# The Good Wife - Part 2



## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

My W saw an MD specializing in HRT today. She has estrogen, progesterone and was ADAMANT the Doc give her some testosterone. 

Doc also told her the increased cancer risk is 1/1,200. Honestly that is not causing me any anxiety. Situation reversed I would gladly risk a 1/1,200 bad event to get rid of all the symptoms she has. 

Funny thing was the Doc told her "you don't need testosterone. The other stuff will take care of dryness, memory problems etc.". My W apparently told her "I NEED to have a sex drive - give me the damn testosterone". LMAO.

What an angel.


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## Conrad (Aug 6, 2010)

1 in 1200 is much lower risk than you get from having an abortion.

Just to put things in perspective.


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## Therealbrighteyes (Feb 11, 2010)

Conrad said:


> 1 in 1200 is much lower risk than you get from having an abortion.
> 
> Just to put things in perspective.


And she is post menopause so your comments mean what? You are relating fertile women to his wife and espousing your religious belief.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

The main themes here are communication and commitment. We have both acknowledged, talked about and worked around our somewhat challenged sex life. She doesn't like meds. Never has. We both "hoped" this would auto-correct. It didn't and now we are trying an experiment. 

And hey - however well intentioned - please don't jack my thread. 




MEM11363 said:


> My W saw an MD specializing in HRT today. She has estrogen, progesterone and was ADAMANT the Doc give her some testosterone.
> 
> Doc also told her the increased cancer risk is 1/1,200. Honestly that is not causing me any anxiety. Situation reversed I would gladly risk a 1/1,200 bad event to get rid of all the symptoms she has.
> 
> ...


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> My W saw an MD specializing in HRT today. She has estrogen, progesterone and was ADAMANT the Doc give her some testosterone.
> 
> Doc also told her the increased cancer risk is 1/1,200. Honestly that is not causing me any anxiety. Situation reversed I would gladly risk a 1/1,200 bad event to get rid of all the symptoms she has.
> 
> ...


What's interesting / telling is that the idea of your wife needing a sex drive obviously didn't cross the doctor's mind until she told him, and even then, he couldn't see the need. Good for her for persisting. I suspect a lot of people would have just gone along with the doctor.


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## realitybites (Oct 12, 2011)

Sawney Beane said:


> What's interesting / telling is that the idea of your wife needing a sex drive obviously didn't cross the doctor's mind until she told him, and even then, he couldn't see the need. Good for her for persisting. I suspect a lot of people would have just gone along with the doctor.


Very true. I suspect Doctors are good with the medical side of things only these days without considering the entire story.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

I hope that she can start to feel better soon. You really do have to be your own advocate when it comes to medicine, and sometimes insist that your concerns are listened to and treated.

We have run in to the same kind of thing with my H, who has been having some problems off and on over this last year - progressively worse over the last six months - mainly an excessive amount of fatigue and 'fuzzy headedness'.

Finally convinced him to go get a complete check-up and he had this list of questions to take with him. I added a couple of things to ask about being checked - like his thyroid since mine is in the tank and his symptoms could have been that. Then I added to get checked for low T too.

When he talked with his doc about checking his T levels, the doc said - but you say you have no problem with erections and you have an active sex life (well, yah, but it was getting more difficult for him). My H insisted that they test him anyway. They called him back in to do a re-test with a full panel. His T levels were well below the bottom of the normal range (my jaw dropped to say the least and I'm glad they confirmed with a re-test).

He'll be starting testosterone shots soon. I'm so glad my H stood his ground. They weren't even going to test him because he didn't fall into the 'expected' range of symptoms and it all could have just been taken as 'aging'. How many poor blokes go to the doctor with these kinds of things and get 'band-aids' like Viagra or anti-depressants shoved on them instead? Probably the same amount as women, like your wife, who get brushed aside unless they absolutely insist.

I'm so glad your wife advocated for herself. You gotta be selfish and keep your own best interests at heart when it comes to your health care so you can get your concerns heard and addressed. 

Best wishes to you and your wife.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

E,
Let me know how it goes with your H. I can personally attest to noticing a boost in T levels when I lift weights.

