# I’m confused and need advice



## Blouvi (10 mo ago)

Two weeks ago me and my wife came to the conclusion that we should separate. We have been together for 15 years and have 3 children, (13,7,4). We have had a great relationship over the years, but after our youngest was born we both kind of withdrew into ourselves. Last year she had an emotional affair. I tried to be understanding of the situation until she told me that she loved him, but she also loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I told her that I couldn’t continue in a marriage with someone that doesn’t put our relationship first. She agreed to end the affair and work on us. However most of last year I tried to talk to her about it and she never really wanted to talk. I mentioned therapy a few times and she just kind of blew it off. I had my bad days, but I really worked hard to try and make her happy. So fast forward to two weeks ago. I walked into the room and she got defensive and put her phone down real quick. So I asked her who she was talking to and she didn’t answer. So I asked if it was him and she said yes. I left for a few hours to try and think and when I got back I told her that this isn’t working out. She tells me that she agrees and that we should separate. She says she is unhappy, but doesn’t feel comfortable telling me why. See the thing that confuses me is that I have been a pretty good husband. In her words, I am the gold standard of husbands. I’m supportive, positive, always trying to help her, we have sex often, I’m not abusive, I’m romantic, I compliment her, say I love you, affectionate and so on. Furthermore, the guy she had the affair with is really similar to me. She has been gone for two weeks and she always calls and texts me. Tells me she misses me and that she loves me so much. She basically wants to act like we aren’t separated and she is still unsure she really wants to be separated. So I guess my question is what do I do next? I’ve already started focusing on my self, hitting the gym, calling up friends I haven’t seen in a while and getting back into hobbies I haven’t done in a while. I’m really not interested in dating anyone else. I am fully vested in getting my wife back, but how do I get her to tell what is making her unhappy so we can start rebuilding?


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## Foreign woman (10 mo ago)

she is still confused and in love with another guy. You need to give her some time. You are the wonderful guy, you dont deserve her behavior. 
If she comes back, she is yours.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

It is the experience of many here that, once a woman gives her attention to another man, it is very difficult to get her back in the marriage with her mind, heart, and soul. At best, she will just be in the marriage bodilywise

Without some serious marriage counselling, your marriage may be over.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Blouvi said:


> Two weeks ago me and my wife came to the conclusion that we should separate. We have been together for 15 years and have 3 children, (13,7,4). We have had a great relationship over the years, but after our youngest was born we both kind of withdrew into ourselves. Last year she had an emotional affair. I tried to be understanding of the situation until she told me that she loved him, but she also loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I told her that I couldn’t continue in a marriage with someone that doesn’t put our relationship first. She agreed to end the affair and work on us. However most of last year I tried to talk to her about it and she never really wanted to talk. I mentioned therapy a few times and she just kind of blew it off. I had my bad days, but I really worked hard to try and make her happy. So fast forward to two weeks ago. I walked into the room and she got defensive and put her phone down real quick. So I asked her who she was talking to and she didn’t answer. So I asked if it was him and she said yes. I left for a few hours to try and think and when I got back I told her that this isn’t working out. She tells me that she agrees and that we should separate. She says she is unhappy, but doesn’t feel comfortable telling me why. See the thing that confuses me is that I have been a pretty good husband. In her words, I am the gold standard of husbands. I’m supportive, positive, always trying to help her, we have sex often, I’m not abusive, I’m romantic, I compliment her, say I love you, affectionate and so on. Furthermore, the guy she had the affair with is really similar to me. She has been gone for two weeks and she always calls and texts me. Tells me she misses me and that she loves me so much. She basically wants to act like we aren’t separated and she is still unsure she really wants to be separated. So I guess my question is what do I do next? I’ve already started focusing on my self, hitting the gym, calling up friends I haven’t seen in a while and getting back into hobbies I haven’t done in a while. I’m really not interested in dating anyone else. I am fully vested in getting my wife back, but how do I get her to tell what is making her unhappy so we can start rebuilding?


This is a perfect example of why you can’t sweep affairs under the rug and try to move forward without resolving the first problem.

OP I hope you realize that she never stopped talking to him. They just hid it better.
Also realize it was highly likely a physical affair long before she left, maybe when you caught her the first time.

What shes doing now is trying out life with her new lover but keeping you on the backburner just in case something goes wrong and she needs a soft landing.

