# Am i virgin ? pls let me know



## bondraju (Mar 14, 2012)

i had some physical contact with my ex..but never did vaginal or anal intercourse..i did these stuffs thrice..but now i met my future hubby..his name is Ram..he told me the meaning of "LOVE"...I am in love with him..I want to give my everything to him..as he surely deserves it..i am mad for him..But i feel guilty about my past..i want to know whether i am virgin or not...

note : i just had oral sex for around 30 seconds once with my bastard ex..
am i considered virgin? i want to give my whole thing to my hubby..
Fortunately he trusts me..and i am posting this question through his mail id...please help me out


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## Complexity (Dec 31, 2011)

Yes, you're a virgin so long as you haven't had vaginal intercourse.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

Yes you are.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

your making a big over nothing.

love your new husband and put this stress behind you.


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## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

nope.

once you break the boundaries of anything sexual, i dont feel you are virgin any longer.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

I definitely consider you a virgin ...where the meaning comes from, correct me if I am wrong , is likely the OLD Testament in the Bible- 

Read #2 on this Book page >>  Sex Texts from the Bible -Blood on the sheets

I did alot worse than you before I married, me & my then bf/ now husband touched each other intimately for near 7 yrs before we married ..... I also did a little something with a neighbor Boy before I met him, I don't really regret any of these things. My boundary was intercourse, isn't this what makes you "one" ....(penis inside vagina)... also what has the power to create "new life". 

And still when I married.... there was a little blood I recall... we had so much trouble with my hymen, it is seriously laughable. I hope you won't go through that experience! I always considered myself a Virgin - at least physically. Though some would still judge that my purity was tainted and I was not a virgin "spiritually".... people like the last poster here Know_buddy . I often wonder what their sexual histories consisted of.. 

To each their own judgement. We both wore White on our Wedding day...and we still had something beautiful to share where no other has been......we considered it a sacred thing.....even if it was terribly frustrating for a time. My husband couldn't get it in!.... after 3 months of this frustration, my obgyn wanted to give me a hymenectomy surgery....but surprise surprise, I was pregnant ! 

So I conceived before my husband fully penetrated me, we used to joke our 1st son was the immaculate conception. It was the craziest thing ever - I doubt you'll have that much trouble !

I think your husband should be very proud of you for waiting .... in this day & age, it is near unheard of. You & he should have something very very very special.


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## I'mInLoveWithMyHubby (Nov 7, 2011)

Yes, you are for sure a virgin. Good for you!

Even if you weren't, you still could love your SO/husband and give him your all.


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## MrK (Sep 2, 2010)

Labels. 

A woman who seeks out strangers at the bars just so she can suck off a new one in the back alley every week is a virgin. 

A girl who had 3 minutes of vaginal sex in her parents bed with the pimply faced next door neighbor at 17 is not.

:scratchhead:

I'll pass on the virgin in that case.

I'll pass on the labels as well.


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## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> And still when I married.... there was a little blood I recall... we had so much trouble with my hymen, it is seriously laughable. I hope you won't go through that experience! I always considered myself a Virgin - at least physically. Though some would still judge that my purity was tainted and I was not a virgin "spiritually".... people like the last poster here Know_buddy . I often wonder what their sexual histories consisted of..
> 
> To each their own judgement.


come on now SA.
im not judging you or anybody else.
its just my opinion.
just because im right doesnt make anyone else bad for their opinions either.


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## bondraju (Mar 14, 2012)

Know_Buddy said:


> nope.
> 
> once you break the boundaries of anything sexual, i dont feel you are virgin any longer.


be logical..as kissing is also a sexual act..


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Do YOU think you're a virgin? What is the definition of 'virgin' to you? A virgin Caesar has no alcohol. A virgin forest has never been logged.


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## bondraju (Mar 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> Do YOU think you're a virgin? What is the definition of 'virgin' to you? A virgin Caesar has no alcohol. A virgin forest has never been logged.


yes i am a virgin..and i am honoured as it is for my hubby


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## bondraju (Mar 14, 2012)

thanks a lot to all members...I am happy that I saved my V for my hubby..


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## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

bondraju said:


> be logical..as kissing is also a sexual act..


get real.
if your kissing on a sex organ, then yes, it is.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Know_Buddy said:


> get real.
> if your kissing on a sex organ, then yes, it is.


So if I kissed your brain we'd be having sex??


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## itgetsbetter (Mar 1, 2012)

It's funny how subjective a woman's virginity is. Interesting.

I don't think a woman who gave a guy head for 30 seconds lost her virginity, no.


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## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So if I kissed your brain we'd be having sex??


lol, i thought of that also, right after i posted.

i dont let anyone in my brain anymore.


