# Success on dating app? But need good date ideas.



## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Hello Everyone,

I'm back and I'm still single. But it seems that I'm actually starting to have some success on a dating app that I recently signed up for (Bumble, of all the apps). 

For those who want the TLDR version, I'll cut straight to the point..

I'm trying to come up with creative "first date ideas" and there seem to be lots of different opinions on what makes a good first date. I want to come up with some fun, memorable, and of course avoid anything the cliche dates like "dinner and movie", but more importantly, I don't want to anything that would make a date feel uncomfortable, awkward or unsafe. 
(ie. I recently saw a woman on a Hiking FB page talk about going on a hike as first date, and a lot of people cautioned her that it might not be a wise idea to go hiking with a stranger). 

Now, for more for interesting detailed version.
I finally decided to stop overthinking stuff and got off my ass and signed for a non-Tinder dating app. (fwiw, I signed up for Tinder and managed to get one date last Feb, but she really wasn't my type, and things really died down on the app after that). 
So, I signed up for Bumble. 
For those unfamiliar with Bumble, its' a "Swiping" App thats' unique in the fact tat it actually requires the women to make the first move and message the guy once you have mutually match. 
I had some decent, NEW pics I took in Egypt of me doing fun stuff like riding a camel, hanging out on a white sand isle with beautiful blue ocean in the BG, and some of older pics of me doing "active stuff". 
Before I even had time to fill out my profile, I noticed I had a few "likes". I filled out a few quick "conversation prompt" topics that Bumble conveniently provides and by the end of day I had 18 "Likes".
The following day, I used enough of my limited swipes to match with 14 of my 18 likes.
Of my 14 message, I had 7 of them message me (6 immediately, and one right before the time expired). 50% message rate? I was genuinely shocked since women have a reputation of never wanting to message first and/or don't message most of their matches.
6 of them started with openers like "Hey/Hi", "How are you?" and/or "Good morning". Fair enough, I'm not complaining! the best part is, I'm still having ongoing conversations with all of them.

One of the actually came up with something more creative and asked what was the most recent live event I attended. We started talking about various outdoor activities we enjoyed and she mentioned she really like Golfing, biking, hiking and she had recently started kayaking with her friends and was considering buying a kayak.
I decided this would be a great opportunity to ask her on a date so I responded. 

I know a great place we could Kayaking this Friday evening if you want to come along (and I have a kayak you could borrow}. Will probably grab a bite to eat afterwards as well.
She responded "I can’t this week. I have Pelotonia opening ceremony and then ride first thing Saturday. I could maybe meet up Sunday though"
I suggested 6pm on Sunday evening and she said she would have to drop her son off somewhere at 6pm, but countered with 6:30pm.
We both agreed and I said I would get back to her with details on the location. She said "Sounds Good, I'm headed to bed, Goodnight!"

So, I'm really glad she actually worked with me on coming up with an ideal date time (instead of dismissing the idea and saying she was too busy), but I'm almost wondering if kayaking is a good first date idea? Is it too much? She didn't seem opposed to it, but I also wonder if she may be just going along with it since I suggested it, but it isn't her favorite idea for a first date. 

Some of the conflicting advice I've heard before regarding first dates are things like "You should go somewhere in the afternoon for a quick coffee/lunch at a cafe", "you should do something unique and fun", "You should avoid afternoon dates and do something in the evening"

Anyways, I would like to hear your thoughts. I was considering doing something a little more clean, dry and comfortable on land, but I'm not sure if it would look bad to change my original idea/plan for the date.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

1st dates off apps are really 1st meets. It's a way to assess the person in real life to decide if you want to go on a date. These 1st meets needs to be short, safe, well-lit & inexpensive. Ideally you want to avoid anything that causes the person to have become sweaty so sports dates -- hiking, kayaking, etc are out. Also those tend to be long & require the people to be along together which could be dangerous. 

For these, the cliche of let's meet for a drink or coffee is best. You would be better served scoping out a cool place where you feel comfortable & making that your go to option. 

For the 1st actual date you can try something more unique, like a sporty thing if that is a point of commonality. A walk in the park; a picnic; a visit to a small local museum; sharing a hobby you have in common; playing mini golf; shooting pool; doing a sip & paint all could prove fun. Be authentic.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Thank you, D0nnivain,
I was thinking about that and a few other things.. such as being safe around the water and the extra effort it takes to load/unload a kayak and inflate my inflatable stand-up paddleboard. 
Additionally, I only own ONE life-vest (so, obviously, I would the one not wearing one), my kayak is a bit old and beat-up (but still works), and I would need to go over to my parent's house and clean out all the cobwebs inside as I haven't used it in awhile. 
I guess my only concern is.. am I going to look indecisive or less confident if I switch up date plans? The date is happening Sunday, so I have time to come up with a better idea.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I agree that first "dates" you've arranged through a dating app should probably be thought of as first _meetings_, rather than real dates. I usually suggested either lunch or coffee/drink in the mid-late afternoon. I felt safer in a public place and if there was a connection, we could extend the date longer into the afternoon or evening. If either of us just weren't feeling it, the date could be over after a quick lunch or a cup of coffee. I had several first meetings that ended after one drink. I also had a few that lasted hours longer than planned. 

