# I feel like I have lost him



## crazylady

I feel like I have lost my H as he already sleeps in another room and we never have sex. We have been together 20 years married for 15 and I have no physical contact with him unless I ask for a hug. I have no support from him and am at a loss of how to support him. I know that he is alive but he may as well be dead - a horrid thing to say I know but I have no life na==and neither does he, we tolerate each other and live as friends. I didnt sign up to live with a friend I signed up for marriage and I am angry with him for putting me in this position. He says he has relationship issues with me - he thinks he is gay. I can never be the person he wants in his life and he is the only person I want in mine. We are living a lie to all our family and friends and its killing me. I feel like I have lost him. I truly hope that I have not posted this in the wrong place and I dont wish to cause a problem by writing about someone who is alive but when I looked through the topics titles this was one that I thought might be ok. I dont wish my H dead - far from it as he is the love of my life - but does it mean that my life is over? I can never be with someone else and the thought of never being held, kissed or wanted by my H is more than I can bear. I gave up everything to be with him and now I have nothing to live for if he doesnt want me and he says that he doesnt. He says maintaining a relationship with me a problem, I dont think at this moment in time that he has any regard for me - he doesnt love me and I feel like all our past has been a lie. I also wonder why he brought me into this marriage if he knew he was gay. So many things are going sround in my head I am finding it hard to keep up the pretnce but I dont want to hurt him. I hope someone can help me put things into perrpective.
I have no one to talk to due to the sensitive nature of my problem. He has an illness which makes him tired a lot and so I try to keep the house quiet for him and I dont have friends round any more so i feel a little cut off from the world, I had to stop working due to illness. We are together all the time but not. If anyone gets to here in this message - thanks fro reading it. x


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## HappyHer

He may have been fighting the feelings of being gay, but you can't fight who you really are. I'm sure he loved you when he married you and still does, just not in a way that would give you a successful marriage. Of course that makes it a problem for him to continue living that sort of relationship with you. But don't blame him, I'm sure he had the best of intentions and they just didn't work out how either of you would've hoped for.

I'm wondering how much you really love him. Do you love him enough to begin to learn to accept who he REALLY is? Can you grieve what you hoped you would have, realizing that is not a possibility, but still love him as someone dear in your life? That is probably the only way you won't lose him. But, you do need to lose him as your husband and eventually open yourself up to finding someone that can love you in ways that a heterosexual man can love you.


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## crazylady

We have talked and talked about this and have been as open as 2 people who are not in a relationship can be. I do feel that I am giving him space to come to terms with his feelings and now I need time to do that too. I am being asked to carry on lying to everyone and losing my sex life too, he is the one who has brought all this upon us and from the outside it all looks ok but its not. 

I do have to lose him as a husband but the truthis that I really dont want to.


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## HappyHer

Of course this must be very difficult for you. You fell in love with him and built the foundation of a life with him as someone that would be your romantic and intimate partner. That's why it's important for you to spend some time grieving for what you've lost. But not too much time and not by trying to hold onto something that obviously is not going to happen for you.

Let your love for him refuse to live a lie. Lying is no good for anyone. Reach out to your friends and family right now, the ones that you know you can trust. Or insist on couple's counseling. Not to "fix" your marriage, but just to help come to terms with each other and help plan a way for you both to move on in the healthiest way for both of you. Separating doesn't always have to be about anger and hate, it can be out of great love and kindness too.


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## clarity

I Know exactly how you feel my wife and i sleep in seperate rooms
she says she has no interest in sex or hugs or kisses..its hurts me so much cause i love her dearly.


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