# Need advice, Wife thinks inappropriate joke was ok



## sundown1965 (Dec 20, 2011)

A week ago we were out with a group of about 25 friends, mostly guys I work with and their wives.

We went to a brewery that had an outdoor patio dining area.

One of the guys I work with is about 25 good looking muscular type and known for drinking to much at parties and doing stupid things.

The beer was flowing, I was not drinking so I could drive several people home, my wife was just a little typsy, maybe had three beers. The co-worker was pretty drunk

I am 48 my wife is 45, I should note that this guy frequently makes comments and remarks about "hot" my wife is to the point I have told him knock it off a couple of times. I have told my wife this more than once and told her to be careful around him.

We end up the last people in the place, just all of our group and are about to go home, I'm talking to people about driving them home when I hear whooping and laughter cheering etc.

I look over and the guy has picked my wife up and was holding her facing him, her legs around his waist, her hands around his neck and his hands holding her just under her butt. about 30 feet away from me.

He is making forceful thrusting motions with his hips pounding his crotch into hers,simulating stand up sex, her butt was literally bouncing up and down!!

This went on for several seconds I was shocked, but more shocked when he let her down she was laughing hysterically, her face was a little red, she seemed a little embarrassed but she was cracking up, 
I later heard that she said to a friend of hers who was close by "that was kinda fun" while she was laughing..

Then another friend crabs her cellphone and says "do it again I want a picture" so my wife turns back to him jumps up and they do it again..

I am upset and very quiet as we take people home.

We get home and she says "what's your problem"??

I am very angry and tell her there is no way she could think that was ok to do.

She says she was walking towards the exit told him we were going home and he said " no we are gonna hit the bars now"

and picked her up, carried her back into the patio area and began the hip thrusting, she didn't ask him to do it it was just a joke and she did nothing wrong. she got super defensive and started screaming at me . we had a huge fight.

She says she was the victim in all this and it was all his fault, and keeps saying she did nothing wrong.

I told her that I believed that she did not know he was going to do that but if she felt she was a "victim" and was not ok with him simulating sex and thrusting into her than she should not have "gone along" with it, that all she had to do was unwrap her legs and get down, push him away and act offended ,which she should have been,if she were the victim she should not have been laughing about it or said " that was kinda fun" and she would not have done it again voluntarily.

She keeps saying that she did nothing wrong, she is the victim, and it was just a joke and there is no reason I should have been upset about it. She says I am totally over reacting and she is very angry that I won't agree with her.

The co worker called me on Monday and genuinely apologized, he felt terrible and asked my forgiveness, he told me I should have punched him in the face.


Anyway I am just looking for some help and advice, this has become a major issue in our marriage and my wife will not give an inch, she is saying I need to apologize to her for being upset about it and being a jerk.

She will not see how inappropriate that it was, and does not care about how I felt watching her do that.

My wife and I work together and share a computer so it may be hard for me to answer questions promptly. but I will be checking responses frequently

Any help is appreciated,


----------



## Noble1 (Oct 25, 2013)

If she is the 'victim' in all this.....I can understand the laughing (uncomfortable/tipsy laughing)...

but climbing back on for a picture the second time....that is not a victim.

From what I read, it was very inappropriate and at least the co-worker owned up to that.

Your wife is maybe getting to defensive but does need to see it was wrong as well.


Good luck


----------



## sundown1965 (Dec 20, 2011)

yes I can see the first time because he started it, but it went on a long time at least 10 seconds, 
plenty of time to get down.
and the remark of "that was kinda fun" that she made to her friend just after he put her down really bothers me.
and doing it the second time for a picture??

and keep in mind this was all in front of 25 of our friends and many of my co-workers


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

Ugh that was way inappropiate in my opinion.
How about going to a bar where he isn't.

Ask her if a woman grabbed you and did something goofy like kissing you if that would be alright.


----------



## sundown1965 (Dec 20, 2011)

yeah I asked her if he had come up and started grabbing her breasts or squeezing her butt would she think that was funny??
would she let him do it again for a picture??

She says that is totally different


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Yeah, you should have punched the dude.

And your your wife, too.




Stuff just got Real...


----------



## bigbearsfan (Feb 11, 2014)

Big time inappropriate! 

I would be pissed to no extent! I will have to give you credit sundown, I would caused an old western style bar fight.


----------



## sundown1965 (Dec 20, 2011)

bigbearsfan said:


> Big time inappropriate!
> 
> I would be pissed to no extent! I will have to give you credit sundown, I would caused an old western style bar fight.


Oh I was pissed and everyone could see it.

I didn't make a scene then mostly because I knew he was hammered, and no one was surprised at him because he is known for doing stupid things without thinking when he is drunk.

And I knew i would deal with him later ......

I'm not excusing him at all, just saying I wasn't really shocked by him...
But I was totally shocked by my wife going along with it, and her part in it and climbing up to simulate sex with him again for a picture...in front of 25 people !!

I have been even more shocked by her response to me and my being offended by her actions and my feeling angry.

She will hold no accountability for her actions.But this behavior (never admitting she did something wrong) has been a constant in our marriage.

She would rather divorce after 25 years than admit she did something wrong and that I have a valid reason to be upset, hurt and angry.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

sundown1965 said:


> The co worker called me on Monday and genuinely apologized, he felt terrible and asked my forgiveness, he told me I should have punched him in the face.


 Tell your wife that you find it telling that the coworker knew what he did was wrong, apologized, and even commented that he would have punched him in the face if he were me, yet his own wife is not sorry, said that it was kind of fun to a friend, and jumped on the guy to do it again for a photo be be sent around. She not only does not care that she humiliated you in front of your 25 coworkers, but she also allowed it to photographed to humiliate you to others that were not there. 

She publicly made you out to be a cuckold. The other guy knows this and apologized. Your wife knows this and does not care. This was totally unacceptable, and you have a real issue with your wife's total lack of respect for you. Take a stand now. The needs to be action on your part. Do not beg for a false apology or talk this out with her anymore. Tell your wife that you are moving to stay with a friend for a few days as you think about your marriage and her lack of respect for you. She gave you a **** test and you are failing so far.


----------



## unbelievable (Aug 20, 2010)

She was a victim...twice? Puleez. Turn it around and make like the husband is wrong and should apologize. A very wifey thing to do. She was so victimized she told her friend, "gee, that was fun!"
A drunk could pick my wife up but she'd have to choose to wrap her arms around his neck and her legs around his body. It'd be every bit as much her fault but I believe I'd just have to punch him out. Apology or not, my coworker would be dead to me.


----------



## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

The "joke" was completely inappropriate. And the fact she jumped on for a second ride makes it even worse. Not to mention your embarrassment in having this take place in front of your friends and co-workers and there are presumably pictures floating around social media of your wife dry humping some other guy. 

But the worst part of all this is how she is completely disregarding your feelings about it, and demanding that YOU be the one to apologize. Ask her how she would feel if some skanky girl (who had made comments about how hot you were) jumped on you and simulated sex (not once but twice) in front of all her friends, and you gushed about how much you liked it. The fact that she doesn't care at all about how this made you feel is troubling. 

Has she ever acted inappropriately in the past? When you have disagreements, does she have a pattern of discounting your feelings and twist herself into the victim even if she is in the wrong?


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Your wife is full of it. Victim? Sure. 

She and your co-worker need to stay away from alcohol. It lowers inhibitions and certainly did with your wife. Your co-worker is a fool. I'm not sure what to say about your wife's behavior except she's not too smart either. And thanks to the encore performance there's a vid of it? To be shared on YouTube maybe? 

Yeah, she has something to apologize for.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

get the pics and post them on facebook for all to see then take a poll and see what everybody says.

if she complains why did you do that say because you said you were ok with it. why the change of heart.

your wife liked the attention and is embarrassed to admit it.