I'd say don't decisively change your plans for this weekend. But do contact your date ahead of time and say that it's occurred to you that a woman might feel awkward or unsafe being alone with a stranger on a first date, no matter how well you two seem to get along through messaging. Ask if kayaking is really okay or if she'd feel more comfortable with something more public/less remote/whatever. She'll either take the out and suggest coffee or dinner or some such in a public place, or she'll still be up for kayaking. Just let her know that whatever she's comfortable with will be great and that you can't wait to meet her. Keep it light and upbeat. 

Going forward, you might want to pick a public place you like and just ask ladies to meet you there for coffee or a drink or whatever for that initial meeting. There will be some women who simply aren't who you thought they'd be when they arrive for that first date. It's just the nature of online dating. Do you really want to be stuck for hours kayaking with someone you viscerally just do not like at all? Best to leave both you and your prospective date an easy out, especially for a first meeting.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

Top tip/ Do they have a dog? 
If so, walking the dog is great. You are in with their dog, they feel safe, and you are walking side by side with much more physical closeness that a coffee or even a meal woudl provide. There will be periods of silence, but they will not be awkward.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

JukeboxHero said:


> I guess my only concern is.. am I going to look indecisive or less confident if I switch up date plans? The date is happening Sunday, so I have time to come up with a better idea.


Today is Wednesday so you have a bit of time. If you already have this kayaking plan stick with it. Can you invest in a 2nd life jacket or talk to your date & find out if she has her own life jacket? If she has already agreed to go kayaking, go kayaking.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

I agree. You are going to sound flaky if you cancel kayaking now. You have time to get everything ready. Next time with a new date do something like just a meeting.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

I had a few first dates/meetings at the beach. Some worked, some didn’t. If it doesn’t work, you’re not stuck there and you can leave anytime. If it does work, the beach never closes and you can hang out all night under the stars. It can be very romantic and a place to really get to know each other . Also, the price is cheap enough for both parties as a first meet/date.


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## uwe.blab (May 2, 2019)

JukeboxHero said:


> Hello Everyone,
> 
> I'm back and I'm still single. But it seems that I'm actually starting to have some success on a dating app that I recently signed up for (Bumble, of all the apps).
> 
> ...


If you have not met the person in real life, do not do anything beyond coffee/meeting outside somewhere and talking (if covid is an issue). Save the 'creative' stuff for when you know them a little. You will find things are much different in person than in texting or messaging.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Thanks everyone 

For more context, here's the relevant part of the conversation









I feel like she's agreed to kayaking, but at the same time she mentioned "meeting somewhere at 630pm" so it sounds like she might be open to something else? 



Rowan said:


> I agree that first "dates" you've arranged through a dating app should probably be thought of as first _meetings_, rather than real dates. I usually suggested either lunch or coffee/drink in the mid-late afternoon. I felt safer in a public place and if there was a connection, we could extend the date longer into the afternoon or evening. If either of us just weren't feeling it, the date could be over after a quick lunch or a cup of coffee. I had several first meetings that ended after one drink. I also had a few that lasted hours longer than planned.
> 
> I'd say don't decisively change your plans for this weekend. But do contact your date ahead of time and say that it's occurred to you that a woman might feel awkward or unsafe being alone with a stranger on a first date, no matter how well you two seem to get along through messaging. Ask if kayaking is really okay or if she'd feel more comfortable with something more public/less remote/whatever. She'll either take the out and suggest coffee or dinner or some such in a public place, or she'll still be up for kayaking. Just let her know that whatever she's comfortable with will be great and that you can't wait to meet her. Keep it light and upbeat.
> 
> Going forward, you might want to pick a public place you like and just ask ladies to meet you there for coffee or a drink or whatever for that initial meeting. There will be some women who simply aren't who you thought they'd be when they arrive for that first date. It's just the nature of online dating. Do you really want to be stuck for hours kayaking with someone you viscerally just do not like at all? Best to leave both you and your prospective date an easy out, especially for a first meeting.


Thanks, I agree with your assessment of first dates/meetings.. it makes a lot of sense.

