# Should I be worried ?



## Alex1469

Hello my wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have dealt with infidelity in the past and worked through it. It took about 5 years of trickle truth for her to admit to a 2 year emotional affair with an ex who lived 1500 miles away It was mostly over the phone and computer but I'm pretty sure they met up once when she went away for a work conference. There were also 3 other guys who she admits to contacting on Facebook.old friends and guys she used to date she says. Says nothing physical happened just catching up but I dont see why the voluntary phone number exchange was necessary in all these cases. 
Fast forward 5 years later to today. Life is good and were getting along great. Two great kids,nice house,sex life is back,went to marriage and family counseling at our church. She says she loves me and wants to rebuild our marriage. Total transparency and access to all cell phones,devices and passwords.
So were doing some renovations to our house and needed a contractor to do some plumbing work on our bathroom. Our friend who flips houses reccomend a guy who does good work at a reasonable price. He did the work as promised and all is well. The contractor is a good looking guy about our age 35 if I had to guess. So my wife is in the shower the other day and her phone is sitting on the coffee table. I notice she has a snapchat account. I open the app and notice the contractor is on her friends list. Not under his business's name but his personal name. I asked her how he got on there and she said she doesn't know. She follows his business on Facebook but I dont know how that would transfer to snapchat. One party would have to manually add the other on snapchat right? Also snapchat is known for being shady from what I've heard. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid but any input would be helpful thanks!


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## Wolfman1968

Yes, you should be worried. 

And the reason you should be worried is that your wife's past history indicates that she has a poor sense of boundaries. She also seems not to be worried about your feelings and about disrespecting you.

A history like that is a recipe for future disaster. Maybe with this contractor guy, maybe with someone else.


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## syhoybenden

I concur.

Yes, you should be worried.

5 years ago you found out she had the wanderlust.

She then pulled the wool over your eyes.

She did not change. She has not changed. She has been going behind your back all this time.

You say "We have dealt with infidelity in the past and worked through it". I would beg to differ. You never 'worked through it'. Instead you now 'live with it'.


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

Beware...she is back at it again. Do not fool yourself. Her explanation is lame to say the least. I have racehorses and there is a thing called the racing form one uses to predict which horse will win the race using their past performances. Let’s say the form on your wife documents her past performance. Using the analogy of a racing form.....past performance is highly indicative of future results....hell yeas she is cheating.

Nip this **** in the bud now.


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## Cat Lady

I don’t know anything about Snapchat, but I do know your wife is cheating on you. You may not think she’s done anything physical, but she has. You didn’t work through anything - you let her get away with it.


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## ConanHub

After stabbing you in the back many times over, does she really have any wiggle room for this bull ****?

Maybe she has a mental problem and needs professional help but your woman is loose in that she doesn't have healthy boundaries or much self control it would seem.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Alex1469 said:


> She follows his business on Facebook but I dont know how that would transfer to snapchat. One party would have to manually add the other on snapchat right? Also snapchat is known for being shady from what I've heard. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid but any input would be helpful thanks!


I honestly don't say this to be mean or snarky, but are you really this naive?

How many times has this woman screwed you over? And every time you find out yet *another* unsavory little deed she's pulled (and *lied* to you claiming "none of them were ever physical") you just keep clinging to her like a stray dog desperate for a pat on the head. I honestly don't get it.

She has a freakin' Snapchat account *you didn't even KNOW about*. On TOP of that, the contractor just happens to be in her buddy list but the liar claims that she 'doesn't know how he got there.' Is that all she ever does is LIE?

I guess HER idea of your supposed 'total transparency' rule and yours are entirely two different things. Not surprised. It sounds like she's always got her fishing line out. You THINK you had 5 years of wedded bliss where she was being loyal but I'm willing to bet good money she just got lucky and you didn't catch her at anything until now. And even now, finding her Snapchat was purely due to dumb luck.

When are you going to see this woman for who she _*really*_ is?


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## MattMatt

Hi @Alex1469. Is your wife cheating on you? It is likely that she is.

What do you want to do? Any children?

The family counselling is like a vaccine. Sometimes, a vaccine doesn't work.

