# unhappy wife=unhappy life



## Usn_Frank (Apr 19, 2015)

Excuse me if I annoy anyone I'm basically going to vent.
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Where do I start, Started dating my wife January of 2012. Got married December of 2013 and she gave birth to my beautiful baby boy February 10 2014. She is currently 19 I am 22.

We were always an exciting outgoing couple, she got along with my family, I got along with her family.

Around May of 2013 she moved into my parents house with me, because her and her sister(who was her primary guardian) could not stand each other anymore so she essentially got kicked out and my parents allowed her to stay with me. Everything was nice and dandy up until I left for boot camp in September of 2013. My brother and his girlfriend got into a childish argument with my wife about a chair at the dining table. My wife was pregnant with my son at the time, so she took extreme offense to this because my child's life was put into danger. Well okay I graduate boot camp, and get into my brothers butt about why this happened and of course I sided with my wife and yelled at him, he apologized and we moved on with our life. 

February 2014 my son is born, and my mom is being an annoying grandma basically trying to tell my wife how to Feed and care for our child. She was being beyond persistent that my wife should give the baby formula because my wife wasn't making enough breast milk Yada yada. Just trying to tell us when to feed the baby and stuff. Her intentions were good it's just she got annoying. Anyways while I'm in Florida, my wife's sister gets back in touch with my wife and they become close again Beautiful! I love that because I didnt like the idea of my wife not having any contact with any of her family. I love seeing my wife have a beautiful bond with her family.

Well I come back from Florida and we move into our own apartment and live there for several months. Than we finally get our own house and at this point there is still a beautiful bond between Us and our familys. 

Well my son's first birthday party was creeping up and my wife was %100 set that she was not going to let my brothers girlfriend in our house. My mom than was saying well shes going to come, and I'm not going to tell her she can't come. My wife than accused her of making rules at our home, that it's her home and only she can make rules. Well at the time I disagreed with her because I've always been raised to be a good host, and as much as I don't like my brothers girlfriend, I wasnt going to tell him he can't bring her because if he did the same thing to me, I would be extremely offended. Anyways me aND my wife got into huge arguments days approaching the party, to the point where she slapped me, bit me, scratched me, punched me. Don't get me wrong I was saying many many hurtful things that sparked those actions. I am in no way an angel or perfect human being. anyways party happened we all had a good time, my brother never showed up because his girlfriend wasn't invited. Anyways I realized my wife had a point and she's different than me, so I understand why she wouldn't want someone who makes her feel uncomfortable show up to her house. My wife felt like I wasn't being supportive(which I wasnt). 

Now, she dislikes my family. She won't go to any family events. She doesnt mind me going to my family's house, but she won't let me take my son so my parents can see him, yet she spends several days at her sisters house With my son. She hates my brother, and constantly makes remarks about how worthless he is, how he's stupid, how is girlfriend is ugly, how he needs to save money because he wants to be taking his girlfriend out all the time. The problem here is that if I don't agree or don't have anything to say, she automatically assumes I'm against her and I'm trying to defend him. I would just rather not sit and make rude remarks about my brother for an hour.

But Don't dare make a remark about her side of the family because I have no right to according to her.

My little sister absolutely loves my wife, and recently my wife has been so mean to her, she gets mad at her, won't talk to her, and I dont see why? She's 8 years old and loves her! My wife really doesnt like the fact that my family gets along with my brothers girlfriendmy I think that's it, but I if I dare ask her about it she's offended and angry. My wife is a wonderful mom and wife! I won't ever deny that. I just feel like I'm the worthless husband who can't do anything right. I ask her what it is I can do to make her happy and she says she doesn't know? 

I'm at the point where divorce sounds to me like a way out of this prison I'm in, but I'm terrified of leaving my son. I know she will go against all odds to keep me from him and it scares me. I just don't know what to do anymore I'm just so lost. I don't have anyone to vent to because she dislikes the idea of me talking about our relationship to anyone so I respect that and I don't. It's hard to type out how I feel but I need help what can I do? I want to raise my son, but I can't imagine living like this for years.


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## staarz21 (Feb 6, 2013)

So you're thinking of divorcing your wife over a rough patch you two are going through? 

These things happen all throughout marriage. You guys are going to fight. You're going to love. You're going to cry. 

First of all...tell your wife that if she ever lays a hand on you again, you're taking your son and leaving. Period. End of story. Domestic violence, I don't care who starts it, is wrong. That behavior should NOT be tolerated. 

