# How do you deal with unfair treatment of your SO?



## thebirdman (Apr 5, 2014)

My DW has a "sister" (cousin actually) that is a complete slime bag. She abuses and neglects her kids, gets into lots of trouble, and repeatedly takes advantage of her grandparents with whom she lives. Her grandparents and often my MIL always bail her out and stand up for her, even when she is dead wrong. Usually the other grandkids, my DW included, take a back seat to this woman's wants. It does not go unnoticed. I have observed my DW being harassed on multiple occasions because of something foolish the cousin has done. 

I usually keep my mouth shut. I guess I believe that my wife is a "big girl" and I don't want her to think that I think she can't handle things herself and because I believe they all have the right to act however they please even if I think they're incredibly stupid. 

I find myself biting my tongue frequently. There have been two occasions that I can think of on which I have broken my silence. 1. DW cousin punched DW in the face and gave her a black eye. I was absent during this altercation. I arrived to find black eyed DW sitting alone, sobbing. I was livid. I confronted MIL and grandparents about the altercation. They had told my DW if she called the police that they would deny having seen anything. 
I don't remember what I said but I was really angry. Put DW in the car, and left. 

2. Discovered earlier this week that someone had kicked a football sized debt in front fender of DW car. Got pictures of footprint and everything. I suspected it was the cousin. Wasn't for sure but that's where all the arrows pointed. I instructed DW to notify The sheriff immediately. She did and they called the cousin in for questioning where she admitted to damaging the vehicle. 

MIL calls DW and proceeds to ream her out for calling the police when "this should have been a family matter, blah blah blah." I interrupted, MIL and told her I had heard the conversation and that I had instructed DW to notify the police and and basically if she didn't like it then that just sucks for her. I told her I would not permit her to speak to her daughter like that after which DW promptly hung up on her.

Problem is, DW keeps going back and making herself vulnerable because I think she hopes things will change. I don't believe they will for one second. 
I want to protect DW from physical and emotional harm as best I can. This kind of stuff has gone on for a long time. I'm really tired of just sitting back and watching it happen. I really have no interest in straightening her family out. Whatever way they choose to destroy themselves is not my concern.

Has anyone else dealt with situations like this? How should I, as her husband, react when she gets treated badly by her own family members? 
I've mulled this over a lot lately but I don't really have a clear answer. 






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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I feel for you and your wife, your wife needs to figure out they will not change. While you can try to protect her the best you can she will have to be the one to cut ties, it took me 30 years to realize I was better off without my family's drama, my life is a lot quieter now which is how I like it.

One day I just had enough, I hope your wife reaches it soon before she really gets hurt.


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