# Sex drive increase



## Twodecades

I'm female and I've noticed that since entering my late 30's (I'm approx 40), my libido has ramped up. I don't know if it's due to no longer having small babies hanging on me or if it's hormonal. I could happily have sex every day, which I think my husband finds a wee bit intimidating/demanding. 

I recently did research for an academic paper I'm working on about human sexuality and could find no great pool of reliable data about what is average desire of frequency for a woman by decade or for married couples (and I am NOT trying to conduct a poll). In the course of researching, I have begun to wonder if it is "normal" or common for a woman's sex drive to increase at this point in life. I know there is the cliche that a woman's sexual peak is at 40, but there is not much actual data to support that (just as there is no actual data about the "seven year itch" cliche that people believe is true). 

Has anyone else experienced this? (Men are welcome to answer for their wives). Is this likely a temporary thing that will cool off once I hit menopause?


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## Luckylucky

I always had a high libido before kids, had a few years of health troubles and exhaustion when they were small, husband was a bit awful too so my drive plummeted. Drive went right up after all this was resolved, I’m mid-40s now. 

So I’m not sure if hitting late 30s was a coincidence? Maybe?? I don’t see mine falling much in the future, not sure what menopause will bring


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## Divinely Favored

Twodecades said:


> I'm female and I've noticed that since entering my late 30's (I'm approx 40), my libido has ramped up. I don't know if it's due to no longer having small babies hanging on me or if it's hormonal. I could happily have sex every day, which I think my husband finds a wee bit intimidating/demanding.
> 
> I recently did research for an academic paper I'm working on about human sexuality and could find no great pool of reliable data about what is average desire of frequency for a woman by decade or for married couples (and I am NOT trying to conduct a poll). In the course of researching, I have begun to wonder if it is "normal" or common for a woman's sex drive to increase at this point in life. I know there is the cliche that a woman's sexual peak is at 40, but there is not much actual data to support that (just as there is no actual data about the "seven year itch" cliche that people believe is true).
> 
> Has anyone else experienced this? (Men are welcome to answer for their wives). Is this likely a temporary thing that will cool off once I hit menopause?


My wife is more sexual now(52) than before her hystorectomy. Dropped off with kids. She was in mom mode and stressed, she did not realize the time in between. I would be pissed and feeling neglected and she would say, we hust had sex the other day.....you mean 10/12 days ago? She did not realize it had been that long. She is an overthinker....how to keep everyone happy. Just did not have hubby on top of that list.


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## TXTrini

I'm 41, 2 years post-hysterectomy with a high libido. My drive was very high in my late teens and 20's, but dipped later on due to hormonal changes and sexless marriage. I have no kids, but have had an underactive thyroid since my mid-late 20's amongst other things.

My drive surged in my late 30's and 40+ to the point of having very obscene thoughts lol. I can easily go at least once a day, but after 16 months of regular sex, I can get by 3-4 times a week. I'm not sure if I am fully menopausal but may have been perimenopausal since my surgery. So who knows, it could change again. 

Your paper sounds interesting, I'd love to know how it ebbs and flows to kinda gauge what to expect.


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## heartsbeating

I don't think my post will indicate much to you, however, I'll chime in that I also felt a type of surge during my 30s and which is continuing into my 40s. Together 26 years. No kids. Not reached menopause yet. I'm aware that a few close friends in their 40s - early 50s feel highly sexual. Most have kids. I've received a text from a married friend saying, 'I'm horny AF. Can't wait until he gets home'. And I've responded, 'Thank you for sharing that information.'  However, I wouldn't want to assume that my peers represent the majority, or if someone is not experiencing that as their own 'normal', that it indicates anything other than difference.

In saying that, I do suspect how I personally feel in my 40s might correlate with a consistent desire towards my husband, that combines and is further propelled through being desired _by_ him. No doubt there's layers that contribute to the dynamic of a long term commitment and daily life and living together; combine those aspects with shared sexy intimacy and, for me at least, seems to keep me highly _ignited_. Granted, with a personal baseline. As for frequency, I prefer not to disclose where we're currently at. It feels too personal, and I think each couple (or individuals) need to determine what works for them rather than reading of potential comparisons.

Enjoy yourself. Let us know what you learn.


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## heartsbeating

TXTrini said:


> ...very obscene thoughts


Approved!


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## Sfort

TXTrini said:


> I can easily go at least once a day, but after 16 months of regular sex, I can get by 3-4 times a week.


Sorry if this is a TJ, but the question seems to fit in this discussion. To any women in this t thread, after having sex once per day, everyday, do you ever get sore?


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## ccpowerslave

Sfort said:


> Sorry if this is a TJ, but the question seems to fit in this discussion. To any women in this t thread, after having sex once per day, everyday, do you ever get sore?


Not a woman but back in the day when my wife and I were banging 2x day every day she would pump the brakes due to soreness. 1x a day I can say only sometimes for example if I happened to last unusually long.

I’m still hoping she has a horny phase that kicks in although TBH with the odd random exception of me flaming out on almost every date night we’re doing quite well ATM.


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## Twodecades

Thank you all for the feedback!

@Luckylucky and @Divinely Favored, kids seem to be libido killers when they're young. I'm sure the hormonal influences of back to back pregnancies and nursing didn't help me. I know I would lose track of time between "activities," as DF mentioned. 

I find it very interesting (and encouraging) that DF and @TXTrini shared that libido increased after hysterectomies. I would have thought the opposite, but the only friend I have that's like me is also HD after her hysterectomy. 

I know the health of the relationship affects desire for a partner from a woman's standpoint (and I assume for a man's at least to some degree), as some changes we made in our relationship did have some affect on my desire to be intimate with my husband. (Though I find I am also less likely to be turned off sexually by something he does that offends or irritates, now, too.) Perhaps the increase in self-confidence that women tend to gain in their 3rd and 4th decades also plays a part in making sex more enjoyable?


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## Twodecades

heartsbeating said:


> I don't think my post will indicate much to you, however, I'll chime in that I also felt a type of surge during my 30s and which is continuing into my 40s. Together 26 years. No kids. Not reached menopause yet. I'm aware that a few close friends in their 40s - early 50s feel highly sexual. Most have kids. I've received a text from a married friend saying, 'I'm horny AF. Can't wait until he gets home'. And I've responded, 'Thank you for sharing that information.'  However, I wouldn't want to assume that my peers represent the majority, or if someone is not experiencing that as their own 'normal', that it indicates anything other than difference.


No, that is actually quite helpful. I have friends spanning various age groups, and with the exception of one woman, most either complain that they're too tired (younger than me with kids) or that they are just never in the mood (my age and older). I have a hard time opening up with them about being HD, because most of them just can't relate. Your friend's text = awesome!  


heartsbeating said:


> As for frequency, I prefer not to disclose where we're currently at. It feels too personal, and I think each couple (or individuals) need to determine what works for them rather than reading of potential comparisons.


Absolutely understand!

My research isn't one female libido, specifically, but I'll definitely share what I am able to glean!


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## Twodecades

Sfort said:


> Sorry if this is a TJ, but the question seems to fit in this discussion. To any women in this t thread, after having sex once per day, everyday, do you ever get sore?


No worries, I have a pretty high tolerance for thread jacks. 

I think it depends on how much "friction," i.e. how long intercourse lasts, how much stimulation she needs, and how lubricated she stays. Being aroused enough to create natural lubrication would help prevent soreness, probably. Again, those are just my thoughts. Once a day wouldn't negatively affect me, but everyone is different.


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## Twodecades

ccpowerslave said:


> Not a woman but back in the day when my wife and I were banging 2x day every day she would pump the brakes due to soreness. 1x a day I can say only sometimes for example if I happened to last unusually long.
> 
> I’m still hoping she has a horny phase that kicks in although TBH with the odd random exception of me flaming out on almost every date night we’re doing quite well ATM.


I am a liiiiitle bit jealous. Lol. Re: frequency, there is something to be said for quality, as well, which it sounds like you realize and appreciate. Glad to hear you're enjoying your wife! That's the way it should be!


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## Divinely Favored

Twodecades said:


> Thank you all for the feedback!
> 
> @Luckylucky and @Divinely Favored, kids seem to be libido killers when they're young. I'm sure the hormonal influences of back to back pregnancies and nursing didn't help me. I know I would lose track of time between "activities," as DF mentioned.
> 
> I find it very interesting (and encouraging) that DF and @TXTrini shared that libido increased after hysterectomies. I would have thought the opposite, but the only friend I have that's like me is also HD after her hysterectomy.
> 
> I know the health of the relationship affects desire for a partner from a woman's standpoint (and I assume for a man's at least to some degree), as some changes we made in our relationship did have some affect on my desire to be intimate with my husband. (Though I find I am also less likely to be turned off sexually by something he does that offends or irritates, now, too.) Perhaps the increase in self-confidence that women tend to gain in their 3rd and 4th decades also plays a part in making sex more enjoyable?


Her libido returned because she is faithful in her HRT. Her libido is what it was like the 1st 4 yrs before kids except for all the times during recovery from miscarries. 3 with me and a tubal before our 2 boys. She is ready tp go anytime i initiate. If she is hurting or ill of course i do not initiate. We are at least every other day, usually 5x week. If by 3rd day i have not she comes after me aggressively.😁 She climbs on her side of our king, looking at me like a lioness looks at wildebeast she is about to make a meal out of! I guess you are feeling better?!😁


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## TXTrini

Sfort said:


> Sorry if this is a TJ, but the question seems to fit in this discussion. To any women in this t thread, after having sex once per day, everyday, do you ever get sore?


Some, but that just adds to the interest. All the encounters happens within a 48hr period. Bf is sore though, men are more fragile. 


Twodecades said:


> No worries, I have a pretty high tolerance for thread jacks.
> 
> I think it depends on how much "friction," i.e. how long intercourse lasts, how much stimulation she needs, and how lubricated she stays. Being aroused enough to create natural lubrication would help prevent soreness, probably. Again, those are just my thoughts. Once a day wouldn't negatively affect me, but everyone is different.


