# New and husband texted an escort



## GooGooCluster

Hello everyone!
My husband and I have been married for 14 years. We have three kids together and I have one from previous marriage. We usually go to bed around 9 or 10, this part matters.
Husband works about an hour away from home, so if bad weather is forecast he stays at a hotel by his work. Back in late Jan a storm was coming so he booked three nights, Sat-Mon nights. On Monday night he calls me at 11:15pm just to see what I’m doing. I’m sleeping so I say that and we say I love you’s and goodnight. At 1:00am I wake up and literally sat straight up and had a gut feeling something was up due to him calling as late as he did. It wasn’t late but for our usual schedule it was late.
So I go to AT&T website and log on and look at the phone log. Beginning at 11:18pm he began texting a number. It happened back and forth 212 times, I counted a few days later. Anyway I google the number and it is linked to an escort. The page had a bunch of women saying what they’ll do and their numbers, every number is different (so I’m not sure if it’s a service with multiple girls or a site for individual girls if there is such a thing).
I call him at 1:25 and ask who he’s talking to even though I knew. He denies and says he’s sleeping, I’m crazy, what tf is wrong with me, blah blah blah. The texts stopped after I called him but she texted him the next morning at 8am or so, and the morning after that around the same time. If I remember correctly she texted him four times in following days and he didn’t reply.
So that morning I call him and he’s still in denial mode. FINALLY around noon he admitted it, said he was embarrassed to tell me, he’s so sorry and he loves me and our family. The usual things one says I’m assuming. I told him he needed to stay at a hotel again because I need to be away from him. Next day he comes home and I was crying then yelling then calm and circle back around to crying, it was a cycle.
So Thursday I tell him I need to see his phone and I want to see bank statements and his CashApp account. He screen shots both but only three transactions for each. According to those he sent the escort $50, which doesn’t seem right for 200+ texts, plus there were two picture messages that night one from her and one from him.
So I go pick him up from work (he doesn’t drive) and say hand your phone over. Guess who’s “lost” his phone? Told him he needs to find a marriage counselor and needs to find a way to get me into the bank statement (not my account).
More stuff happens after that, but overall I feel like we got along better than we had in a long time. But I’m waiting for him to do something. Call a marriage counselor. Get me a bank statement. Something. 
Today I tell him it’s been six weeks and while I’m willing to forgive I need him to do more to help me get over the trauma. It’s been six weeks worth of days for him to do the heavy lifting of his screw up. I’m at home all day taking care of homeschooling the kids (Covid), and I wasn’t the one who texted an escort.
So my questions are, what are the chances he legit lost his phone? I’m thinking very slim. What are the chances he paid more than $50? I’m fairly sure it was all sexting but is she going to be cool with only $50 for two hours? And it seems she has texted him after that night because he paid more than $50, otherwise why keep trying to contact him?
I’m sure I’ve left a lot out, so assuming anyone replies if there are questions ask away.


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## happyhusband0005

No experience with escorts but it could be a thing where she's texting with a bunch of different guys for 50 each. Kind of like some cam girl site. But him conveniently losing his phone makes it all the more sketchy. Maybe this is a case for a lie detector appointment.


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## Trident

I can't wrap my head around why you'd ask him for his phone? I mean, you already know what calls he's making, and he knows who he's calling so what else is there to gain from looking at his phone? So he knows that you know that he knows that you know?


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## GooGooCluster

Trident said:


> I can't wrap my head around why you'd ask him for his phone? I mean, you already know what calls he's making, and he knows who he's calling so what else is there to gain from looking at his phone? So he knows that you know that he knows that you know?


Because I wanted to see the apps for the bank and for the CashApp card he uses. He got that for when he’s working and they all buy lunch, some days he transfers money to the people at work to pay for his food. I didn’t even think of it before that day he supposedly lost his phone.