I get you two are VERY young. You are going to have to mature to not say stupid, hurtful things. She is going to have to mature past throwing fits and hitting like a toddler when she's mad. It never gets anyone anywhere. 

Your wife has some resentment, probably from your mother telling her what to do with her child. That really can wear a new mom down. It makes them feel as though they can't do anything right (sound familiar?).

Your wife was right about your mother trying to make rules for her house. If your wife didn't want the girlfriend there, she has the right to not invite the girlfriend. It's a birthday party for a baby for goodness sake. Everyone is being immature about that situation. 

You need to tell your wife that you love her, but you will not entertain her talking bad about your family anymore. It's immature and she needs to knock it off. Tell her you understand that she doesn't care for them very much but she needs to try and be somewhat understanding that they are your family and they will be included in family events. Having them over at your house once in a while isn't going to kill her. 

Ask that you two go to counseling together. You mentioned boot camp. I am a military spouse (H has been in almost 11 years now) - you guys can get counseling individually. If you want to do it together, put it under your wife's name. Most Dr's that accept Tricare will do family counseling this way. 

You both need to sort out how to talk to each other - your wife really needs to learn to grow up and stop bad mouthing everyone. 

You both have a lot of growing to do. I wouldn't expect change over night. If you're serious about saving the marriage, then you're going to have to put the work in. You mature up. You work on making yourself a better person - and she might follow. If she doesn't and you're sure you've tried everything, then you head on over to a lawyer for divorce. But communicate to your wife that you will not put up with this any longer and changes need to happen - or you're walking.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Your wife is 19. I recall being 19 quite clearly. I was into partying my face off, attending college, and hanging out with a gang of friends. I had no clearly defined goals, let alone an idea of what life was really all about. How could I? I had only lived 19 years.

Now you and your wife may be very mature for your ages. But the thing is, you've only lived so long. The only way I matured - and I was REALLY slow to mature - was when life threw me some major curve balls.

Stuff that seemed so important to me at 19 is virtually insignificant now. That does not mean your issues and problems are unimportant; not at all.

Have you two sat down and discussed marriage counseling? For two people so young, you have a lot of responsibility on your plates. This will sound trite, but marriage is a compromise. ALL relationships require compromise to some extent.

I respect your need to vent, but you two need to develop communication skills and, actually, life skills. There's a whole lot more of life in front of you to face.

Get proactive and get help before you decide to jump ship.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Usn_Frank said:


> Everything was nice and dandy up until I left for boot camp in September of 2013. My brother and his girlfriend got into a childish argument with my wife about a chair at the dining table. My wife was pregnant with my son at the time, so she took extreme offense to this because my child's life was put into danger.


How did a fight over a chair put your unborn son in danger? Could you please describe what went on in this argument?


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## Usn_Frank (Apr 19, 2015)

We actually went to marriage counseling, and it backfired so bad on us because my wife was % 100 convinced that the counselor was only on my side Because I'm in the military. 

Marriage changed her so much, and she has a horrible time accepting wrong doings and just admitting things that are obvious. Yes I'm sure we're both immature on different levels, and she won't admit it. She claims she's extremely mature for her age and everyone she doesn't like is immature. I love my wife not the woman, who knit picks a simple conversation and turns it right around on me. Whenever she needs consoling, I'm there for her and talk to her and attempt to make her feel better but if I try and vent to her about a relationship Problem she'll turn it around on me around on me and she's mad.

I understand her resentment towards my family, but she is just so rude, demanding and mean. I can't talk to my family without her looking for an excuse to be angry, whether it be because I stepped out to talk to them and she thinks I'm being sneaky, or because my parents are asking what I'm doing this weekend. She just looks for reasons to be angry! I honestly feel trapped and hopeless. I just adore my son so much I couldn't imagine not being able to see him it would break me.


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## Usn_Frank (Apr 19, 2015)

The argument with the chair started because my brother and my wife were arguing in a friendly way like playing around about who sits in that chair, and my brothers girlfriend made a remark "What are we 10 fighting over a chair?" They started arguing as far I'm concerned it was 2v1 my wife being alone and apparently my wife felt as if the girlfriend was trying to fight her. I honestly wasn't their just going off of what I've heard.


