# Forced change



## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

Been a few years since I found out. Feeling like she and I both died. Everything has re-oriented towards me.

To this day, I have lost the ability to see much good in her. Her good qualities are now muted, her failings magnified.

We were at a fair and I said that she was selfish and that I made plans for myself. It has gotten the point that I no longer make plans that rely on her. If she comes to meet me at the trail head, fine. If not, I'll hitch, hike, bus and train home. If she is there, fine. If she isn't, fine.

The thing that bothers me most is that I feel cold emptiness and cannot feel the warmth anymore. It bothers me that I have become less empathetic to everyone around me. The desire to be of service to everyone around me has stopped. I even treat my friends the same way. If they show up fine, if they don't I go on my long walk.

I don't know how to describe this feeling. The feeling of something that used to be there, cut out.

Can you help me find the words? I don't have them.


----------



## CantBelieveThis (Feb 25, 2014)

Is just grief... You lost something you loved and your emotions are grieving that loss.... Rest assured everything you are feeling is completely normal and part of the processing of the betrayal, you are far from alone on this and unfortunately it will last a while and run its course
Get personal therapy, and exercise, pick a hobby or something you always wanted to do for yourself... You gotta keep your mind distracted as much as possible and make a lot of new positive experiences to offset the grief....
Am not saying it's easy, but try not to wallow yourself too much on how you are feeling, is normal and expected... Your brain is undergoing a pretty intricate chemical rebalancing..... Take care of yourself


----------



## Andy1001 (Jun 29, 2016)

When you came here initially you said that the only reason you didn’t divorce your wife was because you lived in a rent controlled apartment. 
Is this still the case?


----------



## OnTheFly (Mar 12, 2015)

Parasite said:


> Can you help me find the words?


No need, you described it well.


----------



## phillybeffandswiss (Jan 20, 2013)

Parasite said:


> Been a few years since I found out. Feeling like she and I both died. Everything has re-oriented towards me.
> 
> To this day, I have lost the ability to see much good in her. Her good qualities are now muted, her failings magnified.
> 
> ...


Depression. Depressed. Apathetic. 
Simply put, you are the company you keep. If she is such a negative, selfish person and you can feel yourself change it is time to go.


----------



## .335487 (Dec 13, 2018)

Still in the same apartment I moved into. Same city. Same job. Over a decade.
Everything is the same except the different parts 

Sorrry, in response to: "When you came here initially you said that the only reason you didn’t divorce your wife was because you lived in a rent controlled apartment. 
Is this still the case?"

From: Andy1001


----------



## Rubix Cubed (Feb 21, 2016)

I think it's way past time you pissed on the fire and called in the dogs. Why keep punishing yourself?


----------



## Marc878 (Aug 26, 2015)

At this time you have yourself stuck.

Only you can fix that.


----------



## manfromlamancha (Jul 4, 2013)

I have read all your threads but still cannot understand what exactly your wife did, when you guys met and under what circumstances did you get married ? How did you find out about whatever it is that she did ? Many posts but no real info.

Also you seem to suggest that you are part of some outsourcing engagement and it would be useful to know what small Asian country you are from (I know a little bit about the customs in Asia). Have you now got a Green Card?


----------



## sokillme (Jun 10, 2016)

Sounds like she is toxic and she and your relationship has poisoned you. Lots of people end up there trying to do the unthinkable, the unacceptable. When the person you are with ends up bringing you more pain then joy it's probably time to leave especially if they have had an affair. Never love someone enough that it allows you to lose your soul. That's not love works anyway that's how addiction works.


----------



## BluesPower (Mar 27, 2018)

You feel the way that you feel because you did not divorce her and move on. 

The Apartment was and is a bad reason to stay. 

If you had bit the bullet and moved on from her and the apartment you would have healed most likely and possibly met someone that you could have actually loved.

The affair was not your fault, but your situation currently is...


----------

