# Wife Emotional Affair



## veryconcerned (Dec 20, 2013)

Thanks for the feedback everyone!


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## Dad&Hubby (Aug 14, 2012)

So she lies, and when caught only admits to the minimal you have shown proof of having.....

Nice. I guess you can only trust her as far as you can PROVE her actions.

Good luck with that. Sorry you're here and this does stink.

I'd get in contact with the cell phone company to see if you can pull up old records so you can at least get an idea of what their texting was truly like.


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## walkonmars (Aug 21, 2012)

Sorry but you are being sandbagged. It's very likely that there way more to their history than you know. 

It's probably safe to accept that they've been physically intimate - especially if they've had any chance to meet up at these out of town meetings. 

How sure are you that all her out of town trips were actually work-related and not vacation days? 

Are you willing to go to the mat? Because it looks like you're going to have to do some serious talking to find the truth. The first thing that springs to mind if you want to know the truth is to ask her to submit to a polygraph. You don't have to actually carry it out but she needs to believe you will. 

Good luck


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

She IS in a EA with him...Most often than not, an EA turns into a PA. 

Those conversations are inappropriate for a married woman to be having with a man. 

She should not be thinking of him. 

"Just friends" is a ploy to get you to back off so she can keep in contact with him. 

She is caught in many lies. Changing the contact name to a woman is not good. 

A marriage can not survive when there are 3 people involved. 

Is it a work phone or is it personal phone?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## badmemory (Jul 31, 2012)

veryconcerned said:


> *I am having a hard time buying the story* and thought I would get someone else's perspective on this. She has repeatedly said there was nothing more than a friendship here and that it was never physical.


And well you should. I'm certain there will be posters that will tell you this was a PA in no uncertain terms. I'll just say that there is only a very small chance it wasn't - based on what you describe.

You should assume it was a PA. Your wife is not unique. WS's will likely only admit to what evidence you already have. Unfortunately, that's how it works.

Whether or not that is your deal breaker, you need to know. Since their contact is "apparently" only occasional, if I was in your shoes; I'd insist that she take a polygraph. Even if you would still want to consider R if this was a PA, you have to know what you're trying to forgive.

Keep posting. A lot of us have been where you're at now.


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## workindad (May 7, 2011)

You are having a hard time buying the story because it is crap and you know it. Trickle truthing and lies go with the territory. You are being snowed.

Unfortunately, with the the way she is acting until now, I would guess it was a PA as well as an EA.

If she had nothing to hide, she wouldn't have hidden it... changed his name to a girlfriend.

Getting caught sucks, expect her to deflect, get mad, cry, etc. 

She needs to accept responsibility for her actions and she has clearly not done that yet. 

Ask her to take a poly and judge her reaction. Be prepared, find out where you can get one done in your area- google will help.

Be prepared for a parking lot confession.


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

veryconcerned said:


> 1) I find two email messages sent in 2011 from an unknown female claiming to be the current girlfriend of the man friend my wife was talking to.


Do you have her email address? Email her if you do.
Check your credit card statements for suspicious charges. Many credit card companies let you go back years. DNA your kids. You can get kits many places and you mail them off to be tested.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

I just read the small children part. If this has been going on for 4-5 years I would suggest a DNA test. They are inexpensive and can be done by swabbing the cheeks. She does not have to know you are doing this. 

You need to rule this out.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

Put a VAR in her car before you email the OM's girlfriend. You might pick them up talking about your email. Put a GPS on her car before you go out of state again for your job.


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

her lies are lazy and bad. Find his gf to get the story.


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## harrybrown (May 22, 2013)

Tell her it is time for the polygraph.

If she will not come clean, tell her you want a divorce and to get out of your house.

how would she feel if you had an affair?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

Wow, so nobody is going to call him on the fact that his wife tried to talk to him and he blew her off and told get to "get over it"? Unbelievable.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

You are being played. Contact the girlfriend about your wife's
"love history".


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

Words have power. To say "you are in my thoughts and prayers" isn't the same as saying "I'm thinking about you every day." Not in ANY dictionary (except the cheater's dict). 

The conferences are a red flag to me, whether once a year or whatever, they get time alone. I'm damned if I'd let my W go to a conference where a previous lover, who she was still in contact with (which is against my boundaries anyway), was also in attendance. Time alone, a few drinks, a few more, reminiscing, and BAM they're fvcking. 

