# Marriage without sex for 15 years.



## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

I was raised sexually hostile as a teeanger and young man, uptight, timid and shy. To speak to a woman was absolutely impossible or if I was so insecure, cramped and speechless that I always was rejected. And all of that even though I was very sporty with a great figure and good-looking. At 29, a 56 year old women seduced me and the ice was broken, i.e. I was deflowered. Then at 30 I had my first girlfriend, 10 years younger but more than three times as much sexual experience and she kept me on a short leash. That means 6 years only the same boring sex. After the separation, let off steam for a short time without any significant sexual development and without rejections of women that I really liked. So I started a reasoning relationship and had bad sex for about 7 years because my wife is not necessarily my (sexual) type. I love my wife very much and we have a harmonious marriage with two children, but she is and never was - let's say the sex symbol - for me. On the contrary, the women who turn me on are "dominant", which of course is hell for a freedom-loving person like me in everyday life. More than 20 years of disappointments before my marriage confirm this. After all, I have two children with my wife, but after the born of the second child sex was totally gone. Cheating is also not my thing - too stressful and I don't want to endanger my marriage either. Whores disgust me. I don't know if my wife has another. I don't think so. It would help if she optically straightened out a bit in the direction of femme fatale / Vamp with appropriate clothing, jewelry and make-up. But in this regard, she doesn't do anything at all, no sexy dress or skirt, not even a finger ring or eye pencil. Do I have a fetish ?? She is a Dr. in physics and didn't have it with the "woman" - sexually. She still wants sex, but I just can't get it up, not even with Viagra. What to do ? So now I am chronically depressed and take 2 antidepressants that block my potency even more, plus beta blockers for high blood pressure = same. So almost impotent. My sexual life seems to be over for ever. The need is still there mentally but I don't think I have any chances anymore because I still get a rejection from the women who I like or fall in love with. I'm grateful for every tip! Sorry for my English. I am not a native speaker.


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## TJW (Mar 20, 2012)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> What to do ?


See a doctor. The antidepressants can really kill things, but make sure they are the root cause. What worries me is that you have high blood pressure and ED. ED is often a warning sign for impending coronary-artery or peripheral-vascular disease, and hypertension is a major risk factor. There is also an antidepressant, bupropion, which many people find satisfactory, and which does not interfere with sexuality.

And, give your wife sex, whether you get erect or not. It doesn't matter that your wife is not your "type". Enjoy your good marriage and your good life with your wife and your children.

That's my advice.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

Have you and your wife considered a sex therapist?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

TJW said:


> See a doctor. The antidepressants can really kill things, but make sure they are the root cause. What worries me is that you have high blood pressure and ED. ED is often a warning sign for impending coronary-artery or peripheral-vascular disease, and hypertension is a major risk factor. There is also an antidepressant, bupropion, which many people find satisfactory, and which does not interfere with sexuality.
> 
> And, give your wife sex, whether you get erect or not. It doesn't matter that your wife is not your "type". Enjoy your good marriage and your good life with your wife and your children.
> 
> That's my advice.


I have been with various medical specialists, including cardiologists and psychiatrists, and in psychotherapy with psychologists for 40 years. I am physically fit for my age, but not mentally. If I could stop taking the antidepressants and have other women for sex, it would work again. Not like at 30, but I can still masturbate sometimes. 

I can't give my wife sex, everything in me resists it.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

aine said:


> Have you and your wife considered a sex therapist?


 3 times and it helped nothing.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I can't give my wife sex, everything in me resists it.





JTK-NCC1701 said:


> 3 times and it helped nothing.


So first off, three sessions with a therapist is not enough. It takes a lot longer than that AND you have to be 100% committed to it. I don't think you were. If you go into the sessions thinking the therapy won't work, then it won't work!

Years and years ago I did sex therapy with my wife. She dragged me there, I didn't want to be there, and didn't want to participate, and guess what? It didn't help at all. If I would have put in an effort, it would have helped. 

If you are so repulsed by your wife then _let her go_.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Find a chick that you dig and that is attracted to you and you won't need antidepressants.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

How's your Ws weight and build?

Along the lines are you attracted to her physically if she would (vamp out a bit) (these are your words) ?

Starting from there.

If you've been going to individual counseling for 20 plus years, you may have gone enough solo. You could probably teach others at this point.

You may benefit by allowing yourself to feel that it's ok to move through and past some of those older problems.

The M sounds good, if the sex part can get the lion's share of effort to resolve.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I have been with various medical specialists, including cardiologists and psychiatrists, and in psychotherapy with psychologists for 40 years. I am physically fit for my age, but not mentally. If I could stop taking the antidepressants and have other women for sex, it would work again. Not like at 30, but I can still masturbate sometimes.
> 
> I can't give my wife sex, everything in me resists it.


What specifically and exactly repulses you? Be exact.

Then, what exactly would work for you if she did. 
Be exact.

If nothing, nothing, nothing, then address that problem. Because it will take a whole different set of actions to get yourself into a life you want.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Maybe you could start by remembering or focusing on one thing that turns you on about her?

Maybe her flowing locks, pouty lips, round derrière, long legs, etc.. you get the idea.Just mull that one attribute over and sit with it. Don’t let all her shortcomings or your resentments take over.

Get off the pharmaceuticals and start getting some daily fresh air and exercise. Weight training, physical labor, or combat sports will boost your testosterone.

In a couple weeks... think about another sexy thing about her to ponder. Rinse and repeat.

This lady has bore you children after all... isn’t that about as sexy as you can get? I mean she’s given herself, completely... hope you haven’t torpedoed her faith in you.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

bobert said:


> So first off, three sessions with a therapist is not enough. It takes a lot longer than that AND you have to be 100% committed to it. I don't think you were. If you go into the sessions thinking the therapy won't work, then it won't work!
> 
> Years and years ago I did sex therapy with my wife. She dragged me there, I didn't want to be there, and didn't want to participate, and guess what? It didn't help at all. If I would have put in an effort, it would have helped.
> 
> If you are so repulsed by your wife then _let her go_.


 I meant 3 therapies ! I didn't help. I guess without the kids and the house an 20 years younger we would separate.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> How's your Ws weight and build?
> 
> Along the lines are you attracted to her physically if she would (vamp out a bit) (these are your words) ?
> 
> ...


As I said she ist sexually not my type BUT the best wife I can imagine. I would help if she would style and dress herself but this is a absolute NO GO for her.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

And what does your wife have to say about this ???


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> Maybe you could start by remembering or focusing on one thing that turns you on about her?
> 
> Maybe her flowing locks, pouty lips, round derrière, long legs, etc.. you get the idea.Just mull that one attribute over and sit with it. Don’t let all her shortcomings or your resentments take over.
> 
> ...



She never was my type sexually. I made 25 years the experience that the women which I sexually prefer are the exact opposite of a good wife and mother. You know Catholic like we only see the holy virgin or the *****.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Mr.Married said:


> And what does your wife have to say about this ???


She is not happy with this but still not willing to use sexy clothes and make up.


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I meant 3 therapies ! I didn't help. I guess without the kids and the house an 20 years younger we would separate.


You saw 3 different therapists? Or you went to therapy 3 times?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

bobert said:


> You saw 3 different therapists? Or you went to therapy 3 times?


 Both.


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> She is not happy with this but still not willing to use sexy clothes and make up.


Well .... if my wife wore a potato sack, no make up, and didn’t fix her hair I would still want to have sex with her every day. There is more to me wanting my wife than just her visual self (but she is pretty hot 😉)

Maybe you should look in the mirror.

There is something else going on... and it isn’t all about her.

Just my opinion


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## bobert (Nov 22, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Both.


You need to stick with one therapist a lot longer than one session. Seeing three therapists one time each really won't help at all.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

bobert said:


> You need to stick with one therapist a lot longer than one session. Seeing three therapists one time each really won't help at all.