I think so. Each encounter can be 15 to 45 min each time with little breaks to delay the end. It also depends on how you two fit together. I'm not going to get specific, before I run the men off clutching their pearls


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## TXTrini

Twodecades said:


> Thank you all for the feedback!
> 
> @Luckylucky and @Divinely Favored, kids seem to be libido killers when they're young. I'm sure the hormonal influences of back to back pregnancies and nursing didn't help me. I know I would lose track of time between "activities," as DF mentioned.
> 
> I find it very interesting (and encouraging) that DF and @TXTrini shared that libido increased after hysterectomies. I would have thought the opposite, but the only friend I have that's like me is also HD after her hysterectomy.
> 
> I know the health of the relationship affects desire for a partner from a woman's standpoint (and I assume for a man's at least to some degree), as some changes we made in our relationship did have some affect on my desire to be intimate with my husband. (Though I find I am also less likely to be turned off sexually by something he does that offends or irritates, now, too.) Perhaps the increase in self-confidence that women tend to gain in their 3rd and 4th decades also plays a part in making sex more enjoyable?


Hormones seem to run the show, for sure. When my surge happened, I was newly single and it freaking sucked. Its mostly the reason I started dating so soon. 

Definitely can confirm the health of the relationship affects desire, I was horny but not specifically for my husband when I was married. Behavior can be a real turnoff, for sure, but also make one more accommodating.


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## ConanHub

I've actually heard of this happening quite often.

It has probably been underreported because of similar situations like those you find yourself in right now.

There was a poster here that described it being like a teenage boy or young man in drive strength because it was making her a little crazy and her husband was having difficulty keeping up.

My Mrs had a very strong run for over two decades. I met her when she was 31 and she was very down for it and very durable into her fifties.

She can still go once a day at 61 and I can sometimes coax two out of her but her drive has never matched mine either so I have never had the perspective of trying to keep up with her.

She laughs at commercials about T levels and getting testosterone treatment and then sternly warns me "Don't you even think about it! I can't handle you as is!" 😆


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## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> men are more fragile.


Do tell....🙄


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## Twodecades

TXTrini said:


> Bf is sore though, men are more fragile.


I had not even considered soreness on the male end of things! Huh.


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## Twodecades

One doesn't often read men saying how they aren't really up for or interested in having sex every day. It's usually the opposite. Do you think it's because men are usually higher drive, or is it "wimpy," for lack of a better term, to admit they aren't always ready to go?


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## ConanHub

Twodecades said:


> One doesn't often read men saying how they aren't really up for or interested in having sex every day. It's usually the opposite. Do you think it's because men are usually higher drive, or is it "wimpy," for lack of a better term, to admit they aren't always ready to go?


I think there is something to banter and bravado when it comes to men but it does seem that they generally have a higher drive but I wouldn't say by much.

I've known many men who could not keep up with many women I have known but I have found the women don't generally let it be known how high their drives are where men sometimes think theirs are because they're men after all.

I have heard of more men who actually do have a little higher drive than their wives.

I have encountered several instances however, where the wife's drive exceeded her husband's by many times. There are some very low drive men out there.

I have a very high drive and always have. My wife probably has what could be considered normal to a little high.

I know from research and an occasional poster here that there are women with pretty high drives too.


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## ccpowerslave

ConanHub said:


> She laughs at commercials about T levels and getting testosterone treatment and then sternly warns me "Don't you even think about it! I can't handle you as is!"


I do the same thing I’m like, “Hmm maybe I should look into that.” I get “Nonononono...” coming back.

As for men, yes! It is a thing. When I was in college my friend was walking weird and kept fidgeting. I asked him what was up and he said he had sex with one of his roommates about 8 times last night and his urethra was sore. I was like, “Wow dude sad problem there...”

I experienced it myself a couple times having sex 5+ times a day but that hasn’t happened since my early 20s so it is a problem lost to time, like tears in the rain...


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## Twodecades

ccpowerslave said:


> it is a problem lost to time, like tears in the rain...


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## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> I've actually heard of this happening quite often.
> 
> It has probably been underreported because of similar situations like those you find yourself in right now.
> 
> There was a poster here that described it being like a teenage boy or young man in drive strength because it was making her a little crazy and her husband was having difficulty keeping up.
> 
> My Mrs had a very strong run for over two decades. I met her when she was 31 and she was very down for it and very durable into her fifties.
> 
> She can still go once a day at 61 and I can sometimes coax two out of her but her drive has never matched mine either so I have never had the perspective of trying to keep up with her.
> 
> She laughs at commercials about T levels and getting testosterone treatment and then sternly warns me "Don't you even think about it! I can't handle you as is!" 😆


That's exactly how I felt, it was maddening. I lost control of myself for a bit. Thankfully, my bf didn't walk. We had problems earlier on, but he was afraid he wasn't enough.


ConanHub said:


> Do tell....🙄


Come on, I don't need to spell out. 


Twodecades said:


> One doesn't often read men saying how they aren't really up for or interested in having sex every day. It's usually the opposite. Do you think it's because men are usually higher drive, or is it "wimpy," for lack of a better term, to admit they aren't always ready to go?


Some men definitely have lower libidos, my exH did and complained when I tried to talk about it. My bfs is lower, but he makes an effort and I stopped initiating to take the pressure off. I don't think he's a wimp at all, but he's analytical and presented his thoughts well. Even so, it bothered his ego and he was insecure for a while. 

I dated one guy who was butthurt that he was done and I was still good to go after several rounds. He took it very personally and got ugly, so I think some men are sensitive and full of bravado, not men in general.


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## Sfort

TXTrini said:


> I dated one guy who was butthurt that he was done and I was still good to go after several rounds. He took it very personally and got ugly, so I think some men are sensitive and full of bravado, not men in general.


A lot of men don't realize that the number of times he can go in a day is related to his refractory period. It's just biology. I'm not sure that having a shorter refractory period makes you any more of a "man". It may give you bragging rights, but I'm not sure anyone cares.


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## TXTrini

Sfort said:


> A lot of men don't realize that the number of times he can go in a day is related to his refractory period. It's just biology. I'm not sure that having a shorter refractory period makes you any more of a "man". It may give you bragging rights, but I'm not sure anyone cares.


Exactly! Attitude is everything, it separates the men from the boys. I was _more_ attracted to my bf bc he was a great sport but made no apologies. I much prefer quality over quantity. Everything else is good (so far), so it's not a point of contention.

It can get frustrating waiting days, but that's when you take responsibility for yourself and take care of business. 

Question for the other HD ladies in the thread:
Do you ask for more sex or initiate more? Is mismatched drives a real problem like it is for HD men with LD women? Or are you ok with less sex if both the sex and the relationship is really good?


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## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> Come on, I don't need to spell out.


Individuals vary.

One of the biggest challenges of my life has been coping. I'm crawling the walls a lot of days and it was worse when I was younger.

The craziest women I've ever been with tapped first and Mrs. C barely kept up the first week we were together.

I've known a few others who had their ladies always tapping before them as well.

It would be surreal to be on the other side for once and have to tap out myself. Surreal but very welcome.😉


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## Twodecades

I initiate more. Sometimes it bothers me, but I know that some of the reluctance on his side is work load/stress and fear of not being able to follow through. I love my husband, so I will work through whatever, through thick and thin. I still get enough frequency that I am satisfied.


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## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> Individuals vary.
> 
> One of the biggest challenges of my life has been coping. I'm crawling the walls a lot of days and it was worse when I was younger.
> 
> The craziest women I've ever been with tapped first and Mrs. C barely kept up the first week we were together.
> 
> I've known a few others who had their ladies always tapping before them as well.
> 
> It would be surreal to be on the other side for once and have to tap out myself. Surreal but very welcome.😉


I didn't want to be crass. Besides, all of us are sexually active adults who know the variables. 

Hmm, I suppose it depends on what you want?  I'm not happy with just the physical aspect, I tried it, wasn't the least bit satisfying. Crazy monkey sex is only hot for me if I'm in love with the man, otherwise it's just meh.

Isn't it better to be with someone you share everything with? I envy all of you long married couples who keep your passion and love alive.


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## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> I didn't want to be crass. Besides, all of us are sexually active adults who know the variables.
> 
> Hmm, I suppose it depends on what you want?  I'm not happy with just the physical aspect, I tried it, wasn't the least bit satisfying. Crazy monkey sex is only hot for me if I'm in love with the man, otherwise it's just meh.
> 
> Isn't it better to be with someone you share everything with? I envy all of you long married couples who keep your passion and love alive.


LoL!  There is no doubt I love my lady and I'm very happy to be with her.


I might have misunderstood your fragile comment but physically, I can just have a lot more sex than my wife or any woman I've known on pretty much all levels. They've all worn out physically quite sooner than me.😐


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## TXTrini

ConanHub said:


> LoL! There is no doubt I love my lady and I'm very happy to be with her.
> 
> 
> I might have misunderstood your fragile comment but physically, I can just have a lot more sex than my wife or any woman I've known on pretty much all levels. They've all worn out physically quite sooner than me.😐


Alright then...
Mr. Butthurt was shaking, took a cold shower, had a nap and ate cookies to keep going.


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## ConanHub

TXTrini said:


> Alright then...
> Mr. Butthurt was shaking, took a cold shower, had a nap and ate cookies to keep going.


Hahahaha! I don't get him being butthurt but I've never heard of a cold shower and cookies before.😆


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## Divinely Favored

One thing i discovered is length of session varies with hormone level. Before i started T replacement therapy and my estrogen level/ratio was all whacked....it did not take long at all!! Especially back then i had my wife on a pedestal mentally. I was a big 6'05" country boy and she was a smoking 5'03" blue eyed brunette hottie 3.5yrs my senior. I felt out of my league with her.

Got T levels up and duration increased substantially. There is no quickie per say...45 min.is quickie. 

