# W smells bad sometimes



## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Is there a candid/diplomatic/non-hurtful way to tell your W she smells bad? It's very rare ... she prides herself on being really clean ... so she would definitely not like to hear this. But last night I didn't want to be anywhere near that. She noted that I kept to myself, wanted to know why, but I didn't want to tell her why.

It usually happens after a long day ... work and maybe dinner/drinks with friends (which, itself, doesn't happen often). She'll sometimes come back with a little BO stinky stank. 

I know that *I'd* like to know, if it were me. My ex W had no problem telling me. But she effing hated me.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

I would tell her - in a nice way


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Yikes. Are you meaning just general BO, or specifically down south?


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

Easy......."Hey Honey how about we go take a shower together"


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

3Xnocharm said:


> Yikes. Are you meaning just general BO, or specifically down south?


Def just general pit stank.


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

First, it might help if she makes a practice of taking a shower after these activities. Second, she probably needs a clinical strength deodorant, or maybe even a prescription one. If you are talking about a specific area of the body, then she needs to make sure she is cleaning AND drying that area, and she may need to see a doctor. Also, is her diet strange? Does she eat a lot of spicy or strange foods?

As far as how to tell her....if it were me, I would just say you love her it is NOT a reflection on her, but that sometimes when she comes home, she smells very strong, and it is affecting how close to her you can be. Maybe offer a shower together before intimacy. Don't draw it out and over-explain trying to tiptoe around; that just makes it more awkward. If she gets upset, just tell her you wouldn't intentionally hurt her for anything, but you wanted to be honest.

I mean, honestly, if she smells bad to you (if it is just general body odor) then she may smell to others, and THAT would be really embarrassing! I'd rather my husband tell me!


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

I would rather be told also, especially by my significant other, rather than say, a coworker. As for how to approach it... maybe suggest that she may need to find a new brand of deodorant? I know that I have issues with this, I can only use one brand that actually works for me, anything else just smells... ick... on me. Once in a while it will stop working and I change over to what I found to be the next best for a bit, then I can change back. I always worry about this, especially since I had noticed this happened with my mom. 

Tell her, for sure.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

If it were me when I hugged her when she got home I would just say, love you babe, just an fyi you got some stinky stank goin on there. It might be as simple as changing her deodorant or keeping a travel size in her purse for those long days. It's the same thing with bad breath. During allergy season, I can get some nasty sinus issues which can lead to bad breath. I rely on my wife to tell me I need some mouth wash or a mint. If you can't tell her who can.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

She's told me before that she sometimes doesn't wear it, that she doesn't really need it :surprise:

Personally, I know that I often need to rotate mine, as I can definitely smell myself. But she's never noted that I smell bad.

She bought us those natural charcoal deodorants (which I gonna say, work pretty amazingly for me). I'm thinking maybe she sometimes still goes without it, though. She has some autoimmune stuff going on, gluten stuff, and just got through with a nasty copper IUD experience ... doesn't like to mess with her bodily systems too much, especially atm. But, as said, she thinks she doesn't need deodorant.
.


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## Girl_power (Aug 11, 2018)

I would expect someone to tell me. “Omg babe you stink!” Would be fine for me.


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Average Joe said:


> She's told me before that she sometimes doesn't wear it, that she doesn't really need it :surprise:
> 
> Personally, I know that I often need to rotate mine, as I can definitely smell myself. But she's never noted that I smell bad.
> 
> ...


Then you FOR SURE need to let her know that she is wrong, lol.... Im sure other people are noticing!


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## Thound (Jan 20, 2013)

Have her get a blood test especially for diabetes


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

3Xnocharm said:


> Im sure other people are noticing!


good point !!!!!


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## personofinterest (Apr 6, 2018)

Average Joe said:


> She's told me before that she sometimes doesn't wear it, that she doesn't really need it :surprise:
> 
> Personally, I know that I often need to rotate mine, as I can definitely smell myself. But she's never noted that I smell bad.
> 
> ...


Um....no. She always needs it.


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

Average Joe said:


> She's told me before that she sometimes doesn't wear it, that she doesn't really need it :surprise:


She sounds like my son. Yes he needs it, lol. I tell him (and his friends) often. I never had a problem changing diapers or anything I don't get grossed out easily, but driving the boys home from lacrosse practice, brutal. 

Other people definitely notice her aroma, do her a solid and tell her.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

My teen son told me once that he doesn't always wear deodorant because he doesn't need it. I had to break it to him that he was very, _very_, wrong about that. Then I had to help him find a deodorant that didn't cause irritation. Which is the real reason he wasn't always wearing it. Some formulations would cause a mild rash that would actually make him sweat and stink worse. He didn't realize that wasn't normal or something that every product would do. Once we found a deodorant that he can tolerate well, he wears it daily and smells much less like sweaty yak butt.

