# Would you jump into the dating scene at 50?



## StillSearching (Feb 8, 2013)

I have many friends (all male) that completely despise the current dating scene.
I'm on the verge of a divorce with my friends telling me " Don't do it" 
As a 50 year old man this new internet dating is a disaster. 
Most women have so many connections to other people asking them out that they are never up front and honest.
I'd like to see what other older men think about jumping back into the dating pool? 
My wife was unfaithful and I know what I had was terrible, but whats out there? Is there any monogamy?


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## Married but Happy (Aug 13, 2013)

I jumped back in at 45, but that was years ago now. OLD worked great for me. But, if you're in a bad marriage, had a cheating wife, I think you can do better. I'm not saying it will be easy, and it probably won't be quick, but it CAN be fun and work out well. Don't forget: many women back in the dating pool want monogamy, too. Many have been cheated on, and don't want that to happen again. You'll learn to screen out those who don't want the same thing, but it will take some time and experience for it to become second nature. Do make sure you're compatible with someone before getting too deeply involved. I've seen too many people latch onto someone who seems good early on, and not take the time to be sure that those early impressions stand the test of time.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I'm in my 60's, and I'm active on POF and OKC, and I'm totally of the mindset that online dating, at least at those two sites, is totally flakey!

Let's just say that they seem to be far more driven with selling its extra services and keeping it as inconvenient as they possibly can for both its "non-paying" and "low-paying" clientele!*


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## GuyInColorado (Dec 26, 2015)

Hell yea... get in great shape and go for ladies in their 40's/50's. Life is much better with a woman that loves you and wants your junk 24/7!


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## Mr. Nail (Apr 26, 2011)

I'm 50 and have been in a LTR for 30 years. we are going through some pain in transitioning to empty nest, so I've thought about a break up and where it would lead. Here is my twisted logic for what it's worth. after 30 years, A good recovery period of 10% would be three years. After 3 years single I would, based on current patterns, be thoroughly set in my ways. living alone, sleeping alone, cooking for one, going out when and where I want without planning and permissions, that getting involved in a relationship would be difficult at best. Finding someone who would put up with me, nearly impossible. So no, if something happens in the next 5 years I have no intention of getting back in the game.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

My wife would kill me


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

No, I don't think I would. I'm 42. I've been with DH since I was 24. I dearly love him and I can't imagine anyone could fill his shoes. If I end up single, I'm sticking to my friends, family, and companion animals.


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## aine (Feb 15, 2014)

StillSearching said:


> I have many friends (all male) that completely despise the current dating scene.
> I'm on the verge of a divorce with my friends telling me " Don't do it"
> As a 50 year old man this new internet dating is a disaster.
> Most women have so many connections to other people asking them out that they are never up front and honest.
> ...


I'm not a man but same age and may have to at some point the way my marriage is going.

However, the idea of going through the whole dating scene puts me off completely, though I wouldn't fancy the idea of remaining alone either. I think you should just take one day at a time, slow and steady, no need to rush.
But yes there will be good women out there too.

In my case I'll probably just get more dogs


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

I dated a 50 year old man a couple years ago that I met via online dating. We had a lovely relationship that lasted 4 months, before parting amicably. He'd had pretty good luck with online dating, and when we last spoke several months ago I believe he was still using that resource to meet women. My SO and I have been together 18 months, he's 49 and we met on Match. Again, he'd been using online dating sites off and on for several years with mostly good luck. Some people find online dating works just fine for them, others dislike it or find it frustrating. I think it's probably dependent on what you're looking for and what your expectations are, as to whether or not online dating is your thing. 

Oh, and I will say that the biggest mistake I see people make with dating - online or not - after a divorce is that they start dating before they're actually ready. If you can't explain what happened in your marriage in less than 3 sentences and with no hint of bitterness, you're not ready. If you still hate your ex, you're not ready. If you can't stand to be alone or can't be happy by yourself, you're not ready. If you can't be honest and clear with yourself and anyone you date regarding what you're actually looking for - no matter what that is - you're not ready. People who aren't ready wind up hurting others, and themselves eventually.

When, or if, you ever decide you are ready to date again and would like to do so, have fun with it. It's not a life or death thing. It's meant to be fun, so enjoy yourself and don't take it too seriously.