----------



## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

sundown1965 said:


> She will hold no accountability for her actions.But this behavior (never admitting she did something wrong) has been a constant in our marriage.
> 
> She would rather divorce after 25 years than admit she did something wrong and that I have a valid reason to be upset, hurt and angry.


Oops, you answered my questions while I was typing my first response. Sounds like there are more problems here than just an inappropriate joke.  

I would take a stand on this issue, and not back down. After 25 years, you deserve to have your feelings validated and not just shoved aside like they don't matter. Have you ever been in marriage counseling? Are you committed to staying in this marriage?


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

Just chiming in. The guy was wrong. Your wife was wrong.
"Wrong" This is some seriously toxic sh*t.

She knew what she was doing. Otherwise why was she coherent enough to "explain" and defend herself after you got home?

She's continuing to defend herself; and have the audacity to blame you --- *because she knows she is completely wrong.*

Sorry this happened to you. It's your call now.

Good reason to avoid bars and recreational drinking in general; but that's another issue.


----------



## sundown1965 (Dec 20, 2011)

Laurel said:


> The "joke" was completely inappropriate. And the fact she jumped on for a second ride makes it even worse. Not to mention your embarrassment in having this take place in front of your friends and co-workers and there are presumably pictures floating around social media of your wife dry humping some other guy.
> 
> But the worst part of all this is how she is completely disregarding your feelings about it, and demanding that YOU be the one to apologize. Ask her how she would feel if some skanky girl (who had made comments about how hot you were) jumped on you and simulated sex (not once but twice) in front of all her friends, and you gushed about how much you liked it. The fact that she doesn't care at all about how this made you feel is troubling.
> 
> Has she ever acted inappropriately in the past? When you have disagreements, does she have a pattern of discounting your feelings and twist herself into the victim even if she is in the wrong?


Yes unfortunately most of our major fights have involved what I believe to be her acting inappropriately with another man at a party. seems to occur every two years or so .huge fight she denies,she did nothing wrong, she packs bags and threatens to leave, calls me crazy and abusive etc. incident never gets resolved just slowly forgotten

does she have a pattern of discounting your feelings and twist herself into the victim even if she is in the wrong?

Yes I hate to use the term "always" but that is exactly what she always does when she feels I am calling her out on some bad behavior( look up signs of a narcissist)
I'm not saying she is one by any means, but she has that narcissistic trait to a "T"


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

yep you should have ran over there and punched him in the face when anybody says anything say I thought he was assaulting my wife.

I'd still be tempted to punch him.

as for your wife........she totally disrespects you. the second round proves it.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

sundown1965 said:


> Yes unfortunately most of our major fights have involved what I believe to be her acting inappropriately with another man at a party. seems to occur every two years or so .huge fight she denies,she did nothing wrong, she packs bags and threatens to leave, calls me crazy and abusive etc. incident never gets resolved just slowly forgotten
> 
> does she have a pattern of discounting your feelings and twist herself into the victim even if she is in the wrong?
> 
> ...


let her leave this time. if she dose change the locks.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

sundown1965 said:


> Yes unfortunately most of our major fights have involved what I believe to be her acting inappropriately with another man at a party. seems to occur every two years or so .huge fight she denies,she did nothing wrong, she packs bags and threatens to leave


Oh boy. If she does this again in this case, I'd hold the door open for her, smile and wave. This crap is just ridiculous.


----------



## waylan (Apr 23, 2014)

Totally inappropriate. You have every right to be upset.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

chillymorn said:


> yep you should have ran over there and punched him in the face when anybody says anything say I thought he was assaulting my wife.
> 
> I'd still be tempted to punch him.
> 
> as for your wife........she totally disrespects you. the second round proves it.





Probably what she want him to do in the first place op you are being tested and your failing


----------



## Laurel (Oct 14, 2013)

chillymorn said:


> let her leave this time. if she dose change the locks.


I have to agree. Call her bluff. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to bring about change. After 25 years of this, she thinks she can do whatever she wants, rewrite history to suit her and you will just put up with it. As long as she thinks that, this cycle will never be broken. In fact, if anything, it becomes more frequent (from every few years, to every year, to every few months, etc.).


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

sundown1965 said:


> Yes unfortunately most of our major fights have involved what I believe to be her acting inappropriately with another man at a party. seems to occur every two years or so .huge fight she denies,she did nothing wrong, she packs bags and threatens to leave, calls me crazy and abusive etc. incident never gets resolved just slowly forgotten


Let her leave. 

No question about it.

What's the alternative? Let her continue to disrespect you and blame shift it to all be your fault in some way?

You can't live like this, you know this.

Don't be so afraid to lose her that you become her doormat.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

Wow there is a lot wrong here I don't really know where to start first your coworkers behavior was beyond inappropriate and you should have probably handle it a little bit more forcefully sometimes making a scene can be just as effective as marking your territory.


You and your wife need to have a serious and I do mean serious discussion about this regardless of what she says voice your concerns and take an aggressive stance to make it clear what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in your marriage.



PS:Her behavior goes beyond s*** testing she's probing pushing little by little to see what she can get away with if you do not make it clear this is not acceptable then buddy it will get much much worse


----------



## sundown1965 (Dec 20, 2011)

xakulax said:


> Probably what she want him to do in the first place op you are being tested and your failing


no, I ask her that.

She really thinks I am overeating and that it was just a funny joke..with no harm, no disrespect.

She thinks that everyone was whooping and laughing and cheering them on, so that proves it was just funny and I am wrong.
She says that nobody was offended but me and that no other husband there would have reacted the way I did or been upset by it.

And the fact that she did not start it means she did nothing wrong, it was all his fault anyway. but it was just a joke and I am too sensitive and controlling !!!


----------



## bravenewworld (Mar 24, 2013)

Wow, your wife acted like a real jerk. Don't get me wrong, your co-worker was being a McNasty also, but you're not married to him.

Obviously she was buzzed and enjoying getting titillated, BUT that is so inappropriate for a married woman. Especially in front of her husband's co-workers. Super trashy. 

The fact she won't apologize is honestly disgusting. If she doesn't know that humping some random a-hole on a bar patio for pictures, pleasure, and attention is gross behavior, she's on another planet. 

It also stinks she is now saying she's a "victim" because women ARE harassed and victimized in similar situations and people don't believe them because of people like her. 

I hate the idea of having "hills to die on" but I'd totally understand if this was yours. If I were you, I would demand an apology and at least some IC if not MC. To me, the most troubling part is her refusing to admit she was wrong. I'm not trying to be rude, but is she mentally all there?


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

sundown1965 said:


> no, I ask her that.


Asking is weak. 

Especially, given the circumstances.

Set your boundaries and stick to them. 

It's not up for negotiation or dispute.


----------



## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

That is so insane, how could you possibly work with this guy still? It wasn't just inappropriate it was sexual assault IMO (if in fact your wife didn't really invite it). Dry humping and simulating sex for several minutes with your wife in public? God I wouldn't show my face at work again, that is absolutely humiliating. He could face criminal charges for that (if your wife didn't laugh and go for round two), but your wife publicly humiliated you and basically made a spectacle out of herself and a cuckold out of you to all your co-workers, it's really indefensible from both parties.


----------



## richardsharpe (Jul 8, 2014)

Good evening
Do you know if she would consider similar behavior by you to be appropriate? In other words does she just have very different ideas of what are appropriate boundaries, or does she think the wide boundaries only apply to her? 

If she really does have different ideas for what is appropriate, you need to talk with her and make her understand that this upset you. Point out (nicely, no need to shout) that this really was the equivalent of your getting a lap-dance. 

Now if she thinks lap-dances are fine, you need to come to some understanding of boundaries that you can both live with.