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## GooGooCluster

happyhusband0005 said:


> No experience with escorts but it could be a thing where she's texting with a bunch of different guys for 50 each. Kind of like some cam girl site. But him conveniently losing his phone makes it all the more sketchy. Maybe this is a case for a lie detector appointment.


I’ve been on this site all day and saw so many people talking about that. Never even occurred to me to do that as it’s got that “You ARE the father” feel, but I think you’re right. I’m going to see if there’s one around, and I’m near DC so there’s bound to be some. Thank you


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## lifeistooshort

What good is a mc? All its going to do is give him an opportunity to lie, ********, and blameshift. He'll discover that he's got childhood trauma and sex addiction.

The fact is you've got guy who calls hookers. He probably does love you and the kids but he still calls hookers. That's who he is.

You already know he's still lying....that's why he ""lost" his phone.

You offered forgiveness for basically nothing. You want a shot to save your marriage? Drop the hammer and file for divorce.

You can always stop it later but this guy needs some hard consequences. Let him think he's going to be divorced and waiting for hookers. That may shock him.

And stop driving him anywhere. He can spend his hooker money on driving lessons.


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## DownByTheRiver

He didn't lose his phone.. but if it becomes a legal reason to need to do so, records of some things off his phone can be obtained via subpoena. He's very likely been doing this for a long time. That's what he doesn't want you to know. He's communicating with escorts and then he's having one of them meet him at his hotel.


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## GC1234

My ex has hooked up with escorts, as have many of his friends. They paid whatever money to have sex with porn stars. Your husband is definitely into some shady ish for sure. Either way, he's wrong, he's TALKING TO AN ESCORT at the very least, but I imagine he's looking for a hookup. This is a huge problem, and he got busted big time. Good for you for going with your gut. 

Don't give up searching.


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## Manner1067

I think you are focusing too much on the technical details regarding his infidelity. You know the following: that he contacted escorts via text and voice many times and lied about it.

And it is highly probable that he met up with one or more of these escorts at the hotel

Likewise, when confronted, he lied to your face until it became impossible to hide

All of this is academic

You now need to do the following

1. Find out the rest of the story if you can
2. Determine WHY your husband is off seeing escorts: he clearly isn't looking for love or companionship --he is looking for sex and excitement. Now it could be that he is narcissistic and hedonistic. But it could also be more than that. How is the sex life at home? How is your relationship? Do you have a deep, meaningful connection? Or are you occupied with the kids and ignoring him?

A lot of men don't like confrontation with their wives, and "go along with the program". Instead of sticking up for themselves, complaining, or trying to improve their home life, they simply retreat into themselves, become resentful, and ultimately start sneaking around. It is a cowardly thing to do, and you should determine if this is what is happening.

The best case scenario here is that he didn't have physical contact with these women--that it was phone sex. You can rebuild from that by fixing the marriage.

It is going to take complete honesty on both sides and a change of behavior. You have to stress to him that cheating on you is cheating on the family


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## GooGooCluster

lifeistooshort said:


> What good is a mc? All its going to do is give him an opportunity to lie, ******, and blameshift. He'll discover that he's got childhood trauma and sex addiction.
> 
> The fact is you've got guy who calls hookers. He probably does love you and the kids but he still calls hookers. That's who he is.
> 
> You already know he's still lying....that's why he ""lost" his phone.
> 
> You offered forgiveness for basically nothing. You want a shot to save your marriage? Drop the hammer and file for divorce.
> 
> You can always stop it later but this guy needs some hard consequences. Let him think he's going to be divorced and waiting for hookers. That may shock him.
> 
> And stop driving him anywhere. He can spend his hooker money on driving lessons.


I can’t stop driving him, he lost his license two years ago because he was a drunk. Went to rehab and hasn’t had any alcohol since 2019. I know what you’re saying is right, too. Deep down I know but holy ****e it’s devastating.


