# Staying fit for your spouse



## Plan 9 from OS

I've recently got back onto the wagon of getting fit again. I've been exercising regularly and have improved my diet overall. These things are not difficult to do, and we know that there are many benefits to keeping yourself fit for your spouse. I admit that I failed in that task. I'm not an obese pile of fatty flesh, but I'm no Adonis either. Even though I'm a little late coming to the party, I consider this one of the important things we can do for our spouses. We know the reasons why, but I'll list them anyways because I love to make lists...


To maintain/enhance your desirability to your spouse. Let's be honest here, maintaining a level of attactiveness helps keep the marriage interesting.
Better sex. You can thrust harder, faster, vary your techniques and do the position changes without uncoupling a whole lot easier. Less flab allows for more variety, but the stronger muscles and stamina allow for better performances.
You don't want to be stuck in a wheelchair or using a cane when you're in your 60s. I realize that some people cannot help it no matter how good they were in life, but a lot of this is also preventable.
It's hard to travel during your golden years when you have to dedicate a few suitcases to store your drugs, breathing mask, oxygen tanks, etc...
It would be nice to see your grandchildren grow up and even see them have kids - if you're lucky.

There are plenty of others I could add too. Hey, I shouldn't try to make all the points here. I don't want to make a monologue...

One of the things that I have recently "defeated" was gout. I didn't realize how pervasive that stupid disease could be. I always thought that if you didn't have an actual attack, that you were OK otherwise. The problem is that even if you have no actual attacks, gout can still affect your joints. I had no idea that my movements were being hindered by gout. My wife told me that I walked like an old man at times. I bit the bullet and went on a maintenance drug. Couple that with my better diet and exercise and I feel 100 times better already - with a long way yet to go. It's amazing what you allow yourself to become when you allow yourself to accept conditions without a fight. I accepted all of the stiffness and achy joints. No more for me.

So believe it or not, fighting gout IMHO is one of those battles that helps to improve/sustain long term success in marriage. 

OK guys. Enlighten us with your experiences, stories and views on being fit for your spouse. Even someone as awesome as me...:rofl:...could use some guidance too.


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## Coffee Amore

You're singlehandedly bringing this Long Term Success in Marriage subforum to life. 

I've noticed this can be a touchy subject for some on TAM. As for me, I like to exercise, but finding the time is difficult though I carve out time when I can. Most weeks we (husband and I) work out about 3-4 days for 1 hour at a time right after work. On the weekends, we take the family to a swimming pool in the neighborhood or at a friend's house or we walk together in the evening as a family. We exercise both for health related reasons (to head off chronic illnesses) as well as aesthetic reasons. I no longer have the metabolism I had in my 20s. Back then I did work out, but didn't need to. My 20-something metabolism did its job. *sigh* These days I have to exercise plus watch what I eat so I don't go up in weight. My husband is one of those lucky people with a fast metabolism. He actually has to consciously make an effort to put on weight if that's his goal. What a problem to have. 

My weight has fluctuated 15 pounds or so in the marriage, but my husband hasn't ever said anything negative. I think he prefers me with a bit of meat on the bones so to speak. I'm not tall as a model and I'm never going to be model thin, but I can be fit with the body type I have. It's self-defeating to think that we're destined to look a certain way because we're married and getting older. There are certain things you can't control as you age, for example, going bald or going gray. But maintaining your weight is something we can control. I know people who look better in their late 30s and 40s than they did in their 20s. My husband looks better now in his early 40s than he did as a 20 year old. I've known him at both ages so I can make that comparison.

My husband likes to lift weights. He's also into Krav Maga and other martial arts. I'm more of a solo exerciser unless I'm with him. I prefer to jog or walk fast if I'm alone. I also like the cardio machines at the gym. I've started lifting heavy weights at the gym when I'm with my husband. I'm really liking the difference in my body. The gym we go to has a lot of fit people so I'm inspired by them and what they do. I'm comfortable with myself at this age, but I like to compare myself to get a general sense of where I fall in terms of fitness.

I'm also inspired by my parents. They're both slim and they both exercise daily. My mother takes all kinds of fitness classes, some I wouldn't even think of taking. My mother recently told me her doctor said she had the body of a woman 20 years younger. I had to tell her "Mom!! I'm sure he meant internally you have the body of a younger woman.":rofl:


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## Plan 9 from OS

CA, Thanks for the kind words. Not to long ago I was the recipient of a week long banning. I have also seen a few posts by one or two people who were getting frustrated with TAM because of the negativity. When I came back from the banning, I needed to find a better way to get my disgust with the crap we see here under control here to. IMHO, there's no better way than to change the tone of the conversations. It means a lot to me that you think I'm making a difference in this part of the forum. Hopefully we get more to swing by soon.