----------



## tom67 (Oct 2, 2012)

lenzi said:


> Asking is weak.
> 
> Especially, given the circumstances.
> 
> ...


I think we need MMSLP to the rescue.


----------



## TBT (Dec 20, 2011)

Totally inappropriate behavior and so disrespectful to you. I've seen brawls start over much less than this. What else doesn't she find inappropriate? If it were me,I'd be wondering what she does when I'm not there.


----------



## notmyrealname4 (Apr 9, 2014)

sundown1965 said:


> . . . .
> She thinks that everyone was whooping and laughing and cheering them on, so that proves it was just funny and I am wrong.
> She says that *nobody was offended but me* and that no other husband there would have reacted the way I did or been upset by it.
> 
> . . .



You're really the only person whose opinion matters on this, sundown.


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Sure the others were whooping and laughing and cheering. Why not. They weren't the ones making fools of themselves. 

Sounds like the two of you have rug-swept her behavior in the past when she periodically acts inappropriately so she sees no reason it can't continue. What do you do when she threatens to leave and packs her bags? Beg her to stay? Instead say "okay". Nothing else. Let it happen. 

By the way, you should have mentioned the other incidents in your first post. It shows a pattern and not just a one-off -- which was bad enough. It's obvious you've got a bigger problem than originally thought. Fix it.


----------



## Theseus (Feb 22, 2013)

TRy said:


> She publicly made you out to be a cuckold. The other guy knows this and apologized. Your wife knows this and does not care.



Whoa!! Cuckold?? That's a bit extreme, don't you think? They didn't take off their clothes, have sex, or even kiss. 

Sundown, I have a much simpler explanation. Your wife argued with you and claimed she was the "victim" because deep down she knows she was wrong. But instead of admitting it she's getting defensive and lashing out at you because her self-image and self-worth depend on her winning this argument. She's deathly afraid to grant you the moral high ground, maybe worried you and others will see her as a "$lut".


----------



## brendanoco (Aug 6, 2014)

What your wife did was incredibly disrespectful 
but you should have said something when it was happening


----------



## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

Wow...I'm sorry this happened.

I don't know what the right answer was but I just imagined my partner doing this to some woman and it grossed me out so much that I don't think I'd be able to stay with him.

If she doesn't acknowledge how wrong what happened was and work on a plan with you to never let something so inappropriate happen again, I'm not sure how you move past this.

My condolences.


----------



## sidney2718 (Nov 2, 2013)

sundown1965 said:


> no, I ask her that.
> 
> She really thinks I am overeating and that it was just a funny joke..with no harm, no disrespect.
> 
> ...


I think you have a right to be upset. But weren't folks laughing? I've seen situations like this where the "victim" isn't going to be the party pooper and so does nothing.

Don't let this break up your marriage. You will spend the rest of your life regretting it.

What you can do is take another tack with her. Point out that you understand that she had a few beers and got caught up in the "fun" of the moment. Nobody was shouting for your "friend" to put her down. Everyone was laughing. Tell her that you understand how she got sucked in. And then tell her how uncomfortable it made you, that your "friend" waited until you were preoccupied and not right in the scene and that you did not think it was funny at all.


----------



## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

My wife would have kicked his ass.

Definately wouldn't find it funny


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

sundown1965 said:


> She says that nobody was offended but me and that no other husband there would have reacted the way I did or been upset by it.


 That's because this drunk wasn't dry humping any of the other wives but yours so yeah, their not going to be pissed, why should they.

At first I felt bad that this happened but you mentioned that on a few occasions she's acted inappropriately with another man at other parties and now I have to tell you that a lot of the blame does fall on you because your wife doesn't respect you.

You haven't set up any boundaries and if you have, she just blows right past them with out any kind of consequences and when you do say something, she pretty much gives you the finger and blames you. YOUR FAULT!!!!

Two things you need to do. First thing is let her know that this last incident will be the last time that she pulls any kind of $h!t and embarrassing you with her piss poor behavior and if she threatens to leave, then point to the door and tell her to call the drunk guy up and he can dry hump her ass all the way to his home and don't come back.

The other thing is, even though that drunk friend of yours called and told you he's sorry, I would let him know that the next time there's a get together and your there with your wife that he better stay on the other side of the room and if your wife comes near him, then he better find another place and avoid her and better yet, drop this bum as a friend.

All in all, you need to take a stand and right now because as it is, your being walked all over by your wife and the longer it goes on, the harder her habit will be to break.

Don't worry about her threats. She knows she can throw that out and it stops you in your tracks.She does it again, then let her know that actions speak louder than words and if she wants to go then once out the door, don't come back.

Put the crap she's hurling where it belongs, with her.


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

Theseus said:


> Whoa!! Cuckold?? That's a bit extreme, don't you think? They didn't take off their clothes, have sex, or even kiss.


 She spread her legs wide, wrapped them around the other man, pressed her private parts against his private parts, as he pumped and rubbed against her in deliberate sexual thrusts meant to give her physical pleasure. Without even touching him, a good lap dancer can often get a man off even with his clothes on, and her wearing a g-string; add touch and it is a done deal. If either of them felt physical pleasure from this rubbing of private parts enough to get aroused and wet, then it was a form of sex but not intercourse. Since no one watching could rule out either of them getting off on this as the husband was made to watch, she publicly made him out to be a cuckold. Yes I used a strong word to make a point, but after seeing her do this with this other man, do you think people watching had more respect for the husband, or less?

In the Godfather movie Fredo was passed up to lead the family even though he was the older brother because no one respected him. The scene that the director used to convey that Fredo was not worthy of respect was when the wife allowed another man at a party to publicly take liberties with her.


----------



## Revamped (Jun 19, 2014)

Come back!

Come back!


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

I have a question if the roles were reversed in some hot 25 women jump on the Op with her legs wrapped around him with the room cheering them on do you think she would be OK with it ??????? I'm going to bet probably not 



Op ask yourself this one thing how many times have you been in this situation with your wife and how many times have you tried to discuss it calmly and passively only for it to happen again that should tell you right there how you should best handle this situation you don't have to scream you don't have to yell but you do have to make it clear what is acceptable and what is not.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

TRy said:


> She spread her legs wide, wrapped them around the other man, pressed her private parts against his private parts, as he pumped and rubbed against her in deliberate sexual thrusts meant to give her physical pleasure. Without even touching him, a good lap dancer can often get a man off even with his clothes on, and her wearing a g-string; add touch and it is a done deal. If either of them felt physical pleasure from this rubbing of private parts enough to get aroused and wet, then it was a form of sex but not intercourse. Since no one watching could rule out either of them getting off on this as the husband was made to watch, she publicly made him out to be a cuckold. Yes I used a strong word to make a point, but after seeing her do this with this other man, do you think people watching had more respect for the husband, or less?
> 
> In the Godfather movie Fredo was passed up to lead the family even though he was the older brother because no one respected him. The scene that the director used to convey that Fredo was not worthy of respect was when the wife allowed another man at a party to publicly take liberties with her.




:iagree::iagree:




This is really basic this is something that doesn't have to be interpreted if your spouse doesn't show you respect in public then the odds are good they don't have much respect for you at all there is no middle ground here.


----------



## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

Your wife does not respect you.

Your wife is into the young man (and apparently other men too given her history).

That's why she does not see her actions (and the young man's) as inappropriate.

Your options are limited. The most substantial path you can take is this: be prepared.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

You should've knocked a couple of your co-worker's teeth down his f*cking throat.


----------



## Time4Joy (Dec 13, 2012)

Get a red Mercedes SL500. You won't give a flying f*ck what the old lady is doing.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sundown1965 said:


> Yes unfortunately most of our major fights have involved what I believe to be her acting inappropriately with another man at a party. seems to occur every two years or so .huge fight she denies,she did nothing wrong, she packs bags and threatens to leave, calls me crazy and abusive etc. incident never gets resolved just slowly forgotten


The next time that she does this (and it sounds like there will be a next time), tell her to GTFO.