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## cc48kel (Apr 5, 2017)

aine said:


> I'm not a man but same age and may have to at some point the way my marriage is going.
> 
> However, the idea of going through the whole dating scene puts me off completely, though I wouldn't fancy the idea of remaining alone either. I think you should just take one day at a time, slow and steady, no need to rush.
> But yes there will be good women out there too.
> ...



Someday I'm sure I will be in your shoes. I think I would enjoy my own comfortable place with a couple animals... doing my own thing.. : ) Then once I was ready I would try. There are many 50 and 60 yr olds looking who are kind and genuine-- just have to do some weeding to get to them. If I did meet someone I would be in no hurry to marry or even live together.


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## farsidejunky (Mar 19, 2014)

I know one thing for certain. I would not let the prospect of dating at 50 be the deciding factor in whether or not I decided to end a marriage due to infidelity.


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## Ynot (Aug 26, 2014)

I am a 56 year old man. Divorced for almost three years now. It was not something that I wanted, but here I am. So...
As far as OLD goes, it really depends on what you are looking for. You are going to meet a whole boatload of women. Some of them are honest about their intent (including their profile pics) while others will be somewhat less so. 
One thing I would caution you is to figure out what you want first. As others have said, it is easy to fall into the trap of any one is better than no one. But once you become friends with yourself, you are never alone. 
Divorce is not easy. It will scar you. Allow yourself to heal before jumping back in. You don't have to be 100% (none of us are, regardless). 
Use this opportunity to get to know yourself, explore, make mistakes (lots of them) and learn from each one.


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

*I do like all of the questions that OKC puts forth because you can read the answers of potential dates and can really read between the lines.

While Ol' Arb desires someone who is at least quasi-educated, sophisticated, easy on the eyes, in good physical shape and health, and in my age range; who is also Christian and who is not aversive to sex and/or affection! 

Maybe I'm just placing far too many parameters on them, but I don't really think so!

I hate getting these 1 or 2 line pseudo-messages from women, then read their profile and they are absolutely nothing that I'd ever care to entertain.

I equally hate seeing someone who meets my criteria that I try to reach out to, and either get a precursory response of interest from them, or never hear from them again, or get absolutely no reply or response from them at all!

Let's just say that this online dating mechanism for old farts like me is anything but fun! *


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## Hope1964 (Sep 26, 2011)

Well I'm not a guy, but as a 52 year old woman, I think the problem people have with getting back into dating after a failed marriage is that they're too needy. In other words, they want a relationship WAY too badly. I really think the key to a good relationship - at ANY age - is to not NEED to be in one, and definitely to not NEED a certain person. Learn how to be happy on your own first. Learn about yourself - what you like and dislike, what you want to do and where you want to go, what kinds of people you want to be around, all that stuff. And don't go LOOKING for someone. Once you enjoy your own company, be content with that. Any relationship that happens should be a BONUS.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Hope1964 said:


> Well I'm not a guy, but as a 52 year old woman, I think the problem people have with getting back into dating after a failed marriage is that they're too needy. In other words, they want a relationship WAY too badly. I really think the key to a good relationship - at ANY age - is to not NEED to be in one, and definitely to not NEED a certain person. Learn how to be happy on your own first. Learn about yourself - what you like and dislike, what you want to do and where you want to go, what kinds of people you want to be around, all that stuff. And don't go LOOKING for someone. Once you enjoy your own company, be content with that. Any relationship that happens should be a BONUS.




Woot! 


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

MrH V.2 and I met via OLD when he was just on 50. Been together 6 years now and very happily married with a blended family of 5 older kids. 
Finding a person to be in a great relationship with is nothing more than luck so if you are not out there then you will never find that person.

But like the others have said don't be out there until you are ready.


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

MrsHolland said:


> MrH V.2 and I met via OLD when he was just on 50. Been together 6 years now and very happily married with a blended family of 5 older kids.
> 
> Finding a person to be in a great relationship with is nothing more than luck so if you are not out there then you will never find that person.
> 
> ...




Do you mind if I ask how old you were? I think that might help as well for perspective


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

TheTruthHurts said:


> Do you mind if I ask how old you were? I think that might help as well for perspective
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


I was 44 at the time


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

I can't see myself enjoying the dating scene as I currently understand it (which is admittedly poorly).