You are her “Plan B”

Lets say she does get her fill of good times with Mr Wonderful. You know you‘re still going to be plan B and she’ll start looking for a new plaything pretty fast. You ok with that?

Man, you don’t deserve this. Pick yourself up and start taking charge.

See a lawyer and file for divorce. If you really want to have any chance at all to reconcile, do this right away. But it may already be too late.

Don’t be her friend. Right now she’s your enemy. She’s destroying your family and betraying your marriage. How can she be a friend?

Stop talking to her unless it’s for the kids.
Detach detach Detach. Like now!

All that ‘model husband’ talk… that’s the beta talking. I’d bet money the new guy is an alpha, more of a bad boy, take charge guy than you are. And that’s what makes her tingle in all the important ways. She wants you around for a security blanket and someone to watch the kids while she gets her rocks off.

Check out “Married Man Sex Life Primer” to see what I mean.
All that nice stuff you were doing just set you up to fail. Men have been lied too.

Show her the nice guy is gone and you aren’t anyone‘s Plan B.
If you do start taking charge and file for divorce, she will freak out because she’s loosing her security blanket. But keep being in charge and that tingle might shift back to you. But ask yourself if you really want Mr Wonderful’s leftovers.

OP I’m sorry you find yourself here. but know that you’re in good company here. We’ve all been there.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Blouvi said:


> Two weeks ago me and my wife came to the conclusion that we should separate. We have been together for 15 years and have 3 children, (13,7,4). We have had a great relationship over the years, but after our youngest was born we both kind of withdrew into ourselves. Last year she had an emotional affair. I tried to be understanding of the situation until she told me that she loved him, but she also loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I told her that I couldn’t continue in a marriage with someone that doesn’t put our relationship first. She agreed to end the affair and work on us. However most of last year I tried to talk to her about it and she never really wanted to talk. I mentioned therapy a few times and she just kind of blew it off. I had my bad days, but I really worked hard to try and make her happy. So fast forward to two weeks ago. I walked into the room and she got defensive and put her phone down real quick. So I asked her who she was talking to and she didn’t answer. So I asked if it was him and she said yes. I left for a few hours to try and think and when I got back I told her that this isn’t working out. She tells me that she agrees and that we should separate. She says she is unhappy, but doesn’t feel comfortable telling me why. See the thing that confuses me is that I have been a pretty good husband. In her words, I am the gold standard of husbands. I’m supportive, positive, always trying to help her, we have sex often, I’m not abusive, I’m romantic, I compliment her, say I love you, affectionate and so on. Furthermore, the guy she had the affair with is really similar to me. She has been gone for two weeks and she always calls and texts me. Tells me she misses me and that she loves me so much. She basically wants to act like we aren’t separated and she is still unsure she really wants to be separated. So I guess my question is what do I do next? I’ve already started focusing on my self, hitting the gym, calling up friends I haven’t seen in a while and getting back into hobbies I haven’t done in a while. I’m really not interested in dating anyone else. I am fully vested in getting my wife back, but how do I get her to tell what is making her unhappy so we can start rebuilding?


I would tell him to come back to bed.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> This is a perfect example of why you can’t sweep affairs under the rug and try to move forward without resolving the first problem.
> 
> OP I hope you realize that she never stopped talking to him. They just hid it better.
> Also realize it was highly likely a physical affair long before she left, maybe when you caught her the first time.
> ...


Beta bucks and Alpha f**ks.


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## Tested_by_stress (Apr 1, 2021)

Have her served. The affair never stopped and I doubt it hasn't been consummated.


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## marko polo (Jan 26, 2021)

Blouvi said:


> Two weeks ago me and my wife came to the conclusion that we should separate. We have been together for 15 years and have 3 children, (13,7,4). We have had a great relationship over the years, but after our youngest was born we both kind of withdrew into ourselves. Last year she had an emotional affair. I tried to be understanding of the situation until she told me that she loved him, but she also loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I told her that I couldn’t continue in a marriage with someone that doesn’t put our relationship first. She agreed to end the affair and work on us. However most of last year I tried to talk to her about it and she never really wanted to talk. I mentioned therapy a few times and she just kind of blew it off. I had my bad days, but I really worked hard to try and make her happy. So fast forward to two weeks ago. I walked into the room and she got defensive and put her phone down real quick. So I asked her who she was talking to and she didn’t answer. So I asked if it was him and she said yes. I left for a few hours to try and think and when I got back I told her that this isn’t working out. She tells me that she agrees and that we should separate. She says she is unhappy, but doesn’t feel comfortable telling me why. See the thing that confuses me is that I have been a pretty good husband. In her words, I am the gold standard of husbands. I’m supportive, positive, always trying to help her, we have sex often, I’m not abusive, I’m romantic, I compliment her, say I love you, affectionate and so on. Furthermore, the guy she had the affair with is really similar to me. She has been gone for two weeks and she always calls and texts me. Tells me she misses me and that she loves me so much. She basically wants to act like we aren’t separated and she is still unsure she really wants to be separated. So I guess my question is what do I do next? I’ve already started focusing on my self, hitting the gym, calling up friends I haven’t seen in a while and getting back into hobbies I haven’t done in a while. I’m really not interested in dating anyone else. I am fully vested in getting my wife back, but how do I get her to tell what is making her unhappy so we can start rebuilding?


