# Making Sense of Crazy Behavior



## Qwilleran (Jun 11, 2011)

Hi,

I posted my story the other day under the title "Should I Tell Her Off Or Just Walk". I would like to thank those who offered their advise.

I was wondering how others here have dealt with or are dealing with all the behavior their STBX has displayed during there time with the OM/OW. Behavior that they never exhibited while they were with you. Such behavior as attending sports events, entertainment events, social outings etc. that they would have said they had no interest in participating in. As an example my wife would never go to a hockey game or even watch it on TV. Now with the OM my daughter tells me about my STBX attending and watching such events. 

I have also heard from an inlaw how my STBX has bragged about how great the sex is with the OM, even how she is doing things she would never have done before. My inlaw has said that my STBX has a wild side to her that I never new existed.

WTF is this all about. It's like she's a Jekyll/Hyde type. Is this common behavior for wayward spouses.

Why could my STBX never have expressed her interest in hockey or other things while she was with me. I would have quite happily obliged.

The other thing that amazes me is her sheer lack of remorse for her actions. She actually told me in an email recently that the OM has allowed her to see the other side of the coin regarding my anger toward her. In other words she supposedly could not understand why I would be upset with what she has done to myself and her daughter.

WHO IS THIS PERSON????? ARRRRRGHHH!!!!!!!!!

Qwill the bewildered


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## brighterlight (Aug 13, 2009)

I dunno man, without any more info I would say this is the normal affair. It's like a drug at first, eventually it wears off. Doesn't help you one bit but you asked if it was normal. My guess is that you probably became complacent with regards to affection for her due to your responsibilities as a dad and probably good provider. This is what waywards say most of the time is the reason they stray. Forgetting all of your devotion and dedication to your marriage in lieu of the wild side. Yeah, their behavior costs us emotionally, financially, mentally, etc but hey that's what waywards do best - tear apart marriages. I am sure she will tell you that, if as you say, you could have done all the other things the other man is doing - why did you not pursue that with her? Well, the answer is usually - ummm, because your not a mind reader! BTW, you sound like you did the best that you could have done. Stay a good father, hang in there, work on becoming a better person and hold your head up high in knowing that you respected your vows. Just my feelings on it. Sorry man, I sound as if I am indifferent to your situation, let me assure you that I am not; I really feel for you. I lost a 30+ year marriage for the same reasons. I just think that we live in a ME world and therein lies the problem with waywards!



_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 827Aug (Apr 27, 2008)

Hate to tell you this, but..... All of that is typical affair behavior. She's in what we call "the fog". I tell people aliens came in one night and took my real husband. They left an impostor. He looks and sounds like the husband I knew for 20+ years; but I don't know who this new person is. He acts nothing like my husband. The sad part is that it has been going on five years. My divorce attorney tells me the man doesn't even know who the real R--- -------- is either.

As for lack of remorse, it goes hand in hand with the fog. It's been five years since my estranged husband "went off the deep end". He's definitely not remorseful. He tells everyone how happy he is now. His life is in utter chaos and ruin, but he is even lying to himself. Your wife will even lie to herself while in the fog.


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## Lon (Jun 6, 2011)

brighterlight said:


> I dunno man, without any more info I would say this is the normal affair. It's like a drug at first, eventually it wears off. Doesn't help you one bit but you asked if it was normal. My guess is that you probably became complacent with regards to affection for her due to your responsibilities as a dad and probably good provider. This is what waywards say most of the time is the reason they stray. Forgetting all of your devotion and dedication to your marriage in lieu of the wild side. Yeah, their behavior costs us emotionally, financially, mentally, etc but hey that's what waywards do best - tear apart marriages. I am sure she will tell you that, if as you say, you could have done all the other things the other man is doing - why did you not pursue that with her? Well, the answer is usually - ummm, because your not a mind reader! BTW, you sound like you did the best that you could have done. Stay a good father, hang in there, work on becoming a better person and hold your head up high in knowing that you respected your vows. Just my feelings on it. Sorry man, I sound as if I am indifferent to your situation, let me assure you that I am not; I really feel for you. I lost a 30+ year marriage for the same reasons. I just think that we live in a ME world and therein lies the problem with waywards!
> 
> 
> 
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


+1

BrighterLight, time and time again your words resound so strong with me... This is exactly the reason my marriage failed.

And yeah she is still in the fog - I suspect its starting to lift a bit but she will be way to stubborn and impatient to try to understand it. She'll be sad confused a ball of emotion, become the victim of life she always reverts to and will deny what she knows is the right path for she is wayward and will always seek the easy way out. Meanwhile I will continue to be the diligent father, doing the most with what I have while also trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered heart all while trying to get myself out of the depression I've let myself fall into.

I guess our work as the betrayed spouses is cut out for us, but we have level heads and know that we will get out of it like we always do, once we get our direction back.


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