I think if I did do something I'd probably just join a few Meetup groups and see if anything happened organically.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

Some folks have a target age of 50. Some REALLY good catches. Like:

Self-sustainable 
Super hot (for her age, so she's been told )
Kids are grown
Wise in the ways of luuuv
Prefers monogamy
Knows what she wants
Willing to do what it takes to get it 

Oh snap! I just described single ladies "around" 50. You're welcome girls :x



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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

MrsHolland said:


> MrH V.2 and I met via OLD when he was just on 50. Been together 6 years now and very happily married with a blended family of 5 older kids.
> Finding a person to be in a great relationship with is nothing more than luck so if you are not out there then you will never find that person.
> 
> But like the others have said don't be out there until you are ready.


It's not luck by any stretch.

It's location, finances, presence of skeletons, obligations, health issues, and many other non luck related things.

It also depends on male or female. A 50 year old female will have to be super stunning to attract most 50 year old executive or professional guys, and more likely than not, such stunning 50 year olds are already taken (here in the rust belt at least).

Likewise, I can't see how "yea, I make six figures but five of those are paying for medical school hence the 1 bedroom apartment" is conducive to standing out 😷.

Case in point. About ten years ago I used to work with a striking good looking woman from India. Her husband of ten years was also working here. He was the most awesome mellow guy, she was the Indian version of my wife. They divorced and five or six years later she's still single - for a reason. She's certified BSC. I know a few more divorced and still single men and women and a number of them, well, let's just say they're a beer or two short of a six-pack.

Again, this is Rust Belt divorce-a-nomics. I'm sure normal people divorce too. But to those of us weary of another BSC partner it's a reason for concern.

OLD is great if you're in a larger more diverse city here and are looking for someone mainstream. A couple colleagues married off OLD and neither was what I would call a resounding success. Wasn't disaster either just not my choice.

I'm sure Louisville or Columbus Ohio are different than Australia. A very good friend actually married her OLD partner in Western Australia and happily moved there. It could work for the rest of us, but I'm not quite sure yet.


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## Talker67 (Apr 7, 2016)

its like anything you did when you were young, but now its scary to think of you trying it again. But i believe if you just go for it...you will find it is like riding a bike...you never forget how to do it. good luck


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

The techniques may be similar but the candidate pool math is considerably different. That's the concern many of us 50+ are looking at addressing. OLD is like the "infinite monkeys" saying in computer science...


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

It helps to be in an area of many million people I suppose


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

john117 said:


> *It's not luck by any stretch.*
> 
> It's location, finances, presence of skeletons, obligations, health issues, and many other non luck related things.
> 
> ...


I do think luck has a huge amount to do with it. I was lucky to have met MrH V.2 as he is a great match for me, I had various other interactions prior to meeting him which were fun but not great LTR matches. So it is a numbers game and some of us are lucky to meet a good one.

But yes I live in a big city so it is much easier to meet people.


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## Personal (Jan 16, 2014)

MrsHolland said:


> I was 44 at the time


Happy 50th!!!!! :yay::yay::yay:


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## MrsHolland (Jun 18, 2016)

Personal said:


> Happy 50th!!!!! :yay::yay::yay:


Thank You Sir 

life at 50 is fantastic


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## Satya (Jun 22, 2012)

My husband found me on OKC while I was dating. He was 49 and I was 33. We'd both been through marriage once before. Our birthday is the same month, separated by several weeks. 

I think he had a very happy 50th. We were married 1.5 years later... Opting for a town hall wedding because we just wanted to be married. We've both been very happy since.

He doesn't mention it often, but I know he regrets not being younger. I think he fears leaving me alone in this world or needing taking care of. I realize that anything may happen, and I'm prepared for all possibilities. The truth is, I would happily care for him if needed, because he is so unfailingly good to me.

My mother is 62 and found her match after remaining a widow for 12 years. By choice - she did not feel ready to date until recently.

I would tell you what I would tell anyone, regardless of age. While you still live and breathe, you have opportunity. Nothing good comes easy, but sometimes the Universe (or whatever you believe in) smiles on you when you're not paying attention.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

I was divorced at 33 at in no hurry to find another partner. I did put my toe into the OLD pond, but it wasn't for me. Instead, I met women the old fashioned way for the most part.