What do you do? Move on. Don't take her back because she will betray you repeatedly in an effort to chase whatever it is she is chasing after.

_*Tells me she misses me and that she loves me so much. She basically wants to act like we aren’t separated and she is still unsure she really wants to be separated. Y*_ou are a back up plan in case things don't work out with the other man. 

_*She says she is unhappy, but doesn’t feel comfortable telling me why. *_
If you learned the truth it might push you away.

You are a gold standard husband. That doesn't mean much to a woman like your wife. Gold standard husbands are a safe, stable choice, not an exciting one. She likely isn't attracted to you. 

Would recommend you pay more attention to her actions NOT her words. *She tells you she loves you and misses you but she has been having an affair with another man that she left you for. *What do her actions tell you vs her words? She betrayed you and left you for another man.

Her emotional affair never ended just went underground. Adults do not suddenly decide to end their marriages on a whim. The separation she asked for signaled the other man was willing to replace you.

Your wife will never be happy. She doesn't sound capable of appreciating what she has when she has it. She will always chase the next shiny new toy. If you want your kids to live in a stable environment they will not find that with her and the parade of men that will pass through her life. Co parent with her and provide the stable home your kids will need.

Will your wife come back to you? Yes. When the current relationship turns sour and she needs someone to cushion her fall while she looks for the next man to move to, she will come back to you, her safety net. Don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to your kids. Let her go and find a woman you can build a life with.


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## Diceplayer (Oct 12, 2019)

Blow up the affair by exposing it to everyone you know; your parents, her parents, friends, everyone. Then have her served. She is living in rainbow land so wreck her little fantasy world and do it now.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

If she had the ability to tell you in words what was upsetting you the two of you wouldn't be headed for divorce. She has emotionally checked out of the marriage & is already putting all of her energy into the new guy. If it hasn't become a PA yet it will be soon. 

Therapy won't fix this because she doesn't want to fix it. Let her go. Keep your kids & the house.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You’ve been a great husband, huh?
Look what that got you.

Now, you seem oblivious to the fact that your wife has been having sex and building a relationship with another man for so long, she’s actually left you for him and, to top it all off, you are WANTING HER BACK. You’re “confused”.

I can tell you what to do here. You won’t.
You file for divorce, expose, and stop letting her use you first her emotional security blanket and let her go continue to screw this guy, but also put all the responsibility of life on HIM.
He’s likely to find she’s a handful. You have been letting him enjoy the cake (sex with yiur wife) for quite a while. Let him have the rest.
She will probably come back eventually BUT, the love and respect she had fur you will be gone. I’m sorry. I know how you feel, I’ve been there. But there should be no confusion here. Your wife does not love you and you are a total weak man if you allow her to even say that BS when she’s with another man.


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## Blouvi (10 mo ago)

So some of you are saying be the Alpha, most are saying get a divorce. 
First the Alpha -I’m a highly competitive, good looking guy. I don’t have a problems finding another women. I’m just not ready to give up on my marriage. I met her affair partner and had a long talk with him. His kid is best friends with my kid. Like I said we are a lot alike. 

Divorce - I believe alot of you are speaking from personal experiences and every situation is different. My wife slipped up once in otherwise a really great marriage. It has always been difficult for to speak about her true feelings. This time is no different. She isn’t currently seeing the affair partner and anytime she does see him, she has our daughters with her and usually her mom. So no, I know the affair wasn’t physical. Besides we are really honest with each other. Any questions I have asked I’ve received an answers and trust me they were honest answers. I’ve prepared myself for this being the end and honestly I feel calm about it. She’s my best friend and I want her to be happy. I can always find someone else, just not ready to give up.


