# Sex tips?



## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

In a sexless marriage 20ish years, now in a yummy sex-filled relationship. He clearly has the landslide of experience and skills and I sometimes feel inadequate. He's dominant and highly sexual, knows a million ways to please me, but all I needed before were the basics. We have great sex for sure, but when I'm *performing* acts/dirty talk, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I respond to him well but I feel selfish. Any script out there for study? Random tips?


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## zookeeper (Oct 2, 2012)

If you're trying to please this particular man, tell him what you wrote here.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

KrisAmiss said:


> In a sexless marriage 20ish years, now in a yummy sex-filled relationship. He clearly has the landslide of experience and skills and I sometimes feel inadequate. He's dominant and highly sexual, knows a million ways to please me, but all I needed before were the basics. We have great sex for sure, but when I'm *performing* acts/dirty talk, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I respond to him well but I feel selfish. Any script out there for study? Random tips?


*Just don’t be fearful, aversive, or afraid!

If he genuinely loves you, oblige him and go with the flow! You’ll never regret it!*


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

KrisAmiss said:


> In a sexless marriage 20ish years, now in a yummy sex-filled relationship.
> 
> ....Any script out there for study? Random tips?


First, I am going to assume it is the same man and he has undergone some life changing experience.

If so, understand his turnaround and what is motivating him. Then praise him.

Yes read Chapman's 5 languages of Love and figure out how to make him feel loved and cherished in his love languages. Oh, none of the love languages are sex. Also pick up a copy of the Gottmans' book The Art and Science of Love and read about the 5 hours a week full of rituals that will bond two people into a loving couple. Again, none of them are sex. 

Sex helps with the bonding, don't get me wrong, but it is the frosting on the cake. For the record I was in a sex starved marriage and these books (among a lot of other things) and a great sex therapist helped save my marriage.

Good luck


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think the most important tip is to be willing to try things AND to understand that not all of them will work out well. If you try something and it turns out badly, laugh it off, and try something different next time. Don't every worry about "mistakes" - there is no way in advance to know what you will both enjoy.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Young at Heart said:


> First, I am going to assume it is the same man and he has undergone some life changing experience.


I’ll be curious to see OP’s reply, because I didn’t read it this way at all. 

I took it that she was in a 20 year sexually dead relationship that has ended, and she is now with a new lover who is extremely skilled and take-charge in the bedroom.

OP... can you clarify?


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## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

KrisAmiss said:


> In a sexless marriage 20ish years, now in a yummy sex-filled relationship. He clearly has the landslide of experience and skills and I sometimes feel inadequate. He's dominant and highly sexual, knows a million ways to please me, but all I needed before were the basics. We have great sex for sure, but when I'm *performing* acts/dirty talk, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I respond to him well but I feel selfish. Any script out there for study? Random tips?


I think you'll find that as a woman all you have to do is try. Enough said.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

happy as a clam said:


> I took it that she was in a 20 year sexually dead relationship that has ended, and she is now with a new lover who is extremely skilled and take-charge in the bedroom.


I read the same...
OP wrote she was in a sex starved marriage of 20 years and is now in a new relationship with a sexually competent man who she wants to keep happy.

There are an abundance of videos, books articles on this subject on the internet, libraries, etc.

A sex therapist even if you attended alone...could help you develop confidence and ways to keep things fresh and alive in the bedroom ( or kitchen or bathroom, or any part of the house that makes things interesting and bond as a couple...lol) and techniques.

IMO....great foreplay is a prerequisite to the final finish. Oral,toys,different rooms in the house, massages, watch porn together, watch each other masterbate together....amongst a plethora of other things.....all invaluable for great foreplay.
Most men are turned on and are happy when they see you trying and being enthusiastic ....even if you’re not perfect at execution....your enthusiasm and willingness to experiment will be enough in itself.

Relax and enjoy....sex is supposed to be fun.....if you’re describing him as yummy....you’re half way there already


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

My advice: Learn from him.


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## toblerone (Oct 18, 2016)

KrisAmiss said:


> In a sexless marriage 20ish years, now in a yummy sex-filled relationship. He clearly has the landslide of experience and skills and I sometimes feel inadequate. He's dominant and highly sexual, knows a million ways to please me, but all I needed before were the basics. We have great sex for sure, but when I'm *performing* acts/dirty talk, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I respond to him well but I feel selfish. Any script out there for study? Random tips?


The more you do it the better you'll get at it. Everyone starts from zero.

If the dude is as experienced as you say, then letting him know you're willing to please and have him teach you more will be a big turn on.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

Yes, definitely not the same man. DH said he was no longer sexually attracted to me, which he tried to take back but that just doesn't get taken back. I don't think he was all that sexual to begin with.

