that it only happens once in a blue moon.

Oh la la!



CEL said:


> I have no sympathy for anyone who trusts the other person to take care of things and then gets the oops must not of worked. LOL.


:iagree:

People should be responsible for their reproductivity. WELL SAID!



Pbartender said:


> Had it done 15 years ago. It was the best $220 I ever spent.


How old are you Pbar?


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## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> How old are you Pbar?


I'm 37 years old.

Whoops... It was 13-ish years ago, not long after D14 was born.


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## Jellybeans

Just wanna know more about this man who's making me pancakes soon. LOL.


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## thunderstruck

working_together said:


> Which brings up the point that once a man has sx with a woman, he seems to fall in love with them, and is it really love at that point?


Maybe it works that way for some, but that was not my experience at all during my dating days.

On "is it really love at that point?"...I'd say probably not. It sounds more like a man who is thrilled that he found a woman to have s*x with, and he doesn't want to lose that. That happened to me one time with a woman who rocked my world. I got clingy...and it was pretty much game over from there. 

Lesson learned. :slap:


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## Pbartender

Jellybeans said:


> Just wanna know more about this man who's making me pancakes soon. LOL.


I'm beginning to see why you started this thread.


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## Jellybeans

HAHAHA! Good one!


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## Jellybeans

thunderstruck said:


> On "is it really love at that point?"...I'd say probably not. It sounds more like a man who is thrilled that he found a woman to have s*x with


Ha! Cold hard truths :rofl:


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## aston

I don't agree that men fall in love faster than women! There's a difference between falling in love and infatuation. If the sex is great you will be the best thing since slides bread and yes it's easy to confuse passionate attraction for love.


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## RandomDude

And the moral of the story gentlemen is: never express ur feelings to a woman until u r certain she's urs
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## angelpixie

Expressing your feelings for someone is risky, no matter who it is that goes 'first.'


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## Jellybeans

So flippin true, Angel. 

I couldn't help myself once and told a guy in a very passive way... "Attraction is so ridiculous. It's completely illogical and stupid."

I felt so dumb after that!


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