# Why do people naturally assume



## Altair (Sep 16, 2016)

That the story they are hearing is true?

The person who writes it is always nice and always right and the person who isn't here is always the b***h and is so horrible. 

Its funny how that works isn't it?


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## Altair (Sep 16, 2016)

Evinrude58 said:


> And I can verify that Altair is my ex, I know how she thinks. And that's pretty awful for her to come snooping around for me and finding out about my life. Moderator, please delete my thread.
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


Here is an example. 

People don't expect to be challenged by people they badmouth. 

Well sometimes they find out!



Evinrude58 said:


> I bought this woman a 2carat diamond ring and told her I couldn't wait to marry her because I missed her too much every day. I encouraged this wedding more than she did. I have no money left for a wedding. How can I shop for things when someone ekse is paying for them. I'd put a deposit on the reception site and beach wedding site.
> You have no idea how much I love this woman.
> I did want to marry her. I hide nothing from her.
> Not even this site. I do nothing she doesn't know about. I do waste too much time here. She's right.
> ...



He loves his fiance but he won't help her with the wedding plans.

AT ALL.

Yet he wonder why she's so angry.

Really?


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

I'd love to hear your version of me.
Pull out the popcorn, people.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## 225985 (Dec 29, 2015)

Altair said:


> That the story they are hearing is true?
> 
> 
> 
> ...




Because normally it is true. They are horrible. That is why the other comes here for help.

It hurts the read the truth.


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## Guth (Oct 23, 2015)

I posted here about leaving my wife and frankly I am playing the bad actor because it's me leaving. I was expecting to be attacked, as online forums can be so brutal. However I got generally supportive comments and that was appreciated so much. The general spirit of the forum is to support whoever is posting rather than play advocate of their partner.


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

Altair said:


> That the story they are hearing is true?
> 
> The person who writes it is always nice and always right and the person who isn't here is always the b***h and is so horrible.
> 
> Its funny how that works isn't it?


They don't. 
Actually many of us try to keep aware of the fact that there are often three sides to a story. In many cases, posters actively encourage an invitation be sent to the absent party. 

But if you *assume* that every thread only cares about the OPs side, then I can see why you'd post this obvious attempt at a shytstir.


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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

If what I read in the other thread is correct this person is on a 3 day vacay.

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## Sbrown (Jul 29, 2012)

But we are not assuming anything by taking the op at their word. It would be an assumption to believe the op is lying or not being completely forthcoming. 

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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Altair said:


> That the story they are hearing is true?
> 
> The person who writes it is always nice and always right and the person who isn't here is always the b***h and is so horrible.
> 
> Its funny how that works isn't it?



I find in real life quite the opposite. There's the whole "there's two sides to every story" routine until........ I pull out one example of bad behaviour by the subject of my rant that hits the listeners' raw nerves and then they're on board with me or at least partially.

I put it down to how everyone wants to look open minded. But when it's a situation that affects them more directly, it then becomes "but this time it's different." 

I started going to a therapist as my husband says I ask too often about how the world works. I've noticed now after only two sessions, I talked about a situation in which she tried to remain on the fence with, Then I gave her an example of that behaviour that could encounter in her life and I got the wide eyed deer in the headlights look from her.


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## Daisy12 (Jul 10, 2016)

I think the people who really truly come here for help tell the complete truth. Sometimes it take a whole bunch of Internet stranger to get you to really see things how they really are. They have no loyalty to you like friends and family's so they won't bullsh*t you and have been through the very things you are going through. That is what I needed I had no one to relate to and no idea how to deal with my situation. The advice I got here, though some was not very easy to hear, has helped me.

But on the other hand some of these stories are pretty out there and I question myself if they are true or not.


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## NextTimeAround (Dec 15, 2011)

Daisy12 said:


> *I think the people who really truly come here for help tell the complete truth.* Sometimes it take a whole bunch of Internet stranger to get you to really see things how they really are. They have no loyalty to you like friends and family's so they won't bullsh*t you and have been through the very things you are going through. That is what I needed I had no one to relate to and no idea how to deal with my situation. The advice I got here, though some was not very easy to hear, has helped me.
> 
> But on the other hand some of these stories are pretty out there and I question myself if they are true or not.



That's possible. Some people may not even know / realise what's important / indicative and what's not. We're constantly told that when someone raises their voice / makes some weird gesticulation / makes a rude remark / whatever, we're quite often told that that means nothing. they were just having a bad day or something.....

So if that same person were to do the same to someone else, they may assume that that detail is not important......


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## Herschel (Mar 27, 2016)

Mostly, it's the truth as they believe it. But everything in life is about perspective. Just the fact you are here shows you have interest in trying to resolve something in your life.


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## Joey2k (Oct 3, 2014)

Herschel said:


> Mostly, it's the truth as they believe it. But everything in life is about perspective. Just the fact you are here shows you have interest in trying to resolve something in your life.


This. This is how it's possible for both people in a damaged relationship to feel like victims.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

I don't think they do. We tend to respond according to our own experiences, emotions at the time and personal observations about a particular situation. Which is why there is often varied responses that sometimes will be helpful and other times has no resemblance of reality.

I remember starting a thread regarding a bitter argument I was having with my H and the responses were very much 50/50 about who was right who was wrong. Some of the responses filled in so many gaps and made so many assumptions I was pretty much the devil himself. I was so indignant that I showed my husband the thread to which he looked at me and burst out laughing. TAM posters are generally people of good intentions who post according to their own issues past and present. That is sometimes the only way we can empathize to a certain situation.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

FWIW, the overall demeanor and tone communicated in her posts gives me the impression that she's every bit as horrible as @Evinrude58 has described her.

Plus she's a serial wayward, right?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## KillerClown (Jul 20, 2016)

I don't like to assume that anybody asking for advice from strangers on a forum would purposely make up stories. I'd like to think that they are presenting at least what they perceive to be the truth. It's hard to begin a thought process if I believe all information presented is unreliable. 

I can however read between the lines and try to glean unstated insights.


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> FWIW, the overall demeanor and tone communicated in her posts gives me the impression that she's every bit as horrible as @Evinrude58 has described her.
> 
> Plus she's a serial wayward, right?
> _Posted via Mobile Device_


I guess I'm in the minority. I have always thought it was his fiance not his exW.



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## Miss Independent (Mar 24, 2014)

.


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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lucy999 said:


> I guess I'm in the minority. I have always thought it was his fiance not his exW.


Ah... I hadn't thought of that.

So I guess they broke up?

(I hadn't been following his thread too closely.)
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## lucy999 (Sep 28, 2014)

GusPolinski said:


> Ah... I hadn't thought of that.
> 
> So I guess they broke up?
> 
> ...


Jury's still out. 



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## GusPolinski (Jan 21, 2014)

lucy999 said:


> Jury's still out.


When he said "ex", I figured he was referring to his ex-wife.

Either way, many have advised him that he's not ready to remarry.

Sad all around.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## tropicalbeachiwish (Jun 1, 2016)

I had thought she confirmed that she was the ex-wife, not the fiance. Regardless, her postings took a turn for the worse pretty quickly. It made her look bad. 

Anyhow, I know full well that OP (for any thread) usually leaves out alot of information. When people start asking specific questions then we start getting a better picture. Still, there are 3 sides to each story. 

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