It's true that it can be a touchy subject between spouses. Fortunately my wife and I can talk candidly about weight albeit my wife has a harder time doing it than I do. In our situation, I don't think either of us have to worry about having to have the ideal measurements. Objectively, it will be a lot easier for me to have the "ideal" look than my wife. I'm naturally blessed with a good amount of muscle to work with plus I have the natural broad shoulder build to make that elusive "V" shape. I used to have a natural V when I was younger without lifting weights. My wife is about 5'6" tall and weighs about 140 lbs. For a soon to be 40 year old, I think she has nice measurements. She's not model thin, but I think she looks great after 3 kids. My wife has been exercising longer than I have - for about a year now. She has recently hit a wall and wasn't seeing any improvements until I talked to her about toning and strength exercises. She's not into lifting weights, but she got some videos that focus more on toning and muscle work. She's now back to making more progress. Her biggest issue to her is her stomach. Since she started toning, she has been seeing an improvement.

A good lesson for all of us who are looking to reshape our health for the better. Diet and exercise is the key; however, we need to remember that exercise should be a combination of cardio and strength workouts. Cardio is nice for the health, but the muscle gains help keep your metabolism up and for men it helps maintain better T levels.

But glad to see you and your family are doing so well with your exercise.


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## Faithful Wife

I'm happy for you and your wife and your health, Plan 9! 

My H and I love being fit, are both ex-athletes. We don't have a regular work out program but we just stay active and we both have our various activities we love.

One thing we love doing together but we don't do it often enough, is playing raquetball. So fun! So expensive too, though.


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## Plan 9 from OS

Part of the issue is that people become too complacent in their lives. We've seen plenty of examples of how complacency kills marriages. Neglect, poor health (in most cases), a lack of quality time together and taking your spouse for granted are all things that are easy to detect as problems, but are so much harder to solve with tangible action. I don't expect a lot of the threads in this forum to go too far because people will tend to agree and then tune out. Staying fit and watching your health is one of those things that is hard to work on but we know fairly quickly when a problem arises.

I challenge those of you who are reading this thread to post a comment. Tell me I'm right, tell me I'm full of it or simply tell me to get off of my high horse. It doesn't matter to me, just throw out your opinion. Or better yet, share your own insights in this thread.


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## Lyris

My husband is definitely more attracted to me at the thinner end of my range. I've never been overweight, but last year, my pants were getting tight and when I weighed myself I was shocked to see the highest number I ever had. 64 kg/ 142 pounds at 5'7" inches doesn't sound too bad, but it was edging me out of my pants.

I got back into running and started tracking calories. I lost about 15 pounds over four or five months. I fit back into my pants, then they got too loose and now I'm a size smaller.

My husband never said a word about my weight, and in fact, took a while to mention the noticeable weight I'd lost in case I felt he was saying I looked bad before. But his behaviour changed - our already good sex life definitely kicked back up several gears.

He has always paid attention to staying fit although he doesn't have the time to spend on it that he used to. But takes looking good for me seriously, and always has.

I am committed to remaining fit and athletic for as long as I can.


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## meson

I saw this thread right before lunch which is when I exercise, walk or run. I was going to call it a rest day today but it motivated me to go out which is a good thing. But I think that it shouldn't be done for the spouse but rather for yourself. Your spouse can certainly enjoy the benefits but if you are not doing it for yourself then you may end up quitting sooner or building resentment that your efforts are going unnoticed depending upon the feedback you get. 

I am definitely enjoying my wife's efforts to get back in shape. We went on a backpack trip last fall and will be doing some this summer.


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## Plan 9 from OS

meson said:


> I saw this thread right before lunch which is when I exercise, walk or run. I was going to call it a rest day today but it motivated me to go out which is a good thing. But I think that it shouldn't be done for the spouse but rather for yourself. Your spouse can certainly enjoy the benefits but if you are not doing it for yourself then you may end up quitting sooner or building resentment that your efforts are going unnoticed depending upon the feedback you get.
> 
> I am definitely enjoying my wife's efforts to get back in shape. We went on a backpack trip last fall and will be doing some this summer.


TBH, I think it's best if done equally for both. You should be motivated to do it for your health and your looks. Aside from you, who benefits the most by doing this? Your spouse.


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## yellowstar

I was overweight before babies and after I have this one (soon!) I plan on recommitting myself to lose weight. I was working on it a bit between kids but want to refocus my energies on that after this kid. My husband dated/married me when I was overweight but not this overweight. He has always been good to me and never made me feel badly about myself but I want to do it mostly for me and I want him to enjoy my 'better' self too. I know it will be hard but worth it.


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## Ikaika

Staying fit can be very powerful in terms of a successful marriage. Aside from the aesthetics of looking more attractive to your spouse, there is simply the change in one's own psychology when they remain active. I don't want to get into all the brain chemistry and increase blood flow to the brain, but there is some science based evidence that demonstrates positive personal attitudes as a result of maintaing a fitness lifestyle. Being positive about yourself goes a long way in maintaining a positive attitude toward your spouse and marriage. 

Included is the aspect of seeing to it that you do all you can decrease your statistical chances of cancer, heart disease or a stroke. Not that these can be totally prevented but decreasing your chances can be a selfless act. I have experience both first hand and through close friends just how taxing it can be to care for a loved one in a non-ambulatory state.