Room temp plays a big part too. If it gets warm to me to where i am uncomfortable...i can go to point of exhaustion and not climax. I can see it from here, but i cant get there from here.

That caused some hurt on her part. Thinking something was wrong with her. I finally got her to understand that it had nothing to do with her or the way i felt about her. It was physical and if i do not climax...im OK with that. I would continue everyday for a week and not be able to and still be just fine. 

When she understood that, she went into overdrive. We have been in ways more sexual now(52F,49M) then we were the 1st 2 yrs together.

It was about the intimacy together...not the sex act itself. That she was very well pleased and sassified made me satisfied...i did not have to reach climax. It is the intimate closeness that fills my tank. Just as i get great pleasure giving her a massage from her neck to soles of her feet with oil. Giving her pleasure gives me pleasure.

Sorry for the ramble...i like to talk about my beloved wife. It stops women from flirting when right off you start talking about the awesomness of your bride.😁


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## Twodecades

I like to hear men brag about their wives. It sets good boundaries, and it can set a tone for how you actually perceive your spouse.

I didn't know that low T caused affected duration of intercourse. Interesting.


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## heartsbeating

TXTrini said:


> Question for the other HD ladies in the thread:
> Do you ask for more sex or initiate more? Is mismatched drives a real problem like it is for HD men with LD women? Or are you ok with less sex if both the sex and the relationship is really good?


I'd definitely rate quality over quantity. From my perspective, he initiates slightly more although we do both actively initiate. Granted, he knows that I'm typically 'on' and I attempt (haha) _subtlety _intended as a form of balance, and perhaps the illusion of mystery. That's not particularly easy when I know that I can just glance his way, without doing or saying anything, and he's asked 'Is that right?' and I've replied, 'mhm'. And yet, when you can read each others body language succinctly in that way, it can also contribute to seduction. The smallest action of just circling a finger in the other's hand while at a social gathering, which no-one else can see, is a communication of 'I want you' until not needing to be composed anymore. To me, those things are balanced with more forward demonstrations - yet forward in a way that is more about interaction of body language between us. I don't know if this is making sense?


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## Divinely Favored

Twodecades said:


> I like to hear men brag about their wives. It sets good boundaries, and it can set a tone for how you actually perceive your spouse.
> 
> I didn't know that low T caused affected duration of intercourse. Interesting.


Hormones alter brain chemistry, reaching climax is in the head(not the smaller one either)


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## Divinely Favored

heartsbeating said:


> I'd definitely rate quality over quantity. From my perspective, he initiates slightly more although we do both actively initiate. Granted, he knows that I'm typically 'on' and I attempt (haha) _subtlety _intended as a form of balance, and perhaps the illusion of mystery. That's not particularly easy when I know that I can just glance his way, without doing or saying anything, and he's asked 'Is that right?' and I've replied, 'mhm'. And yet, when you can read each others body language succinctly in that way, it can also contribute to seduction. The smallest action of just circling a finger in the other's hand while at a social gathering, which no-one else can see, is a communication of 'I want you' until not needing to be composed anymore. To me, those things are balanced with more forward demonstrations - yet forward in a way that is more about interaction of body language between us. I don't know if this is making sense?


Perfect sense to my beloved and I. We are right there with you. We even speak for each other. It is like we read the others thoughts and speak them before the other does. It is being one.


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## heartsbeating

Twodecades said:


> No, that is actually quite helpful. I have friends spanning various age groups, and with the exception of one woman, most either complain that they're too tired (younger than me with kids) or that they are just never in the mood (my age and older). I have a hard time opening up with them about being HD, because most of them just can't relate. Your friend's text = awesome!


Well, from a few randoms on the interwebz, no you're not alone .

I'm less forthcoming about our sexual relationship than some of my friends, although I don't discourage conversation. They know that I'm sexually motivated but otherwise I'm fairly private; which I guess is subjective, what is private to me could be open to someone else. Anyway, most friends that I've been close with in recent years have a positive and engaged view of sex. Some time back, there was a friend who shared insecurities and was preventing herself from being sexually open with her husband. That conversation was met with encouraging her to make changes towards improving the sexual connection with her husband delivered in a kind of fun and bantered way. While I've read here about interactions between wives that discount sex or not interested or aspects of commiseration, that's not what I encounter based on my core group of peers. Occasionally I hear aspects of a friend's marriage they feel needs to be different, or some form of dissatisfaction. I'm the annoying friend that tries to bring an objective view where possible, or just listen. Whereas personally, anything that needs to get discussed between my husband and I, is sorted between us. If a friend asks how we deal with something or other, I'm happy to share about our dynamic or my world view, but that's it.


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## heartsbeating

Divinely Favored said:


> Perfect sense to my beloved and I. We are right there with you. We even speak for each other. It is like we read the others thoughts and speak them before the other does. It is being one.


I am hitting like on this but I gotta say, we don't speak for each other. 

That wouldn't go down well in the bat-cave


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## ccpowerslave

Divinely Favored said:


> Perfect sense to my beloved and I. We are right there with you. We even speak for each other. It is like we read the others thoughts and speak them before the other does. It is being one.


Kind of like the masterpiece “2 Become 1” by the Spice Girls.


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## Evinrude58

My experience tells me that women on average seem to greatly have increased drive about 36 and it goes on through forties at least. 
a 40 year old woman I’d compare to a 20yr old man. Jmo


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## Sfort

Divinely Favored said:


> reaching climax is in the head(not the smaller one either)


I heard that, with age, the sensitivity of the little one decreases and affects the ability to reach climax.


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## Twodecades

heartsbeating said:


> Well, from a few randoms on the interwebz, no you're not alone


Well, between you, TXtrini, Divinely Favored's wife, my one friend, and me, there are five of us in the world!


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## heartsbeating

Twodecades said:


> Well, between you, TXtrini, Divinely Favored's wife, my one friend, and me, there are five of us in the world!


Fox Force Five!


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## heartsbeating

In all seriousness, there's obviously more women than is represented here with high libidos. They're across the board and shockingly, out there offline too!

Within your friend group, there could be others that just aren't willing to admit it - or they might not be interested or have other reasons. If you raised how you felt you might bring others to think about things differently, or you might ostracize yourself among them. Also, the friend that texted me that message has also relayed that her man is very good in bed. You'd only want to share such a sentiment with someone that you really trust. Knowing this doesn't change my interactions or views of them, other than I'm happy for her. However, I don't share such statements as I'm perhaps overly protective of my relationship.


----------



## Divinely Favored

heartsbeating said:


> In all seriousness, there's obviously more women than is represented here with high libidos. They're across the board and shockingly, out there offline too!
> 
> Within your friend group, there could be others that just aren't willing to admit it - or they might not be interested or have other reasons. If you raised how you felt you might bring others to think about things differently, or you might ostracize yourself among them. Also, the friend that texted me that message has also relayed that her man is very good in bed. You'd only want to share such a sentiment with someone that you really trust. Knowing this doesn't change my interactions or views of them, other than I'm happy for her. However, I don't share such statements as I'm perhaps overly protective of my relationship.


 We are same way, would never tell anyone we know. My wife tells me "you're good!", I just tell her "I want to be for you". I think part of the increase in a womans libido is due to being satisfied regularly. I just want to take her to the next level of ecstasy, places she has never been before, so i read about stuff all the time, new tips, new tricks. Im just a man that wants to please his wife beyond her wildest expectations. I think that makes her eager for intimate times. If she is not satisfied regularly, she is not as apt to want to jump in the sack daily, it would seem to me. But then again i crave the intimacy, not just the climax.


----------



## Twodecades

Since the topic of duration has come up in addition to frequency, I thought I'd share this. Keep in mind, it's technically a news story, not from an academic journal...however, it's a least it's from an academic source (I wouldn't trust data from pop magazines).



Good sexual intercourse lasts minutes, not hours, therapists say | Penn State University


.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Twodecades said:


> Since the topic of duration has come up in addition to frequency, I thought I'd share this. Keep in mind, it's technically a news story, not from an academic journal...however, it's a least it's from an academic source (I wouldn't trust data from pop magazines).
> 
> 
> 
> Good sexual intercourse lasts minutes, not hours, therapists say | Penn State University
> 
> 
> .


Good news for me!


----------



## ConanHub

Twodecades said:


> Since the topic of duration has come up in addition to frequency, I thought I'd share this. Keep in mind, it's technically a news story, not from an academic journal...however, it's a least it's from an academic source (I wouldn't trust data from pop magazines).
> 
> 
> 
> Good sexual intercourse lasts minutes, not hours, therapists say | Penn State University
> 
> 
> .


Mrs. C used to be able to go for an hour or more at a time but her window is around 15-20 minutes these days for intercourse.

Every once in a while I push it to 30-45 minutes and she is pretty worn out but still has a smile on her face.


----------



## Sfort

Twodecades said:


> Since the topic of duration has come up in addition to frequency, I thought I'd share this. Keep in mind, it's technically a news story, not from an academic journal...however, it's a least it's from an academic source (I wouldn't trust data from pop magazines).
> 
> 
> 
> Good sexual intercourse lasts minutes, not hours, therapists say | Penn State University
> 
> 
> .


Maybe they just surveyed men.


----------



## Divinely Favored

ConanHub said:


> Mrs. C used to be able to go for an hour or more at a time but her window is around 15-20 minutes these days for intercourse.
> 
> Every once in a while I push it to 30-45 minutes and she is pretty worn out but still has a smile on her face.


Right. Wife said she is greatful for the time together, does not matter if 10 min or 1hour 10 min. Longer is good for her. We are blessed as she is easily brought to climax with PIV and if i keep going, they keep coming.


----------



## Twodecades

Sfort said:


> Maybe they just surveyed men.


Lol. That's a good question! I would imagine survey participants were somewhat equally comprised of men and women--though women still make up the majority of nursing staff--but I don't know what the gender split is in sexual medicine. Not sure of the patient gender composition, either.


