# His Wife and His Mother



## mstsclark (Jan 12, 2012)

Hi everyone, me and my soon to be husband mother do not see eye to eye. At first everything was going all good, until he put his foot down. She was calling wanting him to take her places and do alot of things for her. Don't get me wrong he love his mother but, she is so worsesome. It all got started with me when we went to his mom house for Thankgiving and his ex wife was there. We did not stay we came in for a few minutes and left, after we left she called both of our cell phones asking why did we leave...I wanted to say "Why the hell you think we leave" but that's his mama and I respect her because I that kind of person. How do I deal with her still associating with his ex wife? I mean Im not saying she should hate her or dislike her, but at least show the newly coming wife some kind of respect.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Does the ex-wife have children with your husband?

It certainly was not nice of her to have his ex there for a family holiday. Does your MIL really like his ex? Or does she just like the ex since he's with you?

When did you meet your husband? Before he divorced his wife? Or after the divorce.


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## mstsclark (Jan 12, 2012)

Yes...they have one daughter which is seven and she has had a set of twins which are 3 by another man. They been separated since she was 2 and they been divorced since we got togother. I mean I hate things are like they are and I would never won't him to be in a situation where he has to choose between his wife or his mother. But if tha's how she's gonna be and having the ex over, I will just stay my distance. My husband even told her she was wrong for that but she said, she didn't mean any harm and she didnt think no one would get upset about it. And now that we don't go around as much, she thinks I'm keeping him from his family....


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## Jbear (Jan 12, 2012)

Just having strife with your soon to be mother inlaw is putting your husband in the middle... it seems with the family gathering that he was likewise not informed... maybe you can talk with him and he can talk to her seeing that it is his place

However if he is not wanting to talk with his mother it maybe an idea to get together to establish a relationship with her... for the love and thankfulness that she is the one who had him for you to love. If she had a fondness for you then she would be less likely to cause you and your husband grief...

Do remember he loves you and may have moments of dislike for his mother but blood is thicker than water and she has been there far longer than you... do make an attempt for a peaceful co-existence, for you have the same goal... the best interests of the man you love being both her son and your soon to be husband


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## Chrysalis (Mar 20, 2012)

Setting boundaries is hard, especially if you don't do so immediately the first time an issue comes up that requires one. Unless the ex-wife is at MIL's house every year for the holidays, MIL disrespected you by not warning you first, otherwise your DH really screwed up by not letting you know.

You need to figure out what your boundary needs to be, then you need to lay down the law in no uncertain terms the next time it comes up. Just be clear about what you will (and will not) accept. Be prepared to back this up with firm decisions and, especially, consequences.

Think of yourself as a parent teaching something to a child.


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