# omg pls help I have noone to turn to..



## dior01 (Jun 21, 2011)

I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship 7 months ago (we were engaged, he was a horrible person, cheated a million times and treated me like crap)

I met this guy about 2 months ago by fluke and things went so well..

In a nutshell: 
we met by total random accident and things felt "meant to be"
We spend every day together or if not we talk on the phone and text each other like 10 times per day..
He told all his friends and family about me
I met his dad and sister already and his mom asks about me all the time
He shows my pictures to all the guys at work to "show off"..and in fact, up until this moment, I actually even felt like I was a bit out of his league... but I'm not superficial like that because I like him a lot and he's an attractive guy (but I know he sometimes has insecurity issues because he used to be overweight..but now he has a six pack and a healthy lifestyle so I don't understand why he hangs on to how he used to be years and years ago)
We made it official about 3 weeks ago and even changed our facebook statuses to "in a relationship with ..."
I've opened myself up to this guy for the first time since my ex and although it was hard to let my guard down I finally did and it felt great.. I'm falling and I'm falling hard..

Now the problem:

About a week ago I started feeling very strange.. my gut kept telling me something and I felt like the floor was sinking underneath me..all of a sudden I felt like I couldn't trust him.. I sent him some cute photos of myself via email (which he requested) and I got no response all night and no good morning text..I freaked out but he reassured me at lunch time that he fell asleep early and that he also slept in and got in trouble at work so he didn't want to pull his cell phone out.. (he works construction so it's kind of obvious when he goes on the phone) I knew he had been late a few times lately because he was on the phone with me till the wee hours or because we were out late so I felt bad even though this time it wasn't my fault..and I let it go. I came on here for advice and the general consensus was that I was overreacting... we spent all wknd together and had a real heart to heart and I told him I was sorry and that I have trust issues that's why I've been a little weird (like questioning him too much) and he said he understands because he knows about my difficult past..

Monday comes around and I told him I wanted to see him because I have salsa during the week etc etc and no time to see him again till the wknd.. he said he was too tired and I got a little upset..even though I saw him all wknd (except Saturday night because he works security..and obv now i don't even know if he told me the truth about that) I wanted to see him again ..and I don't even know why he was so tired because I didn't keep him up late the night before and he didn't go to the gym that day.. so I made a stupid joke, he got me back with a stupid comment, I said a rude one, he threw a rude one back..and before I knew it we were in a stupid argument and I cut it off in a rude way cuz I had to go to the gym.. I called him ten mins later to apologize and be the bigger person because it really was a bad joke gone too far.. he said no prob and that he would text me when he gets back from the gym.. I didn't hear from him all night and my gut started acting up again..but I let it go.. in the morning I still didn't hear from him but I let it go.. nothing at lunch time either.. nothing all day.. late afternoon I logged on fb and saw him online so I msged him hello ..no reply. I teted him hello.. no answer.. I called no answer. At 7pm I freaked.. I sent him a text basically telling him where to go and asking him why he's doing this again because it's shady..no reply. I called again and left a voicemail..nothing.. nightime I pleaded with him to at least tell me he's ok and left him tons of msgs..nothing.. at 4am after violently crying to the point I thought I would have a heart attack (all these bad memories from my past came back) I texted him again to tell him that this is really hurting me and he finally responded at 6am when he got up for work.. his excuse? He forgot his cell at home when he went to work and then when he got home and saw all my msgs he had dinner and showered and meant to reply but he "swears to God" he fell asleep early again.. WTF! I responded to him that the excuse was awful and that I was hurt and will give him space cuz I needed it too.. he knew I had a doctor app today however for something important so i was still expecting him to ask me how that went..but nothing ALL DAY AGAIN..I called him at 5pm no answer and texted him I had to talk to him and he came on fb to respond!!!!!!! He said his phone died and he couldnt find his charger but he was just about to call me back! I freaked out on him and he said that I was the one who said I needed space.. I told him I need to talk to him face to face cuz he's making me feel like I made a huge mistake letting him into my heart and he responded :sorry didn't mean to ignore you oi was just upset.. to which I responded: upset about what.. and again NO RESPONSE AND I HAVENT HEARD FROM HIM SINCE!!! WTF is going on??? I've cried so much this has totally destroyed me and I even called in sick for tom.. I've been in bed for 2 days crying..this hurts so bad after what I've been trhu with my ex.. I left him an email stating that if he doesn't call me tonight (his phone has been off all night) that I will assume the worst and move on with my life.. and that if he cares about me he will call..PLEASE HELP I'M GOING NUTS! This isn't some random guy.. we slept together and met each others friends and family and have been "official" for 3 weeks now!!!! what is going on pls help me! Side note: he also came from a screwed up relationship and his ex was trying to get back together with him 3 weeks ago and calling him non stop but he says he wants nothing to do with her and they've been over for 6 months and he's gonna have her number blocked.. could they be talking behind my back? what is he upset about that stupid argument from monday? is this over? his status hasnt changed on fb but he hasnt called me either.. I havent cried this hard since my ex and my heart is too weak to handle this all over again after the awful 3 years i just had.. how can he do a 180 like this pls someone help me((((((((((