As for my W I hope this stuff helps. She has been having pain "down there" on and off for a year+.
and her pain occurs even when we abstain for a while.


=Enchantment;456867]I hope that she can start to feel better soon. You really do have to be your own advocate when it comes to medicine, and sometimes insist that your concerns are listened to and treated.

We have run in to the same kind of thing with my H, who has been having some problems off and on over this last year - progressively worse over the last six months - mainly an excessive amount of fatigue and 'fuzzy headedness'.

Finally convinced him to go get a complete check-up and he had this list of questions to take with him. I added a couple of things to ask about being checked - like his thyroid since mine is in the tank and his symptoms could have been that. Then I added to get checked for low T too.

When he talked with his doc about checking his T levels, the doc said - but you say you have no problem with erections and you have an active sex life (well, yah, but it was getting more difficult for him). My H insisted that they test him anyway. They called him back in to do a re-test with a full panel. His T levels were well below the bottom of the normal range (my jaw dropped to say the least and I'm glad they confirmed with a re-test).

He'll be starting testosterone shots soon. I'm so glad my H stood his ground. They weren't even going to test him because he didn't fall into the 'expected' range of symptoms and it all could have just been taken as 'aging'. How many poor blokes go to the doctor with these kinds of things and get 'band-aids' like Viagra or anti-depressants shoved on them instead? Probably the same amount as women, like your wife, who get brushed aside unless they absolutely insist.

I'm so glad your wife advocated for herself. You gotta be selfish and keep your own best interests at heart when it comes to your health care so you can get your concerns heard and addressed. 

Best wishes to you and your wife.[/QUOTE]
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> E,
> Let me know how it goes with your H. I can personally attest to noticing a boost in T levels when I lift weights.
> 
> As for my W I hope this stuff helps. She has been having pain "down there" on and off for a year+.
> and her pain occurs even when we abstain for a while.


Yah. He does lift - has since high school. Maybe that's what has helped keep him going. Other than this severe fatigue that he said made him feel like he was 79 instead of 49 and a bit slower "ramp up" times, he's been able to keep up his daily routine. But, he is as stubborn as a mule too, that's for sure. Can't imagine doing what he has been able to keep up doing. I think he was a bit blown away by his diagnosis - I hope I'm not going to be blown away by his treatment, you know?

Has your wife been diagnosed with anything like vulvodynia? And is she affected in her daily life - working, exercising - as well?

I do so hope she can get some relief. Haven't hit the big Menopause yet, but there are things about it that definitely scare me, and having pain like your wife's is one of them. So, I'll have some faith and be waiting for your third update - "The Good Wife - Part 3" - talking about a re-invigorated wife and life.

Thank-you for showing us a couple that loves each other so much - and are each willing to give to each other. It's inspiring.

Best wishes.


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## bubbly girl (Oct 11, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> Thank-you for showing us a couple that loves each other so much - and are each willing to give to each other. It's inspiring.
> 
> Best wishes.


:iagree::iagree::iagree:


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

Sorry to hear about your wife. Always sucks when your lady isn't feeling well.


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Oooo - I am almost 47 and have been doing a lot of reading about HRT lately. Before your wife starts taking anything, get her the book "What your Dr. May Not Tell you about Menopause" by John Lee. His observations are eye opening to say the least.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

SB,
The doctor is a female. And that doctor does HRT for a living so she deals with a large number of women in their mid forties to mid fifties. So the testosterone issue must come up fairly often. Not sure why the Doc was so indiferrent to prescribing the T. 




Sawney Beane said:


> What's interesting / telling is that the idea of your wife needing a sex drive obviously didn't cross the doctor's mind until she told him, and even then, he couldn't see the need. Good for her for persisting. I suspect a lot of people would have just gone along with the doctor.


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

E,
Diagnosed with vulvodynia a couple years ago. Often has intermittent pain outside. Sometimes inside. DEFINITELY exacerbated by intercourse which I now realize and which for the foreseeable future  is off the table (my call). 