I think you need to keep silent and keep your eyes and ears open.


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## faithfulman

If your wife met that EA guy in-person at a conference, it went physical.

No way a guy traveled to meet a woman he's been carrying on with virtually and doesn't get his **** wet.

I do not mean to offend either, but it appears to me that you are the type that does not want to dig and find.out the worst.

You need to dig. Say the word and I'll tell you how to get the information you need from her phone.


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## personofinterest

Wolfman1968 said:


> Yes, you should be worried.
> 
> And the reason you should be worried is that your wife's past history indicates that she has a poor sense of boundaries. She also seems not to be worried about your feelings and about disrespecting you.
> 
> A history like that is a recipe for future disaster. Maybe with this contractor guy, maybe with someone else.


I agree.

OP, your wife is basically a serial cheater with no remorse. She knows exactly what she is doing.


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## CraigBesuden

Isn’t the * whole purpose* of Snapchat to send messages that quickly and permanently disappear? To keep secrets? And she has the handsome contractor added? I bet he’s doing the plumbing all right.

This isn’t rocket science. You know what she’s doing.

Do you want to believe she is virtuous while looking away? Then stay away from her phone. She will put on a show for you and you can be happy with your marriage.

She’s either unable/unwilling to stop or believes that you will accept her behavior.


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## Bibi1031

How many times can she stray and you take her back before realizing this leopard will never change her spots?

DNA the kids just to make sure they are yours because that is spotty too!

Cheesh!!!


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## OnTheFly

CraigBesuden said:


> ....Snapchat....


Classic cheater app.


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## BluesPower

Bibi1031 said:


> How many times can she stray and you take her back before realizing this leopard will never change her spots?
> 
> DNA the kids just to make sure they are yours because that is spotty too!
> 
> Cheesh!!!


This plus....

Yes you should be worried, and you should have stayed worried 5 years ago.

Have you always been this naïve? Did you think it was OK 5 years ago for her to be screwing other men, at least one for sure, while married to you?

I mean, dude, are you kidding with this post? Why in the hell did you stay married to her in the first place?

Please WAKE UP...


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## Yeswecan

Alex1469 said:


> Hello my wife and I have been married for 15 years. We have dealt with infidelity in the past and worked through it. It took about 5 years of trickle truth for her to admit to a 2 year emotional affair with an ex who lived 1500 miles away It was mostly over the phone and computer but I'm pretty sure they met up once when she went away for a work conference. There were also 3 other guys who she admits to contacting on Facebook.old friends and guys she used to date she says. Says nothing physical happened just catching up but I dont see why the voluntary phone number exchange was necessary in all these cases.
> Fast forward 5 years later to today. Life is good and were getting along great. Two great kids,nice house,sex life is back,went to marriage and family counseling at our church. She says she loves me and wants to rebuild our marriage. Total transparency and access to all cell phones,devices and passwords.
> So were doing some renovations to our house and needed a contractor to do some plumbing work on our bathroom. Our friend who flips houses reccomend a guy who does good work at a reasonable price. He did the work as promised and all is well. The contractor is a good looking guy about our age 35 if I had to guess. So my wife is in the shower the other day and her phone is sitting on the coffee table. I notice she has a snapchat account. I open the app and notice the contractor is on her friends list. Not under his business's name but his personal name. I asked her how he got on there and she said she doesn't know. She follows his business on Facebook but I dont know how that would transfer to snapchat. One party would have to manually add the other on snapchat right? Also snapchat is known for being shady from what I've heard. Hopefully I'm just being paranoid but any input would be helpful thanks!


Yes sir, you should be worried. First, who follows a contractor on FB unless it is perhaps a friends business. Snapchat...known cheaters form of communication. 

Sounds like some possible ego kibbles are being sought after. 

Your W has a history...it appears to be repeating itself.


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## sokillme

You are going to have to come to terms with the fact that cheating is in her nature.