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## SimplyAmorous

I hate exercising... I really wish I didn't...... I like riding bikes and having sex.. taking hikes in the woods.... things like that... running around at an amusement park, Heck I think I would rather dig a ditch than go to an exercise class... sounds awful I know...

We've never had problems with our weight... but our cholesterol #'s are not where they should be...it's a genetic thing...when we did exercise...pretty much our sole reason.... it didn't seem to do anything so we got very discouraged... 

I hate getting older cause all this stuff matters...our bodies are going to slowly fall apart....I think for someone like me, staying active is far easier than getting on an exercise program. I do run up & down my steps every day about 50 times... so this is something I guess!


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## Ikaika

SimplyAmorous said:


> I hate exercising... I really wish I didn't...... I like riding bikes and having sex.. taking hikes in the woods.... things like that... running around at an amusement park, Heck I think I would rather dig a ditch than go to an exercise class... sounds awful I know...
> 
> We've never had problems with our weight... but our cholesterol #'s are not where they should be...it's a genetic thing...when we did exercise...pretty much our sole reason.... it didn't seem to do anything so we got very discouraged...
> 
> I hate getting older cause all this stuff matters...our bodies are going to slowly fall apart....I think for someone like me, staying active is far easier than getting on an exercise program. I do run up & down my steps every day about 50 times... so this is something I guess!


All the stuff you do adds up to exercise to me. Don't forget vigorous sex can add up as I tell my wife. I bought some ice cream for the boys tonight. I usually tell her we can have a small bowl and work it off later


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## Coffee Amore

I'm the opposite of you, SA and LFFA. I love to work out. It makes me feel very happy and stress free afterwards. We just came back from the gym which wasn't crowded at all. No surprise there since it's Friday night. It's food that's my nemesis. I don't like exercise classes though. I like to work out by myself or with my husband. Group classes aren't my thing.


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## the guy

Even though my old lady was cheating way before I was told I had gout, I do see how as time pas attacks related to my wife adultorus behavior to increase.

Even before the gout I can remember other things like broken legs, arms, noses,skull and even a gun shot wound that effected my "performance" and marriage.

Make no mistake here, I am not in no way competing with the OM, but keeping the OM's away.

But from what was brought to my attention I can see how my physical weakness can be unattractive when some 20 something kid can do my wife while standing up!

Even more interesting is the timeline of getting out of the field and ending up in the office not only had an impact with my time management but my gout attacks ..even lowering my attraction level.

Once I got in the office I had more gout attacks and my old lady screwed around more. I suspect that using a bar stool as a walker is not that attractive.

Now that I am back in the field I have less gout attacks. After my anger management deal I'm no longer fighting. Today my body is alot healthier then it was 3 years ago.

These days I am at a point were I can be more effective in holding my wife down then I was in the past.......we are wired different then most so holding and restraining Mrs. the-guy is a good thing for us.

At the end of the day no matter who its for or why, staying fit will always raise your attraction level...especially if your dumb like me and marry a trophy wife.LOL


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I love to exercise. I use to run 36 miles a week. I no longer am able to run due to a severe permanent neck injury. Without being able to run, it's extremely difficult to stay thin. I eat very few calories and I do bike, but my biking is slow and limited on the stationary bike. I never did this for my spouse, but rather for myself. I can't walk very far anymore and I use a wheelchair part time.. I do my best to stay as active as possible. I'm really into heathy cooking as well. I finally ordered a juicer and I'm impatiently waiting for its arrival. I'm going to juice fast a couple days a week and continue juicing everyday with vegetables. I like fruit too, but very small amounts.

My husband is an excellent athlete. He races in runs including marathons, triathlons, half ironmans, and ironmans. He is extremely fit.


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## Thundarr

With ease of life (setting as desk all day), abundance of food including processed sh!t called food, alcohol, caffeine, OTC drugs, etc. Plus 24/7 entertainment setting on the couch with a remote.

There's no secret to why so many feel like crap and have poor physical appearance. I know I feel so much better though when getting regular exercise. I do feel like I owe it to myself and my wife. I'd like to live longer than her because thinking of her being left alone breaks my heart.


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## SimplyAmorous

> I hate exercise too, SA. I do it to look and feel good but it bores the hell out of me. I even hate talking about it, no offense, plan.
> 
> It fascinates me that the workout thread in Social is still going strong. lol


Hey something else in common with the Lady  

When we did do it.... I searched all over the net for Erotic stuff to exercise to...as I knew I was going to be as Bored as hell... We recorded "Buns of Envy" videos, that kept him entertained a bit..... I found this one DVD on amazon where the man & the women was kinda exercising off of each other...bought that one... 