 No. 3 therapies each about 100 hour with 3 different Coaches.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

You’ve had sexual disorders and issues from square one. This is something inside of you. It’s something that you need to address and deal with within yourself. 

As long as your sexual “type” are not minors or people otherwise unable to give consent, you are a grown adult and a free man and able to pursue that which you believe is best for you. 

As long as it it with legal, consenting adults and no one is being harmed, if you need to get down with killer clowns, strippers, crack ho’s, dudes with green eyes and purple mustaches or circus midgets or whatever, the choice is yours. 

Your obligations are to offer a fair and equitable settlement to your wife and continue to provide support for your children. 

Other than that, it is a free market place.

My suggestion is to seek professional therapy of your own to come to terms with your own sexuality and pursue that which fits your own well being.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Mr.Married said:


> Well .... if my wife wore a potato sack, no make up, and didn’t fix her hair I would still want to have sex with her every day. There is more to me wanting my wife than just her visual self (but she is pretty hot 😉)
> 
> Maybe you should look in the mirror.
> 
> ...


OP,

At this point the choice should be hers. Your Ws I mean.

If you can't build yourself and get across a peace encouraging bridge to have sex with her then it may be best to help her, and you, find a way to separate. 

Only you know best.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> As I said she ist sexually not my type BUT the best wife I can imagine.


When someone says their spouse is a great W/H but they aren’t tickling their fancy sexually, what they are really saying is their spouse is a decent, responsible adult and a good, living parent but that they aren’t sexually attracted to them or they aren’t sexually compatible and they aren’t tripping their trigger. 

You both have a right to seek happiness and well being. She deserves to be with someone that cherished and desires her and you have the right to pursue the kind of people that you desire as well.

So here’s the thing - she will continue to be a decent, responsible adult and good, loving parent even if you divorce.

And I am assuming you are in your upper 40s/early 50s by now so it’s not like you are wanting to have more kids and another family, so it doesn’t matter if your next woman is a responsible adult or good parent or not. 

If you want to get with a stripper or the town ho, that is fair game. 

You’ve had the decent wife and mother and you have raised children, so as long as you continue to provide support to the children you fathered, you have a right to seek women you find more attractive and desirable. 

Then she will be able to find someone that desires and cherishes her as well And isn’t only with her because she keeps the house clean and the children clean and fed.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

I'll add this to my last post as well - romance/sexuality/desire are what makes our special someone special and separates that relationship from all others. 

Without sexuality/desire, that person is just a friend or a roommate or someone that you share a house and help haul kids around with.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

It would very helpful if my wife would be a good actress like the women in this clip.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> She never was my type sexually. I made 25 years the experience that the women which I sexually prefer are the exact opposite of a good wife and mother. You know Catholic like we only see the holy virgin or the ***.


Dawg, I was an adjunct male escort for a number of years, I read your post and can boil it down for you. You have little appreciation for the opposite sex and know even less about what makes them tick. The reason you're kicked to the curb by the women you go for is because they have a six sense about your expectation; you want them strictly for the tingle you get in your balls. They are nothing more to you than the boost of ego and excitement you get when you have them stripped necked in the sack. Deep down youre ready to cashier your wife when a someone hotter comes along and sings you a song. I spent a lot of time with women whose husband's had the same attitude as you about their wives. You're like a guy with $2,500 dollars invested in a fly rod, reel, and balanced line, always blaming the equipment for the tailing loop in your leader.
Watch out my man. If you ain't careful, your wife may seek to find out if she's aint as much of a dud in the sack as you make her out to be. That's where men wanting a no strings, FWB are eager step in and help her out.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

VladDracul said:


> Dawg, I was an adjunct male escort for a number of years, I read your post and can boil it down for you. You have little appreciation for the opposite sex and know even less about what makes them tick. The reason you're kicked to the curb by the women you go for is because they have a six sense about your expectation; you want them strictly for the tingle you get in your balls. They are nothing more to you than the boost of ego and excitement you get when you have them stripped necked in the sack. Deep down youre ready to cashier your wife when a someone hotter comes along and sings you a song. I spent a lot of time with women whose husband's had the same attitude as you about their wives. You're like a guy with $2,500 dollars invested in a fly rod, reel, and balanced line, always blaming the equipment for the tailing loop in your leader.
> Watch out my man. If you ain't careful, your wife may seek to find out if she's as much of a dud in the sack as you make her out to be. That's where men wanting a no strings, FWB are eager step in and help her out.


Well......you may right about me....... On the other hand as a teenager and young man I was a totally romantic dreamy nice guy who watched too much Hollywood love movies and was ALWAYS rejected by women. The women ALL got laid by alpha assholes. 

Anyway........I am married for 22 years and raised the kids as the primary caregiver while my wife is the breadwinner of the family. Our marriage works fine.....excpet when it comes to (romantic) love and sex. I guess I love her in a platonic way. 

I suspect that the romantic (and sexual love) that has only existed in the West for about 200 years and that has been massively promoted by Hollywood and pop music is not sufficient for a long stable marriage as you can see from the separation rates. In ancient cultures it was more factual and reasonable. 

We are in our mid 50s and so a divorce doesn't make sense.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

There isn’t one thing about her you find sexy?

I could easily list a hundred things about my wife so am a bit shocked you just dismiss your wife as not your type.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Well......you may right about me....... On the other hand as a teenager and young man I was a totally romantic dreamy nice guy who watched too much Hollywood love movies and was ALWAYS rejected by women. The women ALL got laid by alpha assholes.
> 
> Anyway........I am married for 22 years and raised the kids as the primary caregiver while my wife is the breadwinner of the family. Our marriage works fine.....excpet when it comes to (romantic) love and sex. I guess I love her in a platonic way.
> 
> ...


So your wife is the breadwinner and you wear the apron and dream of romantic love and attention (not unlike many wives imo). Your wife sounds like she is no nonsense type because she has to be, after carrying and giving birth to 3 kids, supporting a family and husband financially as the main breadwinner. You sound lazy and self centred. It is all about you, you want someone to provide for you, someone to be a vamp in bed for you, someone to be romantic for you, why don't you get over yourself and see what exactly is it about you that is attractive to your wife. I will be very honest few women are attracted to wimpy, romantic men, who do not carry their weight financially. Do you do all the housework, take care of kids, etc or does she have to come home and do that too? Maybe that is the place to start.
Why doesn't a divorce make sense? It make sense for your wife who can meet her equal, a man who brings value to her life and who doesn't depend on her for everything. It does not make sense to you cause then you might have to go out and get a job and live in the real world.


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## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Our marriage works fine.....excpet when it comes to (romantic) love and sex. I guess I love her in a platonic way.


Your wife's got the same plumbing as the chick in the video you posted. If you're in a 15 year marriage without sex, I can virtually assure you that your traveling solo.


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> She never was my type usexually. I made 25 years the experience that the women which I sexually prefer are the exact opposite of a good wife and mother. You know Catholic like we only see the holy virgin or the ***.


I prefer the good woman type (like my wife) where it has a been my honored privilege to unlock her “secrets“ and has taken decades (still unlocking).

Are you watching too much porn? I only ask because your desire for anything other than your wife seems unnatural... deviant (no disrespect intended).