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## Alex1469

I appreciate all the advice from everyone. Yes I realize who and what my wife is and what shes capable of. It was either leave and have some new man living in my house around my kids while giving her half my paycheck for the rest of my life or try to salvage the marriage for the good of the family. I'm not being naive,I know what I'm dealing with. 
She really had me convinced that she was devoted to change and to fixing the marriage. I decided to close the book on the past for my own sanity. She will only admit to the bare minimum of what I can prove so of course theres much more I dont know about. Basically theres no point in beating a dead horse was my logic and I cant have fighting and arguing around the kids.
I'll admit I'm behind the times when it comes to all these new social media sites and apps so I was mostly looking for people who are knowledgable about snapchat and how it works and if her explanation is legit. She claims she never used the account was just playing around with the pic filter. Theres some pics of her and the kids on the account nothing bad just pictures of them with funny faces and hair styles ect. Nothing sexy or provocative from what I can see. Snapchat has a bad reputation for cheaters apparently and I'm not liking her friends list excuse because one would have to manually look up and add a friend. She says it automatically added him because she follows his business on Facebook but snapchat is not integrated with other social media platforms and it was his personal snapchat account not a business account like his Facebook is.


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## niceguy47460

You better start digging and get a GPS tracker on her car . And really dig in on her phone . Does she do girls night out . Or going out with friends . You better wake up and put on your investigator hat . Put a tracker on her car and phone right now . 

She is cheating


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## Yeswecan

Alex1469 said:


> I'll admit I'm behind the times when it comes to all these new social media sites and apps so I was mostly looking for people who are knowledgable about snapchat and how it works and if her explanation is legit. She claims she never used the account was just playing around with the pic filter. Theres some pics of her and the kids on the account nothing bad just pictures of them with funny faces and hair styles ect. Nothing sexy or provocative from what I can see. Snapchat has a bad reputation for cheaters apparently and I'm not liking her friends list excuse because one would have to manually look up and add a friend. She says it automatically added him because she follows his business on Facebook but snapchat is not integrated with other social media platforms and it was his personal snapchat account not a business account like his Facebook is.


Your WW most definitely added the contractor on Snapchat. Your WW has lied once again. Seems the church counseling is for naught. Vows apparently meaningless. You want to do what exactly? Stay in the marriage as the warden? What real consequences has your WW experiences from her first infidelities?


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## Bibi1031

Alex1469 said:


> I appreciate all the advice from everyone. Yes I realize who and what my wife is and what shes capable of. It was either leave and have some new man living in my house around my kids while giving her half my paycheck for the rest of my life or try to salvage the marriage for the good of the family. I'm not being naive,I know what I'm dealing with.
> She really had me convinced that she was devoted to change and to fixing the marriage. I decided to close the book on the past for my own sanity. She will only admit to the bare minimum of what I can prove so of course theres much more I dont know about. Basically theres no point in beating a dead horse was my logic and I cant have fighting and arguing around the kids.
> I'll admit I'm behind the times when it comes to all these new social media sites and apps so I was mostly looking for people who are knowledgable about snapchat and how it works and if her explanation is legit. She claims she never used the account was just playing around with the pic filter. Theres some pics of her and the kids on the account nothing bad just pictures of them with funny faces and hair styles ect. Nothing sexy or provocative from what I can see. Snapchat has a bad reputation for cheaters apparently and I'm not liking her friends list excuse because one would have to manually look up and add a friend. She says it automatically added him because she follows his business on Facebook but snapchat is not integrated with other social media platforms and it was his personal snapchat account not a business account like his Facebook is.


You are not naive, but you are staying with her for the wrong reasons. Are the kids all yours and did you DNA them to be certain that they are? You love them for sure and you are sacrificing a lot for them. Please make sure they are legitimately yours. Your wife is a loosey goosey and it is very probable that you are not the only one who could impregnate her.

Sorry man for picking so dang wrong. You sure did pick a bad woman for a wife. She ain't marriage material for sure. She won't be earning mother of the year award any time soon either. I'm glad your kids have you. 

If she can't be faithful, you should reach an agreement with her that allows you to seek pleasure in others too. You shouldn't be the only one getting the short end of the stick here. What will happen when she decides one of these men is a better option for her than you?

Be prepared for that monkey wrench!


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## OnTheFly

Alex, what's your gut telling you?