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## bondraju (Mar 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So if I kissed your brain we'd be having sex??


its your thought...i don't think so...go and ask bill clinton


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## bondraju (Mar 14, 2012)

itgetsbetter said:


> It's funny how subjective a woman's virginity is. Interesting.
> 
> I don't think a woman who gave a guy head for 30 seconds lost her virginity, no.


Actually sir i am from india..in this country virginity matters..i know that my future hubby is open minded but still i wanna give him my everything...and fortunately he is also a 25 yr old virgin...


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## itgetsbetter (Mar 1, 2012)

bondraju said:


> Actually sir i am from india..in this country virginity matters..i know that my future hubby is open minded but still i wanna give him my everything...and fortunately he is also a 25 yr old virgin...


I'm a girl  lol I understand it matters to you. I do think you're a virgin. I'm glad he is too since it matters so much to you both. Best wishes


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## bondraju (Mar 14, 2012)

itgetsbetter said:


> I'm a girl  lol I understand it matters to you. I do think you're a virgin. I'm glad he is too since it matters so much to you both. Best wishes


hello...today i went out with my future hubby...I knew the meaning of love..he told me three things 
1. "Respect Everyone whether he/she is younger or elder than you"
2. "Truth is the most important thing in life"
3. "Have faith in yourself and god"

and i was so overwhelmed that i told the things about my past..after hearing he told "Is this really a big fault ?...Its nothing..you are pure.."and then told those three magical words and then hugged me in front of everyone..today i am very happy:smthumbup:


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## 2nd_t!me iz_best (Feb 28, 2011)

bondraju said:


> hello...today i went out with my future hubby...I knew the meaning of love..he told me three things
> 1. "Respect Everyone whether he/she is younger or elder than you"
> 2. "Truth is the most important thing in life"
> 3. "Have faith in yourself and god"
> ...


thats all that matters, how you and he sees you.


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## bondraju (Mar 14, 2012)

hey friends thanks a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot a lot...i am very glad today..i wanna show his photo to all of you...


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## CLucas976 (Jun 27, 2010)

you know, by todays american standards, I might as well call myself a virgin. 

I married the second guy I slept with. most people now a days barely remember the second person they had sex with, and i still can't bring myself to go after anyone else. 

your a virgin dear, no worries.


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## Entropy3000 (May 11, 2011)

You are a virgin by definition.

What does it matter?

I do suggest you be honest with your future husband on your level of experience going into the marriage. There is no need for a label.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Know_Buddy said:


> come on now SA.
> im not judging you or anybody else.
> its just my opinion.
> just because im right doesnt make anyone else bad for their opinions either.


I know of a couple (a woman in my Mops group)... who waited to have their 1st kiss on their wedding day, I guess this is how high you regard the term "virgin" then? I am seriously curious of this mindset ...

Can you tell me where you get this idea of heightened purity... is it from scripture or something else ?? .... Many on this particular forum feel as you ....  The Marriage Bed - Sex Intimacy for Married Christians 

I was bascially spit upon with our pre-marital actions, told to repent...didn't matter that he was who I married... but we don't regret what we did...so I would be lying through my teeth anyway. As if my own Maker wouldn't know my heart. 

Back to my friend from Mops... When she told us that, my mouth near hit the floor, I made a really big deal out of it, gave her alot of praise.... I thought it was pretty sweet -- but darn ...the self control !!! I couldn't fathom it if one has any kind of sex drive. I was very honest with her on the spot... I told her no way in the world could we have been THAT PURE.... Her husband was a Preachers son and that worked for them, they went on to have 3 little girls , as last I seen them... seemed really happy. They were on the same page... what it is all about. 

It matters to some people. I mattered to me (back then). 

I personally have mixed feelings on it... NOW... I think it is something to be proud of on the one hand ...if you are lucky enough to BE sexually compatable....

....But on the other hand ...I see it as a HUGE RISK in an upcoming marraige... what if the woman can not orgasm & this is highly highly important to her husband...(some men are like this- my husband is one of them, he is the type that would get depressed over it).... what if she can only orgasm from oral and he doesn't like it, what if he feels oral should be performed & she hates it , makes her gag, is repulsed....(happens all the time)...... what if she finds out she doesn't like sex ? I pity the husband! 

I think it is a nice thing but I also feel it can invite many problems at the same time..... unforseen. It is a tough call. BUt I don't think we should have sex casually ....ever.


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## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

SimplyAmorous said:


> I know of a couple (a woman in my Mops group)... who waited to have their 1st kiss on their wedding day, I guess this is how high you regard the term "virgin" then? I am seriously curious of this mindset ...
> 
> Can you tell me where you get this idea of heightened purity... is it from scripture or something else ?? .... Many on this particular forum feel as you ....  The Marriage Bed - Sex Intimacy for Married Christians
> 
> ...



i agree with you.
all i did was answer the basic question asked by the OP.
that is my opinion that going farther than kissing is to me pushing it over the 'virgin' point.

i also do think it can cause potential problems waiting for marriage to have sex.
i think people should know if they are sexually compatible, it is too important an issue to gamble with i think.