Simply put, I became social again. Going out with friends and actually doing things - that's where you meet people.

My wife and I have a good friend who's in the midst of a divorce. She just turned 50, but she fits in very well with us 'younger' folks (wife is late 30's, I'm early 40's). She's financially stable and independent, will have a sizeable pension and is planning on retiring in a couple of years (and can do it), owns a house, has no kids (and the body to prove it, my wife says!) and has values, goes to church, volunteers and is just generally a cool person.

We're noticing that men are starting to flock to her now, and it's amazing to watch. She's not ready for a relationship (she still triggers about her pending divorce from time to time) and she desperately (her words) wants to get laid again, but won't because she knows she's not ready. In short, she's going to be quite the catch for some lucky guy when she's ready.

My point is that I don't think she's as rare as many of us think, and that there's plenty of people around this age range that are single.

What I found in my briefly single days in my early 30's was a bunch of women who still didn't know what they wanted, who had never been married, had young children, and who decided "now is the time to settle down".

At ~50, you're going to find women who know what they want (and what they don't want), and who don't play games. Their emotional baggage (apart from a previous marriage, I suppose) is long in their past. If they have kids, they're probably adult age and out of the house. Financial stability. Looking for an actual partner in life, not a hunky stud with a great job - that sort of thing. And yes, probably with a pretty healthy sexual appetite and attitude. Bonus!


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

I would take it easy. When i seen somone that looked appealing and available. I would just start a conversation if body language showed intresrt i would ask her out. 

If rejected no big deal next.


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Alex, I would not assume people put their baggage in the past. Take any messed up partner from TAM and tell me they'll be better in 5 years. With or without professional intervention... I would not bet on it.

Catches like the 50 year old woman described above are rare, compared to the recently dumped BSC folk.


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## Fozzy (Jul 20, 2013)

john117 said:


> Alex, I would not assume people put their baggage in the past. Take any messed up partner from TAM and tell me they'll be better in 5 years. With or without professional intervention... I would not bet on it.
> 
> Catches like the 50 year old woman described above are rare, compared to the recently dumped BSC folk.


For every BSC divorcee, there's a (relatively) sane divorcee that dumped them.


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## frusdil (Sep 5, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> No, I don't think I would. I'm 42. I've been with DH since I was 24. I dearly love him and I can't imagine anyone could fill his shoes. If I end up single, I'm sticking to my friends, family, and companion animals.


Same. I cant imagine any man comparing to my husband  I'd just get more dogs hehehehe.



Elizabeth001 said:


> Some folks have a target age of 50. Some REALLY good catches. Like:
> 
> Self-sustainable
> Super hot (for her age, so she's been told )
> ...


Not always! My husbands ex wife is 55 and their daughter is about to turn 13. Not what her 60 year old boyfriend had in mind when they met, lol.


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## MJJEAN (Jun 26, 2015)

frusdil said:


> Same. I cant imagine any man comparing to my husband  I'd just get more dogs hehehehe.


Crazy Dog Ladies, unite!


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

frusdil said:


> Same. I cant imagine any man comparing to my husband  I'd just get more dogs hehehehe.
> 
> 
> 
> ...




I said some...let's give the man hope 


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

Fozzy said:


> For every BSC divorcee, there's a (relatively) sane divorcee that dumped them.


True. How do you tell who's who?


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Well I'm 56 and just about to jump into OLD. Hopefully I can get my daughter to take some good photos this afternoon. I was always the one taking family photos, so I have extremely few of myself, and none that are suitable for a profile pic.

It is just a year since we separated, 6 months since the divorce was finalized. I'm starting to feel interested in dating, though I don't see myself ever marrying again unless there is a strong pre-nup (or no pre-nup if she's worth more than $10 million  ).

Anyhow, I've had numerous friends offer to set me up with divorced friends of theirs who are responsible adults (not into drugs, have a good job, are saving for retirement, have good kids, etc). These women are not on the OLD sites because they are tired of flakey dates or guys who lied about everything in their profiles.