----------



## frenchpaddy

one time when my wife wanted a second baby she found a very high sex drive and it got to the point that I was feeling oh not again looking back now they were the good old days


----------



## laura_j

Like the others after I had kids in my late 20's and my sex drive decreased. It is odd the way the human body works. My husband use to want to have sex every night and I had a hard time keeping up with him and he often felt rejected. In my late 30's and now 40, my sex drive has increased. My sex drive was increasing as I got older, but after I found out about my husbands affair at 39 (he won't admit to), my sex appetite is in overdrive. My husband can't keep up and I am regularly rejected. I don't know why is affair has made me this way and I often fantasize about what he did with other women while we have sex. It is the weirdest thing and I wish it would stop, but it turns me on. 

Early in the discovery, I had sex twice a day - (This lasted for a few months, but he could not keep up and I could not take the rejection and soft ****)

Then I tried once a day for a while, but even then I was constantly rejected

Now, on average it is every other day, but I let him initiate, because it is painful to be rejected. I engage in self pleasure when I need more

I try and tell myself, that I use to regularly reject him when he wanted to have sec every night, and it doesn't mean he loves me any less. The 'affair' complicates things


----------



## Divinely Favored

Sfort said:


> I heard that, with age, the sensitivity of the little one decreases and affects the ability to reach climax.


Mine started drastically, i was taking T replacement and a AI pill to stop t conv to estrogen. When i stopped the AI, recommended by urologist, the estrodial increased some and it improved alot. 

Also if it is a little warm to me(above 72 deg)..i am like a energizer bunny until exhausted. If she up for it i can keep going for as long as she wants to. If i am hot it annoys me enough to break concentration and get my mind off the matter at hand.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Found this thread to be interesting and funny.

yeah, I’m gonna revive.

Might as well add my wife to the mix. She is 41 and has returned to her 22 year old form. Well, not quite that, but more than close enough. I could barely keep up with her back then, but ONLY because I hate being awake in the morning. Back then was 3x a day. She used to always say, “it looks like you are ready to go this morning. What do you mean you want to sleep?”

naw. That’s Jimmy. He’s always awake before me.

Now at 41, she is ready to go 5 days a week. Sometimes 6, sometimes all 7. Been like this since December 2020. We typically get in a double feature every other week, sometimes more depending if our A-hole kids are close by to ruin things. I swear they can just smell the fun times. There always has to be 2 interruptions, minimum. Lots of knocking and “what are you guys doing in there?”. “Mommy?”. “MOMMY?!”

so yeah, frequency is way up compared to the 2-4 times per month that I had grown used to. This had nothing to do with having kids, though. She went dead for 16 years. 8 years before and 8 years after children.

the other awesome thing about her is that it isn’t just frequency. The quality level has drastically increased. Recent reports from the QC lab say the levels have reached “mind blowing” and “crazy monkey”. We’ve been trying plenty of new things. My plan is to continue to bring up as many new things as possible. Gotta strike while the iron is hot.

kudos to all of you that go on these 30 minute to 2 hour long sex benders. Don’t know how you do it. Maybe you all should join the porn industry.😂 I won’t be pulling that off. 5-10 minute sessions is how my wife and I roll and we both end up being PLENTY satisfied. 30 minutes only happens if we are playing some sort of game. Thankfully, my refractory period is typically 40-60 minutes. We like to get away to a hotel about once a month. Typically sign in, have sex, go downstairs to get some dinner from the hotel restaurant then have some more sex.


----------



## ccpowerslave

LATERILUS79 said:


> Thankfully, my refractory period is typically 40-60 minutes.


I was with you up until here. Mine is ~20 minutes and it feels like 20 years.


----------



## LATERILUS79

ccpowerslave said:


> I was with you up until here. Mine is ~20 minutes and it feels like 20 years.


The way you roll, I honestly assumed you just kept plowing away And never stopped.

hell, I’m surprised you even sleep.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> The way you roll, I honestly assumed you just kept plowing away And never stopped.
> 
> hell, I’m surprised you even sleep.


  
I wondered too! I like sex, and I wouldn't choose it over sleep! Congrats on fixing things between you two, that is wonderful!

Apparently, men vary a ton with that, my bf's refractory period is more like 12hrs, NOTHING shortens it - I've tried. The first time we managed 3, nearly 4 times within about 8 hrs, but he said that was only because he was really horny and hadn't had sex in a long time. 

We already only see each other on weekends, and sometimes he's not "feeling it". So, he makes sure it lasts more than 5 minutes of I would not be a happy camper. It's not about being a porn star at all, it's about compromise for us.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> I wondered too! I like sex, and I wouldn't choose it over sleep! Congrats on fixing things between you two, that is wonderful!
> 
> Apparently, men vary a ton with that, my bf's refractory period is more like 12hrs, NOTHING shortens it - I've tried. The first time we managed 3, nearly 4 times within about 8 hrs, but he said that was only because he was really horny and hadn't had sex in a long time.
> 
> We already only see each other on weekends, and sometimes he's not "feeling it". So, he makes sure it lasts more than 5 minutes of I would not be a happy camper. It's not about being a porn star at all, it's about compromise for us.


Why don’t you see him more often? That sucks, Trini. You cut out the cancerous ex-husband. You are living your best life with a man you love. I would think you’d be knocking down his door on a daily basis. When something is good, I’m going to maximize my time with it and get every last ounce of enjoyment out of it. Just my opinion.

so what does he consider “a very long time” to go without sex? I’m curious because my libido hasn’t dropped since I discovered I had one in my teens. At a bare minimum, the mechanical release needs to be daily.

His long wait for sex reminded me of something. It is no secret here that my wife and I needed IVF to have kids. For someone like me, there’s a part of this process that sucks. Like sucks REALLY bad.

the man has to go 6 days with no sex and no mechanical releases. 6 days. I feel like a good portion of the male population can handle this. I became exceptionally grumpy. It’s like trying to hold in pee for 6 days.

thankfully, my desperate need to “get the lead out” overcame the painfully awkward and embarrassing procedure of having to get myself off at the doctor’s office.

my wife REFUSED to help even though the doc was all like, “yeah, you can help! Just no mouth and vagina. Can’t taint the sample.” Yeah, can’t say things candidly like that to an introverted woman at the doc’s office. I then asked her if I could load up some nice pictures of her on my phone or something. Nope. That ain’t gonna happen either.

ok, so I gotta go in empty handed (figuratively, of course). Room looked like any other sterile, doc office room. Definitely not the type of room that turns you on. Oh, I guess except for the stack of porn mags. Nice of them to do that. I did notice the subscription label on the front of the Mags. 😂.
Anywho, like I said, it was like holding in a pee for 6 days. I think I got to the first picture in the magazine. That was plenty enough for me by that point. Still, not exactly easy to aim an Uncontrollable “6-day-wait” shot into a freakin’ cup. 

so now you know how the miracle of life happens in a lab.

you’re welcome.

Sorry for the t/j.


----------



## ccpowerslave

LATERILUS79 said:


> The way you roll, I honestly assumed you just kept plowing away And never stopped.
> 
> hell, I’m surprised you even sleep.


When I was in my early 20s I didn’t. When I started going out with my wife I just had a crappy twin bed in my apartment and if she slept over we were literally sleeping on top of each other and she slept naked.

So if I ever woke up at night or I elbowed her at night and she woke up it was frisky time even at 2am. Back then my refractory period was like a minute so if I popped early I’d grab a new condom and by then ready to go. It was like that song “All Night Long”.

Now I’m on the St John’s Wort because I can’t afford to pop early.


----------



## ccpowerslave

LATERILUS79 said:


> At a bare minimum, the mechanical release needs to be daily.


I used to be like that but I stopped. I notice I have stronger orgasms now. I think it’s a reasonable trade but I can tell you the Mrs. sometimes doesn’t appreciate the extra amount.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> Why don’t you see him more often? That sucks, Trini. You cut out the cancerous ex-husband. You are living your best life with a man you love. I would think you’d be knocking down his door on a daily basis. When something is good, I’m going to maximize my time with it and get every last ounce of enjoyment out of it. Just my opinion.
> 
> so what does he consider “a very long time” to go without sex? I’m curious because my libido hasn’t dropped since I discovered I had one in my teens. At a bare minimum, the mechanical release needs to be daily.
> 
> His long wait for sex reminded me of something. It is no secret here that my wife and I needed IVF to have kids. For someone like me, there’s a part of this process that sucks. Like sucks REALLY bad.
> 
> the man has to go 6 days with no sex and no mechanical releases. 6 days. I feel like a good portion of the male population can handle this. I became exceptionally grumpy. It’s like trying to hold in pee for 6 days.
> 
> thankfully, my desperate need to “get the lead out” overcame the painfully awkward and embarrassing procedure of having to get myself off at the doctor’s office.
> 
> my wife REFUSED to help even though the doc was all like, “yeah, you can help! Just no mouth and vagina. Can’t taint the sample.” Yeah, can’t say things candidly like that to an introverted woman at the doc’s office. I then asked her if I could load up some nice pictures of her on my phone or something. Nope. That ain’t gonna happen either.
> 
> ok, so I gotta go in empty handed (figuratively, of course). Room looked like any other sterile, doc office room. Definitely not the type of room that turns you on. Oh, I guess except for the stack of porn mags. Nice of them to do that. I did notice the subscription label on the front of the Mags. 😂.
> Anywho, like I said, it was like holding in a pee for 6 days. I think I got to the first picture in the magazine. That was plenty enough for me by that point. Still, not exactly easy to aim an Uncontrollable “6-day-wait” shot into a freakin’ cup.
> 
> so now you know how the miracle of life happens in a lab.
> 
> you’re welcome.
> 
> Sorry for the t/j.


We live about an hour from each other, he works full-time, I'm in grad school full-time atm. Until recently, he also had his son every other weekend, so we've actually been spending more time together. Honestly, I can't manage more at the moment, I'm at my limit until I'm done. 

He hadn't had a gf in over a year when we met, and he wasn't interested in casual sex. He's good with 2-3 times a week, he's actually pushing himself with me. He's not used to having as much sex and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable because that's not all-important to me. 

