# Thoughts on getting married young/ age differences?



## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

I’m just curious to get your thoughts on this. Has anyone here gotten married young? If so, how did it turn out? Is there an age difference between you and your spouse? Do you think having an age difference makes things more difficult? What are the pros/cons? 

I got married at 19 and my husband was 29. He had been married once before (no children) so he was more experienced than me. She was the first person he had ever had a serious relationship with. I, however, had never been in a serious relationship at all. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go on dates or have boyfriends, but I just had very protective parents and was sheltered a lot. I never expected to marry the first person that I got into a relationship with, but when I met my husband, I just wasn’t interested in anyone else and I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. We have had some conflicts, like most couples, but for the most part, we get along really well. We have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids together. 

My mom, who also got married at a young age, didnt want me to get married at 19. She regretted getting married at a young age, so she thought I would regret it too. She would always tell me that I needed to explore other relationships and get more experience before settling down. But, I think sometimes you just know if it’s the right person. And in that case, what’s the point in dating anyone else? 

She also thought that our age difference might cause problems, but I don’t feel like it has. Thoughts?


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

It sounds like you are looking for a problem. 

What is leading to this questioning?
@lifeistooshort

Sent from my Pixel XL using Tapatalk


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Different things work for different people. If you are happy together, than that is great - don't break it.

In general though, I would discourage marrying early - many people change a lot as they grow up. I also think some real world experience with dating may make people happier in their marriages later because they realize that dating is often not nearly as much fun as it sounds.


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## WorkingWife (May 15, 2015)

At 19, ten years seems like a significant age difference. But as you age and share life experiences together, I don't think it's that big. If you've been together 8 years and are reasonably happy - that's fantastic. Keep doing what you've been doing.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I got married in my early 20s, and I'm grateful that I had children when I was on the younger side.

Marriage is hard, regardless of age. 

People think that waiting and marrying older will help, or dating lots of others will help, but I haven't seen either of those play out with better results.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

There are couples who marry young with an age difference like this ... and their marriages soar, still happily married , loving life & their families 20 + yrs later (have friends like that.. she married at 17 & he was 10 yrs older) .... and others who regret... it's hard to say.....you have to know THYSELF well and what you want out of life & love ... are you both stubborn in what you want.. do your values / dreams align... one can't answer this for you... 

And what happens to our parents, their regrets ... we may take a very different path over them... and it work....or look back and realize ... how right they were , why didn't we listen !

Love is always some sort of risk.... if you feel any inkling you may regret your choices or you are missing out somehow.. I wouldn't get married young.. if you feel it is a great blessing, like an answered prayer having met this person who brightens your life, that you mutually "CLICK" with , where both of you can't imagine life without the other by their side...AND still feeling this way after 18 months of dating ...along with resolving fights along the way.... this should give you better odds...

Never wise to jump in after a few months and marry.. that's WAY TOO SOON....no matter our age...


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## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

september_sky said:


> Has anyone here gotten married young? If so, how did it turn out? Is there an age difference between you and your spouse? Do you think having an age difference makes things more difficult? What are the pros/cons?


 The divorce statistics for people that marry young is misleading. People that marry young often do it because the woman got pregnant. Marrying because of a pregnancy places a young couple in serious stress right away before they get to enjoy life as a couple, and before they are financially able to best handle a baby. Financial stress is a common cause of divorce. It also limits the ability to have fun together so that they can grow tight as a couple before they have the demands of being parents of small children.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

10 years at that age is a lot of difference

You are completely different at 19 and 29.

10 years is not such a big deal when you get older though, so I hope you guys remain happy.

The issue for you may be the day you decide you want to experience someone else. It's not a given, but could happen. Also, you will change a lot. 

In my case, my hb is 19 years older.....we met when I was 31 and he was 50.

Now that I'm 44 and he's 63 it's an issue because I've changed a lot, while he's the same. It's to be expected though because at his age you pretty much are who you are.

You will likely change more then your hb, though he's still pretty young too so he'll also change. You'll have to see whether you change together.


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## thefam (Sep 9, 2014)

OMG! If it wasn't for the fact that your hubby was 29 when you got married and mine was 24 I would think I posted this while in a trance! I was 19, he was my first everything, we have 3 kids, my mom didn't want us to get married either! She took it upon herself to have a nice long talk with him which he told me about after we got married. He was a serious player before we got dated and my mom told him if he was going to break my heart he had better do it now before we got married and I could get over it.

