# No sex for you, I don't want to be controlling



## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

So, we've been having a bit of a rough time in the marriage. Going to MC. We both have things to work on. This past weekend was the wildest emotional rollercoaster I've been on. Ever. She intiated 5 conversations this weekend (her count, me - no intiated conversations) most went bad pretty quickly. But, we were communicating and that was good. Last night ended on an up note. This morning I initiate conversation (score 1 for me!). I had a few (opimistic) things to say. And concluded that I would like to make love when she was ready.

She told me that she wasn't ready and needed some time. OK - there's been a lot going on emotionally. And I'm ok with this. (Generally our sex life is ok - nothing to complain about).

I left for work without saying goodbye and then went back (nice guy??) since I didn't want to be beligerent.

She tells me she's thought about things since we last spoke - and that she doesn't want to be in control of when we have sex. I say, "But, you told me 'No' this morning when I asked??? This puts you in control."

She didn't seem to understand this.

Then she went on about me being agitated (and nervous?) when we don't have sex in a few days. I told her, "This is normal, I am a guy"

She didn't seem to understand this either.

If it's not apparent, she tends to have a controlling personality.

Any ideas????


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## trey69 (Dec 29, 2010)

Hopefully you're not keeping score. You did say score 1 for you. Also not sure how often she tells you NO about sex, but just because she said NO doesn't mean shes in control. If it was every single time, then that might be different, she did tell you she wasn't ready.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

jayde said:


> She tells me she's thought about things since we last spoke - and that she doesn't want to be in control of when we have sex. I say, "But, you told me 'No' this morning when I asked??? This puts you in control."


So, why don't you take control? Why always ask? Why not just do? I didn't really like it when my husband would 'ask' for sex. I much prefer it when he just sets his mind to it and works on what it takes to get me aroused.



jayde said:


> She didn't seem to understand this.
> 
> Then she went on about me being agitated (and nervous?) when we don't have sex in a few days. I told her, "This is normal, I am a guy"
> 
> She didn't seem to understand this either.


Educate her. A woman isn't generally going to understand what your sex drive is like and what it feels like to you any more than you really understand what hers feels like to her. You have to let her know.

Once my husband started to open up to me about what it felt like from his perspective and how much he wanted me to participate and explore that with him, and my eyes were opened, it made all the difference in the world.


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

Enchantment said:


> So, why don't you take control? Why always ask? Why not just do? I didn't really like it when my husband would 'ask' for sex. I much prefer it when he just sets his mind to it and works on what it takes to get me aroused.


Thanks for the reply. The reason for asking was the fact that it had been a crazy emotional weekend. She's been alternately talking about needing space to 'think about things' and really being in love with me and wanting to do it all the time. I wasn't sure which personality I was dealing with this morning. 

"Educate her." I guess you're right. I just find it amazing that we're married nearly 20 years and she practically accuses me of getting irratible if I don't get it every couple/few days. I would have should she would have figured out this happens to people with penises. (And I know some of you ladies get horned up to if not taken care of).

I'm just perplexed that she can call the shots and an hour later say she doesn't want to be in control. I guess this isn't a sex thing - just a logic one!


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## jayde (Jun 17, 2011)

trey69 said:


> Hopefully you're not keeping score. You did say score 1 for you. Also not sure how often she tells you NO about sex, but just because she said NO doesn't mean shes in control. If it was every single time, then that might be different, she did tell you she wasn't ready.


hi Trey - no I'm not keeping score. That was her comment about how many conversations she's started. And the NOs have been less lately.

Just perplexed about the conflicting messages.


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## Enchantment (May 11, 2011)

jayde said:


> I'm just perplexed that she can call the shots and an hour later say she doesn't want to be in control. I guess this isn't a sex thing - just a logic one!


I think I've seen more than one person on the boards note that when it comes to emotions, you can't use logic on it.

Emotions are just not logical things.


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## Stonewall (Jul 5, 2011)

jayde said:


> Thanks for the reply. The reason for asking was the fact that it had been a crazy emotional weekend. She's been alternately talking about needing space to 'think about things' and really being in love with me and wanting to do it all the time. I wasn't sure which personality I was dealing with this morning.
> 
> "Educate her." I guess you're right. I just find it amazing that we're married nearly 20 years and she practically accuses me of getting irratible if I don't get it every couple/few days. I would have should she would have figured out this happens to people with penises. (And I know some of you ladies get horned up to if not taken care of).
> 
> I'm just perplexed that she can call the shots and an hour later say she doesn't want to be in control. I guess this isn't a sex thing - just a logic one!



A woman's prerogative is to..........anyone.........anyone?


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