OP, I think you really need to just tell your wife. Don't be unnecessarily mean about it. But she needs to know. I know I'd much rather an honest conversation with my SO than to wonder why he won't get near me.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

I don't have a problem with my husband giving me a heads up on these matters, body odor, bad breath. Couples who have been together should be able to have that kind of trust and confidence.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

I'll tell her, but I don't think she'll believe me. She's accused me before of smelling things that aren't there.

Question, people: Do others ever tell you that you smell, yet you can't smell your own stinky self?


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## 3Xnocharm (Jun 22, 2012)

Average Joe said:


> I'll tell her, but I don't think she'll believe me. She's accused me before of smelling things that aren't there.
> 
> Question, people: Do others ever tell you that you smell, yet you can't smell your own stinky self?


If she doesnt believe you, ask her what exactly your motivation would be to LIE about such a thing... also ask if she is willing to take the risk of not heeding your advice, then being in close proximity to other people, lol... would she really risk that?? I sure wouldnt! And no, I have never had someone tell me that I smell, but there have been times I have caught it myself! (in all my experiments to find a deodorant that worked with my body chemistry!)


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Average Joe said:


> Question, people: Do others ever tell you that you smell, yet you can't smell your own stinky self?



Becoming nose-blind to your own scent really isn't all that uncommon.  In fact, you'll really stop noticing most scents that you're exposed to continually. If you don't usually stink, then you'll notice when you do. If you do usually smell a certain way, then it won't be as apparent to you. This is the same phenomenon that causes you to not be able to smell your own perfume/cologne anymore after you've been wearing it a while.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Is she on any medication? There are some meds that both cause you to sweat and also make your sweat smell bad - adderall and other ADD drugs, for instance.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> Is she on any medication? There are some meds that both cause you to sweat and also make your sweat smell bad - adderall and other ADD drugs, for instance.


No, no drugs of any kind apart from an occasional ibuprofen.

It's really, really infrequent when this happens. But when it's happening, ish is ON.


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## Faithful Wife (Oct 31, 2012)

Average Joe said:


> No, no drugs of any kind apart from an occasional ibuprofen.
> 
> It's really, really infrequent when this happens. But when it's happening, ish is ON.


It’s possibly something in her diet, like coffee. I find that the sweat of coffee drinkers is more pungent than others. 

Anyway, since it is only once in awhile, you’ll have to bring it up as soon as you catch a whiff. Tell her sorry babe, but you are stinky right now, please go wash up (never just put deodorant on top of gross stinky pits without washing them). Make it light and funny. Hopefully she will raise her arm and smell it herself in the moment and realize wow, I do stink!


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Faithful Wife said:


> It’s possibly something in her diet, like coffee. I find that the sweat of coffee drinkers is more pungent than others.
> 
> Anyway, since it is only once in awhile, you’ll have to bring it up as soon as you catch a whiff. Tell her sorry babe, but you are stinky right now, please go wash up (never just put deodorant on top of gross stinky pits without washing them). Make it light and funny. Hopefully she will raise her arm and smell it herself in the moment and realize wow, I do stink!




Ha ... I should note that she took off her top, balled it up and smelled it, and was unfazed. She gets very concerned that she might smell like a restaurant. Nope, not last night. I woulda taken fajita, fer sure. :surprise:

She IS very keen on coffee ... hmmm


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## happyhusband0005 (May 4, 2018)

If she doesn't believe you eat some really spicy food and walk around the house crop dusting the place and act like you don't smell anything. 

Actually that might be a little over the top. That's something my grandmother would have done.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Faithful Wife;19789103 Make it light and funny. Hopefully she will raise her arm and smell it herself in the moment and realize wow said:


> Indeed. I've been thinking about weaving the message into a song, similar to the one Buddy the Elf sings to his dad.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

personofinterest said:


> First, it might help if she makes a practice of taking a shower after these activities. Second, she probably needs a clinical strength deodorant, or maybe even a prescription one. If you are talking about a specific area of the body, then she needs to make sure she is cleaning AND drying that area, and she may need to see a doctor. Also, is her diet strange? Does she eat a lot of spicy or strange foods?
> 
> As far as how to tell her....if it were me, I would just say you love her it is NOT a reflection on her, but that sometimes when she comes home, she smells very strong, and it is affecting how close to her you can be. Maybe offer a shower together before intimacy. Don't draw it out and over-explain trying to tiptoe around; that just makes it more awkward. If she gets upset, just tell her you wouldn't intentionally hurt her for anything, but you wanted to be honest.
> 
> I mean, honestly, if she smells bad to you (if it is just general body odor) then she may smell to others, and THAT would be really embarrassing! I'd rather my husband tell me!