I think the post by @aien above is interesting... perhaps you despise her because she doesn’t respect you... perhaps this flip flop of roles is just too unnatural that a marriage can survive. I’d go nuts if I were home with kids and housework all day. I could imagine my wife would be pissed if she were the breadwinner- especially since I know I’d be phenomenally bad as a stay at home dad.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

I can sum your issue up with what I am going to put in bold type: *she doesn't respect you.*
Women (at least subliminally) want men to fill the traditional role, being the breadwinner, portraying and fulfilling the alpha male role.
You just aren't doing that. She gives birth to the kids, she earns the living, and comes home to a househusband.
That is fine for a short lived role, as unforeseen life and career conditions dictate. However as a life style? I don't think that bodes well for you.
As for your lack of sex, I feel for you. I went seven years and had sex three times with my wife (my story is on here if you want to read it.) I was the breadwinner in a high stress professional job, while she was a part time nurse. I made things too comfortable for her, and was too selfless and was attuned to her "Needs" until she pushed her luck too much and my rubber band snapped. She not only got an ultimatum, she knew me well enough to know that I was more than ready to walk the talk. Within one week, I had more affection than I had in the previous seven years, along with an attitude change and many remorseful, tearful apologies from her regarding what she did to us. The key in my situation was that I was able to do it* from a position of strength.*
You have a great deal of work to do on yourself if you hope to change this.
You need to invest in yourself. You need therapy with the right specialist. Do some serious homework and find them. You need to get yourself in shape (gym, new clothes, etc.) You need to work on a career. If you need skills, go get some. If you have some, you need to sort out how to present them so that you can gain employment and have a successful career. You need to present yourself in a manner that makes your wife concerned (this works, ask me how I know.)
In your case, I'll go one step further: you need a life coach. You need someone who can help you get your s**t sorted, and can help you become the best person you can be.
The best way to deal with your plight in life is to deal from a position of strength, instead of a position of weakness.


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

VladDracul said:


> Dawg, I was an *adjunct male escort* for a number of years....


I'm sorry, I just have to ask...what is THIS...??


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> There isn’t one thing about her you find sexy?
> 
> I could easily list a hundred things about my wife so am a bit shocked you just dismiss your wife as not your type.


To be honest: No.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

aine said:


> So your wife is the breadwinner and you wear the apron and dream of romantic love and attention (not unlike many wives imo). Your wife sounds like she is no nonsense type because she has to be, after carrying and giving birth to 3 kids, supporting a family and husband financially as the main breadwinner. You sound lazy and self centred. It is all about you, you want someone to provide for you, someone to be a vamp in bed for you, someone to be romantic for you, why don't you get over yourself and see what exactly is it about you that is attractive to your wife. I will be very honest few women are attracted to wimpy, romantic men, who do not carry their weight financially. Do you do all the housework, take care of kids, etc or does she have to come home and do that too? Maybe that is the place to start.
> Why doesn't a divorce make sense? It make sense for your wife who can meet her equal, a man who brings value to her life and who doesn't depend on her for everything. It does not make sense to you cause then you might have to go out and get a job and live in the real world.


It's all about equality and emancipation of men, especial fathers. What I am doing for the last 20 years is what wifes and housewifes did always. So a divorce would be expensive for my wife. 

I am a MRA.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> I can sum your issue up with what I am going to put in bold type: *she doesn't respect you.*
> Women (at least subliminally) want men to fill the traditional role, being the breadwinner, portraying and fulfilling the alpha male role.
> You just aren't doing that. She gives birth to the kids, she earns the living, and comes home to a househusband.
> That is fine for a short lived role, as unforeseen life and career conditions dictate. However as a life style? I don't think that bodes well for you.
> ...


Thank you. You are probably right about my wife and I guess we don´t respect each other. In her view I am not am real man and in my view she ist not a real women. I am still in shape, because I am teaching Martial Arts for 30 Years but I will not go back to an office job. That was the job I did 20 years before I became a stay at home dad. I prefer to stay at home, because as a MRA am fighting for equality and emancipation.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

CatholicDad said:


> I prefer the good woman type (like my wife) where it has a been my honored privilege to unlock her “secrets“ and has taken decades (still unlocking).
> 
> Are you watching too much porn? I only ask because your desire for anything other than your wife seems unnatural... deviant (no disrespect intended).
> 
> I think the post by @aien above is interesting... perhaps you despise her because she doesn’t respect you... perhaps this flip flop of roles is just too unnatural that a marriage can survive. I’d go nuts if I were home with kids and housework all day. I could imagine my wife would be pissed if she were the breadwinner- especially since I know I’d be phenomenally bad as a stay at home dad.


 Yes, I masturbate twice a week using porn.


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Thank you. You are probably right about my wife and I guess we don´t respect each other. In her view I am not am real man and in my view she ist not a real women. I am still in shape, because I am teaching Martial Arts for 30 Years but I will not go back to an office job. That was the job I did 20 years before I became a stay at home dad. I prefer to stay at home, because as a MRA am fighting for equality and emancipation.


Do you teach for someone or do you own your own business?
If the latter is the case, you may be in the catbird seat.
Do you make enough that you could support yourself the kids if you left your wife?
What if you delegated more household responsibility to your wife and invested the time to your craft, how much could you advance your earning potential? Enough so that you could engineer a separation from her?
I know enough about Martial Arts to know that mental toughness is a key part of it. Your wife needs to become familiar with that and be on the receiving end of that.
I don't really know if you want to save your relationship or not, but either way you need to start distancing yourself from your current role. Be a great Dad, but make sure she does her part as a Mom.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Tdbo said:


> Do you teach for someone or do you own your own business?
> If the latter is the case, you may be in the catbird seat.
> Do you make enough that you could support yourself the kids if you left your wife?
> What if you delegated more household responsibility to your wife and invested the time to your craft, how much could you advance your earning potential? Enough so that you could engineer a separation from her?
> ...


Thank you for your advice. I am teaching twice a week in a Sportschool Muay Thai and Krav Maga. The earning is far to less make a living out of it. But I will not divorce. I know enough about women and I am fine with my wife. It only would be great if I could also have an affair once in a while.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

The Men´s and father´s rights activist and Psychologist Dr. Warren Farrell about love in our time. Brilliant !!


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## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

LisaDiane said:


> I'm sorry, I just have to ask...what is THIS...??


It’s exactly what it sounds like.
Vlad is the political swagger dagger 😜


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## LisaDiane (Jul 22, 2019)

Mr.Married said:


> It’s exactly what it sounds like.
> Vlad is the political swagger dagger 😜


Lolol!!! I know you are trying to clear things up for me with your answer, but you kind of only ADDED to my confusion...


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## Tdbo (Sep 8, 2019)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Thank you for your advice. I am teaching twice a week in a Sportschool Muay Thai and Krav Maga. The earning is far to less make a living out of it. But I will not divorce. I know enough about women and I am fine with my wife. It only would be great if I could also have an affair once in a while.


Obviously, having an affair would be the worst possible thing you could do.
You need to do enough to move the power dynamic in your relationship.
If you can get income to rise enough to get her attention, tweak up your look some, distance yourself enough to get her attention, she will start to think that you have options.
Options=power. If you have options, she loses control.
Move the needle. You will probably notice a difference.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

What’s an MRA?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

The reason your wife doesn’t dress up and be sexy and be seductive like the porn actresses you admire is because she doesn’t see YOU as a sexually desirable man.

No one said life is fair, but not many women can respect a househusband as a sexually desirable man. 

Women may say they want a man that devotes himself to the house and children and on a platonic level they may even like it and appreciate it.

But on a deep instinctive level, they see them as a nanny and babysitter and sister and women do not sexually desire the maid, nanny or sister. 

She will no more dress up in sexy lingerie and make up and seduce you than she would for a frumpy maid. 

So you basically have this backwards and are the pot calling the kettle black. It’s not that you don’t desire her. You would gladly make love to her if given the green light. 

But the reason she appears asexual to you is that she has no respect or desire for you and she is sexually inert around you.

Vlad above is correct, she may be a hot tigress for someone else and may go full vamp for him and turn him inside out. 

This is a YOU issue. You need to bump up your masculinity and manhood many times over and adopt a more masculine role in your life and family.


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## nekonamida (Feb 21, 2017)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Thank you for your advice. I am teaching twice a week in a Sportschool Muay Thai and Krav Maga. The earning is far to less make a living out of it. But I will not divorce. I know enough about women and I am fine with my wife. It only would be great if I could also have an affair once in a while.