I was actually thinking that your idea sounded great, and I came up with a good way to ask (listed below), though now I am concerned about sounding Flakey, as Livvie and D0nnievian mentioned...



Livvie said:


> I agree. You are going to sound flaky if you cancel kayaking now. You have time to get everything ready. Next time with a new date do something like just a meeting.


Do you think it would sound flaky if I said something like "Hey Date, I just wanted to confirm you feel comfortable kayaking as our first date. If you do, awesome! If not, I'm more than happy to meet at X and grab a snack and then I figured we could walk around y and perhaps save Kayaking for a later time? Again, I just wanted to make sure you felt safe and comfortable doing this."


What do you guys think of saying something along those lines?


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## Hoosier (May 17, 2011)

The first date should be a meet up. Determine if you are compatible and THEN have a real date. When I was dating I did a lot of first dates. I found that meeting them in person for twenty minutes equaled about 12 hours of talking on the phone, as far as determining compatability. Not a bad idea to have something in mind to do if the meet up goes well, but dont start out with it.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

JukeboxHero said:


> Thanks everyone
> 
> For more context, here's the relevant part of the conversation
> View attachment 77260
> ...


Ignore everyone and do what you are doing.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

Keep any meeting short the first time, then if you clearly don't click it's not embarrassing.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

JukeboxHero said:


> Thanks everyone
> 
> For more context, here's the relevant part of the conversation
> View attachment 77260



I don't know I read it as she would love to go kayaking but can't this weekend. But she does want to meet you and she can at 6.30 Sunday. Not to Kayak but to do something. So you don't have to worry about kayaking. I would say how about a drink at XXXXX at 6.30? Then if you hit it off plan the Kayaking trip together during the date.


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## D0nnivain (Mar 13, 2021)

JukeboxHero said:


> Do you think it would sound flaky if I said something like "Hey Date, I just wanted to confirm you feel comfortable kayaking as our first date. If you do, awesome! If not, I'm more than happy to meet at X and grab a snack and then I figured we could walk around y and perhaps save Kayaking for a later time? Again, I just wanted to make sure you felt safe and comfortable doing this."
> 
> What do you guys think of saying something along those lines?


I don't hate it


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Mr The Other said:


> Ignore everyone and do what you are doing.


Thanks you, @Mr The Other, I appreciate that, though I'm not not sure exactly what you mean. Are you saying I should just go with my gut (in general) and not ask for opinions? OR are you saying tha you think I'm doing quite well in this particular instance?



m.t.t said:


> I don't know I read it as she would love to go kayaking but can't this weekend. But she does want to meet you and she can at 6.30 Sunday. Not to Kayak but to do something. So you don't have to worry about kayaking. I would say how about a drink at XXXXX at 6.30? Then if you hit it off plan the Kayaking trip together during the date.


I agree. I feel like maybe she's agreeing, but its' also possible she just wants to meet me somewhere. I think I've made up my mind as what I'm going to do. I'm not going to "cancel" the kayak plan, but I will post something similar to what I wrote above.


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## Mr The Other (Feb 1, 2014)

JukeboxHero said:


> Thanks you, @Mr The Other, I appreciate that, though I'm not not sure exactly what you mean. Are you saying I should just go with my gut (in general) and not ask for opinions? OR are you saying tha you think I'm doing quite well in this particular instance?
> 
> 
> 
> I agree. I feel like maybe she's agreeing, but its' also possible she just wants to meet me somewhere. I think I've made up my mind as what I'm going to do. I'm not going to "cancel" the kayak plan, but I will post something similar to what I wrote above.


I mean the conversation is going well


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Hands down best dating app without doubt: facebook dating thing. 
I had to get off it because there’s too many good looking women on there that I’m like a kid in a candy store. Women don’t seem to mind sending the first like there, either.
Don’t put thought into a first meet. If you are compatible, you could go shovel pooo and it will turn out great. If you’re not, you could be will smith in the dating coach movie abd think every step out flawlessly, and it wouldn’t happen. 

my suggestion: bargain from a position of overstock. Don’t get set on one. Wait until you find one that knocks your socks off before being exclusive.
Women have hundreds of offers online daily. They pick the best. You pick the best for you too. They ghost you and move to the next best thing until they find one they can’t live without. 
they’re picking from a position of plenty. Do the same.
If you know you can find another attractive woman tomorrow, you will act more like you normally do. That is what you need. You want the woman to fall for who you really are, not who you think you should be.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> Hands down best dating app without doubt: facebook dating thing.
> I had to get off it because there’s too many good looking women on there that I’m like a kid in a candy store. Women don’t seem to mind sending the first like there, either.
> Don’t put thought into a first meet. If you are compatible, you could go shovel pooo and it will turn out great. If you’re not, you could be will smith in the dating coach movie abd think every step out flawlessly, and it wouldn’t happen.
> 
> ...


