# Drooling over women



## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

My boyfriend has always done this.. yes I sound like a jealous cow but I'm really not.
So whenever me and my boyfriend go out for the day he eyes up every slim girl he sees. I'm not fat or thin.. I'm in the middle, my body hasn't decided which way to go yet 😂 anyway he'll say you don't need to diet I like you as you are etc.etc. then the next minute he's drooling over other women, now I know it's natural to have a quick look but he stares and it's quite uncomfortable and to be completely honest makes me feel like crap.. he obviously denys it all constantly, he's a man that's what they do! But should I be upset? I'm confused, why try and pursued me to not diet because he likes my chunk but then can't take his eyes off slimmer ladies. 🤔 
Am I crazy or should I feel abit upset? He confuses me.

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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

nicnakx said:


> My boyfriend has always done this.. yes I sound like a jealous cow but I'm really not.
> So whenever me and my boyfriend go out for the day he eyes up every slim girl he sees. I'm not fat or thin.. I'm in the middle, my body hasn't decided which way to go yet 😂 anyway he'll say you don't need to diet I like you as you are etc.etc. then the next minute he's drooling over other women, now I know it's natural to have a quick look but he stares and it's quite uncomfortable and to be completely honest makes me feel like crap.. he obviously denys it all constantly, he's a man that's what they do! But should I be upset? I'm confused, why try and pursued me to not diet because he likes my chunk but then can't take his eyes off slimmer ladies. 🤔
> Am I crazy or should I feel abit upset? He confuses me.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


*What are your ages and educational backgrounds?*


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

When I met my wife I was a girl watcher. That's what brought us together. She claims it does not make her jealous. I still girl watch. 

Sometimes the written word can be misleading.

So you are okay with your boyfriend girl watching, in principle? You are not at ease though, because he chooses to watch only girls who do not have body types like yours?

Because of his selective girl watching, you feel he actually does not like your body type?

Is that a fair representation of your original post?


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

Has he not learned to move his eyes, not his head?

Seriously though, there are a range of activities from simply noticing beautiful women, to starting or commenting. I'm not sure where he is in this range.


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## Evinrude58 (Jun 16, 2014)

Do you think he has good character? Has he always been loyal? Does he seem genuinely interested in your body and pleasing YOU in bed, as well as himself? Does he treat it good otherwise?

Let me say this. There will always be a woman out there that has a nicer body, a prettier face, sleeker hair, etc. and he will enjoy looking at her. He shouldn't be disrespectful tbut you or them in doing it, though.

Don't try to lose weight because you honk that's what he wants you to look like. If he's a good guy, he likes you for a lot more than your body. He likes your personality, the way you treat him, how clean you are, how you take care of him, how you aren't crazy like other women, how you kiss, how you make him feel........
He knows that no matter what a woman looks like, they won't have your qualities. 

Looking at something beautiful is perfectly natural. Making you uncomfortable is not.

Tell him the constant looking at other women is making you feel awful about yourself. If he won't stop staring, he's not ready for marriage and may be better off single.

Btw, I live my gf totally...... but she has. Accused me of this. 
I'm uninterested in other women, but notice a pretty lady just like everyone else.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

Heterosexual men are pre-programmed to notice attractive women. You look for a bit, but you never want to turn it into creepy leering. And you NEVER do it in the presence of your SO, because that's disrespectful to her.


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

nicnakx said:


> My boyfriend has always done this.. yes I sound like a jealous cow but I'm really not.
> So whenever me and my boyfriend go out for the day he eyes up every slim girl he sees. I'm not fat or thin.. I'm in the middle, my body hasn't decided which way to go yet 😂 anyway he'll say you don't need to diet I like you as you are etc.etc. then the next minute he's drooling over other women, now I know it's natural to have a quick look but he stares and it's quite uncomfortable and to be completely honest makes me feel like crap.. he obviously denys it all constantly, he's a man that's what they do! But should I be upset? I'm confused, why try and pursued me to not diet because he likes my chunk but then can't take his eyes off slimmer ladies. 🤔
> Am I crazy or should I feel abit upset? He confuses me.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


It's one thing to steal a quick glance at another woman but in your own words he is "drooling"over every pretty slim girl he sees.What an idiot!
If he hasn't learned how to behave when he is with his girlfriend by now then he never will.
You have a choice to make,you can either call him out when he does this or you can learn to live with an immature little boy.You haven't said what ages you are but if he is more than twelve I would be surprised.
There is another thread running on tam about what does respect mean and what he does is highly disrespectful.