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## GooGooCluster

Manner1067 said:


> I think you are focusing too much on the technical details regarding his infidelity. You know the following: that he contacted escorts via text and voice many times and lied about it.
> 
> And it is highly probable that he met up with one or more of these escorts at the hotel
> 
> Likewise, when confronted, he lied to your face until it became impossible to hide
> 
> All of this is academic
> 
> You now need to do the following
> 
> 1. Find out the rest of the story if you can
> 2. Determine WHY your husband is off seeing escorts: he clearly isn't looking for love or companionship --he is looking for sex and excitement. Now it could be that he is narcissistic and hedonistic. But it could also be more than that. How is the sex life at home? How is your relationship? Do you have a deep, meaningful connection? Or are you occupied with the kids and ignoring him?
> 
> A lot of men don't like confrontation with their wives, and "go along with the program". Instead of sticking up for themselves, complaining, or trying to improve their home life, they simply retreat into themselves, become resentful, and ultimately start sneaking around. It is a cowardly thing to do, and you should determine if this is what is happening.
> 
> The best case scenario here is that he didn't have physical contact with these women--that it was phone sex. You can rebuild from that by fixing the marriage.
> 
> It is going to take complete honesty on both sides and a change of behavior. You have to stress to him that cheating on you is cheating on the family


Sex life is pretty bad honestly. I fully acknowledge that that part of it is on me and him both. We didn’t even sleep in the same room for about three years. At first because of the youngest when she was a baby, then because I couldn’t stand the smell of alcohol that seeped from his pores. There’s definitely been a lot of resentment and (just my opinion) I’ve been more forgiving of his mess ups than he deserves.
I’ve decided that tomorrow I’m calling a lawyer to get a consultation to see what my options are right now. I stay home since March, one of our kids has autism and can’t be without an adult in the house, which is me. So I may need to stay until at least a vaccine is available for kids.
Y’all are great, thanks for not telling me “it’ll be okay”, I hate that. I truly appreciate it from all of you.


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## Manner1067

GooGooCluster said:


> Sex life is pretty bad honestly. I fully acknowledge that that part of it is on me and him both. We didn’t even sleep in the same room for about three years. At first because of the youngest when she was a baby, then because I couldn’t stand the smell of alcohol that seeped from his pores. There’s definitely been a lot of resentment and (just my opinion) I’ve been more forgiving of his mess ups than he deserves.
> I’ve decided that tomorrow I’m calling a lawyer to get a consultation to see what my options are right now. I stay home since March, one of our kids has autism and can’t be without an adult in the house, which is me. So I may need to stay until at least a vaccine is available for kids.
> Y’all are great, thanks for not telling me “it’ll be okay”, I hate that. I truly appreciate it from all of you.


OK, more to the story here

I have two kids, and in neither case did my wife and I start sleeping in separate bedrooms and not having sex for three years after one was born --that is just crazy

His drinking is also an issue --is one of the reasons he stays out in hotels so he can drink alone in peace?

and is he drinking because his marriage was failing and he had no intimacy with his wife?

don't take this the wrong way, but you absolutely cannot blow off your spouse for three years, give him next to no affection, and then expect things to work out. Now I am not saying he isn't to blame there either, but you were taking him for granted and putting in next to no effort. Many guys in a situation like that would cheat, or even ask for an open marriage. I would have been out the door after 6 months of that.

For the sake of your special needs child, you should try to get to the bottom of all this and fix it


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## lifeistooshort

GooGooCluster said:


> I can’t stop driving him, he lost his license two years ago because he was a drunk. Went to rehab and hasn’t had any alcohol since 2019. I know what you’re saying is right, too. Deep down I know but holy ****e it’s devastating.


I understand. It takes a bit to process that your marriage is over.

I remember when I first found the messages between my ex and his ex gf....I knew in my gut the marriage was over but it took me over a year to file.