We've had our ups and downs like any married couple but our marriage is very solid so far. But I think you and I are among few and I wouldn't recommend it. The thing is back then there is no way anyone could have persuaded me to let him go after he asked me to marry him.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

I can give you a bunch of reasons why I wouldn't have done what you did, but you aren't me. If you were thinking about doing this, I might in case any of it resonated. 

But you aren't thinking about it, you've done it, so I wish you luck. There are people who do this and it works out.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I am not sure how much the actual number means vs things like education, career prospects, financial management, ability to divorce and get out of a bad situation etc etc. 

Do you have an education or legitimate, documented job training?

Do you have a job/career that will provide a living wage if he gets killed or if you divorce for whatever reason?

Do you have your own savings, investments and lines of credit?

Are you able to leave and provide for yourself and your children if he starts abusing you or abandons you for someone else etc?

Those things are more important than actual age but the issue is very few 19 year olds have the education/training to provide for themselves and often become very dependent and unable to care for themselves and children when they start popping out kids before becoming educated and established in a livable wage career. 

Regardless of whether someone is 19 or 49, everyone needs to have legitimate education/job training and the ability to maintain employment with a livable income and everyone needs to have their own savings and lines of credit. 

Regardless of age, every married person needs to have the ability to pull the ejection handle at any time if they need to exit the marriage and everyone needs to be able to provide for themselves and their children in the event that their spouse dies or leaves. 

The younger the person, the less likely they will be able to do that. 

And the younger that people bare offspring the less likely they will be able to do that. 

My issue is often not the actual age, but the ability to support oneself in today's economy. 

Baby-popping 19 year olds are typically not able to support themselves and their children on their own and thusly often dependent others which will place them and the children at more risk of abuse, exploitation and poverty in the event of death or divorce.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

.... let me put it this way - it's ok to marry young as long as you are able to divorce and as long as you are able to carry on if your spouse gets killed unexpectedly. 


If you can't support yourself and can't walk away the moment your spouse becomes abusive or cheats or abandons you, then don't get married. 

If you can't support your children adequately if you divorce or become widowed, then don't have them until you can. 

It's ok to get married as long as you can pull the ejection handle on a moment's notice and get divorced if someone starts to mistreat you or abandons you or dies. 

Until you are able to do that, then don't marry yet.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

My concern with 10 year age gaps is why is a 29 year old man hussling and marrying a 19 year teenager?

The girl often thinks it's because she is cuter and firmer and sexier than women his age. 

The real reason is often much darker and more nefarious. 

The main reason adult men marry much younger teens and early 20somethings is because they are easier to control and manipulate. And the fact that women their own age are on to them and won't give them the time of day. 

If they can sweet talk a young girl, then knock her up and keep her at home and keep her uneducated and unemployed/underemployed and keep her away from her family and support system, he can basically treat her however he wants and keep her under his thumb and manipulate her easily. 

If he was a decent man that wanted a true partnership, he would find a woman his own age and his own level of education and career prospect and women with that pedigree would also accept him if he was legit. 

But a 29 year old man hussling a 19 year old is because women his age won't touch him with a ten foot pole and he wants someone he can control and manipulate. 

Then as long as she has a litter of kids and no education or means of supporting them, he can basically do whatever he wants to her and she is pretty much stuck with him and unable to leave.


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## BigDigg (Jan 11, 2018)

I got married when I was 25 (wife slightly older - 26). Can only speak for myself but would say that had I gotten married any younger I would have been a poor husband. I can't imagine what it would have been like but I feel like I would have missed out on so much and would have resented it later. As it was I still felt like I was playing 'husband' until we had kids (at 31) which really forced us both to grow up. My 20's were such an amazing time and so much personal growth for us both. It worked out really well for us and we have a great marriage today with no regrets.

As for the age gap - I think it's a positive that your husband was 29 meaning maybe he's experienced that same growth, lived enough to be ready to settle down and commit. I think women are probably a bit different in that regard but I would still be wary of dating/marrying someone so young and taking those same opportunities to really live and grow away from them. Some people are more mature than others of course but I really don't think most 19 year olds have lived enough to know who they really are and what they want. 

Just my 2 cents...


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

I advocate not getting married at all. Once you have been married and then had it yanked out from underneath you.........you don't feel the need to try it again.


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## Ms. GP (Jul 8, 2013)

oldshirt said:


> My concern with 10 year age gaps is why is a 29 year old man hussling and marrying a 19 year teenager?
> 
> The girl often thinks it's because she is cuter and firmer and sexier than women his age.
> 
> ...


