# Dealing with lack of sex while getting divorced



## freefool (Apr 16, 2016)

Hi. First time male poster here, 40.

I am currently going through separation and a divorce. My wife left me as she was not happy and doesn't love me. I still love her. We do have a lot of issues and may be in the long run its for the best.

However, she has moved on quickly and I am certain she has had sex with a friend since she left 3 weeks ago. I am holding on to the good bits of our marriage and it gets me down when I know she is going with someone else.

I miss the companionship and physical aspect. My sex drive was medium, hers not much better. I am missing the sex though. She never really did much for me, no BJ since the early days 6 years ago.

Having said that my wife is so hot, she will have men falling over her. I loved her riding me and face sitting was unreal. I only really discovered face sitting was so good recently.

I can't stop thinking about it now she's gone. I told her I will miss that. I don't think I will find anyone better than her even though we had issues and it is for the best.

It is so confusing. Anyone else been confused from a situation like this? I know I am clinging on to the sex aspect but I know I will never date anyone as hot as her.

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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Sorry for your situation but the biological fact is that it is not a unique situation. Women, whether totally hot or not, can get laid at will anywhere they go or anytime they want to. Because men have been chasing them since prehistoric times.

You will have more success finding women if you can let go of this hope you are clinging to and accept she is gone. Not saying that is easy, but it's a must if you are to get out there into the dating pool.

You can do it. Not sure why she left but would not be too surprised if she had been having a boyfriend before she left. 

Get some therapy IC, get involved in some activities. It takes men more time in most cases. Quite honestly, that fear of needing to find sex is probably what causes many men to put up with infidelity and cheating and still stay.

If necessary, get some meds for anxiety. No shame in that


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## Mr.StrongMan (Feb 10, 2016)

Hi FreeFool,
I'm sorry for what you are going through. Perhaps you can have a more healthy username? I am most certain you are NOT fool.  

My marriage is a sexless marriage. It has gone from sex once every 3 months for 16 years to NO SEX AT ALL. 

I wish you the best. You will get very good advice here. I wish I had some advice to give you. Just remember to have self respect. That's something I am really working hard at myself.


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## freefool (Apr 16, 2016)

Thanks. She told me she only had thoughts of other men before she left. I honestly believe her. We both cannot lie to each other. She hadn't cheated til she left.

I remember the bad times between us and think it is the right thing to end it. She has medical issues that bring stress to both of us. I get blamed a lot when she vents stress caused by other things.

I still love her though for all her issues and remember the good sex. Only time will help really.

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## MrsAldi (Apr 15, 2016)

Hi you say she was so hot & you don't think you could find anyone better? I think you could get someone better & hotter!!! You sound like a decent guy. Don't chase after her for a while and see if she comes back.

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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Why is better and hotter the goal? 

Why not more compatible? 

Maybe your focus on hotness is your problem. 

In the mean time, focus on making yourself the best guy you can be, both physically and mentally/emotionally. 

It's not reasonable to demand hotter than you.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

I suggest looking into therapy. You are setting up all future women as failures. You have fallen into a hole that's not really marriage related, but just something when any guy is obsessed with the looks of a woman they are with. I get it, it can be tough. But you will end up thinking about her when with other women and you'll really end up hurting yourself long term.

I don't know what the solution is, my wife is pretty hot and I don't want to have sex after we fight regardless of the circumstance. You should really find some help to assist you refocusing your desires to something more substantial than looks. Even if you don't find someone as hot, it can definitely be as hot if you are emotionally involved.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## jdesey (Dec 6, 2015)

I held off for 2 years! Finally I discovered Escorts. Don't go crazy on me. It's not what you may think. Anyway. It was female attention and sex until I got going with dating.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I was in a once-a-week marriage. After my ex left I went thru the same issues. It is hard, but it will be worth it if you want it to be. First off you can find release yourself. And while you are at it, focus on yourself. It sounds like you have her on a pedestal and you need to stop that right now. You will discover that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. get a copy of No More Mr Nice Guy and read it, it sounds like you need it.


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## Capster (Jun 10, 2014)

freefool said:


> Thanks. She told me she only had thoughts of other men before she left. I honestly believe her. We both cannot lie to each other. She hadn't cheated til she left.


Sounds like she was having at least an EA before she left, possibly with the friend.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

freefool said:


> ...I am currently going through separation and a divorce. .... I still love her. We do have a lot of issues and may be in the long run its for the best.
> 
> ....I am certain she has had sex with a friend since she left 3 weeks ago.
> 
> ...


You have gotten lots of good advice.

Get the book by Glover, No More Mr. Nice Guy.

Right now you are damaged goods from everything you have posted. You need to work on healing yourself. That means not being co-dependent on some woman for your happiness. That means you need to start doing things that make you feel good about who you are and give you self esteem and confidence.

When you make that change, you then start to become very attractive to lots of women. You owe it to yourself to do what Glover calls "Get a Life." You need to become a fascinating man who women want to be with. You also need to let go of your wife emotionally. She is gone. Think of her as an incredibly expensive and painful lesson in life. Live it, learn it, say good bye to it or her.

Move on with you life. As to the lack of sex, use this as a time to understand who you are and take charge of your own sexual happiness. There are lots of masturbation toys out there. Some may even make you a better lover for the next woman in your life. Figure out what you need, whether it is therapy, sex therapy, Getting a Life so you can heal from your experience. Remember don't get involved with a woman until you have been on your own for at least 6 months. Otherwise you will likely find yourself in a rebound relationship that isn't well thought out.

Good luck.


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## chillymorn (Aug 11, 2010)

rub one out when you have to. no big deal.

be more selective with your next woman


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## BetrayedDad (Aug 8, 2013)

freefool said:


> I loved her riding me and face sitting was unreal. I only really discovered face sitting was so good recently.


Cheer up buckaroo.... you'll find another woman to sit on your face in no time!


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