# When he always gets mad if I tell him how I feel???



## AwfullyGuilty (Oct 29, 2012)

*Why he always gets mad if I tell him how I feel???*

My husband and I started MC about 8 months ago. 
He did not want to go at first but then he went anyway. 

After this weekend's fight front of our best friends, he told me that only reason why I started MC was to get a proof that this marriage is over. 
I told him this is not true and we are where we are because we both did mistakes and my feelings went cold after him not being there for me when I needed him the most. 
We both were trying to start live in foreign country, I had to learn new language from zero, learn how to drive, how to exist without my family and close friends. It was a lot to process for shy person like me but instead of his support, all I got was criticism, belittling. 
When I was depressed, he was making fun of me and my condition. Then, or all this time, there was emotional abuse and physical when I made him mad. 
This was going on for about 7 years. I found my old email I send him in 2005. Same feelings, same things telling him over and over again just like now..."Please, start listen to me. Please stop doing this and this because I am afraid you will push me away from you."
I remember each time I told him or wrote him about my feelings and the way I saw our marriage, he would laugh right into my face, calling me crazy, saying there is nothing wrong and blaming me for everything. It was just me who always had a problem.
He never said he is sorry that I feel that way. He won't start talking to me, just shuts down and gives me silent treatment or tells me he is done. I am tired to start conversations with him to make him talk to me about anything. He never listens to me at first place and makes me feel like it is just me who messed up this marriage, like everything is my fault.
Then, when I see him sad or mad for me being honest with him, I feel awful for hurting his feelings. I start to forget what happened or we did to each other before but that's not right. You can forgive and I did, but I am not going to forget. I did my mistakes, so did he but at least I can admit them. Why can't he??? My MC therapist said, if this is his reaction to things like that, he is just being selfish and making it all about him, not caring about me and my feelings at all. 
What should I do? I am lost. I do think about leaving him for so long...I am stuck.


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## ileft (May 3, 2013)

Classic case of emotional abuse. Your husband may have a personality disorder like NPD (narcissism) which causes him to lack empathy and refuses to admit any wrongdoing.

I would suggest educating yourself more on emotional abuse and personality disorders. After that, you need to make a big decision on whether you can put up with this behaviour any more.

For what it's worth, if he has a personality disorder, I don't think he will change.


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