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## BeyondRepair007 (Nov 4, 2021)

Blouvi said:


> So some of you are saying be the Alpha, most are saying get a divorce.
> First the Alpha -I’m a highly competitive, good looking guy. I don’t have a problems finding another women. I’m just not ready to give up on my marriage. I met her affair partner and had a long talk with him. His kid is best friends with my kid. Like I said we are a lot alike.
> 
> Divorce - I believe alot of you are speaking from personal experiences and every situation is different. My wife slipped up once in otherwise a really great marriage. It has always been difficult for to speak about her true feelings. This time is no different. She isn’t currently seeing the affair partner and anytime she does see him, she has our daughters with her and usually her mom. So no, I know the affair wasn’t physical. Besides we are really honest with each other. Any questions I have asked I’ve received an answers and trust me they were honest answers. I’ve prepared myself for this being the end and honestly I feel calm about it. She’s my best friend and I want her to be happy. I can always find someone else, just not ready to give up.


OP I mean no disrespect here, but your words match MANY of the weak husbands that come here when their wives are cheating. And it almost always goes the way these posters have told you. They aren’t making this stuff up, it’s real life.

Folks can come off direct, or harsh for sure. People like yourself can’t seem to connect with the truth outside what they can see and touch. So a more direct approach is used.

So I‘ll say this:
Stop defending her.
Start checking up on her if you don’t believe TAM. Find out for yourself, independently of her words.
She’s lying to you now and she has been for possibly years.
Prove me wrong. It would make me very happy to be wrong about this.

Highly competitive good-looking guys are beta’s too.
You have the wrong idea if you think not. read the book.


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## Blouvi (10 mo ago)

BeyondRepair007 said:


> OP I mean no disrespect here, but your words match MANY of the weak husbands that come here when their wives are cheating. And it almost always goes the way these posters have told you. They aren’t making this stuff up, it’s real life.
> 
> Folks can come off direct, or harsh for sure. People like yourself can’t seem to connect with the truth outside what they can see and touch. So a more direct approach is used.
> 
> ...


😂you didn’t hurt my feelings. I’ll check out the book. Thanks for the info.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

Blouvi said:


> She’s my best friend and I want her to be happy. I can always find someone else, just not ready to give up.


That's sweet but unrealistic. You may not be ready to give up but she is. Break ups always default to the one who wants out. She's not treating her like she's your best friend. If she is not willing to roll up her sleeves, go to MC with you, really work on this marriage & put on her big girl panties to find the words to talk to you, there is nothing you can do alone to fix this.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Blouvi said:


> So some of you are saying be the Alpha, most are saying get a divorce.
> First the Alpha -I’m a highly competitive, good looking guy. I don’t have a problems finding another women. I’m just not ready to give up on my marriage. I met her affair partner and had a long talk with him. His kid is best friends with my kid. Like I said we are a lot alike.
> 
> Divorce - I believe alot of you are speaking from personal experiences and every situation is different. My wife slipped up once in otherwise a really great marriage. It has always been difficult for to speak about her true feelings. This time is no different. She isn’t currently seeing the affair partner and anytime she does see him, she has our daughters with her and usually her mom. So no, I know the affair wasn’t physical. Besides we are really honest with each other. Any questions I have asked I’ve received an answers and trust me they were honest answers. I’ve prepared myself for this being the end and honestly I feel calm about it. She’s my best friend and I want her to be happy. I can always find someone else, just not ready to give up.


This is all well and good, but if you're separated, and you want any shot, you need to disengage. I don't mean to just run off and get a divorce, but you absolutely need to start planning on getting a divorce.

When she wants to call you, don't pick up. If she wants to know what life is like without you and she's not happy, let her learn what life is like without you. DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE. When she texts you, unless it's something about your children and whatever, DO NOT REPLY to the texts. You're separated. Act like it, give her what she wants.

You may and well end up divorced, and if that happens, it's ok. At that point, you can become her friend. My ex is one of my very best friends and best co-parent ever. Wouldn't change a thing. But, while you're still married, absolutely not. You don't need to play the pick me game. Walk out of her life and do not support her in any way. You need to have one more conversation with her - let her know, you're done with her so long as you're separated and do so without ambiguity. Without doing so, you're giving her space to waffle on decisions and making you play the game. Don't play the game.

It's your only shot for long term success.


