# Wife said she filed for divorce



## bbdad23 (Dec 30, 2008)

I am new to this forum and I have come here for answers and advice. My wife and I have been together since Jan 1995. We got married in June of 2000. We have 2 boys, 7 and 13. I am 32 and she is 33. We have some problems with our marriage that are not uncommon but my wife reacts to them in a very destructive way. 

In 1998, we split for a while and she went wild. She went out almost everynight. She moved out of the house we were living in but I still took care of my son almost every night. I was the only security he had. This went on for almost 7 or 8 months until she was driving home one night and got a DUI. Soon after that she stopped drinking and we married in 2000.

In, 2004, we encountered some problems and she started hanging out with some younger single people from work. She started going out for drinks after work and the next thing I know she was having an affair. I confronted her about her affair and she told me she wanted out of the marriage. She then starting going out more, at least 3 times per week. This went on for 6-7 months until she called me at 1:00 am and told me her car would not move. I loaded up the kids and drove to the bar to find that her car was wrecked. I noticed a pole in the parking lot that she had hit. She was able to get the car into the street before the wheel finally broke. Soon after that she stopped drinking and partying. SHe broke down and told me she was sorry and that was the worse time in her life and she would never do it again.

About 2 months ago, I caught her flirting with a guy online. She even gave him her phone number. I confronted her about it and the next day she told me she didn't love me anymore and wanted a divorce. She has been drinking again and paryting every weekend. She even goes out on weeknights. Sometimes she will get home at 4:00 am. I have been going to a marriage counselor by myself and she told me that my wife might be an alcoholic and I need to confront her about it. I also found out that she cheated on me again and she has also been chatting with some married men on line and 1 of them is about to leave his wife because of it. I told my wife that I was concerned about her drinking problem and I am not keeping it a secret anymore. I then told her mom, brother, and dad. She found out and told me that she is done with the marriage and is filing for divorce. I told her that she needs to get help because I want my kids to have a mother. Even if she is acting like a horrible mother. She is telling her family that I am lying about everything and I think they believe her. 

. My wife did not drink hardly at all when the marriage was good but she drinks alot when we have problems. I don't think I have any support from her family becuase they are very enabling. I told them they can turn a blind eye and deny it and hopefully nothing happens to her or they can try to get her some help. 

I attended my first AL-ANON meeting on Saturday so I hope I can learn something at that. She said she filed for divorce on March 16 but have not received any papers yet.

Just a little more history. After BS she pulled 4 years ago, we did not see a marraige counselor but obviously we should have. We tried to reconcile our marriage by ourselves and honestly I never let her affair go and it drove me to depression. The depression was pretty bad the last year. 

She had the nerve the other night to blame her actions on my depression. She even said, " you have not been yourself, you gained weight and you did not make an attempt to make yourself attractive to me." What a *****, she was the reason I was depressed in the first place. I did not go cheating on her when she weighed 40 lbs more than she does now. 

With all that being said, does anybody know how to write a good GO TO HELL letter?


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Let her go on as she now is and hang herself. She's a train wreck waiting to happen. Get the kids and yourself out of the way.


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## Blanca (Jul 25, 2008)

bbdad23 said:


> I attended my first AL-ANON meeting on Saturday so I hope I can learn something at that. She said she filed for divorce on March 16 but have not received any papers yet.


ive been to alanon and it helped me a lot. At first i thought it was kind of stupid and too simple, but after going to more meetings it started to really help. I hope you keep going.

Iv never written a good go to hell letter, but ive sure told my H that plenty of times. thing is afterwards, I just feel worse. your wife wont care, you'll fight more, and you'll become the a**. at least, that was my experience.


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## bbdad23 (Dec 30, 2008)

Just got her petition for divorce today.


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## Amplexor (Feb 13, 2008)

Give her a thank you note.

See a lawyer. With one DUI and the abandonment, you need to get custody of the kids for their own safety. Good luck.


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## AZMOMOFTWO (Jun 30, 2008)

Based on what you wrote here, this problem will not stop. Even if you get through this she will do it again. She has a drinking problem and turns to alcohol rather tha face things that are tough. She's an avoider. My DH cheated on me last summer and he's an avoider. When things weren't quite working out, like you said its not uncommon but in fact we had a really good friendship, had fun together, never fought, but him hitting 40 hit him harder than I guess either of us expected. He was bored I think. Also getting as busy as I was, both of us were, we didn't put each other first. In fact I think I took a backseat to everyone. So instead of coming to me it was easier to avoid and he had an affair. He also started drinking quite a bit. No DUI's but he'd have several beers a night, not an alcoholic by any means but he is someone who drank only on special occasions. But he learned to no longer avoid, fortunately we went to marriage counseling. Probably should have stayed in it though, I know what you mean about the depression. It can get to me sometimes but he is supportive. So I think we have a chance. With her, she's a complete avoider a danger to herself and possibly to your kids, certainly they don't need to see that. Also if she's going out and having unprotected sex she's putting you at risk. Go see an attorney, protect your rights and your children and tell he to leave. You can't help her, until she wants to help herself. Also I highly doubt she filed for divorce, she's playing mind games with you. 

As for dealing wiht the depression, I learned that by taking care of myself it made me feel better. I run daily and now in the best shape of my life. While I am happy about how I look, I am even happier about how I took control and made myself feel better. I also made some new friends, joined some activities. My husband commented the other day that he loves it that I have "come out of my shell" and he said "you are just fun to be around". So here I was putting everyone first and I got boring LOL! I've just learned to balance it. My family is very important and I'd do anything for them, but I've learned to spend some time on me too. Sounds like you can do the same, its always been about her. 

As for the letter, don't put it in writing could always be used. Simply tell her to leave preferably when the kids are not there, but see an attorney first!


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## bbdad23 (Dec 30, 2008)

Hello all. I retained my attorney on Tuesday and I am ready to move on.


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Best of luck. We're all behind you.


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## zwilson50 (Mar 26, 2009)

You are making the right decision. You don't want your kids to grow up through this dysfunction.


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## reidqa (Mar 25, 2009)

Guy,

I agree with others here, he do not be confused nor saddened.

Without my walkout would have never met my loving wife to whom finds it replusive to cheat as she has stated "we girls can pleasure ourselves if need be". 

I have to respect that expression.

Now to think if I stuck around with my ex.


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## F-102 (Sep 15, 2010)

THAT was weird (last post), but I think you're handling it well. You and the kids deserve better. Same thing happened to our family friend, she chose partying and living a swinging lifestyle over family and responsibility. He got custody and has raised two fine young men, while she now tells anyone who will listen about how deeply she regrets everything she has done, especially after the boys grew up, saw the REAL mother they thought they knew (now addicted to crack and the only man who will have anything to do with her is a convicted child molester) , and now want nothing to do with her.


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