Thanks Evinrude,

I like this advice and it's kinda funny you would mention "bargaining from a position of overstock". Prior to this, I never felt like I had many options (aka Overstock).
I joined OKC back in 2017 and Tinder in late 2020. OKC I worked hard attempting to create a good profile and answer all their questions. I probably scored 5-6 dates, only 2 of which led to 2nd dates. Most of the time, I didn't feel that attracted to them after meeting them...They never really looked quite as good as their profile, with the exception of one, who was actually hella hotter than her profile pic (I actually almost got laid with her, we had 3 dates, and the last 2 ended with us taking most of our clothes off..but that's a story for another time).
Tinder brought me one date and a few convos that never went anywhere.

Bumble on the other hand. I've been on for less than a week and I'm currently chatting with at least 10 different women (I had a few matches that never message me and dropped after 24 hours, but I feel like I've got at least a 50% hit rate my matches starting a conversation/message me) granted most are average-ish in looks, some with a few extra lbs, some have a few years on me. But they also seem worth meeting at least once. I've got dates set with 2 of them and I'm trying decide how I'm going to pace myself and which ones I should ask out next, lol.

Also, for an update on the convo, I think it's going great and this girl seems really eager to meet me.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I advise talking to a woman on the phone as fast as possible and seeing how the conversation goes. When you find a good match on the phone, go meet up and see fast. If you don’t really, really want to have a date after, don’t even pursue it. If they aren’t showing big interest after the meet, don’t pursue it. Never give your number and ask if they’d like to talk. Flat out ask for their number. If they don’t give it, move on, they’re not interested. Ladies have ways of giving a number to communicate without exposing themselves. 
Know that they are always talking to other men, and most people like attention, especially women. So if they aren’t all in with you, they are still playing the field. Never Bring up exclusivity. If they like you and aren’t attention whores, they will bring it up first. 
if you chase women, they 99% if the time will run. They like to chase. They’re lying if they say they’re not. They will chase if they have a man they really like. So don’t chase too hard.
Everyone gets ghosted. Don’t let it bother you.
Don’t date women more than 6 years younger or older. They can both be really tempting outside that range, but long term, you or they will just get hurt feelings. I personally find no more than 2 years older and no more than 4 years younger is usually where I find to be a good range.


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## m.t.t (Oct 5, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Never Bring up exclusivity. If they like you and aren’t attention whores, they will bring it up first.
> if you chase women, they 99% if the time will run. They like to chase. They’re lying if they say they’re not. They will chase if they have a man they really like. So don’t chase too hard.


What? This is not good advice. 

The women you are talking about are the anxious ones, needy and anxious, you don't want that. You want to find a mutual balanced connection.


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## frenchpaddy (May 31, 2021)

how many people multi date from apps , it seems to be the norm to have many irons in the fire ,

many seem to keep on swiping looking for the next best thing on dating apps 
the idea behind the apps is very good just they can be abused ,


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## Lila (May 30, 2014)

@JukeboxHero did you settle on a location/date/and time? The thing I'm not seeing in your messages is solid plans. She's told you she's open to meeting you anywhere. I think you need to just be proactive and assertive. 

You:. Found a great place to meet for {drinks, coffee, ice cream, whatever}. Name of place, address. See you there at 6:30 pm Sunday. 

You may want to link the Yelp or website for the place so she can see it. If she has an issue with it, she can tell you. 




frenchpaddy said:


> how many people multi date from apps , it seems to be the norm to have many irons in the fire ,
> 
> many seem to keep on swiping looking for the next best thing on dating apps
> the idea behind the apps is very good just they can be abused ,


Yes on the multi dating and yes on the swiping for the next best thing. It's all part of the online dating experience.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

frenchpaddy said:


> how many people multi date from apps , it seems to be the norm to have many irons in the fire ,
> 
> many seem to keep on swiping looking for the next best thing on dating apps
> the idea behind the apps is very good just they can be abused ,


I think it depends on what you mean by "multi-dating"

If you're talking to 10 matches on a dating app, do you only ask one out on a date and then decide if you want to keep seeing that person or move on? Do you ignore all the other matches (or just chat with them?) I mean, right now I'm at the stage of simply meeting a given number of my matches for the FIRST time. 




Lila said:


> @JukeboxHero did you settle on a location/date/and time? The thing I'm not seeing in your messages is solid plans. She's told you she's open to meeting you anywhere. I think you need to just be proactive and assertive.
> 
> You:. Found a great place to meet for {drinks, coffee, ice cream, whatever}. Name of place, address. See you there at 6:30 pm Sunday.
> 
> ...