----------



## Mostlycontent (Apr 16, 2014)

xakulax said:


> I have a question if the roles were reversed in some hot 25 women jump on the Op with her legs wrapped around him with the room cheering them on do you think she would be OK with it ??????? I'm going to bet probably not


I'm guessing you are exactly right as well. Perhaps OP should further make the point by going to a strip club and getting some lap dances. 

He can tell his wife that he was drunk and it was all in good fun. I'm guessing that she wouldn't like some young stripper grinding all over him but maybe that's exactly what needs to happen to drive home this point.

If she thinks it's no big deal to be dry humped by another guy, then she shouldn't object if you get dry humped too. I believe that a lot of people don't have the ability to put themselves in someone else's shoes, to reverse the roles, if you will. They seem to require a very specific example so they can see it for what it really is.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

sundown1965 said:


> no, I ask her that.
> 
> She really thinks I am overeating and that it was just a funny joke..with no harm, no disrespect.
> 
> ...


AYFKM?!? Everyone was whooping, laughing, and cheering them on BECAUSE THEY WERE F*CKING DRUNK!!!

Repeat after me... You're not wrong, it wasn't "just a joke", you're not being "too sensitive", and you're not being "controlling". Your co-worker was testing boundaries, and your wife was more than willing to go along w/ it.

The next time that you see your co-worker, you need to make it VERY clear to him that he stepped over the line. Way, way, WAY over the line. You need to check this f*cker, and *HARD*.

If you don't, be ready to walk in on this @$$hole balls deep in your wife.


----------



## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

I think you got a good climbs at how your wife behaves when you are not around.


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

Everyone else was likely drunk too. As fun as she may be to others, she'll likely be considered the party wife. Yet, all that ought to matter is how it impacts your marriage and whether that's a concern to her.

It was disrespectful of your wife. And I find disrespect in her not acknowledging your stance afterwards. Agree with others that you need to make your boundaries and expectations very clear. I don't think it means divorce time but she needs a reality check. Not cool.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Homemaker_Numero_Uno (Jan 18, 2011)

If she was a victim and feel that she was a victim then she need to figure out a way to act like one. Namely, asking whomever took the photos to delete them and remove any postings of them, distance herself from him unless he is genuinely apologetic and was drunk (not an excuse but due to his age maybe a factor that's semi-forgivable if a co-worker as economics do play a part in decision making and moving on...) and then making sure she establishes boundaries with him in the future.

The proper response to what he tried to do would be WTF are you doing? And put me down. If no response slapping or biting would be a normal response. 

Your W may be one of those women who is not very confident and couldn't tell a compliment from an insult, and vice versa. 

Counseling might help. 
Then again who knows, she might have an inner party girl that needs to be let loose.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I think it is obvious to all here (and probably all there too) that what she did was grossly inappropriate. However, that is not the real question, here is it?

The real question is what you need to do about it ? Also, why does she do this ? The answer to the second question is because she enjoys it (it titillates her) and she can get away with it because she can out-yell you and knows (or thinks she knows) that nothing is going to come of it and she will face no repercussions. Which leads me to the answer to the first question.

You need to be ready to stand your ground and give her real repercussions for her actions. First explain what boundaries are and what your boundaries are. Next tell her that you are really disappointed that you have to explain to a 40+ year old wife about boundaries and are already wondering why you have to. Finally tell her that if she does not accept this then she does not respect you, the family and the marriage. As a result you will bring this to a quick end and move on. Make sure that she knows that it is not just this single incident but also all of her past behaviour that has led to this. Give her plenty of examples so that she knows that she "didn't really get away with it all those times".

Download a set of divorce papers, fill them in and sign them and hand them to her and say, "your choice". If she truly admits that she understands and apologises (and it will be tricky to know if she really means it or is just paying you "lip-service") then start with some good reading material as advised by the good folk here and maybe even some marriage counselling. Else, I would say that she truly does not respect you and why would you want to stay with her.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

sundown1965 said:


> Yes unfortunately most of our major fights have involved what I believe to be her acting inappropriately with another man at a party. seems to occur every two years or so .huge fight she denies,she did nothing wrong, she packs bags and threatens to leave, calls me crazy and abusive etc. incident never gets resolved just slowly forgotten
> 
> does she have a pattern of discounting your feelings and twist herself into the victim even if she is in the wrong?
> 
> ...



Maybe you could pack her bags for her and leave them by the front door. When she asks tell her that she's free to use them at any time. Just leave them there. Let her put them away. Or not.


----------



## cuchulain36 (Jul 8, 2014)

tom67 said:


> I think we need MMSLP to the rescue.


After reading the recommendations I really don't get this book, the author basically makes it seem like women are solely driven on primal instinct and if you suffer say an injury that makes you put on 10 lbs to drop your "sex rank" your wife is as good as gone, or if you are dealt a blow to your career your wife won't touch you and immediately look to start banging someone else. The author spells out about 1001 scenarios where your wife be screwing someone else and it would be nearly impossible to ward them off.

If someone is neurotic before that book, they'll be OCD after it.

Hmm is my sex rank a 6 and my wife an 8? If she gets a nose job will that make her a 9 and me still a 6? Better just get the divorce papers ready.

It really paints women in the absolute worst possible light. If women really are this way I can say I would want nothing to do with them, thankfully i think the author is mistaken on a lot of fronts. Sometimes women are just flipping tired and kids take a lot out of them that sex becomes less of a priority, this doesn't mean she's primed to get a dopamine fix from some bartender up the block.

Sorry for going OT.


----------



## prime1234 (Jul 31, 2014)

The action of your wife dry humping a coworker of yours that you had previously discussed with her shows that she has no respect for you and how you feel. She was a bad actor in this situation, and the fact that it may have happened spontaneously, you could excuse her and blame the guy if she tried to get away, but since she went back for more, obviously she liked it, and that it bad for you.

The defensive actions of your wife when the issue was addressed are the same as my wife when I caught her talking to an old boyfriend on Facebook and she had uploaded a picture of another old sex partner on her Facebook page. She was defensive and a large argument happened before she apologized and removed him as a friend and removed the picture. I think she was defensive because she knew she was wrong and tried to justify the action, which in my mind there was no justification.

If your wife can't admit wrong which nothing she did was right, you may have bigger problems.


----------



## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

I have thought about this post over night and have to say.

you indicated that she has done this in the past (or acted simaliar)

Is this what you want to be hooked up to the rest of your life?

think about that real long and hard. As your thinking about it start an exit plan(you might not use it) but will be prepared if you need to use it.


good luck.


----------



## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

OP

I agree with just about everything posters are saying. I agree you should take a very tough stance on this. here's how I think I would react in the immediate aftermath of something like this, i.e. if my wife did something like this:

a. I'd let her know that she did not embarass me by what she did, she HUMILIATED me.
b. I'd explain that I don't want my coworkers and friends to think I'm married to a wh0re - and let her react to my use of that term in any way she saw fit. without apology from me, ever.......
c. I'd assure her that I'm thinking of ways to pay her back, next time we are with a group of friends, and intend to.

anyway, that's just how I'd respond, for better or worse.....not recommending either way..


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Your wife got a lap dance. I would never take her out again. Left alone she would probably have had sex with him. Not cool.

Compare this to the pancakes and boxers thread.

This was not an inappropriate joke because it wasn't a joke. It was a physical action. Honestly she should sleep on the couch for a month whole you decode of you even want to be married to her any longer.


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

Your beef is with your wife, not anyone else. If she acts like that with other guys AROUND YOU, just imagine what's it's like when you are not around.

That is completely disrespectful and inappropriate to you. I would have a HUGE problem with my wife if she was to do that.