I found I enjoyed Dance Steps by Billy Banks more than any program we set our eyes on... but boy was we ever out of step! So we laughed a lot. 



drerio said:


> All the stuff you do adds up to exercise to me. *Don't forget vigorous sex can add up as I tell my wife. I bought some ice cream for the boys tonight. I usually tell her we can have a small bowl and work it off later *


You know it -- Benefits all laid out right here ~ now this I can get excited about >> 
9 Reasons To Have Sex That Are Better Than Burning Calories 
All for the Sexercise 

It's kinda like comparing playing a Kids Board game - with a SEX Game with my husband.....One I am utterly anxious to get over - I start yawning, want to throw myself on the ground (monopoly for instance)... saying "I can't take it anymore"... (Yes I have done this)...but a Sex game... Oh my... that's FUN!

Have a grandfather who is 96 yrs old, talks about his youth like it was yesterday.....his body still ticking ... another sister is 99... he never exercised ....but he worked hard in his garden all his life (outside of his Mill job)....always moving....after he retired he mowed Graveyards, and delivered Sunday papers... I remember helping him one morning when I was a kid and thought I was going to keel over... 

He thinks all meds from the Docs will kill you... I don't agree with this of course... but he was a naturalist... he even tapped the trees for Maple syrup...he swears by Brewers Yeast, always used Molasses...a few other things I forget now..... he drank all his milk Whole from the Farmers... he ate ice cream every night... Grandma fed him so much Pasta & Sauce ...it would be a sin for any diet plan. 

I just want to live as long as my husband...in reality, his relatives all seem to die around age 76 (Both Grandfathers, his Uncles around that time)... mine seem to live longer.....so not sure I want to be some exercise nut so I'm still hanging around while I'm heartbroken... Yes...I think too much!


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## FemBot

I gained quite a bit of weight with my pregnancies. I just gave birth 5 months ago and already have lost 50 pounds just by walking, Yoga DVDs and not eating junk food. 

The best part of losing weight and getting in shape for me is confidence in myself which translates to better sex and feeling sexy in clothes. I also love to shop for clothes and know I will look good in it.

Many women fight a daily battle with images of beauty and hopefully our husbands are not being brainwashed by the airbrushing and crazy diets some women have to go through to be in those magazines. I want to enjoy life and part of that is good food


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## heartsbeating

drerio said:


> Staying fit can be very powerful in terms of a successful marriage. Aside from the aesthetics of looking more attractive to your spouse, there is simply the change in one's own psychology when they remain active. I don't want to get into all the brain chemistry and increase blood flow to the brain, but there is some science based evidence that demonstrates positive personal attitudes as a result of maintaing a fitness lifestyle. Being positive about yourself goes a long way in maintaining a positive attitude toward your spouse and marriage.


I love what you wrote here drerio. What I notice is how these choices are a ripple-effect to other areas in life and even dictates who one gravitates towards. For me, it seems to be people who are encouraging, grounded and inclusive. They approach life from a positive/relaxed perspective and I feel that's related to the effect of exercise and healthy choices. 

While I want my husband to be attracted to me, I'll admit I primarily stay fit and be aware of my weight/shape for my own sense of self. Over the course of our relationship, I've gained about 15-20lbs, and up a size to US 6. My husband likes my thighs that I would consider thick and loves the curves I have. He desires what I used to consider my flaws. I love that he's lean. We acknowledge to each other we could be in fitter shape and while we are physically attracted to one another as we are now, it's a reality that we both find tone to be attractive - along with the habits that lead to that. 

While I stay fit for myself, I have to say that my husband helped me gain that shift in attitude about self. We met young. I was a smoker, had been smoking for a few years, was addicted to soda, had insomnia so didn't sleep properly, and didn't eat well either. Then along came him, drinking water (what a concept!), cooking and for the most part, avoiding alcohol when we were out. He grew up with situations that inspired him to take the opposite path for himself. He learned to cook because he had to, moved out of home at 16. I remember on our first date he fed me strawberries. The dude drinks water, cooks and eats fruit? Where was the cigarettes, bourbon, and fries? He gently encouraged me to stop smoking. A year into our relationship, I quit. I slowly started taking more interest in my health. 18 years on, my addiction is now green tea. I drink lots of water and choose sparkling water over soda. I haven't had insomnia in years and I sleep and eat well.

Recently I've started going to the gym for resistance training and fitness. I'll be 40 in 4 years and my goal is to be in my best shape / fitness level when I reach that milestone. I consider if I'm that age now and looking back, what would I want to have achieved between now and then. How does life look for us? While I recognize life has it's own plan, this thought keeps me focused in the day to day habits. 

My husband isn't a health nut but he does have moderation. If he feels he's gaining weight through the fit of his clothes, he'll be more aware of what he's eating and jog a bit more. Recently he started looking to what else he can incorporate to his diet, as well as considering strength exercises to help with his T-levels and stress...for himself as well as knowing I'd find this attractive too. His preference is to work-out through daily activities rather than the gym. He used to surf in the mornings and that increased his quads and fitness. With jogging, it's to be out with the dogs. 

Although we don't work out together, cooking together rocks! This is new to us. Going to the farmers markets, then cooking from scratch and creating a meal together makes us feel all warm and fuzzy. And it's healthy too.


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## Ikaika

Hearts,

Sounds like you and your H, have a very healthy outlook. In most situations, swinging the pendulum too far to either extreme spells problems in any relationship. 

