# Honor or Happiness?



## DualityDemon (Feb 14, 2012)

I just found this site today because I have been thinking of divorce. 

I'm 30ish and my wife is only a couple of years younger than me. We have been together for around 10 years, and married for at least 5 or so. 

Anyways, lately it just feels like I am a puppet, being dragged through her universe. Anytime I have a complaint about anything, whether it be trivial or not, it just falls on deaf ears. Or worse, she just deflects and tries to make me feel bad about complaining. She works full time, and I am almost done with college(which I am taking full time) and lately it is a chore to just get her to make dinner. 

Now don't think I am a bad person for wanting her to make dinner. I am not. I would gladly make dinner. The only problem is that she is so picky about everything, that anytime I have ever made dinner, she barely eats any of it. 

She makes messes and never cleans them up. Not even a quick wipedown with a sponge that is within arms reach, or turning around to throw something in the trash which is a step from the mess. 

Since she works, I let her sleep all the time, never making her get out of the bed and help with our kid(2yo) if he ever wakes up in the night. Even on her days off(which also coincide with my days off of school) I never make her get up with our kid. 

In the end, I have done everything for her. I have changed my looks, I have changed many of my habits. I have even calmed my temper, all for her. It feels the only thing that she has ever done for me is given me a place to live while I am a Full time student. Hell, she even gets what she wants out of sex. She never initiates, so it is usually the same old boring crap that I do every time I want sex. It is to the point where I don't even want to bother with it. 

I have always been an honorable man. This marriage to me feels about as honorable as it can get. We are both very open people, but this is something that I can't talk to her with. This is something I can't even mention lightly in playful banter. Don't get me wrong, Life is good. We are very prosperous. We both love our kid. But I am unhappy to the point where I don't even feel like a person. I don't feel I have a partner in this relationship. So much so that We have both talked about being polyamoris. She is or was open to it after I give her a couple of years so I can settle down with a new job, and maybe even a new place to live. 

Talking about the polyamory has probably made me happier than I have been in a very long time. But in the end, I know it is just a pipe dream. My wife would never share me with another woman. 

Am I destined to just do the honorable thing and be her pet for the rest of my days, being safe in a relationship, knowing that I will always have a home. Knowing that I will always have a family. 

Should I just leave her and try to risk comfort at a chance of happiness?


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## MSP (Feb 9, 2012)

It's unusual that she leaves a mess and is also picky. Usually it's one or the other. The fact that she has contradictory natures indicates to me that she has developed behaviours that are masking her real personality, to a certain extent. The external conflict mirrors an internal one. I'm not making excuses for her; she needs to change.

I recommend THIS book.


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## Lionelhutz (Feb 2, 2012)

Sorry to hear about our situation. I don't know whether your marriage can survive from what you have described. All I can suggest is don't be a doormat or all into the "pleasing" trap. She will lose even more respect or interest in you.


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## accept (Dec 1, 2011)

Have you ever asked her what she wants.
In the circumstances before you can decide or change anything you will have to have joined the workforce. I think you will also feel better afterwards.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Have you talked to her?


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Demon,

Do you know anything of her childhood?




DualityDemon said:


> I just found this site today because I have been thinking of divorce.
> 
> I'm 30ish and my wife is only a couple of years younger than me. We have been together for around 10 years, and married for at least 5 or so.
> 
> ...


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## asylumspadez (Jan 17, 2012)

Your wife is a bad person, Simple as that. She is a control freak, Wants you to do everything (such as changing how you are, so on so forth) while she does nothing in return. Wanna know how to solve this? Tell her to get off her ****ing ass and do something. If she wants you to do something or go somewhere, Tell her to do it herself. Stop putting up with her ****, Grow a pair of balls, and do something aobut it.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

One more question....

Are you saying she's working while you're going to school and you expect her to come home from work and make dinner for you?


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## Mavash. (Jan 26, 2012)

Conrad said:


> Are you saying she's working while you're going to school and you expect her to come home from work and make dinner for you?


I think the problem is he has tried to cook but his wife is picky and won't eat it.

Basically he can't win with her.

I'm with asylum she's a contol freak and must be dealt with as such.


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