I dragged my ex to mc, which he initially fought and then agreed to shut me up. He participated minimally and lied to the counselor. MC is for when you have communication problems or behaviors that can be improved, but it can't change a person's character. Your guy, like my ex, is fundamentally dishonest and untrustworthy.

And as downbytheriver pointed out it's unlikely this is his first time. It's the first one you've caught. You've now become the marriage police and when that happens it's usually over, especially since yours has already lied.

It's understandable that you need time to process this. If you're like me you'll struggle and then one day you'll wake up and realize you're done.

We're all here for support.


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## Beach123

He’s not a guy to trust! Why did you forgive so easily? Hell, he didn’t even give you anything close to the truth - you had to go searching! 😡
And then he manipulates you even further by “losing” his phone? And THEN he disrespects you by not showing you his bank statement?
The guy cheated? He disrespected you and the marriage!
You are married to a liar and a cheat!
Now he avoids giving you info you need for six more weeks? Honet, you are a fool! And no wonder you’re getting along “so good now” - he’s just grateful you are such a gullible gal.

stop being his fool! He’s not a good husband and should be out on his @ss wondering how to find shelter.

I’d be questioning everything about ever speaking to him again!


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## Beach123

GooGooCluster said:


> I can’t stop driving him, he lost his license two years ago because he was a drunk. Went to rehab and hasn’t had any alcohol since 2019. I know what you’re saying is right, too. Deep down I know but holy ****e it’s devastating.


What? Why are you helping him be such a jerk!
The guy needs to grow the F up!


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## DownByTheRiver

Manner1067 said:


> I think you are focusing too much on the technical details regarding his infidelity. You know the following: that he contacted escorts via text and voice many times and lied about it.
> 
> And it is highly probable that he met up with one or more of these escorts at the hotel
> 
> Likewise, when confronted, he lied to your face until it became impossible to hide
> 
> All of this is academic
> 
> You now need to do the following
> 
> 1. Find out the rest of the story if you can
> 2. Determine WHY your husband is off seeing escorts: he clearly isn't looking for love or companionship --he is looking for sex and excitement. Now it could be that he is narcissistic and hedonistic. But it could also be more than that. How is the sex life at home? How is your relationship? Do you have a deep, meaningful connection? Or are you occupied with the kids and ignoring him?
> 
> A lot of men don't like confrontation with their wives, and "go along with the program". Instead of sticking up for themselves, complaining, or trying to improve their home life, they simply retreat into themselves, become resentful, and ultimately start sneaking around. It is a cowardly thing to do, and you should determine if this is what is happening.
> 
> The best case scenario here is that he didn't have physical contact with these women--that it was phone sex. You can rebuild from that by fixing the marriage.
> 
> It is going to take complete honesty on both sides and a change of behavior. You have to stress to him that cheating on you is cheating on the family


Well he sure shot any chance he had of getting more and better sex at home now. Some people still have some self-respect.


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## Beach123

If he was sober and actually working a program that encouraged him to set things right (amends) your marriage would look completely opposite of your first post.
Instead he’s still looking like a sneaky guy who is lying, cheating and hiding info from you.
He would also be figuring out how to drive again. Many people on a restricted license can drive to and from work if they ask the dmv for permission. Instead - he makes it YOUR PROBLEM that he can’t drive? Why can’t he man up and UBER? If he can pay for escorts - he could pay for an Uber.


he’s not any different than when he was drinking. Don’t assume he’s been sober. He lies and cheats! That’s not a man in recovery! File for divorce since he isn’t OFFERING you peace of mind on a silver platter!


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## frusdil

lifeistooshort said:


> What good is a mc? All its going to do is give him an opportunity to lie, ******, and blameshift. He'll discover that he's got childhood trauma and sex addiction.
> 
> The fact is you've got guy who calls hookers. He probably does love you and the kids but he still calls hookers. That's who he is.
> 
> You already know he's still lying....that's why he ""lost" his phone.
> 
> You offered forgiveness for basically nothing. You want a shot to save your marriage? Drop the hammer and file for divorce.
> 
> You can always stop it later but this guy needs some hard consequences. Let him think he's going to be divorced and waiting for hookers. That may shock him.
> 
> And stop driving him anywhere. He can spend his hooker money on driving lessons.


