# Parents problems become my problems



## malcolm (May 28, 2009)

My father and I own a business together. For the past six months, he and my mother have been having some marital problems which may end in divorce. This has affected my father's health, mental and physical, and probably our business to a small degree. It has also brought their personal lives directly into our work life, which has been uncomfortable for me and emotional burden to say the least. He talks about it constantly.

My wife is a very engaging person and is constantly asking me questions about my parents relationship, despite my attempts to keep my parents problems away from our relationship. This past weekend, my wife called my mother and spoke to her about their issues.

My wife is insisting that I cease working with my father. She believes that his complaining to me about my mother and his personal problems are directly affecting my mental health, our relationship and our finances. I do not believe this to be true but she will not be deterred.

This is not a new pattern for her. We have had disagreements before about my mental health and how I shoulder unnessessary burdens for people that I care about. She has also accused me of being depressed in another work related situation several years ago (she has taken anti-depressants since she was 15). I feel that she mis-interprets situations and her melodramatics cause me incredible stress.

I do not wish to leave my business. We make a comfortable living and I enjoy what I do. I am desperately trying to please both sides but will be unable to do so. I am beginning to feel resentful towards my wife for being insenstive to the situation and anger towards my parents for projecting their problems into my marriage.

Am I being selfish and not sensitive to my wife's feelings and interpretation of the situation. Or am I being treated unfairly by my family/spouse? I feel like I am about to crack.


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## scarletblue (May 20, 2009)

Tell your parents that you love them both and you will not be put in the middle of their situation. If your wife loves your parents, then maybe she's making sure your mother knows she matters too, since you are around your father all the time at work.

My ex husband would "confide" in my oldest son all the time, while I tried my best to keep my kids out of it all. It hurt a lot that my son had to deal with that.

Tell your parents that you love them both and you'll be there for them, but to keep you and your wife out of the middle of the whole mess. If one parent thinks you or your wife is taking sides, the drama is just beginning.


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## 1nurse (Jan 21, 2009)

Is your wife a controlling person? Why is she telling you what you should be doing with your parents situation? Tell her that you ARE NOT going to get involved with their situation. It's hard to be running a business with your father in the middle of this but act like a business partner not a son. It might get uncomfortable for you but this might be the best way to handle the situation. Either way, it's going to be a bumpy ride for you being stuck in the middle. Good Luck.


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