# Feel like a fool, I am at my limit



## feelfoolish (Aug 20, 2009)

My wife cheated on me several years ago. I am trying to trust her but since June, 2009 she has been going over to her friends house staying out until 12 or 1 AM during the week and spending the night on the weekends. She is always talking about Shawn. Shawn this or Shawn that. He calls her on her cell phone and they were having secret conversations. I am thinking they are messing around. One night his wife and kids are out of town and my wife was painting his kids room and he was out partying. She has him call her when he gets home from the party to know he is ok. He has a wife, why call mine? He is married and his wife is real trusting or a fool. Well a few weeks ago she tells me they are not having sex but she is smoking pot with him, his wife and their friends. I was livid but tried to be civil, I met him and explained to them I have an issue with my wife being alone for several hours with another guy married or not. I have asked them not to do this. My wife has been helping them paint their house for weeks. Not everyday but 2 or 3 times during the week and on the weekends. Shawns wife gets there about an hour or 2 after they do and she leaves around 8 or 9PM. She does not get home before 10PM on weekday nights, tonight was the only night they did not smoke pot. According to her. Still she didn't get home until 1AM. I do not want to write a book so here are my questons:


Am I the only guy here who would have a problem with this? 

If a married guy was hanging out with a woman painting her house until midnight, he would be a cheater. 

Asking her to be home by 9 or 10PM asking to much? 

Asking her not to be alone with him is asking to much? If his wife and kids are there and they leave I feel my wife should too. 

She doesn't see anything wrong with this at all. 

She has started to call me about every 2 hours or so while she is there to try to ease my mind but it is not working. 

She also says one of his, their friends comes over and hangs out with them. Hard for me to believe anything she says. 
This is suppose to make it ok? 

We have a 7 year old son and I always make sure I am home before he goes to bed to tuck him in at night. Unless out of town due to work or family emergencies. I do not do drugs and rarely ever drink alcohol. I am stressed and unemployed and it is my fault she stays out and does drugs. 

What should I do?

In a marriage it is ok to assume there are boundries?


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## Corpuswife (Apr 24, 2009)

feelfoolish said:


> My wife cheated on me several years ago. I am trying to trust her but since June, 2009 she has been going over to her friends house staying out until 12 or 1 AM during the week and spending the night on the weekends. She is always talking about Shawn. Shawn this or Shawn that. He calls her on her cell phone and they were having secret conversations. I am thinking they are messing around. One night his wife and kids are out of town and my wife was painting his kids room and he was out partying. She has him call her when he gets home from the party to know he is ok. He has a wife, why call mine? He is married and his wife is real trusting or a fool. Well a few weeks ago she tells me they are not having sex but she is smoking pot with him, his wife and their friends. I was livid but tried to be civil, I met him and explained to them I have an issue with my wife being alone for several hours with another guy married or not. I have asked them not to do this. My wife has been helping them paint their house for weeks. Not everyday but 2 or 3 times during the week and on the weekends. Shawns wife gets there about an hour or 2 after they do and she leaves around 8 or 9PM. She does not get home before 10PM on weekday nights, tonight was the only night they did not smoke pot. According to her. Still she didn't get home until 1AM. I do not want to write a book so here are my questons:
> 
> 
> Am I the only guy here who would have a problem with this?
> ...


Your last sentence strikes the bell! You NEED boundaries! In fact, she is behaving as if she is a single woman. Figure out what you are going to do, if your W doesn't shape up. 

What are you willing to put up with? You've already lived through affairs, now drugs, and her not being available for you or your son.

If you aren't willing to put up with this then figure out what you will do if she doesn't come around. When you figured it out, then give her your boundaries. If she doesn't live up to them, then put your plan in place.


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## feelfoolish (Aug 20, 2009)

No drugs around my house or my son 


she does this at her friends house 


thanks


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## mrs. lady (Aug 20, 2009)

It sounds like you need to have a long talk with your wife. Establish boundaries with her and discuss what you're willing and not willing to put up with maybe even writing them out so there is no question about it later. Once you've established some mutually agreed upon ground rules for your relationship hold her accountable. If she is not holding up her end of the bargain you might need to move on. If she is doing drugs then you would probably have little to no problem getting custody of your son. If that is the lifestyle your wife chooses to live that is on her but it doesn't sound like it's anything you or your child need to have anything to do with. You can't control what she is or isn't going to do, the only control you have are over the decisions you make about what is right for you and your son. 

Good luck.


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## feelfoolish (Aug 20, 2009)

mrs. lady said:


> It sounds like you need to have a long talk with your wife. Establish boundaries with her and discuss what you're willing and not willing to put up with maybe even writing them out so there is no question about it later. Once you've established some mutually agreed upon ground rules for your relationship hold her accountable. If she is not holding up her end of the bargain you might need to move on. If she is doing drugs then you would probably have little to no problem getting custody of your son. If that is the lifestyle your wife chooses to live that is on her but it doesn't sound like it's anything you or your child need to have anything to do with. You can't control what she is or isn't going to do, the only control you have are over the decisions you make about what is right for you and your son.
> 
> Good luck.



I am documenting things daily. If we can't agree to boundaries there is no relationship, she calls this control. I am trying to control who she can hang out with.


I am for what is it right and wrong!!!


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## feelfoolish (Aug 20, 2009)

I have not been a perfect husband, not sure what a perfect husband is. Any man perfect? I did apologize for this, not sure she would ever be satisfied.


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## Atholk (Jul 25, 2009)

feelfoolish said:


> I have not been a perfect husband, not sure what a perfect husband is. Any man perfect? I did apologize for this, not sure she would ever be satisfied.


Why would you apologize for not being perfect to a pot smoking cheating wife? Are the mirrors at your house calibrated right?

Time for a random tip off to the cops...


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