Yes, I did.. back in post #19. You may have missed it, so I'll copy it here again. I blacked out the location/address details ofc.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I urge you not invest too many emotions in the person you meet online until you’ve had several dates. Online dating is incredibly prone to people who mislead others for whatever purposes they entertain.


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## gaius (Nov 5, 2020)

From my experience, women usually find the most memorable dates to be when a memorable guy shows up. If you spend too much time asking permission and explaining yourself you don't leave much of a memorable impression. 

Between her profile and initial conversations you should have an idea of what she might like to do without having to ask. And even if you get it wrong just confidently go with it and have a strategy to show her a good time. Whether it's over kayaking, bungee jumping or clam shucking, it's what you personally say and do that really matters.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Fancy first dates are a waste. It would be different if you knew the person, knew their character, and knew their interest level.
With online dating, one is better off meeting and seeing if the person is willing to make the same effort. I agree with another poster that balance is super important. Don’t always be willing to give too much to someone who may or may not even be interested.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> Fancy first dates are a waste. It would be different if you knew the person, knew their character, and knew their interest level.
> With online dating, one is better off meeting and seeing if the person is willing to make the same effort. I agree with another poster that balance is super important. Don’t always be willing to give too much to someone who may or may not even be interested.


Basically go to McDonald's then?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> Basically go to McDonald's then?


Only if you have coupons.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

heartsbeating said:


> Basically go to McDonald's then?


Maybe a short walk together or coffee. If you hit it off you can always extend it to lunch or dinner depending upon the time of day.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

I had the bill conversation upfront many times, because I never wanted anyone to feel used.

But, if I could do dating all over again, I would want to eat at nice places, but simply pay for my own meal. Which is what I do when I go out with friends.

Coffee dates were always lame. Every single one.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

minimalME said:


> Coffee dates were always lame. Every single one.


I went on exactly one coffee date when I was in college. It was a major bomb.

With my wife now, I love coffee dates. In fact I’m going to invite her on a coffee date today and maybe she’ll even go!

As for the man paying I have always paid. I’m conservative and old fashioned when it comes to that and a woman being aggressive about paying, for me, would be an incompatibility red flag. I forget how many dates I went on with my wife before I felt ok about her paying for anything but it was probably a lot, like more than a dozen.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

ccpowerslave said:


> As for the man paying I have always paid. I’m conservative and old fashioned when it comes to that and a woman being aggressive about paying, for me, would be an incompatibility red flag. I forget how many dates I went on with my wife before I felt ok about her paying for anything but it was probably a lot, like more than a dozen.


Right - see that's the dilemma. I prefer men paying, but I wouldn't want to be seen as a user.

It's frustrating, because I don't need to date to go out for a nice dinner. I do that all the time by myself.

In my past life, all men voluntarily paid.


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## ccpowerslave (Nov 21, 2020)

minimalME said:


> Right - see that's the dilemma. I prefer men paying, but I wouldn't want to be seen as a user.


A man that would see you as a user probably isn’t the right guy for you.

Even if the woman was obviously loaded I would still want to pay. I’m just wired that way. 

For my wife once I know what food she wants when we’re out I also order for her, I pull out her chair for her at the bar, I make sure she walks on the inside of the sidewalk and I walk on the street side. She likes all of these things, of course.

I would not put my coat over a mud puddle though, even I have my limits.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

If you make the first date a fun one then she will associate meeting you with enjoying herself and having a great time. 
This is the secret of dating success.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Andy1001 said:


> If you make the first date a fun one then she will associate meeting you with enjoying herself.
> This is the secret of dating success.


When I read this, in my mind I agreed. But then I remembered the ridiculous sexual expectations, which makes it all not fun anymore.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

minimalME said:


> When I read this, in my mind I agreed. But then I remembered the ridiculous sexual expectations, which makes it all not fun anymore.


Ridiculous sexual expectations on a first date?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Ridiculous sexual expectations on a first date?


First, second, third. Take your pick. 🙂


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

minimalME said:


> First, second, third. Take your pick. 🙂



Well everyone knows you are expected to on the third date.....???!!!




jk


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> Well everyone knows you are expected to on the third date.....???!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


In a long and successful dating career I only once waited until after the third date before having sex. 
I married her……….?


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Well everyone knows you are expected to on the third date.....???!!!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


😂

You obviously haven't been keeping up with the other single male posters. They admit it quite readily - no sex by the 3rd date? I'm gone. 

And it was also my expereince. West coast. East coast. Poor men. Rich men. Didn't matter.

