# girls only vacation



## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

I am a bit torn.

I have an opportunity to go to a carribean destination that i travel to frequently with my husband..with my best female friend.

I want to go. Hubby seems to be ok with it. 

It will be in June and it is at an all inclusive resort. Hubby and I have been to this resort many times and the staff knows of us. in fact we were there the last two weeks of october and are returning in four weeks together.

Hubbys best friend (canadian like us) lives there..ten min from resort with his wife and our two godchildren so from a safety point of view I am fine...I will have their spare car for the duration and also if we had a problem, one phone call and I will have our friends helping us.

My marriage is strong. My best friends marriage is also strong..but she is used to her husband going fishing..hunting..ect for days on end. She is no stranger to seperate time alone. I am. 

Hubby says he is ok with it and I know that we are just two mid forties girlies looking to relax on the beach with our kindles and some drinks.. we will NOT go to the discos ect. and believe me I have been over 40 times to the dominican republic, and I KNOW that we will be hit on by the resort workers..hell it happens even when i am with hubby..they just wait till he is gone for a bit :rofl: I am in their main target group...so is my best friend..over forty and white..:rofl: aiiii maiiimmmii..lmao. I am immune to their wiles..lol. 

just looking to see if anyone else ever takes seperate vacations. I will say that my husband went there for a week in aug by himself although he did not stay on resort , he stayed with our friends for the birth of our second godchild. I was invited too but could not get off work. I missed him like crazy.

so what do you think?

Do you think this is ok??


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## MysteryMan1 (Nov 4, 2012)

Your husband is cool with it. Go enjoy sometime with your friend.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

I don't see anything wrong with it. More importantly, your husband doesn't see anything wrong with it.

What is your concern about it? That you will miss him?


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

thanks mm and nora.. I think my concern is that after being on these boards for a couple years now, I see GNO and seperate vacations become a gateway for trouble.

I trust my husband to be without me and I know he trusts me too..I just want to make sure that it is within normal marriage boundries. We have been married ten years this year. I only did this once before and it was for the birth of our first godchild and my husband could not get off work. That time was much like my husbands "vacation" in august..all time spend in a dusty barrio and a hospital on the other side of the island so the baby could be born in one of the better hospitals. not really the same thing as laying on the beach with a pina colada..a book reader ..and my best friend.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

and yes i will miss him..but i have skype !!


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Of course it's okay as long as you both are fine with it.

In my marriage it wouldn't be okay but everyone is different. We don't do separate vacations (personal preference) but I know plenty of people who do and they are fine.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

donewithit said:


> thanks mm and nora.. I think my concern is that after being on these boards for a couple years now, I see GNO and seperate vacations become a gateway for trouble.
> 
> I trust my husband to be without me and I know he trusts me too..I just want to make sure that it is within normal marriage boundries.


Don't let TAM scare you from living your life. This place is a magnet for people with troubled marriages. That doesn't mean that you have to operate in your marriage as though it is troubled.

Appropriate boundaries are what YOU and YOUR HUSBAND think are appropriate, not TAM.

I go on vacations without my guy, and he goes without me, and we have no issues. I had the opportunity to visit Dubai with a friend who was speaking at a conference - I went, had a great time, and no harm done. I wouldn't have wanted to miss out on that amazing experience just because TAM says it's danger! danger! danger! My guy scuba dives and I don't always want to or can't make work schedules work out to go, so I send him off with his brother to an island to dive. I wouldn't want to deprive him of what he loves doing so much just because TAM says it's dangerous. 

LIVE your life. Don't let TAM freak you out so much that you get paranoid and limit yourself just because other people in troubled marriages have had issues with something.


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## Hicks (Jan 14, 2011)

Here's what I think....

If this place is like Hedonism where it's mostly singles going looking to get drunk and hook up with women, then it makes no sense for you to go to this place on vacation, since you are a married woman. I would wonder why you even want men tryng to hit on you as part of a vacation experience. Yes men will always hit on you, but certian places are sexual hookup facilitators BY DESIGN... So those are places for a married people to avoid.

