# Possible new twist to my wifes infidelity



## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

I posted recently on this forum "Clues No hard evidence". Due to this forum and the wonderful people on it helping people like myself to cope with the huge emotional and physical meltdown that hits you, I have started to gain control of "me", I have resumed my physical training programme, I am looking for a new job, I have spent the last 6 weeks in our caravan situated on the driveway.This has given me what I couldnt get in the house namely,good sleep pattern, fog now lifting, enough to raise my self esteem up out of the gutter, and some inner peace!! I am thinking clearer and I have made my mind up that, I will serve Divorce papers, I have told her the house has to go, she is desperate to remain in the house, I have said no, we split the equity and we both start out with no advantage to either party. My feelings for her, which were strong, and my respect have diminished and are such, that the fear of being on my own is not the nightmare it was 3 months ago.
Anyway, a recent development has raised another concern and I wonder if anyone has any experience of this. My oldest son has a partner, she suffers from depression and has done for many years, she takes medication for it, however her sleep pattern is irregular and as a way of coping she "bargain hunts" in many of the districts 24 stores at all hours of the day and night.They have been together for six years and there is an 8 yr old daughter from her previous marriage who has formed a real attachment to my wife. Her photo is on my wifes mobile screen, she has her photo in her purse, and over the last year the visits have increased dramatically, my wife to their house and vice versa.My son, some two months ago suggested to his partner that perhaps the frequency of her visits were becoming obtrusive. three weeks ago my wife went to vist her while my son was working dayshift, she was there all day and when she came back she was looking upset.When I questioned her, she stated she had broken down and told my sons partner everything about our conflict over my belief she had had an affair. In simple quiet language I told her that this was not acceptable, and that I now faced the prospect of being made to feel embarassed and uncomfortable when she next came to visit.
I explained my feelings to my son, he understood how this had affected me, and although his partner was not to blame, I asked him to explain that it would be better for me, certainly until our divorce was through,for her to stop the visits. He was mature and understanding, my wife was not! I had deprived her of someone special, and that her feelings for her, were far deeper than friendship. I explained I had no problem with my wife visiting or going out with her, whatever, just no more visits to our house! All of a sudden, the texts and visits to their house have all but stopped, according to my wife, it is because she now feels uncomfortable if she goes there!!
As you can imagine Christmas was a complicated affair!!
Anyone got any thoughts??


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

I suppose I am asking if,when my wife says "My feelings for her go much deeper than friendship", does that neccessarily mean there is a possibility my wife is in love with her? When I asked her if she loved my sons partner, she said Yes, but that I am not a Lesbian.


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

I find it very odd that your wife would have her picture on her mobile screen, etc. I mean, unless this girl is like a granddaughter, to her? It's like an obsession. And the girl's mother? Could there be some kind of love affair? I wonder if she was really crying for the reason she told you.
Anyway, good to see that you are having a healthy outlook and attitude about your life,under the circumstances.


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

Thank you Delia, I believe it is an obsession,certainly with the little girl, as far as my wifes reason for being upset, I can no longer believe anything she says, in a nutshell, since I first started discovering the red flags over the last year or so, I have come to the conclusion that anything is possible.She has been consistant in one thing only, whenever I have asked her to engage with me on the events that have led to me believing she has had said and done things that have caused me to go down this road, she either offers total denial, or disengages when key questions are put to her and I get the "I am not talking about this anymore, same old, same old, here we go again"!So, I have stopped the questions, as you will be aware, in the early stages of this mess, she would scream and howl, and I mean howl when I was asking her to account for anything at all, my reaction was to retreat, I now understand this is a well used tactic which had the desired effect!!!!
So my son may have turned his radar on after this incident and spoken to his partner who in turn has spoken to my wife and she has been asked to cool it. Who knows it might all become clearer once we have gone our seperarte ways.

Kind regards


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## Dellia (Jan 6, 2012)

It looks to me like you really have a clear head and understanding of all of this so far~ Good for you, and good luck


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

A simple question for anyone who has been betrayed by their spouse,
Last night my wife decided to engage me in general conversation,simple stuff to begin with, the kids [all grown up,making their way in the world) my mother etc. etc. It went fine for a half hour or so, she then steered the conversation to our problems and how we were where we were. I said simply "you" and the red flags you have left during the last 18 months ( First post has the story) she then began to tell me she cant look at me now, because she thinks i am thinking she is a s**t and its simply not true, followed by, "I have never formed an attachment to anyone, I have never had sex with anyone else, do the last 23years not mean anything!!!! I know many of you have experienced this, howevere last night I must confess, I started believing her!! A royal battle began between everything I knew and my gut, and the believeability of what she was saying.
Has anyone, despite their gut and red flags been persuaded or almost persuaded and how did it turn out??????