So, if you're different, that's awesome. 🙂


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

minimalME said:


> 😂
> 
> You obviously haven't been keeping up with the other single male posters. They admit it quite readily - no sex by the 3rd date? I'm gone.
> 
> ...


Seriously, men only wait past the third date with women they are interested in possible marriage with. They have to be really, really thinking highly of a woman to keep pursuing with no sex after a third date. I am hoping I meet a lady that I want to continue dating with no sex by a third date.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

Evinrude58 said:


> Seriously, men only wait past the third date with women they are interested in possible marriage with. They have to be really, really thinking highly of a woman to keep pursuing with no sex after a third date. I am hoping I meet a lady that I want to continue dating with no sex by a third date.


Men are doing exactly what they've been allowed to do - by women. 

So, I don't blame men. Of course they want to have sex. That's no surprise. 

But women wanting to behave like men is unfortunate.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

minimalME said:


> But women wanting to behave like men is unfortunate.


Why? Women enjoying sex are unfortunate? Sex is not a bargaining power , it is not something I do to keep a man. If I do it is because I want to.


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

WandaJ said:


> Why? Women enjoying sex are unfortunate? Sex is not a bargaining power , it is not something I do to keep a man. If I do it is because I want to.


Yes - I get all that. Promiscuous behavior is now totally acceptable. Congratulations.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

From my experience, I’m 48 and the women are more aggressive than I am for sex.
Women in their 40’s and 50’s seem sex starved.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

I also have the best experience with Bumble. I have the same bio and pick on Match and Bumble, and way better feedback on Bumble.
i think the fact that women have to start eliminates certain type of people of both genders? Less secure, more anxious? At least, that’s my theory

anyway - going back to the first meet.Coffee, lunch - are the best options. You have a chance to sit down and talk and if it doesn’t work, not a biggy.
And I do not recommend chatting for weeks before meeting up. Don’t waste time, meet face to face as and then you both know if there is a real connection.
The best starting line? Short and to the point. One of my favorite was “Perhaps you are free tonight?” (It was Friday morning) . I was…


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

minimalME said:


> Yes - I get all that. Promiscuous behavior is now totally acceptable. Congratulations.


And it is awesome!


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

WandaJ said:


> And it is awesome!


Right - _for you. _Because that's the priority. You doing what you want to do _right now_. 

It's the younger and future generations that I'm thinking of. Because with each generation, the behaviors (eating, spending, sex) will become more radical and extreme. Which, of course, has already started with all the gender/identity nonsense.


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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

minimalME said:


> Right - _for you. _Because that's the priority. You doing what you want to do _right now_.
> 
> It's the younger and future generations that I'm thinking of. Because with each generation, the behaviors (eating, spending, sex) will become more radical and extreme. Which, of course, has already started with all the gender/identity nonsense.


Gender identity nonsense - aka accepting people for who they are instead of making them stay in closet. That’s a good thing not bad.

but let’s go back to dating and helping OP


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Evinrude58 said:


> I urge you not invest too many emotions in the person you meet online until you’ve had several dates. Online dating is incredibly prone to people who mislead others for whatever purposes they entertain.


I'm definitely not emotionally invested in any of my matches at this point. In fact, for most of them, I don't even feel a lot of physical attraction towards, but I figured it would be worth meeting them to find out. Sometimes the mere presence of a person can trigger more or less attraction than a photo. 



minimalME said:


> 😂
> You obviously haven't been keeping up with the other single male posters. They admit it quite readily - no sex by the 3rd date? I'm gone.
> 
> And it was also my expereince. West coast. East coast. Poor men. Rich men. Didn't matter.
> ...


Pretty sure I wouldn't expect sex by the third date. 

Anyways, I'm doing the final prep before I go.. I'm not sure if I'm wearing great first date clothes, but they are clean, new and weather appropriate (shorts and a light fabric teal t-shirt.).


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Just being nosey, did you end up remaining friends / in contact with the date you played the board-game with?


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

JukeboxHero said:


> Anyways, I'm doing the final prep before I go.. I'm not sure if I'm wearing great first date clothes, but they are clean, new and weather appropriate (shorts and a light fabric teal t-shirt.).


Clean clothes... off to a great first impression! 

My personal stance is if they're into you, the clothing doesn't matter too much (clean and presentable being a given). Hope you both have fun!


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

How did the date go?


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

Livvie said:


> How did the date go?


I'm glad you asked.
I actually chilled at home for most of the day, went to the gym a few hours before I was scheduled to meet, but came home early and make certain I had at least an hour to make myself look good (shaving my head, showering, trimming my Goatee, making sure I had clean clothes from the dryer, etc.

