# Wife's Friend's Husband Cheating



## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

My wife went to dinner with one her girlfriends last night and sent me a picture of one of her friends husbands sitting with a woman at the bar. She said it looked like they were "on a date". I said it could be a friend, cousin, who knows? My wife's friend's daughter is friends with his daughter so he has her phone number from play dates and what not. So this guy texts my wife's friend "you know the drill, I wasn't here lol", "tell jen (my wife, not her real name) the drill", he also added that his lady friend said "oh does she know". My wife sends me a screen print of his text and it's obvious that this wasn't innocent.

My wife wants to tell her friend, but this is more of an acquaintance from kids play-dates or whatever and not really a friendship where they talk or interact outside of when her daughter is here. I said don't get involved, he'll get caught eventually, especially being so brazen to do it in the open at a popular bar in town where everyone knows everyone.

Don't get me wrong it's a ****ty position to be in for her, both of us actually because I know his wife too. But I don't feel it's right to be the ones to blow up a marriage with kids involved. If it was a close friend or something, of course. But an acquaintance I'm thinking mind our business.


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## Lostme (Nov 14, 2014)

I would have to tell, would not be able to look the woman in the face, and I would want to know.


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

The guy opened the door when he texted your wife. HE made it your business.


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## knobcreek (Nov 18, 2015)

blueinbr said:


> The guy opened the door when he texted your wife.


He didn't text my wife, he texted my wife's friend she was out with. I know there's a lot of cast of characters in this topic.


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## JohnA (Jun 24, 2015)

Surprised you feel shouldn't let the BS know. You have been down that road.


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## Síocháin (Mar 11, 2016)

I am pretty sure my STBXH was cheating on me before he left and a lot of people knew this.....except me. PLEASE tell her. You can do it anonymously. Then it's up to her to handle it.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

knobcreek said:


> My wife went to dinner with one her girlfriends last night and sent me a picture of one of her friends husbands sitting with a woman at the bar. She said it looked like they were "on a date". I said it could be a friend, cousin, who knows? My wife's friend's daughter is friends with his daughter so he has her phone number from play dates and what not. So this guy texts my wife's friend "you know the drill, I wasn't here lol", "tell jen (my wife, not her real name) the drill", he also added that his lady friend said "oh does she know". My wife sends me a screen print of his text and it's obvious that this wasn't innocent.
> 
> My wife wants to tell her friend, but this is more of an acquaintance from kids play-dates or whatever and not really a friendship where they talk or interact outside of when her daughter is here. I said don't get involved, he'll get caught eventually, especially being so brazen to do it in the open at a popular bar in town where everyone knows everyone.
> 
> Don't get me wrong it's a ****ty position to be in for her, both of us actually because I know his wife too. *But I don't feel it's right to be the ones to blow up a marriage with kids involved*. If it was a close friend or something, of course. But an acquaintance I'm thinking mind our business.


You and your wife aren't blowing up anything. He is.


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

Yeah, I was married to a man that I found out, _way_ late in the game, had been a serial cheater for the vast majority of our relationship. And a rather appalling number and assortment of our friends and acquaintances knew about it _for years_. No one ever told me. A few didn't think he was doing anything wrong because they were cheating on their partners, too. Nearly everyone else later said they felt bad about him humiliating me like that for all that time, but they all seemed to think it wasn't their business to tell me. 

I have a scant handful of friends now. I cut everyone who knew and didn't say anything out of my circle. Because real friends don't help your spouse publicly humiliate and betray you. 

If your wife isn't willing to tell her friend in person, then an anonymous email or note is definitely in order.


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## straightshooter (Dec 27, 2015)

Your wife is not blowing up his marriage. HE IS!!!

And since they are not good friends of yours let your wife do what she feels is right.


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## EmiSue04 (Jun 4, 2014)

Im on the fence about this one.

Ive never personally told anyone that their spouse was cheating but Ive seen what it has done to marriages and friendships a like. Part of me agrees with you that you should stay out of it because in all reality its none of your business and whos to say this woman will even believe you guys. I also agree that he will get caught eventually. On the other hand I can see why people would suggest telling this woman. 

Ive just seen the effects go either way. I watched a family member of mine tell another family member about their spouse cheating. It was a huge mess. The couple ended up working it out and staying together but this couple also has no communication with the family member that told them. Its just a crappy situation to be in my friend.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

knobcreek said:


> Don't get me wrong it's a ****ty position to be in for her, both of us actually because I know his wife too. But I don't feel it's right to be the ones to blow up a marriage with kids involved. If it was a close friend or something, of course. But an acquaintance I'm thinking mind our business.


I'm trying to figure out WHY this important information somehow becomes LESS important to the BS just because you're an acquaintance versus being a close friend.

How does that CHANGE the importance of the truth for the BS?


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## NoChoice (Feb 12, 2012)

All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men (and women) to do nothing. If this man brought home something to his unsuspecting wife which caused her illness and death would you be an accomplice?


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

You have got to tell, if nothing else it give the wife time to plan her exit. I had suspected my wife (now ex) of cheating but kept sweeping my suspicions under the rug, than one day a got a sympathy card in the mail from an unknown sender telling me what was going on and with who, and I had no doubt it was all true. That gave me the advantage of taking some protective measures before I told her I was filing for divorce.

Do the right thing, tell the woman.


