# Highschool Sweethearts



## innocently (Apr 9, 2012)

Hello everyone, I'm Elsie. I came onto this site to ask for relationship advisement from those who have made it through the rocky-scary start all the way into happy marriages 20, 30, 50 years later. 

I met my boyfriend during our Junior year of high school. One of my friends and him were hooking up, and somehow I was dragged along for a joy ride in his truck with her at 2 in the morning. We couldn't stop talking, we connected almost instantly. Neither of us had been looking for anything serious, but I knew and promptly per sued him. I texted him immediately and dropped more hints than Hitler killed innocent people (basically I spelled it out for him). We're happily still together although we're very early in our relationship still. Our one year is coming up on the 25th. 

Although we're young I know he's the guy I'm going to marry. However, I have a few things that make me doubt this. First off, it's that he's basically following in his fathers footsteps. It's cute but it makes me wonder if this is what he really wants. His father met his mother when he was 18 as well, and proposed to her at the age of 20. My boyfriend hinted that in a little less than two years (when he'll be twenty) that he's going to ask me something I will never forget. We talk about wanting to start a family in the future as well, he wants it in about five years (his dad had him when he was 23). I just feel like I'm trying to play a roll in a play and not be my own person, but I love him. Do I bring this up? Or is it he just looks up to his father?


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## Gratitude (Feb 12, 2012)

innocently said:


> I texted him immediately and dropped more hints than Hitler killed innocent people (basically I spelled it out for him).


I don't have any advice because I stopped reading after seeing this quote. I think it's in really poor taste. Many other things you could have used. I am assuming this was a genuine question.

My mothers best friend was born in a war camp, and her mother who is polish and still alive, gets very emotional when she talks about what she went through. It was very traumatic and if she was on this site and saw this comment for her it wouldn't be as offhand as it is to you. 

That's my advice. Probably didn't help you though.


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Just take it slow. The person you want to marry at 18 isn't the person you want to marry at 25. Promise. Yea, some people make it work, but most don't.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

Hello, 
I'm not sure to understand your question Elsie...
I'm 22 years old, and I got married 2 years ago. I think it would be good to know what you mean better, it's interesting.


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Just take it slow. The person you want to marry at 18 isn't the person you want to marry at 25. Promise. Yea, some people make it work, but most don't.


I understand your point of you, and I do agree that most of the marriage ends up like this.... But it's because of statement like this that people end up with a broken marriage.
If everybody knew when they are saying the ' YES' that a lot of work is coming with this commitment, marriage would have more sense.
If you fall in love with somebody when you are young (18,19,20), and you get married, it's possible to see your marriage grow a life time. It's easy to turn the page when everything goes wrong. Even one small thing can make somebody turn the page because it's easier and fun to go look for somebody new.
It's problem of commitment. It's a problem of value and importance. People just don't care.


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## sigma1299 (May 26, 2011)

So here you go - my info. My wife and I met when I was 17 she 16 - right before I graduated high school. I had recently broken up with a long term girlfriend when we met, was about to leave for college, and really wasn't looking for a LTR but wasn't not looking either. We dated totally exclusively all summer, when I left we agreed to keep dating but to date other people as I was moving 600 miles away - this is long before the days of text, IM, skype and the like - long distance relationships were significantly harder back then. 

I go away to school, two years later she graduates and goes to a different school. Long story short we spent 6 years at least 400 miles apart from each other talking on the phone for a half hour every other night and trying to get to see each other every other weekend. I graduated college and moved home, two years later she graduate and moved home, a year after that I asked her to marry me and a year after that we were married - April 1998. Neither of us ever really dated other people, it just didn't work out that way. 

I also own/work in a family business with my father and brother. The following in your father's footsteps remark hit home with me. 

So my advice. I love my wife dearly, but marriage is not all sunshine and tulips. If you read here you'll find that I had an emotional affair in 2010. Today we are happier than ever but it has not been without a lot of effort. You are very young - same age I was - it is very young to make these kinds of decisions. If you are going on to a higher education, especially at different schools it will be very difficult, you will miss out on a lot of the "college experience." I don't regret it for a moment but I wouldn't recommend it either. The odds of it coming out like my wife and I are very very remote. As far as your concerns about your BF. Talk to him. Tell him what your plans and ideas are, he doesn't get to pick them for you - you are not married yet. This is what dating is for - you talk to each other - feeling each other out and exploring who each other really are. Compatibility will either bring you together or push you apart. I think you are right to be somewhat concerned about his motivation though. If he is close to his father and mother he could easily have a preconceived idea that their time line and relationship is the only way to meet and marry someone, and that if it doesn't go that way he will never marry. We all know that's not the case but he could believe that at a very subconscious level. It's something I worry about for my children when they learn the story of my wife and I. So don't work at keeping the relationship together. Live your own life, do what you want and like - be someone who is 16. If the relationship survives and you are still part of each others lives then there's something to it, if not then don't look back. 

Btw - what do your parents have to say about this? Have you talked to them?


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

growtogether said:


> I understand your point of you, and I do agree that most of the marriage ends up like this.... But it's because of statement like this that people end up with a broken marriage.
> If everybody knew when they are saying the ' YES' that a lot of work is coming with this commitment, marriage would have more sense.
> If you fall in love with somebody when you are young (18,19,20), and you get married, it's possible to see your marriage grow a life time. It's easy to turn the page when everything goes wrong. Even one small thing can make somebody turn the page because it's easier and fun to go look for somebody new.
> It's problem of commitment. It's a problem of value and importance. People just don't care.