I actually arrived about 5 min early but accidentally sprayed Febreze on my hand (don't ask). I didn't like the fact that my hand was probably a bit sticky, so I walked past the Icecream place where we agreed to meet, saw she hadn't arrived yet and went looking for a bathroom. I found one at a Starbucks about 1/2 block away, washed my hands and headed back to the Ice Cream shop. She still wasn't there, so I went back to car which was parked right behind the Ice cream place to drop something off and came back to wait right in front. 
At this point it was 6:35pm, and since I had passed the place twice in the past 8 min, I was pretty sure I hadn't missed her.
I sent her a text on Bumble to let her know I was waiting out front. I sat on a bench, browsing through my phone and looking up every min or two. Lots of people went in and out.
Still no date. I texted her again, asking "Did something happen?"
Waited another 15 min and still no response.
I decided "**** it, I'm going to enjoy this date, with or without her". So, I walked into the Ice cream place, ordered a milkshake and walked across the street to look at some tents that were setup for a local Irish Festival... they were closing down, so there wasn't much to see.
I eventually decided to head the Park/Trail in the area that supposedly had a very scenic waterfall. I found it after a 10 min walk and it was absolutely beautiful. Something I would definitely consider for future 1st dates as it's scenic, safe and quick walk that's close to a very upscale town/suburb of Columbus.
Even though I was a little disappointed and baffled she didn't show up (I kept trying to figure out if I could have missed her), I still had a great time.
I also got to complain to my friends about it and we all agreed that one should either show up for a commitment or communicate and let the other person know..so the other person isn't wasting their time and energy preparing and showing up for the date, only to get skunked.
I figured that was probably the end of it and she had completely ghosted me.

Then, this afternoon... this happened.











I feel like her response is reasonable, as she mentioned having a Pelotonia race earlier.

I'm not sure if she's still interested, since she didnt' respond to my question about a make-up date, but I think my next response will be..
"So in regards to that make-up date, do you want to do Friday or Sunday? Also, you definitely owe me an ice-cream cone!"


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## minimalME (Jan 3, 2012)

You seem like such a nice person - you have a great attitude.

She, on the other hand, seems a little shady. She 'forgot' your date, and then just didn't answer when you asked her about trying again? 😒


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

It's nice you are so optimistic. 

However.

I'd let this one go. Incredibly lame she forgot she had a date.

Anything short of someone having a medical emergency isn't a good excuse. 

I'd bet a million dollars this won't go anywhere serious.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

She didn't answer about another date. You should stop there.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Yep, I'm with the ladies on this one.

I'd let it go. She's got a phone, she could have called / responded. 

It's great that you made the best of it for yourself! ...next first date with someone else, ice-cream and waterfall!


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

No, also if she was interested and sorry, she ought to be the one instigating another date. As in, 'I completely forgot we made plans. If you're still open to it, are you free xxx day?' 

NEXT!


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

minimalME said:


> When I read this, in my mind I agreed. But then I remembered the ridiculous sexual expectations, which makes it all not fun anymore.


Why sure, you “expect” the man to pay, and you’ve already made up your mind there will be no sex. Sounds like a match made in heaven. Female heaven, that is…


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

WandaJ said:


> Why? Women enjoying sex are unfortunate? Sex is not a bargaining power , it is not something I do to keep a man. If I do it is because I want to.


Thank god!!!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Never make a date with a woman without actually talking to her on the phone and feeling her out. If your only way to communicate was through bumble, she wasn’t interested. That was really ****ty what she did to you. If someone does that to me, I’m out.
You are wise to keep your cool as you did. I’m sure you were disappointed. But don’t let someone do that to you in the future. If they stand you up, don’t even consider another date unless THEY plan it and take YOU out.


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## RebuildingMe (Aug 18, 2019)

JukeboxHero said:


> I'm glad you asked.
> I actually chilled at home for most of the day, went to the gym a few hours before I was scheduled to meet, but came home early and make certain I had at least an hour to make myself look good (shaving my head, showering, trimming my Goatee, making sure I had clean clothes from the dryer, etc.
> 
> I actually arrived about 5 min early but accidentally sprayed Febreze on my hand (don't ask). I didn't like the fact that my hand was probably a bit sticky, so I walked past the Icecream place where we agreed to meet, saw she hadn't arrived yet and went looking for a bathroom. I found one at a Starbucks about 1/2 block away, washed my hands and headed back to the Ice Cream shop. She still wasn't there, so I went back to car which was parked right behind the Ice cream place to drop something off and came back to wait right in front.
> ...


I wouldn’t have even responded, certainly NOT with an offer to meet again. Don’t develop oneits over these woman. Move on to the next one. Don’t waste another minute on this one. Good luck!