*But do it rather diplomatically!

Or you may find yourself trying to reattach your appendage with Superglue!*


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Average Joe said:


> Ha ... I should note that she took off her top, balled it up and smelled it, and was unfazed. *She gets very concerned that she might smell like a restaurant*. Nope, not last night. I woulda taken fajita, fer sure. :surprise:
> 
> She IS very keen on coffee ... hmmm


If she is working in a restaurant that might mean her sense of smell is dulled. It also means that she needs to make doubly sure she doesn't smell because that will turns diners off really fast.

Tell her that even if she thinks she doesn't need it to use it anyway. Better safe than sorry. Also, make sure she is laundering her clothes frequently. Clothes can retain odors.


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## Bluesclues (Mar 30, 2016)

I don’t get the “traditional BO” smell but there have certainly been times the smell of boob sweat wasn’t so pleasant. It did not hurt my feelings when my husband told me to take a shower before bringing that stank into our bed. I think if he made a thing out of it like “I need to tell you something and I don’t want you to get upset, but...” then I would be hurt and self conscious. But “dude, you stink”. “I do?” “Seriously, you don’t normally, but wow” wouldn’t phase me.


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

Just ask if she was around some funky chedder.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*Or if she had been dining on some rather pungent crap sandwiches!*


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Every time she smells nice, just really ham it up about how she smells so good. When she stinks, go stone cold silent. Maybe she will piece it together. Haha


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> If she is working in a restaurant that might mean her sense of smell is dulled. It also means that she needs to make doubly sure she doesn't smell because that will turns diners off really fast.
> 
> Tell her that even if she thinks she doesn't need it to use it anyway. Better safe than sorry. Also, make sure she is laundering her clothes frequently. Clothes can retain odors.


No, she's an immunologist/research scientist/neat freak who (only very) occasionally goes out after work and comes home a little stinky, which is why this is so baffling to me. She is ultra, clinically clean ... house is ultra clean ... doesn't even let me go NEAR the laundry.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> Every time she smells nice, just really ham it up about how she smells so good. When she stinks, go stone cold silent. Maybe she will piece it together. Haha



I actually kinda do this already in a subtle way, I guess.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> *Every time she smells nice, just really ham it up about how she smells so good. When she stinks, go stone cold silent. Maybe she will piece it together. Haha*


*All too often, some well-meaning woman, or man, can overdo the perfume/cologne to the point that a pile of crap would smell just as aromatic!*


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Average Joe said:


> No, she's an immunologist/research scientist/neat freak who (only very) occasionally goes out after work and comes home a little stinky, which is why this is so baffling to me. She is ultra, clinically clean ... house is ultra clean ... doesn't even let me go NEAR the laundry.


I'm going to bet money its not her but her clothes. Some clothes, particularly man-made fibers, harbour smells really bad, even just after washing. I tend to look for 100% cotton tops, and even then I just keep renewing them because once bacteria has set in nothing will get the smell out. Why not take her shopping for some cotton tops.

I think what is more interesting about your post is being unable to just point it out. One of the best bits of being married for any length of time is being able to be brutally honest with each other in a way that nobody else can.

[Comes through the door. Big hug and a kiss]
"You're a bit whiffy love. Hard day? You go have a shower and I will make dinner"
[Sniffs pits]
"Urgh you're right. Back in a tick."

That is roughly how the conversation might go in our relationship. I think when you have raised teenagers the topic of body odour becomes increasingly easy to bring up. How long have you been married?


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

Average Joe said:


> No, she's an immunologist/research scientist/neat freak who (only very) occasionally goes out after work and comes home a little stinky, which is why this is so baffling to me. She is ultra, clinically clean ... house is ultra clean ... doesn't even let me go NEAR the laundry.


Then you have to ask yourself just what exactly is she doing in that restaurant. I doubt even competition eaters work up that much of a sweat. The next time she asks why you are keeping her at arm's length - tell her that her deodorant has failed.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

peacem said:


> I'm going to bet money its not her but her clothes. Some clothes, particularly man-made fibers, harbour smells really bad, even just after washing. I tend to look for 100% cotton tops, and even then I just keep renewing them because once bacteria has set in nothing will get the smell out. Why not take her shopping for some cotton tops.
> 
> I think what is more interesting about your post is being unable to just point it out. One of the best bits of being married for any length of time is being able to be brutally honest with each other in a way that nobody else can.
> 
> ...


Oh the smell was definitely still there when the clothes were long gone.
We've been married only nearly two years. I've already raised two adults. Her two kids are under 10.
BO is a very touchy subject, because she claims so adamantly to be very tuned in to her bodily functions.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

Blondilocks said:


> Then you have to ask yourself just what exactly is she doing in that restaurant. I doubt even competition eaters work up that much of a sweat. The next time she asks why you are keeping her at arm's length - tell her that her deodorant has failed.