I prefer quality over quantity. He's very affectionate and attentive, plus the combination of things I wanted in a lover is not exactly mainstream, and I have that with him. I rarely meet people I genuinely like and respect, so I thought it would be a long time before I met someone I really liked.

I'm of the opinion that you can never have everything 100% the way you want it, it's not realistic. So rather than be disappointed, I choose to prioritize what matters most to me and be content.


----------



## LATERILUS79

TXTrini said:


> I'm of the opinion that you can never have everything 100% the way you want it, it's not realistic. So rather than be disappointed, I choose to prioritize what matters most to me and be content.


contentment. A feeling often overlooked that deserves more love. Being content is a good feeling. It brings peace.

that is awesome, Trini. I look forward to you finishing up your school work and possibly getting some more time with him. 🙂

As for me, I’m typing away on my phone in the car. On our way to visit family on the other side of the state. Wife was in quite the giving mood and decided to drive. I think she is gunning for the coveted “wife of the year” award.

she motioned over to me to come to the drivers side window after one of our last pit stops. I was informed that she would like a servicing right when we get to my parents’ house. Yeah, that can be arranged. I’m sure the kids will want to wear out grandma and grandpa while we bring our gear to the room to unpack. Seriously, it’s like I’m talking to my 22 year old girlfriend. She NEVER wanted to have any relations when we go out of town, let alone at my or her parents house. Not in 20 years.

I am very curious to read @Twodecades report when she is finished. It does seem to be that 40 is some sort of magical age.

I am quite happy to be living in the “now”.


----------



## TXTrini

LATERILUS79 said:


> contentment. A feeling often overlooked that deserves more love. Being content is a good feeling. It brings peace.
> 
> that is awesome, Trini. I look forward to you finishing up your school work and possibly getting some more time with him. 🙂
> 
> As for me, I’m typing away on my phone in the car. On our way to visit family on the other side of the state. Wife was in quite the giving mood and decided to drive. I think she is gunning for the coveted “wife of the year” award.
> 
> she motioned over to me to come to the drivers side window after one of our last pit stops. I was informed that she would like a servicing right when we get to my parents’ house. Yeah, that can be arranged. I’m sure the kids will want to wear out grandma and grandpa while we bring our gear to the room to unpack. Seriously, it’s like I’m talking to my 22 year old girlfriend. She NEVER wanted to have any relations when we go out of town, let alone at my or her parents house. Not in 20 years.
> 
> I am very curious to read @Twodecades report when she is finished. It does seem to be that 40 is some sort of magical age.
> 
> I am quite happy to be living in the “now”.


Yes, contentment definitely brings peace, peace is something I've prioritized. 

My grandmother was one of the most contented, peaceful people I knew, she taught me that no matter what happens in your life, you can choose to be happy if you really want to be. That idea was reinforced by my therapist who helped me to rebuild myself after DD, he encouraged me to be authentic and live in the moment. 

This is the reason I posted what I did on @ccpowerslave's thread, because the danger of never being satisfied is to never know true happiness, peace or gratitude, and that can make you lose everything you hold dear before you realize it.

Wow, your relationship sounds wonderful! I wish I could have had that in my marriage, I'm quite envious!. I'm hoping to have something good with this relationship.

@ Twodecades 
When will your paper be done?


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> This is the reason I posted what I did on @ccpowerslave's thread, because the danger of never being satisfied is to never know true happiness, peace or gratitude, and that can make you lose everything you hold dear before you realize it.


I’m a slow learner.

I need to get what I aim for and then I decide if it was worth it or not. Most things it’s not worth it but I need to experience it and then make the call. A character flaw perhaps? One consequence is that I don’t really wonder about things or experiences because if I am interested I do them eventually.

It is closing in on a year since I had the talk with my wife. I was actually thinking about it today while I was failing at pull ups and parallel bar. Each time I dropped off I would walk around waiting to recover and I was thinking about how far we came and if she is even consciously aware of it.

She jumped on top of me yesterday and banged the snot out of me and then left me there and got up and went to work.

A year ago, inconceivable.

So yeah I am pretty damn happy. To me it is a long plan I am still executing and applying mental and physical energy against almost every day. To her? No clue. I think she just does whatever she does and I’m not sure how much she thinks about it but maybe I will ask her.


----------



## TXTrini

ccpowerslave said:


> I’m a slow learner.
> 
> I need to get what I aim for and then I decide if it was worth it or not. Most things it’s not worth it but I need to experience it and then make the call. A character flaw perhaps? One consequence is that I don’t really wonder about things or experiences because if I am interested I do them eventually.
> 
> It is closing in on a year since I had the talk with my wife. I was actually thinking about it today while I was failing at pull ups and parallel bar. Each time I dropped off I would walk around waiting to recover and I was thinking about how far we came and if she is even consciously aware of it.
> 
> She jumped on top of me yesterday and banged the snot out of me and then left me there and got up and went to work.
> 
> A year ago, inconceivable.
> 
> So yeah I am pretty damn happy. To me it is a long plan I am still executing and applying mental and physical energy against almost every day. To her? No clue. I think she just does whatever she does and I’m not sure how much she thinks about it but maybe I will ask her.


Most people don't think about things, much less learn anything. Talking sounds like a great plan, you two might even learn new things about each other or at least understand each other's perspective better. You two seem to have such a good thing going, I'd hate to see it ruined. It gives the rest of us poor saps who failed spectacularly at marriage (insert reason) something to hold onto as we try to do better.


----------



## ccpowerslave

TXTrini said:


> Most people don't think about things, much less learn anything. Talking sounds like a great plan, you two might even learn new things about each other or at least understand each other's perspective better. You two seem to have such a good thing going, I'd hate to see it ruined. It gives the rest of us poor saps who failed spectacularly at marriage (insert reason) something to hold onto as we try to do better.


It’s pretty good!

I made her a tea in the afternoon and brought it to her office in the house which is in our gym. I brought it down there a couple hours ago and she was like, “Oh thank you for my tea.” I put 5 ice cubes in it because without that she can’t drink it for a while.

I looked at the bench press setup and went and did a few and then went to leave and she was like “come here” and wanted a big kiss. Even though she is working insane hours she seems to be very happy. Seeing her happy makes me happy.

I can tell from giving her the dinner options for tonight she wants pasta. I was trying to sell salmon and shrimp but she had a spark when she heard pasta. Without saying anything I already know she would prefer that and so we’re having that for dinner.

It’s nice.


----------



## Twodecades

TXTrini said:


> @ Twodecades
> When will your paper be done?


Finished it in July. I don't know how enlightening you'll find the info, but I'll share the gist of what I learned. My background is in education, not medicine or psych, and I am fairly new to the study of psych. My access to medical databases was limited (to ones like Medline), and I actually found social science databases (such as Gender Studies) to have more relevant content in various journals of sexuality and sexual behavior. Really extensive research was outside of the scope of the assignment and my time allotment, but here is what I found regarding the general topic from which I started this thread:

1) There seems to be a normative assumption in the health fields that a woman's sexuality declines consistently over the course of her life and that it should be accepted. This is in contrast with the commonly recited cliche (or urban myth?) that a woman peaks sexually at age 40. Most scientific sources seem to place a female's sexual peak at 18-25 (avg.).

2) There seems to be conflicting data about how hormones effect a woman's sexual desire. Most OBGYNs seem skeptical. Some researchers claim testosterone, for example, has little effect on female arousal; others hypothesize that a decline in estrogen creates a higher ratio of testosterone, allowing for a changing hormone balance that causes an increase in female desire. In addition, studies of testosterone therapy for sexual dysfunction in women show an increase in sexual arousal and clitoral response.

Studies have long shown a correlation between ovulation and sexual desire in women. (I know this has been true for me. In addition, over the past 5-7 years, I also have a jump in desire the day before day one of my period. I can almost predict when it will start based on that.) I have read and heard anecdotally enough about birth control pills and antidepressants affecting both desire and an ability to get aroused or even orgasm to believe there is no hormonal effect.

This leads me to suspect that there is some connection between female sexual desire/ arousal and hormone levels. Maybe not the sole cause of fluctuating desire, but hormone levels fluctuate throughout a woman's childbearing and peri-menopausal years, and so it seems, does desire.

3) From what I understand, woman have both subjective and genital sexual arousal. Subjective arousal in more cognitively-based and is partially related to the fact that our genitalia is more internal and not as easy for us to measure as, for instance, an erect penis. It may also help explain why it takes longer for us to reach orgasm on average than men and why women are more likely than men to possess responsive desire (last part is my hypothesis). Studies showed--via probes and infrared cameras-- that it's possible for women to be aroused before they actually realize or report that they are.

Men tend to not experience much subjective arousal. Which I interpreted to mean that their arousal was more stimulus-based or instinctual and less related to emotions. Though if they are under a lot of stress, performance anxiety can short-circuit their normal genital arousal response and create a gap where subjective arousal becomes a factor (or one significant enough to measure) and even a negative biofeedback cycle. I'm not the best at explaining this part, honestly. I barely understood it.

4) This subjective arousal response that is more common and/or significant in women may explain why women in their later 30's or 40's experience a surge (or resurgence) in sexual interest. I love kids, I believe they are blessings, but I'll be honest...they are little **** blockers. Even teens can be if they are having adult-sized problems and you and your spouse find yourself wracking your brains on how to handle them, or even at odds as to the best path to do so.

Many women approaching or experiencing middle age are done with the baby stage--the exhaustion, lack of sleep, physical demands of carrying, feeding, dressing small children. The physical needs of a young child or children. They are done with pregnancy and breastfeeding and may find themselves focusing on their own health and body image for the first time in years. They may have gained more confidence and wisdom about their bodies by that age and are able to let go of insecurities and some past resentments. They appreciate their physical assets more. I conclude there is a psychological aspect to why some women may find themselves much more interested in sex. Particularly when they have distance from stressors, whether internal or circumstantial.

