# the ring is off - 'I'm done'



## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Well I'm unsure, scared, relieved, everything. My H is emotionally abusive. He came to the relationship with nothing financially and I had a house, good credit, etc. He joined my family and acted like the coolest guy ever. But now we've been together 5 years, he keeps trying to boss me around. I have an 19 year old daughter in school and 16 year old son and we have a 3 year old and 4 month old together. He doesn't like the 19 year old coming home weekends because she eats food and uses power and water. He keeps getting more and more with demands. I ignore him and he pouts, throws a fit whatever. I was talking with his dad and said he seems threatened by my kids. I made another comment about a burr being in his butt. He says he overheard me. He says I made a msitake by turning to his dad, said he's cutting his dad out of his life and took his ring off and said he's done. What do I do? I can't give in or he's won and I'm screwed!
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## Runs like Dog (Feb 25, 2011)

He sounds like a big baby who wants his mommy. Call his mommy and tell her to pick him up.


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## marcy* (Feb 27, 2010)

Let him go. He needs you more than you need him. He just loves to be a ''drama queen''.


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## LonelyNLost (Dec 11, 2010)

I agree with the previous posters. He sounds like a big baby. Just let him be. He needs to look inside himself. All you can do is look for triggers that make him act that way and act differently. Break the cycle, so to speak. See if there's a pattern to when he has these outbursts or isssues. And see if you can break it.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Homemaker_Numero_Uno said:


> Is it possible he is uncomfortable sharing living quarters with a 19 year old woman he is not biologically related to?
> 
> The other issues might be a smokescreen for just being really really really sexually confused. It might be that he is uncomfortable stating his real needs for more boundaries and less exposure because it will make him seem creepy.


If it is his issue it's his issue. My daughter's room is downstairs and she never comes up in underwear or anything sexy. He's just as disapproving with my 16 year old son. He comes up with the oddest rules as form of control and can't handle when we don't conform. I noticed the ring is back on but he's biting my head off because the dog peed downstairs, and I left scissors on the table he accused me of wishing it would kill my son. He's accusing me of not caring about our babies as much as my older kids because my older son is sick and drove him to drug store with babies in car. He's trying to say I don't care about him. It's mental abuse at full limit.
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## HethinksIamPsycho (Mar 20, 2011)

OMG, I think mine and yours are related and should move in together!!!! I completely understand what you are going through. Except my ring is off, not his. But from what you are saying, he is controlling, and pouts when things don't go his way, or you don't agree with his demands as far as your kids are concerned. That's not right at all. It's hard having a blended family, especially when the other kids are teenagers (mine are 16 and 14, and they don't get along with my guy either). We also have a child together (2), and my 7 year old daughter thinks of him as her dad (has no relationship with her real father). It's tough to be in a relationship with an emotional abuser, because you are caught in between being happy, or keeping him around because he is the father of your children. That's where I am right now. Problem is, I am too stubborn, hard-headed, independent, and refuse to put up with his verbal abuse to me, which tends to make us argue quite a bit. But, the comment about the scissors was completely out of line. How many times has he done something that could be construed as dangerous to the babies? I know that my post isn't solving any of your problems, just trying to let you know that you are not alone. All you can do right now is take care of yourself and your kids, and let him take care of himself.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

HethinksIamPsycho said:


> OMG, I think mine and yours are related and should move in together!!!! I completely understand what you are going through. Except my ring is off, not his. But from what you are saying, he is controlling, and pouts when things don't go his way, or you don't agree with his demands as far as your kids are concerned. That's not right at all. It's hard having a blended family, especially when the other kids are teenagers (mine are 16 and 14, and they don't get along with my guy either). We also have a child together (2), and my 7 year old daughter thinks of him as her dad (has no relationship with her real father). It's tough to be in a relationship with an emotional abuser, because you are caught in between being happy, or keeping him around because he is the father of your children. That's where I am right now. Problem is, I am too stubborn, hard-headed, independent, and refuse to put up with his verbal abuse to me, which tends to make us argue quite a bit. But, the comment about the scissors was completely out of line. How many times has he done something that could be construed as dangerous to the babies? I know that my post isn't solving any of your problems, just trying to let you know that you are not alone. All you can do right now is take care of yourself and your kids, and let him take care of himself.


I am scared for my kids. I have been with my babies everyday since their birth and am heartbroken over the thoughts of shared custody. I can't be away from them!
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## Fordsvt (Dec 24, 2010)

Do not let him drive a wedge between you and your kids. No matter what, this can't happen.


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## COGypsy (Aug 12, 2010)

golfergirl said:


> I am scared for my kids. I have been with my babies everyday since their birth and am heartbroken over the thoughts of shared custody. I can't be away from them!
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Just as an FYI--if you're afraid for your kids to be alone with him and can provide some concrete reason for that fear, then as part of the separation/divorce agreement, you can request that visitation be supervised. There may be a service in your area that the family courts could refer you to for that visitation or it could be conducted by a trusted family member or any number of other options.

Examples of reasons you might want to request the supervised visitation might be the emotional abuse you mentioned. The best thing to do there would be to provide several concrete examples, even better would be examples from other people, like your older children, friends who've witnessed incidents or even his dad, since he appears sympathetic to you. If the children are very young, you could express concern over his ability to adequately care for them or his accommodations for doing so. What wouldn't work is just not wanting to be away from them, though.

If you can calmly document reasons for concern though, especially with younger children, the courts can be pretty sympathetic to requests like that.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

COGypsy said:


> Just as an FYI--if you're afraid for your kids to be alone with him and can provide some concrete reason for that fear, then as part of the separation/divorce agreement, you can request that visitation be supervised. There may be a service in your area that the family courts could refer you to for that visitation or it could be conducted by a trusted family member or any number of other options.
> 
> Examples of reasons you might want to request the supervised visitation might be the emotional abuse you mentioned. The best thing to do there would be to provide several concrete examples, even better would be examples from other people, like your older children, friends who've witnessed incidents or even his dad, since he appears sympathetic to you. If the children are very young, you could express concern over his ability to adequately care for them or his accommodations for doing so. What wouldn't work is just not wanting to be away from them, though.
> 
> If you can calmly document reasons for concern though, especially with younger children, the courts can be pretty sympathetic to requests like that.


I am truly concerned for how he treats them - at times. He can be wonderful and patient but he can turn on a dime. He has picked up our 3 year old by one arm (with me chasing him to put him down) and puts him in his playpen in his room screaming at him calling him a bad boy and terrorizing him by shutting off the light. He used to spank him - really hard hand slaps and butt spanks. I made him quit. I use time out but for our little guy to gain control. It's calm even, I walk him up and put him in til he calms down - usually 5 min or so. Kids love him but when he was in a rage once my 3 year old jumped off top step in panic (thankfully into my arms) just to get away from his dad. I will be documenting. I'm on mat leave til November so I'm with kids 24/7. All assets were mine previous to marriage so I'm good that way - just need my babies protected. I do have help from father-in-law if needed. I'm in IC, we are in MC when he's willing to go.
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