# How do I stop hating her



## Howdoifixit (Nov 24, 2009)

I have been married to my wife for 7 months now, there is an age gap, I am 28 and she is 23, and we have a 14 month old daughter. 

During the time we were dating I had caught her out a couple of times sending and receiving what i would call inappropriate messages. usually of a sexual nature. We argued about it very heatedly and it resulted in her deleting all of her male contacts (I didnt ask for that) and promising not to contact them again.

We have had 2 miscarriages in the last year and my wife suffered from post natal depression. I work shift work as a police officer and find it hard to juggle both shedules.

About 4 months ago i caught her with the same type of messages in her saved items, one of a guy proclaiming his love for her and that he would leave his wife and kids to be with her.
there was also a topless photo of her on her mobile, taken that night and i did not have a mobile phone myself at the time.

I confronted her about it and she said it was one sided messages and the photo was for me. (she didnt realise that they are time stamped). She finally confessed to sending the wrong messages but claimed it was all getting out of control and she was trying to deal with it. She was adamant that the photo was never sent and was meant for me.

I told her that the time to come clean was then and she needed to tell me everything because if i found out there was more i would leave her.

The guy in question is a family friend of hers, in fact one of her fathers best friends. In her explanation she eventually told me that she had slept with him a few times before we had met. And in one of the aspects that still makes me sick, he was asked to make a speech at our wedding, which he did.

An opprtunity for a country police station came up and we both deided it would be a good idea and give us a fresh start. She is from the town we moved to so it was easy for her. I however had no contacts in the town.

As the last few months went by we have been drifting apart and i spend more and more time in my office because i have found it hard to spend time with her. i always harboured the thought that there was more to the story.

a month ago I took time off work and organised for us to go away for a few nights without our daughter to see if we could reconnect a bit. She had arranged for us to go out to a club with some of her friends and told me that her ex boyfriend was coming (not the one from the messgaes). Obviously we had an argument and the topic of the previous messages came up. when i was alone i decided to call the guy from the messages.

He admitted to everything including receiving the picture and tried to tell me that it was nothing you wouldnt expect in office flirting. (they dont work together).

From then on we have been arguing about the whole situation and i made her tell her parents as she never seems to have had to suffer a consequence from her actions before. At the moment we have seperated but are still living in the same house and I just cant seem to get my head together.

I have asked for her to give me some space so i can sort my head out and figure out where to go but she constantly keeps "checking in" on me.

She constantly keeps asking for sex and cuddles but i feel repulsed at the idea.

I just dont know how to get past the betrayal and the hurt. Its not only me but our daughter that has to go through this. I feel like my only option left is leaving, and then i lose a fair chunk of my daughters life too.

I do love my wife and I want to work it out, but whether its her fault or mine it just seems that everything she does makes me furious.

little help


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## dan681 (Nov 24, 2009)

I am going thru a very similar situation. I feel totally helpless!! I also have 2 kids to consider. My kids are older, 11 and 13. But I dont want to lose our relationship!! Im resigned to be miserable, until my kids are older?? I am trying counseling. My wife gets very defensive with the counseler. Try counseling. It made me feel a little better, even though it alienated my wife a little. You have to start somewhere. If you truly want to make it work, then you have to make a positive decision.


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## Howdoifixit (Nov 24, 2009)

Thats the great thing, We have booked counselling but in this country backwater there is no spots available till late Dec. I have asked her to move out to stay with her grandparents who live here but she refuses too. If i had somewhere to go i would leave myself and in any other relationship i would have, but this seems like its ripping two chunks out of my heart instead of one.


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

I'm so sorry to hear your pain. Do you love your wife and want to save the marriage? Or are you trying to figure a way out?

Lies are horrible things.


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## Howdoifixit (Nov 24, 2009)

I want to save our marriage. although now that may be a mute point. I had a look through her emails and she has been using a singles online account to speak to a few more guys. guess thats it. I gave her the option to come clean about everything and got her to write me a letter explaining what she has done and why and that that if she did tell me everything i would try to stick it out but if there was anything i found out about then it was over.

Im just waiting for her to wake up now. hopefully when all this is done i can start sleeping. Although, i start work in 15 hrs after being on holiday and i havent slept for three days straight. going to have to call in sick i dont think a sleep deprived man with a gun is going to keep the streets safe


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## Sven (Nov 18, 2009)

My wife dragged the affair out until I actually spoke with a lawyer. That made it crystal clear that I was finished with the B.S. and if she didn't work on the marriage it was over.

I suggest you do the same thing - see a lawyer and tell her about it. You'll quickly find out if she wants to work on the marriage or not.


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## Tweak (Nov 18, 2009)

I humbly suggest a paternity test.Married 7 months,you child is 14 months old and she is acting hot to trot?Having texting and phone sex with people? Sounds fishy to me.

Also does her Daddy know...she sexed his best friend?
quote-"The guy in question is a family friend of hers, in fact one of her fathers best friends."
Also the fact she "accidentally" sent a nude photo to her X lover?Who is her dads best friend?And you moved back to her hometown?Is this guy in the town?If so pack your crap and leave with her like yesterday.If she will not go....something is definitely up.
Sounds kinda fishy to me all the way around.


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## Victorianprude (Nov 30, 2009)

Fix,

Yo run on Tweak post.

Get the store brought DNA test, this is secret and is accurate.

And for god sake DO NOT HAVE SEX until everybody is tested for STD's.

The getting over mad, you have not even started your journey yet.


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