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## SunnyT (Jun 22, 2011)

THIS is what dating is.... finding out what the other person is all about, and how we blend or not blend our lives. It's only been 3 weeks... either person at any time can say, "this is not what I am looking for".... for whatever reason, and sometimes for no reason at all. It sounds like you are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more into him than he is to you.


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## dior01 (Jun 21, 2011)

SunnyT said:


> THIS is what dating is.... finding out what the other person is all about, and how we blend or not blend our lives. It's only been 3 weeks... either person at any time can say, "this is not what I am looking for".... for whatever reason, and sometimes for no reason at all. It sounds like you are waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more into him than he is to you.


3 weeks since we made it "official" (as in exclusive and that was his idea) it's been 2 months since we've been dating..

And way more into him? he's been showing my picture to ALL his friends and showing off about me like I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him..even to his family! And he has told me he likes me a lot and i make him nervous and blah blah blah then he does a total 180 like this because "he was uspet" and I don't even know about what..

Seeing as he is my "boyfriend" now "officially" I expected him not to ignore me and disappear for 2 days... I thought i had a reasonable reason to be upset


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## ladybird (Jun 16, 2010)

I know how you feel. 

I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years. HE cheated on me all the time, beat the crap out of me most days.

I met my now husband 3 months after i finally broke up with him.

Funny how things happen, huh! I wanted nothing to do with men period, then my husband came along.

We were married within 8 months. I never had time to get over what my ex did to me and I brought it all to my current relationship. I thought i was over it, I wasn't.

Over the last 14 years, I have never really trusted my husband. Not fully anyway.

You are going to have to get over what your ex did to you. More then likely will take some time. It is not something that will just go away and jumping into a new relationship is not healthy.

Move slow, don't get involved to fast.

Maybe get into counseling. I wish i would have gone after i left him. But i really had no idea what kind of damage he had done to me until many years later.

You need to heal first.


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## dior01 (Jun 21, 2011)

michzz said:


> He very well could have gone incommunicado by accident, but I doubt it.
> 
> Who knows what he is doing. I know one thing, your reaction to him after three weeks of dating is over the top and may very well be why he is not communicating with you.
> 
> ...



move on? but we haven't even broken up yet... what do I do? wait for him to break up with me "officially"? and what if he doesn't? I just live in limbo like this? 

How can he do a total 180 like this after just this sunday he spent all day in bed with me.. and i cooked for him.. and he was telling me cared about me.. does noone else think this is crazy? And to leave it like this with no closure?