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## peacem (Oct 25, 2014)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Heterosexual men are pre-programmed to notice attractive women. You look for a bit, but you never want to turn it into creepy leering. And you NEVER do it in the presence of your SO, because that's disrespectful to her.


Agreed :smile2:...but ditto for women too. We all do it, but we should be respectful for the person we are with.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

uhtred said:


> Has he not learned to move his eyes, not his head?
> 
> Seriously though, there are a range of activities from simply noticing beautiful women, to starting or commenting. I'm not sure where he is in this range.


Yeah, buy him sunglasses.

Actually, your BF is rude. He needs to grow up.


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## SunCMars (Feb 29, 2016)

I will be honest. My nose was at least a 1/2-in longer 40 years ago.

After constant whacks, it has gotten to a nicer length, no plastic surgery needed. 

That was my stated plan...and I am sticking to this story.

Jokes aside, a man must consciously look away from any and all women when he is with his SO.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Him doing this while you are with him is disrespectful to you.

Have you tried doing the same thing with men? Sometimes mimicking behaviors can teach a good lesson.


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## Tatsuhiko (Jun 21, 2016)

peacem said:


> Agreed :smile2:...but ditto for women too. We all do it, but we should be respectful for the person we are with.


Aha! That explains why my ass is burning every time I'm out on the town.


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## wild jade (Jun 21, 2016)

Droolers aren't particularly attractive to the ones they're drooling after either. IMHO, it really just shows how little experience with and respect for women they have.


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## 23cm (Dec 3, 2016)

Let's be honest. Men glance, notice and look. Douches look hard and obviously.

Decide which he is and whether you want to be with the one he is. 

BTW, however, the body difference thing is telling...both because he looks at slimmer women and you are not.

Height and weight? 

If you BMI is in the obese category and you're not a female weight lifter....well then regardless of what he nicely tells you ("that's okay honey, I love you the way you are"), he'd prefer something with curves, but curves like an hourglass and not like a pear.

SFT


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## Cooper (Apr 18, 2008)

The guys an idiot! No class what so ever. Yes we look, woman do as well, but to be belligerent about it is just uncalled for. Next time he does it walk over to the girl and give her his phone number, tell him good luck and have a nice life.

Oh and the reason he doesn't want you to lose weight is because he doesn't want all the other lecherous men drooling over you! 

Be thankful he's your boyfriend and not your husband, he's diffidently short term relationship material.


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## Rocky Mountain Yeti (Apr 23, 2017)

I remember during my teens, my mom, who was totally faithful and expected same, saying "If he can't notice a hot broad, he's of not use to me!" (yes, while pretty conservative, she could be rather blunt).

She knew a man is a man, and she always wanted a man and nothing less.

That said, drooling over would never have been offered, nor allowed and that was understood by all as well. A healthy man sometimes can't help but notice. A real man can certainly determine what level of intensity or duration that notice takes place.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

It may be the OP used that description because her Significant Other is choosing to ignore women who look like herself, which indeed would be hurtful. She didn't seem to be specifically complaining about the girl watching itself, but the fact he doesn't like girls with body types the same as her own.

That would hurt.