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

*Almost believing her*

:scratchhead:


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## the guy (Aug 3, 2010)

Ya, my wife believed her own lies, so its realy easy to believe them when they infact believe the lie them selves. 

Its not real b/c to them its all a fantasy. So in a sence she is telling you the truth....in her real life and her primary life style she is faithful, but ask her about her second life the one that doesn't involve you or the bills or reality for that matter. The second life style were she gets all the attention and emotional bliss that at the end of the night turns off and forgets about until the next time.

So sure she is convinceing, they all are!

Until you can collide her two life styles she will continue on this path...and so should you, stay strong.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

boto227 said:


> :scratchhead:


It sounds like you only have suspicions of an affair and no real proof? Is this right? But you are getting a divorce based on suspicions?

My take on her response that your son’s partner is more than a friend is that she feels like the young lady is part of her family. She could very easily love her as a daughter or something between a daughter and a sister. 

IMHO, it’s completely wrong for you to tell your wife who she can speak to. So far you are accusing your wife of an affair when you don’t even know if she is having one. Now you are forbidding her people who she can speak to.

If my husband did those things, and I was innocent of the accusations he’d have hell to pay.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Boto, I believe in going with the gut. No one preaches gut-power more than me. If you feel down in your soul of souls that she cheated on you then go with it and stay the course. You will reap whatever reward or hell comes out of it. 

I didn't read your original thread, but I agree with EleGirl that you really have no right to tell your wife who she can and cannot see. Besides, you could not control her back when she was stepping out on you (as you believe), so what makes you think you can now? You also cannot control what she says to people. This is out of your hands. You are going through a divorce. Sh*t of every color and hue is going to get stirred up within the family and you just need to duck it as best you can. Cheers.


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## Thor (Oct 31, 2011)

boto227 said:


> I said simply "you" and the red flags you have left during the last 18 months ( First post has the story) she then began to tell me she cant look at me now, because she thinks i am thinking she is a s**t and its simply not true, followed by, "I have never formed an attachment to anyone, I have never had sex with anyone else, do the last 23years not mean anything!!!! I know many of you have experienced this, howevere last night I must confess, I started believing her!! A royal battle began between everything I knew and my gut, and the believeability of what she was saying.
> Has anyone, despite their gut and red flags been persuaded or almost persuaded and how did it turn out??????


OK, I really understand where you're at. First off, trust your gut. Secondly, don't make any big decisions without good cause.

You can know something just because you know it in your gut. But you want to be sure you don't make a big mistake. I'm sorry I haven't read your other thread, so this is a general comment: could the red flags add up to something else? Maybe she has been playing with some ideas and having a bit of a mid life crisis, and from the outside it looks suspiciously like an affair.

If after looking at all the options you still believe in your gut there has been an affair, you can be at peace with that conclusion.

It sounds like you are at the point where you are willing to file for divorce. So really there is nothing to lose by asking her if she is willing to explain to you each of the red flags. Then ask her to take a polygraph.

Polygraphs are not something I generally like. It is pretty poisonous to ask your spouse to take one without strong need. Polygraphs can have a pretty high error rate, too. But if you are ready to divorce over what you have in the way of circumstantial evidence, why not ask for the polygraph?

Aside from the red flags, are things good enough? Might that be a more productive avenue to go down for now?


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

Ele, I have never controlled who my stbx speaks to, or what she says to who she speaks to, what I can control, is who comes into my house, I told her she was free to meet my sons partner anywhere on the globe, just not in my house, I do not ask her to account for anything now, location, who with etc. if she tells me, fine, if she doesnt fine.For 23 years I never questioned who what why where or when. I trusted her absolutely, with my money, heart, and kids. There have been so many red flags in the last eighteen months , I only divulged a small amount in my first post and without exception the good people agreed with what my instincts were telling me.She has simply denied everything and explained nothing, has never acknowledged that there was a problem.I dont shout, scream, demand or bully, I have handled this badly, probably because she fogged me out completely and her angry walkouts were when she was asked the "money" questions, I point out an inconsistency, she screams and leaves the room or drives off into the distance, she does the screaming, verbal abuse, I listen , try to engage she leaves, now I amleaving.