I need to know what I've done wrong..? I did not act like this at all at the beginning and didn't have any expectations from him until we decided to be exclusive.. although my reaction might seem crazy he knows where it's coming from and he even admitted he ignored me cuz "he was upset" so I don't understand at all what is going on...sigh Everything was perfectly normal and natural until my gut started acting up.. and I find it odd that my gut was perfectly in line with his behaviour..

What do I do now?? Just wait??


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## that_girl (Jul 6, 2011)

Facebook means nothing. I was once married to my brother. Just for fun.

Step back from this and just take things slow...if you decide to continue this at all.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

wow...sounds like a guy I have been seeing! lol (Please tell me you don't live on the WA ID border in a college town!)

I had to back off. It's hard and I am not sure I am really keeping my feelings for him down like I am trying....but like another poster said above....."He's just not that into you." That is what I realized, and I am trying to keep the relationship in check with that in mind. 

An excuse or two...chill. Over and over again is a different story.


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## dior01 (Jun 21, 2011)

so the consensus is that he;s a great actor able to fake genuine emotion and I'm just the dumb girl who doesn't get it..


what do |i do now? wait for him to "officially" break up w me..?


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## tacoma (May 1, 2011)

dior01 said:


> so the consensus is that he;s a great actor able to fake genuine emotion and I'm just the dumb girl who doesn't get it..


No actually I think it`s "You`re over reacting and pushing him away as fast as you possibly can".

This relationship is "officially" three weeks old.
If you were hitting me with what your hitting him with after three weeks I`d be avoiding you too.


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## SadSamIAm (Oct 29, 2010)

dior01 said:


> so the consensus is that he;s a great actor able to fake genuine emotion and I'm just the dumb girl who doesn't get it..
> 
> 
> what do |i do now? wait for him to "officially" break up w me..?


Yes you wait! Quit with all the ultimatums and texts and emails. Just quit. He needs to show you he cares .... or not. You are just driving him away with your neediness.


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## raising5boyz (Nov 8, 2008)

Well, you can wait and see what happens....which means accepting his behavior and/or accepting that you may have caused some of this. 

Or you can break up with him because you cannot accept what he has done. 

It is your choice....and his. I will say counseling is probably in order for yourself.....just went to my first appointment today. I know I need it! I swear I could have written parts of this post myself! lol


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## Lydia (Sep 4, 2011)

The more you freak out, the more you are scaring him off. It sounds to me like you are being too clingy, just after 3 weeks of dating. You can't expect your entire relationship with him to be in the honeymoon stage... Eventually you're going to have a routine.

You can't force him to love you or to want to be with you. It may be driving you crazy to know what he is doing at every second, but that's considered being controlling and for most people a huge turn off.

Perhaps the first night was just a sleep-in and he did accidentally forget his phone. But probably after he read his messages/listened to voicemails, you probably freaked him out and now he's pulling away from you because you seem clingy and needy.

A confident woman is a bigger turn on, and if he feels like he might lose you forever for not contacting you - then he may stay in contact more. But, he may also pull away anyways and you may go your separate ways.

I would back off. Don't text him or call him and demand to talk to him. Eventually he will have to face the music and make a decision - and you want your relationship together to be positive. Quit comparing him to your ex, that's another huge turn off. You're just pushing him further away with demands, complaints, and looking weak. Go your separate way for a few days and see if he contacts you - if he doesn't, you'll realize that every day gets a little bit easier without him. You can't force him to be with you - and even if you could, who wants to be in a relationship like that?