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## BlueandBlond (Jun 20, 2016)

My husband has always been like that. He looks and that is fine but when he does the double take or pretends that he is looking at something else which just happens to be in the same direction of the female is when I find it disrespectful as it is very noticeable. Then, when he talks to a woman he finds interesting and his personality is so totally different and fake....my god man just give it up! Then I will say something to him about it and he has always, and I mean always, denied it. I will take a look or course as we aren't dead but I am not rude. I have gotten past this now and just roll my eyes. I find it embarrassing and will walk away as to not be associated with him


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

I've never understood why a guy would deny girl watching. Why not just say, yep. So a guy will watch TV, and enjoy the girl watching on that screen, but can't admit the live women are wondrous beauties? Just makes no sense to me.


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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

EleGirl said:


> Him doing this while you are with him is disrespectful to you.
> 
> Have you tried doing the same thing with men? Sometimes mimicking behaviors can teach a good lesson.




Tit for tat! Never fails, I always chuckle at that phrase and I'm almost 50.


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## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

nicnakx said:


> My boyfriend has always done this.. yes I sound like a jealous cow but I'm really not.
> So whenever me and my boyfriend go out for the day he eyes up every slim girl he sees. I'm not fat or thin.. I'm in the middle, my body hasn't decided which way to go yet &#55357;&#56834; anyway he'll say you don't need to diet I like you as you are etc.etc. then the next minute he's drooling over other women, now I know it's natural to have a quick look but he stares and it's quite uncomfortable and to be completely honest makes me feel like crap.. he obviously denys it all constantly, he's a man that's what they do! But should I be upset? I'm confused, why try and pursued me to not diet because he likes my chunk but then can't take his eyes off slimmer ladies. &#55358;&#56596;
> Am I crazy or should I feel abit upset? He confuses me.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


As a guy I think this is disrespectful. We all look men and women, no matter what the sex we need to keep it subtle out of respect for our spouses. It's really not that hard to do anyway.

Here is a training video you can follow


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## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

WilliamM said:


> I've never understood why a guy would deny girl watching. Why not just say, yep. So a guy will watch TV, and enjoy the girl watching on that screen, but can't admit the live women are wondrous beauties? Just makes no sense to me.


If you are ever caught looking for a second too long always point out a flaw.Mention her hair is obviously dyed,her ass is big,how can she walk in those shoes etc,anything to get you off the hook.lol.😇😇😇


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## MattMatt (May 19, 2012)

Tatsuhiko said:


> Heterosexual men are pre-programmed to notice attractive women. You look for a bit, but you never want to turn it into creepy leering. And you NEVER do it in the presence of your SO, because that's disrespectful to her.


My wife points out pretty girls to me. Usually stick thin women who I do not find attractive.


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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

He's constantly at it, it's creepy & uncomfortable! He's 29.. 😑 maybe he's not grown up?! 

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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

If you don't like it dump him.


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## megamuppet (Feb 13, 2017)

My husband does it. I don't know if he always did, I only noticed two years in! It has had a devastating effect on me, to the point I have had counselling. I know it is natural to look, to glance but staring or double / triple takes are too much.

I didn't have much confidence but I have none now. We don't go out to pubs or for dinner anymore and if we do I get so stressed out about it I usually vomit or deliberately cause a huge row so I don't have to go.

I have told him how I feel and he continued. Sometimes I think he doesn't realise he is doing it. We went to a really fancy place once and he stared at a woman for over an hour and a half over my shoulder. He only stopped when I burst into tears and walked out.

It has happened since and now I get angry. I have screamed at him and shouted when he does it. It is an awful situation. People must think I am a loon!

The counselling has helped but I still feel dread everytime we go somewhere together. I sat him down and told him how he makes me feel. He actually finally understands it. I asked him how he would like if everytime we went out I looked at every man who is half his age and half his size? He said it would make him feel crap about himself and that he wasn't what I really wanted or good enough!! Well hello!!!

I wouldcsay talk to him about how it makes you feel. I was temped to give him a taste of his own medicine but I wouldn't want him to feel as bad as I do so I decided against it. He is 50 and I am 45. Both a bit overweight but losing it together. He looks at women in their 20s who look nothing like me. Blondes, redheads, very girly girls. Make up, extensions, false tan. The funny thing is he says he doesn't like all the fake stuff but then stares at women who look like that! 