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## Chelle D (Nov 30, 2011)

I agree that you are a virgin... However, I think it is important that you have a talk sometime, one on one... open & frank talk with future hubby.

let him know that you did do some (although very little ) contact with male genitals. Tell him about the limited oral. It's better that he knows now & knows that you are still a virgin,... then for him to find out years from now & have it cause a huge fight.


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## hydrolaw (Mar 16, 2012)

No sex before marriage is an outdated tradition that originated with trying to guarantee family blood lines and trying to guarantee sexual purity of the female for the male. Stop wasting your time with such questions. Besides, I haven't ever bought a pair of shoes without trying them on first. It would really suck to marry the guy and find out you are not sexually compatible.


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## Dar-li (Mar 14, 2012)

organickly saying: you are,
but emotionally, spiritually saying: you are not


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Know_Buddy said:


> i agree with you.
> all i did was answer the basic question asked by the OP.
> that is my opinion that going farther than kissing is to me pushing it over the 'virgin' point.
> 
> i also do think it can cause potential problems waiting for marriage to have sex. i think people should know if they are sexually compatible, it is too important an issue to gamble with i think.


Ok, I get what you are saying now.... I do.... it doesn't even mean that YOU or your wife was THIS pure.... just that you view the term as "*untouched*" in every single way. I guess one could call those of us who fooled around pleasurably - but waited for intercourse as Dirty and Tainted.
I struggled my whole youth feeling like God was judging me anyway, so very true... I WAS *dirty minded *& I wanted nothing more than to get a little "dirty" with my boyfriend. 

But I still feel like I sacrificed something during dating... given we waited for him to "enter" me, it was a HUGE struggle at first, I remember thinking ... "Oh my God, how are we not going to do [email protected]#$%".....but I had my boundary in the sand...that was as pure as I could handle it ... and he respected that boundary. ....Maybe it was stupid even, but we felt Good for what we held back (I would have had a mountain of Guilt /shame otherwise)..... given that sacrifice, we still wore White on our wedding day and didn't feel like hypocrites. 

But hey, that is just MY opionion... from a Tainted virgin. I wouldn't have had any desire what so ever to be as PURE as those who are untouched anyway. God Bless them, it wasn't for me! I feel it would have sucked all of the enjoyment & romance out of our dating years & we both would have been utterly frustrated....might have even jumped into marriage too soon just so we could touch each other. 

My oldest is 21, a Worship Leader--his desire is to go on to be a Youth Pastor... he is still a Virgin.. He has not been intimate in any way, he has no trouble getting girls, his roommates tell me they swarm around him, I see it when he has big parties at our house.....but he is very very choosey, He does not believe in having sex before marraige, he feels it is morally wrong... 

Most Moms are worried their sons are going to knock someone up, I am worried mine is going to marry a low drive virgin & suffer in his marriage. I feel we NEED to have some experimentation while dating, I see much wisdom in that....even if my son disagress with me.


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## Know_Buddy (Mar 13, 2012)

LOL
Tainted virgin, love it.

No, me and exw were not virgins when we married.

As for wearing white on your wedding day, i think people should wear what they want, virgins or [email protected] or anything in between.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Know_Buddy said:


> LOL
> Tainted virgin, love it.


 Well do you think that is a fair assesment? honest? 

With this little exchange... my mind has forever been changed here. Yep, I am tainted.....If I ever refer to myself as a virgin in my youth again (which happens from time to time)... I will now add dirty and/or tainted in front of the term ....even if /when I go to a Christian forum, that ought to be fun. 

And still  about it all.


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Dar-li said:


> organickly saying: you are,
> but emotionally, spiritually saying: you are not


I get where you're coming from.
This could also be applied to male "virgins," guys that do "nearly everything...but." 
Yes, they're "technical" virgins...


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

*Yes, dear, you were a virgin....*



SimplyAmorous said:


> Ok, I get what you are saying now.... I do.... it doesn't even mean that YOU or your wife was THIS pure.... just that you view the term as "*untouched*" in every single way. I guess one could call those of us who fooled around pleasurably - but waited for intercourse as Dirty and Tainted.
> I struggled my whole youth feeling like God was judging me anyway, so very true... I WAS *dirty minded *& I wanted nothing more than to get a little "dirty" with my boyfriend.
> 
> But I still feel like I sacrificed something during dating... given we waited for him to "enter" me, it was a HUGE struggle at first, I remember thinking ... "Oh my God, how are we not going to do [email protected]#$%".....but I had my boundary in the sand...that was as pure as I could handle it ... and he respected that boundary. ....Maybe it was stupid even, but we felt Good for what we held back (I would have had a mountain of Guilt /shame otherwise)..... given that sacrifice, we still wore White on our wedding day and didn't feel like hypocrites.