Thanks for replying


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Iread an interesting stat yesterday searching for infidelity/divorce statistics. 82% of women that have a gut feeling their husband is having an affair are right. However, only 50% of men who believe their wife is having an affair are right. Another huge difference in the roles of men and women.

You might want to double check your facts.


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

Chapparal, I accept and agree with your advice, this is why this has gone on for so long, if all I had was that gut feeling and no other information, believe me, I would have found other things to focus on, and yeah I have no proof positive, just smoking gun after smoking gun,and not a valid explanation for anything, just plain denial, I ask her the simple question, do you understand how I have concerns over what I have found, to date she has never acknowledged with an answer, neither yes or no.She has never lifted a finger in helping me find an explanation for anything. I am happy in terminating the marriage, I should have acted earlier and with more gusto, I didnt, now I am.

Thanks for your input it was good advice and balanced!!


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I reread your otherthreads. Is it correct none of your children think your wife is cheating? I for one am always in faveor of not discounting the red flags but in your case I don't see nearly enough to divorce in this situation. Your kids are not going to forgive what you are doing to their mother in her situation. I would defintitely give this more time and try counseling.

Would she be willing to take a polygraph? They are much cheaper than a divorce.


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

Her behavior has changed. It does not mean that she is having an affair. Red flags are nothing until solid evidence is obtained. The fact that you have many red flags and nothing solid points more to her NOT having an affair then it points to her having an affair.

It is so easy in this day and age to get proof of infidelity. The fact that you have no proof after all these months points to her not having an affair. 

I know about infidelity and gather evidence… I’ve had two husbands cheat on me. It’s important to have actual evidence and not assumptions and ‘red flags’. It’s very easy to come to a forum like this and find ways to justify all those ‘red flags’. But the bottom line is that you need evidence.

As for her getting angry about money issues, screaming, etc.. as I said, if my husband falsely accused me of an affair he'd have hell to pay too.



boto227 said:


> Ele, I have never controlled who my stbx speaks to, or what she says to who she speaks to, what I can control, is who comes into my house, I told her she was free to meet my sons partner anywhere on the globe, just not in my house,


It’s her house as well. You do not have the right to tell her to not meet with your son’s partner in her (your wife’s) home. It’s her home too. You may not have been controlling in the past. But you sure are controlling now.

She's angry at you. If she's not cheating she has very good reason to be angry at you, very angry.

As for you telling her what



boto227 said:


> I do not ask her to account for anything now, location, who with etc. if she tells me, fine, if she doesnt fine. For 23 years I never questioned who what why where or when. I trusted her absolutely, with my money, heart, and kids. There have been so many red flags in the last eighteen months , I only divulged a small amount in my first post and without exception the good people agreed with what my instincts were telling me. ,


The “good people” here agreed so now you are 100% sure that she is cheating? The “good people” here can agree all they want that there appears to be an issue. They have no more clue than I do is your wife is or was cheating. YOU have the responsibility to find out the facts before you throw away your wife and years of marriage.





boto227 said:


> She has simply denied everything and explained nothing, has never acknowledged that there was a problem.


The problem is that an innocent person will simply deny as well. If she’s not cheating, what is the problem? What would she have to explain?



boto227 said:


> I dont shout, scream, demand or bully, I have handled this badly, probably because she fogged me out completely and her angry walkouts were when she was asked the "money" questions, I point out an inconsistency, she screams and leaves the room or drives off into the distance, she does the screaming, verbal abuse, I listen , try to engage she leaves, now I amleaving.


What money problem does she get angry about?

What inconsistencies? Explain more?


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## EleGirl (Dec 3, 2011)

chapparal said:


> I reread your otherthreads. Is it correct none of your children think your wife is cheating? I for one am always in faveor of not discounting the red flags but in your case I don't see nearly enough to divorce in this situation. Your kids are not going to forgive what you are doing to their mother in her situation. I would defintitely give this more time and try counseling.
> 
> Would she be willing to take a polygraph? They are much cheaper than a divorce.


The issue with a polygraph is that refusing to take one does not prove guilt. And they can come up with false positives and false negatives. My dad talked about them a lot. He was in the intellence field.. he trained on how to get the kind of outcome he wanted with them. 

They are a tool. But they can do more harm than good.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

I mentioned poly to possibly clarify the sitch. I don't see the reason for divorce at this time. 

