# Too Tired for Sex?



## b1215 (Nov 18, 2015)

My husband and I have been married for about 1 year now (no children). We used to have sex 1-2 times a week, but now we probably only have it 1-2 times a month/every other month. 

A part of that has been our differing schedules--I go to sleep around midnight, he often stays up all night. There have been times when I've wanted sex and he didn't--or he was busy and wouldn't come to bed and it would bother me, but eventually I got over it and just got used to not having sex all that often. Recently I started working 7 days a week and by 11 I can barely keep my eyes open. Lately he has mentioned not having sex and how I don't try to seduce him anymore. I told him that I'm very exhausted and don't feel very wanted. That if he wants to have sex he should "put the moves on me" so I know that he's attracted to me and wants me, and that I will enthusiastically reciprocate. He says he does do that but I blow him off--but this is at 4-5 am when he goes to bed and I'm in such a deep sleep I don't even remember it (and also when I have to be up in 2 hours for work). 

Now our sex life is a mess--when I want it he either can't come to bed until later than I can stay up or has already masturbated. And when he wants it, I'm too tired to keep my eyes open. I can tell it's starting to bother him, but am at a loss of what to do. Is there anything I can do to fix this before it becomes a big problem?


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## Hopeful Cynic (Apr 27, 2014)

Is there a work related reason his sleep schedule is so different from yours? Or is he just a night owl?

Sounds to me like you need to put spontaneity aside for the sake of scheduling yourselves a sex life. Is there any time of day at all where you are both awake and horny?

If you both mostly want sex as a before bedtime activity, you've simply got to coordinate your bedtimes better.

Sounds like he sleeps 5am to noon or so, and you sleep 11pm to 6am? What might happen if you went to bed at 10pm and used him coming to bed as your alarm clock? He could get bedtime sex and you could have a nice wakeup before going to work.

Honestly, I'd be more concerned with what the heck he's doing between 11pm and 5am, if it's not work. THAT's what's really taking time away from you guys being together as a couple. It's very very hard on a couple to live permanently on opposite shifts.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

The two of you just need to get your lives together. My first advice is to cancel all cable TV and toss out any computer gaming equipment.

After that the two of you need to sit down and prioritize your life. Is watching TV, reading books, more important than maintaining your marriage through talking and sex? Often people don't prioritize and the squeeky wheel gets the attention. 

If you can't figure this one out, you reallly shouldn't have children.

Good luck.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

I am never too tired for sex.:grin2:

Mrs.CuddleBug is the one who could have sex only 1 - 2x month.

Only on two occasions in our 16 years of marriage was I too tired and couldn't keep it up. But that's two times over 16 years......

I can have sex during the middle of the night, I'm asleep and Mrs.CuddleBug has her way with me. Or I could do the same with Mrs.CuddleBug while she sleeps.

Could be first thing in the morning, just waking up.

Could be when falling asleep on the couch cuddling.....it doesn't matter for me.


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## tech-novelist (May 15, 2014)

A normal man will generally make sex a priority.

How old are both of you?


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## Happilymarried25 (Mar 19, 2014)

Why does he stay up all night? If he wants to have sex then he needs to go to bed when you do. Start seducing him in the family room and lead him to the bedroom. If he would rather stay up then he is choosing that over having sex with you. I'm a night owl and my husband like to go to bed early but I go to bed when he goes to bed to we can spend time together.


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

b1215 said:


> Now our sex life is a mess--when I want it he either can't come to bed until later than I can stay up or has already masturbated. And when he wants it, I'm too tired to keep my eyes open. I can tell it's starting to bother him, but am at a loss of what to do. Is there anything I can do to fix this before it becomes a big problem?


If you can not overcome scheduling, an easy first step toward rebuilding intimacy would be to have a nice long conversation about masturbation. One of the purposes of this conversation would be to encourage each other to think about each other when the urge "arrises" :grin2: ! 

Write him some sexual stories of ways you would enjoy seducing him and teasing him beyond control, and cleverly weave in some instructions for ways he can actually seduce you when the moment actually strikes. 

Hide a jar of coconut oil somewhere and ask him to experiment with it while he reads your story, and spray a little of your perfume into the jar!

Then just be careful and watch out as he'll probably get you the next time you are in the shower or making breakfast or something!!!!

:grin2: :grin2: :grin2:

Cheers, 
Badsanta


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