# My ex & me



## Sunsmiles77 (May 23, 2018)

My second post!
Background is required so here goes. I married my first husband at 20 when he was 25. I was young, pretty innocent, and fell for him hard. I ignored warning signs about him such as; when he brought me to meet his parents he called his mother dumb and bossed her around. They were Italian and she was an immigrant, like my parents (only Asians), and didn't understand English so well. But she was a sweet woman and was always kind to me. Before we were married he'd make remarks, offhand, to his friends about me or even discuss or insinuate our private matters but I was in love and I married him.
It didn't take long after we married for him to begin saying out loud that I "was stupid" or to order me around. I wanted to make him happy, be a good wife like my mom, so I smiled and thought he'd just had a bad day at work......every day lol!
Our sex life started out great but he was always dominant, telling me what to do, and he'd get coarse and profane during sex, sometimes even a little rough, which intimidated me very much. He humiliated me once by recording me performing oral sex on him and showing it to his friends! And I found out from his friends wife that was appalled that any husband would treat his wife like she wasn't even worthy of human respect! He wanted me pregnant and blamed me for failing at it almost until our first son, now 17, was born. he bullied me into doing some things I was ashamed of in the bedroom and often ridiculed me in front of his friends. We ended up having two sons, now 17 & 15, and I stayed in it 8 years until my family (Siblings and in-laws) intervened and pulled me away. He'd begun smacking me on occasion, he'd been grabbing me by my hair for a few years by then when he was angry or during sex, once for refusing sex with him and once for not cleaning dog poop off our floor.
How humiliating? He grabbed me by my hair that day (dog day) and pushed my face down onto the floor into the dog poop and screamed at me that he'd told me twice to clean it up. I was screaming and crying that he was an animal. He flew into a rage and, yes, he raped me. In his bizarre mind that was his apology to me. He stood up after he was done and just said clean that **** up and walked out to go meet his friends. I called my sister crying and my brothers and brother-in-law came over to get me and my sons and I never went back.
I should have called the police on him many times but I didn't.
Big mistake.
Ladies, if he EVER hits you or manhandles you call 911 and get out is all I can tell you.
The problem is that I agreed to give him the boys one weekend every month and two weeks in the summer. The boys hate going with him and I don't know why he even persists with it. He calls our oldest son "******" and thinks he's homosexual because he plays the piano and doesn't care for sports. He's not gay and even if he was I would still love him like I do now. 
When he (my ex) visits I always ask my husband to stay home, or to have a neighbor come by, because I'm still frightened to this day that he may physically or sexually assault me. He's hinted many times that he made a mistake and is sorry but my sons come home and say he tells them things like "their mom is a **** and a dumb *****." Yes, he's a real pig.
Me?
I remarried a few years after our divorce to a wonderful man who'd lost his first wife to cancer 5 years earlier. We have a 9 year old daughter together and a very happy marriage. My boys tell me that my husband is what they've always wanted in a dad and call him "Dad" which makes him so proud and happy. They don't care for their dad but told me they'll keep spending time with him because they don't want me stressed or going to court over this.
The problem?
He keeps joking, it's not funny, about taking the boys on a singles cruise ( believe it or not he is on his 4th marriage breaking up and he's 46 now) and "getting them some action" this summer. When I told him he'd better not he just laughs and says he's joking and makes another homophobic remark about our oldest not liking girls any way (he does). This man is such a HORRIBLE role model for my sons that I wish he would just go away.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I don't know what else to tell you other than you did the right thing when you finally divorced him. 

He is a horrible waste of the earth's oxygen and food supply and the less the kids can be around him the better. 

I would do anything that would make the kids be around him any more than what the court has ordered per the legal custody arrangment.

Eventually he will completely abandon the kids. When he does that, let him go and do not do anything that would encourage the kids to have any contact with him at all.


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