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## Lila

@Alex1469 Snapchat will add all your contacts if that's what you have it set to do. It will search contacts by email or cell phone numbers and add their Snapchat handle to your list. So unless she already had his contact info stored on her phone, there's no way it could have just appeared without a manual add.


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## niceguy47460

You can private message on snapchat by the way . So I would be looking for them . She can hide her private messages . So if I was you read up on how to unhide them . Google on how to hide and unhide them . There YouTube videos to on how to do this . She added him so she can talk to him without you knowing what they are doing behind your back .


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## No Longer Lonely Husband

I would strongly advise you to consult an attorney. It may not be as bad as you think. The way you are currently living is no way to live.
you deserve much better from a wife. Most definitely DNA your children.


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## Livvie

I suggest you consult with an attorney before just assuming she will be "getting the house" and "half of your paycheck for the rest of your life". It really doesn't work that way.


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## niceguy47460

You better believe if she has him on snapchat they are talking and meeting . Anytime people have someone added to a chat app there is a reason for it .


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## Alex1469

Hi everyone, 
Sorry for the delayed response. I think its important to acknowledge my wrongdoing in the marriage as well. It would be wrong to paint her as the villain here without knowing both sides of the story. I'm certainly no Angel.
We got married in our 20s and drinking was a part of our routine at the time. Her father pulled some strings and got me a great union job with a highway construction company. Drinking with the guys after work became an almost everyday thing. Long story short I was drinking 7 days a week and couldn't stop. Eventually I lost the job,house,and forced both of us into bankruptcy. I did two separate 30 day rehab stints. While I was there I would promise her the world but was drinking again within a week of getting out both times. We had to borrow money from her dad to move into a one bedroom apartment. I was a real loser to say the least. She eventually got pregnant with our son and I cleaned up my act. Quit drinking for over 10 years now and go to AA meetings. Restored our finances,got an even better job,and a beautiful home. I recommitted to the marriage. So the first guy I'm willing to let slide considering the circumstances.
I did have a paternity test on my son he is mine.
The problem I have is the activity after our son was born. She continued to contact ex boyfriends locally on Facebook. Its important to note she initiated contact and she included her phone number and wasnt asked. I was not drinking and was really trying to be a good husband and father. She would usually start with a Facebook message like .. hey stranger nice to see you hows your mom,what are you doing for work,just small talk but she would always include her phone number. I have no problem with the initial "catch up" message but when you include your phone number it communicates that you want to take it to the next level or hook up. She uses the "just a friend " excuse but why did she only persue exs to talk to ? She has plenty of female friends. She claims that only one guy out of 3 responded and she spoke to him twice on the phone.
She also blames post partum depression from the baby for her actions. I dont know I just need to digest all this info be in touch soon.


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## CraigBesuden

I understand why you’d be willing to give her extra chances. But I’d still be worried about Snapchat and her lying about the guy being added. The whole point of Snapchat is avoiding transparency. At least make her delete that app.


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## sunsetmist

I'm thinking this is a polygraph case since you know she is not trustworthy. Y'all are setting a future example for your children.

Sounds like she is spoiled by her family. Your sobriety is to be commended. Do not take any blame for her bad choices.


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## Marc878

Look you are the type who makes excuses to accept her behavior. There isn't any.

I doubt you'd do anything if you got the full truth so why even question?

Deep down you know the score and accepted it.

She is who she is.


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## skerzoid

Alex1469:

With her history, her past is a fitting prologue to her present actions. Past actions are a great predictor of future actions. She is a *serial cheater *( as in serial killer, serial rapist..). It's what she is. She can't change..

1. *Take your investigation underground.* Don't jump at every little piece of information. Wait till you got the goods on her, then confront with shock and awe.

2. *Start digging into everything you can. * Invest in a VAR or two. (Voice Activated recorder). One in her car. One for where she uses the phone.

3. *Visit a lawyer.* Start getting papers ready. You don't have to have her served, but get them ready so you can do it quickly.

4. *You might invest in a PI to have her followed.*

5. *Start following the "180".* Here's a link: https://healinginfidelity.blogspot.com/2014/03/the-180-for-hurt-spouses.html

6. *You need to stop making excuses for her*, she does that plenty easily for herself.

