# Husband insisting on abortion



## InNeedofForgiveness09 (Sep 28, 2009)

Ive been married for four years, we have three beautiful girls.. a three year old, a two year old, and a one year old. I am seven weeks pregnant with our fourth child. Our marriage sucks, partly because my husband blames me for alot of things including making his life miserable.....he had to lose jobs because of the kids as we were struggling, he didnt ever want kids in the first place, he wants as many girl friends as possible and because I was jealous (he wouild always try to get his "friends" to like him more than a friend... its something about him wanting to be wanted by other women),he blames me for not being a good wife (cooking and cleaning). I do cook and clean but the house gets dirty and messed up soon after I clean it. 
He refuses to let me keep this baby. That if I have it, he is not going to help me at ALL. He said if the baby screams in the middle of the night, he will stay asleep because he didnt want the child in the first place. 
Im in between a rock and a hard place. If I keep it, Im going to risk my marriage (even though its already messed up), but if I dont Im going to be devastated because I do not believe in abortion. I had an appointment scheduled to tie my tubes before I got pregnant again, so im just so lost and confused. someone please write back. Im sorry this is so long.


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## JamesM (Sep 17, 2009)

Let's look at it objectively as if you were talking to someone else.

Person has a marriage that is not good. 
Person is pregnant.
Person wants baby.
Person aborts baby to save marriage.
Either....
Marriage fails. Person is resentful for losing baby.
Marriage succeeds. Person is resentful for losing baby.


And especially since you do not approve of abortion, then this resentment will most likely also be guilt and depression in either case.

The only person who really suffers if you abort the baby (besides obviously the baby...and that is no small part of this discussion) is you. 

So, you have the baby and you get up every night to take care of the baby. Will the fact that you have the baby and love it mean something?

I think the discussion over the baby is a symptom of the real problem...and having an abortion won't magically cure the marriage.


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## Mommybean (Jan 22, 2009)

Can I ask, why did you guys get married in the first place?


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## amberlynn (May 24, 2009)

I wanna know the answer to MommyBean's question...Why did you marry him?? If he didn't want kids then why didn't he use protection..or just keep it in his pants? I don't believe in abortion, and its not the baby's fault, it didn't ask to be created, it just happened, so why take abort it? Either way, I don't think things will get better, seeing how he wants "multiple" girlfriends... Does he interact with the other kids? Even acknowledge them?


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

It takes two to procreate, and he (your husband) is fifty percent to blame. What I wonder is, why didn't the two of you have precautions in place, to begin with?


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## JamesM (Sep 17, 2009)

I think we could actually answer the questions ourselves.

First, she was planning to have her tubes tied. Like most of us, they didn't expect to get pregnant before then.

Second, they already have three children. The H doesn't sound like he wanted no children. He just didn't want another baby now...right or wrong.

Third, I don't see how this relates to them getting married which was a number of years ago.

But that is all conjecture.


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## Lostandconfused (Jul 6, 2009)

JamesM said:


> Let's look at it objectively as if you were talking to someone else.
> 
> Person has a marriage that is not good.
> Person is pregnant.
> ...


:iagree: 

I also agree with James that all of the questions regarding precautions and why they got married are moot at this point. They are married regardless of why, she is pregnant right now. The only point that I don't agree with James on is that INoF09 stated that her hubby NEVER wanted children to begin with.

The real question becomes what can INoF09 live with in a healthy way both physically and emotionally. Personally, I don't see how aborting this baby will heal the marriage nor from what INoF09 states that she will be healthy emotionally if she does. 

INoF09, you've said that you will be devastated and I believe you. IMO, you should remain true to your beliefs and do what is right for you AND the baby in regards to refusing to abort the baby. Abortion is an irreversable action that has a lifelong effect. Also, please take a good, long look at whether you're accepting your husbands need for as many girlfriends as possible is healthy for you and ALL of your children. By flaunting these relationships and his striving to make them more than merely friendships to make you jealous and dig at you, he is showing great disrepect for you as a woman, your feelings, AND your marriage vows.

I'm not one to immediately advise divorce so I would hope that you two can seek counseling and resolve the issues between you. If you cannot resolve them, and if your husband will not or cannot change his need for other women and his lack of responsibility and care for your children then he can be divorced much easier, imo, than continuing to live in these circumstances. You AND your children (all 4 btw) deserve better than this. You are worth it and so are they. 

Please take care of you.
Lost


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## foolz1 (Sep 5, 2009)

Mommy22 makes a good point; although I know that I could never give my child away, I do believe that adoption would be the preferred solution, rather than having an abortion.

I wish you the very best in determining your decision.


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## dobo (Jun 30, 2009)

This guy doesn't love her. But he doesn't mind having unprotected sex with her... and who knows who else. 

Leave him. He's not really a husband anyway.


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