I've gotten involved in several MeetUp groups which has been a good way to just socialize with a new bunch of people, most of whom are women though that was not by my design. I'd actually prefer more men in some of these groups.

Anyhow, there are many ways to meet good women after divorce in addition to OLD. People you already know, and new activities not designed specifically as dating.

As someone already said, I would never stay married to a cheater just because of fear of OLD. Divorce over age 50 is on the increase, so there is an increasing pool of available singles. Dive in!


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## TheTruthHurts (Oct 1, 2015)

Someone here, when talking about OLD, said they had hundreds of dates to find a mate. It was eye opening. I guess the strategy must have been to accept all offers, have coffee or something simple, then move on politely if there's no match

I would think that would be a great strategy but you'd have to prepare for it and integrate it into your normal working day. It's easy enough to step out for a quick Meetup if your mind is set on that.



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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

If you want to have some hilarious time, look up Melani Robinson. She's an author who did a year long experiment with OLD after she became widowed at 50. She's very good looking, very charming, lives in Gotham City, and if her experience is anywhere near common I'm dating a widow from my village.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

john117 said:


> True. How do you tell who's who?


By whoever initiated the divorce proceedings. That's a matter of public record too!


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

_anonymous_ said:


> By who initiated the divorce proceedings. That's a matter of public record too!


Are we supposed to assume that the ones who filed for divorce are the crazy ones, or the sane ones? 

Plenty of really crazy folks leave and file. Plenty of really sane folks do the same.


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## _anonymous_ (Apr 18, 2016)

Rowan said:


> Are we supposed to assume that the ones who filed for divorce are the crazy ones, or the sane ones?
> 
> Plenty of really crazy folks leave and file. Plenty of really sane folks do the same.


Point taken. This can go both ways.

It's completely my guess though that more often than not, the sanest person in a divorce is the one who decided to leave.


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

_anonymous_ said:


> By who initiated the divorce proceedings. That's a matter of public record too!




Hahhaaa! Right on. lol 


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## Elizabeth001 (May 18, 2015)

_anonymous_ said:


> Point taken. This can go both ways.
> 
> 
> 
> It's completely my guess though that more often than not, the sanest person in a divorce is the one who decided to leave.




Agreed. 


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

john117 said:


> Alex, I would not assume people put their baggage in the past. Take any messed up partner from TAM and tell me they'll be better in 5 years. With or without professional intervention... I would not bet on it.
> 
> Catches like the 50 year old woman described above are rare, compared to the recently dumped BSC folk.


I meant more like their baggage isn't recent, I guess. It does make a difference, IMO.

When I met my now wife, I had an ex wife who was still somewhat present in my life (was going through the divorce paperwork etc. at the time and was selling our/my house). She had younger kids, so I had to deal with the father a few times a week (still do, of course, but it's been 9+ years now). The baggage was recent and palpable. I had been on my own for 4-5 months by that time, and her for almost a year - and we each still had to deal with one another's exes in one capacity or another. I still do!

There's no doubt our friend will have her own baggage (such as not wanting to be hurt again, for example) but - she knows what the eff she wants - and doesn't want. I'm not sure most 20 or 30-somethings do.

Funny enough, she also has several single, similarly-aged friends, some of whom seem to be on par with her. Yes, she's a catch for sure, and she won't last long on the market once she's ready to go again, but she's not the only woman (or man) around that age that we know in a similar situation.

My wife and I have agreed that her STBX husband is nuts for leaving her. There was no adultery on either side - he just had enough. Of what, we're not sure. She's at a loss, too. But it is what it is. I've known her for almost 10 years now, and I haven't got a hint of "crazy".


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## john117 (May 20, 2013)

_anonymous_ said:


> By who initiated the divorce proceedings. That's a matter of public record too!


LOLZ.... Maybe the dating sites can offer it as a premium service 😎


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## Openminded (Feb 21, 2013)

Staying with a cheater is not the better choice. I did that for decades. Bad mistake. 

I am well beyond 50 and have never used OLD but I date now and then. I don't want another relationship so casual dating is good. 

I remember your story. You need to get out. That's life after divorce. Find it.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Openminded said:


> Staying with a cheater is not the better choice. I did that for decades. Bad mistake.
> 
> I am well beyond 50 and have never used OLD but I date now and then. I don't want another relationship so casual dating is good.
> 
> I remember your story. You need to get out. That's life after divorce. Find it.