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

You invest far too much of yourself. If they like you, you don’t have to dress perfect or plan something fabulous. If they’re into you, they’re into YOU.


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## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Evinrude58 said:


> Never make a date with a woman without actually talking to her on the phone and feeling her out. If your only way to communicate was through bumble, she wasn’t interested. That was really ****ty what she did to you. If someone does that to me, I’m out.
> You are wise to keep your cool as you did. I’m sure you were disappointed. But don’t let someone do that to you in the future. If they stand you up, don’t even consider another date unless THEY plan it and take YOU out.


Acknowledging that I'm not qualified in this arena at all, I agree with this. Particularly as I can be quite cynical. I'd imagine it's helpful to even just 'know' that you're talking to the expected gender and approximate age of the person you're messaging (or whatever the mechanism is). See if the phone call seems good, then arrange to meet.

If she doesn't message again, just delete her number. Don't reach out.


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## johndoe12299 (Jul 12, 2021)

yikes...yeah...how could you even ask her again after she ghosted the date. She didn't "forget". In the off chance she really did forget; do you really want to be with someone that is either that forgetful or can't even keep a lunch date commitment? 

If she was interested she would have been the one to ask you for a follow up "make up" date. Leave this one alone


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

In my life I’ve had thousands of dates. 
I’ve never “forgot” to meet any of them. 
She got a better offer, maybe another guy or maybe she was enjoying herself too much and decided to leave you hanging. 
If you contact her again before she contacts you you’re going to come across as incredibly weak and clingy. Not attractive at all.


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## JukeboxHero (Mar 3, 2015)

heartsbeating said:


> Just being nosey, did you end up remaining friends / in contact with the date you played the board-game with?


Hey @heartsbeating, thanks for reminding me about her. I probably should've tried to stay in touch, but since COVID was escalating at the time and she was very concerned about the risks associated with that, she didn't seem interested in a second date (or meetup.. as I'm not even sure if she was romantically interested in me). Also, since she only responded every 2-4 days, I figured her interest was low. 



Evinrude58 said:


> Never make a date with a woman without actually talking to her on the phone and feeling her out. If your only way to communicate was through bumble, she wasn’t interested. That was really ****ty what she did to you. If someone does that to me, I’m out.
> You are wise to keep your cool as you did. I’m sure you were disappointed. But don’t let someone do that to you in the future. If they stand you up, don’t even consider another date unless THEY plan it and take YOU out.


Thank you, @Evinrude58 
I may actually start implementing this. I usually arrange a date via the dating app, then exchange phone number if they feel comfortable doing that. How exactly does one "feel them out" via a phone call would be my next question. 

Btw, I did call a girl yesterday (per her request) and she talked a lot about her career and family. In this case, she actually offered up her phone number on Bumble and said "We should go out on a date sometime"...so I know she's into me. 

I decided to arrange a date with her (we'll call her J) next Monday.

Unfortunately, I'm not really feeling much attraction to her, but I figured I would oblige her with at least meet up with her and see how I feel. The one thing I dislike about her profile is that most of her pics "blurry/glossy" filters that make it seem as if she's trying to hide something about her appearance. There was one photo that seemed legit and she didn't look quite as cute in that photo as the filtered ones.



Andy1001 said:


> In my life I’ve had thousands of dates.
> I’ve never “forgot” to meet any of them.
> She got a better offer, maybe another guy or maybe she was enjoying herself too much and decided to leave you hanging.
> If you contact her again before she contacts you you’re going to come across as incredibly weak and clingy. Not attractive at all.


I agree with your assessment. I have not had thousands of dates, maybe a dozen since my divorce. I know that's not nearly as many as you, or most other people...However, I have ADHD and I forget a lot of things, but I rarely, if ever forget appointments and commitments I've made, and I don't think I've ever forgotten a date, even with someone who I wasn't particularly interested in. 

Also, I sent her my phone number the morning of our date, so that should have served as a reminder as well.




RebuildingMe said:


> I wouldn’t have even responded, certainly NOT with an offer to meet again. Don’t develop oneits over these woman. Move on to the next one. Don’t waste another minute on this one. Good luck!



I don't think I'm developing "Oneitis" for this chick, but I will admit that when she messaged back and apologized, it got my hopes up that she really did forget and was still willing to have a date with me. I really wanted to message her back last night in a teasing way and say she owed me an ice-cream date. But, since everyone thinks that's a bad idea (and after resisting the urge, I can see how it might look pathetic and unattractive).
I have a date with another girl tonight (and she actually messaged me on Bumble last night to ensure our date was still on and gave me her phone number, "just in case".) at a nice Cafe near a boardgame place and a second date with someone next Monday night.


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