# Forehead, head kiss....



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

This is something used to never to and over the last 10 months or so does frequently now, as goodbye, goodnight, etc... I have pointed it out to him in discussions of improving our marriage and it doesn't seem to stick. He did it again this morning as a goodbye... 
what gives? Why the sudden change? Have I been downgraded in his eyes to that of the same status of one of our children to be kissed on the head? It urks me every time he does it. We have definitely been struggling with intimacy and emotional connection (from his side).... he just doesn't seem that into me anymore, I guess this is is just one of the many signs of it. It's slowly killing me with stress. He does things to show he loves me, like make me a special lunch or something but the desire is just not there... and again a kiss on the head just drives the knife deeper to me, I'd rather have no kiss at all then the kiss of friendship.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

*sad*

I completely understand this. Sorry, Livy.


----------



## alwaysoverwhelmed (Apr 24, 2012)

That would be tough to take considering the circumstances. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this, and I hope things work out for you.


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Any advice? Or do I just accept that this is another one of his changes.... Last night I actually looked up the signs that a husband isn't into his wife anymore... and they are pretty much all there.... it threw me into a panic attack full with migraine... because up until this point my husband denies it. Says he is still in love with me he is still attracted to me, ect... but I don't feel it, and I thought I was going out of my mind. Then the whole sex post yesterday where I read about men who just don't want to have sex with their wives and that started me to research further because my husbands behavior is not like him at all.... and now I am at a complete loss. I do not want to be strung along because of the kids. I want him to either give it his all or let me go. I think it's time for marriage counseling because he isn't being honest with me about his feelings.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Definitely time for MC. Also probably time to disengage a bit if you haven't already -- trying too hard is not working, obviously. (I can say that to you because Trying Too Hard is my middle name.)

xox


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

lamaga said:


> Definitely time for MC. Also probably time to disengage a bit if you haven't already -- trying too hard is not working, obviously. (I can say that to you because Trying Too Hard is my middle name.)
> 
> xox


Yes.... I have disengaged before and then he got mad... but this time it is wreaking havoc on my health from the stress.


----------



## lamaga (May 8, 2012)

Oh, honey. yeah, you guys need some professional, neutral help. I hope he will agree to go. If he doesn't, I think you should go anyway.


----------



## Ten_year_hubby (Jun 24, 2010)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Any advice?
> Says he is still in love with me he is still attracted to me, ect... but I don't feel it


This is classic communication failure. There are very few of us that don't feel it at one time or another.

My immediate advice would be to ask your husband to start dating you, at least once a month and preferable once a week. Ask him to pick the place, make all the arrangements, get the babysitter and let you know when you need to be ready.

Next you need start owning your feelings. As justified as they are, it is your choice to allow whatever he does or doesn't do affect the way you feel. Don't allow yourself to be stressed. Quit trying to map his behavior into some greater negative. Believe what he says and try to understand why he is not able to get this through to you.


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

I'm going to. I just got off the phone with the insurance, no matter what I get the first 3 sessions free, whether he wants to go or not... I need it at this point. I agree with you.


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Ten_year_hubby said:


> This is classic communication failure. There are very few of us that don't feel it at one time or another.
> 
> My immediate advice would be to ask your husband to start dating you, at least once a month and preferable once a week. Ask him to pick the place, make all the arrangements, get the babysitter and let you know when you need to be ready.
> 
> Next you need start owning your feelings. As justified as they are, it is your choice to allow whatever he does or doesn't do affect the way you feel. Don't allow yourself to be stressed. Quit trying to map his behavior into some greater negative. Believe what he says and try to understand why he is not able to get this through to you.


 I have been working on that... and I have asked him to plan things, money is tight and we have no sitter, but I have asked him to plan things here at home when they are in bed, he just comes up with excuses, or plans things that involve them and let them stay up later and I feel like he totally blew me off. I understand what you mean about not making mountains out of mole hills, trust me I have been trying SOOOOOO hard on that... and many times I do succeed and saying I am not going to let this have power over me! Put myself in a good mood with something else, etc... but this one was just over the top again, especially when I told him about it, and it wasn't all that recent either. I focus on the good he does, I tell him how much I appreciate the good he does... I reciprocate. If you have followed my posts we have been working on a lot... I have told him all my feelings, but I feel like he has held back and hasn't been honest. But honestly how can he say one thing and then behave in a different manner and expect me to believe what he says if he doesn't show it consistently? I see your point though... but the difference is I have been "not" feeling it a lot over the last months.... not just a little a LOT. His actions speak far louder than his words, and only once I told him that, did he start to do more little things... and even then it seems forced...and I wonder is he just doing it because I said something, lol.. yeah shut my brain off.. lol. I know easier said than done when you have anxiety. Anyway. I thank you for your input, I do need a more open mind. But I do think so much has happened in the last year we need some help, we are struggling to do this on our own.... I feel soooo much better just calling to find out the benefits of MC from our insurance and having the list of counselors.... and I'm pretty sure he will be receptive because we went once before, but we were very young, and we only went to one session because we heard everything we needed to hear and made a very rapid turnaround back then. This time is different. We've been at it for months.