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

OP, let me give you a woman's perspective here. You argument about one slip up in a great marriage would be relevant if she'd cut off the other guy, come fully clean, and fully committed to the marriage.

But you have a wife who's jerking you around while she explores whether she can have a future with the other guy. That's why you need to have her served and cut off contact beyond the kids. Right now you're a backup plan and people don't really value backups.

If she gives up the other guy I suppose you could try again but your issue now is that she's shown herself to be a liar. You'll never know what she's hiding from you.

You would need to decide of you can live like that.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Blouvi said:


> First the Alpha -I’m a highly competitive, good looking guy. I don’t have a problems finding another women. I’m just not ready to give up on my marriage. I met her affair partner and had a long talk with him. His kid is best friends with my kid. Like I said we are a lot alike.


Dude: listen to yourself talking here. You must not have an inkling what an Alpha male is, because if what you say above is true, then what you really are is a misguided weak beta individual that lacks self-respect and dignity. I cringe to read your words saying you have a long conversation with the affair partner (do you realized how pathetic that is to an alpha male?)

An Alpha male is not some jerk banging on his chest that he's the biggest, baddest, good looking ass in town who can get all the girls. Being highly competitive is not an Alpha trait, that's the trait of someone that wants to be on top all the time at all cost.

Alpha is a man that is secure of himself, have self-respect, dignity, and self worth. Alpha is a male that knows what he wants, is not nonsense, knows his boundaries, and will not bend them at the cost of his dignity and self respect. An Alpha is not some Don Juan or Casanova that wants all the women, instead he's a man that wants a partnership with a woman where there is mutual respect, understandings, and clear in the goals to achieve. 

An Alpha is not a man that rug sweeps and put away his partner's affair with another person. Nor he humiliates himself talking to the affair partner and come here talking great about the dude (we're alike), Jesus, dude that's as pathetic an un-alpha as it can be. I don't think that even beta men would lower themselves that much. You are sounding like a cuckold man that would put his self-respect and dignity just to keep a cheating woman at all cost (even at the cost of your manhood). 

I know that so many men like you use their children as a shield to excuse themselves for staying, but let me tell you, children are not stupid, nor ignorant. If there is one thing they have (and must have) is a sixth sense about their family environment. They need to as part of their survival instincts because they are depending on others to survive. So, they can intuitively sense, and know that something is not right in their familial environ, they immediately get more intune with what's going on. Men like you that prefer to stay just to keep the family together don't realize that what they are doing is teaching their children that a family where the parents don't love each other, do not respect each other is OK. that that is the norm that they should emulate. You are teaching your children not only not to have self respect and dignity, you are teaching them to have not respect for you as they grow older and have a better understanding of what a man that have not respect for himself is when they look you in the face. 

For god's sake man she's in love with another man, and you're trying to stand by there at all cost? No sir you're not alpha. You are a man that has not respect for himself.


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## Blouvi (10 mo ago)

Rob_1 said:


> Dude: listen to yourself talking here. You must not have an inkling what an Alpha male is, because if what you say above is true, then what you really are is a misguided weak beta individual that lacks self-respect and dignity. I cringe to read your words saying you have a long conversation with the affair partner (do you realized how pathetic that is to an alpha male?)
> 
> An Alpha male is not some jerk banging on his chest that he's the biggest, baddest, good looking ass in town who can get all the girls. Being highly competitive is not an Alpha trait, that's the trait of someone that wants to be on top all the time at all cost.
> 
> ...


I understand what you are saying. It is good advice. I’m not interested in being a cuckhold. I understand my weaknesses and have started to develop myself into what I used to be. I used to be confident, secure and knew what want. I’ve had a year of every mixed emotion you can think of and before the affair, I struggled with my own problems and depression. So I’m having to rebuild myself to the man I want to be. And your right I shouldn’t settle for this. I should have more self respect and I’m working on it. I know a lot of people on here probably faced the same struggle I’m in now and maybe that’s why the words seem harsh. But I prefer someone be blunt with me than beat around the bush.

I had a conversation as an adult with the man because regardless of the situation, I will have to interact with this guy because our kids are connected. I know that it was low and an insult. I know that it is weak, but regardless of the situation, regardless if I like the result, my kids and his kids should and will remain friends. Now I don’t plan on having any more conversations, or being friendly with this guy.


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## Captain Obvious (Mar 14, 2021)

You do know that while you “are separated” your wife is test driving OM all over the bedroom, if she hasn’t already, which she realistically probably already has. If it doesn’t work out with OM, at least you can be her safety net.