5) Math is not my strong suit. But even I noticed that some studies that are published seem mathematically shakey. One study concluded that women experience a surge in sexuality around age 30, and it was based solely upon a group of women in their 20s-40s who were adult students on their campus. I don't think that necessarily represents the general population very well. Another study was based on a very small cohort of 22 women. That seems extremely small to me, certainly for some of the conclusions the researchers made. Correlation does not equal causation, and unintentionally having more than one variable involved is too high of a possiblity in some. Bottom line: good, double-blinds studies are hard to come by, so I am skeptical about some of the many studies and journals I came across.

------
As far as myself, I would say (based on desire only, not sexual activity) that I was HD in my teens and early 20s, until my first pregnancy, which also happened to coincide with some dysfunctional marriage dynamics that caused me to be LD. Probably similar in frequency to what LATERILUS79's wife was. We had ups and downs, but when I reached around age 37, we hashed out some pretty big issues and resentments. I no longer had babies hanging off of me. I started to think more about what I wanted and what made me attractive. I feel like I also had some hormonal shift I don't understand, and my menstrual cycles even changed. I was interested in sex. I ogled my husband and started getting muy handsy. Like most of the time instead of once in a while. Then about a year or two ago, my husband began loosing weight for his health. I'd been worried about him but didn't nag (he made it clear that did NOT help). About 50 lbs. He's a tall guy, but it was enough to affect him. I still wanted him without the weight loss, but seeing abs again...let's just say, it revved me up even more.  It also made him higher D, but since my HD climbed even higher, I am still higher D than him (!)

But our intimacy is probably the highest it's ever been. And he says he feels very loved and cared for now, which I sadly never really understood when he tried to tell me before. Partly because of resentments between us, partly due to being physically incapable of arousal at times, partly because I'm a woman, and partly because at times I was selfish and too angry to see things from his perspective. I will admit that.

Don't know if that helps or not, but it's all I got. Nothing earth-shattering.


----------



## ccpowerslave

Twodecades said:


> I also have a jump in desire the day before day one of my period. I can almost predict when it will start based on it.


When my wife was on hormonal birth control I looked forward to that day. We weren’t having a lot of sex anyway so her actually being horny and seeking it out stuck out like a sore thumb to me and I even now can remember days from say 10 years ago in this house where she initiated the day before her period.


----------



## Twodecades

ccpowerslave said:


> When my wife was on hormonal birth control I looked forward to that day. We weren’t having a lot of sex anyway so her actually being horny and seeking it out stuck out like a sore thumb to me and I even now can remember days from say 10 years ago in this house where she initiated the day before her period.


That's very interesting. I'd never heard anyone else say that, though I did read an anecdotal story on a blog (which you cannot use as a source for academic papers, so I didn't pay a lot of attention). I am not on bc, and it's interesting that bc caused it in her. Hormones are crazy little critters. 🤪


----------



## Bluntguy

My 2 cents from a guys perspective, first wife we loved each other but lost all connection, not much of a sexual drive at all. Second wife, I look at her she looks at me and we both just know, anytime and anyplace no words said…we both know. Both same age age mid 40’s.


----------



## TXTrini

Twodecades said:


> Finished it in July. I don't know how enlightening you'll find the info, but I'll share the gist of what I learned. My background is in education, not medicine or psych, and I am fairly new to the study of psych. My access to medical databases was limited (to ones like Medline), and I actually found social science databases (such as Gender Studies) to have more relevant content in various journals of sexuality and sexual behavior. Really extensive research was outside of the scope of the assignment and my time allotment, but here is what I found regarding the general topic from which I started this thread:
> 
> 1) There seems to be a normative assumption in the health fields that a woman's sexuality declines consistently over the course of her life and that it should be accepted. This is in contrast with the commonly recited cliche (or urban myth?) that a woman peaks sexually at age 40. Most scientific sources seem to place a female's sexual peak at 18-25 (avg.).
> 
> 2) There seems to be conflicting data about how hormones effect a woman's sexual desire. Most OBGYNs seem skeptical. Some researchers claim testosterone, for example, has little effect on female arousal; others hypothesize that a decline in estrogen creates a higher ratio of testosterone, allowing for a changing hormone balance that causes an increase in female desire. In addition, studies of testosterone therapy for sexual dysfunction in women show an increase in sexual arousal and clitoral response.
> 
> Studies have long shown a correlation between ovulation and sexual desire in women. (I know this has been true for me. In addition, over the past 5-7 years, I also have a jump in desire the day before day one of my period. I can almost predict when it will start based on that.) I have read and heard anecdotally enough about birth control pills and antidepressants affecting both desire and an ability to get aroused or even orgasm to believe there is no hormonal effect.
> 
> This leads me to suspect that there is some connection between female sexual desire/ arousal and hormone levels. Maybe not the sole cause of fluctuating desire, but hormone levels fluctuate throughout a woman's childbearing and peri-menopausal years, and so it seems, does desire.
> 
> 3) From what I understand, woman have both subjective and genital sexual arousal. Subjective arousal in more cognitively-based and is partially related to the fact that our genitalia is more internal and not as easy for us to measure as, for instance, an erect penis. It may also help explain why it takes longer for us to reach orgasm on average than men and why women are more likely than men to possess responsive desire (last part is my hypothesis). Studies showed--via probes and infrared cameras-- that it's possible for women to be aroused before they actually realize or report that they are.
> 
> Men tend to not experience much subjective arousal. Which I interpreted to mean that their arousal was more stimulus-based or instinctual and less related to emotions. Though if they are under a lot of stress, performance anxiety can short-circuit their normal genital arousal response and create a gap where subjective arousal becomes a factor (or one significant enough to measure) and even a negative biofeedback cycle. I'm not the best at explaining this part, honestly. I barely understood it.
> 
> 4) This subjective arousal response that is more common and/or significant in women may explain why women in their later 30's or 40's experience a surge (or resurgence) in sexual interest. I love kids, I believe they are blessings, but I'll be honest...they are little **** blockers. Even teens can be if they are having adult-sized problems and you and your spouse find yourself wracking your brains on how to handle them, or even at odds as to the best path to do so.
> 
> Many women approaching or experiencing middle age are done with the baby stage--the exhaustion, lack of sleep, physical demands of carrying, feeding, dressing small children. The physical needs of a young child or children. They are done with pregnancy and breastfeeding and may find themselves focusing on their own health and body image for the first time in years. They may have gained more confidence and wisdom about their bodies by that age and are able to let go of insecurities and some past resentments. They appreciate their physical assets more. I conclude there is a psychological aspect to why some women may find themselves much more interested in sex. Particularly when they have distance from stressors, whether internal or circumstantial.
> 
> 5) Math is not my strong suit. But even I noticed that some studies that are published seem mathematically shakey. One study concluded that women experience a surge in sexuality around age 30, and it was based solely upon a group of women in their 20s-40s who were adult students on their campus. I don't think that necessarily represents the general population very well. Another study was based on a very small cohort of 22 women. That seems extremely small to me, certainly for some of the conclusions the researchers made. Correlation does not equal causation, and unintentionally having more than one variable involved is too high of a possiblity in some. Bottom line: good, double-blinds studies are hard to come by, so I am skeptical about some of the many studies and journals I came across.
> 
> ------
> As far as myself, I would say (based on desire only, not sexual activity) that I was HD in my teens and early 20s, until my first pregnancy, which also happened to coincide with some dysfunctional marriage dynamics that caused me to be LD. Probably similar in frequency to what LATERILUS79's wife was. We had ups and downs, but when I reached around age 37, we hashed out some pretty big issues and resentments. I no longer had babies hanging off of me. I started to think more about what I wanted and what made me attractive. I feel like I also had some hormonal shift I don't understand, and my menstrual cycles even changed. I was interested in sex. I ogled my husband and started getting muy handsy. Like most of the time instead of once in a while. Then about a year or two ago, my husband began loosing weight for his health. I'd been worried about him but didn't nag (he made it clear that did NOT help). About 50 lbs. He's a tall guy, but it was enough to affect him. I still wanted him without the weight loss, but seeing abs again...let's just say, it revved me up even more.  It also made him higher D, but since my HD climbed even higher, I am still higher D than him (!)
> 
> But our intimacy is probably the highest it's ever been. And he says he feels very loved and cared for now, which I sadly never really understood when he tried to tell me before. Partly because of resentments between us, partly due to being physically incapable of arousal at times, partly because I'm a woman, and partly because at times I was selfish and too angry to see things from his perspective. I will admit that.
> 
> Don't know if that helps or not, but it's all I got. Nothing earth-shattering.


Thank you so much for sharing this! I completely agree that the study group was way too small to be anything but anecdotal. 

I was always HD as a teenager until I started hormonal birth control. I used depo provera out of fright (I was terrified of forgetting a pill) and it killed it for a while. It took a while to get back there, but I did notice surges right before my period.

Now my sexual history is spotty, b/c I was in a sexless marriage for over a decade, but my drive surged after my hysterectomy at 40. It's fairly stable now, not crazy.


----------



## LATERILUS79

Twodecades said:


> Finished it in July. I don't know how enlightening you'll find the info, but I'll share the gist of what I learned. My background is in education, not medicine or psych, and I am fairly new to the study of psych. My access to medical databases was limited (to ones like Medline), and I actually found social science databases (such as Gender Studies) to have more relevant content in various journals of sexuality and sexual behavior. Really extensive research was outside of the scope of the assignment and my time allotment, but here is what I found regarding the general topic from which I started this thread:


WOW. Well that was f*cking awesome. Seriously, Twodecades. WELL DONE! Very informative and fun to read!

Secondly, you got useful information from Gender studies? For real? Gender studies? Well, there goes my favorite joke.

What are you studying in college?

Gender studies.

Gender studies, eh? Cool. Have you heard they are building a new gender studies factory down the road and are looking for new college grads? What? You didn't hear about that? Yeah, me neither.