----------



## sculley (Jun 6, 2012)

I don't know the background but when my husband does the head kiss I swoon  It shows me that he adores me that he isn't just trying to kiss me to lead to sex but like I said I don't know the story behind it.


----------



## seesah (Apr 26, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> This is something used to never to and over the last 10 months or so does frequently now, as goodbye, goodnight, etc... I have pointed it out to him in discussions of improving our marriage and it doesn't seem to stick. He did it again this morning as a goodbye...
> what gives? Why the sudden change? Have I been downgraded in his eyes to that of the same status of one of our children to be kissed on the head? It urks me every time he does it. We have definitely been struggling with intimacy and emotional connection (from his side).... he just doesn't seem that into me anymore, I guess this is is just one of the many signs of it. It's slowly killing me with stress. He does things to show he loves me, like make me a special lunch or something but the desire is just not there... and again a kiss on the head just drives the knife deeper to me, I'd rather have no kiss at all then the kiss of friendship.


I personally love when my husband kisses me on the forehead, but if you are noticing other signs of him distancing himself from you, then I can see why it causes you anxiety.

Maybe he doesn't see kissing you on the forehead as such a big deal?

I'm sorry you're going through this. I agree that if you are having trouble believing that he is into you, then MC is the next step. To relieve your own anxiety, stop picking apart his motives behind things. What is his love language? Is he telling you he loves you by speaking his love language?


----------



## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

I get the cheek or forehead kiss but mine is due to lack of intimacy, emotional connection that was broken years ago. If I want a kiss on the lips I have to initiate it. He's all for that. He just won't do it on his own.

It has nothing to do with him not loving me. But I'm with others if there are other signs then yes it's a big deal.


----------



## Cosmos (May 4, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> This is something used to never to and over the last 10 months or so does frequently now, as goodbye, goodnight, etc... I have pointed it out to him in discussions of improving our marriage and it doesn't seem to stick. He did it again this morning as a goodbye...
> what gives? Why the sudden change? Have I been downgraded in his eyes to that of the same status of one of our children to be kissed on the head? It urks me every time he does it. We have definitely been struggling with intimacy and emotional connection (from his side).... he just doesn't seem that into me anymore, I guess this is is just one of the many signs of it. It's slowly killing me with stress. He does things to show he loves me, like make me a special lunch or something but the desire is just not there... and again a kiss on the head just drives the knife deeper to me, I'd rather have no kiss at all then the kiss of friendship.


I know how this must hurt, and it isn't the same, but how about turning things around (at least initially) by taking his hand when he does this and planting a kiss on his lips?


----------



## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Any advice? Or do I just accept that this is another one of his changes.... Last night I actually looked up the signs that a husband isn't into his wife anymore... and they are pretty much all there.... it threw me into a panic attack full with migraine... because up until this point my husband denies it. Says he is still in love with me he is still attracted to me, ect... but I don't feel it, and I thought I was going out of my mind. Then the whole sex post yesterday where I read about men who just don't want to have sex with their wives and that started me to research further because my husbands behavior is not like him at all.... and now I am at a complete loss. I do not want to be strung along because of the kids. I want him to either give it his all or let me go. I think it's time for marriage counseling because he isn't being honest with me about his feelings.


MC is a great idea. May I ask a couple things?
What has lead to your intimacy problems? Did you just start having less sex and and became less interested in each other? Perhaps loss of sex drive?

I can't tell you for one thing...stress and all the daily things a person does can really turn anyone off that they have no desire to have sex, when sex goes, couples become insecure about their partners feeling/emotions/desires.

My bf (we're like a married couple) and I used to have the best sex, had sex drive like crazy. Well since we first met there has come so many things that stress out beyond belieft. Even thought we're both attracted to each and love each other we were losing our desire to have sex. That was becoming to lead to lots of insecurities issues and other problems for me and him, I thought he wasn't attracted to me. 

What I realized after reading through lots of sites is that I have not lost my sex drive but it has been surpressed by all the stress I deal with. When I come home I do my chores and don't want to do anything else, including sex.

I realized my lazziness (from stress) has led to this. So on tuesday I decided to spice things up (because I was tired of supressing my sex drive, and I wanted to feel really connected to him like before) and surprise my bf and be the one asking for sex instead of him. Well of course he loved it and all the foreplay he got. The next I made the first move again, but he decided to take over and pleasured me (for the first time in long time to thank me for the day before) until I came (which takes a loooong time, many times doesn't even happen).

I loved the attention and I could tell there was a light turned in his eyes, he was immediately more into me. The next day I returned the favor and vice versa and we had sex 3 times.

Needless to say, having those 3 night of intimacy really relaxed us, made us happier and reconnected us. Now I will NEVER ever let it get the way it got before. I refused to let my stress to get in the way of our sex life. We both ended up talking about how we need to reduce our stresses, we're beginning to meditate and do yoga together, it's nice bonding and also leaves you feel whole.

Sex is HUGE factor for men, that is their way of showing love to you, and if it's reduced the man withdraws. I say since he is giving you friendship kisses, give him a passionate kiss, surprise him, don't wait for him. REFUSE to go along with his actions, he will love that you are fighting for his affection, as you know "Actions Speak Louder Than Words". Many men who don't feel satisfied with his sex life become withdrawn, and women think they aren't attracted to them anymore or doesn't love them anymore.