7. *Stop being a doormat.* Do not do the pick-me dance. Do not beg her. It makes you look pathetic.

8. *Woman are attracted to strong, courageous, and confident men.* *Be that man, for you kids if not for yourself.*


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## Rubix Cubed

OK, so you weren't the best husband in the beginning of your marriage. She wasn't the best wife, she did about the worst thing a wife can do. She easily could have left you for your drinking if it was such a huge problem that she felt the need to step outside the marriage. She didn't, she cheated. Crappy choice. You could have cheated when you found out she did, you didn't. You got sober and stayed sober. She kept cheating and she is still cheating. I mean the contractor is only second in the cliche' department to the pool boy. 

See, you are making good choices and she is not, and from the looks of things she likely never will. She seems established as a serial cheater. You need to decide whether you are OK with living as plan B and your wife having boyfriends or if you are not OK with that and need to file for divorce. In all likelihood even if you did decide to stay with her she would eventually leave you for one of her paramours. She may bounce back to you between APs but you will never be her top priority. Sorry if this seems blunt but odds are real good it is reality. The choice is yours. Talk to a lawyer and get solid numbers and facts about what a divorce would look like for you, then compare those numbers to the amount of pain you will have to keep enduring if you decide to save yourself that money.


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## Alex1469

I'm not trying to make excuses for her just pointing out the fact that I'm not perfect but at least I've taken corrective measures to address my problems and I believe she has not.
The counselor layed it out like this. Think of this as your second marriage and your first one is over. You are starting a new marriage with the same person. Translation -
Sweep it all under the rug and eat this big ****e sandwich so your children dont have to witness this horrific fighting everyday. That was a deal I was willing to take. 
Trying to discuss this with her is pointless. I either get the cold,generic answer like" I'm sorry you feel this way,I wish I could change the past" or I get stonewalled or zombie mode as I call it. She stares ahead with this blank gaze,twirls her hair as she rocks back and forth. If I try to press her for info in this state it usually turns into her physically attacking me.
She will most likely be sleeping when I get home from work so I'll take another look at her phone. She probably 
deleted everything if she knows that I'm onto her that's what she did last time. I'll keep you posted


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## Alex1469

One more thing worth mentioning. When I saw her snapchat friends list I noticed that all of her friends had the yellow snapchat ghost avatar with their pic inside but his was different than all the rest. His was a solid blue ghost avatar with no pic and his name next to it. I know certain colors signify different things on snapchat and it seems weird his was the only one that was different probably nothing but you never know..


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## jlg07

If you can get her phone, there are apps that can recover all sorts of deleted information off the phone. I've never used them, but I'm sure some of the folks here can help. DO THAT before your confront her!


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## aquarius1

Alex1469 said:


> I'm not trying to make excuses for her just pointing out the fact that I'm not perfect but at least I've taken corrective measures to address my problems and I believe she has not.
> The counselor layed it out like this. Think of this as your second marriage and your first one is over. You are starting a new marriage with the same person. Translation -
> Sweep it all under the rug and eat this big ****e sandwich so your children dont have to witness this horrific fighting everyday. That was a deal I was willing to take.
> Trying to discuss this with her is pointless. I either get the cold,generic answer like" I'm sorry you feel this way,I wish I could change the past" or I get stonewalled or zombie mode as I call it. She stares ahead with this blank gaze,twirls her hair as she rocks back and forth. If I try to press her for info in this state it usually turns into her *physically attacking me*.
> She will most likely be sleeping when I get home from work so I'll take another look at her phone. She probably
> deleted everything if she knows that I'm onto her that's what she did last time. I'll keep you posted


This, sir, is physical assault. Domestic violence. Makes no difference that you are a man. The police should be called. Charges should be laid. There should be consequences for her actions.

Unfortunately, consequences is something that your wife has not had to face. Ever. You rugswept because someone at church advised you to. You rugswept because you felt guilty. You have allowed her a free pass to behave as she wishes. She is treating you exactly as you are allowing yourself to be treated.

Goodness, don’t you value yourself more than that?

Your wife’s responses worry me. I see definite sociopathic/psychopathic behaviour. Possibly BPD

My teen kids had Snapchat. It’s know for automatically deleting the conversation when the two people close it.

