# New user feeling hurt and betrayed



## Chiccatchick

Hi all so this year marks 15 years we have been together and at times I know I was difficult to live with. I had u diagnosed stuff going on that taken a few years to get sorted. I acknowledged I wasn’t as nice to him as I should have been when that all first began and since then I’ve changed all that and I’ve been supportive even when I’ve been going through loads of things myself.
We had sex issues from quite early on he’s quite shy and I have quite low self esteem as I’ve been bullied in the past for my looks before.
Ive been trying for years to make this better but he just switched off from this totally. Then I’ve just found out when I was at my worst he was on every hook up site imaginable and was trying to Meetup for NSA and affairs and alsorts.

I did find out roughly at the time but he said he was stopping it. I didn’t realise the extent of it at all until a couple of days ago. He told me he never met up with anyone but he lies about silly inconsequential things at times and sometimes that makes it hard to trust him. I feel like I’m going mad sometimes and I don’t know what to believe.
Lately things have got better overall so I’ve tried to introduce sex back into the equation and been asking for pictures etc and he won’t send them to me and says things like he can’t take them where he is but on these sites he had done just that and posted them for the world to see. So it feels obvious it’s just me he doesn’t want to send them too.
I’ve felt rejected for years and now i’m feeling so much more rejected. I know it’s not the be all and end all of things. But it would be nice to feel desired and it’s not his fault but each time he’s rejected me it’s chipped away at me but by bit and now I just feel so so undesirable. I’m at such a loss of what to do.


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## SunCMars

You have admitted your faults, he _has not _from what I can see.

Can you forgive him for being on those hookup sites?

Not that you should, of course.

What sort of pictures of him are you seeking?



Loneliness is that relentless dread. 

Only you have control over your self esteem. 

A husband can help in this department.
Yours lives in another compartment, altogether.

Do you have friends and family that you can talk to?


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## Chiccatchick

Hi thanks so much for your reply and the food for thought.

I can forgive him as I understand why he did it and to be honest if he was open with me it wouldn’t really bother me too much. If we were having sex and being sexual in our talk and lives with each other I wouldn’t actually mind. It’s the fact he isn’t willing to be sexual with me and has been so secretive about it that hurts. I’m actually really understanding and I know I hurt him and I think I just have got to the point where I feel worse and worse about myself even though I’ve been good to him over the past few years.

The problem I have is I can’t really talk to family or friends about this as I feel like I have to protect him. Everyone believes he’s this amazing guy and he’s so nice and wouldn’t hurt a fly but I’ve seen this side of him and I know we humans have our darker sides but I can’t burst their bubble for them.

I don’t believe he has done this lately and he’s been a lot more open with me and I think he’s trying. I think he just gave up for a few years and I was on a weird pilot mode helping others but never dealing with loads of loss that I had. I’m much more myself now which is probably why these issues are cropping up now.

I feel that if he just didn’t keep acting weird when I asked him for pictures( sexy ones or sexy chat) then I would feel he was trying and I could just put that all to rest in my mind. But it almost feels like a betrayal that he won’t try to make me feel like a sexual being in any way.


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## married54yrs

Chiccatchick said:


> Hi all so this year marks 15 years we have been together and at times I know I was difficult to live with. I had u diagnosed stuff going on that taken a few years to get sorted. I acknowledged I wasn’t as nice to him as I should have been when that all first began and since then I’ve changed all that and I’ve been supportive even when I’ve been going through loads of things myself.
> We had sex issues from quite early on he’s quite shy and I have quite low self esteem as I’ve been bullied in the past for my looks before.
> Ive been trying for years to make this better but he just switched off from this totally. Then I’ve just found out when I was at my worst he was on every hook up site imaginable and was trying to Meetup for NSA and affairs and alsorts.
> 
> I did find out roughly at the time but he said he was stopping it. I didn’t realise the extent of it at all until a couple of days ago. He told me he never met up with anyone but he lies about silly inconsequential things at times and sometimes that makes it hard to trust him. I feel like I’m going mad sometimes and I don’t know what to believe.
> Lately things have got better overall so I’ve tried to introduce sex back into the equation and been asking for pictures etc and he won’t send them to me and says things like he can’t take them where he is but on these sites he had done just that and posted them for the world to see. So it feels obvious it’s just me he doesn’t want to send them too.
> I’ve felt rejected for years and now i’m feeling so much more rejected. I know it’s not the be all and end all of things. But it would be nice to feel desired and it’s not his fault but each time he’s rejected me it’s chipped away at me but by bit and now I just feel so so undesirable. I’m at such a loss of what to do.


What is the one thing you would most like to change?


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## Chiccatchick

The dishonesty as it makes me feel like I can’t believe my own mind.


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## Diana7

Chiccatchick said:


> The dishonesty as it makes me feel like I can’t believe my own mind.


It's almost impossible to trust someone who lies.


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## Pam

Are you not physically in the same place? You say he said he couldn't take pictures where he is?


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## DownByTheRiver

Look, from the outside looking in, all I'm hearing is that your man is a liar and that you've never had a good relationship. I'm struggling to see why you don't just file papers and leave.


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