And that's the crux of the problem - somebody who can't be alone, who has to weigh the options between being with a cheater, or taking their chances OLD and possibly never settling down again. If you're at a point in your marriage where you're starting to think about dating other people, and a future without your current partner - you probably shouldn't be with them. You obviously don't love them the way you should, and at that point, it's only about being scared of being alone. Not a good reason to be married.

I was scared, too, when faced with being on my own. In fact, once the shock of my ex wife leaving wore off (quickly, I might add, she was nothing but a negative), THAT was what I was most afraid of.

A few weeks in, I was thinking "this isn't so bad!". And shortly after that, "this is pretty awesome!"


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## Wolf1974 (Feb 19, 2014)

I think it depends on what you seek. For dating,fun,hookup,OLD is awesome. 

Finding a true connection and relationship is difficult at any age in my opinion. You may never have a deep relationship again.but least you'll have fun and not be with a cheater which is money in the bank to me.

Did you ever consider a definition of life that wasn't hinged on a relationships? Once you let that go life becomes much more fulfilling in my opinion.


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## ChargingCharlie (Nov 14, 2012)

I'm turning 50 in a couple of weeks - no way would I ever jump back in the dating scene. I'm already somewhat miserable in my marriage, and if we split up, I'd devote my time to my kids and my business. 

I'm also the type who's better off single, which I wish I had realized when I did online dating when I was 33/34. Only had one serious relationship up to that time, and didn't even go on a date in the four-plus years before I started internet dating (the reason that I started OLD was because the friend i hung out with all the time met his now-wife).

Between kids and feeling happier alone, I'd never go back in the dating scene. I don't need sex that bad (our marriage has been sexless for at least the past seven years), and I just want to enjoy my kids while I can as an older parent.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

_anonymous_ said:


> Point taken. This can go both ways.
> 
> It's completely my guess though that more often than not, the sanest person in a divorce is the one who decided to leave.


In my case we had agreed I would be the one to file, yet she jumped the gun and filed anyways. That was definitely indicative of her nature.

I would put little weight on who filed for divorce as indicating who was guilty of infidelity or who was BSC.


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## WasDecimated (Mar 23, 2011)

I was about 50 when my divorce from XWW was final. I knew it was going to be tough but I was optimistic. My instinct was to replace what I had lost in my life. I initially jumped in to OLD, and after 6 months, jumped back out. I even went back 1/1/2 years later to try again and immediately began to realize why I stopped the first time. I quickly learned that it was a jungle out there. 

I found that most of the women I had met were just as messed up as my XWW…some worse. Some were in the midst of mid-life crisis. Some had cheated on their husbands. There were some middle-aged women game players…juggling multiple guys and not honest about it. Some were serial daters just filling up their date cards for the free dinners and drinks. A couple of them wanted sex on the first date…not my thing. Some of them were just looking for a guy with a money, a nice house, boat…financially secure, to take care of them. Quite a few of them were living off alimony, which was soon to run out, and had no career or passions in life and were looking for a KISA. There even seems to be a marked increase in the amount of women that are only interested in younger guys. There was even one woman who was still married! Many of them didn’t look at all like their profile pictures and a few were almost unrecognizable. It was obvious that some of the pictures they posted were as much as 10 years old and 50 lbs. ago.

Health and fitness are important to me. I have always worked out and exercised to stay in good shape. I was not looking for a swim suit model just someone who has at least made an effort over the years to stay healthy. Honestly, I didn’t find many women that put much effort into this. Most look like they gave up years ago even though their profile stated that they exercised “3-5 times a week” and were “athletic and toned”, they were not. I understand that exercise isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but if your profile states “exercise 3-5 times a week” and “athletic and toned”, don’t be 50-75 lbs. overweight.

Also, in my area there are at least 1/3 more men on OLD than women. The odds are much better for women. They have much more to choose from. The average woman gets many, many more messages than an above average man. My sister was on OLD for a while. She was inundated with messages, winks, and photo comments. She would get as many as 30 or more messages a day! I don’t look my age, I feel I am a decent looking guy, not Brad Pitt but not bad. I am tall and physical fit, financially secure professional, great career, honest, hardworking, fun loving…etc. On paper, I should be a catch right? I was lucky to get one message a day…usually less. My sister did tell me something interesting that I also read online. She admitted that getting all that attention did inflate her ego and sense of attraction value and she started overlooking all but the most attractive men.

