# Am I stupid?????



## Britattitude (Jun 2, 2015)

So married for 16 yrs one kid
From England husband from Kentucky 
Through our marriage every couple of years, he cheats. I forgive and we move on. 
Recently he started a fb romance with an old flame who he had previously had great chemistry with. 
He feels like it's the one that got away I think he was falling in love with her in his own way

He likes the newness of a relationship and was hurt young in life. He almost seams stuck emotionaly at that point. I want to enjoy all the phases of life. 
He is vain and feels aging
He also seams needy and needs affirmation all the time of his wonderfulness!!!

Now it seams if things go askew instead of turning in he turns out. 
I gave him an ultimatum her or me, he choose me but I could tell he was upset. 
This is a first, before it was always sex, this time feelings were involve. 
Men please give me input, am I stupid to stay?.
We get along for the most part w crept this part. 
His excuse was our SS. Life was non existent which is true. 
I still have faith he can turn around ? 
Am I in denile ?
Help


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## arbitrator (Feb 13, 2012)

* You're either in big time denial, or you do not have much confidence in yourself as a wife!

And he seems like a rather immature cheater himself, in that, he seems to be surfing around for exciting new stuff, knowing that if he strikes out, he'll always have you there!

It's fastly time that you read his sorry a$$ the Riot Act! You're being used, Sweetheart!*


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

He has no fear of losing you. Where would his impetus to choose better behavior come from?


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## Rowan (Apr 3, 2012)

You're married to a serial cheater. One who isn't, apparently, even all that good at hiding it or sorry about it when he gets caught. By staying all these years, you've trained him to assume that you accept his cheating. After all, if it was really a dealbreaker, you would have left the first or second time it happened. 

It would indeed be foolish to think he's going to stop. If you're still okay with this sort of marriage, then go ahead and stay. But don't pretend that you've done anything but _choose_ this life. Learn to be okay with it. Stop worrying about what he's up to, who he's seeing, if he's in love. If that doesn't work for you, leave. He's not going to change. 

Question: What are you getting out of this marriage that makes it worthwhile to put up with his cheating?


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## jld (Dec 1, 2013)

Blossom Leigh said:


> He has no fear of losing you. Where would his impetus to choose better behavior come from?


His own non-existent integrity?


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

jld said:


> His own non-existent integrity?


That's a given. She keeps accepting it.


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## Britattitude (Jun 2, 2015)

Thanks for telling me like it is
The story is complicated by the fact Iam from England and we have a15yo son who wouldn't go to England w me and having parents in different counties is hard on a budget.
I was 9mth pregnant when the first one happened. Couldn't fly home. Since then I have stayed for my son. 
I know that's wrong.


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## Blossom Leigh (Mar 27, 2014)

Britattitude said:


> Thanks for telling me like it is
> The story is complicated by the fact Iam from England and we have a15yo son who wouldn't go to England w me and having parents in different counties is hard on a budget.
> I was 9mth pregnant when the first one happened. Couldn't fly home. Since then I have stayed for my son.
> I know that's wrong.


It's not always wrong to stay for the kids. Its HOW you stay for the kids that makes the difference between wisdom and throwing your life away.


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## earworm (Apr 15, 2015)

No. You aren't stupid, noway! You did everything well. You must be a great wife. I hope you will find the decision. I think maybe your husband experiences such a milestone of his life? Or maybe it's a crisis, I'm not sure. My wife trusts me and we both use fb. The problem is that you need to review your life and become closer one to another.


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