So you don't want a divorce but you wish you could engage in an activity that usually leads to divorce? And how sure are you that your wife won't dump you for an upgrade? You're not contributing much financially. You're not fulfilling her romantic and sexual needs. She's probably got one foot out the door already and is asking herself the same things.

Have you been honest with her about how you're not attracted to her? Maybe she'd be willing to have an open marriage with you or she'll be strong enough to do what's best for her when she knows the truth.


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> It's all about equality and emancipation of men, especial fathers. What I am doing for the last 20 years is what wifes and housewifes did always. So a divorce would be expensive for my wife.
> 
> I am a MRA.


MRA= Mens Rights Activist? How is that working out for you? It doesn't seem to have?

I assume your wife is getting her emotional needs met through her high powered career. How did you two meet? How is your relationship with your kids? have you discussed any of this with your wife?
A number one need for women is security and quality time. Do you provide those?
I think you are and your wife are not compatible, you don't respect one another nor make any effort for one another. I think you did respect her but seeing as she thinks little of you, you have fallen into the same mode and around it goes. That is a recipe for disaster. Is it possible to get it back, I think so, but requires work on both parts.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> What’s an MRA?


 Men´s right's activist


----------



## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> The reason your wife doesn’t dress up and be sexy and be seductive like the porn actresses you admire is because she doesn’t see YOU as a sexually desirable man.
> 
> No one said life is fair, but not many women can respect a househusband as a sexually desirable man.
> 
> ...


No, I won´t change my life unless she divorces me and pay alimony because at my age I will not find ja job anymore. I hope you are right and she is not sexually interested in me as I am not in her, because than I have my peace. I am always around women and maybe.....who knows - I will have an affair. There were many women who wanted sex with, but the were in their late 30s and wanted a baby. Not with me !!


----------



## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

nekonamida said:


> So you don't want a divorce but you wish you could engage in an activity that usually leads to divorce? And how sure are you that your wife won't dump you for an upgrade? You're not contributing much financially. You're not fulfilling her romantic and sexual needs. She's probably got one foot out the door already and is asking herself the same things.
> 
> Have you been honest with her about how you're not attracted to her? Maybe she'd be willing to have an open marriage with you or she'll be strong enough to do what's best for her when she knows the truth.


She has no sexual market value at age 55, overweight with two kids and if she divorces me she has to pay alimony to me.


----------



## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

aine said:


> MRA= Mens Rights Activist? How is that working out for you? It doesn't seem to have?
> 
> I assume your wife is getting her emotional needs met through her high powered career. How did you two meet? How is your relationship with your kids? have you discussed any of this with your wife?
> A number one need for women is security and quality time. Do you provide those?
> I think you are and your wife are not compatible, you don't respect one another nor make any effort for one another. I think you did respect her but seeing as she thinks little of you, you have fallen into the same mode and around it goes. That is a recipe for disaster. Is it possible to get it back, I think so, but requires work on both parts.


At least I have saved my fathers rights in our family law matriarchy. That was my goal.


----------



## VladDracul (Jun 17, 2016)

JTK, what are you hoping to glean from this conversation?


----------



## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

VladDracul said:


> JTK, what are you hoping to glean from this conversation?


 Nothing special. Just discussion.


----------



## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> No, I won´t change my life unless she divorces me and pay alimony because at my age I will not find ja job anymore.


If you live in Germany, good luck with getting anything beyond spousal support for a year, during the cooling off separation period pending the divorce. Since generally German courts favour personal responsibility post divorce.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Personal said:


> If you live in Germany, good luck with getting anything beyond spousal support for a year, during the cooling off separation period pending the divorce. Since generally German courts favour personal responsibility post divorce.


 Not when I am not able to work. I already had two heart attacks.


----------



## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Thank you for your advice. I am teaching twice a week in a Sportschool Muay Thai and Krav Maga. The earning is far to less make a living out of it. But I will not divorce. I know enough about women and I am fine with my wife. It only would be great if I could also have an affair once in a while.


OP,

The bolded above is extremely telling that if something doesn't change in the dynamics between you and W - there will eventually be too much resentment built up between you two that divorce will be certain in your future. 

Either requested by her, or you, at some point as life goes on.

You and hopefully her pondering on this now may be the only hope to head it off and it's good you're at least recognizing signs of troubles now.

At the least, you must become financially independent for your own protection and that's a must in the terrible development of future split.

That's the only way you'll be able to have your kids in a divorced life, by showing you could care for them.

The big perk is that the more independent you become the more attractive you'll be to your W so that accomplishment has only pluses, no matter what happens.

Besides, what person (you in this case) wants to be forever aware they depend on another for sustenance? And not self sufficient?

There are many non-office ways to make a living.

There will be paperwork but a necessary evil, so get over that, accept that part.

And it's perfectly normal and acceptable to insist you gain more time for your own endeavors from Ws schedule. Standing up for this activity will only be a plus.

For your marriage's sake, gain some independence. You can do it.


----------



## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

it is so easy...........









Women are unrecognisable in racy boudoir shoot


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www.dailymail.co.uk


----------



## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

I think you should step away from the fantasy world of porn and affair dreams (or whatever you call it) and come back down to earth. Sure, your wife ain’t in her twenties and perhaps won’t perform like the fit vamp porn queens you admire but I imagine she has beautiful and sexy qualities like virtually all women have... I mean you never said she was ugly. I mean how overweight is she? Feminine curves are good, right?

Persisting in fantasy is only going to destroy your marriage and hurt your kids..

If you didn’t know your wife and ran into her dressed up out in the world- would you want her? If she were in some funky lingerie- would you want her? If you say yes to these questions it seems like there is something to work with here.


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## Spicy (Jun 18, 2016)

I wonder who _she _has been having sex with for 15 years?


----------



## heartsbeating (May 2, 2011)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> It would very helpful if my wife would be a good actress like the women in this clip.


The only thing that changed in the advert was the dude's perception.


----------



## Mr.Married (Feb 21, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Not when I am not able to work. I already had two heart attacks.


I’m with a bit of certainty she is hoping the third is the final.

Edit: Or when she does sexually pursue you it will be to **** you to death


----------



## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> She has no sexual market value at age 55, overweight with two kids and if she divorces me she has to pay alimony to me.


This comment is very telling. You don't really think much of your wife the way you talk about her. You may not have to verbalize it but I am sure it shows in your actions, why would she want to have sex with you? Are you a sexual prize at 50+? Although she would have stopped having sex with you at the age of 40, wonder why? You resent her but still expect her to be a vamp for you, you have serious issues. I would suggest you look inside youself first and see what is it about you that needs to change first. So if you continue with her or without her, at least you will be a better man.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Never marry a woman you are not sexually attracted to.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I am still in shape, because I am teaching Martial Arts for 30 Years but I will not go back to an office job. That was the job I did 20 years before I became a stay at home dad. I prefer to stay at home





JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I am teaching twice a week in a Sportschool Muay Thai and Krav Maga.


And then there is this:


JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Not when I am not able to work. I already had two heart attacks.


Do you really think you can convince a judge that you can not work? 

You're an everyday, garden variety golddigger. Nothing MRA about that.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Spicy said:


> I wonder who _she _has been having sex with for 15 years?


I guess she has some affairs.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

There's more sexuality on that stage in two minutes than every Beyonce, Nikki Minaj and Katy Perry video combined.
A time when women were women and a man didn't make excuses for his hormones. WTF happened??


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> You're an everyday, garden variety golddigger. Nothing MRA about that.


Well...........it´s about equality. LOL


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## CatholicDad (Oct 30, 2017)

Dude, sounds like you’re now just having fun antagonizing the people who are not offering helpful advice and ignoring those of us that are actually trying to help. Regardless, I hope you will seek out help for your failing marriage and then take strong action. I think you’ll regret letting it fizzle out without a fight.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

Why don't you ask your wife if you can have an open marriage?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> Why don't you ask your wife if you can have an open marriage?