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## Zedd (Jul 27, 2021)

Blouvi said:


> Now I don’t plan on having any more conversations, or being friendly with this guy.


The guy isn't the problem. Your wife is.


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## Blouvi (10 mo ago)

lifeistooshort said:


> OP, let me give you a woman's perspective here. You argument about one slip up in a great marriage would be relevant if she'd cut off the other guy, come fully clean, and fully committed to the marriage.
> 
> But you have a wife who's jerking you around while she explores whether she can have a future with the other guy. That's why you need to have her served and cut off contact beyond the kids. Right now you're a backup plan and people don't really value backups.
> 
> ...


Thank you! I guess when I wrote the post, I was really looking for a women to tell me what is going on. To shed some light and give me a female perspective. I know what’s going on, on the guys side because I’m living it. I know I have to work on some things, and I know what all of this has done to me. I’m currently trying to rebuild myself. I’m not interested in being the backup. 
You are right though, If she was interested in saving our marriage, she knows what she should do. If she doesn’t try than she has given up. I have accepted the end and I am ready to rebuild. I just didn’t know if it was worth fighting for anymore.


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## 24NitroglyceriN26 (11 mo ago)

Blouvi said:


> Thank you! I guess when I wrote the post, I was really looking for a women to tell me what is going on. To shed some light and give me a female perspective. I know what’s going on, on the guys side because I’m living it. I know I have to work on some things, and I know what all of this has done to me. I’m currently trying to rebuild myself. I’m not interested in being the backup.
> You are right though, If she was interested in saving our marriage, she knows what she should do. If she doesn’t try than she has given up. I have accepted the end and I am ready to rebuild. I just didn’t know if it was worth fighting for anymore.


That's highly clinical of you. Excellent.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Blouvi said:


> Thank you! I guess when I wrote the post, I was really looking for a women to tell me what is going on. To shed some light and give me a female perspective. I know what’s going on, on the guys side because I’m living it. I know I have to work on some things, and I know what all of this has done to me. I’m currently trying to rebuild myself. I’m not interested in being the backup.
> You are right though, If she was interested in saving our marriage, *she knows what she should do. If she doesn’t try than she has given up*. I have accepted the end and I am ready to rebuild. I just didn’t know if it was worth fighting for anymore.



While you are getting yourself together and accepting the end, one of the most important steps you should had already taken is getting legal advice by a competent attorney in family law. You need to be proactive not reactive. You need to start understanding where legally you stand. You need to start showing her decisively that you are moving on, with or without her. None of her wishy washy, half attents to keep you hanging around (just in case) should matter. You also need to understand that normally women that want out are way, way ahead of men when it comes to separation and dissolution of the relationship. While you are trying to put yourself together, she's been for the longest time analysing, taking steps and preparing for what she ultimately wants: the other man. You in the other hand, she's making any and all steps necessary to keep you around as plan B in the eventuality that her plan A doesn't works out. 

You need to take this as a business transaction and/or as war where your strategy and moves are carefully calculated and executed advised by the best legal representation that you can get. The above highlighted statement by you reflects you state of mind which indicates that you are still living in "hopium", cut that out. Whether you believe it or not, right now your only chance of getting a reaction out of her is to ASAP serve her with divorce papers. That could make her snap up or not. If not, then you already have the answer you were going to get after a terrible, agonizing lapse of time passed. Mid as well and get it out the way now. You only have one life to live, do not let it pass you by wasting it. Time is of essence, the more time you let it pass the worse for you, the better for her. Anyway, why would you would want to stay and be "second best"? That's terrible.


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## FarmTownGirl (Feb 18, 2021)

marko polo said:


> _*She says she is unhappy, but doesn’t feel comfortable telling me why. *_
> If you learned the truth it might push you away.


Exactly.

"My husband is absolutely wonderful aside from this one concern I have. He loves me enough to ask what I want and need to be happy but, even though I'm a grown woman and mother of 3 and I I married him with intent to spend the rest of my life with him, I'm just NOT COMFORTABLE telling him what is bothering me, so I will have an affair and blow up my marriage and children's lives instead."

Said NO WOMAN EVER.

That is not adult behavior. She is hiding something about herself that she does not want to disclose, or she is just pretending there's something when really all it is is that she gets off on the attention from this other man and so far is getting away with getting that and having her husband/children's father too.


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