# No sex + cold turkey of old habits brings disaster



## thegreatwm (Aug 14, 2011)

I hope someone here can give me some advice. I have been a chronic masturbator for the past 14 years. I used to masturbate anywhere from 10 to 20 times per week. The habit was an addiction for me. I would rush home just to do it and even when I was outside, I would think about going home to do it. There would be times when I was working that I would go in the bathroom and do it just because I missed the feeling so much. It really messed up my priorities and also my hormones. I have also been married for 5 years but that never got in the way of my masturbation habits until last year. I found that I got so used to pleasuring myself that it was hard for my wife to pleasure me. What I decided to do was make it my new years resolution to never masturbate again and I have been clean for about 10 days now.

My wife is 4 months pregnant now with our 2nd child. She doesn't really crave sex and every time I try to get close to her, she ignores it or says she's not in the mood. I have not pushed the issue since she is always sick with the pregnancy and I know she is always tired from work. She did know that I used to masturbate before but she did not know I was addicted to it nor did she know that I did it multiple times per day. This would not bother me much if I had not given up my previous addiction. It is driving me crazy because my body wants to bust one so bad. I am not working right now so I am home by myself everyday while she is working and our child is in school. I would usually spend extra time masturbating and I even used it as a sleep aide. It is so tempting to masturbate but I try to do something to get my mind off of it like cleaning up or doing pull ups. I don't know how much longer I can hold out and it's worse since my wife is not giving me any sex.

For the past 10 days that I have been clean, it has been a disaster. When I'm at home, all I think about is sex and masturbating. I used to watch porn a bit but I was never addicted to that, only the masturbation part. It is to the point that when my wife comes home from work, I just want to force her to have sex with my because my body wants this so bad. I just don't force myself on her since I know it is wrong and I know she is not in the mood.

Does anyone have any advice on what I can do. It sucks going outside because I always see beautiful women and that just makes me want to break my resolution. I have NEVER cheated on my wife but with the feelings that my body is giving me right now, I wouldn't mind sleeping with another woman right now. I obviously don't want to do that and I also don't want to go back to my old ways so I was hoping someone here had experience with this sort of thing. I'm pretty confident that if I do it just 1 time, I will get addicted again and it will take over my life. I'm also wondering if it was smart to go cold turkey on the masturbation and if it would have been better to try to ween myself off of it instead. BTW, I'm 28 and my wife is 24. Thanks in advance to anyone who can help.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

Have you ever tried to masturbate in moderation? Or does it lead right back? For instance, when your urges are this strong, can you do it? And then when they are less strong, continue doing what your doing to divert your urge? Maybe set a urge type bar mentally. Just thinking...
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

I think you should find a therapist who deals with sex addiction. You say it is an addiction and it sure sounds like an addiction.

The good news: You can kick this!

The other good news: Your wife can be part of your recovery


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Thor said:


> I think you should find a therapist who deals with sex addiction. You say it is an addiction and it sure sounds like an addiction.
> 
> The good news: You can kick this!
> 
> The other good news: Your wife can be part of your recovery


:iagree: To the OP, You clearly have an issue, you have stated so yourself. I would look into a counselor that specializes in sexual issues.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

This is a good article explaining about chronic masturbation. 

Chronic Masturbation

If your wife is unwilling to be involved in helping you with this, or indeed does not even know about the extent of your habit, and you are finding difficulties trying to break the habit, then it may indeed be time to bring in a counselor specializing in sexual issues, in particular addiction issues.

Best wishes.


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## sinnister (Dec 5, 2010)

Agreed sex addition. I'm not the biggest advocate of therapists for problems I believe can be fixed without spending ridiculous amounts of money...but in this case you need a pro's help.


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## thegreatwm (Aug 14, 2011)

Thanks for the input everyone. As much as I don't want to pay for a therapist, it looks like that may be my only option. I did read that article and it scares me to think that going cold turkey with masturbating could actually be harmful. I'm going to try to press on through this and I hope that my body gets used to the fact that I am not masturbating multiple times per day. Is there some sort of secret to get my wife to open up and start helping me through this. Like I mentioned before, she has no idea that I had this addiction and if I bring it up now, I fear that she will not understand and think that she has not satisfied me throughtout our marriage. She does not like to give bjs either so that is a no go.


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## Bottled Up (Nov 12, 2011)

It is possible that your wife might be able to help you through this, but the hard part is that you have to open up and communicate it to her. That means she has to be open minded and willing to work through this issue with you and not just shrug it off as if you're issue is ridiculous... because that could make matters much worse if she does that to you.

My wife isn't always in the mood, but she is sometimes sympathetic to the fact that I need sex more often than she does. So sometimes she "lets me put it in" (her own words), which is basically her saying "I'm really not into it, but I'll make the sacrifice for you."

Perhaps you need to just get your wife to do the same thing for you occasionally for some relief. But 10 days is crazy man... my record to date I think is 4 days until I finally stop waiting for my wife to get in the mood and just convince her to give up the goods


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

thegreatwm said:


> Is there some sort of secret to get my wife to open up and start helping me through this.


Tell her you have a problem and ask for her help. I don't think you even have to be specific about what help you need other than support at first. Then whatever your therapist recommends she do to help.



thegreatwm said:


> Like I mentioned before, she has no idea that I had this addiction and if I bring it up now, I fear that she will not understand and think that she has not satisfied me throughtout our marriage.


False thinking. Do not withhold information to try to protect her. What if she finds out next week by herself? She's gonna be devastated.

I would tell her what you wrote, that it is an addiction. It isn't even about sex, it is about the compulsive behavior. It isn't about her being unsatisfactory to you. I think if you tell her that you know it is a psychological problem and you want to see a therapist about it, she will understand that it is about you and not about her.

You cannot control her reaction. Give her credit for being a caring and intelligent wife.


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