# Devastated and ex married after 6 weeks!



## evondavis1

I think I might have you all beat with my story! I was with my ex for 7 years. We have a 3 year sold son, lived together, owned a business together, shared everything. Basically we were married without the paperwork. Granted our relationship, just like everyone else's had it's fair share of ups and downs. So about 3 months ago, I had told him I had enough. We were together for 7 years, and not once did he want to talk about marriage and commitment, he always said it was a stupid peice of paper. I made him leave 3 months ago because I knew he was not happy with me, or even with our life. He was always talking to ex's, even though I asked him to stop many times. He was always blowing me and our son off at the last minute. According to him, he checked out of the relationship 5 years ago. So guess what he did - one week later he found a GF who is 13 years younger. ( I am 36 and he is 37). He kept this from me until everyone started to find out on Facebook (the devil's website). Then after 6 weeks, they took off and eloped to Vegas! WOW!! I begged this man for 7 years to give me what he gave her in 6 weeks!!



I am devastated, but I wake every morning and take care of my son. I am in the process of dissolving the company that we have owned together for the last 6 years.


What I don't understand, how can you get married to someone, after 6 weeks, and he doesn't even have a job or place to live? She also lives 3 hours away, and they travel back and forth to see each other. He told me he won't move up to her because of our son. However, I think he should just disappear. He has even had then nerve to ask me to be his friend over and over again for the last 3 months. I really think he lost his mind. A friend wouldn't get married behind your back. A friend wouldn't treat you badly and then tell you that you are the worst GF in the world and that I ruined everything for thim. 


Everyone told me he did it to spite me. I say he probably just found his match and she's just as crazy as he is.


I hope that one day I can get through this. I am so depressed, and after 3 months I still cry. How could he do this???


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## Shooboomafoo

He can do it because he LACKS the level of emotional intelligence and maturity it requires to be a decent individual that gives a sh!t.

Count your blessings that you are free of this kind of scum.
Imagine the costs if you had found out what kind of dude he was after 20 years...
Dont give the thought, the time of day.
Be fREE!!!!


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## evondavis1

Yes, he does lack everything you need to be a decent human being. I knew that early on in the relationship, but I just took it as he likes to have fun and live in the moment. Impulsive is what he is. 
It's amazing how everyone tells me that they are happy this happened now instead of 20 years from now, but you know what the crazy thing is, despite him and his behaviors, I did love him. How do I let that go?


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## PBear

You're assuming he has only been seeing her for 6 weeks... Not sure that would be my first guess...

C
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Weathered

He doesn't sound like he's exercising good judgement here, he didn't necessarily go crazy. Whatever the motive, it's not a good move on his part on a number of levels, but the only one who can figure that out is himself. You keep living your life and expect nothing from him in return.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Shaggy

Just imagine all the issues the chick he married must have to marry a man who lives far away, is older, etc.

I predict that not only is she a flaky piece of work but that this marriage will not last.


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## Dollystanford

well that's going to end well!


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## vi_bride04

My stbxh was engaged not even 3 months from when I moved out. 8 yr marriage, 10 yr relationship. I heard through the grapevine he is scheduled to be married sometime after Christmas...maybe around 3 weeks from when the divorce is final.

I should congratulate him on his upcoming 3rd divorce


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## evondavis1

I guess it is a wake up call. I mean, he moved on so quickly like I never existed. Also, what about our son? He left him to, but swears he is the best father in the world and would do anything for him. I believe his actions just proved what kind of person and father he really is.


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## vi_bride04

evondavis1 said:


> I guess it is a wake up call. I mean, he moved on so quickly like I never existed. Also, what about our son? He left him to, but swears he is the best father in the world and would do anything for him. I believe his actions just proved what kind of person and father he really is.


Right....but don't think it has anything to do with you. It's all on him. Like you say, his actions say it all. 

Just be the best mom you can be for your son.


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## evondavis1

Thank you all for your kind words!!! Even though I am living in my own personal hell, I do have one person that puts a smile on my face 24/7 and that is my son. He is my world and everything I do now is for him. Everyday is a challenge, but I know time will heal my wounds. I still have to talk to him all the time, and not only for our son, but for dissolving the business. I also am living in his mom's 3 flat, and she lives upstairs. His mom and my mom are going on a cruise this weekend for 2 weeks. They became friends many years ago, through our relationship. So not only has he affect me and my son, but everyone around us. I hope they see and feel the same way my friends and family do, however I should not care. People can have their own opinions, just like my family/friends support me.


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## Paradise

Ah, this post brings back memories! My ex moved in with the OM 3 months after the divorce and married 6 months later. I was replaced one month after the divorce and the two of them went on a "family" vacation with the kids, etc. F-ing joke. People like that aren't worth two squirts of pee in my book.