She doesn't want an open relationship, also I think she's having affairs. For me as a man it is not easy to find an affair. The women my age and older are looking for a steady relationship, not an FWB.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> She doesn't want an open relationship, also I think she's having affairs. For me as a man it is not easy to find an affair. The women my age and older are looking for a steady relationship, not an FWB.


If she is having affairs, I'm not surprised she doesn't want one... probably a way to punish you for rejecting her sexually.


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## Blondilocks (Jul 4, 2013)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> There's more sexuality on that stage in two minutes than every Beyonce, Nikki Minaj and Katy Perry video combined.
> A time when women were women and a man didn't make excuses for his hormones. *WTF happened??*


Stay at home dads.


----------



## moon7 (May 5, 2013)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I was raised sexually hostile as a teeanger and young man, uptight, timid and shy. To speak to a woman was absolutely impossible or if I was so insecure, cramped and speechless that I always was rejected. And all of that even though I was very sporty with a great figure and good-looking. At 29, a 56 year old women seduced me and the ice was broken, i.e. I was deflowered. Then at 30 I had my first girlfriend, 10 years younger but more than three times as much sexual experience and she kept me on a short leash. That means 6 years only the same boring sex. After the separation, let off steam for a short time without any significant sexual development and without rejections of women that I really liked. So I started a reasoning relationship and had bad sex for about 7 years because my wife is not necessarily my (sexual) type. I love my wife very much and we have a harmonious marriage with two children, but she is and never was - let's say the sex symbol - for me. On the contrary, the women who turn me on are "dominant", which of course is hell for a freedom-loving person like me in everyday life. More than 20 years of disappointments before my marriage confirm this. After all, I have two children with my wife, but after the born of the second child sex was totally gone. Cheating is also not my thing - too stressful and I don't want to endanger my marriage either. Whores disgust me. I don't know if my wife has another. I don't think so. It would help if she optically straightened out a bit in the direction of femme fatale / Vamp with appropriate clothing, jewelry and make-up. But in this regard, she doesn't do anything at all, no sexy dress or skirt, not even a finger ring or eye pencil. Do I have a fetish ?? She is a Dr. in physics and didn't have it with the "woman" - sexually. She still wants sex, but I just can't get it up, not even with Viagra. What to do ? So now I am chronically depressed and take 2 antidepressants that block my potency even more, plus beta blockers for high blood pressure = same. So almost impotent. My sexual life seems to be over for ever. The need is still there mentally but I don't think I have any chances anymore because I still get a rejection from the women who I like or fall in love with. I'm grateful for every tip! Sorry for my English. I am not a native speaker.


Dude, im getting so fvcking jaded with men in general now.

A woman can NEVER win, aparently.

I bet you isnt a looker either.

You know what? I used to look like Kim Kardashian with a bit less ass and it wasnt enough either.

Apparently if you are a normal woman who does everything for her husband and respect him kill d!ck stamina. High drama b!tch€s have all the fun, while EVERYDAY women have to work.

òó

Im sorry for the rant in your space, im just... This jaded mindset isnt going away.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> If she is having affairs, I'm not surprised she doesn't want one... probably a way to punish you for rejecting her sexually.


Punish me ? I don't give a ****. LOL


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Punish me ? I don't give a ****. LOL


Must be annoying that nobody wants to **** you, then...


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

moon7 said:


> Dude, im getting so fvcking jaded with men in general now.
> 
> A woman can NEVER win, aparently.
> 
> ...


 That´s true. 

That confirms my theory for both men and women. The ideal sex partners are obviously pretty much the opposite of an ideal loyal, trusting long-term partner e.g. Start a family. I love my wife, just platonic.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

In Absentia said:


> Must be annoying that nobody wants to **** you, then...


Yeah, that hurts me so much......perhaps I will jump from a bridge.


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## Casual Observer (Sep 13, 2012)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I don't know if my wife has another. I don't think so.





JTK-NCC1701 said:


> She doesn't want an open relationship, also I think she's having affairs. For me as a man it is not easy to find an affair. The women my age and older are looking for a steady relationship, not an FWB.


You've had a whole lot of years to think about this, but in a day or two on TAM you go from she hasn't had an affair to thinking she has, without the usual TAM chorus suggesting so. You're just kind of drifting between thoughts, and I'm wondering if clarity is even a possibility for you.

Three different therapist over the course of years of depression might not have accomplished anything at all; there is no magic-bullet or certainty in therapy. It takes time, it takes patience, and nobody here can tell you if the problem is that you don't give any one therapist a long enough shot to make things work, or you gave up too soon on finding a therapist that can help you. 

What do you want. I mean, seriously, what is your ultimate goal? Changing your wife to meet your needs isn't going to work because you're a moving target. Who are you?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Casual Observer said:


> What do you want. I mean, seriously, what is your ultimate goal? Changing your wife to meet your needs isn't going to work because you're a moving target. Who are you?


Casual Sex just once in a while. I am just a man........


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

I think to find out what is driving this, fetish or otherwise, you need to just go to a regular psychologist and get to the root of it. Your first line was, "I was raised sexually hostile as a teeanger and young man, uptight, timid and shy." So that's a pretty strong statement about your childhood. Maybe what has developed out of that strongly resembles a fetish, but maybe it's just causing certain mental blocks and limitations that limit in what circumstance you can have sex. Your first was much older. All of that needs to be explored with a psychologist. I suspect you like dominant because it relieves you of having to be the one to initiate, because you made a lot of rejections. But how did you get that way? That goes back to your childhood. Once you find out where it all came from, slowly, you may begin to change. Don't wait until you're too old to do it. 

The psychologist can also then refer you about he meds once you've been assesssed, or may wish to get you off them for a baseline (the ones that don't endanger you to go off).


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

DownByTheRiver said:


> I think to find out what is driving this, fetish or otherwise, you need to just go to a regular psychologist and get to the root of it. Your first line was, "I was raised sexually hostile as a teeanger and young man, uptight, timid and shy." So that's a pretty strong statement about your childhood. Maybe what has developed out of that strongly resembles a fetish, but maybe it's just causing certain mental blocks and limitations that limit in what circumstance you can have sex. Your first was much older. All of that needs to be explored with a psychologist. I suspect you like dominant because it relieves you of having to be the one to initiate, because you made a lot of rejections. But how did you get that way? That goes back to your childhood. Once you find out where it all came from, slowly, you may begin to change. Don't wait until you're too old to do it.
> 
> The psychologist can also then refer you about he meds once you've been assesssed, or may wish to get you off them for a baseline (the ones that don't endanger you to go off).


 Long story short. My mother was a narcistic asshole. To realize that doesn't make me happy and healthy just in one day.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

oldshirt said:


> Find a chick that you dig and that is attracted to you and you won't need antidepressants.


He is a married man with children. He has made committments to them.


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## DownByTheRiver (Jul 2, 2020)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Long story short. My mother was a narcistic asshole. To realize that doesn't make me happy and healthy just in one day.


No it won't, but chances are it's got more facets to it in the more of it you recover and process through, the more it should help. But it is certainly not instantaneous.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

So the root cause of your issues is probably your past. You have fortunate to have a wife and beautiful family so maybe start working on the issues of your childhood with a therapist. Stop using your wife as your punching bag. You can never change anyone else but you can change yourself, your outlook, your future, become the man your wife wants to be sexual with, wants to have a relationship with and spend time with. This change is up to you.
How is your relationship with your kids?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

aine said:


> , become the man your wife wants to be sexual with, wants to have a relationship with and spend time with. This change is up to you.
> How is your relationship with your kids?


My wife could also become the women I want to be sexual with.

As I raised the kids 24/7 from birth on the relationship is just perfect.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Blondilocks said:


> Stay at home dads.


This is a result of Feminism. I became a stay at home dad to save my fathers rights.


