# went on deployment wife has changed



## Brandon Sees

My name is Brandon ive been married for three years going on four. I am in the Military and so is my wife that is how we met. Our first year married was quite rough lots of disagreements and arguments because neither of us had ever lived with somebody in our lives so it was all new to both of us. Moving on to our second year things started to smooth out still had small arguments and occasionally a big fight. Our third year. This year was perfect no fights no arguments things were going smoothly. she had started asking to have a child and felt very strongly about it but I was not so sure. Being so young 23/21 I wasn't sure if we were ready. I went on a deployment it was three months longs. first half she told me how grateful she was that our marriage was becoming such a success and how much she loved me. While the first half I was there I realized that I was ready to have a child with her. I wanted her to be the mother of my kids so I told her and she was beyond excited. Also that first half I realized that I wasn't always the best husband, not even close to being the best husband. I never did things wither her. due to working with her and living with her 24/7 once we got home I just wanted to relax and didn't want much to do with her but I still loved her dearly. so while deployed I knew I had to make changed and sacrifices to go out and do things she loved to do, travel, drink, adventurous things. before I had the chance to tell her any of things she told me she no longer wanted a child, that she had made new friends from work and that she thought a child would hold her back from living a "fun" live style. Now her new friends three of them three of which we work fairly close with but neither of us were super good friends with more so acutance's. *friend 1* i talked to more so than the other he is married and a good guy we had a connection with cars so we talked cars a lot. *friend 2* was another female at work. was recently married but her marriage was very rock her and my wife were more so work friends only talked at work but almost every weekend friend 2 would text her saying she was going to move in with us because she was going to leave her husband. *friend 3* had almost zero interaction with the guy. I know that he has been divorced twice and lives on his own. While deployed my wife told me that she had been working out with friend 1 which i was totally okay with i saw zero ill intentions. she also told me that she had been hanging out with the three above friends after working drinking hangout etc. But then the first red flag appeared. She told me that friend 1 offered to let her drive his car. which isn't a typical car you just let anybody drive. let alone another female that isn't your wife. at this point i asked her to cut the ties with that friend because i felt there was now some ill intentions. She proceeded to tell me that there was nothing wrong so i said okay. at this point of the deployment she wants nothing to do with me wont return my texts when i can send them doesn't laugh on the phone nothing. and then tells me she has her doubts about our marriage and it killed me on the inside because to me if she had her doubts she was long gone. there was no more hope in my mind. I felt that she had already checked out and moved on. so instead of trying to drag her through hell and make her suffer i just let myself suffer and told her to pretty much move on and do whatever. but she continues to say she has doubt. I am now home from deployment 24hs of being home she left that night to hangout wither her "group". The second day friend 2 asked her if she would help her look at a new car and that it would be an all day thing. I told her i would appreciate it if she didn't go. She also told me she didn't want to go but she needed help. So she went anyways. On the third day she moved in with friend 2. due to her being unhappy and unsure of what was going on in the marriage. at this point im really suffering on the inside ive been on a deployment for three months come home to a wife who wants nothing to do with me and would rather be wither her friends than with me so im not thinking clearly at all. So i tell her once again to move on and leave me behind because i though it would make her happier so she wouldn't have to suffer. But after about a month i could take it any more i needed her in my life so i told her. and through lots of arguments and talking i had found out that sometimes she had been staying at all three friends house one being that guy that was single. so im trying to deal with all of that in my head at the same time trying to win her back. But she says she was no fight left in her. That she resents me for not doing things with her. She doesn't want to give up her friends. But at the same time she wont give me a answer on weather or not i should keep fighting for us or just give up. I am terribly sorry if this is all over the place but this was a condense as i could make it. I just don't know what to do at this point. im so torn between fighting for her or just trying to move on with my life.


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## Diana7

Well not so long ago that was the sort of age people did have children. I had my first child age 21 as did my 2 best friends at the time. It was normal. Hardly anyone had children in their 30's then. 
Its only in the last 20 or 30 years that people generally have left it so much longer. 
After all you have been married for nearly 4 years now and physically yours is a very good age to have children.
.


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## sunsetmist

Welcome--sorta--- What has changed? How long was deployment? Have you discussed this?

ETA: Thanks for update.


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## Brandon Sees

updated it, sorry accidently hit enter and it submitted the post before i was done


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## sunsetmist

Only you know whether to fight for her. Insist on truth of her investment in marriage. Is she too young to settle down, even if married? 

Do you want to be always worrying while one or the other is deployed? Morals, character, trust are clues to your answer.


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## Rubix Cubed

Brandon,
First, Thank you for your service. This is a helluva a sacrifice for you.
You need to be well aware that it will take both of you wanting to reconcile to even have a chance at it, and she doesn't sound like she wants to and playing the "pick me" game never works. Do not try to compete with these other men for your wife. DO NOT be Plan B. You also need the entire truth to what went on while you were gone if there is any chance of R. IIWY I would talk to a lawyer, have divorce papers drawn up and have her served. If she comes to he senses then you could always stop the process, but it is going to take decisive action from you. 
Hang in there.


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## Lostinthought61

brandon...i would file for divorce...this will do one of two things either wake her up and save the marriage on your terms or you will get your answer


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## jlg07

Brandon, I think you know what she was up to with these "friends". EA at the very least. I would get with a lawyer to find out about what kind of plan you need (NOT that you have to D but you need to plan ahead). Her "friends" are obviously a VERy bad influence on your marriage. If you have the funds, and PI should be able to see what she is up to very quickly, and then you can make your decision.
DO NOT be plan B and let her waffle back and forth.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson

Brandon,

First, thank you for your service. 

As you already know this is a story as old as time. Wife wants a military husband, to give her a check while he deploys. 

(I kind of want straight to the point here)

Some few wives aren't this way but few, rare. Those are angels.

Sadly your bride has shown by her actions that she'll cheat and party as soon as you're deployed. 

That will mess you up mentally and physically for sure, it's normal.

Save yourself. 

Call it early what it is, a match that in hindsight you wouldn't do again.

File for divorce now. No matter what, it really sounds best to call it quits. 

There are other great and loving women in your future, and a future wife that will be the loving and caring person you deserve. 

Just don't kill your future now.

Good luck


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## jorgegene

she just doesn't sound like wife material.

it sounds like she didn't really think through what marriage is really about and the commitment it takes.

she's a party girl and unless she totally recommits herself to marriage and grows up, it just won't work.

i'm sorry buddy. i know that must hurt pretty bad. a lot of us have been through that.

regardless of what happens from here, i wish you the best.


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## Suspect

A woman who's husband was deployed was looking at a house he was remodeling. When she wast telling of her marital status and that she was only married when he was in the US the rest of the time she was a sinlge woman and mother. She indicated that this was the norm for most of the women she knew who's husbands were in the military.


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