You can go to many places on the east coast of the USA that offer a non party atmosphere and give you everything you are seeking in your vacation with your friend... Why go to a party / singles / pickup place?


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## Mrs.Combs (Jan 3, 2013)

If you are both secure in your marriage, there is nothing wrong with a girl's getaway vacation. Go and have a blast!!! (Yep, Kindle and drinks on a sunny beach = a blast to me!)


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

thanks guys and girls. I guess I am overthinking this. bottom line is that we love punta cana and have many friends there now..it has always been OUR place to escape to four times per year lol. We actually had this friend and her husband join us on one of our 2012 trips (january) and had a blast with them. 

Maybe I am feeling guilty just about leaving hubby behind when I know that it is his favourite place on the planet ...roll on retirement!! 

We have talked and his expectations are... no discos..no going out with staff other than one particular staff member that is much older than us and we have met his entire family...no driving anywhere at night (those who have been to dominican republic will understand this lol..no streetlights hardly..highbeams on every car and moto..and cows seem to like to lay on the warm ashphalt at night lol ) both of us turn in at the same time every night..no leaving one in the lobby bar or anything..using the special door safety device my hubby bought..and monitoring our alcohol intake as to still be able to make good decisions. No problem with any of these expectations on either mine or my friends side.


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

If the shoe was on the other foot would you be OK if your husband went with a guy friend?
The locals hitting on him. If you answer yes, then go and relax and have a good time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

Hicks said:


> Here's what I think....
> 
> If this place is like Hedonism where it's mostly singles going looking to get drunk and hook up with women, then it makes no sense for you to go to this place on vacation, since you are a married woman. I would wonder why you even want men tryng to hit on you as part of a vacation experience. Yes men will always hit on you, but certian places are sexual hookup facilitators BY DESIGN... So those are places for a married people to avoid.
> 
> You can go to many places on the east coast of the USA that offer a non party atmosphere and give you everything you are seeking in your vacation with your friend... Why go to a party / singles / pickup place?


it is not like hedonism at all. in fact it is an adults only resort catering to the forty and over crowd..most will be couples..just in the dominican republic most workers try their best to get money...so they target the tourists..it is what it is..smart women dont fall for it..

so to reiterate..it is NOT a party place at all. The reason we got this opportunity is that she won two westjet vouchers to the carribean..my hubby said NO to anywhere other than punta cana..as i know it well..have driven it often..and his best friend lives there..and is the canadian consulate for the area..so we have help if something goes wrong..we could have gone to cuba..mexico ect..but that was vetoed by my husband.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Is the friend you would be going with married or single? Is she known as a party girl? Or a homebody? or what?

My wife has gone on separate vacations. 4 of them. 3 to Hawaii with other married women who I trust completely, and 1 to Mexico with her mother, sister and cousin. I was ok with it. But I wouldn't be ok with her going with a single woman, especially if that single woman was known for going out trolling for men.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

richie33 said:


> If the shoe was on the other foot would you be OK if your husband went with a guy friend?
> The locals hitting on him. If you answer yes, then go and relax and have a good time.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


yes richie...when we are down there (four times a year..going a month from yesterday whooo hoo) he goes out with his best friend all the time..and leaves me on resort or visiting with the best friends wife. Yes he gets hit on. Hell he gets hit on in front of me..I trust him. besides....these girls and guys are pros..and god knows WHAT diseases they have..we are very aware


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

WorkingOnMe said:


> Is the friend you would be going with married or single? Is she known as a party girl? Or a homebody? or what?
> 
> My wife has gone on separate vacations. 4 of them. 3 to Hawaii with other married women who I trust completely, and 1 to Mexico with her mother, sister and cousin. I was ok with it. But I wouldn't be ok with her going with a single woman, especially if that single woman was known for going out trolling for men.


working on me..

my friend is married for 22 years..her only marriage. she is not a party girl at all. At home our girls DAYS out consist of spring rolls and two glasses of wine each at our local thai restaurant after shopping at winners and the mall in the morning. neither one of us in our 9 year friendship have gone out together in the evenings unless it it to a dinner date WITH our husbands.