Please read No More Mr Nice Guy. This has to stop. Go into silent mode, say nothing, confront nothing. Start digging. There are people here who can help you to uncover the truth.
Lawyer up. You only have one life. Please choose to spend it with someone who is crazy about you and doesn’t choose cheating with everything that passes by her. You are someone who stumbled and fell, picked himself up and learned some tough lessons. Now you are a better person because of it. 
You deserve better.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Alex1469 said:


> I appreciate all the advice from everyone. Yes I realize who and what my wife is and what shes capable of. It was either leave and have some new man living in my house around my kids while giving her half my paycheck for the rest of my life or try to salvage the marriage for the good of the family. I'm not being naive,I know what I'm dealing with.


Where do you LIVE that supposedly one *HALF *of your paycheck would be _"given to your wife for the rest of your life?"_ Where did you get that utter nonsense? I'm assuming you live in the US and it's likely you live in a no fault state. If you live in one of the very few states that are still 'at-fault,' even THEN there are certain criteria and variables that determine alimony eligibility, length, amount, etc. etc. Your wife was working up to at least 5 years ago because you mentioned she may have seen one of her boyfriends at a work conference, so it's possible she's even back to work - which makes it even harder for her to get alimony. 

In either event - whether she's working or not, she's STILL only been out of work for 5 years, not 15 or 20 years. I highly doubt any judge would order you to give her "half your paycheck" til the day you die. How utterly ludicrous. Seriously, at least go to a lawyer and get the* actual *facts instead of listening to your buddies shooting off their mouths at the water cooler at work, and then pretending to know what you're talking about when you don't.

In between the ridiculous legal/financial reasons you give for staying with her and all the EXCUSES you've made for her lying and cheating over the years (because you screwed up in the beginning so she gets a lifelong hall pass I guess), I honestly don't know what it is you're _looking_ for. Do you want us to tell you that she's _*innocent*_ and her SnapChat - *which you knew nothing about and which you keep glossing over *- is perfectly innocent, and it was the SnapChat evil goblins that put the contractor's name in the app she was keeping secret from you?



> I decided to close the book on the past for my own sanity. She will only admit to the bare minimum of what I can prove so of course theres much more I dont know about. Basically theres no point in beating a dead horse was my logic and I cant have fighting and arguing around the kids.


And THIS is the bull**** you _*get*_ from a remorseless lying cheater when you choose to roll over. I'm sorry, but it is. When you choose to bury your head in the sand over and over again, you're going to keep finding out that she's a liar and a cheater. Of course, the hope is that one day, you finally find your spine and decide you're *done *rolling over. There's no dignity in doing that. It just makes you a welcome mat.

If you're ok (and you seem to be) living with an unremorseful serial cheating liar who physically attacks you when you get too close to the truth, I'm not going to try to infuse any logic into your situation. It works for you or you wouldn't be making all these ludicrous excuses just to stay with someone like this.

So my real and honest advice is, if her lips are moving, she's lying.


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## ConanHub

Alex1469 said:


> I'm not trying to make excuses for her just pointing out the fact that I'm not perfect but at least I've taken corrective measures to address my problems and I believe she has not.
> The counselor layed it out like this. Think of this as your second marriage and your first one is over. You are starting a new marriage with the same person. Translation -
> Sweep it all under the rug and eat this big ****e sandwich so your children dont have to witness this horrific fighting everyday. That was a deal I was willing to take.
> Trying to discuss this with her is pointless. I either get the cold,generic answer like" I'm sorry you feel this way,I wish I could change the past" or I get stonewalled or zombie mode as I call it. She stares ahead with this blank gaze,twirls her hair as she rocks back and forth. If I try to press her for info in this state it usually turns into her physically attacking me.
> She will most likely be sleeping when I get home from work so I'll take another look at her phone. She probably
> deleted everything if she knows that I'm onto her that's what she did last time. I'll keep you posted


Well it appears she is somewhat insane. Hopefully you can get her helped but make sure you and your children are safe.