I'm 52 and in better shape now than I was 10 years ago. Granted, I don't have the six-pack of a 20 year old and not about to compete on that level. My wife is 50 and she is definitely in better shape than she was a decade ago. She complains about all sorts of flaws she thinks she has. I don't see them. What I see is a foxy 50 year old woman.


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## motherofone

I exercise and stay for for me. 

I am in the best shape of my life and my husband isn't attracted to me anymore and wants a D. 

Ok. 

I am fit for me  I know I am better off and someday there will be someone who compliments me better. 

It is honorable you want to be in shape for your spouse, but be honest, it really is for you too.


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## meson

SimplyAmorous said:


> I hate exercising... I really wish I didn't...... I like riding bikes and having sex.. taking hikes in the woods.... things like that... running around at an amusement park, Heck I think I would rather dig a ditch than go to an exercise class... sounds awful I know...
> 
> We've never had problems with our weight... but our cholesterol #'s are not where they should be...it's a genetic thing...when we did exercise...pretty much our sole reason.... it didn't seem to do anything so we got very discouraged...
> 
> I hate getting older cause all this stuff matters...our bodies are going to slowly fall apart....I think for someone like me, staying active is far easier than getting on an exercise program. I do run up & down my steps every day about 50 times... so this is something I guess!


You don't need to like to exercise to get exercise. I hate it myself. I never go to an ordinary gym and except for rotator cuff exercises I don't use weights.

Be active doing something you like. A good hike on hilly terrain will give you a super good workout. You might enjoy yoga, Pilates or some other body movement activity. Martial arts is great exercise. Judo kept me fit for a long time. Wrestle with your husband. 

You mention biking. Many people I know bike for their main exercise. If you live some place like Southern wife you can go waterskiing. If you live up north you can snowboard or skateboard. 

Body weight activities are really all you need to maintain fitness and lots of them can be done outdoors away from the ugly, smelly, crowded disgusting gyms.


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## Coffee Amore

Threetimesalady said:


> I am sure that you all who speak here probably represent all the beautiful people of the world...As for me I have dealt with a health site and have counseled people from my knowledge of my yesterdays, from teen agers on up with eating problems...I am who I am because I have conquered that part of me that got beat down by life and ate to combat the sorrow...It started as a child...Fed to be good...Fed as a reward....and punished if I gained weight...The worst punishment being when we were in a car and they would moo if they saw a cow....
> 
> These are the things that hurt our kids and many women as they age...If a husband tells a wife that he would no longer love her as much or make love to her if she gained weight, in my eyes he would be considered not worthy of her...She must be helped in other ways...I do understand that each of you are more perfect, but life isn't perfect...This forum is filled with imperfect people...But you do stand out...
> 
> Now you see why I stay on my thead...


I'm not sure if I'm reading the tone of your post correctly or not, but you seem to see something here that I don't. I don't think anyone who posted so far in this thread claimed they are more perfect or more beautiful or better than anyone else. I'm not sure why you were left with that impression. I'm sorry if that's the impression you've had. If anything, what I got from the posts in this thread is that we all struggle with exercise, eating right, and finding a balance in our lives. We're all profoundly human. 

I used to be very underweight as a child. Underweight to the point, I had to take some stinky protein powder prescribed the doctor so that I would maintain the weight I had. While I now have the opposite problem, I am sympathetic to those who are naturally very thin and don't want to be perceived as anorexic. I was once that slim. I'm married to a man who has never struggled with weight. He's also one of those people who can have a nibble of something then he's done whereas I could inhale an entire cheesecake by myself if I let myself.  I gained the 15 pounds after marriage not from eating junk because we don't have soda or too many processed foods at home, but by eating the same portions he did and he's much taller than me. Now I'm much more aware of portion sizes for my size versus his. 

I hope you don't stop posting in this thread...I think you have much to contribute.


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## Plan 9 from OS

Threetimesalady said:


> *I am sure that you all who speak here probably represent all the beautiful people of the world...*As for me I have dealt with a health site and have counseled people from my knowledge of my yesterdays, from teen agers on up with eating problems...I am who I am because I have conquered that part of me that got beat down by life and ate to combat the sorrow...It started as a child...Fed to be good...Fed as a reward....and punished if I gained weight...The worst punishment being when we were in a car and they would moo if they saw a cow....
> 
> These are the things that hurt our kids and many women as they age...If a husband tells a wife that he would no longer love her as much or make love to her if she gained weight, in my eyes he would be considered not worthy of her...She must be helped in other ways...I do understand that each of you are more perfect, but life isn't perfect...This forum is filled with imperfect people...But you do stand out...
> 
> *Now you see why I stay on my thead...*


You are wrong. I'm the OP, and in my current condition I am not a "beautiful person". I was in fabulous shape as a child through my early 20s, and I slowly gained weight ever since. I find it odd that you jump to this conclusion with such conviction. Clearly you were hurt and you believe the major theme of the thread is that no intimacy should be given to people who are not in shape. No one said that in this thread, and it must be the scars you carried in childhood coming out when people talk about being fit while married. JMHO.