Twodecades said:


> 2) There seems to be conflicting data about how hormones effect a woman's sexual desire. Most OBGYNs seem skeptical. Some researchers claim testosterone, for example, has little effect on female arousal; others hypothesize that a decline in estrogen creates a higher ratio of testosterone, allowing for a changing hormone balance that causes an increase in female desire. In addition, studies of testosterone therapy for sexual dysfunction in women show an increase in sexual arousal and clitoral response.


It would really be interesting to see more clinical research into this. There's just too much anecdotal evidence to not have some sort of large sample size study. It would be sooooo helpful to couples. Women could then look at that as something to get tested right away like men do with testosterone levels.



Twodecades said:


> Studies have long shown a correlation between ovulation and sexual desire in women. (I know this has been true for me. In addition, over the past 5-7 years, I also have a jump in desire the day before day one of my period. I can almost predict when it will start based on that.) I have read and heard anecdotally enough about birth control pills and antidepressants affecting both desire and an ability to get aroused or even orgasm to believe there is no hormonal effect.


Always assumed this is just straight biology. The goal is to reproduce so...... Yeah. Makes sense most sexual desire happens at that time.

My wife struggles with anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds. She doesn't lose her desire, but she has trouble getting herself to orgasm. Problem is that she ends up getting frustrated and anxious if she cannot orgasm while on the meds..... lol. So it completely defeats the purpose.



Twodecades said:


> 3) From what I understand, woman have both subjective and genital sexual arousal. Subjective arousal in more cognitively-based and is partially related to the fact that our genitalia is more internal and not as easy for us to measure as, for instance, an erect penis. It may also help explain why it takes longer for us to reach orgasm on average than men and why women are more likely than men to possess responsive desire (last part is my hypothesis). Studies showed--via probes and infrared cameras-- that it's possible for women to be aroused before they actually realize or report that they are.


I'm not fully understanding the subjective arousal. Is this all the other factors outside of chemicals? Like what the man does to produce arrousal in a woman? Cliche wine and dine sorta stuff? Also having a drop off of outside stress factors? I'm having difficulty following, but I must say, I do enjoy the fact that we have two different threads on back to back days talking about the use of probes to measure a woman's level of arrousal/orgasm. 😆


Twodecades said:


> 4) This subjective arousal response that is more common and/or significant in women may explain why women in their later 30's or 40's experience a surge (or resurgence) in sexual interest. I love kids, I believe they are blessings, but I'll be honest...they are little **** blockers. Even teens can be if they are having adult-sized problems and you and your spouse find yourself wracking your brains on how to handle them, or even at odds as to the best path to do so.


Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is more funny to me than to see my wife go into "mom-mode" while she is in the ever-so-compromising position on all fours yelling at our closed door, "What do you need? I'm busy!!!!". It turns me into an immature teenager. Heh, heh. You said you were busy. Yeah you are.  I just stop moving so "mom" can do her business and shoo away the children so that she can return to wife business.

2 years ago my brother got us these sweet oven mits. It has one of those classic 1950's looking moms on them. You know those drawings. She's got a big smile and is serving lunch to two kids. The caption reads, "I love my asshole kids". Truer words have never been spoken. I do, I really do love those little assholes. Well, I guess we weren't exactly ready for the moment that our kids would be able to read everything - like, any word outside of reading lessons at school. I mean, it was bound to happen, I guess I just didn't know what day that would be. My wife was out of town on business and I saw my son and daughter talking to each other in the kitchen. They looked pretty serious and upset. Finally, the girl says to her brother, "That's it. I'm going to ask daddy."

Me: What's the matter little girl?

My little girl: Daddy, are me and (brother's name) assholes?

Me: WHAT?

My little girl: Well, it says here that you and mommy love your asshole kids.

Me: Oh!!!!!! Yes, little girl. It is true. We absolutely love you asshole kids. Now get your ass up to bed. It's late.




Twodecades said:


> Many women approaching or experiencing middle age are done with the baby stage--the exhaustion, lack of sleep, physical demands of carrying, feeding, dressing small children. The physical needs of a young child or children. They are done with pregnancy and breastfeeding and may find themselves focusing on their own health and body image for the first time in years. They may have gained more confidence and wisdom about their bodies by that age and are able to let go of insecurities and some past resentments. They appreciate their physical assets more. I conclude there is a psychological aspect to why some women may find themselves much more interested in sex. Particularly when they have distance from stressors, whether internal or circumstantial.


What do you mean when you say, "They appreciate their physical assets more." I'm not following that at all.



Twodecades said:


> 5) Math is not my strong suit. But even I noticed that some studies that are published seem mathematically shakey. One study concluded that women experience a surge in sexuality around age 30, and it was based solely upon a group of women in their 20s-40s who were adult students on their campus. I don't think that necessarily represents the general population very well. Another study was based on a very small cohort of 22 women. That seems extremely small to me, certainly for some of the conclusions the researchers made. Correlation does not equal causation, and unintentionally having more than one variable involved is too high of a possiblity in some. Bottom line: good, double-blinds studies are hard to come by, so I am skeptical about some of the many studies and journals I came across.


Wait, 22 whole women?

FFS. I swear, scientific journals will publish anything these days.
------



Twodecades said:


> As far as myself, I would say (based on desire only, not sexual activity) that I was HD in my teens and early 20s, until my first pregnancy, which also happened to coincide with some dysfunctional marriage dynamics that caused me to be LD. Probably similar in frequency to what LATERILUS79's wife was. We had ups and downs, but when I reached around age 37, we hashed out some pretty big issues and resentments. I no longer had babies hanging off of me. I started to think more about what I wanted and what made me attractive. I feel like I also had some hormonal shift I don't understand, and my menstrual cycles even changed. I was interested in sex. I ogled my husband and started getting muy handsy. Like most of the time instead of once in a while. Then about a year or two ago, my husband began loosing weight for his health. I'd been worried about him but didn't nag (he made it clear that did NOT help). About 50 lbs. He's a tall guy, but it was enough to affect him. I still wanted him without the weight loss, but seeing abs again...let's just say, it revved me up even more.  It also made him higher D, but since my HD climbed even higher, I am still higher D than him (!)


I am at this stage. I wanna drop a good 40lbs. Been about 9 days into my diet plan and I am ultra pissed off. I can work out every day. No issues there. Eating is soooooo damn difficult. I want it for my health and there's plenty of things left I want to do on my bike that will be a lot easier if I can remove some excess weight. I'm also hoping that if I get good results, it will motivate my wife as well. She is still beautiful, radiant and sexy. God, do I ever love her and lust after her.... but it'd be pretty sweet if she got back to fighting weight. I'll never say anything. She's so beautiful to me. I'm hoping to just lead by example. I got ultra pumped up when my wife was pregnant with our twins. Lost a ton of weight. Wanted to be in great shape for my kids since I was already starting out as an older dad. Blew out both of my knees in 2016 and struggled to get back down. Ever since the re-newed sex life, I've gotten my motivation back to get back to my good, athletic weight. It will obviously help with sex as well. Not gonna lie, it was hilarious and embarrassing at the same time when we were on vacation in colorado a couple of months back. We had sex every day, but we kept a canister of O2 next to the bed and take a few pulls every minute or so. To be fair, we are flatlanders and neither of us enjoy breathing at high elevation. Still though....



Twodecades said:


> But our intimacy is probably the highest it's ever been. And he says he feels very loved and cared for now, which I sadly never really understood when he tried to tell me before. Partly because of resentments between us, partly due to being physically incapable of arousal at times, partly because I'm a woman, and partly because at times I was selfish and too angry to see things from his perspective. I will admit that.
> 
> Don't know if that helps or not, but it's all I got. Nothing earth-shattering.


Love this. Really got me right in the feels. TwoDecades, you aren't the first woman, nor will you be the last, that says, "I sadly never really understood when he tried to tell me before.". I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. It could have easily been my wife saying the exact same words. I could hear her voice in my head when reading your words. I was dying inside every day during my 16 year drought. So many times I considered divorce. I loved my wife so much and I just never felt like I was loved. I wondered what the hell I was doing every day and she never had a damn clue. Didn't matter how much I told her. We recently did the 5 love language thing and had a good time discussing. I think she is finally starting to get it. I think she is getting to a point where she still shows me desire when having sex even during the times that she doesn't necessarily want to do it. Meaning, she wants and desires to show me how much she loves me (if that makes any sense). She obviously loves having sex these days too, but sometimes she will do it and still show me desire even if she doesn't want to do it. She's not forcing herself to have sex with me, its more of her wanting to see me happy and feel loved. Her top love language is acts of service. I had gotten myself to a point where I hated doing those kinds of things. Now? I take time every day to seek things out to do. She is ALWAYS on my mind now. I pay attention to her work schedule. I want to know which days will stress her out. I want to make those days go as smoothly as possible for her. As you know, we are both introverts. She obviously will want a lot of alone time like I do. I find myself always looking to go do things with the kids. Take them out of the house for 4-5 hours so she can have the house to herself and live in peace for a bit. I do many things with a smile on face just thinking about how happy or relieved she will be when she sees it later. I don't want to tell her. I just want to move obstacles out of her way. I want her to find these on her own so she gets that nice happy feeling from the surprise. I do it because I love her and I want to see her happy.

What's funny is that I can tell which days she doesn't necessarily want to have sex but does it because I'm happier. She double teams me with my 2nd love language: Words of affirmation. I don't exactly talk to many people in real life. Those that I do talk to are typically people I hold in high regard. I couldn't care less about praise or validation from the vast majority of the population. Hell, I think 95% of the population is woefully unintelligent anyway. But to receive praise or validation from someone I care about? Whooooo boy. That'll make my day.

If my wife wants sex to end quickly, she knows all she needs to do is start shooting some praise my way.😆 It's ridiculous. During the pandemic times when we were both working from home, she could say something as simple as, "I heard you in the other room. The way you handled yourself during that meeting? That was sooooo sexy..." If my wife says something like that to me during sex? yeah.... it'll be 1, 2, 3 aaaaaaaaaand I'm done. 😖


----------



## Twodecades

TXTrini said:


> Now my sexual history is spotty, b/c I was in a sexless marriage for over a decade, but my drive surged after my hysterectomy at 40. It's fairly stable now, not crazy.