For starters, there would be no more alcohol, as clearly she can't control herself under influence (which is normal btw, most people can't once they get buzzed).

Time to go over boundaries as well....amongst many other things.

Clearly your coworkers AND your wife have very little respect for you. I would highly recommend staying away from such get together as well, keep your co worker relationship business only. I've done friend thing at work # of times and each time it came back to bite me in the ass......no more for me. Friendly and we do get together to play sports here and there, but no hanging out etc.


----------



## sundown1965 (Dec 20, 2011)

Ok first thank you all for the input...It helps to know I'm not crazy or overreacting..

I have done what alot of you have advised already..

I did come down HARD on the guy and he knows he screwed up and will never even make a comment about her again..

I have told her she crossed a major boundary for me even if she does not agree and it better not happen again.

I always try to be fair and see the other side of a situation.. so....

To be fair We have a good marriage get along great 95% time good sex life etc.

We do not have issues with her flirting with other men, dressing provocatively or normally acting inappropriate.
I am very sensitive to those things and she knows it and normally respects it..

So this is not a regular occurrence. The past incidences have been isolated and always something she got "sucked into" usually with friends

I also forgot what could be an important point in why things were handled the way they were that night by her and by me.

The reason 25 or more of us were at the brewery was to celebrate the guys 25th birthday.....

the brewery was closing and he wanted to continue his birthday party in the bars, when he saw my wife walking out to go home is when he picked her up.

OK so here is what I can gather is my wife's feeling and recollection about what happened.

She agrees that he was wrong to pick her up and start the thrusting, she thought he was just going to carry her the few steps back into the patio and put her down, ok its his birthday and he's drunk.....

when the trusting and whooping from the crowd started she was totally taken by surprise, and uncomfortable, nervous, embarrassed, but it happened so fast and was over in a few seconds 


the laughter was from being surprised, embarrassed, and uncomfortable, but (as someone said earlier) not wanting to be a party pooper or cause a scene and ruin everyone's night and his birthday.the second time was pure peer pressure and not wanting again to be a party pooper etc. so she was going along uncomfortably to appease her friend with the cellphone, everyone seemed to think it was funny so... no harm no foul and the whole incident was no longer than 20 seconds not enough time to think. but really just a stupid joke by a drunk kid and I should not be mad at her for going along so as to not make a scene and ruin everyones evening.

I believe this to be a pretty accurate view of the events as she sees it and how she was feeling that night..

But I still don't think its ok to dismiss my view and my feelings.
and to not accept responsibility for her actions or at least for making bad choices in the heat of an awkward situation.

I will not be able to respond for a few hours but keep the comments coming it is helping me to sort this out


----------



## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

GusPolinski said:


> AYFKM?!? Everyone was whooping, laughing, and cheering them on BECAUSE THEY WERE F*CKING DRUNK!!!
> 
> Repeat after me... You're not wrong, it wasn't "just a joke", you're not being "too sensitive", and you're not being "controlling". Your co-worker was testing boundaries, and your wife was more than willing to go along w/ it.
> 
> ...


I think the problem is less him and more (much more) her.

Guys like that are a dime a dozen. We all know them, or at least see them around in bars, etc. For those of us who trust our partners, these guys are no threat. They really only prey upon the women who are receptive to this type of behavior.

Your wife, unfortunately, is a sucker for this, apparently. This is not the first time she's done stuff like this, and not the first guy she's done it with.

I kid you not, I am not one to pull out the "D" word that easily. I believe just about everything can be worked on and resolved, or should at least be attempted provided both parties WANT to. In your case, there is no respect or consideration for your feelings. She KNOWS that it makes you look bad when she does this stuff, she's just playing dumb. She doesn't care what you look like. In fact, it may even be on purpose.

She's checked out, plain and simple. There are different stages in this process, with the final (and worst) one being that they no longer care what you think, how you feel, or how others think of you, to the point of public embarrassment. If anything, it's flaunting the fact that she has checked out and she doesn't care who knows it. When the lack of respect has gone this deep, it's not usually possible to regain it.

If this was my wife, she'd be gone.

My ex wife did this to me for a couple of years before we split up. Actively flirting and being flirted with by guys right in front of me. If I reacted to this, I would be berated by her right then and there. If I saved my displeasure for later, she'd tell me I was crazy and she was just being friendly.


----------



## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

Sundown,

If your wife does those things while you are watching, what does she do when you are not?


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

sundown1965 said:


> We do not have issues with her flirting with other men, dressing provocatively or normally acting inappropriate.
> I am very sensitive to those things and she knows it and normally respects it..
> 
> So this is not a regular acourance. The past incidences have been isolated and always something she got "sucked into" usually with friends


In that case, she has to WORK HARD and show you that she is able to control herself and RESPECT not only herself but you and your marriage.

This means, until she does so, she should probably not put herself into situations where she is vulnerable. 

She needs to work HARD on this. As right now, I'm sure your mind is all over the place and her past behaviors has undoubtedly questioned her trust and loyalty to you.

It's HER job to change and gain self control etc. 




sundown1965 said:


> She agrees that he was wrong to pick her up and start the thrusting, she thought he was just going to carry her the few steps back into the patio and put her down, ok its his birthday and he's drunk.....
> 
> when the trusting and whooping from the crowd started she was totally taken by surprise, and uncomfortable, nervous, embarrassed, but it happened so fast and was over in a few seconds
> 
> ...


She will have to be up front and be strong with other people.

THEY WILL ONLY DO WHAT SHE ALLOWS THEM TO DO!!!!

You already know that there is man out there that have such game/looks that they will scoop her up and spit her out inside out......as things stand right now.

Do you feel that other people should have that power/option with your wife?

It's her responsibility to change that as a wife/married person. 

FAST

Her behavior and actions are similar to those that don't give a crap about their marriage and cheat.

I think you made a mistake by going to your co workers, if anything your wife should and set their ass straight RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU!!!

You are doing the work that she should be doing!!!


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

sundown1965 said:


> So this is not a regular occurrence. The past incidences have been isolated and always something she got "sucked into" usually with friends


If there's more than one incidence than it's not "an isolated incident".

Nice job of blameshifting right there.

You've done a fairly good job of rationalizing the entire situation. 

Hope that works out for you.


----------



## sundown1965 (Dec 20, 2011)

What baffles me is that she agrees "HE" was wrong to do the thrusting.

She agrees I should have been mad at him for doing it,

But does not think I should be the slightest bit upset with her for going along with it or for doing it a second time.....

All because he started it and she was just going along to appease the crowd........


----------



## dormant (Apr 3, 2012)

That's total BS


----------



## TRy (Sep 14, 2011)

sundown1965 said:


> So this is not a regular occurrence. The past incidences have been isolated and always something she got "sucked into" usually with friends


 If there were "past incidences" (note that this is plural), then she has done things like this with other men multiple times in the past. This means that by definition this was not an isolated incident. 



sundown1965 said:


> the laughter was from being surprised, embarrassed, and uncomfortable, but (as someone said earlier) not wanting to be a party pooper or cause a scene and ruin everyone's night and his birthday.the second time was pure peer pressure and not wanting again to be a party pooper etc. so she was going along uncomfortably to appease her friend with the cellphone, everyone seemed to think it was funny so... no harm no foul and the whole incident was no longer than 20 seconds not enough time to think. but really just a stupid joke by a drunk kid and I should not be mad at her for going along so as to not make a scene and ruin everyones evening.
> 
> I believe this to be a pretty accurate view of the events as she sees it and how she was feeling that night.


 Nice rationalization. This is why she will do something like this again.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

sundown1965 said:


> Ok first thank you all for the input...It helps to know I'm not crazy or overreacting..
> 
> I have done what alot of you have advised already..
> 
> ...