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## BluesPower

Alex1469 said:


> I'm not trying to make excuses for her just pointing out the fact that I'm not perfect but at least I've taken corrective measures to address my problems and I believe she has not.
> The counselor layed it out like this. Think of this as your second marriage and your first one is over. You are starting a new marriage with the same person. Translation -
> Sweep it all under the rug and eat this big ****e sandwich so your children dont have to witness this horrific fighting everyday. That was a deal I was willing to take.
> Trying to discuss this with her is pointless. I either get the cold,generic answer like" I'm sorry you feel this way,I wish I could change the past" or I get stonewalled or zombie mode as I call it. She stares ahead with this blank gaze,twirls her hair as she rocks back and forth. If I try to press her for info in this state it usually turns into her physically attacking me.
> She will most likely be sleeping when I get home from work so I'll take another look at her phone. She probably
> deleted everything if she knows that I'm onto her that's what she did last time. I'll keep you posted


Dude, look I am sorry. But here is the deal... YOU ARE MAKING EXCUSES for her and everything she has ever done. 

She may have had a good reason to divorce you but she never did and she never will have a good reason to cheat on you. 

It is really past time to wake up. You would do well to listen to what people here are telling you. 

You are being foolish, really, really foolish...


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## SunCMars

I have a thing about Synchronicity.

Two things, seemingly not connected, but cannot be that anything 'else".

She takes a shower, is absolutely naked, rubbing with soap her 'parts'.
Her parted place.

At that same instant, you look in her phone and find her new squeeze.

I suspect the moment that you came across his name, she was thinking of his staff, and she too, came.

It works this way.

Yes, it does.

She needs to go, not come on your dime, not on your timeline.

Just Sayin'




King Brian-


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## SunCMars

Bibi1031 said:


> You are not naive, but you are staying with her for the wrong reasons. Are the kids all yours and did you DNA them to be certain that they are? You love them for sure and you are sacrificing a lot for them. Please make sure they are legitimately yours. Your wife is a loosey goosey and it is very probable that you are not the only one who could impregnate her.
> 
> Sorry man for picking so dang wrong. You sure did pick a bad woman for a wife. She ain't marriage material for sure. She won't be earning mother of the year award any time soon either. I'm glad your kids have you.
> 
> If she can't be faithful, you should reach an agreement with her that allows you to seek pleasure in others too. You shouldn't be the only one getting the short end of the stick here. What will happen when she decides one of these men is a better option for her than you?
> 
> *Be prepared for that monkey wrench!*


Better said, 'Monkey Wench!'

Ah, sorry!

.........................................................................

To be honest, I would not hate her, I would just write her off. 

She is an investment that never proved profitable.

It is better to live life having less money, then to live it owning no dignity.

Divorce.


KB-


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## Ursula

Yes, be worried and keep your eyes open and your mouth shut when poking around for information.


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## Alex1469

Hello everyone,
Sorry for not posting in awhile it's been a hellacious week at work.I'll check in tomorrow morning when I can get some time to myself. Thanks for all the continued support.


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## Marc878

You change nothing, nothing changes.


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## Alex1469

Ok so I confronted her about the snapchat. She deleted it as predicted says she never used it plus she didnt want to mess things up because we've been doing so well lately. Checked out the guys FB page married,kids,seems like a family man. Said that he was probably added because snapchat automatically adds your phone contacts who are members. She had his number because she is the one who was dealing with setting appointments and writing the checks which I knew about and was ok with. She showed me all text communication between them and it was all business related. Of course she could have deleted any compromising texts so who knows. Really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.
My wife is a very attractive woman. She works in a busy office building and has Male co workers and clients. There are literally thousands of apps and chatrooms,websites,and social platforms. What's worse is people can have multiple accounts and identitys along with burner phones and devices. 
She is not the center of my universe anymore. I have a great life and relationship with my kids. If we split up she will have another man living there in a month tops. Maybe hes a nice guy,maybe not.. maybe he likes kids,maybe not.
Then the bloody mess of a divorce that will follow. 
With all this being said I'm not opposed to keeping my eyes and ears open.and am open to taking suggestions. I'm a dummy when it comes to tech to be honest. I tried to install an app on her phone once but couldn't get it to work right. She has an I phone and I have all passwords also most of her bad activities were done on an old mac laptop she deleted all her messages but the computer is slow but still works so maybe get info from the hard drive ?