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## NotLikeYou (Aug 30, 2011)

Usn_Frank said:


> Where do I start, Started dating my wife January of 2012. Got married December of 2013 and she gave birth to my beautiful baby boy February 10 2014. She is currently 19 I am 22.


Thank God you didn't ask for any advice.

So let's see. You started dating her when she was 16 and you were 19. She gave birth at 17 or 18. 

Sooooo. What kind of wisdom can I offer?

Ah, here we go.

Women marry men expecting them to change, and they don't.

Men marry women expecting them to stay the same, and they don't.



And also, read Prodigal's reply. At some point, your wife is going to start thinking that maybe she missed out on a bunch of fun in life. That part is really going to suck, too.


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

First thing you must realize is your wife and son *ARE* your family. Your mother, brother and little sister are extended relatives, your FOO (family of origin). Calling your FOO, not your wife and son, "family" is not a distinction lost on your wife. Giving your brother's GF priority over your wife is inexcusable. The GF is not your FOO or extended relative or even an in-law. You and your FOO should consider your wife's feelings. It is* NOT* "rude" to not invite someone to your house who has treated your wife the way the GF did.

Your wife's parents are gone and she only has her sister as a relative. You are still a little too enmeshed with your FOO. Your mother picking apart everything your wife does with your son is inexcusable. Telling your wife to bottle feed instead of breastfeed wasn't because your mother is concerned about your son. It is because your mother wants to play "mommy" with your son and push your wife aside. Don't you think that if your son were not thriving, the pediatrician would tell your wife to switch to formula? Then telling your wife who she can, and cannot, invite to her own house, especially if they are not extended family just adds to your mother slamming your wife with insults and comments that she isn't good enough to be your wife and your son's mother. How would you feel if your wife's father were alive and he treated you the way your mother treats your wife? You wouldn't like it one damn bit and you know it.

Where is your father in all this? You are probably the oldest and your mother has spousified you and doesn't like your wife "taking you away." While you lived with your mother, even with your wife, your mother still had control over you. Now that you and your family live on your own, your mother doesn't like it at all.

Unattach from your mommy's teat, stop treating your brother's GF better than you treat your own wife and man up. If you keep referring to your your extended relatives, instead of your wife and son, as your family, being rude and dismissive to your wife instead of to the GF who is a b!tch to your wife and letting your mommy treat your wife like she isn't good enough, you will end up back "home" with these people.

IamSomebody


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Usn_Frank said:


> The argument with the chair started because my brother and my wife were arguing in a friendly way like playing around about who sits in that chair, and my brothers girlfriend made a remark "What are we 10 fighting over a chair?" They started arguing as far I'm concerned it was 2v1 my wife being alone and apparently my wife felt as if the girlfriend was trying to fight her. I honestly wasn't their just going off of what I've heard.


If this is what happened, why did you (or she) say that the baby's life was endangered?


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## maritalloneliness (Mar 18, 2015)

Marriage is hard enough to add growing up in the picture. God bless!


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

I'm sorry but I have a completely different take on this. Okay first of all your sons life was in danger over an arguement with a chair? Unless she was trying to hit her with it then she seems a bit dramatic. Hitting and punching? No excuses. Your son has every right to see your family. Yeah your mom interviened a little too much but that does not warrant her keeping your son from them. She seems to be trying to isolate you from your family. Maybe her inner B is coming out and she is making it where you have nowhere to go? I am sure you love her, you two are so young but that is no excuse. You both have a child now and its time to tell her to grow up. Set some boundaries, like yesterday, or you will be that poor belittled husband years from now being looked down on and disrespected and no one in your life but her. Boundaries and marriage counseling. You are in the Navy so I am sure you can get it for free?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tonedef (Aug 7, 2014)

And biting? Who in the h3ll over the age of 4 does that?!
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## MachoMcCoy (Oct 20, 2014)

Your wife is an immature drama queen. Either stay with her (and probably lose your family and be miserable forever) or leave. 

22 and married to a psychotic 19 year old. And stuck with her because there's a child. Thank you for making me feel better about my life.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Usn_Frank said:


> ... my wife was % 100 convinced that the counselor was only on my side Because I'm in the military.


HUH??? What does your being in the military have to do with the counselor being on your side? Were you seeing a military counselor/chaplain? Counselors don't take sides; in fact, they are generally neutral.

Your wife sounds like a childish a$$. But guess what? YOU married her. Now you have to figure out how to put your foot down and tell her to cut the crap.