This is great: The deodorant has failed. You have not. Totally using this, next time, without any fuss about it. Thanks!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

The natural -or no- deodorant she's wearing (or not) aren't working 100%, obviously.

Interestingly, I've found the natural deodorant seems to work better on men than women!


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

happyhusband0005 said:


> If it were me when I hugged her when she got home I would just say, love you babe, just an fyi you got some stinky stank goin on there. It might be as simple as changing her deodorant or keeping a travel size in her purse for those long days. It's the same thing with bad breath. During allergy season, I can get some nasty sinus issues which can lead to bad breath. I rely on my wife to tell me I need some mouth wash or a mint. If you can't tell her who can.


It's not a big deal. Smiles and non serious delivery.

You're married for goodness' sake. This isn't a thing to cause problems in the grand scheme of things. 

Don't get fooled by her telling you it's oh you hurt my feelings time.


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## TheDudeLebowski (Oct 10, 2017)

Livvie said:


> The natural -or no- deodorant she's wearing (or not) aren't working 100%, obviously.
> 
> Interestingly, I've found the natural deodorant seems to work better on men than women!


As a man, I'll let you in on a little secret. The reason Secret deodorant is called "secret" is because men probably use that brand as much as women. So thats the secret. Men use it just as much if not more than women. 

It all starts one day were we grab the speedstick, old spice, or right guard and realize we are out! What is worse? Smelling like a burger with triple onions, or floral baby powder? No question about it. So we sneak the wife, girlfriend, or significant other's deodorant for that morning. Only to realize at the end of the day, its the best deodorant we have ever used. Then we confess to our ladies when we come home with a new stick of Secret unscented. Which does have a scent btw, so IDK how they get away with calling that unscented. 

Ive been using secret for a good 12 years now and I'll never change it up. Its not just the smell it stops, it's the perspiration as well, better than anything!


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

TheDudeLebowski said:


> As a man, I'll let you in on a little secret. The reason Secret deodorant is called "secret" is because men probably use that brand as much as women. So thats the secret. Men use it just as much if not more than women.
> 
> It all starts one day were we grab the speedstick, old spice, or right guard and realize we are out! What is worse? Smelling like a burger with triple onions, or floral baby powder? No question about it. So we sneak the wife, girlfriend, or significant other's deodorant for that morning. Only to realize at the end of the day, its the best deodorant we have ever used. Then we confess to our ladies when we come home with a new stick of Secret unscented. Which does have a scent btw, so IDK how they get away with calling that unscented.
> 
> Ive been using secret for a good 12 years now and I'll never change it up. Its not just the smell it stops, it's the perspiration as well, better than anything!


I was a proud Dry Idea guy for a long time. Not just the solid, but the roller ball too. So ballin'.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

Next time it happens...appear as though you just caught the whiff of something bad...sniff your own pits firsts, let out a “nope”, sniff towards her, and go “Bingo! Geez, rough day baby?” with a big goofy grin.>


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

Have you told your wife yet? Do you enjoy a jokey relationship? If it were my husband (or me for that matter) all we'd have to say is, hon, you smell a little gamey. Or ripe. We'd laugh and the smellie nellie would head for the shower. Easy.


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## Average Joe (Sep 2, 2015)

lucy999 said:


> Have you told your wife yet? Do you enjoy a jokey relationship? If it were my husband (or me for that matter) all we'd have to say is, hon, you smell a little gamey. Or ripe. We'd laugh and the smellie nellie would head for the shower. Easy.


At this point, I'm gonna wait until next time, then perform a surgical strike on that stank.


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## LeGenDary_Man (Sep 25, 2013)

Average Joe said:


> Is there a candid/diplomatic/non-hurtful way to tell your W she smells bad? It's very rare ... she prides herself on being really clean ... so she would definitely not like to hear this. But last night I didn't want to be anywhere near that. She noted that I kept to myself, wanted to know why, but I didn't want to tell her why.
> 
> It usually happens after a long day ... work and maybe dinner/drinks with friends (which, itself, doesn't happen often). She'll sometimes come back with a little BO stinky stank.
> 
> I know that *I'd* like to know, if it were me. My ex W had no problem telling me. But she effing hated me.


Yes; "My love, body odor is strong at the moment. Shower time..." 

Nobody is perfect. Encourage her to try a new deodorant and/or apply body powder after taking a bath.

If your wife retort that you also stink at times then give her a smile and tell her that you would expect from her to let you know right then. 

This kind of conversation should not be an issue between a couple.


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