The kids are grown, maybe they need to have a big family meeting and see if they can hash this out.

Some of her behavior is probably due to her medical condition. Boto should talk to her doctor.


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

Chapparal, You are right, my daughter thinks she would never cheat, I understand my daughters belief, however she does not know the full story and red flags that have surfaced, and neither will I tell her.In bullet from here are some

Makes contact on FB with an old boyfriend, wall messages fine, private emails deleted.
eMAIL from dating site (jointly used) header read "Julie you have not updated your profile".
Bought her new mobile phone for Christmas, old one had cracked screen. told me she had thrown it, turns up fifteen months later in a drawer that is used by both of us, I asked her how long it had been there she said since she got the new one, confirmed she had never loaned or used it ih fifteen months, or charged it, when switched on it showed three quarter charge, it dissappeared again and while I was decorating her mothers house (lives 18 mile away) some six weeks later there it was in a box under the television. There were two phone numbers that had been screened ,one was my sons the other is a number not known to me , my wife, or anyone else in the house. When I tried calling, texting, phone was active, just wouldnt accept anything from landline in the house or mobiles in the house.The chat facility still had the name "Its Me" in the chat name box, my fie could not explain anything, just I dont know how this has happened, I haven,t done any of this!
There is more but I will stop there. Polygraph is not used here in UK, at least I have never heard of it being used by anyone in matrimonial disputes, I think partly due to the fact that all adultery cases are non fault. Chapparal, I have "done nothing to their mother, I have reacted to the things she has done and said, and I have sought one thing the truth in what, over this last eighteen months, has been going on. I have moved out into a camper to enable both of us to maintain personal space and decent sleeping patterns, I continue to support the household , maintenace household chores, I am in truth, the only one in the house who believes me, and it is hard, I have not shut down on her totally, I will make small talk, or talk about the kids and stuff, I need her to engage and at least say something like, what can I do to help you make sense of all this, never, not once!!


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

Ele, you are right about there being no proof positive, no dispute over that from me. The money issues are no different from the money issues we all have,never quite enough. I have a police pension,and I teach disadvantaged Adults lliteracy and Numeracy part tim, I lecture for a security company three hours every three weeks.We pay the bills and there is virtually nothing left, tough luck it is happening to a lot of people, some will be in far worse condition than we have been, I spend no money on personal stuff, I dont drink, if there is anything left I leave it to my wife to spend it on whatever she or we need. I have never been able, especially in the early days of this saga, to buy the equipment, or hire a Pi to gain proof positive, however I have thought about your comment that there may not have been an affair, and I give you that, that is still a possibility and also the fact that she has changed, again you are right, that is a definite.What I am trying to navigate is the refusal to engage on any level above day to day stuff. If anyone is controlling, it is my wife, she decides what we talk about, when we talk and when the conversation is over.I am trying to get to the bottom of how is, where she is in her head and she will not allow me in.We cant make progress unless we can talk with transparency and honesty. It is as simple as this, there may be other issues here,that I am not aware of, I have asked, I have suggested counselling, no thanks, I have asked her if she cant talk to me, what about individual counselling, no thanks.
If the situation stays as is, I will have to accept that as long as she chooses to stay, and I cant see for the life of me, why she would choose to live like this, no intimacy, no sexual relationship, no social life, no interests together and no real communication between us, I cant continue to live like this, maybe she has checked out totally and cant vocalise it, who knows.


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

What investigating have you done so far? The red flags are definitely pc for further investigation like a keylogger, VAR, etc.
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

Lordmayhem, I have never been in a situation, financially, where I could divert money from our commitments to pay for equipment to bottom this out.To find out the registered keeper of the mobile phone number will cost me £125, nil return if there are no keeper details on record. I have sold everything that could be sold in order to keep the house afloat, I have been told this morning that my part time teaching job has been cut to 2hrs per week, so I am looking for new work as from today. My plan has always been to find hard evidence that will prove or disprove what the existing information is suggesting. I missed oppurtunities at the early stages, I was in the " cant be true "mode of thinking" for six months or so, this was when the behaviour and bizarre things were being said and done, one day 8text messages were deleted as well as 38minutes of incoming calls, this was a common factor for is almost a year, texts out were deleted and calls in on the same day were deleted.
I now believe that if there has been another man/men/woman, it has not happened for a few months, apart from the anger outbursts her behaviour appears to have stopped, no sudden visits to the store to buy herself wine and then returns an hour later with one packet of chips, as they say there is more!
Truth be told, I have missed the "Golden Hour" as far as evidence goes and she probably knows this,the only possible evidence may be the name that is attached to this u/id'd mobile number. Other than that number,and I will try to get the money to do that, I think the trail has all but petered out.:scratchhead:


