# Infidelity Repair Thesis



## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

Infidelity Repair Thesis

Before anybody reads this and has a cow this is my disclaimer. This is my opinion only on the matter at hand. It is something I feel strongly about. I put as much factual information in with my opinion. This is only my opinion. My wife and I have discussed this topic inside and out. I know my bounds with her and never intend to commit adultery on her ever. I know that if she ever found out I had commit adultery on her no matter how great anything else was it would end everything there and then. As she said to me her first stop would be the court house then a lawyer. I have communicated that I would do about the same thing. As some know this is my second marriage. The first one ended when I found out adultery was involved. So by now you might understand I am against commit adultery in a monogamous relationship. If someone has an open relationship, or agreed to multi-partners I hold no judgment. This is for the 75% of the people who agreed to be in a one on one relationship. Just because I feel something is wrong or immoral doesn’t mean everyone does. Everyone has their own opinion and set of morals. I do not nor ever will forgive or be a apologist for someone that is or wants to commit adultery. The one thing I have been most proud of in all my life is I set high morals for myself and always met them even when tempted. 

For many there is that chance to save the relationship they want, so here is my advice. 

I) Adulterer ~ If you have commit adultery on your mate and want to save what you have.

A) Stop it and cut all ties.

B) Don’t rush to tell them. It will hurt them and may end things anyways. I am not saying to lie either.

C) Take an honest look at your relationship. Fix it.

D) Learn to communicate better.

II) Catch’em ~ Not all adulterers have the same pattern but many do similar things. It doesn’t mean that you can read them and know if your spouse is commit adultery it might just be signs.

A) Change in behavior.

B) Change in temper.

C) They avoid you.

D) The walk away from you all the time.

E) The close communications with you.
F) They become secretive.

G) They ignore you.

H) Severely depressed- don't feeling like doing anything, Not hungry etc.

I) Hidden e-mail address(es) 

J) Redial ~ To find a strange number and once you say who you are they seem to have never been called by anyone in that house before.

K) Storming off ~ seems like they take anything wrong, storm off and are gone for hours.

L) Shows a lack of concern about your relationship. 

M) Not interested in celebrating birthdays, special events or holidays. 

N) Little or no enthusiasm for or during sex with you.

O) Ignores responsibilities. 




III) The other ~ The partner of your spouse will most likely be in close proximity
to them.

A) Work.~ Co-workers can get very close to someone when they spend 40+ hours a week with them.

B) Neighbor.~ Someone living close to you or them or did live close.

C) Friend ~ The friend can be your or theirs 

IV) Weakness ~ The more you try to break the cycle the worse it can get because your partner may now look at you as weak and the other person as strong.

V) Need ~ The wrong doer will think that they need to commit adultery or it is owed to them.

VI) Numbers ~ About 25% of men and 20% of women in a relationship commit adultery at some time. Now keep in mind that these are the people that said they where in a monogamous relationship.

VII) Cycle of self-blame, betrayal and anger takes over and leaves physical and emotional scares. Adultery in a way is a form of abuse.

VIII) Solution ~ There are many ways to fix the issue.

A) Silence ~ It can be golden and isolate a cheater into feeling the emotional emptiness.

B) Open Book ~ This is how a Adulterer trying to save a marriage must become. It shows their partner the truth so that trust can be built again.






C) Time ~ Most couples use therapy for 2-4 years once a week.

D) Contract ~ A written contract with the promise to never commit adultery again.

E) Cut ~ The Adulterer must cut all ties to the partner they cheated with. This will help build trust again.

F) Schedule ~ You must reasonably keep a schedule of time. This cuts the ability to find the time to commit adultery.

G) Vent ~ Some psychologists now suggest for the first year that the hurt partner be allowed 10 minutes every day were they can yell and scream. This venting is believed to help resolve the issues of betrayal and anger but in a controlled environment.

H) Answers ~ Allow a question and answer session so the spouse can cope with self-blame.

I) Beyond words ~ Rededicate yourself to your relationship in deeds.

IX) 77% ~ That is the number of adulterers that expect their partners to forgive their affair.

A) Only 43% actually will.

B) 54% felt guilty but enjoyed it, 18% just felt guilty, 28 felt no guilt.

X) Base Problem ~ Most of the time Infidelity is more then just sex for the adulterer. To make sure it will not happen again you need to discover that reason.

XI) Be clear on what you view as adultery. Pornography(0.3), Fantasy of another (0.8), Flirting (0.7), Cybersex (3.0), Only intercourse (38.0), Deep attachment (30.0), All of these (27.0)

A) Emotional Affair ~ Many people belive you can have an affair without ever having sex by using another for the support, love and empowerment you’d get from your partner. This has been something dear peggy has preached for years.

XII) Conclusion

A) All of the variables of life, children, jobs, personal failures, fights, disappointments in each other are all parts of choosing to love someone. Sometimes it's not fun, but it's a choice. 

B) One person can't make a relationship work, so it's going to take both of you making an effort. 

Draconis


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## Doubt&Wonder (Oct 29, 2007)

draconis said:


> II) Catch’em ~ Not all adulterers have the same pattern but many do similar things. It doesn’t mean that you can read them and know if your spouse is commit adultery it might just be signs.
> 
> A) Change in behavior.
> 
> ...






:scratchhead: :scratchhead: 


Hmm- I dont know what to say here for based on these statistics both my husband and I are having an affair......... and yet it is not with each other, nor with another.


:scratchhead: :scratchhead:


...... maybe I should be seeing warning signs - in the color of RED?


But - I hear YOU...... and over all :iagree:


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## draconis (Oct 3, 2007)

The list of catching them came from several books and e-books/blogs. If I found it in at least two sources and wasn't just to sell a book or product I put it up there. I am sure anyone reading it can say that everyone changes over time. But when changes are quick and seem to be without reason......
draconis


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## Doubt&Wonder (Oct 29, 2007)

draconis said:


> But when changes are quick and seem to be without reason......
> draconis



I get your meaning there..................... :ezpi_wink1:


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