# Holidays coming up and I don't know what to do...



## Will Overcome (Apr 1, 2013)

My wife has checked out of the marriage, and she wants a divorce. I love her dearly, and I want to make the marriage work, but she doesn't.

She has printed out the divorce paperwork to get the process started, but I haven't been able to bring myself to sign it yet.

We will be living in the same house through the divorce process, and we will be doing an "Uncontested" divorce.

With the holidays coming up, I have this on my mind:

Several weeks ago I purchased her some presents for Christmas. What do I do with them? Should I give them to her? Should I return the gifts? I know this might seem like a ridiculous question, but these are the types of thoughts I am having, and the types of thoughts that keep me awake at night.

I'm still in shock over this whole thing, and I am having great difficulty in accepting the reality that I am losing my wife.


----------



## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

Do you want to give them to her? If yes, give them to her. If no, then don't. 

Sorry to hear about your dissolving marriage.


----------



## Will Overcome (Apr 1, 2013)

Jellybeans said:


> Do you want to give them to her? If yes, give them to her. If no, then don't.
> 
> Sorry to hear about your dissolving marriage.


Truth be told - I love her and I do want to give the gifts to her.

Thanks for the advice.


----------



## helolover (Aug 24, 2012)

Just be prepared for no reciprocation. 

The gifts cannot be a covert contract. If you give, expect nothing in return (and be good with that).


----------



## Stretch (Dec 12, 2012)

My suggestion is to go dark, stop contact, return the gifts and prepare for your new life, which might be with your wife or it might be without her.

Either way, you are focused on YOU, moving forward for YOU and becoming optimistic for YOUR future.

No contact is the only way to heal.

Stretch


----------



## outNabout (Mar 2, 2013)

Likely you'll feel this way, not knowing what to do, rather often. Just go with it. At some moments you'll express your thoughts and emotions and perhaps think differently later. That's how it is for me much of the time at least, hard to understand and know what way is up. 

Review what you know is right and true for the long term. Keep trying to take the right path, make right decisions and act virtuous. You have to live with your own decisions regardless of how bad the other person acts. 

This is really really difficult and I'm really sorry for what you're going through. TAM is a great place to find some support. Work on building your support network with a therapist, church, family and friends.


----------



## cbnero (Dec 6, 2013)

I think you should return the presents. Then 180 her, starting today. Tell her you agree the marriage is not worth saving and sign the paperwork. Then get your own bank acct, cell phone plan, do the 180 amd go dark. But do not move out. She can go if she wants to.

Start with respecting yourself. She obviously doesnt think much of you right now. Any begging and pleading will not improve your position in her eyes.

She probably thinks you will beg her to stay. Do the opposite. If there is anything left in her that values the marriage you will find out. If not you save yourself a ton of heartache and time because the end result will be the same, but only after she puts you through the ringer for a couple months.

Remember SHE is the one that doesnt value the marriage. SHE is the one that needs to do the work. You need to work on yourself too so dont waste the opportunity during this process. See a counselor, get in shape, start going out with friends or into other activities. You survived and had happy days before her, she needs to see and YOU need to realize you will be fine without her. Women want what they cant have. Make yourself less available, get your emotions in check, and do the 180!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Return the gifts and use the money to buy something for you.


----------



## mablenc (Feb 26, 2013)

Does she deserve the gifts? Take them back cash in and use that money.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------