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## office girlie

Mine moved in with the OW the day he left ! And that was after 14 yrs of marriage. I know how you feel / just take one day @ a time. I'm only on my 4th month but slowly getting back to myself. I have good days and bad days.


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## Hoosier

Got you beat office girl! Mine backed her bags, walked, yes walked, 5 blocks to the OM house and moved in. They were married 8 months later. She moved out July of last year. This was the end of our 30 year marriage. It is the POSOM's fifth marriage.....wonder how this is going to end?


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## office girlie

ROFL! I know it's not funny but guess u do got me beat on that one


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## evondavis1

You are all so right. I have to vent, that is why I am here! ;-)
It's been 3 months since I kicked him out. I do feel better everyday, but this week is good only because he is on vacation so I have had no communication with him. I am dreading this weekend because I know he will be back and the **** Storm will be here again. I wish he would just disappear, move somewhere far, far away. 
I guess I am so bitter because of what he did after the breakup. I thought I was giving him a wakeup call, that he would actually sit down, think and perhaps regroup. WRONG!! He did the exact opposite, something totally crazy in my eyes. I wish I had a circle of friends that could be next to me 24/7. I feel so alone most of the time, even when I am busy with life. He literally sucked my self-esteem and confidence out of me. I am sure he will do the same to her. I heard she is a pretty strong individual, that won't put up with anything. Well guess what, so was I! I had so many people tell me in the first few months of daing that they liked me a lot because I wouldn't put up with his ****. RED FLAG! I am sure he will do the same to her, over time. I was just stupid enough to last 7 years.


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## evondavis1

It does help me to hear of all the other stories out there, and I feel that I am not alone. Ever since he met her, he has turned on me and blaimed me for everything that has gone on his life. He tells me that everything is my fault. The past 7 years were torture for him, he would rather put a bullet in his head then get back together with me, etc. Then went on to say that I am a horrible mother, that his new wife will be a better mom to our son, that my whole family is dusgusting, that everyone he knows wants to kill me, etc. etc. And through all this, I still cry, am depressed, think about him all the time. I guess my co-dependancy on him is still going strong. I can’t stop obsessing over some man who clearly does not care. He told me he check out 5 years ago and should have left a long time ago. Why do I still care? I feel rejected and hurt. I feel so bad for my son. I wanted the "family" so badly, that I lost who I was. Before I met him, I was completely independant, purchased my own condo, had money, had a fantastic job, tons of friends, freedom to do what I wanted when I wanted to. This is a great opportunity to start all over. I can work on me now. I can hopefully, eventually find someone who wants to spend the rest of our lives together, with no drama. Just friendship, loyalty, love, emotion, etc. I just want the fundamentals in my next relationship.


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## office girlie

I am so not ready for another relationship at all. Maybe it's my age but just don't want to do the whole dating scene at all. I'm kinda enjoying being by myself with no one to worry bout any more! My kids r grown and doing great and I am so glad I don't have to pull up in my driveway wondering where he is and when he's coming home after a long day of work ! I'm also enjoying all that extra closet space I have


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## Dollystanford

My ex moved someone in to his flat the week we got divorced (about 6 weeks ago) and he's already moaning about her...to me no less! 
I feel sorry for the poor cow
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## Lon

I picked up my son from my exes the other day and saw her bf's car (not one of the guys she was cheating with) in the driveway with the day before's snow on it, so I know he was overnight when my son was there. He was there at the time I think but hid out in the other room while I was there. My ex's room mate moved out a couple months ago and I have a nagging fear he may be moving in. there is not much I can do because even though we said no overnights in our agreement we had an exception for "serious" relationships, and I think it's been almost a year since they started. Ugh.


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## evondavis1

I know what you are feeling. It hurts to know that someone else will be "moving" into your spot when it comes to the children. I am trying to worry about it less, especially since it hasn't happened yet, but I always fear about my son calling her or thinking she is another mommy. I really have so much anger towards my ex for this. If he handled everything after the breakup like a normal person, then I wouldn't hate him so much. So, instead of talking to me about it, or anyone for that matter, he eloped without telling a single person. He took off and made a selfish decision, without thinking about his son. I can handle our breakup now, I am coming to terms that we were not meant to be, but by his actions after, I know exactly what kind of person I was with. I realize there was a reason why I cried myself to sleep so many nights. I realize why I became insecure. I realize why I becam co-dependant. 
I know I have to relax and breathe. I have to trust my ex, and know that I will not be replace in my son's eyes. How do you trust an ex like this? I am scared, but I know it will get better. Things will be better someday.


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## pandorabox

Look on the bright side - she landed him - so he is her problem now. The difference is - you could just kick him out - she will have to go through all this separation/ divorce bull^**(t


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## EleGirl

evondavis1,

That marriage is not going to last. He's on the rebound and is showing you.... 