This was my experience with my first husband. He was very insecure and unsupportive of my educational goals. He was 20 and I was 14 when we met. 

I married my second husband at 22 which is still extremely young, but he is/was very supportive of my educational and career goals. So maybe not the age of marriage is the issue, but is your husband supportive of your goals for the future? Has he isolated you from your support network?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Sounds like you wanted to be married, which is a positive.
Sounds like he wanted to be married, which is also a positive.

The negative will likely occur when you're many years older, if that happens, and you find yourself spending the last 10 or 20 years of your life as a caretaker for an elderly gentleman. There may never be a problem. Too many other things to worry about.

I'd stop worrying-- you've already married. Worry about making it the best marriage and the best life you both possibly can. Plan for the future when he's older and less able to care for himself. Save some money.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> My concern with 10 year age gaps is why is a 29 year old man hussling and marrying a 19 year teenager?
> 
> The girl often thinks it's because she is cuter and firmer and sexier than women his age.
> 
> ...


Wow. What a sinister interpretation of all men's motives.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

tech-novelist said:


> Wow. What a sinister interpretation of all men's motives.


I never said anything about "all men."

But any time I see a full grown man marrying a teenager or early 20something, these are my concerns.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> I never said anything about "all men."
> 
> But any time I see a full grown man marrying a teenager or early 20something, these are my concerns.


So a "teenager" (19-year-old woman) isn't a full-grown woman? Isn't that sexist?


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

Curious as to how much you changed and in what regard. I haven't changed much in terms of values, goals, ambitions. But then again, I already had both my kids and a good career at that point. I am more frugal now, but IMO that's more a product of being hurt in the Great Recession.

Anyhow, I was surprised to hear of a big post-30 change, so I thought I'd ask.



lifeistooshort said:


> Now that I'm 44 and he's 63 it's an issue because I've changed a lot, while he's the same. It's to be expected though because at his age you pretty much are who you are.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

I got married young and it didn't turn out well. My ex married young to gain stability in her life and didn't really intend to work at meeting my needs. I was naive and did not imagine that someone would fake attraction and desire in order to get someone to commit.

I wish I had waited until I finished college to get engaged/married. I would have had more freedom to invest in myself, and would have dated more / had more relationship perspectives.


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## DTO (Dec 18, 2011)

In terms of age gap, I think that life stage, life goals, priorities matter as much as age. I look at my dating history, and I am very compatible with my current GF despite our large (15 yr) gap. This is because we both have kids, past marriages that informed our relationship expextations, similar career aspirations, family values, money outlooks, etc.

OTOH, the lady I dated prior to the GF was my age but had only a short marriage and no kids. She had little concept of the demands of parenthood or how to meet a partner's need that might not be your own. Or, a lady my age I know had a child who was nearly grown / independent and simply was over accomodating children.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

september_sky said:


> I’m just curious to get your thoughts on this. Has anyone here gotten married young? If so, how did it turn out? Is there an age difference between you and your spouse? Do you think having an age difference makes things more difficult? What are the pros/cons?
> 
> I got married at 19 and my husband was 29. He had been married once before (no children) so he was more experienced than me. She was the first person he had ever had a serious relationship with. I, however, had never been in a serious relationship at all. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go on dates or have boyfriends, but I just had very protective parents and was sheltered a lot. I never expected to marry the first person that I got into a relationship with, but when I met my husband, I just wasn’t interested in anyone else and I couldn’t see myself with anyone else. We have had some conflicts, like most couples, but for the most part, we get along really well. We have been married for 8 years and have 3 kids together.
> 
> ...


My W was 21. I was 27. We have been married 24 years. We have 2 daughters in their 20's. Our age difference has never been an issue at all. I did not have a lot of experiences prior to meeting my W, but more than my W. My W dated seriously 1 guy before I met her. None of this played any part in needing to "get it out of your system" or " sowing wild oats" later on in our marriage. We did the wild oats together and still carry on like crazy lovers. I can not say there are any pros or cons for the age difference with exception of me being established with a home and career when I met my W. 

The only thing I could think of as we(me)grow older is perhaps sex drive differences(I'm 53 and still answering the call. IE..no blue pill).


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> The real reason is often much darker and more nefarious.
> 
> The main reason adult men marry much younger teens and early 20somethings is because they are easier to control and manipulate. And the fact that women their own age are on to them and won't give them the time of day.
> 
> ...


Sorry, this is a load of crap. Care to provide any statistics?