So in other words, she was more concerned with someone thinking she might be rude, or a party pooper, than being disrespectful to her husband...unfortunately, we see this all the time...seems pretty common actually...the opinions of others, many times even complete strangers end up meaning more than their own spouse...


----------



## DoF (Mar 27, 2014)

samyeagar said:


> So in other words, she was more concerned with someone thinking she might be rude, or a party pooper, than being disrespectful to her husband...unfortunately, we see this all the time...seems pretty common actually...the opinions of others, many times even complete strangers end up meaning more than their own spouse...


Sad but true for MANY people

Glad I learned this lesson in my early 20s

Not only disrespectful to her husband and marriage but also herself. Even if she was single, behavior like that is on par with a spring break college student.

She is in her 40s........


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

I think the good old 180 is in order until she starts showing some remorse for her behavior and some sympathy for her husbands feelings. Why should she reap the benefits of marriage when she feels she has no responsibility towards him?


----------



## bigbearsfan (Feb 11, 2014)

What a bunch of blame shifting BS was that sundown.
She's a big girl, she made her choices, if she was that uncomfortable, then why did she go back for round 2? Oh that's right, peer pressure.
So I guess if everyone else was having a good time and decided to jump off a bridge, she would to just jump to because she didn't want to ruin the fun or feelings. BS!
She went back cause she liked it! plain and simple!

So here's a question, you said her friend took the pic. What happened to the pic? Does your wife have it in an email or txt message on her phone?


----------



## bigbearsfan (Feb 11, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> I think the good old 180 is in order until she starts showing some remorse for her behavior and some sympathy for her husbands feelings. Why should she reap the benefits of marriage when she feels she has no responsibility towards him?


:iagree: Amen!


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

Don't downplay this like you are doing. She does flirt with other men. She does have boundary issues.

Don't go all nice guy/justify why she isn't a bad person on us. You have a very seriius problem on your hands because if she will do this in front of you... She would cheat behind your back. 

She has given you ample insight into her true desire to be wanted by other men. Don't be foolish and tell your eyes not to believe what they have seen.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

bandit.45 said:


> I think the good old 180 is in order until she starts showing some remorse for her behavior and some sympathy for her husbands feelings. Why should she reap the benefits of marriage when she feels she has no responsibility towards him?


You're advocating the 180 as a passive/aggressive manipulative tool to get her to change her behavior.

Sort of like giving her the ole' silent treatment until she comes around.

Perhaps if they were still in grade school that might work.


----------



## syhoybenden (Feb 21, 2013)

bigbearsfan said:


> What a bunch of blame shifting BS was that sundown.
> She's a big girl, she made her choices, if she was that uncomfortable, then why did she go back for round 2? Oh that's right, peer pressure.
> So I guess if everyone else was having a good time and decided to jump off a bridge, she would to just jump to because she didn't want to ruin the fun or feelings. BS!
> She went back cause she liked it! plain and simple!
> ...



Might be interesting to find out where copies of that pic have ended up going to. 

Maybe you could get a copy of it blown up to an 8 x 10 print and frame it for her. Perhaps she'd like it for her desk or on her night table.


----------



## nuclearnightmare (May 15, 2013)

Sundown - 

does your wife have a drinking problem? is she an alcoholic?
also - do you guys have kids? haven't read mention of that


----------



## clipclop2 (Aug 16, 2013)

He either acts like a man or she will end up cheating. And sit she may have already at some point in her life.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

sundown1965 said:


> What baffles me is that she agrees "HE" was wrong to do the thrusting.
> 
> She agrees I should have been mad at him for doing it,
> 
> ...






This is what concerns me so much about your wife behavior this need to give into peer pressure which can be quite dangerous in any social situation but then on top of that her defensive behavior which sends up even more *red flags* 



I have to ask myself what would have happen if the OP was not there at the party say out of town with alcohol, peer pressure, and no supervision I get the feeling this could have been a lot more worse for you and your wife weather it be a drunken one night stand or possible date rape if this was a one time occurrence I would suggest just talking about enforcing boundaries but you have stated she does this quite often in social situation with men with the latter event being the most egregious *your wife needs to understand basic boundaries asap and understand the consequences of breaking those boundaries *


----------



## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

She is NOT the victim in this. Not the first time nor the second time. If someone picked me up and I didn't want to make a big deal of it- but was not ok w it either- I keep my LEGS STRAIGHT and my elbows bent WITH MY HANDS PRESSED AGAINST HIS COLLARBONE- until they put me down- in a manner that slightly suggests- hey I don't want to spoil the fun and slap u- so I'm going to hold my hands in a manner so that out faces don't end up close. 

She wrapped her legs around him. Put her arms around his neck. And let him thrust. Then repeated it. And immortalized it on picture. 

Furthermore she didn't apologize to you. And he did. 

Find a buddy with a hot younger wife who understands your side. And will allow you to do the same. Minus the thrusting. Take a pic of it in front of a group of 25 and her. 

She embarrassed you. And didn't even think to apologize. She is NOT the victim.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

xakulax said:


> This is what concerns me so much about your wife behavior this need to give into peer pressure which can be quite dangerous in any social situation but then on top of that her defensive behavior which sends up even more *red flags*
> 
> 
> 
> I have to ask myself what would have happen if the OP was not there at the party say out of town with alcohol, peer pressure, and no supervision I get the feeling this could have been a lot more worse for you and your wife weather it be a drunken one night stand or possible date rape if this was a one time occurrence I would suggest just talking about enforcing boundaries but you have stated she does this quite often in social situation with men with the latter event being the most egregious *your wife needs to understand basic boundaries asap and understand the consequences of breaking those boundaries *


And develop a basic reflexive respect for her marriage and husband, regardless of the situation she finds herself in.


----------



## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

And for the record. All the men were laughing WITH the male coworker doing the thrusting. And all the women were laughing AT your wife. making a fool of herself.


----------



## samyeagar (May 14, 2012)

IcePrincess28 said:


> She is NOT the victim in this. Not the first time nor the second time. *If someone picked me up and I didn't want to make a big deal of it- but was not ok w it either- I keep my LEGS STRAIGHT and my elbows bent WITH MY HANDS PRESSED AGAINST HIS COLLARBONE- until they put me down- in a manner that slightly suggests- hey I don't want to spoil the fun and slap u- so I'm going to hold my hands in a manner so that out faces don't end up close.*
> 
> She wrapped her legs around him. Put her arms around his neck. And let him thrust. Then repeated it. And immortalized it on picture.
> 
> ...


See, I'm not even sure about this...yeah, it is a bit less cooperative than the OP's wife, but I'm the type that has no issues creating waves and calling people out right then and there...I don't feel any obligation to protect them from themselves.


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

This has been happening for years. Your wife has inappropriate behavior issues and blames it on her friends, the situation, booze, etc., and then she calls you controlling, crazy, etc. 

How did you not smash a bottle and yell across the room to these 2 idiots? 
How many other women does this young dude grab and air-fawk in front of their husbands, or is it just your wife?
What kind of vibe is she sending out that this guy would think it's okay? I guess it's fine, since she hopped back up for pictures.

You've mentioned she gets inappropriate with guys every couple months and you guys fight about it, then you eat crow and she does it again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

In your other thread about the GNO, she was hardly forthcoming with answers about the 2:am party with radom dudes and deleting of pictures...which is hiding evidence. Her friends are all toxic too?

What's your breaking point?
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care about your feelings? 

If my girlfriend or wife jumped up for a second time so people could take pictures, we're done. I would NEVER do that to my girl, and I would never accept that from her.

Find some new friends. Think of the message they all received about you and your party-girl wife. She's down for it, and you won't do anything to stop it.

For me, I would seriously consider divorce over something like this. I don't want to be with someone who can't even acknowledge what they did was wrong, and in turn, gets mad at you for being upset.

