# Guys, how do you really feel about kids? could you leave one behind?



## grayhound (Jan 18, 2011)

I've met two or three guys who actually wanted kids... the rest of them are giving into their wives, doing what they think they HAVE to do or there was an "oops". I'm not sure if I want kids, but my husband is a definite "no" and always has been.

Guys, please be honest and give me your opinion on having kids... how it can/would change your life, if you do have kids would you do it all over again and before you were married did you ever think about it? 

I really want to know how you've changed since having kids.

Lastly... (and this is more personal) my dad sort of abandoned me and started a new family with four sons and his new wife. I am his only daughter. If you had a child you didn't see very often, and who you ignored, how would you feel about that? I know he's involved with his sons' lives, he just never showed an interest in mine. (I've tried several times to get his side of the story and he won't open up to me... would love to understand where he's coming from!)


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## whitesmm (Jan 27, 2011)

Hi my wife and i have been together for 7 and a half years married for 1 and a half. We have 3 children (4,2,6months) I am only 23 and my wife is 22 and it is the best thing we ever did.

The only thing i have to say about kids is make sure you are settled and ready. this is the only thing we found difficult is trying to get the right property or carrer when you already have larger commitments.


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## Crankshaw (Jan 12, 2011)

Generally, the kids are better of with their mother when a family split, but I'll tell ya, I wish I had my kids with me 95% of the time


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

Children are - simultaneously - the biggest source of aggravation and the biggest source of deep satisfaction in your life.

Good luck with our decision.


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## lastinline (Jul 21, 2009)

I don't think men can adequately answer that question until they have actually held their child for the first time, taught them to ride a bike, or clocked a few hundred hours doing homework.

It's an unfair question to ask until they have put in a few years of 50-60+ hour work weeks to pay for food, shelter, and clothes for their kids, or spent a few long nights comforting their kids while they are sick.

It's sort of like asking these "guys" grayhound what they think about Ghana. WTF are they going to know about Ghana unless they've actually been there?

I am a single father of six. I have 100% custody of our four older kids, and approximately 80% custody of the younger two. There is nothing that I would not give, sacrafice, or do for the betterment of my children.

Had you asked me if I wanted children when I met my STBX at 18; I would have given the standard "absolutely not" answer. I think it boils down to a maturity and perspective issue. If you choose to have kids and raise them properly, then by definition there is a paradigm shift from "self" to "other". 

I think this is very healthy for the development of an individual if you can successfully make the transition, but for some...that's a very big if. 

Ultimately love is about giving, sacraficing, and serving, and in that parenthood if proplerly done is an excellent arena for perfecting that ever so important trait. However, the problem with "arenas" is that sometimes they have lions, and on that difficult quest to grow and mature in love, you can be eaten alive if you're not careful and just a little bit lucky.

No one ever said parenthood was easy...just worthwhile.

LIL


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## Trenton (Aug 25, 2010)

Conrad said:


> Children are - simultaneously - the biggest source of aggravation and the biggest source of deep satisfaction in your life.


So true!


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## nice777guy (Nov 23, 2009)

I was terrified of having kids before I finally "gave in." I'd had little or no exposure to babies - and the ones I'd held always seemed to cry!

My girls are now 8 and 11 and I truly don't know what I did with my time before they were here. I know I watch a lot less TV now - but that seems like a good thing. 

Could not imagine life without them.

But also agree that you should have some time alone first as a couple. We waited about 5 years - and I think that was good.

I don't think I ever would have said "OK - I'm ready" on my own. But once it happened, it's been awesome.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

Me & My husband have 6 and I can tell you he is better with them than Me -generally. He is wonderful at helping them with their homework, more willing to sit down & play board games in comparison to me who gets very bored with that. But I do it, I know this is a part of being a Mom. 

It was I who wanted all of these kids , which he reminds me at times, but it is he who has more of the patience to deal with them "in kindness" many times. 

I know my husband would NEVER abandon his kids, he is just NOT that type of man. He can not even eat the last cookie, everything has to be SAVED for the childen, very giving. 

In fact, the ONLY thing he tells me that he could NEVER forgive is If I did anything to hurt one of them. Which he knows I never would of coarse, but that statement is just another testament to his commitment & love to his kids. 

I know of a wonderful Man in his later 20's , even does Youth Leading now, he had a child out of wedlock, the ex-girlfriend moved to another state , he used to try to write her letters & the disgrunted MOM sent them back for years, I doubt his little girl will ever know this, that her mother Blocked this relationship with her Father. He eventully gave up, feeling God has His hand on her, but thinks of her often. I found the story a little odd, but did not want to judge him, I dont know if he ever even seen this daughter! 

Is it at all possible that your Father was given any "grief" over contacting you? troubles with your mom's side of the family? NOt that this is any excuse mind you, but I I've heard stories like this before. 

Even in my Step Mothers sitatution, alot of threats were made by the hurting spouse -involving their children after the divorce & I know the relationship between even the Mother & her kids was severely disabled due to his threats & attitude.


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## 4sure (Aug 8, 2010)

My husband is the one who wanted all the children I did not. We have 1 he is 9yo. I was 35 when I had him. I waited until later because I chose a career over children. I really wasn't that happy. When I married and had my little one I felt joy and contentment. My only regret is I didn't have more children. After my son I couldn't have anymore kids.

My H is a great dad. He is the type of dad I would choose to have if given the choice.

If your father hasn't made an effort to know you, you may need to move on without a dad. It sucks, but it is what it is. He is the one missing out on a wonderful relationship with his one and only daughter.


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