# Newly separated



## amitheonlyone (Sep 15, 2011)

Never thought I would be on a forum to talk about my personal matters but here I am, newly separated. I have always been a private person and kept my personal issues to myself, I guess maybe it was how I was raised. Even though this is a public forum, at the same time it seems anonymous while being able get things off your chest. 

I have been married for almost 15yrs and together for almost 20. Our relationship started out when we were both young. At that age you don't listen to anyone's advice except what you feel in your heart. She graduated from highschool and decided against her parent's wishes to move in in with me while I was starting my junior year in college. I remember how we first moved into that little apt and we forgot to get the electricity turned on so there we were our first night and sitting in the dark, laughing and talking about this was the first day in the rest of our lives. 

It was a struggle, her parents had cut her off and my mother had cut me off but my dad tried to help us secretly as much as he could. She went and got a job as a waitress while I finished school. Times were tough and our relationship had it's ups and downs but somehow we managed to make it through and to this day I appreciate all the sacrifices she made to be with me and support us through those couple years. We got married not soon after my graduation and then I ended up getting my first job out of school. I was finally able to support us and give back what she gave us.

Through the years that followed, we fought, we made up, we lived through tears and we lived with laughter. We eventually had 2 beautiful boys and our priorities shifted and our kids became our lives. But somewhere along the way, we started losing a little bit of us. We started to fight more and communicate less. Making our relationship work seemed like going against the grain. I never cheated on her during our time together even through the worse periods. I traveled extensively for my job and the opportunities and temptations were always there but something always held me back from taking that step. As far as I know, she hasn't cheated on me during our marriage either. So it wasn't about wanting someone else. I don't proclaim to be a saint, I have said and done things that I will always regret. We never really understand the power of words and how much impact it has when you hear it from someone you love. And vice versa, the words you should have said but never said enough. One thing I wish I could have said more was those 3 words, I love you. They seem so simple to say but I always assumed my actions and fidelity would let her know how much I loved her without having to say them. 

So after all these years, the only thing we ever knew was being with one another. But here I am in a room, alone. After all the fights and name calling we decided it was time to separate. She said she wants to work on us and rebuild our relationship but something seems different with us. Something is missing. The irony is that when we had nothing we had each other and now that we have everything, we lost one another. We don't talk to each other anymore and we treat our friends better than we treat each other. Our conversations devolve into an offense and defense. There's no communicating but just digging up the past faults we have with each other. 

Now my pride won't let me pick up the phone to call her. I wish I could say that this was all a lie but does that just mean I'm too scared to say goodbye?


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## Shamwow (Aug 15, 2011)

Sorry to hear this man...

Few details please:

Whose idea was it to separate?
Are you still traveling extensively for work?
What do you fight about?
Have you looked into marital counseling?
Do you want to reconcile?
Do you blame her for something specific/vice versa?
Sex life?

Sounds like you married pretty young. Naturally, people grow up a lot through their 20's and 30's, sometimes in different directions.

There's been no evidence of cheating by either of you, that's a good start. You seem to feel regret at your share of the difficulties in the marriage, does she? 

She wants to work on things and rebuild...do you?

Insanely hard to say goodbye...if you want or need to then so be it. If not, you have many options, others on this board will be a great help in that department. Good luck, sorry this is happening...


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