# He watches Porno blame me! cheats-but he is nice



## independentbutconfused (Aug 5, 2013)

I told my husband i did not want him to get a reflexology massage by a girl because I felt uncomfortable but he got a girl anyway. 10 years ago I found out he had cheated with masseuse in the past. After the massage I told him I was hurt because he does not respect my feelings we said: next time tell me it is an order or a command"!! I should have been more clear besides I needed to grow up and not be so immature. He added: "by the way, I've been watching porno since you don't give me any sex". We are down to once every 2 weeks. He started getting progesterone shots for "muscle recovering" because he is a cyclist and did not tell me. He does not see a problem in his behavior and usually ends up being mad at me for me getting TOO upset when I have to endure his indiscretions.
We been married for 34 years. I caught him mast...even when dating. Hid books around the house during our first years. Sometimes masturbated in the shower right after we had sex. Over the years cheated and Blamed me because i did not give him enough sex. 1-2 a week no enough. Passion went down for me after several cheating episodes. We did it once a week up until about 3 years. He slapped me and has pushed me around in anger and that has really killed every thing in the last 3 years.
I have become sick with pain in my body, auto immune disorder and menopause does not help. I am physically very attractive, always kept my figure, Have a degree, I am well traveled and good a public speaking. I have an art career that takes me traveling around the country, fame and glory but not really lot of money. He allows me all the freedom never is jealous or preoccupied about my whereabouts my success or my failures which always bothered me since I am always very in tuned with his happenings at his work and hobbies. No one knows my predicament my family thinks the world of him. Two sides too the story. I cheated on him and confessed and he send me to counseling o fix my problem. Then he found out again and hit me. I never did it again. Since then he has done it a couple of times because I make him soooo angry. Otherwise he is serene, easy going, not possessive, discipline, good provider I am a good invester and don't spend a lot of money. He is good and bad. I need encouragement I am 56 even though I am courageous, outgoing I am terrified of staying here or leaving. I am afraid to divorce because I don't want to be alone but I am realizing that I have been alone all this time. Now that I have some serious health problems feel like I can't afford to divorce because of the medical expenses. We have 4 houses 10 cars investments etc. his 30 years pension but i don't know why I am so. I live in TX no alimony. afraid.


----------



## jaharthur (May 25, 2012)

Let's see: he cheats, you cheat, he hits you. The other stuff is really minor in comparison. You don't mention children--I assume either you don't have any or they are adults. It doesn't sound like much of a marriage.

Get thee to a lawyer. I think you may well have rights to spousal maintenance. Also, Texas is a community property state. If you have lived there the entire marriage, you will have rights to a fair share of his pension and all assets acquired by virtue of work during the marriage.

Don't make any decisions until you've consulted with a lawyer and confirmed your rights on divorce. You may find that you will have sufficient assets to end the marriage, if that's what you want to do.


----------



## MissScarlett (May 22, 2013)

In all honesty it sounds as if you have no respect for yourself.

Enduring cheating and physical abuse - and you lowering yourself to cheating as well!? 

It sounds like you both are no good for each other.


----------



## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

independentbutconfused said:


> I told my husband i did not want him to get a reflexology massage by a girl because I felt uncomfortable but he got a girl anyway. 10 years ago I found out he had cheated with masseuse in the past. After the massage I told him I was hurt because he does not respect my feelings we said: next time tell me it is an order or a command"!! I should have been more clear besides I needed to grow up and not be so immature. He added: "by the way, I've been watching porno since you don't give me any sex". We are down to once every 2 weeks. He started getting progesterone shots for "muscle recovering" because he is a cyclist and did not tell me. He does not see a problem in his behavior and usually ends up being mad at me for me getting TOO upset when I have to endure his indiscretions.
> We been married for 34 years. I caught him mast...even when dating. Hid books around the house during our first years. Sometimes masturbated in the shower right after we had sex. Over the years cheated and Blamed me because i did not give him enough sex. 1-2 a week no enough. Passion went down for me after several cheating episodes. We did it once a week up until about 3 years. He slapped me and has pushed me around in anger and that has really killed every thing in the last 3 years.
> I have become sick with pain in my body, auto immune disorder and menopause does not help. I am physically very attractive, always kept my figure, Have a degree, I am well traveled and good a public speaking. I have an art career that takes me traveling around the country, fame and glory but not really lot of money. He allows me all the freedom never is jealous or preoccupied about my whereabouts my success or my failures which always bothered me since I am always very in tuned with his happenings at his work and hobbies. No one knows my predicament my family thinks the world of him. Two sides too the story. I cheated on him and confessed and he send me to counseling o fix my problem. Then he found out again and hit me. I never did it again. Since then he has done it a couple of times because I make him soooo angry. Otherwise he is serene, easy going, not possessive, discipline, good provider I am a good invester and don't spend a lot of money. He is good and bad. I need encouragement I am 56 even though I am courageous, outgoing I am terrified of staying here or leaving. I am afraid to divorce because I don't want to be alone but I am realizing that I have been alone all this time. Now that I have some serious health problems feel like I can't afford to divorce because of the medical expenses. We have 4 houses 10 cars investments etc. his 30 years pension but i don't know why I am so. I live in TX no alimony. afraid.



You sound like a great catch and fantastic woman.

This guy of yours should never hit you or be abusive. That's what communication is for and even marriage counseling.

He seems to be a very HD (high sex drive) guy. He could have sex 1 - 2x day. For yourself, sex 2x month to 1 - 2x week. For his high sex drive, that isn't enough and he is taking the bad ways out of dealing with it. Cheating should never of happened either.

Let him have his porn sessions to get it out of his system or bump it up a few notches to 4 - 7x week and sometimes 2x a day, instead of always once.

I think its more of a sexual mismatch and he is dealing with this in the wrong ways.


----------