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> I never said anything about "all men."
> 
> But any time I see a full grown man marrying a teenager or early 20something, these are my concerns.


Unfounded and unsubstantiated claims that men knock up dopey teenagers who know no better. Interesting.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

I think if you marry young, you can form a much deeper bond with your partner than if you marry later. When you're young, love is such a huge, amazing feeling. Think of what puppy love feels like. You still feel love when you're older, but it's not quite the overwhelming experience. It will be easier to create that emotional, soulmate link to your partner the younger you marry.

However, the big disadvantage to getting married early is that people change as they get older. The younger they are, the more they change. They often retain many of their core values, but the person they were at 20 is not the person they are at 40. The adrenalin-junkie lead singer may become an 9-5 IT support specialist. If the spouses aren't willing to compromise and grow together, they can create deep fractures in their relationship. The unbreakable bonds of young love eventually weaken, and the stress of normal day-to-day life takes its toll. 

I think the success of young marriage greatly depends on how much each spouse feels a duty to make their spouse happy and how willing they are to sacrifice to make that happen.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

tech-novelist said:


> So a "teenager" (19-year-old woman) isn't a full-grown woman? Isn't that sexist?


Physically, legally, yes (she is a full grown woman)

Educationally, financially, no way

Maturity wise, highly unlikely


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

IMO marriage, along with alcohol, marijuana, gun ownership, and voting, should be strictly forbidden prior to age 25.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

GusPolinski said:


> IMO marriage, along with alcohol, marijuana, gun ownership, and voting, should be strictly forbidden prior to age 25.


I tell my kids that when they have their educations, are making a living full time in their careers and have their own place - they can do whatever they want (they will have to answer to the police, court and prison system if they screw up legally) . 

That includes marriage, kids, buying pets, guns, motorcycles, cars, etc etc. 

I don't know if that necessarily needs an arbitrary age assigned to it but for many people that criteria often does tend to correspond to mid 20s.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Yeswecan said:


> Unfounded and unsubstantiated claims that men knock up dopey teenagers who know no better. Interesting.


Just calling it the way I have seen it. 

And since I am not sending anyone to jail or fining anyone for doing it, I don't have to substantiate it. 

The OP asked for thoughts on marrying young and marrying with an age gap I shared mine.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

oldshirt said:


> I tell my kids that when they have their educations, are making a living full time in their careers and have their own place - they can do whatever they want (they will have to answer to the police, court and prison system if they screw up legally) .
> 
> That includes marriage, kids, buying pets, guns, motorcycles, cars, etc etc.
> 
> I don't know if that necessarily needs an arbitrary age assigned to it but for many people that criteria often does tend to correspond to mid 20s.


That’s because the human brain isn’t fully developed prior to about 25 or so.

Insurers and car rental agencies have known this for some time.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

Betrayedone said:


> I advocate not getting married at all. *Once you have been married and then had it yanked out from underneath you.........you don't feel the need to try it again.*


*More especially after having been married twice, and unceremoniously cheated on in as many times!

Trust is turned to dust and is rather hard to ever reassemble!*


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> IMO marriage, along with alcohol, marijuana, gun ownership, and voting, should be strictly forbidden prior to age 25.


What about enlisting in the military, or working in law enforcement?


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

wilson said:


> I think if you marry young, you can form a much deeper bond with your partner than if you marry later. When you're young, love is such a huge, amazing feeling. Think of what puppy love feels like. You still feel love when you're older, but it's not quite the overwhelming experience. It will be easier to create that emotional, soulmate link to your partner the younger you marry.


Not my experience, but people do differ.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

wilson said:


> I think if you marry young, you can form a much deeper bond with your partner than if you marry later. When you're young, love is such a huge, amazing feeling. Think of what puppy love feels like. You still feel love when you're older, but it's not quite the overwhelming experience. It will be easier to create that emotional, soulmate link to your partner the younger you marry.
> 
> However, the big disadvantage to getting married early is that people change as they get older. The younger they are, the more they change. They often retain many of their core values, but the person they were at 20 is not the person they are at 40. The adrenalin-junkie lead singer may become an 9-5 IT support specialist. If the spouses aren't willing to compromise and grow together, they can create deep fractures in their relationship. The unbreakable bonds of young love eventually weaken, and the stress of normal day-to-day life takes its toll.
> 
> I think the success of young marriage greatly depends on how much each spouse feels a duty to make their spouse happy and how willing they are to sacrifice to make that happen.