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## lordmayhem (Feb 7, 2011)

Do you think she conducted her affairs purely thru her mobile? Could she have used the home computers? From what we've seen in other cases, they are usually in contact thru multiple means, thereby leaving some trail of evidence. Are there any email accounts that you're not aware of?
_Posted via Mobile Device_


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

I think the mobile phone has been the main suspect as far as a means of conducting any affair that may have taken place, I base this on the circumstances surrounding useage and anomalies on the old and new one.As regards the computer, well, there was the unexplained request from a dating site for her (by name) to complete her profile, which she flatly denied, not me, dont know who! She had access to the internet at her last place of work as well which she told me she couldnt use, that turned out to be a lie,as I found an email in my sent box informing her itc tutor that she can access her emails from home or work! She could not remember sending that email! There was one occasion, when the computer suddenly slowed right down and "black screened out,couldnt start it again so I gave it to a tutor friend of mine and he managed to recover 11% of the hard drive, nothing of significance, some documents and photos.The strange thing was,for the three days prior to giving my friend the computer she suggested I just buy a new hard drive,was it wirth the hassle getting it looked at, fair comment on day one,however the follownig two days it became a prominent feature in conversation, whats the point, its probably beyond repair, even though this guy was a programme writer by trade and teaching ITC she kept on until I took it to him, one thing she did say that switched my radar on was, "So, you can find the address a computer is at, when it is being used? I said yeah (I wasn't really sure, but I kept it going!!) So so I told her about isp addresses (B.S. but who cares?) she walked slowly into the kitchen with her finger on her chin.The thing was, at the time she had access to her work computer and the home computer so who the hell knows?!:scratchhead:


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

As far as hidden accounts, the only thing I found was on her new mobile, she had put my , at the time our email address in there, when I asked her why did she need to use the feature she said"I didnt set that up, I wouldnt know how !!


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

Reading through this, it seems like you are trying to control a situation that really does not need controlling. I come back to my strongly held belief that if a person is sure that their spouse is cheating, and the marriage is all but dead anyway, then what is the point of going through these mental exercises? What I'm asking is Boto, what is your desired end result in all of this espionage? To prove to everyone you were right about your wife? 

Okay, say you do prove conclusively, beyond a reasonable doubt, beyond preponderence of the evidence, that she cheated on you with some dork, then what will it change about the eventual outcome? You are already headed for divorce. Permanent separation from an unfaithful spouse will have been achieved. Is that not enough? Or, is revenge your game? Do you want to publicly humiliate and pillor your wife in front of friends, family and village? Is that not going to be looked on by some as vindictive, mean and petty? Does the mother of your children really deserve all this? How will this campaign to bring down ther mother change the perception your children have about their father?

What is your real intent in all this Boto?


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

Spudster, Revenge is not the reason, putting her in the pillory is not the game, I have told her divorce is, as far as I can see the only option and I will carry that out as soon as finances allow me to.
My sole purpose here, is to make sure that my four kids (I say kids, they range from 20 to 27, all making there way in the world) do not continue to believe that Dad has gone bad and he is the author and creator of this situation.This important to me because I have for 23 years brought those kids up (two of which were not my biological children) as a father, by example and to the very best of my abilities, the thought of them putting this down to me is an anathma and I would like them to have the opportunity to make their own minds up based on the facts.
The only control I require here is to control my future from here on in, my wife will have to do the same, I have found it impossible to take any other road, as I have already said there is only communication on my wife's terms, that is controlling, my wanting to know the truth of where she is at in her head is a reasonable requirement, she should perhaps be the one who is asking for a divorce, there is no earthly possibility of reconcilliation, we cant hold any meanigfull exchange, she will not as she says "talk about my emotions, I get too upset inside I wont do it!! I do not see this as me wanting to control ****** all, I have to sit through the displays of anger and walkout.s and at the end of the day it is left to me, to "fill in the blanks!!