FWIW, I think you _were _a virgin.
It's hard for many to live sexually responsible, yet you tried, despite the other stuff, and I know you meant well in your heart.

Know many Christian women do more before marriage.... so you did well...

EDITED IN:
If you and I met and dated in our early-mid 20s, I wouldn't have any problem with your "experience," though I wanted *"a godly, Christian virgin woman...."*
Now realize a woman can be the first two without being the third....

Even if you weren't a virgin, wouldn't have been a real problem, unless you'd had a lot of sex with a lot of different guys. 
At that age, it'd really be my "problem" anyway....


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## Dar-li (Mar 14, 2012)

Is very old style to wait the marriage day without sex, you must do with many partners sex without penetration...is for your good health and beauty!


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

SimplyAmorous said:


> Ok, I get what you are saying now.... I do....
> 
> it doesn't even mean that YOU or your wife was THIS pure.... just that you view the term as "*untouched*" in every single way. I guess one could call those of us who fooled around pleasurably - but waited for intercourse as Dirty and Tainted.
> 
> I struggled my whole youth feeling like God was judging me anyway, so very true... I WAS *dirty minded *& I wanted nothing more than to get a little "dirty" with my boyfriend.


Hey, I have no issue with that.
I wouldn't "think less" of a Christian girl who'd done that.

I couldn't because I'd done that kind of thing with some Christian virgins too.

Only thing is, now I wish I'd gone farther, made my moves & just went in...


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## Clarence Rutherford (Feb 13, 2011)

Dar-li said:


> Is very old style to wait the marriage day without sex, you must do with many partners sex without penetration...is for your good health and beauty!


Yes, I did a lot of "everything...but"... heavy amounts of mutual oral and thrusting until...
Of course, I wanted the penetration.
I now wish I'd moved it in that direction.

By that stage, I can't see how a Christian woman would necessarily think it's "wrong," given all we'd done up to that point..


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## larry.gray (Feb 21, 2011)

Yes, you are a virgin.

I also think you should come clean about what you have done if it matters to him. This isn't something that he should find out about down the road. Lying by omission is a bad way to start a marriage.


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## tryingtobebetter (Aug 6, 2012)

Well, this is an old thread.

But as it is here, readers might like to know the French have a concept called a 'demi-vierge' or half-virgin.

Don't know what you have to do to qualify.


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## MyHappyPlace (Aug 11, 2013)

Hope1964 said:


> So if I kissed your brain we'd be having sex??


This would make you a very bad neurosurgeon or a necrophiliac... those would be the only options for you to have physical access to my brain.

Just saying.


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

Hope1964 said:


> So if I kissed your brain we'd be having sex??


no, I think the medical term is a "Lickbotomy"


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## ConanHub (Aug 9, 2013)

I think "sexual compatibility" is something worked at the same as any aspect of relationships. Any two humans can develop great sexual prowess with each other through communication, LOVE, experimenting,(with each other), trust, and simply putting time into it! After all practice makes perfect!


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## Wing Man (Jun 8, 2012)

Until the actual hymen is broken through on a woman then you are still a virgin 100%.


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## JimmyJones (Aug 21, 2013)

Technically you are a virgin. If a man hasn't used his penis inside your vagina and broken your hymen (google it) - you're a virgin. Even if a man penetrates you and somehow doesn't break your hymen, you would still be a virgin. but this would be pretty impossible unless he had a very tiny penis, say a Thai guy or something.
Physically your hymen should still then be in place (you will know this, it's fairly obvious when this 'breaks'). If you have used other means of penetration to satisfy yourself, fingers, vibrator etc then physically you will not show signs of being a virgin. Sometimes it can break of it's own accord, heavy periods, sport etc so even that is not important.
Point is if you tell your new man you are a virgin and you have penetrative sex, he will feel the hymen if it is there and it will break during intercourse. And it will be clear you are a virgin. if the hymen isn't there and it bothers him enough to dispute if you are a virgin you may have to be clued up to explain that you do satisfy yourself or you do sport etc. But unless he's a prat, 'you said you were a virgin, you liar!' then i don't think it will be an issue. 

My point is, i raise this just so you are aware of it. But I don't think you should worry.


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## LonelyinLove (Jul 11, 2013)

bondraju said:


> Actually sir i am from india..in this country virginity matters..i know that my future hubby is open minded but still i wanna give him my everything...and fortunately he is also a 25 yr old virgin...


Congratulations on your future marriage!


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