You can do nothing and wait for him to make the first move, but clearly that isn't helping either of you. So don't be afraid to make the move. Dress up in lingerie and surprise him! Spend couple hours just pelasuring each other. Once you've that reconnected, keep surprsing him like whenever you can. Also take a getaway or go on a date of some sort, do something new and exciting. And don't let this be a one time thing, repeat it once or twice a week at least, not only he but also you will feel like a different person.

I can tell you if you did this, i DOUBT your husband will kiss you on forehead like that again. I am sure he loves like he says he does, but I think he is trying to signal (subconsciously) to you that he needs more affection/intimacy from you. Once you give some, he will do the same in return.

Don't let stress run your relationship. Take a bath and do meditation at same time. (if you need I have tons of great meditations I have on CD that I can email you, just message me if you'd like some)

Once you get his "physical" attention, he wil be far more willing to listen to the emotional things. After couple intimate dates, when you're reconnected have an honest kind talk with him. Print out some Q&As, there is ton online and you can each take it and write down your needs and heart's desires.

I can tell you sex is prob the #1 reason men withdraw, in my relationship, whenever we had less sex is when we argued the most and when I felt the most insecure. It's amazing how not having sex/as much sex can have tremendous affect on both of you.

Sorry it's so long >.<
But I think you should give this a try. either surprise him and knock his socks off, or ask him to reserve a day/weekend for some real intimacy  Make sure to also find out what it is he need or what you can do to make thigns easier for him, or what you can do to make things better. I have no doubt he will do the same in return. Just don't accuse him of anything, make it more about what you can do instead of he/you have done 

This may not be the reason why he is withdrawn, but I have feeling this could be it. Not having much sex/intimacy and stress are the only thing that make me and my bf disconnected.

Good luck hun


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

Thanks onelovexo there was actually a follow up to this (and many prelude posts) since we moved here things have been different, we also had an issue with another "friend" who he became defensive about and therefore I suspicious and jelous.. however, our entire relationship the only thing we had ever had a problem about was sex, he was HD and I LD... well when I found this site (actually before) in attempt to resolve things from moving, I started coming home at lunch here which was great because I was more alert, (less pain I have a back problem) so I started initiated lunches  sexy lunches, things were great till his bottomed out and then his affection started dwindling... then the woman entered the picture and things went to hell quickly. well we got into a big fight today, and I found out why... if you want to read that part, read my thread titled update. It actually is so crazy... bascially he decided to pay me back for being LD for years... right when I am hitting my peak. Do men not research that woman go through their sexual peak in their 30s and that having babies eat from their breasts is not a turn on... I had two of them back to back.... jewiz... anyway resentment built and blew up today.... not sure where we are at the moment but I had done all of what you said and when we did have sex it was great, of course because he was just sitting back and waiting for me to initiate it, when our situation no longer fit the profile for him to implement the methods of no initiation and no attention... instead it left me feeling inadequate, insecure, wondering if he was cheating or worse.... now at least I know.


----------



## OneLoveXo (Jun 5, 2012)

livelaughlovenow said:


> Thanks onelovexo there was actually a follow up to this (and many prelude posts) since we moved here things have been different, we also had an issue with another "friend" who he became defensive about and therefore I suspicious and jelous.. however, our entire relationship the only thing we had ever had a problem about was sex, he was HD and I LD... well when I found this site (actually before) in attempt to resolve things from moving, I started coming home at lunch here which was great because I was more alert, (less pain I have a back problem) so I started initiated lunches  sexy lunches, things were great till his bottomed out and then his affection started dwindling... then the woman entered the picture and things went to hell quickly. well we got into a big fight today, and I found out why... if you want to read that part, read my thread titled update. It actually is so crazy... bascially he decided to pay me back for being LD for years... right when I am hitting my peak. Do men not research that woman go through their sexual peak in their 30s and that having babies eat from their breasts is not a turn on... I had two of them back to back.... jewiz... anyway resentment built and blew up today.... not sure where we are at the moment but I had done all of what you said and when we did have sex it was great, of course because he was just sitting back and waiting for me to initiate it, when our situation no longer fit the profile for him to implement the methods of no initiation and no attention... instead it left me feeling inadequate, insecure, wondering if he was cheating or worse.... now at least I know.


Awww I am so sorry to hear that. At least you tried your best, it's unfortunate he couldn't appreciate it and return the favor back. Will you send me link to you "update" so I can catch up on your story? Again deeply sorry the things you're going through, you seem like a really good wife *HUGS*


----------



## livelaughlovenow (Apr 23, 2012)

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/48232-update.html

Haven't lost hope yet


----------



## rks1 (Jan 27, 2012)

Me too. I LOVE the head kiss.... I just want to take my husband in my arms and hold him forever when he kisses me in such a tender way like that.



sculley said:


> I don't know the background but when my husband does the head kiss I swoon  It shows me that he adores me that he isn't just trying to kiss me to lead to sex but like I said I don't know the story behind it.


----------

