# 12 year marriage may be going down the drain?? Help..advice. Thank you.



## Girl33 (Nov 27, 2009)

I looked up warning signs of a troubled marriage and came across a website that listed these following signs and I can agree to every single one. We do them All!!  
We are more of pals or roommates then a married couple. The only things we have in common are our love of cars and animals which we have a lot of. :/ 
We are both to stubborn to move out or move on. We have talked about year after year but nothing has ever happened. I DO love him and he says he loves me but we fight like crazy! 
We work different hours we eat by ourselves and cook our own food. We do sleep in the same bed but with a ton of pillows between us as a divider I guess. 
We do not have children.... I have had a lot of medical problems and never been able to. He is very bitter because of that, but now says he does not want children with me anyways. He will not go to a councilor because they will just tell him what he already knows.... we don't need to be together. This has been going on for more than half our marriage but yet we are still here spinning our wheels. What is it going to take to be the final straw?? OR will we just keep living together even though we do not get along most of the time?? My major problem is.... I am afraid of being alone again and starting over and I would have to move back in with my mom in another town. I have a obsessive behavior problem and I know if I do leave him for good I will stalk him or watch the house. I just know I will...... I can't help myself. He will not move out of the house and somewhere else but he should because we have let this house go for years now without any up keep and its a total wreck trust me!! We let it go because we do not care about each other I guess.... 




* The two of you bicker a great deal.

* You are withdrawing from one another or use the eye roll a great deal.

* You don't fight fair.

* There is a lot of nitpicking going on between the two of you.

* You no longer have fun together.

* You have nothing nice to say to one another.

* You don't talk with one another about your problems.

* You don't respect one another or you nag one another.

* You can't agree on goals and values.

* You don't trust one another and feel suspicious.

* The level of sexual intimacy in your marriage is low.

* Teasing has become hurtful.

* Your spouse tries to isolate you from your family and friends.

* You are happier when your spouse is away from home for an afternoon, a meeting, or for a business trip.

* You realize that there is emotional and/or physical abuse in your marriage.

* One of you has considered being unfaithful or has been unfaithful.


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## happilymarried67 (May 7, 2008)

Gee, won't get help and you are stuck in a rut of a horrible list. I wouldn't waste the rest of my life being comfortable with what you have. You may need to see a therapist to help you with your choices to stay or move on. Work on you - first and then you will be in a better position to work with your husband, either on your journey together or apart. Good luck.


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## Girl33 (Nov 27, 2009)

happilymarried67 said:


> Gee, won't get help and you are stuck in a rut of a horrible list. I wouldn't waste the rest of my life being comfortable with what you have. You may need to see a therapist to help you with your choices to stay or move on. Work on you - first and then you will be in a better position to work with your husband, either on your journey together or apart. Good luck.



I know... I do not want to wait till I am 40 or older to start over. I am 34 now! He is 36.... and said he WILL NOT wait till he is 40.. so what do I do wait 4 more years to see what happens? I just don't know.......


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## Girl33 (Nov 27, 2009)

TTT...... Any input? Anyone ever been in my shoes?


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