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## She'sStillGotIt (Jul 30, 2016)

wild jade said:


> Droolers aren't particularly attractive to the ones they're drooling after either. IMHO, it really just shows how little experience with and respect for women they have.


I agree 100%.

I used to love going to the big local mall and every single time I went, as I was walking through the crowd I'd notice married creeps eyeballing me lewdly while their wives and kids would be walking along them juggling their bags or talking, etc. It would be blatant and creepy and I'd be disgusted at the guy's disrespectful behavior and I'd feel sorry for his wife who had no idea he was acting like that while she asked her kids something or looked through one of her bags. I always hoped I'd never be one of those wives being pitied like I was pitying them for being stuck with these douche bags.

You can notice an attractive person without acting like a complete leering idiot about it.


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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

Exactly! Everyone notices attractive people all the time it's normal to do so but I just get annoyed at his drooling, people will often say they can't believe he's managed to get me etc etc. But then it's like I'm not good enough for him... it's quite embarrassing and degrading on some levels to walk with him when he's doing it, that much that I dislike going out places with him. We use to go intown alot and people would come and ask me what was I don't with him. I hated it, it was rude and clearly made him feel like crap so we stopped going out intown Drinking together but now after all that he's exactly like them.. I did start to think it was just a man thing but from some comments on here I'm thinking I've just bagged myself a Perv 🤔

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## manwithnoname (Feb 3, 2017)

nicnakx said:


> Exactly! Everyone notices attractive people all the time it's normal to do so but I just get annoyed at his drooling, people will often say they can't believe he's managed to get me etc etc. But then it's like I'm not good enough for him... it's quite embarrassing and degrading on some levels to walk with him when he's doing it, that much that I dislike going out places with him. We use to go intown alot and people would come and ask me what was I don't with him. I hated it, it was rude and clearly made him feel like crap so we stopped going out intown Drinking together but now after all that he's exactly like them.. I did start to think it was just a man thing but from some comments on here I'm thinking I've just bagged myself a Perv 🤔
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


His drooling can present a problem if you run out of napkins.

I like the tit for tat idea... hehehe... see if he likes it if you do the same.

But seriously, a lot of men, myself included, prefer women with some substance, curves etc. over stick girls. You're probably being drooled over by other guys, hopefully he'll notice.


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## brooklynAnn (Jun 29, 2015)

My H is a butt and boobs man. He will notice and take a quick look, then, turns to looks at me to see if I noticed. Most times I do and he would wink at me and we would both smile or laugh. I am not offended because he does not ogle young ladies and skinny ladies. We have a 20 year old daughter so that would be nasty. He likes women with a bit of meat on their bones. He is a great flirt but knows his boundaries because I have no problem with hitting him on the head. Our DD said it best, dad likes to flirt but if any of the ladies came on to him, he would run and hide behind us. We have a good laugh when we see in inaction plus we get graet customer service. He amuses me.

But if he was to be a fool and kept staring at some woman, I would be pissed and give it to him good. That I would not take. 
My hand does a great backhand motion.

Not that I am condoning violence.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

Men look. Some women have an issue with that, some do not. You do, and therefore he needs to be discreet and respectful. You shouldn't be putting up with him leering at other women while you're there, since clearly it bothers you.

But this has been asked several times, and I see no answer. Is the issue with him looking, or him looking at women who are slimmer than you? Your OP definitely seems to suggest a body image issue, that his visual preference for slimmer women makes you feel like crap about yourself. Is this accurate? Are you happy with your current weight/size?


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## katies (May 19, 2015)

I also have issues with this. He finally learned not to do this in my presence. I mean, if you want it, go for it. Divorce me first please. Because you can't have both. 
And why deny it?


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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

It's nothing to do with size, I mentioned the size just because of what he says. I'm not big, I'm a big 10 going onto a 12. It's just him doing it in general! 