Usn_Frank said:


> Whenever she needs consoling, I'm there for her and talk to her and attempt to make her feel better but if I try and vent to her about a relationship Problem she'll turn it around on me around on me and she's mad.


So you are her rescuer, her knight in white armor. Problem is, you are also the victim. She's basically a childish b!tch who most likely pulled the bait-and-switch on you to get married. Sure, she showed you what you wanted to see. Once married? Bam! Now you've got the spoiled brat to contend with. 



Usn_Frank said:


> I honestly feel trapped and hopeless. I just adore my son so much I couldn't imagine not being able to see him it would break me.


Here's why getting married too young can backfire. Before you got married? Hot sex, lots of sex, and you wanted that. She was giving you what you wanted. She was also a lot more pleasant and accommodating.

Now you are stuck with a baby and a crappy wife. 

But you are only stuck because you choose to be stuck.

Alpha-up. Lay down the law. If she splits? Well, I'm sorry. But it's better than sticking it out with this woman and allowing your son to see screwed-up role modeling from two miserable parents.

You are facing some hard decisions. You need to grow up fast. I'm sorry for your situation, but you married a child.


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## Usn_Frank (Apr 19, 2015)

Yes I married her, and she definitely has a lot of growing up to do. Don't get me wrong, I have an anger problew and throw tantrums like a little child and break things, so I definitely have to grow up.

She swears back and forth to me that she is not trying to keep me from my family, and that she has never said anything to keep me from my family. Okay that's cool, but it doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to know when a person is trouybled or annoyed , no matter how much they deny it. I don't care how much I hate her sister or her husband but I would never try and keep my son from her family or make up excuses as to why they can't see him. I love everyone and I am a very peaceful person and she is very resentful, which leads to her a lot of her actions and opinions. 

Like May 2nd will be my little sisters First Communion ceremony, and my wife has said she doesn't want to attend it, but says it's okay if I would like to go. Fine, I want to take my son with me, but I already know she's going to say she doesn't want him around that B! TCH (Brothers GF), or that she's going through separation anxiety. I haven't mentioned this because I'm really attempting to avoid another argument over this. I already know she's going to make up an excuse as to why I can't take OUR son. 

It really hurts, because we all had such beautiful relationships and she let the small insignificant things hurt us. I don't ask much from her, I give her the option of going to school, working or just staying home. All I really ask from her is to open up her heart and be peaceful, but she just holds such deep grudges and hate.

I don't know I love her and my son so much and I'm terrified of losing my son.


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## Prodigal (Feb 5, 2011)

Usn_Frank said:


> Yes I married her, and she definitely has a lot of growing up to do. Don't get me wrong, I have an anger problew and throw tantrums like a little child and break things, so I definitely have to grow up.


You've have complained at length about your wife, but you are man enough to admit your problems. 

Here's the point I want to make: YOU own your problems; not hers. You cannot control her behavior, only your reactions.

So start working on your anger issues. Yes, throwing tantrums and breaking things IS childish. I imagine it also frightens your wife. It may also get her to start fighting back to escalate the "drama factor." Either way, you can only work on yourself.

I know you think your wife is being narrow minded and not willing to compromise. That may be true. But how about you approach her and admit your bad temper and your desire to improve?

If your wife is unwilling to meet you to some degree, you need to make hard decisions. Do you want to stay in a rotten marriage until your son turns 18? Do you think it would benefit him to see two parents miserable in their marriage?

Please consider this.


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## AliceA (Jul 29, 2010)

Don't make a rod of your own back. If you don't want to deal with never having any say in your sons life, put your foot down when it matters to you. Take him to your sister's communion. Don't ask permission. Does she ask permission to take him to her sister's place? Don't get angry, don't get defensive, just be a force of nature, an immovable mountain. You're taking him and that's how it is.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## IamSomebody (Nov 21, 2014)

breeze said:


> Don't make a rod of your own back. If you don't want to deal with never having any say in your sons life, put your foot down when it matters to you. Take him to your sister's communion. Don't ask permission. Does she ask permission to take him to her sister's place? Don't get angry, don't get defensive, just be a force of nature, an immovable mountain. You're taking him and that's how it is.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


If the son is still breastfed, he can *NOT *just up and take his son somewhere. Does he plan on starving his son or letting his mother shove some formula down the baby's throat?

OP needs to think of his family's needs and not always his FOO's.

IamSomebody


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