Nah. It's just different people.

MOST people at 18 or 19 years old aren't mature enough to handle marriage. Your brain isn't even fully developed until about 25. That's science.

I tell my daughter not to get serious about marriage until after 25. College and sense of self need to come first. that's just my opinion. Learn to commit to a career, pet, etc before committing to a human.

I didn't "turn the page" with boyfriends.  I just didn't commit to marriage, even though I had plenty of opportunity. 

It's not about caring or value. Again, I had plenty. I just didn't want to get married until I knew *for sure*. It makes commitment a hell of a lot easier when you believe in your vows.

But you're right. A lot of people don't care about the vows.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

Not that it matters, but just wondering what happened to your friend your BF initially hooked up with after you started pursuing him? What was her reaction?


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## WaynerMenard (Apr 11, 2012)

I think it would be good to know what you mean better


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

innocently said:


> Hello everyone, I'm Elsie. I came onto this site to ask for relationship advisement from those who have made it through the rocky-scary start all the way into happy marriages 20, 30, 50 years later.
> 
> I met my boyfriend during our Junior year of high school. One of my friends and him were hooking up, and somehow I was dragged along for a joy ride in his truck with her at 2 in the morning. We couldn't stop talking, we connected almost instantly. Neither of us had been looking for anything serious, but I knew and promptly per sued him. I texted him immediately and dropped more hints than Hitler killed innocent people (basically I spelled it out for him). We're happily still together although we're very early in our relationship still. Our one year is coming up on the 25th.
> 
> Although we're young I know he's the guy I'm going to marry. However, I have a few things that make me doubt this. First off, it's that he's basically following in his fathers footsteps. It's cute but it makes me wonder if this is what he really wants. His father met his mother when he was 18 as well, and proposed to her at the age of 20. My boyfriend hinted that in a little less than two years (when he'll be twenty) that he's going to ask me something I will never forget. We talk about wanting to start a family in the future as well, he wants it in about five years (his dad had him when he was 23). I just feel like I'm trying to play a roll in a play and not be my own person, but I love him. Do I bring this up? Or is it he just looks up to his father?


Does his parents share a loving deeply connected flowing marraige - that is inspirational to the son? Or do you get the sense the dad married too early & regrets it - missed a part of his youth... and the marriage is not so wonderful? 

I met my husband at 15 yrs old, he was 18, we became fast best friends, even before we kissed each other, we talked about having kids YEARS before we married... we did take it slow though, he would have married me at 18 .....and I had a ring by then.... but I started to get worried -since I really never dated anyone else, I feared I might regret that someday. 

After going out with just 1 other guy for a very short time, It helped me get my head on straight again...I just knew he was the one, I suddenly had the "peace" I needed, I didn't need to see the world, experience College or anything else... I just knew.... this was over 22 yrs ago... 

We were both very mature for our age though, very responsible, not the partying type, had goals, dreams, saved our $$ carefully. It all depends on the maturity, do you REALLY know what you want in life.... Does HE? 

I did a thread on what I feel every single person should know about each other before they walk down the aisle , to make darn sure they are "compatible"...a compatiblity that is going to last, or has a good chance of success anyway. My feelings are.... more than anything else in life... you NEED to be compatible... or your marraige will struggle.... I tried to cover the vast areas of issues I read on this forum every single day.... .Communication, sex, how you handle finances....so very much is vital. 

http://talkaboutmarriage.com/long-t...ility-b4-vows-beyond-marital-harmony-joy.html


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## growtogether (Feb 27, 2012)

that_girl said:


> Nah. It's just different people.
> 
> MOST people at 18 or 19 years old aren't mature enough to handle marriage. Your brain isn't even fully developed until about 25. That's science.
> 
> ...


Well, I met my husband at 18 years old and got married at 20, and I'm now 22... Hopefully my brain will be enough mature...
You know, I don't buy that. I know teenagers are not mature all the time, but young adults is something else than maturity. It's about priorities, values and what is important for you in your life. People may get married just to live the fairy tale, but some get married for its real meaning.


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## eowyn (Mar 22, 2012)

eowyn said:


> Not that it matters, but just wondering what happened to your friend your BF initially hooked up with after you started pursuing him? What was her reaction?


Sorry, I didnt elaborate well on my question... As most of you on the forum point out maturity, ethics & commitment of a person is a key in determining the success of the marriage. The following details from OP bother me somewhat and make me question her maturity and ethics.

_"One of my friends and him were hooking up, and somehow I was dragged along for a joy ride in his truck with her at 2 in the morning. We couldn't stop talking, we connected almost instantly. Neither of us had been looking for anything serious, but I knew and promptly per sued him. I texted him immediately and dropped more hints than Hitler killed innocent people (basically I spelled it out for him)."_

I know this is not much information to conclude either ways, however from what it looks to me OP was invited by her friend to hang out with the friend and her date, after which OP desperately pursued this guy. Did she cross a line in friendship by doing this.. I don't know? Or was it just childish infatuation.. I don't know? However these personality traits are important and should be in place, especially if one plans to marry at an early age. Again, the actual situation might be entirely different from what it appeared to me from the initial post and I could be completely wrong.


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