# The past coming back to bite me in the butt?



## Jinx

When I first met my husband, I was already dating someone else at the time, and ended up having his baby at the ripe old age of 17. During that relationship, R was very abusive and controlling. When my baby was about 5 months old, I met another guy, and finally broke up with R. 

C and I started seeing each other, but after a month, as he was dropping me off at home, said "Well, this is the last time we'll be seeing each other." I asked "Why" and his response was "Well, I just wanted to f__k you and that's it." I was furious!!

About a month after that, my husband and I started dating. Then it happened. I skipped a period. I went to the doctors, and he ran some tests. Sure enough, I was pregnant..... again. He sent me for an ultrasound and I found out that I was about 2 1/2 months along. I confided in my husband (bf at the time) and instead of leaving me, he stuck by me, even though it was impossible for this child to be his. R and C know about this child.... but have never pushed the issue of them being the father, and at the time, I just didn't know for certain who the father was. As my son gets older, I'm almost certain that the father is C's. 

P (my husband) and I finished high school and moved in together a couple years after that. My second child always saw his older sibling leaving and spending time with his "daddy" After a long discussion P & I decided that we would ask my children if they wanted to call him daddy. Since then, my 2nd child only calls P by "dad." 

Since then, P & I married, and have had another child. My situation is that I strongly believe that his family doesn't look at my two older child as their aunte/uncle/grandparents (even after 17 plus years). Recently, I was at my MIL's office with my 2nd and 3rd children, and she introduced me, and MY child, and her grandchild to one of her co workers. There have been other family fuctions where P's brother has almost let it slip. 

I think maybe I have made a mistake by not telling my 2nd child that P isn't his real father. I'm horrified that someday 2nd child will find out and never speak to me again. And with the way P's family is, it could be any time we get together with them.

Over the years, I have explained to them that 2nd child doesn't know any different, and it would almost ruin him if he found out. My family gets it BUT P's family doesn't!

I thought I was making the right choice all those years ago. I'm not really sure what I should do here. Should I tell 2nd child now before he finds out from someone else. If so, how do i go about telling him that I have been lying to him all these years.


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## amberlynn

How old is your kid? I think its best he hear it from you then someone else, its best to deal with it now then later. When he gets older, he may realize things and begin to wonder. You and your husband should sit down with him and talk and just come clean, he maybe mad and hurt for a little while, but Im sure he will come to realize that you done what you thought was best for him. My sister was done this way, she doesnt know her father, the only father she knows is my dad, hes on her birth certificate, her mom and my dad sat down with her and explained everything to her, now that shes older, shes curious as to who her biological father is, and this may very well happen with your child. Wish you the best of luck.


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## nightshade

I think you should tell your child. But, only when they are old enough to understand. It saddens me that his family can't quite seem to embrace your child as part of the whole family unit and not just as an extension of you. Perhaps there needs to be another discussion there. 

My husband grew up with a father that was not his biological and when he was told, it didn't change a thing. To him, even though someone else was his bio father, the man who loved him and raised him would always be his dad. All of the family saw it the same way... he was his son, the end.


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## Zebra Doll

I agree here. You need to tell your child instead of letting someone else do it b/c you don't want your child to harbour any bad feelings towards you. Good luck!


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## Jinx

2nd child is 17 years old. I'm not sure if right now would be a good time to tell him, as I don't think that he'd be able to handle it emotionally. I just wished I could get through to P's family.


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## Jinx

So, I'm assuming I'm right about my feelings. My IL's went to visit their youngest son & his soon to be wife over seas. While there, somehow the topic of my 2nd child came up. MIL thinks that 2nd child knows that P is not his real dad. My BIL and SIL tried to convince her that 2nd child doesn't know. So I was talking to SIL the other day and she told me everything. I approached my MIL about it, and she lied right to my face and said that she knew that 2nd child thinks P is his real dad. 

P & I were going through a rocky part in our marriage a short while ago (financial issues) and also talked to my BIL and SIL about the problems, saying that P and I don't make a good team. How dare she??????


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## LaBella

You should tell your son the truth he is old enough to know but it should not make a difference to how he feels about your H, if your H has been right by him he will see it and just understand how stupid the rest of the family has been. Sure it will hurt that you were not honest to him since the begining but it should not be to bad he will understand at the end.

But if your H loves your son as his own, he has treated him like a child of his own, HE should sit his family down and tell them to treat both cildren the same way or he will distance himself from them, it might be hard but it could be the only way for them to see how wrong they are. No child should suffer for the mistakes of the parents, children should be loved by members of the family regardless of them being blood relate it or not. So this is your H family he should stand up for you and the kids, for what he thinks is the right thing, in this case HIS FAMILY, menaning HIM, YOU AND ALL THE KIDS, and tell his mom and the rest of the family that if they cannot treat all the kids the same then you will part ways and they WIL NOT SEE any member of the family.

Talk to your H and tell him to solve the issues with his relatives becasue it hurts you and the kids.

Good Luck


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