For a while she told me it was "better" - (sad I didn't clue in faster) which it turns out meant it didn't "always" hurt, and usually didn't hurt a LOT. I asked. Really I did. I thought she was responding evasively a while back, so I went and got a bible. Made her swear on the bible - got the truth. But then - (feeling sick to my stomach writing this) weeks later she said she felt better. She is normally super honest with me. When this all came about a few weeks ago she said: "you are a man - I need to take care of you". I looked at her and responded softly "I am not an animal. Don't treat me like one. Now I just feel sick knowing what has been happening." I guess she just felt like this was her responsibility - which it is NOT. 





Enchantment said:


> Yah. He does lift - has since high school. Maybe that's what has helped keep him going. Other than this severe fatigue that he said made him feel like he was 79 instead of 49 and a bit slower "ramp up" times, he's been able to keep up his daily routine. But, he is as stubborn as a mule too, that's for sure. Can't imagine doing what he has been able to keep up doing. I think he was a bit blown away by his diagnosis - I hope I'm not going to be blown away by his treatment, you know?
> 
> Has your wife been diagnosed with anything like vulvodynia? And is she affected in her daily life - working, exercising - as well?
> 
> ...


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## Kobo (May 13, 2010)

MEM11363 said:


> E,
> Diagnosed with vulvodynia a couple years ago. Often has intermittent pain outside. Sometimes inside. DEFINITELY exacerbated by intercourse which I now realize and which for the foreseeable future  is off the table (my call).
> 
> For a while she told me it was "better" - (sad I didn't clue in faster) which it turns out meant it didn't "always" hurt, and usually didn't hurt a LOT. I asked. Really I did. I thought she was responding evasively a while back, so I went and got a bible. Made her swear on the bible - got the truth. But then - (feeling sick to my stomach writing this) weeks later she said she felt better. She is normally super honest with me. When this all came about a few weeks ago she said: "you are a man - I need to take care of you". I looked at her and responded softly "I am not an animal. Don't treat me like one. Now I just feel sick knowing what has been happening." I guess she just felt like this was her responsibility - which it is NOT.


Man that sucks. While Sex is big on our list. We don't want to hurt the one we would die for to get it. I feel the pain in your post.


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> SB,
> The doctor is a female.


Oops - mea culpa on my assumption



> And that doctor does HRT for a living so she deals with a large number of women in their mid forties to mid fifties. So the testosterone issue must come up fairly often.


I'm not so sure - I've had lots and lots about this via my MIL and SIL who both had hysterectomies (MIL post-menopausal, SIL very young), and there has never, ever been any discussion of prescribing testosterone, merely oestrogen and / or oestrogen precursors. 


> Not sure why the Doc was so indiferrent to prescribing the T.


Maybe the idea of having / maintaining an active sex life is just something the doctor doesn't consider as a "normal" request, compared with (say) managing menopausal symptoms? Who can say. However, I suspect that had your wife not mentioned testosterone therapy, the doctor wouldn't have brought it up.

Was the doctor as forthright about the risks associated with oestrogen replacement, as she was with testosterone?


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## MEM2020 (Aug 23, 2009)

Yes the doc was specific about risks and side effects for all 3 - oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. 
All low risk for my W. 

And tonight - while we skipped intercourse - she clearly felt desire. And the long, slow back massage, back scratch she gave me as a warmup sure was joyful. 

It felt great to be connected. 



Sawney Beane said:


> Oops - mea culpa on my assumption
> 
> 
> I'm not so sure - I've had lots and lots about this via my MIL and SIL who both had hysterectomies (MIL post-menopausal, SIL very young), and there has never, ever been any discussion of prescribing testosterone, merely oestrogen and / or oestrogen precursors.
> ...


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## Sawney Beane (May 1, 2011)

MEM11363 said:


> Yes the doc was specific about risks and side effects for all 3 - oestrogen, progesterone, and testosterone.
> All low risk for my W.
> 
> And tonight - while we skipped intercourse - she clearly felt desire. And the long, slow back massage, back scratch she gave me as a warmup sure was joyful.
> ...


Good for you both!


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