Bad formula. I'm sorry you're here. I suspect more. 
*
Any time a story doesn't add up, it's because there's a lie underneath*.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

lifeistooshort said:


> Wow, so nobody is going to call him on the fact that his wife tried to talk to him and he blew her off and told get to "get over it"? Unbelievable.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Didn't you just?

IF he's the biggest jerk in the world, then his wife can just ask him to change and if he won't change or won't listen, she can leave. Can't she?


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## aug (Aug 21, 2011)

veryconcerned said:


> We have small children and *another on the way* so the timing here is absolutely terrible. Anyways, any insight would be much appreciated.


I'll just throw this out there since she has a long history with him.

Perhaps she's keeping in contact because one of the children or the new baby-to-be is his?


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Yes!! Back track conception. Was she away at all during that month?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

aug said:


> I'll just throw this out there since she has a long history with him.
> 
> Perhaps she's keeping in contact because one of the children or the new baby-to-be is his?


Tell her you want prenatal (before your child’s birth) DNA testing. All you need is a blood sample from you and your wife and poses no risk to the baby. It costs about $2000, but just the threat of it could cause her to come clean.

SNP Microarray: Unlike amniocentesis, a non-invasive prenatal paternity test does not require a needle inserted into the mother’s womb. The SNP microarray procedure uses new technology that involves preserving and analyzing the baby’s DNA found naturally in the mother’s bloodstream. The test is accurate, 99.9%, using a tiny quantity of DNA — as little as found in a single cell.




jerry123 said:


> Yes!! Back track conception. Was she away at all during that month?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:


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## veryconcerned (Dec 20, 2013)

Thanks so much for the comments/feedback everyone! I am going to look into a few things mentioned here and will report back with a new thread once this has been resolved one way or another.


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## jerry123 (Apr 9, 2012)

Please don't start a new thread. Keep posting in this one.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## warlock07 (Oct 28, 2011)

Don't confront without evidence. Be smart


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## cdbaker (Nov 5, 2010)

Yikes man. I'm not even going to read everyone elses responses here because I'm sure their all the same. This was most definitely an EA and likely a PA. With that said, what is the nature of her relationship with him right now? Do they still work together in any capacity at all? (Even if only in-person once a year and otherwise via e-mail/calls?) Trying to follow your timeline here, it sounds like you became suspicious and had the initial talk with her sometime in 2009 and recently discovered that they were still in communication through at least sometime in 2011. As far as you know, are they still in communication?

I ask because I think the fact that so much time has passed does change this perhaps a bit. It still needs to be addressed obviously. You still need to find the truth. MC would probably be a good idea at this point as well and might help you with that. Hopefully, IF the communication really has long since ended and there is no one else in the picture, she just might be honest with you as far as disclosing how far and for how long things went.

With her being pregnant, I'm sure you both will be slightly more motivated to work through this. It might motivate her to be more honest, or be more deceptive if she is really afraid that you'll leave her if you knew "the truth." So be aware that this is an important element too...


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## Thorburn (Nov 23, 2011)

What happened to the story?


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## doubletrouble (Apr 23, 2013)

OP, removing the intial post isn't helpful to the rest of us. The story isn't burned into our memories.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

veryconcerned said:


> Thanks for the feedback everyone!


:wtf: :scratchhead:


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## Graywolf2 (Nov 10, 2013)

veryconcerned said:


> Thanks so much for the comments/feedback everyone! I am going to look into a few things mentioned here and will report back with a new thread once this has been resolved one way or another.


My guess is that he was afraid that his OP was too detailed. He was eager to use the advice we gave him and didn’t want to take any chance that his wife would find the OP.


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## weightlifter (Dec 14, 2012)

Who else sees RTBP version 2.0?

Except this one deletes the background early.


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## sandc (Dec 15, 2011)

Who was the guy who posted his story and then his wife registered and posted taunts on his thread?


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## lifeistooshort (Mar 17, 2013)

sandc said:


> Didn't you just?
> 
> IF he's the biggest jerk in the world, then his wife can just ask him to change and if he won't change or won't listen, she can leave. Can't she?


Yes she can and she should. I suspect that if you had a woman here upset that her hb had an affair and then she admits she denied him sex she'd be lectured on how important sex is to men and she must meet his needs. Of course she'd be told that it doesn't excuse his affair, but the denying him sex part would surely come up. Why is this different?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

sandc said:


> Who was the guy who posted his story and then his wife registered and posted taunts on his thread?


I think there were two like that. The one I remember is the EMT guy, and his skank of a WW moved into the OMs trailer and she was pregnant or something.


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## eyjdkdyqing (Dec 27, 2013)

Thanks for the feedback everyone!


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