----------



## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)




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## WandaJ (Aug 5, 2014)

It’s just confirms to me that MRA are guys who can not get laid but still have huge ego...


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Long story short. My mother was a narcistic asshole. To realize that doesn't make me happy and healthy just in one day.


Here's the root of your madness descent: my mummy didn't love me.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> Here's the root of your madness descent: my mummy didn't love me.


 Perhaps I am a ************ ?


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Perhaps I am a ************ ?


That would certainly explain it perfectly.


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## Rob_1 (Sep 8, 2017)

Rob_1 said:


> That would certainly explain it perfectly.


I mean not really being able to have sex with women.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Rob_1 said:


> I mean not really being able to have sex with women.


 I have, but not with my wife because this would be like incest.


----------



## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)




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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

Sounds like you want to be a playa but just don't have what it takes.

Think your wife is old and chubby and not sexually tempting? Set her free and see if other men agree. 

I'm glad I'm not your wife.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Imagirl said:


> Sounds like you want to be a playa but just don't have what it takes.
> 
> Think your wife is old and chubby and not sexually tempting? Set her free and see if other men agree.
> 
> I'm glad I'm not your wife.


Well if she divorce me.........it would be expensive for her.


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## Imagirl (Aug 17, 2020)

Money well spent


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Imagirl said:


> Money well spent


Yes, that is equal rights.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

So first, being a trekkie, I have to do this:


TJW said:


> See a doctor.


Bones....I....have.....a problem!....My.....wife.....won't .......have sex with me!

Meant all in good humor.



JTK-NCC1701 said:


> On the contrary, the women who turn me on are "dominant", which of course is hell for a freedom-loving person like me in everyday life. More than 20 years of disappointments before my marriage confirm this.


So by this you seem to be a submissive, and this seemed to be evidenced by the one GF, although she never went further than control. BTW, it is perfectly normal to be freedom loving and still turned on by dominant woman. Look at it as you want the freedom to be dominated and the freedom to choose who dominates you (assuming they are willing)



> Cheating is also not my thing - too stressful and I don't want to endanger my marriage either.


You and your wife need to define what cheating means to the two of you. NO ONE ELSE gets a say in this, period. If that definition allows for known encounters outside the marriage, that might be a path. I would never recommend outside relationships as a means to save the marriage, but it sounds like you have a good marriage other than this issue. So unless the marriage is endangered by this issue, it is a possible solution.



> I don't know if my wife has another.


I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. I'm not sure if the other sentences are context or not.



> It would help if she optically straightened out a bit in the direction of femme fatale / Vamp with appropriate clothing, jewelry and make-up. But in this regard, she doesn't do anything at all, no sexy dress or skirt, not even a finger ring or eye pencil. Do I have a fetish ??


At least a kink, but it might be a fetish.



> She is a Dr. in physics and didn't have it with the "woman" - sexually. She still wants sex, but I just can't get it up, not even with Viagra. What to do ? So now I am chronically depressed and take 2 antidepressants that block my potency even more, plus beta blockers for high blood pressure = same. So almost impotent. My sexual life seems to be over for ever.


The question is what is it you want out of your "sex life". And I put that in quotes because everyone would define that term differently. For some PIV is vital, whereas others....not so much. Cuckold or sissyfication are possible kinks/fetishes that would work with a lack of being able to get an erection, and are easily done by a closed monogamous couple. And for the record, cuckold does not require the woman to have a male lover outside the relationship. A pretend or fantasy one might be used, but not even that is required. But as @TJW said, see your doctor with these concerns. He might be able to change up your combination of medications. Make sure you are having someone look at your meds in combination if you are getting them from different sources. They might not actually be working well together.



> The need is still there mentally but I don't think I have any chances anymore because I still get a rejection from the women who I like or fall in love with.


This statement makes me wonder about whether you are already looking outside the marriage. All I can say, as the one who is poly and open, do not go behind your wife's back. It's one thing if she OK's it, but even a seeming affair can ruin it all.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> She never was my type sexually. I made 25 years the experience that the women which I sexually prefer are the exact opposite of a good wife and mother. You know Catholic like we only see the holy virgin or the ***.


SO you knowingly married a woman you new you were not sexually compatible with?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> SO you knowingly married a woman you new you were not sexually compatible with?



YES.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> So first, being a trekkie, I have to do this:
> 
> 
> Bones....I....have.....a problem!....My.....wife.....won't .......have sex with me!
> ...



Thank you for your advice ! Seems that you are the only one who don't attack me but trying to help me. Thank you so much for that !!


----------



## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I was raised sexually hostile as a teeanger and young man, uptight, timid and shy. To speak to a woman was absolutely impossible or if I was so insecure, cramped and speechless that I always was rejected. And all of that even though I was very sporty with a great figure and good-looking. At 29, a 56 year old women seduced me and the ice was broken, i.e. I was deflowered. Then at 30 I had my first girlfriend, 10 years younger but more than three times as much sexual experience and she kept me on a short leash. That means 6 years only the same boring sex. After the separation, let off steam for a short time without any significant sexual development and without rejections of women that I really liked. So I started a reasoning relationship and had bad sex for about 7 years because my wife is not necessarily my (sexual) type.


Well, clearly, your sexual issues are stemming from your relationship with your mother. Were you shamed for having sexual feelings or reactions? Was your mother very promiscuous and you didn't approve?



JTK-NCC1701 said:


> The women who turn me on are "dominant", which of course is hell for a freedom-loving person like me in everyday life. *Whores disgust me.*


Madonna ***** complex.



JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I don't know if my wife has another. I don't think so. .


Would you care if she did?



JTK-NCC1701 said:


> It would help if she optically straightened out a bit in the direction of femme fatale / Vamp with appropriate clothing, jewelry and make-up. But in this regard, she doesn't do anything at all, no sexy dress or skirt, not even a finger ring or eye pencil.


Would you want her if she did do these things or would you think of her as a *****?



JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Do I have a fetish ?? She is a Dr. in physics and didn't have it with the "woman" - sexually. She still wants sex, but I just can't get it up, not even with Viagra.


I wouldn't call it a fetish, I would say you have strict ideas in your head of what is 'sexy vs. appropriate'. For a woman to be sexy to you perhaps she must be dominant, dress revealingly, know what she wants and goes after it. Think 'powerful, sexy, executive'. The problem may be while this is what you are attracted, you may also secretly despise this type of woman. Now your wife, while she may be successful in her field and is the breadwinner of the family, but doesn't fit your idea of what an aggressive business woman is. Thus, no attraction. 



JTK-NCC1701 said:


> So now I am chronically depressed and take 2 antidepressants that block my potency even more, plus beta blockers for high blood pressure = same. So almost impotent. My sexual life seems to be over for ever.


Most of our problems are self-made, aren't they? 



JTK-NCC1701 said:


> The need is still there mentally but I don't think I have any chances anymore because I still get a rejection from the women who I like or fall in love with. I'm grateful for every tip!


Are you actively trying to cheat on your wife? This sounds to me like this is your issue, not your wife's. She is still willing to have sex with you and you are still able to masturbate so you're still able to have sex. Your mental block is not an excuse to cheat. 

It sounds like you are saying that you want to be dominated by a woman in the bedroom and that is what turns you on but these traits are not compatible with what you want outside of the bedroom. And you seem to think of strong, independent women who may capitalize on their sexuality as whores and you don't like them outside of them bedroom, either. To find a woman who is a lady at the table and a ***** in the bedroom is indeed hard to fine! Especially when you have strict ideals in your mind about who is a ***** vs. who is a lady.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> YES.


Why would someone do that. Was she well off financially, good career etc? maybe because you wanted to be a sponger? Well you can't have everything can you!


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Seems he didn't really understand the FORCE. No a good Jedi. LOL
.








