# My Cheating Husband...



## TempleBlack (Jul 17, 2011)

Well I have been going through this pain for 3 months now, so I decided I needed to join some support groups. This is the 2nd online one that I have joined this past week. This one looked great, because it has to do with all the areas of marriage, and I think I would benefit from that. So if my post looks familiar, it's because you are a member of the infidelity support group as well. 

My husband and I have been together for 3 years, but we have only been married for 10 months now. We only knew one another for a few months before we started a committed relationship, and I let him move in shortly after we committed due to unforeseen living circumstances on his end. It was supposed to be temporary until he could get his own place, but we were in love, so he remained. 

From the time he first met me, he fell in love. He wrote me poetry, serenaded me, and came to see me every chance that he could. I was deeply moved and flattered by all of this, because I wasn't use to any man being so romantic, and not use to someone showing so much love for me. As it was, I had not dated in five years, because of what my children's father put me through. It remained romantic and dreamlike, and we eventually got married. 

There was only one problem, and it was always there... he was super protective of his computer passwords. His computer needed a password to log in to windows, and he kept his computer off when he wasn't on it. He was always paranoid about me getting into his Facebook account, or into his email. I told him on a few occasions that he can have all of my passwords, and that I didn't care because I had nothing to hide. He didn't want mine, because he felt that he would have to give me his, and he felt that was crossing the line. 

So a few months back I figured we are married now, and we shouldn't hide anything. I hacked into his computer. I figured I would find nothing, but I just wanted piece of mind, and just assumed that I would find nothing more than him just being overly private. Wrong.

I found naked pictures from ex girlfriends that were sent to his cellphone, which he sent to his email for safe keeping. It showed that they came from his cell phone, and they were all dated during the time that we've been together. I also found a saved messenger conversation of him asking an ex to sleep with him again. She told him no, because under the circumstances she didn't feel it was wright. He told her that if she changed her mind and wanted some of him inside her to let him know. On top of all that, I found out through Facebook messages that just that last night, that he met up with a different ex at a bar for drinks behind my back. I also found out that he was trying to meet up with her again. He told her he just loved being around her. She told him that they were just going to be friends, because he was married. 

Anyway by this point I couldn't take it anymore and stormed out of the house. My husband was in the other room while I checked his computer, and was bewildered when I ran passed him and stormed out of the house. I drove to my friend's house and cried it out. Eventually I called him after not accepting his dozens of calls and texts for hours on end. I told him what I did. He told me he wanted to talk about it in person, so I came home, and we did. 

Anyway we are TRYING to work it out now. He has gave up a lot to try and make it work, and I've been keeping close tabs on him, so I know he hasn't done anything since. I find myself obsessed with what he did, can't stop thinking about it, and I even dream about it as I sleep. I am overly paranoid, depressed, jealous, and insecure now. I know that if this does work out, that it is a long road to recovery. 

I can't relate to people who cheat, yet almost everyone that I know does or has cheated. It's almost the norm. Well I guess I'm not normal, and proud of it. I was hoping my husband was an exception as well, but I was wrong. I let the sadness build up in me day after day until it explodes within me, causing me to have an emotional breakdown. 

Anyway he swears he never actually screwed anyone, and while I found no proof that he did, I did find proof that he was trying to. I do believe in my heart that he did, and even if by some miracle that he didn't, it wasn't for lack of trying. He wanted to, and it is cheating to have naked pics of your ex's sent to you, to ask another woman to sleep with you, and to meet up with an ex for drinks behind your wife's back. 

The fantasy of having the perfect romantic marriage is over. Reality sucks


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## Syrum (Feb 22, 2011)

I am sorry you are going through this. I think it's a big red flag when people have everything password protected are not open with email accounts etc and are not open with cell phones and computers. If you can't share that stuff with your spouse then I don't think you should be married.


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## reindeer (Mar 24, 2011)

Temple, it must have been an awful shock to discover what you have. I have made similar discoveries over my 20 year relationship. 

It takes an awful lot to rebuild a level of trust where you can be truly happy. It can apparently be done though, but I think it will Tke some professional help to establish the way forward – or not.

My situation is that we are now separated, no hope of reconciliation. He is now with woman he works with. Relationship began through suggestive phone contact on top of contact at work.

How do you see yourself in the future? Will you become obsessive about his phone, or computer. Do you read things into all that he says. Will he become closed and keep things secret. Will he be prepared to be checked up on. It is a long hard road. I still miss my husband, but think I am better off in the long run. Maybe some individual counselling my help you decide where you want to go with this. Take care.


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## justsam (Mar 14, 2011)

wow... you look and sound like real winner to me. for him to step outside the marriage is a total mind-boggle... go figure. he nedds to prove he is deserving of another chance.


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## TempleBlack (Jul 17, 2011)

I do need counseling, and know I need to get on top of that. I am currently obsessed over checking up on him, but I don't see that in the future, because it's going to exhaust me, and make me look like the jerk in this relationship in the long run, and I don't want to get that twisted. I see myself letting go of the control soon, and leaving our relationship to fate. Monitoring him will keep him faithful, but we will never truly be happy, because at least on my end I want him to want to be faithful on his own. What I want more than anything now, is to understand why he did it, because if I can't understand why, then I won't be able to start the healing process.


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