New yummy man definitely knows what he's doing. And while I agree that it's not all about sex, sex can be used as an expression of love. Our love languages are physical touch and then words of affirmation, both of which lead natural lives in the bedroom. I read the 5 love languages book with DH, which helped him get the slow dawning that touch is important to me. I know being in a new relationship makes it easier but it's also easier when you want the same things to start. A touch on the back in the grocery store is heaven to me.

Attitude is everything and that's why I want more confidence in what I'm doing. I've looked a little online, but thought you guys might offer some juicy tips. I mean, yes, as a woman all these years I haven't had to "try" all that much. I want to up my game. He is lightyears above any other man. I want to be the same.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Is he only dominant or does he sometimes like to switch? (you can ask him). 

By dominant, do you mean in a generally sexual sense, or in a BDSM sort of way? Have you tried lingerie / costumes? A little role play? Maybe his bad french maid needs to be taught a lesson.....

If you are a little insecure, try masks. For some reason wearing a mask will make some people feel more comfortable - there are really nice lace eye masks, or Venetian style half-face masks.


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

uhtred said:


> Is he only dominant or does he sometimes like to switch? (you can ask him).
> 
> By dominant, do you mean in a generally sexual sense, or in a BDSM sort of way? Have you tried lingerie / costumes? A little role play? Maybe his bad french maid needs to be taught a lesson.....
> 
> If you are a little insecure, try masks. For some reason wearing a mask will make some people feel more comfortable - there are really nice lace eye masks, or Venetian style half-face masks.


These are good ideas 

Seems he's dominant. Experimented with switching in earlier relations, but didn't like. I'm definitely submissive, not that I completely know these definitions. I love to be tossed about, told what to do. And I love acting and the freedom it brings - no judgments on me, it was the maid talking... But I've yet to try this. Ever, in my half century. Who knew I'd be doing such things in my old age? Better late than never


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## dubsey (Feb 21, 2013)

if you like it, let him know you like it and to keep pushing your boundaries.

just be blunt and ask him what you can do to reciprocate. it's quite honestly, like, the sexiest thing ever for someone who gets off mostly on providing pleasure.


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## cma62 (Jul 31, 2010)

Enjoy it and learn from him....you are lucky to have found somebody that you are sexually compatible with and comfortable enough with him to experiment with anything that is a turn on for both of you....that doesn’t fall into your lap everyday....consider it a gift....many will be jealous...:grin2:


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

My advice is to be yourself. He may very well be attracted to your naivete. Continue to learn and enjoy.


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## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

KrisAmiss said:


> I love to be tossed about, told what to do.


Otherwise known as rag-dolling. One of my favorite dynamics.

I am in a LTR with a yummy, super sexy dominant man who definitely knows his way around the bedroom. (Then again, I’m pretty skilled too, if I do say so myself ) Sounds like you and I have a lot in common. I got out of a 20 year sexually dead marriage too, have been with my “new” guy for 7 years. We are a perfect match sexually speaking, and it makes every other part of our relationship even stronger.


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## JayDee7 (Sep 12, 2017)

Just keep it simple. 

I’m your ....
Doing .... is my favorite 
What are you going to do to my ....


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## KrisAmiss (May 1, 2017)

happy as a clam said:


> Otherwise known as rag-dolling. One of my favorite dynamics.
> 
> I am in a LTR with a yummy, super sexy dominant man who definitely knows his way around the bedroom. (Then again, I’m pretty skilled too, if I do say so myself ) Sounds like you and I have a lot in common. I got out of a 20 year sexually dead marriage too, have been with my “new” guy for 7 years. We are a perfect match sexually speaking, and it makes every other part of our relationship even stronger.


Lucky us. Yes, I used to say I had a strong marriage cuz it was based on friendship. That was true but things did grow stale to nonexistent. Ironically I found out the DH had a colorful online BSDM thing going on, but that was definitely not the guy in bed with me. I tried to make it that way even then but it wasn't happening. Glad to move on.

I like simple.

But for instance, my big college beau who was the standout before now once upon a time got a rubber bedsheet and put it on the bed, brought in a stick of butter and oh my yum, we had a most memorable experience. It was a one time only thing that I've never forgotten. Things like that I want to pull out of my back pocket. Warning: pull your hair in a ponytail before trying this at home.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

As said, don't pull away and act as though something is too weird.

He probably really likes showing the innocent maiden all the things he knows. You just need to be ready to go adventuring with an open mind instead of becoming disgusted and saying you won't do that.

I was experienced before I met my wife. She was not. I really enjoyed teaching her about sex. On our fourth date I went down on her, and she asked me to stop. I told her if she said no, we were through. Great sex is about exploring and adventure. Since then she has taken me on adventures I never thought of.

I don't advocate anything that hurts, unless one of you likes that. As you've read from me before, my wife likes a little pain sometimes, so what can I say.


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