Now for the second part. Don't go and hide just because someone disagreed with you and call you out. We're all friends here even if we disagree. No one is banishing you to your thread nor do we (from my POV) feel threatened if you disagree with any of us. It's give and take - so feel free to go on any thread you please to give us your experiences.


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## meson

Threetimesalady said:


> I am sure that you all who speak here probably represent all the beautiful people of the world...As for me I have dealt with a health site and have counseled people from my knowledge of my yesterdays, from teen agers on up with eating problems...I am who I am because I have conquered that part of me that got beat down by life and ate to combat the sorrow...It started as a child...Fed to be good...Fed as a reward....and punished if I gained weight...The worst punishment being when we were in a car and they would moo if they saw a cow....
> 
> These are the things that hurt our kids and many women as they age...If a husband tells a wife that he would no longer love her as much or make love to her if she gained weight, in my eyes he would be considered not worthy of her...She must be helped in other ways...I do understand that each of you are more perfect, but life isn't perfect...This forum is filled with imperfect people...But you do stand out...
> 
> Now you see why I stay on my thead...


We may talk about fitness but it doesn't mean it's easy for any and all of us. I am a stress eater myself. I enjoy eating very much, especially fine dinning. The effect of kids reducing my free time and stress at work caused me to top 300lbs 11 years ago. This hurt my marriage.

Your first post in the thread is spot on. It effected my marriage more than I knew. The lack of activity caused by and causing the weight resulted in doing less for my kids. The extra padding on my pubes resulted in my penis size effectively reduced by almost two inches. What pulled me out was my need to be active and live.

I found activities and eating habits that worked for me. My determination to lose the weight became attractive to my wife. I in turn took what I learned and use it to teach Scouts the personal fitness merit badge. When I teach it I include more than what the Bous Scouts discuss in their books and I shoe them the dietary guidelines and the proper nutritional percentages. In fact I am working the badge now with my youngest son.

I have faults also. I had a climbing accident last year which caused me to stop activity and a job situation that caused me to stress eat. I gained 25lbs which I am currently working to take off. So no we are not all beautiful people bragging about fitness.

Your initial comments are valuable to the thread but there is no need to think badly of us walking the same path you have trodden.


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## Ikaika

Threetimesalady

It is all about balance. I don't think we are that far apart in our thinking. I don't exercise to fit some socially acceptable model type. Nor does my wife. As I have said before, it really is about how exercise can do so much for your own psychological well being. If the benefit of looking more attractive results from such I look at that as more icing on the cake than the cake itself. 

There is so much to be said for eating right and staying active, but it less about how it will make me look and more about how it makes me feel.

BTW, I don't focus on scales.


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## WorkingOnMe

We're a pretty active and fit family. We run, cycle and climb a lot. But I do it to lead an interesting life, not to be fit for my wife. She may do it for me but I don't know. She's 5'6" 130lbs. I like her a little heavier. What can I say, I like big butts. She wears a size 4 or 5 and I wouldn't mind a bit more at all.


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## Plan 9 from OS

WorkingOnMe said:


> We're a pretty active and fit family. We run, cycle and climb a lot. But I do it to lead an interesting life, not to be fit for my wife. She may do it for me but I don't know. She's 5'6" 130lbs. I like her a little heavier. What can I say, I like big butts. She wears a size 4 or 5 and I wouldn't mind a bit more at all.


My mindset is that I do it for us. No doubt that you do it to affect yourself first and foremost, but in the end it comes down to doing it for not only you, but just as much for your spouse and children.

We try to stay fit so that we look and feel better. So when you want to look better for yourself, who are you trying to impress? Of course it's awesome to get compliments from the opposite sex or to notice that the people of the opposite sex are checking you out. But the person you are trying to impress the most is your spouse. I workout to feel better. When I feel better, I'm more confident, friendlier and am more fun to be around with. Who benefits the most? My wife. Because we're connected through marriage, and I do believe that the two come together to become one, any positive efforts I make in my life end up being not just for me but for my wife too.


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## Plan 9 from OS

Just to throw something else out there about living the active lifestyle. Not only is it good to commit to it for yourself (which ultimately affects your relationship dynamic) and to make yourself more pleasing to look at for your spouse, there is also an intangible benefit that I think is very important. I think when your spouse sees you taking the time and effort to work out in order to become healthier (and sexier), they see it as a demonstration of your love for the spouse and for the family. I would say this is true for healthy marriages - not those that are fair at best where a spouse starting to work out all of a sudden may look "suspicious". 

In my case, my wife has been on me for the past several years to start exercising again. I blew it off a number of times. She has said - on more than one occasion - that she's not going to nag me about working out because I have to want it before I will do it. Granted, she said this to me a number of times so clearly it did bother her that I wasn't doing anything to stay fit yet she'd pull that line out on me several times (hint, hint...). So in my case, my wife feels that I take my responsibilities towards the family a lot more seriously because I am committing to a healthier lifestyle. It shows that I want to stick around for awhile and be with them as opposed to selfishly pursuing my own "wants" to eat junk food and degrade my health to the point that I have to take a suitcase of pills to wherever I go or to get my cane out to move about.