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

Like holy smokes just chill! I've only just read about what you've said and done and I'm feeling anxiety.
Ever see 'How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days'? It's about a reporter who's doing research on the dating faux pas on does to drive a potential mate away. This sounds like 'How To Lose A Guy In 21 Days'. In the movie she left him 23 phone messages (to annoy him), starting all bubbly and friendly asking 'Bennie Boo' to call her. As you hear the rest, she's geeting needier and more desperate.
If you're that insecure with this guy, you aren't ready to date or he's wrong guy. You can't force him into any behavior and your course of action is smothering at best and psycho at worst. You may have already blew it, but if you don't chill, you will ruin it for sure.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## dior01 (Jun 21, 2011)

guess what everyboydy.. you were all wrong and I was right.. he just texted me that the reason he has been acting strange is because he met up with his ex and they kissed and now he;s confused.. this is what he wrote verbatum: 
hey (my name) listen i know i've been acting differently and I have to be honest with you because i think you deserve it.. I've been getting prank calls from my ex and she was crying and she's been going through a lot of issues so I went to see her and we ended up kissing and since then I've been so confused and so I've been distant I need some time to think I think being in this relationship isn't healthy for me right now because I'm not a cheater and it's not like me. If you don't want to wait around or if u want nothing to do with me i get that in the meantimei need to get away from everything I'm sorry for hurting you nv thought I'd be like those other guys that had let you down...


OMG PLEASE HELP..I've left him 4 voicemails (his phone is off) begging him to pls talk to me in person! He basically effin cheated on me and doesn't even want to talk in person and wants me to wait until he works things out with her??

You guys don't know what I've been trhu.. I almost lost my life in an accident this April because I found out my fiancee got another girl pregnant (hes having a baby in march) and I crashed into a pole on the highway and almost died.. I was blessed to get a second chance and it has been a BATTLE to get back to normal.. I might have fallen for this guy to quickly but I felt it in my gut he felt it too..it was mutual until this thing happened with his ex.. all his friends and family hate her and she has put him thru so much.. if the tables were turned he would have lost complete respect for me if I took my ex back.. yet i'm still fighting for him because (and I don't care what anyone says) I know I felt a spark that I rarely feel for any guy and I know a 100000 percent he felt it too...I'vce left him voicemails bawling my eyes out.. I don't know what else to do.. I'm reaching out on this website because this feels like a knife in my chest.. I'm crying violently.. I can't handle this again... I can't.. and I don't want to loose him..

All these memories of him kissing every part of my body and us spending days in bed are coming back to me.. I don't know what to do.. I wrote him an email reminding him of all this and I said I hope he doesn't throw away something beautiful and new for something old and toxic.. what else can I do?? Pleas understand before you scrutinize me that I am not crazy I felt this overwhelming emotion for him and the feeling was returned times 100 until the past few days.. and I knew in my GUT it had to do with his ex calling him but I thought our whirlwind romance would supersede that.. if you were to be a fly on my wall the past 2 months you would understand why I feel so broken down 

please people give me some solid advice please.. I'm having a nervous break down..I'm crashing and burning


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## blissful (Nov 14, 2011)

hi, you are completely over whelmed & hysterical right now. you cant think clearly & the world seems like it its coming to an end. i know that feeling.

this is what you are going to do:
1. you are going to stop, take a deep breath in and out & try to clear your head.
2. switch off your phone, log off your email, do not check fb. this is going to be hard- you're going to want contact, any contact because somewhere inside you will believe that if you can just speak to him, he's gonna realise thae mistake he's making & he'll come back. the reality is that there is NOTHING you can do to make him change his mind. but you can change YOU and your response to the situtaion. once you stop checking your phone & email every 5 secs then you'll be able to think more clearly.
3. you are gonna run yourself a relaxing bath & just chill there for a while, until you feel calmer & more in control.
4. when that's done you're gonna get into bed & get some rest. take something to help you sleep if you have to.
5. in the morning when you get up, you'll be ready to truly LISTEN to everyone's advice. right now it's going to go over your head. 

you're going to come to the realisation that even though this relationship may have been perfect for as long as the ex is hanging around, you two would have been stuck. imagine being in this fantastic relationship for a year or two & always having the ex interfering or making you anxious. it hurts like hell now, but its probably better now, than a couple of months/ years down the line.

i've been where you are- healing starts by putting one foot in front if the other, pretty soon you're moving forward, without even having realised it. good luck