Ewan McGregor and Ex Eve Mavrakis Finalize Their Divorce


Ewan McGregor and Eve Mavrakis separated in May 2017 after 22 years of marriage




people.com


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Violet28 said:


> Madonna *** complex.



Sure. I was raised Catholic. So there are only the holy virgin Mary and the w**** Maria Magdalena. 

Jesus was a Catholic because at 33 he still lived with his mother and thought her a virgin ......... and she thought he was a god. LOL


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Sure. I was raised Catholic. So there are only the holy virgin Mary and the w**** Maria Magdalena.
> 
> Jesus was a Catholic because at 33 he still lived with his mother and thought her a virgin ......... and she thought he was a god. LOL


Point of order. Jesus was not a Catholic, since they didn't exist. Also, I really doubt that he thought his mother a virgin, as it is highly likely he had siblings. I would be shocked to find out he was an only child.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

maquiscat said:


> Point of order. Jesus was not a Catholic, since they didn't exist. Also, I really doubt that he thought his mother a virgin, as it is highly likely he had siblings. I would be shocked to find out he was an only child.





maquiscat said:


> Point of order. Jesus was not a Catholic, since they didn't exist. Also, I really doubt that he thought his mother a virgin, as it is highly likely he had siblings. I would be shocked to find out he was an only child.


 My statement was metaphoric.


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

My point is that your sexual issue is psychological and in how you identify what is sexy. How would your MRA buddies feel about you if they knew being dominated by a woman in the bedroom is what turns you on?


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Sure. I was raised Catholic. So there are only the holy virgin Mary and the w**** Maria Magdalena.
> 
> Jesus was a Catholic because at 33 he still lived with his mother and thought her a virgin ......... and she thought he was a god. LOL


More detail on your actual relationship with your mother would be helpful. It isn't the fault of Jesus that you only think of sexy women as wh**** and have fantasies about them while thinking you are too good to actually be in a relationship with one.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Violet28 said:


> My point is that your sexual issue is psychological and in how you identify what is sexy. How would your MRA buddies feel about you if they knew being dominated by a woman in the bedroom is what turns you on?



Well it is like radical feminist who love Macho men.

Many men and women today, more than ever, have a conflict between what their biology finds "sexy" but definitely no longer fits into our culture and society. The macho or the ***** (bordeliner?) May seem erotic, but who can endure such a person in the long run.
.


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Well it is like radical feminist who love Macho men.
> 
> Many men and women today, more than ever, have a conflict between what their biology finds "sexy" but definitely no longer fits into our culture and society. The macho or the *** (bordeliner?) May seem erotic, but who can endure such a person in the long run.
> .


 Thank you for that enlightening education on cultural norms. Do you notice that you don't actually answer personal questions that are likely at the root of your issues? Even in the above statement you are trying to generalize or deflect without actually personalizing the question to yourself. 

This isn't a 'societal' issue, it's a 'you' problem. You married a woman that you were fully aware you did not enjoy sex with, sponged off of her for 25 years, and are now complaining that you can't get it up for her. Seems like a natural consequence for your life choices, no? 

You try to respond to posts as if you are a macho man who is standing up for men's rights by not working, attempting to actively cheat on your wife and bragging that she'd have to pay you alimony. You are not a macho man, you are a passive man. You don't have confidence in yourself because you don't actually feel good about who you are as a man. And how could you after the way you have lived for the last 25 years? 

I can sum all of this up in two words, Mommy issues.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Sure. I was raised Catholic. So there are only the holy virgin Mary and the w**** Maria Magdalena.
> 
> Jesus was a Catholic because at 33 he still lived with his mother and thought her a virgin ......... and she thought he was a god. LOL


You need to read the Bible more, what you said is nonsense.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Violet28 said:


> Thank you for that enlightening education on cultural norms. Do you notice that you don't actually answer personal questions that are likely at the root of your issues? Even in the above statement you are trying to generalize or deflect without actually personalizing the question to yourself.
> 
> This isn't a 'societal' issue, it's a 'you' problem. You married a woman that you were fully aware you did not enjoy sex with, sponged off of her for 25 years, and are now complaining that you can't get it up for her. Seems like a natural consequence for your life choices, no?
> 
> ...


I don´t answer people who insult or attack me like you.


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## Violet28 (Oct 4, 2018)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> I don´t answer people who insult or attack me like you.


The truth can hurt but you can't begin to change until you admit it to yourself.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

That´s me: 




so....a women for a LTR is totally different from a women for sex.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> so....a women for a LTR is totally different from a women for sex.


I think they can coexist occasionally...


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## joannacroc (Dec 17, 2014)

I will refrain from critizing your actions, however sorely tempted, because you came here for help. I'd just like to point out this: you expect your wife to change her body and the way she dresses. What are you willing to change? If you hope to stay in a relationship, part of the burden of keeping you two together has to be on you. Are you willing to let go of some of your anger and make a concerted effort to face some of your childhood issues and sexual hangups that are actively damaging your relationship in more than 3 sessions of therapy? Because therapy is a longterm endeavor. If someone came to 3 sessions of your class, would you expect them to say "krav maga doesn't work to improve my fitness or self defence skills?" The same is somewhat true of 3 sessions of therapy. You need to commit to it longterm or it won't work.

This forum helped me when I was divorcing to face the fact that I bear at least part of the responsibility for my relationship and that if I didn't examine the relationship overall I would carry those mistakes to all subsequent relationships.

Really look at what you say about your children. Do you think they would feel proud of you for saying what you said about your wife? Become someone your children can look up to. That is a person who respects others and commands respect.


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## PieceOfSky (Apr 7, 2013)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> My wife could also become the women I want to be sexual with.


I am skeptical. You seem to have a long and consistent pattern of being unfulfilled in “sexual” relationships “because them”.

You seem invested in the belief there is no one available to you that would be what you need/want/deserve.

People heavily invested in beliefs about themselves, others, and the universe sometimes have difficulty achieving that which would shake their foundational beliefs.

I could be wrong, but my guess is if your wife vamped it up and became truly the woman of your fantasies, you’d find a way unconsciously to sabotage it, end up unsatisfied, and feeling as a victim of whatever, and feeling entitled to deceive and take what you “deserve”.

Not saying that to attack you. Saying it is only a possibility. Just something to ponder yourself, and see if any of that rings true.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Well, I LOVE borderline or bipolar women, but just can't live with them together especially not in a Family with children - that would be pure horror for the children.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> There's more sexuality on that stage in two minutes than every Beyonce, Nikki Minaj and Katy Perry video combined.
> A time when women were women and a man didn't make excuses for his hormones. WTF happened??


you got old!


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> YES.


Why?? Did you need a visa, did you want someone to financially take care of you?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

aine said:


> Why?? Did you need a visa, did you want someone to financially take care of you?


No, she is just the type of women I can live together for decades and have a family.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Violet28 said:


> You married a woman that you were fully aware you did not enjoy sex with, sponged off of her for 25 years,


This is a case of some kind of sexless marriage role reversal.

The OP is a bait-and-switch wife that married for support and provisioning to a husband he wasn’t sexually attracted to and is now living on anti depressants and daytime TV shows and dreaming about the alphas that won’t have him because he’s basically a frumpy, lazy, pill-popping, couch potato, housewife that lives in his own head.

At least an actual female desperate housewife can get a personal trainer and once she loses some weight can get some from the trainer or some dude at the gym or a bar in a girls night out. 

The OP’s issue is he is a desperate housewife without an actual vagina.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> No, she is just the type of women I can live together for decades and have a family.


Again this is a role reversal, only you are the wife who married someone because they were the “Nice Guy” and who could provide for you and have a home and family with but whom you had no actual attraction and desire for.

So now you are depressed and anxious and spending your days popping pills and dreaming of the alpha that will come along and sweep you off your feet to take you to Poundtown and the Land of Passion and Fantasy. 

That can work for actual female housewives that are under 200lbs and aren’t hairy. 