I initially started messaging women, within 5 years of my age, I thought I might have something in common with and was interested meeting. I would carefully craft messages that would have just the right amount of humor, ask questions about things in there profiles, and all the things that the “experts say you should include in a first message, and guess what…crickets…nothing! Since that didn’t work. I decided to take the passive approach and only respond to messages from women. This worked out a little better but then I encountered the women in from the second paragraph. There were a few women that I met and walked away from the first date thinking there was a genuine mutual interest and attraction only to have them Poof and disappear. 

Obviously I didn’t have much luck. I’m no longer interested in OLD. I would rather meet someone naturally…if that’s in the cards. But I’m now almost 55 now and the older I get, the less I care about dating and companionship. I have found so many other fulfilling interests in life to keep me busy and happy and not have to worry about dividing up my remaining assets again.

I am seeing a growing number of men who have been through the hell of infidelity and divorce who are deciding not to get involved again, at least not seriously. It seems to be a trend. I certainly understand how they feel. At my age, I am completely self sufficient and don't really need anyone. The risks just out number the rewards.

I hope you have better luck that I did if you decide to jump in.


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## alexm (Nov 29, 2008)

Thor said:


> In my case we had agreed I would be the one to file, yet she jumped the gun and filed anyways. That was definitely indicative of her nature.
> 
> I would put little weight on who filed for divorce as indicating who was guilty of infidelity or who was BSC.


That's it.

My semi-BSC cheating ex wife was the one to announce, and then file.

In the case of our (50 year old) friend, it's her STBX husband that was borderline BSC. Mid-50's, partied like he was 20-something, any free time was with the guys golfing or just at the bar. He filed for divorce.

Also, FWIW, she's 99% certain there was no infidelity. He was very LD throughout their 10+ years together, and sounds an awful lot like my wife.

I don't think it's indicative of anything, IMO. It may skew a little towards the filer being the relatively sane (or innocent) one, but it's most definitely not a real indicator of anything. Cheaters, liars, *******s and BSC folks also file for divorce, or want out of marriages.


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## Dannip (Jun 13, 2017)

Date and socialize. Sure!! 

Marry? I'd not be interested in a commitment. With that as a solid true true attitude, it's remarkable what great ladies you'll meet. Of all ages. 

They seem to sense this in you. Seems you'll seriously attract decent ladies if you ain't lookin'

This make any sense at all?


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## dianaelaine59 (Aug 15, 2016)

Awwww come on guys! I'm 65 but look much younger, in the dating scene and approached by many many men, some as young as my son. Yikes! 

I'm still very sexual, fun, flirty, and am enjoying this just as much if not more, than when I was 30-40. 

I will say, I'm also a bit alternative .... so that seems to attract even more men. 

You're 50? You're still a baby! Hell yeah, get out there and have fun! 


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk


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## Haiku (Apr 9, 2014)

Dating prospects had no baring on my decision to divorce or remain married. 

I divorced in 2014 [has it been that long already?] and haven't dated yet. I suppose it depends where you live but there seems to be plenty of opportunities available.


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## Vinnydee (Jan 4, 2016)

I live among 130,000 55+ year old people. The dating scene her is very active as is the swinging and wife swapping scene. We even have a very active LGBTQ+ group. What happens is that the husbands usually die before their wives. After a year or so those women get horny. There are two scenarios. The first is that the wife wants another man, for financial support or for love. The second scenario is that those close to death want to try everything they have not tried in life so far. Some women were held back by very conservative husbands and now want to go wild. The old sex bucket list. Gang bang, black men, and various fetishes. Add a very strong drinking culture and you have lot so sex going on. It is better for the men though. The women outnumber men 10 to 1. They fight over eligible men and will do anything to get them, anything!

I am 66 and already told my wife that if she dies before me, I am bring a date to her funeral.  She says if I die before her, she is done with men and will find a wife who wants to try living with a woman.