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## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Go for it. My wife and her friend goes to NYC every December.


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Given the circumstances, I'd be ok with it. I say go, have fun.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

thanks guys and gals..I think i just need to stop feeling guilty ..lol

last time (and only time) i went to punta cana alone was for the birth of our first godchild..i felt SO guilty then too. I actually cooked seven meals for all the nights i would be gone and froze them with sticky notes on them how to defrost and reheat..and baked cookies and muffins and banana bread so he had snacks for work.. If i know ME.. I will do the same again..lol..


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## WorkingOnMe (Mar 17, 2012)

Just make sure you do a little naked skype with your hubby. That will ease the guilty feelings.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

lol...kinda hard to do naked skype from the lobby bar..lmao..no internet in rooms..but hey..if you say SO.. i think i may need a little extra wine though


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## richie33 (Jul 20, 2012)

Have a good time. Feeling guilty will only ruin your time.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

ok... going to let go of the guilt..the good thing is that we will be at the resort in feb.. so hubby can let all of the staff that we KNOW already know that I am coming with a gf..and that they are to watch out for us.. I know the head conceirge will..as he and my hubby email weekly anyway.

ok. going to get off the guilty train.


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## TrustInUs (Sep 9, 2012)

It sounds like you already got it worked out, so I don't have anything to add except enjoy your trip. I think the fact that you were even concerned about it, and are aware of issues that could arise speaks to your character as a wife. Enjoy!


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

*Donewithit:* As a general rule, my wife nor I would not consider ever going away without each other. The only exception is when she travels with her sisters for family related issues, and that was only twice in 30 years. What ever fun you can have with a friend you can hve with your husband. Just sayin'

Edit: Sorry to put you back on the guilty train.


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## norajane (Feb 7, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> *Donewithit:* As a general rule, my wife nor I would not consider ever going away without each other. The only exception is when she travels with her sisters for family related issues, and that was only twice in 30 years. What ever fun you can have with a friend you can hve with your husband. Just sayin'
> 
> Edit: Sorry to put you back on the guilty train.


I don't think she needs to feel guilty about wanting to have this wonderful bonding time with her best friend in a beautiful place she enjoys. Those kinds of friendship experiences are rich and meaningful in life, and it would be a shame to pass them up for no reason. Her husband is urging her to go.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

donewithit said:


> We have talked and his expectations are... no discos..no going out with staff other than one particular staff member .. both of us turn in at the same time every night..no leaving one in the lobby bar or anything...and monitoring our alcohol intake as to still be able to make good decisions.


With rules and expectations like this, I'm thinking there are serious trust issues.

It basically says "go have fun but don't allow yourself to get into a compromising position because I don't know what you might do".

Nice...


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> With rules and expectations like this, I'm thinking there are serious trust issues.
> 
> It basically says "go have fun but don't allow yourself to get into a compromising position because I don't know what you might do".
> 
> Nice...


And what's wrong with that? He's establishing boundaries up front and understood & agreed with by his wife.


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## sharkeey (Apr 27, 2012)

The Middleman said:


> And what's wrong with that? He's establishing boundaries up front and understood & agreed with by his wife.


It demonstrates a trust issue.

"I know that you mean well but if you drink too much or hang out too late you might cheat on me".


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

sharkeey said:


> With rules and expectations like this, I'm thinking there are serious trust issues.
> 
> It basically says "go have fun but don't allow yourself to get into a compromising position because I don't know what you might do".
> 
> Nice...


To me that sounds more like what anyone would tell two women traveling in a foreign country. Seems more like common sense than a trust thing. I'm pretty sure my assistant told me most of those things when I went bumming around Hawaii last year for a week before a conference I had to go to....except I think she mentioned going to bed alone :rofl:


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

sharkeey said:


> It demonstrates a trust issue.
> 
> "I know that you mean well but if you drink too much or hang out too late you might cheat on me".


Good marriages discuss these things openly so there can be trust. It is about setting appropriate boundaries.