^^QFT. As usual, @lifeistooshort is bang on.



GooGooCluster said:


> I can’t stop driving him, he lost his license two years ago because he was a drunk. Went to rehab and hasn’t had any alcohol since 2019. I know what you’re saying is right, too. Deep down I know but holy ****e it’s devastating.


Well, he can get public transport then. Actions have consequences.


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## GooGooCluster

So last night I told him I need to see the bank statement today no matter what. I’ve been patient and not pressed him on it, which looking back was so dumb of me. We are never alone really and he loses his temper which is what happened, he stood up and grabbed a can of Coke and threw it into the other room while yelling at me. When he fell to sleep it was like a movie, I took the kids and left. I’m at my inlaws right now, haven’t slept which is starting to catch up with me. Going back and forth between crying and being pissed.
I don’t know how he will get to work and realize I never messed up and got DUI’s, he did so it’s his problem. Maybe he will call an Uber, which he had to do once and it was $75 one way. Not my problem anymore.
My inlaws are fantastic people thank God. My MIL has told me for about two years that anything I need they’re behind me, they’re finished trying to help him. We live in MD and I’m from TN, my entire family is there, so I can’t just go home with the kids. I’m hoping that I can get an emergency custody order that allows me to go home with them.
I’ve been so f’ing BLIND. He’s shown me who he is and I haven’t wanted to believe it. Things were great for over ten years and I kept hoping that that would come back but it’s never coming back. That’s hard to accept isn’t it? People change of course, but while I feel I’ve grown, he’s regressed. Maybe it’s an early mid life crisis, who knows. Again thanks to everyone for telling me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. It’s painful beyond belief but I’m going to take baby steps and the kids and I will be okay in the end, there’s no other option than to be okay.


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## GooGooCluster

Beach123 said:


> If he was sober and actually working a program that encouraged him to set things right (amends) your marriage would look completely opposite of your first post.
> Instead he’s still looking like a sneaky guy who is lying, cheating and hiding info from you.
> He would also be figuring out how to drive again. Many people on a restricted license can drive to and from work if they ask the dmv for permission. Instead - he makes it YOUR PROBLEM that he can’t drive? Why can’t he man up and UBER? If he can pay for escorts - he could pay for an Uber.
> 
> 
> he’s not any different than when he was drinking. Don’t assume he’s been sober. He lies and cheats! That’s not a man in recovery! File for divorce since he isn’t OFFERING you peace of mind on a silver platter!


I don’t have Facebook, he does, so I figured out his password and looked from that night. You’re absolutely correct, he was at a restaurant and posted a picture of his food and a Bloody Mary. Don’t know how many he had, but even one is too many. So you’re spot on.


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## lifeistooshort

I'm pretty sure you can take them to TN unless there's a court order forbidding it.

You're their mother. He can also take them anywhere as their father. Its on him to go to court and force you to bring them back.


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## GooGooCluster

lifeistooshort said:


> I'm pretty sure you can take them to TN unless there's a court order forbidding it.
> 
> You're their mother. He can also take them anywhere as their father. Its on him to go to court and force you to bring them back.


I’ll find out today about that. I have heard that that is considered kidnapping, but maybe that’s for when there is a custody order. My mom kidnapped me from my dad when I was 12 and we had to go to court. Back then the courts almost always sided with the mother, no matter what the kid or the dad wanted. That was traumatic for me and I won’t do anything to put my kids in that position, although things have definitely changed in the decades since that happened.