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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

Katies I've been with him 8 years, he use to be worse but then stopped for awhile after I had a rant at him but he's started again! Maybe he's bored of me or no longer finds me attractive.. I don't know, men are confusing! I think it angers me more that he denys it even though I've watched him do it 😒

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## katies (May 19, 2015)

nicnakx said:


> I think it angers me more that he denys it even though I've watched him do it 😒
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


It would anger me more too! I don't understand why men just can't say, "yep, I really really like checking out other women. I'm going to do it as often as I can." And then give us the choice of whether or not we want to be with someone like that.


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## uhtred (Jun 22, 2016)

I think it may depend on how "serious" the drooling / oogling is. 

I'm just amused when my wife suggests we eat Italian, and then adds that - "and they have a really cute waiter". I know she isn't *attracted* to him in any sort of real way, she's just teasing me.

OTOH, someone who is seriously staring at other people can be very disrespectful. 

OTOOH, I think its OK to notice someone attractive in the area - but only in a brief limited way. 




katies said:


> I also have issues with this. He finally learned not to do this in my presence. I mean, if you want it, go for it. Divorce me first please. Because you can't have both.
> And why deny it?


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

nicnakx said:


> It's nothing to do with size, I mentioned the size just because of what he says. I'm not big, I'm a big 10 going onto a 12. It's just him doing it in general!
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


"he eyes up every slim girl he sees"
"I'm not fat or thin"
"he'll say you don't need to diet I like you as you are"
"I'm confused, why try and pursued me to not diet because he likes my chunk"
"can't take his eyes off slimmer ladies"

Are you sure this has "nothing to do with size"? Because size related thinking dominates your original post.


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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

Yes he does eye up every slim girl but then he says I'm fine as I am.. but his actions make me think he prefers the slimmer figure if that's the only type he seems to eye up! I'm not slim at all I'm curvy and always refer to it as 'my chunkyness' 
But thanks for going back and quoting my post, not sure why you felt the need too

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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

uhtred said:


> I think it may depend on how "serious" the drooling / oogling is.
> 
> I'm just amused when my wife suggests we eat Italian, and then adds that - "and they have a really cute waiter". I know she isn't *attracted* to him in any sort of real way, she's just teasing me.
> 
> ...


I see lots of beautiful females around and think how stunning they are but then I carry on, an attractive person will catch your eye no matter who you are.. it's like his whole world stops while he stares away, it's very uncomfortable and it's not just a glance

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## jorgegene (May 26, 2012)

i separate men into 2 categories when it comes to this type of thing.

first there are the guys who know they are married and can look and appreciate a good looking woman without 
undressing them in their mind or imagine having sex, or being stupid enough to think they could swing it with them.

it's like looking at a ferrari or something else beautiful. I look and appreciate, knowing i can never have one, and further i probably wouldn't want one anyway.
moreover, i wouldn't even do more than a glance at a beautiful woman if i were with my wife.

then, there are the guys that take looking more seriously. they will imagine making it with the woman or even actually flirting.
flirting with their eyes, or even verbally. they think they are some kind of prize and want to keep their 'game' up to speed.
these are the dangerous guys not usually cut out for marriage.


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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

nicnakx said:


> But thanks for going back and quoting my post, not sure why you felt the need too
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


Interesting that you're resulting to unnecessary snark when confronted with questions regarding your own statements about size.


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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

Not at all. I explained why I mentioned the size but you still seem to be commenting, not sure what your trying to get at to be honest 🤔 it's alittle strange

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## mickybill (Nov 29, 2016)

I have a friend who's H does that and considers himself a dapper ladies man. She said he's also always putting on the charm with waitresses, sales clerks, etc. She has mentioned that she doesn;t like it and he says it's harmless and brightens up her (the other women) day..like a 25 y.o. day is brightend by a 58 y.o. stranger chatting her up.

A lot of the the young woman will talk as it's part of their job but always includes my friend and calls him "Sir"...that usually slows him down...


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## WhiplashWish (Mar 20, 2017)

It's a passive aggressive message to you. Figuring out what he's trying to say is the thing...