But again marriage is about love and respect. Trust is a by-product.

A quality man who is confident and secure in his marriage would have no problem stating these boundaries. Someone less secure and more ambivalent would leave this unsaid.

There is no pleasing some people.


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

sharkeey said:


> It demonstrates a trust issue.
> 
> "I know that you mean well but if you drink too much or hang out too late you might cheat on me".


If you're OK with leaving things vague and up for chance in the name of trust then good luck to you. Go over to the the "Coping With Infidelity" board and look at all the experiences of all the nice trusting guys and gals over there.

I personally would ask (not demand) my wife consider not going without me, but not going alone on vacations has been our agreement since the beginning of our marriage. If she did want to go anyway, and ignore my feelings on the matter, my boundaries would be much stronger than Donewithit's husband. I would have the same boundaries and I add absolutely no social interaction with men what so ever, period. 

I don't care if people think I an controlling or have trust issues, it's never bothered me. However, in the end I wouldn't be able to verify if she followed the boundaries anyway, I'd have to trust her.


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## curlysue321 (Jul 30, 2012)

If hubby is okay with it it sounds okay to me. I wouldn't want to go on vacation without my hubby, but if my best friend invited me somewhere I woud be tempted to go.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

to those that think my husbands "restrictions..no disco..late nights ect" are controlling..or because he thinks i will cheat.. YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG. he asked me about what boundries I THOUGHT were good..these were my thoughts and his combined.

I have NO FEAR of cheating..but really..should my husband NOT feel comfortable at home? I say YES he should..boundries need to be set. we are a married couple. it is NOT about trust ..it is about RESPECT..respect for my husband..respect for our marriage.

feeling guilty yet again and considering cancelling..arrh.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

sharkeey said:


> With rules and expectations like this, I'm thinking there are serious trust issues.
> 
> It basically says "go have fun but don't allow yourself to get into a compromising position because I don't know what you might do".
> 
> Nice...


you are wrong. neither of us has ever strayed.. it is about respecting the marriage.. i agree that going to a disco in a latin country without my husband is inviting trouble..even without me reciprocating.. my husband is NOT afraid of me cheating..just wants to make sure that i am not in a position of having to defend my honour and our marriage..i say he is within his rights.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

and by the way middleman..the only man i will have interaction with on this holiday is my husbands best friend..and that is ONLY if we decide we need his help off resort..i will have his wifes car and i know the area well have driven it many times...I love his wife as a sister..we are god parents to their two kids and we have a room in our home with their name on the door as the "name here" suite... they are truely our best friends. I will spend time with his wife and my babies for SURE..while he is working..

I also have the opportunity to spend time with the head concierge from the resort. I will do so with his wife..but he is almost seventy..and a great man..as old as my father..no risk there at ALL..


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## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

I just hope you have a really good time! Safe journey.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

thanks tbt


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## The Middleman (Apr 30, 2012)

donewithit said:


> and by the way middleman..the only man i will have interaction with on this holiday is my husbands best friend..and that is ONLY if we decide we need his help off resort..i will have his wifes car and i know the area well have driven it many times...I love his wife as a sister..we are god parents to their two kids and we have a room in our home with their name on the door as the "name here" suite... they are truely our best friends. I will spend time with his wife and my babies for SURE..while he is working..
> 
> I also have the opportunity to spend time with the head concierge from the resort. I will do so with his wife..but he is almost seventy..and a great man..as old as my father..no risk there at ALL..


What I was saying is that I would make that part of boundaries between my wife and I if I were in your situation; your husband may have implied that within your agreed upon boundaries. 

As far as your husband's friend is concerned, only you and your husband know the extent and depth of that relationship. It's unfortunate that I think this way but I have seen both here on this board and in my real life, "male best friends" hit on their friends wives with some pretty nasty end results. I'm not saying that is the case here, but it's worth noting.

My wife and I have never done separate vacations and I don't think we ever will, but that's just us.

That being said: Enjoy your trip!