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## Betrayedone (Jan 1, 2014)

Fozzy said:


> I can't see myself enjoying the dating scene as I currently understand it (which is admittedly poorly).
> 
> I think if I did do something I'd probably just join a few Meetup groups and see if anything happened organically.


Meetup is GREAT! It helped save me. Might want to try OUR TIME site......


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## honcho (Oct 5, 2013)

MJJEAN said:


> Crazy Dog Ladies, unite!


Last woman I dated her goal was to become the "crazy cat lady". When we first started dating I thought she was just being sarcastic. I should have believed her haha. She was basically sharing custody of the 5 cats with her ex. When we broke up she immediately went and got 2 more cats......

Dating at 50 does have its challenges. I gave up on dating sites, last time I tried them a site sent me recommended potential matches which turned out to be my brothers ex wife and a woman I had fired 2 years earlier. Maybe it's just that I'm getting older but I'm just not that interested in playing the dating game, learning a person's quirks, seeing if they are interested in me and willing to put up with my quirks. In the majority of cases people have older kids and if you don't they wonder or think you don't like kids. I quickly learned that with online site you get a bunch of inquires and almost all are either just divorced or in the middle of it. They are lonely and looking for anyone available much more than interested in you. 

Location and population size does play apart, I live in a small town I know most everybody. I wasn't interested in dating these people when I was young and single and now that I'm old and divorced the pickings aren't any better haha! I think too many jump into dating and a relationship too quick and almost all of my friends that got divorced dated too quick and ended up just picking a clone of the ex spouse and all the same problems resurfaced just with a different person. 

Living single has its benefits, take time to enjoy it and figure out what you really want.


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## chillymorn69 (Jun 27, 2016)

Lol free thinkers!

What the he'll does that mean?

Isn't everybody free to think whatever they want?

Lol everytime I see someone describe themselves as a free thinker, I laugh.


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## westbank23 (Mar 8, 2013)

If I was 50 I would lol..im still a youngin but I see alot of fine women from my generation throwing themselves at older men 

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## Maka (Jun 21, 2014)

I won't even jump nto the dating scene at 25 and never married because I know what's out there. I do wish you luck with whatever you choose.


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## Diana7 (Apr 19, 2016)

StillSearching said:


> I have many friends (all male) that completely despise the current dating scene.
> I'm on the verge of a divorce with my friends telling me " Don't do it"
> As a 50 year old man this new internet dating is a disaster.
> Most women have so many connections to other people asking them out that they are never up front and honest.
> ...


Yes there is monogamy and there are good people about, but unfortunately so many now are only after sex and casual relationships. My first marriage ended after 23 years when I was in my early 40's. After 4 years I felt ready to think about meeting a man and I wanted to marry again.I had no interest in casual sex or casual relationships. After 2 years I met my now husband of 11 years. I was lucky because I am a Christian and I only looked on sites specifically for Christians, so most men there were fairly moral and weren't there to have casual sex. On the other hand there are far more women than men on Christian dating sites. 
Be choosy about the sites you go on. Never used tinder or similar, and don't use free ones. Do some research and find the good sites where people are looking for proper relationships.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

Today I am setting up my first OLD profile. First impressions: There are a ton of women in my age group online! Their profiles seem to give a good indication of who they are and what they're looking for, but you have to read between the lines on some of them. Some make it pretty clear how shallow they are by what they are looking for (tall, rich, athletic, lolz), but most at least in the over 50 crowd seem to be pretty straight forward in their likes/dislikes.

Overall while it seems a bit intimidating at first, OLD looks to be a useful tool.

The number of available women really has surprised me, and that is just on the one site.


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## TX-SC (Aug 25, 2015)

I'm 48. Would I jump back into the dating scene? Yeah, but I'd do it on my own terms. I'd be in no hurry and would take some time to myself. Before I jumped onto an online dating site, I'd enjoy the weekend nightlife for a while. I'd catch some live bands and see what the situation is with the 45+ crowd in terms of single women. I'd probably spend a year doing nothing but working out and getting back into shape. I'd plan a cruise and some singles fun too. 

Now, since my kids are only 13 and 15, this would completely depend on their ages and situation. I certainly wouldn't put dating in front of their needs. So, if something happened to my wife in the next few years, I'd just hold off on anything until they are older.


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