For you to be the desperate housewife that denies her husband but bangs the hot personal trainer and has hot monkey sex in the side - you are going to have to turn gay and find a gay trainer because female trainers don’t operate like that. 

If you want an attractive and sexually empowered female, you can’t be a hairy housewife with a penis because attractive, sexy, heterosexual chicks don’t dig hairy housewives.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> This is a case of some kind of sexless marriage role reversal.
> 
> The OP is a bait-and-switch wife that married for support and provisioning to a husband he wasn’t sexually attracted to and is now living on anti depressants and daytime TV shows and dreaming about the alphas that won’t have him because he’s basically a frumpy, lazy, pill-popping, couch potato, housewife that lives in his own head.
> 
> ...


Well, I guess that is called "equality" or "emancipation" Thank you feminism.  Still much better than my old office job and I don't have to work again in my life.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Again this is a role reversal, only you are the wife who married someone because they were the “Nice Guy” and who could provide for you and have a home and family with but whom you had no actual attraction and desire for.
> 
> So now you are depressed and anxious and spending your days popping pills and dreaming of the alpha that will come along and sweep you off your feet to take you to Poundtown and the Land of Passion and Fantasy.
> 
> ...


There are a lot of women in their late 30s who desperately need a good sperm donator and that is what I still am (there must a reason to become a stay at home dad in the first place)

So.....now guess who has to pay for a child that I have fathered ?


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> Well, I guess that is called "equality" or "emancipation" Thank you feminism.  Still much better than my old office job and I don't have to work again in my life.


Then there is your answer. If you would rather be a desperate housewife so you can sit home taking anti depressants and watching The View and living off of some simp that pays your bills but who you can’t stand to touch, then that is your business. 

But just like the fat, pill-popping, View-watching, frumpy housewives, don’t ***** that some attractive alpha isn’t taking you away and riding you off into the sunset with them. 

Attractive, sexy people like attractive sexy people. 

If you want to get with an attractive, sexy person, you have to be an attractive, sexy person. 

Lazy, depressed, househusbands that are married to women that they are living off of that can’t even get it up, are probably the least attractive males on the planet to most women.

Even homeless guys living under bridges are usually at least single, can get it up and have the initiative to get out to gather food and supplies during the day.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> There are a lot of women in their late 30s who desperately need a good sperm donator and that is what I still am (there must a reason to become a stay at home dad in the first place)
> 
> So.....now guess who has to pay for a child that I have fathered ?


No. 

See my post above. Most women won’t even see you as a viable sperm donor because those traits are the least desirable of all to most women.


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## oldshirt (Apr 1, 2017)

Let me put it this way, the only women desperate enough, will be women in your wife’s league and below. 

You married her because she was the best you could get. And you already can’t get it up with her. What are you going to do with someone that is even less attractive and desirable than her??


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Then there is your answer. If you would rather be a desperate housewife so you can sit home taking anti depressants and watching The View and living off of some simp that pays your bills but who you can’t stand to touch, then that is your business.
> 
> But just like the fat, pill-popping, View-watching, frumpy housewives, don’t *** that some attractive alpha isn’t taking you away and riding you off into the sunset with them.
> 
> ...


LOL. I am not naive anymore to believe in some Hollywood love ****. Once in a while a **** is enough and I always have the opportunity because I am still a good sperm donator. At least I don´t have to work anymore and get divorced and loosing my kids and house like so many men in western countries.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> No.
> 
> See my post above. Most women won’t even see you as a viable sperm donor because those traits are the least desirable of all to most women.


Whatever life I live......I am a good biological father. Not a good husband or lover for most chicks, but women want children from me.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

oldshirt said:


> Let me put it this way, the only women desperate enough, will be women in your wife’s league and below.
> 
> You married her because she was the best you could get. And you already can’t get it up with her. What are you going to do with someone that is even less attractive and desirable than her??


As a man I learned from women to split wife and lover. Even if my wife would have been super hot in the past.....now she is just to old. BUT she has a very good character, a high income and is very intelligent and educated (Phd.). That is more important in the long run.


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## Torninhalf (Nov 4, 2018)

Is it possible your wife is getting some on the side?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Torninhalf said:


> Is it possible your wife is getting some on the side?


Probably. I hope it will make her happy.


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

Hey Oldshirt, are you tired ?


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## JTK-NCC1701 (Jul 21, 2020)

update.

I ****ed some grannies in their late 60s. It's easy to get them.


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## In Absentia (Aug 21, 2012)

JTK-NCC1701 said:


> update.
> 
> I ****ed some grannies in their late 60s. It's easy to get them.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

This thread can't be real. No one would M and not have sex for 15 years.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This thread can't be real. No one would M and not have sex for 15 years.


I guess you never found Coppertop here on TAM. Which makes 15 years seem like amateur hour.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

Personal said:


> I guess you never found Coppertop here on TAM. Which makes 15 years seem like amateur hour.


I guess. That would be like go ahead, just shoot me now.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

Women with PhD's in Physics can be very hot!!!

you just need her to wear a lab smock, and nothing else underneath, in the bedroom!


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> This thread can't be real. No one would M and not have sex for 15 years.


Asexuals would and have.


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## Livvie (Jan 20, 2014)

maquiscat said:


> Asexuals would and have.


But if both are asexual no one would be complaining. The poster was saying no one would stay in a marriage fot 15 years without sex if they were a sexual person.


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## jonty30 (Oct 23, 2021)

maquiscat said:


> Asexuals would and have.


Or demisexuals. Asexuals are people who don't have any interest in sex. Demisexual connect intellectually, but don't necessarily get physical.
It's a new term to me as well.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

to the OP, its not too late to choose a different direction in life:


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

jonty30 said:


> Or demisexuals. Asexuals are people who don't have any interest in sex. Demisexual connect intellectually, but don't necessarily get physical.
> It's a new term to me as well.


i am not sure that is exactly what Demisexual means. Sapiosexual might be a better term for what you describe.

*What Is a Demisexual?*
_A person who is demisexual experiences sexual attraction only when they feel a true emotional bond with another person. For instance, they may not feel sexually attracted to a person they randomly see at a coffee shop, but if they were to start talking to that person and form an emotional connection, they might then become sexually attracted over time._


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Livvie said:


> But if both are asexual no one would be complaining. The poster was saying no one would stay in a marriage fot 15 years without sex if they were a sexual person.


Read again. @Ragnar Ragnasson said nothing about being a sexual person.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

jonty30 said:


> Or demisexuals. Asexuals are people who don't have any interest in sex. Demisexual connect intellectually, but don't necessarily get physical.
> It's a new term to me as well.


Last I knew, a demisexual is one who only is sexually attracted by an unintellectual connection. Romantic and sexual attractions are not always, the same. Usually, but not always. For example, I love my husband dearly, and he, I, but neither of us are sexually attracted to each other. But a lot of these new concepts and discoveries are still settling in.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

maquiscat said:


> Read again. @Ragnar Ragnasson said nothing about being a sexual person.


I believe we can go with the detail that if the OP was asexual they wouldn't be complaining about no sex.


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## maquiscat (Aug 20, 2019)

Ragnar Ragnasson said:


> I believe we can go with the detail that if the OP was asexual they wouldn't be complaining about no sex.


I did take the comment as being a general inquiry, and not specific to the OP. If it was intended to be specific to the OP, then I appologize.


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## Ragnar Ragnasson (Mar 4, 2018)

maquiscat said:


> I did take the comment as being a general inquiry, and not specific to the OP. If it was intended to be specific to the OP, then I appologize.


No worries 👍🙂


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## Divinely Favored (Apr 1, 2014)

moon7 said:


> Dude, im getting so fvcking jaded with men in general now.
> 
> A woman can NEVER win, aparently.
> 
> ...


Never supposed to be a competition. A hubby and wife are supposed to be on same team...no loosers..both winners.


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