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## bryanp (Aug 25, 2011)

I think the way you explained this is very logical. If you do not have respect, honesty and communications in a marriage then it is indeed dead. You are also correct that the children need to know the full truth to see where the failure is. I wish you luck.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

I still don't buy it. Your actions smack of a certain vindictiveness, or at the very least a pathological need to be right at any cost. I'm totally behind you on the divorce, and yes from what you have described I too believe that at the very least she did have an EA. But is just seems you are expending an inordinate amount of mental and emotional energy to squeeze blood from the turnip, when in the end its not really going to profit you anything except having your kids looking at you like you are an obsessed lunatic. From what I read you want to prove to them that it is all her fault. But how about having faith in your kids to look at the situation and come to their own conclusions? They are adults aren't they?


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

What do you know that your kids do not know?


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

Chapparral-- My kids only know about the FB incident, the incident that started this whole thing off, I havent told them anything else and as far as I am aware, neither has my wife, we both agreed this would achieve nothing other than increase the fog and risk them becoming referees, which we both agreed would be counterproductive in finding a way through it. However, I can say this, if the only issue had been the facebook incident, and my wife had been open and transparent about it we may never have got to this stage,p****d off I would have been, upset, yes, dealbreaker, no! 

Spudster---- Vindictiveness? squeezing the last drop of blood from the turnip, Pathological obsession to prove I am right? My first reaction to your post was, to be truthful, WTF does he know, he isn't here, I am, I wasnt sure if you were attempting to be devils advocate and this was an honest opinion based purely on what I have written so far, or you had got a personal handle on it, if the former is true my sincerest apologies! So I went round to my mothers and fixed her washing machine- and while I was there, taking the motor off, I was able to think about what you wrote without feeling defensive or majorly negative about it!! I also decided it would be crass to try and write myself up, we have to accept that inevitabley, despite what we think about ourselves, others can, and do, see a different picture. 
The way I was up until the time i decided to move into the caravan was, without doubt a time of emotional disturbance, mental disturbance, obssessivenes, skulking around looking for evidence that would prove my suspicions were right, self doubt, self confidence gone, fear of the black hole that had come into my life. You mentioned I was obsessed in estabishing who the fault lay with, all I can say on that is, the way my wife chose to respond to me, was to "hole up" deny everything, refuse to engage and basically leave me to it. Had I given in to my deepest ugliest thoughts (I sure had them), I would have walked out, took my pension and left her to deal with a re-possession.
I considered telling her that it might be better when she comes out of hospital, her mother moves in and takes care of her while she re-cuperates, or my sons partner who she divulged our situation to, would feel like taking up the slack once I had left.
Yeah, this had me drooling over a scenario in my mind that I knew would hurt her, and I could have my 2minutes dancing in the sun imagining her being thrown out of the house, selling both cars and leave her without transport and no money. That, in my mind is vindictive and ruthless determination to extract the last drop of blood from the turnip.I had the thoughts and rejected them. I will, once I have bottomed out this unidentified mobile phone number cease to look, cease to obsess, and do everything I can to accept, repair, and learn.One thing that will never be resolved due to my wifes way of dealing with it, is what did I do that contributed to where we ended up, we couldnt get to first base, there will be no fault apportioned, and nothing admitted from either party, no chance to repair anything, no chance whatsoever. If I have, by the type of guy I am, or the kind of husband I.ve been, responsible for this whole mess, I'll never know, I haven't been challenged , she hasnt and wont be part of it. Still, soon to be smoke in the wind and maybe she is happy to let it all go away like this, this is how she chooses to deal, I have chosen to divorce .

Thanks for the "reign in"


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## Initfortheduration (Dec 12, 2008)

Boto, I think you're doing great. Stay strong.


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## Chaparral (Jul 17, 2011)

Does your wife and children know you are divorcing her? The reason I am asking is it doesn't sound like she is taking this seriously.


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## boto227 (Dec 2, 2011)

"High Chapparral" (sorry, I had to do it!!)


yes, my wife knows, if the kids know it hasn't come from me and I dont think my wife has told them.You are right about her not believing me, at least not for the last two days, sweetness and light wanting to talk about the day to day stuff, which isnt a problem, I partcipate, there's no need to be deliberately rude or ignorant. She spent time last night sorting an extra heater out for the caravan, nice meal, etc. She goes into Hospital on Sunday and I will be taking her and visiting and looking after her while she recuperates at home, we are still married and she is still entitled to my care while she is recovering. However this is until we are divorced, she is in no doubt that trying to "slip" the ship back into port un-noticed wont work.


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## spudster (Jan 11, 2012)

No more devil's advocate from me. You have to do what you have to do. Good luck.


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