# Never had sex before wife, never had sex w/wife without condom...



## onceler1 (May 15, 2015)

I sometimes feel insecure about this, as a man. But I never had a successful sexual encounter prior to meeting my wife, and then once me and my wife began having sex, we haven't had sex not a SINGLE TIME without a condom. It's never been a problem and it's always been good, so there's probably nothing to worry about here. It just seems odd in a way, because I was told my whole life how it's easy to make a mistake or lose control or what not, yet I never have, probably from being terrified of having a kid. Ironic thing is, I'm willing to bet at our age now (34, 37) we wouldn't even get pregnant anyway. I'm a software engineer, doubt I have super good motility of sperm unless I began working out. I eat really healthy though so who knows.

Since we don't want kids maybe it doesn't matter. I am just afraid of never feeling what sex is like without a condom. Maybe if I'm still healthy when we're in our 40's I can enjoy it then.

Just read some stories on here about folks' sexual adventures from when they were younger and it makes me wish I had had just a couple at least to fondly remember. All I have is failed encounters (couldn't stay up, or felt horrible pain trying to have sex. My wife didn't cause these problems for some reason.)


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## Yeswecan (Jul 25, 2014)

If you don't what kids get clipped. Then you can go without a condom.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I agree. If you're both sure you don't want kids, I'd be standing at the doctor's office at dawn with the scalpel in my hand.


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## onceler1 (May 15, 2015)

Fozzy said:


> I agree. If you're both sure you don't want kids, I'd be standing at the doctor's office at dawn with the scalpel in my hand.


We're not 100% sure neither of us can decide completely. Haha. Anyway isn't it potentially dangerous to get a visectomy? Side effects, libido issues? Haha I have enough trouble preventing myself from going before she does even with a condom, wondering if it'd be worse without...maybe condoms are HELPING our sex life lol


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

onceler1 said:


> We're not 100% sure neither of us can decide completely. Haha. Anyway isn't it potentially dangerous to get a visectomy? Side effects, libido issues? Haha I have enough trouble preventing myself from going before she does even with a condom, wondering if it'd be worse without...maybe condoms are HELPING our sex life lol


As far as safety goes, it's far safer for you as a permanent solution that it would be for her to get tubal ligation. Libido issues aren't really a factor. Your nuts still work, you're just blocking the off-ramp.


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## CharlieParker (Aug 15, 2012)

A non hormonal IUD served us well.


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## SimplyAmorous (Nov 25, 2009)

If you don't want permanent .... look into getting an IUD for her...an alternative to a vasectomy.. I chose this over him getting clipped... these can be taken out and fertility restored.. there is a Non hormonal IUD called paragard (what I have... and love... can stay in for up to 12 yrs)..... it is ideal to have put in after a woman has children... but it can work for those who never had any also.. my aunt had hers for many years , had it taken out.. and she had a daughter when she was 40.


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## NobodySpecial (Nov 22, 2013)

WRT the IUD suggestions... back up. Instead of recommending a specific BC method, it is advisable for your wife, and you if that is cool, to see her gyn and talk about all the different methods. Non-hormonal IUDs come with risks as do hormonal and any other kind. Medical advice is great from docs! It is what they are there for!

(Both my IUDs were a nightmare. DeoProvera was worse. YMMV)


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## badsanta (Oct 13, 2014)

onceler1 said:


> *I'm a software engineer*, ...
> 
> Just read some stories on here about folks' sexual adventures from when they were younger and it makes me wish I had had just a couple at least to fondly remember. All I have is failed encounters (couldn't stay up, or *felt horrible pain trying to have sex.* My wife didn't cause these problems for some reason.)


I'll toss this out there. If there is any chance you have high functioning autism, then it may be likely that you are hyper sensitive in your genitals. Those with autism generally experience and perceive sensory input from their nervous systems much differently than the average person. An example would be that if your skin gets wet, that the sensations can overwhelm you from even being able to think about something else. 

Perhaps your wife was the first partner that was extremely gentle which helped you avoid pain. 

Anyway, I could be completely wrong, but just wanted to toss that out there for you to think about...

Badsanta


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## Abc123wife (Sep 18, 2013)

Don't count on not being fertile at age 34 and 37. All 4 of our kids were conceived after my husband was 38 and me 29. I had my 4th at almost 38 and when husband was 46. There would have been more if were hadn't used good birth control between kids and after the last.


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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

Abc123wife said:


> Don't count on not being fertile at age 34 and 37. All 4 of our kids were conceived after my husband was 38 and me 29. I had my 4th at almost 38 and when husband was 46. There would have been more if were hadn't used good birth control between kids and after the last.


I got a good chuckle out of that one, too.

OP, you've got at least 20 more years before you can even BEGIN to start hoping to no longer use condoms. I've lost count of all the people out there who are in their mid-50's and were surprised by late-in-life kids. A lot of them have kids going off to college - and a 5 year old starting kindergarten. That was my worst fear after my son left for college. LOL.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

She'sStillGotIt said:


> Abc123wife said:
> 
> 
> > Don't count on not being fertile at age 34 and 37. All 4 of our kids were conceived after my husband was 38 and me 29. I had my 4th at almost 38 and when husband was 46. There would have been more if were hadn't used good birth control between kids and after the last.
> ...


This happened to my daughter's best friend mom.....the year they graduate HS she was pregnant with her late life baby. My DD came home with a sound warning that there will be no more babies from me. Her bf was embarrassed by it all...and passed that he had babysitti duties.

So OP keep wearing that condom unless you want a surprise.


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## Young at Heart (Jan 6, 2015)

onceler1 said:


> I sometimes feel insecure about this, as a man. But I never had a successful sexual encounter prior to meeting my wife, and then once me and my wife began having sex, *we haven't had sex not a SINGLE TIME without a condom.* It's never been a problem and it's always been good, so there's probably nothing to worry about here. It just seems odd in a way, because I was told my whole life how it's easy to make a mistake or lose control or what not, yet I never have, probably from being terrified of having a kid. Ironic thing is, I'm willing to bet at our age now (34, 37) we wouldn't even get pregnant anyway. I'm a software engineer, doubt I have super good motility of sperm unless I began working out. I eat really healthy though so who knows.
> 
> *Since we don't want kids maybe it doesn't matter*. *I am just afraid of never feeling what sex is like without a condom.* Maybe if I'm still healthy when we're in our 40's I can enjoy it then.
> 
> Just read some stories on here about folks' sexual adventures from when they were younger and it makes me wish I had had just a couple at least to fondly remember. All I have is failed encounters (couldn't stay up, or felt horrible pain trying to have sex. My wife didn't cause these problems for some reason.)


In the big picture of life there are far worse things than never having unprotected PIV sex. For one having a wife who refuses to have any kind of sex with you is far worse.

Either the two of you both want children or you need to have an effective method of birth control. A condom is the least invasive and darn effective. 

Let's repeat, unprotected sex is not some shiny star on a hillside that everyone urns for. There are much more important things in life, especially for those that don't want children.

Good luck to you.


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