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## FemBot

WorkingOnMe said:


> We're a pretty active and fit family. We run, cycle and climb a lot. But I do it to lead an interesting life, not to be fit for my wife. She may do it for me but I don't know. She's 5'6" 130lbs. I like her a little heavier. What can I say, I like big butts. She wears a size 4 or 5 and I wouldn't mind a bit more at all.



There is research out there that states that a fathers physical fitness is the number one predictor of physical fitness in children. Not so with a mother, so you are doing great


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## meson

Threetimesalady said:


> No, it wasn't necessarily that they disagreed with me it was that I never read the whole first post...I looked at the title...Felt it was what I feared and that being the intimacy in marriage...That hurt as I have dealt with so many hurt women over my years on the web...Please forgive...
> 
> As far as going on any thread, I think this is what bugs me...I am older than dirt yet have a mind and experiences in life that yearn to come out...The age hampers me and so when I cut loose sometimes I lead with both barrels...In many ways I am still punishing myself for deleting some posts...and taking it out on all the people I answer with my problem...God, it does hurt to humble yourself...Thanks...



That's ok, I have misinterpreted more than one thread and your first post was insightful showing the experience you have. No problem!

Your comment about being older than dirt makes me think of another reason why staying fit is good for your spouse. My dad married someone 8 years younger than him and usually the wives outlast their husbands. My dad stopped s,oking and began exercising when he was middle aged. This so far has helped him be there for her longer with a better quality of life. We shouldn't forget that the more we are active the higher the odds we will have more time with our spouses.


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## SimplyAmorous

LadyFrogFlyAway said:


> Believe it or not, *it's just as hard for an underweight or slightly underweight person to gain as it is for someone overweight to lose*. We get a lot of jokes about, "Oh, I _wish_ I had that problem," but it really is hard.


 This is how my husband is, he used to describe himself as scrawney in high school, and where he worked, they couldn't believe how much he could shovel down, eating machine... never gaining a lb... I don't think he has ever weighed more than 165 in his life.... But I like this! I love 'em lanky. 

A friend asked me to join her at her church, an hr exercise class.. 3 times a week...due to my schedule , I'll only be able to make it once a week...but it's a start ! Will be interesting to see if I can even keep up!


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## bbdad

> It is all about balance. I don't think we are that far apart in our thinking. I don't exercise to fit some socially acceptable model type. Nor does my wife. As I have said before, it really is about how exercise can do so much for your own psychological well being. If the benefit of looking more attractive results from such I look at that as more icing on the cake than the cake itself.
> 
> There is so much to be said for eating right and staying active, but it less about how it will make me look and more about how it makes me feel.
> 
> BTW, I don't focus on scales.


This is so very true. I am a total gym rat, but I do it for many reasons. First is myself. Being fit and in shape makes me feel good about myself and adds to my confidence level. 

Second is so I can be around for my family. I want to be able to do things with my kids and possibly grand kids in the future. Our parents are very unhealthy and can not even take our kids to the park due to their obesity and other health issues. I want to be the grandpa at the park climbing on the equipment and running around with the kids, not just sitting there in my Rascal Scooter with an O2 tank tagging along.

And, unless you are competing in a sport that has weight classes, throw those damn scales away. I have a physique competition coming up and I won't even measure my bodyfat, let alone weight. I have to be very lean, but the look is more important than the number. Scales just discourage people. Take photos of your transformation. When you feel stuck or discouraged, look at your photos from months ago and see your transformation. That will serve to inspire, not a stupid number on a scale.


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## toomuchtotell

I am very conscious about staying fit and healthy. I do it both for myself and for my husband as he likes slim women. I often wish he would also work on his physical fitness. He never works out and is slightly overweight (20lbs, not much to be a big deal) with very little muscle tone. Last night he commented that he feels like "a fat disgusting slob" and I asked him if he feels that way, why does he not go to the gym? We have one right down the street he can walk to. He responded that he is lazy. If he left it at that, ok fine. But then responded, "I used to like to work out, back when I was dating and it mattered". I asked him if he thought it didn't matter now because whether I find him attractive or not isn't important, and I didn't get an answer.


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## Plan 9 from OS

toomuchtotell said:


> I am very conscious about staying fit and healthy. I do it both for myself and for my husband as he likes slim women. I often wish he would also work on his physical fitness. He never works out and is slightly overweight (20lbs, not much to be a big deal) with very little muscle tone. Last night he commented that he feels like "a fat disgusting slob" and I asked him if he feels that way, why does he not go to the gym? We have one right down the street he can walk to. He responded that he is lazy. If he left it at that, ok fine. But then responded, "I used to like to work out, back when I was dating and it mattered". I asked him if he thought it didn't matter now because whether I find him attractive or not isn't important, and I didn't get an answer.


