# Has he really changed?



## Here2Day (May 26, 2010)

I'm new here, so a little about us. I have known my husband since High School. I know that in his first marriage he cheated on his wife. I don't know the extent. We got together 4 years ago. He was still married and with her when we started seeing eachother, I didn't know that until a year later! We got married and had a child who is now 2 1/2 yrs old. 2 summer's ago he left me, he was cheating we faught he walked out! After about 4 mo. I asked him to come home. He did. I told him I want this to work, I love him, I want our family. It took me awhile to really let him back in and really feel love for him. And I let him know that. I also told him that I really wanted him to be in it too. For real. One day he came to me and told me that He was in love with me again. That it had hit him that I was the one, and he knew it! 

A week later found an email from him to a co worker. He was trying to get her into bed!

I haven't been able to trust him since.

I need help, I want our marriage to work. How do I trust him!


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## Tranquility Counseling (May 6, 2010)

Greetings, In reading your paragraph above about your husband and the pain that you are going through. My first thought was self care. It is very difficult to remain in a relationship when ones partner has cheated, been forgiven and then cheated again. Your foundation of trust has been severly damaged. How is it that you feel LOVE when you cannot Trust? Trust is the foundation of a loving relationship. You are a strong woman, you have done the work , you have forgiven, and allowed this man to come back into your life and home. He has now violated your trust again. He has proven to you that he is not HONEST. How can he say he is in love with you and be trying to get another woman in the bed? Is he a sex addict? I suggest that you work on empowering yourself, setting healthy boundaries in relationships, I also strongly suggest that you not allow someone to mistreat you and your heart this way. In order for your husband to realize that he cannot have you and his cheating ways he has to Know there are consequences for his behaviors. I would ask him to seek therapy, and while he is doing that you should focus on rebuilding your life, working on self love and self care. I would also suggest reading the book Is it love or is it addiction. 
Good luck to you
Darleena Anderson LPC MHSP NCC


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## jessi (Feb 11, 2009)

I'm so sorry you find yourself here and discussing your marriage.
I think it's hard enough to forgive an affair but to have it happen again, impossible to trust someone like that. He has a history of cheating on his 1st wife, now during your marriage and is now looking to do it again......
If it were me I would throw in the towel......he needs help with his boundries and he obviously has commitment issues.
You cannot let this man just keep hurting you like this......you have to stand up for yourself and say you will not put up with this and that he must go, when he gets the help he needs and is willing to work on the marriage, then okay, but not like this.....
good luck


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