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## hunter_aussie (Nov 7, 2011)

Ok you need to stop for a minute and slow down. You are investing too much of yourself and your happiness into this man and this relationship and you are going to give yourself one too many panic attacks.
Yes he says he has done the wrong thing but for your own sake, you need to take a step back and breathe. He doesn't control how you feel. You do.
I think right now counselling would be great for you. This isn't healthy.
You are not crazy, you just need to heal yourself first. No one here can tell you what to do because no one can go and change his mind for you. The only thing YOU can do right now, is work on how YOU'RE feeling. I now you've been hurt, this man can't fix your pain. Relationships sometimes end. Maybe you need some time to come to terms with what has happened to you and heal before investing in another relationship?
I hope it works out for you, I really do. I have been through anxiety like yours, and it's crushing. Work on you, and take the focus off him. If it's meant to be, it will. If not, don't force it.


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## golfergirl (Dec 8, 2010)

My comment still stands. Leave him alone! Irregardless of everything you've been through (and I am truly sorry), imagine yourself in his shoes. You have one girl crying hysterically (the ex) and another bombarding him with voicemail. If you were him, couldn't you imagine him throwing up his hands thinking 'Arghh leave me the hell alone'? Be the more attractive choice. Be the fun, cool chick that's a breath of fresh air, not the desperate clingy mess.
That said, that"s even if you want to still be a choice. He is a cheater.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

I'm with the other posters in that I think you need to calm down. And give him his space to figure out what to do with his ex. How long did he date her? I completely understand a man swooping in and "rescuing" you from all that you've been through. But YOU need to be the one who rescue's yourself. You need to deal with all of your issues related to your past on your own. A guy can't do that for you. Easier said than done, but it sounds to me like you are basing your happiness soley on finding a man. I may be off base on that, but I used to feel like that honestly. I couldn't sit alone on a Friday night and just watch a movie by myself. I felt like I had to have someone, anyone. I don't know, I'm just throwing things out there.


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## Cherry (Sep 23, 2009)

P.S. I met my H when I decided to take a break from the whole dating scene and focus on me. It just happened one day. I became content with being alone and if someone came along and wanted to enjoy my life, so be it. I stopped going after guys because I realized I had way too many issues that needed resolved on my own. This may not be your case, but again, I'm just telling you what happened in my situation. Good luck to you.


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## Jellybeans (Mar 8, 2011)

^ That's the right attitude to have. 



dior01 said:


> guess what everyboydy.. you *were all wrong and I was right*
> 
> OMG PLEASE HELP..*I've left him 4 voicemails (his phone is off) begging him to pls talk to me in person!*
> 
> ...


Dior, you need to chill out. Your post comes across as crazy! 
Seriously, don't be "that girl." That girl who gets dumped and keep clinging. 

He broke it off. You need to accept that. This moment.

Everytime you call him bawling and wailing and trying to convince him to be with you, you are scaring him and coming across as *desperate/needy/clingy*. No man (or woman alike) finds any of those traits attractive.

No more contact with him. You guys were only 3 weeks into a relationship so ti's better to end this now and not humiliate yourself by lashing out at him for breaking it off.

Methinks you still haven't dealt with the fallout of your last relationship so you should do that. Get some IC. 

Find Mori's thread "Just Let Them GO" and read it and heed the advice.


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## Laurae1967 (May 10, 2011)

ladybird said:


> I know how you feel.
> 
> I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years. HE cheated on me all the time, beat the crap out of me most days.
> 
> ...


This is good advice.

I think your overwhelming reactions to this new guy is really a way for you to grieve and process what has happened to you in your marriage.

You need some therapy. That is very clear from reading your posts. I don't think you are in a position to make a healthy choice about a new romantic partner right now. Most people aren't after a divorce and doubly so if you were in an abusive relationship.