Your wife is the Queen of Blame-shifting. Kick the legs out from under her throne.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

IcePrincess28 said:


> And for the record. All the men were laughing WITH the male coworker doing the thrusting. And all the women were laughing AT your wife. making a fool of herself.




:iagree::iagree:



On a side note OP is your wife still walking around your house with no clothes on with your sons home I remember you saying in one of your earlier threads this was also an issue


----------



## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

Again can I emphasize- if a foreign genital moved itself within proximity to my lady parts- I don't respond by OPENING & WRAPPING my legs around it.

And how could you've not known that she is am attention seeker if she walks around naked in the presence of your son....


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

Based on your other thread... your wife is a teasing wh*re, a girls night out sl*t, gets her jollies off by getting other guys' rocks off.

You are really a cuckold. Every time she does this she JUSTIFIES it by implying you are not cool, you're a square, every one else "gets it" but you.

This crops up every few months in a 20-year marriage.

Man, what are you waiting for? Pull the plug on this narcissistic wh*re!! Grow some b*lls!!


----------



## Clay2013 (Oct 30, 2013)

I can't imagine how well I would have handled that. I am sure I would not be around this friend again with my wife. I would make it clear that friendship is over with. Its not just inappropriate to do to your wife its really disrespectful to do to you. Doesn't really sound like he was a friend in the first place. 

Your wife is a different problem all together. If she defended this then there is more problems in your marriage than you are aware of. Women that love their husbands do not let other men touch them in any way that is inappropriate and she would have made that clear within seconds of him. 

It sounds like your starting to do some reasoning with but it sounds like your going to need alot more help. I can imagine others already suggested this. I would seriously consider MC. 

Clay


----------



## bandit.45 (Feb 8, 2012)

lenzi said:


> You're advocating the 180 as a passive/aggressive manipulative tool to get her to change her behavior.
> 
> Sort of like giving her the ole' silent treatment until she comes around.
> 
> Perhaps if they were still in grade school that might work.



You're right. I just read about her GNO shenanigans. 

Correction...

He should divorce her.


----------



## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

Revamped said:


> Yeah, you should have punched the dude.
> 
> And your your wife, too.
> 
> ...


yes to punching the dude, no to hitting your W. Even just walking up and making a show of it that he needs to get his hands off her and put her back down on the ground would have "staked your claim" to your W. This is about more than just your W being attracted enough to the guy to let him do that to her in a social setting, it was about him demonstrating his superior socio-sexual status above you. If any man EVER does that to your spouse, put your balls up to the line and shut him down. Who cares if you look like a controlling ass, atleast you are commanding some respect for yourself.


----------



## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

bandit.45 said:


> You're right. I just read about her GNO shenanigans.
> 
> Correction...
> 
> He should divorce her.


Read the OP in his other thread.


----------



## GTdad (Aug 15, 2011)

GusPolinski said:


> Read the OP in his other thread.


It's enough to make you wonder about the, you know, veracity of things.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

GTdad said:


> It's enough to make you wonder about the, you know, veracity of things.



As much as I would love to say troll I think this is legit


----------



## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

Ugh that other thread made me feel nauseated. I can't imagine being married to someone that gross and inappropriate. Apparently it doesn't matter if it's children or adults with this woman. Sick, filthy, nasty woman.

OP in my opinion, this is largely your fault. You're with a woman who validates her worth by exposing herself and letting others exploit her. And you've let her. I can see why she can't admit she's done anything wrong... She has a personality disorder or mental illness. Since you clearly aren't going to do anything about it, I'd advise you start wearing condoms. 

Women like this generally screw around a lot. Protect your junk.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

*So no one has a dig for it here is the post in question about the OP's wife's girls night out*


about two years ago my wife and three married girlfriends went on an out of town girls getaway. they are all early forties and very attractive ladies.
yes they did the spa, shopping thing, but they also went to clubs at night.
my wife said they did not drink much and just visited and people watched.
she did say that the second night a group of about six guys late twenties/early thirties came in and one had on a "grrom to be" T-shirt.
she said that one of her friends(the ringleader) was teasing the groom a little.
this was a very packed hotspot by the way..
she said none of the other girls had any contact with them.
I think she admitted that much in case it ever came up in conversation with our friends.
Even though I was uncomfortable, i didn't make waves,
So a few days after she gets home she asks me to dowload the pictures of the trip and put them all on a dik for her friends.
She did not know that I have software to recover deleted pictures from a memory stick.

there were several pictures of the girls at this club dressed very sexy, low cut shirts, tons of makeup etc.

In these deleted pictures the girls were intoxicated with shot glasses all over the table. several pictures of these guys at the table with them, hugging for the snapshot, and some of the girls dancing with these guys, some dirty dancing, 
yes they seemed to be laughing and having fun, but is that appropriate??
when I confronted my wife she said that the ringleader invited them over and she felt she had to go along...and not be rude.

*she usually would call me when they got back to their room to tell me goodnight, that night I just got a text at 11:00 saying they were back and going to bed. the date time stamp on the deleted pictures went till almost 2:00 AM
*
Do I think they all got laid?? no, But seeking attention from other men for an ego boost and to prove to yourself that you still "got It" is wrong.
Trust is a terrible thing to waste for an ego boost.


----------



## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Nikita2270 (Mar 22, 2014)

Lol....what a train wreck.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Sounds like an odd Hotwife fantasy thing going on. I mean that first thread from 2012, he never came back to respond and it was 3 pages long.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Certainly makes me rethink things.


----------



## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

And if there's even a small part of you that thinks this is just the downside to having a "hot wife" I assure you. You're wrong. 

Being attractive doesn't mean u get a pass for acting like that. On a separate note - I personally do not know ANY attractive females who act like that.


----------



## Regret214 (Apr 22, 2012)

Being a Hotwife and a hot wife are separate.

An unattractive woman can still be a Hotwife.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

sundown1965 said:


> She says she was the victim in all this and it was all his fault, and keeps saying she did nothing wrong.


If she did nothing wrong, then a victim of what? She said it was fun. No victim there.

Your wife is full of sh!t




> I told her that I believed that she did not know he was going to do that but if she felt she was a "victim" and was not ok with him simulating sex and thrusting into her than she should not have "gone along" with it, that all she had to do was unwrap her legs and get down


Exactly. Only way her legs would be around him is if SHE PUT THEM THERE




> She keeps saying that she did nothing wrong, she is the victim, and it was just a joke and there is no reason I should have been upset about it. She says I am totally over reacting and she is very angry that I won't agree with her.


Did you remind her that she told someone else that it was "fun"?




> She will not see how inappropriate that it was, and does not care about how I felt watching her do that.


My x-wife did the same sort of thing and didn't care about how I felt about "simulated sex" with someone else on a dancefloor.

Notice I said *X*-wife.


I hate to say this, but the behavior of your wife is disrespectful and she is the type of person that WILL physically cheat on you, if she hasn't already. 

She let the guy do it.
She is the one that wrapped her legs around him.
She is the one that told someone else it was fun
She is the one that enjoyed acting like she was being f***d by another guy.........and you are the jerk?

I don't see this marriage lasting. She is a POS.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

GusPolinski said:


> Read the OP in his other thread.


From that other thread:

_We often have 14 and 15 year old high school freshman boys spend the night sometimes as many as 5 or six.
my wife goes braless around the house in a form fitting tshirt to be comfortable. she says she feels no need to put a bra on when they have friends over,as I said she is a D cup and has very long protruding nipples, not to be graphic but when she goes braless it is very obvious..."

She puts her makeup on, naked in front of a floor to ceiling mirrored closet door sitting on the floor "indian style" legs open fully exposing her open "lady parts" (which she keeps completely shaved) in the mirror as the boys are showering shaving etc. she says she stays naked while putting her makeup on to give her body lotion time to dry.

