# Custody during separation



## ItWillHappen (Dec 2, 2013)

My husband left a month ago. I got the ILYBINILWY speech, found out that on top of his depression and anxiety, he had been carrying an EA for a few months. He's now at his parents' house, and has been nasty since then. He's got the support of his parents, who now blame me as well. We have a 6 year old DD.
We have not filed yet, and there is no legal separation in our state. 

How in the world do you come up with a visitation schedule with someone you've come to hate? What would be reasonable?
Do I really have to agree to the overnight visits he desperately wants? 
My DD does not want to, and since he is deep into his depression, he cannot be trusted with her for an extend amount of time. During a previous deep depression episode, he told me he had images of hurting our daughter. I right away sent him to his parents until his meds kicked in. His current meds do not seem to be working and I have no clue what's going on in his mind.

The attorneys say since i have no proof, the crazy thoughts he's told me during various episodes will have no bearing. What do I do in the meantime?


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## Honorbound (Nov 19, 2013)

Wow... sorry you are going through this.

Your feelings towards him should have no bearing on visitation - you should also keep them to yourself around you daughter as well as you can. The issue should be what is best for her. 

Normally 50/50 would be ideal for all of you... but not in your case. If my X ever said anything like that, I'd push for supervised visitation for all I was worth... but right now you have no proof. 

You probably can request a court ordered psychological evaluation and make visitation contingent on that. That will at least get his condition considered by the court.

In the meantime... I'm not sure. That is a tough call that I don't envy you.


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## 06Daddio08 (Jul 26, 2012)

There are several different ways you can go about splitting up custody of the children, be it 50 / 50 or every other weekend with mid week visitations.

Really though, if he wants 50 / 50 it's within his right (and yours of course). Although, if you do honestly believe your children are in danger with him then request an evaluation? These are only suggestions as I do not live in your country nor your state, so your attorney would be best to advise you.

Some examples of 50 / 50 custody are;

- 1 week // 1 week with mid week visitation (with a possible over night). Example; At 6pm Sunday the children are picked up by dad, then on Wednesday you visit them in the evening for a few hours. At 6pm the following Sunday, mom picks the kids up and dad then gets the visit on Wednesday.

- 2-2-3. Example; Mon/Tue (Mom) // Wed/Thur (Dad) // Fri/Sat/Sun (Mom) ... then ... Mon/Tue (Dad) // Wed/Thur (Mom) // Fri/Sat/Sun (Dad). This way, every other weekend you share a long weekend with the children.

I personally do a 2 week rotation with the kids, child exchange happens on Sunday evenings and Wednesdays are visit days. This is due to my possible work schedule which rotates every 2 weeks if I'm required to.


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