That's not a good attitude to have about it. But it does happen to the best of us when we get comfortable and feel that there is no more work to be done because we're married. 

I'd say it's time to have the talk with him. Ask him if he finds you attractive. He'll say yes, and then tell him that you work to keep your nice figure, and that maybe he can start working out so that you can feel a deeper attraction to him too. Since I've been working out, my wife has noticed a difference in my look. Just yesterday, she was feeling my arm. She notices that my arms are getting more toned and bigger. It was almost unconscious to her that she did it - until I flexed my muscle after she was touching my arm for a short while.


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## Thundarr

toomuchtotell said:


> I am very conscious about staying fit and healthy. I do it both for myself and for my husband as he likes slim women. I often wish he would also work on his physical fitness. He never works out and is slightly overweight (20lbs, not much to be a big deal) with very little muscle tone. Last night he commented that he feels like "a fat disgusting slob" and I asked him if he feels that way, why does he not go to the gym? We have one right down the street he can walk to. He responded that he is lazy. If he left it at that, ok fine. But then responded, "I used to like to work out, back when I was dating and it mattered". I asked him if he thought it didn't matter now because whether I find him attractive or not isn't important, and I didn't get an answer.


Yea it's your fault . Tell him to drop the blame game and own his personal choices. And btw he should expect some nasty consequences for saying things that suggests you don't matter. Those consequences are likely building as resentment already.


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## Coffee Amore

bbdad said:


> And, unless you are competing in a sport that has weight classes, throw those damn scales away. I have a physique competition coming up and I won't even measure my bodyfat, let alone weight. I have to be very lean, but the look is more important than the number. Scales just discourage people. Take photos of your transformation. When you feel stuck or discouraged, look at your photos from months ago and see your transformation. That will serve to inspire, not a stupid number on a scale.


Photos are good. I've done that. The other measuring I stick I like, tape measures. Sometimes you can lose a lot of inches without seeing much of a budge in the scales.


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## MrsTitoFrito

I stay fit for him mainly because I get insecure like any other woman out there. When you feel great about your body, others notice your change in mood. Hubby works out as well. He mainly lifts weights and MMA with his friends. We take walks/jogs in the morning at least once a week. We sometime take the dogs for walks together in the evening. If we notice we're in a rut of inactivity we'll go canoeing or hiking.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Hortensia

Way to go ! It is very important to stay fit, take care of your looks, and dress nice. Not only it keeps them attracted to you, but you feel good about yourself, which helps lose the inhibitions about being naked and have a healthy sex life. Plus, self confidence is always sexy.


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## Hortensia

Coffee Amore said:


> Photos are good. I've done that. The other measuring I stick I like, tape measures. Sometimes you can lose a lot of inches without seeing much of a budge in the scales.


My feelings exactly ! I keep photos of my body in its best shape ever on the comp. I love to look at them, and when I'm on a diet, they inspire me : "I'm getting there again, soon I will look exactly like in these pics." And I do. 
I too never measure myself- I'd have a panic attack lol. I use eye- weight, and the pants zipper never lies
My sin is loving fattening foods. So it's an on and off battle. But I never allow myself to let loose. As soon as I reach a certain limit, I go back to diet


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## Coffee Amore

Hortensia said:


> My feelings exactly ! I keep photos of my body in its best shape ever on the comp. I love to look at them, and when I'm on a diet, they inspire me : "I'm getting there again, soon I will look exactly like in these pics." And I do.
> I too never measure myself- I'd have a panic attack lol. I use eye- weight, and the pants zipper never lies
> My sin is loving fattening foods. So it's an on and off battle. But I never allow myself to let loose. As soon as I reach a certain limit, I go back to diet


And you will get there...

I like to weigh myself regularly. It's easier to stop the weight creep after 3-5 pounds versus 10 pounds.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

I don't stay fit for anyone, but myself.


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## Coffee Amore

I'mInLoveWithMyHubby said:


> I don't stay fit for anyone, but myself.


I agree. I do it for myself too, but I also do it because by being in shape I'll get to spend more time with my husband. 

However, I remember you opened a thread earlier this morning about what makes a good wife? One of your responses to the question was "staying fit and healthy.."


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby

Yes, I meant weight wise though. Healthy meaning no junk or processed foods.lol 

I'm trying to convert my kids into eating all natural foods like my husband and I do. I hope they do follow our example. I cut out processed foods a while back. I hope to keep it that way. I've always had an obsession to stay thin ever since I was a teen.


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## justdance4me

my fh lost a lot of weight before I met him. I don't think I would have given him the time of day had I met him when he was heavy...sadly  but I am glad he became healthy, quit drinking, smoking and exercising.

I take fitness and healthy lifestyle very seriously. I can eat like a pig and never gain a pound because I always burn more calories then what i eat in a day. I am in the studio Sept-June for 10+ hours and in the summer, I run, bike, play golf, tennis you name it. 

Love chatting healthy lifestyles with people! If you want some recommendations on dance as exercise please PM me and I can recommend a studio in your area (Canada or US only).


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