The first 2 paragraphs above seem to contradict each other. Based on my own experiences of getting M'd as a teen, I relate much more to the 2nd paragraph. Quite frankly, with the benefit of hindsight, marrying that young was the single worst mistake of my life. Yes, there was an unplanned pregnancy involved, which she kept concealed until it was too late to get an abortion, but I should have never M'd her and just supported my D, both emotionally and financially to the best of my ability.

It took me until my mid 30's to get my head and ass properly wired together. It just does something to you when you have that much responsibility dumped on you, when you don't have near the maturity level to handle it.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

MyRevelation said:


> The first 2 paragraphs above seem to contradict each other.


What I mean is that the emotional bond you create with your partner at a young age will be stronger and more irrational. It's that crush kind of love that doesn't make sense. You just loooooooove the other person so much you want to be with them all the time. That sort of emotional bond isn't created as strongly later in life. In your 30's you still love the person, but it's more practical. 

A similar example is how you are with your friends. In HS, your friends are your whole life. In your 30's, your friends are people you enjoy hanging out with occasionally. In most cases, the kind of best-friend relationships you create in HS and college will not be as common as you make friends later on.

The thing about people changing can be seen with your HS and college best-friends. Some friends you no longer have anything in common with and never see again. Others you still talk with regularly and go on vacations together. If you get married young, the chance you're taking is you don't know which kind of spouse you'll end up with. Will you grow apart and have nothing in common? Or will you still be best-friends and do everything together? That's the unknown.


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## MyRevelation (Apr 12, 2016)

wilson said:


> If you get married young, the chance you're taking is you don't know which kind of spouse you'll end up with. Will you grow apart and have nothing in common? *Or will you still be best-friends and do everything together?* That's the unknown.


^^^THIS^^^ seems to be a better argument for NOT marrying young. You are advocating signing up for an UNKNOWN. You don't know who you or your partner will be when you reach maturity, if you ever do ... some don't.

... and FTR, I don't know a single IRL couple that M'd young that anyone would describe as the bolded part above. I still live in the same small town I grew up in, so I've known a lot of couples that M'd right out of HS and have been able to watch them mature as a couple ... MOST have been D'd for years, of the one's still M'd, most of those have just found a way to co-exist with each other in a somewhat comfortable/familiar manner.


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## wilson (Nov 5, 2012)

MyRevelation said:


> ^^^THIS^^^ seems to be a better argument for NOT marrying young. You are advocating signing up for an UNKNOWN. You don't know who you or your partner will be when you reach maturity, if you ever do ... some don't.


I agree with that. Chances are small that people who get married young will still be best friends decades later. But good luck trying to convey that advice to a 20-year-old! 

I don't necessarily think it's a mistake to get married young, unless there are obvious warning signs. But the mistake most young marriages make is trying to stick it out well past the point that they should give it up. So if you get married young, have your eyes open and realize if it's not working out.


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

wilson said:


> What I mean is that the emotional bond you create with your partner at a young age will be stronger and more irrational. It's that crush kind of love that doesn't make sense. You just loooooooove the other person so much you want to be with them all the time. That sort of emotional bond isn't created as strongly later in life. In your 30's you still love the person, but it's more practical.


 I would say I had ridiculous expectations about falling in love when I was young that no one was ever going to live up to. Not finding that out the hard way wasn't a lost opportunity in my opinion. I did fall in love at a much later age and am in no way disappointed. 

That is me, YMMV.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> What about enlisting in the military, or working in law enforcement?


Active military - 21, and only after passing psych screens. I could see 18 for reserves and in time of war, though.

Police - 25, ditto re: psych screens.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Marriage is for suckers........


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## SpinyNorman (Jan 24, 2018)

GusPolinski said:


> Active military - 21, and only after passing psych screens. I could see 18 for reserves and in time of war, though.
> 
> Police - 25, ditto re: psych screens.


Thanks for replying. You make more sense than the people who call 18 y.o.'s "kids" except when giving them the most horrible of responsibilities.

I don't have a strong opinion about which age is old enough, more of "why is that old enough to do x but not y" kind of thing.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

SpinyNorman said:


> Thanks for replying. You make more sense than the people who call 18 y.o.'s "kids" except when giving them the most horrible of responsibilities.
> 
> I don't have a strong opinion about which age is old enough, more of "why is that old enough to do x but not y" kind of thing.


Not to sound like an old Grumpalufa_gus_, but your average 18-year-old these days doesn’t seem to be much more mature than your average 6-year-old.