I remember your sharing how you had a real creep of an ex. I love the fact that while our sexuality changes in different decades of life, it doesn't disappear as I had sort of assumed and been led to believe when I was younger. I'm finding mine to be better quality, actually, than any time in my life. I'm glad you see that you have a whole life left to enjoy that loser XH did not ruin. 🙂



LATERILUS79 said:


> WELL DONE! Very informative and fun to read!
> 
> Secondly, you got useful information from Gender studies? For real? Gender studies?


Thank you for the kind words. It really wasn't the best research job, though, as I didn't have the time to wade through the search results as thoroughly as I wanted to. I was kinda surprised that Gender Studies databases had the most relevant articles (it had some pretty esoteric articles, too). I would like to have had access to some better medical journals, though I may have struggled to understand them as well. Who knows. 



LATERILUS79 said:


> I'm not fully understanding the subjective arousal. Is this all the other factors outside of chemicals? Like what the man does to produce arrousal in a woman? Cliche wine and dine sorta stuff? Also having a drop off of outside stress factors?


I think the process of how women are subjectively aroused is very individualistic. Complicated. But think cognitive, not physical responses that happen without conscious though. Our brains seem more wired to interfere with arousal but also have a great capacity to enhance it. Here are some links: 









Understanding sexual arousal and subjective-genital arousal desynchrony in women - PubMed


Sexual arousal in women comprises two components: genital arousal and subjective arousal. Genital arousal is characterized by genital vasocongestion and other physiological changes that occur in response to sexual stimuli, whereas subjective arousal refers to mental engagement during sexual...




pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov





Google Image Result for https://media.springernature.com/m685/springer-static/image/art%3A10.1038%2Fs41585-018-0142-6/MediaObjects/41585_2018_142_Fig1_HTML.png 

Drop off of outside stress factors could include no longer having the demands of small children, better established in career vs. the demands that come with clawing one's way up (though the opposite of that could also be true, and caring for aging parents can become a new factor). Internally, with life experience may come more mature coping mechanisms, less guilt for turning down outside commitments, and confidence about her body. She may realize that she really does have a nice derriere and stop comparing it to ridiculous Hollywood models (men in general make it harder for women by worshipping ridiculous standards), she may finally believe her husband when he says he loves her breasts and thinks she's sexy. She may feel sexy without outside validation. That confidence would probably be attractive to her spouse and cause a positive cycle of interaction. 



LATERILUS79 said:


> What do you mean when you say, "They appreciate their physical assets more." I'm not following that at all


Please see above explanation. Also, they may see a pic of themselves and realize, "Dang, I have beautiful eyes," or whatever thing they realized they should have appreciated for years but were too busy comparing themselves to others or criticizing their bodies. 



LATERILUS79 said:


> Love this. Really got me right in the feels. TwoDecades, you aren't the first woman, nor will you be the last, that says, "I sadly never really understood when he tried to tell me before.". I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. It could have easily been my wife saying the exact same words. I could hear her voice in my head when reading your words. I was dying inside every day during my 16 year drought. So many times I considered divorce. I loved my wife so much and I just never felt like I was loved. I wondered what the hell I was doing every day and she never had a damn clue. Didn't matter how much I told her. We recently did the 5 love language thing and had a good time discussing. I think she is finally starting to get it. I think she is getting to a point where she still shows me desire when having sex even during the times that she doesn't necessarily want to do it. Meaning, she wants and desires to show me how much she loves me (if that makes any sense). She obviously loves having sex these days too, but sometimes she will do it and still show me desire even if she doesn't want to do it. She's not forcing herself to have sex with me, its more of her wanting to see me happy and feel loved. Her top love language is acts of service. I had gotten myself to a point where I hated doing those kinds of things. Now? I take time every day to seek things out to do. She is ALWAYS on my mind now. I pay attention to her work schedule. I want to know which days will stress her out. I want to make those days go as smoothly as possible for her. As you know, we are both introverts. She obviously will want a lot of alone time like I do. I find myself always looking to go do things with the kids. Take them out of the house for 4-5 hours so she can have the house to herself and live in peace for a bit. I do many things with a smile on face just thinking about how happy or relieved she will be when she sees it later. I don't want to tell her. I just want to move obstacles out of her way. I want her to find these on her own so she gets that nice happy feeling from the surprise. I do it because I love her and I want to see her happy.
> 
> What's funny is that I can tell which days she doesn't necessarily want to have sex but does it because I'm happier. She double teams me with my 2nd love language: Words of affirmation. I don't exactly talk to many people in real life. Those that I do talk to are typically people I hold in high regard. I couldn't care less about praise or validation from the vast majority of the population. Hell, I think 95% of the population is woefully unintelligent anyway. But to receive praise or validation from someone I care about? Whooooo boy. That'll make my day.


That is really awesome! And I believe in the power of compromise, especially within marriage. It isn't magic if you're married to someone with severe issues (like a narcissist), but in cases like yours where you're likely dealing with a loving spouse, your tuning into one another's needs breeds more goodwill. The Gottman Institute has done a lot of research on this. It helps to build up a positive balance for when either of you have a bad day and mess up or life comes along with stressors and makes a big withdraw from your love bank.


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## TXTrini

Twodecades said:


> I remember your sharing how you had a real creep of an ex. I love the fact that while our sexuality changes in different decades of life, it doesn't disappear as I had sort of assumed and been led to believe when I was younger. I'm finding mine to be better quality, actually, than any time in my life. I'm glad you see that you have a whole life left to enjoy that loser XH did not ruin. 🙂


Thank you! I was happily surprised, I thought it was gone after how hard I worked to suppress it.


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## ccpowerslave

I can report I am a day older today than yesterday and my sex drive is insane atm. I was making out with my wife in the kitchen after lunch and she announced I taste like mustard (thanks Subway).


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## Twodecades

ccpowerslave said:


> I can report I am a day older today than yesterday and my sex drive is insane atm. I was making out with my wife in the kitchen after lunch and she announced I taste like mustard (thanks Subway).


That must have been some spicy mustard. 😉 "Subway: GET FRESH (with your wife)!"


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## ccpowerslave

Twodecades said:


> That must have been some spicy mustard. 😉 "Subway: GET FRESH (with your wife)!"


I can’t keep my hands off of her today. I exercised pretty hard before lunch and nope not tired enough. Since it’s Friday I might blow off work this afternoon and work out again maybe that will squash it but I doubt it.


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## LATERILUS79

ccpowerslave said:


> I can’t keep my hands off of her today. I exercised pretty hard before lunch and nope not tired enough. Since it’s Friday I might blow off work this afternoon and work out again maybe that will squash it but I doubt it.


Just finished up a ride in the woods. Still 100% humidity here. Blew through 3L of water in 1.5 hours. I’m exhausted. Still, I want the wife REALLY bad right now. I always do after my rides. Way too much extended family around at the moment and she will be exhausted tonight. It will most likely not be in the cards today.


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## ccpowerslave

LATERILUS79 said:


> Just finished up a ride in the woods. Still 100% humidity here. Blew through 3L of water in 1.5 hours. I’m exhausted. Still, I want the wife REALLY bad right now. I always do after my rides. Way too much extended family around at the moment and she will be exhausted tonight. It will most likely not be in the cards today.


Yesterday night she was so tired she was talking gibberish like she was drunk or something. I’m like uh, you’re screwed up! Go to bed! 

Fortunately I was also tired, however I woke up with morning wood at 4:30am which took like 45 minutes to go away which was great. :/

Anyway my testosterone is off the chain or something today.


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## DownByTheRiver

Twodecades said:


> I'm female and I've noticed that since entering my late 30's (I'm approx 40), my libido has ramped up. I don't know if it's due to no longer having small babies hanging on me or if it's hormonal. I could happily have sex every day, which I think my husband finds a wee bit intimidating/demanding.
> 
> I recently did research for an academic paper I'm working on about human sexuality and could find no great pool of reliable data about what is average desire of frequency for a woman by decade or for married couples (and I am NOT trying to conduct a poll). In the course of researching, I have begun to wonder if it is "normal" or common for a woman's sex drive to increase at this point in life. I know there is the cliche that a woman's sexual peak is at 40, but there is not much actual data to support that (just as there is no actual data about the "seven year itch" cliche that people believe is true).
> 
> Has anyone else experienced this? (Men are welcome to answer for their wives). Is this likely a temporary thing that will cool off once I hit menopause?


I had a big surge in my late 40s, nearly 50. I do think it's hormonal because I do not have kids! Men are supposedly at their hormonal sexual peak about 19-20, but women reach theirs in their 40s. Of course, there's a lot of variability. It really sucks to be 50 and high drive unless you are married and still into your husband! I'd think your husband would be happy about it. You should tell him, enjoy it while it lasts, because it won't last. Get it while it's hot!😀


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## LATERILUS79

DownByTheRiver said:


> I had a big surge in my late 40s, nearly 50. I do think it's hormonal because I do not have kids! Men are supposedly at their hormonal sexual peak about 19-20, but women reach theirs in their 40s. Of course, there's a lot of variability. It really sucks to be 50 and high drive unless you are married and still into your husband! I'd think your husband would be happy about it. You should tell him, enjoy it while it lasts, because it won't last. Get it while it's hot!😀


I couldn’t agree more. It’s precious. No need to waste it. I am maximizing my good times with my wife while the gettin’ is good.


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## Mrs$

I love this thread! This is precisely why I joined this site. I am on the other side of menopause and while in the throes of it had diminished sex drive now a couple years past my drive has skyrocketed! I feel most fortunate that hubby has always had a high sex drive and even after more than 20 years of marriage we have sex often multiple times a week. I am super happy that I see that there are other women out there who really enjoy sex in late years like me!


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