Use this time to get stronger. You can take time to contemplate why you love someone like him. It's not healthy for you or your son. Show you son that his mom is a strong women who will not allow anyone to stomple on her self worth.


One way to get there is to start treating him according to the 180.. .see the link to the 180 in my signature block below.


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## Paradise

EleGirl said:


> That marriage is not going to last. He's on the rebound and is showing you....


I have to admit, I wonder how many marriages that begin when someone cheats on their spouse actually make it. My ex is on her 3rd marriage. Her new hubby is on his second. They broke apart two families to start their new "family." Were cheating for a year and living together 3 or 4 months after the divorce was final. They have now been married for about half a year. 

I think about this sometimes, I won't lie. I wonder if they are really happy and if maybe it was me and his ex that were such losers and bad people as they made it sound on the way out. Definitely a hard pill to swallow. 

I do know one couple that cheated on their spouses and married and are still together. Just wondering if this one will turn out to be the same. I hate that I think like this but I almost feel like there will be some sense of closure if they do split.


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## evondavis1

So here is an update. My ex called me last weekend to “rehash” and “get closure” as he said. We went down memory lane and the demise of the relationship for 90 minutes. Still everything is my fault according to him, but I know my truth. I don’t have to defend myself, but I feel like I have to with him always! So towards the end of the conversation, he tell me his new wife is pregnant!!! WTF!!!
Mind you, they met less than 4 months ago, 1 week after we broke up. Married her 6 weeks later, and now she is “accidentally” pregnant, and this is still my fault because I kicked him out. I told him he should have been a man and made me happy, but instead he took off on this downward spiral of a life.
The wife is 24, 13 years younger than my ex. A Russian immigrant here in the US on a student VISA. Now the ex is broke, no job because we are dissolving the company we own together, lives with his sister, his wife lives in another state, 3 hours away. No car insurance, no health insurance, not a pot to piss in. Who makes these terrible choices? Yet, it is still my fault because I kicked him out.


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## vi_bride04

Well he's not your problem anymore, is he?? LOL tell him to talk to his wife about it


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## Nsweet

I came here to pat you on the back, but after reading your story I want to raise you fist in the in victory. 

To put it bluntly, you were taken just like I was and many other's here. These predatory people look for a relationship where they can feel cared for and sheltered from their own responsibilities and emotions. To live without a relationship causes them to look within, and faced without the tools to fix whatever past problems they are re-experiencing, like parent's separation or molestation at an early age, they can't deal with it so they launch from relationship to relationship wearing out one person and then looking to feed on the next. 

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!!!

He's been doing this for years before you and he will do it with her. I've taken a lot of time to research what happenes to people having affairs years down the line and honey, if he cheated with her he's going to cheat on her when she stops seeming so perfect. I don't need to explain the five stages of a relationship to you because generally these people never make it past the "conflict" stage or longer than 3 years without an affair, a pregnancy plot, or an arrest warrant. I'm not kidding either, the cheater/blamer crazy doesn't change.

If you ask me, and I know it hurts to hear this....... 
You are better off without him! Now get yourself into therapy and commit yourself to at least a year without a relationship so you can better understand yourself and KEEP FROM GETTING INVOLVED WITH CRAZY AGAIN! I know that sounds like a punishment but a year off so you can spend time looking within, at your past relationships, at your relationship with your parents, and with your friends will help you get away and never make the same mistakes again.


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## vi_bride04

Nsweet said:


> To put it bluntly, you were taken just like I was and many other's here. These predatory people look for a relationship where they can feel cared for and sheltered from their own responsibilities and emotions. To live without a relationship causes them to look within, and faced without the tools to fix whatever past problems they are re-experiencing, like parent's separation or molestation at an early age, they can't deal with it so they launch from relationship to relationship wearing out one person and then looking to feed on the next.


I have been having the same thoughts regarding the ex this week. He used me to fill a void and that is all


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## chattycathy

You weren't married.
You were kind of like married.

He found someone he wanted to marry.

It sucks.

Hopefully he and your child can find their way to have a relationship. A father and child have a primal relationship with each other.

Hope your business resolves well and you can move onward.


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## Nsweet

You want to know if you are the sane one or if you really are crazy? I bet you do...... Look back on the fights you used to have and count the times you felt guilty for things you didn't do and tried to think of all the ways you could "fix" your relationship. 

If you can't think of a damn thing and protest your innosence and spend late nights blasting him as well as all men on FB. Then you really are crazy.

However, since you came here for help blaming yourself for all things wrong he found in you after the breakup and looking for ways to "fix" yourself and your relationship. It's not you sug, it's him and has been all along. 