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## PhillyGuy13 (Nov 29, 2013)

If this was third-hand gossip I would suggest staying out of it.

However, there he was at the bar, smile on his face without a care in the world for all the town to see.

Tell her. "Oh I saw XXXX at the bar last night. Who was that girl he was with - is that your niece?"
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> If this was third-hand gossip I would suggest staying out of it.
> 
> However, there he was at the bar,*on his face smile without a care in the world *for all the town to see.
> 
> ...


I don't know them and he still pisses me off.


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

PhillyGuy13 said:


> If this was third-hand gossip I would suggest staying out of it.
> 
> However, there he was at the bar, smile on his face without a care in the world for all the town to see.
> 
> ...


If you are going to tell her, that is probably the best way to do it.


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## citygirl4344 (Mar 4, 2016)

You have to tell the wife.
You aren't destroying the marriage by telling, he is by cheating. She needs to know.


Sent from my iPhone


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Was wondering if this woman he was with was married. It would be great to tell her husband, family, friends by asking if she knew he was married. That would get the word out that he is not available. I guess that wouldn't be so easy. 

What happens at the bar, stays at the bar. It really doesn't. Everyone just keeps their mouth shut when around the BS and laughs behind their back. 

I'd ask if it was a cousin or niece or something. 

I hope you don't have friends like that. Someone might be laughing at you.


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

2ntnuf said:


> Was wondering if this woman he was with was married. It would be great to tell her husband, family, friends by asking if she knew he was married. That would get the word out that he is not available. I guess that wouldn't be so easy.
> 
> What happens at the bar, stays at the bar. It really doesn't. *Everyone just keeps their mouth shut when around the BS and laughs behind their back.
> *
> ...


Your wife told you. The friend she was with told someone else. And they told someone. And they...

And everyone says nothing to the wife.

Imagine the BBQs, and birthday parties for the play date kids.

Imagine it was you.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

Best place for her ("not Jen") to hear it from is husband. Instead of taking this pic/text and forwarding it to anybody, I'd walk backwards along the communications chain. 

Have wife talk to wife's friend (the one who received the text talking about "the drill". See if that friend doesn't think it's appropriate to simply reply to supposed cheater "you were seen in public. I wasn't the only one who saw you. Please have this conversation with your wife. If you don't, she'll probably find out some other way."

That would be best. Especially since the guy initiated the conversation by sending the text in the first place.

Otherwise - it's someone else's business.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

DustyDog said:


> Best place for her ("not Jen") to hear it from is husband. Instead of taking this pic/text and forwarding it to anybody, I'd walk backwards along the communications chain.
> 
> Have wife talk to wife's friend (the one who received the text talking about "the drill". See if that friend doesn't think it's appropriate to simply reply to supposed cheater "you were seen in public. * I wasn't the only one who saw you.* Please have this conversation with your wife. * If you don't, she'll probably find out some other way*."
> 
> ...


Sounds like threats to me. I know you didn't mean it that way. 

You have to either do it or stay out of it and live with what you've decided. Don't make like you are her friend when she is sobbing over the phone to you. 

That would be another betrayal.


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## DustyDog (Jul 12, 2016)

2ntnuf said:


> Sounds like threats to me. I know you didn't mean it that way.


It would sound like a threat to someone who feels guilty or has esteem issues. All I meant by it is that if someone else saw them together, his indiscretion might get forwarded to his wife via any of those others - even accidentally, such as a pic posted on Facebook "Look at this cute couple".


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

DustyDog said:


> It would sound like a threat to someone who feels guilty or has esteem issues. All I meant by it is that if someone else saw them together, his indiscretion might get forwarded to his wife via any of those others - even accidentally, such as a pic posted on Facebook "Look at this cute couple".


Wouldn't the wayward husband in this thread have guilt issues? At least there is a chance of it, right? 

I know what you meant it to sound like. 

My thoughts are that one should either get some balls or stay out of it completely, including any consolations due. That person who doesn't speak up, is not a friend.


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## BrokenLady (Jan 19, 2015)

The poor betrayed wife NEEDS to know!! You have a photograph....

"My wife went to dinner with one her girlfriends last night and sent me a picture of one of her friends husbands sitting with a woman at the bar."

....tell about the text as well. This POS husband is dragging others into his 'don't tell, mates secrets...' rubbish! I find that quite worrying too. How loyal is the recipient of the don't tell message?

Would you want someone to tell you if it were your wife at the bar or would you be happy with everyone laughing behind your back?


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## Malaise (Aug 8, 2012)

OP

Don't you wonder why the cheater was so certain they would keep his secret?


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

DustyDog said:


> Have wife talk to wife's friend (the one who received the text talking about "the drill". See if that friend doesn't think it's appropriate to simply reply to supposed cheater "you were seen in public. I wasn't the only one who saw you. Please have this conversation with your wife. If you don't, she'll probably find out some other way."


My friend to other friends WH text would read more along the lines of "Sorry, other people at the bar who saw you and your mistress don't know the drill and have given you 3 days to tell your wife yourself before she hears it from one of us."

It's not a threat. It's a choice. Either you tell or I will.


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## 2ntnuf (Jul 14, 2012)

Malaise said:


> OP
> 
> Don't you wonder why the cheater was so certain they would keep his secret?


He had her back. Now, it's her turn. 

Great friends.


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