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## lifeistooshort

GooGooCluster said:


> I’ll find out today about that. I have heard that that is considered kidnapping, but maybe that’s for when there is a custody order. My mom kidnapped me from my dad when I was 12 and we had to go to court. Back then the courts almost always sided with the mother, no matter what the kid or the dad wanted. That was traumatic for me and I won’t do anything to put my kids in that position, although things have definitely changed in the decades since that happened.


Understood. I do think that applies when there's a custody order and even then unless you're forbidden from taking them out of state you can at least go to visit. Otherwise nobody could visit out of state relatives without fighting with the other parent.

But definitely get legal advice. We always say here that while many of us have experienced the same things we are not lawyers, and even if we were we can't give legal advice here.


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## ConanHub

lifeistooshort said:


> And stop driving him anywhere. He can spend his hooker money on driving lessons.


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## lifeistooshort

ConanHub said:


> View attachment 74464


Ha ha....now that she's clarified that it's not that he cannot drive, it's that he got a DUI and lost his license, I'm changing my recommendation to him using his hooker money to buy a bike.

Bike riding is great!


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## happyhusband0005

GooGooCluster said:


> I’ll find out today about that. I have heard that that is considered kidnapping, but maybe that’s for when there is a custody order. My mom kidnapped me from my dad when I was 12 and we had to go to court. Back then the courts almost always sided with the mother, no matter what the kid or the dad wanted. That was traumatic for me and I won’t do anything to put my kids in that position, although things have definitely changed in the decades since that happened.


I'm going to recommend you get an STD test. My guess is your husband has been seeing hookers for a while, with the setup of him staying away from home at hotels I'd bet he has been getting a hooker often on the nights he's at the hotel.

Expect him to flip out. He is going to have to disclose all financial info in the divorce so you will be seeing the bank statements he has refused to show you. Be prepared to be shocked, you are probably going to find a lot of fairly large cash withdrawals that coincide with his nights away if not cash you will see cashapp or venmo charges. Pull a credit report on him to see if there are debts/credit cards you are not aware of also. Get with a lawyer ASAP.


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## Anastasia6

Ditto you need to speak with a lawyer today. He obviously hides his money and you have no idea what should be in the account. You need a lawyer there are rules that apply when there is an official separation. You need to know what those are and get them in place. They will often mean that if he moves money at the date of separation he will be liable for that amount.

You should never be in a marriage that you don't have access to money and account information that is a big red flag for both controlling behavior and other untoward behavior like hookers.

The lawyer would also be able to tell you if removing the kids from the state will get you in trouble. I think they would also advise you to call the cops about the throwing of the glass to get the threatening behavior recorded.


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## MJJEAN

happyhusband0005 said:


> Expect him to flip out. He is going to have to disclose all financial info in the divorce so you will be seeing the bank statements he has refused to show you. Be prepared to be shocked, you are probably going to find a lot of fairly large cash withdrawals that coincide with his nights away if not cash you will see cashapp or venmo charges. Pull a credit report on him to see if there are debts/credit cards you are not aware of also. Get with a lawyer ASAP.


So much this.

Also, since it's been mentioned, you could tell your husband he has 2 choices. 1) He logs onto his cash app, bank accounts, and credit cards and you are free to check his expenses for the last 12 months or 2) You file for divorce and your lawyer subpoenas the financials and they become a matter of court record.

Then file you file because you know damn well he's not going to let you see the records unsupervised or you're going to see them and see he's been drinking and paying hookers when he's at hotels or you're away.


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## Beach123

MJJEAN said:


> So much this.
> 
> Also, since it's been mentioned, you could tell your husband he has 2 choices. 1) He logs onto his cash app, bank accounts, and credit cards and you are free to check his expenses for the last 12 months or 2) You file for divorce and your lawyer subpoenas the financials and they become a matter of court record.
> 
> Then file you file because you know damn well he's not going to let you see the records unsupervised or you're going to see them and see he's been drinking and paying hookers when he's at hotels or you're away.


why would she stay with him at this point? Did you read the rest of her posts?

file for divorce and let HIM figure out how to become an adult who earns trust with others. He also needs to learn how to stay sober and manage his money - he will need to move close to where he works since he can’t drive because he got a DUI.

be done with HIS issues. HE can handle them himself now.
Make sure the judge awards you regular money ASAP and it comes directly from the company so you don’t rely on him paying it to you.