Much of it boils down to horrible parenting, though.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Kids of 40 years ago had a great amount of basic knowledge and common sense. Kids now days generally don't know their ass from a hole in the ground. Young adults today often have no knowledge of politics, history, religion or many of the other basic tenants of education......In short, they are idiots and the world is doomed. Other countries are far advanced in education of their youth. God save us........


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## september_sky (May 17, 2018)

Yeswecan said:


> oldshirt said:
> 
> 
> > I never said anything about "all men."
> ...


I actually know someone who is in his 30s and his is constantly dating and moving in 18-19 year old girls with him. Based on his behavior, I would say that yes. Someone like him dates these young girls because he likes to control them and he does tend to isolate whoever he is with. So I get why you would think this, because I’ve seen it before too. 

However, it’s not the case with my husband and I. To be clear, we didn’t start having kids until several years after getting married. I was 24 when our first baby was born. And then just a few months ago, I gave birth to twin boys. If it was up to me, we would have started trying for kids as soon as we got married, but he wanted to wait. I started the process of finishing my college education about a year ago but then I found out I was pregnant with the twins, so I decided to take a break so that I could stay at home with them until they get a little older. My husband was actually the one who was constantly encouraging me to go back to school. I have self esteem issues, and I put school off for a while because I had a fear of being a failure (thought I wasn’t smart enough, wasn’t motivated enough, etc) but he has always told me how smart I am and how capable I am. And he definitely doesn’t isolate me from my family. I actually moved a few hundred miles away from my family when we first got married so that I could be with him, but after only being married for about a year, it was his idea to move back to my hometown so that I could be closer to my parents. So, for the last several years, I’ve lived within 5-10 minutes of my parent’s house, and I see them several times a week. My mom helps babysit all the time. 

I don’t think my husband intentionally sought out someone who was 10 years younger than him. He was married once before me and she was the same age as him. I think that my husband was pretty inexperienced and had a lot of growing up to do himself when we first met. Even though he had been married before, they had no kids and she was the first serious relationship he had ever been in. He had never slept with anyone other than her either. So even though he was 10 years older, it really didn’t feel like it. The main difference between us was that since he was older, he already had a career established and was financially stable.


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

september_sky said:


> The main difference between us was that since he was older, he already had a career established and was financially stable.


Basically my situation when I met my W. She was 19. Married me when she was 21. I was 27 at the time. Three months after marriage conceived our first daughter. Three years later or second. Married now 24 years and it keeps getting better. 

Our daughters are in their 20's and very independent. For us....we are still young and basically started dating like we did 25 years ago. Sex all the time. Weekends away with no worries of small children. 

Anyway, there certainly are men who look to control younger women. One only hopes in the dating process the woman sees for the forest for the trees and does not continue a controlling relationship.


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

My generation tended to marry very young and so did I. From my high school and college friends/acquaintances who also married very young, only two, out of a very large group, are still married to their original spouse. The current generation marrying young? Definitely not a good idea and I don't even know anyone in the last 15 years who has married before their late 20's. As to age difference, I couldn't say. I never dated anyone more than a couple of years older and my husband was the same age I am. Some people make it work and some don't so, like everything else, it just depends.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

My 2 best friends at the time married at age 19. Ones husband was 23 and one 29. Both still very happily married 43 years later. It wasn't that unusual to marry that young then(the 70's) and have children young also. Now it seems to have gone the other way.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Former radio talk show host Dr Laura Schlesinger used to talk about this kind of thing on her talk back when it was on.

She said some pretty interesting things in regards to the cultural and societal differences in people marrying young in years gone by versus today. 

Her thesis was often that while prior generations did marry young and did seemingly have long lasting marriages, the entire playing field was different back then than it is today. 


In days of yore, the entire culture was geared towards young marriage and young childbearing. Families and communities were more supportive of young marriage and it was a societal expectation of marrying you and families and churches and community organizations were supportive of it. 


Things were different economically as well. In many instances a young man could make just as good of a living as a middle aged one and in some instances even more so since he would work longer hours and produce more product. 

In an increasingly technological and service-oriented economy that requires more education, training and experience, many people are well into their 20s if not even 30s before making a living wage. 

Today's society is much less supportive of young marriage today and many young people are being actively and intentionally dissuaded and discouraged from marrying young and family and community support is much less. 

So the fact that your grandparents married at 19 and were married for 65 years before one died, is not directly comparable to and is not on the same playing field culturally or economically as young people today. 


20 year old are living in a world with the same conditions and environments today as their grandparents many decades ago.


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