# who's happier in the long run?



## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I am wondering, when your spouse cheats and you separate or divorce, long term, who ends up happier? The people I know personally it ends up being the BS once they got strong enough to leave. Once they left, the WS is begging them to come back, asking for another chance,etc but all while refusing to give up their affair partner (you know in case it doesn't work). My H has cheated on me with a just turned 22 yr old that is everything he hates. I don't believe they've broken it off and I am ready to move on. I'm curious though what the chances are that he's going to realize how dead that grass is with her and that the lush, green stuff was on this side of the fence the whole time.
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## wiigirl (Jun 14, 2012)

Personally I think it is extremely rare for the cheater to be happier (in the long run). Plus my shrink says all the things that cause people to think the 'grass is greener' work both ways, but with regret. So he will probably have some sort of regret or 'what if' scenario for the rest of his life.

But I am a huge believer in Karma too!


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## AngryandUsed (Jun 23, 2011)

When AP is much younger in age, the A will no doubt end in failure.


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## highwood (Jan 12, 2012)

Statistically, only a 3% chance of the relationship working out between your WS and his AP.


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## sayjellybeans (Jun 25, 2012)

Are we talking exclusively about WSs who do not go NC, are not remorseful, and who don't do everything in their power to improve?


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## anonymouskitty (Jun 5, 2012)

Happiness is a state of mind and entirely in your hands


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## Zanna (May 10, 2012)

I have read that the issues that cause someone to believe cheating is a good way to solve problems or is justified, often cause problems in future relationships because selfish and entitled people do not do well in marriage and as well, affairs rarely work out in the long run. And of course an AP by their very definition and behaviour is not exactly good marriage material. These people are incredibly dysfunctional and selfish. The ones that return to the marriage are the ones that realize that the grass is greener where you water it...

From what I've witnessed in my own life, the betrayed spouse is usually a more stable and a more committed person and in the long run, I have always seen them fair far better in future relationships than the cheater.


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## PBear (Nov 16, 2010)

My experience... I'm the one that cheated. My STBXW doesn't know I cheated. I stopped my relationships with my affair partners prior to initiating my separation, so they had no bearing on wanting to leave my marriage for one of them (there were two).

I suspect I'm currently "happier" than my wife. I was very unhappy in my marriage prior to cheating, and I must say that right now, I'm in the most satisfied/content place I've been in for years. This is after 18 months of separation. I have been seeing someone for most of that period, but even if that ended for whatever reason, my wife and I were simply incompatible in some very key ways.

Just my $0.02 worth...

C
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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

The ones that are happiest are the ones (BS or WS or whomever) who can move on from the past and work on themselves and strive for a better future.


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## ImperfectMomma (May 2, 2012)

I'm not talking exclusively about any type but in my case my WS is not doing a NC or MC or basically trying at all except to help with my dying mother. As far as big age difference, yes, there is almost 16 years between them. Seriously, you were driving a car when she was born!!!!
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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

If the cheater isn't remorseful or has any empathy for their BS, then logically they'll be "happier" regardless of the outcome. The BS has to deal with the hurt for as long as it lingers within them.


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