It's also hella disrespectful. I'm a guy, and I notice attractive women, of course, but I would be crushed and embarrassed if my wife was aware of it - especially at times when I'm with her. I'd feel terrible if I made her feel the way your man is making you feel.

And while all men may look, not all men stare and not all men make their wives feel bad; not all men leer and ogle - particularly not in the presence of the woman they love.


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## nicnakx (May 3, 2017)

These replies have really surprised me.. specially from the men of the forum! I was certain it'd be 'oh it's normal, so what' and other similar comments but hearing from males that they find it disrespectful too has made me think I'm not so crazy after all.. he's deffo crossing the line for sure with the staring 

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## jaquen (Mar 1, 2012)

nicnakx said:


> Not at all. I explained why I mentioned the size but you still seem to be commenting, not sure what your trying to get at to be honest 🤔 it's alittle strange
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk


I was asking because context is everything. I, and a couple others in this thread, were asking what bothered you the most, him looking at women, or him looking at women who aren't your size/shape.

One is about him, the other is about you. I don't want to assume that your root issue is him looking; not every woman cares about that. Your issue could very well root from a fear that he's not as attracted to your body as you'd like, that his looking at SLIM women is indicative of a deeper issue that he's not being honest about. 

How you approach the situation is based largely on what's actually bothering you. If it's about him lusting after a body type you don't have, you potentially have an issue on your hands that's still there even if you get him to stop ogling women while you're with him.


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## WilliamM (Mar 14, 2017)

From your further explanations it does seem your boyfriend's actions are meant to bother you, or done with callous disregard to how they bother you.

Maybe he is trying to send some sort of twisted round about message, and of course he can't just talk to you, that would be way too open and honest.

It is possible he just doesn't really care that it bothers you, and he only curbed his actions for a while to placate you and now has fallen back into his old habits since he couldn't manage to keep up his acting for long. It is written here many places it is wise to wait quite a while to see just really how a person acts, and assume they are putting on an act for months to years, during the beginning of a relationship.


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## CuddleBug (Nov 26, 2012)

nicnakx said:


> My boyfriend has always done this.. yes I sound like a jealous cow but I'm really not.
> So whenever me and my boyfriend go out for the day he eyes up every slim girl he sees. I'm not fat or thin.. I'm in the middle, my body hasn't decided which way to go yet &#55357;&#56834; anyway he'll say you don't need to diet I like you as you are etc.etc. then the next minute he's drooling over other women, now I know it's natural to have a quick look but he stares and it's quite uncomfortable and to be completely honest makes me feel like crap.. he obviously denys it all constantly, he's a man that's what they do! But should I be upset? I'm confused, why try and pursued me to not diet because he likes my chunk but then can't take his eyes off slimmer ladies. &#55358;&#56596;
> Am I crazy or should I feel abit upset? He confuses me.
> 
> Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk




Your body type is ideal. I don't find skinny girls attractive and I don't find very fat girls attractive either. Middle is just perfect. Some cushion for the pushin' is what I like.


Your man shouldn't be drooling or making it obvious he's checking out other ladies when he's with you. That's a big no - no.


You can look, just be discrete and that goes for you as well.


By him doing this, knowing you really don't appreciate it, show me he's immature and just a jerk.


When I'm out with Mrs.CuddleBug, and there are hot ladies, I never leer and drool over them. I look discretely.


Try this. The next time you guys are out, drool over a hot guy......she how he deals with it.:grin2:


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Your boyfriend staring down any type of woman is disrespectful, regardless of your body type. He's entitled to a glance, but nothing more. 

Next time he stares, you might remind him playfully that his girlfriend is you, not her. If that doesn't work you might try public shaming, like calling him out on staring, right in the act. Ideally you'll do this loudly, so the girl he's checking out will notice and others around, resulting in multiple stares on him.

He needs a few negative associations to stop doing staring as much. There's no stopping it completely though. When a man stops looking, he's dead...or gay!


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