I doubt you will take this good advice, because it sounds like you are committed to trying to fill a void with a new boyfriend. But I really think you should get into some intensive therapy and work on your self esteem and get to know yourself before you try to date again. If not, it is very likely you will end up with another person who will not be good for you.


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## OliveAdventure (Nov 23, 2011)

Dior, I truly believe that these people aren't trying to make you seem crazy, they're trying to help. 

Do you REALLY want to be with someone who has already cheated on you? Does he even consider it cheating because of the time you've been together? 

You will do what you think is right regardless of asking the people here for help, but in the end, your gut told you something and even after you found out your gut was right you still want to be with him. 

You are hurting, because YOU are putting yourself through hell.


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## oldfashioned1 (Oct 26, 2011)

golfergirl said:


> Like holy smokes just chill! I've only just read about what you've said and done and I'm feeling anxiety.
> Ever see 'How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days'? It's about a reporter who's doing research on the dating faux pas on does to drive a potential mate away. This sounds like 'How To Lose A Guy In 21 Days'. In the movie she left him 23 phone messages (to annoy him), starting all bubbly and friendly asking 'Bennie Boo' to call her. As you hear the rest, she's geeting needier and more desperate.
> If you're that insecure with this guy, you aren't ready to date or he's wrong guy. You can't force him into any behavior and your course of action is smothering at best and psycho at worst. You may have already blew it, but if you don't chill, you will ruin it for sure.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


:iagree:

50/50 What he did sucks and your reaction is making it worse. Typically around this time in a relationship is when men start to get weird. It's always eithther because they get scard or because they subconsciously know your not "the one" but they want to wait and make sure. Men react to things like this by pulling away. Women need to get closer to know things will be ok. Sucks and it feels terrrible. I know, i've been there. I learned to "win" at that game though. I quit calling the guy, I don't text, if they call or text I take an hour to respond. I act like I'm too busy and it attracts them back everytime! I don't need to do that anymore...I'm married. But, did it to my husband when we went from casual dating to serious and then I didn't hear from him for a couple days. He came running back and never pulled that bull again.

My suggestion for getting through this: turn your phone off. It will feel like it will kill you, but just do it. It will relieve the anxiety of waiting for that dam* incoming text or ringtone. Turn your facebook chat to "not available". and rent the above movie"how to loose a guy in 10 days" and "He's just not that in to you". It will make sense to you and will make you laugh at the perspective it will put things in for you. It will also give you 4 hours of "me" time. Then take a sleeping pill (over the counter) and get a good nights rest. When you are upset and not sleeping, the lack of sleep will make you more emotional. Then, get up in the morning and go join a gym(free trial membership) and focus on you and being the best you that you can invision. Start that new hobbey you have always wanted or get online and enroll in something new you have wanted to learn. etc. etc. When he comes around finally, you will be well rested, and he will see you as a confidant woman with her own interests whom can take him or leave him and that will make him want you.


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## LBG (Nov 22, 2011)

To me, you come across as somewhat of a stalker. Like the others said, leave him ALONE! If he cannot give you the respect of returning one of your many texts, voicemails, or emails than he wasn't worth it anyway. Trust me, he's getting the messages, but you're freaking him out. If you want to help your chances at all, BACK OFF! Let him figure himself out and get control of yourself. No man is worth what you are doing to yourself. There's plenty more out there and like the others said as well, get some counseling this isn't healthy behavoir. Yes, the beginning of a relationship is usually when it's at its most intense but you are not going to die withouth having this one man in your life. 

If I were him, I'd RUN as fast as I could and as far as I could!


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## eagleclaw (Sep 20, 2010)

You are coming off like the movie fatal attraction! You are probably scaring the sh!t out of him. At the very least remember this. Nothing can come towards you while you are steadfastly chasing it. STOP chasing him. STOP being plan B.

Show some self respect, don't pursue him at all and let the next move be his. And if he comes back toward you... don't just jump right back in. Make him work for it. Take things slow(er). And don't EVER call someone more than 3 times without a response again.


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