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## DownByTheRiver

GooGooCluster said:


> So last night I told him I need to see the bank statement today no matter what. I’ve been patient and not pressed him on it, which looking back was so dumb of me. We are never alone really and he loses his temper which is what happened, he stood up and grabbed a can of Coke and threw it into the other room while yelling at me. When he fell to sleep it was like a movie, I took the kids and left. I’m at my inlaws right now, haven’t slept which is starting to catch up with me. Going back and forth between crying and being pissed.
> I don’t know how he will get to work and realize I never messed up and got DUI’s, he did so it’s his problem. Maybe he will call an Uber, which he had to do once and it was $75 one way. Not my problem anymore.
> My inlaws are fantastic people thank God. My MIL has told me for about two years that anything I need they’re behind me, they’re finished trying to help him. We live in MD and I’m from TN, my entire family is there, so I can’t just go home with the kids. I’m hoping that I can get an emergency custody order that allows me to go home with them.
> I’ve been so f’ing BLIND. He’s shown me who he is and I haven’t wanted to believe it. Things were great for over ten years and I kept hoping that that would come back but it’s never coming back. That’s hard to accept isn’t it? People change of course, but while I feel I’ve grown, he’s regressed. Maybe it’s an early mid life crisis, who knows. Again thanks to everyone for telling me what I needed to hear, not what I wanted to hear. It’s painful beyond belief but I’m going to take baby steps and the kids and I will be okay in the end, there’s no other option than to be okay.


Your next call should be to a family attorney who can keep you from making mistakes here.


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## GooGooCluster

I have a consult scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, for me that progress. I can’t believe I went through with calling to be honest. It’s a very finite feeling if that makes sense, like I’ve acknowledged out loud it’s over.
Some have mentioned other times he’s stayed in a hotel. He’s done it once before that weekend, and it was a spur of the moment thing because snow began but earlier than anticipated. I don’t think he did anything then, I had the bank card, his work paid for like four rooms because four people were stuck. We have one bank card, which after reading through all of this makes me realize he purposely made me financially dependent on him I think. My own money is tied to a card but that has about $5 left since I stopped working and he “never got around” to ordering another card so we shared. There are just so many things I’ve been willfully ignoring and I personally want to shake the sh*t out of myself.
I love Tennessee but I really need to think hard before moving back. Their schools aren’t as good as schools up here, and for special needs kids? They’re near the bottom of every state in the country. My oldest is in her final year of grad school so I’ll be leaving her, too. So much to consider.
What an idiot I’ve been. Y’all are right, if he were not hiding anything he wouldn’t be trying so hard to hide anything. Too bad I didn’t find this site years ago. A lot of people have told me to stay with him during the drinking phase (3 DUI charges, two convictions) because “he’s got an illness”. My mom told me he would likely kill himself if I wasn’t around to make sure he’s breathing. That’s a LOT to put on someone but his well being isn’t my responsibility. I need to take care of me and my kids in that order.


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## GC1234

GooGooCluster said:


> My mom told me he would likely kill himself if I wasn’t around to make sure he’s breathing. That’s a LOT to put on someone


Ah family trauma bonds. Welcome to the club! I hate that s***. Be the first to break that generational BS. They'll come around eventually and then tell you you were right.


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## DesertRat1978

I could be wrong but it would seem that he has been doing this for quite some time. And if not been doing this for some time, it has been on his mind and he has been considering it. The fact that he is going to such ends to cover his tracks is a dead giveaway IMO. If it is simply playing out of fantasies while he is away, he would not be covering his tracks.


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