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## BruceBanner

Sounds like it's time for that divorce.


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## She'sStillGotIt

Alex1469 said:


> Ok so I confronted her about the snapchat. She deleted it as predicted says she never used it plus she didnt want to mess things up because we've been doing so well lately. Checked out the guys FB page married,kids,seems like a family man. Said that he was probably added because snapchat automatically adds your phone contacts who are members. She had his number because she is the one who was dealing with setting appointments and writing the checks which I knew about and was ok with. She showed me all text communication between them and it was all business related. Of course she could have deleted any compromising texts so who knows. Really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.


You're right, it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things because you're not ready to hear the truth and actually believe the steaming load of bull she gave you. 



> She is not the center of my universe anymore. I have a great life and relationship with my kids. If we split up she will have another man living there in a month tops. Maybe hes a nice guy,maybe not.. maybe he likes kids,maybe not.


Let me guess - you have that on the same authority that told you half your paycheck would "go to her for life," right? Alex, attractive women are a* dime a dozen* - yours isn't unique. That doesn't automatically mean tons of men are going to be beating each other up _just_ for the privilege of moving into your house so they can deal with you - her angry, bitter ex-husband - and your kids. Believe it or not, *most *men don't find an attractive woman worth paying THAT kind of price tag. Will they want to date her? Sure. Will they want to have sex with her? Absolutely. Would they want to move into her house with her and have to deal with her kids? Oh HELL no. That's just another nonsense *excuse* you tell yourself so you can continue clinging to her like grim death and not have to do anything about your situation.



> With all this being said I'm not opposed to keeping my eyes and ears open.and am open to taking suggestions. I'm a dummy when it comes to tech to be honest.


Even when you *do* keep your eyes open and you DO find obvious evidence, you just manage to delude yourself back into submission again anyway, because you really don't want to know the truth. 


> I tried to install an app on her phone once but couldn't get it to work right. She has an I phone and I have all passwords also most of her bad activities were done on an old mac laptop she deleted all her messages but the computer is slow but still works so maybe get info from the hard drive ?


And when you find out, *yet again*, that you married a sneak and a liar, what will you DO with that information? Will you make a bunch of excuses for her again and pretend everything she told you is the gospel truth, like you're choosing to do this time when you caught her with the hidden Snapchat account?

Nothing changes if nothing changes.


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## faithfulman

Get Fonelab and run a recovery on her phone.

There is a version for iPhone and another for Android.


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## Alex1469

You're right about the "half my paycheck" comment it wasnt meant to be taken literally. Of course I cant predict the outcome of a court case before it happens but here's what I do know based on my experience and the laws in the state Where I live.
I have a son from a previous relationship who is 19. In my state you pay child support until they are 21 for the most part unless they are in college then it can be extended. Also have to furnish health insurance till the age of 26.
So I'll give you an example based on someone making $1000 a week and is paying support for 2 kids.
$1000
- $250 child support 25% 
_$300 federal/state tax 30% approximately 
-$150 health insurance through my employer 
$150 other miscellaneous deductions 401k ect
So in this example the actual take home pay from $1000 a week salary would be $150. Remember child support is taken out pre tax. This isn't my actual salary I just used it because it's a nice round number but you get the picture.
Right now I see my kids everyday and I know they are safe. Me and my son have the best relationship and love baseball we go to major league games all the time. My daughter is my whole world. I get to stay in my house. I look at my wife as a sex playmate or FWB/roommate, not my wife so it is what it is. I'm a good looking guy and would have no problem getting a date plus I got a few female "just a friends" too since the rules have changed. 
I work with a guy who's wife cheated on him too. He has her under lock and key. She has to document all miles driven,take pictures of places she goes,and is under constant surveillance and subject to random cell phone searches. That's no way to live and I dont want to be that guy. She will resent him and ultimately lose any love she has left. I ultimately want to save my marriage maybe someday she'll grow up.


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## Tilted 1

Nothing worse than being the marriage police, that a hell of a way to live.


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