It's like that joke where the woman walks into a Psychologist's office and says he thinks he crazy and needs to be locked up. The shrink asks her why and after a long talk she tells her she's a little weird but perfectly fine. So she comes back the next day with her husband and a stack of cash demanding she be locked up because she's crazy. So the good doc asks her whats wrong and she points to her husband, leaving the room so he can fill in the gaps. Her husband says "My wife thinks I'm cheating on her and I want her to stop!". She asks him "Well are you cheating?". He says "Yes I've been cheating on her from day one, now get her to stop bugging me about it." Obligated by her hypocritical oath she knows she can't tell the wife so instead she orders them both to take a pill that will fix their marital problems. The next day the woman calls the shrink and thanks her for everything in the world telling her over and over "I've never felt so wonderful!", but then she said "I think there is something wrong with my husband". "He came home very early last night and couldn't quit crying". The doctor says "I know. The pill I gave you was for anxiety. I gave him something to take away his erections...... Let him tell you why he's depressed.":rofl: 

I know it's not easy realizing you've been in a relationship with someone who was just using you. It hurts! But I promise you are going to feel so much better not too long from now when you wake up after a couple weeks of not having to worry about him or deal with the exciting drama filled life he brings. Just promise yourself you will take a break for a while or else you will risk getting involved with another just like him because you missed that dopamine high from the gattling gun of dissapointment with one or two happy moments.


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## Chuck71

Paradise, when two cheaters end up getting married, I have five grand that says within 90 days.....the issues will start. Wanna know the first one? Trust.....wow what a shock lol.


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## Hoosier

My xw moved in with the POSOM the day I discovered the texts. We divorced 82 days later, they were married 6 Montserrat later. D was final oct of 2011. In Aug of this year, found out that xw no longer had her $10 a month cell phone, she and POSOM now share one! If you want to talk to her, you call him and he hands her the phone. The result is that only one of three grown children call their mother, as POSOM was 20 year family friend and "she's our mom, but he isn't $hit, we don't want to have anything to do with him". Think this marriage has trust issues? Serves them right.


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## Nsweet

So it's like she escaped from a rehab clinic - that was your marriage, where she was held more accountable - and ran into a POW camp with him, where she's really going to feel miserable. KARMA! Now she's making his life miserable and he's showing her what hell a true bad marriage can be.

Lol, cheaters always think life will be perfect after divorce like it supposedly is now with the AP, just without their faithful spouse/husband. But they always come to find that wonderful person they wanted is well....... controlling, super jealous, derranged, CRAZY! Anyone who is willing to put all their self worth into an affair and start a life based on a dream needs to get their head examined.


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## gulfwarvet

A lot of these people who just jump into the next relationship so soon after trashing the last one you have to just chalk up to being selfcentered and insecure.I really disagree with this thing of just jumping into bed with a person so soon after meeting someone-I think its a recipe for failure.Instead of taking the time to really get to know someone,seeing if you really enjoy their company the relationship becomes centered around the physical aspect and often times does not progress into a healthy relationship.


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## Nsweet

Not only that, but if you wait a few months to get to know a person before having sex, the sex is better. The first time with someone is always awkward because you're trying to put your best foot foward in the bedroom to please them. But if you each know each other a bit more you feel more relaxed to let go and have fun.

Also I can't see what thrill in sex there is after leaving your spouse for someone else. If everytime you got together it was perfect, hot, and heavy then that's a lot of pressure to bring your A game everynight. LIke I tell the betrayed women on here "I hope she likes giving blowjobs till death do they part, because that's what she promised him if he would leave you".


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## evondavis1

Thank you all for your replies. This is helping me so much right now. I am 4 months out from the breakup, and there are days like today, when I woke up I am so angry. I know I have to let the anger go. I have to come to terms with the fact that my son now has a step-mom, and about to have a 1/2 brother/sister in 9 months. I am sick, sick to death today. Is this really normal nowadays? I don't get it. I have done everything to make myself better, work out, get my F/t job back, take care of my son, finances, etc. but I am just so angry today. Ex keeps asking his family members about me to make sure I am ok and wants to be civil with me. There is no civil! I don't know anyone that would be ok with this situation. I feel like this is a bad nightmare and I'm trying my hardest to get over what happened.
The good thing is that I haven't seen him or talked to him in a few weeks now. I can't help but feel like I still miss him in some strange way. I haven't cried in weeks, but today I am a mess. 
As for his marriage, I know it's a rebound. As for his pregnancy, I know it was an accident that he didn't want, as he told me this himself. How do you stop loving/caring for someone you were with for 7 years. I feel like I lost a part of me. Someone help me please ;-(


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## gulfwarvet

Grieve,get it out of your system and don't try to supress it.I think sometimes people go running off to couselors thinking they are going to feel better but really it takes time and more importantly you have to give yourself time and realize it will get better but your going to have your down days-I know I've had mine.-So don't get down on yourself.A lot of people say myself included that until a year passes you don't notice a discernable difference.My advice to you is give yourself that time.


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