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## Caribbean Man (Jun 3, 2012)

My wife travels the Caribbean Basin every year with either my Mom, and her friends, or my wife'd best friend.
This year they're hitting a resort in St. Lucia for 10 days.
That's her personal " sabbatical."
I know exactly where she stays beforehand and we always keep in touch.

I see no problem with it.


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## galian84 (May 7, 2012)

Go and have a good time if your husband is okay with it! I see nothing wrong with it if both people in the relationship agree that it's okay.

I wouldn't be okay with this, just because I don't like being away from my SO that long, and because I was a born traveler! And I like to explore places and share new memories with my SO. 

It's only when one person thinks its okay, and the other person thinks it's not, then it's a problem. My boyfriend and I had this issue; therefore we agreed on only taking the infrequent short trip (2-3 days tops) away from each other to somewhere close by, as he never has "boys nights out", and his friends don't live nearby. Same thing with my brother and father (who I occasionally leave my boyfriend to visit, by myself for a few days). We agreed that we'd save our longer, true vacation-type trips to take with each other.

I don't mind his vacations with his son, as I don't want to interfere with their father-son bonding time, especially since we're not married.

But that's just us, and every couple is different. What works for you and your husband is not necessarily what works for another couple, and vice versa =) Have a great trip!!

PS I see nothing wrong with setting and agreeing upon boundaries--I think it's a healthy thing to do.


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## malpaso99 (Dec 5, 2012)

My wife has done this a few times with her best friends...married girls all wanting a "spa-like" getaway for a few days. Fact is, she's usually texting and calling me the entire time telling me she wished I was with them. I never have a problem with it. You should go have fun if your husband is cool with it.


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## NeverEnuff (Jan 2, 2013)

Ok, since nobody else has brought this up, I'll be the "typical male" and do it myself. Is there any possibility that this "girls only" vacation is about...girls? I only ask because we live in a very contemporary age and the travel forums are replete with vacations designed exclusively for bi-sexual encounters. And many of those trips seem to be destinations in the Caribbean. No offense intended. Just asking.


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## TiggyBlue (Jul 29, 2012)

NeverEnuff said:


> Ok, since nobody else has brought this up, I'll be the "typical male" and do it myself. Is there any possibility that this "girls only" vacation is about...girls? I only ask because we live in a very contemporary age and the travel forums are replete with vacations designed exclusively for bi-sexual encounters. And many of those trips seem to be destinations in the Caribbean. No offense intended. Just asking.


Well you have found us out, our all girls vacations are all about getting our lesbian fantasies out.
Aren't all guys vacations the same


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## NeverEnuff (Jan 2, 2013)

abitlost said:


> Well you have found us out, our all girls vacations are all about getting our lesbian fantasies out.


Oh, if only that were true. :smthumbup:


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

The Middleman said:


> What I was saying is that I would make that part of boundaries between my wife and I if I were in your situation; your husband may have implied that within your agreed upon boundaries.
> 
> As far as your husband's friend is concerned, only you and your husband know the extent and depth of that relationship. It's unfortunate that I think this way but I have seen both here on this board and in my real life, "male best friends" hit on their friends wives with some pretty nasty end results. I'm not saying that is the case here, but it's worth noting.
> 
> ...


middleman..after reading soooo many of these threads i understand your pause to the best friend..maybe i need to clarify..he is married to a woman i love like a sister..and she is freakin hot..i mean MODEL hot..so no issue of him looking at normal little me lol..but also i am godmother to BOTH their kids...this man stays in my home with his whole family when they visit canada..probably six times in the last four years..and NEVER has he EVER been even close to out of line.


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## donewithit (Apr 7, 2010)

NeverEnuff said:


> Ok, since nobody else has brought this up, I'll be the "typical male" and do it myself. Is there any possibility that this "girls only" vacation is about...girls? I only ask because we live in a very contemporary age and the travel forums are replete with vacations designed exclusively for bi-sexual encounters. And many of those trips seem to be destinations in the Caribbean. No offense intended. Just asking.


um. ick. thats all i have to say on this..


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