We have a large master bathroom with a big walk in shower with two showerheads, she often showers with one of our boys in the morning. every school morning they all 4 are in the master bath, naked getting ready and showering etc._

I think someone's having fun out our expense although I'll admit that the line about the D cup and the long protruding nipples and the tight fitting Tshirt made my d-ick sort of twitch a little bit.


----------



## xakulax (Feb 9, 2014)

lenzi said:


> From that other thread:
> 
> _We often have 14 and 15 year old high school freshman boys spend the night sometimes as many as 5 or six.
> my wife goes braless around the house in a form fitting tshirt to be comfortable. she says she feels no need to put a bra on when they have friends over,as I said she is a D cup and has very long protruding nipples, not to be graphic but when she goes braless it is very obvious..."
> ...




:rofl::rofl::rofl: yeah same reaction here


----------



## vellocet (Oct 18, 2013)

Oh man, just read about her other crap, GNO's, etc.

Ok, now I say document everything she does, anything that shows her to be unstable and divorce her and fight for custody.


----------



## ConstantSpeed (May 1, 2012)

When I see a man asked why his wife would have a problem with going to the strip club I am going to send him to this thread and ask how he would feel if his wife was getting her jollies on.
When a wife gets a lap dance = divorce.
When a husband gets a lap dance = it’s okay.
Either way I think the mere act of basically dry humping each other is disrespectful to the marriage whether it’s the wife or husband. OP- does your wife typically do these type of acts when she is typsy? Or does she do it when she is sober also?


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

OP, I already knew your story... remembered it from before.

Went back, re-read it, vomited in my mouth.

Your wife is sick, YOU are sick, your whole marriage is effed up.

I have a 20-year-old son. His friends are at my house CONSTANTLY. I am also a double-D cup... I can't IMAGINE parading around the house bra-less with my headlights shining, bathing with my male son with my shaved va-jay-jay hanging out, trolloping around in front of him and his friends.

Think there's any difference because your sons are a bit younger?! *Ummmmm.... NO!!!!*

*If your wife is dry-humping hot studs at a bar, you DESERVE it!! What have you done to curtail this sickness?!?!*

If children's services were called, you would LOSE YOUR BOYS in an *incest investigation*. What the h*ll is WRONG with you?!?! I hope to God someone calls the authorities on your effed-up wife.

You are either a complete troll, or you are completely DELUDED.


----------



## tulsy (Nov 30, 2012)

ConstantSpeed said:


> When I see a man asked why his wife would have a problem with going to the strip club I am going to send him to this thread and ask how he would feel if his wife was getting her jollies on.
> When a wife gets a lap dance = divorce.
> When a husband gets a lap dance = it’s okay.
> Either way I think the mere act of basically dry humping each other is disrespectful to the marriage whether it’s the wife or husband. OP- does your wife typically do these type of acts when she is typsy? Or does she do it when she is sober also?


Neither are okay. 

Who ever said married men getting lap dances was fine?

And for clarity, this wasn't a lapdance. Unless you know strip clubs where men wrap their legs around the strippers, and do it in front of all their friends while embarrassing their wife, and taking pictures. This was humiliating the spouse and worse than just a lapdance.

I don't know where you read that lapdances are fine for married men, but I never got that vibe here. If your spouse isn't cool with it, than it isn't cool behavior. If it hurts your spouse, it's wrong and you need to own it. The wife in this thread isn't sorry for anything, and instead tries to make the husband feel like he's in the wrong.


----------



## IcePrincess28 (Aug 4, 2014)

Regarding the OPs thread about his wife and sons bathing together. Your behaviors always influence your children's behaviors. 

One day one of your boys will a grown man, and without thinking- get in the shower with a 15 year old boy who happens To be his step son. Because he doesn't know any better. He thinks. I did this with mom. Why not with my wife's son. He will get charged with sexual misconduct and be on the local news faster than flies on ****.


----------



## lenzi (Apr 10, 2012)

IcePrincess28 said:


> Regarding the OPs thread about his wife and sons bathing together. Your behaviors always influence your children's behaviors.
> 
> One day one of your boys will a grown man, and without thinking- get in the shower with a 15 year old boy who happens To be his step son. Because he doesn't know any better. He thinks. I did this with mom. Why not with my wife's son. He will get charged with sexual misconduct and be on the local news faster than flies on ****.


I'm wondering if the boys are still breast feeding.


----------



## phoenix_ (Dec 20, 2013)

I cringed just reading that OP. I can't believe you kept it in as long as you did.
Your wife is messed up and she's trying to blame you for riding another guy??? Wow.


----------



## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

ConstantSpeed said:


> does she do it when she is sober also?



Does it matter?


----------



## donny64 (Apr 21, 2012)

sundown1965 said:


> Ok first thank you all for the input...It helps to know I'm not crazy or overreacting..
> 
> I have done what alot of you have advised already..
> 
> ...


For what it's worth...you screwed up. instead of doing what you should have done, you're listening to bullchit excuses and apologies, and making your own. 

I cannot fathom any man doing that to my wife, ESPECIALLY in my presence. She'd not allow it, and he'd have known long before then he could not get away with it. 

He's out-alpha'ing you in front of your wife, and doing a good job of it. Don't think for a second she doesn't see it, and know it. And has lost even more respect for you than what she apparently already had to allow for this to happen. 

Next time you walk up, tell him to put her down, and tell him to keep his hands off your wife. If he gives you lip, you knock him on his azz. 

She expects that from her "man", as do other men. If you don't "defend" her, she, and the other men participating or watching know you're weak, and know she's easy prey for a strong man. 

Short of my best friend who I've known all my life, or her brother, I cannot imagine any dude trying something like that with my wife without leaving leaking blood.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


----------



## happy as a clam (Jan 5, 2014)

At VERY high risk of being banned... but here goes anyway.

Meh...


----------



## 6301 (May 11, 2013)

sundown1965 said:


> Ok first thank you all for the input...It helps to know I'm not crazy or overreacting..
> 
> I have done what alot of you have advised already..
> 
> ...


 Brother, she gave you a load of "shinola" with that excuse.

She still wont admit to wrong doing and to be honest the incident is over but what you need to do is worry about the next time and there will be a next time.

You better lay down some ground rules and let her know that if she oversteps the rules again, then she better find a good lawyer.

What your doing is making excuses for her piss poor behavior and lack of respect. That's why she's doing what she wants with little or no worry.

If you have to, post the rules in every room in the house so she memorizes them and if she does it again, then throw her ass out and file. Maybe that will wake her up but please for your sake, stop making excuses for her.


----------



## inquizitivemind (Jul 16, 2013)

EW! Just EW to this post and his other posts. TOTALLY grossed out now. I don't know how some people stay married to others. 

Disgusting!


----------



## phoenix_ (Dec 20, 2013)

donny64 said:


> For what it's worth...you screwed up. instead of doing what you should have done, you're listening to bullchit excuses and apologies, and making your own.
> 
> I cannot fathom any man doing that to my wife, ESPECIALLY in my presence. She'd not allow it, and he'd have known long before then he could not get away with it.
> 
> ...


You make it seem like he's responsible for her stupid behaviour. As his wife it's her job to be respectful of her husband and show that respect in every situation. She screwed up, not him. 

I really hate this mentality where people think that you have to constantly monitor your woman so she doesn't slip away from you. Women who need that are worthless.


----------



## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

happy as a clam said:


> OP, I already knew your story... remembered it from before.
> 
> Went back, re-read it, vomited in my mouth.
> 
> ...


Well I'll be.....the story apparently has a twist. If what is written here is true....I would simply walk away.


----------



## Coffee Amore (Dec 15, 2011)

This was someone with more than one account and more than one story here. Thread closed.


----------

